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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of a Caricaturist, Vol. 1
+(of 2), by Harry Furniss
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Confessions of a Caricaturist, Vol. 1 (of 2)
+
+Author: Harry Furniss
+
+Release Date: July 16, 2009 [EBook #29425]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CONFESSIONS OF A CARICATURIST ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Marius Borror and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: MY CARICATURE OF MR. GLADSTONE.]
+
+
+                             THE
+
+                CONFESSIONS OF A CARICATURIST
+
+                             BY
+
+                        HARRY FURNISS
+
+                        _ILLUSTRATED_
+
+
+                          VOLUME I
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+NEW YORK AND LONDON:
+
+HARPER & BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS.
+
+1902.
+
+
+
+
+BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO. LD., PRINTERS
+
+LONDON AND TONBRIDGE.
+
+[_All rights reserved._]
+
+December, 1901.
+
+
+
+
+                               PREFACE.
+
+
+If, in these volumes, I have made some joke at a friend's expense, let
+that friend take it in the spirit intended, and--I apologise beforehand.
+
+In America apology in journalism is unknown. The exception is the
+well-known story of the man whose death was published in the obituary
+column. He rushed into the office of the paper and cried out to the
+editor:
+
+"Look here, sur, what do you mean by this? You have published two
+columns and a half of my obituary, and here I am as large as life!"
+
+The editor looked up and coolly said, "Sur, I am vury sorry, I reckon
+there is a mistake some place, but it kean't be helped. You are killed
+by the _Jersey Eagle_, you are to the world buried. We nevur correct
+anything, and we nevur apologise in Amurrican papers."
+
+"That won't do for me, sur. My wife's in tears; my friends are laughing
+at me; my business will be ruined,--you _must_ apologise."
+
+"No, si--ree, an Amurrican editor nevur apologises."
+
+"Well, sur, I'll take the law on you right away. I'm off to my
+attorney."
+
+"Wait one minute, sur--just one minute. You are a re-nowned and popular
+citizen: the _Jersey Eagle_ has killed you--for that I am vury, vury
+sorry, and to show you my respect I will to-morrow find room for you--in
+the births column."
+
+Now do not let any editor imagine these pages are my professional
+obituary,--my autobiography. If by mistake he does, then let him place
+me immediately in their births column. I am in my forties, and there is
+quite time for me to prepare and publish two more volumes of my
+"Confessions" from my first to my second birth, and many other things,
+before I am fifty.
+
+[Illustration: Faithfully yours
+                         Harry Furniss]
+
+LONDON, 1901.
+
+     [The Author begs to acknowledge his indebtedness to the Proprietors
+     and the Editor of _Punch_, the Proprietors of the _Magazine of Art_,
+     the _Graphic_, the _Illustrated London News_, _English Illustrated
+     Magazine_, _Cornhill Magazine_, _Harper's Magazine_, _Westminster
+     Gazette_, _St. James' Gazette_, the _British Weekly_ and the _Sporting
+     Times_ for their kindness in allowing him to reproduce extracts and
+     pictures in these volumes.]
+
+
+
+
+                                 CONTENTS.
+
+
+  CHAPTER I.
+
+  CONFESSIONS OF MY CHILDHOOD--AND AFTER.
+
+  Introductory--Birth and Parentage--The Cause of my remaining a
+   Caricaturist--The Schoolboys' _Punch_--Infant Prodigies--As a
+   Student--I Start in Life--_Zozimus_--The Sullivan
+   Brothers--Pigott--The Forger--The Irish "Pathriot"--Wood
+   Engraving--Tom Taylor--The Wild West--Judy--Behind the
+   Scenes--Titiens--My First and Last Appearance in a Play--My Journey to
+   London--My Companion--A Coincidence                     _pp._ 1-29
+
+
+  CHAPTER II.
+
+  BOHEMIAN CONFESSIONS.
+
+  I arrive in London--A Rogue and Vagabond--Two Ladies--Letters of
+   Introduction--Bohemia--A Distinguished Member--My Double--A Rara
+   Avis--The Duke of Broadacres--The Savages--A Souvenir--Portraits of
+   the Past--J. L. Toole--Art and Artists--Sir Spencer Wells--John
+   Pettie--Milton's Garden                                 _pp._ 30-53
+
+
+  CHAPTER III.
+
+  MY CONFESSIONS AS A SPECIAL ARTIST.
+
+  The Light Brigade--Miss Thompson (Lady Butler)--Slumming--The Boat
+   Race--Realism--A Phantasmagoria--Orlando and the Caitiff--Fancy Dress
+   Balls--Lewis Wingfield--Cinderella--A Model--All Night Sitting--An
+   Impromptu Easel--"Where there's a Will there's a Way"--The American
+   Sunday Papers--I am Deaf--The Grill--The World's
+   Fair--Exaggeration--Personally Conducted--The Charnel House--10,
+   Downing Street--I attend a Cabinet Council--An Illustration by Mr.
+   Labouchere--The Great Lincolnshire Trial--Praying without Prejudice
+                                                           _pp._ 54-87
+
+  CHAPTER IV.
+
+  THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ILLUSTRATOR--A SERIOUS CHAPTER.
+
+  Drawing--"Hieroglyphics"--Clerical Portraiture--A Commission from
+   General Booth--In Search of Truth--Sir Walter Besant--James Payn--Why
+   Theodore Hook was Melancholy--"Off with his Head"--Reformers'
+   Tree--Happy Thoughts--Christmas Story--Lewis Carroll--The Rev. Charles
+   Lutwidge Dodgson--Sir John Tenniel--The Challenge--Seven Years'
+   Labour--A Puzzle MS.--Dodgson on Dress--Carroll on Drawing--Sylvie and
+   Bruno--A Composite Picture--My Real Models--I am very Eccentric--My
+   "Romps"--A Letter from du Maurier--Caldecott--Tableaux--Fine
+   Feathers--Models--Fred Barnard--The Haystack--A Wicket Keeper--A Fair
+   Sitter--Neighbours--The Post Office Jumble--Puzzling the
+   Postmen--Writing Backwards--A Coincidence               _pp._ 88-130
+
+
+  CHAPTER V.
+
+  A CHAT BETWEEN MY PEN AND PENCIL.
+
+  What is Caricature?--Interviewing--Catching
+   Caricatures--Pellegrini--The "Ha! Ha!"--Black and White _v._
+   Paint--How to make a Caricature--M.P.'s--My System--Mr. Labouchere's
+   Attitude--Do the Subjects Object?--Colour in Caricature--Caught!--A
+   Pocket Caricature--The Danger of the Shirt-cuff--The Danger of a
+   Marble Table--Quick Change--Advice to those about to Caricature
+                                                           _pp._ 131--153
+
+
+  CHAPTER VI.
+
+  PARLIAMENTARY CONFESSIONS.
+
+  Gladstone and Disraeli--A Contrast--An unauthenticated Incident--Lord
+   Beaconsfield's last Visit to the House of Commons--My Serious
+   Sketch--Historical--Mr. Gladstone--His Portraits--What he thought of
+   the Artists--Sir J. E. Millais--Frank Holl--The Despatch
+   Boxes--Impressions--Disraeli--Dan O'Connell--Procedure--American
+   Wit--Toys--Wine--Pressure--Sandwich Soirée--The G.O.M. dines with
+   "Toby, M.P."--Walking--Quivering--My Desk--An Interview--Political
+   Caricaturists--Signature in Sycamore--Scenes in the Commons--Joseph
+   Gillis Biggar--My Double--Scenes--Divisions--Puck--Sir R.
+   Temple--Charles Stewart Parnell--A Study--Quick Changes--His
+   Fall--Room 15--The last Time I saw him--Lord Randolph Churchill--His
+   Youth--His Height--His Fickleness--His Hair--His Health--His
+   Fall--Lord Iddesleigh--Sir Stafford and Mr. Gladstone--Bradlaugh--His
+   Youth--His Parents--His Tactics--His Fight--His Extinction--John
+   Bright--Jacob Bright--Sir Isaac Holden--Lord Derby--A Political
+   Prophecy--A Lucky Guess--My Confession in the _Times_--The Joke that
+   Failed--The Seer--Fair Play--I deny being a Conservative--I am
+   Encouraged--Chaff--Reprimanded--Misprinted--Misunderstood
+                                                           _pp._ 154--214
+
+
+  CHAPTER VII.
+
+  "PUNCH."
+
+  Two _Punch_ Editors--_Punch's_ Hump--My First _Punch_ Dinner--Charles
+   Keene--"Robert"--W. H. Bradbury--du Maurier--"Kiki"--A Trip to the
+   Place of his Birth--He Hates Me--A Practical Joke--du Maurier's
+   Strange Model--No Sportsman--Tea--Appollinaris--My First
+   Contribution--My Record--Parliament--Press Gallery Official--I Feel
+   Small--The "Black Beetle"--Professor Rogers--Sergeant-at-Arms'
+   Room--Styles of Work--Privileges--Dr. Percy--I Sit in the Table--The
+   Villain of Art--The New Cabinet--Criticism--_Punch's_ Historical
+   Cartoons--Darwen MacNeill--Scenes in the Lobby--A Technical
+   Assault--John Burns's "Invention"--John Burns's Promise--John Burns's
+   Insult--The Lay of Swift MacNeill--The Truth--Sir Frank
+   Lockwood--"Grand Cross"--Lockwood's Little Sketch--Lockwood's Little
+   Joke in the House--Lockwood's Little Joke at Dinner--Lewis Carroll and
+   _Punch_--Gladstone's Head--Sir William's
+   Portrait--Ciphers--Reversion--_Punch_ at Play--Three _Punch_ Men in a
+   Boat--Squaring up--Two Pins Club--Its One Joke--Its One Horse--Its
+   Mystery--Artistic Duties--Lord Russell--Furious Riding--Before the
+   Beak--Burnand and I in the Saddle--Caricaturing Pictures for
+   _Punch_--Art under Glass--Arthur Cecil--My Other Eye--The Ridicule
+   that Kills--Red Tape--_Punch_ in Prison--I make a Mess of
+   it--Waterproof--"I used your Soap two years ago"--Charles
+   Keene--Charles Barber--_Punch's_ Advice--_Punch's_ Wives
+                                                           _pp._ 215--302
+
+[Illustration: HARRY FURNISS'S (EGYPTIAN STYLE). _From "Punch."_]
+
+
+
+
+                         LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.
+
+
+                                                                    PAGE
+  My Caricature of Mr. Gladstone                           _Frontispiece_
+
+  Initial "In." Writing my Confessions. A Visitor's Snapshot           1
+
+  My Mother                                                            3
+
+  My Father                                                            5
+
+  Harry Furniss, aged 10                                               6
+
+  A Caricature, made when a Boy (never published). Dublin Exhibition.
+      Portrait of Sir A. Guinness (now Lord Iveagh) in centre         11
+
+  An Early Illustration on Wood by Harry Furniss.  Partly Engraved
+      by him.                                                         16
+
+  Sketches in Galway                                                  19
+
+  "Judy," the Galway Dwarf                                            23
+
+  Phelps, the first Actor I saw                                       24
+
+  Mrs. Hardcastle. Mr. Harry Furniss. From an Early Sketch            25
+
+  Caricature of Myself, drawn when I first arrived in London          30
+
+  Age 20                                                              35
+
+  A successful "Make-Up"                                              36
+
+  Two Travellers                                                      38
+
+  The Duke of "Broadacres"                                            40
+
+  Savage Club House Dinner. From a Sketch by Herbert Johnson          41
+
+  The Earl of Dunraven as a Savage                                    42
+
+  "Another Gap in Our Ranks"                                          43
+
+  "Jope"                                                              43
+
+  H. J. Byron                                                          44
+
+  A Presentation                                                      45
+
+  Savage Club. My Design for the Menu, 25th Anniversary Dinner        47
+
+  "Savages"                                                           50
+
+  Letter from Sir Spencer Wells                                       51
+
+  Distress in the Black Country                                       54
+
+  At the Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race                               55
+
+  As Special at the Balaclava Celebration                             57
+
+  Distress in the North                                               59
+
+  Realism!                                                            61
+
+  "The Caitiff" and Orlando                                           62
+
+  An Invitation                                                       63
+
+  At a Fancy Dress Ball                                               65
+
+  Lewis Wingfield as a Street Nigger Home from the Derby              67
+
+  "The Liberal Candidate"                                             68
+
+  Sketches at the Liverpool Election: A Ward Meeting                  69
+
+  My Easel. Drawing Mr. Gladstone at a Public Meeting                 71
+
+  The American Sunday Papers                                          72
+
+  Major Handy                                                         74
+
+  The World's Fair, Chicago. A "Special's" Visit                      75
+
+  "On dashed the Horses in their wild Career"                         77
+
+  Initial "A"                                                         79
+
+  The Charnel-House. Chicago World's Fair                             80
+
+  Initial "London"                                                    83
+
+  The Bishop of Lincoln's Trial                                       85
+
+  Initial "If"                                                        88
+
+  Majuba Hill                                                         89
+
+  Canon Liddon. A Sketch from Life                                    92
+
+  Letter from Sir Walter Besant                                       94
+
+  The Late Sir Walter Besant                                          95
+
+  The "Jetty"                                                         95
+
+  Illustration for "The Talk of the Town"                             96
+
+  "That's just what I have done!"                                     98
+
+  Specimen of James Payn's Writing                                    99
+
+  The Typical Lovers in Illustrated Novels                           100
+
+  Initial "T"                                                        101
+
+  Instructions in a Letter from Lewis Carroll                        103
+
+  Specimen of Lewis Carroll's Drawing and Writing                    106
+
+  Original Sketch by Lewis Carroll of his Charming Hero and Heroine  107
+
+  Lewis Carroll's Note to me or a Pathetic Picture                   108
+
+  Sylvie and Bruno. My Original Drawing for Lewis Carroll            110
+
+  I Go Mad!                                                          111
+
+  From Lewis Carroll                                                 112
+
+  "I do want a Wicket-keeper!"                                       113
+
+  Portion of Letter from Lawrence, age 9                             114
+
+  Reduction from a Design for my "Romps"                             115
+
+  Portion of a Letter from George du Maurier                         117
+
+  A Transformation                                                   119
+
+  "Yours always, Barnard"                                            119
+
+  Barnard and the Models                                             120
+
+  "I sit for 'Ands, Sir"                                             121
+
+  The Grand Old Hand and the Young 'Un                               122
+
+  My Fighting Double                                                 124
+
+  Specimen of Mr. Linley Sambourne's Envelopes to me                 125
+
+  Cheque for 5-1/2d. passed through two Banks and paid. I signed it
+      _backwards_, and it was cancelled by Clerk _backwards_         127
+
+  Sir Henry Irving writes his Name backwards                         128
+
+  Sir Henry Irving's Attempt                                         128
+
+  Mr. J. L. Toole's first Attempt                                    128
+
+  Mr. J. L. Toole's second Attempt                                   128
+
+  Autograph: Harry Furniss                                           129
+
+  Initial "If"                                                       131
+
+  The Studio of a Caricaturist                                       132
+
+  Caricature of me by my Daughter, age 15                            134
+
+  A serious Portrait--from Life                                      135
+
+  Initial "H"                                                        136
+
+  "Penguin"                                                          139
+
+  Mr. Brown, Ordinary Attire. Court Dress                            139
+
+  Two Portraits                                                      140
+
+  A Caricature                                                       140
+
+  _Not_ a Caricature                                                 140
+
+  The Editor of _Punch_ sits for his Portrait                        144
+
+  A Model unawares and the Result                                    145
+
+  Sketch on a Shirt-Cuff                                             146
+
+  "Mundella"                                                         147
+
+  Mr. Labouchere                                                     149
+
+  The M.P. Real and Ideal                                            150
+
+  The Photo. As he really is                                         151
+
+  "Dizzy" (Beaconsfield) and Gladstone                               154
+
+  The Inner Lobby of the House of Commons                            156
+
+  Explanation to Illustration on page 156                            157
+
+  Lord Beaconsfield. A Sketch from Life                              158
+
+  The last Visit of Lord Beaconsfield to the House                   161
+
+  Mr. Gladstone. A Sketch from Life                                  163
+
+  Mr. Gladstone "under his Flow of Eloquence"                        165
+
+  Mr. Gladstone. Conventional Portrait                               167
+
+  Caricature of the Holl Portrait                                    169
+
+  Note of Mr. Gladstone made in the Press Gallery with the wrong
+      end of a Quill Pen                                             171
+
+  Invitation to a "Sandwich Soirée"                                  173
+
+  Mr. Gladstone sits on the Floor                                    174
+
+  The Fragment of _Punch_ Mr. Gladstone did not see                  175
+
+  The Gladstone Matchbox                                             176
+
+  Mr. Gladstone's Collars                                            178
+
+  Parnell                                                            179
+
+  To Room 15                                                         182
+
+  Outside Room 15                                                    183
+
+  Outside my Room                                                    185
+
+  "The G.O.M." and "Randy"                                           185
+
+  Mr. Louis Jennings                                                 186
+
+  Lord Randolph and Louis Jennings                                   188
+
+  Lord Randolph Churchill                                            189
+
+  Behind the Speaker's Chair                                         190
+
+  Initial "S"                                                        191
+
+  Initial "H"                                                        193
+
+  Bradlaugh Triumphant. _From "Punch"_                               194
+
+  Charles Bradlaugh                                                  195
+
+  The Meet at St. Stephen's                                          197
+
+  Sir George Campbell                                                199
+
+  Heraldic Design illustrating Mr. Plunkett's (now Lord Rathmore)
+      Joke                                                           201
+
+  Mr. Farmer Atkinson                                                202
+
+  I must Introduce you to Lucy. Here he is                           203
+
+  Joseph Gillis Biggar                                               204
+
+  Initial "I"                                                        206
+
+  The House of Commons from Toby's Private Box                       208
+
+  The Government Bench--before Home Rule                             211
+
+  Reduction of one of my Parliamentary Pages in _Punch_              214
+
+  Initial "T"                                                        215
+
+  Age 26, when I first worked for _Punch_                            216
+
+  My first Meeting with the Editor of _Punch_                        217
+
+  My first Invitation from _Punch_                                   218
+
+  A Letter from Charles Keene, objecting to an Editor interviewing
+       him                                                           219
+
+  "Robert"                                                           220
+
+  George du Maurier                                                  221
+
+  Suggestion by du Maurier for _Punch_ Cartoon                       224
+
+  Du Maurier's Souvenir de Fontainebleau. _From "Punch_"             225
+
+  _Punch_ Staff returning from Paris                                 227
+
+  Japanese Style                                                     229
+
+  "Birch--His Mark"                                                  231
+
+  Chinese Style. From a Drawing on Wood                              232
+
+  Familiar Faces                                                     234
+
+  An Official in the Press Gallery                                   235
+
+  "He spies me"                                                      236
+
+  "What are you?"                                                    236
+
+  "Blowed if the Country wants you"                                  238
+
+  "I feel smaller!"                                                  241
+
+  The Black Beetle                                                   242
+
+  The Sergeant-at-Arms' Room                                         243
+
+  Capt. Gosset, late Sergeant-at-Arms                                244
+
+  My "Childish" Style in _Punch_                                     245
+
+  A simple Document                                                  246
+
+  I Sketch the House                                                 247
+
+  Dr. Percy. "The House Up"                                          250
+
+  Mr. Punch's Puzzle-Headed People. Mr. Goschen                      251
+
+  Mr. Punch's Puzzle-Headed People. "All Harcourts"                  252
+
+  The New Cabinet                                                    255
+
+  Reduction of Page in _Punch_, showing that my Caricatures were--in
+      this case--published too large                                 258
+
+  Reduction from the Original Drawing, showing that I gave
+      Instructions for the Caricature to be "reduced as usual"       259
+
+  What really happened                                               261
+
+  Dr. Tanner                                                         262
+
+  Assault on me in the House. What the Press described               263
+
+  John Burns                                                         265
+
+  Note from Sir Frank Lockwood, after reading the Bogus Account of
+      the "Assault"                                                  266
+
+  Letter supposed to come from Lord Cross. (Lockwood's Joke)         267
+
+  Sir F. Lockwood      269
+
+  Lewis Carroll's Suggestion, and my sketch of it in _Punch_         270
+
+  Nature's Puzzle Portrait                                           271
+
+  Initial "W"                                                        272
+
+  "Three Oarsmen under a Tree"                                       273
+
+  Lord Russell's Acceptance to dine with me                          275
+
+  "It's your Turn next"                                              277
+
+  Letter from Sir Frank Lockwood                                     277
+
+  Mr. Linley Sambourne                                               278
+
+  Portrait of me as a Member of the Two Pins Club, by Linley
+       Sambourne                                                     279
+
+  The late Lord Russell, the President of the Two Pins Club          280
+
+  "Furious Riding." Sketch by F. C. Gould                            282
+
+  My Portrait, by F. C. Burnand                                      285
+
+  Mr. Punch "doing" the Picture Shows                                286
+
+  The Picture Shows. Design from _Punch_                             288
+
+  "The World-Renowned and Talented Barnardo Family"                  289
+
+  The Great Baccarat Case. My Sketch in Pencil made in Court, and
+       Congratulatory Note from the Editor of _Punch_                291
+
+  Letter from Professor Herkomer                                     293
+
+  A Prisoner                                                         294
+
+  "Good Advertisement." Original Idea as sent to me                  297
+
+  Ditto. My Drawing of it in _Punch_                                 297
+
+  "English Waterproof Ink"                                           299
+
+  I sit for John Brown                                               300
+
+  A Crib by an American Advertiser                                   301
+
+  Finis                                                              302
+
+
+
+
+                       CONFESSIONS OF A CARICATURIST.
+
+
+
+
+                                CHAPTER I.
+
+CONFESSIONS OF MY CHILDHOOD--AND AFTER.
+
+  Introductory--Birth and Parentage--The Cause of my remaining a
+   Caricaturist--The Schoolboys' _Punch_--Infant Prodigies--As a Student--I
+   Start in Life--_Zozimus_--The Sullivan Brothers--Pigott--The Forger--The
+   Irish "Pathriot"--Wood Engraving--Tom Taylor--The Wild
+   West--Judy--Behind the Scenes--Titiens--My First and Last Appearance in
+   a Play--My Journey to London--My Companion--A Coincidence.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+In offering the following pages to the public, I should like it to be
+known that no interviewer has extracted them from me by the thumbscrew
+of a morning call, nor have they been wheedled out of me by the caresses
+of those iron-maidens of literature, the publishers. For the most part
+they have been penned in odd half-hours as I sat in my easy-chair in the
+solitude of my studio, surrounded by the aroma of the post-prandial
+cigarette.
+
+I would also at the outset warn those who may purchase this work in the
+expectation of finding therein the revelations of a caricaturist's
+Chamber of Horrors, that they will be disappointed. Some day I may be
+tempted to bring forth my skeletons from the seclusion of their
+cupboards and strip my mummies, taking certain familiar figures and
+faces to pieces and exposing not only the jewels with which they were
+packed away, but all those spicy secrets too which are so relished by
+scandal-loving readers.
+
+At present, however, I am in an altogether lighter and more genial vein.
+My confessions up to date are of a purely personal character, and like a
+literary Liliputian I am placing myself in the hand of that colossal
+Gulliver the Public.
+
+I may, it is true, in the course of my remarks be led to retaliate to
+some extent upon those who have had the hardihood to assert that all
+caricaturists ought, in the interest of historical accuracy, to be
+shipped on board an unseaworthy craft and left in the middle of the
+Channel, for the crime of handing down to posterity distorted images of
+those now in the land of the living. This I feel bound to do in
+self-defence, as well as in the cause of truth, for to judge by the
+biographical sketches of myself which continually appear and reach me
+through the medium of a press-cutting agency, caricaturists as
+distorters of features are not so proficient as authors as distorters of
+facts.
+
+I think it best therefore to begin by giving as briefly as possible an
+authentic outline of my early career.
+
+For the benefit of anyone who may not feel particularly interested in
+such details, I should mention that the narration of this plain
+unvarnished tale extends from this line to page 29.
+
+I was born in Ireland, in the town of Wexford, on March 26th, 1854. I do
+not, however, claim, to be an Irishman. My father was a typical
+Englishman, hailing from Yorkshire, and not in his appearance only, but
+in his tastes and sympathies, he was an unmistakable John Bull. By
+profession he was a civil engineer, and he migrated to Ireland some
+years before I was born, having been invited to throw some light upon
+that "benighted counthry" by designing and superintending the erection
+of gas works in various towns and cities.
+
+My mother was Scotch. My great-great-grandfather was a captain in the
+Pretender's army at Culloden, and had a son, Angus, who settled in
+Aberdeen. When Æneas MacKenzie, my grandfather, was born, his family
+moved south and settled in Newcastle-on-Tyne. A local biographer writes
+of him: "A man who by dint of perseverance and self-denial acquired more
+learning than ninety-nine in a hundred ever got at a university--an
+accomplished and most trustworthy writer. The real founder of the
+Newcastle Mechanics' Institute, and the leader of the group of
+Philosophical Radicals who made not a little stir in the North of
+England at the beginning of the last century." He was not only a
+benevolent, active member of society and an ardent politician (Joseph
+Cowen received his earliest impressions from him--and never forgot his
+indebtedness), but the able historian of Northumberland, Durham, and of
+Newcastle itself, a town in which he spent his life and his energies. If
+I possess any hereditary aptitude for journalism, it is to him I owe it;
+whilst to my mother, who at a time when miniature painting was
+fashionable, cultivated the natural artistic taste with much success, I
+am directly indebted for such artistic faculties as are innate in me.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+My family moved from Wexford to Dublin when I was ten. It is pleasant to
+know they left a good impression. In Miss Mary Banim's account of
+Ireland I find the following reference to these aliens in Wexford, which
+I must allow my egotism to transcribe: "Many are the kindly memories
+that remain in Wexford of this warm-hearted, gifted family, who are said
+not only to be endowed with rare talents, but, better still, with those
+qualities that endear people to those they meet in daily intercourse."
+The flattering adjectives with which the remarks about myself are
+sandwiched prevent my modest nature from quoting any more. However, as
+one does not remember much of that period of their life before they
+reach their teens I need not apologise for quoting from the same work
+this reference to me at that age:
+
+"One who was his playmate--he is still a young man--describes Mr.
+Furniss as very small of stature, full of animation and merriment,
+constantly amusing himself and his friends with clever[!] reproductions
+of each humorous character or scene that met his eye in the
+ever-fruitful gallery of living art--gay, grotesque, pathetic, even
+beautiful--that the streets and outlets of such a town as Wexford
+present to a quick eye and a ready pencil."
+
+I can appreciate the fact that at that early age I had an eye for the
+"pathetic, and even beautiful," but, alas! I have been misunderstood
+from the day of my birth. I used to sit and study the heavens before I
+could walk, and my nurse, a wise and shrewd woman, predicted that I
+should become a great astronomer; but instead of the works of Herschel
+being put into my hands, I was satiated with the vilest comic toy books,
+and deluged with the frivolous nursery literature now happily a thing of
+the past. At odd times my old leaning towards serious reflection and
+ambition for high art come over me, but there is a fatality which dogs
+my footsteps and always at the critical moment ruins my hopes.
+
+It is indeed strange how slight an incident may alter the whole course
+of one's life, as will be seen from the following instance, which I
+insert here although it took place some years after the period to which
+I am now alluding.
+
+The scene was Antwerp, to which I was paying my first visit, and where I
+was, like all artists, very much impressed and delighted with the
+cathedral of the quaint old place. The afternoon was merging into
+evening as I entered the sacred building, and the broad amber rays of
+the setting sun glowed amid the stately pillars and deepened the shadowy
+glamour of the solemn aisles. As I gazed on the scene of grandeur I felt
+profoundly moved by the picturesque effect, and the following morning
+discovered me hard at work upon a most elaborate study of the beautiful
+carved figures upon the confessional boxes. I had just laid out my
+palette preparatory to painting that picture which would of course make
+my name and fortune, when a hoarse and terribly British guffaw at my
+elbow startled me, and turning round I encountered some acquaintances to
+whom the scene seemed to afford considerable amusement. One of them was
+good enough to remark that to have come all the way to Antwerp to find a
+caricaturist painting the confessional boxes in the cathedral was
+certainly the funniest thing he had ever heard of, and thereupon
+insisted upon dragging me off to dine with him, a proposition to which I
+immediately assented, feeling far more foolish than I could possibly
+have looked. I may add that as the sun that evening dipped beneath the
+western horizon, so vanished the visions of high art by which I had been
+inspired, and thus it is that Michael Angelo Vandyck Correggio Raphael
+Furniss lies buried in Antwerp Cathedral. Strangely enough I came across
+the following paragraph some years afterwards: "The guides of Antwerp
+Cathedral point out a grotesque in the wood carving of the choir which
+resembles almost exactly the head of Mr. Gladstone, as depicted by Harry
+Furniss."
+
+[Illustration: MY FATHER.]
+
+My earliest recollections are altogether too modern to be of much
+interest. Crimean heroes were veterans when they, as guests at my
+father's table, fought their battles o'er again. The _Great Eastern_
+steamship was quite an old white elephant of the sea when I, held up in
+my nurse's arms, saw Brunel's blunder pass Greenore Point. I was hardly
+eligible for "Etons" when our present King was married. When first taken
+to church I was most interested, as standing on tiptoe on the seat in
+our square family pew, and peering into the next pew, I saw a young
+governess, at that moment the most talked-of woman in Great Britain, the
+niece of the notorious poisoner Palmer. She had just returned from the
+condemned cell, having made that scoundrel confess his crime, and there
+was more pleasure in the sight than in listening to the good old Rector
+Elgee who had christened me, or in seeing his famous daughter the
+poetess "Speranza," otherwise known as Lady Wilde.
+
+In the newspaper shop windows--always an attraction to me--the coloured
+portrait of Garibaldi was fly-blown, the pictures of the great fight
+between Sayers and Heenan were illustrations of ancient history, and in
+the year I was born _Punch_ published his twenty-sixth volume.
+
+[Illustration: HARRY FURNISS, AGED 10.]
+
+Leaving Wexford before the railway there was opened, my parents removed
+to the metropolis of Ireland, and I went to school in Dublin at the age
+of twelve. It was at the Wesleyan Connexional School, now known as the
+Wesleyan College, St. Stephen's Green, that I struggled through my first
+pages of Cæsar and stumbled over the "pons asinorum," and here I must
+mention that although the Wesleyan College bears the name of the great
+religious reformer, a considerable number of the boys who studied
+there--myself included--were in no way connected with the Wesleyan body.
+I merely say this because I have seen it stated more than once that I am
+a Wesleyan, and as this little sketch professes to be an authentic
+account of myself, I wish it to be correct, however trivial my remarks
+may seem to the general reader. It is in the same spirit that I have
+disclaimed the honour of being an Irishman.
+
+Once upon a time, when I was a very little boy, I remember being very
+much impressed by a heading in my copybook which ran: "He who can learn
+to write, can learn to draw." Now this was putting the cart before the
+horse, so far as my experience had gone, for I could most certainly draw
+before I could write, and had not only become an editor long before I
+was fit to be a contributor, but was also a publisher before I had even
+seen a printing press. In fact, I was but a little urchin in
+knickerbockers when I brought out a periodical--in MS. it is true--of
+which the ambitious title was "The Schoolboys' _Punch._" The ingenuous
+simplicity with which I am universally credited by all who know me now
+had not then, I fancy, obtained complete possession of me. I must have
+been artful, designing, diplomatic, almost Machiavellian; for anxious to
+curry favour with the head master of my school, I resolved to use the
+columns of "The Schoolboys' _Punch_" not so much in the interest of the
+schoolboy world as to attract the head master's favourable notice to the
+editor.
+
+Accordingly, the first cartoon I drew for the paper was specially
+designed with this purpose in view, and I need scarcely say it was
+highly complimentary to the head master. He was represented in a
+Poole-made suit of perfectly-fitting evening dress, and the trousers, I
+remember, were particularly free from the slightest wrinkle, and must
+have been extremely uncomfortable to the wearer. This tailorish
+impossibility was matched by the tiny patent boots which encased the
+great man's small and exquisitely moulded feet. I furnished him with a
+pair of dollish light eyes, with long eyelashes carefully drawn in, and
+as a masterstroke threw in the most taper-shaped waist.
+
+The subject of the picture, I flattered myself, was selected with no
+little cleverness and originality. A celebrated conjuror who had
+recently exposed the frauds of the Davenport Brothers was at the moment
+creating a sensation in the town where the school was situated, and from
+that incident I determined to draw my inspiration. The magnitude of the
+design and the importance of the occasion seemed to demand a
+double-paged cartoon. On one side I depicted a hopelessly scared little
+schoolboy, not unlike myself at the time, tightly corded in a cabinet,
+which represented the school, with trailing Latin roots, heavy Greek
+exercises, and chains of figures. The door, supposed to be closed on
+this distressing but necessary situation, is observed in the opposite
+cartoon to be majestically thrown open by the beaming and consciously
+successful head master, in order to allow a young college student, the
+pink of scholastic perfection, to step out, loaded with learning and
+academical honours.
+
+"Great events from little causes spring!"--great, at least, to me. So
+well was my juvenile effort received, that it is not too much to say it
+decided my future career. Had my subtle flattery taken the shape of a
+written panegyric upon the head master in lieu of a cartoon, it is
+possible that I might, had I met with equal success, have devoted myself
+to journalism and literature; but from that day forward I clung to the
+pencil, and in a few years was regularly contributing "cartoons" to
+public journals, and practising the profession I have ever since
+pursued.
+
+Drawing, in fact, seemed to come to me naturally and intuitively. This
+was well for me, for small indeed was the instruction I received. I
+recollect that a German governess, who professed, among other things, to
+teach drawing, undertook to cultivate my genius; but I derived little
+benefit from her unique system, as it consisted in placing over the
+paper the drawing to be copied, and pricking the leading points with a
+pin, after which, the copy being removed, the lines were drawn from one
+point to another. The copies were of course soon perforated beyond
+recognition, and, although I warmly protested against this sacrilege of
+art, she explained that it was by that system that Albert Dürer had been
+taught. This, of course, accounts for our having infant prodigies in
+art, as well as music and the drama. The rapidity with which Master
+Hoffmann was followed by infantile Lizsts and little Otto Hegner as soon
+as it became apparent that there was a demand for such phenomena, seems
+to indicate that in music at all events supply will follow demand as a
+matter of course, and if the infant artist can only be "crammed" in
+daubing on canvas as youthful musicians are in playing on the piano,
+then perhaps a new sensation is in store for the artistic world, and we
+shall see babies executing replicas of the old masters, and the Infant
+Slapdash painter painting the portraits of Society beauties. As a
+welcome relief to Chopin's Nocturne in D flat, played by Baby Hegner at
+St. James's Hall, we shall step across to Bond Street and behold "Le
+Petit Américain" dashing off his "Nocturne" on canvas. I sometimes
+wonder if I might have been made such an infant art prodigy, but when I
+was a lad public taste was not in its second childhood in matters of art
+patronage, nor was the forcing of children practised in the same manner
+as it is nowadays.
+
+Naturally enough I did not altogether escape the thraldom of the
+drawing-master, and as years went on I made a really serious effort to
+study at an art school under the Kensington system, which I must confess
+I believe to be positively prejudicial to a young artist possessing
+imagination and originality. The late Lord Beaconsfield made one of his
+characters in "Lothair" declare that "critics are those who have failed
+in literature and art." Whether this is true as to the art critics, or
+that the dramatic critic is generally a disappointed playwright, it must
+in truth be said that drawing-masters are nearly always those who have
+failed in art. I can remember one gentleman who was the especial terror
+of my youth. I can see him now going his rounds along the chilly
+corridor, where, perhaps, one had been placed to draw something "from
+the flat." After years and years of practice at this rubbish, he would
+halt beside you, look at your work in a perfunctory manner, and with a
+dexterity which appalled you until you reflected that he had been doing
+the same thing exactly, and nothing else, for perhaps a decade, he would
+draw in a section of a leaf, and if, as in my case, you happened to have
+a pretty sister attending the ladies' class in the school, he would add
+leaf to leaf until your whole paper was covered with his mechanical
+handiwork, in order to have a little extra conversation with you,
+although, I need scarcely add, it was not exclusively confined to the
+subject of art.
+
+This sort of thing was called "instruction in freehand drawing," and had
+to be endured and persisted in for months and months. Freehand! Shade of
+Apelles! What is there free in squinting and measuring, and feebly
+touching in and fiercely rubbing out a collection of straggling
+mechanical pencil lines on a piece of paper pinned on to a hard board,
+which after a few weeks becomes nothing but a confused jumble of
+fingermarks?
+
+Had I an Art School I would treat my students according to their
+individual requirements, just as a doctor treats his patients. I am led
+here to repeat what I have already observed in one of my lectures, that
+for the young the pill of knowledge should be silver-coated, and that
+while they are being instructed they should also be amused. In other
+words, interest your pupils, do not depress them. Giotto did not begin
+by rigidly elaborating a drawing of the crook of his shepherd's staff
+for weeks together; his drawings upon the sand and upon the flat stones
+which he found on the hillsides are said to have been of the picturesque
+sheep he tended, and all the interesting and fascinating objects that
+met his eye. Then, when his hand had gained practice, he was able to
+draw that perfect circle which he sent to the Pope as a proof of his
+command of hand. But the truth is that we begin at the wrong end, and
+try to make our boys draw a perfect circle before they are in love with
+drawing at all. For my part, I had to endure some weeks of weary
+struggling with a cone and ball and other chilly objects, the effect of
+which was to fill my mind with an overwhelming sense of the dreariness
+of art education under the Kensington system. A short time, therefore,
+sufficed to disgust me with the Art School, and I preferred to stay at
+home caricaturing my relatives, educating myself, and practising alone
+the rudiments of my art.
+
+[Illustration: A CARICATURE, MADE WHEN A BOY (NEVER PUBLISHED). DUBLIN
+EXHIBITION. PORTRAIT OF SIR A. GUINNESS (NOW LORD IVEAGH) IN CENTRE.]
+
+Early in my teens, however, I was invited to join the Life School of the
+Hibernian Academy, as there happened to be a paucity of students at that
+institution, and in order to secure the Government grant it was
+necessary to bring them up to the required number. But here also there
+was no idea of proper teaching. Some fossilised member of the Academy
+would stand about roasting his toes over the stove. A recollection of a
+fair specimen of the body still haunts me. He used to roll round the
+easels, and you became conscious of his approaching presence by an
+aroma of onions. I believe he was a landscape painter, and saw no more
+beauty in the female form divine than in a haystack. It was his custom
+to take up a huge piece of charcoal and come down upon one of your
+delicately drawn pencil lines of a figure with a terrible stroke about
+an inch wide.
+
+"There, me boy," he would exclaim, "that's what it wants," and walk on,
+leaving you in doubt upon which side of the line you had drawn he
+intended his alteration to come.
+
+I soon decided to have my own models and study for myself, and this
+practice I have maintained to the present day. I really don't know what
+Mrs. Grundy would have said if she had known that at this early age I
+was drawing Venuses from the life, instead of tinting the illustrations
+to "Robinson Crusoe" or "Gulliver's Travels" in my playroom at home.
+
+Few imagine that a caricaturist requires models to draw from. Although I
+will not further digress at this point, I may perhaps be pardoned if I
+return later on in this book to the explanation of my _modus
+operandi_--a subject which, if I may judge from the number of letters I
+receive about it, is likely to prove of interest to a large number of my
+readers.
+
+It was when I was still quite a boy that my first great chance came.
+Being in Dublin, I was asked one day by my friend the late Mr. A. M.
+Sullivan to make some illustrations for a paper called _Zozimus_, of
+which he was the editor and founder. As a matter of fact, _Zozimus_ was
+the Irish _Punch_. Mr. Sullivan, who was a Nationalist, and a man of
+exceptional energy and ability, began life as an artist. He came to
+Dublin, I was told, as a very young man, and began to paint; but the
+sails of his ships were pronounced to be far too yellow, the seas on
+which the vessels floated were derided as being far too green, while the
+skies above them were scoffed at as being far too blue. In these adverse
+circumstances, then, the artist soon drifted into journalism, and,
+inducing his brothers to join him in his new venture, thenceforth took
+up the pen and abandoned the brush. Each member of the family became a
+well-known figure in Parliamentary life. Mr. T. D. Sullivan, the poet of
+the Irish Party, is still a well-known figure in the world of politics;
+but my friend Mr. A. M. Sullivan, who died some years ago, belonged
+rather to the more moderate _régime_ which prevailed in the Irish Party
+during the leadership of Mr. Butt.
+
+At the time when I first made his acquaintance he was the editor and
+moving spirit of the _Nation_. It was a curious office, and I can recall
+many whom I first met there who have since come more or less prominently
+to the front in public life. There was Mr. Sexton, whom my friend "Toby"
+has since christened "Windbag Sexton" in his Parliamentary reports. Mr.
+Sexton then presided over the scissors and paste department of the
+journals owned by Mr. A. M. Sullivan, and, unlike the posing orator he
+afterwards became, was at that early stage of his career of a very
+modest and retiring disposition. Mr. Leamy also, I think, was connected
+with the staff, while Mr. Dennis Sullivan superintended the sale of the
+papers in the publishing department.
+
+But the central figure in the office was unquestionably the editor and
+proprietor, Mr. A. M. Sullivan. His personality was of itself
+remarkable. Possessed of wonderful energy and nerve, he was a confirmed
+teetotaller, and his prominent eyes, beaming with intelligence, seemed
+almost to be starting from his head as, intent upon some project, he
+darted about the office, ever and anon checking his erratic movements to
+give further directions to his subordinates, when he had a funny habit
+of placing his hand on his mouth and blowing his moustache through his
+fingers, much to the amusement of his listeners, and to my astonishment,
+as I stood modestly in a corner of the editorial sanctum observing with
+awe the great Mr. Sexton, who, amid the distractions of scissors and
+paste, would drawl out a sentence or two in a voice strongly resembling
+the sarcastic tones of Mr. Labouchere.
+
+In another part of the office sat Mr. T. D. Sullivan, the poet
+aforesaid, who, like his brother, is a genial and kindly man at heart,
+although possessing the volcanic temperament characteristic of his
+family. There he sat--a poet with a large family--his hair dishevelled,
+his trousers worked by excitement halfway up his calves, emitting
+various stertorous sounds after the manner of his brother, as he
+savagely tore open the recently-arrived English newspapers. Such was the
+interior of the office of the _Nation_, the representative organ of the
+most advanced type of the National Press of Ireland.
+
+But _Zozimus_, the paper to which I was then contributing, had nothing
+in common with the rest of the publications issuing from that office. It
+was of a purely social character, and was a praiseworthy attempt to do
+something of a more artistic nature than the coarsely-conceived and
+coarsely-executed National cartoons which were the only specimens of
+illustrative art produced in Ireland. Fortunately for me, there was an
+effort made in Dublin just then to produce a better class of
+publications, and the result was that I began to get fairly busy,
+although it was merely a wave of artistic energy, which did not last
+long, but soon subsided into that dead level of mediocrity which does
+not appear likely to be again disturbed.
+
+I was now in my seventeenth year, and, intent on making as much hay as
+possible the while the sun shone, I accepted every kind of work that was
+offered me; and a strange medley it was. Religious books, medical works,
+scientific treatises, scholastic primers and story books afforded in
+turn illustrative material for my pencil. One week I was engaged upon
+designs for the most advanced Catholic and Jesuitical manuals, and the
+next upon similar work for a Protestant prayer-book. At one moment it
+seemed as if I were destined to achieve fame as an artist of the
+ambulance corps and the dissecting-room. One of my earliest
+dreams--which I attribute to the fact that my eldest brother, with whom
+I had much in common, was a doctor--had been to adopt the medical
+profession. Curiously enough, my brother also had a taste for
+caricaturing, and, like the illustrious John Leech in his medical
+student days, he was wont to embellish his notes in the hospital
+lecture-room with pictorial _jeux d'esprit_ of a livelier cast than
+those for which scope is usually afforded by the discourses of the
+learned Mr. Sawbones.
+
+I remember that about this period a leading surgeon was anxious that I
+should devote myself to the pursuit of this anything but pleasant form
+of art, and seriously proposed that I should draw and paint for him some
+of his surgical cases. I accepted his offer without hesitation, and,
+burning to distinguish myself as an anatomical expert with the brush, I
+gave instruction to our family butcher to send me, as a model to study
+from, a kidney, which was to be the acme of goriness and as repulsive in
+appearance as possible. Of this piece of uncooked meat I made a quite
+pre-Raphaelite study in water-colours, but so realistic was the result
+that the effect it had upon me was the very antithesis to what I
+anticipated, disgusting me to such an extent that I not only declined to
+pursue further anatomical illustration, but for years afterwards was
+quite unable to touch a kidney, although I believe that had I selected a
+calf's head or a sucking-pig for my maiden effort in this direction, I
+might by now have blossomed into a Rembrandt or a Landseer.
+
+[Illustration: AN EARLY ILLUSTRATION ON WOOD BY HARRY FURNISS. PARTLY
+ENGRAVED BY HIM.]
+
+Amongst other incidents which occurred during this period of my life was
+one which it now almost makes me shudder to think of. I was commissioned
+by no less a personage than the late Mr. Pigott, of Parnell Commission
+notoriety, to illustrate for him a story of the broadest Irish humour.
+Little did I think when I entered his office in Abbey Street, Dublin,
+and had an interview with the genial and pleasant-looking little man
+with the eye-glass, that he would one day play so prominent a _rôle_ in
+the Parliamentary drama, or that the weak little arm he extended to me
+was destined years afterwards to be the instrument of a tragedy. I can
+truly say, at all events, my recollection as a boy of sixteen of the
+great _Times_ forger is by no means unfavourable, and he dwells in my
+memory as one of the most pleasant and genial of men. I ought, perhaps,
+to say that in feeling I was anything but a Nationalist, because in
+Ireland, generally speaking, you must be either black or white. But like
+a lawyer who takes his brief from every source, I never studied who my
+clients were when they required my juvenile services.
+
+Although I was not of Irish parentage and did not lean towards
+Nationalism in politics, it was necessary to sympathise now and then
+with the down-trodden race. For instance, I remember that one evening a
+respectable-looking mechanic called at my fathers house and requested to
+see me. His manner was strange and mysterious, and as he wanted to see
+me alone, I took him into an anteroom, where, with my hand on the door
+handle and the other within easy distance of the bell, I asked the
+excitable-looking stranger the nature of his business. Pulling from his
+pocket a roll of one-pound Irish bank-notes, he thrust them into my
+hand, and besought me at the same time not to refuse the request he was
+about to make. An idea flashed through my mind that perhaps he had seen
+me coming out of the offices of the National Press, and had jumped to
+the conclusion that I could therefore be bought over to perpetrate some
+terrible political crime. I even imagined that in the roll of notes I
+should find the knife with which the fell deed had to be done. Seeing
+that I shrank from him, he seized hold of my arm, and, in a most
+pitiable voice, said:
+
+"Don't, young sorr, refuse me what I am about to ask you. I'm only a
+working man, but here are all my savings, which you may take if you will
+just dhraw me a picter to be placed at the top of a complete set of
+photographs of our Irish leaders. I want Britannia at the head of the
+group, a bastely dhrunken old hag, wid her fut on the throat of the
+beautiful Erin, who is to be bound hand and fut wid chains, and being
+baten and starved. Thin I want prisons at the sides, showing the grand
+sons of Ould Oireland dying in their cells by torture, whilst a fine
+Oirish liberator wid dhrawn sword is just on the point of killing
+Britannia outright, and so saving his disthressful country."
+
+About this time someone had been good enough to inform me that all black
+and white artists are in the habit of engraving their own work, and,
+religiously believing this, I duly provided myself with some engraving
+tools, bought some boxwood, a jeweller's eye-glass, and a sand bag,
+without which no engraver's table can be said to be complete.
+
+Then, setting to work to practise the difficult art, I struggled on as
+best I could, until one fine day a professional engraver enlightened me
+upon the matter. I need scarcely say he went into fits of laughter when
+I told him that every artist was expected to be a Bewick, and he pointed
+out to me that not only do artists as a rule know very little about
+engraving, but in addition they have often only a limited knowledge of
+how to draw for engravers.
+
+However, thinking I should better understand the difficulties of drawing
+for publishers if I first mastered the technical art of reproduction,
+with the assistance of the engraver aforesaid I rapidly acquired
+sufficient dexterity with the tools to engrave my own drawings, and this
+I continued to do until I left Dublin, at the age of nineteen. Since
+then I have never utilised one of my gravers, except to pick a lock or
+open a box of sardines. Nor is this to be wondered at, considering that
+one can make a drawing in an hour which takes a week to engrave, and
+that an engraver may take five guineas for his share of the work whilst
+an artist may get fifty. There is very little doubt, therefore, as to
+the reason why artists who can draw refrain from engraving their own
+work.
+
+[Illustration: SKETCHES IN GALWAY.
+_Republished by permission of the proprietors of the "Illustrated London
+News."_]
+
+In the studio of the engraver to whom I have above referred there hung a
+huge map of London, and as I used to pore over it I took many an
+imaginary walk down Fleet Street, many a canter in the Row, and many a
+voyage to Greenwich on a penny steamboat, before I bade adieu to "dear
+dirty Dublin" in the year 1873, and, as many have done before me,
+arrived in the "little village" in search of fame and wealth.
+
+Just prior to my leaving Ireland for the land of my parents I met no
+less an editor than Tom Taylor, who was then the presiding genius of the
+_Punch_ table, and he gave me every encouragement to hasten my
+migration. He, however, had just returned from the wilds of Connemara,
+and before setting my face in the direction of Holyhead he strongly
+advised me also to pay a visit to the trackless wastes of the Western
+country, for the purpose of committing to paper the lineaments of the
+natives indigenous to the soil. This I did a week or so before quitting
+the land of my birth, and the sketches I made upon that occasion formed
+part of my stock-in-trade when I arrived in London.
+
+After making the accompanying page of studies, I strolled along the bank
+of the river; and while sketching some men breaking stones an incident
+happened which first aroused me to the fact that the lot of the
+sketching artist is not always a happy one. A fiend in human shape--an
+overbearing overseer--came up at the moment, and roundly abused the
+poor labourers for taking the "base Saxon's" coin. Inciting them to
+believe that I was a special informer from London, he laughed on my
+declaring that I was merely a novice, and informed me that I ought to be
+"dhrounded." He was about to suit the action to the word and pitch me
+into the salmon-stuffed river when he was stopped by the mediation of my
+models, and I escaped from the grip of the agitator. In due course I
+found myself in the Claddagh, a village of mud huts, which formed the
+frontispiece by John Leech to "A Little Tour in Ireland" by "An
+Oxonian," "a village of miserable cabins, the walls of mud and stone,
+and for the most part windowless, the floors damp and dirty, and the
+roofs a mass of rotten straw and weeds." Pigs and fowls mixed up with
+boats and fish refuse. Women old, dried and ugly; girls young, dark, of
+Spanish type, scantily dressed in bright-coloured short garments, all
+tattered and torn; and children grotesque beyond description. I sketch
+three members of one family clothed (!) in the three articles of attire
+discarded by their father--one claimed the coat, another the trousers,
+whilst the third had only a waistcoat. No doubt Leech had seen the same
+sixteen years before, when he was there; and if "the Oxonian," who
+survives him--Canon Hole, of Rochester--were to make another little tour
+in Ireland, he would find the Claddagh still a spot to give an
+Englishman "a new sensation." All I can say is, that having escaped a
+"dhrouning" in the river when in Galway in 1873, I have visited many
+countries and seen much filth and misery, but I have seen nothing
+approaching the sad squalor of the wild West of Ireland.
+
+The majority of those I sketched were hardly human. Tom Taylor was
+right--"I would find such characters there not to be found in all the
+world over," and I haven't. The people got on my overstrung youthful
+nerves. I left the country the moment I had sufficient material for my
+sketches. I had shaken off the unpleasant feeling of being murdered in
+the river. I had survived living a week or two in the worst inns in the
+world. I had risked typhoid and every other disease fostered by the
+insanitary surroundings--for I had to hide myself in narrow turnings and
+obnoxious corners so as to sketch unseen, as the religion of the natives
+opposed any attempt to have themselves "dhrawn," believing that the
+destruction of their "pictur'" would be fatal to their souls! I had
+sketched the famous house in Deadman's Lane--and listened as I sketched
+it, in the falling shades of night, to the old, old story of
+Fitz-Stephen the Warden, who had lived there, and had in virtue of his
+office to assist at the hanging of his own son. And, when in the dark I
+was strolling back to my hotel, my reflections were suddenly interrupted
+by something powerful seizing me in a grip of iron round my leg. I was
+held as in a vice, and could hardly move, by what--a huge dog--a wolf?
+No, something heavier; something more hideous; something clothed! As I
+dragged it under a lamp I saw revealed a huge head, covered by a black
+skull cap--a man's head--a dwarf, muttering in Irish something I could
+not understand--except one word, "Judy! Judy! Judy!" It was a woman of
+extraordinary strength thus clasped on to me. I dragged her to the hotel
+door, where I engaged an interpreter in the shape of the "boots," and
+made a bargain with "Judy" to release me on my giving her one shilling,
+and to sit to me for this sketch for half-a-crown. I have still a lively
+recollection of the vice-like grip.
+
+[Illustration: "JUDY," THE GALWAY DWARF.]
+
+My friend who had introduced me to the editor of _Punch_ was a prominent
+city official, and entertainer in chief of all men of talent from
+London, and was also, like Tom Taylor, an author and dramatist; and when
+I was a boy I illustrated one of his first stories. He also introduced
+me behind the scenes at the old Theatre Royal. I recollect my boyish
+delight when one day I was on the stage during the rehearsal of the
+Italian opera. Shall I ever forget that treat? It was much greater in my
+eyes than the real performance later on. If my memory serves, "Don
+Giovanni" was the opera. One of the principals was suddenly taken ill,
+and this rehearsal was called for the benefit of the understudy. He was
+a dumpy, puffy little Italian, and played the heavy father. Madame
+Titiens was--well--the heavy daughter. In the first scene she has to
+throw herself upon her prostrate father. This is the incident I saw
+rehearsed: the little fat father lay on the dusty stage, with one eye on
+the O.P. side. As soon as the massive form of Titiens bore down upon him
+he rolled over and over out of the way. This pantomime highly amused all
+of us, the ever-jovial Titiens in particular, and she again and again
+rushed laughingly in, but with the same result.
+
+The first actor I ever saw perform was Phelps, in "The Man of the
+World." If anything could disillusionise a youth regarding the romance
+of the theatre, that play surely would. Be it to my credit that my
+first impression was admiration for a fine--if dull--performance. From
+that day I have been a constant theatre-goer. If I am to believe the
+following anecdote, published in a Dublin paper a few years ago, I "did
+the theatre in style," and had an early taste which I did not possess
+for making jokes.
+
+"The jarvey drove Harry Furniss, when a boy, down to the old Theatre
+Royal, Dublin. On the way there Jehu enquired of the budding artist
+whether it was true that the roof was provided with a tank whence every
+part of the building could be deluged, shower-bath fashion, if
+necessary. 'Yes,' replied Raphael junior; 'and, you see, I always bring
+an umbrella in case of fire.'"
+
+[Illustration: PHELPS, THE FIRST ACTOR I SAW.]
+
+I may confess that I have only once appeared in theatricals, and that
+was in high comedy as a member of the Dublin Amateur Theatrical Society.
+The play was "She Stoops to Conquer," and I took the part
+of--think!--_Mrs._ Hardcastle. I was only seventeen, and very small for
+my age, so I owe any success I may have made to the costumier and
+wig-maker. The Tony Lumpkin was so excellent that he adopted the stage
+as his profession, and became a very popular comedian; and our Diggory
+is now a judge--"and a good judge too"--in the High Court.
+
+It was on a bright, breezy morning late in July, 1873, I shook the dust
+of "dear dirty Dublin" off my feet. With the exception of the Welsh
+railways, the Irish are notoriously the slowest in the world, and on
+that particular morning the mail train seemed to my impatient mind to
+progress pig-ways. The engine was attached to the rear of the train and
+faced the station, so that when it began to pull it was only the
+"parvarsity in the baste" caused it to go in the opposite direction,
+towards Kingstown, in an erratic, spasmodic, and uncertain fashion, so
+that the eight miles journey seemed to me eighty. It was quite a tedious
+journey to Salthill and Blackrock. At the latter station I saw for the
+last time the porter famous for being the slave of habit. For years it
+had been his duty to call out the name of the station, "Blackrock!
+Blackrock! Blackrock!" In due course he was removed to Salthill station,
+on the same line, and well do I remember how he puzzled many a Saxon
+tourist by his calling out continually, "Blackrock--Salthill-I-mane!
+Blackrock--Salthill-I-mane!" No doubt the traveller put this chronic
+absent-mindedness down to "Irish humour." I must confess that I agree in
+a great measure with the opinion of the late T. W. Robertson (author of
+"Caste," "School," &c.), that the witticisms of Irish carmen and others
+are the ingenious inventions of Charles Lever, Samuel Lover, William
+Carleton, and other educated men.
+
+[Illustration: MRS. HARDCASTLE. MR. HARRY FURNISS, FROM AN EARLY
+SKETCH.]
+
+Dickens failed to see Irish humour, or in fact to understand what was
+meant by it. So when he was on tour with his readings a friend of mine,
+who was his host, in the North, undertook to initiate him into the
+mysteries of Irish wit. As a sample he gave Dickens the following: A
+definition of nothing,--a footless stocking without a leg. This conveyed
+nothing whatever to the mind of the greatest of English humourists; but
+when my friend took him to a certain spot and showed him a wall built
+round a vacant space, and explained to him that the native masons were
+instructed to build a wall round an old ruined church to protect it, and
+pulled down the church for the material to build the wall, he laughed
+heartily, and acknowledged the Irish had a sense of humour after
+all,--if not, a quaint absence of it.
+
+To me so-called Irish wit is a curious combination not wholly dependent
+on humour, and frequently unconscious. There is a story that when Mr.
+Beerbohm Tree arrived in Dublin he was received by a crowd of his
+admirers, and jumping on to a car said to his jarvey, "Splendid
+reception that, driver!"
+
+The jarvey thought a moment, and replied, "Maybe ye think so, but
+begorrah, it ain't a patch on the small-pox scare!" Was that _meant_?
+
+The poor Saxon "towrist"--what he may suffer in the Emerald Isle! There
+is a story on record of three Irishmen rushing away from the race
+meeting at Punchestown to catch a train back to Dublin. At the moment a
+train from a long distance pulled up at the station, and the three men
+scrambled in. In the carriage was seated one other passenger. As soon as
+they had regained their breath, one said:
+
+"Pat, have you got th' tickets?"
+
+"What tickets? I've got me loife; I thought I'd have lost that gettin'
+in th' thrain. Have you got 'em, Moike?"
+
+"Oi, begorrah, I haven't."
+
+"Oh, we're all done for thin," said the third. "They'll charge us roight
+from the other soide of Oireland."
+
+The old gentleman looked over his newspaper and said:
+
+"You are quite safe, gintlemen; wait till we get to the next station."
+
+They all three looked at each other. "Bedad, he's a directhor,--we're
+done for now entoirely."
+
+But as soon as the train pulled up the little gentleman jumped out and
+came back with three first-class tickets. Handing them to the astonished
+strangers, he said, "Whist, I'll tell ye how I did it. I wint along the
+thrain--'Tickets plaze, tickets plaze,' I called, and these belong to
+three Saxon towrists in another carriage."
+
+On the morning I left Ireland to seek my fortune in London I had a
+youthful notion that, once on the mainland of my parents' country, St.
+Paul's and the smoke of London would be visible; but we had passed
+through the Menai tunnel, grazed Conway Castle walls, and skirted miles
+of the Welsh rock-bound coast, and yet no St. Paul's was visible to my
+naked eye which was plastered against the window-pane of the carriage.
+The other eye, clothed and in its right mind, inspected the carriage and
+discovered that there were two other occupants--a lady and her maid.
+These interesting passengers had recovered from the effects of the
+Channel passage, and were eating their lunch. The lady politely offered
+me some sandwiches. "No, thanks," I replied; "I shall lunch in London."
+This reminds me of a story I heard when I was in America, of two young
+English ladies arriving at New York. They immediately entered the
+Northern Express at the West Central. About 7 o'clock in the evening
+they arrived at Niagara--half an hour or so is given to the passengers
+to alight and look at the wonderful Falls. The gentleman who told me the
+story informed me that as the two ladies were getting back into the
+carriage he asked them if they were going to dine at once. They,
+ignorant of the vastness of the "gre--e--at country Amuraka," replied,
+"Oh, no, thanks, we are going to dine with our friends when we arrive.
+It can't be long now, we have been travelling so fast all the day!"
+
+"And may I ask, young ladies, where your friends live?"
+
+"We are going to an uncle who has been taken suddenly ill in San
+Francisco."
+
+These young ladies would have had to wait certainly five days for their
+dinner,--I only five hours.
+
+The strange lady and I conversed a great deal on various topics. By
+degrees she discovered that I was a young artist, friendless, and on his
+way to the great city to battle with fortune. I may have told her of my
+history, of my youthful ambitions and my professional plans,--anyway she
+told me of hers, and, while her maid was lazily slumbering, she
+confessed to me her troubles.
+
+"My story," she said, "is a sad one. I am of good family, and I married
+a well-known professional London man. He turned out to be a gambler, and
+ran through my money, and I returned to my parents. I have left them
+this morning again, and, like you, I am now on my way to London to
+start in life, and if possible make my own living. You see my appearance
+is not altogether unprepossessing" (she was tall, singularly handsome, a
+refined woman of style) ... I bowed ... "Well, I am also fortunate in
+having a good voice, it is well-trained, and I am going to London to
+sing as a paid professional in the houses in which I have formerly been
+a guest."
+
+I sympathised with her, and she continued, weeping, to relate to me
+events of her unhappy married life until we arrived at Euston. I saw her
+and her maid into a four-wheeler, and I saw their luggage on the top.
+She gave me her card with her parents' address in London written on it,
+and requested that I would write to her at that address, as she would
+like to hear how I got on in London. I never saw her again. But I did
+write home, and found there was such a lady, her family were well-known
+society people in Ireland, and that her marriage had not been a happy
+one.
+
+After three years in London I ran over to Ireland to see my parents. On
+my return I seemed to miss the charming companion of my journey over the
+same ground three years previously. Two uninteresting men were in the
+carriage: a typical German professor on tour, and communicative; and a
+typical English gentleman, uncommunicative. As the journey was a long
+one the German smoked, ate and drank himself to sleep, and after some
+hours the other man and I exchanged a word. The fact is I thought I knew
+his face,--I told him so. He thought he knew mine. "Had we gone to
+school together?" "No." He was at least ten years my senior. It happened
+he had been to school with my half-brother (my father was married
+twice,--I am the youngest son of his second family). We chatted freely
+about each other's family and on various topics, including the sleeping
+Teuton in the corner. I incidentally mentioned my last journey. The lady
+interested him, so I told him of the way in which she confessed to me. I
+waxed eloquent over her wrongs. He got still more excited as I described
+her husband as she described him to me; and as the train rolled into
+Euston, he said, "Well, you know who I am, I know who you are,--I'll
+tell you one thing more: that woman's story is perfectly true--I'm her
+husband!"
+
+That was one of the most extraordinary coincidences which ever happened
+to me. Three years after meeting the wife, over the same journey, at the
+same time of the year, I meet the husband; and I had never been the
+journey in the meantime.
+
+
+
+
+                               CHAPTER II.
+
+BOHEMIAN CONFESSIONS.
+
+  I arrive in London--A Rogue and Vagabond--Two Ladies--Letters of
+   Introduction--Bohemia--A Distinguished Member--My Double--A Rara
+   Avis--The Duke of Broadacres--The Savages--A Souvenir---Portraits
+   of the Past--J. L. Toole--Art and Artists--Sir Spencer Wells--John
+   Pettie--Milton's Garden.
+
+
+I did not make my appearance in London with merely the proverbial
+half-crown in my pocket, nor was I breathlessly expectant to find the
+streets paved with gold. Thanks chiefly to my savings in Dublin, my
+balance at my bankers' was sufficient to keep me for at least a year,
+and as soon as the editors returned from their summer holidays I was
+fortunate enough to procure commissions, which have been pouring in
+pretty steadily ever since.
+
+[Illustration: CARICATURE OF MYSELF, DRAWN WHEN I FIRST ARRIVED IN
+LONDON.]
+
+It was with a strange feeling that I found myself for the first time in
+London, among four millions of people, with not one of whom I could
+claim acquaintance, and I think it will not be out of place if I here
+offer a hint which may possibly be of use to other young men who are
+placed in similar circumstances. Upon first coming to the metropolis,
+then, let them invariably act, in as much as it is possible, as if they
+were Londoners old and seasoned. To stand gazing at St. Paul's with
+mouth agape and eyes astare, or to enquire your way to the National
+Gallery or Madame Tussaud's, is a sure means of finding yourself ere
+long in the hands of the unscrupulous and designing. For my part, as I
+took my first admiring peep at the masterpiece of Sir Christopher, I
+whistled to myself with an air of nonchalance, and as I passed down
+Fleet Street I made a point of nodding familiarly to the passers-by as
+if I were already a frequent _habitué_ of the thoroughfare of letters.
+Did I find myself accosted by any particularly ingenuous stranger asking
+his way, I always promptly told him to go on as straight as ever he
+could go--a piece of advice which, coming from one so young, I think was
+highly proper and creditable, whatever may have proved its value in some
+cases from a topographical point of view. On the other hand, the
+following incident will serve to show the prudence of exercising due
+caution in addressing strangers oneself.
+
+Upon the evening of my arrival in the big city I had dined at the London
+Restaurant, which was situate at the corner of Chancery Lane and Fleet
+Street, in the premises now occupied by Messrs. Partridge and Cooper
+(the name of this firm must not be taken as an indication of the nature
+of my repast), and, fired with the curiosity of youth, I mounted the
+knifeboard of an omnibus bound for Hyde Park. Arrived at the famous
+statue of Wellington astride the impossible horse which has since ambled
+off to the seclusion of Aldershot, and which at once recalled to my mind
+the inimitable drawings of that infamous quadruped by John Leech, an
+artist who had done as much to familiarise me with London scenes and
+characters with his pencil as had Dickens with the pen, I happened to
+ask a sturdy artisan who was sitting beside me whether this was Hyde
+Park Corner.
+
+"'Ide Park!" he muttered. "'Oo are you a-tryin' ter git at? 'Ide Park!
+None o' yer 'anky panky with me, my covey!"
+
+I forthwith slipped off that 'bus, not a little nettled that the first
+person to whom I had spoken in London should have taken me for a rogue
+and a vagabond.
+
+I had been fortunate enough to secure quarters which had been
+recommended to me in a comfortable boarding-house in one of the
+old-fashioned Inns in Holborn--Thavies' Inn--in which, I was informed,
+whether accurately or not I do not pretend to know, the Knight Templars
+of old had once resided. There were no Knight Templars there when I
+arrived, but in their stead I found some highly-proper and
+non-belligerent clerics with their wives and families, and other
+visitors from the country, who seemed very satisfied with the
+comfortable provision that was made for them. But, best of all, I found
+a hostess who soon became one of the kindest and best of friends I ever
+had, and although I at once engaged a studio in the neighbouring
+artistic quarter of Newman Street, I continued for some time to live in
+Thavies' Inn in the enjoyment of the pleasant society and many
+advantages of her pleasant home.
+
+Not the least of these to me was the perfect gallery of characters who
+were continually coming and going, and the many and various studies I
+made of the different visitors to that boarding-house long supplied me
+with ample material for my sketch-book.
+
+I should be ungallant indeed were I to omit to add that not only was it
+a lady who first made me feel at home amid the bustle and turmoil of
+Modern Babylon, but that it was also a lady who primarily welcomed me as
+a contributor to the Press and gave me my first work in London.
+Curiously enough, both of these ladies possessed points of resemblance,
+not only in person, but in manner and goodness of heart. It was Miss
+Florence Marryat, then editress of _London Society_, who gave me my
+first commission, and I am more anxious to record the fact because I am
+aware that many a youthful journalist besides myself owed his first
+introduction to the public to the sympathy and enterprise of this
+accomplished lady. Perhaps I have less to grumble at personally than
+most others concerning the treatment which, as a young man, I
+experienced at the hands of editors; but I must say that the majority of
+such potentates with whom I then came in contact lamentably lacked that
+readiness to welcome new-comers which Miss Florence Marryat notably, and
+possibly too readily, evinced. Here I may offer a hint to
+beginners--that on coming to London letters of introduction are of
+little or no value. One such letter I possessed, and it led me into
+more trouble, and was the means of my losing more time, than I should
+ever have received recompense for, even if it had obtained me the work
+which it was intended to bring me.
+
+In the first place, these letters often get into the hands of others
+than the particular individuals to whom they are addressed. In my case
+the letter had been inadvertently directed to the literary editor
+instead of to the art editor of one of the largest publishing firms, and
+that gentleman--I refer to the literary editor--was good enough to
+supply me with a quantity of work. I executed the commission, but, lo
+and behold! when I sent the work in, the monster Red Tape intervened in
+the person of the art editor, who became scarlet with rage because he
+had not been invoked instead of his colleague, and promptly repudiated
+the entire contract. Thereupon the literary editor wrote to me saying
+that unless I withdrew my contributions he would be personally out of
+pocket; and it may not be uninteresting to record that some day, when I
+strip this amongst my other mummies, it will be found that he
+subsequently became a wearer of lawn sleeves. Thus, whilst the two
+editors quarrelled between themselves, I was left out in the cold, and
+became a considerable loser over the transaction.
+
+_A propos_ of letters of introduction, I am reminded of a brother
+artist, who, although a caricaturist, was entirely devoid of guile, and,
+in addition, was as absent-minded as the popularly-accepted type of
+ardent scientist or professor of ultra-abstruse subject. Well, this
+curious species of satirist was setting forth on travels in foreign
+climes, and in order to lighten in some measure the vicissitudes
+inseparable from peripatetic wandering, he was provided with a letter of
+introduction to a certain British consul. The writer of this letter
+enclosed it in one to my friend, in which he said that he would find the
+consul a most arrant snob, and a bumptious, arrogant humbug as well--in
+fact, a cad to the backbone; but that he (my friend) was not to mind
+this, for, as he could claim acquaintanceship with several dukes and
+duchesses, all he had to do was to trot out their names for the
+edification of the consul, who would then render him every attention,
+and thus compensate him to some extent for having to come into contact
+with such an insufferable vulgarian. On the return of the guileless
+satirist to England the writer of the letter of introduction inquired
+how he had fared with the consul, and great was his surprise to hear him
+drawl out, in his habitual lethargic manner:
+
+"Well, my dear fellow, he did not receive me very warmly, and he did not
+ask me to dinner. In fact, he struck me as being rather cool."
+
+"Well, you do surprise me!" rejoined his friend. "He's a horrible cad,
+as I told you in my letter, but he's awfully hospitable, and I really
+can't understand what you tell me. You gave him my letter of
+introduction?"
+
+"Well, I thought so," said my friend; "but, do you know, on my journey
+home I discovered it in my pocket-book, so I must have handed him
+instead your note to me about him!"
+
+Of course, in the remarks which I have been making I have not been
+alluding to letters of merely social introduction, which are of an
+entirely different nature. Such letters are generally handed to the
+individual to whom they are addressed at more propitious moments, when
+he is not either hard at work, as the case may be, in his editorial
+chair, or overburdened with anxiety as to the fluctuations of the Bank
+rate.
+
+Be that as it may, I cannot refrain from citing here the case of another
+brother artist, who was particular in the extreme as regarded the
+neatness of his apparel and his personal appearance in general; in fact,
+he laboured, rightly or wrongly, under the impression that the manner in
+which a letter of introduction is received and acted upon by the person
+to whom it is addressed depends upon the raiment and _tout ensemble_ of
+the bearer.
+
+Well, it so happened that he once had a letter of introduction to a man
+he particularly wished to know, but, of all places in the world, fate
+had designed that he should have no choice but to deliver it in the
+boring of the Channel Tunnel, where the dripping roof rendered it
+necessary for all visitors to be encased from head to foot in the vilest
+and most unbecoming tarpaulin overalls. It was in these circumstances,
+then, that the introduction took place, and as nothing came of it, my
+friend will now go to his grave in the firm belief that fine feathers
+make fine birds in the eyes of all those who receive letters of
+introduction.
+
+The first Bohemian Club I joined was located over Gaze's Tourist Offices
+in the Strand. Nearly my first engagement in London was for a still
+flourishing sixpenny weekly. Started in Wellington Street, close by, the
+editorial offices were there certainly, but editor, proprietors, and
+others were not. They were only to be found in "the Club," so through
+necessity I became a member. The flowing bowl of that iniquitous
+concoction, punch, was brewed for the staff early in the afternoon and
+kept flowing till early the next morning. The "Club" never closed day or
+night till the broker's man took possession and closed it for good. I,
+being young and unknown, was surprised to find myself an object of
+attraction whenever I was in the Club. There was something strange about
+me, something mysterious. This was so marked that my brief visits to
+find my editor were few and far between. I discovered afterwards that
+the curiosity and attention paid me had nothing to do with my work, or
+my personal appearance, or my natural shyness or youth. It was aroused
+by the fact that I was known as "the member who had paid his
+subscription!"
+
+[Illustration: AGE 20. [_From a photo. by W. & D. Downey._]]
+
+This fact being noised abroad. I found it an easy matter to get elected
+to another and a better Bohemian Club, having beautiful premises on the
+Adelphi Terrace--a Club which has since gone through many vicissitudes,
+but I think still exists in a small way. At the time I mention it was
+much what the Savage Club is now; in fact, was located in the same
+Terrace. Its smoking concerts, too, were its great attractions, and on
+one of these evenings I played a part worth reciting, if only to
+illustrate how difficult it is for some minds to understand a joke.
+
+[Illustration: A SUCCESSFUL "MAKE-UP."]
+
+A well-known literary man called to see me. On a table in my studio lay
+a "make-up" box--used by actors preparing their faces for the
+footlights--a bald head with fringe of light hair, large fair moustache,
+wig paste, a suit of clothes too large for me, and other trifles. My
+visitor's curiosity was aroused. Taking up my "properties," he asked me
+what they were for. I explained to him a huge joke had been arranged as
+a surprise at the Club smoking concert to take place that very evening,
+in which I was to play a part with a well-known and highly-popular
+member--the funny man of the Club, and an eccentric-looking one to boot.
+He had conceived the idea to make me up as a double of himself. We were
+the same height, but otherwise we in no way resembled each other. He was
+stout, I was thin; he prematurely bald, I enjoyed a superabundance of
+auburn locks; but he had very marked characteristics, and wore very
+remarkable clothes. He was also very clever at "making-up." The idea was
+to test his talent in this direction, and deceive the whole of our
+friends. It was arranged that he was to leave the piano after singing
+half his song, and I--up to that moment concealed--was to come forward
+and continue it. This I explained to my visitor, who expressed his
+belief that the deception was impossible. He promised to keep the
+secret, and that evening was early in the room and seated close to the
+piano. My "double"--fortunately for me, an amateur--sang the first
+verses of one of his well-known songs, but in the middle of it
+complained of the heat of the room (one of those large rooms on the
+first floor in Adelphi Terrace, famous for the Angelica Kaufmann
+paintings on the ceiling), and opening the French window close to the
+piano he went out on to the balcony. There I was, having walked along
+the balcony from the next room. So successful was my "make-up" that in
+passing through the supper-room to get on to the balcony some of the
+members spoke to me under the impression I was the other member! The
+hall-porter had handed me a letter intended for my "double." Of course I
+imitated his walk, his mannerisms at the piano, and his voice, but I
+made a poor attempt to sing. This was the joke. "What was the matter?"
+"Never sang like that before," "Evidently thinks it is funny to be
+completely out of tune," "Hullo, what is this?" as _my_ "double" walked
+through the crowded room just as I finished, and shook hands with me!
+
+I would really have sung the song better, but my eye happened to catch
+the puzzled stare of my friend the literary visitor in the front row. He
+looked angry and annoyed, and before my "double" came up to me, my
+friend, scowling at me, said, "Sir, I think it is infernal bad taste on
+your part to imitate my friend Harry Furniss!"
+
+Who is it that says we English have no sense of humour? My "double" in
+the preceding tale was my brother-in-law, who as a boy was the companion
+of Mr. George Grossmith, and in fact once appeared as an amateur at
+German Reed's, the old Gallery of Illustration, in a piece, with "Gee
+Gee" as his double, entitled "Too much Alike."
+
+He was also an inveterate and clever _raconteur_, and of course
+occasionally made a slip, as for instance, on a railway journey to
+Brighton once, when he found himself alone with a stranger. The stranger
+in conversation happened to ask my relative casually if he were fond of
+travelling. "Travelling? I should rather think so" he replied airily,
+and imagining he was impressing someone who was "something in the City,"
+he continued, "Yes, sir, I'm a pretty experienced traveller. Been mostly
+round the world and all that kind of thing, you know, and had my share
+of adventures, I can tell you!" After a bit he gained more confidence,
+and launched into details, giving the stranger the benefit of his
+experience. "Why, sir, you read in books that hunters of big game, such
+as tigers, watch their eyes. Not a bit of it. What you have got to do
+is to watch the _tail_, and that's the thing. It mesmerises the animal,
+so to speak, and you have him at your mercy," and so forth, and so
+forth. On arriving at the hotel he found his travelling companion had
+just signed his name in the visitors' book. It was Richard Burton! My
+brother-in-law hastened to apologise to Sir Richard for his absurd
+tales. He had no idea, of course, to whom he was retailing his stiff
+yarns. Burton laughed. "My dear sir, not a word, please. I was more
+entertained than I can tell you. You really might have travelled--you
+lie so well!"
+
+[Illustration: TWO TRAVELLERS.]
+
+One of the most eccentric men I ever met, and certainly one of the most
+successful journalists--a _rara avis_, for he made a fortune in Fleet
+Street, and retired to live in a castle in the country--was a man whose
+name, although a very singular one, remains absolutely unknown even to
+members of the Fourth Estate. He was a clever, hard-working journalist;
+every line he wrote--and he was always writing--was printed and
+well-paid for, but he never signed an article, whilst others,
+journalists, specialists, poets, essayists--logrollers of high
+degree--see their name often enough, are "celebrities," "men of the
+time," fêted and written about, but eventually retire on the Civil List.
+Eccentricity is the breath of their nostrils, their very existence
+depends upon it, publicity is essential. My friend's eccentricity was
+for his own pleasure. He lived in a frugal--some might think in a
+miserly way--in two rooms in one of the Inns of Court. Perhaps I shall
+be more correct if I say he _existed_ in one. A loaf of bread and half a
+pint of milk was his daily fare. The room he slept in he worked in. The
+other was empty, save for bundles of dusty old newspapers containing
+articles from his ever active brain. "I keep this room," said he, "for
+times when I am over-wrought. Then I shut myself up in it, and _roar_!
+When by this process I have blown away my mental cobwebs, my brain
+regains its pristine energy, and I go back to my study calm and
+collected, having done no one any harm, and myself a lot of good." I
+have dined at his Club with him in the most luxurious fashion, quite
+regardless of expense. He was a capital host, but, like the magazines he
+wrote for, he only appeared replete once a month. His Press work he
+looked upon as mere bread and milk. His work was excellent, journalism
+which editors term "safe," neither too brilliant nor too dull, certainly
+having no trace whatever of eccentricity.
+
+I may here offer an opinion, and make a suggestion to young journalists,
+and that is--safe, steady, dull mediocrity is what pays in the long run;
+to attempt to be brilliant when not a genius is fatal. To have the
+genius, brilliancy, pluck, and success means tremendous prosperity and
+favour for a time, but the editors and the public tire of your
+cleverness. You are too much in evidence. It is safer from a mere
+business standpoint to be the steady, stupid tortoise than the brilliant
+hare. The man or woman who writes a carefully thought-out essay is
+flattered, and quoted, and talked about: for that article the writer may
+possibly receive as many sovereigns as the writer of a newspaper article
+receives shillings; but the shillings come every day, and the sovereigns
+once a month. It is wiser in the long run to be satisfied with a loaf
+and milk once a day than with a dinner at a Club every four weeks.
+
+If in the old days the Bohemian scribbler was not in Society, he could
+at least imagine himself there. There was nothing to prevent his
+speaking of a member of the aristocracy as "one of us" with far less
+embarrassment and with as much truth as he could nowadays when he _is_
+invited--but still as the oil that never will mix with water. Except in
+imagination--an imagination such as I recollect a well-known figure in
+literary Bohemia had when I knew it well, a writer of stories for the
+popular papers: Society stories, in which a Duke ran away with a
+governess, or a Duchess eloped with an artist, each weekly instalment
+winding up with a sensational event, so as to carry forward the interest
+of the reader. This writer--quite excellent in his way--a thorough
+Bohemian, knowing nothing about the Society he wrote about, had the
+power of making himself, and sometimes fresh acquaintances, believe that
+he played in real life a part in the story he was writing. He did not
+refer to the experiences as related by him as incidents in his story,
+but as actual events of the day.
+
+[Illustration: "THE DUKE OF BROADACRES."]
+
+"Brandy and soda? Thanks. My dear fellow, I feel a perfect wreck, shaken
+to pieces. I had an experience to-day I shall never forget. I have just
+arrived from Devonshire; ran down by a night train to look at a hunter
+Lord Briarrose wanted to sell me. Bob--that is Briarrose--and I
+travelled together. He is going to be married, you know; heiress; great
+beauty--neighbour--rolling in wealth. I stopped at the Castle last
+night, and before Bob was up I was on the thoroughbred and well over the
+country, returning about eleven along the top of the cliffs. To my
+horror, I saw a carriage and pair charging down a road which at one time
+continued a long distance skirting the cliffs. Cliffs had fallen; road
+cut off; unprotected; drop down cliff eight hundred feet on to pointed
+rocks and deep sea. There was nothing between the runaway horses and the
+cliff, except a storm-broken solitary tree with one branch curved over
+the road. When the horses bolted, the groom fell off. There was only a
+lady in the carriage, powerless to stop the frightened steeds dashing on
+to death. As she approached I was electrified. Something told me she was
+Bob's _fiancée_. A moment and I was charging the hunter under that tree.
+Jumping up out of the saddle, I clasped the solitary branch with both
+hands, and turning as an acrobat would on a trapeze, I hung by my legs,
+hands downwards, calling to the lady to clasp them. The fiery steeds and
+the oscillating carriage dashed under me--our hands met. With a
+superhuman effort I raised the fainting fairy form out of the vehicle as
+it passed like a whirlwind. The next moment horses and carriage were
+being dashed to pieces on the rocks below. Under our united weight the
+branch of the tree broke, and we fell unhurt on the moss-covered path.
+When the eyes of the fair lady opened to gaze upon her deliverer, I
+started as if shot. She sprang to her feet. 'Reginald!' she cried. 'Is
+it you?'
+
+"She was my first love. We had not seen each other for years! Thanks.
+I'll have some more brandy. Hot this time, with some sugar, please."
+
+The following week _The London Library_ appeared. I bought it, and read
+"The Duke's Oak," all about Lord Briarrose and Lady Betty Buttercup and
+the runaway horses. The tree with the one branch gave the title to the
+story, and the Dashing Duke of Broadacres was the aristocratic
+acrobat--my friend the author!
+
+[Illustration: FROM A SKETCH BY HERBERT JOHNSON.]
+
+The Savage Club is a remnant of Bohemian London. It was started at a
+period when art, literature, and the drama were at their lowest ebb--in
+the "good old days" when artists wore seedy velveteen coats, smoked
+clays, and generally had their works of art exhibited in pawnbrokers'
+windows; when journalists were paid at the same rate and received the
+same treatment as office-boys; and when actors commanded as many
+shillings a week as they do pounds at present. This typical trio now
+exists only in the imagination of the lady novelist. When first the
+little band of Savages met they smoked their calumets over a
+public-house in the vicinity of Drury Lane, in a room with a sanded
+floor; a chop and a pint of ale was their fare, and good-fellowship
+atoned for lack of funds. The Brothers Brough, Andrew Halliday, Tom
+Robertson, and other clever men were the original Savages, and the
+latter in one of his charming pieces made capital out of an incident at
+the Club. One member asks another for a few shillings. "Very sorry, old
+chap, I haven't got it, but I'll ask Smith." Smith replies, "Not a cent
+myself, but I'll ask Brown." Brown asks Robinson, and so on until a
+Croesus is found with five shillings in his pocket, which he is only
+too willing to lend. But this true Bohemianism is as dead as Queen Anne,
+and the Savages now live merely on the traditions of the past. His
+Majesty the King, when Prince of Wales, was a member of the Club, and an
+Earl takes the chair and entertains my Lord Mayor with his flunkeys and
+all. The Club is now as much advertised as the Imperial Institute, but
+the true old flavour is no more. No doubt some excellent men and good
+fellows are still in the Savage wigwam. Some Bohemians--a sprinkling of
+those Micawbers, "waiting for something to turn up"--keep up its
+reputation, but in reality it is only Savage now in name.
+
+[Illustration: THE EARL OF DUNRAVEN AS A SAVAGE.]
+
+I was not thirty when I ceased to be a member. I had been on the
+committee, and had taken an active part in matters concerning it, until
+it changed its character and lost its true Bohemian individuality, and
+being a member of the Garrick Club, I found matured in it the element
+the Savage endeavoured at that time to emulate. Although I am still in
+my forties, few of those with whom I smoked the calumet of peace round
+the camp fire at a great pow-wow in the wigwam of the excellent Savages,
+alas! remain.
+
+The old Grecian Theatre in the City Road was the nursery of many members
+of the theatrical profession, and authors too. Two well-known members
+of the Savage Club, Merritt and Pettitt, were writers of the common
+stuff necessary for the melodramas of the kind connected with their
+names. Merritt would have made an equal fortune if exhibited as the
+original fat boy in "Pickwick," or as a prize baby at a show. I suppose
+my readers are aware that it is not necessary to be a baby in order to
+be exhibited as one, for I recollect, in my Bohemian days, going down to
+Woolwich Gardens when the famous William Holland was manager of them,
+and accidentally strolling into a tent outside of which was a placard,
+"The Largest Baby in the World! 6d." I was not expected,--and the "Baby"
+was walking about in his baby-clothes, with little pink bows on his
+shoulders, smoking a horrible black clay pipe. He was the dwarf
+policeman in Holland's pantomime in the winter-time!
+
+[Illustration: "ANOTHER GAP IN OUR RANKS."]
+
+Merritt would have made a capital prize baby. He was tall, very stout,
+and possessed of a perfectly hairless, baby's face and a squeaky little
+voice. I shall never forget a prize remark this transpontine author made
+in the Savage Club, when an editor rushed in and said, "Have you heard
+the news? Carlyle is dead!" Merritt rose, and putting his hand on his
+chest, squeaked out, "Another gap in our ranks!"
+
+[Illustration: "JOPE."]
+
+A peculiar figure in Bohemia in those old days was "J." Pope, known as
+"Jope," brother of the late celebrated K.C. Jo was nearly as large as
+his brother, the well-known legal luminary, and Paul Merritt rolled into
+one, and wore his black wide-awake on the back of his pleasing,
+intelligent head. I saw him one sultry autumn evening leaning against a
+lamp-post in Chancery Lane to take breath.
+
+"Hullo, Pope, where are you going?"
+
+"My dear boy, let me lean on you a minute. I'm going up to the
+Birkbeck--to lecture--to lecture on 'Air, and How We Breathe!'"
+
+As a contrast to the popular Doctor was a wit more popularly known, H. J.
+Byron--as thin as the proverbial lamp-post. Of course the stories about
+Byron would fill a volume, but there is one that is always worth
+repeating, and that is his reply to a vulgar and obtrusive stranger who
+met him at Plymouth, and said to him, "Mr. Byron, I've 'ad a walk _h_all
+round the 'Oe."
+
+"Yes, old chap, and the next time you have a walk I advise you to walk
+all round the H."
+
+[Illustration: H. J. BYRON.]
+
+In those merry gatherings I recall the familiar features of true
+Bohemians, when Bohemianism was at its best--not the ornamental names of
+those one finds mentioned in all reports of the famous gatherings, but
+of the members who really used and made the Club. Few of the outside
+public recollect, for instance, the name of Arthur Mathieson, who wrote
+and sang that pathetic ballad, "The Little Hero"; who also was an actor
+and writer of ability,--in fact, he was what is fatal to men of his
+class--a veritable Crichton. Being in appearance not unlike Sir Henry
+Irving, he was engaged by our leading actor to play his double in "The
+Corsican Brothers," and made up so like his chief that no one could
+possibly tell the difference between the two. One evening during the run
+of the piece an old Irishwoman who was duster of the theatre, and with
+whom the genial double of Sir Henry often had a friendly word,
+approached as she thought the familiar M., and in a rather frivolous
+mood innocently tickled the actor under the chin with her dusting-broom.
+
+"My good woman, what do you mean?"
+
+The poor Irishwoman dropped on her knees, clasped her hands and said,
+"The Saints protect me! it's the Masther himself--I'm kilt entoirely."
+
+The "Masther," however, probably enjoyed the humour of it. Sir Henry,
+like his dear old friend Mr. J. L. Toole, has found a relief in
+occasional harmless fun. Toole, however, was irrepressible.
+
+[Illustration: A PRESENTATION.]
+
+I was one day walking with him in Leeds (when he was appearing in the
+evening on the stage, and I on the platform). A street hawker proffered
+the comedian a metal pencil-case for the sum of a halfpenny. Toole made
+this valuable purchase. As soon as I left the platform that night, I
+found a note for me, inviting me to the theatre directly after the
+performance. Toole came back on to the stage, and making me an elaborate
+and complimentary speech, referring to me as "a brother artist in
+another sphere," etc., etc., presented me with the pencil! I made an
+appropriate reply, and we went to supper.
+
+The following paragraph from the pen of Mr. Toole appeared in the Press
+the next day in London as well as the provinces:
+
+"Brother artists, even when working in different grooves, do not lack
+appreciation of each other's work. After Mr. Harry Furniss's lecture in
+Leeds the other night, he and Mr. Toole foregathered; and the popular
+and genial actor presented the 'comedian of the pencil' with a very neat
+and handsome pencil-case, just adapted for the jotting down, wherever
+duty takes him, of those graphic sketches with which the caricaturist
+amuses us week by week."
+
+I must confess I am sometimes guilty of mild practical jokes, but I am
+always careful to select reciprocative and kindred spirits--with such a
+spirit of practical joking as J. L. Toole, for instance. He and I have
+had many a joke at each other's expense. It so happened that when he was
+producing the great success, "The House Boat," he wintered at Hastings,
+where I had a house for the season, and we saw a great deal of each
+other. Toole was always what is called a bad study--that is, it was with
+great difficulty and pain he learnt his parts. On this occasion the time
+was drawing nearer and nearer for the production; he was getting more
+and more nervous about his new part, and I received a visit from his
+friend the late Edmund Routledge, asking me to protect "Johnny" from his
+friends--in other words, to keep his whereabouts dark, as he had to
+study. Toole had had one or two little practical jokes with me, which I
+owed him for, so having to rush up to town, I had the following letter
+written to him:
+
+  "DEAR MR. TOOLE,--I suppose you recollect your old friends in Smoketown
+when you performed one night at our Hall and did us the honour of
+stopping at our house over Sunday. You then kindly asked us all to stop
+with you when we went to London--a promise we have treasured ever since.
+We called at Maida Vale yesterday, but finding you were at Hastings I
+write now to say that we are on our way. Besides myself I am bringing
+dear Aunt Jane you will remember--now unfortunately a confirmed
+invalid--and my boy Tom who has got a bad leg, and Uncle William and his
+three daughters, and my dear Sue, who, I am sorry to say, is still
+suffering, but I think a week at Hastings will do us all a world of
+good--particularly to have you to amuse us all the time.
+
+                                                     "Yours very truly,"
+
+And a signature was attached which I could not myself read.
+
+The next day in London a hansom pulled up close to where I was walking,
+and a friend of Toole's jumped out, and, seizing my hand, he said, "I
+say, Furniss, you travel about a lot, lecturing and all that kind of
+thing--do you know Smoketown?"
+
+[Illustration: SAVAGE CLUB.
+               MY DESIGN FOR THE MENU 25TH ANNIVERSARY DINNER.
+_The Original Drawing was by request presented to His Royal Highness._]
+
+"Smoketown!" I said, "Smoketown!" (Truth to tell, at the moment I had
+quite forgotten all about my letter to Toole; then it dawned upon me.)
+"Oh, yes--well," I said; "I had one night there, and some frightful
+friends of Toole's bored my life out. He had invited them, I believe, to
+stop with him in London, and they--"
+
+"Just the people I want. What's their name?"
+
+"I forget that entirely."
+
+"Can you read this?" he said, producing my letter.
+
+"No," I said; "I can't read that signature."
+
+"Do you know where they are likely to put up in town?"
+
+"Not the slightest idea."
+
+"I've tried every hotel in London."
+
+"Temperance?" I asked.
+
+"No, not one. Happy thought!--of course that is where they'll be."
+
+"Try them all," I said, as I waved my hand. And off the cab rushed to
+visit the various temperance hotels in London.
+
+The next day I returned to Hastings, and went straight to Mr. Toole's
+hotel. Getting the hall porter into my confidence, he sent up a message
+to Mr. Toole that a gentleman with a large family had arrived to see
+him; and the porter and I made the noise of ten up the stairs, and
+eventually the gentleman and family were announced at Toole's door. I
+shall never forget poor Toole, standing in an attitude so familiar to
+the British public, with his eye-glass in his hand and his eyes cast on
+the ground--he was afraid to raise them. As soon as he did, however, his
+other hand caught the first book that was handy, and it was flung at my
+head.
+
+Bohemianism, when I arrived in London, was emigrating from the tavern of
+sanded floors and clay pipes into Clubland. Artists, authors, actors,
+and journalists were starting clubs of their own, simply to continue the
+same pot-house life without restraint; in place of turning the
+public-house into a club, they turned the club into a public-house. If
+journalists in Grub Street were at their worst in those days, artists
+were at their best. The great boom in trade which followed the
+Franco-German War produced a wave of extraordinary prosperity, which
+landed many a tramp struggling in troubled waters safely on the beach of
+fortune. Working men in the North were drinking champagne; some of them
+rose to be masters and millionaires. They tired of drinking champagne,
+they could not play the pianos they had bought, or enjoy the mansions
+they had built; but they could rival each other in covering their walls
+with pictures, so the poorest "pot-boiler" found a ready sale. The most
+indifferent daubs were sold as quickly as they could be framed. Artists
+then built their mansions, drank champagne, and played on their grand
+pianos. When I, still in my teens, first met these good fellows, I might
+have been tempted, seeing what wretched work satisfied the
+picture-dealer, to abandon black and white for colour; but already the
+boom was over. Artists, like their patrons, had found out their mistake.
+They had either to let or sell their costly houses, and have, with few
+exceptions, little to show now for those wonderful days of prosperity in
+the early seventies--which they still talk over in their clubs in
+Bohemia.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The few exceptions are the survival of the fittest. But the best of
+artists have never seen such a boom in art as that I saw in my early
+days in London. It cannot be denied that, from a fashionable point of
+view, picture shows are going down. Artists have had to stand on one
+side as popular Society favourites: the actors have taken their place.
+One has only to visit the studios on "Show Sundays" to see what a
+falling off there is. "Show Sunday" was, some years ago, one of the
+events of the year. From Kensington to St. John's Wood, and up to
+Hampstead, the studios of the mighty attracted hosts of fashionable
+people to these annual gatherings.
+
+A familiar figure at these for many years was the genial Sir Spencer
+Wells, the well-known surgeon. He lived monarch of all he surveyed at
+Golder's Hill, Hampstead, and many a morning I met him when riding, and
+we jogged into town together. He was a capital _raconteur_, a happy wit,
+and told one incident I always recall to mind as I pass a house on the
+top of Fitzjohn's Avenue, where a few years ago lived, painted and
+"received" that Wilson Barrett of the brush, Edwin Long, R.A., a
+hard-working, self-made artist who amassed a fortune by successfully
+gauging the taste of the large middle-class English public in mixing
+religion with voluptuous melodrama. On the annual "Show Sunday" no
+studio was more popular than Long's. His subjects perhaps had something
+to do with it. They were in keeping with the Sabbath. The work too was
+as smooth and as highly finished as the most orthodox sermon. _Ars longa
+est._ Yes, said some cynic, but art is not Long. But anyway Long's art
+was commercially successful, and he was what is known as "a good
+business man."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+As haberdashers in the days of crude advertising used to place men in
+costume at the shop door--a fireman when they were selling off a damaged
+salvage stock, or a sailor or, if a _very_ enterprising tradesman, a
+diver, helmet and all, when selling off goods damaged from a wreck--so
+did this Academician, when exhibiting Biblical subjects on "Show
+Sunday," engage a Nubian model to stand at the door of his shop. This
+man had also to announce the names of the guests, and when the small,
+spectacled, simple man with the large smile gave his name, Sir Spencer
+Wells, the model pulled himself up to his full height and in his best
+English proudly and loudly announced to the crowd in the studio--
+
+"The Prince of Wales!"
+
+The effect was magical: all fell in line, ladies curtseyed, men bowed,
+when the Prince of Hampstead Heath entered. The artist looked as black
+as his model, and the visitors laughed.
+
+At the other end of Fitzjohn's Avenue once lived that ever popular
+Academician, the late Mr. John Pettie. Mr. Pettie was a vigorous
+draughtsman and a beautiful colourist, and many of his portraits are
+very fine. He seemed to revel in painting a red coat--an object to many
+painters as maddening as it is to the infuriated bull. On one "Show
+Sunday" before the sending-in day of the Royal Academy, at which he
+exhibited, I recollect admiring a portrait of Mr. Lamb, the celebrated
+golfer, in his red coat, when the original of the portrait came into the
+studio. Not feeling very well, Mr. Pettie had to avoid the crowd of his
+admirers seeing him. There were a few exceptions, of which I was one. I
+had just left him when I saw Mr. Lamb before his picture. In this
+portrait the "bulger" golf club--which Mr. Lamb, I believe, invented, to
+the delight of the golfing world--is introduced. I ran back to Mr.
+Pettie and told him that there was a stupid man in the studio wanting to
+know why artists always draw golf clubs wrongly; that as a Scotchman he
+must protest against such a club, which was out of shape, like a club
+foot. "Tell him, mon, it's a bulger--Lamb's invention!" I returned. "He
+wants to know who Mr. Lamb is, and what is a bulger?--perhaps it's a new
+kind of hunting-crop and not a golf club at all?" In rushed Mr. Pettie,
+like an enraged lion, to slay the ignorant visitor, but in reality to
+shake hands with Mr. Lamb and explain my childish joke.
+
+Leaving Pettie, I called at a studio near Hampstead occupied by a very
+clever Irish artist, who was very much depressed when I entered. Gazing
+in bewilderment at his picture for the Academy, representing Milton with
+his daughters in his garden at Chalfont St. Giles, he said--
+
+"Furniss, I'm in an awful state entoirely over this picture. One of
+those critic fellows has been in here, and he tells me this picture
+won't do at all at all. I've painted in Milton's garden as I've seen it,
+but the critic tells me that these are all modern flowers and weren't
+known in the country in the poet's time. Now, what on earth am Oi to
+do?"
+
+"Oh, don't bother about those critics," I said. "They know nothing.
+Milton was blind, don't you know, so how could he tell whether the
+flowers were correct or not?"
+
+"Begorrah, Furniss, you're right. Oi never thought of that. It's just
+like those ignorant critic chaps to upset a fellow in this way."
+
+
+
+
+                             CHAPTER III.
+
+MY CONFESSIONS AS A SPECIAL ARTIST.
+
+[Illustration: DISTRESS IN THE BLACK COUNTRY. _Acting as Special Artist
+for The Illustrated London News._]
+
+  The Light Brigade--Miss Thompson (Lady Butler)--Slumming--The Boat
+   Race--Realism--A Phantasmagoria--Orlando and the Caitiff--Fancy Dress
+   Balls--Lewis Wingfield--Cinderella--A Model--All Night Sitting--An
+   Impromptu Easel--"Where there's a Will there's a Way"--The American
+   Sunday Papers--I am Deaf--The Grill--The World's
+   Fair--Exaggeration--Personally Conducted--The Charnel House--10,
+   Downing Street--I attend a Cabinet Council--An Illustration by Mr.
+   Labouchere--The Great Lincolnshire Trial--Praying without Prejudice.
+
+[Illustration: AT THE OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE BOAT RACE. (_Reduction of
+Large Drawing._)]
+
+
+Sir William Russell and I were called upon at a banquet in the City to
+respond to the toast of the Press. Sir William made one of his
+characteristic, graceful little speeches, reminiscential and modest.
+When I rose I was for a moment also reminiscential--but not modest. "My
+Lord Mayor, Sheriffs, and Masters of this Worshipful Company,--I
+appreciate the appropriateness in coupling my name with that of Sir
+William Russell, for both of us have made a noise in the world at the
+same time--Dr. Russell with his first war letters to the _Times_, and I
+in my cradle, for I came into this troubled world while others in arms
+were making a noise in the Crimea."
+
+[Illustration: AS SPECIAL AT THE BALACLAVA CELEBRATION.]
+
+Naturally for this reason I have always taken an interest in the doings
+of that time; so it was quite _con amore_ that I acted as "special" at
+the first Balaclava Celebration Banquet (1875), twenty years after
+"Billy" Russell's first war letters and my first birthday.
+
+The roll-call on the occasion was funny, seeing that it was that of the
+"Light Brigade"--some were "light" and many were heavy--one I recollect
+was about eighteen stone. The banquet was held in the Alexandra Palace,
+Muswell Hill. The visitors, except the military--past or present--were
+shamefully treated. We had to stand all the time behind the chairs and
+wearily watch a scene not altogether elevating to lookers-on. We were
+not allowed a chair to sit on, nor any refreshment of any kind--not even
+if we paid for it; and I well recollect how hungry I was when I returned
+to my studio after a tedious journey at 1 in the morning, having had
+nothing to eat since 1 of the previous day. Such Red Tape was, I
+suppose, to illustrate the disgraceful arrangements of the commissariat
+in the Crimea! I was standing close to Miss Thompson (Lady Butler), who
+had just become famous by her picture "The Roll Call." She was making
+notes, and possibly intended painting a sequel to her celebrated
+picture. She was exhausted and tired, and no doubt too disgusted by such
+ungallant conduct on the part of the organisers of the banquet to touch
+the subject. Had she painted this particular roll-call I fear many of
+the figures would have had to be drawn out of the perpendicular.
+
+Twenty years before one of the heroes was, possibly, a better and a
+wiser man, and tackled the "Rooshins" with greater dexterity than he
+displayed on this occasion in managing a jelly. He had waiters to right
+of him, waiters to left of him, and waiters behind him, but that jelly
+defeated him, although he charged it with fork, spoon, and finally with
+fingers.
+
+From a very early age it was naturally my ambition to be introduced to
+Mr. Punch, but this was not to be just yet, and the first London paper
+for which I drew regularly was the _Illustrated Sporting and Dramatic
+News_, which was started soon after I arrived in London. I continued to
+work for it until it was bought by the proprietor of the _Illustrated
+London News_, when I became a large contributor to that leading
+illustrated paper.
+
+Most of my work for the _Illustrated London News_ consisted of single
+and double pages of character sketches, in which Eton and Harrow cricket
+matches, Oxford and Cambridge boat races, tennis meetings, the Lawn at
+Goodwood, and many other scenes of English life were treated
+pictorially; but I also acted sometimes in the capacity of a special
+correspondent, and this duty sometimes took me into places far from
+pleasant.
+
+[Illustration: DISTRESS IN THE NORTH. _Page (reduction), "Illustrated
+London News." Republished by permission of the proprietors._]
+
+On my twenty-fourth Christmas, the year after I was married, I recollect
+having to start off upon such a mission to the North of England, where,
+owing to strikes and labour disputes, most distressing scenes were
+taking place. Throwing myself into the work, I thoroughly ferreted out
+the distress which prevailed, pursuing my investigations into the very
+garrets of the poor starving creatures whose privacy I thus disturbed at
+the entreaty and under the escort of the district visitors and other
+benevolent people, whilst the criminal classes also came in for a share
+of my observation, which in this case was conducted under the sheltering
+wing of a detective.
+
+I cannot, however, say that my energy met with its due reward, for such
+was the realism with which I had treated the subject allotted to me
+that the editor and proprietors of the _Illustrated London News_ were
+reluctant to shock the susceptibilities of their readers by presenting
+them with such scenes, and I had to substitute for them sketches of soup
+kitchens, committee meetings and refuges. That the editorial decision
+was not a sound one was amply proved a few years later, when during a
+somewhat similar crisis Mr. G. R. Sims and the late Mr. Fred Barnard
+published work of a similar breadth and boldness with signal effect.
+
+Visiting slums, seeing death from want and misery on all sides, is
+certainly not the most pleasant way of spending the festive season. In
+company with detectives, clergymen, or self-sacrificing district
+visitors, you may swallow the pill with the silver on; but try it
+single-handed, and it is a very different affair. I was taken for some
+demon rent-collector prowling about, and was peered at through broken
+windows and doors, and received with language warm enough to thaw the
+icicles. The sketches I made during the weeks I spent in the haunts of
+want and misery would have made a startling volume, but time and money
+were thrown away, and only the perfunctory pictures were published. The
+public have no idea, or seldom think, of the great trouble and expense
+incurred in faithfully depicting everyday scenes. Still, it is not
+possible for a "special" even to see everything, or to be in two places
+simultaneously; and consequently, in ordinary pictorial representations,
+dummy figures are frequently looked upon as true portraits. One boat
+race, for example, is very much like another. Some years ago I executed
+a panoramic series of sketches of the University Race from start to
+finish, and as they were urgently wanted, the drawings had to be sent in
+the same day. Early in the morning, before the break of fast, I found
+myself at Putney, rowing up to Mortlake, taking notes of the different
+points on the way--local colour through a fog. Getting home before the
+Londoners started for the scene, I was at work, and the drawings--minus
+the boats--were sent in shortly after the news of the race. The figures
+were imaginary and unimportant, but one correspondent wrote to point out
+the exact spot where he stood, and complained of my leaving out the
+black band on his white hat, and placing him too near a pretty girl,
+adding that his wife, who had not been present, had recognised his
+portrait.
+
+Yes, I must confess, one has often to draw upon the imagination even in
+serious "realism," Some years ago I went with a colleague of the pen to
+illustrate and describe the dreadful scenes which were said to take
+place in St. James's Park, where the poor people were seen to sleep all
+night on the seats. We arrived about 2 A.M. It was a beautiful moonlight
+night, but though we walked up and down for hours not a soul came in
+sight. My companion said, "It's a bad business; we cannot do anything
+with this." I replied, "We must not go away without something to show;
+now if you will lie down I will make a sketch of you, and then I will
+lie down and you can describe me."
+
+[Illustration: REALISM!]
+
+One of the most "uncanny" experiences I ever had as a "special" I find
+graphically described by the late Hon. Lewis Wingfield, who accompanied
+me on the strange mission.
+
+[Illustration: "THE CAITIFF" AND ORLANDO.]
+
+"Winter without. Snow. A sea of billows drifting across the sky,
+glittering, frosted--a symphony in metals--silver, aluminium,
+lead--rendered buoyant for the nonce, ethereal--as though the world were
+really gone Christmas mad, and, having a sudden attack of topsy-turvydom
+in its inside, had taken to showering its treasures about the firmament,
+instead of keeping them snugly put away in mines below ground. A sheet
+of snow, and bitter white rain driving still. A huge building looming
+black, its many eyes staring into the dark--lidless, bilious, vacant.
+This is a hospital. Or is it a factory, disguised with a veneer of the
+Puginesque? Or an æsthetic barrack? Or an artistic workhouse? Visible
+yet, under falling snow which has not had time to cover them, are
+flower-beds, shrub-plots, meandering walks. Too genteel and ambitious
+for the most æsthetic of workhouses or advanced of hospitals, we
+wonder what the building is; and our wonder is not decreased by seeing a
+postern opened in a huge black wall, from which a handful of
+conspirators creep silently. We rub our eyes. Are we dreaming? Is this,
+or is it not, the age of scientific marvels, levelling of castes,
+rampant communism, murder, agrarian outrage, sudden massacre?--the _olla
+podrida_ which we are pleased to denominate enlightenment? That first
+black figure is James the Second. Heavens! The Jacobites live yet, and
+will join, doubtless, with the Fenians and Mr. Bradlaugh, and a _posse
+comitatus_ of iconoclasts, to upset the reign of order, and add a thorn
+to the chaplet of our hard-run Premier. James the Second. Not a doubt of
+it. There he is--periwig, black velvet, and bugles. Where, oh where, is
+the Great Seal, with which he played ducks and drakes in the Thames? Yet
+no. This is no Jacobite plot, for His Majesty is followed by no troop of
+partisans on tiptoe in hose and doublet. He is not seeking to win his
+own again. A woodman trudges behind--we recognise him, for his name's
+"Orlando"--(Wingfield himself, in a beautiful costume, which he had made
+two years previously when playing the part of Orlando in a production of
+"As You Like It" in Manchester, the Calvert Memorial performance; Miss
+Helen Faucit (Lady Martin), Rosalind; Herman Merivale, Touchstone; Tom
+Taylor, Adam; and other well-known celebrities assisting). Then he
+describes me: "A muffled creature of sinister aspect. Short,
+auburn-locked, extinguished by a portentous hat, tripping and stumbling
+over a cloak, or robe, in whose dragging folds he conceals his identity
+as well as his power of volition, a weird and gruesome phantom.
+What--oh what--is this hovering ghost? He must be just defunct, for the
+purgatorial garments fit him not, he stumbles at every step, and when he
+trips an underdress is unveiled that's like a City waiter's. What is
+he--the arch conspirator--doing himself? He starts, tries to conceal a
+book, but we snatch it from him. Sketches! lots of sketches!
+caricatures, low and vulgar portraits of ourselves! 'What are you?' we
+scream, 'and why this orgy? Speak, caitiff, or for ever hold your
+peace!'
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Perceiving that we are in earnest and not to be trifled with, and glare
+with forbidding mien, the caitiff speaks in trembling accents. 'If you
+please,' he says, 'I'm the artist from the great illustrated journal;
+I'm drawing pictures of the lunatics. My disguise is beyond my own
+control, and trips me up, but I'm told it's becoming.' 'Lunatics!' we
+echo.
+
+"'Yes,' the caitiff murmurs. 'This is the annual fancy dress ball at
+Brookwood Asylum. You and I and the doctors and attendants are the only
+sane people in the place. By-and-by the country gentry will be admitted,
+and then the tangle will be hopeless, for even in everyday life it's
+impossible to know who's mad and who isn't. How much more here?'
+
+"We left the trembling caitiff to his secret sketching, and the
+despondency produced by his appearance. He was sane, was he? Then in him
+were we revenged on human nature, for sure never was mortal more
+oppressed by his gear and his surroundings."
+
+The fact is that my editor, in sending his "young man," omitted to say
+that the invitation was crossed with "fancy dress only," so I arrived in
+ordinary war-paint. The Doctor was horrified. "This will never do. My
+patients will resent it. You _must_ be in fancy dress." All my host
+could find was a seedy red curtain and an old cocked hat (had it been a
+nightcap I should have been complete as Caudle). I wrapped this martial
+cloak around me, and soon found myself in the most extraordinary scene,
+so graphically described by Wingfield. He was not alone in his scorn
+for me. The "Duke of York" had a great contempt for my appearance, but
+when introduced to him as His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales, he
+unbent, waved his bauble, and commanded me to be seated. The visitors
+eyed me suspiciously all the evening, and on my entering the
+supper-room, accompanied by the Doctor, they were seized with the idea
+that I must be a very dangerous case, and readily made room--in fact,
+made off. One of the poor patients was an artist, and showed me his
+sketch-book, the work of many, many months--a number of drawings in
+colour, stuck one on top of the other, resembling an elongated
+concertina, so that only the corners of the pages could be seen. The
+patients wore costumes designed and made by themselves, in marked
+contrast to their stylish keepers. Among the guests the county families
+were well represented, and garrison officers from a neighbouring depôt
+formed a motley group which a looker-on, viewing the scene as in a
+kaleidoscope, would laugh at. One turn, and the next moment some
+incident might occur which an imaginative brain could easily work into a
+romance too touching to relate.
+
+For some years I had quite a run of fancy dress balls, a craze at that
+time, acting as special artist for various periodicals, the _Illustrated
+London News_ in particular. The ball above recorded was unique, but
+there is very little variety in such gatherings, where variety is the
+one thing aimed at, thus showing the limit of our English artistic
+invention. The ingredients of a ball of three hundred, say, would be as
+follows,--Thirty Marie Stuarts, ten Marguerites, twenty-eight Fausts,
+fifty Flower Girls, nine Portias, three Clowns, sixteen Matadores,
+thirty Sailors, twenty-five Ophelias, twenty-five Desdemonas, the
+remainder uniforms and nondescripts. Of course any popular figure,
+picture or play of the moment will be represented. When the relief of
+Mafeking took place, the number of Baden-Powells, tall, short, young,
+old, thin and stout, in the various fancy balls and bazaars appearing
+will be, as newspaper leader-writers say, "a fact fresh in the mind of
+the reader." Some years ago a portrait of the "missing Gainsborough," a
+picture of the Duchess of Devonshire, which mysteriously vanished from
+Agnew's gallery in Bond Street, was represented in dozens at the fancy
+balls of the period, and the Gilbert-Sullivan opera "Patience," supplied
+many a costume. My brother "special" on this occasion--Lewis
+Wingfield--was a Crichton of eccentricity. The son of an Irish peer, an
+officer in the Guards, he dressed as a ballet-girl and danced on the
+stage; was a journalist and wrote for Charles Dickens when that great
+novelist edited _Household Words_. Wingfield never did anything by
+halves, so in writing a series of articles for Dickens on the casual
+wards of London he personated a street photographer (having delicate
+hands he could not pretend to be a labourer), and wrote his experiences
+of the dreadful state of affairs existing in those days under the rule
+of Bumbledom. The last he sought relief at was situated close to Golden
+Square. Here he was very harshly treated, and when he left he rapidly
+changed into his usual clothes, drove up to the establishment as one of
+the life patrons (all his family had for years supported the charity),
+and had the satisfaction of dismissing the overbearing overseer, to the
+wretch's chagrin. Wingfield related this incident with great glee.
+
+[Illustration: AT A FANCY DRESS BALL.]
+
+Anxious to find out the amount niggers made on the Derby Day, he decided
+to go as a burnt-cork nigger himself; but it is impossible to do this
+unless you are of that ilk, for like the business of the beggars and
+street performers, everything is properly organised; there is a proper
+system and superintendent to arrange matters. After some difficulty he
+managed to get introduced as the genuine article, and at 4 in the
+morning had to stand with the other Ethiopian minstrels at "Poverty
+Junction," between Waterloo Bridge and Waterloo Station, while lots were
+drawn for positions on the course. As luck would have it, Wingfield drew
+a pitch opposite the Grand Stand, where at least he would be among his
+own acquaintances. All the niggers had to walk to Epsom, unless it
+happened some friendly carter could be induced to offer a seat. Had
+four-in-hands come along Wingfield might have been saved a walk, but
+costers were to him unknown. By lunch-time he was heartily sick of his
+new life. However, he was determined to carry it through. In the
+evening, after his long, hot day's work, he found he had to wait for the
+policeman's train. After the half-million people had returned to London,
+he was allowed to crawl into a carriage, and being thoroughly tired he
+fell asleep in a corner of the compartment. But the police wanted some
+entertainment, and waking him up, said:
+
+"Now then, darky, tune up! we can pay you as well as the toffs; let's
+have a song!" They had a concert all the way, Wingfield singing the
+solos. The hat was sent round and a collection made, and to the bitter
+end Wingfield had to bang away at his banjo and squeak with what little
+voice he had left. This nearly finished him. Arriving at Victoria, he
+hailed a hansom. One driver after another eyed him scornfully and passed
+on. He then for the first time realised that it is not a customary thing
+for an itinerant nigger to drive about London in hansoms, even on Derby
+Day. So he dragged himself wearily along the streets until he happened
+to meet an intimate friend. To him he explained matters, and his friend
+called a hansom for him and paid the driver as well before he would take
+up his dusky fare. He thought the fact of his driving a street nigger a
+great joke, and made merry over his passenger as he passed the other
+drivers. But he was very much astonished when he drove up in front of
+quite an imposing dwelling and saw the door opened by a footman as the
+nigger toiled up the steps.
+
+[Illustration: LEWIS WINGFIELD AS A STREET NIGGER HOME FROM THE DERBY.]
+
+As an artist Wingfield was ambitious. Finding, as he told me, that he
+could never be a great artist, he preferred not to be one at all. On his
+walls were large classic paintings, not likely ever to find their way to
+the walls of anyone else. But he tried his hand at popular art as well.
+A scene in a circus, for instance, was one subject. A pretty little
+child was engaged to sit in his studio, but as that day he was going to
+Hengler's Circus to paint the background he, to the delight of the
+child, took her with him. The little girl played about in the ring, and
+was noticed by Mr. Hengler, who asked her if she would like to be
+dressed up and play in the same ring at night. This led to the child
+becoming a professional. She enchanted everyone as Cinderella. Her name
+was Connie Gilchrist. I fell in love with her myself when I was in my
+teens and first saw her as Cinderella. Afterwards when I came to London
+I was as ignorant as a Lord Chief Justice as to who Connie Gilchrist
+was; but I recollect a model sitting to me recommending my writing to
+her younger sister for some figures she thought her sister would suit.
+The day was fixed, but by the morning's post I received a letter from
+the young lady to say that Mr. Hollingshead, of the Gaiety Theatre, had
+sent for her, and she could not sit to me. She was Connie Gilchrist, and
+I believe this was the last engagement she had accepted as a
+professional model.
+
+Telegram from the editor of the _Illustrated London News_:--"Election,
+Liverpool, see to it at once." So I did. On arriving in the evening, I
+rushed off to a "ward meeting," To my surprise the artist of a rival
+paper sat down beside me. He did not frighten me away, but candidly
+confessed that he had seen a private telegram of mine saying I was
+starting, and his editor packed him off by the same train. Ha! I must be
+equal to him! I sat up all night and drew a page on wood, ready for
+engraving, and sent it off by the first train in the morning. It was in
+the press before my rival's rough notes left Liverpool. One would hardly
+think, to see candles stuck in my boots, that the hotel was the Old
+Adelphi. I trust the "special" of the future will find the electric
+light, or a better supply of bedroom candlesticks. All day again
+sketching, and all night hard at work, burning the midnight oil (I was
+nearly writing boots). A slice of luck kept me awake in the early
+morning. A knock at my door, and to my surprise a friend walked in who
+had come down by a night train for a "daily" and seeing my name in the
+visitors' book had looked me up, thinking I could give him some "tips."
+"All right," I said; "a bargain: you sit for me and I'll talk. Here,
+stand like this"--the Liberal candidate. "Capital! Now round like
+this"--the Conservative. "Drawn from life! And after another day of this
+kind of thing, I reached home without having had an hour's sleep. Oh! a
+"special's" life is not a happy one.
+
+[Illustration: AN ALL-NIGHT SITTING.]
+
+Great political excitement, there is no doubt, turns men's heads. Once I
+recollect finding a most dignified provincial politician in this state,
+and necessity compelled me to turn him into a sketching-stool. Mr.
+Gladstone was speaking at Bingley Hall, Birmingham, and although close
+to him on the platform, I could not, being only five feet two, see over
+the heads of others when all stood to cheer. I mentioned this fact to my
+neighbour. "Oh, you must not miss this scene!" he said, and quickly,
+without ceremony, he had me on his back, his bald head serving as an
+easel. It has struck me since that had this old gentleman, a big man in
+his native town, and still bigger in his own estimation, seen himself as
+others saw him at that moment, the probability is that he would not
+have felt anything like so kindly to me as I did to him.
+
+[Illustration: SKETCHES AT THE LIVERPOOL ELECTION: A WARD MEETING.--SEE
+PAGE 138.
+
+_Reduction of Page Design. Brush Drawing on wood, made after election
+meeting at night, and despatched to London by early morning train. See
+the Confessions of a Special Artist._]
+
+Another instance of a special artist having to depend upon his wits was
+when I found myself at a big central manufacturing town, sent down in a
+hurry from London by the _Illustrated London News_ to illustrate a most
+important election meeting--an election upon which the fate of the
+Government of the day depended. When I arrived the mills had been
+closed, crowds were in the streets, and it would have been a simple
+matter to have got into Mafeking compared with getting into the hall in
+which the meeting was at the time being held.
+
+[Illustration: MY EASEL. DRAWING MR. GLADSTONE AT A PUBLIC MEETING.]
+
+If there is one thing I dislike more than another it is a crowd,
+particularly an electioneering crowd. Political fever is a bad malady,
+even when one is impervious to it, if he has to fight his way through an
+infected mob. Quickly slipping round to the principal hotel, and finding
+there the carriages engaged for the celebrities of the meeting, I got
+into one and was driven rapidly up to the hall, cheered by the mob, who
+doubtless looked upon me as some active politician. Had I put my head
+out of the window and promised them any absurdity, I believe they would
+have chosen me their member on the spot. Arriving at the hall, I was
+received by the tipstaffs, who, probably not catching my name
+distinctly, thought as the hotel people had done, that I was sent down
+in some official capacity, and politely ushered me to the platform,
+where I was given a seat in the front row.
+
+Ah, you little know the difficulties of the poor artist in running his
+subjects to earth. When in New York I was specially engaged by the _New
+York Herald_ to contribute a series of studies of the leading public
+men. These were to appear in the Sunday edition.
+
+Those Sunday papers! What gluttons for reading the Americans are! The
+first Sabbath morning I was in the States I telephoned in an off-hand
+sort of way from my bedroom for "some Sunday papers." I went on
+dressing, and somehow forgot my order, but on leaving, or rather
+attempting to leave, my room afterwards, I found to my astonishment the
+doorway completely blocked with newspapers to the quantity of several
+tons. I rang my bell vigorously. The attendant arrived, and seemed
+considerably amused at my look of consternation. He explained to me that
+these were five of the Sunday papers, and added apologetically that they
+were all he could get at present. If I had stayed to read through that
+pile I should be in the States now.
+
+[Illustration: THE AMERICAN SUNDAY PAPERS.]
+
+The first "subject" I was requested to caricature was the celebrated
+sensational preacher, Dr. Parkhurst. When I arrived at his church it was
+crowded to the doors, and I could not get near him. A churchwarden told
+me to sit down where I was, but I put my hand to my ear and shook my
+head, as much as to say "I do not hear you." Then one churchwarden said
+to the other churchwarden, "This man is deaf, he doesn't hear; I was
+telling him to sit down--"
+
+"Pardon me, but are you speaking?" I whispered. "I regret to say that I
+am very deaf. I came specially from London to hear your great preacher,
+and I should not like to return without gratifying this one desire I
+have."
+
+"Say, is your wife here to-day?" asked one churchwarden of the other.
+
+"No, she is sick at home."
+
+"Could not you squeeze this funny little Britisher into your pew?"
+
+"Guess I could."
+
+So they beckoned to me to follow them, and I was ushered up the aisle
+and sat under the Doctor. The result of that little manoeuvre was that
+I did my work in peace, although sadly troubled to see his face in
+consequence of the church being dark and the reading lamp hiding portion
+of it.
+
+In America introductions are superfluous, so knowing Dr. Parkhurst came
+over in the _Germanic_, the same ship that I travelled in some months
+later, I walked boldly after the service into his room, shook him by the
+hand, and mentioned in a familiar way the officers of the ship, the
+storm, and other matters connected with his journey, and in that way had
+the chance of ten minutes' chat and a closer observation of his facial
+expression.
+
+It may happen, even when everything is carefully prepared to make the
+visit of a special artist easy and comfortable, that work may be
+difficult to accomplish. I must go to the United States for an
+illustration of what I mean.
+
+Some years ago I met Max O'Rell at a London club, and was introduced by
+him to a very English-looking gentleman with an American accent, who
+immediately said:
+
+"Glad to meet you, Mr. Furniss. When you come over to the States we must
+put you on the grill!"
+
+What did he mean? I looked at Max. Max turned pale, and seemed for a
+moment to lose his self-possession, then hurriedly whispered in my ear:
+
+"Jolly good fellow--very witty--president of strange club in America
+where they chaff their guests--see my last book!"
+
+I recollected reading about a club that goes in for roasting as well as
+toasting its guests, and replied:
+
+"Strange!" I said. "I always thought the Americans were in advance of
+the English; yet here in my country we do not put the Furniss on the
+grill, but the grill on the furnace!"
+
+Max laughed and looked relieved, and said:
+
+"You'll do--they'll let you off easy. A Frenchman can't stand chaff, so
+I sat down."
+
+He had stood the fire of the enemy upon the field of battle, but he
+couldn't stand the fusillade of wit from the Americans at their dinner
+table.
+
+The stranger was no other than Major Moses P. Handy, afterwards "Chief
+of Department of Publicity and Promotion at the World's Columbian
+Exposition, Chicago;" so when I found myself in the "Windy City" as an
+unattached "special" from the Old World to the New "World's Fair," I
+called at Rand-McNally Buildings, not to be put on the grill, but to be
+put in possession of some facts concerning that great "Exposition."
+
+[Illustration: MAJOR HANDY.]
+
+Sometimes there is a great deal in a name. For instance, the late Major
+Handy at once indicated the man--handy, always ready with tongue, hands
+and legs. He handed me round the city, told me of its wonders, and sent
+me off enraptured to the "Exposition." Here I was met by one of the
+staff, and escorted all over the skeleton of what eventually proved to
+be the most wonderful "Exposition," Exhibition, World's Fair, or
+whatever you like to call it, that the New World had ever seen.
+
+The gentleman in possession who met me and acted as my guide was a
+clean-cut featured, smooth-faced, typical American, "full of wise saws
+and modern instances" and--tobacco juice. He had a merry wit, and his
+running commentary would have been invaluable "copy" to America's pet
+humourist, Bill Nye.
+
+I had a pencil in the pocket in one side of my coat, and a note-book in
+the pocket in the other side, but the carriage in which I was driven
+about rushed on so over the rough ground and "corduroy roads" and hills
+and chasms, that I found it a matter of utter impossibility to get the
+pencil and the book out together, and, therefore, the facts I give about
+the "Exposition" may want verification, for my worthy guide kept firing
+them into me with the rapidity of a Maxim or a Hotchkiss.
+
+[Illustration: THE WORLD'S FAIR, CHICAGO. A "SPECIAL'S" VISIT.]
+
+"Now here is the Manufactures and Liberal Arts Building. Guess the
+largest building ever erected--1,641,223 feet long, 17,894 feet high--"
+Down goes the trap on one side, plunging into some excavation, like a
+double-harnessed Roman chariot. However, we scrambled up again, but I
+had lost the important figure of the width of the building. Now I don't
+for a moment wish to imply that my guide was exaggerating, but this
+rather reminds me of a story told of an American visiting England, and
+his host there one day remarked to him:
+
+"My dear fellow, we are delighted with you here--in fact, you are quite
+a favourite; but you will excuse me if I tell you that you possess one
+failing pretty general with your countrymen--you do exaggerate so!"
+
+"Guess I kean't help it, but if you'll just kindly give me a kick under
+the table when I'm going too far I'll pull up sharp!"
+
+With this agreement they went out to dinner that evening, and among
+other topics the conversation turned upon conservatories. Captain de
+Vere said that he had a conservatory 200 feet long, but that the Duke of
+Orchid had one nearly 1,000 feet long. The American here struck in with:
+
+"I reckon, gentlemen, you're talking about conserva_tor_ies. Now there's
+a friend of mine in Amurrca, a private gentleman, who has a
+conserva_tor_y 5,000 feet long, 3,000 feet high, and" (kick)--"oh!--2
+feet wide!"
+
+But had I heard the figures representing the width of the building, I
+don't suppose they would have been in the same absurd proportion as
+this, for not all the shin-kicking in the world would have deterred my
+entertaining and conversational conductor.
+
+"You must assemble together in your mind's eye all the mighty structures
+already existing in the world to form any idea of the magnitude of this
+_tre_menjious edifice before you. It is sixteen times as large as St.
+Peter's Cathedral at Rome, Westminster Abbey and St. Paul's Cathedral
+would nestle together in its ventilating shaft, and the whole of the
+armies of Europe could sit down comfortably to dinner in the central
+hall. The Tower of London would be lost under one of the staircases, and
+fifty Cleopatra's Needles stuck one on top of the other would not
+scratch the roof. The building cost fifty million six hundred and
+eighty-four thousand two hundred dollars seventy-five cents, and----" On
+dashed the horses in their wild career.
+
+Down we went, I thought into the bed of Lake Michigan, but in an instant
+we were up again, my hat in one direction and my stick in another, and I
+was well shaken before being taken to the next building.
+
+"Say, Mr. Furniss, the roads are not complete yet, but you mustn't mind
+these little ups and downs. Guess these horses would pull through
+anything--brought 'em right away from the fire-engine shed, considerable
+fresh!"
+
+At this moment a train came puffing along laden with masses of ironwork
+for the central building. The horses shied at the smoky monster, turned
+a somersault (at least, so it seemed to me), and we nearly took a header
+into the lake again; but the charioteer managed to turn them just in
+time, and the fiery fire-engine steeds snorted past their iron brother,
+eclipsing even his noise and steam.
+
+[Illustration: "ON DASHED THE HORSES IN THEIR WILD CAREER."]
+
+I now began to feel thoroughly happy, but I kept a watchful eye on those
+gee-gees, and as we skipped over impromptu bridges, whizzed round the
+corners of newly-made piles, and bumped over incomplete parapets, I
+quite enjoyed myself; but somehow or other I couldn't quite manage to
+catch all the marvellous details respecting the buildings we were
+passing. I was qualifying myself for the Volunteer Fire Brigade. But our
+steeds were reined in for a moment while my guide pointed out to me the
+Dairy Building.
+
+"I reckon, sir," he said, "that dairy will be an eye-opener. It'll be
+_soo_perb, and I guess it won't be long after the opening of the show
+that they'll be turning out gold-edged butter!"
+
+Off we go again, over mounds and down dykes, jumping rocks and shooting
+rapids, and I am certain that had our conveyance been a milk-cart,
+butter, gold-edged or otherwise, would have been produced pretty soon.
+We pull up with a jerk opposite the Agricultural Building.
+
+"The building is 5,000 by 8,000 feet, design bold and heroic. On each
+corner and from the centre of the building are reared pavilions."
+
+"Indeed!" I said. "Are they reared by incubators, or upon some special
+soil from the fertile tracts of the Far West?"
+
+My guide did not evidently deem my question worthy an answer, and
+continued:
+
+"Surmounted by a mammoth glass dome 460 feet high, constructed on
+purpose to accommodate the giant Pennsylvania pumpkin we're having
+raised specially for the Exposition. That pumpkin will be hollowed out,
+and 600 people will be able to sit down together at once in its
+interior."
+
+"Now we'll go to the Transportation Building," said my indefatigable
+conductor to the driver.
+
+"Bless me!" I thought; "is this a convict prison? Are we to have
+visitors from Sing Sing, and am I to see some of my friends from
+Portland and Dartmoor? Will there be a model of the Bastille, and a
+contingent of escaped refugees from the mines of Siberia? Or is the
+building an enormous concern for the transport of visitors to and from
+the Exposition?"
+
+"Say, Mr. Furniss, this is the most original conception in the whole
+Exposition. You'll see contrasted here every mode of transport, and a
+complete train, with a display of locomotives never before attempted,
+will be quite _stu_pendous! To quote the guidebook: 'There will be at
+least 100 engines exhibited, and placed so as to face each other,' and
+every day we will have a steam tournament. Guess it will be a case of
+the survival of the fittest of the engines when they meet! Visitors fond
+of railway accidents can be despatched with a completeness only to be
+witnessed in the stock-yards of this great city!"
+
+This ghastly suggestion had the effect of making me feel more
+comfortable than ever.
+
+We had been some hours driving through this wonderful skeleton city.
+The last dying rays of the setting sun, sinking behind the sweeping
+prairies of the far, far West, lit up the horizon with a blood-red glow,
+and, as the shades of evening began to descend and envelop the embryo
+Exposition, the driver turned the horses' heads whence we had
+come--towards the sunset.
+
+The animals snorted, their nostrils inflated, their eyes glistened, and,
+with tails erect, they tore off straight ahead at a tremendous rate.
+They couldn't understand why they had been driven aimlessly about all
+this time; but now they saw the glare, as they thought, of the fire--the
+glare they had been accustomed to regard as the beacon to guide them to
+their goal--a goal which had to be reached with lightning speed.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+It seemed as if we were flying through a beautiful place destroyed by
+the ravages of fire, for in the dim evening light the outlined houses
+gave one the impression that they formed a city dead, not a city
+newly-born.
+
+Away to the Wild West of the Exposition we flew, and were eventually
+pulled up outside of one of the larger and more complete buildings. My
+faculties had been about all shaken out of me by this time, and I was so
+bewildered by the chaos of figures in my brain--all that were left of
+the volumes that had been poured into my ears--that I had to be all but
+lifted out of the fire-engine trap by my good guide. He said, in an
+undertone:
+
+"Now I'm going to show you something we keep a profound secret."
+
+Making a supreme effort, I dispersed temporarily the armies of figures
+conflicting in my unfortunate head, and became once more a rational
+being, so as to appreciate fully this visual tit-bit reserved to the
+last. We entered the structure. What was it? A mortuary, a
+dissecting-chamber, or a pantomime property-room? Numbers of ghost-like
+beings with bared arms streaming with an opaque-white liquid appeared to
+be engaged in some ghoulish machinations. Mutilated figures of gigantic
+creatures lay strewn about in reckless confusion. It seemed as if
+pigmies were butchering giants; and in the dim, weird light among these
+uncanny surroundings my jumbled imagination whispered to me that, after
+all, this stupendous Exhibition I had just rushed through could not
+possibly be the work of the insignificant little men who swarmed all
+over the colossal buildings in such ridiculously absurd proportion to
+their pretended handiwork.
+
+[Illustration: THE CHARNEL-HOUSE, CHICAGO'S WORLD FAIR.]
+
+No, these giants had performed this herculean undertaking, and were now
+being cut up--the reward of many who attempt such ambitious tasks. In
+reality, though, this charnel-house was the sculptors' studio, in which
+were modelled the gigantic figures which were to be placed on the
+buildings and about the grounds.
+
+Now were I to design a model for a statue to be placed in the
+Exposition, it would certainly be one of my excellent and entertaining
+companion, who proved himself a model conductor, a model of an American
+gentleman, and one who is justly proud, as all Americans must be, of
+the greatness and thoroughness of the most splendid and most interesting
+Exhibition ever recorded in the annals of their great country.
+
+            *       *       *       *       *
+
+One day I slipped up to 10, Downing Street, to make a note of that very
+ordinary, albeit mystical, abode of English Premiers and officials. The
+eagle eye of the policeman was upon me, and he was soon at my side
+subjecting me to minute examination. My explanation satisfied him that
+the only lead I had about me was encased in wood for the purpose of
+drawing, and that the substance in my hand was not dynamite, but
+innocent indiarubber, for wiping out people and places only of my own
+creation. "Ah, sir, there ain't much to see there, unless the 'all
+porter's a-lookin' out of the winder. But you ought ter be 'ere in the
+mornin' and see the Premier a-shavin' of 'imself, with a piece of old
+lookin'-glass stuck up on the winder ter see 'imself in--just wot the
+likes of us would do!"
+
+So I, as a "special," was allowed to make a sketch of the outside of the
+famous No. 10. Not long afterwards I happened to be standing in the same
+place with a number of journalists and a crowd of the public when a
+political crisis drew all attention to the Cabinet, the members of which
+were arriving at intervals, recognised and cheered by the curious. As
+the door opened to allow one of the members of the Cabinet to enter, a
+certain official noticed me standing on the opposite side of the street.
+To my surprise he beckoned to me, and said, "I have been waiting to see
+you, Mr. Furniss, for a long time. I have some sketches in the house
+here I want you to see whenever you can honour me with a visit."
+
+"No time like the present moment," I said.
+
+Before the official realised that the present moment was a dangerous one
+for the admittance of strangers I was taken into the house. While
+examining the works of art in the official's private room a knock came
+to the door, which necessitated his leaving me. The moment of the
+"special" had arrived--now or never for a Cabinet Council! I was down
+the passage, and in a few minutes stood in the presence of the Cabinet,
+when Mr. Gladstone, the Premier, was addressing Lord Granville and the
+others, who were seated, and just as the Duke of Devonshire (then Lord
+Hartington) pushed by me into the room, I was seized by the alarmed
+official. Of course I apologised for my stupidity in taking the wrong
+turning, and I asked him about Mr. Gladstone's three mysterious hats in
+the hall, which he informed me Mr. Gladstone always had by him,--three
+hats symbolic of his oratorical peculiarity of using the well-known
+phrase, "There are three courses open to us."
+
+I patted Lord Hartington's dog on the head, and had quietly taken my
+departure before the official was called into the Cabinet and questioned
+about the "spy" who had so mysteriously interrupted their proceedings.
+
+But what was perhaps a more daring and difficult feat than seeing a
+Cabinet Council was to disturb the "Sage of Queen Anne's Gate" in his
+semi-official residence. It so happened some few years ago I was
+commissioned by an illustrated paper to make a drawing of a peculiar
+scene that took place in the House of Commons. It was Mr. Gladstone's
+only appearance in the Strangers' smoking-room of the House, into which
+he had been lured by the Member for Northampton to attend a performance
+of a thought reader, which Mr. Labouchere had arranged perhaps to show
+his serious interest in the business of the country connected with our
+great Houses of Parliament. Not being present at this show, I had no
+means of getting material, and, being in a hurry, I boldly drove up to
+the house of the "Sage of Queen Anne's Gate." And as I always treat
+people as they treat others, I thought that a little of the Laboucherian
+cheek (shall I substitute the word for confidence?) would not be out of
+place in this instance. The servant took my card, and brought back the
+message that Mr. Labouchere was not at home. As I was at that moment
+actually acting the character of the "Sage," and remembering the
+stories, true or untrue, which he so delights in telling himself about
+his own coolness in matters probably not less important than this, I
+asked the servant to allow me to write a letter to Mr. Labouchere, and I
+was shown into his study, where I sat, and intended to sit, until Mr.
+Labouchere made his appearance. From time to time the servant looked in,
+but the letter was never written. And my thought-reading proved correct.
+Without my pen and pencil I drew Mr. Labouchere. He eventually came
+downstairs, and gave me all the information I required.
+
+            *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration]
+
+London was in darkness. To quote the papers, "Foggy obscuration rested
+over the greater part of its area." And I, in common with millions of
+others, was having my breakfast by gaslight, when I received an
+editorial summons to attend the trial of the Bishop of Lincoln at
+Lambeth Palace. Soon a hansom was at the door, with two lamps outside
+and one within; the latter smelt most horribly, and I found out later on
+that it leaked and had ruined my new overcoat. With an agility quite
+marvellous under the circumstances the horse slipped its slimy way over
+the greasy streets to Lambeth, and dashed through the fog over
+Westminster Bridge in a most reckless manner, which disconcerting
+performance was partly explained by its suddenly stopping at the stable
+door of Sanger's and refusing to budge. I was partially consoled by the
+fact that we were just opposite St. Thomas's Hospital, so that I should
+be in good hands if the worst befell. The fog becoming even denser,
+Sanger's became veiled from the sight of our fiery steed, which
+thereupon consented to slide on towards Lambeth Palace. A sharp turn
+brought us to the gateway, where stood a hearse and string of mourning
+coaches. Was I too late? Had the Bishops passed sentence, and had the
+loved one of Lincoln really been beheaded?
+
+My fears on this point were relieved by a policeman, who restrained my
+driver's energetic endeavours to drive through the wall of the Palace,
+and as my password was "Jeune" (November would have been more
+appropriate on such a morning) I was allowed inside the gates. Here I
+could not see my hand, or anyone else's, in front of me, and after
+stumbling up some steps and down some others I finally flattened my nose
+against a door. Policeman No. 2 suddenly appeared, and turned his
+bull's-eye upon me. I felt that I was doomed to the deepest dungeon
+beneath the castle moat; I thought of the whipping-post I have read of
+in connection with the Palace; of the Guard Room with its pikes and
+instruments of torture, and I trembled. Luckily, however, the rays of
+the lantern fell upon the note in my hand, addressed to Francis Jeune,
+Q.C., and the good-natured "All right, sir. Go hup. 'E's a-speakin'
+now," came as a reprieve.
+
+I stumble into the large historic hall known as the Library, wherein the
+great trial of the Bishop of Lincoln is being held. The weird scene
+strongly resembles the Dream Trial in "The Bells," where the judges,
+counsel, and all concerned are in a fog. I expect the limelight to flash
+suddenly upon the chief actor, the Bishop of Lincoln, as he takes the
+stage and re-acts the part that has caused the trial. The only lights in
+the long and lofty Library, excepting the clerical and legal, are a
+dozen or two wax candles and a few oil-lamps--of daylight, gaslight, or
+electric light, nothing. I can hear the voice of Jeune, Q.C., which
+gladdens my heart amid these sepulchral surroundings, but I see him not.
+As my eyes gradually become accustomed to the strange scene, I find that
+it is composed of three distinct "sets," which present the appearance of
+a muddled-up stage picture when the flats go wrong, and you have a part
+of the Surrey Hills, a corner of Drury Lane and a side of a West End
+drawing-room run on at the same time.
+
+At the further end of the Library we have the Church, very High Church,
+represented by an Archbishop and five Bishops; also a Judge, in a
+full-bottomed wig, who has evidently got in by mistake. Then we have the
+Law, represented by a row of Q.C.'s, their juniors, and attendants; and
+then a chorus of ordinary people and common, or Thames Policemen. These
+are separated by red ropes and some red tape; the latter I cut with my
+self-written passport--my note to the Q.C. who still addresses the
+Court.
+
+[Illustration: THE BISHOP OF LINCOLN'S TRIAL. (_From "Punch."_)]
+
+I have come here to see the Bishop of Lincoln, and I roam about in the
+fog to find him. Ah, that figure! there he is! I immediately sketch him,
+only to find out that the individual in question is the Clerk of the
+Court, or whatever the title of that functionary's equivalent may be in
+Lambeth Palace. What vexes me is that whenever I enquire the whereabouts
+of the Bishop, a warning finger is raised to the lips to denote silence.
+The Bishops sit round three tables, on a raised platform. In the centre
+is the Archbishop of Canterbury; on his right the mysterious Judge, in
+full wig and red robes; here is the Vicar-General, Sir James Parker
+Deane, Q.C.; next to him sits Assessor Dr. Atlay, Bishop of Hereford,
+who looks anything but happy, his hair presenting the appearance of
+being blown about by a strong draught, while his hand is raised to his
+face, suggesting that the draught had caused toothache. The portly
+Bishop of Oxford on his right, like the other corner man, the Bishop of
+Salisbury, scribbles away at a great rate in a huge manuscript book or
+roll of foolscap. On the left of the Archbishop sits the Bishop of
+London, who severely interrogates the Counsel, and evidently relishes
+acting the schoolmaster once more. The Bishop of Rochester, sitting on
+London's left, supplies the element of comedy as far as facial
+expression goes, and his wide-open mouth and papers held in front of him
+lead me to expect him to burst into song at any moment. But where is
+_the_ Bishop--the Bishop of Lincoln? Ah, now I see him, in one of those
+side courts, and I forthwith sketch him, marvelling at my stupidity in
+not identifying him before. I write his name under the sketch, and show
+it to one of the reporters. He scribbles "Wrong man" across it. Done
+again! I write, "Then where is he?" He waves me away, as Mr. Jeune is
+quoting some extraordinary document six hundred years old in reply to
+Sir Horace Davey's authority, which only dates back five hundred and
+ninety-nine years. It suddenly occurs to me that the Bishop is beside
+his Counsel at the other end of the long table, but, alas! there is a
+candle in front of him. This is all I can see, so I make my way to the
+other side of the table, only to discover that my Bishop is an old lady.
+I write on a piece of paper, "Where does the Bishop of Lincoln sit?" and
+take it to an official. It is too dark to read, so some time is lost
+while he takes my memorandum to a candle. He looks across at me, and
+points to a corner.
+
+At last! good! The old gentleman in the corner is in plain clothes, it
+is true, but still he looks every inch a Bishop. I cautiously approach
+to a coign of vantage close beside him, and have just finished a careful
+study of him, when he turns round to me and whispers, "Please, sir, can
+you tell me which is the Bishop of Lincoln?" I shake my head angrily,
+and move away. This is really humbug. I'll bide my time, and take
+Counsel's opinion--I'll ask Mr. Jeune. He is just occupied in answering
+the hundred and seventh question of the Bishop of London, and is being
+"supported" by Sir Walter Phillimore. Indeed, it amuses me to see the
+way in which these two clever Counsel, when in a fog (and are we not all
+in one?), hold an animated legal conversation between themselves, and
+totally ignore the Bishops--not that the latter seem to mind, for they
+scribble away merrily. An evil suspicion creeps into my head that they
+are seizing the opportunity to write their next Sunday's sermons.
+
+In the meantime I discover that one of the little side courts is
+converted into a studio, with an easel and canvas. I approach my brother
+brush, feeling that he, or she, or both (for a lady and a gentleman were
+jointly at work upon a picture of the Trial, in black and white--the
+black was visible, but there was no chance of seeing the white) will
+tell me where I can catch a glimpse of the Bishop of Lincoln. I whisper
+the question. But a "Hush!" goes up from the H'Usher, and the artists,
+sympathising with me in my dilemma, obtain a candle and point out the
+Bishop to me in their picture. I slip away in search of that face. Its
+owner ought to be near his Counsel. The severe Sir Horace Davey sits
+writing letters; next him is the affable Dr. Tristram, then the rubicund
+Mr. Danckwerts, but no Bishop--in fact, there is no one of public
+interest to be seen; probably they have not come, as to-day is to be a
+half-holiday. It is now one o'clock, and the Bishops rise to go to the
+Levée. I pounce upon Francis Jeune, Q.C., and gasp, "Where, oh, where is
+the Bishop of Lincoln? Quick! I want to sketch him before he leaves."
+"Oh, he's not here--never comes near the place!"
+
+The play is over for the day. I have seen "Hamlet" with the Prince left
+out.
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER IV.
+
+THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ILLUSTRATOR--A SERIOUS CHAPTER.
+
+  Drawing--"Hieroglyphics"--Clerical Portraiture--A Commission from
+   General Booth--In Search of Truth--Sir Walter Besant--James Payn--Why
+   Theodore Hook was Melancholy--"Off with his Head"--Reformers'
+   Tree--Happy Thoughts--Christmas Story--Lewis Carroll--The Rev. Charles
+   Lutwidge Dodgson--Sir John Tenniel--The Challenge--Seven Years'
+   Labour--A Puzzle MS.--Dodgson on Dress--Carroll on Drawing--Sylvie and
+   Bruno--A Composite Picture--My Real Models--I am very Eccentric--My
+   "Romps"--A Letter from du Maurier--Caldecott--Tableaux--Fine
+   Feathers--Models--Fred Barnard--The Haystack--A Wicket Keeper--A Fair
+   Sitter--Neighbours--The Post-Office Jumble--Puzzling the
+   Postmen--Writing Backwards--A Coincidence.
+
+[Illustration: If]
+
+
+If I confess as a caricaturist, surely I need not caricature my
+confessions by any mock-modesty. Although I have illustrated novels,
+short stories, fairy tales, poems, parodies, satires, and _jeux
+d'esprit_, for the realistic, the fanciful, the weirdly imaginative and
+the broadly humorous, as my _Punch_ colleague, E. T. Milliken, wrote, my
+more distinctive, natural and favourite _métier_ is that of graphic art.
+This intimate friend, in publishing his "appreciation" of me, put in his
+own too highly-coloured opinion of my black and white work in this
+direction. I blush to quote it:
+
+[Illustration: MAJUBA HILL. DRAWN BY HARRY FURNISS.
+    _Reproduced by permission of the proprietors of the "Illustrated
+    London News."_]
+
+"And they are in error who imagine Mr. Furniss's powers to be
+substantially limited to political satire or Parliamentary caricature.
+Much of the work he has already given to the public, and perhaps more of
+that which he has not yet published, but of which his chosen familiars
+are aware, will prove that in more serious or imaginative work, in
+strong, vivid realism as well as in frolic fancy, in landscape as well
+as in life, in the picturesque as well as in the humorous, he can
+display a notable mastery."
+
+This confession of one of my "chosen familiars" I have the pluck to
+reprint, as an answer to those unknown strangers who so frequently write
+me down as "a conventional comic draughtsman of funny ill-drawn little
+figures." "What shall I call him?" said one; "a master of
+hieroglyphics?" Well, if I am commissioned to draw humorous
+hieroglyphics, I do my best to master their difficulties. Caricature
+pure and simple is not the art I either care for or succeed in
+practising as well as I do in my less known more serious and more
+finished work. When I joined _Punch_, at the age of twenty-six, I had
+had nine-tenths of my time previous to that occupied (ever since I was
+fifteen years of age) in drawing far more elaborate and finished work
+than would be in keeping in a periodical such as _Punch_. _Punch_
+required "funny little figures," and I supplied them; but my _métier_, I
+must confess, was work requiring more demand upon direct draughtsmanship
+and power. I am a funny man, a caricaturist, by force of circumstances;
+an artist, a satirist, and a cartoonist by nature and training. The one
+requires technical knowledge--in the other, "drawing doesn't count." The
+more amateurish the work, the funnier the public consider it. The
+serious confession I have to make is that I have been mistaken for a
+caricaturist in the accepted and limited meaning of the term.
+
+"It is the ambition of every low comedian to play Hamlet, that of every
+caricaturist to be able to paint a picture which shall be worthy of a
+place on the walls of the National Gallery," are my own words on the
+platform; but I do not essay to play Hamlet on the platform, nor do I
+paint pictures for posterity in my studio. Therefore I do not place
+myself in the category of either, for I am neither a low comedian nor
+am I strictly and solely a mere caricaturist. This fact is perhaps not
+generally known to the public, but it is known to the publishers, and
+when a Society Church paper wished to present a series of
+supplements--portraits of the leading clergy--I was selected as the
+artist. The portrait of Canon Liddon, which is here very much reduced,
+is one of these.
+
+[Illustration: CANON LIDDON. A SKETCH FROM LIFE.]
+
+And furthermore I received a commission from General Booth, which
+unfortunately, through pressure of work, I was unable to undertake, to
+make a study of Mrs. Booth, who was at the time on her death-bed,
+suffering from cancer, which the General was "exceedingly anxious" to
+reproduce and issue to his Army, as he had "never yet been able to
+secure a good photograph, although frequent attempts had been made by
+eminent London photographers."
+
+I must confirm, a confession I made some years ago to the editor of the
+_Magazine of Art_ regarding some of the difficulties with which artists
+illustrating books have to contend. In that I questioned whether authors
+and artists worked sufficiently together. Few authors are as
+conscientious as Dickens was, or, in fact, care to consult with their
+illustrators at all. In operatic work the librettist and composer must
+work hand in hand. Should not the artist do likewise?
+
+Undoubtedly there are some writers who take great trouble to see their
+subject from the artistic standpoint. One sensational writer with whom I
+am acquainted will make a complete model in cardboard of his "Haunted
+Grange," so as to avoid absurdities in the working out of the tale. The
+"Blood-stained Tower" is therefore always in its place, and the
+"Assassin's Door" and "Ghost's Window" do not change places, to the
+bewilderment of the keen-witted reader. Many writers, on the other hand,
+show an extraordinary carelessness, or, shall I say, agility? "Hilarity
+Hall" or "Stucco Castle" is supposed to be a firm erection, capable of
+withstanding storm, or, if necessary, siege; whereas the artist too
+often detects the author turning it inside out and upside down to suit
+his convenience, like the mechanical quick-change scenes in our modern
+realistic dramas.
+
+It may seem strange, but I have never found over-conscientiousness in
+seeking to secure "local colour" meet with the slightest reward. Two
+instances among many similar experiences which have fallen to my lot
+will serve to show my ground for making this observation.
+
+Those who have read Sir Walter Besant's delightful but little known "All
+in a Garden Fair" (it is interesting to know that this was
+semi-autobiographical, and that its original title was "All in a Garden
+Green") will recollect the minute description of the locality in which
+the opening scenes take place. The author and I "talked it over." He
+told me the exact spot where the story was laid--a village a good many
+miles from London. The next day, provided with exact information, my
+wife and I went by train to the station nearest to the village in
+question, and then, taking a "trap," went on a voyage of discovery.
+First, however, we endeavoured to gain some useful directions from the
+proprietor of the hotel where we lunched, but, to our surprise, he knew
+of no such village. The driver of our "conveyance" was equally unlearned
+concerning the object of our search.
+
+[Illustration: [Handwritten note]]
+
+"Strange," said I, "how these country people ignore all the beauties and
+graceful associations that are around them--they don't even know of the
+existence of this idyllic village."
+
+Nothing daunted, I undertook to pilot the party to the place, and after
+a lovely drive we reached the spot where the village ought to be. Here I
+saw a kind of model hotel, and, I think, a shanty of some description;
+the rest was an ordinary English landscape. I hardened my heart, and
+patiently sketched the building, which, of course, was not there at the
+period the story referred to, and some details of the place where a
+village only existed in the author's imagination.
+
+When next I saw Sir Walter Besant, he tried to console me with the
+assurance that there certainly must have been a village there some
+centuries ago!
+
+[Illustration: THE LATE SIR WALTER BESANT.]
+
+Besides being a wit and a delightful conversationalist, Sir Walter was
+the most practical and businesslike of authors. It was a treat to meet
+him, as I frequently did, walking into Town, and enjoy his vivacious
+humour. I recollect one morning, speaking of illustrators, mentioning
+the fact that Cruikshank always imagined that Dickens had taken "Oliver
+Twist," merely endowing it with literary merit here and there, and
+palming it off as his own!
+
+"Ah!" said Besant, "how funny! Do you know, I overheard two of my little
+girls talking a few mornings ago, and one said to the other, 'Papa does
+not write all his stories, you know--Charlie Green helps him.'"
+
+(Green was at the time illustrating Besant's "Chaplain of the Fleet.")
+
+[Illustration: THE "JETTY."]
+
+My second instance occurred about the same period. The author was the
+most delightful and entertaining of literary men of our time, Mr. James
+Payn. I was selected to illustrate the serial story in the _Illustrated
+London News_, and as in that also the author minutely describes the
+scene of the semi-historical romance, I, being a thoroughly
+conscientious artist, visited James Payn, then editor of _Cornhill_, in
+his editorial den in Waterloo Place, to talk the matter over. My notes
+were: "Jetty--Lovers meet--Ancient church--Old houses." But the "Jetty"
+was _the_ important object--I must get that. I therefore started for the
+South Coast. Again I was forced to bow down before my author's
+wonderful powers of imagination, for once more, in company with my wife,
+with a hireling to carry my sketching stool and materials, I walked a
+great distance in search of the jetty. Vain, vain! not a ghost of a
+jetty was to be seen. The menial could not enlighten us. At last we
+unearthed the "oldest inhabitant," who took us back to where a few
+sticks in the water alone marked where it stood "a many years ago." I
+tried to develop some of the powers of the late Professor Owen, when he
+constructed an animal from the smallest bone, and succeeded in
+"evolving" a jetty from the green remains of four wooden posts.
+
+I forgave Payn as I forgave Besant. Both men were as genial as they were
+eminent, and but for the circumstances of illustrating their stories I
+might not have enjoyed their acquaintanceship. I also illustrated Payn's
+most charming story, "The Talk of the Town," for _Cornhill Magazine_. I
+never enjoyed any work of the kind so well as this--it has always been
+my regret Payn did not write another of the same period. I recollect,
+when I first saw him in Waterloo Place, I had just read an article of
+his in which he gave a recipe for getting rid of callers, which was to
+bring the conversation to an abrupt termination, say absolutely nothing,
+but steadfastly stare at your visitor until he left. I can vouch for its
+being a simple and effective plan.
+
+[Illustration: ILLUSTRATION FOR "THE TALK OF THE TOWN" (REDUCED).
+            _By permission of the proprietors of "Cornhill Magazine."_]
+
+When I entered his editorial sanctum the genial essayist received me
+most cordially, and looked the picture of comfort, surrounded as he was
+by a heterogeneous collection of pipes. Presently, through the clouds of
+smoke through which he had chatted in that lively, vivacious manner
+peculiarly his own, he knocked the ashes out of his finished pipe and
+mutely stared point-blank at me till I, like the pipe, went out also.
+But before making my exit I reminded him that I had read the article I
+refer to, up to which he was no doubt acting, and that I was pleased and
+interested that he practised the doctrine he preached. Possibly this
+remark of mine was unexpected, and therefore somewhat disconcerted him
+for a moment, for he quickly replied, "Not at all! not at all! Fact is,
+I was rather upset before you came in by a miserable man who called to
+see me, and at the moment I was, _à propos_ of him, thinking of a funny
+story about Theodore Hook I came across last night I never heard before.
+Poor Hook was at a smart dinner one evening, but instead of being as
+usual the life and soul of the party, he proved the wet blanket on the
+merry meeting, despite the fact that he, in all probability, had imbibed
+his stiff glass of brandy to get him up to his usual form before
+entering the house at which he was entertained. This most unusual phase
+of Hook's character surprised everybody present, so much so that his
+host ventured to remark that the volatile Theodore did not seem so merry
+as usual.
+
+"'Merry? I should think not! I should like to see anyone merry who has
+gone through what I have this afternoon!'
+
+"'What was that?' asked everyone, with one voice.
+
+"'Well, I'll tell you,' said Hook. 'I have just come up from York in the
+stage coach, and I was rather late in taking my seat; the top was
+occupied to the full, so I had no alternative but to become an inside
+passenger. The only other occupant of the interior was a melancholy
+individual rolled up in a corner. He had donned his great-coat, the
+collar of which was turned right up over his ears. He stolidly sat
+there, never uttering a word, until I became fascinated by his weird
+appearance. By-and-by the sun sank below the western horizon, the inside
+of the coach became darker and darker, and more ghastly seemed the
+cadaverous stranger as the blackness increased. The strain was too much
+for me. I could not keep silent another minute.
+
+"'My good sir,' I said, 'whatever is the matter with you?'"
+
+"'I'll tell you,' he slowly muttered. 'Some months ago I invested in two
+tickets in a great lottery, but when I told my wife of the speculation I
+had indulged in she nagged and nagged at me to such a frightful extent
+that at last I sold the tickets.'
+
+"'Well?'
+
+"'Well, do you know, sir, to-day those two numbers won the two first
+prizes, and those two prizes represent a sum of money of colossal
+magnitude!'
+
+"'Goodness gracious me!' I shouted. 'If that had happened to me it would
+have driven me to desperation! In fact I really believe that I should
+have been frantic enough to cut my throat!'
+
+"'Why, that's just what I have done!' replied the stranger, as he turned
+down his collar. 'Look here!'"
+
+[Illustration: "THAT'S JUST WHAT I HAVE DONE!"]
+
+This ghastly tale reminds me of one of my earliest and most trying
+experiences in illustrating stories. I had made a very careful drawing
+to illustrate a startling episode in a novel by Mrs. Henry Wood.
+Naturally it was designed on a block, and represented the hero having
+just swallowed poison after committing a murder. The face in the drawing
+was everything, and I had taken the greatest pains to depict in the
+distorted features all the authoress desired--in fact, I was rather
+proud of it. The authoress was pleased, and the block was sent to the
+engraver. I was then about twenty--photographing a drawing on to wood
+was unknown, and process work was not invented--all drawings were made
+on boxwood and engraved by hand. To my horror the engraver returned the
+block to me a week afterwards with an apologetic note. The face had been
+destroyed in the engraver's hands, and he had "plugged the block"--that
+is, another piece of wood had been inserted where the hero's head had
+been, and whitened over, for me to draw another. The rest of the design
+had been engraved. That face gone! How could I conjure it up again on
+that unsightly, isolated patch of block, with all the rest of the
+drawing engraved and therefore my lines undiscernible? I did my best.
+When it was printed it was seen that the face did not fit on the neck
+properly, and to my chagrin I received a sarcastic letter from the
+editor to inform me that I had made a mistake. The hero had swallowed
+poison and had not, as I supposed, cut his head off!
+
+[Illustration: SPECIMEN OF JAMES PAYN'S WRITING.]
+
+Another illustration of the conscientious illustrator in search of the
+truth. I had to introduce the Reformers' Tree, Hyde Park, into a
+picture. Now we are always hearing about the Reformers' Tree in
+reference to demonstrations in the Park, so I went in search of the
+historical stump. The first person to whom I put a question as to its
+whereabouts pointed to a huge tree in flourishing condition. I had just
+sketched in its upper branches when it somehow occurred to me that it
+would be just as well to ask someone else and make assurance doubly
+sure. This time I interrogated a policeman.
+
+"No, that ain't it; that there row of hoaks is wot people calls the
+Reformers' Tree."
+
+I started another sketch on the strength of this statement, but feeling
+a bit dubious over his assertion that the one tree was comprised of a
+whole row, I tackled the "oldest inhabitant," an ancient and pensioned
+park-keeper, who luckily hove in sight.
+
+"Hover there," he replied, gruffly, pointing to a stump that resembled
+the sole remaining molar the old man possessed.
+
+This stump was picturesque. It must be the Reformers' Tree.
+Result--another sketch, which I showed to the gatekeeper at the Marble
+Arch.
+
+"Reformers' Tree? Why, there ain't no such thing in the Park." And I
+really believe there isn't. It is a myth, and merely exists in the
+fertile brain of the descriptive author or the imagination of the
+agitator.
+
+After James Payn's "Talk of the Town" no book has given me such pleasure
+to illustrate as F. C. Burnand's "Incompleat Angler." The combination of
+the picturesqueness of Isaak Walton with the humour of Burnand could not
+be otherwise, but most unfortunately the form of its publication ruined
+the effect of the drawings. Over this, too, the author and I talked--no,
+not exactly--to be exact we laughed over it. I dined with Burnand, and
+afterwards in his study he read it to me, and as he frankly admitted he
+never laughed so much at anything before.
+
+[Illustration: THE TYPICAL LOVERS IN ILLUSTRATIONS OF NOVELS.]
+
+The illustrator's difficulties by no means end when the author is
+satisfied. Many authors give you every facility, and hamper you with no
+impossibilities; but then steps in the editor, especially if he be the
+editor of a "goody" magazine. Novels will be novels, and love and lovers
+will find their way even into the immaculate pages of our monthly
+elevators. I once found it so, and certainly I thought that here was
+plain sailing. A tender interview at the garden gate. She "sighed and
+looked down as Charles Thorndike took her hand"--unavoidable and not
+unacceptable subject. Lovers are all commonplace young men with large
+eyes, long legs, and small moustaches (villains' moustaches grow apace);
+moreover, lovers, I believe, generally take care to avoid observation;
+but no! it appears that "our subscribers" have a stern code which may
+not be lightly infringed. A letter from the editor rebukes my worldly
+ways:
+
+   "DEAR SIR,--Will you kindly give Charles Thorndike a beard, and show
+   an aunt or uncle or some chaperon in the distance; the subject and
+   treatment is hardly suitable otherwise to our young readers."
+
+Sometimes a publisher steps in and arranges everything, regardless of
+all the author and artist may cherish.
+
+Years ago a well-known but not very prosperous publisher sent for me,
+and spoke as follows:
+
+"Now, Mr. F., what I want is to knock the B.P. with Christmas. The story
+is all blood and murder, but don't mind that--you must supply the
+antidote; put in the holly and mistletoe, plenty of snow and
+plum-pudding (the story was a seaside one in summer time). I like John
+Tenniel's work--give us a bit of him, with a dash of Du Maurier and a
+sprinkling of Leech here and there; but none of your Rembrandt
+effects--they are too dark, and don't print up well. Never mind what the
+author says; he hasn't made it Christmas, so you must!"
+
+It is equally difficult to comply with an editorial request such as
+this: "The story I send you is as dull as ditch-water; do please read it
+over and illustrate it with lively pictures."
+
+But some authors are their own publishers, and they are then generally
+more careful of the illustrations. Perhaps the most exacting of all
+authors was "Lewis Carroll."
+
+[Illustration: T]
+
+The name of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson is practically unknown outside of
+Oxford University, where he was mathematical lecturer of Christ Church;
+but the name and fame of "Lewis Carroll," author of those inimitable
+books for children, both young and old, "Alice's Adventures in
+Wonderland" and "Through the Looking-glass and what Alice found there,"
+are known and beloved all over the world. His first book for children,
+"Alice's Adventures," was published at a time exactly to suit me. I was
+just eleven--_the_ age to be first impressed by the pen of Carroll and
+the pencil of Tenniel.
+
+When I, a little, a very little boy in knickerbockers, first enjoyed the
+adventures of Alice and worshipped the pen and the pencil which recorded
+them, I little thought I would some day work hand in hand with the
+author, and when that day did arrive I regretted that I had not been
+born twenty-two years before I had, for for me to follow Tenniel was
+quite as difficult and unsatisfactory a task as for Carroll to follow
+Carroll. The worst of it was that I was conscious of this, and Lewis
+Carroll was not. Fortunately for me Sylvie was not like her prototype
+Alice; the illustrations for Sylvie would not have suited Tenniel as
+Alice did. I therefore did not fear comparison, but what I did fear was
+that Carroll would not be Carroll, and Carroll wasn't--he was Dodgson. I
+wish I had illustrated him when he was Carroll; that he was not the
+Carroll of "Alice" is plainly indicated in his life in the following
+passage:[1] "The publication of 'Sylvie and Bruno' marks an epoch in its
+author's life, for it was the publication of all the ideals and
+sentiments which he held most dear. It was a book with a definite
+purpose; it would be more true to say with several definite purposes.
+For this very reason it is not an artistic triumph as the two 'Alice'
+books undoubtedly are; it is on a lower literary level, there is no
+unity in the story. But from a higher standpoint, that of the Christian
+and the philanthropist, the book is the best thing he ever wrote. It is
+a noble effort to uphold the right, or what he thought to be the right,
+without fear of contempt or unpopularity. The influence which his
+earlier books had given him he was determined to use in asserting
+neglected truths.
+
+     [1] "The Life and Letters of Lewis Carroll," by Stuart Dodgson
+         Collingwood (Fisher Unwin).
+
+"Of course the story has other features--delightful nonsense not
+surpassed by anything in 'Wonderland,' childish prattle with all the
+charm of reality about it, and pictures which may fairly be said to
+rival those of Sir John Tenniel. Had these been all, the book would have
+been a great success. As things are, there are probably hundreds of
+readers who have been scared by the religious arguments and political
+discussions which make up a large part of it, and who have never
+discovered that Sylvie is just as entrancing a personage as Alice when
+you get to know her."
+
+[Illustration: INSTRUCTIONS IN A LETTER FROM LEWIS CARROLL.]
+
+The character of the book was a bitter disappointment to me. I did not
+want to illustrate a book of his with any "purpose" other than the
+purpose of delightful amusement, as "Alice" was. Tenniel had point-blank
+refused to illustrate another story for Carroll--he was, Tenniel told
+me, "impossible"--and Carroll evidently was not satisfied with other
+artists he had tried, as he wrote me: "I have a considerable mass of
+chaotic materials for a story, but have never had the heart to go to
+work to construct the story as a whole, owing to its seeming so hopeless
+that I should ever find a suitable artist. Now that _you_ are found,"
+etc. That was in 1885, and we worked together for seven years. Tenniel
+and other artists declared I would not work with Carroll for seven
+weeks! I accepted the challenge, but I, for that purpose, adopted quite
+a new method. No artist is more matter-of-fact or businesslike than
+myself: to Carroll I was not Hy. F., but someone else, as _he_ was
+someone else. I was wilful and erratic, bordering on insanity. We
+therefore got on splendidly.
+
+Of course it was most interesting to me to study such a genius at such a
+time, and in recording my experiences and impressions of Lewis Carroll
+my object is not so much to deal with the actual illustration to those
+ill-conceived books "Sylvie and Bruno," but to deal with my impressions
+of the man obtained by working with him for so long, for to have known
+the man was even as great a treat as to read his books. Lewis Carroll
+was as unlike any other man as his books were unlike any other author's
+books. It was a relief to meet the pure simple, innocent dreamer of
+children, after the selfish commercial mind of most authors. Carroll was
+a wit, a gentleman, a bore and an egotist--and, like Hans Andersen, a
+spoilt child. It is recorded of Andersen that he actually shed tears,
+even in late life, should the cake at tea be handed to anyone before he
+chose the largest slice. Carroll was not selfish, but a liberal-minded,
+liberal-handed philanthropist, but his egotism was all but second
+childhood.
+
+He informed my wife that she was the most privileged woman in the world,
+for she knew the man who knew his (Lewis Carroll's) ideas--that ought to
+content her. She must not _see_ a picture or read a line of the MS.; it
+was sufficient for her to gaze at me outside of my studio with
+admiration and respect, as the only man besides Lewis Carroll himself
+with a knowledge of Lewis Carroll's forthcoming work. Furthermore he
+sent me an elaborate document to sign committing myself to secrecy. This
+I indignantly declined to sign. "My word was as good as my bond," I
+said, and, striking an attitude, I hinted that I would "strike,"
+inasmuch as I would not work for years isolated from my wife and
+friends. I was therefore no doubt looked upon by him as a lunatic. That
+was what I wanted. I was allowed to show my wife the drawings, and he
+wrote: "For my own part I have shown _none_ of the MS. to anybody; and,
+though I have let some special friends see the pictures, I have
+uniformly declined to _explain_ them. 'May I ask so-and-so?' they
+enquire. 'Certainly!' I reply; "you may _ask_ as many questions as you
+like!' That is all they get out of me."
+
+But his egotism carried him still further. He was determined no one
+should read his MS. but he and I; so in the dead of night (he sometimes
+wrote up to 4 a.m.) he cut his MS. into horizontal strips of four or
+five lines, then placed the whole of it in a sack and shook it up;
+taking out piece by piece, he pasted the strips down as they happened to
+come. The result, in such an MS., dealing with nonsense on one page and
+theology on another, was audacious in the extreme, if not absolutely
+profane--for example:
+
+  "And I found myself repeating, as I left the Church, the words of Jacob,
+  when he '_awaked out of his sleep_,' surely the Lord is in this.
+
+  "And once more those shrill discordant tones rang out:--
+
+               "'He thought he saw a Banker's Clerk
+                 Descending from a bus;
+               He looked again, and found it was--
+                 A Hippopotamus.'"
+
+These incongruous strips were elaborately and mysteriously marked with
+numbers and letters and various hieroglyphics, to decipher which would
+really have turned my assumed eccentricity into positive madness. I
+therefore sent the whole MS. back to him, and again threatened to
+strike! This had the desired effect. I then received MS. I could read,
+although frequently puzzled by its being mixed up with Euclid and
+problems in abstruse mathematics.
+
+I soon discovered that I had undertaken a far more difficult task than I
+anticipated, for in the first letter of instructions I received from the
+author he frankly acknowledged I had my work "cut out." "Cut out"
+suggests dressmaking, the very subject first chosen for discussion and
+correspondence.
+
+The extraordinary workings of this unique mind are shown by quotations
+from his letters to me:
+
+  "I think I had better explain part of the plot, as to these two--Sylvie
+  and Bruno. They are not fairies right through the book--but _children_.
+  All these conditions make their _dress_ rather a puzzle. They mustn't
+  have _wings_; that is clear. And it must be _quite_ the common dress of
+  London life. It should be as fanciful as possible, so as _just_ to be
+  presentable in Society. The friends might be able to say 'What
+  oddly-dressed children!' but they oughtn't to say 'They are not human!'
+
+  "Now I think you'll say you have 'got your work cut out for you,' to
+  invent a suitable dress!"
+
+How I wish I had had those dresses cut out for me! The above
+instructions were quickly followed by other suggestions which added to
+my already scanty idea of a costume suitable to Kensington Gardens and
+to fairyland! I was thinking this difficulty would be lessened if the
+story took place in winter, when I received another letter, which I must
+frankly confess rather alarmed me:
+
+[Illustration: SPECIMEN OF LEWIS CARROLL'S DRAWING AND WRITING.]
+
+  "As to the dresses of these children in their fairy state (we shall
+  sometimes have them mixing in Society, and supposed to be real children;
+  and for _that_ they must, I suppose, be dressed as in ordinary life, but
+  _eccentrically_, so as to make a little distinction). I _wish_ I dared
+  dispense with _all_ costume; naked children are so perfectly pure and
+  lovely, but Mrs. Grundy would be furious--it would never do. Then the
+  question is, how little dress will content her? Bare legs and feet we
+  _must_ have, at any rate. I so entirely detest that monstrous fashion
+  _high heels_ (and in fact have planned an attack on it in this very
+  book), that I cannot possibly allow my sweet little heroine to be
+  victimised by it."
+
+Another monstrous fashion he condemns refers to a picture of his
+grown-up heroine in London Society:
+
+  "Could you cut off those high shoulders from her sleeves? Why should we
+  pay any deference to a hideous fashion that will be extinct a year
+  hence? Next to the unapproachable ugliness of 'crinoline,' I think these
+  high-shouldered sleeves are the worst things invented for ladies in our
+  time. Imagine how horrified they would be if one of their daughters were
+  _really_ shaped like that!"
+
+I did make a note of a horrified mother with a nineteenth century
+malformation, but I did not send it to the author, as it struck me, when
+re-reading his letter, he was possibly serious. Still we had Sylvie's
+dress, Mrs. Grundy, crinolines, and high heels to discuss:
+
+[Illustration: ORIGINAL SKETCH BY LEWIS CARROLL OF HIS CHARMING HERO AND
+HEROINE.]
