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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/28595-8.txt b/28595-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e740726 --- /dev/null +++ b/28595-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4465 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Man Who Drove the Car, by Max Pemberton + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Man Who Drove the Car + +Author: Max Pemberton + +Release Date: April 23, 2009 [EBook #28595] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MAN WHO DROVE THE CAR *** + + + + +Produced by Al Haines + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Cover art] + + + + + +THE MAN WHO + +DROVE THE CAR + + +BY + +MAX PEMBERTON + + + +AUTHOR OF + +"THE GIRL WITH THE RED HAIR" + +"THE IRON PIRATE" ETC. + + + + +LONDON + +EVELEIGH NASH + +FAWSIDE HOUSE + +1910 + + + + +Printed by BALLANTYNE & Co. LIMITED + +Tavistock Street, Coven Garden, London + + + + +CONTENTS + + I. THE ROOM IN BLACK + II. THE SILVER WEDDING + III. IN ACCOUNT WITH DOLLY ST. JOHN + IV. THE LADY WHO LOOKED ON + V. THE BASKET IN THE BOUNDARY ROAD + VI. THE COUNTESS + + + + +I + +THE ROOM IN BLACK + +They say that every man should have a master, but, for my part, I +prefer a mistress. Give me a nice young woman with plenty of money in +her pocket, and a bit of taste for seeing life, and I'll leave you all +the prying "amatoors" that ever sniffed about a gear-box without +knowing what was inside that same. + +I have driven plenty of pretty girls in my life; but I don't know that +the prettiest wasn't Fauny Dartel, of the Apollo. This story isn't +about her--except in a way--so it doesn't much matter; but when I first +knew Fauny she was getting thirty bob a week in "The Boys of Boulogne," +and, as she paid me three pound ten every Saturday, and the car cost +her some four hundred per annum to run, she must have been of a saving +disposition. Certainly a better mistress no man wants--not Lal +Britten, which is yours truly. I drove her for five months, and never +had a word with her. Then a man, who said he was a bailiff, came and +took her car away, and there was no money for me on the Saturday. So I +suppose she married into the peerage. + +My story isn't about Fauny Dartel, though it's got to do with her. +It's about a man who didn't know who he was--at least, he said so--and +couldn't tell you why he did it. We picked him up outside the Carlton +Hotel, Fauny and me,[1] three nights before "The Boys of Boulogne" went +into the country, and "The Girls" from some other shop took their +place. She was going to sup with her brother, I remember--astonishing +how many brothers she had, too--and I was to return to the mews off +Lancaster Gate, when, just as I had set her down and was about to drive +away, up comes a jolly-looking man in a fine fur coat and an opera hat, +and asks me if I was a taxi. Lord, how I stared at him! + +"Taxi yourself," says I, "and what asylum have you escaped out of?" + +"Oh, come, come," says he, "don't be huffy. I only wanted to go as far +as Portman Square." + +"Then call a furniture van," says I, "and perhaps they'll get you +aboard." + +My dander was up, I tell you, for I was on the box of as pretty a +Daimler landaulette as ever came out of Coventry, and if there's +anything I never want to be, it's the driver of a pillar-box with a +flag in his left ear. No doubt I should have said much more to the +gentleman, when what do you think happens--why, Fauny herself comes up +and tells me to take him. + +"I'm sure we should like some one to do the same for us if no taxis +were about," says she very sweetly; "please take the gentleman, +Britten, and then you can go home." + +Well, I sat there as amazed a man as any in the Haymarket. It's true +there weren't any taxis on the rank at the minute; but he could have +got one by walking a hundred yards along Trafalgar Square, and she must +have known it as well as he did. All the same, she smiled sweetly at +him and he at her--and then, with a tremendous sweep of his hat, he +makes a gallant speech to her. + +"I am under a thousand obligations," says he; "really, I couldn't +intrude." + +"Oh, get in and go off," says she, almost pushing him. "I shall lose +my supper if you don't." + +He obeyed her immediately, and away we went. You will remember that +his talk had been of a house in Portman Square; but no sooner had I +turned the corner by the Criterion than he began speaking through the +tube, and telling me to go to Playford's in Berkeley Square. There he +stopped, notwithstanding that it was getting on for twelve o'clock; and +when he had rung the bell and entered the house, I had to wait a good +fifteen minutes before he was ready for the second stage. + +"Is it Portman Square now?" I asked him. He laughed and slipped a +sovereign into my hand. + +"I can see you're one of the right sort," he said. "Would you mind +running round to the King's Road, Chelsea, for ten minutes? Perhaps +there'll be another sovereign before we get to bed to-night." + +I pocketed the money--you don't find many drivers who are long off the +fourth speed in that line, and Lal Britten is no exception. As for the +gentleman, he did seem a merry fellow, and his air was that of a Duke +all over--the kind of man who says "Do it," and finds you there every +time. We were round at the King's Road, Chelsea, perhaps a quarter of +an hour after he had spoken, and there we stopped at the door of a lot +of studios, which I have been told since are where some of the great +painters of the country keep their pictures. Here my friend was gone +perhaps twenty minutes, and when next I saw him he had three flash-up +ladies with him, and every one as classy as he was. + +"Relations of mine," says he, as he pushes 'em into the landaulette, +and closes the door himself. "Now you may drive to Portman Square just +as fast as you please, for I'm an early bird myself, and don't approve +of late hours." + +Well, I stared, be sure of it, though staring didn't fit that riddle, +not by a long way. My mistress had lent her landaulette to a stranger; +but I felt sure that she wouldn't have liked this sort of thing--and +yet, remember, the gentleman had told me to drive to Portman Square, so +there could not be much the matter, after all. + +As for the ladies, it wasn't for me to quarrel with them. They were +all very well dressed, and behaved themselves perfectly. I came to the +conclusion that I was dealing with some rich man who had a bee in his +bonnet, and, my curiosity getting the better of me, I drove away to +Portman Square without as much as a word. + +Now, this would have been some time after twelve o'clock. It was, I +think, a quarter to one when we turned into Portman Square, and he +began to work the signal on the driver's seat which tells you whether +you are to go to the right or the left, slow or easy, out or home +again. All sorts of contradictory orders baffling me, we drew up at +last before a big house on the Oxford Street side, and this, to my +astonishment, had a "To Let" board in the window, and another at the +pillar of the front door. What was even more astonishing was the fact +that this empty house--for I saw at a glance it was that--was just +lighted up from cellar to attic, while there was as many as three +furniture vans drawn up against the pavement, and sending in their +contents as fast as a dozen men could carry them. All this, mind you, +I took in at a glance. No time was given me to think about it, for the +stranger was out of the car in a jiffy and had given me my instructions +in two. + +"Here's your sovereign," says he; "if you want to earn ten times as +many come back for me at four o'clock--or, better still, stay and give +'em a hand inside. We want all the help we can get to-night, and no +mistake about it. You can get your supper here, and bring that car +round when I'm ready." + +Well, I didn't know what to do. My mistress had said nothing about +stopping up until four o'clock--but for that matter she hadn't +mentioned ten pounds sterling either--and here was this merry gentleman +talking about it glibly enough. + +For my part the fun of the whole thing began to take hold of me, and I +determined to see it through whatever the cost. There were goings on +in Portman Square, and no mistake about it--and why should Lal Britten +be left out in the cold? Not much, I can tell you. And I had the car +away in the garage off the Edgware Road, and was back at the old +gentleman's house just about as quick as any driver could have made the +journey. + +There I found the square half full of people. Three policemen stood at +the door of the house, and a pretty crowd of loafers, such as a party +in London can always bring together, watched the fun, although they +couldn't make much of it. Asking what the hullabaloo was about, a +fellow told me that Lord Crossborough had come up from the country +suddenly, and was "a-keeping of his jubilee" at No. 20B. + +"Half the Gaiety's there, to say nothing of the Merry Widow," says he, +as I pushed past him, "and don't you be in a hurry, guv'nor, 'cause +you've forgotten yer diamond collar. They won't say nothink up there, +not if you was to go in a billycock 'at and a duster, s'welp me, they +wouldn't----" But I didn't listen to him, and going up the front door +steps by the policemen, I told them I was Lord Crossborough's driver, +and passed right in. + +Now I have been through many funny scenes in my life, seen many funny +gentlemen, to say nothing of funny ladies, and have had many a good +time on many a good car. But this I shall say at once, that I never +got a greater surprise than when I got back to 20B, and found myself in +the empty hall among twenty or thirty pairs of yellow breeches and as +many cooks in white aprons, all pushing and shouting, and swearing that +the area gate was locked and bolted, and the kitchen in no fit state to +serve supper to a dog. + +Upstairs on the landings men in white aprons were carrying plants in +pots, and building up banks of roses; while higher up still stood Lord +Crossborough himself--the gentleman I had driven from the +Carlton--shouting to them to do this and to do that, smoking a cigar as +long as your arm, and all the time as merry as a two-year-old at a +morning gallop. + +As for the young ladies, they had taken off their cloaks, and all wore +pretty gowns, same as they would wear for any party in that part of the +world, and they were standing by his lordship's side, apparently just +as much amused as he was. What astonished me in particular was this +nobleman's affability towards me, for he cried out directly he saw me, +and implored me for heaven's sake to get the padlock off the area gate, +or, says he, "I'm d--d if they won't be cooking the ducks in the +drawing-room." + +I was only too ready to oblige him, that goes without saying, though I +had to run round to the garage for a file and a chisel, and when I got +back for the second time, it took me twenty minutes to get off the +padlock, after which they sent me upstairs, as they said, "to help with +the flats." Then I discovered that a play, or something, was to be +given in the drawing-room, the back part of which was full of scenery, +showing a castle on the top of a precipice and a view of the Thames +Embankment just below it, while away in the small library on the other +side of the staircase stood twenty or thirty ballet girls, just come +from one of the West End theatres. + +Immediately after they had arrived, a number of fiddlers came tumbling +up the stairs, and the fun began in earnest. A proper gentleman, who +seemed to know what he was talking about, though, to be sure, he did +call all the ladies his "darlings," started to put 'em through their +paces. I saw one of our leading musical ladies coming down the stairs +from the rooms above, and presently a lot of guests arrived from the +hall below, and went into the great drawing-room, where the audience +was to sit. "After all," says I, "this is just his lordship's bit of +fun--he's giving one of those impromptu parties we've heard so much +about, and this play-acting is the surprise of it." You shall see +presently how very wrong I was. + +Well, the play went merry enough, as it should have done, seeing it was +performed by people who have to make their living by plays. When it +was over, his lordship gets up and says something about their having +supper, not in the English way but the French, same as they do at the +Catsare[2] in Paris. This pleased them all very much, and I could see +that the most part of them were not real ladies and gentlemen at all, +but riff-raff Bohemian stuff out for a spree, and determined to have +one. The supper itself was the most amusing affair you ever saw; for +what must they do but flop down on the floor just where they stood, not +minding the bare boards at all, and eat cold chicken and twist rolls +from paper bags the footman threw to them. As for the liquor, you +would have thought they never could have enough of it--but it's not for +me to say anything about that, seeing I had a bottle of the best to +myself down in the corner by the conservatory, and more than one paper +bag when the first was empty. + +Now, this supper occupied them until nearly three in the morning. I +make out--as I had to do to the police--that it was just a quarter past +three when the real business began, and a pretty frightening business, +as my sequel will show. First it began with the sweepers, who swept up +the wreck of the vittals with long brooms, and sprinkled scented water +afterwards to lay the dust. Then the musicians played a mournful sort +of tune, and after that, what do you think?--why, in came a number of +stage carpenters, who began to hang the whole place with black. + +I have told you already that it was an empty house and not a stick of +furniture in it, save what we carried there--so you will see that all +this affair must have been arranged a long time before, for the black +hangings were all made to fit the room, and upon them they hung black +candlesticks with yellow candles in them--as melancholy as those used +for a funeral, and just the same kind, so far as I could see. This +interested the company very much. I could hear all sorts of remarks +from the riff-raff who were making love on the stairs; and presently +they all crowded into the room and listened to Lord Crossborough while +he made them a speech. + +Let me confess that what I know about this speech I learned chiefly +from the newspapers. His lordship spoke of his family affairs, and +spoke of them in a way that might very well astonish the company. + +To begin with, he mentioned his own eccentricities during the last five +months, when, as he reminded them, he had retired from public life and +gone down to Hertfordshire to found an academy where, with a few +convivials, he might study Latin and Greek and forget the high old time +he had had in London formerly. + +This, he said, had been a pretty slow business, and quite given him the +jumps. He began to find himself sighing for the old days. Plato and +Socrates were fine old boys, but he preferred "The Boys of Boulogne" at +the Apollo, and no mistake about it. So he had given up keeping house +with Plato and the other gentleman, and was going over to France, when +he discovered Captain Blackham's adventure with Jenny Frobisher of the +Opera House, and wanted to know more about it. Did they think he would +put up with that? Not for a minute, and, seeing that you can't get law +in such affairs in this country, he meant to do his own law-making. +That very night he had asked Captain Blackham to come to this house +that they might meet and have it out like gentlemen should do. One of +them would not return--he left it to the company to bear witness that +all was done squarely as between men of honour, and he begged them to +keep his confidence. It was then half-past three. They might expect +the Captain in ten minutes, during which time he would make his +preparations. He was sure they would never betray him. + +You may imagine the excitement this speech gave rise to. I was at the +bottom of the stairs at the time, and I could hear the women crying out +to each other, and the men asking what it all meant. Such a confusion +and babel I shall never listen to again in any house. What with some +running downstairs and calling for their carriages, the band playing, +his lordship bawling for his servants--and, upon all this, the sudden +arrival of the Captain, who carried a pair of swords in his hand--why, +no madhouse could have matched it. + +Well enough, I say, for Lord Crossborough to ask people not to betray +him; but what woman could hold her tongue under such circumstances, and +how did he think that such a game could be played and the police hear +nothing of it? Why, I tell you that half a dozen girls were bawling +"Murder!" before five minutes were past, and as many more imploring the +police outside to step up and stop it. For myself I made no bones +about the matter; and, not wishing to appear in a police court next +day, and thinking certainly that Lord Crossborough was as mad as any +first-floor tenant of Hanwell, I pushed my way through the press and +went off to the garage. Ten pound or no ten pound, I was for bed. +Will you ask me if I was surprised when, going up to the car, the very +first person I met was his lordship, with a cigar about seven inches +long in his mouth, and as pretty a smile above his long black beard as +I have seen this many a day. + +"Well, my boy," says he, opening the door quite calmly and stepping +inside with no more concern than if I had just driven him from the +Carlton to Hyde Park Corner, "well, now I think we shall soon have +earned that extra ten-pound note. The next house is in +Hertfordshire--three miles from Potter's Bar, on the road to Five +Corners. Do you happen to know it, by the way?" + +I could hardly answer him for amazement. + +"But what about the