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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/2951.txt b/2951.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..174691f --- /dev/null +++ b/2951.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7210 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Venetian Years: Childhood And Adolescence +by Jacques Casanova de Seingalt + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Venetian Years: Childhood And Adolescence + The Memoirs Of Jacques Casanova De Seingalt 1725-1798 + +Author: Jacques Casanova de Seingalt + +Release Date: October 30, 2006 [EBook #2951] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK VENETIAN YEARS: CHILDHOOD *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +THE COMPLETE MEMOIRS OF JACQUES CASANOVA de SEINGALT 1725-1798 + +THE RARE UNABRIDGED LONDON EDITION OF 1894 TRANSLATED BY ARTHUR MACHEN TO +WHICH HAS BEEN ADDED THE CHAPTERS DISCOVERED BY ARTHUR SYMONS. + + +[Etext Editors Note: These memoires were not written for children +and may outrage readers offended by Chaucer, La Fontaine, Rabelais +and The Old Testament. D.W.] + + + +MEMOIRS OF JACQUES CASANOVA de SEINGALT 1725-1798 + +VENETIAN YEARS, Volume 1a--CHILDHOOD + + + +CONTENTS: + + CASANOVA AT DUX + TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE + AUTHOR'S PREFACE + CHILDHOOD AND ADOLESCENCE + + + + +CASANOVA AT DUX + +An Unpublished Chapter of History, By Arthur Symons + + +I + +The Memoirs of Casanova, though they have enjoyed the popularity of a bad +reputation, have never had justice done to them by serious students of +literature, of life, and of history. One English writer, indeed, Mr. +Havelock Ellis, has realised that 'there are few more delightful books in +the world,' and he has analysed them in an essay on Casanova, published +in Affirmations, with extreme care and remarkable subtlety. But this +essay stands alone, at all events in English, as an attempt to take +Casanova seriously, to show him in his relation to his time, and in his +relation to human problems. And yet these Memoirs are perhaps the most +valuable document which we possess on the society of the eighteenth +century; they are the history of a unique life, a unique personality, one +of the greatest of autobiographies; as a record of adventures, they are +more entertaining than Gil Blas, or Monte Cristo, or any of the imaginary +travels, and escapes, and masquerades in life, which have been written in +imitation of them. They tell the story of a man who loved life +passionately for its own sake: one to whom woman was, indeed, the most +important thing in the world, but to whom nothing in the world was +indifferent. The bust which gives us the most lively notion of him shows +us a great, vivid, intellectual face, full of fiery energy and calm +resource, the face of a thinker and a fighter in one. A scholar, an +adventurer, perhaps a Cabalist, a busy stirrer in politics, a gamester, +one 'born for the fairer sex,' as he tells us, and born also to be a +vagabond; this man, who is remembered now for his written account of his +own life, was that rarest kind of autobiographer, one who did not live to +write, but wrote because he had lived, and when he could live no longer. + +And his Memoirs take one all over Europe, giving sidelights, all the more +valuable in being almost accidental, upon many of the affairs and people +most interesting to us during two-thirds of the eighteenth century. +Giacomo Casanova was born in Venice, of Spanish and Italian parentage, on +April 2, 1725; he died at the Chateau of Dux, in Bohemia, on June 4, +1798. In that lifetime of seventy-three years he travelled, as his +Memoirs show us, in Italy, France, Germany, Austria, England, +Switzerland, Belgium, Russia, Poland, Spain, Holland, Turkey; he met +Voltaire at Ferney, Rousseau at Montmorency, Fontenelle, d'Alembert and +Crebillon at Paris, George III. in London, Louis XV. at Fontainebleau, +Catherine the Great at St. Petersburg, Benedict XII. at Rome, Joseph II. +at Vienna, Frederick the Great at Sans-Souci. Imprisoned by the +Inquisitors of State in the Piombi at Venice, he made, in 1755, the most +famous escape in history. His Memoirs, as we have them, break off +abruptly at the moment when he is expecting a safe conduct, and the +permission to return to Venice after twenty years' wanderings. He did +return, as we know from documents in the Venetian archives; he returned +as secret agent of the Inquisitors, and remained in their service from +1774 until 1782. At the end of 1782 he left Venice; and next year we find +him in Paris, where, in 1784, he met Count Waldstein at the Venetian +Ambassador's, and was invited by him to become his librarian at Dux. He +accepted, and for the fourteen remaining years of his life lived at Dux, +where he wrote his Memoirs. + +Casanova died in 1798, but nothing was heard of the Memoirs (which the +Prince de Ligne, in his own Memoirs, tells us that Casanova had read to +him, and in which he found 'du dyamatique, de la rapidite, du comique, de +la philosophie, des choses neuves, sublimes, inimitables meme') until the +year 1820, when a certain Carlo Angiolini brought to the publishing house +of Brockhaus, in Leipzig, a manuscript entitled Histoire de ma vie jusqu +a l'an 1797, in the handwriting of Casanova. This manuscript, which I +have examined at Leipzig, is written on foolscap paper, rather rough and +yellow; it is written on both sides of the page, and in sheets or quires; +here and there the paging shows that some pages have been omitted, and in +their place are smaller sheets of thinner and whiter paper, all in +Casanova's handsome, unmistakable handwriting. The manuscript is done up +in twelve bundles, corresponding with the twelve volumes of the original +edition; and only in one place is there a gap. The fourth and fifth +chapters of the twelfth volume are missing, as the editor of the original +edition points out, adding: 'It is not probable that these two chapters +have been withdrawn from the manuscript of Casanova by a strange hand; +everything leads us to believe that the author himself suppressed them, +in the intention, no doubt, of re-writing them, but without having found +time to do so.' The manuscript ends abruptly with the year 1774, and not +with the year 1797, as the title would lead us to suppose. + +This manuscript, in its original state, has never been printed. Herr +Brockhaus, on obtaining possession of the manuscript, had it translated +into German by Wilhelm Schutz, but with many omissions and alterations, +and published this translation, volume by volume, from 1822 to 1828, +under the title, 'Aus den Memoiren des Venetianers Jacob Casanova de +Seingalt.' While the German edition was in course of publication, Herr +Brockhaus employed a certain Jean Laforgue, a professor of the French +language at Dresden, to revise the original manuscript, correcting +Casanova's vigorous, but at times incorrect, and often somewhat Italian, +French according to his own notions of elegant writing, suppressing +passages which seemed too free-spoken from the point of view of morals +and of politics, and altering the names of some of the persons referred +to, or replacing those names by initials. This revised text was published +in twelve volumes, the first two in 1826, the third and fourth in 1828, +the fifth to the eighth in 1832, and the ninth to the twelfth in 1837; +the first four bearing the imprint of Brockhaus at Leipzig and Ponthieu +et Cie at Paris; the next four the imprint of Heideloff et Campe at +Paris; and the last four nothing but 'A Bruxelles.' The volumes are all +uniform, and were all really printed for the firm of Brockhaus. This, +however far from representing the real text, is the only authoritative +edition, and my references throughout this article will always be to this +edition. + +In turning over the manuscript at Leipzig, I read some of the suppressed +passages, and regretted their suppression; but Herr Brockhaus, the +present head of the firm, assured me that they are not really very +considerable in number. The damage, however, to the vivacity of the whole +narrative, by the persistent alterations of M. Laforgue, is incalculable. +I compared many passages, and found scarcely three consecutive sentences +untouched. Herr Brockhaus (whose courtesy I cannot sufficiently +acknowledge) was kind enough to have a passage copied out for me, which I +afterwards read over, and checked word by word. In this passage Casanova +says, for instance: 'Elle venoit presque tous les jours lui faire une +belle visite.' This is altered into: 'Cependant chaque jour Therese +venait lui faire une visite.' Casanova says that some one 'avoit, comme +de raison, forme le projet d'allier Dieu avec le diable.' This is made to +read: 'Qui, comme de raison, avait saintement forme le projet d'allier +les interets du ciel aux oeuvres de ce monde.' Casanova tells us that +Therese would not commit a mortal sin 'pour devenir reine du monde;' pour +une couronne,' corrects the indefatigable Laforgue. 'Il ne savoit que lui +dire' becomes 'Dans cet etat de perplexite;' and so forth. It must, +therefore, be realized that the Memoirs, as we have them, are only a kind +of pale tracing of the vivid colours of the original. + +When Casanova's Memoirs were first published, doubts were expressed as to +their authenticity, first by Ugo Foscolo (in the Westminster Review, +1827), then by Querard, supposed to be an authority in regard to +anonymous and pseudonymous writings, finally by Paul Lacroix, 'le +bibliophile Jacob', who suggested, or rather expressed his 'certainty,' +that the real author of the Memoirs was Stendhal, whose 'mind, character, +ideas and style' he seemed to recognise on every page. This theory, as +foolish and as unsupported as the Baconian theory of Shakespeare, has +been carelessly accepted, or at all events accepted as possible, by many +good scholars who have never taken the trouble to look into the matter +for themselves. It was finally disproved by a series of articles of +Armand Baschet, entitled 'Preuves curieuses de l'authenticite des +Memoires de Jacques Casanova de Seingalt,' in 'Le Livre,' January, +February, April and May, 1881; and these proofs were further corroborated +by two articles of Alessandro d'Ancona, entitled 'Un Avventuriere del +Secolo XVIII., in the 'Nuovo Antologia,' February 1 and August 1, 1882. +Baschet had never himself seen the manuscript of the Memoirs, but he had +learnt all the facts about it from Messrs. Brockhaus, and he had himself +examined the numerous papers relating to Casanova in the Venetian +archives. A similar examination was made at the Frari at about the same +time by the Abbe Fulin; and I myself, in 1894, not knowing at the time +that the discovery had been already made, made it over again for myself. +There the arrest of Casanova, his imprisonment in the Piombi, the exact +date of his escape, the name of the monk who accompanied him, are all +authenticated by documents contained in the 'riferte' of the Inquisition +of State; there are the bills for the repairs of the roof and walls of +the cell from which he escaped; there are the reports of the spies on +whose information he was arrested, for his too dangerous free-spokenness +in matters of religion and morality. The same archives contain +forty-eight letters of Casanova to the Inquisitors of State, dating from +1763 to 1782, among the Riferte dei Confidenti, or reports of secret +agents; the earliest asking permission to return to Venice, the rest +giving information in regard to the immoralities of the city, after his +return there; all in the same handwriting as the Memoirs. Further proof +could scarcely be needed, but Baschet has done more than prove the +authenticity, he has proved the extraordinary veracity, of the Memoirs. +F. W. Barthold, in 'Die Geschichtlichen Personlichkeiten in J. Casanova's +Memoiren,' 2 vols., 1846, had already examined about a hundred of +Casanova's allusions to well known people, showing the perfect exactitude +of all but six or seven, and out of these six or seven inexactitudes +ascribing only a single one to the author's intention. Baschet and +d'Ancona both carry on what Barthold had begun; other investigators, in +France, Italy and Germany, have followed them; and two things are now +certain, first, that Casanova himself wrote the Memoirs published under +his name, though not textually in the precise form in which we have them; +and, second, that as their veracity becomes more and more evident as they +are confronted with more and more independent witnesses, it is only fair +to suppose that they are equally truthful where the facts are such as +could only have been known to Casanova himself. + + + +II + +For more than two-thirds of a century it has been known that Casanova +spent the last fourteen years of his life at Dux, that he wrote his +Memoirs there, and that he died there. During all this time people have +been discussing the authenticity and the truthfulness of the Memoirs, +they have been searching for information about Casanova in various +directions, and yet hardly any one has ever taken the trouble, or +obtained the permission, to make a careful examination in precisely the +one place where information was most likely to be found. The very +existence of the manuscripts at Dux was known only to a few, and to most +of these only on hearsay; and thus the singular good fortune was reserved +for me, on my visit to Count Waldstein in September 1899, to be the first +to discover the most interesting things contained in these manuscripts. +M. Octave Uzanne, though he had not himself visited Dux, had indeed +procured copies of some of the manuscripts, a few of which were published +by him in Le Livre, in 1887 and 1889. But with the death of Le Livre in +1889 the 'Casanova inedit' came to an end, and has never, so far as I +know, been continued elsewhere. Beyond the publication of these +fragments, nothing has been done with the manuscripts at Dux, nor has an +account of them ever been given by any one who has been allowed to +examine them. + +For five years, ever since I had discovered the documents in the Venetian +archives, I had wanted to go to Dux; and in 1899, when I was staying with +Count Lutzow at Zampach, in Bohemia, I found the way kindly opened for +me. Count Waldstein, the present head of the family, with extreme +courtesy, put all his manuscripts at my disposal, and invited me to stay +with him. Unluckily, he was called away on the morning of the day that I +reached Dux. He had left everything ready for me, and I was shown over +the castle by a friend of his, Dr. Kittel, whose courtesy I should like +also to acknowledge. After a hurried visit to the castle we started on +the long drive to Oberleutensdorf, a smaller Schloss near Komotau, where +the Waldstein family was then staying. The air was sharp and bracing; the +two Russian horses flew like the wind; I was whirled along in an +unfamiliar darkness, through a strange country, black with coal mines, +through dark pine woods, where a wild peasantry dwelt in little mining +towns. Here and there, a few men and women passed us on the road, in +their Sunday finery; then a long space of silence, and we were in the +open country, galloping between broad fields; and always in a haze of +lovely hills, which I saw more distinctly as we drove back next morning. + +The return to Dux was like a triumphal entry, as we dashed through the +market-place filled with people come for the Monday market, pots and pans +and vegetables strewn in heaps all over the ground, on the rough paving +stones, up to the great gateway of the castle, leaving but just room for +us to drive through their midst. I had the sensation of an enormous +building: all Bohemian castles are big, but this one was like a royal +palace. Set there in the midst of the town, after the Bohemian fashion, +it opens at the back upon great gardens, as if it were in the midst of +the country. I walked through room after room, along corridor after +corridor; everywhere there were pictures, everywhere portraits of +Wallenstein, and battle-scenes in which he led on his troops. The +library, which was formed, or at least arranged, by Casanova, and which +remains as he left it, contains some 25,000 volumes, some of them of +considerable value; one of the most famous books in Bohemian literature, +Skala's History of the Church, exists in manuscript at Dux, and it is +from this manuscript that the two published volumes of it were printed. +The library forms part of the Museum, which occupies a ground-floor wing +of the castle. The first room is an armoury, in which all kinds of arms +are arranged, in a decorative way, covering the ceiling and the walls +with strange patterns. The second room contains pottery, collected by +Casanova's Waldstein on his Eastern travels. The third room is full of +curious mechanical toys, and cabinets, and carvings in ivory. Finally, we +come to the library, contained in the two innermost rooms. The +book-shelves are painted white, and reach to the low-vaulted ceilings, +which are whitewashed. At the end of a bookcase, in the corner of one of +the windows, hangs a fine engraved portrait of Casanova. + +After I had been all over the castle, so long Casanova's home, I was +taken to Count Waldstein's study, and left there with the manuscripts. I +found six huge cardboard cases, large enough to contain foolscap paper, +lettered on the back: 'Grafl. Waldstein-Wartenberg'sches Real +Fideicommiss. Dux-Oberleutensdorf: Handschriftlicher Nachlass Casanova.' +The cases were arranged so as to stand like books; they opened at the +side; and on opening them, one after another, I found series after series +of manuscripts roughly thrown together, after some pretence at +arrangement, and lettered with a very generalised description of +contents. The greater part of the manuscripts were in Casanova's +handwriting, which I could see gradually beginning to get shaky with +years. Most were written in French, a certain number in Italian. The +beginning of a catalogue in the library, though said to be by him, was +not in his handwriting. Perhaps it was taken down at his dictation. There +were also some copies of Italian and Latin poems not written by him. Then +there were many big bundles of letters addressed to him, dating over more +than thirty years. Almost all the rest was in his own handwriting. + +I came first upon the smaller manuscripts, among which I, found, jumbled +together on the same and on separate scraps of paper, washing-bills, +accounts, hotel bills, lists of letters written, first drafts of letters +with many erasures, notes on books, theological and mathematical notes, +sums, Latin quotations, French and Italian verses, with variants, a long +list of classical names which have and have not been 'francises,' with +reasons for and against; 'what I must wear at Dresden'; headings without +anything to follow, such as: 'Reflexions on respiration, on the true +cause of youth-the crows'; a new method of winning the lottery at Rome; +recipes, among which is a long printed list of perfumes sold at Spa; a +newspaper cutting, dated Prague, 25th October 1790, on the thirty-seventh +balloon ascent of Blanchard; thanks to some 'noble donor' for the gift of +a dog called 'Finette'; a passport for 'Monsieur de Casanova, Venitien, +allant d'ici en Hollande, October 13, 1758 (Ce Passeport bon pour quinze +jours)', together with an order for post-horses, gratis, from Paris to +Bordeaux and Bayonne.' + +Occasionally, one gets a glimpse into his daily life at Dux, as in this +note, scribbled on a fragment of paper (here and always I translate the +French literally): 'I beg you to tell my servant what the biscuits are +that I like to eat; dipped in wine, to fortify my stomach. I believe that +they can all be found at Roman's.' Usually, however, these notes, though +often suggested by something closely personal, branch off into more +general considerations; or else begin with general considerations, and +end with a case in point. Thus, for instance, a fragment of three pages +begins: 'A compliment which is only made to gild the pill is a positive +impertinence, and Monsieur Bailli is nothing but a charlatan; the monarch +ought to have spit in his face, but the monarch trembled with fear.' A +manuscript entitled 'Essai d'Egoisme,' dated, 'Dux, this 27th June, +1769,' contains, in the midst of various reflections, an offer to let his +'appartement' in return for enough money to 'tranquillise for six months +two Jew creditors at Prague.' Another manuscript is headed 'Pride and +Folly,' and begins with a long series of antitheses, such as: 'All fools +are not proud, and all proud men are fools. Many fools are happy, all +proud men are unhappy.' On the same sheet follows this instance or +application: + +Whether it is possible to compose a Latin distich of the greatest beauty +without knowing either the Latin language or prosody. We must examine the +possibility and the impossibility, and afterwards see who is the man who +says he is the author of the distich, for there are extraordinary people +in the world. My brother, in short, ought to have composed the distich, +because he says so, and because he confided it to me tete-'a-tete. I had, +it is true, difficulty in believing him; but what is one to do! Either +one must believe, or suppose him capable of telling a lie which could +only be told by a fool; and that is impossible, for all Europe knows that +my brother is not a fool. + +Here, as so often in these manuscripts, we seem to see Casanova thinking +on paper. He uses scraps of paper (sometimes the blank page of a letter, +on the other side of which we see the address) as a kind of informal +diary; and it is characteristic of him, of the man of infinitely curious +mind, which this adventurer really was, that there are so few merely +personal notes among these casual jottings. Often, they are purely +abstract; at times, metaphysical 'jeux d'esprit,' like the sheet of +fourteen 'Different Wagers,' which begins: + +I wager that it is not true that a man who weighs a hundred pounds will +weigh more if you kill him. I wager that if there is any difference, he +will weigh less. I wager that diamond powder has not sufficient force to +kill a man. + +Side by side with these fanciful excursions into science, come more +serious ones, as in the note on Algebra, which traces its progress since +the year 1494, before which 'it had only arrived at the solution of +problems of the second degree, inclusive.' A scrap of paper tells us that +Casanova 'did not like regular towns.' 'I like,' he says, 'Venice, Rome, +Florence, Milan, Constantinople, Genoa.' Then he becomes abstract and +inquisitive again, and writes two pages, full of curious, out-of-the-way +learning, on the name of Paradise: + +The name of Paradise is a name in Genesis which indicates a place of +pleasure (lieu voluptueux): this term is Persian. This place of pleasure +was made by God before he had created man. + +It may be remembered that Casanova quarrelled with Voltaire, because +Voltaire had told him frankly that his translation of L'Ecossaise was a +bad translation. It is piquant to read another note written in this style +of righteous indignation: + +Voltaire, the hardy Voltaire, whose pen is without bit or bridle; +Voltaire, who devoured the Bible, and ridiculed our dogmas, doubts, and +after having made proselytes to impiety, is not ashamed, being reduced to +the extremity of life, to ask for the sacraments, and to cover his body +with more relics than St. Louis had at Amboise. + +Here is an argument more in keeping with the tone of the Memoirs: + +A girl who is pretty and good, and as virtuous as you please, ought not +to take it ill that a man, carried away by her charms, should set himself +to the task of making their conquest. If this man cannot please her by +any means, even if his passion be criminal, she ought never to take +offence at it, nor treat him unkindly; she ought to be gentle, and pity +him, if she does not love him, and think it enough to keep invincibly +hold upon her own duty. + +Occasionally he touches upon aesthetical matters, as in a fragment which +begins with this liberal definition of beauty: + +Harmony makes beauty, says M. de S. P. (Bernardin de St. Pierre), but the +definition is too short, if he thinks he has said everything. Here is +mine. Remember that the subject is metaphysical. An object really +beautiful ought to seem beautiful to all whose eyes fall upon it. That is +all; there is nothing more to be said. + +At times we have an anecdote and its commentary, perhaps jotted down for +use in that latter part of the Memoirs which was never written, or which +has been lost. Here is a single sheet, dated 'this 2nd September, 1791,' +and headed Souvenir: + +The Prince de Rosenberg said to me, as we went down stairs, that Madame +de Rosenberg was dead, and asked me if the Comte de Waldstein had in the +library the illustration of the Villa d'Altichiero, which the Emperor had +asked for in vain at the city library of Prague, and when I answered +'yes,' he gave an equivocal laugh. A moment afterwards, he asked me if he +might tell the Emperor. 'Why not, monseigneur? It is not a secret, 'Is +His Majesty coming to Dux?' 'If he goes to Oberlaitensdorf (sic) he will +go to Dux, too; and he may ask you for it, for there is a monument there +which relates to him when he was Grand Duke.' 'In that case, His Majesty +can also see my critical remarks on the Egyptian prints.' + +The Emperor asked me this morning, 6th October, how I employed my time at +Dux, and I told him that I was making an Italian anthology. 'You have all +the Italians, then?' 'All, sire.' See what a lie leads to. If I had not +lied in saying that I was making an anthology, I should not have found +myself obliged to lie again in saying that we have all the Italian poets. +If the Emperor comes to Dux, I shall kill myself. + +'They say that this Dux is a delightful spot,' says Casanova in one of +the most personal of his notes, 'and I see that it might be for many; but +not for me, for what delights me in my old age is independent of the +place which I inhabit. When I do not sleep I dream, and when I am tired +of dreaming I blacken paper, then I read, and most often reject all that +my pen has vomited.' Here we see him blackening paper, on every occasion, +and for every purpose. In one bundle I found an unfinished story about +Roland, and some adventure with women in a cave; then a 'Meditation on +arising from sleep, 19th May 1789'; then a 'Short Reflection of a +Philosopher who finds himself thinking of procuring his own death. At +Dux, on getting out of bed on 13th October 1793, day dedicated to St. +Lucy, memorable in my too long life.' A big budget, containing +cryptograms, is headed 'Grammatical Lottery'; and there is the title-page +of a treatise on The Duplication of the Hexahedron, demonstrated +geometrically to all the Universities and all the Academies of Europe.' +[See Charles Henry, Les Connaissances Mathimatiques de Casanova. Rome, +1883.] There are innumerable verses, French and Italian, in all stages, +occasionally attaining the finality of these lines, which appear in half +a dozen tentative forms: + + 'Sans mystere point de plaisirs, + Sans silence point de mystere. + Charme divin de mes loisirs, + Solitude! que tu mes chere! + +Then there are a number of more or less complete manuscripts of some +extent. There is the manuscript of the translation of Homer's 'Iliad, in +ottava rima (published in Venice, 1775-8); of the 'Histoire de Venise,' +of the 'Icosameron,' a curious book published in 1787, purporting to be +'translated from English,' but really an original work of Casanova; +'Philocalies sur les Sottises des Mortels,' a long manuscript never +published; the sketch and beginning of 'Le Pollmarque, ou la Calomnie +demasquee par la presence d'esprit. Tragicomedie en trois actes, composed +a Dux dans le mois de Juin de l'Annee, 1791,' which recurs again under +the form of the 'Polemoscope: La Lorgnette menteuse ou la Calomnie +demasquge,' acted before the Princess de Ligne, at her chateau at +Teplitz, 1791. There is a treatise in Italian, 'Delle Passioni'; there +are long dialogues, such as 'Le Philosophe et le Theologien', and 'Reve': +'Dieu-Moi'; there is the 'Songe d'un Quart d'Heure', divided into +minutes; there is the very lengthy criticism of 'Bernardin de +Saint-Pierre'; there is the 'Confutation d'une Censure indiscrate qu'on +lit dans la Gazette de Iena, 19 Juin 1789'; with another large +manuscript, unfortunately imperfect, first called 'L'Insulte', and then +'Placet au Public', dated 'Dux, this 2nd March, 1790,' referring to the +same criticism on the 'Icosameron' and the 'Fuite des Prisons. L'Histoire +de ma Fuite des Prisons de la Republique de Venise, qu'on appelle les +Plombs', which is the first draft of the most famous part of the Memoirs, +was published at Leipzig in 1788; and, having read it in the Marcian +Library at Venice, I am not surprised to learn from this indignant +document that it was printed 'under the care of a young Swiss, who had +the talent to commit a hundred faults of orthography.' + + + +III. + +We come now to the documents directly relating to the Memoirs, and among +these are several attempts at a preface, in which we see the actual +preface coming gradually into form. One is entitled 'Casanova au +Lecteur', another 'Histoire de mon Existence', and a third Preface. There +is also a brief and characteristic 'Precis de ma vie', dated November 17, +1797. Some of these have been printed in Le Livre, 1887. But by far the +most important manuscript that I discovered, one which, apparently, I am +the first to discover, is a manuscript entitled 'Extrait du Chapitre 4 et +5. It is written on paper similar to that on which the Memoirs are +written; the pages are numbered 104-148; and though it is described as +Extrait, it seems to contain, at all events, the greater part of the +missing chapters to which I have already referred, Chapters IV. and V. of +the last volume of the Memoirs. In this manuscript we find Armeline and +Scolastica, whose story is interrupted by the abrupt ending of Chapter +III.; we find Mariuccia of Vol. VII, Chapter IX., who married a +hairdresser; and we find also Jaconine, whom Casanova recognises as his +daughter, 'much prettier than Sophia, the daughter of Therese Pompeati, +whom I had left at London.' It is curious that this very important +manuscript, which supplies the one missing link in the Memoirs, should +never have been discovered by any of the few people who have had the +opportunity of looking over the Dux manuscripts. I am inclined to explain +it by the fact that the case in which I found this manuscript contains +some papers not relating to Casanova. Probably, those who looked into +this case looked no further. I have told Herr Brockhaus of my discovery, +and I hope to see Chapters IV. and V. in their places when the +long-looked-for edition of the complete text is at length given to the +world. + +Another manuscript which I found tells with great piquancy the whole +story of the Abbe de Brosses' ointment, the curing of the Princess de +Conti's pimples, and the birth of the Duc de Montpensier, which is told +very briefly, and with much less point, in the Memoirs (vol. iii., p. +327). Readers of the Memoirs will remember the duel at Warsaw with Count +Branicki in 1766 (vol. X., pp. 274-320), an affair which attracted a good +deal of attention at the time, and of which there is an account in a +letter from the Abbe Taruffi to the dramatist, Francesco Albergati, dated +Warsaw, March 19, 1766, quoted in Ernesto Masi's Life of Albergati, +Bologna, 1878. A manuscript at Dux in Casanova's handwriting gives an +account of this duel in the third person; it is entitled, 'Description de +l'affaire arrivee a Varsovie le 5 Mars, 1766'. D'Ancona, in the Nuova +Antologia (vol. lxvii., p. 412), referring to the Abbe Taruffi's account, +mentions what he considers to be a slight discrepancy: that Taruffi +refers to the danseuse, about whom the duel was fought, as La Casacci, +while Casanova refers to her as La Catai. In this manuscript Casanova +always refers to her as La Casacci; La Catai is evidently one of M. +Laforgue's arbitrary alterations of the text. + +In turning over another manuscript, I was caught by the name Charpillon, +which every reader of the Memoirs will remember as the name of the harpy +by whom Casanova suffered so much in London, in 1763-4. This manuscript +begins by saying: 'I have been in London for six months and have been to +see them (that is, the mother and daughter) in their own house,' where he +finds nothing but 'swindlers, who cause all who go there to lose their +money in gambling.' This manuscript adds some details to the story told +in the ninth and tenth volumes of the Memoirs, and refers to the meeting +with the Charpillons four and a half years before, described in Volume +V., pages 428-485. It is written in a tone of great indignation. +Elsewhere, I found a letter written by Casanova, but not signed, +referring to an anonymous letter which he had received in reference to +the Charpillons, and ending: 'My handwriting is known.' It was not until +the last that I came upon great bundles of letters addressed to Casanova, +and so carefully preserved that little scraps of paper, on which +postscripts are written, are still in their places. One still sees the +seals on the backs of many of the letters, on paper which has slightly +yellowed with age, leaving the ink, however, almost always fresh. They +come from Venice, Paris, Rome, Prague, Bayreuth, The Hague, Genoa, Fiume, +Trieste, etc., and are addressed to as many places, often poste restante. +Many are letters from women, some in beautiful handwriting, on thick +paper; others on scraps of paper, in painful hands, ill-spelt. A Countess +writes pitifully, imploring help; one protests her love, in spite of the +'many chagrins' he has caused her; another asks 'how they are to live +together'; another laments that a report has gone about that she is +secretly living with him, which may harm his reputation. Some are in +French, more in Italian. 'Mon cher Giacometto', writes one woman, in +French; 'Carissimo a Amatissimo', writes another, in Italian. These +letters from women are in some confusion, and are in need of a good deal +of sorting over and rearranging before their full extent can be realised. +Thus I found letters in the same handwriting separated by letters in +other handwritings; many are unsigned, or signed only by a single +initial; many are undated, or dated only with the day of the week or +month. There are a great many letters, dating from 1779 to 1786, signed +'Francesca Buschini,' a name which I cannot identify; they are written in +Italian, and one of them begins: 'Unico Mio vero Amico' ('my only true +friend'). Others are signed 'Virginia B.'; one of these is dated, 'Forli, +October 15, 1773.' There is also a 'Theresa B.,' who writes from Genoa. I +was at first unable to identify the writer of a whole series of letters +in French, very affectionate and intimate letters, usually unsigned, +occasionally signed 'B.' She calls herself votre petite amie; or she ends +with a half-smiling, half-reproachful 'goodnight, and sleep better than +I' In one letter, sent from Paris in 1759, she writes: 'Never believe me, +but when I tell you that I love you, and that I shall love you always: In +another letter, ill-spelt, as her letters often are, she writes: 'Be +assured that evil tongues, vapours, calumny, nothing can change my heart, +which is yours entirely, and has no will to change its master.' Now, it +seems to me that these letters must be from Manon Baletti, and that they +are the letters referred to in the sixth volume of the Memoirs. We read +there (page 60) how on Christmas Day, 1759, Casanova receives a letter +from Manon in Paris, announcing her marriage with 'M. Blondel, architect +to the King, and member of his Academy'; she returns him his letters, and +begs him to return hers, or burn them. Instead of doing so he allows +Esther to read them, intending to burn them afterwards. Esther begs to be +allowed to keep the letters, promising to 'preserve them religiously all +her life.' 'These letters,' he says, 'numbered more than two hundred, and +the shortest were of four pages: Certainly there are not two hundred of +them at Dux, but it seems to me highly probable that Casanova made a +final selection from Manon's letters, and that it is these which I have +found. + +But, however this may be, I was fortunate enough to find the set of +letters which I was most anxious to find the letters from Henriette, +whose loss every writer on Casanova has lamented. Henriette, it will be +remembered, makes her first appearance at Cesena, in the year 1748; after +their meeting at Geneva, she reappears, romantically 'a propos', +twenty-two years later, at Aix in Provence; and she writes to Casanova +proposing 'un commerce epistolaire', asking him what he has done since +his escape from prison, and promising to do her best to tell him all that +has happened to her during the long interval. After quoting her letter, +he adds: 'I replied to her, accepting the correspondence that she offered +me, and telling her briefly all my vicissitudes. She related to me in +turn, in some forty letters, all the history of her life. If she dies +before me, I shall add these letters to these Memoirs; but to-day she is +still alive, and always happy, though now old.' It has never been known +what became of these letters, and why they were not added to the Memoirs. +I have found a great quantity of them, some signed with her married name +in full, 'Henriette de Schnetzmann,' and I am inclined to think that she +survived Casanova, for one of the letters is dated Bayreuth, 1798, the +year of Casanova's death. They are remarkably charming, written with a +mixture of piquancy and distinction; and I will quote the characteristic +beginning and end of the last letter I was able to find. It begins: 'No, +it is impossible to be sulky with you!' and ends: 'If I become vicious, +it is you, my Mentor, who make me so, and I cast my sins upon you. Even +if I were damned I should still be your most devoted friend, Henriette de +Schnetzmann.' Casanova was twenty-three when he met Henriette; now, +herself an old woman, she writes to him when he is seventy-three, as if +the fifty years that had passed were blotted out in the faithful +affection of her memory. How many more discreet and less changing lovers +have had the quality of constancy in change, to which this life-long +correspondence bears witness? Does it not suggest a view of Casanova not +quite the view of all the world? To me it shows the real man, who perhaps +of all others best understood what Shelley meant when he said: + + True love in this differs from gold or clay + That to divide is not to take away. + +But, though the letters from women naturally interested me the most, they +were only a certain proportion of the great mass of correspondence which +I turned over. There were letters from Carlo Angiolini, who was +afterwards to bring the manuscript of the Memoirs to Brockhaus; from +Balbi, the monk with whom Casanova escaped from the Piombi; from the +Marquis Albergati, playwright, actor, and eccentric, of whom there is +some account in the Memoirs; from the Marquis Mosca, 'a distinguished man +of letters whom I was anxious to see,' Casanova tells us in the same +volume in which he describes his visit to the Moscas at Pesaro; from +Zulian, brother of the Duchess of Fiano; from Richard Lorrain, 'bel +homme, ayant de l'esprit, le ton et le gout de la bonne societe', who +came to settle at Gorizia in 1773, while Casanova was there; from the +Procurator Morosini, whom he speaks of in the Memoirs as his 'protector,' +and as one of those through whom he obtained permission to return to +Venice. His other 'protector,' the 'avogador' Zaguri, had, says Casanova, +'since the affair of the Marquis Albergati, carried on a most interesting +correspondence with me'; and in fact I found a bundle of no less than a +hundred and thirty-eight letters from him, dating from 1784 to 1798. +Another bundle contains one hundred and seventy-two letters from Count +Lamberg. In the Memoirs Casanova says, referring to his visit to Augsburg +at the end of 1761: + +I used to spend my evenings in a very agreeable manner at the house of +Count Max de Lamberg, who resided at the court of the Prince-Bishop with +the title of Grand Marshal. What particularly attached me to Count +Lamberg was his literary talent. A first-rate scholar, learned to a +degree, he has published several much esteemed works. I carried on an +exchange of letters with him which ended only with his death four years +ago in 1792. + +Casanova tells us that, at his second visit to Augsburg in the early part +of 1767, he 'supped with Count Lamberg two or three times a week,' during +the four months he was there. It is with this year that the letters I +have found begin: they end with the year of his death, 1792. In his +'Memorial d'un Mondain' Lamberg refers to Casanova as 'a man known in +literature, a man of profound knowledge.' In the first edition of 1774, +he laments that 'a man such as M. de S. Galt' should not yet have been +taken back into favour by the Venetian government, and in the second +edition, 1775, rejoices over Casanova's return to Venice. Then there are +letters from Da Ponte, who tells the story of Casanova's curious +relations with Mme. d'Urfe, in his 'Memorie scritte da esso', 1829; from +Pittoni, Bono, and others mentioned in different parts of the Memoirs, +and from some dozen others who are not mentioned in them. The only +letters in the whole collection that have been published are those from +the Prince de Ligne and from Count Koenig. + + + +IV. + +Casanova tells us in his Memoirs that, during his later years at Dux, he +had only been able to 'hinder black melancholy from devouring his poor +existence, or sending him out of his mind,' by writing ten or twelve +hours a day. The copious manuscripts at Dux show us how persistently he +was at work on a singular variety of subjects, in addition to the +Memoirs, and to the various books which he published during those years. +We see him jotting down everything that comes into his head, for his own +amusement, and certainly without any thought of publication; engaging in +learned controversies, writing treatises on abstruse mathematical +problems, composing comedies to be acted before Count Waldstein's +neighbours, practising verse-writing in two languages, indeed with more +patience than success, writing philosophical dialogues in which God and +himself are the speakers, and keeping up an extensive correspondence, +both with distinguished men and with delightful women. His mental +activity, up to the age of seventy-three, is as prodigious as the +activity which he had expended in living a multiform and incalculable +life. As in life everything living had interested him so in his +retirement from life every idea makes its separate appeal to him; and he +welcomes ideas with the same impartiality with which he had welcomed +adventures. Passion has intellectualised itself, and remains not less +passionate. He wishes to do everything, to compete with every one; and it +is only after having spent seven years in heaping up miscellaneous +learning, and exercising his faculties in many directions, that he turns +to look back over his own past life, and to live it over again in memory, +as he writes down the narrative of what had interested him most in it. 'I +write in the hope that my history will never see the broad day light of +publication,' he tells us, scarcely meaning it, we may be sure, even in +the moment of hesitancy which may naturally come to him. But if ever a +book was written for the pleasure of writing it, it was this one; and an +autobiography written for oneself is not likely to be anything but frank. + +'Truth is the only God I have ever adored,' he tells us: and we now know +how truthful he was in saying so. I have only summarised in this article +the most important confirmations of his exact accuracy in facts and +dates; the number could be extended indefinitely. In the manuscripts we +find innumerable further confirmations; and their chief value as +testimony is that they tell us nothing which we should not have already +known, if we had merely taken Casanova at his word. But it is not always +easy to take people at their own word, when they are writing about +themselves; and the world has been very loth to believe in Casanova as he +represents himself. It has been specially loth to believe that he is +telling the truth when he tells us about his adventures with women. But +the letters contained among these manuscripts shows us the women of +Casanova writing to him with all the fervour and all the fidelity which +he attributes to them; and they show him to us in the character of as +fervid and faithful a lover. In every fact, every detail, and in the +whole mental impression which they convey, these manuscripts bring before +us the Casanova of the Memoirs. As I seemed to come upon Casanova at +home, it was as if I came upon old friend, already perfectly known to me, +before I had made my pilgrimage to Dux. + +1902 + + + + +TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE + +A series of adventures wilder and more fantastic than the wildest of +romances, written down with the exactitude of a business diary; a view of +men and cities from Naples to Berlin, from Madrid and London to +Constantinople and St. Petersburg; the 'vie intime' of the eighteenth +century depicted by a man, who to-day sat with cardinals and saluted +crowned heads, and to morrow lurked in dens of profligacy and crime; a +book of confessions penned without reticence and without penitence; a +record of forty years of "occult" charlatanism; a collection of tales of +successful imposture, of 'bonnes fortunes', of marvellous escapes, of +transcendent audacity, told with the humour of Smollett and the delicate +wit of Voltaire. Who is there interested in men and letters, and in the +life of the past, who would not cry, "Where can such a book as this be +found?" + +Yet the above catalogue is but a brief outline, a bare and meagre +summary, of the book known as "THE MEMOIRS OF CASANOVA"; a work +absolutely unique in literature. He who opens these wonderful pages is as +one who sits in a theatre and looks across the gloom, not on a +stage-play, but on another and a vanished world. The curtain draws up, +and suddenly a hundred and fifty years are rolled away, and in bright +light stands out before us the whole life of the past; the gay dresses, +the polished wit, the careless morals, and all the revel and dancing of +those merry years before the mighty deluge of the Revolution. The palaces +and marble stairs of old Venice are no longer desolate, but thronged with +scarlet-robed senators, prisoners with the doom of the Ten upon their +heads cross the Bridge of Sighs, at dead of night the nun slips out of +the convent gate to the dark canal where a gondola is waiting, we assist +at the 'parties fines' of cardinals, and we see the bank made at faro. +Venice gives place to the assembly rooms of Mrs. Cornely and the fast +taverns of the London of 1760; we pass from Versailles to the Winter +Palace of St. Petersburg in the days of Catherine, from the policy of the +Great Frederick to the lewd mirth of strolling-players, and the +presence-chamber of the Vatican is succeeded by an intrigue in a garret. +It is indeed a new experience to read this history of a man who, +refraining from nothing, has concealed nothing; of one who stood in the +courts of Louis the Magnificent before Madame de Pompadour and the nobles +of the Ancien Regime, and had an affair with an adventuress of Denmark +Street, Soho; who was bound over to keep the peace by Fielding, and knew +Cagliostro. The friend of popes and kings and noblemen, and of all the +male and female ruffians and vagabonds of Europe, abbe, soldier, +charlatan, gamester, financier, diplomatist, viveur, philosopher, +virtuoso, "chemist, fiddler, and buffoon," each of these, and all of +these was Giacomo Casanova, Chevalier de Seingalt, Knight of the Golden +Spur. + +And not only are the Memoirs a literary curiosity; they are almost +equally curious from a bibliographical point of view. The manuscript was +written in French and came into the possession of the publisher +Brockhaus, of Leipzig, who had it translated into German, and printed. +From this German edition, M. Aubert de Vitry re-translated the work into +French, but omitted about a fourth of the matter, and this mutilated and +worthless version is frequently purchased by unwary bibliophiles. In the +year 1826, however, Brockhaus, in order presumably to protect his +property, printed the entire text of the original MS. in French, for the +first time, and in this complete form, containing a large number of +anecdotes and incidents not to be found in the spurious version, the work +was not acceptable to the authorities, and was consequently rigorously +suppressed. Only a few copies sent out for presentation or for review are +known to have escaped, and from one of these rare copies the present +translation has been made and solely for private circulation. + +In conclusion, both translator and 'editeur' have done their utmost to +present the English Casanova in a dress worthy of the wonderful and witty +original. + + + + +AUTHOR'S PREFACE + +I will begin with this confession: whatever I have done in the course of +my life, whether it be good or evil, has been done freely; I am a free +agent. + +The doctrine of the Stoics or of any other sect as to the force of +Destiny is a bubble engendered by the imagination of man, and is near +akin to Atheism. I not only believe in one God, but my faith as a +Christian is also grafted upon that tree of philosophy which has never +spoiled anything. + +I believe in the existence of an immaterial God, the Author and Master of +all beings and all things, and I feel that I never had any doubt of His +existence, from the fact that I have always relied upon His providence, +prayed to Him in my distress, and that He has always granted my prayers. +Despair brings death, but prayer does away with despair; and when a man +has prayed he feels himself supported by new confidence and endowed with +power to act. As to the means employed by the Sovereign Master of human +beings to avert impending dangers from those who beseech His assistance, +I confess that the knowledge of them is above the intelligence of man, +who can but wonder and adore. Our ignorance becomes our only resource, +and happy, truly happy; are those who cherish their ignorance! Therefore +must we pray to God, and believe that He has granted the favour we have +been praying for, even when in appearance it seems the reverse. As to the +position which our body ought to assume when we address ourselves to the +Creator, a line of Petrarch settles it: + + 'Con le ginocchia della mente inchine.' + +Man is free, but his freedom ceases when he has no faith in it; and the +greater power he ascribes to faith, the more he deprives himself of that +power which God has given to him when He endowed him with the gift of +reason. Reason is a particle of the Creator's divinity. When we use it +with a spirit of humility and justice we are certain to please the Giver +of that precious gift. God ceases to be God only for those who can admit +the possibility of His non-existence, and that conception is in itself +the most severe punishment they can suffer. + +Man is free; yet we must not suppose that he is at liberty to do +everything he pleases, for he becomes a slave the moment he allows his +actions to be ruled by passion. The man who has sufficient power over +himself to wait until his nature has recovered its even balance is the +truly wise man, but such beings are seldom met with. + +The reader of these Memoirs will discover that I never had any fixed aim +before my eyes, and that my system, if it can be called a system, has +been to glide away unconcernedly on the stream of life, trusting to the +wind wherever it led. How many changes arise from such an independent +mode of life! My success and my misfortunes, the bright and the dark days +I have gone through, everything has proved to me that in this world, +either physical or moral, good comes out of evil just as well as evil +comes out of good. My errors will point to thinking men the various +roads, and will teach them the great art of treading on the brink of the +precipice without falling into it. It is only necessary to have courage, +for strength without self-confidence is useless. I have often met with +happiness after some imprudent step which ought to have brought ruin upon +me, and although passing a vote of censure upon myself I would thank God +for his mercy. But, by way of compensation, dire misfortune has befallen +me in consequence of actions prompted by the most cautious wisdom. This +would humble me; yet conscious that I had acted rightly I would easily +derive comfort from that conviction. + +In spite of a good foundation of sound morals, the natural offspring of +the Divine principles which had been early rooted in my heart, I have +been throughout my life the victim of my senses; I have found delight in +losing the right path, I have constantly lived in the midst of error, +with no consolation but the consciousness of my being mistaken. +Therefore, dear reader, I trust that, far from attaching to my history +the character of impudent boasting, you will find in my Memoirs only the +characteristic proper to a general confession, and that my narratory +style will be the manner neither of a repenting sinner, nor of a man +ashamed to acknowledge his frolics. They are the follies inherent to +youth; I make sport of them, and, if you are kind, you will not yourself +refuse them a good-natured smile. You will be amused when you see that I +have more than once deceived without the slightest qualm of conscience, +both knaves and fools. As to the deceit perpetrated upon women, let it +pass, for, when love is in the way, men and women as a general rule dupe +each other. But on the score of fools it is a very different matter. I +always feel the greatest bliss when I recollect those I have caught in my +snares, for they generally are insolent, and so self-conceited that they +challenge wit. We avenge intellect when we dupe a fool, and it is a +victory not to be despised for a fool is covered with steel and it is +often very hard to find his vulnerable part. In fact, to gull a fool +seems to me an exploit worthy of a witty man. I have felt in my very +blood, ever since I was born, a most unconquerable hatred towards the +whole tribe of fools, and it arises from the fact that I feel myself a +blockhead whenever I am in their company. I am very far from placing them +in the same class with those men whom we call stupid, for the latter are +stupid only from deficient education, and I rather like them. I have met +with some of them--very honest fellows, who, with all their stupidity, +had a kind of intelligence and an upright good sense, which cannot be the +characteristics of fools. They are like eyes veiled with the cataract, +which, if the disease could be removed, would be very beautiful. + +Dear reader, examine the spirit of this preface, and you will at once +guess at my purpose. I have written a preface because I wish you to know +me thoroughly before you begin the reading of my Memoirs. It is only in a +coffee-room or at a table d'hote that we like to converse with strangers. + +I have written the history of my life, and I have a perfect right to do +so; but am I wise in throwing it before a public of which I know nothing +but evil? No, I am aware it is sheer folly, but I want to be busy, I want +to laugh, and why should I deny myself this gratification? + + 'Expulit elleboro morbum bilemque mero.' + +An ancient author tells us somewhere, with the tone of a pedagogue, if +you have not done anything worthy of being recorded, at least write +something worthy of being read. It is a precept as beautiful as a diamond +of the first water cut in England, but it cannot be applied to me, +because I have not written either a novel, or the life of an illustrious +character. Worthy or not, my life is my subject, and my subject is my +life. I have lived without dreaming that I should ever take a fancy to +write the history of my life, and, for that very reason, my Memoirs may +claim from the reader an interest and a sympathy which they would not +have obtained, had I always entertained the design to write them in my +old age, and, still more, to publish them. + +I have reached, in 1797, the age of three-score years and twelve; I can +not say, Vixi, and I could not procure a more agreeable pastime than to +relate my own adventures, and to cause pleasant laughter amongst the good +company listening to me, from which I have received so many tokens of +friendship, and in the midst of which I have ever lived. To enable me to +write well, I have only to think that my readers will belong to that +polite society: + + 'Quoecunque dixi, si placuerint, dictavit auditor.' + +Should there be a few intruders whom I can not prevent from perusing my +Memoirs, I must find comfort in the idea that my history was not written +for them. + +By recollecting the pleasures I have had formerly, I renew them, I enjoy +them a second time, while I laugh at the remembrance of troubles now +past, and which I no longer feel. A member of this great universe, I +speak to the air, and I fancy myself rendering an account of my +administration, as a steward is wont to do before leaving his situation. +For my future I have no concern, and as a true philosopher, I never would +have any, for I know not what it may be: as a Christian, on the other +hand, faith must believe without discussion, and the stronger it is, the +more it keeps silent. I know that I have lived because I have felt, and, +feeling giving me the knowledge of my existence, I know likewise that I +shall exist no more when I shall have ceased to feel. + +Should I perchance still feel after my death, I would no longer have any +doubt, but I would most certainly give the lie to anyone asserting before +me that I was dead. + +The history of my life must begin by the earliest circumstance which my +memory can evoke; it will therefore commence when I had attained the age +of eight years and four months. Before that time, if to think is to live +be a true axiom, I did not live, I could only lay claim to a state of +vegetation. The mind of a human being is formed only of comparisons made +in order to examine analogies, and therefore cannot precede the existence +of memory. The mnemonic organ was developed in my head only eight years +and four months after my birth; it is then that my soul began to be +susceptible of receiving impressions. How is it possible for an +immaterial substance, which can neither touch nor be touched to receive +impressions? It is a mystery which man cannot unravel. + +A certain philosophy, full of consolation, and in perfect accord with +religion, pretends that the state of dependence in which the soul stands +in relation to the senses and to the organs, is only incidental and +transient, and that it will reach a condition of freedom and happiness +when the death of the body shall have delivered it from that state of +tyrannic subjection. This is very fine, but, apart from religion, where +is the proof of it all? Therefore, as I cannot, from my own information, +have a perfect certainty of my being immortal until the dissolution of my +body has actually taken place, people must kindly bear with me, if I am +in no hurry to obtain that certain knowledge, for, in my estimation, a +knowledge to be gained at the cost of life is a rather expensive piece of +information. In the mean time I worship God, laying every wrong action +under an interdict which I endeavour to respect, and I loathe the wicked +without doing them any injury. I only abstain from doing them any good, +in the full belief that we ought not to cherish serpents. + +As I must likewise say a few words respecting my nature and my +temperament, I premise that the most indulgent of my readers is not +likely to be the most dishonest or the least gifted with intelligence. + +I have had in turn every temperament; phlegmatic in my infancy; sanguine +in my youth; later on, bilious; and now I have a disposition which +engenders melancholy, and most likely will never change. I always made my +food congenial to my constitution, and my health was always excellent. I +learned very early that our health is always impaired by some excess +either of food or abstinence, and I never had any physician except +myself. I am bound to add that the excess in too little has ever proved +in me more dangerous than the excess in too much; the last may cause +indigestion, but the first causes death. + +Now, old as I am, and although enjoying good digestive organs, I must +have only one meal every day; but I find a set-off to that privation in +my delightful sleep, and in the ease which I experience in writing down +my thoughts without having recourse to paradox or sophism, which would be +calculated to deceive myself even more than my readers, for I never could +make up my mind to palm counterfeit coin upon them if I knew it to be +such. + +The sanguine temperament rendered me very sensible to the attractions of +voluptuousness: I was always cheerful and ever ready to pass from one +enjoyment to another, and I was at the same time very skillful in +inventing new pleasures. Thence, I suppose, my natural disposition to +make fresh acquaintances, and to break with them so readily, although +always for a good reason, and never through mere fickleness. The errors +caused by temperament are not to be corrected, because our temperament is +perfectly independent of our strength: it is not the case with our +character. Heart and head are the constituent parts of character; +temperament has almost nothing to do with it, and, therefore, character +is dependent upon education, and is susceptible of being corrected and +improved. + +I leave to others the decision as to the good or evil tendencies of my +character, but such as it is it shines upon my countenance, and there it +can easily be detected by any physiognomist. It is only on the fact that +character can be read; there it lies exposed to the view. It is worthy of +remark that men who have no peculiar cast of countenance, and there are a +great many such men, are likewise totally deficient in peculiar +characteristics, and we may establish the rule that the varieties in +physiognomy are equal to the differences in character. I am aware that +throughout my life my actions have received their impulse more from the +force of feeling than from the wisdom of reason, and this has led me to +acknowledge that my conduct has been dependent upon my nature more than +upon my mind; both are generally at war, and in the midst of their +continual collisions I have never found in me sufficient mind to balance +my nature, or enough strength in my nature to counteract the power of my +mind. But enough of this, for there is truth in the old saying: 'Si +brevis esse volo, obscurus fio', and I believe that, without offending +against modesty, I can apply to myself the following words of my dear +Virgil: + + 'Nec sum adeo informis: nuper me in littore vidi + Cum placidum ventis staret mare.' + +The chief business of my life has always been to indulge my senses; I +never knew anything of greater importance. I felt myself born for the +fair sex, I have ever loved it dearly, and I have been loved by it as +often and as much as I could. I have likewise always had a great weakness +for good living, and I ever felt passionately fond of every object which +excited my curiosity. + +I have had friends who have acted kindly towards me, and it has been my +good fortune to have it in my power to give them substantial proofs of my +gratitude. I have had also bitter enemies who have persecuted me, and +whom I have not crushed simply because I could not do it. I never would +have forgiven them, had I not lost the memory of all the injuries they +had heaped upon me. The man who forgets does not forgive, he only loses +the remembrance of the harm inflicted on him; forgiveness is the +offspring of a feeling of heroism, of a noble heart, of a generous mind, +whilst forgetfulness is only the result of a weak memory, or of an easy +carelessness, and still oftener of a natural desire for calm and +quietness. Hatred, in the course of time, kills the unhappy wretch who +delights in nursing it in his bosom. + +Should anyone bring against me an accusation of sensuality he would be +wrong, for all the fierceness of my senses never caused me to neglect any +of my duties. For the same excellent reason, the accusation of +drunkenness ought not to have been brought against Homer: + + 'Laudibus arguitur vini vinosus Homerus.' + +I have always been fond of highly-seasoned, rich dishes, such as macaroni +prepared by a skilful Neapolitan cook, the olla-podrida of the Spaniards, +the glutinous codfish from Newfoundland, game with a strong flavour, and +cheese the perfect state of which is attained when the tiny animaculae +formed from its very essence begin to shew signs of life. As for women, I +have always found the odour of my beloved ones exceeding pleasant. + +What depraved tastes! some people will exclaim. Are you not ashamed to +confess such inclinations without blushing! Dear critics, you make me +laugh heartily. Thanks to my coarse tastes, I believe myself happier than +other men, because I am convinced that they enhance my enjoyment. Happy +are those who know how to obtain pleasures without injury to anyone; +insane are those who fancy that the Almighty can enjoy the sufferings, +the pains, the fasts and abstinences which they offer to Him as a +sacrifice, and that His love is granted only to those who tax themselves +so foolishly. God can only demand from His creatures the practice of +virtues the seed of which He has sown in their soul, and all He has given +unto us has been intended for our happiness; self-love, thirst for +praise, emulation, strength, courage, and a power of which nothing can +deprive us--the power of self-destruction, if, after due calculation, +whether false or just, we unfortunately reckon death to be advantageous. +This is the strongest proof of our moral freedom so much attacked by +sophists. Yet this power of self-destruction is repugnant to nature, and +has been rightly opposed by every religion. + +A so-called free-thinker told me at one time that I could not consider +myself a philosopher if I placed any faith in revelation. But when we +accept it readily in physics, why should we reject it in religious +matters? The form alone is the point in question. The spirit speaks to +the spirit, and not to the ears. The principles of everything we are +acquainted with must necessarily have been revealed to those from whom we +have received them by the great, supreme principle, which contains them +all. The bee erecting its hive, the swallow building its nest, the ant +constructing its cave, and the spider warping its web, would never have +done anything but for a previous and everlasting revelation. We must +either believe that it is so, or admit that matter is endowed with +thought. But as we dare not pay such a compliment to matter, let us stand +by revelation. + +The great philosopher, who having deeply studied nature, thought he had +found the truth because he acknowledged nature as God, died too soon. Had +he lived a little while longer, he would have gone much farther, and yet +his journey would have been but a short one, for finding himself in his +Author, he could not have denied Him: In Him we move and have our being. +He would have found Him inscrutable, and thus would have ended his +journey. + +God, great principle of all minor principles, God, who is Himself without +a principle, could not conceive Himself, if, in order to do it, He +required to know His own principle. + +Oh, blissful ignorance! Spinosa, the virtuous Spinosa, died before he +could possess it. He would have died a learned man and with a right to +the reward his virtue deserved, if he had only supposed his soul to be +immortal! + +It is not true that a wish for reward is unworthy of real virtue, and +throws a blemish upon its purity. Such a pretension, on the contrary, +helps to sustain virtue, man being himself too weak to consent to be +virtuous only for his own 'gratification. I hold as a myth that +Amphiaraus who preferred to be good than to seem good. In fact, I do not +believe there is an honest man alive without some pretension, and here is +mine. + +I pretend to the friendship, to the esteem, to the gratitude of my +readers. I claim their gratitude, if my Memoirs can give them instruction +and pleasure; I claim their esteem if, rendering me justice, they find +more good qualities in me than faults, and I claim their friendship as +soon as they deem me worthy of it by the candour and the good faith with +which I abandon myself to their judgment, without disguise and exactly as +I am in reality. They will find that I have always had such sincere love +for truth, that I have often begun by telling stories for the purpose of +getting truth to enter the heads of those who could not appreciate its +charms. They will not form a wrong opinion of me when they see one +emptying the purse of my friends to satisfy my fancies, for those friends +entertained idle schemes, and by giving them the hope of success I +trusted to disappointment to cure them. I would deceive them to make them +wiser, and I did not consider myself guilty, for I applied to my own +enjoyment sums of money which would have been lost in the vain pursuit of +possessions denied by nature; therefore I was not actuated by any +avaricious rapacity. I might think myself guilty if I were rich now, but +I have nothing. I have squandered everything; it is my comfort and my +justification. The money was intended for extravagant follies, and by +applying it to my own frolics I did not turn it into a very different, +channel. + +If I were deceived in my hope to please, I candidly confess I would +regret it, but not sufficiently so to repent having written my Memoirs, +for, after all, writing them has given me pleasure. Oh, cruel ennui! It +must be by mistake that those who have invented the torments of hell have +forgotten to ascribe thee the first place among them. Yet I am bound to +own that I entertain a great fear of hisses; it is too natural a fear for +me to boast of being insensible to them, and I cannot find any solace in +the idea that, when these Memoirs are published, I shall be no more. I +cannot think without a shudder of contracting any obligation towards +death: I hate death; for, happy or miserable, life is the only blessing +which man possesses, and those who do not love it are unworthy of it. If +we prefer honour to life, it is because life is blighted by infamy; and +if, in the alternative, man sometimes throws away his life, philosophy +must remain silent. + +Oh, death, cruel death! Fatal law which nature necessarily rejects +because thy very office is to destroy nature! Cicero says that death +frees us from all pains and sorrows, but this great philosopher books all +the expense without taking the receipts into account. I do not recollect +if, when he wrote his 'Tusculan Disputations', his own Tullia was dead. +Death is a monster which turns away from the great theatre an attentive +hearer before the end of the play which deeply interests him, and this is +reason enough to hate it. + +All my adventures are not to be found in these Memoirs; I have left out +those which might have offended the persons who have played a sorry part +therein. In spite of this reserve, my readers will perhaps often think me +indiscreet, and I am sorry for it. Should I perchance become wiser before +I give up the ghost, I might burn every one of these sheets, but now I +have not courage enough to do it. + +It may be that certain love scenes will be considered too explicit, but +let no one blame me, unless it be for lack of skill, for I ought not to +be scolded because, in my old age, I can find no other enjoyment but that +which recollections of the past afford to me. After all, virtuous and +prudish readers are at liberty to skip over any offensive pictures, and I +think it my duty to give them this piece of advice; so much the worse for +those who may not read my preface; it is no fault of mine if they do not, +for everyone ought to know that a preface is to a book what the play-bill +is to a comedy; both must be read. + +My Memoirs are not written for young persons who, in order to avoid false +steps and slippery roads, ought to spend their youth in blissful +ignorance, but for those who, having thorough experience of life, are no +longer exposed to temptation, and who, having but too often gone through +the fire, are like salamanders, and can be scorched by it no more. True +virtue is but a habit, and I have no hesitation in saying that the really +virtuous are those persons who can practice virtue without the slightest +trouble; such persons are always full of toleration, and it is to them +that my Memoirs are addressed. + +I have written in French, and not in Italian, because the French language +is more universal than mine, and the purists, who may criticise in my +style some Italian turns will be quite right, but only in case it should +prevent them from understanding me clearly. The Greeks admired +Theophrastus in spite of his Eresian style, and the Romans delighted in +their Livy in spite of his Patavinity. Provided I amuse my readers, it +seems to me that I can claim the same indulgence. After all, every +Italian reads Algarotti with pleasure, although his works are full of +French idioms. + +There is one thing worthy of notice: of all the living languages +belonging to the republic of letters, the French tongue is the only one +which has been condemned by its masters never to borrow in order to +become richer, whilst all other languages, although richer in words than +the French, plunder from it words and constructions of sentences, +whenever they find that by such robbery they add something to their own +beauty. Yet those who borrow the most from the French, are the most +forward in trumpeting the poverty of that language, very likely thinking +that such an accusation justifies their depredations. It is said that the +French language has attained the apogee of its beauty, and that the +smallest foreign loan would spoil it, but I make bold to assert that this +is prejudice, for, although it certainly is the most clear, the most +logical of all languages, it would be great temerity to affirm that it +can never go farther or higher than it has gone. We all recollect that, +in the days of Lulli, there was but one opinion of his music, yet Rameau +came and everything was changed. The new impulse given to the French +nation may open new and unexpected horizons, and new beauties, fresh +perfections, may spring up from new combinations and from new wants. + +The motto I have adopted justifies my digressions, and all the +commentaries, perhaps too numerous, in which I indulge upon my various +exploits: 'Nequidquam sapit qui sibi non sapit'. For the same reason I +have always felt a great desire to receive praise and applause from +polite society: + + 'Excitat auditor stadium, laudataque virtus + Crescit, et immensum gloria calcar habet. + +I would willingly have displayed here the proud axiom: 'Nemo laeditur +nisi a se ipso', had I not feared to offend the immense number of persons +who, whenever anything goes wrong with them, are wont to exclaim, "It is +no fault of mine!" I cannot deprive them of that small particle of +comfort, for, were it not for it, they would soon feel hatred for +themselves, and self-hatred often leads to the fatal idea of +self-destruction. + +As for myself I always willingly acknowledge my own self as the principal +cause of every good or of every evil which may befall me; therefore I +have always found myself capable of being my own pupil, and ready to love +my teacher. + + THE MEMOIRS OF + JACQUES CASANOVA + + + + +CHAPTER I + +My Family Pedigree--My Childhood + +Don Jacob Casanova, the illegitimate son of Don Francisco Casanova, was a +native of Saragosa, the capital of Aragon, and in the year of 1428 he +carried off Dona Anna Palofax from her convent, on the day after she had +taken the veil. He was secretary to King Alfonso. He ran away with her to +Rome, where, after one year of imprisonment, the pope, Martin III., +released Anna from her vows, and gave them the nuptial blessing at the +instance of Don Juan Casanova, majordomo of the Vatican, and uncle of Don +Jacob. All the children born from that marriage died in their infancy, +with the exception of Don Juan, who, in 1475, married Donna Eleonora +Albini, by whom he had a son, Marco Antonio. + +In 1481, Don Juan, having killed an officer of the king of Naples, was +compelled to leave Rome, and escaped to Como with his wife and his son; +but having left that city to seek his fortune, he died while traveling +with Christopher Columbus in the year 1493. + +Marco Antonio became a noted poet of the school of Martial, and was +secretary to Cardinal Pompeo Colonna. + +The satire against Giulio de Medicis, which we find in his works, having +made it necessary for him to leave Rome, he returned to Como, where he +married Abondia Rezzonica. The same Giulio de Medicis, having become pope +under the name of Clement VII, pardoned him and called him back to Rome +with his wife. The city having been taken and ransacked by the +Imperialists in 1526, Marco Antonio died there from an attack of the +plague; otherwise he would have died of misery, the soldiers of Charles +V. having taken all he possessed. Pierre Valerien speaks of him in his +work 'de infelicitate litteratorum'. + +Three months after his death, his wife gave birth to Jacques Casanova, +who died in France at a great age, colonel in the army commanded by +Farnese against Henri, king of Navarre, afterwards king of France. He had +left in the city of Parma a son who married Theresa Conti, from whom he +had Jacques, who, in the year 1681, married Anna Roli. Jacques had two +sons, Jean-Baptiste and Gaetan-Joseph-Jacques. The eldest left Parma in +1712, and was never heard of; the other also went away in 1715, being +only nineteen years old. + +This is all I have found in my father's diary: from my mother's lips I +have heard the following particulars: + +Gaetan-Joseph-Jacques left his family, madly in love with an actress +named Fragoletta, who performed the chambermaids. In his poverty, he +determined to earn a living by making the most of his own person. At +first he gave himself up to dancing, and five years afterwards became an +actor, making himself conspicuous by his conduct still more than by his +talent. + +Whether from fickleness or from jealousy, he abandoned the Fragoletta, +and joined in Venice a troop of comedians then giving performances at the +Saint-Samuel Theatre. Opposite the house in which he had taken his +lodging resided a shoemaker, by name Jerome Farusi, with his wife Marzia, +and Zanetta, their only daughter--a perfect beauty sixteen years of age. +The young actor fell in love with this girl, succeeded in gaining her +affection, and in obtaining her consent to a runaway match. It was the +only way to win her, for, being an actor, he never could have had +Marzia's consent, still less Jerome's, as in their eyes a player was a +most awful individual. The young lovers, provided with the necessary +certificates and accompanied by two witnesses, presented themselves +before the Patriarch of Venice, who performed over them the marriage +ceremony. Marzia, Zanetta's mother, indulged in a good deal of +exclamation, and the father died broken-hearted. + +I was born nine months afterwards, on the 2nd of April, 1725. + +The following April my mother left me under the care of her own mother, +who had forgiven her as soon as she had heard that my father had promised +never to compel her to appear on the stage. This is a promise which all +actors make to the young girls they marry, and which they never fulfil, +simply because their wives never care much about claiming from them the +performance of it. Moreover, it turned out a very fortunate thing for my +mother that she had studied for the stage, for nine years later, having +been left a widow with six children, she could not have brought them up +if it had not been for the resources she found in that profession. + +I was only one year old when my father left me to go to London, where he +had an engagement. It was in that great city that my mother made her +first appearance on the stage, and in that city likewise that she gave +birth to my brother Francois, a celebrated painter of battles, now +residing in Vienna, where he has followed his profession since 1783. + +Towards the end of the year 1728 my mother returned to Venice with her +husband, and as she had become an actress she continued her artistic +life. In 1730 she was delivered of my brother Jean, who became Director +of the Academy of painting at Dresden, and died there in 1795; and during +the three following years she became the mother of two daughters, one of +whom died at an early age, while the other married in Dresden, where she +still lived in 1798. I had also a posthumous brother, who became a +priest; he died in Rome fifteen years ago. + +Let us now come to the dawn of my existence in the character of a +thinking being. + +The organ of memory began to develop itself in me at the beginning of +August, 1733. I had at that time reached the age of eight years and four +months. Of what may have happened to me before that period I have not the +faintest recollection. This is the circumstance. + +I was standing in the corner of a room bending towards the wall, +supporting my head, and my eyes fixed upon a stream of blood flowing from +my nose to the ground. My grandmother, Marzia, whose pet I was, came to +me, bathed my face with cold water, and, unknown to everyone in the +house, took me with her in a gondola as far as Muran, a thickly-populated +island only half a league distant from Venice. + +Alighting from the gondola, we enter a wretched hole, where we find an +old woman sitting on a rickety bed, holding a black cat in her arms, with +five or six more purring around her. The two old cronies held together a +long discourse of which, most likely, I was the subject. At the end of +the dialogue, which was carried on in the patois of Forli, the witch +having received a silver ducat from my grandmother, opened a box, took me +in her arms, placed me in the box and locked me in it, telling me not to +be frightened--a piece of advice which would certainly have had the +contrary effect, if I had had any wits about me, but I was stupefied. I +kept myself quiet in a corner of the box, holding a handkerchief to my +nose because it was still bleeding, and otherwise very indifferent to the +uproar going on outside. I could hear in turn, laughter, weeping, +singing, screams, shrieks, and knocking against the box, but for all that +I cared nought. At last I am taken out of the box; the blood stops +flowing. The wonderful old witch, after lavishing caresses upon me, takes +off my clothes, lays me on the bed, burns some drugs, gathers the smoke +in a sheet which she wraps around me, pronounces incantations, takes the +sheet off me, and gives me five sugar-plums of a very agreeable taste. +Then she immediately rubs my temples and the nape of my neck with an +ointment exhaling a delightful perfume, and puts my clothes on me again. +She told me that my haemorrhage would little by little leave me, provided +I should never disclose to any one what she had done to cure me, and she +threatened me, on the other hand, with the loss of all my blood and with +death, should I ever breathe a word concerning those mysteries. After +having thus taught me my lesson, she informed me that a beautiful lady +would pay me a visit during the following night, and that she would make +me happy, on condition that I should have sufficient control over myself +never to mention to anyone my having received such a visit. Upon this we +left and returned home. + +I fell asleep almost as soon as I was in bed, without giving a thought to +the beautiful visitor I was to receive; but, waking up a few hours +afterwards, I saw, or fancied I saw, coming down the chimney, a dazzling +woman, with immense hoops, splendidly attired, and wearing on her head a +crown set with precious stones, which seemed to me sparkling with fire. +With slow steps, but with a majestic and sweet countenance, she came +forward and sat on my bed; then taking several small boxes from her +pocket, she emptied their contents over my head, softly whispering a few +words, and after giving utterance to a long speech, not a single word of +which I understood, she kissed me and disappeared the same way she had +come. I soon went again to sleep. + +The next morning, my grandmother came to dress me, and the moment she was +near my bed, she cautioned me to be silent, threatening me with death if +I dared to say anything respecting my night's adventures. This command, +laid upon me by the only woman who had complete authority over me, and +whose orders I was accustomed to obey blindly, caused me to remember the +vision, and to store it, with the seal of secrecy, in the inmost corner +of my dawning memory. I had not, however, the slightest inclination to +mention the circumstances to anyone; in the first place, because I did +not suppose it would interest anybody, and in the second because I would +not have known whom to make a confidant of. My disease had rendered me +dull and retired; everybody pitied me and left me to myself; my life was +considered likely to be but a short one, and as to my parents, they never +spoke to me. + +After the journey to Muran, and the nocturnal visit of the fairy, I +continued to have bleeding at the nose, but less from day to day, and my +memory slowly developed itself. I learned to read in less than a month. + +It would be ridiculous, of course, to attribute this cure to such +follies, but at the same time I think it would be wrong to assert that +they did not in any way contribute to it. As far as the apparition of the +beautiful queen is concerned, I have always deemed it to be a dream, +unless it should have been some masquerade got up for the occasion, but +it is not always in the druggist's shop that are found the best remedies +for severe diseases. Our ignorance is every day proved by some wonderful +phenomenon, and I believe this to be the reason why it is so difficult to +meet with a learned man entirely untainted with superstition. We know, as +a matter of course, that there never have been any sorcerers in this +world, yet it is true that their power has always existed in the +estimation of those to whom crafty knaves have passed themselves off as +such. 'Somnio nocturnos lemures portentaque Thessalia vides'. + +Many things become real which, at first, had no existence but in our +imagination, and, as a natural consequence, many facts which have been +attributed to Faith may not always have been miraculous, although they +are true miracles for those who lend to Faith a boundless power. + +The next circumstance of any importance to myself which I recollect +happened three months after my trip to Muran, and six weeks before my +father's death. I give it to my readers only to convey some idea of the +manner in which my nature was expanding. + +One day, about the middle of November, I was with my brother Francois, +two years younger than I, in my father's room, watching him attentively +as he was working at optics. A large lump of crystal, round and cut into +facets, attracted my attention. I took it up, and having brought it near +my eyes I was delighted to see that it multiplied objects. The wish to +possess myself of it at once got hold of me, and seeing myself unobserved +I took my opportunity and hid it in my pocket. + +A few minutes after this my father looked about for his crystal, and +unable to find it, he concluded that one of us must have taken it. My +brother asserted that he had not touched it, and I, although guilty, said +the same; but my father, satisfied that he could not be mistaken, +threatened to search us and to thrash the one who had told him a story. I +pretended to look for the crystal in every corner of the room, and, +watching my opportunity I slyly slipped it in the pocket of my brother's +jacket. At first I was sorry for what I had done, for I might as well +have feigned to find the crystal somewhere about the room; but the evil +deed was past recall. My father, seeing that we were looking in vain, +lost patience, searched us, found the unlucky ball of crystal in the +pocket of the innocent boy, and inflicted upon him the promised +thrashing. Three or four years later I was foolish enough to boast before +my brother of the trick I had then played on him; he never forgave me, +and has never failed to take his revenge whenever the opportunity +offered. + +However, having at a later period gone to confession, and accused myself +to the priest of the sin with every circumstance surrounding it, I gained +some knowledge which afforded me great satisfaction. My confessor, who +was a Jesuit, told me that by that deed I had verified the meaning of my +first name, Jacques, which, he said, meant, in Hebrew, "supplanter," and +that God had changed for that reason the name of the ancient patriarch +into that of Israel, which meant "knowing." He had deceived his brother +Esau. + +Six weeks after the above adventure my father was attacked with an +abscess in the head which carried him off in a week. Dr. Zambelli first +gave him oppilative remedies, and, seeing his mistake, he tried to mend +it by administering castoreum, which sent his patient into convulsions +and killed him. The abscess broke out through the ear one minute after +his death, taking its leave after killing him, as if it had no longer any +business with him. My father departed this life in the very prime of his +manhood. He was only thirty-six years of age, but he was followed to his +grave by the regrets of the public, and more particularly of all the +patricians amongst whom he was held as above his profession, not less on +account of his gentlemanly behaviour than on account of his extensive +knowledge in mechanics. + +Two days before his death, feeling that his end was at hand, my father +expressed a wish to see us all around his bed, in the presence of his +wife and of the Messieurs Grimani, three Venetian noblemen whose +protection he wished to entreat in our favour. After giving us his +blessing, he requested our mother, who was drowned in tears, to give her +sacred promise that she would not educate any of us for the stage, on +which he never would have appeared himself had he not been led to it by +an unfortunate attachment. My mother gave her promise, and the three +noblemen said that they would see to its being faithfully kept. +Circumstances helped our mother to fulfill her word. + +At that time my mother had been pregnant for six months, and she was +allowed to remain away from the stage until after Easter. Beautiful and +young as she was, she declined all the offers of marriage which were made +to her, and, placing her trust in Providence, she courageously devoted +herself to the task of bringing up her young family. + +She considered it a duty to think of me before the others, not so much +from a feeling of preference as in consequence of my disease, which had +such an effect upon me that it was difficult to know what to do with me. +I was very weak, without any appetite, unable to apply myself to +anything, and I had all the appearance of an idiot. Physicians disagreed +as to the cause of the disease. He loses, they would say, two pounds of +blood every week; yet there cannot be more than sixteen or eighteen +pounds in his body. What, then, can cause so abundant a bleeding? One +asserted that in me all the chyle turned into blood; another was of +opinion that the air I was breathing must, at each inhalation, increase +the quantity of blood in my lungs, and contended that this was the reason +for which I always kept my mouth open. I heard of it all six years +afterward from M. Baffo, a great friend of my late father. + +This M. Baffo consulted the celebrated Doctor Macop, of Padua, who sent +him his opinion by writing. This consultation, which I have still in my +possession, says that our blood is an elastic fluid which is liable to +diminish or to increase in thickness, but never in quantity, and that my +haemorrhage could only proceed from the thickness of the mass of my +blood, which relieved itself in a natural way in order to facilitate +circulation. The doctor added that I would have died long before, had not +nature, in its wish for life, assisted itself, and he concluded by +stating that the cause of the thickness of my blood could only be +ascribed to the air I was breathing and that consequently I must have a +change of air, or every hope of cure be abandoned. He thought likewise, +that the stupidity so apparent on my countenance was caused by nothing +else but the thickness of my blood. + +M. Baffo, a man of sublime genius, a most lascivious, yet a great and +original poet, was therefore instrumental in bringing about the decision +which was then taken to send me to Padua, and to him I am indebted for my +life. He died twenty years after, the last of his ancient patrician +family, but his poems, although obscene, will give everlasting fame to +his name. The state-inquisitors of Venice have contributed to his +celebrity by their mistaken strictness. Their persecutions caused his +manuscript works to become precious. They ought to have been aware that +despised things are forgotten. + +As soon as the verdict given by Professor Macop had been approved of, the +Abbe Grimani undertook to find a good boarding-house in Padua for me, +through a chemist of his acquaintance who resided in that city. His name +was Ottaviani, and he was also an antiquarian of some repute. In a few +days the boarding-house was found, and on the 2nd day of April, 1734, on +the very day I had accomplished my ninth year, I was taken to Padua in a +'burchiello', along the Brenta Canal. We embarked at ten o'clock in the +evening, immediately after supper. + +The 'burchiello' may be considered a small floating house. There is a +large saloon with a smaller cabin at each end, and rooms for servants +fore and aft. It is a long square with a roof, and cut on each side by +glazed windows with shutters. The voyage takes eight hours. M. Grimani, +M. Baffo, and my mother accompanied me. I slept with her in the saloon, +and the two friends passed the night in one of the cabins. My mother rose +at day break, opened one of the windows facing the bed, and the rays of +the rising sun, falling on my eyes, caused me to open them. The bed was +too low for me to see the land; I could see through the window only the +tops of the trees along the river. The boat was sailing with such an even +movement that I could not realize the fact of our moving, so that the +trees, which, one after the other, were rapidly disappearing from my +sight, caused me an extreme surprise. "Ah, dear mother!" I exclaimed, +"what is this? the trees are walking!" At that very moment the two +noblemen came in, and reading astonishment on my countenance, they asked +me what my thoughts were so busy about. "How is it," I answered, "that +the trees are walking." + +They all laughed, but my mother, heaving a great sigh, told me, in a tone +of deep pity, "The boat is moving, the trees are not. Now dress +yourself." + +I understood at once the reason of the phenomenon. "Then it may be," said +I, "that the sun does not move, and that we, on the contrary, are +revolving from west to east." At these words my good mother fairly +screamed. M. Grimani pitied my foolishness, and I remained dismayed, +grieved, and ready to cry. M. Baffo brought me life again. He rushed to +me, embraced me tenderly, and said, "Thou are right, my child. The sun +does not move; take courage, give heed to your reasoning powers and let +others laugh." + +My mother, greatly surprised, asked him whether he had taken leave of his +senses to give me such lessons; but the philosopher, not even +condescending to answer her, went on sketching a theory in harmony with +my young and simple intelligence. This was the first real pleasure I +enjoyed in my life. Had it not been for M. Baffo, this circumstance might +have been enough to degrade my understanding; the weakness of credulity +would have become part of my mind. The ignorance of the two others would +certainly have blunted in me the edge of a faculty which, perhaps, has +not carried me very far in my after life, but to which alone I feel that +I am indebted for every particle of happiness I enjoy when I look into +myself. + +We reached Padua at an early hour and went to Ottaviani's house; his wife +loaded me with caresses. I found there five or six children, amongst them +a girl of eight years, named Marie, and another of seven, Rose, beautiful +as a seraph. Ten years later Marie became the wife of the broker Colonda, +and Rose, a few years afterwards, married a nobleman, Pierre Marcello, +and had one son and two daughters, one of whom was wedded to M. Pierre +Moncenigo, and the other to a nobleman of the Carrero family. This last +marriage was afterwards nullified. I shall have, in the course of events, +to speak of all these persons, and that is my reason for mentioning their +names here. + +Ottaviani took us at once to the house where I was to board. It was only +a few yards from his own residence, at Sainte-Marie d'Advance, in the +parish of Saint-Michel, in the house of an old Sclavonian woman, who let +the first floor to Signora Mida, wife of a Sclavonian colonel. My small +trunk was laid open before the old woman, to whom was handed an inventory +of all its contents, together with six sequins for six months paid in +advance. For this small sum she undertook to feed me, to keep me clean, +and to send me to a day-school. Protesting that it was not enough, she +accepted these terms. I was kissed and strongly commanded to be always +obedient and docile, and I was left with her. + +In this way did my family get rid of me. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +My Grandmother Comes to Padua, and Takes Me to Dr. Gozzi's School--My +First Love Affair + +As soon as I was left alone with the Sclavonian woman, she took me up to +the garret, where she pointed out my bed in a row with four others, three +of which belonged to three young boys of my age, who at that moment were +at school, and the fourth to a servant girl whose province it was to +watch us and to prevent the many peccadilloes in which school-boys are +wont to indulge. After this visit we came downstairs, and I was taken to +the garden with permission to walk about until dinner-time. + +I felt neither happy nor unhappy; I had nothing to say. I had neither +fear nor hope, nor even a feeling of curiosity; I was neither cheerful +nor sad. The only thing which grated upon me was the face of the mistress +of the house. Although I had not the faintest idea either of beauty or of +ugliness, her face, her countenance, her tone of voice, her language, +everything in that woman was repulsive to me. Her masculine features +repelled me every time I lifted my eyes towards her face to listen to +what she said to me. She was tall and coarse like a trooper; her +complexion was yellow, her hair black, her eyebrows long and thick, and +her chin gloried in a respectable bristly beard: to complete the picture, +her hideous, half-naked bosom was hanging half-way down her long chest; +she may have been about fifty. The servant was a stout country girl, who +did all the work of the house; the garden was a square of some thirty +feet, which had no other beauty than its green appearance. + +Towards noon my three companions came back from school, and they at once +spoke to me as if we had been old acquaintances, naturally giving me +credit for such intelligence as belonged to my age, but which I did not +possess. I did not answer them, but they were not baffled, and they at +last prevailed upon me to share their innocent pleasures. I had to run, +to carry and be carried, to turn head over heels, and I allowed myself to +be initiated into those arts with a pretty good grace until we were +summoned to dinner. I sat down to the table; but seeing before me a +wooden spoon, I pushed it back, asking for my silver spoon and fork to +which I was much attached, because they were a gift from my good old +granny. The servant answered that the mistress wished to maintain +equality between the boys, and I had to submit, much to my disgust. +Having thus learned that equality in everything was the rule of the +house, I went to work like the others and began to eat the soup out of +the common dish, and if I did not complain of the rapidity with which my +companions made it disappear, I could not help wondering at such +inequality being allowed. To follow this very poor soup, we had a small +portion of dried cod and one apple each, and dinner was over: it was in +Lent. We had neither glasses nor cups, and we all helped ourselves out of +the same earthen pitcher to a miserable drink called graspia, which is +made by boiling in water the stems of grapes stripped of their fruit. +From the following day I drank nothing but water. This way of living +surprised me, for I did not know whether I had a right to complain of it. +After dinner the servant took me to the school, kept by a young priest, +Doctor Gozzi, with whom the Sclavonian woman had bargained for my +schooling at the rate of forty sous a month, or the eleventh part of a +sequin. + +The first thing to do was to teach me writing, and I was placed amongst +children of five and six years, who did not fail to turn me into ridicule +on account of my age. + +On my return to the boarding-house I had my supper, which, as a matter of +course, was worse than the dinner, and I could not make out why the right +of complaint should be denied me. I was then put to bed, but there three +well-known species of vermin kept me awake all night, besides the rats, +which, running all over the garret, jumped on my bed and fairly made my +blood run cold with fright. This is the way in which I began to feel +misery, and to learn how to suffer it patiently. The vermin, which +feasted upon me, lessened my fear of the rats, and by a very lucky system +of compensation, the dread of the rats made me less sensitive to the +bites of the vermin. My mind was reaping benefit from the very struggle +fought between the evils which surrounded me. The servant was perfectly +deaf to my screaming. + +As soon as it was daylight I ran out of the wretched garret, and, after +complaining to the girl of all I had endured during the night, I asked +her to give me a Clean shirt, the one I had on being disgusting to look +at, but she answered that I could only change my linen on a Sunday, and +laughed at me when I threatened to complain to the mistress. For the +first time in my life I shed tears of sorrow and of anger, when I heard +my companions scoffing at me. The poor wretches shared my unhappy +condition, but they were used to it, and that makes all the difference. + +Sorely depressed, I went to school, but only to sleep soundly through the +morning. One of my comrades, in the hope of turning the affair into +ridicule at my expense, told the doctor the reason of my being so sleepy. +The good priest, however, to whom without doubt Providence had guided me, +called me into his private room, listened to all I had to say, saw with +his own eyes the proofs of my misery, and moved by the sight of the +blisters which disfigured my innocent skin, he took up his cloak, went +with me to my boarding-house, and shewed the woman the state I was in. +She put on a look of great astonishment, and threw all the blame upon the +servant. The doctor being curious to see my bed, I was, as much as he +was, surprised at the filthy state of the sheets in which I had passed +the night. The accursed woman went on blaming the servant, and said that +she would discharge her; but the girl, happening to be close by, and not +relishing the accusation, told her boldly that the fault was her own, and +she then threw open the beds of my companions to shew us that they did +not experience any better treatment. The mistress, raving, slapped her on +the face, and the servant, to be even with her, returned the compliment +and ran away. The doctor left me there, saying that I could not enter his +school unless I was sent to him as clean as the other boys. The result +for me was a very sharp rebuke, with the threat, as a finishing stroke, +that if I ever caused such a broil again, I would be ignominiously turned +out of the house. + +I could not make it out; I had just entered life, and I had no knowledge +of any other place but the house in which I had been born, in which I had +been brought up, and in which I had always seen cleanliness and honest +comfort. Here I found myself ill-treated, scolded, although it did not +seem possible that any blame could be attached to me. At last the old +shrew tossed a shirt in my face, and an hour later I saw a new servant +changing the sheets, after which we had our dinner. + +My schoolmaster took particular care in instructing me. He gave me a seat +at his own desk, and in order to shew my proper appreciation of such a +favour, I gave myself up to my studies; at the end of the first month I +could write so well that I was promoted to the grammar class. + +The new life I was leading, the half-starvation system to which I was +condemned, and most likely more than everything else, the air of Padua, +brought me health such as I had never enjoyed before, but that very state +of blooming health made it still more difficult for me to bear the hunger +which I was compelled to endure; it became unbearable. I was growing +rapidly; I enjoyed nine hours of deep sleep, unbroken by any dreams, save +that I always fancied myself sitting at a well-spread table, and +gratifying my cruel appetite, but every morning I could realize in full +the vanity and the unpleasant disappointment of flattering dreams! This +ravenous appetite would at last have weakened me to death, had I not made +up my mind to pounce upon, and to swallow, every kind of eatables I could +find, whenever I was certain of not being seen. + +Necessity begets ingenuity. I had spied in a cupboard of the kitchen some +fifty red herrings; I devoured them all one after the other, as well as +all the sausages which were hanging in the chimney to be smoked; and in +order to accomplish those feats without being detected, I was in the +habit of getting up at night and of undertaking my foraging expeditions +under the friendly veil of darkness. Every new-laid egg I could discover +in the poultry-yard, quite warm and scarcely dropped by the hen, was a +most delicious treat. I would even go as far as the kitchen of the +schoolmaster in the hope of pilfering something to eat. + +The Sclavonian woman, in despair at being unable to catch the thieves, +turned away servant after servant. But, in spite of all my expeditions, +as I could not always find something to steal, I was as thin as a walking +skeleton. + +My progress at school was so rapid during four or five months that the +master promoted me to the rank of dux. My province was to examine the +lessons of my thirty school-fellows, to correct their mistakes and report +to the master with whatever note of blame or of approval I thought they +deserved; but my strictness did not last long, for idle boys soon found +out the way to enlist my sympathy. When their Latin lesson was full of +mistakes, they would buy me off with cutlets and roast chickens; they +even gave me money. These proceedings excited my covetousness, or, +rather, my gluttony, and, not satisfied with levying a tax upon the +ignorant, I became a tyrant, and I refused well-merited approbation to +all those who declined paying the contribution I demanded. At last, +unable to bear my injustice any longer, the boys accused me, and the +master, seeing me convicted of extortion, removed me from my exalted +position. I would very likely have fared badly after my dismissal, had +not Fate decided to put an end to my cruel apprenticeship. + +Doctor Gozzi, who was attached to me, called me privately one day into +his study, and asked me whether I would feel disposed to carry out the +advice he would give me in order to bring about my removal from the house +of the Sclavonian woman, and my admission in his own family. Finding me +delighted at such an offer, he caused me to copy three letters which I +sent, one to the Abbe Grimani, another to my friend Baffo, and the last +to my excellent grandam. The half-year was nearly out, and my mother not +being in Venice at that period there was no time to lose. + +In my letters I gave a description of all my sufferings, and I +prognosticated my death were I not immediately removed from my +boarding-house and placed under the care of my school-master, who was +disposed to receive me; but he wanted two sequins a month. + +M. Grimani did not answer me, and commissioned his friend Ottaviani to +scold me for allowing myself to be ensnared by the doctor; but M. Baffo +went to consult with my grandmother, who could not write, and in a letter +which he addressed to me he informed me that I would soon find myself in +a happier situation. And, truly, within a week the excellent old woman, +who loved me until her death, made her appearance as I was sitting down +to my dinner. She came in with the mistress of the house, and the moment +I saw her I threw my arms around her neck, crying bitterly, in which +luxury the old lady soon joined me. She sat down and took me on her +knees; my courage rose again. In the presence of the Sclavonian woman I +enumerated all my grievances, and after calling her attention to the +food, fit only for beggars, which I was compelled to swallow, I took her +upstairs to shew her my bed. I begged her to take me out and give me a +good dinner after six months of such starvation. The boarding-house +keeper boldly asserted that she could not afford better for the amount +she had received, and there was truth in that, but she had no business to +keep house and to become the tormentor of poor children who were thrown +on her hands by stinginess, and who required to be properly fed. + +My grandmother very quietly intimated her intention to take me away +forthwith, and asked her to put all my things in my trunk. I cannot +express my joy during these preparations. For the first time I felt that +kind of happiness which makes forgiveness compulsory upon the being who +enjoys it, and causes him to forget all previous unpleasantness. My +grandmother took me to the inn, and dinner was served, but she could +hardly eat anything in her astonishment at the voracity with which I was +swallowing my food. In the meantime Doctor Gozzi, to whom she had sent +notice of her arrival, came in, and his appearance soon prepossessed her +in his favour. He was then a fine-looking priest, twenty-six years of +age, chubby, modest, and respectful. In less than a quarter of an hour +everything was satisfactorily arranged between them. The good old lady +counted out twenty-four sequins for one year of my schooling, and took a +receipt for the same, but she kept me with her for three days in order to +have me clothed like a priest, and to get me a wig, as the filthy state +of my hair made it necessary to have it all cut off. + +At the end of the three days she took me to the doctor's house, so as to +see herself to my installation and to recommend me to the doctor's +mother, who desired her to send or to buy in Padua a bedstead and +bedding; but the doctor having remarked that, his own bed being very +wide, I might sleep with him, my grandmother expressed her gratitude for +all his kindness, and we accompanied her as far as the burchiello she had +engaged to return to Venice. + +The family of Doctor Gozzi was composed of his mother, who had great +reverence for him, because, a peasant by birth, she did not think herself +worthy of having a son who was a priest, and still more a doctor in +divinity; she was plain, old, and cross; and of his father, a shoemaker +by trade, working all day long and never addressing a word to anyone, not +even during the meals. He only became a sociable being on holidays, on +which occasions he would spend his time with his friends in some tavern, +coming home at midnight as drunk as a lord and singing verses from Tasso. +When in this blissful state the good man could not make up his mind to go +to bed, and became violent if anyone attempted to compel him to lie down. +Wine alone gave him sense and spirit, for when sober he was incapable of +attending to the simplest family matter, and his wife often said that he +never would have married her had not his friends taken care to give him a +good breakfast before he went to the church. + +But Doctor Gozzi had also a sister, called Bettina, who at the age of +thirteen was pretty, lively, and a great reader of romances. Her father +and mother scolded her constantly because she was too often looking out +of the window, and the doctor did the same on account of her love for +reading. This girl took at once my fancy without my knowing why, and +little by little she kindled in my heart the first spark of a passion +which, afterwards became in me the ruling one. + +Six months after I had been an inmate in the house, the doctor found +himself without scholars; they all went away because I had become the +sole object of his affection. He then determined to establish a college, +and to receive young boys as boarders; but two years passed before he met +with any success. During that period he taught me everything he knew; +true, it was not much; yet it was enough to open to me the high road to +all sciences. He likewise taught me the violin, an accomplishment which +proved very useful to me in a peculiar circumstance, the particulars of +which I will give in good time. The excellent doctor, who was in no way a +philosopher, made me study the logic of the Peripatetics, and the +cosmography of the ancient system of Ptolemy, at which I would laugh, +teasing the poor doctor with theorems to which he could find no answer. +His habits, moreover, were irreproachable, and in all things connected +with religion, although no bigot, he was of the greatest strictness, and, +admitting everything as an article of faith, nothing appeared difficult +to his conception. He believed the deluge to have been universal, and he +thought that, before that great cataclysm, men lived a thousand years and +conversed with God, that Noah took one hundred years to build the ark, +and that the earth, suspended in the air, is firmly held in the very +centre of the universe which God had created from nothing. When I would +say and prove that it was absurd to believe in the existence of +nothingness, he would stop me short and call me a fool. + +He could enjoy a good bed, a glass of wine, and cheerfulness at home. He +did not admire fine wits, good jests or criticism, because it easily +turns to slander, and he would laugh at the folly of men reading +newspapers which, in his opinion, always lied and constantly repeated the +same things. He asserted that nothing was more troublesome than +incertitude, and therefore he condemned thought because it gives birth to +doubt. + +His ruling passion was preaching, for which his face and his voice +qualified him; his congregation was almost entirely composed of women of +whom, however, he was the sworn enemy; so much so, that he would not look +them in the face even when he spoke to them. Weakness of the flesh and +fornication appeared to him the most monstrous of sins, and he would be +very angry if I dared to assert that, in my estimation, they were the +most venial of faults. His sermons were crammed with passages from the +Greek authors, which he translated into Latin. One day I ventured to +remark that those passages ought to be translated into Italian because +women did not understand Latin any more than Greek, but he took offence, +and I never had afterwards the courage to allude any more to the matter. +Moreover he praised me to his friends as a wonder, because I had learned +to read Greek alone, without any assistance but a grammar. + +During Lent, in the year 1736, my mother, wrote to the doctor; and, as +she was on the point of her departure for St. Petersburg, she wished to +see me, and requested him to accompany me to Venice for three or four +days. This invitation set him thinking, for he had never seen Venice, +never frequented good company, and yet he did not wish to appear a novice +in anything. We were soon ready to leave Padua, and all the family +escorted us to the 'burchiello'. + +My mother received the doctor with a most friendly welcome; but she was +strikingly beautiful, and my poor master felt very uncomfortable, not +daring to look her in the face, and yet called upon to converse with her. +She saw the dilemma he was in, and thought she would have some amusing +sport about it should opportunity present itself. I, in the meantime, +drew the attention of everyone in her circle; everybody had known me as a +fool, and was amazed at my improvement in the short space of two years. +The doctor was overjoyed, because he saw that the full credit of my +transformation was given to him. + +The first thing which struck my mother unpleasantly was my light-coloured +wig, which was not in harmony with my dark complexion, and contrasted +most woefully with my black eyes and eyebrows. She inquired from the +doctor why I did not wear my own hair, and he answered that, with a wig, +it was easier for his sister to keep me clean. Everyone smiled at the +simplicity of the answer, but the merriment increased when, to the +question made by my mother whether his sister was married, I took the +answer upon myself, and said that Bettina was the prettiest girl of +Padua, and was only fourteen years of age. My mother promised the doctor +a splendid present for his sister on condition that she would let me wear +my own hair, and he promised that her wishes would be complied with. The +peruke-maker was then called, and I had a wig which matched my +complexion. + +Soon afterwards all the guests began to play cards, with the exception of +my master, and I went to see my brothers in my grandmother's room. +Francois shewed me some architectural designs which I pretended to +admire; Jean had nothing to skew me, and I thought him a rather +insignificant boy. The others were still very young. + +At the supper-table, the doctor, seated next to my mother, was very +awkward. He would very likely not have said one word, had not an +Englishman, a writer of talent, addressed him in Latin; but the doctor, +being unable to make him out, modestly answered that he did not +understand English, which caused much hilarity. M. Baffo, however, +explained the puzzle by telling us that Englishmen read and pronounced +Latin in the same way that they read and spoke their own language, and I +remarked that Englishmen were wrong as much as we would be, if we +pretended to read and to pronounce their language according to Latin +rules. The Englishman, pleased with my reasoning, wrote down the +following old couplet, and gave it to me to read: + + 'Dicite, grammatici, cur mascula nomina cunnus, + Et cur femineum mentula nomen habet.' + +After reading it aloud, I exclaimed, "This is Latin indeed." + +"We know that," said my mother, "but can you explain it?" + +"To explain it is not enough," I answered; "it is a question which is +worthy of an answer." And after considering for a moment, I wrote the +following pentameter: + + 'Disce quod a domino nomina servus habet.' + +This was my first literary exploit, and I may say that in that very +instant the seed of my love for literary fame was sown in my breast, for +the applause lavished upon me exalted me to the very pinnacle of +happiness. The Englishman, quite amazed at my answer, said that no boy of +eleven years had ever accomplished such a feat, embraced me repeatedly, +and presented me with his watch. My mother, inquisitive like a woman, +asked M. Grimani to tell her the meaning of the lines, but as the abbe +was not any wiser than she was M. Baffo translated it in a whisper. +Surprised at my knowledge, she rose from her chair to get a valuable gold +watch and presented to my master, who, not knowing how to express his +deep gratitude, treated us to the most comic scene. My mother, in order +to save him from the difficulty of paying her a compliment, offered him +her cheek. He had only to give her a couple of kisses, the easiest and +the most innocent thing in good company; but the poor man was on burning +coals, and so completely out of countenance that he would, I truly +believe, rather have died than give the kisses. He drew back with his +head down, and he was allowed to remain in peace until we retired for the +night. + +When we found ourselves alone in our room, he poured out his heart, and +exclaimed that it was a pity he could not publish in Padua the distich +and my answer. + +"And why not?" I said. + +"Because both are obscene." + +"But they are sublime." + +"Let us go to bed and speak no more on the subject. Your answer was +wonderful, because you cannot possibly know anything of the subject in +question, or of the manner in which verses ought to be written." + +As far as the subject was concerned, I knew it by theory; for, unknown to +the doctor, and because he had forbidden it, I had read Meursius, but it +was natural that he should be amazed at my being able to write verses, +when he, who had taught me prosody, never could compose a single line. +'Nemo dat quod non habet' is a false axiom when applied to mental +acquirements. + +Four days afterwards, as we were preparing for our departure, my mother +gave me a parcel for Bettina, and M. Grimani presented me with four +sequins to buy books. A week later my mother left for St. Petersburg. + +After our return to Padua, my good master for three or four months never +ceased to speak of my mother, and Bettina, having found in the parcel +five yards of black silk and twelve pairs of gloves, became singularly +attached to me, and took such good care of my hair that in less than six +months I was able to give up wearing the wig. She used to comb my hair +every morning, often before I was out of bed, saying that she had not +time to wait until I was dressed. She washed my face, my neck, my chest; +lavished on me childish caresses which I thought innocent, but which +caused me to, be angry with myself, because I felt that they excited me. +Three years younger than she was, it seemed to me that she could not love +me with any idea of mischief, and the consciousness of my own vicious +excitement put me out of temper with myself. When, seated on my bed, she +would say that I was getting stouter, and would have the proof of it with +her own hands, she caused me the most intense emotion; but I said +nothing, for fear she would remark my sensitiveness, and when she would +go on saying that my skin was soft, the tickling sensation made me draw +back, angry with myself that I did not dare to do the same to her, but +delighted at her not guessing how I longed to do it. When I was dressed, +she often gave me the sweetest kisses, calling me her darling child, but +whatever wish I had to follow her example, I was not yet bold enough. +After some time, however, Bettina laughing at my timidity, I became more +daring and returned her kisses with interest, but I always gave way the +moment I felt a wish to go further; I then would turn my head, pretending +to look for something, and she would go away. She was scarcely out of the +room before I was in despair at not having followed the inclination of my +nature, and, astonished at the fact that Bettina could do to me all she +was in the habit of doing without feeling any excitement from it, while I +could hardly refrain from pushing my attacks further, I would every day +determine to change my way of acting. + +In the early part of autumn, the doctor received three new boarders; and +one of them, who was fifteen years old, appeared to me in less than a +month on very friendly terms with Bettina. + +This circumstance caused me a feeling of which until then I had no idea, +and which I only analyzed a few years afterwards. It was neither jealousy +nor indignation, but a noble contempt which I thought ought not to be +repressed, because Cordiani, an ignorant, coarse boy, without talent or +polite education, the son of a simple farmer, and incapable of competing +with me in anything, having over me but the advantage of dawning manhood, +did not appear to me a fit person to be preferred to me; my young +self-esteem whispered that I was above him. I began to nurse a feeling of +pride mixed with contempt which told against Bettina, whom I loved +unknown to myself. She soon guessed it from the way I would receive her +caresses, when she came to comb my hair while I was in bed; I would +repulse her hands, and no longer return her kisses. One day, vexed at my +answering her question as to the reason of my change towards her by +stating that I had no cause for it, she, told me in a tone of +commiseration that I was jealous of Cordiani. This reproach sounded to me +like a debasing slander. I answered that Cordiani was, in my estimation, +as worthy of her as she was worthy of him. She went away smiling, but, +revolving in her mind the only way by which she could be revenged, she +thought herself bound to render me jealous. However, as she could not +attain such an end without making me fall in love with her, this is the +policy she adopted. + +One morning she came to me as I was in bed and brought me a pair of white +stockings of her own knitting. After dressing my hair, she asked my +permission to try the stockings on herself, in order to correct any +deficiency in the other pairs she intended to knit for me. The doctor had +gone out to say his mass. As she was putting on the stocking, she +remarked that my legs were not clean, and without any more ado she +immediately began to wash them. I would have been ashamed to let her see +my bashfulness; I let her do as she liked, not foreseeing what would +happen. Bettina, seated on my bed, carried too far her love for +cleanliness, and her curiosity caused me such intense voluptuousness that +the feeling did not stop until it could be carried no further. Having +recovered my calm, I bethought myself that I was guilty and begged her +forgiveness. She did not expect this, and, after considering for a few +moments, she told me kindly that the fault was entirely her own, but that +she never would again be guilty of it. And she went out of the room, +leaving me to my own thoughts. + +They were of a cruel character. It seemed to me that I had brought +dishonour upon Bettina, that I had betrayed the confidence of her family, +offended against the sacred laws of hospitality, that I was guilty of a +most wicked crime, which I could only atone for by marrying her, in case +Bettina could make up her mind to accept for her husband a wretch +unworthy of her. + +These thoughts led to a deep melancholy which went on increasing from day +to day, Bettina having entirely ceased her morning visits by my bedside. +During the first week, I could easily account for the girl's reserve, and +my sadness would soon have taken the character of the warmest love, had +not her manner towards Cordiani inoculated in my veins the poison of +jealousy, although I never dreamed of accusing her of the same crime +towards him that she had committed upon me. + +I felt convinced, after due consideration, that the act she had been +guilty of with me had been deliberately done, and that her feelings of +repentance kept her away from me. This conviction was rather flattering +to my vanity, as it gave me the hope of being loved, and the end of all +my communings was that I made up my mind to write to her, and thus to +give her courage. + +I composed a letter, short but calculated to restore peace to her mind, +whether she thought herself guilty, or suspected me of feelings contrary +to those which her dignity might expect from me. My letter was, in my own +estimation, a perfect masterpiece, and just the kind of epistle by which +I was certain to conquer her very adoration, and to sink for ever the sun +of Cordiani, whom I could not accept as the sort of being likely to make +her hesitate for one instant in her choice between him and me. +Half-an-hour after the receipt of my letter, she told me herself that the +next morning she would pay me her usual visit, but I waited in vain. This +conduct provoked me almost to madness, but my surprise was indeed great +when, at the breakfast table, she asked me whether I would let her dress +me up as a girl to accompany her five or six days later to a ball for +which a neighbour of ours, Doctor Olivo, had sent letters of invitation. +Everybody having seconded the motion, I gave my consent. I thought this +arrangement would afford a favourable opportunity for an explanation, for +mutual vindication, and would open a door for the most complete +reconciliation, without fear of any surprise arising from the proverbial +weakness of the flesh. But a most unexpected circumstance prevented our +attending the ball, and brought forth a comedy with a truly tragic turn. + +Doctor Gozzi's godfather, a man advanced in age, and in easy +circumstances, residing in the country, thought himself, after a severe +illness, very near his end, and sent to the doctor a carriage with a +request to come to him at once with his father, as he wished them to be +present at his death, and to pray for his departing soul. The old +shoemaker drained a bottle, donned his Sunday clothes, and went off with +his son. + +I thought this a favourable opportunity and determined to improve it, +considering that the night of the ball was too remote to suit my +impatience. I therefore managed to tell Bettina that I would leave ajar +the door of my room, and that I would wait for her as soon as everyone in +the house had gone to bed. She promised to come. She slept on the ground +floor in a small closet divided only by a partition from her father's +chamber; the doctor being away, I was alone in the large room. The three +boarders had their apartment in a different part of the house, and I had +therefore no mishap to fear. I was delighted at the idea that I had at +last reached the moment so ardently desired. + +The instant I was in my room I bolted my door and opened the one leading +to the passage, so that Bettina should have only to push it in order to +come in; I then put my light out, but did not undress. When we read of +such situations in a romance we think they are exaggerated; they are not +so, and the passage in which Ariosto represents Roger waiting for Alcine +is a beautiful picture painted from nature. + +Until midnight I waited without feeling much anxiety; but I heard the +clock strike two, three, four o'clock in the morning without seeing +Bettina; my blood began to boil, and I was soon in a state of furious +rage. It was snowing hard, but I shook from passion more than from cold. +One hour before day-break, unable to master any longer my impatience, I +made up my mind to go downstairs with bare feet, so as not to wake the +dog, and to place myself at the bottom of the stairs within a yard of +Bettina's door, which ought to have been opened if she had gone out of +her room. I reached the door; it was closed, and as it could be locked +only from inside I imagined that Bettina had fallen asleep. I was on the +point of knocking at the door, but was prevented by fear of rousing the +dog, as from that door to that of her closet there was a distance of +three or four yards. Overwhelmed with grief, and unable to take a +decision, I sat down on the last step of the stairs; but at day-break, +chilled, benumbed, shivering with cold, afraid that the servant would see +me and would think I was mad, I determined to go back to my room. I +arise, but at that very moment I hear some noise in Bettina's room. +Certain that I am going to see her, and hope lending me new strength, I +draw nearer to the door. It opens; but instead of Bettina coming out I +see Cordiani, who gives me such a furious kick in the stomach that I am +thrown at a distance deep in the snow. Without stopping a single instant +Cordiani is off, and locks himself up in the room which he shared with +the brothers Feltrini. + +I pick myself up quickly with the intention of taking my revenge upon +Bettina, whom nothing could have saved from the effects of my rage at +that moment. But I find her door locked; I kick vigorously against it, +the dog starts a loud barking, and I make a hurried retreat to my room, +in which I lock myself up, throwing myself in bed to compose and heal up +my mind and body, for I was half dead. + +Deceived, humbled, ill-treated, an object of contempt to the happy and +triumphant Cordiani, I spent three hours ruminating the darkest schemes +of revenge. To poison them both seemed to me but a trifle in that +terrible moment of bitter misery. This project gave way to another as +extravagant, as cowardly-namely, to go at once to her brother and +disclose everything to him. I was twelve years of age, and my mind had +not yet acquired sufficient coolness to mature schemes of heroic revenge, +which are produced by false feelings of honour; this was only my +apprenticeship in such adventures. + +I was in that state of mind when suddenly I heard outside of my door the +gruff voice of Bettina's mother, who begged me to come down, adding that +her daughter was dying. As I would have been very sorry if she had +departed this life before she could feel the effects of my revenge, I got +up hurriedly and went downstairs. I found Bettina lying in her father's +bed writhing with fearful convulsions, and surrounded by the whole +family. Half dressed, nearly bent in two, she was throwing her body now +to the right, now to the left, striking at random with her feet and with +her fists, and extricating herself by violent shaking from the hands of +those who endeavoured to keep her down. + +With this sight before me, and the night's adventure still in my mind, I +hardly knew what to think. I had no knowledge of human nature, no +knowledge of artifice and tricks, and I could not understand how I found +myself coolly witnessing such a scene, and composedly calm in the +presence of two beings, one of whom I intended to kill and the other to +dishonour. At the end of an hour Bettina fell asleep. + +A nurse and Doctor Olivo came soon after. The first said that the +convulsions were caused by hysterics, but the doctor said no, and +prescribed rest and cold baths. I said nothing, but I could not refrain +from laughing at them, for I knew, or rather guessed, that Bettina's +sickness was the result of her nocturnal employment, or of the fright +which she must have felt at my meeting with Cordiani. At all events, I +determined to postpone my revenge until the return of her brother, +although I had not the slightest suspicion that her illness was all sham, +for I did not give her credit for so much cleverness. + +To return to my room I had to pass through Bettina's closet, and seeing +her dress handy on the bed I took it into my head to search her pockets. +I found a small note, and recognizing Cordiani's handwriting, I took +possession of it to read it in my room. I marvelled at the girl's +imprudence, for her mother might have discovered it, and being unable to +read would very likely have given it to the doctor, her son. I thought +she must have taken leave of her senses, but my feelings may be +appreciated when I read the following words: "As your father is away it +is not necessary to leave your door ajar as usual. When we leave the +supper-table I will go to your closet; you will find me there." + +When I recovered from my stupor I gave way to an irresistible fit of +laughter, and seeing how completely I had been duped I thought I was +cured of my love. Cordiani appeared to me deserving of forgiveness, and +Bettina of contempt. I congratulated myself upon having received a lesson +of such importance for the remainder of my life. I even went so far as to +acknowledge to myself that Bettina had been quite right in giving the +preference to Cordiani, who was fifteen years old, while I was only a +child. Yet, in spite of my good disposition to forgiveness, the kick +administered by Cordiani was still heavy upon my memory, and I could not +help keeping a grudge against him. + +At noon, as we were at dinner in the kitchen, where we took our meals on +account of the cold weather, Bettina began again to raise piercing +screams. Everybody rushed to her room, but I quietly kept my seat and +finished my dinner, after which I went to my studies. In the evening when +I came down to supper I found that Bettina's bed had been brought to the +kitchen close by her mother's; but it was no concern of mine, and I +remained likewise perfectly indifferent to the noise made during the +night, and to the confusion which took place in the morning, when she had +a fresh fit of convulsions. + +Doctor Gozzi and his father returned in the evening. Cordiani, who felt +uneasy, came to inquire from me what my intentions were, but I rushed +towards him with an open penknife in my hand, and he beat a hasty +retreat. I had entirely abandoned the idea of relating the night's +scandalous adventure to the doctor, for such a project I could only +entertain in a moment of excitement and rage. The next day the mother +came in while we were at our lesson, and told the doctor, after a +lengthened preamble, that she had discovered the character of her +daughter's illness; that it was caused by a spell thrown over her by a +witch, and that she knew the witch well. + +"It may be, my dear mother, but we must be careful not to make a mistake. +Who is the witch?" + +"Our old servant, and I have just had a proof of it." + +"How so?" + +"I have barred the door of my room with two broomsticks placed in the +shape of a cross, which she must have undone to go in; but when she saw +them she drew back, and she went round by the other door. It is evident +that, were she not a witch, she would not be afraid of touching them." + +"It is not complete evidence, dear mother; send the woman to me." + +The servant made her appearance. + +"Why," said the doctor, "did you not enter my mother's room this morning +through the usual door?" + +"I do not know what you mean." + +"Did you not see the St. Andrew's cross on the door?" + +"What cross is that?" + +"It is useless to plead ignorance," said the mother; "where did you sleep +last Thursday night?" + +"At my niece's, who had just been confined." + +"Nothing of the sort. You were at the witches' Sabbath; you are a witch, +and have bewitched my daughter." + +The poor woman, indignant at such an accusation, spits at her mistress's +face; the mistress, enraged, gets hold of a stick to give the servant a +drubbing; the doctor endeavours to keep his mother back, but he is +compelled to let her loose and to run after the servant, who was hurrying +down the stairs, screaming and howling in order to rouse the neighbours; +he catches her, and finally succeeds in pacifying her with some money. + +After this comical but rather scandalous exhibition, the doctor donned +his vestments for the purpose of exorcising his sister and of +ascertaining whether she was truly possessed of an unclean spirit. The +novelty of this mystery attracted the whole of my attention. All the +inmates of the house appeared to me either mad or stupid, for I could +not, for the life of me, imagine that diabolical spirits were dwelling in +Bettina's body. When we drew near her bed, her breathing had, to all +appearance, stopped, and the exorcisms of her brother did not restore it. +Doctor Olivo happened to come in at that moment, and inquired whether he +would be in the way; he was answered in the negative, provided he had +faith. + +Upon which he left, saying that he had no faith in any miracles except in +those of the Gospel. + +Soon after Doctor Gozzi went to his room, and finding myself alone with +Bettina I bent down over her bed and whispered in her ear. + +"Take courage, get well again, and rely upon my discretion." + +She turned her head towards the wall and did not answer me, but the day +passed off without any more convulsions. I thought I had cured her, but +on the following day the frenzy went up to the brain, and in her delirium +she pronounced at random Greek and Latin words without any meaning, and +then no doubt whatever was entertained of her being possessed of the evil +spirit. Her mother went out and returned soon, accompanied by the most +renowned exorcist of Padua, a very ill-featured Capuchin, called Friar +Prospero da Bovolenta. + +The moment Bettina saw the exorcist, she burst into loud laughter, and +addressed to him the most offensive insults, which fairly delighted +everybody, as the devil alone could be bold enough to address a Capuchin +in such a manner; but the holy man, hearing himself called an obtrusive +ignoramus and a stinkard, went on striking Bettina with a heavy crucifix, +saying that he was beating the devil. He stopped only when he saw her on +the point of hurling at him the chamber utensil which she had just +seized. "If it is the devil who has offended thee with his words," she +said, "resent the insult with words likewise, jackass that thou art, but +if I have offended thee myself, learn, stupid booby, that thou must +respect me, and be off at once." + +I could see poor Doctor Gozzi blushing; the friar, however, held his +ground, and, armed at all points, began to read a terrible exorcism, at +the end of which he commanded the devil to state his name. + +"My name is Bettina." + +"It cannot be, for it is the name of a baptized girl." + +"Then thou art of opinion that a devil must rejoice in a masculine name? +Learn, ignorant friar, that a devil is a spirit, and does not belong to +either sex. But as thou believest that a devil is speaking to thee +through my lips, promise to answer me with truth, and I will engage to +give way before thy incantations." + +"Very well, I agree to this." + +"Tell me, then, art thou thinking that thy knowledge is greater than +mine?" + +"No, but I believe myself more powerful in the name of the holy Trinity, +and by my sacred character." + +"If thou art more powerful than I, then prevent me from telling thee +unpalatable truths. Thou art very vain of thy beard, thou art combing and +dressing it ten times a day, and thou would'st not shave half of it to +get me out of this body. Cut off thy beard, and I promise to come out." + +"Father of lies, I will increase thy punishment a hundred fold." + +"I dare thee to do it." + +After saying these words, Bettina broke into such a loud peal of +laughter, that I could not refrain from joining in it. The Capuchin, +turning towards Doctor Gozzi, told him that I was wanting in faith, and +that I ought to leave the room; which I did, remarking that he had +guessed rightly. I was not yet out of the room when the friar offered his +hand to Bettina for her to kiss, and I had the pleasure of seeing her +spit upon it. + +This strange girl, full of extraordinary talent, made rare sport of the +friar, without causing any surprise to anyone, as all her answers were +attributed to the devil. I could not conceive what her purpose was in +playing such a part. + +The Capuchin dined with us, and during the meal he uttered a good deal of +nonsense. After dinner, he returned to Bettina's chamber, with the +intention of blessing her, but as soon as she caught sight of him, she +took up a glass full of some black mixture sent from the apothecary, and +threw it at his head. Cordiani, being close by the friar, came in for a +good share of the liquid-an accident which afforded me the greatest +delight. Bettina was quite right to improve her opportunity, as +everything she did was, of course, put to the account of the unfortunate +devil. Not overmuch pleased, Friar Prospero, as he left the house, told +the doctor that there was no doubt of the girl being possessed, but that +another exorcist must be sent for, since he had not, himself, obtained +God's grace to eject the evil spirit. + +After he had gone, Bettina kept very calm for six hours, and in the +evening, to our great surprise, she joined us at the supper table. She +told her parents that she felt quite well, spoke to her brother, and +then, addressing me, she remarked that, the ball taking place on the +morrow, she would come to my room in the morning to dress my hair like a +girl's. I thanked her, and said that, as she had been so ill, she ought +to nurse herself. She soon retired to bed, and we remained at the table, +talking of her. + +When I was undressing for the night, I took up my night-cap, and found in +it a small note with these words: "You must accompany me to the ball, +disguised as a girl, or I will give you a sight which will cause you to +weep." + +I waited until the doctor was asleep, and I wrote the following answer: +"I cannot go to the ball, because I have fully made up my mind to avoid +every opportunity of being alone with you. As for the painful sight with +which you threaten to entertain me, I believe you capable of keeping your +word, but I entreat you to spare my heart, for I love you as if you were +my sister. I have forgiven you, dear Bettina, and I wish to forget +everything. I enclose a note which you must be delighted to have again in +your possession. You see what risk you were running when you left it in +your pocket. This restitution must convince you of my friendship." + + + + +CHAPTER III + +Bettina Is Supposed to Go Mad--Father Mancia--The Small-pox--I Leave +Padua + +Bettina must have been in despair, not knowing into whose hands her +letter had fallen; to return it to her and thus to allay her anxiety, was +therefore a great proof of friendship; but my generosity, at the same +time that it freed her from a keen sorrow, must have caused her another +quite as dreadful, for she knew that I was master of her secret. +Cordiani's letter was perfectly explicit; it gave the strongest evidence +that she was in the habit of receiving him every night, and therefore the +story she had prepared to deceive me was useless. I felt it was so, and, +being disposed to calm her anxiety as far as I could, I went to her +bedside in the morning, and I placed in her hands Cordiani's note and my +answer to her letter. + +The girl's spirit and talent had won my esteem; I could no longer despise +her; I saw in her only a poor creature seduced by her natural +temperament. She loved man, and was to be pitied only on account of the +consequences. Believing that the view I took of the situation was a right +one, I had resigned myself like a reasonable being, and not like a +disappointed lover. The shame was for her and not for me. I had only one +wish, namely, to find out whether the two brothers Feltrini, Cordiani's +companions, had likewise shared Bettina's favours. + +Bettina put on throughout the day a cheerful and happy look. In the +evening she dressed herself for the ball; but suddenly an attack of +sickness, whether feigned or real I did not know, compelled her to go to +bed, and frightened everybody in the house. As for myself, knowing the +whole affair, I was prepared for new scenes, and indeed for sad ones, for +I felt that I had obtained over her a power repugnant to her vanity and +self-love. I must, however, confess that, in spite of the excellent +school in which I found myself before I had attained manhood, and which +ought to have given me experience as a shield for the future, I have +through the whole of my life been the dupe of women. Twelve years ago, if +it had not been for my guardian angel, I would have foolishly married a +young, thoughtless girl, with whom I had fallen in love: Now that I am +seventy-two years old I believe myself no longer susceptible of such +follies; but, alas! that is the very thing which causes me to be +miserable. + +The next day the whole family was deeply grieved because the devil of +whom Bettina was possessed had made himself master of her reason. Doctor +Gozzi told me that there could not be the shadow of a doubt that his +unfortunate sister was possessed, as, if she had only been mad, she never +would have so cruelly ill-treated the Capuchin, Prospero, and he +determined to place her under the care of Father Mancia. + +This Mancia was a celebrated Jacobin (or Dominican) exorcist, who enjoyed +the reputation of never having failed to cure a girl possessed of the +demon. + +Sunday had come; Bettina had made a good dinner, but she had been frantic +all through the day. Towards midnight her father came home, singing Tasso +as usual, and so drunk that he could not stand. He went up to Bettina's +bed, and after kissing her affectionately he said to her: "Thou art not +mad, my girl." + +Her answer was that he was not drunk. + +"Thou art possessed of the devil, my dear child." + +"Yes, father, and you alone can cure me." + +"Well, I am ready." + +Upon this our shoemaker begins a theological discourse, expatiating upon +the power of faith and upon the virtue of the paternal blessing. He +throws off his cloak, takes a crucifix with one hand, places the other +over the head of his daughter, and addresses the devil in such an amusing +way that even his wife, always a stupid, dull, cross-grained old woman, +had to laugh till the tears came down her cheeks. The two performers in +the comedy alone were not laughing, and their serious countenance added +to the fun of the performance. I marvelled at Bettina (who was always +ready to enjoy a good laugh) having sufficient control over herself to +remain calm and grave. Doctor Gozzi had also given way to merriment; but +begged that the farce should come to an end, for he deemed that his +father's eccentricities were as many profanations against the sacredness +of exorcism. At last the exorcist, doubtless tired out, went to bed +saying that he was certain that the devil would not disturb his daughter +during the night. + +On the morrow, just as we had finished our breakfast, Father Mancia made +his appearance. Doctor Gozzi, followed by the whole family, escorted him +to his sister's bedside. As for me, I was entirely taken up by the face +of the monk. Here is his portrait. His figure was tall and majestic, his +age about thirty; he had light hair and blue eyes; his features were +those of Apollo, but without his pride and assuming haughtiness; his +complexion, dazzling white, was pale, but that paleness seemed to have +been given for the very purpose of showing off the red coral of his lips, +through which could be seen, when they opened, two rows of pearls. He was +neither thin nor stout, and the habitual sadness of his countenance +enhanced its sweetness. His gait was slow, his air timid, an indication +of the great modesty of his mind. + +When we entered the room Bettina was asleep, or pretended to be so. +Father Mancia took a sprinkler and threw over her a few drops of holy +water; she opened her eyes, looked at the monk, and closed them +immediately; a little while after she opened them again, had a better +look at him, laid herself on her back, let her arms droop down gently, +and with her head prettily bent on one side she fell into the sweetest of +slumbers. + +The exorcist, standing by the bed, took out his pocket ritual and the +stole which he put round his neck, then a reliquary, which he placed on +the bosom of the sleeping girl, and with the air of a saint he begged all +of us to fall on our knees and to pray, so that God should let him know +whether the patient was possessed or only labouring under a natural +disease. He kept us kneeling for half an hour, reading all the time in a +low tone of voice. Bettina did not stir. + +Tired, I suppose, of the performance, he desired to speak privately with +Doctor Gozzi. They passed into the next room, out of which they emerged +after a quarter of an hour, brought back by a loud peal of laughter from +the mad girl, who, when she saw them, turned her back on them. Father +Mancia smiled, dipped the sprinkler over and over in the holy water, gave +us all a generous shower, and took his leave. + +Doctor Gozzi told us that the exorcist would come again on the morrow, +and that he had promised to deliver Bettina within three hours if she +were truly possessed of the demon, but that he made no promise if it +should turn out to be a case of madness. The mother exclaimed that he +would surely deliver her, and she poured out her thanks to God for having +allowed her the grace of beholding a saint before her death. + +The following day Bettina was in a fine frenzy. She began to utter the +most extravagant speeches that a poet could imagine, and did not stop +when the charming exorcist came into her room; he seemed to enjoy her +foolish talk for a few minutes, after which, having armed himself +'cap-a-pie', he begged us to withdraw. His order was obeyed instantly; we +left the chamber, and the door remained open. But what did it matter? Who +would have been bold enough to go in? + +During three long hours we heard nothing; the stillness was unbroken. At +noon the monk called us in. Bettina was there sad and very quiet while +the exorcist packed up his things. He took his departure, saying he had +very good hopes of the case, and requesting that the doctor would send +him news of the patient. Bettina partook of dinner in her bed, got up for +supper, and the next day behaved herself rationally; but the following +circumstance strengthened my opinion that she had been neither insane nor +possessed. + +It was two days before the Purification of the Holy Virgin. Doctor Gozzi +was in the habit of giving us the sacrament in his own church, but he +always sent us for our confession to the church of Saint-Augustin, in +which the Jacobins of Padua officiated. At the supper table, he told us +to prepare ourselves for the next day, and his mother, addressing us, +said: "You ought, all of you, to confess to Father Mancia, so as to +obtain absolution from that holy man. I intend to go to him myself." +Cordiani and the two Feltrini agreed to the proposal; I remained silent, +but as the idea was unpleasant to me, I concealed the feeling, with a +full determination to prevent the execution of the project. + +I had entire confidence in the secrecy of confession, and I was incapable +of making a false one, but knowing that I had a right to choose my +confessor, I most certainly never would have been so simple as to confess +to Father Mancia what had taken place between me and a girl, because he +would have easily guessed that the girl could be no other but Bettina. +Besides, I was satisfied that Cordiani would confess everything to the +monk, and I was deeply sorry. + +Early the next morning, Bettina brought me a band for my neck, and gave +me the following letter: "Spurn me, but respect my honour and the shadow +of peace to which I aspire. No one from this house must confess to Father +Mancia; you alone can prevent the execution of that project, and I need +not suggest the way to succeed. It will prove whether you have some +friendship for me." + +I could not express the pity I felt for the poor girl, as I read that +note. In spite of that feeling, this is what I answered: "I can well +understand that, notwithstanding the inviolability of confession, your +mother's proposal should cause you great anxiety; but I cannot see why, +in order to prevent its execution, you should depend upon me rather than +upon Cordiani who has expressed his acceptance of it. All I can promise +you is that I will not be one of those who may go to Father Mancia; but I +have no influence over your lover; you alone can speak to him." + +She replied: "I have never addressed a word to Cordiani since the fatal +night which has sealed my misery, and I never will speak to him again, +even if I could by so doing recover my lost happiness. To you alone I +wish to be indebted for my life and for my honour." + +This girl appeared to me more wonderful than all the heroines of whom I +had read in novels. It seemed to me that she was making sport of me with +the most barefaced effrontery. I thought she was trying to fetter me +again with her chains; and although I had no inclination for them, I made +up my mind to render her the service she claimed at my hands, and which +she believed I alone could compass. She felt certain of her success, but +in what school had she obtained her experience of the human heart? Was it +in reading novels? Most likely the reading of a certain class of novels +causes the ruin of a great many young girls, but I am of opinion that +from good romances they acquire graceful manners and a knowledge of +society. + +Having made up my mind to shew her every kindness in my power, I took an +opportunity, as we were undressing for the night, of telling Doctor Gozzi +that, for conscientious motives, I could not confess to Father Mancia, +and yet that I did not wish to be an exception in that matter. He kindly +answered that he understood my reasons, and that he would take us all to +the church of Saint-Antoine. I kissed his hand in token of my gratitude. + +On the following day, everything having gone according to her wishes, I +saw Bettina sit down to the table with a face beaming with satisfaction. +In the afternoon I had to go to bed in consequence of a wound in my foot; +the doctor accompanied his pupils to church; and Bettina being alone, +availed herself of the opportunity, came to my room and sat down on my +bed. I had expected her visit, and I received it with pleasure, as it +heralded an explanation for which I was positively longing. + +She began by expressing a hope that I would not be angry with her for +seizing the first opportunity she had of some conversation with me. + +"No," I answered, "for you thus afford me an occasion of assuring you +that, my feelings towards you being those of a friend only, you need not +have any fear of my causing you any anxiety or displeasure. Therefore +Bettina, you may do whatever suits you; my love is no more. You have at +one blow given the death-stroke to the intense passion which was +blossoming in my heart. When I reached my room, after the ill-treatment I +had experienced at Cordiani's hands, I felt for you nothing but hatred; +that feeling soon merged into utter contempt, but that sensation itself +was in time, when my mind recovered its balance, changed for a feeling of +the deepest indifference, which again has given way when I saw what power +there is in your mind. I have now become your friend; I have conceived +the greatest esteem for your cleverness. I have been the dupe of it, but +no matter; that talent of yours does exist, it is wonderful, divine, I +admire it, I love it, and the highest homage I can render to it is, in my +estimation, to foster for the possessor of it the purest feelings of +friendship. Reciprocate that friendship, be true, sincere, and plain +dealing. Give up all nonsense, for you have already obtained from me all +I can give you. The very thought of love is repugnant to me; I can bestow +my love only where I feel certain of being the only one loved. You are at +liberty to lay my foolish delicacy to the account of my youthful age, but +I feel so, and I cannot help it. You have written to me that you never +speak to Cordiani; if I am the cause of that rupture between you, I +regret it, and I think that, in the interest of your honour, you would do +well to make it up with him; for the future I must be careful never to +give him any grounds for umbrage or suspicion. Recollect also that, if +you have tempted him by the same manoeuvres which you have employed +towards me, you are doubly wrong, for it may be that, if he truly loves +you, you have caused him to be miserable." + +"All you have just said to me," answered Bettina, "is grounded upon false +impressions and deceptive appearances. I do not love Cordiani, and I +never had any love for him; on the contrary, I have felt, and I do feel, +for him a hatred which he has richly deserved, and I hope to convince +you, in spite of every appearance which seems to convict me. As to the +reproach of seduction, I entreat you to spare me such an accusation. On +our side, consider that, if you had not yourself thrown temptation in my +way, I never would have committed towards you an action of which I have +deeply repented, for reasons which you do not know, but which you must +learn from me. The fault I have been guilty of is a serious one only +because I did not foresee the injury it would do me in the inexperienced +mind of the ingrate who dares to reproach me with it." + +Bettina was shedding tears: all she had said was not unlikely and rather +complimentary to my vanity, but I had seen too much. Besides, I knew the +extent of her cleverness, and it was very natural to lend her a wish to +deceive me; how could I help thinking that her visit to me was prompted +only by her self-love being too deeply wounded to let me enjoy a victory +so humiliating to herself? Therefore, unshaken in my preconceived +opinion, I told her that I placed implicit confidence in all she had just +said respecting the state of her heart previous to the playful nonsense +which had been the origin of my love for her, and that I promised never +in the future to allude again to my accusation of seduction. "But," I +continued, "confess that the fire at that time burning in your bosom was +only of short duration, and that the slightest breath of wind had been +enough to extinguish it. Your virtue, which went astray for only one +instant, and which has so suddenly recovered its mastery over your +senses, deserves some praise. You, with all your deep adoring love for +me, became all at once blind to my sorrow, whatever care I took to make +it clear to your sight. It remains for me to learn how that virtue could +be so very dear to you, at the very time that Cordiani took care to wreck +it every night." + +Bettina eyed me with the air of triumph which perfect confidence in +victory gives to a person, and said: "You have just reached the point +where I wished you to be. You shall now be made aware of things which I +could not explain before, owing to your refusing the appointment which I +then gave you for no other purpose than to tell you all the truth. +Cordiani declared his love for me a week after he became an inmate in our +house; he begged my consent to a marriage, if his father made the demand +of my hand as soon as he should have completed his studies. My answer was +that I did not know him sufficiently, that I could form no idea on the +subject, and I requested him not to allude to it any more. He appeared to +have quietly given up the matter, but soon after, I found out that it was +not the case; he begged me one day to come to his room now and then to +dress his hair; I told him I had no time to spare, and he remarked that +you were more fortunate. I laughed at this reproach, as everyone here +knew that I had the care of you. It was a fortnight after my refusal to +Cordiani, that I unfortunately spent an hour with you in that loving +nonsense which has naturally given you ideas until then unknown to your +senses. That hour made me very happy: I loved you, and having given way +to very natural desires, I revelled in my enjoyment without the slightest +remorse of conscience. I was longing to be again with you the next +morning, but after supper, misfortune laid for the first time its hand +upon me. Cordiani slipped in my hands this note and this letter which I +have since hidden in a hole in the wall, with the intention of shewing +them to you at the first opportunity." + +Saying this, Bettina handed me the note and the letter; the first ran as +follows: "Admit me this evening in your closet, the door of which, +leading to the yard, can be left ajar, or prepare yourself to make the +best of it with the doctor, to whom I intend to deliver, if you should +refuse my request, the letter of which I enclose a copy." + +The letter contained the statement of a cowardly and enraged informer, +and would certainly have caused the most unpleasant results. In that +letter Cordiani informed the doctor that his sister spent her mornings +with me in criminal connection while he was saying his mass, and he +pledged himself to enter into particulars which would leave him no doubt. + +"After giving to the case the consideration it required," continued +Bettina, "I made up my mind to hear that monster; but my determination +being fixed, I put in my pocket my father's stilletto, and holding my +door ajar I waited for him there, unwilling to let him come in, as my +closet is divided only by a thin partition from the room of my father, +whom the slightest noise might have roused up. My first question to +Cordiani was in reference to the slander contained in the letter he +threatened to deliver to my brother: he answered that it was no slander, +for he had been a witness to everything that had taken place in the +morning through a hole he had bored in the garret just above your bed, +and to which he would apply his eye the moment he knew that I was in your +room. He wound up by threatening to discover everything to my brother and +to my mother, unless I granted him the same favours I had bestowed upon +you. In my just indignation I loaded him with the most bitter insults, I +called him a cowardly spy and slanderer, for he could not have seen +anything but childish playfulness, and I declared to him that he need not +flatter himself that any threat would compel me to give the slightest +compliance to his wishes. He then begged and begged my pardon a thousand +times, and went on assuring me that I must lay to my rigour the odium of +the step he had taken, the only excuse for it being in the fervent love I +had kindled in his heart, and which made him miserable. He acknowledged +that his letter might be a slander, that he had acted treacherously, and +he pledged his honour never to attempt obtaining from me by violence +favours which he desired to merit only by the constancy of his love. I +then thought myself to some extent compelled to say that I might love him +at some future time, and to promise that I would not again come near your +bed during the absence of my brother. In this way I dismissed him +satisfied, without his daring to beg for so much as a kiss, but with the +promise that we might now and then have some conversation in the same +place. As soon as he left me I went to bed, deeply grieved that I could +no longer see you in the absence of my brother, and that I was unable, +for fear of consequences, to let you know the reason of my change. Three +weeks passed off in that position, and I cannot express what have been my +sufferings, for you, of course, urged me to come, and I was always under +the painful necessity of disappointing you. I even feared to find myself +alone with you, for I felt certain that I could not have refrained from +telling you the cause of the change in my conduct. To crown my misery, +add that I found myself compelled, at least once a week, to receive the +vile Cordiani outside of my room, and to speak to him, in order to check +his impatience with a few words. At last, unable to bear up any longer +under such misery, threatened likewise by you, I determined to end my +agony. I wished to disclose to you all this intrigue, leaving to you the +care of bringing a change for the better, and for that purpose I proposed +that you should accompany me to the ball disguised as a girl, although I +knew it would enrage Cordiani; but my mind was made up. You know how my +scheme fell to the ground. The unexpected departure of my brother with my +father suggested to both of you the same idea, and it was before +receiving Cordiani's letter that I promised to come to you. Cordiani did +not ask for an appointment; he only stated that he would be waiting for +me in my closet, and I had no opportunity of telling him that I could not +allow him to come, any more than I could find time to let you know that I +would be with you only after midnight, as I intended to do, for I +reckoned that after an hour's talk I would dismiss the wretch to his +room. But my reckoning was wrong; Cordiani had conceived a scheme, and I +could not help listening to all he had to say about it. His whining and +exaggerated complaints had no end. He upbraided me for refusing to +further the plan he had concocted, and which he thought I would accept +with rapture if I loved him. The scheme was for me to elope with him +during holy week, and to run away to Ferrara, where he had an uncle who +would have given us a kind welcome, and would soon have brought his +father to forgive him and to insure our happiness for life. The +objections I made, his answers, the details to be entered into, the +explanations and the ways and means to be examined to obviate the +difficulties of the project, took up the whole night. My heart was +bleeding as I thought of you; but my conscience is at rest, and I did +nothing that could render me unworthy of your esteem. You cannot refuse +it to me, unless you believe that the confession I have just made is +untrue; but you would be both mistaken and unjust. Had I made up my mind +to sacrifice myself and to grant favours which love alone ought to +obtain, I might have got rid of the treacherous wretch within one hour, +but death seemed preferable to such a dreadful expedient. Could I in any +way suppose that you were outside of my door, exposed to the wind and to +the snow? Both of us were deserving of pity, but my misery was still +greater than yours. All these fearful circumstances were written in the +book of fate, to make me lose my reason, which now returns only at +intervals, and I am in constant dread of a fresh attack of those awful +convulsions. They say I am bewitched, and possessed of the demon; I do +not know anything about it, but if it should be true I am the most +miserable creature in existence." Bettina ceased speaking, and burst into +a violent storm of tears, sobs, and groans. I was deeply moved, although +I felt that all she had said might be true, and yet was scarcely worthy +of belief: + + 'Forse era ver, ma non pero credibile + A chi del senso suo fosse signor.' + +But she was weeping, and her tears, which at all events were not +deceptive, took away from me the faculty of doubt. Yet I put her tears to +the account of her wounded self-love; to give way entirely I needed a +thorough conviction, and to obtain it evidence was necessary, probability +was not enough. I could not admit either Cordiani's moderation or +Bettina's patience, or the fact of seven hours employed in innocent +conversation. In spite of all these considerations, I felt a sort of +pleasure in accepting for ready cash all the counterfeit coins that she +had spread out before me. + +After drying her tears, Bettina fixed her beautiful eyes upon mine, +thinking that she could discern in them evident signs of her victory; but +I surprised her much by alluding to one point which, with all her +cunning, she had neglected to mention in her defence. Rhetoric makes use +of nature's secrets in the same way as painters who try to imitate it: +their most beautiful work is false. This young girl, whose mind had not +been refined by study, aimed at being considered innocent and artless, +and she did her best to succeed, but I had seen too good a specimen of +her cleverness. + +"Well, my dear Bettina," I said, "your story has affected me; but how do +you think I am going to accept your convulsions as natural, and to +believe in the demoniac symptoms which came on so seasonably during the +exorcisms, although you very properly expressed your doubts on the +matter?" + +Hearing this, Bettina stared at me, remaining silent for a few minutes, +then casting her eyes down she gave way to fresh tears, exclaiming now +and then: "Poor me! oh, poor me!" This situation, however, becoming most +painful to me, I asked what I could do for her. She answered in a sad +tone that if my heart did not suggest to me what to do, she did not +herself see what she could demand of me. + +"I thought," said she, "that I would reconquer my lost influence over +your heart, but, I see it too plainly, you no longer feel an interest in +me. Go on treating me harshly; go on taking for mere fictions sufferings +which are but too real, which you have caused, and which you will now +increase. Some day, but too late, you will be sorry, and your repentance +will be bitter indeed." + +As she pronounced these words she rose to take her leave; but judging her +capable of anything I felt afraid, and I detained her to say that the +only way to regain my affection was to remain one month without +convulsions and without handsome Father Mancia's presence being required. + +"I cannot help being convulsed," she answered, "but what do you mean by +applying to the Jacobin that epithet of handsome? Could you suppose--?" + +"Not at all, not at all--I suppose nothing; to do so would be necessary +for me to be jealous. But I cannot help saying that the preference given +by your devils to the exorcism of that handsome monk over the +incantations of the ugly Capuchin is likely to give birth to remarks +rather detrimental to your honour. Moreover, you are free to do whatever +pleases you." + +Thereupon she left my room, and a few minutes later everybody came home. + +After supper the servant, without any question on my part, informed me +that Bettina had gone to bed with violent feverish chills, having +previously had her bed carried into the kitchen beside her mother's. This +attack of fever might be real, but I had my doubts. I felt certain that +she would never make up her mind to be well, for her good health would +have supplied me with too strong an argument against her pretended +innocence, even in the case of Cordiani; I likewise considered her idea +of having her bed placed near her mother's nothing but artful +contrivance. + +The next day Doctor Olivo found her very feverish, and told her brother +that she would most likely be excited and delirious, but that it would be +the effect of the fever and not the work of the devil. And truly, Bettina +was raving all day, but Dr. Gozzi, placing implicit confidence in the +physician, would not listen to his mother, and did not send for the +Jacobin friar. The fever increased in violence, and on the fourth day the +small-pox broke out. Cordiani and the two brothers Feitrini, who had so +far escaped that disease, were immediately sent away, but as I had had it +before I remained at home. + +The poor girl was so fearfully covered with the loathsome eruption, that +on the sixth day her skin could not be seen on any part of her body. Her +eyes closed, and her life was despaired of, when it was found that her +mouth and throat were obstructed to such a degree that she could swallow +nothing but a few drops of honey. She was perfectly motionless; she +breathed and that was all. Her mother never left her bedside, and I was +thought a saint when I carried my table and my books into the patient's +room. The unfortunate girl had become a fearful sight to look upon; her +head was dreadfully swollen, the nose could no longer be seen, and much +fear was entertained for her eyes, in case her life should be spared. The +odour of her perspiration was most offensive, but I persisted in keeping +my watch by her. + +On the ninth day, the vicar gave her absolution, and after administering +extreme unction, he left her, as he said, in the hands of God. In the +midst of so much sadness, the conversation of the mother with her son, +would, in spite of myself, cause me some amount of merriment. The good +woman wanted to know whether the demon who was dwelling in her child +could still influence her to perform extravagant follies, and what would +become of the demon in the case of her daughter's death, for, as she +expressed it, she could not think of his being so stupid as to remain in +so loathsome a body. She particularly wanted to ascertain whether the +demon had power to carry off the soul of her child. Doctor Gozzi, who was +an ubiquitarian, made to all those questions answers which had not even +the shadow of good sense, and which of course had no other effect than to +increase a hundred-fold the perplexity of his poor mother. + +During the tenth and eleventh days, Bettina was so bad that we thought +every moment likely to be her last. The disease had reached its worst +period; the smell was unbearable; I alone would not leave her, so sorely +did I pity her. The heart of man is indeed an unfathomable abyss, for, +however incredible it may appear, it was while in that fearful state that +Bettina inspired me with the fondness which I showed her after her +recovery. + +On the thirteenth day the fever abated, but the patient began to +experience great irritation, owing to a dreadful itching, which no remedy +could have allayed as effectually as these powerful words which I kept +constantly pouring into her ear: "Bettina, you are getting better; but if +you dare to scratch yourself, you will become such a fright that nobody +will ever love you." All the physicians in the universe might be +challenged to prescribe a more potent remedy against itching for a girl +who, aware that she has been pretty, finds herself exposed to the loss of +her beauty through her own fault, if she scratches herself. + +At last her fine eyes opened again to the light of heaven; she was moved +to her own room, but she had to keep her bed until Easter. She inoculated +me with a few pocks, three of which have left upon my face everlasting +marks; but in her eyes they gave me credit for great devotedness, for +they were a proof of my constant care, and she felt that I indeed +deserved her whole love. And she truly loved me, and I returned her love, +although I never plucked a flower which fate and prejudice kept in store +for a husband. But what a contemptible husband! + +Two years later she married a shoemaker, by name Pigozzo--a base, arrant +knave who beggared and ill-treated her to such an extent that her brother +had to take her home and to provide for her. Fifteen years afterwards, +having been appointed arch-priest at Saint-George de la Vallee, he took +her there with him, and when I went to pay him a visit eighteen years +ago, I found Bettina old, ill, and dying. She breathed her last in my +arms in 1776, twenty-four hours after my arrival. I will speak of her +death in good time. + +About that period, my mother returned from St. Petersburg, where the +Empress Anne Iwanowa had not approved of the Italian comedy. The whole of +the troop had already returned to Italy, and my mother had travelled with +Carlin Bertinazzi, the harlequin, who died in Paris in the year 1783. As +soon as she had reached Padua, she informed Doctor Gozzi of her arrival, +and he lost no time in accompanying me to the inn where she had put up. +We dined with her, and before bidding us adieu, she presented the doctor +with a splendid fur, and gave me the skin of a lynx for Bettina. Six +months afterwards she summoned me to Venice, as she wished to see me +before leaving for Dresden, where she had contracted an engagement for +life in the service of the Elector of Saxony, Augustus III., King of +Poland. She took with her my brother Jean, then eight years old, who was +weeping bitterly when he left; I thought him very foolish, for there was +nothing very tragic in that departure. He is the only one in the family +who was wholly indebted to our mother for his fortune, although he was +not her favourite child. + +I spent another year in Padua, studying law in which I took the degree of +Doctor in my sixteenth year, the subject of my thesis being in the civil +law, 'de testamentis', and in the canon law, 'utrum Hebraei possint +construere novas synagogas'. + +My vocation was to study medicine, and to practice it, for I felt a great +inclination for that profession, but no heed was given to my wishes, and +I was compelled to apply myself to the study of the law, for which I had +an invincible repugnance. My friends were of opinion that I could not +make my fortune in any profession but that of an advocate, and, what is +still worse, of an ecclesiastical advocate. If they had given the matter +proper consideration, they would have given me leave to follow my own +inclinations, and I would have been a physician--a profession in which +quackery is of still greater avail than in the legal business. I never +became either a physician or an advocate, and I never would apply to a +lawyer, when I had any legal business, nor call in a physician when I +happened to be ill. Lawsuits and pettifoggery may support a good many +families, but a greater proportion is ruined by them, and those who +perish in the hands, of physicians are more numerous by far than those +who get cured strong evidence in my opinion, that mankind would be much +less miserable without either lawyers or doctors. + +To attend the lectures of the professors, I had to go to the university +called the Bo, and it became necessary for me to go out alone. This was a +matter of great wonder to me, for until then I had never considered +myself a free man; and in my wish to enjoy fully the liberty I thought I +had just conquered, it was not long before I had made the very worst +acquaintances amongst the most renowned students. As a matter of course, +the most renowned were the most worthless, dissolute fellows, gamblers, +frequenters of disorderly houses, hard drinkers, debauchees, tormentors +and suborners of honest girls, liars, and wholly incapable of any good or +virtuous feeling. In the company of such men did I begin my +apprenticeship of the world, learning my lesson from the book of +experience. + +The theory of morals and its usefulness through the life of man can be +compared to the advantage derived by running over the index of a book +before reading it when we have perused that index we know nothing but the +subject of the work. This is like the school for morals offered by the +sermons, the precepts, and the tales which our instructors recite for our +especial benefit. We lend our whole attention to those lessons, but when +an opportunity offers of profiting by the advice thus bestowed upon us, +we feel inclined to ascertain for ourselves whether the result will turn +out as predicted; we give way to that very natural inclination, and +punishment speedily follows with concomitant repentance. Our only +consolation lies in the fact that in such moments we are conscious of our +own knowledge, and consider ourselves as having earned the right to +instruct others; but those to whom we wish to impart our experience act +exactly as we have acted before them, and, as a matter of course, the +world remains in statu quo, or grows worse and worse. + +When Doctor Gozzi granted me the privilege of going out alone, he gave me +an opportunity for the discovery of several truths which, until then, +were not only unknown to me, but the very existence of which I had never +suspected. On my first appearance, the boldest scholars got hold of me +and sounded my depth. Finding that I was a thorough freshman, they +undertook my education, and with that worthy purpose in view they allowed +me to fall blindly into every trap. They taught me gambling, won the +little I possessed, and then they made me play upon trust, and put me up +to dishonest practices in order to procure the means of paying my +gambling debts; but I acquired at the same time the sad experience of +sorrow! Yet these hard lessons proved useful, for they taught me to +mistrust the impudent sycophants who openly flatter their dupes, and +never to rely upon the offers made by fawning flatterers. They taught me +likewise how to behave in the company of quarrelsome duellists, the +society of whom ought to be avoided, unless we make up our mind to be +constantly in the very teeth of danger. I was not caught in the snares of +professional lewd women, because not one of them was in my eyes as pretty +as Bettina, but I did not resist so well the desire for that species of +vain glory which is the reward of holding life at a cheap price. + +In those days the students in Padua enjoyed very great privileges, which +were in reality abuses made legal through prescription, the primitive +characteristic of privileges, which differ essentially from prerogatives. +In fact, in order to maintain the legality of their privileges, the +students often committed crimes. The guilty were dealt with tenderly, +because the interest of the city demanded that severity should not +diminish the great influx of scholars who flocked to that renowned +university from every part of Europe. The practice of the Venetian +government was to secure at a high salary the most celebrated professors, +and to grant the utmost freedom to the young men attending their lessons. +The students acknowledged no authority but that of a chief, chosen among +themselves, and called syndic. He was usually a foreign nobleman, who +could keep a large establishment, and who was responsible to the +government for the behaviour of the scholars. It was his duty to give +them up to justice when they transgressed the laws, and the students +never disputed his sentence, because he always defended them to the +utmost, when they had the slightest shadow of right on their side. + +The students, amongst other privileges, would not suffer their trunks to +be searched by customhouse authorities, and no ordinary policeman would +have dared to arrest one of them. They carried about them forbidden +weapons, seduced helpless girls, and often disturbed the public peace by +their nocturnal broils and impudent practical jokes; in one word, they +were a body of young fellows, whom nothing could restrain, who would +gratify every whim, and enjoy their sport without regard or consideration +for any human being. + +It was about that time that a policeman entered a coffee-room, in which +were seated two students. One of them ordered him out, but the man taking +no notice of it, the student fired a pistol at him, and missed his aim. +The policeman returned the fire, wounded the aggressor, and ran away. The +students immediately mustered together at the Bo, divided into bands, and +went over the city, hunting the policemen to murder them, and avenge the +insult they had received. In one of the encounters two of the students +were killed, and all the others, assembling in one troop, swore never to +lay their arms down as long as there should be one policeman alive in +Padua. The authorities had to interfere, and the syndic of the students +undertook to put a stop to hostilities provided proper satisfaction was +given, as the police were in the wrong. The man who had shot the student +in the coffee-room was hanged, and peace was restored; but during the +eight days of agitation, as I was anxious not to appear less brave than +my comrades who were patrolling the city, I followed them in spite of +Doctor Gozzi's remonstrances. Armed with a carbine and a pair of pistols, +I ran about the town with the others, in quest of the enemy, and I +recollect how disappointed I was because the troop to which I belonged +did not meet one policeman. When the war was over, the doctor laughed at +me, but Bettina admired my valour. Unfortunately, I indulged in expenses +far above my means, owing to my unwillingness to seem poorer than my new +friends. I sold or pledged everything I possessed, and I contracted debts +which I could not possibly pay. This state of things caused my first +sorrows, and they are the most poignant sorrows under which a young man +can smart. Not knowing which way to turn, I wrote to my excellent +grandmother, begging her assistance, but instead of sending me some +money, she came to Padua on the 1st of October, 1739, and, after thanking +the doctor and Bettina for all their affectionate care, she bought me +back to Venice. As he took leave of me, the doctor, who was shedding +tears, gave me what he prized most on earth; a relic of some saint, which +perhaps I might have kept to this very day, had not the setting been of +gold. It performed only one miracle, that of being of service to me in a +moment of great need. Whenever I visited Padua, to complete my study of +the law, I stayed at the house of the kind doctor, but I was always +grieved at seeing near Bettina the brute to whom she was engaged, and who +did not appear to me deserving of such a wife. I have always regretted +that a prejudice, of which I soon got rid, should have made me preserve +for that man a flower which I could have plucked so easily. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +I receive the minor orders from the patriarch of Venice--I get acquainted +with Senator Malipiero, with Therese Imer, with the niece of the Curate, +with Madame Orio, with Nanette and Marton, and with the Cavamacchia--I +become a preacher--my adventure with Lucie at Pasean A rendezvous on the +third story. + +"He comes from Padua, where he has completed his studies." Such were the +words by which I was everywhere introduced, and which, the moment they +were uttered, called upon me the silent observation of every young man of +my age and condition, the compliments of all fathers, and the caresses of +old women, as well as the kisses of a few who, although not old, were not +sorry to be considered so for the sake of embracing a young man without +impropriety. The curate of Saint-Samuel, the Abbe Josello, presented me +to Monsignor Correre, Patriarch of Venice, who gave me the tonsure, and +who, four months afterwards, by special favour, admitted me to the four +minor orders. No words could express the joy and the pride of my +grandmother. Excellent masters were given to me to continue my studies, +and M. Baffo chose the Abbe Schiavo to teach me a pure Italian style, +especially poetry, for which I had a decided talent. I was very +comfortably lodged with my brother Francois, who was studying theatrical +architecture. My sister and my youngest brother were living with our +grandam in a house of her own, in which it was her wish to die, because +her husband had there breathed his last. The house in which I dwelt was +the same in which my father had died, and the rent of which my mother +continued to pay. It was large and well furnished. + +Although Abbe Grimani was my chief protector, I seldom saw him, and I +particularly attached myself to M. de Malipiero, to whom I had been +presented by the Curate Josello. M. de Malipiero was a senator, who was +unwilling at seventy years of age to attend any more to State affairs, +and enjoyed a happy, sumptuous life in his mansion, surrounded every +evening by a well-chosen party of ladies who had all known how to make +the best of their younger days, and of gentlemen who were always +acquainted with the news of the town. He was a bachelor and wealthy, but, +unfortunately, he had three or four times every year severe attacks of +gout, which always left him crippled in some part or other of his body, +so that all his person was disabled. His head, his lungs, and his stomach +had alone escaped this cruel havoc. He was still a fine man, a great +epicure, and a good judge of wine; his wit was keen, his knowledge of the +world extensive, his eloquence worthy of a son of Venice, and he had that +wisdom which must naturally belong to a senator who for forty years has +had the management of public affairs, and to a man who has bid farewell +to women after having possessed twenty mistresses, and only when he felt +himself compelled to acknowledge that he could no longer be accepted by +any woman. Although almost entirely crippled, he did not appear to be so +when he was seated, when he talked, or when he was at table. He had only +one meal a day, and always took it alone because, being toothless and +unable to eat otherwise than very slowly, he did not wish to hurry +himself out of compliment to his guests, and would have been sorry to see +them waiting for him. This feeling deprived him of the pleasure he would +have enjoyed in entertaining at his board friendly and agreeable guests, +and caused great sorrow to his excellent cook. + +The first time I had the honour of being introduced to him by the curate, +I opposed earnestly the reason which made him eat his meals in solitude, +and I said that his excellency had only to invite guests whose appetite +was good enough to enable them to eat a double share. + +"But where can I find such table companions?" he asked. + +"It is rather a delicate matter," I answered; "but you must take your +guests on trial, and after they have been found such as you wish them to +be, the only difficulty will be to keep them as your guests without their +being aware of the real cause of your preference, for no respectable man +could acknowledge that he enjoys the honour of sitting at your +excellency's table only because he eats twice as much as any other man." + +The senator understood the truth of my argument, and asked the curate to +bring me to dinner on the following day. He found my practice even better +than my theory, and I became his daily guest. + +This man, who had given up everything in life except his own self, +fostered an amorous inclination, in spite of his age and of his gout. He +loved a young girl named Therese Imer, the daughter of an actor residing +near his mansion, her bedroom window being opposite to his own. This +young girl, then in her seventeenth year, was pretty, whimsical, and a +regular coquette. She was practising music with a view to entering the +theatrical profession, and by showing herself constantly at the window +she had intoxicated the old senator, and was playing with him cruelly. +She paid him a daily visit, but always escorted by her mother, a former +actress, who had retired from the stage in order to work out her +salvation, and who, as a matter of course, had made up her mind to +combine the interests of heaven with the works of this world. She took +her daughter to mass every day and compelled her to go to confession +every week; but every afternoon she accompanied her in a visit to the +amorous old man, the rage of whom frightened me when she refused him a +kiss under the plea that she had performed her devotions in the morning, +and that she could not reconcile herself to the idea of offending the God +who was still dwelling in her. + +What a sight for a young man of fifteen like me, whom the old man +admitted as the only and silent witness of these erotic scenes! The +miserable mother applauded her daughter's reserve, and went so far as to +lecture the elderly lover, who, in his turn, dared not refute her maxims, +which savoured either too much or too little of Christianity, and +resisted a very strong inclination to hurl at her head any object he had +at hand. Anger would then take the place of lewd desires, and after they +had retired he would comfort himself by exchanging with me philosophical +considerations. + +Compelled to answer him, and not knowing well what to say, I ventured one +day upon advising a marriage. He struck me with amazement when he +answered that she refused to marry him from fear of drawing upon herself +the hatred of his relatives. + +"Then make her the offer of a large sum of money, or a position." + +"She says that she would not, even for a crown, commit a deadly sin." + +"In that case, you must either take her by storm, or banish her for ever +from your presence." + +"I can do neither one nor the other; physical as well as moral strength +is deficient in me." + +"Kill her, then." + +"That will very likely be the case unless I die first." + +"Indeed I pity your excellency." + +"Do you sometimes visit her?" + +"No, for I might fall in love with her, and I would be miserable." + +"You are right." + +Witnessing many such scenes, and taking part in many similar +conversations, I became an especial favourite with the old nobleman. I +was invited to his evening assemblies which were, as I have stated +before, frequented by superannuated women and witty men. He told me that +in this circle I would learn a science of greater import than Gassendi's +philosophy, which I was then studying by his advice instead of +Aristotle's, which he turned into ridicule. He laid down some precepts +for my conduct in those assemblies, explaining the necessity of my +observing them, as there would be some wonder at a young man of my age +being received at such parties. He ordered me never to open my lips +except to answer direct questions, and particularly enjoined me never to +pass an opinion on any subject, because at my age I could not be allowed +to have any opinions. + +I faithfully followed his precepts, and obeyed his orders so well, that +in a few days I had gained his esteem, and become the child of the house, +as well as the favourite of all the ladies who visited him. In my +character of a young and innocent ecclesiastic, they would ask me to +accompany them in their visits to the convents where their daughters or +their nieces were educated; I was at all hours received at their houses +without even being announced; I was scolded if a week elapsed without my +calling upon them, and when I went to the apartments reserved for the +young ladies, they would run away, but the moment they saw that the +intruder was only I, they would return at once, and their confidence was +very charming to me. + +Before dinner, M. de Malipiero would often inquire from me what +advantages were accruing to me from the welcome I received at the hands +of the respectable ladies I had become acquainted with at his house, +taking care to tell me, before I could have time to answer, that they +were all endowed with the greatest virtue, and that I would give +everybody a bad opinion of myself, if I ever breathed one word of +disparagement to the high reputation they all enjoyed. In this way he +would inculcate in me the wise precept of reserve and discretion. + +It was at the senator's house that I made the acquaintance of Madame +Manzoni, the wife of a notary public, of whom I shall have to speak very +often. This worthy lady inspired me with the deepest attachment, and she +gave me the wisest advice. Had I followed it, and profited by it, my life +would not have been exposed to so many storms; it is true that in that +case, my life would not be worth writing. + +All these fine acquaintances amongst women who enjoyed the reputation of +being high-bred ladies, gave me a very natural desire to shine by my good +looks and by the elegance of my dress; but my father confessor, as well +as my grandmother, objected very strongly to this feeling of vanity. On +one occasion, taking me apart, the curate told me, with honeyed words, +that in the profession to which I had devoted myself my thoughts ought to +dwell upon the best means of being agreeable to God, and not on pleasing +the world by my fine appearance. He condemned my elaborate curls, and the +exquisite perfume of my pomatum. He said that the devil had got hold of +me by the hair, that I would be excommunicated if I continued to take +such care of it, and concluded by quoting for my benefit these words from +an oecumenical council: 'clericus qui nutrit coman, anathema sit'. I +answered him with the names of several fashionable perfumed abbots, who +were not threatened with excommunication, who were not interfered with, +although they wore four times as much powder as I did--for I only used a +slight sprinkling--who perfumed their hair with a certain amber-scented +pomatum which brought women to the very point of fainting, while mine, a +jessamine pomade, called forth the compliment of every circle in which I +was received. I added that I could not, much to my regret, obey him, and +that if I had meant to live in slovenliness, I would have become a +Capuchin and not an abbe. + +My answer made him so angry that, three or four days afterwards, he +contrived to obtain leave from my grandmother to enter my chamber early +in the morning, before I was awake, and, approaching my bed on tiptoe +with a sharp pair of scissors, he cut off unmercifully all my front hair, +from one ear to the other. My brother Francois was in the adjoining room +and saw him, but he did not interfere as he was delighted at my +misfortune. He wore a wig, and was very jealous of my beautiful head of +hair. Francois was envious through the whole of his life; yet he combined +this feeling of envy with friendship; I never could understand him; but +this vice of his, like my own vices, must by this time have died of old +age. + +After his great operation, the abbe left my room quietly, but when I woke +up shortly afterwards, and realized all the horror of this unheard-of +execution, my rage and indignation were indeed wrought to the highest +pitch. + +What wild schemes of revenge my brain engendered while, with a +looking-glass in my hand, I was groaning over the shameful havoc +performed by this audacious priest! At the noise I made my grandmother +hastened to my room, and amidst my brother's laughter the kind old woman +assured me that the priest would never have been allowed to enter my room +if she could have foreseen his intention, and she managed to soothe my +passion to some extent by confessing that he had over-stepped the limits +of his right to administer a reproof. + +But I was determined upon revenge, and I went on dressing myself and +revolving in my mind the darkest plots. It seemed to me that I was +entitled to the most cruel revenge, without having anything to dread from +the terrors of the law. The theatres being open at that time I put on a +mask to go out, and I, went to the advocate Carrare, with whom I had +become acquainted at the senator's house, to inquire from him whether I +could bring a suit against the priest. He told me that, but a short time +since, a family had been ruined for having sheared the moustache of a +Sclavonian--a crime not nearly so atrocious as the shearing of all my +front locks, and that I had only to give him my instructions to begin a +criminal suit against the abbe, which would make him tremble. I gave my +consent, and begged that he would tell M. de Malipiero in the evening the +reason for which I could not go to his house, for I did not feel any +inclination to show myself anywhere until my hair had grown again. + +I went home and partook with my brother of a repast which appeared rather +scanty in comparison to the dinners I had with the old senator. The +privation of the delicate and plentiful fare to which his excellency had +accustomed me was most painful, besides all the enjoyments from which I +was excluded through the atrocious conduct of the virulent priest, who +was my godfather. I wept from sheer vexation; and my rage was increased +by the consciousness that there was in this insult a certain dash of +comical fun which threw over me a ridicule more disgraceful in my +estimation than the greatest crime. + +I went to bed early, and, refreshed by ten hours of profound slumber, I +felt in the morning somewhat less angry, but quite as determined to +summon the priest before a court. I dressed myself with the intention of +calling upon my advocate, when I received the visit of a skilful +hair-dresser whom I had seen at Madame Cantarini's house. He told me that +he was sent by M. de Malipiero to arrange my hair so that I could go out, +as the senator wished me to dine with him on that very day. He examined +the damage done to my head, and said, with a smile, that if I would trust +to his art, he would undertake to send me out with an appearance of even +greater elegance than I could boast of before; and truly, when he had +done, I found myself so good-looking that I considered my thirst for +revenge entirely satisfied. + +Having thus forgotten the injury, I called upon the lawyer to tell him to +stay all proceedings, and I hastened to M. de Malipiero's palace, where, +as chance would have it, I met the abbe. Notwithstanding all my joy, I +could not help casting upon him rather unfriendly looks, but not a word +was said about what had taken place. The senator noticed everything, and +the priest took his leave, most likely with feelings of mortified +repentance, for this time I most verily deserved excommunication by the +extreme studied elegance of my curling hair. + +When my cruel godfather had left us, I did not dissemble with M. de +Malipiero; I candidly told him that I would look out for another church, +and that nothing would induce me to remain under a priest who, in his +wrath, could go the length of such proceedings. The wise old man agreed +with me, and said that I was quite right: it was the best way to make me +do ultimately whatever he liked. In the evening everyone in our circle, +being well aware of what had happened, complimented me, and assured me +that nothing could be handsomer than my new head-dress. I was delighted, +and was still more gratified when, after a fortnight had elapsed, I found +that M. de Malipiero did not broach the subject of my returning to my +godfather's church. My grandmother alone constantly urged me to return. +But this calm was the harbinger of a storm. When my mind was thoroughly +at rest on that subject, M. de Malipiero threw me into the greatest +astonishment by suddenly telling me that an excellent opportunity offered +itself for me to reappear in the church and to secure ample satisfaction +from the abbe. + +"It is my province," added the senator, "as president of the +Confraternity of the Holy Sacrament, to choose the preacher who is to +deliver the sermon on the fourth Sunday of this month, which happens to +be the second Christmas holiday. I mean to appoint you, and I am certain +that the abbe will not dare to reject my choice. What say you to such a +triumphant reappearance? Does it satisfy you?" + +This offer caused me the greatest surprise, for I had never dreamt of +becoming a preacher, and I had never been vain enough to suppose that I +could write a sermon and deliver it in the church. I told M. de Malipiero +that he must surely be enjoying a joke at my expense, but he answered +that he had spoken in earnest, and he soon contrived to persuade me and +to make me believe that I was born to become the most renowned preacher +of our age as soon as I should have grown fat--a quality which I +certainly could not boast of, for at that time I was extremely thin. I +had not the shadow of a fear as to my voice or to my elocution, and for +the matter of composing my sermon I felt myself equal to the production +of a masterpiece. + +I told M. de Malipiero that I was ready, and anxious to be at home in +order to go to work; that, although no theologian, I was acquainted with +my subject, and would compose a sermon which would take everyone by +surprise on account of its novelty. + +On the following day, when I called upon him, he informed me that the +abbe had expressed unqualified delight at the choice made by him, and at +my readiness in accepting the appointment; but he likewise desired that I +should submit my sermon to him as soon as it was written, because the +subject belonging to the most sublime theology he could not allow me to +enter the pulpit without being satisfied that I would not utter any +heresies. I agreed to this demand, and during the week I gave birth to my +masterpiece. I have now that first sermon in my possession, and I cannot +help saying that, considering my tender years, I think it a very good +one. + +I could not give an idea of my grandmother's joy; she wept tears of +happiness at having a grandson who had become an apostle. She insisted +upon my reading my sermon to her, listened to it with her beads in her +hands, and pronounced it very beautiful. M. de Malipiero, who had no +rosary when I read it to him, was of opinion that it would not prove +acceptable to the parson. My text was from Horace: 'Ploravere suis non +respondere favorem sperdtum meritis'; and I deplored the wickedness and +ingratitude of men, through which had failed the design adopted by Divine +wisdom for the redemption of humankind. But M. de Malipiero was sorry +that I had taken my text from any heretical poet, although he was pleased +that my sermon was not interlarded with Latin quotations. + +I called upon the priest to read my production; but as he was out I had +to wait for his return, and during that time I fell in love with his +niece, Angela. She was busy upon some tambour work; I sat down close by +her, and telling me that she had long desired to make my acquaintance, +she begged me to relate the history of the locks of hair sheared by her +venerable uncle. + +My love for Angela proved fatal to me, because from it sprang two other +love affairs which, in their turn, gave birth to a great many others, and +caused me finally to renounce the Church as a profession. But let us +proceed quietly, and not encroach upon future events. + +On his return home the abbe found me with his niece, who was about my +age, and he did not appear to be angry. I gave him my sermon: he read it +over, and told me that it was a beautiful academical dissertation, but +unfit for a sermon from the pulpit, and he added, + +"I will give you a sermon written by myself, which I have never +delivered; you will commit it to memory, and I promise to let everybody +suppose that it is of your own composition." + +"I thank you, very reverend father, but I will preach my own sermon, or +none at all." + +"At all events, you shall not preach such a sermon as this in my church." + +"You can talk the matter over with M. de Malipiero. In the meantime I +will take my work to the censorship, and to His Eminence the Patriarch, +and if it is not accepted I shall have it printed." + +"All very well, young man. The patriarch will coincide with me." + +In the evening I related my discussion with the parson before all the +guests of M. de Malipiero. The reading of my sermon was called for, and +it was praised by all. They lauded me for having with proper modesty +refrained from quoting the holy fathers of the Church, whom at my age I +could not be supposed to have sufficiently studied, and the ladies +particularly admired me because there was no Latin in it but the Text +from Horace, who, although a great libertine himself, has written very +good things. A niece of the patriarch, who was present that evening, +promised to prepare her uncle in my favour, as I had expressed my +intention to appeal to him; but M. de Malipiero desired me not to take +any steps in the matter until I had seen him on the following day, and I +submissively bowed to his wishes. + +When I called at his mansion the next day he sent for the priest, who +soon made his appearance. As he knew well what he had been sent for, he +immediately launched out into a very long discourse, which I did not +interrupt, but the moment he had concluded his list of objections I told +him that there could not be two ways to decide the question; that the +patriarch would either approve or disapprove my sermon. + +"In the first case," I added, "I can pronounce it in your church, and no +responsibility can possibly fall upon your shoulders; in the second, I +must, of course, give way." + +The abbe was struck by my determination and he said, + +"Do not go to the patriarch; I accept your sermon; I only request you to +change your text. Horace was a villain." + +"Why do you quote Seneca, Tertullian, Origen, and Boethius? They were all +heretics, and must, consequently, be considered by you as worse wretches +than Horace, who, after all, never had the chance of becoming a +Christian!" + +However, as I saw it would please M. de Malipiero, I finally consented to +accept, as a substitute for mine, a text offered by the abbe, although it +did not suit in any way the spirit of my production; and in order to get +an opportunity for a visit to his niece, I gave him my manuscript, saying +that I would call for it the next day. My vanity prompted me to send a +copy to Doctor Gozzi, but the good man caused me much amusement by +returning it and writing that I must have gone mad, and that if I were +allowed to deliver such a sermon from the pulpit I would bring dishonour +upon myself as well as upon the man who had educated me. + +I cared but little for his opinion, and on the appointed day I delivered +my sermon in the Church of the Holy Sacrament in the presence of the best +society of Venice. I received much applause, and every one predicted that +I would certainly become the first preacher of our century, as no young +ecclesiastic of fifteen had ever been known to preach as well as I had +done. It is customary for the faithful to deposit their offerings for the +preacher in a purse which is handed to them for that purpose. + +The sexton who emptied it of its contents found in it more than fifty +sequins, and several billets-doux, to the great scandal of the weaker +brethren. An anonymous note amongst them, the writer of which I thought I +had guessed, let me into a mistake which I think better not to relate. +This rich harvest, in my great penury, caused me to entertain serious +thoughts of becoming a preacher, and I confided my intention to the +parson, requesting his assistance to carry it into execution. This gave +me the privilege of visiting at his house every day, and I improved the +opportunity of conversing with Angela, for whom my love was daily +increasing. But Angela was virtuous. She did not object to my love, but +she wished me to renounce the Church and to marry her. In spite of my +infatuation for her, I could not make up my mind to such a step, and I +went on seeing her and courting her in the hope that she would alter her +decision. + +The priest, who had at last confessed his admiration for my first sermon, +asked me, some time afterwards, to prepare another for St. Joseph's Day, +with an invitation to deliver it on the 19th of March, 1741. I composed +it, and the abbe spoke of it with enthusiasm, but fate had decided that I +should never preach but once in my life. It is a sad tale, unfortunately +for me very true, which some persons are cruel enough to consider very +amusing. + +Young and rather self-conceited, I fancied that it was not necessary for +me to spend much time in committing my sermon to memory. Being the +author, I had all the ideas contained in my work classified in my mind, +and it did not seem to me within the range of possibilities that I could +forget what I had written. Perhaps I might not remember the exact words +of a sentence, but I was at liberty to replace them by other expressions +as good, and as I never happened to be at a loss, or to be struck dumb, +when I spoke in society, it was not likely that such an untoward accident +would befall me before an audience amongst whom I did not know anyone who +could intimidate me and cause me suddenly to lose the faculty of reason +or of speech. I therefore took my pleasure as usual, being satisfied with +reading my sermon morning and evening, in order to impress it upon my +memory which until then had never betrayed me. + +The 19th of March came, and on that eventful day at four o'clock in the +afternoon I was to ascend the pulpit; but, believing myself quite secure +and thoroughly master of my subject, I had not the moral courage to deny +myself the pleasure of dining with Count Mont-Real, who was then residing +with me, and who had invited the patrician Barozzi, engaged to be married +to his daughter after the Easter holidays. + +I was still enjoying myself with my fine company, when the sexton of the +church came in to tell me that they were waiting for me in the vestry. +With a full stomach and my head rather heated, I took my leave, ran to +the church, and entered the pulpit. I went through the exordium with +credit to myself, and I took breathing time; but scarcely had I +pronounced the first sentences of the narration, before I forgot what I +was saying, what I had to say, and in my endeavours to proceed, I fairly +wandered from my subject and I lost myself entirely. I was still more +discomforted by a half-repressed murmur of the audience, as my deficiency +appeared evident. Several persons left the church, others began to smile, +I lost all presence of mind and every hope of getting out of the scrape. + +I could not say whether I feigned a fainting fit, or whether I truly +swooned; all I know is that I fell down on the floor of the pulpit, +striking my head against the wall, with an inward prayer for +annihilation. + +Two of the parish clerks carried me to the vestry, and after a few +moments, without addressing a word to anyone, I took my cloak and my hat, +and went home to lock myself in my room. I immediately dressed myself in +a short coat, after the fashion of travelling priests, I packed a few +things in a trunk, obtained some money from my grandmother, and took my +departure for Padua, where I intended to pass my third examination. I +reached Padua at midnight, and went to Doctor Gozzi's house, but I did +not feel the slightest temptation to mention to him my unlucky adventure. + +I remained in Padua long enough to prepare myself for the doctor's +degree, which I intended to take the following year, and after Easter I +returned to Venice, where my misfortune was already forgotten; but +preaching was out of the question, and when any attempt was made to +induce me to renew my efforts, I manfully kept to my determination never +to ascend the pulpit again. + +On the eve of Ascension Day M. Manzoni introduced me to a young +courtesan, who was at that time in great repute at Venice, and was +nick-named Cavamacchia, because her father had been a scourer. This named +vexed her a great deal, she wished to be called Preati, which was her +family name, but it was all in vain, and the only concession her friends +would make was to call her by her Christian name of Juliette. She had +been introduced to fashionable notice by the Marquis de Sanvitali, a +nobleman from Parma, who had given her one hundred thousand ducats for +her favours. Her beauty was then the talk of everybody in Venice, and it +was fashionable to call upon her. To converse with her, and especially to +be admitted into her circle, was considered a great boon. + +As I shall have to mention her several times in the course of my history, +my readers will, I trust, allow me to enter into some particulars about +her previous life. + +Juliette was only fourteen years of age when her father sent her one day +to the house of a Venetian nobleman, Marco Muazzo, with a coat which he +had cleaned for him. He thought her very beautiful in spite of the dirty +rags in which she was dressed, and he called to see her at her father's +shop, with a friend of his, the celebrated advocate, Bastien Uccelli, +who; struck by the romantic and cheerful nature of Juliette still more +than by her beauty and fine figure, gave her an apartment, made her study +music, and kept her as his mistress. At the time of the fair, Bastien +took her with him to various public places of resort; everywhere she +attracted general attention, and secured the admiration of every lover of +the sex. She made rapid progress in music, and at the end of six months +she felt sufficient confidence in herself to sign an engagement with a +theatrical manager who took her to Vienna to give her a 'castrato' part +in one of Metastasio's operas. + +The advocate had previously ceded her to a wealthy Jew who, after giving +her splendid diamonds, left her also. + +In Vienna, Juliette appeared on the stage, and her beauty gained for her +an admiration which she would never have conquered by her very inferior +talent. But the constant crowd of adorers who went to worship the +goddess, having sounded her exploits rather too loudly, the august +Maria-Theresa objected to this new creed being sanctioned in her capital, +and the beautiful actress received an order to quit Vienna forthwith. + +Count Spada offered her his protection, and brought her back to Venice, +but she soon left for Padua where she had an engagement. In that city she +kindled the fire of love in the breast of Marquis Sanvitali, but the +marchioness having caught her once in her own box, and Juliette having +acted disrespectfully to her, she slapped her face, and the affair having +caused a good deal of noise, Juliette gave up the stage altogether. She +came back to Venice, where, made conspicuous by her banishment from +Vienna, she could not fail to make her fortune. Expulsion from Vienna, +for this class of women, had become a title to fashionable favour, and +when there was a wish to depreciate a singer or a dancer, it was said of +her that she had not been sufficiently prized to be expelled from Vienna. + +After her return, her first lover was Steffano Querini de Papozzes, but +in the spring of 1740, the Marquis de Sanvitali came to Venice and soon +carried her off. It was indeed difficult to resist this delightful +marquis! His first present to the fair lady was a sum of one hundred +thousand ducats, and, to prevent his being accused of weakness or of +lavish prodigality, he loudly proclaimed that the present could scarcely +make up for the insult Juliette had received from his wife--an insult, +however, which the courtesan never admitted, as she felt that there would +be humiliation in such an acknowledgment, and she always professed to +admire with gratitude her lover's generosity. She was right; the +admission of the blow received would have left a stain upon her charms, +and how much more to her taste to allow those charms to be prized at such +a high figure! + +It was in the year 1741 that M. Manzoni introduced me to this new Phryne +as a young ecclesiastic who was beginning to make a reputation. I found +her surrounded by seven or eight well-seasoned admirers, who were burning +at her feet the incense of their flattery. She was carelessly reclining +on a sofa near Querini. I was much struck with her appearance. She eyed +me from head to foot, as if I had been exposed for sale, and telling me, +with the air of a princess, that she was not sorry to make my +acquaintance, she invited me to take a seat. I began then, in my turn, to +examine her closely and deliberately, and it was an easy matter, as the +room, although small, was lighted with at least twenty wax candles. + +Juliette was then in her eighteenth year; the freshness of her complexion +was dazzling, but the carnation tint of her cheeks, the vermilion of her +lips, and the dark, very narrow curve of her eyebrows, impressed me as +being produced by art rather than nature. Her teeth--two rows of +magnificent pearls--made one overlook the fact that her mouth was +somewhat too large, and whether from habit, or because she could not help +it, she seemed to be ever smiling. Her bosom, hid under a light gauze, +invited the desires of love; yet I did not surrender to her charms. Her +bracelets and the rings which covered her fingers did not prevent me from +noticing that her hand was too large and too fleshy, and in spite of her +carefully hiding her feet, I judged, by a telltale slipper lying close by +her dress, that they were well proportioned to the height of her +figure--a proportion which is unpleasant not only to the Chinese and +Spaniards, but likewise to every man of refined taste. We want a tall +women to have a small foot, and certainly it is not a modern taste, for +Holofernes of old was of the same opinion; otherwise he would not have +thought Judith so charming: 'et sandalid ejus rapuerunt oculos ejus'. +Altogether I found her beautiful, but when I compared her beauty and the +price of one hundred thousand ducats paid for it, I marvelled at my +remaining so cold, and at my not being tempted to give even one sequin +for the privilege of making from nature a study of the charms which her +dress concealed from my eyes. + +I had scarcely been there a quarter of an hour when the noise made by the +oars of a gondola striking the water heralded the prodigal marquis. We +all rose from our seats, and M. Querini hastened, somewhat blushing, to +quit his place on the sofa. M. de Sanvitali, a man of middle age, who had +travelled much, took a seat near Juliette, but not on the sofa, so she +was compelled to turn round. It gave me the opportunity of seeing her +full front, while I had before only a side view of her face. + +After my introduction to Juliette, I paid her four or five visits, and I +thought myself justified, by the care I had given to the examination of +her beauty, in saying in M. de Malipiero's draw-room, one evening, when +my opinion about her was asked, that she could please only a glutton with +depraved tastes; that she had neither the fascination of simple nature +nor any knowledge of society, that she was deficient in well-bred, easy +manners as well as in striking talents and that those were the qualities +which a thorough gentleman liked to find in a woman. This opinion met the +general approbation of his friends, but M. de Malipiero kindly whispered +to me that Juliette would certainly be informed of the portrait I had +drawn of her, and that she would become my sworn enemy. He had guessed +rightly. + +I thought Juliette very singular, for she seldom spoke to me, and +whenever she looked at me she made use of an eye-glass, or she contracted +her eye-lids, as if she wished to deny me the honour of seeing her eyes, +which were beyond all dispute very beautiful. They were blue, wondrously +large and full, and tinted with that unfathomable variegated iris which +nature only gives to youth, and which generally disappears, after having +worked miracles, when the owner reaches the shady side of forty. +Frederick the Great preserved it until his death. + +Juliette was informed of the portrait I had given of her to M. de +Malipiero's friends by the indiscreet pensioner, Xavier Cortantini. One +evening I called upon her with M. Manzoni, and she told him that a +wonderful judge of beauty had found flaws in hers, but she took good care +not to specify them. It was not difficult to make out that she was +indirectly firing at me, and I prepared myself for the ostracism which I +was expecting, but which, however, she kept in abeyance fully for an +hour. At last, our conversation falling upon a concert given a few days +before by Imer, the actor, and in which his daughter, Therese, had taken +a brilliant part, Juliette turned round to me and inquired what M. de +Malipiero did for Therese. I said that he was educating her. "He can well +do it," she answered, "for he is a man of talent; but I should like to +know what he can do with you?" + +"Whatever he can." + +"I am told that he thinks you rather stupid." + +As a matter of course, she had the laugh on her side, and I, confused, +uncomfortable and not knowing what to say, took leave after having cut a +very sorry figure, and determined never again to darken her door. The +next day at dinner the account of my adventure caused much amusement to +the old senator. + +Throughout the summer, I carried on a course of Platonic love with my +charming Angela at the house of her teacher of embroidery, but her +extreme reserve excited me, and my love had almost become a torment to +myself. With my ardent nature, I required a mistress like Bettina, who +knew how to satisfy my love without wearing it out. I still retained some +feelings of purity, and I entertained the deepest veneration for Angela. +She was in my eyes the very palladium of Cecrops. Still very innocent, I +felt some disinclination towards women, and I was simple enough to be +jealous of even their husbands. + +Angela would not grant me the slightest favour, yet she was no flirt; but +the fire beginning in me parched and withered me. The pathetic entreaties +which I poured out of my heart had less effect upon her than upon two +young sisters, her companions and friends: had I not concentrated every +look of mine upon the heartless girl, I might have discovered that her +friends excelled her in beauty and in feeling, but my prejudiced eyes saw +no one but Angela. To every outpouring of my love she answered that she +was quite ready to become my wife, and that such was to be the limit of +my wishes; when she condescended to add that she suffered as much as I +did myself, she thought she had bestowed upon me the greatest of favours. + +Such was the state of my mind, when, in the first days of autumn, I +received a letter from the Countess de Mont-Real with an invitation to +spend some time at her beautiful estate at Pasean. She expected many +guests, and among them her own daughter, who had married a Venetian +nobleman, and who had a great reputation for wit and beauty, although she +had but one eye; but it was so beautiful that it made up for the loss of +the other. I accepted the invitation, and Pasean offering me a constant +round of pleasures, it was easy enough for me to enjoy myself, and to +forget for the time the rigours of the cruel Angela. + +I was given a pretty room on the ground floor, opening upon the gardens +of Pasean, and I enjoyed its comforts without caring to know who my +neighbours were. + +The morning after my arrival, at the very moment I awoke, my eyes were +delighted with the sight of the charming creature who brought me my +coffee. She was a very young girl, but as well formed as a young person +of seventeen; yet she had scarcely completed her fourteenth year. The +snow of her complexion, her hair as dark as the raven's wing, her black +eyes beaming with fire and innocence, her dress composed only of a +chemise and a short petticoat which exposed a well-turned leg and the +prettiest tiny foot, every detail I gathered in one instant presented to +my looks the most original and the most perfect beauty I had ever beheld. +I looked at her with the greatest pleasure, and her eyes rested upon me +as if we had been old acquaintances. + +"How did you find your bed?" she asked. + +"Very comfortable; I am sure you made it. Pray, who are you?" + +"I am Lucie, the daughter of the gate-keeper: I have neither brothers nor +sisters, and I am fourteen years old. I am very glad you have no servant +with you; I will be your little maid, and I am sure you will be pleased +with me." + +Delighted at this beginning, I sat up in my bed and she helped me to put +on my dressing-gown, saying a hundred things which I did not understand. +I began to drink my coffee, quite amazed at her easy freedom, and struck +with her beauty, to which it would have been impossible to remain +indifferent. She had seated herself on my bed, giving no other apology +for that liberty than the most delightful smile. + +I was still sipping my coffee, when Lucie's parents came into my room. +She did not move from her place on the bed, but she looked at them, +appearing very proud of such a seat. The good people kindly scolded her, +begged my forgiveness in her favour, and Lucie left the room to attend to +her other duties. The moment she had gone her father and mother began to +praise their daughter. + +"She is," they said, "our only child, our darling pet, the hope of our +old age. She loves and obeys us, and fears God; she is as clean as a new +pin, and has but one fault." + +"What is that?" + +"She is too young." + +"That is a charming fault which time will mend." + +I was not long in ascertaining that they were living specimens of +honesty, of truth, of homely virtues, and of real happiness. I was +delighted at this discovery, when Lucie returned as gay as a lark, +prettily dressed, her hair done in a peculiar way of her own, and with +well-fitting shoes. She dropped a simple courtesy before me, gave a +couple of hearty kisses to both her parents, and jumped on her father +knees. I asked her to come and sit on my bed, but she answered that she +could not take such a liberty now that she was dressed, The simplicity, +artlessness, and innocence of the answer seemed to me very enchanting, +and brought a smile on my lips. I examined her to see whether she was +prettier in her new dress or in the morning's negligee, and I decided in +favour of the latter. To speak the truth, Lucie was, I thought, superior +in everything, not only to Angela, but even to Bettina. + +The hair-dresser made his appearance, and the honest family left my room. +When I was dressed I went to meet the countess and her amiable daughter. +The day passed off very pleasantly, as is generally the case in the +country, when you are amongst agreeable people. + +In the morning, the moment my eyes were opened, + +I rang the bell, and pretty Lucie came in, simple and natural as before, +with her easy manners and wonderful remarks. Her candour, her innocence +shone brilliantly all over her person. I could not conceive how, with her +goodness, her virtue and her intelligence, she could run the risk of +exciting me by coming into my room alone, and with so much familiarity. I +fancied that she would not attach much importance to certain slight +liberties, and would not prove over-scrupulous, and with that idea I made +up my mind to shew her that I fully understood her. I felt no remorse of +conscience on the score of her parents, who, in my estimation, were as +careless as herself; I had no dread of being the first to give the alarm +to her innocence, or to enlighten her mind with the gloomy light of +malice, but, unwilling either to be the dupe of feeling or to act against +it, I resolved to reconnoitre the ground. I extend a daring hand towards +her person, and by an involuntary movement she withdraws, blushes, her +cheerfulness disappears, and, turning her head aside as if she were in +search of something, she waits until her agitation has subsided. The +whole affair had not lasted one minute. She came back, abashed at the +idea that she had proved herself rather knowing, and at the dread of +having perhaps given a wrong interpretation to an action which might have +been, on my part, perfectly innocent, or the result of politeness. Her +natural laugh soon returned, and, having rapidly read in her mind all I +have just described, I lost no time in restoring her confidence, and, +judging that I would venture too much by active operations, I resolved to +employ the following morning in a friendly chat during which I could make +her out better. + +In pursuance of that plan, the next morning, as we were talking, I told +her that it was cold, but that she would not feel it if she would lie +down near me. + +"Shall I disturb you?" she said. + +"No; but I am thinking that if your mother happened to come in, she would +be angry." + +"Mother would not think of any harm." + +"Come, then. But Lucie, do you know what danger you are exposing yourself +to?" + +"Certainly I do; but you are good, and, what is more, you are a priest." + +"Come; only lock the door." + +"No, no, for people might think.... I do not know what." She laid down +close by me, and kept on her chatting, although I did not understand a +word of what she said, for in that singular position, and unwilling to +give way to my ardent desires, I remained as still as a log. + +Her confidence in her safety, confidence which was certainly not feigned, +worked upon my feelings to such an extent that I would have been ashamed +to take any advantage of it. At last she told me that nine o'clock had +struck, and that if old Count Antonio found us as we were, he would tease +her with his jokes. "When I see that man," she said, "I am afraid and I +run away." Saying these words, she rose from the bed and left the room. + +I remained motionless for a long while, stupefied, benumbed, and mastered +by the agitation of my excited senses as well as by my thoughts. The next +morning, as I wished to keep calm, I only let her sit down on my bed, and +the conversation I had with her proved without the shadow of a doubt that +her parents had every reason to idolize her, and that the easy freedom of +her mind as well as of her behaviour with me was entirely owing to her +innocence and to her purity. Her artlessness, her vivacity, her eager +curiosity, and the bashful blushes which spread over her face whenever +her innocent or jesting remarks caused me to laugh, everything, in fact, +convinced me that she was an angel destined to become the victim of the +first libertine who would undertake to seduce her. I felt sufficient +control over my own feelings to resist any attempt against her virtue +which my conscience might afterwards reproach me with. The mere thought +of taking advantage of her innocence made me shudder, and my self-esteem +was a guarantee to her parents, who abandoned her to me on the strength +of the good opinion they entertained of me, that Lucie's honour was safe +in my hands. I thought I would have despised myself if I had betrayed the +trust they reposed in me. I therefore determined to conquer my feelings, +and, with perfect confidence in the victory, I made up my mind to wage +war against myself, and to be satisfied with her presence as the only +reward of my heroic efforts. I was not yet acquainted with the axiom that +"as long as the fighting lasts, victory remains uncertain." + +As I enjoyed her conversation much, a natural instinct prompted me to +tell her that she would afford me great pleasure if she could come +earlier in the morning, and even wake me up if I happened to be asleep, +adding, in order to give more weight to my request, that the less I slept +the better I felt in health. In this manner I contrived to spend three +hours instead of two in her society, although this cunning contrivance of +mine did not prevent the hours flying, at least in my opinion, as swift +as lightning. + +Her mother would often come in as we were talking, and when the good +woman found her sitting on my bed she would say nothing, only wondering +at my kindness. Lucie would then cover her with kisses, and the kind old +soul would entreat me to give her child lessons of goodness, and to +cultivate her mind; but when she had left us Lucie did not think herself +more unrestrained, and whether in or out of her mother's presence, she +was always the same without the slightest change. + +If the society of this angelic child afforded me the sweetest delight, it +also caused me the most cruel suffering. Often, very often, when her face +was close to my lips, I felt the most ardent temptation to smother her +with kisses, and my blood was at fever heat when she wished that she had +been a sister of mine. But I kept sufficient command over myself to avoid +the slightest contact, for I was conscious that even one kiss would have +been the spark which would have blown up all the edifice of my reserve. +Every time she left me I remained astounded at my own victory, but, +always eager to win fresh laurels, I longed for the following morning, +panting for a renewal of this sweet yet very dangerous contest. + +At the end of ten or twelve days, I felt that there was no alternative +but to put a stop to this state of things, or to become a monster in my +own eyes; and I decided for the moral side of the question all the more +easily that nothing insured me success, if I chose the second +alternative. The moment I placed her under the obligation to defend +herself Lucie would become a heroine, and the door of my room being open, +I might have been exposed to shame and to a very useless repentance. This +rather frightened me. Yet, to put an end to my torture, I did not know +what to decide. I could no longer resist the effect made upon my senses +by this beautiful girl, who, at the break of day and scarcely dressed, +ran gaily into my room, came to my bed enquiring how I had slept, bent +familiarly her head towards me, and, so to speak, dropped her words on my +lips. In those dangerous moments I would turn my head aside; but in her +innocence she would reproach me for being afraid when she felt herself so +safe, and if I answered that I could not possibly fear a child, she would +reply that a difference of two years was of no account. + +Standing at bay, exhausted, conscious that every instant increased the +ardour which was devouring me, I resolved to entreat from herself the +discontinuance of her visits, and this resolution appeared to me sublime +and infallible; but having postponed its execution until the following +morning, I passed a dreadful night, tortured by the image of Lucie, and +by the idea that I would see her in the morning for the last time. I +fancied that Lucie would not only grant my prayer, but that she would +conceive for me the highest esteem. In the morning, it was barely +day-light, Lucie beaming, radiant with beauty, a happy smile brightening +her pretty mouth, and her splendid hair in the most fascinating disorder, +bursts into my room, and rushes with open arms towards my bed; but when +she sees my pale, dejected, and unhappy countenance, she stops short, and +her beautiful face taking an expression of sadness and anxiety: + +"What ails you?" she asks, with deep sympathy. + +"I have had no sleep through the night:" + +"And why?" + +"Because I have made up my mind to impart to you a project which, +although fraught with misery to myself, will at least secure me your +esteem." + +"But if your project is to insure my esteem it ought to make you very +cheerful. Only tell me, reverend sir, why, after calling me 'thou' +yesterday, you treat me today respectfully, like a lady? What have I +done? I will get your coffee, and you must tell me everything after you +have drunk it; I long to hear you." + +She goes and returns, I drink the coffee, and seeing that my countenance +remains grave she tries to enliven me, contrives to make me smile, and +claps her hands for joy. After putting everything in order, she closes +the door because the wind is high, and in her anxiety not to lose one +word of what I have to say, she entreats artlessly a little place near +me. I cannot refuse her, for I feel almost lifeless. + +I then begin a faithful recital of the fearful state in which her beauty +has thrown me, and a vivid picture of all the suffering I have +experienced in trying to master my ardent wish to give her some proof of +my love; I explain to her that, unable to endure such torture any longer, +I see no other safety but in entreating her not to see me any more. The +importance of the subject, the truth of my love, my wish to present my +expedient in the light of the heroic effort of a deep and virtuous +passion, lend me a peculiar eloquence. I endeavour above all to make her +realize the fearful consequences which might follow a course different to +the one I was proposing, and how miserable we might be. + +At the close of my long discourse Lucie, seeing my eyes wet with tears, +throws off the bed-clothes to wipe them, without thinking that in so +doing she uncovers two globes, the beauty of which might have caused the +wreck of the most experienced pilot. After a short silence, the charming +child tells me that my tears make her very unhappy, and that she had +never supposed that she could cause them. + +"All you have just told me," she added, "proves the sincerity of your +great love for me, but I cannot imagine why you should be in such dread +of a feeling which affords me the most intense pleasure. You wish to +banish me from your presence because you stand in fear of your love, but +what would you do if you hated me? Am I guilty because I have pleased +you? If it is a crime to have won your affection, I can assure you that I +did not think I was committing a criminal action, and therefore you +cannot conscientiously punish me. Yet I cannot conceal the truth; I am +very happy to be loved by you. As for the danger we run, when we love, +danger which I can understand, we can set it at defiance, if we choose, +and I wonder at my not fearing it, ignorant as I am, while you, a learned +man, think it so terrible. I am astonished that love, which is not a +disease, should have made you ill, and that it should have exactly the +opposite effect upon me. Is it possible that I am mistaken, and that my +feeling towards you should not be love? You saw me very cheerful when I +came in this morning; it is because I have been dreaming all night, but +my dreams did not keep me awake; only several times I woke up to +ascertain whether my dream was true, for I thought I was near you; and +every time, finding that it was not so, I quickly went to sleep again in +the hope of continuing my happy dream, and every time I succeeded. After +such a night, was it not natural for me to be cheerful this morning? My +dear abbe, if love is a torment for you I am very sorry, but would it be +possible for you to live without love? I will do anything you order me to +do, but, even if your cure depended upon it, I would not cease to love +you, for that would be impossible. Yet if to heal your sufferings it +should be necessary for you to love me no more, you must do your utmost +to succeed, for I would much rather see you alive without love, than dead +for having loved too much. Only try to find some other plan, for the one +you have proposed makes me very miserable. Think of it, there may be some +other way which will be less painful. Suggest one more practicable, and +depend upon Lucie's obedience." + +These words, so true, so artless, so innocent, made me realize the +immense superiority of nature's eloquence over that of philosophical +intellect. For the first time I folded this angelic being in my arms, +exclaiming, "Yes, dearest Lucie, yes, thou hast it in thy power to afford +the sweetest relief to my devouring pain; abandon to my ardent kisses thy +divine lips which have just assured me of thy love." + +An hour passed in the most delightful silence, which nothing interrupted +except these words murmured now and then by Lucie, "Oh, God! is it true? +is it not a dream?" Yet I respected her innocence, and the more readily +that she abandoned herself entirely and without the slightest resistance. +At last, extricating herself gently from my arms, she said, with some +uneasiness, "My heart begins to speak, I must go;" and she instantly +rose. Having somewhat rearranged her dress she sat down, and her mother, +coming in at that moment, complimented me upon my good looks and my +bright countenance, and told Lucie to dress herself to attend mass. Lucie +came back an hour later, and expressed her joy and her pride at the +wonderful cure she thought she had performed upon me, for the healthy +appearance I was then shewing convinced her of my love much better than +the pitiful state in which she had found me in the morning. "If your +complete happiness," she said, "rests in my power, be happy; there is +nothing that I can refuse you." + +The moment she left me, still wavering between happiness and fear, I +understood that I was standing on the very brink of the abyss, and that +nothing but a most extraordinary determination could prevent me from +falling headlong into it. + +I remained at Pasean until the end of September, and the last eleven +nights of my stay were passed in the undisturbed possession of Lucie, +who, secure in her mother's profound sleep, came to my room to enjoy in +my arms the most delicious hours. The burning ardour of my love was +increased by the abstinence to which I condemned myself, although Lucie +did everything in her power to make me break through my determination. +She could not fully enjoy the sweetness of the forbidden fruit unless I +plucked it without reserve, and the effect produced by our constantly +lying in each other's arms was too strong for a young girl to resist. She +tried everything she could to deceive me, and to make me believe that I +had already, and in reality, gathered the whole flower, but Bettina's +lessons had been too efficient to allow me to go on a wrong scent, and I +reached the end of my stay without yielding entirely to the temptation +she so fondly threw in my way. I promised her to return in the spring; +our farewell was tender and very sad, and I left her in a state of mind +and of body which must have been the cause of her misfortunes, which, +twenty years after, I had occasion to reproach myself with in Holland, +and which will ever remain upon my conscience. + +A few days after my return to Venice, I had fallen back into all my old +habits, and resumed my courtship of Angela in the hope that I would +obtain from her, at least, as much as Lucie had granted to me. A certain +dread which to-day I can no longer trace in my nature, a sort of terror +of the consequences which might have a blighting influence upon my +future, prevented me from giving myself up to complete enjoyment. I do +not know whether I have ever been a truly honest man, but I am fully +aware that the feelings I fostered in my youth were by far more upright +than those I have, as I lived on, forced myself to accept. A wicked +philosophy throws down too many of these barriers which we call +prejudices. + +The two sisters who were sharing Angela's embroidery lessons were her +intimate friends and the confidantes of all her secrets. I made their +acquaintance, and found that they disapproved of her extreme reserve +towards me. As I usually saw them with Angela and knew their intimacy +with her, I would, when I happened to meet them alone, tell them all my +sorrows, and, thinking only of my cruel sweetheart, I never was conceited +enough to propose that these young girls might fall in love with me; but +I often ventured to speak to them with all the blazing inspiration which +was burning in me--a liberty I would not have dared to take in the +presence of her whom I loved. True love always begets reserve; we fear to +be accused of exaggeration if we should give utterance to feelings +inspired, by passion, and the modest lover, in his dread of saying too +much, very often says too little. + +The teacher of embroidery, an old bigot, who at first appeared not to +mind the attachment I skewed for Angela, got tired at last of my too +frequent visits, and mentioned them to the abbe, the uncle of my fair +lady. He told me kindly one day that I ought not to call at that house so +often, as my constant visits might be wrongly construed, and prove +detrimental to the reputation of his niece. His words fell upon me like a +thunder-bolt, but I mastered my feelings sufficiently to leave him +without incurring any suspicion, and I promised to follow his good +advice. + +Three or four days afterwards, I paid a visit to the teacher of +embroidery, and, to make her believe that my visit was only intended for +her, I did not stop one instant near the young girls; yet I contrived to +slip in the hand of the eldest of the two sisters a note enclosing +another for my dear Angela, in which I explained why I had been compelled +to discontinue my visits, entreating her to devise some means by which I +could enjoy the happiness of seeing her and of conversing with her. In my +note to Nanette, I only begged her to give my letter to her friend, +adding that I would see them again the day after the morrow, and that I +trusted to her to find an opportunity for delivering me the answer. She +managed it all very cleverly, and, when I renewed my visit two days +afterwards, she gave me a letter without attracting the attention of +anyone. Nanette's letter enclosed a very short note from Angela, who, +disliking letter-writing, merely advised me to follow, if I could, the +plan proposed by her friend. Here is the copy of the letter written by +Nanette, which I have always kept, as well as all other letters which I +give in these Memoirs: + +"There is nothing in the world, reverend sir, that I would not readily do +for my friend. She visits at our house every holiday, has supper with us, +and sleeps under our roof. I will suggest the best way for you to make +the acquaintance of Madame Orio, our aunt; but, if you obtain an +introduction to her, you must be very careful not to let her suspect your +preference for Angela, for our aunt would certainly object to her house +being made a place of rendezvous to facilitate your interviews with a +stranger to her family. Now for the plan I propose, and in the execution +of which I will give you every assistance in my power. Madame Orio, +although a woman of good station in life, is not wealthy, and she wishes +to have her name entered on the list of noble widows who receive the +bounties bestowed by the Confraternity of the Holy Sacrament, of which M. +de Malipiero is president. Last Sunday, Angela mentioned that you are in +the good graces of that nobleman, and that the best way to obtain his +patronage would be to ask you to entreat it in her behalf. The foolish +girl added that you were smitten with me, that all your visits to our +mistress of embroidery were made for my special benefit and for the sake +of entertaining me, and that I would find it a very easy task to interest +you in her favour. My aunt answered that, as you are a priest, there was +no fear of any harm, and she told me to write to you with an invitation +to call on her; I refused. The procurator Rosa, who is a great favourite +of my aunt's, was present; he approved of my refusal, saying that the +letter ought to be written by her and not by me, that it was for my aunt +to beg the honour of your visit on business of real importance, and that, +if there was any truth in the report of your love for me, you would not +fail to come. My aunt, by his advice, has therefore written the letter +which you will find at your house. If you wish to meet Angela, postpone +your visit to us until next Sunday. Should you succeed in obtaining M. de +Malipiero's good will in favour of my aunt, you will become the pet of +the household, but you must forgive me if I appear to treat you with +coolness, for I have said that I do not like you. I would advise you to +make love to my aunt, who is sixty years of age; M. Rosa will not be +jealous, and you will become dear to everyone. For my part, I will manage +for you an opportunity for some private conversation with Angela, and I +will do anything to convince you of my friendship. Adieu." + +This plan appeared to me very well conceived, and, having the same +evening received Madame Orio's letter, I called upon her on the following +day, Sunday. I was welcomed in a very friendly manner, and the lady, +entreating me to exert in her behalf my influence with M. de Malipiero, +entrusted me with all the papers which I might require to succeed. I +undertook to do my utmost, and I took care to address only a few words to +Angela, but I directed all my gallant attentions to Nanette, who treated +me as coolly as could be. Finally, I won the friendship of the old +procurator Rosa, who, in after years, was of some service to me. + +I had so much at stake in the success of Madame Orio's petition, that I +thought of nothing else, and knowing all the power of the beautiful +Therese Imer over our amorous senator, who would be but too happy to +please her in anything, I determined to call upon her the next day, and I +went straight to her room without being announced. I found her alone with +the physician Doro, who, feigning to be on a professional visit, wrote a +prescription, felt her pulse, and went off. This Doro was suspected of +being in love with Therese; M. de Malipiero, who was jealous, had +forbidden Therese to receive his visits, and she had promised to obey +him. She knew that I was acquainted with those circumstances, and my +presence was evidently unpleasant to her, for she had certainly no wish +that the old man should hear how she kept her promise. I thought that no +better opportunity could be found of obtaining from her everything I +wished. + +I told her in a few words the object of my visit, and I took care to add +that she could rely upon my discretion, and that I would not for the +world do her any injury. Therese, grateful for this assurance, answered +that she rejoiced at finding an occasion to oblige me, and, asking me to +give her the papers of my protege, she shewed me the certificates and +testimonials of another lady in favour of whom she had undertaken to +speak, and whom, she said, she would sacrifice to the person in whose +behalf I felt interested. She kept her word, for the very next day she +placed in my hands the brevet, signed by his excellency as president of +the confraternity. For the present, and with the expectation of further +favours, Madame Orio's name was put down to share the bounties which were +distributed twice a year. + +Nanette and her sister Marton were the orphan daughters of a sister of +Madame Orio. All the fortune of the good lady consisted in the house +which was her dwelling, the first floor being let, and in a pension given +to her by her brother, member of the council of ten. She lived alone with +her two charming nieces, the eldest sixteen, and the youngest fifteen +years of age. She kept no servant, and only employed an old woman, who, +for one crown a month, fetched water, and did the rough work. Her only +friend was the procurator Rosa; he had, like her, reached his sixtieth +year, and expected to marry her as soon as he should become a widower. + +The two sisters slept together on the third floor in a large bed, which +was likewise shared by Angela every Sunday. + +As soon as I found myself in possession of the deed for Madame Orio, I +hastened to pay a visit to the mistress of embroidery, in order to find +an opportunity of acquainting Nanette with my success, and in a short +note which I prepared, I informed her that in two days I would call to +give the brevet to Madame Orio, and I begged her earnestly not to forget +her promise to contrive a private interview with my dear Angela. + +When I arrived, on the appointed day, at Madame Orio's house, Nanette, +who had watched for my coming, dexterously conveyed to my hand a billet, +requesting me to find a moment to read it before leaving the house. I +found Madame Orio, Angela, the old procurator, and Marton in the room. +Longing to read the note, I refused the seat offered to me, and +presenting to Madame Orio the deed she had so long desired, I asked, as +my only reward, the pleasure of kissing her hand, giving her to +understand that I wanted to leave the room immediately. + +"Oh, my dear abbe!" said the lady, "you shall have a kiss, but not on my +hand, and no one can object to it, as I am thirty years older than you." + +She might have said forty-five without going much astray. I gave her two +kisses, which evidently satisfied her, for she desired me to perform the +same ceremony with her nieces, but they both ran away, and Angela alone +stood the brunt of my hardihood. After this the widow asked me to sit +down. + +"I cannot, Madame." + +"Why, I beg?" + +"I have--." + +"I understand. Nanette, shew the way." + +"Dear aunt, excuse me." + +"Well, then, Marton." + +"Oh! dear aunt, why do you not insist upon my sister obeying your +orders?" + +"Alas! madame, these young ladies are quite right. Allow me to retire." + +"No, my dear abbe, my nieces are very foolish; M. Rosa, I am sure, will +kindly." + +The good procurator takes me affectionately by the hand, and leads me to +the third story, where he leaves me. The moment I am alone I open my +letter, and I read the following: + +"My aunt will invite you to supper; do not accept. Go away as soon as we +sit down to table, and Marton will escort you as far as the street door, +but do not leave the house. When the street door is closed again, +everyone thinking you are gone, go upstairs in the dark as far as the +third floor, where you must wait for us. We will come up the moment M. +Rosa has left the house, and our aunt has gone to bed. Angela will be at +liberty to grant you throughout the night a tete-a-tete which, I trust, +will prove a happy one." + +Oh! what joy-what gratitude for the lucky chance which allowed me to read +this letter on the very spot where I was to expect the dear abject of my +love! Certain of finding my way without the slightest difficulty, I +returned to Madame Orio's sitting-room, overwhelmed with happiness. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +An Unlucky Night I Fall in Love with the Two Sisters, and Forget +Angela--A Ball at My House--Juliette's Humiliation--My Return to +Pasian--Lucie's Misfortune--A Propitious Storm + +On my reappearance, Madame Orio told me, with many heart-felt thanks, +that I must for the future consider myself as a privileged and welcome +friend, and the evening passed off very pleasantly. As the hour for +supper drew near, I excused myself so well that Madame Orio could not +insist upon my accepting her invitation to stay. Marton rose to light me +out of the room, but her aunt, believing Nanette to be my favourite, gave +her such an imperative order to accompany me that she was compelled to +obey. She went down the stairs rapidly, opened and closed the street door +very noisily, and putting her light out, she reentered the sitting room, +leaving me in darkness. I went upstairs softly: when I reached the third +landing I found the chamber of the two sisters, and, throwing myself upon +a sofa, I waited patiently for the rising of the star of my happiness. An +hour passed amidst the sweetest dreams of my imagination; at last I hear +the noise of the street door opening and closing, and, a few minutes +after, the two sisters come in with my Angela. I draw her towards me, and +caring for nobody else, I keep up for two full hours my conversation with +her. The clock strikes midnight; I am pitied for having gone so late +supperless, but I am shocked at such an idea; I answer that, with such +happiness as I am enjoying, I can suffer from no human want. I am told +that I am a prisoner, that the key of the house door is under the aunt's +pillow, and that it is opened only by herself as she goes in the morning +to the first mass. I wonder at my young friends imagining that such news +can be anything but delightful to me. I express all my joy at the +certainty of passing the next five hours with the beloved mistress of my +heart. Another hour is spent, when suddenly Nanette begins to laugh, +Angela wants to know the reason, and Marton whispering a few words to +her, they both laugh likewise. This puzzles me. In my turn, I want to +know what causes this general laughter, and at last Nanette, putting on +an air of anxiety, tells me that they have no more candle, and that in a +few minutes we shall be in the dark. This is a piece of news particularly +agreeable to me, but I do not let my satisfaction appear on my +countenance, and saying how truly I am sorry for their sake, I propose +that they should go to bed and sleep quietly under my respectful +guardianship. My proposal increases their merriment. + +"What can we do in the dark?" + +"We can talk." + +We were four; for the last three hours we had been talking, and I was the +hero of the romance. Love is a great poet, its resources are +inexhaustible, but if the end it has in view is not obtained, it feels +weary and remains silent. My Angela listened willingly, but little +disposed to talk herself, she seldom answered, and she displayed good +sense rather than wit. To weaken the force of my arguments, she was often +satisfied with hurling at me a proverb, somewhat in the fashion of the +Romans throwing the catapult. Every time that my poor hands came to the +assistance of love, she drew herself back or repulsed me. Yet, in spite +of all, I went on talking and using my hands without losing courage, but +I gave myself up to despair when I found that my rather artful arguing +astounded her without bringing conviction to her heart, which was only +disquieted, never softened. On the other hand, I could see with +astonishment upon their countenances the impression made upon the two +sisters by the ardent speeches I poured out to Angela. This metaphysical +curve struck me as unnatural, it ought to have been an angle; I was then, +unhappily for myself, studying geometry. I was in such a state that, +notwithstanding the cold, I was perspiring profusely. At last the light +was nearly out, and Nanette took it away. + +The moment we were in the dark, I very naturally extended my arms to +seize her whom I loved; but I only met with empty space, and I could not +help laughing at the rapidity with which Angela had availed herself of +the opportunity of escaping me. For one full hour I poured out all the +tender, cheerful words that love inspired me with, to persuade her to +come back to me; I could only suppose that it was a joke to tease me. But +I became impatient. + +"The joke," I said, "has lasted long enough; it is foolish, as I could +not run after you, and I am surprised to hear you laugh, for your strange +conduct leads me to suppose that you are making fun of me. Come and take +your seat near me, and if I must speak to you without seeing you let my +hands assure me that I am not addressing my words to the empty air. To +continue this game would be an insult to me, and my love does not deserve +such a return." + +"Well, be calm. I will listen to every word you may say, but you must +feel that it would not be decent for me to place myself near you in this +dark room." + +"Do you want me to stand where I am until morning?" + +"Lie down on the bed, and go to sleep." + +"In wonder, indeed, at your thinking me capable of doing so in the state +I am in. Well, I suppose we must play at blind man's buff." + +Thereupon, I began to feel right and left, everywhere, but in vain. +Whenever I caught anyone it always turned out to be Nanette or Marton, +who at once discovered themselves, and I, stupid Don Quixote, instantly +would let them go! Love and prejudice blinded me, I could not see how +ridiculous I was with my respectful reserve. I had not yet read the +anecdotes of Louis XIII, king of France, but I had read Boccacio. I kept +on seeking in vain, reproaching her with her cruelty, and entreating her +to let me catch her; but she would only answer that the difficulty of +meeting each other was mutual. The room was not large, and I was enraged +at my want of success. + +Tired and still more vexed, I sat down, and for the next hour I told the +history of Roger, when Angelica disappears through the power of the magic +ring which the loving knight had so imprudently given her: + + 'Cosi dicendo, intorno a la fortuna + Brancolando n'andava come cieco. + O quante volte abbraccio l'aria vana + Speyando la donzella abbracciar seco'. + +Angela had not read Ariosto, but Nanette had done so several times. She +undertook the defence of Angelica, and blamed the simplicity of Roger, +who, if he had been wise, would never have trusted the ring to a +coquette. I was delighted with Nanette, but I was yet too much of a +novice to apply her remarks to myself. + +Only one more hour remained, and I was to leave before the break of day, +for Madame Orio would have died rather than give way to the temptation of +missing the early mass. During that hour I spoke to Angela, trying to +convince her that she ought to come and sit by me. My soul went through +every gradation of hope and despair, and the reader cannot possibly +realize it unless he has been placed in a similar position. I exhausted +the most convincing arguments; then I had recourse to prayers, and even +to tears; but, seeing all was useless, I gave way to that feeling of +noble indignation which lends dignity to anger. Had I not been in the +dark, I might, I truly believe, have struck the proud monster, the cruel +girl, who had thus for five hours condemned me to the most distressing +suffering. I poured out all the abuse, all the insulting words that +despised love can suggest to an infuriated mind; I loaded her with the +deepest curses; I swore that my love had entirely turned into hatred, +and, as a finale, I advised her to be careful, as I would kill her the +moment I would set my eyes on her. + +My invectives came to an end with the darkness. At the first break of +day, and as soon as I heard the noise made by the bolt and the key of the +street door, which Madame Orio was opening to let herself out, that she +might seek in the church the repose of which her pious soul was in need, +I got myself ready and looked for my cloak and for my hat. But how can I +ever portray the consternation in which I was thrown when, casting a sly +glance upon the young friends, I found the three bathed in tears! In my +shame and despair I thought of committing suicide, and sitting down +again, I recollected my brutal speeches, and upbraided myself for having +wantonly caused them to weep. I could not say one word; I felt choking; +at last tears came to my assistance, and I gave way to a fit of crying +which relieved me. Nanette then remarked that her aunt would soon return +home; I dried my eyes, and, not venturing another look at Angela or at +her friends, I ran away without uttering a word, and threw myself on my +bed, where sleep would not visit my troubled mind. + +At noon, M. de Malipiero, noticing the change in my countenance, enquired +what ailed me, and longing to unburden my heart, I told him all that had +happened. The wise old man did not laugh at my sorrow, but by his +sensible advice he managed to console me and to give me courage. He was +in the same predicament with the beautiful Therese. Yet he could not help +giving way to his merriment when at dinner he saw me, in spite of my +grief, eat with increased appetite; I had gone without my supper the +night before; he complimented me upon my happy constitution. + +I was determined never to visit Madame Orio's house, and on that very day +I held an argument in metaphysics, in which I contended that any being of +whom we had only an abstract idea, could only exist abstractedly, and I +was right; but it was a very easy task to give to my thesis an +irreligious turn, and I was obliged to recant. A few days afterwards I +went to Padua, where I took my degree of doctor 'utroque jure'. + +When I returned to Venice, I received a note from M. Rosa, who entreated +me to call upon Madame Orio; she wished to see me, and, feeling certain +of not meeting Angela, I paid her a visit the same evening. The two +graceful sisters were so kind, so pleasant, that they scattered to the +winds the shame I felt at seeing them after the fearful night I had +passed in their room two months before. The labours of writing my thesis +and passing my examination were of course sufficient excuses for Madame +Orio, who only wanted to reproach me for having remained so long away +from her house. + +As I left, Nanette gave me a letter containing a note from Angela, the +contents of which ran as follows: + +"If you are not afraid of passing another night with me you shall have no +reason to complain of me, for I love you, and I wish to hear from your +own lips whether you would still have loved me if I had consented to +become contemptible in your eyes." + +This is the letter of Nanette, who alone had her wits about her: + +"M. Rosa having undertaken to bring you back to our house, I prepare +these few lines to let you know that Angela is in despair at having lost +you. I confess that the night you spent with us was a cruel one, but I do +not think that you did rightly in giving up your visits to Madame Orio. +If you still feel any love for Angela, I advise you to take your chances +once more. Accept a rendezvous for another night; she may vindicate +herself, and you will be happy. Believe me; come. Farewell!" + +Those two letters afforded me much gratification, for I had it in my +power to enjoy my revenge by shewing to Angela the coldest contempt. +Therefore, on the following Sunday I went to Madame Orio's house, having +provided myself with a smoked tongue and a couple of bottles of Cyprus +wine; but to my great surprise my cruel mistress was not there. Nanette +told me that she had met her at church in the morning, and that she would +not be able to come before supper-time. Trusting to that promise I +declined Madam Orio's invitation, and before the family sat down to +supper I left the room as I had done on the former occasion, and slipped +upstairs. I longed to represent the character I had prepared myself for, +and feeling assured that Angela, even if she should prove less cruel, +would only grant me insignificant favours, I despised them in +anticipation, and resolved to be avenged. + +After waiting three quarters of an hour the street door was locked, and a +moment later Nanette and Marton entered the room. + +"Where is Angela?" I enquired. + +"She must have been unable to come, or to send a message. Yet she knows +you are here." + +"She thinks she has made a fool of me; but I suspected she would act in +this way. You know her now. She is trifling with me, and very likely she +is now revelling in her triumph. She has made use of you to allure me in +the snare, and it is all the better for her; had she come, I meant to +have had my turn, and to have laughed at her." + +"Ah! you must allow me to have my doubts as to that." + +"Doubt me not, beautiful Nanette; the pleasant night we are going to +spend without her must convince you." + +"That is to say that, as a man of sense, you can accept us as a +makeshift; but you can sleep here, and my sister can lie with me on the +sofa in the next room." + +"I cannot hinder you, but it would be great unkindness on your part. At +all events, I do not intend to go to bed." + +"What! you would have the courage to spend seven hours alone with us? +Why, I am certain that in a short time you will be at a loss what to say, +and you will fall asleep." + +"Well, we shall see. In the mean-time here are provisions. You will not +be so cruel as to let me eat alone? Can you get any bread?" + +"Yes, and to please you we must have a second supper." + +"I ought to be in love with you. Tell me, beautiful Nanette, if I were as +much attached to you as I was to Angela, would you follow her example and +make me unhappy?" + +"How can you ask such a question? It is worthy of a conceited man. All I +can answer is, that I do not know what I would do." + +They laid the cloth, brought some bread, some Parmesan cheese and water, +laughing all the while, and then we went to work. The wine, to which they +were not accustomed, went to their heads, and their gaiety was soon +delightful. I wondered, as I looked at them, at my having been blind +enough not to see their merit. + +After our supper, which was delicious, I sat between them, holding their +hands, which I pressed to my lips, asking them whether they were truly my +friends, and whether they approved of Angela's conduct towards me. They +both answered that it had made them shed many tears. "Then let me," I +said, "have for you the tender feelings of a brother, and share those +feelings yourselves as if you were my sisters; let us exchange, in all +innocence, proofs of our mutual affection, and swear to each other an +eternal fidelity." + +The first kiss I gave them was prompted by entirely harmless motives, and +they returned the kiss, as they assured me a few days afterwards only to +prove to me that they reciprocated my brotherly feelings; but those +innocent kisses, as we repeated them, very soon became ardent ones, and +kindled a flame which certainly took us by surprise, for we stopped, as +by common consent, after a short time, looking at each other very much +astonished and rather serious. They both left me without affectation, and +I remained alone with my thoughts. Indeed, it was natural that the +burning kisses I had given and received should have sent through me the +fire of passion, and that I should suddenly have fallen madly in love +with the two amiable sisters. Both were handsomer than Angela, and they +were superior to her--Nanette by her charming wit, Marton by her sweet +and simple nature; I could not understand how I had been so long in +rendering them the justice they deserved, but they were the innocent +daughters of a noble family, and the lucky chance which had thrown them +in my way ought not to prove a calamity for them. I was not vain enough +to suppose that they loved me, but I could well enough admit that my +kisses had influenced them in the same manner that their kisses had +influenced me, and, believing this to be the case, it was evident that, +with a little cunning on my part, and of sly practices of which they were +ignorant, I could easily, during the long night I was going to spend with +them, obtain favours, the consequences of which might be very positive. +The very thought made me shudder, and I firmly resolved to respect their +virtue, never dreaming that circumstances might prove too strong for me. + +When they returned, I read upon their countenances perfect security and +satisfaction, and I quickly put on the same appearance, with a full +determination not to expose myself again to the danger of their kisses. + +For one hour we spoke of Angela, and I expressed my determination never +to see her again, as I had every proof that she did not care for me. "She +loves you," said the artless Marton; "I know she does, but if you do not +mean to marry her, you will do well to give up all intercourse with her, +for she is quite determined not to grant you even a kiss as long as you +are not her acknowledged suitor. You must therefore either give up the +acquaintance altogether, or make up your mind that she will refuse you +everything." + +"You argue very well, but how do you know that she loves me?" + +"I am quite sure of it, and as you have promised to be our brother, I can +tell you why I have that conviction. When Angela is in bed with me, she +embraces me lovingly and calls me her dear abbe." + +The words were scarcely spoken when Nanette, laughing heartily, placed +her hand on her sister's lips, but the innocent confession had such an +effect upon me that I could hardly control myself. + +Marton told Nanette that I could not possibly be ignorant of what takes +place between young girls sleeping together. + +"There is no doubt," I said, "that everybody knows those trifles, and I +do not think, dear Nanette, that you ought to reproach your sister with +indiscretion for her friendly confidence." + +"It cannot be helped now, but such things ought not to be mentioned. If +Angela knew it!" + +"She would be vexed, of course; but Marton has given me a mark of her +friendship which I never can forget. But it is all over; I hate Angela, +and I do not mean to speak to her any more! she is false, and she wishes +my ruin." + +"Yet, loving you, is she wrong to think of having you for her husband?" + +"Granted that she is not; but she thinks only of her own self, for she +knows what I suffer, and her conduct would be very different if she loved +me. In the mean time, thanks to her imagination, she finds the means of +satisfying her senses with the charming Marton who kindly performs the +part of her husband." + +Nanette laughed louder, but I kept very serious, and I went on talking to +her sister, and praising her sincerity. I said that very likely, and to +reciprocate her kindness, Angela must likewise have been her husband, but +she answered, with a smile, that Angela played husband only to Nanette, +and Nanette could not deny it. + +"But," said I, "what name did Nanette, in her rapture, give to her +husband?" + +"Nobody knows." + +"Do you love anyone, Nanette?" + +"I do; but my secret is my own." + +This reserve gave me the suspicion that I had something to do with her +secret, and that Nanette was the rival of Angela. Such a delightful +conversation caused me to lose the wish of passing an idle night with two +girls so well made for love. + +"It is very lucky," I exclaimed, "that I have for you only feelings of +friendship; otherwise it would be very hard to pass the night without +giving way to the temptation of bestowing upon you proofs of my +affection, for you are both so lovely, so bewitching, that you would turn +the brains of any man." + +As I went on talking, I pretended to be somewhat sleepy; Nanette being +the first to notice it, said, "Go to bed without any ceremony, we will +lie down on the sofa in the adjoining room." + +"I would be a very poor-spirited fellow indeed, if I agreed to this; let +us talk; my sleepiness will soon pass off, but I am anxious about you. Go +to bed yourselves, my charming friends, and I will go into the next room. +If you are afraid of me, lock the door, but you would do me an injustice, +for I feel only a brother's yearnings towards you." + +"We cannot accept such an arrangement," said Nanette, "but let me +persuade you; take this bed." + +"I cannot sleep with my clothes on." + +"Undress yourself; we will not look at you." + +"I have no fear of it, but how could I find the heart to sleep, while on +my account you are compelled to sit up?" + +"Well," said Marton, "we can lie down, too, without undressing." + +"If you shew me such distrust, you will offend me. Tell me, Nanette, do +you think I am an honest man?" + +"Most certainly." + +"Well, then, give me a proof of your good opinion; lie down near me in +the bed, undressed, and rely on my word of honour that I will not even +lay a finger upon you. Besides, you are two against one, what can you +fear? Will you not be free to get out of the bed in case I should not +keep quiet? In short, unless you consent to give me this mark of your +confidence in me, at least when I have fallen asleep, I cannot go to +bed." + +I said no more, and pretended to be very sleepy. They exchanged a few +words, whispering to each other, and Marton told me to go to bed, that +they would follow me as soon as I was asleep. Nanette made me the same +promise, I turned my back to them, undressed myself quickly, and wishing +them good night, I went to bed. I immediately pretended to fall asleep, +but soon I dozed in good earnest, and only woke when they came to bed. +Then, turning round as if I wished to resume my slumbers, I remained very +quiet until I could suppose them fast asleep; at all events, if they did +not sleep, they were at liberty to pretend to do so. Their backs were +towards me, and the light was out; therefore I could only act at random, +and I paid my first compliments to the one who was lying on my right, not +knowing whether she was Nanette or Marton. I find her bent in two, and +wrapped up in the only garment she had kept on. Taking my time, and +sparing her modesty, I compel her by degrees to acknowledge her defeat, +and convince her that it is better to feign sleep and to let me proceed. +Her natural instincts soon working in concert with mine, I reach the +goal; and my efforts, crowned with the most complete success, leave me +not the shadow of a doubt that I have gathered those first-fruits to +which our prejudice makes us attach so great an importance. Enraptured at +having enjoyed my manhood completely and for the first time, I quietly +leave my beauty in order to do homage to the other sister. I find her +motionless, lying on her back like a person wrapped in profound and +undisturbed slumber. Carefully managing my advance, as if I were afraid +of waking her up, I begin by gently gratifying her senses, and I +ascertain the delightful fact that, like her sister, she is still in +possession of her maidenhood. As soon as a natural movement proves to me +that love accepts the offering, I take my measures to consummate the +sacrifice. At that moment, giving way suddenly to the violence of her +feelings, and tired of her assumed dissimulation, she warmly locks me in +her arms at the very instant of the voluptuous crisis, smothers me with +kisses, shares my raptures, and love blends our souls in the most +ecstatic enjoyment. + +Guessing her to be Nanette, I whisper her name. + +"Yes, I am Nanette," she answers; "and I declare myself happy, as well as +my sister, if you prove yourself true and faithful." + +"Until death, my beloved ones, and as everything we have done is the work +of love, do not let us ever mention the name of Angela." + +After this, I begged that she would give us a light; but Marton, always +kind and obliging, got out of bed leaving us alone. When I saw Nanette in +my arms, beaming with love, and Marton near the bed, holding a candle, +with her eyes reproaching us with ingratitude because we did not speak to +her, who, by accepting my first caresses, had encouraged her sister to +follow her example, I realized all my happiness. + +"Let us get up, my darlings," said I, "and swear to each other eternal +affection." + +When we had risen we performed, all three together, ablutions which made +them laugh a good deal, and which gave a new impetus to the ardour of our +feelings. Sitting up in the simple costume of nature, we ate the remains +of our supper, exchanging those thousand trifling words which love alone +can understand, and we again retired to our bed, where we spent a most +delightful night giving each other mutual and oft-repeated proofs of our +passionate ardour. Nanette was the recipient of my last bounties, for +Madame Orio having left the house to go to church, I had to hasten my +departure, after assuring the two lovely sisters that they had +effectually extinguished whatever flame might still have flickered in my +heart for Angela. I went home and slept soundly until dinner-time. + +M. de Malipiero passed a remark upon my cheerful looks and the dark +circles around my eyes, but I kept my own counsel, and I allowed him to +think whatever he pleased. On the following day I paid a visit to Madame +Orio, and Angela not being of the party, I remained to supper and retired +with M. Rosa. During the evening Nanette contrived to give me a letter +and a small parcel. The parcel contained a small lump of wax with the +stamp of a key, and the letter told me to have a key made, and to use it +to enter the house whenever I wished to spend the night with them. She +informed me at the same time that Angela had slept with them the night +following our adventures, and that, thanks to their mutual and usual +practices, she had guessed the real state of things, that they had not +denied it, adding that it was all her fault, and that Angela, after +abusing them most vehemently, had sworn never again to darken their +doors; but they did not care a jot. + +A few days afterwards our good fortune delivered us from Angela; she was +taken to Vicenza by her father, who had removed there for a couple of +years, having been engaged to paint frescoes in some houses in that city. +Thanks to her absence, I found myself undisturbed possessor of the two +charming sisters, with whom I spent at least two nights every week, +finding no difficulty in entering the house with the key which I had +speedily procured. + +Carnival was nearly over, when M. Manzoni informed me one day that the +celebrated Juliette wished to see me, and regretted much that I had +ceased to visit her. I felt curious as to what she had to say to me, and +accompanied him to her house. She received me very politely, and +remarking that she had heard of a large hall I had in my house, she said +she would like to give a ball there, if I would give her the use of it. I +readily consented, and she handed me twenty-four sequins for the supper +and for the band, undertaking to send people to place chandeliers in the +hall and in my other rooms. + +M. de Sanvitali had left Venice, and the Parmesan government had placed +his estates in chancery in consequence of his extravagant expenditure. I +met him at Versailles ten years afterwards. He wore the insignia of the +king's order of knighthood, and was grand equerry to the eldest daughter +of Louis XV., Duchess of Parma, who, like all the French princesses, +could not be reconciled to the climate of Italy. + +The ball took place, and went off splendidly. All the guests belonged to +Juliette's set, with the exception of Madame Orio, her nieces, and the +procurator Rosa, who sat together in the room adjoining the hall, and +whom I had been permitted to introduce as persons of no consequence +whatever. + +While the after-supper minuets were being danced Juliette took me apart, +and said, "Take me to your bedroom; I have just got an amusing idea." + +My room was on the third story; I shewed her the way. The moment we +entered she bolted the door, much to my surprise. "I wish you," she said, +"to dress me up in your ecclesiastical clothes, and I will disguise you +as a woman with my own things. We will go down and dance together. Come, +let us first dress our hair." + +Feeling sure of something pleasant to come, and delighted with such an +unusual adventure, I lose no time in arranging her hair, and I let her +afterwards dress mine. She applies rouge and a few beauty spots to my +face; I humour her in everything, and to prove her satisfaction, she +gives me with the best of grace a very loving kiss, on condition that I +do not ask for anything else. + +"As you please, beautiful Juliette, but I give you due notice that I +adore you!" + +I place upon my bed a shirt, an abbe's neckband, a pair of drawers, black +silk stockings--in fact, a complete fit-out. Coming near the bed, +Juliette drops her skirt, and cleverly gets into the drawers, which were +not a bad fit, but when she comes to the breeches there is some +difficulty; the waistband is too narrow, and the only remedy is to rip it +behind or to cut it, if necessary. I undertake to make everything right, +and, as I sit on the foot of my bed, she places herself in front of me, +with her back towards me. I begin my work, but she thinks that I want to +see too much, that I am not skilful enough, and that my fingers wander in +unnecessary places; she gets fidgety, leaves me, tears the breeches, and +manages in her own way. Then I help her to put her shoes on, and I pass +the shirt over her head, but as I am disposing the ruffle and the +neck-band, she complains of my hands being too curious; and in truth, her +bosom was rather scanty. She calls me a knave and rascal, but I take no +notice of her. I was not going to be duped, and I thought that a woman +who had been paid one hundred thousand ducats was well worth some study. +At last, her toilet being completed, my turn comes. In spite of her +objections I quickly get rid of my breeches, and she must put on me the +chemise, then a skirt, in a word she has to dress me up. But all at once, +playing the coquette, she gets angry because I do not conceal from her +looks the very apparent proof that her charms have some effect on a +particular part of my being, and she refuses to grant me the favour which +would soon afford both relief and calm. I try to kiss her, and she +repulses me, whereupon I lose patience, and in spite of herself she has +to witness the last stage of my excitement. At the sight of this, she +pours out every insulting word she can think of; I endeavour to prove +that she is to blame, but it is all in vain. + +However, she is compelled to complete my disguise. There is no doubt that +an honest woman would not have exposed herself to such an adventure, +unless she had intended to prove her tender feelings, and that she would +not have drawn back at the very moment she saw them shared by her +companion; but women like Juliette are often guided by a spirit of +contradiction which causes them to act against their own interests. +Besides, she felt disappointed when she found out that I was not timid, +and my want of restraint appeared to her a want of respect. She would not +have objected to my stealing a few light favours which she would have +allowed me to take, as being of no importance, but, by doing that, I +should have flattered her vanity too highly. + +Our disguise being complete, we went together to the dancing-hall, where +the enthusiastic applause of the guests soon restored our good temper. +Everybody gave me credit for a piece of fortune which I had not enjoyed, +but I was not ill-pleased with the rumour, and went on dancing with the +false abbe, who was only too charming. Juliette treated me so well during +the night that I construed her manners towards me into some sort of +repentance, and I almost regretted what had taken place between us; it +was a momentary weakness for which I was sorely punished. + +At the end of the quadrille all the men thought they had a right to take +liberties with the abbe, and I became myself rather free with the young +girls, who would have been afraid of exposing themselves to ridicule had +they offered any opposition to my caresses. + +M. Querini was foolish enough to enquire from me whether I had kept on my +breeches, and as I answered that I had been compelled to lend them to +Juliette, he looked very unhappy, sat down in a corner of the room, and +refused to dance. + +Every one of the guests soon remarked that I had on a woman's chemise, +and nobody entertained a doubt of the sacrifice having been consummated, +with the exception of Nanette and Marton, who could not imagine the +possibility of my being unfaithful to them. Juliette perceived that she +had been guilty of great imprudence, but it was too late to remedy the +evil. + +When we returned to my chamber upstairs, thinking that she had repented +of her previous behaviour, and feeling some desire to possess her, I +thought I would kiss her, and I took hold of her hand, saying I was +disposed to give her every satisfaction, but she quickly slapped my face +in so violent a manner that, in my indignation, I was very near returning +the compliment. I undressed myself rapidly without looking at her, she +did the same, and we came downstairs; but, in spite of the cold water I +had applied to my cheek, everyone could easily see the stamp of the large +hand which had come in contact with my face. + +Before leaving the house, Juliette took me apart, and told me, in the +most decided and impressive manner, that if I had any fancy for being +thrown out of the window, I could enjoy that pleasure whenever I liked to +enter her dwelling, and that she would have me murdered if this night's +adventure ever became publicly known. I took care not to give her any +cause for the execution of either of her threats, but I could not prevent +the fact of our having exchanged shirts being rather notorious. As I was +not seen at her house, it was generally supposed that she had been +compelled by M. Querini to keep me at a distance. The reader will see +how, six years later, this extraordinary woman thought proper to feign +entire forgetfulness of this adventure. + +I passed Lent, partly in the company of my loved ones, partly in the +study of experimental physics at the Convent of the Salutation. My +evenings were always given to M. de Malipiero's assemblies. At Easter, in +order to keep the promise I had made to the Countess of Mont-Real, and +longing to see again my beautiful Lucie, I went to Pasean. I found the +guests entirely different to the set I had met the previous autumn. Count +Daniel, the eldest of the family, had married a Countess Gozzi, and a +young and wealthy government official, who had married a god-daughter of +the old countess, was there with his wife and his sister-in-law. I +thought the supper very long. The same room had been given to me, and I +was burning to see Lucie, whom I did not intend to treat any more like a +child. I did not see her before going to bed, but I expected her early +the next morning, when lo! instead of her pretty face brightening my +eyes, I see standing before me a fat, ugly servant-girl! I enquire after +the gatekeeper's family, but her answer is given in the peculiar dialect +of the place, and is, of course, unintelligible to me. + +I wonder what has become of Lucie; I fancy that our intimacy has been +found out, I fancy that she is ill--dead, perhaps. I dress myself with +the intention of looking for her. If she has been forbidden to see me, I +think to myself, I will be even with them all, for somehow or other I +will contrive the means of speaking to her, and out of spite I will do +with her that which honour prevented love from accomplishing. As I was +revolving such thoughts, the gate-keeper comes in with a sorrowful +countenance. I enquire after his wife's health, and after his daughter, +but at the name of Lucie his eyes are filled with tears. + +"What! is she dead?" + +"Would to God she were!" + +"What has she done?" + +"She has run away with Count Daniel's courier, and we have been unable to +trace her anywhere." + +His wife comes in at the moment he replies, and at these words, which +renewed her grief, the poor woman faints away. The keeper, seeing how +sincerely I felt for his misery, tells me that this great misfortune +befell them only a week before my arrival. + +"I know that man l'Aigle," I say; "he is a scoundrel. Did he ask to marry +Lucie?" + +"No; he knew well enough that our consent would have been refused!" + +"I wonder at Lucie acting in such a way." + +"He seduced her, and her running away made us suspect the truth, for she +had become very stout." + +"Had he known her long?" + +"About a month after your last visit she saw him for the first time. He +must have thrown a spell over her, for our Lucie was as pure as a dove, +and you can, I believe, bear testimony to her goodness." + +"And no one knows where they are?" + +"No one. God alone knows what this villain will do with her." + +I grieved as much as the unfortunate parents; I went out and took a long +ramble in the woods to give way to my sad feelings. During two hours I +cogitated over considerations, some true, some false, which were all +prefaced by an if. If I had paid this visit, as I might have done, a week +sooner, loving Lucie would have confided in me, and I would have +prevented that self-murder. If I had acted with her as with Nanette and +Marton, she would not have been left by me in that state of ardent +excitement which must have proved the principal cause of her fault, and +she would not have fallen a prey to that scoundrel. If she had not known +me before meeting the courier, her innocent soul would never have +listened to such a man. I was in despair, for in my conscience I +acknowledged myself the primary agent of this infamous seduction; I had +prepared the way for the villain. + +Had I known where to find Lucie, I would certainly have gone forth on the +instant to seek for her, but no trace whatever of her whereabouts had +been discovered. + +Before I had been made acquainted with Lucie's misfortune I felt great +pride at having had sufficient power over myself to respect her +innocence; but after hearing what had happened I was ashamed of my own +reserve, and I promised myself that for the future I would on that score +act more wisely. I felt truly miserable when my imagination painted the +probability of the unfortunate girl being left to poverty and shame, +cursing the remembrance of me, and hating me as the first cause of her +misery. This fatal event caused me to adopt a new system, which in after +years I carried sometimes rather too far. + +I joined the cheerful guests of the countess in the gardens, and received +such a welcome that I was soon again in my usual spirits, and at dinner I +delighted everyone. + +My sorrow was so great that it was necessary either to drive it away at +once or to leave Pasean. But a new life crept into my being as I examined +the face and the disposition of the newly-married lady. Her sister was +prettier, but I was beginning to feel afraid of a novice; I thought the +work too great. + +This newly-married lady, who was between nineteen and twenty years of +age, drew upon herself everybody's attention by her over-strained and +unnatural manners. A great talker, with a memory crammed with maxims and +precepts often without sense, but of which she loved to make a show, very +devout, and so jealous of her husband that she did not conceal her +vexation when he expressed his satisfaction at being seated at table +opposite her sister, she laid herself open to much ridicule. Her husband +was a giddy young fellow, who perhaps felt very deep affection for his +wife, but who imagined that, through good breeding, he ought to appear +very indifferent, and whose vanity found pleasure in giving her constant +causes for jealousy. She, in her turn, had a great dread of passing for +an idiot if she did not shew her appreciation of, and her resentment for, +his conduct. She felt uneasy in the midst of good company, precisely +because she wished to appear thoroughly at home. If I prattled away with +some of my trilling nonsense, she would stare