+
+  "As to your Sylvie I am charmed with your idea of dressing her in
+  _white_; it exactly fits my own idea of her; I want her to be a sort of
+  embodiment of Purity. So I think that, in Society, she should be wholly
+  in white--white frock ('clinging' certainly; I _hate_ crinoline
+  fashion): also I _think_ we might venture on making her _fairy_ dress
+  transparent. Don't you think we might face Mrs. Grundy to _that_ extent?
+  In fact I think Mrs. G. would be fairly content at finding her
+  _dressed_, and would not mind whether the material was silk, or muslin,
+  or even gauze. One thing more. _Please_ don't give Sylvie high heels!
+  They are an abomination to me."
+
+Then for months we corresponded about the face of the Heroine alone. My
+difficulty was increased by the fact that the fairy child Sylvie and the
+Society grown-up Lady Muriel were one and the same person! So I received
+reams of written descriptions and piles of useless photographs intended
+to inspire me to draw with a few lines a face embodying his ideal in a
+space not larger than a threepenny-piece. By one post I would receive a
+batch of photographs of some young lady Lewis Carroll fancied had one
+feature, or half a feature, of that ideal he had conjured up in his own
+mind as his heroine.
+
+[Illustration: LEWIS CARROLL'S NOTE TO ME FOR A PATHETIC PICTURE.]
+
+He invited me to visit friends of his, and strangers too, from John o'
+Groats to Land's End, so as to collect fragments of faces. _A propos_ of
+this I wrote in an artists' magazine a brief account of artists'
+difficulties with the too exacting author. (It is quite safe to write
+anything about Judges and Dons: they never read anything.) I described
+how I received the author's recipe for constructing the ideal heroine. I
+am not to take _one_ model for the lady-child or child-lady. I am to
+take _several_; for all know no face--at least, no face with expression,
+or with plenty of life or good abilities, or when showing depth of
+religious thought--is perfect. I am therefore to go to Eastbourne to see
+and study the face of Miss Matilda Smith, in a pastry-cook's shop, for
+the eyes. I am to visit Eastbourne and eat buns and cakes, gazing the
+while into the beauteous eyes of Miss Smith. Then in Glasgow there is a
+Miss O'Grady, "with oh, such a perfect nose! Could I run up to Scotland
+to make a sketch of it?" A letter of introduction is enclosed, and, as a
+precaution, I am enjoined that I "must not mind her squint." But I _do_
+mind, and I am sure the blemish would sadly mar my proper judgment of
+the lovely feature for gazing on which those eyes have lost their
+rectitude. For the ears a journey to Brighton to see Miss Robinson, the
+Vicar's daughter, is recommended. No, she may listen, think I, to the
+"sad sea-waves," or to her father's sermons, but never to any flattery
+from me. The mouth I shall find in Cardiff--not an English or Welsh
+mouth, but a sweet Spaniard's Señora Niccolomino, the daughter of a
+merchant there. In imagination I picture that cigarette held so lovingly
+in those perfect lips. But I am to draw an English heroine of fifteen
+innocent summers--how those curly wreaths of pearly smoke would
+disenchant my mind of the spell of youth and innocence! For the hair I
+must go to Brighton; for the figure to a number of different places. In
+fact, my author had mapped out a complete tour for me. Had he never
+heard the old story of the artist who was determined to paint a
+perfectly correct figure, strictly in accordance with the orthodox rules
+of art? As he painted a portion he covered it up, and so went on until
+the figure was complete. When it was finished he tore off the covering.
+The result was hideous! He went mad! I feel sure that fate would have
+been mine had I attempted to carry out Lewis Carroll's instructions. I
+therefore worked on my own lines with success. As his biographer states:
+"Meanwhile, with much interchange of correspondence between author and
+artist, the pictures for the new fairy tale, 'Sylvie and Bruno,' were
+being gradually evolved. Each of them was subjected by Lewis Carroll to
+the most minute criticism--hypercriticism, perhaps, occasionally." Still
+he was enthusiastic in his praise, and absurdly generous in his thanks.
+He was jealous that I would not disclose to him who my model was for
+Sylvie. When dining with us many a smile played over the features of my
+children when he cross-questioned me on this point. Repeatedly he wrote
+to me: "How old is your model for Sylvie? And may I have her name and
+address?" "My friend Miss E. G. Thomson, an artist great in 'fairies,'
+would be glad to know of her, I'm sure," and so on.
+
+The fairy Sylvie was my own daughter! All the children in his books I
+illustrated were my own children; yet this fact never struck him! He
+visited us in the country when I was at work, and I soon afterwards
+received the following letter:
+
+  "Thanks. I was not aware that the boy, whose photo I sent you, had
+  far-apart eyes. If you think (and you are _quite_ the best judge of the
+  point) that these eyes are needed in order to give to the face the fun
+  and roguery I want expressed, by all means retain them.
+
+  "It had occurred to me to write and beg that, if Arundel did not furnish
+  all requisite models for drawing from life, you would let all portions
+  of pictures which would have to be done without models or wait till you
+  return to town, _wait_. But as I think you definitely told me that you
+  never do the finished pictures _except_ from life, I presume the
+  petition to be superfluous."
+
+When I received this letter at Arundel my second boy was sitting in his
+bathing costume on a garden-roller on the lawn for a picture of Bruno
+sitting on a dead mouse. I was chaffing my model about flirting with a
+young lady he met at a children's garden party, and threatened to inform
+his sweetheart in London, when he assured me with knowingness, "Fact is,
+papa, the young lady here is all right for the country, you know--but
+she would _never_ do in town!"
+
+[Illustration: SYLVIE AND BRUNO. MY ORIGINAL DRAWING FOR LEWIS CARROLL.
+              (_Never published._)]
+
+It was the same idea as Lewis Carroll's about models.
+
+As I have brought my family into this, I may mention that there is one
+picture in "Sylvie and Bruno" (vol. i., p. 134) which brings back to me
+the only sorrowful hour I had in connection with the otherwise enjoyable
+work. My wife was very ill--so ill it was a question of life and death.
+Expert opinion was called in, and the afternoon I had to make that
+drawing--with my own children as models--the "consultation" was being
+held in my wife's room. Carroll was on his way from Oxford to see the
+work, and I was drawing against time. It's the old story of the clown
+with the sick wife. Caricaturists are after all but clowns of the
+pencil. They must raise a laugh whatever their state of mind may be. For
+a long time I never would show Lewis Carroll my work, for the simple
+reason I did not do it. He thought I was at work, but I was not. That's
+where my acting eccentricity came in. I knew that I would have to draw
+the subjects "right off," not one a month or one in six months.
+Correspondence for three months, as a rule, led to work for one week.
+Isolated verse I did let him have the illustrations for, but not the
+body of the book. This was my only chance, and I arrived at this secrecy
+by the following bold stroke.
+
+[Illustration: I GO MAD!]
+
+Lewis Carroll came from Oxford one evening, early in the history of the
+work, to dine, and afterwards to see a batch of work. He ate little,
+drank little, but enjoyed a few glasses of sherry, his favourite wine.
+"Now," he said, "for the studio!" I rose and led the way. My wife sat in
+astonishment. She knew I had nothing to show. Through the drawing-room,
+down the steps of the conservatory to the door of my studio. My hand is
+on the handle. Through excitement Lewis Carroll stammers worse than
+ever. Now to see the work for his great book! I pause, turn my back to
+the closed door, and thus address the astonished Don: "Mr. Dodgson, I am
+_very_ eccentric--I cannot help it! Let me explain to you clearly,
+before you enter my studio, that my eccentricity sometimes takes a
+violent form. If I, in showing my work, discover in your face the
+slightest sign that you are not _absolutely_ satisfied with any particle
+of this work in progress, the _whole_ of it goes into the fire! It is a
+risk: will you accept it, or will you wait till I have the drawings
+_quite_ finished and send them to Oxford?"
+
+"I--I--I ap--appreciate your feelings--I--I--should feel the same
+myself. I am off to Oxford!" and he went.
+
+[Illustration: Handwritten note]
+
+I sent him drawings as they were finished, and each parcel brought back
+a budget of letter-writing, each page being carefully numbered. This is
+the top of page 5 in his 49,874th letter. I am not sure if I received
+all the remaining 49,873 letters in the seven years. To meet him and to
+work for him was to me a great treat. I put up with his
+eccentricities--real ones, not sham like mine.--I put up with a great
+deal of boredom, for he was a bore at times, and I worked over seven
+years with his illustrations, in which the actual working hours would
+not have occupied me more than seven weeks, purely out of respect for
+his genius. I treated him as a problem, and I solved him, and had he
+lived I would probably have still worked with him. He remunerated me
+liberally for my work; still, he actually proposed that in addition I
+should partake of the profits; his gratitude was overwhelming. "I am
+grateful; and I feel sure that if _pictures_ could sell a book 'Sylvie
+and Bruno' would sell like wildfire."
+
+Perhaps the most pleasant confession I have to make is my fondness for
+children. They always interest and amuse me more than "grown-ups." The
+commonplace talk is to them unknown; it is full of surprises.
+
+Perhaps the nursery's record of my family is not longer or any more
+interesting than the sayings and doings of the youngsters of any other
+family; still a few extracts may interest those who, like myself, are
+interested in first impressions.
+
+My eldest, just entering on his teens, had as companions two brothers
+and one sister. Hearing there was an addition to this little family
+group, he, dressed in flannels, ran into my studio, bat in hand, "Papa,
+is it a boy or a girl?"
+
+"A boy."
+
+"Oh, I am so glad. I do want a wicket-keeper, and Dorothy can't
+wicket-keep a bit."
+
+[Illustration: "I DO WANT A WICKET-KEEPER!"]
+
+A stoutly-made little fellow of eight, to his mother, who happened to be
+extremely thin:
+
+"Oh, mother, I do believe you must be the very sweetest woman in the
+world!"
+
+"Thanks very much, Lawrence. But why so affectionate? What do you want?"
+
+"I don't want anything. I only know you must be the very sweetest woman
+in the world."
+
+"Really, you are too flattering. Why this sudden outburst of affection?"
+
+"Well, you know, I've been thinking over the old, old saying, 'The
+nearer the bone the sweeter the meat.'"
+
+Children, I think, have the art of "leading up" to jokes better than
+adults. They hear some strange remark, they naturally analyse it, and it
+suggests an application. For instance, this brat possibly objected to
+some portion of meat at table. His mother had reminded of the old
+saying, "The nearer the bone the sweeter the meat." Thin
+mother,--there's the application.
+
+One of my youngsters ran into the drawing-room at five o'clock tea. A
+lady visitor thus addressed him:
+
+"Come here, my little man. I suppose when you grow up you will be an
+artist, like your father?"
+
+"My father is not an artist."
+
+"Oh, my dear, he _is_ an artist."
+
+"Oh, no, no, no, my father is not an artist--he's only a black and white
+man. I am going to be an artist in all colours."
+
+[Illustration: PORTION OF LETTER FROM LAWRENCE, AGE 9.]
+
+My own children have been my models, not only for Lewis Carroll's books,
+but for all my drawings of children. I have three boys and one girl.
+Dorothy is now a successful artist, and Lawrence is, at the age of
+eighteen, a professional draughtsman of mechanical subjects; my youngest
+is just out of his teens. Their portraits manifolded will be found in
+the page sketch from "Romps" Du Maurier wrote me a most graceful
+appreciation of these books, which, considering his delightful pictures
+of children in _Punch_, was most gratifying to me.
+
+[Illustration: REDUCTION FROM A DESIGN FOR MY "ROMPS."]
+
+[Illustration: PORTION OF A LETTER FROM GEORGE DU MAURIER.]
+
+An artist for whose work I have the greatest admiration was the late
+Randolph Caldecott, and the only occasion on which I had the pleasure of
+meeting him was of a semi-theatrical kind. It was at one of the
+"Artists' Tableaux" which were given in London some years ago. In those
+produced in Piccadilly I took no part, and the entertainment to which I
+refer was held at the Mansion House. At the last moment, in order to
+complete one of the pictures, a portly Dutchman was required, and a
+telegram was despatched to me to enquire whether I would represent the
+character. A dress, which was not a very good fit, was provided for me
+by the costumier of the show, and with the aid of a little padding, a
+good deal of rouge, a long clay pipe, and a bottle of schnapps, I
+managed to look something like the inflated Hollander I was
+representing, in the centre of the group, where I was supposed to be
+looking on at a game of bowls. Caldecott, who was placed at a window,
+flirting with the maids of the Queen, was attired in a graceful costume
+of the most faultless description, surmounted by a magnificent hat with
+a sweeping brim and splendid feathers, upon which he had expended no
+little pains and money. My head-gear consisted of a very insignificant
+stage property hat, but as I was not intended to contribute an element
+of beauty to the picture, that didn't matter. The tableau was arranged
+by Mr. E. A. Abbey, and when taking his last look round before the
+curtain was raised, his artistic eye detected that more black was
+required in the centre. While we were thus in our allotted positions,
+and straining every nerve to remain perfectly rigid--an ordeal which, by
+the way, I never wish to go through again, as I had hard work to
+restrain myself from breaking out into a Highland fling or an Irish jig,
+or calling out "Boo!" to the audience to relieve my pent-up
+feelings--Mr. Abbey suddenly seized the superb hat on Caldecott's head,
+which the latter had had specially made, and in which he really fancied
+himself, handed it to me, and to Caldecott's horror, and almost before
+he was conscious that he had been made ridiculous by the wretched
+remnant which had been sent from Bow Street for me, the curtain was rung
+up.
+
+I confess I have a certain amount of pity, closely akin to contempt, for
+the artist who must have the actual character he wants to paint, who
+cannot use a model merely for reference, but paints in everything like a
+photograph. Some artists call such feebleness conscientiousness, but to
+me it seems mere weakness. Must an author paint each character in his
+book, or an actor take his every impersonation on the stage, minutely
+from some living model? Surely observation and natural originality is
+more than the photographic copying of your "conscientious" artist! Worse
+feebleness still it is when an artist has to paint a well-known
+character, say King Lear or Mary Queen of Scots, and goes about hunting
+for a living person as near as possible in appearance to the original,
+and then costumes and slavishly reproduces him or her, without any show
+of judgment or insight after the model is once selected. And this lack
+of insight into character seems deplorably prevalent among our figure
+painters, for how often we see in the exhibitions the model with a "good
+head" tamely reproduced over and over again--here as a monk, there as a
+Polonius, Thomas à Becket, a "blind beggar," "His Excellency," a
+pensioner, or painted by some artist who wants to make a bid for
+portraiture as "A portrait of a gentleman"!
+
+Black and white men have to introduce so many characters into their
+work, they are obliged to invent them; but it is a curious fact that
+this facility disappears at times. The late Mr. Fred Barnard, clever as
+he was at inventing character for his black and white work, found, when
+he was painting in oil, that confidence had left him, and he spent
+several days wandering about London to find real characters for a
+picture he was painting representing the jury in "Pilgrim's Progress."
+One day in Oxford Street he saw a hansom-cab driver with a face besotted
+with drink and "ripe" for production as a slave to Bacchus. Barnard
+hailed the hansom, jumped in, and directed the jehu to drive him to his
+studio on Haverstock Hill. In going up the Hampstead Road a tram-car ran
+over a child. Barnard was terribly upset by the touching sight, and told
+the driver to pull up at the nearest tavern. Getting out, he looked at
+his "subject," intending to invite him to refreshment before taking him
+on to his studio, where he intended to paint him. To his horror the face
+of the bibulous cabman had lost all its "colour," and was of a pale
+greenish hue.
+
+[Illustration: A TRANSFORMATION.]
+
+"That was horful, sir, warn't it? It'll upset me for a week."
+
+The disappointed artist dismissed his "subject."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Much could be written of this genuine humourist. His buoyant fun was
+irrepressible; indoors and out of doors he entertained himself--and
+sometimes his friends--with his jokes. In his studio he kept as pets
+some little tortoises. They were allowed to crawl about as they liked,
+but he had painted on their backs caricatures--a laughing face, a
+sour-green face, one with a look of horror, another of mischief. A
+visitor seated unaware of these would suddenly spring off the sofa as
+the walking mask slowly appeared from underneath it! Barnard's power of
+mimicry was great, and his jokes were as excellent as his drawings. Even
+when sitting before the camera for his photograph, he had his little
+joke.
+
+[Illustration: BARNARD AND THE MODELS.]
+
+There are a number of girls who go the round of the studios, but have no
+right whatever to do so. They generally hunt in pairs, and this habit
+surely distinguishes them from the real model. They are more easily
+drawn than described. Two of this class once called on Barnard.
+
+"What do you sit for?" he asked.
+
+"Oh, anything, sir."
+
+"Ah, I am a figure man, you are no use to me, but there is a friend of
+mine over there who is now painting a landscape--I think you might do
+very well for a haystack; and your friend might try studio No. 5 and sit
+for a thunder-cloud, the artist there is starting a stormy piece--oh,
+good morning." Tableau!
+
+A wretched individual once called upon me and begged me to give him a
+sitting. I asked him to sit for what I was at work upon: this was a
+wicket-keeper in a cricket match bending over the wicket. I assured the
+man he need not apologise, as he had really turned up at an opportune
+moment; the drawing was "news," and it had to be finished that day. When
+I had shown my model the position and made him understand exactly what I
+wanted, I noticed to my surprise that he was trembling all over. I
+immediately asked him if he were cold.
+
+"No."
+
+"Nervous?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Then why not keep still?"
+
+"Well, that's just what I can't do, sir! I had to give up my occupation
+because, sir, I am hafflicted with the palsy, and when I bend I do
+tremble so. I only sit for 'ands, sir--for 'ands to portrait painters. I
+close 'em for a military gent--I open 'em for a bishop--but when the
+hartist is hin a 'urry I know as 'ow to 'ide one 'and in my pocket and
+the hother hunder a cocked 'at."
+
+[Illustration: "I SIT FOR 'ANDS, SIR."]
+
+Hiding hands recalls to me a fact I may mention in justice to our modern
+English caricaturists. We never make capital out of our subjects'
+deformities. This I pointed out at a dinner in Birmingham a few years
+ago, at which I was the guest of the evening, and as I was addressing
+journalists I mention this fact in justice to myself and my brother
+caricaturists. As it happened, that afternoon I had heard Mr. Gladstone
+making his first speech in the opening of Parliament, 1886, after being
+returned in Opposition. Turning round to his young supporters, he used
+for the first time the now famous expression "an old Parliamentary
+hand," holding up at the same time a hand on which there were only three
+fingers. Now had I drawn that hand as it was, minus the first finger,
+showing the black patch? It would have been tempting on the part of a
+foreign caricaturist, because it had a curious application under the
+circumstances. (But it would be noticed that in my sketch in _Punch_ the
+first finger, which really did not exist, is prominently shown.) This
+was the first time the fact was made public that Mr. Gladstone had not
+the first finger on the left hand; since then, however, all artists,
+humorous or serious, were careful to show Mr. Gladstone's left hand as
+pointed out by me.
+
+Now I had noticed this for years in the House, and I hold as an argument
+that men are not observant the fact that Members who had sat in the
+House with Mr. Gladstone, on the same benches, for years, assured me
+that they had never noticed his hand before I made this matter public.
+So that when I am told that I misrepresent portraits of prominent men I
+always point to this fact.
+
+Mr. Gladstone was careful to hide the deformity in his photographs, but
+in his usual energetic manner in the House the black patch in place of
+the finger was on many occasions in no way concealed.
+
+These are plebeian models, but sometimes artists' friends recommend
+amateur models--a broken-down gentleman or some other poor relation--and
+when you are drawing social modern subjects, of course these are really
+of more use than the badly-dressed professional model.
+
+[Illustration: A _PUNCH_ ENGRAVING, DRAWN ON WOOD.]
+
+On "Private View Day" at the Royal Academy a few years ago a knot of
+artists and their wives were in one of the rooms; it was late, and few
+of the visitors remained. The attention of the artists was attracted by
+a stately and beautiful being who entered and went round examining the
+pictures.
+
+"How charming!" remarked one.
+
+"Delightful!" replied another.
+
+"Oh, if she would but sit to me!" prayed a third.
+
+"Why not ask her?" asked the practical one. "If anyone can, you can; so
+remember that faint heart never won fair sitter!"
+
+"Well, here goes!" whispered the cavalier, Mr. Val Prinsep, R.A., in the
+tone of one about to lead a forlorn hope, and he charged desperately
+across the gallery. He approached the fair stranger, and politely taking
+off his hat said diffidently:
+
+"Madam, I am one of the Academy. Should you wish to know anything about
+the pictures I shall be glad----"
+
+"Oh, thanks. I know a good deal about them."
+
+"Indeed! Then you will understand how we artists are always on the
+look-out for beauty to paint--and--ah--hm--well, you see I--that is we"
+(pointing to the group) "were so struck with your presence
+that--ah--pardon my abruptness--we thought that if such a thing were
+possible you might condescend to allow one of us to make a study of your
+head--ah."
+
+"Oh, with pleasure," said the fair visitor, taking from her hand-bag a
+neat little note-book, and opening it, she said:
+
+"Well, I have only got Sundays and one Wednesday next month
+disengaged,--I have got sittings on every other day. Will this be of any
+use to you?"
+
+She was a model!
+
+The first house I occupied after I married faced one occupied by a
+well-known and worthy fiery-tempered man of letters, and it so happened
+that one evening my wife and I were dining at the house of another
+neighbour. We were gratified to learn that our celebrated _vis-à-vis_,
+hearing we had come to live in the same square, was anxious to make our
+acquaintance. On our return home that night we discovered the latch-key
+had been forgotten, and unfortunately our knocking and ringing failed to
+arouse the domestics. It was not long, however, before we awoke our
+neighbours, and a window of the house opposite was violently thrown
+open, and language all the stronger by being endowed with literary merit
+came from that man of letters, who in the dark was unable to see the
+particular neighbours offending him, and he referred to my wife and
+myself in a way that could not be passed over. A battle of words ensued
+in which I was proved the victor, and my neighbour beat a hasty retreat.
+Before retiring I wrote a note to the friend we had just left to say
+that in the circumstances I refused to know my neighbour, and he had
+better inform him that I would on the first opportunity punch his head.
+By the same post I wrote for a particular model,--a retired pugilist. As
+soon as he arrived next morning I placed him at the window of my studio
+facing the opposite house, now and then sending him down to the front
+door to stand on the doorstep to await some imaginary person, and to
+keep his eye on the house opposite. I went on with my work in peace.
+Presently a note came:
+
+  "DEAR FURNISS,--Your neighbour has sent round to ask me what you are
+  like. He has never seen you till this morning, and he is frightened to
+  leave his house. He implores me to apologise for him."
+
+He departed from the neighbourhood shortly afterwards.
+
+[Illustration: MY FIGHTING DOUBLE.]
+
+Sad to relate that all Governmental undertakings of an artistic nature,
+from our most colossal public building or monument to the design of a
+postage stamp, are fair game for ridicule! The outward manifest record
+of the Post Office Jubilee--rather the "Post Office Jumble"--was the
+envelope and post card published by the Government and sold for one
+shilling. The pitiful character of the design, from an artistic point of
+view, shocked every person of taste; so I set to work and burlesqued it,
+strictly following the lines of the genuine article. A glance at my
+envelope alone, therefore, is sufficient to show the wretched quality of
+the original. It happened that the postmen's grievances were very
+prominent at that time. The Postmaster-General and the trade unionists
+and others were at fever heat, and excitement ran high. This
+caricature-parody, therefore, was a sketch with a purpose. It was said
+at one of the meetings that my pencil "may perhaps touch the public
+sympathy in behalf of the postman more effectually than any language has
+been able to do." The wretched thing was thought worthy of an article
+by Mr. M. H. Spielmann. My skit, it is needless to add, was very popular
+with the postmen. They showed their gratitude by saving many a
+misdirected letter. A letter addressed "Harry Furniss, London," has
+frequently found me, without the loss of a post.
+
+[Illustration: SPECIMEN OF MR. LINLEY SAMBOURNE'S ENVELOPES TO ME.]
+
+I signed a certain number, which sold at 10_s._ 6_d._ each, and were
+bought up principally by the members of the Philatelic Society.
+
+Perhaps the publication of this "Post Office Jumble" card was also the
+cause of the puzzled postmen taking the trouble to decipher and deliver
+the far more amusing artistic jokes of that irrepressible joker, Mr.
+Linley Sambourne. By his permission I here publish a page, a selection
+of the envelopes he has sent me from time to time.
+
+It is bad enough purposely to puzzle the overworked
+letter-carriers--they are too often tried by unintentional touches of
+humour emanating from the most innocent and unsuspected members of the
+public--but I confess that I was once the innocent cause of Mr.
+Sambourne trying the same thing on with the overworked bank clerk.
+
+[Illustration: CHEQUE FOR 5-1/2D. PASSED THROUGH TWO BANKS AND PAID. I
+SIGNED IT _backwards_, AND IT WAS CANCELLED BY CLERK _backwards_.]
+
+I sent my _Punch_ friend a cheque, here reproduced, for the sum of
+5-1/2_d._, payable to "Lynnlay Sam Bourne, Esqre," signed by me
+backwards, crossed "Don't you wish you may get it and go." Sambourne
+endorsed it "L. Sam. Bourne," and sent it to his bank. The clerk went
+one better, and wrote "Cancelled" _backwards_ across my reversed
+signature. It passed through my bank, and the money was paid. This is
+probably unique in the history of banking.
+
+[Illustration: SIR HENRY IRVING WRITES HIS NAME BACKWARDS.]
+
+_A propos_ of writing backwards, in days when artists made their
+drawings on wood everything of course had to be reversed, and writing
+backwards became quite easy. To this day I can write backwards nearly as
+quickly as I write in the ordinary way. One night at supper I was
+explaining this, and furthermore told my friends that they themselves
+could write backwards--in fact, they could not avoid doing so. Not of
+course on the table, as I was doing, but by placing the sheet of paper
+against the table underneath, and writing with the point upwards.
+Perhaps my reader will try--and see the effect. For encouragement here
+are a few of the first attempts on that particular evening.
+
+[Illustration: SIR HENRY IRVING'S ATTEMPT.]
+
+[Illustration: MR. J. L. TOOLE'S FIRST ATTEMPT.]
+
+[Illustration: MR. J. L. TOOLE'S SECOND ATTEMPT.]
+
+A few years ago a banquet was given at the Mansion House to the
+representatives of French art; several English painters and others
+interested in art were invited to meet them. Previous to being presented
+to the Lord Mayor, every guest was requested to sign an autograph
+album--an unusual proceeding, I think, at a City dinner. Were I Lord
+Mayor I would compel my guests to sign their names--not on arrival, but
+when leaving the Mansion House, and thus possess an autograph album of
+erratic graphology, and one worth studying. In company with my friend
+Mr. Whitworth Wallis, the curator of the Birmingham Museum and Art
+Gallery, I entered the Mansion House, when we were immediately accosted
+by a powdered flunkey in gorgeous uniform, in possession of the
+autograph album, who presented a truly magnificent pen at us, and in
+peremptory tones demanded our life or our signatures. Whitworth Wallis
+wrote his first, with a dash and confidence. I stood by and admired.
+"Oh," I said, taking the pen, "that's not half a dash; let me show you
+mine."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Jeames, in taking the pen from me, looked condescendingly over the page,
+and with the air of a justice delivering judgment said to me:
+
+"Beaten 'im by hinches, sir. Beaten 'im by hinches!"
+
+Months after that I gave an entertainment one evening at Woolwich. My
+audience was principally composed of Arsenal hands. On leaving the
+platform I was taken into the Athletic Club rooms, and asked to sign
+their autograph book and say a "few words" to the members. The few words
+consisted of the "record" I had made in the signing match I had with Mr.
+Wallis at the Mansion House--an incident which was brought to my mind
+suddenly when I took the pen in my hand. It so happened that Whitworth
+Wallis, who is a well-known lecturer on art matters, was on that same
+night lecturing in the North of England, and as he left the platform at
+the same hour as I at Woolwich, he was, like me, asked to sign an
+autograph book, and told the very same story to his friends in the North
+as I was telling under exactly similar circumstances, the same evening,
+at the same hour, in the South. Neither of us knew that the other was
+lecturing that night. It is not by any means a usual thing to be asked
+to sign a club album, and Wallis and I had not met or corresponded since
+the evening at the Mansion House.
+
+After working many years for the _Illustrated London News_, I became a
+contributor to the _Graphic_, and for that journal wrote and illustrated
+a series of supplements upon "Life in Parliament"; but from this time
+forward it would be difficult to name any illustrated paper with which I
+have not at some time or other been connected. For instance, the
+_Yorkshire Post_ a few years ago started a halfpenny evening paper, and
+sent their manager down to me to ask my honorarium to illustrate the
+first few numbers with character sketches of the members of the British
+Association, who were holding their meetings that week in Leeds. This
+was a happy thought, as the "British Asses," as they are too familiarly
+called, sent these first numbers of the paper all over the country; the
+new ship had something to start upon, and is now a prosperous concern.
+There are various stories about the sum I received for this work. It was
+a large sum for England, where enterprise of this kind is very rare. I
+was "billed" all over the town as if I were a Patti or Paderewski, and
+telegrams were sent to the London papers by the special reporters
+announcing the terms upon which I was at work; altogether it was a bit
+of Yankee booming that would have made a Harmsworth or a Newnes green
+with envy.
+
+
+
+
+                              CARICATURE.
+
+                               CHAPTER V.
+
+A CHAT BETWEEN MY PEN AND PENCIL.
+
+  What is Caricature?--Interviewing--Catching Caricatures--Pellegrini--The
+   "Ha! Ha!"--Black and White _v._ Paint--How to make a
+   Caricature--M.P.'s--My System--Mr. Labouchere's Attitude--Do the
+   Subjects object?--Colour in Caricature--Caught!--A Pocket
+   Caricature--The Danger of the Shirt-cuff--The Danger of a Marble
+   Table--Quick Change--Advice to those about to Caricature.
+
+[Illustration: If]
+
+
+If I am asked what is caricature, how can I define it? Ah, here it is
+explained by some great authority--whom I cannot say, for I have it
+under the heading of "Cuttings from Colney Hatch," undated, unnamed.
+Kindly read it carefully:
+
+[Illustration: THE STUDIO OF A CARICATURIST.]
+
+"The word itself, 'caricature,' is related etymologically to our own
+'cargo,' and means, in all Italian simplicity, a _loading_. So, then,
+the finely analytical quality of the Italian intellect, disengaging the
+ultimate (material) element out of all the (spiritual) elements of
+pictorial distortion and travesty, called it simply a 'loading.' After
+all, 'exageration' only substitutes the idea of mound, or _agger_ for
+_carica_--the heaping up of a mound--for the common Italian word 'load'
+or 'cartload.' One can easily understand how a cold, cynical, and hating
+Neapolitan, pushed about by the police for a likeness much too like,
+would shrug his shoulders, and say, possibly, the likeness was loaded.
+But when we look at the character of the loading, there may be anything
+there, from diabolical and malignant spite up to the simplest fun, to
+say nothing of the almost impossibility of drawing the real truth, and
+the almost necessary tendency to exaggerate one thing and diminish
+another. But if the Italian mind, with a head to be chopped off by a
+despot for a joke, discovered the colourless and impregnable word
+'load,' the French _gamin_, on his own responsibility, hit upon the
+identical word in French, namely, 'charge'--_une charge_ meaning both a
+pictorial or verbal goak or caricature, and a load. When did the word
+'caricature' first obtain in the Italian language, and how? When did the
+word 'charge' acquire a similar meaning in France, and was it or not
+suggested by the Italian word? But the thing caricature goes back to the
+night of ages, and is in its origin connected with the subjective
+risible faculty on the one side and the objective tendency to making
+faces on the other. Curiously enough, the original German ideas of
+caricature appear to have hinged precisely upon the distortion of the
+countenance, since _Fratze_, the leading word for caricature, signifies
+originally a grimace. Then we have _Posse_, buffoonery (Italian,
+_pazzie_), which, without original reference to drawing, would exactly
+express many of Mr. ----'s very exquisite drolleries, diving as they do
+into the weirdest genius--conceptions of night and of day, of dawn and
+of twilight--the mixture of the terrible, the grotesque, the gigantic,
+the infinitely little, the animal, the beast, the ethereal, the divinely
+loving, the diabolically cynical, the crawling, the high-bred, all in a
+universal salmagundi and lobster nightmare, mixing up the loveliest
+conceptions with croaking horrors, the eternal aurora with the
+everlasting _nitschewo_ of the frozen, blinding steppe. Caricature! What
+can we English call it?"
+
+What indeed after this? Except in despair we adopt the child's
+well-known definition--"First you think, and then you draw round the
+think." I have been more than once asked to deliver a lecture explaining
+the process. Of course such an idea is too absurd for serious
+consideration. The comic writer cannot give anyone a recipe for making
+jokes, nor can a comic actor show you how to grimace so as to make
+others laugh in this serious country. We are not taught to look at the
+comic side of things--any humorous element may grow, like Topsy,
+unaided--nor is the power given to many to explain to others their
+inventions. Bessemer, the inventor of the steel bearing his name, when
+he first made his discovery was asked to read a paper explaining his
+invention to a large meeting of experts. He had his carefully-prepared
+notes in front of him, but they only embarrassed him. He struggled to
+speak, but failed. Only the weight of the lumps of metal dangling in his
+coattail pocket kept him from collapsing. Suddenly he dived his hand
+into the pocket and produced a piece of steel, which he thumped on the
+table. "Bother the paper! Here is my steel, and I'll tell you how I made
+it!" So would it be with a caricaturist. After a struggle he would say,
+"Bother words, words, words! Here is a pencil, and here is some paper.
+I'll show you how I caricature."
+
+Personally, I have no objection to being caricatured--I frequently make
+caricatures of myself. Nor have I any objection to being interviewed--I
+interview myself. What else are these pages but interviews? I confess I
+fail to see any objection to a legitimate caricature or a legitimate
+interview. On the contrary, I look upon interviewing by an experienced
+and sympathetic writer as invaluable to a public man who is bringing out
+something novel and of interest to the public at large. It certainly
+seems to me judicious that he should give his preliminary ideas
+regarding it to the public firsthand, instead of allowing them to leak
+out in an unauthentic and disfigured form through the fervid
+imaginations of irresponsible scribes, leading to much misconception.
+
+[Illustration: CARICATURE OF ME BY MY DAUGHTER, AGE 15.]
+
+But I do object to the incapable, be he an interviewer wielding the
+pencil or the pen. To illustrate my meaning I shall take the latter
+first. The pen in this case did his work in true professional style. He
+came to interview me, and by doing so to "boom" me for a journal which
+was about to make a feature of my contributions to its pages. He brought
+with him a new note-book of remarkable size; an artist with a portfolio,
+pencils, and other artistic necessities; and a photographer! The
+interviewer shall describe the scene in his own words.
+
+[Illustration: A SERIOUS PORTRAIT--FROM LIFE.]
+
+The interviewer remarked that the readers of the ----"would be very
+interested in knowing exactly how the thing (interviewing) was done. How
+did the ideas come? How did they take shape? And what was the method of
+work? Neither at these nor at any other questions did Mr. Furniss wince.
+It must not be forgotten that when he was in America last year he was
+interviewed, on an average, once a day; and a man who has passed through
+such an experience as that is unlikely to recoil before any ordinary
+ordeal; although Mr. Furniss was bound to admit that a combination of
+interviewer, artist, and photographer had never before got him into his
+grip. The situation would have had its ludicrous side for anybody who
+had chanced to peep through the skylight. The spectacle of five men (for
+the presence of the indefatigable secretary was an indispensable part of
+the proceedings) all solemnly drinking tea, while a deer-hound kept a
+wistful eye on the sugar-basin, was unusual, and perhaps a little
+grotesque--to all save the participants. Seated at his easel in the
+characteristic position represented in our sketch, Mr. Furniss would now
+and again ask permission to move his arm towards his cup of tea, and
+would then bend back to the make-belief work at which he was posing."
+There is a picture of interviewing! Everything so prepared, so studied,
+so well described to impress the subscribers of the enterprising
+journal. The photographer with a wide angle lens took in all that was in
+my studio--to "make-believe," as the camera invariably does, that the
+apartment was six times larger than it really is. But the artist, who
+_should_ idealise if the photographer could not, who so sadly interfered
+with my enjoying my tea, who was sent to make the most of me to raise
+the enthusiasm of the readers and to increase the subscriptions,
+succeeded in doing with his pencil what no interviewer has done with his
+pen,--he made me wince! Here is a reduction of the serious portrait
+published.
+
+I have sat down time after time to answer young correspondents'
+questions about the "system" to adopt for the production of caricature.
+I invariably end by drawing imaginary caricatures of my correspondent
+and fail to reply. When interviewed on the subject of caricature, I
+discourse on the history of the Pre-Raphaelite movement, and the
+technique in the work of Burne-Jones, Rossetti, and Holman Hunt, and
+caricature is therefore driven from our minds.
+
+However, the difficulty was solved in a very unexpected manner. One day,
+whilst smoking my cigar after lunch, I overheard an interview in my
+studio, which I here reproduce.
+
+A Pencil of mine was working away merrily shortly after the opening of
+the Session, when suddenly my favourite Pen flew off the writing-table,
+where it had been enjoying a quiet forty winks, and alighted on the
+easel.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"How very awkward you are!" cried the Pencil. "See, you have knocked
+against and so agitated me that I have actually given Sir William an
+extra chin."
+
+"One more or less does not matter, does it?" rejoined the Pen. "I
+apologise, and trust you will make allowances for me, as I am only an
+artist's Pen, don't you know, and naturally rather uncouth, I fear."
+
+"Pray take a seat upon the indiarubber, and let me know to what I am
+indebted for the honour of this visit."
+
+"Well," continued the Pen, "I have flown over here to remind you of your
+promise to confess to me some of the secrets of caricature."
+
+"Ah, yes," replied the Pencil, "I remember now. I have really been so
+busy sketching Members of Parliament at St. Stephen's, that I had almost
+forgotten my promise."
+
+"A poor Pen is out of place in an artist's studio, except to minister to
+the requirements of the autograph hunter. Well, you need not be jealous.
+My literary flight is not intended to be a very high one after all. Now
+you know more about the secrets of the studio than I do; so tell me, is
+it the custom of H. F. to have a regular sitting for a caricature, after
+the fashion of the portrait painters?"
+
+"Oh, you are too delightfully innocent altogether," laughed the Pencil,
+rubbing its leaden head rapidly on a piece of paper, to sharpen its
+point. "A regular sitting! What do _you_ think? No, sir, no,
+emphatically never. Such an operation would be fatal to the delicate
+constitution of a caricature, and the result would not be worth the
+paper upon which it is drawn. It is only in ordinary portraiture that a
+sitting is required, and upon that point I have a theory."
+
+"Oh, never mind your theories now, old fellow," rejoined the Pen, as it
+took a sip of ink and prepared to chronicle the reply. "What I want to
+chat to you about at present is how to catch a caricature."
+
+The Pencil pricked up his ears, and with a knowing wink, said:
+
+"Ah, I see! You want to know secrets. Well, I will tell you 'how it's
+done.' The great point about a caricature is that it must be caught
+unawares. A man when he thinks he is unobserved struts about gaily, just
+for all the world like a hedgehog. All his peculiarities are then as
+evident as your cousins the quills upon the back of the fretful
+porcupine. But the moment the man or woman who is about to be
+caricatured observes H. F. take me in hand, I always notice that he
+shrivels up and collapses as quickly as one of the insectivora surprised
+at his feast. But wait a moment: now you ask me, I do recollect one
+unfortunate man who, despite H. F.'s protest, insisted upon coming here
+once to sit for a caricature. He looked the picture of misery, and sat
+in the chair there, just as if he were at a dentist's. H. F. made a most
+flattering portrait. Indeed, so much too handsome was it that I could
+hardly follow the workings of his fingers, I was laughing so."
+
+"'Oh, what a relief!' cried the sitter, when H. F. showed him the
+drawing. 'You have certainly made a pretty guy of me, but, thank heaven,
+I am not thin-skinned.'
+
+"'Only thick-headed,' muttered H. F. _sotto voce_ to me as he continued
+to chat with the sitter.
+
+"No sooner had he left the studio than the 'study' was in the fire, and
+the caricature which afterwards came from the Furniss was drawn entirely
+from memory.
+
+"The artist is in more evil case when he has absolutely no chance
+whatever of making the slightest memorandum, for he must trust to memory
+alone," remarked the Pencil.
+
+"Yet Pellegrini boasted that he always trusted to memory," said the Pen.
+
+"I know he did," replied the Pencil, "and more than once chaffed H. F.
+for bringing me out. H. F., I know, has the greatest admiration for most
+of Pellegrini's work, but thinks that 'Ape' certainly had the failing
+common to all Italian caricaturists of being cruel rather than funny. I
+may mention too, here, an incident for the truth of which H. F. can
+vouch, and which illustrates another weakness of the inhabitants of the
+Sunny South. When the poor fellow was ill a friend of his one day set to
+work to put his room in order, and in moving a screen was surprised to
+find behind it a number of soiled shirts. He began to count them over
+with a view to sending them to the laundry, when Pellegrini starting up
+exclaimed, 'You fellow! you leave my shirts there, or I am a ruined man.
+Don't you see they are my "shtock in drade"?' And sure enough upon the
+huge familiar linen cuffs were numerous notes in pencil--sketches, in
+fact, from life for coming caricatures. Now, when H. F. intends to trust
+entirely to memory, I often find that he makes a note in writing after
+this fashion: 'Like So-and-so, with a difference,'--and the difference
+is noted. Or 'Think of an animal, a bird, or a fish, and to that add
+So-and-so, and subtract So-and-so,' and this results in a portrait. For
+instance, if he saw a man like this, I should not be surprised by his
+writing a single word as 'Penguin' for his guidance, and so on."
+
+[Illustration: "PENGUIN."]
+
+"The old caricaturists, I suppose, had a decided advantage over the
+moderns in having artistic costumes to depict?" asked the Pen.
+
+"Of course," replied the Pencil. "Even up to the time of Seymour the
+tailor made the man, and was, therefore, largely responsible for the
+caricature. You have only to see Mr. Brown in the ordinary attire of
+to-day and also in Court dress to appreciate this, and sympathise with
+me."
+
+[Illustration: MR. BROWN, ORDINARY ATTIRE.]
+
+[Illustration: COURT DRESS.]
+
+"Now here is another point," continued the Pen, "upon which you can
+throw some light, old fellow. I have often seen letters on the
+writing-table from people asking H. F. for his recipe for the making of
+caricatures. I invariably scribble the same reply, 'Find out the chief
+points and exaggerate them.' Not satisfied with this, some have asked
+him to explain his _modus operandi_." "I recollect an instance," replied
+the Pencil. "It was in the studio here. An interviewer called, and asked
+H. F. to explain the art of caricature. So he took down a volume of
+portraits from the book-shelves, and opened it at this one. You see it
+is the head of a man who should be universally respected by us of the
+grey goose fraternity. 'Well, you see there is not much to caricature,'
+said H. F.; 'it is simply the portrait of a kindly, intellectual-looking
+man, the late Chief Librarian of the British Museum, I remember well,"
+continued the Pencil, brightening up, "H. F. took me in hand, and
+telling me to knock over the forehead, keep in the eyes, pull the nose,
+and wipe off the chin, produced a caricature 'on the spot.'"
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"I suppose sometimes you find caricatures ready-made, Mr. Pencil?"
+continued the Pen.
+
+[Illustration: A CARICATURE.]
+
+[Illustration: _NOT_ A CARICATURE.]
+
+"Of course we do," replied the Pencil. "Nature will have her joke
+sometimes, nor can we blame her, for it is only by reason of contrast
+that we admire the beautiful. _A propos_ of this, my dear Pen, I may
+tell you that in county Wexford, in Ireland, there is a certain very
+beautiful estate, round which runs a carefully-built wall. At a
+particular point the regularity ceases, and the wall runs on,
+constructed in every conceivable style, and contrary to all the canons
+of masonry. There is a legend that the owner of the estate, tired of the
+monotonous appearance of the wall, ordered that a certain space should
+be left in it which should be filled up with a barrier as irregular in
+construction as possible. This was done, and that portion of the wall is
+called the 'Ha-ha!' because so funny does it look that everyone who
+passes is observed to laugh. Now is it not much the same in Nature? A
+world full of Venuses and Adonises would soon pall. So now and then we
+find a human 'Ha-ha!' interspersed among them. In that case, I say, the
+caricaturist's work is already done. He has simply to copy Nature. Yet
+there are some who actually find fault with H. F. for doing that very
+thing, saying that his pencil (that's me) is 'unkind,' 'cruel,' 'gross,'
+and so on. There are many M.P.'s whom he habitually draws without the
+slightest exaggeration, notwithstanding which, Mr. Pen, there are
+members of your calling who do not scruple to inform the world that in
+drawing the Parliamentary 'Ha-ha!' as he is, H. F. is libelling him.
+There is one M.P. in particular---- No, I shall not give his name or
+show his portrait. I believe him to be very clever, very interesting,
+undeniably a great man, and extremely vain of his personal appearance.
+But he is built contrary to all the laws of Nature, and if H. F. draws
+him as he is, he is accused of libelling him. If he improves him, no one
+knows him. Oh, Mr. Pen, you may take it from me that the lot of the
+caricaturist is not a happy one."
+
+"For the matter of that," put in the Pen, "neither is the painter's. You
+know Gay's lines:
+
+              "So very like, a painter drew,
+              That every eye the picture knew,
+              He hit complexion, feature, air,
+              So just, the life itself was there.
+              He gave each muscle all its strength,
+              The mouth, the chin, the nose's length,
+              His honest pencil touched with truth,
+              And marked the date of age and youth.
+              He lost his friends, his practice failed,--
+              Truth should not always be revealed."
+
+But Gay did not live in the days of Sargent!"
+
+"We are getting on nicely," said the Pen. "Now answer a question which
+is often put to me--viz., why caricaturists eschew paint?"
+
+"Because," replied the Pencil, "people often seem to forget that in the
+present day, when events follow each other in quick succession, a
+subject becomes stale almost before the traditional nine days' interest
+in it has expired--that paint is no longer the medium by which a
+caricaturist can possibly express his thoughts. Of course, I am not
+referring to mere tinting, such as that in which the old caricaturists
+had their drawings reproduced, but to colouring in oils, after the
+manner of the great satirist Hogarth. Some may remember H. F.'s
+caricature in _Punch_ of the late Serjeant-at-Arms, Captain Gosset, as a
+black-beetle. Now, had he painted a full-length portrait of him, and
+sent it elaborately framed to the Royal Academy, it would not only have
+taken him very much longer to execute, but the Captain would not have
+looked a whit more like a black-beetle than he did in black and white in
+the pages of _Punch_.
+
+"It must be remembered, also, that in caricature everything depends upon
+contrast. For instance, in a Parliamentary sketch he can easily make Sir
+William Harcourt inflate himself to such an extent that he occupies a
+good third of the picture, but were he to paint a portrait of him of
+similar proportions it would be necessary to take the roof off
+Burlington House and bring over the Eiffel Tower to which to hang the
+enormous frame that would be requisite. Moreover, there would be an
+additional disadvantage, for it would be impossible to take in the whole
+figure at once, and it would be necessary to mount the first platform at
+least to obtain a peep at even the lowest of the series of chins which
+distinguishes the descendant of kings. However, it is just on the cards
+that some day he may open a Parliamentary Portrait Gallery, and then I
+can promise that Sir William will have justice done to him at last.
+Sixteen yards of 'Historicus' would assuredly be enough to draw the
+town. But, in point of fact, it would be just as reasonable to ask an
+actor why he is not an opera singer as well, or to ask an opera singer
+why he does not dispense with the music and play in legitimate tragedy,
+as to enquire of a modern caricaturist why he does not work in colours."
+
+The Pencil, after the delivery of this discourse, rolled over to the
+barber-knife, who trimmed him up.
+
+"There are some people," continued the Pen, "who object to be sketched
+in any shape or form. I recollect an editor once challenging H. F. to
+get a sketch of an interesting man who had defied photographers and
+artists alike, and absolutely refused to have his portrait taken. You
+will find a paragraph about this in press-cutting book, marked 'Pritt.'
+Just read it when I'm being attended to."
+
+  "Mr. Pritt, Leeds, is reckoned chief of the Yorkshire anglers. 'A
+  striking peculiarity with him,' a Yorkshire correspondent says, 'is that
+  he never will sit for his likeness. Mr. Harry Furniss, however, the
+  well-known artist of _Punch_, during his recent visit to Leeds, on the
+  occasion of the meeting of the British Association, managed to 'take'
+  Mr. Pritt; and the portrait, drawn in characteristic style, appears in
+  the _Yorkshire Weekly_ under the heading 'Caught at Last'."
+
+"Yes, that's it. H. F. was invited to dine by this curious and clever
+individual.
+
+"'Delighted to see you, Mr. Furniss; but _one_ thing I must ask you to
+understand _at once_--I'm not going to be sketched.'
+
+"'I assure you,' he said, 'I shall not sketch you unless you are well
+aware I am drawing you, and, in fact, willingly give me assistance.'
+
+"'That's very good of you. Now I am happy. I have made up my mind I
+shall never allow my face to be drawn or photographed, and once I make
+up my mind nothing in the world will move me.'
+
+"'Indeed!' he replied. 'But, pardon me, you have not always had that
+antipathy. I am looking at a photograph of you hanging on the wall
+there, taken when you were a baby.'
+
+"'Oh, ah! Do you detect that? No one knows it to be me. Of course, I was
+not accountable for my actions at that age.'
+
+"'Ah, how you have altered! Dear me! why, your nose is not that shape
+now. Here it is Roman; you have a sort of----'
+
+"'Have a--what, eh?'
+
+"'Have you a pencil?' (Taking me out.) 'This will do. Now, your nose is
+like that.'
+
+"'Is it? But my mouth is the same, isn't it?'
+
+"'Not quite--I will show you.'
+
+"'Of course, my chin isn't as round?'
+
+"'Oh, no! It's more like this. And you have less hair--see here.'
+
+"'Dear me! Of course, one can see who this is. This astonishes me.'
+
+"Someone else coming in at that moment, he quickly pocketed the sketch
+and me, and, much to his host's chagrin, it was duly published as a
+portrait of the gentleman from a 'special sitting'--'Caught at Last.'
+
+[Illustration: THE EDITOR OF _PUNCH_ SITS FOR HIS PORTRAIT.]
+
+"This reminds me, by the way, of a portrait which H. F. once drew of the
+author of 'Happy Thoughts' as a frontispiece to a new edition of that
+humorous book of books. Our guv'nor's first effort at this portrait was
+distinctly a failure, and no wonder, for the moment I was produced the
+editor of _Punch_ turned his back upon us, and, with the greatest
+vigour, commenced writing at his table. Not being so intimate then with
+Mr. Burnand as we subsequently became, both I and the guv'nor thought
+him peculiar. But after a considerable time the editorial chair was
+wheeled round, and with a smile its genial occupant said calmly, 'Well,
+let me see the result.'
+
+"'The result is _nil_ at present,' replied H. F., 'for I have not yet
+caught a glimpse of your face.'
+
+"Mr. Burnand looked surprised. 'Dear me!' he said; 'I thought you were
+making a study of me at work, you know.'
+
+"'All I could see was the back of your head in silhouette. There
+now--sit just as you are, please. That's exactly the pose and expression
+which I want to catch. Thanks!' cried the guv'nor, as he rapidly set to
+work, when suddenly all cheerfulness vanished from Mr. Burnand's
+countenance, as with a horrified look he pointed to the table by my
+side, where lay the sketching materials.
+
+"'What's that?' he cried, dismayed.
+
+"'Oh, a lump of bread, useful in touching up high lights,' said H. F.
+
+"'You don't say so! The sight of it quite upset me. I really thought you
+had brought your supper with you, and intended to work from me all
+night. I shall never recover my natural expression this evening, so
+please call again.' And as H. F. closed his sketch-book, the following
+brief colloquy took place:
+
+"The editor of 'Happy Thoughts': 'Caught anything?'
+
+"H. F.: 'No.'
+
+"The editor: 'Good evening!'
+
+"And the door closed.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Frequently a subject has posed for H. F. without being aware of the
+fact that he was making a sketch. For instance, in his happy hunting
+ground--Parliament--Brown, M.P., say, comes up to him in the Lobby: 'Ha!
+I see you are up to mischief--taking someone off.'
+
+"H. F. gives a knowing look, and points to Jones.
+
+"'Ha! ha! I see. I'll talk to him. Ha! ha! and I'll look out for the
+caricature. Don't be too hard on poor Jones!'
+
+"'Thanks, awfully,' replies H. F. He makes a rapid sketch, nods to Brown
+as much as to say, 'That'll do,' smiles, and walks off. He has of course
+never troubled about Jones at all; it's Brown he has been sketching all
+the time.
+
+"It is utterly absurd to imagine you can escape from the caricaturist.
+
+"H. F. trained himself to make sketches with his hand in his pocket, and
+worked away with me and his book--or rather cards, which he had
+specially for the purpose--whilst looking straight into the face of his
+victim. He manages in this way to sketch people sitting opposite to him
+in the train, and sometimes when talking to them all the time.
+
+"You know that without special permission from the Lord High Great
+Chamberlain no stranger is allowed to pass the door of the English House
+of Lords, even when it is empty; but when the precious Peers are
+sitting, the difficulty of making a sketch is too great for description.
+You are not allowed to sit down, speak, smile, sneeze, or sketch. H. F.
+once produced me in the House of Lords. Had he drawn a sword instead of
+a pencil he could not have created greater consternation. Explanation
+was useless. The officials knew that he was only for 'takkin' notes' for
+_Punch_, but the vision of a pencil produced an effect upon them the
+same as if they had caught sight of an infernal machine. But necessity
+is the mother of invention. It was then he hit upon the plan I have just
+told you about. He draws in his pocket. Keeping the card against his
+leg, he sketches quite easily. A pocket Hercules is an oft enough
+heard-of individual--so why not a pocket artist?
+
+[Illustration: SKETCH ON A SHIRT-CUFF.]
+
+"Previous to this he used to make a rapid note on his shirt-cuff; but
+that is a dangerous practice. Wives might resent the face if it were too
+pretty, and your washerwoman might recognise a Member of Parliament as
+her intimate friend. The incident which cured him of using his
+shirt-cuff for sketching happened at a large dinner, where he was
+introduced to the wife of a well-known public man, who soon showed she
+was not altogether pleased by the introduction, and truly at the moment
+he had forgotten that he had made a sketch of the lady on his
+shirt-cuff, which he did not take sufficient care to conceal.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"I recollect once on the terrace of the House of Commons he was
+sketching a lady of foreign extraction, the wife of a gentleman
+well-known to the Irish Party, with a profile something like this. I
+made the sketch, unfortunately, on the marble tea-table. When H. F.'s
+friends were leaving, he found he could not rub this off the table, and
+what embarrassed him more was the fact that some Irish Members were
+bearing down to take possession of the table as soon as we left. I had a
+rapid vision of our guv'nor floating in the Thames, being hurled over by
+the infuriated Members from the Emerald Isle; so I quickly transformed
+the lady into something resembling a popular Member of Parliament at the
+time, and, as we were leaving, I overheard an Irish Member say, 'Bedad!
+and Furniss has been dhrawin' that owld beauty, Mundella!'
+
+[Illustration: "MUNDELLA."]
+
+"Have you anything new?" asked the Pen. "May I look? I know that St.
+Stephen's is your happy hunting ground."
+
+"Ah, yes," responded the Pencil, "I know it well. But I can tell you it
+is not altogether a bed of roses. When we come across Members who have
+taken liberties with their personal appearance during the recess, H. F.
+and I resent it, I can tell you."
+
+"Naturally," observed the Pen in a voice of the utmost sympathy, "for it
+means more work."
+
+"Of course," continued the Pencil. "Now I have always held that model M.
+P.'s have no right to alter. They are the property of the political
+caricaturist, and what on earth is to become of him if the bearded men
+begin to shave and the smooth-faced to disguise themselves in
+'mutton-chops' or 'Dundrearys'? Yet they _will_ do it. We may draw them
+in their new guise, but the public won't have them at any price. They
+want their old favourites, and if they miss a well-known 'Imperial,' a
+moustache, a pair of dyed whiskers, or other such hall-mark in the
+picture, or on the other hand find a set of familiar chins concealed
+beneath an incipient Newgate fringe, a nose and chin which have been
+accustomed to meet for many a long year suddenly divided by the
+intrusion of a bristly moustache, or a delightfully asinine expression
+lost under the influence of a pair of bushy side-whiskers, recognition
+becomes impossible and the caricature falls flat. The fact is, my friend
+Pen, it is not only their features, but their characteristic attitudes
+which we make familiar, and their political differences cause the
+artistic effect. To me it is marvellous to note how differently artists
+draw the same head. Expression of course varies, but the construction of
+the head must always remain the same. Yet I have seen no less a head
+than that of Mr. Gladstone so altered in appearance in the work of
+different artists that I have been forcibly reminded of the old story of
+St. Peter's skull. A tourist travelling in Italy was shown a cranium at
+Rome which he was assured was the veritable relic. In Florence he was
+shown another, and somewhere else he was shown a third. Upon his
+remonstrating the guide observed, 'It is quite right, sir: the skull you
+saw at Rome was that of St. Peter when he was a boy; that at Florence
+was his when he was a young man, and this was his skull when he died.'
+
+"Then again, familiarity with the subject is only arrived at by
+continually watching and sketching a Member. A few years ago I was lying
+down in my berth in the sketch-book which was in H. F.'s pocket, when I
+overheard a conversation between him and Mr. Labouchere upon
+Parliamentary portraits."
+
+"What did H. F. say about them?" asked the Pen. "He ought to know the
+alphabet of Parliamentary portraiture at all events by this time."
+
+"You're right," nodded the Pencil. "He's drawn a few thousand of them in
+his time. What did H. F. say? Well, he told Labouchere that he always
+created a type for each Member, and to that he adheres."
+
+"'Yes,' said the Sage, late of Queen Anne's Gate, 'and when the original
+turns up, those who derive their impression of a Member from your
+sketches are disappointed if the two do not exactly tally.'"
+
+"But surely our guv'nor does not sketch direct from life?" asked the
+Pen, amazed.
+
+"Of course he does," indignantly replied the Pencil. "He whips me out of
+my bed at all times, but as he pointed out to the Member for Northampton
+(see how Parliamentary I am getting), it would never do invariably to
+sketch a man as you see him. 'For instance,' went on H. F. addressing
+him, 'I made a sketch of you, Mr. Labouchere, in the corridor of the
+House of Commons, kneeling on a seat, and had I never seen you before, I
+should have no doubt used this as a characteristic instead of an
+accidental attitude of yours.'
+
+"Just fancy what you would have written, my dear Pen, if you had seen in
+_Punch_ one of H. F.'s portraits of Lord Hartington with his hat upon
+the back of his head instead of over his eyes, or Mr. Gladstone depicted
+with a Shakespeare collar, or Mr. Cyril Flower without one, or Mr.
+Arnold Morley smiling, or Mr. Balfour looking cross, or Mr. Broadhurst
+in evening dress, or Mr. Chamberlain without an orchid in the
+button-hole of his coat! Yet I venture to say the time has been when Mr.
+Chamberlain may have had to rush down to the House orchidless, and when
+Mr. Broadhurst may have worn evening dress. Stranger things than that
+have happened, I can tell you. I have actually seen the irrepressible
+smile vanish from the face of Mr. John Morley. But never--no, never,
+will I believe that the ex-Chief Liberal Whip has ever looked jovial,
+that Mr. Gladstone and Mr. Cyril Flower ever exchanged collars, or that
+Lord Hartington ever wore his hat at the back of his head.
+
+[Illustration: MR. LABOUCHERE.]
+
+"On the other hand, my dear Pen, you know as well as I do that Lord
+Randolph Churchill did not wear imitation G.O.M. collars, that Mr.
+Herbert Gladstone is no longer in his teens, that Mr. Gladstone was not
+always so wild-looking as H. F. usually represented him, and that
+perhaps Sir William Harcourt is not simply an elephantine mass of
+egotism."
+
+"Then why did he draw them so?" enquired the Pen.
+
+"Ah! that is the secret of the caricaturist," laughed the Pencil. "There
+is something more in politicians, you know, than meets the eye, and the
+caricaturist tries to record it. You're so captious, my dear Pen. It is
+not given to everyone to see a portrait properly, however true it may
+be. Some folks there are who are colour-blind. There are others who are
+portrait-blind. Others again are blind to the humorous. An old M.P.
+came up to H. F. one day in the Lobby of the House of Commons when a new
+Parliament had assembled for the first time, and said to him, 'Well, you
+have a rich harvest for your pencil (that was me). I never saw such odd
+specimens of humanity assembled together before.'
+
+[Illustration: THE M.P. REAL AND IDEAL.]
+
+"'That may be so,' replied H. F., 'but mark my words, after a session or
+two, my comic sketches of the Members--for which, by the way, the
+specimens you are looking at are merely notes, and which you are now
+good enough to call faithful portraits--will become so familiar to you
+that they will cease to amuse you. And you may even come to pronounce
+them gross libels. In other words, you will find that their frequent
+repetition will rob them in your eyes of their comic character
+altogether, just as in the case with the attendants at the Zoo, on whose
+faces you will fail to detect the ghost of a smile at the most
+outrageous pranks of the monkeys, although you shall see everyone else
+in the place convulsed with laughter.'"
+
+"But surely, Mr. Pencil," argued the Pen, "you lose friends by
+caricaturing them?"
+
+"Not those who are worthy of friendship," replied the Pencil, with a
+solemn air. "And those who cannot take a joke are not worthy of it. H.
+F. is not a portrait painter. It makes the lead turn in my case to
+witness the snobbishness which exists nowadays among certain
+thin-skinned artists and writers. The Society grub has eaten the heart
+out of all true artistic ambitions. An honest satirist has no chance
+nowadays. He must not draw what he sees, or write what he really thinks
+about it. Pleasing wishy-washiness is idolised, whilst Hogarth is voted
+coarse. Great Scott! How this age of cigarettes and lemon squash would
+have stirred the pulse and nerved the brush of the greatest of English
+caricaturists!"
+
+[Illustration: THE PHOTO. AS HE REALLY IS.]
+
+Then as the Pencil wiped away a tear of regret for the decadence of
+English satirical art the Pen jotted down the following lines culled
+from the old tomb-stone at Chiswick:
+
+                "If Genius fire thee Stranger stay,
+                If Nature touch thee, drop a tear.
+                If neither move thee, turn away,
+                For Hogarth's honoured dust lies here."
+
+"When he has not seen a Member, and has no reference to go by, how does
+he manage?"
+
+"He does not find photography of much use. Sometimes, if he has to draw
+a man for some special reason, and has not seen him, a photograph is, of
+course, the only means possible; then he generally gets a letter
+something like this:
+
+  "'Dear Sir,--I enclose you a photograph of myself, the only one I
+  possess. It belongs to my wife, and she has reluctantly lent it, and
+  trusts you will take every care of it and return it at once. It was
+  taken on our wedding trip. I may mention that I have less hair at the
+  top of my head and more on my face, and I may seem to some a trifle
+  older.'
+
+"Well, here, you see, H. F. has to use his judgment.
+
+"But to my surprise H. F. received a visit from the original of the
+photograph shortly after his sketch was published, who came to inform
+the guv'nor that no one could possibly recognise him in the sketch; and
+when I saw him in the flesh I quite believed him. You can judge from the
+sketch how useful the photograph was.
+
+"The second appearance of the new and ambitious M.P. in the pages of
+_Punch_ did not satisfy the legislator either. It was not his face he
+took exception to, but his boots, like Mr. Goldfinch in 'A Pair of
+Spectacles.' He lost faith in his bootmaker, squeezed his extremities
+into patent leather shoes of the most approved and uncomfortable make,
+and hobbled through the Lobbies doing penance at the shrine of
+caricature. A caricature, you see, does not depend upon the face alone.
+
+"One of H. F.'s earliest Parliamentary caricatures was a sketch of Mr.
+Henry Broadhurst, the deservedly popular representative of the working
+classes. He was Member for Stoke when the sketch was made. There is no
+affectation about him. Neither the skin that covers his solid frame nor
+that which encases his active feet is thin. His figure is one of the
+best known and most characteristic in Parliament. Who is not familiar
+with the round, determined little head, with the short cropped hair, the
+square-cut beard, the shrewd expression, the genial smile, the short
+jacket, the horsey trousers, the round hat, and the thick boots? The
+figure often appeared in Mr. Punch's Parliamentary Portrait Gallery.
+When our friend the late William Woodall introduced his fellow-candidate
+to the electors of Stoke a voice cried out, 'We know 'im! we know 'im!
+We've seen 'is boots in _Punch!_'
+
+"No one can deny that the potters of Staffordshire are an artistic
+public.
+
+"The late chief proprietor of the leading paper had the largest feet
+ever seen in the House of Commons, and a certain noble lord whose name
+will ever be connected with Majuba carries off the palm for the largest
+in the Upper House. The new Member for ---- will, in due course, owe his
+Parliamentary fame to the extraordinary heels of his boots, if nothing
+else, just as the late Lord Hardwicke's reputation was due to the
+mysterious shine of his hat.
+
+"But, judging from the illustrated papers, M.P.'s all wear spats, new
+trousers every day (for they never have a crease), the most
+beautifully-fitting coats, and white hats with black bands round them.
+Why are they drawn so?" asked the Pen.
+
+"Excuse the familiar vulgar rejoinder--Ask me another."
+
+"I hear it said that you never caricature women."
+
+"What rot! Have I not worked in illustrating the Members of the Houses
+of Parliament for years, to say nothing of Judges and--their wives?"
+
+"I mean young women."
+
+"Oh, really I have no time to answer these questions; here are a bundle
+of my unpublished caricatures; take them and be off."
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER VI.
+
+PARLIAMENTARY CONFESSIONS.
+
+  Gladstone and Disraeli--A Contrast--An unauthenticated Incident--Lord
+   Beaconsfield's last Visit to the House of Commons--My Serious
+   Sketch--Historical--Mr. Gladstone--His Portraits--What he thought of
+   the Artists--Sir J. E. Millais--Frank Holl--The Despatch
+   Boxes--Impressions--Disraeli--Dan O'Connell--Procedure--American
+   Wit--Toys--Wine--Pressure--Sandwich Soirée--The G.O.M. dines with
+   "Toby, M.P."--Walking--Quivering--My Desk--An Interview--Political
+   Caricaturists--Signature in Sycamore--Scenes in the Commons--Joseph
+   Gillis Biggar--My Double--Scenes--Divisions--Puck--Sir R.
+   Temple--Charles Stewart Parnell--A Study--Quick Changes--His Fall--Room
+   15--The last Time I saw him--Lord Randolph Churchill--His Youth--His
+   Height--His Fickleness--His Hair--His Health--His Fall--Lord
+   Iddesleigh--Sir Stafford and Mr. Gladstone--Bradlaugh--His Youth--His
+   Parents--His Tactics--His Fight--His Extinction--John Bright--Jacob
+   Bright--Sir Isaac Holden--Lord Derby--A Political Prophecy--A Lucky
+   Guess--My Confession in the _Times_--The Joke that Failed--The
+   Seer--Fair Play--I deny being a Conservative--I am
+   Encouraged--Chaff--Reprimanded--Misprinted--Misunderstood.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: THE INNER LOBBY OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS.]
+
+[Illustration:
+  1. Dr. Tanner
+  2. Rt. Hon. A. Akers-Douglas
+  3. Lord A. Hill
+  4. G. Cavendish-Bentinck
+  5. J. A. Pinton
+  6. Sir W. H. Houldaworth
+  7. Sir Albert K. Rollit
+  8. Rt. Hon. H. Chaplin
+  9. Sir E. Waskin
+  10. T. W. Rusell
+  11. Rt. Hon. C. B. Spencer
+  12. Christopher Sykes
+  13. Lord Halabury
+  14. H. Lubouchere
+  15. T. Sexton
+  16. Sir R. H. Fowler
+  17. Earl Spencer
+  18. Rt. Hon. J. Chamberlain
+  19. Admiral Field
+  20. Sir Frank Lockwood
+  21. Rt. Hon J. B. Balfour
+  22. Wm. Woodall
+  23. F. Ashmead Bartlett
+  24. Baden-Powell
+  25. Sir T. W. Maclure
+  26. Marquis of Hartington (Duke of Devonshire)
+  27. Sir R. Temple
+  28.  }
+  29.  } Press
+  30.  }
+  31.  }
+  32. H. W. Lucy (_Toby M.P._).
+  33. Rt. Hon. John Morley
+  34. Lord Randolph Churchill
+  35. Press (_Times_)
+  36.  "    "
+  37. J. Henniker Heaton
+  38. James A. Jacoby
+  39. Sir H. H. Howorth
+  40. P. Power
+  41. C. S. Parnell]
+
+
+Some years before Mr. Disraeli quitted the House of Commons upon his
+elevation to the Peerage, I enjoyed witnessing a very remarkable
+encounter between him and Mr. Gladstone. It was one of those passage
+of arms, or to be more correct I should say, perhaps, of words, which in
+the days of their Parliamentary youth were so frequent between the great
+political rivals; and although I am unable to recall the particular
+subject of the debate, or the exact date of its occurrence, I well
+remember that Mr. Gladstone had launched a tremendous attack against his
+opponent. However, notwithstanding the fact that from the outset of his
+speech it was evident that Mr. Gladstone meant war to the knife, that as
+it proceeded he waxed more and more hostile, and that his peroration was
+couched in the most vehement terms, Disraeli remained to the finish as
+if utterly unmoved, sitting in his customary attitude as though he were
+asleep, with his arms hanging listlessly at his sides. Once only during
+the progress of the attack he appeared to wake up, when, taking his
+single eye-glass, which he usually kept in a pocket of his waistcoat,
+between his finger and thumb, he calmly surveyed the House as if to
+satisfy himself how it was composed, just as an experienced cricketer
+eyes the field before batting, in order to see how the enemy are
+placed. Then, having taken stock of those present, the eye-glass was
+replaced in his pocket, and to all appearance he once more subsided into
+a tranquil slumber. But this was only a feint, for the very instant that
+Mr. Gladstone sat down up jumped Disraeli. The contrast between his
+method and that of Mr. Gladstone was very noticeable. Placing one hand
+artistically upon the box in front of him, and the other under his coat
+tails, he commenced to speak, and in the calmest manner possible,
+although with the most telling and polished satire, he aimed dart after
+dart across the table at Mr. Gladstone. As he proceeded to traverse the
+speech of his distinguished opponent with the most perfect and effective
+skill, it soon became evident that in reality he had slept with one eye
+open. With masterly tact, he had reserved the principal point in his
+reply to the end, and then, bringing his full force to bear upon it, the
+conclusion of his speech told with redoubled effect.
+
+[Illustration: LORD BEACONSFIELD. A SKETCH FROM LIFE.]
+
+Whilst upon the subject of Mr. Gladstone and Lord Beaconsfield, I may
+narrate a remarkable story, although I am unable to vouch for the
+accuracy of it, as I cannot remember who was my original informant, nor
+among my friends in or out of Parliament have I succeeded in discovering
+anyone who actually witnessed the incident to which it refers. Should it
+turn out to be an invention, like the champagne jelly of Lord
+Beaconsfield or the eye-glass of Mr. Bright, I shall no doubt be
+corrected. But if on the contrary the anecdote be authentic, I may earn
+some thanks for resuscitating it. In any case I can testify that at the
+time the story was told to me I had undoubtedly every reason to believe
+that it was true.
+
+A similar scene to that which I have described above was taking place in
+the House between Mr. Gladstone and Mr. Disraeli, when the latter in the
+course of his remarks had occasion to quote a passage from a recent
+speech made by his rival upon some platform in the country.
+
+Suddenly Mr. Gladstone started up and exclaimed:
+
+"I never said that in my life!"
+
+Disraeli was silent, and, putting his hands behind his back, simply
+gazed apparently in blank astonishment at the box in front of him.
+Several seconds went by, but he never moved. The members in the crowded
+House looked from one to the other, and many imagined that Disraeli was
+merely waiting for his opponent to apologise. But Mr. Gladstone, who had
+a habit, which he developed in later years, of chatting volubly to his
+neighbour during any interruption of this kind in which he was
+concerned, made no sign. A minute passed, but the sphinx did not move.
+
+A minute and a quarter, but he was still motionless.
+
+A minute and a half of this silence seemed as if it was an hour.
+
+When the second minute was completed, the excitement in the House began
+to grow intense. Disraeli seemed to be transfixed. Was he ill? Was the
+great man sulking? What could this strange silence portend?
+
+Two minutes and a half!
+
+Some Members rose and approached him, but Disraeli raised his hand as if
+to deprecate their interference, and they stole back to their places
+conscious that they were forbidden to interrupt. Then, at last, when the
+second hand of the clock had passed three times round its course, the
+most remarkable silence which the House had ever experienced within
+living memory was broken as the Tory leader slowly began once more to
+speak.
+
+"'Mr. Chairman,'" he said, "'and gentlemen,'" and then word for word he
+repeated the whole speech of Mr. Gladstone from which he had made his
+quotation, duly introducing the particular passage which the Liberal
+leader had denied. Then he paused and looked across at his rival. The
+challenge was not to be avoided, and Mr. Gladstone bowed. He would have
+raised his hat did he wear one in the House, which, in the phraseology
+of the ring, was equivalent to throwing up the sponge. Mr. Disraeli
+afterwards informed a friend that, working backwards, he had recalled
+the whole of Mr. Gladstone's speech to his mind. Beginning at the
+disputed quotation, he recovered the context which led up to it, and so
+step by step the entire oration. Then he was enabled to repeat it from
+the outset, exactly as he had read it.
+
+I saw Lord Beaconsfield in the House of Commons on the occasion of his
+last visit to that chamber in which he had been the moving spirit. I
+well recollect that morning. There had been an Irish all-night sitting:
+the House was supposed to be listening to the droning of some Irish
+"Mimber." The officials were weary, the legislative chamber was untidy
+and dusty, and many of those present had not had their clothes off all
+night. Lord Beaconsfield, scented, oiled, and curled, the daintiest of
+dandies, sits in the gallery, examining the scene through his single
+eye-glass. Leaning over him stands the ever-faithful Monty Corry--now
+Lord Rowton. I sat within a few yards of them, and made a sketch which
+happens to be the most successful study I ever made. The _Academy_ wrote
+of it: "In humour Mr. Harry Furniss generally excels; but his portrait
+of Lord Beaconsfield on his last appearance in the House of Commons is
+something else than amusing--it is pathetic, almost tragic, and will be
+historical;" and columns of flattering notices must be my excuse for
+confessing in these pages that I myself consider it to be the best
+portrait of Lord Beaconsfield, and in no way a caricature.
+
+[Illustration: THE LAST VISIT OF LORD BEACONSFIELD TO THE HOUSE.]
+
+A caricaturist is an artistic contortionist. He is grotesque for effect.
+A contortionist twists and distorts himself to cause amusement, but he
+is by nature straight of limb and a student of grace before he can
+contort his body in burlesque of the "human form divine." Thus also is
+it with the caricaturist and his pencil. The good points of his subject
+must be plainly apparent to him before he can twist his study into the
+grotesque; to him it is necessary that the sublime should be known and
+appreciated ere he can convert it into the ridiculous, and without the
+aid of serious studies it is impossible for him fully to analyse and
+successfully produce the humorous and the satirical. Perchance he may
+even entertain a feeling of admiration for the subject he is holding up
+to ridicule, for serious moments and serious work are no strangers to
+the caricaturist.
+
+[Illustration: MR. GLADSTONE. A SKETCH FROM LIFE.]
+
+The famous collars I "invented" for grotesque effect, but I always saw
+Mr. Gladstone without them, for to me his head has never been, as some
+suppose, a mere block around which to wreathe a fantastic and
+exaggerated collar.
+
+"I am told a Japanese artist who wishes to study a particular flower,
+for instance, travels to the part of the country where it is to be
+found; he takes no photographic camera, no superb sketching pad or box
+of paints, but he lives by the plant, watches day by day the flower
+grow, blossom, and decay, under every condition, and mentally notes
+every detail, so that ever afterwards he can paint that flower in every
+possible way with facility and knowledge. I have myself treated Mr.
+Gladstone as that Japanese artist treats the beautiful flower. I have
+frequently sat for many many hours watching every gesture, every change
+of expression. I have watched the colour leave his cheeks, and the hair
+his head; I have marked time contract his mouth, and have noted the
+development of each additional wrinkle. I have mused under the shade of
+his collars, and wondered at the cut of his clothes, sketched his three
+hats and his historical umbrella. More than that; during a great speech
+I have seen the flower in his button-hole fade under his flow of
+eloquence, seen the bow of his tie travel round to the back of his
+neck."
+
+[Illustration: MR. GLADSTONE.
+
+"I have seen the flower in his buttonhole fade under his flow of
+eloquence."
+
+_Engraved on wood from an original study._]
+
+Thus I spoke night after night from the platform, and the laugh always
+came with the collars. It was not as a serious critic that I was posing
+before the audience, so I could fittingly describe the collars rather
+than the man. But when I had left the platform and the limelight, and my
+caricatures, I have had many a chat with Mr. Gladstone's admirers, with
+regard to the light in which I saw the great man without his collars,
+and this fact I will put forward as my excuse for publishing in my
+"Confessions" a few studies that I have made from time to time of the
+Grand Old Man, as an antidote not only to my own caricatures, but to the
+mass of Gladstone portraits published, which, with very few exceptions,
+are idealised, perfunctory, stereotyped, and worthless. Generations to
+come will not take their impressions of this great man's appearance from
+these unsatisfactory canvases, or from the cuts in old-fashioned
+illustrated papers, in which all public men are drawn in a purely
+conventional tailor's advertisement fashion, with perfect-fitting coats,
+trousers without a crease, faces of wax, and figures of the fashionable
+fop of the period. The camera killed all this. But the photographer,
+although he cannot alter the cut of the clothes, can alter, and does
+alter, everything else. He touches up the face beyond recognition, and
+the pose is the pose the sitter takes before the camera, and probably
+quite different from his usual attitude. So it will be the caricatures,
+or, to be correct, the character sketches, that will leave the best
+impressions of Mr. Gladstone's extraordinary individuality.
+
+[Illustration: MR. GLADSTONE--CONVENTIONAL PORTRAIT.]
+
+I heard Mr. Gladstone express his own views on portraiture one evening
+at a small dinner-party. My host of that evening had hit on the happy
+idea of having portraits of the celebrities of the age painted for him
+by a rising young artist. It was curious to note Mr. Gladstone as he
+examined these portraits. His manner was a strange comment on the
+political changes which had taken place, for as he came to the portraits
+of those of his old supporters who no longer fought under his colours,
+he would pass them by as though he had not seen them, or if his
+attention were called to any of them he would seem not to recognise the
+likeness, and pass on till his eye lighted on some political ally still
+numbered among the faithful, when he would at once pronounce the
+portrait excellent, and dwell upon its merits with apparent delight. A
+portrait of Mr. Labouchere, however, he generally failed to recognise.
+The portrait represented the Member for Northampton in a contemplative
+mood, certainly not characteristic of his habitual demeanour in the
+House.
+
+"I have found," said he, "the artist I have been looking for for years.
+I have found an artist who can paint my portrait in four hours and a
+half; he has painted three in thirteen hours; that is Millais."
+
+I was much surprised by this curious criticism on portrait painting.
+Surely, if the portrait of the great orator is to be painted in four
+hours and a half, the same limitation, if carried out, would confine the
+greatest speech ever made to a period of four-and-a-half seconds!
+
+Someone pointedly asked Mr. Gladstone whether he liked Millais'
+portraits.
+
+"Well," he replied, evading any brutal directness of reply, "I have been
+very much interested with his energy; he is the hardest-working man I
+ever saw."
+
+"Do you prefer his result to Holl's?"
+
+"Ah, Holl took double the time, and put me in such a very strained
+position, nearly on tiptoe. I know my heels were off the ground; it
+tired me out, and I was really obliged to lie down and sleep
+afterwards."
+
+"You found Millais charming in conversation?"
+
+"He never spoke when at work; his interest in his work fascinated me."
+
+"Mr. Watts?"
+
+"Ah, there is a delightful conversationalist, and a wonderful artist; he
+has attempted my portrait often--three attempts of late years--but he
+has not satisfied himself, and I am bound to say that my friends are of
+the same mind."
+
+"I well remember," remarked Lord Granville, who was one of the party,
+"how uneasy poor Holl was before he painted your portrait. He came to me
+and said, 'I think if you would speak to Mr. Gladstone on some subject
+that would interest him, I would watch him, and that would aid me very
+much.'"
+
+In this picture of Mr. Gladstone the late Frank Holl failed to maintain
+his reputation as an artist of the highest class: that picture of the
+great Liberal leader was disappointing and altogether unworthy of his
+name. This was the more unfortunate because, by the exercise of a little
+forethought, the artist might easily have avoided that pitfall of
+portrait-painters, an awkward, constrained, and unaccustomed attitude,
+which Mr. Gladstone confessed was torturing him, and by a very simple
+expedient have succeeded in placing Mr. Gladstone in the position which
+everyone who has seen him in the act of delivering a speech in the House
+of Commons would have recognised at once as a true and characteristic
+pose.
+
+Here I have mentioned Mr. Gladstone himself, saying how uncomfortable he
+felt upon the occasion of Mr. Holl's visit to his house for the purpose
+of obtaining a sitting; but I should add that the genial artist who was
+to do the work informed me that he also was no less ill at ease. When
+Mr. Gladstone enquired how he should sit for the portrait, Mr. Holl,
+anxious no doubt to secure a natural pose, replied, "Oh, just as you
+like!" This appeared to disconcert the great statesman somewhat, and he
+appeared to be ruminating as to what sedentary attitude was really his
+favourite one, when Holl came to the rescue.
+
+[Illustration: CARICATURE OF THE HOLL PORTRAIT.]
+
+"I happened," said Mr. Gladstone, "to be standing at my library table
+with my hands upon a book, when Mr. Holl said, 'That will do, Mr.
+Gladstone, exactly,' and the result was that he painted me in that
+position. But I felt uncommonly awkward and uncomfortable the whole
+time, and as I have just said, I had to lie down and sleep after each
+sitting."
+
+Now why was this? It was the very attitude of all others with which we
+who have studied it so often when the ex-Premier has been standing at
+the table in the House are so familiar. No artist who had once seen him
+in that position would have failed to select it as the most favourable
+and characteristic for the purposes of a historical portrait. And yet
+the picture, when it was completed, was a failure, and the artist
+himself knew that it was. The explanation is, I think, very simple, and
+it exemplifies once more the truth of the formula which defines genius
+to be "an infinite capacity for taking pains." Frank Holl undoubtedly
+had talent, but his omission of an important detail in this picture--a
+detail which would have probably made all the difference between success
+and failure--shows once more by how narrow a line the highest art is
+often divided from the next best, that art of which we have such a
+plethora nowadays--which just contrives to miss hitting the bullseye of
+perfection.
+
+When Mr. Holl exclaimed, "That will do, Mr. Gladstone, exactly," he was
+no doubt impressed with the idea that the great orator was more at ease
+standing at the table in the House of Commons than in any other
+position, and he therefore selected it for his picture. But he forgot
+that upon the table in the House there stands a box on which Mr.
+Gladstone was always in the habit, when he was speaking, of resting one
+of his hands, and that if that box was missing he would naturally,
+although perhaps unconsciously, be sensible that something to which he
+was accustomed was absent, and that he would therefore be as
+uncomfortable as a fish out of water. This was actually the case. But if
+some substitute for the box, of the proper height and size, had been
+forthcoming, I have not the slightest doubt, from my long and close
+observation of the habits and movements of Mr. Gladstone in the House,
+that he would at once have dropped easily into his customary attitude,
+and that the picture in the hands of so true an artist as Holl would
+then have been a conspicuous success.
+
+Mr. Gladstone was asked whether he thought the tone of the House had
+degenerated in recent times. He replied that he did not think so at all,
+quoting in proof that after the introduction of the first Reform Bill
+many Members used to express their feelings in cock-crows and other
+offensive ways. Mr. Gladstone, however, at the time I met him, was
+getting decidedly deaf, and no doubt much that went on behind him in the
+House "did not reach" him.
+
+Asked if the "count out" ought to be abolished, Mr. Gladstone said it
+was too convenient a custom to be abolished, but that he noticed a very
+important alteration of late years in the mode of conducting it. Years
+ago he recollected it was the rule that, when a Member moved that
+"forty Members were not present, he was obliged to remain in his place
+while the 'count out' was in progress." "Now," said Mr. Gladstone, "he
+gets up and rushes out.
+
+"Indeed," continued the veteran statesman, "I understand very little
+about the rules and regulations of the House now. I am very ignorant
+indeed; I believe I am the most ignorant man in the House, and I mean to
+continue so; it is not worth my while to begin now to learn fresh
+rules."
+
+[Illustration: NOTE OF MR. GLADSTONE MADE IN THE PRESS GALLERY WITH THE
+WRONG END OF A QUILL PEN.]
+
+He told us of a curious incident which happened in the House when he was
+a young Parliamentary hand. Members did not leave the House for a
+division, but it was left to the discretion of the Speaker to decide
+which side was in the majority. He would then order them to walk to the
+other side of the House, and anyone remaining would of course be counted
+with the opposite side. Old Sir Watkin Wynn, I believe, was determined
+to vote against a certain Bill. He had been hunting all day, and rode up
+to town in time to vote. Arriving in his hunting costume and muddy
+boots, he took his seat tired out, and soon went fast asleep. The
+division came on, and his party were ordered to go over to the other
+side of the House. He slept in blissful ignorance, waking some time
+afterwards to find to his horror that he had been counted with those in
+favour of the Bill.
+
+Mr. Gladstone remarked that it was curious that in the old days the
+Whips could tell to a vote how a division would go. He recollected well,
+in 1841, a vote of no confidence in Lord Melbourne was moved. The point
+was going to be decided by one vote. I shall never forget the "Grand Old
+Man's" graphic description of that vote. There was an old Member who was
+known to be to all intents and purposes as dead as a door-nail. The
+excitement was intense to know if that still breathing corpse could be
+brought to vote. Mr. Gladstone, with other young Tory Members, stood
+anxiously round the lobby door watching, and just at the critical moment
+when the vote was to be taken the all but lifeless body was borne along
+ignorant of all that was going around him, his vote was recorded, and
+that one vote sealed the fate of a Ministry.
+
+In Mr. Gladstone's opinion, American humour invariably consisted in
+dealing with magnitudes. He preferred to hear American stories on this
+side of the Atlantic. He never had been in America, and never intended
+going. He expressed himself as apprehensive of the effect on the nervous
+system of the vibration caused by the engines of a steamer travelling at
+a high speed, but spoke with admiration of the rapid travelling at sea
+performed by the Continental mail packets, saying that a few days
+before, returning from the Continent, he had only just settled down to
+read when he was told to disembark, for the steamer had reached Dover.
+
+I overheard Mr. Gladstone asking the question: "Why is it that when we
+get a good thing we do not stick to it?" I fully expected him to launch
+into some huge political question, such as the "Unity of the Empire" or
+"Universal Franchise." Instead of this, I was somewhat surprised to hear
+him proceed: "Now, I recollect an excruciatingly funny toy which you
+wound up, and it danced about in a most comical way. I have watched that
+little nigger many and many a time, but lately I have been looking
+everywhere to get one. I have asked at the shops in the Strand and
+elsewhere, and they show me other things, but not the funny nigger I
+recollect, so I have given up my search in despair."
+
+I noticed that Mr. Gladstone took champagne at dinner, and after dinner
+a glass of port. Some conversation arising with reference to the history
+of wines, the old politician seemed to know more on the subject than
+anyone else at table; in fact, during the whole evening, there was not a
+subject touched upon on which he did not give the heads for an
+interesting essay. The only time Mr. Gladstone mentioned Ireland was in
+connection with the subject of wines, when he dilated upon the beauties
+of Newfoundland port, which was to be found in Ireland in the good old
+days.
+
+In one respect Mr. Gladstone was not an exception among the old, for he
+seemed fond of dwelling upon the great age which men have attained. He
+seemed to think that the high pressure at which we live nowadays would
+show its effect on the longevity of the rising generation, and remarked:
+
+"You young men will have a very bad time of it."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+It is curious that very few statesmen indeed have led the House of
+Commons in their old age. It may be said that Lord John Russell was the
+first to do so; Lord Palmerston also was very old before he obtained
+office. And so chatted the Grand Old Man, in the most fascinating and
+delightful manner. He was always the same on such occasions, entering
+into the spirit of the entertainment, and, as was his habit, forgetting
+for the time everything else. When my old friend William Woodall, M.P.
+for Stoke (Governor-General of the Ordnance in Mr. Gladstone's
+Government 1885), gave at St. Anne's Mansions his famous "Sandwich
+Soirées" to his friends, the spacious ballroom on the ground floor
+packed with his many friends--a characteristic, polyglot gathering of
+Ministers and Parliamentarians of all kinds, musicians, dramatists,
+authors, artists, actors, and journalists, who sang, recited, and gave a
+gratuitous entertainment (for some of these I acted as his hon.
+secretary, and helped to get together a collection of modern paintings
+on the walls, besides designing the invitations)--I recollect the
+greatest success was the Grand Old Man. There was "standing room" only,
+but a chair was provided for Mr. Gladstone in the centre of the huge
+circle which had formed around the mesmerist Verbeck. Many guests sat on
+the floor, to afford those behind a better chance of seeing. The Prime
+Minister, noticing this, absolutely declined to be an exception, and he
+squatted "à la Turk" on the floor. I confess this struck me as "playing
+to the gallery." It certainly was playing to the Press, for Mr.
+Gladstone's attitude on that occasion was paragraphed all over the
+country, by means of which fact I have here refreshed my memory. In
+fact, Mr. Gladstone was always _en évidence_. When the great statesman
+dined with Toby, M.P., I was sitting close to him. He had dispensed with
+his own shirt-collars, and wore quite the smallest, slenderest, and most
+inconspicuous of narrow, turn-down collars, assumed for that occasion
+only. "One of Herbert's cast-offs," someone whispered to me. "That's
+strange," said another guest to me. "Last night at dinner the pin in the
+back of Gladstone's collar came out, and as he got excited, the collar
+rose round his head, and we all agreed that 'Furniss ought to have
+witnessed what he has so often drawn, but never seen.'"
+
+[Illustration: MR. GLADSTONE SITS ON THE FLOOR.]
+
+Mr. Lucy has made the statement that Mr. Gladstone was "a constant
+student of _Punch_" and "knew no occasion upon which he was not able to
+join in the general merriment of the public; but hadn't there been
+enough about the fabulous collars?"
+
+I received an editorial order to bury them, "but before long they were
+out again, flapping their folds in the political breeze."
+
+[Illustration: THE FRAGMENT OF _PUNCH_ MR. GLADSTONE DID _NOT_ SEE.]
+
+Well, I have no doubt that Mr. Gladstone for many years was "a constant
+student of _Punch_," for during the greater portion of his political
+career he was idealised in the pages of _Punch_, and not caricatured. I
+doubt very much, however, if he made _Punch_ an exception in his latter
+period, for it is well known that for years he was only allowed to see
+flattering notices of himself, and all references at all likely to
+disturb him were kept from his sight. At Mr. Lucy's own house, the night
+Mr. Gladstone dined with him, a copy of _Punch_ was lying on the table,
+containing a rare thing for _Punch_--a supplement. In this case it took
+the shape of my caricatures of the Royal Academy, 1889. Just as dinner
+was announced Mr. Gladstone saw the paper, and was on the point of
+taking it up. I handed it to him, but at the same moment slipped the
+supplement out of the number and threw it under the table, for it
+contained a caricature of Professor Herkomer's Academy portrait of Mrs.
+Gladstone, objecting to being placed next to a lady by Mr. Val Prinsep
+sitting for the "altogether." During dinner Mr. Gladstone mentioned this
+portrait of Mrs. Gladstone, and expressed great delight with Herkomer's
+work: it showed her mature age, he said, and as a portrait was very
+happy and true--he did not say anything about the hanging of it!
+
+Mr. Gladstone was the life and soul of a party, and seemed to enjoy
+being the centre of attraction wherever he was.
+
+[Illustration: THE GLADSTONE MATCHBOX.]
+
+Mr. Gladstone's portrait has been adopted by others besides
+caricaturists. It is carved as a gargoyle in the stone-work of a church,
+and the head of the Grand Old Man has been turned into a match-box. The
+latter I here reproduce. It was shown to me one evening when I was the
+guest at the Guard Mess at St. James's Palace. A clever young Guardsman,
+who had a taste for turning, worked this out in wood from my caricatures
+of Mr. Gladstone, and I advised his having it reproduced in pottery. The
+suggestion was carried out by the late Mr. Woodall, the Member for the
+Potteries, and was largely distributed at the time the G.O.M. was
+politically meeting his match and thought by some to be a little
+light-headed.
+
+In being shown round the beautiful municipal buildings in Glasgow I
+found my caricature there accidentally figuring in the marble-work; and
+the guides at Antwerp Cathedral (as I have mentioned in the first
+chapter) point out a grotesque figure in the wood carving of the choir
+stalls which resembles almost exactly Mr. Gladstone's head as depicted
+by me.
+
+I find a note which I introduce here, as I hardly know where to place it
+in this hotch-potch of confessions. Is it a fact that Mr. Gladstone
+once signed a caricature of himself? In 1896 a Mr. J. T. Cox, of the
+"Norwich school" of amateurs, procured a slab of a sycamore tree felled
+by Mr. Gladstone, and on it reproduced in pencil my _Punch_ cartoon
+depicting a visit of the "Grand Old Undergrad" to his Alma Mater,
+Oxford. This was sent to Hawarden, and returned signed with the
+following note:
+
+                                                      "HAWARDEN CASTLE.
+
+  "Mr. Gladstone is obliged to refuse his signature, but Mrs. Drew asked
+  him for it for herself on enclosed--it was so cleverly arranged.
+
+  "_May 5th_, 1896."
+
+Here is to me, I confess, a first-he-would-and-then-he-wouldn't, Cox and
+Box mystery I fail to explain.
+
+I drew the G.O.M., Mr. Cox drew me, he drew Mrs. Drew, and Mrs. Drew
+drew Mr. Gladstone. Mr. Gladstone refused his signature, and yet he
+signed it. I think he signed his cut of sycamore, and not my cut at him.
+
+Both as a "special artist" for the _Illustrated London News_ in my
+pre-_Punch_ days, and later for various periodicals, I saw and sketched
+Mr. Gladstone on many important occasions, but towards the end of his
+career it was sad to see the great man. The _Daily News_ once gave me a
+chance in the following account of Mr. Gladstone during one of these
+scenes; when Mr. Gladstone, having accidentally mentioned the approach
+of his eightieth birthday, "the vast audience suddenly leapt to its feet
+and burst into ringing cheers. Mr. Gladstone was evidently deeply
+touched by this spontaneous outburst of almost personal affection. He
+stood with hands folded, head bent down, and _legs quivering_." The fun
+of this joke, however, lies in the fact that the "legs" which quivered
+were the telegraph operators'. The reporter wrote "lips."
+
+So great was the public admiration for the illustrious leader of the
+Liberal Party that merely to see him was, to the majority of his
+audience, enough. In later years he could not be heard at public
+meetings. Penetrating as his voice was, it was absolutely impossible for
+any but those standing immediately around the platform to hear him upon
+such occasions as that of the famous Blackheath meeting, or those at
+Birmingham or elsewhere; but the masses nevertheless came in their
+thousands, and were more than repaid for their trouble by catching only
+a distant glimpse of William Ewart Gladstone.
+
+Whatever one may think of Mr. Gladstone as a politician (and some say
+that he was no statesman, and others that he was never sincere, while
+many maintain that he was merely a "dangerous old woman"), all must
+agree that as a man he was a figure that England might well be proud of.
+It will be interesting to see what historians will make of him. When the
+glamour of his personality is forgotten, what will be remembered? His
+figure, his face--and shall I say his collars?
+
+[Illustration]
+
+In my time Mr. Parnell was the most interesting figure in Parliament,
+and, after Mr. Gladstone, had the greatest influence in the House. Mr.
+Gladstone was, politically speaking, Parliament itself (at one time he
+was the Country); but I doubt if even Mr. Gladstone ever hypnotised the
+House by his personality as Parnell did. There was a mystery in
+everything connected with the great Irish leader; no mystery hung about
+Mr. Gladstone. Mr. Gladstone in the House was voluble, eloquent,
+communicative. Mr. Parnell was silent, a poor speaker, and as
+uncommunicative as the Sphinx. Mr. Gladstone's power lay in his
+unreservedness; Mr. Parnell's lay in his absolute reserve. His orders
+were "No one to speak to the man at the wheel," and the man at the wheel
+spoke to no one. He guided the Irish ship just as he liked over the
+troubled waters of a political crisis, and not one of his men knew what
+move would be his next. By this means, so foreign to the Irish
+character, he held that excitable, rebellious, irrepressible crew in
+thrall. He made them dance, sleep, roar; he made them obstructionists,
+orators, buffoons, at his will. He made them everything but friends. A
+characteristic story was circulated when Parnell was known as "the
+uncrowned king." Accompanied by his faithful private secretary, he was
+walking from the House, when he met one of his colleagues. The satellite
+saluted his chief and "smiled affably at the private secretary." Mr.
+Parnell took no notice whatever of Mr. ----, but after a few seconds had
+elapsed, turned to his companion and said, "Who was that, Campbell?"
+
+"Why, ----" (mentioning the name of the hon. Member), was the reply.
+
+"What a horrible-looking scoundrel!" exclaimed the uncrowned king in his
+most supercilious manner, and then began to talk of something else.
+
+He was a study as fascinating to the artist as to the politician, and no
+portrait ever drawn by pen or pencil can hand down to future generations
+the mysterious subtlety in the personality of the all-powerful leader.
+
+[Illustration: PARNELL.]
+
+He was as puzzling to the Parliamentary artist as he was to the
+politician: he never appeared just as one expected him. When I first
+made a sketch of him he had short hair, a well-trimmed moustache,
+shortly-cut side whiskers, a neat-fitting coat and trousers, and
+well-shaped boots. He then let his beard and hair grow, and his coat and
+trousers seemed to grow also--the coat in length and the trousers in
+width; and his boots grew with the rest--they were ugly and enormous.
+His hat didn't grow, but it was out of date. Then he would cut his beard
+and hair again, wear a short coat, a sort of pilot jacket, and
+eventually a long black coat. So that if a drawing was not published at
+once it would have been out of date.
+
+Some artists have been flattering enough to take my sketches as
+references for Parliamentarians, but others depended on photographs, and
+for years I have seen Mr. Parnell represented with the neatly-trimmed
+moustache and closely-cut side whiskers. _A propos_ of this, I may
+mention here how mistakes often become perpetuated. John Bright, for
+instance, was generally represented in political sketches with an
+eye-glass. This was a slip made by an artist in _Punch_ many years ago.
+But ever after John Bright was represented with an eye-glass--which he
+never wore, except on one occasion just to see how he liked it.
+
+The effect upon the House when Mr. Parnell rose was always dramatic. He
+sat there during a debate, seldom, if ever, taking a note, with his hat
+well over his eyes and his arms crossed, in strong contrast to the
+restlessness of those around him. When he rose, it seemed an effort to
+lift his voice, and he spoke in a hesitating, ineffective manner.
+Neither was there much in what he said, but he was _Parnell_, and the
+fact that he said little and said it quietly, that what he said was not
+prepared in consultation with his Whips or with his Party, that in fact
+he was playing a game in which his closest friends were not consulted,
+made his rising interesting from the reporters' gallery to the
+doorkeepers in the Lobby the other side.
+
+Mr. Parnell seemed to have been very little affected by his continued
+reverses; and perhaps the only visible effect of his loss of power was
+that the "uncrowned king" of Ireland changed his top-hat to a plebeian
+bowler, but he did not change his coat. He was always careless about his
+dress, and his tall, handsome figure looked somewhat ridiculous when he
+wore a bowler, black frock coat, and his hair as usual unkempt.
+
+The fall of Parnell was one of the most sensational and certainly the
+most dramatic incident in the history of Parliament.
+
+Mr. Parnell was politically ruined and the Irish Party smashed beyond
+recovery in the famous Committee Room No. 15, after the disclosures in
+the Divorce Court in which Mr. Parnell figured as co-respondent. Mr.
+Parnell had found the Irish Party without a leader, without a programme,
+without a future. He had by his individual force made it a power which
+had to be reckoned with, and which practically controlled Parliament. He
+had been attacked by the most important paper in the world. He had come
+out of the affair, in the eyes of many, a hero; he made his Party
+stronger than their wildest dreams ever anticipated. But his followers
+little thought that in hiding from them his tactics he had also hidden
+the weakness which caused his ultimate downfall. Howbeit the Irish
+Party, whom he held in a hypnotic trance, agreed to stand by him still.
+Then, suddenly, Mr. Gladstone made his demand for a sacrifice to Mrs.
+Grundy. His famous letter, written November 24th, 1894, to Mr. Morley,
+was the death-warrant to Parnellism, and, as it subsequently proved, to
+Gladstonianism as well.
+
+There was a strange fascination in watching the mysterious Leader of the
+Irish Party during the crisis, and I took full advantage of my privilege
+in the House to do so. I was in and about the House early and late, and
+probably saw more of Mr. Parnell than anyone else not connected with
+him. It was just before his exposure that I happened to be in an
+out-of-the-way passage leading from the House, making a little note in
+my sketch-book on a corner of the building, when Mr. Parnell walked out.
+He stood close by, not observing me, and was occupied for a minute in
+taking letters out of the pocket on the right side of his overcoat: they
+were unopened. He looked at them singly; now and then he would tap one
+on the other, as much as to say, "I wonder what is in that?" Then he
+passed it over with the others and put them all into the pocket on the
+left side of his overcoat, and strolled off to catch his train to
+Brighton. That incident, as I subsequently found out, was the cause of
+much of his trouble; for I was informed, when I mentioned it to a great
+friend of Mr. Parnell's and of mine--Mr. Richard Power--that about that
+time he had written him important letters which might have saved him if
+they had been attended to in time.
+
+But those who saw the fallen chief during the sittings in Committee Room
+No. 15, when, through the letter of Mr. Gladstone to which I have
+referred, he was denounced, and had to fight with his back to the wall,
+can never forget his tragic figure during that exciting time. No one
+knew better than he that the tactics of his lieutenant would be cunning
+and perhaps treacherous; so this lazy, self-composed man suddenly awoke
+as a general who finds himself surprised in the camp, and determines to
+keep watch himself. Every day he took by right the chair at the
+meetings. Had he not been present, who knows that it would not have been
+wrested from him? In the early afternoon I saw him more than once walk
+with a firm step, with an ashy pale face, his eyes fixed straight in
+front of him, through the yard, through the Lobby, up the stairs, and
+into Room 15, accompanied by his secretary, Mr. Campbell. The members of
+his Party, on their arrival, found him sitting where they had left him
+the night before. I recollect one morning, as he passed where I was
+standing, he never moved his head, but I heard him say to Mr. Campbell,
+"Who's that? what does he want?" in a sharp, nervous manner. He never
+seemed to recognise anyone, or wish them to recognise him. His one idea
+was to face the man who wished to fight him in the little ring they had
+selected in the Committee Room No. 15.
+
+[Illustration: TO ROOM 15.]
+
+No outsider but myself heard any portion of that debate, for at the
+beginning of it the reporters, who were standing round the doors outside
+to hear what they could, were ordered away; and I was left there, not
+being a reporter, to finish a rather tedious sketch of the corridor. A
+policeman was placed at either end of this very long passage, and if
+anyone had to pass that way he was not allowed to pause for a moment at
+the door of the room upon which the interest of the political world was
+centred at the moment. Nearly all the time I was there I only saw the
+policeman at either end, and one solitary figure seated on the bench
+outside the door. It was the figure of a woman with a kind,
+homely-looking face, resting with her head upon her hand. She seemed not
+to be aware of, or at least not interested in what was going on inside;
+she simply sighed as Big Ben tolled on toward the hour for the dismissal
+of the Leader of the Irish Party. She was the wife of a blind Member of
+Parliament who was taking part in the proceedings, and her thoughts were
+evidently more intent upon seeing that her husband was not worn out by
+that strange, long struggle than in the political significance of the
+meeting.
+
+[Illustration: OUTSIDE ROOM 15.]
+
+It was my good fortune to hear what was perhaps the most interesting of
+the speeches--John Redmond's defence of his chief--and I never wish to
+listen to a finer oration. Everyone admits that the Irish are, by
+nature, good speakers, but they are not always sincere. Here was a
+combat in which there was no quarter, no gallery, and no reporters. The
+men spoke from their hearts, and if any orator could have moved an
+assembly by his power and genius, Mr. Redmond ought to have had a
+unanimous vote recorded in favour of his chief. I am not a phonograph,
+nor was I a journalist privileged to record what passed, and have no
+intention of breaking their trust.
+
+I shall never forget the scene one Wednesday afternoon when Mr. Maurice
+Healy, brother of "Tim," and one of the Members for Cork, challenged Mr.
+Parnell to retire and so enable their respective claims to the
+confidence of the people of Cork to be tested. He tried to drag Mr.
+Parnell into a newspaper controversy upon this point, but failing to do
+so repeated in tragic tones his somewhat Hibernian sentiment that Mr.
+Parnell did not represent the constituency which elected him. Mr.
+Maurice Healy, a somewhat sickly-looking young man, with a family
+resemblance to his brother, is much taller than his more famous
+relative, but lacks the stamina and vivacity of the Member for Longford.
+
+At this moment, when the Irish Party might have been likened to
+machinery deprived of its principal wheel, it was curious to notice how
+energetic Mr. Parnell became. He tried to cover his position by being
+unusually active in Parliament; he followed the Chief Secretary for
+Ireland in the debates upon the Land Purchase Bill, to the obvious
+discomfort of Mr. Morley, and rather delighted the young Conservatives
+by twitting the faction which had thrown him over. His speeches,
+however, were laboured, and, as one of the Irish Members remarked to me
+in the Lobby, it had a curious effect on them to see Mr. Parnell sit
+down after making an important speech without hearing a single cheer.
+And whereas for years he had addressed the House with the greatest
+calmness, his chief characteristic being his "reserve force," he now
+changed all this, and one Friday night caused quite a sensation in the
+House in his attack upon Mr. Gladstone, not so much by what he said as
+by the manner in which he said it. His excitement was visible to all,
+and he was observed to be positively convulsed with anger. He also
+remained, contrary to his previous custom, late in the House.
+
+The last occasion on which I saw Charles Stewart Parnell was a few
+months before his death. I was in Dublin during the Horse Show week,
+giving my "Humours of Parliament" to crowded houses in the "Ancient
+Concert Rooms," and my ancient hotel rooms were at Morrison's
+Hotel--"Parnell's Hotel," for the "uncrowned king" (at that time
+deposed) always stopped there--in fact it was said he had an interest in
+the property. It was late on Sunday afternoon. I was writing in my
+sitting-room on the first floor, next to Parnell's room, when the
+strains of national music of approaching bands smote my ear, and soon
+the hotel was surrounded by a cheering, shouting crowd. Banners were
+flying, bands were playing, thousands of voices were shouting. Standing
+in a brake haranguing the surging mass of people was the familiar figure
+of Charles Stewart Parnell. With difficulty he descended from the brake,
+and had literally to fight his way into the hotel, while his worshippers
+clung on to him into the building, till they were seized and ejected by
+the servants. I went out of my door to see the scene, and in the passage
+outside, between Parnell's sitting-room and mine, he sat apparently
+exhausted. His flesh seemed transparent--I could fancy I saw the
+pattern of the wall-paper through his pallid cheeks. The next moment,
+before I was aware, another figure sat on the same seat, arms were
+thrown round my neck. It was my old Irish nurse, who had come up from
+Wexford to see me, and had been lying in wait for me.
+
+[Illustration: OUTSIDE MY ROOM.]
+
+The first picture I drew for _Punch's_ essence of Parliament was a
+portrait of Lord Randolph Churchill, "Caught on the Hip," to illustrate
+the following truly prophetic words of Toby, M.P.: "The new delight you
+have given us is the spectacle of an undisciplined Tory--a man who will
+not march at the word of command and snaps his fingers at his captain.
+You won't last long, Randolph; you are rather funny than witty--more
+impudent than important." That was written at the opening of Parliament,
+1891.
+
+[Illustration: "THE G.O.M." AND "RANDY."]
+
+I must plead guilty to being the cause of giving an erroneous impression
+of Lord Randolph's height. He was not a small man, but he _looked_
+small; and when he first came into notoriety, with a small following,
+was considered of small importance and, by some, small-minded. It was to
+show this political insignificance in humorous contrast to his bombastic
+audacity that I represented him as a midget; but the idea was also
+suggested from time to time by his opponents in debate. Did not Mr.
+Gladstone once call him a gnat? and do we not find the following lines
+under _Punch's_ Fancy Portraits, No. 47, drawn by Mr. Sambourne?
+
+          "There is a Midge at Westminster,
+            A Gnatty little Thing,
+              It bites at Night
+              This mighty Mite,
+            But no one feels its sting."
+
+Two gentlemen of Yorkshire had a dispute about his correct height, and
+one of them, anxious to have an authoritative pronouncement, wrote to
+the noble Lord, and received the following reply:
+
+                                       "2, CONNAUGHT PLACE, W.
+
+  "Dear Sir,--Lord Randolph Churchill desires me to say, in reply to
+  your letter of the 21st inst., that his height is just under 5ft. 10in.
+
+                 "I am, yours faithfully,
+
+                                    "CECIL DRUMMOND-WOLFF, Secretary."
+
+[Illustration: MR. LOUIS JENNINGS.]
+
+Lord Randolph Churchill was a mere creature of impulse, the spoilt pet
+of Parliament--what you will--but no one can deny that he was the most
+interesting figure in the House since Disraeli. He had none of
+Disraeli's chief attraction--namely, mystery. Nor had he Disraeli's
+power of organisation, for, although Lord Randolph "educated a party" of
+three--the first step to his eventually becoming Leader of the House--it
+cannot be said that at any time afterwards he really had, in the strict
+sense of the word, a party at all. He was a political Don Quixote, and
+he had his Sancho Panza in the person of Mr. Louis Jennings. Perhaps
+nothing can show the impulsive nature of Lord Randolph more than the
+incident which was the cause of Mr. Jennings breaking with Lord
+Randolph. Mr. Louis Jennings was, in many ways, his chief's superior: a
+brilliant journalist, originally on the _Times_, afterwards editor of
+the _New York World_, when, by dint of his energy and pluck, he was the
+chief cause of breaking up the notorious Tammany Ring; a charming writer
+of picturesque country scenes--in fact, an accomplished man, and one
+harshly treated by that fickle dame Fortune by being branded, rightly or
+wrongly, as the mere creature of a political adventurer.
+
+One afternoon I was standing in the Inner Lobby when Mr. Jennings asked
+me to go into the House to a seat under the Gallery to hear him deliver
+a speech he had been requested to make by the Government Party, and one
+he thought something of. At that moment Lord Randolph came up and said,
+"I am going in to hear you, Jennings; I have arranged not to speak till
+after dinner." And we all three entered the House.
+
+Lord Randolph, who had then left the Ministry, sat on the bench in the
+second row below the gangway, on the Government side of the House. Mr.
+Jennings was seated on the bench behind, close to where he had found a
+place for me under the Gallery. He carefully arranged the notes for his
+speech, and directly the Member who had been addressing the House sat
+down, Mr. Jennings jumped to his feet to "catch the Speaker's eye." But
+Lord Randolph, who had been very restless all through the speech just
+delivered, sprang to his feet. Jennings leant over to him and said
+something, but Churchill waved him impatiently away, and the Speaker
+called upon Lord Randolph. Jennings sank back with a look of disgust and
+chagrin, which changed to astonishment when Lord Randolph fired out that
+famous Pigott speech, in which he attacked his late colleagues with a
+vituperation and vulgarity he had never before betrayed. His speech
+electrified the House and disgusted his friends--none more so than his
+faithful Jennings, who left the Chamber directly after his "friend's"
+tirade of abuse, returning later in the evening to make a capital
+speech, full of feeling and power, in which he finally threw over Lord
+Randolph. In the meantime, meeting me, he did not hide the fact that the
+incident had determined him to have nothing more to say to Churchill.
+And this was the man I once drew a cartoon of in _Punch_ on all fours,
+with a coat covering his head (suspiciously like a donkey's head), with
+"Little Randy" riding on his back!
+
+[Illustration: LORD RANDOLPH AND LOUIS JENNINGS.]
+
+If Samson's strength vanished with his hair, Lord Randolph's strength
+vanished with the growing of his beard. The real reason why Lord
+Randolph so strangely transformed himself is not generally known, but it
+was for the simplest of all reasons--like that of the gentleman who
+committed suicide because he was "tired of buttoning and unbuttoning,"
+Lord Randolph was tired of shaving or being shaved; hence the heroic
+beard, which has offended certain political purists who think that a man
+with an established reputation has no right to alter his established
+appearance. Still, if he had not vanished to grow his beard, I doubt if
+he would have survived the winter; and probably he discovered that it
+was good for any man to escape now and then from what the late Mr. R. L.
+Stevenson called "the servile life of cities." Perhaps no one received
+such a "sending off," or was more fêted, than Lord Randolph Churchill.
+Happening to be a guest at more than one of those festive little
+gatherings, I heard Lord Randolph say that all the literary food that he
+was taking out with him to Mashonaland consisted of the works of two
+authors--one English, and the other French. We were asked who they were.
+"In Darkest England," suggested one. "Ruff's Guide to the Turf," said
+another. Both were wrong. And it ultimately transpired that, together
+with his friends' best wishes for his safe return, Lord Randolph was
+carrying with him complete sets of the works of Shakespeare and Molière.
+
+The deafness which attacked Lord Randolph led to his making mistakes,
+and to others making a scene, particularly when the noise in the House
+was so great through the excitement on the Home Rule question. I find a
+note made then upon this point, alluding to a little incident _à propos_
+of Lord Randolph Churchill's deafness: "It is really dangerous,
+considering the high state of feeling in the House, that Members
+antagonistic to each other should have to sit side by side. During the
+stormy scene to which I have just alluded, I was sitting in one of the
+front boxes directly over the Speaker's chair, and, although remarks
+kept flying about from the benches below, it was difficult to catch the
+words, and still more difficult to stop the utterer; so I don't wonder
+that Lord Randolph Churchill--who is rather deaf--should have
+misconstrued the words, 'You are not dumb!' as 'You are knocked up!'
+Later on, however, an Irish Member knocked down another one who was
+opposed to him in politics; and this the Press called 'coming into
+collision.'"
+
+[Illustration: LORD RANDOLPH CHURCHILL.]
+
+There is little doubt that ill-health was the cause of that
+querulousness which led to Lord Randolph's curious and fatal move. I
+recollect being introduced to an American doctor in the Lobby one
+afternoon when Lord Randolph was at the zenith of his height and fame.
+Lord Randolph passed close to us, and stood for a few minutes talking to
+the Member who had introduced the doctor to me. I whispered to the
+American to take stock of the Member his friend was talking to. He did,
+and when Lord Randolph walked away he said, "Well, I don't know who that
+man is, but he won't live five years." It was unfortunate for the
+reputation of Lord Randolph that the doctor's words did not come true.
+
+Many efforts were made by the friends of Lord Randolph to bring Lord
+Salisbury and his lieutenant together again. A deputation of a few
+intimate friends, ladies as well as gentlemen, called on Lord Salisbury,
+presumably on quite a different matter, but led up to Lord Randolph.
+Lord Salisbury, seeing through their object, asked the question, "Have
+any of you ever had a carbuncle on the back of your neck?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Then I have, and I do not want another."
+
+But perhaps Lord Salisbury saw more than anyone else that Lord Randolph
+was not the man he once was. It was painful in his latter days to see
+the Members run out of the House when he rose to speak, and to recollect
+that but a few years before they poured in to listen to the "plucky
+little Randy"; and the sympathy of everyone for him was shown in a very
+marked way by the kindness of the Press when one of the most
+extraordinary figures in the Parliamentary world had passed away.
+
+[Illustration: BEHIND THE SPEAKER'S CHAIR.]
+
+Lord Randolph Churchill recalls another familiar figure I
+caricatured--Lord Iddesleigh, a statesman who will always be remembered
+with respect. No statue has ever been erected in the buildings of the
+House of Commons to any Member who better deserves it, and, strange to
+say, the white marble took the character and style of the man,
+chilliness, pure, and firm. A country gentleman in politics and out of
+it, free from flashy party-colour rhetoric.
+
+            *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Sir Stafford Northcote, as he was known in the House of Commons, the
+gentlest of statesmen, had by no means a peaceful career in politics. He
+was at one time Mr. Gladstone's secretary, and those who knew him
+declare that he never lost his respect and admiration for his former
+master, although time took him from Mr. Gladstone's flock to the fold of
+Lord Beaconsfield. I recollect on one occasion, when I was seated in a
+Press box directly over the Speaker's chair, seeing Mr. Gladstone write
+a memorandum on a piece of paper and throw it across the table to Sir
+Stafford, who was at that time Leader of the House of Commons; after
+reading it, Sir Stafford nodded to Mr. Gladstone, and they both rose
+together and went behind the Speaker's chair. One could easily detect in
+the manner of the two old friends an existence of personal regard, and
+their estrangement on political circumstances must have been a matter of
+mutual regret. Sir Stafford and Mr. Gladstone towards the end, however,
+did not show that friendliness that had gone on for so many years. This
+may have been brought about by many causes, not the least of which was
+the fact that Mr. Gladstone refused to lead the House during the
+Bradlaugh scene, and left it to Sir Stafford, then Leader of the
+Opposition. For instance, after the division in which Mr. Bradlaugh was
+refused the House by a vote of 383 to 233, the Speaker appealed to the
+House to know what to do. Mr. Bradlaugh stood at the table and refused
+to leave it. Mr. Gladstone lay back on the seat of the Government bench
+motionless, so Sir Stafford took up the leadership of the House, and
+asked the Prime Minister, whom he facetiously called the Leader of the
+House, "whether he intended to propose any counsel, any course for the
+purpose of maintaining the authority of the House and of the Chair." And
+so it was on many occasions. When Mr. Bradlaugh did rush up to the table
+of the House, escorted by Mr. Labouchere and Mr. Bass, and went through
+the amusing part of taking the oath, he brought the book which he kissed
+and the papers which he signed, and then rushed back into his seat. The
+House witnessed the scene indescribable by either pen or pencil. But
+here again Mr. Gladstone refused to lead the House. There had been a
+division, and Mr. Bradlaugh had once more been refused admission; so Sir
+Stafford Northcote came forward, as he always did on these occasions, in
+the mildest possible way and the most gentlemanly manner, which rather
+added to the effect of his taking the reins left dangling uselessly by
+the Leader of the House. He said: "Mr. Speaker, I need hardly say that
+if the Leader of the House desires to rise, I will give him the
+opportunity; but assuming that he does not, I intend to do so, and as I
+see no indication of his consent to do so, I shall call the attention of
+the House to the position in which we stand," and so on. Sir Stafford
+Northcote was not a man to stand the rough treatment which Members have
+had in the House during the last fifteen years. Had he been a Member
+twenty years before that, or even a little more, he would have been more
+in tone with the "best club in London." He was perplexed by Mr.
+Gladstone, he was bullied by Lord Randolph Churchill, and he was
+generally looked upon as an old woman, and eventually he was simply sent
+up to the other House. It was not until his sad and tragic death
+occurred that everyone realised that they had lost one of the most able
+statesmen and one of the finest gentlemen that ever sat in the House of
+Commons.
+
+[Illustration: H]
+
+Had Mr. Bradlaugh taken the oath with the rest of the Members when first
+introduced to the House, or had he, after refusing to take it, behaved
+with less violence, I doubt if he would have made any name in
+Parliament. The House was determined to fight Bradlaugh, and it is not
+to be wondered at, for he paraded his atheism, and his views on other
+matters, in the most repulsive manner possible. But Bradlaugh did not
+run the risk of fighting down mere prejudice. Had he taken the oath, he
+would only have won the ear of the House by proving himself a great
+politician. This he was not, though he was a hard-working one, and a
+model Member from a constituency's point of view. But the only big
+question he mastered was his own right to take his seat. Once he got it,
+he became a respectable and respected Member of Parliament, and nothing
+more. So, with the wisdom of the serpent, he did not enter the House
+quietly to fight a wearisome and impossible battle against the
+inveterate prejudices of the Members. No, Bradlaugh defied the House of
+Commons; he horrified it, he insulted it, he lectured it, he laughed at
+it, he tricked it, he shamed it, he humiliated it, he conquered it. He
+brought to their knees the men who howled at him--as no other man has
+ever been howled at before--by sheer force of character.
+
+[Illustration: BRADLAUGH TRIUMPHANT. _From "Punch."_]
+
+Bradlaugh's bitter struggle would fill a volume. Select Committees were
+appointed, and they declared against him. Ignoring them, Bradlaugh
+marched up to the table and demanded to be sworn. The Fourth Party would
+not let him touch the Testament. Three days followed of angry debate on
+Bradlaughism, with more scenes. A new Committee reversed the decision of
+its predecessor, and said that Bradlaugh might affirm. Two days were
+consumed in discussing this, and the present Lord Chancellor, then Sir
+Hardinge Giffard, swayed the House against the report of the Committee.
+Nothing daunted, Mr. Bradlaugh the very next day was back at the table
+of the House, clamouring to be allowed to address the House on his case.
+A scene of wild confusion resulted, Mr. Bradlaugh endeavouring to speak,
+the House howling to prevent him. Eventually he was ordered below the
+Bar--that is, nominally outside the House, although within the four
+walls. After much acrimonious chatter from all sides, he was allowed to
+make his speech. His hour had come. He stood like a prisoner pleading
+before a single judge and a jury of 670 of his fellow-men. His speech
+was more worthy of the Surrey Theatre than of the "Best Club." It was
+bombastic and theatrical. He was ordered to withdraw, while the jury
+considered their verdict. When he was recalled, it was to hear sentence
+of expulsion passed on him. But he would not depart, and another
+tremendous uproar took place. Mr. Bradlaugh's well-trained platform
+voice rose above all others in loud assertion of his "rights," and he
+continued to call for them all through the House, the Lobbies, the
+corridors, up the winding stair into the Clock Tower, where he was
+immured by the Sergeant-at-Arms. The following day he was released after
+another angry debate, and he quickly returned to the forbidden
+precincts. Then he was induced to quit, but on the next day he came down
+to the House with his family, and with a triumphant procession entered
+the House amid the cheers of the crowd. So the drama went on day after
+day, like a Chinese play. The characters in it were acted by the leading
+players on both sides of the House, and the excitement never flagged for
+a moment until Mr. Bradlaugh was allowed to affirm. He was told that he
+would vote at his own risk. He voted repeatedly, and by so doing
+incurred a fine, at the hands of Mr. Justice Mathew, of the little round
+sum of £100,000 (he never had 100,000 farthings), nor could he even open
+his mouth in the House without savage interruption. Finally, Mr.
+Labouchere, his colleague, moved for a new writ for the borough of
+Northampton. Bradlaugh re-won the seat by the small majority of 132
+votes, and the Bradlaugh incubus lay once more on Parliament. Then
+followed the same old cycle of events, the same scene at the table, the
+same angry religious warfare in debate (Mr. Bright's great oratorical
+effort will be remembered), the same speech from Mr. Bradlaugh at the
+Bar, the same division, the same result. Scene followed scene, and
+scandal scandal for weeks, months, years.
+
+[Illustration: CHARLES BRADLAUGH.]
+
+To appreciate Mr. John Bright fully, one must have heard him. Really to
+comprehend his power and greatness, one must have heard him at his best.
+Yet the greatness of his oratory lay not so much in what he said as in
+the beautiful way he said it.
+
+Previous to my having the opportunity of listening to the debates, Mr.
+Bright had reached that stage a singer reaches who has to all intents
+retired from the stage, and merely makes an appearance for someone's
+benefit now and then. In the first two or three years which I recall in
+these pages Mr. Bright was making his last appearance in grand political
+opera. He was in the Government, but although he assured the House that
+"he was not going to turn his back upon himself"--an assertion of his
+powers as a contortionist I endeavoured to depict in _Punch_ the
+following week--Mr. Bright had practically turned his back upon making
+great oratorical displays. The Bradlaugh scandal was in 1881 the subject
+of the hour, and it was whilst appearing for Mr. Bradlaugh's benefit, on
+the occasion of one of the numerous matinées arranged by the elected for
+Northampton, that Mr. Bright used the words. But on no occasion in my
+memory did he rise in a full-dress debate to make one of those grand
+efforts with which his name will ever be remembered as the great orator.
+
+Statesmanship was not so much to him as speechifying. He was not a
+diplomatist such as Beaconsfield, a tactician like Mr. Gladstone, a
+fearless, dashing debater like Lord Derby the elder, "The Rupert of
+Debate"; nor had he the weight of Lord Salisbury, nor the æstheticism of
+Mr. Balfour. But as a mere voice in the political opera he had a charm
+above them all. In appearance he was commonplace compared with these
+others I have mentioned. Often the most indifferent-looking horse in the
+stable or in the paddock is the best in action. You would not give £40
+for some standing at ease; but in action, moving to perfection, with
+fire and speed and staying power, the price is more like £20,000. Mr.
+Bright never got into his stride at any time or in any event while he
+came under my observation.
+
+[Illustration: THE MEET AT ST. STEPHEN'S.]
+
+These equine remarks about a great politician bring to mind a protest I
+received about a drawing of mine, which appeared a year or two ago,
+representing Mr. Gladstone as a Grand Old Horse, hearing the horn at the
+meet, cantering towards his companions in so many runs in which he had
+taken the lead, and for which his day had gone. The protest came from a
+Quaker, horrified at my depicting Mr. Gladstone as a gee-gee! as if he
+had not been so depicted often enough before.
+
+Jacob Bright was the very antithesis to his brother, both in appearance
+and manner--tall, of a nervous, wiry frame, rigid face, severe
+expression. He, like others without a spark of humour, was often the
+means of unconscious merriment. For instance, when Lord Randolph
+Churchill was Member for Woodstock, Mr. Jacob Bright referred to him as
+the noble lord "the Member for Woodcock." Sir John Tenniel in the
+cartoon in _Punch_, and myself in the minor pictures of Parliament in
+that journal, made full use of the "woodcock," and, therefore, revelling
+in heraldry, quickly added the woodcock to the Churchill arms.
+
+Half the bores in London clubs are Indian officials returned to us with
+their digestion and their temper destroyed, to spend the rest of their
+days in fighting their poor livers and their unhappy friends. The
+etiquette of Clubland prevents one from protesting. But in the "Best
+Club" they are not spared. They are either howled at, or left to speak
+to empty benches.
+
+Perhaps Sir George Campbell, who had been Governor of Bombay, was the
+most eccentric bore we have ever had in the House of Commons. Sir George
+has acknowledged that he could not resist the temptation to speak. On
+one occasion he made no less than fifty-five speeches on the Standing
+Committee of one Bill. At breakfast in the morning he read in the
+_Times_ his heated, unconsidered interruptions in the House the night
+before, and he read of the contempt with which they were received--the
+"Loud laughter," cries of "Order!" "Divide! divide! divide!" and the
+snubs administered to him by the wearied and disgusted Members. He read
+after lunch at his club the jeering remarks of the evening Press. He was
+well aware he was a nuisance to the House, and he resolved as he walked
+down Whitehall not to open his mouth. But as soon as he crossed Palace
+Yard and entered the corridors of the House he sniffed the odour of
+authority and the fever of debate. He, the Great Sir George of
+India,--silent? Never! Whether there was a question about the
+bathing-machines on the beach at Hastings, or the spread of scarlet
+fever at Battersea, or about an old pump at Littleshrimpton, he cared
+not: he must act his part--that of the Pantaloon in Parliament.
+
+[Illustration: SIR GEORGE CAMPBELL.]
+
+In appearance he was a striking, handsome man, with a strong
+individuality. A good head, piercing eye, well-shaped nose, and tall,
+active frame no doubt added to his authority in India. He struck me as a
+man who had been taken to pieces on his way home to this country, and
+put together again badly, for his joints were all wrong. Certainly his
+head was, and he was over wound up. His tongue never ceased, and the
+worst of it was he had a rasping, penetrating voice, with the strongest
+Scotch accent. One afternoon in the House this accent led to one of
+those frequent outbursts of merriment and protest combined--so common
+when Sir George bored the House, as he was always doing. Sometimes he
+made over thirty speeches in one evening. A question was asked about the
+obstructive methods of the irrepressible Sir George, who on this
+particular afternoon was supported in his boredom by two other bores,
+the Member for Sunderland and Mr. Conybeare. These three had the House
+to themselves, and peppered the Government benches with question after
+question, speech after speech. Sir George alluded to themselves as "a
+band of devoted guerillas." The weary House, not paying particular
+attention to every accent, failed to catch most of what Sir George said,
+as his rasping Scotch accent left them no escape. But the last word was
+misunderstood, and an outburst of laughter, long, loud, and hearty,
+followed, and, in a Parliamentary sense, killed Sir George for the day.
+The House understood him to say "a band of us devoted gorillas."
+
+Perhaps the neatest rebuke Sir George ever had in the House--or, as a
+matter of fact, any Member ever had--was administered by that most
+polished wit, Mr. Plunket (now Lord Rathmore). Sir George solemnly rose
+and asked Mr. Plunket, who happened at the time to be Minister of Public
+Works, whether he (Mr. Plunket) was responsible for the "fearful
+creatures" whose effigies adorn the staircase of Westminster Hall. Mr.
+Plunket rose and quietly replied, in his effective, hesitating manner,
+"I am not responsible for the fearful creatures either in Westminster
+Hall or in this House," a retort which "brought down the House" and
+caused it to laugh loud and long. This I chronicled in a drawing for
+_Punch_ the following week.
+
+The subject of gargoyles recalls another witticism, which, however, has
+the light touch that failed.
+
+Now there is nothing so disappointing to a humorist as to lead up to an
+interruption, and then find he is not interrupted. Mr. Chamberlain
+seldom fails to bring off his little unsuspected repartee, and it is his
+mastery of this art that make his speeches sparkle with diamond
+brilliancy, but then these are usually serious, and he can afford a few
+miss-fires. Mr. Goschen, in the Commons, romped through his "plants" for
+his opponents; his interruptions were three or four deep, but he was
+ready for all of them. He may be likened to a professional chess player,
+playing a dozen opponents at once, and remembering all the moves on the
+separate boards. But for a humorist to miss fire--after an elaborate
+joke is prepared--is a catastrophe.
+
+Colonel Sanderson rose on a very important and ticklish occasion to
+"draw" Mr. Labouchere. The Member for Northampton had been electrifying
+the House by his free handling of a matter affecting the morality of
+private individuals, a course of action for which, later on, he was
+suspended. Colonel Sanderson, alluding to Mr. Labouchere, called him a
+"political gargoyle." Mr. Labouchere did not, as was expected, rise in a
+furious state and demand an explanation. The Colonel paused and
+repeated, "I say the hon. gentleman, the Member for Northampton, is a
+political gargoyle." No notice was taken by the gentleman compared to
+the architectural adornment of past days; it was evident that, like the
+gargoyle in ancient architecture, the remark of the humorous Colonel was
+some elaboration too lofty to be noticed. A few days afterwards Mr.
+Labouchere met the Colonel, and asked him what he meant by calling him a
+political gargoyle. "Well," said the Colonel, "rather late to ask me;
+you will find the definition in the dictionary. It is a grotesque
+gutter-spout." Said Mr. Labouchere, "You're a very clever fellow,
+Colonel; that would have been a capital point--if you had made it."
+
+[Illustration: HERALDIC DESIGN ILLUSTRATING MR. PLUNKET'S (NOW LORD
+RATHMORE) JOKE. _From "Punch."_]
+
+Mr. Farmer Atkinson, who succeeded Sir William Ingram of the
+_Illustrated London News_ and the _Sketch_ as Member for Boston,
+Lincolnshire, was an invaluable "subject" for me during his brief hour
+upon the Parliamentary stage. Our introduction was peculiar. It so
+happened that when Mr. (now Sir) Christopher Furness was first returned
+for Hartlepool, Mr. Atkinson, although of opposite politics, was most
+anxious to welcome him to Parliament as a companion Dissenter. After
+diligent inquiries for Mr. Furness, I was by mistake pointed out to him.
+I suddenly found both my hands clasped and warmly shaken by the mistaken
+M.P. "Delighted to meet you, Mr. Furness! Allow me to congratulate you.
+We are both Dissenters, you know,--what a pity we are on different sides
+of the House!"
+
+"Yes," I replied, "a thousand pities,--you see, you are inside and I am
+outside.
+
+[Illustration: MR. FARMER ATKINSON.]
+
+My introduction to Mr. Christopher Furness a day or two afterwards was
+in a way similar, but rather more embarrassing.
+
+Perhaps there are not two men with surnames so similar and yet so
+different in every other way than that great man of business, Sir
+Christopher Furness, and myself. He has an eye for business, but not one
+for his surname--I have an "I" in my name, and two for art only. When
+Mr. Furness was first returned to Parliament, plain Mr., neither a
+knight nor a millionaire, _then_ he asked to see me alone in one of the
+Lobbies of the House of Commons. He held a note in his hand, _strangely_
+and nervously,--so I knew at once it was not a bank-note.
+
+"I--ah--am very sorry,--you are a stranger to me, I--a--stranger to the
+House. This note from a stranger was handed to me by a strange
+official. I read it before I noticed the mistake. It is addressed to
+you."
+
+"Oh, that is of no consequence, I assure you," I said.
+
+"Oh, but it is--it must be of consequence. It is--of--such a private
+nature, and so brief. I feel extremely awkward in having to acknowledge
+I read it,--a pure accident, I assure you!"
+
+He handed me the note and was running away, when I called him back. It
+read:--
+
+             "Meet me under the clock at 8.
+
+                                            "LUCY."
+
+"I must introduce you to Lucy."
+
+"No, no! not for worlds,"
+
+But I did. Here he is.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+There were more "scenes" in Parliament in the few sessions that I have
+selected to write about in this volume than there were in the rest of
+the last century put together. This was largely due to the climax of
+Irish affairs in the House. For effect in debate the English and Scotch
+Members,--not to speak of the Welsh Representatives,--are failures
+compared with those Members from across the water. No matter how hard
+the phlegmatic Englishman, the querulous Scotchman, or the whinings of
+those from gallant little Wales may try for effect, they have to give
+way to the Irish in the art of making a scene in the House.
+Occasionally, as when Dr. Kenealy shook some pepper over the House, and
+in the case of Mr. Plimsoll--or some other honourable gentleman--who
+went so far as to hang his umbrella on the Mace, an English Member
+causes a sensation which might almost excite a pang of envy in the
+breast of Dr. Tanner or Mr. Healy. No Englishman, however, has exceeded
+Mr. Bradlaugh in the persistent quality of sensationalism in Parliament,
+which now is sadly in want of another political phenomenon to enliven
+its proceedings.
+
+One of the best studies in those days of good subjects for the
+Parliamentary caricaturist was the figure of that "squat and leering
+Quilp," Joseph Gillis Biggar, Member for County Cavan. Mr. Lucy (Toby,
+M.P.), who acted as Biggar's Boswell, records the interesting fact that
+when Mr. Biggar rose for the first time in the House (1874) to put a
+supplementary question to a Minister, Mr. Disraeli, startled by the
+apparition, turned to Lord Barrington as if he had seen seated in the
+Irish quarter an ourang-outang or some other strange creature,--"What's
+that?"
+
+[Illustration: JOSEPH GILLIS BIGGAR.]
+
+From that moment Mr. Biggar was a continual source of amusement--and
+"copy." I venture to say that Toby, M.P., has written a good-sized
+volume about Mr. Biggar's waistcoat alone. What he saw in the waistcoat
+to chronicle I confess I have failed to see. "A fearsome garment," Mr.
+Lucy called it, "which, at a distance, might be taken for sealskin, but
+was understood to be of native manufacture."
+
+Mr. Biggar--waistcoat and all--was certainly seen and heard to advantage
+"at a distance." He was no doubt useful to his Party, acting, as I
+believe he did, as a kind of good-natured nurse to them, looking after
+their comfort and seeing they kept in bounds.
+
+Mr. Biggar was always repulsive in both appearance and manner. His
+unfortunate deformity, his gargoyle-like face, his long, bony hands,
+large feet, the black tail coat and baggy black trousers, the grin and
+the grating voice, and the fact that pork was his study before
+Parliament, made Joseph Gillis Biggar's appearance as ugly as his name.
+His chief claim to a niche in Parliamentary history is the fact that he
+originated Obstruction, and showed the manner in which it should be
+applied by making a speech occupying four hours of valuable time. He
+also showed the length to which gross impertinence can be carried to
+bring the House into contempt. He "spied" His Royal Highness, our
+present King, one day in the gallery, and by the law of Parliament a
+Member by suddenly observing that he "spies" a stranger may have the
+House cleared of all but its Members, including Royalty--worse than that
+he on one occasion alluded to Mr. Gladstone as "a vain old gentleman."
+
+The nearest approach I ever had to enter into practical politics was a
+request I received in March, 1892, to become the successor of Lord (then
+Sir Charles) Russell, as chairman of a local Radical association. In
+reply I confessed my political creed, and I see no reason to alter it.
+
+
+                        MY POLITICAL CONFESSION.
+
+  "I have just received your flattering communication asking me to become
+  the chairman of No. 2 Ward of the East Marylebone Liberal and Radical
+  Association. It is the first time my name has ever been associated with
+  Party politics, and I am puzzled to know myself whether I am a Radical,
+  a Tory, a Liberal, or a Liberal Unionist!
+
+  "I read the _Times_ every morning, and the _Star_ and the _Pall Mall
+  Gazette_ every evening. I read the sporting papers for their politics,
+  and the political papers for their literary and artistic notes.
+
+  "I work sixteen hours a day myself, and would agree to any law
+  prohibiting others in my profession from working more than three hours.
+
+  "I am strongly opposed to Home Rule, as the disappearance of the Irish
+  Members (who are invaluable to me in my profession) from St. Stephen's
+  would be a serious loss to me.
+
+  "I agree to paying Members of Parliament, but would propose that they
+  should be fined for non-attendance, and for the privilege of speaking
+  too long, too often, or not often enough. These fines, in the majority
+  of cases, would come to three times the amount of the Member's income.
+
+  "I am not in favour of capital punishment, and would do away with all
+  judges and trials by jury, leaving the Press to fight out the criminal
+  cases between themselves.
+
+  "I believe in free education, free libraries, and a free breakfast
+  table, and would propose that free book-stalls and free restaurants
+  should be compulsory on all railways.
+
+  "I am strongly opposed to vivisection, and hold that the life of a
+  rabbit is quite as valuable as that of a professor. At the same time I
+  would not countenance any law making it a punishable offence to boil a
+  lobster alive.
+
+  "I am a believer in hypnotism, thought-reading, and theosophy (I have
+  been a bit of an amateur conjurer myself).
+
+  "Right of public meeting? Certainly. This should be a free
+  country--everyone do as he likes. Football in Hyde Park, and fairs in
+  Trafalgar Square. Equal freedom for all processions--if Booth can stop
+  the traffic, why not Sanger's menagerie?
+
+  "As to local option, by all means let all public-houses be closed. (I
+  never enter one.) And all clubs, too, so long as my own are not
+  interfered with.
+
+  "I am not at present a member of any political club, but if you wish me
+  to become one I will put up at the Reform, either as a fervent
+  Gladstonian or a red-hot Unionist; I don't mind which, as neither have
+  the slightest chance of getting in now.
+
+  "If, after considering these qualifications, you are of opinion that I
+  would be the right man in the right place, I shall be most happy and
+  willing to become your chairman.--Yours, etc."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+I regret to have to confess that I once posed as a political prophet. I
+was encouraged to prophesy the fact that six months before the election
+of July, 1892, when Mr. Gladstone was confident of "sweeping the
+country" and coming back with a majority of 170 or so, when both sides
+predicted a decisive result, and political prophets were cocksure of
+large figures, I luckily happened to be more successful in my
+vaticinations than they, giving the Gladstonians a majority of something
+between forty and forty-five. The actual majority turned out, six
+months afterwards, to be forty-two. This encouraged me to write the
+following letter to the _Times_, and it appeared July 19th:
+
+                     "_A Parliamentary Prophecy._
+
+  "Sir,--I am surprised that no Parliamentary chronicler has written to
+  the papers to thank the electors of the United Kingdom for the happy
+  result of the General Election. The jaded journalist is the only person
+  to whom the result is pleasing, as he will have no lack of material for
+  descriptive matter in the coming Parliament.
+
+  "The Gladstonians are not pleased, because they have barely got a
+  working majority. The Conservatives are not pleased, because they have
+  not got one at all. The Liberal Unionists are not pleased, because they
+  go with the Conservatives. The Irish Nationalists are chagrined, because
+  of the success of five Unionists in Ireland. The Parnellites feel
+  mischievous but unhappy. The Labour representatives mischievous and
+  happy--they are the heroes of the hour--and, although the members of the
+  Labour Party have hitherto been nonentities in the House, they will
+  probably be 'named' several times in the future. But Parliament is a
+  refrigerator for red-hot rhetoric, and such Members will, in time, find
+  respectability and aspirants,[2] and grow dull.
+
+       [2] See page 212.
+
+  "A harassed leader, an ambitious Opposition, the balance of power
+  resting in the hands of the Irish, divided amongst themselves, a new and
+  probably noisy party, boredom increased, faddism intensified--such are
+  the ingredients of the new House; and with little spice thrown in in the
+  shape of a revived morality scandal, the new Parliament promises to be a
+  hotch-potch of surprises. I myself take no side in politics, and am
+  glad to say that I have numerous friends in all parties. Perhaps it was
+  in consequence of this that I heard all sides of opinion, thereby
+  enabling me six months ago to weigh all my information correctly and
+  predict the result of the General Election--a Gladstonian majority of
+  between forty and forty-five votes--and to this opinion I have firmly
+  adhered in spite of the fluctuating prospects before the fight. Even on
+  Wednesday, the 6th inst., when the returns pouring in seemed to point to
+  a Government majority, I stuck to my prophecy.
+
+  "I am now receiving from my friends (more especially from my Liberal
+  friends) congratulations upon my perspicacity, and, although I am no
+  Schnadhorst, I must now regard myself in the light of a Parliamentary
+  prophet. Having in that capacity chanted my incantations and calculated
+  the number of square feet of Irish linen in one of Mr. Gladstone's
+  collars to be in inverse ratio to the dimensions of his Mid-Lothian
+  majority, and having by abstruse computations discovered the hitherto
+  unknown quantity of Sir William Harcourt's chins, I can safely predict
+  that there will be another General Election within the space of
+  thirteen months, and that the result of the same will be the return of
+  the Unionists with a majority of fifteen.
+
+                                             "Yours truly,
+
+                                                         "HARRY FURNISS.
+
+     "Garrick Club, London, July 19."
+
+[Illustration: THE HOUSE OF COMMONS FROM TOBY'S PRIVATE BOX.]
+
+The regret I felt was not caused by any failure of my prediction
+contained in the last paragraph in that letter, but that the whole of it
+was taken seriously. Editorial leaders appeared in the principal papers
+all over the kingdom. Letters followed, discussions took place, and
+politicians referred to it in their speeches. "Mr. Harry Furniss has
+taken the public into his confidence, as one who is thoroughly
+acquainted with Party politics, though he takes no personal interest in
+them. Men who can thus truthfully describe themselves are excessively
+rare, as far as we know. It is usually the person who does not
+understand politics who takes no interest in them. A man who understands
+politics, but does not concern himself to take sides, is in the position
+of the looker-on who sees most of the game," was truthfully written of
+me _à propos_ of this letter--but why _à propos_ of this letter? Why not
+of my serious work instead? No, my "airy persiflage" was only a cloak. I
+was seriously and instantaneously accepted as a serious political
+prophet, and otherwise criticised:
+
+                   "_To the Editor of the 'Times.'_
+
+  "Sir, In a letter signed by Mr. Harry Furniss, which appeared in the
+  _Times_ of the 21st inst., the writer concluded by predicting that there
+  would be another general election within thirteen months, and that the
+  result would be a Unionist majority of fifteen.
+
+  "Mr. Furniss is evidently fond of odd numbers, but may I point out to
+  him, and to many other political prophets who have fallen into the same
+  trap, that the fulfilment of his prediction is an impossibility?
+
+  "In a House of 670 Members, or any other even number, if divided into
+  two parties, the majority (in the sense he uses the word--viz., the
+  difference) must always be an even number. It is true that the division
+  lists sometimes show a majority which is an odd number, but in such a
+  case an odd number of Members must have been absent from the division.
+  Mr. Furniss must prophesy either fourteen or sixteen.
+
+  "The English language is so defective that the word 'majority' is used
+  to mean 'the greater number,' and also 'the difference between the
+  greater number and the less.' Cannot a new word be invented to replace
+  'majority' in one or other of these meanings, and so avoid the use of
+  the same word for two distinct ideas?
+
+                                      "Your obedient servant,
+
+                                               "GEORGE R. GALLAHER,
+
+                                   "Fellow of the Institute of Bankers.
+
+    "44, Fenchurch Street, London, E.C."
+
+I suppose F.I.B. stands for "Fellow of the Institute of Bankers."
+Anyway, before I had time to reply to the courteous captious critic the
+_Times_ published the following:
+
+                     "_Political Prophecy._
+
+  "Sir,--In endeavouring to correct Mr. Furniss your correspondent Mr.
+  Gallaher has forgotten that, although the House of Commons consists of
+  an even number of Members, one of those Members will be elected Speaker;
+  and that consequently, if all the Members were on any occasion to
+  attend, the majority would be an odd, and not an even number. There is
+  therefore no necessity for Mr. Furniss to alter his prophecy at present.
+
+                                         "Your obedient servant,
+
+                                                         "FAIR PLAY."
+
+Other correspondents, less technical but strongly political, accused me
+of being "an inspired Conservative spy." Others that I was an oracle
+worth "rigging." And the Irish and Radical Press questioning my
+impartiality, I published this letter:
+
+         "_To the Editor of the 'Manchester City News.'_
+
+  "Sir,--My attention has been called to a paragraph in your issue of July
+  23rd, stating that I am a Conservative, an assertion which has highly
+  amused those who know me well, for I am one of the strongest of Radicals
+  in some things and the hottest of Tories in others. I earnestly advocate
+  the claims of the working man, and sometimes I feel myself a Whig of the
+  old school. Whether I am a Tory, a Liberal or a Radical, troubles me
+  very little, but as you seem to take a kind interest in my political
+  opinions I should have preferred you to have styled me an Independent,
+  which I understand means nothing.
+
+                                                       "HARRY FURNISS.
+
+    "Garrick Club, London."
+
+But neither "Independent" nor humorous would the partisan
+Press allow me to be. Certainly I was applauded by some for
+having held steadfastly to my prophecy, despite temptations
+which would have made Cassandra succumb. I was flattered
+by being held up as an exception among the prophets. From
+Mr. Gladstone to Mr. T. P. O'Connor politicians had prophesied
+and were hopelessly wide of the mark. Mr. Chamberlain,
+speaking at Birmingham that week, said, "The gravity of the
+weighty man of the House of Commons, gentlemen, is a thing
+to which there is no parallel in the world," and oh! so serious!
+
+[Illustration: THE GOVERNMENT--BENCH BEFORE HOME RULE.
+               A rough Sketch made in the House.
+
+Mr. W. E. Foster.     Mr. Gladstone.      Mr. John Bright.
+          Lord E. Fitzmaurice.   Lord Hartington.]
+
+"Prophets--at any rate political prophets--are chiefly distinguished
+from other people by being always dull and nearly always wrong. To-day,
+however, appears a brilliant exception to the almost universal rule,"
+wrote one paper, and yet continued, "Mr. Furniss is simply within his
+own ground as one of the shrewdest and best trained of living observers,
+when he describes the newly-elected House of Commons as thoroughly
+discontented with itself. But we wish that Mr. Furniss had carried his
+prediction into the regions of counsel, and had been able to read in
+'Mr. Gladstone's collars,' or in the 'unknown quantity of Sir William
+Harcourt's chins,' and whatever else serves him for his Stars, what is
+to be the outcome of a situation in which no party is able to obtain a
+working majority. If Mr. Furniss is right, the question of 'how is the
+Queen's Government to be carried on?' will assume a practical importance
+which it never had before; and unless he himself, as a thoroughly
+non-party man, can be induced to undertake the formation of an
+administration of similarly fortunate persons, one does not see what is
+to be done. Party government is based upon big majorities--it is within
+measurable distance of breaking down altogether unless the country will
+make up its mind to stand no more nonsense, and to prefer what is really
+a party to a conglomerate of fads and factions."
+
+I was beginning to feel like a man who had started a story and forgotten
+the point of it. The only "comic relief" was the following note from the
+Editor of _Punch_:
+
+                                                  _21st July, 1892.
+
+                   "_Vates et Vox Stellarum._
+
+  "Dear H. F.,--'Respectability and aspirants.' Didn't you squirm at the
+  misprint? Is that setter-up-of-type still alive? Je m'en doute. The
+  reference to Harcourt's _chins_ will _get you liked_ very much. You
+  dated it from the Garrick, but you didn't put the time of night when
+  you wrote it. 'P.S.'--_Post Supperal_, eh?
+
+  "Farewell, O Prophet!--but 'why _didn't you say so before_?'
+
+  "Allah il Allah Ari Furniss is His Prophet!
+
+                                                     "Yours ever,
+
+                                                               "F. C. B.
+
+  "_Advt._--'LIKA JOKO'! Parliamentary Prophet!! Prophecies sent out on
+  shortest notice. Terms, ----. Reduction on taking a quantity."
+
+Yes! I did squirm at the misprint, which, however, was rectified in the
+next issue:
+
+  "_A Parliamentary Prophecy._--In Mr. Harry Furniss's letter under this
+  title in the _Times_ of yesterday the word 'aspirates' should be read
+  instead of 'aspirants' in the following passage: 'The Labour
+  representatives feel mischievous and happy--they are the heroes of the
+  hour--and, although the members of the Labour Party have hitherto been
+  nonentities in the House, they will probably be 'named' several times in
+  the future. But Parliament is a refrigerator for red-hot rhetoric, and
+  such members will, in time, find respectability and aspirants, and grow
+  dull."
+
+I wish I had followed the example of Mr. John Morley, who announced a
+couple of months before the election that he had written down his
+General Election tip and placed it in a sealed envelope; but so far as I
+have heard, he never risked his reputation for prophecy--he refrained
+from publishing the secret. That grave and weighty right hon. gentleman
+scored as the humorist, and I failed as a prophet in my second attempt.
+
+[Illustration: REDUCTION OF ONE OF MY PARLIAMENTARY PAGES IN _PUNCH_.]
+
+
+
+
+                               CHAPTER VII.
+
+"PUNCH"
+
+  Two _Punch_ Editors--_Punch's_ Hump--My First _Punch_ Dinner--Charles
+   Keene--"Robert"--W. H. Bradbury--du Maurier--"Kiki"--A Trip to the
+   Place of his Birth--He Hates Me--A Practical Joke--du Maurier's Strange
+   Model--No Sportsman--Tea--Appollinaris--My First Contribution--My
+   Record--Parliament--Press Gallery Official--I Feel Small--The "Black
+   Beetle"--Professor Rogers--Sergeant-at-Arms' Room--Styles of
+   Work--Privileges--Dr. Percy--I Sit in the Table--The Villain of Art--The
+   New Cabinet--Criticism--_Punch's_ Historical Cartoons--Darwen
+   MacNeill--Scenes in the Lobby--A Technical Assault--John Burns's
+   "Invention"--John Burns's Promise--John Burns's Insult--The Lay of Swift
+   MacNeill--The Truth--Sir Frank Lockwood--"Grand Cross"--Lockwood's
+   Little Sketch--Lockwood's Little Joke in the House--Lockwood's Little
+   Joke at Dinner--Lewis Carroll and _Punch_--Gladstone's Head--Sir
+   William's Portrait--Ciphers--Reversion--_Punch_ at Play--Three _Punch_
+   Men in a Boat--Squaring up--Two Pins Club--Its One Joke--Its One
+   Horse--Its Mystery--Artistic Duties--Lord Russell--Furious
+   Riding--Before the Beak--Burnand and I in the Saddle--Caricaturing
+   Pictures for _Punch_--Art under Glass--Arthur Cecil--My Other Eye--The
+   Ridicule that Kills--Red Tape--_Punch_ in Prison--I make a Mess of
+   it--Waterproof--"I used your Soap two years ago"--Charles Keene--Charles
+   Barber--_Punch's_ Advice--_Punch's_ Wives.
+
+[Illustration: T]
+
+
+The first representative of Mr. Punch with whom I came into contact was
+the late Tom Taylor, at that period the tenant of the editorial chair.
+To this meeting I have referred on a previous page, when I mentioned
+that Mr. Taylor had just returned from the wilds of Connemara and
+strongly advised me to make some explorations in that little-known
+district for the purpose of making sketches of the "genus _homo_
+indigenous to the soil," which I did a week or so prior to my setting
+foot in the busy haunt of men on murky Thames.
+
+Tom Taylor was, I believe, one of the best of men, and the possessor of
+one of the kindest hearts; but although he certainly professed to take
+an interest in me (probably owing to the fact that it was to a relative
+of mine that he was indebted for his first introduction to literature),
+the fact remains that whenever I sent him a sketch I used to receive one
+of his extraordinary hieroglyphical missives supposed to be a note
+courteously declining my efforts, notwithstanding that I was often
+flattered although not enriched by subsequently seeing the subjects of
+them appear redrawn under another name in the pages of _Punch_.
+
+It was not until Tom Taylor had passed away that Mr. Punch would deign
+to give me a chance. I had then been seven years in London hard at work
+for the leading magazines and illustrated papers, and I may truly say
+that my work was the only introduction I ever had to Mr. Burnand.
+
+[Illustration: Age 26, WHEN I FIRST WORKED FOR PUNCH. [_From a Photo by
+C. Watkins._]]
+
+When I first entered the goal of my boyish ambition--that is to say, the
+editorial sanctum of Mr. Punch--I had never met the gentleman who for a
+number of years afterwards was destined to be my chief, and I fully
+expected to see the editor turn round and receive me with that look of
+irrepressible humour and in that habitually jocose style which I had so
+often heard described. I looked in vain for the geniality in the
+editor's glance, and there was a remarkably complete absence of the
+jocose in the sharp, irritable words which he addressed to me.
+
+"Really," said he, "this is too bad! I wrote to you to meet me at the
+Surrey Theatre last night, and you never turned up. We go to press
+to-day, and the sketches are not even made."
+
+"I don't quite understand you," I replied, "for I never heard from you
+in my life, and I don't think that you ever saw me before."
+
+"But surely you are Mr. ----?" (a contributor who had been drawing for
+_Punch_ for some weeks). "Are you not?"
+
+"No," I said. "My name is Furniss, and I understood that you wanted to
+see me."
+
+[Illustration: MY FIRST MEETING WITH THE EDITOR OF _PUNCH_.]
+
+This was in 1880, and from that period up to the time of my resignation
+from the staff of _Punch_ I certainly do not think that I have ever seen
+Burnand's face assume such a threatening and offended expression as it
+wore that day.
+
+I was then twenty-six. Strange to say, Charles Keene and George du
+Maurier were exactly the same age when they first made their _début_ in
+_Punch_, but not yet invited to "join the table."
+
+As I was leaving my house one summer evening a few years afterwards, the
+youngest member of my family, who was being personally conducted up to
+bed by his nurse, enquired where I was going.
+
+"To dine with Mr. Punch," I replied.
+
+"Oh, haven't you eaten all his hump _yet_, papa? It _does_ last a long
+time!" And the little chap continued his journey to the arms of
+Morpheus, evidently quite concerned about his father's long-drawn-out
+act of cannibalism.
+
+The first feast to which I was bidden was not one of the ordinary or
+office description, but a banquet given at the "Albion" Tavern, in the
+City, on the 3rd of January, 1881, to celebrate the installation of Mr.
+Burnand as the occupant of the editorial chair. And on my invitation
+card I first sketched my new friends, the _Punch_ staff, and a few of
+the outside contributors who were present, conspicuous among whom was
+George Augustus Sala, the honoured stranger of the evening. That he
+should be so struck me as peculiar, for it was an open secret that Sala
+wrote and illustrated that famous attack (nominally by Alfred Bunn), "A
+Word with _Punch_," a most vulgar, vicious, and personal insult which
+had given much offence years before; a clear proof of Mr. Punch's
+forgiving nature. That grand old man of _Punch_, Tenniel, I made an
+attempt to sketch as he was "saying a few words," but on this particular
+occasion it was my _vis-à-vis_ Charles Keene who interested me more than
+any other person present. He wore black kid gloves and never removed
+them all during dinner--that puzzled me. Why he wore them I cannot say.
+I never saw him wearing gloves at table again, or even out of doors.
+Then he was in trouble with his cigar, and finally I noticed that he
+threw it under the table and stamped upon it, and produced his favourite
+dirty Charles the First pipe, the diminutive bowl of which he filled
+continually with what smokers call "dottles." He was then apparently
+perfectly happy, as indeed he always looked when puffing away at his
+antique clay. Years afterwards, when sketching a background for a
+_Punch_ drawing in the East End, I noticed some labourers returning
+from working at excavations, laughing over something they had found in
+the ground; it was a splendid specimen of the Charles clay pipe, longer
+than any I have seen. I bought it from them to present to Keene, but he
+was ill then, and soon after the greatest master of black and white
+England ever produced had passed away.
+
+[Illustration: MY FIRST INVITATION FROM _PUNCH_.]
+
+[Illustration: A LETTER FROM CHARLES KEENE, OBJECTING TO AN
+EDITOR INTERVIEWING HIM.]
+
+[Illustration: "Robert."]
+
+After Keene the strangest character present was Mr. Deputy
+Bedford--"Robert" in the pages of _Punch_--an undertaker in the City,
+and one of the most humorous men within its boundary. I recollect
+introducing my wife to him at some function at the Mansion House--not as
+Robert, but as Mr. Deputy Bedford. She expressed her pleasure at meeting
+one of the City dignitaries, and he offered to show her over the
+treasures in the Mansion House. "There's a fine statue for you! Don't
+know who did it, but we paid a thousand pounds for it. And that one over
+there, which weighs half a ton less, cost twice as much. Oh! the
+pictures are worth something, too. That portrait cost £800; I don't know
+what that one cost, but the frame is cheap at £20. Yes, fine gold plate,
+isn't it? Old designs? Yes, but old or new, boiled down, I should think
+£80,000 wouldn't be taken for the pile!" And so on, and so on, with a
+merry twinkle in his eye and an excellent imitation of what outsiders
+consider City men to be.
+
+[Illustration: GEORGE DU MAURIER.
+   _From a pen and ink drawing by himself, the property of the Author._]
+
+My caricature of the genial E. L. S. (Sambourne) is not good, but quite
+as kind as Sala's remarks were on that occasion in chaffing Sambourne
+for turning up in morning costume. In the bottom right-hand corner of
+the card is a note of the late Mr. W. H. Bradbury, one of the
+proprietors of _Punch_, the kindest and the best host, the
+biggest-hearted and most genial friend, I ever worked for. He has his
+eye, I notice, on a gentleman making an impromptu speech--the sensation
+of the evening--referred to by Mr. M. H. Spielmann in "The History of
+_Punch_." Next to that irrepressible orator is Mr. Lucy, "Toby, M.P.,"
+as I saw him first.
+
+I note on this card an attempt to sketch du Maurier, the "Thackeray of
+the pencil." By the way, I was certainly the first to apply that term to
+him--in my first lecture, "Art and Artists." He was some distance from
+me at the banquet when I made these notes.
+
+It is a curious fact that I really never had a seat allotted to me at
+the _Punch_ table. I always sat in du Maurier's, except on the rare
+occasions when he came to the dinner, when I moved up one. It was always
+a treat to have du Maurier at "the table." He was by far and away the
+cleverest conversationalist of his time I ever met,--his delightful
+repartees were so neat and effective, and his daring chaff and his
+criticisms so bright and refreshing.
+
+For some extraordinary reason du Maurier was known to the _Punch_ men as
+"Kiki," a friendly sobriquet which greeted him when he first joined, and
+refers to his nationality. In the same way as an English schoolboy calls
+out "Froggy" to a Frenchman, his friends on the _Punch_ staff called him
+Kiki, suggested by the Frenchman's peculiar and un-English art of
+self-defence.
+
+Du Maurier took very little interest in the discussions at the table; in
+fact, he resented informal debate on the subject of the cartoon as an
+interruption to his conversation, although he once suggested a cartoon
+which will always rank as one of the most historical hits of Mr.
+Punch--a cartoon of the First Napoleon warning Napoleon the Third as he
+marches out to meet the Germans in the War of 1870.
+
+At times he might enter into the artistic treatment of the cartoon; and
+I reproduce a sketch he did on the back of a _menu_ to explain some idea
+in connection with the cartoon which appeared the following week in
+_Punch_.
+
+Du Maurier's extremely clever conversation struck me the moment I
+joined the staff of _Punch_. As I went part of his way to Hampstead, we
+sometimes shared a cab, and in one of these journeys I mentioned my
+conviction that he, in my mind, was a great deal more than a humorous
+artist, and if he would only take up the pen seriously the world would
+be all the more indebted to him. He told me that Mr. James had for some
+time said nice things of a similar character.
+
+[Illustration: SUGGESTION BY DU MAURIER FOR _PUNCH_ CARTOON.]
+
+About ten days afterwards I received a letter saying that my
+conversation had had an effect upon him, and that he was starting his
+first novel. So perhaps the world is really indebted to me, indirectly,
+for the pleasure of reading "Peter Ibbetson" and "Trilby;" the fact
+being that he had, with Burnand and myself, just visited Paris--the
+first time he had set foot in the gay city since his youth. Many things
+he saw had impressed him, and "Peter Ibbetson" was the result. How
+interesting it was to watch him in Paris, the place of his birth,
+standing, the ideal type of a Frenchman himself, smiling and as amused
+as a boy at his own countrymen and women. "So very un-English, you
+know!" Then, as we drove about Paris, he stood up in the carriage,
+excitedly showing us places familiar to him in his young days, and
+greatly amused us by pointing out no fewer than three different houses
+in which he was born! We three were the guests of Mr. Staat Forbes at
+Fontainebleau during the same trip, and du Maurier's sketches of our
+pleasant experiences on that occasion appear in _Punch_, under the
+heading "Souvenir de Fontainebleau," in three numbers in October, 1886.
+In the drawing of our _al fresco_ dinner, "Smith" is our host, I am
+"Brown," du Maurier "Jones," and Mr. Burnand "Robinson."
+
+Three years afterwards du Maurier re-visited Paris with most of the
+staff to see the Paris Exhibition, 1889. In my sketch "En Route--Mr.
+Punch at Lunch," du Maurier is speaking to Mr. Anstey Guthrie, who, "for
+this occasion only," called du Maurier the Marquis d'Ampstead.
+
+Du Maurier had a little of the green-eyed monster in his bosom, although
+he lived to laugh at all when he himself became the greatest success of
+any man in his sphere.
+
+When I made my hit with my Exhibition of the "Artistic Joke," du
+Maurier, to my surprise, turned sharply round to me one night in the cab
+and said, "My dear Furniss, I must be honest with you--I hate you, I
+loathe you, I detest you!"
+
+[Illustration: DU MAURIER'S SOUVENIR DE FONTAINEBLEAU.
+
+_From "Punch."_]
+
+"Thanks, awfully, my dear fellow! But why?"
+
+"Ah!" he said, "your success is too great. When I get the return you
+send me in the morning, showing me the number of people that have been
+to your Exhibition, the tremendous takings at the turnstiles, the number
+of albums subscribed for, the number of pictures you have sold, I cannot
+work. I go on to Hampstead Heath to walk off my jealousy; when I come in
+to lunch I find your first telegram, telling me you have made £80 that
+morning. I walk out again, and looking down upon London, although I
+shake my fist at the whole place, my wrath is for you alone. I come in
+to tea to find another telegram--you have made £100! How can I sit down
+and scratch away on a piece of paper when you are making a fortune in a
+week?"
+
+This nearly took my breath away.
+
+"My dear du Maurier," I replied, "I feel hurt--seriously, irrevocably.
+I shall always feel degraded in your eyes. Of course you are the victim
+of a practical joke."
+
+Du Maurier pulled from his pocket one of my supposed returns. It was an
+imitation of printing, with the amounts filled in. "This is the kind of
+thing I get every morning."
+
+"Why, of course, it is written, not printed. That is the work of the
+irrepressible practical joker. But it makes no difference, du Maurier;
+if you thought that I would be such a cad as to send you these returns,
+I cannot see how we can ever be great friends."
+
+Although as du Maurier believed for a time I had the necessary vulgarity
+of the "bloated millionaire," to use his own words, we were never much
+more than acquaintances--although very pleasant acquaintances--and I
+believe du Maurier reciprocated the kind feeling I had towards him. Du
+Maurier rarely forgave a satirical thrust at his expense. His dislike
+for Mr. Whistler on this account is well known to all the early readers
+of "Trilby," and he often related with unconcealed glee a remark he once
+made to Whistler. It appears they had not met for a long period, during
+which du Maurier with his satirical pictures on the æsthetic craze,
+published in _Punch_, and Whistler with his "symphonies" and "harmonies"
+on canvas, exhibited in the Law Courts, had both increased their
+reputation.
+
+"Hullo, Kiki!" cried Whistler. "I'm told that your work in _Punch_ is
+the making of some men. You have actually invented Tomkins! Why, he
+never would have existed but for you! Ha! ha! how on earth did you do
+it?"
+
+"Look here, Jimmy, if you don't look out, by Jove, I'll invent you!"
+
+How Kiki--du Maurier--carried out his threat in "Trilby," and what
+resulted from it, all the world knows.
+
+By the way, the mention of "Trilby" reminds me of a story about Mr. du
+Maurier's own Trilby which is perhaps worth recording. Du Maurier for
+some years lived on the top of Hampstead Heath, rather inaccessible for
+models. But more than once friends asked him to take a sitting from some
+lady or another, as he, drawing fashionable ladies, was different,
+perhaps, from painters using models for costumes or, as du Maurier
+would say, for the "altogether." In this way a model was introduced to
+him, and, to his surprise, she drove up to his house in a hansom, and he
+heard her asking one of the servants for change of a sovereign to pay
+the cabman. She did not sit very well, so after a short time Mr. du
+Maurier told her that he only drew from models for part of the day, and,
+rather apologetically, said he of course did not pay for the whole of
+the usual day's sitting. And she said:
+
+"Oh, thanks! I am only too pleased to sit for a short time. But would
+you kindly ask one of your servants to fetch me a hansom?"
+
+[Illustration: _PUNCH_ STAFF RETURNING FROM PARIS.
+         (_The original hangs on the wall of Mr. Punch's dining room._)]
+
+This made the artist more than ever miserable, and he said:
+
+"Excuse me, but perhaps you are not aware we only pay a modest amount
+for sitters; in fact, I generally pay five shillings for two
+hours--aw----"
+
+"You don't mean to say you are really going to give me five shillings?
+Oh, how kind of you! It will just pay half my cab fare home. I didn't
+know I was going to be so lucky." And she vanished, leaving the artist
+more bewildered than ever.
+
+Some time afterwards, in Hyde Park, he was surprised to see a carriage
+beautifully appointed pulled up to where he was standing, and a lady
+lean out and say:
+
+"I have never seen you before to thank you for your kindness in allowing
+me to sit for you. I was so anxious to see what a studio was like.
+Thanks, awfully; you must let me call again."
+
+Du Maurier had the faculty of unaffected fun, he had also a feeling for
+caricature in portraiture, but he did not care to exercise either to any
+extent in _Punch_. I recollect Sir Henry Thompson--the celebrated
+physician--showing me a copy of a book he had written, in which he
+speaks of hospital life in London. Du Maurier had studied in a London
+hospital when he first arrived in England, and he wrote to Sir Henry,
+then a stranger to him, to ask him if the wretch in his book who wheeled
+off the remains of the corpses from the dissecting-room was the same man
+he knew and loathed years ago. The sketch accompanying this query Sir
+Henry had pasted in the book in triumph. "There is the man," he said,
+"to the life!"
+
+At dinner du Maurier ate sparingly, drank moderately, and smoked
+cigarettes. He avoided champagne, preferring the wine of his
+country--claret; and after dinner, in place of coffee, he had a huge
+breakfast-cup of tea, and, like the soap advertisement boy, he was not
+happy till he got it.
+
+[Illustration: JAPANESE STYLE: A BALLET FROM _PUNCH_.]
+
+Mentioning an advertisement suggests that it may interest some to know
+du Maurier drew the label for a most popular mineral water. It is safe
+to predict that not one person in the tens of thousands looking at it
+yearly would connect du Maurier with it. It is that elaborate and rather
+inartistic design on Appollinaris water, for which he received fifty
+guineas from his friend--one of the proprietors. Anyone following his
+work in _Punch_ must have noticed that he was a hypochondriac.
+Hypochondriasis was a disease with him, he was always thinking of his
+health, and I fear that sudden burst of popularity following the success
+of "Trilby," in place of bracing him up, made him dwell somewhat more
+upon his state of health, and hastened the end.
+
+I recollect his telling me years ago he was advised to take horse
+exercise for his health's sake, so he hired a hack and started in the
+direction of Richmond Park. Arriving at the well-known windmill, and
+before descending the beautiful slopes on the other side, he took out
+his watch and, opening the case, put out his tongue to see what effect
+the ride had had on his health. The horse moved, and he found himself
+the next moment on the ground.
+
+He gave up horse exercise after that!
+
+My first contribution to _Punch_ appeared in the number dated October
+30th, 1880. "Punch," as a policeman, commanded the removal of the
+newly-erected "Griffin" in the place of Old Temple Bar: "Take away that
+Bauble!" The much-abused "Griffin" is the work (but after the design of
+Horace Jones) of an old friend of mine, the late C. B. Birch, R.A., a
+clever sculptor and a capital fellow. He sent me "his mark" of
+appreciation, but I may say he was the last man to use the instrument of
+torture suggested by his name.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+I then "did the theatres" with the editor--no mistake this time--and a
+very pleasant time it was. My first "social" drawing appeared in the
+second number in the following December, illustrating Scotch "wut"
+manufactured in London.
+
+Two Scotch rustics outside an eating-house. One points to a card in the
+window on which is "Welsh Rabbit, 6d."
+
+Hungry visitor (ignorant of the nature of this particular delicacy):
+"Ah, Donal, mon, we ken weel hev the Rawbit fur saxpence. We ken get twa
+Bawbees fur the Skeen when we get bock to Glasgow!"
+
+The Scotch is certainly new, if the joke is not.
+
+[Illustration: CHINESE STYLE. FROM A DRAWING ON WOOD. _PUNCH._]
+
+An Irish joke followed, and then in the Almanack I illustrated a hit at
+the style of ladies' dress of the period; in fact, at that time I drew
+for _Punch_ quite a number of social subjects dealing with the æsthetic
+craze. Besides illustrating various social subjects and caricaturing the
+Academy and the new plays, I was illustrating the "Essence of
+Parliament." As Mr. M. H. Spielmann in "The History of _Punch_" says
+truly, "I romped through _Punch's_ pages." I open a number of _Punch_
+published only eighteen months after my first contribution appeared, and
+two years previous to my joining the staff, and find no fewer than
+eleven separate subjects from my pencil; and I may say that up to the
+last I probably contributed more work to _Punch_ than any other artist
+ever contributed in the same number of years, Leech not excepted. I do
+not claim that this was wholly due to artistic merit, but to a business
+one. I never refused to draw a subject I was asked to do, I never was at
+a loss for a subject, and I was never late. It was to this facility I
+owe the good terms on which the editor and I worked so pleasantly and
+for so long. Being accustomed to work at high pressure for the
+illustrated papers and magazines since boyhood, I confess that _Punch_
+work to me was my playtime.
+
+I contributed over two thousand six hundred designs, from the smallest
+to the largest that ever appeared in its pages (the latter were
+published in the Christmas Numbers, 1890 and 1891), and I was not in
+receipt of a salary, but was paid for each drawing at my full rate. I
+have reason to think I drew in the time more money from _Punch_,
+proportionately, than any other contributor in its history in a like
+period. I read from time to time accounts of the remuneration men like
+myself receive. Of course these statements are invariably fiction, as in
+fact is nearly everything I have read outside Mr. Spielmann's careful
+analysis of _Punch_ concerning myself and my friends.
+
+I deal with my Parliamentary confessions, personal and artistic, in
+other chapters; I shall in this merely touch upon a few points in
+connection with _Punch_. The greater portion of my Parliamentary work,
+however, appeared in other periodicals, but it is probably by _Punch_
+work in this direction most of my readers identify me. I was fortunate,
+in the twelve years I represented _Punch_ in Parliament with the pencil,
+in having the exceptional material for work upon Mr. Gladstone at his
+most interesting period, Parnell's rise and fall, Churchill's rise and
+fall, Bradlaugh's rise and fall, and a host of others strutting their
+brief hour on the political stage. Where are they now? Mr. Chamberlain
+alone interests the caricaturist. Parliament itself is dull, the public
+is apathetic, and everything appertaining to politics is flat and
+unprofitable. Yet as far back as 1885, in the figure "Punch," I asked
+for some new character, the familiar faces were getting worked out!
+
+I had attended some sessions of Parliament before I made the
+acquaintance of the official presiding over the Press Gallery. The Press
+Gallery is, as all know, directly over the Speaker. The front row is
+divided into little boxes where the representatives of the leading
+papers sit. The others are seated above them against the wall. These
+members of the Press look like a row of aged schoolboys very much
+troubled to write anything about Parliament to-day. Their monitor sits
+by the seat near the door, which in former days was in the middle of the
+Gallery.