Captain, sir," cried I. + +"Oh," says he, "the Captain will never trouble me again. Now get up +and make haste. Is your back lamp all right? That's good--I +particularly wish all the policemen to get our number. Go right ahead +and stop for no one. It's a big house, I am told, and we cannot miss +it." + +"But," cried I, "isn't it your lordship's house?" + +He laughed, the merriest laugh in all the world. + +"I was never there in my life," says he; "now get on, for heaven's +sake, or you'll have the morning here." + +I hadn't a word for this, and, wondering whether I had gone dotty or +he, I let the Daimler out and drove straight up Baker Street, through +the Park and out on to the Finchley Road. The police have eyes all +round their heads for this track as a rule, but never a policeman do I +remember seeing that night, and we travelled forty-five an hour after +Barnet if we travelled a mile. + +My directions, you will remember, had been to go straight through +Potter's Bar, and then on to a place called Five Corners--a locality I +had never heard of, well as I know Hertfordshire and the roads round +about. This I told his lordship as we slowed up in the village, and +his answer was surprising, for he told me to go to the police station +and to ask there. So I slowed up in Potter's Bar, and, seeing a +policeman, I asked him to direct me. + +"Keep to the right and turn to the right again," says he, staring hard +at his lordship and at me. "That's Lord Crossborough's house, isn't +it?" + +"Why, yes," says I, naturally enough, "and it's his lordship I am +driving." + +He nodded pleasantly at this, and his lordship putting his head out of +the window at the moment, he spoke to him direct. + +"Rather late to-night, my lord." + +"Yes, yes, very late, and a driver who doesn't know the road. I am +much obliged to you, constable. Tell him how to go, and here's a +sovereign for you." + +A policeman doesn't like a sovereign, of course, and this fellow was +just as nasty about it as the others. I suppose he spent the next +quarter of an hour directing me how to go, and when that was done he +saluted his lordship in fine military fashion. To be truthful, I may +say that we went out of Potter's Bar with flying colours, and for the +next ten minutes I drove slowly down dark lanes with corners sharp +enough for copybooks, and hedges so high that a man couldn't feel +himself for the darkness. When we got out of this we came to five +cross-roads, and a big sign-post; and here, I remembered, the policeman +had told me to take the middle road to the left, and that I should find +Five Corners a quarter of a mile further down. So I was just swinging +the big car round when what should happen but that the signal told me +to stop, and, bringing to in a jiffy, I waited for his lordship to +speak. + +"Britten," says he, for I had told him my name half a dozen times +already, "Britten, this is very important to me. I'll make it fifteen +pounds if you do the job well. Just drive up to the lodge, and when +the man opens, you say 'His lordship is very late to-night.' After +that, you'll keep to the lower of two roads and come to another lodge. +There, when you wake them up, you will say, 'His lordship is very early +this morning,' and after that, drive away just as hard as the old car +can take you. I'm in the mood to have some fun to-night, and whatever +I do is no responsibility of yours, so don't you be troubled about it, +my lad. I shall exonerate you if there's any tale; but there can't be +one, for surely a man may drive through his own park when he has the +mind to." + +I said "Of course he had," for what else could I say? The further I +got into this job the madder it appeared to be. Perhaps just because +of its madness, I determined to see the end of it. After all, I had +been ordered by my mistress to drive this gentleman, and whatever he +might choose to do was no concern of mine. If I tell the whole truth, +and say I thought him a lunatic with whom it would be dangerous to +quarrel, well, there's no harm in that; for how many would have done +different, and where's the blame? Lords go mad like other people, for +all their coronets; and fine times they appear to have in that +condition. I said Lord Crossborough was either daft or had some deep +game going; and, with that to keep me up, I drove straight to the lodge +gates, and bawled for them to let me in. + +There was a long wait here, fifteen good minutes or more before a +tousled-haired girl opened the little window of the cottage, and asked +me what I wanted. When I told her to look sharp and not keep his +lordship waiting, I do believe she laughed in my face. + +"Why, he's not left the house for a month!" cries she. "Now don't tell +me!" + +"Oh, but I'm going to tell you--that and a lot more, if you don't hurry +up. Don't you see that I've brought his lordship home?" + +"Oh, dear me," says she, all flustered; "I'm sure I beg his lordship's +pardon----" and with that she came down like a shot and opened the +gate. For my part I had nothing more to say to her, except the remark +which Lord Crossborough had ordered me to make, and exclaiming, "His +lordship is late to-night," I let the clutch in and started the car. A +glance behind me showed me my passenger fast asleep, with the girl +staring at him with all her eyes. But she said no more, and I drove +on, and hadn't gone fifty yards before the signal was working again. + +"Oh," says I, "then we've got no sort of dormouse up to be sure. +Asleep and awake again all in five minutes"; but I slowed up the car as +he directed, and immediately afterwards he called my attention to +another party who shared the road with us, and was as curious as the +girl. He was a policeman, and he had passed through the lodge gates +right on our heels. + +I don't know how it is, but if you are doing anything you have any +doubt about at all, the sight of a policeman always gives you the +creeps. I never see one, but I wonder if he has been timing me, or +quarrelling with my number-plates, or doing one or other of those +things which policemen do, and we poor devils pay for. + +This time I was right down afraid, and made no bones about it. The +scene in Portman Square, the women's screams, the empty house, the +black hangings, the talk concerning the duel, and his lordship's +mysterious words about Captain Blackham never troubling him any more: +they came upon me in a flash, and almost drove me silly. Not so my +lord himself--I had never seen him calmer. + +"Good-morning, constable," says he, "and what can I do for you?" + +"I beg your pardon, sir," says the man, dismounting as he spoke, "but +there's a telegram from London about your house in Portman Square, and +I came up to see if you know anything about it." + +"Of course I do, constable--very good of you, though. Tell them it's +all right, just a little party to some of my old friends. And here's a +sovereign for you; call again later on if you have anything to say. +I'm half asleep and dead tired." + +He threw a sovereign out on to the grass, and the police sergeant +picked it up sharp enough. I thought there was a kind of hesitation in +his manner, but couldn't make much of it. Whatever he thought or +wished to say, however, that he kept to himself, and after remarking +that the morning would break fine, and that he was much obliged to his +lordship, he mounted and rode away. This was the moment Lord +Crossborough ceased to work the signal, and, opening the front window, +spoke to me direct. + +"Stop your engine," he says in a low voice, "and see you don't start it +until that fellow is out of the park." + +I thought it a strange order, but did as he wished. It was plain to +me, as it would have been plain to any one, that he didn't wish the +constable to see us take the lower road, and had thought out this trick +to work his will. I am a pretty good hand myself at stopping my +engine, and being unable to start her, especially when my master or +mistress wants to get there in a hurry and doesn't consult my +convenience. So I was down in a jiffy when his lordship spoke, and +there I stood, pretending to swing the handle and to poke about inside +the bonnet until the sergeant had turned the corner of the drive, and +it was safe to go ahead again. + +The second lodge lay perhaps the third of a mile from the place where +we had halted, and we must pass within a hundred yards of the house +itself to get to it. I didn't need to be told not to sound my horn as +we went by, and we were creeping along nicely when--and this was +something which seemed to hit me in the very face--we came upon a man +walking under the trees by the lake side, and he--believe me or not as +you like--was the very living image of my passenger. "Good God!" says +I, "then there are two of 'em," and in a very twinkling the whole +nature of this night's business seemed clear to me. + +A man just like his lordship, dressed in a tweed suit and with a thick +stick in his hand--a man with a bushy black beard, a full round +forehead, and the very walk and movement of the man I carried. What +was I to make of him, what to think of it? Well, I can hardly tell you +that, for, no sooner did we catch sight of the man than my passenger +roared to me to go straight on, and, ducking down inside the +landaulette, he hid himself as completely from sight as though he had +been in the tool-box. For my part, remembering the old adage about "In +for a penny in for a pound," I just let the Daimler fly, and we went +down the drive and up to the lodge as fast as car ever travelled that +particular road or will travel it whatever the circumstances. + +"Gate," I roared, "gate, gate!" for the padlock was plain enough and a +good stout chain about it. No one answered me for more than five +minutes, I suppose, and no sooner did an old man appear, than I saw the +stranger with his bushy black beard, his lordship's double, running +down the drive for all he was worth, and bawling to the gate-keeper not +to open. + +A critical moment this, upon my word, and one to bring a man's heart +into his mouth--the doddering old man tottering to the gate; the +stranger running like a prize-winner; Lord Crossborough himself, +doubled up in the bottom of the landaulette, and me sitting there with +my foot on the clutch, my hand on the throttle, and my pulse going like +one o'clock. Should we do it or should we not? Would it be shut or +open? The question answered itself a moment later, when the +lodge-keeper, not seeing the other fellow, half opened the iron gates +and let my bonnet in between them. The car almost knocked him down as +we raced through--I could hear him bawling "Stop!" even above the hum +of the engine. + +You will not have forgotten that his lordship had told me to go, hell +for leather, directly I was through the gate, and right well I obeyed +him. The lanes were narrow and twisty; there were morning mists +blowing up from the fields; we passed more than one market cart, and +nearly lost our wings. But I was out to earn fifteen of the best, and +right well I worked for them. Slap bang into Potter's Bar, slap bang +out of it and round the bend towards Prickly Hill. I couldn't have +driven faster if I had had the whole county police at my heels--and the +Lord knows whether I had or not. + +This brought us to Barnet in next to no time. We were still doing +forty as we entered the town, and would have run out of it at +twenty-five after we'd passed the church and the police station--would +have, I say, but for one little fact, and that was a fat sergeant of +police right in the middle of the road, with his hand held up like a +leg of mutton, and a voice that might have been hailing a burglar. + +"Here, you," he cried, as I drew up, "who have you got in that car?" + +"Why," says I, "who should I have but somebody who has a right to be +there? Ask his lordship for himself." + +"His lordship--do you mean Lord Crossborough?" + +I went to say "Yes," just as he opened the door. You shall judge what +I thought of it when a glance behind me showed that the landaulette was +empty. + +"Now, who are you making game of?" cried the sergeant, throwing the +door wide open. "There ain't no lordship in here. What do you mean by +saying there was?" + +"Well, he was there when I left Five Corners----" + +"What! you've come from his house?" + +"Straight away," says I, "and no calls. Ask him for yourself." + +He could see that I was flabbergasted and telling him the truth. There +was the landaulette as empty as a box of chocolates when the +parlourmaid has done with them. How Lord Crossborough got out or where +he had gone to when he did get out, I knew no more than the dead. One +thing was plain--I was as clean sold as any greenhorn at any country +fair. And I made no bones about telling the sergeant as much. + +"He asked me to drive him down from town to his house at Five Corners. +My mistress told me to take him, and I did. I was to have fifteen of +the best for the job--and here you see what I get. Oh, you bet I'm +happy." + +I spoke with some feeling, and you may be sure I felt pretty kind +towards Lord Crossborough just then. To be kept up all night and run +about like a "yellow breeches," to have my ears crammed with promises +and my skin drenched with the mists, to find myself stranded in Barnet +at the end. It was more than any man's temper could stand, and that I +told the sergeant. + +"Well," says I, "next time I meet him, I shall have something pretty +strong to say to that same Lord Crossborough, and you may tell him so +when you see him." + +"See him--I wish we could see him. There's half the county police +looking for him this minute. Oh, we'd like to see him all right, and a +few others as well. Now, you come down to the station and tell us all +about it. There'll be a cup of hot coffee there, and I daresay you +won't mind that." + +I said that I wouldn't, and went along with him. An inspector at the +station took my story down from the time I set off from the Carlton to +the moment I quitted Five Corners. What he wanted it for, what Lord +Crossborough had done, or what he was going to do, they didn't tell me, +nor did I care. But they gave me a jolly good breakfast before they +sent me off, and that was about the best thing I had had for twelve +long hours. It was eleven o'clock when I got back to town at last. +And at three o'clock precisely I saw my mistress again. + +You will readily imagine that I was glad of this interview, and had +been looking forward to it anxiously from the time I drove the car into +the stable until the moment it came off. Miss Dartel had a flat in +Bayswater just then; but she didn't send for me there, and it was at +the theatre I saw her, in her own dressing-room between the acts of a +rehearsal. A clean-shaven gentleman was talking to her when I went in, +and for a little while I didn't recognise him; but presently he turned +round, and something in his manner and tone of voice caused me to look +up sharp enough. + +"Why," says I, "his lordship!" + +They both laughed at this, and Miss Dartel held up her finger. + +"Whatever are you saying, Britten?" cried she. "That's Mr. Jermyn, of +the Hicks Theatre." + +"Jermyn or French," says I, my temper getting up, "he's the man I drove +to Five Corners last night--and fifteen pounds he owes me, neither more +nor less." + +Well, they both laughed again, and the gentleman, he took a pocket-book +from the inside pocket of his coat and laid three five-pound notes on +the table. While they were there, Miss Dartel puts her pretty fingers +upon them, and begins to speak quite confidentially-- + +"Britten," says she, "there's fifteen pounds. I daresay it would be +fifty if you had a very bad memory, Britten, and couldn't recognise the +gentleman you picked up last night. Now, do you think you have such a +bad memory as all that?" + +I twigged it in a minute, and answered them quite honestly. + +"I must know more or less, madame," says I. "Remember my interests are +not this gentleman's interests." + +"Oh, that's quite fair, Britten, though naturally, we know nothing. +But they do say that poor Lord Crossborough has gone quite silly about +the rural life. He's been reading Tolstoy's books, and wants to live +upon a shilling a day; while poor Lady Crossborough, who knows my +cousin, Captain Blackham, very well, she's bored to death, and it will +kill her if it goes on. So, you see, she persuaded his lordship to +give that funny party at his old house in Portman Square last night, +and all the papers are laughing at it to-day, and he'll be chaffed out +of his life. I'm sure Lady Crossborough will get her way now, Britten; +and when the police hear it was only an eccentricity upon his +lordship's part, they won't say anything. Now, do you think that you +would be able to swear that the man you drove last night was very like +Lord Crossborough? If so, it would be lucky, and I'm sure her ladyship +will give you fifty pounds." + +I thought about it a minute, rolling up the notes and putting them into +my pocket. Of course I could swear as she wanted me to. And fifty of +the best. Good Lord, what a temptation! + +But I'll tell you straight that I got the fifty, and never swore +nothing at all. The party was a job put up by Lady Crossborough. The +man I drove was Mr. Jermyn, of the Hicks Theatre, and the world and the +newspapers laughed so loud at his lordship, who never convinced anybody +he hadn't done it, that he went off to India in a hurry, and never came +back for twelve months. Which proves to me that honesty is the best +policy, as I shall always declare. + +And one thing more--where did Mr. Jermyn get out of my car? Why, just +as I slowed up for the corner by the church at Barnet--not a hundred +yards from where the constable stopped me. A clever actor--why, yes, +he is that. + + + +[1] The Editor has left Mr. Britten to speak for himself in his own +manner when that seems characteristic of his employment. + +[2] Mr. Britten's spelling of Quat'z-Arts is eccentric. + + + + +II + +THE SILVER WEDDING + +Yes, I shall never forget "Benny," and I shall never forget his +beautiful red hair. Gentlemen, I have driven for many ... and the +other sort, but "Benny" was neither the one nor the other--not a man, +but a tribe ... not a Jew nor yet a Christian, but just something you +meet every day and all days--a big, blundering heap of good-nature, +which quarrels with one half the world and takes Bass's beer with the +other. That was Benjamin Colmacher--"Benny" for short--that was the +master I want to tell you about. + +I was out of a job at the time, and had picked up an endorsement at +Hayward's Heath and left a matter of six pounds there for the justices +to get busy with. Time is money, they say, and I have found it to be +so ... generally five pounds and costs, though more if you take a +quantity. It isn't easy for a good man with a road mechanic's +knowledge and five years' experience, racing and otherwise, to place +himself nowadays, when any groom can get made a slap-bang "shuffer" for +five pounds at a murder-shop, and any old coachman is young enough to +put his guv'nor in the ditch. My knowledge and my experience had gone +begging for exactly three months when I heard of Benny, and hurried +round to his flat off Russell Square, "just the chap for you," they +said at the garage. I thought so, too, when I saw him. + +It was a fine flat, upon my word, and filled up with enough fal-de-lals +to please a duchess from the Gaiety. Benny himself, his red hair +combed flat on his head and oiled like a missing commutator, wore a +Japanese silk dressing-gown which would have fired a steam car. His +breakfast, I observed, consisted of one brandy-and-soda and a bunch of +grapes; but the cigar he offered me was as long as a policeman's boot, +and the fellow to it stuck out of a mouth as full of fine white teeth +as a pod of peas. + +"Good-morning," says he, nodding affably enough; and then, "You are +Lionel Britten, I suppose?" + +"Yes," says I--for no road mechanic who respects himself is going to +"sir" such as Benny Colmacher to begin with--"that's my name, though my +friends call me Lal for short. You're wanting a driver, I hear." + +He sat himself in a great armchair and looked me up and down as a vet +looks at a horse. + +"I do want a driver," says he, "though how you got to know it, the Lord +knows." + +"Why," says I, "that's funny, isn't it? We're both wanting the same +thing, for I can see you're just the gentleman I would like to take on +with." + +He smiled at this, and seemed to be thinking about it. Presently he +asked a plain question. I answered him as shortly. + +"Where did you hear of me?" he asked. + +"At Blundell's garage," I answered. + +"And I was buying a car?" + +"Yes, a fifty-seven Daimler ... that was the talk." + +"Could you drive a car like that?" + +"Could I--oh, my godfathers----" + +"Then you have handled fast cars?" + +"I drove with Fournier in the Paris-Bordeaux, was through the Florio +for the Fiat people, and have driven the big Delahaye just upon a +hundred and three miles an hour. Read my papers, sir ... they'll show +you what I've done." + +I put a bundle into his hand, and he read a few words of them. When +next he looked at me, there was something in his eyes which surprised +me considerably. Some would have called it cunning, some curiosity; I +didn't know what to make of it. + +"Why would you like to drive for me?" he asked presently. + +"Because," said I, quickly enough, "it's plain that you're a gentleman +anybody would like to drive for." + +"But you don't know anything at all about me." + +"That's just it, sir. The nicest people are those we don't know +anything at all about." + +He laughed loudly at this, and helped himself to the brandy-and-soda, +but didn't drink over-much of it. I could see that he was much +relieved, and he spoke afterwards with more freedom. + +"You're one that knows how to hold his tongue?" he suggested. I +rejoined that, so far as tongues went, I had mine in a four-inch vice. + +"Especially where the ladies are concerned?" + +"I'd sooner talk to them than about them, sir." + +"That's right, that's right. Don't take the maid when you can get the +mistress, eh?" + +"Take 'em both for choice, that's my motto." + +"You're not married, Britten?" + +"No such misfortune has overtaken me, sir." + +"Ha!"--here he leered just like an actor at the Vic--"and you don't +mind driving at night?" + +"I much prefer it, sir." + +He leered again, and seemed mightily pleased. A few more questions put +and answered found me with that job right enough ... and a right good +job, too, as things are nowadays. I was to have four pounds a week and +liveries. Such a mug as "Benny" Colmacher would not be the man to ask +about tyres and petrol, and if he did, I knew how to fill up his tanks +for him. Be sure I went away on my top speed and ate a better lunch +than had come my way for six months or more. Who the man was, or what +he was, I didn't care a dump. I had got the job, and to-morrow I would +get up in the driver's seat of a car again. You can't wonder I was +pleased. + +I slept well that night, and was round at Benny's early on the +following morning. If I had been surprised at my good luck yesterday, +surprise was no word for what I felt when the valet opened the door to +me and told me that Mr. Colmacher was in the country and wouldn't be +back for a month. Not a word had been said about this, mind you--not a +hint at it; and yet the stiff and starched gentleman could tell me the +news just as coolly as though he had said, "My master has gone across +the street to see a friend." When I asked him if there was no message +for me, he answered simply, "None." + +"He didn't give no instructions about the car?" + +"The car is at the yard being repaired." + +"But I was engaged to drive her----" + +"You will drive Mr. Colmacher when he returns." + +"And my wages----?" + +"Oh, those will be paid. This is a place where they know what is due +to us." + +"And I am to do nothing meanwhile?" + +"If you have nothing to do, by all means." + +It was an odd thing to hear, to be sure, and you can well understand my +hesitation as I stood there on the landing and watched that stiff and +starched valet, who might have just come out of a tailor's shop. +Gentlemen are not usually reserved between themselves, but this fellow +beat me altogether, and I liked him but little. Such a +"don't-touch-me-or-I-shall-vanish" manner you don't come across often +even in Park Lane, and I soon saw that whatever else happened, Joseph, +the valet, as they called him, and Lal Britten, the "shuffer," were +never going to the North Pole together. + +"If it's doing nothing," said I at last, "Mr. Colmacher won't have +cause to complain of his driver. Am I to call again, or will he send +for me?" + +"He will send for you, unless you like to see Mr. Walter in the +meantime?" + +I looked up at this. There had been no "Mr. Walter" in the business +before. + +"Mr. Walter--and who may Mr. Walter be?" + +"He is Mr. Colmacher's son." + +"Then I will see him just as soon as you like." + +He nodded his head and invited me in. Presently I found myself in a +fine bedroom on the far side of the flat, and what was my astonishment +to discover Mr. Walter himself in bed with a big cut across his +forehead and his right arm in a sling. He was a lean, pale youth, but +with as cadaverous a face as I have ever looked upon; and when he spoke +his voice appeared to come from the back of his head. + +"You are the new driver my father has engaged?" + +"Yes, sir, I am the same." + +"I hope you understand powerful cars. Did my father tell you that ours +is a steam car?" + +"He talked about a fifty-seven Daimler, sir." + +"But you have had experience with steam cars----" + +"How did you know that, sir?" + +He smiled softly. + +"We have made inquiries--naturally, we should do so." + +"Then you have not been misinformed. I drove a thirty-horse White +three months last year." + +"Ah, the same car that we drive. Unfortunately, I cannot help my +father just now, for I have met with an accident--in the hunting field." + +I jibbed at this. Motor-men don't know much about the hunting field, +as a rule, but I wasn't such a ninny that I supposed men hunted in July. + +"Hunting, did you say, sir?" + +"That is, trying a horse for the hunting season. Well, you may go now. +Leave your address with Joseph. My father will send for you when he +returns, and meanwhile you are at liberty." + +I thanked him and went off. Oddly enough, this fellow pleased me no +more than the valet. His smile was ugly, his scowl uglier +still--especially when I made that remark about the hunting field. +"Better have held your tongue, Lal, my boy," said I to myself; and +resolving to hold it for the future, I went to my own diggings and +heard no more of the Colmachers, father or son, for exactly twenty-one +days. The morning of the twenty-second found me at the flat again. +"Benny" Colmacher had returned, and remembered that he had paid me +three weeks' wages. + +Now this was the middle of the month of August, and "Benny" certainly +was dressed for country wear. A dot-and-go-one suit of dittoes went +for best, so to speak, with his curly red hair, and got the better of +it by a long way. He had a white rose in his button-hole, and his +manner was as smooth as Vacuum B from a nice clean can. He had just +breakfasted off his usual brandy-and-soda and dry toast when I came in; +and the big cigar did sentry-go across his mouth all the time he talked +to me. + +"Come in, come in, Britten," he cried pompously, when I appeared. "You +like your place, I hope--you don't find the work too hard?" + +"That's so--sir--a very nice sort of place this for a delicate young +man like myself." + +"Ah, but we are going to be a little busier. Has Mr. Walter shown you +the car?" + +"No, sir, not yet. I hear she is a White steamer, though." + +"Yes, yes; I like steam cars; they don't shake me up. When a man +weighs fifteen stun, he doesn't like to be shaken up, Britten--not good +for his digestion, eh? Well, you go down to the Bedford Mews, No. 23B, +and tell me if you can get the thing going by ten o'clock to-morrow--as +far as Watford, Britten. That's the place, Watford. I've something on +down there--something very important. Upon my soul, I don't know why I +shouldn't tell you. It's about a lady, Britten--ha, ha!--about a lady." + +Well, he grinned all over his face just like the laughing gorilla at +the Zoo, and went on grinning for a matter of two minutes or more. +Such a laugh caught you whether you would or no; and while I didn't +care two-pence about his business, and less about the lady, yet here I +was laughing as loudly as he, and seemingly just as pleased. + +"Is it a young lady?" I ventured to ask presently. But he stopped +laughing at that, and looked mighty serious. + +"You mustn't question me, my lad," he said, a bit proudly. "I like my +servants to be in my confidence, but they must not beg it. We are +going down to Watford--that is enough for you. Get the car ready as +soon as possible, and let me know at once if there is anything the +matter with her." + +I promised to do so, and went round to the mews immediately. "Benny" +seemed to me just a good-natured lovesick old fool, who had got hold of +some new girl in the country and was going off to spoon her. The car I +found to be one of the latest forty White's in tip-top trim. She +steamed at once, and when I had put a new heater in, there was nothing +more to be done to her, except to wash her down, a thing no +self-respecting mechanic will ever do if he can get another to take the +job on for him. So I hired a loafer who was hanging about the mews, +and set him to the work while I read the papers and smoked a cigarette. + +He was a playful little cuss to be sure, one of those "ne'er-grow-ups" +you meet about stables, and ready enough to gossip when I gave him the +chance. + +"He's a wonder, is Colmacher," he remarked as he splashed and hissed +about the wheels. "Takes his car out half a dozen times in as many +hours, and then never rides in her for three months. You would be +engaged in place of Mr. Walter, I suppose. They say he's gone to +America, though I don't rightly know whether that's true or not." + +I answered him without looking up from my paper. + +"Who says he's in America?" + +"Why, the servants say it. Ellen the housemaid and me--but that ain't +for the newspapers. So Mr. Walter's home, is he? Well, he do walk +about, to be sure, and him not left for New York ten days ago." + +"You seem to be angry about it, my boy." + +"Well no, it ain't nothing to me, to be sure, though I must say as +Benny's one after my own heart. The girls he do know, and mostly after +'em when the sun's gone down. Would it be the young lady at Bristol +this time, or another? He wus took right bad down in Wiltshire larst +time I heard of 'im, but perhaps he's cured hisself drinking of the +waters. Anyway, it ain't nothing to me, for I'm off to Margate +to-morrow." + +He waited for me to speak, but seeing that I was bent on reading my +paper, made no further remark until his job was done. When next I saw +him it was at eleven o'clock on the following day, just as I was +driving the car round to "Benny's" to take the old boy down to Watford +as he wished. Jumping on the step, the lad put a funny question: + +"You're a good sort," he said. "Will you forward this bit of a +telegram to me from any place you chance to stop at to-night?" + +"Why, what's up now?" I asked. + +"Nothing much, but my old uncle won't let me go, and I want to take +Ellen to Margate for the day. This telegram says mother's ill and +wants me. Will you send it through and put in the name of the place +where you stop to-night?" + +I said that I would, and sticking the sixpence inside my glove and the +form into my pocket, I thought no more about it, and drove straight +away to Benny's. The old boy was dressed fit to marry the whole Gaiety +ballet, white frock suit, white hat, and a rose as big as a full-blown +tomato in his button-hole. To the valet he gave his directions in a +voice that could have been heard half down the street. He was going to +Watford, and would return in a week. + +"Mind," he cried, "I'm staying at the King's Arms, and you can send my +letters down there." Then he waved his hand to me, and we set off. +The road to Watford via Edgware is traps from end to end, and, well as +the White was going, I did not dare to let her out. It was just after +half-past eleven when we left town, and about a quarter to one when we +dropped down the hill into Watford town. Here "Benny" leant over and +spoke to me. + +"Shan't lunch here," he cried, as though the idea had come to him +suddenly; "get on to St. Albans or to Hatfield if you like. The Red +Lion will do me--drive on there and don't hurry." + +I made no answer, but drove quietly through the town, and so by the old +high road to St. Albans and thence to Hatfield. Truth to tell, the car +interested me far more than old Benny or his plans. She was steaming +beautifully, and I had six hundred pounds' pressure all the time. +While that was so I didn't care the turn of a nut whether old Benny +lunched at Watford or at Edinburgh, and as for his adventure with the +girl--well, you couldn't expect me to go talking about another man's +good luck. In fact, I had forgotten all about it long before we were +at Hatfield, and when we had lunched and the old chap suddenly +remembered that he would like to spend the night at Newmarket, I was +not so surprised--for this is the motorist's habit all the world over, +and there's the wonder of the motor-car, that, whether you wish to +sleep where you are or a hundred miles distant, she'll do the business +for you and make no complaint about it. + +Perhaps you will say that I ought to have been surprised, ought to have +guessed that this man was up to no good and turned back to the nearest +police station. It's easy to be a prophet after the event; and between +what a man ought to do and what he does do on any given occasion, there +is often a pretty considerable margin when it comes to the facts. I +drove Benny willingly, not thinking anything at all about the matter. +When he stopped in the town of Royston and said he would take a cup of +tea with a cork to it, I thought it just the sort of thing such a man +would do. And I was ready myself for a cigarette and a stroll +round--for sitting all that time in the car makes a man's legs stiff, +and no mistake about it. But I wasn't away more than ten minutes, and +when I got back to the hotel "Benny" was already fuming at the door. + +"Where have you been to?" he asked in a voice unlike his own--the voice +of a man who knows "what's what" and will see that he gets it. "Why +weren't you with the car?" + +"Been to the telegraph office," said I quietly, for no bluster is going +to unship me--not much. + +"Telegraph office!" and here his face went white as a sheet, "what the +devil did you go there for?" + +"What people usually go for, sir--to send a telegram." + +We looked each other full in the face for a moment, and I could see he +was sorry he had spoken. + +"I suppose you wanted to let your friends know," he put it to me. I +said it was just that--for such was the shortest way out of it. + +"Then get the car out at once and keep to the Newmarket Road. I shall +sleep at the Randolph Arms to-night." + +I made no answer and we got away again. But, for all that, I thought a +lot, and all the time the White was flying along that fine bit of road, +I was asking myself why Benny turned pale when he heard I had sent a +telegram. Was this business with the girl, then, something which might +bring trouble on us both? Was he the man he represented himself to be? +Those were the questions I could not answer, and they were still in my +head when we reached the village of Whittlesford and Benny suddenly +ordered me to stop. + +"This looks a likely inn," he said, pointing to a pretty little house +on