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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/29504-h.zip b/29504-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..ea1883b --- /dev/null +++ b/29504-h.zip diff --git a/29504-h/29504-h.htm b/29504-h/29504-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d76986d --- /dev/null +++ b/29504-h/29504-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,915 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of What's He Doing in There?, by Fritz Leiber + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p {margin-top: .75em; text-align: justify; margin-bottom: .75em;} + h1,h2 {text-align: left; clear: both;} + hr {width: 45%; margin: 1em auto; visibility: hidden;} + body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .rgt {text-align: right;} + .figleft {float: left; clear: left; margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; padding: 0; width: 344px;} + img {border: none;} + a:link,a:visited {text-decoration: none;} + p.cap:first-letter {float: left; margin-right: .05em; padding-top: .05em; font-size: 300%; line-height: .8em; width: auto;} + .dcap {text-transform: uppercase;} + .figt {float: left; clear: left; margin: 15px; padding: 0; width: 148px;} + .trn {border: solid 1px; margin: 3em 15%; min-height: 230px;} + .trn p {margin: 15px;} + .bk1 {margin: 0 auto 4em; width: 20em;} + .bk1 p {margin-top: 2em;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +Project Gutenberg's What's He Doing in There?, by Fritz Reuter Leiber + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: What's He Doing in There? + +Author: Fritz Reuter Leiber + +Illustrator: Bowman + +Release Date: July 24, 2009 [EBook #29504] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHAT'S HE DOING IN THERE? *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<h1><i>WHAT'S HE DOING IN THERE?</i></h1> + +<div class="bk1"><h2><small>By FRITZ LEIBER</small></h2> + +<p><big><b><i>He went where no Martian ever +went before—but would he come +out—or had he gone for good?</i></b></big></p> + +<p class="rgt"><big><b>Illustrated By BOWMAN</b></big></p></div> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">The</span> Professor was congratulating +Earth's first visitor +from another planet on +his wisdom in getting in touch with +a cultural anthropologist before +contacting any other scientists (or +governments, God forbid!), and in +learning English from radio and +TV before landing from his orbit-parked +rocket, when the Martian +stood up and said hesitantly, "Excuse +me, please, but where is it?"</p> + +<p>That baffled the Professor and +the Martian seemed to grow +anxious—at least his long mouth +curved upward, and he had earlier +explained that it curling downward +was his smile—and he repeated, +"Please, where is it?"</p> + +<p>He was surprisingly humanoid +in most respects, but his complexion +was textured so like the +rich dark armchair he'd just been +occupying that the Professor's pin-striped +gray suit, which he had +eagerly consented to wear, seemed +an arbitrary interruption between +him and the chair—a sort of +Mother Hubbard dress on a phantom +conjured from its leather.</p> + +<p>The Professor's Wife, always a +perceptive hostess, came to her +husband's rescue by saying with +equal rapidity, "Top of the stairs, +end of the hall, last door."</p> + +<p>The Martian's mouth curled +happily downward and he said, +"Thank you very much," and was +off.</p> + +<p>Comprehension burst on the +Professor. He caught up with his +guest at the foot of the stairs.</p> + +<p>"Here, I'll show you the way," +he said.</p> + +<p>"No, I can find it myself, thank +you," the Martian assured him.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">Something</span> rather final in +the Martian's tone made the +Professor desist, and after watching +his visitor sway up the stairs +with an almost hypnotic softly +jogging movement, he rejoined his +wife in the study, saying wonderingly, +"Who'd have thought it, by +George! Function taboos as strict +as our own!"</p> + +<p>"I'm glad some of your professional +visitors maintain 'em," his +wife said darkly.</p> + +<p>"But this one's from Mars, darling, +and to find out he's—well, +similar in an aspect of his life is +as thrilling as the discovery that +water is burned hydrogen. When +I think of the day not far distant +when I'll put his entries in the +cross-cultural index ..."</p> + +<p>He was still rhapsodizing when +the Professor's Little Son raced in.</p> + +<p>"Pop, the Martian's gone to the +bathroom!"</p> + +<p>"Hush, dear. Manners."</p> + +<p>"Now it's perfectly natural, darling, +that the boy should notice +and be excited. Yes, Son, the Martian's +not so very different from +us."