+
+[Illustration: FAMILIAR FACES.
+
+_Mr. Punch (Cartoonist-in-Chief)._ "OH, I KNOW ALL YOU OLD MODELS. I
+WANT SOME NEW 'CHARACTER'!"]
+
+I shall never forget my first experience of this Press Gallery official.
+He was big, and fat, and greasy; in evening dress, and he wore a real
+gold chain with a badge in front like a mayor or sheriff. He awed
+me--recollect I am now speaking of the day I attended as a comparatively
+new boy, and I trembled in his presence. There was no seat vacant except
+the one next to him. He sleeps! Nervously I slip into the seat. He
+wakes, and looks down at me.
+
+"H'm! What are you?" is his sleepy remark.
+
+"_Punch_," I reply.
+
+"Ticket?"
+
+"Left at home."
+
+"Bring it next time."
+
+"Certainly," say I, relieved. He slumbers again. I strain over to see
+who is speaking. This wakes the gentleman with the real gold chain
+again. He gazes down upon me. I feel smaller.
+
+"What are you?"
+
+"_Punch._"
+
+"Eh! Where's ticket?"
+
+"Left at home."
+
+"Bring it next time. Saves bother, young fellow."
+
+[Illustration: "HE SLEEPS."]
+
+"Certainly," I reply, and, encouraged by his familiarity, I venture to
+ask, "Who is that speaking?" I just got the question out in time, for he
+was dozing off again.
+
+"New Member," he replied, and, half dozing, he goes on, more to himself
+than to me: "One more fool! Find his level here! All fools here! Stuff
+you've been givin' them at your College Union. Rubbish! Yer
+perambulator's waitin' outside. Oh, follow yer Dad to the Upper House,
+an' look sharp about it." He mumbles. I well recollect the youthful
+Member, so criticised, labouring through his maiden speech. The eldest
+son of a Peer, with a rather effeminate face, Saxon fairness of
+complexion, and with an apology for a moustache, it struck me that if
+petrified he would do very well as a dummy outside a tailor's
+establishment. Yet this youthful scion of a noble line has a good
+record. He carried off innumerable prizes at Eton, was a double first at
+Oxford, President of the Union, and a fellow of his college; one of the
+University Eight, and of the Eleven; distinguished at tennis, racquets,
+and football; hero of three balloon ascents; great at amateur
+theatricals; a writer upon every possible subject, including theology,
+for the leading magazines; member of sixteen London clubs; married a
+titled heiress, and is only thirty years of age.
+
+[Illustration: "HERE, I SAY, WHAT ARE YOU?"]
+
+[Illustration: "_PUNCH_," I REPLIED.]
+
+Some of his college friends sit in the Strangers' Gallery to hear their
+late President make his first great effort in the real Parliament. The
+effect disappoints them. Their champion is "funky." When the Oxford
+Eight were behind at Barnes Bridge, it was "Dolly's" muscle and nerve
+that pulled the crew together and won the race. When at Lord's the match
+was nearly over, and the Light Blues had won all but the shouting,
+"Dolly" went in last man and rattled up fifty in half an hour and won
+the match. When at the Oxford Union he spoke upon the very question now
+before the House--namely, whether a tax should be imposed upon
+periwinkles--his oratory alone turned the scale, and gave his party the
+victory. Yet now his speech upon the periwinkle problem has certainly
+not impressed the House. Men listened for a time and then adjourned to
+dinner, and his splendid peroration, recognised by his friends as the
+same which he had delivered at the Oxford Union, failed to elicit a
+single cheer.
+
+Curiosity, however, induced his supporters to remain and hear the reply.
+The next speaker was a contrast to their hero, and a titter went round
+among Dolly's friends in the Gallery. He was a type of the preaching
+Member. No doubt a very worthy soul, but hardly an Adonis to look at,
+nor a Cicero to listen to. Still he is sincere, and with his own class
+effective; and sincerity, after all, is the most valuable, and I may add
+the most rare, quality in the composition of an ordinary Member of
+Parliament.
+
+My neighbour, the Usher, at this point opens his left eye, which takes
+in at a glance the Opposition side of the House, and breaks out in this
+style:
+
+"All right, little 'un! Keep wot yer sayin' till Sunday. Yer sermon's
+sending me to sleep. Forcing taxation on the winks of the 'ungry
+Englishman will raise the country to revolt. Tommy rot! Here endeth the
+first lesson, thank goodness!"
+
+The soliloquising official rolls off his seat chuckling along the
+Gallery. Envelopes are handed to him by the reporters. He rolls back to
+the door, opens it, gives the copy to the messengers waiting for it, and
+rolls back once more into his seat. In doing so he spies me.
+
+I feel smaller.
+
+"Here, I say, what are you?"
+
+"_Punch._"
+
+"Where's ticket?"
+
+"Left at home."
+
+"H'm! Don't forget it again."
+
+"Certainly not."
+
+I say nothing more, as I am too interested in his running commentary of
+the proceedings. A grunt. Shake down:
+
+"Old Waddy, is it? Another sermon. Blow black plaster. Tell that to the
+juries, and use it again in chapel. Yer a good friend to us--get a count
+soon. Ah, I thought so. Joey Biggar up to count and snuff."
+
+"Have a pinch?" he said to me.
+
+"Thanks." I sneeze.
+
+"What are you?" asked the man of the golden badge, looking down at me. I
+met his query as before.
+
+Same demand.
+
+Same reply.
+
+Same promise.
+
+The electric bells were ringing for a "count out." He opened both eyes
+to watch if forty Members came in. They did; and three times forty.
+
+"Torment 'em! Keep me here all night, I see."
+
+Samuel Banks Waddy--Pleader, Preacher, Parliamentarian (as he is
+designated in a work on M.P.'s)--continues preaching. He is followed by
+the Leader of the House. My soliloquising friend continues:
+
+"Ah, Old Morality--as Lucy calls ye--up at last. Move the closure, now
+then, that's right; speak of yer dooty to the House and Country. Set the
+Rads laughing, shut yer own mouth, and sit down. Oh lor! 'Ere's the
+Grand Old Muddler up. We're getting 'usky, old 'un; both of us have 'ad
+too much of this job. We're very much alike, Gladdy and me--both great
+eaters and great sleepers."
+
+[Illustration: "I FEEL SMALLER!"]
+
+Mr. Gladstone was telling the House all about black plaster, and gave
+three points why it should not be used in public hospitals. With the
+third point he landed a blow at Home Rule, and his ingenuity in doing
+so brought forth a derisive cheer from the Irish benches, which roused
+my neighbour.
+
+I looked up at him smiling, as much as to say, "Just like the Old
+Parliamentary Hand."
+
+"What are you?" he growled.
+
+"_Punch._"
+
+"Ticket?"
+
+Same reply and promise.
+
+Appeased, he continued:
+
+"Words, words, words--no 'ed no tail. Oh, of course you remember the
+introduction of white plaster--3rd of June, 1840--why didn't you say
+half-past two o'clock? More convincing. No doubt you got into some
+scrape and 'ad to use it. Won't you catch it from the old woman in the
+Gallery when you get home if you say so! Can't 'ear yer, thank goodness.
+Scribblers will take down any rot you talk. They want _me_, I suppose.
+Blowed if the country wants you."
+
+Again he rolls out of his seat, collects the reporters' copy, and gives
+it to the attendants.
+
+"Who are you? Ah, _Punch_. Don't forget yer ticket."
+
+Again he dozes.
+
+"'Icks Beach up! 'Ave all the Board of Trade chaps up, capping each
+other. Funny thing--Board of Trade chap says anything, all the Board of
+Traders must have a word in. Same with Local Government Board--new man
+says anything, old 'uns put in a word for theirselves, just to keep the
+place warm for them to return. Board!--I'm bored--joke there for Lucy.
+Thought the Irish lot couldn't keep quiet much longer. Tanner up,--ought
+to know more about plaster than politics. Rum fellers, these doctors in
+the House; leave their patients at 'ome, and come here to try
+ours--'nother good joke for Lucy--make his 'air stand on end. Tanner
+sticking to the plaster--now then, young Tories, jeer 'im down. The
+Doctor's goin' it. Order! order! That's right, Brand, turn 'im
+out,--wouldn't stand 'im in any place else. City Fowler's
+bellowing,--scene a-brewing,--good copy for these quill-drivers."
+
+Dr. Tanner had recited some harrowing tale about black plaster being
+used in his native town by a hospital surgeon on the scratched face of
+some old woman who had joined "the boys" in a street fight, although she
+protested that pink suited her complexion.
+
+"It was a base Saxon trick!" roared the infuriated Member for Cork
+County. "On a par with the mane, dirty doings of puppets and spalpeens
+like the Mimbers opposite."
+
+"Order! order!" cried the Speaker. "The hon. Member must withdraw that
+expression."
+
+"I'll not withdraw anything except by adding that they're all liars on
+the Tory benches."
+
+"The hon. Member must withdraw."
+
+The Doctor "exits" with a flourish, glares at the Conservative benches
+below the gangway, and hisses at them:
+
+"Better order a ton of plaster, for you'll want it after I meet ye
+outside."
+
+Mr. Labouchere and two or three Irish Members rise at once.
+
+My neighbour sneers.
+
+"Oh, sit down, ye rubbishy lot! Labby,--better keep yer jokes for yer
+paper. Bless me if Conybeare ain't left standing! Now for an hour of
+boredom."
+
+"He _is_ a bore," I remark.
+
+"Yes, I've stood Kenealy and Wharton, but this bore I can't. I'll chuck
+it up. Kenealy did his best for the Claimant, and was amusing at times;
+and Wharton,--well, he had good snuff, and his hat was a treat; but this
+Conybeare is a bore and nothing else."
+
+So he went on.
+
+The "descendant of kings," Sir William Harcourt, rose to pulverise
+Torydom and put an end to the Government and everything in general, when
+the Speaker rose and said that the question before the House was whether
+black sticking-plaster could be used in public hospitals.
+
+"Oh, that's right, he wants putting down; too much of the grand Old
+Bailey style. Make yer fortune in plush and knee breeches as a prize
+flunkey; platform stuff won't do for us. What are you?" I feel smaller!
+
+"_Punch._"
+
+"You take Harcourt off with the chins?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Shake hands!"
+
+We were friends ever afterwards.
+
+[Illustration: "I FEEL SMALLER!"]
+
+One day when I arrived,--actually with my Gallery ticket,-a fresh
+pleasant official sat in my old friend's place, wearing his gold chain
+and badge. "Should this meet the eye" of his predecessor, soliloquising
+in the retirement of his suburban home, I trust it will not disturb the
+serenity of his well-earned repose, for he was a capital fellow, and I
+can answer for much good sense in his "official utterances."
+
+If a politician were not a caricature by nature, I made him one. Mr.
+Gladstone's collar I invented--for the same reason a journalistic friend
+of mine invented Beaconsfield's champagne jelly--for "copy." When
+Members suggested nothing new, I turned my attention to officials. The
+Sergeant-at-Arms in that way became known as the "Black Beetle."
+
+I watched Captain Gosset from the Press Gallery walk up the floor of the
+House in court dress, his knee-breeches showing off his rather bandy
+legs, elbows akimbo, and curious gait; his back view at once suggested
+the beetle, and as the Black Beetle he was known. This, I was assured,
+gave offence, so that I was rather anxious to see how I should be
+greeted when Professor Thorold Rogers took me into the Sergeant's
+presence, after I had been drawing him as the "Beetle" for some time.
+
+The late Professor Thorold Rogers was for many years a familiar
+Bohemianish figure in Parliament. He had a marked individuality, a
+strong head and a rough tongue, an uncouth manner, sloppy attire, and
+his conversation was anything but refined. Still he was kind and
+amusing, and, for a Professor in Parliament, popular. Professors are not
+liked in St. Stephen's, and never a success; and as a politician
+Professor Thorold Rogers was no exception to this rule. It was he who
+introduced me to the Sergeant-at-Arms' room, that _sanctum sanctorum_ of
+the lively spirits of Parliament. Perhaps I ought correctly to call it
+Captain Gosset's room, for although Captain Gosset was the
+Sergeant-at-Arms, the Sergeant-at-Arms was by no means Captain Gosset.
+An anecdote will illustrate this.
+
+A friend of mine, a well-known journalist, travelling abroad during the
+Recess, fell in with Captain Gosset, and they became companions in their
+journey. A few days after they arrived home my journalistic acquaintance
+was in the Inner Lobby of the House of Commons as the Sergeant-at-Arms
+was passing through, and he called out, "How are you, Captain Gosset?
+Any the worse for your journey?"
+
+"I beg your pardon, sir, I have not the pleasure of your acquaintance.
+You are mistaken."
+
+"Nonsense, Captain! Why, we travelled together. I am----"
+
+"That may be, but---- Oh, I see, you are thinking of that fellow Gosset.
+Sir, I am the Sergeant-at-Arms!" And he strode off with the greatest
+dignity.
+
+I was agreeably surprised when I was introduced to the "Black Beetle."
+
+[Illustration: THE BLACK BEETLE.]
+
+"Here is Harry Furniss, Gosset" (not Sergeant, I observed); "now give it
+to him."
+
+"Delighted to make your acquaintance, Mr. Furniss. You see how I
+appreciate your work." And he pointed to a row of black beetles, cut out
+of _Punch_ and pasted on the wall, the rest of the wall being covered
+with interesting and dignified portraits of Members. Here was Gosset at
+twelve o'clock at night. At twelve noon he would be Sergeant-at-Arms,
+with power to take me to the Clock Tower.
+
+[Illustration: THE SERGEANT-AT-ARMS' ROOM. _From "Punch."_]
+
+This room is still the Sergeant-at-Arms' office, but in it are no
+portraits, no black beetles--on paper; there may be some living
+specimens, for aught I know, haunting the old room in search of the
+lively company, the pipes, and the huge decanters. The present
+Sergeant-at-Arms is as unlike a black beetle as he is unlike the
+Bohemian Gosset. But I shall be surprised if, when the courteous and
+universally appreciated Sergeant-at-Arms retires, and the present
+Assistant Sergeant-at-Arms, Mr. Gosset, takes his place, we shall not
+see the old room again the most entertaining spot in the Houses of
+Parliament.
+
+When Professor Rogers was escorting me to the famous room, he implored
+me to leave politics outside of it,--as if I ever talked politics in the
+House! "Rule is--no politics, so don't forget it."
+
+"Ah," he said, as soon as he sat down, "why aint you in the House, Tom,
+vilifying and misrepresenting the Irish as I heard you this afternoon!
+Disgraceful, I say, disgraceful!" and he thumped the table.
+
+"No politics, Professor," "Dick" Power remarked.
+
+"Oh, indeed, my noble Whip; that comes well from a beater to a beaten
+gang. Why aint you at your post,--the door-post, ha! ha!--and rally your
+men and overthrow these damned Tories? Oh, yes, King-Harman, your good
+looks do not atone for bad measures."
+
+"No politics, Professor," all cried.
+
+"Come, Furniss, come away, they're all drunk here. I'll tell you my last
+story on the Terrace. These Tories destroy everything."
+
+[Illustration: CAPT. GOSSET, LATE SERGEANT-AT-ARMS. _From the
+"Illustrated London News."_]
+
+Such was my introduction to this select little club in Parliament, in
+which, with the exception of the Professor, all forgot politics, and the
+best of the Tories, Home Rulers, Radicals, and officials were at peace.
+I was always on most friendly terms with my "Black Beetle," a proof that
+caricature leaves no unkind sting when the victim is really a man of the
+world and a jolly good fellow. Surely nothing could be more offensive to
+an official in high office than to be continually represented as a black
+beetle!
+
+[Illustration: MY "CHILDISH" STYLE IN _PUNCH_.]
+
+When I did not "invent" a character, such as the "Beetle," I adopted for
+a change various styles of drawing. For even the work of a caricaturist
+becomes monotonous if he is but a master of one style and a slave to
+mannerisms. To avoid this I am Egyptian, Chinese, Japanese, and at times
+"Childish"--a specimen of each style in _Punch_ the proprietors have
+kindly allowed me to republish in these pages. There is really very
+little artistic merit in the "Childish" style of work. I did not use it
+often, but whenever I did I tried to introduce some "drawing" as well.
+Here, for instance, are my Academy skits--drawn as if by a boy, but the
+figures of the teacher and pupil are in drawing. By the way, these
+different styles, I am glad to see, are still kept alive in the pages of
+_Punch_ by new--if not younger--hands. This year's (1901) Academy skits
+and other drawings, I notice, are signed "'Arry's Son," but they are
+not--as might be thought--by one of my own boys.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+During most of the time I enjoyed a privilege which belonged to no one
+else, not excepting Members, for even Members must, like schoolboys,
+keep "within bounds." They are not permitted, for instance, to enter the
+Press Gallery, or the portion of the House reserved to the Press;
+neither can Press-men enter the Members' rooms at will. The public,
+being ignorant of the stringent rules of St. Stephen's, cannot
+understand the obstacles there are to seeing the House. One instance
+will suffice to show the absurdity of the rules. The ex-Treasurer of the
+House of Lords, whose acquaintance I had, and whose offices were in the
+corridor by the Select Chamber, could not take anyone into the House,
+even when it was empty, without a written order. Although armed with a
+Gallery Ticket, and also on the "Lobby list," _i.e._, the right to enter
+the Inner Lobby, I was not free to make any sketches of the House
+itself, inside or out. Requiring to get such material for the elaborate
+interiors and exteriors I use in my Lecture-Entertainment, "The Humours
+of Parliament," I boldly bearded the highest official in his den, and
+left with this simple document. Aladdin's key could not have caused more
+surprise than this talisman. The head of the police, the
+Sergeant-at-Arms himself, could not interfere. "The Palace of
+Westminster" includes the House of Commons, so I made full use of my
+unique opportunity, and possess material invaluable for my Parliamentary
+work.
+
+[Illustration: I SKETCH THE HOUSE.]
+
+I had facilities in another way. At one time the Engineer-in-Chief was a
+friend of mine, Dr. Percy. Few men were better known in and about the
+House than this popular official engineer of the Palace of Westminster.
+To begin with, he was over six feet high, and had a voice that would
+carry from the Commons to the House of Lords. He had to be "all over the
+place"--under the House, over the House, and all round the House. He was
+as well-known in the smoking-room of the Garrick Club as he was in the
+smoking-room of the Commons, and it was when I joined the Garrick I made
+his acquaintance. He was also an art _connoisseur_, and had a very fine
+collection of water-colours. The first time I saw the Doctor was years
+before on a steamer on the Rance, between Normandy and Brittany. I made
+a sketch of his extraordinary features, so that when he entered the
+Garrick Club I recognised the original of my caricature. We frequently
+walked down to the Houses of Parliament together after dinner, and more
+than once he invited me behind the scenes and under the stage of
+Parliament, through the "fog filter" and ventilating shafts, when he was
+wont to indulge in a grim, saturnine humour appropriate to his
+subterranean subject. As he opened the iron doors for us to pass from
+one passage to another, close to and above which the benches are
+situated,--for the whole House is honeycombed for ventilating
+purposes,--he pretended that long experience enabled him to discriminate
+between the odours from different parts of the House, and declared that
+he could tap and draw off a specimen of the atmosphere on the Government
+benches, the Opposition side, or the Radical seats, at will.
+
+"There, my boy! eh? Pretty thick, aint it? That's the Scotch lot. Now
+hold your nose. I open this door and we get the Irish draught. Ugh! Come
+on, come on quickly--mixture of Irish, working-men M.P.'s, and Rads.
+Kill a horse!"
+
+The table of the House, which Mr. Disraeli erroneously described as "a
+solid piece of furniture," is in reality--like so many arguments which
+are flung across it--perfectly hollow; and one evening when I arrived
+with Dr. Percy and found that in consequence of the winding-up speech of
+Mr. Gladstone in a great debate the Press Gallery was full and all the
+seats under the gallery were occupied, Dr. Percy kindly allowed me to
+sit _inside the table_. I was sorely tempted to try the effect of
+inserting my pencil through the grating which forms the side of the
+table, and tickle the shins of the right hon. gentleman. Anyway, I
+looked straight into the faces of the Ministers and those on the front
+bench, and not only heard every word, but the asides and whispers as
+well.
+
+[Illustration: DR. PERCY. "THE HOUSE UP."
+
+_From "Punch."_]
+
+I only once caricatured Dr. Percy in _Punch_ (December, 1886), after
+there had been a sort of earthquake in the Inner Lobby of the House, and
+the tesselated pavement was thrown up. I made a drawing, "The House up
+at last." Dr. Percy "is personally directing the improvements." It is
+interesting to know that some of the pavement taken up on that occasion
+is laid in the hall of an hon. Member's house in the country, not far
+from West Kirby, Cheshire.
+
+[Illustration: MR. PUNCH'S PUZZLE-HEADED PEOPLE. MR. GOSCHEN.
+
+_From "Punch."_]
+
+
+                      THE VILLAIN OF ART.
+
+One frequently hears the remark, "Caricature is so ugly." Well,
+certainly pure caricature is the villain of art, and the popular
+draughtsman, like the popular actor, should, to remain popular in his
+work, always play the virtuous hero. If the leading actor _must_ play
+the villain, he takes care to make up inoffensive and tame. So the
+villain caricaturist need not be "ugly"--but then he cannot be strong.
+Nor is it left to an actor--unless he be the star or actor-manager--to
+remain popular by being tame and pretty in every part. So is the
+caricaturist, if he is not the star, liable to be cast to play the
+villain whether he likes it or not, and if he is a genuine worker he
+will not shrink from the part, merely to remain popular and curry favour
+with those deserving to be satirised.
+
+[Illustration: MR. PUNCH'S PUZZLE-HEADED PEOPLE. "ALL HARCOURTS."
+               _From "Punch."_]
+
+Now in _Punch_, as I was cast for it, I played the villain's part. In
+doing so I was at times necessarily "ugly," and therefore to some
+unpopular. I confess I felt it my duty not to shrink from being "ugly,"
+although whenever I could I introduced some redeeming element into my
+designs--the figure of a girl, allegorical of Parliament or whatever the
+"ugly" subject might happen to be--but in some of my _Punch_ drawings
+this relief was impossible. For instance, the series of "Puzzle Heads,"
+in each of which a portrait of the celebrity is built up of personal
+attributes, characteristics, or incidents in the career of the person
+represented, could not but be unpleasant pictures. Some subscribers
+threatened to give up the paper if they were continued; others became
+subscribers for these Puzzle Heads alone. It is ever so. The old saying,
+"One man's meat is another's poison," is as applicable to caricature as
+to anything else. It is impossible to please all tastes when catering
+for the large public, unless an editor is satisfied to be stereotyped
+and perfunctory; but Mr. Punch has made his name by his strength, not
+his weakness, and it may be safely inferred that no Tory thinks less of
+him for having used all his talent in attacking Benjamin Disraeli year
+after year as no man has been attacked before--or since--in his pages.
+
+In looking through the volumes of _Punch_ one is apt to forget that the
+strong situations and stirring events by which a caricaturist's hit is
+made effective at the time of publication fade from one's memory. The
+cartoon in all its strength remains a record of an event which has lost
+its interest. One cannot always realise that the drawing was only strong
+because the feeling and interest at the time of its conception demanded
+it. Allowance should therefore be made for the villain's ugly
+caricature, if it is a good drawing, prophetically correct, and
+therefore historically interesting.
+
+Perhaps no cartoon of mine in _Punch_ caused such hostile criticism as
+"The New Cabinet" (August 27, 1892). It gave great offence to the
+Gladstonians. The Radical Press attacked me ferociously, and as I think
+most unfairly, for they treated it politically and not pictorially, and
+severely reprimanded Mr. Punch for publishing it. Had it been a
+Conservative Cabinet the Tory Press would not have resented it or
+allowed narrow-minded party politics to prejudice their mind in such
+trivial matters. _Punch_ is supposed to be non-political. Its present
+editor is impartial. Mr. Punch's traditions are Whig, and somehow or
+other a certain class of its readers at that particular crisis was
+strongly opposed to the two sides of a question being treated. Yet I
+venture to say two-thirds of the readers of _Punch_ are Conservatives,
+and should therefore be amused. It is impossible to treat a strong
+political subject--such as the meeting of that particular Cabinet
+caricatured by me--without offending some readers by amusing others,
+unless, as I say, the subject is treated in a colourless manner. This
+particular cartoon hurt because it hit a strong situation in a truthful
+and straight-forward manner, and subsequent events proved it to be a
+correct conception. Yet at the time no name was too bad for me, and as
+these are my confessions, let me assure the public that had the Cabinet
+been a Conservative one I would have treated it in exactly the same way;
+and it is my firm conviction that had such been the case I would have
+given no offence either inside or outside of Mr. Punch's office.
+
+My readers will sympathise with me. I am to draw political cartoons
+without being political; I am to draw caricatures without being
+personal; I am to be funny without holding my subject up to ridicule; I
+am to be effective without being strong--in fact, I am to be a
+caricaturist without caricature! On the other hand, no cartoon I ever
+drew for _Punch_ was more popular. Non-politicians were good enough to
+accept it as an antidote to the usual caricatures, and those papers on
+the other side of politics were extravagantly complimentary, and I
+received a large sum for the original for a private collection. I allow
+the following leaderette from the _Birmingham Post_ to illustrate the
+point, and at the same time to describe the cartoon. The same paper, I
+may add, comments on the principal cartoon in _Punch_ that week--drawn
+by Tenniel--as showing that _Punch_ "thinks little of the prospects of
+the present Government":
+
+[Illustration: REDUCTION FROM ENGRAVING IN _PUNCH_.]
+
+  "'Mr. Punch' is in 'excellent fooling' this week. Rarely has he, even
+  he, more happily burlesqued a political situation than in Mr. Harry
+  Furniss's cartoon of 'The New Cabinet.' Not a word of explanation
+  accompanies the picture: it is good wine, needing no bush, and making
+  very merry. A glance suffices to seize its meaning, for it expresses a
+  thought that has flitted, at one time or another, through everyone's
+  mind. The big moment has come when Mr. Gladstone is to reveal to his
+  colleagues the secret he has hitherto withheld from them, not less than
+  from the electorate--to submit to them, masterly, succinct, complete,
+  the scheme which, with unexampled courage and sublimest modesty, they
+  have defended on trust, for which they have sacrificed their personal
+  independence without knowing why, and as to which, painful to remember,
+  they have sometimes blundered into confident and contradictory
+  conjecture. We can picture the subtle excitement--in one Minister of
+  joyful expectation, in another of horrid misgiving--under which they
+  have come together. Well, Mr. Gladstone unfolds the fateful document,
+  and lo! it is a blank sheet. Paralysis and grim despair fall upon the
+  spirits of the assembly; face to face with a nightmare reality, not a
+  man amongst them has strength to say, 'This is a dream.' At the head of
+  the table, his elbows resting on the parchment, and an undipped quill
+  actually split upon it in his angry grasp, sits the Premier, a
+  never-to-be-forgotten picture of impotent ill-humour. The task with
+  which the Cabinet is confronted, for him as for the rest, is impossible
+  and yet inexorable. In the candle-flame, by an effect of hallucination
+  natural at such a moment, the face of Mr. O'Brien seems to limn itself
+  out, implacable and contemptuous; and there is a fearsome shadow on the
+  blind--the massive head of Lord Salisbury. The candle, marked '40,' is
+  the majority, which dwindles while the Ministers are sadly musing; and
+  over the mantelpiece, behind the Premier's chair, mutely reproachful,
+  hangs a picture of the great Cabinet of 1880. It is distinctly the best
+  thing Mr. Furniss has done."
+
+That impression was shared by my private friends as well, even those on
+_Punch_. My dear friend Mr. E. J. Milliken, a strong Radical, and a most
+active member of the staff, in a reply to a letter of mine, in which I
+intimated that I was afraid my cartoon would give offence, replied in a
+most flattering spirit.
+
+I had to play the "villain" in another scene in the same political
+drama, "Mr. Punch's Historical Cartoons" (1893), in which the same
+Cabinet is shown in Mr. Gladstone's room in the "Bauble Shop"--the House
+of Commons. Those Radicals who had not joined the Unionists again took
+offence. Those Radicals who had become Unionist wrote to congratulate
+me. From one well-known and powerful personality, a historical name in
+the publishing world, I received the following:
+
+                                                 "February 23rd, 1893.
+
+  "Your cartoon p. 95 delights us all. I have looked at it twenty times
+  and seen fresh points in it. Nothing for years, I should say, has so
+  entirely caught the very spirit of a great crisis.
+
+  "We shall owe something to you for this felicitous exposure of
+  Gladstone's insane Bill. Alas! the miners and the brickies, the
+  costermongers and the dust-cart drivers, have now the power. The middle
+  class has been out-numbered, and if it were not that some labouring men
+  and artisans have hard heads enough to comprehend the position we should
+  be landed in a pretty pickle next September.
+
+  "It is a pity traitors' heads are nowadays their own copyright."
+
+A "copyright" in heads is a good suggestion, and coming from a publisher
+too! But apart from "traitors," there are others known to a
+caricaturist. The House of Commons at one time was rich in them. Some
+such works of art suffer in being translated. Indeed, what the poet
+"Ballyhooley" wrote of one might apply to others:
+
+                      "DARWIN MacNEILL.
+
+     "Darwin MacNeill, all the papers are hot on you,
+      Darwin MacNeill, they are writing a lot on you.
+      What in the world sort of face have you got on you?
+      Send us your photograph, Darwin MacNeill.
+      Surely you must be both lovely and pure!
+      Have you got fatures that nothing can cure?
+      Let's have the first of it,
+      Let's know the worst of it:
+      Is your face only a caricature?
+      Here's a health to you, Darwin MacNeill,
+      Let penny canes all your enemies feel;
+      Show me the crature would slander a fature
+      Of the beautiful Mimber for ould Donegal.
+
+     "Our childhers are dull, and we wish to be brightening them
+      Send us your picture and we'll be enlightening them,
+      Maybe 'twill only be useful for frightening them;
+      Still let us have it, dear Darwin MacNeill.
+      Shut up the slander and talk they are at,
+      Show us the head you've got under your hat;
+      True every particle, genuine article,
+      Send us your picture in answer to that.
+      Here's a health to you, etc.
+
+     "I hear that the Queen she has simply gone crazy, man;
+      Says she to Gladstone, 'Get out, you old lazy man!
+      Cannot you see that I'll never be aisy, man,
+      Till I've a portrait of Darwin MacNeill?'
+      When of that picture she first got a sight,
+      She held it up, so they say, to the light,
+      Looked at the head of it, then all she said of it,
+      'I'm of opinion that Darwin is right.'
+      Here's a health to you, etc.
+
+     "There's just arrived now, to give great content to us,
+      A lovely picture, which someone has sent to us.
+      We know the worst now, for there has been sent to us
+      What's called a portrait of Darwin MacNeill.
+      If it's a likeness, I just tell you what,
+      That you have acted in ways you should not.
+      Don't try a turn of fists
+      On with the journalists;
+      Thrash those who gave you the head you have got.
+      But here's a health to you, Darwin MacNeill!
+      Only just manage new fatures to steal,
+      Then show me the crature would slander a fature
+      Of the beautiful Mimber for ould Donegal."
+
+
+This "Pen Portrait," by Mr. Robert Martin, refers to a matter of much
+regret to me. I have to confess my sorrow that I was the means of making
+a Member of Parliament ridiculous! The innocent item came in the
+ordinary course of my work for _Punch_. I was sent an incident to
+illustrate for the Diary of Toby, M.P., which, when published, was used
+as an excuse to "technically assault" me in the Inner Lobby of the House
+of Commons.
+
+[Illustration: REDUCTION OF PAGE IN _PUNCH_, SHOWING THAT MY CARICATURES
+WERE--IN THIS CASE--PUBLISHED TOO LARGE.]
+
+Perhaps in the circumstances I may be pardoned if I confess a secret
+connected with these Parliamentary caricatures. For some years I
+provided a page drawing and some small cuts in every number during
+Parliament--the latter were generally sketches of Members of Parliament.
+These single portraits were supplied in advance, and engraved proofs
+sent in a book to Mr. Lucy to select from week by week. The following
+letter is worth quoting in full as a characteristic letter from the
+Editor, typical of his light and pleasant way of transacting business
+with his staff:
+
+  "Dear H. F.,--"Please keyindly see that H. L. (not 'Labby,' but 'Lucy')
+  has all your parliamentarians whom you (as your predecessor Henry VIII.
+  did) have executed on the block sent to him, as he found himself
+  unprovided up to the last moment and so wrote to me in his haste.
+
+  "(?) Fancy portrait. Our artist, H. F., as Henry VIII. taking off his
+  victims' heads on the block, eh?
+                                                   "Yours, "F. C. B."
+
+To this rule, however, there were exceptions. This particular caricature
+was one of them: it was drawn at the last moment to illustrate a
+particular passage in Mr. Lucy's Diary of Toby, M.P. Here it is:
+
+  "'Look here, Bartley,' said Tommy Bowles; 'if you're going on that tack,
+  you must come and sit on this side. When I saw MacNeill open his mouth
+  to speak, I confess I thought I was going to be swallowed whole. You sit
+  here; there's more of you.'"
+
+[Illustration: REDUCTION FROM THE ORIGINAL DRAWING, SHOWING THAT I GAVE
+INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE CARICATURE TO BE "REDUCED AS USUAL."]
+
+Now had I shown "Pongo," as he was familiarly called in the House, in
+the act of swallowing "Tommy Bowles," I might have produced a most
+objectionable caricature. I made, however, a smiling portrait of the
+genial Member. I was away at the time recovering from a long illness:
+the sketch was made in the country, and sent up to the _Punch_
+engraver's office. By some mistake there, it was not reduced in size in
+reproduction as others had been; therefore in the paper it was
+apparently given extra importance--I had nothing to do with that. That
+Mr. Lucy's reference to Mr. MacNeill is not a caricature can be judged
+by anyone reading the passage I had to illustrate, given above. The
+notion that the drawing was _purposely_ produced on a larger scale than
+usual, so as to give this special caricature prominence, is disproved by
+the fact that the caricature of the gallant and genial Admiral Field I
+drew exactly under the same conditions appears on the same page also far
+too large. Therefore it is a mistaken idea that this particular portrait
+was intentionally offensive, or different from others.
+
+It was really the combination of circumstances, if anything, that called
+special attention to that particular page in _Punch,_ and gave rise to
+
+
+                     A SCENE IN THE LOBBY.
+
+I shall, in describing the curtain rising on this historical incident,
+borrow Mr. Lucy's own account of the way in which the Member approached
+me after he had seen my illustration to Mr. Lucy's clever Diary of the
+Week:
+
+"It was shortly after seven o'clock that Mr. Harry Furniss strolled into
+the Lobby. He had been suffering from a long and severe sickness,
+dedicating this the first evening of his convalescence to a visit to the
+scene of labours which have delighted mankind. Over the place there
+brooded an air of ineffable peace. The bustle of the earlier hour of
+meeting was stilled. The drone of talk went on in the half-empty House
+within the glass doors. Now and then a Member hastily crossed the floor
+of the Lobby, intent on preparations for dinner. One of these chanced to
+be Mr. Swift MacNeill, a Member who, beneath occasional turbulence of
+manner, scarcely conceals the gentlest, kindliest disposition, a
+gentleman by birth and training, a scholar and a patriot. The House,
+whilst it sometimes laughs at his exuberance of manner, always shows
+that it likes him. Mr. Furniss, seeing him approach with hurried step,
+may naturally have expected that he was making haste to offer those
+congratulations on renewed health and reappearance on the scene of
+labour that had already been proffered from other quarters. What
+followed has been told by Mr. Furniss in language the simplicity and
+graphicness of which Defoe could not have excelled."
+
+Mr. Lucy refers to the following account I wrote at the time:
+
+"On my return to continue my work in Parliament for Mr. Punch after my
+severe illness, I found the jaded legislators yearning for fresh air,
+and even the approaching final division on the Home Rule Bill had failed
+to arouse more than a languid interest. I felt this depression when I
+entered the Lobby, its sole occupants being the tired-out doorkeepers
+and the leg-weary policemen. I really believe a swarm of wasps would not
+have roused them to activity, for I noticed a bluebottle resting
+undisturbed upon the nose of one of Inspector Horsley's staff. Even the
+Terrace was dusty, and the Members rusty and morose. One of the Irish
+Members had selected as his friend Frank Slavin, the well-known
+prize-fighter, who had an admiring group round him, to whom no doubt he
+was relating the history of his many plucky battles.
+
+[Illustration: WHAT HAPPENED.]
+
+"The stimulating effect of this may have been the cause for the assault
+upon me in the Inner Lobby, which has afforded the stale House some
+little excitement, which has been the salvation of the silly season. So
+many papers have given startling accounts of this attack upon me, some
+stating that I was caned, others that I was pummelled, shaken like a
+dog, and so on, that I am glad to take the opportunity of giving a clear
+statement of what really occurred. I was standing close to the doors of
+the Inner Lobby, talking to Mr. Cuthbert Quilter, when Mr. Swift
+MacNeill interrupted us by asking me, 'Are you the man that draws the
+cartoons in _Punch_?' 'That depends upon what they are,' said I. 'I
+refer to one,' said the excited Member, 'that has annoyed me very much,'
+'Let me see it,' I replied. Mr. MacNeill then drew out his pocket-book
+and showed me a cutting from the current number of _Punch_. 'Yes,' I
+said, 'that is from a drawing of mine,' 'Then ye're a low, black-guardly
+scoundrel,' melodramatically exclaimed the usually genial Member. Taking
+two or three steps back, he hissed at me, with a livid face, a series of
+offensive epithets too coarse for publication. Having exhausted his
+vocabulary of vulgarity, a happy thought seemed to strike him. 'I want
+to assault you,' he said, and forthwith he nervously and gingerly tapped
+me as if he were playing with a hot coal. He then danced off to Members
+who were looking on, crying, 'This is the scoundrel who has caricatured
+me; witness, I assault him!' and he recommenced the tapping process
+which constituted this technical assault. Knowing that Mr. MacNeill is a
+very excitable subject, and at once detecting that this assault was a
+'put-up job,' I was determined to remain perfectly cool; and, truth to
+tell, the pirouetting of the agitated Member hugely amused me,
+particularly as the more excited he became, the more he resembled the
+caricature which was the cause, or supposed to be the cause, of this
+attack, I treated the hon. Member exactly as the policeman treated the
+bluebottle--with perfect indifference, not even troubling to brush away
+the trifling annoyance. But when in the midst of its buzzing round me I
+moved in the direction of one of the officials, it flew away. Then
+appeared what I had been anticipating, and the real cause of the insult
+transpired. Dr. Tanner came up to me just as I recollect Slavin
+approaching Jackson in their historic fight. He showered the grossest
+insults upon me, and I was surrounded at once by his clique, who were
+anxious for the scene which must have occurred had I, like Jackson, been
+the first to let out with my left. But here again was I face to face
+with a chronically excited Member, backed up by his friends, and I
+refused to be drawn into a brawl. But the secret of the real cause of
+this organised attack upon me was revealed to me by Dr. Tanner, who at
+once informed me that it was the outcome of my imitations of the Irish
+Members in my entertainment, 'The Humours of Parliament,' which I have
+given for two seasons all over the country. This was my offence; my
+caricature of Mr. Swift MacNeill the excuse for the attack."
+
+[Illustration: DR. TANNER.]
+
+Mr. MacNeill's "technical assault" was a very childish incident. He
+merely touched the sleeve of my coat with the tip of his finger, and
+asked me if I would accept that as a "technical assault." This
+mysterious pantomime was subsequently explained to me, and meant that I
+was to take out a summons--but I only laughed. At the moment Mr.
+MacNeill was pirouetting round me at a distance, Mr. John Burns came on
+to the scene, and chaffed Mr. MacNeill, drawing an imaginary picture
+(for Mr. Burns was not in the Lobby) of a real assault upon me. A
+gentleman connected with an evening paper, who happened to enter with
+Mr. Burns, failed to see Mr. Burns's humour, and thereupon took down in
+shorthand Mr. Burns's imaginary picture as a matter of fact. It was
+published as a fact, and, for all I know or care, some may still believe
+that I was assaulted!
+
+[Illustration: ASSAULT ON ME IN THE HOUSE. WHAT THE PRESS DESCRIBED.]
+
+When I read that I had been treated like a cur, I was rather amused; but
+when I read a statement in the papers from a man like John Burns saying
+that he saw me "taken by the lapels of the coat and shaken like a dog,
+and then taken by the ear and shaken by that," I thought the joke had
+been carried far enough. Determined to have this cock-and-bull story
+contradicted at once, I went down to the House and saw Mr. John Burns,
+who expressed to me his regret that he should have invented the story,
+and he left me to go to the writing-room, and promised I should have
+from him a written contradiction.
+
+After waiting a considerable time, a message was brought to me that Mr.
+Burns declined to keep his promise. I therefore wrote these particulars
+and sent them off to the Press. At the same time Mr. Burns, who had been
+closeted with some Radical journalists, wrote an offensive note--which
+was shown me, and which I advised him to publish.
+
+Poor Mr. MacNeill! Well may he say, "Save me from my friends!" The Press
+put on their comic men to make copy at his expense. If I were to publish
+it all, it would make a volume as large as this. By permission I publish
+the following lay from the _St. James' Budget_ (September, 1893):
+
+
+                 "THE LAY OF SWIFT MACNEILL.
+
+                 (_Picked up in the Lobby._)
+
+  "Have ye heard, have ye heard, of the late immortal fray,
+   When the lion back of Swift MacNeill got up and stood at bay,
+   When the lion voice of Tanner cried, 'To Judas wid yer chaff!'
+   An' the Saxon knees were shaking, though they made believe to laugh.
+
+  "'Twas widin the Commons' Lobby, in the corner by the dure,
+   There was Misther Harry Furniss a-standing on the flure,
+   When up to him came stalking, like O'Tarquin in his pride,
+   The bowldest of the bowld, MacNeill, wid the Docther by his side.
+
+  "Then the valiant Swift MacNeill from his pocket he took out
+   A picther very like him, an' he brandished it about,
+   An' he held it up to Furniss for his Saxon eyes to see,
+   An' he asked of him, 'Ye spalpeen, is this porthrait meant for me?'
+
+  "''Tis your likeness, as I see it,' was the answer that he got,
+   An' the wrath of Misther Swift MacNeill then wax'd exceeding hot,
+   An' he cast the picther from him, an' he trod it on the ground,
+   An' he took an' danced an Irish jig the artist's form around.
+
+  "'Ye spalpeen,' thus again he spoke, 'ye most obnoxious fellow!
+   Ye see that I'm a lion, yet ye've made me a gorilla;
+   If your Saxon eyes are blinded to the truth of what I say,
+   Go and borrow for a moment the glasses of Tay Pay.
+
+  "'They will show ye that our seventy are Apollos one and all,
+   That we're most divinely lovely an' seraphically tall;
+   They will show ye we're all angels--though for divils I'll allow,
+   'Tis the black ones ye'll be seeing where the lost to Redmond bow.'
+
+  "Then Misther Swift MacNeill, just to lave his meaning clear,
+   Wid flowers of Irish eloquence filled Mr. Furniss' ear;
+   An' he also shook wid passion, an', moreover, shook his fist,
+   An' the Docther an' his blackthorn stood all ready to assist.
+
+  "Misther Furniss smiled serenely, an' the only word he spoke
+   Was to say it seemed that Misther Swift was slow to see a joke,
+   But for all his jokes an' blarney, things were looking like a fight,
+   When a minion of the Spayker was seen to be in sight.
+
+  "Then Apollo Swift MacNeill from his dignity got down,
+   An' he withered Misther Furniss wid a godlike parting frown,
+   An' he stalked along the Lobby wid his grand O'Tarquin stride,
+   An' the other Mimbers followed him, an' went the House inside.
+
+  "An' there they still are threading on the necks of Saxon slaves,
+   An' nightly wid their eloquence they're digging Saxon graves;
+   An' my counsel to the artist who their fatures would porthray,
+   Is to thry and see their beauty through the glasses of Tay Pay."
+
+This manufactured "scene," coming as it did in the silly season, was
+made to serve instead of the Sea-Serpent, the Toad-in-the-Rock, the
+Shower of Frogs, and other familiar inventions for holiday reading.
+Unfortunately the poor Members of Parliament obliged to remain in St.
+Stephen's had to suffer far more than I did through the eccentricity of
+Mr. Swift MacNeill. Several of them complained to me that he lured them
+into the corridors and corners of the House, and then vigorously set to
+work to demonstrate practically how he assaulted me, or how he imagined
+he assaulted me, to the discomfiture and consternation of the poor
+M.P's.
+
+[Illustration: JOHN BURNS.]
+
+I should like to explain why this "technical assault" on me was not made
+a matter of discussion. I did intend a friendly Member should have
+brought it before the Speaker, and in that way published the truth of
+the matter and exposed the stupid inventions of Burns & Co. With that
+object I had an interview with the Speaker, and he implored me not under
+any circumstances to have it brought before the House. He was already
+tired, at the end of a trying session, and did not want any personal
+questions discussed, which invariably led to protracted scenes. For that
+reason, and for that reason only, it was not mentioned in Parliament,
+notwithstanding it was really a much more serious affair than was
+imagined. It was a deliberately organised conspiracy. When I was leaving
+the Lobby, after my amusing interview with Mr. MacNeill, in which he
+told me that I was "technically assaulted," Chief Inspector Horsley took
+me down a private passage, and informed me that he had been looking for
+me, as he had discovered there was a conspiracy to attack me, and at
+that moment nine or ten Members from Ireland were in the passage
+downstairs, out of which I would have in the ordinary course gone
+through, lying in wait for me. So I left with him by another door.
+
+[Illustration: NOTE FROM SIR FRANK LOCKWOOD, AFTER READING THE BOGUS
+ACCOUNT OF THE "ASSAULT."]
+
+In this I was not more to blame than other caricaturists, but I was more
+in evidence, and was selected to be "technically assaulted," so as to
+force me to bring an action, in which all papers, except those
+supporting the Irish Party, would have been attacked and discussed, and
+their influence if possible injured for purely political purposes. An
+aggrieved person, smarting under a gross injustice, does not
+"technically assault" the aggressor. Had Mr. McNeill tried it on with
+me, weak and ill as I was, I think I had enough power to oblige him; as
+it happened, I only saw the humour of the thing.
+
+[Illustration: LETTER SUPPOSED TO COME FROM LORD CROSS. (LOCKWOOD'S
+JOKE.)]
+
+One of the most amusing sketches I received was this from Sir Frank
+Lockwood. Lockwood and I frequently exchanged caricatures, as shown by
+the clever sketches I introduce here and there in these pages. Sometimes
+he sent me some chaffing note written in a disguised hand, and disguised
+drawing; but the latter experiment, although it failed to deceive,
+certainly entertained me greatly. Here is a letter supposed to be from
+Lord Cross, a favourite subject of mine when he was in the Lower House.
+Seldom a week passed but I made his nose shorter and his upper lip
+longer, made his head stick out, and his spectacles glisten. Did he
+object? No, no! "Grand Cross" is a man of the world; nor was he ever a
+mere notoriety-seeking political adventurer. I once met him at dinner,
+and we chatted over my caricatures of him, and I recollect his saying,
+"A man is not worth anything if he is thin-skinned, and certainly not
+worth much if he cannot enjoy a joke at his own expense."
+
+Sir Frank Lockwood whiled away the weary hours in Parliament to his own
+amusement and those around him, but he was not aware perhaps that what
+he did was seen from the Ladies' Gallery. The ladies got a birdseye view
+of his caricatures in progress. One in particular was the cause of much
+amusement, not only to the ladies, but to the Members. My lady informant
+related the incident to me thus: "I always watch Mr. Lockwood sketching,
+and I saw he had his eye on the burly figure of a friend of mine sitting
+on the Ministerial bench. Mr. Gladstone turned round to say something to
+him, and his quick eye detected Mr. Lockwood sketching. The artistic
+Q.C. handed the sketch (which I saw was a caricature of the late Lord
+Advocate) to Mr. Gladstone, who fairly doubled up with laughter, and
+handed it to those on either side of him. Eventually it was sent over to
+Mr. MacDonald and Mr. Balfour, and they thoroughly enjoyed the
+caricature of themselves, as did all their Tory friends. But _we_ had
+seen it first!" It may have been this sketch subsequently sent to me and
+redrawn in _Punch_.
+
+I recall an incident which happened one evening when I was on watch in
+the Inner Lobby to find and sketch a newly-elected M.P., who, I heard,
+was about to make his maiden speech, and it was most important I should
+catch him. Just as I was going up to the Press Gallery, Sir Frank
+Lockwood came into the Lobby and offered to get me a seat under the
+Gallery where I could see the new M.P. to advantage. The new M.P. was
+"up," so Lockwood went into the House to fetch me the Sergeant's order.
+I waited impatiently for his return; a long time passed; still I waited.
+A smiling Member came out of the House, and I asked him if he had seen
+Lockwood. "Oh, rather," he replied, smiling still; "I've just been
+sitting by him, watching him make a capital caricature of a chap making
+his maiden speech." When the Member had finished his speech, Lockwood
+ran out, and cheeringly apologised to me for his absent-mindedness. "So
+tempting, you know, old chap, I couldn't resist sketching him!"
+
+Sir Frank Lockwood was perhaps the most favourable modern specimen of
+the buoyant amateur. Possessing a big heart, kindly feeling, a brilliant
+wit, and a facile pen, he treated art as his playfellow and never as his
+master. And in the spirit in which his work was executed so must it be
+judged. The work of an amateur artist possessing a distinct vein of
+humour is, in my opinion, far more entertaining than that of the
+professional caricaturist, the former being absolutely spontaneous and
+untrammelled by the conscientiousness of subsequent publication, of
+correct draughtsmanship, made only from impressions of the moment, and
+not the effort (as in the case of many a professional humorist) of
+having to be funny to order.
+
+An excellent example of the amateur at his best is to be found in the
+drawings of Sir Frank Lockwood. No one would resent less than Lockwood
+himself having the term "amateur" applied to his work; indeed, he would,
+I am sure, have felt proud to be classed in the same category as several
+of our most popular humorous artists.
+
+[Illustration: SIR F. LOCKWOOD.]
+
+Circumstances connected with a curious coincidence concerning a
+caricature (what alliteration!) are worth confirming.
+
+One morning I was taking my usual horse exercise round the ride in the
+inner circle of Regent's Park, before that spot, once the quiet haunt of
+the horseman, became the noisy ring of the cyclist. At that time a few
+cycling beginners used the circle for practice, and their alarming
+performances were gradually depleting the number of equestrians. One of
+these novices came down the hill, having an arm round the neck of his
+instructor, and one leg on the pedal, the other in mid air. He was
+unable to steer the machine, and as I cantered up, the performer's hat,
+which had been over one eye, fell off, disclosing the features of
+Professor Bryce. The next moment the machine, its rider and his
+instructor, were "all of a heap" on the ride up which my horse was
+cantering. I had just time to jump my horse on to the path and thus
+save my own neck, and the life of the energetic Member of Parliament,
+who I noticed later in the day, when sitting in the Press Gallery, was
+on the front Opposition bench, next to Sir Frank Lockwood, quite
+unconcerned. I made a rough sketch of the incident of the morning, and
+sent it down to my brother Two Pins, Sir Frank, with a request that his
+friend Bryce should in future select some other spot to practise
+bicycling. This was handed to Lockwood just as he was leaving the House,
+strange to say, on his way home to dress for a dinner at Professor
+Bryce's. Lockwood mischievously placed the sketch in the pocket of his
+dress coat, and at the dinner led up to the subject of cycling,
+suggesting at the same time that his host ought to try it.
+
+"Well, strange to say, Lockwood, I've been seriously thinking of it, but
+I don't know how one should begin."
+
+"Don't you?" cried Lockwood from the other end of the table. "What do
+you say to this, nearly killing my friend Harry Furniss!" And my
+caricature was produced and handed down from guest to guest, to the
+chagrin of the host. That was Lockwood's version of the coincidence.
+
+[Illustration: LEWIS CARROLL'S SUGGESTION, AND MY SKETCH OF IT IN
+_PUNCH_.]
+
+Suggestions for _Punch_ came to me from most unexpected quarters, but
+were rarely of any use. Lewis Carroll--like every one else--got excited
+over the Gladstonian crisis, and Sir William Harcourt's head to Lewis
+Carroll was much the same as Charles the First's to Mr. Dick in "David
+Copperfield," for I find in several letters references to Sir William.
+
+  "_Re_ Gladstone's head and its recent growth, couldn't you make a
+  picture of it for the 'Essence of Parliament'? I would call it 'Toby's
+  Dream of A.D. 1900,' and have Gladstone addressing the House, with his
+  enormous head supported by Harcourt on one side, and Parnell on the
+  other."
+
+This suggestion is the only one I adopted. Strange to say, neither
+Gladstone, Parnell, nor Lewis Carroll lived to see 1900.
+
+  "Is that anecdote in the papers _true_, that some one has sent you a
+  pebble with an accidental (and not a 'doctored') likeness of Harcourt?
+  If so, let me suggest that your most _graceful_ course of action will be
+  to have it photographed, and to present prints of it to any authors
+  whose books you may at any time chance to illustrate!"
+
+This is the "anecdote":
+
+  "Someone found on the seashore the other day a pebble moulded exactly on
+  the lines of Mr. Furniss' portrait of Sir William Harcourt."
+
+Other notices were in verse. This from _Vanity Fair_ is the best:
+
+     "For Fame, 'tis said, Sir William craves,
+        And to some purpose he has sought her;
+      His face is fashioned by the waves:
+        When will his name be 'writ in water'?"
+
+I lay under a charge of plagiarism. Nature had "invented" my Harcourt
+portrait, and had been at work upon it probably before I was born; the
+wild waves had by degrees moulded a shell into the familiar features,
+and when completed had left the sea-sculptured sketch high and dry on
+the coast. I now publish, with thanks, a photo-reproduction of the shell
+(not a pebble) as I received it: it is not in any way "doctored." It is
+a large, weather-beaten shell.
+
+[Illustration: NATURE'S PUZZLE PORTRAIT.]
+
+There is no doubt but that at one time Lewis Carroll studied _Punch_,
+for in one of his earliest letters to me he writes:
+
+  "To the best of my recollection, one of the first things that suggested
+  to me the wish to secure your help was a marvellously successful picture
+  in _Punch_ of a House of Lords entirely composed of Harcourts, where the
+  figures took all possible attitudes, and gave all possible views of the
+  face; yet each was a quite unmistakable Sir William Harcourt!"
+
+Again he refers to _Punch_ (March, 1890):
+
+  "A wish has been expressed in our Common Room (Christ's Church, Oxford),
+  where we take in and bind _Punch_, that we could have 'keys' to the
+  portraits in the Bishop of Lincoln's Trial and the 'ciphers' in
+  Parliament" (a Parliamentary design of mine, "The House all Sixes and
+  Sevens"). "Will you confer that favour on our Club? If you would give me
+  them done roughly, I will procure copies of those two numbers, and
+  subscribe the names in small MS. print, and have the pages bound in to
+  face the pictures. The simplest way would be for you to put numbers on
+  the faces, and send a list of names numbered to correspond."
+
+Yet a few years brought a change (October, 1894):
+
+  "No doubt it is by your direction that three numbers of your new
+  periodical have come to me. With many thanks for your kind thought, I
+  will beg you not to waste your bounties on so unfit a recipient, for I
+  have neither time nor taste for any such literature. I have much more
+  work yet to do than I am likely to have life to do it in--and my taste
+  for comic papers is _defunct_. We take in _Punch_ in our Common Room,
+  but I never look at it!"
+
+Hardly a generous remark to make to a _Punch_ man who had illustrated
+two of his books, and considering that Sir John Tenniel had done so much
+to make the author's reputation, and _Punch_ had always been so
+friendly; but this is a bygone.
+
+
+                              PUNCH AT PLAY.
+
+[Illustration: W]
+
+Well, Sir John, the Grand Old Man of _Punch_, the evergreen, the
+ever-delightful Sir John, has earned a night's repose after all his long
+day of glorious work and good-fellowship. "A great artist and a great
+gentleman": truer words were never spoken. It seems but yesterday he and
+I took our rides together; but yesterday he and I and poor
+Milliken--three _Punch_ men in a boat--were "squaring up" at Cookham
+after a week's delightful boating holiday on the Thames.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    "There sat three oarsmen under a tree,
+       Down, a-down, a-down--hey down!
+     They were as puzzled as puzzled could be,
+              With a down;
+     And one of them said to his mate,
+     'We've got these mems in a doose of a state,'
+       With a down derry, derry down!
+
+    "Oh, they were wild, these oarsmen three,
+       Down, a-down, a-down--hey down!
+     Especially one with the white puggree,
+               With a down;
+     For it's precious hard to divide by three
+     A sum on whose total you can't agree,
+       With a down derry, derry down!
+
+    "They bit their pencils and tore their hair,
+       Down, a-down, a-down--hey down!
+     But those blessed bills, they wouldn't come square,
+              With a down;
+     'Midst muddle and smudge it is hard to fix
+     If a six is a nine or a nine is a six,
+       With a down derry, derry down!
+
+    "A crumpled account from a pocket of flannel
+       Down, a-down, a-down--hey down!
+     With dirt in dabs, and the rain in a channel,
+               With a down,
+     Is worse to decipher than uniform text,
+     Oh, that is the verdict of oarsmen vext,
+       With a down derry, derry down!
+
+    "A man in a boat his ease will take,
+       Down, a-down, a-down--hey down!
+     But financial conscience at last will wake,
+              With a down;
+     Then Nemesis proddeth the prodigal soul
+     When he finds that the parts are much more than the whole,
+       With a down derry, derry down!
+
+    "Those oarsmen are having a deuce of a time,
+       Down, a-down, a-down--hey down!
+     The man in the puggree is ripe for crime,
+             With a down.
+     Now heaven send every boating man
+     For keeping accounts a more excellent plan,
+       With a down derry, derry down!"
+
+So pencilled poet Milliken. "The man in the puggree" is Sir John,--ripe
+for many years to come, and when he has another banquet, may I be there
+to see.
+
+_The Two Pins Club_ was a _Punch_ institution.
+
+Original notice of
+
+                       "THE TWO PINS CLUB.
+
+  "There are Coaching Clubs, Four-in-hand Clubs, Tandem Clubs, and
+  Sporting Clubs of all sorts, but there is no _Equestrian Club_.
+
+  "The object of the present proposed Club is to supply this want.
+
+  "The Members will meet on Sundays, and ride to some place within
+  easy reach of town: there lunch, spend a few hours, and return.
+
+  "Due notice will be given of each 'Meet,' and replies must be sent in to
+  the Secretary by Wednesday afternoon at latest. When it is considered
+  necessary, Luncheon will be ordered beforehand for the party, and those
+  who have neglected to reply by the time fixed, and who do not attend the
+  Meet, will be charged with their share of the Luncheon.
+
+  "There will be other Meets besides those on Sundays, which will be
+  arranged by the Members from time to time.
+
+  "The title of the Club is taken from the names of the two most celebrated
+  English Equestrians known to 'the road,' viz.:--
+
+                     "'DICK TURPIN'
+
+                           AND
+
+                     "'JOHN GILPIN.'
+
+  "The Members of 'THE TWO PINS' will represent all the dash of the one
+  and all the respectability of the other.
+
+  "The original Members at present are:--
+
+                  MR. F. C. BURNAND.
+                  MR. JOHN TENNIEL.
+                  MR. LINLEY SAMBOURNE.
+                  MR. HARRY FURNISS.
+                  MR. R. LEHMANN.
+
+  "It is not proposed at first to exceed the number of twelve. The other
+  names down for invitation to become members are--
+
+              MR. FRANK LOCKWOOD, Q.C., M.P.
+              MR. JOHN HARE.[3]
+              SIR CHARLES RUSSELL, Q.C., M.P.
+
+  "We hope you will join. The eight Members can then settle a convenient
+  day for the first Meet, and inaugurate the TWO PINS CLUB.
+
+                 [3] "N.B. No hounds."
+
+[Illustration: LORD RUSSELL'S ACCEPTANCE TO DINE WITH ME.]
+
+The Two Pins Club was started in 1890, and flourished until its
+President, Lord Russell, was elevated to the Bench. My only claim for
+distinction in connection with it rests on the fact that I was the only
+member who, except when I was in mid-Atlantic on my return from the
+States, never missed a meet. Were the Club now a going concern, I would,
+of course, refrain from mentioning it, but as it is referred to in the
+"History of _Punch_" by Mr. Spielmann, and in "John Hare, Comedian," by
+Mr. Pemberton, I may be pardoned and also forgiven for repeating the one
+joke ever made public in connection with this remarkable Club.
+
+One afternoon our cavalcade was approaching Weybridge, which had been
+the scene of the boyish pranks of one of our members. To the amusement
+of us all, this brother Two Pins, as reminiscences of the district were
+recalled to him by one object and another, grew terribly excited.
+
+"Ah, my boys, there is the dear old oak tree under which I smoked my
+first cigarette! And there, where the new church stands, I shot my first
+snipe. Dear me, how all is altered! I wonder if old Sir Henry Tomkins
+still lives in the Lodge there, and what has become of the Rector's
+pretty daughter?" etc.
+
+Sir Frank Lockwood, observing lettering on the side of a house, "General
+Stores," casually asked our excited reminiscent friend if he "knew a
+General Stores about these parts?"
+
+"General Stores! Of course I do, but he was only a Captain when I lived
+here!"
+
+When the members lunched at The Durdans our host and honorary member,
+Lord Rosebery, remarked that it was a Club of "one joke and one horse!"
+the fact being that we all drove over from Tadworth, Lord Russell's
+residence, where we were staying, with the exception of Lord Russell
+himself, who rode. We had, of course, each a horse: some of the members
+a great deal more than one, but we were careful to trot out one joke
+between us: "General Stores" became our general and only story.
+
+The first public announcement respecting the Club appeared in the _Daily
+Telegraph_, the 4th of May, 1891:
+
+"The T.P.C. held its first annual meeting at the 'Star and Garter Hotel'
+yesterday morning. There was a full attendance of members. Under the
+careful and conciliatory guidance of the President, Sir Charles Russell,
+supported mainly by Mr. F. C. Burnand, Mr. Frank Lockwood, Mr. Harry
+Furniss, Mr. Edward Lawson, Mr. Charles Mathews, Mr. John Hare, Mr.
+Linley Sambourne, and Mr. R. Lehmann (hon. sec.), the customary
+business was satisfactorily transacted, and the principal subjects for
+discussion were dealt with in a spirit of intelligent self-control. Mr.
+Arthur Russell was unanimously elected a member of the association,
+which in point of numbers is now complete."
+
+[Illustration: _This sketch is à propos of Mr. Linley Sambourne's
+portrait in "Vanity Fair." Note refers to his being made
+Solicitor-General._]
+
+[Illustration]
+
+But the object of the Club being carefully concealed, much mystery
+surrounds its name. Few were aware that it was merely a band of
+"Sontag-Reiters." Our hon. sec., being at the time prominent in
+politics, received congratulations from those who imagined the T.P.C.
+was a political association, and much wonderment was excited by the
+decidedly enigmatical appellation of the small and select society. Sir
+Edward Lawson showed marked ingenuity in retaining the mystery by his
+paragraphs in his paper. The first meet of our second season was the
+only one I missed during the years the Club existed:
+
+"The first meeting of the T.P.C. for the season of 1892 took place
+yesterday at the 'Star and Garter Hotel,' under the presidency of Sir
+Charles Russell, who was assisted in the performance of his duties by
+Mr. Frank Lockwood, Mr. Linley Sambourne, Mr. Edward Lawson, and Mr C.
+W. Mathews. The arrangements for the season were completed, and a digest
+was made of the subjects which claimed the immediate consideration of
+the members. The President called attention to a delay which had
+occurred in the fulfilment of certain artistic duties which had been
+entrusted to Mr. Harry Furniss and Mr. Linley Sambourne, and which had
+been retarded in their accomplishment by Mr. Furniss' voyage to America.
+But it was understood that immediate attention would now be bestowed
+upon the work in hand; and the remainder of the business was of a
+routine character."
+
+[Illustration: MR. LINLEY SAMBOURNE.]
+
+The "artistic duties" referred to, I have no recollection of, but I know
+that at our preliminary meeting, when all matters, artistic and
+otherwise, were discussed and arranged, the two following important
+resolutions were proposed, seconded, and carried unanimously:--
+
+  "That Mr. Rudolph Lehmann be elected Permanent Secretary, and that the
+  duty of sending out all notices convening the Meets of the T.P.C., as
+  well as all arrangements connected with the Club, be entrusted to him;
+  and that every notice of meeting be posted and prepaid by him eight
+  lunar, or at least three calendar, days before the date of each Meet;
+  and further, that records in a neat and clerkly style of each and every
+  Meet be faithfully kept by the said Secretary, and be at all times open
+  for the inspection of each and every member of the T.P.C."
+
+  "That Mr. Linley Sambourne shall provide at his own expense the
+  notepaper and envelopes required for the business of the Club, and shall
+  invent and draw a design, which design, also at his own expense, he
+  shall cause to be stamped or otherwise engraved on the said notepaper
+  and envelopes, and shall cause the said notepaper so stamped or
+  engraved to be forwarded to the Perpetual President, the Permanent
+  Secretary, and the other members, for use in connection only with the
+  business of the Club."
+
+  "It was further resolved that all maps and charts be kept at the
+  Secretary's Office, and in the event of any dispute, the Ordnance Map or
+  the Admiralty Chart shall be decisive."
+
+
+But during the existence of the Club there never was any cause to refer
+to an Ordnance Map or Admiralty Chart. There never was a Secretary's
+Office, nor did Mr. Linley Sambourne either design or provide the
+notepaper or envelopes, nor are there any records in existence, either
+printed or written "in a neat and clerkly style," of the merry meetings
+of this unique Club. It ran its delightful and dangerous course, its
+wild career, unmarred by any dispute or accident. The last "meet" was to
+dine Lord Russell on his elevation to the Bench.
+
+[Illustration: PORTRAIT OF ME AS A MEMBER OF THE TWO PINS CLUB, BY
+LINLEY SAMBOURNE.]
+
+I shall never forget the first occasion on which I saw the late Lord
+Russell. It was in the old days when the Law Courts were in
+Westminster,--and I, in search of "character," strangely enough found
+myself wandering about the Divorce Court, where so many characters are
+lost. It was a _cause célèbre_,--the divorce suit of a most
+distinguished Presbyterian cleric who charged his wife, the
+co-respondent being the stable-boy. Russell (then plain Mr.) was for the
+clergyman, and when I entered the crowded court, he was in the midst of
+his appeal to the jury, working himself up to a pitch of eloquence,
+appealing to all to look upon the saintly figure of the man of prayer
+(the plaintiff, who was playing the part by kneeling and clasping his
+hands), and asking the jury to scorn all idea of his client having any
+desire to free himself of his wife so as to marry his pretty governess,
+or cousin, or whomever it was suggested he most particularly admired.
+Russell had arrived at quoting Scripture,--he was at his best, austere,
+eloquent, persuasive, an orator, a gentleman, a great advocate, and as
+sanctimonious as his kneeling client.
+
+[Illustration: THE LATE LORD RUSSELL, THE PRESIDENT OF THE TWO PINS
+CLUB.]
+
+He was interrupted by someone handing him a telegram. As he opened it he
+said, waving it towards his client, "This may be a message from Heaven
+to that saint,--ah, gentlemen of the jury, the words so
+pure--so--so----" (he reads the telegram).
+
+"D----! D----! D----!" He crushed the telegram in his hand, and with an
+angry gesture threw it away. Although his words were drowned by the
+"laughter in Court," his gestures and face showed his chagrin and
+disgust. The Grand National had been run half-an-hour before.
+
+Years afterwards, on his own lawn at Tadworth, I told him of this
+incident, and asked him what the contents of that telegram were. He
+declared I was wrong, such an incident never occurred in his career. I
+convinced him I was right--it was the first time I saw him, and every
+detail was vividly impressed upon my memory. After dinner he came to me
+and said, "Furniss, I have been thinking over that incident. You are
+quite right--it has all come back to me. I lost my temper, I recollect,
+because I had wired to my boy over there to make a bet for me on an
+outsider at a long price; when at lunch, I heard the horse had won. I
+was delighted, and therefore at my best when I addressed the jury. The
+telegram was from my boy to say that he forgot to put the money on!"
+
+Riding has caused my appearance in a Police Court, but not as a member
+of the Two Pins Club. In October, 1895, I was returning from my usual
+ride before breakfast, accompanied by my little daughter; we turned into
+the terrace in which we live, and our horses cantered up the hill about
+120 yards. As we were dismounting, a Police Inspector passed, addressing
+me by name, and in a most offensive tone declared that he would summon
+me, as I had been cautioned before for furious riding. This remark was
+so absolutely untrue that I met the summons, and the Inspector in the
+Court made three distinct statements on oath: That I spurred my horse
+(when cross-examined by me, he gave a minute description of my spurs);
+that I charged up the hill 250 yards at the rate of sixteen miles an
+hour; and that I had been cautioned before for the same thing. Now, I
+have never been cautioned in my life; the distance I went up the hill is
+120 yards, and no horse could get up any pace in that distance; and I do
+not wear spurs, although two constables swore I did.
+
+The magistrate, face to face with these three facts, looked the picture
+of misery. It was evident to him, as it must be evident to every
+fair-minded man, that the police were in the wrong. And when the
+magistrate was thinking out this dilemma, I made a fatal mistake. I gave
+my reason for appearing as a sacrifice on my part to show the magistrate
+the sort of evidence upon which poor cabmen and others are fined and
+made to suffer. The magistrate, Mr. Plowden, waxed very wroth, and as he
+could not punish me, and would not reprimand the police, I was asked to
+pay the costs of the summons, which was withdrawn. The late Mr. Montagu
+Williams, who sat in the Marylebone Police Court, the court in which I
+was charged with furious riding, gave it as his private opinion that the
+longer a policeman was in the service the less he could rely upon his
+word.
+
+[Illustration: "FURIOUS RIDING." SKETCH BY F. C. GOULD.
+               _From the "Westminster Gazette._"]
+
+This case led to all sorts of trouble. I was assailed by people in the
+street, strangers to me, for "riding over children." Letters came from
+all sorts of societies--Cruelty to Animals, and other excellent
+institutions. I found people measuring the terrace; others riding up it
+to see if it were possible to get the pace (which it is not), but few
+knew the truth. The constable when I left the court remarked to me,
+"I'll tache ye to caricature Oirishmen in Parleymint!" However, I was
+repaid by the humour the incident gave rise to in the imagination of my
+brother workers on the Press. Mr. F. C. Gould made this capital sketch,
+and others portrayed my crime in verse. The following was written to me
+by one of London's most celebrated editors, and has never been published
+before:
+
+      "H. Furniss was an artist gent
+         Of credit and renown,
+       Who'd ride a horse up Primrose Hill
+         With any man in town.
+
+      "The morn was fine as morn could be
+         Upon last Thursday week,
+       And, like the early morn, H. F.
+         Was up before the beak.
+
+      "(Full little dreamed that worthy cit,
+         Some dozen mornings hence
+       He would be 'up before the beak'
+         In quite another sense.)
+
+      "Upon two tits of pranksome mood,
+         The gallant Lika Joko
+       And Likajokalina rode,
+         'Desipere in loco.'
+
+      "'Cantare pares' rode the pair,
+         Ad equitatum nati,'
+       But to a bobby's summons not
+         'Respondere parati.'
+
+      "So 'appy rode the blithesome pair,
+         They scoured the hill and plain,
+       And warming with their morning's work,
+         Rode hotly home again.
+
+      "But by the slope of Primrose Hill
+         The rude Inspector Ross
+       Beheld H. Furniss canter up
+         Upon his foaming hoss.
+
+      "'Look 'ere, young man,' says he to him,
+         'There are some children dear
+       That by the ridin' of you folk
+         Do go in bod'ly fear.
+
+      "'Your hasting steed pull up, I say!
+         S'welp me, draw your rein!
+       The innocents abroad, young man,
+         Are frightened by you twain.
+
+      "'Look at yer smokin' job 'oss 'ere--
+         I seen you job 'is flank!
+       'E's well nigh done--tyke 'im away,
+         And back upon the rank.'
+
+      "H. Furniss fixed him with his eye;
+         His brow was awful cross;
+       He Kyrled his lip contemptuous-like
+         At this rude man of Ross.
+
+      "'The spirit of my gallant cob,
+         Ruffian, you shall not squelch;
+       I ride nor Scotch nor Irish hot,
+         But Furniss-heated Welsh.
+
+      "'Mine and my daughter's gentle pace
+         Could not affright a foundling;
+       Be off, and peep down areas, or
+         Move on some harmless groundling!'
+
+      "The Inspector glared: 'Come, Mr. F.,
+         We can't stand this no longer;
+       I summons you to Marylebone'--
+         (He muttered something stronger).
+
+       *     *     *     *     *
+
+      "Good Mr. Plowden heard the charge,
+         As two policemen swore it;
+       Then heard H. Furniss' defence,
+         And sagely pondered o'er it.
+
+      "'The Inspector swears you galloped up;
+         You swear you merely trotted:
+       My own opinion in this case
+         Is, as usual, Gordian-knotted.
+
+      "'Now Gordian knots were tied to be
+         By magistrates divided;
+       We cut them--and the severed ends
+         Do much as once the tied did.
+
+      "'In this case, add the paces up,
+         And then divide by two:
+       A canter is the quotient;
+         I think that that should do.
+
+      "'A sound decision that will please
+         Both parties this I trust is;
+       It is a fine distinction, but
+         Avoids the fires of justice.
+
+      "'You, Mr. Furniss, must disburse
+         Two bob costs to my till,
+       And promise me to try no more
+         Primrose babes to kill.
+
+      "'And all in Court, take warning by
+         The furious Canterer's fate,
+       And go not up the Primrose path
+         At such an awful rate.
+
+      "'But if your sluggish livers you
+         Must vigorously shake,
+       "Vigor's Horse Exercise at Home"
+         (Vide Prospectus) take.'"
+
+
+As a matter of fact, the magistrate did not look at the charge-sheet,
+or know me, or catch my name, or he might have made
+his usual joke at my expense in another way.
+
+[Illustration: MY PORTRAIT, BY F. C. BURNAND.]
+
+Mr. Burnand and I rode a great deal together. Avoiding the Row, my
+editor preferred to ride to Hampstead, Harrow, or Mill Hill, calling for
+me on the way. Once, when I could not ride, he wrote: "Very sorry to
+hear of your being laid up with a cold; it shows what even the Wisest
+and Best amongst us are liable to. The idea is monstrous of a _Cold
+Furniss_. A _coal'd_ furniss is satisfactory. Don't take too much out of
+yourself with riding. 'He speaks to thee who hath not got a
+horse'--Shakespeare." Then follows later a specimen of his irrepressible
+good humour:
+
+                                                      _22 Nov._
+
+              "Alas and alack!
+              I've got a hack,
+          But the weather's been such,
+              I've not got on his back.
+
+              "I got no jog
+              Because of the fog,
+                And up to twelve,
+                  In breeches and boots,
+                Which I had to shelve
+                  And recover my foots.
+              I lunched at the 'G'
+              (So there was, you see,
+              One _Gee_ for me).
+
+              "Then I came back
+                And wrote some play
+              But oh, good lack!
+                No riding to-day.
+              If foggy here,
+              At Ramsgate 'twas clear.
+
+              "Alas and alack!
+              I'll sell my hack,
+                Much to my sorrow.
+                I'll ride to-morrow,
+              That is, if fine,
+              But not at nine.
+          I shall not start, if I'm alive
+          And have the heart, till ten forty-five.
+
+              "Away to parks I'll trot
+              To get a little hot,
+              Also to get a little dirty,
+              And with you be 11.30.
+
+              "Till one,
+              Then done.
+                Back to Lunch,
+                Then to Office of _Punch_.
+          This my plan, you'll be happy to learn, is
+          At your disposal, Mr. Furniss."
+
+But excursions in search of material my editor and I had to do on foot,
+and were not so pleasing; still, Mr. Burnand always managed to have his
+little joke in all circumstances.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+One day he and I were "doing" the picture shows in the interests of Mr.
+Punch. At one o'clock, feeling jaded and tired, a retreat to the Garrick
+Club to lunch was suggested. "Happy thought!" said my editor. "Better
+still, here is an invitation for two to the Exhibition of French Cookery
+at Willis's Rooms. Capital lunch there, I should think." So off we went,
+anticipating a _recherché_ lunch. Fancy our chagrin on arrival to find
+cooks galore, discussing their art, but, alas! their art, like the high
+art of the Masters of the Brush in our National Gallery, was all under
+glass! Aggravatingly appetising, but absolutely uninteresting to the two
+hungry art critics. We soon were in a cab and at the Garrick. As we
+pulled up, the greatest _gourmet_ of the Club, that clever actor, Arthur
+Cecil, greeted us:
+
+"Hallo, Frank, where have you two come from?"
+
+"Oh, Arthur, _such_ luck! Furniss and I have just had the most
+_recherché_ lunch you could imagine."
+
+"H'm--hullo--h'm--where? The deuce you have! Lucky dogs! Eh, what was it
+like?"
+
+"Oh, you can see it for yourself; it's going on now at the French
+Cookery Exhibition in Willis's Rooms. Special invitation--ah, here's a
+ticket."
+
+"Thanks, old chap! what a treat! I'm off there! No, no; you fellows
+mustn't pay the cab--I'll do that. Here, driver--Willis's Rooms--look
+sharp!"
+
+Arthur Cecil undoubtedly was a quaint fellow and a clever actor, but he
+had an insatiable appetite. One would never have thought so, judging
+from appearance: his clever, clean-cut face, his small, thin figure,
+together with the little hand-bag he always carried, rather suggested a
+lawyer or a clergyman. His eccentricity was a combination of
+absent-mindedness and irritability. The latter failing, he told me,
+would at times take complete control of him: for instance, he had to
+leave a train before his journey was completed, as he felt it impossible
+to sit in the carriage and look at the alarm bell without pulling it. I
+have watched him seated in the smoking-room of the club we both
+attended, in which the star-light in the centre of the ceiling was
+shaded by a rather primitive screen of stretched tissue paper, gazing at
+it for half-an-hour at a time, and eventually taking all the coins out
+of his pocket to throw them one after another at the immediate object of
+his irritation. He frequently succeeded in penetrating the screen, the
+coins remaining on the top of it, to the delight of the astonished
+waiters.
+
+His eccentricity--perhaps I ought to say in this case his
+absent-mindedness--is illustrated by an incident which happened on the
+morning of the funeral of a great friend of his. As Cecil (his real name
+was Blount) was having his bath, he was suddenly inspired with some idea
+for a song; so, pulling his sponge-bath into the adjoining sitting-room
+closer to the piano, he placed a chair in it, and sat down to try it
+over. A friend, rushing in to fetch him to the funeral, found him so
+seated, singing and playing, balancing the dripping sponge on the top of
+his head.
+
+
+                 THE CARICATURING OF PICTURES.
+
+[Illustration: THE PICTURE SHOWS.
+               _Design from "Punch."_]
+
+To feed upon one's own kind is a custom which, like so many other
+vestiges of a previous civilisation, seems in the present day to have a
+fair chance of revival. We have long had with us the City Cannibal, the
+Fleet Street Cannibal, the Dramatic, Literary and Musical Cannibals.
+Latterly the Society Cannibal has come more distinctly to the front.
+Then why, I long ago asked myself, should there not be the Cannibal of
+the etching pen and the brush? Especially as the writhing victims of
+those mighty instruments appear to be so enamoured of their fate as to
+besiege that comic slaughter-house, the studio of the caricaturist, and
+with persistent cries of "Eat us! eat us! Our turn next!" solicit the
+"favour of not being forgotten" in his next batch of "subjects."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+It may be a revelation to many of my readers, but I can assure them it
+is a fact, that it is only in very exceptional cases that artists object
+to having their pictures caricatured. Indeed, many of the leading
+painters have given me to understand that the omission of their work
+from my sketches would be anything but agreeable to them, although, when
+the desired travesties of their pictures appear, they may pretend to be
+highly indignant. There is one Royal Academician of my acquaintance who
+has so keen an appreciation of humour that he never loses an opportunity
+of giving me a hint when his magnifying glass has detected the slightest
+element of the grotesque in a fellow artist's work. And that most
+amiable of men, the late Frank Holl, could never refrain, when occasion
+offered, from directing my attention to the humorous points of his
+sitters, although I need hardly add that no trace of his having
+perceived them was ever apparent in any of his works. Do artists object?
+Well, in _Punch_, May, 1889, du Maurier touches this point:
+
+"What our artist (the awfully funny one) has to put up with: _Brown_: 'I
+say, look here! What the deuce do you mean by caricaturing my
+pictures--hay?' _Jones_: 'Yes, confound you! and _not caricaturing
+mine_!'"
+
+I have even known artists so anxious to be parodied that, if they
+happened to have a vein of humour in their pencils, they would actually
+send me caricatures of their own pictures. Even poor Fred Barnard once
+sent me an admirable sketch, caricaturing an excellent portrait of his
+three children which he had painted for the Royal Academy, where it duly
+appeared. Others less humorously imaginative perhaps have written to me
+assuring me of the great pleasure which would have been theirs had they
+themselves conceived the idea which my caricature of their work
+supplied.
+
+Although, however, there are so few artists who object to having their
+pictures caricatured, there is, of course, another side to the question.
+It is indeed most true that nothing kills like ridicule, and in the
+course of my experience I have found it is just as easy unconsciously to
+inflict an injury with my pen and Indian ink as it is to do good. Let us
+suppose, for instance, that a great painter has just finished a very
+sentimental work--a picture so brimful of beauty and pathos that it
+appeals to everybody, myself included. As I stand before it, and admire,
+it is impossible perhaps for me to restrain a sympathetic tear from
+making its appearance in, at all events, one of my eyes. But how about
+the other? Ah! with regard to that other eye, I must confess it is very
+differently employed, and, superior to my control, is searching the
+canvas high and low for that "something ridiculous" which, except in the
+case of the very greatest masters, is always there. Now what ensues? The
+purchaser of that picture, who, mark you, unlike myself, regarded it and
+admired it with _both_ of his eyes, congratulates himself upon its
+acquisition. I have known it for a fact, however--to my regret--that
+after the publication of the caricature the purchaser was never able to
+look at his picture again through his own glasses, and bitterly
+regretted his outlay.
+
+[Illustration: THE GREAT BACCARAT CASE. MY SKETCH IN PENCIL MADE IN
+COURT, AND CONGRATULATORY NOTE FROM THE EDITOR OF _PUNCH_.]
+
+An art publisher with whom I was acquainted agreed to pay a heavy sum
+for the copyright of a work of a well-known and popular painter, and
+after the caricature had appeared in _Punch_ he resolved to forego the
+publication of the engraving from it by which he had hoped to recoup his
+expenditure, because he considered that the sobriety of the work was so
+completely destroyed as to preclude the possibility of sale; and an
+eminent sculptor, who was responsible for a well-known statue which I
+caricatured some years ago when it appeared in the Royal Academy, has
+told me, since it was put up in the Metropolis, that he has actually
+meditated replacing it by another piece, owing to the ludicrous
+suggestion affixed to it.
+
+On the other hand, the caricature of an important work is sometimes
+received in the proper spirit. Here is a letter from Professor Herkomer,
+with reference to my caricature of the work of our greatest art genius,
+Alfred Gilbert, R.A.:
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Of course, the caricaturing of pictures has its seamy as well as its
+smooth side. Among the annoyances to which an artist engaged on this
+description of work is exposed I am inclined to give a prominent place
+to the fussy and vexatious regulations imposed upon him by the
+authorities at Burlington House. One would have supposed, for instance,
+that anyone like myself, who is well-known as merely taking notes for
+caricature, would have been allowed to consult his own convenience to
+some extent in making his sketches. But not a bit of it. The penalty is
+something too dreadful if you are found making the slightest note of a
+picture at the Royal Academy at any other time than on the one appointed
+day. The object of this regulation is, of course, to protect the
+copyright of the pictures--a very proper and legitimate precaution; but
+I submit that a better instance of the spirit of Red Tapeism which is so
+rampant at Burlington House, and which I am always endeavouring to
+expose, could not be adduced than the inability of the officials to
+discriminate between the accredited representative of a paper and the
+piratical sketcher who is taking notes for an illegitimate purpose. I
+need hardly say that this regulation is peculiar to the Royal Academy.
+At the Grosvenor Gallery, which, alas! is no more, the officials about
+the place understood these matters better, and at all times were pleased
+to give every facility to the representative of the Press. The polite
+secretary would give up his chair to me any day I liked to look in, and
+would often point out to me some comical feature in the surrounding
+canvases which his sly humour had detected.
+
+[Illustration: A PRISONER.]
+
+Equal praise must indeed be accorded to the management of the New
+Gallery and all the other Exhibitions with which I have been brought in
+contact in the course of my professional duties. Personally, as I have
+always made my notes at the Royal Academy on the authorised occasion, I
+have had nothing to fear from those who preside there. But my friend
+Linley Sambourne, who wished upon one occasion to caricature a picture
+of Burne-Jones' for a political cartoon in _Punch_ (of course altering
+the figures and indeed everything else, so as not in any way to trench
+upon the great artist's copyright) was dogged by a detective, arrested,
+and finally thrown into the darkest dungeon beneath the Burlington House
+moat! Protest was useless. What his terror must have been my pen fails
+to describe. Visions of the thumbscrew, the rack, and all the tortures
+conceivable rose in the fertile imagination of my colleague, and beads
+of perspiration made their appearance upon his massive brow. After weary
+hours, when lunch-time without the lunch had come and gone, and the
+pangs of hunger began to be added to his other miseries, when he was
+reflecting that his week's work for _Punch_ was yet unfinished, that the
+engravers would be in despair at not having it in time, and that at that
+moment his editor was probably telegraphing to him all over London and
+instituting a search for his person all over his club, suddenly the
+bolts of his prison-chamber were withdrawn and his gaoler, the
+blood-thirsty tyrant Red Tape, allowed the genial artist to return to
+the bosom of his wife and family--not, however, without leaving a
+hostage behind him. The sketch--the guilty sketch--the cause of all his
+troubles, was detained. In vain the harassed artist explained to his
+grim Cerberus that the work was wanted for the next week's issue of
+_Punch_, and although as a matter of fact it duly appeared at the
+appointed time, Mr. Sambourne had to trust to his memory instead of to
+the courtesy and common sense of Burlington House for the reproduction
+of his skit.
+
+I remember another incident which will serve to illustrate the trials
+and misfortunes of the caricaturist when pursuing his vocation outside
+the walls of his studio. It was the opening day of the New Gallery, and
+as I draw my sketches of the pictures with an ordinary pen and liquid
+Indian ink direct, and have them afterwards, like all my drawings,
+photographed on wood and engraved--of late years they are reproduced by
+process engraving--I was holding my bottle of ink and my sketch-book in
+one hand, while my pen was busy with the other. Upon arriving very early
+in the morning I thought I must have made a mistake, and that I had
+entered a manufactory of hats, for the hall was almost entirely taken up
+with hat-boxes. Upon enquiry, however, I learned that these merely
+contained the new hats in which the directors would, later on, receive
+their visitors. When the hall began to fill, and the fashionable crowd
+was pouring in, I was standing in the central lobby, sketching away with
+a will, when my friend Sir William Agnew, always early to arrive on such
+occasions, happened to come up and soon interested me in conversation
+about the genius of Millais and the beauties of Burne-Jones. In my
+energetic manner I was debating a matter of some little interest when my
+eye caught that of Mr. Comyns-Carr, who, with his newly-selected hat on,
+was standing close by and regarding me with an expression of
+indescribable horror. "What is the matter with Carr?" I observed to
+Agnew; "surely Sargent should be here and hand down that expression to
+posterity." But when I followed his eyes as they passed sternly from
+mine to the floor, my hat nearly sprang off my head at the sight which I
+beheld! Forgetting that I held the bottle of ink in the hand with which
+I had been suiting the action to the word in my animated harangue to Sir
+William, I had splashed the virgin marble on which we were standing in
+all directions with hideous stains of the blackest of liquids. In my
+consternation I did not stay to see the incongruous figure of the
+charwoman and bucket who was immediately introduced amid the _élite_ of
+fashionable London, but fled incontinently from the gallery and, rushing
+in where angels fear to tread, sought sanctuary in my accustomed haunt,
+the Gallery of the House of Commons. There at least I thought I should
+be safe. Presently, when I had somewhat recovered from my agitation, I
+was making my way out of the House when I encountered a friend in the
+Central Lobby. I was explaining to him the unfortunate _contretemps_
+which had occurred at the New Gallery, and utterly forgot that I still
+held the bottle of ink in my hand, and on the sacred floor we stood upon
+I had perpetrated the offence again!
+
+My only consolation for this chapter of accidents was that the
+particular ink in my bottle is different from the ordinary writing
+fluid, and leaves no stain behind it. It is in fact merely paint, and is
+innocent of gall. There are inks, as there are other forms of
+journalism, whose consequences are not so easily effaced or so harmless;
+but like the caricaturist's work itself, the material with which it is
+accomplished often looks blacker than it really is.
+
+[Illustration: ORIGINAL IDEA AS SENT TO ME.
+               MY DRAWING OF IT IN _PUNCH_.]
+
+Fortunately all this happened previous to the introduction of the ink I
+use now, known as _Waterproof_ ink--ink that will not _run_ when washed
+over with water. The manufacturers of this article sent me a specimen
+bottle to experiment with, and asked me for my opinion of it. In
+replying, I sent the following note. The sketch was touched in to amuse
+my youngest boy, who was puzzled by the meaning of Waterproof ink. The
+makers, in acknowledging the note, asked me to mention the sum I would
+accept if, with my permission, they used the note and sketch I sent as
+an advertisement. I replied that they were welcome to use my note, but
+that I could not accept payment. However I received in a few days a
+large parcel of artists' materials: paints, sketch-books, brushes,
+pencils, &c.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+This is more than I ever received for a better known advertisement: "I
+used your soap two years ago." I was never offered so much as a cake of
+soap from those who used my _Punch_ sketch so freely! Permission was
+given for its use by the proprietors of _Punch_, not knowing I had any
+objection, and at the time I was ill with fever and unable to protest.
+The firm certainly paid me some years afterwards for the publication of
+the same advertisement for two insertions in a periodical I was
+starting, but only at the ordinary rate. I mention this fact as I have
+heard from friends all over the world that I received untold gold for
+the use of it, and as it has interested so many perhaps I may at the
+same time clear up another fallacy, which I did not know existed until
+I read Mr. Spielmann's "History of _Punch_." In that he refers to the
+very "oft-quoted drawing (lately used as an advertisement), the idea of
+which reached him from an anonymous correspondent. It is that of a
+grimy, unshaven, unwashed, mangy-looking tramp, who sits down to write,
+with a broken quill, a testimonial for a firm of soap-makers. A further
+point of interest about this famous sketch was that Charles Keene was
+deeply offended by it at first, in the groundless belief that it was
+intended as a skit upon himself. It must at least be admitted that the
+head is not unlike what one might have expected to belong to a
+dissipated and dilapidated Charles Keene." Poor Keene! How sorry I was
+to read this when too late to explain to him that he was never in my
+mind for a moment when I was drawing it! But, strange to say, the
+original who sat for it was a brother artist, another Charles, quite as
+delightful as Keene, equally clever in his own way, and my greatest
+friend--Charles Burton Barber, the animal painter, in appearance rather
+like Charles Keene, but nothing of the Bohemian about him, and a
+non-smoker! Still I am always being told that I had So-and-so in my eye
+when drawing the figure. I might in truth quote Sir John Tenniel's
+remark _à propos_ of being accused of caricaturing his late comrade,
+Horace Mayhew, as the "White Knight" in "Alice in Wonderland": "The
+resemblance was purely accidental, a mere unintentional caricature,
+which his _friends_, of course, were only too delighted to make the most
+of." Ah, those _friends_ are at the bottom of all these
+misunderstandings. I could a tale, or two, unfold, but that--that's
+another volume.
+
+[Illustration: I SIT FOR JOHN BROWN.]
+
+Yes, poor Barber sat for the tramp, and I in return sat to him for a
+figure quite as incongruous in my case as the tramp was in his. I sat
+for John Brown for the picture Queen Victoria had commissioned of Mr.
+Brown surrounded by her pet dogs, which she had in her private room. She
+was so delighted with the picture that she had a replica made of it, and
+placed it in the passage outside, so that it was the first picture she
+looked at as she left her room. Barber's animals and children were
+delightful, but he was weak with his men, and was in trouble over John
+Brown's calves,--it was then that I posed for the "brawny Scott," but
+only for the portion here mentioned.
+
+[Illustration: A CRIB BY AN AMERICAN ADVERTISER.]
+
+This figure of the tramp in my sketch of "I used your soap two years
+ago" has in fact been mistaken for myself. A relative of my own, who has
+been living in the Cape for many years, paid a visit to London, and on
+his return informed his children that he had seen me and brought my
+portrait back with him. "Oh, we have Cousin Harry's portrait in our
+nursery for some time: one he has signed too." It was the Punch-Pears
+production in colour! I am sure I do not know how ridiculous stories are
+received as true, that I got a fabulous sum for the use of this one;
+that such-and-such a member of the staff gets a huge retaining fee, &c.,
+and other inventions--one in particular. If I have met one, I have met a
+score of people at different times of my life who positively declared
+that they actually sent that ever famous line: "Punch's advice to those
+about to marry--Don't!" and received immediately remuneration in sums
+varying from £5 to £500. That joke was probably conceived and thrown in
+at the last moment, at the critical point when the editor is "making up"
+the paper.
+
+As I am writing these disjointed notes for family reading, it may
+perhaps not be out of place just to refer to the domestic relations of
+the staff of _Punch_. Our wives and families were invited to meet on the
+occasion of the Lord Mayor's procession, when they may have been
+observed upon the roof of the publishing office--till recently it was in
+Fleet Street--from which coign of vantage they had an excellent view of
+the civic show, afterwards having a capital lunch in a room on the first
+floor. Yet how much men who live on their wits owe to their domestic
+happiness! It is a pleasant fact to be able to chronicle that--I believe
+at all times--the domestic lives of the _Punch_ staff have been most
+happy. It is rather curious that all of them have made the same kind of
+matrimonial selection--they have married "sensible wives," women who
+have all been sympathetic, devoted, bright, and domesticated. The wit at
+the dinner-table, the humorous writer or the caricaturist in the pages
+you read, is a very different dog at home. It must naturally be so. It
+is the reaction, and it is to such men that the woman possessed of tact
+and cheerfulness is invaluable. In truth, Punch's advice to those about
+to marry, "Don't!" has been disregarded by the majority of his members,
+in every case with the utmost satisfaction to themselves.
+
+[Illustration: BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO. LD., PRINTERS, LONDON AND
+TONBRIDGE.]
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of a Caricaturist,
+Vol. 1 (of 2), by Harry Furniss
+
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+      The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Confessions of a Caricaturist, Vol 1, by Harry Furniss.
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+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of a Caricaturist, Vol. 1
+(of 2), by Harry Furniss
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Confessions of a Caricaturist, Vol. 1 (of 2)
+
+Author: Harry Furniss
+
+Release Date: July 16, 2009 [EBook #29425]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CONFESSIONS OF A CARICATURIST ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Marius Borror and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+<table style="background-color: #ccccff" cellpadding="10" border="0">
+  <tr>
+    <td style="vertical-align: top; width: 25%">Transcriber's note: </td>
+    <td>A few typographical errors have been corrected. They appear in the
+      text <span class="correction" title="explanation will pop up">like
+      this</span>, and the explanation will appear when the mouse pointer is
+      moved over the marked passage. Original page numbers are displayed in the margin as: Pg xxx.
+  </td></tr></table>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 457px;">
+<a name="frontis" id="frontis"></a>
+<img src="images/img000a.jpg" width="457" height="646" alt="" title="" />
+<span class="caption">MY CARICATURE OF MR. GLADSTONE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="THE_CONFESSIONS_OF_A_CARICATURIST" id="THE_CONFESSIONS_OF_A_CARICATURIST"></a>THE CONFESSIONS OF A CARICATURIST</h2>
+
+<h3>BY</h3>
+
+<h2>HARRY FURNISS</h2>
+
+<h3><i>ILLUSTRATED</i></h3>
+
+
+<h2>VOLUME I</h2>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 117px;">
+<img src="images/img000b.jpg" width="117" height="150" alt="" title="publisher logo" />
+</div>
+
+
+<p class="center">NEW YORK AND LONDON:<br />
+HARPER &amp; BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS.<br />
+1902.<br /><br />
+BRADBURY, AGNEW, &amp; CO. LD., PRINTERS,<br />
+LONDON AND TONBRIDGE.<br /><br />
+[<i>All rights reserved.</i>]<br />
+December, 1901.<br /><br /><br /></p>
+
+<h3>PREFACE.</h3>
+<hr style="width: 15%;" />
+
+<p>If, in these volumes, I have made some joke at a friend's
+expense, let that friend take it in the spirit intended, and&mdash;I
+apologise beforehand.</p>
+
+<p>In America apology in journalism is unknown. The exception
+is the well-known story of the man whose death was published
+in the obituary column. He rushed into the office of
+the paper and cried out to the editor:</p>
+
+<p>"Look here, sur, what do you mean by this? You have
+published two columns and a half of my obituary, and here I
+am as large as life!"</p>
+
+<p>The editor looked up and coolly said, "Sur, I am vury sorry,
+I reckon there is a mistake some place, but it kean't be helped.
+You are killed by the <i>Jersey Eagle</i>, you are to the world
+buried. We nevur correct anything, and we nevur apologise in
+Amurrican papers."</p>
+
+<p>"That won't do for me, sur. My wife's in tears; my friends
+are laughing at me; my business will be ruined,&mdash;you <i>must</i>
+apologise."</p>
+
+<p>"No, si&mdash;ree, an Amurrican editor nevur apologises."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, sur, I'll take the law on you right away. I'm off to
+my attorney."</p>
+
+<p>"Wait one minute, sur&mdash;just one minute. You are a
+re-nowned and popular citizen: the <i>Jersey Eagle</i> has killed you&mdash;for
+that I am vury, vury sorry, and to show you my respect
+I will to-morrow find room for you&mdash;in the births column."</p>
+
+<p>Now do not let any editor imagine these pages are my
+professional obituary,&mdash;my autobiography. If by mistake he
+does, then let him place me immediately in their births
+column. I am in my forties, and there is quite time for me to
+prepare and publish two more volumes of my "Confessions"
+from my first to my second birth, and many other things, before
+I am fifty.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<img src="images/img000c.jpg" width="600" height="131" alt="Signiture." title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="smcap"> London</span>, 1901.<br /><br /><br /></p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1"><p>[The Author begs to acknowledge his indebtedness to the Proprietors and the Editor
+of <i>Punch</i>, the Proprietors of the <i>Magazine of Art</i>, the <i>Graphic</i>, the <i>Illustrated London
+News</i>, <i>English Illustrated Magazine</i>, <i>Cornhill Magazine</i>, <i>Harper's Magazine</i>, <i>Westminster
+Gazette</i>, <i>St. James' Gazette</i>, the <i>British Weekly</i> and the <i>Sporting Times</i> for their kindness
+in allowing him to reproduce extracts and pictures in these volumes.]</p></div>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS.</h2>
+
+<div class="centered">
+<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" width="85%"
+summary="Table of Contents">
+  <tr>
+  <td style="width: 85%;">&nbsp;</td>
+  <td class="tdr" style="width: 15%;"><span class="smcap">Page</span></td>
+  </tr>
+
+  <tr>
+  <th align="center">CHAPTER I.<br /><br />CONFESSIONS OF MY CHILDHOOD&mdash;AND AFTER.</th>
+  <td class="tdr">&nbsp;</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+  <td class="hanging">Introductory&mdash;Birth and Parentage&mdash;The Cause of my remaining a Caricaturist&mdash;The
+Schoolboys' <i>Punch</i>&mdash;Infant Prodigies&mdash;As a Student&mdash;I Start in Life&mdash;<i>Zozimus</i>&mdash;The
+Sullivan Brothers&mdash;Pigott&mdash;The Forger&mdash;The Irish "Pathriot"&mdash;Wood
+Engraving&mdash;Tom Taylor&mdash;The Wild West&mdash;Judy&mdash;Behind the Scenes&mdash;Titiens&mdash;My
+First and Last Appearance in a Play&mdash;My Journey to London&mdash;My
+Companion&mdash;A Coincidence</td>
+<td class="tdr"><i>pp.</i> <a href='#Page_1'><b>1</b></a>&mdash;<a href='#Page_29'><b>29</b></a></td>
+</tr>
+
+  <tr>
+  <th align="center"><br />CHAPTER II.<br /><br />BOHEMIAN CONFESSIONS.</th>
+  <td class="tdr">&nbsp;</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+  <td class="hanging">I arrive in London&mdash;A Rogue and Vagabond&mdash;Two Ladies&mdash;Letters of Introduction&mdash;Bohemia&mdash;A
+Distinguished Member&mdash;My Double&mdash;A Rara Avis&mdash;The Duke
+of Broadacres&mdash;The Savages&mdash;A Souvenir&mdash;Portraits of the Past&mdash;J. L. Toole&mdash;Art
+and Artists&mdash;Sir Spencer Wells&mdash;John Pettie&mdash;Milton's Garden</td>
+<td class="tdr"><i>pp.</i> <a href='#Page_30'><b>30</b></a>&mdash;<a href='#Page_53'><b>53</b></a></td>
+</tr>
+
+  <tr>
+  <th align="center"><br />CHAPTER III.<br /><br />MY CONFESSIONS AS A SPECIAL ARTIST.</th>
+  <td class="tdr">&nbsp;</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+  <td class="hanging">The Light Brigade&mdash;Miss Thompson (Lady Butler)&mdash;Slumming&mdash;The Boat Race&mdash;Realism&mdash;A
+Phantasmagoria&mdash;Orlando and the Caitiff&mdash;Fancy Dress Balls&mdash;Lewis
+Wingfield&mdash;Cinderella&mdash;A Model&mdash;All Night Sitting&mdash;An Impromptu
+Easel&mdash;"Where there's a Will there's a Way"&mdash;The American Sunday Papers&mdash;I
+am Deaf&mdash;The Grill&mdash;The World's Fair&mdash;Exaggeration&mdash;Personally Conducted&mdash;The
+Charnel House&mdash;10, Downing Street&mdash;I attend a Cabinet Council&mdash;An
+Illustration by Mr. Labouchere&mdash;The Great Lincolnshire Trial&mdash;Praying
+without Prejudice</td>
+<td class="tdr"><i>pp.</i> <a href='#Page_54'><b>54</b></a>&mdash;<a href='#Page_87'><b>87</b></a></td>
+</tr>
+
+  <tr>
+  <th align="center"><br />CHAPTER IV.<br /><br />THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ILLUSTRATOR&mdash;A SERIOUS CHAPTER.</th>
+  <td class="tdr">&nbsp;</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+  <td class="hanging">Drawing&mdash;"Hieroglyphics"&mdash;Clerical Portraiture&mdash;A Commission from General
+Booth&mdash;In Search of Truth&mdash;Sir Walter Besant&mdash;James Payn&mdash;Why Theodore
+Hook was Melancholy&mdash;"Off with his Head"&mdash;Reformers' Tree&mdash;Happy
+Thoughts&mdash;Christmas Story&mdash;Lewis Carroll&mdash;The Rev. Charles Lutwidge
+Dodgson&mdash;Sir John Tenniel&mdash;The Challenge&mdash;Seven Years' Labour&mdash;A Puzzle
+MS.&mdash;Dodgson on Dress&mdash;Carroll on Drawing&mdash;Sylvie and Bruno&mdash;A Composite
+Picture&mdash;My Real Models&mdash;I am very Eccentric&mdash;My "Romps"&mdash;A
+Letter from du Maurier&mdash;Caldecott&mdash;Tableaux&mdash;Fine Feathers&mdash;Models&mdash;Fred
+Barnard&mdash;The Haystack&mdash;A Wicket Keeper&mdash;A Fair Sitter&mdash;Neighbours&mdash;The
+Post Office Jumble&mdash;Puzzling the Postmen&mdash;Writing Backwards&mdash;A
+Coincidence</td>
+<td class="tdr"><i>pp.</i> <a href='#Page_88'><b>88</b></a>&mdash;<a href='#Page_130'><b>130</b></a></td>
+</tr>
+
+  <tr>
+  <th align="center"><br />CHAPTER V.<br /><br />A CHAT BETWEEN MY PEN AND PENCIL.</th>
+  <td class="tdr">&nbsp;</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+  <td class="hanging">What is Caricature?&mdash;Interviewing&mdash;Catching Caricatures&mdash;Pellegrini&mdash;The "Ha!
+Ha!"&mdash;Black and White <i>v.</i> Paint&mdash;How to make a Caricature&mdash;M.P.'s&mdash;My
+System&mdash;Mr. Labouchere's Attitude&mdash;Do the Subjects Object?&mdash;Colour in
+Caricature&mdash;Caught!&mdash;A Pocket Caricature&mdash;The Danger of the Shirt-cuff&mdash;The
+Danger of a Marble Table&mdash;Quick Change&mdash;Advice to those about to
+Caricature</td>
+<td class="tdr"><i>pp.</i> <a href='#Page_131'><b>131</b></a>&mdash;<a href='#Page_153'><b>153</b></a></td>
+</tr>
+
+  <tr>
+  <th align="center"><br />CHAPTER VI.<br /><br />PARLIAMENTARY CONFESSIONS.</th>
+  <td class="tdr">&nbsp;</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+  <td class="hanging">Gladstone and Disraeli&mdash;A Contrast&mdash;An unauthenticated Incident&mdash;Lord Beaconsfield's
+last Visit to the House of Commons&mdash;My Serious Sketch&mdash;Historical&mdash;Mr.
+Gladstone&mdash;His Portraits&mdash;What he thought of the Artists&mdash;Sir J. E. Millais&mdash;Frank
+Holl&mdash;The Despatch Boxes&mdash;Impressions&mdash;Disraeli&mdash;Dan O'Connell&mdash;Procedure&mdash;American
+Wit&mdash;Toys&mdash;Wine&mdash;Pressure&mdash;Sandwich Soir&eacute;e&mdash;The
+G.O.M. dines with "Toby, M.P."&mdash;Walking&mdash;Quivering&mdash;My Desk&mdash;An Interview&mdash;Political
+Caricaturists&mdash;Signature in Sycamore&mdash;Scenes in the Commons&mdash;Joseph
+Gillis Biggar&mdash;My Double&mdash;Scenes&mdash;Divisions&mdash;Puck&mdash;Sir R. Temple&mdash;Charles
+Stewart Parnell&mdash;A Study&mdash;Quick Changes&mdash;His Fall&mdash;Room 15&mdash;The
+last Time I saw him&mdash;Lord Randolph Churchill&mdash;His Youth&mdash;His Height&mdash;His
+Fickleness&mdash;His Hair&mdash;His Health&mdash;His Fall&mdash;Lord Iddesleigh&mdash;Sir
+Stafford and Mr. Gladstone&mdash;Bradlaugh&mdash;His Youth&mdash;His Parents&mdash;His
+Tactics&mdash;His Fight&mdash;His Extinction&mdash;John Bright&mdash;Jacob Bright&mdash;Sir Isaac
+Holden&mdash;Lord Derby&mdash;A Political Prophecy&mdash;A Lucky Guess&mdash;My Confession
+in the <i>Times</i>&mdash;The Joke that Failed&mdash;The Seer&mdash;Fair Play&mdash;I deny being a
+Conservative&mdash;I am Encouraged&mdash;Chaff&mdash;Reprimanded&mdash;Misprinted&mdash;Misunderstood</td>
+<td class="tdr"><i>pp.</i> <a href='#Page_154'><b>154</b></a>&mdash;<a href='#Page_214'><b>214</b></a></td>
+</tr>
+
+  <tr>
+  <th align="center"><br />CHAPTER VII.<br /><br />"PUNCH."</th>
+  <td class="tdr">&nbsp;</td>
+  </tr>
+  <tr>
+  <td class="hanging">Two <i>Punch</i> Editors&mdash;<i>Punch's</i> Hump&mdash;My First <i>Punch</i> Dinner&mdash;Charles Keene&mdash;"Robert"&mdash;W. H.
+Bradbury&mdash;du Maurier&mdash;"Kiki"&mdash;A Trip to the Place of
+his Birth&mdash;He Hates Me&mdash;A Practical Joke&mdash;du Maurier's Strange Model&mdash;No
+Sportsman&mdash;Tea&mdash;Appollinaris&mdash;My First Contribution&mdash;My Record&mdash;Parliament&mdash;Press
+Gallery Official&mdash;I Feel Small&mdash;The "Black Beetle"&mdash;Professor
+Rogers&mdash;Sergeant-at-Arms' Room&mdash;Styles of Work&mdash;Privileges&mdash;Dr.
+Percy&mdash;I Sit in the Table&mdash;The Villain of Art&mdash;The New Cabinet&mdash;Criticism&mdash;<i>Punch's</i>
+Historical Cartoons&mdash;Darwen MacNeill&mdash;Scenes in the Lobby&mdash;A
+Technical Assault&mdash;John Burns's "Invention"&mdash;John Burns's Promise&mdash;John
+Burns's Insult&mdash;The Lay of Swift MacNeill&mdash;The Truth&mdash;Sir Frank Lockwood&mdash;"Grand
+Cross"&mdash;Lockwood's Little Sketch&mdash;Lockwood's Little Joke in the
+House&mdash;Lockwood's Little Joke at Dinner&mdash;Lewis Carroll and <i>Punch</i>&mdash;Gladstone's
+Head&mdash;Sir William's Portrait&mdash;Ciphers&mdash;Reversion&mdash;<i>Punch</i> at Play&mdash;Three
+<i>Punch</i> Men in a Boat&mdash;Squaring up&mdash;Two Pins Club&mdash;Its One Joke&mdash;Its
+One Horse&mdash;Its Mystery&mdash;Artistic Duties&mdash;Lord Russell&mdash;Furious Riding&mdash;Before
+the Beak&mdash;Burnand and I in the Saddle&mdash;Caricaturing Pictures for
+<i>Punch</i>&mdash;Art under Glass&mdash;Arthur Cecil&mdash;My Other Eye&mdash;The Ridicule that
+Kills&mdash;Red Tape&mdash;<i>Punch</i> in Prison&mdash;I make a Mess of it&mdash;Waterproof&mdash;"I
+used your Soap two years ago"&mdash;Charles Keene&mdash;Charles Barber&mdash;<i>Punch's</i>
+Advice&mdash;<i>Punch's</i> Wives</td>
+<td class="tdr"><i>pp.</i> <a href='#Page_215'><b>215</b></a>&mdash;<a href='#Page_302'><b>302</b></a></td>
+</tr>
+
+</table></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/img000d.jpg" width="500" height="333" alt="HARRY FURNISS'S (EGYPTIAN STYLE)." title="HARRY FURNISS'S (EGYPTIAN STYLE)." />
+<span class="caption">HARRY FURNISS'S (EGYPTIAN STYLE).  <i>From "Punch."</i></span>
+</div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="LIST_OF_ILLUSTRATIONS" id="LIST_OF_ILLUSTRATIONS"></a>LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.</h2>
+
+
+<div class='centered'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="2" width="90%" cellspacing="0" summary="LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS">
+<tr><td align='left'>&nbsp;</td><td align='right'>PAGE</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>My Caricature of Mr. Gladstone</td><td align='right'><a href='#frontis'><i>Frontispiece.</i></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Initial "In." Writing my Confessions. A Visitor's Snapshot</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_1'><b>1</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>My Mother</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_3'><b>3</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>My Father</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_5'><b>5</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Harry Furniss, aged 10</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_6'><b>6</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A Caricature, made when a Boy (never published). Dublin Exhibition.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 1em;">Portrait of Sir A. Guinness (now Lord Iveagh) in centre</span></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_11'><b>11</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>An Early Illustration on Wood by Harry Furniss. Partly Engraved by him.</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_16'><b>16</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Sketches in Galway</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_19'><b>19</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Judy," the Galway Dwarf</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_23'><b>23</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Phelps, the first Actor I saw</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_24'><b>24</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mrs. Hardcastle. Mr. Harry Furniss. From an Early Sketch</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_25'><b>25</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Caricature of Myself, drawn when I first arrived in London</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_30'><b>30</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Age 20</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_35'><b>35</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A successful "Make-Up"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_36'><b>36</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Two Travellers</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_38'><b>38</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Duke of "Broadacres"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_40'><b>40</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Savage Club House Dinner. From a Sketch by Herbert Johnson</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_41'><b>41</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Earl of Dunraven as a Savage</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_42'><b>42</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Another Gap in Our Ranks"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_43'><b>43</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Jope"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_43'><b>43</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>H. J. Byron</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_44'><b>44</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A Presentation</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_45'><b>45</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Savage Club. My Design for the Menu, 25th Anniversary Dinner</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_47'><b>47</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Savages"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_50'><b>50</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Letter from Sir Spencer Wells</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_51'><b>51</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Distress in the Black Country</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_54'><b>54</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>At the Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_55'><b>55</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>As Special at the Balaclava Celebration</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_57'><b>57</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Distress in the North</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_59'><b>59</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Realism!</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_61'><b>61</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"The Caitiff" and Orlando</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_62'><b>62</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>An Invitation</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_63'><b>63</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>At a Fancy Dress Ball</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_65'><b>65</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Lewis Wingfield as a Street Nigger Home from the Derby</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_67'><b>67</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"The Liberal Candidate"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_68'><b>68</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Sketches at the Liverpool Election: A Ward Meeting</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_69'><b>69</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>My Easel. Drawing Mr. Gladstone at a Public Meeting</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_71'><b>71</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The American Sunday Papers</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_72'><b>72</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Major Handy</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_74'><b>74</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The World's Fair, Chicago. A "Special's" Visit</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_75'><b>75</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"On dashed the Horses in their wild Career"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_77'><b>77</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Initial "A"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_79'><b>79</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Charnel-House. Chicago World's Fair</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_80'><b>80</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Initial "London"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_83'><b>83</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Bishop of Lincoln's Trial</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_85'><b>85</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Initial "If"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_88'><b>88</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Majuba Hill</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_89'><b>89</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Canon Liddon. A Sketch from Life</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_92'><b>92</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Letter from Sir Walter Besant</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_94'><b>94</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Late Sir Walter Besant</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_95'><b>95</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The "Jetty"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_95'><b>95</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Illustration for "The Talk of the Town"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_96'><b>96</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"That's just what I have done!"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_98'><b>98</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Specimen of James Payn's Writing</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_99'><b>99</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Typical Lovers in Illustrated Novels</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_100'><b>100</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Initial "T"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_101'><b>101</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Instructions in a Letter from Lewis Carroll</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_103'><b>103</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Specimen of Lewis Carroll's Drawing and Writing</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_106'><b>106</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Original Sketch by Lewis Carroll of his Charming Hero and Heroine</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_107'><b>107</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Lewis Carroll's Note to me or a Pathetic Picture</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_108'><b>108</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Sylvie and Bruno. My Original Drawing for Lewis Carroll</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_110'><b>110</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>I Go Mad!</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_111'><b>111</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>From Lewis Carroll</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_112'><b>112</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"I do want a Wicket-keeper!"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_113'><b>113</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Portion of Letter from Lawrence, age 9</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_114'><b>114</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Reduction from a Design for my "Romps"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_115'><b>115</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Portion of a Letter from George du Maurier</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_117'><b>117</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A Transformation</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_119'><b>119</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Yours always, Barnard"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_119'><b>119</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Barnard and the Models</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_120'><b>120</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"I sit for 'Ands, Sir"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_121'><b>121</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Grand Old Hand and the Young 'Un</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_122'><b>122</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>My Fighting Double</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_124'><b>124</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Specimen of Mr. Linley Sambourne's Envelopes to me</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_125'><b>125</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Cheque for 5&frac12;d. passed through two Banks and paid. I signed it</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>backwards</i>, and it was cancelled by Clerk <i>backwards</i></span></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_127'><b>127</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Sir Henry Irving writes his Name backwards</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_128'><b>128</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Sir Henry Irving's Attempt</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_128'><b>128</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. J. L. Toole's first Attempt</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_128'><b>128</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. J. L. Toole's second Attempt</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_128'><b>128</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Autograph: Harry Furniss</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_129'><b>129</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Initial "If"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_131'><b>131</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Studio of a Caricaturist</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_132'><b>132</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Caricature of me by my Daughter, age 15</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_134'><b>134</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A serious Portrait&mdash;from Life</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_135'><b>135</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Initial "H"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_136'><b>136</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Penguin"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_139'><b>139</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. Brown, Ordinary Attire. Court Dress</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_139'><b>139</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Two Portraits</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_140'><b>140</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A Caricature</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_140'><b>140</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><i>Not</i> a Caricature</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_140'><b>140</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Editor of <i>Punch</i> sits for his Portrait</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_144'><b>144</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A Model unawares and the Result</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_145'><b>145</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Sketch on a Shirt-Cuff</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_146'><b>146</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Mundella"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_147'><b>147</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. Labouchere</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_149'><b>149</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The M.P. Real and Ideal</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_150'><b>150</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Photo. As he really is</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_151'><b>151</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Dizzy" (Beaconsfield) and Gladstone</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_154'><b>154</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Inner Lobby of the House of Commons</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_156'><b>156</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Explanation to Illustration on page 156</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_157'><b>157</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Lord Beaconsfield. A Sketch from Life</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_158'><b>158</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The last Visit of Lord Beaconsfield to the House</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_161'><b>161</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. Gladstone. A Sketch from Life</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_163'><b>163</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. Gladstone "under his Flow of Eloquence"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_165'><b>165</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. Gladstone. Conventional Portrait</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_167'><b>167</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Caricature of the Holl Portrait</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_169'><b>169</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Note of Mr. Gladstone made in the Press Gallery with the wrong</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 1em;">end of a Quill Pen</span></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_171'><b>171</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Invitation to a "Sandwich Soirée"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_173'><b>173</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. Gladstone sits on the Floor</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_174'><b>174</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Fragment of <i>Punch</i> Mr. Gladstone did not see</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_175'><b>175</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Gladstone Matchbox</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_176'><b>176</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. Gladstone's Collars</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_178'><b>178</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Parnell</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_179'><b>179</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>To Room 15</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_182'><b>182</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Outside Room 15</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_183'><b>183</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Outside my Room</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_185'><b>185</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"The G.O.M." and "Randy"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_185'><b>185</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. Louis Jennings</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_186'><b>186</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Lord Randolph and Louis Jennings</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_188'><b>188</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Lord Randolph Churchill</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_189'><b>189</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Behind the Speaker's Chair</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_190'><b>190</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Initial "S"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_191'><b>191</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Initial "H"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_193'><b>193</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Bradlaugh Triumphant. <i>From "Punch"</i></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_194'><b>194</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Charles Bradlaugh</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_195'><b>195</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Meet at St. Stephen's</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_197'><b>197</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Sir George Campbell</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_199'><b>199</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Heraldic Design illustrating Mr. Plunkett's (now Lord Rathmore) Joke</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_201'><b>201</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. Farmer Atkinson</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_202'><b>202</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>I must Introduce you to Lucy. Here he is</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_203'><b>203</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Joseph Gillis Biggar</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_204'><b>204</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Initial "I"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_206'><b>206</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The House of Commons from Toby's Private Box</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_208'><b>208</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Government Bench&mdash;before Home Rule</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_211'><b>211</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Reduction of one of my Parliamentary Pages in <i>Punch</i></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_214'><b>214</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Initial "T"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_215'><b>215</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Age 26, when I first worked for <i>Punch</i></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_216'><b>216</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>My first Meeting with the Editor of <i>Punch</i></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_217'><b>217</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>My first Invitation from <i>Punch</i></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_218'><b>218</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A Letter from Charles Keene, objecting to an Editor interviewing him</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_219'><b>219</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Robert"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_220'><b>220</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>George du Maurier</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_221'><b>221</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Suggestion by du Maurier for <i>Punch</i> Cartoon</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_224'><b>224</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Du Maurier's Souvenir de Fontainebleau. <i>From "Punch</i>"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_225'><b>225</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><i>Punch</i> Staff returning from Paris</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_227'><b>227</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Japanese Style</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_229'><b>229</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Birch&mdash;His Mark"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_231'><b>231</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Chinese Style. From a Drawing on Wood</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_232'><b>232</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Familiar Faces</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_234'><b>234</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>An Official in the Press Gallery</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_235'><b>235</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"He spies me"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_236'><b>236</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"What are you?"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_236'><b>236</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Blowed if the Country wants you"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_238'><b>238</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"I feel smaller!"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_241'><b>241</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Black Beetle</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_242'><b>242</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Sergeant-at-Arms' Room</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_243'><b>243</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Capt. Gosset, late Sergeant-at-Arms</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_244'><b>244</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>My "Childish" Style in <i>Punch</i></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_245'><b>245</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A simple Document</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_246'><b>246</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>I Sketch the House</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_247'><b>247</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Dr. Percy. "The House Up"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_250'><b>250</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="correction" title="originally without period">Mr.</span> Punch's Puzzle-Headed People. Mr. Goschen</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_251'><b>251</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. Punch's Puzzle-Headed People. "All Harcourts"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_252'><b>252</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The New Cabinet</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_255'><b>255</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Reduction of Page in <i>Punch</i>, showing that my Caricatures were&mdash;in this</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 1em;">case&mdash;published too large</span></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_258'><b>258</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Reduction from the Original Drawing, showing that I gave Instructions for the Caricature to be</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 1em;">"reduced as usual"</span></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_259'><b>259</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>What really happened</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_261'><b>261</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="correction" title="corrected from page 622">Dr. Tanner</span></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_262'><b>262</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Assault on me in the House. What the Press described</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_263'><b>263</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>John Burns</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_265'><b>265</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Note from Sir Frank Lockwood, after reading the Bogus Account of the "Assault"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_266'><b>266</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Letter supposed to come from Lord Cross. (Lockwood's Joke)</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_267'><b>267</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Sir F. Lockwood</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_269'><b>269</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Lewis Carroll's Suggestion, and my sketch of it in <i>Punch</i></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_270'><b>270</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Nature's Puzzle Portrait</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_271'><b>271</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Initial "W"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_272'><b>272</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Three Oarsmen under a Tree"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_273'><b>273</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Lord Russell's Acceptance to dine with me</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_275'><b>275</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"It's your Turn next"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_277'><b>277</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Letter from Sir Frank Lockwood</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_277'><b>277</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. Linley Sambourne</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_278'><b>278</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Portrait of me as a Member of the Two Pins Club, by Linley Sambourne</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_279'><b>279</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The late Lord Russell, the President of the Two Pins Club</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_280'><b>280</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Furious Riding." Sketch by F. C. Gould</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_282'><b>282</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>My Portrait, by F. C. Burnand</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_285'><b>285</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. Punch "doing" the Picture Shows</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_286'><b>286</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Picture Shows. Design from <i>Punch</i></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_288'><b>288</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"The World-Renowned and Talented Barnardo Family"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_289'><b>289</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>The Great Baccarat Case. My Sketch in Pencil made in Court, and</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: 1em;">Congratulatory Note from the Editor of <i>Punch</i></span></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_291'><b>291</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Letter from Professor Herkomer</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_293'><b>293</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A Prisoner</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_294'><b>294</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"Good Advertisement." Original Idea as sent to me</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_297'><b>297</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Ditto. My Drawing of it in <i>Punch</i></td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_297'><b>297</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"English Waterproof Ink"</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_299'><b>299</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>I sit for John Brown</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_300'><b>300</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A Crib by an American Advertiser</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_301'><b>301</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>Finis</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_302'><b>302</b></a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><br /><br /></p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="CONFESSIONS_OF_A_CARICATURIST" id="CONFESSIONS_OF_A_CARICATURIST"></a>CONFESSIONS OF A CARICATURIST.<br /><br /></h2>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2>
+
+<h3>CONFESSIONS OF MY CHILDHOOD&mdash;AND AFTER.</h3>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 400px; margin-top: 3em; ">
+<img src="images/img001.jpg" width="400" height="440" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in">Introductory&mdash;Birth and Parentage&mdash;The Cause of my remaining a
+Caricaturist&mdash;The Schoolboys' <i>Punch</i>&mdash;Infant
+Prodigies&mdash;As a Student&mdash;I
+Start in Life&mdash;<i>Zozimus</i>&mdash;The
+Sullivan  Brothers&mdash;Pigott&mdash;The
+Forger&mdash;The Irish "Pathriot"&mdash;Wood
+Engraving&mdash;Tom Taylor&mdash;The Wild
+West&mdash;Judy&mdash;Behind the Scenes&mdash;Titiens&mdash;My
+First and Last Appearance
+in a Play&mdash;My Journey
+to London&mdash;My Companion&mdash;A
+Coincidence.<br /><br /></p></div>
+
+<p>In offering the following pages to the public, I should like it to be
+known that no interviewer has extracted them from me by the thumbscrew
+of a morning call, nor have they been wheedled out of me by the caresses
+of those iron-maidens of literature, the publishers. For the most part
+they have been penned in odd half-hours as I sat in my easy-chair in the
+solitude of my studio, surrounded by the aroma of the post-prandial
+cigarette.</p>
+
+<p>I would also at the outset warn those who may purchase this work in the
+expectation of finding therein the revelations of a caricaturist's
+Chamber of Horrors, that they will be disappointed. Some day I may be
+tempted to bring forth my skeletons from the seclusion of their
+cupboards and strip my mummies, taking <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span> certain familiar figures
+and faces to pieces and exposing not only the jewels with which they
+were packed away, but all those spicy secrets too which are so relished
+by scandal-loving readers.</p>
+
+<p>At present, however, I am in an altogether lighter and more genial vein.
+My confessions up to date are of a purely personal character, and like a
+literary Liliputian I am placing myself in the hand of that colossal
+Gulliver the Public.</p>
+
+<p>I may, it is true, in the course of my remarks be led to retaliate to
+some extent upon those who have had the hardihood to assert that all
+caricaturists ought, in the interest of historical accuracy, to be
+shipped on board an unseaworthy craft and left in the middle of the
+Channel, for the crime of handing down to posterity distorted images of
+those now in the land of the living. This I feel bound to do in
+self-defence, as well as in the cause of truth, for to judge by the
+biographical sketches of myself which continually appear and reach me
+through the medium of a press-cutting agency, caricaturists as
+distorters of features are not so proficient as authors as distorters of
+facts.</p>
+
+<p>I think it best therefore to begin by giving as briefly as possible an
+authentic outline of my early career.</p>
+
+<p>For the benefit of anyone who may not feel particularly interested in
+such details, I should mention that the narration of this plain
+unvarnished tale extends from this line to page 29.</p>
+
+<p>I was born in Ireland, in the town of Wexford, on March 26th, 1854. I do
+not, however, claim, to be an Irishman. My father was a typical
+Englishman, hailing from Yorkshire, and not in his appearance only, but
+in his tastes and sympathies, he was an unmistakable John Bull. By
+profession he was a civil engineer, and he migrated to Ireland some
+years before I was born, having been invited to throw some light upon
+that "benighted counthry" by designing and superintending the erection
+of gas works in various towns and cities.</p>
+
+<p>My mother was Scotch. My great-great-grandfather was a captain in the
+Pretender's army at Culloden, and had a son, Angus, who settled in
+Aberdeen. When Æneas MacKenzie, my grandfather, was born, his family
+moved south and settled <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span> in Newcastle-on-Tyne. A local biographer
+writes of him: "A man who by dint of perseverance and self-denial
+acquired more learning than ninety-nine in a hundred ever got at a
+university&mdash;an accomplished and most trustworthy writer. The real
+founder of the Newcastle Mechanics' Institute, and the leader of the
+group of Philosophical Radicals who made not a little stir in the North
+of England at the beginning of the last century."
+
+
+<span class="figright" style="width: 300px; margin-bottom: 0; ">
+<img src="images/img003a.jpg" width="300" height="390" alt="" title="" />
+</span>
+
+<span class="figright" style="width: 300px; margin-top: 0; ">
+<img src="images/img003b.jpg" width="300" height="147" alt="" title="" />
+</span>
+
+He was not only a benevolent, active member of society and an ardent
+politician (Joseph Cowen received his earliest impressions from
+him&mdash;and never forgot his indebtedness), but the able historian of
+Northumberland, Durham, and of Newcastle itself, a town in which he
+spent his life and his energies. If I possess any hereditary aptitude
+for journalism, it is to him I owe it; whilst to my mother, who at a
+time when miniature painting was fashionable, cultivated the natural
+artistic taste with much success, I am directly indebted for such
+artistic faculties as are innate in me.</p>
+
+<p>My family moved from Wexford to Dublin when I was ten. It is pleasant to
+know they left a good impression. In Miss Mary Banim's account of
+Ireland I find the following reference to these aliens in Wexford, which
+I must allow my egotism to transcribe: "Many are the kindly memories
+that remain in Wexford of this warm-hearted, gifted family, who are said
+not only to be endowed with rare talents, but, better still, with those
+qualities that endear people to those they meet in daily intercourse."
+The flattering adjectives with which the remarks about myself are
+sandwiched prevent my modest nature from quoting any more. However, as
+one does not remember much of that period of their life before they
+reach <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span> their teens I need not apologise for quoting from the same
+work this reference to me at that age:</p>
+
+<p>"One who was his playmate&mdash;he is still a young man&mdash;describes
+Mr. Furniss as very small of stature, full of animation and merriment,
+constantly amusing himself and his friends with clever[!] reproductions
+of each humorous character or scene that met his eye in the
+ever-fruitful gallery of living art&mdash;gay, grotesque, pathetic, even
+beautiful&mdash;that the streets and outlets of such a town as Wexford
+present to a quick eye and a ready pencil."</p>
+
+<p>I can appreciate the fact that at that early age I had an eye for the
+"pathetic, and even beautiful," but, alas! I have been misunderstood
+from the day of my birth. I used to sit and study the heavens before I
+could walk, and my nurse, a wise and shrewd woman, predicted that I
+should become a great astronomer; but instead of the works of Herschel
+being put into my hands, I was satiated with the vilest comic toy books,
+and deluged with the frivolous nursery literature now happily a thing of
+the past. At odd times my old leaning towards serious reflection and
+ambition for high art come over me, but there is a fatality which dogs
+my footsteps and always at the critical moment ruins my hopes.</p>
+
+<p>It is indeed strange how slight an incident may alter the
+whole course of one's life, as will be seen from the following
+instance, which I insert here although it took place some years
+after the period to which I am now alluding.</p>
+
+<p>The scene was Antwerp, to which I was paying my first visit,
+and where I was, like all artists, very much impressed and
+delighted with the cathedral of the quaint old place. The afternoon
+was merging into evening as I entered the sacred building,
+and the broad amber rays of the setting sun glowed amid the
+stately pillars and deepened the shadowy glamour of the solemn
+aisles. As I gazed on the scene of grandeur I felt profoundly
+moved by the picturesque effect, and the following morning
+discovered me hard at work upon a most elaborate study of the
+beautiful carved figures upon the confessional boxes. I had
+just laid out my palette preparatory to painting that picture
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span>
+which would of course make my name and fortune, when a
+hoarse and terribly British guffaw at my elbow startled me, and
+turning round I encountered some acquaintances to whom the
+scene seemed to afford considerable amusement. One of them
+was good enough to remark that to have come all the way to
+Antwerp to find a caricaturist painting the confessional boxes
+in the cathedral was certainly the funniest thing he had ever
+heard of, and thereupon insisted upon dragging me off to dine
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img005.jpg" width="300" height="471" alt="MY FATHER" title="MY FATHER" /></span>
+<span class="capright"  style="width: 300px; ">MY FATHER</span>
+
+with him, a proposition to which I immediately assented, feeling far
+more foolish than I could possibly have looked. I may add that as the
+sun that evening dipped beneath the western horizon, so vanished the
+visions of high art by which I had been inspired, and thus it is that
+Michael Angelo Vandyck Correggio Raphael Furniss lies buried in Antwerp
+Cathedral. Strangely enough I came across the following paragraph some
+years afterwards: "The guides of Antwerp Cathedral point out a grotesque
+in the wood carving of the choir which resembles almost exactly the head
+of Mr. Gladstone, as depicted by Harry Furniss."</p>
+
+<p>My earliest recollections are altogether too modern to be of much
+interest. Crimean heroes were veterans when they, as guests at my
+father's table, fought their battles o'er again. The <i>Great Eastern</i>
+steamship was quite an old white elephant of the sea when I, held up in
+my nurse's arms, saw Brunel's blunder pass Greenore Point. I was hardly
+eligible for "Etons" when our present King was married. When first taken
+to church I was most interested, as standing on tiptoe on the seat in
+our square family pew, and peering into the next pew, I saw a young
+governess, at that moment the most talked-of woman in Great Britain, the
+niece of the notorious poisoner Palmer. She
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span>
+had just returned from the condemned cell, having made that scoundrel
+confess his crime, and there was more pleasure in the sight than in
+listening to the good old Rector Elgee who had christened me, or in
+seeing his famous daughter the poetess "Speranza," otherwise known as
+Lady Wilde.</p>
+
+<p>In the newspaper shop windows&mdash;always an attraction to me&mdash;the coloured
+portrait of Garibaldi was fly-blown, the pictures of the great fight
+between Sayers and Heenan were illustrations of ancient history, and in
+the year I was born <i>Punch</i> published his twenty-sixth volume.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img006.jpg" width="300" height="471" alt="HARRY FURNISS, AGED 10." title="HARRY FURNISS, AGED 10." />
+<span class="caption">HARRY FURNISS, AGED 10.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Leaving Wexford before the railway there was opened, my parents removed
+to the metropolis of Ireland, and I went to school in Dublin at the age
+of twelve. It was at the Wesleyan Connexional School, now known as the
+Wesleyan College, St. Stephen's Green, that I struggled through my first
+pages of Cæsar and stumbled over the "pons asinorum," and here I must
+mention that although the Wesleyan College bears the name of the great
+religious reformer, a considerable number of the boys who studied
+there&mdash;myself included&mdash;were in no way connected with the
+Wesleyan body. I merely say this because I have seen it stated more than
+once that I am a Wesleyan, and as this little sketch professes to be an
+authentic account of myself, I wish it to be correct, however trivial my
+remarks may seem to the general reader. It is in the same spirit that I
+have disclaimed the honour of being an Irishman.</p>
+
+<p>Once upon a time, when I was a very little boy, I remember being very
+much impressed by a heading in my copybook which <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span> ran: "He who can
+learn to write, can learn to draw." Now this was putting the cart before
+the horse, so far as my experience had gone, for I could most certainly
+draw before I could write, and had not only become an editor long before
+I was fit to be a contributor, but was also a publisher before I had
+even seen a printing press. In fact, I was but a little urchin in
+knickerbockers when I brought out a periodical&mdash;in MS. it is
+true&mdash;of which the ambitious title was "The Schoolboys' <i>Punch</i>."
+The ingenuous simplicity with which I am universally credited by all who
+know me now had not then, I fancy, obtained complete possession of me. I
+must have been artful, designing, diplomatic, almost Machiavellian; for
+anxious to curry favour with the head master of my school, I resolved to
+use the columns of "The Schoolboys' <i>Punch</i>" not so much in the interest
+of the schoolboy world as to attract the head master's favourable notice
+to the editor.</p>
+
+<p>Accordingly, the first cartoon I drew for the paper was specially
+designed with this purpose in view, and I need scarcely say it was
+highly complimentary to the head master. He was represented in a
+Poole-made suit of perfectly-fitting evening dress, and the trousers, I
+remember, were particularly free from the slightest wrinkle, and must
+have been extremely uncomfortable to the wearer. This tailorish
+impossibility was matched by the tiny patent boots which encased the
+great man's small and exquisitely moulded feet. I furnished him with a
+pair of dollish light eyes, with long eyelashes carefully drawn in, and
+as a masterstroke threw in the most taper-shaped waist.</p>
+
+<p>The subject of the picture, I flattered myself, was selected with no
+little cleverness and originality. A celebrated conjuror who had
+recently exposed the frauds of the Davenport Brothers was at the moment
+creating a sensation in the town where the school was situated, and from
+that incident I determined to draw my inspiration. The magnitude of the
+design and the importance of the occasion seemed to demand a
+double-paged cartoon. On one side I depicted a hopelessly scared little
+schoolboy, not unlike myself at the time, tightly corded in a cabinet,
+which represented the school, with trailing Latin roots, <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span> heavy Greek exercises, and chains of
+figures. The door, supposed to be closed on this distressing but
+necessary situation, is observed in the opposite cartoon to be
+majestically thrown open by the beaming and consciously successful head
+master, in order to allow a young college student, the pink of
+scholastic perfection, to step out, loaded with learning and academical
+honours.</p>
+
+<p>"Great events from little causes spring!"&mdash;great, at least, to me.
+So well was my juvenile effort received, that it is not too much to say
+it decided my future career. Had my subtle flattery taken the shape of a
+written panegyric upon the head master in lieu of a cartoon, it is
+possible that I might, had I met with equal success, have devoted myself
+to journalism and literature; but from that day forward I clung to the
+pencil, and in a few years was regularly contributing "cartoons" to
+public journals, and practising the profession I have ever since
+pursued.</p>
+
+<p>Drawing, in fact, seemed to come to me naturally and intuitively. This
+was well for me, for small indeed was the instruction I received. I
+recollect that a German governess, who professed, among other things, to
+teach drawing, undertook to cultivate my genius; but I derived little
+benefit from her unique system, as it consisted in placing over the
+paper the drawing to be copied, and pricking the leading points with a
+pin, after which, the copy being removed, the lines were drawn from one
+point to another. The copies were of course soon perforated beyond
+recognition, and, although I warmly protested against this sacrilege of
+art, she explained that it was by that system that Albert Dürer had been
+taught. This, of course, accounts for our having infant prodigies in
+art, as well as music and the drama. The rapidity with which Master
+Hoffmann was followed by infantile Lizsts and little Otto Hegner as soon
+as it became apparent that there was a demand for such phenomena, seems
+to indicate that in music at all events supply will follow demand as a
+matter of course, and if the infant artist can only be "crammed" in
+daubing on canvas as youthful musicians are in playing on the piano,
+then perhaps a new sensation is in store for the artistic world, and we
+shall see babies executing replicas of the old masters, and the Infant
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span> Slapdash painter painting the portraits of Society beauties. As a
+welcome relief to Chopin's Nocturne in D flat, played by Baby Hegner at
+St. James's Hall, we shall step across to Bond Street and behold "Le
+Petit Am&eacute;ricain" dashing off his "Nocturne" on canvas. I sometimes
+wonder if I might have been made such an infant art prodigy, but when I
+was a lad public taste was not in its second childhood in matters of art
+patronage, nor was the forcing of children practised in the same manner
+as it is nowadays.</p>
+
+<p>Naturally enough I did not altogether escape the thraldom of the
+drawing-master, and as years went on I made a really serious effort to
+study at an art school under the Kensington system, which I must confess
+I believe to be positively prejudicial to a young artist possessing
+imagination and originality. The late Lord Beaconsfield made one of his
+characters in "Lothair" declare that "critics are those who have failed
+in literature and art." Whether this is true as to the art critics, or
+that the dramatic critic is generally a disappointed playwright, it must
+in truth be said that drawing-masters are nearly always those who have
+failed in art. I can remember one gentleman who was the especial terror
+of my youth. I can see him now going his rounds along the chilly
+corridor, where, perhaps, one had been placed to draw something "from
+the flat." After years and years of practice at this rubbish, he would
+halt beside you, look at your work in a perfunctory manner, and with a
+dexterity which appalled you until you reflected that he had been doing
+the same thing exactly, and nothing else, for perhaps a decade, he would
+draw in a section of a leaf, and if, as in my case, you happened to have
+a pretty sister attending the ladies' class in the school, he would add
+leaf to leaf until your whole paper was covered with his mechanical
+handiwork, in order to have a little extra conversation with you,
+although, I need scarcely add, it was not exclusively confined to the
+subject of art.</p>
+
+<p>This sort of thing was called "instruction in freehand drawing," and had
+to be endured and persisted in for months and months. Freehand! Shade of
+Apelles! What is there free in squinting and measuring, and feebly
+touching in and fiercely <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span> rubbing out a collection of straggling
+mechanical pencil lines on a piece of paper pinned on to a hard board,
+which after a few weeks becomes nothing but a confused jumble of
+fingermarks?</p>
+
+<p>Had I an Art School I would treat my students according to their
+individual requirements, just as a doctor treats his patients. I am led
+here to repeat what I have already observed in one of my lectures, that
+for the young the pill of knowledge should be silver-coated, and that
+while they are being instructed they should also be amused. In other
+words, interest your pupils, do not depress them. Giotto did not begin
+by rigidly elaborating a drawing of the crook of his shepherd's staff
+for weeks together; his drawings upon the sand and upon the flat stones
+which he found on the hillsides are said to have been of the picturesque
+sheep he tended, and all the interesting and fascinating objects that
+met his eye. Then, when his hand had gained practice, he was able to
+draw that perfect circle which he sent to the Pope as a proof of his
+command of hand. But the truth is that we begin at the wrong end, and
+try to make our boys draw a perfect circle before they are in love with
+drawing at all. For my part, I had to endure some weeks of weary
+struggling with a cone and ball and other chilly objects, the effect of
+which was to fill my mind with an overwhelming sense of the dreariness
+of art education under the Kensington system. A short time, therefore,
+sufficed to disgust me with the Art School, and I preferred to stay at
+home caricaturing my relatives, educating myself, and practising alone
+the rudiments of my art.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px; ">
+<img src="images/img011.jpg" width="500" height="325" alt="A CARICATURE, MADE WHEN A BOY" title="A CARICATURE, MADE WHEN A BOY" />
+<span class="caption">A CARICATURE, MADE WHEN A BOY (NEVER PUBLISHED). DUBLIN EXHIBITION. PORTRAIT OF SIR A. GUINNESS<br />
+(NOW LORD IVEAGH) IN CENTRE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Early in my teens, however, I was invited to join the Life School of the
+Hibernian Academy, as there happened to be a paucity of students at that
+institution, and in order to secure the Government grant it was
+necessary to bring them up to the required number. But here also there
+was no idea of proper teaching. Some fossilised member of the Academy
+would stand about roasting his toes over the stove. A recollection of a
+fair specimen of the body still haunts me. He used to roll round the
+easels, and you became conscious of his approaching presence by an aroma
+of onions. I believe he was a landscape painter, and saw no more beauty
+in the female form divine than in a haystack. It was his custom to take
+up a huge piece of charcoal and come down upon one of your delicately
+drawn pencil lines of a figure with a terrible stroke about an inch
+wide.</p>
+
+<p>"There, me boy," he would exclaim, "that's what it wants," and walk on,
+leaving you in doubt upon which side of the line you had drawn he
+intended his alteration to come.</p>
+
+<p>I soon decided to have my own models and study for myself, and this
+practice I have maintained to the present day. I really don't know what
+Mrs. Grundy would have said if she had known that at this early age I
+was drawing Venuses from the life, instead of tinting the illustrations
+to "Robinson Crusoe" or "Gulliver's Travels" in my playroom at home.</p>
+
+<p>Few imagine that a caricaturist requires models to draw from. Although I
+will not further digress at this point, I may perhaps be pardoned if I
+return later on in this book to the explanation of my <i>modus
+operandi</i>&mdash;a subject which, if I may judge from the number of
+letters I receive about it, is likely to prove of interest to a large
+number of my readers.</p>
+
+<p>It was when I was still quite a boy that my first great chance came.
+Being in Dublin, I was asked one day by my friend the late Mr. A. M.
+Sullivan to make some illustrations for a paper called <i>Zozimus</i>, of
+which he was the editor and founder. As a matter of fact, <i>Zozimus</i> was
+the Irish <i>Punch</i>. Mr. Sullivan, who was a Nationalist, and a man of
+exceptional energy and ability, began life as an artist. He came to
+Dublin, I was told, as a very young man, and began to paint; but the
+sails of his ships were pronounced to be far too yellow, the seas on
+which the vessels floated were derided as being far too green, while the
+skies above them were scoffed at as being far too blue. In these adverse
+circumstances, then, the artist soon drifted into journalism, and,
+inducing his brothers to join him in his new venture, thenceforth took
+up the pen and abandoned the brush. Each member of the family became a
+well-known figure in Parliamentary life. Mr. T. D. Sullivan, the poet of
+the Irish <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span> Party, is still a well-known figure in the world of
+politics; but my friend Mr. A. M. Sullivan, who died some years ago,
+belonged rather to the more moderate <i>régime</i> which prevailed in the
+Irish Party during the leadership of Mr. Butt.</p>
+
+<p>At the time when I first made his acquaintance he was the editor and
+moving spirit of the <i>Nation</i>. It was a curious office, and I can recall
+many whom I first met there who have since come more or less prominently
+to the front in public life. There was Mr. Sexton, whom my friend "Toby"
+has since christened "Windbag Sexton" in his Parliamentary reports. Mr.
+Sexton then presided over the scissors and paste department of the
+journals owned by Mr. A. M. Sullivan, and, unlike the posing orator he
+afterwards became, was at that early stage of his career of a very
+modest and retiring disposition. Mr. Leamy also, I think, was connected
+with the staff, while Mr. Dennis Sullivan superintended the sale of the
+papers in the publishing department.</p>
+
+<p>But the central figure in the office was unquestionably the editor and
+proprietor, Mr. A. M. Sullivan. His personality was of itself
+remarkable. Possessed of wonderful energy and nerve, he was a confirmed
+teetotaller, and his prominent eyes, beaming with intelligence, seemed
+almost to be starting from his head as, intent upon some project, he
+darted about the office, ever and anon checking his erratic movements to
+give further directions to his subordinates, when he had a funny habit
+of placing his hand on his mouth and blowing his moustache through his
+fingers, much to the amusement of his listeners, and to my astonishment,
+as I stood modestly in a corner of the editorial sanctum observing with
+awe the great Mr. Sexton, who, amid the distractions of scissors and
+paste, would drawl out a sentence or two in a voice strongly resembling
+the sarcastic tones of Mr. Labouchere.</p>
+
+<p>In another part of the office sat Mr. T. D. Sullivan, the poet
+aforesaid, who, like his brother, is a genial and kindly man at heart,
+although possessing the volcanic temperament characteristic of his
+family. There he sat&mdash;a poet with a large family&mdash;his hair
+dishevelled, his trousers worked by excitement halfway up <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span> his calves, emitting various
+stertorous sounds after the manner of his brother, as he savagely tore
+open the recently-arrived English newspapers. Such was the interior of
+the office of the <i>Nation</i>, the representative organ of the most
+advanced type of the National Press of Ireland.</p>
+
+<p>But <i>Zozimus</i>, the paper to which I was then contributing, had nothing
+in common with the rest of the publications issuing from that office. It
+was of a purely social character, and was a praiseworthy attempt to do
+something of a more artistic nature than the coarsely-conceived and
+coarsely-executed National cartoons which were the only specimens of
+illustrative art produced in Ireland. Fortunately for me, there was an
+effort made in Dublin just then to produce a better class of
+publications, and the result was that I began to get fairly busy,
+although it was merely a wave of artistic energy, which did not last
+long, but soon subsided into that dead level of mediocrity which does
+not appear likely to be again disturbed.</p>
+
+<p>I was now in my seventeenth year, and, intent on making as much hay as
+possible the while the sun shone, I accepted every kind of work that was
+offered me; and a strange medley it was. Religious books, medical works,
+scientific treatises, scholastic primers and story books afforded in
+turn illustrative material for my pencil. One week I was engaged upon
+designs for the most advanced Catholic and Jesuitical manuals, and the
+next upon similar work for a Protestant prayer-book. At one moment it
+seemed as if I were destined to achieve fame as an artist of the
+ambulance corps and the dissecting-room. One of my earliest
+dreams&mdash;which I attribute to the fact that my eldest brother, with
+whom I had much in common, was a doctor&mdash;had been to adopt the
+medical profession. Curiously enough, my brother also had a taste for
+caricaturing, and, like the illustrious John Leech in his medical
+student days, he was wont to embellish his notes in the hospital
+lecture-room with pictorial <i>jeux d'esprit</i> of a livelier cast than
+those for which scope is usually afforded by the discourses of the
+learned Mr. Sawbones.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px; ">
+<img src="images/img016.jpg" width="550" height="372" alt="AN EARLY ILLUSTRATION ON WOOD BY HARRY FURNISS" title="AN EARLY ILLUSTRATION ON WOOD BY HARRY FURNISS" />
+<span class="caption">AN EARLY ILLUSTRATION ON WOOD BY HARRY FURNISS. PARTLY
+ENGRAVED BY HIM.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I remember that about this period a leading surgeon was
+anxious that I should devote myself to the pursuit of this
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span>
+anything but pleasant form of art, and seriously proposed that I
+should draw and paint for him some of his surgical cases. I
+accepted his offer without hesitation, and, burning to distinguish
+myself as an anatomical expert with the brush, I gave instruction
+to our family butcher to send me, as a model to study from, a
+kidney, which was to be the acme of goriness and as repulsive in
+appearance as possible. Of this piece of uncooked meat I made
+a quite pre-Raphaelite study in water-colours, but so realistic
+was the result that the effect it had upon me was the very
+antithesis to what I anticipated, disgusting me to such an extent
+that I not only declined to pursue further anatomical illustration,
+but for years afterwards was quite unable to touch a kidney,
+although I believe that had I selected a calf's head or a sucking-pig
+for my maiden effort in this direction, I might by now have
+blossomed into a Rembrandt or a Landseer.</p>
+
+<p>Amongst other incidents which occurred during this period of
+my life was one which it now almost makes me shudder to think
+of. I was commissioned by no less a personage than the late
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span>
+Mr. Pigott, of Parnell Commission notoriety, to illustrate for
+him a story of the broadest Irish humour. Little did I think
+when I entered his office in Abbey Street, Dublin, and had an
+interview with the genial and pleasant-looking little man with
+the eye-glass, that he would one day play so prominent a <i>rôle</i> in
+the Parliamentary drama, or that the weak little arm he extended
+to me was destined years afterwards to be the instrument of a
+tragedy. I can truly say, at all events, my recollection as a boy
+of sixteen of the great <i>Times</i> forger is by no means unfavourable,
+and he dwells in my memory as one of the most pleasant and
+genial of men. I ought, perhaps, to say that in feeling I was
+anything but a Nationalist, because in Ireland, generally speaking,
+you must be either black or white. But like a lawyer
+who takes his brief from every source, I never studied who my
+clients were when they required my juvenile services.</p>
+
+<p>Although I was not of Irish parentage and did not lean
+towards Nationalism in politics, it was necessary to sympathise
+now and then with the down-trodden race. For instance,
+I remember that one evening a respectable-looking mechanic
+called at my fathers house and requested to see me. His
+manner was strange and mysterious, and as he wanted to
+see me alone, I took him into an anteroom, where, with my
+hand on the door handle and the other within easy distance of
+the bell, I asked the excitable-looking stranger the nature of his
+business. Pulling from his pocket a roll of one-pound Irish
+bank-notes, he thrust them into my hand, and besought me at
+the same time not to refuse the request he was about to make.
+An idea flashed through my mind that perhaps he had seen me
+coming out of the offices of the National Press, and had jumped
+to the conclusion that I could therefore be bought over to
+perpetrate some terrible political crime. I even imagined that
+in the roll of notes I should find the knife with which the fell
+deed had to be done. Seeing that I shrank from him, he seized
+hold of my arm, and, in a most pitiable voice, said:</p>
+
+<p>"Don't, young sorr, refuse me what I am about to ask you.
+I'm only a working man, but here are all my savings, which you
+may take if you will just dhraw me a picter to be placed at the
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span>
+top of a complete set of photographs of our Irish leaders. I
+want Britannia at the head of the group, a bastely dhrunken old
+hag, wid her fut on the throat of the beautiful Erin, who is to
+be bound hand and fut wid chains, and being baten and starved.
+Thin I want prisons at the sides, showing the grand sons of Ould
+Oireland dying in their cells by torture, whilst a fine Oirish
+liberator wid dhrawn sword is just on the point of killing
+Britannia outright, and so saving his disthressful country."</p>
+
+<p>About this time someone had been good enough to inform me
+that all black and white artists are in the habit of engraving
+their own work, and, religiously believing this, I duly provided
+myself with some engraving tools, bought some boxwood, a
+jeweller's eye-glass, and a sand bag, without which no engraver's
+table can be said to be complete.</p>
+
+<p>Then, setting to work to practise the difficult art, I struggled
+on as best I could, until one fine day a professional engraver
+enlightened me upon the matter. I need scarcely say he went
+into fits of laughter when I told him that every artist was
+expected to be a Bewick, and he pointed out to me that not only
+do artists as a rule know very little about engraving, but in
+addition they have often only a limited knowledge of how to
+draw for engravers.</p>
+
+<p>However, thinking I should better understand the difficulties
+of drawing for publishers if I first mastered the technical art of
+reproduction, with the assistance of the engraver aforesaid I
+rapidly acquired sufficient dexterity with the tools to engrave
+my own drawings, and this I continued to do until I left Dublin,
+at the age of nineteen. Since then I have never utilised one of
+my gravers, except to pick a lock or open a box of sardines.
+Nor is this to be wondered at, considering that one can make a
+drawing in an hour which takes a week to engrave, and that an
+engraver may take five guineas for his share of the work whilst
+an artist may get fifty. There is very little doubt, therefore, as
+to the reason why artists who can draw refrain from engraving
+their own work.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 387px; ">
+<img src="images/img019.jpg" width="387" height="550" alt="SKETCHES IN GALWAY." title="SKETCHES IN GALWAY." />
+<span class="caption">SKETCHES IN GALWAY.<br />
+<i>Republished by permission of the proprietors of the "Illustrated London News."</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>In the studio of the engraver to whom I have above referred
+there hung a huge map of London, and as I used to pore over it
+I took many an imaginary walk down Fleet Street, many a
+canter in the Row, and many a voyage to Greenwich on a penny
+steamboat, before I bade adieu to "dear dirty Dublin" in the
+year 1873, and, as many have done before me, arrived in the
+"little village" in search of fame and wealth.</p>
+
+<p>Just prior to my leaving Ireland for the land of my parents I
+met no less an editor than Tom Taylor, who was then the presiding
+genius of the <i>Punch</i> table, and he gave me every
+encouragement to hasten my migration. He, however, had just
+returned from the wilds of Connemara, and before setting my
+face in the direction of Holyhead he strongly advised me also to
+pay a visit to the trackless wastes of the Western country, for the
+purpose of committing to paper the lineaments of the natives
+indigenous to the soil. This I did a week or so before quitting
+the land of my birth, and the sketches I made upon that
+occasion formed part of my stock-in-trade when I arrived in
+London.</p>
+
+<p>After making the accompanying page of studies, I strolled
+along the bank of the river; and while sketching some men
+breaking stones an incident happened which first aroused me
+to the fact that the lot of the sketching artist is not always
+a happy one. A fiend in human shape&mdash;an overbearing overseer&mdash;came
+up at the moment, and roundly abused the poor
+labourers for taking the "base Saxon's" coin. Inciting them to
+believe that I was a special informer from London, he laughed
+on my declaring that I was merely a novice, and informed me
+that I ought to be "dhrounded." He was about to suit the
+action to the word and pitch me into the salmon-stuffed river
+when he was stopped by the mediation of my models, and I
+escaped from the grip of the agitator. In due course I found
+myself in the Claddagh, a village of mud huts, which formed
+the frontispiece by John Leech to "A Little Tour in Ireland"
+by "An Oxonian," "a village of miserable cabins, the walls of
+mud and stone, and for the most part windowless, the floors
+damp and dirty, and the roofs a mass of rotten straw and
+weeds." Pigs and fowls mixed up with boats and fish refuse.
+Women old, dried and ugly; girls young, dark, of Spanish type,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span>
+scantily dressed in bright-coloured short garments, all tattered
+and torn; and children grotesque beyond description. I sketch
+three members of one family clothed (!) in the three articles of
+attire discarded by their father&mdash;one claimed the coat, another
+the trousers, whilst the third had only a waistcoat. No doubt
+Leech had seen the same sixteen years before, when he was
+there; and if "the Oxonian," who survives him&mdash;Canon Hole, of
+Rochester&mdash;were to make another little tour in Ireland, he would
+find the Claddagh still a spot to give an Englishman "a new
+sensation." All I can say is, that having escaped a "dhrouning"
+in the river when in Galway in 1873, I have visited many
+countries and seen much filth and misery, but I have seen
+nothing approaching the sad squalor of the wild West of Ireland.</p>
+
+<p>The majority of those I sketched were hardly human. Tom
+Taylor was right&mdash;"I would find such characters there not to be
+found in all the world over," and I haven't. The people got on
+my overstrung youthful nerves. I left the country the moment
+I had sufficient material for my sketches. I had shaken off the
+unpleasant feeling of being murdered in the river. I had survived
+living a week or two in the worst inns in the world.
+I had risked typhoid and every other disease fostered by the
+insanitary surroundings&mdash;for I had to hide myself in narrow
+turnings and obnoxious corners so as to sketch unseen, as the
+religion of the natives opposed any attempt to have themselves
+"dhrawn," believing that the destruction of their "pictur'"
+would be fatal to their souls! I had sketched the famous house
+in Deadman's Lane&mdash;and listened as I sketched it, in the falling
+shades of night, to the old, old story of Fitz-Stephen the Warden,
+who had lived there, and had in virtue of his office to assist at
+the hanging of his own son. And, when in the dark I was
+strolling back to my hotel, my reflections were suddenly interrupted
+by something powerful seizing me in a grip of iron round
+my leg. I was held as in a vice, and could hardly move, by
+what&mdash;a huge dog&mdash;a wolf? No, something heavier; something
+more hideous; something clothed! As I dragged it under a lamp
+I saw revealed a huge head, covered by a black skull cap&mdash;a
+man's head&mdash;a dwarf, muttering in Irish something I could not
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span>
+understand&mdash;except one word, "Judy! Judy! Judy!" It was
+a woman of extraordinary strength thus clasped on to me. I
+dragged her to the hotel door, where I engaged an interpreter in
+the shape of the "boots," and made a bargain with "Judy" to
+release me on my giving her one shilling, and to sit to me for
+this sketch for half-a-crown. I have still a lively recollection of
+the vice-like grip.</p>
+
+<p>My friend who had introduced me to the editor of <i>Punch</i> was a prominent
+city official, and entertainer in chief of all men of talent from
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img023.jpg" width="250" height="435" alt="JUDY, THE GALWAY DWARF." title="JUDY, THE GALWAY DWARF." /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 250px; ">"JUDY," THE GALWAY DWARF.</span>
+
+London, and was also, like Tom Taylor, an author and dramatist; and when
+I was a boy I illustrated one of his first stories. He also introduced
+me behind the scenes at the old Theatre Royal. I recollect my boyish
+delight when one day I was on the stage during the rehearsal of the
+Italian opera. Shall I ever forget that treat? It was much greater in my
+eyes than the real performance later on. If my memory serves, "Don
+Giovanni" was the opera. One of the principals was suddenly taken ill,
+and this rehearsal was called for the benefit of the understudy. He was
+a dumpy, puffy little Italian, and played the heavy father. Madame
+Titiens was&mdash;well&mdash;the heavy daughter. In the first scene she has to
+throw herself upon her prostrate father. This is the incident I saw
+rehearsed: the little fat father lay on the dusty stage, with one eye on
+the O.P. side. As soon as the massive form of Titiens bore down upon him
+he rolled over and over out of the way. This pantomime highly amused all
+of us, the ever-jovial Titiens in particular, and she again and again
+rushed laughingly in, but with the same result.</p>
+
+<p>The first actor I ever saw perform was Phelps, in "The Man of
+the World." If anything could disillusionise a youth regarding
+the romance of the theatre, that play surely would. Be it to
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span>
+my credit that my first impression was admiration for a fine&mdash;if
+dull&mdash;performance. From that day I have been a constant
+theatre-goer. If I am to believe the following anecdote, published
+in a Dublin paper a few years ago, I "did the theatre in
+style," and had an early taste which I did not possess for
+making jokes.</p>
+
+<p>"The jarvey drove Harry Furniss, when a boy, down to the
+old Theatre Royal, Dublin. On the way there Jehu enquired of
+the budding artist whether it was true that the roof was provided
+with a tank whence every part of the building could be deluged,
+shower-bath fashion, if necessary. 'Yes,' replied Raphael
+junior; 'and, you see, I always bring
+an umbrella in case of fire.'"</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 200px; ">
+<img src="images/img024.jpg" width="200" height="231" alt="PHELPS, THE FIRST ACTOR I SAW." title="PHELPS, THE FIRST ACTOR I SAW." />
+<span class="caption">PHELPS, THE FIRST ACTOR I SAW.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I may confess that I have only once appeared in theatricals, and that
+was in high comedy as a member of the Dublin Amateur Theatrical Society.
+The play was "She Stoops to Conquer," and I took the part
+of&mdash;think!&mdash;<i>Mrs.</i> Hardcastle. I was only seventeen, and very small for
+my age, so I owe any success I may have made to the costumier and
+wig-maker. The Tony Lumpkin was so excellent that he adopted the stage
+as his profession, and became a very popular comedian; and our Diggory
+is now a judge&mdash;"and a good judge too"&mdash;in the High Court.</p>
+
+<p>It was on a bright, breezy morning late in July, 1873, I shook
+the dust of "dear dirty Dublin" off my feet. With the exception
+of the Welsh railways, the Irish are notoriously the slowest
+in the world, and on that particular morning the mail train
+seemed to my impatient mind to progress pig-ways. The engine
+was attached to the rear of the train and faced the station, so
+that when it began to pull it was only the "parvarsity in the
+baste" caused it to go in the opposite direction, towards Kingstown,
+in an erratic, spasmodic, and uncertain fashion, so that the
+eight miles journey seemed to me eighty. It was quite a tedious
+journey to Salthill and Blackrock. At the latter station I saw
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span>
+for the last time the porter famous for being the slave of habit. For
+years it had been his duty to call out the name of the station,
+"Blackrock! Blackrock! Blackrock!" In due course he was removed to
+Salthill station, on the same line, and well do I remember how he
+puzzled many a Saxon tourist by his calling out continually,
+"Blackrock&mdash;Salthill-I-mane! Blackrock&mdash;Salthill-I-mane!" No doubt the
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img025.jpg" width="300" height="488" alt="MRS. HARDCASTLE. MR. HARRY FURNISS." title="MRS. HARDCASTLE. MR. HARRY FURNISS." /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 300px; ">MRS. HARDCASTLE. MR. HARRY FURNISS,<br />
+FROM AN EARLY SKETCH.</span>
+
+traveller put this chronic absent-mindedness down to "Irish humour." I
+must confess that I agree in a great measure with the opinion of the
+late T. W. Robertson (author of "Caste," "School," &amp;c.), that the
+witticisms of Irish carmen and others are the ingenious inventions of
+Charles Lever, Samuel Lover, William Carleton, and other educated men.</p>
+
+<p>Dickens failed to see Irish humour, or in fact to understand what was
+meant by it. So when he was on tour with his readings a friend of mine,
+who was his host, in the North, undertook to initiate him into the
+mysteries of Irish wit. As a sample he gave Dickens the following: A
+definition of nothing,&mdash;a footless stocking without a leg. This conveyed
+nothing whatever to the mind of the greatest of English humourists; but
+when my friend took him to a certain spot and showed him a wall built
+round a vacant space, and explained to him that the native masons were
+instructed to build a wall round an old ruined church to protect it, and
+pulled down the church for the material to build the wall, he laughed
+heartily, and acknowledged the Irish had a sense of humour after
+all,&mdash;if not, a quaint absence of it.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>To me so-called Irish wit is a curious combination not wholly
+dependent on humour, and frequently unconscious. There is a
+story that when Mr. Beerbohm Tree arrived in Dublin he was
+received by a crowd of his admirers, and jumping on to a car
+said to his jarvey, "Splendid reception that, driver!"</p>
+
+<p>The jarvey thought a moment, and replied, "Maybe ye
+think so, but begorrah, it ain't a patch on the small-pox scare!"
+Was that <i>meant</i>?</p>
+
+<p>The poor Saxon "towrist"&mdash;what he may suffer in the
+Emerald Isle! There is a story on record of three Irishmen
+rushing away from the race meeting at Punchestown to catch
+a train back to Dublin. At the moment a train from a long
+distance pulled up at the station, and the three men scrambled
+in. In the carriage was seated one other passenger. As soon
+as they had regained their breath, one said:</p>
+
+<p>"Pat, have you got th' tickets?"</p>
+
+<p>"What tickets? I've got me loife; I thought I'd have lost
+that gettin' in th' thrain. Have you got 'em, Moike?"</p>
+
+<p>"Oi, begorrah, I haven't."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, we're all done for thin," said the third. "They'll charge
+us roight from the other soide of Oireland."</p>
+
+<p>The old gentleman looked over his newspaper and said:</p>
+
+<p>"You are quite safe, gintlemen; wait till we get to the next
+station."</p>
+
+<p>They all three looked at each other. "Bedad, he's a
+directhor,&mdash;we're done for now entoirely."</p>
+
+<p>But as soon as the train pulled up the little gentleman
+jumped out and came back with three first-class tickets. Handing
+them to the astonished strangers, he said, "Whist, I'll tell ye
+how I did it. I wint along the thrain&mdash;'Tickets plaze, tickets
+plaze,' I called, and these belong to three Saxon towrists in
+another carriage."</p>
+
+<p>On the morning I left Ireland to seek my fortune in London
+I had a youthful notion that, once on the mainland of my
+parents' country, St. Paul's and the smoke of London would be
+visible; but we had passed through the Menai tunnel, grazed
+Conway Castle walls, and skirted miles of the Welsh rock-bound
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span>
+coast, and yet no St. Paul's was visible to my naked eye which
+was plastered against the window-pane of the carriage. The
+other eye, clothed and in its right mind, inspected the carriage
+and discovered that there were two other occupants&mdash;a lady and
+her maid. These interesting passengers had recovered from the
+effects of the Channel passage, and were eating their lunch.
+The lady politely offered me some sandwiches. "No, thanks,"
+I replied; "I shall lunch in London." This reminds me of a
+story I heard when I was in America, of two young English
+ladies arriving at New York. They immediately entered the
+Northern Express at the West Central. About 7 o'clock in the
+evening they arrived at Niagara&mdash;half an hour or so is given to
+the passengers to alight and look at the wonderful Falls. The
+gentleman who told me the story informed me that as the two
+ladies were getting back into the carriage he asked them if they
+were going to dine at once. They, ignorant of the vastness of
+the "gre&mdash;e&mdash;at country Amuraka," replied, "Oh, no, thanks,
+we are going to dine with our friends when we arrive. It
+can't be long now, we have been travelling so fast all the
+day!"</p>
+
+<p>"And may I ask, young ladies, where your friends
+live?"</p>
+
+<p>"We are going to an uncle who has been taken suddenly ill
+in San Francisco."</p>
+
+<p>These young ladies would have had to wait certainly five
+days for their dinner,&mdash;I only five hours.</p>
+
+<p>The strange lady and I conversed a great deal on various
+topics. By degrees she discovered that I was a young artist,
+friendless, and on his way to the great city to battle with
+fortune. I may have told her of my history, of my youthful
+ambitions and my professional plans,&mdash;anyway she told me of
+hers, and, while her maid was lazily slumbering, she confessed
+to me her troubles.</p>
+
+<p>"My story," she said, "is a sad one. I am of good family,
+and I married a well-known professional London man. He
+turned out to be a gambler, and ran through my money, and I
+returned to my parents. I have left them this morning again,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span>
+and, like you, I am now on my way to London to start in life,
+and if possible make my own living. You see my appearance
+is not altogether unprepossessing" (she was tall, singularly
+handsome, a refined woman of style) ... I bowed ... "Well,
+I am also fortunate in having a good voice, it is
+well-trained, and I am going to London to sing as a paid
+professional in the houses in which I have formerly been a
+guest."</p>
+
+<p>I sympathised with her, and she continued, weeping, to
+relate to me events of her unhappy married life until we arrived
+at Euston. I saw her and her maid into a four-wheeler, and I
+saw their luggage on the top. She gave me her card with her
+parents' address in London written on it, and requested that I
+would write to her at that address, as she would like to hear
+how I got on in London. I never saw her again. But I did
+write home, and found there was such a lady, her family were
+well-known society people in Ireland, and that her marriage had
+not been a happy one.</p>
+
+<p>After three years in London I ran over to Ireland to see
+my parents. On my return I seemed to miss the charming
+companion of my journey over the same ground three years
+previously. Two uninteresting men were in the carriage: a
+typical German professor on tour, and communicative; and a
+typical English gentleman, uncommunicative. As the journey
+was a long one the German smoked, ate and drank himself to
+sleep, and after some hours the other man and I exchanged a
+word. The fact is I thought I knew his face,&mdash;I told him so.
+He thought he knew mine. "Had we gone to school together?"
+"No." He was at least ten years my senior. It happened he
+had been to school with my half-brother (my father was married
+twice,&mdash;I am the youngest son of his second family). We
+chatted freely about each other's family and on various topics,
+including the sleeping Teuton in the corner. I incidentally
+mentioned my last journey. The lady interested him, so I told
+him of the way in which she confessed to me. I waxed
+eloquent over her wrongs. He got still more excited as I
+described her husband as she described him to me; and as the
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span>
+train rolled into Euston, he said, "Well, you know who I am, I
+know who you are,&mdash;I'll tell you one thing more: that woman's
+story is perfectly true&mdash;I'm her husband!"</p>
+
+<p>That was one of the most extraordinary coincidences which ever happened
+to me. Three years after meeting the wife, over the same journey, at the
+same time of the year, I meet the husband; and I had never been the
+journey in the meantime.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2>
+
+<h3>BOHEMIAN CONFESSIONS.</h3>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in">I arrive in London&mdash;A Rogue and Vagabond&mdash;Two Ladies&mdash;Letters of
+Introduction&mdash;Bohemia&mdash;A Distinguished Member&mdash;My Double&mdash;A
+Rara Avis&mdash;The Duke of Broadacres&mdash;The Savages&mdash;A Souvenir&mdash;Portraits
+of the Past&mdash;J. L. Toole&mdash;Art and Artists&mdash;Sir Spencer
+Wells&mdash;John Pettie&mdash;Milton's Garden.<br /><br /></p></div>
+
+<p>I did not make my appearance in London with merely the proverbial
+half-crown in my pocket, nor was I breathlessly expectant to find the
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img030.jpg" width="200" height="264" alt="CARICATURE OF MYSELF." title="CARICATURE OF MYSELF." /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 200px; ">CARICATURE OF MYSELF,<br />
+DRAWN WHEN I FIRST<br />
+ARRIVED IN LONDON.</span>
+
+streets paved with gold. Thanks chiefly to my savings in Dublin, my
+balance at my bankers' was sufficient to keep me for at least a year,
+and as soon as the editors returned from their summer holidays I was
+fortunate enough to procure commissions, which have been pouring in
+pretty steadily ever since.</p>
+
+<p>It was with a strange feeling that I found myself for the first time in
+London, among four millions of people, with not one of whom I could
+claim acquaintance, and I think it will not be out of place if I here
+offer a hint which may possibly be of use to other young men who are
+placed in similar circumstances. Upon first coming to the metropolis,
+then, let them invariably act, in as much as it is possible, as if they
+were Londoners old and seasoned. To stand gazing at St. Paul's with
+mouth agape and eyes astare, or to enquire your way to the National
+Gallery or Madame Tussaud's, is a sure means of finding yourself ere
+long <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span> in the hands of the unscrupulous and designing. For my
+part, as I took my first admiring peep at the masterpiece of Sir
+Christopher, I whistled to myself with an air of nonchalance, and as I
+passed down Fleet Street I made a point of nodding familiarly to the
+passers-by as if I were already a frequent <i>habitué</i> of the thoroughfare
+of letters. Did I find myself accosted by any particularly ingenuous
+stranger asking his way, I always promptly told him to go on as straight
+as ever he could go&mdash;a piece of advice which, coming from one so young,
+I think was highly proper and creditable, whatever may have proved its
+value in some cases from a topographical point of view. On the other
+hand, the following incident will serve to show the prudence of
+exercising due caution in addressing strangers oneself.</p>
+
+<p>Upon the evening of my arrival in the big city I had dined at the London
+Restaurant, which was situate at the corner of Chancery Lane and Fleet
+Street, in the premises now occupied by Messrs. Partridge and Cooper
+(the name of this firm must not be taken as an indication of the nature
+of my repast), and, fired with the curiosity of youth, I mounted the
+knifeboard of an omnibus bound for Hyde Park. Arrived at the famous
+statue of Wellington astride the impossible horse which has since ambled
+off to the seclusion of Aldershot, and which at once recalled to my mind
+the inimitable drawings of that infamous quadruped by John Leech, an
+artist who had done as much to familiarise me with London scenes and
+characters with his pencil as had Dickens with the pen, I happened to
+ask a sturdy artisan who was sitting beside me whether this was Hyde
+Park Corner.</p>
+
+<p>"'Ide Park!" he muttered. "'Oo are you a-tryin' ter git at? 'Ide Park!
+None o' yer 'anky panky with me, my covey!"</p>
+
+<p>I forthwith slipped off that 'bus, not a little nettled that the first
+person to whom I had spoken in London should have taken me for a rogue
+and a vagabond.</p>
+
+<p>I had been fortunate enough to secure quarters which had been
+recommended to me in a comfortable boarding-house in one of the
+old-fashioned Inns in Holborn&mdash;Thavies' Inn&mdash;in which, I <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span>was informed, whether accurately or
+not I do not pretend to know, the Knight Templars of old had once
+resided. There were no Knight Templars there when I arrived, but in
+their stead I found some highly-proper and non-belligerent clerics with
+their wives and families, and other visitors from the country, who
+seemed very satisfied with the comfortable provision that was made for
+them. But, best of all, I found a hostess who soon became one of the
+kindest and best of friends I ever had, and although I at once engaged a
+studio in the neighbouring artistic quarter of Newman Street, I
+continued for some time to live in Thavies' Inn in the enjoyment of the
+pleasant society and many advantages of her pleasant home.</p>
+
+<p>Not the least of these to me was the perfect gallery of characters who
+were continually coming and going, and the many and various studies I
+made of the different visitors to that boarding-house long supplied me
+with ample material for my sketch-book.</p>
+
+<p>I should be ungallant indeed were I to omit to add that not only was it
+a lady who first made me feel at home amid the bustle and turmoil of
+Modern Babylon, but that it was also a lady who primarily welcomed me as
+a contributor to the Press and gave me my first work in London.