the right-hand side of the road; "I think we might stop the night +here, lad. They'll give us a good bed and a good glass of whisky, +anyway, and what does a man want more? Run the car into the yard and +wait while I talk to them. You won't die if we don't get to Newmarket +to-night, I suppose?" + +I said that it was all one to me, and put the car into the yard. The +inn was a beauty, and I liked the look of it. Perhaps Benny's new +manner disarmed me; he was as mild as milk just then, and as affable as +a commercial with a sample in his bag. When he appeared again he had +the landlord with him, and he told me he was going to stop. + +"Get a good dinner into you, lad, and then come and talk to me," he +said, putting a great paw on my shoulder, and leering apishly. "We +mayn't go to bed to-night, after all, for, to tell you the truth, I +don't like the colour of their sheets. You wouldn't mind sitting up, I +daresay, not supposing--well, that there was a ten-pound note hanging +to it?" + +I opened my eyes at this. + +"A ten-pound note, sir?" + +"Yes, for robbing you of your bed. Didn't you tell me you were a +wonder at night driving. Well, I want to see what stuff you're made +of." + +I did not answer him, and, after talking a lot about my cleverness and +the way the car had run, he went in and had his dinner. What to make +of him or his proposal I knew no more than the dead. Certainly he had +done nothing which gave me any title to judge him, and a man with a job +to serve isn't over-ready to be nice about his masters, whatever their +doings. I came to the conclusion that he was just a dotty old boy who +had gone crazy over some girl, and that he was driving out by night to +see her. All the talk about Watford and his letters was so much +jibarree and not meant for home consumption; but, in any case, it was +no affair of mine, nor could I be held responsible for what he did or +what he left undone. + +This was the wisest view to take, and it helped me out afterwards. He +made a good dinner, they told me, and drank a fine bottle of port, kept +in the cellars of the house from the old days when gentlemen drove +themselves to Newmarket, and didn't spare the liquor by the way. It +was half-past ten when I saw him again, and then he had one of the +roly-poly cigars in his mouth and the ten-pound note in his hand. + +"Britten," he said quite plain, "you know why I've come down here?" + +"I think so, sir." + +"_Chercher les femmes_, as they say in Boolong--I'm down here to meet +the girl I'm going to marry." + +"Hope you'll find her well, sir." + +"Ah, that's just it. I shan't find her well if her old father can help +it. Damn him, he's nearly killed her with his oaths and swearing these +last two months. But it's going to stop, Britten, and stop to-night. +She's waiting for this car over at Fawley Hill, which isn't half a mile +from this very door." + +He came a step nearer and thrust the ten-pound note under my very nose. +"It's Lord Hailsham's place--straight up the hill to the right and on +to the high road from Bishop's Stortford. There's a party for a silver +wedding, and Miss Davenport is staying there with her father and +mother. Bring her to this house and I'll give you fifty pounds. +There's ten as earnest money. She's over age and can do what she +likes--and it's no responsibility of yours, anyway." + +I took the note in my hand and put a question. + +"Do I drive to the front door--I'm thinking not?" + +"You drive to the edge of the spinney which you'll find directly you +turn the corner. Wait there until Miss Davenport comes. Then drive +her straight here and your money is earned. I'll answer for the rest +and she shall answer for herself." + +I nodded my head, and, folding up the note, I put it in my pocket. The +night was clear when I drove away from the inn, but there was some mist +in the fields and a goodish bit about the spinney they had pointed out +to me. A child could have found the road, however, for it was just the +highway to Newmarket; and when I had cruised along it a couple of +hundred yards, to the very gates of Lord Hailsham's house, I turned +about and stood off at the spinney's edge, perhaps three hundred yards +away. Then I just lighted a cigarette and waited, as I had been told +to do. + +It was a funny job, upon my word. Sometimes I laughed when I thought +about it; sometimes I had a bit of a shiver down my back, the sort of +thing which comes to a man who's engaged in a rum affair, and may not +come well out of it. As for the party Lord Hailsham was giving, there +could be no doubt about that. I had seen the whole house lighted up +from attic to kitchen, and some of the lights were still glistening +between the pollards in the spinny; while the stables themselves seemed +alive with coachmen, carriages, and motor-cars. The road itself was +the only secluded spot you could have pointed out for the third of a +mile about--but that was without a living thing upon it, and nothing +but a postman's cart passed me for an hour or more. + +I should have told you that I had turned the car and that she now stood +with her headlights towards home. The mists made the night very cold, +and I was glad to wrap myself up in one of the guvnor's rugs and smoke +a packet of cigarettes while I waited. From time to time I could hear +the music of fiddles, and they came with an odd echo, just as though +some merry tune of long ago chided me for being there all alone. When +they ceased I must have dropped asleep, for the next thing I knew was +that some one was busy about the car and that my head-lamps had both +gone out. Be sure I jumped up like a shot at this, and "Hallo," cried +I, "what the devil do you think you are doing?" Then I saw my mistake. +The new-comer was a girl, one of the maids of the house, it appeared, +and she was stowing luggage into the car. + +"Oh," says I, "then Miss Davenport is coming, is she?" + +The girl went on with her work, hardly looking at me. When she did +speak I thought her voice sounded very odd; and instead of answering me +she asked a question: + +"Do you know the road to Colchester?" + +"To Colchester?" + +"You take the first to the left when we leave here--then go right ahead +until I tell you to stop. Understand, whatever happens you are to get +ahead as fast as you can. The rest is with----" + +He came to an abrupt halt, and no wonder. If you had given me ten +thousand pounds to have kept my tongue still, I would have lost the +money that instant. For who do you think the maid was? Why, no other +than the starchy valet, Joseph, I had seen at Mr. Colmacher's flat. + +"Up you get, my boy," he cried, throwing all disguise to the winds, +"Don't you hear that noise? They have discovered Miss Davenport is +going and the job's off. We'll tell Benny in the morning--the thing to +do to-night is to show them our heels and sharp about it." + +He bade me listen, and I heard the ringing of an alarm bell, the +barking of hounds, and then the sound of many voices. Some suspicion, +ay, more than that, a pretty shrewd guess at the truth was possible +then, and I would have laid any man ten pounds to nothing that "love" +was not much in this business, whatever the real nature of it might be. +For that matter, the fellow had hardly got the words out of his mouth +when the glitter of something bright he had dropped on the ground, +caused me to stoop and to pick up a gold watch bracelet set in +diamonds. The same instant I heard a man running on the road behind +me, and who should come up but the very "ne'er-do-well" who helped me +to wash down my car but yesterday morning. + +"Hold that man!" he cried, throwing himself at the valet. "He's +Marchant, the Yankee hotel robber--hold him in the King's name--I'm a +police officer, and I have a warrant." + +Now, this was something if you like, and I don't think any one is going +to wonder either at my surprise, or at the hesitation which overtook +me. To find myself, in this way, confronted by two men who had seemed +so different from what they were, and that not twenty-four hours ago; +to discover one of them disguised as a woman and the other saying he +was a police officer--well, do you blame me for standing there with my +mouth wide open, and my eyes staring with the surprise of it? Pity I +did so, all the same, for the "ne'er-do-well" was on the floor next +moment, and it didn't need a second look to tell me that it would be a +long time before he got up again. + +I shall never forget if I live a hundred years (which would be pretty +lucky for a man who thinks less than nothing of speed limits and is +known to all the justices in Sussex), I shall never forget the way that +valet turned on poor Kennaway (for that was the detective's name) and +laid him flat on the grass. Such a snarl of rage I never heard. The +man seemed transformed in an instant from a silent, reserved, taciturn +servant to a very maniac, fighting with teeth and claw, cursing and +swearing horribly, and as strong as a gorilla. + +Again and again he struck at his victim, the heavy blows sounding like +the thud of iron upon a carpet; and long before I got my wits back and +leaped to Kennaway's assistance, that poor fellow was insensible and +moaning upon the grass at the roadside. The next thing that I knew +about it was that I had a revolver as close to my forehead as a +revolver will ever be, and that the man Joseph was pushing me toward +the car, the while he said something to which I must listen if I would +save my life. + +"Get up, you fool," he cried. "Do you want me to treat you as I've +treated him? Get up, or by the Lord I'll blow your brains out!" + +Well, judge me for it how you will, but I obeyed him as any child. +What I had tried to do for poor Kennaway was shown by the cut across my +forehead, which I shall carry to my dying day. Such strength and such +temper I have never known in any man, and they frightened me beyond all +words to tell you. There are human beings and human animals, and this +fellow was of the latter sort. No raving maniac could have done worse +to any fellow creature; and when I got up to the driver's seat and +started the engine, my hands trembled so that I could hardly keep them +on the wheel. + +We jumped away, a roar of voices behind us and the alarm bell of the +house still ringing. What was in my head was chiefly this, that I was +going out upon the road with this madman for a companion, and that +sooner or later he would make an end of me. Judge of my position, +knowing, as I did, that a murderer sat in the tonneau behind, and that +he held a revolver at full cock in his hand. My God! it was an awful +journey, the most awful I shall ever make. + +He would kill me when it suited him to do it. I was as sure of it as +of my own existence. In one mile or twenty, here in the lanes of +Cambridgeshire, or over yonder when we drew near to the sea, this +madman would do the business. More fearful than any danger a man can +face was this peril at the back of me. I listened for a word or sound +from him; I tried to look behind me and see what he was doing. He +never made a movement, and for miles we roared along that silent road, +through the mists and the darkness to the unknown goal--a murderer and +his victim, as I surely believed myself to be. + +There is many a man who has the nerve for a sudden call, but few who +can stand a trial long sustained. All that I can tell you of what fear +is like, the fear of swift death, and of the pain and torture of it, +would convey nothing to you of my sensations during that mad drive. +Sometimes I could almost have wished that he would make an end of it +then and there, shooting me in mercy where I sat, and sparing me the +agony of uncertainty. But mile after mile we went without a sound from +him; and when, in sheer despair, I slowed down and asked him a +direction, he was on me like a tiger, and I must race again for very +life. Through Haverhill, thence to Sibil Ingham and Halstead--ay, +until the very spires of Colchester stood out in the dawn light, that +race went on. And I began to say that he might spare me after all, +that I was necessary to him, and that his destination was Harwich and +the morning steamer to Holland. Fool! it was then he fired at me, then +that the end came. + +I thought that I heard him move; some instinct--for there is an +instinct in these things, let others say what they please--caused me to +turn half about, and detect him standing in the tonneau. No time for +prudence then, no time for resolution or anything but that fear of +death which paralyses the limbs and seems to still the very heart. +With a cry that was awful to hear, he fired his pistol, and I heard the +report of it as thunder in my ear, the while the powder burned my face +as the touch of red-hot iron. But a second shot he never fired. A +sudden lurch, as I let go the wheel, sent the car bounding on to the +grass at the road-side, threw the murderer off his balance and hurled +him backwards. There was a tremendous crash, I found myself beneath +the tonneau, and then, as it seemed, on the top of it again. At last I +went rolling over and over on to the grass, and lay there, God knows +how long, in very awe and terror of all that had overtaken me. + +But the valet himself was stone dead, caught by the neck as the car +went over and crushed almost beyond recognition. And that was the +judgment upon him, as I shall believe to my life's end. + + * * * * * + +They never caught old "Benny," not for that job, at any rate. He +turned out to be the head of a swindling crew, known in America and +Paris as the "Red Poll" gang, because of his beautiful sandy hair. He +must have been wanted for fifty jobs in Europe, and as many on the +other side. As for his supposed son, Mr. Walter, and the valet +Marchant, they were but two of the company. And why they came to +engage me was because of a motor accident to the man Walter, which put +him out of the running when the burglary job at Lord Hailsham's was to +be undertaken. + +Kennaway, the detective, was three months in hospital after his little +lot. It was clever of him to make me post a telegram on the road, for, +directly he got it, he wired to the Chief Constable at Cambridge, and +came on himself by train. The local police furnished a list of all the +house-parties being held about Royston that week-end, and, of course, +as Lord Hailsham was celebrating his silver wedding, it didn't need +much wit to send Kennaway there; the valet, meanwhile, being already in +the house, disguised as a maid. + +We were to have had a bit of a silver wedding ourselves, it appears, +for I doubt not "Benny" would have led all the silver, to say nothing +of the gold and precious stones, to the altar as soon as possible. But +the best laid schemes of mice and men gang aft agley, as do motor-cars +when the man who's driving them has a pistol at his head. + + + + +III + +IN ACCOUNT WITH DOLLY ST. JOHN + +My old father used to say that "woman's looks were his only books and +folly was all they taught him," which shows, I suppose, that what he +knew about the sex he learned from a circulating library. + +Anyway, he never drove a motor-car, or he would have written in another +strain. Sometimes I pick up a piece in the newspapers about women and +then I laugh to myself, thinking how many mugs there are in the world +and how they were born for the other sex to make game of. Let 'em get +on the driver's seat and take madam round an afternoon or two. There +won't be much talk about gentle shepherdesses after that, I'll +wager--though if a crook or two don't get into the story I'm Dutchman. + +Well, you must know that this is about Dolly St. John--a little +American girl, who hired a car from the Empire Company when I was one +of its drivers, and had a pretty little game with us. I used to go for +her every afternoon to some hotel or the other, and always a different +one, she not being domesticated, so to speak, and never caring to +overstay her welcome. + +A daintier little body was never fitted upon a chassis. There are some +who like them fair, and some who like them dark--but Dolly St. John was +betwixt and between, neither the one nor the other, but a type that +gets there every time, and turns twenty heads when a policeman stops +you at a crossing. + +It's very natural that young women should like to talk to their +drivers; and, if the truth were told, some of them will tell us things +they would never speak of, no, not to their own husbands, if they've +got any. Dolly was one of these, and a more talkative little body +never existed. I knew her history the very first afternoon I took her +round; and by the third, I could have told you that she had met the +Hon. John Sarand, and meant to marry him, even if his old father, Lord +Badington, had to go on the halls in consequence. + +I had driven Dolly about three weeks, if I remember rightly, when our +people first began to get uneasy. It was all very well for her to talk +about her uncle, Nathaniel St. John, of New York City, who made a +hundred thousand dollars a day by blowing bubbles through a telephone; +but her bill for seventy-five sixteen and four remained unpaid, and +when Hook-Nosed Moss, our manager, asked her for it, all he got was a +cigarette out of a bon-bon box, and an intimation that if he came on a +similar errand again, she'd write to the papers about it. Had she not +been a born little actress, who could have earned twenty a week on any +stage in London, the man would have closed the deal on the spot, and +left it to the lawyers. But she just tickled him like a carburettor, +and he went home to say that the money was better than Consols, and the +firm making a fool of itself. + +I drove her for another week after this, chiefly to the theatre with +the Honorary John, and to supper afterwards. She had a wonderful mania +for shopping, and used to spend hours in Regent Street, while I read +the _Auto-Car_ outside, and fell to asking myself how long it would +last. You don't deceive the man who drives