at me, and in her anxiety +not to be thought stupid, she would laugh out of season. Her oddity, her +awkwardness, and her self-conceit gave me the desire to know her better, +and I began to dance attendance upon her. + +My attentions, important and unimportant, my constant care, ever my +fopperies, let everybody know that I meditated conquest. The husband was +duly warned, but, with a great show of intrepidity, he answered with a +joke every time he was told that I was a formidable rival. On my side I +assumed a modest, and even sometimes a careless appearance, when, to shew +his freedom from jealousy, he excited me to make love to his wife, who, +on her part, understood but little how to perform the part of fancy free. + +I had been paying my address to her for five or six days with great +constancy, when, taking a walk with her in the garden, she imprudently +confided to me the reason of her anxiety respecting her husband, and how +wrong he was to give her any cause for jealousy. I told her, speaking as +an old friend, that the best way to punish him would be to take no +apparent notice of her, husband's preference for her sister, and to feign +to be herself in love with me. In order to entice her more easily to +follow my advice, I added that I was well aware of my plan being a very +difficult one to carry out, and that to play successfully such a +character a woman must be particularly witty. I had touched her weak +point, and she exclaimed that she would play the part to perfection; but +in spite of her self-confidence she acquitted herself so badly that +everybody understood that the plan was of my own scheming. + +If I happened to be alone with her in the dark paths of the garden, and +tried to make her play her part in real earnest, she would take the +dangerous step of running away, and rejoining the other guests; the +result being that, on my reappearance, I was called a bad sportsman who +frightened the bird away. I would not fail at the first opportunity to +reproach her for her flight, and to represent the triumph she had thus +prepared for her spouse. I praised her mind, but lamented over the +shortcomings of her education; I said that the tone, the manners I +adopted towards her, were those of good society, and proved the great +esteem I entertained for her intelligence, but in the middle of all my +fine speeches, towards the eleventh or twelfth day of my courtship, she +suddenly put me out of all conceit by telling me that, being a priest, I +ought to know that every amorous connection was a deadly sin, that God +could see every action of His creatures, and that she would neither damn +her soul nor place herself under the necessity of saying to her confessor +that she had so far forgotten herself as to commit such a sin with a +priest. I objected that I was not yet a priest, but she foiled me by +enquiring point-blank whether or not the act I had in view was to be +numbered amongst the cardinal sins, for, not feeling the courage to deny +it, I felt that I must give up the argument and put an end to the +adventure. + +A little consideration having considerably calmed my feelings, everybody +remarked my new countenance during dinner; and the old count, who was +very fond of a joke, expressed loudly his opinion that such quiet +demeanour on my part announced the complete success of my campaign. +Considering such a remark to be favourable to me, I took care to spew my +cruel devotee that such was the way the world would judge, but all this +was lost labour. Luck, however, stood me in good stead, and my efforts +were crowned with success in the following manner. + +On Ascension Day, we all went to pay a visit to Madame Bergali, a +celebrated Italian poetess. On my return to Pasean the same evening, my +pretty mistress wished to get into a carriage for four persons in which +her husband and sister were already seated, while I was alone in a +two-wheeled chaise. I exclaimed at this, saying that such a mark of +distrust was indeed too pointed, and everybody remonstrated with her, +saying that she ought not to insult me so cruelly. She was compelled to +come with me, and having told the postillion that I wanted to go by the +nearest road, he left the other carriages, and took the way through the +forest of Cequini. The sky was clear and cloudless when we left, but in +less than half-an-hour we were visited by one of those storms so frequent +in the south, which appear likely to overthrow heaven and earth, and +which end rapidly, leaving behind them a bright sky and a cool +atmosphere, so that they do more good than harm. + +"Oh, heavens!" exclaimed my companion, "we shall have a storm." + +"Yes," I say, "and although the chaise is covered, the rain will spoil +your pretty dress. I am very sorry." + +"I do not mind the dress; but the thunder frightens me so!" + +"Close your ears." + +"And the lightning?" + +"Postillion, let us go somewhere for shelter." + +"There is not a house, sir, for a league, and before we come to it, the +storm will have passed off." + +He quietly keeps on his way, and the lightning flashes, the thunder sends +forth its mighty voice, and the lady shudders with fright. The rain comes +down in torrents, I take off my cloak to shelter us in front, at the same +moment we are blinded by a flash of lightning, and the electric fluid +strikes the earth within one hundred yards of us. The horses plunge and +prance with fear, and my companion falls in spasmodic convulsions. She +throws herself upon me, and folds me in her arms. The cloak had gone +down, I stoop to place it around us, and improving my opportunity I take +up her clothes. She tries to pull them down, but another clap of thunder +deprives her of every particle of strength. Covering her with the cloak, +I draw her towards me, and the motion of the chaise coming to my +assistance, she falls over me in the most favourable position. I lose no +time, and under pretence of arranging my watch in my fob, I prepare +myself for the assault. On her side, conscious that, unless she stops me +at once, all is lost, she makes a great effort; but I hold her tightly, +saying that if she does not feign a fainting fit, the post-boy will turn +round and see everything; I let her enjoy the pleasure of calling me an +infidel, a monster, anything she likes, but my victory is the most +complete that ever a champion achieved. + +The rain, however, was falling, the wind, which was very high, blew in +our faces, and, compelled to stay where she was, she said I would ruin +her reputation, as the postillion could see everything. + +"I keep my eye upon him," I answered, "he is not thinking of us, and even +if he should turn his head, the cloak shelters us from him. Be quiet, and +pretend to have fainted, for I will not let you go." + +She seems resigned, and asks how I can thus set the storm at defiance. + +"The storm, dear one, is my best friend to-day." + +She almost seems to believe me, her fear vanishes, and feeling my +rapture, she enquires whether I have done. I smile and answer in the +negative, stating that I cannot let her go till the storm is over. +"Consent to everything, or I let the cloak drop," I say to her. + +"Well, you dreadful man, are you satisfied, now that you have insured my +misery for the remainder of my life?" + +"No, not yet." + +"What more do you want?" + +"A shower of kisses." + +"How unhappy I am! Well! here they are." + +"Tell me you forgive me, and confess that you have shared all my +pleasure." + +"You know I did. Yes, I forgive you." + +Then I give her her liberty, and treating her to some very pleasant +caresses, I ask her to have the same kindness for me, and she goes to +work with a smile on her pretty lips. + +"Tell me you love me," I say to her. + +"No, I do not, for you are an atheist, and hell awaits you." + +The weather was fine again, and the elements calm; I kissed her hands and +told her that the postillion had certainly not seen anything, and that I +was sure I had cured her of her dread of thunder, but that she was not +likely to reveal the secret of my remedy. She answered that one thing at +least was certain, namely that no other woman had ever been cured by the +same prescription. + +"Why," I said, "the same remedy has very likely been applied a million of +times within the last thousand years. To tell you the truth, I had +somewhat depended upon it, when we entered the chaise together, for I did +not know any other way of obtaining the happiness of possessing you. But +console yourself with the belief that, placed in the same position, no +frightened woman could have resisted." + +"I believe you; but for the future I will travel only with my husband." + +"You would be wrong, for your husband would not have been clever enough +to cure your fright in the way I have done." + +"True, again. One learns some curious things in your company; but we +shall not travel tete-a-tete again." + +We reached Pasean an hour before our friends. We get out of the chaise, +and my fair mistress ran off to her chamber, while I was looking for a +crown for the postillion. I saw that he was grinning. + +"What are you laughing at?" + +"Oh! you know." + +"Here, take this ducat and keep a quiet tongue in your head." + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +My Grandmother's Death and Its Consequences I Lose M. de Malipiero's +Friendship--I Have No Longer a Home--La Tintoretta--I Am Sent to a +Clerical Seminary--I Am Expelled From It, and Confined in a Fortress + +During supper the conversation turned altogether upon the storm, and the +official, who knew the weakness of his wife, told me that he was quite +certain I would never travel with her again. "Nor I with him," his wife +remarked, "for, in his fearful impiety, he exorcised the lightning with +jokes." + +Henceforth she avoided me so skilfully that I never could contrive +another interview with her. + +When I returned to Venice I found my grandmother ill, and I had to change +all my habits, for I loved her too dearly not to surround her with every +care and attention; I never left her until she had breathed her last. She +was unable to leave me anything, for during her life she had given me all +she could, and her death compelled me to adopt an entirely different mode +of life. + +A month after her death, I received a letter from my mother informing me +that, as there was no probability of her return to Venice, she had +determined to give up the house, the rent of which she was still paying, +that she had communicated her intention to the Abbe Grimani, and that I +was to be guided entirely by his advice. + +He was instructed to sell the furniture, and to place me, as well as my +brothers and my sister, in a good boarding-house. I called upon Grimani +to assure him of my perfect disposition to obey his commands. + +The rent of the house had been paid until the end of the year; but, as I +was aware that the furniture would be sold on the expiration of the term, +I placed my wants under no restraint. I had already sold some linen, most +of the china, and several tapestries; I now began to dispose of the +mirrors, beds, etc. I had no doubt that my conduct would be severely +blamed, but I knew likewise that it was my father's inheritance, to which +my mother had no claim whatever, and, as to my brothers, there was plenty +of time before any explanation could take place between us. + +Four months afterwards I had a second letter from my mother, dated from +Warsaw, and enclosing another. Here is the translation of my mother's +letter: + +"My dear son, I have made here the acquaintance of a learned Minim friar, +a Calabrian by birth, whose great qualities have made me think of you +every time he has honoured me with a visit. A year ago I told him that I +had a son who was preparing himself for the Church, but that I had not +the means of keeping him during his studies, and he promised that my son +would become his own child, if I could obtain for him from the queen a +bishopric in his native country, and he added that it would be very easy +to succeed if I could induce the sovereign to recommend him to her +daughter, the queen of Naples. + +"Full of trust in the Almighty, I threw myself at the feet of her +majesty, who granted me her gracious protection. She wrote to her +daughter, and the worthy friar has been appointed by the Pope to the +bishopric of Monterano. Faithful to his promise, the good bishop will +take you with him about the middle of next year, as he passes through +Venice to reach Calabria. He informs you himself of his intentions in the +enclosed letter. Answer him immediately, my dear son, and forward your +letter to me; I will deliver it to the bishop. He will pave your way to +the highest dignities of the Church, and you may imagine my consolation +if, in some twenty or thirty years, I had the happiness of seeing you a +bishop, at least! Until his arrival, M. Grimani will take care of you. I +give you my blessing, and I am, my dear child, etc., etc." + +The bishop's letter was written in Latin, and was only a repetition of my +mother's. It was full of unction, and informed me that he would tarry but +three days in Venice. + +I answered according to my mother's wishes, but those two letters had +turned my brain. I looked upon my fortune as made. I longed to enter the +road which was to lead me to it, and I congratulated myself that I could +leave my country without any regret. Farewell, Venice, I exclaimed; the +days for vanity are gone by, and in the future I will only think of a +great, of a substantial career! M. Grimani congratulated me warmly on my +good luck, and promised all his friendly care to secure a good +boarding-house, to which I would go at the beginning of the year, and +where I would wait for the bishop's arrival. + +M. de Malipiero, who in his own way had great wisdom, and who saw that in +Venice I was plunging headlong into pleasures and dissipation, and was +only wasting a precious time, was delighted to see me on the eve of going +somewhere else to fulfil my destiny, and much pleased with my ready +acceptance of those new circumstances in my life. He read me a lesson +which I have never forgotten. "The famous precept of the Stoic +philosophers," he said to me, "'Sequere Deum', can be perfectly explained +by these words: 'Give yourself up to whatever fate offers to you, +provided you do not feel an invincible repugnance to accept it.'" He +added that it was the genius of Socrates, 'saepe revocans, raro +impellens'; and that it was the origin of the 'fata viam inveniunt' of +the same philosophers. + +M. de Malipiero's science was embodied in that very lesson, for he had +obtained his knowledge by the study of only one book--the book of man. +However, as if it were to give me the proof that perfection does not +exist, and that there is a bad side as well as a good one to everything, +a certain adventure happened to me a month afterwards which, although I +was following his own maxims, cost me the loss of his friendship, and +which certainly did not teach me anything. + +The senator fancied that he could trace upon the physiognomy of young +people certain signs which marked them out as the special favourites of +fortune. When he imagined that he had discovered those signs upon any +individual, he would take him in hand and instruct him how to assist +fortune by good and wise principles; and he used to say, with a great +deal of truth, that a good remedy would turn into poison in the hands of +a fool, but that poison is a good remedy when administered by a learned +man. He had, in my time, three favourites in whose education he took +great pains. They were, besides myself, Therese Imer, with whom the +reader has a slight acquaintance already, and the third was the daughter +of the boatman Gardela, a girl three years younger than I, who had the +prettiest and most fascinating countenance. The speculative old man, in +order to assist fortune in her particular case, made her learn dancing, +for, he would say, the ball cannot reach the pocket unless someone pushes +it. This girl made a great reputation at Stuttgard under the name of +Augusta. She was the favourite mistress of the Duke of Wurtemburg in +1757. She was a most charming woman. The last time I saw her she was in +Venice, and she died two years afterwards. Her husband, Michel de +l'Agata, poisoned himself a short time after her death. + +One day we had all three dined with him, and after dinner the senator +left us, as was his wont, to enjoy his siesta; the little Gardela, having +a dancing lesson to take, went away soon after him, and I found myself +alone with Therese, whom I rather admired, although I had never made love +to her. We were sitting down at a table very near each other, with our +backs to the door of the room in which we thought our patron fast asleep, +and somehow or other we took a fancy to examine into the difference of +conformation between a girl and a boy; but at the most interesting part +of our study a violent blow on my shoulders from a stick, followed by +another, and which would have been itself followed by many more if I had +not ran away, compelled us to abandon our interesting investigation +unfinished. I got off without hat or cloak, and went home; but in less +than a quarter of an hour the old housekeeper of the senator brought my +clothes with a letter which contained a command never to present myself +again at the mansion of his excellency. I immediately wrote him an answer +in the following terms: "You have struck me while you were the slave of +your anger; you cannot therefore boast of having given me a lesson, and I +have not learned anything. To forgive you I must forget that you are a +man of great wisdom, and I can never forget it." + +This nobleman was perhaps quite right not to be pleased with the sight we +gave him; yet, with all his prudence, he proved himself very unwise, for +all the servants were acquainted with the cause of my exile, and, of +course, the adventure was soon known through the city, and was received +with great merriment. He dared not address any reproaches to Therese, as +I heard from her soon after, but she could not venture to entreat him to +pardon me. + +The time to leave my father's house was drawing near, and one fine +morning I received the visit of a man about forty years old, with a black +wig, a scarlet cloak, and a very swarthy complexion, who handed me a +letter from M. Grimani, ordering me to consign to the bearer all the +furniture of the house according to the inventory, a copy of which was in +my possession. Taking the inventory in my hand, I pointed out every +article marked down, except when the said article, having through my +instrumentality taken an airing out of the house, happened to be missing, +and whenever any article was absent I said that I had not the slightest +idea where it might be. But the uncouth fellow, taking a very high tone, +said loudly that he must know what I had done with the furniture. His +manner being very disagreeable to me, I answered that I had nothing to do +with him, and as he still raised his voice I advised him to take himself +off as quickly as possible, and I gave him that piece of advice in such a +way as to prove to him that, at home, I knew I was the more powerful of +the two. + +Feeling it my duty to give information to M. Grimani of what had just +taken place, I called upon him as soon as he was up, but I found that my +man was already there, and that he had given his own account of the +affair. The abbe, after a very severe lecture to which I had to listen in +silence, ordered me to render an account of all the missing articles. I +answered that I had found myself under the necessity of selling them to +avoid running into debt. This confession threw him in a violent passion; +he called me a rascal, said that those things did not belong to me, that +he knew what he had to do, and he commanded me to leave his house on the +very instant. + +Mad with rage, I ran for a Jew, to whom I wanted to sell what remained of +the furniture, but when I returned to my house I found a bailiff waiting +at the door, and he handed me a summons. I looked over it and perceived +that it was issued at the instance of Antonio Razetta. It was the name of +the fellow with the swarthy countenance. The seals were already affixed +on all the doors, and I was not even allowed to go to my room, for a +keeper had been left there by the bailiff. I lost no time, and called +upon M. Rosa, to whom I related all the circumstances. After reading the +summons he said, + +"The seals shall be removed to-morrow morning, and in the meantime I +shall summon Razetta before the avogador. But to-night, my dear friend," +he added, "you must beg the hospitality of some one of your +acquaintances. It has been a violent proceeding, but you shall be paid +handsomely for it; the man is evidently acting under M. Grimani's +orders." + +"Well, that is their business." + +I spent the night with Nanette and Marton, and on the following morning, +the seals having been taken off, I took possession of my dwelling. +Razetta did not appear before the 'avogador', and M. Rosa summoned him in +my name before the criminal court, and obtained against him a writ of +'capias' in case he should not obey the second summons. On the third day +M. Grimani wrote to me, commanding me to call upon him. I went +immediately. As soon as I was in his presence he enquired abruptly what +my intentions were. + +"I intend to shield myself from your violent proceedings under the +protection of the law, and to defend myself against a man with whom I +ought never to have had any connection, and who has compelled me to pass +the night in a disreputable place." + +"In a disreputable place?" + +"Of course. Why was I, against all right and justice, prevented from +entering my own dwelling?" + +"You have possession of it now. But you must go to your lawyer and tell +him to suspend all proceedings against Razetta, who has done nothing but +under my instructions. I suspected that your intention was to sell the +rest of the furniture; I have prevented it. There is a room at your +disposal at St. Chrysostom's, in a house of mine, the first floor of +which is occupied by La Tintoretta, our first opera dancer. Send all your +things there, and come and dine with me every day. Your sister and your +brothers have been provided with a comfortable home; therefore, +everything is now arranged for the best." + +I called at once upon M. Rosa, to whom I explained all that had taken +place, and his advice being to give way to M. Grimani's wishes, I +determined to follow it. Besides, the arrangement offered the best +satisfaction I could obtain, as to be a guest at his dinner table was an +honour for me. I was likewise full of curiosity respecting my new lodging +under the same roof with La Tintoretta, who was much talked of, owing to +a certain Prince of Waldeck who was extravagantly generous with her. + +The bishop was expected in the course of the summer; I had, therefore, +only six months more to wait in Venice before taking the road which would +lead me, perhaps, to the throne of Saint Peter: everything in the future +assumed in my eyes the brightest hue, and my imagination revelled amongst +the most radiant beams of sunshine; my castles in the air were indeed +most beautiful. + +I dined the same day with M. Grimani, and I found myself seated next to +Razetta--an unpleasant neighbour, but I took no notice of him. When the +meal was over, I paid a last visit to my beautiful house in +Saint-Samuel's parish, and sent all I possessed in a gondola to my new +lodging. + +I did not know Signora Tintoretta, but I was well acquainted with her +reputation, character and manners. She was but a poor dancer, neither +handsome nor plain, but a woman of wit and intellect. Prince Waldeck +spent a great deal for her, and yet he did not prevent her from retaining +the titulary protection of a noble Venetian of the Lin family, now +extinct, a man about sixty years of age, who was her visitor at every +hour of the day. This nobleman, who knew me, came to my room towards the +evening, with the compliments of the lady, who, he added, was delighted +to have me in her house, and would be pleased to receive me in her +intimate circle. + +To excuse myself for not having been the first to pay my respects to the +signora, I told M. Lin that I did not know she was my neighbour, that M. +Grimani had not mentioned the circumstance, otherwise I would have paid +my duties to her before taking possession of my lodging. After this +apology I followed the ambassador, he presented me to his mistress, and +the acquaintance was made. + +She received me like a princess, took off her glove before giving me her +hand to kiss, mentioned my name before five or six strangers who were +present, and whose names she gave me, and invited me to take a seat near +her. As she was a native of Venice, I thought it was absurd for her to +speak French to me, and I told her that I was not acquainted with that +language, and would feel grateful if she would converse in Italian. She +was surprised at my not speaking French, and said I would cut but a poor +figure in her drawing-room, as they seldom spoke any other language +there, because she received a great many foreigners. I promised to learn +French. Prince Waldeck came in during the evening; I was introduced to +him, and he gave me a very friendly welcome. He could speak Italian very +well, and during the carnival he chewed me great kindness. He presented +me with a gold snuffbox as a reward for a very poor sonnet which I had +written for his dear Grizellini. This was her family name; she was called +Tintoretta because her father had been a dyer. + +The Tintoretta had greater claims than Juliette to the admiration of +sensible men. She loved poetry, and if it had not been that I was +expecting the bishop, I would have fallen in love with her. She was +herself smitten with a young physician of great merit, named Righelini, +who died in the prime of life, and whom I still regret. I shall have to +mention him in another part of my Memoirs. + +Towards the end of the carnival, my mother wrote to M. Grimani that it +would be a great shame if the bishop found me under the roof of an opera +dancer, and he made up his mind to lodge me in a respectable and decent +place. He took the Abbe Tosello into consultation, and the two gentlemen +thought that the best thing they could do for me would be to send me to a +clerical seminary. They arranged everything unknown to me, and the abbe +undertook to inform me of their plan and to obtain from me a gracious +consent. But when I heard him speak with beautiful flowers of rhetoric +for the purpose of gilding the bitter pill, I could not help bursting +into a joyous laughter, and I astounded his reverence when I expressed my +readiness to go anywhere he might think right to send me. + +The plan of the two worthy gentlemen was absurd, for at the age of +seventeen, and with a nature like mine, the idea of placing me in a +seminary ought never to have been entertained, but ever a faithful +disciple of Socrates, feeling no unconquerable reluctance, and the plan, +on the contrary, appearing to me rather a good joke, I not only gave a +ready consent, but I even longed to enter the seminary. I told M. Grimani +I was prepared to accept anything, provided Razetta had nothing to do +with it. He gave me his promise, but he did not keep it when I left the +seminary. I have never been able to decide whether this Grimani was kind +because he was a fool, or whether his stupidity was the result of his +kindness, but all his brothers were the same. The worst trick that Dame +Fortune can play upon an intelligent young man is to place him under the +dependence of a fool. A few days afterwards, having been dressed as a +pupil of a clerical seminary by the care of the abbe, I was taken to +Saint-Cyprian de Muran and introduced to the rector. + +The patriarchal church of Saint-Cyprian is served by an order of the +monks, founded by the blessed Jerome Miani, a nobleman of Venice. The +rector received me with tender affection and great kindness. But in his +address (which was full of unction) I thought I could perceive a +suspicion on his part that my being sent to the seminary was a +punishment, or at least a way to put a stop to an irregular life, and, +feeling hurt in my dignity, I told him at once, "Reverend father, I do +not think that any one has the right of punishing me." + +"No, no, my son," he answered, "I only meant that you would be very happy +with us." + +We were then shewn three halls, in which we found at least one hundred +and fifty seminarists, ten or twelve schoolrooms, the refectory, the +dormitory, the gardens for play hours, and every pain was taken to make +me imagine life in such a place the happiest that could fall to the lot +of a young man, and to make me suppose that I would even regret the +arrival of the bishop. Yet they all tried to cheer me up by saying that I +would only remain there five or six months. Their eloquence amused me +greatly. + +I entered the seminary at the beginning of March, and prepared myself for +my new life by passing the night between my two young friends, Nanette +and Marton, who bathed their pillows with tears; they could not +understand, and this was likewise the feeling of their aunt and of the +good M. Rosa, how a young man like myself could shew such obedience. + +The day before going to the seminary, I had taken care to entrust all my +papers to Madame Manzoni. They made a large parcel, and I left it in her +hands for fifteen years. The worthy old lady is still alive, and with her +ninety years she enjoys good health and a cheerful temper. She received +me with a smile, and told me that I would not remain one month in the +seminary. + +"I beg your pardon, madam, but I am very glad to go there, and intend to +remain until the arrival of the bishop." + +"You do not know your own nature, and you do not know your bishop, with +whom you will not remain very long either." + +The abbe accompanied me to the seminary in a gondola, but at Saint-Michel +he had to stop in consequence of a violent attack of vomiting which +seized me suddenly; the apothecary cured me with some mint-water. + +I was indebted for this attack to the too frequent sacrifices which I had +been offering on the altar of love. Any lover who knows what his feelings +were when he found himself with the woman he adored and with the fear +that it was for the last time, will easily imagine my feelings during the +last hours that I expected ever to spend with my two charming mistresses. +I could not be induced to let the last offering be the last, and I went +on offering until there was no more incense left. + +The priest committed me to the care of the rector, and my luggage was +carried to the dormitory, where I went myself to deposit my cloak and my +hat. I was not placed amongst the adults, because, notwithstanding my +size, I was not old enough. Besides, I would not shave myself, through +vanity, because I thought that the down on my face left no doubt of my +youth. It was ridiculous, of course; but when does man cease to be so? We +get rid of our vices more easily than of our follies. Tyranny has not had +sufficient power over me to compel me to shave myself; it is only in that +respect that I have found tyranny to be tolerant. + +"To which school do you wish to belong?" asked the rector. + +"To the dogmatic, reverend father; I wish to study the history of the +Church." + +"I will introduce you to the father examiner." + +"I am doctor in divinity, most reverend father, and do not want to be +examined." + +"It is necessary, my dear son; come with me." + +This necessity appeared to me an insult, and I felt very angry; but a +spirit of revenge quickly whispered to me the best way to mystify them, +and the idea made me very joyful. I answered so badly all the questions +propounded in Latin by the examiner, I made so many solecisms, that he +felt it his duty to send me to an inferior class of grammar, in which, to +my great delight, I found myself the companion of some twenty young +urchins of about ten years, who, hearing that I was doctor in divinity, +kept on saying: 'Accipiamus pecuniam, et mittamus asinum in patriam +suam'. + +Our play hours afforded me great amusement; my companions of the +dormitory, who were all in the class of philosophy at least, looked down +upon me with great contempt, and when they spoke of their own sublime +discourses, they laughed if I appeared to be listening attentively to +their discussions which, as they thought, must have been perfect enigmas +to me. I did not intend to betray myself, but an accident, which I could +not avoid, forced me to throw off the mask. + +Father Barbarigo, belonging to the Convent of the Salutation at Venice, +whose pupil I had been in physics, came to pay a visit to the rector, and +seeing me as we were coming from mass paid me his friendly compliments. +His first question was to enquire what science I was studying, and he +thought I was joking when I answered that I was learning the grammar. The +rector having joined us, I left them together, and went to my class. An +our later, the rector sent for me. + +"Why did you feign such ignorance at the examination?" he asked. + +"Why," I answered, "were you unjust enough to compel me to the +degradation of an examination?" + +He looked annoyed, and escorted me to the dogmatic school, where my +comrades of the dormitory received me with great astonishment, and in the +afternoon, at play time, they gathered around me and made me very happy +with their professions of friendship. + +One of them, about fifteen years old, and who at the present time must, +if still alive, be a bishop, attracted my notice by his features as much +as by his talents. He inspired me with a very warm friendship, and during +recess, instead of playing skittles with the others, we always walked +together. We conversed upon poetry, and we both delighted in the +beautiful odes of Horace. We liked Ariosto better than Tasso, and +Petrarch had our whole admiration, while Tassoni and Muratori, who had +been his critics, were the special objects of our contempt. We were such +fast friends, after four days of acquaintance, that we were actually +jealous of each other, and to such an extent that if either of us walked +about with any seminarist, the other would be angry and sulk like a +disappointed lover. + +The dormitory was placed under the supervision of a lay friar, and it was +his province to keep us in good order. After supper, accompanied by this +lay friar, who had the title of prefect, we all proceeded to the +dormitory. There, everyone had to go to his own bed, and to undress +quietly after having said his prayers in a low voice. When all the pupils +were in bed, the prefect would go to his own. A large lantern lighted up +the dormitory, which had the shape of a parallelogram eighty yards by +ten. The beds were placed at equal distances, and to each bed there were +a fold-stool, a chair, and room for the trunk of the Seminarist. At one +end was the washing place, and at the other the bed of the prefect. The +bed of my friend was opposite mine, and the lantern was between us. + +The principal duty of the prefect was to take care that no pupil should +go and sleep with one of his comrades, for such a visit was never +supposed an innocent one. It was a cardinal sin, and, bed being accounted +the place for sleep and not for conversation, it was admitted that a +pupil who slept out of his own bed, did so only for immoral purposes. So +long as he stopped in his own bed, he could do what he liked; so much the +worse for him if he gave himself up to bad practices. It has been +remarked in Germany that it is precisely in those institutions for young +men in which the directors have taken most pains to prevent onanism that +this vice is most prevalent. + +Those who had framed the regulations in our seminary were stupid fools, +who had not the slightest knowledge of either morals or human nature. +Nature has wants which must be administered to, and Tissot is right only +as far as the abuse of nature is concerned, but this abuse would very +seldom occur if the directors exercised proper wisdom and prudence, and +if they did not make a point of forbidding it in a special and peculiar +manner; young people give way to dangerous excesses from a sheer delight +in disobedience,--a disposition very natural to humankind, since it began +with Adam and Eve. + +I had been in the seminary for nine or ten days, when one night I felt +someone stealing very quietly in my bed; my hand was at once clutched, +and my name whispered. I could hardly restrain my laughter. It was my +friend, who, having chanced to wake up and finding that the lantern was +out, had taken a sudden fancy to pay me a visit. I very soon begged him +to go away for fear the prefect should be awake, for in such a case we +should have found ourselves in a very unpleasant dilemma, and most likely +would have been accused of some abominable offence. As I was giving him +that good advice we heard someone moving, and my friend made his escape; +but immediately after he had left me I heard the fall of some person, and +at the same time the hoarse voice of the prefect exclaiming: + +"Ah, villain! wait until to-morrow--until to-morrow!" + +After which threat he lighted the lantern and retired to his couch. + +The next morning, before the ringing of the bell for rising, the rector, +followed by the prefect, entered the dormitory, and said to us: + +"Listen to me, all of you. You are aware of what has taken place this +last night. Two amongst you must be guilty; but I wish to forgive them, +and to save their honour I promise that their names shall not be made +public. I expect every one of you to come to me for confession before +recess." + +He left the dormitory, and we dressed ourselves. In the afternoon, in +obedience to his orders, we all went to him and confessed, after which +ceremony we repaired to the garden, where my friend told me that, having +unfortunately met the prefect after he left me, he had thought that the +best way was to knock him down, in order to get time to reach his own bed +without being known. + +"And now," I said, "you are certain of being forgiven, for, of course, +you have wisely confessed your error?" + +"You are joking," answered my friend; "why, the good rector would not +have known any more than he knows at present, even if my visit to you had +been paid with a criminal intent." + +"Then you must have made a false confession: you are at all events guilty +of disobedience?" + +"That may be, but the rector is responsible for the guilt, as he used +compulsion." + +"My dear friend, you argue in a very forcible way, and the very reverend +rector must by this time be satisfied that the inmates of our dormitory +are more learned than he is himself." + +No more would have been said about the adventure if, a few nights after, +I had not in my turn taken a fancy to return the visit paid by my friend. +Towards midnight, having had occasion to get out of bed, and hearing the +loud snoring of the prefect, I quickly put out the lantern and went to +lie beside my friend. He knew me at once, and gladly received me; but we +both listened attentively to the snoring of our keeper, and when it +ceased, understanding our danger, I got up and reached my own bed without +losing a second, but the moment I got to it I had a double surprise. In +the first place I felt somebody lying in my bed, and in the second I saw +the prefect, with a candle in his hand, coming along slowly and taking a +survey of all the beds right and left. I could understand the prefect +suddenly lighting a candle, but how could I realize what I saw--namely, +one of my comrades sleeping soundly in my bed, with his back turned to +me? I immediately made up my mind to feign sleep. After two or three +shakings given by the prefect, I pretended to wake up, and my +bed-companion woke up in earnest. Astonished at finding himself in my +bed, he offered me an apology: + +"I have made a mistake," he said, "as I returned from a certain place in +the dark, I found your bed empty, and mistook it for mine." + +"Very likely," I answered; "I had to get up, too." + +"Yes," remarked the prefect; "but how does it happen that you went to bed +without making any remark when, on your return, you found your bed +already tenanted? And how is it that, being in the dark, you did not +suppose that you were mistaken yourself?" + +"I could not be mistaken, for I felt the pedestal of this crucifix of +mine, and I knew I was right; as to my companion here, I did not feel +him." + +"It is all very unlikely," answered our Argus; and he went to the +lantern, the wick of which he found crushed down. + +"The wick has been forced into the oil, gentlemen; it has not gone out of +itself; it has been the handiwork of one of you, but it will be seen to +in the morning." + +My stupid companion went to his own bed, the prefect lighted the lamp and +retired to his rest, and after this scene, which had broken the repose of +every pupil, I quietly slept until the appearance of the rector, who, at +the dawn of day, came in great fury, escorted by his satellite, the +prefect. + +The rector, after examining the localities and submitting to a lengthy +interrogatory first my accomplice, who very naturally was considered as +the most guilty, and then myself, whom nothing could convict of the +offence, ordered us to get up and go to church to attend mass. As soon as +we were dressed, he came back, and addressing us both, he said, kindly: + +"You stand both convicted of a scandalous connivance, and it is proved by +the fact of the lantern having been wilfully extinguished. I am disposed +to believe that the cause of all this disorder is, if not entirely +innocent, at least due only to extreme thoughtlessness; but the scandal +given to all your comrades, the outrage offered to the discipline and to +the established rules of the seminary, call loudly for punishment. Leave +the room." + +We obeyed; but hardly were we between the double doors of the dormitory +than we were seized by four servants, who tied our hands behind us, and +led us to the class room, where they compelled us to kneel down before +the great crucifix. The rector told them to execute his orders, and, as +we were in that position, the wretches administered to each of us seven +or eight blows with a stick, or with a rope, which I received, as well as +my companion, without a murmur. But the moment my hands were free, I +asked the rector whether I could write two lines at the very foot of the +cross. He gave orders to bring ink and paper, and I traced the following +words: + +"I solemnly swear by this God that I have never spoken to the seminarist +who was found in my bed. As an innocent person I must protest against +this shameful violence. I shall appeal to the justice of his lordship the +patriarch." + +My comrade in misery signed this protest with me; after which, addressing +myself to all the pupils, I read it aloud, calling upon them to speak the +truth if any one could say the contrary of what I had written. They, with +one voice, immediately declared that we had never been seen conversing +together, and that no one knew who had put the lamp out. The rector left +the room in the midst of hisses and curses, but he sent us to prison all +the same at the top of the house and in separate cells. An hour +afterwards, I had my bed, my trunk and all my things, and my meals were +brought to me every day. On the fourth day, the Abbe Tosello came for me +with instructions to bring me to Venice. I asked him whether he had +sifted this unpleasant affair; he told me that he had enquired into it, +that he had seen the other seminarist, and that he believed we were both +innocent; but the rector would not confess himself in the wrong, and he +did not see what could be done. + +I threw off my seminarist's habit, and dressed myself in the clothes I +used to wear in Venice, and, while my luggage was carried to a boat, I +accompanied the abbe to M. Grimani's gondola in which he had come, and we +took our departure. On our way, the abbe ordered the boatman to leave my +things at the Palace Grimani, adding that he was instructed by M. Grimani +to tell me that, if I had the audacity to present myself at his mansion, +his servants had received orders to turn me away. + +He landed me near the convent of the Jesuits, without any money, and with +nothing but what I had on my back. + +I went to beg a dinner from Madame Manzoni, who laughed heartily at the +realization of her prediction. After dinner I called upon M. Rosa to see +whether the law could protect me against the tyranny of my enemies, and +after he had been made acquainted with the circumstances of the case, he +promised to bring me the same evening, at Madame Orio's house, an +extra-judicial act. I repaired to the place of appointment to wait for +him, and to enjoy the pleasure of my two charming friends at my sudden +reappearance. It was indeed very great, and the recital of my adventures +did not astonish them less than my unexpected presence. M. Rosa came and +made me read the act which he had prepared; he had not had time to have +it engrossed by the notary, but he undertook to have it ready the next +day. + +I left Madame Orio to take supper with my brother Francois, who resided +with a painter called Guardi; he was, like me, much oppressed by the +tyranny of Grimani, and I promised to deliver him. Towards midnight I +returned to the two amiable sisters who were expecting me with their +usual loving impatience, but, I am bound to confess it with all humility, +my sorrows were prejudicial to love in spite of the fortnight of absence +and of abstinence. They were themselves deeply affected to see me so +unhappy, and pitied me with all their hearts. I endeavoured to console +them, and assured them that all my misery would soon come to an end, and +that we would make up for lost time. + +In the morning, having no money, and not knowing where to go, I went to +St. Mark's Library, where I remained until noon. I left it with the +intention of dining with Madame Manzoni, but I was suddenly accosted by a +soldier who informed me that someone wanted to speak to me in a gondola +to which he pointed. I answered that the person might as well come out, +but he quietly remarked that he had a friend at hand to conduct me +forcibly to the gondola, if necessary, and without any more hesitation I +went towards it. I had a great dislike to noise or to anything like a +public exhibition. I might have resisted, for the soldiers were unarmed, +and I would not have been taken up, this sort of arrest not being legal +in Venice, but I did not think of it. The 'sequere deum' was playing its +part; I felt no reluctance. Besides, there are moments in which a +courageous man has no courage, or disdains to shew it. + +I enter the gondola, the curtain is drawn aside, and I see my evil +genius, Razetta, with an officer. The two soldiers sit down at the prow; +I recognize M. Grimani's own gondola, it leaves the landing and takes the +direction of the Lido. No one spoke to me, and I remained silent. After +half-an-hour's sailing, the gondola stopped before the small entrance of +the Fortress St. Andre, at the mouth of the Adriatic, on the very spot +where the Bucentaur stands, when, on Ascension Day, the doge comes to +espouse the sea. + +The sentinel calls the corporal; we alight, the officer who accompanied +me introduces me to the major, and presents a letter to him. The major, +after reading its contents, gives orders to M. Zen, his adjutant, to +consign me to the guard-house. In another quarter of an hour my +conductors take their departure, and M. Zen brings me three livres and a +half, stating that I would receive the same amount every week. It was +exactly the pay of a private. + +I did not give way to any burst of passion, but I felt the most intense +indignation. Late in the evening I expressed a wish to have some food +bought, for I could not starve; then, stretching myself upon a hard camp +bed, I passed the night amongst the soldiers without closing my eyes, for +these Sclavonians were singing, eating garlic, smoking a bad tobacco +which was most noxious, and drinking a wine of their own country, as +black as ink, which nobody else could swallow. + +Early next morning Major Pelodoro (the governor of the fortress) called +me up to his room, and told me that, in compelling me to spend the night +in the guard-house, he had only obeyed the orders he had received from +Venice from the secretary of war. "Now, reverend sir," he added, "my +further orders are only to keep you a prisoner in the fort, and I am +responsible for your remaining here. I give you the whole of the fortress +for your prison. You shall have a good room in which you will find your +bed and all your luggage. Walk anywhere you please; but recollect that, +if you should escape, you would cause my ruin. I am sorry that my +instructions are to give you only ten sous a day, but if you have any +friends in Venice able to send you some money, write to them, and trust +to me for the security of your letters. Now you may go to bed, if you +need rest." + +I was taken to my room; it was large and on the first story, with two +windows from which I had a very fine view. I found my bed, and I +ascertained with great satisfaction that my trunk, of which I had the +keys, had not been forced open. The major had kindly supplied my table +with all the implements necessary for writing. A Sclavonian soldier +informed me very politely that he would attend upon me, and that I would +pay him for his services whenever I could, for everyone knew that I had +only ten sous a day. I began by ordering some soup, and, when I had +dispatched it, I went to bed and slept for nine hours. When I woke, I +received an invitation to supper from the major, and I began to imagine +that things, after all, would not be so very bad. + +I went to the honest governor, whom I found in numerous company. He +presented me to his wife and to every person present. I met there several +officers, the chaplain of the fortress, a certain Paoli Vida, one of the +singers of St. Mark's Church, and his wife, a pretty woman, sister-in-law +of the major, whom the husband chose to confine in the fort because he +was very jealous (jealous men are not comfortable at Venice), together +with several other ladies, not very young, but whom I thought very +agreeable, owing to their kind welcome. + +Cheerful as I was by nature, those pleasant guests easily managed to put +me in the best of humours. Everyone expressed a wish to know the reasons +which could have induced M. Grimani to send me to the fortress, so I gave +a faithful account of all my adventures since my grandmother's death. I +spoke for three hours without any bitterness, and even in a pleasant +tone, upon things which, said in a different manner, might have +displeased my audience; all expressed their satisfaction, and shewed so +much sympathy that, as we parted for the night, I received from all an +assurance of friendship and the offer of their services. This is a piece +of good fortune which has never failed me whenever I have been the victim +of oppression, until I reached the age of fifty. Whenever I met with +honest persons expressing a curiosity to know the history of the +misfortune under which I was labouring, and whenever I satisfied their +curiosity, I have inspired them with friendship, and with that sympathy +which was necessary to render them favourable and useful to me. + +That success was owing to a very simple artifice; it was only to tell my +story in a quiet and truthful manner, without even avoiding the facts +which told against me. It is simple secret that many men do not know, +because the larger portion of humankind is composed of cowards; a man who +always tells the truth must be possessed of great moral courage. +Experience has taught me that truth is a talisman, the charm of which +never fails in its effect, provided it is not wasted upon unworthy +people, and I believe that a guilty man, who candidly speaks the truth to +his judge, has a better chance of being acquitted, than the innocent man +who hesitates and evades true statements. Of course the speaker must be +young, or at least in the prime of manhood; for an old man finds the +whole of nature combined against him. + +The major had his joke respecting the visit paid and returned to the +seminarist's bed, but the chaplain and the ladies scolded him. The major +advised me to write out my story and send it to the secretary of war, +undertaking that he should receive it, and he assured me that he would +become my protector. All the ladies tried to induce me to follow the +major's advice. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +My Short Stay in Fort St. Andre--My First Repentance in Love Affairs I +Enjoy the Sweets of Revenge, and Prove a Clever Alibi--Arrest of Count +Bonafede--My Release--Arrival of the Bishop--Farewell to Venice + +The fort, in which the Republic usually kept only a garrison of one +hundred half-pay Sclavonians, happened to contain at that time two +thousand Albanian soldiers, who were called Cimariotes. + +The secretary of war, who was generally known under the title of 'sage a +l'ecriture', had summoned these men from the East in consequence of some +impending promotion, as he wanted the officers to be on the spot in order +to prove their merits before being rewarded. They all came from the part +of Epirus called Albania, which belongs to the Republic of Venice, and +they had distinguished themselves in the last war against the Turks. It +was for me a new and extraordinary sight to examine some eighteen or +twenty officers, all of an advanced age, yet strong and healthy, shewing +the scars which covered their face and their chest, the last naked and +entirely exposed through military pride. The lieutenant-colonel was +particularly conspicuous by his wounds, for, without exaggeration, he had +lost one-fourth of his head. He had but one eye, but one ear, and no jaw +to speak of. Yet he could eat very well, speak without difficulty, and +was very cheerful. He had with him all his family, composed of two pretty +daughters, who looked all the prettier in their national costume, and of +seven sons, every one of them a soldier. This lieutenant-colonel stood +six feet high, and his figure was magnificent, but his scars so +completely deformed his features that his face was truly horrid to look +at. Yet I found so much attraction in him that I liked him the moment I +saw him, and I would have been much pleased to converse with him if his +breath had not sent forth such a strong smell of garlic. All the +Albanians had their pockets full of it, and they enjoyed a piece of +garlic with as much relish as we do a sugar-plum. After this none can +maintain it to be a poison, though the only medicinal virtue it possesses +is to excite the appetite, because it acts like a tonic upon a weak +stomach. + +The lieutenant-colonel could not read, but he was not ashamed of his +ignorance, because not one amongst his men, except the priest and the +surgeon, could boast greater learning. Every man, officer or private, had +his purse full of gold; half of them, at least, were married, and we had +in the fortress a colony of five or six hundred women, with God knows how +many children! I felt greatly interested in them all. Happy idleness! I +often regret thee because thou hast often offered me new sights, and for +the same reason I hate old age which never offers but what I know +already, unless I should take up a gazette, but I cared nothing for them +in my young days. + +Alone in my room I made an inventory of my trunk, and having put aside +everything of an ecclesiastical character, I sent for a Jew, and sold the +whole parcel unmercifully. Then I wrote to M. Rosa, enclosing all the +tickets of the articles I had pledged, requesting him to have them sold +without any exception, and to forward me the surplus raised by the sale. +Thanks to that double operation, I was enabled to give my Sclavonian +servant the ten sous allowed to me every day. Another soldier, who had +been a hair-dresser, took care of my hair which I had been compelled to +neglect, in consequence of the rules of the seminary. I spent my time in +walking about the fort and through the barracks, and my two places of +resort were the major's apartment for some intellectual enjoyment, and +the rooms of the Albanian lieutenant-colonel for a sprinkling of love. +The Albanian feeling certain that his colonel would be appointed +brigadier, solicited the command of the regiment, but he had a rival and +he feared his success. I wrote him a petition, short, but so well +composed that the secretary of war, having enquired the name of the +author, gave the Albanian his colonelcy. On his return to the fort, the +brave fellow, overjoyed at his success, hugged me in his arms, saying +that he owed it all to me; he invited me to a family dinner, in which my +very soul was parched by his garlic, and he presented me with twelve +botargoes and two pounds of excellent Turkish tobacco. + +The result of my petition made all the other officers think that they +could not succeed without the assistance of my pen, and I willingly gave +it to everybody; this entailed many quarrels upon me, for I served all +interests, but, finding myself the lucky possessor of some forty sequins, +I was no longer in dread of poverty, and laughed at everything. However, +I met with an accident which made me pass six weeks in a very unpleasant +condition. + +On the 2nd of April, the fatal anniversary of my first appearance in this +world, as I was getting up in the morning, I received in my room the +visit of a very handsome Greek woman, who told me that her husband, then +ensign in the regiment, had every right to claim the rank of lieutenant, +and that he would certainly be appointed, if it were not for the +opposition of his captain who was against him, because she had refused +him certain favours which she could bestow only upon her husband. She +handed me some certificates, and begged me to write a petition which she +would present herself to the secretary of war, adding that she could only +offer me her heart in payment. I answered that her heart ought not to go +alone; I acted as I had spoken, and I met with no other resistance than +the objection which a pretty woman is always sure to feign for the sake +of appearance. After that, I told her to come back at noon, and that the +petition would be ready. She was exact to the appointment, and very +kindly rewarded me a second time; and in the evening, under pretence of +some alterations to be made in the petition, she afforded an excellent +opportunity of reaping a third recompense. + +But, alas! the path of pleasure is not strewn only with roses! On the +third day, I found out, much to my dismay, that a serpent had been hid +under the flowers. Six weeks of care and of rigid diet re-established my +health. + +When I met the handsome Greek again, I was foolish enough to reproach her +for the present she had bestowed upon me, but she baffled me by laughing, +and saying that she had only offered me what she possessed, and that it +was my own fault if I had not been sufficiently careful. The reader +cannot imagine how much this first misfortune grieved me, and what deep +shame I felt. I looked upon myself as a dishonoured man, and while I am +on that subject I may as well relate an incident which will give some +idea of my thoughtlessness. + +Madame Vida, the major's sister-in-law, being alone with me one morning, +confided in me in a moment of unreserved confidence what she had to +suffer from the jealous disposition of her husband, and his cruelty in +having allowed her to sleep alone for the last four years, when she was +in the very flower of her age. + +"I trust to God," she added, "that my husband will not find out that you +have spent an hour alone with me, for I should never hear the end of it." + +Feeling deeply for her grief, and confidence begetting confidence, I was +stupid enough to tell her the sad state to which I had been reduced by +the cruel Greek woman, assuring her that I felt my misery all the more +deeply, because I should have been delighted to console her, and to give +her the opportunity of a revenge for her jealous husband's coldness. At +this speech, in which my simplicity and good faith could easily be +traced, she rose from her chair, and upbraided me with every insult which +an outraged honest woman might hurl at the head of a bold libertine who +has presumed too far. Astounded, but understanding perfectly well the +nature of my crime, I bowed myself out of her room; but as I was leaving +it she told me in the same angry tone that my visits would not be welcome +for the future, as I was a conceited puppy, unworthy of the society of +good and respectable women. I took care to answer that a respectable +woman would have been rather more reserved than she had been in her +confidences. On reflection I felt pretty sure that, if I had been in good +health, or had said nothing about my mishap, she would have been but too +happy to receive my consolations. + +A few days after that incident I had a much greater cause to regret my +acquaintance with the Greek woman. On Ascension Day, as the ceremony of +the Bucentaur was celebrated near the fort, M. Rosa brought Madame Orio +and her two nieces to witness it, and I had the pleasure of treating them +all to a good dinner in my room. I found myself, during the day, alone +with my young friends in one of the casements, and they both loaded me +with the most loving caresses and kisses. I felt that they expected some +substantial proof of my love; but, to conceal the real state, of things, +I pretended to be afraid of being surprised, and they had to be satisfied +with my shallow excuse. + +I had informed my mother by letter of all I had suffered from Grimani's +treatment; she answered that she had written to him on the subject, that +she had no doubt he would immediately set me at liberty, and that an +arrangement had been entered into by which M. Grimani would devote the +money raised by Razetta from the sale of the furniture to the settlement +of a small patrimony on my youngest brother. But in this matter Grimani +did not act honestly, for the patrimony was only settled thirteen years +afterwards, and even then only in a fictitious manner. I shall have an +opportunity later on of mentioning this unfortunate brother, who died +very poor in Rome twenty years ago. + +Towards the middle of June the Cimariotes were sent back to the East, and +after their departure the garrison of the fort was reduced to its usual +number. I began to feel weary in this comparative solitude, and I gave +way to terrible fits of passion. + +The heat was intense, and so disagreeable to me that I wrote to M. +Grimani, asking for two summer suits of clothes, and telling him where +they would be found, if Razetta had not sold them. A week afterwards I +was in the major's apartment when I saw the wretch Razetta come in, +accompanied by a man whom he introduced as Petrillo, the celebrated +favourite of the Empress of Russia, just arrived from St. Petersburg. He +ought to have said infamous instead of celebrated, and clown instead of +favourite. + +The major invited them to take a seat, and Razetta, receiving a parcel +from Grimani's gondolier, handed it to me, saying, + +"I have brought you your rags; take them." + +I answered: + +"Some day I will bring you a 'rigano':" + +At these words the scoundrel dared to raise his cane, but the indignant +major compelled him to lower his tone by asking him whether he had any +wish to pass the night in the guard-house. Petrillo, who had not yet +opened his lips, told me then that he was sorry not to have found me in +Venice, as I might have shewn him round certain places which must be well +known to me. + +"Very likely we should have met your wife in such places," I answered. + +"I am a good judge of faces," he said, "and I can see that you are a true +gallows-bird." + +I was trembling with rage, and the major, who shared my utter disgust, +told them that he had business to transact, and they took their leave. +The major assured me that on the following day he would go to the war +office to complain of Razetta, and that he would have him punished for +his insolence. + +I remained alone, a prey to feelings of the deepest indignation, and to a +most ardent thirst for revenge. + +The fortress was entirely surrounded by water, and my windows were not +overlooked by any of the sentinels. A boat coming under my windows could +therefore easily take me to Venice during the night and bring me back to +the fortress before day-break. All that was necessary was to find a +boatman who, for a certain amount, would risk the galleys in case of +discovery. Amongst several who brought provisions to the fort, I chose a +boatman whose countenance pleased me, and I offered him one sequin; he +promised to let me know his decision on the following day. He was true to +his time, and declared himself ready to take me. He informed me that, +before deciding to serve me, he had wished to know whether I was kept in +the fort for any great crime, but as the wife of the major had told him +that my imprisonment had been caused by very trifling frolics, I could +rely upon him. We arranged that he should be under my window at the +beginning of the night, and that his boat should be provided with a mast +long enough to enable me to slide along it from the window to the boat. + +The appointed hour came, and everything being ready I got safely into the +boat, landed at the Sclavonian quay, ordered the boatman to wait for me, +and wrapped up in a mariner's cloak I took my way straight to the gate of +Saint-Sauveur, and engaged the waiter of a coffee-room to take me to +Razetta's house. + +Being quite certain that he would not be at home at that time, I rang the +bell, and I heard my sister's voice telling me that if I wanted to see +him I must call in the morning. Satisfied with this, I went to the foot +of the bridge and sat down, waiting there to see which way he would come, +and a few minutes before midnight I saw him advancing from the square of +Saint-Paul. It was all I wanted to know; I went back to my boat and +returned to the fort without any difficulty. At five o'clock in the +morning everyone in the garrison could see me enjoying my walk on the +platform. + +Taking all the time necessary to mature my plans, I made the following +arrangements to secure my revenge with perfect safety, and to prove an +alibi in case I should kill my rascally enemy, as it was my intention to +do. The day preceding the night fixed for my expedition, I walked about +with the son of the Adjutant Zen, who was only twelve years old, but who +amused me much by his shrewdness. The reader will meet him again in the +year 1771. As I was walking with him, I jumped down from one of the +bastions, and feigned to sprain my ankle. Two soldiers carried me to my +room, and the surgeon of the fort, thinking that I was suffering from a +luxation, ordered me to keep to bed, and wrapped up the ankle in towels +saturated with camphorated spirits of wine. Everybody came to see me, and +I requested the soldier who served me to remain and to sleep in my room. +I knew that a glass of brandy was enough to stupefy the man, and to make +him sleep soundly. As soon as I saw him fast asleep, I begged the surgeon +and the chaplain, who had his room over mine, to leave me, and at +half-past ten I lowered myself in the boat. + +As soon as I reached Venice, I bought a stout cudgel, and I sat myself +down on a door-step, at the corner of the street near Saint-Paul's +Square. A narrow canal at the end of the street, was, I thought, the very +place to throw my enemy in. That canal has now disappeared. + +At a quarter before twelve I see Razetta, walking along leisurely. I come +out of the street with rapid strides, keeping near the wall to compel him +to make room for me, and I strike a first blow on the head, and a second +on his arm; the third blow sends him tumbling in the canal, howling and +screaming my name. At the same instant a Forlan, or citizen of Forli, +comes out of a house on my left side with a lantern in his hand. A blow +from my cudgel knocks the lantern out of his grasp, and the man, +frightened out of his wits, takes to his heels. I throw away my stick, I +run at full speed through the square and over the bridge, and while +people are hastening towards the spot where the disturbance had taken +place, I jump into the boat, and, thanks to a strong breeze swelling our +sail, I get back to the fortress. Twelve o'clock was striking as I +re-entered my room through the window. I quickly undress myself, and the +moment I am in my bed I wake up the soldier by my loud screams, telling +him to go for the surgeon, as I am dying of the colic. + +The chaplain, roused by my screaming, comes down and finds me in +convulsions. In the hope that some diascordium would relieve me, the good +old man runs to his room and brings it, but while he has gone for some +water I hide the medicine. After half an hour of wry faces, I say that I +feel much better, and thanking all my friends, I beg them to retire, +which everyone does, wishing me a quiet sleep. + +The next morning I could not get up in consequence of my sprained ankle, +although I had slept very well; the major was kind enough to call upon me +before going to Venice, and he said that very likely my colic had been +caused by the melon I had eaten for my dinner the day before. + +The major returned at one o'clock in the afternoon. "I have good news to +give you," he said to me, with a joyful laugh. "Razetta was soundly +cudgelled last night and thrown into a canal." + +"Has he been killed?" + +"No; but I am glad of it for your sake, for his death would make your +position much more serious. You are accused of having done it." + +"I am very glad people think me guilty; it is something of a revenge, but +it will be rather difficult to bring it home to me." + +"Very difficult! All the same, Razetta swears he recognized you, and the +same declaration is made by the Forlan who says that you struck his hand +to make him drop his lantern. Razetta's nose is broken, three of his +teeth are gone, and his right arm is severely hurt. You have been accused +before the avogador, and M. Grimani has written to the war office to +complain of your release from the fortress without his knowledge. I +arrived at the office just in time. The secretary was reading Grimani's +letter, and I assured his excellency that it was a false report, for I +left you in bed this morning, suffering from a sprained ankle. I told him +likewise that at twelve o'clock last night you were very near death from +a severe attack of colic." + +"Was it at midnight that Razetta was so well treated?" + +"So says the official report. The war secretary wrote at once to M. +Grimani and informed him that you have not left the fort, and that you +are even now detained in it, and that the plaintiff is at liberty, if he +chooses, to send commissaries to ascertain the fact. Therefore, my dear +abbe, you must prepare yourself for an interrogatory." + +"I expect it, and I will answer that I am very sorry to be innocent." + +Three days afterwards, a commissary came to the fort with a clerk of the +court, and the proceedings were soon over. Everybody knew that I had +sprained my ankle; the chaplain, the surgeon, my body-servant, and +several others swore that at midnight I was in bed suffering from colic. +My alibi being thoroughly proved, the avogador sentenced Razetta and the +Forlan to pay all expenses without prejudice to my rights of action. + +After this judgment, the major advised me to address to the secretary of +war a petition which he undertook to deliver himself, and to claim my +release from the fort. I gave notice of my proceedings to M. Grimani, and +a week afterwards the major told me that I was free, and that he would +himself take me to the abbe. It was at dinnertime, and in the middle of +some amusing conversation, that he imparted that piece of information. +Not supposing him to be in earnest, and in order to keep up the joke, I +told him very politely that I preferred his house to Venice, and that, to +prove it, I would be happy to remain a week longer, if he would grant me +permission to do so. I was taken at my word, and everybody seemed very +pleased. But when, two hours later, the news was confirmed, and I could +no longer doubt the truth of my release, I repented the week which I had +so foolishly thrown away as a present to the major; yet I had not the +courage to break my word, for everybody, and particularly his wife, had +shown such unaffected pleasure, it would have been contemptible of me to +change my mind. The good woman knew that I owed her every kindness which +I had enjoyed, and she might have thought me ungrateful. + +But I met in the fort with a last adventure, which I must not forget to +relate. + +On the following day, an officer dressed in the national uniform called +upon the major, accompanied by an elderly man of about sixty years of +age, wearing a sword, and, presenting to the major a dispatch with the +seal of the war office, he waited for an answer, and went away as soon as +he had received one from the governor. + +After the officer had taken leave, the major, addressing himself to the +elderly gentleman, to whom he gave the title of count, told him that his +orders were to keep him a prisoner, and that he gave him the whole of the +fort for his prison. The count offered him his sword, but the major nobly +refused to take it, and escorted him to the room he was to occupy. Soon +after, a servant in livery brought a bed and a trunk, and the next +morning the same servant, knocking at my door, told me that his master +begged the honour of my company to breakfast. I accepted the invitation, +and he received me with these words: + +"Dear sir, there has been so much talk in Venice about the skill with +which you proved your incredible alibi, that I could not help asking for +the honour of your acquaintance." + +"But, count, the alibi being a true one, there can be no skill required +to prove it. Allow me to say that those who doubt its truth are paying me +a very poor compliment, for--" + +"Never mind; do not let us talk any more of that, and forgive me. But as +we happen to be companions in misfortune, I trust you will not refuse me +your friendship. Now for breakfast." + +After our meal, the count, who had heard from me some portion of my +history, thought that my confidence called for a return on his part, and +he began: "I am the Count de Bonafede. In my early days I served under +Prince Eugene, but I gave up the army, and entered on a civil career in +Austria. I had to fly from Austria and take refuge in Bavaria in +consequence of an unfortunate duel. In Munich I made the acquaintance of +a young lady belonging to a noble family; I eloped with her and brought +her to Venice, where we were married. I have now been twenty years in +Venice. I have six children, and everybody knows me. About a week ago I +sent my servant to the postoffice for my letters, but they were refused +him because he had not any money to pay the postage. I went myself, but +the clerk would not deliver me my letters, although I assured him that I +would pay for them the next time. This made me angry, and I called upon +the Baron de Taxis, the postmaster, and complained of the clerk, but he +answered very rudely that the clerk had simply obeyed his orders, and +that my letters would only be delivered on payment of the postage. I felt +very indignant, but as I was in his house I controlled my anger, went +home, and wrote a note to him asking him to give me satisfaction for his +rudeness, telling him that I would never go out without my sword, and +that I would force him to fight whenever and wherever I should meet him. +I never came across him, but yesterday I was accosted by the secretary of +the inquisitors, who told me that I must forget the baron's rude conduct, +and go under the guidance of an officer whom he pointed out to me, to +imprison myself for a week in this fortress. I shall thus have the +pleasure of spending that time with you." + +I told him that I had been free for the last twenty-four hours, but that +to shew my gratitude for his friendly confidence I would feel honoured if +he would allow me to keep him company. As I had already engaged myself +with the major, this was only a polite falsehood. + +In the afternoon I happened to be with him on the tower of the fort, and +pointed out a gondola advancing towards the lower gate; he took his +spy-glass and told me that it was his wife and daughter coming to see +him. We went to meet the ladies, one of whom might once have been worth +the trouble of an elopement; the other, a young person between fourteen +and sixteen, struck me as a beauty of a new style. Her hair was of a +beautiful light auburn, her eyes were blue and very fine, her nose a +Roman, and her pretty mouth, half-open and laughing, exposed a set of +teeth as white as her complexion, although a beautiful rosy tint somewhat +veiled the whiteness of the last. Her figure was so slight that it seemed +out of nature, but her perfectly-formed breast appeared an altar on which +the god of love would have delighted to breathe the sweetest incense. +This splendid chest was, however, not yet well furnished, but in my +imagination I gave her all the embonpoint which might have been desired, +and I was so pleased that I could not take my looks from her. I met her +eyes, and her laughing countenance seemed to say to me: "Only wait for +two years, at the utmost, and all that your imagination is now creating +will then exist in reality." + +She was elegantly dressed in the prevalent fashion, with large hoops, and +like the daughters of the nobility who have not yet attained the age of +puberty, although the young countess was marriageable. I had never dared +to stare so openly at the bosom of a young lady of quality, but I thought +there was no harm in fixing my eyes on a spot where there was nothing yet +but in expectation. + +The count, after having exchanged a few words in German with his wife, +presented me in the most flattering manner, and I was received with great +politeness. The major joined us, deeming it his duty to escort the +countess all over the fortress, and I improved the excellent opportunity +thrown in my way by the inferiority of my position; I offered my arm to +the young lady, and the count left us to go to his room. + +I was still an adept in the old Venetian fashion of attending upon +ladies, and the young countess thought me rather awkward, though I +believed myself very fashionable when I placed my hand under her arm, but +she drew it back in high merriment. Her mother turned round to enquire +what she was laughing at, and I was terribly confused when I heard her +answer that I had tickled her. + +"This is the way to offer your arm to a lady," she said, and she passed +her hand through my arm, which I rounded in the most clumsy manner, +feeling it a very difficult task to resume a dignified countenance. +Thinking me a novice of the most innocent species, she very likely +determined to make sport of me. She began by remarking that by rounding +my arm as I had done I placed it too far from her waist, and that I was +consequently out of drawing. I told her I did not know how to draw, and +inquired whether it was one of her accomplishments. + +"I am learning," she answered, "and when you call upon us I will shew you +Adam and Eve, after the Chevalier Liberi; I have made a copy which has +been found very fine by some professors, although they did not know it +was my work." + +"Why did you not tell them?" + +"Because those two figures are too naked." + +"I am not curious to see your Adam, but I will look at your Eve with +pleasure, and keep your secret." + +This answer made her laugh again, and again her mother turned round. I +put on the look of a simpleton, for, seeing the advantage I could derive +from her opinion of me, I had formed my plan at the very moment she tried +to teach me how to offer my arm to a lady. + +She was so convinced of my simplicity that she ventured to say that she +considered her Adam by far more beautiful than her Eve, because in her +drawing of the man she had omitted nothing, every muscle being visible, +while there was none conspicuous in Eve. "It is," she added, "a figure +with nothing in it." + +"Yet it is the one which I shall like best." + +"No; believe me, Adam will please you most." + +This conversation had greatly excited me. I had on a pair of linen +breeches, the weather being very warm.... I was afraid of the major and +the countess, who were a few yards in front of us, turning round .... I +was on thorns. To make matters worse, the young lady stumbled, one of her +shoes slipped off, and presenting me her pretty foot she asked me to put +the shoe right. I knelt on the ground, and, very likely without thinking, +she lifted up her skirt.... she had very wide hoops and no petticoat.... +what I saw was enough to strike me dead on the spot.... When I rose, she +asked if anything was the matter with me. + +A moment after, coming out of one of the casemates, her head-dress got +slightly out of order, and she begged that I would remedy the accident, +but, having to bend her head down, the state in which I was could no +longer remain a secret for her. In order to avoid greater confusion to +both of us, she enquired who had made my watch ribbon; I told her it was +a present from my sister, and she desired to examine it, but when I +answered her that it was fastened to the fob-pocket, and found that she +disbelieved me, I added that she could see for herself. She put her hand +to it, and a natural but involuntary excitement caused me to be very +indiscreet. She must have felt vexed, for she saw that she had made a +mistake in her estimate of my character; she became more timid, she would +not laugh any more, and we joined her mother and the major who was +shewing her, in a sentry-box, the body of Marshal de Schulenburg which +had been deposited there until the mausoleum erected for him was +completed. As for myself, I felt deeply ashamed. I thought myself the +first man who had alarmed her innocence, and I felt ready to do anything +to atone for the insult. + +Such was my delicacy of feeling in those days. I used to credit people +with exalted sentiments, which often existed only in my imagination. I +must confess that time has entirely destroyed that delicacy; yet I do not +believe myself worse than other men, my equals in age and inexperience. + +We returned to the count's apartment, and the day passed off rather +gloomily. Towards evening the ladies went away, but the countess gave me +a pressing invitation to call upon them in Venice. + +The young lady, whom I thought I had insulted, had made such a deep +impression upon me that the seven following days seemed very long; yet I +was impatient to see her again only that I might entreat her forgiveness, +and convince her of my repentance. + +The following day the count was visited by his son; he was +plain-featured, but a thorough gentleman, and modest withal. Twenty-five +years afterwards I met him in Spain, a cadet in the king's body-guard. He +had served as a private twenty years before obtaining this poor +promotion. The reader will hear of him in good time; I will only mention +here that when I met him in Spain, he stood me out that I had never known +him; his self-love prompted this very contemptible lie. + +Early on the eighth day the count left the fortress, and I took my +departure the same evening, having made an appointment at a coffee-house +in St. Mark's Square with the major who was to accompany me to M. +Grimani's house. I took leave of his wife, whose memory will always be +dear to me, and she said, "I thank you for your skill in proving your +alibi, but you have also to thank me for having understood you so well. +My husband never heard anything about it until it was all over." + +As soon as I reached Venice, I went to pay a visit to Madame Orio, where +I was made welcome. I remained to supper, and my two charming sweethearts +who were praying for the death of the bishop, gave me the most delightful +hospitality for the night. + +At noon the next day I met the major according to our appointment, and we +called upon the Abbe Grimani. He received me with the air of a guilty man +begging for mercy, and I was astounded at his stupidity when he entreated +me to forgive Razetta and his companion. He told me that the bishop was +expected very soon, and that he had ordered a room to be ready for me, +and that I could take my meals with him. Then he introduced me to M. +Valavero, a man of talent, who had just left the ministry of war, his +term of office having lasted the usual six months. I paid my duty to him, +and we kept up a kind of desultory conversation until the departure of +the major. When he had left us M. Valavero entreated me to confess that I +had been the guilty party in the attack upon Razetta. I candidly told him +that the thrashing had been my handiwork, and I gave him all the +particulars, which amused him immensely. He remarked that, as I had +perpetrated the affair before midnight, the fools had made a mistake in +their accusation; but that, after all, the mistake had not materially +helped me in proving the alibi, because my sprained ankle, which +everybody had supposed a real accident, would of itself have been +sufficient. + +But I trust that my kind reader has not forgotten that I had a very heavy +weight upon my conscience, of which I longed to get rid. I had to see the +goddess of my fancy, to obtain my pardon, or die at her feet. + +I found the house without difficulty; the count was not at home. The +countess received me very kindly, but her appearance caused me so great a +surprise that I did not know what to say to her. I had fancied that I was +going to visit an angel, that I would find her in a lovely paradise, and +I found myself in a large sitting-room furnished with four rickety chairs +and a dirty old table. There was hardly any light in the room because the +shutters were nearly closed. It might have been a precaution against the +heat, but I judged that it was more probably for the purpose of +concealing the windows, the glass of which was all broken. But this +visible darkness did not prevent me from remarking that the countess was +wrapped up in an old tattered gown, and that her chemise did not shine by +its cleanliness. Seeing that I was ill at ease, she left the room, saying +that she would send her daughter, who, a few minutes afterwards, came in +with an easy and noble appearance, and told me that she had expected me +with great impatience, but that I had surprised her at a time at which +she was not in the habit of receiving any visits. + +I did not know what to answer, for she did not seem to me to be the same +person. Her miserable dishabille made her look almost ugly, and I +wondered at the impression she had produced upon me at the fortress. She +saw my surprise, and partly guessed my thoughts, for she put on a look, +not of vexation, but of sorrow which called forth all my pity. If she had +been a philosopher she might have rightly despised me as a man whose +sympathy was enlisted only by her fine dress, her nobility, or her +apparent wealth; but she endeavoured to bring me round by her sincerity. +She felt that if she could call a little sentiment into play, it would +certainly plead in her favour. + +"I see that you are astonished, reverend sir, and I know the reason of +your surprise. You expected to see great splendour here, and you find +only misery. The government allows my father but a small salary, and +there are nine of us. As we must attend church on Sundays and holidays in +a style proper to our condition, we are often compelled to go without our +dinner, in order to get out of pledge the clothes which urgent need too +often obliges us to part with, and which we pledge anew on the following +day. If we did not attend mass, the curate would strike our names off the +list of those who share the alms of the Confraternity of the Poor, and +those alms alone keep us afloat." + +What a sad tale! She had guessed rightly. I was touched, but rather with +shame than true emotion. I was not rich myself, and, as I was no longer +in love, I only heaved a deep sigh, and remained as cold as ice. +Nevertheless, her position was painful, and I answered politely, speaking +with kindness and assuring her of my sympathy. "Were I wealthy," I said, +"I would soon shew you that your tale of woe has not fallen on unfeeling +ears; but I am poor, and, being at the eve of my departure from Venice, +even my friendship would be useless to you." Then, after some desultory +talk, I expressed a hope that her beauty would yet win happiness for her. +She seemed to consider for a few minutes, and said, "That may happen some +day, provided that the man who feels the power of my charms understands +that they can be bestowed only with my heart, and is willing to render me +the justice I deserve; I am only looking for a lawful marriage, without +dreaming of rank or fortune; I no longer believe in the first, and I know +how to live without the second; for I have been accustomed to poverty, +and even to abject need; but you cannot realize that. Come and see my +drawings." + +"You are very good, mademoiselle." + +Alas! I was not thinking of her drawings, and I could no longer feel +interested in her Eve, but I followed her. + +We came to a chamber in which I saw a table, a chair, a small +toilet-glass and a bed with the straw palliasse turned over, very likely +for the purpose of allowing the looker-on to suppose that there were +sheets underneath, but I was particularly disgusted by a certain smell, +the cause of which was recent; I was thunderstruck, and if I had been +still in love, this antidote would have been sufficiently powerful to +cure me instanter. I wished for nothing but to make my escape, never to +return, and I regretted that I could not throw on the table a handful of +ducats, which I should have considered the price of my ransom. + +The poor girl shewed me her drawings; they were fine, and I praised +them, without alluding particularly to Eve, and without venturing a joke +upon Adam. I asked her, for the sake of saying something, why she did not +try to render her talent remunerative by learning pastel drawing. + +"I wish I could," she answered, "but the box of chalks alone costs two +sequins." + +"Will you forgive me if I am bold enough to offer you six?" + +"Alas! I accept them gratefully, and to be indebted to you for such a +service makes me truly happy." + +Unable to keep back her tears, she turned her head round to conceal them +from me, and I took that opportunity of laying the money on the table, +and out of politeness, wishing to spare her every unnecessary +humiliation, I saluted her lips with a kiss which she was at liberty to +consider a loving one, as I wanted her to ascribe my reserve to the +respect I felt for her. I then left her with a promise to call another +day to see her father. I never kept my promise. The reader will see how I +met her again after ten years. + +How many thoughts crowded upon my mind as I left that house! What a +lesson! I compared reality with the imagination, and I had to give the +preference to the last, as reality is always dependent on it. I then +began to forsee a truth which has been clearly proved to me in my after +life, namely, that love is only a feeling of curiosity more or less +intense, grafted upon the inclination placed in us by nature that the +species may be preserved. And truly, woman is like a book, which, good or +bad, must at first please us by the frontispiece. If this is not +interesting, we do not feel any wish to read the book, and our wish is in +direct proportion to the interest we feel. The frontispiece of woman runs +from top to bottom like that of a book, and her feet, which are most +important to every man who shares my taste, offer the same interest as +the edition of the work. If it is true that most amateurs bestow little +or no attention upon the feet of a woman, it is likewise a fact that most +readers care little or nothing whether a book is of the first edition or +the tenth. At all events, women are quite right to take the greatest care +of their face, of their dress, of their general appearance; for it is +only by that part of the frontispiece that they can call forth a wish to +read them in those men who have not been endowed by nature with the +privilege of blindness. And just in the same manner that men, who have +read a great many books, are certain to feel at last a desire for +perusing new works even if they are bad, a man who has known many women, +and all handsome women, feels at last a curiosity for ugly specimens when +he meets with entirely new ones. It is all very well for his eye to +discover the paint which conceals the reality, but his passion has become +a vice, and suggests some argument in favour of the lying frontispiece. +It is possible, at least he thinks so, that the work may prove better +than the title-page, and the reality more acceptable than the paint which +hides it. He then tries to peruse the book, but the leaves have not been +opened; he meets with some resistance, the living book must be read +according to established rules, and the book-worm falls a victim to a +coquetry, the monster which persecutes all those who make a business of +love. As for thee, intelligent man, who hast read the few preceding +lines, let me tell thee that, if they do not assist in opening thy eyes, +thou art lost; I mean that thou art certain of being a victim to the fair +sex to the very last moment of thy life. If my candour does not displease +thee, accept my congratulations. In the evening I called upon Madame +Orio, as I wanted to inform her charming nieces that, being an inmate of +Grimani's house, I could not sleep out for the first night. I found there +the faithful Rosa, who told me that the affair of the alibi was in every +mouth, and that, as such celebrity was evidently caused by a very decided +belief in the untruth of the alibi itself, I ought to fear a retaliation +of the same sort on the part of Razetta, and to keep on my guard, +particularly at night. I felt all the importance of this advice, and I +took care never to go out in the evening otherwise than in a gondola, or +accompanied by some friends. Madame Manzoni told me that I was acting +wisely, because, although the judges could not do otherwise than acquit +me, everybody knew the real truth of the matter, and Razetta could not +fail to be my deadly foe. + +Three or four days afterwards M. Grimani announced the arrival of the +bishop, who had put up at the convent of his order, at Saint-Francois de +Paul. He presented me himself to the prelate as a jewel highly prized by +himself, and as if he had been the only person worthy of descanting upon +its beauty. + +I saw a fine monk wearing his pectoral cross. He would have reminded me +of Father Mancia if he had not looked stouter and less reserved. He was +about thirty-four, and had been made a bishop by the grace of God, the +Holy See, and my mother. After pronouncing over me a blessing, which I +received kneeling, and giving me his hand to kiss, he embraced me warmly, +calling me his dear son in the Latin language, in which he continued to +address me. I thought that, being a Calabrian, he might feel ashamed of +his Italian, but he undeceived me by speaking in that language to M. +Grimani. He told me that, as he could not take me with him from Venice, I +should have to proceed to Rome, where Grimani would take care to send me, +and that I would procure his address at Ancona from one of his friends, +called Lazari, a Minim monk, who would likewise supply me with the means +of continuing my journey. + +"When we meet in Rome," he added, "we can go together to Martorano by way +of Naples. Call upon me to-morrow morning, and have your breakfast with +me. I intend to leave the day after." + +As we were on our way back to his house, M. Grimani treated me to a long +lecture on morals, which nearly caused me to burst into loud laughter. +Amongst other things, he informed me that I ought not to study too hard, +because the air in Calabria was very heavy, and I might become +consumptive from too close application to my books. + +The next morning at day-break I went to the bishop. After saying his +mass, we took some chocolate, and for three hours he laid me under +examination. I saw clearly that he was not pleased with me, but I was +well enough pleased with him. He seemed to me a worthy man, and as he was +to lead me along the great highway of the Church, I felt attracted +towards him, for, at the time, although I entertained a good opinion of +my personal appearance, I had no confidence whatever in my talents. + +After the departure of the good bishop, M. Grimani gave me a letter left +by him, which I was to deliver to Father Lazari, at the Convent of the +Minims, in Ancona. M. Grimani informed me that he would send me to that +city with the ambassador from Venice, who was on the point of sailing. I +had therefore to keep myself in readiness, and, as I was anxious to be +out of his hands, I approved all his arrangements. As soon as I had +notice of the day on which the suite of the ambassador would embark, I +went to pay my last farewell to all my acquaintances. I left my brother +Francois in the school of M. Joli, a celebrated decorative painter. As +the peotta in which I was to sail would not leave before daybreak, I +spent the short night in the arms of the two sisters, who, this time, +entertained no hope of ever seeing me again. On my side I could not +forsee what would happen, for I was abandoning myself to fate, and I +thought it would be useless to think of the future. The night was +therefore spent between joy and sadness, between pleasures and tears. As +I bade them adieu, I returned the key which had opened so often for me +the road to happiness. + +This, my first love affair, did not give me any experience of the world, +for our intercourse was always a happy one, and was never disturbed by +any quarrel or stained by any interested motive. We often felt, all three +of us, as if we must raise our souls towards the eternal Providence of +God, to thank Him for having, by His particular protection, kept from us +all the accidents which might have disturbed the sweet peace we were +enjoying. + +I left in the hands of Madame Manzoni all my papers, and all the +forbidden books I possessed. The good woman, who was twenty years older +than I, and who, believing in an immutable destiny, took pleasure in +turning the leaves of the great book of fate, told me that she was +certain of restoring to me all I left with her, before the end of the +following year, at the latest. Her prediction caused me both surprise and +pleasure, and feeling deep reverence for her, I thought myself bound to +assist the realization of her foresight. After all, if she predicted the +future, it was not through superstition, or in consequence of some vain +foreboding which reason must condemn, but through her knowledge of the +world, and of the nature of the person she was addressing. She used to +laugh because she never made a mistake. + +I embarked from St: Mark's landing. M. Grimani had given me ten sequins, +which he thought would keep me during my stay in the lazzaretto of Ancona +for the necessary quarantine, after which it was not to be supposed that +I could want any money. I shared Grimani's certainty on the subject, and +with my natural thoughtlessness I cared nothing about it. Yet I must say +that, unknown to everybody, I had in my purse forty bright sequins, which +powerfully contributed to increase my cheerfulness, and I left Venice +full of joy and without one regret. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Venetian Years: Childhood And +Adolescence, by Jacques Casanova de Seingalt + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK VENETIAN YEARS: CHILDHOOD *** + +***** This file should be named 2951.txt or 2951.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/5/2951/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.07.00*END* + + + +This etext was prepared by David Widger, <widger@cecomet.net> + + + + + + +MEMOIRS OF JACQUES CASANOVA de SEINGALT 1725-1798 +VENETIAN YEARS, Volume 1a--CHILDHOOD + +THE RARE UNABRIDGED LONDON EDITION OF 1894 TRANSLATED BY ARTHUR MACHEN +TO WHICH HAS BEEN ADDED THE CHAPTERS DISCOVERED BY ARTHUR SYMONS. + + + + +CONTENTS: + + CASANOVA AT DUX + TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE + AUTHOR'S PREFACE + CHILDHOOD AND ADOLESCENCE + + + +CASANOVA AT DUX + +An Unpublished Chapter of History, By Arthur Symons + + +I + +The Memoirs of Casanova, though they have enjoyed the popularity of a +bad reputation, have never had justice done to them by serious +students of literature, of life, and of history. One English writer, +indeed, Mr. Havelock Ellis, has realised that 'there are few more +delightful books in the world,' and he has analysed them in an essay +on Casanova, published in Affirmations, with extreme care and +remarkable subtlety. But this essay stands alone, at all events in +English, as an attempt to take Casanova seriously, to show him in his +relation to his time, and in his relation to human problems. And yet +these Memoirs are perhaps the most valuable document which we possess +on the society of the eighteenth century; they are the history of a +unique life, a unique personality, one of the greatest of +autobiographies; as a record of adventures, they are more +entertaining than Gil Blas, or Monte Cristo, or any of the imaginary +travels, and escapes, and masquerades in life, which have been +written in imitation of them. They tell the story of a man who loved +life passionately for its own sake: one to whom woman was, indeed, +the most important thing in the world, but to whom nothing in the +world was indifferent. The bust which gives us the most lively +notion of him shows us a great, vivid, intellectual face, full of +fiery energy and calm resource, the face of a thinker and a fighter +in one. A scholar, an adventurer, perhaps a Cabalist, a busy stirrer +in politics, a gamester, one 'born for the fairer sex,' as he tells +us, and born also to be a vagabond; this man, who is remembered now +for his written account of his own life, was that rarest kind of +autobiographer, one who did not live to write, but wrote because he +had lived, and when he could live no longer. + +And his Memoirs take one all over Europe, giving sidelights, all the +more valuable in being almost accidental, upon many of the affairs +and people most interesting to us during two-thirds of the eighteenth +century. Giacomo Casanova was born in Venice, of Spanish and Italian +parentage, on April 2, 1725; he died at the Chateau of Dux, in +Bohemia, on June 4, 1798. In that lifetime of seventy-three years he +travelled, as his Memoirs show us, in Italy, France, Germany, +Austria, England, Switzerland, Belgium, Russia, Poland, Spain, +Holland, Turkey; he met Voltaire at Ferney, Rousseau at Montmorency, +Fontenelle, d'Alembert and Crebillon at Paris, George III. in London, +Louis XV. at Fontainebleau, Catherine the Great at St. Petersburg, +Benedict XII. at Rome, Joseph II. at Vienna, Frederick the Great at +Sans-Souci. Imprisoned by the Inquisitors of State in the Piombi at +Venice, he made, in 1755, the most famous escape in history. His +Memoirs, as we have them, break off abruptly at the moment when he is +expecting a safe conduct, and the permission to return to Venice +after twenty years' wanderings. He did return, as we know from +documents in the Venetian archives; he returned as secret agent of +the Inquisitors, and remained in their service from 1774 until 1782. +At the end of 1782 he left Venice; and next year we find him in +Paris, where, in 1784, he met Count Waldstein at the Venetian +Ambassador's, and was invited by him to become his librarian at Dux. +He accepted, and for the fourteen remaining years of his life lived +at Dux, where he wrote his Memoirs. + +Casanova died in 1798, but nothing was heard of the Memoirs (which +the Prince de Ligne, in his own Memoirs, tells us that Casanova had +read to him, and in which he found 'du dyamatique, de la rapidite, du +comique, de la philosophie, des choses neuves, sublimes, inimitables +meme') until the year 1820, when a certain Carlo Angiolini brought to +the publishing house of Brockhaus, in Leipzig, a manuscript entitled +Histoire de ma vie jusqua Pan 1797, in the handwriting of Casanova. +This manuscript, which I have examined at Leipzig, is written on +foolscap paper, rather rough and yellow; it is written on both sides +of the page, and in sheets or quires; here and there the paging shows +that some pages have been omitted, and in their place are smaller +sheets of thinner and whiter paper, all in Casanova's handsome, +unmistakable handwriting. The manuscript is done up in twelve +bundles, corresponding with the twelve volumes of the original +edition; and only in one place is there a gap. The fourth and fifth +chapters of the twelfth volume are missing, as the editor of the +original edition points out, adding: 'It is not probable that these +two chapters have been withdrawn from the manuscript of Casanova by a +strange hand; everything leads us to believe that the author himself +suppressed them, in the intention, no doubt, of re-writing them, but +without having found time to do so.' The manuscript ends abruptly +with the year 1774, and not with the year 1797, as the title would +lead us to suppose. + +This manuscript, in its original state, has never been printed. Herr +Brockhaus, on obtaining possession of the manuscript, had it +translated into German by Wilhelm Schutz, but with many omissions and +alterations, and published this translation, volume by volume, from +1822 to 1828, under the title, 'Aus den Memoiren des Venetianers +Jacob Casanova de Seingalt.' While the German edition was in course +of publication, Herr Brockhaus employed a certain Jean Laforgue, a +professor of the French language at Dresden, to revise the original +manuscript, correcting Casanova's vigorous, but at times incorrect, +and often somewhat Italian, French according to his own notions of +elegant writing, suppressing passages which seemed too free-spoken +from the point of view of morals and of politics, and altering the +names of some of the persons referred to, or replacing those names by +initials. This revised text was published in twelve volumes, the +first two in 1826, the third and fourth in 1828, the fifth to the +eighth in 1832, and the ninth to the twelfth in 1837; the first four +bearing the imprint of Brockhaus at Leipzig and Ponthieu et Cie at +Paris; the next four the imprint of Heideloff et Campe at Paris; and +the last four nothing but 'A Bruxelles.' The volumes are all +uniform, and were all really printed for the firm of Brockhaus. +This, however far from representing the real text, is the only +authoritative edition, and my references throughout this article will +always be to this edition. + +In turning over the manuscript at Leipzig, I read some of the +suppressed passages, and regretted their suppression; but Herr +Brockhaus, the present head of the firm, assured me that they are not +really very considerable in number. The damage, however, to the +vivacity of the whole narrative, by the persistent alterations of M. +Laforgue, is incalculable. I compared many passages, and found +scarcely three consecutive sentences untouched. Herr Brockhaus +(whose courtesy I cannot sufficiently acknowledge) was kind enough to +have a passage copied out for me, which I afterwards read over, and +checked word by word. In this passage Casanova says, for instance: +'Elle venoit presque tous les jours lui faire une belle visite.' +This is altered into: 'Cependant chaque jour Therese venait lui faire +une visite.' Casanova says that some one 'avoit, comme de raison, +forme le projet d'allier Dieu avec le diable.' This is made to read: +'Qui, comme de raison, avait saintement forme le projet d'allier les +interets du ciel aux oeuvres de ce monde.' Casanova tells us that +Therese would not commit a mortal sin 'pour devenir reine du monde;' +pour une couronne,' corrects the indefatigable Laforgue. 'Il ne +savoit que lui dire' becomes 'Dans cet etat de perplexite;' and so +forth. It must, therefore, be realized that the Memoirs, as we have +them, are only a kind of pale tracing of the vivid colours of the +original. + +When Casanova's Memoirs were first published, doubts were expressed +as to their authenticity, first by Ugo Foscolo (in the Westminster +Review, 1827), then by Querard, supposed to be an authority in regard +to anonymous and pseudonymous writings, finally by Paul Lacroix, 'le +bibliophile Jacob', who suggested, or rather expressed his +'certainty,' that the real author of the Memoirs was Stendhal, whose +'mind, character, ideas and style' he seemed to recognise on every +page. This theory, as foolish and as unsupported as the Baconian +theory of Shakespeare, has been carelessly accepted, or at all events +accepted as possible, by many good scholars who have never taken the +trouble to look into the matter for themselves. It was finally +disproved by a series of articles of Armand Baschet, entitled +'Preuves curieuses de l'authenticite des Memoires de Jacques Casanova +de Seingalt,' in 'Le Livre,' January, February, April and May, +1881; and these proofs were further corroborated by two articles of +Alessandro d'Ancona, entitled 'Un Avventuriere del Secolo XVIII., in +the 'Nuovo Antologia,' February 1 and August 1, 1882. Baschet had +never himself seen the manuscript of the Memoirs, but he had learnt +all the facts about it from Messrs. Brockhaus, and he had himself +examined the numerous papers relating to Casanova in the Venetian +archives. A similar examination was made at the Frari at about the +same time by the Abbe Fulin; and I myself, in 1894, not knowing at +the time that the discovery had been already made, made it over again +for myself. There the arrest of Casanova, his imprisonment in the +Piombi, the exact date of his escape, the name of the monk who +accompanied him, are all authenticated by documents contained in the +'riferte' of the Inquisition of State; there are the bills for the +repairs of the roof and walls of the cell from which he escaped; +there are the reports of the spies on whose information he was +arrested, for his too dangerous free-spokenness in matters of +religion and morality. The same archives contain forty-eight letters +of Casanova to the Inquisitors of State, dating from 1763 to 1782, +among the Riferte dei Confidenti, or reports of secret agents; the +earliest asking permission to return to Venice, the rest giving +information in regard to the immoralities of the city, after his +return there; all in the same handwriting as the Memoirs. Further +proof could scarcely be needed, but Baschet has done more than prove +the authenticity, he has proved the extraordinary veracity, of the +Memoirs. F. W. Barthold, in 'Die Geschichtlichen Personlichkeiten +in J. Casanova's Memoiren,' 2 vols., 1846, had already examined about +a hundred of Casanova's allusions to well known people, showing the +perfect exactitude of all but six or seven, and out of these six or +seven inexactitudes ascribing only a single one to the author's +intention. Baschet and d'Ancona both carry on what Barthold had +begun; other investigators, in France, Italy and Germany, have +followed them; and two things are now certain, first, that Casanova +himself wrote the Memoirs published under his name, though not +textually in the precise form in which we have them; and, second, +that as their veracity becomes more and more evident as they are +confronted with more and more independent witnesses, it is only fair +to suppose that they are equally truthful where the facts are such as +could only have been known to Casanova himself. + + +II + +For more than two-thirds of a century it has been known that Casanova +spent the last fourteen years of his life at Dux, that he wrote his +Memoirs there, and that he died there. During all this time people +have been discussing the authenticity and the truthfulness of the +Memoirs, they have been searching for information about Casanova in +various directions, and yet hardly any one has ever taken the +trouble, or obtained the permission, to make a careful examination in +precisely the one place where information was most likely to be +found. The very existence of the manuscripts at Dux was known only +to a few, and to most of these only on hearsay; and thus the singular +good fortune was reserved for me, on my visit to Count Waldstein in +September 1899, to be the first to discover the most interesting +things contained in these manuscripts. M. Octave Uzanne, though he +had not himself visited Dux, had indeed procured copies of some of +the manuscripts, a few of which were published by him in Le Livre, in +1887 and 1889. But with the death of Le Livre in 1889 the 'Casanova +inedit' came to an end, and has never, so far as I know, been +continued elsewhere. Beyond the publication of these fragments, +nothing has been done with the manuscripts at Dux, nor has an account +of them ever been given by any one who has been allowed to examine +them. + +For five years, ever since I had discovered the documents in the +Venetian archives, I had wanted to go to Dux; and in 1899, when I was +staying with Count Lutzow at Zampach, in Bohemia, I found the way +kindly opened for me. Count Waldstein, the present head of the +family, with extreme courtesy, put all his manuscripts at my +disposal, and invited me to stay with him. Unluckily, he was called +away on the morning of the day that I reached Dux. He had left +everything ready for me, and I was shown over the castle by a friend +of his, Dr. Kittel, whose courtesy I should like also to acknowledge. +After a hurried visit to the castle we started on the long drive to +Oberleutensdorf, a smaller Schloss near Komotau, where the Waldstein +family was then staying. The air was sharp and bracing; the two +Russian horses flew like the wind; I was whirled along in an +unfamiliar darkness, through a strange country, black with coal +mines, through dark pine woods, where a wild peasantry dwelt in +little mining towns. Here and there, a few men and women passed us +on the road, in their Sunday finery; then a long space of silence, +and we were in the open country, galloping between broad fields; and +always in a haze of lovely hills, which I saw more distinctly as we +drove back next morning. + +The return to Dux was like a triumphal entry, as we dashed through +the market-place filled with people come for the Monday market, pots +and pans and vegetables strewn in heaps all over the ground, on the +rough paving stones, up to the great gateway of the castle, leaving +but just room for us to drive through their midst. I had the +sensation of an enormous building: all Bohemian castles are big, but +this one was like a royal palace. Set there in the midst of the +town, after the Bohemian fashion, it opens at the back upon great +gardens, as if it were in the midst of the country. I walked through +room after room, along corridor after corridor; everywhere there were +pictures, everywhere portraits of Wallenstein, and battle-scenes in +which he led on his troops. The library, which was formed, or at +least arranged, by Casanova, and which remains as he left it, +contains some 25,000 volumes, some of them of considerable value; one +of the most famous books in Bohemian literature, Skala's History of +the Church, exists in manuscript at Dux, and it is from this +manuscript that the two published volumes of it were printed. The +library forms part of the Museum, which occupies a ground-floor wing +of the castle. The first room is an armoury, in which all kinds of +arms are arranged, in a decorative way, covering the ceiling and the +walls with strange patterns. The second room contains pottery, +collected by Casanova's Waldstein on his Eastern travels. The third +room is full of curious mechanical toys, and cabinets, and carvings +in ivory. Finally, we come to the library, contained in the two +innermost rooms. The book-shelves are painted white, and reach to +the low-vaulted ceilings, which are whitewashed. At the end of a +bookcase, in the corner of one of the windows, hangs a fine engraved +portrait of Casanova. + +After I had been all over the castle, so long Casanova's home, I was +taken to Count Waldstein's study, and left there with the +manuscripts. I found six huge cardboard cases, large enough to +contain foolscap paper, lettered on the back: 'Grafl. Waldstein- +Wartenberg'sches Real Fideicommiss. Dux-Oberleutensdorf: +Handschriftlicher Nachlass Casanova.' The cases were arranged so as +to stand like books; they opened at the side; and on opening them, +one after another, I found series after series of manuscripts roughly +thrown together, after some pretence at arrangement, and lettered +with a very generalised description of contents. The greater part of +the manuscripts were in Casanova's handwriting, which I could see +gradually beginning to get shaky with years. Most were written in +French, a certain number in Italian. The beginning of a catalogue in +the library, though said to be by him, was not in his handwriting. +Perhaps it was taken down at his dictation. There were also some +copies of Italian and Latin poems not written by him. Then there +were many big bundles of letters addressed to him, dating over more +than thirty years. Almost all the rest was in his own handwriting. + +I came first upon the smaller manuscripts, among which I, found, +jumbled together on the same and on separate scraps of paper, +washing-bills, accounts, hotel bills, lists of letters written, first +drafts of letters with many erasures, notes on books, theological and +mathematical notes, sums, Latin quotations, French and Italian +verses, with variants, a long list of classical names which have and +have not been 'francises,' with reasons for and against; 'what I must +wear at Dresden'; headings without anything to follow, such as: +'Reflexions on respiration, on the true cause of youth-the crows'; a +new method of winning the lottery at Rome; recipes, among which is a +long printed list of perfumes sold at Spa; a newspaper cutting, dated +Prague, 25th October 1790, on the thirty-seventh balloon ascent of +Blanchard; thanks to some 'noble donor' for the gift of a dog called +'Finette'; a passport for 'Monsieur de Casanova, Venitien, allant +d'ici en Hollande, October 13, 1758 (Ce Passeport bon pour quinze +jours)', together with an order for post-horses, gratis, from Paris +to Bordeaux and Bayonne.' + +Occasionally, one gets a glimpse into his daily life at Dux, as in +this note, scribbled on a fragment of paper (here and always I +translate the French literally): 'I beg you to tell my servant what +the biscuits are that I like to eat; dipped in wine, to fortify my +stomach. I believe that they can all be found at Roman's.' Usually, +however, these notes, though often suggested by something closely +personal, branch off into more general considerations; or else begin +with general considerations, and end with a case in point. Thus, for +instance, a fragment of three pages begins: 'A compliment which is +only made to gild the pill is a positive impertinence, and Monsieur +Bailli is nothing but a charlatan; the monarch ought to have spit in +his face, but the monarch trembled with fear.' A manuscript entitled +'Essai d'Egoisme,' dated, 'Dux, this 27th June, 1769,' contains, in +the midst of various reflections, an offer to let his 'appartement' +in return for enough money to 'tranquillise for six months two Jew +creditors at Prague.' Another manuscript is headed 'Pride and +Folly,' and begins with a long series of antitheses, such as: 'All +fools are not proud, and all proud men are fools. Many fools are +happy, all proud men are unhappy.' On the same sheet follows this +instance or application: + +Whether it is possible to compose a Latin distich of the greatest +beauty without knowing either the Latin language or prosody. We must +examine the possibility and the impossibility, and afterwards see who +is the man who says he is the author of the distich, for there are +extraordinary people in the world. My brother, in short, ought to +have composed the distich, because he says so, and because he +confided it to me tete-'a-tete. I had, it is true, difficulty in +believing him; but what is one to do! Either one must believe, or +suppose him capable of telling a lie which could only be told by a +fool; and that is impossible, for all Europe knows that my brother is +not a fool. + +Here, as so often in these manuscripts, we seem to see Casanova +thinking on paper. He uses scraps of paper (sometimes the blank page +of a letter, on the other side of which we see the address) as a kind +of informal diary; and it is characteristic of him, of the man of +infinitely curious mind, which this adventurer really was, that there +are so few merely personal notes among these casual jottings. Often, +they are purely abstract; at times, metaphysical 'jeux d'esprit,' +like the sheet of fourteen 'Different Wagers,' which begins: + +I wager that it is not true that a man who weighs a hundred pounds +will weigh more if you kill him. I wager that if there is any +difference, he will weigh less. I wager that diamond powder has not +sufficient force to kill a man. + +Side by side with these fanciful excursions into science, come more +serious ones, as in the note on Algebra, which traces its progress +since the year 1494, before which 'it had only arrived at the +solution of problems of the second degree, inclusive.' A scrap of +paper tells us that Casanova 'did not like regular towns.' 'I like,' +he says, 'Venice, Rome, Florence, Milan, Constantinople, Genoa.' +Then he becomes abstract and inquisitive again, and writes two pages, +full of curious, out-of-the-way learning, on the name of Paradise: + +The name of Paradise is a name in Genesis which indicates a place of +pleasure (lieu voluptueux): this term is Persian. This place of +pleasure was made by God before he had created man. + +It may be remembered that Casanova quarrelled with Voltaire, because +Voltaire had told him frankly that his translation of L'Ecossaise was +a bad translation. It is piquant to read another note written in +this style of righteous indignation: + +Voltaire, the hardy Voltaire, whose pen is without bit or bridle; +Voltaire, who devoured the Bible, and ridiculed our dogmas, doubts, +and after having made proselytes to impiety, is not ashamed, being +reduced to the extremity of life, to ask for the sacraments, and to +cover his body with more relics than St. Louis had at Amboise. + +Here is an argument more in keeping with the tone of the Memoirs: + +A girl who is pretty and good, and as virtuous as you please, ought +not to take it ill that a man, carried away by her charms, should set +himself to the task of making their conquest. If this man cannot +please her by any means, even if his passion be criminal, she ought +never to take offence at it, nor treat him unkindly; she ought to be +gentle, and pity him, if she does not love him, and think it enough +to keep invincibly hold upon her own duty. + +Occasionally he touches upon aesthetical matters, as in a fragment +which begins with this liberal definition of beauty: + +Harmony makes beauty, says M. de S. P. (Bernardin de St. Pierre), but +the definition is too short, if he thinks he has said everything. +Here is mine. Remember that the subject is metaphysical. An object +really beautiful ought to seem beautiful to all whose eyes fall upon +it. That is all; there is nothing more to be said. + +At times we have an anecdote and its commentary, perhaps jotted down +for use in that latter part of the Memoirs which was never written, +or which has been lost. Here is a single sheet, dated 'this 2nd +September, 1791,' and headed Souvenir: + +The Prince de Rosenberg said to me, as we went down stairs, that +Madame de Rosenberg was dead, and asked me if the Comte de Waldstein +had in the library the illustration of the Villa d'Altichiero, which +the Emperor had asked for in vain at the city library of Prague, and +when I answered 'yes,' he gave an equivocal laugh. A moment +afterwards, he asked me if he might tell the Emperor. 'Why not, +monseigneur? It is not a secret, 'Is His Majesty coming to Dux?' +'If he goes to Oberlaitensdorf (sic) he will go to Dux, too; and he +may ask you for it, for there is a monument there which relates to +him when he was Grand Duke.' 'In that case, His Majesty can also see +my critical remarks on the Egyptian prints.' + +The Emperor asked me this morning, 6th October, how I employed my +time at Dux, and I told him that I was making an Italian anthology. +'You have all the Italians, then?' 'All, sire.' See what a lie +leads to. If I had not lied in saying that I was making an +anthology, I should not have found myself obliged to lie again in +saying that we have all the Italian poets. If the Emperor comes to +Dux, I shall kill myself. + +'They say that this Dux is a delightful spot,' says Casanova in one +of the most personal of his notes, 'and I see that it might be for +many; but not for me, for what delights me in my old age is +independent of the place which I inhabit. When I do not sleep I +dream, and when I am tired of dreaming I blacken paper, then I read, +and most often reject all that my pen has vomited.' Here we see him +blackening paper, on every occasion, and for every purpose. In one +bundle I found an unfinished story about Roland, and some adventure +with women in a cave; then a 'Meditation on arising from sleep, 19th +May 1789'; then a 'Short Reflection of a Philosopher who finds +himself thinking of procuring his own death. At Dux, on getting out +of bed on 13th October 1793, day dedicated to St. Lucy, memorable in +my too long life.' A big budget, containing cryptograms, is headed +'Grammatical Lottery'; and there is the title-page of a treatise on +The Duplication of the Hexahedron, demonstrated geometrically to all +the Universities and all the Academies of Europe.' [See Charles +Henry, Les Connaissances Mathimatiques de Casanova. Rome, 1883.] +There are innumerable verses, French and Italian, in all stages, +occasionally attaining the finality of these lines, which appear in +half a dozen tentative forms: + + 'Sans mystere point de plaisirs, + Sans silence point de mystere. + Charme divin de mes loisirs, + Solitude! que tu mes chere! + +Then there are a number of more or less complete manuscripts of some +extent. There is the manuscript of the translation of Homer's +'Iliad, in ottava rima (published in Venice, 1775-8); of the +'Histoire de Venise,' of the 'Icosameron,' a curious book published +in 1787, purporting to be 'translated from English,' but really an +original work of Casanova; 'Philocalies sur les Sottises des +Mortels,' a long manuscript never published; the sketch and beginning +of 'Le Pollmarque, ou la Calomnie demasquee par la presence d'esprit. +Tragicomedie en trois actes, composed a Dux dans le mois de Juin de +l'Annee, 1791,' which recurs again under the form of the +'Polemoscope: La Lorgnette menteuse ou la Calomnie demasquge,' acted +before the Princess de Ligne, at her chateau at Teplitz, 1791. There +is a treatise in Italian, 'Delle Passioni'; there are long dialogues, +such as 'Le Philosophe et le Theologien', and 'Reve': 'Dieu-Moi'; +there is the 'Songe d'un Quart d'Heure', divided into minutes; there +is the very lengthy criticism of 'Bernardin de Saint-Pierre'; there +is the 'Confutation d'une Censure indiscrate qu'on lit dans la +Gazette de Iena, 19 Juin 1789'; with another large manuscript, +unfortunately imperfect, first called 'L'Insulte', and then 'Placet +au Public', dated 'Dux, this 2nd March, 1790,' referring to the same +criticism on the 'Icosameron' and the 'Fuite des Prisons. L'Histoire +de ma Fuite des Prisons de la Republique de Venise, qu'on appelle les +Plombs', which is the first draft of the most famous part of the +Memoirs, was published at Leipzig in 1788; and, having read it in the +Marcian Library at Venice, I am not surprised to learn from this +indignant document that it was printed 'under the care of a young +Swiss, who had the talent to commit a hundred faults of orthography.' + + +III + +We come now to the documents directly relating to the Memoirs, and +among these are several attempts at a preface, in which we see the +actual preface coming gradually into form. One is entitled 'Casanova +au Lecteur', another 'Histoire de mon Existence', and a third +Preface. There is also a brief and characteristic 'Precis de ma +vie', dated November 17, 1797. Some of these have been printed in Le +Livre, 1887. But by far the most important manuscript that I +discovered, one which, apparently, I am the first to discover, is a +manuscript entitled 'Extrait du Chapitre 4 et 5. It is written on +paper similar to that on which the Memoirs are written; the pages are +numbered 104-148; and though it is described as Extrait, it seems to +contain, at all events, the greater part of the missing chapters to +which I have already referred, Chapters IV. and V. of the last +volume of the Memoirs. In this manuscript we find Armeliine and +Scolastica, whose story is interrupted by the abrupt ending of +Chapter III.; we find Mariuccia of Vol. VII, Chapter IX., who married +a hairdresser; and we find also Jaconine, whom Casanova recognises as +his daughter, 'much prettier than Sophia, the daughter of Therese +Pompeati, whom I had left at London.' It is curious that this very +important manuscript, which supplies the one missing link in the +Memoirs, should never have been discovered by any of the few people +who have had the opportunity of looking over the Dux manuscripts. I +am inclined to explain it by the fact that the case in which I found +this manuscript contains some papers not relating to Casanova. +Probably, those who looked into this case looked no further. I have +told Herr Brockhaus of my discovery, and I hope to see Chapters IV. +and V. in their places when the long-looked-for edition of the +complete text is at length given to the world. + +Another manuscript which I found tells with great piquancy the whole +story of the Abbe de Brosses' ointment, the curing of the Princess de +Conti's pimples, and the birth of the Duc de Montpensier, which is +told very briefly, and with much less point, in the Memoirs (vol. +iii., p. 327). Readers of the Memoirs will remember the duel at +Warsaw with Count Branicki in 1766 (vol. X., pp. 274-320), an affair +which attracted a good deal of attention at the time, and of which +there is an account in a letter from the Abbe Taruffi to the +dramatist, Francesco Albergati, dated Warsaw, March 19, 1766, quoted +in Ernesto Masi's Life of Albergati, Bologna, 1878. A manuscript at +Dux in Casanova's handwriting gives an account of this duel in the +third person; it is entitled, 'Description de l'affaire arrivee a +Varsovie le 5 Mars, 1766'. D'Ancona, in the Nuova Antologia (vol. +lxvii., p. 412), referring to the Abbe Taruffi's account, mentions +what he considers to be a slight discrepancy: that Taruffi refers to +the danseuse, about whom the duel was fought, as La Casacci, while +Casanova refers to her as La Catai. In this manuscript Casanova +always refers to her as La Casacci; La Catai is evidently one of M. +Laforgue's arbitrary alterations of the text. + +In turning over another manuscript, I was caught by the name +Charpillon, which every reader of the Memoirs will remember as the +name of the harpy by whom Casanova suffered so much in London, in +1763-4. This manuscript begins by saying: 'I have been in London for +six months and have been to see them (that is, the mother and +daughter) in their own house,' where he finds nothing but 'swindlers, +who cause all who go there to lose their money in gambling.' This +manuscript adds some details to the story told in the ninth and tenth +volumes of the Memoirs, and refers to the meeting with the +Charpillons four and a half years before, described in Volume V., +pages 428-485. It is written in a tone of great indignation. +Elsewhere, I found a letter written by Casanova, but not signed, +referring to an anonymous letter which he had received in reference +to the Charpillons, and ending: 'My handwriting is known.' It was +not until the last that I came upon great bundles of letters +addressed to Casanova, and so carefully preserved that little scraps +of paper, on which postscripts are written, are still in their +places. One still sees the seals on the backs of many of the +letters, on paper which has slightly yellowed with age, leaving the +ink, however, almost always fresh. They come from Venice, Paris, +Rome, Prague, Bayreuth, The Hague, Genoa, Fiume, Trieste, etc., and +are addressed to as many places, often poste restante. Many are +letters from women, some in beautiful handwriting, on thick paper; +others on scraps of paper, in painful hands, ill-spelt. A Countess +writes pitifully, imploring help; one protests her love, in spite of +the 'many chagrins' he has caused her; another asks 'how they are to +live together'; another laments that a report has gone about that she +is secretly living with him, which may harm his reputation. Some are +in French, more in Italian. 