+Curiously enough, both of these ladies possessed points of resemblance,
+not only in person, but in manner and goodness of heart. It was Miss
+Florence Marryat, then editress of <i>London Society</i>, who gave me my
+first commission, and I am more anxious to record the fact because I am
+aware that many a youthful journalist besides myself owed his first
+introduction to the public to the sympathy and enterprise of this
+accomplished lady. Perhaps I have less to grumble at personally than
+most others concerning the treatment which, as a young man, I
+experienced at the hands of editors; but I must say that the majority of
+such potentates with whom I then came in contact lamentably lacked that
+readiness to welcome new-comers which Miss Florence Marryat notably, and
+possibly too readily, evinced. Here I may offer a hint to
+beginners&mdash;that on coming to London letters of introduction are of
+little or no value. One such letter I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span> possessed, and it led me
+into more trouble, and was the means of my losing more time, than I
+should ever have received recompense for, even if it had obtained me the
+work which it was intended to bring me.</p>
+
+<p>In the first place, these letters often get into the hands of others
+than the particular individuals to whom they are addressed. In my case
+the letter had been inadvertently directed to the literary editor
+instead of to the art editor of one of the largest publishing firms, and
+that gentleman&mdash;I refer to the literary editor&mdash;was good enough to
+supply me with a quantity of work. I executed the commission, but, lo
+and behold! when I sent the work in, the monster Red Tape intervened in
+the person of the art editor, who became scarlet with rage because he
+had not been invoked instead of his colleague, and promptly repudiated
+the entire contract. Thereupon the literary editor wrote to me saying
+that unless I withdrew my contributions he would be personally out of
+pocket; and it may not be uninteresting to record that some day, when I
+strip this amongst my other mummies, it will be found that he
+subsequently became a wearer of lawn sleeves. Thus, whilst the two
+editors quarrelled between themselves, I was left out in the cold, and
+became a considerable loser over the transaction.</p>
+
+<p><i>A propos</i> of letters of introduction, I am reminded of a brother
+artist, who, although a caricaturist, was entirely devoid of guile, and,
+in addition, was as absent-minded as the popularly-accepted type of
+ardent scientist or professor of ultra-abstruse subject. Well, this
+curious species of satirist was setting forth on travels in foreign
+climes, and in order to lighten in some measure the vicissitudes
+inseparable from peripatetic wandering, he was provided with a letter of
+introduction to a certain British consul. The writer of this letter
+enclosed it in one to my friend, in which he said that he would find the
+consul a most arrant snob, and a bumptious, arrogant humbug as well&mdash;in
+fact, a cad to the backbone; but that he (my friend) was not to mind
+this, for, as he could claim acquaintanceship with several dukes and
+duchesses, all he had to do was to trot out their names for the
+edification of the consul, who would then render him every <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span> attention, and thus compensate him
+to some extent for having to come into contact with such an insufferable
+vulgarian. On the return of the guileless satirist to England the writer
+of the letter of introduction inquired how he had fared with the consul,
+and great was his surprise to hear him drawl out, in his habitual
+lethargic manner:</p>
+
+<p>"Well, my dear fellow, he did not receive me very warmly, and he did not
+ask me to dinner. In fact, he struck me as being rather cool."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, you do surprise me!" rejoined his friend. "He's a horrible cad,
+as I told you in my letter, but he's awfully hospitable, and I really
+can't understand what you tell me. You gave him my letter of
+introduction?"</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I thought so," said my friend; "but, do you know, on my journey
+home I discovered it in my pocket-book, so I must have handed him
+instead your note to me about him!"</p>
+
+<p>Of course, in the remarks which I have been making I have not been
+alluding to letters of merely social introduction, which are of an
+entirely different nature. Such letters are generally handed to the
+individual to whom they are addressed at more propitious moments, when
+he is not either hard at work, as the case may be, in his editorial
+chair, or overburdened with anxiety as to the fluctuations of the Bank
+rate.</p>
+
+<p>Be that as it may, I cannot refrain from citing here the case of another
+brother artist, who was particular in the extreme as regarded the
+neatness of his apparel and his personal appearance in general; in fact,
+he laboured, rightly or wrongly, under the impression that the manner in
+which a letter of introduction is received and acted upon by the person
+to whom it is addressed depends upon the raiment and <i>tout ensemble</i> of
+the bearer.</p>
+
+<p>Well, it so happened that he once had a letter of introduction to a man
+he particularly wished to know, but, of all places in the world, fate
+had designed that he should have no choice but to deliver it in the
+boring of the Channel Tunnel, where the dripping roof rendered it
+necessary for all visitors to be encased from head to foot in the vilest
+and most unbecoming tarpaulin overalls. It was in these circumstances,
+then, that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span> the introduction took place, and as nothing came of
+it, my friend will now go to his grave in the firm belief that fine
+feathers make fine birds in the eyes of all those who receive letters of
+introduction.</p>
+
+
+<p>The first Bohemian Club I joined was located over Gaze's Tourist Offices
+in the Strand. Nearly my first engagement in London was for a still
+flourishing sixpenny weekly. Started in Wellington Street, close by, the
+editorial offices were there certainly, but editor, proprietors, and
+others were not. They were only to be found in "the Club," so through
+necessity I became a member.
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img035.jpg" width="350" height="347" alt="AGE 20." title="AGE 20." /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 350px; ">AGE 20.<br />
+[<i>From a photo. by W. &amp; D. Downey.</i>]</span>
+
+The flowing bowl of that iniquitous concoction, punch, was brewed for
+the staff early in the afternoon and kept flowing till early the next
+morning. The "Club" never closed day or night till the broker's man took
+possession and closed it for good. I, being young and unknown, was
+surprised to find myself an object of attraction whenever I was in the
+Club. There was something strange about me, something mysterious. This
+was so marked that my brief visits to find my editor were few and far
+between. I discovered afterwards that the curiosity and attention paid
+me had nothing to do with my work, or my personal appearance, or my
+natural shyness or youth. It was aroused by the fact that I was known as
+"the member who had paid his subscription!"</p>
+
+<p>This fact being noised abroad. I found it an easy matter to get elected
+to another and a better Bohemian Club, having beautiful premises on the
+Adelphi Terrace&mdash;a Club which has since gone through many vicissitudes,
+but I think still exists in a small way. At the time I mention it was
+much what the Savage Club is now; in fact, was located in the same
+Terrace. Its smoking concerts, too, were its great attractions, and on
+one <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span> of these evenings I played a part worth reciting, if only to
+illustrate how difficult it is for some minds to understand a joke.</p>
+
+<p>A well-known literary man called to see me. On a table in my studio lay
+a "make-up" box&mdash;used by actors preparing their faces for the
+footlights&mdash;a bald head with fringe of light hair, large fair moustache,
+wig paste, a suit of clothes too large for me, and other trifles. My
+visitor's curiosity was aroused. Taking up my "properties," he asked me
+what they were for. I explained to him a huge joke had been arranged as
+a surprise at the Club smoking concert to take place that very evening,
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img036.jpg" width="350" height="323" alt="A SUCCESSFUL MAKE-UP." title="A SUCCESSFUL MAKE-UP." /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 350px; ">A SUCCESSFUL "MAKE-UP."</span>
+
+in which I was to play a part with a well-known and highly-popular
+member&mdash;the funny man of the Club, and an eccentric-looking one to boot.
+He had conceived the idea to make me up as a double of himself. We were
+the same height, but otherwise we in no way resembled each other. He was
+stout, I was thin; he prematurely bald, I enjoyed a superabundance of
+auburn locks; but he had very marked characteristics, and wore very
+remarkable clothes. He was also very clever at "making-up." The idea was
+to test his talent in this direction, and deceive the whole of our
+friends. It was arranged that he was to leave the piano after singing
+half his song, and I&mdash;up to that moment concealed&mdash;was to come forward
+and continue it. This I explained to my visitor, who expressed his
+belief that the deception was impossible. He promised to keep the
+secret, and that evening was early in the room and seated close to the
+piano. My "double"&mdash;fortunately for me, an amateur&mdash;sang the first
+verses of one of his well-known songs, but in the middle of it
+complained of the heat of the room (one of those large rooms on the
+first floor in Adelphi Terrace, famous for the Angelica Kaufmann
+paintings on the ceiling), and opening the French <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span> window close
+to the piano he went out on to the balcony. There I was, having walked
+along the balcony from the next room. So successful was my "make-up"
+that in passing through the supper-room to get on to the balcony some of
+the members spoke to me under the impression I was the other member! The
+hall-porter had handed me a letter intended for my "double." Of course I
+imitated his walk, his mannerisms at the piano, and his voice, but I
+made a poor attempt to sing. This was the joke. "What was the matter?"
+"Never sang like that before," "Evidently thinks it is funny to be
+completely out of tune," "Hullo, what is this?" as <i>my</i> "double" walked
+through the crowded room just as I finished, and shook hands with me!</p>
+
+<p>I would really have sung the song better, but my eye happened to catch
+the puzzled stare of my friend the literary visitor in the front row. He
+looked angry and annoyed, and before my "double" came up to me, my
+friend, scowling at me, said, "Sir, I think it is infernal bad taste on
+your part to imitate my friend Harry Furniss!"</p>
+
+<p>Who is it that says we English have no sense of humour? My "double" in
+the preceding tale was my brother-in-law, who as a boy was the companion
+of Mr. George Grossmith, and in fact once appeared as an amateur at
+German Reed's, the old Gallery of Illustration, in a piece, with "Gee
+Gee" as his double, entitled "Too much Alike."</p>
+
+<p>He was also an inveterate and clever <i>raconteur</i>, and of course
+occasionally made a slip, as for instance, on a railway journey to
+Brighton once, when he found himself alone with a stranger. The stranger
+in conversation happened to ask my relative casually if he were fond of
+travelling. "Travelling? I should rather think so" he replied airily,
+and imagining he was impressing someone who was "something in the City,"
+he continued, "Yes, sir, I'm a pretty experienced traveller. Been mostly
+round the world and all that kind of thing, you know, and had my share
+of adventures, I can tell you!" After a bit he gained more confidence,
+and launched into details, giving the stranger the benefit of his
+experience. "Why, sir, you read in books that hunters of big game, such
+as tigers, watch their eyes. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span> Not a bit of it. What you have got
+to do is to watch the <i>tail</i>, and that's the thing. It mesmerises the
+animal, so to speak, and you have him at your mercy," and so forth, and
+so forth. On arriving at the hotel he found his travelling companion had
+just signed his name in the visitors' book. It was Richard Burton! My
+brother-in-law hastened to apologise to Sir Richard for his absurd
+tales. He had no idea, of course, to whom he was retailing his stiff
+yarns. Burton laughed. "My dear sir, not a word, please. I was more
+entertained than I can tell you. You really might have travelled&mdash;you
+lie so well!"</p>
+
+<p>One of the most eccentric men I ever met, and certainly one of the most
+successful journalists&mdash;a <i>rara avis</i>, for he made a fortune in Fleet
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img038.jpg" width="300" height="238" alt="TWO TRAVELLERS." title="TWO TRAVELLERS." /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 300px; ">TWO TRAVELLERS.</span>
+
+Street, and retired to live in a castle in the country&mdash;was a man whose
+name, although a very singular one, remains absolutely unknown even to
+members of the Fourth Estate. He was a clever, hard-working journalist;
+every line he wrote&mdash;and he was always writing&mdash;was printed and
+well-paid for, but he never signed an article, whilst others,
+journalists, specialists, poets, essayists&mdash;logrollers of high
+degree&mdash;see their name often enough, are "celebrities," "men of the
+time," fêted and written about, but eventually retire on the Civil List.
+Eccentricity is the breath of their nostrils, their very existence
+depends upon it, publicity is essential. My friend's eccentricity was
+for his own pleasure. He lived in a frugal&mdash;some might think in a
+miserly way&mdash;in two rooms in one of the Inns of Court. Perhaps I shall
+be more correct if I say he <i>existed</i> in one. A loaf of bread and half a
+pint of milk was his daily fare. The room he slept in he worked in. The
+other was empty, save for bundles of dusty old newspapers containing
+articles from his ever active brain. "I keep this room," said he, "for
+times when I am over-wrought. Then I shut myself up in it, and <i>roar</i>!
+When by this process I have blown away my mental cobwebs, my brain <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> regains its pristine energy, and I
+go back to my study calm and collected, having done no one any harm, and
+myself a lot of good." I have dined at his Club with him in the most
+luxurious fashion, quite regardless of expense. He was a capital host,
+but, like the magazines he wrote for, he only appeared replete once a
+month. His Press work he looked upon as mere bread and milk. His work
+was excellent, journalism which editors term "safe," neither too
+brilliant nor too dull, certainly having no trace whatever of
+eccentricity.</p>
+
+<p>I may here offer an opinion, and make a suggestion to young journalists,
+and that is&mdash;safe, steady, dull mediocrity is what pays in the long run;
+to attempt to be brilliant when not a genius is fatal. To have the
+genius, brilliancy, pluck, and success means tremendous prosperity and
+favour for a time, but the editors and the public tire of your
+cleverness. You are too much in evidence. It is safer from a mere
+business standpoint to be the steady, stupid tortoise than the brilliant
+hare. The man or woman who writes a carefully thought-out essay is
+flattered, and quoted, and talked about: for that article the writer may
+possibly receive as many sovereigns as the writer of a newspaper article
+receives shillings; but the shillings come every day, and the sovereigns
+once a month. It is wiser in the long run to be satisfied with a loaf
+and milk once a day than with a dinner at a Club every four weeks.</p>
+
+<p>If in the old days the Bohemian scribbler was not in Society, he could
+at least imagine himself there. There was nothing to prevent his
+speaking of a member of the aristocracy as "one of us" with far less
+embarrassment and with as much truth as he could nowadays when he <i>is</i>
+invited&mdash;but still as the oil that never will mix with water. Except in
+imagination&mdash;an imagination such as I recollect a well-known figure in
+literary Bohemia had when I knew it well, a writer of stories for the
+popular papers: Society stories, in which a Duke ran away with a
+governess, or a Duchess eloped with an artist, each weekly instalment
+winding up with a sensational event, so as to carry forward the interest
+of the reader. This writer&mdash;quite excellent in his way&mdash;a thorough
+Bohemian, knowing nothing about the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span> Society he wrote about, had
+the power of making himself, and sometimes fresh acquaintances, believe
+that he played in real life a part in the story he was writing. He did
+not refer to the experiences as related by him as incidents in his
+story, but as actual events of the day.</p>
+
+<p>"Brandy and soda? Thanks. My dear fellow, I feel a perfect wreck, shaken
+to pieces. I had an experience to-day I shall never forget. I have just
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img040.jpg" width="300" height="567" alt="THE DUKE OF BROADACRES." title="THE DUKE OF BROADACRES." /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 300px; ">THE DUKE OF BROADACRES.</span>
+
+arrived from Devonshire; ran down by a night train to look at a hunter
+Lord Briarrose wanted to sell me. Bob&mdash;that is Briarrose&mdash;and I
+travelled together. He is going to be married, you know; heiress; great
+beauty&mdash;neighbour&mdash;rolling in wealth. I stopped at the Castle last
+night, and before Bob was up I was on the thoroughbred and well over the
+country, returning about eleven along the top of the cliffs. To my
+horror, I saw a carriage and pair charging down a road which at one time
+continued a long distance skirting the cliffs. Cliffs had fallen; road
+cut off; unprotected; drop down cliff eight hundred feet on to pointed
+rocks and deep sea. There was nothing between the runaway horses and the
+cliff, except a storm-broken solitary tree with one branch curved over
+the road. When the horses bolted, the groom fell off. There was only a
+lady in the carriage, powerless to stop the frightened steeds dashing on
+to death. As she approached I was electrified. Something told me she was
+Bob's <i>fiancée</i>. A moment and I was charging the hunter under that tree.
+Jumping up out of the saddle, I clasped the solitary branch with both
+hands, and turning as an acrobat would on a trapeze, I hung by my legs,
+hands downwards, calling to the lady to clasp them. The fiery steeds and
+the oscillating carriage dashed under me&mdash;our <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span> hands met. With a
+superhuman effort I raised the fainting fairy form out of the vehicle as
+it passed like a whirlwind. The next moment horses and carriage were
+being dashed to pieces on the rocks below. Under our united weight the
+branch of the tree broke, and we fell unhurt on the moss-covered path.
+When the eyes of the fair lady opened to gaze upon her deliverer, I
+started as if shot. She sprang to her feet. 'Reginald!' she cried. 'Is
+it you?'</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img041.jpg" width="250" height="548" alt="FROM A SKETCH BY HERBERT JOHNSON." title="FROM A SKETCH BY HERBERT JOHNSON." />
+<span class="caption">FROM A SKETCH BY HERBERT<br />
+JOHNSON.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"She was my first love. We had not seen each other for years! Thanks.
+I'll have some more brandy. Hot this time, with some sugar, please."</p>
+
+<p>The following week <i>The London Library</i> appeared. I bought it, and read
+"The Duke's Oak," all about Lord Briarrose and Lady Betty Buttercup and
+the runaway horses. The tree with the one branch gave the title to the
+story, and the Dashing Duke of Broadacres was the aristocratic
+acrobat&mdash;my friend the author!</p>
+
+<p>The Savage Club is a remnant of Bohemian London. It was started at a
+period when art, literature, and the drama were at their lowest ebb&mdash;in
+the "good old days" when artists wore seedy velveteen coats, smoked
+clays, and generally had their works of art exhibited in pawnbrokers'
+windows; when journalists were paid at the same rate and received the
+same treatment as office-boys; and when actors commanded as many
+shillings a week as they do pounds at present. This typical trio now
+exists only in the imagination of the lady novelist. When first the
+little band of Savages met they smoked their calumets over a
+public-house in the vicinity of Drury Lane, in a room with a sanded
+floor; a chop and a pint of ale was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span> their fare, and
+good-fellowship atoned for lack of funds. The Brothers Brough, Andrew
+Halliday, Tom Robertson, and other clever men were the original Savages,
+and the latter in one of his charming pieces made capital out of an
+incident at the Club. One member asks another for a few shillings. "Very
+sorry, old chap, I haven't got it, but I'll ask Smith." Smith replies,
+"Not a cent myself, but I'll ask Brown." Brown asks Robinson, and so on
+until a Cr&oelig;sus is found with five shillings in his pocket, which he
+is only too willing to lend. But this true Bohemianism is as dead as
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img042.jpg" width="200" height="333" alt="THE EARL OF DUNRAVEN AS A SAVAGE." title="THE EARL OF DUNRAVEN AS A SAVAGE." /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 200px; ">THE EARL OF DUNRAVEN AS<br />
+A SAVAGE.</span>
+
+Queen Anne, and the Savages now live merely on the traditions of the
+past. His Majesty the King, when Prince of Wales, was a member of the
+Club, and an Earl takes the chair and entertains my Lord Mayor with his
+flunkeys and all. The Club is now as much advertised as the Imperial
+Institute, but the true old flavour is no more. No doubt some excellent
+men and good fellows are still in the Savage wigwam. Some Bohemians&mdash;a
+sprinkling of those Micawbers, "waiting for something to turn up"&mdash;keep
+up its reputation, but in reality it is only Savage now in name.</p>
+
+<p>I was not thirty when I ceased to be a member. I had been on the
+committee, and had taken an active part in matters concerning it, until
+it changed its character and lost its true Bohemian individuality, and
+being a member of the Garrick Club, I found matured in it the element
+the Savage endeavoured at that time to emulate. Although I am still in
+my forties, few of those with whom I smoked the calumet of peace round
+the camp fire at a great pow-wow in the wigwam of the excellent Savages,
+alas! remain.</p>
+
+<p>The old Grecian Theatre in the City Road was the nursery of many members
+of the theatrical profession, and authors too. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span> Two well-known
+members of the Savage Club, Merritt and Pettitt, were writers of the
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img043a.jpg" width="200" height="450" alt="ANOTHER GAP IN OUR RANKS." title="ANOTHER GAP IN OUR RANKS." /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 200px; ">ANOTHER GAP IN OUR<br />
+RANKS.</span>
+
+common stuff necessary for the melodramas of the kind connected with
+their names. Merritt would have made an equal fortune if exhibited as
+the original fat boy in "Pickwick," or as a prize baby at a show. I
+suppose my readers are aware that it is not necessary to be a baby in
+order to be exhibited as one, for I recollect, in my Bohemian days,
+going down to Woolwich Gardens when the famous William Holland was
+manager of them, and accidentally strolling into a tent outside of which
+was a placard, "The Largest Baby in the World! 6d." I was not
+expected,&mdash;and the "Baby" was walking about in his baby-clothes, with
+little pink bows on his shoulders, smoking a horrible black clay pipe.
+He was the dwarf policeman in Holland's pantomime in the winter-time!</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img043b.jpg" width="250" height="344" alt="JOPE." title="JOPE." />
+<span class="caption">JOPE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Merritt would have made a capital prize baby. He was tall, very stout,
+and possessed of a perfectly hairless, baby's face and a squeaky little
+voice. I shall never forget a prize remark this transpontine author made
+in the Savage Club, when an editor rushed in and said, "Have you heard
+the news? Carlyle is dead!" Merritt rose, and putting his hand on his
+chest, squeaked out, "Another gap in our ranks!"</p>
+
+<p>A peculiar figure in Bohemia in those old days was "J." Pope, known as
+"Jope," brother of the late celebrated K.C. Jo was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span> nearly as
+large as his brother, the well-known legal luminary, and Paul Merritt
+rolled into one, and wore his black wide-awake on the back of his
+pleasing, intelligent head. I saw him one sultry autumn evening leaning
+against a lamp-post in Chancery Lane to take breath.</p>
+
+<p>"Hullo, Pope, where are you going?"</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 200px; ">
+<img src="images/img044.jpg" width="200" height="566" alt="H. J. BYRON." title="H. J. BYRON." />
+<span class="caption">H. J. BYRON.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"My dear boy, let me lean on you a minute. I'm going up to the
+Birkbeck&mdash;to lecture&mdash;to lecture on 'Air, and How We Breathe!'"</p>
+
+<p>As a contrast to the popular Doctor was a wit more popularly known, H. J.
+Byron&mdash;as thin as the proverbial lamp-post. Of course the stories about
+Byron would fill a volume, but there is one that is always worth
+repeating, and that is his reply to a vulgar and obtrusive stranger who
+met him at Plymouth, and said to him, "Mr. Byron, I've 'ad a walk <i>h</i>all
+round the 'Oe."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, old chap, and the next time you have a walk I advise you to walk
+all round the H."</p>
+
+<p>In those merry gatherings I recall the familiar features of true
+Bohemians, when Bohemianism was at its best&mdash;not the ornamental names of
+those one finds mentioned in all reports of the famous gatherings, but
+of the members who really used and made the Club. Few of the outside
+public recollect, for instance, the name of Arthur Mathieson, who wrote
+and sang that pathetic ballad, "The Little Hero"; who also was an actor
+and writer of ability,&mdash;in fact, he was what is fatal to men of his
+class&mdash;a veritable Crichton. Being in appearance not unlike Sir Henry
+Irving, he was engaged by our leading actor to play his double in "The
+Corsican Brothers," and made up so like his chief that no one could
+possibly tell the difference between the two. One evening during the run
+of the piece an old Irishwoman who was duster of the theatre, and with
+whom <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span> the genial double of Sir Henry often had a friendly word,
+approached as she thought the familiar M., and in a rather frivolous
+mood innocently tickled the actor under the chin with her dusting-broom.</p>
+
+<p>"My good woman, what do you mean?"</p>
+
+<p>The poor Irishwoman dropped on her knees, clasped her hands and said,
+"The Saints protect me! it's the Masther himself&mdash;I'm kilt entoirely."</p>
+
+<p>The "Masther," however, probably enjoyed the humour of it. Sir Henry,
+like his dear old friend Mr. J. L. Toole, has found a relief in
+occasional harmless fun. Toole, however, was irrepressible.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 260px; ">
+<img src="images/img045.jpg" width="260" height="316" alt="A PRESENTATION." title="A PRESENTATION." />
+<span class="caption">A PRESENTATION.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I was one day walking with him in Leeds (when he was appearing in the
+evening on the stage, and I on the platform). A street hawker proffered
+the comedian a metal pencil-case for the sum of a halfpenny. Toole made
+this valuable purchase. As soon as I left the platform that night, I
+found a note for me, inviting me to the theatre directly after the
+performance. Toole came back on to the stage, and making me an elaborate
+and complimentary speech, referring to me as "a brother artist in
+another sphere," etc., etc., presented me with the pencil! I made an
+appropriate reply, and we went to supper.</p>
+
+<p>The following paragraph from the pen of Mr. Toole appeared in the Press
+the next day in London as well as the provinces:</p>
+
+<p>"Brother artists, even when working in different grooves, do not lack
+appreciation of each other's work. After Mr. Harry Furniss's lecture in
+Leeds the other night, he and Mr. Toole foregathered; and the popular
+and genial actor presented the 'comedian of the pencil' with a very neat
+and handsome pencil-case, just adapted for the jotting down, wherever
+duty takes him, of those graphic sketches with which the caricaturist
+amuses us week by week."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>I must confess I am sometimes guilty of mild practical jokes, but I am
+always careful to select reciprocative and kindred spirits&mdash;with such a
+spirit of practical joking as J. L. Toole, for instance. He and I have
+had many a joke at each other's expense. It so happened that when he was
+producing the great success, "The House Boat," he wintered at Hastings,
+where I had a house for the season, and we saw a great deal of each
+other. Toole was always what is called a bad study&mdash;that is, it was with
+great difficulty and pain he learnt his parts. On this occasion the time
+was drawing nearer and nearer for the production; he was getting more
+and more nervous about his new part, and I received a visit from his
+friend the late Edmund Routledge, asking me to protect "Johnny" from his
+friends&mdash;in other words, to keep his whereabouts dark, as he had to
+study. Toole had had one or two little practical jokes with me, which I
+owed him for, so having to rush up to town, I had the following letter
+written to him:</p>
+
+<p class="ind"><span class="smcap">"Dear Mr. Toole</span>,&mdash;I suppose you recollect your old friends in Smoketown
+when you performed one night at our Hall and did us the honour of
+stopping at our house over Sunday. You then kindly asked us all to stop
+with you when we went to London&mdash;a promise we have treasured ever since.
+We called at Maida Vale yesterday, but finding you were at Hastings I
+write now to say that we are on our way. Besides myself I am bringing
+dear Aunt Jane you will remember&mdash;now unfortunately a confirmed
+invalid&mdash;and my boy Tom who has got a bad leg, and Uncle William and his
+three daughters, and my dear Sue, who, I am sorry to say, is still
+suffering, but I think a week at Hastings will do us all a world of
+good&mdash;particularly to have you to amuse us all the time.</p>
+
+<p class="center"><span style="margin-left: 8em;">"Yours very truly,"</span></p>
+
+<p>And a signature was attached which I could not myself read.</p>
+
+<p>The next day in London a hansom pulled up close to where I was walking,
+and a friend of Toole's jumped out, and, seizing my hand, he said, "I
+say, Furniss, you travel about a lot, lecturing and all that kind of
+thing&mdash;do you know Smoketown?"</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 420px; ">
+<img src="images/img047a.jpg" width="420" height="610" alt="SAVAGE CLUB." title="SAVAGE CLUB." />
+</div>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 420px; ">
+<img src="images/img047b.jpg" width="417" height="611" alt="SAVAGE CLUB." title="SAVAGE CLUB." />
+</div>
+
+<div style="clear: both; text-align: center">
+<span class="caption">SAVAGE CLUB.<br />
+MY DESIGN FOR THE MENU 25TH ANNIVERSARY DINNER.<br />
+<i>The Original Drawing was by request presented to His Royal Highness</i>.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Smoketown!" I said, "Smoketown!" (Truth to tell, at the moment I had
+quite forgotten all about my letter to Toole; then it dawned upon me.)
+"Oh, yes&mdash;well," I said; "I had one night there, and some frightful
+friends of Toole's bored my life out. He had invited them, I believe, to
+stop with him in London, and they&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Just the people I want. What's their name?"</p>
+
+<p>"I forget that entirely."</p>
+
+<p>"Can you read this?" he said, producing my letter.</p>
+
+<p>"No," I said; "I can't read that signature."</p>
+
+<p>"Do you know where they are likely to put up in town?"</p>
+
+<p>"Not the slightest idea."</p>
+
+<p>"I've tried every hotel in London."</p>
+
+<p>"Temperance?" I asked.</p>
+
+<p>"No, not one. Happy thought!&mdash;of course that is where they'll be."</p>
+
+<p>"Try them all," I said, as I waved my hand. And off the cab rushed to
+visit the various temperance hotels in London.</p>
+
+<p>The next day I returned to Hastings, and went straight to Mr. Toole's
+hotel. Getting the hall porter into my confidence, he sent up a message
+to Mr. Toole that a gentleman with a large family had arrived to see
+him; and the porter and I made the noise of ten up the stairs, and
+eventually the gentleman and family were announced at Toole's door. I
+shall never forget poor Toole, standing in an attitude so familiar to
+the British public, with his eye-glass in his hand and his eyes cast on
+the ground&mdash;he was afraid to raise them. As soon as he did, however, his
+other hand caught the first book that was handy, and it was flung at my
+head.</p>
+
+<p>Bohemianism, when I arrived in London, was emigrating from the tavern of
+sanded floors and clay pipes into Clubland. Artists, authors, actors,
+and journalists were starting clubs of their own, simply to continue the
+same pot-house life without restraint; in place of turning the
+public-house into a club, they turned the club into a public-house. If
+journalists in Grub Street were at their worst in those days, artists
+were at their best. The great boom in trade which followed the
+Franco-German War produced <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span> a wave of extraordinary prosperity,
+which landed many a tramp struggling in troubled waters safely on the
+beach of fortune. Working men in the North were drinking champagne; some
+of them rose to be masters and millionaires. They tired of drinking
+champagne, they could not play the pianos they had bought, or enjoy the
+mansions they had built; but they could rival each other in covering
+their walls with pictures, so the poorest "pot-boiler" found a ready
+sale. The most indifferent daubs were sold as quickly as they could be
+framed. Artists then built their mansions, drank champagne, and played
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img050.jpg" width="350" height="353" alt="" title="" /></span>
+
+on their grand pianos. When I, still in my teens, first met these good
+fellows, I might have been tempted, seeing what wretched work satisfied
+the picture-dealer, to abandon black and white for colour; but already
+the boom was over. Artists, like their patrons, had found out their
+mistake. They had either to let or sell their costly houses, and have,
+with few exceptions, little to show now for those wonderful days of
+prosperity in the early seventies&mdash;which they still talk over in their
+clubs in Bohemia.</p>
+
+<p>The few exceptions are the survival of the fittest. But the best of
+artists have never seen such a boom in art as that I saw in my early
+days in London. It cannot be denied that, from a fashionable point of
+view, picture shows are going down. Artists have had to stand on one
+side as popular Society favourites: the actors have taken their place.
+One has only to visit the studios on "Show Sundays" to see what a
+falling off there is. "Show Sunday" was, some years ago, one of the
+events of the year. From Kensington to St. John's Wood, and up to
+Hampstead, the studios of the mighty attracted hosts of fashionable
+people to these annual gatherings.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>A familiar figure at these for many years was the genial Sir Spencer
+Wells, the well-known surgeon. He lived monarch of all he surveyed at
+Golder's Hill, Hampstead, and many a morning I met him when riding, and
+we jogged into town together. He was a capital <i>raconteur</i>, a happy wit,
+and told one incident I always recall to mind as I pass a house on the
+top of Fitzjohn's Avenue, where a few years ago lived, painted and
+"received" that Wilson Barrett of the brush, Edwin Long, R.A., a
+hard-working, self-made artist who amassed a fortune by successfully
+gauging the taste of the large middle-class English public in mixing
+religion with voluptuous melodrama. On the annual "Show Sunday" no
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img051.jpg" width="450" height="344" alt="" title="" /></span>
+
+studio was more popular than Long's. His subjects perhaps had something
+to do with it. They were in keeping with the Sabbath. The work too was
+as smooth and as highly finished as the most orthodox sermon. <i>Ars longa
+est.</i> Yes, said some cynic, but art is not Long. But anyway Long's art
+was commercially successful, and he was what is known as "a good
+business man."</p>
+
+<p>As haberdashers in the days of crude advertising used to place men in
+costume at the shop door&mdash;a fireman when they were selling off a damaged
+salvage stock, or a sailor or, if a <i>very</i> enterprising tradesman, a
+diver, helmet and all, when selling off goods damaged from a wreck&mdash;so
+did this Academician, when exhibiting Biblical subjects on "Show
+Sunday," engage a Nubian model to stand at the door of his shop. This
+man had also to announce the names of the guests, and when the small,
+spectacled, simple man with the large smile gave his name, Sir Spencer
+Wells, the model pulled himself up to his full height and in his best
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span> English proudly and loudly announced to the crowd in the
+studio&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"The Prince of Wales!"</p>
+
+<p>The effect was magical: all fell in line, ladies curtseyed, men bowed,
+when the Prince of Hampstead Heath entered. The artist looked as black
+as his model, and the visitors laughed.</p>
+
+<p>At the other end of Fitzjohn's Avenue once lived that ever popular
+Academician, the late Mr. John Pettie. Mr. Pettie was a vigorous
+draughtsman and a beautiful colourist, and many of his portraits are
+very fine. He seemed to revel in painting a red coat&mdash;an object to many
+painters as maddening as it is to the infuriated bull. On one "Show
+Sunday" before the sending-in day of the Royal Academy, at which he
+exhibited, I recollect admiring a portrait of Mr. Lamb, the celebrated
+golfer, in his red coat, when the original of the portrait came into the
+studio. Not feeling very well, Mr. Pettie had to avoid the crowd of his
+admirers seeing him. There were a few exceptions, of which I was one. I
+had just left him when I saw Mr. Lamb before his picture. In this
+portrait the "bulger" golf club&mdash;which Mr. Lamb, I believe, invented, to
+the delight of the golfing world&mdash;is introduced. I ran back to Mr.
+Pettie and told him that there was a stupid man in the studio wanting to
+know why artists always draw golf clubs wrongly; that as a Scotchman he
+must protest against such a club, which was out of shape, like a club
+foot. "Tell him, mon, it's a bulger&mdash;Lamb's invention!" I returned. "He
+wants to know who Mr. Lamb is, and what is a bulger?&mdash;perhaps it's a new
+kind of hunting-crop and not a golf club at all?" In rushed Mr. Pettie,
+like an enraged lion, to slay the ignorant visitor, but in reality to
+shake hands with Mr. Lamb and explain my childish joke.</p>
+
+<p>Leaving Pettie, I called at a studio near Hampstead occupied by a very
+clever Irish artist, who was very much depressed when I entered. Gazing
+in bewilderment at his picture for the Academy, representing Milton with
+his daughters in his garden at Chalfont St. Giles, he said&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Furniss, I'm in an awful state entoirely over this picture. One of
+those critic fellows has been in here, and he tells me this <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span> picture won't do at all at all. I've
+painted in Milton's garden as I've seen it, but the critic tells me that
+these are all modern flowers and weren't known in the country in the
+poet's time. Now, what on earth am Oi to do?"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, don't bother about those critics," I said. "They know nothing.
+Milton was blind, don't you know, so how could he tell whether the
+flowers were correct or not?"</p>
+
+<p>"Begorrah, Furniss, you're right. Oi never thought of that. It's just
+like those ignorant critic chaps to upset a fellow in this way."</p>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2>
+
+<h3>MY CONFESSIONS AS A SPECIAL ARTIST.</h3>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; ">
+<img src="images/img054.jpg" width="600" height="377" alt="DISTRESS IN THE BLACK COUNTRY." title="DISTRESS IN THE BLACK COUNTRY." />
+<span class="caption">DISTRESS IN THE BLACK COUNTRY.<br />
+<i>Acting as Special Artist for The Illustrated London News</i>.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in">The Light Brigade&mdash;Miss Thompson (Lady Butler)&mdash;Slumming&mdash;The Boat
+Race&mdash;Realism&mdash;A Phantasmagoria&mdash;Orlando and the Caitiff&mdash;Fancy Dress
+Balls&mdash;Lewis Wingfield&mdash;Cinderella&mdash;A Model&mdash;All Night Sitting&mdash;An
+Impromptu Easel&mdash;"Where there's a Will there's a Way"&mdash;The American
+Sunday Papers&mdash;I am Deaf&mdash;The Grill&mdash;The World's
+Fair&mdash;Exaggeration&mdash;Personally Conducted&mdash;The Charnel House&mdash;10, Downing
+Street&mdash;I attend a Cabinet Council&mdash;An Illustration by Mr.
+Labouchere&mdash;The Great Lincolnshire Trial&mdash;Praying without Prejudice<br /><br /></p></div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; ">
+<img src="images/img055.jpg" width="600" height="405" alt="AT THE OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE BOAT RACE." title="AT THE OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE BOAT RACE." />
+<span class="caption">AT THE OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE BOAT RACE. (<i>Reduction of Large Drawing</i>.)</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Sir William Russell and I were called upon at a banquet in the City to
+respond to the toast of the Press. Sir William made one of his
+characteristic, graceful little speeches, reminiscential and modest.
+When I rose I was for a moment also reminiscential&mdash;but not modest. "My
+Lord Mayor, Sheriffs, and Masters of this Worshipful Company,&mdash;I
+appreciate the appropriateness in coupling my name with that of Sir
+William Russell, for both of us have made a noise in the world at the
+same time&mdash;Dr. Russell with his first war letters to the <i>Times</i>, and I
+in my cradle, for I came into this troubled world while others in arms
+were making a noise in the Crimea."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px; ">
+<img src="images/img057.jpg" width="550" height="456" alt="AS SPECIAL AT THE BALACLAVA CELEBRATION." title="AS SPECIAL AT THE BALACLAVA CELEBRATION." />
+<span class="caption">AS SPECIAL AT THE BALACLAVA CELEBRATION.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Naturally for this reason I have always taken an interest in the doings
+of that time; so it was quite <i>con amore</i> that I acted as "special" at
+the first Balaclava Celebration Banquet (1875), twenty years after
+"Billy" Russell's first war letters and my first birthday.</p>
+
+<p>The roll-call on the occasion was funny, seeing that it was that of the
+"Light Brigade"&mdash;some were "light" and many were heavy&mdash;one I recollect
+was about eighteen stone. The <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span>banquet was held in the Alexandra
+Palace, Muswell Hill. The visitors, except the military&mdash;past or
+present&mdash;were shamefully treated. We had to stand all the time behind
+the chairs and wearily watch a scene not altogether elevating to
+lookers-on. We were not allowed a chair to sit on, nor any refreshment
+of any kind&mdash;not even if we paid for it; and I well recollect how hungry
+I was when I returned to my studio after a tedious journey at 1 in the
+morning, having had nothing to eat since 1 of the previous day. Such Red
+Tape was, I suppose, to illustrate the disgraceful arrangements of the
+commissariat in the Crimea! I was standing close to Miss Thompson (Lady
+Butler), who had just become famous by her picture "The Roll Call." She
+was making notes, and possibly intended painting a sequel to her
+celebrated picture. She was exhausted and tired, and no doubt too
+disgusted by such ungallant conduct on the part of the organisers of the
+banquet to touch the subject. Had she painted this particular roll-call
+I fear many of the figures would have had to be drawn out of the
+perpendicular.</p>
+
+<p>Twenty years before one of the heroes was, possibly, a better and a
+wiser man, and tackled the "Rooshins" with greater dexterity than he
+displayed on this occasion in managing a jelly. He had waiters to right
+of him, waiters to left of him, and waiters behind him, but that jelly
+defeated him, although he charged it with fork, spoon, and finally with
+fingers.</p>
+
+<p>From a very early age it was naturally my ambition to be introduced to
+Mr. Punch, but this was not to be just yet, and the first London paper
+for which I drew regularly was the <i>Illustrated Sporting and Dramatic
+News</i>, which was started soon after I arrived in London. I continued to
+work for it until it was bought by the proprietor of the <i>Illustrated
+London News</i>, when I became a large contributor to that leading
+illustrated paper.</p>
+
+<p>Most of my work for the <i>Illustrated London News</i> consisted of single
+and double pages of character sketches, in which Eton and Harrow cricket
+matches, Oxford and Cambridge boat races, tennis meetings, the Lawn at
+Goodwood, and many other scenes <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>of English life were treated
+pictorially; but I also acted sometimes in the capacity of a special
+correspondent, and this duty sometimes took me into places far from
+pleasant.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; ">
+<img src="images/img059.jpg" width="600" height="433" alt="DISTRESS IN THE NORTH." title="DISTRESS IN THE NORTH." />
+<span class="caption">DISTRESS IN THE NORTH.<br />
+<i>Page (reduction), "Illustrated London News." Republished by permission of the proprietors</i>.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>On my twenty-fourth Christmas, the year after I was married, I recollect
+having to start off upon such a mission to the North of England, where,
+owing to strikes and labour disputes, most distressing scenes were
+taking place. Throwing myself into the work, I thoroughly ferreted out
+the distress which prevailed, pursuing my investigations into the very
+garrets of the poor starving creatures whose privacy I thus disturbed at
+the entreaty and under the escort of the district visitors and other
+benevolent people, whilst the criminal classes also came in for a share
+of my observation, which in this case was conducted under the sheltering
+wing of a detective.</p>
+
+<p>I cannot, however, say that my energy met with its due reward, for such
+was the realism with which I had treated the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span>subject allotted to
+me that the editor and proprietors of the <i>Illustrated London News</i> were
+reluctant to shock the susceptibilities of their readers by presenting
+them with such scenes, and I had to substitute for them sketches of soup
+kitchens, committee meetings and refuges. That the editorial decision
+was not a sound one was amply proved a few years later, when during a
+somewhat similar crisis Mr. G. R. Sims and the late Mr. Fred Barnard
+published work of a similar breadth and boldness with signal effect.</p>
+
+<p>Visiting slums, seeing death from want and misery on all sides, is
+certainly not the most pleasant way of spending the festive season. In
+company with detectives, clergymen, or self-sacrificing district
+visitors, you may swallow the pill with the silver on; but try it
+single-handed, and it is a very different affair. I was taken for some
+demon rent-collector prowling about, and was peered at through broken
+windows and doors, and received with language warm enough to thaw the
+icicles. The sketches I made during the weeks I spent in the haunts of
+want and misery would have made a startling volume, but time and money
+were thrown away, and only the perfunctory pictures were published. The
+public have no idea, or seldom think, of the great trouble and expense
+incurred in faithfully depicting everyday scenes. Still, it is not
+possible for a "special" even to see everything, or to be in two places
+simultaneously; and consequently, in ordinary pictorial representations,
+dummy figures are frequently looked upon as true portraits. One boat
+race, for example, is very much like another. Some years ago I executed
+a panoramic series of sketches of the University Race from start to
+finish, and as they were urgently wanted, the drawings had to be sent in
+the same day. Early in the morning, before the break of fast, I found
+myself at Putney, rowing up to Mortlake, taking notes of the different
+points on the way&mdash;local colour through a fog. Getting home before the
+Londoners started for the scene, I was at work, and the drawings&mdash;minus
+the boats&mdash;were sent in shortly after the news of the race. The figures
+were imaginary and unimportant, but one correspondent wrote to point out
+the exact spot where he stood, and complained <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span>of my leaving out
+the black band on his white hat, and placing him too near a pretty girl,
+adding that his wife, who had not been present, had recognised his
+portrait.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, I must confess, one has often to draw upon the imagination even in
+serious "realism," Some years ago I went with a colleague of the pen to
+illustrate and describe the dreadful scenes which were said to take
+place in St. James's Park, where the poor people were seen to sleep all
+night on the seats. We arrived about 2 <span class="smcap">a.m.</span> It was a beautiful moonlight
+night, but though we walked up and down for hours not a soul came in
+sight. My companion said, "It's a bad business; we cannot do anything
+with this." I replied, "We must not go away without something to show;
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img061.jpg" width="300" height="232" alt="REALISM!" title="REALISM!" /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 300px; ">REALISM!</span>
+
+now if you will lie down I will make a sketch of you, and then I will
+lie down and you can describe me."</p>
+
+<p>One of the most "uncanny" experiences I ever had as a "special" I find
+graphically described by the late Hon. Lewis Wingfield, who accompanied
+me on the strange mission.</p>
+
+<p>"Winter without. Snow. A sea of billows drifting across the sky,
+glittering, frosted&mdash;a symphony in metals&mdash;silver, aluminium,
+lead&mdash;rendered buoyant for the nonce, ethereal&mdash;as though the world were
+really gone Christmas mad, and, having a sudden attack of topsy-turvydom
+in its inside, had taken to showering its treasures about the firmament,
+instead of keeping them snugly put away in mines below ground. A sheet
+of snow, and bitter white rain driving still. A huge building looming
+black, its many eyes staring into the dark&mdash;lidless, bilious, vacant.
+This is a hospital. Or is it a factory, disguised with a veneer of the
+Puginesque? Or an æsthetic barrack? Or an artistic workhouse? Visible
+yet, under falling snow which has not had time to cover them, are
+flower-beds, shrub-plots, meandering walks. Too genteel and ambitious
+for the most æsthetic of workhouses or advanced of hospitals, we <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span> wonder what the building is; and our
+wonder is not decreased by seeing a postern opened in a huge black wall,
+from which a handful of conspirators creep silently. We rub our eyes.
+Are we dreaming? Is this, or is it not, the age of scientific marvels,
+levelling of castes, rampant communism, murder, agrarian outrage, sudden
+massacre?&mdash;the <i>olla podrida</i> which we are pleased to denominate
+enlightenment? That first black figure is James the Second. Heavens! The
+Jacobites live yet, and will join, doubtless, with the Fenians and Mr.
+Bradlaugh, and a <i>posse comitatus</i> of iconoclasts, to upset the reign of
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img062.jpg" width="350" height="408" alt="THE CAITIFF AND ORLANDO." title="THE CAITIFF AND ORLANDO." /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 350px; ">"THE CAITIFF" AND ORLANDO.</span>
+
+order, and add a thorn to the chaplet of our hard-run Premier. James the
+Second. Not a doubt of it. There he is&mdash;periwig, black velvet, and
+bugles. Where, oh where, is the Great Seal, with which he played ducks
+and drakes in the Thames? Yet no. This is no Jacobite plot, for His
+Majesty is followed by no troop of partisans on tiptoe in hose and
+doublet. He is not seeking to win his own again. A woodman trudges
+behind&mdash;we recognise him, for his name's "Orlando"&mdash;(Wingfield himself,
+in a beautiful costume, which he had made two years previously when
+playing the part of Orlando in a production of "As You Like It" in
+Manchester, the Calvert Memorial performance; Miss Helen Faucit (Lady
+Martin), Rosalind; Herman Merivale, Touchstone; Tom Taylor, Adam; and
+other well-known celebrities assisting). Then he describes me: "A
+muffled creature of sinister aspect. Short, auburn-locked, extinguished
+by a portentous hat, tripping and stumbling over a cloak, or robe, in
+whose dragging folds he conceals his identity as well as his power of
+volition, a weird and gruesome phantom. What&mdash;oh <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span>what&mdash;is this
+hovering ghost? He must be just defunct, for the purgatorial garments
+fit him not, he stumbles at every step, and when he trips an underdress
+is unveiled that's like a City waiter's. What is he&mdash;the arch
+conspirator&mdash;doing himself? He starts, tries to conceal a book, but we
+snatch it from him. Sketches! lots of sketches! caricatures, low and
+vulgar portraits of ourselves! 'What are you?' we scream, 'and why this
+orgy? Speak, caitiff, or for ever hold your peace!'</p>
+
+<p>"Perceiving that we are in earnest and not to be trifled with, and glare
+with forbidding mien, the caitiff speaks in trembling accents. 'If you
+please,' he says, 'I'm the artist from the great illustrated journal;
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img063.jpg" width="300" height="162" alt="" title="" /></span>
+
+I'm drawing pictures of the lunatics. My disguise is beyond my own
+control, and trips me up, but I'm told it's becoming.' 'Lunatics!' we
+echo.</p>
+
+<p>"'Yes,' the caitiff murmurs. 'This is the annual fancy dress ball at
+Brookwood Asylum. You and I and the doctors and attendants are the only
+sane people in the place. By-and-by the country gentry will be admitted,
+and then the tangle will be hopeless, for even in everyday life it's
+impossible to know who's mad and who isn't. How much more here?'</p>
+
+<p>"We left the trembling caitiff to his secret sketching, and the
+despondency produced by his appearance. He was sane, was he? Then in him
+were we revenged on human nature, for sure never was mortal more
+oppressed by his gear and his surroundings."</p>
+
+<p>The fact is that my editor, in sending his "young man," omitted to say
+that the invitation was crossed with "fancy dress only," so I arrived in
+ordinary war-paint. The Doctor was horrified. "This will never do. My
+patients will resent it. You <i>must</i> be in fancy dress." All my host
+could find was a seedy red curtain and an old cocked hat (had it been a
+nightcap I should have been complete as Caudle). I wrapped this martial
+cloak around me, and soon found myself in the most extraordinary scene,
+so graphically described by Wingfield. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span>He was not alone in his
+scorn for me. The "Duke of York" had a great contempt for my appearance,
+but when introduced to him as His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales, he
+unbent, waved his bauble, and commanded me to be seated. The visitors
+eyed me suspiciously all the evening, and on my entering the
+supper-room, accompanied by the Doctor, they were seized with the idea
+that I must be a very dangerous case, and readily made room&mdash;in fact,
+made off. One of the poor patients was an artist, and showed me his
+sketch-book, the work of many, many months&mdash;a number of drawings in
+colour, stuck one on top of the other, resembling an elongated
+concertina, so that only the corners of the pages could be seen. The
+patients wore costumes designed and made by themselves, in marked
+contrast to their stylish keepers. Among the guests the county families
+were well represented, and garrison officers from a neighbouring depôt
+formed a motley group which a looker-on, viewing the scene as in a
+kaleidoscope, would laugh at. One turn, and the next moment some
+incident might occur which an imaginative brain could easily work into a
+romance too touching to relate.</p>
+
+<p>For some years I had quite a run of fancy dress balls, a craze at that
+time, acting as special artist for various periodicals, the <i>Illustrated
+London News</i> in particular. The ball above recorded was unique, but
+there is very little variety in such gatherings, where variety is the
+one thing aimed at, thus showing the limit of our English artistic
+invention. The ingredients of a ball of three hundred, say, would be as
+follows,&mdash;Thirty Marie Stuarts, ten Marguerites, twenty-eight Fausts,
+fifty Flower Girls, nine Portias, three Clowns, sixteen Matadores,
+thirty Sailors, twenty-five Ophelias, twenty-five Desdemonas, the
+remainder uniforms and nondescripts. Of course any popular figure,
+picture or play of the moment will be represented. When the relief of
+Mafeking took place, the number of Baden-Powells, tall, short, young,
+old, thin and stout, in the various fancy balls and bazaars appearing
+will be, as newspaper leader-writers say, "a fact fresh in the mind of
+the reader." Some years ago a portrait of the "missing Gainsborough," a
+picture of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span>the Duchess of Devonshire, which mysteriously
+vanished from Agnew's gallery in Bond Street, was represented in dozens
+at the fancy balls of the period, and the Gilbert-Sullivan opera
+"Patience," supplied many a costume. My brother "special" on this
+occasion&mdash;Lewis Wingfield&mdash;was a Crichton of eccentricity. The son of an
+Irish peer, an officer in the Guards, he dressed as a ballet-girl and
+danced on the stage; was a journalist and wrote for Charles Dickens when
+that great novelist edited <i>Household Words</i>. Wingfield never did
+anything by halves, so in writing a series of articles for Dickens on
+the casual wards of London he personated a street photographer (having
+delicate hands he could not pretend to be a labourer), and wrote his
+experiences of the dreadful state of affairs existing in those days
+under the rule of Bumbledom. The last he sought relief at was situated
+close to Golden Square. Here he was very harshly treated, and when he
+left he rapidly changed into his usual clothes, drove up to the
+establishment as one of the life patrons (all his family had for years
+supported the charity), and had the satisfaction of dismissing the
+overbearing overseer, to the wretch's chagrin. Wingfield related this
+incident with great glee.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; ">
+<img src="images/img065.jpg" width="600" height="350" alt="AT A FANCY DRESS BALL." title="AT A FANCY DRESS BALL." />
+<span class="caption">AT A FANCY DRESS BALL.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Anxious to find out the amount niggers made on the Derby Day, he decided
+to go as a burnt-cork nigger himself; but it is impossible to do this
+unless you are of that ilk, for like the business of the beggars and
+street performers, everything is properly organised; there is a proper
+system and superintendent to arrange matters. After some difficulty he
+managed to get introduced as the genuine article, and at 4 in the
+morning had to stand with the other Ethiopian minstrels at "Poverty
+Junction," between Waterloo Bridge and Waterloo Station, while lots were
+drawn for positions on the course. As luck would have it, Wingfield drew
+a pitch opposite the Grand Stand, where at least he would be among his
+own acquaintances. All the niggers had to walk to Epsom, unless it
+happened some friendly carter could be induced to offer a seat. Had
+four-in-hands come along Wingfield might have been saved a walk, but
+costers were to him unknown. By lunch-time he was heartily sick of his
+new life. However, he was determined to carry it through. In the
+evening, after his long, hot day's work, he found he had to wait for the
+policeman's train. After the half-million people had returned to London,
+he was allowed to crawl into a carriage, and being thoroughly tired he
+fell asleep in a corner of the compartment. But the police wanted some
+entertainment, and waking him up, said:</p>
+
+<p>"Now then, darky, tune up! we can pay you as well as the toffs; let's
+have a song!" They had a concert all the way, Wingfield singing the
+solos. The hat was sent round and a collection made, and to the bitter
+end Wingfield had to bang away at his banjo and squeak with what little
+voice he had left. This nearly finished him. Arriving at Victoria, he
+hailed a hansom. One driver after another eyed him scornfully and passed
+on. He then for the first time realised that it is not a customary thing
+for an itinerant nigger to drive about London in hansoms, even on Derby
+Day. So he dragged himself wearily along the streets until he happened
+to meet an intimate friend. To him he explained matters, and his friend
+called a hansom for him and paid the driver as well before he would take
+up his dusky fare. He thought the fact of his driving a street nigger
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span>a great joke, and made merry over his passenger as he passed the
+other drivers. But he was very much astonished when he drove up in front
+of quite an imposing dwelling and saw the door opened by a footman as
+the nigger toiled up the steps.</p>
+
+<p>As an artist Wingfield was ambitious. Finding, as he told me, that he
+could never be a great artist, he preferred not to be one at all. On his
+walls were large classic paintings, not likely ever to find their way to
+the walls of anyone else. But he tried his hand at popular art as well.
+A scene in a circus, for instance, was one subject. A pretty little
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img067.jpg" width="200" height="343" alt="LEWIS WINGFIELD AS A STREET NIGGER" title="LEWIS WINGFIELD AS A STREET NIGGER" /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 200px; ">LEWIS WINGFIELD AS<br />
+A STREET NIGGER HOME<br />
+FROM THE DERBY.</span>
+
+child was engaged to sit in his studio, but as that day he was going to
+Hengler's Circus to paint the background he, to the delight of the
+child, took her with him. The little girl played about in the ring, and
+was noticed by Mr. Hengler, who asked her if she would like to be
+dressed up and play in the same ring at night. This led to the child
+becoming a professional. She enchanted everyone as Cinderella. Her name
+was Connie Gilchrist. I fell in love with her myself when I was in my
+teens and first saw her as Cinderella. Afterwards when I came to London
+I was as ignorant as a Lord Chief Justice as to who Connie Gilchrist
+was; but I recollect a model sitting to me recommending my writing to
+her younger sister for some figures she thought her sister would suit.
+The day was fixed, but by the morning's post I received a letter from
+the young lady to say that Mr. Hollingshead, of the Gaiety Theatre, had
+sent for her, and she could not sit to me. She was Connie Gilchrist, and
+I believe this was the last engagement she had accepted as a
+professional model.</p>
+
+<p>Telegram from the editor of the <i>Illustrated London News</i>:&mdash;"Election,
+Liverpool, see to it at once." So I did. On arriving in the evening, I
+rushed off to a "ward meeting," To my surprise the artist of a rival
+paper sat down beside me. He did not frighten me away, but candidly
+confessed that he had seen a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span> private telegram of mine saying I
+was starting, and his editor packed him off by the same train. Ha! I
+must be equal to him! I sat up all night and drew a page on wood, ready
+for engraving, and sent it off by the first train in the morning. It was
+in the press before my rival's rough notes left Liverpool. One would
+hardly think, to see candles stuck in my boots, that the hotel was the
+Old Adelphi. I trust the "special" of the future will find the electric
+light, or a better supply of bedroom candlesticks. All day again
+sketching, and all night hard at work, burning the midnight oil (I was
+nearly writing boots). A slice of luck kept me awake in the early
+morning. A knock at my door, and to my surprise a friend walked in who
+had come down by a night train for a "daily" and seeing my name in the
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img068.jpg" width="300" height="269" alt="AN ALL-NIGHT SITTING." title="AN ALL-NIGHT SITTING." /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 300px; ">AN ALL-NIGHT SITTING.</span>
+
+visitors' book had looked me up, thinking I could give him some "tips."
+"All right," I said; "a bargain: you sit for me and I'll talk. Here,
+stand like this"&mdash;the Liberal candidate. "Capital! Now round like
+this"&mdash;the Conservative. "Drawn from life! And after another day of this
+kind of thing, I reached home without having had an hour's sleep. Oh! a
+"special's" life is not a happy one.</p>
+
+<p>Great political excitement, there is no doubt, turns men's heads. Once
+I recollect finding a most dignified provincial politician in this
+state, and necessity compelled me to turn him into a sketching-stool.
+Mr. Gladstone was speaking at Bingley Hall, Birmingham, and although
+close to him on the platform, I could not, being only five feet two, see
+over the heads of others when all stood to cheer. I mentioned this fact
+to my neighbour. "Oh, you must not miss this scene!" he said, and
+quickly, without ceremony, he had me on his back, his bald head serving
+as an easel. It has struck me since that had this old gentleman, a big
+man in his native town, and still bigger in his own estimation, seen
+himself as others saw him at that moment, the probability is that he
+would not have felt anything like so kindly to me as I did to him.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img069.jpg" width="500" height="628" alt="SKETCHES AT THE LIVERPOOL ELECTION" title="SKETCHES AT THE LIVERPOOL ELECTION" />
+<span class="caption">SKETCHES AT THE LIVERPOOL ELECTION: A WARD MEETING.&mdash;SEE PAGE 138.<br />
+<i>Reduction of Page Design. Brush Drawing on wood, made after election meeting at night, and
+despatched to London by early morning train. See the Confessions of a Special Artist.</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Another instance of a special artist having to depend upon his wits was
+when I found myself at a big central manufacturing town, sent down in a
+hurry from London by the <i>Illustrated London News</i> to illustrate a most
+important election meeting&mdash;an election upon which the fate of the
+Government of the day depended. When I arrived the mills had been
+closed, crowds were in the streets, and it would have been a simple
+matter to have got into Mafeking compared with getting into the hall in
+which the meeting was at the time being held.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img071.jpg" width="250" height="463" alt="MY EASEL." title="MY EASEL." />
+<span class="caption">MY EASEL. DRAWING MR.<br />
+GLADSTONE AT A PUBLIC MEETING.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>If there is one thing I dislike more than another it is a crowd,
+particularly an electioneering crowd. Political fever is a bad malady,
+even when one is impervious to it, if he has to fight his way through an
+infected mob. Quickly slipping round to the principal hotel, and finding
+there the carriages engaged for the celebrities of the meeting, I got
+into one and was driven rapidly up to the hall, cheered by the mob, who
+doubtless looked upon me as some active politician. Had I put my head
+out of the window and promised them any absurdity, I believe they would
+have chosen me their member on the spot. Arriving at the hall, I was
+received by the tipstaffs, who, probably not catching my name
+distinctly, thought as the hotel people had done, that I was sent down
+in some official capacity, and politely ushered me to the platform,
+where I was given a seat in the front row.</p>
+
+<p>Ah, you little know the difficulties of the poor artist in running his
+subjects to earth. When in New York I was specially engaged by the <i>New
+York Herald</i> to contribute a series of studies of the leading public
+men. These were to appear in the Sunday edition.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Those Sunday papers! What gluttons for reading the Americans are! The
+first Sabbath morning I was in the States I telephoned in an off-hand
+sort of way from my bedroom for "some Sunday papers." I went on
+dressing, and somehow forgot my order, but on leaving, or rather
+attempting to leave, my room afterwards, I found to my astonishment the
+doorway completely blocked with newspapers to the quantity of several
+tons. I rang my bell vigorously. The attendant arrived, and seemed
+considerably amused at my look of consternation. He explained to me that
+these were five of the Sunday papers, and added apologetically that they
+were all he could get at present. If I had stayed to read through that
+pile I should be in the States now.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img072.jpg" width="400" height="456" alt="THE AMERICAN SUNDAY PAPERS." title="THE AMERICAN SUNDAY PAPERS." />
+<span class="caption">THE AMERICAN SUNDAY PAPERS.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The first "subject" I was requested to caricature was the celebrated
+sensational preacher, Dr. Parkhurst. When I arrived at his church it was
+crowded to the doors, and I could not get near him. A churchwarden told
+me to sit down where I was, but I put my hand to my ear and shook my
+head, as much as to say "I do not hear you." Then one churchwarden said
+to the other churchwarden, "This man is deaf, he doesn't hear; I was
+telling him to sit down&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Pardon me, but are you speaking?" I whispered. "I regret to say that I
+am very deaf. I came specially from London to hear your great preacher,
+and I should not like to return without gratifying this one desire I
+have."</p>
+
+<p>"Say, is your wife here to-day?" asked one churchwarden of the other.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"No, she is sick at home."</p>
+
+<p>"Could not you squeeze this funny little Britisher into your pew?"</p>
+
+<p>"Guess I could."</p>
+
+<p>So they beckoned to me to follow them, and I was ushered up the aisle
+and sat under the Doctor. The result of that little man&oelig;uvre was that
+I did my work in peace, although sadly troubled to see his face in
+consequence of the church being dark and the reading lamp hiding portion
+of it.</p>
+
+<p>In America introductions are superfluous, so knowing Dr. Parkhurst came
+over in the <i>Germanic</i>, the same ship that I travelled in some months
+later, I walked boldly after the service into his room, shook him by the
+hand, and mentioned in a familiar way the officers of the ship, the
+storm, and other matters connected with his journey, and in that way had
+the chance of ten minutes' chat and a closer observation of his facial
+expression.</p>
+
+<p>It may happen, even when everything is carefully prepared to make the
+visit of a special artist easy and comfortable, that work may be
+difficult to accomplish. I must go to the United States for an
+illustration of what I mean.</p>
+
+<p>Some years ago I met Max O'Rell at a London club, and was introduced by
+him to a very English-looking gentleman with an American accent, who
+immediately said:</p>
+
+<p>"Glad to meet you, Mr. Furniss. When you come over to the States we must
+put you on the grill!"</p>
+
+<p>What did he mean? I looked at Max. Max turned pale, and seemed for a
+moment to lose his self-possession, then hurriedly whispered in my ear:</p>
+
+<p>"Jolly good fellow&mdash;very witty&mdash;president of strange club in America
+where they chaff their guests&mdash;see my last book!"</p>
+
+<p>I recollected reading about a club that goes in for roasting as well as
+toasting its guests, and replied:</p>
+
+<p>"Strange!" I said. "I always thought the Americans were in advance of
+the English; yet here in my country we do not put the Furniss on the
+grill, but the grill on the furnace!"</p>
+
+<p>Max laughed and looked relieved, and said:</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"You'll do&mdash;they'll let you off easy. A Frenchman can't stand chaff, so
+I sat down."</p>
+
+<p>He had stood the fire of the enemy upon the field of battle, but he
+couldn't stand the fusillade of wit from the Americans at their dinner
+table.</p>
+
+<p>The stranger was no other than Major Moses P. Handy, afterwards "Chief
+of Department of Publicity and Promotion at the World's Columbian
+Exposition, Chicago;" so when I found myself in the "Windy City" as an
+unattached "special" from the Old World to the New "World's Fair," I
+called at Rand-McNally Buildings, not to be put on the grill, but to be
+put in possession of some facts concerning that great "Exposition."</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 280px; ">
+<img src="images/img074.jpg" width="280" height="258" alt="MAJOR HANDY." title="MAJOR HANDY." />
+<span class="caption">MAJOR HANDY.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Sometimes there is a great deal in a name. For instance, the late Major
+Handy at once indicated the man&mdash;handy, always ready with tongue, hands
+and legs. He handed me round the city, told me of its wonders, and sent
+me off enraptured to the "Exposition." Here I was met by one of the
+staff, and escorted all over the skeleton of what eventually proved to
+be the most wonderful "Exposition," Exhibition, World's Fair, or
+whatever you like to call it, that the New World had ever seen.</p>
+
+<p>The gentleman in possession who met me and acted as my guide was a
+clean-cut featured, smooth-faced, typical American, "full of wise saws
+and modern instances" and&mdash;tobacco juice. He had a merry wit, and his
+running commentary would have been invaluable "copy" to America's pet
+humourist, Bill Nye.</p>
+
+<p>I had a pencil in the pocket in one side of my coat, and a note-book in
+the pocket in the other side, but the carriage in which I was driven
+about rushed on so over the rough ground and "corduroy roads" and hills
+and chasms, that I found it a matter of utter impossibility to get the
+pencil and the book out together, and, therefore, the facts I give about
+the "Exposition" may <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span> want verification, for my worthy guide
+kept firing them into me with the rapidity of a Maxim or a Hotchkiss.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img075.jpg" width="600" height="504" alt="THE WORLD'S FAIR, CHICAGO." title="THE WORLD'S FAIR, CHICAGO." />
+<span class="caption">THE WORLD'S FAIR, CHICAGO. A "SPECIAL'S" VISIT.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Now here is the Manufactures and Liberal Arts Building. Guess the
+largest building ever erected&mdash;1,641,223 feet long, 17,894 feet high&mdash;"
+Down goes the trap on one side, plunging into some excavation, like a
+double-harnessed Roman chariot. However, we scrambled up again, but I
+had lost the important figure of the width of the building. Now I don't
+for a moment wish to imply that my guide was exaggerating, but this
+rather reminds me of a story told of an American visiting England, and
+his host there one day remarked to him:</p>
+
+<p>"My dear fellow, we are delighted with you here&mdash;in fact, you are quite
+a favourite; but you will excuse me if I tell you <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span> that you
+possess one failing pretty general with your countrymen&mdash;you do
+exaggerate so!"</p>
+
+<p>"Guess I kean't help it, but if you'll just kindly give me a kick under
+the table when I'm going too far I'll pull up sharp!"</p>
+
+<p>With this agreement they went out to dinner that evening, and among
+other topics the conversation turned upon conservatories. Captain de
+Vere said that he had a conservatory 200 feet long, but that the Duke of
+Orchid had one nearly 1,000 feet long. The American here struck in with:</p>
+
+<p>"I reckon, gentlemen, you're talking about conserva<i>tor</i>ies. Now there's
+a friend of mine in Amurrca, a private gentleman, who has a
+conserva<i>tor</i>y 5,000 feet long, 3,000 feet high, and" (kick)&mdash;"oh!&mdash;2
+feet wide!"</p>
+
+<p>But had I heard the figures representing the width of the building, I
+don't suppose they would have been in the same absurd proportion as
+this, for not all the shin-kicking in the world would have deterred my
+entertaining and conversational conductor.</p>
+
+<p>"You must assemble together in your mind's eye all the mighty structures
+already existing in the world to form any idea of the magnitude of this
+<i>tre</i>menjious edifice before you. It is sixteen times as large as St.
+Peter's Cathedral at Rome, Westminster Abbey and St. Paul's Cathedral
+would nestle together in its ventilating shaft, and the whole of the
+armies of Europe could sit down comfortably to dinner in the central
+hall. The Tower of London would be lost under one of the staircases, and
+fifty Cleopatra's Needles stuck one on top of the other would not
+scratch the roof. The building cost fifty million six hundred and
+eighty-four thousand two hundred dollars seventy-five cents, and&mdash;&mdash;" On
+dashed the horses in their wild career.</p>
+
+<p>Down we went, I thought into the bed of Lake Michigan, but in an instant
+we were up again, my hat in one direction and my stick in another, and I
+was well shaken before being taken to the next building.</p>
+
+<p>"Say, Mr. Furniss, the roads are not complete yet, but you mustn't mind
+these little ups and downs. Guess these horses <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span> would pull
+through anything&mdash;brought 'em right away from the fire-engine shed,
+considerable fresh!"</p>
+
+<p>At this moment a train came puffing along laden with masses of ironwork
+for the central building. The horses shied at the smoky monster, turned
+a somersault (at least, so it seemed to me), and we nearly took a header
+into the lake again; but the charioteer managed to turn them just in
+time, and the fiery fire-engine steeds snorted past their iron brother,
+eclipsing even his noise and steam.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 650px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img077.jpg" width="650" height="459" alt="ON DASHED THE HORSES IN THEIR WILD CAREER." title="ON DASHED THE HORSES IN THEIR WILD CAREER." />
+<span class="caption">"ON DASHED THE HORSES IN THEIR WILD CAREER."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I now began to feel thoroughly happy, but I kept a watchful eye on those
+gee-gees, and as we skipped over impromptu bridges, whizzed round the
+corners of newly-made piles, and bumped over incomplete parapets, I
+quite enjoyed myself; but somehow or other I couldn't quite manage to
+catch all the marvellous details respecting the buildings we were
+passing. I was qualifying myself for the Volunteer Fire Brigade. But our
+steeds were reined in for a moment while my guide pointed out to me the
+Dairy Building.</p>
+
+<p>"I reckon, sir," he said, "that dairy will be an eye-opener. It'll be
+<i>soo</i>perb, and I guess it won't be long after the opening of the show
+that they'll be turning out gold-edged butter!"</p>
+
+<p>Off we go again, over mounds and down dykes, jumping <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span> rocks and
+shooting rapids, and I am certain that had our conveyance been a
+milk-cart, butter, gold-edged or otherwise, would have been produced
+pretty soon. We pull up with a jerk opposite the Agricultural Building.</p>
+
+<p>"The building is 5,000 by 8,000 feet, design bold and heroic. On each
+corner and from the centre of the building are reared pavilions."</p>
+
+<p>"Indeed!" I said. "Are they reared by incubators, or upon some special
+soil from the fertile tracts of the Far West?"</p>
+
+<p>My guide did not evidently deem my question worthy an answer, and
+continued:</p>
+
+<p>"Surmounted by a mammoth glass dome 460 feet high, constructed on
+purpose to accommodate the giant Pennsylvania pumpkin we're having
+raised specially for the Exposition. That pumpkin will be hollowed out,
+and 600 people will be able to sit down together at once in its
+interior."</p>
+
+<p>"Now we'll go to the Transportation Building," said my indefatigable
+conductor to the driver.</p>
+
+<p>"Bless me!" I thought; "is this a convict prison? Are we to have
+visitors from Sing Sing, and am I to see some of my friends from
+Portland and Dartmoor? Will there be a model of the Bastille, and a
+contingent of escaped refugees from the mines of Siberia? Or is the
+building an enormous concern for the transport of visitors to and from
+the Exposition?"</p>
+
+<p>"Say, Mr. Furniss, this is the most original conception in the whole
+Exposition. You'll see contrasted here every mode of transport, and a
+complete train, with a display of locomotives never before attempted,
+will be quite <i>stu</i>pendous! To quote the guidebook: 'There will be at
+least 100 engines exhibited, and placed so as to face each other,' and
+every day we will have a steam tournament. Guess it will be a case of
+the survival of the fittest of the engines when they meet! Visitors fond
+of railway accidents can be despatched with a completeness only to be
+witnessed in the stock-yards of this great city!"</p>
+
+<p>This ghastly suggestion had the effect of making me feel more
+comfortable than ever.</p>
+
+<p>We had been some hours driving through this wonderful <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span> skeleton
+city. The last dying rays of the setting sun, sinking behind the
+sweeping prairies of the far, far West, lit up the horizon with a
+blood-red glow, and, as the shades of evening began to descend and
+envelop the embryo Exposition, the driver turned the horses' heads
+whence we had come&mdash;towards the sunset.</p>
+
+<p>The animals snorted, their nostrils inflated, their eyes glistened, and,
+with tails erect, they tore off straight ahead at a tremendous rate.
+They couldn't understand why they had been driven aimlessly about all
+this time; but now they saw the glare, as they thought, of the fire&mdash;the
+glare they had been accustomed to regard as the beacon to guide them to
+their goal&mdash;a goal which had to be reached with lightning speed.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img079.jpg" width="300" height="162" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>It seemed as if we were flying through a beautiful place destroyed by
+the ravages of fire, for in the dim evening light the outlined houses
+gave one the impression that they formed a city dead, not a city
+newly-born.</p>
+
+<p>Away to the Wild West of the Exposition we flew, and were eventually
+pulled up outside of one of the larger and more complete buildings. My
+faculties had been about all shaken out of me by this time, and I was so
+bewildered by the chaos of figures in my brain&mdash;all that were left of
+the volumes that had been poured into my ears&mdash;that I had to be all but
+lifted out of the fire-engine trap by my good guide. He said, in an
+undertone:</p>
+
+<p>"Now I'm going to show you something we keep a profound secret."</p>
+
+<p>Making a supreme effort, I dispersed temporarily the armies of figures
+conflicting in my unfortunate head, and became once more a rational
+being, so as to appreciate fully this visual tit-bit reserved to the
+last. We entered the structure. What was it? A mortuary, a
+dissecting-chamber, or a pantomime property-room? Numbers of ghost-like
+beings with bared arms streaming with an opaque-white liquid appeared to
+be engaged in some ghoulish machinations. Mutilated figures of gigantic
+creatures lay strewn about in reckless confusion. It seemed as if
+pigmies <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span> were butchering giants; and in the dim, weird light
+among these uncanny surroundings my jumbled imagination whispered to me
+that, after all, this stupendous Exhibition I had just rushed through
+could not possibly be the work of the insignificant little men who
+swarmed all over the colossal buildings in such ridiculously absurd
+proportion to their pretended handiwork.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; ">
+<img src="images/img080.jpg" width="600" height="459" alt="THE CHARNEL-HOUSE, CHICAGO'S WORLD FAIR." title="THE CHARNEL-HOUSE, CHICAGO'S WORLD FAIR." />
+<span class="caption">THE CHARNEL-HOUSE, CHICAGO'S WORLD FAIR.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>No, these giants had performed this herculean undertaking, and were now
+being cut up&mdash;the reward of many who attempt such ambitious tasks. In
+reality, though, this charnel-house was the sculptors' studio, in which
+were modelled the gigantic figures which were to be placed on the
+buildings and about the grounds.</p>
+
+<p>Now were I to design a model for a statue to be placed in the
+Exposition, it would certainly be one of my excellent and entertaining
+companion, who proved himself a model conductor, a model of an American
+gentleman, and one who is justly proud, as <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span> all Americans must
+be, of the greatness and thoroughness of the most splendid and most
+interesting Exhibition ever recorded in the annals of their great
+country.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 35%;" />
+
+<p>One day I slipped up to 10, Downing Street, to make a note of that very
+ordinary, albeit mystical, abode of English Premiers and officials. The
+eagle eye of the policeman was upon me, and he was soon at my side
+subjecting me to minute examination. My explanation satisfied him that
+the only lead I had about me was encased in wood for the purpose of
+drawing, and that the substance in my hand was not dynamite, but
+innocent indiarubber, for wiping out people and places only of my own
+creation. "Ah, sir, there ain't much to see there, unless the 'all
+porter's a-lookin' out of the winder. But you ought ter be 'ere in the
+mornin' and see the Premier a-shavin' of 'imself, with a piece of old
+lookin'-glass stuck up on the winder ter see 'imself in&mdash;just wot the
+likes of us would do!"</p>
+
+<p>So I, as a "special," was allowed to make a sketch of the outside of the
+famous No. 10. Not long afterwards I happened to be standing in the same
+place with a number of journalists and a crowd of the public when a
+political crisis drew all attention to the Cabinet, the members of which
+were arriving at intervals, recognised and cheered by the curious. As
+the door opened to allow one of the members of the Cabinet to enter, a
+certain official noticed me standing on the opposite side of the street.
+To my surprise he beckoned to me, and said, "I have been waiting to see
+you, Mr. Furniss, for a long time. I have some sketches in the house
+here I want you to see whenever you can honour me with a visit."</p>
+
+<p>"No time like the present moment," I said.</p>
+
+<p>Before the official realised that the present moment was a dangerous one
+for the admittance of strangers I was taken into the house. While
+examining the works of art in the official's private room a knock came
+to the door, which necessitated his leaving me. The moment of the
+"special" had arrived&mdash;now or never for a Cabinet Council! I was down
+the passage, and in a few minutes stood in the presence of the Cabinet,
+when <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span> Mr. Gladstone, the Premier, was addressing Lord Granville
+and the others, who were seated, and just as the Duke of Devonshire
+(then Lord Hartington) pushed by me into the room, I was seized by the
+alarmed official. Of course I apologised for my stupidity in taking the
+wrong turning, and I asked him about Mr. Gladstone's three mysterious
+hats in the hall, which he informed me Mr. Gladstone always had by
+him,&mdash;three hats symbolic of his oratorical peculiarity of using the
+well-known phrase, "There are three courses open to us."</p>
+
+<p>I patted Lord Hartington's dog on the head, and had quietly taken my
+departure before the official was called into the Cabinet and questioned
+about the "spy" who had so mysteriously interrupted their proceedings.</p>
+
+<p>But what was perhaps a more daring and difficult feat than seeing a
+Cabinet Council was to disturb the "Sage of Queen Anne's Gate" in his
+semi-official residence. It so happened some few years ago I was
+commissioned by an illustrated paper to make a drawing of a peculiar
+scene that took place in the House of Commons. It was Mr. Gladstone's
+only appearance in the Strangers' smoking-room of the House, into which
+he had been lured by the Member for Northampton to attend a performance
+of a thought reader, which Mr. Labouchere had arranged perhaps to show
+his serious interest in the business of the country connected with our
+great Houses of Parliament. Not being present at this show, I had no
+means of getting material, and, being in a hurry, I boldly drove up to
+the house of the "Sage of Queen Anne's Gate." And as I always treat
+people as they treat others, I thought that a little of the Laboucherian
+cheek (shall I substitute the word for confidence?) would not be out of
+place in this instance. The servant took my card, and brought back the
+message that Mr. Labouchere was not at home. As I was at that moment
+actually acting the character of the "Sage," and remembering the
+stories, true or untrue, which he so delights in telling himself about
+his own coolness in matters probably not less important than this, I
+asked the servant to allow me to write a letter to Mr. Labouchere, and I
+was shown into his study, where <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span> I sat, and intended to sit,
+until Mr. Labouchere made his appearance. From time to time the servant
+looked in, but the letter was never written. And my thought-reading
+proved correct. Without my pen and pencil I drew Mr. Labouchere. He
+eventually came downstairs, and gave me all the information I required.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 35%;" />
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img083.jpg" width="250" height="366" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>was in darkness. To quote the papers, "Foggy obscuration rested over the
+greater part of its area." And I, in common with millions of others, was
+having my breakfast by gaslight, when I received an editorial summons to
+attend the trial of the Bishop of Lincoln at Lambeth Palace. Soon a
+hansom was at the door, with two lamps outside and one within; the
+latter smelt most horribly, and I found out later on that it leaked and
+had ruined my new overcoat. With an agility quite marvellous under the
+circumstances the horse slipped its slimy way over the greasy streets to
+Lambeth, and dashed through the fog over Westminster Bridge in a most
+reckless manner, which disconcerting performance was partly explained by
+its suddenly stopping at the stable door of Sanger's and refusing to
+budge. I was partially consoled by the fact that we were just opposite
+St. Thomas's Hospital, so that I should be in good hands if the worst
+befell. The fog becoming even denser, Sanger's became veiled from the
+sight of our fiery steed, which thereupon consented to slide on towards
+Lambeth Palace. A sharp turn brought us to the gateway, where stood a
+hearse and string of mourning coaches. Was I too late? Had the Bishops
+passed sentence, and had the loved one of Lincoln really been beheaded?</p>
+
+<p>My fears on this point were relieved by a policeman, who restrained my
+driver's energetic endeavours to drive through the wall of the Palace,
+and as my password was "Jeune" (November would have been more
+appropriate on such a morning) I was allowed inside the gates. Here I
+could not see my hand, or <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span> anyone else's, in front of me, and
+after stumbling up some steps and down some others I finally flattened
+my nose against a door. Policeman No. 2 suddenly appeared, and turned
+his bull's-eye upon me. I felt that I was doomed to the deepest dungeon
+beneath the castle moat; I thought of the whipping-post I have read of
+in connection with the Palace; of the Guard Room with its pikes and
+instruments of torture, and I trembled. Luckily, however, the rays of
+the lantern fell upon the note in my hand, addressed to Francis Jeune,
+Q.C., and the good-natured "All right, sir. Go hup. 'E's a-speakin'
+now," came as a reprieve.</p>
+
+<p>I stumble into the large historic hall known as the Library, wherein the
+great trial of the Bishop of Lincoln is being held. The weird scene
+strongly resembles the Dream Trial in "The Bells," where the judges,
+counsel, and all concerned are in a fog. I expect the limelight to flash
+suddenly upon the chief actor, the Bishop of Lincoln, as he takes the
+stage and re-acts the part that has caused the trial. The only lights in
+the long and lofty Library, excepting the clerical and legal, are a
+dozen or two wax candles and a few oil-lamps&mdash;of daylight, gaslight, or
+electric light, nothing. I can hear the voice of Jeune, Q.C., which
+gladdens my heart amid these sepulchral surroundings, but I see him not.
+As my eyes gradually become accustomed to the strange scene, I find that
+it is composed of three distinct "sets," which present the appearance of
+a muddled-up stage picture when the flats go wrong, and you have a part
+of the Surrey Hills, a corner of Drury Lane and a side of a West End
+drawing-room run on at the same time.</p>
+
+<p>At the further end of the Library we have the Church, very High Church,
+represented by an Archbishop and five Bishops; also a Judge, in a
+full-bottomed wig, who has evidently got in by mistake. Then we have the
+Law, represented by a row of Q.C.'s, their juniors, and attendants; and
+then a chorus of ordinary people and common, or Thames Policemen. These
+are separated by red ropes and some red tape; the latter I cut with my
+self-written passport&mdash;my note to the Q.C. who still addresses the
+Court.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img085.jpg" width="600" height="468" alt="THE BISHOP OF LINCOLN'S TRIAL." title="THE BISHOP OF LINCOLN'S TRIAL." />
+<span class="caption">THE BISHOP OF LINCOLN'S TRIAL. (<i>From "Punch."</i>)</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I have come here to see the Bishop of Lincoln, and I roam about in the
+fog to find him. Ah, that figure! there he is! I immediately sketch him,
+only to find out that the individual in question is the Clerk of the
+Court, or whatever the title of that functionary's equivalent may be in
+Lambeth Palace. What vexes me is that whenever I enquire the whereabouts
+of the Bishop, a warning finger is raised to the lips to denote silence.
+The Bishops sit round three tables, on a raised platform. In the centre
+is the Archbishop of Canterbury; on his right the mysterious Judge, in
+full wig and red robes; here is the Vicar-General, Sir James Parker
+Deane, Q.C.; next to him sits Assessor Dr. Atlay, Bishop of Hereford,
+who looks anything but happy, his hair presenting the appearance of
+being blown about by a strong draught, while his hand is raised to his
+face, suggesting that the draught had caused toothache. The portly
+Bishop of Oxford on his right, like the other corner man, the Bishop of
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span> Salisbury, scribbles away at a great rate in a huge manuscript
+book or roll of foolscap. On the left of the Archbishop sits the Bishop
+of London, who severely interrogates the Counsel, and evidently relishes
+acting the schoolmaster once more. The Bishop of Rochester, sitting on
+London's left, supplies the element of comedy as far as facial
+expression goes, and his wide-open mouth and papers held in front of him
+lead me to expect him to burst into song at any moment. But where is
+<i>the</i> Bishop&mdash;the Bishop of Lincoln? Ah, now I see him, in one of those
+side courts, and I forthwith sketch him, marvelling at my stupidity in
+not identifying him before. I write his name under the sketch, and show
+it to one of the reporters. He scribbles "Wrong man" across it. Done
+again! I write, "Then where is he?" He waves me away, as Mr. Jeune is
+quoting some extraordinary document six hundred years old in reply to
+Sir Horace Davey's authority, which only dates back five hundred and
+ninety-nine years. It suddenly occurs to me that the Bishop is beside
+his Counsel at the other end of the long table, but, alas! there is a
+candle in front of him. This is all I can see, so I make my way to the
+other side of the table, only to discover that my Bishop is an old lady.
+I write on a piece of paper, "Where does the Bishop of Lincoln sit?" and
+take it to an official. It is too dark to read, so some time is lost
+while he takes my memorandum to a candle. He looks across at me, and
+points to a corner.</p>
+
+<p>At last! good! The old gentleman in the corner is in plain clothes, it
+is true, but still he looks every inch a Bishop. I cautiously approach
+to a coign of vantage close beside him, and have just finished a careful
+study of him, when he turns round to me and whispers, "Please, sir, can
+you tell me which is the Bishop of Lincoln?" I shake my head angrily,
+and move away. This is really humbug. I'll bide my time, and take
+Counsel's opinion&mdash;I'll ask Mr. Jeune. He is just occupied in answering
+the hundred and seventh question of the Bishop of London, and is being
+"supported" by Sir Walter Phillimore. Indeed, it amuses me to see the
+way in which these two clever Counsel, when in a fog (and are we not all
+in one?), hold an <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span> animated legal conversation between
+themselves, and totally ignore the Bishops&mdash;not that the latter seem to
+mind, for they scribble away merrily. An evil suspicion creeps into my
+head that they are seizing the opportunity to write their next Sunday's
+sermons.</p>
+
+<p>In the meantime I discover that one of the little side courts is
+converted into a studio, with an easel and canvas. I approach my brother
+brush, feeling that he, or she, or both (for a lady and a gentleman were
+jointly at work upon a picture of the Trial, in black and white&mdash;the
+black was visible, but there was no chance of seeing the white) will
+tell me where I can catch a glimpse of the Bishop of Lincoln. I whisper
+the question. But a "Hush!" goes up from the H'Usher, and the artists,
+sympathising with me in my dilemma, obtain a candle and point out the
+Bishop to me in their picture. I slip away in search of that face. Its
+owner ought to be near his Counsel. The severe Sir Horace Davey sits
+writing letters; next him is the affable Dr. Tristram, then the rubicund
+Mr. Danckwerts, but no Bishop&mdash;in fact, there is no one of public
+interest to be seen; probably they have not come, as to-day is to be a
+half-holiday. It is now one o'clock, and the Bishops rise to go to the
+Levée. I pounce upon Francis Jeune, Q.C., and gasp, "Where, oh, where is
+the Bishop of Lincoln? Quick! I want to sketch him before he leaves."
+"Oh, he's not here&mdash;never comes near the place!"</p>
+
+<p>The play is over for the day. I have seen "Hamlet" with the Prince left
+out.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ILLUSTRATOR&mdash;A SERIOUS CHAPTER</h3>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in">Drawing&mdash;"Hieroglyphics"&mdash;Clerical Portraiture&mdash;A Commission from
+General Booth&mdash;In Search of Truth&mdash;Sir Walter Besant&mdash;James Payn&mdash;Why
+Theodore Hook was Melancholy&mdash;"Off with his Head"&mdash;Reformers'
+Tree&mdash;Happy Thoughts&mdash;Christmas Story&mdash;Lewis Carroll&mdash;The Rev. Charles
+Lutwidge Dodgson&mdash;Sir John Tenniel&mdash;The Challenge&mdash;Seven Years'
+Labour&mdash;A Puzzle MS.&mdash;Dodgson on Dress&mdash;Carroll on Drawing&mdash;Sylvie and
+Bruno&mdash;A Composite Picture&mdash;My Real Models&mdash;I am very Eccentric&mdash;My
+"Romps"&mdash;A Letter from du Maurier&mdash;Caldecott&mdash;Tableaux&mdash;Fine
+Feathers&mdash;Models&mdash;Fred Barnard&mdash;The Haystack&mdash;A Wicket Keeper&mdash;A Fair
+Sitter&mdash;Neighbours&mdash;The Post-Office Jumble&mdash;Puzzling the
+Postmen&mdash;Writing Backwards&mdash;A Coincidence.<br /><br /></p></div>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img088.jpg" width="300" height="401" alt="If" title="If" />
+</div>
+
+<p>I confess as a caricaturist, surely I need not caricature my confessions
+by any mock-modesty. Although I have illustrated novels, short stories,
+fairy tales, poems, parodies, satires, and <i>jeux d'esprit</i>, for the
+realistic, the fanciful, the weirdly imaginative and the broadly
+humorous, as my <i>Punch</i> colleague, E. T. Milliken, wrote, my more
+distinctive, natural and favourite <i>métier</i> is that of graphic art. This
+intimate friend, in publishing his "appreciation" of me, put in his own
+too highly-coloured opinion of my black and white work in this
+direction. I blush to quote it:</p>
+
+<p>"And they are in error who imagine Mr. Furniss's powers to be
+substantially limited to political satire or Parliamentary caricature.
+Much of the work he has already given to the public, and perhaps more of
+that which he has not yet published, but of which his chosen familiars
+are aware, will prove that in more serious or imaginative work, in
+strong, vivid realism as well as in frolic fancy, in landscape as well
+as in life, in the picturesque as well as in the humorous, he can
+display a notable mastery."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img089.jpg" width="500" height="687" alt="MAJUBA HILL." title="MAJUBA HILL." />
+<span class="caption">MAJUBA HILL. DRAWN BY HARRY FURNISS<br />
+<i>Reproduced by permission of the proprietors of the "Illustrated London News."</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>This confession of one of my "chosen familiars" I have the pluck to
+reprint, as an answer to those unknown strangers who so frequently write
+me down as "a conventional comic draughtsman of funny ill-drawn little
+figures." "What shall I call him?" said one; "a master of
+hieroglyphics?" Well, if I am commissioned to draw humorous
+hieroglyphics, I do my best to master their difficulties. Caricature
+pure and simple is not the art I either care for or succeed in
+practising as well as I do in my less known more serious and more
+finished work. When I joined <i>Punch</i>, at the age of twenty-six, I had
+had nine-tenths of my time previous to that occupied (ever since I was
+fifteen years of age) in drawing far more elaborate and finished work
+than would be in keeping in a periodical such as <i>Punch</i>. <i>Punch</i>
+required "funny little figures," and I supplied them; but my <i>métier</i>, I
+must confess, was work requiring more demand upon direct draughtsmanship
+and power. I am a funny man, a caricaturist, by force of circumstances;
+an artist, a satirist, and a cartoonist by nature and training. The one
+requires technical knowledge&mdash;in the other, "drawing doesn't count." The
+more amateurish the work, the funnier the public consider it. The
+serious confession I have to make is that I have been mistaken for a
+caricaturist in the accepted and limited meaning of the term.</p>
+
+<p>"It is the ambition of every low comedian to play Hamlet, that of every
+caricaturist to be able to paint a picture which shall be worthy of a
+place on the walls of the National Gallery," are my own words on the
+platform; but I do not essay to play Hamlet on the platform, nor do I
+paint pictures for posterity in my studio. Therefore I do not place
+myself in the category of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span> either, for I am neither a low
+comedian nor am I strictly and solely a mere caricaturist. This fact is
+perhaps not generally known to the public, but it is known to the
+publishers, and when a Society Church paper wished to present a series
+of supplements&mdash;portraits of the leading clergy&mdash;I was selected as the
+artist. The portrait of Canon Liddon, which is here very much reduced,
+is one of these.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img092.jpg" width="550" height="631" alt="CANON LIDDON." title="CANON LIDDON." />
+<span class="caption">CANON LIDDON. A SKETCH FROM LIFE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And furthermore I received a commission from General Booth, which
+unfortunately, through pressure of work, I was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span> unable to
+undertake, to make a study of Mrs. Booth, who was at the time on her
+death-bed, suffering from cancer, which the General was "exceedingly
+anxious" to reproduce and issue to his Army, as he had "never yet been
+able to secure a good photograph, although frequent attempts had been
+made by eminent London photographers."</p>
+
+<p>I must confirm, a confession I made some years ago to the editor of the
+<i>Magazine of Art</i> regarding some of the difficulties with which artists
+illustrating books have to contend. In that I questioned whether authors
+and artists worked sufficiently together. Few authors are as
+conscientious as Dickens was, or, in fact, care to consult with their
+illustrators at all. In operatic work the librettist and composer must
+work hand in hand. Should not the artist do likewise?</p>
+
+<p>Undoubtedly there are some writers who take great trouble to see their
+subject from the artistic standpoint. One sensational writer with whom I
+am acquainted will make a complete model in cardboard of his "Haunted
+Grange," so as to avoid absurdities in the working out of the tale. The
+"Blood-stained Tower" is therefore always in its place, and the
+"Assassin's Door" and "Ghost's Window" do not change places, to the
+bewilderment of the keen-witted reader. Many writers, on the other hand,
+show an extraordinary carelessness, or, shall I say, agility? "Hilarity
+Hall" or "Stucco Castle" is supposed to be a firm erection, capable of
+withstanding storm, or, if necessary, siege; whereas the artist too
+often detects the author turning it inside out and upside down to suit
+his convenience, like the mechanical quick-change scenes in our modern
+realistic dramas.</p>
+
+<p>It may seem strange, but I have never found over-conscientiousness in
+seeking to secure "local colour" meet with the slightest reward. Two
+instances among many similar experiences which have fallen to my lot
+will serve to show my ground for making this observation.</p>
+
+<p>Those who have read Sir Walter Besant's delightful but little known "All
+in a Garden Fair" (it is interesting to know that this was
+semi-autobiographical, and that its original title <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span> was "All in
+a Garden Green") will recollect the minute description of the locality
+in which the opening scenes take place. The author and I "talked it
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img094.jpg" width="500" height="612" alt="" title="" /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 500px; "></span>
+
+over." He told me the exact spot where the story was laid&mdash;a village a
+good many miles from London. The next day, provided with exact
+information, my wife and I went by train to the station nearest to the
+village in question, and then, taking a "trap," went on a voyage of
+discovery. First, however, we endeavoured to gain some useful directions
+from the proprietor of the hotel where we lunched, but, to our surprise,
+he knew of no such village. The driver of our "conveyance" was equally
+unlearned concerning the object of our search.</p>
+
+<p>"Strange," said I, "how these country people ignore all the beauties and
+graceful associations that are around them&mdash;they don't even know of the
+existence of this idyllic village."</p>
+
+<p>Nothing daunted, I undertook to pilot the party to the place, and after
+a lovely drive we reached the spot where the village ought to be. Here I
+saw a kind of model hotel, and, I think, a shanty of some description;
+the rest was an ordinary English landscape. I hardened my heart, and
+patiently sketched the building, which, of course, was not there at the
+period the story referred to, and some details of the place where a
+village only existed in the author's imagination.</p>
+
+<p>When next I saw Sir Walter Besant, he tried to console me
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span>
+with the assurance that there certainly must have been a village
+there some centuries ago!</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 200px; ">
+<img src="images/img095a.jpg" width="200" height="329" alt="THE LATE SIR WALTER BESANT." title="THE LATE SIR WALTER BESANT." />
+<span class="caption">THE LATE SIR<br />
+WALTER BESANT.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Besides being a wit and a delightful conversationalist, Sir Walter was
+the most practical and businesslike of authors. It was a treat to meet
+him, as I frequently did, walking into Town, and enjoy his vivacious
+humour. I recollect one morning, speaking of illustrators, mentioning
+the fact that Cruikshank always imagined that Dickens had taken "Oliver
+Twist," merely endowing it with literary merit here and there, and
+palming it off as his own!</p>
+
+<p>"Ah!" said Besant, "how funny! Do you know, I overheard two of my little
+girls talking a few mornings ago, and one said to the other, 'Papa does
+not write all his stories, you know&mdash;Charlie Green helps him.'"</p>
+
+<p>(Green was at the time illustrating Besant's "Chaplain of the Fleet.")</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img095b.jpg" width="300" height="360" alt="THE JETTY." title="THE JETTY." />
+<span class="caption">THE "JETTY."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>My second instance occurred about the same period. The author was the
+most delightful and entertaining of literary men of our time, Mr. James
+Payn. I was selected to illustrate the serial story in the <i>Illustrated
+London News</i>, and as in that also the author minutely describes the
+scene of the semi-historical romance, I, being a thoroughly
+conscientious artist, visited James Payn, then editor of <i>Cornhill</i>, in
+his editorial den in Waterloo Place, to talk the matter over. My notes
+were: "Jetty&mdash;Lovers meet&mdash;Ancient church&mdash;Old houses." But the "Jetty"
+was <i>the</i> important object&mdash;I must get that. I therefore started for the
+South Coast. Again I was forced to bow down before <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span> my author's
+wonderful powers of imagination, for once more, in company with my wife,
+with a hireling to carry my sketching stool and materials, I walked a
+great distance in search of the jetty. Vain, vain! not a ghost of a
+jetty was to be seen. The menial could not enlighten us. At last we
+unearthed the "oldest inhabitant," who took us back to where a few
+sticks in the water alone marked where it stood "a many years ago." I
+tried to develop some of the powers of the late Professor Owen, when he
+constructed an animal from the smallest bone, and succeeded in
+"evolving" a jetty from the green remains of four wooden posts.</p>
+
+<p>I forgave Payn as I forgave Besant. Both men were as genial as they were
+eminent, and but for the circumstances of illustrating their stories I
+might not have enjoyed their acquaintanceship. I also illustrated Payn's
+most charming story, "The Talk of the Town," for <i>Cornhill Magazine</i>. I
+never enjoyed any work of the kind so well as this&mdash;it has always been
+my regret Payn did not write another of the same period. I recollect,
+when I first saw him in Waterloo Place, I had just read an article of
+his in which he gave a recipe for getting rid of callers, which was to
+bring the conversation to an abrupt termination, say absolutely nothing,
+but steadfastly stare at your visitor until he left. I can vouch for its
+being a simple and effective plan.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img096.jpg" width="400" height="524" alt="THE TALK OF THE TOWN" title="THE TALK OF THE TOWN" />
+<span class="caption">ILLUSTRATION FOR "THE TALK OF THE TOWN" (REDUCED).<br />
+<i>By permission of the proprietors of "Cornhill Magazine."</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>When I entered his editorial sanctum the genial essayist received me
+most cordially, and looked the picture of comfort, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span> surrounded
+as he was by a heterogeneous collection of pipes. Presently, through the
+clouds of smoke through which he had chatted in that lively, vivacious
+manner peculiarly his own, he knocked the ashes out of his finished pipe
+and mutely stared point-blank at me till I, like the pipe, went out
+also. But before making my exit I reminded him that I had read the
+article I refer to, up to which he was no doubt acting, and that I was
+pleased and interested that he practised the doctrine he preached.
+Possibly this remark of mine was unexpected, and therefore somewhat
+disconcerted him for a moment, for he quickly replied, "Not at all! not
+at all! Fact is, I was rather upset before you came in by a miserable
+man who called to see me, and at the moment I was, <i>à propos</i> of him,
+thinking of a funny story about Theodore Hook I came across last night I
+never heard before. Poor Hook was at a smart dinner one evening, but
+instead of being as usual the life and soul of the party, he proved the
+wet blanket on the merry meeting, despite the fact that he, in all
+probability, had imbibed his stiff glass of brandy to get him up to his
+usual form before entering the house at which he was entertained. This
+most unusual phase of Hook's character surprised everybody present, so
+much so that his host ventured to remark that the volatile Theodore did
+not seem so merry as usual.</p>
+
+<p>"'Merry? I should think not! I should like to see anyone merry who has
+gone through what I have this afternoon!'</p>
+
+<p>"'What was that?' asked everyone, with one voice.</p>
+
+<p>"'Well, I'll tell you,' said Hook. 'I have just come up from York in the
+stage coach, and I was rather late in taking my seat; the top was
+occupied to the full, so I had no alternative but to become an inside
+passenger. The only other occupant of the interior was a melancholy
+individual rolled up in a corner. He had donned his great-coat, the
+collar of which was turned right up over his ears. He stolidly sat
+there, never uttering a word, until I became fascinated by his weird
+appearance. By-and-by the sun sank below the western horizon, the inside
+of the coach became darker and darker, and more ghastly seemed the
+cadaverous stranger as the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span> blackness increased. The strain was
+too much for me. I could not keep silent another minute.</p>
+
+<p>"'My good sir,' I said, 'whatever is the matter with you?'"</p>
+
+<p>"'I'll tell you,' he slowly muttered. 'Some months ago I invested in two
+tickets in a great lottery, but when I told my wife of the speculation I
+had indulged in she nagged and nagged at me to such a frightful extent
+that at last I sold the tickets.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Well?'</p>
+
+<p>"'Well, do you know, sir, to-day those two numbers won the two first
+prizes, and those two prizes represent a sum of money of colossal
+magnitude!'</p>
+
+<p>"'Goodness gracious me!' I shouted. 'If that had happened to me it would
+have driven me to desperation! In fact I really believe that I should
+have been frantic enough to cut my throat!'</p>
+
+<p>"'Why, that's just what I have done!' replied the stranger, as he turned
+down his collar. 'Look here!'"</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 200px; ">
+<img src="images/img098.jpg" width="200" height="155" alt="THAT'S JUST WHAT I HAVE DONE!" title="THAT'S JUST WHAT I HAVE DONE!" />
+<span class="caption">"THAT'S JUST WHAT I HAVE DONE!"</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>This ghastly tale reminds me of one of my earliest and most trying
+experiences in illustrating stories. I had made a very careful drawing
+to illustrate a startling episode in a novel by Mrs. Henry Wood.
+Naturally it was designed on a block, and represented the hero having
+just swallowed poison after committing a murder. The face in the drawing
+was everything, and I had taken the greatest pains to depict in the
+distorted features all the authoress desired&mdash;in fact, I was rather
+proud of it. The authoress was pleased, and the block was sent to the
+engraver. I was then about twenty&mdash;photographing a drawing on to wood
+was unknown, and process work was not invented&mdash;all drawings were made
+on boxwood and engraved by hand. To my horror the engraver returned the
+block to me a week afterwards with an apologetic note. The face had been
+destroyed in the engraver's hands, and he had "plugged the block"&mdash;that
+is, another piece of wood had been inserted where <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span> the hero's
+head had been, and whitened over, for me to draw another. The rest of
+the design had been engraved. That face gone! How could I conjure it up
+again on that unsightly, isolated patch of block, with all the rest of
+the drawing engraved and therefore my lines undiscernible? I did my
+best. When it was printed it was seen that the face did not fit on the
+neck properly, and to my chagrin I received a sarcastic letter from the
+editor to inform me that I had made a mistake. The hero had swallowed
+poison and had not, as I supposed, cut his head off!</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img099.jpg" width="400" height="375" alt="SPECIMEN OF JAMES PAYN'S WRITING." title="SPECIMEN OF JAMES PAYN'S WRITING." />
+<span class="caption">SPECIMEN OF JAMES PAYN'S WRITING.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Another illustration of the conscientious illustrator in search of the
+truth. I had to introduce the Reformers' Tree, Hyde Park, into a
+picture. Now we are always hearing about the Reformers' Tree in
+reference to demonstrations in the Park, so I went in search of the
+historical stump. The first person to whom I put a question as to its
+whereabouts pointed to a huge tree in flourishing condition. I had just
+sketched in its upper branches when it somehow occurred to me that it
+would be just as well to ask someone else and make assurance doubly
+sure. This time I interrogated a policeman.</p>
+
+<p>"No, that ain't it; that there row of hoaks is wot people calls the
+Reformers' Tree."</p>
+
+<p>I started another sketch on the strength of this statement, but feeling
+a bit dubious over his assertion that the one tree was comprised of a
+whole row, I tackled the "oldest inhabitant," an ancient and pensioned
+park-keeper, who luckily hove in sight.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Hover there," he replied, gruffly, pointing to a stump that resembled
+the sole remaining molar the old man possessed.</p>
+
+<p>This stump was picturesque. It must be the Reformers' Tree.
+Result&mdash;another sketch, which I showed to the gatekeeper at the Marble
+Arch.</p>
+
+<p>"Reformers' Tree? Why, there ain't no such thing in the Park." And I
+really believe there isn't. It is a myth, and merely exists in the
+fertile brain of the descriptive author or the imagination of the
+agitator.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img100.jpg" width="250" height="363" alt="THE TYPICAL LOVERS IN ILLUSTRATIONS OF NOVELS." title="THE TYPICAL LOVERS IN ILLUSTRATIONS OF NOVELS." />
+<span class="caption">THE TYPICAL LOVERS IN ILLUSTRATIONS OF NOVELS.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>After James Payn's "Talk of the Town" no book has given me such pleasure
+to illustrate as F. C. Burnand's "Incompleat Angler." The combination of
+the picturesqueness of Isaak Walton with the humour of Burnand could not
+be otherwise, but most unfortunately the form of its publication ruined
+the effect of the drawings. Over this, too, the author and I talked&mdash;no,
+not exactly&mdash;to be exact we laughed over it. I dined with Burnand, and
+afterwards in his study he read it to me, and as he frankly admitted he
+never laughed so much at anything before.</p>
+
+<p>The illustrator's difficulties by no means end when the author is
+satisfied. Many authors give you every facility, and hamper you with no
+impossibilities; but then steps in the editor, especially if he be the
+editor of a "goody" magazine. Novels will be novels, and love and lovers
+will find their way even into the immaculate pages of our monthly
+elevators. I once found it so, and certainly I thought that here was
+plain sailing. A tender interview at the garden gate. She "sighed and
+looked down as Charles Thorndike took her hand"&mdash;unavoidable and not
+unacceptable subject. Lovers are all commonplace young men with large
+eyes, long legs, and small moustaches (villains' moustaches grow apace);
+moreover, lovers, I believe, generally take care to avoid observation;
+but no! it appears that "our <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span> subscribers" have a stern code
+which may not be lightly infringed. A letter from the editor rebukes my
+worldly ways:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1"><p>"<span class="smcap">Dear Sir</span>,&mdash;Will you kindly give Charles Thorndike a beard, and
+show an aunt or uncle or some chaperon in the distance; the subject and
+treatment is hardly suitable otherwise to our young readers."</p></div>
+
+<p>Sometimes a publisher steps in and arranges everything, regardless of
+all the author and artist may cherish.</p>
+
+<p>Years ago a well-known but not very prosperous publisher sent for me,
+and spoke as follows:</p>
+
+<p>"Now, Mr. F., what I want is to knock the B.P. with Christmas. The story
+is all blood and murder, but don't mind that&mdash;you must supply the
+antidote; put in the holly and mistletoe, plenty of snow and
+plum-pudding (the story was a seaside one in summer time). I like John
+Tenniel's work&mdash;give us a bit of him, with a dash of Du Maurier and a
+sprinkling of Leech here and there; but none of your Rembrandt
+effects&mdash;they are too dark, and don't print up well. Never mind what the
+author says; he hasn't made it Christmas, so you must!"</p>
+
+<p>It is equally difficult to comply with an editorial request such as
+this: "The story I send you is as dull as ditch-water; do please read it
+over and illustrate it with lively pictures."</p>
+
+<p>But some authors are their own publishers, and they are then generally
+more careful of the illustrations. Perhaps the most exacting of all
+authors was "Lewis Carroll."</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 230px; ">
+<img src="images/img101.jpg" width="230" height="287" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>he name of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson is practically unknown outside of
+Oxford University, where he was mathematical lecturer of Christ Church;
+but the name and fame of "Lewis Carroll," author of those inimitable
+books for children, both young and old, "Alice's Adventures in
+Wonderland" and "Through the Looking-glass and what Alice found there,"
+are known and beloved all over the world. His first book for children,
+"Alice's Adventures," was published at a time exactly to suit me. I was
+just eleven&mdash;<i>the</i> age <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span> to be first impressed by the pen of
+Carroll and the pencil of Tenniel.</p>
+
+<p>When I, a little, a very little boy in knickerbockers, first enjoyed the
+adventures of Alice and worshipped the pen and the pencil which recorded
+them, I little thought I would some day work hand in hand with the
+author, and when that day did arrive I regretted that I had not been
+born twenty-two years before I had, for for me to follow Tenniel was
+quite as difficult and unsatisfactory a task as for Carroll to follow
+Carroll. The worst of it was that I was conscious of this, and Lewis
+Carroll was not. Fortunately for me Sylvie was not like her prototype
+Alice; the illustrations for Sylvie would not have suited Tenniel as
+Alice did. I therefore did not fear comparison, but what I did fear was
+that Carroll would not be Carroll, and Carroll wasn't&mdash;he was Dodgson. I
+wish I had illustrated him when he was Carroll; that he was not the
+Carroll of "Alice" is plainly indicated in his life in the following
+passage:<a href="#Footnote_1" name="FnAnchor_1"><sup>[1]</sup></a> "The publication of 'Sylvie and Bruno' marks an epoch in its
+author's life, for it was the publication of all the ideals and
+sentiments which he held most dear. It was a book with a definite
+purpose; it would be more true to say with several definite purposes.
+For this very reason it is not an artistic triumph as the two 'Alice'
+books undoubtedly are; it is on a lower literary level, there is no
+unity in the story. But from a higher standpoint, that of the Christian
+and the philanthropist, the book is the best thing he ever wrote. It is
+a noble effort to uphold the right, or what he thought to be the right,
+without fear of contempt or unpopularity. The influence which his
+earlier books had given him he was determined to use in asserting
+neglected truths.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot2"><p><a href="#FnAnchor_1" name="Footnote_1">[1]</a> "The Life and Letters of Lewis Carroll," by Stuart Dodgson
+Collingwood (Fisher Unwin).</p></div>
+
+<p>"Of course the story has other features&mdash;delightful nonsense not
+surpassed by anything in 'Wonderland,' childish prattle with all the
+charm of reality about it, and pictures which may fairly be said to
+rival those of Sir John Tenniel. Had these been all, the book would have
+been a great success. As things are, there are probably hundreds of
+readers who have been scared by <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span> the religious arguments and
+political discussions which make up a large part of it, and who have
+never discovered that Sylvie is just as entrancing a personage as Alice
+when you get to know her."</p>
+
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img103.jpg" width="350" height="457" alt="INSTRUCTIONS IN A LETTER FROM LEWIS CARROLL." title="INSTRUCTIONS IN A LETTER FROM LEWIS CARROLL." />
+<span class="caption">INSTRUCTIONS IN A LETTER FROM LEWIS CARROLL.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The character of the book was a bitter disappointment to me. I did not
+want to illustrate a book of his with any "purpose" other than the
+purpose of delightful amusement, as "Alice" was. Tenniel had point-blank
+refused to illustrate another story for Carroll&mdash;he was, Tenniel told
+me, "impossible"&mdash;and Carroll evidently was not satisfied with other
+artists he had tried, as he wrote me: "I have a considerable mass of
+chaotic materials for a story, but have never had the heart to go to
+work to construct the story as a whole, owing to its seeming so hopeless
+that I should ever find a suitable artist. Now that <i>you</i> are found,"
+etc. That was in 1885, and we worked together for seven years. Tenniel
+and other artists declared I would not work with Carroll for seven
+weeks! I accepted the challenge, but I, for that purpose, adopted quite
+a new method. No artist <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span> is more matter-of-fact or businesslike
+than myself: to Carroll I was not Hy. F., but someone else, as <i>he</i> was
+someone else. I was wilful and erratic, bordering on insanity. We
+therefore got on splendidly.</p>
+
+<p>Of course it was most interesting to me to study such a genius at such a
+time, and in recording my experiences and impressions of Lewis Carroll
+my object is not so much to deal with the actual illustration to those
+ill-conceived books "Sylvie and Bruno," but to deal with my impressions
+of the man obtained by working with him for so long, for to have known
+the man was even as great a treat as to read his books. Lewis Carroll
+was as unlike any other man as his books were unlike any other author's
+books. It was a relief to meet the pure simple, innocent dreamer of
+children, after the selfish commercial mind of most authors. Carroll was
+a wit, a gentleman, a bore and an egotist&mdash;and, like Hans Andersen, a
+spoilt child. It is recorded of Andersen that he actually shed tears,
+even in late life, should the cake at tea be handed to anyone before he
+chose the largest slice. Carroll was not selfish, but a liberal-minded,
+liberal-handed philanthropist, but his egotism was all but second
+childhood.</p>
+
+<p>He informed my wife that she was the most privileged woman in the world,
+for she knew the man who knew his (Lewis Carroll's) ideas&mdash;that ought to
+content her. She must not <i>see</i> a picture or read a line of the MS.; it
+was sufficient for her to gaze at me outside of my studio with
+admiration and respect, as the only man besides Lewis Carroll himself
+with a knowledge of Lewis Carroll's forthcoming work. Furthermore he
+sent me an elaborate document to sign committing myself to secrecy. This
+I indignantly declined to sign. "My word was as good as my bond," I
+said, and, striking an attitude, I hinted that I would "strike,"
+inasmuch as I would not work for years isolated from my wife and
+friends. I was therefore no doubt looked upon by him as a lunatic. That
+was what I wanted. I was allowed to show my wife the drawings, and he
+wrote: "For my own part I have shown <i>none</i> of the MS. to anybody; and,
+though I have let some special friends see the pictures, I have <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span> uniformly declined to <i>explain</i>
+them. 'May I ask so-and-so?' they enquire. 'Certainly!' I reply; "you
+may <i>ask</i> as many questions as you like!' That is all they get out of
+me."</p>
+
+<p>But his egotism carried him still further. He was determined no one
+should read his MS. but he and I; so in the dead of night (he sometimes
+wrote up to 4 a.m.) he cut his MS. into horizontal strips of four or
+five lines, then placed the whole of it in a sack and shook it up;
+taking out piece by piece, he pasted the strips down as they happened to
+come. The result, in such an MS., dealing with nonsense on one page and
+theology on another, was audacious in the extreme, if not absolutely
+profane&mdash;for example:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1"><p>"And I found myself repeating, as I left the Church, the words of Jacob,
+when he '<i>awaked out of his sleep</i>,' surely the Lord is in this.</p>
+
+<p>"And once more those shrill discordant tones rang out:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem">
+<span class="i0">"'He thought he saw a Banker's Clerk<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Descending from a bus;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He looked again, and found it was&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">A Hippopotamus.'"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>These incongruous strips were elaborately and mysteriously marked with
+numbers and letters and various hieroglyphics, to decipher which would
+really have turned my assumed eccentricity into positive madness. I
+therefore sent the whole MS. back to him, and again threatened to
+strike! This had the desired effect. I then received MS. I could read,
+although frequently puzzled by its being mixed up with Euclid and
+problems in abstruse mathematics.</p>
+
+<p>I soon discovered that I had undertaken a far more difficult task than I
+anticipated, for in the first letter of instructions I received from the
+author he frankly acknowledged I had my work "cut out." "Cut out"
+suggests dressmaking, the very subject first chosen for discussion and
+correspondence.</p>
+
+<p>The extraordinary workings of this unique mind are shown by quotations
+from his letters to me:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1"><p>"I think I had better explain part of the plot, as to these two&mdash;Sylvie
+and Bruno. They are not fairies right through the book&mdash;but <i>children</i>.
+All these conditions make their <i>dress</i> rather a puzzle. They mustn't have
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span>
+<i>wings</i>; that is clear. And it must be <i>quite</i> the common dress of London
+life. It should be as fanciful as possible, so as <i>just</i> to be presentable in
+Society. The friends might be able to say 'What oddly-dressed children!'
+but they oughtn't to say 'They are not human!'</p>
+
+<p>"Now I think you'll say you have 'got your work cut out for you,' to
+invent a suitable dress!"</p>
+</div>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img106.jpg" width="350" height="446" alt="SPECIMEN OF LEWIS CARROLL'S DRAWING AND WRITING." title="SPECIMEN OF LEWIS CARROLL'S DRAWING AND WRITING." />
+<span class="caption">SPECIMEN OF LEWIS CARROLL'S DRAWING AND WRITING.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>How I wish I had had those dresses cut out for me! The above
+instructions were quickly followed by other suggestions which added to
+my already scanty idea of a costume suitable to Kensington Gardens and
+to fairyland! I was thinking this difficulty would be lessened if the
+story took place in winter, when I received another letter, which I must
+frankly confess rather alarmed me:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1"><p>"As to the dresses of these children in their fairy state (we shall
+sometimes have them mixing in Society, and supposed to be real children;
+and for <i>that</i> they must, I suppose, be dressed as in ordinary life, but
+<i>eccentrically</i>, so as to make a little distinction). I <i>wish</i> I dared
+dispense with <i>all</i> costume; naked children are so perfectly pure and
+lovely, but Mrs. Grundy would be furious&mdash;it would never do. Then the
+question is, how little dress will content her? Bare legs and feet we
+<i>must</i> have, at any rate. I so entirely detest that monstrous fashion
+<i>high heels</i> (and in fact have planned an attack on it in this very
+book), that I cannot possibly allow my sweet little heroine to be
+victimised by it."</p> </div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Another monstrous fashion he condemns refers to a picture of his
+grown-up heroine in London Society:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1"><p>"Could you cut off those high shoulders from her sleeves? Why
+should we pay any deference to a hideous fashion that will be extinct a
+year hence? Next to the unapproachable ugliness of 'crinoline,' I think
+these high-shouldered sleeves are the worst things invented for ladies in
+our time. Imagine how horrified they would be if one of their daughters
+were <i>really</i> shaped like that!"</p> </div>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px; ">
+<img src="images/img107.jpg" width="500" height="292" alt="SKETCH BY LEWIS CARROLL" title="SKETCH BY LEWIS CARROLL" />
+<span class="caption">ORIGINAL SKETCH BY LEWIS CARROLL OF HIS CHARMING HERO AND HEROINE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I did make a note of a horrified mother with a nineteenth century
+malformation, but I did not send it to the author, as it struck me, when
+re-reading his letter, he was possibly serious. Still we had Sylvie's
+dress, Mrs. Grundy, crinolines, and high heels to discuss:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1"><p>"As to your Sylvie I am charmed with your idea of dressing her in
+<i>white</i>; it exactly fits my own idea of her; I want her to be a sort of
+embodiment of Purity. So I think that, in Society, she should be wholly
+in white&mdash;white frock ('clinging' certainly; I <i>hate</i> crinoline
+fashion): also I <i>think</i> we might venture on making her <i>fairy</i> dress
+transparent. Don't you think we might face Mrs. Grundy to <i>that</i> extent?
+In fact I think Mrs. G. would be fairly content at finding her
+<i>dressed</i>, and would not mind whether the material was silk, or muslin,
+or even gauze. One thing more. <i>Please</i> don't give Sylvie high heels!
+They are an abomination to me."</p> </div>
+
+<p>Then for months we corresponded about the face of the Heroine alone. My
+difficulty was increased by the fact that the fairy child Sylvie and the
+Society grown-up Lady Muriel were one and the same person! So I received
+reams of written descriptions and piles of useless photographs intended
+to inspire me to draw with a few lines a face embodying his ideal in a
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span> space not larger than a threepenny-piece. By one post I would
+receive a batch of photographs of some young lady Lewis Carroll fancied
+had one feature, or half a feature, of that ideal he had conjured up in
+his own mind as his heroine.</p>
+
+<p>He invited me to visit friends of his, and strangers too, from John o'
+Groats to Land's End, so as to collect fragments of faces. <i>A propos</i> of
+this I wrote in an artists' magazine a brief account of artists'
+difficulties with the too exacting author. (It is quite safe to write
+anything about Judges and Dons: they never read anything.) I described
+how I received the author's recipe for constructing the ideal heroine. I
+am not to take <i>one</i> model for the lady-child or child-lady. I am to
+take <i>several</i>; for all know no face&mdash;at least, no face with expression,
+or with plenty of life or good abilities, or when showing depth of
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img108.jpg" width="500" height="175" alt="LEWIS CARROLL'S NOTE" title="LEWIS CARROLL'S NOTE" /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 500px; ">LEWIS CARROLL'S NOTE TO ME FOR A PATHETIC PICTURE.</span>
+
+religious thought&mdash;is perfect. I am therefore to go to Eastbourne to see
+and study the face of Miss Matilda Smith, in a pastry-cook's shop, for
+the eyes. I am to visit Eastbourne and eat buns and cakes, gazing the
+while into the beauteous eyes of Miss Smith. Then in Glasgow there is a
+Miss O'Grady, "with oh, such a perfect nose! Could I run up to Scotland
+to make a sketch of it?" A letter of introduction is enclosed, and, as a
+precaution, I am enjoined that I "must not mind her squint." But I <i>do</i>
+mind, and I am sure the blemish would sadly mar my proper judgment of
+the lovely feature for gazing on which those eyes have lost their
+rectitude. For the ears a journey to Brighton to see Miss Robinson, the
+Vicar's daughter, is recommended. No, she may listen, think I, to the
+"sad sea-waves," or to her father's sermons, but never to any flattery
+from me. The mouth I shall find in Cardiff&mdash;not an English or Welsh
+mouth, but a sweet Spaniard's Señora Niccolomino, the daughter of a
+merchant there. In imagination I picture that cigarette held so lovingly
+in those <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span> perfect lips. But I am to draw an English heroine of
+fifteen innocent summers&mdash;how those curly wreaths of pearly smoke would
+disenchant my mind of the spell of youth and innocence! For the hair I
+must go to Brighton; for the figure to a number of different places. In
+fact, my author had mapped out a complete tour for me. Had he never
+heard the old story of the artist who was determined to paint a
+perfectly correct figure, strictly in accordance with the orthodox rules
+of art? As he painted a portion he covered it up, and so went on until
+the figure was complete. When it was finished he tore off the covering.
+The result was hideous! He went mad! I feel sure that fate would have
+been mine had I attempted to carry out Lewis Carroll's instructions. I
+therefore worked on my own lines with success. As his biographer states:
+"Meanwhile, with much interchange of correspondence between author and
+artist, the pictures for the new fairy tale, 'Sylvie and Bruno,' were
+being gradually evolved. Each of them was subjected by Lewis Carroll to
+the most minute criticism&mdash;hypercriticism, perhaps, occasionally." Still
+he was enthusiastic in his praise, and absurdly generous in his thanks.
+He was jealous that I would not disclose to him who my model was for
+Sylvie. When dining with us many a smile played over the features of my
+children when he cross-questioned me on this point. Repeatedly he wrote
+to me: "How old is your model for Sylvie? And may I have her name and
+address?" "My friend Miss E. G. Thomson, an artist great in 'fairies,'
+would be glad to know of her, I'm sure," and so on.</p>
+
+<p>The fairy Sylvie was my own daughter! All the children in his books I
+illustrated were my own children; yet this fact never struck him! He
+visited us in the country when I was at work, and I soon afterwards
+received the following letter:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1"><p>"Thanks. I was not aware that the boy, whose photo I sent you, had
+far-apart eyes. If you think (and you are <i>quite</i> the best judge of the
+point) that these eyes are needed in order to give to the face the fun
+and roguery I want expressed, by all means retain them.</p>
+
+<p>"It had occurred to me to write and beg that, if Arundel did not furnish
+all requisite models for drawing from life, you would let all portions
+of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span> pictures which would have to be done without models or wait
+till you return to town, <i>wait</i>. But as I think you definitely told me
+that you never do the finished pictures <i>except</i> from life, I presume
+the petition to be superfluous."</p> </div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img110.jpg" width="500" height="521" alt="SYLVIE AND BRUNO." title="SYLVIE AND BRUNO." />
+<span class="caption">SYLVIE AND BRUNO. MY ORIGINAL DRAWING FOR LEWIS CARROLL.<br />
+(<i>Never published</i>.)</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>When I received this letter at Arundel my second boy was sitting in his
+bathing costume on a garden-roller on the lawn for a picture of Bruno
+sitting on a dead mouse. I was chaffing my model about flirting with a
+young lady he met at a children's garden party, and threatened to inform
+his sweetheart in London, when he assured me with knowingness, "Fact is,
+papa, the young lady here is all right for the country, you know&mdash;but
+she would <i>never</i> do in town!"</p>
+
+<p>It was the same idea as Lewis Carroll's about models.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img111.jpg" width="350" height="524" alt="I GO MAD!" title="I GO MAD!" />
+<span class="caption">I GO MAD!</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>As I have brought my family into this, I may mention that there is one
+picture in "Sylvie and Bruno" (vol. i., p. 134) which <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span> brings back to me the only
+sorrowful hour I had in connection with the otherwise enjoyable work. My
+wife was very ill&mdash;so ill it was a question of life and death. Expert
+opinion was called in, and the afternoon I had to make that
+drawing&mdash;with my own children as models&mdash;the "consultation" was being
+held in my wife's room. Carroll was on his way from Oxford to see the
+work, and I was drawing against time. It's the old story of the clown
+with the sick wife. Caricaturists are after all but clowns of the
+pencil. They must raise a laugh whatever their state of mind may be. For
+a long time I never would show Lewis Carroll my work, for the simple
+reason I did not do it. He thought I was at work, but I was not. That's
+where my acting eccentricity came in. I knew that I would have to draw
+the subjects "right off," not one a month or one in six months.
+Correspondence for three months, as a rule, led to work for one week.
+Isolated verse I did let him have the illustrations for, but not the
+body of the book. This was my only chance, and I arrived at this secrecy
+by the following bold stroke.</p>
+
+<p>Lewis Carroll came from Oxford one evening, early in the history of the
+work, to dine, and afterwards to see a batch of work. He ate little,
+drank little, but enjoyed a few glasses of sherry, his favourite wine.
+"Now," he said, "for the studio!" I rose and led the way. My wife sat in
+astonishment. She knew I had nothing to show. Through the drawing-room,
+down the steps of the conservatory to the door of my studio. My hand is
+on the handle. Through excitement Lewis Carroll <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span> stammers worse
+than ever. Now to see the work for his great book! I pause, turn my back
+to the closed door, and thus address the astonished Don: "Mr. Dodgson, I
+am <i>very</i> eccentric&mdash;I cannot help it! Let me explain to you clearly,
+before you enter my studio, that my eccentricity sometimes takes a
+violent form. If I, in showing my work, discover in your face the
+slightest sign that you are not <i>absolutely</i> satisfied with any particle
+of this work in progress, the <i>whole</i> of it goes into the fire! It is a
+risk: will you accept it, or will you wait till I have the drawings
+<i>quite</i> finished and send them to Oxford?"</p>
+
+<p>"I&mdash;I&mdash;I ap&mdash;appreciate your feelings&mdash;I&mdash;I&mdash;should feel the same
+myself. I am off to Oxford!" and he went.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img112.jpg" width="500" height="156" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>I sent him drawings as they were finished, and each parcel brought back
+a budget of letter-writing, each page being carefully numbered. This is
+the top of page 5 in his 49,874th letter. I am not sure if I received
+all the remaining 49,873 letters in the seven years. To meet him and to
+work for him was to me a great treat. I put up with his
+eccentricities&mdash;real ones, not sham like mine.&mdash;I put up with a great
+deal of boredom, for he was a bore at times, and I worked over seven
+years with his illustrations, in which the actual working hours would
+not have occupied me more than seven weeks, purely out of respect for
+his genius. I treated him as a problem, and I solved him, and had he
+lived I would probably have still worked with him. He remunerated me
+liberally for my work; still, he actually proposed that in addition I
+should partake of the profits; his gratitude was overwhelming. "I am
+grateful; and I feel sure that if <i>pictures</i> could sell a book 'Sylvie
+and Bruno' would sell like wildfire."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Perhaps the most pleasant confession I have to make is my fondness for
+children. They always interest and amuse me more than "grown-ups." The
+commonplace talk is to them unknown; it is full of surprises.</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps the nursery's record of my family is not longer or any more
+interesting than the sayings and doings of the youngsters of any other
+family; still a few extracts may interest those who, like myself, are
+interested in first impressions.</p>
+
+<p>My eldest, just entering on his teens, had as companions two brothers
+and one sister. Hearing there was an addition to this little family
+group, he, dressed in flannels, ran into my studio, bat in hand, "Papa,
+is it a boy or a girl?"</p>
+
+<p>"A boy."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, I am so glad. I do want a wicket-keeper, and Dorothy can't
+wicket-keep a bit."</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img113.jpg" width="250" height="393" alt="I DO WANT A WICKET-KEEPER!" title="I DO WANT A WICKET-KEEPER!" />
+<span class="caption">"I DO WANT A WICKET-KEEPER!"</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>A stoutly-made little fellow of eight, to his mother, who happened to be
+extremely thin:</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, mother, I do believe you must be the very sweetest woman in the
+world!"</p>
+
+<p>"Thanks very much, Lawrence. But why so affectionate? What do you want?"</p>
+
+<p>"I don't want anything. I only know you must be the very sweetest woman
+in the world."</p>
+
+<p>"Really, you are too flattering. Why this sudden outburst of affection?"</p>
+
+<p>"Well, you know, I've been thinking over the old, old saying, 'The
+nearer the bone the sweeter the meat.'"</p>
+
+<p>Children, I think, have the art of "leading up" to jokes better than
+adults. They hear some strange remark, they naturally analyse it, and it
+suggests an application. For instance, this brat possibly objected to
+some portion of meat at table. His mother had reminded of the old
+saying, "The nearer the bone the sweeter the meat." Thin
+mother,&mdash;there's the application.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>One of my youngsters ran into the drawing-room at five o'clock tea. A
+lady visitor thus addressed him:</p>
+
+<p>"Come here, my little man. I suppose when you grow up you will be an
+artist, like your father?"</p>
+
+<p>"My father is not an artist."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, my dear, he <i>is</i> an artist."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, no, no, no, my father is not an artist&mdash;he's only a black and white
+man. I am going to be an artist in all colours."</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img114.jpg" width="400" height="608" alt="PORTION OF LETTER FROM LAWRENCE, AGE 9." title="PORTION OF LETTER FROM LAWRENCE, AGE 9." />
+<span class="caption">PORTION OF LETTER FROM LAWRENCE, AGE 9.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>My own children have been my models, not only for Lewis Carroll's books,
+but for all my drawings of children. I have three boys and one girl.
+Dorothy is now a successful artist, and Lawrence is, at the age of
+eighteen, a professional draughtsman of mechanical subjects; my youngest
+is just out of his teens. Their portraits manifolded will be found in
+the page sketch from "Romps" Du Maurier wrote me a most graceful
+appreciation of these books, which, considering his delightful pictures
+of children in <i>Punch</i>, was most gratifying to me.</p>
+
+<p>An artist for whose work I have the greatest admiration was the late
+Randolph Caldecott, and the only occasion on which I had the pleasure of
+meeting him was of a semi-theatrical kind. It was at one of the
+"Artists' Tableaux" which were given in London some years ago. In those
+produced in Piccadilly I took no part, and the entertainment to which I
+refer was held at the Mansion House.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum' style="clear: both; "><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img115.jpg" width="600" height="344" alt="REDUCTION FROM A DESIGN FOR MY ROMPS" title="REDUCTION FROM A DESIGN FOR MY ROMPS" />
+<span class="caption">REDUCTION FROM A DESIGN FOR MY "ROMPS."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>At the last moment, in order to complete one of the pictures, a portly
+Dutchman was required, and a telegram was despatched to me to enquire
+whether I would represent the character. A dress, which was not a very
+good fit, was provided for me by the costumier of the show, and with the
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img117.jpg" width="400" height="552" alt="PORTION OF A LETTER FROM GEORGE DU MAURIER." title="PORTION OF A LETTER FROM GEORGE DU MAURIER." /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 400px; ">PORTION OF A LETTER FROM GEORGE DU MAURIER.</span>
+
+aid of a little padding, a good deal of rouge, a long clay pipe, and a
+bottle of schnapps, I managed to look something like the inflated
+Hollander I was representing, in the centre of the group, where I was
+supposed to be looking on at a game of bowls. Caldecott, who was placed
+at a window, flirting with the maids of the Queen, was attired in a
+graceful costume of the most faultless description, surmounted by a
+magnificent hat with a sweeping brim and splendid feathers, upon which
+he had expended no little pains and money. My head-gear consisted of a
+very insignificant stage property hat, but as I was not intended to
+contribute an element of beauty to the picture, that didn't matter. The
+tableau was arranged by <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span> Mr. E. A. Abbey, and when taking his
+last look round before the curtain was raised, his artistic eye detected
+that more black was required in the centre. While we were thus in our
+allotted positions, and straining every nerve to remain perfectly
+rigid&mdash;an ordeal which, by the way, I never wish to go through again, as
+I had hard work to restrain myself from breaking out into a Highland
+fling or an Irish jig, or calling out "Boo!" to the audience to relieve
+my pent-up feelings&mdash;Mr. Abbey suddenly seized the superb hat on
+Caldecott's head, which the latter had had specially made, and in which
+he really fancied himself, handed it to me, and to Caldecott's horror,
+and almost before he was conscious that he had been made ridiculous by
+the wretched remnant which had been sent from Bow Street for me, the
+curtain was rung up.</p>
+
+<p>I confess I have a certain amount of pity, closely akin to contempt, for
+the artist who must have the actual character he wants to paint, who
+cannot use a model merely for reference, but paints in everything like a
+photograph. Some artists call such feebleness conscientiousness, but to
+me it seems mere weakness. Must an author paint each character in his
+book, or an actor take his every impersonation on the stage, minutely
+from some living model? Surely observation and natural originality is
+more than the photographic copying of your "conscientious" artist! Worse
+feebleness still it is when an artist has to paint a well-known
+character, say King Lear or Mary Queen of Scots, and goes about hunting
+for a living person as near as possible in appearance to the original,
+and then costumes and slavishly reproduces him or her, without any show
+of judgment or insight after the model is once selected. And this lack
+of insight into character seems deplorably prevalent among our figure
+painters, for how often we see in the exhibitions the model with a "good
+head" tamely reproduced over and over again&mdash;here as a monk, there as a
+Polonius, Thomas à Becket, a "blind beggar," "His Excellency," a
+pensioner, or painted by some artist who wants to make a bid for
+portraiture as "A portrait of a gentleman"!</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img119a.jpg" width="350" height="166" alt="A TRANSFORMATION." title="A TRANSFORMATION." />
+<span class="caption">A TRANSFORMATION.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Black and white men have to introduce so many characters into their
+work, they are obliged to invent them; but it is a curious fact that
+this facility disappears at times. The late Mr. Fred Barnard, clever as
+he was at inventing character for his black and white work, found, when
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img119b.jpg" width="250" height="362" alt="" title="" /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 250px; "></span>
+
+he was painting in oil, that confidence had left him, and he spent
+several days wandering about London to find real characters for a
+picture he was painting representing the jury in "Pilgrim's Progress."
+One day in Oxford Street he saw a hansom-cab driver with a face besotted
+with drink and "ripe" for production as a slave to Bacchus. Barnard
+hailed the hansom, jumped in, and directed the jehu to drive him to his
+studio on Haverstock Hill. In going up the Hampstead Road a tram-car ran
+over a child. Barnard was terribly upset by the touching sight, and told
+the driver to pull up at the nearest tavern. Getting out, he looked at
+his "subject," intending to invite him to refreshment before taking him
+on to his studio, where he intended to paint him. To his horror the face
+of the bibulous cabman had lost all its "colour," and was of a pale
+greenish hue.</p>
+
+<p>"That was horful, sir, warn't it? It'll upset me for a week."</p>
+
+<p>The disappointed artist dismissed his "subject."</p>
+
+<p>Much could be written of this genuine humourist. His buoyant fun was
+irrepressible; indoors and out of doors he entertained himself&mdash;and
+sometimes his friends&mdash;with his jokes. In his studio he kept as pets
+some little tortoises. They were allowed to crawl about as they liked,
+but he had painted on their backs caricatures&mdash;a laughing face, a
+sour-green face, one with a look of horror, another of mischief. A
+visitor seated unaware <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span> of these would suddenly spring off the
+sofa as the walking mask slowly appeared from underneath it! Barnard's
+power of mimicry was great, and his jokes were as excellent as his
+drawings. Even when sitting before the camera for his photograph, he had
+his little joke.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img120.jpg" width="350" height="489" alt="BARNARD AND THE MODELS." title="BARNARD AND THE MODELS." />
+<span class="caption">BARNARD AND THE MODELS.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>There are a number of girls who go the round of the studios, but have no
+right whatever to do so. They generally hunt in pairs, and this habit
+surely distinguishes them from the real model. They are more easily
+drawn than described. Two of this class once called on Barnard.</p>
+
+<p>"What do you sit for?" he asked.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, anything, sir."</p>
+
+<p>"Ah, I am a figure man, you are no use to me, but there is a friend of
+mine over there who is now painting a landscape&mdash;I think you might do
+very well for a haystack; and your friend might try studio No. 5 and sit
+for a thunder-cloud, the artist there is starting a stormy piece&mdash;oh,
+good morning." Tableau!</p>
+
+<p>A wretched individual once called upon me and begged me to give him a
+sitting. I asked him to sit for what I was at work upon: this was a
+wicket-keeper in a cricket match bending over the wicket. I assured the
+man he need not apologise, as he had really turned up at an opportune
+moment; the drawing was "news," and it had to be finished that day. When
+I had shown my model the position and made him understand exactly what I
+wanted, I noticed to my surprise that he was trembling all over. I
+immediately asked him if he were cold.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 210px; ">
+<img src="images/img121.jpg" width="210" height="689" alt="I SIT FOR 'ANDS, SIR." title="I SIT FOR 'ANDS, SIR." />
+<span class="caption">"I SIT FOR 'ANDS, SIR."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"No."</p>
+
+<p>"Nervous?"</p>
+
+<p>"No."</p>
+
+<p>"Then why not keep still?"</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Well, that's just what I can't do, sir! I had to give up my occupation
+because, sir, I am hafflicted with the palsy, and when I bend I do
+tremble so. I only sit for 'ands, sir&mdash;for 'ands to portrait painters. I
+close 'em for a military gent&mdash;I open 'em for a bishop&mdash;but when the
+hartist is hin a 'urry I know as 'ow to 'ide one 'and in my pocket and
+the hother hunder a cocked 'at."</p>
+
+<p>Hiding hands recalls to me a fact I may mention in justice to our modern
+English caricaturists. We never make capital out of our subjects'
+deformities. This I pointed out at a dinner in Birmingham a few years
+ago, at which I was the guest of the evening, and as I was addressing
+journalists I mention this fact in justice to myself and my brother
+caricaturists. As it happened, that afternoon I had heard Mr. Gladstone
+making his first speech in the opening of Parliament, 1886, after being
+returned in Opposition. Turning round to his young supporters, he used
+for the first time the now famous expression "an old Parliamentary
+hand," holding up at the same time a hand on which there were only three
+fingers. Now had I drawn that hand as it was, minus the first finger,
+showing the black patch? It would have been tempting on the part of a
+foreign caricaturist, because it had a curious application under the
+circumstances. (But it would be noticed that in my sketch in <i>Punch</i> the
+first finger, which really did not exist, is prominently shown.) This
+was the first time the fact was made public that Mr. Gladstone had not
+the first finger on the left hand; since then, however, all artists,
+humorous or serious, were careful to show Mr. Gladstone's left hand as
+pointed out by me.</p>
+
+<p>Now I had noticed this for years in the House, and I hold as an argument
+that men are not observant the fact that Members who had sat in the
+House with Mr. Gladstone, on the same benches, for years, assured me
+that they had never noticed <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span> his hand before I made this matter
+public. So that when I am told that I misrepresent portraits of
+prominent men I always point to this fact.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Gladstone was careful to hide the deformity in his photographs, but
+in his usual energetic manner in the House the black patch in place of
+the finger was on many occasions in no way concealed.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img122.jpg" width="600" height="272" alt="A PUNCH ENGRAVING" title="A PUNCH ENGRAVING" />
+<span class="caption">A <i>PUNCH</i> ENGRAVING, DRAWN ON WOOD.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>These are plebeian models, but sometimes artists' friends recommend
+amateur models&mdash;a broken-down gentleman or some other poor relation&mdash;and
+when you are drawing social modern subjects, of course these are really
+of more use than the badly-dressed professional model.</p>
+
+<p>On "Private View Day" at the Royal Academy a few years ago a knot of
+artists and their wives were in one of the rooms; it was late, and few
+of the visitors remained. The attention of the artists was attracted by
+a stately and beautiful being who entered and went round examining the
+pictures.</p>
+
+<p>"How charming!" remarked one.</p>
+
+<p>"Delightful!" replied another.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, if she would but sit to me!" prayed a third.</p>
+
+<p>"Why not ask her?" asked the practical one. "If anyone can, you can; so
+remember that faint heart never won fair sitter!"</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Well, here goes!" whispered the cavalier, Mr. Val Prinsep, R.A., in the
+tone of one about to lead a forlorn hope, and he charged desperately
+across the gallery. He approached the fair stranger, and politely taking
+off his hat said diffidently:</p>
+
+<p>"Madam, I am one of the Academy. Should you wish to know anything about
+the pictures I shall be glad&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, thanks. I know a good deal about them."</p>
+
+<p>"Indeed! Then you will understand how we artists are always on the
+look-out for beauty to paint&mdash;and&mdash;ah&mdash;hm&mdash;well, you see I&mdash;that is we"
+(pointing to the group) "were so struck with your presence
+that&mdash;ah&mdash;pardon my abruptness&mdash;we thought that if such a thing were
+possible you might condescend to allow one of us to make a study of your
+head&mdash;ah."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, with pleasure," said the fair visitor, taking from her hand-bag a
+neat little note-book, and opening it, she said:</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I have only got Sundays and one Wednesday next month
+disengaged,&mdash;I have got sittings on every other day. Will this be of any
+use to you?"</p>
+
+<p>She was a model!</p>
+
+<p>The first house I occupied after I married faced one occupied by a
+well-known and worthy fiery-tempered man of letters, and it so happened
+that one evening my wife and I were dining at the house of another
+neighbour. We were gratified to learn that our celebrated <i>vis-à-vis</i>,
+hearing we had come to live in the same square, was anxious to make our
+acquaintance. On our return home that night we discovered the latch-key
+had been forgotten, and unfortunately our knocking and ringing failed to
+arouse the domestics. It was not long, however, before we awoke our
+neighbours, and a window of the house opposite was violently thrown
+open, and language all the stronger by being endowed with literary merit
+came from that man of letters, who in the dark was unable to see the
+particular neighbours offending him, and he referred to my wife and
+myself in a way that could not be passed over. A battle of words ensued
+in which I was proved the victor, and my neighbour beat a hasty retreat.
+Before retiring I wrote a note to the friend we had just left to say
+that in the circumstances I refused to know my <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span> neighbour, and
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img124.jpg" width="300" height="638" alt="MY FIGHTING DOUBLE." title="MY FIGHTING DOUBLE." /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 300px; ">MY FIGHTING DOUBLE.</span>
+
+he had better inform him that I would on the first opportunity punch his
+head. By the same post I wrote for a particular model,&mdash;a retired
+pugilist. As soon as he arrived next morning I placed him at the window
+of my studio facing the opposite house, now and then sending him down to
+the front door to stand on the doorstep to await some imaginary person,
+and to keep his eye on the house opposite. I went on with my work in
+peace. Presently a note came:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1"><p><span class="smcap">"Dear Furniss</span>,&mdash;Your neighbour has sent round to ask me what you are
+like. He has never seen you till this morning, and he is frightened to
+leave his house. He implores me to apologise for him."</p></div>
+
+<p>He departed from the neighbourhood shortly afterwards.</p>
+
+<p>Sad to relate that all Governmental undertakings of an artistic nature,
+from our most colossal public building or monument to the design of a
+postage stamp, are fair game for ridicule! The outward manifest record
+of the Post Office Jubilee&mdash;rather the "Post Office Jumble"&mdash;was the
+envelope and post card published by the Government and sold for one
+shilling. The pitiful character of the design, from an artistic point of
+view, shocked every person of taste; so I set to work and burlesqued it,
+strictly following the lines of the genuine article. A glance at my
+envelope alone, therefore, is sufficient to show the wretched quality of
+the original. It happened that the postmen's grievances were very
+prominent at that time. The Postmaster-General and the trade unionists
+and others were at fever heat, and excitement ran high. This
+caricature-parody, therefore, was a sketch with a purpose. It was said
+at one of the meetings that my pencil "may perhaps touch the public
+sympathy in behalf of the postman more effectually than any language has
+been able to do." The wretched thing was thought worthy of an article
+by Mr. M. H. Spielmann. My skit, it is needless to add, was very popular
+with the postmen. They showed their gratitude by saving many a
+misdirected letter. A letter addressed "Harry Furniss, London," has
+frequently found me, without the loss of a post.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum' style="clear: both; "><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px; clear: both">
+<img src="images/img125.jpg" width="500" height="632" alt="SPECIMEN OF MR. LINLEY SAMBOURNE'S ENVELOPES TO ME." title="SPECIMEN OF MR. LINLEY SAMBOURNE'S ENVELOPES TO ME." />
+<span class="caption">SPECIMEN OF MR. LINLEY SAMBOURNE'S ENVELOPES TO ME.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>I signed a certain number, which sold at 10<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i> each, and were
+bought up principally by the members of the Philatelic Society.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; clear: both">
+<img src="images/img127.jpg" width="600" height="269" alt="CHEQUE FOR 5&frac12;D." title="CHEQUE FOR 5&frac12;D." />
+<span class="caption">CHEQUE FOR 5&frac12;D. PASSED THROUGH TWO BANKS AND PAID.  I SIGNED IT
+<i>backwards</i>, AND IT WAS CANCELLED BY CLERK <i>backwards</i>.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Perhaps the publication of this "Post Office Jumble" card was also the
+cause of the puzzled postmen taking the trouble to decipher and deliver
+the far more amusing artistic jokes of that irrepressible joker, Mr.
+Linley Sambourne. By his permission I here publish a page, a selection
+of the envelopes he has sent me from time to time.</p>
+
+<p>It is bad enough purposely to puzzle the overworked
+letter-carriers&mdash;they are too often tried by unintentional touches of
+humour emanating from the most innocent and unsuspected members of the
+public&mdash;but I confess that I was once the innocent cause of Mr.
+Sambourne trying the same thing on with the overworked bank clerk.</p>
+
+<p>I sent my <i>Punch</i> friend a cheque, here reproduced, for the sum of
+&frac12;<i>d.</i>, payable to "Lynnlay Sam Bourne, Esqre," signed <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span>
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img128a.jpg" width="300" height="277" alt="SIR HENRY IRVING WRITES HIS NAME BACKWARDS." title="SIR HENRY IRVING WRITES HIS NAME BACKWARDS." /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 300px; ">SIR HENRY IRVING WRITES HIS NAME BACKWARDS.</span>
+
+by me backwards, crossed "Don't you wish you may get it and go."
+Sambourne endorsed it "L. Sam. Bourne," and sent it to his bank. The
+clerk went one better, and wrote "Cancelled" <i>backwards</i> across my
+reversed signature. It passed through my bank, and the money was paid.
+This is probably unique in the history of banking.</p>
+
+<p><i>A propos</i> of writing backwards, in days when artists made their
+drawings on wood everything of course had to be reversed, and writing
+backwards became quite easy. To this day I can write backwards nearly as
+quickly as I write in the ordinary way. One night at supper I was
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img128b.jpg" width="130" height="88" alt="SIR HENRY IRVING'S ATTEMPT." title="SIR HENRY IRVING'S ATTEMPT." /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 130px; ">SIR HENRY IRVING'S ATTEMPT.</span>
+
+explaining this, and furthermore told my friends that they themselves
+could write backwards&mdash;in fact, they could not avoid doing so. Not
+of course on the table, as I was doing, but by placing the sheet of
+paper against the table underneath, and writing with the point upwards.
+Perhaps my reader will try&mdash;and see the effect. For encouragement
+here are a few of the first attempts on that particular evening.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 220px; ">
+<img src="images/img128c.jpg" width="220" height="108" alt="MR. J. L. TOOLE'S FIRST ATTEMPT." title="MR. J. L. TOOLE'S FIRST ATTEMPT." />
+<span class="caption">MR. J. L. TOOLE'S FIRST ATTEMPT.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>A few years ago a banquet was given at the Mansion House to the
+representatives of French art; several English painters and others
+interested in art were invited to meet them. Previous to being presented
+to the Lord Mayor, every guest was requested to sign an autograph
+album&mdash;an unusual proceeding, I think, at a City dinner.
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img128d.jpg" width="150" height="42" alt="MR. J. L. TOOLE'S SECOND ATTEMPT." title="MR. J. L. TOOLE'S SECOND ATTEMPT." /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 150px; ">MR. J. L. TOOLE'S SECOND ATTEMPT.</span>
+
+Were I Lord Mayor I would compel my guests to sign their names&mdash;not on
+arrival, but when leaving the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span> Mansion House, and thus possess
+an autograph album of erratic graphology, and one worth studying. In
+company with my friend Mr. Whitworth Wallis, the curator of the
+Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery, I entered the Mansion House, when we
+were immediately accosted by a powdered flunkey in gorgeous uniform, in
+possession of the autograph album, who presented a truly magnificent pen
+at us, and in peremptory tones demanded our life or our signatures.
+Whitworth Wallis wrote his first, with a dash and confidence. I stood by
+and admired. "Oh," I said, taking the pen, "that's not half a dash; let
+me show you mine."</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px; ">
+<img src="images/img129.jpg" width="500" height="83" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>Jeames, in taking the pen from me, looked condescendingly over the page,
+and with the air of a justice delivering judgment said to me:</p>
+
+<p>"Beaten 'im by hinches, sir. Beaten 'im by hinches!"</p>
+
+<p>Months after that I gave an entertainment one evening at Woolwich. My
+audience was principally composed of Arsenal hands. On leaving the
+platform I was taken into the Athletic Club rooms, and asked to sign
+their autograph book and say a "few words" to the members. The few words
+consisted of the "record" I had made in the signing match I had with
+Mr. Wallis at the Mansion House&mdash;an incident which was brought to my
+mind suddenly when I took the pen in my hand. It so happened that
+Whitworth Wallis, who is a well-known lecturer on art matters, was on
+that same night lecturing in the North of England, and as he left the
+platform at the same hour as I at Woolwich, he was, like me, asked to
+sign an autograph book, and told the very same story to his friends in
+the North as I was telling under exactly similar circumstances, the same
+evening, at the same hour, in the South. Neither of us knew that the
+other was lecturing that night. It is not by any means a usual thing to
+be asked to sign a club album, and Wallis and I had not met or
+corresponded since the evening at the Mansion House.</p>
+
+<p>After working many years for the <i>Illustrated London News</i>,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span>
+I became a contributor to the <i>Graphic</i>, and for that journal
+wrote and illustrated a series of supplements upon "Life in
+Parliament"; but from this time forward it would be difficult
+to name any illustrated paper with which I have not at some
+time or other been connected. For instance, the <i>Yorkshire
+Post</i> a few years ago started a halfpenny evening paper, and
+sent their manager down to me to ask my honorarium to
+illustrate the first few numbers with character sketches of the
+members of the British Association, who were holding their
+meetings that week in Leeds. This was a happy thought, as
+the "British Asses," as they are too familiarly called, sent these
+first numbers of the paper all over the country; the new ship
+had something to start upon, and is now a prosperous concern.
+There are various stories about the sum I received for this work.
+It was a large sum for England, where enterprise of this kind is
+very rare. I was "billed" all over the town as if I were a
+Patti or Paderewski, and telegrams were sent to the London
+papers by the special reporters announcing the terms upon
+which I was at work; altogether it was a bit of Yankee
+booming that would have made a Harmsworth or a Newnes
+green with envy.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span></p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CARICATURE.</h2>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2>
+
+<h3>A CHAT BETWEEN MY PEN AND PENCIL.</h3>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in">What is Caricature?&mdash;Interviewing&mdash;Catching Caricatures&mdash;Pellegrini&mdash;The
+"Ha! Ha!"&mdash;Black and White <i>v</i>. Paint&mdash;How to make a
+Caricature&mdash;M.P.'s&mdash;My System&mdash;Mr. Labouchere's Attitude&mdash;Do the
+Subjects object?&mdash;Colour in Caricature&mdash;Caught!&mdash;A Pocket
+Caricature&mdash;The Danger of the Shirt-cuff&mdash;The Danger of a Marble
+Table&mdash;Quick Change&mdash;Advice to those about to Caricature.<br /><br /></p></div>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img131.jpg" width="250" height="379" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>I am asked what is caricature, how can I define it? Ah, here it is
+explained by some great authority&mdash;whom I cannot say, for I have it
+under the heading of "Cuttings from Colney Hatch," undated, unnamed.
+Kindly read it carefully:</p>
+
+<p>"The word itself, 'caricature,' is related etymologically to our own
+'cargo,' and means, in all Italian simplicity, a <i>loading</i>. So, then,
+the finely analytical quality of the Italian intellect, disengaging the
+ultimate (material) element out of all the (spiritual) elements of
+pictorial distortion and travesty, called it simply a 'loading.' After
+all, 'exageration' only substitutes the idea of mound, or <i>agger</i> for
+<i>carica</i>&mdash;the heaping up of a mound&mdash;for the common Italian word 'load'
+or 'cartload.' One can easily understand how a cold, cynical, and hating
+Neapolitan, pushed about by the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span> police for a likeness much too
+like, would shrug his shoulders, and say, possibly, the likeness was
+loaded. But when we look at the character of the loading, there may be
+anything there, from diabolical and malignant spite up to the simplest
+fun, to say nothing of the almost impossibility of drawing the real
+truth, and the almost necessary tendency to exaggerate one thing and
+diminish another. But if the Italian mind, with a head to be chopped off
+by a despot for a joke, discovered the colourless and impregnable word
+'load,' the French <i>gamin</i>, on his own responsibility, hit upon the
+identical word in French, namely, 'charge'&mdash;<i>une charge</i> meaning both a
+pictorial or verbal goak or caricature, and a load. When did the word
+'caricature' first obtain in the Italian language, and how? When did the
+word 'charge' acquire a similar meaning in France, and was it or not
+suggested by the Italian word? But the thing caricature goes back to the
+night of ages, and is in its origin connected with the subjective
+risible faculty on the one side and the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span> objective tendency to
+making faces on the other. Curiously enough, the original German ideas
+of caricature appear to have hinged precisely upon the distortion of the
+countenance, since <i>Fratze</i>, the leading word for caricature, signifies
+originally a grimace. Then we have <i>Posse</i>, buffoonery (Italian,
+<i>pazzie</i>), which, without original reference to drawing, would exactly
+express many of Mr. &mdash;&mdash;'s very exquisite drolleries, diving as they do
+into the weirdest genius&mdash;conceptions of night and of day, of dawn and
+of twilight&mdash;the mixture of the terrible, the grotesque, the gigantic,
+the infinitely little, the animal, the beast, the ethereal, the divinely
+loving, the diabolically cynical, the crawling, the high-bred, all in a
+universal salmagundi and lobster nightmare, mixing up the loveliest
+conceptions with croaking horrors, the eternal aurora with the
+everlasting <i>nitschewo</i> of the frozen, blinding steppe. Caricature! What
+can we English call it?"</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 610px; clear: both">
+<img src="images/img132.jpg" width="610" height="436" alt="THE STUDIO OF A CARICATURIST." title="THE STUDIO OF A CARICATURIST." />
+<span class="caption">THE STUDIO OF A CARICATURIST.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>What indeed after this? Except in despair we adopt the child's
+well-known definition&mdash;"First you think, and then you draw round the
+think." I have been more than once asked to deliver a lecture explaining
+the process. Of course such an idea is too absurd for serious
+consideration. The comic writer cannot give anyone a recipe for making
+jokes, nor can a comic actor show you how to grimace so as to make
+others laugh in this serious country. We are not taught to look at the
+comic side of things&mdash;any humorous element may grow, like Topsy,
+unaided&mdash;nor is the power given to many to explain to others their
+inventions. Bessemer, the inventor of the steel bearing his name, when
+he first made his discovery was asked to read a paper explaining his
+invention to a large meeting of experts. He had his carefully-prepared
+notes in front of him, but they only embarrassed him. He struggled to
+speak, but failed. Only the weight of the lumps of metal dangling in his
+coattail pocket kept him from collapsing. Suddenly he dived his hand
+into the pocket and produced a piece of steel, which he thumped on the
+table. "Bother the paper! Here is my steel, and I'll tell you how I made
+it!" So would it be with a caricaturist. After a struggle he would say,
+"Bother words, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span> words, words! Here is a pencil, and here is
+some paper. I'll show you how I caricature."</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img134.jpg" width="300" height="497" alt="CARICATURE OF ME BY MY DAUGHTER, AGE 15." title="CARICATURE OF ME BY MY DAUGHTER, AGE 15." />
+<span class="caption">CARICATURE OF ME BY MY DAUGHTER, AGE 15.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Personally, I have no objection to being caricatured&mdash;I frequently make
+caricatures of myself. Nor have I any objection to being interviewed&mdash;I
+interview myself. What else are these pages but interviews? I confess I
+fail to see any objection to a legitimate caricature or a legitimate
+interview. On the contrary, I look upon interviewing by an experienced
+and sympathetic writer as invaluable to a public man who is bringing out
+something novel and of interest to the public at large. It certainly
+seems to me judicious that he should give his preliminary ideas
+regarding it to the public firsthand, instead of allowing them to leak
+out in an unauthentic and disfigured form through the fervid
+imaginations of irresponsible scribes, leading to much misconception.</p>
+
+<p>But I do object to the incapable, be he an interviewer wielding the
+pencil or the pen. To illustrate my meaning I shall take the latter
+first. The pen in this case did his work in true professional style. He
+came to interview me, and by doing so to "boom" me for a journal which
+was about to make a feature of my contributions to its pages. He brought
+with him a new note-book of remarkable size; an artist with a portfolio,
+pencils, and other artistic necessities; and a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span> photographer!
+The interviewer shall describe the scene in his own words.</p>
+
+<p>The interviewer remarked that the readers of the &mdash;&mdash;"would be very
+interested in knowing exactly how the thing (interviewing) was done. How
+did the ideas come? How did they take shape? And what was the method of
+work? Neither at these nor at any other questions did Mr. Furniss wince.
+It must not be forgotten that when he was in America last year he was
+interviewed, on an average, once a day; and a man who has passed through
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img135.jpg" width="300" height="551" alt="A SERIOUS PORTRAIT&mdash;FROM LIFE." title="A SERIOUS PORTRAIT&mdash;FROM LIFE." /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 300px; ">A SERIOUS PORTRAIT&mdash;FROM LIFE.</span>
+
+such an experience as that is unlikely to recoil before any ordinary
+ordeal; although Mr. Furniss was bound to admit that a combination of
+interviewer, artist, and photographer had never before got him into his
+grip. The situation would have had its ludicrous side for anybody who
+had chanced to peep through the skylight. The spectacle of five men (for
+the presence of the indefatigable secretary was an indispensable part of
+the proceedings) all solemnly drinking tea, while a deer-hound kept a
+wistful eye on the sugar-basin, was unusual, and perhaps a little
+grotesque&mdash;to all save the participants. Seated at his easel in the
+characteristic position represented in our sketch, Mr. Furniss would now
+and again ask permission to move his arm towards his cup of tea, and
+would then bend back to the make-belief work at which he was posing."
+There is a picture of interviewing! Everything so prepared, so studied,
+so well described to impress the subscribers of the enterprising
+journal. The photographer with a wide angle lens took in all that was in
+my studio&mdash;to "make-believe," as the camera <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span> invariably does,
+that the apartment was six times larger than it really is. But the
+artist, who <i>should</i> idealise if the photographer could not, who so
+sadly interfered with my enjoying my tea, who was sent to make the most
+of me to raise the enthusiasm of the readers and to increase the
+subscriptions, succeeded in doing with his pencil what no interviewer
+has done with his pen,&mdash;he made me wince! Here is a reduction of the
+serious portrait published.</p>
+
+<p>I have sat down time after time to answer young correspondents'
+questions about the "system" to adopt for the production of caricature.
+I invariably end by drawing imaginary caricatures of my correspondent
+and fail to reply. When interviewed on the subject of caricature, I
+discourse on the history of the Pre-Raphaelite movement, and the
+technique in the work of Burne-Jones, Rossetti, and Holman Hunt, and
+caricature is therefore driven from our minds.</p>
+
+<p>However, the difficulty was solved in a very unexpected manner. One day,
+whilst smoking my cigar after lunch, I overheard an interview in my
+studio, which I here reproduce.</p>
+
+<p>A Pencil of mine was working away merrily shortly after the opening of
+the Session, when suddenly my favourite Pen flew off the writing-table,
+where it had been enjoying a quiet forty winks, and alighted on the
+easel.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img136.jpg" width="300" height="364" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+
+<p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ow very awkward you are!" cried the Pencil. "See, you have knocked
+against and so agitated me that I have actually given Sir William an
+extra chin."</p>
+
+<p>"One more or less does not matter, does it?" rejoined the Pen. "I
+apologise, and trust you will make allowances for me, as I am only an
+artist's Pen, don't you know, and naturally rather uncouth, I fear."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Pray take a seat upon the indiarubber, and let me know to what I am
+indebted for the honour of this visit."</p>
+
+<p>"Well," continued the Pen, "I have flown over here to remind you of your
+promise to confess to me some of the secrets of caricature."</p>
+
+<p>"Ah, yes," replied the Pencil, "I remember now. I have really been so
+busy sketching Members of Parliament at St. Stephen's, that I had almost
+forgotten my promise."</p>
+
+<p>"A poor Pen is out of place in an artist's studio, except to minister to
+the requirements of the autograph hunter. Well, you need not be jealous.
+My literary flight is not intended to be a very high one after all. Now
+you know more about the secrets of the studio than I do; so tell me, is
+it the custom of H. F. to have a regular sitting for a caricature, after
+the fashion of the portrait painters?"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, you are too delightfully innocent altogether," laughed the Pencil,
+rubbing its leaden head rapidly on a piece of paper, to sharpen its
+point. "A regular sitting! What do <i>you</i> think? No, sir, no,
+emphatically never. Such an operation would be fatal to the delicate
+constitution of a caricature, and the result would not be worth the
+paper upon which it is drawn. It is only in ordinary portraiture that a
+sitting is required, and upon that point I have a theory."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, never mind your theories now, old fellow," rejoined the Pen, as it
+took a sip of ink and prepared to chronicle the reply. "What I want to
+chat to you about at present is how to catch a caricature."</p>
+
+<p>The Pencil pricked up his ears, and with a knowing wink, said:</p>
+
+<p>"Ah, I see! You want to know secrets. Well, I will tell you 'how it's
+done.' The great point about a caricature is that it must be caught
+unawares. A man when he thinks he is unobserved struts about gaily, just
+for all the world like a hedgehog. All his peculiarities are then as
+evident as your cousins the quills upon the back of the fretful
+porcupine. But the moment the man or woman who is about to be
+caricatured observes H. F. take me in hand, I always notice that he
+shrivels up and collapses as quickly as one of the insectivora surprised
+at his feast. But wait a moment: now you ask me, I do <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span> recollect one unfortunate man
+who, despite H. F.'s protest, insisted upon coming here once to sit for
+a caricature. He looked the picture of misery, and sat in the chair
+there, just as if he were at a dentist's. H. F. made a most flattering
+portrait. Indeed, so much too handsome was it that I could hardly follow
+the workings of his fingers, I was laughing so."</p>
+
+<p>"'Oh, what a relief!' cried the sitter, when H. F. showed him the
+drawing. 'You have certainly made a pretty guy of me, but, thank heaven,
+I am not thin-skinned.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Only thick-headed,' muttered H. F. <i>sotto voce</i> to me as he continued
+to chat with the sitter.</p>
+
+<p>"No sooner had he left the studio than the 'study' was in the fire, and
+the caricature which afterwards came from the Furniss was drawn entirely
+from memory.</p>
+
+<p>"The artist is in more evil case when he has absolutely no chance
+whatever of making the slightest memorandum, for he must trust to memory
+alone," remarked the Pencil.</p>
+
+<p>"Yet Pellegrini boasted that he always trusted to memory," said the Pen.</p>
+
+<p>"I know he did," replied the Pencil, "and more than once chaffed H. F.
+for bringing me out. H. F., I know, has the greatest admiration for most
+of Pellegrini's work, but thinks that 'Ape' certainly had the failing
+common to all Italian caricaturists of being cruel rather than funny. I
+may mention too, here, an incident for the truth of which H. F. can
+vouch, and which illustrates another weakness of the inhabitants of the
+Sunny South. When the poor fellow was ill a friend of his one day set to
+work to put his room in order, and in moving a screen was surprised to
+find behind it a number of soiled shirts. He began to count them over
+with a view to sending them to the laundry, when Pellegrini starting up
+exclaimed, 'You fellow! you leave my shirts there, or I am a ruined man.
+Don't you see they are my "shtock in drade"?' And sure enough upon the
+huge familiar linen cuffs were numerous notes in pencil&mdash;sketches, in
+fact, from life for coming caricatures. Now, when H. F. intends to trust
+entirely to memory, I often find that he makes a note in writing after
+this fashion: 'Like So-and-so, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span> with a difference,'&mdash;and the
+difference is noted. Or 'Think of an animal, a bird, or a fish, and to
+that add So-and-so, and subtract So-and-so,' and this results in a
+portrait. For instance, if he saw a man like this, I should not be
+surprised by his writing a single word as 'Penguin' for his guidance,
+and so on."</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 200px; ">
+<img src="images/img139a.jpg" width="200" height="408" alt="PENGUIN." title="PENGUIN." />
+<span class="caption">"PENGUIN."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"The old caricaturists, I suppose, had a decided advantage over the
+moderns in having artistic costumes to depict?" asked the Pen.</p>
+
+<p>"Of course," replied the Pencil. "Even up to the time of Seymour the
+tailor made the man, and was, therefore, largely responsible for the
+caricature. You have only to see Mr. Brown in the ordinary attire of
+to-day and also in Court dress to appreciate this, and sympathise with
+me."</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img139b.jpg" width="400" height="213" alt="MR. BROWN, ORDINARY ATTIRE. COURT DRESS." title="MR. BROWN, ORDINARY ATTIRE. COURT DRESS." />
+<span class="caption">MR. BROWN, ORDINARY ATTIRE. COURT DRESS.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Now here is another point," continued the Pen, "upon which you can
+throw some light, old fellow. I have often seen letters on the
+writing-table from people asking H. F. for his recipe for the making of
+caricatures. I invariably scribble the same reply, 'Find out the chief
+points and exaggerate them.' Not satisfied with this, some have asked
+him to explain his <i>modus operandi</i>." "I recollect an instance," replied
+the Pencil. "It was in the studio here. An interviewer called, and asked
+H. F. to explain the art of caricature. So he took down a volume of
+portraits from the book-shelves, and opened it at this one. You see it
+is the head of a man who should be universally respected by us of the
+grey goose fraternity. 'Well, you see there is not much to caricature,'
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span> said H. F.; 'it is simply the portrait of a kindly,
+
+<span class="figleft" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img140a.jpg" width="400" height="359" alt="" title="" /></span>
+
+intellectual-looking man, the late Chief Librarian of the British
+Museum, I remember well," continued the Pencil, brightening up, "H. F.
+took me in hand, and telling me to knock over the forehead, keep in the
+eyes, pull the nose, and wipe off the chin, produced a caricature 'on
+the spot.'"</p>
+
+<p>"I suppose sometimes you find caricatures ready-made, Mr. Pencil?"
+continued the Pen.</p>
+
+<p>"Of course we do," replied the Pencil. "Nature will have her joke
+sometimes, nor can we blame her, for it is only by reason of contrast
+that we admire the beautiful. <i>A propos</i> of this, my dear Pen, I may
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img140b.jpg" width="130" height="198" alt="A CARICATURE." title="A CARICATURE." /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 130px; ">A CARICATURE.</span>
+
+tell you that in county Wexford, in Ireland, there is a certain very
+beautiful estate, round which runs a carefully-built wall. At a
+particular point the regularity ceases, and the wall runs on,
+constructed in every conceivable style, and contrary to all the canons
+of masonry. There is a legend that the owner of the estate, tired of the
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img140c.jpg" width="130" height="198" alt="NOT A CARICATURE." title="NOT A CARICATURE." /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 130px; "><i>NOT</i> A CARICATURE.</span>
+
+monotonous appearance of the wall, ordered that a certain space should
+be left in it which should be filled up with a barrier as irregular in
+construction as possible. This was done, and that portion of the wall is
+called the 'Ha-ha!' because so funny does it look that everyone who
+passes is observed to laugh. Now is it not much the same in Nature? A
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span> world full of Venuses and Adonises would soon pall. So now and
+then we find a human 'Ha-ha!' interspersed among them. In that case, I
+say, the caricaturist's work is already done. He has simply to copy
+Nature. Yet there are some who actually find fault with H. F. for doing
+that very thing, saying that his pencil (that's me) is 'unkind,'
+'cruel,' 'gross,' and so on. There are many M.P.'s whom he habitually
+draws without the slightest exaggeration, notwithstanding which, Mr.
+Pen, there are members of your calling who do not scruple to inform the
+world that in drawing the Parliamentary 'Ha-ha!' as he is, H. F. is
+libelling him. There is one M.P. in particular&mdash;&mdash; No, I shall not
+give his name or show his portrait. I believe him to be very clever,
+very interesting, undeniably a great man, and extremely vain of his
+personal appearance. But he is built contrary to all the laws of Nature,
+and if H. F. draws him as he is, he is accused of libelling him. If he
+improves him, no one knows him. Oh, Mr. Pen, you may take it from me
+that the lot of the caricaturist is not a happy one."</p>
+
+<p>"For the matter of that," put in the Pen, "neither is the painter's. You
+know Gay's lines:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<div class="poem">
+<p><span class="i0">"So very like, a painter drew,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">That every eye the picture knew,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He hit complexion, feature, air,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So just, the life itself was there.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He gave each muscle all its strength,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The mouth, the chin, the nose's length,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">His honest pencil touched with truth,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And marked the date of age and youth.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He lost his friends, his practice failed,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Truth should not always be revealed."<br /></span></p>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>But Gay did not live in the days of Sargent!"</p>
+
+<p>"We are getting on nicely," said the Pen. "Now answer a question which
+is often put to me&mdash;viz., why caricaturists eschew paint?"</p>
+
+<p>"Because," replied the Pencil, "people often seem to forget that in the
+present day, when events follow each other in quick succession, a
+subject becomes stale almost before the traditional <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span> nine days'
+interest in it has expired&mdash;that paint is no longer the medium by which
+a caricaturist can possibly express his thoughts. Of course, I am not
+referring to mere tinting, such as that in which the old caricaturists
+had their drawings reproduced, but to colouring in oils, after the
+manner of the great satirist Hogarth. Some may remember H. F.'s
+caricature in <i>Punch</i> of the late Serjeant-at-Arms, Captain Gosset, as
+a black-beetle. Now, had he painted a full-length portrait of him, and
+sent it elaborately framed to the Royal Academy, it would not only have
+taken him very much longer to execute, but the Captain would not have
+looked a whit more like a black-beetle than he did in black and white in
+the pages of <i>Punch</i>.</p>
+
+<p>"It must be remembered, also, that in caricature everything depends upon
+contrast. For instance, in a Parliamentary sketch he can easily make Sir
+William Harcourt inflate himself to such an extent that he occupies a
+good third of the picture, but were he to paint a portrait of him of
+similar proportions it would be necessary to take the roof off
+Burlington House and bring over the Eiffel Tower to which to hang the
+enormous frame that would be requisite. Moreover, there would be an
+additional disadvantage, for it would be impossible to take in the whole
+figure at once, and it would be necessary to mount the first platform at
+least to obtain a peep at even the lowest of the series of chins which
+distinguishes the descendant of kings. However, it is just on the cards
+that some day he may open a Parliamentary Portrait Gallery, and then I
+can promise that Sir William will have justice done to him at last.
+Sixteen yards of 'Historicus' would assuredly be enough to draw the
+town. But, in point of fact, it would be just as reasonable to ask an
+actor why he is not an opera singer as well, or to ask an opera singer
+why he does not dispense with the music and play in legitimate tragedy,
+as to enquire of a modern caricaturist why he does not work in colours."</p>
+
+<p>The Pencil, after the delivery of this discourse, rolled over to the
+barber-knife, who trimmed him up.</p>
+
+<p>"There are some people," continued the Pen, "who object to be sketched
+in any shape or form. I recollect an editor once <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span> challenging
+H. F. to get a sketch of an interesting man who had defied photographers
+and artists alike, and absolutely refused to have his portrait taken.