the car--be sure of it. +Either she led the Honorary John to the financial altar, or her poor +uncle would be on the Rocky Mountains--I hadn't a doubt of it. + +I liked her, that goes without saying. A man's a fool who tells you +that a pretty woman's charm is less because her bankers are wondering +how they shall get the cheque-book back, and the tradesman round the +corner is blotting his ledger with tears. In a way I was in love with +Miss Dolly, and would have married her myself upon any provocation; but +before I could make up my mind to it either way, she'd gone like a +flash, and half the bill collectors in London after her. This I +learned during the week following the disappearance. She sent for me +one day to pick her up at Joran's Hotel, and when I got there, and the +hotel porter had handed out two rugs and a Pomeranian, down comes the +chambermaid to say madam had not returned since eleven o'clock. And +then I knew by some good instinct that the game was up--and, handing +the Pomeranian back, I said, "Be good to him, for he's an orphan." + +This was a surmise--a surmise and nothing more; and yet how true it +proved! I had a 'tec with me on the following afternoon, and a pretty +tale he had to tell. Not, mind you, as he himself declared, that Dolly +was really dishonest. She had left a few bills behind her; but where +is the woman who does not do that, and who would think the better of +her if she didn't? Dolly wasn't a thief by a long way--but her +shopping mania was wild enough to be written about, and she bought +thousands of pounds' worth of goods in London, just for the mere +pleasure of ordering them and nothing more. + +I often laugh when I think how she fooled the tradesmen in Bond Street +and the West End. Just imagine them bowing and scraping when she told +'em to send home a thousand-pound tiara, or a two-hundred-guinea white +fox, and promised they should be paid on delivery. Why, they strewed +her path with bows and smiles--and when they sent home the goods to a +flat by Regent's Park--an address she always gave--they found it empty +and no one there to take delivery. No more bows and smiles after that; +but what could they do, and what offence had she committed? That was +just what the 'tec asked me, and I could not answer. + +"We know most of 'em," he said, "but she's a right-down finger-print +from the backwoods. Nathaniel St. John cables from New York that he +doesn't know her, but will be pleased to make her acquaintance, if +we'll frank her over. I tell these people they can sue her--but, man, +you might as well sue the statue of Oliver Cromwell----" + +"He being stony-broke likewise," said I. "Well, she had a run for her +money, and here's good luck to her. I hope that I haven't seen her for +the last time." + +"If you have," says he, "put me in Madame Tussaud's. When next you +hear of Dolly St. John it will be in something big. Remember that when +the day comes." + +I told him I would not forget it, and we parted upon it. Dolly was a +pretty bit of goods for a tea-party, but a driver sees too many faces +to keep one over-long in his memory, and I will say straight out, that +I had forgotten her very name when next I saw her, and was just about +the most astonished man inside the four-mile radius when I picked her +up one fine afternoon at a West End hotel, and she told me we were +going to drive into the country together. + +"But," says I, "this car has been hired by Miss Phyllis More----" + +"Oh, you stupid man!" cried she. "Don't you see that I am Miss Phyllis +More? I thought you were clever enough to understand that ladies +change their names sometimes, Britten. Now, why shouldn't I be Phyllis +More if I wish to? Are you going to be unkind enough to tell people +about it? I'm sure you are not, for you were so very good to me when +last I was in England." + +Now all this took place in her private room, to which I had been sent +up by the porter. Three months had passed since I drove Dolly and the +Honorary John, but not a whit had she changed; and I found her just the +same seductive little witch with the dimples and the curly brown hair, +who had played the deuce with the West End tradesmen last +Christmas-time. Beautifully dressed in green, with a pretty motor +veil, she was a picture I must say; and when I looked at her and +remembered Hook-Nosed Moss, our traffic manager at the Empire Company, +and how he docked me four and nine last Saturday, I swore I'd take her; +yes, if she ordered me to drive through to San Francisco. + +"I don't suppose I ought to do it, miss," I said, "unless your uncle in +New York has left you anything----" + +"Oh," she burst out, laughing as she said it, "he's dead, Britten; +besides, I don't want any uncles now, for I shall marry Mr. Sarand +directly Lord Badington gives his consent--and that won't be long, for +we are going down to his house to-night to get it." + +I told her frankly that I was glad to hear it, and that I thought Mr. +Sarand a very lucky gentleman. What's more, I believed her story, and +I knew that if this marriage came off, there would not be much trouble +about my firm's seventy-five, and that half the tradesmen in London +would be running after Dolly again inside a week. So I made up my mind +to do it, and, sending a wire back to the yard, telling them that the +lady wanted the car for two or three days, and explaining to her that I +must buy myself some luggage as she went--for I do like a clean collar +of evenings--I was ready for Miss Phyllis More, and not at all +displeased with the venture. + +"She'd been hard put to it to keep going in London, while John did the +courting," said I to myself, "and that's what caused her to change her +name. If she doesn't catch him, we're another twenty-five down, and +Moss will have to turn Jew. Well, I can get plenty of jobs as good as +his, and there aren't many Dolly St. Johns in the world, all said and +done. I'll risk it, and take my gruelling afterwards. What's more, if +Mr. John's papa don't come up to the scratch, I'll put a word in for +myself. It would make a line in the newspapers anyway, and who knows +but what we mightn't both get engaged at the halls?" + +Of course, this was only my way of putting it; but I really was pleased +to be driving such a pretty girl again; and when her old cane trunk +came down, and we fixed it on to the grid behind, and half a dozen +hat-boxes littered up the back seats, I felt that old times had come +again, and that I was one of the luckiest drivers in the country. + +"How far are we going, miss?" I asked her when all was ready. + +"To Lord Badington's house--near Sandwich in Kent." + +"It's a longish run, and we shan't get there before dark." + +"Oh," says she, "they don't expect me until quite late; indeed, I don't +think Lord Badington himself returns before the last train from town." + +I noticed that she laid a lot of stress upon the words, "Lord +Badington," for the benefit of the hotel porters, no doubt; but I +wasn't angry with her for that, remembering that she was a single +woman, and perhaps unprotected; and without any more words we set out +across Westminster Bridge, and were very soon picking our way down the +Old Kent Road. A couple of hours later we came to Maidstone, where we +had tea; it was a quarter past five precisely when we made a new start +for Canterbury, and a good hour and a half later when we entered that +musty old town. + +I shall never forget that journey, the country just showing the buds of +spring, the roads white and beautiful, the twenty Renault running as +smooth as a beautiful clock. Three months had passed since I had +driven Miss Dolly, and this was the month of May. Yet here she was, +just the same wicked little witch as ever, trotting round on a wild +errand, and about to come out best, I could swear. As for me, I had +the sack before me for a certainty; but little I cared for that. Who +would have done, with Dolly St. John for his passenger? + +We drove through Canterbury, I say, and set the car going her best on +the fair road after Sturry is passed. I know the country hereabouts +pretty well, being accustomed to visit fashionable watering-places from +time to time, and well acquainted with Ramsgate and Margate, to say +nothing of Deal and Dover. My road lay by Monkton, down toward Pegwell +Bay, and it was just at the entrance to Minster that Dolly made me stop +without much warning, and took me into her confidence for the first +time. + +"Britten," says she, "there is something I didn't tell you, but which I +think I ought to tell you now. I'm not asked to Lord Badington's house +at all." + +"Not asked," said I, with a mouth wide enough open to swallow a pint of +gear-box "B." "Then what's the good of going there, if you're not +invited?" + +"Oh," says she, more sweetly than ever, "I think they'll be glad to +have me if I do get inside, Britten; but we shall have to act our parts +very well." + +I laughed at this. + +"Seeing that neither of us is in the theatrical line, I don't suppose +that anybody is going to take me for Sir Beerbohm Tree, or you for the +Merry Widow," says I, "but, anyway, I'll do my best." + +This pleased her, and she looked at me out of her pretty eyes, just +sweet enough to make a man think himself a beauty. + +"You see, Britten," says she, "if the car broke down just outside Lord +Badington's house, perhaps they would give me shelter for the night; at +least, I hope they would, and if they would not, well, it doesn't +really matter, and we can go and stop at the hotel at Sandwich. It +would have to be a real breakdown, for Lord Badington keeps motor-cars +of his own, and his drivers would be sure to be clever at putting +anything right----" + +"Oh," says I, quickly enough, "if they can get this car right when I +have done with it, I'll put up statues to 'em in the British Museum. +You say no more, miss. We'll break down right enough, and if you are +not breakfasting with his lordship to-morrow morning, don't blame me." + +She nodded her head; and I could swear the excitement of it set her +eyes on fire. Lord Badington's house, you must know, stands +overlooking Pegwell Bay, not very far from the golf links, while the +Ramsgate Road runs right before its doors. There is nothing but a bit +of an inn near by, and not a cottage in sight. I saw that the place +could not have been better chosen, and fifty yards from the big iron +gates I got off my seat and prepared for business. + +"You're really sure that you mean this, miss?" I asked her, knowing +what women are. "You won't change your mind afterwards, and blame me +because the car isn't going?" + +"How can you ask such a thing?" was her answer. "Doesn't my whole +future depend on our success, Britten?" + +"Then you won't have long to wait," I rejoined, and, opening the +bonnet, I set to work upon the magneto, and in twenty minutes had done +the job as surely as it could have been done by the makers themselves. + +"If this car is going on to-night," said I, "some one will have to push +it. Now will you please tell me what is the next move, miss, for I'm +beginning to think I should like my supper?" + +She was down on the road herself by this time, and pretty enough she +looked in her motor veil, and the beautiful sables which Mr. Sarand had +given her last winter. When she told me to go on to the house, and to +say that a lady's motor-car had broken down at the gates, I would have +laid twenty to one on the success of her scheme, always provided that +we weren't left to the menials who bark incivilities at a nobleman's +door. Here luck stood by Miss Dolly, for hardly had I pulled the great +bell at Lord Badington's gate when his own car came flying up the +drive, with his lordship himself sitting in the back of it. + +"What do you want, my man?" he asked, in a quick, sharp tone--he's a +wonder for fifty-two, and there has been no smarter man in the Guards +since he left them. "Where do you come from?" + +"Begging your pardon, sir," said I, for I didn't want to pretend that I +knew him for a lord, "but my mistress's car has come by a bit of +trouble, and she sent me to ask if any one could help her." + +"What, you're broken down----" + +"It's just that, sir; magneto gone absolutely wrong. I shall have to +be towed if I go any further to-night." + +He stood on the steps beside me, and seemed to hesitate an instant. A +word and he would have told his own chauffeur to drive us on to +Sandwich; but it was never spoken, and I'll tell you why. Miss Dolly +herself had followed me up the drive, and she arrived upon the scene at +that very instant. + +"Oh, I am so sorry to trouble you," she cried in her sweetest voice, +"but my car's gone all wrong, and I'm so tired and hungry, I don't know +what to do. Will you let me rest here just a little while?" + +Talk about actresses; there isn't one of 'em in the West End would have +done half so well. There she was, looking the picture of distress, and +there was his lordship, twisting his moustache, and eyeing her as one +who was at his wits' end to know what to do. If he didn't take long to +come to a resolution, put it down to Dolly's blue eyes--he couldn't see +the colour of them at that time of night, but he could feel them, I'll +be bound; and, jumping, as it were, to a conclusion he turned to his +man and gave him an order. + +"This lady will stay here to-night," he said. "Go and help her driver +to get the car in, and see that he is looked after," and without +another word he waited for Miss Dolly to enter the house. Believe me, +I never thought Mr. John's stock stood higher--and "Britten, my boy," +says I to myself, "if this isn't worth a cool fifty when the right time +comes, don't you never drive a pretty girl no more." + +I had a rare lark that night, partly with Biggs, his lordship's +chauffeur, and partly with a motor expert who came along on a bicycle, +and said he'd have my Renault going in twenty minutes. I'm not one +that can stand a billet in servants' quarters, and I chose rather to +put up at the little inn down by the bay and take my luck there. It +was here that Biggs came after supper, and he and the motor expert got +going on my high-tension magneto. + +Bless the pair of them, they might have been a month there, and no +better off--for, you must know that I had taken out the armature, and +if you take out an armature and don't slip a bit of soft iron in after +it, your magnets are done for, and will never be worth anything again +until they are re-magnetised. This baffled the pair of them, and they +were there until after eleven o'clock, drinking enough beer to float a +barge, and confessing that it was a mystery. + +"Never see such a thing in ten years' experience," said the motor +expert. + +"I'm blowed if I don't think the devil has got inside the magneto," +said Biggs; and there I agreed with him. For wasn't it Miss Dolly who +had done it, and isn't she--but there, that wouldn't be polite to the +sex, so I won't write it down. + +I learned from Biggs that Lord Badington's daughter and stepson were +staying in the house with him, and a couple of old gentlemen, who, when +they weren't making laws at Westminster, were making fools of +themselves on the links at Sandwich. It was a golfing party, in fact, +and next morning early, Biggs took them on to Prince's--and, will you +believe me?