'Mon cher Giacometto', writes one woman, +in French; 'Carissimo a Amatissimo', writes another, in Italian. +These letters from women are in some confusion, and are in need of a +good deal of sorting over and rearranging before their full extent +can be realised. Thus I found letters in the same handwriting +separated by letters in other handwritings; many are unsigned, or +signed only by a single initial; many are undated, or dated only with +the day of the week or month. There are a great many letters, dating +from 1779 to 1786, signed 'Francesca Buschini,' a name which I cannot +identify; they are written in Italian, and one of them begins: 'Unico +Mio vero Amico' ('my only true friend'). Others are signed 'Virginia +B.'; one of these is dated, 'Forli, October 15, 1773.' There is also +a 'Theresa B.,' who writes from Genoa. I was at first unable to +identify the writer of a whole series of letters in French, very +affectionate and intimate letters, usually unsigned, occasionally +signed 'B.' She calls herself votre petite amie; or she ends with a +half-smiling, half-reproachful 'goodnight, and sleep better than I' +In one letter, sent from Paris in 1759, she writes: 'Never believe +me, but when I tell you that I love you, and that I shall love you +always: In another letter, ill-spelt, as her letters often are, she +writes: 'Be assured that evil tongues, vapours, calumny, nothing can +change my heart, which is yours entirely, and has no will to change +its master.' Now, it seems to me that these letters must be from +Manon Baletti, and that they are the letters referred to in the sixth +volume of the Memoirs. We read there (page 60) how on Christmas Day, +1759, Casanova receives a letter from Manon in Paris, announcing her +marriage with 'M. Blondel, architect to the King, and member of his +Academy'; she returns him his letters, and begs him to return hers, +or burn them. Instead of doing so he allows Esther to read them, +intending to burn them afterwards. Esther begs to be allowed to keep +the letters, promising to 'preserve them religiously all her life.' +'These letters,' he says, 'numbered more than two hundred, and the +shortest were of four pages: Certainly there are not two hundred of +them at Dux, but it seems to me highly probable that Casanova made a +final selection from Manon's letters, and that it is these which I +have found. + +But, however this may be, I was fortunate enough to find the set of +letters which I was most anxious to find the letters from Henriette, +whose loss every writer on Casanova has lamented. Henriette, it will +be remembered, makes her first appearance at Cesena, in the year +1748; after their meeting at Geneva, she reappears, romantically 'a +propos', twenty-two years later, at Aix in Provence; and she writes +to Casanova proposing 'un commerce epistolaire', asking him what he +has done since his escape from prison, and promising to do her best +to tell him all that has happened to her during the long interval. +After quoting her letter, he adds: 'I replied to her, accepting the +correspondence that she offered me, and telling her briefly all my +vicissitudes. She related to me in turn, in some forty letters, all +the history of her life. If she dies before me, I shall add these +letters to these Memoirs; but to-day she is still alive, and always +happy, though now old.' It has never been known what became of these +letters, and why they were not added to the Memoirs. I have found a +great quantity of them, some signed with her married name in full, +'Henriette de Schnetzmann,' and I am inclined to think that she +survived Casanova, for one of the letters is dated Bayreuth, 1798, +the year of Casanova's death. They are remarkably charming, written +with a mixture of piquancy and distinction; and I will quote the +characteristic beginning and end of the last letter I was able to +find. It begins: 'No, it is impossible to be sulky with you!' and +ends: 'If I become vicious, it is you, my Mentor, who make me so, and +I cast my sins upon you. Even if I were damned I should still be +your most devoted friend, Henriette de Schnetzmann.' Casanova was +twenty-three when he met Henriette; now, herself an old woman, she +writes to him when he is seventy-three, as if the fifty years that +had passed were blotted out in the faithful affection of her memory. +How many more discreet and less changing lovers have had the quality +of constancy in change, to which this life-long correspondence bears +witness? Does it not suggest a view of Casanova not quite the view +of all the world? To me it shows the real man, who perhaps of all +others best understood what Shelley meant when he said: + + True love in this differs from gold or clay + That to divide is not to take away. + +But, though the letters from women naturally interested me the most, +they were only a certain proportion of the great mass of +correspondence which I turned over. There were letters from Carlo +Angiolini, who was afterwards to bring the manuscript of the Memoirs +to Brockhaus; from Balbi, the monk with whom Casanova escaped from +the Piombi; from the Marquis Albergati, playwright, actor, and +eccentric, of whom there is some account in the Memoirs; from the +Marquis Mosca, 'a distinguished man of letters whom I was anxious to +see,' Casanova tells us in the same volume in which he describes his +visit to the Moscas at Pesaro; from Zulian, brother of the Duchess of +Fiano; from Richard Lorrain, 'bel homme, ayant de l'esprit, le ton et +le gout de la bonne societe', who came to settle at Gorizia in 1773, +while Casanova was there; from the Procurator Morosini, whom he +speaks of in the Memoirs as his 'protector,' and as one of those +through whom he obtained permission to return to Venice. His other +'protector,' the 'avogador' Zaguri, had, says Casanova, 'since the +affair of the Marquis Albergati, carried on a most interesting +correspondence with me'; and in fact I found a bundle of no less than +a hundred and thirty-eight letters from him, dating from 1784 to +1798. Another bundle contains one hundred and seventy-two letters +from Count Lamberg. In the Memoirs Casanova says, referring to his +visit to Augsburg at the end of 1761: + +I used to spend my evenings in a very agreeable manner at the house +of Count Max de Lamberg, who resided at the court of the +Prince-Bishop with the title of Grand Marshal. What particularly +attached me to Count Lamberg was his literary talent. A first-rate +scholar, learned to a degree, he has published several much esteemed +works. I carried on an exchange of letters with him which ended only +with his death four years ago in 1792. + +Casanova tells us that, at his second visit to Augsburg in the early +part of 1767, he 'supped with Count Lamberg two or three times a +week,' during the four months he was there. It is with this year +that the letters I have found begin: they end with the year of his +death, 1792. In his 'Memorial d'un Mondain' Lamberg refers to +Casanova as 'a man known in literature, a man of profound knowledge.' +In the first edition of 1774, he laments that 'a man such as M. de S. +Galt' should not yet have been taken back into favour by the Venetian +government, and in the second edition, 1775, rejoices over Casanova's +return to Venice. Then there are letters from Da Ponte, who tells +the story of Casanova's curious relations with Mme. d'Urfe, in his +'Memorie scritte da esso', 1829; from Pittoni, Bono, and others +mentioned in different parts of the Memoirs, and from some dozen +others who are not mentioned in them. The only letters in the whole +collection that have been published are those from the Prince de +Ligne and from Count Koenig. + + +IV + +Casanova tells us in his Memoirs that, during his later years at Dux, +he had only been able to 'hinder black melancholy from devouring his +poor existence, or sending him out of his mind,' by writing ten or +twelve hours a day. The copious manuscripts at Dux show us how +persistently he was at work on a singular variety of subjects, in +addition to the Memoirs, and to the various books which he published +during those years. We see him jotting down everything that comes +into his head, for his own amusement, and certainly without any +thought of publication; engaging in learned controversies, writing +treatises on abstruse mathematical problems, composing comedies to be +acted before Count Waldstein's neighbours, practising verse-writing +in two languages, indeed with more patience than success, writing +philosophical dialogues in which God and himself are the speakers, +and keeping up an extensive correspondence, both with distinguished +men and with delightful women. His mental activity, up to the age of +seventy-three, is as prodigious as the activity which he had expended +in living a multiform and incalculable life. As in life everything +living had interested him so in his retirement from life every idea +makes its separate appeal to him; and he welcomes ideas with the same +impartiality with which he had welcomed adventures. Passion has +intellectualised itself, and remains not less passionate. He wishes +to do everything, to compete with every one; and it is only after +having spent seven years in heaping up miscellaneous learning, and +exercising his faculties in many directions, that he turns to look +back over his own past life, and to live it over again in memory, as +he writes down the narrative of what had interested him most in it. +'I write in the hope that my history will never see the broad day +light of publication,' he tells us, scarcely meaning it, we may be +sure, even in the moment of hesitancy which may naturally come to +him. But if ever a book was written for the pleasure of writing it, +it was this one; and an autobiography written for oneself is not +likely to be anything but frank. + +'Truth is the only God I have ever adored,' he tells us: and we now +know how truthful he was in saying so. I have only summarised in +this article the most important confirmations of his exact accuracy +in facts and dates; the number could be extended indefinitely. In +the manuscripts we find innumerable further confirmations; and their +chief value as testimony is that they tell us nothing which we should +not have already known, if we had merely taken Casanova at his word. +But it is not always easy to take people at their own word, when they +are writing about themselves; and the world has been very loth to +believe in Casanova as he represents himself. It has been specially +loth to believe that he is telling the truth when he tells us about +his adventures with women. But the letters contained among these +manuscripts shows us the women of Casanova writing to him with all +the fervour and all the fidelity which he attributes to them; and +they show him to us in the character of as fervid and faithful a +lover. In every fact, every detail, and in the whole mental +impression which they convey, these manuscripts bring before us the +Casanova of the Memoirs. As I seemed to come upon Casanova at home, +it was as if I came upon old friend, already perfectly known to me, +before I had made my pilgrimage to Dux. + +1902 + + + + +TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE + +A series of adventures wilder and more fantastic than the wildest of +romances, written down with the exactitude of a business diary; a +view of men and cities from Naples to Berlin, from Madrid and London +to Constantinople and St. Petersburg; the 'vie intime' of the +eighteenth century depicted by a man, who to-day sat with cardinals +and saluted crowned heads, and to morrow lurked in dens of profligacy +and crime; a book of confessions penned without reticence and +without penitence; a record of forty years of "occult" charlatanism; +a collection of tales of successful imposture, of 'bonnes fortunes', +of marvellous escapes, of transcendent audacity, told with the humour +of Smollett and the delicate wit of Voltaire. Who is there +interested in men and letters, and in the life of the past, who would +not cry, "Where can such a book as this be found?" + +Yet the above catalogue is but a brief outline, a bare and meagre +summary, of the book known as "THE MEMOIRS OF CASANOVA"; a work +absolutely unique in literature. He who opens these wonderful pages +is as one who sits in a theatre and looks across the gloom, not on a +stage-play, but on another and a vanished world. The curtain draws +up, and suddenly a hundred and fifty years are rolled away, and in +bright light stands out before us the whole life of the past; the gay +dresses, the polished wit, the careless morals, and all the revel and +dancing of those merry years before the mighty deluge of the +Revolution. The palaces and marble stairs of old Venice are no +longer desolate, but thronged with scarlet-robed senators, prisoners +with the doom of the Ten upon their heads cross the Bridge of Sighs, +at dead of night the nun slips out of the convent gate to the dark +canal where a gondola is waiting, we assist at the 'parties fines' of +cardinals, and we see the bank made at faro. Venice gives place to +the assembly rooms of Mrs. Cornely and the fast taverns of the London +of 1760; we pass from Versailles to the Winter Palace of St. +Petersburg in the days of Catherine, from the policy of the Great +Frederick to the lewd mirth of strolling-players, and the presence- +chamber of the Vatican is succeeded by an intrigue in a garret. It +is indeed a new experience to read this history of a man who, +refraining from nothing, has concealed nothing; of one who stood in +the courts of Louis the Magnificent before Madame de Pompadour and +the nobles of the Ancien Regime, and had an affair with an +adventuress of Denmark Street, Soho; who was bound over to keep the +peace by Fielding, and knew Cagliostro. The friend of popes and +kings and noblemen, and of all the male and female ruffians and +vagabonds of Europe, abbe, soldier, charlatan, gamester, financier, +diplomatist, viveur, philosopher, virtuoso, "chemist, fiddler, and +buffoon," each of these, and all of these was Giacomo Casanova, +Chevalier de Seingalt, Knight of the Golden Spur. + +And not only are the Memoirs a literary curiosity; they are almost +equally curious from a bibliographical point of view. The manuscript +was written in French and came into the possession of the publisher +Brockhaus, of Leipzig, who had it translated into German, and +printed. From this German edition, M. Aubert de Vitry re-translated +the work into French, but omitted about a fourth of the matter, and +this mutilated and worthless version is frequently purchased by +unwary bibliophiles. In the year 1826, however, Brockhaus, in order +presumably to protect his property, printed the entire text of the +original MS. in French, for the first time, and in this complete +form, containing a large number of anecdotes and incidents not to be +found in the spurious version, the work was not acceptable to the +authorities, and was consequently rigorously suppressed. Only a few +copies sent out for presentation or for review are known to have +escaped, and from one of these rare copies the present translation +has been made and soley for private circulation. + +In conclusion, both translator and 'editeur' have done their utmost +to present the English Casanova in a dress worthy of the wonderful +and witty original. + + + + + +AUTHOR'S PREFACE + +I will begin with this confession: whatever I have done in the course +of my life, whether it be good or evil, has been done freely; I am a +free agent. + +The doctrine of the Stoics or of any other sect as to the force of +Destiny is a bubble engendered by the imagination of man, and is near +akin to Atheism. I not only believe in one God, but my faith as a +Christian is also grafted upon that tree of philosophy which has +never spoiled anything. + +I believe in the existence of an immaterial God, the Author and +Master of all beings and all things, and I feel that I never had any +doubt of His existence, from the fact that I have always relied upon +His providence, prayed to Him in my distress, and that He has always +granted my prayers. Despair brings death, but prayer does away with +despair; and when a man has prayed he feels himself supported by new +confidence and endowed with power to act. As to the means employed +by the Sovereign Master of human beings to avert impending dangers +from those who beseech His assistance, I confess that the knowledge +of them is above the intelligence of man, who can but wonder and +adore. Our ignorance becomes our only resource, and happy, truly +happy; are those who cherish their ignorance! Therefore must we pray +to God, and believe that He has granted the favour we have been +praying for, even when in appearance it seems the reverse. As to the +position which our body ought to assume when we address ourselves to +the Creator, a line of Petrarch settles it: + + 'Con le ginocchia della mente inchine.' + +Man is free, but his freedom ceases when he has no faith in it; and +the greater power he ascribes to faith, the more he deprives himself +of that power which God has given to him when He endowed him with the +gift of reason. Reason is a particle of the Creator's divinity. +When we use it with a spirit of humility and justice we are certain +to please the Giver of that precious gift. God ceases to be God only +for those who can admit the possibility of His non-existence, and +that conception is in itself the most severe punishment they can +suffer. + +Man is free; yet we must not suppose that he is at liberty to do +everything he pleases, for he becomes a slave the moment he allows +his actions to be ruled by passion. The man who has sufficient power +over himself to wait until his nature has recovered its even balance +is the truly wise man, but such beings are seldom met with. + +The reader of these Memoirs will discover that I never had any fixed +aim before my eyes, and that my system, if it can be called a system, +has been to glide away unconcernedly on the stream of life, trusting +to the wind wherever it led. How many changes arise from such an +independent mode of life! My success and my misfortunes, the bright +and the dark days I have gone through, everything has proved to me +that in this world, either physical or moral, good comes out of evil +just as well as evil comes out of good. My errors will point to +thinking men the various roads, and will teach them the great art of +treading on the brink of the precipice without falling into it. It +is only necessary to have courage, for strength without self- +confidence is useless. I have often met with happiness after some +imprudent step which ought to have brought ruin upon me, and although +passing a vote of censure upon myself I would thank God for his +mercy. But, by way of compensation, dire misfortune has befallen me +in consequence of actions prompted by the most cautious wisdom. This +would humble me; yet conscious that I had acted rightly I would +easily derive comfort from that conviction. + +In spite of a good foundation of sound morals, the natural offspring +of the Divine principles which had been early rooted in my heart, I +have been throughout my life the victim of my senses; I have found +delight in losing the right path, I have constantly lived in the +midst of error, with no consolation but the consciousness of my being +mistaken. Therefore, dear reader, I trust that, far from attaching +to my history the character of impudent boasting, you will find in my +Memoirs only the characteristic proper to a general confession, and +that my narratory style will be the manner neither of a repenting +sinner, nor of a man ashamed to acknowledge his frolics. They are +the follies inherent to youth; I make sport of them, and, if you are +kind, you will not yourself refuse them a good-natured smile. You +will be amused when you see that I have more than once deceived +without the slightest qualm of conscience, both knaves and fools. As +to the deceit perpetrated upon women, let it pass, for, when love is +in the way, men and women as a general rule dupe each other. But on +the score of fools it is a very different matter. I always feel the +greatest bliss when I recollect those I have caught in my snares, for +they generally are insolent, and so self-conceited that they +challenge wit. We avenge intellect when we dupe a fool, and it is a +victory not to be despised for a fool is covered with steel and it is +often very hard to find his vulnerable part. In fact, to gull a fool +seems to me an exploit worthy of a witty man. I have felt in my very +blood, ever since I was born, a most unconquerable hatred towards the +whole tribe of fools, and it arises from the fact that I feel myself +a blockhead whenever I am in their company. I am very far from +placing them in the same class with those men whom we call stupid, +for the latter are stupid only from deficient education, and I rather +like them. I have met with some of them--very honest fellows, who, +with all their stupidity, had a kind of intelligence and an upright +good sense, which cannot be the characteristics of fools. They are +like eyes veiled with the cataract, which, if the disease could be +removed, would be very beautiful. + +Dear reader, examine the spirit of this preface, and you will at once +guess at my purpose. I have written a preface because I wish you to +know me thoroughly before you begin the reading of my Memoirs. It is +only in a coffee-room or at a table d'hote that we like to converse +with strangers. + +I have written the history of my life, and I have a perfect right to +do so; but am I wise in throwing it before a public of which I know +nothing but evil? No, I am aware it is sheer folly, but I want to be +busy, I want to laugh, and why should I deny myself this +gratification? + + 'Expulit elleboro morbum bilemque mero.' + +An ancient author tells us somewhere, with the tone of a pedagogue, +if you have not done anything worthy of being recorded, at least +write something worthy of being read. It is a precept as beautiful +as a diamond of the first water cut in England, but it cannot be +applied to me, because I have not written either a novel, or the life +of an illustrious character. Worthy or not, my life is my subject, +and my subject is my life. I have lived without dreaming that I +should ever take a fancy to write the history of my life, and, for +that very reason, my Memoirs may claim from the reader an interest +and a sympathy which they would not have obtained, had I always +entertained the design to write them in my old age, and, still more, +to publish them. + +I have reached, in 1797, the age of three-score years and twelve; I +can not say, Vixi, and I could not procure a more agreeable pastime +than to relate my own adventures, and to cause pleasant laughter +amongst the good company listening to me, from which I have received +so many tokens of friendship, and in the midst of which I have ever +lived. To enable me to write well, I have only to think that my +readers will belong to that polite society: + + 'Quoecunque dixi, si placuerint, dictavit auditor.' + +Should there be a few intruders whom I can not prevent from perusing +my Memoirs, I must find comfort in the idea that my history was not +written for them. + +By recollecting the pleasures I have had formerly, I renew them, I +enjoy them a second time, while I laugh at the remembrance of +troubles now past, and which I no longer feel. A member of this +great universe, I speak to the air, and I fancy myself rendering an +account of my administration, as a steward is wont to do before +leaving his situation. For my future I have no concern, and as a +true philosopher, I never would have any, for I know not what it may +be: as a Christian, on the other hand, faith must believe without +discussion, and the stronger it is, the more it keeps silent. I know +that I have lived because I have felt, and, feeling giving me the +knowledge of my existence, I know likewise that I shall exist no more +when I shall have ceased to feel. + +Should I perchance still feel after my death, I would no longer have +any doubt, but I would most certainly give the lie to anyone +asserting before me that I was dead. + +The history of my life must begin by the earliest circumstance which +my memory can evoke; it will therefore commence when I had attained +the age of eight years and four months. Before that time, if to +think is to live be a true axiom, I did not live, I could only lay +claim to a state of vegetation. The mind of a human being is formed +only of comparisons made in order to examine analogies, and therefore +cannot precede the existence of memory. The mnemonic organ was +developed in my head only eight years and four months after my birth; +it is then that my soul began to be susceptible of receiving +impressions. How is it possible for an immaterial substance, which +can neither touch nor be touched to receive impressions? It is a +mystery which man cannot unravel. + +A certain philosophy, full of consolation, and in perfect accord with +religion, pretends that the state of dependence in which the soul +stands in relation to the senses and to the organs, is only +incidental and transient, and that it will reach a condition of +freedom and happiness when the death of the body shall have delivered +it from that state of tyrannic subjection. This is very fine, but, +apart from religion, where is the proof of it all? Therefore, as I +cannot, from my own information, have a perfect certainty of my being +immortal until the dissolution of my body has actually taken place, +people must kindly bear with me, if I am in no hurry to obtain that +certain knowledge, for, in my estimation, a knowledge to be gained at +the cost of life is a rather expensive piece of information. In the +mean time I worship God, laying every wrong action under an interdict +which I endeavour to respect, and I loathe the wicked without doing +them any injury. I only abstain from doing them any good, in the +full belief that we ought not to cherish serpents. + +As I must likewise say a few words respecting my nature and my +temperament, I premise that the most indulgent of my readers is not +likely to be the most dishonest or the least gifted with +intelligence. + +I have had in turn every temperament; phlegmatic in my infancy; +sanguine in my youth; later on, bilious; and now I have a disposition +which engenders melancholy, and most likely will never change. I +always made my food congenial to my constitution, and my health was +always excellent. I learned very early that our health is always +impaired by some excess either of food or abstinence, and I never had +any physician except myself. I am bound to add that the excess in +too little has ever proved in me more dangerous than the excess in +too much; the last may cause indigestion, but the first causes death. + +Now, old as I am, and although enjoying good digestive organs, I must +have only one meal every day; but I find a set-off to that privation +in my delightful sleep, and in the ease which I experience in writing +down my thoughts without having recourse to paradox or sophism, which +would be calculated to deceive myself even more than my readers, for +I never could make up my mind to palm counterfeit coin upon them if I +knew it to be such. + +The sanguine temperament rendered me very sensible to the attractions +of voluptuousness: I was always cheerful and ever ready to pass from +one enjoyment to another, and I was at the same time very skillful in +inventing new pleasures. Thence, I suppose, my natural disposition +to make fresh acquaintances, and to break with them so readily, +although always for a good reason, and never through mere fickleness. +The errors caused by temperament are not to be corrected, because our +temperament is perfectly independent of our strength: it is not the +case with our character. Heart and head are the constituent parts of +character; temperament has almost nothing to do with it, and, +therefore, character is dependent upon education, and is susceptible +of being corrected and improved. + +I leave to others the decision as to the good or evil tendencies of +my character, but such as it is it shines upon my countenance, and +there it can easily be detected by any physiognomist. It is only on +the fact that character can be read; there it lies exposed to the +view. It is worthy of remark that men who have no peculiar cast of +countenance, and there are a great many such men, are likewise +totally deficient in peculiar characteristics, and we may establish +the rule that the varieties in physiognomy are equal to the +differences in character. I am aware that throughout my life my +actions have received their impulse more from the force of feeling +than from the wisdom of reason, and this has led me to acknowledge +that my conduct has been dependent upon my nature more than upon my +mind; both are generally at war, and in the midst of their continual +collisions I have never found in me sufficient mind to balance my +nature, or enough strength in my nature to counteract the power of my +mind. But enough of this, for there is truth in the old saying: 'Si +brevis esse volo, obscurus fio', and I believe that, without +offending against modesty, I can apply to myself the following words +of my dear Virgil: + + 'Nec sum adeo informis: nuper me in littore vidi + Cum placidum ventis staret mare.' + +The chief business of my life has always been to indulge my senses; I +never knew anything of greater importance. I felt myself born for +the fair sex, I have ever loved it dearly, and I have been loved by +it as often and as much as I could. I have likewise always had a +great weakness for good living, and I ever felt passionately fond of +every object which excited my curiosity. + +I have had friends who have acted kindly towards me, and it has been +my good fortune to have it in my power to give them substantial +proofs of my gratitude. I have had also bitter enemies who have +persecuted me, and whom I have not crushed simply because I could not +do it. I never would have forgiven them, had I not lost the memory +of all the injuries they had heaped upon me. The man who forgets +does not forgive, he only loses the remembrance of the harm inflicted +on him; forgiveness is the offspring of a feeling of heroism, of a +noble heart, of a generous mind, whilst forgetfulness is only the +result of a weak memory, or of an easy carelessness, and still +oftener of a natural desire for calm and quietness. Hatred, in the +course of time, kills the unhappy wretch who delights in nursing it +in his bosom. + +Should anyone bring against me an accusation of sensuality he would +be wrong, for all the fierceness of my senses never caused me to +neglect any of my duties. For the same excellent reason, the +accusation of drunkenness ought not to have been brought against +Homer: + + 'Laudibus arguitur vini vinosus Homerus.' + +I have always been fond of highly-seasoned, rich dishes, such as +macaroni prepared by a skilful Neapolitan cook, the olla-podrida of +the Spaniards, the glutinous codfish from Newfoundland, game with a +strong flavour, and cheese the perfect state of which is attained +when the tiny animaculae formed from its very essence begin to shew +signs of life. As for women, I have always found the odour of my +beloved ones exceeding pleasant. + +What depraved tastes! some people will exclaim. Are you not ashamed +to confess such inclinations without blushing! Dear critics, you +make me laugh heartily. Thanks to my coarse tastes, I believe myself +happier than other men, because I am convinced that they enhance my +enjoyment. Happy are those who know how to obtain pleasures without +injury to anyone; insane are those who fancy that the Almighty can +enjoy the sufferings, the pains, the fasts and abstinences which they +offer to Him as a sacrifice, and that His love is granted only to +those who tax themselves so foolishly. God can only demand from His +creatures the practice of virtues the seed of which He has sown in +their soul, and all He has given unto us has been intended for our +happiness; self-love, thirst for praise, emulation, strength, +courage, and a power of which nothing can deprive us--the power of +self-destruction, if, after due calculation, whether false or just, +we unfortunately reckon death to be advantageous. This is the +strongest proof of our moral freedom so much attacked by sophists. +Yet this power of self-destruction is repugnant to nature, and has +been rightly opposed by every religion. + +A so-called free-thinker told me at one time that I could not +consider myself a philosopher if I placed any faith in revelation. +But when we accept it readily in physics, why should we reject it in +religious matters? The form alone is the point in question. The +spirit speaks to the spirit, and not to the ears. The principles of +everything we are acquainted with must necessarily have been revealed +to those from whom we have received them by the great, supreme +principle, which contains them all. The bee erecting its hive, the +swallow building its nest, the ant constructing its cave, and the +spider warping its web, would never have done anything but for a +previous and everlasting revelation. We must either believe that it +is so, or admit that matter is endowed with thought. But as we dare +not pay such a compliment to matter, let us stand by revelation. + +The great philosopher, who having deeply studied nature, thought he +had found the truth because he acknowledged nature as God, died too +soon. Had he lived a little while longer, he would have gone much +farther, and yet his journey would have been but a short one, for +finding himself in his Author, he could not have denied Him: In Him +we move and have our being. He would have found Him inscrutable, and +thus would have ended his journey. + +God, great principle of all minor principles, God, who is Himself +without a principle, could not conceive Himself, if, in order to do +it, He required to know His own principle. + +Oh, blissful ignorance! Spinosa, the virtuous Spinosa, died before +he could possess it. He would have died a learned man and with a +right to the reward his virtue deserved, if he had only supposed his +soul to be immortal! + +It is not true that a wish for reward is unworthy of real virtue, and +throws a blemish upon its purity. Such a pretension, on the +contrary, helps to sustain virtue, man being himself too weak to +consent to be virtuous only for his own 'gratification. I hold as a +myth that Amphiaraus who preferred to be good than to seem good. In +fact, I do not believe there is an honest man alive without some +pretension, and here is mine. + +I pretend to the friendship, to the esteem, to the gratitude of my +readers. I claim their gratitude, if my Memoirs can give them +instruction and pleasure; I claim their esteem if, rendering me +justice, they find more good qualities in me than faults, and I claim +their friendship as soon as they deem me worthy of it by the candour +and the good faith with which I abandon myself to their judgment, +without disguise and exactly as I am in reality. They will find that +I have always had such sincere love for truth, that I have often +begun by telling stories for the purpose of getting truth to enter +the heads of those who could not appreciate its charms. They will +not form a wrong opinion of me when they see one emptying the purse +of my friends to satisfy my fancies, for those friends entertained +idle schemes, and by giving them the hope of success I trusted to +disappointment to cure them. I would deceive them to make them +wiser, and I did not consider myself guilty, for I applied to my own +enjoyment sums of money which would have been lost in the vain +pursuit of possessions denied by nature; therefore I was not actuated +by any avaricious rapacity. I might think myself guilty if I were +rich now, but I have nothing. I have squandered everything; it is my +comfort and my justification. The money was intended for extravagant +follies, and by applying it to my own frolics I did not turn it into +a very different, channel. + +If I were deceived in my hope to please, I candidly confess I would +regret it, but not sufficiently so to repent having written my +Memoirs, for, after all, writing them has given me pleasure. Oh, +cruel ennui! It must be by mistake that those who have invented the +torments of hell have forgotten to ascribe thee the first place among +them. Yet I am bound to own that I entertain a great fear of hisses; +it is too natural a fear for me to boast of being insensible to them, +and I cannot find any solace in the idea that, when these Memoirs are +published, I shall be no more. I cannot think without a shudder of +contracting any obligation towards death: I hate death; for, happy or +miserable, life is the only blessing which man possesses, and those +who do not love it are unworthy of it. If we prefer honour to life, +it is because life is blighted by infamy; and if, in the alternative, +man sometimes throws away his life, philosophy must remain silent. + +Oh, death, cruel death! Fatal law which nature necessarily rejects +because thy very office is to destroy nature! Cicero says that death +frees us from all pains and sorrows, but this great philosopher books +all the expense without taking the receipts into account. I do not +recollect if, when he wrote his 'Tusculan Disputations', his own +Tullia was dead. Death is a monster which turns away from the great +theatre an attentive hearer before the end of the play which deeply +interests him, and this is reason enough to hate it. + +All my adventures are not to be found in these Memoirs; I have left +out those which might have offended the persons who have played a +sorry part therein. In spite of this reserve, my readers will +perhaps often think me indiscreet, and I am sorry for it. Should I +perchance become wiser before I give up the ghost, I might burn every +one of these sheets, but now I have not courage enough to do it. + +It may be that certain love scenes will be considered too explicit, +but let no one blame me, unless it be for lack of skill, for I ought +not to be scolded because, in my old age, I can find no other +enjoyment but that which recollections of the past afford to me. +After all, virtuous and prudish readers are at liberty to skip over +any offensive pictures, and I think it my duty to give them this +piece of advice; so much the worse for those who may not read my +preface; it is no fault of mine if they do not, for everyone ought to +know that a preface is to a book what the play-bill is to a comedy; +both must be read. + +My Memoirs are not written for young persons who, in order to avoid +false steps and slippery roads, ought to spend their youth in +blissful ignorance, but for those who, having thorough experience of +life, are no longer exposed to temptation, and who, having but too +often gone through the fire, are like salamanders, and can be +scorched by it no more. True virtue is but a habit, and I have no +hesitation in saying that the really virtuous are those persons who +can practice virtue without the slightest trouble; such persons are +always full of toleration, and it is to them that my Memoirs are +addressed. + +I have written in French, and not in Italian, because the French +language is more universal than mine, and the purists, who may +criticise in my style some Italian turns will be quite right, but +only in case it should prevent them from understanding me clearly. +The Greeks admired Theophrastus in spite of his Eresian style, and +the Romans delighted in their Livy in spite of his Patavinity. +Provided I amuse my readers, it seems to me that I can claim the same +indulgence. After all, every Italian reads Algarotti with pleasure, +although his works are full of French idioms. + +There is one thing worthy of notice: of all the living languages +belonging to the republic of letters, the French tongue is the only +one which has been condemned by its masters never to borrow in order +to become richer, whilst all other languages, although richer in +words than the French, plunder from it words and constructions of +sentences, whenever they find that by such robbery they add something +to their own beauty. Yet those who borrow the most from the French, +are the most forward in trumpeting the poverty of that language, very +likely thinking that such an accusation justifies their depredations. +It is said that the French language has attained the apogee of its +beauty, and that the smallest foreign loan would spoil it, but I make +bold to assert that this is prejudice, for, although it certainly is +the most clear, the most logical of all languages, it would be great +temerity to affirm that it can never go farther or higher than it has +gone. We all recollect that, in the days of Lulli, there was but one +opinion of his music, yet Rameau came and everything was changed. +The new impulse given to the French nation may open new and +unexpected horizons, and new beauties, fresh perfections, may spring +up from new combinations and from new wants. + +The motto I have adopted justifies my digressions, and all the +commentaries, perhaps too numerous, in which I indulge upon my +various exploits: 'Nequidquam sapit qui sibi non sapit'. For the +same reason I have always felt a great desire to receive praise and +applause from polite society: + + 'Excitat auditor stadium, laudataque virtus + Crescit, et immensum gloria calcar habet. + +I would willingly have displayed here the proud axiom: 'Nemo laeditur +nisi a se ipso', had I not feared to offend the immense number of +persons who, whenever anything goes wrong with them, are wont to +exclaim, "It is no fault of mine!" I cannot deprive them of that +small particle of comfort, for, were it not for it, they would soon +feel hatred for themselves, and self-hatred often leads to the fatal +idea of self-destruction. + +As for myself I always willingly acknowledge my own self as the +principal cause of every good or of every evil which may befall me; +therefore I have always found myself capable of being my own pupil, +and ready to love my teacher. + + + + + + + + THE MEMOIRS OF + JACQUES CASANOVA + + +CHAPTER I + +My Family Pedigree--My Childhood + + +Don Jacob Casanova, the illegitimate son of Don Francisco Casanova, +was a native of Saragosa, the capital of Aragon, and in the year of +1428 he carried off Dona Anna Palofax from her convent, on the day +after she had taken the veil. He was secretary to King Alfonso. He +ran away with her to Rome, where, after one year of imprisonment, the +pope, Martin III., released Anna from her vows, and gave them the +nuptial blessing at the instance of Don Juan Casanova, majordomo of +the Vatican, and uncle of Don Jacob. All the children born from that +marriage died in their infancy, with the exception of Don Juan, who, +in 1475, married Donna Eleonora Albini, by whom he had a son, Marco +Antonio. + +In 1481, Don Juan, having killed an officer of the king of Naples, +was compelled to leave Rome, and escaped to Como with his wife and +his son; but having left that city to seek his fortune, he died while +traveling with Christopher Columbus in the year 1493. + +Marco Antonio became a noted poet of the school of Martial, and was +secretary to Cardinal Pompeo Colonna. + +The satire against Giulio de Medicis, which we find in his works, +having made it necessary for him to leave Rome, he returned to Como, +where he married Abondia Rezzonica. The same Giulio de Medicis, +having become pope under the name of Clement VII, pardoned him and +called him back to Rome with his wife. The city having been taken +and ransacked by the Imperialists in 1526, Marco Antonio died there +from an attack of the plague; otherwise he would have died of misery, +the soldiers of Charles V. having taken all he possessed. Pierre +Valerien speaks of him in his work 'de infelicitate litteratorum'. + +Three months after his death, his wife gave birth to Jacques +Casanova, who died in France at a great age, colonel in the army +commanded by Farnese against Henri, king of Navarre, afterwards king +of France. He had left in the city of Parma a son who married +Theresa Conti, from whom he had Jacques, who, in the year 1681, +married Anna Roli. Jacques had two sons, Jean-Baptiste and Gaetan- +Joseph-Jacques. The eldest left Parma in 1712, and was never heard +of; the other also went away in 1715, being only nineteen years old. + +This is all I have found in my father's diary: from my mother's lips +I have heard the following particulars: + +Gaetan-Joseph-Jacques left his family, madly in love with an actress +named Fragoletta, who performed the chambermaids. In his poverty, he +determined to earn a living by making the most of his own person. At +first he gave himself up to dancing, and five years afterwards became +an actor, making himself conspicuous by his conduct still more than +by his talent. + +Whether from fickleness or from jealousy, he abandoned the +Fragoletta, and joined in Venice a troop of comedians then giving +performances at the Saint-Samuel Theatre. Opposite the house in +which he had taken his lodging resided a shoemaker, by name Jerome +Farusi, with his wife Marzia, and Zanetta, their only daughter--a +perfect beauty sixteen years of age. The young actor fell in love +with this girl, succeeded in gaining her affection, and in obtaining +her consent to a runaway match. It was the only way to win her, for, +being an actor, he never could have had Marzia's consent, still less +Jerome's, as in their eyes a player was a most awful individual. The +young lovers, provided with the necessary certificates and +accompanied by two witnesses, presented themselves before the +Patriarch of Venice, who performed over them the marriage ceremony. +Marzia, Zanetta's mother, indulged in a good deal of exclamation, and +the father died broken-hearted. + +I was born nine months afterwards, on the 2nd of April, 1725. + +The following April my mother left me under the care of her own +mother, who had forgiven her as soon as she had heard that my father +had promised never to compel her to appear on the stage. This is a +promise which all actors make to the young girls they marry, and +which they never fulfil, simply because their wives never care much +about claiming from them the performance of it. Moreover, it turned +out a very fortunate thing for my mother that she had studied for the +stage, for nine years later, having been left a widow with six +children, she could not have brought them up if it had not been for +the resources she found in that profession. + +I was only one year old when my father left me to go to London, where +he had an engagement. It was in that great city that my mother made +her first appearance on the stage, and in that city likewise that she +gave birth to my brother Francois, a celebrated painter of battles, +now residing in Vienna, where he has followed his profession since +1783. + +Towards the end of the year 1728 my mother returned to Venice with +her husband, and as she had become an actress she continued her +artistic life. In 1730 she was delivered of my brother Jean, who +became Director of the Academy of painting at Dresden, and died there +in 1795; and during the three following years she became the mother +of two daughters, one of whom died at an early age, while the other +married in Dresden, where she still lived in 1798. I had also a +posthumous brother, who became a priest; he died in Rome fifteen +years ago. + +Let us now come to the dawn of my existence in the character of a +thinking being. + +The organ of memory began to develop itself in me at the beginning of +August, 1733. I had at that time reached the age of eight years and +four months. Of what may have happened to me before that period I +have not the faintest recollection. This is the circumstance. + +I was standing in the corner of a room bending towards the wall, +supporting my head, and my eyes fixed upon a stream of blood flowing +from my nose to the ground. My grandmother, Marzia, whose pet I was, +came to me, bathed my face with cold water, and, unknown to everyone +in the house, took me with her in a gondola as far as Muran, a +thickly-populated island only half a league distant from Venice. + +Alighting from the gondola, we enter a wretched hole, where we find +an old woman sitting on a rickety bed, holding a black cat in her +arms, with five or six more purring around her. The two old cronies +held together a long discourse of which, most likely, I was the +subject. At the end of the dialogue, which was carried on in the +patois of Forli, the witch having received a silver ducat from my +grandmother, opened a box, took me in her arms, placed me in the box +and locked me in it, telling me not to be frightened--a piece of +advice which would certainly have had the contrary effect, if I had +had any wits about me, but I was stupefied. I kept myself quiet in a +corner of the box, holding a handkerchief to my nose because it was +still bleeding, and otherwise very indifferent to the uproar going on +outside. I could hear in turn, laughter, weeping, singing, screams, +shrieks, and knocking against the box, but for all that I cared +nought. At last I am taken out of the box; the blood stops flowing. +The wonderful old witch, after lavishing caresses upon me, takes off +my clothes, lays me on the bed, burns some drugs, gathers the smoke +in a sheet which she wraps around me, pronounces incantations, takes +the sheet off me, and gives me five sugar-plums of a very agreeable +taste. Then she immediately rubs my temples and the nape of my neck +with an ointment exhaling a delightful perfume, and puts my clothes +on me again. She told me that my haemorrhage would little by little +leave me, provided I should never disclose to any one what she had +done to cure me, and she threatened me, on the other hand, with the +loss of all my blood and with death, should I ever breathe a word +concerning those mysteries. After having thus taught me my lesson, +she informed me that a beautiful lady would pay me a visit during the +following night, and that she would make me happy, on condition that +I should have sufficient control over myself never to mention to +anyone my having received such a visit. Upon this we left and +returned home. + +I fell asleep almost as soon as I was in bed, without giving a +thought to the beautiful visitor I was to receive; but, waking up a +few hours afterwards, I saw, or fancied I saw, coming down the +chimney, a dazzling woman, with immense hoops, splendidly attired, +and wearing on her head a crown set with precious stones, which +seemed to me sparkling with fire. With slow steps, but with a +majestic and sweet countenance, she came forward and sat on my bed; +then taking several small boxes from her pocket, she emptied their +contents over my head, softly whispering a few words, and after +giving utterance to a long speech, not a single word of which I +understood, she kissed me and disappeared the same way she had come. +I soon went again to sleep. + +The next morning, my grandmother came to dress me, and the moment she +was near my bed, she cautioned me to be silent, threatening me with +death if I dared to say anything respecting my night's adventures. +This command, laid upon me by the only woman who had complete +authority over me, and whose orders I was accustomed to obey blindly, +caused me to remember the vision, and to store it, with the seal of +secrecy, in the inmost corner of my dawning memory. I had not, +however, the slightest inclination to mention the circumstances to +anyone; in the first place, because I did not suppose it would +interest anybody, and in the second because I would not have known +whom to make a confidant of. My disease had rendered me dull and +retired; everybody pitied me and left me to myself; my life was +considered likely to be but a short one, and as to my parents, they +never spoke to me. + +After the journey to Muran, and the nocturnal visit of the fairy, I +continued to have bleeding at the nose, but less from day to day, and +my memory slowly developed itself. I learned to read in less than a +month. + +It would be ridiculous, of course, to attribute this cure to such +follies, but at the same time I think it would be wrong to assert +that they did not in any way contribute to it. As far as the +apparition of the beautiful queen is concerned, I have always deemed +it to be a dream, unless it should have been some masquerade got up +for the occasion, but it is not always in the druggist's shop that +are found the best remedies for severe diseases. Our ignorance is +every day proved by some wonderful phenomenon, and I believe this to +be the reason why it is so difficult to meet with a learned man +entirely untainted with superstition. We know, as a matter of +course, that there never have been any sorcerers in this world, yet +it is true that their power has always existed in the estimation of +those to whom crafty knaves have passed themselves off as such. +'Somnio nocturnos lemures portentaque Thessalia vides'. + +Many things become real which, at first, had no existence but in our +imagination, and, as a natural consequence, many facts which have +been attributed to Faith may not always have been miraculous, +although they are true miracles for those who lend to Faith a +boundless power. + +The next circumstance of any importance to myself which I recollect +happened three months after my trip to Muran, and six weeks before my +father's death. I give it to my readers only to convey some idea of +the manner in which my nature was expanding. + +One day, about the middle of November, I was with my brother +Francois, two years younger than I, in my father's room, watching him +attentively as he was working at optics. A large lump of crystal, +round and cut into facets, attracted my attention. I took it up, and +having brought it near my eyes I was delighted to see that it +multiplied objects. The wish to possess myself of it at once got +hold of me, and seeing myself unobserved I took my opportunity and +hid it in my pocket. + +A few minutes after this my father looked about for his crystal, and +unable to find it, he concluded that one of us must have taken it. +My brother asserted that he had not touched it, and I, although +guilty, said the same; but my father, satisfied that he could not be +mistaken, threatened to search us and to thrash the one who had told +him a story. I pretended to look for the crystal in every corner of +the room, and, watching my opportunity I slyly slipped it in the +pocket of my brother's jacket. At first I was sorry for what I had +done, for I might as well have feigned to find the crystal somewhere +about the room; but the evil deed was past recall. My father, seeing +that we were looking in vain, lost patience, searched us, found the +unlucky ball of crystal in the pocket of the innocent boy, and +inflicted upon him the promised thrashing. Three or four years later +I was foolish enough to boast before my brother of the trick I had +then played on him; he never forgave me, and has never failed to take +his revenge whenever the opportunity offered. + +However, having at a later period gone to confession, and accused +myself to the priest of the sin with every circumstance surrounding +it, I gained some knowledge which afforded me great satisfaction. My +confessor, who was a Jesuit, told me that by that deed I had verified +the meaning of my first name, Jacques, which, he said, meant, in +Hebrew, "supplanter," and that God had changed for that reason the +name of the ancient patriarch into that of Israel, which meant +"knowing." He had deceived his brother Esau. + +Six weeks after the above adventure my father was attacked with an +abscess in the head which carried him off in a week. Dr. Zambelli +first gave him oppilative remedies, and, seeing his mistake, he tried +to mend it by administering castoreum, which sent his patient into +convulsions and killed him. The abscess broke out through the ear +one minute after his death, taking its leave after killing him, as if +it had no longer any business with him. My father departed this life +in the very prime of his manhood. He was only thirty-six years of +age, but he was followed to his grave by the regrets of the public, +and more particularly of all the patricians amongst whom he was held +as above his profession, not less on account of his gentlemanly +behaviour than on account of his extensive knowledge in mechanics. + +Two days before his death, feeling that his end was at hand, my +father expressed a wish to see us all around his bed, in the presence +of his wife and of the Messieurs Grimani, three Venetian noblemen +whose protection he wished to entreat in our favour. After giving us +his blessing, he requested our mother, who was drowned in tears, to +give her sacred promise that she would not educate any of us for the +stage, on which he never would have appeared himself had he not been +led to it by an unfortunate attachment. My mother gave her promise, +and the three noblemen said that they would see to its being +faithfully kept. Circumstances helped our mother to fulfill her +word. + +At that time my mother had been pregnant for six months, and she was +allowed to remain away from the stage until after Easter. Beautiful +and young as she was, she declined all the offers of marriage which +were made to her, and, placing her trust in Providence, she +courageously devoted herself to the task of bringing up her young +family. + +She considered it a duty to think of me before the others, not so +much from a feeling of preference as in consequence of my disease, +which had such an effect upon me that it was difficult to know what +to do with me. I was very weak, without any appetite, unable to +apply myself to anything, and I had all the appearance of an idiot. +Physicians disagreed as to the cause of the disease. He loses, they +would say, two pounds of blood every week; yet there cannot be more +than sixteen or eighteen pounds in his body. What, then, can cause +so abundant a bleeding? One asserted that in me all the chyle turned +into blood; another was of opinion that the air I was breathing must, +at each inhalation, increase the quantity of blood in my lungs, and +contended that this was the reason for which I always kept my mouth +open. I heard of it all six years afterward from M. Baffo, a great +friend of my late father. + +This M. Baffo consulted the celebrated Doctor Macop, of Padua, who +sent him his opinion by writing. This consultation, which I have +still in my possession, says that our blood is an elastic fluid which +is liable to diminish or to increase in thickness, but never in +quantity, and that my haemorrhage could only proceed from the +thickness of the mass of my blood, which relieved itself in a natural +way in order to facilitate circulation. The doctor added that I +would have died long before, had not nature, in its wish for life, +assisted itself, and he concluded by stating that the cause of the +thickness of my blood could only be ascribed to the air I was +breathing and that consequently I must have a change of air, or every +hope of cure be abandoned. He thought likewise, that the stupidity +so apparent on my countenance was caused by nothing else but the +thickness of my blood. + +M. Baffo, a man of sublime genius, a most lascivious, yet a great and +original poet, was therefore instrumental in bringing about the +decision which was then taken to send me to Padua, and to him I am +indebted for my life. He died twenty years after, the last of his +ancient patrician family, but his poems, although obscene, will give +everlasting fame to his name. The state-inquisitors of Venice have +contributed to his celebrity by their mistaken strictness. Their +persecutions caused his manuscript works to become precious. They +ought to have been aware that despised things are forgotten. + +As soon as the verdict given by Professor Macop had been approved of, +the Abbe Grimani undertook to find a good boarding-house in Padua for +me, through a chemist of his acquaintance who resided in that city. +His name was Ottaviani, and he was also an antiquarian of some +repute. In a few days the boarding-house was found, and on the 2nd +day of April, 1734, on the very day I had accomplished my ninth year, +I was taken to Padua in a 'burchiello', along the Brenta Canal. We +embarked at ten o'clock in the evening, immediately after supper. + +The 'burchiello' may be considered a small floating house. There is +a large saloon with a smaller cabin at each end, and rooms for +servants fore and aft. It is a long square with a roof, and cut on +each side by glazed windows with shutters. The voyage takes eight +hours. M. Grimani, M. Baffo, and my mother accompanied me. I slept +with her in the saloon, and the two friends passed the night in one +of the cabins. My mother rose at day break, opened one of the +windows facing the bed, and the rays of the rising sun, falling on my +eyes, caused me to open them. The bed was too low for me to see the +land; I could see through the window only the tops of the trees along +the river. The boat was sailing with such an even movement that I +could not realize the fact of our moving, so that the trees, which, +one after the other, were rapidly disappearing from my sight, caused +me an extreme surprise. "Ah, dear mother!" I exclaimed, "what is +this? the trees are walking! "At that very moment the two noblemen +came in, and reading astonishment on my countenance, they asked me +what my thoughts were so busy about. "How is it," I answered, "that +the trees are walking." + +They all laughed, but my mother, heaving a great sigh, told me, in a +tone of deep pity, "The boat is moving, the trees are not. Now dress +yourself." + +I understood at once the reason of the phenomenon. "Then it may be," +said I, "that the sun does not move, and that we, on the contrary, +are revolving from west to east." At these words my good mother +fairly screamed. M. Grimani pitied my foolishness, and I remained +dismayed, grieved, and ready to cry. M. Baffo brought me life +again. He rushed to me, embraced me tenderly, and said, "Thou are +right, my child. The sun does not move; take courage, give heed to +your reasoning powers and let others laugh." + +My mother, greatly surprised, asked him whether he had taken leave of +his senses to give me such lessons; but the philosopher, not even +condescending to answer her, went on sketching a theory in harmony +with my young and simple intelligence. This was the first real +pleasure I enjoyed in my life. Had it not been for M. Baffo, this +circumstance might have been enough to degrade my understanding; the +weakness of credulity would have become part of my mind. The +ignorance of the two others would certainly have blunted in me the +edge of a faculty which, perhaps, has not carried me very far in my +after life, but to which alone I feel that I am indebted for every +particle of happiness I enjoy when I look into myself. + +We reached Padua at an early hour and went to Ottaviani's house; his +wife loaded me with caresses. I found there five or six children, +amongst them a girl of eight years, named Marie, and another of +seven, Rose, beautiful as a seraph. Ten years later Marie became the +wife of the broker Colonda, and Rose, a few years afterwards, married +a nobleman, Pierre Marcello, and had one son and two daughters, one +of whom was wedded to M. Pierre Moncenigo, and the other to a +nobleman of the Carrero family. This last marriage was afterwards +nullified. I shall have, in the course of events, to speak of all +these persons, and that is my reason for mentioning their names here. + +Ottaviani took us at once to the house where I was to board. It was +only a few yards from his own residence, at Sainte-Marie d'Advance, +in the parish of Saint-Michel, in the house of an old Sclavonian +woman, who let the first floor to Signora Mida, wife of a Sclavonian +colonel. My small trunk was laid open before the old woman, to whom +was handed an inventory of all its contents, together with six +sequins for six months paid in advance. For this small sum she +undertook to feed me, to keep me clean, and to send me to a day- +school. Protesting that it was not enough, she accepted these terms. +I was kissed and strongly commanded to be always obedient and docile, +and I was left with her. + +In this way did my family get rid of me. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +My Grandmother Comes to Padua, and Takes Me to Dr. Gozzi's School +--My First Love Affair + + +As soon as I was left alone with the Sclavonian woman, she took me up +to the garret, where she pointed out my bed in a row with four +others, three of which belonged to three young boys of my age, who at +that moment were at school, and the fourth to a servant girl whose +province it was to watch us and to prevent the many peccadilloes in +which school-boys are wont to indulge. After this visit we came +downstairs, and I was taken to the garden with permission to walk +about until dinner-time. + +I felt neither happy nor unhappy; I had nothing to say. I had +neither fear nor hope, nor even a feeling of curiosity; I was neither +cheerful nor sad. The only thing which grated upon me was the face +of the mistress of the house. Although I had not the faintest idea +either of beauty or of ugliness, her face, her countenance, her tone +of voice, her language, everything in that woman was repulsive to me. +Her masculine features repelled me every time I lifted my eyes +towards her face to listen to what she said to me. She was tall and +coarse like a trooper; her complexion was yellow, her hair black, her +eyebrows long and thick, and her chin gloried in a respectable +bristly beard: to complete the picture, her hideous, half-naked bosom +was hanging half-way down her long chest; she may have been about +fifty. The servant was a stout country girl, who did all the work of +the house; the garden was a square of some thirty feet, which had no +other beauty than its green appearance. + +Towards noon my three companions came back from school, and they at +once spoke to me as if we had been old acquaintances, naturally +giving me credit for such intelligence as belonged to my age, but +which I did not possess. I did not answer them, but they were not +baffled, and they at last prevailed upon me to share their innocent +pleasures. I had to run, to carry and be carried, to turn head over +heels, and I allowed myself to be initiated into those arts with a +pretty good grace until we were summoned to dinner. I sat down to +the table; but seeing before me a wooden spoon, I pushed it back, +asking for my silver spoon and fork to which I was much attached, +because they were a gift from my good old granny. The servant +answered that the mistress wished to maintain equality between the +boys, and I had to submit, much to my disgust. Having thus learned +that equality in everything was the rule of the house, I went to work +like the others and began to eat the soup out of the common dish, and +if I did not complain of the rapidity with which my companions made +it disappear, I could not help wondering at such inequality being +allowed. To follow this very poor soup, we had a small portion of +dried cod and one apple each, and dinner was over: it was in Lent. +We had neither glasses nor cups, and we all helped ourselves out of +the same earthen pitcher to a miserable drink called graspia, which +is made by boiling in water the stems of grapes stripped of their +fruit. From the following day I drank nothing but water. This way +of living surprised me, for I did not know whether I had a right to +complain of it. After dinner the servant took me to the school, kept +by a young priest, Doctor Gozzi, with whom the Sclavonian woman had +bargained for my schooling at the rate of forty sous a month, or the +eleventh part of a sequin. + +The first thing to do was to teach me writing, and I was placed +amongst children of five and six years, who did not fail to turn me +into ridicule on account of my age. + +On my return to the boarding-house I had my supper, which, as a +matter of course, was worse than the dinner, and I could not make out +why the right of complaint should be denied me. I was then put to +bed, but there three well-known species of vermin kept me awake all +night, besides the rats, which, running all over the garret, jumped +on my bed and fairly made my blood run cold with fright. This is the +way in which I began to feel misery, and to learn how to suffer it +patiently. The vermin, which feasted upon me, lessened my fear of +the rats, and by a very lucky system of compensation, the dread of +the rats made me less sensitive to the bites of the vermin. My mind +was reaping benefit from the very struggle fought between the evils +which surrounded me. The servant was perfectly deaf to my screaming. + +As soon as it was daylight I ran out of the wretched garret, and, +after complaining to the girl of all I had endured during the night, +I asked her to give me a Clean shirt, the one I had on being +disgusting to look at, but she answered that I could only change my +linen on a Sunday, and laughed at me when I threatened to complain to +the mistress. For the first time in my life I shed tears of sorrow +and of anger, when I heard my companions scoffing at me. The poor +wretches shared my unhappy condition, but they were used to it, and +that makes all the difference. + +Sorely depressed, I went to school, but only to sleep soundly through +the morning. One of my comrades, in the hope of turning the affair +into ridicule at my expense, told the doctor the reason of my being +so sleepy. The good priest, however, to whom without doubt +Providence had guided me, called me into his private room, listened +to all I had to say, saw with his own eyes the proofs of my misery, +and moved by the sight of the blisters which disfigured my innocent +skin, he took up his cloak, went with me to my boarding-house, and +shewed the woman the state I was in. She put on a look of great +astonishment, and threw all the blame upon the servant. The doctor +being curious to see my bed, I was, as much as he was, surprised at +the filthy state of the sheets in which I had passed the night. The +accursed woman went on blaming the servant, and said that she would +discharge her; but the girl, happening to be close by, and not +relishing the accusation, told her boldly that the fault was her own, +and she then threw open the beds of my companions to shew us that +they did not experience any better treatment. The mistress, raving, +slapped her on the face, and the servant, to be even with her, +returned the compliment and ran away. The doctor left me there, +saying that I could not enter his school unless I was sent to him as +clean as the other boys. The result for me was a very sharp rebuke, +with the threat, as a finishing stroke, that if I ever caused such a +broil again, I would be ignominiously turned out of the house. + +I could not make it out; I had just entered life, and I had no +knowledge of any other place but the house in which I had been born, +in which I had been brought up, and in which I had always seen +cleanliness and honest comfort. Here I found myself ill-treated, +scolded, although it did not seem possible that any blame could be +attached to me. At last the old shrew tossed a shirt in my face, and +an hour later I saw a new servant changing the sheets, after which we +had our dinner. + +My schoolmaster took particular care in instructing me. He gave me a +seat at his own desk, and in order to shew my proper appreciation of +such a favour, I gave myself up to my studies; at the end of the +first month I could write so well that I was promoted to the grammar +class. + +The new life I was leading, the half-starvation system to which I was +condemned, and most likely more than everything else, the air of +Padua, brought me health such as I had never enjoyed before, but that +very state of blooming health made it still more difficult for me to +bear the hunger which I was compelled to endure; it became +unbearable. I was growing rapidly; I enjoyed nine hours of deep +sleep, unbroken by any dreams, save that I always fancied myself +sitting at a well-spread table, and gratifying my cruel appetite, but +every morning I could realize in full the vanity and the unpleasant +disappointment of flattering dreams! This ravenous appetite would at +last have weakened me to death, had I not made up my mind to pounce +upon, and to swallow, every kind of eatables I could find, whenever I +was certain of not being seen. + +Necessity begets ingenuity. I had spied in a cupboard of the kitchen +some fifty red herrings; I devoured them all one after the other, as +well as all the sausages which were hanging in the chimney to be +smoked; and in order to accomplish those feats without being +detected, I was in the habit of getting up at night and of +undertaking my foraging expeditions under the friendly veil of +darkness. Every new-laid egg I could discover in the poultry-yard, +quite warm and scarcely dropped by the hen, was a most delicious +treat. I would even go as far as the kitchen of the schoolmaster in +the hope of pilfering something to eat. + +The Sclavonian woman, in despair at being unable to catch the +thieves, turned away servant after servant. But, in spite of all my +expeditions, as I could not always find something to steal, I was as +thin as a walking skeleton. + +My progress at school was so rapid during four or five months that +the master promoted me to the rank of dux. My province was to +examine the lessons of my thirty school-fellows, to correct their +mistakes and report to the master with whatever note of blame or of +approval I thought they deserved; but my strictness did not last +long, for idle boys soon found out the way to enlist my sympathy. +When their Latin lesson was full of mistakes, they would buy me off +with cutlets and roast chickens; they even gave me money. These +proceedings excited my covetousness, or, rather, my gluttony, and, +not satisfied with levying a tax upon the ignorant, I became a +tyrant, and I refused well-merited approbation to all those who +declined paying the contribution I demanded. At last, unable to bear +my injustice any longer, the boys accused me, and the master, seeing +me convicted of extortion, removed me from my exalted position. I +would very likely have fared badly after my dismissal, had not Fate +decided to put an end to my cruel apprenticeship. + +Doctor Gozzi, who was attached to me, called me privately one day +into his study, and asked me whether I would feel disposed to carry +out the advice he would give me in order to bring about my removal +from the house of the Sclavonian woman, and my admission in his own +family. Finding me delighted at such an offer, he caused me to copy +three letters which I sent, one to the Abbe Grimani, another to my +friend Baffo, and the last to my excellent grandam. The half-year +was nearly out, and my mother not being in Venice at that period +there was no time to lose. + +In my letters I gave a description of all my sufferings, and I +prognosticated my death were I not immediately removed from my +boarding-house and placed under the care of my school-master, who was +disposed to receive me; but he wanted two sequins a month. + +M. Grimani did not answer me, and commissioned his friend Ottaviani +to scold me for allowing myself to be ensnared by the doctor; but M. +Baffo went to consult with my grandmother, who could not write, and +in a letter which he addressed to me he informed me that I would soon +find myself in a happier situation. And, truly, within a week the +excellent old woman, who loved me until her death, made her +appearance as I was sitting down to my dinner. She came in with the +mistress of the house, and the moment I saw her I threw my arms +around her neck, crying bitterly, in which luxury the old lady soon +joined me. She sat down and took me on her knees; my courage rose +again. In the presence of the Sclavonian woman I enumerated all my +grievances, and after calling her attention to the food, fit only for +beggars, which I was compelled to swallow, I took her upstairs to +shew her my bed. I begged her to take me out and give me a good +dinner after six months of such starvation. The boarding-house +keeper boldly asserted that she could not afford better for the +amount she had received, and there was truth in that, but she had no +business to keep house and to become the tormentor of poor children +who were thrown on her hands by stinginess, and who required to be +properly fed. + +My grandmother very quietly intimated her intention to take me away +forthwith, and asked her to put all my things in my trunk. I cannot +express my joy during these preparations. For the first time I felt +that kind of happiness which makes forgiveness compulsory upon the +being who enjoys it, and causes him to forget all previous +unpleasantness. My grandmother took me to the inn, and dinner was +served, but she could hardly eat anything in her astonishment at the +voracity with which I was swallowing my food. In the meantime Doctor +Gozzi, to whom she had sent notice of her arrival, came in, and his +appearance soon prepossessed her in his favour. He was then a fine- +looking priest, twenty-six years of age, chubby, modest, and +respectful. In less than a quarter of an hour everything was +satisfactorily arranged between them. The good old lady counted out +twenty-four sequins for one year of my schooling, and took a receipt +for the same, but she kept me with her for three days in order to +have me clothed like a priest, and to get me a wig, as the filthy +state of my hair made it necessary to have it all cut off. + +At the end of the three days she took me to the doctor's house, so as +to see herself to my installation and to recommend me to the doctor's +mother, who desired her to send or to buy in Padua a bedstead and +bedding; but the doctor having remarked that, his own bed being very +wide, I might sleep with him, my grandmother expressed her gratitude +for all his kindness, and we accompanied her as far as the burchiello +she had engaged to return to Venice. + +The family of Doctor Gozzi was composed of his mother, who had great +reverence for him, because, a peasant by birth, she did not think +herself worthy of having a son who was a priest, and still more a +doctor in divinity; she was plain, old, and cross; and of his father, +a shoemaker by trade, working all day long and never addressing a +word to anyone, not even during the meals. He only became a sociable +being on holidays, on which occasions he would spend his time with +his friends in some tavern, coming home at midnight as drunk as a +lord and singing verses from Tasso. When in this blissful state the +good man could not make up his mind to go to bed, and became violent +if anyone attempted to compel him to lie down. Wine alone gave him +sense and spirit, for when sober he was incapable of attending to the +simplest family matter, and his wife often said that he never would +have married her had not his friends taken care to give him a good +breakfast before he went to the church. + +But Doctor Gozzi had also a sister, called Bettina, who at the age of +thirteen was pretty, lively, and a great reader of romances. Her +father and mother scolded her constantly because she was too often +looking out of the window, and the doctor did the same on account of +her love for reading. This girl took at once my fancy without my +knowing why, and little by little she kindled in my heart the first +spark of a passion which, afterwards became in me the ruling one. + +Six months after I had been an inmate in the house, the doctor found +himself without scholars; they all went away because I had become the +sole object of his affection. He then determined to establish a +college, and to receive young boys as boarders; but two years passed +before he met with any success. During that period he taught me +everything he knew; true, it was not much; yet it was enough to open +to me the high road to all sciences. He likewise taught me the +violin, an accomplishment which proved very useful to me in a +peculiar circumstance, the particulars of which I will give in good +time. The excellent doctor, who was in no way a philosopher, made me +study the logic of the Peripatetics, and the cosmography of the +ancient system of Ptolemy, at which I would laugh, teasing the poor +doctor with theorems to which he could find no answer. His habits, +moreover, were irreproachable, and in all things connected with +religion, although no bigot, he was of the greatest strictness, and, +admitting everything as an article of faith, nothing appeared +difficult to his conception. He believed the deluge to have been +universal, and he thought that, before that great cataclysm, men +lived a thousand years and conversed with God, that Noah took one +hundred years to build the ark, and that the earth, suspended in the +air, is firmly held in the very centre of the universe which God had +created from nothing. When I would say and prove that it was absurd +to believe in the existence of nothingness, he would stop me short +and call me a fool. + +He could enjoy a good bed, a glass of wine, and cheerfulness at home. +He did not admire fine wits, good jests or criticism, because it +easily turns to slander, and he would laugh at the folly of men +reading newspapers which, in his opinion, always lied and constantly +repeated the same things. He asserted that nothing was more +troublesome than incertitude, and therefore he condemned thought +because it gives birth to doubt. + +His ruling passion was preaching, for which his face and his voice +qualified him; his congregation was almost entirely composed of women +of whom, however, he was the sworn enemy; so much so, that he would +not look them in the face even when he spoke to them. Weakness of +the flesh and fornication appeared to him the most monstrous of sins, +and he would be very angry if I dared to assert that, in my +estimation, they were the most venial of faults. His sermons were +crammed with passages from the Greek authors, which he translated +into Latin. One day I ventured to remark that those passages ought +to be translated into Italian because women did not understand Latin +any more than Greek, but he took offence, and I never had afterwards +the courage to allude any more to the matter. Moreover he praised me +to his friends as a wonder, because I had learned to read Greek +alone, without any assistance but a grammar. + +During Lent, in the year 1736, my mother, wrote to the doctor; and, +as she was on the point of her departure for St. Petersburg, she +wished to see me, and requested him to accompany me to Venice for +three or four days. This invitation set him thinking, for he had +never seen Venice, never frequented good company, and yet he did not +wish to appear a novice in anything. We were soon ready to leave +Padua, and all the family escorted us to the 'burchiello'. + +My mother received the doctor with a most friendly welcome; but she +was strikingly beautiful, and my poor master felt very uncomfortable, +not daring to look her in the face, and yet called upon to converse +with her. She saw the dilemma he was in, and thought she would have +some amusing sport about it should opportunity present itself. I, in +the meantime, drew the attention of everyone in her circle; everybody +had known me as a fool, and was amazed at my improvement in the short +space of two years. The doctor was overjoyed, because he saw that +the full credit of my transformation was given to him. + +The first thing which struck my mother unpleasantly was my light- +coloured wig, which was not in harmony with my dark complexion, and +contrasted most woefully with my black eyes and eyebrows. She +inquired from the doctor why I did not wear my own hair, and he +answered that, with a wig, it was easier for his sister to keep me +clean. Everyone smiled at the simplicity of the answer, but the +merriment increased when, to the question made by my mother whether +his sister was married, I took the answer upon myself, and said that +Bettina was the prettiest girl of Padua, and was only fourteen years +of age. My mother promised the doctor a splendid present for his +sister on condition that she would let me wear my own hair, and he +promised that her wishes would be complied with. The peruke-maker +was then called, and I had a wig which matched my complexion. + +Soon afterwards all the guests began to play cards, with the +exception of my master, and I went to see my brothers in my +grandmother's room. Francois shewed me some architectural designs +which I pretended to admire; Jean had nothing to skew me, and I +thought him a rather insignificant boy. The others were still very +young. + +At the supper-table, the doctor, seated next to my mother, was very +awkward. He would very likely not have said one word, had not an +Englishman, a writer of talent, addressed him in Latin; but the +doctor, being unable to make him out, modestly answered that he did +not understand English, which caused much hilarity. M. Baffo, +however, explained the puzzle by telling us that Englishmen read and +pronounced Latin in the same way that they read and spoke their own +language, and I remarked that Englishmen were wrong as much as we +would be, if we pretended to read and to pronounce their language +according to Latin rules. The Englishman, pleased with my reasoning, +wrote down the following old couplet, and gave it to me to read: + + 'Dicite, grammatici, cur mascula nomina cunnus, + Et cur femineum mentula nomen habet.' + +After reading it aloud, I exclaimed, "This is Latin indeed." + +"We know that," said my mother, "but can you explain it," + +"To explain it is not enough," I answered; "it is a question which is +worthy of an answer." And after considering for a moment, I wrote +the following pentameter + + 'Disce quod a domino nomina servus habet.' + +This was my first literary exploit, and I may say that in that very +instant the seed of my love for literary fame was sown in my breast, +for the applause lavished upon me exalted me to the very pinnacle of +happiness. The Englishman, quite amazed at my answer, said that no +boy of eleven years had ever accomplished such a feat, embraced me +repeatedly, and presented me with his watch. My mother, inquisitive +like a woman, asked M. Grimani to tell her the meaning of the lines, +but as the abbe was not any wiser than she was M. Baffo translated it +in a whisper. Surprised at my knowledge, she rose from her chair to +get a valuable gold watch and presented to my master, who, not +knowing how to express his deep gratitude, treated us to the most +comic scene. My mother, in order to save him from the difficulty of +paying her a compliment, offered him her cheek. He had only to give +her a couple of kisses, the easiest and the most innocent thing in +good company; but the poor man was on burning coals, and so +completely out of countenance that he would, I truly believe, rather +have died than give the kisses. He drew back with his head down, and +he was allowed to remain in peace until we retired for the night. + +When we found ourselves alone in our room, he poured out his heart, +and exclaimed that it was a pity he could not publish in Padua the +distich and my answer. + +"And why not?" I said. + +"Because both are obscene." + +"But they are sublime." + +"Let us go to bed and speak no more on the subject. Your answer was +wonderful, because you cannot possibly know anything of the subject +in question, or of the manner in which verses ought to be written." + +As far as the subject was concerned, I knew it by theory; for, +unknown to the doctor, and because he had forbidden it, I had read +Meursius, but it was natural that he should be amazed at my being +able to write verses, when he, who had taught me prosody, never could +compose a single line. 'Nemo dat quod non habet' is a false axiom +when applied to mental acquirements. + +Four days afterwards, as we were preparing for our departure, my +mother gave me a parcel for Bettina, and M. Grimani presented me with +four sequins to buy books. A week later my mother left for St. +Petersburg. + +After our return to Padua, my good master for three or four months +never ceased to speak of my mother, and Bettina, having found in the +parcel five yards of black silk and twelve pairs of gloves, became +singularly attached to me, and took such good care of my hair that +in less than six months I was able to give up wearing the wig. She +used to comb my hair every morning, often before I was out of bed, +saying that she had not time to wait until I was dressed. She washed +my face, my neck, my chest; lavished on me childish caresses which I +thought innocent, but which caused me to, be angry with myself, +because I felt that they excited me. Three years younger than she +was, it seemed to me that she could not love me with any idea of +mischief, and the consciousness of my own vicious excitement put me +out of temper with myself. When, seated on my bed, she would say +that I was getting stouter, and would have the proof of it with her +own hands, she caused me the most intense emotion; but I said +nothing, for fear she would remark my sensitiveness, and when she +would go on saying that my skin was soft, the tickling sensation made +me draw back, angry with myself that I did not dare to do the same to +her, but delighted at her not guessing how I longed to do it. When I +was dressed, she often gave me the sweetest kisses, calling me her +darling child, but whatever wish I had to follow her example, I was +not yet bold enough. After some time, however, Bettina laughing at +my timidity, I became more daring and returned her kisses with +interest, but I always gave way the moment I felt a wish to go +further; I then would turn my head, pretending to look for something, +and she would go away. She was scarcely out of the room before I was +in despair at not having followed the inclination of my nature, and, +astonished at the fact that Bettina could do to me all she was in the +habit of doing without feeling any excitement from it, while I could +hardly refrain from pushing my attacks further, I would every day +determine to change my way of acting. + +In the early part of autumn, the doctor received three new boarders; +and one of them, who was fifteen years old, appeared to me in less +than a month on very friendly terms with Bettina. + +This circumstance caused me a feeling of which until then I had no +idea, and which I only analyzed a few years afterwards. It was +neither jealousy nor indignation, but a noble contempt which I +thought ought not to be repressed, because Cordiani, an ignorant, +coarse boy, without talent or polite education, the son of a simple +farmer, and incapable of competing with me in anything, having over +me but the advantage of dawning manhood, did not appear to me a fit +person to be preferred to me; my young self-esteem whispered that I +was above him. I began to nurse a feeling of pride mixed with +contempt which told against Bettina, whom I loved unknown to myself. +She soon guessed it from the way I would receive her caresses, when +she came to comb my hair while I was in bed; I would repulse her +hands, and no longer return her kisses. One day, vexed at my +answering her question as to the reason of my change towards her by +stating that I had no cause for it, she, told me in a tone of +commiseration that I was jealous of Cordiani. This reproach sounded +to me like a debasing slander. I answered that Cordiani was, in my +estimation, as worthy of her as she was worthy of him. She went away +smiling, but, revolving in her mind the only way by which she could +be revenged, she thought herself bound to render me jealous. +However, as she could not attain such an end without making me fall +in love with her, this is the policy she adopted. + +One morning she came to me as I was in bed and brought me a pair of +white stockings of her own knitting. After dressing my hair, she +asked my permission to try the stockings on herself, in order to +correct any deficiency in the other pairs she intended to knit for +me. The doctor had gone out to say his mass. As she was putting on +the stocking, she remarked that my legs were not clean, and without +any more ado she immediately began to wash them. I would have been +ashamed to let her see my bashfulness; I let her do as she liked, not +foreseeing what would happen. Bettina, seated on my bed, carried too +far her love for cleanliness, and her curiosity caused me such +intense voluptuousness that the feeling did not stop until it could +be carried no further. Having recovered my calm, I bethought myself +that I was guilty and begged her forgiveness. She did not expect +this, and, after considering for a few moments, she told me kindly +that the fault was entirely her own, but that she never would again +be guilty of it. And she went out of the room, leaving me to my own +thoughts. + +They were of a cruel character. It seemed to me that I had brought +dishonour upon Bettina, that I had betrayed the confidence of her +family, offended against the sacred laws of hospitality, that I was +guilty of a most wicked crime, which I could only atone for by +marrying her, in case Bettina could make up her mind to accept for +her husband a wretch unworthy of her. + +These thoughts led to a deep melancholy which went on increasing from +day to day, Bettina having entirely ceased her morning visits by my +bedside. During the first week, I could easily account for the +girl's reserve, and my sadness would soon have taken the character of +the warmest love, had not her manner towards Cordiani inoculated in +my veins the poison of jealousy, although I never dreamed of accusing +her of the same crime towards him that she had committed upon me. + +I felt convinced, after due consideration, that the act she had been +guilty of with me had been deliberately done, and that her feelings +of repentance kept her away from me. This conviction was rather +flattering to my vanity, as it gave me the hope of being loved, and +the end of all my communings was that I made up my mind to write to +her, and thus to give her courage. + +I composed a letter, short but calculated to restore peace to her +mind, whether she thought herself guilty, or suspected me of feelings +contrary to those which her dignity might expect from me. My letter +was, in my own estimation, a perfect masterpiece, and just the kind +of epistle by which I was certain to conquer her very adoration, and +to sink for ever the sun of Cordiani, whom I could not accept as the +sort of being likely to make her hesitate for one instant in her +choice between him and me. Half-an-hour after the receipt of my +letter, she told me herself that the next morning she would pay me +her usual visit, but I waited in vain. This conduct provoked me +almost to madness, but my surprise was indeed great when, at the +breakfast table, she asked me whether I would let her dress me up as +a girl to accompany her five or six days later to a ball for which a +neighbour of ours, Doctor Olivo, had sent letters of invitation. +Everybody having seconded the motion, I gave my consent. I thought +this arrangement would afford a favourable opportunity for an +explanation, for mutual vindication, and would open a door for the +most complete reconciliation, without fear of any surprise arising +from the proverbial weakness of the flesh. But a most unexpected +circumstance prevented our attending the ball, and brought forth a +comedy with a truly tragic turn. + +Doctor Gozzi's godfather, a man advanced in age, and in easy +circumstances, residing in the country, thought himself, after a +severe illness, very near his end, and sent to the doctor a carriage +with a request to come to him at once with his father, as he wished +them to be present at his death, and to pray for his departing soul. +The old shoemaker drained a bottle, donned his Sunday clothes, and +went off with his son. + +I thought this a favourable opportunity and determined to improve it, +considering that the night of the ball was too remote to suit my +impatience. I therefore managed to tell Bettina that I would leave +ajar the door of my room, and that I would wait for her as soon as +everyone in the house had gone to bed. She promised to come. She +slept on the ground floor in a small closet divided only by a +partition from her father's chamber; the doctor being away, I was +alone in the large room. The three boarders had their apartment in a +different part of the house, and I had therefore no mishap to fear. +I was delighted at the idea that I had at last reached the moment so +ardently desired. + +The instant I was in my room I bolted my door and opened the one +leading to the passage, so that Bettina should have only to push it +in order to come in; I then put my light out, but did not undress. +When we read of such situations in a romance we think they are +exaggerated; they are not so, and the passage in which Ariosto +represents Roger waiting for Alcine is a beautiful picture painted +from nature. + +Until midnight I waited without feeling much anxiety; but I heard the +clock strike two, three, four o'clock in the morning without seeing +Bettina; my blood began to boil, and I was soon in a state of furious +rage. It was snowing hard, but I shook from passion more than from +cold. One hour before day-break, unable to master any longer my +impatience, I made up my mind to go downstairs with bare feet, so as +not to wake the dog, and to place myself at the bottom of the stairs +within a yard of Bettina's door, which ought to have been opened if +she had gone out of her room. I reached the door; it was closed, and +as it could be locked only from inside I imagined that Bettina had +fallen asleep. I was on the point of knocking at the door, but was +prevented by fear of rousing the dog, as from that door to that of +her closet there was a distance of three or four yards. Overwhelmed +with grief, and unable to take a decision, I sat down on the last +step of the stairs; but at day-break, chilled, benumbed, shivering +with cold, afraid that the servant would see me and would think I was +mad, I determined to go back to my room. I arise, but at that very +moment I hear some noise in Bettina's room. Certain that I am going +to see her, and hope lending me new strength, I draw nearer to the +door. It opens; but instead of Bettina coming out I see Cordiani, +who gives me such a furious kick in the stomach that I am thrown at a +distance deep in the snow. Without stopping a single instant +Cordiani is off, and locks himself up in the room which he shared +with the brothers Feltrini. + +I pick myself up quickly with the intention of taking my revenge upon +Bettina, whom nothing could have saved from the effects of my rage at +that moment. But I find her door locked; I kick vigorously against +it, the dog starts a loud barking, and I make a hurried retreat to my +room, in which I lock myself up, throwing myself in bed to compose +and heal up my mind and body, for I was half dead. + +Deceived, humbled, ill-treated, an object of contempt to the happy +and triumphant Cordiani, I spent three hours ruminating the darkest +schemes of revenge. To poison them both seemed to me but a trifle in +that terrible moment of bitter misery. This project gave way to +another as extravagant, as cowardly-namely, to go at once to her +brother and disclose everything to him. I was twelve years of age, +and my mind had not yet acquired sufficient coolness to mature +schemes of heroic revenge, which are produced by false feelings of +honour; this was only my apprenticeship in such adventures. + +I was in that state of mind when suddenly I heard outside of my door +the gruff voice of Bettina's mother, who begged me to come down, +adding that her daughter was dying. As I would have been very sorry +if she had departed this life before she could feel the effects of my +revenge, I got up hurriedly and went downstairs. I found Bettina +lying in her father's bed writhing with fearful convulsions, and +surrounded by the whole family. Half dressed, nearly bent in two, +she was throwing her body now to the right, now to the left, striking +at random with her feet and with her fists, and extricating herself +by violent shaking from the hands of those who endeavoured to keep +her down. + +With this sight before me, and the night's adventure still in my +mind, I hardly knew what to think. I had no knowledge of human +nature, no knowledge of artifice and tricks, and I could not +understand how I found myself coolly witnessing such a scene, and +composedly calm in the presence of two beings, one of whom I intended +to kill and the other to dishonour. At the end of an hour Bettina +fell asleep. + +A nurse and Doctor Olivo came soon after. The first said that the +convulsions were caused by hysterics, but the doctor said no, and +prescribed rest and cold baths. I said nothing, but I could not +refrain from laughing at them, for I knew, or rather guessed, that +Bettina's sickness was the result of her nocturnal employment, or of +the fright which she must have felt at my meeting with Cordiani. At +all events, I determined to postpone my revenge until the return of +her brother, although I had not the slightest suspicion that her +illness was all sham, for I did not give her credit for so much +cleverness. + +To return to my room I had to pass through Bettina's closet, and +seeing her dress handy on the bed I took it into my head to search +her pockets. I found a small note, and recognizing Cordiani's +handwriting, I took possession of it to read it in my room. I +marvelled at the girl's imprudence, for her mother might have +discovered it, and being unable to read would very likely have given +it to the doctor, her son. I thought she must have taken leave of +her senses, but my feelings may be appreciated when I read the +following words: "As your father is away it is not necessary to leave +your door ajar as usual. When we leave the supper-table I will go to +your closet; you will find me there." + +When I recovered from my stupor I gave way to an irresistible fit of +laughter, and seeing how completely I had been duped I thought I was +cured of my love. Cordiani appeared to me deserving of forgiveness, +and Bettina of contempt. I congratulated myself upon having received +a lesson of such importance for the remainder of my life. I even +went so far as to acknowledge to myself that Bettina had been quite +right in giving the preference to Cordiani, who was fifteen years +old, while I was only a child. Yet, in spite of my good disposition +to forgiveness, the kick administered by Cordiani was still heavy +upon my memory, and I could not help keeping a grudge against him. + +At noon, as we were at dinner in the kitchen, where we took our meals +on account of the cold weather, Bettina began again to raise piercing +screams. Everybody rushed to her room, but I quietly kept my seat +and finished my dinner, after which I went to my studies. In the +evening when I came down to supper I found that Bettina's bed had +been brought to the kitchen close by her mother's; but it was no +concern of mine, and I remained likewise perfectly indifferent to the +noise made during the night, and to the confusion which took place in +the morning, when she had a fresh fit of convulsions. + +Doctor Gozzi and his father returned in the evening. Cordiani, who +felt uneasy, came to inquire from me what my intentions were, but I +rushed towards him with an open penknife in my hand, and he beat a +hasty retreat. I had entirely abandoned the idea of relating the +night's scandalous adventure to the doctor, for such a project I +could only entertain in a moment of excitement and rage. The next +day the mother came in while we were at our lesson, and told the +doctor, after a lengthened preamble, that she had discovered the +character of her daughter's illness; that it was caused by a spell +thrown over her by a witch, and that she knew the witch well. + +"It may be, my dear mother, but we must be careful not to make a +mistake. Who is the witch?" + +"Our old servant, and I have just had a proof of it." + +"How so?" + +"I have barred the door of my room with two broomsticks placed in the +shape of a cross, which she must have undone to go in; but when she +saw them she drew back, and she went round by the other door. It is +evident that, were she not a witch, she would not be afraid of +touching them." + +"It is not complete evidence, dear mother; send the woman to me." + +The servant made her appearance. + +"Why," said the doctor, "did you not enter my mother's room this +morning through the usual door?" + +"I do not know what you mean." + +"Did you not see the St. Andrew's cross on the door?" + +"What cross is that?" + +"It is useless to plead ignorance," said the mother; "where did you +sleep last Thursday night?" + +"At my niece's, who had just been confined." + +"Nothing of the sort. You were at the witches' Sabbath; you are a +witch, and have bewitched my daughter." + +The poor woman, indignant at such an accusation, spits at her +mistress's face; the mistress, enraged, gets hold of a stick to give +the servant a drubbing; the doctor endeavours to keep his mother +back, but he is compelled to let her loose and to run after the +servant, who was hurrying down the stairs, screaming and howling in +order to rouse the neighbours; he catches her, and finally succeeds +in pacifying her with some money. + +After this comical but rather scandalous exhibition, the doctor +donned his vestments for the purpose of exorcising his sister and of +ascertaining whether she was truly possessed of an unclean spirit. +The novelty of this mystery attracted the whole of my attention. All +the inmates of the house appeared to me either mad or stupid, for I +could not, for the life of me, imagine that diabolical spirits were +dwelling in Bettina's body. When we drew near her bed, her breathing +had, to all appearance, stopped, and the exorcisms of her brother did +not restore it. Doctor Olivo happened to come in at that moment, and +inquired whether he would be in the way; he was answered in the +negative, provided he had faith. + +Upon which he left, saying that he had no faith in any miracles +except in those of the Gospel. + +Soon after Doctor Gozzi went to his room, and finding myself alone +with Bettina I bent down over her bed and whispered in her ear. + +"Take courage, get well again, and rely upon my discretion." + +She turned her head towards the wall and did not answer me, but the +day passed off without any more convulsions. I thought I had cured +her, but on the following day the frenzy went up to the brain, and in +her delirium she pronounced at random Greek and Latin words without +any meaning, and then no doubt whatever was entertained of her being +possessed of the evil spirit. Her mother went out and returned soon, +accompanied by the most renowned exorcist of Padua, a very ill- +featured Capuchin, called Friar Prospero da Bovolenta. + +The moment Bettina saw the exorcist, she burst into loud laughter, +and addressed to him the most offensive insults, which fairly +delighted everybody, as the devil alone could be bold enough to +address a Capuchin in such a manner; but the holy man, hearing +himself called an obtrusive ignoramus and a stinkard, went on +striking Bettina with a heavy crucifix, saying that he was beating +the devil. He stopped only when he saw her on the point of hurling +at him the chamber utensil which she had just seized. "If it is the +devil who has offended thee with his words," she said, "resent the +insult with words likewise, jackass that thou art, but if I have +offended thee myself, learn, stupid booby, that thou must respect me, +and be off at once." + +I could see poor Doctor Gozzi blushing; the friar, however, held his +ground, and, armed at all points, began to read a terrible exorcism, +at the end of which he commanded the devil to state his name. + +"My name is Bettina." + +"It cannot be, for it is the name of a baptized girl." + +"Then thou art of opinion that a devil must rejoice in a masculine +name? Learn, ignorant friar, that a devil is a spirit, and does not +belong to either sex. But as thou believest that a devil is speaking +to thee through my lips, promise to answer me with truth, and I will +engage to give way before thy incantations." + +"Very well, I agree to this." + +"Tell me, then, art thou thinking that thy knowledge is greater than +mine?" + +"No, but I believe myself more powerful in the name of the holy +Trinity, and by my sacred character." + +"If thou art more powerful than I, then prevent me from telling thee +unpalatable truths. Thou art very vain of thy beard, thou art +combing and dressing it ten times a day, and thou would'st not shave +half of it to get me out of this body. Cut off thy beard, and I +promise to come out." + +"Father of lies, I will increase thy punishment a hundred fold." + +"I dare thee to do it." + +After saying these words, Bettina broke into such a loud peal of +laughter, that I could not refrain from joining in it. The Capuchin, +turning towards Doctor Gozzi, told him that I was wanting in faith, +and that I ought to leave the room; which I did, remarking that he +had guessed rightly. I was not yet out of the room when the friar +offered his hand to Bettina for her to kiss, and I had the pleasure +of seeing her spit upon it. + +This strange girl, full of extraordinary talent, made rare sport of +the friar, without causing any surprise to anyone, as all her answers +were attributed to the devil. I could not conceive what her purpose +was in playing such a part. + +The Capuchin dined with us, and during the meal he uttered a good +deal of nonsense. After dinner, he returned to Bettina's chamber, +with the intention of blessing her, but as soon as she caught sight +of him, she took up a glass full of some black mixture sent from the +apothecary, and threw it at his head. Cordiani, being close by the +friar, came in for a good share of the liquid-an accident which +afforded me the greatest delight. Bettina was quite right to improve +her opportunity, as everything she did was, of course, put to the +account of the unfortunate devil. Not overmuch pleased, Friar +Prospero, as he left the house, told the doctor that there was no +doubt of the girl being possessed, but that another exorcist must be +sent for, since he had not, himself, obtained God's grace to eject +the evil spirit. + +After he had gone, Bettina kept very calm for six hours, and in the +evening, to our great surprise, she joined us at the supper table. +She told her parents that she felt quite well, spoke to her brother, +and then, addressing me, she remarked that, the ball taking place on +the morrow, she would come to my room in the morning to dress my hair +like a girl's. I thanked her, and said that, as she had been so ill, +she ought to nurse herself. She soon retired to bed, and we remained +at the table, talking of her. + +When I was undressing for the night, I took up my night-cap, and +found in it a small note with these words: "You must accompany me to +the ball, disguised as a girl, or I will give you a sight which will +cause you to weep." + +I waited until the doctor was asleep, and I wrote the following +answer: "I cannot go to the ball, because I have fully made up my +mind to avoid every opportunity of being alone with you. As for the +painful sight with which you threaten to entertain me, I believe you +capable of keeping your word, but I entreat you to spare my heart, +for I love you as if you were my sister. I have forgiven you, dear +Bettina, and I wish to forget everything. I enclose a note which you +must be delighted to have again in your possession. You see what +risk you were running when you left it in your pocket. This +restitution must convince you of my friendship." + + + + +CHAPTER III + +Bettina Is Supposed to Go Mad--Father Mancia--The Small-pox-- +I Leave Padua + + +Bettina must have been in despair, not knowing into whose hands her +letter had fallen; to return it to her and thus to allay her anxiety, +was therefore a great proof of friendship; but my generosity, at the +same time that it freed her from a keen sorrow, must have caused her +another quite as dreadful, for she knew that I was master of her +secret. Cordiani's letter was perfectly explicit; it gave the +strongest evidence that she was in the habit of receiving him every +night, and therefore the story she had prepared to deceive me was +useless. I felt it was so, and, being disposed to calm her anxiety +as far as I could, I went to her bedside in the morning, and I placed +in her hands Cordiani's note and my answer to her letter. + +The girl's spirit and talent had won my esteem; I could no longer +despise her; I saw in her only a poor creature seduced by her natural +temperament. She loved man, and was to be pitied only on account of +the consequences. Believing that the view I took of the situation +was a right one, I had resigned myself like a reasonable being, and +not like a disappointed lover. The shame was for her and not for me. +I had only one wish, namely, to find out whether the two brothers +Feltrini, Cordiani's companions, had likewise shared Bettina's +favours. + +Bettina put on throughout the day a cheerful and happy look. In the +evening she dressed herself for the ball; but suddenly an attack of +sickness, whether feigned or real I did not know, compelled her to go +to bed, and frightened everybody in the house. As for myself, +knowing the whole affair, I was prepared for new scenes, and indeed +for sad ones, for I felt that I had obtained over her a power +repugnant to her vanity and self-love. I must, however, confess +that, in spite of the excellent school in which I found myself before +I had attained manhood, and which ought to have given me experience +as a shield for the future, I have through the whole of my life been +the dupe of women. Twelve years ago, if it had not been for my +guardian angel, I would have foolishly married a young, thoughtless +girl, with whom I had fallen in love: Now that I am seventy-two years +old I believe myself no longer susceptible of such follies; but, +alas! that is the very thing which causes me to be miserable. + +The next day the whole family was deeply grieved because the devil of +whom Bettina was possessed had made himself master of her reason. +Doctor Gozzi told me that there could not be the shadow of a doubt +that his unfortunate sister was possessed, as, if she had only been +mad, she never would have so cruelly ill-treated the Capuchin, +Prospero, and he determined to place her under the care of Father +Mancia. + +This Mancia was a celebrated Jacobin (or Dominican) exorcist, who +enjoyed the reputation of never having failed to cure a girl +possessed of the demon. + +Sunday had come; Bettina had made a good dinner, but she had been +frantic all through the day. Towards midnight her father came home, +singing Tasso as usual, and so drunk that he could not stand. He +went up to Bettina's bed, and after kissing her affectionately he +said to her: "Thou art not mad, my girl." + +Her answer was that he was not drunk. + +"Thou art possessed of the devil, my dear child." + +"Yes, father, and you alone can cure me." + +"Well, I am ready." + +Upon this our shoemaker begins a theological discourse, expatiating +upon the power of faith and upon the virtue of the paternal blessing. +He throws off his cloak, takes a crucifix with one hand, places the +other over the head of his daughter, and addresses the devil in such +an amusing way that even his wife, always a stupid, dull, cross- +grained old woman, had to laugh till the tears came down her cheeks. +The two performers in the comedy alone were not laughing, and their +serious countenance added to the fun of the performance. I marvelled +at Bettina (who was always ready to enjoy a good laugh) having +sufficient control over herself to remain calm and grave. Doctor +Gozzi had also given way to merriment; but begged that the farce +should come to an end, for he deemed that his father's eccentricities +were as many profanations against the sacredness of exorcism. At +last the exorcist, doubtless tired out, went to bed saying that he +was certain that the devil would not disturb his daughter during the +night. + +On the morrow, just as we had finished our breakfast, Father Mancia +made his appearance. Doctor Gozzi, followed by the whole family, +escorted him to his sister's bedside. As for me, I was entirely +taken up by the face of the monk. Here is his portrait. His figure +was tall and majestic, his age about thirty; he had light hair and +blue eyes; his features were those of Apollo, but without his pride +and assuming haughtiness; his complexion, dazzling white, was pale, +but that paleness seemed to have been given for the very purpose of +showing off the red coral of his lips, through which could be seen, +when they opened, two rows of pearls. He was neither thin nor stout, +and the habitual sadness of his countenance enhanced its sweetness. +His gait was slow, his air timid, an indication of the great modesty +of his mind. + +When we entered the room Bettina was asleep, or pretended to be so. +Father Mancia took a sprinkler and threw over her a few drops of holy +water; she opened her eyes, looked at the monk, and closed them +immediately; a little while after she opened them again, had a better +look at him, laid herself on her back, let her arms droop down +gently, and with her head prettily bent on one side she fell into the +sweetest of slumbers. + +The exorcist, standing by the bed, took out his pocket ritual and the +stole which he put round his neck, then a reliquary, which he placed +on the bosom of the sleeping girl, and with the air of a saint he +begged all of us to fall on our knees and to pray, so that God should +let him know whether the patient was possessed or only labouring +under a natural disease. He kept us kneeling for half an hour, +reading all the time in a low tone of voice. Bettina did not stir. + +Tired, I suppose, of the performance, he desired to speak privately +with Doctor Gozzi. They passed into the next room, out of which they +emerged after a quarter of an hour, brought back by a loud peal of +laughter from the mad girl, who, when she saw them, turned her back +on them. Father Mancia smiled, dipped the sprinkler over and over in +the holy water, gave us all a generous shower, and took his leave. + +Doctor Gozzi told us that the exorcist would come again on the +morrow, and that he had promised to deliver Bettina within three +hours if she were truly possessed of the demon, but that he made no +promise if it should turn out to be a case of madness. The mother +exclaimed that he would surely deliver her, and she poured out her +thanks to God for having allowed her the grace of beholding a saint +before her death. + +The following day Bettina was in a fine frenzy. She began to utter +the most extravagant speeches that a poet could imagine, and did not +stop when the charming exorcist came into her room; he seemed to +enjoy her foolish talk for a few minutes, after which, having armed +himself 'cap-a-pie', he begged us to withdraw. His order was obeyed +instantly; we left the chamber, and the door remained open. But what +did it matter? Who would have been bold enough to go in? + +During three long hours we heard nothing; the stillness was unbroken. +At noon the monk called us in. Bettina was there sad and very quiet +while the exorcist packed up his things. He took his departure, +saying he had very good hopes of the case, and requesting that the +doctor would send him news of the patient. Bettina partook of dinner +in her bed, got up for supper, and the next day behaved herself +rationally; but the following circumstance strengthened my opinion +that she had been neither insane nor possessed. + +It was two days before the Purification of the Holy Virgin. Doctor +Gozzi was in the habit of giving us the sacrament in his own church, +but he always sent us for our confession to the church of Saint- +Augustin, in which the Jacobins of Padua officiated. At the supper +table, he told us to prepare ourselves for the next day, and his +mother, addressing us, said: "You ought, all of you, to confess to +Father Mancia, so as to obtain absolution from that holy man. I +intend to go to him myself." Cordiani and the two Feltrini agreed to +the proposal; I remained silent, but as the idea was unpleasant to +me, I concealed the feeling, with a full determination to prevent the +execution of the project. + +I had entire confidence in the secrecy of confession, and I was +incapable of making a false one, but knowing that I had a right to +choose my confessor, I most certainly never would have been so simple +as to confess to Father Mancia what had taken place between me and a +girl, because he would have easily guessed that the girl could be no +other but Bettina. Besides, I was satisfied that Cordiani would +confess everything to the monk, and I was deeply sorry. + +Early the next morning, Bettina brought me a band for my neck, and +gave me the following letter: "Spurn me, but respect my honour and +the shadow of peace to which I aspire. No one from this house must +confess to Father Mancia; you alone can prevent the execution of +that project, and I need not suggest the way to succeed. It will +prove whether you have some friendship for me." + +I could not express the pity I felt for the poor girl, as I read that +note. In spite of that feeling, this is what I answered: "I can well +understand that, notwithstanding the inviolability of confession, +your mother's proposal should cause you great anxiety; but I cannot +see why, in order to prevent its execution, you should depend upon me +rather than upon Cordiani who has expressed his acceptance of it. +All I can promise you is that I will not be one of those who may go +to Father Mancia; but I have no influence over your lover; you alone +can speak to him." + +She replied: "I have never addressed a word to Cordiani since the +fatal night which has sealed my misery, and I never will speak to him +again, even if I could by so doing recover my lost happiness. To you +alone I wish to be indebted for my life and for my honour." + +This girl appeared to me more wonderful than all the heroines of whom +I had read in novels. It seemed to me that she was making sport of +me with the most barefaced effrontery. I thought she was trying to +fetter me again with her chains; and although I had no inclination +for them, I made up my mind to render her the service she claimed at +my hands, and which she believed I alone could compass. She felt +certain of her success, but in what school had she obtained her +experience of the human heart? Was it in reading novels? Most +likely the reading of a certain class of novels causes the ruin of a +great many young girls, but I am of opinion that from good romances +they acquire graceful manners and a knowledge of society. + +Having made up my mind to shew her every kindness in my power, I took +an opportunity, as we were undressing for the night, of telling +Doctor Gozzi that, for conscientious motives, I could not confess to +Father Mancia, and yet that I did not wish to be an exception in that +matter. He kindly answered that he understood my reasons, and that +he would take us all to the church of Saint-Antoine. I kissed his +hand in token of my gratitude. + +On the following day, everything having gone according to her wishes, +I saw Bettina sit down to the table with a face beaming with +satisfaction. In the afternoon I had to go to bed in consequence of +a wound in my foot; the doctor accompanied his pupils to church; and +Bettina being alone, availed herself of the opportunity, came to my +room and sat down on my bed. I had expected her visit, and I +received it with pleasure, as it heralded an explanation for which I +was positively longing. + +She began by expressing a hope that I would not be angry with her for +seizing the first opportunity she had of some conversation with me. + +"No," I answered, "for you thus afford me an occasion of assuring you +that, my feelings towards you being those of a friend only, you need +not have any fear of my causing you any anxiety or displeasure. +Therefore Bettina, you may do whatever suits you; my love is no more. +You have at one blow given the death-stroke to the intense passion +which was blossoming in my heart. When I reached my room, after the +ill-treatment I had experienced at Cordiani's hands, I felt for you +nothing but hatred; that feeling soon merged into utter contempt, but +that sensation itself was in time, when my mind recovered its +balance, changed for a feeling of the deepest indifference, which +again has given way when I saw what power there is in your mind. I +have now become your friend; I have conceived the greatest esteem for +your cleverness. I have been the dupe of it, but no matter; that +talent of yours does exist, it is wonderful, divine, I admire it, I +love it, and the highest homage I can render to it is, in my +estimation, to foster for the possessor of it the purest feelings of +friendship. Reciprocate that friendship, be true, sincere, and plain +dealing. Give up all nonsense, for you have already obtained from me +all I can give you. The very thought of love is repugnant to me; I +can bestow my love only where I feel certain of being the only one +loved. You are at liberty to lay my foolish delicacy to the account +of my youthful age, but I feel so, and I cannot help it. You have +written to me that you never speak to Cordiani; if I am the cause of +that rupture between you, I regret it, and I think that, in the +interest of your honour, you would do well to make it up with him; +for the future I must be careful never to give him any grounds for +umbrage or suspicion. Recollect also that, if you have tempted him +by the same manoeuvres which you have employed towards me, you are +doubly wrong, for it may be that, if he truly loves you, you have +caused him to be miserable." + +"All you have just said to me," answered Bettina, "is grounded upon +false impressions and deceptive appearances. I do not love Cordiani, +and I never had any love for him; on the contrary, I have felt, and I +do feel, for him a hatred which he has richly deserved, and I hope to +convince you, in spite of every appearance which seems to convict me. +As to the reproach of seduction, I entreat you to spare me such an +accusation. On our side, consider that, if you had not yourself +thrown temptation in my way, I never would have committed towards you +an action of which I have deeply repented, for reasons which you do +not know, but which you must learn from me. The fault I have been +guilty of is a serious one only because I did not foresee the injury +it would do me in the inexperienced mind of the ingrate who dares to +reproach me with it." + +Bettina was shedding tears: all she had said was not unlikely and +rather complimentary to my vanity, but I had seen too much. Besides, +I knew the extent of her cleverness, and it was very natural to lend +her a wish to deceive me; how could I help thinking that her visit to +me was prompted only by her self-love being too deeply wounded to let +me enjoy a victory so humiliating to herself? Therefore, unshaken in +my preconceived opinion, I told her that I placed implicit confidence +in all she had just said respecting the state of her heart previous +to the playful nonsense which had been the origin of my love for her, +and that I promised never in the future to allude again to my +accusation of seduction. "But," I continued, "confess that the fire +at that time burning in your bosom was only of short duration, and +that the slightest breath of wind had been enough to extinguish it. +Your virtue, which went astray for only one instant, and which has so +suddenly recovered its mastery over your senses, deserves some +praise. You, with all your deep adoring love for me, became all at +once blind to my sorrow, whatever care I took to make it clear to +your sight. It remains for me to learn how that virtue could be so +very dear to you, at the very time that Cordiani took care to wreck +it every night." + +Bettina eyed me with the air of triumph which perfect confidence in +victory gives to a person, and said: "You have just reached the point +where I wished you to be. You shall now be made aware of things +which I could not explain before, owing to your refusing the +appointment which I then gave you for no other purpose than to tell +you all the truth. Cordiani declared his love for me a week after he +became an inmate in our house; he begged my consent to a marriage, if +his father made the demand of my hand as soon as he should have +completed his studies. My answer was that I did not know him +sufficiently, that I could form no idea on the subject, and I +requested him not to allude to it any more. He appeared to have +quietly given up the matter, but soon after, I found out that it was +not the case; he begged me one day to come to his room now and then +to dress his hair; I told him I had no time to spare, and he remarked +that you were more fortunate. I laughed at this reproach, as +everyone here knew that I had the care of you. It was a fortnight +after my refusal to Cordiani, that I unfortunately spent an hour with +you in that loving nonsense which has naturally given you ideas until +then unknown to your senses. That hour made me very happy: I loved +you, and having given way to very natural desires, I revelled in my +enjoyment without the slightest remorse of conscience. I was longing +to be again with you the next morning, but after supper, misfortune +laid for the first time its hand upon me. Cordiani slipped in my +hands this note and this letter which I have since hidden in a hole +in the wall, with the intention of shewing them to you at the first +opportunity." + +Saying this, Bettina handed me the note and the letter; the first ran +as follows: "Admit me this evening in your closet, the door of which, +leading to the yard, can be left ajar, or prepare yourself to make +the best of it with the doctor, to whom I intend to deliver, if you +should refuse my request, the letter of which I enclose a copy." + +The letter contained the statement of a cowardly and enraged +informer, and would certainly have caused the most unpleasant +results. In that letter Cordiani informed the doctor that his sister +spent her mornings with me in criminal connection while he was saying +his mass, and he pledged himself to enter into particulars which +would leave him no doubt. + +"After giving to the case the consideration it required," continued +Bettina, "I made up my mind to hear that monster; but my +determination being fixed, I put in my pocket my father's stilletto, +and holding my door ajar I waited for him there, unwilling to let him +come in, as my closet is divided only by a thin partition from the +room of my father, whom the slightest noise might have roused up. My +first question to Cordiani was in reference to the slander contained +in the letter he threatened to deliver to my brother: he answered +that it was no slander, for he had been a witness to everything that +had taken place in the morning through a hole he had bored in the +garret just above your bed, and to which he would apply his eye the +moment he knew that I was in your room. He wound up by threatening +to discover everything to my brother and to my mother, unless I +granted him the same favours I had bestowed upon you. In my just +indignation I loaded him with the most bitter insults, I called him a +cowardly spy and slanderer, for he could not have seen anything but +childish playfulness, and I declared to him that he need not flatter +himself that any threat would compel me to give the slightest +compliance to his wishes. He then begged and begged my pardon a +thousand times, and went on assuring me that I must lay to my rigour +the odium of the step he had taken, the only excuse for it being in +the fervent love I had kindled in his heart, and which made him +miserable. He acknowledged that his letter might be a slander, that +he had acted treacherously, and he pledged his honour never to +attempt obtaining from me by violence favours which he desired to +merit only by the constancy of his love. I then thought myself to +some extent compelled to say that I might love him at some future +time, and to promise that I would not again come near your bed during +the absence of my brother. In this way I dismissed him satisfied, +without his daring to beg for so much as a kiss, but with the promise +that we might now and then have some conversation in the same place. +As soon as he left me I went to bed, deeply grieved that I could no +longer see you in the absence of my brother, and that I was unable, +for fear of consequences, to let you know the reason of my change. +Three weeks passed off in that position, and I cannot express what +have been my sufferings, for you, of course, urged me to come, and I +was always under the painful necessity of disappointing you. I even +feared to find myself alone with you, for I felt certain that I could +not have refrained from telling you the cause of the change in my +conduct. To crown my misery, add that I found myself compelled, at +least once a week, to receive the vile Cordiani outside of my room, +and to speak to him, in order to check his impatience with a few +words. At last, unable to bear up any longer under such misery, +threatened likewise by you, I determined to end my agony. I wished +to disclose to you all this intrigue, leaving to you the care of +bringing a change for the better, and for that purpose I proposed +that you should accompany me to the ball disguised as a girl, +although I knew it would enrage Cordiani; but my mind was made up. +You know how my scheme fell to the ground. The unexpected departure +of my brother with my father suggested to both of you the same idea, +and it was before receiving Cordiani's letter that I promised to come +to you. Cordiani did not ask for an appointment; he only stated that +he would be waiting for me in my closet, and I had no opportunity of +telling him that I could not allow him to come, any more than I could +find time to let you know that I would be with you only after +midnight, as I intended to do, for I reckoned that after an hour's +talk I would dismiss the wretch to his room. But my reckoning was +wrong; Cordiani had conceived a scheme, and I could not help +listening to all he had to say about it. His whining and exaggerated +complaints had no end. He upbraided me for refusing to further the +plan he had concocted, and which he thought I would accept with +rapture if I loved him. The scheme was for me to elope with him +during holy week, and to run away to Ferrara, where he had an uncle +who would have given us a kind welcome, and would soon have brought +his father to forgive him and to insure our happiness for life. The +objections I made, his answers, the details to be entered into, the +explanations and the ways and means to be examined to obviate the +difficulties of the project, took up the whole night. My heart was +bleeding as I thought of you; but my conscience is at rest, and I did +nothing that could render me unworthy of your esteem. You cannot +refuse it to me, unless you believe that the confession I have just +made is untrue; but you would be both mistaken and unjust. Had I +made up my mind to sacrifice myself and to grant favours which love +alone ought to obtain, I might have got rid of the treacherous wretch +within one hour, but death seemed preferable to such a dreadful +expedient. Could I in any way suppose that you were outside of my +door, exposed to the wind and to the snow? Both of us were +deserving of pity, but my misery was still greater than yours. All +these fearful circumstances were written in the book of fate, to make +me lose my reason, which now returns only at intervals, and I am in +constant dread of a fresh attack of those awful convulsions. They +say I am bewitched, and possessed of the demon; I do not know +anything about it, but if it should be true I am the most miserable +creature in existence." Bettina ceased speaking, and burst into a +violent storm of tears, sobs, and groans. I was deeply moved, +although I felt that all she had said might be true, and yet was +scarcely worthy of belief: + + 'Forse era ver, ma non pero credibile + A chi del senso suo fosse signor.' + +But she was weeping, and her tears, which at all events were not +deceptive, took away from me the faculty of doubt. Yet I put her +tears to the account of her wounded self-love; to give way entirely I +needed a thorough conviction, and to obtain it evidence was +necessary, probability was not enough. I could not admit either +Cordiani's moderation or Bettina's patience, or the fact of seven +hours employed in innocent conversation. In spite of all these +considerations, I felt a sort of pleasure in accepting for ready cash +all the counterfeit coins that she had spread out before me. + +After drying her tears, Bettina fixed her beautiful eyes upon mine, +thinking that she could discern in them evident signs of her victory; +but I surprised her much by alluding to one point which, with all her +cunning, she had neglected to mention in her defence. Rhetoric makes +use of nature's secrets in the same way as painters who try to +imitate it: their most beautiful work is false. This young girl, +whose mind had not been refined by study, aimed at being considered +innocent and artless, and she did her best to succeed, but I had seen +too good a specimen of her cleverness. + +"Well, my dear Bettina," I said, "your story has affected me; but how +do you think I am going to accept your convulsions as natural, and to +believe in the demoniac symptoms which came on so seasonably during +the exorcisms, although you very properly expressed your doubts on +the matter?" + +Hearing this, Bettina stared at me, remaining silent for a few +minutes, then casting her eyes down she gave way to fresh tears, +exclaiming now and then: "Poor me! oh, poor me!" This situation, +however, becoming most painful to me, I asked what I could do for +her. She answered in a sad tone that if my heart did not suggest to +me what to do, she did not herself see what she could demand of me. + +"I thought," said she, "that I would reconquer my lost influence over +your heart, but, I see it too plainly, you no longer feel an interest +in me. Go on treating me harshly; go on taking for mere fictions +sufferings which are but too real, which you have caused, and which +you will now increase. Some day, but too late, you will be sorry, +and your repentance will be bitter indeed." + +As she pronounced these words she rose to take her leave; but judging +her capable of anything I felt afraid, and I detained her to say that +the only way to regain my affection was to remain one month without +convulsions and without handsome Father Mancia's presence being +required. + +"I cannot help being convulsed," she answered, "but what do you mean +by applying to the Jacobin that epithet of handsome? Could you +suppose--?" + +"Not at all, not at all--I suppose nothing; to do so would be +necessary for me to be jealous. But I cannot help saying that the +preference given by your devils to the exorcism of that handsome monk +over the incantations of the ugly Capuchin is likely to give birth to +remarks rather detrimental to your honour. Moreover, you are free to +do whatever pleases you." + +Thereupon she left my room, and a few minutes later everybody came +home. + +After supper the servant, without any question on my part, informed +me that Bettina had gone to bed with violent feverish chills, having +previously had her bed carried into the kitchen beside her mother's. +This attack of fever might be real, but I had my doubts. I felt +certain that she would never make up her mind to be well, for her +good health would have supplied me with too strong an argument +against her pretended innocence, even in the case of Cordiani; I +likewise considered her idea of having her bed placed near her +mother's nothing but artful contrivance. + +The next day Doctor Olivo found her very feverish, and told her +brother that she would most likely be excited and delirious, but that +it would be the effect of the fever and not the work of the devil. +And truly, Bettina was raving all day, but Dr. Gozzi, placing +implicit confidence in the physician, would not listen to his mother, +and did not send for the Jacobin friar. The fever increased in +violence, and on the fourth day the small-pox broke out. Cordiani +and the two brothers Feitrini, who had so far escaped that disease, +were immediately sent away, but as I had had it before I remained at +home. + +The poor girl was so fearfully covered with the loathsome eruption, +that on the sixth day her skin could not be seen on any part of her +body. Her eyes closed, and her life was despaired of, when it was +found that her mouth and throat were obstructed to such a degree that +she could swallow nothing but a few drops of honey. She was +perfectly motionless; she breathed and that was all. Her mother +never left her bedside, and I was thought a saint when I carried my +table and my books into the patient's room. The unfortunate girl had +become a fearful sight to look upon; her head was dreadfully swollen, +the nose could no longer be seen, and much fear was entertained for +her eyes, in case her life should be spared. The odour of her +perspiration was most offensive, but I persisted in keeping my watch +by her. + +On the ninth day, the vicar gave her absolution, and after +administering extreme unction, he left her, as he said, in the hands +of God. In the midst of so much sadness, the conversation of the +mother with her son, would, in spite of myself, cause me some amount +of merriment. The good woman wanted to know whether the demon who +was dwelling in her child could still influence her to perform +extravagant follies, and what would become of the demon in the case +of her daughter's death, for, as she expressed it, she could not +think of his being so stupid as to remain in so loathsome a body. +She particularly wanted to ascertain whether the demon had power to +carry off the soul of her child. Doctor Gozzi, who was an +ubiquitarian, made to all those questions answers which had not even +the shadow of good sense, and which of course had no other effect +than to increase a hundred-fold the perplexity of his poor mother. + +During the tenth and eleventh days, Bettina was so bad that we +thought every moment likely to be her last. The disease had reached +its worst period; the smell was unbearable; I alone would not leave +her, so sorely did I pity her. The heart of man is indeed an +unfathomable abyss, for, however incredible it may appear, it was +while in that fearful state that Bettina inspired me with the +fondness which I showed her after her recovery. + +On the thirteenth day the fever abated, but the patient began to +experience great irritation, owing to a dreadful itching, which no +remedy could have allayed as effectually as these powerful words +which I kept constantly pouring into her ear: "Bettina, you are +getting better; but if you dare to scratch yourself, you will become +such a fright that nobody will ever love you." All the physicians in +the universe might be challenged to prescribe a more potent remedy +against itching for a girl who, aware that she has been pretty, finds +herself exposed to the loss of her beauty through her own fault, if +she scratches herself. + +At last her fine eyes opened again to the light of heaven; she was +moved to her own room, but she had to keep her bed until Easter. She +inoculated me with a few pocks, three of which have left upon my face +everlasting marks; but in her eyes they gave me credit for great +devotedness, for they were a proof of my constant care, and she felt +that I indeed deserved her whole love. And she truly loved me, and I +returned her love, although I never plucked a flower which fate and +prejudice kept in store for a husband. But what a contemptible +husband! + +Two years later she married a shoemaker, by name Pigozzo--a base, +arrant knave who beggared and ill-treated her to such an extent that +her brother had to take her home and to provide for her. Fifteen +years afterwards, having been appointed arch-priest at Saint-George +de la Vallee, he took her there with him, and when I went to pay him +a visit eighteen years ago, I found Bettina old, ill, and dying. She +breathed her last in my arms in 1776, twenty-four hours after my +arrival. I will speak of her death in good time. + +About that period, my mother returned from St. Petersburg, where the +Empress Anne Iwanowa had not approved of the Italian comedy. The +whole of the troop had already returned to Italy, and my mother had +travelled with Carlin Bertinazzi, the harlequin, who died in Paris in +the year 1783. As soon as she had reached Padua, she informed Doctor +Gozzi of her arrival, and he lost no time in accompanying me to the +inn where she had put up. We dined with her, and before bidding us +adieu, she presented the doctor with a splendid fur, and gave me the +skin of a lynx for Bettina. Six months afterwards she summoned me to +Venice, as she wished to see me before leaving for Dresden, where she +had contracted an engagement for life in the service of the Elector +of Saxony, Augustus III., King of Poland. She took with her my +brother Jean, then eight years old, who was weeping bitterly when he +left; I thought him very foolish, for there was nothing very tragic +in that departure. He is the only one in the family who was wholly +indebted to our mother for his fortune, although he was not her +favourite child. + +I spent another year in Padua, studying law in which I took the +degree of Doctor in my sixteenth year, the subject of my thesis being +in the civil law, 'de testamentis', and in the canon law, 'utrum +Hebraei possint construere novas synagogas'. + +My vocation was to study medicine, and to practice it, for I felt a +great inclination for that profession, but no heed was given to my +wishes, and I was compelled to apply myself to the study of the law, +for which I had an invincible repugnance. My friends were of opinion +that I could not make my fortune in any profession but that of an +advocate, and, what is still worse, of an ecclesiastical advocate. +If they had given the matter proper consideration, they would have +given me leave to follow my own inclinations, and I would have been a +physician--a profession in which quackery is of still greater avail +than in the legal business. I never became either a physician or an +advocate, and I never would apply to a lawyer, when I had any legal +business, nor call in a physician when I happened to be ill. +Lawsuits and pettifoggery may support a good many families, but a +greater proportion is ruined by them, and those who perish in the +hands, of physicians are more numerous by far than those who get +cured strong evidence in my opinion, that mankind would be much less +miserable without either lawyers or doctors. + +To attend the lectures of the professors, I had to go to the +university called the Bo, and it became necessary for me to go out +alone. This was a matter of great wonder to me, for until then I had +never considered myself a free man; and in my wish to enjoy fully the +liberty I thought I had just conquered, it was not long before I had +made the very worst acquaintances amongst the most renowned students. +As a matter of course, the most renowned were the most worthless, +dissolute fellows, gamblers, frequenters of disorderly houses, hard +drinkers, debauchees, tormentors and suborners of honest girls, +liars, and wholly incapable of any good or virtuous feeling. In the +company of such men did I begin my apprenticeship of the world, +learning my lesson from the book of experience. + +The theory of morals and its usefulness through the life of man can +be compared to the advantage derived by running over the index of a +book before reading it when we have perused that index we know +nothing but the subject of the work. This is like the school for +morals offered by the sermons, the precepts, and the tales which our +instructors recite for our especial benefit. We lend our whole +attention to those lessons, but when an opportunity offers of +profiting by the advice thus bestowed upon us, we feel inclined to +ascertain for ourselves whether the result will turn out as +predicted; we give way to that very natural inclination, and +punishment speedily follows with concomitant repentance. Our only +consolation lies in the fact that in such moments we are conscious of +our own knowledge, and consider ourselves as having earned the right +to instruct others; but those to whom we wish to impart our +experience act exactly as we have acted before them, and, as a matter +of course, the world remains in statu quo, or grows worse and worse. + +When Doctor Gozzi granted me the privilege of going out alone, he +gave me an opportunity for the discovery of several truths which, +until then, were not only unknown to me, but the very existence of +which I had never suspected. On my first appearance, the boldest +scholars got hold of me and sounded my depth. Finding that I was a +thorough freshman, they undertook my education, and with that worthy +purpose in view they allowed me to fall blindly into every trap. +They taught me gambling, won the little I possessed, and then they +made me play upon trust, and put me up to dishonest practices in +order to procure the means of paying my gambling debts; but I +acquired at the same time the sad experience of sorrow! Yet these +hard lessons proved useful, for they taught me to mistrust the +impudent sycophants who openly flatter their dupes, and never to rely +upon the offers made by fawning flatterers. They taught me likewise +how to behave in the company of quarrelsome duellists, the society of +whom ought to be avoided, unless we make up our mind to be constantly +in the very teeth of danger. I was not caught in the snares of +professional lewd women, because not one of them was in my eyes as +pretty as Bettina, but I did not resist so well the desire for that +species of vain glory which is the reward of holding life at a cheap +price. + +In those days the students in Padua enjoyed very great privileges, +which were in reality abuses made legal through prescription, the +primitive characteristic of privileges, which differ essentially from +prerogatives. In fact, in order to maintain the legality of their +privileges, the students often committed crimes. The guilty were +dealt with tenderly, because the interest of the city demanded that +severity should not diminish the great influx of scholars who flocked +to that renowned university from every part of Europe. The practice +of the Venetian government was to secure at a high salary the most +celebrated professors, and to grant the utmost freedom to the young +men attending their lessons. The students acknowledged no authority +but that of a chief, chosen among themselves, and called syndic. He +was usually a foreign nobleman, who could keep a large establishment, +and who was responsible to the government for the behaviour of the +scholars. It was his duty to give them up to justice when they +transgressed the laws, and the students never disputed his sentence, +because he always defended them to the utmost, when they had the +slightest shadow of right on their side. + +The students, amongst other privileges, would not suffer their trunks +to be searched by customhouse authorities, and no ordinary policeman +would have dared to arrest one of them. They carried about them +forbidden weapons, seduced helpless girls, and often disturbed the +public peace by their nocturnal broils and impudent practical jokes; +in one word, they were a body of young fellows, whom nothing could +restrain, who would gratify every whim, and enjoy their sport without +regard or consideration for any human being. + +It was about that time that a policeman entered a coffee-room, in +which were seated two students. One of them ordered him out, but the +man taking no notice of it, the student fired a pistol at him, and +missed his aim. The policeman returned the fire, wounded the +aggressor, and ran away. The students immediately mustered together +at the Bo, divided into bands, and went over the city, hunting the +policemen to murder them, and avenge the insult they had received. +In one of the encounters two of the students were killed, and all the +others, assembling in one troop, swore never to lay their arms down +as long as there should be one policeman alive in Padua. The +authorities had to interfere, and the syndic of the students +undertook to put a stop to hostilities provided proper satisfaction +was given, as the police were in the wrong. The man who had shot the +student in the coffee-room was hanged, and peace was restored; but +during the eight days of agitation, as I was anxious not to appear +less brave than my comrades who were patrolling the city, I followed +them in spite of Doctor Gozzi's remonstrances. Armed with a carbine +and a pair of pistols, I ran about the town with the others, in quest +of the enemy, and I recollect how disappointed I was because the +troop to which I belonged did not meet one policeman. When the war +was over, the doctor laughed at me, but Bettina admired my valour. +Unfortunately, I indulged in expenses far above my means, owing to my +unwillingness to seem poorer than my new friends. I sold or pledged +everything I possessed, and I contracted debts which I could not +possibly pay. This state of things caused my first sorrows, and they +are the most poignant sorrows under which a young man can smart. Not +knowing which way to turn, I wrote to my excellent grandmother, +begging her assistance, but instead of sending me some money, she +came to Padua on the 1st of October, 1739, and, after thanking the +doctor and Bettina for all their affectionate care, she bought me +back to Venice. As he took leave of me, the doctor, who was shedding +tears, gave me what he prized most on earth; a relic of some saint, +which perhaps I might have kept to this very day, had not the setting +been of gold. It performed only one miracle, that of being of +service to me in a moment of great need. Whenever I visited Padua, +to complete my study of the law, I stayed at the house of the kind +doctor, but I was always grieved at seeing near Bettina the brute to +whom she was engaged, and who did not appear to me deserving of such +a wife. I have always regretted that a prejudice, of which I soon +got rid, should have made me preserve for that man a flower which I +could have plucked so easily. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +I receive the minor orders from the patriarch of Venice--I get +acquainted with Senator Malipiero, with Therese Imer, with the niece +of the Curate, with Madame Orio, with Nanette and Marton, and with +the Cavamacchia--I become a preacher--my adventure with Lucie at +Pasean A rendezvous on the third story. + + +"He comes from Padua, where he has completed his studies." Such were +the words by which I was everywhere introduced, and which, the moment +they were uttered, called upon me the silent observation of every +young man of my age and condition, the compliments of all fathers, +and the caresses of old women, as well as the kisses of a few who, +although not old, were not sorry to be considered so for the sake of +embracing a young man without impropriety. The curate of Saint- +Samuel, the Abbe Josello, presented me to Monsignor Correre, +Patriarch of Venice, who gave me the tonsure, and who, four months +afterwards, by special favour, admitted me to the four minor orders. +No words could express the joy and the pride of my grandmother. +Excellent masters were given to me to continue my studies, and M. +Baffo chose the Abbe Schiavo to teach me a pure Italian style, +especially poetry, for which I had a decided talent. I was very +comfortably lodged with my brother Francois, who was studying +theatrical architecture. My sister and my youngest brother were +living with our grandam in a house of her own, in which it was her +wish to die, because her husband had there breathed his last. The +house in which I dwelt was the same in which my father had died, and +the rent of which my mother continued to pay. It was large and well +furnished. + +Although Abbe Grimani was my chief protector, I seldom saw him, and I +particularly attached myself to M. de Malipiero, to whom I had been +presented by the Curate Josello. M. de Malipiero was a senator, who +was unwilling at seventy years of age to attend any more to State +affairs, and enjoyed a happy, sumptuous life in his mansion, +surrounded every evening by a well-chosen party of ladies who had all +known how to make the best of their younger days, and of gentlemen +who were always acquainted with the news of the town. He was a +bachelor and wealthy, but, unfortunately, he had three or four times +every year severe attacks of gout, which always left him crippled in +some part or other of his body, so that all his person was disabled. +His head, his lungs, and his stomach had alone escaped this cruel +havoc. He was still a fine man, a great epicure, and a good judge of +wine; his wit was keen, his knowledge of the world extensive, his +eloquence worthy of a son of Venice, and he had that wisdom which +must naturally belong to a senator who for forty years has had the +management of public affairs, and to a man who has bid farewell to +women after having possessed twenty mistresses, and only when he felt +himself compelled to acknowledge that he could no longer be accepted +by any woman. Although almost entirely crippled, he did not appear +to be so when he was seated, when he talked, or when he was at table. +He had only one meal a day, and always took it alone because, being +toothless and unable to eat otherwise than very slowly, he did not +wish to hurry himself out of compliment to his guests, and would have +been sorry to see them waiting for him. This feeling deprived him of +the pleasure he would have enjoyed in entertaining at his board +friendly and agreeable guests, and caused great sorrow to his +excellent cook. + +The first time I had the honour of being introduced to him by the +curate, I opposed earnestly the reason which made him eat his meals +in solitude, and I said that his excellency had only to invite guests +whose appetite was good enough to enable them to eat a double share. + +"But where can I find such table companions?" he asked. + +"It is rather a delicate matter," I answered; "but you must take your +guests on trial, and after they have been found such as you wish them +to be, the only difficulty will be to keep them as your guests +without their being aware of the real cause of your preference, for +no respectable man could acknowledge that he enjoys the honour of +sitting at your excellency's table only because he eats twice as much +as any other man." + +The senator understood the truth of my argument, and asked the curate +to bring me to dinner on the following day. He found my practice +even better than my theory, and I became his daily guest. + +This man, who had given up everything in life except his own self, +fostered an amorous inclination, in spite of his age and of his gout. +He loved a young girl named Therese Imer, the daughter of an actor +residing near his mansion, her bedroom window being opposite to his +own. This young girl, then in her seventeenth year, was pretty, +whimsical, and a regular coquette. She was practising music with a +view to entering the theatrical profession, and by showing herself +constantly at the window she had intoxicated the old senator, and was +playing with him cruelly. She paid him a daily visit, but always +escorted by her mother, a former actress, who had retired from the +stage in order to work out her salvation, and who, as a matter of +course, had made up her mind to combine the interests of heaven with +the works of this world. She took her daughter to mass every day and +compelled her to go to confession every week; but every afternoon she +accompanied her in a visit to the amorous old man, the rage of whom +frightened me when she refused him a kiss under the plea that she had +performed her devotions in the morning, and that she could not +reconcile herself to the idea of offending the God who was still +dwelling in her. + +What a sight for a young man of fifteen like me, whom the old man +admitted as the only and silent witness of these erotic scenes! The +miserable mother applauded her daughter's reserve, and went so far as +to lecture the elderly lover, who, in his turn, dared not refute her +maxims, which savoured either too much or too little of Christianity, +and resisted a very strong inclination to hurl at her head any object +he had at hand. Anger would then take the place of lewd desires, and +after they had retired he would comfort himself by exchanging with me +philosophical considerations. + +Compelled to answer him, and not knowing well what to say, I ventured +one day upon advising a marriage. He struck me with amazement when +he answered that she refused to marry him from fear of drawing upon +herself the hatred of his relatives. + +"Then make her the offer of a large sum of money, or a position." + +"She says that she would not, even for a crown, commit a deadly sin." + +"In that case, you must either take her by storm, or banish her for +ever from your presence." + +"I can do neither one nor the other; physical as well as moral +strength is deficient in me." + +"Kill her, then." + +"That will very likely be the case unless I die first." + +"Indeed I pity your excellency." + +"Do you sometimes visit her?" + +"No, for I might fall in love with her, and I would be miserable." + +"You are right." + +Witnessing many such scenes, and taking part in many similar +conversations, I became an especial favourite with the old nobleman. +I was invited to his evening assemblies which were, as I have stated +before, frequented by superannuated women and witty men. He told me +that in this circle I would learn a science of greater import than +Gassendi's philosophy, which I was then studying by his advice +instead of Aristotle's, which he turned into ridicule. He laid down +some precepts for my conduct in those assemblies, explaining the +necessity of my observing them, as there would be some wonder at a +young man of my age being received at such parties. He ordered me +never to open my lips except to answer direct questions, and +particularly enjoined me never to pass an opinion on any subject, +because at my age I could not be allowed to have any opinions. + +I faithfully followed his precepts, and obeyed his orders so well, +that in a few days I had gained his esteem, and become the child of +the house, as well as the favourite of all the ladies who visited +him. In my character of a young and innocent ecclesiastic, they +would ask me to accompany them in their visits to the convents where +their daughters or their nieces were educated; I was at all hours +received at their houses without even being announced; I was scolded +if a week elapsed without my calling upon them, and when I went to +the apartments reserved for the young ladies, they would run away, +but the moment they saw that the intruder was only I, they would +return at once, and their confidence was very charming to me. + +Before dinner, M. de Malipiero would often inquire from me what +advantages were accruing to me from the welcome I received at the +hands of the respectable ladies I had become acquainted with at his +house, taking care to tell me, before I could have time to answer, +that they were all endowed with the greatest virtue, and that I would +give everybody a bad opinion of myself, if I ever breathed one word +of disparagement to the high reputation they all enjoyed. In this +way he would inculcate in me the wise precept of reserve and +discretion. + +It was at the senator's house that I made the acquaintance of Madame +Manzoni, the wife of a notary public, of whom I shall have to speak +very often. This worthy lady inspired me with the deepest +attachment, and she gave me the wisest advice. Had I followed it, +and profited by it, my life would not have been exposed to so many +storms; it is true that in that case, my life would not be worth +writing. + +All these fine acquaintances amongst women who enjoyed the reputation +of being high-bred ladies, gave me a very natural desire to shine by +my good looks and by the elegance of my dress; but my father +confessor, as well as my grandmother, objected very strongly to this +feeling of vanity. On one occasion, taking me apart, the curate told +me, with honeyed words, that in the profession to which I had devoted +myself my thoughts ought to dwell upon the best means of being +agreeable to God, and not on pleasing the world by my fine +appearance. He condemned my elaborate curls, and the exquisite +perfume of my pomatum. He said that the devil had got hold of me by +the hair, that I would be excommunicated if I continued to take such +care of it, and concluded by quoting for my benefit these words from +an oecumenical council: 'clericus qui nutrit coman, anathema sit'. +I answered him with the names of several fashionable perfumed abbots, +who were not threatened with excommunication, who were not interfered +with, although they wore four times as much powder as I did--for I +only used a slight sprinkling--who perfumed their hair with a certain +amber-scented pomatum which brought women to the very point of +fainting, while mine, a jessamine pomade, called forth the compliment +of every circle in which I was received. I added that I could not, +much to my regret, obey him, and that if I had meant to live in +slovenliness, I would have become a Capuchin and not an abbe. + +My answer made him so angry that, three or four days afterwards, he +contrived to obtain leave from my grandmother to enter my chamber +early in the morning, before I was awake, and, approaching my bed on +tiptoe with a sharp pair of scissors, he cut off unmercifully all my +front hair, from one ear to the other. My brother Francois was in +the adjoining room and saw him, but he did not interfere as he was +delighted at my misfortune. He wore a wig, and was very jealous of +my beautiful head of hair. Francois was envious through the whole of +his life; yet he combined this feeling of envy with friendship; I +never could understand him; but this vice of his, like my own vices, +must by this time have died of old age. + +After his great operation, the abbe left my room quietly, but when I +woke up shortly afterwards, and realized all the horror of this +unheard-of execution, my rage and indignation were indeed wrought to +the highest pitch. + +What wild schemes of revenge my brain engendered while, with a +looking-glass in my hand, I was groaning over the shameful havoc +performed by this audacious priest! At the noise I made my +grandmother hastened to my room, and amidst my brother's laughter the +kind old woman assured me that the priest would never have been +allowed to enter my room if she could have foreseen his intention, +and she managed to soothe my passion to some extent by confessing +that he had over-stepped the limits of his right to administer a +reproof. + +But I was determined upon revenge, and I went on dressing myself and +revolving in my mind the darkest plots. It seemed to me that I was +entitled to the most cruel revenge, without having anything to dread +from the terrors of the law. The theatres being open at that time I +put on a mask to go out, and I, went to the advocate Carrare, with +whom I had become acquainted at the senator's house, to inquire from +him whether I could bring a suit against the priest. He told me +that, but a short time since, a family had been ruined for having +sheared the moustache of a Sclavonian--a crime not nearly so +atrocious as the shearing of all my front locks, and that I had only +to give him my instructions to begin a criminal suit against the +abbe, which would make him tremble. I gave my consent, and begged +that he would tell M. de Malipiero in the evening the reason for +which I could not go to his house, for I did not feel any inclination +to show myself anywhere until my hair had grown again. + +I went home and partook with my brother of a repast which appeared +rather scanty in comparison to the dinners I had with the old +senator. The privation of the delicate and plentiful fare to which +his excellency had accustomed me was most painful, besides all the +enjoyments from which I was excluded through the atrocious conduct of +the virulent priest, who was my godfather. I wept from sheer +vexation; and my rage was increased by the consciousness that there +was in this insult a certain dash of comical fun which threw over me +a ridicule more disgraceful in my estimation than the greatest crime. + +I went to bed early, and, refreshed by ten hours of profound slumber, +I felt in the morning somewhat less angry, but quite as determined to +summon the priest before a court. I dressed myself with the +intention of calling upon my advocate, when I received the visit of a +skilful hair-dresser whom I had seen at Madame Cantarini's house. He +told me that he was sent by M. de Malipiero to arrange my hair so +that I could go out, as the senator wished me to dine with him on +that very day. He examined the damage done to my head, and said, +with a smile, that if I would trust to his art, he would undertake to +send me out with an appearance of even greater elegance than I could +boast of before; and truly, when he had done, I found myself so good- +looking that I considered my thirst for revenge entirely satisfied. + +Having thus forgotten the injury, I called upon the lawyer to tell +him to stay all proceedings, and I hastened to M. de Malipiero's +palace, where, as chance would have it, I met the abbe. +Notwithstanding all my joy, I could not help casting upon him rather +unfriendly looks, but not a word was said about what had taken place. +The senator noticed everything, and the priest took his leave, most +likely with feelings of mortified repentance, for this time I most +verily deserved excommunication by the extreme studied elegance of my +curling hair. + +When my cruel godfather had left us, I did not dissemble with M. de +Malipiero; I candidly told him that I would look out for another +church, and that nothing would induce me to remain under a priest +who, in his wrath, could go the length of such proceedings. The wise +old man agreed with me, and said that I was quite right: it was the +best way to make me do ultimately whatever he liked. In the evening +everyone in our circle, being well aware of what had happened, +complimented me, and assured me that nothing could be handsomer than +my new head-dress. I was delighted, and was still more gratified +when, after a fortnight had elapsed, I found that M. de Malipiero did +not broach the subject of my returning to my godfather's church. My +grandmother alone constantly urged me to return. But this calm was +the harbinger of a storm. When my mind was thoroughly at rest on +that subject, M. de Malipiero threw me into the greatest astonishment +by suddenly telling me that an excellent opportunity offered itself +for me to reappear in the church and to secure ample satisfaction +from the abbe. + +"It is my province," added the senator, "as president of the +Confraternity of the Holy Sacrament, to choose the preacher who is to +deliver the sermon on the fourth Sunday of this month, which happens +to be the second Christmas holiday. I mean to appoint you, and I am +certain that the abbe will not dare to reject my choice. What say +you to such a triumphant reappearance? Does it satisfy you?" + +This offer caused me the greatest surprise, for I had never dreamt of +becoming a preacher, and I had never been vain enough to suppose that +I could write a sermon and deliver it in the church. I told M. de +Malipiero that he must surely be enjoying a joke at my expense, but +he answered that he had spoken in earnest, and he soon contrived to +persuade me and to make me believe that I was born to become the most +renowned preacher of our age as soon as I should have grown fat--a +quality which I certainly could not boast of, for at that time I was +extremely thin. I had not the shadow of a fear as to my voice or to +my elocution, and for the matter of composing my sermon I felt myself +equal to the production of a masterpiece. + +I told M. de Malipiero that I was ready, and anxious to be at home in +order to go to work; that, although no theologian, I was acquainted +with my subject, and would compose a sermon which would take everyone +by surprise on account of its novelty. + +On the following day, when I called upon him, he informed me that the +abbe had expressed unqualified delight at the choice made by him, and +at my readiness in accepting the appointment; but he likewise desired +that I should submit my sermon to him as soon as it was written, +because the subject belonging to the most sublime theology he could +not allow me to enter the pulpit without being satisfied that I would +not utter any heresies. I agreed to this demand, and during the week +I gave birth to my masterpiece. I have now that first sermon in my +possession, and I cannot help saying that, considering my tender +years, I think it a very good one. + +I could not give an idea of my grandmother's joy; she wept tears of +happiness at having a grandson who had become an apostle. She +insisted upon my reading my sermon to her, listened to it with her +beads in her hands, and pronounced it very beautiful. M. de +Malipiero, who had no rosary when I read it to him, was of opinion +that it would not prove acceptable to the parson. My text was from +Horace: 'Ploravere suis non respondere favorem sperdtum meritis'; and +I deplored the wickedness and ingratitude of men, through which had +failed the design adopted by Divine wisdom for the redemption of +humankind. But M. de Malipiero was sorry that I had taken my text +from any heretical poet, although he was pleased that my sermon was +not interlarded with Latin quotations. + +I called upon the priest to read my production; but as he was out I +had to wait for his return, and during that time I fell in love with +his niece, Angela. She was busy upon some tambour work; I sat down +close by her, and telling me that she had long desired to make my +acquaintance, she begged me to relate the history of the locks of +hair sheared by her venerable uncle. + +My love for Angela proved fatal to me, because from it sprang two +other love affairs which, in their turn, gave birth to a great many +others, and caused me finally to renounce the Church as a profession. +But let us proceed quietly, and not encroach upon future events. + +On his return home the abbe found me with his niece, who was about my +age, and he did not appear to be angry. I gave him my sermon: he +read it over, and told me that it was a beautiful academical +dissertation, but unfit for a sermon from the pulpit, and he added, + +"I will give you a sermon written by myself, which I have never +delivered; you will commit it to memory, and I promise to let +everybody suppose that it is of your own composition." + +"I thank you, very reverend father, but I will preach my own sermon, +or none at all." + +"At all events, you shall not preach such a sermon as this in my +church." + +"You can talk the matter over with M. de Malipiero. In the meantime +I will take my work to the censorship, and to His Eminence the +Patriarch, and if it is not accepted I shall have it printed." + +"All very well, young man. The patriarch will coincide with me." + +In the evening I related my discussion with the parson before all the +guests of M. de Malipiero. The reading of my sermon was called for, +and it was praised by all. They lauded me for having with proper +modesty refrained from quoting the holy fathers of the Church, whom +at my age I could not be supposed to have sufficiently studied, and +the ladies particularly admired me because there was no Latin in it +but the Text from Horace, who, although a great libertine himself, +has written very good things. A niece of the patriarch, who was +present that evening, promised to prepare her uncle in my favour, as +I had expressed my intention to appeal to him; but M. de Malipiero +desired me not to take any steps in the matter until I had seen him +on the following day, and I submissively bowed to his wishes. + +When I called at his mansion the next day he sent for the priest, who +soon made his appearance. As he knew well what he had been sent for, +he immediately launched out into a very long discourse, which I did +not interrupt, but the moment he had concluded his list of objections +I told him that there could not be two ways to decide the question; +that the patriarch would either approve or disapprove my sermon. + +"In the first case," I added, "I can pronounce it in your church, and +no responsibility can possibly fall upon your shoulders; in the +second, I must, of course, give way." + +The abbe was struck by my determination and he said, + +"Do not go to the patriarch; I accept your sermon; I only request you +to change your text. Horace was a villain." + +"Why do you quote Seneca, Tertullian, Origen, and Boethius? They +were all heretics, and must, consequently, be considered by you as +worse wretches than Horace, who, after all, never had the chance of +becoming a Christian!" + +However, as I saw it would please M. de Malipiero, I finally +consented to accept, as a substitute for mine, a text offered by the +abbe, although it did not suit in any way the spirit of my +production; and in order to get an opportunity for a visit to his +niece, I gave him my manuscript, saying that I would call for it the +next day. My vanity prompted me to send a copy to Doctor Gozzi, but +the good man caused me much amusement by returning it and writing +that I must have gone mad, and that if I were allowed to deliver such +a sermon from the pulpit I would bring dishonour upon myself as well +as upon the man who had educated me. + +I cared but little for his opinion, and on the appointed day I +delivered my sermon in the Church of the Holy Sacrament in the +presence of the best society of Venice. I received much applause, +and every one predicted that I would certainly become the first +preacher of our century, as no young ecclesiastic of fifteen had ever +been known to preach as well as I had done. It is customary for the +faithful to deposit their offerings for the preacher in a purse which +is handed to them for that purpose. + +The sexton who emptied it of its contents found in it more than fifty +sequins, and several billets-doux, to the great scandal of the weaker +brethren. An anonymous note amongst them, the writer of which I +thought I had guessed, let me into a mistake which I think better not +to relate. This rich harvest, in my great penury, caused me to +entertain serious thoughts of becoming a preacher, and I confided my +intention to the parson, requesting his assistance to carry it into +execution. This gave me the privilege of visiting at his house every +day, and I improved the opportunity of conversing with Angela, for +whom my love was daily increasing. But Angela was virtuous. She did +not object to my love, but she wished me to renounce the Church and +to marry her. In spite of my infatuation for her, I could not make +up my mind to such a step, and I went on seeing her and courting her +in the hope that she would alter her decision. + +The priest, who had at last confessed his admiration for my first +sermon, asked me, some time afterwards, to prepare another for St. +Joseph's Day, with an invitation to deliver it on the 19th of March, +1741. I composed it, and the abbe spoke of it with enthusiasm, but +fate had decided that I should never preach but once in my life. It +is a sad tale, unfortunately for me very true, which some persons are +cruel enough to consider very amusing. + +Young and rather self-conceited, I fancied that it was not necessary +for me to spend much time in committing my sermon to memory. Being +the author, I had all the ideas contained in my work classified in my +mind, and it did not seem to me within the range of possibilities +that I could forget what I had written. Perhaps I might not remember +the exact words of a sentence, but I was at liberty to replace them +by other expressions as good, and as I never happened to be at a +loss, or to be struck dumb, when I spoke in society, it was not +likely that such an untoward accident would befall me before an +audience amongst whom I did not know anyone who could intimidate me +and cause me suddenly to lose the faculty of reason or of speech. I +therefore took my pleasure as usual, being satisfied with reading my +sermon morning and evening, in order to impress it upon my memory +which until then had never betrayed me. + +The 19th of March came, and on that eventful day at four o'clock in +the afternoon I was to ascend the pulpit; but, believing myself quite +secure and thoroughly master of my subject, I had not the moral +courage to deny myself the pleasure of dining with Count Mont-Real, +who was then residing with me, and who had invited the patrician +Barozzi, engaged to be married to his daughter after the Easter +holidays. + +I was still enjoying myself with my fine company, when the sexton of +the church came in to tell me that they were waiting for me in the +vestry. With a full stomach and my head rather heated, I took my +leave, ran to the church, and entered the pulpit. I went through the +exordium with credit to myself, and I took breathing time; but +scarcely had I pronounced the first sentences of the narration, +before I forgot what I was saying, what I had to say, and in my +endeavours to proceed, I fairly wandered from my subject and I lost +myself entirely. I was still more discomforted by a half-repressed +murmur of the audience, as my deficiency appeared evident. Several +persons left the church, others began to smile, I lost all presence +of mind and every hope of getting out of the scrape. + +I could not say whether I feigned a fainting fit, or whether I truly +swooned; all I know is that I fell down on the floor of the pulpit, +striking my head against the wall, with an inward prayer for +annihilation. + +Two of the parish clerks carried me to the vestry, and after a few +moments, without addressing a word to anyone, I took my cloak and my +hat, and went home to lock myself in my room. I immediately dressed +myself in a short coat, after the fashion of travelling priests, I +packed a few things in a trunk, obtained some money from my +grandmother, and took my departure for Padua, where I intended to +pass my third examination. I reached Padua at midnight, and went to +Doctor Gozzi's house, but I did not feel the slightest temptation to +mention to him my unlucky adventure. + +I remained in Padua long enough to prepare myself for the doctor's +degree, which I intended to take the following year, and after Easter +I returned to Venice, where my misfortune was already forgotten; but +preaching was out of the question, and when any attempt was made to +induce me to renew my efforts, I manfully kept to my determination +never to ascend the pulpit again. + +On the eve of Ascension Day M. Manzoni introduced me to a young +courtesan, who was at that time in great repute at Venice, and was +nick-named Cavamacchia, because her father had been a scourer. This +named vexed her a great deal, she wished to be called Preati, which +was her family name, but it was all in vain, and the only concession +her friends would make was to call her by her Christian name of +Juliette. She had been introduced to fashionable notice by the +Marquis de Sanvitali, a nobleman from Parma, who had given her one +hundred thousand ducats for her favours. Her beauty was then the +talk of everybody in Venice, and it was fashionable to call upon her. +To converse with her, and especially to be admitted into her circle, +was considered a great boon. + +As I shall have to mention her several times in the course of my +history, my readers will, I trust, allow me to enter into some +particulars about her previous life. + +Juliette was only fourteen years of age when her father sent her one +day to the house of a Venetian nobleman, Marco Muazzo, with a coat +which he had cleaned for him. He thought her very beautiful in spite +of the dirty rags in which she was dressed, and he called to see her +at her father's shop, with a friend of his, the celebrated advocate, +Bastien Uccelli, who; struck by the romantic and cheerful nature of +Juliette still more than by her beauty and fine figure, gave her an +apartment, made her study music, and kept her as his mistress. At +the time of the fair, Bastien took her with him to various public +places of resort; everywhere she attracted general attention, and +secured the admiration of every lover of the sex. She made rapid +progress in music, and at the end of six months she felt sufficient +confidence in herself to sign an engagement with a theatrical manager +who took her to Vienna to give her a 'castrato' part in one of +Metastasio's operas. + +The advocate had previously ceded her to a wealthy Jew who, after +giving her splendid diamonds, left her also. + +In Vienna, Juliette appeared on the stage, and her beauty gained for +her an admiration which she would never have conquered by her very +inferior talent. But the constant crowd of adorers who went to +worship the goddess, having sounded her exploits rather too loudly, +the august Maria-Theresa objected to this new creed being sanctioned +in her capital, and the beautfiul actress received an order to quit +Vienna forthwith. + +Count Spada offered her his protection, and brought her back to +Venice, but she soon left for Padua where she had an engagement. In +that city she kindled the fire of love in the breast of Marquis +Sanvitali, but the marchioness having caught her once in her own box, +and Juliette having acted disrespectfully to her, she slapped her +face, and the affair having caused a good deal of noise, Juliette +gave up the stage altogether. She came back to Venice, where, made +conspicuous by her banishment from Vienna, she could not fail to make +her fortune. Expulsion from Vienna, for this class of women, had +become a title to fashionable favour, and when there was a wish to +depreciate a singer or a dancer, it was said of her that she had not +been sufficiently prized to be expelled from Vienna. + +After her return, her first lover was Steffano Querini de Papozzes, +but in the spring of 1740, the Marquis de Sanvitali came to Venice +and soon carried her off. It was indeed difficult to resist this +delightful marquis! His first present to the fair lady was a sum of +one hundred thousand ducats, and, to prevent his being accused of +weakness or of lavish prodigality, he loudly proclaimed that the +present could scarcely make up for the insult Juliette had received +from his wife--an insult, however, which the courtesan never +admitted, as she felt that there would be humiliation in such an +acknowledgment, and she always professed to admire with gratitude her +lover's generosity. She was right; the admission of the blow +received would have left a stain upon her charms, and how much more +to her taste to allow those charms to be prized at such a high +figure! + +It was in the year 1741 that M. Manzoni introduced me to this new +Phryne as a young ecclesiastic who was beginning to make a +reputation. I found her surrounded by seven or eight well-seasoned +admirers, who were burning at her feet the incense of their flattery. +She was carelessly reclining on a sofa near Querini. I was much +struck with her appearance. She eyed me from head to foot, as if I +had been exposed for sale, and telling me, with the air of a +princess, that she was not sorry to make my acquaintance, she invited +me to take a seat. I began then, in my turn, to examine her closely +and deliberately, and it was an easy matter, as the room, although +small, was lighted with at least twenty wax candles. + +Juliette was then in her eighteenth year; the freshness of her +complexion was dazzling, but the carnation tint of her cheeks, the +vermilion of her lips, and the dark, very narrow curve of her +eyebrows, impressed me as being produced by art rather than nature. +Her teeth--two rows of magnificent pearls--made one overlook the fact +that her mouth was somewhat too large, and whether from habit, or +because she could not help it, she seemed to be ever smiling. Her +bosom, hid under a light gauze, invited the desires of love; yet I +did not surrender to her charms. Her bracelets and the rings which +covered her fingers did not prevent me from noticing that her hand +was too large and too fleshy, and in spite of her carefully hiding +her feet, I judged, by a telltale slipper lying close by her dress, +that they were well proportioned to the height of her figure--a +proportion which is unpleasant not only to the Chinese and Spaniards, +but likewise to every man of refined taste. We want a tall women to +have a small foot, and certainly it is not a modern taste, for +Holofernes of old was of the same opinion; otherwise he would not +have thought Judith so charming: 'et sandalid ejus rapuerunt oculos +ejus'. Altogether I found her beautiful, but when I compared her +beauty and the price of one hundred thousand ducats paid for it, I +marvelled at my remaining so cold, and at my not being tempted to +give even one sequin for the privilege of making from nature a study +of the charms which her dress concealed from my eyes. + +I had scarcely been there a quarter of an hour when the noise made by +the oars of a gondola striking the water heralded the prodigal +marquis. We all rose from our seats, and M. Querini hastened, +somewhat blushing, to quit his place on the sofa. M. de Sanvitali, +a man of middle age, who had travelled much, took a seat near +Juliette, but not on the sofa, so she was compelled to turn round. +It gave me the opportunity of seeing her full front, while I had +before only a side view of her face. + +After my introduction to Juliette, I paid her four or five visits, +and I thought myself justified, by the care I had given to the +examination of her beauty, in saying in M. de Malipiero's draw-room, +one evening, when my opinion about her was asked, that she could +please only a glutton with depraved tastes; that she had neither the +fascination of simple nature nor any knowledge of society, that she +was deficient in well-bred, easy manners as well as in striking +talents and that those were the qualities which a thorough gentleman +liked to find in a woman. This opinion met the general approbation +of his friends, but M. de Malipiero kindly whispered to me that +Juliette would certainly be informed of the portrait I had drawn of +her, and that she would become my sworn enemy. He had guessed +rightly. + +I thought Juliette very singular, for she seldom spoke to me, and +whenever she looked at me she made use of an eye-glass, or she +contracted her eye-lids, as if she wished to deny me the honour of +seeing her eyes, which were beyond all dispute very beautiful. They +were blue, wondrously large and full, and tinted with that +unfathomable variegated iris which nature only gives to youth, and +which generally disappears, after having worked miracles, when the +owner reaches the shady side of forty. Frederick the Great preserved +it until his death. + +Juliette was informed of the portrait I had given of her to M. de +Malipiero's friends by the indiscreet pensioner, Xavier Cortantini. +One evening I called upon her with M. Manzoni, and she told him that +a wonderful judge of beauty had found flaws in hers, but she took +good care not to specify them. It was not difficult to make out that +she was indirectly firing at me, and I prepared myself for the +ostracism which I was expecting, but which, however, she kept in +abeyance fully for an hour. At last, our conversation falling upon a +concert given a few days before by Imer, the actor, and in which his +daughter, Therese, had taken a brilliant part, Juliette turned round +to me and inquired what M. de Malipiero did for Therese. I said that +he was educating her. "He can well do it," she answered, "for he is +a man of talent; but I should like to know what he can do with you?" + +"Whatever he can." + +"I am told that he thinks you rather stupid." + +As a matter of course, she had the laugh on her side, and I, +confused, uncomfortable and not knowing what to say, took leave after +having cut a very sorry figure, and determined never again to darken +her door. The next day at dinner the account of my adventure caused +much amusement to the old senator. + +Throughout the summer, I carried on a course of Platonic love with my +charming Angela at the house of her teacher of embroidery, but her +extreme reserve excited me, and my love had almost become a torment +to myself. With my ardent nature, I required a mistress like +Bettina, who knew how to satisfy my love without wearing it out. I +still retained some feelings of purity, and I entertained the deepest +veneration for Angela. She was in my eyes the very palladium of +Cecrops. Still very innocent, I felt some disinclination towards +women, and I was simple enough to be jealous of even their husbands. + +Angela would not grant me the slightest favour, yet she was no flirt; +but the fire beginning in me parched and withered me. The pathetic +entreaties which I poured out of my heart had less effect upon her +than upon two young sisters, her companions and friends: had I not +concentrated every look of mine upon the heartless girl, I might have +discovered that her friends excelled her in beauty and in feeling, +but my prejudiced eyes saw no one but Angela. To every outpouring of +my love she answered that she was quite ready to become my wife, and +that such was to be the limit of my wishes; when she condescended to +add that she suffered as much as I did myself, she thought she had +bestowed upon me the greatest of favours. + +Such was the state of my mind, when, in the first days of autumn, I +received a letter from the Countess de Mont-Real with an invitation +to spend some time at her beautiful estate at Pasean. She expected +many guests, and among them her own daughter, who had married a +Venetian nobleman, and who had a great reputation for wit and beauty, +although she had but one eye; but it was so beautiful that it made up +for the loss of the other. I accepted the invitation, and Pasean +offering me a constant round of pleasures, it was easy enough for me +to enjoy myself, and to forget for the time the rigours of the cruel +Angela. + +I was given a pretty room on the ground floor, opening upon the +gardens of Pasean, and I enjoyed its comforts without caring to know +who my neighbours were. + +The morning after my arrival, at the very moment I awoke, my eyes +were delighted with the sight of the charming creature who brought me +my coffee. She was a very young girl, but as well formed as a young +person of seventeen; yet she had scarcely completed her fourteenth +year. The snow of her complexion, her hair as dark as the raven's +wing, her black eyes beaming with fire and innocence, her dress +composed only of a chemise and a short petticoat which exposed a +well-turned leg and the prettiest tiny foot, every detail I gathered +in one instant presented to my looks the most original and the most +perfect beauty I had ever beheld. I looked at her with the greatest +pleasure, and her eyes rested upon me as if we had been old +acquaintances. + +"How did you find your bed?" she asked. + +"Very comfortable; I am sure you made it. Pray, who are you?" + +"I am Lucie, the daughter of the gate-keeper: I have neither brothers +nor sisters, and I am fourteen years old. I am very glad you have no +servant with you; I will be your little maid, and I am sure you will +be pleased with me." + +Delighted at this beginning, I sat up in my bed and she helped me to +put on my dressing-gown, saying a hundred things which I did not +understand. I began to drink my coffee, quite amazed at her easy +freedom, and struck with her beauty, to which it would have been +impossible to remain indifferent. She had seated herself on my bed, +giving no other apology for that liberty than the most delightful +smile. + +I was still sipping my coffee, when Lucie's parents came into my +room. She did not move from her place on the bed, but she looked at +them, appearing very proud of such a seat. The good people kindly +scolded her, begged my forgiveness in her favour, and Lucie left the +room to attend to her other duties. The moment she had gone her +father and mother began to praise their daughter. + +"She is," they said, "our only child, our darling pet, the hope of +our old age. She loves and obeys us, and fears God; she is as clean +as a new pin, and has but one fault." + +"What is that?" + +"She is too young." + +"That is a charming fault which time will mend" + +I was not long in ascertaining that they were living specimens of +honesty, of truth, of homely virtues, and of real happiness. I was +delighted at this discovery, when Lucie returned as gay as a lark, +prettily dressed, her hair done in a peculiar way of her own, and +with well-fitting shoes. She dropped a simple courtesy before me, +gave a couple of hearty kisses to both her parents, and jumped on her +father knees. I asked her to come and sit on my bed, but she +answered that she could not take such a liberty now that she was +dressed, The simplicity, artlessness, and innocence of the answer +seemed to me very enchanting, and brought a smile on my lips. I +examined her to see whether she was prettier in her new dress or in +the morning's negligee, and I decided in favour of the latter. To +speak the truth, Lucie was, I thought, superior in everything, not +only to Angela, but even to Bettina. + +The hair-dresser made his appearance, and the honest family left my +room. When I was dressed I went to meet the countess and her amiable +daughter. The day passed off very pleasantly, as is generally the +case in the country, when you are amongst agreeable people. + +In the morning, the moment my eyes were opened, + +I rang the bell, and pretty Lucie came in, simple and natural as +before, with her easy manners and wonderful remarks. Her candour, +her innocence shone brilliantly all over her person. I could not +conceive how, with her goodness, her virtue and her intelligence, she +could run the risk of exciting me by coming into my room alone, and +with so much familiarity. I fancied that she would not attach much +importance to certain slight liberties, and would not prove over- +scrupulous, and with that idea I made up my mind to shew her that I +fully understood her. I felt no remorse of conscience on the score +of her parents, who, in my estimation, were as careless as herself; +I had no dread of being the first to give the alarm to her innocence, +or to enlighten her mind with the gloomy light of malice, but, +unwilling either to be the dupe of feeling or to act against it, I +resolved to reconnoitre the ground. I extend a daring hand towards +her person, and by an involuntary movement she withdraws, blushes, +her cheerfulness disappears, and, turning her head aside as if she +were in search of something, she waits until her agitation has +subsided. The whole affair had not lasted one minute. She came +back, abashed at the idea that she had proved herself rather knowing, +and at the dread of having perhaps given a wrong interpretation to an +action which might have been, on my part, perfectly innocent, or the +result of politeness. Her natural laugh soon returned, and, having +rapidly read in her mind all I have just described, I lost no time in +restoring her confidence, and, judging that I would venture too much +by active operations, I resolved to employ the following morning in a +friendly chat during which I could make her out better. + +In pursuance of that plan, the next morning, as we were talking, I +told her that it was cold, but that she would not feel it if she +would lie down near me. + +"Shall I disturb you?" she said. + +"No; but I am thinking that if your mother happened to come in, she +would be angry." + +"Mother would not think of any harm." + +"Come, then. But Lucie, do you know what danger you are exposing +yourself to?" + +"Certainly I do; but you are good, and, what is more, you are a +priest." + +"Come; only lock the door." + +"No, no, for people might think.... I do not know what." She laid +down close by me, and kept on her chatting, although I did not +understand a word of what she said, for in that singular position, +and unwilling to give way to my ardent desires, I remained as still +as a log. + +Her confidence in her safety, confidence which was certainly not +feigned, worked upon my feelings to such an extent that I would have +been ashamed to take any advantage of it. At last she told me that +nine o'clock had struck, and that if old Count Antonio found us as we +were, he would tease her with his jokes. "When I see that man," she +said, "I am afraid and I run away." Saying these words, she rose from +the bed and left the room. + +I remained motionless for a long while, stupefied, benumbed, and +mastered by the agitation of my excited senses as well as by my +thoughts. The next morning, as I wished to keep calm, I only let her +sit down on my bed, and the conversation I had with her proved +without the shadow of a doubt that her parents had every reason to +idolize her, and that the easy freedom of her mind as well as of her +behaviour with me was entirely owing to her innocence and to her +purity. Her artlessness, her vivacity, her eager curiosity, and the +bashful blushes which spread over her face whenever her innocent or +jesting remarks caused me to laugh, everything, in fact, convinced me +that she was an angel destined to become the victim of the first +libertine who would undertake to seduce her. I felt sufficient +control over my own feelings to resist any attempt against her virtue +which my conscience might afterwards reproach me with. The mere +thought of taking advantage of her innocence made me shudder, and my +self-esteem was a guarantee to her parents, who abandoned her to me +on the strength of the good opinion they entertained of me, that +Lucie's honour was safe in my hands. I thought I would have despised +myself if I had betrayed the trust they reposed in me. I therefore +determined to conquer my feelings, and, with perfect confidence in +the victory, I made up my mind to wage war against myself, and to be +satisfied with her presence as the only reward of my heroic efforts. +I was not yet acquainted with the axiom that "as long as the fighting +lasts, victory remains uncertain." + +As I enjoyed her conversation much, a natural instinct prompted me to +tell her that she would afford me great pleasure if she could come +earlier in the morning, and even wake me up if I happened to be +asleep, adding, in order to give more weight to my request, that the +less I slept the better I felt in health. In this manner I contrived +to spend three hours instead of two in her society, although this +cunning contrivance of mine did not prevent the hours flying, at +least in my opinion, as swift as lightning. + +Her mother would often come in as we were talking, and when the good +woman found her sitting on my bed she would say nothing, only +wondering at my kindness. Lucie would then cover her with kisses, +and the kind old soul would entreat me to give her child lessons of +goodness, and to cultivate her mind; but when she had left us Lucie +did not think herself more unrestrained, and whether in or out of her +mother's presence, she was always the same without the slightest +change. + +If the society of this angelic child afforded me the sweetest +delight, it also caused me the most cruel suffering. Often, very +often, when her face was close to my lips, I felt the most ardent +temptation to smother her with kisses, and my blood was at fever heat +when she wished that she had been a sister of mine. But I kept +sufficient command over myself to avoid the slightest contact, for I +was conscious that even one kiss would have been the spark which +would have blown up all the edifice of my reserve. Every time she +left me I remained astounded at my own victory, but, always eager to +win fresh laurels, I longed for the following morning, panting for a +renewal of this sweet yet very dangerous contest. + +At the end of ten or twelve days, I felt that there was no +alternative but to put a stop to this state of things, or to become a +monster in my own eyes; and I decided for the moral side of the +question all the more easily that nothing insured me success, if I +chose the second alternative. The moment I placed her under the +obligation to defend herself Lucie would become a heroine, and the +door of my room being open, I might have been exposed to shame and to +a very useless repentance. This rather frightened me. Yet, to put +an end to my torture, I did not know what to decide. I could no +longer resist the effect made upon my senses by this beautiful girl, +who, at the break of day and scarcely dressed, ran gaily into my +room, came to my bed enquiring how I had slept, bent familiarly her +head towards me, and, so to speak, dropped her words on my lips. In +those dangerous moments I would turn my head aside; but in her +innocence she would reproach me for being afraid when she felt +herself so safe, and if I answered that I could not possibly fear a +child, she would reply that a difference of two years was of no +account. + +Standing at bay, exhausted, conscious that every instant increased +the ardour which was devouring me, I resolved to entreat from herself +the discontinuance of her visits, and this resolution appeared to me +sublime and infallible; but having postponed its execution until the +following morning, I passed a dreadful night, tortured by the image +of Lucie, and by the idea that I would see her in the morning for the +last time. I fancied that Lucie would not only grant my prayer, but +that she would conceive for me the highest esteem. In the morning, +it was barely day-light, Lucie beaming, radiant with beauty, a happy +smile brightening her pretty mouth, and her splendid hair in the most +fascinating disorder, bursts into my room, and rushes with open arms +towards my bed; but when she sees my pale, dejected, and unhappy +countenance, she stops short, and her beautiful face taking an +expression of sadness and anxiety: + +"What ails you?" she asks, with deep sympathy. + +"I have had no sleep through the night:" + +"And why?" + +"Because I have made up my mind to impart to you a project which, +although fraught with misery to myself, will at least secure me your +esteem." + +"But if your project is to insure my esteem it ought to make you very +cheerful. Only tell me, reverend sir, why, after calling me 'thou' +yesterday, you treat me today respectfully, like a lady? What have I +done? I will get your coffee, and you must tell me everything after +you have drunk it; I long to hear you" + +She goes and returns, I drink the coffee, and seeing that my +countenance remains grave she tries to enliven me, contrives to make +me smile, and claps her hands for joy. After putting everything in +order, she closes the door because the wind is high, and in her +anxiety not to lose one word of what I have to say, she entreats +artlessly a little place near me. I cannot refuse her, for I feel +almost lifeless. + +I then begin a faithful recital of the fearful state in which her +beauty has thrown me, and a vivid picture of all the suffering I have +experienced in trying to master my ardent wish to give her some proof +of my love; I explain to her that, unable to endure such torture any +longer, I see no other safety but in entreating her not to see me any +more. The importance of the subject, the truth of my love, my wish +to present my expedient in the light of the heroic effort of a deep +and virtuous passion, lend me a peculiar eloquence. I endeavour +above all to make her realize the fearful consequences which might +follow a course different to the one I was proposing, and how +miserable we might be. + +At the close of my long discourse Lucie, seeing my eyes wet with +tears, throws off the bed-clothes to wipe them, without thinking that +in so doing she uncovers two globes, the beauty of which might have +caused the wreck of the most experienced pilot. After a short +silence, the charming child tells me that my tears make her very +unhappy, and that she had never supposed that she could cause them. + +"All you have just told me," she added, "proves the sincerity of your +great love for me, but I cannot imagine why you should be in such +dread of a feeling which affords me the most intense pleasure. You +wish to banish me from your presence because you stand in fear of +your love, but what would you do if you hated me? Am I guilty +because I have pleased you? If it is a crime to have won your +affection, I can assure you that I did not think I was committing a +criminal action, and therefore you cannot conscientiously punish me. +Yet I cannot conceal the truth; I am very happy to be loved by you. +As for the danger we run, when we love, danger which I can +understand, we can set it at defiance, if we choose, and I wonder at +my not fearing it, ignorant as I am, while you, a learned man, think +it so terrible. I am astonished that love, which is not a disease, +should have made you ill, and that it should have exactly the +opposite effect upon me. Is it possible that I am mistaken, and that +my feeling towards you should not be love? You saw me very cheerful +when I came in this morning; it is because I have been dreaming all +night, but my dreams did not keep me awake; only several times I woke +up to ascertain whether my dream was true, for I thought I was near +you; and every time, finding that it was not so, I quickly went to +sleep again in the hope of continuing my happy dream, and every time +I succeeded. After such a night, was it not natural for me to be +cheerful this morning? My dear abbe, if love is a torment for you I +am very sorry, but would it be possible for you to live without love? +I will do anything you order me to do, but, even if your cure +depended upon it, I would not cease to love you, for that would be +impossible. Yet if to heal your sufferings it should be necessary +for you to love me no more, you must do your utmost to succeed, for I +would much rather see you alive without love, than dead for having +loved too much. Only try to find some other plan, for the one you +have proposed makes me very miserable. Think of it, there may be +some other way which will be less painful. Suggest one more +practicable, and depend upon Lucie's obedience." + +These words, so true, so artless, so innocent, made me realize the +immense superiority of nature's eloquence over that of philosophical +intellect. For the first time I folded this angelic being in my +arms, exclaiming, "Yes, dearest Lucie, yes, thou hast it in thy power +to afford the sweetest relief to my devouring pain; abandon to my +ardent kisses thy divine lips which have just assured me of thy +love." + +An hour passed in the most delightful silence, which nothing +interrupted except these words murmured now and then by Lucie, "Oh, +God! is it true? is it not a dream?" Yet I respected her innocence, +and the more readily that she abandoned herself entirely and without +the slightest resistance. At last, extricating herself gently from +my arms, she said, with some uneasiness, "My heart begins to speak, I +must go;" and she instantly rose. Having somewhat rearranged her +dress she sat down, and her mother, coming in at that moment, +complimented me upon my good looks and my bright countenance, and +told Lucie to dress herself to attend mass. Lucie came back an hour +later, and expressed her joy and her pride at the wonderful cure she +thought she had performed upon me, for the healthy appearance I was +then shewing convinced her of my love much better than the pitiful +state in which she had found me in the morning. "If your complete +happiness," she said, "rests in my power, be happy; there is nothing +that I can refuse you." + +The moment she left me, still wavering between happiness and fear, I +understood that I was standing on the very brink of the abyss, and +that nothing but a most extraordinary determination could prevent me +from falling headlong into it. + +I remained at Pasean until the end of September, and the last eleven +nights of my stay were passed in the undisturbed possession of Lucie, +who, secure in her mother's profound sleep, came to my room to enjoy +in my arms the most delicious hours. The burning ardour of my love +was increased by the abstinence to which I condemned myself, although +Lucie did everything in her power to make me break through my +determination. She could not fully enjoy the sweetness of the +forbidden fruit unless I plucked it without reserve, and the effect +produced by our constantly lying in each other's arms was too strong +for a young girl to resist. She tried everything she could to +deceive me, and to make me believe that I had already, and in +reality, gathered the whole flower, but Bettina's lessons had been +too efficient to allow me to go on a wrong scent, and I reached the +end of my stay without yielding entirely to the temptation she so +fondly threw in my way. I promised her to return in the spring; our +farewell was tender and very sad, and I left her in a state of mind +and of body which must have been the cause of her misfortunes, which, +twenty years after, I had occasion to reproach myself with in +Holland, and which will ever remain upon my conscience. + +A few days after my return to Venice, I had fallen back into all my +old habits, and resumed my courtship of Angela in the hope that I +would obtain from her, at least, as much as Lucie had granted to me. +A certain dread which to-day I can no longer trace in my nature, a +sort of terror of the consequences which might have a blighting +influence upon my future, prevented me from giving myself up to +complete enjoyment. I do not know whether I have ever been a truly +honest man, but I am fully aware that the feelings I fostered in my +youth were by far more upright than those I have, as I lived on, +forced myself to accept. A wicked philosophy throws down too many of +these barriers which we call prejudices. + +The two sisters who were sharing Angela's embroidery lessons were her +intimate friends and the confidantes of all her secrets. I made +their acquaintance, and found that they disapproved of her extreme +reserve towards me. As I usually saw them with Angela and knew their +intimacy with her, I would, when I happened to meet them alone, tell +them all my sorrows, and, thinking only of my cruel sweetheart, I +never was conceited enough to propose that these young girls might +fall in love with me; but I often ventured to speak to them with all +the blazing inspiration which was burning in me--a liberty I would +not have dared to take in the presence of her whom I loved. True +love always begets reserve; we fear to be accused of exaggeration if +we should give utterance to feelings inspired, by passion, and the +modest lover, in his dread of saying too much, very often says too +little. + +The teacher of embroidery, an old bigot, who at first appeared not to +mind the attachment I skewed for Angela, got tired at last of my too +frequent visits, and mentioned them to the abbe, the uncle of my fair +lady. He told me kindly one day that I ought not to call at that +house so often, as my constant visits might be wrongly construed, and +prove detrimental to the reputation of his niece. His words fell +upon me like a thunder-bolt, but I mastered my feelings sufficiently +to leave him without incurring any suspicion, and I promised to +follow his good advice. + +Three or four days afterwards, I paid a visit to the teacher of +embroidery, and, to make her believe that my visit was only intended +for her, I did not stop one instant near the young girls; yet I +contrived to slip in the hand of the eldest of the two sisters a note +enclosing another for my dear Angela, in which I explained why I had +been compelled to discontinue my visits, entreating her to devise +some means by which I could enjoy the happiness of seeing her and of +conversing with her. In my note to Nanette, I only begged her to +give my letter to her friend, adding that I would see them again the +day after the morrow, and that I trusted to her to find an +opportunity for delivering me the answer. She managed it all very +cleverly, and, when I renewed my visit two days afterwards, she gave +me a letter without attracting the attention of anyone. +Nanette's letter enclosed a very short note from Angela, who, +disliking letter-writing, merely advised me to follow, if I could, +the plan proposed by her friend. Here is the copy of the letter +written by Nanette, which I have always kept, as well as all other +letters which I give in these Memoirs: + +"There is nothing in the world, reverend sir, that I would not +readily do for my friend. She visits at our house every holiday, has +supper with us, and sleeps under our roof. I will suggest the best +way for you to make the acquaintance of Madame Orio, our aunt; but, +if you obtain an introduction to her, you must be very careful not to +let her suspect your preference for Angela, for our aunt would +certainly object to her house being made a place of rendezvous to +facilitate your interviews with a stranger to her family. Now for +the plan I propose, and in the execution of which I will give you +every assistance in my power. Madame Orio, although a woman of good +station in life, is not wealthy, and she wishes to have her name +entered on the list of noble widows who receive the bounties bestowed +by the Confraternity of the Holy Sacrament, of which M. de Malipiero +is president. Last Sunday, Angela mentioned that you are in the good +graces of that nobleman, and that the best way to obtain his +patronage would be to ask you to entreat it in her behalf. The +foolish girl added that you were smitten with me, that all your +visits to our mistress of embroidery were made for my special benefit +and for the sake of entertaining me, and that I would find it a very +easy task to interest you in her favour. My aunt answered that, as +you are a priest, there was no fear of any harm, and she told me to +write to you with an invitation to call on her; I refused. The +procurator Rosa, who is a great favourite of my aunt's, was present; +he approved of my refusal, saying that the letter ought to be written +by her and not by me, that it was for my aunt to beg the honour of +your visit on business of real importance, and that, if there was any +truth in the report of your love for me, you would not fail to come. +My aunt, by his advice, has therefore written the letter which you +will find at your house. If you wish to meet Angela, postpone your +visit to us until next Sunday. Should you succeed in obtaining M. +de Malipiero's good will in favour of my aunt, you will become the +pet of the household, but you must forgive me if I appear to treat +you with coolness, for I have said that I do not like you. I would +advise you to make love to my aunt, who is sixty years of age; +M. Rosa will not be jealous, and you will become dear to everyone. +For my part, I will manage for you an opportunity for some private +conversation with Angela, and I will do anything to convince you of +my friendship. Adieu." + +This plan appeared to me very well conceived, and, having the same +evening received Madame Orio's letter, I called upon her on the +following day, Sunday. I was welcomed in a very friendly manner, and +the lady, entreating me to exert in her behalf my influence with M. +de Malipiero, entrusted me with all the papers which I might require +to succeed. I undertook to do my utmost, and I took care to address +only a few words to Angela, but I directed all my gallant attentions +to Nanette, who treated me as coolly as could be. Finally, I won the +friendship of the old procurator Rosa, who, in after years, was of +some service to me. + +I had so much at stake in the success of Madame Orio's petition, that +I thought of nothing else, and knowing all the power of the beautiful +Therese Imer over our amorous senator, who would be but too happy to +please her in anything, I determined to call upon her the next day, +and I went straight to her room without being announced. I found her +alone with the physician Doro, who, feigning to be on a professional +visit, wrote a prescription, felt her pulse, and went off. This Doro +was suspected of being in love with Therese; M. de Malipiero, who was +jealous, had forbidden Therese to receive his visits, and she had +promised to obey him. She knew that I was acquainted with those +circumstances, and my presence was evidently unpleasant to her, for +she had certainly no wish that the old man should hear how she kept +her promise. I thought that no better opportunity could be found of +obtaining from her everything I wished. + +I told her in a few words the object of my visit, and I took care to +add that she could rely upon my discretion, and that I would not for +the world do her any injury. Therese, grateful for this assurance, +answered that she rejoiced at finding an occasion to oblige me, and, +asking me to give her the papers of my protege, she shewed me the +certificates and testimonials of another lady in favour of whom she +had undertaken to speak, and whom, she said, she would sacrifice to +the person in whose behalf I felt interested. She kept her word, for +the very next day she placed in my hands the brevet, signed by his +excellency as president of the confraternity. For the present, and +with the expectation of further favours, Madame Orio's name was put +down to share the bounties which were distributed twice a year. + +Nanette and her sister Marton were the orphan daughters of a sister +of Madame Orio. All the fortune of the good lady consisted in the +house which was her dwelling, the first floor being let, and in a +pension given to her by her brother, member of the council of ten. +She lived alone with her two charming nieces, the eldest sixteen, and +the youngest fifteen years of age. She kept no servant, and only +employed an old woman, who, for one crown a month, fetched water, and +did the rough work. Her only friend was the procurator Rosa; he had, +like her, reached his sixtieth year, and expected to marry her as +soon as he should become a widower. + +The two sisters slept together on the third floor in a large bed, +which was likewise shared by Angela every Sunday. + +As soon as I found myself in possession of the deed for Madame Orio, +I hastened to pay a visit to the mistress of embroidery, in order to +find an opportunity of acquainting Nanette with my success, and in a +short note which I prepared, I informed her that in two days I would +call to give the brevet to Madame Orio, and I begged her earnestly +not to forget her promise to contrive a private interview with my +dear Angela. + +When I arrived, on the appointed day, at Madame Orio's house, +Nanette, who had watched for my coming, dexterously conveyed to my +hand a billet, requesting me to find a moment to read it before +leaving the house. I found Madame Orio, Angela, the old procurator, +and Marton in the room. Longing to read the note, I refused the seat +offered to me, and presenting to Madame Orio the deed she had so long +desired, I asked, as my only reward, the pleasure of kissing her +hand, giving her to understand that I wanted to leave the room +immediately. + +"Oh, my dear abbe!" said the lady, "you shall have a kiss, but not on +my hand, and no one can object to it, as I am thirty years older than +you." + +She might have said forty-five without going much astray. I gave her +two kisses, which evidently satisfied her, for she desired me to +perform the same ceremony with her nieces, but they both ran away, +and Angela alone stood the brunt of my hardihood. After this the +widow asked me to sit down. + +"I cannot, Madame." + +"Why, I beg?" + +"I have--." + +"I understand. Nanette, shew the way." + +"Dear aunt, excuse me." + +"Well, then, Marton." + +"Oh! dear aunt, why do you not insist upon my sister obeying your +orders?" + +"Alas! madame, these young ladies are quite right. Allow me to +retire." + +"No, my dear abbe, my nieces are very foolish; M. Rosa, I am sure, +will kindly." + +The good procurator takes me affectionately by the hand, and leads me +to the third story, where he leaves me. The moment I am alone I open +my letter, and I read the following: + +"My aunt will invite you to supper; do not accept. Go away as soon +as we sit down to table, and Marton will escort you as far as the +street door, but do not leave the house. When the street door is +closed again, everyone thinking you are gone, go upstairs in the dark +as far as the third floor, where you must wait for us. We will come +up the moment M. Rosa has left the house, and our aunt has gone to +bed. Angela will be at liberty to grant you throughout the night a +tete-a-tete which, I trust, will prove a happy one." + +Oh! what joy-what gratitude for the lucky chance which allowed me to +read this letter on the very spot where I was to expect the dear +abject of my love! Certain of finding my way without the slightest +difficulty, I returned to Madame Orio's sitting-room, overwhelmed +with happiness. + + + + + +CHAPTER V + +An Unlucky Night I Fall in Love with the Two Sisters, and Forget +Angela--A Ball at My House--Juliette's Humiliation--My Return to +Pasian--Lucie's Misfortune--A Propitious Storm + + +On my reappearance, Madame Orio told me, with many heart-felt thanks, +that I must for the future consider myself as a privileged and +welcome friend, and the evening passed off very pleasantly. As the +hour for supper drew near, I excused myself so well that Madame Orio +could not insist upon my accepting her invitation to stay. Marton +rose to light me out of the room, but her aunt, believing Nanette to +be my favourite, gave her such an imperative order to accompany me +that she was compelled to obey. She went down the stairs rapidly, +opened and closed the street door very noisily, and putting her light +out, she reentered the sitting room, leaving me in darkness. I went +upstairs softly: when I reached the third landing I found the chamber +of the two sisters, and, throwing myself upon a sofa, I waited +patiently for the rising of the star of my happiness. An hour passed +amidst the sweetest dreams of my imagination; at last I hear the +noise of the street door opening and closing, and, a few minutes +after, the two sisters come in with my Angela. I draw her towards +me, and caring for nobody else, I keep up for two full hours my +conversation with her. The clock strikes midnight; I am pitied for +having gone so late supperless, but I am shocked at such an idea; I +answer that, with such happiness as I am enjoying, I can suffer from +no human want. I am told that I am a prisoner, that the key of the +house door is under the aunt's pillow, and that it is opened only by +herself as she goes in the morning to the first mass. I wonder at my +young friends imagining that such news can be anything but delightful +to me. I express all my joy at the certainty of passing the next +five hours with the beloved mistress of my heart. Another hour is +spent, when suddenly Nanette begins to laugh, Angela wants to know +the reason, and Marton whispering a few words to her, they both laugh +likewise. This puzzles me. In my turn, I want to know what causes +this general laughter, and at last Nanette, putting on an air of +anxiety, tells me that they have no more candle, and that in a few +minutes we shall be in the dark. This is a piece of news +particularly agreeable to me, but I do not let my satisfaction appear +on my countenance, and saying how truly I am sorry for their sake, I +propose that they should go to bed and sleep quietly under my +respectful guardianship. My proposal increases their merriment. + +"What can we do in the dark?" + +"We can talk." + +We were four; for the last three hours we had been talking, and I was +the hero of the romance. Love is a great poet, its resources are +inexhaustible, but if the end it has in view is not obtained, it +feels weary and remains silent. My Angela listened willingly, but +little disposed to talk herself, she seldom answered, and she +displayed good sense rather than wit. To weaken the force of my +arguments, she was often satisfied with hurling at me a proverb, +somewhat in the fashion of the Romans throwing the catapult. Every +time that my poor hands came to the assistance of love, she drew +herself back or repulsed me. Yet, in spite of all, I went on talking +and using my hands without losing courage, but I gave myself up to +despair when I found that my rather artful arguing astounded her +without bringing conviction to her heart, which was only disquieted, +never softened. On the other hand, I could see with astonishment +upon their countenances the impression made upon the two sisters by +the ardent speeches I poured out to Angela. This metaphysical curve +struck me as unnatural, it ought to have been an angle; I was then, +unhappily for myself, studying geometry. I was in such a state that, +notwithstanding the cold, I was perspiring profusely. At last the +light was nearly out, and Nanette took it away. + +The moment we were in the dark, I very naturally extended my arms to +seize her whom I loved; but I only met with empty space, and I could +not help laughing at the rapidity with which Angela had availed +herself of the opportunity of escaping me. For one full hour I +poured out all the tender, cheerful words that love inspired me with, +to persuade her to come back to me; I could only suppose that it was +a joke to tease me. But I became impatient. + +"The joke," I said, "has lasted long enough; it is foolish, as I +could not run after you, and I am surprised to hear you laugh, for +your strange conduct leads me to suppose that you are making fun of +me. Come and take your seat near me, and if I must speak to you +without seeing you let my hands assure me that I am not addressing my +words to the empty air. To continue this game would be an insult to +me, and my love does not deserve such a return." + +"Well, be calm. I will listen to every word you may say, but you +must feel that it would not be decent for me to place myself near you +in this dark room." + +"Do you want me to stand where I am until morning?" + +"Lie down on the bed, and go to sleep." + +"In wonder, indeed, at your thinking me capable of doing so in the +state I am in. Well, I suppose we must play at blind man's buff." + +Thereupon, I began to feel right and left, everywhere, but in vain. +Whenever I caught anyone it always turned out to be Nanette or +Marton, who at once discovered themselves, and I, stupid Don Quixote, +instantly would let them go! Love and prejudice blinded me, I could +not see how ridiculous I was with my respectful reserve. I had not +yet read the anecdotes of Louis XIII, king of France, but I had read +Boccacio. I kept on seeking in vain, reproaching her with her +cruelty, and entreating her to let me catch her; but she would only +answer that the difficulty of meeting each other was mutual. The +room was not large, and I was enraged at my want of success. + +Tired and still more vexed, I sat down, and for the next hour I told +the history of Roger, when Angelica disappears through the power of +the magic ring which the loving knight had so imprudently given her: + + 'Cosi dicendo, intorno a la fortuna + Brancolando n'andava come cieco. + O quante volte abbraccio l'aria vana + Speyando la donzella abbracciar seco'. + +Angela had not read Ariosto, but Nanette had done so several times. +She undertook the defence of Angelica, and blamed the simplicity of +Roger, who, if he had been wise, would never have trusted the ring to +a coquette. I was delighted with Nanette, but I was yet too much of +a novice to apply her remarks to myself. + +Only one more hour remained, and I was to leave before the break of +day, for Madame Orio would have died rather than give way to the +temptation of missing the early mass. During that hour I spoke to +Angela, trying to convince her that she ought to come and sit by me. +My soul went through every gradation of hope and despair, and the +reader cannot possibly realize it unless he has been placed in a +similar position. I exhausted the most convincing arguments; then I +had recourse to prayers, and even to tears; but, seeing all was +useless, I gave way to that feeling of noble indignation which lends +dignity to anger. Had I not been in the dark, I might, I truly +believe, have struck the proud monster, the cruel girl, who had thus +for five hours condemned me to the most distressing suffering. I +poured out all the abuse, all the insulting words that despised love +can suggest to an infuriated mind; I loaded her with the deepest +curses; I swore that my love had entirely turned into hatred, and, as +a finale, I advised her to be careful, as I would kill her the moment +I would set my eyes on her. + +My invectives came to an end with the darkness. At the first break +of day, and as soon as I heard the noise made by the bolt and the key +of the street door, which Madame Orio was opening to let herself out, +that she might seek in the church the repose of which her pious soul +was in need, I got myself ready and looked for my cloak and for my +hat. But how can I ever portray the consternation in which I was +thrown when, casting a sly glance upon the young friends, I found the +three bathed in tears! In my shame and despair I thought of +committing suicide, and sitting down again, I recollected my brutal +speeches, and upbraided myself for having wantonly caused them to +weep. I could not say one word; I felt choking; at last tears came +to my assistance, and I gave way to a fit of crying which relieved +me. Nanette then remarked that her aunt would soon return home; I +dried my eyes, and, not venturing another look at Angela or at her +friends, I ran away without uttering a word, and threw myself on my +bed, where sleep would not visit my troubled mind. + +At noon, M. de Malipiero, noticing the change in my countenance, +enquired what ailed me, and longing to unburden my heart, I told him +all that had happened. The wise old man did not laugh at my sorrow, +but by his sensible advice he managed to console me and to give me +courage. He was in the same predicament with the beautiful Therese. +Yet he could not help giving way to his merriment when at dinner he +saw me, in spite of my grief, eat with increased appetite; I had gone +without my supper the night before; he complimented me upon my happy +constitution. + +I was determined never to visit Madame Orio's house, and on that very +day I held an argument in metaphysics, in which I contended that any +being of whom we had only an abstract idea, could only exist +abstractedly, and I was right; but it was a very easy task to give to +my thesis an irreligious turn, and I was obliged to recant. A few +days afterwards I went to Padua, where I took my degree of doctor +'utroque jure'. + +When I returned to Venice, I received a note from M. Rosa, who +entreated me to call upon Madame Orio; she wished to see me, and, +feeling certain of not meeting Angela, I paid her a visit the same +evening. The two graceful sisters were so kind, so pleasant, that +they scattered to the winds the shame I felt at seeing them after the +fearful night I had passed in their room two months before. The +labours of writing my thesis and passing my examination were of +course sufficient excuses for Madame Orio, who only wanted to +reproach me for having remained so long away from her house. + +As I left, Nanette gave me a letter containing a note from Angela, +the contents of which ran as follows: + +"If you are not afraid of passing another night with me you shall +have no reason to complain of me, for I love you, and I wish to hear +from your own lips whether you would still have loved me if I had +consented to become contemptible in your eyes." + +This is the letter of Nanette, who alone had her wits about her: + +"M. Rosa having undertaken to bring you back to our house, I prepare +these few lines to let you know that Angela is in despair at having +lost you. I confess that the night you spent with us was a cruel +one, but I do not think that you did rightly in giving up your visits +to Madame Orio. If you still feel any love for Angela, I advise you +to take your chances once more. Accept a rendezvous for another +night; she may vindicate herself, and you will be happy. Believe me; +come. Farewell!" + +Those two letters afforded me much gratification, for I had it in my +power to enjoy my revenge by shewing to Angela the coldest contempt. +Therefore, on the following Sunday I went to Madame Orio's house, +having provided myself with a smoked tongue and a couple of bottles +of Cyprus wine; but to my great surprise my cruel mistress was not +there. Nanette told me that she had met her at church in the +morning, and that she would not be able to come before supper-time. +Trusting to that promise I declined Madam Orio's invitation, and +before the family sat down to supper I left the room as I had done on +the former occasion, and slipped upstairs. I longed to represent the +character I had prepared myself for, and feeling assured that Angela, +even if she should prove less cruel, would only grant me +insignificant favours, I despised them in anticipation, and resolved +to be avenged. + +After waiting three quarters of an hour the street door was locked, +and a moment later Nanette and Marton entered the room. + +"Where is Angela?" I enquired. + +"She must have been unable to come, or to send a message. Yet she +knows you are here." + +"She thinks she has made a fool of me; but I suspected she would act +in this way. You know her now. She is trifling with me, and very +likely she is now revelling in her triumph. She has made use of you +to allure me in the snare, and it is all the better for her; had she +come, I meant to have had my turn, and to have laughed at her." + +"Ah! you must allow me to have my doubts as to that." + +"Doubt me not, beautiful Nanette; the pleasant night we are going to +spend without her must convince you." + +"That is to say that, as a man of sense, you can accept us as a +makeshift; but you can sleep here, and my sister can lie with me on +the sofa in the next room." + +"I cannot hinder you, but it would be great unkindness on your part. +At all events, I do not intend to go to bed." + +"What! you would have the courage to spend seven hours alone with us? +Why, I am certain that in a short time you will be at a loss what to +say, and you will fall asleep." + +"Well, we shall see. In the mean-time here are provisions. You will +not be so cruel as to let me eat alone? Can you get any bread?" + +"Yes, and to please you we must have a second supper." + +"I ought to be in love with you. Tell me, beautiful Nanette, if I +were as much attached to you as I was to Angela, would you follow her +example and make me unhappy?" + +"How can you ask such a question? It is worthy of a conceited man. +All I can answer is, that I do not know what I would do." + +They laid the cloth, brought some bread, some Parmesan cheese and +water, laughing all the while, and then we went to work. The wine, +to which they were not accustomed, went to their heads, and their +gaiety was soon delightful. I wondered, as I looked at them, at my +having been blind enough not to see their merit. + +After our supper, which was delicious, I sat between them, holding +their hands, which I pressed to my lips, asking them whether they +were truly my friends, and whether they approved of Angela's conduct +towards me. They both answered that it had made them shed many +tears. "Then let me," I said, "have for you the tender feelings of a +brother, and share those feelings yourselves as if you were my +sisters; let us exchange, in all innocence, proofs of our mutual +affection, and swear to each other an eternal fidelity." + +The first kiss I gave them was prompted by entirely harmless motives, +and they returned the kiss, as they assured me a few days afterwards +only to prove to me that they reciprocated my brotherly feelings; but +those innocent kisses, as we repeated them, very soon became ardent +ones, and kindled a flame which certainly took us by surprise, for we +stopped, as by common consent, after a short time, looking at each +other very much astonished and rather serious. They both left me +without affectation, and I remained alone with my thoughts. Indeed, +it was natural that the burning kisses I had given and received +should have sent through me the fire of passion, and that I should +suddenly have fallen madly in love with the two amiable sisters. +Both were handsomer than Angela, and they were superior to her-- +Nanette by her charming wit, Marton by her sweet and simple nature; I +could not understand how I had been so long in rendering them the +justice they deserved, but they were the innocent daughters of a +noble family, and the lucky chance which had thrown them in my way +ought not to prove a calamity for them. I was not vain enough to +suppose that they loved me, but I could well enough admit that my +kisses had influenced them in the same manner that their kisses had +influenced me, and, believing this to be the case, it was evident +that, with a little cunning on my part, and of sly practices of which +they were ignorant, I could easily, during the long night I was going +to spend with them, obtain favours, the consequences of which might +be very positive. The very thought made me shudder, and I firmly +resolved to respect their virtue, never dreaming that circumstances +might prove too strong for me. + +When they returned, I read upon their countenances perfect security +and satisfaction, and I quickly put on the same appearance, with a +full determination not to expose myself again to the danger of their +kisses. + +For one hour we spoke of Angela, and I expressed my determination +never to see her again, as I had every proof that she did not care +for me. "She loves you," said the artless Marton; "I know she does, +but if you do not mean to marry her, you will do well to give up all +intercourse with her, for she is quite determined not to grant you +even a kiss as long as you are not her acknowledged suitor. You must +therefore either give up the acquaintance altogether, or make up your +mind that she will refuse you everything." + +"You argue very well, but how do you know that she loves me?" + +"I am quite sure of it, and as you have promised to be our brother, I +can tell you why I have that conviction. When Angela is in bed with +me, she embraces me lovingly and calls me her dear abbe." + +The words were scarcely spoken when Nanette, laughing heartily, +placed her hand on her sister's lips, but the innocent confession had +such an effect upon me that I could hardly control myself. + +Marton told Nanette that I could not possibly be ignorant of what +takes place between young girls sleeping together. + +"There is no doubt," I said, "that everybody knows those trifles, and +I do not think, dear Nanette, that you ought to reproach your sister +with indiscretion for her friendly confidence." + +"It cannot be helped now, but such things ought not to be mentioned. +If Angela knew it!" + +"She would be vexed, of course; but Marton has given me a mark of her +friendship which I never can forget. But it is all over; I hate +Angela, and I do not mean to speak to her any more! she is false, and +she wishes my ruin." + +"Yet, loving you, is she wrong to think of having you for her +husband?" + +"Granted that she is not; but she thinks only of her own self, for +she knows what I suffer, and her conduct would be very different if +she loved me. In the mean time, thanks to her imagination, she finds +the means of satisfying her senses with the charming Marton who +kindly performs the part of her husband." + +Nanette laughed louder, but I kept very serious, and I went on +talking to her sister, and praising her sincerity. I said that very +likely, and to reciprocate her kindness, Angela must likewise have +been her husband, but she answered, with a smile, that Angela played +husband only to Nanette, and Nanette could not deny it. + +"But," said I, "what name did Nanette, in her rapture, give to her +husband?" + +"Nobody knows." + +"Do you love anyone, Nanette?" + +"I do; but my secret is my own." + +This reserve gave me the suspicion that I had something to do with +her secret, and that Nanette was the rival of Angela. Such a +delightful conversation caused me to lose the wish of passing an idle +night with two girls so well made for love. + +"It is very lucky," I exclaimed, "that I have for you only feelings +of friendship; otherwise it would be very hard to pass the night +without giving way to the temptation of bestowing upon you proofs of +my affection, for you are both so lovely, so bewitching, that you +would turn the brains of any man." + +As I went on talking, I pretended to be somewhat sleepy; Nanette +being the first to notice it, said, "Go to bed without any ceremony, +we will lie down on the sofa in the adjoining room." + +"I would be a very poor-spirited fellow indeed, if I agreed to this; +let us talk; my sleepiness will soon pass off, but I am anxious about +you. Go to bed yourselves, my charming friends, and I will go into +the next room. If you are afraid of me, lock the door, but you would +do me an injustice, for I feel only a brother's yearnings towards +you." + +"We cannot accept such an arrangement," said Nanette, "but let me +persuade you; take this bed." + +"I cannot sleep with my clothes on." + +"Undress yourself; we will not look at you." + +"I have no fear of it, but how could I find the heart to sleep, while +on my account you are compelled to sit up?" + +"Well," said Marton, "we can lie down, too, without undressing." + +"If you shew me such distrust, you will offend me. Tell me, Nanette, +do you think I am an honest man?" + +"Most certainly." + +"Well, then, give me a proof of your good opinion; lie down near me +in the bed, undressed, and rely on my word of honour that I will not +even lay a finger upon you. Besides, you are two against one, what +can you fear? Will you not be free to get out of the bed in case I +should not keep quiet? In short, unless you consent to give me this +mark of your confidence in me, at least when I have fallen asleep, I +cannot go to bed." + +I said no more, and pretended to be very sleepy. They exchanged a +few words, whispering to each other, and Marton told me to go to bed, +that they would follow me as soon as I was asleep. Nanette made me +the same promise, I turned my back to them, undressed myself quickly, +and wishing them good night, I went to bed. I immediately pretended +to fall asleep, but soon I dozed in good earnest, and only woke when +they came to bed. Then, turning round as if I wished to resume my +slumbers, I remained very quiet until I could suppose them fast +asleep; at all events, if they did not sleep, they were at liberty to +pretend to do so. Their backs were towards me, and the light was +out; therefore I could only act at random, and I paid my first +compliments to the one who was lying on my right, not knowing whether +she was Nanette or Marton. I find her bent in two, and wrapped up in +the only garment she had kept on. Taking my time, and sparing her +modesty, I compel her by degrees to acknowledge her defeat, and +convince her that it is better to feign sleep and to let me proceed. +Her natural instincts soon working in concert with mine, I reach the +goal; and my efforts, crowned with the most complete success, leave +me not the shadow of a doubt that I have gathered those first-fruits +to which our prejudice makes us attach so great an importance. +Enraptured at having enjoyed my manhood completely and for the first +time, I quietly leave my beauty in order to do homage to the other +sister. I find her motionless, lying on her back like a person +wrapped in profound and undisturbed slumber. Carefully managing my +advance, as if I were afraid of waking her up, I begin by gently +gratifying her senses, and I ascertain the delightful fact that, like +her sister, she is still in possession of her maidenhood. As soon as +a natural movement proves to me that love accepts the offering, I +take my measures to consummate the sacrifice. At that moment, giving +way suddenly to the violence of her feelings, and tired of her +assumed dissimulation, she warmly locks me in her arms at the very +instant of the voluptuous crisis, smothers me with kisses, shares my +raptures, and love blends our souls in the most ecstatic enjoyment. + +Guessing her to be Nanette, I whisper her name. + +"Yes, I am Nanette," she answers; "and I declare myself happy, as +well as my sister, if you prove yourself true and faithful." + +"Until death, my beloved ones, and as everything we have done is the +work of love, do not let us ever mention the name of Angela." + +After this, I begged that she would give us a light; but Marton, +always kind and obliging, got out of bed leaving us alone. When I +saw Nanette in my arms, beaming with love, and Marton near the bed, +holding a candle, with her eyes reproaching us with ingratitude +because we did not speak to her, who, by accepting my first caresses, +had encouraged her sister to follow her example, I realized all my +happiness. + +"Let us get up, my darlings," said I, "and swear to each other +eternal affection." + +When we had risen we performed, all three together, ablutions which +made them laugh a good deal, and which gave a new impetus to the +ardour of our feelings. Sitting up in the simple costume of nature, +we ate the remains of our supper, exchanging those thousand trifling +words which love alone can understand, and we again retired to our +bed, where we spent a most delightful night giving each other mutual +and oft-repeated proofs of our passionate ardour. Nanette was the +recipient of my last bounties, for Madame Orio having left the house +to go to church, I had to hasten my departure, after assuring the two +lovely sisters that they had effectually extinguished whatever flame +might still have flickered in my heart for Angela. I went home and +slept soundly until dinner-time. + +M. de Malipiero passed a remark upon my cheerful looks and the dark +circles around my eyes, but I kept my own counsel, and I allowed him +to think whatever he pleased. On the following day I paid a visit to +Madame Orio, and Angela not being of the party, I remained to supper +and retired with M. Rosa. During the evening Nanette contrived to +give me a letter and a small parcel. The parcel contained a small +lump of wax with the stamp of a key, and the letter told me to have a +key made, and to use it to enter the house whenever I wished to spend +the night with them. She informed me at the same time that Angela +had slept with them the night following our adventures, and that, +thanks to their mutual and usual practices, she had guessed the real +state of things, that they had not denied it, adding that it was all +her fault, and that Angela, after abusing them most vehemently, had +sworn never again to darken their doors; but they did not care a jot. + +A few days afterwards our good fortune delivered us from Angela; she +was taken to Vicenza by her father, who had removed there for a +couple of years, having been engaged to paint frescoes in some houses +in that city. Thanks to her absence, I found myself undisturbed +possessor of the two charming sisters, with whom I spent at least two +nights every week, finding no difficulty in entering the house with +the key which I had speedily procured. + +Carnival was nearly over, when M. Manzoni informed me one day that +the celebrated Juliette wished to see me, and regretted much that I +had ceased to visit her. I felt curious as to what she had to say to +me, and accompanied him to her house. She received me very politely, +and remarking that she had heard of a large hall I had in my house, +she said she would like to give a ball there, if I would give her the +use of it. I readily consented, and she handed me twenty-four +sequins for the supper and for the band, undertaking to send people +to place chandeliers in the hall and in my other rooms. + +M. de Sanvitali had left Venice, and the Parmesan government had +placed his estates in chancery in consequence of his extravagant +expenditure. I met him at Versailles ten years afterwards. He wore +the insignia of the king's order of knighthood, and was grand equerry +to the eldest daughter of Louis XV., Duchess of Parma, who, like all +the French princesses, could not be reconciled to the climate of +Italy. + +The ball took place, and went off splendidly. All the guests +belonged to Juliette's set, with the exception of Madame Orio, her +nieces, and the procurator Rosa, who sat together in the room +adjoining the hall, and whom I had been permitted to introduce as +persons of no consequence whatever. + +While the after-supper minuets were being danced Juliette took me +apart, and said, "Take me to your bedroom; I have just got an amusing +idea." + +My room was on the third story; I shewed her the way. The moment we +entered she bolted the door, much to my surprise. "I wish you," she +said, "to dress me up in your ecclesiastical clothes, and I will +disguise you as a woman with my own things. We will go down and +dance together. Come, let us first dress our hair." + +Feeling sure of something pleasant to come, and delighted with such +an unusual adventure, I lose no time in arranging her hair, and I let +her afterwards dress mine. She applies rouge and a few beauty spots +to my face; I humour her in everything, and to prove her +satisfaction, she gives me with the best of grace a very loving kiss, +on condition that I do not ask for anything else. + +"As you please, beautiful Juliette, but I give you due notice that I +adore you!" + +I place upon my bed a shirt, an abbe's neckband, a pair of drawers, +black silk stockings--in fact, a complete fit-out. Coming near the +bed, Juliette drops her skirt, and cleverly gets into the drawers, +which were not a bad fit, but when she comes to the breeches there is +some difficulty; the waistband is too narrow, and the only remedy is +to rip it behind or to cut it, if necessary. I undertake to make +everything right, and, as I sit on the foot of my bed, she places +herself in front of me, with her back towards me. I begin my work, +but she thinks that I want to see too much, that I am not skilful +enough, and that my fingers wander in unnecessary places; she gets +fidgety, leaves me, tears the breeches, and manages in her own way. +Then I help her to put her shoes on, and I pass the shirt over her +head, but as I am disposing the ruffle and the neck-band, she +complains of my hands being too curious; and in truth, her bosom was +rather scanty. She calls me a knave and rascal, but I take no notice +of her. I was not going to be duped, and I thought that a woman who +had been paid one hundred thousand ducats was well worth some study. +At last, her toilet being completed, my turn comes. In spite of her +objections I quickly get rid of my breeches, and she must put on me +the chemise, then a skirt, in a word she has to dress me up. But all +at once, playing the coquette, she gets angry because I do not +conceal from her looks the very apparent proof that her charms have +some effect on a particular part of my being, and she refuses to +grant me the favour which would soon afford both relief and calm. I +try to kiss her, and she repulses me, whereupon I lose patience, and +in spite of herself she has to witness the last stage of my +excitement. At the sight of this, she pours out every insulting word +she can think of; I endeavour to prove that she is to blame, but it +is all in vain. + +However, she is compelled to complete my disguise. There is no doubt +that an honest woman would not have exposed herself to such an +adventure, unless she had intended to prove her tender feelings, and +that she would not have drawn back at the very moment she saw them +shared by her companion; but women like Juliette are often guided by +a spirit of contradiction which causes them to act against their own +interests. Besides, she felt disappointed when she found out that I +was not timid, and my want of restraint appeared to her a want of +respect. She would not have objected to my stealing a few light +favours which she would have allowed me to take, as being of no +importance, but, by doing that, I should have flattered her vanity +too highly. + +Our disguise being complete, we went together to the dancing-hall, +where the enthusiastic applause of the guests soon restored our good +temper. Everybody gave me credit for a piece of fortune which I had +not enjoyed, but I was not ill-pleased with the rumour, and went on +dancing with the false abbe, who was only too charming. Juliette +treated me so well during the night that I construed her manners +towards me into some sort of repentance, and I almost regretted what +had taken place between us; it was a momentary weakness for which I +was sorely punished. + +At the end of the quadrille all the men thought they had a right to +take liberties with the abbe, and I became myself rather free with +the young girls, who would have been afraid of exposing themselves to +ridicule had they offered any opposition to my caresses. + +M. Querini was foolish enough to enquire from me whether I had kept +on my breeches, and as I answered that I had been compelled to lend +them to Juliette, he looked very unhappy, sat down in a corner of the +room, and refused to dance. + +Every one of the guests soon remarked that I had on a woman's +chemise, and nobody entertained a doubt of the sacrifice having been +consummated, with the exception of Nanette and Marton, who could not +imagine the possibility of my being unfaithful to them. Juliette +perceived that she had been guilty of great imprudence, but it was +too late to remedy the evil. + +When we returned to my chamber upstairs, thinking that she had +repented of her previous behaviour, and feeling some desire to +possess her, I thought I would kiss her, and I took hold of her hand, +saying I was disposed to give her every satisfaction, but she quickly +slapped my face in so violent a manner that, in my indignation, I was +very near returning the compliment. I undressed myself rapidly +without looking at her, she did the same, and we came downstairs; +but, in spite of the cold water I had applied to my cheek, everyone +could easily see the stamp of the large hand which had come in +contact with my face. + +Before leaving the house, Juliette took me apart, and told me, in the +most decided and impressive manner, that if I had any fancy for being +thrown out of the window, I could enjoy that pleasure whenever I +liked to enter her dwelling, and that she would have me murdered if +this night's adventure ever became publicly known. I took care not +to give her any cause for the execution of either of her threats, but +I could not prevent the fact of our having exchanged shirts being +rather notorious. As I was not seen at her house, it was generally +supposed that she had been compelled by M. Querini to keep me at a +distance. The reader will see how, six years later, this +extraordinary woman thought proper to feign entire forgetfulness of +this adventure. + +I passed Lent, partly in the company of my loved ones, partly in the +study of experimental physics at the Convent of the Salutation. My +evenings were always given to M. de Malipiero's assemblies. At +Easter, in order to keep the promise I had made to the Countess of +Mont-Real, and longing to see again my beautiful Lucie, I went to +Pasean. I found the guests entirely different to the set I had met +the previous autumn. Count Daniel, the eldest of the family, had +married a Countess Gozzi, and a young and wealthy government +official, who had married a god-daughter of the old countess, was +there with his wife and his sister-in-law. I thought the supper very +long. The same room had been given to me, and I was burning to see +Lucie, whom I did not intend to treat any more like a child. I did +not see her before going to bed, but I expected her early the next +morning, when lo! instead of her pretty face brightening my eyes, I +see standing before me a fat, ugly servant-girl! I enquire after the +gatekeeper's family, but her answer is given in the peculiar dialect +of the place, and is, of course, unintelligible to me. + +I wonder what has become of Lucie; I fancy that our intimacy has been +found out, I fancy that she is ill--dead, perhaps. I dress myself +with the intention of looking for her. If she has been forbidden to +see me, I think to myself, I will be even with them all, for somehow +or other I will contrive the means of speaking to her, and out of +spite I will do with her that which honour prevented love from +accomplishing. As I was revolving such thoughts, the gate-keeper +comes in with a sorrowful countenance. I enquire after his wife's +health, and after his daughter, but at the name of Lucie his eyes are +filled with tears. + +"What! is she dead?" + +"Would to God she were!" + +"What has she done?" + +"She has run away with Count Daniel's courier, and we have been +unable to trace her anywhere." + +His wife comes in at the moment he replies, and at these words, which +renewed her grief, the poor woman faints away. The keeper, seeing +how sincerely I felt for his misery, tells me that this great +misfortune befell them only a week before my arrival. + +"I know that man l'Aigle," I say; "he is a scoundrel. Did he ask to +marry Lucie?" + +"No; he knew well enough that our consent would have been refused!" + +"I wonder at Lucie acting in such a way." + +"He seduced her, and her running away made us suspect the truth, for +she had become very stout." + +"Had he known her long?" + +"About a month after your last visit she saw him for the first time. +He must have thrown a spell over her, for our Lucie was as pure as a +dove, and you can, I believe, bear testimony to her goodness." + +"And no one knows where they are?" + +"No one. God alone knows what this villain will do with her." + +I grieved as much as the unfortunate parents; I went out and took a +long ramble in the woods to give way to my sad feelings. During two +hours I cogitated over considerations, some true, some false, which +were all prefaced by an if. If I had paid this visit, as I might +have done, a week sooner, loving Lucie would have confided in me, and +I would have prevented that self-murder. If I had acted with her as +with Nanette and Marton, she would not have been left by me in that +state of ardent excitement which must have proved the principal cause +of her fault, and she would not have fallen a prey to that scoundrel. +If she had not known me before meeting the courier, her innocent soul +would never have listened to such a man. I was in despair, for in my +conscience I acknowledged myself the primary agent of this infamous +seduction; I had prepared the way for the villain. + +Had I known where to find Lucie, I would certainly have gone forth on +the instant to seek for her, but no trace whatever of her whereabouts +had been discovered. + +Before I had been made acquainted with Lucie's misfortune I felt +great pride at having had sufficient power over myself to respect her +innocence; but after hearing what had happened I was ashamed of my +own reserve, and I promised myself that for the future I would on +that score act more wisely. I felt truly miserable when my +imagination painted the probability of the unfortunate girl being +left to poverty and shame, cursing the remembrance of me, and hating +me as the first cause of her misery. This fatal event caused me to +adopt a new system, which in after years I carried sometimes rather +too far. + +I joined the cheerful guests of the countess in the gardens, and +received such a welcome that I was soon again in my usual spirits, +and at dinner I delighted everyone. + +My sorrow was so great that it was necessary either to drive it away +at once or to leave Pasean. But a new life crept into my being as I +examined the face and the disposition of the newly-married lady. Her +sister was prettier, but I was beginning to feel afraid of a novice; +I thought the work too great. + +This newly-married lady, who was between nineteen and twenty years of +age, drew upon herself everybody's attention by her over-strained and +unnatural manners. A great talker, with a memory crammed with maxims +and precepts often without sense, but of which she loved to make a +show, very devout, and so jealous of her husband that she did not +conceal her vexation when he expressed his satisfaction at being +seated at table opposite her sister, she laid herself open to much +ridicule. Her husband was a giddy young fellow, who perhaps felt +very deep affection for his wife, but who imagined that, through good +breeding, he ought to appear very indifferent, and whose vanity found +pleasure in giving her constant causes for jealousy. She, in her +turn, had a great dread of passing for an idiot if she did not shew +her appreciation of, and her resentment for, his conduct. She felt +uneasy in the midst of good company, precisely because she wished to +appear thoroughly at home. If I prattled away with some of my +trilling nonsense, she would stare at me, and in her anxiety not to +be thought stupid, she would laugh out of season. Her oddity, her +awkwardness, and her self-conceit gave me the desire to know her +better, and I began to dance attendance upon her. + +My attentions, important and unimportant, my constant care, ever my +fopperies, let everybody know that I meditated conquest. The husband +was duly warned, but, with a great show of intrepidity, he answered +with a joke every time he was told that I was a formidable rival. On +my side I assumed a modest, and even sometimes a careless appearance, +when, to shew his freedom from jealousy, he excited me to make love +to his wife, who, on her part, understood but little how to perform +the part of fancy free. + +I had been paying my address to her for five or six days with great +constancy, when, taking a walk with her in the garden, she +imprudently confided to me the reason of her anxiety respecting her +husband, and how wrong he was to give her any cause for jealousy. I +told her, speaking as an old friend, that the best way to punish him +would be to take no apparent notice of her, husband's preference for +her sister, and to feign to be herself in love with me. In order to +entice her more easily to follow my advice, I added that I was well +aware of my plan being a very difficult one to carry out, and that to +play successfully such a character a woman must be particularly +witty. I had touched her weak point, and she exclaimed that she +would play the part to perfection; but in spite of her self- +confidence she acquitted herself so badly that everybody understood +that the plan was of my own scheming. + +If I happened to be alone with her in the dark paths of the garden, +and tried to make her play her part in real earnest, she would take +the dangerous step of running away, and rejoining the other guests; +the result being that, on my reappearance, I was called a bad +sportsman who frightened the bird away. I would not fail at the +first opportunity to reproach her for her flight, and to represent +the triumph she had thus prepared for her spouse. I praised her +mind, but lamented over the shortcomings of her education; I said +that the tone, the manners I adopted towards her, were those of good +society, and proved the great esteem I entertained for her +intelligence, but in the middle of all my fine speeches, towards the +eleventh or twelfth day of my courtship, she suddenly put me out of +all conceit by telling me that, being a priest, I ought to know that +every amorous connection was a deadly sin, that God could see every +action of His creatures, and that she would neither damn her soul nor +place herself under the necessity of saying to her confessor that she +had so far forgotten herself as to commit such a sin with a priest. +I objected that I was not yet a priest, but she foiled me by +enquiring point-blank whether or not the act I had in view was to be +numbered amongst the cardinal sins, for, not feeling the courage to +deny it, I felt that I must give up the argument and put an end to +the adventure. + +A little consideration having considerably calmed my feelings, +everybody remarked my new countenance during dinner; and the old +count, who was very fond of a joke, expressed loudly his opinion that +such quiet demeanour on my part announced the complete success of my +campaign. Considering such a remark to be favourable to me, I took +care to spew my cruel devotee that such was the way the world would +judge, but all this was lost labour. Luck, however, stood me in good +stead, and my efforts were crowned with success in the following +manner. + +On Ascension Day, we all went to pay a visit to Madame Bergali, a +celebrated Italian poetess. On my return to Pasean the same evening, +my pretty mistress wished to get into a carriage for four persons in +which her husband and sister were already seated, while I was alone +in a two-wheeled chaise. I exclaimed at this, saying that such a +mark of distrust was indeed too pointed, and everybody remonstrated +with her, saying that she ought not to insult me so cruelly. She was +compelled to come with me, and having told the postillion that I +wanted to go by the nearest road, he left the other carriages, and +took the way through the forest of Cequini. The sky was clear and +cloudless when we left, but in less than half-an-hour we were visited +by one of those storms so frequent in the south, which appear likely +to overthrow heaven and earth, and which end rapidly, leaving behind +them a bright sky and a cool atmosphere, so that they do more good +than harm. + +"Oh, heavens!" exclaimed my companion, "we shall have a storm." + +"Yes," I say, "and although the chaise is covered, the rain will +spoil your pretty dress. I am very sorry." + +"I do not mind the dress; but the thunder frightens me so!" + +"Close your ears." + +"And the lightning?" + +"Postillion, let us go somewhere for shelter." + +"There is not a house, sir, for a league, and before we come to it, +the storm will have passed off." + +He quietly keeps on his way, and the lightning flashes, the thunder +sends forth its mighty voice, and the lady shudders with fright. The +rain comes down in torrents, I take off my cloak to shelter us in +front, at the same moment we are blinded by a flash of lightning, and +the electric fluid strikes the earth within one hundred yards of us. +The horses plunge and prance with fear, and my companion falls in +spasmodic convulsions. She throws herself upon me, and folds me in +her arms. The cloak had gone down, I stoop to place it around us, +and improving my opportunity I take up her clothes. She tries to +pull them down, but another clap of thunder deprives her of every +particle of strength. Covering her with the cloak, I draw her +towards me, and the motion of the chaise coming to my assistance, she +falls over me in the most favourable position. I lose no time, and +under pretence of arranging my watch in my fob, I prepare myself for +the assault. On her side, conscious that, unless she stops me at +once, all is lost, she makes a great effort; but I hold her tightly, +saying that if she does not feign a fainting fit, the post-boy will +turn round and see everything; I let her enjoy the pleasure of +calling me an infidel, a monster, anything she likes, but my victory +is the most complete that ever a champion achieved. + +The rain, however, was falling, the wind, which was very high, blew +in our faces, and, compelled to stay where she was, she said I would +ruin her reputation, as the postillion could see everything. + +"I keep my eye upon him," I answered, "he is not thinking of us, and +even if he should turn his head, the cloak shelters us from him. Be +quiet, and pretend to have fainted, for I will not let you go." + +She seems resigned, and asks how I can thus set the storm at +defiance. + +"The storm, dear one, is my best friend to-day." + +She almost seems to believe me, her fear vanishes, and feeling my +rapture, she enquires whether I have done. I smile and answer in the +negative, stating that I cannot let her go till the storm is over. +"Consent to everything, or I let the cloak drop," I say to her. + +"Well, you dreadful man, are you satisfied, now that you have insured +my misery for the remainder of my life?" + +"No, not yet." + +"What more do you want?" + +"A shower of kisses." + +"How unhappy I am! Well! here they are." + +"Tell me you forgive me, and confess that you have shared all my +pleasure." + +"You know I did. Yes, I forgive you." + +Then I give her her liberty, and treating her to some very pleasant +caresses, I ask her to have the same kindness for me, and she goes to +work with a smile on her pretty lips. + +"Tell me you love me," I say to her. + +"No, I do not, for you are an atheist, and hell awaits you." + +The weather was fine again, and the elements calm; I kissed her hands +and told her that the postillion had certainly not seen anything, and +that I was sure I had cured her of her dread of thunder, but that she +was not likely to reveal the secret of my remedy. She answered that +one thing at least was certain, namely that no other woman had ever +been cured by the same prescription. + +"Why," I said, "the same remedy has very likely been applied a +million of times within the last thousand years. To tell you the +truth, I had somewhat depended upon it, when we entered the chaise +together, for I did not know any other way of obtaining the happiness +of possessing you. But console yourself with the belief that, placed +in the same position, no frightened woman could have resisted." + +"I believe you; but for the future I will travel only with my +husband." + +"You would be wrong, for your husband would not have been clever +enough to cure your fright in the way I have done." + +"True, again. One learns some curious things in your company; but we +shall not travel tete-d-tete again." + +We reached Pasean an hour before our friends. We get out of the +chaise, and my fair mistress ran off to her chamber, while I was +looking for a crown for the postillion. I saw that he was grinning. + +"What are you laughing at?" + +"Oh! you know." + +"Here, take this ducat and keep a quiet tongue in your head." + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +My Grandmother's Death and Its Consequences I Lose M. de Malipiero's +Friendship--I Have No Longer a Home--La Tintoretta--I Am Sent to a +Clerical Seminary--I Am Expelled From It, and Confined in a Fortress + + +During supper the conversation turned altogether upon the storm, and +the official, who knew the weakness of his wife, told me that he was +quite certain I would never travel with her again. "Nor I with him," +his wife remarked, "for, in his fearful impiety, he exorcised the +lightning with jokes." + +Henceforth she avoided me so skilfully that I never could contrive +another interview with her. + +When I returned to Venice I found my grandmother ill, and I had to +change all my habits, for I loved her too dearly not to surround her +with every care and attention; I never left her until she had +breathed her last. She was unable to leave me anything, for during +her life she had given me all she could, and her death compelled me +to adopt an entirely different mode of life. + +A month after her death, I received a letter from my mother informing +me that, as there was no probability of her return to Venice, she had +determined to give up the house, the rent of which she was still +paying, that she had communicated her intention to the Abbe Grimani, +and that I was to be guided entirely by his advice. + +He was instructed to sell the furniture, and to place me, as well as +my brothers and my sister, in a good boarding-house. I called upon +Grimani to assure him of my perfect disposition to obey his commands. + +The rent of the house had been paid until the end of the year; but, +as I was aware that the furniture would be sold on the expiration of +the term, I placed my wants under no restraint. I had already sold +some linen, most of the china, and several tapestries; I now began to +dispose of the mirrors, beds, etc. I had no doubt that my conduct +would be severely blamed, but I knew likewise that it was my father's +inheritance, to which my mother had no claim whatever, and, as to my +brothers, there was plenty of time before any explanation could take +place between us. + +Four months afterwards I had a second letter from my mother, dated +from Warsaw, and enclosing another. Here is the translation of my +mother's letter + +"My dear son, I have made here the acquaintance of a learned Minim +friar, a Calabrian by birth, whose great qualities have made me think +of you every time he has honoured me with a visit. A year ago I told +him that I had a son who was preparing himself for the Church, but +that I had not the means of keeping him during his studies, and he +promised that my son would become his own child, if I could obtain +for him from the queen a bishopric in his native country, and he +added that it would be very easy to succeed if I could induce the +sovereign to recommend him to her daughter, the queen of Naples. + +"Full of trust in the Almighty, I threw myself at the feet of her +majesty, who granted me her gracious protection. She wrote to her +daughter, and the worthy friar has been appointed by the Pope to the +bishopric of Monterano. Faithful to his promise, the good bishop +will take you with him about the middle of next year, as he passes +through Venice to reach Calabria. He informs you himself of his +intentions in the enclosed letter. Answer him immediately, my dear +son, and forward your letter to me; I will deliver it to the bishop. +He will pave your way to the highest dignities of the Church, and you +may imagine my consolation if, in some twenty or thirty years, I had +the happiness of seeing you a bishop, at least! Until his arrival, +M. Grimani will take care of you. I give you my blessing, and I am, +my dear child, etc., etc." + +The bishop's letter was written in Latin, and was only a repetition +of my mother's. It was full of unction, and informed me that he +would tarry but three days in Venice. + +I answered according to my mother's wishes, but those two letters had +turned my brain. I looked upon my fortune as made. I longed to +enter the road which was to lead me to it, and I congratulated myself +that I could leave my country without any regret. Farewell, Venice, +I exclaimed; the days for vanity are gone by, and in the future I +will only think of a great, of a substantial career! M. Grimani +congratulated me warmly on my good luck, and promised all his +friendly care to secure a good boarding-house, to which I would go at +the beginning of the year, and where I would wait for the bishop's +arrival. + +M. de Malipiero, who in his own way had great wisdom, and who saw +that in Venice I was plunging headlong into pleasures and +dissipation, and was only wasting a precious time, was delighted to +see me on the eve of going somewhere else to fulfil my destiny, and +much pleased with my ready acceptance of those new circumstances in +my life. He read me a lesson which I have never forgotten. "The +famous precept of the Stoic philosophers," he said to me, "'Sequere +Deum', can be perfectly explained by these words: 'Give yourself up +to whatever fate offers to you, provided you do not feel an +invincible repugnance to accept it.'" He added that it was the +genius of Socrates, 'saepe revocans, raro impellens'; and that it was +the origin of the 'fata viam inveniunt' of the same philosophers. + +M. de Malipiero's science was embodied in that very lesson, for he +had obtained his knowledge by the study of only one book--the book of +man. However, as if it were to give me the proof that perfection +does not exist, and that there is a bad side as well as a good one to +everything, a certain adventure happened to me a month afterwards +which, although I was following his own maxims, cost me the loss of +his friendship, and which certainly did not teach me anything. + +The senator fancied that he could trace upon the physiognomy of young +people certain signs which marked them out as the special favourites +of fortune. When he imagined that he had discovered those signs upon +any individual, he would take him in hand and instruct him how to +assist fortune by good and wise principles; and he used to say, with +a great deal of truth, that a good remedy would turn into poison in +the hands of a fool, but that poison is a good remedy when +administered by a learned man. He had, in my time, three favourites +in whose education he took great pains. They were, besides myself, +Therese Imer, with whom the reader has a slight acquaintance already, +and the third was the daughter of the boatman Gardela, a girl three +years younger than I, who had the prettiest and most fascinating +countenance. The speculative old man, in order to assist fortune in +her particular case, made her learn dancing, for, he would say, the +ball cannot reach the pocket unless someone pushes it. This girl +made a great reputation at Stuttgard under the name of Augusta. She +was the favourite mistress of the Duke of Wurtemburg in 1757. She +was a most charming woman. The last time I saw her she was in +Venice, and she died two years afterwards. Her husband, Michel de +l'Agata, poisoned himself a short time after her death. + +One day we had all three dined with him, and after dinner the senator +left us, as was his wont, to enjoy his siesta; the little Gardela, +having a dancing lesson to take, went away soon after him, and I +found myself alone with Therese, whom I rather admired, although I +had never made love to her. We were sitting down at a table very +near each other, with our backs to the door of the room in which we +thought our patron fast asleep, and somehow or other we took a fancy +to examine into the difference of conformation between a girl and a +boy; but at the most interesting part of our study a violent blow on +my shoulders from a stick, followed by another, and which would have +been itself followed by many more if I had not ran away, compelled us +to abandon our interesting investigation unfinished. I got off +without hat or cloak, and went home; but in less than a quarter of an +hour the old housekeeper of the senator brought my clothes with a +letter which contained a command never to present myself again at the +mansion of his excellency. I immediately wrote him an answer in the +following terms: "You have struck me while you were the slave of your +anger; you cannot therefore boast of having given me a lesson, and I +have not learned anything. To forgive you I must forget that you are +a man of great wisdom, and I can never forget it." + +This nobleman was perhaps quite right not to be pleased with the +sight we gave him; yet, with all his prudence, he proved himself very +unwise, for all the servants were acquainted with the cause of my +exile, and, of course, the adventure was soon known through the city, +and was received with great merriment. He dared not address any +reproaches to Therese, as I heard from her soon after, but she could +not venture to entreat him to pardon me. + +The time to leave my father's house was drawing near, and one fine +morning I received the visit of a man about forty years old, with a +black wig, a scarlet cloak, and a very swarthy complexion, who handed +me a letter from M. Grimani, ordering me to consign to the bearer all +the furniture of the house according to the inventory, a copy of +which was in my possession. Taking the inventory in my hand, I +pointed out every article marked down, except when the said article, +having through my instrumentality taken an airing out of the house, +happened to be missing, and whenever any article was absent I said +that I had not the slightest idea where it might be. But the uncouth +fellow, taking a very high tone, said loudly that he must know what I +had done with the furniture. His manner being very disagreeable to +me, I answered that I had nothing to do with him, and as he still +raised his voice I advised him to take himself off as quickly as +possible, and I gave him that piece of advice in such a way as to +prove to him that, at home, I knew I was the more powerful of the +two. + +Feeling it my duty to give information to M. Grimani of what had +just taken place, I called upon him as soon as he was up, but I found +that my man was already there, and that he had given his own account +of the affair. The abbe, after a very severe lecture to which I had +to listen in silence, ordered me to render an account of all the +missing articles. I answered that I had found myself under the +necessity of selling them to avoid running into debt. This +confession threw him in a violent passion; he called me a rascal, +said that those things did not belong to me, that he knew what he had +to do, and he commanded me to leave his house on the very instant. + +Mad with rage, I ran for a Jew, to whom I wanted to sell what +remained of the furniture, but when I returned to my house I found a +bailiff waiting at the door, and he handed me a summons. I looked +over it and perceived that it was issued at the instance of Antonio +Razetta. It was the name of the fellow with the swarthy countenance. +The seals were already affixed on all the doors, and I was not even +allowed to go to my room, for a keeper had been left there by the +bailiff. I lost no time, and called upon M. Rosa, to whom I related +all the circumstances. After reading the summons he said, + +"The seals shall be removed to-morrow morning, and in the meantime I +shall summon Razetta before the avogador. But to-night, my dear +friend," he added, "you must beg the hospitality of some one of your +acquaintances. It has been a violent proceeding, but you shall be +paid handsomely for it; the man is evidently acting under +M. Grimani's orders." + +"Well, that is their business." + +I spent the night with Nanette and Marton, and on the following +morning, the seals having been taken off, I took possession of my +dwelling. Razetta did not appear before the 'avogador', and M. Rosa +summoned him in my name before the criminal court, and obtained +against him a writ of 'capias' in case he should not obey the second +summons. On the third day M. Grimani wrote to me, commanding me to +call upon him. I went immediately. As soon as I was in his presence +he enquired abruptly what my intentions were. + +"I intend to shield myself from your violent proceedings under the +protection of the law, and to defend myself against a man with whom I +ought never to have had any connection, and who has compelled me to +pass the night in a disreputable place." + +"In a disreputable place?" + +"Of course. Why was I, against all right and justice, prevented from +entering my own dwelling?" + +"You have possession of it now. But you must go to your lawyer and +tell him to suspend all proceedings against Razetta, who has done +nothing but under my instructions. I suspected that your intention +was to sell the rest of the furniture; I have prevented it. There is +a room at your disposal at St. Hrysostom's, in a house of mine, the +first floor of which is occupied by La Tintoretta, our first opera +dancer. Send all your things there, and come and dine with me every +day. Your sister and your brothers have been provided with a +comfortable home; therefore, everything is now arranged for the +best." + +I called at once upon M. Rosa, to whom I explained all that had taken +place, and his advice being to give way to M. Grimani's wishes, I +determined to follow it. Besides, the arrangement offered the best +satisfaction I could obtain, as to be a guest at his dinner table was +an honour for me. I was likewise full of curiosity respecting my new +lodging under the same roof with La Tintoretta, who was much talked +of, owing to a certain Prince of Waldeck who was extravagantly +generous with her. + +The bishop was expected in the course of the summer; I had, +therefore, only six months more to wait in Venice before taking the +road which would lead me, perhaps, to the throne of Saint Peter: +everything in the future assumed in my eyes the brightest hue, and my +imagination revelled amongst the most radiant beams of sunshine; my +castles in the air were indeed most beautiful. + +I dined the same day with M. Grimani, and I found myself seated next +to Razetta--an unpleasant neighbour, but I took no notice of him. +When the meal was over, I paid a last visit to my beautiful house in +Saint-Samuel's parish, and sent all I possessed in a gondola to my +new lodging. + +I did not know Signora Tintoretta, but I was well acquainted with her +reputation, character and manners. She was but a poor dancer, +neither handsome nor plain, but a woman of wit and intellect. Prince +Waldeck spent a great deal for her, and yet he did not prevent her +from retaining the titulary protection of a noble Venetian of the Lin +family, now extinct, a man about sixty years of age, who was her +visitor at every hour of the day. This nobleman, who knew me, came +to my room towards the evening, with the compliments of the lady, +who, he added, was delighted to have me in her house, and would be +pleased to receive me in her intimate circle. + +To excuse myself for not having been the first to pay my respects to +the signora, I told M. Lin that I did not know she was my neighbour, +that M. Grimani had not mentioned the circumstance, otherwise I would +have paid my duties to her before taking possession of my lodging. +After this apology I followed the ambassador, he presented me to his +mistress, and the acquaintance was made. + +She received me like a princess, took off her glove before giving me +her hand to kiss, mentioned my name before five or six strangers who +were present, and whose names she gave me, and invited me to take a +seat near her. As she was a native of Venice, I thought it was +absurd for her to speak French to me, and I told her that I was not +acquainted with that language, and would feel grateful if she would +converse in Italian. She was surprised at my not speaking French, +and said I would cut but a poor figure in her drawing-room, as they +seldom spoke any other language there, because she received a great +many foreigners. I promised to learn French. Prince Waldeck came in +during the evening; I was introduced to him, and he gave me a very +friendly welcome. He could speak Italian very well, and during the +carnival he chewed me great kindness. He presented me with a gold +snuffbox as a reward for a very poor sonnet which I had written for +his dear Grizellini. This was her family name; she was called +Tintoretta because her father had been a dyer. + +The Tintoretta had greater claims than Juliette to the admiration of +sensible men. She loved poetry, and if it had not been that I was +expecting the bishop, I would have fallen in love with her. She was +herself smitten with a young physician of great merit, named +Righelini, who died in the prime of life, and whom I still regret. I +shall have to mention him in another part of my Memoirs. + +Towards the end of the carnival, my mother wrote to M. Grimani that +it would be a great shame if the bishop found me under the roof of an +opera dancer, and he made up his mind to lodge me in a respectable +and decent place. He took the Abbe Tosello into consultation, and +the two gentlemen thought that the best thing they could do for me +would be to send me to a clerical seminary. They arranged everything +unknown to me, and the abbe undertook to inform me of their plan and +to obtain from me a gracious consent. But when I heard him speak +with beautiful flowers of rhetoric for the purpose of gilding the +bitter pill, I could not help bursting into a joyous laughter, and I +astounded his reverence when I expressed my readiness to go anywhere +he might think right to send me. + +The plan of the two worthy gentlemen was absurd, for at the age of +seventeen, and with a nature like mine, the idea of placing me in a +seminary ought never to have been entertained, but ever a faithful +disciple of Socrates, feeling no unconquerable reluctance, and the +plan, on the contrary, appearing to me rather a good joke, I not only +gave a ready consent, but I even longed to enter the seminary. I +told M. Grimani I was prepared to accept anything, provided Razetta +had nothing to do with it. He gave me his promise, but he did not +keep it when I left the seminary. I have never been able to decide +whether this Grimani was kind because he was a fool, or whether his +stupidity was the result of his kindness, but all his brothers were +the same. The worst trick that Dame Fortune can play upon an +intelligent young man is to place him under the dependence of a fool. +A few days afterwards, having been dressed as a pupil of a clerical +seminary by the care of the abbe, I was taken to Saint-Cyprian de +Muran and introduced to the rector. + +The patriarchal church of Saint-Cyprian is served by an order of the +monks, founded by the blessed Jerome Miani, a nobleman of Venice. +The rector received me with tender affection and great kindness. But +in his address (which was full of unction) I thought I could perceive +a suspicion on his part that my being sent to the seminary was a +punishment, or at least a way to put a stop to an irregular life, +and, feeling hurt in my dignity, I told him at once, "Reverend +father, I do not think that any one has the right of punishing me." + +"No, no, my son," he answered, "I only meant that you would be very +happy with us." + +We were then shewn three halls, in which we found at least one +hundred and fifty seminarists, ten or twelve schoolrooms, the +refectory, the dormitory, the gardens for play hours, and every pain +was taken to make me imagine life in such a place the happiest that +could fall to the lot of a young man, and to make me suppose that I +would even regret the arrival of the bishop. Yet they all tried to +cheer me up by saying that I would only remain there five or six +months. Their eloquence amused me greatly. + +I entered the seminary at the beginning of March, and prepared myself +for my new life by passing the night between my two young friends, +Nanette and Marton, who bathed their pillows with tears; they could +not understand, and this was likewise the feeling of their aunt and +of the good M. Rosa, how a young man like myself could shew such +obedience. + +The day before going to the seminary, I had taken care to entrust all +my papers to Madame Manzoni. They made a large parcel, and I left it +in her hands for fifteen years. The worthy old lady is still alive, +and with her ninety years she enjoys good health and a cheerful +temper. She received me with a smile, and told me that I would not +remain one month in the seminary. + +"I beg your pardon, madam, but I am very glad to go there, and intend +to remain until the arrival of the bishop." + +"You do not know your own nature, and you do not know your bishop, +with whom you will not remain very long either." + +The abbe accompanied me to the seminary in a gondola, but at Saint- +Michel he had to stop in consequence of a violent attack of vomiting +which seized me suddenly; the apothecary cured me with some mint- +water. + +I was indebted for this attack to the too frequent sacrifices which I +had been offering on the altar of love. Any lover who knows what his +feelings were when he found himself with the woman he adored and with +the fear that it was for the last time, will easily imagine my +feelings during the last hours that I expected ever to spend with my +two charming mistresses. I could not be induced to let the last +offering be the last, and I went on offering until there was no more +incense left. + +The priest committed me to the care of the rector, and my luggage was +carried to the dormitory, where I went myself to deposit my cloak and +my hat. I was not placed amongst the adults, because, +notwithstanding my size, I was not old enough. Besides, I would not +shave myself, through vanity, because I thought that the down on my +face left no doubt of my youth. It was ridiculous, of course; but +when does man cease to be so? We get rid of our vices more easily +than of our follies. Tyranny has not had sufficient power over me to +compel me to shave myself; it is only in that respect that I have +found tyranny to be tolerant. + +"To which school do you wish to belong?" asked the rector. + +"To the dogmatic, reverend father; I wish to study the history of the +Church." + +"I will introduce you to the father examiner." + +"I am doctor in divinity, most reverend father, and do not want to be +examined." + +"It is necessary, my dear son; come with me." + +This necessity appeared to me an insult, and I felt very angry; but a +spirit of revenge quickly whispered to me the best way to mystify +them, and the idea made me very joyful. I answered so badly all the +questions propounded in Latin by the examiner, I made so many +solecisms, that he felt it his duty to send me to an inferior class +of grammar, in which, to my great delight, I found myself the +companion of some twenty young urchins of about ten years, who, +hearing that I was doctor in divinity, kept on saying: 'Accipiamus +pecuniam, et mittamus asinum in patriam suam'. + +Our play hours afforded me great amusement; my companions of the +dormitory, who were all in the class of philosophy at least, looked +down upon me with great contempt, and when they spoke of their own +sublime discourses, they laughed if I appeared to be listening +attentively to their discussions which, as they thought, must have +been perfect enigmas to me. I did not intend to betray myself, but +an accident, which I could not avoid, forced me to throw off the +mask. + +Father Barbarigo, belonging to the Convent of the Salutation at +Venice, whose pupil I had been in physics, came to pay a visit to the +rector, and seeing me as we were coming from mass paid me his +friendly compliments. His first question was to enquire what science +I was studying, and he thought I was joking when I answered that I +was learning the grammar. The rector having joined us, I left them +together, and went to my class. An our later, the rector sent for +me. + +"Why did you feign such ignorance at the examination?" he asked. + +"Why," I answered, "were you unjust enough to compel me to the +degradation of an examination?" + +He looked annoyed, and escorted me to the dogmatic school, where my +comrades of the dormitory received me with great astonishment, and in +the afternoon, at play time, they gathered around me and made me very +happy with their professions of friendship. + +One of them, about fifteen years old, and who at the present time +must, if still alive, be a bishop, attracted my notice by his +features as much as by his talents. He inspired me with a very warm +friendship, and during recess, instead of playing skittles with the +others, we always walked together. We conversed upon poetry, and we +both delighted in the beautiful odes of Horace. We liked Ariosto +better than Tasso, and Petrarch had our whole admiration, while +Tassoni and Muratori, who had been his critics, were the special +objects of our contempt. We were such fast friends, after four days +of acquaintance, that we were actually jealous of each other, and to +such an extent that if either of us walked about with any seminarist, +the other would be angry and sulk like a disappointed lover. + +The dormitory was placed under the supervision of a lay friar, and it +was his province to keep us in good order. After supper, accompanied +by this lay friar, who had the title of prefect, we all proceeded to +the dormitory. There, everyone had to go to his own bed, and to +undress quietly after having said his prayers in a low voice. When +all the pupils were in bed, the prefect would go to his own. A large +lantern lighted up the dormitory, which had the shape of a +parallelogram eighty yards by ten. The beds were placed at equal +distances, and to each bed there were a fold-stool, a chair, and room +for the trunk of the Seminarist. At one end was the washing place, +and at the other the bed of the prefect. The bed of my friend was +opposite mine, and the lantern was between us. + +The principal duty of the prefect was to take care that no pupil +should go and sleep with one of his comrades, for such a visit was +never supposed an innocent one. It was a cardinal sin, and, bed +being accounted the place for sleep and not for conversation, it was +admitted that a pupil who slept out of his own bed, did so only for +immoral purposes. So long as he stopped in his own bed, he could do +what he liked; so much the worse for him if he gave himself up to bad +practices. It has been remarked in Germany that it is precisely in +those institutions for young men in which the directors have taken +most pains to prevent onanism that this vice is most prevalent. + +Those who had framed the regulations in our seminary were stupid +fools, who had not the slightest knowledge of either morals or human +nature. Nature has wants which must be administered to, and Tissot +is right only as far as the abuse of nature is concerned, but this +abuse would very seldom occur if the directors exercised proper +wisdom and prudence, and if they did not make a point of forbidding +it in a special and peculiar manner; young people give way to +dangerous excesses from a sheer delight in disobedience,-- +a disposition very natural to humankind, since it began with Adam and +Eve. + +I had been in the seminary for nine or ten days, when one night I +felt someone stealing very quietly in my bed; my hand was at once +clutched, and my name whispered. I could hardly restrain my +laughter. It was my friend, who, having chanced to wake up and +finding that the lantern was out, had taken a sudden fancy to pay me +a visit. I very soon begged him to go away for fear the prefect +should be awake, for in such a case we should have found ourselves in +a very unpleasant dilemma, and most likely would have been accused of +some abominable offence. As I was giving him that good advice we +heard someone moving, and my friend made his escape; but immediately +after he had left me I heard the fall of some person, and at the same +time the hoarse voice of the prefect exclaiming: + +"Ah, villain! wait until to-morrow--until to-morrow!" + +After which threat he lighted the lantern and retired to his couch. + +The next morning, before the ringing of the bell for rising, the +rector, followed by the prefect, entered the dormitory, and said to +us: + +"Listen to me, all of you. You are aware of what has taken place +this last night. Two amongst you must be guilty; but I wish to +forgive them, and to save their honour I promise that their names +shall not be made public. I expect every one of you to come to me +for confession before recess." + +He left the dormitory, and we dressed ourselves. In the afternoon, +in obedience to his orders, we all went to him and confessed, after +which ceremony we repaired to the garden, where my friend told me +that, having unfortunately met the prefect after he left me, he had +thought that the best way was to knock him down, in order to get time +to reach his own bed without being known. + +"And now," I said, "you are certain of being forgiven, for, of +course, you have wisely confessed your error?" + +"You are joking," answered my friend; "why, the good rector would not +have known any more than he knows at present, even if my visit to you +had been paid with a criminal intent." + +"Then you must have made a false confession: you are at all events +guilty of disobedience?" + +"That may be, but the rector is responsible for the guilt, as he used +compulsion." + +"My dear friend, you argue in a very forcible way, and the very +reverend rector must by this time be satisfied that the inmates of +our dormitory are more learned than he is himself." + +No more would have been said about the adventure if, a few nights +after, I had not in my turn taken a fancy to return the visit paid by +my friend. Towards midnight, having had occasion to get out of bed, +and hearing the loud snoring of the prefect, I quickly put out the +lantern and went to lie beside my friend. He knew me at once, and +gladly received me; but we both listened attentively to the snoring +of our keeper, and when it ceased, understanding our danger, I got up +and reached my own bed without losing a second, but the moment I got +to it I had a double surprise. In the first place I felt somebody +lying in my bed, and in the second I saw the prefect, with a candle +in his hand, coming along slowly and taking a survey of all the beds +right and left. I could understand the prefect suddenly lighting a +candle, but how could I realize what I saw--namely, one of my +comrades sleeping soundly in my bed, with his back turned to me? I +immediately made up my mind to feign sleep. After two or three +shakings given by the prefect, I pretended to wake up, and my bed- +companion woke up in earnest. Astonished at finding himself in my +bed, he offered me an apology: + +"I have made a mistake," he said, "as I returned from a certain place +in the dark, I found your bed empty, and mistook it for mine." + +"Very likely," I answered; "I had to get up, too." + +"Yes," remarked the prefect; "but how does it happen that you went to +bed without making any remark when, on your return, you found your +bed already tenanted? And how is it that, being in the dark, you did +not suppose that you were mistaken yourself?" + +"I could not be mistaken, for I felt the pedestal of this crucifix of +mine, and I knew I was right; as to my companion here, I did not feel +him." + +"It is all very unlikely," answered our Argus; and he went to the +lantern, the wick of which he found crushed down. + +"The wick has been forced into the oil, gentlemen; it has not gone +out of itself; it has been the handiwork of one of you, but it will +be seen to in the morning." + +My stupid companion went to his own bed, the prefect lighted the lamp +and retired to his rest, and after this scene, which had broken the +repose of every pupil, I quietly slept until the appearance of the +rector, who, at the dawn of day, came in great fury, escorted by his +satellite, the prefect. + +The rector, after examining the localities and submitting to a +lengthy interrogatory first my accomplice, who very naturally was +considered as the most guilty, and then myself, whom nothing could +convict of the offence, ordered us to get up and go to church to +attend mass. As soon as we were dressed, he came back, and +addressing us both, he said, kindly: + +"You stand both convicted of a scandalous connivance, and it is +proved by the fact of the lantern having been wilfully extinguished. +I am disposed to believe that the cause of all this disorder is, if +not entirely innocent, at least due only to extreme thoughtlessness; +but the scandal given to all your comrades, the outrage offered to +the discipline and to the established rules of the seminary, call +loudly for punishment. Leave the room." + +We obeyed; but hardly were we between the double doors of the +dormitory than we were seized by four servants, who tied our hands +behind us, and led us to the class room, where they compelled us to +kneel down before the great crucifix. The rector told them to +execute his orders, and, as we were in that position, the wretches +administered to each of us seven or eight blows with a stick, or with +a rope, which I received, as well as my companion, without a murmur. +But the moment my hands were free, I asked the rector whether I could +write two lines at the very foot of the cross. He gave orders to +bring ink and paper, and I traced the following words: + +"I solemnly swear by this God that I have never spoken to the +seminarist who was found in my bed. As an innocent person I must +protest against this shameful violence. I shall appeal to the +justice of his lordship the patriarch." + +My comrade in misery signed this protest with me; after which, +addressing myself to all the pupils, I read it aloud, calling upon +them to speak the truth if any one could say the contrary of what I +had written. They, with one voice, immediately declared that we had +never been seen conversing together, and that no one knew who had put +the lamp out. The rector left the room in the midst of hisses and +curses, but he sent us to prison all the same at the top of the house +and in separate cells. An hour afterwards, I had my bed, my trunk +and all my things, and my meals were brought to me every day. On the +fourth day, the Abbe Tosello came for me with instructions to bring +me to Venice. I asked him whether he had sifted this unpleasant +affair; he told me that he had enquired into it, that he had seen the +other seminarist, and that he believed we were both innocent; but the +rector would not confess himself in the wrong, and he did not see +what could be done. + +I threw off my seminarist's habit, and dressed myself in the clothes +I used to wear in Venice, and, while my luggage was carried to a +boat, I accompanied the abbe to M. Grimani's gondola in which he had +come, and we took our departure. On our way, the abbe ordered the +boatman to leave my things at the Palace Grimani, adding that he was +instructed by M. Grimani to tell me that, if I had the audacity to +present myself at his mansion, his servants had received orders to +turn me away. + +He landed me near the convent of the Jesuits, without any money, and +with nothing but what I had on my back. + +I went to beg a dinner from Madame Manzoni, who laughed heartily at +the realization of her prediction. After dinner I called upon M. +Rosa to see whether the law could protect me against the tyranny of +my enemies, and after he had been made acquainted with the +circumstances of the case, he promised to bring me the same evening, +at Madame Orio's house, an extra-judicial act. I repaired to the +place of appointment to wait for him, and to enjoy the pleasure of my +two charming friends at my sudden reappearance. It was indeed very +great, and the recital of my adventures did not astonish them less +than my unexpected presence. M. Rosa came and made me read the act +which he had prepared; he had not had time to have it engrossed by +the notary, but he undertook to have it ready the next day. + +I left Madame Orio to take supper with my brother Francois, who +resided with a painter called Guardi; he was, like me, much oppressed +by the tyranny of Grimani, and I promised to deliver him. Towards +midnight I returned to the two amiable sisters who were expecting me +with their usual loving impatience, but, I am bound to confess it +with all humility, my sorrows were prejudicial to love in spite of +the fortnight of absence and of abstinence. They were themselves +deeply affected to see me so unhappy, and pitied me with all their +hearts. I endeavoured to console them, and assured them that all my +misery would soon come to an end, and that we would make up for lost +time. + +In the morning, having no money, and not knowing where to go, I went +to St. Mark's Library, where I remained until noon. I left it with +the intention of dining with Madame Manzoni, but I was suddenly +accosted by a soldier who informed me that someone wanted to speak to +me in a gondola to which he pointed. I answered that the person +might as well come out, but he quietly remarked that he had a friend +at hand to conduct me forcibly to the gondola, if necessary, and +without any more hesitation I went towards it. I had a great dislike +to noise or to anything like a public exhibition. I might have +resisted, for the soldiers were unarmed, and I would not have been +taken up, this sort of arrest not being legal in Venice, but I did +not think of it. The 'sequere deum' was playing its part; I felt no +reluctance. Besides, there are moments in which a courageous man has +no courage, or disdains to shew it. + +I enter the gondola, the curtain is drawn aside, and I see my evil +genius, Razetta, with an officer. The two soldiers sit down at the +prow; I recognize M. Grimani's own gondola, it leaves the landing and +takes the direction of the Lido. No one spoke to me, and I remained +silent. After half-an-hour's sailing, the gondola stopped before the +small entrance of the Fortress St. Andre, at the mouth of the +Adriatic, on the very spot where the Bucentaur stands, when, on +Ascension Day, the doge comes to espouse the sea. + +The sentinel calls the corporal; we alight, the officer who +accompanied me introduces me to the major, and presents a letter to +him. The major, after reading its contents, gives orders to M. Zen, +his adjutant, to consign me to the guard-house. In another quarter +of an hour my conductors take their departure, and M. Zen brings me +three livres and a half, stating that I would receive the same amount +every week. It was exactly the pay of a private. + +I did not give way to any burst of passion, but I felt the most +intense indignation. Late in the evening I expressed a wish to have +some food bought, for I could not starve; then, stretching myself +upon a hard camp bed, I passed the night amongst the soldiers without +closing my eyes, for these Sclavonians were singing, eating garlic, +smoking a bad tobacco which was most noxious, and drinking a wine of +their own country, as black as ink, which nobody else could swallow. + +Early next morning Major Pelodoro (the governor of the fortress) +called me up to his room, and told me that, in compelling me to spend +the night in the guard-house, he had only obeyed the orders he had +received from Venice from the secretary of war. "Now, reverend sir," +he added, "my further orders are only to keep you a prisoner in the +fort, and I am responsible for your remaining here. I give you the +whole of the fortress for your prison. You shall have a good room in +which you will find your bed and all your luggage. Walk anywhere you +please; but recollect that, if you should escape, you would cause my +ruin. I am sorry that my instructions are to give you only ten sous +a day, but if you have any friends in Venice able to send you some +money, write to them, and trust to me for the security of your +letters. Now you may go to bed, if you need rest." + +I was taken to my room; it was large and on the first story, with two +windows from which I had a very fine view. I found my bed, and I +ascertained with great satisfaction that my trunk, of which I had the +keys, had not been forced open. The major had kindly supplied my +table with all the implements necessary for writing. A Sclavonian +soldier informed me very politely that he would attend upon me, and +that I would pay him for his services whenever I could, for everyone +knew that I had only ten sous a day. I began by ordering some soup, +and, when I had dispatched it, I went to bed and slept for nine +hours. When I woke, I received an invitation to supper from the +major, and I began to imagine that things, after all, would not be so +very bad. + +I went to the honest governor, whom I found in numerous company. He +presented me to his wife and to every person present. I met there +several officers, the chaplain of the fortress, a certain Paoli Vida, +one of the singers of St. Mark's Church, and his wife, a pretty +woman, sister-in-law of the major, whom the husband chose to confine +in the fort because he was very jealous (jealous men are not +comfortable at Venice), together with several other ladies, not very +young, but whom I thought very agreeable, owing to their kind +welcome. + +Cheerful as I was by nature, those pleasant guests easily managed to +put me in the best of humours. Everyone expressed a wish to know the +reasons which could have induced M. Grimani to send me to the +fortress, so I gave a faithful account of all my adventures since my +grandmother's death. I spoke for three hours without any bitterness, +and even in a pleasant tone, upon things which, said in a different +manner, might have displeased my audience; all expressed their +satisfaction, and shewed so much sympathy that, as we parted for the +night, I received from all an assurance of friendship and the offer +of their services. This is a piece of good fortune which has never +failed me whenever I have been the victim of oppression, until I +reached the age of fifty. Whenever I met with honest persons +expressing a curiosity to know the history of the misfortune under +which I was labouring, and whenever I satisfied their curiosity, I +have inspired them with friendship, and with that sympathy which was +necessary to render them favourable and useful to me. + +That success was owing to a very simple artifice; it was only to tell +my story in a quiet and truthful manner, without even avoiding the +facts which told against me. It is simple secret that many men do +not know, because the larger portion of humankind is composed of +cowards; a man who always tells the truth must be possessed of great +moral courage. Experience has taught me that truth is a talisman, +the charm of which never fails in its effect, provided it is not +wasted upon unworthy people, and I believe that a guilty man, who +candidly speaks the truth to his judge, has a better chance of being +acquitted, than the innocent man who hesitates and evades true +statements. Of course the speaker must be young, or at least in the +prime of manhood; for an old man finds the whole of nature combined +against him. + +The major had his joke respecting the visit paid and returned to the +seminarist's bed, but the chaplain and the ladies scolded him. The +major advised me to write out my story and send it to the secretary +of war, undertaking that he should receive it, and he assured me that +he would become my protector. All the ladies tried to induce me to +follow the major's advice. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +My Short Stay in Fort St. Andre--My First Repentance in Love Affairs +I Enjoy the Sweets of Revenge, and Prove a Clever Alibi--Arrest of +Count Bonafede--My Release--Arrival of the Bishop--Farewell to Venice + + +The fort, in which the Republic usually kept only a garrison of one +hundred half-pay Sclavonians, happened to contain at that time two +thousand Albanian soldiers, who were called Cimariotes. + +The secretary of war, who was generally known under the title of +'sage a l'ecriture', had summoned these men from the East in +consequence of some impending promotion, as he wanted the officers to +be on the spot in order to prove their merits before being rewarded. +They all came from the part of Epirus called Albania, which belongs +to the Republic of Venice, and they had distinguished themselves in +the last war against the Turks. It was for me a new and +extraordinary sight to examine some eighteen or twenty officers, all +of an advanced age, yet strong and healthy, shewing the scars which +covered their face and their chest, the last naked and entirely +exposed through military pride. The lieutenant-colonel was +particularly conspicuous by his wounds, for, without exaggeration, he +had lost one-fourth of his head. He had but one eye, but one ear, +and no jaw to speak of. Yet he could eat very well, speak without +difficulty, and was very cheerful. He had with him all his family, +composed of two pretty daughters, who looked all the prettier in +their national costume, and of seven sons, every one of them a +soldier. This lieutenant-colonel stood six feet high, and his figure +was magnificent, but his scars so completely deformed his features +that his face was truly horrid to look at. Yet I found so much +attraction in him that I liked him the moment I saw him, and I would +have been much pleased to converse with him if his breath had not +sent forth such a strong smell of garlic. All the Albanians had +their pockets full of it, and they enjoyed a piece of garlic with as +much relish as we do a sugar-plum. After this none can maintain it +to be a poison, though the only medicinal virtue it possesses is to +excite the appetite, because it acts like a tonic upon a weak +stomach. + +The lieutenant-colonel could not read, but he was not ashamed of his +ignorance, because not one amongst his men, except the priest and the +surgeon, could boast greater learning. Every man, officer or +private, had his purse full of gold; half of them, at least, were +married, and we had in the fortress a colony of five or six hundred +women, with God knows how many children! I felt greatly interested +in them all. Happy idleness! I often regret thee because thou hast +often offered me new sights, and for the same reason I hate old age +which never offers but what I know already, unless I should take up a +gazette, but I cared nothing for them in my young days. + +Alone in my room I made an inventory of my trunk, and having put +aside everything of an ecclesiastical character, I sent for a Jew, +and sold the whole parcel unmercifully. Then I wrote to M. Rosa, +enclosing all the tickets of the articles I had pledged, requesting +him to have them sold without any exception, and to forward me the +surplus raised by the sale. Thanks to that double operation, I was +enabled to give my Sclavonian servant the ten sous allowed to me +every day. Another soldier, who had been a hair-dresser, took care +of my hair which I had been compelled to neglect, in consequence of +the rules of the seminary. I spent my time in walking about the fort +and through the barracks, and my two places of resort were the +major's apartment for some intellectual enjoyment, and the rooms of +the Albanian lieutenant-colonel for a sprinkling of love. The +Albanian feeling certain that his colonel would be appointed +brigadier, solicited the command of the regiment, but he had a rival +and he feared his success. I wrote him a petition, short, but so +well composed that the secretary of war, having enquired the name of +the author, gave the Albanian his colonelcy. On his return to the +fort, the brave fellow, overjoyed at his success, hugged me in his +arms, saying that he owed it all to me; he invited me to a family +dinner, in which my very soul was parched by his garlic, and he +presented me with twelve botargoes and two pounds of excellent +Turkish tobacco. + +The result of my petition made all the other officers think that they +could not succeed without the assistance of my pen, and I willingly +gave it to everybody; this entailed many quarrels upon me, for I +served all interests, but, finding myself the lucky possessor of some +forty sequins, I was no longer in dread of poverty, and laughed at +everything. However, I met with an accident which made me pass six +weeks in a very unpleasant condition. + +On the 2nd of April, the fatal anniversary of my first appearance in +this world, as I was getting up in the morning, I received in my room +the visit of a very handsome Greek woman, who told me that her +husband, then ensign in the regiment, had every right to claim the +rank of lieutenant, and that he would certainly be appointed, if it +were not for the opposition of his captain who was against him, +because she had refused him certain favours which she could bestow +only upon her husband. She handed me some certificates, and begged +me to write a petition which she would present herself to the +secretary of war, adding that she could only offer me her heart in +payment. I answered that her heart ought not to go alone; I acted as +I had spoken, and I met with no other resistance than the objection +which a pretty woman is always sure to feign for the sake of +appearance. After that, I told her to come back at noon, and that +the petition would be ready. She was exact to the appointment, and +very kindly rewarded me a second time; and in the evening, under +pretence of some alterations to be made in the petition, she afforded +an excellent opportunity of reaping a third recompense. + +But, alas! the path of pleasure is not strewn only with roses! On +the third day, I found out, much to my dismay, that a serpent had +been hid under the flowers. Six weeks of care and of rigid diet re- +established my health. + +When I met the handsome Greek again, I was foolish enough to reproach +her for the present she had bestowed upon me, but she baffled me by +laughing, and saying that she had only offered me what she possessed, +and that it was my own fault if I had not been sufficiently careful. +The reader cannot imagine how much this first misfortune grieved me, +and what deep shame I felt. I looked upon myself as a dishonoured +man, and while I am on that subject I may as well relate an incident +which will give some idea of my thoughtlessness. + +Madame Vida, the major's sister-in-law, being alone with me one +morning, confided in me in a moment of unreserved confidence what she +had to suffer from the jealous disposition of her husband, and his +cruelty in having allowed her to sleep alone for the last four years, +when she was in the very flower of her age. + +"I trust to God," she added, "that my husband will not find out that +you have spent an hour alone with me, for I should never hear the end +of it." + +Feeling deeply for her grief, and confidence begetting confidence, I +was stupid enough to tell her the sad state to which I had been +reduced by the cruel Greek woman, assuring her that I felt my misery +all the more deeply, because I should have been delighted to console +her, and to give her the opportunity of a revenge for her jealous +husband's coldness. At this speech, in which my simplicity and good +faith could easily be traced, she rose from her chair, and upbraided +me with every insult which an outraged honest woman might hurl at the +head of a bold libertine who has presumed too far. Astounded, but +understanding perfectly well the nature of my crime, I bowed myself +out of her room; but as I was leaving it she told me in the same +angry tone that my visits would not be welcome for the future, as I +was a conceited puppy, unworthy of the society of good and +respectable women. I took care to answer that a respectable woman +would have been rather more reserved than she had been in her +confidences. On reflection I felt pretty sure that, if I had been in +good health, or had said nothing about my mishap, she would have been +but too happy to receive my consolations. + +A few days after that incident I had a much greater cause to regret +my acquaintance with the Greek woman. On Ascension Day, as the +ceremony of the Bucentaur was celebrated near the fort, M. Rosa +brought Madame Orio and her two nieces to witness it, and I had the +pleasure of treating them all to a good dinner in my room. I found +myself, during the day, alone with my young friends in one of the +casements, and they both loaded me with the most loving caresses and +kisses. I felt that they expected some substantial proof of my love; +but, to conceal the real state, of things, I pretended to be afraid +of being surprised, and they had to be satisfied with my shallow +excuse. + +I had informed my mother by letter of all I had suffered from +Grimani's treatment; she answered that she had written to him on the +subject, that she had no doubt he would immediately set me at +liberty, and that an arrangement had been entered into by which M. +Grimani would devote the money raised by Razetta from the sale of the +furniture to the settlement of a small patrimony on my youngest +brother. But in this matter Grimani did not act honestly, for the +patrimony was only settled thirteen years afterwards, and even then +only in a fictitious manner. I shall have an opportunity later on of +mentioning this unfortunate brother, who died very poor in Rome +twenty years ago. + +Towards the middle of June the Cimariotes were sent back to the East, +and after their departure the garrison of the fort was reduced to its +usual number. I began to feel weary in this comparative solitude, +and I gave way to terrible fits of passion. + +The heat was intense, and so disagreeable to me that I wrote to M. +Grimani, asking for two summer suits of clothes, and telling him +where they would be found, if Razetta had not sold them. A week +afterwards I was in the major's apartment when I saw the wretch +Razetta come in, accompanied by a man whom he introduced as Petrillo, +the celebrated favourite of the Empress of Russia, just arrived from +St. Petersburg. He ought to have said infamous instead of +celebrated, and clown instead of favourite. + +The major invited them to take a seat, and Razetta, receiving a +parcel from Grimani's gondolier, handed it to me, saying, + +"I have brought you your rags; take them." + +I answered: + +"Some day I will bring you a 'rigano':" + +At these words the scoundrel dared to raise his cane, but the +indignant major compelled him to lower his tone by asking him whether +he had any wish to pass the night in the guard-house. Petrillo, who +had not yet opened his lips, told me then that he was sorry not to +have found me in Venice, as I might have shewn him round certain +places which must be well known to me. + +"Very likely we should have met your wife in such places," +I answered. + +"I am a good judge of faces," he said, "and I can see that you are a +true gallows-bird." + +I was trembling with rage, and the major, who shared my utter +disgust, told them that he had business to transact, and they took +their leave. The major assured me that on the following day he would +go to the war office to complain of Razetta, and that he would have +him punished for his insolence. + +I remained alone, a prey to feelings of the deepest indignation, and +to a most ardent thirst for revenge. + +The fortress was entirely surrounded by water, and my windows were +not overlooked by any of the sentinels. A boat coming under my +windows could therefore easily take me to Venice during the night and +bring me back to the fortress before day-break. All that was +necessary was to find a boatman who, for a certain amount, would risk +the galleys in case of discovery. Amongst several who brought +provisions to the fort, I chose a boatman whose countenance pleased +me, and I offered him one sequin; he promised to let me know his +decision on the following day. He was true to his time, and declared +himself ready to take me. He informed me that, before deciding to +serve me, he had wished to know whether I was kept in the fort for +any great crime, but as the wife of the major had told him that my +imprisonment had been caused by very trifling frolics, I could rely +upon him. We arranged that he should be under my window at the +beginning of the night, and that his boat should be provided with a +mast long enough to enable me to slide along it from the window to +the boat. + +The appointed hour came, and everything being ready I got safely into +the boat, landed at the Sclavonian quay, ordered the boatman to wait +for me, and wrapped up in a mariner's cloak I took my way straight to +the gate of Saint-Sauveur, and engaged the waiter of a coffee-room to +take me to Razetta's house. + +Being quite certain that he would not be at home at that time, I rang +the bell, and I heard my sister's voice telling me that if I wanted +to see him I must call in the morning. Satisfied with this, I went +to the foot of the bridge and sat down, waiting there to see which +way he would come, and a few minutes before midnight I saw him +advancing from the square of Saint-Paul. It was all I wanted to +know; I went back to my boat and returned to the fort without any +difficulty. At five o'clock in the morning everyone in the garrison +could see me enjoying my walk on the platform. + +Taking all the time necessary to mature my plans, I made the +following arrangements to secure my revenge with perfect safety, and +to prove an alibi in case I should kill my rascally enemy, as it was +my intention to do. The day preceding the night fixed for my +expedition, I walked about with the son of the Adjutant Zen, who was +only twelve years old, but who amused me much by his shrewdness. The +reader will meet him again in the year 1771. As I was walking with +him, I jumped down from one of the bastions, and feigned to sprain my +ankle. Two soldiers carried me to my room, and the surgeon of the +fort, thinking that I was suffering from a luxation, ordered me to +keep to bed, and wrapped up the ankle in towels saturated with +camphorated spirits of wine. Everybody came to see me, and I +requested the soldier who served me to remain and to sleep in my +room. I knew that a glass of brandy was enough to stupefy the man, +and to make him sleep soundly. As soon as I saw him fast asleep, I +begged the surgeon and the chaplain, who had his room over mine, to +leave me, and at half-past ten I lowered myself in the boat. + +As soon as I reached Venice, I bought a stout cudgel, and I sat +myself down on a door-step, at the corner of the street near Saint- +Paul's Square. A narrow canal at the end of the street, was, I +thought, the very place to throw my enemy in. That canal has now +disappeared. + +At a quarter before twelve I see Razetta, walking along leisurely. I +come out of the street with rapid strides, keeping near the wall to +compel him to make room for me, and I strike a first blow on the +head, and a second on his arm; the third blow sends him tumbling in +the canal, howling and screaming my name. At the same instant a +Forlan, or citizen of Forli, comes out of a house on my left side +with a lantern in his hand. A blow from my cudgel knocks the lantern +out of his grasp, and the man, frightened out of his wits, takes to +his heels. I throw away my stick, I run at full speed through the +square and over the bridge, and while people are hastening towards +the spot where the disturbance had taken place, I jump into the boat, +and, thanks to a strong breeze swelling our sail, I get back to the +fortress. Twelve o'clock was striking as I re-entered my room +through the window. I quickly undress myself, and the moment I am in +my bed I wake up the soldier by my loud screams, telling him to go +for the surgeon, as I am dying of the colic. + +The chaplain, roused by my screaming, comes down and finds me in +convulsions. In the hope that some diascordium would relieve me, the +good old man runs to his room and brings it, but while he has gone +for some water I hide the medicine. After half an hour of wry faces, +I say that I feel much better, and thanking all my friends, I beg +them to retire, which everyone does, wishing me a quiet sleep. + +The next morning I could not get up in consequence of my sprained +ankle, although I had slept very well; the major was kind enough to +call upon me before going to Venice, and he said that very likely my +colic had been caused by the melon I had eaten for my dinner the day +before. + +The major returned at one o'clock in the afternoon. "I have good +news to give you," he said to me, with a joyful laugh. "Razetta was +soundly cudgelled last night and thrown into a canal." + +"Has he been killed?" + +"No; but I am glad of it for your sake, for his death would make your +position much more serious. You are accused of having done it." + +"I am very glad people think me guilty; it is something of a revenge, +but it will be rather difficult to bring it home to me." + +"Very difficult! All the same, Razetta swears he recognized you, and +the same declaration is made by the Forlan who says that you struck +his hand to make him drop his lantern. Razetta's nose is broken, +three of his teeth are gone, and his right arm is severely hurt. You +have been accused before the avogador, and M. Grimani has written to +the war office to complain of your release from the fortress without +his knowledge. I arrived at the office just in time. The secretary +was reading Grimani's letter, and I assured his excellency that it +was a false report, for I left you in bed this morning, suffering +from a sprained ankle. I told him likewise that at twelve o'clock +last night you were very near death from a severe attack of colic." + +"Was it at midnight that Razetta was so well treated?" + +"So says the official report. The war secretary wrote at once to M. +Grimani and informed him that you have not left the fort, and that +you are even now detained in it, and that the plaintiff is at +liberty, if he chooses, to send commissaries to ascertain the fact. +Therefore, my dear abbe, you must prepare yourself for an +interrogatory." + +"I expect it, and I will answer that I am very sorry to be innocent." + +Three days afterwards, a commissary came to the fort with a clerk of +the court, and the proceedings were soon over. Everybody knew that I +had sprained my ankle; the chaplain, the surgeon, my body-servant, +and several others swore that at midnight I was in bed suffering from +colic. My alibi being thoroughly proved, the avogador sentenced +Razetta and the Forlan to pay all expenses without prejudice to my +rights of action. + +After this judgment, the major advised me to address to the secretary +of war a petition which he undertook to deliver himself, and to claim +my release from the fort. I gave notice of my proceedings to M. +Grimani, and a week afterwards the major told me that I was free, and +that he would himself take me to the abbe. It was at dinnertime, and +in the middle of some amusing conversation, that he imparted that +piece of information. Not supposing him to be in earnest, and in +order to keep up the joke, I told him very politely that I preferred +his house to Venice, and that, to prove it, I would be happy to +remain a week longer, if he would grant me permission to do so. I +was taken at my word, and everybody seemed very pleased. But when, +two hours later, the news was confirmed, and I could no longer doubt +the truth of my release, I repented the week which I had so foolishly +thrown away as a present to the major; yet I had not the courage to +break my word, for everybody, and particularly his wife, had shown +such unaffected pleasure, it would have been contemptible of me to +change my mind. The good woman knew that I owed her every kindness +which I had enjoyed, and she might have thought me ungrateful. + +But I met in the fort with a last adventure, which I must not forget +to relate. + +On the following day, an officer dressed in the national uniform +called upon the major, accompanied by an elderly man of about sixty +years of age, wearing a sword, and, presenting to the major a +dispatch with the seal of the war office, he waited for an answer, +and went away as soon as he had received one from the governor. + +After the officer had taken leave, the major, addressing himself to +the elderly gentleman, to whom he gave the title of count, told him +that his orders were to keep him a prisoner, and that he gave him the +whole of the fort for his prison. The count offered him his sword, +but the major nobly refused to take it, and escorted him to the room +he was to occupy. Soon after, a servant in livery brought a bed and +a trunk, and the next morning the same servant, knocking at my door, +told me that his master begged the honour of my company to breakfast. +I accepted the invitation, and he received me with these words: + +"Dear sir, there has been so much talk in Venice about the skill with +which you proved your incredible alibi, that I could not help asking +for the honour of your acquaintance." + +"But, count, the alibi being a true one, there can be no skill +required to prove it. Allow me to say that those who doubt its truth +are paying me a very poor compliment, for--" + +"Never mind; do not let us talk any more of that, and forgive me. +But as we happen to be companions in misfortune, I trust you will not +refuse me your friendship. Now for breakfast." + +After our meal, the count, who had heard from me some portion of my +history, thought that my confidence called for a return on his part, +and he began: "I am the Count de Bonafede. In my early days I served +under Prince Eugene, but I gave up the army, and entered on a civil +career in Austria. I had to fly from Austria and take refuge in +Bavaria in consequence of an unfortunate duel. In Munich I made the +acquaintance of a young lady belonging to a noble family; I eloped +with her and brought her to Venice, where we were married. I have +now been twenty years in Venice. I have six children, and everybody +knows me. About a week ago I sent my servant to the postoffice for +my letters, but they were refused him because he had not any money to +pay the postage. I went myself, but the clerk would not deliver me +my letters, although I assured him that I would pay for them the next +time. This made me angry, and I called upon the Baron de Taxis, the +postmaster, and complained of the clerk, but he answered very rudely +that the clerk had simply obeyed his orders, and that my letters +would only be delivered on payment of the postage. I felt very +indignant, but as I was in his house I controlled my anger, went +home, and wrote a note to him asking him to give me satisfaction for +his rudeness, telling him that I would never go out without my sword, +and that I would force him to fight whenever and wherever I should +meet him. I never came across him, but yesterday I was accosted by +the secretary of the inquisitors, who told me that I must forget the +baron's rude conduct, and go under the guidance of an officer whom he +pointed out to me, to imprison myself for a week in this fortress. I +shall thus have the pleasure of spending that time with you." + +I told him that I had been free for the last twenty-four hours, but +that to shew my gratitude for his friendly confidence I would feel +honoured if he would allow me to keep him company. As I had already +engaged myself with the major, this was only a polite falsehood. + +In the afternoon I happened to be with him on the tower of the fort, +and pointed out a gondola advancing towards the lower gate; he took +his spy-glass and told me that it was his wife and daughter coming to +see him. We went to meet the ladies, one of whom might once have +been worth the trouble of an elopement; the other, a young person +between fourteen and sixteen, struck me as a beauty of a new style. +Her hair was of a beautiful light auburn, her eyes were blue and very +fine, her nose a Roman, and her pretty mouth, half-open and laughing, +exposed a set of teeth as white as her complexion, although a +beautiful rosy tint somewhat veiled the whiteness of the last. Her +figure was so slight that it seemed out of nature, but her perfectly- +formed breast appeared an altar on which the god of love would have +delighted to breathe the sweetest incense. This splendid chest was, +however, not yet well furnished, but in my imagination I gave her all +the embonpoint which might have been desired, and I was so pleased +that I could not take my looks from her. I met her eyes, and her +laughing countenance seemed to say to me: "Only wait for two years, +at the utmost, and all that your imagination is now creating will +then exist in reality." + +She was elegantly dressed in the prevalent fashion, with large hoops, +and like the daughters of the nobility who have not yet attained the +age of puberty, although the young countess was marriageable. I had +never dared to stare so openly at the bosom of a young lady of +quality, but I thought there was no harm in fixing my eyes on a spot +where there was nothing yet but in expectation. + +The count, after having exchanged a few words in German with his +wife, presented me in the most flattering manner, and I was received +with great politeness. The major joined us, deeming it his duty to +escort the countess all over the fortress, and I improved the +excellent opportunity thrown in my way by the inferiority of my +position; I offered my arm to the young lady, and the count left us +to go to his room. + +I was still an adept in the old Venetian fashion of attending upon +ladies, and the young countess thought me rather awkward, though I +believed myself very fashionable when I placed my hand under her arm, +but she drew it back in high merriment. Her mother turned round to +enquire what she was laughing at, and I was terribly confused when I +heard her answer that I had tickled her. + +"This is the way to offer your arm to a lady," she said, and she +passed her hand through my arm, which I rounded in the most clumsy +manner, feeling it a very difficult task to resume a dignified +countenance. Thinking me a novice of the most innocent species, she +very likely determined to make sport of me. She began by remarking +that by rounding my arm as I had done I placed it too far from her +waist, and that I was consequently out of drawing. I told her I did +not know how to draw, and inquired whether it was one of her +accomplishments. + +"I am learning," she answered, "and when you call upon us I will shew +you Adam and Eve, after the Chevalier Liberi; I have made a copy +which has been found very fine by some professors, although they did +not know it was my work." + +"Why did you not tell them?" + +"Because those two figures are too naked." + +"I am not curious to see your Adam, but I will look at your Eve with +pleasure, and keep your secret." + +This answer made her laugh again, and again her mother turned round. +I put on the look of a simpleton, for, seeing the advantage I could +derive from her opinion of me, I had formed my plan at the very +moment she tried to teach me how to offer my arm to a lady. + +She was so convinced of my simplicity that she ventured to say that +she considered her Adam by far more beautiful than her Eve, because +in her drawing of the man she had omitted nothing, every muscle being +visible, while there was none conspicuous in Eve. "It is," she +added, "a figure with nothing in it." + +"Yet it is the one which I shall like best." + +"No; believe me, Adam will please you most." + +This conversation had greatly excited me. I had on a pair of linen +breeches, the weather being very warm.... I was afraid of the major +and the countess, who were a few yards in front of us, turning round +.... I was on thorns. To make matters worse, the young lady +stumbled, one of her shoes slipped off, and presenting me her pretty +foot she asked me to put the shoe right. I knelt on the ground, and, +very likely without thinking, she lifted up her skirt.... she had +very wide hoops and no petticoat.... what I saw was enough to strike +me dead on the spot.... When I rose, she asked if anything was the +matter with me. + +A moment after, coming out of one of the casemates, her head-dress +got slightly out of order, and she begged that I would remedy the +accident, but, having to bend her head down, the state in which I was +could no longer remain a secret for her. In order to avoid greater +confusion to both of us, she enquired who had made my watch ribbon; I +told her it was a present from my sister, and she desired to examine +it, but when I answered her that it was fastened to the fob-pocket, +and found that she disbelieved me, I added that she could see for +herself. She put her hand to it, and a natural but involuntary +excitement caused me to be very indiscreet. She must have felt +vexed, for she saw that she had made a mistake in her estimate of my +character; she became more timid, she would not laugh any more, and +we joined her mother and the major who was shewing her, in a sentry- +box, the body of Marshal de Schulenburg which had been deposited +there until the mausoleum erected for him was completed. As for +myself, I felt deeply ashamed. I thought myself the first man who +had alarmed her innocence, and I felt ready to do anything to atone +for the insult. + +Such was my delicacy of feeling in those days. I used to credit +people with exalted sentiments, which often existed only in my +imagination. I must confess that time has entirely destroyed that +delicacy; yet I do not believe myself worse than other men, my equals +in age and inexperience. + +We returned to the count's apartment, and the day passed off rather +gloomily. Towards evening the ladies went away, but the countess +gave me a pressing invitation to call upon them in Venice. + +The young lady, whom I thought I had insulted, had made such a deep +impression upon me that the seven following days seemed very long; +yet I was impatient to see her again only that I might entreat her +forgiveness, and convince her of my repentance. + +The following day the count was visited by his son; he was plain- +featured, but a thorough gentleman, and modest withal. Twenty-five +years afterwards I met him in Spain, a cadet in the king's body- +guard. He had served as a private twenty years before obtaining this +poor promotion. The reader will hear of him in good time; I will +only mention here that when I met him in Spain, he stood me out that +I had never known him; his self-love prompted this very contemptible +lie. + +Early on the eighth day the count left the fortress, and I took my +departure the same evening, having made an appointment at a coffee- +house in St. Mark's Square with the major who was to accompany me to +M. Grimani's house. I took leave of his wife, whose memory will +always be dear to me, and she said, "I thank you for your skill in +proving your alibi, but you have also to thank me for having +understood you so well. My husband never heard anything about it +until it was all over." + +As soon as I reached Venice, I went to pay a visit to Madame Orio, +where I was made welcome. I remained to supper, and my two charming +sweethearts who were praying for the death of the bishop, gave me the +most delightful hospitality for the night. + +At noon the next day I met the major according to our appointment, +and we called upon the Abbe Grimani. He received me with the air of +a guilty man begging for mercy, and I was astounded at his stupidity +when he entreated me to forgive Razetta and his companion. He told +me that the bishop was expected very soon, and that he had ordered a +room to be ready for me, and that I could take my meals with him. +Then he introduced me to M. Valavero, a man of talent, who had just +left the ministry of war, his term of office having lasted the usual +six months. I paid my duty to him, and we kept up a kind of +desultory conversation until the departure of the major. When he had +left us M. Valavero entreated me to confess that I had been the +guilty party in the attack upon Razetta. I candidly told him that +the thrashing had been my handiwork, and I gave him all the +particulars, which amused him immensely. He remarked that, as I had +perpetrated the affair before midnight, the fools had made a mistake +in their accusation; but that, after all, the mistake had not +materially helped me in proving the alibi, because my sprained ankle, +which everybody had supposed a real accident, would of itself have +been sufficient. + +But I trust that my kind reader has not forgotten that I had a very +heavy weight upon my conscience, of which I longed to get rid. I had +to see the goddess of my fancy, to obtain my pardon, or die at her +feet. + +I found the house without difficulty; the count was not at home. The +countess received me very kindly, but her appearance caused me so +great a surprise that I did not know what to say to her. I had +fancied that I was going to visit an angel, that I would find her in +a lovely paradise, and I found myself in a large sitting-room +furnished with four rickety chairs and a dirty old table. There was +hardly any light in the room because the shutters were nearly closed. +It might have been a precaution against the heat, but I judged that +it was more probably for the purpose of concealing the windows, the +glass of which was all broken. But this visible darkness did not +prevent me from remarking that the countess was wrapped up in an old +tattered gown, and that her chemise did not shine by its cleanliness. +Seeing that I was ill at ease, she left the room, saying that she +would send her daughter, who, a few minutes afterwards, came in with +an easy and noble appearance, and told me that she had expected me +with great impatience, but that I had surprised her at a time at +which she was not in the habit of receiving any visits. + +I did not know what to answer, for she did not seem to me to be the +same person. Her miserable dishabille made her look almost ugly, and +I wondered at the impression she had produced upon me at the +fortress. She saw my surprise, and partly guessed my thoughts, for +she put on a look, not of vexation, but of sorrow which called forth +all my pity. If she had been a philosopher she might have rightly +despised me as a man whose sympathy was enlisted only by her fine +dress, her nobility, or her apparent wealth; but she endeavoured to +bring me round by her sincerity. She felt that if she could call a +little sentiment into play, it would certainly plead in her favour. + +"I see that you are astonished, reverend sir, and I know the reason +of your surprise. You expected to see great splendour here, and you +find only misery. The government allows my father but a small +salary, and there are nine of us. As we must attend church on +Sundays and holidays in a style proper to our condition, we are often +compelled to go without our dinner, in order to get out of pledge the +clothes which urgent need too often obliges us to part with, and +which we pledge anew on the following day. If we did not attend +mass, the curate would strike our names off the list of those who +share the alms of the Confraternity of the Poor, and those alms alone +keep us afloat." + +What a sad tale! She had guessed rightly. I was touched, but rather +with shame than true emotion. I was not rich myself, and, as I was +no longer in love, I only heaved a deep sigh, and remained as cold as +ice. Nevertheless, her position was painful, and I answered +politely, speaking with kindness and assuring her of my sympathy. +"Were I wealthy," I said, "I would soon shew you that your tale of +woe has not fallen on unfeeling ears; but I am poor, and, being at +the eve of my departure from Venice, even my friendship would be +useless to you." Then, after some desultory talk, I expressed a hope +that her beauty would yet win happiness for her. She seemed to +consider for a few minutes, and said, "That may happen some day, +provided that the man who feels the power of my charms understands +that they can be bestowed only with my heart, and is willing to +render me the justice I deserve; I am only looking for a lawful +marriage, without dreaming of rank or fortune; I no longer believe in +the first, and I know how to live without the second; for I have been +accustomed to poverty, and even to abject need; but you cannot +realize that. Come and see my drawings." + +"You are very good, mademoiselle." + +Alas! I was not thinking of her drawings, and I could no longer feel +interested in her Eve, but I followed her. + +We came to a chamber in which I saw a table, a chair, a small toilet- +glass and a bed with the straw palliasse turned over, very likely for +the purpose of allowing the looker-on to suppose that there were +sheets underneath, but I was particularly disgusted by a certain +smell, the cause of which was recent; I was thunderstruck, and if I +had been still in love, this antidote would have been sufficiently +powerful to cure me instanter. I wished for nothing but to make my +escape, never to return, and I regretted that I could not throw on +the table a handful of ducats, which I should have considered the +price of my ransom. + +The poor girl shewed me. her drawings; they were fine, and I praised +them, without alluding particularly to Eve, and without venturing a +joke upon Adam. I asked her, for the sake of saying something, why +she did not try to render her talent remunerative by learning pastel +drawing. + +"I wish I could," she answered, "but the box of chalks alone costs +two sequins." + +"Will you forgive me if I am bold enough to offer you six?" + +"Alas! I accept them gratefully, and to be indebted to you for such +a service makes me truly happy." + +Unable to keep back her tears, she turned her head round to conceal +them from me, and I took that opportunity of laying the money on the +table, and out of politeness, wishing to spare her every unnecessary +humiliation, I saluted her lips with a kiss which she was at liberty +to consider a loving one, as I wanted her to ascribe my reserve to +the respect I felt for her. I then left her with a promise to call +another day to see her father. I never kept my promise. The reader +will see how I met her again after ten years. + +How many thoughts crowded upon my mind as I left that house! What a +lesson! I compared reality with the imagination, and I had to give +the preference to the last, as reality is always dependent on it. I +then began to forsee a truth which has been clearly proved to me in +my after life, namely, that love is only a feeling of curiosity more +or less intense, grafted upon the inclination placed in us by nature +that the species may be preserved. And truly, woman is like a book, +which, good or bad, must at first please us by the frontispiece. If +this is not interesting, we do not feel any wish to read the book, +and our wish is in direct proportion to the interest we feel. The +frontispiece of woman runs from top to bottom like that of a book, +and her feet, which are most important to every man who shares my +taste, offer the same interest as the edition of the work. If it is +true that most amateurs bestow little or no attention upon the feet +of a woman, it is likewise a fact that most readers care little or +nothing whether a book is of the first edition or the tenth. At all +events, women are quite right to take the greatest care of their +face, of their dress, of their general appearance; for it is only by +that part of the frontispiece that they can call forth a wish to read +them in those men who have not been endowed by nature with the +privilege of blindness. And just in the same manner that men, who +have read a great many books, are certain to feel at last a desire +for perusing new works even if they are bad, a man who has known many +women, and all handsome women, feels at last a curiosity for ugly +specimens when he meets with entirely new ones. It is all very well +for his eye to discover the paint which conceals the reality, but his +passion has become a vice, and suggests some argument in favour of +the lying frontispiece. It is possible, at least he thinks so, that +the work may prove better than the title-page, and the reality more +acceptable than the paint which hides it. He then tries to peruse +the book, but the leaves have not been opened; he meets with some +resistance, the living book must be read according to established +rules, and the book-worm falls a victim to a coquetry, the monster +which persecutes all those who make a business of love. As for thee, +intelligent man, who hast read the few preceding lines, let me tell +thee that, if they do not assist in opening thy eyes, thou art lost; +I mean that thou art certain of being a victim to the fair sex to the +very last moment of thy life. If my candour does not displease thee, +accept my congratulations. In the evening I called upon Madame Orio, +as I wanted to inform her charming nieces that, being an inmate of +Grimani's house, I could not sleep out for the first night. I found +there the faithful Rosa, who told me that the affair of the alibi was +in every mouth, and that, as such celebrity was evidently caused by +a very decided belief in the untruth of the alibi itself, I ought to +fear a retaliation of the same sort on the part of Razetta, and to +keep on my guard, particularly at night. I felt all the importance of +this advice, and I took care never to go out in the evening otherwise +than in a gondola, or accompanied by some friends. Madame Manzoni +told me that I was acting wisely, because, although the judges could +not do otherwise than acquit me, everybody knew the real truth of the +matter, and Razetta could not fail to be my deadly foe. + +Three or four days afterwards M. Grimani announced the arrival of +the bishop, who had put up at the convent of his order, at Saint- +Francois de Paul. He presented me himself to the prelate as a jewel +highly prized by himself, and as if he had been the only person +worthy of descanting upon its beauty. + +I saw a fine monk wearing his pectoral cross. He would have reminded +me of Father Mancia if he had not looked stouter and less reserved. +He was about thirty-four, and had been made a bishop by the grace of +God, the Holy See, and my mother. After pronouncing over me a +blessing, which I received kneeling, and giving me his hand to kiss, +he embraced me warmly, calling me his dear son in the Latin language, +in which he continued to address me. I thought that, being a +Calabrian, he might feel ashamed of his Italian, but he undeceived me +by speaking in that language to M. Grimani. He told me that, as he +could not take me with him from Venice, I should have to proceed to +Rome, where Grimani would take care to send me, and that I would +procure his address at Ancona from one of his friends, called Lazari, +a Minim monk, who would likewise supply me with the means of +continuing my journey. + +"When we meet in Rome," he added, "we can go together to Martorano by +way of Naples. Call upon me to-morrow morning, and have your +breakfast with me. I intend to leave the day after." + +As we were on our way back to his house, M. Grimani treated me to a +long lecture on morals, which nearly caused me to burst into loud +laughter. Amongst other things, he informed me that I ought not to +study too hard, because the air in Calabria was very heavy, and I +might become consumptive from too close application to my books. + +The next morning at day-break I went to the bishop. After saying his +mass, we took some chocolate, and for three hours he laid me under +examination. I saw clearly that he was not pleased with me, but I +was well enough pleased with him. He seemed to me a worthy man, and +as he was to lead me along the great highway of the Church, I felt +attracted towards him, for, at the time, although I entertained a +good opinion of my personal appearance, I had no confidence whatever +in my talents. + +After the departure of the good bishop, M. Grimani gave me a letter +left by him, which I was to deliver to Father Lazari, at the Convent +of the Minims, in Ancona. M. Grimani informed me that he would send +me to that city with the ambassador from Venice, who was on the point +of sailing. I had therefore to keep myself in readiness, and, as I +was anxious to be out of his hands, I approved all his arrangements. +As soon as I had notice of the day on which the suite of the +ambassador would embark, I went to pay my last farewell to all my +acquaintances. I left my brother Francois in the school of M. Joli, +a celebrated decorative painter. As the peotta in which I was to +sail would not leave before daybreak, I spent the short night in the +arms of the two sisters, who, this time, entertained no hope of ever +seeing me again. On my side I could not forsee what would happen, +for I was abandoning myself to fate, and I thought it would be +useless to think of the future. The night was therefore spent +between joy and sadness, between pleasures and tears. As I bade them +adieu, I returned the key which had opened so often for me the road +to happiness. + +This, my first love affair, did not give me any experience of the +world, for our intercourse was always a happy one, and was never +disturbed by any quarrel or stained by any interested motive. We +often felt, all three of us, as if we must raise our souls towards +the eternal Providence of God, to thank Him for having, by His +particular protection, kept from us all the accidents which might +have disturbed the sweet peace we were enjoying. + +I left in the hands of Madame Manzoni all my papers, and all the +forbidden books I possessed. The good woman, who was twenty years +older than I, and who, believing in an immutable destiny, took +pleasure in turning the leaves of the great book of fate, told me +that she was certain of restoring to me all I left with her, before +the end of the following year, at the latest. Her prediction caused +me both surprise and pleasure, and feeling deep reverence for her, I +thought myself bound to assist the realization of her foresight. +After all, if she predicted the future, it was not through +superstition, or in consequence of some vain foreboding which reason +must condemn, but through her knowledge of the world, and of the +nature of the person she was addressing. She used to laugh because +she never made a mistake. + +I embarked from St: Mark's landing. M. Grimani had given me ten +sequins, which he thought would keep me during my stay in the +lazzaretto of Ancona for the necessary quarantine, after which it was +not to be supposed that I could want any money. I shared Grimani's +certainty on the subject, and with my natural thoughtlessness I cared +nothing about it. Yet I must say that, unknown to everybody, I had +in my purse forty bright sequins, which powerfully contributed to +increase my cheerfulness, and I left Venice full of joy and without +one regret. + + + + +End of this Project Gutenberg Etext of MEMOIRES OF JACQUES CASANOVA +VENETION YEARS, Vol. 1a, CHILDHOOD by Jacques Casanova de Seingalt + diff --git a/old/jccld10.zip b/old/jccld10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b41c0b9 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/jccld10.zip diff --git a/old/jccld11.txt b/old/jccld11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..22e20ba --- /dev/null +++ b/old/jccld11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7516 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext of Childhood, by Jacques Casanova +#1 in our series by Jacques Casanova de Seingalt + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.10/04/01*END* + + + + + +This etext was produced by David Widger <widger@cecomet.net> + + + + + +MEMOIRS OF JACQUES CASANOVA de SEINGALT 1725-1798 +VENETIAN YEARS, Volume 1a--CHILDHOOD + + +THE RARE UNABRIDGED LONDON EDITION OF 1894 TRANSLATED BY ARTHUR MACHEN +TO WHICH HAS BEEN ADDED THE CHAPTERS DISCOVERED BY ARTHUR SYMONS. + + + + +CONTENTS: + CASANOVA AT DUX + TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE + AUTHOR'S PREFACE + CHILDHOOD AND ADOLESCENCE + + + + +CASANOVA AT DUX + +An Unpublished Chapter of History, By Arthur Symons + + +I + +The Memoirs of Casanova, though they have enjoyed the popularity of a +bad reputation, have never had justice done to them by serious +students of literature, of life, and of history. One English writer, +indeed, Mr. Havelock Ellis, has realised that 'there are few more +delightful books in the world,' and he has analysed them in an essay +on Casanova, published in Affirmations, with extreme care and +remarkable subtlety. But this essay stands alone, at all events in +English, as an attempt to take Casanova seriously, to show him in his +relation to his time, and in his relation to human problems. And yet +these Memoirs are perhaps the most valuable document which we possess +on the society of the eighteenth century; they are the history of a +unique life, a unique personality, one of the greatest of +autobiographies; as a record of adventures, they are more +entertaining than Gil Blas, or Monte Cristo, or any of the imaginary +travels, and escapes, and masquerades in life, which have been +written in imitation of them. They tell the story of a man who loved +life passionately for its own sake: one to whom woman was, indeed, +the most important thing in the world, but to whom nothing in the +world was indifferent. The bust which gives us the most lively +notion of him shows us a great, vivid, intellectual face, full of +fiery energy and calm resource, the face of a thinker and a fighter +in one. A scholar, an adventurer, perhaps a Cabalist, a busy stirrer +in politics, a gamester, one 'born for the fairer sex,' as he tells +us, and born also to be a vagabond; this man, who is remembered now +for his written account of his own life, was that rarest kind of +autobiographer, one who did not live to write, but wrote because he +had lived, and when he could live no longer. + +And his Memoirs take one all over Europe, giving sidelights, all the +more valuable in being almost accidental, upon many of the affairs +and people most interesting to us during two-thirds of the eighteenth +century. Giacomo Casanova was born in Venice, of Spanish and Italian +parentage, on April 2, 1725; he died at the Chateau of Dux, in +Bohemia, on June 4, 1798. In that lifetime of seventy-three years he +travelled, as his Memoirs show us, in Italy, France, Germany, +Austria, England, Switzerland, Belgium, Russia, Poland, Spain, +Holland, Turkey; he met Voltaire at Ferney, Rousseau at Montmorency, +Fontenelle, d'Alembert and Crebillon at Paris, George III. in London, +Louis XV. at Fontainebleau, Catherine the Great at St. Petersburg, +Benedict XII. at Rome, Joseph II. at Vienna, Frederick the Great at +Sans-Souci. Imprisoned by the Inquisitors of State in the Piombi at +Venice, he made, in 1755, the most famous escape in history. His +Memoirs, as we have them, break off abruptly at the moment when he is +expecting a safe conduct, and the permission to return to Venice +after twenty years' wanderings. He did return, as we know from +documents in the Venetian archives; he returned as secret agent of +the Inquisitors, and remained in their service from 1774 until 1782. +At the end of 1782 he left Venice; and next year we find him in +Paris, where, in 1784, he met Count Waldstein at the Venetian +Ambassador's, and was invited by him to become his librarian at Dux. +He accepted, and for the fourteen remaining years of his life lived +at Dux, where he wrote his Memoirs. + +Casanova died in 1798, but nothing was heard of the Memoirs (which +the Prince de Ligne, in his own Memoirs, tells us that Casanova had +read to him, and in which he found 'du dyamatique, de la rapidite, du +comique, de la philosophie, des choses neuves, sublimes, inimitables +meme') until the year 1820, when a certain Carlo Angiolini brought to +the publishing house of Brockhaus, in Leipzig, a manuscript entitled +Histoire de ma vie jusqu' a l'an 1797, in the handwriting of Casanova. +This manuscript, which I have examined at Leipzig, is written on +foolscap paper, rather rough and yellow; it is written on both sides +of the page, and in sheets or quires; here and there the paging shows +that some pages have been omitted, and in their place are smaller +sheets of thinner and whiter paper, all in Casanova's handsome, +unmistakable handwriting. The manuscript is done up in twelve +bundles, corresponding with the twelve volumes of the original +edition; and only in one place is there a gap. The fourth and fifth +chapters of the twelfth volume are missing, as the editor of the +original edition points out, adding: 'It is not probable that these +two chapters have been withdrawn from the manuscript of Casanova by a +strange hand; everything leads us to believe that the author himself +suppressed them, in the intention, no doubt, of re-writing them, but +without having found time to do so.' The manuscript ends abruptly +with the year 1774, and not with the year 1797, as the title would +lead us to suppose. + +This manuscript, in its original state, has never been printed. Herr +Brockhaus, on obtaining possession of the manuscript, had it +translated into German by Wilhelm Schutz, but with many omissions and +alterations, and published this translation, volume by volume, from +1822 to 1828, under the title, 'Aus den Memoiren des Venetianers +Jacob Casanova de Seingalt.' While the German edition was in course +of publication, Herr Brockhaus employed a certain Jean Laforgue, a +professor of the French language at Dresden, to revise the original +manuscript, correcting Casanova's vigorous, but at times incorrect, +and often somewhat Italian, French according to his own notions of +elegant writing, suppressing passages which seemed too free-spoken +from the point of view of morals and of politics, and altering the +names of some of the persons referred to, or replacing those names by +initials. This revised text was published in twelve volumes, the +first two in 1826, the third and fourth in 1828, the fifth to the +eighth in 1832, and the ninth to the twelfth in 1837; the first four +bearing the imprint of Brockhaus at Leipzig and Ponthieu et Cie at +Paris; the next four the imprint of Heideloff et Campe at Paris; and +the last four nothing but 'A Bruxelles.' The volumes are all +uniform, and were all really printed for the firm of Brockhaus. +This, however far from representing the real text, is the only +authoritative edition, and my references throughout this article will +always be to this edition. + +In turning over the manuscript at Leipzig, I read some of the +suppressed passages, and regretted their suppression; but Herr +Brockhaus, the present head of the firm, assured me that they are not +really very considerable in number. The damage, however, to the +vivacity of the whole narrative, by the persistent alterations of M. +Laforgue, is incalculable. I compared many passages, and found +scarcely three consecutive sentences untouched. Herr Brockhaus +(whose courtesy I cannot sufficiently acknowledge) was kind enough to +have a passage copied out for me, which I afterwards read over, and +checked word by word. In this passage Casanova says, for instance: +'Elle venoit presque tous les jours lui faire une belle visite.' +This is altered into: 'Cependant chaque jour Therese venait lui faire +une visite.' Casanova says that some one 'avoit, comme de raison, +forme le projet d'allier Dieu avec le diable.' This is made to read: +'Qui, comme de raison, avait saintement forme le projet d'allier les +interets du ciel aux oeuvres de ce monde.' Casanova tells us that +Therese would not commit a mortal sin 'pour devenir reine du monde;' +pour une couronne,' corrects the indefatigable Laforgue. 'Il ne +savoit que lui dire' becomes 'Dans cet etat de perplexite;' and so +forth. It must, therefore, be realized that the Memoirs, as we have +them, are only a kind of pale tracing of the vivid colours of the +original. + +When Casanova's Memoirs were first published, doubts were expressed +as to their authenticity, first by Ugo Foscolo (in the Westminster +Review, 1827), then by Querard, supposed to be an authority in regard +to anonymous and pseudonymous writings, finally by Paul Lacroix, 'le +bibliophile Jacob', who suggested, or rather expressed his +'certainty,' that the real author of the Memoirs was Stendhal, whose +'mind, character, ideas and style' he seemed to recognise on every +page. This theory, as foolish and as unsupported as the Baconian +theory of Shakespeare, has been carelessly accepted, or at all events +accepted as possible, by many good scholars who have never taken the +trouble to look into the matter for themselves. It was finally +disproved by a series of articles of Armand Baschet, entitled +'Preuves curieuses de l'authenticite des Memoires de Jacques Casanova +de Seingalt,' in 'Le Livre,' January, February, April and May, +1881; and these proofs were further corroborated by two articles of +Alessandro d'Ancona, entitled 'Un Avventuriere del Secolo XVIII., in +the 'Nuovo Antologia,' February 1 and August 1, 1882. Baschet had +never himself seen the manuscript of the Memoirs, but he had learnt +all the facts about it from Messrs. Brockhaus, and he had himself +examined the numerous papers relating to Casanova in the Venetian +archives. A similar examination was made at the Frari at about the +same time by the Abbe Fulin; and I myself, in 1894, not knowing at +the time that the discovery had been already made, made it over again +for myself. There the arrest of Casanova, his imprisonment in the +Piombi, the exact date of his escape, the name of the monk who +accompanied him, are all authenticated by documents contained in the +'riferte' of the Inquisition of State; there are the bills for the +repairs of the roof and walls of the cell from which he escaped; +there are the reports of the spies on whose information he was +arrested, for his too dangerous free-spokenness in matters of +religion and morality. The same archives contain forty-eight letters +of Casanova to the Inquisitors of State, dating from 1763 to 1782, +among the Riferte dei Confidenti, or reports of secret agents; the +earliest asking permission to return to Venice, the rest giving +information in regard to the immoralities of the city, after his +return there; all in the same handwriting as the Memoirs. Further +proof could scarcely be needed, but Baschet has done more than prove +the authenticity, he has proved the extraordinary veracity, of the +Memoirs. F. W. Barthold, in 'Die Geschichtlichen Personlichkeiten +in J. Casanova's Memoiren,' 2 vols., 1846, had already examined about +a hundred of Casanova's allusions to well known people, showing the +perfect exactitude of all but six or seven, and out of these six or +seven inexactitudes ascribing only a single one to the author's +intention. Baschet and d'Ancona both carry on what Barthold had +begun; other investigators, in France, Italy and Germany, have +followed them; and two things are now certain, first, that Casanova +himself wrote the Memoirs published under his name, though not +textually in the precise form in which we have them; and, second, +that as their veracity becomes more and more evident as they are +confronted with more and more independent witnesses, it is only fair +to suppose that they are equally truthful where the facts are such as +could only have been known to Casanova himself. + + +II + +For more than two-thirds of a century it has been known that Casanova +spent the last fourteen years of his life at Dux, that he wrote his +Memoirs there, and that he died there. During all this time people +have been discussing the authenticity and the truthfulness of the +Memoirs, they have been searching for information about Casanova in +various directions, and yet hardly any one has ever taken the +trouble, or obtained the permission, to make a careful examination in +precisely the one place where information was most likely to be +found. The very existence of the manuscripts at Dux was known only +to a few, and to most of these only on hearsay; and thus the singular +good fortune was reserved for me, on my visit to Count Waldstein in +September 1899, to be the first to discover the most interesting +things contained in these manuscripts. M. Octave Uzanne, though he +had not himself visited Dux, had indeed procured copies of some of +the manuscripts, a few of which were published by him in Le Livre, in +1887 and 1889. But with the death of Le Livre in 1889 the 'Casanova +inedit' came to an end, and has never, so far as I know, been +continued elsewhere. Beyond the publication of these fragments, +nothing has been done with the manuscripts at Dux, nor has an account +of them ever been given by any one who has been allowed to examine +them. + +For five years, ever since I had discovered the documents in the +Venetian archives, I had wanted to go to Dux; and in 1899, when I was +staying with Count Lutzow at Zampach, in Bohemia, I found the way +kindly opened for me. Count Waldstein, the present head of the +family, with extreme courtesy, put all his manuscripts at my +disposal, and invited me to stay with him. Unluckily, he was called +away on the morning of the day that I reached Dux. He had left +everything ready for me, and I was shown over the castle by a friend +of his, Dr. Kittel, whose courtesy I should like also to acknowledge. +After a hurried visit to the castle we started on the long drive to +Oberleutensdorf, a smaller Schloss near Komotau, where the Waldstein +family was then staying. The air was sharp and bracing; the two +Russian horses flew like the wind; I was whirled along in an +unfamiliar darkness, through a strange country, black with coal +mines, through dark pine woods, where a wild peasantry dwelt in +little mining towns. Here and there, a few men and women passed us +on the road, in their Sunday finery; then a long space of silence, +and we were in the open country, galloping between broad fields; and +always in a haze of lovely hills, which I saw more distinctly as we +drove back next morning. + +The return to Dux was like a triumphal entry, as we dashed through +the market-place filled with people come for the Monday market, pots +and pans and vegetables strewn in heaps all over the ground, on the +rough paving stones, up to the great gateway of the castle, leaving +but just room for us to drive through their midst. I had the +sensation of an enormous building: all Bohemian castles are big, but +this one was like a royal palace. Set there in the midst of the +town, after the Bohemian fashion, it opens at the back upon great +gardens, as if it were in the midst of the country. I walked through +room after room, along corridor after corridor; everywhere there were +pictures, everywhere portraits of Wallenstein, and battle-scenes in +which he led on his troops. The library, which was formed, or at +least arranged, by Casanova, and which remains as he left it, +contains some 25,000 volumes, some of them of considerable value; one +of the most famous books in Bohemian literature, Skala's History of +the Church, exists in manuscript at Dux, and it is from this +manuscript that the two published volumes of it were printed. The +library forms part of the Museum, which occupies a ground-floor wing +of the castle. The first room is an armoury, in which all kinds of +arms are arranged, in a decorative way, covering the ceiling and the +walls with strange patterns. The second room contains pottery, +collected by Casanova's Waldstein on his Eastern travels. The third +room is full of curious mechanical toys, and cabinets, and carvings +in ivory. Finally, we come to the library, contained in the two +innermost rooms. The book-shelves are painted white, and reach to +the low-vaulted ceilings, which are whitewashed. At the end of a +bookcase, in the corner of one of the windows, hangs a fine engraved +portrait of Casanova. + +After I had been all over the castle, so long Casanova's home, I was +taken to Count Waldstein's study, and left there with the +manuscripts. I found six huge cardboard cases, large enough to +contain foolscap paper, lettered on the back: 'Grafl. Waldstein- +Wartenberg'sches Real Fideicommiss. Dux-Oberleutensdorf: +Handschriftlicher Nachlass Casanova.' The cases were arranged so as +to stand like books; they opened at the side; and on opening them, +one after another, I found series after series of manuscripts roughly +thrown together, after some pretence at arrangement, and lettered +with a very generalised description of contents. The greater part of +the manuscripts were in Casanova's handwriting, which I could see +gradually beginning to get shaky with years. Most were written in +French, a certain number in Italian. The beginning of a catalogue in +the library, though said to be by him, was not in his handwriting. +Perhaps it was taken down at his dictation. There were also some +copies of Italian and Latin poems not written by him. Then there +were many big bundles of letters addressed to him, dating over more +than thirty years. Almost all the rest was in his own handwriting. + +I came first upon the smaller manuscripts, among which I, found, +jumbled together on the same and on separate scraps of paper, +washing-bills, accounts, hotel bills, lists of letters written, first +drafts of letters with many erasures, notes on books, theological and +mathematical notes, sums, Latin quotations, French and Italian +verses, with variants, a long list of classical names which have and +have not been 'francises,' with reasons for and against; 'what I must +wear at Dresden'; headings without anything to follow, such as: +'Reflexions on respiration, on the true cause of youth-the crows'; a +new method of winning the lottery at Rome; recipes, among which is a +long printed list of perfumes sold at Spa; a newspaper cutting, dated +Prague, 25th October 1790, on the thirty-seventh balloon ascent of +Blanchard; thanks to some 'noble donor' for the gift of a dog called +'Finette'; a passport for 'Monsieur de Casanova, Venitien, allant +d'ici en Hollande, October 13, 1758 (Ce Passeport bon pour quinze +jours)', together with an order for post-horses, gratis, from Paris +to Bordeaux and Bayonne.' + +Occasionally, one gets a glimpse into his daily life at Dux, as in +this note, scribbled on a fragment of paper (here and always I +translate the French literally): 'I beg you to tell my servant what +the biscuits are that I like to eat; dipped in wine, to fortify my +stomach. I believe that they can all be found at Roman's.' Usually, +however, these notes, though often suggested by something closely +personal, branch off into more general considerations; or else begin +with general considerations, and end with a case in point. Thus, for +instance, a fragment of three pages begins: 'A compliment which is +only made to gild the pill is a positive impertinence, and Monsieur +Bailli is nothing but a charlatan; the monarch ought to have spit in +his face, but the monarch trembled with fear.' A manuscript entitled +'Essai d'Egoisme,' dated, 'Dux, this 27th June, 1769,' contains, in +the midst of various reflections, an offer to let his 'appartement' +in return for enough money to 'tranquillise for six months two Jew +creditors at Prague.' Another manuscript is headed 'Pride and +Folly,' and begins with a long series of antitheses, such as: 'All +fools are not proud, and all proud men are fools. Many fools are +happy, all proud men are unhappy.' On the same sheet follows this +instance or application: + +Whether it is possible to compose a Latin distich of the greatest +beauty without knowing either the Latin language or prosody. We must +examine the possibility and the impossibility, and afterwards see who +is the man who says he is the author of the distich, for there are +extraordinary people in the world. My brother, in short, ought to +have composed the distich, because he says so, and because he +confided it to me tete-'a-tete. I had, it is true, difficulty in +believing him; but what is one to do! Either one must believe, or +suppose him capable of telling a lie which could only be told by a +fool; and that is impossible, for all Europe knows that my brother is +not a fool. + +Here, as so often in these manuscripts, we seem to see Casanova +thinking on paper. He uses scraps of paper (sometimes the blank page +of a letter, on the other side of which we see the address) as a kind +of informal diary; and it is characteristic of him, of the man of +infinitely curious mind, which this adventurer really was, that there +are so few merely personal notes among these casual jottings. Often, +they are purely abstract; at times, metaphysical 'jeux d'esprit,' +like the sheet of fourteen 'Different Wagers,' which begins: + +I wager that it is not true that a man who weighs a hundred pounds +will weigh more if you kill him. I wager that if there is any +difference, he will weigh less. I wager that diamond powder has not +sufficient force to kill a man. + +Side by side with these fanciful excursions into science, come more +serious ones, as in the note on Algebra, which traces its progress +since the year 1494, before which 'it had only arrived at the +solution of problems of the second degree, inclusive.' A scrap of +paper tells us that Casanova 'did not like regular towns.' 'I like,' +he says, 'Venice, Rome, Florence, Milan, Constantinople, Genoa.' +Then he becomes abstract and inquisitive again, and writes two pages, +full of curious, out-of-the-way learning, on the name of Paradise: + +The name of Paradise is a name in Genesis which indicates a place of +pleasure (lieu voluptueux): this term is Persian. This place of +pleasure was made by God before he had created man. + +It may be remembered that Casanova quarrelled with Voltaire, because +Voltaire had told him frankly that his translation of L'Ecossaise was +a bad translation. It is piquant to read another note written in +this style of righteous indignation: + +Voltaire, the hardy Voltaire, whose pen is without bit or bridle; +Voltaire, who devoured the Bible, and ridiculed our dogmas, doubts, +and after having made proselytes to impiety, is not ashamed, being +reduced to the extremity of life, to ask for the sacraments, and to +cover his body with more relics than St. Louis had at Amboise. + +Here is an argument more in keeping with the tone of the Memoirs: + +A girl who is pretty and good, and as virtuous as you please, ought +not to take it ill that a man, carried away by her charms, should set +himself to the task of making their conquest. If this man cannot +please her by any means, even if his passion be criminal, she ought +never to take offence at it, nor treat him unkindly; she ought to be +gentle, and pity him, if she does not love him, and think it enough +to keep invincibly hold upon her own duty. + +Occasionally he touches upon aesthetical matters, as in a fragment +which begins with this liberal definition of beauty: + +Harmony makes beauty, says M. de S. P. (Bernardin de St. Pierre), but +the definition is too short, if he thinks he has said everything. +Here is mine. Remember that the subject is metaphysical. An object +really beautiful ought to seem beautiful to all whose eyes fall upon +it. That is all; there is nothing more to be said. + +At times we have an anecdote and its commentary, perhaps jotted down +for use in that latter part of the Memoirs which was never written, +or which has been lost. Here is a single sheet, dated 'this 2nd +September, 1791,' and headed Souvenir: + +The Prince de Rosenberg said to me, as we went down stairs, that +Madame de Rosenberg was dead, and asked me if the Comte de Waldstein +had in the library the illustration of the Villa d'Altichiero, which +the Emperor had asked for in vain at the city library of Prague, and +when I answered 'yes,' he gave an equivocal laugh. A moment +afterwards, he asked me if he might tell the Emperor. 'Why not, +monseigneur? It is not a secret, 'Is His Majesty coming to Dux?' +'If he goes to Oberlaitensdorf (sic) he will go to Dux, too; and he +may ask you for it, for there is a monument there which relates to +him when he was Grand Duke.' 'In that case, His Majesty can also see +my critical remarks on the Egyptian prints.' + +The Emperor asked me this morning, 6th October, how I employed my +time at Dux, and I told him that I was making an Italian anthology. +'You have all the Italians, then?' 'All, sire.' See what a lie +leads to. If I had not lied in saying that I was making an +anthology, I should not have found myself obliged to lie again in +saying that we have all the Italian poets. If the Emperor comes to +Dux, I shall kill myself. + +'They say that this Dux is a delightful spot,' says Casanova in one +of the most personal of his notes, 'and I see that it might be for +many; but not for me, for what delights me in my old age is +independent of the place which I inhabit. When I do not sleep I +dream, and when I am tired of dreaming I blacken paper, then I read, +and most often reject all that my pen has vomited.' Here we see him +blackening paper, on every occasion, and for every purpose. In one +bundle I found an unfinished story about Roland, and some adventure +with women in a cave; then a 'Meditation on arising from sleep, 19th +May 1789'; then a 'Short Reflection of a Philosopher who finds +himself thinking of procuring his own death. At Dux, on getting out +of bed on 13th October 1793, day dedicated to St. Lucy, memorable in +my too long life.' A big budget, containing cryptograms, is headed +'Grammatical Lottery'; and there is the title-page of a treatise on +The Duplication of the Hexahedron, demonstrated geometrically to all +the Universities and all the Academies of Europe.' [See Charles +Henry, Les Connaissances Mathimatiques de Casanova. Rome, 1883.] +There are innumerable verses, French and Italian, in all stages, +occasionally attaining the finality of these lines, which appear in +half a dozen tentative forms: + + 'Sans mystere point de plaisirs, + Sans silence point de mystere. + Charme divin de mes loisirs, + Solitude! que tu mes chere! + +Then there are a number of more or less complete manuscripts of some +extent. There is the manuscript of the translation of Homer's +'Iliad, in ottava rima (published in Venice, 1775-8); of the +'Histoire de Venise,' of the 'Icosameron,' a curious book published +in 1787, purporting to be 'translated from English,' but really an +original work of Casanova; 'Philocalies sur les Sottises des +Mortels,' a long manuscript never published; the sketch and beginning +of 'Le Pollmarque, ou la Calomnie demasquee par la presence d'esprit. +Tragicomedie en trois actes, composed a Dux dans le mois de Juin de +l'Annee, 1791,' which recurs again under the form of the +'Polemoscope: La Lorgnette menteuse ou la Calomnie demasquge,' acted +before the Princess de Ligne, at her chateau at Teplitz, 1791. There +is a treatise in Italian, 'Delle Passioni'; there are long dialogues, +such as 'Le Philosophe et le Theologien', and 'Reve': 'Dieu-Moi'; +there is the 'Songe d'un Quart d'Heure', divided into minutes; there +is the very lengthy criticism of 'Bernardin de Saint-Pierre'; there +is the 'Confutation d'une Censure indiscrate qu'on lit dans la +Gazette de Iena, 19 Juin 1789'; with another large manuscript, +unfortunately imperfect, first called 'L'Insulte', and then 'Placet +au Public', dated 'Dux, this 2nd March, 1790,' referring to the same +criticism on the 'Icosameron' and the 'Fuite des Prisons. L'Histoire +de ma Fuite des Prisons de la Republique de Venise, qu'on appelle les +Plombs', which is the first draft of the most famous part of the +Memoirs, was published at Leipzig in 1788; and, having read it in the +Marcian Library at Venice, I am not surprised to learn from this +indignant document that it was printed 'under the care of a young +Swiss, who had the talent to commit a hundred faults of orthography.' + + +III + +We come now to the documents directly relating to the Memoirs, and +among these are several attempts at a preface, in which we see the +actual preface coming gradually into form. One is entitled 'Casanova +au Lecteur', another 'Histoire de mon Existence', and a third +Preface. There is also a brief and characteristic 'Precis de ma +vie', dated November 17, 1797. Some of these have been printed in Le +Livre, 1887. But by far the most important manuscript that I +discovered, one which, apparently, I am the first to discover, is a +manuscript entitled 'Extrait du Chapitre 4 et 5. It is written on +paper similar to that on which the Memoirs are written; the pages are +numbered 104-148; and though it is described as Extrait, it seems to +contain, at all events, the greater part of the missing chapters to +which I have already referred, Chapters IV. and V. of the last +volume of the Memoirs. In this manuscript we find Armeliine and +Scolastica, whose story is interrupted by the abrupt ending of +Chapter III.; we find Mariuccia of Vol. VII, Chapter IX., who married +a hairdresser; and we find also Jaconine, whom Casanova recognises as +his daughter, 'much prettier than Sophia, the daughter of Therese +Pompeati, whom I had left at London.' It is curious that this very +important manuscript, which supplies the one missing link in the +Memoirs, should never have been discovered by any of the few people +who have had the opportunity of looking over the Dux manuscripts. I +am inclined to explain it by the fact that the case in which I found +this manuscript contains some papers not relating to Casanova. +Probably, those who looked into this case looked no further. I have +told Herr Brockhaus of my discovery, and I hope to see Chapters IV. +and V. in their places when the long-looked-for edition of the +complete text is at length given to the world. + +Another manuscript which I found tells with great piquancy the whole +story of the Abbe de Brosses' ointment, the curing of the Princess de +Conti's pimples, and the birth of the Duc de Montpensier, which is +told very briefly, and with much less point, in the Memoirs (vol. +iii., p. 327). Readers of the Memoirs will remember the duel at +Warsaw with Count Branicki in 1766 (vol. X., pp. 274-320), an affair +which attracted a good deal of attention at the time, and of which +there is an account in a letter from the Abbe Taruffi to the +dramatist, Francesco Albergati, dated Warsaw, March 19, 1766, quoted +in Ernesto Masi's Life of Albergati, Bologna, 1878. A manuscript at +Dux in Casanova's handwriting gives an account of this duel in the +third person; it is entitled, 'Description de l'affaire arrivee a +Varsovie le 5 Mars, 1766'. D'Ancona, in the Nuova Antologia (vol. +lxvii., p. 412), referring to the Abbe Taruffi's account, mentions +what he considers to be a slight discrepancy: that Taruffi refers to +the danseuse, about whom the duel was fought, as La Casacci, while +Casanova refers to her as La Catai. In this manuscript Casanova +always refers to her as La Casacci; La Catai is evidently one of M. +Laforgue's arbitrary alterations of the text. + +In turning over another manuscript, I was caught by the name +Charpillon, which every reader of the Memoirs will remember as the +name of the harpy by whom Casanova suffered so much in London, in +1763-4. This manuscript begins by saying: 'I have been in London for +six months and have been to see them (that is, the mother and +daughter) in their own house,' where he finds nothing but 'swindlers, +who cause all who go there to lose their money in gambling.' This +manuscript adds some details to the story told in the ninth and tenth +volumes of the Memoirs, and refers to the meeting with the +Charpillons four and a half years before, described in Volume V., +pages 428-485. It is written in a tone of great indignation. +Elsewhere, I found a letter written by Casanova, but not signed, +referring to an anonymous letter which he had received in reference +to the Charpillons, and ending: 'My handwriting is known.' It was +not until the last that I came upon great bundles of letters +addressed to Casanova, and so carefully preserved that little scraps +of paper, on which postscripts are written, are still in their +places. One still sees the seals on the backs of many of the +letters, on paper which has slightly yellowed with age, leaving the +ink, however, almost always fresh. They come from Venice, Paris, +Rome, Prague, Bayreuth, The Hague, Genoa, Fiume, Trieste, etc., and +are addressed to as many places, often poste restante. Many are +letters from women, some in beautiful handwriting, on thick paper; +others on scraps of paper, in painful hands, ill-spelt. A Countess +writes pitifully, imploring help; one protests her love, in spite of +the 'many chagrins' he has caused her; another asks 'how they are to +live together'; another laments that a report has gone about that she +is secretly living with him, which may harm his reputation. Some are +in French, more in Italian. 'Mon cher Giacometto', writes one woman, +in French; 'Carissimo a Amatissimo', writes another, in Italian. +These letters from women are in some confusion, and are in need of a +good deal of sorting over and rearranging before their full extent +can be realised. Thus I found letters in the same handwriting +separated by letters in other handwritings; many are unsigned, or +signed only by a single initial; many are undated, or dated only with +the day of the week or month. There are a great many letters, dating +from 1779 to 1786, signed 'Francesca Buschini,' a name which I cannot +identify; they are written in Italian, and one of them begins: 'Unico +Mio vero Amico' ('my only true friend'). Others are signed 'Virginia +B.'; one of these is dated, 'Forli, October 15, 1773.' There is also +a 'Theresa B.,' who writes from Genoa. I was at first unable to +identify the writer of a whole series of letters in French, very +affectionate and intimate letters, usually unsigned, occasionally +signed 'B.' She calls herself votre petite amie; or she ends with a +half-smiling, half-reproachful 'goodnight, and sleep better than I' +In one letter, sent from Paris in 1759, she writes: 'Never believe +me, but when I tell you that I love you, and that I shall love you +always: In another letter, ill-spelt, as her letters often are, she +writes: 'Be assured that evil tongues, vapours, calumny, nothing can +change my heart, which is yours entirely, and has no will to change +its master.' Now, it seems to me that these letters must be from +Manon Baletti, and that they are the letters referred to in the sixth +volume of the Memoirs. We read there (page 60) how on Christmas Day, +1759, Casanova receives a letter from Manon in Paris, announcing her +marriage with 'M. Blondel, architect to the King, and member of his +Academy'; she returns him his letters, and begs him to return hers, +or burn them. Instead of doing so he allows Esther to read them, +intending to burn them afterwards. Esther begs to be allowed to keep +the letters, promising to 'preserve them religiously all her life.' +'These letters,' he says, 'numbered more than two hundred, and the +shortest were of four pages: Certainly there are not two hundred of +them at Dux, but it seems to me highly probable that Casanova made a +final selection from Manon's letters, and that it is these which I +have found. + +But, however this may be, I was fortunate enough to find the set of +letters which I was most anxious to find the letters from Henriette, +whose loss every writer on Casanova has lamented. Henriette, it will +be remembered, makes her first appearance at Cesena, in the year +1748; after their meeting at Geneva, she reappears, romantically 'a +propos', twenty-two years later, at Aix in Provence; and she writes +to Casanova proposing 'un commerce epistolaire', asking him what he +has done since his escape from prison, and promising to do her best +to tell him all that has happened to her during the long interval. +After quoting her letter, he adds: 'I replied to her, accepting the +correspondence that she offered me, and telling her briefly all my +vicissitudes. She related to me in turn, in some forty letters, all +the history of her life. If she dies before me, I shall add these +letters to these Memoirs; but to-day she is still alive, and always +happy, though now old.' It has never been known what became of these +letters, and why they were not added to the Memoirs. I have found a +great quantity of them, some signed with her married name in full, +'Henriette de Schnetzmann,' and I am inclined to think that she +survived Casanova, for one of the letters is dated Bayreuth, 1798, +the year of Casanova's death. They are remarkably charming, written +with a mixture of piquancy and distinction; and I will quote the +characteristic beginning and end of the last letter I was able to +find. It begins: 'No, it is impossible to be sulky with you!' and +ends: 'If I become vicious, it is you, my Mentor, who make me so, and +I cast my sins upon you. Even if I were damned I should still be +your most devoted friend, Henriette de Schnetzmann.' Casanova was +twenty-three when he met Henriette; now, herself an old woman, she +writes to him when he is seventy-three, as if the fifty years that +had passed were blotted out in the faithful affection of her memory. +How many more discreet and less changing lovers have had the quality +of constancy in change, to which this life-long correspondence bears +witness? Does it not suggest a view of Casanova not quite the view +of all the world? To me it shows the real man, who perhaps of all +others best understood what Shelley meant when he said: + + True love in this differs from gold or clay + That to divide is not to take away. + +But, though the letters from women naturally interested me the most, +they were only a certain proportion of the great mass of +correspondence which I turned over. There were letters from Carlo +Angiolini, who was afterwards to bring the manuscript of the Memoirs +to Brockhaus; from Balbi, the monk with whom Casanova escaped from +the Piombi; from the Marquis Albergati, playwright, actor, and +eccentric, of whom there is some account in the Memoirs; from the +Marquis Mosca, 'a distinguished man of letters whom I was anxious to +see,' Casanova tells us in the same volume in which he describes his +visit to the Moscas at Pesaro; from Zulian, brother of the Duchess of +Fiano; from Richard Lorrain, 'bel homme, ayant de l'esprit, le ton et +le gout de la bonne societe', who came to settle at Gorizia in 1773, +while Casanova was there; from the Procurator Morosini, whom he +speaks of in the Memoirs as his 'protector,' and as one of those +through whom he obtained permission to return to Venice. His other +'protector,' the 'avogador' Zaguri, had, says Casanova, 'since the +affair of the Marquis Albergati, carried on a most interesting +correspondence with me'; and in fact I found a bundle of no less than +a hundred and thirty-eight letters from him, dating from 1784 to +1798. Another bundle contains one hundred and seventy-two letters +from Count Lamberg. In the Memoirs Casanova says, referring to his +visit to Augsburg at the end of 1761: + +I used to spend my evenings in a very agreeable manner at the house +of Count Max de Lamberg, who resided at the court of the +Prince-Bishop with the title of Grand Marshal. What particularly +attached me to Count Lamberg was his literary talent. A first-rate +scholar, learned to a degree, he has published several much esteemed +works. I carried on an exchange of letters with him which ended only +with his death four years ago in 1792. + +Casanova tells us that, at his second visit to Augsburg in the early +part of 1767, he 'supped with Count Lamberg two or three times a +week,' during the four months he was there. It is with this year +that the letters I have found begin: they end with the year of his +death, 1792. In his 'Memorial d'un Mondain' Lamberg refers to +Casanova as 'a man known in literature, a man of profound knowledge.' +In the first edition of 1774, he laments that 'a man such as M. de S. +Galt' should not yet have been taken back into favour by the Venetian +government, and in the second edition, 1775, rejoices over Casanova's +return to Venice. Then there are letters from Da Ponte, who tells +the story of Casanova's curious relations with Mme. d'Urfe, in his +'Memorie scritte da esso', 1829; from Pittoni, Bono, and others +mentioned in different parts of the Memoirs, and from some dozen +others who are not mentioned in them. The only letters in the whole +collection that have been published are those from the Prince de +Ligne and from Count Koenig. + + +IV + +Casanova tells us in his Memoirs that, during his later years at Dux, +he had only been able to 'hinder black melancholy from devouring his +poor existence, or sending him out of his mind,' by writing ten or +twelve hours a day. The copious manuscripts at Dux show us how +persistently he was at work on a singular variety of subjects, in +addition to the Memoirs, and to the various books which he published +during those years. We see him jotting down everything that comes +into his head, for his own amusement, and certainly without any +thought of publication; engaging in learned controversies, writing +treatises on abstruse mathematical problems, composing comedies to be +acted before Count Waldstein's neighbours, practising verse-writing +in two languages, indeed with more patience than success, writing +philosophical dialogues in which God and himself are the speakers, +and keeping up an extensive correspondence, both with distinguished +men and with delightful women. His mental activity, up to the age of +seventy-three, is as prodigious as the activity which he had expended +in living a multiform and incalculable life. As in life everything +living had interested him so in his retirement from life every idea +makes its separate appeal to him; and he welcomes ideas with the same +impartiality with which he had welcomed adventures. Passion has +intellectualised itself, and remains not less passionate. He wishes +to do everything, to compete with every one; and it is only after +having spent seven years in heaping up miscellaneous learning, and +exercising his faculties in many directions, that he turns to look +back over his own past life, and to live it over again in memory, as +he writes down the narrative of what had interested him most in it. +'I write in the hope that my history will never see the broad day +light of publication,' he tells us, scarcely meaning it, we may be +sure, even in the moment of hesitancy which may naturally come to +him. But if ever a book was written for the pleasure of writing it, +it was this one; and an autobiography written for oneself is not +likely to be anything but frank. + +'Truth is the only God I have ever adored,' he tells us: and we now +know how truthful he was in saying so. I have only summarised in +this article the most important confirmations of his exact accuracy +in facts and dates; the number could be extended indefinitely. In +the manuscripts we find innumerable further confirmations; and their +chief value as testimony is that they tell us nothing which we should +not have already known, if we had merely taken Casanova at his word. +But it is not always easy to take people at their own word, when they +are writing about themselves; and the world has been very loth to +believe in Casanova as he represents himself. It has been specially +loth to believe that he is telling the truth when he tells us about +his adventures with women. But the letters contained among these +manuscripts shows us the women of Casanova writing to him with all +the fervour and all the fidelity which he attributes to them; and +they show him to us in the character of as fervid and faithful a +lover. In every fact, every detail, and in the whole mental +impression which they convey, these manuscripts bring before us the +Casanova of the Memoirs. As I seemed to come upon Casanova at home, +it was as if I came upon old friend, already perfectly known to me, +before I had made my pilgrimage to Dux. + +1902 + + + + +TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE + +A series of adventures wilder and more fantastic than the wildest of +romances, written down with the exactitude of a business diary; a +view of men and cities from Naples to Berlin, from Madrid and London +to Constantinople and St. Petersburg; the 'vie intime' of the +eighteenth century depicted by a man, who to-day sat with cardinals +and saluted crowned heads, and to morrow lurked in dens of profligacy +and crime; a book of confessions penned without reticence and +without penitence; a record of forty years of "occult" charlatanism; +a collection of tales of successful imposture, of 'bonnes fortunes', +of marvellous escapes, of transcendent audacity, told with the humour +of Smollett and the delicate wit of Voltaire. Who is there +interested in men and letters, and in the life of the past, who would +not cry, "Where can such a book as this be found?" + +Yet the above catalogue is but a brief outline, a bare and meagre +summary, of the book known as "THE MEMOIRS OF CASANOVA"; a work +absolutely unique in literature. He who opens these wonderful pages +is as one who sits in a theatre and looks across the gloom, not on a +stage-play, but on another and a vanished world. The curtain draws +up, and suddenly a hundred and fifty years are rolled away, and in +bright light stands out before us the whole life of the past; the gay +dresses, the polished wit, the careless morals, and all the revel and +dancing of those merry years before the mighty deluge of the +Revolution. The palaces and marble stairs of old Venice are no +longer desolate, but thronged with scarlet-robed senators, prisoners +with the doom of the Ten upon their heads cross the Bridge of Sighs, +at dead of night the nun slips out of the convent gate to the dark +canal where a gondola is waiting, we assist at the 'parties fines' of +cardinals, and we see the bank made at faro. Venice gives place to +the assembly rooms of Mrs. Cornely and the fast taverns of the London +of 1760; we pass from Versailles to the Winter Palace of St. +Petersburg in the days of Catherine, from the policy of the Great +Frederick to the lewd mirth of strolling-players, and the presence- +chamber of the Vatican is succeeded by an intrigue in a garret. It +is indeed a new experience to read this history of a man who, +refraining from nothing, has concealed nothing; of one who stood in +the courts of Louis the Magnificent before Madame de Pompadour and +the nobles of the Ancien Regime, and had an affair with an +adventuress of Denmark Street, Soho; who was bound over to keep the +peace by Fielding, and knew Cagliostro. The friend of popes and +kings and noblemen, and of all the male and female ruffians and +vagabonds of Europe, abbe, soldier, charlatan, gamester, financier, +diplomatist, viveur, philosopher, virtuoso, "chemist, fiddler, and +buffoon," each of these, and all of these was Giacomo Casanova, +Chevalier de Seingalt, Knight of the Golden Spur. + +And not only are the Memoirs a literary curiosity; they are almost +equally curious from a bibliographical point of view. The manuscript +was written in French and came into the possession of the publisher +Brockhaus, of Leipzig, who had it translated into German, and +printed. From this German edition, M. Aubert de Vitry re-translated +the work into French, but omitted about a fourth of the matter, and +this mutilated and worthless version is frequently purchased by +unwary bibliophiles. In the year 1826, however, Brockhaus, in order +presumably to protect his property, printed the entire text of the +original MS. in French, for the first time, and in this complete +form, containing a large number of anecdotes and incidents not to be +found in the spurious version, the work was not acceptable to the +authorities, and was consequently rigorously suppressed. Only a few +copies sent out for presentation or for review are known to have +escaped, and from one of these rare copies the present translation +has been made and soley for private circulation. + +In conclusion, both translator and 'editeur' have done their utmost +to present the English Casanova in a dress worthy of the wonderful +and witty original. + + + + + +AUTHOR'S PREFACE + +I will begin with this confession: whatever I have done in the course +of my life, whether it be good or evil, has been done freely; I am a +free agent. + +The doctrine of the Stoics or of any other sect as to the force of +Destiny is a bubble engendered by the imagination of man, and is near +akin to Atheism. I not only believe in one God, but my faith as a +Christian is also grafted upon that tree of philosophy which has +never spoiled anything. + +I believe in the existence of an immaterial God, the Author and +Master of all beings and all things, and I feel that I never had any +doubt of His existence, from the fact that I have always relied upon +His providence, prayed to Him in my distress, and that He has always +granted my prayers. Despair brings death, but prayer does away with +despair; and when a man has prayed he feels himself supported by new +confidence and endowed with power to act. As to the means employed +by the Sovereign Master of human beings to avert impending dangers +from those who beseech His assistance, I confess that the knowledge +of them is above the intelligence of man, who can but wonder and +adore. Our ignorance becomes our only resource, and happy, truly +happy; are those who cherish their ignorance! Therefore must we pray +to God, and believe that He has granted the favour we have been +praying for, even when in appearance it seems the reverse. As to the +position which our body ought to assume when we address ourselves to +the Creator, a line of Petrarch settles it: + + 'Con le ginocchia della mente inchine.' + +Man is free, but his freedom ceases when he has no faith in it; and +the greater power he ascribes to faith, the more he deprives himself +of that power which God has given to him when He endowed him with the +gift of reason. Reason is a particle of the Creator's divinity. +When we use it with a spirit of humility and justice we are certain +to please the Giver of that precious gift. God ceases to be God only +for those who can admit the possibility of His non-existence, and +that conception is in itself the most severe punishment they can +suffer. + +Man is free; yet we must not suppose that he is at liberty to do +everything he pleases, for he becomes a slave the moment he allows +his actions to be ruled by passion. The man who has sufficient power +over himself to wait until his nature has recovered its even balance +is the truly wise man, but such beings are seldom met with. + +The reader of these Memoirs will discover that I never had any fixed +aim before my eyes, and that my system, if it can be called a system, +has been to glide away unconcernedly on the stream of life, trusting +to the wind wherever it led. How many changes arise from such an +independent mode of life! My success and my misfortunes, the bright +and the dark days I have gone through, everything has proved to me +that in this world, either physical or moral, good comes out of evil +just as well as evil comes out of good. My errors will point to +thinking men the various roads, and will teach them the great art of +treading on the brink of the precipice without falling into it. It +is only necessary to have courage, for strength without self- +confidence is useless. I have often met with happiness after some +imprudent step which ought to have brought ruin upon me, and although +passing a vote of censure upon myself I would thank God for his +mercy. But, by way of compensation, dire misfortune has befallen me +in consequence of actions prompted by the most cautious wisdom. This +would humble me; yet conscious that I had acted rightly I would +easily derive comfort from that conviction. + +In spite of a good foundation of sound morals, the natural offspring +of the Divine principles which had been early rooted in my heart, I +have been throughout my life the victim of my senses; I have found +delight in losing the right path, I have constantly lived in the +midst of error, with no consolation but the consciousness of my being +mistaken. Therefore, dear reader, I trust that, far from attaching +to my history the character of impudent boasting, you will find in my +Memoirs only the characteristic proper to a general confession, and +that my narratory style will be the manner neither of a repenting +sinner, nor of a man ashamed to acknowledge his frolics. They are +the follies inherent to youth; I make sport of them, and, if you are +kind, you will not yourself refuse them a good-natured smile. You +will be amused when you see that I have more than once deceived +without the slightest qualm of conscience, both knaves and fools. As +to the deceit perpetrated upon women, let it pass, for, when love is +in the way, men and women as a general rule dupe each other. But on +the score of fools it is a very different matter. I always feel the +greatest bliss when I recollect those I have caught in my snares, for +they generally are insolent, and so self-conceited that they +challenge wit. We avenge intellect when we dupe a fool, and it is a +victory not to be despised for a fool is covered with steel and it is +often very hard to find his vulnerable part. In fact, to gull a fool +seems to me an exploit worthy of a witty man. I have felt in my very +blood, ever since I was born, a most unconquerable hatred towards the +whole tribe of fools, and it arises from the fact that I feel myself +a blockhead whenever I am in their company. I am very far from +placing them in the same class with those men whom we call stupid, +for the latter are stupid only from deficient education, and I rather +like them. I have met with some of them--very honest fellows, who, +with all their stupidity, had a kind of intelligence and an upright +good sense, which cannot be the characteristics of fools. They are +like eyes veiled with the cataract, which, if the disease could be +removed, would be very beautiful. + +Dear reader, examine the spirit of this preface, and you will at once +guess at my purpose. I have written a preface because I wish you to +know me thoroughly before you begin the reading of my Memoirs. It is +only in a coffee-room or at a table d'hote that we like to converse +with strangers. + +I have written the history of my life, and I have a perfect right to +do so; but am I wise in throwing it before a public of which I know +nothing but evil? No, I am aware it is sheer folly, but I want to be +busy, I want to laugh, and why should I deny myself this +gratification? + + 'Expulit elleboro morbum bilemque mero.' + +An ancient author tells us somewhere, with the tone of a pedagogue, +if you have not done anything worthy of being recorded, at least +write something worthy of being read. It is a precept as beautiful +as a diamond of the first water cut in England, but it cannot be +applied to me, because I have not written either a novel, or the life +of an illustrious character. Worthy or not, my life is my subject, +and my subject is my life. I have lived without dreaming that I +should ever take a fancy to write the history of my life, and, for +that very reason, my Memoirs may claim from the reader an interest +and a sympathy which they would not have obtained, had I always +entertained the design to write them in my old age, and, still more, +to publish them. + +I have reached, in 1797, the age of three-score years and twelve; I +can not say, Vixi, and I could not procure a more agreeable pastime +than to relate my own adventures, and to cause pleasant laughter +amongst the good company listening to me, from which I have received +so many tokens of friendship, and in the midst of which I have ever +lived. To enable me to write well, I have only to think that my +readers will belong to that polite society: + + 'Quoecunque dixi, si placuerint, dictavit auditor.' + +Should there be a few intruders whom I can not prevent from perusing +my Memoirs, I must find comfort in the idea that my history was not +written for them. + +By recollecting the pleasures I have had formerly, I renew them, I +enjoy them a second time, while I laugh at the remembrance of +troubles now past, and which I no longer feel. A member of this +great universe, I speak to the air, and I fancy myself rendering an +account of my administration, as a steward is wont to do before +leaving his situation. For my future I have no concern, and as a +true philosopher, I never would have any, for I know not what it may +be: as a Christian, on the other hand, faith must believe without +discussion, and the stronger it is, the more it keeps silent. I know +that I have lived because I have felt, and, feeling giving me the +knowledge of my existence, I know likewise that I shall exist no more +when I shall have ceased to feel. + +Should I perchance still feel after my death, I would no longer have +any doubt, but I would most certainly give the lie to anyone +asserting before me that I was dead. + +The history of my life must begin by the earliest circumstance which +my memory can evoke; it will therefore commence when I had attained +the age of eight years and four months. Before that time, if to +think is to live be a true axiom, I did not live, I could only lay +claim to a state of vegetation. The mind of a human being is formed +only of comparisons made in order to examine analogies, and therefore +cannot precede the existence of memory. The mnemonic organ was +developed in my head only eight years and four months after my birth; +it is then that my soul began to be susceptible of receiving +impressions. How is it possible for an immaterial substance, which +can neither touch nor be touched to receive impressions? It is a +mystery which man cannot unravel. + +A certain philosophy, full of consolation, and in perfect accord with +religion, pretends that the state of dependence in which the soul +stands in relation to the senses and to the organs, is only +incidental and transient, and that it will reach a condition of +freedom and happiness when the death of the body shall have delivered +it from that state of tyrannic subjection. This is very fine, but, +apart from religion, where is the proof of it all? Therefore, as I +cannot, from my own information, have a perfect certainty of my being +immortal until the dissolution of my body has actually taken place, +people must kindly bear with me, if I am in no hurry to obtain that +certain knowledge, for, in my estimation, a knowledge to be gained at +the cost of life is a rather expensive piece of information. In the +mean time I worship God, laying every wrong action under an interdict +which I endeavour to respect, and I loathe the wicked without doing +them any injury. I only abstain from doing them any good, in the +full belief that we ought not to cherish serpents. + +As I must likewise say a few words respecting my nature and my +temperament, I premise that the most indulgent of my readers is not +likely to be the most dishonest or the least gifted with +intelligence. + +I have had in turn every temperament; phlegmatic in my infancy; +sanguine in my youth; later on, bilious; and now I have a disposition +which engenders melancholy, and most likely will never change. I +always made my food congenial to my constitution, and my health was +always excellent. I learned very early that our health is always +impaired by some excess either of food or abstinence, and I never had +any physician except myself. I am bound to add that the excess in +too little has ever proved in me more dangerous than the excess in +too much; the last may cause indigestion, but the first causes death. + +Now, old as I am, and although enjoying good digestive organs, I must +have only one meal every day; but I find a set-off to that privation +in my delightful sleep, and in the ease which I experience in writing +down my thoughts without having recourse to paradox or sophism, which +would be calculated to deceive myself even more than my readers, for +I never could make up my mind to palm counterfeit coin upon them if I +knew it to be such. + +The sanguine temperament rendered me very sensible to the attractions +of voluptuousness: I was always cheerful and ever ready to pass from +one enjoyment to another, and I was at the same time very skillful in +inventing new pleasures. Thence, I suppose, my natural disposition +to make fresh acquaintances, and to break with them so readily, +although always for a good reason, and never through mere fickleness. +The errors caused by temperament are not to be corrected, because our +temperament is perfectly independent of our strength: it is not the +case with our character. Heart and head are the constituent parts of +character; temperament has almost nothing to do with it, and, +therefore, character is dependent upon education, and is susceptible +of being corrected and improved. + +I leave to others the decision as to the good or evil tendencies of +my character, but such as it is it shines upon my countenance, and +there it can easily be detected by any physiognomist. It is only on +the fact that character can be read; there it lies exposed to the +view. It is worthy of remark that men who have no peculiar cast of +countenance, and there are a great many such men, are likewise +totally deficient in peculiar characteristics, and we may establish +the rule that the varieties in physiognomy are equal to the +differences in character. I am aware that throughout my life my +actions have received their impulse more from the force of feeling +than from the wisdom of reason, and this has led me to acknowledge +that my conduct has been dependent upon my nature more than upon my +mind; both are generally at war, and in the midst of their continual +collisions I have never found in me sufficient mind to balance my +nature, or enough strength in my nature to counteract the power of my +mind. But enough of this, for there is truth in the old saying: 'Si +brevis esse volo, obscurus fio', and I believe that, without +offending against modesty, I can apply to myself the following words +of my dear Virgil: + + 'Nec sum adeo informis: nuper me in littore vidi + Cum placidum ventis staret mare.' + +The chief business of my life has always been to indulge my senses; I +never knew anything of greater importance. I felt myself born for +the fair sex, I have ever loved it dearly, and I have been loved by +it as often and as much as I could. I have likewise always had a +great weakness for good living, and I ever felt passionately fond of +every object which excited my curiosity. + +I have had friends who have acted kindly towards me, and it has been +my good fortune to have it in my power to give them substantial +proofs of my gratitude. I have had also bitter enemies who have +persecuted me, and whom I have not crushed simply because I could not +do it. I never would have forgiven them, had I not lost the memory +of all the injuries they had heaped upon me. The man who forgets +does not forgive, he only loses the remembrance of the harm inflicted +on him; forgiveness is the offspring of a feeling of heroism, of a +noble heart, of a generous mind, whilst forgetfulness is only the +result of a weak memory, or of an easy carelessness, and still +oftener of a natural desire for calm and quietness. Hatred, in the +course of time, kills the unhappy wretch who delights in nursing it +in his bosom. + +Should anyone bring against me an accusation of sensuality he would +be wrong, for all the fierceness of my senses never caused me to +neglect any of my duties. For the same excellent reason, the +accusation of drunkenness ought not to have been brought against +Homer: + + 'Laudibus arguitur vini vinosus Homerus.' + +I have always been fond of highly-seasoned, rich dishes, such as +macaroni prepared by a skilful Neapolitan cook, the olla-podrida of +the Spaniards, the glutinous codfish from Newfoundland, game with a +strong flavour, and cheese the perfect state of which is attained +when the tiny animaculae formed from its very essence begin to shew +signs of life. As for women, I have always found the odour of my +beloved ones exceeding pleasant. + +What depraved tastes! some people will exclaim. Are you not ashamed +to confess such inclinations without blushing! Dear critics, you +make me laugh heartily. Thanks to my coarse tastes, I believe myself +happier than other men, because I am convinced that they enhance my +enjoyment. Happy are those who know how to obtain pleasures without +injury to anyone; insane are those who fancy that the Almighty can +enjoy the sufferings, the pains, the fasts and abstinences which they +offer to Him as a sacrifice, and that His love is granted only to +those who tax themselves so foolishly. God can only demand from His +creatures the practice of virtues the seed of which He has sown in +their soul, and all He has given unto us has been intended for our +happiness; self-love, thirst for praise, emulation, strength, +courage, and a power of which nothing can deprive us--the power of +self-destruction, if, after due calculation, whether false or just, +we unfortunately reckon death to be advantageous. This is the +strongest proof of our moral freedom so much attacked by sophists. +Yet this power of self-destruction is repugnant to nature, and has +been rightly opposed by every religion. + +A so-called free-thinker told me at one time that I could not +consider myself a philosopher if I placed any faith in revelation. +But when we accept it readily in physics, why should we reject it in +religious matters? The form alone is the point in question. The +spirit speaks to the spirit, and not to the ears. The principles of +everything we are acquainted with must necessarily have been revealed +to those from whom we have received them by the great, supreme +principle, which contains them all. The bee erecting its hive, the +swallow building its nest, the ant constructing its cave, and the +spider warping its web, would never have done anything but for a +previous and everlasting revelation. We must either believe that it +is so, or admit that matter is endowed with thought. But as we dare +not pay such a compliment to matter, let us stand by revelation. + +The great philosopher, who having deeply studied nature, thought he +had found the truth because he acknowledged nature as God, died too +soon. Had he lived a little while longer, he would have gone much +farther, and yet his journey would have been but a short one, for +finding himself in his Author, he could not have denied Him: In Him +we move and have our being. He would have found Him inscrutable, and +thus would have ended his journey. + +God, great principle of all minor principles, God, who is Himself +without a principle, could not conceive Himself, if, in order to do +it, He required to know His own principle. + +Oh, blissful ignorance! Spinosa, the virtuous Spinosa, died before +he could possess it. He would have died a learned man and with a +right to the reward his virtue deserved, if he had only supposed his +soul to be immortal! + +It is not true that a wish for reward is unworthy of real virtue, and +throws a blemish upon its purity. Such a pretension, on the +contrary, helps to sustain virtue, man being himself too weak to +consent to be virtuous only for his own 'gratification. I hold as a +myth that Amphiaraus who preferred to be good than to seem good. In +fact, I do not believe there is an honest man alive without some +pretension, and here is mine. + +I pretend to the friendship, to the esteem, to the gratitude of my +readers. I claim their gratitude, if my Memoirs can give them +instruction and pleasure; I claim their esteem if, rendering me +justice, they find more good qualities in me than faults, and I claim +their friendship as soon as they deem me worthy of it by the candour +and the good faith with which I abandon myself to their judgment, +without disguise and exactly as I am in reality. They will find that +I have always had such sincere love for truth, that I have often +begun by telling stories for the purpose of getting truth to enter +the heads of those who could not appreciate its charms. They will +not form a wrong opinion of me when they see one emptying the purse +of my friends to satisfy my fancies, for those friends entertained +idle schemes, and by giving them the hope of success I trusted to +disappointment to cure them. I would deceive them to make them +wiser, and I did not consider myself guilty, for I applied to my own +enjoyment sums of money which would have been lost in the vain +pursuit of possessions denied by nature; therefore I was not actuated +by any avaricious rapacity. I might think myself guilty if I were +rich now, but I have nothing. I have squandered everything; it is my +comfort and my justification. The money was intended for extravagant +follies, and by applying it to my own frolics I did not turn it into +a very different, channel. + +If I were deceived in my hope to please, I candidly confess I would +regret it, but not sufficiently so to repent having written my +Memoirs, for, after all, writing them has given me pleasure. Oh, +cruel ennui! It must be by mistake that those who have invented the +torments of hell have forgotten to ascribe thee the first place among +them. Yet I am bound to own that I entertain a great fear of hisses; +it is too natural a fear for me to boast of being insensible to them, +and I cannot find any solace in the idea that, when these Memoirs are +published, I shall be no more. I cannot think without a shudder of +contracting any obligation towards death: I hate death; for, happy or +miserable, life is the only blessing which man possesses, and those +who do not love it are unworthy of it. If we prefer honour to life, +it is because life is blighted by infamy; and if, in the alternative, +man sometimes throws away his life, philosophy must remain silent. + +Oh, death, cruel death! Fatal law which nature necessarily rejects +because thy very office is to destroy nature! Cicero says that death +frees us from all pains and sorrows, but this great philosopher books +all the expense without taking the receipts into account. I do not +recollect if, when he wrote his 'Tusculan Disputations', his own +Tullia was dead. Death is a monster which turns away from the great +theatre an attentive hearer before the end of the play which deeply +interests him, and this is reason enough to hate it. + +All my adventures are not to be found in these Memoirs; I have left +out those which might have offended the persons who have played a +sorry part therein. In spite of this reserve, my readers will +perhaps often think me indiscreet, and I am sorry for it. Should I +perchance become wiser before I give up the ghost, I might burn every +one of these sheets, but now I have not courage enough to do it. + +It may be that certain love scenes will be considered too explicit, +but let no one blame me, unless it be for lack of skill, for I ought +not to be scolded because, in my old age, I can find no other +enjoyment but that which recollections of the past afford to me. +After all, virtuous and prudish readers are at liberty to skip over +any offensive pictures, and I think it my duty to give them this +piece of advice; so much the worse for those who may not read my +preface; it is no fault of mine if they do not, for everyone ought to +know that a preface is to a book what the play-bill is to a comedy; +both must be read. + +My Memoirs are not written for young persons who, in order to avoid +false steps and slippery roads, ought to spend their youth in +blissful ignorance, but for those who, having thorough experience of +life, are no longer exposed to temptation, and who, having but too +often gone through the fire, are like salamanders, and can be +scorched by it no more. True virtue is but a habit, and I have no +hesitation in saying that the really virtuous are those persons who +can practice virtue without the slightest trouble; such persons are +always full of toleration, and it is to them that my Memoirs are +addressed. + +I have written in French, and not in Italian, because the French +language is more universal than mine, and the purists, who may +criticise in my style some Italian turns will be quite right, but +only in case it should prevent them from understanding me clearly. +The Greeks admired Theophrastus in spite of his Eresian style, and +the Romans delighted in their Livy in spite of his Patavinity. +Provided I amuse my readers, it seems to me that I can claim the same +indulgence. After all, every Italian reads Algarotti with pleasure, +although his works are full of French idioms. + +There is one thing worthy of notice: of all the living languages +belonging to the republic of letters, the French tongue is the only +one which has been condemned by its masters never to borrow in order +to become richer, whilst all other languages, although richer in +words than the French, plunder from it words and constructions of +sentences, whenever they find that by such robbery they add something +to their own beauty. Yet those who borrow the most from the French, +are the most forward in trumpeting the poverty of that language, very +likely thinking that such an accusation justifies their depredations. +It is said that the French language has attained the apogee of its +beauty, and that the smallest foreign loan would spoil it, but I make +bold to assert that this is prejudice, for, although it certainly is +the most clear, the most logical of all languages, it would be great +temerity to affirm that it can never go farther or higher than it has +gone. We all recollect that, in the days of Lulli, there was but one +opinion of his music, yet Rameau came and everything was changed. +The new impulse given to the French nation may open new and +unexpected horizons, and new beauties, fresh perfections, may spring +up from new combinations and from new wants. + +The motto I have adopted justifies my digressions, and all the +commentaries, perhaps too numerous, in which I indulge upon my +various exploits: 'Nequidquam sapit qui sibi non sapit'. For the +same reason I have always felt a great desire to receive praise and +applause from polite society: + + 'Excitat auditor stadium, laudataque virtus + Crescit, et immensum gloria calcar habet. + +I would willingly have displayed here the proud axiom: 'Nemo laeditur +nisi a se ipso', had I not feared to offend the immense number of +persons who, whenever anything goes wrong with them, are wont to +exclaim, "It is no fault of mine!" I cannot deprive them of that +small particle of comfort, for, were it not for it, they would soon +feel hatred for themselves, and self-hatred often leads to the fatal +idea of self-destruction. + +As for myself I always willingly acknowledge my own self as the +principal cause of every good or of every evil which may befall me; +therefore I have always found myself capable of being my own pupil, +and ready to love my teacher. + + + + + + + + THE MEMOIRS OF + JACQUES CASANOVA + + +CHAPTER I + +My Family Pedigree--My Childhood + + +Don Jacob Casanova, the illegitimate son of Don Francisco Casanova, +was a native of Saragosa, the capital of Aragon, and in the year of +1428 he carried off Dona Anna Palofax from her convent, on the day +after she had taken the veil. He was secretary to King Alfonso. He +ran away with her to Rome, where, after one year of imprisonment, the +pope, Martin III., released Anna from her vows, and gave them the +nuptial blessing at the instance of Don Juan Casanova, majordomo of +the Vatican, and uncle of Don Jacob. All the children born from that +marriage died in their infancy, with the exception of Don Juan, who, +in 1475, married Donna Eleonora Albini, by whom he had a son, Marco +Antonio. + +In 1481, Don Juan, having killed an officer of the king of Naples, +was compelled to leave Rome, and escaped to Como with his wife and +his son; but having left that city to seek his fortune, he died while +traveling with Christopher Columbus in the year 1493. + +Marco Antonio became a noted poet of the school of Martial, and was +secretary to Cardinal Pompeo Colonna. + +The satire against Giulio de Medicis, which we find in his works, +having made it necessary for him to leave Rome, he returned to Como, +where he married Abondia Rezzonica. The same Giulio de Medicis, +having become pope under the name of Clement VII, pardoned him and +called him back to Rome with his wife. The city having been taken +and ransacked by the Imperialists in 1526, Marco Antonio died there +from an attack of the plague; otherwise he would have died of misery, +the soldiers of Charles V. having taken all he possessed. Pierre +Valerien speaks of him in his work 'de infelicitate litteratorum'. + +Three months after his death, his wife gave birth to Jacques +Casanova, who died in France at a great age, colonel in the army +commanded by Farnese against Henri, king of Navarre, afterwards king +of France. He had left in the city of Parma a son who married +Theresa Conti, from whom he had Jacques, who, in the year 1681, +married Anna Roli. Jacques had two sons, Jean-Baptiste and Gaetan- +Joseph-Jacques. The eldest left Parma in 1712, and was never heard +of; the other also went away in 1715, being only nineteen years old. + +This is all I have found in my father's diary: from my mother's lips +I have heard the following particulars: + +Gaetan-Joseph-Jacques left his family, madly in love with an actress +named Fragoletta, who performed the chambermaids. In his poverty, he +determined to earn a living by making the most of his own person. At +first he gave himself up to dancing, and five years afterwards became +an actor, making himself conspicuous by his conduct still more than +by his talent. + +Whether from fickleness or from jealousy, he abandoned the +Fragoletta, and joined in Venice a troop of comedians then giving +performances at the Saint-Samuel Theatre. Opposite the house in +which he had taken his lodging resided a shoemaker, by name Jerome +Farusi, with his wife Marzia, and Zanetta, their only daughter--a +perfect beauty sixteen years of age. The young actor fell in love +with this girl, succeeded in gaining her affection, and in obtaining +her consent to a runaway match. It was the only way to win her, for, +being an actor, he never could have had Marzia's consent, still less +Jerome's, as in their eyes a player was a most awful individual. The +young lovers, provided with the necessary certificates and +accompanied by two witnesses, presented themselves before the +Patriarch of Venice, who performed over them the marriage ceremony. +Marzia, Zanetta's mother, indulged in a good deal of exclamation, and +the father died broken-hearted. + +I was born nine months afterwards, on the 2nd of April, 1725. + +The following April my mother left me under the care of her own +mother, who had forgiven her as soon as she had heard that my father +had promised never to compel her to appear on the stage. This is a +promise which all actors make to the young girls they marry, and +which they never fulfil, simply because their wives never care much +about claiming from them the performance of it. Moreover, it turned +out a very fortunate thing for my mother that she had studied for the +stage, for nine years later, having been left a widow with six +children, she could not have brought them up if it had not been for +the resources she found in that profession. + +I was only one year old when my father left me to go to London, where +he had an engagement. It was in that great city that my mother made +her first appearance on the stage, and in that city likewise that she +gave birth to my brother Francois, a celebrated painter of battles, +now residing in Vienna, where he has followed his profession since +1783. + +Towards the end of the year 1728 my mother returned to Venice with +her husband, and as she had become an actress she continued her +artistic life. In 1730 she was delivered of my brother Jean, who +became Director of the Academy of painting at Dresden, and died there +in 1795; and during the three following years she became the mother +of two daughters, one of whom died at an early age, while the other +married in Dresden, where she still lived in 1798. I had also a +posthumous brother, who became a priest; he died in Rome fifteen +years ago. + +Let us now come to the dawn of my existence in the character of a +thinking being. + +The organ of memory began to develop itself in me at the beginning of +August, 1733. I had at that time reached the age of eight years and +four months. Of what may have happened to me before that period I +have not the faintest recollection. This is the circumstance. + +I was standing in the corner of a room bending towards the wall, +supporting my head, and my eyes fixed upon a stream of blood flowing +from my nose to the ground. My grandmother, Marzia, whose pet I was, +came to me, bathed my face with cold water, and, unknown to everyone +in the house, took me with her in a gondola as far as Muran, a +thickly-populated island only half a league distant from Venice. + +Alighting from the gondola, we enter a wretched hole, where we find +an old woman sitting on a rickety bed, holding a black cat in her +arms, with five or six more purring around her. The two old cronies +held together a long discourse of which, most likely, I was the +subject. At the end of the dialogue, which was carried on in the +patois of Forli, the witch having received a silver ducat from my +grandmother, opened a box, took me in her arms, placed me in the box +and locked me in it, telling me not to be frightened--a piece of +advice which would certainly have had the contrary effect, if I had +had any wits about me, but I was stupefied. I kept myself quiet in a +corner of the box, holding a handkerchief to my nose because it was +still bleeding, and otherwise very indifferent to the uproar going on +outside. I could hear in turn, laughter, weeping, singing, screams, +shrieks, and knocking against the box, but for all that I cared +nought. At last I am taken out of the box; the blood stops flowing. +The wonderful old witch, after lavishing caresses upon me, takes off +my clothes, lays me on the bed, burns some drugs, gathers the smoke +in a sheet which she wraps around me, pronounces incantations, takes +the sheet off me, and gives me five sugar-plums of a very agreeable +taste. Then she immediately rubs my temples and the nape of my neck +with an ointment exhaling a delightful perfume, and puts my clothes +on me again. She told me that my haemorrhage would little by little +leave me, provided I should never disclose to any one what she had +done to cure me, and she threatened me, on the other hand, with the +loss of all my blood and with death, should I ever breathe a word +concerning those mysteries. After having thus taught me my lesson, +she informed me that a beautiful lady would pay me a visit during the +following night, and that she would make me happy, on condition that +I should have sufficient control over myself never to mention to +anyone my having received such a visit. Upon this we left and +returned home. + +I fell asleep almost as soon as I was in bed, without giving a +thought to the beautiful visitor I was to receive; but, waking up a +few hours afterwards, I saw, or fancied I saw, coming down the +chimney, a dazzling woman, with immense hoops, splendidly attired, +and wearing on her head a crown set with precious stones, which +seemed to me sparkling with fire. With slow steps, but with a +majestic and sweet countenance, she came forward and sat on my bed; +then taking several small boxes from her pocket, she emptied their +contents over my head, softly whispering a few words, and after +giving utterance to a long speech, not a single word of which I +understood, she kissed me and disappeared the same way she had come. +I soon went again to sleep. + +The next morning, my grandmother came to dress me, and the moment she +was near my bed, she cautioned me to be silent, threatening me with +death if I dared to say anything respecting my night's adventures. +This command, laid upon me by the only woman who had complete +authority over me, and whose orders I was accustomed to obey blindly, +caused me to remember the vision, and to store it, with the seal of +secrecy, in the inmost corner of my dawning memory. I had not, +however, the slightest inclination to mention the circumstances to +anyone; in the first place, because I did not suppose it would +interest anybody, and in the second because I would not have known +whom to make a confidant of. My disease had rendered me dull and +retired; everybody pitied me and left me to myself; my life was +considered likely to be but a short one, and as to my parents, they +never spoke to me. + +After the journey to Muran, and the nocturnal visit of the fairy, I +continued to have bleeding at the nose, but less from day to day, and +my memory slowly developed itself. I learned to read in less than a +month. + +It would be ridiculous, of course, to attribute this cure to such +follies, but at the same time I think it would be wrong to assert +that they did not in any way contribute to it. As far as the +apparition of the beautiful queen is concerned, I have always deemed +it to be a dream, unless it should have been some masquerade got up +for the occasion, but it is not always in the druggist's shop that +are found the best remedies for severe diseases. Our ignorance is +every day proved by some wonderful phenomenon, and I believe this to +be the reason why it is so difficult to meet with a learned man +entirely untainted with superstition. We know, as a matter of +course, that there never have been any sorcerers in this world, yet +it is true that their power has always existed in the estimation of +those to whom crafty knaves have passed themselves off as such. +'Somnio nocturnos lemures portentaque Thessalia vides'. + +Many things become real which, at first, had no existence but in our +imagination, and, as a natural consequence, many facts which have +been attributed to Faith may not always have been miraculous, +although they are true miracles for those who lend to Faith a +boundless power. + +The next circumstance of any importance to myself which I recollect +happened three months after my trip to Muran, and six weeks before my +father's death. I give it to my readers only to convey some idea of +the manner in which my nature was expanding. + +One day, about the middle of November, I was with my brother +Francois, two years younger than I, in my father's room, watching him +attentively as he was working at optics. A large lump of crystal, +round and cut into facets, attracted my attention. I took it up, and +having brought it near my eyes I was delighted to see that it +multiplied objects. The wish to possess myself of it at once got +hold of me, and seeing myself unobserved I took my opportunity and +hid it in my pocket. + +A few minutes after this my father looked about for his crystal, and +unable to find it, he concluded that one of us must have taken it. +My brother asserted that he had not touched it, and I, although +guilty, said the same; but my father, satisfied that he could not be +mistaken, threatened to search us and to thrash the one who had told +him a story. I pretended to look for the crystal in every corner of +the room, and, watching my opportunity I slyly slipped it in the +pocket of my brother's jacket. At first I was sorry for what I had +done, for I might as well have feigned to find the crystal somewhere +about the room; but the evil deed was past recall. My father, seeing +that we were looking in vain, lost patience, searched us, found the +unlucky ball of crystal in the pocket of the innocent boy, and +inflicted upon him the promised thrashing. Three or four years later +I was foolish enough to boast before my brother of the trick I had +then played on him; he never forgave me, and has never failed to take +his revenge whenever the opportunity offered. + +However, having at a later period gone to confession, and accused +myself to the priest of the sin with every circumstance surrounding +it, I gained some knowledge which afforded me great satisfaction. My +confessor, who was a Jesuit, told me that by that deed I had verified +the meaning of my first name, Jacques, which, he said, meant, in +Hebrew, "supplanter," and that God had changed for that reason the +name of the ancient patriarch into that of Israel, which meant +"knowing." He had deceived his brother Esau. + +Six weeks after the above adventure my father was attacked with an +abscess in the head which carried him off in a week. Dr. Zambelli +first gave him oppilative remedies, and, seeing his mistake, he tried +to mend it by administering castoreum, which sent his patient into +convulsions and killed him. The abscess broke out through the ear +one minute after his death, taking its leave after killing him, as if +it had no longer any business with him. My father departed this life +in the very prime of his manhood. He was only thirty-six years of +age, but he was followed to his grave by the regrets of the public, +and more particularly of all the patricians amongst whom he was held +as above his profession, not less on account of his gentlemanly +behaviour than on account of his extensive knowledge in mechanics. + +Two days before his death, feeling that his end was at hand, my +father expressed a wish to see us all around his bed, in the presence +of his wife and of the Messieurs Grimani, three Venetian noblemen +whose protection he wished to entreat in our favour. After giving us +his blessing, he requested our mother, who was drowned in tears, to +give her sacred promise that she would not educate any of us for the +stage, on which he never would have appeared himself had he not been +led to it by an unfortunate attachment. My mother gave her promise, +and the three noblemen said that they would see to its being +faithfully kept. Circumstances helped our mother to fulfill her +word. + +At that time my mother had been pregnant for six months, and she was +allowed to remain away from the stage until after Easter. Beautiful +and young as she was, she declined all the offers of marriage which +were made to her, and, placing her trust in Providence, she +courageously devoted herself to the task of bringing up her young +family. + +She considered it a duty to think of me before the others, not so +much from a feeling of preference as in consequence of my disease, +which had such an effect upon me that it was difficult to know what +to do with me. I was very weak, without any appetite, unable to +apply myself to anything, and I had all the appearance of an idiot. +Physicians disagreed as to the cause of the disease. He loses, they +would say, two pounds of blood every week; yet there cannot be more +than sixteen or eighteen pounds in his body. What, then, can cause +so abundant a bleeding? One asserted that in me all the chyle turned +into blood; another was of opinion that the air I was breathing must, +at each inhalation, increase the quantity of blood in my lungs, and +contended that this was the reason for which I always kept my mouth +open. I heard of it all six years afterward from M. Baffo, a great +friend of my late father. + +This M. Baffo consulted the celebrated Doctor Macop, of Padua, who +sent him his opinion by writing. This consultation, which I have +still in my possession, says that our blood is an elastic fluid which +is liable to diminish or to increase in thickness, but never in +quantity, and that my haemorrhage could only proceed from the +thickness of the mass of my blood, which relieved itself in a natural +way in order to facilitate circulation. The doctor added that I +would have died long before, had not nature, in its wish for life, +assisted itself, and he concluded by stating that the cause of the +thickness of my blood could only be ascribed to the air I was +breathing and that consequently I must have a change of air, or every +hope of cure be abandoned. He thought likewise, that the stupidity +so apparent on my countenance was caused by nothing else but the +thickness of my blood. + +M. Baffo, a man of sublime genius, a most lascivious, yet a great and +original poet, was therefore instrumental in bringing about the +decision which was then taken to send me to Padua, and to him I am +indebted for my life. He died twenty years after, the last of his +ancient patrician family, but his poems, although obscene, will give +everlasting fame to his name. The state-inquisitors of Venice have +contributed to his celebrity by their mistaken strictness. Their +persecutions caused his manuscript works to become precious. They +ought to have been aware that despised things are forgotten. + +As soon as the verdict given by Professor Macop had been approved of, +the Abbe Grimani undertook to find a good boarding-house in Padua for +me, through a chemist of his acquaintance who resided in that city. +His name was Ottaviani, and he was also an antiquarian of some +repute. In a few days the boarding-house was found, and on the 2nd +day of April, 1734, on the very day I had accomplished my ninth year, +I was taken to Padua in a 'burchiello', along the Brenta Canal. We +embarked at ten o'clock in the evening, immediately after supper. + +The 'burchiello' may be considered a small floating house. There is +a large saloon with a smaller cabin at each end, and rooms for +servants fore and aft. It is a long square with a roof, and cut on +each side by glazed windows with shutters. The voyage takes eight +hours. M. Grimani, M. Baffo, and my mother accompanied me. I slept +with her in the saloon, and the two friends passed the night in one +of the cabins. My mother rose at day break, opened one of the +windows facing the bed, and the rays of the rising sun, falling on my +eyes, caused me to open them. The bed was too low for me to see the +land; I could see through the window only the tops of the trees along +the river. The boat was sailing with such an even movement that I +could not realize the fact of our moving, so that the trees, which, +one after the other, were rapidly disappearing from my sight, caused +me an extreme surprise. "Ah, dear mother!" I exclaimed, "what is +this? the trees are walking!" At that very moment the two noblemen +came in, and reading astonishment on my countenance, they asked me +what my thoughts were so busy about. "How is it," I answered, "that +the trees are walking." + +They all laughed, but my mother, heaving a great sigh, told me, in a +tone of deep pity, "The boat is moving, the trees are not. Now dress +yourself." + +I understood at once the reason of the phenomenon. "Then it may be," +said I, "that the sun does not move, and that we, on the contrary, +are revolving from west to east." At these words my good mother +fairly screamed. M. Grimani pitied my foolishness, and I remained +dismayed, grieved, and ready to cry. M. Baffo brought me life +again. He rushed to me, embraced me tenderly, and said, "Thou are +right, my child. The sun does not move; take courage, give heed to +your reasoning powers and let others laugh." + +My mother, greatly surprised, asked him whether he had taken leave of +his senses to give me such lessons; but the philosopher, not even +condescending to answer her, went on sketching a theory in harmony +with my young and simple intelligence. This was the first real +pleasure I enjoyed in my life. Had it not been for M. Baffo, this +circumstance might have been enough to degrade my understanding; the +weakness of credulity would have become part of my mind. The +ignorance of the two others would certainly have blunted in me the +edge of a faculty which, perhaps, has not carried me very far in my +after life, but to which alone I feel that I am indebted for every +particle of happiness I enjoy when I look into myself. + +We reached Padua at an early hour and went to Ottaviani's house; his +wife loaded me with caresses. I found there five or six children, +amongst them a girl of eight years, named Marie, and another of +seven, Rose, beautiful as a seraph. Ten years later Marie became the +wife of the broker Colonda, and Rose, a few years afterwards, married +a nobleman, Pierre Marcello, and had one son and two daughters, one +of whom was wedded to M. Pierre Moncenigo, and the other to a +nobleman of the Carrero family. This last marriage was afterwards +nullified. I shall have, in the course of events, to speak of all +these persons, and that is my reason for mentioning their names here. + +Ottaviani took us at once to the house where I was to board. It was +only a few yards from his own residence, at Sainte-Marie d'Advance, +in the parish of Saint-Michel, in the house of an old Sclavonian +woman, who let the first floor to Signora Mida, wife of a Sclavonian +colonel. My small trunk was laid open before the old woman, to whom +was handed an inventory of all its contents, together with six +sequins for six months paid in advance. For this small sum she +undertook to feed me, to keep me clean, and to send me to a day- +school. Protesting that it was not enough, she accepted these terms. +I was kissed and strongly commanded to be always obedient and docile, +and I was left with her. + +In this way did my family get rid of me. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +My Grandmother Comes to Padua, and Takes Me to Dr. Gozzi's School +--My First Love Affair + + +As soon as I was left alone with the Sclavonian woman, she took me up +to the garret, where she pointed out my bed in a row with four +others, three of which belonged to three young boys of my age, who at +that moment were at school, and the fourth to a servant girl whose +province it was to watch us and to prevent the many peccadilloes in +which school-boys are wont to indulge. After this visit we came +downstairs, and I was taken to the garden with permission to walk +about until dinner-time. + +I felt neither happy nor unhappy; I had nothing to say. I had +neither fear nor hope, nor even a feeling of curiosity; I was neither +cheerful nor sad. The only thing which grated upon me was the face +of the mistress of the house. Although I had not the faintest idea +either of beauty or of ugliness, her face, her countenance, her tone +of voice, her language, everything in that woman was repulsive to me. +Her masculine features repelled me every time I lifted my eyes +towards her face to listen to what she said to me. She was tall and +coarse like a trooper; her complexion was yellow, her hair black, her +eyebrows long and thick, and her chin gloried in a respectable +bristly beard: to complete the picture, her hideous, half-naked bosom +was hanging half-way down her long chest; she may have been about +fifty. The servant was a stout country girl, who did all the work of +the house; the garden was a square of some thirty feet, which had no +other beauty than its green appearance. + +Towards noon my three companions came back from school, and they at +once spoke to me as if we had been old acquaintances, naturally +giving me credit for such intelligence as belonged to my age, but +which I did not possess. I did not answer them, but they were not +baffled, and they at last prevailed upon me to share their innocent +pleasures. I had to run, to carry and be carried, to turn head over +heels, and I allowed myself to be initiated into those arts with a +pretty good grace until we were summoned to dinner. I sat down to +the table; but seeing before me a wooden spoon, I pushed it back, +asking for my silver spoon and fork to which I was much attached, +because they were a gift from my good old granny. The servant +answered that the mistress wished to maintain equality between the +boys, and I had to submit, much to my disgust. Having thus learned +that equality in everything was the rule of the house, I went to work +like the others and began to eat the soup out of the common dish, and +if I did not complain of the rapidity with which my companions made +it disappear, I could not help wondering at such inequality being +allowed. To follow this very poor soup, we had a small portion of +dried cod and one apple each, and dinner was over: it was in Lent. +We had neither glasses nor cups, and we all helped ourselves out of +the same earthen pitcher to a miserable drink called graspia, which +is made by boiling in water the stems of grapes stripped of their +fruit. From the following day I drank nothing but water. This way +of living surprised me, for I did not know whether I had a right to +complain of it. After dinner the servant took me to the school, kept +by a young priest, Doctor Gozzi, with whom the Sclavonian woman had +bargained for my schooling at the rate of forty sous a month, or the +eleventh part of a sequin. + +The first thing to do was to teach me writing, and I was placed +amongst children of five and six years, who did not fail to turn me +into ridicule on account of my age. + +On my return to the boarding-house I had my supper, which, as a +matter of course, was worse than the dinner, and I could not make out +why the right of complaint should be denied me. I was then put to +bed, but there three well-known species of vermin kept me awake all +night, besides the rats, which, running all over the garret, jumped +on my bed and fairly made my blood run cold with fright. This is the +way in which I began to feel misery, and to learn how to suffer it +patiently. The vermin, which feasted upon me, lessened my fear of +the rats, and by a very lucky system of compensation, the dread of +the rats made me less sensitive to the bites of the vermin. My mind +was reaping benefit from the very struggle fought between the evils +which surrounded me. The servant was perfectly deaf to my screaming. + +As soon as it was daylight I ran out of the wretched garret, and, +after complaining to the girl of all I had endured during the night, +I asked her to give me a Clean shirt, the one I had on being +disgusting to look at, but she answered that I could only change my +linen on a Sunday, and laughed at me when I threatened to complain to +the mistress. For the first time in my life I shed tears of sorrow +and of anger, when I heard my companions scoffing at me. The poor +wretches shared my unhappy condition, but they were used to it, and +that makes all the difference. + +Sorely depressed, I went to school, but only to sleep soundly through +the morning. One of my comrades, in the hope of turning the affair +into ridicule at my expense, told the doctor the reason of my being +so sleepy. The good priest, however, to whom without doubt +Providence had guided me, called me into his private room, listened +to all I had to say, saw with his own eyes the proofs of my misery, +and moved by the sight of the blisters which disfigured my innocent +skin, he took up his cloak, went with me to my boarding-house, and +shewed the woman the state I was in. She put on a look of great +astonishment, and threw all the blame upon the servant. The doctor +being curious to see my bed, I was, as much as he was, surprised at +the filthy state of the sheets in which I had passed the night. The +accursed woman went on blaming the servant, and said that she would +discharge her; but the girl, happening to be close by, and not +relishing the accusation, told her boldly that the fault was her own, +and she then threw open the beds of my companions to shew us that +they did not experience any better treatment. The mistress, raving, +slapped her on the face, and the servant, to be even with her, +returned the compliment and ran away. The doctor left me there, +saying that I could not enter his school unless I was sent to him as +clean as the other boys. The result for me was a very sharp rebuke, +with the threat, as a finishing stroke, that if I ever caused such a +broil again, I would be ignominiously turned out of the house. + +I could not make it out; I had just entered life, and I had no +knowledge of any other place but the house in which I had been born, +in which I had been brought up, and in which I had always seen +cleanliness and honest comfort. Here I found myself ill-treated, +scolded, although it did not seem possible that any blame could be +attached to me. At last the old shrew tossed a shirt in my face, and +an hour later I saw a new servant changing the sheets, after which we +had our dinner. + +My schoolmaster took particular care in instructing me. He gave me a +seat at his own desk, and in order to shew my proper appreciation of +such a favour, I gave myself up to my studies; at the end of the +first month I could write so well that I was promoted to the grammar +class. + +The new life I was leading, the half-starvation system to which I was +condemned, and most likely more than everything else, the air of +Padua, brought me health such as I had never enjoyed before, but that +very state of blooming health made it still more difficult for me to +bear the hunger which I was compelled to endure; it became +unbearable. I was growing rapidly; I enjoyed nine hours of deep +sleep, unbroken by any dreams, save that I always fancied myself +sitting at a well-spread table, and gratifying my cruel appetite, but +every morning I could realize in full the vanity and the unpleasant +disappointment of flattering dreams! This ravenous appetite would at +last have weakened me to death, had I not made up my mind to pounce +upon, and to swallow, every kind of eatables I could find, whenever I +was certain of not being seen. + +Necessity begets ingenuity. I had spied in a cupboard of the kitchen +some fifty red herrings; I devoured them all one after the other, as +well as all the sausages which were hanging in the chimney to be +smoked; and in order to accomplish those feats without being +detected, I was in the habit of getting up at night and of +undertaking my foraging expeditions under the friendly veil of +darkness. Every new-laid egg I could discover in the poultry-yard, +quite warm and scarcely dropped by the hen, was a most delicious +treat. I would even go as far as the kitchen of the schoolmaster in +the hope of pilfering something to eat. + +The Sclavonian woman, in despair at being unable to catch the +thieves, turned away servant after servant. But, in spite of all my +expeditions, as I could not always find something to steal, I was as +thin as a walking skeleton. + +My progress at school was so rapid during four or five months that +the master promoted me to the rank of dux. My province was to +examine the lessons of my thirty school-fellows, to correct their +mistakes and report to the master with whatever note of blame or of +approval I thought they deserved; but my strictness did not last +long, for idle boys soon found out the way to enlist my sympathy. +When their Latin lesson was full of mistakes, they would buy me off +with cutlets and roast chickens; they even gave me money. These +proceedings excited my covetousness, or, rather, my gluttony, and, +not satisfied with levying a tax upon the ignorant, I became a +tyrant, and I refused well-merited approbation to all those who +declined paying the contribution I demanded. At last, unable to bear +my injustice any longer, the boys accused me, and the master, seeing +me convicted of extortion, removed me from my exalted position. I +would very likely have fared badly after my dismissal, had not Fate +decided to put an end to my cruel apprenticeship. + +Doctor Gozzi, who was attached to me, called me privately one day +into his study, and asked me whether I would feel disposed to carry +out the advice he would give me in order to bring about my removal +from the house of the Sclavonian woman, and my admission in his own +family. Finding me delighted at such an offer, he caused me to copy +three letters which I sent, one to the Abbe Grimani, another to my +friend Baffo, and the last to my excellent grandam. The half-year +was nearly out, and my mother not being in Venice at that period +there was no time to lose. + +In my letters I gave a description of all my sufferings, and I +prognosticated my death were I not immediately removed from my +boarding-house and placed under the care of my school-master, who was +disposed to receive me; but he wanted two sequins a month. + +M. Grimani did not answer me, and commissioned his friend Ottaviani +to scold me for allowing myself to be ensnared by the doctor; but M. +Baffo went to consult with my grandmother, who could not write, and +in a letter which he addressed to me he informed me that I would soon +find myself in a happier situation. And, truly, within a week the +excellent old woman, who loved me until her death, made her +appearance as I was sitting down to my dinner. She came in with the +mistress of the house, and the moment I saw her I threw my arms +around her neck, crying bitterly, in which luxury the old lady soon +joined me. She sat down and took me on her knees; my courage rose +again. In the presence of the Sclavonian woman I enumerated all my +grievances, and after calling her attention to the food, fit only for +beggars, which I was compelled to swallow, I took her upstairs to +shew her my bed. I begged her to take me out and give me a good +dinner after six months of such starvation. The boarding-house +keeper boldly asserted that she could not afford better for the +amount she had received, and there was truth in that, but she had no +business to keep house and to become the tormentor of poor children +who were thrown on her hands by stinginess, and who required to be +properly fed. + +My grandmother very quietly intimated her intention to take me away +forthwith, and asked her to put all my things in my trunk. I cannot +express my joy during these preparations. For the first time I felt +that kind of happiness which makes forgiveness compulsory upon the +being who enjoys it, and causes him to forget all previous +unpleasantness. My grandmother took me to the inn, and dinner was +served, but she could hardly eat anything in her astonishment at the +voracity with which I was swallowing my food. In the meantime Doctor +Gozzi, to whom she had sent notice of her arrival, came in, and his +appearance soon prepossessed her in his favour. He was then a fine- +looking priest, twenty-six years of age, chubby, modest, and +respectful. In less than a quarter of an hour everything was +satisfactorily arranged between them. The good old lady counted out +twenty-four sequins for one year of my schooling, and took a receipt +for the same, but she kept me with her for three days in order to +have me clothed like a priest, and to get me a wig, as the filthy +state of my hair made it necessary to have it all cut off. + +At the end of the three days she took me to the doctor's house, so as +to see herself to my installation and to recommend me to the doctor's +mother, who desired her to send or to buy in Padua a bedstead and +bedding; but the doctor having remarked that, his own bed being very +wide, I might sleep with him, my grandmother expressed her gratitude +for all his kindness, and we accompanied her as far as the burchiello +she had engaged to return to Venice. + +The family of Doctor Gozzi was composed of his mother, who had great +reverence for him, because, a peasant by birth, she did not think +herself worthy of having a son who was a priest, and still more a +doctor in divinity; she was plain, old, and cross; and of his father, +a shoemaker by trade, working all day long and never addressing a +word to anyone, not even during the meals. He only became a sociable +being on holidays, on which occasions he would spend his time with +his friends in some tavern, coming home at midnight as drunk as a +lord and singing verses from Tasso. When in this blissful state the +good man could not make up his mind to go to bed, and became violent +if anyone attempted to compel him to lie down. Wine alone gave him +sense and spirit, for when sober he was incapable of attending to the +simplest family matter, and his wife often said that he never would +have married her had not his friends taken care to give him a good +breakfast before he went to the church. + +But Doctor Gozzi had also a sister, called Bettina, who at the age of +thirteen was pretty, lively, and a great reader of romances. Her +father and mother scolded her constantly because she was too often +looking out of the window, and the doctor did the same on account of +her love for reading. This girl took at once my fancy without my +knowing why, and little by little she kindled in my heart the first +spark of a passion which, afterwards became in me the ruling one. + +Six months after I had been an inmate in the house, the doctor found +himself without scholars; they all went away because I had become the +sole object of his affection. He then determined to establish a +college, and to receive young boys as boarders; but two years passed +before he met with any success. During that period he taught me +everything he knew; true, it was not much; yet it was enough to open +to me the high road to all sciences. He likewise taught me the +violin, an accomplishment which proved very useful to me in a +peculiar circumstance, the particulars of which I will give in good +time. The excellent doctor, who was in no way a philosopher, made me +study the logic of the Peripatetics, and the cosmography of the +ancient system of Ptolemy, at which I would laugh, teasing the poor +doctor with theorems to which he could find no answer. His habits, +moreover, were irreproachable, and in all things connected with +religion, although no bigot, he was of the greatest strictness, and, +admitting everything as an article of faith, nothing appeared +difficult to his conception. He believed the deluge to have been +universal, and he thought that, before that great cataclysm, men +lived a thousand years and conversed with God, that Noah took one +hundred years to build the ark, and that the earth, suspended in the +air, is firmly held in the very centre of the universe which God had +created from nothing. When I would say and prove that it was absurd +to believe in the existence of nothingness, he would stop me short +and call me a fool. + +He could enjoy a good bed, a glass of wine, and cheerfulness at home. +He did not admire fine wits, good jests or criticism, because it +easily turns to slander, and he would laugh at the folly of men +reading newspapers which, in his opinion, always lied and constantly +repeated the same things. He asserted that nothing was more +troublesome than incertitude, and therefore he condemned thought +because it gives birth to doubt. + +His ruling passion was preaching, for which his face and his voice +qualified him; his congregation was almost entirely composed of women +of whom, however, he was the sworn enemy; so much so, that he would +not look them in the face even when he spoke to them. Weakness of +the flesh and fornication appeared to him the most monstrous of sins, +and he would be very angry if I dared to assert that, in my +estimation, they were the most venial of faults. His sermons were +crammed with passages from the Greek authors, which he translated +into Latin. One day I ventured to remark that those passages ought +to be translated into Italian because women did not understand Latin +any more than Greek, but he took offence, and I never had afterwards +the courage to allude any more to the matter. Moreover he praised me +to his friends as a wonder, because I had learned to read Greek +alone, without any assistance but a grammar. + +During Lent, in the year 1736, my mother, wrote to the doctor; and, +as she was on the point of her departure for St. Petersburg, she +wished to see me, and requested him to accompany me to Venice for +three or four days. This invitation set him thinking, for he had +never seen Venice, never frequented good company, and yet he did not +wish to appear a novice in anything. We were soon ready to leave +Padua, and all the family escorted us to the 'burchiello'. + +My mother received the doctor with a most friendly welcome; but she +was strikingly beautiful, and my poor master felt very uncomfortable, +not daring to look her in the face, and yet called upon to converse +with her. She saw the dilemma he was in, and thought she would have +some amusing sport about it should opportunity present itself. I, in +the meantime, drew the attention of everyone in her circle; everybody +had known me as a fool, and was amazed at my improvement in the short +space of two years. The doctor was overjoyed, because he saw that +the full credit of my transformation was given to him. + +The first thing which struck my mother unpleasantly was my light- +coloured wig, which was not in harmony with my dark complexion, and +contrasted most woefully with my black eyes and eyebrows. She +inquired from the doctor why I did not wear my own hair, and he +answered that, with a wig, it was easier for his sister to keep me +clean. Everyone smiled at the simplicity of the answer, but the +merriment increased when, to the question made by my mother whether +his sister was married, I took the answer upon myself, and said that +Bettina was the prettiest girl of Padua, and was only fourteen years +of age. My mother promised the doctor a splendid present for his +sister on condition that she would let me wear my own hair, and he +promised that her wishes would be complied with. The peruke-maker +was then called, and I had a wig which matched my complexion. + +Soon afterwards all the guests began to play cards, with the +exception of my master, and I went to see my brothers in my +grandmother's room. Francois shewed me some architectural designs +which I pretended to admire; Jean had nothing to skew me, and I +thought him a rather insignificant boy. The others were still very +young. + +At the supper-table, the doctor, seated next to my mother, was very +awkward. He would very likely not have said one word, had not an +Englishman, a writer of talent, addressed him in Latin; but the +doctor, being unable to make him out, modestly answered that he did +not understand English, which caused much hilarity. M. Baffo, +however, explained the puzzle by telling us that Englishmen read and +pronounced Latin in the same way that they read and spoke their own +language, and I remarked that Englishmen were wrong as much as we +would be, if we pretended to read and to pronounce their language +according to Latin rules. The Englishman, pleased with my reasoning, +wrote down the following old couplet, and gave it to me to read: + + 'Dicite, grammatici, cur mascula nomina cunnus, + Et cur femineum mentula nomen habet.' + +After reading it aloud, I exclaimed, "This is Latin indeed." + +"We know that," said my mother, "but can you explain it," + +"To explain it is not enough," I answered; "it is a question which is +worthy of an answer." And after considering for a moment, I wrote +the following pentameter + + 'Disce quod a domino nomina servus habet.' + +This was my first literary exploit, and I may say that in that very +instant the seed of my love for literary fame was sown in my breast, +for the applause lavished upon me exalted me to the very pinnacle of +happiness. The Englishman, quite amazed at my answer, said that no +boy of eleven years had ever accomplished such a feat, embraced me +repeatedly, and presented me with his watch. My mother, inquisitive +like a woman, asked M. Grimani to tell her the meaning of the lines, +but as the abbe was not any wiser than she was M. Baffo translated it +in a whisper. Surprised at my knowledge, she rose from her chair to +get a valuable gold watch and presented to my master, who, not +knowing how to express his deep gratitude, treated us to the most +comic scene. My mother, in order to save him from the difficulty of +paying her a compliment, offered him her cheek. He had only to give +her a couple of kisses, the easiest and the most innocent thing in +good company; but the poor man was on burning coals, and so +completely out of countenance that he would, I truly believe, rather +have died than give the kisses. He drew back with his head down, and +he was allowed to remain in peace until we retired for the night. + +When we found ourselves alone in our room, he poured out his heart, +and exclaimed that it was a pity he could not publish in Padua the +distich and my answer. + +"And why not?" I said. + +"Because both are obscene." + +"But they are sublime." + +"Let us go to bed and speak no more on the subject. Your answer was +wonderful, because you cannot possibly know anything of the subject +in question, or of the manner in which verses ought to be written." + +As far as the subject was concerned, I knew it by theory; for, +unknown to the doctor, and because he had forbidden it, I had read +Meursius, but it was natural that he should be amazed at my being +able to write verses, when he, who had taught me prosody, never could +compose a single line. 'Nemo dat quod non habet' is a false axiom +when applied to mental acquirements. + +Four days afterwards, as we were preparing for our departure, my +mother gave me a parcel for Bettina, and M. Grimani presented me with +four sequins to buy books. A week later my mother left for St. +Petersburg. + +After our return to Padua, my good master for three or four months +never ceased to speak of my mother, and Bettina, having found in the +parcel five yards of black silk and twelve pairs of gloves, became +singularly attached to me, and took such good care of my hair that +in less than six months I was able to give up wearing the wig. She +used to comb my hair every morning, often before I was out of bed, +saying that she had not time to wait until I was dressed. She washed +my face, my neck, my chest; lavished on me childish caresses which I +thought innocent, but which caused me to, be angry with myself, +because I felt that they excited me. Three years younger than she +was, it seemed to me that she could not love me with any idea of +mischief, and the consciousness of my own vicious excitement put me +out of temper with myself. When, seated on my bed, she would say +that I was getting stouter, and would have the proof of it with her +own hands, she caused me the most intense emotion; but I said +nothing, for fear she would remark my sensitiveness, and when she +would go on saying that my skin was soft, the tickling sensation made +me draw back, angry with myself that I did not dare to do the same to +her, but delighted at her not guessing how I longed to do it. When I +was dressed, she often gave me the sweetest kisses, calling me her +darling child, but whatever wish I had to follow her example, I was +not yet bold enough. After some time, however, Bettina laughing at +my timidity, I became more daring and returned her kisses with +interest, but I always gave way the moment I felt a wish to go +further; I then would turn my head, pretending to look for something, +and she would go away. She was scarcely out of the room before I was +in despair at not having followed the inclination of my nature, and, +astonished at the fact that Bettina could do to me all she was in the +habit of doing without feeling any excitement from it, while I could +hardly refrain from pushing my attacks further, I would every day +determine to change my way of acting. + +In the early part of autumn, the doctor received three new boarders; +and one of them, who was fifteen years old, appeared to me in less +than a month on very friendly terms with Bettina. + +This circumstance caused me a feeling of which until then I had no +idea, and which I only analyzed a few years afterwards. It was +neither jealousy nor indignation, but a noble contempt which I +thought ought not to be repressed, because Cordiani, an ignorant, +coarse boy, without talent or polite education, the son of a simple +farmer, and incapable of competing with me in anything, having over +me but the advantage of dawning manhood, did not appear to me a fit +person to be preferred to me; my young self-esteem whispered that I +was above him. I began to nurse a feeling of pride mixed with +contempt which told against Bettina, whom I loved unknown to myself. +She soon guessed it from the way I would receive her caresses, when +she came to comb my hair while I was in bed; I would repulse her +hands, and no longer return her kisses. One day, vexed at my +answering her question as to the reason of my change towards her by +stating that I had no cause for it, she, told me in a tone of +commiseration that I was jealous of Cordiani. This reproach sounded +to me like a debasing slander. I answered that Cordiani was, in my +estimation, as worthy of her as she was worthy of him. She went away +smiling, but, revolving in her mind the only way by which she could +be revenged, she thought herself bound to render me jealous. +However, as she could not attain such an end without making me fall +in love with her, this is the policy she adopted. + +One morning she came to me as I was in bed and brought me a pair of +white stockings of her own knitting. After dressing my hair, she +asked my permission to try the stockings on herself, in order to +correct any deficiency in the other pairs she intended to knit for +me. The doctor had gone out to say his mass. As she was putting on +the stocking, she remarked that my legs were not clean, and without +any more ado she immediately began to wash them. I would have been +ashamed to let her see my bashfulness; I let her do as she liked, not +foreseeing what would happen. Bettina, seated on my bed, carried too +far her love for cleanliness, and her curiosity caused me such +intense voluptuousness that the feeling did not stop until it could +be carried no further. Having recovered my calm, I bethought myself +that I was guilty and begged her forgiveness. She did not expect +this, and, after considering for a few moments, she told me kindly +that the fault was entirely her own, but that she never would again +be guilty of it. And she went out of the room, leaving me to my own +thoughts. + +They were of a cruel character. It seemed to me that I had brought +dishonour upon Bettina, that I had betrayed the confidence of her +family, offended against the sacred laws of hospitality, that I was +guilty of a most wicked crime, which I could only atone for by +marrying her, in case Bettina could make up her mind to accept for +her husband a wretch unworthy of her. + +These thoughts led to a deep melancholy which went on increasing from +day to day, Bettina having entirely ceased her morning visits by my +bedside. During the first week, I could easily account for the +girl's reserve, and my sadness would soon have taken the character of +the warmest love, had not her manner towards Cordiani inoculated in +my veins the poison of jealousy, although I never dreamed of accusing +her of the same crime towards him that she had committed upon me. + +I felt convinced, after due consideration, that the act she had been +guilty of with me had been deliberately done, and that her feelings +of repentance kept her away from me. This conviction was rather +flattering to my vanity, as it gave me the hope of being loved, and +the end of all my communings was that I made up my mind to write to +her, and thus to give her courage. + +I composed a letter, short but calculated to restore peace to her +mind, whether she thought herself guilty, or suspected me of feelings +contrary to those which her dignity might expect from me. My letter +was, in my own estimation, a perfect masterpiece, and just the kind +of epistle by which I was certain to conquer her very adoration, and +to sink for ever the sun of Cordiani, whom I could not accept as the +sort of being likely to make her hesitate for one instant in her +choice between him and me. Half-an-hour after the receipt of my +letter, she told me herself that the next morning she would pay me +her usual visit, but I waited in vain. This conduct provoked me +almost to madness, but my surprise was indeed great when, at the +breakfast table, she asked me whether I would let her dress me up as +a girl to accompany her five or six days later to a ball for which a +neighbour of ours, Doctor Olivo, had sent letters of invitation. +Everybody having seconded the motion, I gave my consent. I thought +this arrangement would afford a favourable opportunity for an +explanation, for mutual vindication, and would open a door for the +most complete reconciliation, without fear of any surprise arising +from the proverbial weakness of the flesh. But a most unexpected +circumstance prevented our attending the ball, and brought forth a +comedy with a truly tragic turn. + +Doctor Gozzi's godfather, a man advanced in age, and in easy +circumstances, residing in the country, thought himself, after a +severe illness, very near his end, and sent to the doctor a carriage +with a request to come to him at once with his father, as he wished +them to be present at his death, and to pray for his departing soul. +The old shoemaker drained a bottle, donned his Sunday clothes, and +went off with his son. + +I thought this a favourable opportunity and determined to improve it, +considering that the night of the ball was too remote to suit my +impatience. I therefore managed to tell Bettina that I would leave +ajar the door of my room, and that I would wait for her as soon as +everyone in the house had gone to bed. She promised to come. She +slept on the ground floor in a small closet divided only by a +partition from her father's chamber; the doctor being away, I was +alone in the large room. The three boarders had their apartment in a +different part of the house, and I had therefore no mishap to fear. +I was delighted at the idea that I had at last reached the moment so +ardently desired. + +The instant I was in my room I bolted my door and opened the one +leading to the passage, so that Bettina should have only to push it +in order to come in; I then put my light out, but did not undress. +When we read of such situations in a romance we think they are +exaggerated; they are not so, and the passage in which Ariosto +represents Roger waiting for Alcine is a beautiful picture painted +from nature. + +Until midnight I waited without feeling much anxiety; but I heard the +clock strike two, three, four o'clock in the morning without seeing +Bettina; my blood began to boil, and I was soon in a state of furious +rage. It was snowing hard, but I shook from passion more than from +cold. One hour before day-break, unable to master any longer my +impatience, I made up my mind to go downstairs with bare feet, so as +not to wake the dog, and to place myself at the bottom of the stairs +within a yard of Bettina's door, which ought to have been opened if +she had gone out of her room. I reached the door; it was closed, and +as it could be locked only from inside I imagined that Bettina had +fallen asleep. I was on the point of knocking at the door, but was +prevented by fear of rousing the dog, as from that door to that of +her closet there was a distance of three or four yards. Overwhelmed +with grief, and unable to take a decision, I sat down on the last +step of the stairs; but at day-break, chilled, benumbed, shivering +with cold, afraid that the servant would see me and would think I was +mad, I determined to go back to my room. I arise, but at that very +moment I hear some noise in Bettina's room. Certain that I am going +to see her, and hope lending me new strength, I draw nearer to the +door. It opens; but instead of Bettina coming out I see Cordiani, +who gives me such a furious kick in the stomach that I am thrown at a +distance deep in the snow. Without stopping a single instant +Cordiani is off, and locks himself up in the room which he shared +with the brothers Feltrini. + +I pick myself up quickly with the intention of taking my revenge upon +Bettina, whom nothing could have saved from the effects of my rage at +that moment. But I find her door locked; I kick vigorously against +it, the dog starts a loud barking, and I make a hurried retreat to my +room, in which I lock myself up, throwing myself in bed to compose +and heal up my mind and body, for I was half dead. + +Deceived, humbled, ill-treated, an object of contempt to the happy +and triumphant Cordiani, I spent three hours ruminating the darkest +schemes of revenge. To poison them both seemed to me but a trifle in +that terrible moment of bitter misery. This project gave way to +another as extravagant, as cowardly-namely, to go at once to her +brother and disclose everything to him. I was twelve years of age, +and my mind had not yet acquired sufficient coolness to mature +schemes of heroic revenge, which are produced by false feelings of +honour; this was only my apprenticeship in such adventures. + +I was in that state of mind when suddenly I heard outside of my door +the gruff voice of Bettina's mother, who begged me to come down, +adding that her daughter was dying. As I would have been very sorry +if she had departed this life before she could feel the effects of my +revenge, I got up hurriedly and went downstairs. I found Bettina +lying in her father's bed writhing with fearful convulsions, and +surrounded by the whole family. Half dressed, nearly bent in two, +she was throwing her body now to the right, now to the left, striking +at random with her feet and with her fists, and extricating herself +by violent shaking from the hands of those who endeavoured to keep +her down. + +With this sight before me, and the night's adventure still in my +mind, I hardly knew what to think. I had no knowledge of human +nature, no knowledge of artifice and tricks, and I could not +understand how I found myself coolly witnessing such a scene, and +composedly calm in the presence of two beings, one of whom I intended +to kill and the other to dishonour. At the end of an hour Bettina +fell asleep. + +A nurse and Doctor Olivo came soon after. The first said that the +convulsions were caused by hysterics, but the doctor said no, and +prescribed rest and cold baths. I said nothing, but I could not +refrain from laughing at them, for I knew, or rather guessed, that +Bettina's sickness was the result of her nocturnal employment, or of +the fright which she must have felt at my meeting with Cordiani. At +all events, I determined to postpone my revenge until the return of +her brother, although I had not the slightest suspicion that her +illness was all sham, for I did not give her credit for so much +cleverness. + +To return to my room I had to pass through Bettina's closet, and +seeing her dress handy on the bed I took it into my head to search +her pockets. I found a small note, and recognizing Cordiani's +handwriting, I took possession of it to read it in my room. I +marvelled at the girl's imprudence, for her mother might have +discovered it, and being unable to read would very likely have given +it to the doctor, her son. I thought she must have taken leave of +her senses, but my feelings may be appreciated when I read the +following words: "As your father is away it is not necessary to leave +your door ajar as usual. When we leave the supper-table I will go to +your closet; you will find me there." + +When I recovered from my stupor I gave way to an irresistible fit of +laughter, and seeing how completely I had been duped I thought I was +cured of my love. Cordiani appeared to me deserving of forgiveness, +and Bettina of contempt. I congratulated myself upon having received +a lesson of such importance for the remainder of my life. I even +went so far as to acknowledge to myself that Bettina had been quite +right in giving the preference to Cordiani, who was fifteen years +old, while I was only a child. Yet, in spite of my good disposition +to forgiveness, the kick administered by Cordiani was still heavy +upon my memory, and I could not help keeping a grudge against him. + +At noon, as we were at dinner in the kitchen, where we took our meals +on account of the cold weather, Bettina began again to raise piercing +screams. Everybody rushed to her room, but I quietly kept my seat +and finished my dinner, after which I went to my studies. In the +evening when I came down to supper I found that Bettina's bed had +been brought to the kitchen close by her mother's; but it was no +concern of mine, and I remained likewise perfectly indifferent to the +noise made during the night, and to the confusion which took place in +the morning, when she had a fresh fit of convulsions. + +Doctor Gozzi and his father returned in the evening. Cordiani, who +felt uneasy, came to inquire from me what my intentions were, but I +rushed towards him with an open penknife in my hand, and he beat a +hasty retreat. I had entirely abandoned the idea of relating the +night's scandalous adventure to the doctor, for such a project I +could only entertain in a moment of excitement and rage. The next +day the mother came in while we were at our lesson, and told the +doctor, after a lengthened preamble, that she had discovered the +character of her daughter's illness; that it was caused by a spell +thrown over her by a witch, and that she knew the witch well. + +"It may be, my dear mother, but we must be careful not to make a +mistake. Who is the witch?" + +"Our old servant, and I have just had a proof of it." + +"How so?" + +"I have barred the door of my room with two broomsticks placed in the +shape of a cross, which she must have undone to go in; but when she +saw them she drew back, and she went round by the other door. It is +evident that, were she not a witch, she would not be afraid of +touching them." + +"It is not complete evidence, dear mother; send the woman to me." + +The servant made her appearance. + +"Why," said the doctor, "did you not enter my mother's room this +morning through the usual door?" + +"I do not know what you mean." + +"Did you not see the St. Andrew's cross on the door?" + +"What cross is that?" + +"It is useless to plead ignorance," said the mother; "where did you +sleep last Thursday night?" + +"At my niece's, who had just been confined." + +"Nothing of the sort. You were at the witches' Sabbath; you are a +witch, and have bewitched my daughter." + +The poor woman, indignant at such an accusation, spits at her +mistress's face; the mistress, enraged, gets hold of a stick to give +the servant a drubbing; the doctor endeavours to keep his mother +back, but he is compelled to let her loose and to run after the +servant, who was hurrying down the stairs, screaming and howling in +order to rouse the neighbours; he catches her, and finally succeeds +in pacifying her with some money. + +After this comical but rather scandalous exhibition, the doctor +donned his vestments for the purpose of exorcising his sister and of +ascertaining whether she was truly possessed of an unclean spirit. +The novelty of this mystery attracted the whole of my attention. All +the inmates of the house appeared to me either mad or stupid, for I +could not, for the life of me, imagine that diabolical spirits were +dwelling in Bettina's body. When we drew near her bed, her breathing +had, to all appearance, stopped, and the exorcisms of her brother did +not restore it. Doctor Olivo happened to come in at that moment, and +inquired whether he would be in the way; he was answered in the +negative, provided he had faith. + +Upon which he left, saying that he had no faith in any miracles +except in those of the Gospel. + +Soon after Doctor Gozzi went to his room, and finding myself alone +with Bettina I bent down over her bed and whispered in her ear. + +"Take courage, get well again, and rely upon my discretion." + +She turned her head towards the wall and did not answer me, but the +day passed off without any more convulsions. I thought I had cured +her, but on the following day the frenzy went up to the brain, and in +her delirium she pronounced at random Greek and Latin words without +any meaning, and then no doubt whatever was entertained of her being +possessed of the evil spirit. Her mother went out and returned soon, +accompanied by the most renowned exorcist of Padua, a very ill- +featured Capuchin, called Friar Prospero da Bovolenta. + +The moment Bettina saw the exorcist, she burst into loud laughter, +and addressed to him the most offensive insults, which fairly +delighted everybody, as the devil alone could be bold enough to +address a Capuchin in such a manner; but the holy man, hearing +himself called an obtrusive ignoramus and a stinkard, went on +striking Bettina with a heavy crucifix, saying that he was beating +the devil. He stopped only when he saw her on the point of hurling +at him the chamber utensil which she had just seized. "If it is the +devil who has offended thee with his words," she said, "resent the +insult with words likewise, jackass that thou art, but if I have +offended thee myself, learn, stupid booby, that thou must respect me, +and be off at once." + +I could see poor Doctor Gozzi blushing; the friar, however, held his +ground, and, armed at all points, began to read a terrible exorcism, +at the end of which he commanded the devil to state his name. + +"My name is Bettina." + +"It cannot be, for it is the name of a baptized girl." + +"Then thou art of opinion that a devil must rejoice in a masculine +name? Learn, ignorant friar, that a devil is a spirit, and does not +belong to either sex. But as thou believest that a devil is speaking +to thee through my lips, promise to answer me with truth, and I will +engage to give way before thy incantations." + +"Very well, I agree to this." + +"Tell me, then, art thou thinking that thy knowledge is greater than +mine?" + +"No, but I believe myself more powerful in the name of the holy +Trinity, and by my sacred character." + +"If thou art more powerful than I, then prevent me from telling thee +unpalatable truths. Thou art very vain of thy beard, thou art +combing and dressing it ten times a day, and thou would'st not shave +half of it to get me out of this body. Cut off thy beard, and I +promise to come out." + +"Father of lies, I will increase thy punishment a hundred fold." + +"I dare thee to do it." + +After saying these words, Bettina broke into such a loud peal of +laughter, that I could not refrain from joining in it. The Capuchin, +turning towards Doctor Gozzi, told him that I was wanting in faith, +and that I ought to leave the room; which I did, remarking that he +had guessed rightly. I was not yet out of the room when the friar +offered his hand to Bettina for her to kiss, and I had the pleasure +of seeing her spit upon it. + +This strange girl, full of extraordinary talent, made rare sport of +the friar, without causing any surprise to anyone, as all her answers +were attributed to the devil. I could not conceive what her purpose +was in playing such a part. + +The Capuchin dined with us, and during the meal he uttered a good +deal of nonsense. After dinner, he returned to Bettina's chamber, +with the intention of blessing her, but as soon as she caught sight +of him, she took up a glass full of some black mixture sent from the +apothecary, and threw it at his head. Cordiani, being close by the +friar, came in for a good share of the liquid-an accident which +afforded me the greatest delight. Bettina was quite right to improve +her opportunity, as everything she did was, of course, put to the +account of the unfortunate devil. Not overmuch pleased, Friar +Prospero, as he left the house, told the doctor that there was no +doubt of the girl being possessed, but that another exorcist must be +sent for, since he had not, himself, obtained God's grace to eject +the evil spirit. + +After he had gone, Bettina kept very calm for six hours, and in the +evening, to our great surprise, she joined us at the supper table. +She told her parents that she felt quite well, spoke to her brother, +and then, addressing me, she remarked that, the ball taking place on +the morrow, she would come to my room in the morning to dress my hair +like a girl's. I thanked her, and said that, as she had been so ill, +she ought to nurse herself. She soon retired to bed, and we remained +at the table, talking of her. + +When I was undressing for the night, I took up my night-cap, and +found in it a small note with these words: "You must accompany me to +the ball, disguised as a girl, or I will give you a sight which will +cause you to weep." + +I waited until the doctor was asleep, and I wrote the following +answer: "I cannot go to the ball, because I have fully made up my +mind to avoid every opportunity of being alone with you. As for the +painful sight with which you threaten to entertain me, I believe you +capable of keeping your word, but I entreat you to spare my heart, +for I love you as if you were my sister. I have forgiven you, dear +Bettina, and I wish to forget everything. I enclose a note which you +must be delighted to have again in your possession. You see what +risk you were running when you left it in your pocket. This +restitution must convince you of my friendship." + + + + +CHAPTER III + +Bettina Is Supposed to Go Mad--Father Mancia--The Small-pox-- +I Leave Padua + + +Bettina must have been in despair, not knowing into whose hands her +letter had fallen; to return it to her and thus to allay her anxiety, +was therefore a great proof of friendship; but my generosity, at the +same time that it freed her from a keen sorrow, must have caused her +another quite as dreadful, for she knew that I was master of her +secret. Cordiani's letter was perfectly explicit; it gave the +strongest evidence that she was in the habit of receiving him every +night, and therefore the story she had prepared to deceive me was +useless. I felt it was so, and, being disposed to calm her anxiety +as far as I could, I went to her bedside in the morning, and I placed +in her hands Cordiani's note and my answer to her letter. + +The girl's spirit and talent had won my esteem; I could no longer +despise her; I saw in her only a poor creature seduced by her natural +temperament. She loved man, and was to be pitied only on account of +the consequences. Believing that the view I took of the situation +was a right one, I had resigned myself like a reasonable being, and +not like a disappointed lover. The shame was for her and not for me. +I had only one wish, namely, to find out whether the two brothers +Feltrini, Cordiani's companions, had likewise shared Bettina's +favours. + +Bettina put on throughout the day a cheerful and happy look. In the +evening she dressed herself for the ball; but suddenly an attack of +sickness, whether feigned or real I did not know, compelled her to go +to bed, and frightened everybody in the house. As for myself, +knowing the whole affair, I was prepared for new scenes, and indeed +for sad ones, for I felt that I had obtained over her a power +repugnant to her vanity and self-love. I must, however, confess +that, in spite of the excellent school in which I found myself before +I had attained manhood, and which ought to have given me experience +as a shield for the future, I have through the whole of my life been +the dupe of women. Twelve years ago, if it had not been for my +guardian angel, I would have foolishly married a young, thoughtless +girl, with whom I had fallen in love: Now that I am seventy-two years +old I believe myself no longer susceptible of such follies; but, +alas! that is the very thing which causes me to be miserable. + +The next day the whole family was deeply grieved because the devil of +whom Bettina was possessed had made himself master of her reason. +Doctor Gozzi told me that there could not be the shadow of a doubt +that his unfortunate sister was possessed, as, if she had only been +mad, she never would have so cruelly ill-treated the Capuchin, +Prospero, and he determined to place her under the care of Father +Mancia. + +This Mancia was a celebrated Jacobin (or Dominican) exorcist, who +enjoyed the reputation of never having failed to cure a girl +possessed of the demon. + +Sunday had come; Bettina had made a good dinner, but she had been +frantic all through the day. Towards midnight her father came home, +singing Tasso as usual, and so drunk that he could not stand. He +went up to Bettina's bed, and after kissing her affectionately he +said to her: "Thou art not mad, my girl." + +Her answer was that he was not drunk. + +"Thou art possessed of the devil, my dear child." + +"Yes, father, and you alone can cure me." + +"Well, I am ready." + +Upon this our shoemaker begins a theological discourse, expatiating +upon the power of faith and upon the virtue of the paternal blessing. +He throws off his cloak, takes a crucifix with one hand, places the +other over the head of his daughter, and addresses the devil in such +an amusing way that even his wife, always a stupid, dull, cross- +grained old woman, had to laugh till the tears came down her cheeks. +The two performers in the comedy alone were not laughing, and their +serious countenance added to the fun of the performance. I marvelled +at Bettina (who was always ready to enjoy a good laugh) having +sufficient control over herself to remain calm and grave. Doctor +Gozzi had also given way to merriment; but begged that the farce +should come to an end, for he deemed that his father's eccentricities +were as many profanations against the sacredness of exorcism. At +last the exorcist, doubtless tired out, went to bed saying that he +was certain that the devil would not disturb his daughter during the +night. + +On the morrow, just as we had finished our breakfast, Father Mancia +made his appearance. Doctor Gozzi, followed by the whole family, +escorted him to his sister's bedside. As for me, I was entirely +taken up by the face of the monk. Here is his portrait. His figure +was tall and majestic, his age about thirty; he had light hair and +blue eyes; his features were those of Apollo, but without his pride +and assuming haughtiness; his complexion, dazzling white, was pale, +but that paleness seemed to have been given for the very purpose of +showing off the red coral of his lips, through which could be seen, +when they opened, two rows of pearls. He was neither thin nor stout, +and the habitual sadness of his countenance enhanced its sweetness. +His gait was slow, his air timid, an indication of the great modesty +of his mind. + +When we entered the room Bettina was asleep, or pretended to be so. +Father Mancia took a sprinkler and threw over her a few drops of holy +water; she opened her eyes, looked at the monk, and closed them +immediately; a little while after she opened them again, had a better +look at him, laid herself on her back, let her arms droop down +gently, and with her head prettily bent on one side she fell into the +sweetest of slumbers. + +The exorcist, standing by the bed, took out his pocket ritual and the +stole which he put round his neck, then a reliquary, which he placed +on the bosom of the sleeping girl, and with the air of a saint he +begged all of us to fall on our knees and to pray, so that God should +let him know whether the patient was possessed or only labouring +under a natural disease. He kept us kneeling for half an hour, +reading all the time in a low tone of voice. Bettina did not stir. + +Tired, I suppose, of the performance, he desired to speak privately +with Doctor Gozzi. They passed into the next room, out of which they +emerged after a quarter of an hour, brought back by a loud peal of +laughter from the mad girl, who, when she saw them, turned her back +on them. Father Mancia smiled, dipped the sprinkler over and over in +the holy water, gave us all a generous shower, and took his leave. + +Doctor Gozzi told us that the exorcist would come again on the +morrow, and that he had promised to deliver Bettina within three +hours if she were truly possessed of the demon, but that he made no +promise if it should turn out to be a case of madness. The mother +exclaimed that he would surely deliver her, and she poured out her +thanks to God for having allowed her the grace of beholding a saint +before her death. + +The following day Bettina was in a fine frenzy. She began to utter +the most extravagant speeches that a poet could imagine, and did not +stop when the charming exorcist came into her room; he seemed to +enjoy her foolish talk for a few minutes, after which, having armed +himself 'cap-a-pie', he begged us to withdraw. His order was obeyed +instantly; we left the chamber, and the door remained open. But what +did it matter? Who would have been bold enough to go in? + +During three long hours we heard nothing; the stillness was unbroken. +At noon the monk called us in. Bettina was there sad and very quiet +while the exorcist packed up his things. He took his departure, +saying he had very good hopes of the case, and requesting that the +doctor would send him news of the patient. Bettina partook of dinner +in her bed, got up for supper, and the next day behaved herself +rationally; but the following circumstance strengthened my opinion +that she had been neither insane nor possessed. + +It was two days before the Purification of the Holy Virgin. Doctor +Gozzi was in the habit of giving us the sacrament in his own church, +but he always sent us for our confession to the church of Saint- +Augustin, in which the Jacobins of Padua officiated. At the supper +table, he told us to prepare ourselves for the next day, and his +mother, addressing us, said: "You ought, all of you, to confess to +Father Mancia, so as to obtain absolution from that holy man. I +intend to go to him myself." Cordiani and the two Feltrini agreed to +the proposal; I remained silent, but as the idea was unpleasant to +me, I concealed the feeling, with a full determination to prevent the +execution of the project. + +I had entire confidence in the secrecy of confession, and I was +incapable of making a false one, but knowing that I had a right to +choose my confessor, I most certainly never would have been so simple +as to confess to Father Mancia what had taken place between me and a +girl, because he would have easily guessed that the girl could be no +other but Bettina. Besides, I was satisfied that Cordiani would +confess everything to the monk, and I was deeply sorry. + +Early the next morning, Bettina brought me a band for my neck, and +gave me the following letter: "Spurn me, but respect my honour and +the shadow of peace to which I aspire. No one from this house must +confess to Father Mancia; you alone can prevent the execution of +that project, and I need not suggest the way to succeed. It will +prove whether you have some friendship for me." + +I could not express the pity I felt for the poor girl, as I read that +note. In spite of that feeling, this is what I answered: "I can well +understand that, notwithstanding the inviolability of confession, +your mother's proposal should cause you great anxiety; but I cannot +see why, in order to prevent its execution, you should depend upon me +rather than upon Cordiani who has expressed his acceptance of it. +All I can promise you is that I will not be one of those who may go +to Father Mancia; but I have no influence over your lover; you alone +can speak to him." + +She replied: "I have never addressed a word to Cordiani since the +fatal night which has sealed my misery, and I never will speak to him +again, even if I could by so doing recover my lost happiness. To you +alone I wish to be indebted for my life and for my honour." + +This girl appeared to me more wonderful than all the heroines of whom +I had read in novels. It seemed to me that she was making sport of +me with the most barefaced effrontery. I thought she was trying to +fetter me again with her chains; and although I had no inclination +for them, I made up my mind to render her the service she claimed at +my hands, and which she believed I alone could compass. She felt +certain of her success, but in what school had she obtained her +experience of the human heart? Was it in reading novels? Most +likely the reading of a certain class of novels causes the ruin of a +great many young girls, but I am of opinion that from good romances +they acquire graceful manners and a knowledge of society. + +Having made up my mind to shew her every kindness in my power, I took +an opportunity, as we were undressing for the night, of telling +Doctor Gozzi that, for conscientious motives, I could not confess to +Father Mancia, and yet that I did not wish to be an exception in that +matter. He kindly answered that he understood my reasons, and that +he would take us all to the church of Saint-Antoine. I kissed his +hand in token of my gratitude. + +On the following day, everything having gone according to her wishes, +I saw Bettina sit down to the table with a face beaming with +satisfaction. In the afternoon I had to go to bed in consequence of +a wound in my foot; the doctor accompanied his pupils to church; and +Bettina being alone, availed herself of the opportunity, came to my +room and sat down on my bed. I had expected her visit, and I +received it with pleasure, as it heralded an explanation for which I +was positively longing. + +She began by expressing a hope that I would not be angry with her for +seizing the first opportunity she had of some conversation with me. + +"No," I answered, "for you thus afford me an occasion of assuring you +that, my feelings towards you being those of a friend only, you need +not have any fear of my causing you any anxiety or displeasure. +Therefore Bettina, you may do whatever suits you; my love is no more. +You have at one blow given the death-stroke to the intense passion +which was blossoming in my heart. When I reached my room, after the +ill-treatment I had experienced at Cordiani's hands, I felt for you +nothing but hatred; that feeling soon merged into utter contempt, but +that sensation itself was in time, when my mind recovered its +balance, changed for a feeling of the deepest indifference, which +again has given way when I saw what power there is in your mind. I +have now become your friend; I have conceived the greatest esteem for +your cleverness. I have been the dupe of it, but no matter; that +talent of yours does exist, it is wonderful, divine, I admire it, I +love it, and the highest homage I can render to it is, in my +estimation, to foster for the possessor of it the purest feelings of +friendship. Reciprocate that friendship, be true, sincere, and plain +dealing. Give up all nonsense, for you have already obtained from me +all I can give you. The very thought of love is repugnant to me; I +can bestow my love only where I feel certain of being the only one +loved. You are at liberty to lay my foolish delicacy to the account +of my youthful age, but I feel so, and I cannot help it. You have +written to me that you never speak to Cordiani; if I am the cause of +that rupture between you, I regret it, and I think that, in the +interest of your honour, you would do well to make it up with him; +for the future I must be careful never to give him any grounds for +umbrage or suspicion. Recollect also that, if you have tempted him +by the same manoeuvres which you have employed towards me, you are +doubly wrong, for it may be that, if he truly loves you, you have +caused him to be miserable." + +"All you have just said to me," answered Bettina, "is grounded upon +false impressions and deceptive appearances. I do not love Cordiani, +and I never had any love for him; on the contrary, I have felt, and I +do feel, for him a hatred which he has richly deserved, and I hope to +convince you, in spite of every appearance which seems to convict me. +As to the reproach of seduction, I entreat you to spare me such an +accusation. On our side, consider that, if you had not yourself +thrown temptation in my way, I never would have committed towards you +an action of which I have deeply repented, for reasons which you do +not know, but which you must learn from me. The fault I have been +guilty of is a serious one only because I did not foresee the injury +it would do me in the inexperienced mind of the ingrate who dares to +reproach me with it." + +Bettina was shedding tears: all she had said was not unlikely and +rather complimentary to my vanity, but I had seen too much. Besides, +I knew the extent of her cleverness, and it was very natural to lend +her a wish to deceive me; how could I help thinking that her visit to +me was prompted only by her self-love being too deeply wounded to let +me enjoy a victory so humiliating to herself? Therefore, unshaken in +my preconceived opinion, I told her that I placed implicit confidence +in all she had just said respecting the state of her heart previous +to the playful nonsense which had been the origin of my love for her, +and that I promised never in the future to allude again to my +accusation of seduction. "But," I continued, "confess that the fire +at that time burning in your bosom was only of short duration, and +that the slightest breath of wind had been enough to extinguish it. +Your virtue, which went astray for only one instant, and which has so +suddenly recovered its mastery over your senses, deserves some +praise. You, with all your deep adoring love for me, became all at +once blind to my sorrow, whatever care I took to make it clear to +your sight. It remains for me to learn how that virtue could be so +very dear to you, at the very time that Cordiani took care to wreck +it every night." + +Bettina eyed me with the air of triumph which perfect confidence in +victory gives to a person, and said: "You have just reached the point +where I wished you to be. You shall now be made aware of things +which I could not explain before, owing to your refusing the +appointment which I then gave you for no other purpose than to tell +you all the truth. Cordiani declared his love for me a week after he +became an inmate in our house; he begged my consent to a marriage, if +his father made the demand of my hand as soon as he should have +completed his studies. My answer was that I did not know him +sufficiently, that I could form no idea on the subject, and I +requested him not to allude to it any more. He appeared to have +quietly given up the matter, but soon after, I found out that it was +not the case; he begged me one day to come to his room now and then +to dress his hair; I told him I had no time to spare, and he remarked +that you were more fortunate. I laughed at this reproach, as +everyone here knew that I had the care of you. It was a fortnight +after my refusal to Cordiani, that I unfortunately spent an hour with +you in that loving nonsense which has naturally given you ideas until +then unknown to your senses. That hour made me very happy: I loved +you, and having given way to very natural desires, I revelled in my +enjoyment without the slightest remorse of conscience. I was longing +to be again with you the next morning, but after supper, misfortune +laid for the first time its hand upon me. Cordiani slipped in my +hands this note and this letter which I have since hidden in a hole +in the wall, with the intention of shewing them to you at the first +opportunity." + +Saying this, Bettina handed me the note and the letter; the first ran +as follows: "Admit me this evening in your closet, the door of which, +leading to the yard, can be left ajar, or prepare yourself to make +the best of it with the doctor, to whom I intend to deliver, if you +should refuse my request, the letter of which I enclose a copy." + +The letter contained the statement of a cowardly and enraged +informer, and would certainly have caused the most unpleasant +results. In that letter Cordiani informed the doctor that his sister +spent her mornings with me in criminal connection while he was saying +his mass, and he pledged himself to enter into particulars which +would leave him no doubt. + +"After giving to the case the consideration it required," continued +Bettina, "I made up my mind to hear that monster; but my +determination being fixed, I put in my pocket my father's stilletto, +and holding my door ajar I waited for him there, unwilling to let him +come in, as my closet is divided only by a thin partition from the +room of my father, whom the slightest noise might have roused up. My +first question to Cordiani was in reference to the slander contained +in the letter he threatened to deliver to my brother: he answered +that it was no slander, for he had been a witness to everything that +had taken place in the morning through a hole he had bored in the +garret just above your bed, and to which he would apply his eye the +moment he knew that I was in your room. He wound up by threatening +to discover everything to my brother and to my mother, unless I +granted him the same favours I had bestowed upon you. In my just +indignation I loaded him with the most bitter insults, I called him a +cowardly spy and slanderer, for he could not have seen anything but +childish playfulness, and I declared to him that he need not flatter +himself that any threat would compel me to give the slightest +compliance to his wishes. He then begged and begged my pardon a +thousand times, and went on assuring me that I must lay to my rigour +the odium of the step he had taken, the only excuse for it being in +the fervent love I had kindled in his heart, and which made him +miserable. He acknowledged that his letter might be a slander, that +he had acted treacherously, and he pledged his honour never to +attempt obtaining from me by violence favours which he desired to +merit only by the constancy of his love. I then thought myself to +some extent compelled to say that I might love him at some future +time, and to promise that I would not again come near your bed during +the absence of my brother. In this way I dismissed him satisfied, +without his daring to beg for so much as a kiss, but with the promise +that we might now and then have some conversation in the same place. +As soon as he left me I went to bed, deeply grieved that I could no +longer see you in the absence of my brother, and that I was unable, +for fear of consequences, to let you know the reason of my change. +Three weeks passed off in that position, and I cannot express what +have been my sufferings, for you, of course, urged me to come, and I +was always under the painful necessity of disappointing you. I even +feared to find myself alone with you, for I felt certain that I could +not have refrained from telling you the cause of the change in my +conduct. To crown my misery, add that I found myself compelled, at +least once a week, to receive the vile Cordiani outside of my room, +and to speak to him, in order to check his impatience with a few +words. At last, unable to bear up any longer under such misery, +threatened likewise by you, I determined to end my agony. I wished +to disclose to you all this intrigue, leaving to you the care of +bringing a change for the better, and for that purpose I proposed +that you should accompany me to the ball disguised as a girl, +although I knew it would enrage Cordiani; but my mind was made up. +You know how my scheme fell to the ground. The unexpected departure +of my brother with my father suggested to both of you the same idea, +and it was before receiving Cordiani's letter that I promised to come +to you. Cordiani did not ask for an appointment; he only stated that +he would be waiting for me in my closet, and I had no opportunity of +telling him that I could not allow him to come, any more than I could +find time to let you know that I would be with you only after +midnight, as I intended to do, for I reckoned that after an hour's +talk I would dismiss the wretch to his room. But my reckoning was +wrong; Cordiani had conceived a scheme, and I could not help +listening to all he had to say about it. His whining and exaggerated +complaints had no end. He upbraided me for refusing to further the +plan he had concocted, and which he thought I would accept with +rapture if I loved him. The scheme was for me to elope with him +during holy week, and to run away to Ferrara, where he had an uncle +who would have given us a kind welcome, and would soon have brought +his father to forgive him and to insure our happiness for life. The +objections I made, his answers, the details to be entered into, the +explanations and the ways and means to be examined to obviate the +difficulties of the project, took up the whole night. My heart was +bleeding as I thought of you; but my conscience is at rest, and I did +nothing that could render me unworthy of your esteem. You cannot +refuse it to me, unless you believe that the confession I have just +made is untrue; but you would be both mistaken and unjust. Had I +made up my mind to sacrifice myself and to grant favours which love +alone ought to obtain, I might have got rid of the treacherous wretch +within one hour, but death seemed preferable to such a dreadful +expedient. Could I in any way suppose that you were outside of my +door, exposed to the wind and to the snow? Both of us were +deserving of pity, but my misery was still greater than yours. All +these fearful circumstances were written in the book of fate, to make +me lose my reason, which now returns only at intervals, and I am in +constant dread of a fresh attack of those awful convulsions. They +say I am bewitched, and possessed of the demon; I do not know +anything about it, but if it should be true I am the most miserable +creature in existence." Bettina ceased speaking, and burst into a +violent storm of tears, sobs, and groans. I was deeply moved, +although I felt that all she had said might be true, and yet was +scarcely worthy of belief: + + 'Forse era ver, ma non pero credibile + A chi del senso suo fosse signor.' + +But she was weeping, and her tears, which at all events were not +deceptive, took away from me the faculty of doubt. Yet I put her +tears to the account of her wounded self-love; to give way entirely I +needed a thorough conviction, and to obtain it evidence was +necessary, probability was not enough. I could not admit either +Cordiani's moderation or Bettina's patience, or the fact of seven +hours employed in innocent conversation. In spite of all these +considerations, I felt a sort of pleasure in accepting for ready cash +all the counterfeit coins that she had spread out before me. + +After drying her tears, Bettina fixed her beautiful eyes upon mine, +thinking that she could discern in them evident signs of her victory; +but I surprised her much by alluding to one point which, with all her +cunning, she had neglected to mention in her defence. Rhetoric makes +use of nature's secrets in the same way as painters who try to +imitate it: their most beautiful work is false. This young girl, +whose mind had not been refined by study, aimed at being considered +innocent and artless, and she did her best to succeed, but I had seen +too good a specimen of her cleverness. + +"Well, my dear Bettina," I said, "your story has affected me; but how +do you think I am going to accept your convulsions as natural, and to +believe in the demoniac symptoms which came on so seasonably during +the exorcisms, although you very properly expressed your doubts on +the matter?" + +Hearing this, Bettina stared at me, remaining silent for a few +minutes, then casting her eyes down she gave way to fresh tears, +exclaiming now and then: "Poor me! oh, poor me!" This situation, +however, becoming most painful to me, I asked what I could do for +her. She answered in a sad tone that if my heart did not suggest to +me what to do, she did not herself see what she could demand of me. + +"I thought," said she, "that I would reconquer my lost influence over +your heart, but, I see it too plainly, you no longer feel an interest +in me. Go on treating me harshly; go on taking for mere fictions +sufferings which are but too real, which you have caused, and which +you will now increase. Some day, but too late, you will be sorry, +and your repentance will be bitter indeed." + +As she pronounced these words she rose to take her leave; but judging +her capable of anything I felt afraid, and I detained her to say that +the only way to regain my affection was to remain one month without +convulsions and without handsome Father Mancia's presence being +required. + +"I cannot help being convulsed," she answered, "but what do you mean +by applying to the Jacobin that epithet of handsome? Could you +suppose--?" + +"Not at all, not at all--I suppose nothing; to do so would be +necessary for me to be jealous. But I cannot help saying that the +preference given by your devils to the exorcism of that handsome monk +over the incantations of the ugly Capuchin is likely to give birth to +remarks rather detrimental to your honour. Moreover, you are free to +do whatever pleases you." + +Thereupon she left my room, and a few minutes later everybody came +home. + +After supper the servant, without any question on my part, informed +me that Bettina had gone to bed with violent feverish chills, having +previously had her bed carried into the kitchen beside her mother's. +This attack of fever might be real, but I had my doubts. I felt +certain that she would never make up her mind to be well, for her +good health would have supplied me with too strong an argument +against her pretended innocence, even in the case of Cordiani; I +likewise considered her idea of having her bed placed near her +mother's nothing but artful contrivance. + +The next day Doctor Olivo found her very feverish, and told her +brother that she would most likely be excited and delirious, but that +it would be the effect of the fever and not the work of the devil. +And truly, Bettina was raving all day, but Dr. Gozzi, placing +implicit confidence in the physician, would not listen to his mother, +and did not send for the Jacobin friar. The fever increased in +violence, and on the fourth day the small-pox broke out. Cordiani +and the two brothers Feitrini, who had so far escaped that disease, +were immediately sent away, but as I had had it before I remained at +home. + +The poor girl was so fearfully covered with the loathsome eruption, +that on the sixth day her skin could not be seen on any part of her +body. Her eyes closed, and her life was despaired of, when it was +found that her mouth and throat were obstructed to such a degree that +she could swallow nothing but a few drops of honey. She was +perfectly motionless; she breathed and that was all. Her mother +never left her bedside, and I was thought a saint when I carried my +table and my books into the patient's room. The unfortunate girl had +become a fearful sight to look upon; her head was dreadfully swollen, +the nose could no longer be seen, and much fear was entertained for +her eyes, in case her life should be spared. The odour of her +perspiration was most offensive, but I persisted in keeping my watch +by her. + +On the ninth day, the vicar gave her absolution, and after +administering extreme unction, he left her, as he said, in the hands +of God. In the midst of so much sadness, the conversation of the +mother with her son, would, in spite of myself, cause me some amount +of merriment. The good woman wanted to know whether the demon who +was dwelling in her child could still influence her to perform +extravagant follies, and what would become of the demon in the case +of her daughter's death, for, as she expressed it, she could not +think of his being so stupid as to remain in so loathsome a body. +She particularly wanted to ascertain whether the demon had power to +carry off the soul of her child. Doctor Gozzi, who was an +ubiquitarian, made to all those questions answers which had not even +the shadow of good sense, and which of course had no other effect +than to increase a hundred-fold the perplexity of his poor mother. + +During the tenth and eleventh days, Bettina was so bad that we +thought every moment likely to be her last. The disease had reached +its worst period; the smell was unbearable; I alone would not leave +her, so sorely did I pity her. The heart of man is indeed an +unfathomable abyss, for, however incredible it may appear, it was +while in that fearful state that Bettina inspired me with the +fondness which I showed her after her recovery. + +On the thirteenth day the fever abated, but the patient began to +experience great irritation, owing to a dreadful itching, which no +remedy could have allayed as effectually as these powerful words +which I kept constantly pouring into her ear: "Bettina, you are +getting better; but if you dare to scratch yourself, you will become +such a fright that nobody will ever love you." All the physicians in +the universe might be challenged to prescribe a more potent remedy +against itching for a girl who, aware that she has been pretty, finds +herself exposed to the loss of her beauty through her own fault, if +she scratches herself. + +At last her fine eyes opened again to the light of heaven; she was +moved to her own room, but she had to keep her bed until Easter. She +inoculated me with a few pocks, three of which have left upon my face +everlasting marks; but in her eyes they gave me credit for great +devotedness, for they were a proof of my constant care, and she felt +that I indeed deserved her whole love. And she truly loved me, and I +returned her love, although I never plucked a flower which fate and +prejudice kept in store for a husband. But what a contemptible +husband! + +Two years later she married a shoemaker, by name Pigozzo--a base, +arrant knave who beggared and ill-treated her to such an extent that +her brother had to take her home and to provide for her. Fifteen +years afterwards, having been appointed arch-priest at Saint-George +de la Vallee, he took her there with him, and when I went to pay him +a visit eighteen years ago, I found Bettina old, ill, and dying. She +breathed her last in my arms in 1776, twenty-four hours after my +arrival. I will speak of her death in good time. + +About that period, my mother returned from St. Petersburg, where the +Empress Anne Iwanowa had not approved of the Italian comedy. The +whole of the troop had already returned to Italy, and my mother had +travelled with Carlin Bertinazzi, the harlequin, who died in Paris in +the year 1783. As soon as she had reached Padua, she informed Doctor +Gozzi of her arrival, and he lost no time in accompanying me to the +inn where she had put up. We dined with her, and before bidding us +adieu, she presented the doctor with a splendid fur, and gave me the +skin of a lynx for Bettina. Six months afterwards she summoned me to +Venice, as she wished to see me before leaving for Dresden, where she +had contracted an engagement for life in the service of the Elector +of Saxony, Augustus III., King of Poland. She took with her my +brother Jean, then eight years old, who was weeping bitterly when he +left; I thought him very foolish, for there was nothing very tragic +in that departure. He is the only one in the family who was wholly +indebted to our mother for his fortune, although he was not her +favourite child. + +I spent another year in Padua, studying law in which I took the +degree of Doctor in my sixteenth year, the subject of my thesis being +in the civil law, 'de testamentis', and in the canon law, 'utrum +Hebraei possint construere novas synagogas'. + +My vocation was to study medicine, and to practice it, for I felt a +great inclination for that profession, but no heed was given to my +wishes, and I was compelled to apply myself to the study of the law, +for which I had an invincible repugnance. My friends were of opinion +that I could not make my fortune in any profession but that of an +advocate, and, what is still worse, of an ecclesiastical advocate. +If they had given the matter proper consideration, they would have +given me leave to follow my own inclinations, and I would have been a +physician--a profession in which quackery is of still greater avail +than in the legal business. I never became either a physician or an +advocate, and I never would apply to a lawyer, when I had any legal +business, nor call in a physician when I happened to be ill. +Lawsuits and pettifoggery may support a good many families, but a +greater proportion is ruined by them, and those who perish in the +hands, of physicians are more numerous by far than those who get +cured strong evidence in my opinion, that mankind would be much less +miserable without either lawyers or doctors. + +To attend the lectures of the professors, I had to go to the +university called the Bo, and it became necessary for me to go out +alone. This was a matter of great wonder to me, for until then I had +never considered myself a free man; and in my wish to enjoy fully the +liberty I thought I had just conquered, it was not long before I had +made the very worst acquaintances amongst the most renowned students. +As a matter of course, the most renowned were the most worthless, +dissolute fellows, gamblers, frequenters of disorderly houses, hard +drinkers, debauchees, tormentors and suborners of honest girls, +liars, and wholly incapable of any good or virtuous feeling. In the +company of such men did I begin my apprenticeship of the world, +learning my lesson from the book of experience. + +The theory of morals and its usefulness through the life of man can +be compared to the advantage derived by running over the index of a +book before reading it when we have perused that index we know +nothing but the subject of the work. This is like the school for +morals offered by the sermons, the precepts, and the tales which our +instructors recite for our especial benefit. We lend our whole +attention to those lessons, but when an opportunity offers of +profiting by the advice thus bestowed upon us, we feel inclined to +ascertain for ourselves whether the result will turn out as +predicted; we give way to that very natural inclination, and +punishment speedily follows with concomitant repentance. Our only +consolation lies in the fact that in such moments we are conscious of +our own knowledge, and consider ourselves as having earned the right +to instruct others; but those to whom we wish to impart our +experience act exactly as we have acted before them, and, as a matter +of course, the world remains in statu quo, or grows worse and worse. + +When Doctor Gozzi granted me the privilege of going out alone, he +gave me an opportunity for the discovery of several truths which, +until then, were not only unknown to me, but the very existence of +which I had never suspected. On my first appearance, the boldest +scholars got hold of me and sounded my depth. Finding that I was a +thorough freshman, they undertook my education, and with that worthy +purpose in view they allowed me to fall blindly into every trap. +They taught me gambling, won the little I possessed, and then they +made me play upon trust, and put me up to dishonest practices in +order to procure the means of paying my gambling debts; but I +acquired at the same time the sad experience of sorrow! Yet these +hard lessons proved useful, for they taught me to mistrust the +impudent sycophants who openly flatter their dupes, and never to rely +upon the offers made by fawning flatterers. They taught me likewise +how to behave in the company of quarrelsome duellists, the society of +whom ought to be avoided, unless we make up our mind to be constantly +in the very teeth of danger. I was not caught in the snares of +professional lewd women, because not one of them was in my eyes as +pretty as Bettina, but I did not resist so well the desire for that +species of vain glory which is the reward of holding life at a cheap +price. + +In those days the students in Padua enjoyed very great privileges, +which were in reality abuses made legal through prescription, the +primitive characteristic of privileges, which differ essentially from +prerogatives. In fact, in order to maintain the legality of their +privileges, the students often committed crimes. The guilty were +dealt with tenderly, because the interest of the city demanded that +severity should not diminish the great influx of scholars who flocked +to that renowned university from every part of Europe. The practice +of the Venetian government was to secure at a high salary the most +celebrated professors, and to grant the utmost freedom to the young +men attending their lessons. The students acknowledged no authority +but that of a chief, chosen among themselves, and called syndic. He +was usually a foreign nobleman, who could keep a large establishment, +and who was responsible to the government for the behaviour of the +scholars. It was his duty to give them up to justice when they +transgressed the laws, and the students never disputed his sentence, +because he always defended them to the utmost, when they had the +slightest shadow of right on their side. + +The students, amongst other privileges, would not suffer their trunks +to be searched by customhouse authorities, and no ordinary policeman +would have dared to arrest one of them. They carried about them +forbidden weapons, seduced helpless girls, and often disturbed the +public peace by their nocturnal broils and impudent practical jokes; +in one word, they were a body of young fellows, whom nothing could +restrain, who would gratify every whim, and enjoy their sport without +regard or consideration for any human being. + +It was about that time that a policeman entered a coffee-room, in +which were seated two students. One of them ordered him out, but the +man taking no notice of it, the student fired a pistol at him, and +missed his aim. The policeman returned the fire, wounded the +aggressor, and ran away. The students immediately mustered together +at the Bo, divided into bands, and went over the city, hunting the +policemen to murder them, and avenge the insult they had received. +In one of the encounters two of the students were killed, and all the +others, assembling in one troop, swore never to lay their arms down +as long as there should be one policeman alive in Padua. The +authorities had to interfere, and the syndic of the students +undertook to put a stop to hostilities provided proper satisfaction +was given, as the police were in the wrong. The man who had shot the +student in the coffee-room was hanged, and peace was restored; but +during the eight days of agitation, as I was anxious not to appear +less brave than my comrades who were patrolling the city, I followed +them in spite of Doctor Gozzi's remonstrances. Armed with a carbine +and a pair of pistols, I ran about the town with the others, in quest +of the enemy, and I recollect how disappointed I was because the +troop to which I belonged did not meet one policeman. When the war +was over, the doctor laughed at me, but Bettina admired my valour. +Unfortunately, I indulged in expenses far above my means, owing to my +unwillingness to seem poorer than my new friends. I sold or pledged +everything I possessed, and I contracted debts which I could not +possibly pay. This state of things caused my first sorrows, and they +are the most poignant sorrows under which a young man can smart. Not +knowing which way to turn, I wrote to my excellent grandmother, +begging her assistance, but instead of sending me some money, she +came to Padua on the 1st of October, 1739, and, after thanking the +doctor and Bettina for all their affectionate care, she bought me +back to Venice. As he took leave of me, the doctor, who was shedding +tears, gave me what he prized most on earth; a relic of some saint, +which perhaps I might have kept to this very day, had not the setting +been of gold. It performed only one miracle, that of being of +service to me in a moment of great need. Whenever I visited Padua, +to complete my study of the law, I stayed at the house of the kind +doctor, but I was always grieved at seeing near Bettina the brute to +whom she was engaged, and who did not appear to me deserving of such +a wife. I have always regretted that a prejudice, of which I soon +got rid, should have made me preserve for that man a flower which I +could have plucked so easily. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +I receive the minor orders from the patriarch of Venice--I get +acquainted with Senator Malipiero, with Therese Imer, with the niece +of the Curate, with Madame Orio, with Nanette and Marton, and with +the Cavamacchia--I become a preacher--my adventure with Lucie at +Pasean A rendezvous on the third story. + + +"He comes from Padua, where he has completed his studies." Such were +the words by which I was everywhere introduced, and which, the moment +they were uttered, called upon me the silent observation of every +young man of my age and condition, the compliments of all fathers, +and the caresses of old women, as well as the kisses of a few who, +although not old, were not sorry to be considered so for the sake of +embracing a young man without impropriety. The curate of Saint- +Samuel, the Abbe Josello, presented me to Monsignor Correre, +Patriarch of Venice, who gave me the tonsure, and who, four months +afterwards, by special favour, admitted me to the four minor orders. +No words could express the joy and the pride of my grandmother. +Excellent masters were given to me to continue my studies, and M. +Baffo chose the Abbe Schiavo to teach me a pure Italian style, +especially poetry, for which I had a decided talent. I was very +comfortably lodged with my brother Francois, who was studying +theatrical architecture. My sister and my youngest brother were +living with our grandam in a house of her own, in which it was her +wish to die, because her husband had there breathed his last. The +house in which I dwelt was the same in which my father had died, and +the rent of which my mother continued to pay. It was large and well +furnished. + +Although Abbe Grimani was my chief protector, I seldom saw him, and I +particularly attached myself to M. de Malipiero, to whom I had been +presented by the Curate Josello. M. de Malipiero was a senator, who +was unwilling at seventy years of age to attend any more to State +affairs, and enjoyed a happy, sumptuous life in his mansion, +surrounded every evening by a well-chosen party of ladies who had all +known how to make the best of their younger days, and of gentlemen +who were always acquainted with the news of the town. He was a +bachelor and wealthy, but, unfortunately, he had three or four times +every year severe attacks of gout, which always left him crippled in +some part or other of his body, so that all his person was disabled. +His head, his lungs, and his stomach had alone escaped this cruel +havoc. He was still a fine man, a great epicure, and a good judge of +wine; his wit was keen, his knowledge of the world extensive, his +eloquence worthy of a son of Venice, and he had that wisdom which +must naturally belong to a senator who for forty years has had the +management of public affairs, and to a man who has bid farewell to +women after having possessed twenty mistresses, and only when he felt +himself compelled to acknowledge that he could no longer be accepted +by any woman. Although almost entirely crippled, he did not appear +to be so when he was seated, when he talked, or when he was at table. +He had only one meal a day, and always took it alone because, being +toothless and unable to eat otherwise than very slowly, he did not +wish to hurry himself out of compliment to his guests, and would have +been sorry to see them waiting for him. This feeling deprived him of +the pleasure he would have enjoyed in entertaining at his board +friendly and agreeable guests, and caused great sorrow to his +excellent cook. + +The first time I had the honour of being introduced to him by the +curate, I opposed earnestly the reason which made him eat his meals +in solitude, and I said that his excellency had only to invite guests +whose appetite was good enough to enable them to eat a double share. + +"But where can I find such table companions?" he asked. + +"It is rather a delicate matter," I answered; "but you must take your +guests on trial, and after they have been found such as you wish them +to be, the only difficulty will be to keep them as your guests +without their being aware of the real cause of your preference, for +no respectable man could acknowledge that he enjoys the honour of +sitting at your excellency's table only because he eats twice as much +as any other man." + +The senator understood the truth of my argument, and asked the curate +to bring me to dinner on the following day. He found my practice +even better than my theory, and I became his daily guest. + +This man, who had given up everything in life except his own self, +fostered an amorous inclination, in spite of his age and of his gout. +He loved a young girl named Therese Imer, the daughter of an actor +residing near his mansion, her bedroom window being opposite to his +own. This young girl, then in her seventeenth year, was pretty, +whimsical, and a regular coquette. She was practising music with a +view to entering the theatrical profession, and by showing herself +constantly at the window she had intoxicated the old senator, and was +playing with him cruelly. She paid him a daily visit, but always +escorted by her mother, a former actress, who had retired from the +stage in order to work out her salvation, and who, as a matter of +course, had made up her mind to combine the interests of heaven with +the works of this world. She took her daughter to mass every day and +compelled her to go to confession every week; but every afternoon she +accompanied her in a visit to the amorous old man, the rage of whom +frightened me when she refused him a kiss under the plea that she had +performed her devotions in the morning, and that she could not +reconcile herself to the idea of offending the God who was still +dwelling in her. + +What a sight for a young man of fifteen like me, whom the old man +admitted as the only and silent witness of these erotic scenes! The +miserable mother applauded her daughter's reserve, and went so far as +to lecture the elderly lover, who, in his turn, dared not refute her +maxims, which savoured either too much or too little of Christianity, +and resisted a very strong inclination to hurl at her head any object +he had at hand. Anger would then take the place of lewd desires, and +after they had retired he would comfort himself by exchanging with me +philosophical considerations. + +Compelled to answer him, and not knowing well what to say, I ventured +one day upon advising a marriage. He struck me with amazement when +he answered that she refused to marry him from fear of drawing upon +herself the hatred of his relatives. + +"Then make her the offer of a large sum of money, or a position." + +"She says that she would not, even for a crown, commit a deadly sin." + +"In that case, you must either take her by storm, or banish her for +ever from your presence." + +"I can do neither one nor the other; physical as well as moral +strength is deficient in me." + +"Kill her, then." + +"That will very likely be the case unless I die first." + +"Indeed I pity your excellency." + +"Do you sometimes visit her?" + +"No, for I might fall in love with her, and I would be miserable." + +"You are right." + +Witnessing many such scenes, and taking part in many similar +conversations, I became an especial favourite with the old nobleman. +I was invited to his evening assemblies which were, as I have stated +before, frequented by superannuated women and witty men. He told me +that in this circle I would learn a science of greater import than +Gassendi's philosophy, which I was then studying by his advice +instead of Aristotle's, which he turned into ridicule. He laid down +some precepts for my conduct in those assemblies, explaining the +necessity of my observing them, as there would be some wonder at a +young man of my age being received at such parties. He ordered me +never to open my lips except to answer direct questions, and +particularly enjoined me never to pass an opinion on any subject, +because at my age I could not be allowed to have any opinions. + +I faithfully followed his precepts, and obeyed his orders so well, +that in a few days I had gained his esteem, and become the child of +the house, as well as the favourite of all the ladies who visited +him. In my character of a young and innocent ecclesiastic, they +would ask me to accompany them in their visits to the convents where +their daughters or their nieces were educated; I was at all hours +received at their houses without even being announced; I was scolded +if a week elapsed without my calling upon them, and when I went to +the apartments reserved for the young ladies, they would run away, +but the moment they saw that the intruder was only I, they would +return at once, and their confidence was very charming to me. + +Before dinner, M. de Malipiero would often inquire from me what +advantages were accruing to me from the welcome I received at the +hands of the respectable ladies I had become acquainted with at his +house, taking care to tell me, before I could have time to answer, +that they were all endowed with the greatest virtue, and that I would +give everybody a bad opinion of myself, if I ever breathed one word +of disparagement to the high reputation they all enjoyed. In this +way he would inculcate in me the wise precept of reserve and +discretion. + +It was at the senator's house that I made the acquaintance of Madame +Manzoni, the wife of a notary public, of whom I shall have to speak +very often. This worthy lady inspired me with the deepest +attachment, and she gave me the wisest advice. Had I followed it, +and profited by it, my life would not have been exposed to so many +storms; it is true that in that case, my life would not be worth +writing. + +All these fine acquaintances amongst women who enjoyed the reputation +of being high-bred ladies, gave me a very natural desire to shine by +my good looks and by the elegance of my dress; but my father +confessor, as well as my grandmother, objected very strongly to this +feeling of vanity. On one occasion, taking me apart, the curate told +me, with honeyed words, that in the profession to which I had devoted +myself my thoughts ought to dwell upon the best means of being +agreeable to God, and not on pleasing the world by my fine +appearance. He condemned my elaborate curls, and the exquisite +perfume of my pomatum. He said that the devil had got hold of me by +the hair, that I would be excommunicated if I continued to take such +care of it, and concluded by quoting for my benefit these words from +an oecumenical council: 'clericus qui nutrit coman, anathema sit'. +I answered him with the names of several fashionable perfumed abbots, +who were not threatened with excommunication, who were not interfered +with, although they wore four times as much powder as I did--for I +only used a slight sprinkling--who perfumed their hair with a certain +amber-scented pomatum which brought women to the very point of +fainting, while mine, a jessamine pomade, called forth the compliment +of every circle in which I was received. I added that I could not, +much to my regret, obey him, and that if I had meant to live in +slovenliness, I would have become a Capuchin and not an abbe. + +My answer made him so angry that, three or four days afterwards, he +contrived to obtain leave from my grandmother to enter my chamber +early in the morning, before I was awake, and, approaching my bed on +tiptoe with a sharp pair of scissors, he cut off unmercifully all my +front hair, from one ear to the other. My brother Francois was in +the adjoining room and saw him, but he did not interfere as he was +delighted at my misfortune. He wore a wig, and was very jealous of +my beautiful head of hair. Francois was envious through the whole of +his life; yet he combined this feeling of envy with friendship; I +never could understand him; but this vice of his, like my own vices, +must by this time have died of old age. + +After his great operation, the abbe left my room quietly, but when I +woke up shortly afterwards, and realized all the horror of this +unheard-of execution, my rage and indignation were indeed wrought to +the highest pitch. + +What wild schemes of revenge my brain engendered while, with a +looking-glass in my hand, I was groaning over the shameful havoc +performed by this audacious priest! At the noise I made my +grandmother hastened to my room, and amidst my brother's laughter the +kind old woman assured me that the priest would never have been +allowed to enter my room if she could have foreseen his intention, +and she managed to soothe my passion to some extent by confessing +that he had over-stepped the limits of his right to administer a +reproof. + +But I was determined upon revenge, and I went on dressing myself and +revolving in my mind the darkest plots. It seemed to me that I was +entitled to the most cruel revenge, without having anything to dread +from the terrors of the law. The theatres being open at that time I +put on a mask to go out, and I, went to the advocate Carrare, with +whom I had become acquainted at the senator's house, to inquire from +him whether I could bring a suit against the priest. He told me +that, but a short time since, a family had been ruined for having +sheared the moustache of a Sclavonian--a crime not nearly so +atrocious as the shearing of all my front locks, and that I had only +to give him my instructions to begin a criminal suit against the +abbe, which would make him tremble. I gave my consent, and begged +that he would tell M. de Malipiero in the evening the reason for +which I could not go to his house, for I did not feel any inclination +to show myself anywhere until my hair had grown again. + +I went home and partook with my brother of a repast which appeared +rather scanty in comparison to the dinners I had with the old +senator. The privation of the delicate and plentiful fare to which +his excellency had accustomed me was most painful, besides all the +enjoyments from which I was excluded through the atrocious conduct of +the virulent priest, who was my godfather. I wept from sheer +vexation; and my rage was increased by the consciousness that there +was in this insult a certain dash of comical fun which threw over me +a ridicule more disgraceful in my estimation than the greatest crime. + +I went to bed early, and, refreshed by ten hours of profound slumber, +I felt in the morning somewhat less angry, but quite as determined to +summon the priest before a court. I dressed myself with the +intention of calling upon my advocate, when I received the visit of a +skilful hair-dresser whom I had seen at Madame Cantarini's house. He +told me that he was sent by M. de Malipiero to arrange my hair so +that I could go out, as the senator wished me to dine with him on +that very day. He examined the damage done to my head, and said, +with a smile, that if I would trust to his art, he would undertake to +send me out with an appearance of even greater elegance than I could +boast of before; and truly, when he had done, I found myself so good- +looking that I considered my thirst for revenge entirely satisfied. + +Having thus forgotten the injury, I called upon the lawyer to tell +him to stay all proceedings, and I hastened to M. de Malipiero's +palace, where, as chance would have it, I met the abbe. +Notwithstanding all my joy, I could not help casting upon him rather +unfriendly looks, but not a word was said about what had taken place. +The senator noticed everything, and the priest took his leave, most +likely with feelings of mortified repentance, for this time I most +verily deserved excommunication by the extreme studied elegance of my +curling hair. + +When my cruel godfather had left us, I did not dissemble with M. de +Malipiero; I candidly told him that I would look out for another +church, and that nothing would induce me to remain under a priest +who, in his wrath, could go the length of such proceedings. The wise +old man agreed with me, and said that I was quite right: it was the +best way to make me do ultimately whatever he liked. In the evening +everyone in our circle, being well aware of what had happened, +complimented me, and assured me that nothing could be handsomer than +my new head-dress. I was delighted, and was still more gratified +when, after a fortnight had elapsed, I found that M. de Malipiero did +not broach the subject of my returning to my godfather's church. My +grandmother alone constantly urged me to return. But this calm was +the harbinger of a storm. When my mind was thoroughly at rest on +that subject, M. de Malipiero threw me into the greatest astonishment +by suddenly telling me that an excellent opportunity offered itself +for me to reappear in the church and to secure ample satisfaction +from the abbe. + +"It is my province," added the senator, "as president of the +Confraternity of the Holy Sacrament, to choose the preacher who is to +deliver the sermon on the fourth Sunday of this month, which happens +to be the second Christmas holiday. I mean to appoint you, and I am +certain that the abbe will not dare to reject my choice. What say +you to such a triumphant reappearance? Does it satisfy you?" + +This offer caused me the greatest surprise, for I had never dreamt of +becoming a preacher, and I had never been vain enough to suppose that +I could write a sermon and deliver it in the church. I told M. de +Malipiero that he must surely be enjoying a joke at my expense, but +he answered that he had spoken in earnest, and he soon contrived to +persuade me and to make me believe that I was born to become the most +renowned preacher of our age as soon as I should have grown fat--a +quality which I certainly could not boast of, for at that time I was +extremely thin. I had not the shadow of a fear as to my voice or to +my elocution, and for the matter of composing my sermon I felt myself +equal to the production of a masterpiece. + +I told M. de Malipiero that I was ready, and anxious to be at home in +order to go to work; that, although no theologian, I was acquainted +with my subject, and would compose a sermon which would take everyone +by surprise on account of its novelty. + +On the following day, when I called upon him, he informed me that the +abbe had expressed unqualified delight at the choice made by him, and +at my readiness in accepting the appointment; but he likewise desired +that I should submit my sermon to him as soon as it was written, +because the subject belonging to the most sublime theology he could +not allow me to enter the pulpit without being satisfied that I would +not utter any heresies. I agreed to this demand, and during the week +I gave birth to my masterpiece. I have now that first sermon in my +possession, and I cannot help saying that, considering my tender +years, I think it a very good one. + +I could not give an idea of my grandmother's joy; she wept tears of +happiness at having a grandson who had become an apostle. She +insisted upon my reading my sermon to her, listened to it with her +beads in her hands, and pronounced it very beautiful. M. de +Malipiero, who had no rosary when I read it to him, was of opinion +that it would not prove acceptable to the parson. My text was from +Horace: 'Ploravere suis non respondere favorem sperdtum meritis'; and +I deplored the wickedness and ingratitude of men, through which had +failed the design adopted by Divine wisdom for the redemption of +humankind. But M. de Malipiero was sorry that I had taken my text +from any heretical poet, although he was pleased that my sermon was +not interlarded with Latin quotations. + +I called upon the priest to read my production; but as he was out I +had to wait for his return, and during that time I fell in love with +his niece, Angela. She was busy upon some tambour work; I sat down +close by her, and telling me that she had long desired to make my +acquaintance, she begged me to relate the history of the locks of +hair sheared by her venerable uncle. + +My love for Angela proved fatal to me, because from it sprang two +other love affairs which, in their turn, gave birth to a great many +others, and caused me finally to renounce the Church as a profession. +But let us proceed quietly, and not encroach upon future events. + +On his return home the abbe found me with his niece, who was about my +age, and he did not appear to be angry. I gave him my sermon: he +read it over, and told me that it was a beautiful academical +dissertation, but unfit for a sermon from the pulpit, and he added, + +"I will give you a sermon written by myself, which I have never +delivered; you will commit it to memory, and I promise to let +everybody suppose that it is of your own composition." + +"I thank you, very reverend father, but I will preach my own sermon, +or none at all." + +"At all events, you shall not preach such a sermon as this in my +church." + +"You can talk the matter over with M. de Malipiero. In the meantime +I will take my work to the censorship, and to His Eminence the +Patriarch, and if it is not accepted I shall have it printed." + +"All very well, young man. The patriarch will coincide with me." + +In the evening I related my discussion with the parson before all the +guests of M. de Malipiero. The reading of my sermon was called for, +and it was praised by all. They lauded me for having with proper +modesty refrained from quoting the holy fathers of the Church, whom +at my age I could not be supposed to have sufficiently studied, and +the ladies particularly admired me because there was no Latin in it +but the Text from Horace, who, although a great libertine himself, +has written very good things. A niece of the patriarch, who was +present that evening, promised to prepare her uncle in my favour, as +I had expressed my intention to appeal to him; but M. de Malipiero +desired me not to take any steps in the matter until I had seen him +on the following day, and I submissively bowed to his wishes. + +When I called at his mansion the next day he sent for the priest, who +soon made his appearance. As he knew well what he had been sent for, +he immediately launched out into a very long discourse, which I did +not interrupt, but the moment he had concluded his list of objections +I told him that there could not be two ways to decide the question; +that the patriarch would either approve or disapprove my sermon. + +"In the first case," I added, "I can pronounce it in your church, and +no responsibility can possibly fall upon your shoulders; in the +second, I must, of course, give way." + +The abbe was struck by my determination and he said, + +"Do not go to the patriarch; I accept your sermon; I only request you +to change your text. Horace was a villain." + +"Why do you quote Seneca, Tertullian, Origen, and Boethius? They +were all heretics, and must, consequently, be considered by you as +worse wretches than Horace, who, after all, never had the chance of +becoming a Christian!" + +However, as I saw it would please M. de Malipiero, I finally +consented to accept, as a substitute for mine, a text offered by the +abbe, although it did not suit in any way the spirit of my +production; and in order to get an opportunity for a visit to his +niece, I gave him my manuscript, saying that I would call for it the +next day. My vanity prompted me to send a copy to Doctor Gozzi, but +the good man caused me much amusement by returning it and writing +that I must have gone mad, and that if I were allowed to deliver such +a sermon from the pulpit I would bring dishonour upon myself as well +as upon the man who had educated me. + +I cared but little for his opinion, and on the appointed day I +delivered my sermon in the Church of the Holy Sacrament in the +presence of the best society of Venice. I received much applause, +and every one predicted that I would certainly become the first +preacher of our century, as no young ecclesiastic of fifteen had ever +been known to preach as well as I had done. It is customary for the +faithful to deposit their offerings for the preacher in a purse which +is handed to them for that purpose. + +The sexton who emptied it of its contents found in it more than fifty +sequins, and several billets-doux, to the great scandal of the weaker +brethren. An anonymous note amongst them, the writer of which I +thought I had guessed, let me into a mistake which I think better not +to relate. This rich harvest, in my great penury, caused me to +entertain serious thoughts of becoming a preacher, and I confided my +intention to the parson, requesting his assistance to carry it into +execution. This gave me the privilege of visiting at his house every +day, and I improved the opportunity of conversing with Angela, for +whom my love was daily increasing. But Angela was virtuous. She did +not object to my love, but she wished me to renounce the Church and +to marry her. In spite of my infatuation for her, I could not make +up my mind to such a step, and I went on seeing her and courting her +in the hope that she would alter her decision. + +The priest, who had at last confessed his admiration for my first +sermon, asked me, some time afterwards, to prepare another for St. +Joseph's Day, with an invitation to deliver it on the 19th of March, +1741. I composed it, and the abbe spoke of it with enthusiasm, but +fate had decided that I should never preach but once in my life. It +is a sad tale, unfortunately for me very true, which some persons are +cruel enough to consider very amusing. + +Young and rather self-conceited, I fancied that it was not necessary +for me to spend much time in committing my sermon to memory. Being +the author, I had all the ideas contained in my work classified in my +mind, and it did not seem to me within the range of possibilities +that I could forget what I had written. Perhaps I might not remember +the exact words of a sentence, but I was at liberty to replace them +by other expressions as good, and as I never happened to be at a +loss, or to be struck dumb, when I spoke in society, it was not +likely that such an untoward accident would befall me before an +audience amongst whom I did not know anyone who could intimidate me +and cause me suddenly to lose the faculty of reason or of speech. I +therefore took my pleasure as usual, being satisfied with reading my +sermon morning and evening, in order to impress it upon my memory +which until then had never betrayed me. + +The 19th of March came, and on that eventful day at four o'clock in +the afternoon I was to ascend the pulpit; but, believing myself quite +secure and thoroughly master of my subject, I had not the moral +courage to deny myself the pleasure of dining with Count Mont-Real, +who was then residing with me, and who had invited the patrician +Barozzi, engaged to be married to his daughter after the Easter +holidays. + +I was still enjoying myself with my fine company, when the sexton of +the church came in to tell me that they were waiting for me in the +vestry. With a full stomach and my head rather heated, I took my +leave, ran to the church, and entered the pulpit. I went through the +exordium with credit to myself, and I took breathing time; but +scarcely had I pronounced the first sentences of the narration, +before I forgot what I was saying, what I had to say, and in my +endeavours to proceed, I fairly wandered from my subject and I lost +myself entirely. I was still more discomforted by a half-repressed +murmur of the audience, as my deficiency appeared evident. Several +persons left the church, others began to smile, I lost all presence +of mind and every hope of getting out of the scrape. + +I could not say whether I feigned a fainting fit, or whether I truly +swooned; all I know is that I fell down on the floor of the pulpit, +striking my head against the wall, with an inward prayer for +annihilation. + +Two of the parish clerks carried me to the vestry, and after a few +moments, without addressing a word to anyone, I took my cloak and my +hat, and went home to lock myself in my room. I immediately dressed +myself in a short coat, after the fashion of travelling priests, I +packed a few things in a trunk, obtained some money from my +grandmother, and took my departure for Padua, where I intended to +pass my third examination. I reached Padua at midnight, and went to +Doctor Gozzi's house, but I did not feel the slightest temptation to +mention to him my unlucky adventure. + +I remained in Padua long enough to prepare myself for the doctor's +degree, which I intended to take the following year, and after Easter +I returned to Venice, where my misfortune was already forgotten; but +preaching was out of the question, and when any attempt was made to +induce me to renew my efforts, I manfully kept to my determination +never to ascend the pulpit again. + +On the eve of Ascension Day M. Manzoni introduced me to a young +courtesan, who was at that time in great repute at Venice, and was +nick-named Cavamacchia, because her father had been a scourer. This +named vexed her a great deal, she wished to be called Preati, which +was her family name, but it was all in vain, and the only concession +her friends would make was to call her by her Christian name of +Juliette. She had been introduced to fashionable notice by the +Marquis de Sanvitali, a nobleman from Parma, who had given her one +hundred thousand ducats for her favours. Her beauty was then the +talk of everybody in Venice, and it was fashionable to call upon her. +To converse with her, and especially to be admitted into her circle, +was considered a great boon. + +As I shall have to mention her several times in the course of my +history, my readers will, I trust, allow me to enter into some +particulars about her previous life. + +Juliette was only fourteen years of age when her father sent her one +day to the house of a Venetian nobleman, Marco Muazzo, with a coat +which he had cleaned for him. He thought her very beautiful in spite +of the dirty rags in which she was dressed, and he called to see her +at her father's shop, with a friend of his, the celebrated advocate, +Bastien Uccelli, who; struck by the romantic and cheerful nature of +Juliette still more than by her beauty and fine figure, gave her an +apartment, made her study music, and kept her as his mistress. At +the time of the fair, Bastien took her with him to various public +places of resort; everywhere she attracted general attention, and +secured the admiration of every lover of the sex. She made rapid +progress in music, and at the end of six months she felt sufficient +confidence in herself to sign an engagement with a theatrical manager +who took her to Vienna to give her a 'castrato' part in one of +Metastasio's operas. + +The advocate had previously ceded her to a wealthy Jew who, after +giving her splendid diamonds, left her also. + +In Vienna, Juliette appeared on the stage, and her beauty gained for +her an admiration which she would never have conquered by her very +inferior talent. But the constant crowd of adorers who went to +worship the goddess, having sounded her exploits rather too loudly, +the august Maria-Theresa objected to this new creed being sanctioned +in her capital, and the beautfiul actress received an order to quit +Vienna forthwith. + +Count Spada offered her his protection, and brought her back to +Venice, but she soon left for Padua where she had an engagement. In +that city she kindled the fire of love in the breast of Marquis +Sanvitali, but the marchioness having caught her once in her own box, +and Juliette having acted disrespectfully to her, she slapped her +face, and the affair having caused a good deal of noise, Juliette +gave up the stage altogether. She came back to Venice, where, made +conspicuous by her banishment from Vienna, she could not fail to make +her fortune. Expulsion from Vienna, for this class of women, had +become a title to fashionable favour, and when there was a wish to +depreciate a singer or a dancer, it was said of her that she had not +been sufficiently prized to be expelled from Vienna. + +After her return, her first lover was Steffano Querini de Papozzes, +but in the spring of 1740, the Marquis de Sanvitali came to Venice +and soon carried her off. It was indeed difficult to resist this +delightful marquis! His first present to the fair lady was a sum of +one hundred thousand ducats, and, to prevent his being accused of +weakness or of lavish prodigality, he loudly proclaimed that the +present could scarcely make up for the insult Juliette had received +from his wife--an insult, however, which the courtesan never +admitted, as she felt that there would be humiliation in such an +acknowledgment, and she always professed to admire with gratitude her +lover's generosity. She was right; the admission of the blow +received would have left a stain upon her charms, and how much more +to her taste to allow those charms to be prized at such a high +figure! + +It was in the year 1741 that M. Manzoni introduced me to this new +Phryne as a young ecclesiastic who was beginning to make a +reputation. I found her surrounded by seven or eight well-seasoned +admirers, who were burning at her feet the incense of their flattery. +She was carelessly reclining on a sofa near Querini. I was much +struck with her appearance. She eyed me from head to foot, as if I +had been exposed for sale, and telling me, with the air of a +princess, that she was not sorry to make my acquaintance, she invited +me to take a seat. I began then, in my turn, to examine her closely +and deliberately, and it was an easy matter, as the room, although +small, was lighted with at least twenty wax candles. + +Juliette was then in her eighteenth year; the freshness of her +complexion was dazzling, but the carnation tint of her cheeks, the +vermilion of her lips, and the dark, very narrow curve of her +eyebrows, impressed me as being produced by art rather than nature. +Her teeth--two rows of magnificent pearls--made one overlook the fact +that her mouth was somewhat too large, and whether from habit, or +because she could not help it, she seemed to be ever smiling. Her +bosom, hid under a light gauze, invited the desires of love; yet I +did not surrender to her charms. Her bracelets and the rings which +covered her fingers did not prevent me from noticing that her hand +was too large and too fleshy, and in spite of her carefully hiding +her feet, I judged, by a telltale slipper lying close by her dress, +that they were well proportioned to the height of her figure--a +proportion which is unpleasant not only to the Chinese and Spaniards, +but likewise to every man of refined taste. We want a tall women to +have a small foot, and certainly it is not a modern taste, for +Holofernes of old was of the same opinion; otherwise he would not +have thought Judith so charming: 'et sandalid ejus rapuerunt oculos +ejus'. Altogether I found her beautiful, but when I compared her +beauty and the price of one hundred thousand ducats paid for it, I +marvelled at my remaining so cold, and at my not being tempted to +give even one sequin for the privilege of making from nature a study +of the charms which her dress concealed from my eyes. + +I had scarcely been there a quarter of an hour when the noise made by +the oars of a gondola striking the water heralded the prodigal +marquis. We all rose from our seats, and M. Querini hastened, +somewhat blushing, to quit his place on the sofa. M. de Sanvitali, +a man of middle age, who had travelled much, took a seat near +Juliette, but not on the sofa, so she was compelled to turn round. +It gave me the opportunity of seeing her full front, while I had +before only a side view of her face. + +After my introduction to Juliette, I paid her four or five visits, +and I thought myself justified, by the care I had given to the +examination of her beauty, in saying in M. de Malipiero's draw-room, +one evening, when my opinion about her was asked, that she could +please only a glutton with depraved tastes; that she had neither the +fascination of simple nature nor any knowledge of society, that she +was deficient in well-bred, easy manners as well as in striking +talents and that those were the qualities which a thorough gentleman +liked to find in a woman. This opinion met the general approbation +of his friends, but M. de Malipiero kindly whispered to me that +Juliette would certainly be informed of the portrait I had drawn of +her, and that she would become my sworn enemy. He had guessed +rightly. + +I thought Juliette very singular, for she seldom spoke to me, and +whenever she looked at me she made use of an eye-glass, or she +contracted her eye-lids, as if she wished to deny me the honour of +seeing her eyes, which were beyond all dispute very beautiful. They +were blue, wondrously large and full, and tinted with that +unfathomable variegated iris which nature only gives to youth, and +which generally disappears, after having worked miracles, when the +owner reaches the shady side of forty. Frederick the Great preserved +it until his death. + +Juliette was informed of the portrait I had given of her to M. de +Malipiero's friends by the indiscreet pensioner, Xavier Cortantini. +One evening I called upon her with M. Manzoni, and she told him that +a wonderful judge of beauty had found flaws in hers, but she took +good care not to specify them. It was not difficult to make out that +she was indirectly firing at me, and I prepared myself for the +ostracism which I was expecting, but which, however, she kept in +abeyance fully for an hour. At last, our conversation falling upon a +concert given a few days before by Imer, the actor, and in which his +daughter, Therese, had taken a brilliant part, Juliette turned round +to me and inquired what M. de Malipiero did for Therese. I said that +he was educating her. "He can well do it," she answered, "for he is +a man of talent; but I should like to know what he can do with you?" + +"Whatever he can." + +"I am told that he thinks you rather stupid." + +As a matter of course, she had the laugh on her side, and I, +confused, uncomfortable and not knowing what to say, took leave after +having cut a very sorry figure, and determined never again to darken +her door. The next day at dinner the account of my adventure caused +much amusement to the old senator. + +Throughout the summer, I carried on a course of Platonic love with my +charming Angela at the house of her teacher of embroidery, but her +extreme reserve excited me, and my love had almost become a torment +to myself. With my ardent nature, I required a mistress like +Bettina, who knew how to satisfy my love without wearing it out. I +still retained some feelings of purity, and I entertained the deepest +veneration for Angela. She was in my eyes the very palladium of +Cecrops. Still very innocent, I felt some disinclination towards +women, and I was simple enough to be jealous of even their husbands. + +Angela would not grant me the slightest favour, yet she was no flirt; +but the fire beginning in me parched and withered me. The pathetic +entreaties which I poured out of my heart had less effect upon her +than upon two young sisters, her companions and friends: had I not +concentrated every look of mine upon the heartless girl, I might have +discovered that her friends excelled her in beauty and in feeling, +but my prejudiced eyes saw no one but Angela. To every outpouring of +my love she answered that she was quite ready to become my wife, and +that such was to be the limit of my wishes; when she condescended to +add that she suffered as much as I did myself, she thought she had +bestowed upon me the greatest of favours. + +Such was the state of my mind, when, in the first days of autumn, I +received a letter from the Countess de Mont-Real with an invitation +to spend some time at her beautiful estate at Pasean. She expected +many guests, and among them her own daughter, who had married a +Venetian nobleman, and who had a great reputation for wit and beauty, +although she had but one eye; but it was so beautiful that it made up +for the loss of the other. I accepted the invitation, and Pasean +offering me a constant round of pleasures, it was easy enough for me +to enjoy myself, and to forget for the time the rigours of the cruel +Angela. + +I was given a pretty room on the ground floor, opening upon the +gardens of Pasean, and I enjoyed its comforts without caring to know +who my neighbours were. + +The morning after my arrival, at the very moment I awoke, my eyes +were delighted with the sight of the charming creature who brought me +my coffee. She was a very young girl, but as well formed as a young +person of seventeen; yet she had scarcely completed her fourteenth +year. The snow of her complexion, her hair as dark as the raven's +wing, her black eyes beaming with fire and innocence, her dress +composed only of a chemise and a short petticoat which exposed a +well-turned leg and the prettiest tiny foot, every detail I gathered +in one instant presented to my looks the most original and the most +perfect beauty I had ever beheld. I looked at her with the greatest +pleasure, and her eyes rested upon me as if we had been old +acquaintances. + +"How did you find your bed?" she asked. + +"Very comfortable; I am sure you made it. Pray, who are you?" + +"I am Lucie, the daughter of the gate-keeper: I have neither brothers +nor sisters, and I am fourteen years old. I am very glad you have no +servant with you; I will be your little maid, and I am sure you will +be pleased with me." + +Delighted at this beginning, I sat up in my bed and she helped me to +put on my dressing-gown, saying a hundred things which I did not +understand. I began to drink my coffee, quite amazed at her easy +freedom, and struck with her beauty, to which it would have been +impossible to remain indifferent. She had seated herself on my bed, +giving no other apology for that liberty than the most delightful +smile. + +I was still sipping my coffee, when Lucie's parents came into my +room. She did not move from her place on the bed, but she looked at +them, appearing very proud of such a seat. The good people kindly +scolded her, begged my forgiveness in her favour, and Lucie left the +room to attend to her other duties. The moment she had gone her +father and mother began to praise their daughter. + +"She is," they said, "our only child, our darling pet, the hope of +our old age. She loves and obeys us, and fears God; she is as clean +as a new pin, and has but one fault." + +"What is that?" + +"She is too young." + +"That is a charming fault which time will mend" + +I was not long in ascertaining that they were living specimens of +honesty, of truth, of homely virtues, and of real happiness. I was +delighted at this discovery, when Lucie returned as gay as a lark, +prettily dressed, her hair done in a peculiar way of her own, and +with well-fitting shoes. She dropped a simple courtesy before me, +gave a couple of hearty kisses to both her parents, and jumped on her +father knees. I asked her to come and sit on my bed, but she +answered that she could not take such a liberty now that she was +dressed, The simplicity, artlessness, and innocence of the answer +seemed to me very enchanting, and brought a smile on my lips. I +examined her to see whether she was prettier in her new dress or in +the morning's negligee, and I decided in favour of the latter. To +speak the truth, Lucie was, I thought, superior in everything, not +only to Angela, but even to Bettina. + +The hair-dresser made his appearance, and the honest family left my +room. When I was dressed I went to meet the countess and her amiable +daughter. The day passed off very pleasantly, as is generally the +case in the country, when you are amongst agreeable people. + +In the morning, the moment my eyes were opened, + +I rang the bell, and pretty Lucie came in, simple and natural as +before, with her easy manners and wonderful remarks. Her candour, +her innocence shone brilliantly all over her person. I could not +conceive how, with her goodness, her virtue and her intelligence, she +could run the risk of exciting me by coming into my room alone, and +with so much familiarity. I fancied that she would not attach much +importance to certain slight liberties, and would not prove over- +scrupulous, and with that idea I made up my mind to shew her that I +fully understood her. I felt no remorse of conscience on the score +of her parents, who, in my estimation, were as careless as herself; +I had no dread of being the first to give the alarm to her innocence, +or to enlighten her mind with the gloomy light of malice, but, +unwilling either to be the dupe of feeling or to act against it, I +resolved to reconnoitre the ground. I extend a daring hand towards +her person, and by an involuntary movement she withdraws, blushes, +her cheerfulness disappears, and, turning her head aside as if she +were in search of something, she waits until her agitation has +subsided. The whole affair had not lasted one minute. She came +back, abashed at the idea that she had proved herself rather knowing, +and at the dread of having perhaps given a wrong interpretation to an +action which might have been, on my part, perfectly innocent, or the +result of politeness. Her natural laugh soon returned, and, having +rapidly read in her mind all I have just described, I lost no time in +restoring her confidence, and, judging that I would venture too much +by active operations, I resolved to employ the following morning in a +friendly chat during which I could make her out better. + +In pursuance of that plan, the next morning, as we were talking, I +told her that it was cold, but that she would not feel it if she +would lie down near me. + +"Shall I disturb you?" she said. + +"No; but I am thinking that if your mother happened to come in, she +would be angry." + +"Mother would not think of any harm." + +"Come, then. But Lucie, do you know what danger you are exposing +yourself to?" + +"Certainly I do; but you are good, and, what is more, you are a +priest." + +"Come; only lock the door." + +"No, no, for people might think.... I do not know what." She laid +down close by me, and kept on her chatting, although I did not +understand a word of what she said, for in that singular position, +and unwilling to give way to my ardent desires, I remained as still +as a log. + +Her confidence in her safety, confidence which was certainly not +feigned, worked upon my feelings to such an extent that I would have +been ashamed to take any advantage of it. At last she told me that +nine o'clock had struck, and that if old Count Antonio found us as we +were, he would tease her with his jokes. "When I see that man," she +said, "I am afraid and I run away." Saying these words, she rose from +the bed and left the room. + +I remained motionless for a long while, stupefied, benumbed, and +mastered by the agitation of my excited senses as well as by my +thoughts. The next morning, as I wished to keep calm, I only let her +sit down on my bed, and the conversation I had with her proved +without the shadow of a doubt that her parents had every reason to +idolize her, and that the easy freedom of her mind as well as of her +behaviour with me was entirely owing to her innocence and to her +purity. Her artlessness, her vivacity, her eager curiosity, and the +bashful blushes which spread over her face whenever her innocent or +jesting remarks caused me to laugh, everything, in fact, convinced me +that she was an angel destined to become the victim of the first +libertine who would undertake to seduce her. I felt sufficient +control over my own feelings to resist any attempt against her virtue +which my conscience might afterwards reproach me with. The mere +thought of taking advantage of her innocence made me shudder, and my +self-esteem was a guarantee to her parents, who abandoned her to me +on the strength of the good opinion they entertained of me, that +Lucie's honour was safe in my hands. I thought I would have despised +myself if I had betrayed the trust they reposed in me. I therefore +determined to conquer my feelings, and, with perfect confidence in +the victory, I made up my mind to wage war against myself, and to be +satisfied with her presence as the only reward of my heroic efforts. +I was not yet acquainted with the axiom that "as long as the fighting +lasts, victory remains uncertain." + +As I enjoyed her conversation much, a natural instinct prompted me to +tell her that she would afford me great pleasure if she could come +earlier in the morning, and even wake me up if I happened to be +asleep, adding, in order to give more weight to my request, that the +less I slept the better I felt in health. In this manner I contrived +to spend three hours instead of two in her society, although this +cunning contrivance of mine did not prevent the hours flying, at +least in my opinion, as swift as lightning. + +Her mother would often come in as we were talking, and when the good +woman found her sitting on my bed she would say nothing, only +wondering at my kindness. Lucie would then cover her with kisses, +and the kind old soul would entreat me to give her child lessons of +goodness, and to cultivate her mind; but when she had left us Lucie +did not think herself more unrestrained, and whether in or out of her +mother's presence, she was always the same without the slightest +change. + +If the society of this angelic child afforded me the sweetest +delight, it also caused me the most cruel suffering. Often, very +often, when her face was close to my lips, I felt the most ardent +temptation to smother her with kisses, and my blood was at fever heat +when she wished that she had been a sister of mine. But I kept +sufficient command over myself to avoid the slightest contact, for I +was conscious that even one kiss would have been the spark which +would have blown up all the edifice of my reserve. Every time she +left me I remained astounded at my own victory, but, always eager to +win fresh laurels, I longed for the following morning, panting for a +renewal of this sweet yet very dangerous contest. + +At the end of ten or twelve days, I felt that there was no +alternative but to put a stop to this state of things, or to become a +monster in my own eyes; and I decided for the moral side of the +question all the more easily that nothing insured me success, if I +chose the second alternative. The moment I placed her under the +obligation to defend herself Lucie would become a heroine, and the +door of my room being open, I might have been exposed to shame and to +a very useless repentance. This rather frightened me. Yet, to put +an end to my torture, I did not know what to decide. I could no +longer resist the effect made upon my senses by this beautiful girl, +who, at the break of day and scarcely dressed, ran gaily into my +room, came to my bed enquiring how I had slept, bent familiarly her +head towards me, and, so to speak, dropped her words on my lips. In +those dangerous moments I would turn my head aside; but in her +innocence she would reproach me for being afraid when she felt +herself so safe, and if I answered that I could not possibly fear a +child, she would reply that a difference of two years was of no +account. + +Standing at bay, exhausted, conscious that every instant increased +the ardour which was devouring me, I resolved to entreat from herself +the discontinuance of her visits, and this resolution appeared to me +sublime and infallible; but having postponed its execution until the +following morning, I passed a dreadful night, tortured by the image +of Lucie, and by the idea that I would see her in the morning for the +last time. I fancied that Lucie would not only grant my prayer, but +that she would conceive for me the highest esteem. In the morning, +it was barely day-light, Lucie beaming, radiant with beauty, a happy +smile brightening her pretty mouth, and her splendid hair in the most +fascinating disorder, bursts into my room, and rushes with open arms +towards my bed; but when she sees my pale, dejected, and unhappy +countenance, she stops short, and her beautiful face taking an +expression of sadness and anxiety: + +"What ails you?" she asks, with deep sympathy. + +"I have had no sleep through the night:" + +"And why?" + +"Because I have made up my mind to impart to you a project which, +although fraught with misery to myself, will at least secure me your +esteem." + +"But if your project is to insure my esteem it ought to make you very +cheerful. Only tell me, reverend sir, why, after calling me 'thou' +yesterday, you treat me today respectfully, like a lady? What have I +done? I will get your coffee, and you must tell me everything after +you have drunk it; I long to hear you" + +She goes and returns, I drink the coffee, and seeing that my +countenance remains grave she tries to enliven me, contrives to make +me smile, and claps her hands for joy. After putting everything in +order, she closes the door because the wind is high, and in her +anxiety not to lose one word of what I have to say, she entreats +artlessly a little place near me. I cannot refuse her, for I feel +almost lifeless. + +I then begin a faithful recital of the fearful state in which her +beauty has thrown me, and a vivid picture of all the suffering I have +experienced in trying to master my ardent wish to give her some proof +of my love; I explain to her that, unable to endure such torture any +longer, I see no other safety but in entreating her not to see me any +more. The importance of the subject, the truth of my love, my wish +to present my expedient in the light of the heroic effort of a deep +and virtuous passion, lend me a peculiar eloquence. I endeavour +above all to make her realize the fearful consequences which might +follow a course different to the one I was proposing, and how +miserable we might be. + +At the close of my long discourse Lucie, seeing my eyes wet with +tears, throws off the bed-clothes to wipe them, without thinking that +in so doing she uncovers two globes, the beauty of which might have +caused the wreck of the most experienced pilot. After a short +silence, the charming child tells me that my tears make her very +unhappy, and that she had never supposed that she could cause them. + +"All you have just told me," she added, "proves the sincerity of your +great love for me, but I cannot imagine why you should be in such +dread of a feeling which affords me the most intense pleasure. You +wish to banish me from your presence because you stand in fear of +your love, but what would you do if you hated me? Am I guilty +because I have pleased you? If it is a crime to have won your +affection, I can assure you that I did not think I was committing a +criminal action, and therefore you cannot conscientiously punish me. +Yet I cannot conceal the truth; I am very happy to be loved by you. +As for the danger we run, when we love, danger which I can +understand, we can set it at defiance, if we choose, and I wonder at +my not fearing it, ignorant as I am, while you, a learned man, think +it so terrible. I am astonished that love, which is not a disease, +should have made you ill, and that it should have exactly the +opposite effect upon me. Is it possible that I am mistaken, and that +my feeling towards you should not be love? You saw me very cheerful +when I came in this morning; it is because I have been dreaming all +night, but my dreams did not keep me awake; only several times I woke +up to ascertain whether my dream was true, for I thought I was near +you; and every time, finding that it was not so, I quickly went to +sleep again in the hope of continuing my happy dream, and every time +I succeeded. After such a night, was it not natural for me to be +cheerful this morning? My dear abbe, if love is a torment for you I +am very sorry, but would it be possible for you to live without love? +I will do anything you order me to do, but, even if your cure +depended upon it, I would not cease to love you, for that would be +impossible. Yet if to heal your sufferings it should be necessary +for you to love me no more, you must do your utmost to succeed, for I +would much rather see you alive without love, than dead for having +loved too much. Only try to find some other plan, for the one you +have proposed makes me very miserable. Think of it, there may be +some other way which will be less painful. Suggest one more +practicable, and depend upon Lucie's obedience." + +These words, so true, so artless, so innocent, made me realize the +immense superiority of nature's eloquence over that of philosophical +intellect. For the first time I folded this angelic being in my +arms, exclaiming, "Yes, dearest Lucie, yes, thou hast it in thy power +to afford the sweetest relief to my devouring pain; abandon to my +ardent kisses thy divine lips which have just assured me of thy +love." + +An hour passed in the most delightful silence, which nothing +interrupted except these words murmured now and then by Lucie, "Oh, +God! is it true? is it not a dream?" Yet I respected her innocence, +and the more readily that she abandoned herself entirely and without +the slightest resistance. At last, extricating herself gently from +my arms, she said, with some uneasiness, "My heart begins to speak, I +must go;" and she instantly rose. Having somewhat rearranged her +dress she sat down, and her mother, coming in at that moment, +complimented me upon my good looks and my bright countenance, and +told Lucie to dress herself to attend mass. Lucie came back an hour +later, and expressed her joy and her pride at the wonderful cure she +thought she had performed upon me, for the healthy appearance I was +then shewing convinced her of my love much better than the pitiful +state in which she had found me in the morning. "If your complete +happiness," she said, "rests in my power, be happy; there is nothing +that I can refuse you." + +The moment she left me, still wavering between happiness and fear, I +understood that I was standing on the very brink of the abyss, and +that nothing but a most extraordinary determination could prevent me +from falling headlong into it. + +I remained at Pasean until the end of September, and the last eleven +nights of my stay were passed in the undisturbed possession of Lucie, +who, secure in her mother's profound sleep, came to my room to enjoy +in my arms the most delicious hours. The burning ardour of my love +was increased by the abstinence to which I condemned myself, although +Lucie did everything in her power to make me break through my +determination. She could not fully enjoy the sweetness of the +forbidden fruit unless I plucked it without reserve, and the effect +produced by our constantly lying in each other's arms was too strong +for a young girl to resist. She tried everything she could to +deceive me, and to make me believe that I had already, and in +reality, gathered the whole flower, but Bettina's lessons had been +too efficient to allow me to go on a wrong scent, and I reached the +end of my stay without yielding entirely to the temptation she so +fondly threw in my way. I promised her to return in the spring; our +farewell was tender and very sad, and I left her in a state of mind +and of body which must have been the cause of her misfortunes, which, +twenty years after, I had occasion to reproach myself with in +Holland, and which will ever remain upon my conscience. + +A few days after my return to Venice, I had fallen back into all my +old habits, and resumed my courtship of Angela in the hope that I +would obtain from her, at least, as much as Lucie had granted to me. +A certain dread which to-day I can no longer trace in my nature, a +sort of terror of the consequences which might have a blighting +influence upon my future, prevented me from giving myself up to +complete enjoyment. I do not know whether I have ever been a truly +honest man, but I am fully aware that the feelings I fostered in my +youth were by far more upright than those I have, as I lived on, +forced myself to accept. A wicked philosophy throws down too many of +these barriers which we call prejudices. + +The two sisters who were sharing Angela's embroidery lessons were her +intimate friends and the confidantes of all her secrets. I made +their acquaintance, and found that they disapproved of her extreme +reserve towards me. As I usually saw them with Angela and knew their +intimacy with her, I would, when I happened to meet them alone, tell +them all my sorrows, and, thinking only of my cruel sweetheart, I +never was conceited enough to propose that these young girls might +fall in love with me; but I often ventured to speak to them with all +the blazing inspiration which was burning in me--a liberty I would +not have dared to take in the presence of her whom I loved. True +love always begets reserve; we fear to be accused of exaggeration if +we should give utterance to feelings inspired, by passion, and the +modest lover, in his dread of saying too much, very often says too +little. + +The teacher of embroidery, an old bigot, who at first appeared not to +mind the attachment I skewed for Angela, got tired at last of my too +frequent visits, and mentioned them to the abbe, the uncle of my fair +lady. He told me kindly one day that I ought not to call at that +house so often, as my constant visits might be wrongly construed, and +prove detrimental to the reputation of his niece. His words fell +upon me like a thunder-bolt, but I mastered my feelings sufficiently +to leave him without incurring any suspicion, and I promised to +follow his good advice. + +Three or four days afterwards, I paid a visit to the teacher of +embroidery, and, to make her believe