+You will find a paragraph about this in press-cutting book, marked
+'Pritt.' Just read it when I'm being attended to."</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1"><p> "Mr. Pritt, Leeds, is reckoned chief of the Yorkshire anglers. 'A
+striking peculiarity with him,' a Yorkshire correspondent says, 'is that
+he never will sit for his likeness. Mr. Harry Furniss, however, the
+well-known artist of <i>Punch</i>, during his recent visit to Leeds, on the
+occasion of the meeting of the British Association, managed to 'take'
+Mr. Pritt; and the portrait, drawn in characteristic style, appears in
+the <i>Yorkshire Weekly</i> under the heading 'Caught at Last'." </p></div>
+
+<p>"Yes, that's it. H. F. was invited to dine by this curious and clever
+individual.</p>
+
+<p>"'Delighted to see you, Mr. Furniss; but <i>one</i> thing I must ask you to
+understand <i>at once</i>&mdash;I'm not going to be sketched.'</p>
+
+<p>"'I assure you,' he said, 'I shall not sketch you unless you are well
+aware I am drawing you, and, in fact, willingly give me assistance.'</p>
+
+<p>"'That's very good of you. Now I am happy. I have made up my mind I
+shall never allow my face to be drawn or photographed, and once I make
+up my mind nothing in the world will move me.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Indeed!' he replied. 'But, pardon me, you have not always had that
+antipathy. I am looking at a photograph of you hanging on the wall
+there, taken when you were a baby.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Oh, ah! Do you detect that? No one knows it to be me. Of course, I was
+not accountable for my actions at that age.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Ah, how you have altered! Dear me! why, your nose is not that shape
+now. Here it is Roman; you have a sort of&mdash;&mdash;'</p>
+
+<p>"'Have a&mdash;what, eh?'</p>
+
+<p>"'Have you a pencil?' (Taking me out.) 'This will do. Now, your nose is
+like that.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Is it? But my mouth is the same, isn't it?'</p>
+
+<p>"'Not quite&mdash;I will show you.'</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"'Of course, my chin isn't as round?'</p>
+
+<p>"'Oh, no! It's more like this. And you have less hair&mdash;see here.'</p>
+
+<p>"'Dear me! Of course, one can see who this is. This astonishes me.'</p>
+
+<p>"Someone else coming in at that moment, he quickly pocketed the sketch
+and me, and, much to his host's chagrin, it was duly published as a
+portrait of the gentleman from a 'special sitting'&mdash;'Caught at Last.'</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 220px; ">
+<img src="images/img144.jpg" width="220" height="247" alt="THE EDITOR OF PUNCH SITS FOR HIS PORTRAIT." title="THE EDITOR OF PUNCH SITS FOR HIS PORTRAIT." />
+<span class="caption">THE EDITOR OF <i>PUNCH</i> SITS FOR HIS PORTRAIT.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"This reminds me, by the way, of a portrait which H. F. once drew of the
+author of 'Happy Thoughts' as a frontispiece to a new edition of that
+humorous book of books. Our guv'nor's first effort at this portrait was
+distinctly a failure, and no wonder, for the moment I was produced the
+editor of <i>Punch</i> turned his back upon us, and, with the greatest
+vigour, commenced writing at his table. Not being so intimate then with
+Mr. Burnand as we subsequently became, both I and the guv'nor thought
+him peculiar. But after a considerable time the editorial chair was
+wheeled round, and with a smile its genial occupant said calmly, 'Well,
+let me see the result.'</p>
+
+<p>"'The result is <i>nil</i> at present,' replied H. F., 'for I have not yet
+caught a glimpse of your face.'</p>
+
+<p>"Mr. Burnand looked surprised. 'Dear me!' he said; 'I thought you were
+making a study of me at work, you know.'</p>
+
+<p>"'All I could see was the back of your head in silhouette. There
+now&mdash;sit just as you are, please. That's exactly the pose and expression
+which I want to catch. Thanks!' cried the guv'nor, as he rapidly set to
+work, when suddenly all cheerfulness vanished from Mr. Burnand's
+countenance, as with a horrified look he pointed to the table by my
+side, where lay the sketching materials.</p>
+
+<p>"'What's that?' he cried, dismayed.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"'Oh, a lump of bread, useful in touching up high lights,' said H. F.</p>
+
+<p>"'You don't say so! The sight of it quite upset me. I really thought you
+had brought your supper with you, and intended to work from me all
+night. I shall never recover my natural expression this evening, so
+please call again.' And as H. F. closed his sketch-book, the following
+brief colloquy took place:</p>
+
+<p>"The editor of 'Happy Thoughts': 'Caught anything?'</p>
+
+<p>"H. F.: 'No.'</p>
+
+<p>"The editor: 'Good evening!'</p>
+
+<p>"And the door closed.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img145.jpg" width="350" height="415" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>"Frequently a subject has posed for H. F. without being aware of the
+fact that he was making a sketch. For instance, in his happy hunting
+ground&mdash;Parliament&mdash;Brown, M.P., say, comes up to him in the Lobby: 'Ha!
+I see you are up to mischief&mdash;taking someone off.'</p>
+
+<p>"H. F. gives a knowing look, and points to Jones.</p>
+
+<p>"'Ha! ha! I see. I'll talk to him. Ha! ha! and I'll look out for the
+caricature. Don't be too hard on poor Jones!'</p>
+
+<p>"'Thanks, awfully,' replies H. F. He makes a rapid sketch, nods to Brown
+as much as to say, 'That'll do,' smiles, and walks off. He has of course
+never troubled about Jones at all; it's Brown he has been sketching all
+the time.</p>
+
+<p>"It is utterly absurd to imagine you can escape from the caricaturist.</p>
+
+<p>"H. F. trained himself to make sketches with his hand in his pocket, and
+worked away with me and his book&mdash;or rather cards, which he had
+specially for the purpose&mdash;whilst looking straight into the face of his
+victim. He manages in this way to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span> sketch people sitting
+opposite to him in the train, and sometimes when talking to them all the
+time.</p>
+
+<p>"You know that without special permission from the Lord High Great
+Chamberlain no stranger is allowed to pass the door of the English House
+of Lords, even when it is empty; but when the precious Peers are
+sitting, the difficulty of making a sketch is too great for description.
+You are not allowed to sit down, speak, smile, sneeze, or sketch. H. F.
+once produced me in the House of Lords. Had he drawn a sword instead of
+a pencil he could not have created greater consternation. Explanation
+was useless. The officials knew that he was only for 'takkin' notes' for
+<i>Punch</i>, but the vision of a pencil produced an effect upon them the
+same as if they had caught sight of an infernal machine. But necessity
+is the mother of invention. It was then he hit upon the plan I have just
+told you about. He draws in his pocket. Keeping the card against his
+leg, he sketches quite easily. A pocket Hercules is an oft enough
+heard-of individual&mdash;so why not a pocket artist?</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 130px; ">
+<img src="images/img146a.jpg" width="130" height="223" alt="SKETCH ON A SHIRT-CUFF." title="SKETCH ON A SHIRT-CUFF." />
+<span class="caption">SKETCH ON A SHIRT-CUFF.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Previous to this he used to make a rapid note on his shirt-cuff; but
+that is a dangerous practice. Wives might resent the face if it were too
+pretty, and your washerwoman might recognise a Member of Parliament as
+her intimate friend. The incident which cured him of using his
+shirt-cuff for sketching happened at a large dinner, where he was
+introduced to the wife of a well-known public man, who soon showed she
+was not altogether pleased by the introduction, and truly at the moment
+he had forgotten that he had made a sketch of the lady on his
+shirt-cuff, which he did not take sufficient care to conceal.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 100px; ">
+<img src="images/img146b.jpg" width="100" height="85" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>"I recollect once on the terrace of the House of Commons he was
+sketching a lady of foreign extraction, the wife of a gentleman
+well-known to the Irish Party, with a profile something like this. I
+made the sketch, unfortunately, on the marble tea-table. When H. F.'s
+friends were leaving, he found he could not rub this off the table,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span> and what embarrassed him more was the fact that some Irish
+Members were bearing down to take possession of the table as soon as we
+left. I had a rapid vision of our guv'nor floating in the Thames, being
+hurled over by the infuriated Members from the Emerald Isle; so I
+quickly transformed the lady into something resembling a popular Member
+of Parliament at the time, and, as we were leaving, I overheard an Irish
+Member say, 'Bedad! and Furniss has been dhrawin' that owld beauty,
+Mundella!'</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 150px; ">
+<img src="images/img147.jpg" width="150" height="154" alt="MUNDELLA." title="MUNDELLA." />
+<span class="caption">MUNDELLA.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Have you anything new?" asked the
+Pen. "May I look? I know that St. Stephen's is your happy
+hunting ground."</p>
+
+<p>"Ah, yes," responded the Pencil, "I know it well. But I can tell you it
+is not altogether a bed of roses. When we come across Members who have
+taken liberties with their personal appearance during the recess, H. F.
+and I resent it, I can tell you."</p>
+
+<p>"Naturally," observed the Pen in a voice of the utmost sympathy, "for it
+means more work."</p>
+
+<p>"Of course," continued the Pencil. "Now I have always held that model M.
+P.'s have no right to alter. They are the property of the political
+caricaturist, and what on earth is to become of him if the bearded men
+begin to shave and the smooth-faced to disguise themselves in
+'mutton-chops' or 'Dundrearys'? Yet they <i>will</i> do it. We may draw them
+in their new guise, but the public won't have them at any price. They
+want their old favourites, and if they miss a well-known 'Imperial,' a
+moustache, a pair of dyed whiskers, or other such hall-mark in the
+picture, or on the other hand find a set of familiar chins concealed
+beneath an incipient Newgate fringe, a nose and chin which have been
+accustomed to meet for many a long year suddenly divided by the
+intrusion of a bristly moustache, or a delightfully asinine expression
+lost under the influence of a pair of bushy side-whiskers, recognition
+becomes impossible and the caricature falls flat. The fact is, my friend
+Pen, it is not only their features, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span> but their characteristic
+attitudes which we make familiar, and their political differences cause
+the artistic effect. To me it is marvellous to note how differently
+artists draw the same head. Expression of course varies, but the
+construction of the head must always remain the same. Yet I have seen no
+less a head than that of Mr. Gladstone so altered in appearance in the
+work of different artists that I have been forcibly reminded of the old
+story of St. Peter's skull. A tourist travelling in Italy was shown a
+cranium at Rome which he was assured was the veritable relic. In
+Florence he was shown another, and somewhere else he was shown a third.
+Upon his remonstrating the guide observed, <span class="correction" title="originally It">'It</span> is quite right, sir: the
+skull you saw at Rome was that of St. Peter when he was a boy; that at
+Florence was his when he was a young man, and this was his skull when he
+died.'</p>
+
+<p>"Then again, familiarity with the subject is only arrived at by
+continually watching and sketching a Member. A few years ago I was lying
+down in my berth in the sketch-book which was in H. F.'s pocket, when I
+overheard a conversation between him and Mr. Labouchere upon
+Parliamentary portraits."</p>
+
+<p>"What did H. F. say about them?" asked the Pen. "He ought to know the
+alphabet of Parliamentary portraiture at all events by this time."</p>
+
+<p>"You're right," nodded the Pencil. "He's drawn a few thousand of them in
+his time. What did H. F. say? Well, he told Labouchere that he always
+created a type for each Member, and to that he adheres."</p>
+
+<p>"'Yes,' said the Sage, late of Queen Anne's Gate, 'and when the original
+turns up, those who derive their impression of a Member from your
+sketches are disappointed if the two do not exactly tally.'"</p>
+
+<p>"But surely our guv'nor does not sketch direct from life?" asked the
+Pen, amazed.</p>
+
+<p>"Of course he does," indignantly replied the Pencil. "He whips me out of
+my bed at all times, but as he pointed out to the Member for Northampton
+(see how Parliamentary I am getting), it would never do invariably to
+sketch a man as you see him. 'For instance,' went on H. F. addressing
+him, 'I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span> made a sketch of you, Mr. Labouchere, in the corridor
+of the House of Commons, kneeling on a seat, and had I never seen you
+before, I should have no doubt used this as a characteristic instead of
+an accidental attitude of yours.'</p>
+
+<p>"Just fancy what you would have written, my dear Pen, if you had seen in
+<i>Punch</i> one of H. F.'s portraits of Lord Hartington with his hat upon
+the back of his head instead of over his eyes, or Mr. Gladstone depicted
+with a Shakespeare collar, or Mr. Cyril Flower without one, or Mr.
+Arnold Morley smiling, or Mr. Balfour looking cross, or Mr. Broadhurst
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img149.jpg" width="250" height="429" alt="MR. LABOUCHERE." title="MR. LABOUCHERE." /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 250px; ">MR. LABOUCHERE.</span>
+
+in evening dress, or Mr. Chamberlain without an orchid in the
+button-hole of his coat! Yet I venture to say the time has been when Mr.
+Chamberlain may have had to rush down to the House orchidless, and when
+Mr. Broadhurst may have worn evening dress. Stranger things than that
+have happened, I can tell you. I have actually seen the irrepressible
+smile vanish from the face of Mr. John Morley. But never&mdash;no, never,
+will I believe that the ex-Chief Liberal Whip has ever looked jovial,
+that Mr. Gladstone and Mr. Cyril Flower ever exchanged collars, or that
+Lord Hartington ever wore his hat at the back of his head.</p>
+
+<p>"On the other hand, my dear Pen, you know as well as I do that Lord
+Randolph Churchill did not wear imitation G.O.M. collars, that Mr.
+Herbert Gladstone is no longer in his teens, that Mr. Gladstone was not
+always so wild-looking as H. F. usually represented him, and that
+perhaps Sir William Harcourt is not simply an elephantine mass of
+egotism."</p>
+
+<p>"Then why did he draw them so?" enquired the Pen.</p>
+
+<p>"Ah! that is the secret of the caricaturist," laughed the Pencil. "There
+is something more in politicians, you know, than meets the eye, and the
+caricaturist tries to record it. You're so captious, my dear Pen. It is
+not given to everyone to see a portrait properly, however true it may
+be. Some folks there are who are colour-blind. There are others who are
+portrait-blind. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span> Others again are blind to the humorous. An old
+M.P. came up to H. F. one day in the Lobby of the House of Commons when
+a new Parliament had assembled for the first time, and said to him,
+'Well, you have a rich harvest for your pencil (that was me). I never
+saw such odd specimens of humanity assembled together before.'</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img150.jpg" width="350" height="400" alt="THE M.P. REAL AND IDEAL." title="THE M.P. REAL AND IDEAL." />
+<span class="caption">THE M.P. REAL AND IDEAL.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"'That may be so,' replied H. F., 'but mark my words, after a session or
+two, my comic sketches of the Members&mdash;for which, by the way, the
+specimens you are looking at are merely notes, and which you are now
+good enough to call faithful portraits&mdash;will become so familiar to you
+that they will cease to amuse you. And you may even come to pronounce
+them gross libels. In other words, you will find that their frequent
+repetition will rob them in your eyes of their comic character
+altogether, just as in the case with the attendants at the Zoo, on whose
+faces you will fail to detect the ghost of a smile at the most
+outrageous pranks of the monkeys, although you shall see everyone else
+in the place convulsed with laughter.'"</p>
+
+<p>"But surely, Mr. Pencil," argued the Pen, "you lose friends by
+caricaturing them?"</p>
+
+<p>"Not those who are worthy of friendship," replied the Pencil, with a
+solemn air. "And those who cannot take a joke are not worthy of it. H.
+F. is not a portrait painter. It makes the lead turn in my case to
+witness the snobbishness which exists nowadays among certain
+thin-skinned artists and writers. The Society grub has eaten the heart
+out of all true artistic ambitions. An honest satirist has no chance
+nowadays. He must not draw what he sees, or write what he really thinks
+about it. Pleasing wishy-washiness is idolised, whilst Hogarth is voted
+coarse. Great Scott! How this <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span> age of cigarettes and lemon
+squash would have stirred the pulse and nerved the brush of the greatest
+of English caricaturists!"</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 449px; ">
+<img src="images/img151b.jpg" width="449" height="544" alt="THE PHOTO." title="THE PHOTO. AS HE REALLY IS." />
+<span class="caption">THE PHOTO.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img151a.jpg" width="300" height="544" alt="AS HE REALLY IS." title="AS HE REALLY IS." />
+<span class="caption">AS HE REALLY IS.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p style="clear: both; ">Then as the Pencil wiped away a tear of regret for the decadence of
+English satirical art the Pen jotted down the following lines culled
+from the old tomb-stone at Chiswick:</p>
+
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<div class="poem">
+<p><span class="i0">"If Genius fire thee Stranger stay,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">If Nature touch thee, drop a tear.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">If neither move thee, turn away,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For Hogarth's honoured dust lies here."</span></p>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>"When he has not seen a Member, and has no reference to go by, how does
+he manage?"</p>
+
+<p>"He does not find photography of much use. Sometimes, if he has to draw
+a man for some special reason, and has not seen him, a photograph is, of
+course, the only means possible; then he generally gets a letter
+something like this:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1"><p>
+"'<span class="smcap">Dear Sir</span>,&mdash;I enclose you a photograph of myself, the only one I
+possess. It belongs to my wife, and she has reluctantly lent it, and
+trusts you will take every care of it and return it at once. It was
+taken on our wedding trip. I may mention that I have less hair at the
+top of my head and more on my face, and I may seem to some a trifle
+older.'
+</p></div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Well, here, you see, H. F. has to use his judgment.</p>
+
+<p>"But to my surprise H. F. received a visit from the original of the
+photograph shortly after his sketch was published, who came to inform
+the guv'nor that no one could possibly recognise him in the sketch; and
+when I saw him in the flesh I quite believed him. You can judge from the
+sketch how useful the photograph was.</p>
+
+<p>"The second appearance of the new and ambitious M.P. in the pages of
+<i>Punch</i> did not satisfy the legislator either. It was not his face he
+took exception to, but his boots, like Mr. Goldfinch in 'A Pair of
+Spectacles.' He lost faith in his bootmaker, squeezed his extremities
+into patent leather shoes of the most approved and uncomfortable make,
+and hobbled through the Lobbies doing penance at the shrine of
+caricature. A caricature, you see, does not depend upon the face alone.</p>
+
+<p>"One of H. F.'s earliest Parliamentary caricatures was a sketch of Mr.
+Henry Broadhurst, the deservedly popular representative of the working
+classes. He was Member for Stoke when the sketch was made. There is no
+affectation about him. Neither the skin that covers his solid frame nor
+that which encases his active feet is thin. His figure is one of the
+best known and most characteristic in Parliament. Who is not familiar
+with the round, determined little head, with the short cropped hair, the
+square-cut beard, the shrewd expression, the genial smile, the short
+jacket, the horsey trousers, the round hat, and the thick boots? The
+figure often appeared in Mr. Punch's Parliamentary Portrait Gallery.
+When our friend the late William Woodall introduced his fellow-candidate
+to the electors of Stoke a voice cried out, 'We know 'im! we know 'im!
+We've seen 'is boots in <i>Punch!</i>'</p>
+
+<p>"No one can deny that the potters of Staffordshire are an artistic
+public.</p>
+
+<p>"The late chief proprietor of the leading paper had the largest feet
+ever seen in the House of Commons, and a certain noble lord whose name
+will ever be connected with Majuba carries off the palm for the largest
+in the Upper House. The new Member for &mdash;&mdash; will, in due course, owe his
+Parliamentary fame to the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span> extraordinary heels of his boots, if
+nothing else, just as the late Lord Hardwicke's reputation was due to
+the mysterious shine of his hat.</p>
+
+<p>"But, judging from the illustrated papers, M.P.'s all wear spats, new
+trousers every day (for they never have a crease), the most
+beautifully-fitting coats, and white hats with black bands round them.
+Why are they drawn so?" asked the Pen.</p>
+
+<p>"Excuse the familiar vulgar rejoinder&mdash;Ask me another."</p>
+
+<p>"I hear it said that you never caricature women."</p>
+
+<p>"What rot! Have I not worked in illustrating the Members of the Houses
+of Parliament for years, to say nothing of Judges and&mdash;their wives?"</p>
+
+<p>"I mean young women."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, really I have no time to answer these questions; here are a bundle
+of my unpublished caricatures; take them and be off."</p>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2>
+
+<h3>PARLIAMENTARY CONFESSIONS.</h3>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in">Gladstone and Disraeli&mdash;A Contrast&mdash;An unauthenticated Incident&mdash;Lord
+Beaconsfield's last Visit to the House of Commons&mdash;My Serious
+Sketch&mdash;Historical&mdash;Mr. Gladstone&mdash;His Portraits&mdash;What he thought of the
+Artists&mdash;Sir J. E. Millais&mdash;Frank Holl&mdash;The Despatch
+Boxes&mdash;Impressions&mdash;Disraeli&mdash;Dan O'Connell&mdash;Procedure&mdash;American
+Wit&mdash;Toys&mdash;Wine&mdash;Pressure&mdash;Sandwich Soirée&mdash;The G.O.M. dines with "Toby,
+M.P."&mdash;Walking&mdash;Quivering&mdash;My Desk&mdash;An Interview&mdash;Political
+Caricaturists&mdash;Signature in Sycamore&mdash;Scenes in the Commons&mdash;Joseph
+Gillis Biggar&mdash;My Double&mdash;Scenes&mdash;Divisions&mdash;Puck&mdash;Sir R.
+Temple&mdash;Charles Stewart Parnell&mdash;A Study&mdash;Quick Changes&mdash;His Fall&mdash;Room
+15&mdash;The last Time I saw him&mdash;Lord Randolph Churchill&mdash;His Youth&mdash;His
+Height&mdash;His Fickleness&mdash;His Hair&mdash;His Health&mdash;His Fall&mdash;Lord
+Iddesleigh&mdash;Sir Stafford and Mr. Gladstone&mdash;Bradlaugh&mdash;His Youth&mdash;His
+Parents&mdash;His Tactics&mdash;His Fight&mdash;His Extinction&mdash;John Bright&mdash;Jacob
+Bright&mdash;Sir Isaac Holden&mdash;Lord Derby&mdash;A Political Prophecy&mdash;A Lucky
+Guess&mdash;My Confession in the <i>Times</i>&mdash;The Joke that Failed&mdash;The
+Seer&mdash;Fair Play&mdash;I deny being a Conservative&mdash;I am
+Encouraged&mdash;Chaff&mdash;Reprimanded&mdash;Misprinted&mdash;Misunderstood.<br /><br /></p></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px; clear: both;">
+<img src="images/img154.jpg" width="550" height="237" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 650px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img156.jpg" width="650" height="387" alt="THE INNER LOBBY OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS." title="THE INNER LOBBY OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS." />
+<span class="caption">THE INNER LOBBY OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 650px; clear: both">
+<img src="images/img157.jpg" width="650" height="230" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div style= "font-size: 80%">
+<div class='centered'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="1" width="80%" cellspacing="0">
+
+<tr>
+<td style="width: 30%;">
+<span style= "margin-left: 0.5em">1. Dr. Tanner<br /></span>
+<span style= "margin-left: 0.5em">2. Rt. Hon. A. Akers-Douglas<br /></span>
+<span style= "margin-left: 0.5em">3. Lord A. Hill<br /></span>
+<span style= "margin-left: 0.5em">4. G. Cavendish-Bentinck<br /></span>
+<span style= "margin-left: 0.5em">5. J. A. Pinton<br /></span>
+<span style= "margin-left: 0.5em">6. Sir W. H. Houldaworth<br /></span>
+<span style= "margin-left: 0.5em">7. Sir Albert K. Rollit<br /></span>
+<span style= "margin-left: 0.5em">8. Rt. Hon. H. Chaplin<br /></span>
+<span style= "margin-left: 0.5em">9. Sir E. Waskin<br /></span>
+10. T. W. Rusell<br />
+11. Rt. Hon. C. B. Spencer<br />
+12. Christopher Sykes<br />
+13. Lord Halabury<br />
+14. H. Lubouchere<br /></td>
+<td style="width: 30%;">
+15. T. Sexton<br />
+16. Sir R. H. Fowler<br />
+17. Earl Spencer<br />
+18. Rt. Hon. J. Chamberlain<br />
+19. Admiral Field<br />
+20. Sir Frank Lockwood<br />
+21. Rt. Hon J. B. Balfour<br />
+22. Wm. Woodall<br />
+23. F. Ashmead Bartlett<br />
+24. Baden-Powell<br />
+25. Sir T. W. Maclure<br />
+26. Marquis of Hartington<br />
+<span style= "margin-left: 5em">(Duke of Devonshire)<br /></span>
+27. Sir R. Temple</td>
+<td style="width: 30%;">
+
+<table> <tr>
+<td style="width: 5%;">
+    28.<br />
+    29.<br />
+    30.<br />
+    31.</td>
+<td style="width: 10%;"><span style="font-size: 450%; ">}</span></td>
+<td style="width: 85%;"><br />Press</td>
+</tr></table>
+
+32. H. W. Lucy (<i>Toby M.P.</i>).<br />
+33. Rt. Hon. John Morley<br />
+34. Lord Randolph Churchill<br />
+
+<table> <tr>
+<td style="width: 5%;">
+    35.<br />
+    36.</td>
+<td style="width: 10%;"><span style="font-size: 250%; ">}</span></td>
+<td style="width: 85%;"><br />Press (<i>Times</i>)</td>
+</tr></table>
+
+37. J. Henniker Heaton<br />
+38. James A. Jacoby<br />
+39. Sir H. H. Howorth<br />
+40. P. Power<br />
+41. C. S. Parnell</td>
+</tr>
+</table></div></div>
+
+<p>Some years before Mr. Disraeli quitted the House of Commons upon his
+elevation to the Peerage, I enjoyed witnessing a very remarkable
+encounter between him and Mr. Gladstone. It was one of those passage of
+arms, or to be more correct I should say, perhaps, of words, which in
+the days of their Parliamentary youth were so frequent between the great
+political rivals; and although I am unable to recall the particular
+subject of the debate, or the exact date of its occurrence, I well
+remember that Mr. Gladstone had launched a tremendous attack against his
+opponent. However, notwithstanding the fact that from the outset of his
+speech it was evident that Mr. Gladstone meant war to the knife, that as
+it proceeded he waxed more and more hostile, and that his peroration was
+couched in the most vehement terms, Disraeli remained to the finish as
+if utterly unmoved, sitting in his customary attitude as though he were
+asleep, with his arms hanging listlessly at his sides. Once only during
+the progress of the attack he appeared to wake up, when, taking his
+single eye-glass, which he usually kept in a pocket of his waistcoat,
+between his finger and thumb, he calmly surveyed the House as if to
+satisfy himself how it was composed, just as an experienced cricketer
+eyes the field before batting, in order <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span> to see how the enemy
+are placed. Then, having taken stock of those present, the eye-glass was
+replaced in his pocket, and to all appearance he once more subsided into
+a tranquil slumber. But this was only a feint, for the very instant that
+Mr. Gladstone sat down up jumped Disraeli. The contrast between his
+method and that of Mr. Gladstone was very noticeable. Placing one hand
+artistically upon the box in front of him, and the other under his coat
+tails, he commenced to speak, and in the calmest manner possible,
+although with the most telling and polished satire, he aimed dart after
+dart across the table at Mr. Gladstone. As he proceeded to traverse the
+speech of his distinguished opponent with the most perfect and effective
+skill, it soon became evident that in reality he had slept with one eye
+open. With masterly tact, he had reserved the principal point in his
+reply to the end, and then, bringing his full force to bear upon it, the
+conclusion of his speech told with redoubled effect.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img158.jpg" width="350" height="446" alt="LORD BEACONSFIELD." title="LORD BEACONSFIELD." />
+<span class="caption">LORD BEACONSFIELD. A SKETCH FROM LIFE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Whilst upon the subject of Mr. Gladstone and Lord Beaconsfield, I may
+narrate a remarkable story, although I am unable to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span> vouch for
+the accuracy of it, as I cannot remember who was my original informant,
+nor among my friends in or out of Parliament have I succeeded in
+discovering anyone who actually witnessed the incident to which it
+refers. Should it turn out to be an invention, like the champagne jelly
+of Lord Beaconsfield or the eye-glass of Mr. Bright, I shall no doubt be
+corrected. But if on the contrary the anecdote be authentic, I may earn
+some thanks for resuscitating it. In any case I can testify that at the
+time the story was told to me I had undoubtedly every reason to believe
+that it was true.</p>
+
+<p>A similar scene to that which I have described above was taking place in
+the House between Mr. Gladstone and Mr. Disraeli, when the latter in the
+course of his remarks had occasion to quote a passage from a recent
+speech made by his rival upon some platform in the country.</p>
+
+<p>Suddenly Mr. Gladstone started up and exclaimed:</p>
+
+<p>"I never said that in my life!"</p>
+
+<p>Disraeli was silent, and, putting his hands behind his back, simply
+gazed apparently in blank astonishment at the box in front of him.
+Several seconds went by, but he never moved. The members in the crowded
+House looked from one to the other, and many imagined that Disraeli was
+merely waiting for his opponent to apologise. But Mr. Gladstone, who had
+a habit, which he developed in later years, of chatting volubly to his
+neighbour during any interruption of this kind in which he was
+concerned, made no sign. A minute passed, but the sphinx did not move.</p>
+
+<p>A minute and a quarter, but he was still motionless.</p>
+
+<p>A minute and a half of this silence seemed as if it was an hour.</p>
+
+<p>When the second minute was completed, the excitement in the House began
+to grow intense. Disraeli seemed to be transfixed. Was he ill? Was the
+great man sulking? What could this strange silence portend?</p>
+
+<p>Two minutes and a half!</p>
+
+<p>Some Members rose and approached him, but Disraeli raised his hand as if
+to deprecate their interference, and they stole back <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span> to their
+places conscious that they were forbidden to interrupt. Then, at last,
+when the second hand of the clock had passed three times round its
+course, the most remarkable silence which the House had ever experienced
+within living memory was broken as the Tory leader slowly began once
+more to speak.</p>
+
+<p>"'Mr. Chairman,'" he said, "'and gentlemen,'" and then word for word he
+repeated the whole speech of Mr. Gladstone from which he had made his
+quotation, duly introducing the particular passage which the Liberal
+leader had denied. Then he paused and looked across at his rival. The
+challenge was not to be avoided, and Mr. Gladstone bowed. He would have
+raised his hat did he wear one in the House, which, in the phraseology
+of the ring, was equivalent to throwing up the sponge. Mr. Disraeli
+afterwards informed a friend that, working backwards, he had recalled
+the whole of Mr. Gladstone's speech to his mind. Beginning at the
+disputed quotation, he recovered the context which led up to it, and so
+step by step the entire oration. Then he was enabled to repeat it from
+the outset, exactly as he had read it.</p>
+
+<p>I saw Lord Beaconsfield in the House of Commons on the occasion of his
+last visit to that chamber in which he had been the moving spirit. I
+well recollect that morning. There had been an Irish all-night sitting:
+the House was supposed to be listening to the droning of some Irish
+"Mimber." The officials were weary, the legislative chamber was untidy
+and dusty, and many of those present had not had their clothes off all
+night. Lord Beaconsfield, scented, oiled, and curled, the daintiest of
+dandies, sits in the gallery, examining the scene through his single
+eye-glass. Leaning over him stands the ever-faithful Monty Corry&mdash;now
+Lord Rowton. I sat within a few yards of them, and made a sketch which
+happens to be the most successful study I ever made. The <i>Academy</i> wrote
+of it: "In humour Mr. Harry Furniss generally excels; but his portrait
+of Lord Beaconsfield on his last appearance in the House of Commons is
+something else than amusing&mdash;it is pathetic, almost tragic, and will be
+historical;" and columns of flattering notices must be my excuse for
+confessing in these pages that I myself consider it to be the best
+portrait of Lord Beaconsfield, and in no way a caricature.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; ">
+<img src="images/img161.jpg" width="600" height="695" alt="THE LAST VISIT OF LORD BEACONSFIELD TO THE HOUSE." title="THE LAST VISIT OF LORD BEACONSFIELD TO THE HOUSE." />
+<span class="caption">THE LAST VISIT OF LORD BEACONSFIELD TO THE HOUSE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 220px; ">
+<img src="images/img163.jpg" width="220" height="591" alt="MR. GLADSTONE." title="MR. GLADSTONE." />
+<span class="caption">MR. GLADSTONE. A SKETCH FROM LIFE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>A caricaturist is an artistic contortionist. He is grotesque for effect.
+A contortionist twists and distorts himself to cause amusement, but he
+is by nature straight of limb and a student of grace before he can
+contort his body in burlesque of the "human form divine." Thus also is
+it with the caricaturist and his pencil. The good points of his subject
+must be plainly apparent to him before he can twist his study into the
+grotesque; to him it is necessary that the sublime should be known and
+appreciated ere he can convert it into the ridiculous, and without the
+aid of serious studies it is impossible for him fully to analyse and
+successfully produce the humorous and the satirical. Perchance he may
+even entertain a feeling of admiration for the subject he is holding up
+to ridicule, for serious moments and serious work are no strangers to
+the caricaturist.</p>
+
+<p>The famous collars I "invented" for grotesque effect, but I always saw
+Mr. Gladstone without them, for to me his head has <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span> never been,
+as some suppose, a mere block around which to wreathe a fantastic and
+exaggerated collar.</p>
+
+<p>"I am told a Japanese artist who wishes to study a particular flower,
+for instance, travels to the part of the country where it is to be
+found; he takes no photographic camera, no superb sketching pad or box
+of paints, but he lives by the plant, watches day by day the flower
+grow, blossom, and decay, under every condition, and mentally notes
+every detail, so that ever afterwards he can paint that flower in every
+possible way with facility and knowledge. I have myself treated Mr.
+Gladstone as that Japanese artist treats the beautiful flower. I have
+frequently sat for many many hours watching every gesture, every change
+of expression. I have watched the colour leave his cheeks, and the hair
+his head; I have marked time contract his mouth, and have noted the
+development of each additional wrinkle. I have mused under the shade of
+his collars, and wondered at the cut of his clothes, sketched his three
+hats and his historical umbrella. More than that; during a great speech
+I have seen the flower in his button-hole fade under his flow of
+eloquence, seen the bow of his tie travel round to the back of his
+neck."</p>
+
+<p>Thus I spoke night after night from the platform, and the
+laugh always came with the collars. It was not as a serious
+critic that I was posing before the audience, so I could fittingly
+describe the collars rather than the man. But when I had left
+the platform and the limelight, and my caricatures, I have had
+many a chat with Mr. Gladstone's admirers, with regard to the
+light in which I saw the great man without his collars, and
+this fact I will put forward as my excuse for publishing
+in my "Confessions" a few studies that I have made from
+time to time of the Grand Old Man, as an antidote not only
+to my own caricatures, but to the mass of Gladstone portraits
+published, which, with very few exceptions, are idealised,
+perfunctory, stereotyped, and worthless.</p>
+
+<p style="clear: both; ">&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px; ">
+<img src="images/img165.jpg" width="500" height="754" alt="MR. GLADSTONE." title="MR. GLADSTONE." />
+<span class="caption">MR. GLADSTONE.<br />
+"I have seen the flower in his buttonhole fade under his flow of eloquence."<br /></span>
+<span class="caption" style= "margin-left: 7em"><i>Engraved on wood from an original study.</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Generations to come will not take their impressions of this great man's
+appearance from these unsatisfactory canvases, or from the cuts in
+old-fashioned illustrated papers, in which all public men are drawn in a
+purely conventional tailor's advertisement fashion, with perfect-fitting
+coats, trousers without a crease, faces of wax, and figures of the
+fashionable fop of the period. The camera killed all this. But the
+photographer, although he cannot alter the cut of the clothes, can
+alter, and does alter, everything else. He touches up the face beyond
+recognition, and the pose is the pose the sitter takes before the
+camera, and probably quite different from his usual attitude. So it will
+be the caricatures, or, to be correct, the character sketches, that will
+leave the best impressions of Mr. Gladstone's extraordinary
+individuality.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img167.jpg" width="250" height="388" alt="MR. GLADSTONE&mdash;CONVENTIONAL PORTRAIT." title="MR. GLADSTONE&mdash;CONVENTIONAL PORTRAIT." />
+<span class="caption">MR. GLADSTONE&mdash;CONVENTIONAL PORTRAIT.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I heard Mr. Gladstone express his own views on portraiture one evening
+at a small dinner-party. My host of that evening had hit on the happy
+idea of having portraits of the celebrities of the age painted for him
+by a rising young artist. It was curious to note Mr. Gladstone as he
+examined these portraits. His manner was a strange comment on the
+political changes which had taken place, for as he came to the portraits
+of those of his old supporters who no longer fought under his colours,
+he would pass them by as though he had not seen them, or if his
+attention were called to any of them he would seem not to recognise the
+likeness, and pass on till his eye lighted on some political ally still
+numbered among the faithful, when he would at once pronounce the
+portrait excellent, and dwell upon its merits with apparent delight. A
+portrait of Mr. Labouchere, however, he generally failed to recognise.
+The portrait represented the Member for Northampton in a contemplative
+mood, certainly not characteristic of his habitual demeanour in the
+House.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"I have found," said he, "the artist I have been looking for for years.
+I have found an artist who can paint my portrait in four hours and a
+half; he has painted three in thirteen hours; that is Millais."</p>
+
+<p>I was much surprised by this curious criticism on portrait painting.
+Surely, if the portrait of the great orator is to be painted in four
+hours and a half, the same limitation, if carried out, would confine the
+greatest speech ever made to a period of four-and-a-half seconds!</p>
+
+<p>Someone pointedly asked Mr. Gladstone whether he liked Millais'
+portraits.</p>
+
+<p>"Well," he replied, evading any brutal directness of reply, "I have been
+very much interested with his energy; he is the hardest-working man I
+ever saw."</p>
+
+<p>"Do you prefer his result to Holl's?"</p>
+
+<p>"Ah, Holl took double the time, and put me in such a very strained
+position, nearly on tiptoe. I know my heels were off the ground; it
+tired me out, and I was really obliged to lie down and sleep
+afterwards."</p>
+
+<p>"You found Millais charming in conversation?"</p>
+
+<p>"He never spoke when at work; his interest in his work fascinated me."</p>
+
+<p>"Mr. Watts?"</p>
+
+<p>"Ah, there is a delightful conversationalist, and a wonderful artist; he
+has attempted my portrait often&mdash;three attempts of late years&mdash;but he
+has not satisfied himself, and I am bound to say that my friends are of
+the same mind."</p>
+
+<p>"I well remember," remarked Lord Granville, who was one of the party,
+"how uneasy poor Holl was before he painted your portrait. He came to me
+and said, 'I think if you would speak to Mr. Gladstone on some subject
+that would interest him, I would watch him, and that would aid me very
+much.'"</p>
+
+<p>In this picture of Mr. Gladstone the late Frank Holl failed to maintain
+his reputation as an artist of the highest class: that picture of the
+great Liberal leader was disappointing and altogether unworthy of his
+name. This was the more unfortunate because, by the exercise of a little
+forethought, the artist <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span> might easily have avoided that pitfall
+of portrait-painters, an awkward, constrained, and unaccustomed
+attitude, which Mr. Gladstone confessed was torturing him, and by a very
+simple expedient have succeeded in placing Mr. Gladstone in the position
+which everyone who has seen him in the act of delivering a speech in the
+House of Commons would have recognised at once as a true and
+characteristic pose.</p>
+
+<p>Here I have mentioned Mr. Gladstone himself, saying how uncomfortable he
+felt upon the occasion of Mr. Holl's visit to his house for the purpose
+of obtaining a sitting; but I should add that the genial artist who was
+to do the work informed me that he also was no less ill at ease. When
+Mr. Gladstone enquired how he should sit for the portrait, Mr. Holl,
+anxious no doubt to secure a natural pose, replied, "Oh, just as you
+like!" This appeared to disconcert the great statesman somewhat, and he
+appeared to be ruminating as to what sedentary attitude was really his
+favourite one, when Holl came to the rescue.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 160px; ">
+<img src="images/img169.jpg" width="160" height="283" alt="CARICATURE OF THE HOLL PORTRAIT." title="CARICATURE OF THE HOLL PORTRAIT." />
+<span class="caption">CARICATURE OF THE HOLL PORTRAIT.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"I happened," said Mr. Gladstone, "to be standing at my library table
+with my hands upon a book, when Mr. Holl said, 'That will do, Mr.
+Gladstone, exactly,' and the result was that he painted me in that
+position. But I felt uncommonly awkward and uncomfortable the whole
+time, and as I have just said, I had to lie down and sleep after each
+sitting."</p>
+
+<p>Now why was this? It was the very attitude of all others with which we
+who have studied it so often when the ex-Premier has been standing at
+the table in the House are so familiar. No artist who had once seen him
+in that position would have failed to select it as the most favourable
+and characteristic for the purposes of a historical portrait. And yet
+the picture, when it was completed, was a failure, and the artist
+himself knew that it was. The explanation is, I think, very simple, and
+it exemplifies once more the truth of the formula which defines genius
+to be "an infinite capacity for taking pains." Frank <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span> Holl
+undoubtedly had talent, but his omission of an important detail in this
+picture&mdash;a detail which would have probably made all the difference
+between success and failure&mdash;shows once more by how narrow a line the
+highest art is often divided from the next best, that art of which we
+have such a plethora nowadays&mdash;which just contrives to miss hitting the
+bullseye of perfection.</p>
+
+<p>When Mr. Holl exclaimed, "That will do, Mr. Gladstone, exactly," he was
+no doubt impressed with the idea that the great orator was more at ease
+standing at the table in the House of Commons than in any other
+position, and he therefore selected it for his picture. But he forgot
+that upon the table in the House there stands a box on which Mr.
+Gladstone was always in the habit, when he was speaking, of resting one
+of his hands, and that if that box was missing he would naturally,
+although perhaps unconsciously, be sensible that something to which he
+was accustomed was absent, and that he would therefore be as
+uncomfortable as a fish out of water. This was actually the case. But if
+some substitute for the box, of the proper height and size, had been
+forthcoming, I have not the slightest doubt, from my long and close
+observation of the habits and movements of Mr. Gladstone in the House,
+that he would at once have dropped easily into his customary attitude,
+and that the picture in the hands of so true an artist as Holl would
+then have been a conspicuous success.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Gladstone was asked whether he thought the tone of the House had
+degenerated in recent times. He replied that he did not think so at all,
+quoting in proof that after the introduction of the first Reform Bill
+many Members used to express their feelings in cock-crows and other
+offensive ways. Mr. Gladstone, however, at the time I met him, was
+getting decidedly deaf, and no doubt much that went on behind him in the
+House "did not reach" him.</p>
+
+<p>Asked if the "count out" ought to be abolished, Mr. Gladstone said it
+was too convenient a custom to be abolished, but that he noticed a very
+important alteration of late years in the mode of conducting it. Years
+ago he recollected it was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span> the rule that, when a Member moved
+that "forty Members were not present, he was obliged to remain in his
+place while the 'count out' was in progress." "Now," said Mr. Gladstone,
+"he gets up and rushes out.</p>
+
+<p>"Indeed," continued the veteran statesman, "I understand very little
+about the rules and regulations of the House now. I am very ignorant
+indeed; I believe I am the most ignorant man in the House, and I mean to
+continue so; it is not worth my while to begin now to learn fresh
+rules."</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img171.jpg" width="350" height="516" alt="NOTE OF MR. GLADSTONE." title="NOTE OF MR. GLADSTONE." />
+<span class="caption">NOTE OF MR. GLADSTONE MADE IN THE PRESS GALLERY WITH THE WRONG END OF A QUILL PEN.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>He told us of a curious incident which happened in the House when he was
+a young Parliamentary hand. Members did not leave the House for a
+division, but it was left to the discretion of the Speaker to decide
+which side was in the majority. He would then order them to walk to the
+other side of the House, and anyone remaining would of course be counted
+with the opposite side. Old Sir Watkin Wynn, I believe, was determined
+to vote against a certain Bill. He had been hunting all day, and rode up
+to town in time to vote. Arriving in his hunting costume and muddy
+boots, he took his seat tired out, and soon went fast asleep. The
+division came on, and his party were ordered to go over to the other
+side of the House. He slept in blissful ignorance, waking some time
+afterwards to find to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span> his horror that he had been counted with
+those in favour of the Bill.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Gladstone remarked that it was curious that in the old days the
+Whips could tell to a vote how a division would go. He recollected well,
+in 1841, a vote of no confidence in Lord Melbourne was moved. The point
+was going to be decided by one vote. I shall never forget the "Grand Old
+Man's" graphic description of that vote. There was an old Member who was
+known to be to all intents and purposes as dead as a door-nail. The
+excitement was intense to know if that still breathing corpse could be
+brought to vote. Mr. Gladstone, with other young Tory Members, stood
+anxiously round the lobby door watching, and just at the critical moment
+when the vote was to be taken the all but lifeless body was borne along
+ignorant of all that was going around him, his vote was recorded, and
+that one vote sealed the fate of a Ministry.</p>
+
+<p>In Mr. Gladstone's opinion, American humour invariably consisted in
+dealing with magnitudes. He preferred to hear American stories on this
+side of the Atlantic. He never had been in America, and never intended
+going. He expressed himself as apprehensive of the effect on the nervous
+system of the vibration caused by the engines of a steamer travelling at
+a high speed, but spoke with admiration of the rapid travelling at sea
+performed by the Continental mail packets, saying that a few days
+before, returning from the Continent, he had only just settled down to
+read when he was told to disembark, for the steamer had reached Dover.</p>
+
+<p>I overheard Mr. Gladstone asking the question: "Why is it that when we
+get a good thing we do not stick to it?" I fully expected him to launch
+into some huge political question, such as the "Unity of the Empire" or
+"Universal Franchise." Instead of this, I was somewhat surprised to hear
+him proceed: "Now, I recollect an excruciatingly funny toy which you
+wound up, and it danced about in a most comical way. I have watched that
+little nigger many and many a time, but lately I have been looking
+everywhere to get one. I have asked at the shops in the Strand and
+elsewhere, and they show me other things, but <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span> not the funny
+nigger I recollect, so I have given up my search in despair."</p>
+
+<p>I noticed that Mr. Gladstone took champagne at dinner, and after dinner
+a glass of port. Some conversation arising with reference to the history
+of wines, the old politician seemed to know more on the subject than
+anyone else at table; in fact, during the whole evening, there was not a
+subject touched upon on which he did not give the heads for an
+interesting essay. The only time Mr. Gladstone mentioned Ireland was in
+connection with the subject of wines, when he dilated upon the beauties
+of Newfoundland port, which was to be found in Ireland in the good old
+days.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img173.jpg" width="350" height="273" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>In one respect Mr. Gladstone was not an exception among the old, for he
+seemed fond of dwelling upon the great age which men have attained. He
+seemed to think that the high pressure at which we live nowadays would
+show its effect on the longevity of the rising generation, and remarked:</p>
+
+<p>"You young men will have a very bad time of it."</p>
+
+<p>It is curious that very few statesmen indeed have led the House of
+Commons in their old age. It may be said that Lord John Russell was the
+first to do so; Lord Palmerston also was very old before he obtained
+office. And so chatted the Grand Old Man, in the most fascinating and
+delightful manner. He was always the same on such occasions, entering
+into the spirit of the entertainment, and, as was his habit, forgetting
+for the time everything else. When my old friend William Woodall, M.P.
+for Stoke (Governor-General of the Ordnance in Mr. Gladstone's
+Government 1885), gave at St. Anne's Mansions his famous "Sandwich
+Soirées" to his friends, the spacious ballroom on the ground floor
+packed with his many friends&mdash;a characteristic, polyglot gathering of
+Ministers and Parliamentarians <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span> of all kinds, musicians,
+dramatists, authors, artists, actors, and journalists, who sang,
+recited, and gave a gratuitous entertainment (for some of these I acted
+as his hon. secretary, and helped to get together a collection of modern
+paintings on the walls, besides designing the invitations)&mdash;I recollect
+the greatest success was the Grand Old Man. There was "standing room"
+only, but a chair was provided for Mr. Gladstone in the centre of the
+huge circle which had formed around the mesmerist Verbeck. Many guests
+sat on the floor, to afford those behind a better chance of seeing. The
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img174.jpg" width="350" height="301" alt="MR. GLADSTONE SITS ON THE FLOOR." title="MR. GLADSTONE SITS ON THE FLOOR." /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 350px; ">MR. GLADSTONE SITS ON THE FLOOR.</span>
+
+Prime Minister, noticing this, absolutely declined to be an exception,
+and he squatted "à la Turk" on the floor. I confess this struck me as
+"playing to the gallery." It certainly was playing to the Press, for Mr.
+Gladstone's attitude on that occasion was paragraphed all over the
+country, by means of which fact I have here refreshed my memory. In
+fact, Mr. Gladstone was always <i>en évidence</i>. When the great statesman
+dined with Toby, M.P., I was sitting close to him. He had dispensed with
+his own shirt-collars, and wore quite the smallest, slenderest, and most
+inconspicuous of narrow, turn-down collars, assumed for that occasion
+only. "One of Herbert's cast-offs," someone whispered to me. "That's
+strange," said another guest to me. "Last night at dinner the pin in the
+back of Gladstone's collar came out, and as he got excited, the collar
+rose round his head, and we all agreed that 'Furniss ought to have
+witnessed what he has so often drawn, but never seen.'"</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Lucy has made the statement that Mr. Gladstone was "a constant
+student of <i>Punch</i>" and "knew no occasion upon <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span> which he was
+not able to join in the general merriment of the public; but hadn't
+there been enough about the fabulous collars?"</p>
+
+<p>I received an editorial order to bury them, "but before long they were
+out again, flapping their folds in the political breeze."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 650px; clear: both">
+<img src="images/img175.jpg" width="650" height="419" alt="THE FRAGMENT." title="THE FRAGMENT." />
+<span class="caption">THE FRAGMENT OF <i>PUNCH</i> MR. GLADSTONE DID <i>NOT</i> SEE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Well, I have no doubt that Mr. Gladstone for many years was "a constant
+student of <i>Punch</i>," for during the greater portion of his political
+career he was idealised in the pages of <i>Punch</i>, and not caricatured. I
+doubt very much, however, if he made <i>Punch</i> an exception in his latter
+period, for it is well known that for years he was only allowed to see
+flattering notices of himself, and all references at all likely to
+disturb him were kept from his sight. At Mr. Lucy's own house, the night
+Mr. Gladstone dined with him, a copy of <i>Punch</i> was lying on the table,
+containing a rare thing for <i>Punch</i>&mdash;a supplement. In this case it took
+the shape of my caricatures of the Royal Academy, 1889. Just as dinner
+was announced Mr. Gladstone <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span> saw the paper, and was on the
+point of taking it up. I handed it to him, but at the same moment
+slipped the supplement out of the number and threw it under the table,
+for it contained a caricature of Professor Herkomer's Academy portrait
+of Mrs. Gladstone, objecting to being placed next to a lady by Mr. Val
+Prinsep sitting for the "altogether." During dinner Mr. Gladstone
+mentioned this portrait of Mrs. Gladstone, and expressed great delight
+with Herkomer's work: it showed her mature age, he said, and as a
+portrait was very happy and true&mdash;he did not say anything about the
+hanging of it!</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Gladstone was the life and soul of a party, and seemed to enjoy
+being the centre of attraction wherever he was.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 200px; ">
+<img src="images/img176.jpg" width="200" height="213" alt="THE GLADSTONE MATCHBOX." title="THE GLADSTONE MATCHBOX." />
+<span class="caption">THE GLADSTONE MATCHBOX.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Mr. Gladstone's portrait has been adopted by others besides
+caricaturists. It is carved as a gargoyle in the stone-work of a church,
+and the head of the Grand Old Man has been turned into a match-box. The
+latter I here reproduce. It was shown to me one evening when I was the
+guest at the Guard Mess at St. James's Palace. A clever young Guardsman,
+who had a taste for turning, worked this out in wood from my caricatures
+of Mr. Gladstone, and I advised his having it reproduced in pottery.
+The suggestion was carried out by the late Mr. Woodall, the Member for
+the Potteries, and was largely distributed at the time the G.O.M. was
+politically meeting his match and thought by some to be a little
+light-headed.</p>
+
+<p>In being shown round the beautiful municipal buildings in Glasgow I
+found my caricature there accidentally figuring in the marble-work; and
+the guides at Antwerp Cathedral (as I have mentioned in the first
+chapter) point out a grotesque figure in the wood carving of the choir
+stalls which resembles almost exactly Mr. Gladstone's head as depicted
+by me.</p>
+
+<p>I find a note which I introduce here, as I hardly know where to place it
+in this hotch-potch of confessions. Is it a fact that <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span> Mr. Gladstone once signed a
+caricature of himself? In 1896 a Mr. J. T. Cox, of the "Norwich school"
+of amateurs, procured a slab of a sycamore tree felled by Mr. Gladstone,
+and on it reproduced in pencil my <i>Punch</i> cartoon depicting a visit of
+the "Grand Old Undergrad" to his Alma Mater, Oxford. This was sent to
+Hawarden, and returned signed with the following note:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<div style="text-align: right; ">
+<span class="smcap">"Hawarden Castle.<br /></span></div>
+
+<p>"Mr. Gladstone is obliged to refuse his signature, but Mrs. Drew
+asked him for it for herself on enclosed&mdash;it was so cleverly arranged.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>May 5th</i>, 1896."</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>Here is to me, I confess, a first-he-would-and-then-he-wouldn't, Cox and
+Box mystery I fail to explain.</p>
+
+<p>I drew the G.O.M., Mr. Cox drew me, he drew Mrs. Drew, and Mrs. Drew
+drew Mr. Gladstone. Mr. Gladstone refused his signature, and yet he
+signed it. I think he signed his cut of sycamore, and not my cut at him.</p>
+
+<p>Both as a "special artist" for the <i>Illustrated London News</i> in my
+pre-<i>Punch</i> days, and later for various periodicals, I saw and sketched
+Mr. Gladstone on many important occasions, but towards the end of his
+career it was sad to see the great man. The <i>Daily News</i> once gave me a
+chance in the following account of Mr. Gladstone during one of these
+scenes; when Mr. Gladstone, having accidentally mentioned the approach
+of his eightieth birthday, "the vast audience suddenly leapt to its feet
+and burst into ringing cheers. Mr. Gladstone was evidently deeply
+touched by this spontaneous outburst of almost personal affection. He
+stood with hands folded, head bent down, and <i>legs quivering</i>." The fun
+of this joke, however, lies in the fact that the "legs" which quivered
+were the telegraph operators'. The reporter wrote "lips."</p>
+
+<p>So great was the public admiration for the illustrious leader of the
+Liberal Party that merely to see him was, to the majority of his
+audience, enough. In later years he could not be heard at public
+meetings. Penetrating as his voice was, it was absolutely impossible for
+any but those standing immediately around <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span> the platform to hear
+him upon such occasions as that of the famous Blackheath meeting, or
+those at Birmingham or elsewhere; but the masses nevertheless came in
+their thousands, and were more than repaid for their trouble by catching
+only a distant glimpse of William Ewart Gladstone.</p>
+
+<p>Whatever one may think of Mr. Gladstone as a politician (and some say
+that he was no statesman, and others that he was never sincere, while
+many maintain that he was merely a "dangerous old woman"), all must
+agree that as a man he was a figure that England might well be proud of.
+It will be interesting to see what historians will make of him. When the
+glamour of his personality is forgotten, what will be remembered? His
+figure, his face&mdash;and shall I say his collars?</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img178.jpg" width="400" height="138" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>In my time Mr. Parnell was the most interesting figure in Parliament,
+and, after Mr. Gladstone, had the greatest influence in the House. Mr.
+Gladstone was, politically speaking, Parliament itself (at one time he
+was the Country); but I doubt if even Mr. Gladstone ever hypnotised the
+House by his personality as Parnell did. There was a mystery in
+everything connected with the great Irish leader; no mystery hung about
+Mr. Gladstone. Mr. Gladstone in the House was voluble, eloquent,
+communicative. Mr. Parnell was silent, a poor speaker, and as
+uncommunicative as the Sphinx. Mr. Gladstone's power lay in his
+unreservedness; Mr. Parnell's lay in his absolute reserve. His orders
+were "No one to speak to the man at the wheel," and the man at the wheel
+spoke to no one. He guided the Irish ship just as he liked over the
+troubled waters of a political crisis, and not one of his men knew what
+move would be his next. By this means, so foreign to the Irish
+character, he held that excitable, rebellious, irrepressible crew in
+thrall. He made them dance, sleep, roar; he made them obstructionists,
+orators, buffoons, at his will. He made them everything but friends.
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span> A characteristic story was circulated when Parnell was known
+as "the uncrowned king." Accompanied by his faithful private secretary,
+he was walking from the House, when he met one of his colleagues. The
+satellite saluted his chief and "smiled affably at the private
+secretary." Mr. Parnell took no notice whatever of Mr. &mdash;&mdash;, but after a
+few seconds had elapsed, turned to his companion and said, "Who was
+that, Campbell?"</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 160px; ">
+<img src="images/img179.jpg" width="160" height="445" alt="PARNELL." title="PARNELL." />
+<span class="caption">PARNELL.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Why, &mdash;&mdash;" (mentioning the name of the hon. Member), was the reply.</p>
+
+<p>"What a horrible-looking scoundrel!" exclaimed the uncrowned king in his
+most supercilious manner, and then began to talk of something else.</p>
+
+<p>He was a study as fascinating to the artist as to the politician, and no
+portrait ever drawn by pen or pencil can hand down to future generations
+the mysterious subtlety in the personality of the all-powerful leader.</p>
+
+<p>He was as puzzling to the Parliamentary artist as he was to the
+politician: he never appeared just as one expected him. When I first
+made a sketch of him he had short hair, a well-trimmed moustache,
+shortly-cut side whiskers, a neat-fitting coat and trousers, and
+well-shaped boots. He then let his beard and hair grow, and his coat and
+trousers seemed to grow also&mdash;the coat in length and the trousers in
+width; and his boots grew with the rest&mdash;they were ugly and enormous.
+His hat didn't grow, but it was out of date. Then he would cut his beard
+and hair again, wear a short coat, a sort of pilot jacket, and
+eventually a long black coat. So that if a drawing was not published at
+once it would have been out of date.</p>
+
+<p>Some artists have been flattering enough to take my sketches as
+references for Parliamentarians, but others depended on photographs, and
+for years I have seen Mr. Parnell represented with the neatly-trimmed
+moustache and closely-cut side whiskers. <i>A propos</i> of this, I may
+mention here how mistakes often become <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span> perpetuated. John
+Bright, for instance, was generally represented in political sketches
+with an eye-glass. This was a slip made by an artist in <i>Punch</i> many
+years ago. But ever after John Bright was represented with an
+eye-glass&mdash;which he never wore, except on one occasion just to see how he
+liked it.</p>
+
+<p>The effect upon the House when Mr. Parnell rose was always dramatic. He
+sat there during a debate, seldom, if ever, taking a note, with his hat
+well over his eyes and his arms crossed, in strong contrast to the
+restlessness of those around him. When he rose, it seemed an effort to
+lift his voice, and he spoke in a hesitating, ineffective manner.
+Neither was there much in what he said, but he was <i>Parnell</i>, and the
+fact that he said little and said it quietly, that what he said was not
+prepared in consultation with his Whips or with his Party, that in fact
+he was playing a game in which his closest friends were not consulted,
+made his rising interesting from the reporters' gallery to the
+doorkeepers in the Lobby the other side.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Parnell seemed to have been very little affected by his continued
+reverses; and perhaps the only visible effect of his loss of power was
+that the "uncrowned king" of Ireland changed his top-hat to a plebeian
+bowler, but he did not change his coat. He was always careless about his
+dress, and his tall, handsome figure looked somewhat ridiculous when he
+wore a bowler, black frock coat, and his hair as usual unkempt.</p>
+
+<p>The fall of Parnell was one of the most sensational and certainly the
+most dramatic incident in the history of Parliament.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Parnell was politically ruined and the Irish Party smashed beyond
+recovery in the famous Committee Room No. 15, after the disclosures in
+the Divorce Court in which Mr. Parnell figured as co-respondent. Mr.
+Parnell had found the Irish Party without a leader, without a programme,
+without a future. He had by his individual force made it a power which
+had to be reckoned with, and which practically controlled Parliament. He
+had been attacked by the most important paper in the world. He had come
+out of the affair, in the eyes of many, a hero; he <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span> made his
+Party stronger than their wildest dreams ever anticipated. But his
+followers little thought that in hiding from them his tactics he had
+also hidden the weakness which caused his ultimate downfall. Howbeit the
+Irish Party, whom he held in a hypnotic trance, agreed to stand by him
+still. Then, suddenly, Mr. Gladstone made his demand for a sacrifice to
+Mrs. Grundy. His famous letter, written November 24th, 1894, to Mr.
+Morley, was the death-warrant to Parnellism, and, as it subsequently
+proved, to Gladstonianism as well.</p>
+
+<p>There was a strange fascination in watching the mysterious Leader of the
+Irish Party during the crisis, and I took full advantage of my privilege
+in the House to do so. I was in and about the House early and late, and
+probably saw more of Mr. Parnell than anyone else not connected with
+him. It was just before his exposure that I happened to be in an
+out-of-the-way passage leading from the House, making a little note in
+my sketch-book on a corner of the building, when Mr. Parnell walked out.
+He stood close by, not observing me, and was occupied for a minute in
+taking letters out of the pocket on the right side of his overcoat: they
+were unopened. He looked at them singly; now and then he would tap one
+on the other, as much as to say, "I wonder what is in that?" Then he
+passed it over with the others and put them all into the pocket on the
+left side of his overcoat, and strolled off to catch his train to
+Brighton. That incident, as I subsequently found out, was the cause of
+much of his trouble; for I was informed, when I mentioned it to a great
+friend of Mr. Parnell's and of mine&mdash;Mr. Richard Power&mdash;that about that
+time he had written him important letters which might have saved him if
+they had been attended to in time.</p>
+
+<p>But those who saw the fallen chief during the sittings in Committee Room
+No. 15, when, through the letter of Mr. Gladstone to which I have
+referred, he was denounced, and had to fight with his back to the wall,
+can never forget his tragic figure during that exciting time. No one
+knew better than he that the tactics of his lieutenant would be cunning
+and perhaps treacherous; so this lazy, self-composed man suddenly awoke
+as <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span> a general who finds himself surprised in the camp, and
+determines to keep watch himself. Every day he took by right the chair
+at the meetings. Had he not been present, who knows that it would not
+have been wrested from him? In the early afternoon I saw him more than
+once walk with a firm step, with an ashy pale face, his eyes fixed
+straight in front of him, through the yard, through the Lobby, up the
+stairs, and into Room 15, accompanied by his secretary, Mr. Campbell.
+The members of his Party, on their arrival, found him sitting where they
+had left him the night before. I recollect one morning, as he passed
+where I was standing, he never moved his head, but I heard him say to
+Mr. Campbell, "Who's that? what does he want?" in a sharp, nervous
+manner. He never seemed to recognise anyone, or wish them to recognise
+him. His one idea was to face the man who wished to fight him in the
+little ring they had selected in the Committee Room No. 15.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img182.jpg" width="250" height="291" alt="TO ROOM 15." title="TO ROOM 15." />
+<span class="caption">TO ROOM 15.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>No outsider but myself heard any portion of that debate, for at the
+beginning of it the reporters, who were standing round the doors outside
+to hear what they could, were ordered away; and I was left there, not
+being a reporter, to finish a rather tedious sketch of the corridor. A
+policeman was placed at either end of this very long passage, and if
+anyone had to pass that way he was not allowed to pause for a moment at
+the door of the room upon which the interest of the political world was
+centred at the moment. Nearly all the time I was there I only saw the
+policeman at either end, and one solitary figure seated on the bench
+outside the door. It was the figure of a woman with a kind,
+homely-looking face, resting with her head upon her hand. She seemed not
+to be aware of, or at least not interested in what was going on inside;
+she simply sighed as Big Ben tolled on toward the hour for the dismissal
+of the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span> Leader of the Irish Party. She was the wife of a blind
+Member of Parliament who was taking part in the proceedings, and her
+thoughts were evidently more intent upon seeing that her husband was not
+worn out by that strange, long struggle than in the political
+significance of the meeting.</p>
+
+<p>It was my good fortune to hear what was perhaps the most interesting of
+the speeches&mdash;John Redmond's defence of his chief&mdash;and I never wish to
+listen to a finer oration. Everyone admits that the Irish are, by
+nature, good speakers, but they are not always sincere. Here was a
+combat in which there was no quarter, no gallery, and no reporters. The
+men spoke from their hearts, and if any orator could have moved an
+assembly by his power and genius, Mr. Redmond ought to have had a
+unanimous vote recorded in favour of his chief. I am not a phonograph,
+nor was I a journalist privileged to record what passed, and have no
+intention of breaking their trust.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img183.jpg" width="300" height="498" alt="OUTSIDE ROOM 15." title="OUTSIDE ROOM 15." />
+<span class="caption">OUTSIDE ROOM 15.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I shall never forget the scene one Wednesday afternoon when Mr. Maurice
+Healy, brother of "Tim," and one of the Members for Cork, challenged Mr.
+Parnell to retire and so enable their respective claims to the
+confidence of the people of Cork to be tested. He tried to drag Mr.
+Parnell into a newspaper controversy upon this point, but failing to do
+so repeated in tragic tones his somewhat Hibernian sentiment that Mr.
+Parnell did not represent the constituency which elected him. Mr.
+Maurice Healy, a somewhat sickly-looking young man, with a family
+resemblance to his brother, is much taller than his more famous
+relative, but lacks the stamina and vivacity of the Member for Longford.</p>
+
+<p>At this moment, when the Irish Party might have been likened to
+machinery deprived of its principal wheel, it was curious to <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span> notice how energetic Mr. Parnell
+became. He tried to cover his position by being unusually active in
+Parliament; he followed the Chief Secretary for Ireland in the debates
+upon the Land Purchase Bill, to the obvious discomfort of Mr. Morley,
+and rather delighted the young Conservatives by twitting the faction
+which had thrown him over. His speeches, however, were laboured, and, as
+one of the Irish Members remarked to me in the Lobby, it had a curious
+effect on them to see Mr. Parnell sit down after making an important
+speech without hearing a single cheer. And whereas for years he had
+addressed the House with the greatest calmness, his chief characteristic
+being his "reserve force," he now changed all this, and one Friday night
+caused quite a sensation in the House in his attack upon Mr. Gladstone,
+not so much by what he said as by the manner in which he said it. His
+excitement was visible to all, and he was observed to be positively
+convulsed with anger. He also remained, contrary to his previous custom,
+late in the House.</p>
+
+<p>The last occasion on which I saw Charles Stewart Parnell was a few
+months before his death. I was in Dublin during the Horse Show week,
+giving my "Humours of Parliament" to crowded houses in the "Ancient
+Concert Rooms," and my ancient hotel rooms were at Morrison's
+Hotel&mdash;"Parnell's Hotel," for the "uncrowned king" (at that time
+deposed) always stopped there&mdash;in fact it was said he had an interest in
+the property. It was late on Sunday afternoon. I was writing in my
+sitting-room on the first floor, next to Parnell's room, when the
+strains of national music of approaching bands smote my ear, and soon
+the hotel was surrounded by a cheering, shouting crowd. Banners were
+flying, bands were playing, thousands of voices were shouting. Standing
+in a brake haranguing the surging mass of people was the familiar figure
+of Charles Stewart Parnell. With difficulty he descended from the brake,
+and had literally to fight his way into the hotel, while his worshippers
+clung on to him into the building, till they were seized and ejected by
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img185a.jpg" width="450" height="260" alt="OUTSIDE MY ROOM." title="OUTSIDE MY ROOM." /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 450px; ">OUTSIDE MY ROOM.</span>
+
+the servants. I went out of my door to see the scene, and in the passage
+outside, between Parnell's sitting-room and mine, he sat apparently
+exhausted. His flesh seemed transparent&mdash;I could <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span>
+fancy I saw the pattern of the wall-paper through his pallid cheeks. The
+next moment, before I was aware, another figure sat on the same seat,
+arms were thrown round my neck. It was my old Irish nurse, who had come
+up from Wexford to see me, and had been lying in wait for me.</p>
+
+<p>The first picture I drew for <i>Punch's</i> essence of Parliament was a
+portrait of Lord Randolph Churchill, "Caught on the Hip," to illustrate
+the following truly prophetic words of Toby, M.P.: "The new delight you
+have given us is the spectacle of an undisciplined Tory&mdash;a man who will
+not march at the word of command and snaps his fingers at his captain.
+You won't last long, Randolph; you are rather funny than witty&mdash;more
+impudent than important." That was written at the opening of Parliament,
+1891.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img185b.jpg" width="400" height="275" alt="THE G.O.M. AND RANDY." title="THE G.O.M. AND RANDY." />
+<span class="caption">"THE G.O.M." AND "RANDY."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I must plead guilty to being the cause of giving an erroneous impression
+of Lord Randolph's height. He was not a small man, but he <i>looked</i>
+small; and when he first came into notoriety, with a small following,
+was considered of small importance and, by some, small-minded. It was to
+show this political insignificance in humorous contrast to his bombastic
+audacity that I represented him as a midget; but the idea was also
+suggested from time to time by his opponents in debate. Did not Mr.
+Gladstone once call him a gnat? and do we not find the <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span> following lines under <i>Punch's</i>
+Fancy Portraits, No. 47, drawn by Mr. Sambourne?</p>
+
+<div style="font-size: 90%; "><p>
+<span style="margin-left: 5em; ">"There is a Midge at Westminster,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 7em; ">A Gnatty little Thing,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 9em; ">It bites at Night<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 9em; ">This mighty Mite,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 7em; ">But no one feels its sting."</span></p></div>
+
+<p>Two gentlemen of Yorkshire had a dispute about his correct height, and
+one of them, anxious to have an authoritative pronouncement, wrote to
+the noble Lord, and received the following reply:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<div style="text-align: right; ">
+<span class="smcap">"2, Connaught Place, W.<br /></span></div>
+
+<p>"<span class="smcap">Dear Sir</span>,&mdash;Lord Randolph Churchill desires me to say, in reply to
+your letter of the 21st inst., that his height is just under 5ft. 10in.</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: center; ">"I am, yours faithfully,</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; ">"<span class="smcap">Cecil Drummond-Wolff</span>, Secretary."</p>
+</div>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 220px; ">
+<img src="images/img186.jpg" width="220" height="467" alt="MR. LOUIS JENNINGS." title="MR. LOUIS JENNINGS." />
+<span class="caption">MR. LOUIS JENNINGS.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Lord Randolph Churchill was a mere creature of impulse, the spoilt pet
+of Parliament&mdash;what you will&mdash;but no one can deny that he was the most
+interesting figure in the House since Disraeli. He had none of
+Disraeli's chief attraction&mdash;namely, mystery. Nor had he Disraeli's
+power of organisation, for, although Lord Randolph "educated a party" of
+three&mdash;the first step to his eventually becoming Leader of the House&mdash;it
+cannot be said that at any time afterwards he really had, in the strict
+sense of the word, a party at all. He was a political Don Quixote, and
+he had his Sancho Panza in the person of Mr. Louis Jennings. Perhaps
+nothing can show the impulsive nature of Lord Randolph more than the
+incident which was the cause of Mr. Jennings breaking with Lord
+Randolph. Mr. Louis Jennings was, in many ways, his chief's superior: a
+brilliant journalist, originally on the <i>Times</i>, afterwards editor of
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span> the <i>New York World</i>, when, by dint of his energy and pluck,
+he was the chief cause of breaking up the notorious Tammany Ring; a
+charming writer of picturesque country scenes&mdash;in fact, an accomplished
+man, and one harshly treated by that fickle dame Fortune by being
+branded, rightly or wrongly, as the mere creature of a political
+adventurer.</p>
+
+<p>One afternoon I was standing in the Inner Lobby when Mr. Jennings asked
+me to go into the House to a seat under the Gallery to hear him deliver
+a speech he had been requested to make by the Government Party, and one
+he thought something of. At that moment Lord Randolph came up and said,
+"I am going in to hear you, Jennings; I have arranged not to speak till
+after dinner." And we all three entered the House.</p>
+
+<p>Lord Randolph, who had then left the Ministry, sat on the bench in the
+second row below the gangway, on the Government side of the House. Mr.
+Jennings was seated on the bench behind, close to where he had found a
+place for me under the Gallery. He carefully arranged the notes for his
+speech, and directly the Member who had been addressing the House sat
+down, Mr. Jennings jumped to his feet to "catch the Speaker's eye." But
+Lord Randolph, who had been very restless all through the speech just
+delivered, sprang to his feet. Jennings leant over to him and said
+something, but Churchill waved him impatiently away, and the Speaker
+called upon Lord Randolph. Jennings sank back with a look of disgust and
+chagrin, which changed to astonishment when Lord Randolph fired out that
+famous Pigott speech, in which he attacked his late colleagues with a
+vituperation and vulgarity he had never before betrayed. His speech
+electrified the House and disgusted his friends&mdash;none more so than his
+faithful Jennings, who left the Chamber directly after his "friend's"
+tirade of abuse, returning later in the evening to make a capital
+speech, full of feeling and power, in which he finally threw over Lord
+Randolph. In the meantime, meeting me, he did not hide the fact that the
+incident had determined him to have nothing more to say to Churchill.
+And this was the man I once drew a cartoon of in <i>Punch</i> on all fours,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span> with a coat covering his head (suspiciously like a donkey's
+head), with "Little Randy" riding on his back!</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img188.jpg" width="350" height="392" alt="LORD RANDOLPH AND LOUIS JENNINGS." title="LORD RANDOLPH AND LOUIS JENNINGS." />
+<span class="caption">LORD RANDOLPH AND LOUIS JENNINGS.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>If Samson's strength vanished with his hair, Lord Randolph's strength
+vanished with the growing of his beard. The real reason why Lord
+Randolph so strangely transformed himself is not generally known, but it
+was for the simplest of all reasons&mdash;like that of the gentleman who
+committed suicide because he was "tired of buttoning and unbuttoning,"
+Lord Randolph was tired of shaving or being shaved; hence the heroic
+beard, which has offended certain political purists who think that a man
+with an established reputation has no right to alter his established
+appearance. Still, if he had not vanished to grow his beard, I doubt if
+he would have survived the winter; and probably he discovered that it
+was good for any man to escape now and then from what the late Mr. R. L.
+Stevenson called "the servile life of cities." Perhaps no one received
+such a "sending off," or was more fêted, than Lord Randolph Churchill.
+Happening to be a guest at more than one of those festive little
+gatherings, I heard Lord Randolph say that all the literary food that he
+was taking out with him to Mashonaland consisted of the works of two
+authors&mdash;one English, and the other French. We were asked who they were.
+"In Darkest England," suggested one. "Ruff's Guide to the Turf," said
+another. Both were wrong. And it ultimately transpired that, together
+with his friends' best wishes for his safe return, Lord Randolph was
+carrying with him complete sets of the works of Shakespeare and Molière.</p>
+
+<p>The deafness which attacked Lord Randolph led to his making mistakes,
+and to others making a scene, particularly when the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span> noise in
+the House was so great through the excitement on the Home Rule question.
+I find a note made then upon this point, alluding to a little incident
+<i>à propos</i> of Lord Randolph Churchill's deafness: "It is really
+dangerous, considering the high state of feeling in the House, that
+Members antagonistic to each other should have to sit side by side.
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img189.jpg" width="320" height="623" alt="LORD RANDOLPH CHURCHILL." title="LORD RANDOLPH CHURCHILL." /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 320px; ">LORD RANDOLPH CHURCHILL.</span>
+
+During the stormy scene to which I have just alluded, I was sitting in
+one of the front boxes directly over the Speaker's chair, and, although
+remarks kept flying about from the benches below, it was difficult to
+catch the words, and still more difficult to stop the utterer; so I
+don't wonder that Lord Randolph Churchill&mdash;who is rather deaf&mdash;should
+have misconstrued the words, 'You are not dumb!' as 'You are knocked
+up!' Later on, however, an Irish Member knocked down another one who was
+opposed to him in politics; and this the Press called 'coming into
+collision.'"</p>
+
+<p>There is little doubt that ill-health was the cause of that
+querulousness which led to Lord Randolph's curious and fatal move. I
+recollect being introduced to an American doctor in the Lobby one
+afternoon when Lord Randolph was at the zenith of his height and fame.
+Lord Randolph passed close to us, and stood for a few minutes talking to
+the Member who had introduced the doctor to me. I whispered to the
+American to take stock of the Member his friend was talking to. He did,
+and when Lord Randolph walked away he said, "Well, I don't know who that
+man is, but he won't live five years." It was unfortunate for the
+reputation of Lord Randolph that the doctor's words did not come true.</p>
+
+<p>Many efforts were made by the friends of Lord Randolph to <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span> bring Lord Salisbury and his
+lieutenant together again. A deputation of a few intimate friends,
+ladies as well as gentlemen, called on Lord Salisbury, presumably on
+quite a different matter, but led up to Lord Randolph. Lord Salisbury,
+seeing through their object, asked the question, "Have any of you ever
+had a carbuncle on the back of your neck?"</p>
+
+<p>"No."</p>
+
+<p>"Then I have, and I do not want another."</p>
+
+<p>But perhaps Lord Salisbury saw more than anyone else that Lord Randolph
+was not the man he once was. It was painful in his latter days to see
+the Members run out of the House when he rose to speak, and to recollect
+that but a few years before they poured in to listen to the "plucky
+little Randy"; and the sympathy of everyone for him was shown in a very
+marked way by the kindness of the Press when one of the most
+extraordinary figures in the Parliamentary world had passed away.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img190.jpg" width="500" height="410" alt="BEHIND THE SPEAKER'S CHAIR." title="BEHIND THE SPEAKER'S CHAIR." />
+<span class="caption">BEHIND THE SPEAKER'S CHAIR.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Lord Randolph Churchill recalls another familiar figure I
+caricatured&mdash;Lord Iddesleigh, a statesman who will always be
+remembered with respect. No statue has ever been erected in
+the buildings of the House of Commons to any Member who
+better deserves it, and, strange to say, the white marble took
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span>
+the character and style of the man, chilliness, pure, and firm.
+A country gentleman in politics and out of it, free from flashy
+party-colour rhetoric.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 200px; ">
+<img src="images/img191.jpg" width="200" height="370" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ir Stafford Northcote, as he was known in the House of Commons, the
+gentlest of statesmen, had by no means a peaceful career in politics. He
+was at one time Mr. Gladstone's secretary, and those who knew him
+declare that he never lost his respect and admiration for his former
+master, although time took him from Mr. Gladstone's flock to the fold of
+Lord Beaconsfield. I recollect on one occasion, when I was seated in a
+Press box directly over the Speaker's chair, seeing Mr. Gladstone write
+a memorandum on a piece of paper and throw it across the table to Sir
+Stafford, who was at that time Leader of the House of Commons; after
+reading it, Sir Stafford nodded to Mr. Gladstone, and they both rose
+together and went behind the Speaker's chair. One could easily detect in
+the manner of the two old friends an existence of personal regard, and
+their estrangement on political circumstances must have been a matter of
+mutual regret. Sir Stafford and Mr. Gladstone towards the end, however,
+did not show that friendliness that had gone on for so many years. This
+may have been brought about by many causes, not the least of which was
+the fact that Mr. Gladstone refused to lead the House during the
+Bradlaugh scene, and left it to Sir Stafford, then Leader of the
+Opposition. For instance, after the division in which Mr. Bradlaugh was
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span> refused the House by a vote of 383 to 233, the Speaker appealed
+to the House to know what to do. Mr. Bradlaugh stood at the table and
+refused to leave it. Mr. Gladstone lay back on the seat of the
+Government bench motionless, so Sir Stafford took up the leadership of
+the House, and asked the Prime Minister, whom he facetiously called the
+Leader of the House, "whether he intended to propose any counsel, any
+course for the purpose of maintaining the authority of the House and of
+the Chair." And so it was on many occasions. When Mr. Bradlaugh did rush
+up to the table of the House, escorted by Mr. Labouchere and Mr. Bass,
+and went through the amusing part of taking the oath, he brought the
+book which he kissed and the papers which he signed, and then rushed
+back into his seat. The House witnessed the scene indescribable by
+either pen or pencil. But here again Mr. Gladstone refused to lead the
+House. There had been a division, and Mr. Bradlaugh had once more been
+refused admission; so Sir Stafford Northcote came forward, as he always
+did on these occasions, in the mildest possible way and the most
+gentlemanly manner, which rather added to the effect of his taking the
+reins left dangling uselessly by the Leader of the House. He said: "Mr.
+Speaker, I need hardly say that if the Leader of the House desires to
+rise, I will give him the opportunity; but assuming that he does not, I
+intend to do so, and as I see no indication of his consent to do so, I
+shall call the attention of the House to the position in which we
+stand," and so on. Sir Stafford Northcote was not a man to stand the
+rough treatment which Members have had in the House during the last
+fifteen years. Had he been a Member twenty years before that, or even a
+little more, he would have been more in tone with the "best club in
+London." He was perplexed by Mr. Gladstone, he was bullied by Lord
+Randolph Churchill, and he was generally looked upon as an old woman,
+and eventually he was simply sent up to the other House. It was not
+until his sad and tragic death occurred that everyone realised that they
+had lost one of the most able statesmen and one of the finest gentlemen
+that ever sat in the House of Commons.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img193.jpg" width="300" height="380" alt="" title="" />
+<span class="caption"></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>ad Mr. Bradlaugh taken the oath with the rest of the Members when first
+introduced to the House, or had he, after refusing to take it, behaved
+with less violence, I doubt if he would have made any name in
+Parliament. The House was determined to fight Bradlaugh, and it is not
+to be wondered at, for he paraded his atheism, and his views on other
+matters, in the most repulsive manner possible. But Bradlaugh did not
+run the risk of fighting down mere prejudice. Had he taken the oath, he
+would only have won the ear of the House by proving himself a great
+politician. This he was not, though he was a hard-working one, and a
+model Member from a constituency's point of view. But the only big
+question he mastered was his own right to take his seat. Once he got it,
+he became a respectable and respected Member of Parliament, and nothing
+more. So, with the wisdom of the serpent, he did not enter the House
+quietly to fight a wearisome and impossible battle against the
+inveterate prejudices of the Members. No, Bradlaugh defied the House of
+Commons; he horrified it, he insulted it, he lectured it, he laughed at
+it, he tricked it, he shamed it, he humiliated it, he conquered it. He
+brought to their knees the men who howled at him&mdash;as no other man has
+ever been howled at before&mdash;by sheer force of character.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum' style="clear: both; "><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img194.jpg" width="600" height="640" alt="BRADLAUGH TRIUMPHANT." title="BRADLAUGH TRIUMPHANT." />
+<span class="caption">BRADLAUGH TRIUMPHANT. <i>From "Punch."</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Bradlaugh's bitter struggle would fill a volume. Select Committees were
+appointed, and they declared against him. Ignoring them, Bradlaugh
+marched up to the table and demanded to be sworn. The Fourth Party would
+not let him touch the Testament. Three days followed of angry debate on
+Bradlaughism, with more scenes. A new Committee reversed the decision of
+its predecessor, and said that Bradlaugh might affirm. Two days were
+consumed in discussing this, and the present Lord Chancellor, then Sir
+Hardinge Giffard, swayed the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span> House against the report of the
+Committee. Nothing daunted, Mr. Bradlaugh the very next day was back at
+the table of the House, clamouring to be allowed to address the House on
+his case. A scene of wild confusion resulted, Mr. Bradlaugh endeavouring
+to speak, the House howling to prevent him. Eventually he was ordered
+below the Bar&mdash;that is, nominally outside the House, although within the
+four walls. After much acrimonious chatter from all sides, he was
+
+<span class="figright">
+<img src="images/img195.jpg" width="200" height="318" alt="CHARLES BRADLAUGH." title="CHARLES BRADLAUGH." /></span>
+<span class="capright" style="width: 200px; ">CHARLES BRADLAUGH.</span>
+
+allowed to make his speech. His hour had come. He stood like a prisoner
+pleading before a single judge and a jury of 670 of his fellow-men. His
+speech was more worthy of the Surrey Theatre than of the "Best Club." It
+was bombastic and theatrical. He was ordered to withdraw, while the jury
+considered their verdict. When he was recalled, it was to hear sentence
+of expulsion passed on him. But he would not depart, and another
+tremendous uproar took place. Mr. Bradlaugh's well-trained platform
+voice rose above all others in loud assertion of his "rights," and he
+continued to call for them all through the House, the Lobbies, the
+corridors, up the winding stair into the Clock Tower, where he was
+immured by the Sergeant-at-Arms. The following day he was released after
+another angry debate, and he quickly returned to the forbidden
+precincts. Then he was induced to quit, but on the next day he came down
+to the House with his family, and with a triumphant procession entered
+the House amid the cheers of the crowd. So the drama went on day after
+day, like a Chinese play. The characters in it were acted by the leading
+players on both sides of the House, and the excitement never flagged for
+a moment until Mr. Bradlaugh was allowed to affirm. He was told that he
+would vote at his own <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span> risk. He voted repeatedly, and by so
+doing incurred a fine, at the hands of Mr. Justice Mathew, of the little
+round sum of £100,000 (he never had 100,000 farthings), nor could he
+even open his mouth in the House without savage interruption. Finally,
+Mr. Labouchere, his colleague, moved for a new writ for the borough of
+Northampton. Bradlaugh re-won the seat by the small majority of 132
+votes, and the Bradlaugh incubus lay once more on Parliament. Then
+followed the same old cycle of events, the same scene at the table, the
+same angry religious warfare in debate (Mr. Bright's great oratorical
+effort will be remembered), the same speech from Mr. Bradlaugh at the
+Bar, the same division, the same result. Scene followed scene, and
+scandal scandal for weeks, months, years.</p>
+
+<p>To appreciate Mr. John Bright fully, one must have heard him. Really to
+comprehend his power and greatness, one must have heard him at his best.
+Yet the greatness of his oratory lay not so much in what he said as in
+the beautiful way he said it.</p>
+
+<p>Previous to my having the opportunity of listening to the debates, Mr.
+Bright had reached that stage a singer reaches who has to all intents
+retired from the stage, and merely makes an appearance for someone's
+benefit now and then. In the first two or three years which I recall in
+these pages Mr. Bright was making his last appearance in grand political
+opera. He was in the Government, but although he assured the House that
+"he was not going to turn his back upon himself"&mdash;an assertion of his
+powers as a contortionist I endeavoured to depict in <i>Punch</i> the
+following week&mdash;Mr. Bright had practically turned his back upon making
+great oratorical displays. The Bradlaugh scandal was in 1881 the subject
+of the hour, and it was whilst appearing for Mr. Bradlaugh's benefit, on
+the occasion of one of the numerous matinées arranged by the elected for
+Northampton, that Mr. Bright used the words. But on no occasion in my
+memory did he rise in a full-dress debate to make one of those grand
+efforts with which his name will ever be remembered as the great orator.</p>
+
+<p>Statesmanship was not so much to him as speechifying. He <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span> was not a diplomatist such as
+Beaconsfield, a tactician like Mr. Gladstone, a fearless, dashing
+debater like Lord Derby the elder, "The Rupert of Debate"; nor had he
+the weight of Lord Salisbury, nor the æstheticism of Mr. Balfour. But as
+a mere voice in the political opera he had a charm above them all. In
+appearance he was commonplace compared with these others I have
+mentioned. Often the most indifferent-looking horse in the stable or in
+the paddock is the best in action. You would not give £40 for some
+standing at ease; but in action, moving to perfection, with fire and
+speed and staying power, the price is more like £20,000. Mr. Bright
+never got into his stride at any time or in any event while he came
+under my observation.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; clear: both; ">
+<img src="images/img197.jpg" width="600" height="408" alt="THE MEET AT ST. STEPHEN'S." title="THE MEET AT ST. STEPHEN'S." />
+<span class="caption">THE MEET AT ST. STEPHEN'S.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>These equine remarks about a great politician bring to mind a protest I
+received about a drawing of mine, which appeared a year or two ago,
+representing Mr. Gladstone as a Grand Old Horse, hearing the horn at the
+meet, cantering towards his companions in so many runs in which he had
+taken the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span> lead, and for which his day had gone. The protest
+came from a Quaker, horrified at my depicting Mr. Gladstone as a
+gee-gee! as if he had not been so depicted often enough before.</p>
+
+<p>Jacob Bright was the very antithesis to his brother, both in appearance
+and manner&mdash;tall, of a nervous, wiry frame, rigid face, severe
+expression. He, like others without a spark of humour, was often the
+means of unconscious merriment. For instance, when Lord Randolph
+Churchill was Member for Woodstock, Mr. Jacob Bright referred to him as
+the noble lord "the Member for Woodcock." Sir John Tenniel in the
+cartoon in <i>Punch</i>, and myself in the minor pictures of Parliament in
+that journal, made full use of the "woodcock," and, therefore, revelling
+in heraldry, quickly added the woodcock to the Churchill arms.</p>
+
+<p>Half the bores in London clubs are Indian officials returned to us with
+their digestion and their temper destroyed, to spend the rest of their
+days in fighting their poor livers and their unhappy friends. The
+etiquette of Clubland prevents one from protesting. But in the "Best
+Club" they are not spared. They are either howled at, or left to speak
+to empty benches.</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps Sir George Campbell, who had been Governor of Bombay, was the
+most eccentric bore we have ever had in the House of Commons. Sir George
+has acknowledged that he could not resist the temptation to speak. On
+one occasion he made no less than fifty-five speeches on the Standing
+Committee of one Bill. At breakfast in the morning he read in the
+<i>Times</i> his heated, unconsidered interruptions in the House the night
+before, and he read of the contempt with which they were received&mdash;the
+"Loud laughter," cries of "Order!" "Divide! divide! divide!" and the
+snubs administered to him by the wearied and disgusted Members. He read
+after lunch at his club the jeering remarks of the evening Press. He was
+well aware he was a nuisance to the House, and he resolved as he walked
+down Whitehall not to open his mouth. But as soon as he crossed Palace
+Yard and entered the corridors of the House he sniffed the odour of
+authority and the fever of debate. He, the Great Sir George of
+India,&mdash;silent? Never! Whether <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span> there was a question about the
+bathing-machines on the beach at Hastings, or the spread of scarlet
+fever at Battersea, or about an old pump at Littleshrimpton, he cared
+not: he must act his part&mdash;that of the Pantaloon in Parliament.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 200px; ">
+<img src="images/img199.jpg" width="200" height="371" alt="SIR GEORGE CAMPBELL." title="SIR GEORGE CAMPBELL." />
+<span class="caption">SIR GEORGE CAMPBELL.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>In appearance he was a striking, handsome man, with a strong
+individuality. A good head, piercing eye, well-shaped nose, and tall,
+active frame no doubt added to his authority in India. He struck me as a
+man who had been taken to pieces on his way home to this country, and
+put together again badly, for his joints were all wrong. Certainly his
+head was, and he was over wound up. His tongue never ceased, and the
+worst of it was he had a rasping, penetrating voice, with the strongest
+Scotch accent. One afternoon in the House this accent led to one of
+those frequent outbursts of merriment and protest combined&mdash;so common
+when Sir George bored the House, as he was always doing. Sometimes he
+made over thirty speeches in one evening. A question was asked about the
+obstructive methods of the irrepressible Sir George, who on this
+particular afternoon was supported in his boredom by two other bores,
+the Member for Sunderland and Mr. Conybeare. These three had the House
+to themselves, and peppered the Government benches with question after
+question, speech after speech. Sir George alluded to themselves as "a
+band of devoted guerillas." The weary House, not paying particular
+attention to every accent, failed to catch most of what Sir George said,
+as his rasping Scotch accent left them no escape. But the last word was
+misunderstood, and an outburst of laughter, long, loud, and hearty,
+followed, and, in a Parliamentary sense, killed Sir George for the day.
+The House understood him to say "a band of us devoted gorillas."</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps the neatest rebuke Sir George ever had in the House&mdash;or, as a
+matter of fact, any Member ever had&mdash;was administered by that most
+polished wit, Mr. Plunket (now Lord Rathmore). <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span> Sir George
+solemnly rose and asked Mr. Plunket, who happened at the time to be
+Minister of Public Works, whether he (Mr. Plunket) was responsible for
+the "fearful creatures" whose effigies adorn the staircase of
+Westminster Hall. Mr. Plunket rose and quietly replied, in his
+effective, hesitating manner, "I am not responsible for the fearful
+creatures either in Westminster Hall or in this House," a retort which
+"brought down the House" and caused it to laugh loud and long. This I
+chronicled in a drawing for <i>Punch</i> the following week.</p>
+
+<p>The subject of gargoyles recalls another witticism, which, however, has
+the light touch that failed.</p>
+
+<p>Now there is nothing so disappointing to a humorist as to lead up to an
+interruption, and then find he is not interrupted. Mr. Chamberlain
+seldom fails to bring off his little unsuspected repartee, and it is his
+mastery of this art that make his speeches sparkle with diamond
+brilliancy, but then these are usually serious, and he can afford a few
+miss-fires. Mr. Goschen, in the Commons, romped through his "plants" for
+his opponents; his interruptions were three or four deep, but he was
+ready for all of them. He may be likened to a professional chess player,
+playing a dozen opponents at once, and remembering all the moves on the
+separate boards. But for a humorist to miss fire&mdash;after an elaborate
+joke is prepared&mdash;is a catastrophe.</p>
+
+<p>Colonel Sanderson rose on a very important and ticklish occasion to
+"draw" Mr. Labouchere. The Member for Northampton had been electrifying
+the House by his free handling of a matter affecting the morality of
+private individuals, a course of action for which, later on, he was
+suspended. Colonel Sanderson, alluding to Mr. Labouchere, called him a
+"political gargoyle." Mr. Labouchere did not, as was expected, rise in a
+furious state and demand an explanation. The Colonel paused and
+repeated, "I say the hon. gentleman, the Member for Northampton, is a
+political gargoyle." No notice was taken by the gentleman compared to
+the architectural adornment of past days; it was evident that, like the
+gargoyle in ancient architecture, the remark of the humorous Colonel was
+some elaboration too lofty to be noticed. A few days afterwards <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span> Mr. Labouchere met the Colonel,
+and asked him what he meant by calling him a political gargoyle. "Well,"
+said the Colonel, "rather late to ask me; you will find the definition
+in the dictionary. It is a grotesque gutter-spout." Said Mr. Labouchere,
+"You're a very clever fellow, Colonel; that would have been a capital
+point&mdash;if you had made it."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px; ">
+<img src="images/img201.jpg" width="500" height="670" alt="MR. PLUNKET'S JOKE." title="MR. PLUNKET'S JOKE." />
+<span class="caption">HERALDIC DESIGN ILLUSTRATING MR. PLUNKET'S (NOW LORD RATHMORE) JOKE. <i>From "Punch."</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Mr. Farmer Atkinson, who succeeded Sir William Ingram of the
+<i>Illustrated London News</i> and the <i>Sketch</i> as Member for Boston,
+Lincolnshire, was an invaluable "subject" for me during his brief hour
+upon the Parliamentary stage. Our introduction was peculiar. It so
+happened that when Mr. (now Sir) Christopher Furness was first returned
+for Hartlepool, Mr. Atkinson, although of opposite politics, was most
+anxious to welcome him to Parliament as a companion Dissenter. After
+diligent inquiries for Mr. Furness, I was by mistake pointed out to him.
+I suddenly found both my hands clasped and warmly shaken by the mistaken
+M.P. "Delighted to meet you, Mr. Furness! Allow me to congratulate you.
+We are both Dissenters, you know,&mdash;what a pity we are on different sides
+of the House!"</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img202.jpg" width="300" height="243" alt="MR. FARMER ATKINSON." title="MR. FARMER ATKINSON." />
+<span class="caption">MR. FARMER ATKINSON.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Yes," I replied, "a thousand pities,&mdash;you see, you are inside and I am
+outside.</p>
+
+<p>My introduction to Mr. Christopher Furness a day or two afterwards was
+in a way similar, but rather more embarrassing.</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps there are not two men with surnames so similar and yet so
+different in every other way than that great man of business, Sir
+Christopher Furness, and myself. He has an eye for business, but not one
+for his surname&mdash;I have an "I" in my name, and two for art only. When
+Mr. Furness was first returned to Parliament, plain Mr., neither a
+knight nor a millionaire, <i>then</i> he asked to see me alone in one of the
+Lobbies of the House of Commons. He held a note in his hand, <i>strangely</i>
+and nervously,&mdash;so I knew at once it was not a bank-note.</p>
+
+<p>"I&mdash;ah&mdash;am very sorry,&mdash;you are a stranger to me, I&mdash;a&mdash;stranger to the
+House. This note from a stranger was handed <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span> to me by a strange
+official. I read it before I noticed the mistake. It is addressed to
+you."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, that is of no consequence, I assure you," I said.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, but it is&mdash;it must be of consequence. It is&mdash;of&mdash;such a private
+nature, and so brief. I feel extremely awkward in having to acknowledge
+I read it,&mdash;a pure accident, I assure you!"</p>
+
+<p>He handed me the note and was running away, when I called him back. It
+read:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p style="font-size: 90%; text-align: center; ">"Meet me under the clock at 8.</p>
+
+<p style="font-variant: small-caps; font-size: 90%; text-align: center; margin-left: 5em; ">"Lucy."</p>
+
+<p>"I must introduce you to Lucy."</p>
+
+<p>"No, no! not for worlds,"</p>
+
+<p>But I did. Here he is.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 120px; margin-right: 15em; ">
+<img src="images/img203.jpg" width="120" height="159" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>There were more "scenes" in Parliament in the few sessions that I have
+selected to write about in this volume than there were in the rest of
+the last century put together. This was largely due to the climax of
+Irish affairs in the House. For effect in debate the English and Scotch
+Members,&mdash;not to speak of the Welsh Representatives,&mdash;are failures
+compared with those Members from across the water. No matter how hard
+the phlegmatic Englishman, the querulous Scotchman, or the whinings of
+those from gallant little Wales may try for effect, they have to give
+way to the Irish in the art of making a scene in the House.
+Occasionally, as when Dr. Kenealy shook some pepper over the House, and
+in the case of Mr. Plimsoll&mdash;or some other honourable gentleman&mdash;who
+went so far as to hang his umbrella on the Mace, an English Member
+causes a sensation which might almost excite a pang of envy in the
+breast of Dr. Tanner or Mr. Healy. No Englishman, however, has exceeded
+Mr. Bradlaugh in the persistent quality of sensationalism in Parliament,
+which now is sadly in want of another political phenomenon to enliven
+its proceedings.</p>
+
+<p>One of the best studies in those days of good subjects for the
+Parliamentary caricaturist was the figure of that "squat and <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span> leering Quilp," Joseph Gillis
+Biggar, Member for County Cavan. Mr. Lucy (Toby, M.P.), who acted as
+Biggar's Boswell, records the interesting fact that when Mr. Biggar rose
+for the first time in the House (1874) to put a supplementary question
+to a Minister, Mr. Disraeli, startled by the apparition, turned to Lord
+Barrington as if he had seen seated in the Irish quarter an
+ourang-outang or some other strange creature,&mdash;"What's that?"</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img204.jpg" width="400" height="454" alt="JOSEPH GILLIS BIGGAR." title="JOSEPH GILLIS BIGGAR." />
+<span class="caption">JOSEPH GILLIS BIGGAR.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>From that moment Mr. Biggar was a continual source of amusement&mdash;and
+"copy." I venture to say that Toby, M.P., has written a good-sized
+volume about Mr. Biggar's waistcoat alone. What he saw in the waistcoat
+to chronicle I confess I have failed to see. "A fearsome garment," Mr.
+Lucy called it, "which, at a distance, might be taken for sealskin, but
+was understood to be of native manufacture."</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Biggar&mdash;waistcoat and all&mdash;was certainly seen and heard to advantage
+"at a distance." He was no doubt useful to his Party, acting, as I
+believe he did, as a kind of good-natured nurse to them, looking after
+their comfort and seeing they kept in bounds.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Biggar was always repulsive in both appearance and manner. His
+unfortunate deformity, his gargoyle-like face, his long, bony hands,
+large feet, the black tail coat and baggy black trousers, the grin and
+the grating voice, and the fact that pork was his study before
+Parliament, made Joseph Gillis Biggar's appearance as ugly as his name.
+His chief claim to a niche in Parliamentary history is the fact that he
+originated Obstruction, and showed the manner in which it should be
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span> applied by making a speech occupying four hours of valuable
+time. He also showed the length to which gross impertinence can be
+carried to bring the House into contempt. He "spied" His Royal Highness,
+our present King, one day in the gallery, and by the law of Parliament a
+Member by suddenly observing that he "spies" a stranger may have the
+House cleared of all but its Members, including Royalty&mdash;worse than that
+he on one occasion alluded to Mr. Gladstone as "a vain old gentleman."</p>
+
+<p>The nearest approach I ever had to enter into practical politics was a
+request I received in March, 1892, to become the successor of Lord (then
+Sir Charles) Russell, as chairman of a local Radical association. In
+reply I confessed my political creed, and I see no reason to alter it.</p>
+
+<h3>MY POLITICAL CONFESSION.</h3>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p><span style="font-size: 150%; ">"I</span> have just received your flattering communication asking me to
+become the chairman of No. 2 Ward of the East Marylebone Liberal and
+Radical Association. It is the first time my name has ever been associated
+with Party politics, and I am puzzled to know myself whether I am a
+Radical, a Tory, a Liberal, or a Liberal Unionist!</p>
+
+<p><span style="font-size: 150%; ">"I</span> read the <i>Times</i> every morning, and the <i>Star</i> and the <i>Pall Mall
+Gazette</i> every evening. I read the sporting papers for their politics, and
+the political papers for their literary and artistic notes.</p>
+
+<p><span style="font-size: 150%; ">"I</span> work sixteen hours a day myself, and would agree to any law prohibiting
+others in my profession from working more than three hours.</p>
+
+<p><span style="font-size: 150%; ">"I</span> am strongly opposed to Home Rule, as the disappearance of the Irish
+Members (who are invaluable to me in my profession) from St. Stephen's
+would be a serious loss to me.</p>
+
+<p><span style="font-size: 150%; ">"I</span> agree to paying Members of Parliament, but would propose that they
+should be fined for non-attendance, and for the privilege of speaking too
+long, too often, or not often enough. These fines, in the majority of cases,
+would come to three times the amount of the Member's income.</p>
+
+<p><span style="font-size: 150%; ">"I</span> am not in favour of capital punishment, and would do away with all
+judges and trials by jury, leaving the Press to fight out the criminal cases
+between themselves.</p>
+
+<p><span style="font-size: 150%; ">"I</span> believe in free education, free libraries, and a free breakfast table,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span>
+and would propose that free book-stalls and free restaurants should be
+compulsory on all railways.</p>
+
+<p><span style="font-size: 150%; ">"I</span> am strongly opposed to vivisection, and hold that the life of a rabbit
+is quite as valuable as that of a professor. At the same time I would not
+countenance any law making it a punishable offence to boil a lobster alive.</p>
+
+<p><span style="font-size: 150%; ">"I</span> am a believer in hypnotism, thought-reading, and theosophy (I have
+been a bit of an amateur conjurer myself).</p>
+
+<p><span style="font-size: 150%; ">"R</span>ight of public meeting? Certainly. This should be a free country&mdash;everyone
+do as he likes. Football in Hyde Park, and fairs in Trafalgar
+Square. Equal freedom for all processions&mdash;if Booth can stop the traffic,
+why not Sanger's menagerie?</p>
+
+<p><span style="font-size: 150%; ">"A</span>s to local option, by all means let all public-houses be closed. (I never
+enter one.) And all clubs, too, so long as my own are not interfered with.</p>
+
+<p><span style="font-size: 150%; ">"I</span> am not at present a member of any political club, but if you wish
+me to become one I will put up at the Reform, either as a fervent
+Gladstonian or a red-hot Unionist; I don't mind which, as neither have
+the slightest chance of getting in now.</p>
+
+<p><span style="font-size: 150%; ">"I</span>f, after considering these qualifications, you are of opinion that I
+would be the right man in the right place, I shall be most happy and
+willing to become your chairman.&mdash;Yours, etc."</p>
+</div>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img206.jpg" width="250" height="332" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>regret to have to confess that I once posed as a political prophet. I
+was encouraged to prophesy the fact that six months before the election
+of July, 1892, when Mr. Gladstone was confident of "sweeping the
+country" and coming back with a majority of 170 or so, when both sides
+predicted a decisive result, and political prophets were cocksure of
+large figures, I luckily happened to be more successful in my
+vaticinations than they, giving the Gladstonians a majority of something
+between forty and forty-five. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span> The actual majority turned out,
+six months afterwards, to be forty-two. This encouraged me to write the
+following letter to the <i>Times</i>, and it appeared July 19th:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p style="text-align: center; ">"<i>A Parliamentary Prophecy.</i></p>
+
+<p>"<span class="smcap">Sir</span>,&mdash;I am surprised that no Parliamentary chronicler has written to
+the papers to thank the electors of the United Kingdom for the happy
+result of the General Election. The jaded journalist is the only person
+to whom the result is pleasing, as he will have no lack of material for
+descriptive matter in the coming Parliament.</p>
+
+<p>"The Gladstonians are not pleased, because they have barely got a
+working majority. The Conservatives are not pleased, because they have
+not got one at all. The Liberal Unionists are not pleased, because they
+go with the Conservatives. The Irish Nationalists are chagrined, because
+of the success of five Unionists in Ireland. The Parnellites feel
+mischievous but unhappy. The Labour representatives mischievous and
+happy&mdash;they are the heroes of the hour&mdash;and, although the members of the
+Labour Party have hitherto been nonentities in the House, they will
+probably be 'named' several times in the future. But Parliament is a
+refrigerator for red-hot rhetoric, and such Members will, in time, find
+respectability and aspirants,<a href="#Footnote_2" name="FnAnchor_2"><sup>[2]</sup></a> and grow dull.</p>
+
+<p>"A harassed leader, an ambitious Opposition, the balance of power
+resting in the hands of the Irish, divided amongst themselves, a new and
+probably noisy party, boredom increased, faddism intensified&mdash;such are
+the ingredients of the new House; and with little spice thrown in in the
+shape of a revived morality scandal, the new Parliament promises to be a
+hotch-potch of surprises. I myself take no side in politics, and am glad
+to say that I have numerous friends in all parties. Perhaps it was in
+consequence of this that I heard all sides of opinion, thereby enabling
+me six months ago to weigh all my information correctly and predict the
+result of the General Election&mdash;a Gladstonian majority of between forty
+and forty-five votes&mdash;and to this opinion I have firmly adhered in spite
+of the fluctuating prospects before the fight. Even on Wednesday, the
+6th inst., when the returns pouring in seemed to point to a Government
+majority, I stuck to my prophecy.</p>
+
+<p>"I am now receiving from my friends (more especially from my Liberal
+friends) congratulations upon my perspicacity, and, although I am no
+Schnadhorst, I must now regard myself in the light of a Parliamentary
+prophet. Having in that capacity chanted my incantations and calculated
+the number of square feet of Irish linen in one of Mr. Gladstone's
+collars to be in inverse ratio to the dimensions of his Mid-Lothian
+majority, and having by abstruse computations discovered the hitherto
+unknown quantity of Sir William Harcourt's chins, I can safely predict
+that there will be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span> another General Election within the space
+of thirteen months, and that the result of the same will be the return
+of the Unionists with a majority of fifteen.</p>
+</div>
+
+<p style="font-size: 80%; margin-left: 6em; "><a href="#FnAnchor_2" name="Footnote_2">[2]</a> See page 212.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px; ">
+<img src="images/img208.jpg" width="500" height="634" alt="THE HOUSE OF COMMONS FROM TOBY'S PRIVATE BOX." title="THE HOUSE OF COMMONS FROM TOBY'S PRIVATE BOX." />
+<span class="caption">THE HOUSE OF COMMONS FROM TOBY'S PRIVATE BOX.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+
+<p style="text-align: right; margin-right: 8em; ">"Yours truly,</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; margin-right: 2em; font-variant: small-caps; ">"Harry Furniss.</p>
+
+<p>"Garrick Club, London, July 19."</p></div>
+
+<p>The regret I felt was not caused by any failure of my prediction
+contained in the last paragraph in that letter, but that the
+whole of it was taken seriously. Editorial leaders appeared in
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span>
+the principal papers all over the kingdom. Letters followed,
+discussions took place, and politicians referred to it in their
+speeches. "Mr. Harry Furniss has taken the public into his
+confidence, as one who is thoroughly acquainted with Party
+politics, though he takes no personal interest in them. Men
+who can thus truthfully describe themselves are excessively rare,
+as far as we know. It is usually the person who does not understand
+politics who takes no interest in them. A man who
+understands politics, but does not concern himself to take sides,
+is in the position of the looker-on who sees most of the game,"
+was truthfully written of me <i>à propos</i> of this letter&mdash;but why
+<i>à propos</i> of this letter? Why not of my serious work instead?
+No, my "airy persiflage" was only a cloak. I was seriously
+and instantaneously accepted as a serious political prophet, and
+otherwise criticised:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p style="text-align: center; ">"<i>To the Editor of the 'Times.'</i></p>
+
+<p>"<span class="smcap">Sir</span>, In a letter signed by Mr. Harry Furniss, which appeared in the
+<i>Times</i> of the 21st inst., the writer concluded by predicting that there
+would be another general election within thirteen months, and that the
+result would be a Unionist majority of fifteen.</p>
+
+<p>"Mr. Furniss is evidently fond of odd numbers, but may I point out to
+him, and to many other political prophets who have fallen into the same
+trap, that the fulfilment of his prediction is an impossibility?</p>
+
+<p>"In a House of 670 Members, or any other even number, if divided into
+two parties, the majority (in the sense he uses the word&mdash;viz., the
+difference) must always be an even number. It is true that the division
+lists sometimes show a majority which is an odd number, but in such a
+case an odd number of Members must have been absent from the division.
+Mr. Furniss must prophesy either fourteen or sixteen.</p>
+
+<p>"The English language is so defective that the word 'majority' is used
+to mean 'the greater number,' and also 'the difference between the
+greater number and the less.' Cannot a new word be invented to replace
+'majority' in one or other of these meanings, and so avoid the use of
+the same word for two distinct ideas?</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; margin-right: 6em; ">"Your obedient servant,</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; margin-right: 2em; ">"<span class="smcap">George R. Gallaher</span>,</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; ">"Fellow of the Institute of Bankers.</p>
+
+<p>"44, Fenchurch Street, London, E.C."</p>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>I suppose F.I.B. stands for "Fellow of the Institute of Bankers."
+Anyway, before I had time to reply to the courteous captious critic the
+<i>Times</i> published the following:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p style="text-align: center; ">"<i>Political Prophecy</i>.</p>
+
+<p>"<span class="smcap">Sir</span>,&mdash;In endeavouring to correct Mr. Furniss your correspondent Mr.
+Gallaher has forgotten that, although the House of Commons consists of
+an even number of Members, one of those Members will be elected Speaker;
+and that consequently, if all the Members were on any occasion to
+attend, the majority would be an odd, and not an even number. There is
+therefore no necessity for Mr. Furniss to alter his prophecy at present.</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; margin-right: 6em; ">"Your obedient servant,</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; margin-right: 2em; ">"<span class="smcap">Fair Play</span>."</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>Other correspondents, less technical but strongly political, accused me
+of being "an inspired Conservative spy." Others that I was an oracle
+worth "rigging." And the Irish and Radical Press questioning my
+impartiality, I published this letter:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p style="text-align: center; ">"<i>To the Editor of the 'Manchester City News.'</i></p>
+
+<p>"<span class="smcap">Sir</span>,&mdash;My attention has been called to a paragraph in your issue of July
+23rd, stating that I am a Conservative, an assertion which has highly
+amused those who know me well, for I am one of the strongest of Radicals
+in some things and the hottest of Tories in others. I earnestly advocate
+the claims of the working man, and sometimes I feel myself a Whig of the
+old school. Whether I am a Tory, a Liberal or a Radical, troubles me
+very little, but as you seem to take a kind interest in my political
+opinions I should have preferred you to have styled me an Independent,
+which I understand means nothing.</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; margin-right: 2em; ">"<span class="smcap">Harry Furniss</span>.</p>
+
+<p>"Garrick Club, London."</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>But neither "Independent" nor humorous would the partisan Press allow me
+to be. Certainly I was applauded by some for having held steadfastly to
+my prophecy, despite temptations which would have made Cassandra
+succumb. I was flattered by being held up as an exception among the
+prophets. From Mr. Gladstone to Mr. T. P. O'Connor politicians had
+prophesied and were hopelessly wide of the mark. Mr. Chamberlain,
+speaking at Birmingham that week, said, "The gravity of the weighty man
+of the House of Commons, gentlemen, is a thing to which there is no
+parallel in the world," and oh! so serious!</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 720px; ">
+<img src="images/img211.jpg" width="720" height="496" alt="THE GOVERNMENT&mdash;BENCH BEFORE HOME RULE" title="THE GOVERNMENT&mdash;BENCH BEFORE HOME RULE" />
+<span class="caption">THE GOVERNMENT&mdash;BENCH BEFORE HOME RULE<br />
+A rough Sketch made in the House.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class="blockquot2">
+<table border="0" cellpadding="2" width="85%" cellspacing="0">
+<tr><td align='left'>Mr. W. E. Foster.</td><td>Mr. Gladstone.</td><td>Mr. John Bright.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='right'>Lord E. Fitzmaurice.</td><td align='right'>Lord Hartington.</td><td>&nbsp;</td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+<p>"Prophets&mdash;at any rate political prophets&mdash;are chiefly distinguished
+from other people by being always dull and nearly always
+wrong. To-day, however, appears a brilliant exception to the
+almost universal rule," wrote one paper, and yet continued,
+"Mr. Furniss is simply within his own ground as one of the
+shrewdest and best trained of living observers, when he describes
+the newly-elected House of Commons as thoroughly discontented
+with itself. But we wish that Mr. Furniss had carried his prediction into the
+regions of counsel, and had been able to read in 'Mr. Gladstone's
+collars,' or in the 'unknown quantity of Sir William Harcourt's chins,'
+and whatever else serves him for his Stars, what is to be the outcome of
+a situation in which no party is able to obtain a working majority. If
+Mr. Furniss is right, the question of 'how is the Queen's Government to
+be carried on?' will assume a practical importance which it never had
+before; and unless he himself, as a thoroughly non-party man, can be
+induced to undertake the formation of an administration of similarly
+fortunate persons, one does not see what is <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span> to be done. Party
+government is based upon big majorities&mdash;it is within measurable
+distance of breaking down altogether unless the country will make up its
+mind to stand no more nonsense, and to prefer what is really a party to
+a conglomerate of fads and factions."</p>
+
+<p>I was beginning to feel like a man who had started a story and forgotten
+the point of it. The only "comic relief" was the following note from the
+Editor of <i>Punch</i>:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p style="text-align: right; margin-right: 1em; ">21st July, 1892.</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: center; "><i>Vates et Vox Stellarum.</i></p>
+
+<p>"<span class="smcap">Dear</span> H. F.,&mdash;'Respectability and aspirants.' Didn't you squirm at the
+misprint? Is that setter-up-of-type still alive? Je m'en doute. The
+reference to Harcourt's <i>chins</i> will <i>get you liked</i> very much. You
+dated it from the Garrick, but you didn't put the time of night when you
+wrote it. 'P.S.'&mdash;<i>Post Supperal</i>, eh?</p>
+
+<p>"Farewell, O Prophet!&mdash;but 'why <i>didn't you say so before</i>?'</p>
+
+<p>"Allah il Allah Ari Furniss is His Prophet!</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; margin-right: 3em; ">"Yours ever,</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; margin-right: 1em; ">"F. C. B.</p><br />
+
+<p>"<i>Advt</i>.&mdash;'LIKA JOKO'! Parliamentary Prophet!! Prophecies sent out
+on shortest notice. Terms, &mdash;&mdash;. Reduction on taking a quantity."</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>Yes! I did squirm at the misprint, which, however, was
+rectified in the next issue:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"<i>A Parliamentary Prophecy</i>.&mdash;In Mr. Harry Furniss's letter under this
+title in the <i>Times</i> of yesterday the word 'aspirates' should be read
+instead of 'aspirants' in the following passage: 'The Labour
+representatives feel mischievous and happy&mdash;they are the heroes of the
+hour&mdash;and, although the members of the Labour Party have hitherto been
+nonentities in the House, they will probably be 'named' several times in
+the future. But Parliament is a refrigerator for red-hot rhetoric, and
+such members will, in time, find respectability and aspirants, and grow
+dull."</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>I wish I had followed the example of Mr. John Morley, who announced a
+couple of months before the election that he had written down his
+General Election tip and placed it in a sealed envelope; but so far as I
+have heard, he never risked his reputation for prophecy&mdash;he refrained
+from publishing the secret. That grave and weighty right hon. gentleman
+scored as the humorist, and I failed as a prophet in my second attempt.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 570px; ">
+<img src="images/img214.jpg" width="570" height="728" alt="REDUCTION OF ONE OF MY PARLIAMENTARY PAGES." title="REDUCTION OF ONE OF MY PARLIAMENTARY PAGES." />
+<span class="caption">REDUCTION OF ONE OF MY PARLIAMENTARY PAGES IN <i>PUNCH</i>.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span></p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2>
+
+<h3>"PUNCH."</h3>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in">Two <i>Punch</i> Editors&mdash;<i>Punch's</i> Hump&mdash;My First <i>Punch</i> Dinner&mdash;Charles
+Keene&mdash;"Robert"&mdash;W. H. Bradbury&mdash;du Maurier&mdash;"Kiki"&mdash;A Trip to the Place
+of his Birth&mdash;He Hates Me&mdash;A Practical Joke&mdash;du Maurier's Strange
+Model&mdash;No Sportsman&mdash;Tea&mdash;Appollinaris&mdash;My First Contribution&mdash;My
+Record&mdash;Parliament&mdash;Press Gallery Official&mdash;I Feel Small&mdash;The "Black
+Beetle"&mdash;Professor Rogers&mdash;Sergeant-at-Arms' Room&mdash;Styles of
+Work&mdash;Privileges&mdash;Dr. Percy&mdash;I Sit in the Table&mdash;The Villain of Art&mdash;The
+New Cabinet&mdash;Criticism&mdash;<i>Punch's</i> Historical Cartoons&mdash;Darwen
+MacNeill&mdash;Scenes in the Lobby&mdash;A Technical Assault&mdash;John Burns's
+"Invention"&mdash;John Burns's Promise&mdash;John Burns's Insult&mdash;The Lay of Swift
+MacNeill&mdash;The Truth&mdash;Sir Frank Lockwood&mdash;"Grand Cross"&mdash;Lockwood's
+Little Sketch&mdash;Lockwood's Little Joke in the House&mdash;Lockwood's Little
+Joke at Dinner&mdash;Lewis Carroll and <i>Punch</i>&mdash;Gladstone's Head&mdash;Sir
+William's Portrait&mdash;Ciphers&mdash;Reversion&mdash;<i>Punch</i> at Play&mdash;Three <i>Punch</i>
+Men in a Boat&mdash;Squaring up&mdash;Two Pins Club&mdash;Its One Joke&mdash;Its One
+Horse&mdash;Its Mystery&mdash;Artistic Duties&mdash;Lord Russell&mdash;Furious
+Riding&mdash;Before the Beak&mdash;Burnand and I in the Saddle&mdash;Caricaturing
+Pictures for <i>Punch</i>&mdash;Art under Glass&mdash;Arthur Cecil&mdash;My Other Eye&mdash;The
+Ridicule that Kills&mdash;Red Tape&mdash;<i>Punch</i> in Prison&mdash;I make a Mess of
+it&mdash;Waterproof&mdash;"I used your Soap two years ago"&mdash;Charles Keene&mdash;Charles
+Barber&mdash;<i>Punch's</i> Advice&mdash;<i>Punch's</i> Wives.<br /><br /></p></div>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 220px; ">
+<img src="images/img215.jpg" width="220" height="221" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>he first representative of Mr. Punch with whom I came into contact was
+the late Tom Taylor, at that period the tenant of the editorial chair.
+To this meeting I have referred on a previous page, when I mentioned
+that Mr. Taylor had just returned from the wilds of Connemara and
+strongly advised me to make some explorations in that little-known
+district for the purpose of making sketches of the "genus <i>homo</i>
+indigenous to the soil," <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span> which I did a week or so prior to my
+setting foot in the busy haunt of men on murky Thames.</p>
+
+<p>Tom Taylor was, I believe, one of the best of men, and the possessor of
+one of the kindest hearts; but although he certainly professed to take
+an interest in me (probably owing to the fact that it was to a relative
+of mine that he was indebted for his first introduction to literature),
+the fact remains that whenever I sent him a sketch I used to receive one
+of his extraordinary hieroglyphical missives supposed to be a note
+courteously declining my efforts, notwithstanding that I was often
+flattered although not enriched by subsequently seeing the subjects of
+them appear redrawn under another name in the pages of <i>Punch</i>.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img216.jpg" width="350" height="433" alt="Age 26, WHEN I FIRST WORKED FOR PUNCH." title="Age 26, WHEN I FIRST WORKED FOR PUNCH." />
+<span class="caption">Age 26, WHEN I FIRST WORKED FOR PUNCH.<br />
+[<i>From a Photo by C. Watkins.</i>]</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>It was not until Tom Taylor had passed away that Mr. Punch would deign
+to give me a chance. I had then been seven years in London hard at work
+for the leading magazines and illustrated papers, and I may truly say
+that my work was the only introduction I ever had to Mr. Burnand.</p>
+
+<p>When I first entered the goal of my boyish ambition&mdash;that is to say, the
+editorial sanctum of Mr. Punch&mdash;I had never met the gentleman who for a
+number of years afterwards was destined to be my chief, and I fully
+expected to see the editor turn round and receive me with that look of
+irrepressible humour and in that habitually jocose style which I had so
+often heard described. I looked in vain for the geniality in the
+editor's glance, and there was a remarkably complete absence of the
+jocose in the sharp, irritable words which he addressed to me.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Really," said he, "this is too bad! I wrote to you to meet me at the
+Surrey Theatre last night, and you never turned up. We go to press
+to-day, and the sketches are not even made."</p>
+
+<p>"I don't quite understand you," I replied, "for I never heard from you
+in my life, and I don't think that you ever saw me before."</p>
+
+<p>"But surely you are Mr. &mdash;&mdash;?" (a contributor who had been drawing for
+<i>Punch</i> for some weeks). "Are you not?"</p>
+
+<p>"No," I said. "My name is Furniss, and I understood that you wanted to
+see me."</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img217.jpg" width="350" height="310" alt="MY FIRST MEETING WITH THE EDITOR." title="MY FIRST MEETING WITH THE EDITOR." />
+<span class="caption">MY FIRST MEETING WITH THE EDITOR OF <i>PUNCH</i>.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>This was in 1880, and from that period up to the time of my resignation
+from the staff of <i>Punch</i> I certainly do not think that I have ever seen
+Burnand's face assume such a threatening and offended expression as it
+wore that day.</p>
+
+<p>I was then twenty-six. Strange to say, Charles Keene and George du
+Maurier were exactly the same age when they first made their <i>début</i> in
+<i>Punch</i>, but not yet invited to "join the table."</p>
+
+<p>As I was leaving my house one summer evening a few years afterwards, the
+youngest member of my family, who was being personally conducted up to
+bed by his nurse, enquired where I was going.</p>
+
+<p>"To dine with Mr. Punch," I replied.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, haven't you eaten all his hump <i>yet</i>, papa? It <i>does</i> last a long
+time!" And the little chap continued his journey to the arms of
+Morpheus, evidently quite concerned about his father's long-drawn-out
+act of cannibalism.</p>
+
+<p>The first feast to which I was bidden was not one of the ordinary or
+office description, but a banquet given at the "Albion" Tavern, in the
+City, on the 3rd of January, 1881, to celebrate the installation of Mr.
+Burnand as the occupant of the editorial chair. And on my invitation
+card I first sketched my new <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span> friends, the <i>Punch</i> staff, and a
+few of the outside contributors who were present, conspicuous among whom
+was George Augustus Sala, the honoured stranger of the evening. That he
+should be so struck me as peculiar, for it was an open secret that Sala
+wrote and illustrated that famous attack (nominally by Alfred Bunn), "A
+Word with <i>Punch</i>," a most vulgar, vicious, and personal insult which
+had given much offence years before; a clear proof of Mr. Punch's
+forgiving nature.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 650px; ">
+<img src="images/img218.jpg" width="650" height="477" alt="MY FIRST INVITATION FROM PUNCH." title="MY FIRST INVITATION FROM PUNCH." />
+<span class="caption">MY FIRST INVITATION FROM <i>PUNCH</i>.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>That grand old man of <i>Punch</i>, Tenniel, I made an attempt to sketch as
+he was "saying a few words," but on this particular occasion it was my
+<i>vis-à-vis</i> Charles Keene who interested me more than any other person
+present. He wore black kid gloves and never removed them all during
+dinner&mdash;that puzzled me. Why he wore them I cannot say. I never saw him
+wearing gloves at table again, or even out of doors. Then he was in
+trouble with his cigar, and finally I noticed that he threw it under the
+table and stamped upon it, and produced his favourite dirty Charles the
+First pipe, the diminutive bowl of which he filled continually with what
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span> smokers call "dottles." He was then apparently perfectly
+happy, as indeed he always looked when puffing away at his antique clay.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img219.jpg" width="400" height="644" alt="A LETTER FROM CHARLES KEENE." title="A LETTER FROM CHARLES KEENE." />
+<span class="caption">A LETTER FROM CHARLES KEENE, OBJECTING TO AN EDITOR INTERVIEWING HIM.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Years afterwards, when sketching a background for a <i>Punch</i> drawing in
+the East End, I noticed some labourers <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span> returning from working
+at excavations, laughing over something they had found in the ground; it
+was a splendid specimen of the Charles clay pipe, longer than any I have
+seen. I bought it from them to present to Keene, but he was ill then,
+and soon after the greatest master of black and white England ever
+produced had passed away.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img220.jpg" width="350" height="356" alt="Robert." title="Robert." />
+<span class="caption">"Robert."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>After Keene the strangest character present was Mr. Deputy
+Bedford&mdash;"Robert" in the pages of <i>Punch</i>&mdash;an undertaker in the City,
+and one of the most humorous men within its boundary. I recollect
+introducing my wife to him at some function at the Mansion House&mdash;not as
+Robert, but as Mr. Deputy Bedford. She expressed her pleasure at meeting
+one of the City dignitaries, and he offered to show her over the
+treasures in the Mansion House. "There's a fine statue for you! Don't
+know who did it, but we paid a thousand pounds for it. And that one over
+there, which weighs half a ton less, cost twice as much. Oh! the
+pictures are worth something, too. That portrait cost £800; I don't know
+what that one cost, but the frame is cheap at £20. Yes, fine gold plate,
+isn't it? Old designs? Yes, but old or new, boiled down, I should think
+£80,000 wouldn't be taken for the pile!" And so on, and so on, with a
+merry twinkle in his eye and an excellent imitation of what outsiders
+consider City men to be.</p>
+
+<p>My caricature of the genial E. L. S. (Sambourne) is not good, but quite
+as kind as Sala's remarks were on that occasion in chaffing Sambourne
+for turning up in morning costume. In the bottom right-hand corner of
+the card is a note of the late Mr. W. H. Bradbury, one of the
+proprietors of <i>Punch</i>, the kindest <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span> and the best host, the
+biggest-hearted and most genial friend, I ever worked for. He has his
+eye, I notice, on a gentleman making an impromptu speech&mdash;the
+sensation of the evening&mdash;referred to by Mr. M. H. Spielmann in
+"The History of <i>Punch</i>." Next to that irrepressible orator is Mr. Lucy,
+"Toby, <span class="correction" title="added missing double quotes">M.P.,"</span> as I saw him first.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img221.jpg" width="400" height="511" alt="GEORGE DU MAURIER." title="GEORGE DU MAURIER." />
+<span class="caption">GEORGE DU MAURIER.<br />
+<i>From a pen and ink drawing by himself, the property of the Author</i>.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>I note on this card an attempt to sketch du Maurier, the "Thackeray of
+the pencil." By the way, I was certainly the first to apply that term to
+him&mdash;in my first lecture, "Art and Artists." He was some distance from
+me at the banquet when I made these notes.</p>
+
+<p>It is a curious fact that I really never had a seat allotted to me at
+the <i>Punch</i> table. I always sat in du Maurier's, except on the rare
+occasions when he came to the dinner, when I moved up one. It was always
+a treat to have du Maurier at "the table." He was by far and away the
+cleverest conversationalist of his time I ever met,&mdash;his delightful
+repartees were so neat and effective, and his daring chaff and his
+criticisms so bright and refreshing.</p>
+
+<p>For some extraordinary reason du Maurier was known to the <i>Punch</i> men as
+"Kiki," a friendly sobriquet which greeted him when he first joined, and
+refers to his nationality. In the same way as an English schoolboy calls
+out "Froggy" to a Frenchman, his friends on the <i>Punch</i> staff called him
+Kiki, suggested by the Frenchman's peculiar and un-English art of
+self-defence.</p>
+
+<p>Du Maurier took very little interest in the discussions at the table; in
+fact, he resented informal debate on the subject of the cartoon as an
+interruption to his conversation, although he once suggested a cartoon
+which will always rank as one of the most historical hits of Mr.
+Punch&mdash;a cartoon of the First Napoleon warning Napoleon the Third as he
+marches out to meet the Germans in the War of 1870.</p>
+
+<p>At times he might enter into the artistic treatment of the cartoon; and
+I reproduce a sketch he did on the back of a <i>menu</i> to explain some idea
+in connection with the cartoon which appeared the following week in
+<i>Punch</i>.</p>
+
+<p>Du Maurier's extremely clever conversation struck me the <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span> moment I joined the staff of
+<i>Punch</i>. As I went part of his way to Hampstead, we sometimes shared a
+cab, and in one of these journeys I mentioned my conviction that he, in
+my mind, was a great deal more than a humorous artist, and if he would
+only take up the pen seriously the world would be all the more indebted
+to him. He told me that Mr. James had for some time said nice things of
+a similar character.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img224.jpg" width="350" height="215" alt="SUGGESTION BY DU MAURIER FOR PUNCH CARTOON." title="SUGGESTION BY DU MAURIER FOR PUNCH CARTOON." />
+<span class="caption">SUGGESTION BY DU MAURIER FOR <i>PUNCH</i> CARTOON.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>About ten days afterwards I received a letter saying that my
+conversation had had an effect upon him, and that he was starting his
+first novel. So perhaps the world is really indebted to me, indirectly,
+for the pleasure of reading "Peter Ibbetson" and "Trilby;" the fact
+being that he had, with Burnand and myself, just visited Paris&mdash;the
+first time he had set foot in the gay city since his youth. Many things
+he saw had impressed him, and "Peter Ibbetson" was the result. How
+interesting it was to watch him in Paris, the place of his birth,
+standing, the ideal type of a Frenchman himself, smiling and as amused
+as a boy at his own countrymen and women. "So very un-English, you
+know!" Then, as we drove about Paris, he stood up in the carriage,
+excitedly showing us places familiar to him in his young days, and
+greatly amused us by pointing out no fewer than three different houses
+in which he was born! We three were the guests of Mr. Staat Forbes at
+Fontainebleau during the same trip, and du Maurier's sketches of our
+pleasant experiences on that occasion appear in <i>Punch</i>, under the
+heading "Souvenir de Fontainebleau," in three numbers in October, 1886.
+In the drawing of our <i>al fresco</i> dinner, "Smith" is our host, I am
+"Brown," du Maurier "Jones," and Mr. Burnand "Robinson."</p>
+
+<p>Three years afterwards du Maurier re-visited Paris with most <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span> of the staff to see the Paris
+Exhibition, 1889. In my sketch "En Route&mdash;Mr. Punch at Lunch," du
+Maurier is speaking to Mr. Anstey Guthrie, who, "for this occasion
+only," called du Maurier the Marquis d'Ampstead.</p>
+
+<p>Du Maurier had a little of the green-eyed monster in his bosom, although
+he lived to laugh at all when he himself became the greatest success of
+any man in his sphere.</p>
+
+<p>When I made my hit with my Exhibition of the "Artistic Joke," du
+Maurier, to my surprise, turned sharply round to me one night in the cab
+and said, "My dear Furniss, I must be honest with you&mdash;I hate you, I
+loathe you, I detest you!"</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 450px; ">
+<img src="images/img225.jpg" width="450" height="290" alt="DU MAURIER'S SOUVENIR DE FONTAINEBLEAU." title="DU MAURIER'S SOUVENIR DE FONTAINEBLEAU." />
+<span class="caption">DU MAURIER'S SOUVENIR DE FONTAINEBLEAU.<br />
+<i>From "Punch."</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Thanks, awfully, my dear fellow! But why?"</p>
+
+<p>"Ah!" he said, "your success is too great. When I get the return you
+send me in the morning, showing me the number of people that have been
+to your Exhibition, the tremendous takings at the turnstiles, the number
+of albums subscribed for, the number of pictures you have sold, I cannot
+work. I go on to Hampstead Heath to walk off my jealousy; when I come in
+to lunch I find your first telegram, telling me you have made £80 that
+morning. I walk out again, and looking down upon London, although I
+shake my fist at the whole place, my wrath is for you alone. I come in
+to tea to find another telegram&mdash;you have made £100! How can I sit down
+and scratch away on a piece of paper when you are making a fortune in a
+week?"</p>
+
+<p>This nearly took my breath away.</p>
+
+<p>"My dear du Maurier," I replied, "I feel hurt&mdash;seriously, <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span> irrevocably. I shall always feel
+degraded in your eyes. Of course you are the victim of a practical
+joke."</p>
+
+<p>Du Maurier pulled from his pocket one of my supposed returns. It was an
+imitation of printing, with the amounts filled in. "This is the kind of
+thing I get every morning."</p>
+
+<p>"Why, of course, it is written, not printed. That is the work of the
+irrepressible practical joker. But it makes no difference, du Maurier;
+if you thought that I would be such a cad as to send you these returns,
+I cannot see how we can ever be great friends."</p>
+
+<p>Although as du Maurier believed for a time I had the necessary vulgarity
+of the "bloated millionaire," to use his own words, we were never much
+more than acquaintances&mdash;although very pleasant acquaintances&mdash;and I
+believe du Maurier reciprocated the kind feeling I had towards him. Du
+Maurier rarely forgave a satirical thrust at his expense. His dislike
+for Mr. Whistler on this account is well known to all the early readers
+of "Trilby," and he often related with unconcealed glee a remark he once
+made to Whistler. It appears they had not met for a long period, during
+which du Maurier with his satirical pictures on the æsthetic craze,
+published in <i>Punch</i>, and Whistler with his "symphonies" and "harmonies"
+on canvas, exhibited in the Law Courts, had both increased their
+reputation.</p>
+
+<p>"Hullo, Kiki!" cried Whistler. "I'm told that your work in <i>Punch</i> is
+the making of some men. You have actually invented Tomkins! Why, he
+never would have existed but for you! Ha! ha! how on earth did you do
+it?"</p>
+
+<p>"Look here, Jimmy, if you don't look out, by Jove, I'll invent you!"</p>
+
+<p>How Kiki&mdash;du Maurier&mdash;carried out his threat in "Trilby," and what
+resulted from it, all the world knows.</p>
+
+<p>By the way, the mention of "Trilby" reminds me of a story about Mr. du
+Maurier's own Trilby which is perhaps worth recording. Du Maurier for
+some years lived on the top of Hampstead Heath, rather inaccessible for
+models. But more than once friends asked him to take a sitting from some
+lady or another, as he, drawing fashionable ladies, was different,
+perhaps, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span> from painters using models for costumes or, as du
+Maurier would say, for the "altogether." In this way a model was
+introduced to him, and, to his surprise, she drove up to his house in a
+hansom, and he heard her asking one of the servants for change of a
+sovereign to pay the cabman. She did not sit very well, so after a short
+time Mr. du Maurier told her that he only drew from models for part of
+the day, and, rather apologetically, said he of course did not pay for
+the whole of the usual day's sitting. And she said:</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 720px; ">
+<img src="images/img227.jpg" width="720" height="523" alt="PUNCH STAFF RETURNING FROM PARIS." title="PUNCH STAFF RETURNING FROM PARIS." />
+<span class="caption"><i>PUNCH</i> STAFF RETURNING FROM PARIS.<br />
+(<i>The original hangs on the wall of Mr. Punch's dining room.</i>)</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Oh, thanks! I am only too pleased to sit for a short time. But would
+you kindly ask one of your servants to fetch me a hansom?"</p>
+
+<p>This made the artist more than ever miserable, and he said:</p>
+
+<p>"Excuse me, but perhaps you are not aware we only pay a modest amount
+for sitters; in fact, I generally pay five shillings for two
+hours&mdash;aw&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"You don't mean to say you are really going to give me five shillings?
+Oh, how kind of you! It will just pay half my cab fare home. I didn't
+know I was going to be so lucky." And she vanished, leaving the artist
+more bewildered than ever.</p>
+
+<p>Some time afterwards, in Hyde Park, he was surprised to see a carriage
+beautifully appointed pulled up to where he was standing, and a lady
+lean out and say:</p>
+
+<p>"I have never seen you before to thank you for your kindness in allowing
+me to sit for you. I was so anxious to see what a studio was like.
+Thanks, awfully; you must let me call again."</p>
+
+<p>Du Maurier had the faculty of unaffected fun, he had also a feeling for
+caricature in portraiture, but he did not care to exercise either to any
+extent in <i>Punch</i>. I recollect Sir Henry Thompson&mdash;the celebrated
+physician&mdash;showing me a copy of a book he had written, in which he
+speaks of hospital life in London. Du Maurier had studied in a London
+hospital when he first arrived in England, and he wrote to Sir Henry,
+then a stranger to him, to ask him if the wretch in his book who wheeled
+off the remains of the corpses from the dissecting-room was the same man
+he knew and loathed years ago. The sketch accompanying this query Sir
+Henry had pasted in the book in triumph. "There is the man," he said,
+"to the life!"</p>
+
+<p>At dinner du Maurier ate sparingly, drank moderately, and smoked
+cigarettes. He avoided champagne, preferring the wine of his
+country&mdash;claret; and after dinner, in place of coffee, he had a huge
+breakfast-cup of tea, and, like the soap advertisement boy, he was not
+happy till he got it.</p>
+
+<p>Mentioning an advertisement suggests that it may interest some to know
+du Maurier drew the label for a most popular mineral water. It is safe
+to predict that not one person in the tens of thousands looking at it
+yearly would connect du Maurier with it. It is that elaborate and rather
+inartistic design on Appollinaris water, for which he received fifty
+guineas from his friend&mdash;one of the proprietors. Anyone following his
+work in <i>Punch</i> must have noticed that he was a hypochondriac.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 570px; ">
+<img src="images/img229.jpg" width="570" height="746" alt="JAPANESE STYLE: A BALLET FROM PUNCH." title="JAPANESE STYLE: A BALLET FROM PUNCH." />
+<span class="caption">JAPANESE STYLE: A BALLET FROM <i>PUNCH</i>.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Hypochondriasis was a disease with him, he was always thinking of his
+health, and I fear that sudden burst of popularity following the success
+of "Trilby," in place of bracing him up, made him dwell somewhat more
+upon his state of health, and hastened the end.</p>
+
+<p>I recollect his telling me years ago he was advised to take horse
+exercise for his health's sake, so he hired a hack and started in the
+direction of Richmond Park. Arriving at the well-known windmill, and
+before descending the beautiful slopes on the other side, he took out
+his watch and, opening the case, put out his tongue to see what effect
+the ride had had on his health. The horse moved, and he found himself
+the next moment on the ground.</p>
+
+<p>He gave up horse exercise after that!</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img231.jpg" width="300" height="120" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>My first contribution to <i>Punch</i> appeared in the number dated October
+30th, 1880. "Punch," as a policeman, commanded the removal of the
+newly-erected "Griffin" in the place of Old Temple Bar: "Take away that
+Bauble!" The much-abused "Griffin" is the work (but after the design of
+Horace Jones) of an old friend of mine, the late C. B. Birch, R.A., a
+clever sculptor and a capital fellow. He sent me "his mark" of
+appreciation, but I may say he was the last man to use the instrument of
+torture suggested by his name.</p>
+
+<p>I then "did the theatres" with the editor&mdash;no mistake this time&mdash;and a
+very pleasant time it was. My first "social" drawing appeared in the
+second number in the following December, illustrating Scotch "wut"
+manufactured in London.</p>
+
+<p>Two Scotch rustics outside an eating-house. One points to a card in the
+window on which is "Welsh Rabbit, 6d."</p>
+
+<p>Hungry visitor (ignorant of the nature of this particular delicacy):
+"Ah, Donal, mon, we ken weel hev the Rawbit fur saxpence. We ken get twa
+Bawbees fur the Skeen when we get bock to Glasgow!"</p>
+
+<p>The Scotch is certainly new, if the joke is not.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px; ">
+<img src="images/img232.jpg" width="550" height="535" alt="CHINESE STYLE." title="CHINESE STYLE." />
+<span class="caption">CHINESE STYLE. FROM A DRAWING ON WOOD. <i>PUNCH.</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>An Irish joke followed, and then in the Almanack I illustrated a hit at
+the style of ladies' dress of the period; in fact, at that time I drew
+for <i>Punch</i> quite a number of social subjects dealing with the æsthetic
+craze. Besides illustrating various social subjects and caricaturing the
+Academy and the new plays, I was illustrating the "Essence of
+Parliament." As Mr. M. H. Spielmann in "The History of <i>Punch</i>" says
+truly, "I romped through <i>Punch's</i> pages." I open a number of <i>Punch</i>
+published only eighteen months after my first contribution appeared, and
+two years previous to my joining the staff, and find no fewer than
+eleven separate subjects from my pencil; and I may say that up to the
+last I probably contributed more work to <i>Punch</i> <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span> than any
+other artist ever contributed in the same number of years, Leech not
+excepted. I do not claim that this was wholly due to artistic merit, but
+to a business one. I never refused to draw a subject I was asked to do,
+I never was at a loss for a subject, and I was never late. It was to
+this facility I owe the good terms on which the editor and I worked so
+pleasantly and for so long. Being accustomed to work at high pressure
+for the illustrated papers and magazines since boyhood, I confess that
+<i>Punch</i> work to me was my playtime.</p>
+
+<p>I contributed over two thousand six hundred designs, from the smallest
+to the largest that ever appeared in its pages (the latter were
+published in the Christmas Numbers, 1890 and 1891), and I was not in
+receipt of a salary, but was paid for each drawing at my full rate. I
+have reason to think I drew in the time more money from <i>Punch</i>,
+proportionately, than any other contributor in its history in a like
+period. I read from time to time accounts of the remuneration men like
+myself receive. Of course these statements are invariably fiction, as in
+fact is nearly everything I have read outside Mr. Spielmann's careful
+analysis of <i>Punch</i> concerning myself and my friends.</p>
+
+<p>I deal with my Parliamentary confessions, personal and artistic, in
+other chapters; I shall in this merely touch upon a few points in
+connection with <i>Punch</i>. The greater portion of my Parliamentary work,
+however, appeared in other periodicals, but it is probably by <i>Punch</i>
+work in this direction most of my readers identify me. I was fortunate,
+in the twelve years I represented <i>Punch</i> in Parliament with the pencil,
+in having the exceptional material for work upon Mr. Gladstone at his
+most interesting period, Parnell's rise and fall, Churchill's rise and
+fall, Bradlaugh's rise and fall, and a host of others strutting their
+brief hour on the political stage. Where are they now? Mr. Chamberlain
+alone interests the caricaturist. Parliament itself is dull, the public
+is apathetic, and everything appertaining to politics is flat and
+unprofitable. Yet as far back as 1885, in the figure "Punch," I asked
+for some new character, the familiar faces were getting worked out!</p>
+
+<p>I had attended some sessions of Parliament before I made <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span> the acquaintance of the official
+presiding over the Press Gallery. The Press Gallery is, as all know,
+directly over the Speaker. The front row is divided into little boxes
+where the representatives of the leading papers sit. The others are
+seated above them against the wall. These members of the Press look like
+a row of aged schoolboys very much troubled to write anything about
+Parliament to-day. Their monitor sits by the seat near the door, which
+in former days was in the middle of the Gallery.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 570px; ">
+<img src="images/img234.jpg" width="570" height="570" alt="FAMILIAR FACES." title="FAMILIAR FACES." />
+<span class="caption">FAMILIAR FACES.<br />
+<i>Mr. Punch (Cartoonist-in-Chief).</i></span> "<span class="caption" style="font-variant: small-caps; ">Oh, I know all you Old Models. I want some New 'Character'!</span>"
+</div>
+
+<p>I shall never forget my first experience of this Press Gallery official.
+He was big, and fat, and greasy; in evening dress, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span> and he wore
+a real gold chain with a badge in front like a mayor or sheriff. He awed
+me&mdash;recollect I am now speaking of the day I attended as a comparatively
+new boy, and I trembled in his presence. There was no seat vacant except
+the one next to him. He sleeps! Nervously I slip into the seat. He
+wakes, and looks down at me.</p>
+
+<p>"H'm! What are you?" is his sleepy remark.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img235.jpg" width="350" height="495" alt="HE SLEEPS." title="HE SLEEPS." />
+<span class="caption">"HE SLEEPS."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"<i>Punch</i>," I reply.</p>
+
+<p>"Ticket?"</p>
+
+<p>"Left at home."</p>
+
+<p>"Bring it next time."</p>
+
+<p>"Certainly," say I, relieved. He slumbers again. I strain over to see
+who is speaking. This wakes the gentleman with the real gold chain
+again. He gazes down upon me. I feel smaller.</p>
+
+<p>"What are you?"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Punch</i>."</p>
+
+<p>"Eh! Where's ticket?"</p>
+
+<p>"Left at home."</p>
+
+<p>"Bring it next time. Saves bother, young fellow."</p>
+
+<p>"Certainly," I reply, and, encouraged by his familiarity, I venture to
+ask, "Who is that speaking?" I just got the question out in time, for he
+was dozing off again.</p>
+
+<p>"New Member," he replied, and, half dozing, he goes on, more to himself
+than to me: "One more fool! Find his level here! All fools here! Stuff
+you've been givin' them at your College Union. Rubbish! Yer
+perambulator's waitin' outside. Oh, follow yer Dad to the Upper House,
+an' look sharp about it." He mumbles. I well recollect the youthful
+Member, so criticised, labouring through his maiden speech. The eldest
+son of a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span> Peer, with a rather effeminate face, Saxon fairness
+of complexion, and with an apology for a moustache, it struck me that if
+petrified he would do very well as a dummy outside a tailor's
+establishment. Yet this youthful scion of a noble line has a good
+record. He carried off innumerable prizes at Eton, was a double first at
+Oxford, President of the Union, and a fellow of his college; one of the
+University Eight, and of the Eleven; distinguished at tennis, racquets,
+and football; hero of three balloon ascents; great at amateur
+theatricals; a writer upon every possible subject, including theology,
+for the leading magazines; member of sixteen London clubs; married a
+titled heiress, and is only thirty years of age.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img236a.jpg" width="300" height="255" alt="HERE, I SAY, WHAT ARE YOU?" title="HERE, I SAY, WHAT ARE YOU?" />
+<span class="caption">"HERE, I SAY, WHAT ARE YOU?"</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 293px; ">
+<img src="images/img236b.jpg" width="293" height="255" alt="PUNCH, I REPLIED." title="PUNCH, I REPLIED." />
+<span class="caption">"<i>PUNCH</i>," I REPLIED.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Some of his college friends sit in the Strangers' Gallery to hear their
+late President make his first great effort in the real Parliament. The
+effect disappoints them. Their champion is "funky." When the Oxford
+Eight were behind at Barnes Bridge, it was "Dolly's" muscle and nerve
+that pulled the crew together and won the race. When at Lord's the match
+was nearly over, and the Light Blues had won all but the shouting,
+"Dolly" went in last man and rattled up fifty in half an hour and won
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</a></span> the match. When at the Oxford Union he spoke upon the very
+question now before the House&mdash;namely, whether a tax should be imposed
+upon periwinkles&mdash;his oratory alone turned the scale, and gave his party
+the victory. Yet now his speech upon the periwinkle problem has
+certainly not impressed the House. Men listened for a time and then
+adjourned to dinner, and his splendid peroration, recognised by his
+friends as the same which he had delivered at the Oxford Union, failed
+to elicit a single cheer.</p>
+
+<p>Curiosity, however, induced his supporters to remain and hear the reply.
+The next speaker was a contrast to their hero, and a titter went round
+among Dolly's friends in the Gallery. He was a type of the preaching
+Member. No doubt a very worthy soul, but hardly an Adonis to look at,
+nor a Cicero to listen to. Still he is sincere, and with his own class
+effective; and sincerity, after all, is the most valuable, and I may add
+the most rare, quality in the composition of an ordinary Member of
+Parliament.</p>
+
+<p>My neighbour, the Usher, at this point opens his left eye, which takes
+in at a glance the Opposition side of the House, and breaks out in this
+style:</p>
+
+<p>"All right, little 'un! Keep wot yer sayin' till Sunday. Yer sermon's
+sending me to sleep. Forcing taxation on the winks of the 'ungry
+Englishman will raise the country to revolt. Tommy rot! Here endeth the
+first lesson, thank goodness!"</p>
+
+<p>The soliloquising official rolls off his seat chuckling along the
+Gallery. Envelopes are handed to him by the reporters. He rolls back to
+the door, opens it, gives the copy to the messengers waiting for it, and
+rolls back once more into his seat. In doing so he spies me.</p>
+
+<p>I feel smaller.</p>
+
+<p>"Here, I say, what are you?"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Punch.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"Where's ticket?"</p>
+
+<p>"Left at home."</p>
+
+<p>"H'm! Don't forget it again."</p>
+
+<p>"Certainly not."</p>
+
+<p>I say nothing more, as I am too interested in his running commentary of
+the proceedings. A grunt. Shake down:</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Old Waddy, is it? Another sermon. Blow black plaster. Tell that to the
+juries, and use it again in chapel. Yer a good friend to us&mdash;get a count
+soon. Ah, I thought so. Joey Biggar up to count and snuff."</p>
+
+<p>"Have a pinch?" he said to me.</p>
+
+<p>"Thanks." I sneeze.</p>
+
+<p>"What are you?" asked the man of the golden badge, looking down at me. I
+met his query as before.</p>
+
+<p>Same demand.</p>
+
+<p>Same reply.</p>
+
+<p>Same promise.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img238.jpg" width="300" height="271" alt="I FEEL SMALLER!" title="I FEEL SMALLER!" />
+<span class="caption">"I FEEL SMALLER!"</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The electric bells were ringing for a "count out." He opened both eyes
+to watch if forty Members came in. They did; and three times forty.</p>
+
+<p>"Torment 'em! Keep me here all night, I see."</p>
+
+<p>Samuel Banks Waddy&mdash;Pleader, Preacher, Parliamentarian (as he is
+designated in a work on M.P.'s)&mdash;continues preaching. He is followed by
+the Leader of the House. My soliloquising friend continues:</p>
+
+<p>"Ah, Old Morality&mdash;as Lucy calls ye&mdash;up at last. Move the closure, now
+then, that's right; speak of yer dooty to the House and Country. Set the
+Rads laughing, shut yer own mouth, and sit down. Oh lor! 'Ere's the
+Grand Old Muddler up. We're getting 'usky, old 'un; both of us have 'ad
+too much of this job. We're very much alike, Gladdy and me&mdash;both great
+eaters and great sleepers."</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Gladstone was telling the House all about black plaster, and gave
+three points why it should not be used in public hospitals. With the
+third point he landed a blow at Home Rule, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</a></span> and his ingenuity
+in doing so brought forth a derisive cheer from the Irish benches, which
+roused my neighbour.</p>
+
+<p>I looked up at him smiling, as much as to say, "Just like the Old
+Parliamentary Hand."</p>
+
+<p>"What are you?" he growled.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Punch</i>."</p>
+
+<p>"Ticket?"</p>
+
+<p>Same reply and promise.</p>
+
+<p>Appeased, he continued:</p>
+
+<p>"Words, words, words&mdash;no 'ed no tail. Oh, of course you remember the
+introduction of white plaster&mdash;3rd of June, 1840&mdash;why didn't you say
+half-past two o'clock? More convincing. No doubt you got into some
+scrape and 'ad to use it. Won't you catch it from the old woman in the
+Gallery when you get home if you say so! Can't 'ear yer, thank goodness.
+Scribblers will take down any rot you talk. They want <i>me</i>, I suppose.
+Blowed if the country wants you."</p>
+
+<p>Again he rolls out of his seat, collects the reporters' copy, and gives
+it to the attendants.</p>
+
+<p>"Who are you? Ah, <i>Punch</i>. Don't forget yer ticket."</p>
+
+<p>Again he dozes.</p>
+
+<p>"'Icks Beach up! 'Ave all the Board of Trade chaps up, capping each
+other. Funny thing&mdash;Board of Trade chap says anything, all the Board of
+Traders must have a word in. Same with Local Government Board&mdash;new man
+says anything, old 'uns put in a word for theirselves, just to keep the
+place warm for them to return. Board!&mdash;I'm bored&mdash;joke there for Lucy.
+Thought the Irish lot couldn't keep quiet much longer. Tanner up,&mdash;ought
+to know more about plaster than politics. Rum fellers, these doctors in
+the House; leave their patients at 'ome, and come here to try
+ours&mdash;'nother good joke for Lucy&mdash;make his 'air stand on end. Tanner
+sticking to the plaster&mdash;now then, young Tories, jeer 'im down. The
+Doctor's goin' it. Order! order! That's right, Brand, turn 'im
+out,&mdash;wouldn't stand 'im in any place else. City Fowler's
+bellowing,&mdash;scene a-brewing,&mdash;good copy for these quill-drivers."</p>
+
+<p>Dr. Tanner had recited some harrowing tale about black <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</a></span> plaster being used in his native
+town by a hospital surgeon on the scratched face of some old woman who
+had joined "the boys" in a street fight, although she protested that
+pink suited her complexion.</p>
+
+<p>"It was a base Saxon trick!" roared the infuriated Member for Cork
+County. "On a par with the mane, dirty doings of puppets and spalpeens
+like the Mimbers opposite."</p>
+
+<p>"Order! order!" cried the Speaker. "The hon. Member must withdraw that
+expression."</p>
+
+<p>"I'll not withdraw anything except by adding that they're all liars on
+the Tory benches."</p>
+
+<p>"The hon. Member must withdraw."</p>
+
+<p>The Doctor "exits" with a flourish, glares at the Conservative benches
+below the gangway, and hisses at them:</p>
+
+<p>"Better order a ton of plaster, for you'll want it after I meet ye
+outside."</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Labouchere and two or three Irish Members rise at once.</p>
+
+<p>My neighbour sneers.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, sit down, ye rubbishy lot! Labby,&mdash;better keep yer jokes for yer
+paper. Bless me if Conybeare ain't left standing! Now for an hour of
+boredom."</p>
+
+<p>"He <i>is</i> a bore," I remark.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, I've stood Kenealy and Wharton, but this bore I can't. I'll chuck
+it up. Kenealy did his best for the Claimant, and was amusing at times;
+and Wharton,&mdash;well, he had good snuff, and his hat was a treat; but this
+Conybeare is a bore and nothing else."</p>
+
+<p>So he went on.</p>
+
+<p>The "descendant of kings," Sir William Harcourt, rose to pulverise
+Torydom and put an end to the Government and everything in general, when
+the Speaker rose and said that the question before the House was whether
+black sticking-plaster could be used in public hospitals.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, that's right, he wants putting down; too much of the grand Old
+Bailey style. Make yer fortune in plush and knee breeches as a prize
+flunkey; platform stuff won't do for us. What are you?" I feel smaller!</p>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"<i>Punch</i>."</p>
+
+<p>"You take Harcourt off with the chins?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes."</p>
+
+<p>"Shake hands!"</p>
+
+<p>We were friends ever afterwards.</p>
+
+<p>One day when I arrived,&mdash;actually with my Gallery ticket,-a fresh
+pleasant official sat in my old friend's place, wearing his gold chain
+and badge. "Should this meet the eye" of his predecessor, soliloquising
+in the retirement of his suburban home, I trust it will not disturb the
+serenity of his well-earned repose, for he was a capital fellow, and I
+can answer for much good sense in his "official utterances."</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img241.jpg" width="300" height="275" alt="I FEEL SMALLER!" title="I FEEL SMALLER!" />
+<span class="caption">I FEEL SMALLER!</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>If a politician were not a caricature by nature, I made him one. Mr.
+Gladstone's collar I invented&mdash;for the same reason a journalistic friend
+of mine invented Beaconsfield's champagne jelly&mdash;for "copy." When
+Members suggested nothing new, I turned my attention to officials. The
+Sergeant-at-Arms in that way became known as the "Black Beetle."</p>
+
+<p>I watched Captain Gosset from the Press Gallery walk up the floor of the
+House in court dress, his knee-breeches showing off his rather bandy
+legs, elbows akimbo, and curious gait; his back view at once suggested
+the beetle, and as the Black Beetle he was known. This, I was assured,
+gave offence, so that I was rather anxious to see how I should be
+greeted when Professor Thorold Rogers took me into the Sergeant's
+presence, after I had been drawing him as the "Beetle" for some time.</p>
+
+<p>The late Professor Thorold Rogers was for many years a familiar
+Bohemianish figure in Parliament. He had a marked <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</a></span>
+individuality, a strong head and a rough tongue, an uncouth manner,
+sloppy attire, and his conversation was anything but refined. Still he
+was kind and amusing, and, for a Professor in Parliament, popular.
+Professors are not liked in St. Stephen's, and never a success; and as a
+politician Professor Thorold Rogers was no exception to this rule. It
+was he who introduced me to the Sergeant-at-Arms' room, that <i>sanctum
+sanctorum</i> of the lively spirits of Parliament. Perhaps I ought
+correctly to call it Captain Gosset's room, for although Captain Gosset
+was the Sergeant-at-Arms, the Sergeant-at-Arms was by no means Captain
+Gosset. An anecdote will illustrate this.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 200px; ">
+<img src="images/img242.jpg" width="200" height="260" alt="THE BLACK BEETLE." title="THE BLACK BEETLE." />
+<span class="caption">THE BLACK BEETLE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>A friend of mine, a well-known journalist, travelling abroad during the
+Recess, fell in with Captain Gosset, and they became companions in their
+journey. A few days after they arrived home my journalistic acquaintance
+was in the Inner Lobby of the House of Commons as the Sergeant-at-Arms
+was passing through, and he called out, "How are you, Captain Gosset?
+Any the worse for your journey?"</p>
+
+<p>"I beg your pardon, sir, I have not the pleasure of your acquaintance.
+You are mistaken."</p>
+
+<p>"Nonsense, Captain! Why, we travelled together. I am&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"That may be, but&mdash;&mdash; Oh, I see, you are thinking of that fellow Gosset.
+Sir, I am the Sergeant-at-Arms!" And he strode off with the greatest
+dignity.</p>
+
+<p>I was agreeably surprised when I was introduced to the "Black Beetle."</p>
+
+<p>"Here is Harry Furniss, <span class="correction" title="added missing double quotes">Gosset"</span> (not Sergeant, I observed); "now give it
+to him."</p>
+
+<p>"Delighted to make your acquaintance, Mr. Furniss. You see how I
+appreciate your work." And he pointed to a row of black beetles, cut out
+of <i>Punch</i> and pasted on the wall, the rest of the wall being covered
+with interesting and dignified portraits of Members. Here was Gosset at
+twelve o'clock at <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</a></span> night. At twelve noon he would be
+Sergeant-at-Arms, with power to take me to the Clock Tower.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; ">
+<img src="images/img243.jpg" width="600" height="483" alt="THE SERGEANT-AT-ARMS' ROOM." title="THE SERGEANT-AT-ARMS' ROOM." />
+<span class="caption">THE SERGEANT-AT-ARMS' ROOM. <i>From "Punch."</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>This room is still the Sergeant-at-Arms' office, but in it are no
+portraits, no black beetles&mdash;on paper; there may be some living
+specimens, for aught I know, haunting the old room in search of the
+lively company, the pipes, and the huge decanters. The present
+Sergeant-at-Arms is as unlike a black beetle as he is unlike the
+Bohemian Gosset. But I shall be surprised if, when the courteous and
+universally appreciated Sergeant-at-Arms retires, and the present
+Assistant Sergeant-at-Arms, Mr. Gosset, takes his place, we shall not
+see the old room again the most entertaining spot in the Houses of
+Parliament.</p>
+
+<p>When Professor Rogers was escorting me to the famous room, he implored
+me to leave politics outside of it,&mdash;as if I ever talked politics in the
+House! "Rule is&mdash;no politics, so don't forget it." </p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Ah," he said, as soon as he sat down, "why aint you in the House, Tom,
+vilifying and misrepresenting the Irish as I heard you this afternoon!
+Disgraceful, I say, disgraceful!" and he thumped the table.</p>
+
+<p>"No politics, Professor," "Dick" Power remarked.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img244.jpg" width="300" height="460" alt="CAPT. GOSSET, LATE SERGEANT-AT-ARMS." title="CAPT. GOSSET, LATE SERGEANT-AT-ARMS." />
+<span class="caption">CAPT. GOSSET, LATE SERGEANT-AT-ARMS. <i>From the "Illustrated London News."</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Oh, indeed, my noble Whip; that comes well from a beater to a beaten
+gang. Why aint you at your post,&mdash;the door-post, ha! ha!&mdash;and rally your
+men and overthrow these damned Tories? Oh, yes, King-Harman, your good
+looks do not atone for bad measures."</p>
+
+<p>"No politics, Professor," all cried.</p>
+
+<p>"Come, Furniss, come away, they're all drunk here. I'll tell you my last
+story on the Terrace. These Tories destroy everything."</p>
+
+<p>Such was my introduction to this select little club in Parliament, in
+which, with the exception of the Professor, all forgot politics, and the
+best of the Tories, Home Rulers, Radicals, and officials were at peace.
+I was always on most friendly terms with my "Black Beetle," a proof that
+caricature leaves no unkind sting when the victim is really a man of the
+world and a jolly good fellow. Surely nothing could be more offensive to
+an official in high office than to be continually represented as a black
+beetle!</p>
+
+<p>When I did not "invent" a character, such as the "Beetle," I adopted for
+a change various styles of drawing. For even the work of a caricaturist
+becomes monotonous if he is but a master of one style and a slave to
+mannerisms. To avoid this I am Egyptian, Chinese, Japanese, and at times
+"Childish"&mdash;a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</a></span> specimen of each style in <i>Punch</i> the
+proprietors have kindly allowed me to republish in these pages. There is
+really very little artistic merit in the "Childish" style of work. I did
+not use it often, but whenever I did I tried to introduce some "drawing"
+as well. Here, for instance, are my Academy skits&mdash;drawn as if by a boy,
+but the figures of the teacher and pupil are in drawing. By the way,
+these different styles, I am glad to see, are still kept alive in the
+pages of <i>Punch</i> by new&mdash;if not younger&mdash;hands. This year's (1901)
+Academy skits and other drawings, I notice, are signed "'Arry's Son,"
+but they are not&mdash;as might be thought&mdash;by one of my own boys.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; ">
+<img src="images/img245.jpg" width="600" height="799" alt="MY CHILDISH STYLE IN PUNCH." title="MY CHILDISH STYLE IN PUNCH." />
+<span class="caption">MY "CHILDISH" STYLE IN <i>PUNCH</i>.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 420px; ">
+<img src="images/img246.jpg" width="420" height="468" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>During most of the time I enjoyed a privilege which belonged to no one
+else, not excepting Members, for even Members must, like schoolboys,
+keep "within bounds." They are not permitted, for instance, to enter the
+Press Gallery, or the portion of the House reserved to the Press;
+neither can Press-men enter the Members' rooms at will. The public,
+being ignorant of the stringent rules of St. Stephen's, cannot
+understand the obstacles there are to seeing the House. One instance
+will suffice to show the absurdity of the rules. The ex-Treasurer of the
+House of Lords, whose acquaintance I had, and whose offices were in the
+corridor by the Select Chamber, could not take anyone into the House,
+even when it was empty, without a written order. Although armed with a
+Gallery Ticket, and also on the "Lobby list," <i>i.e.</i>, the right to enter
+the Inner Lobby, I was not free to make any sketches of the House
+itself, inside or out. Requiring to get such material for the elaborate
+interiors and exteriors I use in my Lecture-Entertainment, "The Humours
+of Parliament," I boldly bearded the highest official in his den, and
+left with this simple document. Aladdin's key could not have caused more
+surprise than this talisman. The head of the police, the
+Sergeant-at-Arms himself, could not interfere. "The Palace of
+Westminster" includes the House of Commons, so I made full use of my
+unique opportunity, and possess material invaluable for my Parliamentary
+work.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; ">
+<img src="images/img247.jpg" width="600" height="388" alt="I SKETCH THE HOUSE." title="I SKETCH THE HOUSE." />
+<span class="caption">I SKETCH THE HOUSE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>I had facilities in another way. At one time the Engineer-in-Chief was a
+friend of mine, Dr. Percy. Few men were better known in and about the
+House than this popular official engineer of the Palace of Westminster.
+To begin with, he was over six feet high, and had a voice that would
+carry from the Commons to the House of Lords. He had to be "all over the
+place"&mdash;under the House, over the House, and all round the House. He was
+as well-known in the smoking-room of the Garrick Club as he was in the
+smoking-room of the Commons, and it was when I joined the Garrick I made
+his acquaintance. He was also an art <i>connoisseur</i>, and had a very fine
+collection of water-colours. The first time I saw the Doctor was years
+before on a steamer on the Rance, between Normandy and Brittany. I made
+a sketch of his extraordinary features, so that when he entered the
+Garrick Club I recognised the original of my caricature. We frequently
+walked down to the Houses of Parliament together after dinner, and more
+than once he invited me behind the scenes and under the stage of
+Parliament, through the "fog filter" and ventilating shafts, when he was
+wont to indulge in a grim, saturnine humour appropriate to his
+subterranean subject. As he opened the iron doors for us to pass from
+one passage to another, close to and above which the benches are
+situated,&mdash;for the whole House is honeycombed for ventilating
+purposes,&mdash;he pretended that long experience enabled him to discriminate
+between the odours from different parts of the House, and declared that
+he could tap and draw off a specimen of the atmosphere on the Government
+benches, the Opposition side, or the Radical seats, at will.</p>
+
+<p>"There, my boy! eh? Pretty thick, aint it? That's the Scotch lot. Now
+hold your nose. I open this door and we get the Irish draught. Ugh! Come
+on, come on quickly&mdash;mixture of Irish, working-men M.P.'s, and Rads.
+Kill a horse!"</p>
+
+<p>The table of the House, which Mr. Disraeli erroneously described as "a
+solid piece of furniture," is in reality&mdash;like so many arguments which
+are flung across it&mdash;perfectly hollow; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</a></span> and one evening when I
+arrived with Dr. Percy and found that in consequence of the winding-up
+speech of Mr. Gladstone in a great debate the Press Gallery was full and
+all the seats under the gallery were occupied, Dr. Percy kindly allowed
+me to sit <i>inside the table</i>. I was sorely tempted to try the effect of
+inserting my pencil through the grating which forms the side of the
+table, and tickle the shins of the right hon. gentleman. Anyway, I
+looked straight into the faces of the Ministers and those on the front
+bench, and not only heard every word, but the asides and whispers as
+well.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px; ">
+<img src="images/img250.jpg" width="600" height="595" alt="DR. PERCY. THE HOUSE UP." title="DR. PERCY. THE HOUSE UP." />
+<span class="caption">DR. PERCY. "THE HOUSE UP."<br />
+<i>From "Punch."</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I only once caricatured Dr. Percy in <i>Punch</i> (December, 1886), after
+there had been a sort of earthquake in the Inner Lobby of the House, and
+the tesselated pavement was thrown up. I made <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</a></span> a drawing, "The
+House up at last." Dr. Percy "is personally directing the improvements."
+It is interesting to know that some of the pavement taken up on that
+occasion is laid in the hall of an hon. Member's house in the country,
+not far from West Kirby, Cheshire.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 450px; ">
+<img src="images/img251.jpg" width="450" height="501" alt="MR. PUNCH'S PUZZLE-HEADED PEOPLE." title="MR. PUNCH'S PUZZLE-HEADED PEOPLE." />
+<span class="caption">MR. PUNCH'S PUZZLE-HEADED PEOPLE. MR. GOSCHEN.<br />
+<i>From "Punch."</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<h3><br /><br />THE VILLAIN OF ART.</h3>
+
+<p>One frequently hears the remark, "Caricature is so ugly." Well,
+certainly pure caricature is the villain of art, and the popular
+draughtsman, like the popular actor, should, to remain popular in his
+work, always play the virtuous hero. If the leading actor <i>must</i> play
+the villain, he takes care to make up inoffensive and tame. So the
+villain caricaturist need not be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</a></span> "ugly"&mdash;but then he cannot be
+strong. Nor is it left to an actor&mdash;unless he be the star or
+actor-manager&mdash;to remain popular by being tame and pretty in every part.
+So is the caricaturist, if he is not the star, liable to be cast to play
+the villain whether he likes it or not, and if he is a genuine worker he
+will not shrink from the part, merely to remain popular and curry favour
+with those deserving to be satirised.</p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px; ">
+<img src="images/img252.jpg" width="500" height="566" alt="MR. PUNCH'S PUZZLE-HEADED PEOPLE." title="MR. PUNCH'S PUZZLE-HEADED PEOPLE." />
+<span class="caption">PUNCH'S PUZZLE-HEADED PEOPLE. "ALL HARCOURTS."<br />
+<i>From "Punch."</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Now in <i>Punch</i>, as I was cast for it, I played the villain's part. In
+doing so I was at times necessarily "ugly," and therefore to some
+unpopular. I confess I felt it my duty not <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</a></span> to shrink from
+being "ugly," although whenever I could I introduced some redeeming
+element into my designs&mdash;the figure of a girl, allegorical of Parliament
+or whatever the "ugly" subject might happen to be&mdash;but in some of my
+<i>Punch</i> drawings this relief was impossible. For instance, the series of
+"Puzzle Heads," in each of which a portrait of the celebrity is built up
+of personal attributes, characteristics, or incidents in the career of
+the person represented, could not but be unpleasant pictures. Some
+subscribers threatened to give up the paper if they were continued;
+others became subscribers for these Puzzle Heads alone. It is ever so.
+The old saying, "One man's meat is another's poison," is as applicable
+to caricature as to anything else. It is impossible to please all tastes
+when catering for the large public, unless an editor is satisfied to be
+stereotyped and perfunctory; but Mr. Punch has made his name by his
+strength, not his weakness, and it may be safely inferred that no Tory
+thinks less of him for having used all his talent in attacking Benjamin
+Disraeli year after year as no man has been attacked before&mdash;or
+since&mdash;in his pages.</p>
+
+<p>In looking through the volumes of <i>Punch</i> one is apt to forget that the
+strong situations and stirring events by which a caricaturist's hit is
+made effective at the time of publication fade from one's memory. The
+cartoon in all its strength remains a record of an event which has lost
+its interest. One cannot always realise that the drawing was only strong
+because the feeling and interest at the time of its conception demanded
+it. Allowance should therefore be made for the villain's ugly
+caricature, if it is a good drawing, prophetically correct, and
+therefore historically interesting.</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps no cartoon of mine in <i>Punch</i> caused such hostile criticism as
+"The New Cabinet" (August 27, 1892). It gave great offence to the
+Gladstonians. The Radical Press attacked me ferociously, and as I think
+most unfairly, for they treated it politically and not pictorially, and
+severely reprimanded Mr. Punch for publishing it. Had it been a
+Conservative Cabinet the Tory Press would not have resented it or
+allowed narrow-minded party politics to prejudice their mind in such
+trivial <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</a></span> matters. <i>Punch</i> is supposed to be non-political. Its
+present editor is impartial. Mr. Punch's traditions are Whig, and
+somehow or other a certain class of its readers at that particular
+crisis was strongly opposed to the two sides of a question being
+treated. Yet I venture to say two-thirds of the readers of <i>Punch</i> are
+Conservatives, and should therefore be amused. It is impossible to treat
+a strong political subject&mdash;such as the meeting of that particular
+Cabinet caricatured by me&mdash;without offending some readers by amusing
+others, unless, as I say, the subject is treated in a colourless manner.
+This particular cartoon hurt because it hit a strong situation in a
+truthful and straight-forward manner, and subsequent events proved it to
+be a correct conception. Yet at the time no name was too bad for me, and
+as these are my confessions, let me assure the public that had the
+Cabinet been a Conservative one I would have treated it in exactly the
+same way; and it is my firm conviction that had such been the case I
+would have given no offence either inside or outside of Mr. Punch's
+office.</p>
+
+<p>My readers will sympathise with me. I am to draw political cartoons
+without being political; I am to draw caricatures without being
+personal; I am to be funny without holding my subject up to ridicule; I
+am to be effective without being strong&mdash;in fact, I am to be a
+caricaturist without caricature! On the other hand, no cartoon I ever
+drew for <i>Punch</i> was more popular. Non-politicians were good enough to
+accept it as an antidote to the usual caricatures, and those papers on
+the other side of politics were extravagantly complimentary, and I
+received a large sum for the original for a private collection. I allow
+the following leaderette from the <i>Birmingham Post</i> to illustrate the
+point, and at the same time to describe the cartoon. The same paper, I
+may add, comments on the principal cartoon in <i>Punch</i> that week&mdash;drawn
+by Tenniel&mdash;as showing that <i>Punch</i> "thinks little of the prospects of
+the present Government":</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"'Mr. Punch' is in 'excellent fooling' this week. Rarely has he, even
+he, more happily burlesqued a political situation than in Mr. Harry
+Furniss's cartoon of 'The New Cabinet.' Not a word of explanation
+accompanies the picture: it is good wine, needing no bush, and making
+very merry.</p></div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px; ">
+<img src="images/img255.jpg" width="550" height="410" alt="REDUCTION FROM ENGRAVING IN PUNCH." title="REDUCTION FROM ENGRAVING IN PUNCH." />
+<span class="caption">REDUCTION FROM ENGRAVING IN <i>PUNCH</i>.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>A glance suffices to seize its meaning, for it expresses a thought that
+has flitted, at one time or another, through everyone's mind. The big
+moment has come when Mr. Gladstone is to reveal to his colleagues the
+secret he has hitherto withheld from them, not less than from the
+electorate&mdash;to submit to them, masterly, succinct, complete, the scheme
+which, with unexampled courage and sublimest modesty, they have defended
+on trust, for which they have sacrificed their personal independence
+without knowing why, and as to which, painful to remember, they have
+sometimes blundered into confident and contradictory conjecture. We can
+picture the subtle excitement&mdash;in one Minister of joyful expectation, in
+another of horrid misgiving&mdash;under which they have come together. Well,
+Mr. Gladstone unfolds the fateful document, and lo! it is a blank sheet.