--the car came back for the ladies by-and-by, and off went +Miss Dolly, as calmly as though she had known them all her life. Not a +word to me, not a word about going on, or getting the car ready, but +just a nod and a laugh as she went by, and a something in her eyes +which seemed to say, "Britten, I'm doing famously, and I haven't +forgotten you." + +The same afternoon about tea-time she sent for me, and had a word with +me in the hall. I learned then that she had promised to stop until the +following morning, and she asked, in a voice which nobody could +mistake, if the car would be ready. When I told her that I was waiting +for a new magneto from London I thought she would kiss me on the spot. + +"Oh, Britten," she said in a whisper, "suppose we couldn't get on for +three or four days." + +"In that case," said I, "I should consider that we were really +unfortunate, miss, but I'll do my best." + +"Are you comfortable at the inn, Britten?" + +"Putting on flesh rapidly, miss. I never knew there were so many red +herrings in the world." + +"And your room?" + +"They built it when they thought the King was coming to Sandwich." + +She laughed and looked at me, and, just as I was leaving, she +whispered, "Do make it three or four days, Britten," and I promised her +with a glance she could not mistake. And why not? What was against +us? Was it not all plain sailing? Truly so, but for one little fact. +I'll tell you in a word--Hook-Nosed Moss and the old bill he carried +about like a love-letter--a bill against Dolly St. John for +seventy-five pounds sixteen shillings and fourpence. + +Well, Moss came down from town suddenly on the second afternoon, and +while he carried a new magneto under his arm, the bill was in his +pocket right enough. I was standing at the inn door as he drove up in +a fly, and when I recognised the face, you might have knocked me down +with a cotton umbrella. Not, mind you, that I lost my presence of +mind, or said anything foolish, but just that I felt sorry enough for +Dolly St. John to risk all I'd got in the world to save her from this +land shark. That Moss had found her out, I did not doubt for an +instant, and his first words told me I was right. + +"Do you know who you've been trotting about the country?" he asked, as +he stepped down. I replied that I did not, but that I believed the +lady to be a relative of Lord Badington's. Then he was fair angry. + +"Lord Badington be d----d," he said, speaking through his nose as he +always did, "her dabe's Dolly Sid John, and she's the sabe who did us +id de winter. I wonder you were such a precious fool as not to +recognise her. Do you mean to dell me you didn't dow her?" + +"What!" I cried, opening my eyes wide, "she Dolly St. John! Well, you +do surprise me; and she gone to Dover this very afternoon--leastwise, +if it isn't to Dover, it's to Folkestone--but Biggs would tell us. Are +you quite sure about it, sir?" + +He swore he was sure, and went on to tell me that if I hadn't been the +greatest chump in Europe I would have known it from the start. + +"Where are your eyes?" he kept asking me; "do you mean to say you can +drive a woman for ted days in London and not dow her again three months +afterwards? A fine sort of chap you are. You deserve a statue in the +Fools' Museum, upod my word you do. Now take me to the car, and let's +see what's the matter. I'll have more to say to you whed we're in +London, you mark that, my man." + +I didn't give him any cheek, much as I would have liked to. My game +was to protect Miss Dolly as far as I was able, and to hold my tongue +for her sake. + +Clearly her position was perilous. If this dun of a Jew went up to the +house, and told them her name was not More, but St. John, the fat would +be in the fire with a vengeance, and her chance of marrying John Sarand +about equal to mine of mating with the crowned heads of Europe. What +to do I knew no more than the dead. I had no messenger to send up to +the house; I dare not leave Moss to get talking to the people of the +inn; and there I was, helping him to fit and time the new magneto, and +just feeling I'd pay ten pounds for the privilege of knocking him down +with his own spanner. + +We finished the job in about half an hour, and the Renault started up +at once. Moss hadn't spoken of Miss Dolly while we were at work; but +directly the engine started he remembered his business, and turned on +me like a fury. + +"Whed did you say she started off?" he asked. + +"About two this afternoon, I think." + +"In whose car?" + +"Why, his lordship's, of course." + +"She seems pretty thick with the dobility. Perhaps I'd better give her +a chadce of paying?" + +I smiled. + +"There's boats to France at Dover," said I. "What if she's going over +by the night mail?" + +He looked at me most shrewdly. + +"I can't make you out, Britten," says he; "either you are the greatest +fool or the greatest rogue id my ebployment. Subtimes you seeb clever +enough, too. Suppose we rud the car over to Dover and see what's doing +there." + +"Yes," said I, "and you can telephone to the pier at Folkestone to have +her stopped if she's sailing from there." + +He snapped his fingers and smiled all over his face. + +"That's it!" he cried. "If she's leaving the coudtry I'll arrest her. +I wish you'd been half as sharp when you picked her up id London." + +"It's these motor veils," said I. "You can't expect a man to see +through three thicknesses of shuffon--now can you, Mr. Moss?" + +It was a lucky shot, and, upon my word, I really do believe that I +began to wheedle him, Whether I did, or whether I did not, we had the +car upon the road in ten minutes, and were off for Dover before a +quarter of an hour had passed. Previous to that I had slipped into the +inn on the pretence of leaving my coat, and had left a letter for Miss +Dolly to be taken up by Biggs, when he came there to meet me for our +evening walk. "Moss is here," I wrote, "look out for yourself." + +I laugh now when I think of that journey to Dover, and old Shekels Moss +sitting like a hawk on the seat beside me. What lies I had to tell +him--what starts I gave him, when I pointed out that she might have +gone by the afternoon boat, or perhaps motored right on to Southampton. +My own idea was to stop the night at Dover, whatever happened, and no +sooner had we drawn up at the "Lord Warden," than I had a penknife into +the off front tyre, and turned my back when the wind fizzed out. This +stopped the run to Folkestone straight away, and, by the time I'd done +the job, Moss said he thought he would telephone the police, as I +suggested, describing Miss Dolly, but saying nothing about his lordship. + +"He might do pusiness with us, Britten," he remarked. "I won't have +his dabe in it--but I'll tell him about her directly I get the chadce, +and she won't be long in his house, dow will she?" + +"Perhaps not," said I; "but if she marries his lordship's son, the boot +will be on the other leg. You'd better think of that, Mr. Moss." + +"What I want is my modey," he rejoined. "If she don't pay, she goes to +prison--I dow too much about the peerage to be stuffed with promises. +Either the modey or the writ. I'll feed here, Britten, and go back to +Sadwich, if she's not on the boats. Perhaps we were a couple of fools +to come at all." + +I said nothing, but was pretty sure that one fool had come along in the +car, anyway. My business was to keep Moss at Dover as long as might +be, and in that I succeeded well enough. Nothing could save Miss Dolly +if he went blundering up to Lord Badington's house with his story of +what she'd done in London, and how fond certain West End tradesmen had +become of her. Given time enough, I believed the pretty little lady +would wheedle his lordship to consent to her marriage with Mr. Sarand. +But time she must have, and if she did not get it, well, then, time of +another kind might await her. It would have broken my heart to see +misfortune overtake pretty Dolly St. John, and I swore that it should +not, if any wit of mine could prevent it. + +Moss took about an hour and a half over his dinner, and when he came +out he was picking his teeth with a great steel prong, and looking as +pleased as though he had done the hotel waiters out of fourpence. I +saw that he had come to some resolution, and that it was a satisfactory +one. There was a twinkle in his little eyes you could not mistake, and +he shook his head while he talked to me, just as though I were buying +old clothes of him at twice their value. + +"Britten," he asked, "are you all ready?" + +"Quite ready, sir," said I--for I'd just that minute shoved my knife +into another tyre. "Are you going back to Sandwich?" + +"I'm going to Lord Badington's," says he, with a roar of laughter, "why +not? I'm going to ask for Miss Phyllis More, and say she's an ode fred +of the family. Ha, ha! what do you think of that, Britten? Will I get +the modey or won't I? Well, we'll see, my boy--so start her up, and be +quick about it." + +I said "Yes, sir," and went round to the front of the car. My cry of +astonishment when I saw the burst tyre would have done credit to Mr. +Henry Irving himself. Perhaps I said some things I shouldn't have +said--Moss did, anyway, and he raved so loud that the ostler had to +tell him his wife and children were upstairs. + +"Another tyre gone--what do I pay you wages for? Adser me that! Who +the ---- is going to pay the bill? Don't you see I must get to Sadwich +to-night? A pretty sort of a dam fool you must be. Now you get that +car going in twedy minutes, or I'll leave you in the street--so help me +heaven I will----" And so on and so on, until I could have dropped for +laughing where I stood. + +It was touching to hear him, upon my word it was; but I held my tongue +for Miss Dolly's sake, and went to work quietly to take off the cover +and examine the tube for the cut I didn't mean to find. When I told +him presently that this was the last tube we had, and he'd better give +me two pound eight to go and buy a new one, I thought his language +would blow the ships out of the harbour; but he never gave me the +money, and then I knew that he meant to stay at Dover all night, and +that Miss Dolly had until the morning, anyway. "And by that time," +said I to myself, "she'll be off to London if she's clever enough, and +perhaps find Mr. Sarand at the station to meet her." + +I slept upon this--for you will understand that Moss had no real +intention of going on that night, after he heard about the tubes--and +at nine o'clock next morning I had my car ready, and drove her round to +the "Lord Warden." The run to Sandwich is not over-exciting in an +ordinary way, but I found it quite lively enough on that particular +occasion, when there were all sorts of doubts and fears in my head +about Miss Dolly, and the sure and certain knowledge that I should get +the sack whatever happened. Indeed, I might properly have been more +anxious about myself than the lady, for I never doubted that she would +have made a bolt for London by the time we arrived, and there was no +more disappointed man in Thanet when, on reaching the inn, Biggs told +me that she was still at the house. An inquiry whether he had +delivered my letter met with the amazing response that they had given +him no letter, and when I rushed into the house to ask what had become +of it, there it was, on the mantelshelf of the bar-parlour, just where +I had left it. Never did a man meet with a worse blow. I knew then +that Miss Dolly was done for, and I did not believe that the day could +pass and keep the police from Lord Badington's doorstep. + +I should tell you that Moss had called at the police station at +Sandwich as we drove through, and that a sergeant and a constable came +over to the inn on bicycles about midday. Their questioning me helped +them a mighty lot, for I contrived to look as foolish as a yokel when +you ask him the way to Nowhere; and all I could tell them was that the +lady had come down upon Lord Badington's invitation, and, when she was +tired of it, I supposed she would go away again. All of which they +took down in pocket-books about as large as a family Bible, and then +set out for the house, while I watched them with my heart in my very +boots, and the sort of feeling that might overtake a man if the police +set out to arrest his own sweetheart. + +Biggs, I should tell you, was with me when this happened, and mighty +curious he was about it all. Of course, I told him that Moss was +making a fool of himself, and that there would be a pretty action +afterwards if he didn't behave properly to Miss Dolly. None the less, +he was just as curious as I was, and directly the other party had left, +we followed on their heels, and were through the lodge gates almost as +soon as they were. As for Lal Britten, his heart went pat-a-pat, like +a girl's at a wedding. I could have knocked Moss down cheerful, and +paid forty bob for doing it with the greatest pleasure in my life. But +that wouldn't have helped Miss Dolly, you see, so I just trudged up the +drive after Moss, and said nothing whatever to anybody. + +Bless us all--how the chap did walk. There he was, head bent down, +shoulders sagging, his step shuffling as though he wore slippers, and +in his eyes that money fever which, to me, is one of the most awful +things in all the world. Even the police were rather disgusted with +him, I think, and the sergeant told me afterwards that he would have +paid fifty pounds to have got out of the job. For that matter, neither +he nor his underling said a word to Moss when they rang at the front +door bell, and they didn't seem to think it at all wonderful that Biggs +and I should be upon the doorstep with them. So all together we waited +quite a long time before old Hill, the butler, came jauntily along the +great corridor, and opened to us very deliberately. And now for it, I +thought--and oh, my poor Dolly, whatever is going to happen to you! + +"Party of the dabe of Miss More--is she sdaying in this house?" asks +Moss, half pushing his way in, and trying to look impudent. You should +have seen the butler's face when he answered him. + +"Who the devil are you?" he asked, "and what do you mean by coming here +like this? Outside, my man, or I'll put you there pretty quick." + +He took Moss by the collar, and, turning him about as though he were a +babe, shoved him on the wrong side of the door before you could have +said "knife." Then he turned to the sergeant. + +"What's all this, Sergeant Joyce?" he asked. "Why do you bring this +person here?" + +"Oh," stammered the sergeant, "he says that a certain Miss More----" + +"I beg you pardon," cried the butler quickly, "I think you should speak +of Lady Badington--my master left for Paris at eight o'clock this +morning." + +"What!" roared Moss--and you could have heard him on the Goodwin +Sands--"Lord Badington's married her?" + +"I believe those are the facts," says Hill, very quietly--and +then--well, and then I sat down on the doorstep and I laughed until the +tears ran down my face. Oh, Lord! oh, Lord!--and Moss's face! But you +will understand all that, and how the sergeant looked, and the smile on +the butler's face, without me saying a single word about it. + +"Take a week's notice, and be d----d to you!" cried I, turning upon my +master all of a sudden. "Do you think I'll serve with a man who sent +policemen after his best customers? You go to hell, Moss--where you +ought to have been long ago," and with that I just walked off down the +drive, and Biggs with me. Lord, what an afternoon we had! And the +night we spent afterwards in Ramsgate! + +For, you see, it was quite true. Old Lord Badington, who never could +look at a pretty woman twice without falling in love with her, found +himself mostly alone with Mistress Dolly at Sandwich, and, by all that +is true and wonderful, he married her. + +Not that she was Dolly St. John at all, you must know, but Dolly +Hamilton in reality; and connected, I am told, with the old American +family, the Hamiltons of Philadelphia. What she did in London was +done, I do believe, for the sheer excitement of doing it. And if folks +have called her an adventuress, set that down to the rogues of +trustees, who played ducks and drakes with her fortune, and left her in +Europe to shift as best she might. + +I got a hundred pounds for that job, sent by Miss Dolly herself from +Venice. Moss got his car back, and three or four punctured tubes. +Some day, I suppose, they'll pay him that seventy-five pounds sixteen +shillings and four-pence. But I hope it won't be yet. + +The Honorary John, they tell me, is very angry with his papa. But I'll +back an old boy every time--notwithstanding what is written in the +papers. + + + + +IV + +THE LADY WHO LOOKED ON + +I wonder how many nowadays remember that pretty bit of goods, Maisa +Hubbard, who used to drive the racing cars in France, and was the +particular fancy of half the motormen who drive on the other side of +the blue water. + +I first met her at the Gordon Bennett of 1901, and I must say I thought +her "sample goods." It's true that many would have it she was +over-well-known in America, and more than one young man got on the +rocks because of her; but the world rather likes a bit of scandal about +a pretty woman, and there's no shorter road to the masculine favour. + +Anyway, Maisa Hubbard was popular enough down at Bordeaux, and you +might still have called her the belle of the ball on June 26 in the +year 1902, when we started from Champigny for the great race across the +Arlberg Mountains. That was the occasion, you will remember, when two +of our little company did something by way of a record in smashing up +their cars--but the story of one of these, Max, who drove for a French +company, has so often been told that I shall certainly not re-tell it +here. The other is a different story, and since it is the story of a +good man, a good car, and a pretty woman, there's no reason why Lal +Britten should not put his pen to it. + +Well, I was driving for an English company at that time, the Vezey they +called themselves, though Wheezy would have been the better name. Such +a box of tricks I do believe was never put upon a chassis before or +since. It took two of us to start the engine in the morning, and the +same number to persuade her to leave off firing at night. The works +manager, Mr. Nathan, whose Christian name was Abraham, said that she'd +done eighty miles an hour with him easily; but the only time I got her +over fifty she broke her differential by way of an argument, and +nothing but a soft place in a hayfield saved me from the hospital. All +of which, of course, was good advertisement for the firm--and, truly, +if it came to making a noise in the world, why, you could hear their +car a good quarter of a mile away. + +This was the flier I took over to France and tried to break in upon the +fine roads we all know so well. As I finished the race almost before I +began it, the less said about the affair the better--but I shall never +forget that Paris to Vienna meeting, and I shall never forget it +because of my friend Ferdinand,[1] one of the best and bravest who ever +turned a wheel, and the right winner of that great prize, but for the +woman who said "No," and said it so queerly and to such effect that a +magician out of the story-books couldn't have done it better. + +I liked Ferdinand, liked him from the start. A better figure of a man +I shall never see; six feet to an inch, square set and wonderfully +muscular. His hair was dark and ridiculously curly, so much so that +talk of the "irons and brown paper" was the standing joke amongst the +racing men in Paris, who knew no more of him than that he was an +Italian by birth and had spent half his life in America. For the rest, +he spoke English as well as I did, and I never knew whether Ferdinand +was his real name, or one he took for the racecourse--nor did I care. + +They say that there is no cloud without a silver lining--a poor +consolation in a thunderstorm when your hood is at home and the nearest +tree is three miles away. There had been a thunderstorm, I remember, +on the morning I met poor Ferdinand, and my batteries had refused to +hand out another volt, notwithstanding the plainest kind of speech in +which I could address them. Just in the middle of it, when the rain +was running in at the neck and out at the ankles, and I was asking +myself why I wasn't a footman in yellow plush breeches, what should +happen but that a great red car came loping up on the horizon, like +some mad thing answering to the lightning's call--and no sooner was it +a mile distant than it was by me, so to speak, and I was listening to +my friend Ferdinand for the first time. + +"Halloa, and what's taken your fancy in these parts?" he asked in a +cheery voice. I told him as plainly. + +"This musical box don't like the thunder," said I; "she's turned sour." + +"Are you stopping here for the lady, or do you want to get back to +Paris?" + +"Oh," says I, "I haven't taken a lease of this particular furlong, if +that's what you mean." + +"Then I'll give you a tow," says he, and without another word, he got +down from his seat and began to make a job of it. We were at Vendreux +half an hour afterwards, and there we breakfasted together in the +French fashion. That meal, I always say, was the luckiest friend +Ferdinand ever ate. + +He told me a lot about himself and a lot about his car; how he had been +everything in America, from log-roller in the backwoods to cook in the +Fifth Avenue palaces; how he met Herr Jornek, the designer of the +Modena car, on a trip to St. John's to explore Grand River, and how he +had come back to Europe to drive it in the big race. His luck, he +said, had been out in New York because of a woman; to get far away from +that particular lady was the inducement which carried him to Europe. + +Here was something to awaken my curiosity, as you may well imagine, and +I asked him all sorts of questions about the girl; but to no good +purpose. His interest was in the car, one of the first made by the +famous Herr Jornek, and called the Modena after the factory in that +town. He told me it was unlike any car on the market, and that new +features of gearbox, ignition, and engine design would certainly stamp +it a winner if no bad luck overtook him. This persistent talk about +misfortune set me wondering, and I fell to questioning him a little +more closely about his story, and especially that part of it which +concerned the woman. + +"Who is the lady, and how did she interfere with you?" I asked. He +would say no more than that he had known her by half a dozen names over +in America, and that she was formerly a dancer at the old Casino +Theatre in New York. + +"She's done everything," he said: "gone up in balloons, ridden horses +astride at Maddison Square Gardens, played the cowboys' show with +Buffalo Bill, and sailed an iceboat on the Great Lakes. Whenever she's +out to win I'm out to lose. Make what you like of it, it's Gospel +truth. As certain as I'm up for one of the big prizes of my life, the +girl's there to thwart me. If I were what my schoolmaster used to call +a fatalist, I'd say she was the evil prophetess who used to play ducks +and drakes with the soldier boys at Athens. But I don't believe +anything of the sort--I say it's just sheer bad luck, and that woman +stands for the figure of it." + +I was troubled to hear him, and put many more questions. How did the +girl thwart him? Was it just an idea, or had he something better to go +upon? He did not know what to say; I could see it troubled him very +much to speak of it. + +"She puts it into my head that I shall lose, and lose I do," he said; +"it's always been the same, and always will be. When I rode that great +leaping horse, Desmond, and put him over the fences, she was in the +arena with a bronco, and she just looked up to me as sweetly as a +child, and said, "Ferdy, your horse is going to fall next time," and +fall, sure enough, he did, and laid me on my bed for more than a month. +After that I rode the bicycle match against the Frenchman, Devereux, +and there she was, dressed like a picture amongst the crowd, and +smiling like an angel in the Spanish churches. When I nodded to her +she called me back a moment, and just put in her pretty word. + +"Ferdy," she said, "that Frenchman can't ride straight; he's going to +run into you, Ferdy." Will you believe it, we cannoned together at the +last corner, and I was thrown so badly that although he walked his +machine in I couldn't beat him." + +He was serious enough about it all, and I must say that his talk put +some queer ideas into my head. I've never been a believer over-much in +luck myself, holding that we make it or mar it for ourselves, and that +what some call misfortune is nothing more or less than misdoing; but +here was a tale to make a man think, and think I did while he ate his +breakfast and went on to speak of his car almost as lovingly as a man +speaks of the new girl he met for the first time yesterday. Just as we +were leaving the hotel and he was getting back to his doleful manner a +bit, I put in my word and I could see that he took it well enough. + +"All said and done," said I, "there's a little matter of three thousand +miles between you and the lady just at present. Whatever may have +happened over yonder is hardly likely to happen in La Belle France, +look at it how you like. You should think no more about it, Ferdinand. +You're to win this great race, and win it you certainly will if I'm a +judge. Why, then, think about a woman at all?" + +"Because," he replied, and he was as grave as a judge at the moment, +"because I must; I've been thinking of her ever since I picked you up. +It's queer, Britten, but I do believe you're going to bring me luck, +and that's as true as Gospel." + +"And true it shall be," said I, "if good wishes can do it, my boy. +Let's go and get the cars. My box of tricks will be melted down if I +leave it in the sun any longer. Let's get back to Paris and have some +fun; I'm sure that's what you're wanting." + +He did not object; and the storm having passed, and my coil behaving +itself properly now that the damp was off the contacts, we jogged along +the road to Paris in company with many who were returning from their +morning practice, and just a few amateurs out to see the fun. We had +gone a mile, I suppose, when we met a girl driving one of the De Dion +motor tricycles, and no sooner had I seen her than she went by with a +flash and a nod; and I knew her for little Maisa Hubbard, of whom the +town had been talking for three days past. Then I ran my car alongside +Ferdinand's just to make a remark about it--but, will you believe +me?--he was as pale as a sheet, and his eyes were staring right into +vacancy, as though a ghost stood in his path, and he didn't know how to +get by it. + +"Why," cried I, "and what's up now?" + +He brought himself to with an effort, closed his hand about the wheel, +and then answered me: + +"That's the girl, right enough," he said; "you saw her for yourself." + +"Oh, look here, I can't take that. Don't you know Maisa Hubbard, who +drove the big Panhard last autumn?" + +"I know Maisa Hubbard who used to dance at the Casino Theatre in New +York, and she's the same. Didn't I tell you she'd follow me to France?" + +"You told me a lot of things," I retorted; "perhaps you dreamed some of +them." + +"Perhaps I did," he answered, and then I was sorry I had spoken, for +his face was as sad as a woman's in sorrow, and just as pitiful. + +"You want cheering up, my boy," said I; "wait till we get back to +Paris, and I'll take you in hand myself. It's over-driving that's done +it; I've known the kind of thing, and can understand what you feel; but +you wait a bit, and then we'll see. Didn't you say I was going to +bring you luck?" + +"I did, but not while Maisa Hubbard's in France. There's no man born +could do it." + +He was down enough about it, I must say, and a more melancholy driver +never steered a car into Champigny--the place where the great race was +to start from, and our destination for the time being. When we had +done the necessary tuning up and had cleaned ourselves, I took +Ferdinand back to Paris, and gave him a bit of dinner at a little +restaurant near the Faubourg St.-Honoré. + +When we had eaten five shillings' worth for three-and-sixpence, and +drunk a good bottle of sour red wine apiece, I took him round to +"Olympia," and there we saw the famous show they called the "Man in the +Moon." This didn't cheer him up at all, and once during the evening he +told me that he thought he'd soon be in the moon himself, or any place +where they have a job for damaged racing drivers. This made me laugh +at him, but laughing wasn't any good, and I had it in my mind to take +him off to supper at a little place I knew on the Boulevards, when what +should happen but that Maisa Hubbard appeared suddenly in the promenade +where we stood, and immediately came up to him with such a smile as +might have brought a saint out of a picture to say "Good evening" to +her. + +"Why, it's Ferdy!" she cried, "and he's trying to turn his back on me. +Oh, my dear boy, whatever do you look like that for?" + +He shook hands with her quite civilly, and made some excuse about the +show and his not feeling very funny about it. She had another girl +with her, and her brother, Jerome Hubbard, the "whip" who used to drive +with Mr. Fownes. When I had been introduced, she asked me to come to +supper at a place I'd never heard of, and declared that her brother +would have a fit if we didn't disburse some of his savings immediately. +The little girl who was with her (I shan't write her name down) was a +lively bit of goods, and I was ready enough to go if only to cheer up +"Ferdy," who, to be sure, had become a different man already, and was +talking and laughing with Maisa just as though they had been first +"cousins" for a twelvemonth or more. In the end we ate Mr. Jerome's +supper, and got back to our little beds at two in the morning: not an +over-good preparation for a great race, as any driver will admit; but +my friend seemed himself again, and I would have eaten half a dozen +suppers to bring that about. + +This was two days before the meeting, I should tell you, and I saw +little of Ferdinand until that memorable June morning, when, at +half-past three precisely, Girardot got away on his C.G.V., and was +followed two minutes later by Fournier on his Mors. I have taken part +in many a big race since, but never one which excited me more than that +famous dash from Paris to Vienna, which was to make the fortune of more +than one English house, and to bring the Gordon Bennett Cup to England +for the first time in the motor story. + +I firmly believed my friend Ferdinand was to win the race, and +presentiment goes farther in this world than many folks think. Such a +dashing, daring driver I never saw. His car was a wonder. I took +several trips with him before the race, and I do believe that we made +eighty or ninety miles an hour upon her--a miracle for those days, +though not thought so much of in this year 1909. What was more, he +seemed to have forgotten all about that little devil of a Maisa Hubbard +and her prophecies, and when we breakfasted together upon the morning +of the start I would have said that he was fit to race for his life. + +And what a start it was, notwithstanding the hour! What a roaring and +racing of engines, cars tearing here and tearing there, gendarmes +everywhere, men with silver on their heads and silver on their toes; +jabbering officials telling you to do twenty things at once, and +quarrelling because you did them. The enclosure itself was like the +meat-market at Smithfield on a busy morning. I never heard so much +noise in any one place before; and if there was a man, woman, or child +who slept through it in the peaceful village of Champigny, well, he, +she, or it ought to go into a museum. + +Of course, all this was exciting enough, and I caught something of the +fever when twenty soldiers pushed my old rattle-trap into the roadway, +and a very fine gentleman gave the signal to "Go." Upon my word, I do +believe there was just a moment when I thought I could get to Vienna +before the others; and, letting my clutch in gently, and telling Billy, +my mechanician, to make himself fast, I soon had her upon third speed, +and was racing as fast as the bad road would let me towards Provins. +This was a bumpy bit, to be sure, and if I had put her on the "fourth," +some one would have had to sweep up the pieces quickly. But I kept her +steady, though the great cars began to go by like roaring locomotives +on a down incline, and really she was doing very well when the offside +front tyre asked for a change of air, and we knew that it was No. 1, so +far as punctures were concerned. + +Well, this was twenty miles from Provins, upon a long and desolate +stretch of a poor road, with a distant view of the hills and a couple +of sleepy peasants out among the hay. We had been lucky with our draw, +and started early in the list, and you can imagine my surprise when a +car flashed into view and I recognised Ferdinand, who was almost the +last to get off, and must have passed any number of cars to overtake us +as he did. My word, and he was driving, too! His great machine +frightened you to watch it, leaping over the bumps as it did, and +threatening every moment to be flung sheer off the road into the +hayfield on the other side of the dyke. But there was a master at the +wheel, and with a cheery wave of the hand to us Ferdinand went by, and +was lost immediately in a mighty cloud of dust which rose clear above +the poplars. + +I need hardly tell you how glad I was to see him doing so well, and how +I laughed at all his foolish ideas about Maisa Hubbard. Win I felt he +would, though all the ladies of the Casino ballet came out to tell him +not to; and when old Dobbin, my own particular turn-out, condescended +to move again, I pushed on for Belfort, no longer deluding myself that +I was to be within a hundred miles of the winner, but hoping that I +should get to Vienna in time to shake "Ferdy" by the hand and to tell +him what a fool he had been. + +If I didn't say this at Belfort, where Herr Jornek, the designer of the +car, stood in between us and took Ferdy away for the evening to talk to +him, it was well enough said at Brigenz. There a second halt was made; +and although we turned in at an early hour, I had plenty of time to put +the idea of winning into his head, and the idea of Maisa Hubbard out of +it. All the world knows that we had to go through France, Switzerland, +Germany, and Austria for that big race, and the Swiss part was slow +enough, since no racing was allowed by the timid old gentlemen at the +capital. Indeed, if there is one country in Europe a motorist does +well to keep out of at any time, it is Switzerland. We simply rolled +through the place on that particular journey, and at Brigenz my friend +Ferdinand was high up in the list, none but De Knyff, Jarrott, and the +Farmans being ahead of him. I told him that if he got over the Arlberg +Mountains as his car ought to get, he was winner for a certainty. And +that was the point we stuck to until it was time to turn into our +little beds and dream about to-morrow. + +"I hear that the devil himself might be frightened to drive across that +pass at any speed," said I, "and there's your chance, Ferdy. You say +it will be the making of you to win this race. Well, you give your +mind to it, and don't shirk the risks, and you're as good as a winner +already. There isn't a car in the bunch can hold you on the mountains, +and you know it." + +"You're right," said he, "and I wish I could say the same to you. But +Lal, my boy, it isn't exactly a war-horse that you've got under you, +and I can't say it is. I'm not frightened of the mountains, and can +break my neck as well as most; don't think otherwise. If my luck +holds, Lal Britten has fixed it up, and I shan't forget him when the +shekels are paid out. You may think me a bit dotty, but this I will +say, that I never felt so sure of myself or of the car as I do this +night, and if confidence and a good engine won't win across the +Arlberg, then we'll give it up, Lal, and take to perambulators." + +"Not meaning any reference to the lady," said I; but his face clouded, +and I wished I hadn't spoken. + +"She's in Paris, and thank God for it," he exclaimed, rising to go up +to bed; "if she were here in Brigenz to-night, I wouldn't give sixpence +for my chances, and that's the whole truth. Now, let's go to by-by; if +we don't, I'll be dreaming of her, and dreams won't win laurel-wreaths, +as even you will admit." + +I let him go, and followed some ten minutes later to my own room. It +was just cussedness, I suppose, which kept me back, for, as I went +across the corridor of the first floor of our hotel I heard a woman +with a laugh which struck sparks off you; and turning round, there was +Maisa Hubbard herself in a fine Paris gown and a great straw hat, with +a pink feather in it large enough to decorate the Shah. She just gave +a pleasant nod to me and then went downstairs, while I made for my +bedroom, wondering what Ferdy would have said if he had seen her, and +what real bad luck brought her to Brigenz at such a time. + +Of course, she had come on by train. Lots of people did, to follow the +racing; and here she was with a merry party, just as simple-looking and +as guileless as a shepherdess at the Vic, and looking no older than a +school-girl. When I got up at four next morning I was full of +curiosity to know if Ferdy had seen her. But he was out at his car in +the "control," cheerful enough as far as he himself was concerned, but +mighty anxious about his mechanician, Down, who had broken his arm +trying to start up the engine, and had already been taken to the +hospital. A minute later I heard that our old wheezer wouldn't start +at all, and there it was, as though a special Providence had ordered it. + +"You can't move your own char-à-banc--the crank-shaft's broken," +Ferdinand said to me, as he asked me for the tenth time to get up +beside him; "I've got no one, and I'm going to win this race. If you +could conjure up a new crankshaft out of nothing, you would still be +three behind the last in, and all the town out to laugh at you. Get +up, Lal, and have done with it. I tell you I knew it from the first." + +Well, I stared at this: and having just a word with my mechanician +Billy, and being quite sure that the Vezey, however good she was at +going back on me, wouldn't go forward that day or for some days