that my visit was only intended +for her, I did not stop one instant near the young girls; yet I +contrived to slip in the hand of the eldest of the two sisters a note +enclosing another for my dear Angela, in which I explained why I had +been compelled to discontinue my visits, entreating her to devise +some means by which I could enjoy the happiness of seeing her and of +conversing with her. In my note to Nanette, I only begged her to +give my letter to her friend, adding that I would see them again the +day after the morrow, and that I trusted to her to find an +opportunity for delivering me the answer. She managed it all very +cleverly, and, when I renewed my visit two days afterwards, she gave +me a letter without attracting the attention of anyone. +Nanette's letter enclosed a very short note from Angela, who, +disliking letter-writing, merely advised me to follow, if I could, +the plan proposed by her friend. Here is the copy of the letter +written by Nanette, which I have always kept, as well as all other +letters which I give in these Memoirs: + +"There is nothing in the world, reverend sir, that I would not +readily do for my friend. She visits at our house every holiday, has +supper with us, and sleeps under our roof. I will suggest the best +way for you to make the acquaintance of Madame Orio, our aunt; but, +if you obtain an introduction to her, you must be very careful not to +let her suspect your preference for Angela, for our aunt would +certainly object to her house being made a place of rendezvous to +facilitate your interviews with a stranger to her family. Now for +the plan I propose, and in the execution of which I will give you +every assistance in my power. Madame Orio, although a woman of good +station in life, is not wealthy, and she wishes to have her name +entered on the list of noble widows who receive the bounties bestowed +by the Confraternity of the Holy Sacrament, of which M. de Malipiero +is president. Last Sunday, Angela mentioned that you are in the good +graces of that nobleman, and that the best way to obtain his +patronage would be to ask you to entreat it in her behalf. The +foolish girl added that you were smitten with me, that all your +visits to our mistress of embroidery were made for my special benefit +and for the sake of entertaining me, and that I would find it a very +easy task to interest you in her favour. My aunt answered that, as +you are a priest, there was no fear of any harm, and she told me to +write to you with an invitation to call on her; I refused. The +procurator Rosa, who is a great favourite of my aunt's, was present; +he approved of my refusal, saying that the letter ought to be written +by her and not by me, that it was for my aunt to beg the honour of +your visit on business of real importance, and that, if there was any +truth in the report of your love for me, you would not fail to come. +My aunt, by his advice, has therefore written the letter which you +will find at your house. If you wish to meet Angela, postpone your +visit to us until next Sunday. Should you succeed in obtaining M. +de Malipiero's good will in favour of my aunt, you will become the +pet of the household, but you must forgive me if I appear to treat +you with coolness, for I have said that I do not like you. I would +advise you to make love to my aunt, who is sixty years of age; +M. Rosa will not be jealous, and you will become dear to everyone. +For my part, I will manage for you an opportunity for some private +conversation with Angela, and I will do anything to convince you of +my friendship. Adieu." + +This plan appeared to me very well conceived, and, having the same +evening received Madame Orio's letter, I called upon her on the +following day, Sunday. I was welcomed in a very friendly manner, and +the lady, entreating me to exert in her behalf my influence with M. +de Malipiero, entrusted me with all the papers which I might require +to succeed. I undertook to do my utmost, and I took care to address +only a few words to Angela, but I directed all my gallant attentions +to Nanette, who treated me as coolly as could be. Finally, I won the +friendship of the old procurator Rosa, who, in after years, was of +some service to me. + +I had so much at stake in the success of Madame Orio's petition, that +I thought of nothing else, and knowing all the power of the beautiful +Therese Imer over our amorous senator, who would be but too happy to +please her in anything, I determined to call upon her the next day, +and I went straight to her room without being announced. I found her +alone with the physician Doro, who, feigning to be on a professional +visit, wrote a prescription, felt her pulse, and went off. This Doro +was suspected of being in love with Therese; M. de Malipiero, who was +jealous, had forbidden Therese to receive his visits, and she had +promised to obey him. She knew that I was acquainted with those +circumstances, and my presence was evidently unpleasant to her, for +she had certainly no wish that the old man should hear how she kept +her promise. I thought that no better opportunity could be found of +obtaining from her everything I wished. + +I told her in a few words the object of my visit, and I took care to +add that she could rely upon my discretion, and that I would not for +the world do her any injury. Therese, grateful for this assurance, +answered that she rejoiced at finding an occasion to oblige me, and, +asking me to give her the papers of my protege, she shewed me the +certificates and testimonials of another lady in favour of whom she +had undertaken to speak, and whom, she said, she would sacrifice to +the person in whose behalf I felt interested. She kept her word, for +the very next day she placed in my hands the brevet, signed by his +excellency as president of the confraternity. For the present, and +with the expectation of further favours, Madame Orio's name was put +down to share the bounties which were distributed twice a year. + +Nanette and her sister Marton were the orphan daughters of a sister +of Madame Orio. All the fortune of the good lady consisted in the +house which was her dwelling, the first floor being let, and in a +pension given to her by her brother, member of the council of ten. +She lived alone with her two charming nieces, the eldest sixteen, and +the youngest fifteen years of age. She kept no servant, and only +employed an old woman, who, for one crown a month, fetched water, and +did the rough work. Her only friend was the procurator Rosa; he had, +like her, reached his sixtieth year, and expected to marry her as +soon as he should become a widower. + +The two sisters slept together on the third floor in a large bed, +which was likewise shared by Angela every Sunday. + +As soon as I found myself in possession of the deed for Madame Orio, +I hastened to pay a visit to the mistress of embroidery, in order to +find an opportunity of acquainting Nanette with my success, and in a +short note which I prepared, I informed her that in two days I would +call to give the brevet to Madame Orio, and I begged her earnestly +not to forget her promise to contrive a private interview with my +dear Angela. + +When I arrived, on the appointed day, at Madame Orio's house, +Nanette, who had watched for my coming, dexterously conveyed to my +hand a billet, requesting me to find a moment to read it before +leaving the house. I found Madame Orio, Angela, the old procurator, +and Marton in the room. Longing to read the note, I refused the seat +offered to me, and presenting to Madame Orio the deed she had so long +desired, I asked, as my only reward, the pleasure of kissing her +hand, giving her to understand that I wanted to leave the room +immediately. + +"Oh, my dear abbe!" said the lady, "you shall have a kiss, but not on +my hand, and no one can object to it, as I am thirty years older than +you." + +She might have said forty-five without going much astray. I gave her +two kisses, which evidently satisfied her, for she desired me to +perform the same ceremony with her nieces, but they both ran away, +and Angela alone stood the brunt of my hardihood. After this the +widow asked me to sit down. + +"I cannot, Madame." + +"Why, I beg?" + +"I have--." + +"I understand. Nanette, shew the way." + +"Dear aunt, excuse me." + +"Well, then, Marton." + +"Oh! dear aunt, why do you not insist upon my sister obeying your +orders?" + +"Alas! madame, these young ladies are quite right. Allow me to +retire." + +"No, my dear abbe, my nieces are very foolish; M. Rosa, I am sure, +will kindly." + +The good procurator takes me affectionately by the hand, and leads me +to the third story, where he leaves me. The moment I am alone I open +my letter, and I read the following: + +"My aunt will invite you to supper; do not accept. Go away as soon +as we sit down to table, and Marton will escort you as far as the +street door, but do not leave the house. When the street door is +closed again, everyone thinking you are gone, go upstairs in the dark +as far as the third floor, where you must wait for us. We will come +up the moment M. Rosa has left the house, and our aunt has gone to +bed. Angela will be at liberty to grant you throughout the night a +tete-a-tete which, I trust, will prove a happy one." + +Oh! what joy-what gratitude for the lucky chance which allowed me to +read this letter on the very spot where I was to expect the dear +abject of my love! Certain of finding my way without the slightest +difficulty, I returned to Madame Orio's sitting-room, overwhelmed +with happiness. + + + + + +CHAPTER V + +An Unlucky Night I Fall in Love with the Two Sisters, and Forget +Angela--A Ball at My House--Juliette's Humiliation--My Return to +Pasian--Lucie's Misfortune--A Propitious Storm + + +On my reappearance, Madame Orio told me, with many heart-felt thanks, +that I must for the future consider myself as a privileged and +welcome friend, and the evening passed off very pleasantly. As the +hour for supper drew near, I excused myself so well that Madame Orio +could not insist upon my accepting her invitation to stay. Marton +rose to light me out of the room, but her aunt, believing Nanette to +be my favourite, gave her such an imperative order to accompany me +that she was compelled to obey. She went down the stairs rapidly, +opened and closed the street door very noisily, and putting her light +out, she reentered the sitting room, leaving me in darkness. I went +upstairs softly: when I reached the third landing I found the chamber +of the two sisters, and, throwing myself upon a sofa, I waited +patiently for the rising of the star of my happiness. An hour passed +amidst the sweetest dreams of my imagination; at last I hear the +noise of the street door opening and closing, and, a few minutes +after, the two sisters come in with my Angela. I draw her towards +me, and caring for nobody else, I keep up for two full hours my +conversation with her. The clock strikes midnight; I am pitied for +having gone so late supperless, but I am shocked at such an idea; I +answer that, with such happiness as I am enjoying, I can suffer from +no human want. I am told that I am a prisoner, that the key of the +house door is under the aunt's pillow, and that it is opened only by +herself as she goes in the morning to the first mass. I wonder at my +young friends imagining that such news can be anything but delightful +to me. I express all my joy at the certainty of passing the next +five hours with the beloved mistress of my heart. Another hour is +spent, when suddenly Nanette begins to laugh, Angela wants to know +the reason, and Marton whispering a few words to her, they both laugh +likewise. This puzzles me. In my turn, I want to know what causes +this general laughter, and at last Nanette, putting on an air of +anxiety, tells me that they have no more candle, and that in a few +minutes we shall be in the dark. This is a piece of news +particularly agreeable to me, but I do not let my satisfaction appear +on my countenance, and saying how truly I am sorry for their sake, I +propose that they should go to bed and sleep quietly under my +respectful guardianship. My proposal increases their merriment. + +"What can we do in the dark?" + +"We can talk." + +We were four; for the last three hours we had been talking, and I was +the hero of the romance. Love is a great poet, its resources are +inexhaustible, but if the end it has in view is not obtained, it +feels weary and remains silent. My Angela listened willingly, but +little disposed to talk herself, she seldom answered, and she +displayed good sense rather than wit. To weaken the force of my +arguments, she was often satisfied with hurling at me a proverb, +somewhat in the fashion of the Romans throwing the catapult. Every +time that my poor hands came to the assistance of love, she drew +herself back or repulsed me. Yet, in spite of all, I went on talking +and using my hands without losing courage, but I gave myself up to +despair when I found that my rather artful arguing astounded her +without bringing conviction to her heart, which was only disquieted, +never softened. On the other hand, I could see with astonishment +upon their countenances the impression made upon the two sisters by +the ardent speeches I poured out to Angela. This metaphysical curve +struck me as unnatural, it ought to have been an angle; I was then, +unhappily for myself, studying geometry. I was in such a state that, +notwithstanding the cold, I was perspiring profusely. At last the +light was nearly out, and Nanette took it away. + +The moment we were in the dark, I very naturally extended my arms to +seize her whom I loved; but I only met with empty space, and I could +not help laughing at the rapidity with which Angela had availed +herself of the opportunity of escaping me. For one full hour I +poured out all the tender, cheerful words that love inspired me with, +to persuade her to come back to me; I could only suppose that it was +a joke to tease me. But I became impatient. + +"The joke," I said, "has lasted long enough; it is foolish, as I +could not run after you, and I am surprised to hear you laugh, for +your strange conduct leads me to suppose that you are making fun of +me. Come and take your seat near me, and if I must speak to you +without seeing you let my hands assure me that I am not addressing my +words to the empty air. To continue this game would be an insult to +me, and my love does not deserve such a return." + +"Well, be calm. I will listen to every word you may say, but you +must feel that it would not be decent for me to place myself near you +in this dark room." + +"Do you want me to stand where I am until morning?" + +"Lie down on the bed, and go to sleep." + +"In wonder, indeed, at your thinking me capable of doing so in the +state I am in. Well, I suppose we must play at blind man's buff." + +Thereupon, I began to feel right and left, everywhere, but in vain. +Whenever I caught anyone it always turned out to be Nanette or +Marton, who at once discovered themselves, and I, stupid Don Quixote, +instantly would let them go! Love and prejudice blinded me, I could +not see how ridiculous I was with my respectful reserve. I had not +yet read the anecdotes of Louis XIII, king of France, but I had read +Boccacio. I kept on seeking in vain, reproaching her with her +cruelty, and entreating her to let me catch her; but she would only +answer that the difficulty of meeting each other was mutual. The +room was not large, and I was enraged at my want of success. + +Tired and still more vexed, I sat down, and for the next hour I told +the history of Roger, when Angelica disappears through the power of +the magic ring which the loving knight had so imprudently given her: + + 'Cosi dicendo, intorno a la fortuna + Brancolando n'andava come cieco. + O quante volte abbraccio l'aria vana + Speyando la donzella abbracciar seco'. + +Angela had not read Ariosto, but Nanette had done so several times. +She undertook the defence of Angelica, and blamed the simplicity of +Roger, who, if he had been wise, would never have trusted the ring to +a coquette. I was delighted with Nanette, but I was yet too much of +a novice to apply her remarks to myself. + +Only one more hour remained, and I was to leave before the break of +day, for Madame Orio would have died rather than give way to the +temptation of missing the early mass. During that hour I spoke to +Angela, trying to convince her that she ought to come and sit by me. +My soul went through every gradation of hope and despair, and the +reader cannot possibly realize it unless he has been placed in a +similar position. I exhausted the most convincing arguments; then I +had recourse to prayers, and even to tears; but, seeing all was +useless, I gave way to that feeling of noble indignation which lends +dignity to anger. Had I not been in the dark, I might, I truly +believe, have struck the proud monster, the cruel girl, who had thus +for five hours condemned me to the most distressing suffering. I +poured out all the abuse, all the insulting words that despised love +can suggest to an infuriated mind; I loaded her with the deepest +curses; I swore that my love had entirely turned into hatred, and, as +a finale, I advised her to be careful, as I would kill her the moment +I would set my eyes on her. + +My invectives came to an end with the darkness. At the first break +of day, and as soon as I heard the noise made by the bolt and the key +of the street door, which Madame Orio was opening to let herself out, +that she might seek in the church the repose of which her pious soul +was in need, I got myself ready and looked for my cloak and for my +hat. But how can I ever portray the consternation in which I was +thrown when, casting a sly glance upon the young friends, I found the +three bathed in tears! In my shame and despair I thought of +committing suicide, and sitting down again, I recollected my brutal +speeches, and upbraided myself for having wantonly caused them to +weep. I could not say one word; I felt choking; at last tears came +to my assistance, and I gave way to a fit of crying which relieved +me. Nanette then remarked that her aunt would soon return home; I +dried my eyes, and, not venturing another look at Angela or at her +friends, I ran away without uttering a word, and threw myself on my +bed, where sleep would not visit my troubled mind. + +At noon, M. de Malipiero, noticing the change in my countenance, +enquired what ailed me, and longing to unburden my heart, I told him +all that had happened. The wise old man did not laugh at my sorrow, +but by his sensible advice he managed to console me and to give me +courage. He was in the same predicament with the beautiful Therese. +Yet he could not help giving way to his merriment when at dinner he +saw me, in spite of my grief, eat with increased appetite; I had gone +without my supper the night before; he complimented me upon my happy +constitution. + +I was determined never to visit Madame Orio's house, and on that very +day I held an argument in metaphysics, in which I contended that any +being of whom we had only an abstract idea, could only exist +abstractedly, and I was right; but it was a very easy task to give to +my thesis an irreligious turn, and I was obliged to recant. A few +days afterwards I went to Padua, where I took my degree of doctor +'utroque jure'. + +When I returned to Venice, I received a note from M. Rosa, who +entreated me to call upon Madame Orio; she wished to see me, and, +feeling certain of not meeting Angela, I paid her a visit the same +evening. The two graceful sisters were so kind, so pleasant, that +they scattered to the winds the shame I felt at seeing them after the +fearful night I had passed in their room two months before. The +labours of writing my thesis and passing my examination were of +course sufficient excuses for Madame Orio, who only wanted to +reproach me for having remained so long away from her house. + +As I left, Nanette gave me a letter containing a note from Angela, +the contents of which ran as follows: + +"If you are not afraid of passing another night with me you shall +have no reason to complain of me, for I love you, and I wish to hear +from your own lips whether you would still have loved me if I had +consented to become contemptible in your eyes." + +This is the letter of Nanette, who alone had her wits about her: + +"M. Rosa having undertaken to bring you back to our house, I prepare +these few lines to let you know that Angela is in despair at having +lost you. I confess that the night you spent with us was a cruel +one, but I do not think that you did rightly in giving up your visits +to Madame Orio. If you still feel any love for Angela, I advise you +to take your chances once more. Accept a rendezvous for another +night; she may vindicate herself, and you will be happy. Believe me; +come. Farewell!" + +Those two letters afforded me much gratification, for I had it in my +power to enjoy my revenge by shewing to Angela the coldest contempt. +Therefore, on the following Sunday I went to Madame Orio's house, +having provided myself with a smoked tongue and a couple of bottles +of Cyprus wine; but to my great surprise my cruel mistress was not +there. Nanette told me that she had met her at church in the +morning, and that she would not be able to come before supper-time. +Trusting to that promise I declined Madam Orio's invitation, and +before the family sat down to supper I left the room as I had done on +the former occasion, and slipped upstairs. I longed to represent the +character I had prepared myself for, and feeling assured that Angela, +even if she should prove less cruel, would only grant me +insignificant favours, I despised them in anticipation, and resolved +to be avenged. + +After waiting three quarters of an hour the street door was locked, +and a moment later Nanette and Marton entered the room. + +"Where is Angela?" I enquired. + +"She must have been unable to come, or to send a message. Yet she +knows you are here." + +"She thinks she has made a fool of me; but I suspected she would act +in this way. You know her now. She is trifling with me, and very +likely she is now revelling in her triumph. She has made use of you +to allure me in the snare, and it is all the better for her; had she +come, I meant to have had my turn, and to have laughed at her." + +"Ah! you must allow me to have my doubts as to that." + +"Doubt me not, beautiful Nanette; the pleasant night we are going to +spend without her must convince you." + +"That is to say that, as a man of sense, you can accept us as a +makeshift; but you can sleep here, and my sister can lie with me on +the sofa in the next room." + +"I cannot hinder you, but it would be great unkindness on your part. +At all events, I do not intend to go to bed." + +"What! you would have the courage to spend seven hours alone with us? +Why, I am certain that in a short time you will be at a loss what to +say, and you will fall asleep." + +"Well, we shall see. In the mean-time here are provisions. You will +not be so cruel as to let me eat alone? Can you get any bread?" + +"Yes, and to please you we must have a second supper." + +"I ought to be in love with you. Tell me, beautiful Nanette, if I +were as much attached to you as I was to Angela, would you follow her +example and make me unhappy?" + +"How can you ask such a question? It is worthy of a conceited man. +All I can answer is, that I do not know what I would do." + +They laid the cloth, brought some bread, some Parmesan cheese and +water, laughing all the while, and then we went to work. The wine, +to which they were not accustomed, went to their heads, and their +gaiety was soon delightful. I wondered, as I looked at them, at my +having been blind enough not to see their merit. + +After our supper, which was delicious, I sat between them, holding +their hands, which I pressed to my lips, asking them whether they +were truly my friends, and whether they approved of Angela's conduct +towards me. They both answered that it had made them shed many +tears. "Then let me," I said, "have for you the tender feelings of a +brother, and share those feelings yourselves as if you were my +sisters; let us exchange, in all innocence, proofs of our mutual +affection, and swear to each other an eternal fidelity." + +The first kiss I gave them was prompted by entirely harmless motives, +and they returned the kiss, as they assured me a few days afterwards +only to prove to me that they reciprocated my brotherly feelings; but +those innocent kisses, as we repeated them, very soon became ardent +ones, and kindled a flame which certainly took us by surprise, for we +stopped, as by common consent, after a short time, looking at each +other very much astonished and rather serious. They both left me +without affectation, and I remained alone with my thoughts. Indeed, +it was natural that the burning kisses I had given and received +should have sent through me the fire of passion, and that I should +suddenly have fallen madly in love with the two amiable sisters. +Both were handsomer than Angela, and they were superior to her-- +Nanette by her charming wit, Marton by her sweet and simple nature; I +could not understand how I had been so long in rendering them the +justice they deserved, but they were the innocent daughters of a +noble family, and the lucky chance which had thrown them in my way +ought not to prove a calamity for them. I was not vain enough to +suppose that they loved me, but I could well enough admit that my +kisses had influenced them in the same manner that their kisses had +influenced me, and, believing this to be the case, it was evident +that, with a little cunning on my part, and of sly practices of which +they were ignorant, I could easily, during the long night I was going +to spend with them, obtain favours, the consequences of which might +be very positive. The very thought made me shudder, and I firmly +resolved to respect their virtue, never dreaming that circumstances +might prove too strong for me. + +When they returned, I read upon their countenances perfect security +and satisfaction, and I quickly put on the same appearance, with a +full determination not to expose myself again to the danger of their +kisses. + +For one hour we spoke of Angela, and I expressed my determination +never to see her again, as I had every proof that she did not care +for me. "She loves you," said the artless Marton; "I know she does, +but if you do not mean to marry her, you will do well to give up all +intercourse with her, for she is quite determined not to grant you +even a kiss as long as you are not her acknowledged suitor. You must +therefore either give up the acquaintance altogether, or make up your +mind that she will refuse you everything." + +"You argue very well, but how do you know that she loves me?" + +"I am quite sure of it, and as you have promised to be our brother, I +can tell you why I have that conviction. When Angela is in bed with +me, she embraces me lovingly and calls me her dear abbe." + +The words were scarcely spoken when Nanette, laughing heartily, +placed her hand on her sister's lips, but the innocent confession had +such an effect upon me that I could hardly control myself. + +Marton told Nanette that I could not possibly be ignorant of what +takes place between young girls sleeping together. + +"There is no doubt," I said, "that everybody knows those trifles, and +I do not think, dear Nanette, that you ought to reproach your sister +with indiscretion for her friendly confidence." + +"It cannot be helped now, but such things ought not to be mentioned. +If Angela knew it!" + +"She would be vexed, of course; but Marton has given me a mark of her +friendship which I never can forget. But it is all over; I hate +Angela, and I do not mean to speak to her any more! she is false, and +she wishes my ruin." + +"Yet, loving you, is she wrong to think of having you for her +husband?" + +"Granted that she is not; but she thinks only of her own self, for +she knows what I suffer, and her conduct would be very different if +she loved me. In the mean time, thanks to her imagination, she finds +the means of satisfying her senses with the charming Marton who +kindly performs the part of her husband." + +Nanette laughed louder, but I kept very serious, and I went on +talking to her sister, and praising her sincerity. I said that very +likely, and to reciprocate her kindness, Angela must likewise have +been her husband, but she answered, with a smile, that Angela played +husband only to Nanette, and Nanette could not deny it. + +"But," said I, "what name did Nanette, in her rapture, give to her +husband?" + +"Nobody knows." + +"Do you love anyone, Nanette?" + +"I do; but my secret is my own." + +This reserve gave me the suspicion that I had something to do with +her secret, and that Nanette was the rival of Angela. Such a +delightful conversation caused me to lose the wish of passing an idle +night with two girls so well made for love. + +"It is very lucky," I exclaimed, "that I have for you only feelings +of friendship; otherwise it would be very hard to pass the night +without giving way to the temptation of bestowing upon you proofs of +my affection, for you are both so lovely, so bewitching, that you +would turn the brains of any man." + +As I went on talking, I pretended to be somewhat sleepy; Nanette +being the first to notice it, said, "Go to bed without any ceremony, +we will lie down on the sofa in the adjoining room." + +"I would be a very poor-spirited fellow indeed, if I agreed to this; +let us talk; my sleepiness will soon pass off, but I am anxious about +you. Go to bed yourselves, my charming friends, and I will go into +the next room. If you are afraid of me, lock the door, but you would +do me an injustice, for I feel only a brother's yearnings towards +you." + +"We cannot accept such an arrangement," said Nanette, "but let me +persuade you; take this bed." + +"I cannot sleep with my clothes on." + +"Undress yourself; we will not look at you." + +"I have no fear of it, but how could I find the heart to sleep, while +on my account you are compelled to sit up?" + +"Well," said Marton, "we can lie down, too, without undressing." + +"If you shew me such distrust, you will offend me. Tell me, Nanette, +do you think I am an honest man?" + +"Most certainly." + +"Well, then, give me a proof of your good opinion; lie down near me +in the bed, undressed, and rely on my word of honour that I will not +even lay a finger upon you. Besides, you are two against one, what +can you fear? Will you not be free to get out of the bed in case I +should not keep quiet? In short, unless you consent to give me this +mark of your confidence in me, at least when I have fallen asleep, I +cannot go to bed." + +I said no more, and pretended to be very sleepy. They exchanged a +few words, whispering to each other, and Marton told me to go to bed, +that they would follow me as soon as I was asleep. Nanette made me +the same promise, I turned my back to them, undressed myself quickly, +and wishing them good night, I went to bed. I immediately pretended +to fall asleep, but soon I dozed in good earnest, and only woke when +they came to bed. Then, turning round as if I wished to resume my +slumbers, I remained very quiet until I could suppose them fast +asleep; at all events, if they did not sleep, they were at liberty to +pretend to do so. Their backs were towards me, and the light was +out; therefore I could only act at random, and I paid my first +compliments to the one who was lying on my right, not knowing whether +she was Nanette or Marton. I find her bent in two, and wrapped up in +the only garment she had kept on. Taking my time, and sparing her +modesty, I compel her by degrees to acknowledge her defeat, and +convince her that it is better to feign sleep and to let me proceed. +Her natural instincts soon working in concert with mine, I reach the +goal; and my efforts, crowned with the most complete success, leave +me not the shadow of a doubt that I have gathered those first-fruits +to which our prejudice makes us attach so great an importance. +Enraptured at having enjoyed my manhood completely and for the first +time, I quietly leave my beauty in order to do homage to the other +sister. I find her motionless, lying on her back like a person +wrapped in profound and undisturbed slumber. Carefully managing my +advance, as if I were afraid of waking her up, I begin by gently +gratifying her senses, and I ascertain the delightful fact that, like +her sister, she is still in possession of her maidenhood. As soon as +a natural movement proves to me that love accepts the offering, I +take my measures to consummate the sacrifice. At that moment, giving +way suddenly to the violence of her feelings, and tired of her +assumed dissimulation, she warmly locks me in her arms at the very +instant of the voluptuous crisis, smothers me with kisses, shares my +raptures, and love blends our souls in the most ecstatic enjoyment. + +Guessing her to be Nanette, I whisper her name. + +"Yes, I am Nanette," she answers; "and I declare myself happy, as +well as my sister, if you prove yourself true and faithful." + +"Until death, my beloved ones, and as everything we have done is the +work of love, do not let us ever mention the name of Angela." + +After this, I begged that she would give us a light; but Marton, +always kind and obliging, got out of bed leaving us alone. When I +saw Nanette in my arms, beaming with love, and Marton near the bed, +holding a candle, with her eyes reproaching us with ingratitude +because we did not speak to her, who, by accepting my first caresses, +had encouraged her sister to follow her example, I realized all my +happiness. + +"Let us get up, my darlings," said I, "and swear to each other +eternal affection." + +When we had risen we performed, all three together, ablutions which +made them laugh a good deal, and which gave a new impetus to the +ardour of our feelings. Sitting up in the simple costume of nature, +we ate the remains of our supper, exchanging those thousand trifling +words which love alone can understand, and we again retired to our +bed, where we spent a most delightful night giving each other mutual +and oft-repeated proofs of our passionate ardour. Nanette was the +recipient of my last bounties, for Madame Orio having left the house +to go to church, I had to hasten my departure, after assuring the two +lovely sisters that they had effectually extinguished whatever flame +might still have flickered in my heart for Angela. I went home and +slept soundly until dinner-time. + +M. de Malipiero passed a remark upon my cheerful looks and the dark +circles around my eyes, but I kept my own counsel, and I allowed him +to think whatever he pleased. On the following day I paid a visit to +Madame Orio, and Angela not being of the party, I remained to supper +and retired with M. Rosa. During the evening Nanette contrived to +give me a letter and a small parcel. The parcel contained a small +lump of wax with the stamp of a key, and the letter told me to have a +key made, and to use it to enter the house whenever I wished to spend +the night with them. She informed me at the same time that Angela +had slept with them the night following our adventures, and that, +thanks to their mutual and usual practices, she had guessed the real +state of things, that they had not denied it, adding that it was all +her fault, and that Angela, after abusing them most vehemently, had +sworn never again to darken their doors; but they did not care a jot. + +A few days afterwards our good fortune delivered us from Angela; she +was taken to Vicenza by her father, who had removed there for a +couple of years, having been engaged to paint frescoes in some houses +in that city. Thanks to her absence, I found myself undisturbed +possessor of the two charming sisters, with whom I spent at least two +nights every week, finding no difficulty in entering the house with +the key which I had speedily procured. + +Carnival was nearly over, when M. Manzoni informed me one day that +the celebrated Juliette wished to see me, and regretted much that I +had ceased to visit her. I felt curious as to what she had to say to +me, and accompanied him to her house. She received me very politely, +and remarking that she had heard of a large hall I had in my house, +she said she would like to give a ball there, if I would give her the +use of it. I readily consented, and she handed me twenty-four +sequins for the supper and for the band, undertaking to send people +to place chandeliers in the hall and in my other rooms. + +M. de Sanvitali had left Venice, and the Parmesan government had +placed his estates in chancery in consequence of his extravagant +expenditure. I met him at Versailles ten years afterwards. He wore +the insignia of the king's order of knighthood, and was grand equerry +to the eldest daughter of Louis XV., Duchess of Parma, who, like all +the French princesses, could not be reconciled to the climate of +Italy. + +The ball took place, and went off splendidly. All the guests +belonged to Juliette's set, with the exception of Madame Orio, her +nieces, and the procurator Rosa, who sat together in the room +adjoining the hall, and whom I had been permitted to introduce as +persons of no consequence whatever. + +While the after-supper minuets were being danced Juliette took me +apart, and said, "Take me to your bedroom; I have just got an amusing +idea." + +My room was on the third story; I shewed her the way. The moment we +entered she bolted the door, much to my surprise. "I wish you," she +said, "to dress me up in your ecclesiastical clothes, and I will +disguise you as a woman with my own things. We will go down and +dance together. Come, let us first dress our hair." + +Feeling sure of something pleasant to come, and delighted with such +an unusual adventure, I lose no time in arranging her hair, and I let +her afterwards dress mine. She applies rouge and a few beauty spots +to my face; I humour her in everything, and to prove her +satisfaction, she gives me with the best of grace a very loving kiss, +on condition that I do not ask for anything else. + +"As you please, beautiful Juliette, but I give you due notice that I +adore you!" + +I place upon my bed a shirt, an abbe's neckband, a pair of drawers, +black silk stockings--in fact, a complete fit-out. Coming near the +bed, Juliette drops her skirt, and cleverly gets into the drawers, +which were not a bad fit, but when she comes to the breeches there is +some difficulty; the waistband is too narrow, and the only remedy is +to rip it behind or to cut it, if necessary. I undertake to make +everything right, and, as I sit on the foot of my bed, she places +herself in front of me, with her back towards me. I begin my work, +but she thinks that I want to see too much, that I am not skilful +enough, and that my fingers wander in unnecessary places; she gets +fidgety, leaves me, tears the breeches, and manages in her own way. +Then I help her to put her shoes on, and I pass the shirt over her +head, but as I am disposing the ruffle and the neck-band, she +complains of my hands being too curious; and in truth, her bosom was +rather scanty. She calls me a knave and rascal, but I take no notice +of her. I was not going to be duped, and I thought that a woman who +had been paid one hundred thousand ducats was well worth some study. +At last, her toilet being completed, my turn comes. In spite of her +objections I quickly get rid of my breeches, and she must put on me +the chemise, then a skirt, in a word she has to dress me up. But all +at once, playing the coquette, she gets angry because I do not +conceal from her looks the very apparent proof that her charms have +some effect on a particular part of my being, and she refuses to +grant me the favour which would soon afford both relief and calm. I +try to kiss her, and she repulses me, whereupon I lose patience, and +in spite of herself she has to witness the last stage of my +excitement. At the sight of this, she pours out every insulting word +she can think of; I endeavour to prove that she is to blame, but it +is all in vain. + +However, she is compelled to complete my disguise. There is no doubt +that an honest woman would not have exposed herself to such an +adventure, unless she had intended to prove her tender feelings, and +that she would not have drawn back at the very moment she saw them +shared by her companion; but women like Juliette are often guided by +a spirit of contradiction which causes them to act against their own +interests. Besides, she felt disappointed when she found out that I +was not timid, and my want of restraint appeared to her a want of +respect. She would not have objected to my stealing a few light +favours which she would have allowed me to take, as being of no +importance, but, by doing that, I should have flattered her vanity +too highly. + +Our disguise being complete, we went together to the dancing-hall, +where the enthusiastic applause of the guests soon restored our good +temper. Everybody gave me credit for a piece of fortune which I had +not enjoyed, but I was not ill-pleased with the rumour, and went on +dancing with the false abbe, who was only too charming. Juliette +treated me so well during the night that I construed her manners +towards me into some sort of repentance, and I almost regretted what +had taken place between us; it was a momentary weakness for which I +was sorely punished. + +At the end of the quadrille all the men thought they had a right to +take liberties with the abbe, and I became myself rather free with +the young girls, who would have been afraid of exposing themselves to +ridicule had they offered any opposition to my caresses. + +M. Querini was foolish enough to enquire from me whether I had kept +on my breeches, and as I answered that I had been compelled to lend +them to Juliette, he looked very unhappy, sat down in a corner of the +room, and refused to dance. + +Every one of the guests soon remarked that I had on a woman's +chemise, and nobody entertained a doubt of the sacrifice having been +consummated, with the exception of Nanette and Marton, who could not +imagine the possibility of my being unfaithful to them. Juliette +perceived that she had been guilty of great imprudence, but it was +too late to remedy the evil. + +When we returned to my chamber upstairs, thinking that she had +repented of her previous behaviour, and feeling some desire to +possess her, I thought I would kiss her, and I took hold of her hand, +saying I was disposed to give her every satisfaction, but she quickly +slapped my face in so violent a manner that, in my indignation, I was +very near returning the compliment. I undressed myself rapidly +without looking at her, she did the same, and we came downstairs; +but, in spite of the cold water I had applied to my cheek, everyone +could easily see the stamp of the large hand which had come in +contact with my face. + +Before leaving the house, Juliette took me apart, and told me, in the +most decided and impressive manner, that if I had any fancy for being +thrown out of the window, I could enjoy that pleasure whenever I +liked to enter her dwelling, and that she would have me murdered if +this night's adventure ever became publicly known. I took care not +to give her any cause for the execution of either of her threats, but +I could not prevent the fact of our having exchanged shirts being +rather notorious. As I was not seen at her house, it was generally +supposed that she had been compelled by M. Querini to keep me at a +distance. The reader will see how, six years later, this +extraordinary woman thought proper to feign entire forgetfulness of +this adventure. + +I passed Lent, partly in the company of my loved ones, partly in the +study of experimental physics at the Convent of the Salutation. My +evenings were always given to M. de Malipiero's assemblies. At +Easter, in order to keep the promise I had made to the Countess of +Mont-Real, and longing to see again my beautiful Lucie, I went to +Pasean. I found the guests entirely different to the set I had met +the previous autumn. Count Daniel, the eldest of the family, had +married a Countess Gozzi, and a young and wealthy government +official, who had married a god-daughter of the old countess, was +there with his wife and his sister-in-law. I thought the supper very +long. The same room had been given to me, and I was burning to see +Lucie, whom I did not intend to treat any more like a child. I did +not see her before going to bed, but I expected her early the next +morning, when lo! instead of her pretty face brightening my eyes, I +see standing before me a fat, ugly servant-girl! I enquire after the +gatekeeper's family, but her answer is given in the peculiar dialect +of the place, and is, of course, unintelligible to me. + +I wonder what has become of Lucie; I fancy that our intimacy has been +found out, I fancy that she is ill--dead, perhaps. I dress myself +with the intention of looking for her. If she has been forbidden to +see me, I think to myself, I will be even with them all, for somehow +or other I will contrive the means of speaking to her, and out of +spite I will do with her that which honour prevented love from +accomplishing. As I was revolving such thoughts, the gate-keeper +comes in with a sorrowful countenance. I enquire after his wife's +health, and after his daughter, but at the name of Lucie his eyes are +filled with tears. + +"What! is she dead?" + +"Would to God she were!" + +"What has she done?" + +"She has run away with Count Daniel's courier, and we have been +unable to trace her anywhere." + +His wife comes in at the moment he replies, and at these words, which +renewed her grief, the poor woman faints away. The keeper, seeing +how sincerely I felt for his misery, tells me that this great +misfortune befell them only a week before my arrival. + +"I know that man l'Aigle," I say; "he is a scoundrel. Did he ask to +marry Lucie?" + +"No; he knew well enough that our consent would have been refused!" + +"I wonder at Lucie acting in such a way." + +"He seduced her, and her running away made us suspect the truth, for +she had become very stout." + +"Had he known her long?" + +"About a month after your last visit she saw him for the first time. +He must have thrown a spell over her, for our Lucie was as pure as a +dove, and you can, I believe, bear testimony to her goodness." + +"And no one knows where they are?" + +"No one. God alone knows what this villain will do with her." + +I grieved as much as the unfortunate parents; I went out and took a +long ramble in the woods to give way to my sad feelings. During two +hours I cogitated over considerations, some true, some false, which +were all prefaced by an if. If I had paid this visit, as I might +have done, a week sooner, loving Lucie would have confided in me, and +I would have prevented that self-murder. If I had acted with her as +with Nanette and Marton, she would not have been left by me in that +state of ardent excitement which must have proved the principal cause +of her fault, and she would not have fallen a prey to that scoundrel. +If she had not known me before meeting the courier, her innocent soul +would never have listened to such a man. I was in despair, for in my +conscience I acknowledged myself the primary agent of this infamous +seduction; I had prepared the way for the villain. + +Had I known where to find Lucie, I would certainly have gone forth on +the instant to seek for her, but no trace whatever of her whereabouts +had been discovered. + +Before I had been made acquainted with Lucie's misfortune I felt +great pride at having had sufficient power over myself to respect her +innocence; but after hearing what had happened I was ashamed of my +own reserve, and I promised myself that for the future I would on +that score act more wisely. I felt truly miserable when my +imagination painted the probability of the unfortunate girl being +left to poverty and shame, cursing the remembrance of me, and hating +me as the first cause of her misery. This fatal event caused me to +adopt a new system, which in after years I carried sometimes rather +too far. + +I joined the cheerful guests of the countess in the gardens, and +received such a welcome that I was soon again in my usual spirits, +and at dinner I delighted everyone. + +My sorrow was so great that it was necessary either to drive it away +at once or to leave Pasean. But a new life crept into my being as I +examined the face and the disposition of the newly-married lady. Her +sister was prettier, but I was beginning to feel afraid of a novice; +I thought the work too great. + +This newly-married lady, who was between nineteen and twenty years of +age, drew upon herself everybody's attention by her over-strained and +unnatural manners. A great talker, with a memory crammed with maxims +and precepts often without sense, but of which she loved to make a +show, very devout, and so jealous of her husband that she did not +conceal her vexation when he expressed his satisfaction at being +seated at table opposite her sister, she laid herself open to much +ridicule. Her husband was a giddy young fellow, who perhaps felt +very deep affection for his wife, but who imagined that, through good +breeding, he ought to appear very indifferent, and whose vanity found +pleasure in giving her constant causes for jealousy. She, in her +turn, had a great dread of passing for an idiot if she did not shew +her appreciation of, and her resentment for, his conduct. She felt +uneasy in the midst of good company, precisely because she wished to +appear thoroughly at home. If I prattled away with some of my +trilling nonsense, she would stare at me, and in her anxiety not to +be thought stupid, she would laugh out of season. Her oddity, her +awkwardness, and her self-conceit gave me the desire to know her +better, and I began to dance attendance upon her. + +My attentions, important and unimportant, my constant care, ever my +fopperies, let everybody know that I meditated conquest. The husband +was duly warned, but, with a great show of intrepidity, he answered +with a joke every time he was told that I was a formidable rival. On +my side I assumed a modest, and even sometimes a careless appearance, +when, to shew his freedom from jealousy, he excited me to make love +to his wife, who, on her part, understood but little how to perform +the part of fancy free. + +I had been paying my address to her for five or six days with great +constancy, when, taking a walk with her in the garden, she +imprudently confided to me the reason of her anxiety respecting her +husband, and how wrong he was to give her any cause for jealousy. I +told her, speaking as an old friend, that the best way to punish him +would be to take no apparent notice of her, husband's preference for +her sister, and to feign to be herself in love with me. In order to +entice her more easily to follow my advice, I added that I was well +aware of my plan being a very difficult one to carry out, and that to +play successfully such a character a woman must be particularly +witty. I had touched her weak point, and she exclaimed that she +would play the part to perfection; but in spite of her self- +confidence she acquitted herself so badly that everybody understood +that the plan was of my own scheming. + +If I happened to be alone with her in the dark paths of the garden, +and tried to make her play her part in real earnest, she would take +the dangerous step of running away, and rejoining the other guests; +the result being that, on my reappearance, I was called a bad +sportsman who frightened the bird away. I would not fail at the +first opportunity to reproach her for her flight, and to represent +the triumph she had thus prepared for her spouse. I praised her +mind, but lamented over the shortcomings of her education; I said +that the tone, the manners I adopted towards her, were those of good +society, and proved the great esteem I entertained for her +intelligence, but in the middle of all my fine speeches, towards the +eleventh or twelfth day of my courtship, she suddenly put me out of +all conceit by telling me that, being a priest, I ought to know that +every amorous connection was a deadly sin, that God could see every +action of His creatures, and that she would neither damn her soul nor +place herself under the necessity of saying to her confessor that she +had so far forgotten herself as to commit such a sin with a priest. +I objected that I was not yet a priest, but she foiled me by +enquiring point-blank whether or not the act I had in view was to be +numbered amongst the cardinal sins, for, not feeling the courage to +deny it, I felt that I must give up the argument and put an end to +the adventure. + +A little consideration having considerably calmed my feelings, +everybody remarked my new countenance during dinner; and the old +count, who was very fond of a joke, expressed loudly his opinion that +such quiet demeanour on my part announced the complete success of my +campaign. Considering such a remark to be favourable to me, I took +care to spew my cruel devotee that such was the way the world would +judge, but all this was lost labour. Luck, however, stood me in good +stead, and my efforts were crowned with success in the following +manner. + +On Ascension Day, we all went to pay a visit to Madame Bergali, a +celebrated Italian poetess. On my return to Pasean the same evening, +my pretty mistress wished to get into a carriage for four persons in +which her husband and sister were already seated, while I was alone +in a two-wheeled chaise. I exclaimed at this, saying that such a +mark of distrust was indeed too pointed, and everybody remonstrated +with her, saying that she ought not to insult me so cruelly. She was +compelled to come with me, and having told the postillion that I +wanted to go by the nearest road, he left the other carriages, and +took the way through the forest of Cequini. The sky was clear and +cloudless when we left, but in less than half-an-hour we were visited +by one of those storms so frequent in the south, which appear likely +to overthrow heaven and earth, and which end rapidly, leaving behind +them a bright sky and a cool atmosphere, so that they do more good +than harm. + +"Oh, heavens!" exclaimed my companion, "we shall have a storm." + +"Yes," I say, "and although the chaise is covered, the rain will +spoil your pretty dress. I am very sorry." + +"I do not mind the dress; but the thunder frightens me so!" + +"Close your ears." + +"And the lightning?" + +"Postillion, let us go somewhere for shelter." + +"There is not a house, sir, for a league, and before we come to it, +the storm will have passed off." + +He quietly keeps on his way, and the lightning flashes, the thunder +sends forth its mighty voice, and the lady shudders with fright. The +rain comes down in torrents, I take off my cloak to shelter us in +front, at the same moment we are blinded by a flash of lightning, and +the electric fluid strikes the earth within one hundred yards of us. +The horses plunge and prance with fear, and my companion falls in +spasmodic convulsions. She throws herself upon me, and folds me in +her arms. The cloak had gone down, I stoop to place it around us, +and improving my opportunity I take up her clothes. She tries to +pull them down, but another clap of thunder deprives her of every +particle of strength. Covering her with the cloak, I draw her +towards me, and the motion of the chaise coming to my assistance, she +falls over me in the most favourable position. I lose no time, and +under pretence of arranging my watch in my fob, I prepare myself for +the assault. On her side, conscious that, unless she stops me at +once, all is lost, she makes a great effort; but I hold her tightly, +saying that if she does not feign a fainting fit, the post-boy will +turn round and see everything; I let her enjoy the pleasure of +calling me an infidel, a monster, anything she likes, but my victory +is the most complete that ever a champion achieved. + +The rain, however, was falling, the wind, which was very high, blew +in our faces, and, compelled to stay where she was, she said I would +ruin her reputation, as the postillion could see everything. + +"I keep my eye upon him," I answered, "he is not thinking of us, and +even if he should turn his head, the cloak shelters us from him. Be +quiet, and pretend to have fainted, for I will not let you go." + +She seems resigned, and asks how I can thus set the storm at +defiance. + +"The storm, dear one, is my best friend to-day." + +She almost seems to believe me, her fear vanishes, and feeling my +rapture, she enquires whether I have done. I smile and answer in the +negative, stating that I cannot let her go till the storm is over. +"Consent to everything, or I let the cloak drop," I say to her. + +"Well, you dreadful man, are you satisfied, now that you have insured +my misery for the remainder of my life?" + +"No, not yet." + +"What more do you want?" + +"A shower of kisses." + +"How unhappy I am! Well! here they are." + +"Tell me you forgive me, and confess that you have shared all my +pleasure." + +"You know I did. Yes, I forgive you." + +Then I give her her liberty, and treating her to some very pleasant +caresses, I ask her to have the same kindness for me, and she goes to +work with a smile on her pretty lips. + +"Tell me you love me," I say to her. + +"No, I do not, for you are an atheist, and hell awaits you." + +The weather was fine again, and the elements calm; I kissed her hands +and told her that the postillion had certainly not seen anything, and +that I was sure I had cured her of her dread of thunder, but that she +was not likely to reveal the secret of my remedy. She answered that +one thing at least was certain, namely that no other woman had ever +been cured by the same prescription. + +"Why," I said, "the same remedy has very likely been applied a +million of times within the last thousand years. To tell you the +truth, I had somewhat depended upon it, when we entered the chaise +together, for I did not know any other way of obtaining the happiness +of possessing you. But console yourself with the belief that, placed +in the same position, no frightened woman could have resisted." + +"I believe you; but for the future I will travel only with my +husband." + +"You would be wrong, for your husband would not have been clever +enough to cure your fright in the way I have done." + +"True, again. One learns some curious things in your company; but we +shall not travel tete-d-tete again." + +We reached Pasean an hour before our friends. We get out of the +chaise, and my fair mistress ran off to her chamber, while I was +looking for a crown for the postillion. I saw that he was grinning. + +"What are you laughing at?" + +"Oh! you know." + +"Here, take this ducat and keep a quiet tongue in your head." + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +My Grandmother's Death and Its Consequences I Lose M. de Malipiero's +Friendship--I Have No Longer a Home--La Tintoretta--I Am Sent to a +Clerical Seminary--I Am Expelled From It, and Confined in a Fortress + + +During supper the conversation turned altogether upon the storm, and +the official, who knew the weakness of his wife, told me that he was +quite certain I would never travel with her again. "Nor I with him," +his wife remarked, "for, in his fearful impiety, he exorcised the +lightning with jokes." + +Henceforth she avoided me so skilfully that I never could contrive +another interview with her. + +When I returned to Venice I found my grandmother ill, and I had to +change all my habits, for I loved her too dearly not to surround her +with every care and attention; I never left her until she had +breathed her last. She was unable to leave me anything, for during +her life she had given me all she could, and her death compelled me +to adopt an entirely different mode of life. + +A month after her death, I received a letter from my mother informing +me that, as there was no probability of her return to Venice, she had +determined to give up the house, the rent of which she was still +paying, that she had communicated her intention to the Abbe Grimani, +and that I was to be guided entirely by his advice. + +He was instructed to sell the furniture, and to place me, as well as +my brothers and my sister, in a good boarding-house. I called upon +Grimani to assure him of my perfect disposition to obey his commands. + +The rent of the house had been paid until the end of the year; but, +as I was aware that the furniture would be sold on the expiration of +the term, I placed my wants under no restraint. I had already sold +some linen, most of the china, and several tapestries; I now began to +dispose of the mirrors, beds, etc. I had no doubt that my conduct +would be severely blamed, but I knew likewise that it was my father's +inheritance, to which my mother had no claim whatever, and, as to my +brothers, there was plenty of time before any explanation could take +place between us. + +Four months afterwards I had a second letter from my mother, dated +from Warsaw, and enclosing another. Here is the translation of my +mother's letter + +"My dear son, I have made here the acquaintance of a learned Minim +friar, a Calabrian by birth, whose great qualities have made me think +of you every time he has honoured me with a visit. A year ago I told +him that I had a son who was preparing himself for the Church, but +that I had not the means of keeping him during his studies, and he +promised that my son would become his own child, if I could obtain +for him from the queen a bishopric in his native country, and he +added that it would be very easy to succeed if I could induce the +sovereign to recommend him to her daughter, the queen of Naples. + +"Full of trust in the Almighty, I threw myself at the feet of her +majesty, who granted me her gracious protection. She wrote to her +daughter, and the worthy friar has been appointed by the Pope to the +bishopric of Monterano. Faithful to his promise, the good bishop +will take you with him about the middle of next year, as he passes +through Venice to reach Calabria. He informs you himself of his +intentions in the enclosed letter. Answer him immediately, my dear +son, and forward your letter to me; I will deliver it to the bishop. +He will pave your way to the highest dignities of the Church, and you +may imagine my consolation if, in some twenty or thirty years, I had +the happiness of seeing you a bishop, at least! Until his arrival, +M. Grimani will take care of you. I give you my blessing, and I am, +my dear child, etc., etc." + +The bishop's letter was written in Latin, and was only a repetition +of my mother's. It was full of unction, and informed me that he +would tarry but three days in Venice. + +I answered according to my mother's wishes, but those two letters had +turned my brain. I looked upon my fortune as made. I longed to +enter the road which was to lead me to it, and I congratulated myself +that I could leave my country without any regret. Farewell, Venice, +I exclaimed; the days for vanity are gone by, and in the future I +will only think of a great, of a substantial career! M. Grimani +congratulated me warmly on my good luck, and promised all his +friendly care to secure a good boarding-house, to which I would go at +the beginning of the year, and where I would wait for the bishop's +arrival. + +M. de Malipiero, who in his own way had great wisdom, and who saw +that in Venice I was plunging headlong into pleasures and +dissipation, and was only wasting a precious time, was delighted to +see me on the eve of going somewhere else to fulfil my destiny, and +much pleased with my ready acceptance of those new circumstances in +my life. He read me a lesson which I have never forgotten. "The +famous precept of the Stoic philosophers," he said to me, "'Sequere +Deum', can he perfectly explained by these words: 'Give yourself up +to whatever fate offers to you, provided you do not feel an +invincible repugnance to accept it.'" He added that it was the +genius of Socrates, 'saepe revocans, raro impellens'; and that it was +the origin of the 'fata viam inveniunt' of the same philosophers. + +M. de Malipiero's science was embodied in that very lesson, for he +had obtained his knowledge by the study of only one book--the book of +man. However, as if it were to give me the proof that perfection +does not exist, and that there is a bad side as well as a good one to +everything, a certain adventure happened to me a month afterwards +which, although I was following his own maxims, cost me the loss of +his friendship, and which certainly did not teach me anything. + +The senator fancied that he could trace upon the physiognomy of young +people certain signs which marked them out as the special favourites +of fortune. When he imagined that he had discovered those signs upon +any individual, he would take him in hand and instruct him how to +assist fortune by good and wise principles; and he used to say, with +a great deal of truth, that a good remedy would turn into poison in +the hands of a fool, but that poison is a good remedy when +administered by a learned man. He had, in my time, three favourites +in whose education he took great pains. They were, besides myself, +Therese Imer, with whom the reader has a slight acquaintance already, +and the third was the daughter of the boatman Gardela, a girl three +years younger than I, who had the prettiest and most fascinating +countenance. The speculative old man, in order to assist fortune in +her particular case, made her learn dancing, for, he would say, the +ball cannot reach the pocket unless someone pushes it. This girl +made a great reputation at Stuttgard under the name of Augusta. She +was the favourite mistress of the Duke of Wurtemburg in 1757. She +was a most charming woman. The last time I saw her she was in +Venice, and she died two years afterwards. Her husband, Michel de +l'Agata, poisoned himself a short time after her death. + +One day we had all three dined with him, and after dinner the senator +left us, as was his wont, to enjoy his siesta; the little Gardela, +having a dancing lesson to take, went away soon after him, and I +found myself alone with Therese, whom I rather admired, although I +had never made love to her. We were sitting down at a table very +near each other, with our backs to the door of the room in which we +thought our patron fast asleep, and somehow or other we took a fancy +to examine into the difference of conformation between a girl and a +boy; but at the most interesting part of our study a violent blow on +my shoulders from a stick, followed by another, and which would have +been itself followed by many more if I had not ran away, compelled us +to abandon our interesting investigation unfinished. I got off +without hat or cloak, and went home; but in less than a quarter of an +hour the old housekeeper of the senator brought my clothes with a +letter which contained a command never to present myself again at the +mansion of his excellency. I immediately wrote him an answer in the +following terms: "You have struck me while you were the slave of your +anger; you cannot therefore boast of having given me a lesson, and I +have not learned anything. To forgive you I must forget that you are +a man of great wisdom, and I can never forget it." + +This nobleman was perhaps quite right not to be pleased with the +sight we gave him; yet, with all his prudence, he proved himself very +unwise, for all the servants were acquainted with the cause of my +exile, and, of course, the adventure was soon known through the city, +and was received with great merriment. He dared not address any +reproaches to Therese, as I heard from her soon after, but she could +not venture to entreat him to pardon me. + +The time to leave my father's house was drawing near, and one fine +morning I received the visit of a man about forty years old, with a +black wig, a scarlet cloak, and a very swarthy complexion, who handed +me a letter from M. Grimani, ordering me to consign to the bearer all +the furniture of the house according to the inventory, a copy of +which was in my possession. Taking the inventory in my hand, I +pointed out every article marked down, except when the said article, +having through my instrumentality taken an airing out of the house, +happened to be missing, and whenever any article was absent I said +that I had not the slightest idea where it might be. But the uncouth +fellow, taking a very high tone, said loudly that he must know what I +had done with the furniture. His manner being very disagreeable to +me, I answered that I had nothing to do with him, and as he still +raised his voice I advised him to take himself off as quickly as +possible, and I gave him that piece of advice in such a way as to +prove to him that, at home, I knew I was the more powerful of the +two. + +Feeling it my duty to give information to M. Grimani of what had +just taken place, I called upon him as soon as he was up, but I found +that my man was already there, and that he had given his own account +of the affair. The abbe, after a very severe lecture to which I had +to listen in silence, ordered me to render an account of all the +missing articles. I answered that I had found myself under the +necessity of selling them to avoid running into debt. This +confession threw him in a violent passion; he called me a rascal, +said that those things did not belong to me, that he knew what he had +to do, and he commanded me to leave his house on the very instant. + +Mad with rage, I ran for a Jew, to whom I wanted to sell what +remained of the furniture, but when I returned to my house I found a +bailiff waiting at the door, and he handed me a summons. I looked +over it and perceived that it was issued at the instance of Antonio +Razetta. It was the name of the fellow with the swarthy countenance. +The seals were already affixed on all the doors, and I was not even +allowed to go to my room, for a keeper had been left there by the +bailiff. I lost no time, and called upon M. Rosa, to whom I related +all the circumstances. After reading the summons he said, + +"The seals shall be removed to-morrow morning, and in the meantime I +shall summon Razetta before the avogador. But to-night, my dear +friend," he added, "you must beg the hospitality of some one of your +acquaintances. It has been a violent proceeding, but you shall be +paid handsomely for it; the man is evidently acting under +M. Grimani's orders." + +"Well, that is their business." + +I spent the night with Nanette and Marton, and on the following +morning, the seals having been taken off, I took possession of my +dwelling. Razetta did not appear before the 'avogador', and M. Rosa +summoned him in my name before the criminal court, and obtained +against him a writ of 'capias' in case he should not obey the second +summons. On the third day M. Grimani wrote to me, commanding me to +call upon him. I went immediately. As soon as I was in his presence +he enquired abruptly what my intentions were. + +"I intend to shield myself from your violent proceedings under the +protection of the law, and to defend myself against a man with whom I +ought never to have had any connection, and who has compelled me to +pass the night in a disreputable place." + +"In a disreputable place?" + +"Of course. Why was I, against all right and justice, prevented from +entering my own dwelling?" + +"You have possession of it now. But you must go to your lawyer and +tell him to suspend all proceedings against Razetta, who has done +nothing but under my instructions. I suspected that your intention +was to sell the rest of the furniture; I have prevented it. There is +a room at your disposal at St. Chrysostom's, in a house of mine, the +first floor of which is occupied by La Tintoretta, our first opera +dancer. Send all your things there, and come and dine with me every +day. Your sister and your brothers have been provided with a +comfortable home; therefore, everything is now arranged for the +best." + +I called at once upon M. Rosa, to whom I explained all that had taken +place, and his advice being to give way to M. Grimani's wishes, I +determined to follow it. Besides, the arrangement offered the best +satisfaction I could obtain, as to be a guest at his dinner table was +an honour for me. I was likewise full of curiosity respecting my new +lodging under the same roof with La Tintoretta, who was much talked +of, owing to a certain Prince of Waldeck who was extravagantly +generous with her. + +The bishop was expected in the course of the summer; I had, +therefore, only six months more to wait in Venice before taking the +road which would lead me, perhaps, to the throne of Saint Peter: +everything in the future assumed in my eyes the brightest hue, and my +imagination revelled amongst the most radiant beams of sunshine; my +castles in the air were indeed most beautiful. + +I dined the same day with M. Grimani, and I found myself seated next +to Razetta--an unpleasant neighbour, but I took no notice of him. +When the meal was over, I paid a last visit to my beautiful house in +Saint-Samuel's parish, and sent all I possessed in a gondola to my +new lodging. + +I did not know Signora Tintoretta, but I was well acquainted with her +reputation, character and manners. She was but a poor dancer, +neither handsome nor plain, but a woman of wit and intellect. Prince +Waldeck spent a great deal for her, and yet he did not prevent her +from retaining the titulary protection of a noble Venetian of the Lin +family, now extinct, a man about sixty years of age, who was her +visitor at every hour of the day. This nobleman, who knew me, came +to my room towards the evening, with the compliments of the lady, +who, he added, was delighted to have me in her house, and would be +pleased to receive me in her intimate circle. + +To excuse myself for not having been the first to pay my respects to +the signora, I told M. Lin that I did not know she was my neighbour, +that M. Grimani had not mentioned the circumstance, otherwise I would +have paid my duties to her before taking possession of my lodging. +After this apology I followed the ambassador, he presented me to his +mistress, and the acquaintance was made. + +She received me like a princess, took off her glove before giving me +her hand to kiss, mentioned my name before five or six strangers who +were present, and whose names she gave me, and invited me to take a +seat near her. As she was a native of Venice, I thought it was +absurd for her to speak French to me, and I told her that I was not +acquainted with that language, and would feel grateful if she would +converse in Italian. She was surprised at my not speaking French, +and said I would cut but a poor figure in her drawing-room, as they +seldom spoke any other language there, because she received a great +many foreigners. I promised to learn French. Prince Waldeck came in +during the evening; I was introduced to him, and he gave me a very +friendly welcome. He could speak Italian very well, and during the +carnival he chewed me great kindness. He presented me with a gold +snuffbox as a reward for a very poor sonnet which I had written for +his dear Grizellini. This was her family name; she was called +Tintoretta because her father had been a dyer. + +The Tintoretta had greater claims than Juliette to the admiration of +sensible men. She loved poetry, and if it had not been that I was +expecting the bishop, I would have fallen in love with her. She was +herself smitten with a young physician of great merit, named +Righelini, who died in the prime of life, and whom I still regret. I +shall have to mention him in another part of my Memoirs. + +Towards the end of the carnival, my mother wrote to M. Grimani that +it would be a great shame if the bishop found me under the roof of an +opera dancer, and he made up his mind to lodge me in a respectable +and decent place. He took the Abbe Tosello into consultation, and +the two gentlemen thought that the best thing they could do for me +would be to send me to a clerical seminary. They arranged everything +unknown to me, and the abbe undertook to inform me of their plan and +to obtain from me a gracious consent. But when I heard him speak +with beautiful flowers of rhetoric for the purpose of gilding the +bitter pill, I could not help bursting into a joyous laughter, and I +astounded his reverence when I expressed my readiness to go anywhere +he might think right to send me. + +The plan of the two worthy gentlemen was absurd, for at the age of +seventeen, and with a nature like mine, the idea of placing me in a +seminary ought never to have been entertained, but ever a faithful +disciple of Socrates, feeling no unconquerable reluctance, and the +plan, on the contrary, appearing to me rather a good joke, I not only +gave a ready consent, but I even longed to enter the seminary. I +told M. Grimani I was prepared to accept anything, provided Razetta +had nothing to do with it. He gave me his promise, but he did not +keep it when I left the seminary. I have never been able to decide +whether this Grimani was kind because he was a fool, or whether his +stupidity was the result of his kindness, but all his brothers were +the same. The worst trick that Dame Fortune can play upon an +intelligent young man is to place him under the dependence of a fool. +A few days afterwards, having been dressed as a pupil of a clerical +seminary by the care of the abbe, I was taken to Saint-Cyprian de +Muran and introduced to the rector. + +The patriarchal church of Saint-Cyprian is served by an order of the +monks, founded by the blessed Jerome Miani, a nobleman of Venice. +The rector received me with tender affection and great kindness. But +in his address (which was full of unction) I thought I could perceive +a suspicion on his part that my being sent to the seminary was a +punishment, or at least a way to put a stop to an irregular life, +and, feeling hurt in my dignity, I told him at once, "Reverend +father, I do not think that any one has the right of punishing me." + +"No, no, my son," he answered, "I only meant that you would be very +happy with us." + +We were then shewn three halls, in which we found at least one +hundred and fifty seminarists, ten or twelve schoolrooms, the +refectory, the dormitory, the gardens for play hours, and every pain +was taken to make me imagine life in such a place the happiest that +could fall to the lot of a young man, and to make me suppose that I +would even regret the arrival of the bishop. Yet they all tried to +cheer me up by saying that I would only remain there five or six +months. Their eloquence amused me greatly. + +I entered the seminary at the beginning of March, and prepared myself +for my new life by passing the night between my two young friends, +Nanette and Marton, who bathed their pillows with tears; they could +not understand, and this was likewise the feeling of their aunt and +of the good M. Rosa, how a young man like myself could shew such +obedience. + +The day before going to the seminary, I had taken care to entrust all +my papers to Madame Manzoni. They made a large parcel, and I left it +in her hands for fifteen years. The worthy old lady is still alive, +and with her ninety years she enjoys good health and a cheerful +temper. She received me with a smile, and told me that I would not +remain one month in the seminary. + +"I beg your pardon, madam, but I am very glad to go there, and intend +to remain until the arrival of the bishop." + +"You do not know your own nature, and you do not know your bishop, +with whom you will not remain very long either." + +The abbe accompanied me to the seminary in a gondola, but at Saint- +Michel he had to stop in consequence of a violent attack of vomiting +which seized me suddenly; the apothecary cured me with some mint- +water. + +I was indebted for this attack to the too frequent sacrifices which I +had been offering on the altar of love. Any lover who knows what his +feelings were when he found himself with the woman he adored and with +the fear that it was for the last time, will easily imagine my +feelings during the last hours that I expected ever to spend with my +two charming mistresses. I could not be induced to let the last +offering be the last, and I went on offering until there was no more +incense left. + +The priest committed me to the care of the rector, and my luggage was +carried to the dormitory, where I went myself to deposit my cloak and +my hat. I was not placed amongst the adults, because, +notwithstanding my size, I was not old enough. Besides, I would not +shave myself, through vanity, because I thought that the down on my +face left no doubt of my youth. It was ridiculous, of course; but +when does man cease to be so? We get rid of our vices more easily +than of our follies. Tyranny has not had sufficient power over me to +compel me to shave myself; it is only in that respect that I have +found tyranny to be tolerant. + +"To which school do you wish to belong?" asked the rector. + +"To the dogmatic, reverend father; I wish to study the history of the +Church." + +"I will introduce you to the father examiner." + +"I am doctor in divinity, most reverend father, and do not want to be +examined." + +"It is necessary, my dear son; come with me." + +This necessity appeared to me an insult, and I felt very angry; but a +spirit of revenge quickly whispered to me the best way to mystify +them, and the idea made me very joyful. I answered so badly all the +questions propounded in Latin by the examiner, I made so many +solecisms, that he felt it his duty to send me to an inferior class +of grammar, in which, to my great delight, I found myself the +companion of some twenty young urchins of about ten years, who, +hearing that I was doctor in divinity, kept on saying: 'Accipiamus +pecuniam, et mittamus asinum in patriam suam'. + +Our play hours afforded me great amusement; my companions of the +dormitory, who were all in the class of philosophy at least, looked +down upon me with great contempt, and when they spoke of their own +sublime discourses, they laughed if I appeared to be listening +attentively to their discussions which, as they thought, must have +been perfect enigmas to me. I did not intend to betray myself, but +an accident, which I could not avoid, forced me to throw off the +mask. + +Father Barbarigo, belonging to the Convent of the Salutation at +Venice, whose pupil I had been in physics, came to pay a visit to the +rector, and seeing me as we were coming from mass paid me his +friendly compliments. His first question was to enquire what science +I was studying, and he thought I was joking when I answered that I +was learning the grammar. The rector having joined us, I left them +together, and went to my class. An our later, the rector sent for +me. + +"Why did you feign such ignorance at the examination?" he asked. + +"Why," I answered, "were you unjust enough to compel me to the +degradation of an examination?" + +He looked annoyed, and escorted me to the dogmatic school, where my +comrades of the dormitory received me with great astonishment, and in +the afternoon, at play time, they gathered around me and made me very +happy with their professions of friendship. + +One of them, about fifteen years old, and who at the present time +must, if still alive, be a bishop, attracted my notice by his +features as much as by his talents. He inspired me with a very warm +friendship, and during recess, instead of playing skittles with the +others, we always walked together. We conversed upon poetry, and we +both delighted in the beautiful odes of Horace. We liked Ariosto +better than Tasso, and Petrarch had our whole admiration, while +Tassoni and Muratori, who had been his critics, were the special +objects of our contempt. We were such fast friends, after four days +of acquaintance, that we were actually jealous of each other, and to +such an extent that if either of us walked about with any seminarist, +the other would be angry and sulk like a disappointed lover. + +The dormitory was placed under the supervision of a lay friar, and it +was his province to keep us in good order. After supper, accompanied +by this lay friar, who had the title of prefect, we all proceeded to +the dormitory. There, everyone had to go to his own bed, and to +undress quietly after having said his prayers in a low voice. When +all the pupils were in bed, the prefect would go to his own. A large +lantern lighted up the dormitory, which had the shape of a +parallelogram eighty yards by ten. The beds were placed at equal +distances, and to each bed there were a fold-stool, a chair, and room +for the trunk of the Seminarist. At one end was the washing place, +and at the other the bed of the prefect. The bed of my friend was +opposite mine, and the lantern was between us. + +The principal duty of the prefect was to take care that no pupil +should go and sleep with one of his comrades, for such a visit was +never supposed an innocent one. It was a cardinal sin, and, bed +being accounted the place for sleep and not for conversation, it was +admitted that a pupil who slept out of his own bed, did so only for +immoral purposes. So long as he stopped in his own bed, he could do +what he liked; so much the worse for him if he gave himself up to bad +practices. It has been remarked in Germany that it is precisely in +those institutions for young men in which the directors have taken +most pains to prevent onanism that this vice is most prevalent. + +Those who had framed the regulations in our seminary were stupid +fools, who had not the slightest knowledge of either morals or human +nature. Nature has wants which must be administered to, and Tissot +is right only as far as the abuse of nature is concerned, but this +abuse would very seldom occur if the directors exercised proper +wisdom and prudence, and if they did not make a point of forbidding +it in a special and peculiar manner; young people give way to +dangerous excesses from a sheer delight in disobedience,-- +a disposition very natural to humankind, since it began with Adam and +Eve. + +I had been in the seminary for nine or ten days, when one night I +felt someone stealing very quietly in my bed; my hand was at once +clutched, and my name whispered. I could hardly restrain my +laughter. It was my friend, who, having chanced to wake up and +finding that the lantern was out, had taken a sudden fancy to pay me +a visit. I very soon begged him to go away for fear the prefect +should be awake, for in such a case we should have found ourselves in +a very unpleasant dilemma, and most likely would have been accused of +some abominable offence. As I was giving him that good advice we +heard someone moving, and my friend made his escape; but immediately +after he had left me I heard the fall of some person, and at the same +time the hoarse voice of the prefect exclaiming: + +"Ah, villain! wait until to-morrow--until to-morrow!" + +After which threat he lighted the lantern and retired to his couch. + +The next morning, before the ringing of the bell for rising, the +rector, followed by the prefect, entered the dormitory, and said to +us: + +"Listen to me, all of you. You are aware of what has taken place +this last night. Two amongst you must be guilty; but I wish to +forgive them, and to save their honour I promise that their names +shall not be made public. I expect every one of you to come to me +for confession before recess." + +He left the dormitory, and we dressed ourselves. In the afternoon, +in obedience to his orders, we all went to him and confessed, after +which ceremony we repaired to the garden, where my friend told me +that, having unfortunately met the prefect after he left me, he had +thought that the best way was to knock him down, in order to get time +to reach his own bed without being known. + +"And now," I said, "you are certain of being forgiven, for, of +course, you have wisely confessed your error?" + +"You are joking," answered my friend; "why, the good rector would not +have known any more than he knows at present, even if my visit to you +had been paid with a criminal intent." + +"Then you must have made a false confession: you are at all events +guilty of disobedience?" + +"That may be, but the rector is responsible for the guilt, as he used +compulsion." + +"My dear friend, you argue in a very forcible way, and the very +reverend rector must by this time be satisfied that the inmates of +our dormitory are more learned than he is himself." + +No more would have been said about the adventure if, a few nights +after, I had not in my turn taken a fancy to return the visit paid by +my friend. Towards midnight, having had occasion to get out of bed, +and hearing the loud snoring of the prefect, I quickly put out the +lantern and went to lie beside my friend. He knew me at once, and +gladly received me; but we both listened attentively to the snoring +of our keeper, and when it ceased, understanding our danger, I got up +and reached my own bed without losing a second, but the moment I got +to it I had a double surprise. In the first place I felt somebody +lying in my bed, and in the second I saw the prefect, with a candle +in his hand, coming along slowly and taking a survey of all the beds +right and left. I could understand the prefect suddenly lighting a +candle, but how could I realize what I saw--namely, one of my +comrades sleeping soundly in my bed, with his back turned to me? I +immediately made up my mind to feign sleep. After two or three +shakings given by the prefect, I pretended to wake up, and my bed- +companion woke up in earnest. Astonished at finding himself in my +bed, he offered me an apology: + +"I have made a mistake," he said, "as I returned from a certain place +in the dark, I found your bed empty, and mistook it for mine." + +"Very likely," I answered; "I had to get up, too." + +"Yes," remarked the prefect; "but how does it happen that you went to +bed without making any remark when, on your return, you found your +bed already tenanted? And how is it that, being in the dark, you did +not suppose that you were mistaken yourself?" + +"I could not be mistaken, for I felt the pedestal of this crucifix of +mine, and I knew I was right; as to my companion here, I did not feel +him." + +"It is all very unlikely," answered our Argus; and he went to the +lantern, the wick of which he found crushed down. + +"The wick has been forced into the oil, gentlemen; it has not gone +out of itself; it has been the handiwork of one of you, but it will +be seen to in the morning." + +My stupid companion went to his own bed, the prefect lighted the lamp +and retired to his rest, and after this scene, which had broken the +repose of every pupil, I quietly slept until the appearance of the +rector, who, at the dawn of day, came in great fury, escorted by his +satellite, the prefect. + +The rector, after examining the localities and submitting to a +lengthy interrogatory first my accomplice, who very naturally was +considered as the most guilty, and then myself, whom nothing could +convict of the offence, ordered us to get up and go to church to +attend mass. As soon as we were dressed, he came back, and +addressing us both, he said, kindly: + +"You stand both convicted of a scandalous connivance, and it is +proved by the fact of the lantern having been wilfully extinguished. +I am disposed to believe that the cause of all this disorder is, if +not entirely innocent, at least due only to extreme thoughtlessness; +but the scandal given to all your comrades, the outrage offered to +the discipline and to the established rules of the seminary, call +loudly for punishment. Leave the room." + +We obeyed; but hardly were we between the double doors of the +dormitory than we were seized by four servants, who tied our hands +behind us, and led us to the class room, where they compelled us to +kneel down before the great crucifix. The rector told them to +execute his orders, and, as we were in that position, the wretches +administered to each of us seven or eight blows with a stick, or with +a rope, which I received, as well as my companion, without a murmur. +But the moment my hands were free, I asked the rector whether I could +write two lines at the very foot of the cross. He gave orders to +bring ink and paper, and I traced the following words: + +"I solemnly swear by this God that I have never spoken to the +seminarist who was found in my bed. As an innocent person I must +protest against this shameful violence. I shall appeal to the +justice of his lordship the patriarch." + +My comrade in misery signed this protest with me; after which, +addressing myself to all the pupils, I read it aloud, calling upon +them to speak the truth if any one could say the contrary of what I +had written. They, with one voice, immediately declared that we had +never been seen conversing together, and that no one knew who had put +the lamp out. The rector left the room in the midst of hisses and +curses, but he sent us to prison all the same at the top of the house +and in separate cells. An hour afterwards, I had my bed, my trunk +and all my things, and my meals were brought to me every day. On the +fourth day, the Abbe Tosello came for me with instructions to bring +me to Venice. I asked him whether he had sifted this unpleasant +affair; he told me that he had enquired into it, that he had seen the +other seminarist, and that he believed we were both innocent; but the +rector would not confess himself in the wrong, and he did not see +what could be done. + +I threw off my seminarist's habit, and dressed myself in the clothes +I used to wear in Venice, and, while my luggage was carried to a +boat, I accompanied the abbe to M. Grimani's gondola in which he had +come, and we took our departure. On our way, the abbe ordered the +boatman to leave my things at the Palace Grimani, adding that he was +instructed by M. Grimani to tell me that, if I had the audacity to +present myself at his mansion, his servants had received orders to +turn me away. + +He landed me near the convent of the Jesuits, without any money, and +with nothing but what I had on my back. + +I went to beg a dinner from Madame Manzoni, who laughed heartily at +the realization of her prediction. After dinner I called upon M. +Rosa to see whether the law could protect me against the tyranny of +my enemies, and after he had been made acquainted with the +circumstances of the case, he promised to bring me the same evening, +at Madame Orio's house, an extra-judicial act. I repaired to the +place of appointment to wait for him, and to enjoy the pleasure of my +two charming friends at my sudden reappearance. It was indeed very +great, and the recital of my adventures did not astonish them less +than my unexpected presence. M. Rosa came and made me read the act +which he had prepared; he had not had time to have it engrossed by +the notary, but he undertook to have it ready the next day. + +I left Madame Orio to take supper with my brother Francois, who +resided with a painter called Guardi; he was, like me, much oppressed +by the tyranny of Grimani, and I promised to deliver him. Towards +midnight I returned to the two amiable sisters who were expecting me +with their usual loving impatience, but, I am bound to confess it +with all humility, my sorrows were prejudicial to love in spite of +the fortnight of absence and of abstinence. They were themselves +deeply affected to see me so unhappy, and pitied me with all their +hearts. I endeavoured to console them, and assured them that all my +misery would soon come to an end, and that we would make up for lost +time. + +In the morning, having no money, and not knowing where to go, I went +to St. Mark's Library, where I remained until noon. I left it with +the intention of dining with Madame Manzoni, but I was suddenly +accosted by a soldier who informed me that someone wanted to speak to +me in a gondola to which he pointed. I answered that the person +might as well come out, but he quietly remarked that he had a friend +at hand to conduct me forcibly to the gondola, if necessary, and +without any more hesitation I went towards it. I had a great dislike +to noise or to anything like a public exhibition. I might have +resisted, for the soldiers were unarmed, and I would not have been +taken up, this sort of arrest not being legal in Venice, but I did +not think of it. The 'sequere deum' was playing its part; I felt no +reluctance. Besides, there are moments in which a courageous man has +no courage, or disdains to shew it. + +I enter the gondola, the curtain is drawn aside, and I see my evil +genius, Razetta, with an officer. The two soldiers sit down at the +prow; I recognize M. Grimani's own gondola, it leaves the landing and +takes the direction of the Lido. No one spoke to me, and I remained +silent. After half-an-hour's sailing, the gondola stopped before the +small entrance of the Fortress St. Andre, at the mouth of the +Adriatic, on the very spot where the Bucentaur stands, when, on +Ascension Day, the doge comes to espouse the sea. + +The sentinel calls the corporal; we alight, the officer who +accompanied me introduces me to the major, and presents a letter to +him. The major, after reading its contents, gives orders to M. Zen, +his adjutant, to consign me to the guard-house. In another quarter +of an hour my conductors take their departure, and M. Zen brings me +three livres and a half, stating that I would receive the same amount +every week. It was exactly the pay of a private. + +I did not give way to any burst of passion, but I felt the most +intense indignation. Late in the evening I expressed a wish to have +some food bought, for I could not starve; then, stretching myself +upon a hard camp bed, I passed the night amongst the soldiers without +closing my eyes, for these Sclavonians were singing, eating garlic, +smoking a bad tobacco which was most noxious, and drinking a wine of +their own country, as black as ink, which nobody else could swallow. + +Early next morning Major Pelodoro (the governor of the fortress) +called me up to his room, and told me that, in compelling me to spend +the night in the guard-house, he had only obeyed the orders he had +received from Venice from the secretary of war. "Now, reverend sir," +he added, "my further orders are only to keep you a prisoner in the +fort, and I am responsible for your remaining here. I give you the +whole of the fortress for your prison. You shall have a good room in +which you will find your bed and all your luggage. Walk anywhere you +please; but recollect that, if you should escape, you would cause my +ruin. I am sorry that my instructions are to give you only ten sous +a day, but if you have any friends in Venice able to send you some +money, write to them, and trust to me for the security of your +letters. Now you may go to bed, if you need rest." + +I was taken to my room; it was large and on the first story, with two +windows from which I had a very fine view. I found my bed, and I +ascertained with great satisfaction that my trunk, of which I had the +keys, had not been forced open. The major had kindly supplied my +table with all the implements necessary for writing. A Sclavonian +soldier informed me very politely that he would attend upon me, and +that I would pay him for his services whenever I could, for everyone +knew that I had only ten sous a day. I began by ordering some soup, +and, when I had dispatched it, I went to bed and slept for nine +hours. When I woke, I received an invitation to supper from the +major, and I began to imagine that things, after all, would not be so +very bad. + +I went to the honest governor, whom I found in numerous company. He +presented me to his wife and to every person present. I met there +several officers, the chaplain of the fortress, a certain Paoli Vida, +one of the singers of St. Mark's Church, and his wife, a pretty +woman, sister-in-law of the major, whom the husband chose to confine +in the fort because he was very jealous (jealous men are not +comfortable at Venice), together with several other ladies, not very +young, but whom I thought very agreeable, owing to their kind +welcome. + +Cheerful as I was by nature, those pleasant guests easily managed to +put me in the best of humours. Everyone expressed a wish to know the +reasons which could have induced M. Grimani to send me to the +fortress, so I gave a faithful account of all my adventures since my +grandmother's death. I spoke for three hours without any bitterness, +and even in a pleasant tone, upon things which, said in a different +manner, might have displeased my audience; all expressed their +satisfaction, and shewed so much sympathy that, as we parted for the +night, I received from all an assurance of friendship and the offer +of their services. This is a piece of good fortune which has never +failed me whenever I have been the victim of oppression, until I +reached the age of fifty. Whenever I met with honest persons +expressing a curiosity to know the history of the misfortune under +which I was labouring, and whenever I satisfied their curiosity, I +have inspired them with friendship, and with that sympathy which was +necessary to render them favourable and useful to me. + +That success was owing to a very simple artifice; it was only to tell +my story in a quiet and truthful manner, without even avoiding the +facts which told against me. It is simple secret that many men do +not know, because the larger portion of humankind is composed of +cowards; a man who always tells the truth must be possessed of great +moral courage. Experience has taught me that truth is a talisman, +the charm of which never fails in its effect, provided it is not +wasted upon unworthy people, and I believe that a guilty man, who +candidly speaks the truth to his judge, has a better chance of being +acquitted, than the innocent man who hesitates and evades true +statements. Of course the speaker must be young, or at least in the +prime of manhood; for an old man finds the whole of nature combined +against him. + +The major had his joke respecting the visit paid and returned to the +seminarist's bed, but the chaplain and the ladies scolded him. The +major advised me to write out my story and send it to the secretary +of war, undertaking that he should receive it, and he assured me that +he would become my protector. All the ladies tried to induce me to +follow the major's advice. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +My Short Stay in Fort St. Andre--My First Repentance in Love Affairs +I Enjoy the Sweets of Revenge, and Prove a Clever Alibi--Arrest of +Count Bonafede--My Release--Arrival of the Bishop--Farewell to Venice + + +The fort, in which the Republic usually kept only a garrison of one +hundred half-pay Sclavonians, happened to contain at that time two +thousand Albanian soldiers, who were called Cimariotes. + +The secretary of war, who was generally known under the title of +'sage a l'ecriture', had summoned these men from the East in +consequence of some impending promotion, as he wanted the officers to +be on the spot in order to prove their merits before being rewarded. +They all came from the part of Epirus called Albania, which belongs +to the Republic of Venice, and they had distinguished themselves in +the last war against the Turks. It was for me a new and +extraordinary sight to examine some eighteen or twenty officers, all +of an advanced age, yet strong and healthy, shewing the scars which +covered their face and their chest, the last naked and entirely +exposed through military pride. The lieutenant-colonel was +particularly conspicuous by his wounds, for, without exaggeration, he +had lost one-fourth of his head. He had but one eye, but one ear, +and no jaw to speak of. Yet he could eat very well, speak without +difficulty, and was very cheerful. He had with him all his family, +composed of two pretty daughters, who looked all the prettier in +their national costume, and of seven sons, every one of them a +soldier. This lieutenant-colonel stood six feet high, and his figure +was magnificent, but his scars so completely deformed his features +that his face was truly horrid to look at. Yet I found so much +attraction in him that I liked him the moment I saw him, and I would +have been much pleased to converse with him if his breath had not +sent forth such a strong smell of garlic. All the Albanians had +their pockets full of it, and they enjoyed a piece of garlic with as +much relish as we do a sugar-plum. After this none can maintain it +to be a poison, though the only medicinal virtue it possesses is to +excite the appetite, because it acts like a tonic upon a weak +stomach. + +The lieutenant-colonel could not read, but he was not ashamed of his +ignorance, because not one amongst his men, except the priest and the +surgeon, could boast greater learning. Every man, officer or +private, had his purse full of gold; half of them, at least, were +married, and we had in the fortress a colony of five or six hundred +women, with God knows how many children! I felt greatly interested +in them all. Happy idleness! I often regret thee because thou hast +often offered me new sights, and for the same reason I hate old age +which never offers but what I know already, unless I should take up a +gazette, but I cared nothing for them in my young days. + +Alone in my room I made an inventory of my trunk, and having put +aside everything of an ecclesiastical character, I sent for a Jew, +and sold the whole parcel unmercifully. Then I wrote to M. Rosa, +enclosing all the tickets of the articles I had pledged, requesting +him to have them sold without any exception, and to forward me the +surplus raised by the sale. Thanks to that double operation, I was +enabled to give my Sclavonian servant the ten sous allowed to me +every day. Another soldier, who had been a hair-dresser, took care +of my hair which I had been compelled to neglect, in consequence of +the rules of the seminary. I spent my time in walking about the fort +and through the barracks, and my two places of resort were the +major's apartment for some intellectual enjoyment, and the rooms of +the Albanian lieutenant-colonel for a sprinkling of love. The +Albanian feeling certain that his colonel would be appointed +brigadier, solicited the command of the regiment, but he had a rival +and he feared his success. I wrote him a petition, short, but so +well composed that the secretary of war, having enquired the name of +the author, gave the Albanian his colonelcy. On his return to the +fort, the brave fellow, overjoyed at his success, hugged me in his +arms, saying that he owed it all to me; he invited me to a family +dinner, in which my very soul was parched by his garlic, and he +presented me with twelve botargoes and two pounds of excellent +Turkish tobacco. + +The result of my petition made all the other officers think that they +could not succeed without the assistance of my pen, and I willingly +gave it to everybody; this entailed many quarrels upon me, for I +served all interests, but, finding myself the lucky possessor of some +forty sequins, I was no longer in dread of poverty, and laughed at +everything. However, I met with an accident which made me pass six +weeks in a very unpleasant condition. + +On the 2nd of April, the fatal anniversary of my first appearance in +this world, as I was getting up in the morning, I received in my room +the visit of a very handsome Greek woman, who told me that her +husband, then ensign in the regiment, had every right to claim the +rank of lieutenant, and that he would certainly be appointed, if it +were not for the opposition of his captain who was against him, +because she had refused him certain favours which she could bestow +only upon her husband. She handed me some certificates, and begged +me to write a petition which she would present herself to the +secretary of war, adding that she could only offer me her heart in +payment. I answered that her heart ought not to go alone; I acted as +I had spoken, and I met with no other resistance than the objection +which a pretty woman is always sure to feign for the sake of +appearance. After that, I told her to come back at noon, and that +the petition would be ready. She was exact to the appointment, and +very kindly rewarded me a second time; and in the evening, under +pretence of some alterations to be made in the petition, she afforded +an excellent opportunity of reaping a third recompense. + +But, alas! the path of pleasure is not strewn only with roses! On +the third day, I found out, much to my dismay, that a serpent had +been hid under the flowers. Six weeks of care and of rigid diet re- +established my health. + +When I met the handsome Greek again, I was foolish enough to reproach +her for the present she had bestowed upon me, but she baffled me by +laughing, and saying that she had only offered me what she possessed, +and that it was my own fault if I had not been sufficiently careful. +The reader cannot imagine how much this first misfortune grieved me, +and what deep shame I felt. I looked upon myself as a dishonoured +man, and while I am on that subject I may as well relate an incident +which will give some idea of my thoughtlessness. + +Madame Vida, the major's sister-in-law, being alone with me one +morning, confided in me in a moment of unreserved confidence what she +had to suffer from the jealous disposition of her husband, and his +cruelty in having allowed her to sleep alone for the last four years, +when she was in the very flower of her age. + +"I trust to God," she added, "that my husband will not find out that +you have spent an hour alone with me, for I should never hear the end +of it." + +Feeling deeply for her grief, and confidence begetting confidence, I +was stupid enough to tell her the sad state to which I had been +reduced by the cruel Greek woman, assuring her that I felt my misery +all the more deeply, because I should have been delighted to console +her, and to give her the opportunity of a revenge for her jealous +husband's coldness. At this speech, in which my simplicity and good +faith could easily be traced, she rose from her chair, and upbraided +me with every insult which an outraged honest woman might hurl at the +head of a bold libertine who has presumed too far. Astounded, but +understanding perfectly well the nature of my crime, I bowed myself +out of her room; but as I was leaving it she told me in the same +angry tone that my visits would not be welcome for the future, as I +was a conceited puppy, unworthy of the society of good and +respectable women. I took care to answer that a respectable woman +would have been rather more reserved than she had been in her +confidences. On reflection I felt pretty sure that, if I had been in +good health, or had said nothing about my mishap, she would have been +but too happy to receive my consolations. + +A few days after that incident I had a much greater cause to regret +my acquaintance with the Greek woman. On Ascension Day, as the +ceremony of the Bucentaur was celebrated near the fort, M. Rosa +brought Madame Orio and her two nieces to witness it, and I had the +pleasure of treating them all to a good dinner in my room. I found +myself, during the day, alone with my young friends in one of the +casements, and they both loaded me with the most loving caresses and +kisses. I felt that they expected some substantial proof of my love; +but, to conceal the real state, of things, I pretended to be afraid +of being surprised, and they had to be satisfied with my shallow +excuse. + +I had informed my mother by letter of all I had suffered from +Grimani's treatment; she answered that she had written to him on the +subject, that she had no doubt he would immediately set me at +liberty, and that an arrangement had been entered into by which M. +Grimani would devote the money raised by Razetta from the sale of the +furniture to the settlement of a small patrimony on my youngest +brother. But in this matter Grimani did not act honestly, for the +patrimony was only settled thirteen years afterwards, and even then +only in a fictitious manner. I shall have an opportunity later on of +mentioning this unfortunate brother, who died very poor in Rome +twenty years ago. + +Towards the middle of June the Cimariotes were sent back to the East, +and after their departure the garrison of the fort was reduced to its +usual number. I began to feel weary in this comparative solitude, +and I gave way to terrible fits of passion. + +The heat was intense, and so disagreeable to me that I wrote to M. +Grimani, asking for two summer suits of clothes, and telling him +where they would be found, if Razetta had not sold them. A week +afterwards I was in the major's apartment when I saw the wretch +Razetta come in, accompanied by a man whom he introduced as Petrillo, +the celebrated favourite of the Empress of Russia, just arrived from +St. Petersburg. He ought to have said infamous instead of +celebrated, and clown instead of favourite. + +The major invited them to take a seat, and Razetta, receiving a +parcel from Grimani's gondolier, handed it to me, saying, + +"I have brought you your rags; take them." + +I answered: + +"Some day I will bring you a 'rigano':" + +At these words the scoundrel dared to raise his cane, but the +indignant major compelled him to lower his tone by asking him whether +he had any wish to pass the night in the guard-house. Petrillo, who +had not yet opened his lips, told me then that he was sorry not to +have found me in Venice, as I might have shewn him round certain +places which must be well known to me. + +"Very likely we should have met your wife in such places," +I answered. + +"I am a good judge of faces," he said, "and I can see that you are a +true gallows-bird." + +I was trembling with rage, and the major, who shared my utter +disgust, told them that he had business to transact, and they took +their leave. The major assured me that on the following day he would +go to the war office to complain of Razetta, and that he would have +him punished for his insolence. + +I remained alone, a prey to feelings of the deepest indignation, and +to a most ardent thirst for revenge. + +The fortress was entirely surrounded by water, and my windows were +not overlooked by any of the sentinels. A boat coming under my +windows could therefore easily take me to Venice during the night and +bring me back to the fortress before day-break. All that was +necessary was to find a boatman who, for a certain amount, would risk +the galleys in case of discovery. Amongst several who brought +provisions to the fort, I chose a boatman whose countenance pleased +me, and I offered him one sequin; he promised to let me know his +decision on the following day. He was true to his time, and declared +himself ready to take me. He informed me that, before deciding to +serve me, he had wished to know whether I was kept in the fort for +any great crime, but as the wife of the major had told him that my +imprisonment had been caused by very trifling frolics, I could rely +upon him. We arranged that he should be under my window at the +beginning of the night, and that his boat should be provided with a +mast long enough to enable me to slide along it from the window to +the boat. + +The appointed hour came, and everything being ready I got safely into +the boat, landed at the Sclavonian quay, ordered the boatman to wait +for me, and wrapped up in a mariner's cloak I took my way straight to +the gate of Saint-Sauveur, and engaged the waiter of a coffee-room to +take me to Razetta's house. + +Being quite certain that he would not be at home at that time, I rang +the bell, and I heard my sister's voice telling me that if I wanted +to see him I must call in the morning. Satisfied with this, I went +to the foot of the bridge and sat down, waiting there to see which +way he would come, and a few minutes before midnight I saw him +advancing from the square of Saint-Paul. It was all I wanted to +know; I went back to my boat and returned to the fort without any +difficulty. At five o'clock in the morning everyone in the garrison +could see me enjoying my walk on the platform. + +Taking all the time necessary to mature my plans, I made the +following arrangements to secure my revenge with perfect safety, and +to prove an alibi in case I should kill my rascally enemy, as it was +my intention to do. The day preceding the night fixed for my +expedition, I walked about with the son of the Adjutant Zen, who was +only twelve years old, but who amused me much by his shrewdness. The +reader will meet him again in the year 1771. As I was walking with +him, I jumped down from one of the bastions, and feigned to sprain my +ankle. Two soldiers carried me to my room, and the surgeon of the +fort, thinking that I was suffering from a luxation, ordered me to +keep to bed, and wrapped up the ankle in towels saturated with +camphorated spirits of wine. Everybody came to see me, and I +requested the soldier who served me to remain and to sleep in my +room. I knew that a glass of brandy was enough to stupefy the man, +and to make him sleep soundly. As soon as I saw him fast asleep, I +begged the surgeon and the chaplain, who had his room over mine, to +leave me, and at half-past ten I lowered myself in the boat. + +As soon as I reached Venice, I bought a stout cudgel, and I sat +myself down on a door-step, at the corner of the street near Saint- +Paul's Square. A narrow canal at the end of the street, was, I +thought, the very place to throw my enemy in. That canal has now +disappeared. + +At a quarter before twelve I see Razetta, walking along leisurely. I +come out of the street with rapid strides, keeping near the wall to +compel him to make room for me, and I strike a first blow on the +head, and a second on his arm; the third blow sends him tumbling in +the canal, howling and screaming my name. At the same instant a +Forlan, or citizen of Forli, comes out of a house on my left side +with a lantern in his hand. A blow from my cudgel knocks the lantern +out of his grasp, and the man, frightened out of his wits, takes to +his heels. I throw away my stick, I run at full speed through the +square and over the bridge, and while people are hastening towards +the spot where the disturbance had taken place, I jump into the boat, +and, thanks to a strong breeze swelling our sail, I get back to the +fortress. Twelve o'clock was striking as I re-entered my room +through the window. I quickly undress myself, and the moment I am in +my bed I wake up the soldier by my loud screams, telling him to go +for the surgeon, as I am dying of the colic. + +The chaplain, roused by my screaming, comes down and finds me in +convulsions. In the hope that some diascordium would relieve me, the +good old man runs to his room and brings it, but while he has gone +for some water I hide the medicine. After half an hour of wry faces, +I say that I feel much better, and thanking all my friends, I beg +them to retire, which everyone does, wishing me a quiet sleep. + +The next morning I could not get up in consequence of my sprained +ankle, although I had slept very well; the major was kind enough to +call upon me before going to Venice, and he said that very likely my +colic had been caused by the melon I had eaten for my dinner the day +before. + +The major returned at one o'clock in the afternoon. "I have good +news to give you," he said to me, with a joyful laugh. "Razetta was +soundly cudgelled last night and thrown into a canal." + +"Has he been killed?" + +"No; but I am glad of it for your sake, for his death would make your +position much more serious. You are accused of having done it." + +"I am very glad people think me guilty; it is something of a revenge, +but it will be rather difficult to bring it home to me." + +"Very difficult! All the same, Razetta swears he recognized you, and +the same declaration is made by the Forlan who says that you struck +his hand to make him drop his lantern. Razetta's nose is broken, +three of his teeth are gone, and his right arm is severely hurt. You +have been accused before the avogador, and M. Grimani has written to +the war office to complain of your release from the fortress without +his knowledge. I arrived at the office just in time. The secretary +was reading Grimani's letter, and I assured his excellency that it +was a false report, for I left you in bed this morning, suffering +from a sprained ankle. I told him likewise that at twelve o'clock +last night you were very near death from a severe attack of colic." + +"Was it at midnight that Razetta was so well treated?" + +"So says the official report. The war secretary wrote at once to M. +Grimani and informed him that you have not left the fort, and that +you are even now detained in it, and that the plaintiff is at +liberty, if he chooses, to send commissaries to ascertain the fact. +Therefore, my dear abbe, you must prepare yourself for an +interrogatory." + +"I expect it, and I will answer that I am very sorry to be innocent." + +Three days afterwards, a commissary came to the fort with a clerk of +the court, and the proceedings were soon over. Everybody knew that I +had sprained my ankle; the chaplain, the surgeon, my body-servant, +and several others swore that at midnight I was in bed suffering from +colic. My alibi being thoroughly proved, the avogador sentenced +Razetta and the Forlan to pay all expenses without prejudice to my +rights of action. + +After this judgment, the major advised me to address to the secretary +of war a petition which he undertook to deliver himself, and to claim +my release from the fort. I gave notice of my proceedings to M. +Grimani, and a week afterwards the major told me that I was free, and +that he would himself take me to the abbe. It was at dinnertime, and +in the middle of some amusing conversation, that he imparted that +piece of information. Not supposing him to be in earnest, and in +order to keep up the joke, I told him very politely that I preferred +his house to Venice, and that, to prove it, I would be happy to +remain a week longer, if he would grant me permission to do so. I +was taken at my word, and everybody seemed very pleased. But when, +two hours later, the news was confirmed, and I could no longer doubt +the truth of my release, I repented the week which I had so foolishly +thrown away as a present to the major; yet I had not the courage to +break my word, for everybody, and particularly his wife, had shown +such unaffected pleasure, it would have been contemptible of me to +change my mind. The good woman knew that I owed her every kindness +which I had enjoyed, and she might have thought me ungrateful. + +But I met in the fort with a last adventure, which I must not forget +to relate. + +On the following day, an officer dressed in the national uniform +called upon the major, accompanied by an elderly man of about sixty +years of age, wearing a sword, and, presenting to the major a +dispatch with the seal of the war office, he waited for an answer, +and went away as soon as he had received one from the governor. + +After the officer had taken leave, the major, addressing himself to +the elderly gentleman, to whom he gave the title of count, told him +that his orders were to keep him a prisoner, and that he gave him the +whole of the fort for his prison. The count offered him his sword, +but the major nobly refused to take it, and escorted him to the room +he was to occupy. Soon after, a servant in livery brought a bed and +a trunk, and the next morning the same servant, knocking at my door, +told me that his master begged the honour of my company to breakfast. +I accepted the invitation, and he received me with these words: + +"Dear sir, there has been so much talk in Venice about the skill with +which you proved your incredible alibi, that I could not help asking +for the honour of your acquaintance." + +"But, count, the alibi being a true one, there can be no skill +required to prove it. Allow me to say that those who doubt its truth +are paying me a very poor compliment, for--" + +"Never mind; do not let us talk any more of that, and forgive me. +But as we happen to be companions in misfortune, I trust you will not +refuse me your friendship. Now for breakfast." + +After our meal, the count, who had heard from me some portion of my +history, thought that my confidence called for a return on his part, +and he began: "I am the Count de Bonafede. In my early days I served +under Prince Eugene, but I gave up the army, and entered on a civil +career in Austria. I had to fly from Austria and take refuge in +Bavaria in consequence of an unfortunate duel. In Munich I made the +acquaintance of a young lady belonging to a noble family; I eloped +with her and brought her to Venice, where we were married. I have +now been twenty years in Venice. I have six children, and everybody +knows me. About a week ago I sent my servant to the postoffice for +my letters, but they were refused him because he had not any money to +pay the postage. I went myself, but the clerk would not deliver me +my letters, although I assured him that I would pay for them the next +time. This made me angry, and I called upon the Baron de Taxis, the +postmaster, and complained of the clerk, but he answered very rudely +that the clerk had simply obeyed his orders, and that my letters +would only be delivered on payment of the postage. I felt very +indignant, but as I was in his house I controlled my anger, went +home, and wrote a note to him asking him to give me satisfaction for +his rudeness, telling him that I would never go out without my sword, +and that I would force him to fight whenever and wherever I should +meet him. I never came across him, but yesterday I was accosted by +the secretary of the inquisitors, who told me that I must forget the +baron's rude conduct, and go under the guidance of an officer whom he +pointed out to me, to imprison myself for a week in this fortress. I +shall thus have the pleasure of spending that time with you." + +I told him that I had been free for the last twenty-four hours, but +that to shew my gratitude for his friendly confidence I would feel +honoured if he would allow me to keep him company. As I had already +engaged myself with the major, this was only a polite falsehood. + +In the afternoon I happened to be with him on the tower of the fort, +and pointed out a gondola advancing towards the lower gate; he took +his spy-glass and told me that it was his wife and daughter coming to +see him. We went to meet the ladies, one of whom might once have +been worth the trouble of an elopement; the other, a young person +between fourteen and sixteen, struck me as a beauty of a new style. +Her hair was of a beautiful light auburn, her eyes were blue and very +fine, her nose a Roman, and her pretty mouth, half-open and laughing, +exposed a set of teeth as white as her complexion, although a +beautiful rosy tint somewhat veiled the whiteness of the last. Her +figure was so slight that it seemed out of nature, but her perfectly- +formed breast appeared an altar on which the god of love would have +delighted to breathe the sweetest incense. This splendid chest was, +however, not yet well furnished, but in my imagination I gave her all +the embonpoint which might have been desired, and I was so pleased +that I could not take my looks from her. I met her eyes, and her +laughing countenance seemed to say to me: "Only wait for two years, +at the utmost, and all that your imagination is now creating will +then exist in reality." + +She was elegantly dressed in the prevalent fashion, with large hoops, +and like the daughters of the nobility who have not yet attained the +age of puberty, although the young countess was marriageable. I had +never dared to stare so openly at the bosom of a young lady of +quality, but I thought there was no harm in fixing my eyes on a spot +where there was nothing yet but in expectation. + +The count, after having exchanged a few words in German with his +wife, presented me in the most flattering manner, and I was received +with great politeness. The major joined us, deeming it his duty to +escort the countess all over the fortress, and I improved the +excellent opportunity thrown in my way by the inferiority of my +position; I offered my arm to the young lady, and the count left us +to go to his room. + +I was still an adept in the old Venetian fashion of attending upon +ladies, and the young countess thought me rather awkward, though I +believed myself very fashionable when I placed my hand under her arm, +but she drew it back in high merriment. Her mother turned round to +enquire what she was laughing at, and I was terribly confused when I +heard her answer that I had tickled her. + +"This is the way to offer your arm to a lady," she said, and she +passed her hand through my arm, which I rounded in the most clumsy +manner, feeling it a very difficult task to resume a dignified +countenance. Thinking me a novice of the most innocent species, she +very likely determined to make sport of me. She began by remarking +that by rounding my arm as I had done I placed it too far from her +waist, and that I was consequently out of drawing. I told her I did +not know how to draw, and inquired whether it was one of her +accomplishments. + +"I am learning," she answered, "and when you call upon us I will shew +you Adam and Eve, after the Chevalier Liberi; I have made a copy +which has been found very fine by some professors, although they did +not know it was my work." + +"Why did you not tell them?" + +"Because those two figures are too naked." + +"I am not curious to see your Adam, but I will look at your Eve with +pleasure, and keep your secret." + +This answer made her laugh again, and again her mother turned round. +I put on the look of a simpleton, for, seeing the advantage I could +derive from her opinion of me, I had formed my plan at the very +moment she tried to teach me how to offer my arm to a lady. + +She was so convinced of my simplicity that she ventured to say that +she considered her Adam by far more beautiful than her Eve, because +in her drawing of the man she had omitted nothing, every muscle being +visible, while there was none conspicuous in Eve. "It is," she +added, "a figure with nothing in it." + +"Yet it is the one which I shall like best." + +"No; believe me, Adam will please you most." + +This conversation had greatly excited me. I had on a pair of linen +breeches, the weather being very warm.... I was afraid of the major +and the countess, who were a few yards in front of us, turning round +.... I was on thorns. To make matters worse, the young lady +stumbled, one of her shoes slipped off, and presenting me her pretty +foot she asked me to put the shoe right. I knelt on the ground, and, +very likely without thinking, she lifted up her skirt.... she had +very wide hoops and no petticoat.... what I saw was enough to strike +me dead on the spot.... When I rose, she asked if anything was the +matter with me. + +A moment after, coming out of one of the casemates, her head-dress +got slightly out of order, and she begged that I would remedy the +accident, but, having to bend her head down, the state in which I was +could no longer remain a secret for her. In order to avoid greater +confusion to both of us, she enquired who had made my watch ribbon; I +told her it was a present from my sister, and she desired to examine +it, but when I answered her that it was fastened to the fob-pocket, +and found that she disbelieved me, I added that she could see for +herself. She put her hand to it, and a natural but involuntary +excitement caused me to be very indiscreet. She must have felt +vexed, for she saw that she had made a mistake in her estimate of my +character; she became more timid, she would not laugh any more, and +we joined her mother and the major who was shewing her, in a sentry- +box, the body of Marshal de Schulenburg which had been deposited +there until the mausoleum erected for him was completed. As for +myself, I felt deeply ashamed. I thought myself the first man who +had alarmed her innocence, and I felt ready to do anything to atone +for the insult. + +Such was my delicacy of feeling in those days. I used to credit +people with exalted sentiments, which often existed only in my +imagination. I must confess that time has entirely destroyed that +delicacy; yet I do not believe myself worse than other men, my equals +in age and inexperience. + +We returned to the count's apartment, and the day passed off rather +gloomily. Towards evening the ladies went away, but the countess +gave me a pressing invitation to call upon them in Venice. + +The young lady, whom I thought I had insulted, had made such a deep +impression upon me that the seven following days seemed very long; +yet I was impatient to see her again only that I might entreat her +forgiveness, and convince her of my repentance. + +The following day the count was visited by his son; he was plain- +featured, but a thorough gentleman, and modest withal. Twenty-five +years afterwards I met him in Spain, a cadet in the king's body- +guard. He had served as a private twenty years before obtaining this +poor promotion. The reader will hear of him in good time; I will +only mention here that when I met him in Spain, he stood me out that +I had never known him; his self-love prompted this very contemptible +lie. + +Early on the eighth day the count left the fortress, and I took my +departure the same evening, having made an appointment at a coffee- +house in St. Mark's Square with the major who was to accompany me to +M. Grimani's house. I took leave of his wife, whose memory will +always be dear to me, and she said, "I thank you for your skill in +proving your alibi, but you have also to thank me for having +understood you so well. My husband never heard anything about it +until it was all over." + +As soon as I reached Venice, I went to pay a visit to Madame Orio, +where I was made welcome. I remained to supper, and my two charming +sweethearts who were praying for the death of the bishop, gave me the +most delightful hospitality for the night. + +At noon the next day I met the major according to our appointment, +and we called upon the Abbe Grimani. He received me with the air of +a guilty man begging for mercy, and I was astounded at his stupidity +when he entreated me to forgive Razetta and his companion. He told +me that the bishop was expected very soon, and that he had ordered a +room to be ready for me, and that I could take my meals with him. +Then he introduced me to M. Valavero, a man of talent, who had just +left the ministry of war, his term of office having lasted the usual +six months. I paid my duty to him, and we kept up a kind of +desultory conversation until the departure of the major. When he had +left us M. Valavero entreated me to confess that I had been the +guilty party in the attack upon Razetta. I candidly told him that +the thrashing had been my handiwork, and I gave him all the +particulars, which amused him immensely. He remarked that, as I had +perpetrated the affair before midnight, the fools had made a mistake +in their accusation; but that, after all, the mistake had not +materially helped me in proving the alibi, because my sprained ankle, +which everybody had supposed a real accident, would of itself have +been sufficient. + +But I trust that my kind reader has not forgotten that I had a very +heavy weight upon my conscience, of which I longed to get rid. I had +to see the goddess of my fancy, to obtain my pardon, or die at her +feet. + +I found the house without difficulty; the count was not at home. The +countess received me very kindly, but her appearance caused me so +great a surprise that I did not know what to say to her. I had +fancied that I was going to visit an angel, that I would find her in +a lovely paradise, and I found myself in a large sitting-room +furnished with four rickety chairs and a dirty old table. There was +hardly any light in the room because the shutters were nearly closed. +It might have been a precaution against the heat, but I judged that +it was more probably for the purpose of concealing the windows, the +glass of which was all broken. But this visible darkness did not +prevent me from remarking that the countess was wrapped up in an old +tattered gown, and that her chemise did not shine by its cleanliness. +Seeing that I was ill at ease, she left the room, saying that she +would send her daughter, who, a few minutes afterwards, came in with +an easy and noble appearance, and told me that she had expected me +with great impatience, but that I had surprised her at a time at +which she was not in the habit of receiving any visits. + +I did not know what to answer, for she did not seem to me to be the +same person. Her miserable dishabille made her look almost ugly, and +I wondered at the impression she had produced upon me at the +fortress. She saw my surprise, and partly guessed my thoughts, for +she put on a look, not of vexation, but of sorrow which called forth +all my pity. If she had been a philosopher she might have rightly +despised me as a man whose sympathy was enlisted only by her fine +dress, her nobility, or her apparent wealth; but she endeavoured to +bring me round by her sincerity. She felt that if she could call a +little sentiment into play, it would certainly plead in her favour. + +"I see that you are astonished, reverend sir, and I know the reason +of your surprise. You expected to see great splendour here, and you +find only misery. The government allows my father but a small +salary, and there are nine of us. As we must attend church on +Sundays and holidays in a style proper to our condition, we are often +compelled to go without our dinner, in order to get out of pledge the +clothes which urgent need too often obliges us to part with, and +which we pledge anew on the following day. If we did not attend +mass, the curate would strike our names off the list of those who +share the alms of the Confraternity of the Poor, and those alms alone +keep us afloat." + +What a sad tale! She had guessed rightly. I was touched, but rather +with shame than true emotion. I was not rich myself, and, as I was +no longer in love, I only heaved a deep sigh, and remained as cold as +ice. Nevertheless, her position was painful, and I answered +politely, speaking with kindness and assuring her of my sympathy. +"Were I wealthy," I said, "I would soon shew you that your tale of +woe has not fallen on unfeeling ears; but I am poor, and, being at +the eve of my departure from Venice, even my friendship would be +useless to you." Then, after some desultory talk, I expressed a hope +that her beauty would yet win happiness for her. She seemed to +consider for a few minutes, and said, "That may happen some day, +provided that the man who feels the power of my charms understands +that they can be bestowed only with my heart, and is willing to +render me the justice I deserve; I am only looking for a lawful +marriage, without dreaming of rank or fortune; I no longer believe in +the first, and I know how to live without the second; for I have been +accustomed to poverty, and even to abject need; but you cannot +realize that. Come and see my drawings." + +"You are very good, mademoiselle." + +Alas! I was not thinking of her drawings, and I could no longer feel +interested in her Eve, but I followed her. + +We came to a chamber in which I saw a table, a chair, a small toilet- +glass and a bed with the straw palliasse turned over, very likely for +the purpose of allowing the looker-on to suppose that there were +sheets underneath, but I was particularly disgusted by a certain +smell, the cause of which was recent; I was thunderstruck, and if I +had been still in love, this antidote would have been sufficiently +powerful to cure me instanter. I wished for nothing but to make my +escape, never to return, and I regretted that I could not throw on +the table a handful of ducats, which I should have considered the +price of my ransom. + +The poor girl shewed me. her drawings; they were fine, and I praised +them, without alluding particularly to Eve, and without venturing a +joke upon Adam. I asked her, for the sake of saying something, why +she did not try to render her talent remunerative by learning pastel +drawing. + +"I wish I could," she answered, "but the box of chalks alone costs +two sequins." + +"Will you forgive me if I am bold enough to offer you six?" + +"Alas! I accept them gratefully, and to be indebted to you for such +a service makes me truly happy." + +Unable to keep back her tears, she turned her head round to conceal +them from me, and I took that opportunity of laying the money on the +table, and out of politeness, wishing to spare her every unnecessary +humiliation, I saluted her lips with a kiss which she was at liberty +to consider a loving one, as I wanted her to ascribe my reserve to +the respect I felt for her. I then left her with a promise to call +another day to see her father. I never kept my promise. The reader +will see how I met her again after ten years. + +How many thoughts crowded upon my mind as I left that house! What a +lesson! I compared reality with the imagination, and I had to give +the preference to the last, as reality is always dependent on it. I +then began to forsee a truth which has been clearly proved to me in +my after life, namely, that love is only a feeling of curiosity more +or less intense, grafted upon the inclination placed in us by nature +that the species may be preserved. And truly, woman is like a book, +which, good or bad, must at first please us by the frontispiece. If +this is not interesting, we do not feel any wish to read the book, +and our wish is in direct proportion to the interest we feel. The +frontispiece of woman runs from top to bottom like that of a book, +and her feet, which are most important to every man who shares my +taste, offer the same interest as the edition of the work. If it is +true that most amateurs bestow little or no attention upon the feet +of a woman, it is likewise a fact that most readers care little or +nothing whether a book is of the first edition or the tenth. At all +events, women are quite right to take the greatest care of their +face, of their dress, of their general appearance; for it is only by +that part of the frontispiece that they can call forth a wish to read +them in those men who have not been endowed by nature with the +privilege of blindness. And just in the same manner that men, who +have read a great many books, are certain to feel at last a desire +for perusing new works even if they are bad, a man who has known many +women, and all handsome women, feels at last a curiosity for ugly +specimens when he meets with entirely new ones. It is all very well +for his eye to discover the paint which conceals the reality, but his +passion has become a vice, and suggests some argument in favour of +the lying frontispiece. It is possible, at least he thinks so, that +the work may prove better than the title-page, and the reality more +acceptable than the paint which hides it. He then tries to peruse +the book, but the leaves have not been opened; he meets with some +resistance, the living book must be read according to established +rules, and the book-worm falls a victim to a coquetry, the monster +which persecutes all those who make a business of love. As for thee, +intelligent man, who hast read the few preceding lines, let me tell +thee that, if they do not assist in opening thy eyes, thou art lost; +I mean that thou art certain of being a victim to the fair sex to the +very last moment of thy life. If my candour does not displease thee, +accept my congratulations. In the evening I called upon Madame Orio, +as I wanted to inform her charming nieces that, being an inmate of +Grimani's house, I could not sleep out for the first night. I found +there the faithful Rosa, who told me that the affair of the alibi was +in every mouth, and that, as such celebrity was evidently caused by +a very decided belief in the untruth of the alibi itself, I ought to +fear a retaliation of the same sort on the part of Razetta, and to +keep on my guard, particularly at night. I felt all the importance of +this advice, and I took care never to go out in the evening otherwise +than in a gondola, or accompanied by some friends. Madame Manzoni +told me that I was acting wisely, because, although the judges could +not do otherwise than acquit me, everybody knew the real truth of the +matter, and Razetta could not fail to be my deadly foe. + +Three or four days afterwards M. Grimani announced the arrival of +the bishop, who had put up at the convent of his order, at Saint- +Francois de Paul. He presented me himself to the prelate as a jewel +highly prized by himself, and as if he had been the only person +worthy of descanting upon its beauty. + +I saw a fine monk wearing his pectoral cross. He would have reminded +me of Father Mancia if he had not looked stouter and less reserved. +He was about thirty-four, and had been made a bishop by the grace of +God, the Holy See, and my mother. After pronouncing over me a +blessing, which I received kneeling, and giving me his hand to kiss, +he embraced me warmly, calling me his dear son in the Latin language, +in which he continued to address me. I thought that, being a +Calabrian, he might feel ashamed of his Italian, but he undeceived me +by speaking in that language to M. Grimani. He told me that, as he +could not take me with him from Venice, I should have to proceed to +Rome, where Grimani would take care to send me, and that I would +procure his address at Ancona from one of his friends, called Lazari, +a Minim monk, who would likewise supply me with the means of +continuing my journey. + +"When we meet in Rome," he added, "we can go together to Martorano by +way of Naples. Call upon me to-morrow morning, and have your +breakfast with me. I intend to leave the day after." + +As we were on our way back to his house, M. Grimani treated me to a +long lecture on morals, which nearly caused me to burst into loud +laughter. Amongst other things, he informed me that I ought not to +study too hard, because the air in Calabria was very heavy, and I +might become consumptive from too close application to my books. + +The next morning at day-break I went to the bishop. After saying his +mass, we took some chocolate, and for three hours he laid me under +examination. I saw clearly that he was not pleased with me, but I +was well enough pleased with him. He seemed to me a worthy man, and +as he was to lead me along the great highway of the Church, I felt +attracted towards him, for, at the time, although I entertained a +good opinion of my personal appearance, I had no confidence whatever +in my talents. + +After the departure of the good bishop, M. Grimani gave me a letter +left by him, which I was to deliver to Father Lazari, at the Convent +of the Minims, in Ancona. M. Grimani informed me that he would send +me to that city with the ambassador from Venice, who was on the point +of sailing. I had therefore to keep myself in readiness, and, as I +was anxious to be out of his hands, I approved all his arrangements. +As soon as I had notice of the day on which the suite of the +ambassador would embark, I went to pay my last farewell to all my +acquaintances. I left my brother Francois in the school of M. Joli, +a celebrated decorative painter. As the peotta in which I was to +sail would not leave before daybreak, I spent the short night in the +arms of the two sisters, who, this time, entertained no hope of ever +seeing me again. On my side I could not forsee what would happen, +for I was abandoning myself to fate, and I thought it would be +useless to think of the future. The night was therefore spent +between joy and sadness, between pleasures and tears. As I bade them +adieu, I returned the key which had opened so often for me the road +to happiness. + +This, my first love affair, did not give me any experience of the +world, for our intercourse was always a happy one, and was never +disturbed by any quarrel or stained by any interested motive. We +often felt, all three of us, as if we must raise our souls towards +the eternal Providence of God, to thank Him for having, by His +particular protection, kept from us all the accidents which might +have disturbed the sweet peace we were enjoying. + +I left in the hands of Madame Manzoni all my papers, and all the +forbidden books I possessed. The good woman, who was twenty years +older than I, and who, believing in an immutable destiny, took +pleasure in turning the leaves of the great book of fate, told me +that she was certain of restoring to me all I left with her, before +the end of the following year, at the latest. Her prediction caused +me both surprise and pleasure, and feeling deep reverence for her, I +thought myself bound to assist the realization of her foresight. +After all, if she predicted the future, it was not through +superstition, or in consequence of some vain foreboding which reason +must condemn, but through her knowledge of the world, and of the +nature of the person she was addressing. She used to laugh because +she never made a mistake. + +I embarked from St: Mark's landing. M. Grimani had given me ten +sequins, which he thought would keep me during my stay in the +lazzaretto of Ancona for the necessary quarantine, after which it was +not to be supposed that I could want any money. I shared Grimani's +certainty on the subject, and with my natural thoughtlessness I cared +nothing about it. Yet I must say that, unknown to everybody, I had +in my purse forty bright sequins, which powerfully contributed to +increase my cheerfulness, and I left Venice full of joy and without +one regret. + + + + + +End of this Project Gutenberg Etext of MEMOIRES OF JACQUES CASANOVA +VENETION YEARS, Vol. 1a, CHILDHOOD by Jacques Casanova de Seingalt + diff --git a/old/jccld11.zip b/old/jccld11.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2be3539 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/jccld11.zip |