+Paralysis and grim despair fall upon the spirits of the assembly; face
+to face with a nightmare reality, not a man amongst them has strength to
+say, 'This is a dream.' At the head of the table, his elbows resting on
+the parchment, and an undipped quill actually split upon it in his angry
+grasp, sits the Premier, a never-to-be-forgotten picture of impotent
+ill-humour. The task with which the Cabinet is confronted, for him as
+for the rest, is impossible and yet inexorable. In the candle-flame, by
+an effect of hallucination natural at <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</a></span> such a moment, the face
+of Mr. O'Brien seems to limn itself out, implacable and contemptuous;
+and there is a fearsome shadow on the blind&mdash;the massive head of Lord
+Salisbury. The candle, marked '40,' is the majority, which dwindles
+while the Ministers are sadly musing; and over the mantelpiece, behind
+the Premier's chair, mutely reproachful, hangs a picture of the great
+Cabinet of 1880. It is distinctly the best thing Mr. Furniss has done."</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>That impression was shared by my private friends as well, even those on
+<i>Punch</i>. My dear friend Mr. E. J. Milliken, a strong Radical, and a most
+active member of the staff, in a reply to a letter of mine, in which I
+intimated that I was afraid my cartoon would give offence, replied in a
+most flattering spirit.</p>
+
+<p>I had to play the "villain" in another scene in the same political
+drama, "Mr. Punch's Historical Cartoons" (1893), in which the same
+Cabinet is shown in Mr. Gladstone's room in the "Bauble Shop"&mdash;the House
+of Commons. Those Radicals who had not joined the Unionists again took
+offence. Those Radicals who had become Unionist wrote to congratulate
+me. From one well-known and powerful personality, a historical name in
+the publishing world, I received the following:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p style="text-align: right; margin-right: 1em; ">"February 23rd, 1893.</p>
+
+<p>"Your cartoon p. 95 delights us all. I have looked at it twenty times
+and seen fresh points in it. Nothing for years, I should say, has so
+entirely caught the very spirit of a great crisis.</p>
+
+<p>"We shall owe something to you for this felicitous exposure of
+Gladstone's insane Bill. Alas! the miners and the brickies, the
+costermongers and the dust-cart drivers, have now the power. The middle
+class has been out-numbered, and if it were not that some labouring men
+and artisans have hard heads enough to comprehend the position we should
+be landed in a pretty pickle next September.</p>
+
+<p>"It is a pity traitors' heads are nowadays their own copyright."</p></div>
+
+<p>A "copyright" in heads is a good suggestion, and coming from a publisher
+too! But apart from "traitors," there are others known to a
+caricaturist. The House of Commons at one time was rich in them. Some
+such works of art suffer in being <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 257]</a></span> translated. Indeed, what the
+poet "Ballyhooley" wrote of one might apply to others:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p style="font-variant: small-caps; text-align: center; ">"Darwin MacNeill.</p>
+
+<div style="margin-left: 5em; ">
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Darwin MacNeill, all the papers are hot on you,</span><br />
+Darwin MacNeill, they are writing a lot on you.<br />
+What in the world sort of face have you got on you?<br />
+Send us your photograph, Darwin MacNeill.<br />
+Surely you must be both lovely and pure!<br />
+Have you got fatures that nothing can cure?<br />
+Let's have the first of it,<br />
+Let's know the worst of it:<br />
+Is your face only a caricature?<br />
+Here's a health to you, Darwin MacNeill,<br />
+Let penny canes all your enemies feel;<br />
+Show me the crature would slander a fature<br />
+Of the beautiful Mimber for ould Donegal.<br /></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Our childhers are dull, and we wish to be brightening them</span><br />
+Send us your picture and we'll be enlightening them,<br />
+Maybe 'twill only be useful for frightening them;<br />
+Still let us have it, dear Darwin MacNeill.<br />
+Shut up the slander and talk they are at,<br />
+Show us the head you've got under your hat;<br />
+True every particle, genuine article,<br />
+Send us your picture in answer to that.<br />
+Here's a health to you, etc.<br /></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"I hear that the Queen she has simply gone crazy, man;</span><br />
+Says she to Gladstone, 'Get out, you old lazy man!<br />
+Cannot you see that I'll never be aisy, man,<br />
+Till I've a portrait of Darwin MacNeill?'<br />
+When of that picture she first got a sight,<br />
+She held it up, so they say, to the light,<br />
+Looked at the head of it, then all she said of it,<br />
+'I'm of opinion that Darwin is right.'<br />
+Here's a health to you, etc.<br /></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"There's just arrived now, to give great content to us,</span><br />
+A lovely picture, which someone has sent to us.<br />
+We know the worst now, for there has been sent to us<br />
+What's called a portrait of Darwin MacNeill.<br />
+If it's a likeness, I just tell you what,<br />
+That you have acted in ways you should not.<br />
+Don't try a turn of fists<br />
+On with the journalists;<br />
+Thrash those who gave you the head you have got.<br />
+
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 258]</a></span>
+
+But here's a health to you, Darwin MacNeill!<br />
+Only just manage new fatures to steal,<br />
+Then show me the crature would slander a fature<br />
+Of the beautiful Mimber for ould Donegal."</p>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img258.jpg" width="350" height="478" alt="REDUCTION OF PAGE IN PUNCH." title="REDUCTION OF PAGE IN PUNCH." />
+<span class="caption">REDUCTION OF PAGE IN <i>PUNCH</i>, SHOWING THAT MY CARICATURES WERE&mdash;IN THIS <span class="correction" title="originally CSAE">CASE</span>&mdash;PUBLISHED TOO LARGE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>This "Pen Portrait," by Mr. Robert Martin, refers to a matter of much
+regret to me. I have to confess my sorrow that I was the means of making
+a Member of Parliament ridiculous! The innocent item came in the
+ordinary course of my work for <i>Punch</i>. I was sent an incident to
+illustrate for the Diary of Toby, M.P., which, when published, was used
+as an excuse to "technically assault" me in the Inner Lobby of the House
+of Commons.</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps in the circumstances I may be pardoned if I confess a secret
+connected with these Parliamentary caricatures. For some years I
+provided a page drawing and some small cuts in every number during
+Parliament&mdash;the latter were generally sketches of Members of Parliament.
+These single portraits were supplied in advance, and engraved proofs
+sent in a book to Mr. Lucy to select from week by week. The following
+letter is worth quoting in full as a characteristic letter from the
+Editor, typical of his light and pleasant way of transacting business
+with his staff:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"Dear H. F.,&mdash;"Please keyindly see that H. L. (not 'Labby,' but 'Lucy')
+has all your parliamentarians whom you (as your predecessor Henry VIII.
+did) have executed on the block sent to him, as he found himself
+unprovided up to the last moment and so wrote to me in his haste.</p>
+
+<p>"(?) Fancy portrait. Our artist, H. F., as Henry VIII. taking off his
+victims' heads on the block, eh?</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; ">"Yours, "F. C. B."</p>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 259]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>To this rule, however, there were exceptions. This particular caricature
+was one of them: it was drawn at the last moment to illustrate a
+particular passage in Mr. Lucy's Diary of Toby, M.P. Here it is:</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img259.jpg" width="350" height="440" alt="I GAVE INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE CARICATURE TO BE REDUCED AS USUAL." title="I GAVE INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE CARICATURE TO BE REDUCED AS USUAL." />
+<span class="caption">REDUCTION FROM THE ORIGINAL DRAWING, SHOWING THAT I GAVE INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE CARICATURE TO BE "REDUCED AS USUAL."</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"'Look here, Bartley,' said Tommy Bowles; 'if you're going on that tack,
+you must come and sit on this side. When I saw MacNeill open his mouth
+to speak, I confess I thought I was going to be swallowed whole. You sit
+here; there's more of you.'"</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>Now had I shown "Pongo," as he was familiarly called in the House, in
+the act of swallowing "Tommy Bowles," I might have produced a most
+objectionable caricature. I made, however, a smiling portrait of the
+genial Member. I was away at the time recovering from a long illness:
+the sketch was made in the country, and sent up to the <i>Punch</i>
+engraver's office. By some mistake there, it was not reduced in size in
+reproduction as others had been; therefore in the paper it was
+apparently given extra importance&mdash;I had nothing to do with that. That
+Mr. Lucy's reference to Mr. MacNeill is not a caricature can be judged
+by anyone reading the passage I had to illustrate, given above. The
+notion that the drawing was <i>purposely</i> produced on a larger scale than
+usual, so as to give this special caricature prominence, is disproved by
+the fact that the caricature of the gallant and genial <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 260]</a></span> Admiral Field I drew exactly
+under the same conditions appears on the same page also far too large.
+Therefore it is a mistaken idea that this particular portrait was
+intentionally offensive, or different from others.</p>
+
+<p>It was really the combination of circumstances, if anything, that called
+special attention to that particular page in <i>Punch,</i> and gave rise to</p>
+
+<h3>A SCENE IN THE LOBBY.</h3>
+
+<p>I shall, in describing the curtain rising on this historical incident,
+borrow Mr. Lucy's own account of the way in which the Member approached
+me after he had seen my illustration to Mr. Lucy's clever Diary of the
+Week:</p>
+
+<p>"It was shortly after seven o'clock that Mr. Harry Furniss strolled into
+the Lobby. He had been suffering from a long and severe sickness,
+dedicating this the first evening of his convalescence to a visit to the
+scene of labours which have delighted mankind. Over the place there
+brooded an air of ineffable peace. The bustle of the earlier hour of
+meeting was stilled. The drone of talk went on in the half-empty House
+within the glass doors. Now and then a Member hastily crossed the floor
+of the Lobby, intent on preparations for dinner. One of these chanced to
+be Mr. Swift MacNeill, a Member who, beneath occasional turbulence of
+manner, scarcely conceals the gentlest, kindliest disposition, a
+gentleman by birth and training, a scholar and a patriot. The House,
+whilst it sometimes laughs at his exuberance of manner, always shows
+that it likes him. Mr. Furniss, seeing him approach with hurried step,
+may naturally have expected that he was making haste to offer those
+congratulations on renewed health and reappearance on the scene of
+labour that had already been proffered from other quarters. What
+followed has been told by Mr. Furniss in language the simplicity and
+graphicness of which Defoe could not have excelled."</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Lucy refers to the following account I wrote at the time:</p>
+
+<p>"On my return to continue my work in Parliament for <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 261]</a></span> Mr. Punch
+after my severe illness, I found the jaded legislators yearning for
+fresh air, and even the approaching final division on the Home Rule Bill
+had failed to arouse more than a languid interest. I felt this
+depression when I entered the Lobby, its sole occupants being the
+tired-out doorkeepers and the leg-weary policemen. I really believe a
+swarm of wasps would not have roused them to activity, for I noticed a
+bluebottle resting undisturbed upon the nose of one of Inspector
+Horsley's staff. Even the Terrace was dusty, and the Members rusty and
+morose. One of the Irish Members had selected as his friend Frank
+Slavin, the well-known prize-fighter, who had an admiring group round
+him, to whom no doubt he was relating the history of his many plucky
+battles.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img261.jpg" width="300" height="261" alt="WHAT HAPPENED." title="WHAT HAPPENED." />
+<span class="caption">WHAT HAPPENED.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"The stimulating effect of this may have been the cause for the assault
+upon me in the Inner Lobby, which has afforded the stale House some
+little excitement, which has been the salvation of the silly season. So
+many papers have given startling accounts of this attack upon me, some
+stating that I was caned, others that I was pummelled, shaken like a
+dog, and so on, that I am glad to take the opportunity of giving a clear
+statement of what really occurred. I was standing close to the doors of
+the Inner Lobby, talking to Mr. Cuthbert Quilter, when Mr. Swift
+MacNeill interrupted us by asking me, 'Are you the man that draws the
+cartoons in <i>Punch</i>?' 'That depends upon what they are,' said I. 'I
+refer to one,' said the excited Member, 'that has annoyed me very much,'
+'Let me see it,' I replied. Mr. MacNeill then drew out his pocket-book
+and showed me a cutting from the current number of <i>Punch</i>. 'Yes,' I
+said, 'that is from a drawing of mine,' 'Then ye're a low, black-guardly
+scoundrel,' melodramatically exclaimed the usually genial Member. Taking
+two or three steps back, he hissed at me, with a livid face, a series of
+offensive epithets too coarse for <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 262]</a></span> publication. Having
+exhausted his vocabulary of vulgarity, a happy thought seemed to strike
+him. 'I want to assault you,' he said, and forthwith he nervously and
+gingerly tapped me as if he were playing with a hot coal. He then danced
+off to Members who were looking on, crying, 'This is the scoundrel who
+has caricatured me; witness, I assault him!' and he recommenced the
+tapping process which constituted this technical assault.
+
+<span class="figleft">
+<img src="images/img262.jpg" width="150" height="195" alt="DR. TANNER." title="DR. TANNER." /></span>
+<span class="capleft" style="width: 150px; ">DR. TANNER.</span>
+
+Knowing that Mr. MacNeill is a very excitable subject, and at once
+detecting that this assault was a 'put-up job,' I was determined to
+remain perfectly cool; and, truth to tell, the pirouetting of the
+agitated Member hugely amused me, particularly as the more excited he
+became, the more he resembled the caricature which was the cause, or
+supposed to be the cause, of this attack, I treated the hon. Member
+exactly as the policeman treated the bluebottle&mdash;with perfect
+indifference, not even troubling to brush away the trifling annoyance.
+But when in the midst of its buzzing round me I moved in the direction
+of one of the officials, it flew away. Then appeared what I had been
+anticipating, and the real cause of the insult transpired. Dr. Tanner
+came up to me just as I recollect Slavin approaching Jackson in their
+historic fight. He showered the grossest insults upon me, and I was
+surrounded at once by his clique, who were anxious for the scene which
+must have occurred had I, like Jackson, been the first to let out with
+my left. But here again was I face to face with a chronically excited
+Member, backed up by his friends, and I refused to be drawn into a
+brawl. But the secret of the real cause of this organised attack upon me
+was revealed to me by Dr. Tanner, who at once informed me that it was
+the outcome of my imitations of the Irish Members in my entertainment,
+'The Humours of Parliament,' which I have given for two seasons all over
+the country. This was my <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 263]</a></span> offence; my caricature of Mr. Swift
+MacNeill the excuse for the attack."</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img263.jpg" width="350" height="585" alt="ASSAULT ON ME IN THE HOUSE." title="ASSAULT ON ME IN THE HOUSE." />
+<span class="caption">ASSAULT ON ME IN THE HOUSE.<br />
+WHAT THE PRESS DESCRIBED.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Mr. MacNeill's "technical assault" was a very childish incident. He
+merely touched the sleeve of my coat with the tip of his finger, and
+asked me if I would accept that as a "technical assault." This
+mysterious pantomime was subsequently explained to me, and meant that I
+was to take out a summons&mdash;but I only laughed. At the moment Mr.
+MacNeill was pirouetting round me at a distance, Mr. John Burns came on
+to the scene, and chaffed Mr. MacNeill, drawing an imaginary picture
+(for Mr. Burns was not in the Lobby) of a real assault upon me. A
+gentleman connected with an evening paper, who happened to enter with
+Mr. Burns, failed to see Mr. Burns's humour, and thereupon took down in
+shorthand Mr. Burns's imaginary picture as a matter of fact. It was
+published as a fact, and, for all I know or care, some may still believe
+that I was assaulted!</p>
+
+<p>When I read that I had been treated like a cur, I was rather amused; but
+when I read a statement in the papers from a man like John Burns saying
+that he saw me "taken by the lapels of the coat and shaken like a dog,
+and then taken by the ear and shaken by that," I thought the joke had
+been carried far enough. Determined to have this cock-and-bull story
+contradicted at once, I went down to the House and saw Mr. John Burns,
+who expressed to me his regret that he should have invented the story,
+and he left me to go to the writing-room, and promised I should have
+from him a written contradiction.</p>
+
+<p>After waiting a considerable time, a message was brought to <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 264]</a></span> me that Mr. Burns declined to
+keep his promise. I therefore wrote these particulars and sent them off
+to the Press. At the same time Mr. Burns, who had been closeted with
+some Radical journalists, wrote an offensive note&mdash;which was shown me,
+and which I advised him to publish.</p>
+
+<p>Poor Mr. MacNeill! Well may he say, "Save me from my friends!" The Press
+put on their comic men to make copy at his expense. If I were to publish
+it all, it would make a volume as large as this. By permission I publish
+the following lay from the <i>St. James' Budget</i> (September, 1893):</p>
+
+
+<p style="text-align: center; clear: both; ">"THE LAY OF SWIFT MACNEILL.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p style="text-align: center; ">(<i>Picked up in the Lobby.</i>)</p>
+
+<div style="margin-left: 1em; ">
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Have ye heard, have ye heard, of the late immortal fray,</span><br />
+When the lion back of Swift MacNeill got up and stood at bay,<br />
+When the lion voice of Tanner cried, 'To Judas wid yer chaff!'<br />
+An' the Saxon knees were shaking, though they made believe to laugh.</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'Twas widin the Commons' Lobby, in the corner by the dure,</span><br />
+There was Misther Harry Furniss a-standing on the flure,<br />
+When up to him came stalking, like O'Tarquin in his pride,<br />
+The bowldest of the bowld, MacNeill, wid the Docther by his side.</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Then the valiant Swift MacNeill from his pocket he took out</span><br />
+A picther very like him, an' he brandished it about,<br />
+An' he held it up to Furniss for his Saxon eyes to see,<br />
+An' he asked of him, 'Ye spalpeen, is this porthrait meant for me?'</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"''Tis your likeness, as I see it,' was the answer that he got,</span><br />
+An' the wrath of Misther Swift MacNeill then wax'd exceeding hot,<br />
+An' he cast the picther from him, an' he trod it on the ground,<br />
+An' he took an' danced an Irish jig the artist's form around.</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'Ye spalpeen,' thus again he spoke, 'ye most obnoxious fellow!</span><br />
+Ye see that I'm a lion, yet ye've made me a gorilla;<br />
+If your Saxon eyes are blinded to the truth of what I say,<br />
+Go and borrow for a moment the glasses of Tay Pay.</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'They will show ye that our seventy are Apollos one and all,</span><br />
+That we're most divinely lovely an' seraphically tall;<br />
+They will show ye we're all angels&mdash;though for divils I'll allow,<br />
+'Tis the black ones ye'll be seeing where the lost to Redmond bow.'</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Then Misther Swift MacNeill, just to lave his meaning clear,</span><br />
+Wid flowers of Irish eloquence filled Mr. Furniss' ear;<br />
+An' he also shook wid passion, an', moreover, shook his fist,<br />
+An' the Docther an' his blackthorn stood all ready to assist.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 265]</a></span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Misther Furniss smiled serenely, an' the only word he spoke</span><br />
+Was to say it seemed that Misther Swift was slow to see a joke,<br />
+But for all his jokes an' blarney, things were looking like a fight,<br />
+When a minion of the Spayker was seen to be in sight.</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Then Apollo Swift MacNeill from his dignity got down,</span><br />
+An' he withered Misther Furniss wid a godlike parting frown,<br />
+An' he stalked along the Lobby wid his grand O'Tarquin stride,<br />
+An' the other Mimbers followed him, an' went the House inside.</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"An' there they still are threading on the necks of Saxon slaves,</span><br />
+An' nightly wid their eloquence they're digging Saxon graves;<br />
+An' my counsel to the artist who their fatures would porthray,<br />
+Is to thry and see their beauty through the glasses of Tay Pay."</p>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 250px; margin-right: 5em; ">
+<img src="images/img265.jpg" width="250" height="637" alt="JOHN BURNS." title="JOHN BURNS." />
+<span class="caption">JOHN BURNS.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>This manufactured "scene," coming as it did in the silly season, was
+made to serve instead of the Sea-Serpent, the Toad-in-the-Rock, the
+Shower of Frogs, and other familiar inventions for holiday reading.
+Unfortunately the poor Members of Parliament obliged to remain in St.
+Stephen's had to suffer far more than I did through the eccentricity of
+Mr. Swift MacNeill. Several of them complained to me that he lured them
+into the corridors and corners of the House, and then vigorously set to
+work to demonstrate practically how he assaulted me, or how he imagined
+he assaulted me, to the discomfiture and consternation of the poor
+M.P's.</p>
+
+<p>I should like to explain why this "technical assault" on me was not made
+a matter of discussion. I did intend a friendly Member should have
+brought it before the Speaker, and in that way published the truth of
+the matter and exposed the stupid inventions of Burns &amp; Co. With that
+object I had an interview with the Speaker, and he implored me not under
+any circumstances <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 266]</a></span> to have it brought before the House. He was
+already tired, at the end of a trying session, and did not want any
+personal questions discussed, which invariably led to protracted scenes.
+For that reason, and for that reason only, it was not mentioned in
+Parliament, notwithstanding it was really a much more serious affair
+than was imagined. It was a deliberately organised conspiracy. When I
+was leaving the Lobby, after my amusing interview with Mr. MacNeill, in
+which he told me that I was "technically assaulted," Chief Inspector
+Horsley took me down a private passage, and informed me that he had been
+looking for me, as he had discovered there was a conspiracy to attack
+me, and at that moment nine or ten Members from Ireland were in the
+passage downstairs, out of which I would have in the ordinary course
+gone through, lying in wait for me. So I left with him by another door.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px; ">
+<img src="images/img266.jpg" width="550" height="350" alt="NOTE FROM SIR FRANK LOCKWOOD." title="NOTE FROM SIR FRANK LOCKWOOD." />
+<span class="caption">NOTE FROM SIR FRANK LOCKWOOD, AFTER READING THE BOGUS ACCOUNT OF THE "ASSAULT."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>In this I was not more to blame than other caricaturists, but I was more
+in evidence, and was selected to be "technically assaulted," so as to
+force me to bring an action, in which all papers, except those
+supporting the Irish Party, would have been attacked and discussed, and
+their influence if possible injured for purely political purposes. An
+aggrieved person, smarting <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 267]</a></span> under a gross injustice, does not
+"technically assault" the aggressor. Had Mr. <span class="correction" title="originally McNeill">MacNeill</span> tried it on with
+me, weak and ill as I was, I think I had enough power to oblige him; as
+it happened, I only saw the humour of the thing.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px; ">
+<img src="images/img267.jpg" width="550" height="416" alt="LETTER SUPPOSED TO COME FROM LORD CROSS." title="LETTER SUPPOSED TO COME FROM LORD CROSS." />
+<span class="caption">LETTER SUPPOSED TO COME FROM LORD CROSS.<br />
+(LOCKWOOD'S JOKE.)</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>One of the most amusing sketches I received was this from Sir Frank
+Lockwood. Lockwood and I frequently exchanged caricatures, as shown by
+the clever sketches I introduce here and there in these pages. Sometimes
+he sent me some chaffing note written in a disguised hand, and disguised
+drawing; but the latter experiment, although it failed to deceive,
+certainly entertained me greatly. Here is a letter supposed to be from
+Lord Cross, a favourite subject of mine when he was in the Lower House.
+Seldom a week passed but I made his nose shorter and his upper lip
+longer, made his head stick out, and his spectacles glisten. Did he
+object? No, no! "Grand Cross" is a man of the world; nor was he ever a
+mere notoriety-seeking political adventurer. I once met him at dinner,
+and we chatted over my caricatures of him, and I recollect his saying,
+"A man <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 268]</a></span> is not worth anything if he is thin-skinned, and
+certainly not worth much if he cannot enjoy a joke at his own expense."</p>
+
+<p>Sir Frank Lockwood whiled away the weary hours in Parliament to his own
+amusement and those around him, but he was not aware perhaps that what
+he did was seen from the Ladies' Gallery. The ladies got a birdseye view
+of his caricatures in progress. One in particular was the cause of much
+amusement, not only to the ladies, but to the Members. My lady informant
+related the incident to me thus: "I always watch Mr. Lockwood sketching,
+and I saw he had his eye on the burly figure of a friend of mine sitting
+on the Ministerial bench. Mr. Gladstone turned round to say something to
+him, and his quick eye detected Mr. Lockwood sketching. The artistic
+Q.C. handed the sketch (which I saw was a caricature of the late Lord
+Advocate) to Mr. Gladstone, who fairly doubled up with laughter, and
+handed it to those on either side of him. Eventually it was sent over to
+Mr. MacDonald and Mr. Balfour, and they thoroughly enjoyed the
+caricature of themselves, as did all their Tory friends. But <i>we</i> had
+seen it first!" It may have been this sketch subsequently sent to me and
+redrawn in <i>Punch</i>.</p>
+
+<p>I recall an incident which happened one evening when I was on watch in
+the Inner Lobby to find and sketch a newly-elected M.P., who, I heard,
+was about to make his maiden speech, and it was most important I should
+catch him. Just as I was going up to the Press Gallery, Sir Frank
+Lockwood came into the Lobby and offered to get me a seat under the
+Gallery where I could see the new M.P. to advantage. The new M.P. was
+"up," so Lockwood went into the House to fetch me the Sergeant's order.
+I waited impatiently for his return; a long time passed; still I waited.
+A smiling Member came out of the House, and I asked him if he had seen
+Lockwood. "Oh, rather," he replied, smiling still; "I've just been
+sitting by him, watching him make a capital caricature of a chap making
+his maiden speech." When the Member had finished his speech, Lockwood
+ran out, and cheeringly apologised to me for his absent-mindedness. "So
+tempting, you know, old chap, I couldn't resist sketching him!"</p>
+
+<p>Sir Frank Lockwood was perhaps the most favourable modern <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 269]</a></span> specimen of the buoyant amateur.
+Possessing a big heart, kindly feeling, a brilliant wit, and a facile
+pen, he treated art as his playfellow and never as his master. And in
+the spirit in which his work was executed so must it be judged. The work
+of an amateur artist possessing a distinct vein of humour is, in my
+opinion, far more entertaining than that of the professional
+caricaturist, the former being absolutely spontaneous and untrammelled
+by the conscientiousness of subsequent publication, of correct
+draughtsmanship, made only from impressions of the moment, and not the
+effort (as in the case of many a professional humorist) of having to be
+funny to order.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 200px; ">
+<img src="images/img269.jpg" width="200" height="489" alt="SIR F. LOCKWOOD." title="SIR F. LOCKWOOD." />
+<span class="caption">SIR F. LOCKWOOD.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>An excellent example of the amateur at his best is to be found in the
+drawings of Sir Frank Lockwood. No one would resent less than Lockwood
+himself having the term "amateur" applied to his work; indeed, he would,
+I am sure, have felt proud to be classed in the same category as several
+of our most popular humorous artists.</p>
+
+<p>Circumstances connected with a curious coincidence concerning a
+caricature (what alliteration!) are worth confirming.</p>
+
+<p>One morning I was taking my usual horse exercise round the ride in the
+inner circle of Regent's Park, before that spot, once the quiet haunt of
+the horseman, became the noisy ring of the cyclist. At that time a few
+cycling beginners used the circle for practice, and their alarming
+performances were gradually depleting the number of equestrians. One of
+these novices came down the hill, having an arm round the neck of his
+instructor, and one leg on the pedal, the other in mid air. He was
+unable to steer the machine, and as I cantered up, the performer's hat,
+which had been over one eye, fell off, disclosing the features of
+Professor Bryce. The next moment the machine, its rider and his
+instructor, were "all of a heap" on the ride up which my horse was
+cantering. I had just time to jump my horse on to the path <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 270]</a></span> and thus save my own neck, and
+the life of the energetic Member of Parliament, who I noticed later in
+the day, when sitting in the Press Gallery, was on the front Opposition
+bench, next to Sir Frank Lockwood, quite unconcerned. I made a rough
+sketch of the incident of the morning, and sent it down to my brother
+Two Pins, Sir Frank, with a request that his friend Bryce should in
+future select some other spot to practise bicycling. This was handed to
+Lockwood just as he was leaving the House, strange to say, on his way
+home to dress for a dinner at Professor Bryce's. Lockwood mischievously
+placed the sketch in the pocket of his dress coat, and at the dinner led
+up to the subject of cycling, suggesting at the same time that his host
+ought to try it.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img270.jpg" width="250" height="472" alt="LEWIS CARROLL'S SUGGESTION." title="LEWIS CARROLL'S SUGGESTION." />
+<span class="caption">LEWIS CARROLL'S SUGGESTION, AND MY SKETCH OF IT IN <i>PUNCH</i>.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Well, strange to say, Lockwood, I've been seriously thinking of it, but
+I don't know how one should begin."</p>
+
+<p>"Don't you?" cried Lockwood from the other end of the table. "What do
+you say to this, nearly killing my friend Harry Furniss!" And my
+caricature was produced and handed down from guest to guest, to the
+chagrin of the host. That was Lockwood's version of the coincidence.</p>
+
+<p>Suggestions for <i>Punch</i> came to me from most unexpected quarters, but
+were rarely of any use. Lewis Carroll&mdash;like every one else&mdash;got excited
+over the Gladstonian crisis, and Sir William Harcourt's head to Lewis
+Carroll was much the same as Charles the First's to Mr. Dick in "David
+Copperfield," for I find in several letters references to Sir William.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"<i>Re</i> Gladstone's head and its recent growth, couldn't you make a
+picture of it for the 'Essence of Parliament'? I would call it 'Toby's
+Dream of A.D. 1900,' and have Gladstone addressing the House, with his
+enormous head supported by Harcourt on one side, and Parnell on the
+other."</p>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[Pg 271]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>This suggestion is the only one I adopted. Strange to say, neither
+Gladstone, Parnell, nor Lewis Carroll lived to see 1900.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"Is that anecdote in the papers <i>true</i>, that some one has sent you a
+pebble with an accidental (and not a 'doctored') likeness of Harcourt?
+If so, let me suggest that your most <i>graceful</i> course of action will be
+to have it photographed, and to present prints of it to any authors
+whose books you may at any time chance to illustrate!"</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>This is the "anecdote":</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"Someone found on the seashore the other day a pebble moulded exactly on
+the lines of Mr. Furniss' portrait of Sir William Harcourt."</p>
+</div>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img271.jpg" width="250" height="370" alt="NATURE'S PUZZLE PORTRAIT." title="NATURE'S PUZZLE PORTRAIT." />
+<span class="caption">NATURE'S PUZZLE PORTRAIT.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Other notices were in verse. This from <i>Vanity Fair</i> is the best:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"For Fame, 'tis said, Sir William craves,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em; ">And to some purpose he has sought her;</span><br />
+His face is fashioned by the waves:<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em; ">When will his name be 'writ in water'?"</span></p>
+</div>
+
+<p>I lay under a charge of plagiarism. Nature had "invented" my Harcourt
+portrait, and had been at work upon it probably before I was born; the
+wild waves had by degrees moulded a shell into the familiar features,
+and when completed had left the sea-sculptured sketch high and dry on
+the coast. I now publish, with thanks, a photo-reproduction of the shell
+(not a pebble) as I received it: it is not in any way "doctored." It is
+a large, weather-beaten shell.</p>
+
+<p>There is no doubt but that at one time Lewis Carroll studied <i>Punch</i>,
+for in one of his earliest letters to me he writes:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"To the best of my recollection, one of the first things that suggested
+to me the wish to secure your help was a marvellously successful picture
+in <i>Punch</i> of a House of Lords entirely composed of Harcourts, where the
+figures took all possible attitudes, and gave all possible views of the
+face; yet each was a quite unmistakable Sir William Harcourt!"</p>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[Pg 272]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Again he refers to <i>Punch</i> (March, 1890):</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"A wish has been expressed in our Common Room (Christ's Church, Oxford),
+where we take in and bind <i>Punch</i>, that we could have 'keys' to the
+portraits in the Bishop of Lincoln's Trial and the 'ciphers' in
+Parliament" (a Parliamentary design of mine, "The House all Sixes and
+Sevens"). "Will you confer that favour on our Club? If you would give me
+them done roughly, I will procure copies of those two numbers, and
+subscribe the names in small MS. print, and have the pages bound in to
+face the pictures. The simplest way would be for you to put numbers on
+the faces, and send a list of names numbered to correspond."</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>Yet a few years brought a change (October, 1894):</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"No doubt it is by your direction that three numbers of your new
+periodical have come to me. With many thanks for your kind thought, I
+will beg you not to waste your bounties on so unfit a recipient, for I
+have neither time nor taste for any such literature. I have much more
+work yet to do than I am likely to have life to do it in&mdash;and my taste
+for comic papers is <i>defunct</i>. We take in <i>Punch</i> in our Common Room,
+but I never look at it!"</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>Hardly a generous remark to make to a <i>Punch</i> man who had illustrated
+two of his books, and considering that Sir John Tenniel had done so much
+to make the author's reputation, and <i>Punch</i> had always been so
+friendly; but this is a bygone.<br /></p>
+
+<h3>PUNCH AT PLAY.</h3>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img272.jpg" width="250" height="272" alt="" title="" />
+<span class="caption"></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>ell, Sir John, the Grand Old Man of <i>Punch</i>, the evergreen, the
+ever-delightful Sir John, has earned a night's repose after all his long
+day of glorious work and good-fellowship. "A great artist and a great
+gentleman": truer words were never spoken. It seems but yesterday he and
+I took our rides together; but yesterday he and I and poor
+Milliken&mdash;three <i>Punch</i> men in a boat&mdash;were "squaring up" at Cookham
+after a week's delightful boating holiday on the Thames.</p>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[Pg 273]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1" style="margin-left: 10em; ">
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; clear: both; ">"There sat three oarsmen under a tree,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Down, a-down, a-down&mdash;hey down!<br /></span>
+They were as puzzled as puzzled could be,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 4em; ">With a down;<br /></span>
+And one of them said to his mate,<br />
+'We've got these mems in a doose of a state,'<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">With a down derry, derry down!</span></p>
+</div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px; ">
+<img src="images/img273.jpg" width="550" height="378" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="blockquot1" style="margin-left: 10em; ">
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Oh, they were wild, these oarsmen three,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Down, a-down, a-down&mdash;hey down!<br /></span>
+Especially one with the white puggree,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 4em; ">With a down;<br /></span>
+For it's precious hard to divide by three<br />
+A sum on whose total you can't agree,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">With a down derry, derry down!</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"They bit their pencils and tore their hair,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Down, a-down, a-down&mdash;hey down!<br /></span>
+But those blessed bills, they wouldn't come square,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 4em; ">With a down;<br /></span>
+'Midst muddle and smudge it is hard to fix<br />
+If a six is a nine or a nine is a six,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">With a down derry, derry down!</span></p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[Pg 274]</a></span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"A crumpled account from a pocket of flannel<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Down, a-down, a-down&mdash;hey down!<br /></span>
+With dirt in dabs, and the rain in a channel,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 4em; ">With a down,<br /></span>
+Is worse to decipher than uniform text,<br />
+Oh, that is the verdict of oarsmen vext,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">With a down derry, derry down!</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"A man in a boat his ease will take,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Down, a-down, a-down&mdash;hey down!<br /></span>
+But financial conscience at last will wake,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 4em; ">With a down;<br /></span>
+Then Nemesis proddeth the prodigal soul<br />
+When he finds that the parts are much more than the whole,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">With a down derry, derry down!</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Those oarsmen are having a deuce of a time,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Down, a-down, a-down&mdash;hey down!<br /></span>
+The man in the puggree is ripe for crime,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 4em; ">With a down.<br /></span>
+Now heaven send every boating man<br />
+For keeping accounts a more excellent plan,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">With a down derry, derry down!"</span></p>
+</div>
+
+<p>So pencilled poet Milliken. "The man in the puggree" is Sir John,&mdash;ripe
+for many years to come, and when he has another banquet, may I be there
+to see.</p>
+
+<p><i>The Two Pins Club</i> was a <i>Punch</i> institution.</p>
+
+<p>Original notice of</p>
+
+<p style="text-align: center; ">"THE TWO PINS CLUB.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"There are Coaching Clubs, Four-in-hand Clubs, Tandem Clubs, and
+Sporting Clubs of all sorts, but there is no <i>Equestrian Club</i>.</p>
+
+<p>"The object of the present proposed Club is to supply this want.</p>
+
+<p>"The Members will meet on Sundays, and ride to some place within easy
+reach of town: there lunch, spend a few hours, and return.</p>
+
+<p>"Due notice will be given of each 'Meet,' and replies must be sent in to
+the Secretary by Wednesday afternoon at latest. When it is considered
+necessary, Luncheon will be ordered beforehand for the party, and those
+who have neglected to reply by the time fixed, and who do not attend the
+Meet, will be charged with their share of the Luncheon.</p>
+
+<p>"There will be other Meets besides those on Sundays, which will be
+arranged by the Members from time to time.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[Pg 275]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"The title of the Club is taken from the names of the two most
+celebrated English Equestrians known to 'the road,' viz.:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class="center">'DICK TURPIN'</p>
+
+<p class="center" style="font-variant: small-caps; ">and</p>
+
+<p class="center">'JOHN GILPIN.'</p>
+
+<p>"The Members of 'THE TWO PINS' will represent all the dash of the one
+and all the respectability of the other.</p>
+
+<p>"The original Members at present are:&mdash;</p>
+</div>
+
+<div style="margin-left: 20em; font-size: 90%; ">
+<p>MR. F. C. BURNAND.<br />
+MR. JOHN TENNIEL.<br />
+MR. LINLEY SAMBOURNE.<br />
+MR. HARRY FURNISS.<br />
+MR. R. LEHMANN.</p>
+</div>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"It is not proposed at first to exceed the number of twelve. The other
+names down for invitation to become members are&mdash;</p>
+</div>
+
+<div style="margin-left: 18em; font-size: 90%; ">
+<p>MR. FRANK LOCKWOOD, Q.C., M.P.<br />
+MR. JOHN HARE.<a href="#Footnote_3" name="FnAnchor_3"><sup>[3]</sup></a><br />
+SIR CHARLES RUSSELL, Q.C., M.P.</p>
+</div>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"We hope you will join. The eight Members can then settle a convenient
+day for the first Meet, and inaugurate the TWO PINS CLUB.</p>
+
+<p style="margin-left: 22em; "><a href="#FnAnchor_3" name="Footnote_3">[3]</a> "N.B. No hounds."</p>
+</div>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img275.jpg" width="350" height="205" alt="LORD RUSSELL'S ACCEPTANCE TO DINE WITH ME." title="LORD RUSSELL'S ACCEPTANCE TO DINE WITH ME." />
+<span class="caption">LORD RUSSELL'S ACCEPTANCE TO DINE WITH ME.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The Two Pins Club was started in 1890, and flourished until its
+President, Lord Russell, was elevated to the Bench. My only claim for
+distinction in connection with it rests on the fact that I was the only
+member who, except when I was in mid-Atlantic on my return from the
+States, never missed a meet. Were the Club now a going concern, I would,
+of course, refrain from mentioning it, but as it is referred to in the
+"History of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[Pg 276]</a></span> <i>Punch</i>" by Mr. Spielmann, and in "John Hare,
+Comedian," by Mr. Pemberton, I may be pardoned and also forgiven for
+repeating the one joke ever made public in connection with this
+remarkable Club.</p>
+
+<p>One afternoon our cavalcade was approaching Weybridge, which had been
+the scene of the boyish pranks of one of our members. To the amusement
+of us all, this brother Two Pins, as reminiscences of the district were
+recalled to him by one object and another, grew terribly excited.</p>
+
+<p>"Ah, my boys, there is the dear old oak tree under which I smoked my
+first cigarette! And there, where the new church stands, I shot my first
+snipe. Dear me, how all is altered! I wonder if old Sir Henry Tomkins
+still lives in the Lodge there, and what has become of the Rector's
+pretty daughter?" etc.</p>
+
+<p>Sir Frank Lockwood, observing lettering on the side of a house, "General
+Stores," casually asked our excited reminiscent friend if he "knew a
+General Stores about these parts?"</p>
+
+<p>"General Stores! Of course I do, but he was only a Captain when I lived
+here!"</p>
+
+<p>When the members lunched at The Durdans our host and honorary member,
+Lord Rosebery, remarked that it was a Club of "one joke and one horse!"
+the fact being that we all drove over from Tadworth, Lord Russell's
+residence, where we were staying, with the exception of Lord Russell
+himself, who rode. We had, of course, each a horse: some of the members
+a great deal more than one, but we were careful to trot out one joke
+between us: "General Stores" became our general and only story.</p>
+
+<p>The first public announcement respecting the Club appeared in the <i>Daily
+Telegraph</i>, the 4th of May, 1891:</p>
+
+<p>"The T.P.C. held its first annual meeting at the 'Star and Garter Hotel'
+yesterday morning. There was a full attendance of members. Under the
+careful and conciliatory guidance of the President, Sir Charles Russell,
+supported mainly by Mr. F. C. Burnand, Mr. Frank Lockwood, Mr. Harry
+Furniss, Mr. Edward Lawson, Mr. Charles Mathews, Mr. John Hare, Mr.
+Linley Sambourne, and Mr. R. Lehmann (hon. sec.), <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[Pg 277]</a></span> the
+customary business was satisfactorily transacted, and the principal
+subjects for discussion were dealt with in a spirit of intelligent
+self-control. Mr. Arthur Russell was unanimously elected a member of the
+association, which in point of numbers is now complete."</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 380px; ">
+<img src="images/img277a.jpg" width="380" height="345" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+
+<p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></p>
+<p style="font-size: 90%; text-indent: -1em; "><i>This sketch is à propos of Mr.
+Linley Sambourne's portrait
+in "Vanity Fair." Note
+refers to his being made
+Solicitor-General.</i></p>
+<p style="clear: both; ">&nbsp;</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 350px; ">
+<img src="images/img277b.jpg" width="350" height="500" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>But the object of the Club being carefully concealed, much mystery
+surrounds its name. Few were aware that it was merely a band of
+"Sontag-Reiters." Our hon. sec., being at the time prominent in
+politics, received congratulations from those who imagined the T.P.C.
+was a political association, and much wonderment was excited by the
+decidedly enigmatical appellation <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[Pg 278]</a></span> of the small and select
+society. Sir Edward Lawson showed marked ingenuity in retaining the
+mystery by his paragraphs in his paper. The first meet of our second
+season was the only one I missed during the years the Club existed:</p>
+
+<p>"The first meeting of the T.P.C. for the season of 1892 took place
+yesterday at the 'Star and Garter Hotel,' under the presidency of Sir
+Charles Russell, who was assisted in the performance of his duties by
+Mr. Frank Lockwood, Mr. Linley Sambourne, Mr. Edward Lawson, and Mr C.
+W. Mathews. The arrangements for the season were completed, and a digest
+was made of the subjects which claimed the immediate consideration of
+the members. The President called attention to a delay which had
+occurred in the fulfilment of certain artistic duties which had been
+entrusted to Mr. Harry Furniss and Mr. Linley Sambourne, and which had
+been retarded in their accomplishment by Mr. Furniss' voyage to America.
+But it was understood that immediate attention would now be bestowed
+upon the work in hand; and the remainder of the business was of a
+routine character."</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 200px; ">
+<img src="images/img278.jpg" width="200" height="196" alt="MR. LINLEY SAMBOURNE." title="MR. LINLEY SAMBOURNE." />
+<span class="caption">MR. LINLEY SAMBOURNE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The "artistic duties" referred to, I have no recollection of, but I know
+that at our preliminary meeting, when all matters, artistic and
+otherwise, were discussed and arranged, the two following important
+resolutions were proposed, seconded, and carried unanimously:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot1">
+<p>"That Mr. Rudolph Lehmann be elected Permanent Secretary, and that the
+duty of sending out all notices convening the Meets of the T.P.C., as
+well as all arrangements connected with the Club, be entrusted to him;
+and that every notice of meeting be posted and prepaid by him eight
+lunar, or at least three calendar, days before the date of each Meet;
+and further, that records in a neat and clerkly style of each and every
+Meet be faithfully kept by the said Secretary, and be at all times open
+for the inspection of each and every member of the T.P.C."</p>
+
+<p>"That Mr. Linley Sambourne shall provide at his own expense the
+notepaper and envelopes required for the business of the Club, and shall
+invent and draw a design, which design, also at his own expense, he
+shall cause to be stamped or otherwise engraved on the said notepaper
+and envelopes, and shall cause the said notepaper so stamped or engraved
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[Pg 279]</a></span> to be forwarded to the Perpetual President, the Permanent
+Secretary, and the other members, for use in connection only with the
+business of the Club."</p>
+
+<p>"It was further resolved that all maps and charts be kept at the
+Secretary's Office, and in the event of any dispute, the Ordnance Map or
+the Admiralty Chart shall be decisive."</p></div>
+
+<p>But during the existence of the Club there never was any cause to refer
+to an Ordnance Map or Admiralty Chart. There never was a Secretary's
+Office, nor did Mr. Linley Sambourne either design or provide the
+notepaper or envelopes, nor are there any records in existence, either
+printed or written "in a neat and clerkly style," of the merry meetings
+of this unique Club. It ran its delightful and dangerous course, its
+wild career, unmarred by any dispute or accident. The last "meet" was to
+dine Lord Russell on his elevation to the Bench.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px; ">
+<img src="images/img279.jpg" width="500" height="295" alt="PORTRAIT OF ME AS A MEMBER OF THE TWO PINS CLUB." title="PORTRAIT OF ME AS A MEMBER OF THE TWO PINS CLUB." />
+<span class="caption">PORTRAIT OF ME AS A MEMBER OF THE TWO PINS CLUB,<br />
+BY LINLEY SAMBOURNE.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I shall never forget the first occasion on which I saw the late Lord
+Russell. It was in the old days when the Law Courts were in
+Westminster,&mdash;and I, in search of "character," strangely enough found
+myself wandering about the Divorce Court, where so many characters are
+lost. It was a <i>cause célèbre</i>,&mdash;the divorce suit of a most
+distinguished Presbyterian cleric who charged his wife, the
+co-respondent being the stable-boy. Russell (then plain Mr.) was for the
+clergyman, and when I entered the crowded court, he was in the midst of
+his appeal <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[Pg 280]</a></span> to the jury, working himself up to a pitch of
+eloquence, appealing to all to look upon the saintly figure of the man
+of prayer (the plaintiff, who was playing the part by kneeling and
+clasping his hands), and asking the jury to scorn all idea of his client
+having any desire to free himself of his wife so as to marry his pretty
+governess, or cousin, or whomever it was suggested he most particularly
+admired. Russell had arrived at quoting Scripture,&mdash;he was at his best,
+austere, eloquent, persuasive, an orator, a gentleman, a great advocate,
+and as sanctimonious as his kneeling client.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img280.jpg" width="300" height="415" alt="THE LATE LORD RUSSELL." title="THE LATE LORD RUSSELL." />
+<span class="caption">THE LATE LORD RUSSELL, THE PRESIDENT OF THE TWO PINS CLUB.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>He was interrupted by someone handing him a telegram. As he opened it he
+said, waving it towards his client, "This may be a message from Heaven
+to that saint,&mdash;ah, gentlemen of the jury, the words so
+pure&mdash;so&mdash;so&mdash;&mdash;" (he reads the telegram).</p>
+
+<p>"D&mdash;&mdash;! D&mdash;&mdash;! D&mdash;&mdash;!" He crushed the telegram in his hand, and with an
+angry gesture threw it away. Although his words were drowned by the
+"laughter in Court," his gestures and face showed his chagrin and
+disgust. The Grand National had been run half-an-hour before.</p>
+
+<p>Years afterwards, on his own lawn at Tadworth, I told him of this
+incident, and asked him what the contents of that telegram were. He
+declared I was wrong, such an incident never occurred in his career. I
+convinced him I was right&mdash;it was the first time I saw him, and every
+detail was vividly impressed upon my memory. After dinner he came to me
+and said, "Furniss, I have been thinking over that incident. You are
+quite right&mdash;it has all come back to me. I lost my temper, I recollect,
+because I had wired to my boy over there to make a bet for me on an
+outsider at a long price; when at lunch, I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[Pg 281]</a></span> heard the horse had
+won. I was delighted, and therefore at my best when I addressed the
+jury. The telegram was from my boy to say that he forgot to put the
+money on!"</p>
+
+<p>Riding has caused my appearance in a Police Court, but not as a member
+of the Two Pins Club. In October, 1895, I was returning from my usual
+ride before breakfast, accompanied by my little daughter; we turned into
+the terrace in which we live, and our horses cantered up the hill about
+120 yards. As we were dismounting, a Police Inspector passed, addressing
+me by name, and in a most offensive tone declared that he would summon
+me, as I had been cautioned before for furious riding. This remark was
+so absolutely untrue that I met the summons, and the Inspector in the
+Court made three distinct statements on oath: That I spurred my horse
+(when cross-examined by me, he gave a minute description of my spurs);
+that I charged up the hill 250 yards at the rate of sixteen miles an
+hour; and that I had been cautioned before for the same thing. Now, I
+have never been cautioned in my life; the distance I went up the hill is
+120 yards, and no horse could get up any pace in that distance; and I do
+not wear spurs, although two constables swore I did.</p>
+
+<p>The magistrate, face to face with these three facts, looked the picture
+of misery. It was evident to him, as it must be evident to every
+fair-minded man, that the police were in the wrong. And when the
+magistrate was thinking out this dilemma, I made a fatal mistake. I gave
+my reason for appearing as a sacrifice on my part to show the magistrate
+the sort of evidence upon which poor cabmen and others are fined and
+made to suffer. The magistrate, Mr. Plowden, waxed very wroth, and as he
+could not punish me, and would not reprimand the police, I was asked to
+pay the costs of the summons, which was withdrawn. The late Mr. Montagu
+Williams, who sat in the Marylebone Police Court, the court in which I
+was charged with furious riding, gave it as his private opinion that the
+longer a policeman was in the service the less he could rely upon his
+word.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[Pg 282]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img282.jpg" width="400" height="455" alt="FURIOUS RIDING." title="FURIOUS RIDING." />
+<span class="caption">"FURIOUS RIDING."  SKETCH BY F. C. GOULD.<br />
+<i>From the "Westminster Gazette.</i>"</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>This case led to all sorts of trouble. I was assailed by people in the
+street, strangers to me, for "riding over children." Letters came from
+all sorts of societies&mdash;Cruelty to Animals, and other excellent
+institutions. I found people measuring the terrace; others riding up it
+to see if it were possible to get the pace (which it is not), but few
+knew the truth. The constable when I left the court remarked to me,
+"I'll tache ye to caricature Oirishmen in Parleymint!" However, I was
+repaid by the humour the incident gave rise to in the imagination of my
+brother workers on the Press. Mr. F. C. Gould made this capital sketch,
+and others portrayed my crime in verse. The following was written to me
+by one of London's most celebrated editors, and has never been published
+before:</p>
+
+
+<div class="blockquot1" style="margin-left: 16em; ">
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; clear: both; ">"H. Furniss was an artist gent<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Of credit and renown,<br /></span>
+Who'd ride a horse up Primrose Hill<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">With any man in town.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"The morn was fine as morn could be<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Upon last Thursday week,<br /></span>
+And, like the early morn, H. F.<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Was up before the beak.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"(Full little dreamed that worthy cit,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Some dozen mornings hence<br /></span>
+He would be 'up before the beak'<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">In quite another sense.)</span></p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[Pg 283]</a></span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Upon two tits of pranksome mood,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">The gallant Lika Joko<br /></span>
+And Likajokalina rode,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">'Desipere in loco.'</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'Cantare pares' rode the pair,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Ad equitatum nati,'<br /></span>
+But to a bobby's summons not<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">'Respondere parati.'</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"So 'appy rode the blithesome pair,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">They scoured the hill and plain,<br /></span>
+And warming with their morning's work,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Rode hotly home again.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"But by the slope of Primrose Hill<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">The rude Inspector Ross<br /></span>
+Beheld H. Furniss canter up<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Upon his foaming hoss.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'Look 'ere, young man,' says he to him,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">'There are some children dear<br /></span>
+That by the ridin' of you folk<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Do go in bod'ly fear.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'Your hasting steed pull up, I say!<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">S'welp me, draw your rein!<br /></span>
+The innocents abroad, young man,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Are frightened by you twain.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'Look at yer smokin' job 'oss 'ere&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">I seen you job 'is flank!<br /></span>
+'E's well nigh done&mdash;tyke 'im away,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">And back upon the rank.'</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"H. Furniss fixed him with his eye;<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">His brow was awful cross;<br /></span>
+He Kyrled his lip contemptuous-like<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">At this rude man of Ross.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'The spirit of my gallant cob,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Ruffian, you shall not squelch;<br /></span>
+I ride nor Scotch nor Irish hot,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">But Furniss-heated Welsh.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'Mine and my daughter's gentle pace<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Could not affright a foundling;<br /></span>
+Be off, and peep down areas, or<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Move on some harmless groundling!'</span></p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[Pg 284]</a></span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"The Inspector glared: 'Come, Mr. F.,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">We can't stand this no longer;<br /></span>
+I summons you to Marylebone'&mdash;<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">(He muttered something stronger).</span></p>
+
+<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" width="40%">
+  <tr>
+  <td style="width: 25%;">*</td>
+  <td style="width: 25%;">*</td>
+  <td style="width: 25%;">*</td>
+  <td style="width: 25%;">*</td>
+  <td>*</td>
+  </tr></table>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Good Mr. Plowden heard the charge,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">As two policemen swore it;<br /></span>
+Then heard H. Furniss' defence,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">And sagely pondered o'er it.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'The Inspector swears you galloped up;<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">You swear you merely trotted:<br /></span>
+My own opinion in this case<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Is, as usual, Gordian-knotted.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'Now Gordian knots were tied to be<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">By magistrates divided;<br /></span>
+We cut them&mdash;and the severed ends<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Do much as once the tied did.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'In this case, add the paces up,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">And then divide by two:<br /></span>
+A canter is the quotient;<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">I think that that should do.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'A sound decision that will please<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Both parties this I trust is;<br /></span>
+It is a fine distinction, but<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Avoids the fires of justice.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'You, Mr. Furniss, must disburse<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Two bob costs to my till,<br /></span>
+And promise me to try no more<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Primrose babes to kill.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'And all in Court, take warning by<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">The furious Canterer's fate,<br /></span>
+And go not up the Primrose path<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">At such an awful rate.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"'But if your sluggish livers you<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Must vigorously shake,<br /></span>
+"Vigor's Horse Exercise at Home"<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">(Vide Prospectus) take.'"</span></p>
+</div>
+
+<p>As a matter of fact, the magistrate did not look at the charge-sheet, or
+know me, or catch my name, or he might have made his usual joke at my
+expense in another way.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[Pg 285]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img285.jpg" width="300" height="234" alt="MY PORTRAIT, BY F. C. BURNAND." title="MY PORTRAIT, BY F. C. BURNAND." />
+<span class="caption">MY PORTRAIT, BY F. C. BURNAND.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Mr. Burnand and I rode a great deal together. Avoiding the Row, my
+editor preferred to ride to Hampstead, Harrow, or Mill Hill, calling for
+me on the way. Once, when I could not ride, he wrote: "Very sorry to
+hear of your being laid up with a cold; it shows what even the Wisest
+and Best amongst us are liable to. The idea is monstrous of a <i>Cold
+Furniss</i>. A <i>coal'd</i> furniss is satisfactory. Don't take too much out of
+yourself with riding. 'He speaks to thee who hath not got a
+horse'&mdash;Shakespeare." Then follows later a specimen of his irrepressible
+good humour:</p>
+
+
+<div class="blockquot1" style="margin-left: 16em; ">
+<p><span style="margin-left: 15em; clear: right; "><i>22 Nov.</i></span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Alas and alack!<br /></span>
+I've got a hack,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: -2em; ">But the weather's been such,<br /></span>
+I've not got on his back.</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"I got no jog<br /></span>
+Because of the fog,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">And up to twelve,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 2em; ">In breeches and boots,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Which I had to shelve<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 2em; ">And recover my foots.<br /></span>
+I lunched at the 'G'<br />
+(So there was, you see,<br />
+One <i>Gee</i> for me).</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Then I came back<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">And wrote some play<br /></span>
+But oh, good lack!<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">No riding to-day.<br /></span>
+If foggy here,<br />
+At Ramsgate 'twas clear.</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Alas and alack!<br /></span>
+I'll sell my hack,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Much to my sorrow.<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">I'll ride to-morrow,<br /></span>
+
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[Pg 286]</a></span>
+
+That is, if fine,<br />
+But not at nine.<br />
+<span style="margin-left: -2em; ">I shall not start, if I'm alive<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: -2em; ">And have the heart, till ten forty-five.</span></p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Away to parks I'll trot<br /></span>
+To get a little hot,<br />
+Also to get a little dirty,<br />
+And with you be 11.30.</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: -0.5em; ">"Till one,<br /></span>
+Then done.<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Back to Lunch,<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: 1em; ">Then to Office of <i>Punch</i>.<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: -2em; ">This my plan, you'll be happy to learn, is<br /></span>
+<span style="margin-left: -2em; ">At your disposal, Mr. Furniss."</span></p>
+</div>
+
+<p>But excursions in search of material my editor and I had to do on foot,
+and were not so pleasing; still, Mr. Burnand always managed to have his
+little joke in all circumstances.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 200px; ">
+<img src="images/img286.jpg" width="200" height="420" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>One day he and I were "doing" the picture shows in the interests of Mr.
+Punch. At one o'clock, feeling jaded and tired, a retreat to the Garrick
+Club to lunch was suggested. "Happy thought!" said my editor. "Better
+still, here is an invitation for two to the Exhibition of French Cookery
+at Willis's Rooms. Capital lunch there, I should think." So off we went,
+anticipating a <i>recherché</i> lunch. Fancy our chagrin on arrival to find
+cooks galore, discussing their art, but, alas! their art, like the high
+art of the Masters of the Brush in our National Gallery, was all under
+glass! Aggravatingly appetising, but absolutely uninteresting to the two
+hungry art critics. We soon were in a cab and at the Garrick. As we
+pulled up, the greatest <i>gourmet</i> of the Club, that clever actor, Arthur
+Cecil, greeted us:</p>
+
+<p>"Hallo, Frank, where have you two come from?"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, Arthur, <i>such</i> luck! Furniss and I have just had the most
+<i>recherché</i> lunch you could imagine."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[Pg 287]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"H'm&mdash;hullo&mdash;h'm&mdash;where? The deuce you have! Lucky dogs! Eh, what was it
+like?"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, you can see it for yourself; it's going on now at the French
+Cookery Exhibition in Willis's Rooms. Special invitation&mdash;ah, here's a
+ticket."</p>
+
+<p>"Thanks, old chap! what a treat! I'm off there! No, no; you fellows
+mustn't pay the cab&mdash;I'll do that. Here, driver&mdash;Willis's Rooms&mdash;look
+sharp!"</p>
+
+<p>Arthur Cecil undoubtedly was a quaint fellow and a clever actor, but he
+had an insatiable appetite. One would never have thought so, judging
+from appearance: his clever, clean-cut face, his small, thin figure,
+together with the little hand-bag he always carried, rather suggested a
+lawyer or a clergyman. His eccentricity was a combination of
+absent-mindedness and irritability. The latter failing, he told me,
+would at times take complete control of him: for instance, he had to
+leave a train before his journey was completed, as he felt it impossible
+to sit in the carriage and look at the alarm bell without pulling it. I
+have watched him seated in the smoking-room of the club we both
+attended, in which the star-light in the centre of the ceiling was
+shaded by a rather primitive screen of stretched tissue paper, gazing at
+it for half-an-hour at a time, and eventually taking all the coins out
+of his pocket to throw them one after another at the immediate object of
+his irritation. He frequently succeeded in penetrating the screen, the
+coins remaining on the top of it, to the delight of the astonished
+waiters.</p>
+
+<p>His eccentricity&mdash;perhaps I ought to say in this case his
+absent-mindedness&mdash;is illustrated by an incident which happened on the
+morning of the funeral of a great friend of his. As Cecil (his real name
+was Blount) was having his bath, he was suddenly inspired with some idea
+for a song; so, pulling his sponge-bath into the adjoining sitting-room
+closer to the piano, he placed a chair in it, and sat down to try it
+over. A friend, rushing in to fetch him to the funeral, found him so
+seated, singing and playing, balancing the dripping sponge on the top of
+his head.<br /><br /></p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[Pg 288]</a></span></p>
+
+<h3>THE CARICATURING OF PICTURES.</h3>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px; ">
+<img src="images/img288.jpg" width="500" height="559" alt="THE PICTURE SHOWS." title="THE PICTURE SHOWS." />
+<span class="caption">THE PICTURE SHOWS.<br />
+<i>Design from "Punch."</i></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>To feed upon one's own kind is a custom which, like so many other
+vestiges of a previous civilisation, seems in the present day to have a
+fair chance of revival. We have long had with us the City Cannibal, the
+Fleet Street Cannibal, the Dramatic, Literary and Musical Cannibals.
+Latterly the Society Cannibal has come more distinctly to the front.
+Then why, I long ago asked myself, should there not be the Cannibal of
+the etching pen and the brush? Especially as the writhing victims of
+those mighty instruments appear to be so enamoured of their fate as to
+besiege that comic slaughter-house, the studio of the caricaturist, and
+with persistent cries of "Eat us! eat us! Our turn next!" <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[Pg 289]</a></span> solicit the "favour of not being
+forgotten" in his next batch of "subjects."</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img289.jpg" width="400" height="532" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>It may be a revelation to many of my readers, but I can assure them it
+is a fact, that it is only in very exceptional cases that artists object
+to having their pictures caricatured. Indeed, many of the leading
+painters have given me to understand that the omission of their work
+from my sketches would be anything but agreeable to them, although, when
+the desired travesties of their pictures appear, they may pretend to be
+highly indignant. There is one Royal Academician of my acquaintance who
+has so keen an appreciation of humour that he never loses an opportunity
+of giving me a hint when his magnifying glass has detected the slightest
+element of the grotesque in a fellow artist's work. And that most
+amiable of men, the late Frank Holl, could never refrain, when occasion
+offered, from directing my attention to the humorous points of his
+sitters, although I need hardly add that no trace of his having
+perceived them was ever apparent in any of his works. Do artists object?
+Well, in <i>Punch</i>, May, 1889, du Maurier touches this point:</p>
+
+<p>"What our artist (the awfully funny one) has to put up with: <i>Brown</i>: 'I
+say, look here! What the deuce do you mean by caricaturing my
+pictures&mdash;hay?' <i>Jones</i>: 'Yes, confound you! and <i>not caricaturing
+mine</i>!'"</p>
+
+<p>I have even known artists so anxious to be parodied that, if <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[Pg 290]</a></span> they happened to have a vein of
+humour in their pencils, they would actually send me caricatures of
+their own pictures. Even poor Fred Barnard once sent me an admirable
+sketch, caricaturing an excellent portrait of his three children which
+he had painted for the Royal Academy, where it duly appeared. Others
+less humorously imaginative perhaps have written to me assuring me of
+the great pleasure which would have been theirs had they themselves
+conceived the idea which my caricature of their work supplied.</p>
+
+<p>Although, however, there are so few artists who object to having their
+pictures caricatured, there is, of course, another side to the question.
+It is indeed most true that nothing kills like ridicule, and in the
+course of my experience I have found it is just as easy unconsciously to
+inflict an injury with my pen and Indian ink as it is to do good. Let us
+suppose, for instance, that a great painter has just finished a very
+sentimental work&mdash;a picture so brimful of beauty and pathos that it
+appeals to everybody, myself included. As I stand before it, and admire,
+it is impossible perhaps for me to <span class="correction" title="originally restain">restrain</span> a sympathetic tear from
+making its appearance in, at all events, one of my eyes. But how about
+the other? Ah! with regard to that other eye, I must confess it is very
+differently employed, and, superior to my control, is searching the
+canvas high and low for that "something ridiculous" which, except in the
+case of the very greatest masters, is always there. Now what ensues? The
+purchaser of that picture, who, mark you, unlike myself, regarded it and
+admired it with <i>both</i> of his eyes, congratulates himself upon its
+acquisition. I have known it for a fact, however&mdash;to my regret&mdash;that
+after the publication of the caricature the purchaser was never able to
+look at his picture again through his own glasses, and bitterly
+regretted his outlay.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[Pg 291]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 580px; ">
+<img src="images/img291.jpg" width="580" height="918" alt="THE GREAT BACCARAT CASE." title="THE GREAT BACCARAT CASE." />
+<span class="caption">THE GREAT BACCARAT CASE.  MY SKETCH IN PENCIL MADE IN COURT, AND CONGRATULATORY NOTE FROM THE EDITOR OF <i>PUNCH</i>.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[Pg 292]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[Pg 293]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>An art publisher with whom I was acquainted agreed to pay a heavy sum
+for the copyright of a work of a well-known and popular painter, and
+after the caricature had appeared in <i>Punch</i> he resolved to forego the
+publication of the engraving from it by which he had hoped to recoup his
+expenditure, because he considered that the sobriety of the work was so
+completely destroyed as to preclude the possibility of sale; and an
+eminent sculptor, who was responsible for a well-known statue which I
+caricatured some years ago when it appeared in the Royal Academy, has
+told me, since it was put up in the Metropolis, that he has actually
+meditated replacing it by another piece, owing to the ludicrous
+suggestion affixed to it.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 400px; ">
+<img src="images/img293.jpg" width="400" height="631" alt="" title="" />
+<span class="caption"></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>On the other hand, the caricature of an important work is sometimes
+received in the proper spirit. Here is a letter from Professor Herkomer,
+with reference to my caricature of the work of our greatest art genius,
+Alfred Gilbert, R.A.:</p>
+
+<p>Of course, the caricaturing of pictures has its seamy as well as its
+smooth side. Among the annoyances to which an artist engaged on this
+description of work is exposed I am inclined to give a prominent place
+to the fussy and vexatious regulations imposed upon him by the
+authorities at Burlington House. One would have supposed, for instance,
+that anyone like myself, who is well-known as merely taking notes for
+caricature, would have been allowed to consult his own convenience to
+some extent in making his sketches. But not a bit of it. The <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[Pg 294]</a></span> penalty is something too dreadful
+if you are found making the slightest note of a picture at the Royal
+Academy at any other time than on the one appointed day. The object of
+this regulation is, of course, to protect the copyright of the
+pictures&mdash;a very proper and legitimate precaution; but I submit that a
+better instance of the spirit of Red Tapeism which is so rampant at
+Burlington House, and which I am always endeavouring to expose, could
+not be adduced than the inability of the officials to discriminate
+between the accredited representative of a paper and the piratical
+sketcher who is taking notes for an illegitimate purpose. I need hardly
+say that this regulation is peculiar to the Royal Academy. At the
+Grosvenor Gallery, which, alas! is no more, the officials about the
+place understood these matters better, and at all times were pleased to
+give every facility to the representative of the Press. The polite
+secretary would give up his chair to me any day I liked to look in, and
+would often point out to me some comical feature in the surrounding
+canvases which his sly humour had detected.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 200px; ">
+<img src="images/img294.jpg" width="200" height="320" alt="A PRISONER." title="A PRISONER." />
+<span class="caption">A PRISONER.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Equal praise must indeed be accorded to the management of the New
+Gallery and all the other Exhibitions with which I have been brought in
+contact in the course of my professional duties. Personally, as I have
+always made my notes at the Royal Academy on the authorised occasion, I
+have had nothing to fear from those who preside there. But my friend
+Linley Sambourne, who wished upon one occasion to caricature a picture
+of Burne-Jones' for a political cartoon in <i>Punch</i> (of course altering
+the figures and indeed everything else, so as not in any way to trench
+upon the great artist's copyright) was dogged by a detective, arrested,
+and finally thrown into the darkest dungeon beneath the Burlington House
+moat! Protest was useless. What his terror must have been my pen fails
+to describe. Visions of the thumbscrew, the rack, and all the tortures
+conceivable rose in the fertile imagination of my colleague, and <span class='pagenum'><a
+name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[Pg 295]</a></span> beads of perspiration made their
+appearance upon his massive brow. After weary hours, when lunch-time
+without the lunch had come and gone, and the pangs of hunger began to be
+added to his other miseries, when he was reflecting that his week's work
+for <i>Punch</i> was yet unfinished, that the engravers would be in despair
+at not having it in time, and that at that moment his editor was
+probably telegraphing to him all over London and instituting a search
+for his person all over his club, suddenly the bolts of his
+prison-chamber were withdrawn and his gaoler, the blood-thirsty tyrant
+Red Tape, allowed the genial artist to return to the bosom of his wife
+and family&mdash;not, however, without leaving a hostage behind him. The
+sketch&mdash;the guilty sketch&mdash;the cause of all his troubles, was detained.
+In vain the harassed artist explained to his grim Cerberus that the work
+was wanted for the next week's issue of <i>Punch</i>, and although as a
+matter of fact it duly appeared at the appointed time, Mr. Sambourne had
+to trust to his memory instead of to the courtesy and common sense of
+Burlington House for the reproduction of his skit.</p>
+
+<p>I remember another incident which will serve to illustrate the trials
+and misfortunes of the caricaturist when pursuing his vocation outside
+the walls of his studio. It was the opening day of the New Gallery, and
+as I draw my sketches of the pictures with an ordinary pen and liquid
+Indian ink direct, and have them afterwards, like all my drawings,
+photographed on wood and engraved&mdash;of late years they are reproduced by
+process engraving&mdash;I was holding my bottle of ink and my sketch-book in
+one hand, while my pen was busy with the other. Upon arriving very early
+in the morning I thought I must have made a mistake, and that I had
+entered a manufactory of hats, for the hall was almost entirely taken up
+with hat-boxes. Upon enquiry, however, I learned that these merely
+contained the new hats in which the directors would, later on, receive
+their visitors. When the hall began to fill, and the fashionable crowd
+was pouring in, I was standing in the central lobby, sketching away with
+a will, when my friend Sir William Agnew, always early to arrive on such
+occasions, happened to come up and soon interested me in conversation
+about the genius of Millais <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[Pg 296]</a></span> and the beauties of Burne-Jones.
+In my energetic manner I was debating a matter of some little interest
+when my eye caught that of Mr. Comyns-Carr, who, with his newly-selected
+hat on, was standing close by and regarding me with an expression of
+indescribable horror. "What is the matter with Carr?" I observed to
+Agnew; "surely Sargent should be here and hand down that expression to
+posterity." But when I followed his eyes as they passed sternly from
+mine to the floor, my hat nearly sprang off my head at the sight which I
+beheld! Forgetting that I held the bottle of ink in the hand with which
+I had been suiting the action to the word in my animated harangue to Sir
+William, I had splashed the virgin marble on which we were standing in
+all directions with hideous stains of the blackest of liquids. In my
+consternation I did not stay to see the incongruous figure of the
+charwoman and bucket who was immediately introduced amid the <i>élite</i> of
+fashionable London, but fled incontinently from the gallery and, rushing
+in where angels fear to tread, sought sanctuary in my accustomed haunt,
+the Gallery of the House of Commons. There at least I thought I should
+be safe. Presently, when I had somewhat recovered from my agitation, I
+was making my way out of the House when I encountered a friend in the
+Central Lobby. I was explaining to him the unfortunate <i>contretemps</i>
+which had occurred at the New Gallery, and utterly forgot that I still
+held the bottle of ink in my hand, and on the sacred floor we stood upon
+I had perpetrated the offence again!</p>
+
+<p>My only consolation for this chapter of accidents was that the
+particular ink in my bottle is different from the ordinary writing
+fluid, and leaves no stain behind it. It is in fact merely paint, and is
+innocent of gall. There are inks, as there are other forms of
+journalism, whose consequences are not so easily effaced or so harmless;
+but like the caricaturist's work itself, the material with which it is
+accomplished often looks blacker than it really is.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[Pg 297]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 720px; ">
+<img src="images/img297.jpg" width="720" height="450" alt="ORIGINAL IDEA AS SENT TO ME." title="ORIGINAL IDEA AS SENT TO ME." />
+<div class="caption">
+<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" width="80%">
+  <tr>
+  <td style="width: 50%;">ORIGINAL IDEA AS SENT TO ME.</td>
+  <td style="width: 50%;">MY DRAWING OF IT IN <i>PUNCH</i>.</td>
+  </tr></table>
+</div>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[Pg 298]</a></span></p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[Pg 299]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Fortunately all this happened previous to the introduction of the ink I
+use now, known as <i>Waterproof</i> ink&mdash;ink that will not <i>run</i> when washed
+over with water. The manufacturers of this article sent me a specimen
+bottle to experiment with, and asked me for my opinion of it. In
+replying, I sent the following note. The sketch was touched in to amuse
+my youngest boy, who was puzzled by the meaning of Waterproof ink. The
+makers, in acknowledging the note, asked me to mention the sum I would
+accept if, with my permission, they used the note and sketch I sent as
+an advertisement. I replied that they were welcome to use my note, but
+that I could not accept payment. However I received in a few days a
+large parcel of artists' materials: paints, sketch-books, brushes,
+pencils, &amp;c.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 450px; ">
+<img src="images/img299.jpg" width="450" height="747" alt="" title="" />
+<span class="caption"></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>This is more than I ever received for a better known advertisement: "I
+used your soap two years ago." I was never offered so much as a cake of
+soap from those who used my <i>Punch</i> sketch so freely! Permission was
+given for its use by the proprietors of <i>Punch</i>, not knowing I had any
+objection, and at the time I was ill with fever and unable to protest.
+The firm certainly paid me some years afterwards for the publication of
+the same advertisement for two insertions in a periodical I was
+starting, but only at the ordinary rate. I mention this fact as I have
+heard from friends all over the world that I received untold gold for
+the use of it, and as it has interested so many perhaps I may at the
+same time clear up another fallacy, which <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[Pg 300]</a></span> I did not know existed
+until I read Mr. Spielmann's "History of <i>Punch</i>." In that he refers to
+the very "oft-quoted drawing (lately used as an advertisement), the idea
+of which reached him from an anonymous correspondent. It is that of a
+grimy, unshaven, unwashed, mangy-looking tramp, who sits down to write,
+with a broken quill, a testimonial for a firm of soap-makers. A further
+point of interest about this famous sketch was that Charles Keene was
+deeply offended by it at first, in the groundless belief that it was
+intended as a skit upon himself. It must at least be admitted that the
+head is not unlike what one might have expected to belong to a
+dissipated and dilapidated Charles Keene." Poor Keene! How sorry I was
+to read this when too late to explain to him that he was never in my
+mind for a moment when I was drawing it! But, strange to say, the
+original who sat for it was a brother artist, another Charles, quite as
+delightful as Keene, equally clever in his own way, and my greatest
+friend&mdash;Charles Burton Barber, the animal painter, in appearance rather
+like Charles Keene, but nothing of the Bohemian about him, and a
+non-smoker! Still I am always being told that I had So-and-so in my eye
+when drawing the figure. I might in truth quote Sir John Tenniel's
+remark <i>à propos</i> of being accused of caricaturing his late comrade,
+Horace Mayhew, as the "White Knight" in "Alice in Wonderland": "The
+resemblance was purely accidental, a mere unintentional caricature,
+which his <i>friends</i>, of course, were only too delighted to make the most
+of." Ah, those <i>friends</i> are at the bottom of all these
+misunderstandings. I could a tale, or two, unfold, but that&mdash;that's
+another volume.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px; ">
+<img src="images/img300.jpg" width="300" height="289" alt="I SIT FOR JOHN BROWN." title="I SIT FOR JOHN BROWN." />
+<span class="caption">I SIT FOR JOHN BROWN.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[Pg 301]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Yes, poor Barber sat for the tramp, and I in return sat to him for a
+figure quite as incongruous in my case as the tramp was in his. I sat
+for John Brown for the picture Queen Victoria had commissioned of Mr.
+Brown surrounded by her pet dogs, which she had in her private room. She
+was so delighted with the picture that she had a replica made of it, and
+placed it in the passage outside, so that it was the first picture she
+looked at as she left her room. Barber's animals and children were
+delightful, but he was weak with his men, and was in trouble over John
+Brown's calves,&mdash;it was then that I posed for the "brawny Scott," but
+only for the portion here mentioned.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 450px; ">
+<img src="images/img301.jpg" width="450" height="446" alt="A CRIB BY AN AMERICAN ADVERTISER." title="A CRIB BY AN AMERICAN ADVERTISER." />
+<span class="caption">A CRIB BY AN AMERICAN ADVERTISER.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>This figure of the tramp in my sketch of "I used your soap two years
+ago" has in fact been mistaken for myself. A relative of my own, who has
+been living in the Cape for many years, paid a visit to London, and on
+his return informed his children that he had seen me and brought my
+portrait back with him. "Oh, we have Cousin Harry's portrait in our
+nursery for some time: one he has signed too." It was the Punch-Pears
+production in colour! I am sure I do not know how ridiculous stories are
+received as true, that I got a fabulous sum for the use of this one;
+that such-and-such a member of the staff gets a huge retaining fee, &amp;c.,
+and other inventions&mdash;one in particular. If I have met one, I have met a
+score of people at different times of my life who positively declared
+that they <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[Pg 302]</a></span> actually sent that ever famous line: "Punch's advice
+to those about to marry&mdash;Don't!" and received immediately remuneration
+in sums varying from £5 to £500. That joke was probably conceived and
+thrown in at the last moment, at the critical point when the editor is
+"making up" the paper.</p>
+
+<p>As I am writing these disjointed notes for family reading, it may
+perhaps not be out of place just to refer to the domestic relations of
+the staff of <i>Punch</i>. Our wives and families were invited to meet on the
+occasion of the Lord Mayor's procession, when they may have been
+observed upon the roof of the publishing office&mdash;till recently it was in
+Fleet Street&mdash;from which coign of vantage they had an excellent view of
+the civic show, afterwards having a capital lunch in a room on the first
+floor. Yet how much men who live on their wits owe to their domestic
+happiness! It is a pleasant fact to be able to chronicle that&mdash;I believe
+at all times&mdash;the domestic lives of the <i>Punch</i> staff have been most
+happy. It is rather curious that all of them have made the same kind of
+matrimonial selection&mdash;they have married "sensible wives," women who
+have all been sympathetic, devoted, bright, and domesticated. The wit at
+the dinner-table, the humorous writer or the caricaturist in the pages
+you read, is a very different dog at home. It must naturally be so. It
+is the reaction, and it is to such men that the woman possessed of tact
+and cheerfulness is invaluable. In truth, Punch's advice to those about
+to marry, "Don't!" has been disregarded by the majority of his members,
+in every case with the utmost satisfaction to themselves.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 250px; ">
+<img src="images/img302.jpg" width="250" height="364" alt="BRADBURY, AGNEW, &amp; CO. LD." title="BRADBURY, AGNEW, &amp; CO. LD." />
+</div>
+
+<p style="text-align: center; font-size: 60%; ">BRADBURY, AGNEW, &amp; CO. LD. PRINTERS, LONDON AND TONBRIDGE.<br /><br /><br /></p>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of a Caricaturist,
+Vol. 1 (of 2), by Harry Furniss
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@@ -0,0 +1,9674 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of a Caricaturist, Vol. 1
+(of 2), by Harry Furniss
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Confessions of a Caricaturist, Vol. 1 (of 2)
+
+Author: Harry Furniss
+
+Release Date: July 16, 2009 [EBook #29425]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CONFESSIONS OF A CARICATURIST ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Marius Borror and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: MY CARICATURE OF MR. GLADSTONE.]
+
+
+                             THE
+
+                CONFESSIONS OF A CARICATURIST
+
+                             BY
+
+                        HARRY FURNISS
+
+                        _ILLUSTRATED_
+
+
+                          VOLUME I
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+NEW YORK AND LONDON:
+
+HARPER & BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS.
+
+1902.
+
+
+
+
+BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO. LD., PRINTERS
+
+LONDON AND TONBRIDGE.
+
+[_All rights reserved._]
+
+December, 1901.
+
+
+
+
+                               PREFACE.
+
+
+If, in these volumes, I have made some joke at a friend's expense, let
+that friend take it in the spirit intended, and--I apologise beforehand.
+
+In America apology in journalism is unknown. The exception is the
+well-known story of the man whose death was published in the obituary
+column. He rushed into the office of the paper and cried out to the
+editor:
+
+"Look here, sur, what do you mean by this? You have published two
+columns and a half of my obituary, and here I am as large as life!"
+
+The editor looked up and coolly said, "Sur, I am vury sorry, I reckon
+there is a mistake some place, but it kean't be helped. You are killed
+by the _Jersey Eagle_, you are to the world buried. We nevur correct
+anything, and we nevur apologise in Amurrican papers."
+
+"That won't do for me, sur. My wife's in tears; my friends are laughing
+at me; my business will be ruined,--you _must_ apologise."
+
+"No, si--ree, an Amurrican editor nevur apologises."
+
+"Well, sur, I'll take the law on you right away. I'm off to my
+attorney."
+
+"Wait one minute, sur--just one minute. You are a re-nowned and popular
+citizen: the _Jersey Eagle_ has killed you--for that I am vury, vury
+sorry, and to show you my respect I will to-morrow find room for you--in
+the births column."
+
+Now do not let any editor imagine these pages are my professional
+obituary,--my autobiography. If by mistake he does, then let him place
+me immediately in their births column. I am in my forties, and there is
+quite time for me to prepare and publish two more volumes of my
+"Confessions" from my first to my second birth, and many other things,
+before I am fifty.
+
+[Illustration: Faithfully yours
+                         Harry Furniss]
+
+LONDON, 1901.
+
+     [The Author begs to acknowledge his indebtedness to the Proprietors
+     and the Editor of _Punch_, the Proprietors of the _Magazine of Art_,
+     the _Graphic_, the _Illustrated London News_, _English Illustrated
+     Magazine_, _Cornhill Magazine_, _Harper's Magazine_, _Westminster
+     Gazette_, _St. James' Gazette_, the _British Weekly_ and the _Sporting
+     Times_ for their kindness in allowing him to reproduce extracts and
+     pictures in these volumes.]
+
+
+
+
+                                 CONTENTS.
+
+
+  CHAPTER I.
+
+  CONFESSIONS OF MY CHILDHOOD--AND AFTER.
+
+  Introductory--Birth and Parentage--The Cause of my remaining a
+   Caricaturist--The Schoolboys' _Punch_--Infant Prodigies--As a
+   Student--I Start in Life--_Zozimus_--The Sullivan
+   Brothers--Pigott--The Forger--The Irish "Pathriot"--Wood
+   Engraving--Tom Taylor--The Wild West--Judy--Behind the
+   Scenes--Titiens--My First and Last Appearance in a Play--My Journey to
+   London--My Companion--A Coincidence                     _pp._ 1-29
+
+
+  CHAPTER II.
+
+  BOHEMIAN CONFESSIONS.
+
+  I arrive in London--A Rogue and Vagabond--Two Ladies--Letters of
+   Introduction--Bohemia--A Distinguished Member--My Double--A Rara
+   Avis--The Duke of Broadacres--The Savages--A Souvenir--Portraits of
+   the Past--J. L. Toole--Art and Artists--Sir Spencer Wells--John
+   Pettie--Milton's Garden                                 _pp._ 30-53
+
+
+  CHAPTER III.
+
+  MY CONFESSIONS AS A SPECIAL ARTIST.
+
+  The Light Brigade--Miss Thompson (Lady Butler)--Slumming--The Boat
+   Race--Realism--A Phantasmagoria--Orlando and the Caitiff--Fancy Dress
+   Balls--Lewis Wingfield--Cinderella--A Model--All Night Sitting--An
+   Impromptu Easel--"Where there's a Will there's a Way"--The American
+   Sunday Papers--I am Deaf--The Grill--The World's
+   Fair--Exaggeration--Personally Conducted--The Charnel House--10,
+   Downing Street--I attend a Cabinet Council--An Illustration by Mr.
+   Labouchere--The Great Lincolnshire Trial--Praying without Prejudice
+                                                           _pp._ 54-87
+
+  CHAPTER IV.
+
+  THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ILLUSTRATOR--A SERIOUS CHAPTER.
+
+  Drawing--"Hieroglyphics"--Clerical Portraiture--A Commission from
+   General Booth--In Search of Truth--Sir Walter Besant--James Payn--Why
+   Theodore Hook was Melancholy--"Off with his Head"--Reformers'
+   Tree--Happy Thoughts--Christmas Story--Lewis Carroll--The Rev. Charles
+   Lutwidge Dodgson--Sir John Tenniel--The Challenge--Seven Years'
+   Labour--A Puzzle MS.--Dodgson on Dress--Carroll on Drawing--Sylvie and
+   Bruno--A Composite Picture--My Real Models--I am very Eccentric--My
+   "Romps"--A Letter from du Maurier--Caldecott--Tableaux--Fine
+   Feathers--Models--Fred Barnard--The Haystack--A Wicket Keeper--A Fair
+   Sitter--Neighbours--The Post Office Jumble--Puzzling the
+   Postmen--Writing Backwards--A Coincidence               _pp._ 88-130
+
+
+  CHAPTER V.
+
+  A CHAT BETWEEN MY PEN AND PENCIL.
+
+  What is Caricature?--Interviewing--Catching
+   Caricatures--Pellegrini--The "Ha! Ha!"--Black and White _v._
+   Paint--How to make a Caricature--M.P.'s--My System--Mr. Labouchere's
+   Attitude--Do the Subjects Object?--Colour in Caricature--Caught!--A
+   Pocket Caricature--The Danger of the Shirt-cuff--The Danger of a
+   Marble Table--Quick Change--Advice to those about to Caricature
+                                                           _pp._ 131--153
+
+
+  CHAPTER VI.
+
+  PARLIAMENTARY CONFESSIONS.
+
+  Gladstone and Disraeli--A Contrast--An unauthenticated Incident--Lord
+   Beaconsfield's last Visit to the House of Commons--My Serious
+   Sketch--Historical--Mr. Gladstone--His Portraits--What he thought of
+   the Artists--Sir J. E. Millais--Frank Holl--The Despatch
+   Boxes--Impressions--Disraeli--Dan O'Connell--Procedure--American
+   Wit--Toys--Wine--Pressure--Sandwich Soiree--The G.O.M. dines with
+   "Toby, M.P."--Walking--Quivering--My Desk--An Interview--Political
+   Caricaturists--Signature in Sycamore--Scenes in the Commons--Joseph
+   Gillis Biggar--My Double--Scenes--Divisions--Puck--Sir R.
+   Temple--Charles Stewart Parnell--A Study--Quick Changes--His
+   Fall--Room 15--The last Time I saw him--Lord Randolph Churchill--His
+   Youth--His Height--His Fickleness--His Hair--His Health--His
+   Fall--Lord Iddesleigh--Sir Stafford and Mr. Gladstone--Bradlaugh--His
+   Youth--His Parents--His Tactics--His Fight--His Extinction--John
+   Bright--Jacob Bright--Sir Isaac Holden--Lord Derby--A Political
+   Prophecy--A Lucky Guess--My Confession in the _Times_--The Joke that
+   Failed--The Seer--Fair Play--I deny being a Conservative--I am
+   Encouraged--Chaff--Reprimanded--Misprinted--Misunderstood
+                                                           _pp._ 154--214
+
+
+  CHAPTER VII.
+
+  "PUNCH."
+
+  Two _Punch_ Editors--_Punch's_ Hump--My First _Punch_ Dinner--Charles
+   Keene--"Robert"--W. H. Bradbury--du Maurier--"Kiki"--A Trip to the
+   Place of his Birth--He Hates Me--A Practical Joke--du Maurier's
+   Strange Model--No Sportsman--Tea--Appollinaris--My First
+   Contribution--My Record--Parliament--Press Gallery Official--I Feel
+   Small--The "Black Beetle"--Professor Rogers--Sergeant-at-Arms'
+   Room--Styles of Work--Privileges--Dr. Percy--I Sit in the Table--The
+   Villain of Art--The New Cabinet--Criticism--_Punch's_ Historical
+   Cartoons--Darwen MacNeill--Scenes in the Lobby--A Technical
+   Assault--John Burns's "Invention"--John Burns's Promise--John Burns's
+   Insult--The Lay of Swift MacNeill--The Truth--Sir Frank
+   Lockwood--"Grand Cross"--Lockwood's Little Sketch--Lockwood's Little
+   Joke in the House--Lockwood's Little Joke at Dinner--Lewis Carroll and
+   _Punch_--Gladstone's Head--Sir William's
+   Portrait--Ciphers--Reversion--_Punch_ at Play--Three _Punch_ Men in a
+   Boat--Squaring up--Two Pins Club--Its One Joke--Its One Horse--Its
+   Mystery--Artistic Duties--Lord Russell--Furious Riding--Before the
+   Beak--Burnand and I in the Saddle--Caricaturing Pictures for
+   _Punch_--Art under Glass--Arthur Cecil--My Other Eye--The Ridicule
+   that Kills--Red Tape--_Punch_ in Prison--I make a Mess of
+   it--Waterproof--"I used your Soap two years ago"--Charles
+   Keene--Charles Barber--_Punch's_ Advice--_Punch's_ Wives
+                                                           _pp._ 215--302
+
+[Illustration: HARRY FURNISS'S (EGYPTIAN STYLE). _From "Punch."_]
+
+
+
+
+                         LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.
+
+
+                                                                    PAGE
+  My Caricature of Mr. Gladstone                           _Frontispiece_
+
+  Initial "In." Writing my Confessions. A Visitor's Snapshot           1
+
+  My Mother                                                            3
+
+  My Father                                                            5
+
+  Harry Furniss, aged 10                                               6
+
+  A Caricature, made when a Boy (never published). Dublin Exhibition.
+      Portrait of Sir A. Guinness (now Lord Iveagh) in centre         11
+
+  An Early Illustration on Wood by Harry Furniss.  Partly Engraved
+      by him.                                                         16
+
+  Sketches in Galway                                                  19
+
+  "Judy," the Galway Dwarf                                            23
+
+  Phelps, the first Actor I saw                                       24
+
+  Mrs. Hardcastle. Mr. Harry Furniss. From an Early Sketch            25
+
+  Caricature of Myself, drawn when I first arrived in London          30
+
+  Age 20                                                              35
+
+  A successful "Make-Up"                                              36
+
+  Two Travellers                                                      38
+
+  The Duke of "Broadacres"                                            40
+
+  Savage Club House Dinner. From a Sketch by Herbert Johnson          41
+
+  The Earl of Dunraven as a Savage                                    42
+
+  "Another Gap in Our Ranks"                                          43
+
+  "Jope"                                                              43
+
+  H. J. Byron                                                          44
+
+  A Presentation                                                      45
+
+  Savage Club. My Design for the Menu, 25th Anniversary Dinner        47
+
+  "Savages"                                                           50
+
+  Letter from Sir Spencer Wells                                       51
+
+  Distress in the Black Country                                       54
+
+  At the Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race                               55
+
+  As Special at the Balaclava Celebration                             57
+
+  Distress in the North                                               59
+
+  Realism!                                                            61
+
+  "The Caitiff" and Orlando                                           62
+
+  An Invitation                                                       63
+
+  At a Fancy Dress Ball                                               65
+
+  Lewis Wingfield as a Street Nigger Home from the Derby              67
+
+  "The Liberal Candidate"                                             68
+
+  Sketches at the Liverpool Election: A Ward Meeting                  69
+
+  My Easel. Drawing Mr. Gladstone at a Public Meeting                 71
+
+  The American Sunday Papers                                          72
+
+  Major Handy                                                         74
+
+  The World's Fair, Chicago. A "Special's" Visit                      75
+
+  "On dashed the Horses in their wild Career"                         77
+
+  Initial "A"                                                         79
+
+  The Charnel-House. Chicago World's Fair                             80
+
+  Initial "London"                                                    83
+
+  The Bishop of Lincoln's Trial                                       85
+
+  Initial "If"                                                        88
+
+  Majuba Hill                                                         89
+
+  Canon Liddon. A Sketch from Life                                    92
+
+  Letter from Sir Walter Besant                                       94
+
+  The Late Sir Walter Besant                                          95
+
+  The "Jetty"                                                         95
+
+  Illustration for "The Talk of the Town"                             96
+
+  "That's just what I have done!"                                     98
+
+  Specimen of James Payn's Writing                                    99
+
+  The Typical Lovers in Illustrated Novels                           100
+
+  Initial "T"                                                        101
+
+  Instructions in a Letter from Lewis Carroll                        103
+
+  Specimen of Lewis Carroll's Drawing and Writing                    106
+
+  Original Sketch by Lewis Carroll of his Charming Hero and Heroine  107
+
+  Lewis Carroll's Note to me or a Pathetic Picture                   108
+
+  Sylvie and Bruno. My Original Drawing for Lewis Carroll            110
+
+  I Go Mad!                                                          111
+
+  From Lewis Carroll                                                 112
+
+  "I do want a Wicket-keeper!"                                       113
+
+  Portion of Letter from Lawrence, age 9                             114
+
+  Reduction from a Design for my "Romps"                             115
+
+  Portion of a Letter from George du Maurier                         117
+
+  A Transformation                                                   119
+
+  "Yours always, Barnard"                                            119
+
+  Barnard and the Models                                             120
+
+  "I sit for 'Ands, Sir"                                             121
+
+  The Grand Old Hand and the Young 'Un                               122
+
+  My Fighting Double                                                 124
+
+  Specimen of Mr. Linley Sambourne's Envelopes to me                 125
+
+  Cheque for 5-1/2d. passed through two Banks and paid. I signed it
+      _backwards_, and it was cancelled by Clerk _backwards_         127
+
+  Sir Henry Irving writes his Name backwards                         128
+
+  Sir Henry Irving's Attempt                                         128
+
+  Mr. J. L. Toole's first Attempt                                    128
+
+  Mr. J. L. Toole's second Attempt                                   128
+
+  Autograph: Harry Furniss                                           129
+
+  Initial "If"                                                       131
+
+  The Studio of a Caricaturist                                       132
+
+  Caricature of me by my Daughter, age 15                            134
+
+  A serious Portrait--from Life                                      135
+
+  Initial "H"                                                        136
+
+  "Penguin"                                                          139
+
+  Mr. Brown, Ordinary Attire. Court Dress                            139
+
+  Two Portraits                                                      140
+
+  A Caricature                                                       140
+
+  _Not_ a Caricature                                                 140
+
+  The Editor of _Punch_ sits for his Portrait                        144
+
+  A Model unawares and the Result                                    145
+
+  Sketch on a Shirt-Cuff                                             146
+
+  "Mundella"                                                         147
+
+  Mr. Labouchere                                                     149
+
+  The M.P. Real and Ideal                                            150
+
+  The Photo. As he really is                                         151
+
+  "Dizzy" (Beaconsfield) and Gladstone                               154
+
+  The Inner Lobby of the House of Commons                            156
+
+  Explanation to Illustration on page 156                            157
+
+  Lord Beaconsfield. A Sketch from Life                              158
+
+  The last Visit of Lord Beaconsfield to the House                   161
+
+  Mr. Gladstone. A Sketch from Life                                  163
+
+  Mr. Gladstone "under his Flow of Eloquence"                        165
+
+  Mr. Gladstone. Conventional Portrait                               167
+
+  Caricature of the Holl Portrait                                    169
+
+  Note of Mr. Gladstone made in the Press Gallery with the wrong
+      end of a Quill Pen                                             171
+
+  Invitation to a "Sandwich Soiree"                                  173
+
+  Mr. Gladstone sits on the Floor                                    174
+
+  The Fragment of _Punch_ Mr. Gladstone did not see                  175
+
+  The Gladstone Matchbox                                             176
+
+  Mr. Gladstone's Collars                                            178
+
+  Parnell                                                            179
+
+  To Room 15                                                         182
+
+  Outside Room 15                                                    183
+
+  Outside my Room                                                    185
+
+  "The G.O.M." and "Randy"                                           185
+
+  Mr. Louis Jennings                                                 186
+
+  Lord Randolph and Louis Jennings                                   188
+
+  Lord Randolph Churchill                                            189
+
+  Behind the Speaker's Chair                                         190
+
+  Initial "S"                                                        191
+
+  Initial "H"                                                        193
+
+  Bradlaugh Triumphant. _From "Punch"_                               194
+
+  Charles Bradlaugh                                                  195
+
+  The Meet at St. Stephen's                                          197
+
+  Sir George Campbell                                                199
+
+  Heraldic Design illustrating Mr. Plunkett's (now Lord Rathmore)
+      Joke                                                           201
+
+  Mr. Farmer Atkinson                                                202
+
+  I must Introduce you to Lucy. Here he is                           203
+
+  Joseph Gillis Biggar                                               204
+
+  Initial "I"                                                        206
+
+  The House of Commons from Toby's Private Box                       208
+
+  The Government Bench--before Home Rule                             211
+
+  Reduction of one of my Parliamentary Pages in _Punch_              214
+
+  Initial "T"                                                        215
+
+  Age 26, when I first worked for _Punch_                            216
+
+  My first Meeting with the Editor of _Punch_                        217
+
+  My first Invitation from _Punch_                                   218
+
+  A Letter from Charles Keene, objecting to an Editor interviewing
+       him                                                           219
+
+  "Robert"                                                           220
+
+  George du Maurier                                                  221
+
+  Suggestion by du Maurier for _Punch_ Cartoon                       224
+
+  Du Maurier's Souvenir de Fontainebleau. _From "Punch_"             225
+
+  _Punch_ Staff returning from Paris                                 227
+
+  Japanese Style                                                     229
+
+  "Birch--His Mark"                                                  231
+
+  Chinese Style. From a Drawing on Wood                              232
+
+  Familiar Faces                                                     234
+
+  An Official in the Press Gallery                                   235
+
+  "He spies me"                                                      236
+
+  "What are you?"                                                    236
+
+  "Blowed if the Country wants you"                                  238
+
+  "I feel smaller!"                                                  241
+
+  The Black Beetle                                                   242
+
+  The Sergeant-at-Arms' Room                                         243
+
+  Capt. Gosset, late Sergeant-at-Arms                                244
+
+  My "Childish" Style in _Punch_                                     245
+
+  A simple Document                                                  246
+
+  I Sketch the House                                                 247
+
+  Dr. Percy. "The House Up"                                          250
+
+  Mr. Punch's Puzzle-Headed People. Mr. Goschen                      251
+
+  Mr. Punch's Puzzle-Headed People. "All Harcourts"                  252
+
+  The New Cabinet                                                    255
+
+  Reduction of Page in _Punch_, showing that my Caricatures were--in
+      this case--published too large                                 258
+
+  Reduction from the Original Drawing, showing that I gave
+      Instructions for the Caricature to be "reduced as usual"       259
+
+  What really happened                                               261
+
+  Dr. Tanner                                                         262
+
+  Assault on me in the House. What the Press described               263
+
+  John Burns                                                         265
+
+  Note from Sir Frank Lockwood, after reading the Bogus Account of
+      the "Assault"                                                  266
+
+  Letter supposed to come from Lord Cross. (Lockwood's Joke)         267
+
+  Sir F. Lockwood      269
+
+  Lewis Carroll's Suggestion, and my sketch of it in _Punch_         270
+
+  Nature's Puzzle Portrait                                           271
+
+  Initial "W"                                                        272
+
+  "Three Oarsmen under a Tree"                                       273
+
+  Lord Russell's Acceptance to dine with me                          275
+
+  "It's your Turn next"                                              277
+
+  Letter from Sir Frank Lockwood                                     277
+
+  Mr. Linley Sambourne                                               278
+
+  Portrait of me as a Member of the Two Pins Club, by Linley
+       Sambourne                                                     279
+
+  The late Lord Russell, the President of the Two Pins Club          280
+
+  "Furious Riding." Sketch by F. C. Gould                            282
+
+  My Portrait, by F. C. Burnand                                      285
+
+  Mr. Punch "doing" the Picture Shows                                286
+
+  The Picture Shows. Design from _Punch_                             288
+
+  "The World-Renowned and Talented Barnardo Family"                  289
+
+  The Great Baccarat Case. My Sketch in Pencil made in Court, and
+       Congratulatory Note from the Editor of _Punch_                291
+
+  Letter from Professor Herkomer                                     293
+
+  A Prisoner                                                         294
+
+  "Good Advertisement." Original Idea as sent to me                  297
+
+  Ditto. My Drawing of it in _Punch_                                 297
+
+  "English Waterproof Ink"                                           299
+
+  I sit for John Brown                                               300
+
+  A Crib by an American Advertiser                                   301
+
+  Finis                                                              302
+
+
+
+
+                       CONFESSIONS OF A CARICATURIST.
+
+
+
+
+                                CHAPTER I.
+
+CONFESSIONS OF MY CHILDHOOD--AND AFTER.
+
+  Introductory--Birth and Parentage--The Cause of my remaining a
+   Caricaturist--The Schoolboys' _Punch_--Infant Prodigies--As a Student--I
+   Start in Life--_Zozimus_--The Sullivan Brothers--Pigott--The Forger--The
+   Irish "Pathriot"--Wood Engraving--Tom Taylor--The Wild
+   West--Judy--Behind the Scenes--Titiens--My First and Last Appearance in
+   a Play--My Journey to London--My Companion--A Coincidence.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+In offering the following pages to the public, I should like it to be
+known that no interviewer has extracted them from me by the thumbscrew
+of a morning call, nor have they been wheedled out of me by the caresses
+of those iron-maidens of literature, the publishers. For the most part
+they have been penned in odd half-hours as I sat in my easy-chair in the
+solitude of my studio, surrounded by the aroma of the post-prandial
+cigarette.
+
+I would also at the outset warn those who may purchase this work in the
+expectation of finding therein the revelations of a caricaturist's
+Chamber of Horrors, that they will be disappointed. Some day I may be
+tempted to bring forth my skeletons from the seclusion of their
+cupboards and strip my mummies, taking certain familiar figures and
+faces to pieces and exposing not only the jewels with which they were
+packed away, but all those spicy secrets too which are so relished by
+scandal-loving readers.
+
+At present, however, I am in an altogether lighter and more genial vein.
+My confessions up to date are of a purely personal character, and like a
+literary Liliputian I am placing myself in the hand of that colossal
+Gulliver the Public.
+
+I may, it is true, in the course of my remarks be led to retaliate to
+some extent upon those who have had the hardihood to assert that all
+caricaturists ought, in the interest of historical accuracy, to be
+shipped on board an unseaworthy craft and left in the middle of the
+Channel, for the crime of handing down to posterity distorted images of
+those now in the land of the living. This I feel bound to do in
+self-defence, as well as in the cause of truth, for to judge by the
+biographical sketches of myself which continually appear and reach me
+through the medium of a press-cutting agency, caricaturists as
+distorters of features are not so proficient as authors as distorters of
+facts.
+
+I think it best therefore to begin by giving as briefly as possible an
+authentic outline of my early career.
+
+For the benefit of anyone who may not feel particularly interested in
+such details, I should mention that the narration of this plain
+unvarnished tale extends from this line to page 29.
+
+I was born in Ireland, in the town of Wexford, on March 26th, 1854. I do
+not, however, claim, to be an Irishman. My father was a typical
+Englishman, hailing from Yorkshire, and not in his appearance only, but
+in his tastes and sympathies, he was an unmistakable John Bull. By
+profession he was a civil engineer, and he migrated to Ireland some
+years before I was born, having been invited to throw some light upon
+that "benighted counthry" by designing and superintending the erection
+of gas works in various towns and cities.
+
+My mother was Scotch. My great-great-grandfather was a captain in the
+Pretender's army at Culloden, and had a son, Angus, who settled in
+Aberdeen. When AEneas MacKenzie, my grandfather, was born, his family
+moved south and settled in Newcastle-on-Tyne. A local biographer writes
+of him: "A man who by dint of perseverance and self-denial acquired more
+learning than ninety-nine in a hundred ever got at a university--an
+accomplished and most trustworthy writer. The real founder of the
+Newcastle Mechanics' Institute, and the leader of the group of
+Philosophical Radicals who made not a little stir in the North of
+England at the beginning of the last century." He was not only a
+benevolent, active member of society and an ardent politician (Joseph
+Cowen received his earliest impressions from him--and never forgot his
+indebtedness), but the able historian of Northumberland, Durham, and of
+Newcastle itself, a town in which he spent his life and his energies. If
+I possess any hereditary aptitude for journalism, it is to him I owe it;
+whilst to my mother, who at a time when miniature painting was
+fashionable, cultivated the natural artistic taste with much success, I
+am directly indebted for such artistic faculties as are innate in me.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+My family moved from Wexford to Dublin when I was ten. It is pleasant to
+know they left a good impression. In Miss Mary Banim's account of
+Ireland I find the following reference to these aliens in Wexford, which
+I must allow my egotism to transcribe: "Many are the kindly memories
+that remain in Wexford of this warm-hearted, gifted family, who are said
+not only to be endowed with rare talents, but, better still, with those
+qualities that endear people to those they meet in daily intercourse."
+The flattering adjectives with which the remarks about myself are
+sandwiched prevent my modest nature from quoting any more. However, as
+one does not remember much of that period of their life before they
+reach their teens I need not apologise for quoting from the same work
+this reference to me at that age:
+
+"One who was his playmate--he is still a young man--describes Mr.
+Furniss as very small of stature, full of animation and merriment,
+constantly amusing himself and his friends with clever[!] reproductions
+of each humorous character or scene that met his eye in the
+ever-fruitful gallery of living art--gay, grotesque, pathetic, even
+beautiful--that the streets and outlets of such a town as Wexford
+present to a quick eye and a ready pencil."
+
+I can appreciate the fact that at that early age I had an eye for the
+"pathetic, and even beautiful," but, alas! I have been misunderstood
+from the day of my birth. I used to sit and study the heavens before I
+could walk, and my nurse, a wise and shrewd woman, predicted that I
+should become a great astronomer; but instead of the works of Herschel
+being put into my hands, I was satiated with the vilest comic toy books,
+and deluged with the frivolous nursery literature now happily a thing of
+the past. At odd times my old leaning towards serious reflection and
+ambition for high art come over me, but there is a fatality which dogs
+my footsteps and always at the critical moment ruins my hopes.
+
+It is indeed strange how slight an incident may alter the whole course
+of one's life, as will be seen from the following instance, which I
+insert here although it took place some years after the period to which
+I am now alluding.
+
+The scene was Antwerp, to which I was paying my first visit, and where I
+was, like all artists, very much impressed and delighted with the
+cathedral of the quaint old place. The afternoon was merging into
+evening as I entered the sacred building, and the broad amber rays of
+the setting sun glowed amid the stately pillars and deepened the shadowy
+glamour of the solemn aisles. As I gazed on the scene of grandeur I felt
+profoundly moved by the picturesque effect, and the following morning
+discovered me hard at work upon a most elaborate study of the beautiful
+carved figures upon the confessional boxes. I had just laid out my
+palette preparatory to painting that picture which would of course make
+my name and fortune, when a hoarse and terribly British guffaw at my
+elbow startled me, and turning round I encountered some acquaintances to
+whom the scene seemed to afford considerable amusement. One of them was
+good enough to remark that to have come all the way to Antwerp to find a
+caricaturist painting the confessional boxes in the cathedral was
+certainly the funniest thing he had ever heard of, and thereupon
+insisted upon dragging me off to dine with him, a proposition to which I
+immediately assented, feeling far more foolish than I could possibly
+have looked. I may add that as the sun that evening dipped beneath the
+western horizon, so vanished the visions of high art by which I had been
+inspired, and thus it is that Michael Angelo Vandyck Correggio Raphael
+Furniss lies buried in Antwerp Cathedral. Strangely enough I came across
+the following paragraph some years afterwards: "The guides of Antwerp
+Cathedral point out a grotesque in the wood carving of the choir which
+resembles almost exactly the head of Mr. Gladstone, as depicted by Harry
+Furniss."
+
+[Illustration: MY FATHER.]
+
+My earliest recollections are altogether too modern to be of much
+interest. Crimean heroes were veterans when they, as guests at my
+father's table, fought their battles o'er again. The _Great Eastern_
+steamship was quite an old white elephant of the sea when I, held up in
+my nurse's arms, saw Brunel's blunder pass Greenore Point. I was hardly
+eligible for "Etons" when our present King was married. When first taken
+to church I was most interested, as standing on tiptoe on the seat in
+our square family pew, and peering into the next pew, I saw a young
+governess, at that moment the most talked-of woman in Great Britain, the
+niece of the notorious poisoner Palmer. She had just returned from the
+condemned cell, having made that scoundrel confess his crime, and there
+was more pleasure in the sight than in listening to the good old Rector
+Elgee who had christened me, or in seeing his famous daughter the
+poetess "Speranza," otherwise known as Lady Wilde.
+
+In the newspaper shop windows--always an attraction to me--the coloured
+portrait of Garibaldi was fly-blown, the pictures of the great fight
+between Sayers and Heenan were illustrations of ancient history, and in
+the year I was born _Punch_ published his twenty-sixth volume.
+
+[Illustration: HARRY FURNISS, AGED 10.]
+
+Leaving Wexford before the railway there was opened, my parents removed
+to the metropolis of Ireland, and I went to school in Dublin at the age
+of twelve. It was at the Wesleyan Connexional School, now known as the
+Wesleyan College, St. Stephen's Green, that I struggled through my first
+pages of Caesar and stumbled over the "pons asinorum," and here I must
+mention that although the Wesleyan College bears the name of the great
+religious reformer, a considerable number of the boys who studied
+there--myself included--were in no way connected with the Wesleyan body.
+I merely say this because I have seen it stated more than once that I am
+a Wesleyan, and as this little sketch professes to be an authentic
+account of myself, I wish it to be correct, however trivial my remarks
+may seem to the general reader. It is in the same spirit that I have
+disclaimed the honour of being an Irishman.
+
+Once upon a time, when I was a very little boy, I remember being very
+much impressed by a heading in my copybook which ran: "He who can learn
+to write, can learn to draw." Now this was putting the cart before the
+horse, so far as my experience had gone, for I could most certainly draw
+before I could write, and had not only become an editor long before I
+was fit to be a contributor, but was also a publisher before I had even
+seen a printing press. In fact, I was but a little urchin in
+knickerbockers when I brought out a periodical--in MS. it is true--of
+which the ambitious title was "The Schoolboys' _Punch._" The ingenuous
+simplicity with which I am universally credited by all who know me now
+had not then, I fancy, obtained complete possession of me. I must have
+been artful, designing, diplomatic, almost Machiavellian; for anxious to
+curry favour with the head master of my school, I resolved to use the
+columns of "The Schoolboys' _Punch_" not so much in the interest of the
+schoolboy world as to attract the head master's favourable notice to the
+editor.
+
+Accordingly, the first cartoon I drew for the paper was specially
+designed with this purpose in view, and I need scarcely say it was
+highly complimentary to the head master. He was represented in a
+Poole-made suit of perfectly-fitting evening dress, and the trousers, I
+remember, were particularly free from the slightest wrinkle, and must
+have been extremely uncomfortable to the wearer. This tailorish
+impossibility was matched by the tiny patent boots which encased the
+great man's small and exquisitely moulded feet. I furnished him with a
+pair of dollish light eyes, with long eyelashes carefully drawn in, and
+as a masterstroke threw in the most taper-shaped waist.
+
+The subject of the picture, I flattered myself, was selected with no
+little cleverness and originality. A celebrated conjuror who had
+recently exposed the frauds of the Davenport Brothers was at the moment
+creating a sensation in the town where the school was situated, and from
+that incident I determined to draw my inspiration. The magnitude of the
+design and the importance of the occasion seemed to demand a
+double-paged cartoon. On one side I depicted a hopelessly scared little
+schoolboy, not unlike myself at the time, tightly corded in a cabinet,
+which represented the school, with trailing Latin roots, heavy Greek
+exercises, and chains of figures. The door, supposed to be closed on
+this distressing but necessary situation, is observed in the opposite
+cartoon to be majestically thrown open by the beaming and consciously
+successful head master, in order to allow a young college student, the
+pink of scholastic perfection, to step out, loaded with learning and
+academical honours.
+
+"Great events from little causes spring!"--great, at least, to me. So
+well was my juvenile effort received, that it is not too much to say it
+decided my future career. Had my subtle flattery taken the shape of a
+written panegyric upon the head master in lieu of a cartoon, it is
+possible that I might, had I met with equal success, have devoted myself
+to journalism and literature; but from that day forward I clung to the
+pencil, and in a few years was regularly contributing "cartoons" to
+public journals, and practising the profession I have ever since
+pursued.
+
+Drawing, in fact, seemed to come to me naturally and intuitively. This
+was well for me, for small indeed was the instruction I received. I
+recollect that a German governess, who professed, among other things, to
+teach drawing, undertook to cultivate my genius; but I derived little
+benefit from her unique system, as it consisted in placing over the
+paper the drawing to be copied, and pricking the leading points with a
+pin, after which, the copy being removed, the lines were drawn from one
+point to another. The copies were of course soon perforated beyond
+recognition, and, although I warmly protested against this sacrilege of
+art, she explained that it was by that system that Albert Duerer had been
+taught. This, of course, accounts for our having infant prodigies in
+art, as well as music and the drama. The rapidity with which Master
+Hoffmann was followed by infantile Lizsts and little Otto Hegner as soon
+as it became apparent that there was a demand for such phenomena, seems
+to indicate that in music at all events supply will follow demand as a
+matter of course, and if the infant artist can only be "crammed" in
+daubing on canvas as youthful musicians are in playing on the piano,
+then perhaps a new sensation is in store for the artistic world, and we
+shall see babies executing replicas of the old masters, and the Infant
+Slapdash painter painting the portraits of Society beauties. As a
+welcome relief to Chopin's Nocturne in D flat, played by Baby Hegner at
+St. James's Hall, we shall step across to Bond Street and behold "Le
+Petit Americain" dashing off his "Nocturne" on canvas. I sometimes
+wonder if I might have been made such an infant art prodigy, but when I
+was a lad public taste was not in its second childhood in matters of art
+patronage, nor was the forcing of children practised in the same manner
+as it is nowadays.
+
+Naturally enough I did not altogether escape the thraldom of the
+drawing-master, and as years went on I made a really serious effort to
+study at an art school under the Kensington system, which I must confess
+I believe to be positively prejudicial to a young artist possessing
+imagination and originality. The late Lord Beaconsfield made one of his
+characters in "Lothair" declare that "critics are those who have failed
+in literature and art." Whether this is true as to the art critics, or
+that the dramatic critic is generally a disappointed playwright, it must
+in truth be said that drawing-masters are nearly always those who have
+failed in art. I can remember one gentleman who was the especial terror
+of my youth. I can see him now going his rounds along the chilly
+corridor, where, perhaps, one had been placed to draw something "from
+the flat." After years and years of practice at this rubbish, he would
+halt beside you, look at your work in a perfunctory manner, and with a
+dexterity which appalled you until you reflected that he had been doing
+the same thing exactly, and nothing else, for perhaps a decade, he would
+draw in a section of a leaf, and if, as in my case, you happened to have
+a pretty sister attending the ladies' class in the school, he would add
+leaf to leaf until your whole paper was covered with his mechanical
+handiwork, in order to have a little extra conversation with you,
+although, I need scarcely add, it was not exclusively confined to the
+subject of art.
+
+This sort of thing was called "instruction in freehand drawing," and had
+to be endured and persisted in for months and months. Freehand! Shade of
+Apelles! What is there free in squinting and measuring, and feebly
+touching in and fiercely rubbing out a collection of straggling
+mechanical pencil lines on a piece of paper pinned on to a hard board,
+which after a few weeks becomes nothing but a confused jumble of
+fingermarks?
+
+Had I an Art School I would treat my students according to their
+individual requirements, just as a doctor treats his patients. I am led
+here to repeat what I have already observed in one of my lectures, that
+for the young the pill of knowledge should be silver-coated, and that
+while they are being instructed they should also be amused. In other
+words, interest your pupils, do not depress them. Giotto did not begin
+by rigidly elaborating a drawing of the crook of his shepherd's staff
+for weeks together; his drawings upon the sand and upon the flat stones
+which he found on the hillsides are said to have been of the picturesque
+sheep he tended, and all the interesting and fascinating objects that
+met his eye. Then, when his hand had gained practice, he was able to
+draw that perfect circle which he sent to the Pope as a proof of his
+command of hand. But the truth is that we begin at the wrong end, and
+try to make our boys draw a perfect circle before they are in love with
+drawing at all. For my part, I had to endure some weeks of weary
+struggling with a cone and ball and other chilly objects, the effect of
+which was to fill my mind with an overwhelming sense of the dreariness
+of art education under the Kensington system. A short time, therefore,
+sufficed to disgust me with the Art School, and I preferred to stay at
+home caricaturing my relatives, educating myself, and practising alone
+the rudiments of my art.
+
+[Illustration: A CARICATURE, MADE WHEN A BOY (NEVER PUBLISHED). DUBLIN
+EXHIBITION. PORTRAIT OF SIR A. GUINNESS (NOW LORD IVEAGH) IN CENTRE.]
+
+Early in my teens, however, I was invited to join the Life School of the
+Hibernian Academy, as there happened to be a paucity of students at that
+institution, and in order to secure the Government grant it was
+necessary to bring them up to the required number. But here also there
+was no idea of proper teaching. Some fossilised member of the Academy
+would stand about roasting his toes over the stove. A recollection of a
+fair specimen of the body still haunts me. He used to roll round the
+easels, and you became conscious of his approaching presence by an
+aroma of onions. I believe he was a landscape painter, and saw no more
+beauty in the female form divine than in a haystack. It was his custom
+to take up a huge piece of charcoal and come down upon one of your
+delicately drawn pencil lines of a figure with a terrible stroke about
+an inch wide.
+
+"There, me boy," he would exclaim, "that's what it wants," and walk on,
+leaving you in doubt upon which side of the line you had drawn he
+intended his alteration to come.
+
+I soon decided to have my own models and study for myself, and this
+practice I have maintained to the present day. I really don't know what
+Mrs. Grundy would have said if she had known that at this early age I
+was drawing Venuses from the life, instead of tinting the illustrations
+to "Robinson Crusoe" or "Gulliver's Travels" in my playroom at home.
+
+Few imagine that a caricaturist requires models to draw from. Although I
+will not further digress at this point, I may perhaps be pardoned if I
+return later on in this book to the explanation of my _modus
+operandi_--a subject which, if I may judge from the number of letters I
+receive about it, is likely to prove of interest to a large number of my
+readers.
+
+It was when I was still quite a boy that my first great chance came.
+Being in Dublin, I was asked one day by my friend the late Mr. A. M.
+Sullivan to make some illustrations for a paper called _Zozimus_, of
+which he was the editor and founder. As a matter of fact, _Zozimus_ was
+the Irish _Punch_. Mr. Sullivan, who was a Nationalist, and a man of
+exceptional energy and ability, began life as an artist. He came to
+Dublin, I was told, as a very young man, and began to paint; but the
+sails of his ships were pronounced to be far too yellow, the seas on
+which the vessels floated were derided as being far too green, while the
+skies above them were scoffed at as being far too blue. In these adverse
+circumstances, then, the artist soon drifted into journalism, and,
+inducing his brothers to join him in his new venture, thenceforth took
+up the pen and abandoned the brush. Each member of the family became a
+well-known figure in Parliamentary life. Mr. T. D. Sullivan, the poet of
+the Irish Party, is still a well-known figure in the world of politics;
+but my friend Mr. A. M. Sullivan, who died some years ago, belonged
+rather to the more moderate _regime_ which prevailed in the Irish Party
+during the leadership of Mr. Butt.
+
+At the time when I first made his acquaintance he was the editor and
+moving spirit of the _Nation_. It was a curious office, and I can recall
+many whom I first met there who have since come more or less prominently
+to the front in public life. There was Mr. Sexton, whom my friend "Toby"
+has since christened "Windbag Sexton" in his Parliamentary reports. Mr.
+Sexton then presided over the scissors and paste department of the
+journals owned by Mr. A. M. Sullivan, and, unlike the posing orator he
+afterwards became, was at that early stage of his career of a very
+modest and retiring disposition. Mr. Leamy also, I think, was connected
+with the staff, while Mr. Dennis Sullivan superintended the sale of the
+papers in the publishing department.
+
+But the central figure in the office was unquestionably the editor and
+proprietor, Mr. A. M. Sullivan. His personality was of itself
+remarkable. Possessed of wonderful energy and nerve, he was a confirmed
+teetotaller, and his prominent eyes, beaming with intelligence, seemed
+almost to be starting from his head as, intent upon some project, he
+darted about the office, ever and anon checking his erratic movements to
+give further directions to his subordinates, when he had a funny habit
+of placing his hand on his mouth and blowing his moustache through his
+fingers, much to the amusement of his listeners, and to my astonishment,
+as I stood modestly in a corner of the editorial sanctum observing with
+awe the great Mr. Sexton, who, amid the distractions of scissors and
+paste, would drawl out a sentence or two in a voice strongly resembling
+the sarcastic tones of Mr. Labouchere.
+
+In another part of the office sat Mr. T. D. Sullivan, the poet
+aforesaid, who, like his brother, is a genial and kindly man at heart,
+although possessing the volcanic temperament characteristic of his
+family. There he sat--a poet with a large family--his hair dishevelled,
+his trousers worked by excitement halfway up his calves, emitting
+various stertorous sounds after the manner of his brother, as he
+savagely tore open the recently-arrived English newspapers. Such was the
+interior of the office of the _Nation_, the representative organ of the
+most advanced type of the National Press of Ireland.
+
+But _Zozimus_, the paper to which I was then contributing, had nothing
+in common with the rest of the publications issuing from that office. It
+was of a purely social character, and was a praiseworthy attempt to do
+something of a more artistic nature than the coarsely-conceived and
+coarsely-executed National cartoons which were the only specimens of
+illustrative art produced in Ireland. Fortunately for me, there was an
+effort made in Dublin just then to produce a better class of
+publications, and the result was that I began to get fairly busy,
+although it was merely a wave of artistic energy, which did not last
+long, but soon subsided into that dead level of mediocrity which does
+not appear likely to be again disturbed.
+
+I was now in my seventeenth year, and, intent on making as much hay as
+possible the while the sun shone, I accepted every kind of work that was
+offered me; and a strange medley it was. Religious books, medical works,
+scientific treatises, scholastic primers and story books afforded in
+turn illustrative material for my pencil. One week I was engaged upon
+designs for the most advanced Catholic and Jesuitical manuals, and the
+next upon similar work for a Protestant prayer-book. At one moment it
+seemed as if I were destined to achieve fame as an artist of the
+ambulance corps and the dissecting-room. One of my earliest
+dreams--which I attribute to the fact that my eldest brother, with whom
+I had much in common, was a doctor--had been to adopt the medical
+profession. Curiously enough, my brother also had a taste for
+caricaturing, and, like the illustrious John Leech in his medical
+student days, he was wont to embellish his notes in the hospital
+lecture-room with pictorial _jeux d'esprit_ of a livelier cast than
+those for which scope is usually afforded by the discourses of the
+learned Mr. Sawbones.
+
+I remember that about this period a leading surgeon was anxious that I
+should devote myself to the pursuit of this anything but pleasant form
+of art, and seriously proposed that I should draw and paint for him some
+of his surgical cases. I accepted his offer without hesitation, and,
+burning to distinguish myself as an anatomical expert with the brush, I
+gave instruction to our family butcher to send me, as a model to study
+from, a kidney, which was to be the acme of goriness and as repulsive in
+appearance as possible. Of this piece of uncooked meat I made a quite
+pre-Raphaelite study in water-colours, but so realistic was the result
+that the effect it had upon me was the very antithesis to what I
+anticipated, disgusting me to such an extent that I not only declined to
+pursue further anatomical illustration, but for years afterwards was
+quite unable to touch a kidney, although I believe that had I selected a
+calf's head or a sucking-pig for my maiden effort in this direction, I
+might by now have blossomed into a Rembrandt or a Landseer.
+
+[Illustration: AN EARLY ILLUSTRATION ON WOOD BY HARRY FURNISS. PARTLY
+ENGRAVED BY HIM.]
+
+Amongst other incidents which occurred during this period of my life was
+one which it now almost makes me shudder to think of. I was commissioned
+by no less a personage than the late Mr. Pigott, of Parnell Commission
+notoriety, to illustrate for him a story of the broadest Irish humour.
+Little did I think when I entered his office in Abbey Street, Dublin,
+and had an interview with the genial and pleasant-looking little man
+with the eye-glass, that he would one day play so prominent a _role_ in
+the Parliamentary drama, or that the weak little arm he extended to me
+was destined years afterwards to be the instrument of a tragedy. I can
+truly say, at all events, my recollection as a boy of sixteen of the
+great _Times_ forger is by no means unfavourable, and he dwells in my
+memory as one of the most pleasant and genial of men. I ought, perhaps,
+to say that in feeling I was anything but a Nationalist, because in
+Ireland, generally speaking, you must be either black or white. But like
+a lawyer who takes his brief from every source, I never studied who my
+clients were when they required my juvenile services.
+
+Although I was not of Irish parentage and did not lean towards
+Nationalism in politics, it was necessary to sympathise now and then
+with the down-trodden race. For instance, I remember that one evening a
+respectable-looking mechanic called at my fathers house and requested to
+see me. His manner was strange and mysterious, and as he wanted to see
+me alone, I took him into an anteroom, where, with my hand on the door
+handle and the other within easy distance of the bell, I asked the
+excitable-looking stranger the nature of his business. Pulling from his
+pocket a roll of one-pound Irish bank-notes, he thrust them into my
+hand, and besought me at the same time not to refuse the request he was
+about to make. An idea flashed through my mind that perhaps he had seen
+me coming out of the offices of the National Press, and had jumped to
+the conclusion that I could therefore be bought over to perpetrate some
+terrible political crime. I even imagined that in the roll of notes I
+should find the knife with which the fell deed had to be done. Seeing
+that I shrank from him, he seized hold of my arm, and, in a most
+pitiable voice, said:
+
+"Don't, young sorr, refuse me what I am about to ask you. I'm only a
+working man, but here are all my savings, which you may take if you will
+just dhraw me a picter to be placed at the top of a complete set of
+photographs of our Irish leaders. I want Britannia at the head of the
+group, a bastely dhrunken old hag, wid her fut on the throat of the
+beautiful Erin, who is to be bound hand and fut wid chains, and being
+baten and starved. Thin I want prisons at the sides, showing the grand
+sons of Ould Oireland dying in their cells by torture, whilst a fine
+Oirish liberator wid dhrawn sword is just on the point of killing
+Britannia outright, and so saving his disthressful country."
+
+About this time someone had been good enough to inform me that all black
+and white artists are in the habit of engraving their own work, and,
+religiously believing this, I duly provided myself with some engraving
+tools, bought some boxwood, a jeweller's eye-glass, and a sand bag,
+without which no engraver's table can be said to be complete.
+
+Then, setting to work to practise the difficult art, I struggled on as
+best I could, until one fine day a professional engraver enlightened me
+upon the matter. I need scarcely say he went into fits of laughter when
+I told him that every artist was expected to be a Bewick, and he pointed
+out to me that not only do artists as a rule know very little about
+engraving, but in addition they have often only a limited knowledge of
+how to draw for engravers.
+
+However, thinking I should better understand the difficulties of drawing
+for publishers if I first mastered the technical art of reproduction,
+with the assistance of the engraver aforesaid I rapidly acquired
+sufficient dexterity with the tools to engrave my own drawings, and this
+I continued to do until I left Dublin, at the age of nineteen. Since
+then I have never utilised one of my gravers, except to pick a lock or
+open a box of sardines. Nor is this to be wondered at, considering that
+one can make a drawing in an hour which takes a week to engrave, and
+that an engraver may take five guineas for his share of the work whilst
+an artist may get fifty. There is very little doubt, therefore, as to
+the reason why artists who can draw refrain from engraving their own
+work.
+
+[Illustration: SKETCHES IN GALWAY.
+_Republished by permission of the proprietors of the "Illustrated London
+News."_]
+
+In the studio of the engraver to whom I have above referred there hung a
+huge map of London, and as I used to pore over it I took many an
+imaginary walk down Fleet Street, many a canter in the Row, and many a
+voyage to Greenwich on a penny steamboat, before I bade adieu to "dear
+dirty Dublin" in the year 1873, and, as many have done before me,
+arrived in the "little village" in search of fame and wealth.
+
+Just prior to my leaving Ireland for the land of my parents I met no
+less an editor than Tom Taylor, who was then the presiding genius of the
+_Punch_ table, and he gave me every encouragement to hasten my
+migration. He, however, had just returned from the wilds of Connemara,
+and before setting my face in the direction of Holyhead he strongly
+advised me also to pay a visit to the trackless wastes of the Western
+country, for the purpose of committing to paper the lineaments of the
+natives indigenous to the soil. This I did a week or so before quitting
+the land of my birth, and the sketches I made upon that occasion formed
+part of my stock-in-trade when I arrived in London.
+
+After making the accompanying page of studies, I strolled along the bank
+of the river; and while sketching some men breaking stones an incident
+happened which first aroused me to the fact that the lot of the
+sketching artist is not always a happy one. A fiend in human shape--an
+overbearing overseer--came up at the moment, and roundly abused the
+poor labourers for taking the "base Saxon's" coin. Inciting them to
+believe that I was a special informer from London, he laughed on my
+declaring that I was merely a novice, and informed me that I ought to be
+"dhrounded." He was about to suit the action to the word and pitch me
+into the salmon-stuffed river when he was stopped by the mediation of my
+models, and I escaped from the grip of the agitator. In due course I
+found myself in the Claddagh, a village of mud huts, which formed the
+frontispiece by John Leech to "A Little Tour in Ireland" by "An
+Oxonian," "a village of miserable cabins, the walls of mud and stone,
+and for the most part windowless, the floors damp and dirty, and the
+roofs a mass of rotten straw and weeds." Pigs and fowls mixed up with
+boats and fish refuse. Women old, dried and ugly; girls young, dark, of
+Spanish type, scantily dressed in bright-coloured short garments, all
+tattered and torn; and children grotesque beyond description. I sketch
+three members of one family clothed (!) in the three articles of attire
+discarded by their father--one claimed the coat, another the trousers,
+whilst the third had only a waistcoat. No doubt Leech had seen the same
+sixteen years before, when he was there; and if "the Oxonian," who
+survives him--Canon Hole, of Rochester--were to make another little tour
+in Ireland, he would find the Claddagh still a spot to give an
+Englishman "a new sensation." All I can say is, that having escaped a
+"dhrouning" in the river when in Galway in 1873, I have visited many
+countries and seen much filth and misery, but I have seen nothing
+approaching the sad squalor of the wild West of Ireland.
+
+The majority of those I sketched were hardly human. Tom Taylor was
+right--"I would find such characters there not to be found in all the
+world over," and I haven't. The people got on my overstrung youthful
+nerves. I left the country the moment I had sufficient material for my
+sketches. I had shaken off the unpleasant feeling of being murdered in
+the river. I had survived living a week or two in the worst inns in the
+world. I had risked typhoid and every other disease fostered by the
+insanitary surroundings--for I had to hide myself in narrow turnings and
+obnoxious corners so as to sketch unseen, as the religion of the natives
+opposed any attempt to have themselves "dhrawn," believing that the
+destruction of their "pictur'" would be fatal to their souls! I had
+sketched the famous house in Deadman's Lane--and listened as I sketched
+it, in the falling shades of night, to the old, old story of
+Fitz-Stephen the Warden, who had lived there, and had in virtue of his
+office to assist at the hanging of his own son. And, when in the dark I
+was strolling back to my hotel, my reflections were suddenly interrupted
+by something powerful seizing me in a grip of iron round my leg. I was
+held as in a vice, and could hardly move, by what--a huge dog--a wolf?
+No, something heavier; something more hideous; something clothed! As I
+dragged it under a lamp I saw revealed a huge head, covered by a black
+skull cap--a man's head--a dwarf, muttering in Irish something I could
+not understand--except one word, "Judy! Judy! Judy!" It was a woman of
+extraordinary strength thus clasped on to me. I dragged her to the hotel
+door, where I engaged an interpreter in the shape of the "boots," and
+made a bargain with "Judy" to release me on my giving her one shilling,
+and to sit to me for this sketch for half-a-crown. I have still a lively
+recollection of the vice-like grip.
+
+[Illustration: "JUDY," THE GALWAY DWARF.]
+
+My friend who had introduced me to the editor of _Punch_ was a prominent
+city official, and entertainer in chief of all men of talent from
+London, and was also, like Tom Taylor, an author and dramatist; and when
+I was a boy I illustrated one of his first stories. He also introduced
+me behind the scenes at the old Theatre Royal. I recollect my boyish
+delight when one day I was on the stage during the rehearsal of the
+Italian opera. Shall I ever forget that treat? It was much greater in my
+eyes than the real performance later on. If my memory serves, "Don
+Giovanni" was the opera. One of the principals was suddenly taken ill,
+and this rehearsal was called for the benefit of the understudy. He was
+a dumpy, puffy little Italian, and played the heavy father. Madame
+Titiens was--well--the heavy daughter. In the first scene she has to
+throw herself upon her prostrate father. This is the incident I saw
+rehearsed: the little fat father lay on the dusty stage, with one eye on
+the O.P. side. As soon as the massive form of Titiens bore down upon him
+he rolled over and over out of the way. This pantomime highly amused all
+of us, the ever-jovial Titiens in particular, and she again and again
+rushed laughingly in, but with the same result.
+
+The first actor I ever saw perform was Phelps, in "The Man of the
+World." If anything could disillusionise a youth regarding the romance
+of the theatre, that play surely would. Be it to my credit that my
+first impression was admiration for a fine--if dull--performance. From
+that day I have been a constant theatre-goer. If I am to believe the
+following anecdote, published in a Dublin paper a few years ago, I "did
+the theatre in style," and had an early taste which I did not possess
+for making jokes.
+
+"The jarvey drove Harry Furniss, when a boy, down to the old Theatre
+Royal, Dublin. On the way there Jehu enquired of the budding artist
+whether it was true that the roof was provided with a tank whence every
+part of the building could be deluged, shower-bath fashion, if
+necessary. 'Yes,' replied Raphael junior; 'and, you see, I always bring
+an umbrella in case of fire.'"
+
+[Illustration: PHELPS, THE FIRST ACTOR I SAW.]
+
+I may confess that I have only once appeared in theatricals, and that
+was in high comedy as a member of the Dublin Amateur Theatrical Society.
+The play was "She Stoops to Conquer," and I took the part
+of--think!--_Mrs._ Hardcastle. I was only seventeen, and very small for
+my age, so I owe any success I may have made to the costumier and
+wig-maker. The Tony Lumpkin was so excellent that he adopted the stage
+as his profession, and became a very popular comedian; and our Diggory
+is now a judge--"and a good judge too"--in the High Court.
+
+It was on a bright, breezy morning late in July, 1873, I shook the dust
+of "dear dirty Dublin" off my feet. With the exception of the Welsh
+railways, the Irish are notoriously the slowest in the world, and on
+that particular morning the mail train seemed to my impatient mind to
+progress pig-ways. The engine was attached to the rear of the train and
+faced the station, so that when it began to pull it was only the
+"parvarsity in the baste" caused it to go in the opposite direction,
+towards Kingstown, in an erratic, spasmodic, and uncertain fashion, so
+that the eight miles journey seemed to me eighty. It was quite a tedious
+journey to Salthill and Blackrock. At the latter station I saw for the
+last time the porter famous for being the slave of habit. For years it
+had been his duty to call out the name of the station, "Blackrock!
+Blackrock! Blackrock!" In due course he was removed to Salthill station,
+on the same line, and well do I remember how he puzzled many a Saxon
+tourist by his calling out continually, "Blackrock--Salthill-I-mane!
+Blackrock--Salthill-I-mane!" No doubt the traveller put this chronic
+absent-mindedness down to "Irish humour." I must confess that I agree in
+a great measure with the opinion of the late T. W. Robertson (author of
+"Caste," "School," &c.), that the witticisms of Irish carmen and others
+are the ingenious inventions of Charles Lever, Samuel Lover, William
+Carleton, and other educated men.
+
+[Illustration: MRS. HARDCASTLE. MR. HARRY FURNISS, FROM AN EARLY
+SKETCH.]
+
+Dickens failed to see Irish humour, or in fact to understand what was
+meant by it. So when he was on tour with his readings a friend of mine,
+who was his host, in the North, undertook to initiate him into the
+mysteries of Irish wit. As a sample he gave Dickens the following: A
+definition of nothing,--a footless stocking without a leg. This conveyed
+nothing whatever to the mind of the greatest of English humourists; but
+when my friend took him to a certain spot and showed him a wall built
+round a vacant space, and explained to him that the native masons were
+instructed to build a wall round an old ruined church to protect it, and
+pulled down the church for the material to build the wall, he laughed
+heartily, and acknowledged the Irish had a sense of humour after
+all,--if not, a quaint absence of it.
+
+To me so-called Irish wit is a curious combination not wholly dependent
+on humour, and frequently unconscious. There is a story that when Mr.
+Beerbohm Tree arrived in Dublin he was received by a crowd of his
+admirers, and jumping on to a car said to his jarvey, "Splendid
+reception that, driver!"
+
+The jarvey thought a moment, and replied, "Maybe ye think so, but
+begorrah, it ain't a patch on the small-pox scare!" Was that _meant_?
+
+The poor Saxon "towrist"--what he may suffer in the Emerald Isle! There
+is a story on record of three Irishmen rushing away from the race
+meeting at Punchestown to catch a train back to Dublin. At the moment a
+train from a long distance pulled up at the station, and the three men
+scrambled in. In the carriage was seated one other passenger. As soon as
+they had regained their breath, one said:
+
+"Pat, have you got th' tickets?"
+
+"What tickets? I've got me loife; I thought I'd have lost that gettin'
+in th' thrain. Have you got 'em, Moike?"
+
+"Oi, begorrah, I haven't."
+
+"Oh, we're all done for thin," said the third. "They'll charge us roight
+from the other soide of Oireland."
+
+The old gentleman looked over his newspaper and said:
+
+"You are quite safe, gintlemen; wait till we get to the next station."
+
+They all three looked at each other. "Bedad, he's a directhor,--we're
+done for now entoirely."
+
+But as soon as the train pulled up the little gentleman jumped out and
+came back with three first-class tickets. Handing them to the astonished
+strangers, he said, "Whist, I'll tell ye how I did it. I wint along the
+thrain--'Tickets plaze, tickets plaze,' I called, and these belong to
+three Saxon towrists in another carriage."
+
+On the morning I left Ireland to seek my fortune in London I had a
+youthful notion that, once on the mainland of my parents' country, St.
+Paul's and the smoke of London would be visible; but we had passed
+through the Menai tunnel, grazed Conway Castle walls, and skirted miles
+of the Welsh rock-bound coast, and yet no St. Paul's was visible to my
+naked eye which was plastered against the window-pane of the carriage.
+The other eye, clothed and in its right mind, inspected the carriage and
+discovered that there were two other occupants--a lady and her maid.
+These interesting passengers had recovered from the effects of the
+Channel passage, and were eating their lunch. The lady politely offered
+me some sandwiches. "No, thanks," I replied; "I shall lunch in London."
+This reminds me of a story I heard when I was in America, of two young
+English ladies arriving at New York. They immediately entered the
+Northern Express at the West Central. About 7 o'clock in the evening
+they arrived at Niagara--half an hour or so is given to the passengers
+to alight and look at the wonderful Falls. The gentleman who told me the
+story informed me that as the two ladies were getting back into the
+carriage he asked them if they were going to dine at once. They,
+ignorant of the vastness of the "gre--e--at country Amuraka," replied,
+"Oh, no, thanks, we are going to dine with our friends when we arrive.
+It can't be long now, we have been travelling so fast all the day!"
+
+"And may I ask, young ladies, where your friends live?"
+
+"We are going to an uncle who has been taken suddenly ill in San
+Francisco."
+
+These young ladies would have had to wait certainly five days for their
+dinner,--I only five hours.
+
+The strange lady and I conversed a great deal on various topics. By
+degrees she discovered that I was a young artist, friendless, and on his
+way to the great city to battle with fortune. I may have told her of my
+history, of my youthful ambitions and my professional plans,--anyway she
+told me of hers, and, while her maid was lazily slumbering, she
+confessed to me her troubles.
+
+"My story," she said, "is a sad one. I am of good family, and I married
+a well-known professional London man. He turned out to be a gambler, and
+ran through my money, and I returned to my parents. I have left them
+this morning again, and, like you, I am now on my way to London to
+start in life, and if possible make my own living. You see my appearance
+is not altogether unprepossessing" (she was tall, singularly handsome, a
+refined woman of style) ... I bowed ... "Well, I am also fortunate in
+having a good voice, it is well-trained, and I am going to London to
+sing as a paid professional in the houses in which I have formerly been
+a guest."
+
+I sympathised with her, and she continued, weeping, to relate to me
+events of her unhappy married life until we arrived at Euston. I saw her
+and her maid into a four-wheeler, and I saw their luggage on the top.
+She gave me her card with her parents' address in London written on it,
+and requested that I would write to her at that address, as she would
+like to hear how I got on in London. I never saw her again. But I did
+write home, and found there was such a lady, her family were well-known
+society people in Ireland, and that her marriage had not been a happy
+one.
+
+After three years in London I ran over to Ireland to see my parents. On
+my return I seemed to miss the charming companion of my journey over the
+same ground three years previously. Two uninteresting men were in the
+carriage: a typical German professor on tour, and communicative; and a
+typical English gentleman, uncommunicative. As the journey was a long
+one the German smoked, ate and drank himself to sleep, and after some
+hours the other man and I exchanged a word. The fact is I thought I knew
+his face,--I told him so. He thought he knew mine. "Had we gone to
+school together?" "No." He was at least ten years my senior. It happened
+he had been to school with my half-brother (my father was married
+twice,--I am the youngest son of his second family). We chatted freely
+about each other's family and on various topics, including the sleeping
+Teuton in the corner. I incidentally mentioned my last journey. The lady
+interested him, so I told him of the way in which she confessed to me. I
+waxed eloquent over her wrongs. He got still more excited as I described
+her husband as she described him to me; and as the train rolled into
+Euston, he said, "Well, you know who I am, I know who you are,--I'll
+tell you one thing more: that woman's story is perfectly true--I'm her
+husband!"
+
+That was one of the most extraordinary coincidences which ever happened
+to me. Three years after meeting the wife, over the same journey, at the
+same time of the year, I meet the husband; and I had never been the
+journey in the meantime.
+
+
+
+
+                               CHAPTER II.
+
+BOHEMIAN CONFESSIONS.
+
+  I arrive in London--A Rogue and Vagabond--Two Ladies--Letters of
+   Introduction--Bohemia--A Distinguished Member--My Double--A Rara
+   Avis--The Duke of Broadacres--The Savages--A Souvenir---Portraits
+   of the Past--J. L. Toole--Art and Artists--Sir Spencer Wells--John
+   Pettie--Milton's Garden.
+
+
+I did not make my appearance in London with merely the proverbial
+half-crown in my pocket, nor was I breathlessly expectant to find the
+streets paved with gold. Thanks chiefly to my savings in Dublin, my
+balance at my bankers' was sufficient to keep me for at least a year,
+and as soon as the editors returned from their summer holidays I was
+fortunate enough to procure commissions, which have been pouring in
+pretty steadily ever since.
+
+[Illustration: CARICATURE OF MYSELF, DRAWN WHEN I FIRST ARRIVED IN
+LONDON.]
+
+It was with a strange feeling that I found myself for the first time in
+London, among four millions of people, with not one of whom I could
+claim acquaintance, and I think it will not be out of place if I here
+offer a hint which may possibly be of use to other young men who are
+placed in similar circumstances. Upon first coming to the metropolis,
+then, let them invariably act, in as much as it is possible, as if they
+were Londoners old and seasoned. To stand gazing at St. Paul's with
+mouth agape and eyes astare, or to enquire your way to the National
+Gallery or Madame Tussaud's, is a sure means of finding yourself ere
+long in the hands of the unscrupulous and designing. For my part, as I
+took my first admiring peep at the masterpiece of Sir Christopher, I
+whistled to myself with an air of nonchalance, and as I passed down
+Fleet Street I made a point of nodding familiarly to the passers-by as
+if I were already a frequent _habitue_ of the thoroughfare of letters.
+Did I find myself accosted by any particularly ingenuous stranger asking
+his way, I always promptly told him to go on as straight as ever he
+could go--a piece of advice which, coming from one so young, I think was
+highly proper and creditable, whatever may have proved its value in some
+cases from a topographical point of view. On the other hand, the
+following incident will serve to show the prudence of exercising due
+caution in addressing strangers oneself.
+
+Upon the evening of my arrival in the big city I had dined at the London
+Restaurant, which was situate at the corner of Chancery Lane and Fleet
+Street, in the premises now occupied by Messrs. Partridge and Cooper
+(the name of this firm must not be taken as an indication of the nature
+of my repast), and, fired with the curiosity of youth, I mounted the
+knifeboard of an omnibus bound for Hyde Park. Arrived at the famous
+statue of Wellington astride the impossible horse which has since ambled
+off to the seclusion of Aldershot, and which at once recalled to my mind
+the inimitable drawings of that infamous quadruped by John Leech, an
+artist who had done as much to familiarise me with London scenes and
+characters with his pencil as had Dickens with the pen, I happened to
+ask a sturdy artisan who was sitting beside me whether this was Hyde
+Park Corner.
+
+"'Ide Park!" he muttered. "'Oo are you a-tryin' ter git at? 'Ide Park!
+None o' yer 'anky panky with me, my covey!"
+
+I forthwith slipped off that 'bus, not a little nettled that the first
+person to whom I had spoken in London should have taken me for a rogue
+and a vagabond.
+
+I had been fortunate enough to secure quarters which had been
+recommended to me in a comfortable boarding-house in one of the
+old-fashioned Inns in Holborn--Thavies' Inn--in which, I was informed,
+whether accurately or not I do not pretend to know, the Knight Templars
+of old had once resided. There were no Knight Templars there when I
+arrived, but in their stead I found some highly-proper and
+non-belligerent clerics with their wives and families, and other
+visitors from the country, who seemed very satisfied with the
+comfortable provision that was made for them. But, best of all, I found
+a hostess who soon became one of the kindest and best of friends I ever
+had, and although I at once engaged a studio in the neighbouring
+artistic quarter of Newman Street, I continued for some time to live in
+Thavies' Inn in the enjoyment of the pleasant society and many
+advantages of her pleasant home.
+
+Not the least of these to me was the perfect gallery of characters who
+were continually coming and going, and the many and various studies I
+made of the different visitors to that boarding-house long supplied me
+with ample material for my sketch-book.
+
+I should be ungallant indeed were I to omit to add that not only was it
+a lady who first made me feel at home amid the bustle and turmoil of
+Modern Babylon, but that it was also a lady who primarily welcomed me as
+a contributor to the Press and gave me my first work in London.
+Curiously enough, both of these ladies possessed points of resemblance,
+not only in person, but in manner and goodness of heart. It was Miss
+Florence Marryat, then editress of _London Society_, who gave me my
+first commission, and I am more anxious to record the fact because I am
+aware that many a youthful journalist besides myself owed his first
+introduction to the public to the sympathy and enterprise of this
+accomplished lady. Perhaps I have less to grumble at personally than
+most others concerning the treatment which, as a young man, I
+experienced at the hands of editors; but I must say that the majority of
+such potentates with whom I then came in contact lamentably lacked that
+readiness to welcome new-comers which Miss Florence Marryat notably, and
+possibly too readily, evinced. Here I may offer a hint to
+beginners--that on coming to London letters of introduction are of
+little or no value. One such letter I possessed, and it led me into
+more trouble, and was the means of my losing more time, than I should
+ever have received recompense for, even if it had obtained me the work
+which it was intended to bring me.
+
+In the first place, these letters often get into the hands of others
+than the particular individuals to whom they are addressed. In my case
+the letter had been inadvertently directed to the literary editor
+instead of to the art editor of one of the largest publishing firms, and
+that gentleman--I refer to the literary editor--was good enough to
+supply me with a quantity of work. I executed the commission, but, lo
+and behold! when I sent the work in, the monster Red Tape intervened in
+the person of the art editor, who became scarlet with rage because he
+had not been invoked instead of his colleague, and promptly repudiated
+the entire contract. Thereupon the literary editor wrote to me saying
+that unless I withdrew my contributions he would be personally out of
+pocket; and it may not be uninteresting to record that some day, when I
+strip this amongst my other mummies, it will be found that he
+subsequently became a wearer of lawn sleeves. Thus, whilst the two
+editors quarrelled between themselves, I was left out in the cold, and
+became a considerable loser over the transaction.
+
+_A propos_ of letters of introduction, I am reminded of a brother
+artist, who, although a caricaturist, was entirely devoid of guile, and,
+in addition, was as absent-minded as the popularly-accepted type of
+ardent scientist or professor of ultra-abstruse subject. Well, this
+curious species of satirist was setting forth on travels in foreign
+climes, and in order to lighten in some measure the vicissitudes
+inseparable from peripatetic wandering, he was provided with a letter of
+introduction to a certain British consul. The writer of this letter
+enclosed it in one to my friend, in which he said that he would find the
+consul a most arrant snob, and a bumptious, arrogant humbug as well--in
+fact, a cad to the backbone; but that he (my friend) was not to mind
+this, for, as he could claim acquaintanceship with several dukes and
+duchesses, all he had to do was to trot out their names for the
+edification of the consul, who would then render him every attention,
+and thus compensate him to some extent for having to come into contact
+with such an insufferable vulgarian. On the return of the guileless
+satirist to England the writer of the letter of introduction inquired
+how he had fared with the consul, and great was his surprise to hear him
+drawl out, in his habitual lethargic manner:
+
+"Well, my dear fellow, he did not receive me very warmly, and he did not
+ask me to dinner. In fact, he struck me as being rather cool."
+
+"Well, you do surprise me!" rejoined his friend. "He's a horrible cad,
+as I told you in my letter, but he's awfully hospitable, and I really
+can't understand what you tell me. You gave him my letter of
+introduction?"
+
+"Well, I thought so," said my friend; "but, do you know, on my journey
+home I discovered it in my pocket-book, so I must have handed him
+instead your note to me about him!"
+
+Of course, in the remarks which I have been making I have not been
+alluding to letters of merely social introduction, which are of an
+entirely different nature. Such letters are generally handed to the
+individual to whom they are addressed at more propitious moments, when
+he is not either hard at work, as the case may be, in his editorial
+chair, or overburdened with anxiety as to the fluctuations of the Bank
+rate.
+
+Be that as it may, I cannot refrain from citing here the case of another
+brother artist, who was particular in the extreme as regarded the
+neatness of his apparel and his personal appearance in general; in fact,
+he laboured, rightly or wrongly, under the impression that the manner in
+which a letter of introduction is received and acted upon by the person
+to whom it is addressed depends upon the raiment and _tout ensemble_ of
+the bearer.
+
+Well, it so happened that he once had a letter of introduction to a man
+he particularly wished to know, but, of all places in the world, fate
+had designed that he should have no choice but to deliver it in the
+boring of the Channel Tunnel, where the dripping roof rendered it
+necessary for all visitors to be encased from head to foot in the vilest
+and most unbecoming tarpaulin overalls. It was in these circumstances,
+then, that the introduction took place, and as nothing came of it, my
+friend will now go to his grave in the firm belief that fine feathers
+make fine birds in the eyes of all those who receive letters of
+introduction.
+
+The first Bohemian Club I joined was located over Gaze's Tourist Offices
+in the Strand. Nearly my first engagement in London was for a still
+flourishing sixpenny weekly. Started in Wellington Street, close by, the
+editorial offices were there certainly, but editor, proprietors, and
+others were not. They were only to be found in "the Club," so through
+necessity I became a member. The flowing bowl of that iniquitous
+concoction, punch, was brewed for the staff early in the afternoon and
+kept flowing till early the next morning. The "Club" never closed day or
+night till the broker's man took possession and closed it for good. I,
+being young and unknown, was surprised to find myself an object of
+attraction whenever I was in the Club. There was something strange about
+me, something mysterious. This was so marked that my brief visits to
+find my editor were few and far between. I discovered afterwards that
+the curiosity and attention paid me had nothing to do with my work, or
+my personal appearance, or my natural shyness or youth. It was aroused
+by the fact that I was known as "the member who had paid his
+subscription!"
+
+[Illustration: AGE 20. [_From a photo. by W. & D. Downey._]]
+
+This fact being noised abroad. I found it an easy matter to get elected
+to another and a better Bohemian Club, having beautiful premises on the
+Adelphi Terrace--a Club which has since gone through many vicissitudes,
+but I think still exists in a small way. At the time I mention it was
+much what the Savage Club is now; in fact, was located in the same
+Terrace. Its smoking concerts, too, were its great attractions, and on
+one of these evenings I played a part worth reciting, if only to
+illustrate how difficult it is for some minds to understand a joke.
+
+[Illustration: A SUCCESSFUL "MAKE-UP."]
+
+A well-known literary man called to see me. On a table in my studio lay
+a "make-up" box--used by actors preparing their faces for the
+footlights--a bald head with fringe of light hair, large fair moustache,
+wig paste, a suit of clothes too large for me, and other trifles. My
+visitor's curiosity was aroused. Taking up my "properties," he asked me
+what they were for. I explained to him a huge joke had been arranged as
+a surprise at the Club smoking concert to take place that very evening,
+in which I was to play a part with a well-known and highly-popular
+member--the funny man of the Club, and an eccentric-looking one to boot.
+He had conceived the idea to make me up as a double of himself. We were
+the same height, but otherwise we in no way resembled each other. He was
+stout, I was thin; he prematurely bald, I enjoyed a superabundance of
+auburn locks; but he had very marked characteristics, and wore very
+remarkable clothes. He was also very clever at "making-up." The idea was
+to test his talent in this direction, and deceive the whole of our
+friends. It was arranged that he was to leave the piano after singing
+half his song, and I--up to that moment concealed--was to come forward
+and continue it. This I explained to my visitor, who expressed his
+belief that the deception was impossible. He promised to keep the
+secret, and that evening was early in the room and seated close to the
+piano. My "double"--fortunately for me, an amateur--sang the first
+verses of one of his well-known songs, but in the middle of it
+complained of the heat of the room (one of those large rooms on the
+first floor in Adelphi Terrace, famous for the Angelica Kaufmann
+paintings on the ceiling), and opening the French window close to the
+piano he went out on to the balcony. There I was, having walked along
+the balcony from the next room. So successful was my "make-up" that in
+passing through the supper-room to get on to the balcony some of the
+members spoke to me under the impression I was the other member! The
+hall-porter had handed me a letter intended for my "double." Of course I
+imitated his walk, his mannerisms at the piano, and his voice, but I
+made a poor attempt to sing. This was the joke. "What was the matter?"
+"Never sang like that before," "Evidently thinks it is funny to be
+completely out of tune," "Hullo, what is this?" as _my_ "double" walked
+through the crowded room just as I finished, and shook hands with me!
+
+I would really have sung the song better, but my eye happened to catch
+the puzzled stare of my friend the literary visitor in the front row. He
+looked angry and annoyed, and before my "double" came up to me, my
+friend, scowling at me, said, "Sir, I think it is infernal bad taste on
+your part to imitate my friend Harry Furniss!"
+
+Who is it that says we English have no sense of humour? My "double" in
+the preceding tale was my brother-in-law, who as a boy was the companion
+of Mr. George Grossmith, and in fact once appeared as an amateur at
+German Reed's, the old Gallery of Illustration, in a piece, with "Gee
+Gee" as his double, entitled "Too much Alike."
+
+He was also an inveterate and clever _raconteur_, and of course
+occasionally made a slip, as for instance, on a railway journey to
+Brighton once, when he found himself alone with a stranger. The stranger
+in conversation happened to ask my relative casually if he were fond of
+travelling. "Travelling? I should rather think so" he replied airily,
+and imagining he was impressing someone who was "something in the City,"
+he continued, "Yes, sir, I'm a pretty experienced traveller. Been mostly
+round the world and all that kind of thing, you know, and had my share
+of adventures, I can tell you!" After a bit he gained more confidence,
+and launched into details, giving the stranger the benefit of his
+experience. "Why, sir, you read in books that hunters of big game, such
+as tigers, watch their eyes. Not a bit of it. What you have got to do
+is to watch the _tail_, and that's the thing. It mesmerises the animal,
+so to speak, and you have him at your mercy," and so forth, and so
+forth. On arriving at the hotel he found his travelling companion had
+just signed his name in the visitors' book. It was Richard Burton! My
+brother-in-law hastened to apologise to Sir Richard for his absurd
+tales. He had no idea, of course, to whom he was retailing his stiff
+yarns. Burton laughed. "My dear sir, not a word, please. I was more
+entertained than I can tell you. You really might have travelled--you
+lie so well!"
+
+[Illustration: TWO TRAVELLERS.]
+
+One of the most eccentric men I ever met, and certainly one of the most
+successful journalists--a _rara avis_, for he made a fortune in Fleet
+Street, and retired to live in a castle in the country--was a man whose
+name, although a very singular one, remains absolutely unknown even to
+members of the Fourth Estate. He was a clever, hard-working journalist;
+every line he wrote--and he was always writing--was printed and
+well-paid for, but he never signed an article, whilst others,
+journalists, specialists, poets, essayists--logrollers of high
+degree--see their name often enough, are "celebrities," "men of the
+time," feted and written about, but eventually retire on the Civil List.
+Eccentricity is the breath of their nostrils, their very existence
+depends upon it, publicity is essential. My friend's eccentricity was
+for his own pleasure. He lived in a frugal--some might think in a
+miserly way--in two rooms in one of the Inns of Court. Perhaps I shall
+be more correct if I say he _existed_ in one. A loaf of bread and half a
+pint of milk was his daily fare. The room he slept in he worked in. The
+other was empty, save for bundles of dusty old newspapers containing
+articles from his ever active brain. "I keep this room," said he, "for
+times when I am over-wrought. Then I shut myself up in it, and _roar_!
+When by this process I have blown away my mental cobwebs, my brain
+regains its pristine energy, and I go back to my study calm and
+collected, having done no one any harm, and myself a lot of good." I
+have dined at his Club with him in the most luxurious fashion, quite
+regardless of expense. He was a capital host, but, like the magazines he
+wrote for, he only appeared replete once a month. His Press work he
+looked upon as mere bread and milk. His work was excellent, journalism
+which editors term "safe," neither too brilliant nor too dull, certainly
+having no trace whatever of eccentricity.
+
+I may here offer an opinion, and make a suggestion to young journalists,
+and that is--safe, steady, dull mediocrity is what pays in the long run;
+to attempt to be brilliant when not a genius is fatal. To have the
+genius, brilliancy, pluck, and success means tremendous prosperity and
+favour for a time, but the editors and the public tire of your
+cleverness. You are too much in evidence. It is safer from a mere
+business standpoint to be the steady, stupid tortoise than the brilliant
+hare. The man or woman who writes a carefully thought-out essay is
+flattered, and quoted, and talked about: for that article the writer may
+possibly receive as many sovereigns as the writer of a newspaper article
+receives shillings; but the shillings come every day, and the sovereigns
+once a month. It is wiser in the long run to be satisfied with a loaf
+and milk once a day than with a dinner at a Club every four weeks.
+
+If in the old days the Bohemian scribbler was not in Society, he could
+at least imagine himself there. There was nothing to prevent his
+speaking of a member of the aristocracy as "one of us" with far less
+embarrassment and with as much truth as he could nowadays when he _is_
+invited--but still as the oil that never will mix with water. Except in
+imagination--an imagination such as I recollect a well-known figure in
+literary Bohemia had when I knew it well, a writer of stories for the
+popular papers: Society stories, in which a Duke ran away with a
+governess, or a Duchess eloped with an artist, each weekly instalment
+winding up with a sensational event, so as to carry forward the interest
+of the reader. This writer--quite excellent in his way--a thorough
+Bohemian, knowing nothing about the Society he wrote about, had the
+power of making himself, and sometimes fresh acquaintances, believe that
+he played in real life a part in the story he was writing. He did not
+refer to the experiences as related by him as incidents in his story,
+but as actual events of the day.
+
+[Illustration: "THE DUKE OF BROADACRES."]
+
+"Brandy and soda? Thanks. My dear fellow, I feel a perfect wreck, shaken
+to pieces. I had an experience to-day I shall never forget. I have just
+arrived from Devonshire; ran down by a night train to look at a hunter
+Lord Briarrose wanted to sell me. Bob--that is Briarrose--and I
+travelled together. He is going to be married, you know; heiress; great
+beauty--neighbour--rolling in wealth. I stopped at the Castle last
+night, and before Bob was up I was on the thoroughbred and well over the
+country, returning about eleven along the top of the cliffs. To my
+horror, I saw a carriage and pair charging down a road which at one time
+continued a long distance skirting the cliffs. Cliffs had fallen; road
+cut off; unprotected; drop down cliff eight hundred feet on to pointed
+rocks and deep sea. There was nothing between the runaway horses and the
+cliff, except a storm-broken solitary tree with one branch curved over
+the road. When the horses bolted, the groom fell off. There was only a
+lady in the carriage, powerless to stop the frightened steeds dashing on
+to death. As she approached I was electrified. Something told me she was
+Bob's _fiancee_. A moment and I was charging the hunter under that tree.
+Jumping up out of the saddle, I clasped the solitary branch with both
+hands, and turning as an acrobat would on a trapeze, I hung by my legs,
+hands downwards, calling to the lady to clasp them. The fiery steeds and
+the oscillating carriage dashed under me--our hands met. With a
+superhuman effort I raised the fainting fairy form out of the vehicle as
+it passed like a whirlwind. The next moment horses and carriage were
+being dashed to pieces on the rocks below. Under our united weight the
+branch of the tree broke, and we fell unhurt on the moss-covered path.
+When the eyes of the fair lady opened to gaze upon her deliverer, I
+started as if shot. She sprang to her feet. 'Reginald!' she cried. 'Is
+it you?'
+
+"She was my first love. We had not seen each other for years! Thanks.
+I'll have some more brandy. Hot this time, with some sugar, please."
+
+The following week _The London Library_ appeared. I bought it, and read
+"The Duke's Oak," all about Lord Briarrose and Lady Betty Buttercup and
+the runaway horses. The tree with the one branch gave the title to the
+story, and the Dashing Duke of Broadacres was the aristocratic
+acrobat--my friend the author!
+
+[Illustration: FROM A SKETCH BY HERBERT JOHNSON.]
+
+The Savage Club is a remnant of Bohemian London. It was started at a
+period when art, literature, and the drama were at their lowest ebb--in
+the "good old days" when artists wore seedy velveteen coats, smoked
+clays, and generally had their works of art exhibited in pawnbrokers'
+windows; when journalists were paid at the same rate and received the
+same treatment as office-boys; and when actors commanded as many
+shillings a week as they do pounds at present. This typical trio now
+exists only in the imagination of the lady novelist. When first the
+little band of Savages met they smoked their calumets over a
+public-house in the vicinity of Drury Lane, in a room with a sanded
+floor; a chop and a pint of ale was their fare, and good-fellowship
+atoned for lack of funds. The Brothers Brough, Andrew Halliday, Tom
+Robertson, and other clever men were the original Savages, and the
+latter in one of his charming pieces made capital out of an incident at
+the Club. One member asks another for a few shillings. "Very sorry, old
+chap, I haven't got it, but I'll ask Smith." Smith replies, "Not a cent
+myself, but I'll ask Brown." Brown asks Robinson, and so on until a
+Croesus is found with five shillings in his pocket, which he is only
+too willing to lend. But this true Bohemianism is as dead as Queen Anne,
+and the Savages now live merely on the traditions of the past. His
+Majesty the King, when Prince of Wales, was a member of the Club, and an
+Earl takes the chair and entertains my Lord Mayor with his flunkeys and
+all. The Club is now as much advertised as the Imperial Institute, but
+the true old flavour is no more. No doubt some excellent men and good
+fellows are still in the Savage wigwam. Some Bohemians--a sprinkling of
+those Micawbers, "waiting for something to turn up"--keep up its
+reputation, but in reality it is only Savage now in name.
+
+[Illustration: THE EARL OF DUNRAVEN AS A SAVAGE.]
+
+I was not thirty when I ceased to be a member. I had been on the
+committee, and had taken an active part in matters concerning it, until
+it changed its character and lost its true Bohemian individuality, and
+being a member of the Garrick Club, I found matured in it the element
+the Savage endeavoured at that time to emulate. Although I am still in
+my forties, few of those with whom I smoked the calumet of peace round
+the camp fire at a great pow-wow in the wigwam of the excellent Savages,
+alas! remain.
+
+The old Grecian Theatre in the City Road was the nursery of many members
+of the theatrical profession, and authors too. Two well-known members
+of the Savage Club, Merritt and Pettitt, were writers of the common
+stuff necessary for the melodramas of the kind connected with their
+names. Merritt would have made an equal fortune if exhibited as the
+original fat boy in "Pickwick," or as a prize baby at a show. I suppose
+my readers are aware that it is not necessary to be a baby in order to
+be exhibited as one, for I recollect, in my Bohemian days, going down to
+Woolwich Gardens when the famous William Holland was manager of them,
+and accidentally strolling into a tent outside of which was a placard,
+"The Largest Baby in the World! 6d." I was not expected,--and the "Baby"
+was walking about in his baby-clothes, with little pink bows on his
+shoulders, smoking a horrible black clay pipe. He was the dwarf
+policeman in Holland's pantomime in the winter-time!
+
+[Illustration: "ANOTHER GAP IN OUR RANKS."]
+
+Merritt would have made a capital prize baby. He was tall, very stout,
+and possessed of a perfectly hairless, baby's face and a squeaky little
+voice. I shall never forget a prize remark this transpontine author made
+in the Savage Club, when an editor rushed in and said, "Have you heard
+the news? Carlyle is dead!" Merritt rose, and putting his hand on his
+chest, squeaked out, "Another gap in our ranks!"
+
+[Illustration: "JOPE."]
+
+A peculiar figure in Bohemia in those old days was "J." Pope, known as
+"Jope," brother of the late celebrated K.C. Jo was nearly as large as
+his brother, the well-known legal luminary, and Paul Merritt rolled into
+one, and wore his black wide-awake on the back of his pleasing,
+intelligent head. I saw him one sultry autumn evening leaning against a
+lamp-post in Chancery Lane to take breath.
+
+"Hullo, Pope, where are you going?"
+
+"My dear boy, let me lean on you a minute. I'm going up to the
+Birkbeck--to lecture--to lecture on 'Air, and How We Breathe!'"
+
+As a contrast to the popular Doctor was a wit more popularly known, H. J.
+Byron--as thin as the proverbial lamp-post. Of course the stories about
+Byron would fill a volume, but there is one that is always worth
+repeating, and that is his reply to a vulgar and obtrusive stranger who
+met him at Plymouth, and said to him, "Mr. Byron, I've 'ad a walk _h_all
+round the 'Oe."
+
+"Yes, old chap, and the next time you have a walk I advise you to walk
+all round the H."
+
+[Illustration: H. J. BYRON.]
+
+In those merry gatherings I recall the familiar features of true
+Bohemians, when Bohemianism was at its best--not the ornamental names of
+those one finds mentioned in all reports of the famous gatherings, but
+of the members who really used and made the Club. Few of the outside
+public recollect, for instance, the name of Arthur Mathieson, who wrote
+and sang that pathetic ballad, "The Little Hero"; who also was an actor
+and writer of ability,--in fact, he was what is fatal to men of his
+class--a veritable Crichton. Being in appearance not unlike Sir Henry
+Irving, he was engaged by our leading actor to play his double in "The
+Corsican Brothers," and made up so like his chief that no one could
+possibly tell the difference between the two. One evening during the run
+of the piece an old Irishwoman who was duster of the theatre, and with
+whom the genial double of Sir Henry often had a friendly word,
+approached as she thought the familiar M., and in a rather frivolous
+mood innocently tickled the actor under the chin with her dusting-broom.
+
+"My good woman, what do you mean?"
+
+The poor Irishwoman dropped on her knees, clasped her hands and said,
+"The Saints protect me! it's the Masther himself--I'm kilt entoirely."
+
+The "Masther," however, probably enjoyed the humour of it. Sir Henry,
+like his dear old friend Mr. J. L. Toole, has found a relief in
+occasional harmless fun. Toole, however, was irrepressible.
+
+[Illustration: A PRESENTATION.]
+
+I was one day walking with him in Leeds (when he was appearing in the
+evening on the stage, and I on the platform). A street hawker proffered
+the comedian a metal pencil-case for the sum of a halfpenny. Toole made
+this valuable purchase. As soon as I left the platform that night, I
+found a note for me, inviting me to the theatre directly after the
+performance. Toole came back on to the stage, and making me an elaborate
+and complimentary speech, referring to me as "a brother artist in
+another sphere," etc., etc., presented me with the pencil! I made an
+appropriate reply, and we went to supper.
+
+The following paragraph from the pen of Mr. Toole appeared in the Press
+the next day in London as well as the provinces:
+
+"Brother artists, even when working in different grooves, do not lack
+appreciation of each other's work. After Mr. Harry Furniss's lecture in
+Leeds the other night, he and Mr. Toole foregathered; and the popular
+and genial actor presented the 'comedian of the pencil' with a very neat
+and handsome pencil-case, just adapted for the jotting down, wherever
+duty takes him, of those graphic sketches with which the caricaturist
+amuses us week by week."
+
+I must confess I am sometimes guilty of mild practical jokes, but I am
+always careful to select reciprocative and kindred spirits--with such a
+spirit of practical joking as J. L. Toole, for instance. He and I have
+had many a joke at each other's expense. It so happened that when he was
+producing the great success, "The House Boat," he wintered at Hastings,
+where I had a house for the season, and we saw a great deal of each
+other. Toole was always what is called a bad study--that is, it was with
+great difficulty and pain he learnt his parts. On this occasion the time
+was drawing nearer and nearer for the production; he was getting more
+and more nervous about his new part, and I received a visit from his
+friend the late Edmund Routledge, asking me to protect "Johnny" from his
+friends--in other words, to keep his whereabouts dark, as he had to
+study. Toole had had one or two little practical jokes with me, which I
+owed him for, so having to rush up to town, I had the following letter
+written to him:
+
+  "DEAR MR. TOOLE,--I suppose you recollect your old friends in Smoketown
+when you performed one night at our Hall and did us the honour of
+stopping at our house over Sunday. You then kindly asked us all to stop
+with you when we went to London--a promise we have treasured ever since.
+We called at Maida Vale yesterday, but finding you were at Hastings I
+write now to say that we are on our way. Besides myself I am bringing
+dear Aunt Jane you will remember--now unfortunately a confirmed
+invalid--and my boy Tom who has got a bad leg, and Uncle William and his
+three daughters, and my dear Sue, who, I am sorry to say, is still
+suffering, but I think a week at Hastings will do us all a world of
+good--particularly to have you to amuse us all the time.
+
+                                                     "Yours very truly,"
+
+And a signature was attached which I could not myself read.
+
+The next day in London a hansom pulled up close to where I was walking,
+and a friend of Toole's jumped out, and, seizing my hand, he said, "I
+say, Furniss, you travel about a lot, lecturing and all that kind of
+thing--do you know Smoketown?"
+
+[Illustration: SAVAGE CLUB.
+               MY DESIGN FOR THE MENU 25TH ANNIVERSARY DINNER.
+_The Original Drawing was by request presented to His Royal Highness._]
+
+"Smoketown!" I said, "Smoketown!" (Truth to tell, at the moment I had
+quite forgotten all about my letter to Toole; then it dawned upon me.)
+"Oh, yes--well," I said; "I had one night there, and some frightful
+friends of Toole's bored my life out. He had invited them, I believe, to
+stop with him in London, and they--"
+
+"Just the people I want. What's their name?"
+
+"I forget that entirely."
+
+"Can you read this?" he said, producing my letter.
+
+"No," I said; "I can't read that signature."
+
+"Do you know where they are likely to put up in town?"
+
+"Not the slightest idea."
+
+"I've tried every hotel in London."
+
+"Temperance?" I asked.
+
+"No, not one. Happy thought!--of course that is where they'll be."
+
+"Try them all," I said, as I waved my hand. And off the cab rushed to
+visit the various temperance hotels in London.
+
+The next day I returned to Hastings, and went straight to Mr. Toole's
+hotel. Getting the hall porter into my confidence, he sent up a message
+to Mr. Toole that a gentleman with a large family had arrived to see
+him; and the porter and I made the noise of ten up the stairs, and
+eventually the gentleman and family were announced at Toole's door. I
+shall never forget poor Toole, standing in an attitude so familiar to
+the British public, with his eye-glass in his hand and his eyes cast on
+the ground--he was afraid to raise them. As soon as he did, however, his
+other hand caught the first book that was handy, and it was flung at my
+head.
+
+Bohemianism, when I arrived in London, was emigrating from the tavern of
+sanded floors and clay pipes into Clubland. Artists, authors, actors,
+and journalists were starting clubs of their own, simply to continue the
+same pot-house life without restraint; in place of turning the
+public-house into a club, they turned the club into a public-house. If
+journalists in Grub Street were at their worst in those days, artists
+were at their best. The great boom in trade which followed the
+Franco-German War produced a wave of extraordinary prosperity, which
+landed many a tramp struggling in troubled waters safely on the beach of
+fortune. Working men in the North were drinking champagne; some of them
+rose to be masters and millionaires. They tired of drinking champagne,
+they could not play the pianos they had bought, or enjoy the mansions
+they had built; but they could rival each other in covering their walls
+with pictures, so the poorest "pot-boiler" found a ready sale. The most
+indifferent daubs were sold as quickly as they could be framed. Artists
+then built their mansions, drank champagne, and played on their grand
+pianos. When I, still in my teens, first met these good fellows, I might
+have been tempted, seeing what wretched work satisfied the
+picture-dealer, to abandon black and white for colour; but already the
+boom was over. Artists, like their patrons, had found out their mistake.