</p> + +<p>"Oh, certainly," the Professor's +Wife said with a trace of bitterness. +"I don't imagine his turquoise +complexion will cause any comment +at all when you bring him to +a faculty reception. They'll just +figure he's had a hard night—and +that he got that baby-elephant +nose sniffing around for assistant +professorships."</p> + +<p>"Really, darling! He probably +thinks of our noses as disagreeably +amputated and paralyzed."</p> + +<p>"Well, anyway, Pop, he's in the +bathroom. I followed him when he +squiggled upstairs."</p> + +<p>"Now, Son, you shouldn't have +done that. He's on a strange planet +and it might make him nervous if +he thought he was being spied on. +We must show him every courtesy. +By George, I can't wait to discuss +these things with Ackerly-Ramsbottom! +When I think of how +much more this encounter has to +give the anthropologist than even +the physicist or astronomer ..."</p> + +<div class="figleft"><img src="images/001.png" width="344" height="500" alt="" title="" /></div> + +<p>He was still going strong on his +second rhapsody when he was interrupted +by another high-speed +entrance. It was the Professor's +Coltish Daughter.</p> + +<p>"Mom, Pop, the Martian's—"</p> + +<p>"Hush, dear. We know."</p> + +<p>The Professor's Coltish Daughter +regained her adolescent poise, +which was considerable. "Well, he's +still in there," she said. "I just +tried the door and it was locked."</p> + +<p>"I'm glad it was!" the Professor +said while his wife added, "Yes, +you can't be sure what—" and +caught herself. "Really, dear, that +was very bad manners."</p> + +<p>"I thought he'd come downstairs +long ago," her daughter explained. +"He's been in there an awfully +long time. It must have been a +half hour ago that I saw him gyre +and gimbal upstairs in that real +gone way he has, with Nosy here +following him." The Professor's +Coltish Daughter was currently +soaking up both jive and <i>Alice</i>.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">When</span> the Professor checked +his wristwatch, his expression +grew troubled. "By George, he is +taking his time! Though, of course, +we don't know how much time +Martians ... I wonder."</p> + +<p>"I listened for a while, Pop," +his son volunteered. "He was running +the water a lot."</p> + +<p>"Running the water, eh? We +know Mars is a water-starved +planet. I suppose that in the presence +of unlimited water, he might +be seized by a kind of madness +and ... But he seemed so well +adjusted."</p> + +<p>Then his wife spoke, voicing all +their thoughts. Her outlook on life +gave her a naturally sepulchral +voice.</p> + +<p>"<i>What's he doing in there?</i>"</p> + +<p>Twenty minutes and at least as +many fantastic suggestions later, +the Professor glanced again at his +watch and nerved himself for action. +Motioning his family aside, +he mounted the stairs and tiptoed +down the hall.</p> + +<p>He paused only once to shake +his head and mutter under his +breath, "By George, I wish I had +Fenchurch or von Gottschalk here. +They're a shade better than I am +on intercultural contracts, especially +taboo-breakings and affronts ..."</p> + +<p>His family followed him at a +short distance.</p> + +<p>The Professor stopped in front +of the bathroom door. Everything +was quiet as death.</p> + +<p>He listened for a minute and +then rapped measuredly, steadying +his hand by clutching its wrist with +the other. There was a faint splashing, +but no other sound.</p> + +<p>Another minute passed. The +Professor rapped again. Now there +was no response at all. He very +gingerly tried the knob. The door +was still locked.</p> + +<p>When they had retreated to the +stairs, it was the Professor's Wife +who once more voiced their +thoughts. This time her voice carried +overtones of supernatural horror.</p> + +<p>"<i>What's he doing in there?</i>"</p> + +<p>"He may be dead or dying," the +Professor's Coltish Daughter suggested +briskly. "Maybe we ought +to call the Fire Department, like +they did for old Mrs. Frisbee."</p> + +<p>The Professor winced. "I'm +afraid you haven't visualized the +complications, dear," he said gently. +"No one but ourselves knows +that the Martian is on Earth, or +has even the slightest inkling that +interplanetary travel has been +achieved. Whatever we do, it will +have to be on our own. But to +break in on a creature engaged in—well, +we don't know what primal +private activity—is against all anthropological +practice. Still—"</p> + +<p>"Dying's a primal activity," his +daughter said crisply.</p> + +<p>"So's ritual bathing before mass +murder," his wife added.