+They had either to let or sell their costly houses, and have, with few
+exceptions, little to show now for those wonderful days of prosperity in
+the early seventies--which they still talk over in their clubs in
+Bohemia.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The few exceptions are the survival of the fittest. But the best of
+artists have never seen such a boom in art as that I saw in my early
+days in London. It cannot be denied that, from a fashionable point of
+view, picture shows are going down. Artists have had to stand on one
+side as popular Society favourites: the actors have taken their place.
+One has only to visit the studios on "Show Sundays" to see what a
+falling off there is. "Show Sunday" was, some years ago, one of the
+events of the year. From Kensington to St. John's Wood, and up to
+Hampstead, the studios of the mighty attracted hosts of fashionable
+people to these annual gatherings.
+
+A familiar figure at these for many years was the genial Sir Spencer
+Wells, the well-known surgeon. He lived monarch of all he surveyed at
+Golder's Hill, Hampstead, and many a morning I met him when riding, and
+we jogged into town together. He was a capital _raconteur_, a happy wit,
+and told one incident I always recall to mind as I pass a house on the
+top of Fitzjohn's Avenue, where a few years ago lived, painted and
+"received" that Wilson Barrett of the brush, Edwin Long, R.A., a
+hard-working, self-made artist who amassed a fortune by successfully
+gauging the taste of the large middle-class English public in mixing
+religion with voluptuous melodrama. On the annual "Show Sunday" no
+studio was more popular than Long's. His subjects perhaps had something
+to do with it. They were in keeping with the Sabbath. The work too was
+as smooth and as highly finished as the most orthodox sermon. _Ars longa
+est._ Yes, said some cynic, but art is not Long. But anyway Long's art
+was commercially successful, and he was what is known as "a good
+business man."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+As haberdashers in the days of crude advertising used to place men in
+costume at the shop door--a fireman when they were selling off a damaged
+salvage stock, or a sailor or, if a _very_ enterprising tradesman, a
+diver, helmet and all, when selling off goods damaged from a wreck--so
+did this Academician, when exhibiting Biblical subjects on "Show
+Sunday," engage a Nubian model to stand at the door of his shop. This
+man had also to announce the names of the guests, and when the small,
+spectacled, simple man with the large smile gave his name, Sir Spencer
+Wells, the model pulled himself up to his full height and in his best
+English proudly and loudly announced to the crowd in the studio--
+
+"The Prince of Wales!"
+
+The effect was magical: all fell in line, ladies curtseyed, men bowed,
+when the Prince of Hampstead Heath entered. The artist looked as black
+as his model, and the visitors laughed.
+
+At the other end of Fitzjohn's Avenue once lived that ever popular
+Academician, the late Mr. John Pettie. Mr. Pettie was a vigorous
+draughtsman and a beautiful colourist, and many of his portraits are
+very fine. He seemed to revel in painting a red coat--an object to many
+painters as maddening as it is to the infuriated bull. On one "Show
+Sunday" before the sending-in day of the Royal Academy, at which he
+exhibited, I recollect admiring a portrait of Mr. Lamb, the celebrated
+golfer, in his red coat, when the original of the portrait came into the
+studio. Not feeling very well, Mr. Pettie had to avoid the crowd of his
+admirers seeing him. There were a few exceptions, of which I was one. I
+had just left him when I saw Mr. Lamb before his picture. In this
+portrait the "bulger" golf club--which Mr. Lamb, I believe, invented, to
+the delight of the golfing world--is introduced. I ran back to Mr.
+Pettie and told him that there was a stupid man in the studio wanting to
+know why artists always draw golf clubs wrongly; that as a Scotchman he
+must protest against such a club, which was out of shape, like a club
+foot. "Tell him, mon, it's a bulger--Lamb's invention!" I returned. "He
+wants to know who Mr. Lamb is, and what is a bulger?--perhaps it's a new
+kind of hunting-crop and not a golf club at all?" In rushed Mr. Pettie,
+like an enraged lion, to slay the ignorant visitor, but in reality to
+shake hands with Mr. Lamb and explain my childish joke.
+
+Leaving Pettie, I called at a studio near Hampstead occupied by a very
+clever Irish artist, who was very much depressed when I entered. Gazing
+in bewilderment at his picture for the Academy, representing Milton with
+his daughters in his garden at Chalfont St. Giles, he said--
+
+"Furniss, I'm in an awful state entoirely over this picture. One of
+those critic fellows has been in here, and he tells me this picture
+won't do at all at all. I've painted in Milton's garden as I've seen it,
+but the critic tells me that these are all modern flowers and weren't
+known in the country in the poet's time. Now, what on earth am Oi to
+do?"
+
+"Oh, don't bother about those critics," I said. "They know nothing.
+Milton was blind, don't you know, so how could he tell whether the
+flowers were correct or not?"
+
+"Begorrah, Furniss, you're right. Oi never thought of that. It's just
+like those ignorant critic chaps to upset a fellow in this way."
+
+
+
+
+                             CHAPTER III.
+
+MY CONFESSIONS AS A SPECIAL ARTIST.
+
+[Illustration: DISTRESS IN THE BLACK COUNTRY. _Acting as Special Artist
+for The Illustrated London News._]
+
+  The Light Brigade--Miss Thompson (Lady Butler)--Slumming--The Boat
+   Race--Realism--A Phantasmagoria--Orlando and the Caitiff--Fancy Dress
+   Balls--Lewis Wingfield--Cinderella--A Model--All Night Sitting--An
+   Impromptu Easel--"Where there's a Will there's a Way"--The American
+   Sunday Papers--I am Deaf--The Grill--The World's
+   Fair--Exaggeration--Personally Conducted--The Charnel House--10,
+   Downing Street--I attend a Cabinet Council--An Illustration by Mr.
+   Labouchere--The Great Lincolnshire Trial--Praying without Prejudice.
+
+[Illustration: AT THE OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE BOAT RACE. (_Reduction of
+Large Drawing._)]
+
+
+Sir William Russell and I were called upon at a banquet in the City to
+respond to the toast of the Press. Sir William made one of his
+characteristic, graceful little speeches, reminiscential and modest.
+When I rose I was for a moment also reminiscential--but not modest. "My
+Lord Mayor, Sheriffs, and Masters of this Worshipful Company,--I
+appreciate the appropriateness in coupling my name with that of Sir
+William Russell, for both of us have made a noise in the world at the
+same time--Dr. Russell with his first war letters to the _Times_, and I
+in my cradle, for I came into this troubled world while others in arms
+were making a noise in the Crimea."
+
+[Illustration: AS SPECIAL AT THE BALACLAVA CELEBRATION.]
+
+Naturally for this reason I have always taken an interest in the doings
+of that time; so it was quite _con amore_ that I acted as "special" at
+the first Balaclava Celebration Banquet (1875), twenty years after
+"Billy" Russell's first war letters and my first birthday.
+
+The roll-call on the occasion was funny, seeing that it was that of the
+"Light Brigade"--some were "light" and many were heavy--one I recollect
+was about eighteen stone. The banquet was held in the Alexandra Palace,
+Muswell Hill. The visitors, except the military--past or present--were
+shamefully treated. We had to stand all the time behind the chairs and
+wearily watch a scene not altogether elevating to lookers-on. We were
+not allowed a chair to sit on, nor any refreshment of any kind--not even
+if we paid for it; and I well recollect how hungry I was when I returned
+to my studio after a tedious journey at 1 in the morning, having had
+nothing to eat since 1 of the previous day. Such Red Tape was, I
+suppose, to illustrate the disgraceful arrangements of the commissariat
+in the Crimea! I was standing close to Miss Thompson (Lady Butler), who
+had just become famous by her picture "The Roll Call." She was making
+notes, and possibly intended painting a sequel to her celebrated
+picture. She was exhausted and tired, and no doubt too disgusted by such
+ungallant conduct on the part of the organisers of the banquet to touch
+the subject. Had she painted this particular roll-call I fear many of
+the figures would have had to be drawn out of the perpendicular.
+
+Twenty years before one of the heroes was, possibly, a better and a
+wiser man, and tackled the "Rooshins" with greater dexterity than he
+displayed on this occasion in managing a jelly. He had waiters to right
+of him, waiters to left of him, and waiters behind him, but that jelly
+defeated him, although he charged it with fork, spoon, and finally with
+fingers.
+
+From a very early age it was naturally my ambition to be introduced to
+Mr. Punch, but this was not to be just yet, and the first London paper
+for which I drew regularly was the _Illustrated Sporting and Dramatic
+News_, which was started soon after I arrived in London. I continued to
+work for it until it was bought by the proprietor of the _Illustrated
+London News_, when I became a large contributor to that leading
+illustrated paper.
+
+Most of my work for the _Illustrated London News_ consisted of single
+and double pages of character sketches, in which Eton and Harrow cricket
+matches, Oxford and Cambridge boat races, tennis meetings, the Lawn at
+Goodwood, and many other scenes of English life were treated
+pictorially; but I also acted sometimes in the capacity of a special
+correspondent, and this duty sometimes took me into places far from
+pleasant.
+
+[Illustration: DISTRESS IN THE NORTH. _Page (reduction), "Illustrated
+London News." Republished by permission of the proprietors._]
+
+On my twenty-fourth Christmas, the year after I was married, I recollect
+having to start off upon such a mission to the North of England, where,
+owing to strikes and labour disputes, most distressing scenes were
+taking place. Throwing myself into the work, I thoroughly ferreted out
+the distress which prevailed, pursuing my investigations into the very
+garrets of the poor starving creatures whose privacy I thus disturbed at
+the entreaty and under the escort of the district visitors and other
+benevolent people, whilst the criminal classes also came in for a share
+of my observation, which in this case was conducted under the sheltering
+wing of a detective.
+
+I cannot, however, say that my energy met with its due reward, for such
+was the realism with which I had treated the subject allotted to me
+that the editor and proprietors of the _Illustrated London News_ were
+reluctant to shock the susceptibilities of their readers by presenting
+them with such scenes, and I had to substitute for them sketches of soup
+kitchens, committee meetings and refuges. That the editorial decision
+was not a sound one was amply proved a few years later, when during a
+somewhat similar crisis Mr. G. R. Sims and the late Mr. Fred Barnard
+published work of a similar breadth and boldness with signal effect.
+
+Visiting slums, seeing death from want and misery on all sides, is
+certainly not the most pleasant way of spending the festive season. In
+company with detectives, clergymen, or self-sacrificing district
+visitors, you may swallow the pill with the silver on; but try it
+single-handed, and it is a very different affair. I was taken for some
+demon rent-collector prowling about, and was peered at through broken
+windows and doors, and received with language warm enough to thaw the
+icicles. The sketches I made during the weeks I spent in the haunts of
+want and misery would have made a startling volume, but time and money
+were thrown away, and only the perfunctory pictures were published. The
+public have no idea, or seldom think, of the great trouble and expense
+incurred in faithfully depicting everyday scenes. Still, it is not
+possible for a "special" even to see everything, or to be in two places
+simultaneously; and consequently, in ordinary pictorial representations,
+dummy figures are frequently looked upon as true portraits. One boat
+race, for example, is very much like another. Some years ago I executed
+a panoramic series of sketches of the University Race from start to
+finish, and as they were urgently wanted, the drawings had to be sent in
+the same day. Early in the morning, before the break of fast, I found
+myself at Putney, rowing up to Mortlake, taking notes of the different
+points on the way--local colour through a fog. Getting home before the
+Londoners started for the scene, I was at work, and the drawings--minus
+the boats--were sent in shortly after the news of the race. The figures
+were imaginary and unimportant, but one correspondent wrote to point out
+the exact spot where he stood, and complained of my leaving out the
+black band on his white hat, and placing him too near a pretty girl,
+adding that his wife, who had not been present, had recognised his
+portrait.
+
+Yes, I must confess, one has often to draw upon the imagination even in
+serious "realism," Some years ago I went with a colleague of the pen to
+illustrate and describe the dreadful scenes which were said to take
+place in St. James's Park, where the poor people were seen to sleep all
+night on the seats. We arrived about 2 A.M. It was a beautiful moonlight
+night, but though we walked up and down for hours not a soul came in
+sight. My companion said, "It's a bad business; we cannot do anything
+with this." I replied, "We must not go away without something to show;
+now if you will lie down I will make a sketch of you, and then I will
+lie down and you can describe me."
+
+[Illustration: REALISM!]
+
+One of the most "uncanny" experiences I ever had as a "special" I find
+graphically described by the late Hon. Lewis Wingfield, who accompanied
+me on the strange mission.
+
+[Illustration: "THE CAITIFF" AND ORLANDO.]
+
+"Winter without. Snow. A sea of billows drifting across the sky,
+glittering, frosted--a symphony in metals--silver, aluminium,
+lead--rendered buoyant for the nonce, ethereal--as though the world were
+really gone Christmas mad, and, having a sudden attack of topsy-turvydom
+in its inside, had taken to showering its treasures about the firmament,
+instead of keeping them snugly put away in mines below ground. A sheet
+of snow, and bitter white rain driving still. A huge building looming
+black, its many eyes staring into the dark--lidless, bilious, vacant.
+This is a hospital. Or is it a factory, disguised with a veneer of the
+Puginesque? Or an aesthetic barrack? Or an artistic workhouse? Visible
+yet, under falling snow which has not had time to cover them, are
+flower-beds, shrub-plots, meandering walks. Too genteel and ambitious
+for the most aesthetic of workhouses or advanced of hospitals, we
+wonder what the building is; and our wonder is not decreased by seeing a
+postern opened in a huge black wall, from which a handful of
+conspirators creep silently. We rub our eyes. Are we dreaming? Is this,
+or is it not, the age of scientific marvels, levelling of castes,
+rampant communism, murder, agrarian outrage, sudden massacre?--the _olla
+podrida_ which we are pleased to denominate enlightenment? That first
+black figure is James the Second. Heavens! The Jacobites live yet, and
+will join, doubtless, with the Fenians and Mr. Bradlaugh, and a _posse
+comitatus_ of iconoclasts, to upset the reign of order, and add a thorn
+to the chaplet of our hard-run Premier. James the Second. Not a doubt of
+it. There he is--periwig, black velvet, and bugles. Where, oh where, is
+the Great Seal, with which he played ducks and drakes in the Thames? Yet
+no. This is no Jacobite plot, for His Majesty is followed by no troop of
+partisans on tiptoe in hose and doublet. He is not seeking to win his
+own again. A woodman trudges behind--we recognise him, for his name's
+"Orlando"--(Wingfield himself, in a beautiful costume, which he had made
+two years previously when playing the part of Orlando in a production of
+"As You Like It" in Manchester, the Calvert Memorial performance; Miss
+Helen Faucit (Lady Martin), Rosalind; Herman Merivale, Touchstone; Tom
+Taylor, Adam; and other well-known celebrities assisting). Then he
+describes me: "A muffled creature of sinister aspect. Short,
+auburn-locked, extinguished by a portentous hat, tripping and stumbling
+over a cloak, or robe, in whose dragging folds he conceals his identity
+as well as his power of volition, a weird and gruesome phantom.
+What--oh what--is this hovering ghost? He must be just defunct, for the
+purgatorial garments fit him not, he stumbles at every step, and when he
+trips an underdress is unveiled that's like a City waiter's. What is
+he--the arch conspirator--doing himself? He starts, tries to conceal a
+book, but we snatch it from him. Sketches! lots of sketches!
+caricatures, low and vulgar portraits of ourselves! 'What are you?' we
+scream, 'and why this orgy? Speak, caitiff, or for ever hold your
+peace!'
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Perceiving that we are in earnest and not to be trifled with, and glare
+with forbidding mien, the caitiff speaks in trembling accents. 'If you
+please,' he says, 'I'm the artist from the great illustrated journal;
+I'm drawing pictures of the lunatics. My disguise is beyond my own
+control, and trips me up, but I'm told it's becoming.' 'Lunatics!' we
+echo.
+
+"'Yes,' the caitiff murmurs. 'This is the annual fancy dress ball at
+Brookwood Asylum. You and I and the doctors and attendants are the only
+sane people in the place. By-and-by the country gentry will be admitted,
+and then the tangle will be hopeless, for even in everyday life it's
+impossible to know who's mad and who isn't. How much more here?'
+
+"We left the trembling caitiff to his secret sketching, and the
+despondency produced by his appearance. He was sane, was he? Then in him
+were we revenged on human nature, for sure never was mortal more
+oppressed by his gear and his surroundings."
+
+The fact is that my editor, in sending his "young man," omitted to say
+that the invitation was crossed with "fancy dress only," so I arrived in
+ordinary war-paint. The Doctor was horrified. "This will never do. My
+patients will resent it. You _must_ be in fancy dress." All my host
+could find was a seedy red curtain and an old cocked hat (had it been a
+nightcap I should have been complete as Caudle). I wrapped this martial
+cloak around me, and soon found myself in the most extraordinary scene,
+so graphically described by Wingfield. He was not alone in his scorn
+for me. The "Duke of York" had a great contempt for my appearance, but
+when introduced to him as His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales, he
+unbent, waved his bauble, and commanded me to be seated. The visitors
+eyed me suspiciously all the evening, and on my entering the
+supper-room, accompanied by the Doctor, they were seized with the idea
+that I must be a very dangerous case, and readily made room--in fact,
+made off. One of the poor patients was an artist, and showed me his
+sketch-book, the work of many, many months--a number of drawings in
+colour, stuck one on top of the other, resembling an elongated
+concertina, so that only the corners of the pages could be seen. The
+patients wore costumes designed and made by themselves, in marked
+contrast to their stylish keepers. Among the guests the county families
+were well represented, and garrison officers from a neighbouring depot
+formed a motley group which a looker-on, viewing the scene as in a
+kaleidoscope, would laugh at. One turn, and the next moment some
+incident might occur which an imaginative brain could easily work into a
+romance too touching to relate.
+
+For some years I had quite a run of fancy dress balls, a craze at that
+time, acting as special artist for various periodicals, the _Illustrated
+London News_ in particular. The ball above recorded was unique, but
+there is very little variety in such gatherings, where variety is the
+one thing aimed at, thus showing the limit of our English artistic
+invention. The ingredients of a ball of three hundred, say, would be as
+follows,--Thirty Marie Stuarts, ten Marguerites, twenty-eight Fausts,
+fifty Flower Girls, nine Portias, three Clowns, sixteen Matadores,
+thirty Sailors, twenty-five Ophelias, twenty-five Desdemonas, the
+remainder uniforms and nondescripts. Of course any popular figure,
+picture or play of the moment will be represented. When the relief of
+Mafeking took place, the number of Baden-Powells, tall, short, young,
+old, thin and stout, in the various fancy balls and bazaars appearing
+will be, as newspaper leader-writers say, "a fact fresh in the mind of
+the reader." Some years ago a portrait of the "missing Gainsborough," a
+picture of the Duchess of Devonshire, which mysteriously vanished from
+Agnew's gallery in Bond Street, was represented in dozens at the fancy
+balls of the period, and the Gilbert-Sullivan opera "Patience," supplied
+many a costume. My brother "special" on this occasion--Lewis
+Wingfield--was a Crichton of eccentricity. The son of an Irish peer, an
+officer in the Guards, he dressed as a ballet-girl and danced on the
+stage; was a journalist and wrote for Charles Dickens when that great
+novelist edited _Household Words_. Wingfield never did anything by
+halves, so in writing a series of articles for Dickens on the casual
+wards of London he personated a street photographer (having delicate
+hands he could not pretend to be a labourer), and wrote his experiences
+of the dreadful state of affairs existing in those days under the rule
+of Bumbledom. The last he sought relief at was situated close to Golden
+Square. Here he was very harshly treated, and when he left he rapidly
+changed into his usual clothes, drove up to the establishment as one of
+the life patrons (all his family had for years supported the charity),
+and had the satisfaction of dismissing the overbearing overseer, to the
+wretch's chagrin. Wingfield related this incident with great glee.
+
+[Illustration: AT A FANCY DRESS BALL.]
+
+Anxious to find out the amount niggers made on the Derby Day, he decided
+to go as a burnt-cork nigger himself; but it is impossible to do this
+unless you are of that ilk, for like the business of the beggars and
+street performers, everything is properly organised; there is a proper
+system and superintendent to arrange matters. After some difficulty he
+managed to get introduced as the genuine article, and at 4 in the
+morning had to stand with the other Ethiopian minstrels at "Poverty
+Junction," between Waterloo Bridge and Waterloo Station, while lots were
+drawn for positions on the course. As luck would have it, Wingfield drew
+a pitch opposite the Grand Stand, where at least he would be among his
+own acquaintances. All the niggers had to walk to Epsom, unless it
+happened some friendly carter could be induced to offer a seat. Had
+four-in-hands come along Wingfield might have been saved a walk, but
+costers were to him unknown. By lunch-time he was heartily sick of his
+new life. However, he was determined to carry it through. In the
+evening, after his long, hot day's work, he found he had to wait for the
+policeman's train. After the half-million people had returned to London,
+he was allowed to crawl into a carriage, and being thoroughly tired he
+fell asleep in a corner of the compartment. But the police wanted some
+entertainment, and waking him up, said:
+
+"Now then, darky, tune up! we can pay you as well as the toffs; let's
+have a song!" They had a concert all the way, Wingfield singing the
+solos. The hat was sent round and a collection made, and to the bitter
+end Wingfield had to bang away at his banjo and squeak with what little
+voice he had left. This nearly finished him. Arriving at Victoria, he
+hailed a hansom. One driver after another eyed him scornfully and passed
+on. He then for the first time realised that it is not a customary thing
+for an itinerant nigger to drive about London in hansoms, even on Derby
+Day. So he dragged himself wearily along the streets until he happened
+to meet an intimate friend. To him he explained matters, and his friend
+called a hansom for him and paid the driver as well before he would take
+up his dusky fare. He thought the fact of his driving a street nigger a
+great joke, and made merry over his passenger as he passed the other
+drivers. But he was very much astonished when he drove up in front of
+quite an imposing dwelling and saw the door opened by a footman as the
+nigger toiled up the steps.
+
+[Illustration: LEWIS WINGFIELD AS A STREET NIGGER HOME FROM THE DERBY.]
+
+As an artist Wingfield was ambitious. Finding, as he told me, that he
+could never be a great artist, he preferred not to be one at all. On his
+walls were large classic paintings, not likely ever to find their way to
+the walls of anyone else. But he tried his hand at popular art as well.
+A scene in a circus, for instance, was one subject. A pretty little
+child was engaged to sit in his studio, but as that day he was going to
+Hengler's Circus to paint the background he, to the delight of the
+child, took her with him. The little girl played about in the ring, and
+was noticed by Mr. Hengler, who asked her if she would like to be
+dressed up and play in the same ring at night. This led to the child
+becoming a professional. She enchanted everyone as Cinderella. Her name
+was Connie Gilchrist. I fell in love with her myself when I was in my
+teens and first saw her as Cinderella. Afterwards when I came to London
+I was as ignorant as a Lord Chief Justice as to who Connie Gilchrist
+was; but I recollect a model sitting to me recommending my writing to
+her younger sister for some figures she thought her sister would suit.
+The day was fixed, but by the morning's post I received a letter from
+the young lady to say that Mr. Hollingshead, of the Gaiety Theatre, had
+sent for her, and she could not sit to me. She was Connie Gilchrist, and
+I believe this was the last engagement she had accepted as a
+professional model.
+
+Telegram from the editor of the _Illustrated London News_:--"Election,
+Liverpool, see to it at once." So I did. On arriving in the evening, I
+rushed off to a "ward meeting," To my surprise the artist of a rival
+paper sat down beside me. He did not frighten me away, but candidly
+confessed that he had seen a private telegram of mine saying I was
+starting, and his editor packed him off by the same train. Ha! I must be
+equal to him! I sat up all night and drew a page on wood, ready for
+engraving, and sent it off by the first train in the morning. It was in
+the press before my rival's rough notes left Liverpool. One would hardly
+think, to see candles stuck in my boots, that the hotel was the Old
+Adelphi. I trust the "special" of the future will find the electric
+light, or a better supply of bedroom candlesticks. All day again
+sketching, and all night hard at work, burning the midnight oil (I was
+nearly writing boots). A slice of luck kept me awake in the early
+morning. A knock at my door, and to my surprise a friend walked in who
+had come down by a night train for a "daily" and seeing my name in the
+visitors' book had looked me up, thinking I could give him some "tips."
+"All right," I said; "a bargain: you sit for me and I'll talk. Here,
+stand like this"--the Liberal candidate. "Capital! Now round like
+this"--the Conservative. "Drawn from life! And after another day of this
+kind of thing, I reached home without having had an hour's sleep. Oh! a
+"special's" life is not a happy one.
+
+[Illustration: AN ALL-NIGHT SITTING.]
+
+Great political excitement, there is no doubt, turns men's heads. Once I
+recollect finding a most dignified provincial politician in this state,
+and necessity compelled me to turn him into a sketching-stool. Mr.
+Gladstone was speaking at Bingley Hall, Birmingham, and although close
+to him on the platform, I could not, being only five feet two, see over
+the heads of others when all stood to cheer. I mentioned this fact to my
+neighbour. "Oh, you must not miss this scene!" he said, and quickly,
+without ceremony, he had me on his back, his bald head serving as an
+easel. It has struck me since that had this old gentleman, a big man in
+his native town, and still bigger in his own estimation, seen himself as
+others saw him at that moment, the probability is that he would not
+have felt anything like so kindly to me as I did to him.
+
+[Illustration: SKETCHES AT THE LIVERPOOL ELECTION: A WARD MEETING.--SEE
+PAGE 138.
+
+_Reduction of Page Design. Brush Drawing on wood, made after election
+meeting at night, and despatched to London by early morning train. See
+the Confessions of a Special Artist._]
+
+Another instance of a special artist having to depend upon his wits was
+when I found myself at a big central manufacturing town, sent down in a
+hurry from London by the _Illustrated London News_ to illustrate a most
+important election meeting--an election upon which the fate of the
+Government of the day depended. When I arrived the mills had been
+closed, crowds were in the streets, and it would have been a simple
+matter to have got into Mafeking compared with getting into the hall in
+which the meeting was at the time being held.
+
+[Illustration: MY EASEL. DRAWING MR. GLADSTONE AT A PUBLIC MEETING.]
+
+If there is one thing I dislike more than another it is a crowd,
+particularly an electioneering crowd. Political fever is a bad malady,
+even when one is impervious to it, if he has to fight his way through an
+infected mob. Quickly slipping round to the principal hotel, and finding
+there the carriages engaged for the celebrities of the meeting, I got
+into one and was driven rapidly up to the hall, cheered by the mob, who
+doubtless looked upon me as some active politician. Had I put my head
+out of the window and promised them any absurdity, I believe they would
+have chosen me their member on the spot. Arriving at the hall, I was
+received by the tipstaffs, who, probably not catching my name
+distinctly, thought as the hotel people had done, that I was sent down
+in some official capacity, and politely ushered me to the platform,
+where I was given a seat in the front row.
+
+Ah, you little know the difficulties of the poor artist in running his
+subjects to earth. When in New York I was specially engaged by the _New
+York Herald_ to contribute a series of studies of the leading public
+men. These were to appear in the Sunday edition.
+
+Those Sunday papers! What gluttons for reading the Americans are! The
+first Sabbath morning I was in the States I telephoned in an off-hand
+sort of way from my bedroom for "some Sunday papers." I went on
+dressing, and somehow forgot my order, but on leaving, or rather
+attempting to leave, my room afterwards, I found to my astonishment the
+doorway completely blocked with newspapers to the quantity of several
+tons. I rang my bell vigorously. The attendant arrived, and seemed
+considerably amused at my look of consternation. He explained to me that
+these were five of the Sunday papers, and added apologetically that they
+were all he could get at present. If I had stayed to read through that
+pile I should be in the States now.
+
+[Illustration: THE AMERICAN SUNDAY PAPERS.]
+
+The first "subject" I was requested to caricature was the celebrated
+sensational preacher, Dr. Parkhurst. When I arrived at his church it was
+crowded to the doors, and I could not get near him. A churchwarden told
+me to sit down where I was, but I put my hand to my ear and shook my
+head, as much as to say "I do not hear you." Then one churchwarden said
+to the other churchwarden, "This man is deaf, he doesn't hear; I was
+telling him to sit down--"
+
+"Pardon me, but are you speaking?" I whispered. "I regret to say that I
+am very deaf. I came specially from London to hear your great preacher,
+and I should not like to return without gratifying this one desire I
+have."
+
+"Say, is your wife here to-day?" asked one churchwarden of the other.
+
+"No, she is sick at home."
+
+"Could not you squeeze this funny little Britisher into your pew?"
+
+"Guess I could."
+
+So they beckoned to me to follow them, and I was ushered up the aisle
+and sat under the Doctor. The result of that little manoeuvre was that
+I did my work in peace, although sadly troubled to see his face in
+consequence of the church being dark and the reading lamp hiding portion
+of it.
+
+In America introductions are superfluous, so knowing Dr. Parkhurst came
+over in the _Germanic_, the same ship that I travelled in some months
+later, I walked boldly after the service into his room, shook him by the
+hand, and mentioned in a familiar way the officers of the ship, the
+storm, and other matters connected with his journey, and in that way had
+the chance of ten minutes' chat and a closer observation of his facial
+expression.
+
+It may happen, even when everything is carefully prepared to make the
+visit of a special artist easy and comfortable, that work may be
+difficult to accomplish. I must go to the United States for an
+illustration of what I mean.
+
+Some years ago I met Max O'Rell at a London club, and was introduced by
+him to a very English-looking gentleman with an American accent, who
+immediately said:
+
+"Glad to meet you, Mr. Furniss. When you come over to the States we must
+put you on the grill!"
+
+What did he mean? I looked at Max. Max turned pale, and seemed for a
+moment to lose his self-possession, then hurriedly whispered in my ear:
+
+"Jolly good fellow--very witty--president of strange club in America
+where they chaff their guests--see my last book!"
+
+I recollected reading about a club that goes in for roasting as well as
+toasting its guests, and replied:
+
+"Strange!" I said. "I always thought the Americans were in advance of
+the English; yet here in my country we do not put the Furniss on the
+grill, but the grill on the furnace!"
+
+Max laughed and looked relieved, and said:
+
+"You'll do--they'll let you off easy. A Frenchman can't stand chaff, so
+I sat down."
+
+He had stood the fire of the enemy upon the field of battle, but he
+couldn't stand the fusillade of wit from the Americans at their dinner
+table.
+
+The stranger was no other than Major Moses P. Handy, afterwards "Chief
+of Department of Publicity and Promotion at the World's Columbian
+Exposition, Chicago;" so when I found myself in the "Windy City" as an
+unattached "special" from the Old World to the New "World's Fair," I
+called at Rand-McNally Buildings, not to be put on the grill, but to be
+put in possession of some facts concerning that great "Exposition."
+
+[Illustration: MAJOR HANDY.]
+
+Sometimes there is a great deal in a name. For instance, the late Major
+Handy at once indicated the man--handy, always ready with tongue, hands
+and legs. He handed me round the city, told me of its wonders, and sent
+me off enraptured to the "Exposition." Here I was met by one of the
+staff, and escorted all over the skeleton of what eventually proved to
+be the most wonderful "Exposition," Exhibition, World's Fair, or
+whatever you like to call it, that the New World had ever seen.
+
+The gentleman in possession who met me and acted as my guide was a
+clean-cut featured, smooth-faced, typical American, "full of wise saws
+and modern instances" and--tobacco juice. He had a merry wit, and his
+running commentary would have been invaluable "copy" to America's pet
+humourist, Bill Nye.
+
+I had a pencil in the pocket in one side of my coat, and a note-book in
+the pocket in the other side, but the carriage in which I was driven
+about rushed on so over the rough ground and "corduroy roads" and hills
+and chasms, that I found it a matter of utter impossibility to get the
+pencil and the book out together, and, therefore, the facts I give about
+the "Exposition" may want verification, for my worthy guide kept firing
+them into me with the rapidity of a Maxim or a Hotchkiss.
+
+[Illustration: THE WORLD'S FAIR, CHICAGO. A "SPECIAL'S" VISIT.]
+
+"Now here is the Manufactures and Liberal Arts Building. Guess the
+largest building ever erected--1,641,223 feet long, 17,894 feet high--"
+Down goes the trap on one side, plunging into some excavation, like a
+double-harnessed Roman chariot. However, we scrambled up again, but I
+had lost the important figure of the width of the building. Now I don't
+for a moment wish to imply that my guide was exaggerating, but this
+rather reminds me of a story told of an American visiting England, and
+his host there one day remarked to him:
+
+"My dear fellow, we are delighted with you here--in fact, you are quite
+a favourite; but you will excuse me if I tell you that you possess one
+failing pretty general with your countrymen--you do exaggerate so!"
+
+"Guess I kean't help it, but if you'll just kindly give me a kick under
+the table when I'm going too far I'll pull up sharp!"
+
+With this agreement they went out to dinner that evening, and among
+other topics the conversation turned upon conservatories. Captain de
+Vere said that he had a conservatory 200 feet long, but that the Duke of
+Orchid had one nearly 1,000 feet long. The American here struck in with:
+
+"I reckon, gentlemen, you're talking about conserva_tor_ies. Now there's
+a friend of mine in Amurrca, a private gentleman, who has a
+conserva_tor_y 5,000 feet long, 3,000 feet high, and" (kick)--"oh!--2
+feet wide!"
+
+But had I heard the figures representing the width of the building, I
+don't suppose they would have been in the same absurd proportion as
+this, for not all the shin-kicking in the world would have deterred my
+entertaining and conversational conductor.
+
+"You must assemble together in your mind's eye all the mighty structures
+already existing in the world to form any idea of the magnitude of this
+_tre_menjious edifice before you. It is sixteen times as large as St.
+Peter's Cathedral at Rome, Westminster Abbey and St. Paul's Cathedral
+would nestle together in its ventilating shaft, and the whole of the
+armies of Europe could sit down comfortably to dinner in the central
+hall. The Tower of London would be lost under one of the staircases, and
+fifty Cleopatra's Needles stuck one on top of the other would not
+scratch the roof. The building cost fifty million six hundred and
+eighty-four thousand two hundred dollars seventy-five cents, and----" On
+dashed the horses in their wild career.
+
+Down we went, I thought into the bed of Lake Michigan, but in an instant
+we were up again, my hat in one direction and my stick in another, and I
+was well shaken before being taken to the next building.
+
+"Say, Mr. Furniss, the roads are not complete yet, but you mustn't mind
+these little ups and downs. Guess these horses would pull through
+anything--brought 'em right away from the fire-engine shed, considerable
+fresh!"
+
+At this moment a train came puffing along laden with masses of ironwork
+for the central building. The horses shied at the smoky monster, turned
+a somersault (at least, so it seemed to me), and we nearly took a header
+into the lake again; but the charioteer managed to turn them just in
+time, and the fiery fire-engine steeds snorted past their iron brother,
+eclipsing even his noise and steam.
+
+[Illustration: "ON DASHED THE HORSES IN THEIR WILD CAREER."]
+
+I now began to feel thoroughly happy, but I kept a watchful eye on those
+gee-gees, and as we skipped over impromptu bridges, whizzed round the
+corners of newly-made piles, and bumped over incomplete parapets, I
+quite enjoyed myself; but somehow or other I couldn't quite manage to
+catch all the marvellous details respecting the buildings we were
+passing. I was qualifying myself for the Volunteer Fire Brigade. But our
+steeds were reined in for a moment while my guide pointed out to me the
+Dairy Building.
+
+"I reckon, sir," he said, "that dairy will be an eye-opener. It'll be
+_soo_perb, and I guess it won't be long after the opening of the show
+that they'll be turning out gold-edged butter!"
+
+Off we go again, over mounds and down dykes, jumping rocks and shooting
+rapids, and I am certain that had our conveyance been a milk-cart,
+butter, gold-edged or otherwise, would have been produced pretty soon.
+We pull up with a jerk opposite the Agricultural Building.
+
+"The building is 5,000 by 8,000 feet, design bold and heroic. On each
+corner and from the centre of the building are reared pavilions."
+
+"Indeed!" I said. "Are they reared by incubators, or upon some special
+soil from the fertile tracts of the Far West?"
+
+My guide did not evidently deem my question worthy an answer, and
+continued:
+
+"Surmounted by a mammoth glass dome 460 feet high, constructed on
+purpose to accommodate the giant Pennsylvania pumpkin we're having
+raised specially for the Exposition. That pumpkin will be hollowed out,
+and 600 people will be able to sit down together at once in its
+interior."
+
+"Now we'll go to the Transportation Building," said my indefatigable
+conductor to the driver.
+
+"Bless me!" I thought; "is this a convict prison? Are we to have
+visitors from Sing Sing, and am I to see some of my friends from
+Portland and Dartmoor? Will there be a model of the Bastille, and a
+contingent of escaped refugees from the mines of Siberia? Or is the
+building an enormous concern for the transport of visitors to and from
+the Exposition?"
+
+"Say, Mr. Furniss, this is the most original conception in the whole
+Exposition. You'll see contrasted here every mode of transport, and a
+complete train, with a display of locomotives never before attempted,
+will be quite _stu_pendous! To quote the guidebook: 'There will be at
+least 100 engines exhibited, and placed so as to face each other,' and
+every day we will have a steam tournament. Guess it will be a case of
+the survival of the fittest of the engines when they meet! Visitors fond
+of railway accidents can be despatched with a completeness only to be
+witnessed in the stock-yards of this great city!"
+
+This ghastly suggestion had the effect of making me feel more
+comfortable than ever.
+
+We had been some hours driving through this wonderful skeleton city.
+The last dying rays of the setting sun, sinking behind the sweeping
+prairies of the far, far West, lit up the horizon with a blood-red glow,
+and, as the shades of evening began to descend and envelop the embryo
+Exposition, the driver turned the horses' heads whence we had
+come--towards the sunset.
+
+The animals snorted, their nostrils inflated, their eyes glistened, and,
+with tails erect, they tore off straight ahead at a tremendous rate.
+They couldn't understand why they had been driven aimlessly about all
+this time; but now they saw the glare, as they thought, of the fire--the
+glare they had been accustomed to regard as the beacon to guide them to
+their goal--a goal which had to be reached with lightning speed.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+It seemed as if we were flying through a beautiful place destroyed by
+the ravages of fire, for in the dim evening light the outlined houses
+gave one the impression that they formed a city dead, not a city
+newly-born.
+
+Away to the Wild West of the Exposition we flew, and were eventually
+pulled up outside of one of the larger and more complete buildings. My
+faculties had been about all shaken out of me by this time, and I was so
+bewildered by the chaos of figures in my brain--all that were left of
+the volumes that had been poured into my ears--that I had to be all but
+lifted out of the fire-engine trap by my good guide. He said, in an
+undertone:
+
+"Now I'm going to show you something we keep a profound secret."
+
+Making a supreme effort, I dispersed temporarily the armies of figures
+conflicting in my unfortunate head, and became once more a rational
+being, so as to appreciate fully this visual tit-bit reserved to the
+last. We entered the structure. What was it? A mortuary, a
+dissecting-chamber, or a pantomime property-room? Numbers of ghost-like
+beings with bared arms streaming with an opaque-white liquid appeared to
+be engaged in some ghoulish machinations. Mutilated figures of gigantic
+creatures lay strewn about in reckless confusion. It seemed as if
+pigmies were butchering giants; and in the dim, weird light among these
+uncanny surroundings my jumbled imagination whispered to me that, after
+all, this stupendous Exhibition I had just rushed through could not
+possibly be the work of the insignificant little men who swarmed all
+over the colossal buildings in such ridiculously absurd proportion to
+their pretended handiwork.
+
+[Illustration: THE CHARNEL-HOUSE, CHICAGO'S WORLD FAIR.]
+
+No, these giants had performed this herculean undertaking, and were now
+being cut up--the reward of many who attempt such ambitious tasks. In
+reality, though, this charnel-house was the sculptors' studio, in which
+were modelled the gigantic figures which were to be placed on the
+buildings and about the grounds.
+
+Now were I to design a model for a statue to be placed in the
+Exposition, it would certainly be one of my excellent and entertaining
+companion, who proved himself a model conductor, a model of an American
+gentleman, and one who is justly proud, as all Americans must be, of
+the greatness and thoroughness of the most splendid and most interesting
+Exhibition ever recorded in the annals of their great country.
+
+            *       *       *       *       *
+
+One day I slipped up to 10, Downing Street, to make a note of that very
+ordinary, albeit mystical, abode of English Premiers and officials. The
+eagle eye of the policeman was upon me, and he was soon at my side
+subjecting me to minute examination. My explanation satisfied him that
+the only lead I had about me was encased in wood for the purpose of
+drawing, and that the substance in my hand was not dynamite, but
+innocent indiarubber, for wiping out people and places only of my own
+creation. "Ah, sir, there ain't much to see there, unless the 'all
+porter's a-lookin' out of the winder. But you ought ter be 'ere in the
+mornin' and see the Premier a-shavin' of 'imself, with a piece of old
+lookin'-glass stuck up on the winder ter see 'imself in--just wot the
+likes of us would do!"
+
+So I, as a "special," was allowed to make a sketch of the outside of the
+famous No. 10. Not long afterwards I happened to be standing in the same
+place with a number of journalists and a crowd of the public when a
+political crisis drew all attention to the Cabinet, the members of which
+were arriving at intervals, recognised and cheered by the curious. As
+the door opened to allow one of the members of the Cabinet to enter, a
+certain official noticed me standing on the opposite side of the street.
+To my surprise he beckoned to me, and said, "I have been waiting to see
+you, Mr. Furniss, for a long time. I have some sketches in the house
+here I want you to see whenever you can honour me with a visit."
+
+"No time like the present moment," I said.
+
+Before the official realised that the present moment was a dangerous one
+for the admittance of strangers I was taken into the house. While
+examining the works of art in the official's private room a knock came
+to the door, which necessitated his leaving me. The moment of the
+"special" had arrived--now or never for a Cabinet Council! I was down
+the passage, and in a few minutes stood in the presence of the Cabinet,
+when Mr. Gladstone, the Premier, was addressing Lord Granville and the
+others, who were seated, and just as the Duke of Devonshire (then Lord
+Hartington) pushed by me into the room, I was seized by the alarmed
+official. Of course I apologised for my stupidity in taking the wrong
+turning, and I asked him about Mr. Gladstone's three mysterious hats in
+the hall, which he informed me Mr. Gladstone always had by him,--three
+hats symbolic of his oratorical peculiarity of using the well-known
+phrase, "There are three courses open to us."
+
+I patted Lord Hartington's dog on the head, and had quietly taken my
+departure before the official was called into the Cabinet and questioned
+about the "spy" who had so mysteriously interrupted their proceedings.
+
+But what was perhaps a more daring and difficult feat than seeing a
+Cabinet Council was to disturb the "Sage of Queen Anne's Gate" in his
+semi-official residence. It so happened some few years ago I was
+commissioned by an illustrated paper to make a drawing of a peculiar
+scene that took place in the House of Commons. It was Mr. Gladstone's
+only appearance in the Strangers' smoking-room of the House, into which
+he had been lured by the Member for Northampton to attend a performance
+of a thought reader, which Mr. Labouchere had arranged perhaps to show
+his serious interest in the business of the country connected with our
+great Houses of Parliament. Not being present at this show, I had no
+means of getting material, and, being in a hurry, I boldly drove up to
+the house of the "Sage of Queen Anne's Gate." And as I always treat
+people as they treat others, I thought that a little of the Laboucherian
+cheek (shall I substitute the word for confidence?) would not be out of
+place in this instance. The servant took my card, and brought back the
+message that Mr. Labouchere was not at home. As I was at that moment
+actually acting the character of the "Sage," and remembering the
+stories, true or untrue, which he so delights in telling himself about
+his own coolness in matters probably not less important than this, I
+asked the servant to allow me to write a letter to Mr. Labouchere, and I
+was shown into his study, where I sat, and intended to sit, until Mr.
+Labouchere made his appearance. From time to time the servant looked in,
+but the letter was never written. And my thought-reading proved correct.
+Without my pen and pencil I drew Mr. Labouchere. He eventually came
+downstairs, and gave me all the information I required.
+
+            *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration]
+
+London was in darkness. To quote the papers, "Foggy obscuration rested
+over the greater part of its area." And I, in common with millions of
+others, was having my breakfast by gaslight, when I received an
+editorial summons to attend the trial of the Bishop of Lincoln at
+Lambeth Palace. Soon a hansom was at the door, with two lamps outside
+and one within; the latter smelt most horribly, and I found out later on
+that it leaked and had ruined my new overcoat. With an agility quite
+marvellous under the circumstances the horse slipped its slimy way over
+the greasy streets to Lambeth, and dashed through the fog over
+Westminster Bridge in a most reckless manner, which disconcerting
+performance was partly explained by its suddenly stopping at the stable
+door of Sanger's and refusing to budge. I was partially consoled by the
+fact that we were just opposite St. Thomas's Hospital, so that I should
+be in good hands if the worst befell. The fog becoming even denser,
+Sanger's became veiled from the sight of our fiery steed, which
+thereupon consented to slide on towards Lambeth Palace. A sharp turn
+brought us to the gateway, where stood a hearse and string of mourning
+coaches. Was I too late? Had the Bishops passed sentence, and had the
+loved one of Lincoln really been beheaded?
+
+My fears on this point were relieved by a policeman, who restrained my
+driver's energetic endeavours to drive through the wall of the Palace,
+and as my password was "Jeune" (November would have been more
+appropriate on such a morning) I was allowed inside the gates. Here I
+could not see my hand, or anyone else's, in front of me, and after
+stumbling up some steps and down some others I finally flattened my nose
+against a door. Policeman No. 2 suddenly appeared, and turned his
+bull's-eye upon me. I felt that I was doomed to the deepest dungeon
+beneath the castle moat; I thought of the whipping-post I have read of
+in connection with the Palace; of the Guard Room with its pikes and
+instruments of torture, and I trembled. Luckily, however, the rays of
+the lantern fell upon the note in my hand, addressed to Francis Jeune,
+Q.C., and the good-natured "All right, sir. Go hup. 'E's a-speakin'
+now," came as a reprieve.
+
+I stumble into the large historic hall known as the Library, wherein the
+great trial of the Bishop of Lincoln is being held. The weird scene
+strongly resembles the Dream Trial in "The Bells," where the judges,
+counsel, and all concerned are in a fog. I expect the limelight to flash
+suddenly upon the chief actor, the Bishop of Lincoln, as he takes the
+stage and re-acts the part that has caused the trial. The only lights in
+the long and lofty Library, excepting the clerical and legal, are a
+dozen or two wax candles and a few oil-lamps--of daylight, gaslight, or
+electric light, nothing. I can hear the voice of Jeune, Q.C., which
+gladdens my heart amid these sepulchral surroundings, but I see him not.
+As my eyes gradually become accustomed to the strange scene, I find that
+it is composed of three distinct "sets," which present the appearance of
+a muddled-up stage picture when the flats go wrong, and you have a part
+of the Surrey Hills, a corner of Drury Lane and a side of a West End
+drawing-room run on at the same time.
+
+At the further end of the Library we have the Church, very High Church,
+represented by an Archbishop and five Bishops; also a Judge, in a
+full-bottomed wig, who has evidently got in by mistake. Then we have the
+Law, represented by a row of Q.C.'s, their juniors, and attendants; and
+then a chorus of ordinary people and common, or Thames Policemen. These
+are separated by red ropes and some red tape; the latter I cut with my
+self-written passport--my note to the Q.C. who still addresses the
+Court.
+
+[Illustration: THE BISHOP OF LINCOLN'S TRIAL. (_From "Punch."_)]
+
+I have come here to see the Bishop of Lincoln, and I roam about in the
+fog to find him. Ah, that figure! there he is! I immediately sketch him,
+only to find out that the individual in question is the Clerk of the
+Court, or whatever the title of that functionary's equivalent may be in
+Lambeth Palace. What vexes me is that whenever I enquire the whereabouts
+of the Bishop, a warning finger is raised to the lips to denote silence.
+The Bishops sit round three tables, on a raised platform. In the centre
+is the Archbishop of Canterbury; on his right the mysterious Judge, in
+full wig and red robes; here is the Vicar-General, Sir James Parker
+Deane, Q.C.; next to him sits Assessor Dr. Atlay, Bishop of Hereford,
+who looks anything but happy, his hair presenting the appearance of
+being blown about by a strong draught, while his hand is raised to his
+face, suggesting that the draught had caused toothache. The portly
+Bishop of Oxford on his right, like the other corner man, the Bishop of
+Salisbury, scribbles away at a great rate in a huge manuscript book or
+roll of foolscap. On the left of the Archbishop sits the Bishop of
+London, who severely interrogates the Counsel, and evidently relishes
+acting the schoolmaster once more. The Bishop of Rochester, sitting on
+London's left, supplies the element of comedy as far as facial
+expression goes, and his wide-open mouth and papers held in front of him
+lead me to expect him to burst into song at any moment. But where is
+_the_ Bishop--the Bishop of Lincoln? Ah, now I see him, in one of those
+side courts, and I forthwith sketch him, marvelling at my stupidity in
+not identifying him before. I write his name under the sketch, and show
+it to one of the reporters. He scribbles "Wrong man" across it. Done
+again! I write, "Then where is he?" He waves me away, as Mr. Jeune is
+quoting some extraordinary document six hundred years old in reply to
+Sir Horace Davey's authority, which only dates back five hundred and
+ninety-nine years. It suddenly occurs to me that the Bishop is beside
+his Counsel at the other end of the long table, but, alas! there is a
+candle in front of him. This is all I can see, so I make my way to the
+other side of the table, only to discover that my Bishop is an old lady.
+I write on a piece of paper, "Where does the Bishop of Lincoln sit?" and
+take it to an official. It is too dark to read, so some time is lost
+while he takes my memorandum to a candle. He looks across at me, and
+points to a corner.
+
+At last! good! The old gentleman in the corner is in plain clothes, it
+is true, but still he looks every inch a Bishop. I cautiously approach
+to a coign of vantage close beside him, and have just finished a careful
+study of him, when he turns round to me and whispers, "Please, sir, can
+you tell me which is the Bishop of Lincoln?" I shake my head angrily,
+and move away. This is really humbug. I'll bide my time, and take
+Counsel's opinion--I'll ask Mr. Jeune. He is just occupied in answering
+the hundred and seventh question of the Bishop of London, and is being
+"supported" by Sir Walter Phillimore. Indeed, it amuses me to see the
+way in which these two clever Counsel, when in a fog (and are we not all
+in one?), hold an animated legal conversation between themselves, and
+totally ignore the Bishops--not that the latter seem to mind, for they
+scribble away merrily. An evil suspicion creeps into my head that they
+are seizing the opportunity to write their next Sunday's sermons.
+
+In the meantime I discover that one of the little side courts is
+converted into a studio, with an easel and canvas. I approach my brother
+brush, feeling that he, or she, or both (for a lady and a gentleman were
+jointly at work upon a picture of the Trial, in black and white--the
+black was visible, but there was no chance of seeing the white) will
+tell me where I can catch a glimpse of the Bishop of Lincoln. I whisper
+the question. But a "Hush!" goes up from the H'Usher, and the artists,
+sympathising with me in my dilemma, obtain a candle and point out the
+Bishop to me in their picture. I slip away in search of that face. Its
+owner ought to be near his Counsel. The severe Sir Horace Davey sits
+writing letters; next him is the affable Dr. Tristram, then the rubicund
+Mr. Danckwerts, but no Bishop--in fact, there is no one of public
+interest to be seen; probably they have not come, as to-day is to be a
+half-holiday. It is now one o'clock, and the Bishops rise to go to the
+Levee. I pounce upon Francis Jeune, Q.C., and gasp, "Where, oh, where is
+the Bishop of Lincoln? Quick! I want to sketch him before he leaves."
+"Oh, he's not here--never comes near the place!"
+
+The play is over for the day. I have seen "Hamlet" with the Prince left
+out.
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER IV.
+
+THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ILLUSTRATOR--A SERIOUS CHAPTER.
+
+  Drawing--"Hieroglyphics"--Clerical Portraiture--A Commission from
+   General Booth--In Search of Truth--Sir Walter Besant--James Payn--Why
+   Theodore Hook was Melancholy--"Off with his Head"--Reformers'
+   Tree--Happy Thoughts--Christmas Story--Lewis Carroll--The Rev. Charles
+   Lutwidge Dodgson--Sir John Tenniel--The Challenge--Seven Years'
+   Labour--A Puzzle MS.--Dodgson on Dress--Carroll on Drawing--Sylvie and
+   Bruno--A Composite Picture--My Real Models--I am very Eccentric--My
+   "Romps"--A Letter from du Maurier--Caldecott--Tableaux--Fine
+   Feathers--Models--Fred Barnard--The Haystack--A Wicket Keeper--A Fair
+   Sitter--Neighbours--The Post-Office Jumble--Puzzling the
+   Postmen--Writing Backwards--A Coincidence.
+
+[Illustration: If]
+
+
+If I confess as a caricaturist, surely I need not caricature my
+confessions by any mock-modesty. Although I have illustrated novels,
+short stories, fairy tales, poems, parodies, satires, and _jeux
+d'esprit_, for the realistic, the fanciful, the weirdly imaginative and
+the broadly humorous, as my _Punch_ colleague, E. T. Milliken, wrote, my
+more distinctive, natural and favourite _metier_ is that of graphic art.
+This intimate friend, in publishing his "appreciation" of me, put in his
+own too highly-coloured opinion of my black and white work in this
+direction. I blush to quote it:
+
+[Illustration: MAJUBA HILL. DRAWN BY HARRY FURNISS.
+    _Reproduced by permission of the proprietors of the "Illustrated
+    London News."_]
+
+"And they are in error who imagine Mr. Furniss's powers to be
+substantially limited to political satire or Parliamentary caricature.
+Much of the work he has already given to the public, and perhaps more of
+that which he has not yet published, but of which his chosen familiars
+are aware, will prove that in more serious or imaginative work, in
+strong, vivid realism as well as in frolic fancy, in landscape as well
+as in life, in the picturesque as well as in the humorous, he can
+display a notable mastery."
+
+This confession of one of my "chosen familiars" I have the pluck to
+reprint, as an answer to those unknown strangers who so frequently write
+me down as "a conventional comic draughtsman of funny ill-drawn little
+figures." "What shall I call him?" said one; "a master of
+hieroglyphics?" Well, if I am commissioned to draw humorous
+hieroglyphics, I do my best to master their difficulties. Caricature
+pure and simple is not the art I either care for or succeed in
+practising as well as I do in my less known more serious and more
+finished work. When I joined _Punch_, at the age of twenty-six, I had
+had nine-tenths of my time previous to that occupied (ever since I was
+fifteen years of age) in drawing far more elaborate and finished work
+than would be in keeping in a periodical such as _Punch_. _Punch_
+required "funny little figures," and I supplied them; but my _metier_, I
+must confess, was work requiring more demand upon direct draughtsmanship
+and power. I am a funny man, a caricaturist, by force of circumstances;
+an artist, a satirist, and a cartoonist by nature and training. The one
+requires technical knowledge--in the other, "drawing doesn't count." The
+more amateurish the work, the funnier the public consider it. The
+serious confession I have to make is that I have been mistaken for a
+caricaturist in the accepted and limited meaning of the term.
+
+"It is the ambition of every low comedian to play Hamlet, that of every
+caricaturist to be able to paint a picture which shall be worthy of a
+place on the walls of the National Gallery," are my own words on the
+platform; but I do not essay to play Hamlet on the platform, nor do I
+paint pictures for posterity in my studio. Therefore I do not place
+myself in the category of either, for I am neither a low comedian nor
+am I strictly and solely a mere caricaturist. This fact is perhaps not
+generally known to the public, but it is known to the publishers, and
+when a Society Church paper wished to present a series of
+supplements--portraits of the leading clergy--I was selected as the
+artist. The portrait of Canon Liddon, which is here very much reduced,
+is one of these.
+
+[Illustration: CANON LIDDON. A SKETCH FROM LIFE.]
+
+And furthermore I received a commission from General Booth, which
+unfortunately, through pressure of work, I was unable to undertake, to
+make a study of Mrs. Booth, who was at the time on her death-bed,
+suffering from cancer, which the General was "exceedingly anxious" to
+reproduce and issue to his Army, as he had "never yet been able to
+secure a good photograph, although frequent attempts had been made by
+eminent London photographers."
+
+I must confirm, a confession I made some years ago to the editor of the
+_Magazine of Art_ regarding some of the difficulties with which artists
+illustrating books have to contend. In that I questioned whether authors
+and artists worked sufficiently together. Few authors are as
+conscientious as Dickens was, or, in fact, care to consult with their
+illustrators at all. In operatic work the librettist and composer must
+work hand in hand. Should not the artist do likewise?
+
+Undoubtedly there are some writers who take great trouble to see their
+subject from the artistic standpoint. One sensational writer with whom I
+am acquainted will make a complete model in cardboard of his "Haunted
+Grange," so as to avoid absurdities in the working out of the tale. The
+"Blood-stained Tower" is therefore always in its place, and the
+"Assassin's Door" and "Ghost's Window" do not change places, to the
+bewilderment of the keen-witted reader. Many writers, on the other hand,
+show an extraordinary carelessness, or, shall I say, agility? "Hilarity
+Hall" or "Stucco Castle" is supposed to be a firm erection, capable of
+withstanding storm, or, if necessary, siege; whereas the artist too
+often detects the author turning it inside out and upside down to suit
+his convenience, like the mechanical quick-change scenes in our modern
+realistic dramas.
+
+It may seem strange, but I have never found over-conscientiousness in
+seeking to secure "local colour" meet with the slightest reward. Two
+instances among many similar experiences which have fallen to my lot
+will serve to show my ground for making this observation.
+
+Those who have read Sir Walter Besant's delightful but little known "All
+in a Garden Fair" (it is interesting to know that this was
+semi-autobiographical, and that its original title was "All in a Garden
+Green") will recollect the minute description of the locality in which
+the opening scenes take place. The author and I "talked it over." He
+told me the exact spot where the story was laid--a village a good many
+miles from London. The next day, provided with exact information, my
+wife and I went by train to the station nearest to the village in
+question, and then, taking a "trap," went on a voyage of discovery.
+First, however, we endeavoured to gain some useful directions from the
+proprietor of the hotel where we lunched, but, to our surprise, he knew
+of no such village. The driver of our "conveyance" was equally unlearned
+concerning the object of our search.
+
+[Illustration: [Handwritten note]]
+
+"Strange," said I, "how these country people ignore all the beauties and
+graceful associations that are around them--they don't even know of the
+existence of this idyllic village."
+
+Nothing daunted, I undertook to pilot the party to the place, and after
+a lovely drive we reached the spot where the village ought to be. Here I
+saw a kind of model hotel, and, I think, a shanty of some description;
+the rest was an ordinary English landscape. I hardened my heart, and
+patiently sketched the building, which, of course, was not there at the
+period the story referred to, and some details of the place where a
+village only existed in the author's imagination.
+
+When next I saw Sir Walter Besant, he tried to console me with the
+assurance that there certainly must have been a village there some
+centuries ago!
+
+[Illustration: THE LATE SIR WALTER BESANT.]
+
+Besides being a wit and a delightful conversationalist, Sir Walter was
+the most practical and businesslike of authors. It was a treat to meet
+him, as I frequently did, walking into Town, and enjoy his vivacious
+humour. I recollect one morning, speaking of illustrators, mentioning
+the fact that Cruikshank always imagined that Dickens had taken "Oliver
+Twist," merely endowing it with literary merit here and there, and
+palming it off as his own!
+
+"Ah!" said Besant, "how funny! Do you know, I overheard two of my little
+girls talking a few mornings ago, and one said to the other, 'Papa does
+not write all his stories, you know--Charlie Green helps him.'"
+
+(Green was at the time illustrating Besant's "Chaplain of the Fleet.")
+
+[Illustration: THE "JETTY."]
+
+My second instance occurred about the same period. The author was the
+most delightful and entertaining of literary men of our time, Mr. James
+Payn. I was selected to illustrate the serial story in the _Illustrated
+London News_, and as in that also the author minutely describes the
+scene of the semi-historical romance, I, being a thoroughly
+conscientious artist, visited James Payn, then editor of _Cornhill_, in
+his editorial den in Waterloo Place, to talk the matter over. My notes
+were: "Jetty--Lovers meet--Ancient church--Old houses." But the "Jetty"
+was _the_ important object--I must get that. I therefore started for the
+South Coast. Again I was forced to bow down before my author's
+wonderful powers of imagination, for once more, in company with my wife,
+with a hireling to carry my sketching stool and materials, I walked a
+great distance in search of the jetty. Vain, vain! not a ghost of a
+jetty was to be seen. The menial could not enlighten us. At last we
+unearthed the "oldest inhabitant," who took us back to where a few
+sticks in the water alone marked where it stood "a many years ago." I
+tried to develop some of the powers of the late Professor Owen, when he
+constructed an animal from the smallest bone, and succeeded in
+"evolving" a jetty from the green remains of four wooden posts.
+
+I forgave Payn as I forgave Besant. Both men were as genial as they were
+eminent, and but for the circumstances of illustrating their stories I
+might not have enjoyed their acquaintanceship. I also illustrated Payn's
+most charming story, "The Talk of the Town," for _Cornhill Magazine_. I
+never enjoyed any work of the kind so well as this--it has always been
+my regret Payn did not write another of the same period. I recollect,
+when I first saw him in Waterloo Place, I had just read an article of
+his in which he gave a recipe for getting rid of callers, which was to
+bring the conversation to an abrupt termination, say absolutely nothing,
+but steadfastly stare at your visitor until he left. I can vouch for its
+being a simple and effective plan.
+
+[Illustration: ILLUSTRATION FOR "THE TALK OF THE TOWN" (REDUCED).
+            _By permission of the proprietors of "Cornhill Magazine."_]
+
+When I entered his editorial sanctum the genial essayist received me
+most cordially, and looked the picture of comfort, surrounded as he was
+by a heterogeneous collection of pipes. Presently, through the clouds of
+smoke through which he had chatted in that lively, vivacious manner
+peculiarly his own, he knocked the ashes out of his finished pipe and
+mutely stared point-blank at me till I, like the pipe, went out also.
+But before making my exit I reminded him that I had read the article I
+refer to, up to which he was no doubt acting, and that I was pleased and
+interested that he practised the doctrine he preached. Possibly this
+remark of mine was unexpected, and therefore somewhat disconcerted him
+for a moment, for he quickly replied, "Not at all! not at all! Fact is,
+I was rather upset before you came in by a miserable man who called to
+see me, and at the moment I was, _a propos_ of him, thinking of a funny
+story about Theodore Hook I came across last night I never heard before.
+Poor Hook was at a smart dinner one evening, but instead of being as
+usual the life and soul of the party, he proved the wet blanket on the
+merry meeting, despite the fact that he, in all probability, had imbibed
+his stiff glass of brandy to get him up to his usual form before
+entering the house at which he was entertained. This most unusual phase
+of Hook's character surprised everybody present, so much so that his
+host ventured to remark that the volatile Theodore did not seem so merry
+as usual.
+
+"'Merry? I should think not! I should like to see anyone merry who has
+gone through what I have this afternoon!'
+
+"'What was that?' asked everyone, with one voice.
+
+"'Well, I'll tell you,' said Hook. 'I have just come up from York in the
+stage coach, and I was rather late in taking my seat; the top was
+occupied to the full, so I had no alternative but to become an inside
+passenger. The only other occupant of the interior was a melancholy
+individual rolled up in a corner. He had donned his great-coat, the
+collar of which was turned right up over his ears. He stolidly sat
+there, never uttering a word, until I became fascinated by his weird
+appearance. By-and-by the sun sank below the western horizon, the inside
+of the coach became darker and darker, and more ghastly seemed the
+cadaverous stranger as the blackness increased. The strain was too much
+for me. I could not keep silent another minute.
+
+"'My good sir,' I said, 'whatever is the matter with you?'"
+
+"'I'll tell you,' he slowly muttered. 'Some months ago I invested in two
+tickets in a great lottery, but when I told my wife of the speculation I
+had indulged in she nagged and nagged at me to such a frightful extent
+that at last I sold the tickets.'
+
+"'Well?'
+
+"'Well, do you know, sir, to-day those two numbers won the two first
+prizes, and those two prizes represent a sum of money of colossal
+magnitude!'
+
+"'Goodness gracious me!' I shouted. 'If that had happened to me it would
+have driven me to desperation! In fact I really believe that I should
+have been frantic enough to cut my throat!'
+
+"'Why, that's just what I have done!' replied the stranger, as he turned
+down his collar. 'Look here!'"
+
+[Illustration: "THAT'S JUST WHAT I HAVE DONE!"]
+
+This ghastly tale reminds me of one of my earliest and most trying
+experiences in illustrating stories. I had made a very careful drawing
+to illustrate a startling episode in a novel by Mrs. Henry Wood.
+Naturally it was designed on a block, and represented the hero having
+just swallowed poison after committing a murder. The face in the drawing
+was everything, and I had taken the greatest pains to depict in the
+distorted features all the authoress desired--in fact, I was rather
+proud of it. The authoress was pleased, and the block was sent to the
+engraver. I was then about twenty--photographing a drawing on to wood
+was unknown, and process work was not invented--all drawings were made
+on boxwood and engraved by hand. To my horror the engraver returned the
+block to me a week afterwards with an apologetic note. The face had been
+destroyed in the engraver's hands, and he had "plugged the block"--that
+is, another piece of wood had been inserted where the hero's head had
+been, and whitened over, for me to draw another. The rest of the design
+had been engraved. That face gone! How could I conjure it up again on
+that unsightly, isolated patch of block, with all the rest of the
+drawing engraved and therefore my lines undiscernible? I did my best.
+When it was printed it was seen that the face did not fit on the neck
+properly, and to my chagrin I received a sarcastic letter from the
+editor to inform me that I had made a mistake. The hero had swallowed
+poison and had not, as I supposed, cut his head off!
+
+[Illustration: SPECIMEN OF JAMES PAYN'S WRITING.]
+
+Another illustration of the conscientious illustrator in search of the
+truth. I had to introduce the Reformers' Tree, Hyde Park, into a
+picture. Now we are always hearing about the Reformers' Tree in
+reference to demonstrations in the Park, so I went in search of the
+historical stump. The first person to whom I put a question as to its
+whereabouts pointed to a huge tree in flourishing condition. I had just
+sketched in its upper branches when it somehow occurred to me that it
+would be just as well to ask someone else and make assurance doubly
+sure. This time I interrogated a policeman.
+
+"No, that ain't it; that there row of hoaks is wot people calls the
+Reformers' Tree."
+
+I started another sketch on the strength of this statement, but feeling
+a bit dubious over his assertion that the one tree was comprised of a
+whole row, I tackled the "oldest inhabitant," an ancient and pensioned
+park-keeper, who luckily hove in sight.
+
+"Hover there," he replied, gruffly, pointing to a stump that resembled
+the sole remaining molar the old man possessed.
+
+This stump was picturesque. It must be the Reformers' Tree.
+Result--another sketch, which I showed to the gatekeeper at the Marble
+Arch.
+
+"Reformers' Tree? Why, there ain't no such thing in the Park." And I
+really believe there isn't. It is a myth, and merely exists in the
+fertile brain of the descriptive author or the imagination of the
+agitator.
+
+After James Payn's "Talk of the Town" no book has given me such pleasure
+to illustrate as F. C. Burnand's "Incompleat Angler." The combination of
+the picturesqueness of Isaak Walton with the humour of Burnand could not
+be otherwise, but most unfortunately the form of its publication ruined
+the effect of the drawings. Over this, too, the author and I talked--no,
+not exactly--to be exact we laughed over it. I dined with Burnand, and
+afterwards in his study he read it to me, and as he frankly admitted he
+never laughed so much at anything before.
+
+[Illustration: THE TYPICAL LOVERS IN ILLUSTRATIONS OF NOVELS.]
+
+The illustrator's difficulties by no means end when the author is
+satisfied. Many authors give you every facility, and hamper you with no
+impossibilities; but then steps in the editor, especially if he be the
+editor of a "goody" magazine. Novels will be novels, and love and lovers
+will find their way even into the immaculate pages of our monthly
+elevators. I once found it so, and certainly I thought that here was
+plain sailing. A tender interview at the garden gate. She "sighed and
+looked down as Charles Thorndike took her hand"--unavoidable and not
+unacceptable subject. Lovers are all commonplace young men with large
+eyes, long legs, and small moustaches (villains' moustaches grow apace);
+moreover, lovers, I believe, generally take care to avoid observation;
+but no! it appears that "our subscribers" have a stern code which may
+not be lightly infringed. A letter from the editor rebukes my worldly
+ways:
+
+   "DEAR SIR,--Will you kindly give Charles Thorndike a beard, and show
+   an aunt or uncle or some chaperon in the distance; the subject and
+   treatment is hardly suitable otherwise to our young readers."
+
+Sometimes a publisher steps in and arranges everything, regardless of
+all the author and artist may cherish.
+
+Years ago a well-known but not very prosperous publisher sent for me,
+and spoke as follows:
+
+"Now, Mr. F., what I want is to knock the B.P. with Christmas. The story
+is all blood and murder, but don't mind that--you must supply the
+antidote; put in the holly and mistletoe, plenty of snow and
+plum-pudding (the story was a seaside one in summer time). I like John
+Tenniel's work--give us a bit of him, with a dash of Du Maurier and a
+sprinkling of Leech here and there; but none of your Rembrandt
+effects--they are too dark, and don't print up well. Never mind what the
+author says; he hasn't made it Christmas, so you must!"
+
+It is equally difficult to comply with an editorial request such as
+this: "The story I send you is as dull as ditch-water; do please read it
+over and illustrate it with lively pictures."
+
+But some authors are their own publishers, and they are then generally
+more careful of the illustrations. Perhaps the most exacting of all
+authors was "Lewis Carroll."
+
+[Illustration: T]
+
+The name of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson is practically unknown outside of
+Oxford University, where he was mathematical lecturer of Christ Church;
+but the name and fame of "Lewis Carroll," author of those inimitable
+books for children, both young and old, "Alice's Adventures in
+Wonderland" and "Through the Looking-glass and what Alice found there,"
+are known and beloved all over the world. His first book for children,
+"Alice's Adventures," was published at a time exactly to suit me. I was
+just eleven--_the_ age to be first impressed by the pen of Carroll and
+the pencil of Tenniel.
+
+When I, a little, a very little boy in knickerbockers, first enjoyed the
+adventures of Alice and worshipped the pen and the pencil which recorded
+them, I little thought I would some day work hand in hand with the
+author, and when that day did arrive I regretted that I had not been
+born twenty-two years before I had, for for me to follow Tenniel was
+quite as difficult and unsatisfactory a task as for Carroll to follow
+Carroll. The worst of it was that I was conscious of this, and Lewis
+Carroll was not. Fortunately for me Sylvie was not like her prototype
+Alice; the illustrations for Sylvie would not have suited Tenniel as
+Alice did. I therefore did not fear comparison, but what I did fear was
+that Carroll would not be Carroll, and Carroll wasn't--he was Dodgson. I
+wish I had illustrated him when he was Carroll; that he was not the
+Carroll of "Alice" is plainly indicated in his life in the following
+passage:[1] "The publication of 'Sylvie and Bruno' marks an epoch in its
+author's life, for it was the publication of all the ideals and
+sentiments which he held most dear. It was a book with a definite
+purpose; it would be more true to say with several definite purposes.
+For this very reason it is not an artistic triumph as the two 'Alice'
+books undoubtedly are; it is on a lower literary level, there is no
+unity in the story. But from a higher standpoint, that of the Christian
+and the philanthropist, the book is the best thing he ever wrote. It is
+a noble effort to uphold the right, or what he thought to be the right,
+without fear of contempt or unpopularity. The influence which his
+earlier books had given him he was determined to use in asserting
+neglected truths.
+
+     [1] "The Life and Letters of Lewis Carroll," by Stuart Dodgson
+         Collingwood (Fisher Unwin).
+
+"Of course the story has other features--delightful nonsense not
+surpassed by anything in 'Wonderland,' childish prattle with all the
+charm of reality about it, and pictures which may fairly be said to
+rival those of Sir John Tenniel. Had these been all, the book would have
+been a great success. As things are, there are probably hundreds of
+readers who have been scared by the religious arguments and political
+discussions which make up a large part of it, and who have never
+discovered that Sylvie is just as entrancing a personage as Alice when
+you get to know her."
+
+[Illustration: INSTRUCTIONS IN A LETTER FROM LEWIS CARROLL.]
+
+The character of the book was a bitter disappointment to me. I did not
+want to illustrate a book of his with any "purpose" other than the
+purpose of delightful amusement, as "Alice" was. Tenniel had point-blank
+refused to illustrate another story for Carroll--he was, Tenniel told
+me, "impossible"--and Carroll evidently was not satisfied with other
+artists he had tried, as he wrote me: "I have a considerable mass of
+chaotic materials for a story, but have never had the heart to go to
+work to construct the story as a whole, owing to its seeming so hopeless
+that I should ever find a suitable artist. Now that _you_ are found,"
+etc. That was in 1885, and we worked together for seven years. Tenniel
+and other artists declared I would not work with Carroll for seven
+weeks! I accepted the challenge, but I, for that purpose, adopted quite
+a new method. No artist is more matter-of-fact or businesslike than
+myself: to Carroll I was not Hy. F., but someone else, as _he_ was
+someone else. I was wilful and erratic, bordering on insanity. We
+therefore got on splendidly.
+
+Of course it was most interesting to me to study such a genius at such a
+time, and in recording my experiences and impressions of Lewis Carroll
+my object is not so much to deal with the actual illustration to those
+ill-conceived books "Sylvie and Bruno," but to deal with my impressions
+of the man obtained by working with him for so long, for to have known
+the man was even as great a treat as to read his books. Lewis Carroll
+was as unlike any other man as his books were unlike any other author's
+books. It was a relief to meet the pure simple, innocent dreamer of
+children, after the selfish commercial mind of most authors. Carroll was
+a wit, a gentleman, a bore and an egotist--and, like Hans Andersen, a
+spoilt child. It is recorded of Andersen that he actually shed tears,
+even in late life, should the cake at tea be handed to anyone before he
+chose the largest slice. Carroll was not selfish, but a liberal-minded,
+liberal-handed philanthropist, but his egotism was all but second
+childhood.
+
+He informed my wife that she was the most privileged woman in the world,
+for she knew the man who knew his (Lewis Carroll's) ideas--that ought to
+content her. She must not _see_ a picture or read a line of the MS.; it
+was sufficient for her to gaze at me outside of my studio with
+admiration and respect, as the only man besides Lewis Carroll himself
+with a knowledge of Lewis Carroll's forthcoming work. Furthermore he
+sent me an elaborate document to sign committing myself to secrecy. This
+I indignantly declined to sign. "My word was as good as my bond," I
+said, and, striking an attitude, I hinted that I would "strike,"
+inasmuch as I would not work for years isolated from my wife and
+friends. I was therefore no doubt looked upon by him as a lunatic. That
+was what I wanted. I was allowed to show my wife the drawings, and he
+wrote: "For my own part I have shown _none_ of the MS. to anybody; and,
+though I have let some special friends see the pictures, I have
+uniformly declined to _explain_ them. 'May I ask so-and-so?' they
+enquire. 'Certainly!' I reply; "you may _ask_ as many questions as you
+like!' That is all they get out of me."
+
+But his egotism carried him still further. He was determined no one
+should read his MS. but he and I; so in the dead of night (he sometimes
+wrote up to 4 a.m.) he cut his MS. into horizontal strips of four or
+five lines, then placed the whole of it in a sack and shook it up;
+taking out piece by piece, he pasted the strips down as they happened to
+come. The result, in such an MS., dealing with nonsense on one page and
+theology on another, was audacious in the extreme, if not absolutely
+profane--for example:
+
+  "And I found myself repeating, as I left the Church, the words of Jacob,
+  when he '_awaked out of his sleep_,' surely the Lord is in this.
+
+  "And once more those shrill discordant tones rang out:--
+
+               "'He thought he saw a Banker's Clerk
+                 Descending from a bus;
+               He looked again, and found it was--
+                 A Hippopotamus.'"
+
+These incongruous strips were elaborately and mysteriously marked with
+numbers and letters and various hieroglyphics, to decipher which would
+really have turned my assumed eccentricity into positive madness. I
+therefore sent the whole MS. back to him, and again threatened to
+strike! This had the desired effect. I then received MS. I could read,
+although frequently puzzled by its being mixed up with Euclid and
+problems in abstruse mathematics.
+
+I soon discovered that I had undertaken a far more difficult task than I
+anticipated, for in the first letter of instructions I received from the
+author he frankly acknowledged I had my work "cut out." "Cut out"
+suggests dressmaking, the very subject first chosen for discussion and
+correspondence.
+
+The extraordinary workings of this unique mind are shown by quotations
+from his letters to me:
+
+  "I think I had better explain part of the plot, as to these two--Sylvie
+  and Bruno. They are not fairies right through the book--but _children_.
+  All these conditions make their _dress_ rather a puzzle. They mustn't
+  have _wings_; that is clear. And it must be _quite_ the common dress of
+  London life. It should be as fanciful as possible, so as _just_ to be
+  presentable in Society. The friends might be able to say 'What
+  oddly-dressed children!' but they oughtn't to say 'They are not human!'
+
+  "Now I think you'll say you have 'got your work cut out for you,' to
+  invent a suitable dress!"
+
+How I wish I had had those dresses cut out for me! The above
+instructions were quickly followed by other suggestions which added to
+my already scanty idea of a costume suitable to Kensington Gardens and
+to fairyland! I was thinking this difficulty would be lessened if the
+story took place in winter, when I received another letter, which I must
+frankly confess rather alarmed me:
+
+[Illustration: SPECIMEN OF LEWIS CARROLL'S DRAWING AND WRITING.]
+
+  "As to the dresses of these children in their fairy state (we shall
+  sometimes have them mixing in Society, and supposed to be real children;
+  and for _that_ they must, I suppose, be dressed as in ordinary life, but
+  _eccentrically_, so as to make a little distinction). I _wish_ I dared
+  dispense with _all_ costume; naked children are so perfectly pure and
+  lovely, but Mrs. Grundy would be furious--it would never do. Then the
+  question is, how little dress will content her? Bare legs and feet we
+  _must_ have, at any rate. I so entirely detest that monstrous fashion
+  _high heels_ (and in fact have planned an attack on it in this very
+  book), that I cannot possibly allow my sweet little heroine to be
+  victimised by it."
+
+Another monstrous fashion he condemns refers to a picture of his
+grown-up heroine in London Society:
+
+  "Could you cut off those high shoulders from her sleeves? Why should we
+  pay any deference to a hideous fashion that will be extinct a year
+  hence? Next to the unapproachable ugliness of 'crinoline,' I think these
+  high-shouldered sleeves are the worst things invented for ladies in our
+  time. Imagine how horrified they would be if one of their daughters were
+  _really_ shaped like that!"
+
+I did make a note of a horrified mother with a nineteenth century
+malformation, but I did not send it to the author, as it struck me, when
+re-reading his letter, he was possibly serious. Still we had Sylvie's
+dress, Mrs. Grundy, crinolines, and high heels to discuss:
+
+[Illustration: ORIGINAL SKETCH BY LEWIS CARROLL OF HIS CHARMING HERO AND
+HEROINE.]
+
+  "As to your Sylvie I am charmed with your idea of dressing her in
+  _white_; it exactly fits my own idea of her; I want her to be a sort of
+  embodiment of Purity. So I think that, in Society, she should be wholly
+  in white--white frock ('clinging' certainly; I _hate_ crinoline
+  fashion): also I _think_ we might venture on making her _fairy_ dress
+  transparent. Don't you think we might face Mrs. Grundy to _that_ extent?
+  In fact I think Mrs. G. would be fairly content at finding her
+  _dressed_, and would not mind whether the material was silk, or muslin,
+  or even gauze. One thing more. _Please_ don't give Sylvie high heels!
+  They are an abomination to me."
+
+Then for months we corresponded about the face of the Heroine alone. My
+difficulty was increased by the fact that the fairy child Sylvie and the
+Society grown-up Lady Muriel were one and the same person! So I received
+reams of written descriptions and piles of useless photographs intended
+to inspire me to draw with a few lines a face embodying his ideal in a
+space not larger than a threepenny-piece. By one post I would receive a
+batch of photographs of some young lady Lewis Carroll fancied had one
+feature, or half a feature, of that ideal he had conjured up in his own
+mind as his heroine.
+
+[Illustration: LEWIS CARROLL'S NOTE TO ME FOR A PATHETIC PICTURE.]
+
+He invited me to visit friends of his, and strangers too, from John o'
+Groats to Land's End, so as to collect fragments of faces. _A propos_ of
+this I wrote in an artists' magazine a brief account of artists'
+difficulties with the too exacting author. (It is quite safe to write
+anything about Judges and Dons: they never read anything.) I described
+how I received the author's recipe for constructing the ideal heroine. I
+am not to take _one_ model for the lady-child or child-lady. I am to
+take _several_; for all know no face--at least, no face with expression,
+or with plenty of life or good abilities, or when showing depth of
+religious thought--is perfect. I am therefore to go to Eastbourne to see
+and study the face of Miss Matilda Smith, in a pastry-cook's shop, for
+the eyes. I am to visit Eastbourne and eat buns and cakes, gazing the
+while into the beauteous eyes of Miss Smith. Then in Glasgow there is a
+Miss O'Grady, "with oh, such a perfect nose! Could I run up to Scotland
+to make a sketch of it?" A letter of introduction is enclosed, and, as a
+precaution, I am enjoined that I "must not mind her squint." But I _do_
+mind, and I am sure the blemish would sadly mar my proper judgment of
+the lovely feature for gazing on which those eyes have lost their
+rectitude. For the ears a journey to Brighton to see Miss Robinson, the
+Vicar's daughter, is recommended. No, she may listen, think I, to the
+"sad sea-waves," or to her father's sermons, but never to any flattery
+from me. The mouth I shall find in Cardiff--not an English or Welsh
+mouth, but a sweet Spaniard's Senora Niccolomino, the daughter of a
+merchant there. In imagination I picture that cigarette held so lovingly
+in those perfect lips. But I am to draw an English heroine of fifteen
+innocent summers--how those curly wreaths of pearly smoke would
+disenchant my mind of the spell of youth and innocence! For the hair I
+must go to Brighton; for the figure to a number of different places. In
+fact, my author had mapped out a complete tour for me. Had he never
+heard the old story of the artist who was determined to paint a
+perfectly correct figure, strictly in accordance with the orthodox rules
+of art? As he painted a portion he covered it up, and so went on until
+the figure was complete. When it was finished he tore off the covering.
+The result was hideous! He went mad! I feel sure that fate would have
+been mine had I attempted to carry out Lewis Carroll's instructions. I
+therefore worked on my own lines with success. As his biographer states:
+"Meanwhile, with much interchange of correspondence between author and
+artist, the pictures for the new fairy tale, 'Sylvie and Bruno,' were
+being gradually evolved. Each of them was subjected by Lewis Carroll to
+the most minute criticism--hypercriticism, perhaps, occasionally." Still
+he was enthusiastic in his praise, and absurdly generous in his thanks.
+He was jealous that I would not disclose to him who my model was for
+Sylvie. When dining with us many a smile played over the features of my
+children when he cross-questioned me on this point. Repeatedly he wrote
+to me: "How old is your model for Sylvie? And may I have her name and
+address?" "My friend Miss E. G. Thomson, an artist great in 'fairies,'
+would be glad to know of her, I'm sure," and so on.
+
+The fairy Sylvie was my own daughter! All the children in his books I
+illustrated were my own children; yet this fact never struck him! He
+visited us in the country when I was at work, and I soon afterwards
+received the following letter:
+
+  "Thanks. I was not aware that the boy, whose photo I sent you, had
+  far-apart eyes. If you think (and you are _quite_ the best judge of the
+  point) that these eyes are needed in order to give to the face the fun
+  and roguery I want expressed, by all means retain them.
+
+  "It had occurred to me to write and beg that, if Arundel did not furnish
+  all requisite models for drawing from life, you would let all portions
+  of pictures which would have to be done without models or wait till you
+  return to town, _wait_. But as I think you definitely told me that you
+  never do the finished pictures _except_ from life, I presume the
+  petition to be superfluous."
+
+When I received this letter at Arundel my second boy was sitting in his
+bathing costume on a garden-roller on the lawn for a picture of Bruno
+sitting on a dead mouse. I was chaffing my model about flirting with a
+young lady he met at a children's garden party, and threatened to inform
+his sweetheart in London, when he assured me with knowingness, "Fact is,
+papa, the young lady here is all right for the country, you know--but
+she would _never_ do in town!"
+
+[Illustration: SYLVIE AND BRUNO. MY ORIGINAL DRAWING FOR LEWIS CARROLL.
+              (_Never published._)]
+
+It was the same idea as Lewis Carroll's about models.
+
+As I have brought my family into this, I may mention that there is one
+picture in "Sylvie and Bruno" (vol. i., p. 134) which brings back to me
+the only sorrowful hour I had in connection with the otherwise enjoyable
+work. My wife was very ill--so ill it was a question of life and death.
+Expert opinion was called in, and the afternoon I had to make that
+drawing--with my own children as models--the "consultation" was being
+held in my wife's room. Carroll was on his way from Oxford to see the
+work, and I was drawing against time. It's the old story of the clown
+with the sick wife. Caricaturists are after all but clowns of the
+pencil. They must raise a laugh whatever their state of mind may be. For
+a long time I never would show Lewis Carroll my work, for the simple
+reason I did not do it. He thought I was at work, but I was not. That's
+where my acting eccentricity came in. I knew that I would have to draw
+the subjects "right off," not one a month or one in six months.
+Correspondence for three months, as a rule, led to work for one week.
+Isolated verse I did let him have the illustrations for, but not the
+body of the book. This was my only chance, and I arrived at this secrecy
+by the following bold stroke.
+
+[Illustration: I GO MAD!]
+
+Lewis Carroll came from Oxford one evening, early in the history of the
+work, to dine, and afterwards to see a batch of work. He ate little,
+drank little, but enjoyed a few glasses of sherry, his favourite wine.
+"Now," he said, "for the studio!" I rose and led the way. My wife sat in
+astonishment. She knew I had nothing to show. Through the drawing-room,
+down the steps of the conservatory to the door of my studio. My hand is
+on the handle. Through excitement Lewis Carroll stammers worse than
+ever. Now to see the work for his great book! I pause, turn my back to
+the closed door, and thus address the astonished Don: "Mr. Dodgson, I am
+_very_ eccentric--I cannot help it! Let me explain to you clearly,
+before you enter my studio, that my eccentricity sometimes takes a
+violent form. If I, in showing my work, discover in your face the
+slightest sign that you are not _absolutely_ satisfied with any particle
+of this work in progress, the _whole_ of it goes into the fire! It is a
+risk: will you accept it, or will you wait till I have the drawings
+_quite_ finished and send them to Oxford?"
+
+"I--I--I ap--appreciate your feelings--I--I--should feel the same
+myself. I am off to Oxford!" and he went.
+
+[Illustration: Handwritten note]
+
+I sent him drawings as they were finished, and each parcel brought back
+a budget of letter-writing, each page being carefully numbered. This is
+the top of page 5 in his 49,874th letter. I am not sure if I received
+all the remaining 49,873 letters in the seven years. To meet him and to
+work for him was to me a great treat. I put up with his
+eccentricities--real ones, not sham like mine.--I put up with a great
+deal of boredom, for he was a bore at times, and I worked over seven
+years with his illustrations, in which the actual working hours would
+not have occupied me more than seven weeks, purely out of respect for
+his genius. I treated him as a problem, and I solved him, and had he
+lived I would probably have still worked with him. He remunerated me
+liberally for my work; still, he actually proposed that in addition I
+should partake of the profits; his gratitude was overwhelming. "I am
+grateful; and I feel sure that if _pictures_ could sell a book 'Sylvie
+and Bruno' would sell like wildfire."
+
+Perhaps the most pleasant confession I have to make is my fondness for
+children. They always interest and amuse me more than "grown-ups." The
+commonplace talk is to them unknown; it is full of surprises.
+
+Perhaps the nursery's record of my family is not longer or any more
+interesting than the sayings and doings of the youngsters of any other
+family; still a few extracts may interest those who, like myself, are
+interested in first impressions.
+
+My eldest, just entering on his teens, had as companions two brothers
+and one sister. Hearing there was an addition to this little family
+group, he, dressed in flannels, ran into my studio, bat in hand, "Papa,
+is it a boy or a girl?"
+
+"A boy."
+
+"Oh, I am so glad. I do want a wicket-keeper, and Dorothy can't
+wicket-keep a bit."
+
+[Illustration: "I DO WANT A WICKET-KEEPER!"]
+
+A stoutly-made little fellow of eight, to his mother, who happened to be
+extremely thin:
+
+"Oh, mother, I do believe you must be the very sweetest woman in the
+world!"
+
+"Thanks very much, Lawrence. But why so affectionate? What do you want?"
+
+"I don't want anything. I only know you must be the very sweetest woman
+in the world."
+
+"Really, you are too flattering. Why this sudden outburst of affection?"
+
+"Well, you know, I've been thinking over the old, old saying, 'The
+nearer the bone the sweeter the meat.'"
+
+Children, I think, have the art of "leading up" to jokes better than
+adults. They hear some strange remark, they naturally analyse it, and it
+suggests an application. For instance, this brat possibly objected to
+some portion of meat at table. His mother had reminded of the old
+saying, "The nearer the bone the sweeter the meat." Thin
+mother,--there's the application.
+
+One of my youngsters ran into the drawing-room at five o'clock tea. A
+lady visitor thus addressed him:
+
+"Come here, my little man. I suppose when you grow up you will be an
+artist, like your father?"
+
+"My father is not an artist."
+
+"Oh, my dear, he _is_ an artist."
+
+"Oh, no, no, no, my father is not an artist--he's only a black and white
+man. I am going to be an artist in all colours."
+
+[Illustration: PORTION OF LETTER FROM LAWRENCE, AGE 9.]
+
+My own children have been my models, not only for Lewis Carroll's books,
+but for all my drawings of children. I have three boys and one girl.
+Dorothy is now a successful artist, and Lawrence is, at the age of
+eighteen, a professional draughtsman of mechanical subjects; my youngest
+is just out of his teens. Their portraits manifolded will be found in
+the page sketch from "Romps" Du Maurier wrote me a most graceful
+appreciation of these books, which, considering his delightful pictures
+of children in _Punch_, was most gratifying to me.
+
+[Illustration: REDUCTION FROM A DESIGN FOR MY "ROMPS."]
+
+[Illustration: PORTION OF A LETTER FROM GEORGE DU MAURIER.]
+
+An artist for whose work I have the greatest admiration was the late
+Randolph Caldecott, and the only occasion on which I had the pleasure of
+meeting him was of a semi-theatrical kind. It was at one of the
+"Artists' Tableaux" which were given in London some years ago. In those
+produced in Piccadilly I took no part, and the entertainment to which I
+refer was held at the Mansion House. At the last moment, in order to
+complete one of the pictures, a portly Dutchman was required, and a
+telegram was despatched to me to enquire whether I would represent the
+character. A dress, which was not a very good fit, was provided for me
+by the costumier of the show, and with the aid of a little padding, a
+good deal of rouge, a long clay pipe, and a bottle of schnapps, I
+managed to look something like the inflated Hollander I was
+representing, in the centre of the group, where I was supposed to be
+looking on at a game of bowls. Caldecott, who was placed at a window,
+flirting with the maids of the Queen, was attired in a graceful costume
+of the most faultless description, surmounted by a magnificent hat with
+a sweeping brim and splendid feathers, upon which he had expended no
+little pains and money. My head-gear consisted of a very insignificant
+stage property hat, but as I was not intended to contribute an element
+of beauty to the picture, that didn't matter. The tableau was arranged
+by Mr. E. A. Abbey, and when taking his last look round before the
+curtain was raised, his artistic eye detected that more black was
+required in the centre. While we were thus in our allotted positions,
+and straining every nerve to remain perfectly rigid--an ordeal which, by
+the way, I never wish to go through again, as I had hard work to
+restrain myself from breaking out into a Highland fling or an Irish jig,
+or calling out "Boo!" to the audience to relieve my pent-up
+feelings--Mr. Abbey suddenly seized the superb hat on Caldecott's head,
+which the latter had had specially made, and in which he really fancied
+himself, handed it to me, and to Caldecott's horror, and almost before
+he was conscious that he had been made ridiculous by the wretched
+remnant which had been sent from Bow Street for me, the curtain was rung
+up.
+
+I confess I have a certain amount of pity, closely akin to contempt, for
+the artist who must have the actual character he wants to paint, who
+cannot use a model merely for reference, but paints in everything like a
+photograph. Some artists call such feebleness conscientiousness, but to
+me it seems mere weakness. Must an author paint each character in his
+book, or an actor take his every impersonation on the stage, minutely
+from some living model? Surely observation and natural originality is
+more than the photographic copying of your "conscientious" artist! Worse
+feebleness still it is when an artist has to paint a well-known
+character, say King Lear or Mary Queen of Scots, and goes about hunting
+for a living person as near as possible in appearance to the original,
+and then costumes and slavishly reproduces him or her, without any show
+of judgment or insight after the model is once selected. And this lack
+of insight into character seems deplorably prevalent among our figure
+painters, for how often we see in the exhibitions the model with a "good
+head" tamely reproduced over and over again--here as a monk, there as a
+Polonius, Thomas a Becket, a "blind beggar," "His Excellency," a
+pensioner, or painted by some artist who wants to make a bid for
+portraiture as "A portrait of a gentleman"!
+
+Black and white men have to introduce so many characters into their
+work, they are obliged to invent them; but it is a curious fact that
+this facility disappears at times. The late Mr. Fred Barnard, clever as
+he was at inventing character for his black and white work, found, when
+he was painting in oil, that confidence had left him, and he spent
+several days wandering about London to find real characters for a
+picture he was painting representing the jury in "Pilgrim's Progress."
+One day in Oxford Street he saw a hansom-cab driver with a face besotted
+with drink and "ripe" for production as a slave to Bacchus. Barnard
+hailed the hansom, jumped in, and directed the jehu to drive him to his
+studio on Haverstock Hill. In going up the Hampstead Road a tram-car ran
+over a child. Barnard was terribly upset by the touching sight, and told
+the driver to pull up at the nearest tavern. Getting out, he looked at
+his "subject," intending to invite him to refreshment before taking him
+on to his studio, where he intended to paint him. To his horror the face
+of the bibulous cabman had lost all its "colour," and was of a pale
+greenish hue.
+
+[Illustration: A TRANSFORMATION.]
+
+"That was horful, sir, warn't it? It'll upset me for a week."
+
+The disappointed artist dismissed his "subject."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Much could be written of this genuine humourist. His buoyant fun was
+irrepressible; indoors and out of doors he entertained himself--and
+sometimes his friends--with his jokes. In his studio he kept as pets
+some little tortoises. They were allowed to crawl about as they liked,
+but he had painted on their backs caricatures--a laughing face, a
+sour-green face, one with a look of horror, another of mischief. A
+visitor seated unaware of these would suddenly spring off the sofa as
+the walking mask slowly appeared from underneath it! Barnard's power of
+mimicry was great, and his jokes were as excellent as his drawings. Even
+when sitting before the camera for his photograph, he had his little
+joke.
+
+[Illustration: BARNARD AND THE MODELS.]
+
+There are a number of girls who go the round of the studios, but have no
+right whatever to do so. They generally hunt in pairs, and this habit
+surely distinguishes them from the real model. They are more easily
+drawn than described. Two of this class once called on Barnard.
+
+"What do you sit for?" he asked.
+
+"Oh, anything, sir."
+
+"Ah, I am a figure man, you are no use to me, but there is a friend of
+mine over there who is now painting a landscape--I think you might do
+very well for a haystack; and your friend might try studio No. 5 and sit
+for a thunder-cloud, the artist there is starting a stormy piece--oh,
+good morning." Tableau!
+
+A wretched individual once called upon me and begged me to give him a
+sitting. I asked him to sit for what I was at work upon: this was a
+wicket-keeper in a cricket match bending over the wicket. I assured the
+man he need not apologise, as he had really turned up at an opportune
+moment; the drawing was "news," and it had to be finished that day. When
+I had shown my model the position and made him understand exactly what I
+wanted, I noticed to my surprise that he was trembling all over. I
+immediately asked him if he were cold.
+
+"No."
+
+"Nervous?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Then why not keep still?"
+
+"Well, that's just what I can't do, sir! I had to give up my occupation
+because, sir, I am hafflicted with the palsy, and when I bend I do
+tremble so. I only sit for 'ands, sir--for 'ands to portrait painters. I
+close 'em for a military gent--I open 'em for a bishop--but when the
+hartist is hin a 'urry I know as 'ow to 'ide one 'and in my pocket and
+the hother hunder a cocked 'at."
+
+[Illustration: "I SIT FOR 'ANDS, SIR."]
+
+Hiding hands recalls to me a fact I may mention in justice to our modern
+English caricaturists. We never make capital out of our subjects'
+deformities. This I pointed out at a dinner in Birmingham a few years
+ago, at which I was the guest of the evening, and as I was addressing
+journalists I mention this fact in justice to myself and my brother
+caricaturists. As it happened, that afternoon I had heard Mr. Gladstone
+making his first speech in the opening of Parliament, 1886, after being
+returned in Opposition. Turning round to his young supporters, he used
+for the first time the now famous expression "an old Parliamentary
+hand," holding up at the same time a hand on which there were only three
+fingers. Now had I drawn that hand as it was, minus the first finger,
+showing the black patch? It would have been tempting on the part of a
+foreign caricaturist, because it had a curious application under the
+circumstances. (But it would be noticed that in my sketch in _Punch_ the
+first finger, which really did not exist, is prominently shown.) This
+was the first time the fact was made public that Mr. Gladstone had not
+the first finger on the left hand; since then, however, all artists,
+humorous or serious, were careful to show Mr. Gladstone's left hand as
+pointed out by me.
+
+Now I had noticed this for years in the House, and I hold as an argument
+that men are not observant the fact that Members who had sat in the
+House with Mr. Gladstone, on the same benches, for years, assured me
+that they had never noticed his hand before I made this matter public.
+So that when I am told that I misrepresent portraits of prominent men I
+always point to this fact.
+
+Mr. Gladstone was careful to hide the deformity in his photographs, but
+in his usual energetic manner in the House the black patch in place of
+the finger was on many occasions in no way concealed.
+
+These are plebeian models, but sometimes artists' friends recommend
+amateur models--a broken-down gentleman or some other poor relation--and
+when you are drawing social modern subjects, of course these are really
+of more use than the badly-dressed professional model.
+
+[Illustration: A _PUNCH_ ENGRAVING, DRAWN ON WOOD.]
+
+On "Private View Day" at the Royal Academy a few years ago a knot of
+artists and their wives were in one of the rooms; it was late, and few
+of the visitors remained. The attention of the artists was attracted by
+a stately and beautiful being who entered and went round examining the
+pictures.
+
+"How charming!" remarked one.
+
+"Delightful!" replied another.
+
+"Oh, if she would but sit to me!" prayed a third.
+
+"Why not ask her?" asked the practical one. "If anyone can, you can; so
+remember that faint heart never won fair sitter!"
+
+"Well, here goes!" whispered the cavalier, Mr. Val Prinsep, R.A., in the
+tone of one about to lead a forlorn hope, and he charged desperately
+across the gallery. He approached the fair stranger, and politely taking
+off his hat said diffidently:
+
+"Madam, I am one of the Academy. Should you wish to know anything about
+the pictures I shall be glad----"
+
+"Oh, thanks. I know a good deal about them."
+
+"Indeed! Then you will understand how we artists are always on the
+look-out for beauty to paint--and--ah--hm--well, you see I--that is we"
+(pointing to the group) "were so struck with your presence
+that--ah--pardon my abruptness--we thought that if such a thing were
+possible you might condescend to allow one of us to make a study of your
+head--ah."
+
+"Oh, with pleasure," said the fair visitor, taking from her hand-bag a
+neat little note-book, and opening it, she said:
+
+"Well, I have only got Sundays and one Wednesday next month
+disengaged,--I have got sittings on every other day. Will this be of any
+use to you?"
+
+She was a model!
+
+The first house I occupied after I married faced one occupied by a
+well-known and worthy fiery-tempered man of letters, and it so happened
+that one evening my wife and I were dining at the house of another
+neighbour. We were gratified to learn that our celebrated _vis-a-vis_,
+hearing we had come to live in the same square, was anxious to make our
+acquaintance. On our return home that night we discovered the latch-key
+had been forgotten, and unfortunately our knocking and ringing failed to
+arouse the domestics. It was not long, however, before we awoke our
+neighbours, and a window of the house opposite was violently thrown
+open, and language all the stronger by being endowed with literary merit
+came from that man of letters, who in the dark was unable to see the
+particular neighbours offending him, and he referred to my wife and
+myself in a way that could not be passed over. A battle of words ensued
+in which I was proved the victor, and my neighbour beat a hasty retreat.
+Before retiring I wrote a note to the friend we had just left to say
+that in the circumstances I refused to know my neighbour, and he had
+better inform him that I would on the first opportunity punch his head.
+By the same post I wrote for a particular model,--a retired pugilist. As
+soon as he arrived next morning I placed him at the window of my studio
+facing the opposite house, now and then sending him down to the front
+door to stand on the doorstep to await some imaginary person, and to
+keep his eye on the house opposite. I went on with my work in peace.
+Presently a note came:
+
+  "DEAR FURNISS,--Your neighbour has sent round to ask me what you are
+  like. He has never seen you till this morning, and he is frightened to
+  leave his house. He implores me to apologise for him."
+
+He departed from the neighbourhood shortly afterwards.
+
+[Illustration: MY FIGHTING DOUBLE.]
+
+Sad to relate that all Governmental undertakings of an artistic nature,
+from our most colossal public building or monument to the design of a
+postage stamp, are fair game for ridicule! The outward manifest record
+of the Post Office Jubilee--rather the "Post Office Jumble"--was the
+envelope and post card published by the Government and sold for one
+shilling. The pitiful character of the design, from an artistic point of
+view, shocked every person of taste; so I set to work and burlesqued it,
+strictly following the lines of the genuine article. A glance at my
+envelope alone, therefore, is sufficient to show the wretched quality of
+the original. It happened that the postmen's grievances were very
+prominent at that time. The Postmaster-General and the trade unionists
+and others were at fever heat, and excitement ran high. This
+caricature-parody, therefore, was a sketch with a purpose. It was said
+at one of the meetings that my pencil "may perhaps touch the public
+sympathy in behalf of the postman more effectually than any language has
+been able to do." The wretched thing was thought worthy of an article
+by Mr. M. H. Spielmann. My skit, it is needless to add, was very popular
+with the postmen. They showed their gratitude by saving many a
+misdirected letter. A letter addressed "Harry Furniss, London," has
+frequently found me, without the loss of a post.
+
+[Illustration: SPECIMEN OF MR. LINLEY SAMBOURNE'S ENVELOPES TO ME.]
+
+I signed a certain number, which sold at 10_s._ 6_d._ each, and were
+bought up principally by the members of the Philatelic Society.
+
+Perhaps the publication of this "Post Office Jumble" card was also the
+cause of the puzzled postmen taking the trouble to decipher and deliver
+the far more amusing artistic jokes of that irrepressible joker, Mr.
+Linley Sambourne. By his permission I here publish a page, a selection
+of the envelopes he has sent me from time to time.
+
+It is bad enough purposely to puzzle the overworked
+letter-carriers--they are too often tried by unintentional touches of
+humour emanating from the most innocent and unsuspected members of the
+public--but I confess that I was once the innocent cause of Mr.
+Sambourne trying the same thing on with the overworked bank clerk.
+
+[Illustration: CHEQUE FOR 5-1/2D. PASSED THROUGH TWO BANKS AND PAID. I
+SIGNED IT _backwards_, AND IT WAS CANCELLED BY CLERK _backwards_.]
+
+I sent my _Punch_ friend a cheque, here reproduced, for the sum of
+5-1/2_d._, payable to "Lynnlay Sam Bourne, Esqre," signed by me
+backwards, crossed "Don't you wish you may get it and go." Sambourne
+endorsed it "L. Sam. Bourne," and sent it to his bank. The clerk went
+one better, and wrote "Cancelled" _backwards_ across my reversed
+signature. It passed through my bank, and the money was paid. This is
+probably unique in the history of banking.
+
+[Illustration: SIR HENRY IRVING WRITES HIS NAME BACKWARDS.]
+
+_A propos_ of writing backwards, in days when artists made their
+drawings on wood everything of course had to be reversed, and writing
+backwards became quite easy. To this day I can write backwards nearly as
+quickly as I write in the ordinary way. One night at supper I was
+explaining this, and furthermore told my friends that they themselves
+could write backwards--in fact, they could not avoid doing so. Not of
+course on the table, as I was doing, but by placing the sheet of paper
+against the table underneath, and writing with the point upwards.
+Perhaps my reader will try--and see the effect. For encouragement here
+are a few of the first attempts on that particular evening.
+
+[Illustration: SIR HENRY IRVING'S ATTEMPT.]
+
+[Illustration: MR. J. L. TOOLE'S FIRST ATTEMPT.]
+
+[Illustration: MR. J. L. TOOLE'S SECOND ATTEMPT.]
+
+A few years ago a banquet was given at the Mansion House to the
+representatives of French art; several English painters and others
+interested in art were invited to meet them. Previous to being presented
+to the Lord Mayor, every guest was requested to sign an autograph
+album--an unusual proceeding, I think, at a City dinner. Were I Lord
+Mayor I would compel my guests to sign their names--not on arrival, but
+when leaving the Mansion House, and thus possess an autograph album of
+erratic graphology, and one worth studying. In company with my friend
+Mr. Whitworth Wallis, the curator of the Birmingham Museum and Art
+Gallery, I entered the Mansion House, when we were immediately accosted
+by a powdered flunkey in gorgeous uniform, in possession of the
+autograph album, who presented a truly magnificent pen at us, and in
+peremptory tones demanded our life or our signatures. Whitworth Wallis
+wrote his first, with a dash and confidence. I stood by and admired.
+"Oh," I said, taking the pen, "that's not half a dash; let me show you
+mine."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Jeames, in taking the pen from me, looked condescendingly over the page,
+and with the air of a justice delivering judgment said to me:
+
+"Beaten 'im by hinches, sir. Beaten 'im by hinches!"
+
+Months after that I gave an entertainment one evening at Woolwich. My
+audience was principally composed of Arsenal hands. On leaving the
+platform I was taken into the Athletic Club rooms, and asked to sign
+their autograph book and say a "few words" to the members. The few words
+consisted of the "record" I had made in the signing match I had with Mr.
+Wallis at the Mansion House--an incident which was brought to my mind
+suddenly when I took the pen in my hand. It so happened that Whitworth
+Wallis, who is a well-known lecturer on art matters, was on that same
+night lecturing in the North of England, and as he left the platform at
+the same hour as I at Woolwich, he was, like me, asked to sign an
+autograph book, and told the very same story to his friends in the North
+as I was telling under exactly similar circumstances, the same evening,
+at the same hour, in the South. Neither of us knew that the other was
+lecturing that night. It is not by any means a usual thing to be asked
+to sign a club album, and Wallis and I had not met or corresponded since
+the evening at the Mansion House.
+
+After working many years for the _Illustrated London News_, I became a
+contributor to the _Graphic_, and for that journal wrote and illustrated
+a series of supplements upon "Life in Parliament"; but from this time
+forward it would be difficult to name any illustrated paper with which I
+have not at some time or other been connected. For instance, the
+_Yorkshire Post_ a few years ago started a halfpenny evening paper, and
+sent their manager down to me to ask my honorarium to illustrate the
+first few numbers with character sketches of the members of the British
+Association, who were holding their meetings that week in Leeds. This
+was a happy thought, as the "British Asses," as they are too familiarly
+called, sent these first numbers of the paper all over the country; the
+new ship had something to start upon, and is now a prosperous concern.
+There are various stories about the sum I received for this work. It was
+a large sum for England, where enterprise of this kind is very rare. I
+was "billed" all over the town as if I were a Patti or Paderewski, and
+telegrams were sent to the London papers by the special reporters
+announcing the terms upon which I was at work; altogether it was a bit
+of Yankee booming that would have made a Harmsworth or a Newnes green
+with envy.
+
+
+
+
+                              CARICATURE.
+
+                               CHAPTER V.
+
+A CHAT BETWEEN MY PEN AND PENCIL.
+
+  What is Caricature?--Interviewing--Catching Caricatures--Pellegrini--The
+   "Ha! Ha!"--Black and White _v._ Paint--How to make a
+   Caricature--M.P.'s--My System--Mr. Labouchere's Attitude--Do the
+   Subjects object?--Colour in Caricature--Caught!--A Pocket
+   Caricature--The Danger of the Shirt-cuff--The Danger of a Marble
+   Table--Quick Change--Advice to those about to Caricature.
+
+[Illustration: If]
+
+
+If I am asked what is caricature, how can I define it? Ah, here it is
+explained by some great authority--whom I cannot say, for I have it
+under the heading of "Cuttings from Colney Hatch," undated, unnamed.
+Kindly read it carefully:
+
+[Illustration: THE STUDIO OF A CARICATURIST.]
+
+"The word itself, 'caricature,' is related etymologically to our own
+'cargo,' and means, in all Italian simplicity, a _loading_. So, then,
+the finely analytical quality of the Italian intellect, disengaging the
+ultimate (material) element out of all the (spiritual) elements of
+pictorial distortion and travesty, called it simply a 'loading.' After
+all, 'exageration' only substitutes the idea of mound, or _agger_ for
+_carica_--the heaping up of a mound--for the common Italian word 'load'
+or 'cartload.' One can easily understand how a cold, cynical, and hating
+Neapolitan, pushed about by the police for a likeness much too like,
+would shrug his shoulders, and say, possibly, the likeness was loaded.
+But when we look at the character of the loading, there may be anything
+there, from diabolical and malignant spite up to the simplest fun, to
+say nothing of the almost impossibility of drawing the real truth, and
+the almost necessary tendency to exaggerate one thing and diminish
+another. But if the Italian mind, with a head to be chopped off by a
+despot for a joke, discovered the colourless and impregnable word
+'load,' the French _gamin_, on his own responsibility, hit upon the
+identical word in French, namely, 'charge'--_une charge_ meaning both a
+pictorial or verbal goak or caricature, and a load. When did the word
+'caricature' first obtain in the Italian language, and how? When did the
+word 'charge' acquire a similar meaning in France, and was it or not
+suggested by the Italian word? But the thing caricature goes back to the
+night of ages, and is in its origin connected with the subjective
+risible faculty on the one side and the objective tendency to making
+faces on the other. Curiously enough, the original German ideas of
+caricature appear to have hinged precisely upon the distortion of the
+countenance, since _Fratze_, the leading word for caricature, signifies
+originally a grimace. Then we have _Posse_, buffoonery (Italian,
+_pazzie_), which, without original reference to drawing, would exactly
+express many of Mr. ----'s very exquisite drolleries, diving as they do
+into the weirdest genius--conceptions of night and of day, of dawn and
+of twilight--the mixture of the terrible, the grotesque, the gigantic,
+the infinitely little, the animal, the beast, the ethereal, the divinely
+loving, the diabolically cynical, the crawling, the high-bred, all in a
+universal salmagundi and lobster nightmare, mixing up the loveliest
+conceptions with croaking horrors, the eternal aurora with the
+everlasting _nitschewo_ of the frozen, blinding steppe. Caricature! What
+can we English call it?"
+
+What indeed after this? Except in despair we adopt the child's
+well-known definition--"First you think, and then you draw round the
+think." I have been more than once asked to deliver a lecture explaining
+the process. Of course such an idea is too absurd for serious
+consideration. The comic writer cannot give anyone a recipe for making
+jokes, nor can a comic actor show you how to grimace so as to make
+others laugh in this serious country. We are not taught to look at the
+comic side of things--any humorous element may grow, like Topsy,
+unaided--nor is the power given to many to explain to others their
+inventions. Bessemer, the inventor of the steel bearing his name, when
+he first made his discovery was asked to read a paper explaining his
+invention to a large meeting of experts. He had his carefully-prepared
+notes in front of him, but they only embarrassed him. He struggled to
+speak, but failed. Only the weight of the lumps of metal dangling in his
+coattail pocket kept him from collapsing. Suddenly he dived his hand
+into the pocket and produced a piece of steel, which he thumped on the
+table. "Bother the paper! Here is my steel, and I'll tell you how I made
+it!" So would it be with a caricaturist. After a struggle he would say,
+"Bother words, words, words! Here is a pencil, and here is some paper.
+I'll show you how I caricature."
+
+Personally, I have no objection to being caricatured--I frequently make
+caricatures of myself. Nor have I any objection to being interviewed--I
+interview myself. What else are these pages but interviews? I confess I
+fail to see any objection to a legitimate caricature or a legitimate
+interview. On the contrary, I look upon interviewing by an experienced
+and sympathetic writer as invaluable to a public man who is bringing out
+something novel and of interest to the public at large. It certainly
+seems to me judicious that he should give his preliminary ideas
+regarding it to the public firsthand, instead of allowing them to leak
+out in an unauthentic and disfigured form through the fervid
+imaginations of irresponsible scribes, leading to much misconception.
+
+[Illustration: CARICATURE OF ME BY MY DAUGHTER, AGE 15.]
+
+But I do object to the incapable, be he an interviewer wielding the
+pencil or the pen. To illustrate my meaning I shall take the latter
+first. The pen in this case did his work in true professional style. He
+came to interview me, and by doing so to "boom" me for a journal which
+was about to make a feature of my contributions to its pages. He brought
+with him a new note-book of remarkable size; an artist with a portfolio,
+pencils, and other artistic necessities; and a photographer! The
+interviewer shall describe the scene in his own words.
+
+[Illustration: A SERIOUS PORTRAIT--FROM LIFE.]
+
+The interviewer remarked that the readers of the ----"would be very
+interested in knowing exactly how the thing (interviewing) was done. How
+did the ideas come? How did they take shape? And what was the method of
+work? Neither at these nor at any other questions did Mr. Furniss wince.
+It must not be forgotten that when he was in America last year he was
+interviewed, on an average, once a day; and a man who has passed through
+such an experience as that is unlikely to recoil before any ordinary
+ordeal; although Mr. Furniss was bound to admit that a combination of
+interviewer, artist, and photographer had never before got him into his
+grip. The situation would have had its ludicrous side for anybody who
+had chanced to peep through the skylight. The spectacle of five men (for
+the presence of the indefatigable secretary was an indispensable part of
+the proceedings) all solemnly drinking tea, while a deer-hound kept a
+wistful eye on the sugar-basin, was unusual, and perhaps a little
+grotesque--to all save the participants. Seated at his easel in the
+characteristic position represented in our sketch, Mr. Furniss would now
+and again ask permission to move his arm towards his cup of tea, and
+would then bend back to the make-belief work at which he was posing."
+There is a picture of interviewing! Everything so prepared, so studied,
+so well described to impress the subscribers of the enterprising
+journal. The photographer with a wide angle lens took in all that was in
+my studio--to "make-believe," as the camera invariably does, that the
+apartment was six times larger than it really is. But the artist, who
+_should_ idealise if the photographer could not, who so sadly interfered
+with my enjoying my tea, who was sent to make the most of me to raise
+the enthusiasm of the readers and to increase the subscriptions,
+succeeded in doing with his pencil what no interviewer has done with his
+pen,--he made me wince! Here is a reduction of the serious portrait
+published.
+
+I have sat down time after time to answer young correspondents'
+questions about the "system" to adopt for the production of caricature.
+I invariably end by drawing imaginary caricatures of my correspondent
+and fail to reply. When interviewed on the subject of caricature, I
+discourse on the history of the Pre-Raphaelite movement, and the
+technique in the work of Burne-Jones, Rossetti, and Holman Hunt, and
+caricature is therefore driven from our minds.
+
+However, the difficulty was solved in a very unexpected manner. One day,
+whilst smoking my cigar after lunch, I overheard an interview in my
+studio, which I here reproduce.
+
+A Pencil of mine was working away merrily shortly after the opening of
+the Session, when suddenly my favourite Pen flew off the writing-table,
+where it had been enjoying a quiet forty winks, and alighted on the
+easel.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"How very awkward you are!" cried the Pencil. "See, you have knocked
+against and so agitated me that I have actually given Sir William an
+extra chin."
+
+"One more or less does not matter, does it?" rejoined the Pen. "I
+apologise, and trust you will make allowances for me, as I am only an
+artist's Pen, don't you know, and naturally rather uncouth, I fear."
+
+"Pray take a seat upon the indiarubber, and let me know to what I am
+indebted for the honour of this visit."
+
+"Well," continued the Pen, "I have flown over here to remind you of your
+promise to confess to me some of the secrets of caricature."
+
+"Ah, yes," replied the Pencil, "I remember now. I have really been so
+busy sketching Members of Parliament at St. Stephen's, that I had almost
+forgotten my promise."
+
+"A poor Pen is out of place in an artist's studio, except to minister to
+the requirements of the autograph hunter. Well, you need not be jealous.
+My literary flight is not intended to be a very high one after all. Now
+you know more about the secrets of the studio than I do; so tell me, is
+it the custom of H. F. to have a regular sitting for a caricature, after
+the fashion of the portrait painters?"
+
+"Oh, you are too delightfully innocent altogether," laughed the Pencil,
+rubbing its leaden head rapidly on a piece of paper, to sharpen its
+point. "A regular sitting! What do _you_ think? No, sir, no,
+emphatically never. Such an operation would be fatal to the delicate
+constitution of a caricature, and the result would not be worth the
+paper upon which it is drawn. It is only in ordinary portraiture that a
+sitting is required, and upon that point I have a theory."
+
+"Oh, never mind your theories now, old fellow," rejoined the Pen, as it
+took a sip of ink and prepared to chronicle the reply. "What I want to
+chat to you about at present is how to catch a caricature."
+
+The Pencil pricked up his ears, and with a knowing wink, said:
+
+"Ah, I see! You want to know secrets. Well, I will tell you 'how it's
+done.' The great point about a caricature is that it must be caught
+unawares. A man when he thinks he is unobserved struts about gaily, just
+for all the world like a hedgehog. All his peculiarities are then as
+evident as your cousins the quills upon the back of the fretful
+porcupine. But the moment the man or woman who is about to be
+caricatured observes H. F. take me in hand, I always notice that he
+shrivels up and collapses as quickly as one of the insectivora surprised
+at his feast. But wait a moment: now you ask me, I do recollect one
+unfortunate man who, despite H. F.'s protest, insisted upon coming here
+once to sit for a caricature. He looked the picture of misery, and sat
+in the chair there, just as if he were at a dentist's. H. F. made a most
+flattering portrait. Indeed, so much too handsome was it that I could
+hardly follow the workings of his fingers, I was laughing so."
+
+"'Oh, what a relief!' cried the sitter, when H. F. showed him the
+drawing. 'You have certainly made a pretty guy of me, but, thank heaven,
+I am not thin-skinned.'
+
+"'Only thick-headed,' muttered H. F. _sotto voce_ to me as he continued
+to chat with the sitter.
+
+"No sooner had he left the studio than the 'study' was in the fire, and
+the caricature which afterwards came from the Furniss was drawn entirely
+from memory.
+
+"The artist is in more evil case when he has absolutely no chance
+whatever of making the slightest memorandum, for he must trust to memory
+alone," remarked the Pencil.
+
+"Yet Pellegrini boasted that he always trusted to memory," said the Pen.
+
+"I know he did," replied the Pencil, "and more than once chaffed H. F.
+for bringing me out. H. F., I know, has the greatest admiration for most
+of Pellegrini's work, but thinks that 'Ape' certainly had the failing
+common to all Italian caricaturists of being cruel rather than funny. I
+may mention too, here, an incident for the truth of which H. F. can
+vouch, and which illustrates another weakness of the inhabitants of the
+Sunny South. When the poor fellow was ill a friend of his one day set to
+work to put his room in order, and in moving a screen was surprised to
+find behind it a number of soiled shirts. He began to count them over
+with a view to sending them to the laundry, when Pellegrini starting up
+exclaimed, 'You fellow! you leave my shirts there, or I am a ruined man.
+Don't you see they are my "shtock in drade"?' And sure enough upon the
+huge familiar linen cuffs were numerous notes in pencil--sketches, in
+fact, from life for coming caricatures. Now, when H. F. intends to trust
+entirely to memory, I often find that he makes a note in writing after
+this fashion: 'Like So-and-so, with a difference,'--and the difference
+is noted. Or 'Think of an animal, a bird, or a fish, and to that add
+So-and-so, and subtract So-and-so,' and this results in a portrait. For
+instance, if he saw a man like this, I should not be surprised by his
+writing a single word as 'Penguin' for his guidance, and so on."
+
+[Illustration: "PENGUIN."]
+
+"The old caricaturists, I suppose, had a decided advantage over the
+moderns in having artistic costumes to depict?" asked the Pen.
+
+"Of course," replied the Pencil. "Even up to the time of Seymour the
+tailor made the man, and was, therefore, largely responsible for the
+caricature. You have only to see Mr. Brown in the ordinary attire of
+to-day and also in Court dress to appreciate this, and sympathise with
+me."
+
+[Illustration: MR. BROWN, ORDINARY ATTIRE.]
+
+[Illustration: COURT DRESS.]
+
+"Now here is another point," continued the Pen, "upon which you can
+throw some light, old fellow. I have often seen letters on the
+writing-table from people asking H. F. for his recipe for the making of
+caricatures. I invariably scribble the same reply, 'Find out the chief
+points and exaggerate them.' Not satisfied with this, some have asked
+him to explain his _modus operandi_." "I recollect an instance," replied
+the Pencil. "It was in the studio here. An interviewer called, and asked
+H. F. to explain the art of caricature. So he took down a volume of
+portraits from the book-shelves, and opened it at this one. You see it
+is the head of a man who should be universally respected by us of the
+grey goose fraternity. 'Well, you see there is not much to caricature,'
+said H. F.; 'it is simply the portrait of a kindly, intellectual-looking
+man, the late Chief Librarian of the British Museum, I remember well,"
+continued the Pencil, brightening up, "H. F. took me in hand, and
+telling me to knock over the forehead, keep in the eyes, pull the nose,
+and wipe off the chin, produced a caricature 'on the spot.'"
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"I suppose sometimes you find caricatures ready-made, Mr. Pencil?"
+continued the Pen.
+
+[Illustration: A CARICATURE.]
+
+[Illustration: _NOT_ A CARICATURE.]
+
+"Of course we do," replied the Pencil. "Nature will have her joke
+sometimes, nor can we blame her, for it is only by reason of contrast
+that we admire the beautiful. _A propos_ of this, my dear Pen, I may
+tell you that in county Wexford, in Ireland, there is a certain very
+beautiful estate, round which runs a carefully-built wall. At a
+particular point the regularity ceases, and the wall runs on,
+constructed in every conceivable style, and contrary to all the canons
+of masonry. There is a legend that the owner of the estate, tired of the
+monotonous appearance of the wall, ordered that a certain space should
+be left in it which should be filled up with a barrier as irregular in
+construction as possible. This was done, and that portion of the wall is
+called the 'Ha-ha!' because so funny does it look that everyone who
+passes is observed to laugh. Now is it not much the same in Nature? A
+world full of Venuses and Adonises would soon pall. So now and then we
+find a human 'Ha-ha!' interspersed among them. In that case, I say, the
+caricaturist's work is already done. He has simply to copy Nature. Yet
+there are some who actually find fault with H. F. for doing that very
+thing, saying that his pencil (that's me) is 'unkind,' 'cruel,' 'gross,'
+and so on. There are many M.P.'s whom he habitually draws without the
+slightest exaggeration, notwithstanding which, Mr. Pen, there are
+members of your calling who do not scruple to inform the world that in
+drawing the Parliamentary 'Ha-ha!' as he is, H. F. is libelling him.
+There is one M.P. in particular---- No, I shall not give his name or
+show his portrait. I believe him to be very clever, very interesting,
+undeniably a great man, and extremely vain of his personal appearance.
+But he is built contrary to all the laws of Nature, and if H. F. draws
+him as he is, he is accused of libelling him. If he improves him, no one
+knows him. Oh, Mr. Pen, you may take it from me that the lot of the
+caricaturist is not a happy one."
+
+"For the matter of that," put in the Pen, "neither is the painter's. You
+know Gay's lines:
+
+              "So very like, a painter drew,
+              That every eye the picture knew,
+              He hit complexion, feature, air,
+              So just, the life itself was there.
+              He gave each muscle all its strength,
+              The mouth, the chin, the nose's length,
+              His honest pencil touched with truth,
+              And marked the date of age and youth.
+              He lost his friends, his practice failed,--
+              Truth should not always be revealed."
+
+But Gay did not live in the days of Sargent!"
+
+"We are getting on nicely," said the Pen. "Now answer a question which
+is often put to me--viz., why caricaturists eschew paint?"
+
+"Because," replied the Pencil, "people often seem to forget that in the
+present day, when events follow each other in quick succession, a
+subject becomes stale almost before the traditional nine days' interest
+in it has expired--that paint is no longer the medium by which a
+caricaturist can possibly express his thoughts. Of course, I am not
+referring to mere tinting, such as that in which the old caricaturists
+had their drawings reproduced, but to colouring in oils, after the
+manner of the great satirist Hogarth. Some may remember H. F.'s
+caricature in _Punch_ of the late Serjeant-at-Arms, Captain Gosset, as a
+black-beetle. Now, had he painted a full-length portrait of him, and
+sent it elaborately framed to the Royal Academy, it would not only have
+taken him very much longer to execute, but the Captain would not have
+looked a whit more like a black-beetle than he did in black and white in
+the pages of _Punch_.
+
+"It must be remembered, also, that in caricature everything depends upon
+contrast. For instance, in a Parliamentary sketch he can easily make Sir
+William Harcourt inflate himself to such an extent that he occupies a
+good third of the picture, but were he to paint a portrait of him of
+similar proportions it would be necessary to take the roof off
+Burlington House and bring over the Eiffel Tower to which to hang the
+enormous frame that would be requisite. Moreover, there would be an
+additional disadvantage, for it would be impossible to take in the whole
+figure at once, and it would be necessary to mount the first platform at
+least to obtain a peep at even the lowest of the series of chins which
+distinguishes the descendant of kings. However, it is just on the cards
+that some day he may open a Parliamentary Portrait Gallery, and then I
+can promise that Sir William will have justice done to him at last.
+Sixteen yards of 'Historicus' would assuredly be enough to draw the
+town. But, in point of fact, it would be just as reasonable to ask an
+actor why he is not an opera singer as well, or to ask an opera singer
+why he does not dispense with the music and play in legitimate tragedy,
+as to enquire of a modern caricaturist why he does not work in colours."
+
+The Pencil, after the delivery of this discourse, rolled over to the
+barber-knife, who trimmed him up.
+
+"There are some people," continued the Pen, "who object to be sketched
+in any shape or form. I recollect an editor once challenging H. F. to
+get a sketch of an interesting man who had defied photographers and
+artists alike, and absolutely refused to have his portrait taken. You
+will find a paragraph about this in press-cutting book, marked 'Pritt.'
+Just read it when I'm being attended to."
+
+  "Mr. Pritt, Leeds, is reckoned chief of the Yorkshire anglers. 'A
+  striking peculiarity with him,' a Yorkshire correspondent says, 'is that
+  he never will sit for his likeness. Mr. Harry Furniss, however, the
+  well-known artist of _Punch_, during his recent visit to Leeds, on the
+  occasion of the meeting of the British Association, managed to 'take'
+  Mr. Pritt; and the portrait, drawn in characteristic style, appears in
+  the _Yorkshire Weekly_ under the heading 'Caught at Last'."
+
+"Yes, that's it. H. F. was invited to dine by this curious and clever
+individual.
+
+"'Delighted to see you, Mr. Furniss; but _one_ thing I must ask you to
+understand _at once_--I'm not going to be sketched.'
+
+"'I assure you,' he said, 'I shall not sketch you unless you are well
+aware I am drawing you, and, in fact, willingly give me assistance.'
+
+"'That's very good of you. Now I am happy. I have made up my mind I
+shall never allow my face to be drawn or photographed, and once I make
+up my mind nothing in the world will move me.'
+
+"'Indeed!' he replied. 'But, pardon me, you have not always had that
+antipathy. I am looking at a photograph of you hanging on the wall
+there, taken when you were a baby.'
+
+"'Oh, ah! Do you detect that? No one knows it to be me. Of course, I was
+not accountable for my actions at that age.'
+
+"'Ah, how you have altered! Dear me! why, your nose is not that shape
+now. Here it is Roman; you have a sort of----'
+
+"'Have a--what, eh?'
+
+"'Have you a pencil?' (Taking me out.) 'This will do. Now, your nose is
+like that.'
+
+"'Is it? But my mouth is the same, isn't it?'
+
+"'Not quite--I will show you.'
+
+"'Of course, my chin isn't as round?'
+
+"'Oh, no! It's more like this. And you have less hair--see here.'
+
+"'Dear me! Of course, one can see who this is. This astonishes me.'
+
+"Someone else coming in at that moment, he quickly pocketed the sketch
+and me, and, much to his host's chagrin, it was duly published as a
+portrait of the gentleman from a 'special sitting'--'Caught at Last.'
+
+[Illustration: THE EDITOR OF _PUNCH_ SITS FOR HIS PORTRAIT.]
+
+"This reminds me, by the way, of a portrait which H. F. once drew of the
+author of 'Happy Thoughts' as a frontispiece to a new edition of that
+humorous book of books. Our guv'nor's first effort at this portrait was
+distinctly a failure, and no wonder, for the moment I was produced the
+editor of _Punch_ turned his back upon us, and, with the greatest
+vigour, commenced writing at his table. Not being so intimate then with
+Mr. Burnand as we subsequently became, both I and the guv'nor thought
+him peculiar. But after a considerable time the editorial chair was
+wheeled round, and with a smile its genial occupant said calmly, 'Well,
+let me see the result.'
+
+"'The result is _nil_ at present,' replied H. F., 'for I have not yet
+caught a glimpse of your face.'
+
+"Mr. Burnand looked surprised. 'Dear me!' he said; 'I thought you were
+making a study of me at work, you know.'
+
+"'All I could see was the back of your head in silhouette. There
+now--sit just as you are, please. That's exactly the pose and expression
+which I want to catch. Thanks!' cried the guv'nor, as he rapidly set to
+work, when suddenly all cheerfulness vanished from Mr. Burnand's
+countenance, as with a horrified look he pointed to the table by my
+side, where lay the sketching materials.
+
+"'What's that?' he cried, dismayed.
+
+"'Oh, a lump of bread, useful in touching up high lights,' said H. F.
+
+"'You don't say so! The sight of it quite upset me. I really thought you
+had brought your supper with you, and intended to work from me all
+night. I shall never recover my natural expression this evening, so
+please call again.' And as H. F. closed his sketch-book, the following
+brief colloquy took place:
+
+"The editor of 'Happy Thoughts': 'Caught anything?'
+
+"H. F.: 'No.'
+
+"The editor: 'Good evening!'
+
+"And the door closed.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Frequently a subject has posed for H. F. without being aware of the
+fact that he was making a sketch. For instance, in his happy hunting
+ground--Parliament--Brown, M.P., say, comes up to him in the Lobby: 'Ha!
+I see you are up to mischief--taking someone off.'
+
+"H. F. gives a knowing look, and points to Jones.
+
+"'Ha! ha! I see. I'll talk to him. Ha! ha! and I'll look out for the
+caricature. Don't be too hard on poor Jones!'
+
+"'Thanks, awfully,' replies H. F. He makes a rapid sketch, nods to Brown
+as much as to say, 'That'll do,' smiles, and walks off. He has of course
+never troubled about Jones at all; it's Brown he has been sketching all
+the time.
+
+"It is utterly absurd to imagine you can escape from the caricaturist.
+
+"H. F. trained himself to make sketches with his hand in his pocket, and
+worked away with me and his book--or rather cards, which he had
+specially for the purpose--whilst looking straight into the face of his
+victim. He manages in this way to sketch people sitting opposite to him
+in the train, and sometimes when talking to them all the time.
+
+"You know that without special permission from the Lord High Great
+Chamberlain no stranger is allowed to pass the door of the English House
+of Lords, even when it is empty; but when the precious Peers are
+sitting, the difficulty of making a sketch is too great for description.
+You are not allowed to sit down, speak, smile, sneeze, or sketch. H. F.
+once produced me in the House of Lords. Had he drawn a sword instead of
+a pencil he could not have created greater consternation. Explanation
+was useless. The officials knew that he was only for 'takkin' notes' for
+_Punch_, but the vision of a pencil produced an effect upon them the
+same as if they had caught sight of an infernal machine. But necessity
+is the mother of invention. It was then he hit upon the plan I have just
+told you about. He draws in his pocket. Keeping the card against his
+leg, he sketches quite easily. A pocket Hercules is an oft enough
+heard-of individual--so why not a pocket artist?
+
+[Illustration: SKETCH ON A SHIRT-CUFF.]
+
+"Previous to this he used to make a rapid note on his shirt-cuff; but
+that is a dangerous practice. Wives might resent the face if it were too
+pretty, and your washerwoman might recognise a Member of Parliament as
+her intimate friend. The incident which cured him of using his
+shirt-cuff for sketching happened at a large dinner, where he was
+introduced to the wife of a well-known public man, who soon showed she
+was not altogether pleased by the introduction, and truly at the moment
+he had forgotten that he had made a sketch of the lady on his
+shirt-cuff, which he did not take sufficient care to conceal.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"I recollect once on the terrace of the House of Commons he was
+sketching a lady of foreign extraction, the wife of a gentleman
+well-known to the Irish Party, with a profile something like this. I
+made the sketch, unfortunately, on the marble tea-table. When H. F.'s
+friends were leaving, he found he could not rub this off the table, and
+what embarrassed him more was the fact that some Irish Members were
+bearing down to take possession of the table as soon as we left. I had a
+rapid vision of our guv'nor floating in the Thames, being hurled over by
+the infuriated Members from the Emerald Isle; so I quickly transformed
+the lady into something resembling a popular Member of Parliament at the
+time, and, as we were leaving, I overheard an Irish Member say, 'Bedad!
+and Furniss has been dhrawin' that owld beauty, Mundella!'
+
+[Illustration: "MUNDELLA."]
+
+"Have you anything new?" asked the Pen. "May I look? I know that St.
+Stephen's is your happy hunting ground."
+
+"Ah, yes," responded the Pencil, "I know it well. But I can tell you it
+is not altogether a bed of roses. When we come across Members who have
+taken liberties with their personal appearance during the recess, H. F.
+and I resent it, I can tell you."
+
+"Naturally," observed the Pen in a voice of the utmost sympathy, "for it
+means more work."
+
+"Of course," continued the Pencil. "Now I have always held that model M.
+P.'s have no right to alter. They are the property of the political
+caricaturist, and what on earth is to become of him if the bearded men
+begin to shave and the smooth-faced to disguise themselves in
+'mutton-chops' or 'Dundrearys'? Yet they _will_ do it. We may draw them
+in their new guise, but the public won't have them at any price. They
+want their old favourites, and if they miss a well-known 'Imperial,' a
+moustache, a pair of dyed whiskers, or other such hall-mark in the
+picture, or on the other hand find a set of familiar chins concealed
+beneath an incipient Newgate fringe, a nose and chin which have been
+accustomed to meet for many a long year suddenly divided by the
+intrusion of a bristly moustache, or a delightfully asinine expression
+lost under the influence of a pair of bushy side-whiskers, recognition
+becomes impossible and the caricature falls flat. The fact is, my friend
+Pen, it is not only their features, but their characteristic attitudes
+which we make familiar, and their political differences cause the
+artistic effect. To me it is marvellous to note how differently artists
+draw the same head. Expression of course varies, but the construction of
+the head must always remain the same. Yet I have seen no less a head
+than that of Mr. Gladstone so altered in appearance in the work of
+different artists that I have been forcibly reminded of the old story of
+St. Peter's skull. A tourist travelling in Italy was shown a cranium at
+Rome which he was assured was the veritable relic. In Florence he was
+shown another, and somewhere else he was shown a third. Upon his
+remonstrating the guide observed, 'It is quite right, sir: the skull you
+saw at Rome was that of St. Peter when he was a boy; that at Florence
+was his when he was a young man, and this was his skull when he died.'
+
+"Then again, familiarity with the subject is only arrived at by
+continually watching and sketching a Member. A few years ago I was lying
+down in my berth in the sketch-book which was in H. F.'s pocket, when I
+overheard a conversation between him and Mr. Labouchere upon
+Parliamentary portraits."
+
+"What did H. F. say about them?" asked the Pen. "He ought to know the
+alphabet of Parliamentary portraiture at all events by this time."
+
+"You're right," nodded the Pencil. "He's drawn a few thousand of them in
+his time. What did H. F. say? Well, he told Labouchere that he always
+created a type for each Member, and to that he adheres."
+
+"'Yes,' said the Sage, late of Queen Anne's Gate, 'and when the original
+turns up, those who derive their impression of a Member from your
+sketches are disappointed if the two do not exactly tally.'"
+
+"But surely our guv'nor does not sketch direct from life?" asked the
+Pen, amazed.
+
+"Of course he does," indignantly replied the Pencil. "He whips me out of
+my bed at all times, but as he pointed out to the Member for Northampton
+(see how Parliamentary I am getting), it would never do invariably to
+sketch a man as you see him. 'For instance,' went on H. F. addressing
+him, 'I made a sketch of you, Mr. Labouchere, in the corridor of the
+House of Commons, kneeling on a seat, and had I never seen you before, I
+should have no doubt used this as a characteristic instead of an
+accidental attitude of yours.'
+
+"Just fancy what you would have written, my dear Pen, if you had seen in
+_Punch_ one of H. F.'s portraits of Lord Hartington with his hat upon
+the back of his head instead of over his eyes, or Mr. Gladstone depicted
+with a Shakespeare collar, or Mr. Cyril Flower without one, or Mr.
+Arnold Morley smiling, or Mr. Balfour looking cross, or Mr. Broadhurst
+in evening dress, or Mr. Chamberlain without an orchid in the
+button-hole of his coat! Yet I venture to say the time has been when Mr.
+Chamberlain may have had to rush down to the House orchidless, and when
+Mr. Broadhurst may have worn evening dress. Stranger things than that
+have happened, I can tell you. I have actually seen the irrepressible
+smile vanish from the face of Mr. John Morley. But never--no, never,
+will I believe that the ex-Chief Liberal Whip has ever looked jovial,
+that Mr. Gladstone and Mr. Cyril Flower ever exchanged collars, or that
+Lord Hartington ever wore his hat at the back of his head.
+
+[Illustration: MR. LABOUCHERE.]
+
+"On the other hand, my dear Pen, you know as well as I do that Lord
+Randolph Churchill did not wear imitation G.O.M. collars, that Mr.
+Herbert Gladstone is no longer in his teens, that Mr. Gladstone was not
+always so wild-looking as H. F. usually represented him, and that
+perhaps Sir William Harcourt is not simply an elephantine mass of
+egotism."
+
+"Then why did he draw them so?" enquired the Pen.
+
+"Ah! that is the secret of the caricaturist," laughed the Pencil. "There
+is something more in politicians, you know, than meets the eye, and the
+caricaturist tries to record it. You're so captious, my dear Pen. It is
+not given to everyone to see a portrait properly, however true it may
+be. Some folks there are who are colour-blind. There are others who are
+portrait-blind. Others again are blind to the humorous. An old M.P.
+came up to H. F. one day in the Lobby of the House of Commons when a new
+Parliament had assembled for the first time, and said to him, 'Well, you
+have a rich harvest for your pencil (that was me). I never saw such odd
+specimens of humanity assembled together before.'
+
+[Illustration: THE M.P. REAL AND IDEAL.]
+
+"'That may be so,' replied H. F., 'but mark my words, after a session or
+two, my comic sketches of the Members--for which, by the way, the
+specimens you are looking at are merely notes, and which you are now
+good enough to call faithful portraits--will become so familiar to you
+that they will cease to amuse you. And you may even come to pronounce
+them gross libels. In other words, you will find that their frequent
+repetition will rob them in your eyes of their comic character
+altogether, just as in the case with the attendants at the Zoo, on whose
+faces you will fail to detect the ghost of a smile at the most
+outrageous pranks of the monkeys, although you shall see everyone else
+in the place convulsed with laughter.'"
+
+"But surely, Mr. Pencil," argued the Pen, "you lose friends by
+caricaturing them?"
+
+"Not those who are worthy of friendship," replied the Pencil, with a
+solemn air. "And those who cannot take a joke are not worthy of it. H.
+F. is not a portrait painter. It makes the lead turn in my case to
+witness the snobbishness which exists nowadays among certain
+thin-skinned artists and writers. The Society grub has eaten the heart
+out of all true artistic ambitions. An honest satirist has no chance
+nowadays. He must not draw what he sees, or write what he really thinks
+about it. Pleasing wishy-washiness is idolised, whilst Hogarth is voted
+coarse. Great Scott! How this age of cigarettes and lemon squash would
+have stirred the pulse and nerved the brush of the greatest of English
+caricaturists!"
+
+[Illustration: THE PHOTO. AS HE REALLY IS.]
+
+Then as the Pencil wiped away a tear of regret for the decadence of
+English satirical art the Pen jotted down the following lines culled
+from the old tomb-stone at Chiswick:
+
+                "If Genius fire thee Stranger stay,
+                If Nature touch thee, drop a tear.
+                If neither move thee, turn away,
+                For Hogarth's honoured dust lies here."
+
+"When he has not seen a Member, and has no reference to go by, how does
+he manage?"
+
+"He does not find photography of much use. Sometimes, if he has to draw
+a man for some special reason, and has not seen him, a photograph is, of
+course, the only means possible; then he generally gets a letter
+something like this:
+
+  "'Dear Sir,--I enclose you a photograph of myself, the only one I
+  possess. It belongs to my wife, and she has reluctantly lent it, and
+  trusts you will take every care of it and return it at once. It was
+  taken on our wedding trip. I may mention that I have less hair at the
+  top of my head and more on my face, and I may seem to some a trifle
+  older.'
+
+"Well, here, you see, H. F. has to use his judgment.
+
+"But to my surprise H. F. received a visit from the original of the
+photograph shortly after his sketch was published, who came to inform
+the guv'nor that no one could possibly recognise him in the sketch; and
+when I saw him in the flesh I quite believed him. You can judge from the
+sketch how useful the photograph was.
+
+"The second appearance of the new and ambitious M.P. in the pages of
+_Punch_ did not satisfy the legislator either. It was not his face he
+took exception to, but his boots, like Mr. Goldfinch in 'A Pair of
+Spectacles.' He lost faith in his bootmaker, squeezed his extremities
+into patent leather shoes of the most approved and uncomfortable make,
+and hobbled through the Lobbies doing penance at the shrine of
+caricature. A caricature, you see, does not depend upon the face alone.
+
+"One of H. F.'s earliest Parliamentary caricatures was a sketch of Mr.
+Henry Broadhurst, the deservedly popular representative of the working
+classes. He was Member for Stoke when the sketch was made. There is no
+affectation about him. Neither the skin that covers his solid frame nor
+that which encases his active feet is thin. His figure is one of the
+best known and most characteristic in Parliament. Who is not familiar
+with the round, determined little head, with the short cropped hair, the
+square-cut beard, the shrewd expression, the genial smile, the short
+jacket, the horsey trousers, the round hat, and the thick boots? The
+figure often appeared in Mr. Punch's Parliamentary Portrait Gallery.
+When our friend the late William Woodall introduced his fellow-candidate
+to the electors of Stoke a voice cried out, 'We know 'im! we know 'im!
+We've seen 'is boots in _Punch!_'
+
+"No one can deny that the potters of Staffordshire are an artistic
+public.
+
+"The late chief proprietor of the leading paper had the largest feet
+ever seen in the House of Commons, and a certain noble lord whose name
+will ever be connected with Majuba carries off the palm for the largest
+in the Upper House. The new Member for ---- will, in due course, owe his
+Parliamentary fame to the extraordinary heels of his boots, if nothing
+else, just as the late Lord Hardwicke's reputation was due to the
+mysterious shine of his hat.
+
+"But, judging from the illustrated papers, M.P.'s all wear spats, new
+trousers every day (for they never have a crease), the most
+beautifully-fitting coats, and white hats with black bands round them.
+Why are they drawn so?" asked the Pen.
+
+"Excuse the familiar vulgar rejoinder--Ask me another."
+
+"I hear it said that you never caricature women."
+
+"What rot! Have I not worked in illustrating the Members of the Houses
+of Parliament for years, to say nothing of Judges and--their wives?"
+
+"I mean young women."
+
+"Oh, really I have no time to answer these questions; here are a bundle
+of my unpublished caricatures; take them and be off."
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER VI.
+
+PARLIAMENTARY CONFESSIONS.
+
+  Gladstone and Disraeli--A Contrast--An unauthenticated Incident--Lord
+   Beaconsfield's last Visit to the House of Commons--My Serious
+   Sketch--Historical--Mr. Gladstone--His Portraits--What he thought of
+   the Artists--Sir J. E. Millais--Frank Holl--The Despatch
+   Boxes--Impressions--Disraeli--Dan O'Connell--Procedure--American
+   Wit--Toys--Wine--Pressure--Sandwich Soiree--The G.O.M. dines with
+   "Toby, M.P."--Walking--Quivering--My Desk--An Interview--Political
+   Caricaturists--Signature in Sycamore--Scenes in the Commons--Joseph
+   Gillis Biggar--My Double--Scenes--Divisions--Puck--Sir R.
+   Temple--Charles Stewart Parnell--A Study--Quick Changes--His Fall--Room
+   15--The last Time I saw him--Lord Randolph Churchill--His Youth--His
+   Height--His Fickleness--His Hair--His Health--His Fall--Lord
+   Iddesleigh--Sir Stafford and Mr. Gladstone--Bradlaugh--His Youth--His
+   Parents--His Tactics--His Fight--His Extinction--John Bright--Jacob
+   Bright--Sir Isaac Holden--Lord Derby--A Political Prophecy--A Lucky
+   Guess--My Confession in the _Times_--The Joke that Failed--The
+   Seer--Fair Play--I deny being a Conservative--I am
+   Encouraged--Chaff--Reprimanded--Misprinted--Misunderstood.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration: THE INNER LOBBY OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS.]
+
+[Illustration:
+  1. Dr. Tanner
+  2. Rt. Hon. A. Akers-Douglas
+  3. Lord A. Hill
+  4. G. Cavendish-Bentinck
+  5. J. A. Pinton
+  6. Sir W. H. Houldaworth
+  7. Sir Albert K. Rollit
+  8. Rt. Hon. H. Chaplin
+  9. Sir E. Waskin
+  10. T. W. Rusell
+  11. Rt. Hon. C. B. Spencer
+  12. Christopher Sykes
+  13. Lord Halabury
+  14. H. Lubouchere
+  15. T. Sexton
+  16. Sir R. H. Fowler
+  17. Earl Spencer
+  18. Rt. Hon. J. Chamberlain
+  19. Admiral Field
+  20. Sir Frank Lockwood
+  21. Rt. Hon J. B. Balfour
+  22. Wm. Woodall
+  23. F. Ashmead Bartlett
+  24. Baden-Powell
+  25. Sir T. W. Maclure
+  26. Marquis of Hartington (Duke of Devonshire)
+  27. Sir R. Temple
+  28.  }
+  29.  } Press
+  30.  }
+  31.  }
+  32. H. W. Lucy (_Toby M.P._).
+  33. Rt. Hon. John Morley
+  34. Lord Randolph Churchill
+  35. Press (_Times_)
+  36.  "    "
+  37. J. Henniker Heaton
+  38. James A. Jacoby
+  39. Sir H. H. Howorth
+  40. P. Power
+  41. C. S. Parnell]
+
+
+Some years before Mr. Disraeli quitted the House of Commons upon his
+elevation to the Peerage, I enjoyed witnessing a very remarkable
+encounter between him and Mr. Gladstone. It was one of those passage
+of arms, or to be more correct I should say, perhaps, of words, which in
+the days of their Parliamentary youth were so frequent between the great
+political rivals; and although I am unable to recall the particular
+subject of the debate, or the exact date of its occurrence, I well
+remember that Mr. Gladstone had launched a tremendous attack against his
+opponent. However, notwithstanding the fact that from the outset of his
+speech it was evident that Mr. Gladstone meant war to the knife, that as
+it proceeded he waxed more and more hostile, and that his peroration was
+couched in the most vehement terms, Disraeli remained to the finish as
+if utterly unmoved, sitting in his customary attitude as though he were
+asleep, with his arms hanging listlessly at his sides. Once only during
+the progress of the attack he appeared to wake up, when, taking his
+single eye-glass, which he usually kept in a pocket of his waistcoat,
+between his finger and thumb, he calmly surveyed the House as if to
+satisfy himself how it was composed, just as an experienced cricketer
+eyes the field before batting, in order to see how the enemy are
+placed. Then, having taken stock of those present, the eye-glass was
+replaced in his pocket, and to all appearance he once more subsided into
+a tranquil slumber. But this was only a feint, for the very instant that
+Mr. Gladstone sat down up jumped Disraeli. The contrast between his
+method and that of Mr. Gladstone was very noticeable. Placing one hand
+artistically upon the box in front of him, and the other under his coat
+tails, he commenced to speak, and in the calmest manner possible,
+although with the most telling and polished satire, he aimed dart after
+dart across the table at Mr. Gladstone. As he proceeded to traverse the
+speech of his distinguished opponent with the most perfect and effective
+skill, it soon became evident that in reality he had slept with one eye
+open. With masterly tact, he had reserved the principal point in his
+reply to the end, and then, bringing his full force to bear upon it, the
+conclusion of his speech told with redoubled effect.
+
+[Illustration: LORD BEACONSFIELD. A SKETCH FROM LIFE.]
+
+Whilst upon the subject of Mr. Gladstone and Lord Beaconsfield, I may
+narrate a remarkable story, although I am unable to vouch for the
+accuracy of it, as I cannot remember who was my original informant, nor
+among my friends in or out of Parliament have I succeeded in discovering
+anyone who actually witnessed the incident to which it refers. Should it
+turn out to be an invention, like the champagne jelly of Lord
+Beaconsfield or the eye-glass of Mr. Bright, I shall no doubt be
+corrected. But if on the contrary the anecdote be authentic, I may earn
+some thanks for resuscitating it. In any case I can testify that at the
+time the story was told to me I had undoubtedly every reason to believe
+that it was true.
+
+A similar scene to that which I have described above was taking place in
+the House between Mr. Gladstone and Mr. Disraeli, when the latter in the
+course of his remarks had occasion to quote a passage from a recent
+speech made by his rival upon some platform in the country.
+
+Suddenly Mr. Gladstone started up and exclaimed:
+
+"I never said that in my life!"
+
+Disraeli was silent, and, putting his hands behind his back, simply
+gazed apparently in blank astonishment at the box in front of him.
+Several seconds went by, but he never moved. The members in the crowded
+House looked from one to the other, and many imagined that Disraeli was
+merely waiting for his opponent to apologise. But Mr. Gladstone, who had
+a habit, which he developed in later years, of chatting volubly to his
+neighbour during any interruption of this kind in which he was
+concerned, made no sign. A minute passed, but the sphinx did not move.
+
+A minute and a quarter, but he was still motionless.
+
+A minute and a half of this silence seemed as if it was an hour.
+
+When the second minute was completed, the excitement in the House began
+to grow intense. Disraeli seemed to be transfixed. Was he ill? Was the
+great man sulking? What could this strange silence portend?
+
+Two minutes and a half!
+
+Some Members rose and approached him, but Disraeli raised his hand as if
+to deprecate their interference, and they stole back to their places
+conscious that they were forbidden to interrupt. Then, at last, when the
+second hand of the clock had passed three times round its course, the
+most remarkable silence which the House had ever experienced within
+living memory was broken as the Tory leader slowly began once more to
+speak.
+
+"'Mr. Chairman,'" he said, "'and gentlemen,'" and then word for word he
+repeated the whole speech of Mr. Gladstone from which he had made his
+quotation, duly introducing the particular passage which the Liberal
+leader had denied. Then he paused and looked across at his rival. The
+challenge was not to be avoided, and Mr. Gladstone bowed. He would have
+raised his hat did he wear one in the House, which, in the phraseology
+of the ring, was equivalent to throwing up the sponge. Mr. Disraeli
+afterwards informed a friend that, working backwards, he had recalled
+the whole of Mr. Gladstone's speech to his mind. Beginning at the
+disputed quotation, he recovered the context which led up to it, and so
+step by step the entire oration. Then he was enabled to repeat it from
+the outset, exactly as he had read it.
+
+I saw Lord Beaconsfield in the House of Commons on the occasion of his
+last visit to that chamber in which he had been the moving spirit. I
+well recollect that morning. There had been an Irish all-night sitting:
+the House was supposed to be listening to the droning of some Irish
+"Mimber." The officials were weary, the legislative chamber was untidy
+and dusty, and many of those present had not had their clothes off all
+night. Lord Beaconsfield, scented, oiled, and curled, the daintiest of
+dandies, sits in the gallery, examining the scene through his single
+eye-glass. Leaning over him stands the ever-faithful Monty Corry--now
+Lord Rowton. I sat within a few yards of them, and made a sketch which
+happens to be the most successful study I ever made. The _Academy_ wrote
+of it: "In humour Mr. Harry Furniss generally excels; but his portrait
+of Lord Beaconsfield on his last appearance in the House of Commons is
+something else than amusing--it is pathetic, almost tragic, and will be
+historical;" and columns of flattering notices must be my excuse for
+confessing in these pages that I myself consider it to be the best
+portrait of Lord Beaconsfield, and in no way a caricature.
+
+[Illustration: THE LAST VISIT OF LORD BEACONSFIELD TO THE HOUSE.]
+
+A caricaturist is an artistic contortionist. He is grotesque for effect.
+A contortionist twists and distorts himself to cause amusement, but he
+is by nature straight of limb and a student of grace before he can
+contort his body in burlesque of the "human form divine." Thus also is
+it with the caricaturist and his pencil. The good points of his subject
+must be plainly apparent to him before he can twist his study into the
+grotesque; to him it is necessary that the sublime should be known and
+appreciated ere he can convert it into the ridiculous, and without the
+aid of serious studies it is impossible for him fully to analyse and
+successfully produce the humorous and the satirical. Perchance he may
+even entertain a feeling of admiration for the subject he is holding up
+to ridicule, for serious moments and serious work are no strangers to
+the caricaturist.
+
+[Illustration: MR. GLADSTONE. A SKETCH FROM LIFE.]
+
+The famous collars I "invented" for grotesque effect, but I always saw
+Mr. Gladstone without them, for to me his head has never been, as some
+suppose, a mere block around which to wreathe a fantastic and
+exaggerated collar.
+
+"I am told a Japanese artist who wishes to study a particular flower,
+for instance, travels to the part of the country where it is to be
+found; he takes no photographic camera, no superb sketching pad or box
+of paints, but he lives by the plant, watches day by day the flower
+grow, blossom, and decay, under every condition, and mentally notes
+every detail, so that ever afterwards he can paint that flower in every
+possible way with facility and knowledge. I have myself treated Mr.
+Gladstone as that Japanese artist treats the beautiful flower. I have
+frequently sat for many many hours watching every gesture, every change
+of expression. I have watched the colour leave his cheeks, and the hair
+his head; I have marked time contract his mouth, and have noted the
+development of each additional wrinkle. I have mused under the shade of
+his collars, and wondered at the cut of his clothes, sketched his three
+hats and his historical umbrella. More than that; during a great speech
+I have seen the flower in his button-hole fade under his flow of
+eloquence, seen the bow of his tie travel round to the back of his
+neck."
+
+[Illustration: MR. GLADSTONE.
+
+"I have seen the flower in his buttonhole fade under his flow of
+eloquence."
+
+_Engraved on wood from an original study._]
+
+Thus I spoke night after night from the platform, and the laugh always
+came with the collars. It was not as a serious critic that I was posing
+before the audience, so I could fittingly describe the collars rather
+than the man. But when I had left the platform and the limelight, and my
+caricatures, I have had many a chat with Mr. Gladstone's admirers, with
+regard to the light in which I saw the great man without his collars,
+and this fact I will put forward as my excuse for publishing in my
+"Confessions" a few studies that I have made from time to time of the
+Grand Old Man, as an antidote not only to my own caricatures, but to the
+mass of Gladstone portraits published, which, with very few exceptions,
+are idealised, perfunctory, stereotyped, and worthless. Generations to
+come will not take their impressions of this great man's appearance from
+these unsatisfactory canvases, or from the cuts in old-fashioned
+illustrated papers, in which all public men are drawn in a purely
+conventional tailor's advertisement fashion, with perfect-fitting coats,
+trousers without a crease, faces of wax, and figures of the fashionable
+fop of the period. The camera killed all this. But the photographer,
+although he cannot alter the cut of the clothes, can alter, and does
+alter, everything else. He touches up the face beyond recognition, and
+the pose is the pose the sitter takes before the camera, and probably
+quite different from his usual attitude. So it will be the caricatures,
+or, to be correct, the character sketches, that will leave the best
+impressions of Mr. Gladstone's extraordinary individuality.
+
+[Illustration: MR. GLADSTONE--CONVENTIONAL PORTRAIT.]
+
+I heard Mr. Gladstone express his own views on portraiture one evening
+at a small dinner-party. My host of that evening had hit on the happy
+idea of having portraits of the celebrities of the age painted for him
+by a rising young artist. It was curious to note Mr. Gladstone as he
+examined these portraits. His manner was a strange comment on the
+political changes which had taken place, for as he came to the portraits
+of those of his old supporters who no longer fought under his colours,
+he would pass them by as though he had not seen them, or if his
+attention were called to any of them he would seem not to recognise the
+likeness, and pass on till his eye lighted on some political ally still
+numbered among the faithful, when he would at once pronounce the
+portrait excellent, and dwell upon its merits with apparent delight. A
+portrait of Mr. Labouchere, however, he generally failed to recognise.
+The portrait represented the Member for Northampton in a contemplative
+mood, certainly not characteristic of his habitual demeanour in the
+House.
+
+"I have found," said he, "the artist I have been looking for for years.
+I have found an artist who can paint my portrait in four hours and a
+half; he has painted three in thirteen hours; that is Millais."
+
+I was much surprised by this curious criticism on portrait painting.
+Surely, if the portrait of the great orator is to be painted in four
+hours and a half, the same limitation, if carried out, would confine the
+greatest speech ever made to a period of four-and-a-half seconds!
+
+Someone pointedly asked Mr. Gladstone whether he liked Millais'
+portraits.
+
+"Well," he replied, evading any brutal directness of reply, "I have been
+very much interested with his energy; he is the hardest-working man I
+ever saw."
+
+"Do you prefer his result to Holl's?"
+
+"Ah, Holl took double the time, and put me in such a very strained
+position, nearly on tiptoe. I know my heels were off the ground; it
+tired me out, and I was really obliged to lie down and sleep
+afterwards."
+
+"You found Millais charming in conversation?"
+
+"He never spoke when at work; his interest in his work fascinated me."
+
+"Mr. Watts?"
+
+"Ah, there is a delightful conversationalist, and a wonderful artist; he
+has attempted my portrait often--three attempts of late years--but he
+has not satisfied himself, and I am bound to say that my friends are of
+the same mind."
+
+"I well remember," remarked Lord Granville, who was one of the party,
+"how uneasy poor Holl was before he painted your portrait. He came to me
+and said, 'I think if you would speak to Mr. Gladstone on some subject
+that would interest him, I would watch him, and that would aid me very
+much.'"
+
+In this picture of Mr. Gladstone the late Frank Holl failed to maintain
+his reputation as an artist of the highest class: that picture of the
+great Liberal leader was disappointing and altogether unworthy of his
+name. This was the more unfortunate because, by the exercise of a little
+forethought, the artist might easily have avoided that pitfall of
+portrait-painters, an awkward, constrained, and unaccustomed attitude,
+which Mr. Gladstone confessed was torturing him, and by a very simple
+expedient have succeeded in placing Mr. Gladstone in the position which
+everyone who has seen him in the act of delivering a speech in the House
+of Commons would have recognised at once as a true and characteristic
+pose.
+
+Here I have mentioned Mr. Gladstone himself, saying how uncomfortable he
+felt upon the occasion of Mr. Holl's visit to his house for the purpose
+of obtaining a sitting; but I should add that the genial artist who was
+to do the work informed me that he also was no less ill at ease. When
+Mr. Gladstone enquired how he should sit for the portrait, Mr. Holl,
+anxious no doubt to secure a natural pose, replied, "Oh, just as you
+like!" This appeared to disconcert the great statesman somewhat, and he
+appeared to be ruminating as to what sedentary attitude was really his
+favourite one, when Holl came to the rescue.
+
+[Illustration: CARICATURE OF THE HOLL PORTRAIT.]
+
+"I happened," said Mr. Gladstone, "to be standing at my library table
+with my hands upon a book, when Mr. Holl said, 'That will do, Mr.
+Gladstone, exactly,' and the result was that he painted me in that
+position. But I felt uncommonly awkward and uncomfortable the whole
+time, and as I have just said, I had to lie down and sleep after each
+sitting."
+
+Now why was this? It was the very attitude of all others with which we
+who have studied it so often when the ex-Premier has been standing at
+the table in the House are so familiar. No artist who had once seen him
+in that position would have failed to select it as the most favourable
+and characteristic for the purposes of a historical portrait. And yet
+the picture, when it was completed, was a failure, and the artist
+himself knew that it was. The explanation is, I think, very simple, and
+it exemplifies once more the truth of the formula which defines genius
+to be "an infinite capacity for taking pains." Frank Holl undoubtedly
+had talent, but his omission of an important detail in this picture--a
+detail which would have probably made all the difference between success
+and failure--shows once more by how narrow a line the highest art is
+often divided from the next best, that art of which we have such a
+plethora nowadays--which just contrives to miss hitting the bullseye of
+perfection.
+
+When Mr. Holl exclaimed, "That will do, Mr. Gladstone, exactly," he was
+no doubt impressed with the idea that the great orator was more at ease
+standing at the table in the House of Commons than in any other
+position, and he therefore selected it for his picture. But he forgot
+that upon the table in the House there stands a box on which Mr.
+Gladstone was always in the habit, when he was speaking, of resting one
+of his hands, and that if that box was missing he would naturally,
+although perhaps unconsciously, be sensible that something to which he
+was accustomed was absent, and that he would therefore be as
+uncomfortable as a fish out of water. This was actually the case. But if
+some substitute for the box, of the proper height and size, had been
+forthcoming, I have not the slightest doubt, from my long and close
+observation of the habits and movements of Mr. Gladstone in the House,
+that he would at once have dropped easily into his customary attitude,
+and that the picture in the hands of so true an artist as Holl would
+then have been a conspicuous success.
+
+Mr. Gladstone was asked whether he thought the tone of the House had
+degenerated in recent times. He replied that he did not think so at all,
+quoting in proof that after the introduction of the first Reform Bill
+many Members used to express their feelings in cock-crows and other
+offensive ways. Mr. Gladstone, however, at the time I met him, was
+getting decidedly deaf, and no doubt much that went on behind him in the
+House "did not reach" him.
+
+Asked if the "count out" ought to be abolished, Mr. Gladstone said it
+was too convenient a custom to be abolished, but that he noticed a very
+important alteration of late years in the mode of conducting it. Years
+ago he recollected it was the rule that, when a Member moved that
+"forty Members were not present, he was obliged to remain in his place
+while the 'count out' was in progress." "Now," said Mr. Gladstone, "he
+gets up and rushes out.
+
+"Indeed," continued the veteran statesman, "I understand very little
+about the rules and regulations of the House now. I am very ignorant
+indeed; I believe I am the most ignorant man in the House, and I mean to
+continue so; it is not worth my while to begin now to learn fresh
+rules."
+
+[Illustration: NOTE OF MR. GLADSTONE MADE IN THE PRESS GALLERY WITH THE
+WRONG END OF A QUILL PEN.]
+
+He told us of a curious incident which happened in the House when he was
+a young Parliamentary hand. Members did not leave the House for a
+division, but it was left to the discretion of the Speaker to decide
+which side was in the majority. He would then order them to walk to the
+other side of the House, and anyone remaining would of course be counted
+with the opposite side. Old Sir Watkin Wynn, I believe, was determined
+to vote against a certain Bill. He had been hunting all day, and rode up
+to town in time to vote. Arriving in his hunting costume and muddy
+boots, he took his seat tired out, and soon went fast asleep. The
+division came on, and his party were ordered to go over to the other
+side of the House. He slept in blissful ignorance, waking some time
+afterwards to find to his horror that he had been counted with those in
+favour of the Bill.
+
+Mr. Gladstone remarked that it was curious that in the old days the
+Whips could tell to a vote how a division would go. He recollected well,
+in 1841, a vote of no confidence in Lord Melbourne was moved. The point
+was going to be decided by one vote. I shall never forget the "Grand Old
+Man's" graphic description of that vote. There was an old Member who was
+known to be to all intents and purposes as dead as a door-nail. The
+excitement was intense to know if that still breathing corpse could be
+brought to vote. Mr. Gladstone, with other young Tory Members, stood
+anxiously round the lobby door watching, and just at the critical moment
+when the vote was to be taken the all but lifeless body was borne along
+ignorant of all that was going around him, his vote was recorded, and
+that one vote sealed the fate of a Ministry.
+
+In Mr. Gladstone's opinion, American humour invariably consisted in
+dealing with magnitudes. He preferred to hear American stories on this
+side of the Atlantic. He never had been in America, and never intended
+going. He expressed himself as apprehensive of the effect on the nervous
+system of the vibration caused by the engines of a steamer travelling at
+a high speed, but spoke with admiration of the rapid travelling at sea
+performed by the Continental mail packets, saying that a few days
+before, returning from the Continent, he had only just settled down to
+read when he was told to disembark, for the steamer had reached Dover.
+
+I overheard Mr. Gladstone asking the question: "Why is it that when we
+get a good thing we do not stick to it?" I fully expected him to launch
+into some huge political question, such as the "Unity of the Empire" or
+"Universal Franchise." Instead of this, I was somewhat surprised to hear
+him proceed: "Now, I recollect an excruciatingly funny toy which you
+wound up, and it danced about in a most comical way. I have watched that
+little nigger many and many a time, but lately I have been looking
+everywhere to get one. I have asked at the shops in the Strand and
+elsewhere, and they show me other things, but not the funny nigger I
+recollect, so I have given up my search in despair."
+
+I noticed that Mr. Gladstone took champagne at dinner, and after dinner
+a glass of port. Some conversation arising with reference to the history
+of wines, the old politician seemed to know more on the subject than
+anyone else at table; in fact, during the whole evening, there was not a
+subject touched upon on which he did not give the heads for an
+interesting essay. The only time Mr. Gladstone mentioned Ireland was in
+connection with the subject of wines, when he dilated upon the beauties
+of Newfoundland port, which was to be found in Ireland in the good old
+days.
+
+In one respect Mr. Gladstone was not an exception among the old, for he
+seemed fond of dwelling upon the great age which men have attained. He
+seemed to think that the high pressure at which we live nowadays would
+show its effect on the longevity of the rising generation, and remarked:
+
+"You young men will have a very bad time of it."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+It is curious that very few statesmen indeed have led the House of
+Commons in their old age. It may be said that Lord John Russell was the
+first to do so; Lord Palmerston also was very old before he obtained
+office. And so chatted the Grand Old Man, in the most fascinating and
+delightful manner. He was always the same on such occasions, entering
+into the spirit of the entertainment, and, as was his habit, forgetting
+for the time everything else. When my old friend William Woodall, M.P.
+for Stoke (Governor-General of the Ordnance in Mr. Gladstone's
+Government 1885), gave at St. Anne's Mansions his famous "Sandwich
+Soirees" to his friends, the spacious ballroom on the ground floor
+packed with his many friends--a characteristic, polyglot gathering of
+Ministers and Parliamentarians of all kinds, musicians, dramatists,
+authors, artists, actors, and journalists, who sang, recited, and gave a
+gratuitous entertainment (for some of these I acted as his hon.
+secretary, and helped to get together a collection of modern paintings
+on the walls, besides designing the invitations)--I recollect the
+greatest success was the Grand Old Man. There was "standing room" only,
+but a chair was provided for Mr. Gladstone in the centre of the huge
+circle which had formed around the mesmerist Verbeck. Many guests sat on
+the floor, to afford those behind a better chance of seeing. The Prime
+Minister, noticing this, absolutely declined to be an exception, and he
+squatted "a la Turk" on the floor. I confess this struck me as "playing
+to the gallery." It certainly was playing to the Press, for Mr.
+Gladstone's attitude on that occasion was paragraphed all over the
+country, by means of which fact I have here refreshed my memory. In
+fact, Mr. Gladstone was always _en evidence_. When the great statesman
+dined with Toby, M.P., I was sitting close to him. He had dispensed with
+his own shirt-collars, and wore quite the smallest, slenderest, and most
+inconspicuous of narrow, turn-down collars, assumed for that occasion
+only. "One of Herbert's cast-offs," someone whispered to me. "That's
+strange," said another guest to me. "Last night at dinner the pin in the
+back of Gladstone's collar came out, and as he got excited, the collar
+rose round his head, and we all agreed that 'Furniss ought to have
+witnessed what he has so often drawn, but never seen.'"
+
+[Illustration: MR. GLADSTONE SITS ON THE FLOOR.]
+
+Mr. Lucy has made the statement that Mr. Gladstone was "a constant
+student of _Punch_" and "knew no occasion upon which he was not able to
+join in the general merriment of the public; but hadn't there been
+enough about the fabulous collars?"
+
+I received an editorial order to bury them, "but before long they were
+out again, flapping their folds in the political breeze."
+
+[Illustration: THE FRAGMENT OF _PUNCH_ MR. GLADSTONE DID _NOT_ SEE.]
+
+Well, I have no doubt that Mr. Gladstone for many years was "a constant
+student of _Punch_," for during the greater portion of his political
+career he was idealised in the pages of _Punch_, and not caricatured. I
+doubt very much, however, if he made _Punch_ an exception in his latter
+period, for it is well known that for years he was only allowed to see
+flattering notices of himself, and all references at all likely to
+disturb him were kept from his sight. At Mr. Lucy's own house, the night
+Mr. Gladstone dined with him, a copy of _Punch_ was lying on the table,
+containing a rare thing for _Punch_--a supplement. In this case it took
+the shape of my caricatures of the Royal Academy, 1889. Just as dinner
+was announced Mr. Gladstone saw the paper, and was on the point of
+taking it up. I handed it to him, but at the same moment slipped the
+supplement out of the number and threw it under the table, for it
+contained a caricature of Professor Herkomer's Academy portrait of Mrs.
+Gladstone, objecting to being placed next to a lady by Mr. Val Prinsep
+sitting for the "altogether." During dinner Mr. Gladstone mentioned this
+portrait of Mrs. Gladstone, and expressed great delight with Herkomer's
+work: it showed her mature age, he said, and as a portrait was very
+happy and true--he did not say anything about the hanging of it!
+
+Mr. Gladstone was the life and soul of a party, and seemed to enjoy
+being the centre of attraction wherever he was.
+
+[Illustration: THE GLADSTONE MATCHBOX.]
+
+Mr. Gladstone's portrait has been adopted by others besides
+caricaturists. It is carved as a gargoyle in the stone-work of a church,
+and the head of the Grand Old Man has been turned into a match-box. The
+latter I here reproduce. It was shown to me one evening when I was the
+guest at the Guard Mess at St. James's Palace. A clever young Guardsman,
+who had a taste for turning, worked this out in wood from my caricatures
+of Mr. Gladstone, and I advised his having it reproduced in pottery. The
+suggestion was carried out by the late Mr. Woodall, the Member for the
+Potteries, and was largely distributed at the time the G.O.M. was
+politically meeting his match and thought by some to be a little
+light-headed.
+
+In being shown round the beautiful municipal buildings in Glasgow I
+found my caricature there accidentally figuring in the marble-work; and
+the guides at Antwerp Cathedral (as I have mentioned in the first
+chapter) point out a grotesque figure in the wood carving of the choir
+stalls which resembles almost exactly Mr. Gladstone's head as depicted
+by me.
+
+I find a note which I introduce here, as I hardly know where to place it
+in this hotch-potch of confessions. Is it a fact that Mr. Gladstone
+once signed a caricature of himself? In 1896 a Mr. J. T. Cox, of the
+"Norwich school" of amateurs, procured a slab of a sycamore tree felled
+by Mr. Gladstone, and on it reproduced in pencil my _Punch_ cartoon
+depicting a visit of the "Grand Old Undergrad" to his Alma Mater,
+Oxford. This was sent to Hawarden, and returned signed with the
+following note:
+
+                                                      "HAWARDEN CASTLE.
+
+  "Mr. Gladstone is obliged to refuse his signature, but Mrs. Drew asked
+  him for it for herself on enclosed--it was so cleverly arranged.
+
+  "_May 5th_, 1896."
+
+Here is to me, I confess, a first-he-would-and-then-he-wouldn't, Cox and
+Box mystery I fail to explain.
+
+I drew the G.O.M., Mr. Cox drew me, he drew Mrs. Drew, and Mrs. Drew
+drew Mr. Gladstone. Mr. Gladstone refused his signature, and yet he
+signed it. I think he signed his cut of sycamore, and not my cut at him.
+
+Both as a "special artist" for the _Illustrated London News_ in my
+pre-_Punch_ days, and later for various periodicals, I saw and sketched
+Mr. Gladstone on many important occasions, but towards the end of his
+career it was sad to see the great man. The _Daily News_ once gave me a
+chance in the following account of Mr. Gladstone during one of these
+scenes; when Mr. Gladstone, having accidentally mentioned the approach
+of his eightieth birthday, "the vast audience suddenly leapt to its feet
+and burst into ringing cheers. Mr. Gladstone was evidently deeply
+touched by this spontaneous outburst of almost personal affection. He
+stood with hands folded, head bent down, and _legs quivering_." The fun
+of this joke, however, lies in the fact that the "legs" which quivered
+were the telegraph operators'. The reporter wrote "lips."