</p> + +<p>"Please! Still, as I was about to +say, we do have the moral duty to +succor him if, as you all too reasonably +suggest, he has been incapacitated +by a germ or virus or, +more likely, by some simple environmental +factor such as Earth's +greater gravity."</p> + +<p>"Tell you what, Pop—I can look +in the bathroom window and see +what he's doing. All I have to do +is crawl out my bedroom window +and along the gutter a little ways. +It's safe as houses."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">The</span> Professor's question beginning +with, "Son, how do you +know—" died unuttered and he refused +to notice the words his +daughter was voicing silently at +her brother. He glanced at his +wife's sardonically composed face, +thought once more of the Fire Department +and of other and larger +and even more jealous—or would +it be skeptical?—government agencies, +and clutched at the straw offered +him.</p> + +<p>Ten minutes later, he was quite +unnecessarily assisting his son back +through the bedroom window.</p> + +<p>"Gee, Pop, I couldn't see a sign +of him. That's why I took so long. +Hey, Pop, don't look so scared. +He's in there, sure enough. It's +just that the bathtub's under the +window and you have to get real +close up to see into it."</p> + +<p>"The Martian's taking a bath?"</p> + +<p>"Yep. Got it full up and just +the end of his little old schnozzle +sticking out. Your suit, Pop, was +hanging on the door."</p> + +<p>The one word the Professor's +Wife spoke was like a death knell.</p> + +<p>"<i>Drowned!</i>"</p> + +<p>"No, Ma, I don't think so. His +schnozzle was opening and closing +regular like."</p> + +<p>"Maybe he's a shape-changer," +the Professor's Coltish Daughter +said in a burst of evil fantasy. +"Maybe he softens in water and +thins out after a while until he's +like an eel and then he'll go exploring +through the sewer pipes. +Wouldn't it be funny if he went +under the street and knocked on +the stopper from underneath and +crawled into the bathtub with +President Rexford, or Mrs. President +Rexford, or maybe right into +the middle of one of Janey +Rexford's Oh-I'm-so-sexy bubble +baths?"</p> + +<p>"Please!" The Professor put his +hand to his eyebrows and kept +it there, cuddling the elbow in his +other hand.</p> + +<p>"Well, have you thought of +something?" the Professor's Wife +asked him after a bit. "What are +you going to do?"</p> + +<p>The Professor dropped his hand +and blinked his eyes hard and +took a deep breath.</p> + +<p>"Telegraph Fenchurch and Ackerly-Ramsbottom +and then break +in," he said in a resigned voice, +into which, nevertheless, a note of +hope seemed also to have come. +"First, however, I'm going to wait +until morning."</p> + +<p>And he sat down cross-legged in +the hall a few yards from the bathroom +door and folded his arms.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">So</span> the long vigil commenced.</p> + +<p>The Professor's family shared +it and he offered no objection. +Other and sterner men, he told +himself, might claim to be able +successfully to order their children +to go to bed when there was a +Martian locked in the bathroom, +but he would like to see them +faced with the situation.</p> + +<p>Finally dawn began to seep +from the bedrooms. When the bulb +in the hall had grown quite dim, +the Professor unfolded his arms.</p> + +<p>Just then, there was a loud +splashing in the bathroom. The +Professor's family looked toward +the door. The splashing stopped +and they heard the Martian moving +around. Then the door opened +and the Martian appeared in the +Professor's gray pin-stripe suit. His +mouth curled sharply downward +in a broad alien smile as he saw +the Professor.</p> + +<p>"Good morning!" the Martian +said happily. "I never slept better +in my life, even in my own little +wet bed back on Mars."</p> + +<p>He looked around more closely +and his mouth straightened. "But +where did you all sleep?" he asked. +"Don't tell me you stayed dry all +night! You <i>didn't</i> give up your +only bed to me?"</p> + +<p>His mouth curled upward in +misery. "Oh, dear," he said, "I'm +afraid I've made a mistake somehow. +Yet I don't understand how. +Before I studied you, I didn't +know what your sleeping habits +would be, but that question was +answered for me—in fact, it looked +so reassuringly homelike—when I +saw those brief TV scenes of your +females ready for sleep in their +little tubs. Of course, on Mars, +only the fortunate can always be +sure of sleeping wet, but here, +with your abundance of water, I +thought there would be wet beds +for all."</p> + +<p>He paused. "It's true I had some +doubts last night, wondering if I'd +used the right words and all, but +then when you rapped 'Good night' +to me, I splashed the sentiment +back at you and went to sleep in +a wink. But I'm afraid that somewhere +I've blundered and—"</p> + +<p>"No, no, dear chap," the Professor +managed to say. He had been +waving his hand in a gentle circle +for some time in token that he +wanted to interrupt. "Everything +is quite all right. It's true we +stayed up all night, but please +consider that as a watch—an honor +guard, by George!—which we kept +to indicate our esteem."</p> + +<p class="rgt"><b>—FRITZ LEIBER</b></p> + +<div class="trn"><div class="figt"><a href="images/002-2.jpg"><img src="images/002-1.jpg" width="148" height="200" alt="" title="" /></a></div> + +<p><big><b>Transcriber's Note:</b></big></p> + +<p>This etext was produced from <i>Galaxy Science Fiction</i> December 1957. +Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. +copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and +typographical errors have been corrected without note.</p></div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's What's He Doing in There?, by Fritz Reuter Leiber + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHAT'S HE DOING IN THERE? *** + +***** This file should be named 29504-h.htm or 29504-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/5/0/29504/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: What's He Doing in There? + +Author: Fritz Reuter Leiber + +Illustrator: Bowman + +Release Date: July 24, 2009 [EBook #29504] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHAT'S HE DOING IN THERE? *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +_WHAT'S HE DOING IN THERE?_ + +By FRITZ LEIBER + + + _He went where no Martian ever + went before--but would he come + out--or had he gone for good?_ + + +Illustrated By BOWMAN + + +The Professor was congratulating Earth's first visitor from another +planet on his wisdom in getting in touch with a cultural anthropologist +before contacting any other scientists (or governments, God forbid!), +and in learning English from radio and TV before landing from his +orbit-parked rocket, when the Martian stood up and said hesitantly, +"Excuse me, please, but where is it?" + +That baffled the Professor and the Martian seemed to grow anxious--at +least his long mouth curved upward, and he had earlier explained that it +curling downward was his smile--and he repeated, "Please, where is it?" + +He was surprisingly humanoid in most respects, but his complexion was +textured so like the rich dark armchair he'd just been occupying that +the Professor's pin-striped gray suit, which he had eagerly consented +to wear, seemed an arbitrary interruption between him and the chair--a +sort of Mother Hubbard dress on a phantom conjured from its leather. + +The Professor's Wife, always a perceptive hostess, came to her husband's +rescue by saying with equal rapidity, "Top of the stairs, end of the +hall, last door." + +The Martian's mouth curled happily downward and he said, "Thank you very +much," and was off. + +Comprehension burst on the Professor. He caught up with his guest at the +foot of the stairs. + +"Here, I'll show you the way," he said. + +"No, I can find it myself, thank you," the Martian assured him. + + * * * * * + +Something rather final in the Martian's tone made the Professor desist, +and after watching his visitor sway up the stairs with an almost +hypnotic softly jogging movement, he rejoined his wife in the study, +saying wonderingly, "Who'd have thought it, by George! Function taboos +as strict as our own!" + +"I'm glad some of your professional visitors maintain 'em," his wife +said darkly. + +"But this one's from Mars, darling, and to find out he's--well, similar +in an aspect of his life is as thrilling as the discovery that water is +burned hydrogen. When I think of the day not far distant when I'll put +his entries in the cross-cultural index ..." + +He was still rhapsodizing when the Professor's Little Son raced in. + +"Pop, the Martian's gone to the bathroom!" + +"Hush, dear. Manners." + +"Now it's perfectly natural, darling, that the boy should notice and be +excited. Yes, Son, the Martian's not so very different from us." + +"Oh, certainly," the Professor's Wife said with a trace of bitterness. +"I don't imagine his turquoise complexion will cause any comment at all +when you bring him to a faculty reception. They'll just figure he's had +a hard night--and that he got that baby-elephant nose sniffing around +for assistant professorships." + +"Really, darling! He probably thinks of our noses as disagreeably +amputated and paralyzed." + +"Well, anyway, Pop, he's in the bathroom. I followed