+
+So great was the public admiration for the illustrious leader of the
+Liberal Party that merely to see him was, to the majority of his
+audience, enough. In later years he could not be heard at public
+meetings. Penetrating as his voice was, it was absolutely impossible for
+any but those standing immediately around the platform to hear him upon
+such occasions as that of the famous Blackheath meeting, or those at
+Birmingham or elsewhere; but the masses nevertheless came in their
+thousands, and were more than repaid for their trouble by catching only
+a distant glimpse of William Ewart Gladstone.
+
+Whatever one may think of Mr. Gladstone as a politician (and some say
+that he was no statesman, and others that he was never sincere, while
+many maintain that he was merely a "dangerous old woman"), all must
+agree that as a man he was a figure that England might well be proud of.
+It will be interesting to see what historians will make of him. When the
+glamour of his personality is forgotten, what will be remembered? His
+figure, his face--and shall I say his collars?
+
+[Illustration]
+
+In my time Mr. Parnell was the most interesting figure in Parliament,
+and, after Mr. Gladstone, had the greatest influence in the House. Mr.
+Gladstone was, politically speaking, Parliament itself (at one time he
+was the Country); but I doubt if even Mr. Gladstone ever hypnotised the
+House by his personality as Parnell did. There was a mystery in
+everything connected with the great Irish leader; no mystery hung about
+Mr. Gladstone. Mr. Gladstone in the House was voluble, eloquent,
+communicative. Mr. Parnell was silent, a poor speaker, and as
+uncommunicative as the Sphinx. Mr. Gladstone's power lay in his
+unreservedness; Mr. Parnell's lay in his absolute reserve. His orders
+were "No one to speak to the man at the wheel," and the man at the wheel
+spoke to no one. He guided the Irish ship just as he liked over the
+troubled waters of a political crisis, and not one of his men knew what
+move would be his next. By this means, so foreign to the Irish
+character, he held that excitable, rebellious, irrepressible crew in
+thrall. He made them dance, sleep, roar; he made them obstructionists,
+orators, buffoons, at his will. He made them everything but friends. A
+characteristic story was circulated when Parnell was known as "the
+uncrowned king." Accompanied by his faithful private secretary, he was
+walking from the House, when he met one of his colleagues. The satellite
+saluted his chief and "smiled affably at the private secretary." Mr.
+Parnell took no notice whatever of Mr. ----, but after a few seconds had
+elapsed, turned to his companion and said, "Who was that, Campbell?"
+
+"Why, ----" (mentioning the name of the hon. Member), was the reply.
+
+"What a horrible-looking scoundrel!" exclaimed the uncrowned king in his
+most supercilious manner, and then began to talk of something else.
+
+He was a study as fascinating to the artist as to the politician, and no
+portrait ever drawn by pen or pencil can hand down to future generations
+the mysterious subtlety in the personality of the all-powerful leader.
+
+[Illustration: PARNELL.]
+
+He was as puzzling to the Parliamentary artist as he was to the
+politician: he never appeared just as one expected him. When I first
+made a sketch of him he had short hair, a well-trimmed moustache,
+shortly-cut side whiskers, a neat-fitting coat and trousers, and
+well-shaped boots. He then let his beard and hair grow, and his coat and
+trousers seemed to grow also--the coat in length and the trousers in
+width; and his boots grew with the rest--they were ugly and enormous.
+His hat didn't grow, but it was out of date. Then he would cut his beard
+and hair again, wear a short coat, a sort of pilot jacket, and
+eventually a long black coat. So that if a drawing was not published at
+once it would have been out of date.
+
+Some artists have been flattering enough to take my sketches as
+references for Parliamentarians, but others depended on photographs, and
+for years I have seen Mr. Parnell represented with the neatly-trimmed
+moustache and closely-cut side whiskers. _A propos_ of this, I may
+mention here how mistakes often become perpetuated. John Bright, for
+instance, was generally represented in political sketches with an
+eye-glass. This was a slip made by an artist in _Punch_ many years ago.
+But ever after John Bright was represented with an eye-glass--which he
+never wore, except on one occasion just to see how he liked it.
+
+The effect upon the House when Mr. Parnell rose was always dramatic. He
+sat there during a debate, seldom, if ever, taking a note, with his hat
+well over his eyes and his arms crossed, in strong contrast to the
+restlessness of those around him. When he rose, it seemed an effort to
+lift his voice, and he spoke in a hesitating, ineffective manner.
+Neither was there much in what he said, but he was _Parnell_, and the
+fact that he said little and said it quietly, that what he said was not
+prepared in consultation with his Whips or with his Party, that in fact
+he was playing a game in which his closest friends were not consulted,
+made his rising interesting from the reporters' gallery to the
+doorkeepers in the Lobby the other side.
+
+Mr. Parnell seemed to have been very little affected by his continued
+reverses; and perhaps the only visible effect of his loss of power was
+that the "uncrowned king" of Ireland changed his top-hat to a plebeian
+bowler, but he did not change his coat. He was always careless about his
+dress, and his tall, handsome figure looked somewhat ridiculous when he
+wore a bowler, black frock coat, and his hair as usual unkempt.
+
+The fall of Parnell was one of the most sensational and certainly the
+most dramatic incident in the history of Parliament.
+
+Mr. Parnell was politically ruined and the Irish Party smashed beyond
+recovery in the famous Committee Room No. 15, after the disclosures in
+the Divorce Court in which Mr. Parnell figured as co-respondent. Mr.
+Parnell had found the Irish Party without a leader, without a programme,
+without a future. He had by his individual force made it a power which
+had to be reckoned with, and which practically controlled Parliament. He
+had been attacked by the most important paper in the world. He had come
+out of the affair, in the eyes of many, a hero; he made his Party
+stronger than their wildest dreams ever anticipated. But his followers
+little thought that in hiding from them his tactics he had also hidden
+the weakness which caused his ultimate downfall. Howbeit the Irish
+Party, whom he held in a hypnotic trance, agreed to stand by him still.
+Then, suddenly, Mr. Gladstone made his demand for a sacrifice to Mrs.
+Grundy. His famous letter, written November 24th, 1894, to Mr. Morley,
+was the death-warrant to Parnellism, and, as it subsequently proved, to
+Gladstonianism as well.
+
+There was a strange fascination in watching the mysterious Leader of the
+Irish Party during the crisis, and I took full advantage of my privilege
+in the House to do so. I was in and about the House early and late, and
+probably saw more of Mr. Parnell than anyone else not connected with
+him. It was just before his exposure that I happened to be in an
+out-of-the-way passage leading from the House, making a little note in
+my sketch-book on a corner of the building, when Mr. Parnell walked out.
+He stood close by, not observing me, and was occupied for a minute in
+taking letters out of the pocket on the right side of his overcoat: they
+were unopened. He looked at them singly; now and then he would tap one
+on the other, as much as to say, "I wonder what is in that?" Then he
+passed it over with the others and put them all into the pocket on the
+left side of his overcoat, and strolled off to catch his train to
+Brighton. That incident, as I subsequently found out, was the cause of
+much of his trouble; for I was informed, when I mentioned it to a great
+friend of Mr. Parnell's and of mine--Mr. Richard Power--that about that
+time he had written him important letters which might have saved him if
+they had been attended to in time.
+
+But those who saw the fallen chief during the sittings in Committee Room
+No. 15, when, through the letter of Mr. Gladstone to which I have
+referred, he was denounced, and had to fight with his back to the wall,
+can never forget his tragic figure during that exciting time. No one
+knew better than he that the tactics of his lieutenant would be cunning
+and perhaps treacherous; so this lazy, self-composed man suddenly awoke
+as a general who finds himself surprised in the camp, and determines to
+keep watch himself. Every day he took by right the chair at the
+meetings. Had he not been present, who knows that it would not have been
+wrested from him? In the early afternoon I saw him more than once walk
+with a firm step, with an ashy pale face, his eyes fixed straight in
+front of him, through the yard, through the Lobby, up the stairs, and
+into Room 15, accompanied by his secretary, Mr. Campbell. The members of
+his Party, on their arrival, found him sitting where they had left him
+the night before. I recollect one morning, as he passed where I was
+standing, he never moved his head, but I heard him say to Mr. Campbell,
+"Who's that? what does he want?" in a sharp, nervous manner. He never
+seemed to recognise anyone, or wish them to recognise him. His one idea
+was to face the man who wished to fight him in the little ring they had
+selected in the Committee Room No. 15.
+
+[Illustration: TO ROOM 15.]
+
+No outsider but myself heard any portion of that debate, for at the
+beginning of it the reporters, who were standing round the doors outside
+to hear what they could, were ordered away; and I was left there, not
+being a reporter, to finish a rather tedious sketch of the corridor. A
+policeman was placed at either end of this very long passage, and if
+anyone had to pass that way he was not allowed to pause for a moment at
+the door of the room upon which the interest of the political world was
+centred at the moment. Nearly all the time I was there I only saw the
+policeman at either end, and one solitary figure seated on the bench
+outside the door. It was the figure of a woman with a kind,
+homely-looking face, resting with her head upon her hand. She seemed not
+to be aware of, or at least not interested in what was going on inside;
+she simply sighed as Big Ben tolled on toward the hour for the dismissal
+of the Leader of the Irish Party. She was the wife of a blind Member of
+Parliament who was taking part in the proceedings, and her thoughts were
+evidently more intent upon seeing that her husband was not worn out by
+that strange, long struggle than in the political significance of the
+meeting.
+
+[Illustration: OUTSIDE ROOM 15.]
+
+It was my good fortune to hear what was perhaps the most interesting of
+the speeches--John Redmond's defence of his chief--and I never wish to
+listen to a finer oration. Everyone admits that the Irish are, by
+nature, good speakers, but they are not always sincere. Here was a
+combat in which there was no quarter, no gallery, and no reporters. The
+men spoke from their hearts, and if any orator could have moved an
+assembly by his power and genius, Mr. Redmond ought to have had a
+unanimous vote recorded in favour of his chief. I am not a phonograph,
+nor was I a journalist privileged to record what passed, and have no
+intention of breaking their trust.
+
+I shall never forget the scene one Wednesday afternoon when Mr. Maurice
+Healy, brother of "Tim," and one of the Members for Cork, challenged Mr.
+Parnell to retire and so enable their respective claims to the
+confidence of the people of Cork to be tested. He tried to drag Mr.
+Parnell into a newspaper controversy upon this point, but failing to do
+so repeated in tragic tones his somewhat Hibernian sentiment that Mr.
+Parnell did not represent the constituency which elected him. Mr.
+Maurice Healy, a somewhat sickly-looking young man, with a family
+resemblance to his brother, is much taller than his more famous
+relative, but lacks the stamina and vivacity of the Member for Longford.
+
+At this moment, when the Irish Party might have been likened to
+machinery deprived of its principal wheel, it was curious to notice how
+energetic Mr. Parnell became. He tried to cover his position by being
+unusually active in Parliament; he followed the Chief Secretary for
+Ireland in the debates upon the Land Purchase Bill, to the obvious
+discomfort of Mr. Morley, and rather delighted the young Conservatives
+by twitting the faction which had thrown him over. His speeches,
+however, were laboured, and, as one of the Irish Members remarked to me
+in the Lobby, it had a curious effect on them to see Mr. Parnell sit
+down after making an important speech without hearing a single cheer.
+And whereas for years he had addressed the House with the greatest
+calmness, his chief characteristic being his "reserve force," he now
+changed all this, and one Friday night caused quite a sensation in the
+House in his attack upon Mr. Gladstone, not so much by what he said as
+by the manner in which he said it. His excitement was visible to all,
+and he was observed to be positively convulsed with anger. He also
+remained, contrary to his previous custom, late in the House.
+
+The last occasion on which I saw Charles Stewart Parnell was a few
+months before his death. I was in Dublin during the Horse Show week,
+giving my "Humours of Parliament" to crowded houses in the "Ancient
+Concert Rooms," and my ancient hotel rooms were at Morrison's
+Hotel--"Parnell's Hotel," for the "uncrowned king" (at that time
+deposed) always stopped there--in fact it was said he had an interest in
+the property. It was late on Sunday afternoon. I was writing in my
+sitting-room on the first floor, next to Parnell's room, when the
+strains of national music of approaching bands smote my ear, and soon
+the hotel was surrounded by a cheering, shouting crowd. Banners were
+flying, bands were playing, thousands of voices were shouting. Standing
+in a brake haranguing the surging mass of people was the familiar figure
+of Charles Stewart Parnell. With difficulty he descended from the brake,
+and had literally to fight his way into the hotel, while his worshippers
+clung on to him into the building, till they were seized and ejected by
+the servants. I went out of my door to see the scene, and in the passage
+outside, between Parnell's sitting-room and mine, he sat apparently
+exhausted. His flesh seemed transparent--I could fancy I saw the
+pattern of the wall-paper through his pallid cheeks. The next moment,
+before I was aware, another figure sat on the same seat, arms were
+thrown round my neck. It was my old Irish nurse, who had come up from
+Wexford to see me, and had been lying in wait for me.
+
+[Illustration: OUTSIDE MY ROOM.]
+
+The first picture I drew for _Punch's_ essence of Parliament was a
+portrait of Lord Randolph Churchill, "Caught on the Hip," to illustrate
+the following truly prophetic words of Toby, M.P.: "The new delight you
+have given us is the spectacle of an undisciplined Tory--a man who will
+not march at the word of command and snaps his fingers at his captain.
+You won't last long, Randolph; you are rather funny than witty--more
+impudent than important." That was written at the opening of Parliament,
+1891.
+
+[Illustration: "THE G.O.M." AND "RANDY."]
+
+I must plead guilty to being the cause of giving an erroneous impression
+of Lord Randolph's height. He was not a small man, but he _looked_
+small; and when he first came into notoriety, with a small following,
+was considered of small importance and, by some, small-minded. It was to
+show this political insignificance in humorous contrast to his bombastic
+audacity that I represented him as a midget; but the idea was also
+suggested from time to time by his opponents in debate. Did not Mr.
+Gladstone once call him a gnat? and do we not find the following lines
+under _Punch's_ Fancy Portraits, No. 47, drawn by Mr. Sambourne?
+
+          "There is a Midge at Westminster,
+            A Gnatty little Thing,
+              It bites at Night
+              This mighty Mite,
+            But no one feels its sting."
+
+Two gentlemen of Yorkshire had a dispute about his correct height, and
+one of them, anxious to have an authoritative pronouncement, wrote to
+the noble Lord, and received the following reply:
+
+                                       "2, CONNAUGHT PLACE, W.
+
+  "Dear Sir,--Lord Randolph Churchill desires me to say, in reply to
+  your letter of the 21st inst., that his height is just under 5ft. 10in.
+
+                 "I am, yours faithfully,
+
+                                    "CECIL DRUMMOND-WOLFF, Secretary."
+
+[Illustration: MR. LOUIS JENNINGS.]
+
+Lord Randolph Churchill was a mere creature of impulse, the spoilt pet
+of Parliament--what you will--but no one can deny that he was the most
+interesting figure in the House since Disraeli. He had none of
+Disraeli's chief attraction--namely, mystery. Nor had he Disraeli's
+power of organisation, for, although Lord Randolph "educated a party" of
+three--the first step to his eventually becoming Leader of the House--it
+cannot be said that at any time afterwards he really had, in the strict
+sense of the word, a party at all. He was a political Don Quixote, and
+he had his Sancho Panza in the person of Mr. Louis Jennings. Perhaps
+nothing can show the impulsive nature of Lord Randolph more than the
+incident which was the cause of Mr. Jennings breaking with Lord
+Randolph. Mr. Louis Jennings was, in many ways, his chief's superior: a
+brilliant journalist, originally on the _Times_, afterwards editor of
+the _New York World_, when, by dint of his energy and pluck, he was the
+chief cause of breaking up the notorious Tammany Ring; a charming writer
+of picturesque country scenes--in fact, an accomplished man, and one
+harshly treated by that fickle dame Fortune by being branded, rightly or
+wrongly, as the mere creature of a political adventurer.
+
+One afternoon I was standing in the Inner Lobby when Mr. Jennings asked
+me to go into the House to a seat under the Gallery to hear him deliver
+a speech he had been requested to make by the Government Party, and one
+he thought something of. At that moment Lord Randolph came up and said,
+"I am going in to hear you, Jennings; I have arranged not to speak till
+after dinner." And we all three entered the House.
+
+Lord Randolph, who had then left the Ministry, sat on the bench in the
+second row below the gangway, on the Government side of the House. Mr.
+Jennings was seated on the bench behind, close to where he had found a
+place for me under the Gallery. He carefully arranged the notes for his
+speech, and directly the Member who had been addressing the House sat
+down, Mr. Jennings jumped to his feet to "catch the Speaker's eye." But
+Lord Randolph, who had been very restless all through the speech just
+delivered, sprang to his feet. Jennings leant over to him and said
+something, but Churchill waved him impatiently away, and the Speaker
+called upon Lord Randolph. Jennings sank back with a look of disgust and
+chagrin, which changed to astonishment when Lord Randolph fired out that
+famous Pigott speech, in which he attacked his late colleagues with a
+vituperation and vulgarity he had never before betrayed. His speech
+electrified the House and disgusted his friends--none more so than his
+faithful Jennings, who left the Chamber directly after his "friend's"
+tirade of abuse, returning later in the evening to make a capital
+speech, full of feeling and power, in which he finally threw over Lord
+Randolph. In the meantime, meeting me, he did not hide the fact that the
+incident had determined him to have nothing more to say to Churchill.
+And this was the man I once drew a cartoon of in _Punch_ on all fours,
+with a coat covering his head (suspiciously like a donkey's head), with
+"Little Randy" riding on his back!
+
+[Illustration: LORD RANDOLPH AND LOUIS JENNINGS.]
+
+If Samson's strength vanished with his hair, Lord Randolph's strength
+vanished with the growing of his beard. The real reason why Lord
+Randolph so strangely transformed himself is not generally known, but it
+was for the simplest of all reasons--like that of the gentleman who
+committed suicide because he was "tired of buttoning and unbuttoning,"
+Lord Randolph was tired of shaving or being shaved; hence the heroic
+beard, which has offended certain political purists who think that a man
+with an established reputation has no right to alter his established
+appearance. Still, if he had not vanished to grow his beard, I doubt if
+he would have survived the winter; and probably he discovered that it
+was good for any man to escape now and then from what the late Mr. R. L.
+Stevenson called "the servile life of cities." Perhaps no one received
+such a "sending off," or was more feted, than Lord Randolph Churchill.
+Happening to be a guest at more than one of those festive little
+gatherings, I heard Lord Randolph say that all the literary food that he
+was taking out with him to Mashonaland consisted of the works of two
+authors--one English, and the other French. We were asked who they were.
+"In Darkest England," suggested one. "Ruff's Guide to the Turf," said
+another. Both were wrong. And it ultimately transpired that, together
+with his friends' best wishes for his safe return, Lord Randolph was
+carrying with him complete sets of the works of Shakespeare and Moliere.
+
+The deafness which attacked Lord Randolph led to his making mistakes,
+and to others making a scene, particularly when the noise in the House
+was so great through the excitement on the Home Rule question. I find a
+note made then upon this point, alluding to a little incident _a propos_
+of Lord Randolph Churchill's deafness: "It is really dangerous,
+considering the high state of feeling in the House, that Members
+antagonistic to each other should have to sit side by side. During the
+stormy scene to which I have just alluded, I was sitting in one of the
+front boxes directly over the Speaker's chair, and, although remarks
+kept flying about from the benches below, it was difficult to catch the
+words, and still more difficult to stop the utterer; so I don't wonder
+that Lord Randolph Churchill--who is rather deaf--should have
+misconstrued the words, 'You are not dumb!' as 'You are knocked up!'
+Later on, however, an Irish Member knocked down another one who was
+opposed to him in politics; and this the Press called 'coming into
+collision.'"
+
+[Illustration: LORD RANDOLPH CHURCHILL.]
+
+There is little doubt that ill-health was the cause of that
+querulousness which led to Lord Randolph's curious and fatal move. I
+recollect being introduced to an American doctor in the Lobby one
+afternoon when Lord Randolph was at the zenith of his height and fame.
+Lord Randolph passed close to us, and stood for a few minutes talking to
+the Member who had introduced the doctor to me. I whispered to the
+American to take stock of the Member his friend was talking to. He did,
+and when Lord Randolph walked away he said, "Well, I don't know who that
+man is, but he won't live five years." It was unfortunate for the
+reputation of Lord Randolph that the doctor's words did not come true.
+
+Many efforts were made by the friends of Lord Randolph to bring Lord
+Salisbury and his lieutenant together again. A deputation of a few
+intimate friends, ladies as well as gentlemen, called on Lord Salisbury,
+presumably on quite a different matter, but led up to Lord Randolph.
+Lord Salisbury, seeing through their object, asked the question, "Have
+any of you ever had a carbuncle on the back of your neck?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Then I have, and I do not want another."
+
+But perhaps Lord Salisbury saw more than anyone else that Lord Randolph
+was not the man he once was. It was painful in his latter days to see
+the Members run out of the House when he rose to speak, and to recollect
+that but a few years before they poured in to listen to the "plucky
+little Randy"; and the sympathy of everyone for him was shown in a very
+marked way by the kindness of the Press when one of the most
+extraordinary figures in the Parliamentary world had passed away.
+
+[Illustration: BEHIND THE SPEAKER'S CHAIR.]
+
+Lord Randolph Churchill recalls another familiar figure I
+caricatured--Lord Iddesleigh, a statesman who will always be remembered
+with respect. No statue has ever been erected in the buildings of the
+House of Commons to any Member who better deserves it, and, strange to
+say, the white marble took the character and style of the man,
+chilliness, pure, and firm. A country gentleman in politics and out of
+it, free from flashy party-colour rhetoric.
+
+            *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Sir Stafford Northcote, as he was known in the House of Commons, the
+gentlest of statesmen, had by no means a peaceful career in politics. He
+was at one time Mr. Gladstone's secretary, and those who knew him
+declare that he never lost his respect and admiration for his former
+master, although time took him from Mr. Gladstone's flock to the fold of
+Lord Beaconsfield. I recollect on one occasion, when I was seated in a
+Press box directly over the Speaker's chair, seeing Mr. Gladstone write
+a memorandum on a piece of paper and throw it across the table to Sir
+Stafford, who was at that time Leader of the House of Commons; after
+reading it, Sir Stafford nodded to Mr. Gladstone, and they both rose
+together and went behind the Speaker's chair. One could easily detect in
+the manner of the two old friends an existence of personal regard, and
+their estrangement on political circumstances must have been a matter of
+mutual regret. Sir Stafford and Mr. Gladstone towards the end, however,
+did not show that friendliness that had gone on for so many years. This
+may have been brought about by many causes, not the least of which was
+the fact that Mr. Gladstone refused to lead the House during the
+Bradlaugh scene, and left it to Sir Stafford, then Leader of the
+Opposition. For instance, after the division in which Mr. Bradlaugh was
+refused the House by a vote of 383 to 233, the Speaker appealed to the
+House to know what to do. Mr. Bradlaugh stood at the table and refused
+to leave it. Mr. Gladstone lay back on the seat of the Government bench
+motionless, so Sir Stafford took up the leadership of the House, and
+asked the Prime Minister, whom he facetiously called the Leader of the
+House, "whether he intended to propose any counsel, any course for the
+purpose of maintaining the authority of the House and of the Chair." And
+so it was on many occasions. When Mr. Bradlaugh did rush up to the table
+of the House, escorted by Mr. Labouchere and Mr. Bass, and went through
+the amusing part of taking the oath, he brought the book which he kissed
+and the papers which he signed, and then rushed back into his seat. The
+House witnessed the scene indescribable by either pen or pencil. But
+here again Mr. Gladstone refused to lead the House. There had been a
+division, and Mr. Bradlaugh had once more been refused admission; so Sir
+Stafford Northcote came forward, as he always did on these occasions, in
+the mildest possible way and the most gentlemanly manner, which rather
+added to the effect of his taking the reins left dangling uselessly by
+the Leader of the House. He said: "Mr. Speaker, I need hardly say that
+if the Leader of the House desires to rise, I will give him the
+opportunity; but assuming that he does not, I intend to do so, and as I
+see no indication of his consent to do so, I shall call the attention of
+the House to the position in which we stand," and so on. Sir Stafford
+Northcote was not a man to stand the rough treatment which Members have
+had in the House during the last fifteen years. Had he been a Member
+twenty years before that, or even a little more, he would have been more
+in tone with the "best club in London." He was perplexed by Mr.
+Gladstone, he was bullied by Lord Randolph Churchill, and he was
+generally looked upon as an old woman, and eventually he was simply sent
+up to the other House. It was not until his sad and tragic death
+occurred that everyone realised that they had lost one of the most able
+statesmen and one of the finest gentlemen that ever sat in the House of
+Commons.
+
+[Illustration: H]
+
+Had Mr. Bradlaugh taken the oath with the rest of the Members when first
+introduced to the House, or had he, after refusing to take it, behaved
+with less violence, I doubt if he would have made any name in
+Parliament. The House was determined to fight Bradlaugh, and it is not
+to be wondered at, for he paraded his atheism, and his views on other
+matters, in the most repulsive manner possible. But Bradlaugh did not
+run the risk of fighting down mere prejudice. Had he taken the oath, he
+would only have won the ear of the House by proving himself a great
+politician. This he was not, though he was a hard-working one, and a
+model Member from a constituency's point of view. But the only big
+question he mastered was his own right to take his seat. Once he got it,
+he became a respectable and respected Member of Parliament, and nothing
+more. So, with the wisdom of the serpent, he did not enter the House
+quietly to fight a wearisome and impossible battle against the
+inveterate prejudices of the Members. No, Bradlaugh defied the House of
+Commons; he horrified it, he insulted it, he lectured it, he laughed at
+it, he tricked it, he shamed it, he humiliated it, he conquered it. He
+brought to their knees the men who howled at him--as no other man has
+ever been howled at before--by sheer force of character.
+
+[Illustration: BRADLAUGH TRIUMPHANT. _From "Punch."_]
+
+Bradlaugh's bitter struggle would fill a volume. Select Committees were
+appointed, and they declared against him. Ignoring them, Bradlaugh
+marched up to the table and demanded to be sworn. The Fourth Party would
+not let him touch the Testament. Three days followed of angry debate on
+Bradlaughism, with more scenes. A new Committee reversed the decision of
+its predecessor, and said that Bradlaugh might affirm. Two days were
+consumed in discussing this, and the present Lord Chancellor, then Sir
+Hardinge Giffard, swayed the House against the report of the Committee.
+Nothing daunted, Mr. Bradlaugh the very next day was back at the table
+of the House, clamouring to be allowed to address the House on his case.
+A scene of wild confusion resulted, Mr. Bradlaugh endeavouring to speak,
+the House howling to prevent him. Eventually he was ordered below the
+Bar--that is, nominally outside the House, although within the four
+walls. After much acrimonious chatter from all sides, he was allowed to
+make his speech. His hour had come. He stood like a prisoner pleading
+before a single judge and a jury of 670 of his fellow-men. His speech
+was more worthy of the Surrey Theatre than of the "Best Club." It was
+bombastic and theatrical. He was ordered to withdraw, while the jury
+considered their verdict. When he was recalled, it was to hear sentence
+of expulsion passed on him. But he would not depart, and another
+tremendous uproar took place. Mr. Bradlaugh's well-trained platform
+voice rose above all others in loud assertion of his "rights," and he
+continued to call for them all through the House, the Lobbies, the
+corridors, up the winding stair into the Clock Tower, where he was
+immured by the Sergeant-at-Arms. The following day he was released after
+another angry debate, and he quickly returned to the forbidden
+precincts. Then he was induced to quit, but on the next day he came down
+to the House with his family, and with a triumphant procession entered
+the House amid the cheers of the crowd. So the drama went on day after
+day, like a Chinese play. The characters in it were acted by the leading
+players on both sides of the House, and the excitement never flagged for
+a moment until Mr. Bradlaugh was allowed to affirm. He was told that he
+would vote at his own risk. He voted repeatedly, and by so doing
+incurred a fine, at the hands of Mr. Justice Mathew, of the little round
+sum of L100,000 (he never had 100,000 farthings), nor could he even open
+his mouth in the House without savage interruption. Finally, Mr.
+Labouchere, his colleague, moved for a new writ for the borough of
+Northampton. Bradlaugh re-won the seat by the small majority of 132
+votes, and the Bradlaugh incubus lay once more on Parliament. Then
+followed the same old cycle of events, the same scene at the table, the
+same angry religious warfare in debate (Mr. Bright's great oratorical
+effort will be remembered), the same speech from Mr. Bradlaugh at the
+Bar, the same division, the same result. Scene followed scene, and
+scandal scandal for weeks, months, years.
+
+[Illustration: CHARLES BRADLAUGH.]
+
+To appreciate Mr. John Bright fully, one must have heard him. Really to
+comprehend his power and greatness, one must have heard him at his best.
+Yet the greatness of his oratory lay not so much in what he said as in
+the beautiful way he said it.
+
+Previous to my having the opportunity of listening to the debates, Mr.
+Bright had reached that stage a singer reaches who has to all intents
+retired from the stage, and merely makes an appearance for someone's
+benefit now and then. In the first two or three years which I recall in
+these pages Mr. Bright was making his last appearance in grand political
+opera. He was in the Government, but although he assured the House that
+"he was not going to turn his back upon himself"--an assertion of his
+powers as a contortionist I endeavoured to depict in _Punch_ the
+following week--Mr. Bright had practically turned his back upon making
+great oratorical displays. The Bradlaugh scandal was in 1881 the subject
+of the hour, and it was whilst appearing for Mr. Bradlaugh's benefit, on
+the occasion of one of the numerous matinees arranged by the elected for
+Northampton, that Mr. Bright used the words. But on no occasion in my
+memory did he rise in a full-dress debate to make one of those grand
+efforts with which his name will ever be remembered as the great orator.
+
+Statesmanship was not so much to him as speechifying. He was not a
+diplomatist such as Beaconsfield, a tactician like Mr. Gladstone, a
+fearless, dashing debater like Lord Derby the elder, "The Rupert of
+Debate"; nor had he the weight of Lord Salisbury, nor the aestheticism of
+Mr. Balfour. But as a mere voice in the political opera he had a charm
+above them all. In appearance he was commonplace compared with these
+others I have mentioned. Often the most indifferent-looking horse in the
+stable or in the paddock is the best in action. You would not give L40
+for some standing at ease; but in action, moving to perfection, with
+fire and speed and staying power, the price is more like L20,000. Mr.
+Bright never got into his stride at any time or in any event while he
+came under my observation.
+
+[Illustration: THE MEET AT ST. STEPHEN'S.]
+
+These equine remarks about a great politician bring to mind a protest I
+received about a drawing of mine, which appeared a year or two ago,
+representing Mr. Gladstone as a Grand Old Horse, hearing the horn at the
+meet, cantering towards his companions in so many runs in which he had
+taken the lead, and for which his day had gone. The protest came from a
+Quaker, horrified at my depicting Mr. Gladstone as a gee-gee! as if he
+had not been so depicted often enough before.
+
+Jacob Bright was the very antithesis to his brother, both in appearance
+and manner--tall, of a nervous, wiry frame, rigid face, severe
+expression. He, like others without a spark of humour, was often the
+means of unconscious merriment. For instance, when Lord Randolph
+Churchill was Member for Woodstock, Mr. Jacob Bright referred to him as
+the noble lord "the Member for Woodcock." Sir John Tenniel in the
+cartoon in _Punch_, and myself in the minor pictures of Parliament in
+that journal, made full use of the "woodcock," and, therefore, revelling
+in heraldry, quickly added the woodcock to the Churchill arms.
+
+Half the bores in London clubs are Indian officials returned to us with
+their digestion and their temper destroyed, to spend the rest of their
+days in fighting their poor livers and their unhappy friends. The
+etiquette of Clubland prevents one from protesting. But in the "Best
+Club" they are not spared. They are either howled at, or left to speak
+to empty benches.
+
+Perhaps Sir George Campbell, who had been Governor of Bombay, was the
+most eccentric bore we have ever had in the House of Commons. Sir George
+has acknowledged that he could not resist the temptation to speak. On
+one occasion he made no less than fifty-five speeches on the Standing
+Committee of one Bill. At breakfast in the morning he read in the
+_Times_ his heated, unconsidered interruptions in the House the night
+before, and he read of the contempt with which they were received--the
+"Loud laughter," cries of "Order!" "Divide! divide! divide!" and the
+snubs administered to him by the wearied and disgusted Members. He read
+after lunch at his club the jeering remarks of the evening Press. He was
+well aware he was a nuisance to the House, and he resolved as he walked
+down Whitehall not to open his mouth. But as soon as he crossed Palace
+Yard and entered the corridors of the House he sniffed the odour of
+authority and the fever of debate. He, the Great Sir George of
+India,--silent? Never! Whether there was a question about the
+bathing-machines on the beach at Hastings, or the spread of scarlet
+fever at Battersea, or about an old pump at Littleshrimpton, he cared
+not: he must act his part--that of the Pantaloon in Parliament.
+
+[Illustration: SIR GEORGE CAMPBELL.]
+
+In appearance he was a striking, handsome man, with a strong
+individuality. A good head, piercing eye, well-shaped nose, and tall,
+active frame no doubt added to his authority in India. He struck me as a
+man who had been taken to pieces on his way home to this country, and
+put together again badly, for his joints were all wrong. Certainly his
+head was, and he was over wound up. His tongue never ceased, and the
+worst of it was he had a rasping, penetrating voice, with the strongest
+Scotch accent. One afternoon in the House this accent led to one of
+those frequent outbursts of merriment and protest combined--so common
+when Sir George bored the House, as he was always doing. Sometimes he
+made over thirty speeches in one evening. A question was asked about the
+obstructive methods of the irrepressible Sir George, who on this
+particular afternoon was supported in his boredom by two other bores,
+the Member for Sunderland and Mr. Conybeare. These three had the House
+to themselves, and peppered the Government benches with question after
+question, speech after speech. Sir George alluded to themselves as "a
+band of devoted guerillas." The weary House, not paying particular
+attention to every accent, failed to catch most of what Sir George said,
+as his rasping Scotch accent left them no escape. But the last word was
+misunderstood, and an outburst of laughter, long, loud, and hearty,
+followed, and, in a Parliamentary sense, killed Sir George for the day.
+The House understood him to say "a band of us devoted gorillas."
+
+Perhaps the neatest rebuke Sir George ever had in the House--or, as a
+matter of fact, any Member ever had--was administered by that most
+polished wit, Mr. Plunket (now Lord Rathmore). Sir George solemnly rose
+and asked Mr. Plunket, who happened at the time to be Minister of Public
+Works, whether he (Mr. Plunket) was responsible for the "fearful
+creatures" whose effigies adorn the staircase of Westminster Hall. Mr.
+Plunket rose and quietly replied, in his effective, hesitating manner,
+"I am not responsible for the fearful creatures either in Westminster
+Hall or in this House," a retort which "brought down the House" and
+caused it to laugh loud and long. This I chronicled in a drawing for
+_Punch_ the following week.
+
+The subject of gargoyles recalls another witticism, which, however, has
+the light touch that failed.
+
+Now there is nothing so disappointing to a humorist as to lead up to an
+interruption, and then find he is not interrupted. Mr. Chamberlain
+seldom fails to bring off his little unsuspected repartee, and it is his
+mastery of this art that make his speeches sparkle with diamond
+brilliancy, but then these are usually serious, and he can afford a few
+miss-fires. Mr. Goschen, in the Commons, romped through his "plants" for
+his opponents; his interruptions were three or four deep, but he was
+ready for all of them. He may be likened to a professional chess player,
+playing a dozen opponents at once, and remembering all the moves on the
+separate boards. But for a humorist to miss fire--after an elaborate
+joke is prepared--is a catastrophe.
+
+Colonel Sanderson rose on a very important and ticklish occasion to
+"draw" Mr. Labouchere. The Member for Northampton had been electrifying
+the House by his free handling of a matter affecting the morality of
+private individuals, a course of action for which, later on, he was
+suspended. Colonel Sanderson, alluding to Mr. Labouchere, called him a
+"political gargoyle." Mr. Labouchere did not, as was expected, rise in a
+furious state and demand an explanation. The Colonel paused and
+repeated, "I say the hon. gentleman, the Member for Northampton, is a
+political gargoyle." No notice was taken by the gentleman compared to
+the architectural adornment of past days; it was evident that, like the
+gargoyle in ancient architecture, the remark of the humorous Colonel was
+some elaboration too lofty to be noticed. A few days afterwards Mr.
+Labouchere met the Colonel, and asked him what he meant by calling him a
+political gargoyle. "Well," said the Colonel, "rather late to ask me;
+you will find the definition in the dictionary. It is a grotesque
+gutter-spout." Said Mr. Labouchere, "You're a very clever fellow,
+Colonel; that would have been a capital point--if you had made it."
+
+[Illustration: HERALDIC DESIGN ILLUSTRATING MR. PLUNKET'S (NOW LORD
+RATHMORE) JOKE. _From "Punch."_]
+
+Mr. Farmer Atkinson, who succeeded Sir William Ingram of the
+_Illustrated London News_ and the _Sketch_ as Member for Boston,
+Lincolnshire, was an invaluable "subject" for me during his brief hour
+upon the Parliamentary stage. Our introduction was peculiar. It so
+happened that when Mr. (now Sir) Christopher Furness was first returned
+for Hartlepool, Mr. Atkinson, although of opposite politics, was most
+anxious to welcome him to Parliament as a companion Dissenter. After
+diligent inquiries for Mr. Furness, I was by mistake pointed out to him.
+I suddenly found both my hands clasped and warmly shaken by the mistaken
+M.P. "Delighted to meet you, Mr. Furness! Allow me to congratulate you.
+We are both Dissenters, you know,--what a pity we are on different sides
+of the House!"
+
+"Yes," I replied, "a thousand pities,--you see, you are inside and I am
+outside.
+
+[Illustration: MR. FARMER ATKINSON.]
+
+My introduction to Mr. Christopher Furness a day or two afterwards was
+in a way similar, but rather more embarrassing.
+
+Perhaps there are not two men with surnames so similar and yet so
+different in every other way than that great man of business, Sir
+Christopher Furness, and myself. He has an eye for business, but not one
+for his surname--I have an "I" in my name, and two for art only. When
+Mr. Furness was first returned to Parliament, plain Mr., neither a
+knight nor a millionaire, _then_ he asked to see me alone in one of the
+Lobbies of the House of Commons. He held a note in his hand, _strangely_
+and nervously,--so I knew at once it was not a bank-note.
+
+"I--ah--am very sorry,--you are a stranger to me, I--a--stranger to the
+House. This note from a stranger was handed to me by a strange
+official. I read it before I noticed the mistake. It is addressed to
+you."
+
+"Oh, that is of no consequence, I assure you," I said.
+
+"Oh, but it is--it must be of consequence. It is--of--such a private
+nature, and so brief. I feel extremely awkward in having to acknowledge
+I read it,--a pure accident, I assure you!"
+
+He handed me the note and was running away, when I called him back. It
+read:--
+
+             "Meet me under the clock at 8.
+
+                                            "LUCY."
+
+"I must introduce you to Lucy."
+
+"No, no! not for worlds,"
+
+But I did. Here he is.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+There were more "scenes" in Parliament in the few sessions that I have
+selected to write about in this volume than there were in the rest of
+the last century put together. This was largely due to the climax of
+Irish affairs in the House. For effect in debate the English and Scotch
+Members,--not to speak of the Welsh Representatives,--are failures
+compared with those Members from across the water. No matter how hard
+the phlegmatic Englishman, the querulous Scotchman, or the whinings of
+those from gallant little Wales may try for effect, they have to give
+way to the Irish in the art of making a scene in the House.
+Occasionally, as when Dr. Kenealy shook some pepper over the House, and
+in the case of Mr. Plimsoll--or some other honourable gentleman--who
+went so far as to hang his umbrella on the Mace, an English Member
+causes a sensation which might almost excite a pang of envy in the
+breast of Dr. Tanner or Mr. Healy. No Englishman, however, has exceeded
+Mr. Bradlaugh in the persistent quality of sensationalism in Parliament,
+which now is sadly in want of another political phenomenon to enliven
+its proceedings.
+
+One of the best studies in those days of good subjects for the
+Parliamentary caricaturist was the figure of that "squat and leering
+Quilp," Joseph Gillis Biggar, Member for County Cavan. Mr. Lucy (Toby,
+M.P.), who acted as Biggar's Boswell, records the interesting fact that
+when Mr. Biggar rose for the first time in the House (1874) to put a
+supplementary question to a Minister, Mr. Disraeli, startled by the
+apparition, turned to Lord Barrington as if he had seen seated in the
+Irish quarter an ourang-outang or some other strange creature,--"What's
+that?"
+
+[Illustration: JOSEPH GILLIS BIGGAR.]
+
+From that moment Mr. Biggar was a continual source of amusement--and
+"copy." I venture to say that Toby, M.P., has written a good-sized
+volume about Mr. Biggar's waistcoat alone. What he saw in the waistcoat
+to chronicle I confess I have failed to see. "A fearsome garment," Mr.
+Lucy called it, "which, at a distance, might be taken for sealskin, but
+was understood to be of native manufacture."
+
+Mr. Biggar--waistcoat and all--was certainly seen and heard to advantage
+"at a distance." He was no doubt useful to his Party, acting, as I
+believe he did, as a kind of good-natured nurse to them, looking after
+their comfort and seeing they kept in bounds.
+
+Mr. Biggar was always repulsive in both appearance and manner. His
+unfortunate deformity, his gargoyle-like face, his long, bony hands,
+large feet, the black tail coat and baggy black trousers, the grin and
+the grating voice, and the fact that pork was his study before
+Parliament, made Joseph Gillis Biggar's appearance as ugly as his name.
+His chief claim to a niche in Parliamentary history is the fact that he
+originated Obstruction, and showed the manner in which it should be
+applied by making a speech occupying four hours of valuable time. He
+also showed the length to which gross impertinence can be carried to
+bring the House into contempt. He "spied" His Royal Highness, our
+present King, one day in the gallery, and by the law of Parliament a
+Member by suddenly observing that he "spies" a stranger may have the
+House cleared of all but its Members, including Royalty--worse than that
+he on one occasion alluded to Mr. Gladstone as "a vain old gentleman."
+
+The nearest approach I ever had to enter into practical politics was a
+request I received in March, 1892, to become the successor of Lord (then
+Sir Charles) Russell, as chairman of a local Radical association. In
+reply I confessed my political creed, and I see no reason to alter it.
+
+
+                        MY POLITICAL CONFESSION.
+
+  "I have just received your flattering communication asking me to become
+  the chairman of No. 2 Ward of the East Marylebone Liberal and Radical
+  Association. It is the first time my name has ever been associated with
+  Party politics, and I am puzzled to know myself whether I am a Radical,
+  a Tory, a Liberal, or a Liberal Unionist!
+
+  "I read the _Times_ every morning, and the _Star_ and the _Pall Mall
+  Gazette_ every evening. I read the sporting papers for their politics,
+  and the political papers for their literary and artistic notes.
+
+  "I work sixteen hours a day myself, and would agree to any law
+  prohibiting others in my profession from working more than three hours.
+
+  "I am strongly opposed to Home Rule, as the disappearance of the Irish
+  Members (who are invaluable to me in my profession) from St. Stephen's
+  would be a serious loss to me.
+
+  "I agree to paying Members of Parliament, but would propose that they
+  should be fined for non-attendance, and for the privilege of speaking
+  too long, too often, or not often enough. These fines, in the majority
+  of cases, would come to three times the amount of the Member's income.
+
+  "I am not in favour of capital punishment, and would do away with all
+  judges and trials by jury, leaving the Press to fight out the criminal
+  cases between themselves.
+
+  "I believe in free education, free libraries, and a free breakfast
+  table, and would propose that free book-stalls and free restaurants
+  should be compulsory on all railways.
+
+  "I am strongly opposed to vivisection, and hold that the life of a
+  rabbit is quite as valuable as that of a professor. At the same time I
+  would not countenance any law making it a punishable offence to boil a
+  lobster alive.
+
+  "I am a believer in hypnotism, thought-reading, and theosophy (I have
+  been a bit of an amateur conjurer myself).
+
+  "Right of public meeting? Certainly. This should be a free
+  country--everyone do as he likes. Football in Hyde Park, and fairs in
+  Trafalgar Square. Equal freedom for all processions--if Booth can stop
+  the traffic, why not Sanger's menagerie?
+
+  "As to local option, by all means let all public-houses be closed. (I
+  never enter one.) And all clubs, too, so long as my own are not
+  interfered with.
+
+  "I am not at present a member of any political club, but if you wish me
+  to become one I will put up at the Reform, either as a fervent
+  Gladstonian or a red-hot Unionist; I don't mind which, as neither have
+  the slightest chance of getting in now.
+
+  "If, after considering these qualifications, you are of opinion that I
+  would be the right man in the right place, I shall be most happy and
+  willing to become your chairman.--Yours, etc."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+I regret to have to confess that I once posed as a political prophet. I
+was encouraged to prophesy the fact that six months before the election
+of July, 1892, when Mr. Gladstone was confident of "sweeping the
+country" and coming back with a majority of 170 or so, when both sides
+predicted a decisive result, and political prophets were cocksure of
+large figures, I luckily happened to be more successful in my
+vaticinations than they, giving the Gladstonians a majority of something
+between forty and forty-five. The actual majority turned out, six
+months afterwards, to be forty-two. This encouraged me to write the
+following letter to the _Times_, and it appeared July 19th:
+
+                     "_A Parliamentary Prophecy._
+
+  "Sir,--I am surprised that no Parliamentary chronicler has written to
+  the papers to thank the electors of the United Kingdom for the happy
+  result of the General Election. The jaded journalist is the only person
+  to whom the result is pleasing, as he will have no lack of material for
+  descriptive matter in the coming Parliament.
+
+  "The Gladstonians are not pleased, because they have barely got a
+  working majority. The Conservatives are not pleased, because they have
+  not got one at all. The Liberal Unionists are not pleased, because they
+  go with the Conservatives. The Irish Nationalists are chagrined, because
+  of the success of five Unionists in Ireland. The Parnellites feel
+  mischievous but unhappy. The Labour representatives mischievous and
+  happy--they are the heroes of the hour--and, although the members of the
+  Labour Party have hitherto been nonentities in the House, they will
+  probably be 'named' several times in the future. But Parliament is a
+  refrigerator for red-hot rhetoric, and such Members will, in time, find
+  respectability and aspirants,[2] and grow dull.
+
+       [2] See page 212.
+
+  "A harassed leader, an ambitious Opposition, the balance of power
+  resting in the hands of the Irish, divided amongst themselves, a new and
+  probably noisy party, boredom increased, faddism intensified--such are
+  the ingredients of the new House; and with little spice thrown in in the
+  shape of a revived morality scandal, the new Parliament promises to be a
+  hotch-potch of surprises. I myself take no side in politics, and am
+  glad to say that I have numerous friends in all parties. Perhaps it was
+  in consequence of this that I heard all sides of opinion, thereby
+  enabling me six months ago to weigh all my information correctly and
+  predict the result of the General Election--a Gladstonian majority of
+  between forty and forty-five votes--and to this opinion I have firmly
+  adhered in spite of the fluctuating prospects before the fight. Even on
+  Wednesday, the 6th inst., when the returns pouring in seemed to point to
+  a Government majority, I stuck to my prophecy.
+
+  "I am now receiving from my friends (more especially from my Liberal
+  friends) congratulations upon my perspicacity, and, although I am no
+  Schnadhorst, I must now regard myself in the light of a Parliamentary
+  prophet. Having in that capacity chanted my incantations and calculated
+  the number of square feet of Irish linen in one of Mr. Gladstone's
+  collars to be in inverse ratio to the dimensions of his Mid-Lothian
+  majority, and having by abstruse computations discovered the hitherto
+  unknown quantity of Sir William Harcourt's chins, I can safely predict
+  that there will be another General Election within the space of
+  thirteen months, and that the result of the same will be the return of
+  the Unionists with a majority of fifteen.
+
+                                             "Yours truly,
+
+                                                         "HARRY FURNISS.
+
+     "Garrick Club, London, July 19."
+
+[Illustration: THE HOUSE OF COMMONS FROM TOBY'S PRIVATE BOX.]
+
+The regret I felt was not caused by any failure of my prediction
+contained in the last paragraph in that letter, but that the whole of it
+was taken seriously. Editorial leaders appeared in the principal papers
+all over the kingdom. Letters followed, discussions took place, and
+politicians referred to it in their speeches. "Mr. Harry Furniss has
+taken the public into his confidence, as one who is thoroughly
+acquainted with Party politics, though he takes no personal interest in
+them. Men who can thus truthfully describe themselves are excessively
+rare, as far as we know. It is usually the person who does not
+understand politics who takes no interest in them. A man who understands
+politics, but does not concern himself to take sides, is in the position
+of the looker-on who sees most of the game," was truthfully written of
+me _a propos_ of this letter--but why _a propos_ of this letter? Why not
+of my serious work instead? No, my "airy persiflage" was only a cloak. I
+was seriously and instantaneously accepted as a serious political
+prophet, and otherwise criticised:
+
+                   "_To the Editor of the 'Times.'_
+
+  "Sir, In a letter signed by Mr. Harry Furniss, which appeared in the
+  _Times_ of the 21st inst., the writer concluded by predicting that there
+  would be another general election within thirteen months, and that the
+  result would be a Unionist majority of fifteen.
+
+  "Mr. Furniss is evidently fond of odd numbers, but may I point out to
+  him, and to many other political prophets who have fallen into the same
+  trap, that the fulfilment of his prediction is an impossibility?
+
+  "In a House of 670 Members, or any other even number, if divided into
+  two parties, the majority (in the sense he uses the word--viz., the
+  difference) must always be an even number. It is true that the division
+  lists sometimes show a majority which is an odd number, but in such a
+  case an odd number of Members must have been absent from the division.
+  Mr. Furniss must prophesy either fourteen or sixteen.
+
+  "The English language is so defective that the word 'majority' is used
+  to mean 'the greater number,' and also 'the difference between the
+  greater number and the less.' Cannot a new word be invented to replace
+  'majority' in one or other of these meanings, and so avoid the use of
+  the same word for two distinct ideas?
+
+                                      "Your obedient servant,
+
+                                               "GEORGE R. GALLAHER,
+
+                                   "Fellow of the Institute of Bankers.
+
+    "44, Fenchurch Street, London, E.C."
+
+I suppose F.I.B. stands for "Fellow of the Institute of Bankers."
+Anyway, before I had time to reply to the courteous captious critic the
+_Times_ published the following:
+
+                     "_Political Prophecy._
+
+  "Sir,--In endeavouring to correct Mr. Furniss your correspondent Mr.
+  Gallaher has forgotten that, although the House of Commons consists of
+  an even number of Members, one of those Members will be elected Speaker;
+  and that consequently, if all the Members were on any occasion to
+  attend, the majority would be an odd, and not an even number. There is
+  therefore no necessity for Mr. Furniss to alter his prophecy at present.
+
+                                         "Your obedient servant,
+
+                                                         "FAIR PLAY."
+
+Other correspondents, less technical but strongly political, accused me
+of being "an inspired Conservative spy." Others that I was an oracle
+worth "rigging." And the Irish and Radical Press questioning my
+impartiality, I published this letter:
+
+         "_To the Editor of the 'Manchester City News.'_
+
+  "Sir,--My attention has been called to a paragraph in your issue of July
+  23rd, stating that I am a Conservative, an assertion which has highly
+  amused those who know me well, for I am one of the strongest of Radicals
+  in some things and the hottest of Tories in others. I earnestly advocate
+  the claims of the working man, and sometimes I feel myself a Whig of the
+  old school. Whether I am a Tory, a Liberal or a Radical, troubles me
+  very little, but as you seem to take a kind interest in my political
+  opinions I should have preferred you to have styled me an Independent,
+  which I understand means nothing.
+
+                                                       "HARRY FURNISS.
+
+    "Garrick Club, London."
+
+But neither "Independent" nor humorous would the partisan
+Press allow me to be. Certainly I was applauded by some for
+having held steadfastly to my prophecy, despite temptations
+which would have made Cassandra succumb. I was flattered
+by being held up as an exception among the prophets. From
+Mr. Gladstone to Mr. T. P. O'Connor politicians had prophesied
+and were hopelessly wide of the mark. Mr. Chamberlain,
+speaking at Birmingham that week, said, "The gravity of the
+weighty man of the House of Commons, gentlemen, is a thing
+to which there is no parallel in the world," and oh! so serious!
+
+[Illustration: THE GOVERNMENT--BENCH BEFORE HOME RULE.
+               A rough Sketch made in the House.
+
+Mr. W. E. Foster.     Mr. Gladstone.      Mr. John Bright.
+          Lord E. Fitzmaurice.   Lord Hartington.]
+
+"Prophets--at any rate political prophets--are chiefly distinguished
+from other people by being always dull and nearly always wrong. To-day,
+however, appears a brilliant exception to the almost universal rule,"
+wrote one paper, and yet continued, "Mr. Furniss is simply within his
+own ground as one of the shrewdest and best trained of living observers,
+when he describes the newly-elected House of Commons as thoroughly
+discontented with itself. But we wish that Mr. Furniss had carried his
+prediction into the regions of counsel, and had been able to read in
+'Mr. Gladstone's collars,' or in the 'unknown quantity of Sir William
+Harcourt's chins,' and whatever else serves him for his Stars, what is
+to be the outcome of a situation in which no party is able to obtain a
+working majority. If Mr. Furniss is right, the question of 'how is the
+Queen's Government to be carried on?' will assume a practical importance
+which it never had before; and unless he himself, as a thoroughly
+non-party man, can be induced to undertake the formation of an
+administration of similarly fortunate persons, one does not see what is
+to be done. Party government is based upon big majorities--it is within
+measurable distance of breaking down altogether unless the country will
+make up its mind to stand no more nonsense, and to prefer what is really
+a party to a conglomerate of fads and factions."
+
+I was beginning to feel like a man who had started a story and forgotten
+the point of it. The only "comic relief" was the following note from the
+Editor of _Punch_:
+
+                                                  _21st July, 1892.
+
+                   "_Vates et Vox Stellarum._
+
+  "Dear H. F.,--'Respectability and aspirants.' Didn't you squirm at the
+  misprint? Is that setter-up-of-type still alive? Je m'en doute. The
+  reference to Harcourt's _chins_ will _get you liked_ very much. You
+  dated it from the Garrick, but you didn't put the time of night when
+  you wrote it. 'P.S.'--_Post Supperal_, eh?
+
+  "Farewell, O Prophet!--but 'why _didn't you say so before_?'
+
+  "Allah il Allah Ari Furniss is His Prophet!
+
+                                                     "Yours ever,
+
+                                                               "F. C. B.
+
+  "_Advt._--'LIKA JOKO'! Parliamentary Prophet!! Prophecies sent out on
+  shortest notice. Terms, ----. Reduction on taking a quantity."
+
+Yes! I did squirm at the misprint, which, however, was rectified in the
+next issue:
+
+  "_A Parliamentary Prophecy._--In Mr. Harry Furniss's letter under this
+  title in the _Times_ of yesterday the word 'aspirates' should be read
+  instead of 'aspirants' in the following passage: 'The Labour
+  representatives feel mischievous and happy--they are the heroes of the
+  hour--and, although the members of the Labour Party have hitherto been
+  nonentities in the House, they will probably be 'named' several times in
+  the future. But Parliament is a refrigerator for red-hot rhetoric, and
+  such members will, in time, find respectability and aspirants, and grow
+  dull."
+
+I wish I had followed the example of Mr. John Morley, who announced a
+couple of months before the election that he had written down his
+General Election tip and placed it in a sealed envelope; but so far as I
+have heard, he never risked his reputation for prophecy--he refrained
+from publishing the secret. That grave and weighty right hon. gentleman
+scored as the humorist, and I failed as a prophet in my second attempt.
+
+[Illustration: REDUCTION OF ONE OF MY PARLIAMENTARY PAGES IN _PUNCH_.]
+
+
+
+
+                               CHAPTER VII.
+
+"PUNCH"
+
+  Two _Punch_ Editors--_Punch's_ Hump--My First _Punch_ Dinner--Charles
+   Keene--"Robert"--W. H. Bradbury--du Maurier--"Kiki"--A Trip to the
+   Place of his Birth--He Hates Me--A Practical Joke--du Maurier's Strange
+   Model--No Sportsman--Tea--Appollinaris--My First Contribution--My
+   Record--Parliament--Press Gallery Official--I Feel Small--The "Black
+   Beetle"--Professor Rogers--Sergeant-at-Arms' Room--Styles of
+   Work--Privileges--Dr. Percy--I Sit in the Table--The Villain of Art--The
+   New Cabinet--Criticism--_Punch's_ Historical Cartoons--Darwen
+   MacNeill--Scenes in the Lobby--A Technical Assault--John Burns's
+   "Invention"--John Burns's Promise--John Burns's Insult--The Lay of Swift
+   MacNeill--The Truth--Sir Frank Lockwood--"Grand Cross"--Lockwood's
+   Little Sketch--Lockwood's Little Joke in the House--Lockwood's Little
+   Joke at Dinner--Lewis Carroll and _Punch_--Gladstone's Head--Sir
+   William's Portrait--Ciphers--Reversion--_Punch_ at Play--Three _Punch_
+   Men in a Boat--Squaring up--Two Pins Club--Its One Joke--Its One
+   Horse--Its Mystery--Artistic Duties--Lord Russell--Furious
+   Riding--Before the Beak--Burnand and I in the Saddle--Caricaturing
+   Pictures for _Punch_--Art under Glass--Arthur Cecil--My Other Eye--The
+   Ridicule that Kills--Red Tape--_Punch_ in Prison--I make a Mess of
+   it--Waterproof--"I used your Soap two years ago"--Charles Keene--Charles
+   Barber--_Punch's_ Advice--_Punch's_ Wives.
+
+[Illustration: T]
+
+
+The first representative of Mr. Punch with whom I came into contact was
+the late Tom Taylor, at that period the tenant of the editorial chair.
+To this meeting I have referred on a previous page, when I mentioned
+that Mr. Taylor had just returned from the wilds of Connemara and
+strongly advised me to make some explorations in that little-known
+district for the purpose of making sketches of the "genus _homo_
+indigenous to the soil," which I did a week or so prior to my setting
+foot in the busy haunt of men on murky Thames.
+
+Tom Taylor was, I believe, one of the best of men, and the possessor of
+one of the kindest hearts; but although he certainly professed to take
+an interest in me (probably owing to the fact that it was to a relative
+of mine that he was indebted for his first introduction to literature),
+the fact remains that whenever I sent him a sketch I used to receive one
+of his extraordinary hieroglyphical missives supposed to be a note
+courteously declining my efforts, notwithstanding that I was often
+flattered although not enriched by subsequently seeing the subjects of
+them appear redrawn under another name in the pages of _Punch_.
+
+It was not until Tom Taylor had passed away that Mr. Punch would deign
+to give me a chance. I had then been seven years in London hard at work
+for the leading magazines and illustrated papers, and I may truly say
+that my work was the only introduction I ever had to Mr. Burnand.
+
+[Illustration: Age 26, WHEN I FIRST WORKED FOR PUNCH. [_From a Photo by
+C. Watkins._]]
+
+When I first entered the goal of my boyish ambition--that is to say, the
+editorial sanctum of Mr. Punch--I had never met the gentleman who for a
+number of years afterwards was destined to be my chief, and I fully
+expected to see the editor turn round and receive me with that look of
+irrepressible humour and in that habitually jocose style which I had so
+often heard described. I looked in vain for the geniality in the
+editor's glance, and there was a remarkably complete absence of the
+jocose in the sharp, irritable words which he addressed to me.
+
+"Really," said he, "this is too bad! I wrote to you to meet me at the
+Surrey Theatre last night, and you never turned up. We go to press
+to-day, and the sketches are not even made."
+
+"I don't quite understand you," I replied, "for I never heard from you
+in my life, and I don't think that you ever saw me before."
+
+"But surely you are Mr. ----?" (a contributor who had been drawing for
+_Punch_ for some weeks). "Are you not?"
+
+"No," I said. "My name is Furniss, and I understood that you wanted to
+see me."
+
+[Illustration: MY FIRST MEETING WITH THE EDITOR OF _PUNCH_.]
+
+This was in 1880, and from that period up to the time of my resignation
+from the staff of _Punch_ I certainly do not think that I have ever seen
+Burnand's face assume such a threatening and offended expression as it
+wore that day.
+
+I was then twenty-six. Strange to say, Charles Keene and George du
+Maurier were exactly the same age when they first made their _debut_ in
+_Punch_, but not yet invited to "join the table."
+
+As I was leaving my house one summer evening a few years afterwards, the
+youngest member of my family, who was being personally conducted up to
+bed by his nurse, enquired where I was going.
+
+"To dine with Mr. Punch," I replied.
+
+"Oh, haven't you eaten all his hump _yet_, papa? It _does_ last a long
+time!" And the little chap continued his journey to the arms of
+Morpheus, evidently quite concerned about his father's long-drawn-out
+act of cannibalism.
+
+The first feast to which I was bidden was not one of the ordinary or
+office description, but a banquet given at the "Albion" Tavern, in the
+City, on the 3rd of January, 1881, to celebrate the installation of Mr.
+Burnand as the occupant of the editorial chair. And on my invitation
+card I first sketched my new friends, the _Punch_ staff, and a few of
+the outside contributors who were present, conspicuous among whom was
+George Augustus Sala, the honoured stranger of the evening. That he
+should be so struck me as peculiar, for it was an open secret that Sala
+wrote and illustrated that famous attack (nominally by Alfred Bunn), "A
+Word with _Punch_," a most vulgar, vicious, and personal insult which
+had given much offence years before; a clear proof of Mr. Punch's
+forgiving nature. That grand old man of _Punch_, Tenniel, I made an
+attempt to sketch as he was "saying a few words," but on this particular
+occasion it was my _vis-a-vis_ Charles Keene who interested me more than
+any other person present. He wore black kid gloves and never removed
+them all during dinner--that puzzled me. Why he wore them I cannot say.
+I never saw him wearing gloves at table again, or even out of doors.
+Then he was in trouble with his cigar, and finally I noticed that he
+threw it under the table and stamped upon it, and produced his favourite
+dirty Charles the First pipe, the diminutive bowl of which he filled
+continually with what smokers call "dottles." He was then apparently
+perfectly happy, as indeed he always looked when puffing away at his
+antique clay. Years afterwards, when sketching a background for a
+_Punch_ drawing in the East End, I noticed some labourers returning
+from working at excavations, laughing over something they had found in
+the ground; it was a splendid specimen of the Charles clay pipe, longer
+than any I have seen. I bought it from them to present to Keene, but he
+was ill then, and soon after the greatest master of black and white
+England ever produced had passed away.
+
+[Illustration: MY FIRST INVITATION FROM _PUNCH_.]
+
+[Illustration: A LETTER FROM CHARLES KEENE, OBJECTING TO AN
+EDITOR INTERVIEWING HIM.]
+
+[Illustration: "Robert."]
+
+After Keene the strangest character present was Mr. Deputy
+Bedford--"Robert" in the pages of _Punch_--an undertaker in the City,
+and one of the most humorous men within its boundary. I recollect
+introducing my wife to him at some function at the Mansion House--not as
+Robert, but as Mr. Deputy Bedford. She expressed her pleasure at meeting
+one of the City dignitaries, and he offered to show her over the
+treasures in the Mansion House. "There's a fine statue for you! Don't
+know who did it, but we paid a thousand pounds for it. And that one over
+there, which weighs half a ton less, cost twice as much. Oh! the
+pictures are worth something, too. That portrait cost L800; I don't know
+what that one cost, but the frame is cheap at L20. Yes, fine gold plate,
+isn't it? Old designs? Yes, but old or new, boiled down, I should think
+L80,000 wouldn't be taken for the pile!" And so on, and so on, with a
+merry twinkle in his eye and an excellent imitation of what outsiders
+consider City men to be.
+
+[Illustration: GEORGE DU MAURIER.
+   _From a pen and ink drawing by himself, the property of the Author._]
+
+My caricature of the genial E. L. S. (Sambourne) is not good, but quite
+as kind as Sala's remarks were on that occasion in chaffing Sambourne
+for turning up in morning costume. In the bottom right-hand corner of
+the card is a note of the late Mr. W. H. Bradbury, one of the
+proprietors of _Punch_, the kindest and the best host, the
+biggest-hearted and most genial friend, I ever worked for. He has his
+eye, I notice, on a gentleman making an impromptu speech--the sensation
+of the evening--referred to by Mr. M. H. Spielmann in "The History of
+_Punch_." Next to that irrepressible orator is Mr. Lucy, "Toby, M.P.,"
+as I saw him first.
+
+I note on this card an attempt to sketch du Maurier, the "Thackeray of
+the pencil." By the way, I was certainly the first to apply that term to
+him--in my first lecture, "Art and Artists." He was some distance from
+me at the banquet when I made these notes.
+
+It is a curious fact that I really never had a seat allotted to me at
+the _Punch_ table. I always sat in du Maurier's, except on the rare
+occasions when he came to the dinner, when I moved up one. It was always
+a treat to have du Maurier at "the table." He was by far and away the
+cleverest conversationalist of his time I ever met,--his delightful
+repartees were so neat and effective, and his daring chaff and his
+criticisms so bright and refreshing.
+
+For some extraordinary reason du Maurier was known to the _Punch_ men as
+"Kiki," a friendly sobriquet which greeted him when he first joined, and
+refers to his nationality. In the same way as an English schoolboy calls
+out "Froggy" to a Frenchman, his friends on the _Punch_ staff called him
+Kiki, suggested by the Frenchman's peculiar and un-English art of
+self-defence.
+
+Du Maurier took very little interest in the discussions at the table; in
+fact, he resented informal debate on the subject of the cartoon as an
+interruption to his conversation, although he once suggested a cartoon
+which will always rank as one of the most historical hits of Mr.
+Punch--a cartoon of the First Napoleon warning Napoleon the Third as he
+marches out to meet the Germans in the War of 1870.
+
+At times he might enter into the artistic treatment of the cartoon; and
+I reproduce a sketch he did on the back of a _menu_ to explain some idea
+in connection with the cartoon which appeared the following week in
+_Punch_.
+
+Du Maurier's extremely clever conversation struck me the moment I
+joined the staff of _Punch_. As I went part of his way to Hampstead, we
+sometimes shared a cab, and in one of these journeys I mentioned my
+conviction that he, in my mind, was a great deal more than a humorous
+artist, and if he would only take up the pen seriously the world would
+be all the more indebted to him. He told me that Mr. James had for some
+time said nice things of a similar character.
+
+[Illustration: SUGGESTION BY DU MAURIER FOR _PUNCH_ CARTOON.]
+
+About ten days afterwards I received a letter saying that my
+conversation had had an effect upon him, and that he was starting his
+first novel. So perhaps the world is really indebted to me, indirectly,
+for the pleasure of reading "Peter Ibbetson" and "Trilby;" the fact
+being that he had, with Burnand and myself, just visited Paris--the
+first time he had set foot in the gay city since his youth. Many things
+he saw had impressed him, and "Peter Ibbetson" was the result. How
+interesting it was to watch him in Paris, the place of his birth,
+standing, the ideal type of a Frenchman himself, smiling and as amused
+as a boy at his own countrymen and women. "So very un-English, you
+know!" Then, as we drove about Paris, he stood up in the carriage,
+excitedly showing us places familiar to him in his young days, and
+greatly amused us by pointing out no fewer than three different houses
+in which he was born! We three were the guests of Mr. Staat Forbes at
+Fontainebleau during the same trip, and du Maurier's sketches of our
+pleasant experiences on that occasion appear in _Punch_, under the
+heading "Souvenir de Fontainebleau," in three numbers in October, 1886.
+In the drawing of our _al fresco_ dinner, "Smith" is our host, I am
+"Brown," du Maurier "Jones," and Mr. Burnand "Robinson."
+
+Three years afterwards du Maurier re-visited Paris with most of the
+staff to see the Paris Exhibition, 1889. In my sketch "En Route--Mr.
+Punch at Lunch," du Maurier is speaking to Mr. Anstey Guthrie, who, "for
+this occasion only," called du Maurier the Marquis d'Ampstead.
+
+Du Maurier had a little of the green-eyed monster in his bosom, although
+he lived to laugh at all when he himself became the greatest success of
+any man in his sphere.
+
+When I made my hit with my Exhibition of the "Artistic Joke," du
+Maurier, to my surprise, turned sharply round to me one night in the cab
+and said, "My dear Furniss, I must be honest with you--I hate you, I
+loathe you, I detest you!"
+
+[Illustration: DU MAURIER'S SOUVENIR DE FONTAINEBLEAU.
+
+_From "Punch."_]
+
+"Thanks, awfully, my dear fellow! But why?"
+
+"Ah!" he said, "your success is too great. When I get the return you
+send me in the morning, showing me the number of people that have been
+to your Exhibition, the tremendous takings at the turnstiles, the number
+of albums subscribed for, the number of pictures you have sold, I cannot
+work. I go on to Hampstead Heath to walk off my jealousy; when I come in
+to lunch I find your first telegram, telling me you have made L80 that
+morning. I walk out again, and looking down upon London, although I
+shake my fist at the whole place, my wrath is for you alone. I come in
+to tea to find another telegram--you have made L100! How can I sit down
+and scratch away on a piece of paper when you are making a fortune in a
+week?"
+
+This nearly took my breath away.
+
+"My dear du Maurier," I replied, "I feel hurt--seriously, irrevocably.
+I shall always feel degraded in your eyes. Of course you are the victim
+of a practical joke."
+
+Du Maurier pulled from his pocket one of my supposed returns. It was an
+imitation of printing, with the amounts filled in. "This is the kind of
+thing I get every morning."
+
+"Why, of course, it is written, not printed. That is the work of the
+irrepressible practical joker. But it makes no difference, du Maurier;
+if you thought that I would be such a cad as to send you these returns,
+I cannot see how we can ever be great friends."
+
+Although as du Maurier believed for a time I had the necessary vulgarity
+of the "bloated millionaire," to use his own words, we were never much
+more than acquaintances--although very pleasant acquaintances--and I
+believe du Maurier reciprocated the kind feeling I had towards him. Du
+Maurier rarely forgave a satirical thrust at his expense. His dislike
+for Mr. Whistler on this account is well known to all the early readers
+of "Trilby," and he often related with unconcealed glee a remark he once
+made to Whistler. It appears they had not met for a long period, during
+which du Maurier with his satirical pictures on the aesthetic craze,
+published in _Punch_, and Whistler with his "symphonies" and "harmonies"
+on canvas, exhibited in the Law Courts, had both increased their
+reputation.
+
+"Hullo, Kiki!" cried Whistler. "I'm told that your work in _Punch_ is
+the making of some men. You have actually invented Tomkins! Why, he
+never would have existed but for you! Ha! ha! how on earth did you do
+it?"
+
+"Look here, Jimmy, if you don't look out, by Jove, I'll invent you!"
+
+How Kiki--du Maurier--carried out his threat in "Trilby," and what
+resulted from it, all the world knows.
+
+By the way, the mention of "Trilby" reminds me of a story about Mr. du
+Maurier's own Trilby which is perhaps worth recording. Du Maurier for
+some years lived on the top of Hampstead Heath, rather inaccessible for
+models. But more than once friends asked him to take a sitting from some
+lady or another, as he, drawing fashionable ladies, was different,
+perhaps, from painters using models for costumes or, as du Maurier
+would say, for the "altogether." In this way a model was introduced to
+him, and, to his surprise, she drove up to his house in a hansom, and he
+heard her asking one of the servants for change of a sovereign to pay
+the cabman. She did not sit very well, so after a short time Mr. du
+Maurier told her that he only drew from models for part of the day, and,
+rather apologetically, said he of course did not pay for the whole of
+the usual day's sitting. And she said:
+
+"Oh, thanks! I am only too pleased to sit for a short time. But would
+you kindly ask one of your servants to fetch me a hansom?"
+
+[Illustration: _PUNCH_ STAFF RETURNING FROM PARIS.
+         (_The original hangs on the wall of Mr. Punch's dining room._)]
+
+This made the artist more than ever miserable, and he said:
+
+"Excuse me, but perhaps you are not aware we only pay a modest amount
+for sitters; in fact, I generally pay five shillings for two
+hours--aw----"
+
+"You don't mean to say you are really going to give me five shillings?
+Oh, how kind of you! It will just pay half my cab fare home. I didn't
+know I was going to be so lucky." And she vanished, leaving the artist
+more bewildered than ever.
+
+Some time afterwards, in Hyde Park, he was surprised to see a carriage
+beautifully appointed pulled up to where he was standing, and a lady
+lean out and say:
+
+"I have never seen you before to thank you for your kindness in allowing
+me to sit for you. I was so anxious to see what a studio was like.
+Thanks, awfully; you must let me call again."
+
+Du Maurier had the faculty of unaffected fun, he had also a feeling for
+caricature in portraiture, but he did not care to exercise either to any
+extent in _Punch_. I recollect Sir Henry Thompson--the celebrated
+physician--showing me a copy of a book he had written, in which he
+speaks of hospital life in London. Du Maurier had studied in a London
+hospital when he first arrived in England, and he wrote to Sir Henry,
+then a stranger to him, to ask him if the wretch in his book who wheeled
+off the remains of the corpses from the dissecting-room was the same man
+he knew and loathed years ago. The sketch accompanying this query Sir
+Henry had pasted in the book in triumph. "There is the man," he said,
+"to the life!"
+
+At dinner du Maurier ate sparingly, drank moderately, and smoked
+cigarettes. He avoided champagne, preferring the wine of his
+country--claret; and after dinner, in place of coffee, he had a huge
+breakfast-cup of tea, and, like the soap advertisement boy, he was not
+happy till he got it.
+
+[Illustration: JAPANESE STYLE: A BALLET FROM _PUNCH_.]
+
+Mentioning an advertisement suggests that it may interest some to know
+du Maurier drew the label for a most popular mineral water. It is safe
+to predict that not one person in the tens of thousands looking at it
+yearly would connect du Maurier with it. It is that elaborate and rather
+inartistic design on Appollinaris water, for which he received fifty
+guineas from his friend--one of the proprietors. Anyone following his
+work in _Punch_ must have noticed that he was a hypochondriac.
+Hypochondriasis was a disease with him, he was always thinking of his
+health, and I fear that sudden burst of popularity following the success
+of "Trilby," in place of bracing him up, made him dwell somewhat more
+upon his state of health, and hastened the end.
+
+I recollect his telling me years ago he was advised to take horse
+exercise for his health's sake, so he hired a hack and started in the
+direction of Richmond Park. Arriving at the well-known windmill, and
+before descending the beautiful slopes on the other side, he took out
+his watch and, opening the case, put out his tongue to see what effect
+the ride had had on his health. The horse moved, and he found himself
+the next moment on the ground.
+
+He gave up horse exercise after that!
+
+My first contribution to _Punch_ appeared in the number dated October
+30th, 1880. "Punch," as a policeman, commanded the removal of the
+newly-erected "Griffin" in the place of Old Temple Bar: "Take away that
+Bauble!" The much-abused "Griffin" is the work (but after the design of
+Horace Jones) of an old friend of mine, the late C. B. Birch, R.A., a
+clever sculptor and a capital fellow. He sent me "his mark" of
+appreciation, but I may say he was the last man to use the instrument of
+torture suggested by his name.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+I then "did the theatres" with the editor--no mistake this time--and a
+very pleasant time it was. My first "social" drawing appeared in the
+second number in the following December, illustrating Scotch "wut"
+manufactured in London.
+
+Two Scotch rustics outside an eating-house. One points to a card in the
+window on which is "Welsh Rabbit, 6d."
+
+Hungry visitor (ignorant of the nature of this particular delicacy):
+"Ah, Donal, mon, we ken weel hev the Rawbit fur saxpence. We ken get twa
+Bawbees fur the Skeen when we get bock to Glasgow!"
+
+The Scotch is certainly new, if the joke is not.
+
+[Illustration: CHINESE STYLE. FROM A DRAWING ON WOOD. _PUNCH._]
+
+An Irish joke followed, and then in the Almanack I illustrated a hit at
+the style of ladies' dress of the period; in fact, at that time I drew
+for _Punch_ quite a number of social subjects dealing with the aesthetic
+craze. Besides illustrating various social subjects and caricaturing the
+Academy and the new plays, I was illustrating the "Essence of
+Parliament." As Mr. M. H. Spielmann in "The History of _Punch_" says
+truly, "I romped through _Punch's_ pages." I open a number of _Punch_
+published only eighteen months after my first contribution appeared, and
+two years previous to my joining the staff, and find no fewer than
+eleven separate subjects from my pencil; and I may say that up to the
+last I probably contributed more work to _Punch_ than any other artist
+ever contributed in the same number of years, Leech not excepted. I do
+not claim that this was wholly due to artistic merit, but to a business
+one. I never refused to draw a subject I was asked to do, I never was at
+a loss for a subject, and I was never late. It was to this facility I
+owe the good terms on which the editor and I worked so pleasantly and
+for so long. Being accustomed to work at high pressure for the
+illustrated papers and magazines since boyhood, I confess that _Punch_
+work to me was my playtime.
+
+I contributed over two thousand six hundred designs, from the smallest
+to the largest that ever appeared in its pages (the latter were
+published in the Christmas Numbers, 1890 and 1891), and I was not in
+receipt of a salary, but was paid for each drawing at my full rate. I
+have reason to think I drew in the time more money from _Punch_,
+proportionately, than any other contributor in its history in a like
+period. I read from time to time accounts of the remuneration men like
+myself receive. Of course these statements are invariably fiction, as in
+fact is nearly everything I have read outside Mr. Spielmann's careful
+analysis of _Punch_ concerning myself and my friends.
+
+I deal with my Parliamentary confessions, personal and artistic, in
+other chapters; I shall in this merely touch upon a few points in
+connection with _Punch_. The greater portion of my Parliamentary work,
+however, appeared in other periodicals, but it is probably by _Punch_
+work in this direction most of my readers identify me. I was fortunate,
+in the twelve years I represented _Punch_ in Parliament with the pencil,
+in having the exceptional material for work upon Mr. Gladstone at his
+most interesting period, Parnell's rise and fall, Churchill's rise and
+fall, Bradlaugh's rise and fall, and a host of others strutting their
+brief hour on the political stage. Where are they now? Mr. Chamberlain
+alone interests the caricaturist. Parliament itself is dull, the public
+is apathetic, and everything appertaining to politics is flat and
+unprofitable. Yet as far back as 1885, in the figure "Punch," I asked
+for some new character, the familiar faces were getting worked out!
+
+I had attended some sessions of Parliament before I made the
+acquaintance of the official presiding over the Press Gallery. The Press
+Gallery is, as all know, directly over the Speaker. The front row is
+divided into little boxes where the representatives of the leading
+papers sit. The others are seated above them against the wall. These
+members of the Press look like a row of aged schoolboys very much
+troubled to write anything about Parliament to-day. Their monitor sits
+by the seat near the door, which in former days was in the middle of the
+Gallery.
+
+[Illustration: FAMILIAR FACES.
+
+_Mr. Punch (Cartoonist-in-Chief)._ "OH, I KNOW ALL YOU OLD MODELS. I
+WANT SOME NEW 'CHARACTER'!"]
+
+I shall never forget my first experience of this Press Gallery official.
+He was big, and fat, and greasy; in evening dress, and he wore a real
+gold chain with a badge in front like a mayor or sheriff. He awed
+me--recollect I am now speaking of the day I attended as a comparatively
+new boy, and I trembled in his presence. There was no seat vacant except
+the one next to him. He sleeps! Nervously I slip into the seat. He
+wakes, and looks down at me.
+
+"H'm! What are you?" is his sleepy remark.
+
+"_Punch_," I reply.
+
+"Ticket?"
+
+"Left at home."
+
+"Bring it next time."
+
+"Certainly," say I, relieved. He slumbers again. I strain over to see
+who is speaking. This wakes the gentleman with the real gold chain
+again. He gazes down upon me. I feel smaller.
+
+"What are you?"
+
+"_Punch._"
+
+"Eh! Where's ticket?"
+
+"Left at home."
+
+"Bring it next time. Saves bother, young fellow."
+
+[Illustration: "HE SLEEPS."]
+
+"Certainly," I reply, and, encouraged by his familiarity, I venture to
+ask, "Who is that speaking?" I just got the question out in time, for he
+was dozing off again.
+
+"New Member," he replied, and, half dozing, he goes on, more to himself
+than to me: "One more fool! Find his level here! All fools here! Stuff
+you've been givin' them at your College Union. Rubbish! Yer
+perambulator's waitin' outside. Oh, follow yer Dad to the Upper House,
+an' look sharp about it." He mumbles. I well recollect the youthful
+Member, so criticised, labouring through his maiden speech. The eldest
+son of a Peer, with a rather effeminate face, Saxon fairness of
+complexion, and with an apology for a moustache, it struck me that if
+petrified he would do very well as a dummy outside a tailor's
+establishment. Yet this youthful scion of a noble line has a good
+record. He carried off innumerable prizes at Eton, was a double first at
+Oxford, President of the Union, and a fellow of his college; one of the
+University Eight, and of the Eleven; distinguished at tennis, racquets,
+and football; hero of three balloon ascents; great at amateur
+theatricals; a writer upon every possible subject, including theology,
+for the leading magazines; member of sixteen London clubs; married a
+titled heiress, and is only thirty years of age.
+
+[Illustration: "HERE, I SAY, WHAT ARE YOU?"]
+
+[Illustration: "_PUNCH_," I REPLIED.]
+
+Some of his college friends sit in the Strangers' Gallery to hear their
+late President make his first great effort in the real Parliament. The
+effect disappoints them. Their champion is "funky." When the Oxford
+Eight were behind at Barnes Bridge, it was "Dolly's" muscle and nerve
+that pulled the crew together and won the race. When at Lord's the match
+was nearly over, and the Light Blues had won all but the shouting,
+"Dolly" went in last man and rattled up fifty in half an hour and won
+the match. When at the Oxford Union he spoke upon the very question now
+before the House--namely, whether a tax should be imposed upon
+periwinkles--his oratory alone turned the scale, and gave his party the
+victory. Yet now his speech upon the periwinkle problem has certainly
+not impressed the House. Men listened for a time and then adjourned to
+dinner, and his splendid peroration, recognised by his friends as the
+same which he had delivered at the Oxford Union, failed to elicit a
+single cheer.
+
+Curiosity, however, induced his supporters to remain and hear the reply.
+The next speaker was a contrast to their hero, and a titter went round
+among Dolly's friends in the Gallery. He was a type of the preaching
+Member. No doubt a very worthy soul, but hardly an Adonis to look at,
+nor a Cicero to listen to. Still he is sincere, and with his own class
+effective; and sincerity, after all, is the most valuable, and I may add
+the most rare, quality in the composition of an ordinary Member of
+Parliament.
+
+My neighbour, the Usher, at this point opens his left eye, which takes
+in at a glance the Opposition side of the House, and breaks out in this
+style:
+
+"All right, little 'un! Keep wot yer sayin' till Sunday. Yer sermon's
+sending me to sleep. Forcing taxation on the winks of the 'ungry
+Englishman will raise the country to revolt. Tommy rot! Here endeth the
+first lesson, thank goodness!"
+
+The soliloquising official rolls off his seat chuckling along the
+Gallery. Envelopes are handed to him by the reporters. He rolls back to
+the door, opens it, gives the copy to the messengers waiting for it, and
+rolls back once more into his seat. In doing so he spies me.
+
+I feel smaller.
+
+"Here, I say, what are you?"
+
+"_Punch._"
+
+"Where's ticket?"
+
+"Left at home."
+
+"H'm! Don't forget it again."
+
+"Certainly not."
+
+I say nothing more, as I am too interested in his running commentary of
+the proceedings. A grunt. Shake down:
+
+"Old Waddy, is it? Another sermon. Blow black plaster. Tell that to the
+juries, and use it again in chapel. Yer a good friend to us--get a count
+soon. Ah, I thought so. Joey Biggar up to count and snuff."
+
+"Have a pinch?" he said to me.
+
+"Thanks." I sneeze.
+
+"What are you?" asked the man of the golden badge, looking down at me. I
+met his query as before.
+
+Same demand.
+
+Same reply.
+
+Same promise.
+
+The electric bells were ringing for a "count out." He opened both eyes
+to watch if forty Members came in. They did; and three times forty.
+
+"Torment 'em! Keep me here all night, I see."
+
+Samuel Banks Waddy--Pleader, Preacher, Parliamentarian (as he is
+designated in a work on M.P.'s)--continues preaching. He is followed by
+the Leader of the House. My soliloquising friend continues:
+
+"Ah, Old Morality--as Lucy calls ye--up at last. Move the closure, now
+then, that's right; speak of yer dooty to the House and Country. Set the
+Rads laughing, shut yer own mouth, and sit down. Oh lor! 'Ere's the
+Grand Old Muddler up. We're getting 'usky, old 'un; both of us have 'ad
+too much of this job. We're very much alike, Gladdy and me--both great
+eaters and great sleepers."
+
+[Illustration: "I FEEL SMALLER!"]
+
+Mr. Gladstone was telling the House all about black plaster, and gave
+three points why it should not be used in public hospitals. With the
+third point he landed a blow at Home Rule, and his ingenuity in doing
+so brought forth a derisive cheer from the Irish benches, which roused
+my neighbour.
+
+I looked up at him smiling, as much as to say, "Just like the Old
+Parliamentary Hand."
+
+"What are you?" he growled.
+
+"_Punch._"
+
+"Ticket?"
+
+Same reply and promise.
+
+Appeased, he continued:
+
+"Words, words, words--no 'ed no tail. Oh, of course you remember the
+introduction of white plaster--3rd of June, 1840--why didn't you say
+half-past two o'clock? More convincing. No doubt you got into some
+scrape and 'ad to use it. Won't you catch it from the old woman in the
+Gallery when you get home if you say so! Can't 'ear yer, thank goodness.
+Scribblers will take down any rot you talk. They want _me_, I suppose.
+Blowed if the country wants you."
+
+Again he rolls out of his seat, collects the reporters' copy, and gives
+it to the attendants.
+
+"Who are you? Ah, _Punch_. Don't forget yer ticket."
+
+Again he dozes.
+
+"'Icks Beach up! 'Ave all the Board of Trade chaps up, capping each
+other. Funny thing--Board of Trade chap says anything, all the Board of
+Traders must have a word in. Same with Local Government Board--new man
+says anything, old 'uns put in a word for theirselves, just to keep the
+place warm for them to return. Board!--I'm bored--joke there for Lucy.
+Thought the Irish lot couldn't keep quiet much longer. Tanner up,--ought
+to know more about plaster than politics. Rum fellers, these doctors in
+the House; leave their patients at 'ome, and come here to try
+ours--'nother good joke for Lucy--make his 'air stand on end. Tanner
+sticking to the plaster--now then, young Tories, jeer 'im down. The
+Doctor's goin' it. Order! order! That's right, Brand, turn 'im
+out,--wouldn't stand 'im in any place else. City Fowler's
+bellowing,--scene a-brewing,--good copy for these quill-drivers."
+
+Dr. Tanner had recited some harrowing tale about black plaster being
+used in his native town by a hospital surgeon on the scratched face of
+some old woman who had joined "the boys" in a street fight, although she
+protested that pink suited her complexion.
+
+"It was a base Saxon trick!" roared the infuriated Member for Cork
+County. "On a par with the mane, dirty doings of puppets and spalpeens
+like the Mimbers opposite."
+
+"Order! order!" cried the Speaker. "The hon. Member must withdraw that
+expression."
+
+"I'll not withdraw anything except by adding that they're all liars on
+the Tory benches."
+
+"The hon. Member must withdraw."
+
+The Doctor "exits" with a flourish, glares at the Conservative benches
+below the gangway, and hisses at them:
+
+"Better order a ton of plaster, for you'll want it after I meet ye
+outside."
+
+Mr. Labouchere and two or three Irish Members rise at once.
+
+My neighbour sneers.
+
+"Oh, sit down, ye rubbishy lot! Labby,--better keep yer jokes for yer
+paper. Bless me if Conybeare ain't left standing! Now for an hour of
+boredom."
+
+"He _is_ a bore," I remark.
+
+"Yes, I've stood Kenealy and Wharton, but this bore I can't. I'll chuck
+it up. Kenealy did his best for the Claimant, and was amusing at times;
+and Wharton,--well, he had good snuff, and his hat was a treat; but this
+Conybeare is a bore and nothing else."
+
+So he went on.
+
+The "descendant of kings," Sir William Harcourt, rose to pulverise
+Torydom and put an end to the Government and everything in general, when
+the Speaker rose and said that the question before the House was whether
+black sticking-plaster could be used in public hospitals.
+
+"Oh, that's right, he wants putting down; too much of the grand Old
+Bailey style. Make yer fortune in plush and knee breeches as a prize
+flunkey; platform stuff won't do for us. What are you?" I feel smaller!
+
+"_Punch._"
+
+"You take Harcourt off with the chins?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Shake hands!"
+
+We were friends ever afterwards.
+
+[Illustration: "I FEEL SMALLER!"]
+
+One day when I arrived,--actually with my Gallery ticket,-a fresh
+pleasant official sat in my old friend's place, wearing his gold chain
+and badge. "Should this meet the eye" of his predecessor, soliloquising
+in the retirement of his suburban home, I trust it will not disturb the
+serenity of his well-earned repose, for he was a capital fellow, and I
+can answer for much good sense in his "official utterances."
+
+If a politician were not a caricature by nature, I made him one. Mr.
+Gladstone's collar I invented--for the same reason a journalistic friend
+of mine invented Beaconsfield's champagne jelly--for "copy." When
+Members suggested nothing new, I turned my attention to officials. The
+Sergeant-at-Arms in that way became known as the "Black Beetle."
+
+I watched Captain Gosset from the Press Gallery walk up the floor of the
+House in court dress, his knee-breeches showing off his rather bandy
+legs, elbows akimbo, and curious gait; his back view at once suggested
+the beetle, and as the Black Beetle he was known. This, I was assured,
+gave offence, so that I was rather anxious to see how I should be
+greeted when Professor Thorold Rogers took me into the Sergeant's
+presence, after I had been drawing him as the "Beetle" for some time.
+
+The late Professor Thorold Rogers was for many years a familiar
+Bohemianish figure in Parliament. He had a marked individuality, a
+strong head and a rough tongue, an uncouth manner, sloppy attire, and
+his conversation was anything but refined. Still he was kind and
+amusing, and, for a Professor in Parliament, popular. Professors are not
+liked in St. Stephen's, and never a success; and as a politician
+Professor Thorold Rogers was no exception to this rule. It was he who
+introduced me to the Sergeant-at-Arms' room, that _sanctum sanctorum_ of
+the lively spirits of Parliament. Perhaps I ought correctly to call it
+Captain Gosset's room, for although Captain Gosset was the
+Sergeant-at-Arms, the Sergeant-at-Arms was by no means Captain Gosset.
+An anecdote will illustrate this.
+
+A friend of mine, a well-known journalist, travelling abroad during the
+Recess, fell in with Captain Gosset, and they became companions in their
+journey. A few days after they arrived home my journalistic acquaintance
+was in the Inner Lobby of the House of Commons as the Sergeant-at-Arms
+was passing through, and he called out, "How are you, Captain Gosset?
+Any the worse for your journey?"
+
+"I beg your pardon, sir, I have not the pleasure of your acquaintance.
+You are mistaken."
+
+"Nonsense, Captain! Why, we travelled together. I am----"
+
+"That may be, but---- Oh, I see, you are thinking of that fellow Gosset.
+Sir, I am the Sergeant-at-Arms!" And he strode off with the greatest
+dignity.
+
+I was agreeably surprised when I was introduced to the "Black Beetle."
+
+[Illustration: THE BLACK BEETLE.]
+
+"Here is Harry Furniss, Gosset" (not Sergeant, I observed); "now give it
+to him."
+
+"Delighted to make your acquaintance, Mr. Furniss. You see how I
+appreciate your work." And he pointed to a row of black beetles, cut out
+of _Punch_ and pasted on the wall, the rest of the wall being covered
+with interesting and dignified portraits of Members. Here was Gosset at
+twelve o'clock at night. At twelve noon he would be Sergeant-at-Arms,
+with power to take me to the Clock Tower.
+
+[Illustration: THE SERGEANT-AT-ARMS' ROOM. _From "Punch."_]
+
+This room is still the Sergeant-at-Arms' office, but in it are no
+portraits, no black beetles--on paper; there may be some living
+specimens, for aught I know, haunting the old room in search of the
+lively company, the pipes, and the huge decanters. The present
+Sergeant-at-Arms is as unlike a black beetle as he is unlike the
+Bohemian Gosset. But I shall be surprised if, when the courteous and
+universally appreciated Sergeant-at-Arms retires, and the present
+Assistant Sergeant-at-Arms, Mr. Gosset, takes his place, we shall not
+see the old room again the most entertaining spot in the Houses of
+Parliament.
+
+When Professor Rogers was escorting me to the famous room, he implored
+me to leave politics outside of it,--as if I ever talked politics in the
+House! "Rule is--no politics, so don't forget it."
+
+"Ah," he said, as soon as he sat down, "why aint you in the House, Tom,
+vilifying and misrepresenting the Irish as I heard you this afternoon!
+Disgraceful, I say, disgraceful!" and he thumped the table.
+
+"No politics, Professor," "Dick" Power remarked.
+
+"Oh, indeed, my noble Whip; that comes well from a beater to a beaten
+gang. Why aint you at your post,--the door-post, ha! ha!--and rally your
+men and overthrow these damned Tories? Oh, yes, King-Harman, your good
+looks do not atone for bad measures."
+
+"No politics, Professor," all cried.
+
+"Come, Furniss, come away, they're all drunk here. I'll tell you my last
+story on the Terrace. These Tories destroy everything."
+
+[Illustration: CAPT. GOSSET, LATE SERGEANT-AT-ARMS. _From the
+"Illustrated London News."_]
+
+Such was my introduction to this select little club in Parliament, in
+which, with the exception of the Professor, all forgot politics, and the
+best of the Tories, Home Rulers, Radicals, and officials were at peace.
+I was always on most friendly terms with my "Black Beetle," a proof that
+caricature leaves no unkind sting when the victim is really a man of the
+world and a jolly good fellow. Surely nothing could be more offensive to
+an official in high office than to be continually represented as a black
+beetle!
+
+[Illustration: MY "CHILDISH" STYLE IN _PUNCH_.]
+
+When I did not "invent" a character, such as the "Beetle," I adopted for
+a change various styles of drawing. For even the work of a caricaturist
+becomes monotonous if he is but a master of one style and a slave to
+mannerisms. To avoid this I am Egyptian, Chinese, Japanese, and at times
+"Childish"--a specimen of each style in _Punch_ the proprietors have
+kindly allowed me to republish in these pages. There is really very
+little artistic merit in the "Childish" style of work. I did not use it
+often, but whenever I did I tried to introduce some "drawing" as well.
+Here, for instance, are my Academy skits--drawn as if by a boy, but the
+figures of the teacher and pupil are in drawing. By the way, these
+different styles, I am glad to see, are still kept alive in the pages of
+_Punch_ by new--if not younger--hands. This year's (1901) Academy skits
+and other drawings, I notice, are signed "'Arry's Son," but they are
+not--as might be thought--by one of my own boys.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+During most of the time I enjoyed a privilege which belonged to no one
+else, not excepting Members, for even Members must, like schoolboys,
+keep "within bounds." They are not permitted, for instance, to enter the
+Press Gallery, or the portion of the House reserved to the Press;
+neither can Press-men enter the Members' rooms at will. The public,
+being ignorant of the stringent rules of St. Stephen's, cannot
+understand the obstacles there are to seeing the House. One instance
+will suffice to show the absurdity of the rules. The ex-Treasurer of the
+House of Lords, whose acquaintance I had, and whose offices were in the
+corridor by the Select Chamber, could not take anyone into the House,
+even when it was empty, without a written order. Although armed with a
+Gallery Ticket, and also on the "Lobby list," _i.e._, the right to enter
+the Inner Lobby, I was not free to make any sketches of the House
+itself, inside or out. Requiring to get such material for the elaborate
+interiors and exteriors I use in my Lecture-Entertainment, "The Humours
+of Parliament," I boldly bearded the highest official in his den, and
+left with this simple document. Aladdin's key could not have caused more
+surprise than this talisman. The head of the police, the
+Sergeant-at-Arms himself, could not interfere. "The Palace of
+Westminster" includes the House of Commons, so I made full use of my
+unique opportunity, and possess material invaluable for my Parliamentary
+work.
+
+[Illustration: I SKETCH THE HOUSE.]
+
+I had facilities in another way. At one time the Engineer-in-Chief was a
+friend of mine, Dr. Percy. Few men were better known in and about the
+House than this popular official engineer of the Palace of Westminster.
+To begin with, he was over six feet high, and had a voice that would
+carry from the Commons to the House of Lords. He had to be "all over the
+place"--under the House, over the House, and all round the House. He was
+as well-known in the smoking-room of the Garrick Club as he was in the
+smoking-room of the Commons, and it was when I joined the Garrick I made
+his acquaintance. He was also an art _connoisseur_, and had a very fine
+collection of water-colours. The first time I saw the Doctor was years
+before on a steamer on the Rance, between Normandy and Brittany. I made
+a sketch of his extraordinary features, so that when he entered the
+Garrick Club I recognised the original of my caricature. We frequently
+walked down to the Houses of Parliament together after dinner, and more
+than once he invited me behind the scenes and under the stage of
+Parliament, through the "fog filter" and ventilating shafts, when he was
+wont to indulge in a grim, saturnine humour appropriate to his
+subterranean subject. As he opened the iron doors for us to pass from
+one passage to another, close to and above which the benches are
+situated,--for the whole House is honeycombed for ventilating
+purposes,--he pretended that long experience enabled him to discriminate
+between the odours from different parts of the House, and declared that
+he could tap and draw off a specimen of the atmosphere on the Government
+benches, the Opposition side, or the Radical seats, at will.
+
+"There, my boy! eh? Pretty thick, aint it? That's the Scotch lot. Now
+hold your nose. I open this door and we get the Irish draught. Ugh! Come
+on, come on quickly--mixture of Irish, working-men M.P.'s, and Rads.
+Kill a horse!"
+
+The table of the House, which Mr. Disraeli erroneously described as "a
+solid piece of furniture," is in reality--like so many arguments which
+are flung across it--perfectly hollow; and one evening when I arrived
+with Dr. Percy and found that in consequence of the winding-up speech of
+Mr. Gladstone in a great debate the Press Gallery was full and all the
+seats under the gallery were occupied, Dr. Percy kindly allowed me to
+sit _inside the table_. I was sorely tempted to try the effect of
+inserting my pencil through the grating which forms the side of the
+table, and tickle the shins of the right hon. gentleman. Anyway, I
+looked straight into the faces of the Ministers and those on the front
+bench, and not only heard every word, but the asides and whispers as
+well.
+
+[Illustration: DR. PERCY. "THE HOUSE UP."
+
+_From "Punch."_]
+
+I only once caricatured Dr. Percy in _Punch_ (December, 1886), after
+there had been a sort of earthquake in the Inner Lobby of the House, and
+the tesselated pavement was thrown up. I made a drawing, "The House up
+at last." Dr. Percy "is personally directing the improvements." It is
+interesting to know that some of the pavement taken up on that occasion
+is laid in the hall of an hon. Member's house in the country, not far
+from West Kirby, Cheshire.
+
+[Illustration: MR. PUNCH'S PUZZLE-HEADED PEOPLE. MR. GOSCHEN.
+
+_From "Punch."_]
+
+
+                      THE VILLAIN OF ART.
+
+One frequently hears the remark, "Caricature is so ugly." Well,
+certainly pure caricature is the villain of art, and the popular
+draughtsman, like the popular actor, should, to remain popular in his
+work, always play the virtuous hero. If the leading actor _must_ play
+the villain, he takes care to make up inoffensive and tame. So the
+villain caricaturist need not be "ugly"--but then he cannot be strong.
+Nor is it left to an actor--unless he be the star or actor-manager--to
+remain popular by being tame and pretty in every part. So is the
+caricaturist, if he is not the star, liable to be cast to play the
+villain whether he likes it or not, and if he is a genuine worker he
+will not shrink from the part, merely to remain popular and curry favour
+with those deserving to be satirised.
+
+[Illustration: MR. PUNCH'S PUZZLE-HEADED PEOPLE. "ALL HARCOURTS."
+               _From "Punch."_]
+
+Now in _Punch_, as I was cast for it, I played the villain's part. In
+doing so I was at times necessarily "ugly," and therefore to some
+unpopular. I confess I felt it my duty not to shrink from being "ugly,"
+although whenever I could I introduced some redeeming element into my
+designs--the figure of a girl, allegorical of Parliament or whatever the
+"ugly" subject might happen to be--but in some of my _Punch_ drawings
+this relief was impossible. For instance, the series of "Puzzle Heads,"
+in each of which a portrait of the celebrity is built up of personal
+attributes, characteristics, or incidents in the career of the person
+represented, could not but be unpleasant pictures. Some subscribers
+threatened to give up the paper if they were continued; others became
+subscribers for these Puzzle Heads alone. It is ever so. The old saying,
+"One man's meat is another's poison," is as applicable to caricature as
+to anything else. It is impossible to please all tastes when catering
+for the large public, unless an editor is satisfied to be stereotyped
+and perfunctory; but Mr. Punch has made his name by his strength, not
+his weakness, and it may be safely inferred that no Tory thinks less of
+him for having used all his talent in attacking Benjamin Disraeli year
+after year as no man has been attacked before--or since--in his pages.
+
+In looking through the volumes of _Punch_ one is apt to forget that the
+strong situations and stirring events by which a caricaturist's hit is
+made effective at the time of publication fade from one's memory. The
+cartoon in all its strength remains a record of an event which has lost
+its interest. One cannot always realise that the drawing was only strong
+because the feeling and interest at the time of its conception demanded
+it. Allowance should therefore be made for the villain's ugly
+caricature, if it is a good drawing, prophetically correct, and
+therefore historically interesting.
+
+Perhaps no cartoon of mine in _Punch_ caused such hostile criticism as
+"The New Cabinet" (August 27, 1892). It gave great offence to the
+Gladstonians. The Radical Press attacked me ferociously, and as I think
+most unfairly, for they treated it politically and not pictorially, and
+severely reprimanded Mr. Punch for publishing it. Had it been a
+Conservative Cabinet the Tory Press would not have resented it or
+allowed narrow-minded party politics to prejudice their mind in such
+trivial matters. _Punch_ is supposed to be non-political. Its present
+editor is impartial. Mr. Punch's traditions are Whig, and somehow or
+other a certain class of its readers at that particular crisis was
+strongly opposed to the two sides of a question being treated. Yet I
+venture to say two-thirds of the readers of _Punch_ are Conservatives,
+and should therefore be amused. It is impossible to treat a strong
+political subject--such as the meeting of that particular Cabinet
+caricatured by me--without offending some readers by amusing others,
+unless, as I say, the subject is treated in a colourless manner. This
+particular cartoon hurt because it hit a strong situation in a truthful
+and straight-forward manner, and subsequent events proved it to be a
+correct conception. Yet at the time no name was too bad for me, and as
+these are my confessions, let me assure the public that had the Cabinet
+been a Conservative one I would have treated it in exactly the same way;
+and it is my firm conviction that had such been the case I would have
+given no offence either inside or outside of Mr. Punch's office.
+
+My readers will sympathise with me. I am to draw political cartoons
+without being political; I am to draw caricatures without being
+personal; I am to be funny without holding my subject up to ridicule; I
+am to be effective without being strong--in fact, I am to be a
+caricaturist without caricature! On the other hand, no cartoon I ever
+drew for _Punch_ was more popular. Non-politicians were good enough to
+accept it as an antidote to the usual caricatures, and those papers on
+the other side of politics were extravagantly complimentary, and I
+received a large sum for the original for a private collection. I allow
+the following leaderette from the _Birmingham Post_ to illustrate the
+point, and at the same time to describe the cartoon. The same paper, I
+may add, comments on the principal cartoon in _Punch_ that week--drawn
+by Tenniel--as showing that _Punch_ "thinks little of the prospects of
+the present Government":
+
+[Illustration: REDUCTION FROM ENGRAVING IN _PUNCH_.]
+
+  "'Mr. Punch' is in 'excellent fooling' this week. Rarely has he, even
+  he, more happily burlesqued a political situation than in Mr. Harry
+  Furniss's cartoon of 'The New Cabinet.' Not a word of explanation
+  accompanies the picture: it is good wine, needing no bush, and making
+  very merry. A glance suffices to seize its meaning, for it expresses a
+  thought that has flitted, at one time or another, through everyone's
+  mind. The big moment has come when Mr. Gladstone is to reveal to his
+  colleagues the secret he has hitherto withheld from them, not less than
+  from the electorate--to submit to them, masterly, succinct, complete,
+  the scheme which, with unexampled courage and sublimest modesty, they
+  have defended on trust, for which they have sacrificed their personal
+  independence without knowing why, and as to which, painful to remember,
+  they have sometimes blundered into confident and contradictory
+  conjecture. We can picture the subtle excitement--in one Minister of
+  joyful expectation, in another of horrid misgiving--under which they
+  have come together. Well, Mr. Gladstone unfolds the fateful document,
+  and lo! it is a blank sheet. Paralysis and grim despair fall upon the
+  spirits of the assembly; face to face with a nightmare reality, not a
+  man amongst them has strength to say, 'This is a dream.' At the head of
+  the table, his elbows resting on the parchment, and an undipped quill
+  actually split upon it in his angry grasp, sits the Premier, a
+  never-to-be-forgotten picture of impotent ill-humour. The task with
+  which the Cabinet is confronted, for him as for the rest, is impossible
+  and yet inexorable. In the candle-flame, by an effect of hallucination
+  natural at such a moment, the face of Mr. O'Brien seems to limn itself
+  out, implacable and contemptuous; and there is a fearsome shadow on the
+  blind--the massive head of Lord Salisbury. The candle, marked '40,' is
+  the majority, which dwindles while the Ministers are sadly musing; and
+  over the mantelpiece, behind the Premier's chair, mutely reproachful,
+  hangs a picture of the great Cabinet of 1880. It is distinctly the best
+  thing Mr. Furniss has done."
+
+That impression was shared by my private friends as well, even those on
+_Punch_. My dear friend Mr. E. J. Milliken, a strong Radical, and a most
+active member of the staff, in a reply to a letter of mine, in which I
+intimated that I was afraid my cartoon would give offence, replied in a
+most flattering spirit.
+
+I had to play the "villain" in another scene in the same political
+drama, "Mr. Punch's Historical Cartoons" (1893), in which the same
+Cabinet is shown in Mr. Gladstone's room in the "Bauble Shop"--the House
+of Commons. Those Radicals who had not joined the Unionists again took
+offence. Those Radicals who had become Unionist wrote to congratulate
+me. From one well-known and powerful personality, a historical name in
+the publishing world, I received the following:
+
+                                                 "February 23rd, 1893.
+
+  "Your cartoon p. 95 delights us all. I have looked at it twenty times
+  and seen fresh points in it. Nothing for years, I should say, has so
+  entirely caught the very spirit of a great crisis.
+
+  "We shall owe something to you for this felicitous exposure of
+  Gladstone's insane Bill. Alas! the miners and the brickies, the
+  costermongers and the dust-cart drivers, have now the power. The middle
+  class has been out-numbered, and if it were not that some labouring men
+  and artisans have hard heads enough to comprehend the position we should
+  be landed in a pretty pickle next September.
+
+  "It is a pity traitors' heads are nowadays their own copyright."
+
+A "copyright" in heads is a good suggestion, and coming from a publisher
+too! But apart from "traitors," there are others known to a
+caricaturist. The House of Commons at one time was rich in them. Some
+such works of art suffer in being translated. Indeed, what the poet
+"Ballyhooley" wrote of one might apply to others:
+
+                      "DARWIN MacNEILL.
+
+     "Darwin MacNeill, all the papers are hot on you,
+      Darwin MacNeill, they are writing a lot on you.
+      What in the world sort of face have you got on you?
+      Send us your photograph, Darwin MacNeill.
+      Surely you must be both lovely and pure!
+      Have you got fatures that nothing can cure?
+      Let's have the first of it,
+      Let's know the worst of it:
+      Is your face only a caricature?
+      Here's a health to you, Darwin MacNeill,
+      Let penny canes all your enemies feel;
+      Show me the crature would slander a fature
+      Of the beautiful Mimber for ould Donegal.
+
+     "Our childhers are dull, and we wish to be brightening them
+      Send us your picture and we'll be enlightening them,
+      Maybe 'twill only be useful for frightening them;
+      Still let us have it, dear Darwin MacNeill.
+      Shut up the slander and talk they are at,
+      Show us the head you've got under your hat;
+      True every particle, genuine article,
+      Send us your picture in answer to that.
+      Here's a health to you, etc.
+
+     "I hear that the Queen she has simply gone crazy, man;
+      Says she to Gladstone, 'Get out, you old lazy man!
+      Cannot you see that I'll never be aisy, man,
+      Till I've a portrait of Darwin MacNeill?'
+      When of that picture she first got a sight,
+      She held it up, so they say, to the light,
+      Looked at the head of it, then all she said of it,
+      'I'm of opinion that Darwin is right.'
+      Here's a health to you, etc.
+
+     "There's just arrived now, to give great content to us,
+      A lovely picture, which someone has sent to us.
+      We know the worst now, for there has been sent to us
+      What's called a portrait of Darwin MacNeill.
+      If it's a likeness, I just tell you what,
+      That you have acted in ways you should not.
+      Don't try a turn of fists
+      On with the journalists;
+      Thrash those who gave you the head you have got.
+      But here's a health to you, Darwin MacNeill!
+      Only just manage new fatures to steal,
+      Then show me the crature would slander a fature
+      Of the beautiful Mimber for ould Donegal."
+
+
+This "Pen Portrait," by Mr. Robert Martin, refers to a matter of much
+regret to me. I have to confess my sorrow that I was the means of making
+a Member of Parliament ridiculous! The innocent item came in the
+ordinary course of my work for _Punch_. I was sent an incident to
+illustrate for the Diary of Toby, M.P., which, when published, was used
+as an excuse to "technically assault" me in the Inner Lobby of the House
+of Commons.
+
+[Illustration: REDUCTION OF PAGE IN _PUNCH_, SHOWING THAT MY CARICATURES
+WERE--IN THIS CASE--PUBLISHED TOO LARGE.]
+
+Perhaps in the circumstances I may be pardoned if I confess a secret
+connected with these Parliamentary caricatures. For some years I
+provided a page drawing and some small cuts in every number during
+Parliament--the latter were generally sketches of Members of Parliament.
+These single portraits were supplied in advance, and engraved proofs
+sent in a book to Mr. Lucy to select from week by week. The following
+letter is worth quoting in full as a characteristic letter from the
+Editor, typical of his light and pleasant way of transacting business
+with his staff:
+
+  "Dear H. F.,--"Please keyindly see that H. L. (not 'Labby,' but 'Lucy')
+  has all your parliamentarians whom you (as your predecessor Henry VIII.
+  did) have executed on the block sent to him, as he found himself
+  unprovided up to the last moment and so wrote to me in his haste.
+
+  "(?) Fancy portrait. Our artist, H. F., as Henry VIII. taking off his
+  victims' heads on the block, eh?
+                                                   "Yours, "F. C. B."
+
+To this rule, however, there were exceptions. This particular caricature
+was one of them: it was drawn at the last moment to illustrate a
+particular passage in Mr. Lucy's Diary of Toby, M.P. Here it is:
+
+  "'Look here, Bartley,' said Tommy Bowles; 'if you're going on that tack,
+  you must come and sit on this side. When I saw MacNeill open his mouth
+  to speak, I confess I thought I was going to be swallowed whole. You sit
+  here; there's more of you.'"
+
+[Illustration: REDUCTION FROM THE ORIGINAL DRAWING, SHOWING THAT I GAVE
+INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE CARICATURE TO BE "REDUCED AS USUAL."]
+
+Now had I shown "Pongo," as he was familiarly called in the House, in
+the act of swallowing "Tommy Bowles," I might have produced a most
+objectionable caricature. I made, however, a smiling portrait of the
+genial Member. I was away at the time recovering from a long illness:
+the sketch was made in the country, and sent up to the _Punch_
+engraver's office. By some mistake there, it was not reduced in size in
+reproduction as others had been; therefore in the paper it was
+apparently given extra importance--I had nothing to do with that. That
+Mr. Lucy's reference to Mr. MacNeill is not a caricature can be judged
+by anyone reading the passage I had to illustrate, given above. The
+notion that the drawing was _purposely_ produced on a larger scale than
+usual, so as to give this special caricature prominence, is disproved by
+the fact that the caricature of the gallant and genial Admiral Field I
+drew exactly under the same conditions appears on the same page also far
+too large. Therefore it is a mistaken idea that this particular portrait
+was intentionally offensive, or different from others.
+
+It was really the combination of circumstances, if anything, that called
+special attention to that particular page in _Punch,_ and gave rise to
+
+
+                     A SCENE IN THE LOBBY.
+
+I shall, in describing the curtain rising on this historical incident,
+borrow Mr. Lucy's own account of the way in which the Member approached
+me after he had seen my illustration to Mr. Lucy's clever Diary of the
+Week:
+
+"It was shortly after seven o'clock that Mr. Harry Furniss strolled into
+the Lobby. He had been suffering from a long and severe sickness,
+dedicating this the first evening of his convalescence to a visit to the
+scene of labours which have delighted mankind. Over the place there
+brooded an air of ineffable peace. The bustle of the earlier hour of
+meeting was stilled. The drone of talk went on in the half-empty House
+within the glass doors. Now and then a Member hastily crossed the floor
+of the Lobby, intent on preparations for dinner. One of these chanced to
+be Mr. Swift MacNeill, a Member who, beneath occasional turbulence of
+manner, scarcely conceals the gentlest, kindliest disposition, a
+gentleman by birth and training, a scholar and a patriot. The House,
+whilst it sometimes laughs at his exuberance of manner, always shows
+that it likes him. Mr. Furniss, seeing him approach with hurried step,
+may naturally have expected that he was making haste to offer those
+congratulations on renewed health and reappearance on the scene of
+labour that had already been proffered from other quarters. What
+followed has been told by Mr. Furniss in language the simplicity and
+graphicness of which Defoe could not have excelled."
+
+Mr. Lucy refers to the following account I wrote at the time:
+
+"On my return to continue my work in Parliament for Mr. Punch after my
+severe illness, I found the jaded legislators yearning for fresh air,
+and even the approaching final division on the Home Rule Bill had failed
+to arouse more than a languid interest. I felt this depression when I
+entered the Lobby, its sole occupants being the tired-out doorkeepers
+and the leg-weary policemen. I really believe a swarm of wasps would not
+have roused them to activity, for I noticed a bluebottle resting
+undisturbed upon the nose of one of Inspector Horsley's staff. Even the
+Terrace was dusty, and the Members rusty and morose. One of the Irish
+Members had selected as his friend Frank Slavin, the well-known
+prize-fighter, who had an admiring group round him, to whom no doubt he
+was relating the history of his many plucky battles.
+
+[Illustration: WHAT HAPPENED.]
+
+"The stimulating effect of this may have been the cause for the assault
+upon me in the Inner Lobby, which has afforded the stale House some
+little excitement, which has been the salvation of the silly season. So
+many papers have given startling accounts of this attack upon me, some
+stating that I was caned, others that I was pummelled, shaken like a
+dog, and so on, that I am glad to take the opportunity of giving a clear
+statement of what really occurred. I was standing close to the doors of
+the Inner Lobby, talking to Mr. Cuthbert Quilter, when Mr. Swift
+MacNeill interrupted us by asking me, 'Are you the man that draws the
+cartoons in _Punch_?' 'That depends upon what they are,' said I. 'I
+refer to one,' said the excited Member, 'that has annoyed me very much,'
+'Let me see it,' I replied. Mr. MacNeill then drew out his pocket-book
+and showed me a cutting from the current number of _Punch_. 'Yes,' I
+said, 'that is from a drawing of mine,' 'Then ye're a low, black-guardly
+scoundrel,' melodramatically exclaimed the usually genial Member. Taking
+two or three steps back, he hissed at me, with a livid face, a series of
+offensive epithets too coarse for publication. Having exhausted his
+vocabulary of vulgarity, a happy thought seemed to strike him. 'I want
+to assault you,' he said, and forthwith he nervously and gingerly tapped
+me as if he were playing with a hot coal. He then danced off to Members
+who were looking on, crying, 'This is the scoundrel who has caricatured
+me; witness, I assault him!' and he recommenced the tapping process
+which constituted this technical assault. Knowing that Mr. MacNeill is a
+very excitable subject, and at once detecting that this assault was a
+'put-up job,' I was determined to remain perfectly cool; and, truth to
+tell, the pirouetting of the agitated Member hugely amused me,
+particularly as the more excited he became, the more he resembled the
+caricature which was the cause, or supposed to be the cause, of this
+attack, I treated the hon. Member exactly as the policeman treated the
+bluebottle--with perfect indifference, not even troubling to brush away
+the trifling annoyance. But when in the midst of its buzzing round me I
+moved in the direction of one of the officials, it flew away. Then
+appeared what I had been anticipating, and the real cause of the insult
+transpired. Dr. Tanner came up to me just as I recollect Slavin
+approaching Jackson in their historic fight. He showered the grossest
+insults upon me, and I was surrounded at once by his clique, who were
+anxious for the scene which must have occurred had I, like Jackson, been
+the first to let out with my left. But here again was I face to face
+with a chronically excited Member, backed up by his friends, and I
+refused to be drawn into a brawl. But the secret of the real cause of
+this organised attack upon me was revealed to me by Dr. Tanner, who at
+once informed me that it was the outcome of my imitations of the Irish
+Members in my entertainment, 'The Humours of Parliament,' which I have
+given for two seasons all over the country. This was my offence; my
+caricature of Mr. Swift MacNeill the excuse for the attack."
+
+[Illustration: DR. TANNER.]
+
+Mr. MacNeill's "technical assault" was a very childish incident. He
+merely touched the sleeve of my coat with the tip of his finger, and
+asked me if I would accept that as a "technical assault." This
+mysterious pantomime was subsequently explained to me, and meant that I
+was to take out a summons--but I only laughed. At the moment Mr.
+MacNeill was pirouetting round me at a distance, Mr. John Burns came on
+to the scene, and chaffed Mr. MacNeill, drawing an imaginary picture
+(for Mr. Burns was not in the Lobby) of a real assault upon me. A
+gentleman connected with an evening paper, who happened to enter with
+Mr. Burns, failed to see Mr. Burns's humour, and thereupon took down in
+shorthand Mr. Burns's imaginary picture as a matter of fact. It was
+published as a fact, and, for all I know or care, some may still believe
+that I was assaulted!
+
+[Illustration: ASSAULT ON ME IN THE HOUSE. WHAT THE PRESS DESCRIBED.]
+
+When I read that I had been treated like a cur, I was rather amused; but
+when I read a statement in the papers from a man like John Burns saying
+that he saw me "taken by the lapels of the coat and shaken like a dog,
+and then taken by the ear and shaken by that," I thought the joke had
+been carried far enough. Determined to have this cock-and-bull story
+contradicted at once, I went down to the House and saw Mr. John Burns,
+who expressed to me his regret that he should have invented the story,
+and he left me to go to the writing-room, and promised I should have
+from him a written contradiction.
+
+After waiting a considerable time, a message was brought to me that Mr.
+Burns declined to keep his promise. I therefore wrote these particulars
+and sent them off to the Press. At the same time Mr. Burns, who had been
+closeted with some Radical journalists, wrote an offensive note--which
+was shown me, and which I advised him to publish.
+
+Poor Mr. MacNeill! Well may he say, "Save me from my friends!" The Press
+put on their comic men to make copy at his expense. If I were to publish
+it all, it would make a volume as large as this. By permission I publish
+the following lay from the _St. James' Budget_ (September, 1893):
+
+
+                 "THE LAY OF SWIFT MACNEILL.
+
+                 (_Picked up in the Lobby._)
+
+  "Have ye heard, have ye heard, of the late immortal fray,
+   When the lion back of Swift MacNeill got up and stood at bay,
+   When the lion voice of Tanner cried, 'To Judas wid yer chaff!'
+   An' the Saxon knees were shaking, though they made believe to laugh.
+
+  "'Twas widin the Commons' Lobby, in the corner by the dure,
+   There was Misther Harry Furniss a-standing on the flure,
+   When up to him came stalking, like O'Tarquin in his pride,
+   The bowldest of the bowld, MacNeill, wid the Docther by his side.
+
+  "Then the valiant Swift MacNeill from his pocket he took out
+   A picther very like him, an' he brandished it about,
+   An' he held it up to Furniss for his Saxon eyes to see,
+   An' he asked of him, 'Ye spalpeen, is this porthrait meant for me?'
+
+  "''Tis your likeness, as I see it,' was the answer that he got,
+   An' the wrath of Misther Swift MacNeill then wax'd exceeding hot,
+   An' he cast the picther from him, an' he trod it on the ground,
+   An' he took an' danced an Irish jig the artist's form around.
+
+  "'Ye spalpeen,' thus again he spoke, 'ye most obnoxious fellow!
+   Ye see that I'm a lion, yet ye've made me a gorilla;
+   If your Saxon eyes are blinded to the truth of what I say,
+   Go and borrow for a moment the glasses of Tay Pay.
+
+  "'They will show ye that our seventy are Apollos one and all,
+   That we're most divinely lovely an' seraphically tall;
+   They will show ye we're all angels--though for divils I'll allow,
+   'Tis the black ones ye'll be seeing where the lost to Redmond bow.'
+
+  "Then Misther Swift MacNeill, just to lave his meaning clear,
+   Wid flowers of Irish eloquence filled Mr. Furniss' ear;
+   An' he also shook wid passion, an', moreover, shook his fist,
+   An' the Docther an' his blackthorn stood all ready to assist.
+
+  "Misther Furniss smiled serenely, an' the only word he spoke
+   Was to say it seemed that Misther Swift was slow to see a joke,
+   But for all his jokes an' blarney, things were looking like a fight,
+   When a minion of the Spayker was seen to be in sight.
+
+  "Then Apollo Swift MacNeill from his dignity got down,
+   An' he withered Misther Furniss wid a godlike parting frown,
+   An' he stalked along the Lobby wid his grand O'Tarquin stride,
+   An' the other Mimbers followed him, an' went the House inside.
+
+  "An' there they still are threading on the necks of Saxon slaves,
+   An' nightly wid their eloquence they're digging Saxon graves;
+   An' my counsel to the artist who their fatures would porthray,
+   Is to thry and see their beauty through the glasses of Tay Pay."
+
+This manufactured "scene," coming as it did in the silly season, was
+made to serve instead of the Sea-Serpent, the Toad-in-the-Rock, the
+Shower of Frogs, and other familiar inventions for holiday reading.
+Unfortunately the poor Members of Parliament obliged to remain in St.
+Stephen's had to suffer far more than I did through the eccentricity of
+Mr. Swift MacNeill. Several of them complained to me that he lured them
+into the corridors and corners of the House, and then vigorously set to
+work to demonstrate practically how he assaulted me, or how he imagined
+he assaulted me, to the discomfiture and consternation of the poor
+M.P's.
+
+[Illustration: JOHN BURNS.]
+
+I should like to explain why this "technical assault" on me was not made
+a matter of discussion. I did intend a friendly Member should have
+brought it before the Speaker, and in that way published the truth of
+the matter and exposed the stupid inventions of Burns & Co. With that
+object I had an interview with the Speaker, and he implored me not under
+any circumstances to have it brought before the House. He was already
+tired, at the end of a trying session, and did not want any personal
+questions discussed, which invariably led to protracted scenes. For that
+reason, and for that reason only, it was not mentioned in Parliament,
+notwithstanding it was really a much more serious affair than was
+imagined. It was a deliberately organised conspiracy. When I was leaving
+the Lobby, after my amusing interview with Mr. MacNeill, in which he
+told me that I was "technically assaulted," Chief Inspector Horsley took
+me down a private passage, and informed me that he had been looking for
+me, as he had discovered there was a conspiracy to attack me, and at
+that moment nine or ten Members from Ireland were in the passage
+downstairs, out of which I would have in the ordinary course gone
+through, lying in wait for me. So I left with him by another door.
+
+[Illustration: NOTE FROM SIR FRANK LOCKWOOD, AFTER READING THE BOGUS
+ACCOUNT OF THE "ASSAULT."]
+
+In this I was not more to blame than other caricaturists, but I was more
+in evidence, and was selected to be "technically assaulted," so as to
+force me to bring an action, in which all papers, except those
+supporting the Irish Party, would have been attacked and discussed, and
+their influence if possible injured for purely political purposes. An
+aggrieved person, smarting under a gross injustice, does not
+"technically assault" the aggressor. Had Mr. McNeill tried it on with
+me, weak and ill as I was, I think I had enough power to oblige him; as
+it happened, I only saw the humour of the thing.
+
+[Illustration: LETTER SUPPOSED TO COME FROM LORD CROSS. (LOCKWOOD'S
+JOKE.)]
+
+One of the most amusing sketches I received was this from Sir Frank
+Lockwood. Lockwood and I frequently exchanged caricatures, as shown by
+the clever sketches I introduce here and there in these pages. Sometimes
+he sent me some chaffing note written in a disguised hand, and disguised
+drawing; but the latter experiment, although it failed to deceive,
+certainly entertained me greatly. Here is a letter supposed to be from
+Lord Cross, a favourite subject of mine when he was in the Lower House.
+Seldom a week passed but I made his nose shorter and his upper lip
+longer, made his head stick out, and his spectacles glisten. Did he
+object? No, no! "Grand Cross" is a man of the world; nor was he ever a
+mere notoriety-seeking political adventurer. I once met him at dinner,
+and we chatted over my caricatures of him, and I recollect his saying,
+"A man is not worth anything if he is thin-skinned, and certainly not
+worth much if he cannot enjoy a joke at his own expense."
+
+Sir Frank Lockwood whiled away the weary hours in Parliament to his own
+amusement and those around him, but he was not aware perhaps that what
+he did was seen from the Ladies' Gallery. The ladies got a birdseye view
+of his caricatures in progress. One in particular was the cause of much
+amusement, not only to the ladies, but to the Members. My lady informant
+related the incident to me thus: "I always watch Mr. Lockwood sketching,
+and I saw he had his eye on the burly figure of a friend of mine sitting
+on the Ministerial bench. Mr. Gladstone turned round to say something to
+him, and his quick eye detected Mr. Lockwood sketching. The artistic
+Q.C. handed the sketch (which I saw was a caricature of the late Lord
+Advocate) to Mr. Gladstone, who fairly doubled up with laughter, and
+handed it to those on either side of him. Eventually it was sent over to
+Mr. MacDonald and Mr. Balfour, and they thoroughly enjoyed the
+caricature of themselves, as did all their Tory friends. But _we_ had
+seen it first!" It may have been this sketch subsequently sent to me and
+redrawn in _Punch_.
+
+I recall an incident which happened one evening when I was on watch in
+the Inner Lobby to find and sketch a newly-elected M.P., who, I heard,
+was about to make his maiden speech, and it was most important I should
+catch him. Just as I was going up to the Press Gallery, Sir Frank
+Lockwood came into the Lobby and offered to get me a seat under the
+Gallery where I could see the new M.P. to advantage. The new M.P. was
+"up," so Lockwood went into the House to fetch me the Sergeant's order.
+I waited impatiently for his return; a long time passed; still I waited.
+A smiling Member came out of the House, and I asked him if he had seen
+Lockwood. "Oh, rather," he replied, smiling still; "I've just been
+sitting by him, watching him make a capital caricature of a chap making
+his maiden speech." When the Member had finished his speech, Lockwood
+ran out, and cheeringly apologised to me for his absent-mindedness. "So
+tempting, you know, old chap, I couldn't resist sketching him!"
+
+Sir Frank Lockwood was perhaps the most favourable modern specimen of
+the buoyant amateur. Possessing a big heart, kindly feeling, a brilliant
+wit, and a facile pen, he treated art as his playfellow and never as his
+master. And in the spirit in which his work was executed so must it be
+judged. The work of an amateur artist possessing a distinct vein of
+humour is, in my opinion, far more entertaining than that of the
+professional caricaturist, the former being absolutely spontaneous and
+untrammelled by the conscientiousness of subsequent publication, of
+correct draughtsmanship, made only from impressions of the moment, and
+not the effort (as in the case of many a professional humorist) of
+having to be funny to order.
+
+An excellent example of the amateur at his best is to be found in the
+drawings of Sir Frank Lockwood. No one would resent less than Lockwood
+himself having the term "amateur" applied to his work; indeed, he would,
+I am sure, have felt proud to be classed in the same category as several
+of our most popular humorous artists.
+
+[Illustration: SIR F. LOCKWOOD.]
+
+Circumstances connected with a curious coincidence concerning a
+caricature (what alliteration!) are worth confirming.
+
+One morning I was taking my usual horse exercise round the ride in the
+inner circle of Regent's Park, before that spot, once the quiet haunt of
+the horseman, became the noisy ring of the cyclist. At that time a few
+cycling beginners used the circle for practice, and their alarming
+performances were gradually depleting the number of equestrians. One of
+these novices came down the hill, having an arm round the neck of his
+instructor, and one leg on the pedal, the other in mid air. He was
+unable to steer the machine, and as I cantered up, the performer's hat,
+which had been over one eye, fell off, disclosing the features of
+Professor Bryce. The next moment the machine, its rider and his
+instructor, were "all of a heap" on the ride up which my horse was
+cantering. I had just time to jump my horse on to the path and thus
+save my own neck, and the life of the energetic Member of Parliament,
+who I noticed later in the day, when sitting in the Press Gallery, was
+on the front Opposition bench, next to Sir Frank Lockwood, quite
+unconcerned. I made a rough sketch of the incident of the morning, and
+sent it down to my brother Two Pins, Sir Frank, with a request that his
+friend Bryce should in future select some other spot to practise
+bicycling. This was handed to Lockwood just as he was leaving the House,
+strange to say, on his way home to dress for a dinner at Professor
+Bryce's. Lockwood mischievously placed the sketch in the pocket of his
+dress coat, and at the dinner led up to the subject of cycling,
+suggesting at the same time that his host ought to try it.
+
+"Well, strange to say, Lockwood, I've been seriously thinking of it, but
+I don't know how one should begin."
+
+"Don't you?" cried Lockwood from the other end of the table. "What do
+you say to this, nearly killing my friend Harry Furniss!" And my
+caricature was produced and handed down from guest to guest, to the
+chagrin of the host. That was Lockwood's version of the coincidence.
+
+[Illustration: LEWIS CARROLL'S SUGGESTION, AND MY SKETCH OF IT IN
+_PUNCH_.]
+
+Suggestions for _Punch_ came to me from most unexpected quarters, but
+were rarely of any use. Lewis Carroll--like every one else--got excited
+over the Gladstonian crisis, and Sir William Harcourt's head to Lewis
+Carroll was much the same as Charles the First's to Mr. Dick in "David
+Copperfield," for I find in several letters references to Sir William.
+
+  "_Re_ Gladstone's head and its recent growth, couldn't you make a
+  picture of it for the 'Essence of Parliament'? I would call it 'Toby's
+  Dream of A.D. 1900,' and have Gladstone addressing the House, with his
+  enormous head supported by Harcourt on one side, and Parnell on the
+  other."
+
+This suggestion is the only one I adopted. Strange to say, neither
+Gladstone, Parnell, nor Lewis Carroll lived to see 1900.
+
+  "Is that anecdote in the papers _true_, that some one has sent you a
+  pebble with an accidental (and not a 'doctored') likeness of Harcourt?
+  If so, let me suggest that your most _graceful_ course of action will be
+  to have it photographed, and to present prints of it to any authors
+  whose books you may at any time chance to illustrate!"
+
+This is the "anecdote":
+
+  "Someone found on the seashore the other day a pebble moulded exactly on
+  the lines of Mr. Furniss' portrait of Sir William Harcourt."
+
+Other notices were in verse. This from _Vanity Fair_ is the best:
+
+     "For Fame, 'tis said, Sir William craves,
+        And to some purpose he has sought her;
+      His face is fashioned by the waves:
+        When will his name be 'writ in water'?"
+
+I lay under a charge of plagiarism. Nature had "invented" my Harcourt
+portrait, and had been at work upon it probably before I was born; the
+wild waves had by degrees moulded a shell into the familiar features,
+and when completed had left the sea-sculptured sketch high and dry on
+the coast. I now publish, with thanks, a photo-reproduction of the shell
+(not a pebble) as I received it: it is not in any way "doctored." It is
+a large, weather-beaten shell.
+
+[Illustration: NATURE'S PUZZLE PORTRAIT.]
+
+There is no doubt but that at one time Lewis Carroll studied _Punch_,
+for in one of his earliest letters to me he writes:
+
+  "To the best of my recollection, one of the first things that suggested
+  to me the wish to secure your help was a marvellously successful picture
+  in _Punch_ of a House of Lords entirely composed of Harcourts, where the
+  figures took all possible attitudes, and gave all possible views of the
+  face; yet each was a quite unmistakable Sir William Harcourt!"
+
+Again he refers to _Punch_ (March, 1890):
+
+  "A wish has been expressed in our Common Room (Christ's Church, Oxford),
+  where we take in and bind _Punch_, that we could have 'keys' to the
+  portraits in the Bishop of Lincoln's Trial and the 'ciphers' in
+  Parliament" (a Parliamentary design of mine, "The House all Sixes and
+  Sevens"). "Will you confer that favour on our Club? If you would give me
+  them done roughly, I will procure copies of those two numbers, and
+  subscribe the names in small MS. print, and have the pages bound in to
+  face the pictures. The simplest way would be for you to put numbers on
+  the faces, and send a list of names numbered to correspond."
+
+Yet a few years brought a change (October, 1894):
+
+  "No doubt it is by your direction that three numbers of your new
+  periodical have come to me. With many thanks for your kind thought, I
+  will beg you not to waste your bounties on so unfit a recipient, for I
+  have neither time nor taste for any such literature. I have much more
+  work yet to do than I am likely to have life to do it in--and my taste
+  for comic papers is _defunct_. We take in _Punch_ in our Common Room,
+  but I never look at it!"
+
+Hardly a generous remark to make to a _Punch_ man who had illustrated
+two of his books, and considering that Sir John Tenniel had done so much
+to make the author's reputation, and _Punch_ had always been so
+friendly; but this is a bygone.
+
+
+                              PUNCH AT PLAY.
+
+[Illustration: W]
+
+Well, Sir John, the Grand Old Man of _Punch_, the evergreen, the
+ever-delightful Sir John, has earned a night's repose after all his long
+day of glorious work and good-fellowship. "A great artist and a great
+gentleman": truer words were never spoken. It seems but yesterday he and
+I took our rides together; but yesterday he and I and poor
+Milliken--three _Punch_ men in a boat--were "squaring up" at Cookham
+after a week's delightful boating holiday on the Thames.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    "There sat three oarsmen under a tree,
+       Down, a-down, a-down--hey down!
+     They were as puzzled as puzzled could be,
+              With a down;
+     And one of them said to his mate,
+     'We've got these mems in a doose of a state,'
+       With a down derry, derry down!
+
+    "Oh, they were wild, these oarsmen three,
+       Down, a-down, a-down--hey down!
+     Especially one with the white puggree,
+               With a down;
+     For it's precious hard to divide by three
+     A sum on whose total you can't agree,
+       With a down derry, derry down!
+
+    "They bit their pencils and tore their hair,
+       Down, a-down, a-down--hey down!
+     But those blessed bills, they wouldn't come square,
+              With a down;
+     'Midst muddle and smudge it is hard to fix
+     If a six is a nine or a nine is a six,
+       With a down derry, derry down!
+
+    "A crumpled account from a pocket of flannel
+       Down, a-down, a-down--hey down!
+     With dirt in dabs, and the rain in a channel,
+               With a down,
+     Is worse to decipher than uniform text,
+     Oh, that is the verdict of oarsmen vext,
+       With a down derry, derry down!
+
+    "A man in a boat his ease will take,
+       Down, a-down, a-down--hey down!
+     But financial conscience at last will wake,
+              With a down;
+     Then Nemesis proddeth the prodigal soul
+     When he finds that the parts are much more than the whole,
+       With a down derry, derry down!
+
+    "Those oarsmen are having a deuce of a time,
+       Down, a-down, a-down--hey down!
+     The man in the puggree is ripe for crime,
+             With a down.
+     Now heaven send every boating man
+     For keeping accounts a more excellent plan,
+       With a down derry, derry down!"
+
+So pencilled poet Milliken. "The man in the puggree" is Sir John,--ripe
+for many years to come, and when he has another banquet, may I be there
+to see.
+
+_The Two Pins Club_ was a _Punch_ institution.
+
+Original notice of
+
+                       "THE TWO PINS CLUB.
+
+  "There are Coaching Clubs, Four-in-hand Clubs, Tandem Clubs, and
+  Sporting Clubs of all sorts, but there is no _Equestrian Club_.
+
+  "The object of the present proposed Club is to supply this want.
+
+  "The Members will meet on Sundays, and ride to some place within
+  easy reach of town: there lunch, spend a few hours, and return.
+
+  "Due notice will be given of each 'Meet,' and replies must be sent in to
+  the Secretary by Wednesday afternoon at latest. When it is considered
+  necessary, Luncheon will be ordered beforehand for the party, and those
+  who have neglected to reply by the time fixed, and who do not attend the
+  Meet, will be charged with their share of the Luncheon.
+
+  "There will be other Meets besides those on Sundays, which will be
+  arranged by the Members from time to time.
+
+  "The title of the Club is taken from the names of the two most celebrated
+  English Equestrians known to 'the road,' viz.:--
+
+                     "'DICK TURPIN'
+
+                           AND
+
+                     "'JOHN GILPIN.'
+
+  "The Members of 'THE TWO PINS' will represent all the dash of the one
+  and all the respectability of the other.
+
+  "The original Members at present are:--
+
+                  MR. F. C. BURNAND.
+                  MR. JOHN TENNIEL.
+                  MR. LINLEY SAMBOURNE.
+                  MR. HARRY FURNISS.
+                  MR. R. LEHMANN.
+
+  "It is not proposed at first to exceed the number of twelve. The other
+  names down for invitation to become members are--
+
+              MR. FRANK LOCKWOOD, Q.C., M.P.
+              MR. JOHN HARE.[3]
+              SIR CHARLES RUSSELL, Q.C., M.P.
+
+  "We hope you will join. The eight Members can then settle a convenient
+  day for the first Meet, and inaugurate the TWO PINS CLUB.
+
+                 [3] "N.B. No hounds."
+
+[Illustration: LORD RUSSELL'S ACCEPTANCE TO DINE WITH ME.]
+
+The Two Pins Club was started in 1890, and flourished until its
+President, Lord Russell, was elevated to the Bench. My only claim for
+distinction in connection with it rests on the fact that I was the only
+member who, except when I was in mid-Atlantic on my return from the
+States, never missed a meet. Were the Club now a going concern, I would,
+of course, refrain from mentioning it, but as it is referred to in the
+"History of _Punch_" by Mr. Spielmann, and in "John Hare, Comedian," by
+Mr. Pemberton, I may be pardoned and also forgiven for repeating the one
+joke ever made public in connection with this remarkable Club.
+
+One afternoon our cavalcade was approaching Weybridge, which had been
+the scene of the boyish pranks of one of our members. To the amusement
+of us all, this brother Two Pins, as reminiscences of the district were
+recalled to him by one object and another, grew terribly excited.
+
+"Ah, my boys, there is the dear old oak tree under which I smoked my
+first cigarette! And there, where the new church stands, I shot my first
+snipe. Dear me, how all is altered! I wonder if old Sir Henry Tomkins
+still lives in the Lodge there, and what has become of the Rector's
+pretty daughter?" etc.
+
+Sir Frank Lockwood, observing lettering on the side of a house, "General
+Stores," casually asked our excited reminiscent friend if he "knew a
+General Stores about these parts?"
+
+"General Stores! Of course I do, but he was only a Captain when I lived
+here!"
+
+When the members lunched at The Durdans our host and honorary member,
+Lord Rosebery, remarked that it was a Club of "one joke and one horse!"
+the fact being that we all drove over from Tadworth, Lord Russell's
+residence, where we were staying, with the exception of Lord Russell
+himself, who rode. We had, of course, each a horse: some of the members
+a great deal more than one, but we were careful to trot out one joke
+between us: "General Stores" became our general and only story.
+
+The first public announcement respecting the Club appeared in the _Daily
+Telegraph_, the 4th of May, 1891:
+
+"The T.P.C. held its first annual meeting at the 'Star and Garter Hotel'
+yesterday morning. There was a full attendance of members. Under the
+careful and conciliatory guidance of the President, Sir Charles Russell,
+supported mainly by Mr. F. C. Burnand, Mr. Frank Lockwood, Mr. Harry
+Furniss, Mr. Edward Lawson, Mr. Charles Mathews, Mr. John Hare, Mr.
+Linley Sambourne, and Mr. R. Lehmann (hon. sec.), the customary
+business was satisfactorily transacted, and the principal subjects for
+discussion were dealt with in a spirit of intelligent self-control. Mr.
+Arthur Russell was unanimously elected a member of the association,
+which in point of numbers is now complete."
+
+[Illustration: _This sketch is a propos of Mr. Linley Sambourne's
+portrait in "Vanity Fair." Note refers to his being made
+Solicitor-General._]
+
+[Illustration]
+
+But the object of the Club being carefully concealed, much mystery
+surrounds its name. Few were aware that it was merely a band of
+"Sontag-Reiters." Our hon. sec., being at the time prominent in
+politics, received congratulations from those who imagined the T.P.C.
+was a political association, and much wonderment was excited by the
+decidedly enigmatical appellation of the small and select society. Sir
+Edward Lawson showed marked ingenuity in retaining the mystery by his
+paragraphs in his paper. The first meet of our second season was the
+only one I missed during the years the Club existed:
+
+"The first meeting of the T.P.C. for the season of 1892 took place
+yesterday at the 'Star and Garter Hotel,' under the presidency of Sir
+Charles Russell, who was assisted in the performance of his duties by
+Mr. Frank Lockwood, Mr. Linley Sambourne, Mr. Edward Lawson, and Mr C.
+W. Mathews. The arrangements for the season were completed, and a digest
+was made of the subjects which claimed the immediate consideration of
+the members. The President called attention to a delay which had
+occurred in the fulfilment of certain artistic duties which had been
+entrusted to Mr. Harry Furniss and Mr. Linley Sambourne, and which had
+been retarded in their accomplishment by Mr. Furniss' voyage to America.
+But it was understood that immediate attention would now be bestowed
+upon the work in hand; and the remainder of the business was of a
+routine character."
+
+[Illustration: MR. LINLEY SAMBOURNE.]
+
+The "artistic duties" referred to, I have no recollection of, but I know
+that at our preliminary meeting, when all matters, artistic and
+otherwise, were discussed and arranged, the two following important
+resolutions were proposed, seconded, and carried unanimously:--
+
+  "That Mr. Rudolph Lehmann be elected Permanent Secretary, and that the
+  duty of sending out all notices convening the Meets of the T.P.C., as
+  well as all arrangements connected with the Club, be entrusted to him;
+  and that every notice of meeting be posted and prepaid by him eight
+  lunar, or at least three calendar, days before the date of each Meet;
+  and further, that records in a neat and clerkly style of each and every
+  Meet be faithfully kept by the said Secretary, and be at all times open
+  for the inspection of each and every member of the T.P.C."
+
+  "That Mr. Linley Sambourne shall provide at his own expense the
+  notepaper and envelopes required for the business of the Club, and shall
+  invent and draw a design, which design, also at his own expense, he
+  shall cause to be stamped or otherwise engraved on the said notepaper
+  and envelopes, and shall cause the said notepaper so stamped or
+  engraved to be forwarded to the Perpetual President, the Permanent
+  Secretary, and the other members, for use in connection only with the
+  business of the Club."
+
+  "It was further resolved that all maps and charts be kept at the
+  Secretary's Office, and in the event of any dispute, the Ordnance Map or
+  the Admiralty Chart shall be decisive."
+
+
+But during the existence of the Club there never was any cause to refer
+to an Ordnance Map or Admiralty Chart. There never was a Secretary's
+Office, nor did Mr. Linley Sambourne either design or provide the
+notepaper or envelopes, nor are there any records in existence, either
+printed or written "in a neat and clerkly style," of the merry meetings
+of this unique Club. It ran its delightful and dangerous course, its
+wild career, unmarred by any dispute or accident. The last "meet" was to
+dine Lord Russell on his elevation to the Bench.
+
+[Illustration: PORTRAIT OF ME AS A MEMBER OF THE TWO PINS CLUB, BY
+LINLEY SAMBOURNE.]
+
+I shall never forget the first occasion on which I saw the late Lord
+Russell. It was in the old days when the Law Courts were in
+Westminster,--and I, in search of "character," strangely enough found
+myself wandering about the Divorce Court, where so many characters are
+lost. It was a _cause celebre_,--the divorce suit of a most
+distinguished Presbyterian cleric who charged his wife, the
+co-respondent being the stable-boy. Russell (then plain Mr.) was for the
+clergyman, and when I entered the crowded court, he was in the midst of
+his appeal to the jury, working himself up to a pitch of eloquence,
+appealing to all to look upon the saintly figure of the man of prayer
+(the plaintiff, who was playing the part by kneeling and clasping his
+hands), and asking the jury to scorn all idea of his client having any
+desire to free himself of his wife so as to marry his pretty governess,
+or cousin, or whomever it was suggested he most particularly admired.
+Russell had arrived at quoting Scripture,--he was at his best, austere,
+eloquent, persuasive, an orator, a gentleman, a great advocate, and as
+sanctimonious as his kneeling client.
+
+[Illustration: THE LATE LORD RUSSELL, THE PRESIDENT OF THE TWO PINS
+CLUB.]
+
+He was interrupted by someone handing him a telegram. As he opened it he
+said, waving it towards his client, "This may be a message from Heaven
+to that saint,--ah, gentlemen of the jury, the words so
+pure--so--so----" (he reads the telegram).
+
+"D----! D----! D----!" He crushed the telegram in his hand, and with an
+angry gesture threw it away. Although his words were drowned by the
+"laughter in Court," his gestures and face showed his chagrin and
+disgust. The Grand National had been run half-an-hour before.
+
+Years afterwards, on his own lawn at Tadworth, I told him of this
+incident, and asked him what the contents of that telegram were. He
+declared I was wrong, such an incident never occurred in his career. I
+convinced him I was right--it was the first time I saw him, and every
+detail was vividly impressed upon my memory. After dinner he came to me
+and said, "Furniss, I have been thinking over that incident. You are
+quite right--it has all come back to me. I lost my temper, I recollect,
+because I had wired to my boy over there to make a bet for me on an
+outsider at a long price; when at lunch, I heard the horse had won. I
+was delighted, and therefore at my best when I addressed the jury. The
+telegram was from my boy to say that he forgot to put the money on!"
+
+Riding has caused my appearance in a Police Court, but not as a member
+of the Two Pins Club. In October, 1895, I was returning from my usual
+ride before breakfast, accompanied by my little daughter; we turned into
+the terrace in which we live, and our horses cantered up the hill about
+120 yards. As we were dismounting, a Police Inspector passed, addressing
+me by name, and in a most offensive tone declared that he would summon
+me, as I had been cautioned before for furious riding. This remark was
+so absolutely untrue that I met the summons, and the Inspector in the
+Court made three distinct statements on oath: That I spurred my horse
+(when cross-examined by me, he gave a minute description of my spurs);
+that I charged up the hill 250 yards at the rate of sixteen miles an
+hour; and that I had been cautioned before for the same thing. Now, I
+have never been cautioned in my life; the distance I went up the hill is
+120 yards, and no horse could get up any pace in that distance; and I do
+not wear spurs, although two constables swore I did.
+
+The magistrate, face to face with these three facts, looked the picture
+of misery. It was evident to him, as it must be evident to every
+fair-minded man, that the police were in the wrong. And when the
+magistrate was thinking out this dilemma, I made a fatal mistake. I gave
+my reason for appearing as a sacrifice on my part to show the magistrate
+the sort of evidence upon which poor cabmen and others are fined and
+made to suffer. The magistrate, Mr. Plowden, waxed very wroth, and as he
+could not punish me, and would not reprimand the police, I was asked to
+pay the costs of the summons, which was withdrawn. The late Mr. Montagu
+Williams, who sat in the Marylebone Police Court, the court in which I
+was charged with furious riding, gave it as his private opinion that the
+longer a policeman was in the service the less he could rely upon his
+word.
+
+[Illustration: "FURIOUS RIDING." SKETCH BY F. C. GOULD.
+               _From the "Westminster Gazette._"]
+
+This case led to all sorts of trouble. I was assailed by people in the
+street, strangers to me, for "riding over children." Letters came from
+all sorts of societies--Cruelty to Animals, and other excellent
+institutions. I found people measuring the terrace; others riding up it
+to see if it were possible to get the pace (which it is not), but few
+knew the truth. The constable when I left the court remarked to me,
+"I'll tache ye to caricature Oirishmen in Parleymint!" However, I was
+repaid by the humour the incident gave rise to in the imagination of my
+brother workers on the Press. Mr. F. C. Gould made this capital sketch,
+and others portrayed my crime in verse. The following was written to me
+by one of London's most celebrated editors, and has never been published
+before:
+
+      "H. Furniss was an artist gent
+         Of credit and renown,
+       Who'd ride a horse up Primrose Hill
+         With any man in town.
+
+      "The morn was fine as morn could be
+         Upon last Thursday week,
+       And, like the early morn, H. F.
+         Was up before the beak.
+
+      "(Full little dreamed that worthy cit,
+         Some dozen mornings hence
+       He would be 'up before the beak'
+         In quite another sense.)
+
+      "Upon two tits of pranksome mood,
+         The gallant Lika Joko
+       And Likajokalina rode,
+         'Desipere in loco.'
+
+      "'Cantare pares' rode the pair,
+         Ad equitatum nati,'
+       But to a bobby's summons not
+         'Respondere parati.'
+
+      "So 'appy rode the blithesome pair,
+         They scoured the hill and plain,
+       And warming with their morning's work,
+         Rode hotly home again.
+
+      "But by the slope of Primrose Hill
+         The rude Inspector Ross
+       Beheld H. Furniss canter up
+         Upon his foaming hoss.
+
+      "'Look 'ere, young man,' says he to him,
+         'There are some children dear
+       That by the ridin' of you folk
+         Do go in bod'ly fear.
+
+      "'Your hasting steed pull up, I say!
+         S'welp me, draw your rein!
+       The innocents abroad, young man,
+         Are frightened by you twain.
+
+      "'Look at yer smokin' job 'oss 'ere--
+         I seen you job 'is flank!
+       'E's well nigh done--tyke 'im away,
+         And back upon the rank.'
+
+      "H. Furniss fixed him with his eye;
+         His brow was awful cross;
+       He Kyrled his lip contemptuous-like
+         At this rude man of Ross.
+
+      "'The spirit of my gallant cob,
+         Ruffian, you shall not squelch;
+       I ride nor Scotch nor Irish hot,
+         But Furniss-heated Welsh.
+
+      "'Mine and my daughter's gentle pace
+         Could not affright a foundling;
+       Be off, and peep down areas, or
+         Move on some harmless groundling!'
+
+      "The Inspector glared: 'Come, Mr. F.,
+         We can't stand this no longer;
+       I summons you to Marylebone'--
+         (He muttered something stronger).
+
+       *     *     *     *     *
+
+      "Good Mr. Plowden heard the charge,
+         As two policemen swore it;
+       Then heard H. Furniss' defence,
+         And sagely pondered o'er it.
+
+      "'The Inspector swears you galloped up;
+         You swear you merely trotted:
+       My own opinion in this case
+         Is, as usual, Gordian-knotted.
+
+      "'Now Gordian knots were tied to be
+         By magistrates divided;
+       We cut them--and the severed ends
+         Do much as once the tied did.
+
+      "'In this case, add the paces up,
+         And then divide by two:
+       A canter is the quotient;
+         I think that that should do.
+
+      "'A sound decision that will please
+         Both parties this I trust is;
+       It is a fine distinction, but
+         Avoids the fires of justice.
+
+      "'You, Mr. Furniss, must disburse
+         Two bob costs to my till,
+       And promise me to try no more
+         Primrose babes to kill.
+
+      "'And all in Court, take warning by
+         The furious Canterer's fate,
+       And go not up the Primrose path
+         At such an awful rate.
+
+      "'But if your sluggish livers you
+         Must vigorously shake,
+       "Vigor's Horse Exercise at Home"
+         (Vide Prospectus) take.'"
+
+
+As a matter of fact, the magistrate did not look at the charge-sheet,
+or know me, or catch my name, or he might have made
+his usual joke at my expense in another way.
+
+[Illustration: MY PORTRAIT, BY F. C. BURNAND.]
+
+Mr. Burnand and I rode a great deal together. Avoiding the Row, my
+editor preferred to ride to Hampstead, Harrow, or Mill Hill, calling for
+me on the way. Once, when I could not ride, he wrote: "Very sorry to
+hear of your being laid up with a cold; it shows what even the Wisest
+and Best amongst us are liable to. The idea is monstrous of a _Cold
+Furniss_. A _coal'd_ furniss is satisfactory. Don't take too much out of
+yourself with riding. 'He speaks to thee who hath not got a
+horse'--Shakespeare." Then follows later a specimen of his irrepressible
+good humour:
+
+                                                      _22 Nov._
+
+              "Alas and alack!
+              I've got a hack,
+          But the weather's been such,
+              I've not got on his back.
+
+              "I got no jog
+              Because of the fog,
+                And up to twelve,
+                  In breeches and boots,
+                Which I had to shelve
+                  And recover my foots.
+              I lunched at the 'G'
+              (So there was, you see,
+              One _Gee_ for me).
+
+              "Then I came back
+                And wrote some play
+              But oh, good lack!
+                No riding to-day.
+              If foggy here,
+              At Ramsgate 'twas clear.
+
+              "Alas and alack!
+              I'll sell my hack,
+                Much to my sorrow.
+                I'll ride to-morrow,
+              That is, if fine,
+              But not at nine.
+          I shall not start, if I'm alive
+          And have the heart, till ten forty-five.
+
+              "Away to parks I'll trot
+              To get a little hot,
+              Also to get a little dirty,
+              And with you be 11.30.
+
+              "Till one,
+              Then done.
+                Back to Lunch,
+                Then to Office of _Punch_.
+          This my plan, you'll be happy to learn, is
+          At your disposal, Mr. Furniss."
+
+But excursions in search of material my editor and I had to do on foot,
+and were not so pleasing; still, Mr. Burnand always managed to have his
+little joke in all circumstances.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+One day he and I were "doing" the picture shows in the interests of Mr.
+Punch. At one o'clock, feeling jaded and tired, a retreat to the Garrick
+Club to lunch was suggested. "Happy thought!" said my editor. "Better
+still, here is an invitation for two to the Exhibition of French Cookery
+at Willis's Rooms. Capital lunch there, I should think." So off we went,
+anticipating a _recherche_ lunch. Fancy our chagrin on arrival to find
+cooks galore, discussing their art, but, alas! their art, like the high
+art of the Masters of the Brush in our National Gallery, was all under
+glass! Aggravatingly appetising, but absolutely uninteresting to the two
+hungry art critics. We soon were in a cab and at the Garrick. As we
+pulled up, the greatest _gourmet_ of the Club, that clever actor, Arthur
+Cecil, greeted us:
+
+"Hallo, Frank, where have you two come from?"
+
+"Oh, Arthur, _such_ luck! Furniss and I have just had the most
+_recherche_ lunch you could imagine."
+
+"H'm--hullo--h'm--where? The deuce you have! Lucky dogs! Eh, what was it
+like?"
+
+"Oh, you can see it for yourself; it's going on now at the French
+Cookery Exhibition in Willis's Rooms. Special invitation--ah, here's a
+ticket."
+
+"Thanks, old chap! what a treat! I'm off there! No, no; you fellows
+mustn't pay the cab--I'll do that. Here, driver--Willis's Rooms--look
+sharp!"
+
+Arthur Cecil undoubtedly was a quaint fellow and a clever actor, but he
+had an insatiable appetite. One would never have thought so, judging
+from appearance: his clever, clean-cut face, his small, thin figure,
+together with the little hand-bag he always carried, rather suggested a
+lawyer or a clergyman. His eccentricity was a combination of
+absent-mindedness and irritability. The latter failing, he told me,
+would at times take complete control of him: for instance, he had to
+leave a train before his journey was completed, as he felt it impossible
+to sit in the carriage and look at the alarm bell without pulling it. I
+have watched him seated in the smoking-room of the club we both
+attended, in which the star-light in the centre of the ceiling was
+shaded by a rather primitive screen of stretched tissue paper, gazing at
+it for half-an-hour at a time, and eventually taking all the coins out
+of his pocket to throw them one after another at the immediate object of
+his irritation. He frequently succeeded in penetrating the screen, the
+coins remaining on the top of it, to the delight of the astonished
+waiters.
+
+His eccentricity--perhaps I ought to say in this case his
+absent-mindedness--is illustrated by an incident which happened on the
+morning of the funeral of a great friend of his. As Cecil (his real name
+was Blount) was having his bath, he was suddenly inspired with some idea
+for a song; so, pulling his sponge-bath into the adjoining sitting-room
+closer to the piano, he placed a chair in it, and sat down to try it
+over. A friend, rushing in to fetch him to the funeral, found him so
+seated, singing and playing, balancing the dripping sponge on the top of
+his head.
+
+
+                 THE CARICATURING OF PICTURES.
+
+[Illustration: THE PICTURE SHOWS.
+               _Design from "Punch."_]
+
+To feed upon one's own kind is a custom which, like so many other
+vestiges of a previous civilisation, seems in the present day to have a
+fair chance of revival. We have long had with us the City Cannibal, the
+Fleet Street Cannibal, the Dramatic, Literary and Musical Cannibals.
+Latterly the Society Cannibal has come more distinctly to the front.
+Then why, I long ago asked myself, should there not be the Cannibal of
+the etching pen and the brush? Especially as the writhing victims of
+those mighty instruments appear to be so enamoured of their fate as to
+besiege that comic slaughter-house, the studio of the caricaturist, and
+with persistent cries of "Eat us! eat us! Our turn next!" solicit the
+"favour of not being forgotten" in his next batch of "subjects."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+It may be a revelation to many of my readers, but I can assure them it
+is a fact, that it is only in very exceptional cases that artists object
+to having their pictures caricatured. Indeed, many of the leading
+painters have given me to understand that the omission of their work
+from my sketches would be anything but agreeable to them, although, when
+the desired travesties of their pictures appear, they may pretend to be
+highly indignant. There is one Royal Academician of my acquaintance who
+has so keen an appreciation of humour that he never loses an opportunity
+of giving me a hint when his magnifying glass has detected the slightest
+element of the grotesque in a fellow artist's work. And that most
+amiable of men, the late Frank Holl, could never refrain, when occasion
+offered, from directing my attention to the humorous points of his
+sitters, although I need hardly add that no trace of his having
+perceived them was ever apparent in any of his works. Do artists object?
+Well, in _Punch_, May, 1889, du Maurier touches this point:
+
+"What our artist (the awfully funny one) has to put up with: _Brown_: 'I
+say, look here! What the deuce do you mean by caricaturing my
+pictures--hay?' _Jones_: 'Yes, confound you! and _not caricaturing
+mine_!'"
+
+I have even known artists so anxious to be parodied that, if they
+happened to have a vein of humour in their pencils, they would actually
+send me caricatures of their own pictures. Even poor Fred Barnard once
+sent me an admirable sketch, caricaturing an excellent portrait of his
+three children which he had painted for the Royal Academy, where it duly
+appeared. Others less humorously imaginative perhaps have written to me
+assuring me of the great pleasure which would have been theirs had they
+themselves conceived the idea which my caricature of their work
+supplied.
+
+Although, however, there are so few artists who object to having their
+pictures caricatured, there is, of course, another side to the question.
+It is indeed most true that nothing kills like ridicule, and in the
+course of my experience I have found it is just as easy unconsciously to
+inflict an injury with my pen and Indian ink as it is to do good. Let us
+suppose, for instance, that a great painter has just finished a very
+sentimental work--a picture so brimful of beauty and pathos that it
+appeals to everybody, myself included. As I stand before it, and admire,
+it is impossible perhaps for me to restrain a sympathetic tear from
+making its appearance in, at all events, one of my eyes. But how about
+the other? Ah! with regard to that other eye, I must confess it is very
+differently employed, and, superior to my control, is searching the
+canvas high and low for that "something ridiculous" which, except in the
+case of the very greatest masters, is always there. Now what ensues? The
+purchaser of that picture, who, mark you, unlike myself, regarded it and
+admired it with _both_ of his eyes, congratulates himself upon its
+acquisition. I have known it for a fact, however--to my regret--that
+after the publication of the caricature the purchaser was never able to
+look at his picture again through his own glasses, and bitterly
+regretted his outlay.
+
+[Illustration: THE GREAT BACCARAT CASE. MY SKETCH IN PENCIL MADE IN
+COURT, AND CONGRATULATORY NOTE FROM THE EDITOR OF _PUNCH_.]
+
+An art publisher with whom I was acquainted agreed to pay a heavy sum
+for the copyright of a work of a well-known and popular painter, and
+after the caricature had appeared in _Punch_ he resolved to forego the
+publication of the engraving from it by which he had hoped to recoup his
+expenditure, because he considered that the sobriety of the work was so
+completely destroyed as to preclude the possibility of sale; and an
+eminent sculptor, who was responsible for a well-known statue which I
+caricatured some years ago when it appeared in the Royal Academy, has
+told me, since it was put up in the Metropolis, that he has actually
+meditated replacing it by another piece, owing to the ludicrous
+suggestion affixed to it.
+
+On the other hand, the caricature of an important work is sometimes
+received in the proper spirit. Here is a letter from Professor Herkomer,
+with reference to my caricature of the work of our greatest art genius,
+Alfred Gilbert, R.A.:
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Of course, the caricaturing of pictures has its seamy as well as its
+smooth side. Among the annoyances to which an artist engaged on this
+description of work is exposed I am inclined to give a prominent place
+to the fussy and vexatious regulations imposed upon him by the
+authorities at Burlington House. One would have supposed, for instance,
+that anyone like myself, who is well-known as merely taking notes for
+caricature, would have been allowed to consult his own convenience to
+some extent in making his sketches. But not a bit of it. The penalty is
+something too dreadful if you are found making the slightest note of a
+picture at the Royal Academy at any other time than on the one appointed
+day. The object of this regulation is, of course, to protect the
+copyright of the pictures--a very proper and legitimate precaution; but
+I submit that a better instance of the spirit of Red Tapeism which is so
+rampant at Burlington House, and which I am always endeavouring to
+expose, could not be adduced than the inability of the officials to
+discriminate between the accredited representative of a paper and the
+piratical sketcher who is taking notes for an illegitimate purpose. I
+need hardly say that this regulation is peculiar to the Royal Academy.
+At the Grosvenor Gallery, which, alas! is no more, the officials about
+the place understood these matters better, and at all times were pleased
+to give every facility to the representative of the Press. The polite
+secretary would give up his chair to me any day I liked to look in, and
+would often point out to me some comical feature in the surrounding
+canvases which his sly humour had detected.
+
+[Illustration: A PRISONER.]
+
+Equal praise must indeed be accorded to the management of the New
+Gallery and all the other Exhibitions with which I have been brought in
+contact in the course of my professional duties. Personally, as I have
+always made my notes at the Royal Academy on the authorised occasion, I
+have had nothing to fear from those who preside there. But my friend
+Linley Sambourne, who wished upon one occasion to caricature a picture
+of Burne-Jones' for a political cartoon in _Punch_ (of course altering
+the figures and indeed everything else, so as not in any way to trench
+upon the great artist's copyright) was dogged by a detective, arrested,
+and finally thrown into the darkest dungeon beneath the Burlington House
+moat! Protest was useless. What his terror must have been my pen fails
+to describe. Visions of the thumbscrew, the rack, and all the tortures
+conceivable rose in the fertile imagination of my colleague, and beads
+of perspiration made their appearance upon his massive brow. After weary
+hours, when lunch-time without the lunch had come and gone, and the
+pangs of hunger began to be added to his other miseries, when he was
+reflecting that his week's work for _Punch_ was yet unfinished, that the
+engravers would be in despair at not having it in time, and that at that
+moment his editor was probably telegraphing to him all over London and
+instituting a search for his person all over his club, suddenly the
+bolts of his prison-chamber were withdrawn and his gaoler, the
+blood-thirsty tyrant Red Tape, allowed the genial artist to return to
+the bosom of his wife and family--not, however, without leaving a
+hostage behind him. The sketch--the guilty sketch--the cause of all his
+troubles, was detained. In vain the harassed artist explained to his
+grim Cerberus that the work was wanted for the next week's issue of
+_Punch_, and although as a matter of fact it duly appeared at the
+appointed time, Mr. Sambourne had to trust to his memory instead of to
+the courtesy and common sense of Burlington House for the reproduction
+of his skit.
+
+I remember another incident which will serve to illustrate the trials
+and misfortunes of the caricaturist when pursuing his vocation outside
+the walls of his studio. It was the opening day of the New Gallery, and
+as I draw my sketches of the pictures with an ordinary pen and liquid
+Indian ink direct, and have them afterwards, like all my drawings,
+photographed on wood and engraved--of late years they are reproduced by
+process engraving--I was holding my bottle of ink and my sketch-book in
+one hand, while my pen was busy with the other. Upon arriving very early
+in the morning I thought I must have made a mistake, and that I had
+entered a manufactory of hats, for the hall was almost entirely taken up
+with hat-boxes. Upon enquiry, however, I learned that these merely
+contained the new hats in which the directors would, later on, receive
+their visitors. When the hall began to fill, and the fashionable crowd
+was pouring in, I was standing in the central lobby, sketching away with
+a will, when my friend Sir William Agnew, always early to arrive on such
+occasions, happened to come up and soon interested me in conversation
+about the genius of Millais and the beauties of Burne-Jones. In my
+energetic manner I was debating a matter of some little interest when my
+eye caught that of Mr. Comyns-Carr, who, with his newly-selected hat on,
+was standing close by and regarding me with an expression of
+indescribable horror. "What is the matter with Carr?" I observed to
+Agnew; "surely Sargent should be here and hand down that expression to
+posterity." But when I followed his eyes as they passed sternly from
+mine to the floor, my hat nearly sprang off my head at the sight which I
+beheld! Forgetting that I held the bottle of ink in the hand with which
+I had been suiting the action to the word in my animated harangue to Sir
+William, I had splashed the virgin marble on which we were standing in
+all directions with hideous stains of the blackest of liquids. In my
+consternation I did not stay to see the incongruous figure of the
+charwoman and bucket who was immediately introduced amid the _elite_ of
+fashionable London, but fled incontinently from the gallery and, rushing
+in where angels fear to tread, sought sanctuary in my accustomed haunt,
+the Gallery of the House of Commons. There at least I thought I should
+be safe. Presently, when I had somewhat recovered from my agitation, I
+was making my way out of the House when I encountered a friend in the
+Central Lobby. I was explaining to him the unfortunate _contretemps_
+which had occurred at the New Gallery, and utterly forgot that I still
+held the bottle of ink in my hand, and on the sacred floor we stood upon
+I had perpetrated the offence again!
+
+My only consolation for this chapter of accidents was that the
+particular ink in my bottle is different from the ordinary writing
+fluid, and leaves no stain behind it. It is in fact merely paint, and is
+innocent of gall. There are inks, as there are other forms of
+journalism, whose consequences are not so easily effaced or so harmless;
+but like the caricaturist's work itself, the material with which it is
+accomplished often looks blacker than it really is.
+
+[Illustration: ORIGINAL IDEA AS SENT TO ME.
+               MY DRAWING OF IT IN _PUNCH_.]
+
+Fortunately all this happened previous to the introduction of the ink I
+use now, known as _Waterproof_ ink--ink that will not _run_ when washed
+over with water. The manufacturers of this article sent me a specimen
+bottle to experiment with, and asked me for my opinion of it. In
+replying, I sent the following note. The sketch was touched in to amuse
+my youngest boy, who was puzzled by the meaning of Waterproof ink. The
+makers, in acknowledging the note, asked me to mention the sum I would
+accept if, with my permission, they used the note and sketch I sent as
+an advertisement. I replied that they were welcome to use my note, but
+that I could not accept payment. However I received in a few days a
+large parcel of artists' materials: paints, sketch-books, brushes,
+pencils, &c.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+This is more than I ever received for a better known advertisement: "I
+used your soap two years ago." I was never offered so much as a cake of
+soap from those who used my _Punch_ sketch so freely! Permission was
+given for its use by the proprietors of _Punch_, not knowing I had any
+objection, and at the time I was ill with fever and unable to protest.
+The firm certainly paid me some years afterwards for the publication of
+the same advertisement for two insertions in a periodical I was
+starting, but only at the ordinary rate. I mention this fact as I have
+heard from friends all over the world that I received untold gold for
+the use of it, and as it has interested so many perhaps I may at the
+same time clear up another fallacy, which I did not know existed until
+I read Mr. Spielmann's "History of _Punch_." In that he refers to the
+very "oft-quoted drawing (lately used as an advertisement), the idea of
+which reached him from an anonymous correspondent. It is that of a
+grimy, unshaven, unwashed, mangy-looking tramp, who sits down to write,
+with a broken quill, a testimonial for a firm of soap-makers. A further
+point of interest about this famous sketch was that Charles Keene was
+deeply offended by it at first, in the groundless belief that it was
+intended as a skit upon himself. It must at least be admitted that the
+head is not unlike what one might have expected to belong to a
+dissipated and dilapidated Charles Keene." Poor Keene! How sorry I was
+to read this when too late to explain to him that he was never in my
+mind for a moment when I was drawing it! But, strange to say, the
+original who sat for it was a brother artist, another Charles, quite as
+delightful as Keene, equally clever in his own way, and my greatest
+friend--Charles Burton Barber, the animal painter, in appearance rather
+like Charles Keene, but nothing of the Bohemian about him, and a
+non-smoker! Still I am always being told that I had So-and-so in my eye
+when drawing the figure. I might in truth quote Sir John Tenniel's
+remark _a propos_ of being accused of caricaturing his late comrade,
+Horace Mayhew, as the "White Knight" in "Alice in Wonderland": "The
+resemblance was purely accidental, a mere unintentional caricature,
+which his _friends_, of course, were only too delighted to make the most
+of." Ah, those _friends_ are at the bottom of all these
+misunderstandings. I could a tale, or two, unfold, but that--that's
+another volume.
+
+[Illustration: I SIT FOR JOHN BROWN.]
+
+Yes, poor Barber sat for the tramp, and I in return sat to him for a
+figure quite as incongruous in my case as the tramp was in his. I sat
+for John Brown for the picture Queen Victoria had commissioned of Mr.
+Brown surrounded by her pet dogs, which she had in her private room. She
+was so delighted with the picture that she had a replica made of it, and
+placed it in the passage outside, so that it was the first picture she
+looked at as she left her room. Barber's animals and children were
+delightful, but he was weak with his men, and was in trouble over John
+Brown's calves,--it was then that I posed for the "brawny Scott," but
+only for the portion here mentioned.
+
+[Illustration: A CRIB BY AN AMERICAN ADVERTISER.]
+
+This figure of the tramp in my sketch of "I used your soap two years
+ago" has in fact been mistaken for myself. A relative of my own, who has
+been living in the Cape for many years, paid a visit to London, and on
+his return informed his children that he had seen me and brought my
+portrait back with him. "Oh, we have Cousin Harry's portrait in our
+nursery for some time: one he has signed too." It was the Punch-Pears
+production in colour! I am sure I do not know how ridiculous stories are
+received as true, that I got a fabulous sum for the use of this one;
+that such-and-such a member of the staff gets a huge retaining fee, &c.,
+and other inventions--one in particular. If I have met one, I have met a
+score of people at different times of my life who positively declared
+that they actually sent that ever famous line: "Punch's advice to those
+about to marry--Don't!" and received immediately remuneration in sums
+varying from L5 to L500. That joke was probably conceived and thrown in
+at the last moment, at the critical point when the editor is "making up"
+the paper.
+
+As I am writing these disjointed notes for family reading, it may
+perhaps not be out of place just to refer to the domestic relations of
+the staff of _Punch_. Our wives and families were invited to meet on the
+occasion of the Lord Mayor's procession, when they may have been
+observed upon the roof of the publishing office--till recently it was in
+Fleet Street--from which coign of vantage they had an excellent view of
+the civic show, afterwards having a capital lunch in a room on the first
+floor. Yet how much men who live on their wits owe to their domestic
+happiness! It is a pleasant fact to be able to chronicle that--I believe
+at all times--the domestic lives of the _Punch_ staff have been most
+happy. It is rather curious that all of them have made the same kind of
+matrimonial selection--they have married "sensible wives," women who
+have all been sympathetic, devoted, bright, and domesticated. The wit at
+the dinner-table, the humorous writer or the caricaturist in the pages
+you read, is a very different dog at home. It must naturally be so. It
+is the reaction, and it is to such men that the woman possessed of tact
+and cheerfulness is invaluable. In truth, Punch's advice to those about
+to marry, "Don't!" has been disregarded by the majority of his members,
+in every case with the utmost satisfaction to themselves.
+
+[Illustration: BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO. LD., PRINTERS, LONDON AND
+TONBRIDGE.]
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of a Caricaturist,
+Vol. 1 (of 2), by Harry Furniss
+
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