him when he +squiggled upstairs." + +"Now, Son, you shouldn't have done that. He's on a strange planet and it +might make him nervous if he thought he was being spied on. We must show +him every courtesy. By George, I can't wait to discuss these things with +Ackerly-Ramsbottom! When I think of how much more this encounter has to +give the anthropologist than even the physicist or astronomer ..." + +[Illustration] + +He was still going strong on his second rhapsody when he was interrupted +by another high-speed entrance. It was the Professor's Coltish Daughter. + +"Mom, Pop, the Martian's--" + +"Hush, dear. We know." + +The Professor's Coltish Daughter regained her adolescent poise, which +was considerable. "Well, he's still in there," she said. "I just tried +the door and it was locked." + +"I'm glad it was!" the Professor said while his wife added, "Yes, you +can't be sure what--" and caught herself. "Really, dear, that was very +bad manners." + +"I thought he'd come downstairs long ago," her daughter explained. "He's +been in there an awfully long time. It must have been a half hour ago +that I saw him gyre and gimbal upstairs in that real gone way he has, +with Nosy here following him." The Professor's Coltish Daughter was +currently soaking up both jive and _Alice_. + + * * * * * + +When the Professor checked his wristwatch, his expression grew troubled. +"By George, he is taking his time! Though, of course, we don't know how +much time Martians ... I wonder." + +"I listened for a while, Pop," his son volunteered. "He was running the +water a lot." + +"Running the water, eh? We know Mars is a water-starved planet. I +suppose that in the presence of unlimited water, he might be seized by a +kind of madness and ... But he seemed so well adjusted." + +Then his wife spoke, voicing all their thoughts. Her outlook on life +gave her a naturally sepulchral voice. + +"_What's he doing in there?_" + +Twenty minutes and at least as many fantastic suggestions later, the +Professor glanced again at his watch and nerved himself for action. +Motioning his family aside, he mounted the stairs and tiptoed down the +hall. + +He paused only once to shake his head and mutter under his breath, "By +George, I wish I had Fenchurch or von Gottschalk here. They're a shade +better than I am on intercultural contracts, especially taboo-breakings +and affronts ..." + +His family followed him at a short distance. + +The Professor stopped in front of the bathroom door. Everything was +quiet as death. + +He listened for a minute and then rapped measuredly, steadying his hand +by clutching its wrist with the other. There was a faint splashing, but +no other sound. + +Another minute passed. The Professor rapped again. Now there was no +response at all. He very gingerly tried the knob. The door was still +locked. + +When they had retreated to the stairs, it was the Professor's Wife who +once more voiced their thoughts. This time her voice carried overtones +of supernatural horror. + +"_What's he doing in there?_" + +"He may be dead or dying," the Professor's Coltish Daughter suggested +briskly. "Maybe we ought to call the Fire Department, like they did for +old Mrs. Frisbee." + +The Professor winced. "I'm afraid you haven't visualized the +complications, dear," he said gently. "No one but ourselves knows that +the Martian is on Earth, or has even the slightest inkling that +interplanetary travel has been achieved. Whatever we do, it will have to +be on our own. But to break in on a creature engaged in--well, we don't +know what primal private activity--is against all anthropological +practice. Still--" + +"Dying's a primal activity," his daughter said crisply. + +"So's ritual bathing before mass murder," his wife added. + +"Please! Still, as I was about to say, we do have the moral duty to +succor him if, as you all too reasonably suggest, he has been +incapacitated by a germ or virus or, more likely, by some simple +environmental factor such as Earth's greater gravity." + +"Tell you what, Pop--I can look in the bathroom window and see what he's +doing. All I have to do is crawl out my bedroom window and along the +gutter a little ways. It's safe as houses." + + * * * * * + +The Professor's question beginning with, "Son, how do you know--" died +unuttered and he refused to notice the words his daughter was voicing +silently at her brother. He glanced at his wife's sardonically composed +face, thought once more of the Fire Department and of other and larger +and even more jealous--or would it be skeptical?--government agencies, +and clutched at the straw offered him. + +Ten minutes later, he was quite unnecessarily assisting his son back +through the bedroom window. + +"Gee, Pop, I couldn't see a sign of him. That's why I took so long. Hey, +Pop, don't look so scared. He's in there, sure enough. It's just that +the bathtub's under the window and you have to get real close up to see +into it." + +"The Martian's taking a bath?" + +"Yep. Got it full up and just the end of his little old schnozzle +sticking out. Your suit, Pop, was hanging on the door." + +The one word the Professor's Wife spoke was like a death knell. + +"_Drowned!_" + +"No, Ma, I don't think so. His schnozzle was opening and closing regular +like." + +"Maybe he's a shape-changer," the Professor's Coltish Daughter said in a +burst of evil fantasy. "Maybe he softens in water and thins out after a +while until he's like an eel and then he'll go exploring through the +sewer pipes. Wouldn't it be funny if he went under the street and +knocked on the stopper from underneath and crawled into the bathtub with +President Rexford, or Mrs. President Rexford, or maybe right into the +middle of one of Janey Rexford's Oh-I'm-so-sexy bubble baths?" + +"Please!" The Professor put his hand to his eyebrows and kept it there, +cuddling the elbow in his other hand. + +"Well, have you thought of something?" the Professor's Wife asked him +after a bit. "What are you going to do?" + +The Professor dropped his hand and blinked his eyes hard and took a deep +breath. + +"Telegraph Fenchurch and Ackerly-Ramsbottom and then break in," he said +in a resigned voice, into which, nevertheless, a note of hope seemed +also to have come. "First, however, I'm going to wait until morning." + +And he sat down cross-legged in the hall a few yards from the bathroom +door and folded his arms. + + * * * * * + +So the long vigil commenced. + +The Professor's family shared it and he offered no objection. Other and +sterner men, he told himself, might claim to be able successfully to +order their children to go to bed when there was a Martian locked in the +bathroom, but he would like to see them faced with the situation. + +Finally dawn began to seep from the bedrooms. When the bulb in the hall +had grown quite dim, the Professor unfolded his arms. + +Just then, there was a loud splashing in the bathroom. The Professor's +family looked toward the door. The splashing stopped and they heard the +Martian moving around. Then the door opened and the Martian appeared in +the Professor's gray pin-stripe suit. His mouth curled sharply downward +in a broad alien smile as he saw the Professor. + +"Good morning!" the Martian said happily. "I never slept better in my +life, even in my own little wet bed back on Mars." + +He looked around more closely and his mouth straightened. "But where did +you all sleep?" he asked. "Don't tell me you stayed dry all night! You +_didn't_ give up your only bed to me?" + +His mouth curled upward in misery. "Oh, dear," he said, "I'm afraid I've +made a mistake somehow. Yet I don't understand how. Before I studied +you, I didn't know what your sleeping habits would be, but that question +was answered for me--in fact, it looked so reassuringly homelike--when I +saw those brief TV scenes of your females ready for sleep in their +little tubs. Of course, on Mars, only the fortunate can always be sure +of sleeping wet, but here, with your abundance of water, I thought there +would be wet beds for all." + +He paused. "It's true I had some doubts last night, wondering if I'd +used the right words and all, but then when you rapped 'Good night' to +me, I splashed the sentiment back at you and went to sleep in a wink. +But I'm afraid that somewhere I've blundered and--" + +"No, no, dear chap," the Professor managed to say. He had been waving +his hand in a gentle circle for some time in token that he wanted to +interrupt. "Everything is quite all right. It's true we stayed up all +night, but please consider that as a watch--an honor guard, by +George!--which we kept to indicate our esteem." + + --FRITZ LEIBER + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + This etext was produced from _Galaxy Science Fiction_ December 1957. + Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. + copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and + typographical errors have been corrected without note. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's What's He Doing in There?, by Fritz Reuter Leiber + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHAT'S HE DOING IN THERE? *** + +***** This file should be named 29504.txt or 29504.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/5/0/29504/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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