to +come, I left instructions for telegrams to be sent to England, and was +up beside Ferdinand without further ado. + +I have told you that he stood already high in the list, and so you will +understand that we hadn't long to wait for the word "Go!" Before that +could be given, however, and while the car was still in the "control," +who should come up to us but Maisa Hubbard herself; and, will you +believe it, I felt all my confidence, both in man and car, oozing out +of my finger-tips, just like water running out of a tap. How or why +that should have been I am not the man to say; but there was the fact, +that this pretty woman could work this magic upon me just by a look out +of her sly eyes, and could do worse to my friend Ferdinand, as I +plainly perceived. As for that poor chap, he turned as white as a +ghost directly he saw her, and I really thought he would never be able +to start the car at all. + +"Oh, my dear boy, I have been looking for you everywhere," cried she, +offering him a little bunch of red roses, just as though she loved him +dearly. "Now, won't you take these for luck? I'm sure you'll want +luck to-day, Ferdy. Do you know, I dreamed about you last night?" + +He said "Yes," and laid the flowers on the seat beside him. I could +see him licking his lips as though his mouth were dry, and presently he +asked her a question. + +"What did you dream, Maisa?" + +She shook her head and began the play-actress style. + +"Oh, I guess I wouldn't tell you, anyway." + +"But I want to know, Maisa?" + +"It was only a dream, of course--aren't they real sometimes, Ferdy? +Why, I saw you drive your car over the side of the mountain, just as +plainly as ever I saw anything in my life." + +He laughed quietly, looking at me with a look I shall never forget. + +"You're quite a wonder at dreaming, Maisa. Suppose I disappoint you +this time?" + +"Don't be foolish, Ferdy--you shouldn't have asked me to tell you. +Why, you're too clever to be such a silly, and you know it. Good-bye +and good luck. I shall see you in Vienna." + +He just nodded his head and let in his clutch with such a bang that he +nearly threw me over the dash. I could see that his nerve had gone to +the winds with the woman's words, and if wishes could have repaid her, +she'd have got something for her pains, I do assure you. As it was, I +could do nothing but pretend to laugh at it, and that I did to the best +of my ability. + +"Dreams go by contraries," said I; "any child knows that." + +"She didn't dream it at all," was his answer; "she said it out of +spite." + +"Why should she be spiteful----?" + +"You ask the man and his master. She's out for another car to win, and +will spoil my chances if she can." + +"More fool you, then, to listen to her. Make up your mind to forget +it. You can do it if you try." + +"Ah," he said, and upon my word I was sorry for him, "that girl's going +to be my ruin, Lal, as sure as we're on this car." + +"You speak like a coward, Ferdy--didn't you say I brought you luck----" + +"And you shall--I'll try to believe, Lal--I've thought it from the +start. If it wasn't for her----" + +"Oh, be d----d to her," said I; and that I really meant. + +We were on the starting line as these words were spoken, and in two +minutes we got the word to go, and the great Modena car rushed away +like some giant bird upon the wing. This was the crucial stage of that +famous race, when we had to climb the Arlberg Mountains and drop down +to Innsbruck. It was the day which saw Edge the proud winner of the +Gordon Bennett Cup, and the morning upon which Jarrott broke up his +bedroom furniture to stiffen the frame of his 70-h.p. Panhard. Our car +was not in for the Gordon Bennett, and our race did not finish at +Innsbruck, but at far Vienna--that is, if we crossed the terrible +Arlberg Mountains safely, and got down the other side with our heads +still upon our shoulders. This depended upon my friend Ferdinand, the +greatest driver that ever lived upon an ordinary day, but a mad devil +that morning if ever there was one. + +Oh! you could see it from the start. That woman's words had entered +into his very soul, and he did not deny that he believed his hour had +come. We were early away, and the two big cars ahead of us we caught +almost in the first hour. When we came to the mountain we began to +climb as though a magic wind was lifting us. Grand as the scene was, +with the mighty mountains towering above us and the valley full of +wonders spreading out below, I had eyes for nothing but the winding +road, nor thoughts of any goal but that of distant Innsbruck, where the +danger would be passed. Sometimes I wished that Ferdinand would change +seats with me and let me drive. No woman that ever was born would +frighten me, I thought, and yet I could not be sure even about that. +The words that were spoken in the "control" went echoing in my head. +"We were going over the mountain-side." Good God, if it were true! + +The climb up the Arlberg Mountains is a wonderful thing, but I would +have you know that it is child's play to the drop down on the other +side. Imagine a series of fearful zigzags with a sheer wall of rock on +one side, and on the other a precipice just as sheer, and so open and +undefended that some fellows in this race were driven almost mad with +terror at the bare sight of it. Luckily for me, I sat upon the +left-hand side of the car and could see very little of what was going +on; but I knew that our off-side front wheel was within two inches of +the edge more than once as we went up; and when we passed over the top +and began the descent I could have sworn that even Ferdinand himself +had lost all hope of getting down safely. + +Once, I remember, he gave a great cry, and shot the car over to the +inside with such a twist that our wheels scraped the very rock; there +were moments when he came to a stand altogether, and passed his hand +over his eyes as though he could not see clearly. By here and there I +thought he drove like a madman, swooping round a fearful corner with +our wheels over the very chasm, or dashing down a straight as though +nothing could save him at the bottom. If I called out at this and +implored him not to be a fool, he answered back that "What was to be, +would be"; and then he mentioned Maisa's name, and I knew he had not +forgotten. + +Well, as many know, the end came at that great dome of rock which looks +for all the world like St. Paul's Cathedral. I confess that I should +have been no wiser here than Ferdinand. We seemed to be following a +gentle curve round the dome, with the rock upon our left hand, and the +valley three thousand feet down upon our right. There was nothing to +tell us of the danger trap; and, thinking he had a clear road, +Ferdinand opened his throttle and we shot ahead like a shell from a +gun. Less than a second afterwards I had made a wild leap from my +seat--and Ferdinand, without a cry or a sound, had gone headlong to the +valley below. + +I suppose five good minutes must have passed before I knew anything at +all, either of the nature of this awful accident or of the good luck +which attended my leap. Lying there on my back, I became conscious +presently that I was in a thick scrub of gorse, which lined the road +hereabouts. It had caught me just as a spider's web catches a fly. I +ached intolerably, that is true--my whole body seemed numbed, as though +it had been hit with irons, while my leather clothes were torn to rags. +But, by-and-by, it came to me that I could get up if I chose, and when +I looked below me and saw the sheer precipice, and that nothing but a +bush stood between me and it, you may be sure I scrambled back to the +road quicker than a man counts two. And there I lay, trying to +remember what had happened, and what my duty called upon me to do. + +Ferdy and the car! Good God, what had happened to them? The sweat +poured off me like rain when the truth came back. Ferdy was over +there, down that awful precipice. Quaking in every limb, I dragged +myself to the edge and looked over. Yes, I could see the car, looking +like a little toy thing, far down in the valley. It lay wheels +upwards, in what appeared to be a little brook or river; but of my +comrade not a sign anywhere. In vain I shouted his name again and +again. The cars began to pass me, and, warned by my presence, they +took that awful corner safely; but not a man of their drivers guessed +that a good fellow had gone over, and that I was half mad because of +it. Away they went, with a nod and a shout, leaving that cold silence +of the mountains behind them, and Lal Britten crying like a woman +because they didn't stay. In the end I ceased to think of them at all, +and, going to the brink again, I shouted "Ferdinand" until the hills +rang. + + * * * * * + +He answered me--as I am a living man--Ferdinand answered me at last. +At first I could believe so little in the truth of what I heard that I +almost thought the mountains were mocking me and sending my voice back +in echoes. Then I understood that it was not so at all, but that my +friend really called to me from a place thirty or forty yards down the +road, where the scrub was thicker. It was the spot where our tank and +tool-box, cast ahead as the car swerved and went over, lay shattered on +the rocks. These I hardly noticed at the moment; but, dashing to the +place, I threw myself flat on my face and hung right over the precipice +to answer my comrade. And then, in an instant I knew what had +happened--then I understood. + +The car, I say, had swerved away to the right as she took the +precipice. The tremendous force of it not only sent all our loose +impedimenta flying down the road, which turned to the left, but it +threw Ferdinand sideways; and, although he had gone over, he fell, as +the newspapers have told you, just where the sheer wall bulged; and +here, holding for dear life to the shrubs, he waited for me to save +him. Such a torture I have never known, or shall know again. The +sight of my friend, not ten feet away from me, the precipice forbidding +me to go down, for it was quite sheer at the top; his white face, his +desperate hold at the scrappy shrubs--oh, you can't imagine or think of +the truth of it as I had to upon that awful morning. + +"How long can you hold on?" I asked him, clenching my teeth when I had +spoken. + +"Perhaps a minute, perhaps two. If you could get a rope, Lal----" + +"I'll stop a car," said I--a madder thing was never said, but I had to +say something--"I'll stop a car and make them help me. Perhaps my +shirt will do it, Ferdy." + +"Good-bye if it doesn't," he said quite quietly; and I knew then that +he was prepared for death, and had expected it; but I was already busy +with my shirt, tearing it up with twitching fingers, when he spoke +again. + +"Pity we haven't got the rope I towed you with the other day," he said +suddenly; and at that I started up as though he had hit me. + +"The rope--where did you carry it?" + +"It was in the tool-box," he answered, still quite calm. + +I think I shouted out at that--I know I was crying like a woman a +minute afterwards. The tool-box! Why, it lay there, against the rock, +before my very nose, the d----d fool! And the very rope which had +first brought our friendship about: was it accident or destiny which +put it into my hands, and did Ferdinand do right or wrong to say I +brought him luck? + +I shan't answer these questions--for he was sitting beside me less than +two minutes afterwards, and we were hugging each other like brothers. + + * * * * * + +Maisa Hubbard's friend didn't get first to Vienna, and pleased enough I +was. Whether Ferdy just imagined that she had an evil influence over +him, or whether it is true that some women are the mistresses of men's +destiny, I don't pretend to say. The story is there to speak for +itself. + +And Maisa, I may add, is in the halfpenny papers. Do you remember that +famous case of Lord--but perhaps it isn't my place to speak about that? + + + +[1] The names of the driver, Ferdinand, and the car, the Modena, have +been substituted by the Editor for those in Mr. Britten's own +narrative. The reasons for this will be obvious to the reader. + + + + +V + +THE BASKET IN THE BOUNDARY ROAD + +The doctors will tell you sometimes that motoring is good for the +nerves; and since so many of them now buy cars, and there's no man like +a doctor for looking after his own flesh and blood, I suppose they mean +what they say. All the same, I wish I'd had a doctor with me the night +I picked up Mabel Bellamy; for if his nerves had stood that and he +hadn't given himself quinine and iron for the next two months, why, I'd +have paid his fee myself. + +You see, it was a rum job from the very beginning of it. I was working +for Hook-Nosed Moss at the time, and, being Lent, and half the +theatrical ladies of position doing penance down at Monte Carlo, we +weren't exactly knocking a hole in the Bank of England--nor, for that +matter, even earning our fares to Jerusalem. Moss came down to the +garage in the West End gloomier and gloomier every day; and one morning +when I saw that he'd pawned his diamond shirt-stud (the same that we +called "The Bleriot"), why then, says I, Lal Britten, keep off the +Stock Exchange and don't put your last thirty bob in Consols, wherever +else you place it. + +Now this was the state of things when one morning, early in the month +of March last year, we were rung up from a public telephone call in +Bayswater, and the covered Napier was ordered for a house in the +Richmond Road, Bayswater--a locality with which I was unfamiliar, but +which Moss declared must be all right, since the gentleman who lived +there knew that we had a Napier car and therefore was in a manner +introduced to us. Half an hour later he discovered that Richmond Road +was nothing better than a mean street of lodging-houses, and, my word, +didn't he reel off his instructions to me like texts out of a copy-book. + +"Dot's a shame, Britten," he said, coming round by the bonnet of the +car, which I was tuning up for the trip--"I was deceived by the dabe of +the street. We must have our modey before they have the goods. Mind +that now, you dote drive a mile unless they pay the shinies. Three +guideas id your pocket and then you drive 'em. Are you listening, +Britten?" + +I managed to give him a squirt of oil out of my can--for we do love +Moss, and then I told him that Nelson on the quarter-deck of the +_Victory_ wasn't more alive to his duties. + +"Three guineas cash down and then I drive 'em. Is this a round trip to +see the beauties of Surrey, Mr. Moss, or do I return to my little cot +after the ball is over? I'd like to know on account of taking my Court +suit, if you don't mind." + +"Oh," says he, "you're ordered for ded o'clock, so I suppose id's the +light fadastic toe, Britten. But mide you get your modey--or I'll stop +your salary, sure. Three guideas and what you cad hook for yourself--I +shan't touch that, Britten--I dow how to treat my servants well." + +I laughed at this, but didn't say too much for fear he should find out +that he'd got a patch of oil as big as a football on the back of his +beautiful new spring suit, and when he had told me that the party's +name was Faulkland Jones and had given me the number of the house, I +got on with my work again and soon had the three-year-old Napier +running as well as ever she did in all her life. Nor did anything else +happen until ten o'clock that night, at which hour precisely I drove +her up to the house in the Richmond Road, Bayswater, and sent a small +boy to knock at the door. + +It was a twopenny-ha'penny shop, and no doubt about it; a two-storied +day-before-yesterday lodging-house, with a bow window like a +Métallurgique bonnet and a door about as big as the top of your +gear-box. + +So far as I could see from the road there was only one lamp showing in +the place, and that was on the off-side, so to speak, in a little +window of a bedroom--but the boy said afterwards that there was a glim +in the hall, and he was old enough to have known. Taken altogether, +you wouldn't have offered them thirty pounds a year for the lot unless +you had been a Rothschild with a cook to pension off--and what such +people wanted with a Napier limousine at three guineas the job I really +could not have said. This, however, was no business of mine; so I just +gave the lad a penny and settled myself down in my seat until the +Duchess in the apron should appear. + +It wasn't a long time I had to wait, perhaps five minutes, perhaps ten. +I told the police, when they questioned me afterwards, to split the +difference, for none but a policeman could have told you what it had +got to do with my story. When the door did open at last, a couple of +men carrying a basket came down the bit of a garden, and the first of +them wished me "Good evening" very civilly. Then they let the basket +down softly on to the pavement and began to talk to me about it. + +"How strong's your roof?" asked the first, speaking with a nasal twang +I couldn't quite place. "Will it take this bit of a basket all right?" + +"Why," says I, "it might depend on what you've got inside that same. +Have I come for the washing, or do I drive your plate to the Bank of +England?" + +The second, the taller man of the two, laughed at this; but the first +seemed very uneasy, and it was not lost upon me that he glanced to the +right and the left of him as though afraid that someone would come up +and hear what his friend had to say next. + +"I guess it's neither one nor the other," the first speaker went on. +"We're playing theatricals at the Hampstead Town Hall to-morrow night, +and these are the dresses. We want you to take them up to the Boundary +Road, St. John's Wood--I'll show you the house when we get there; but +it's called Bredfield, and you'll know it by a square-toed lamp up +against the side-track. Perhaps you can give us a hand with the +baggage--and say, have you any objection to gold when you can't get +silver?" + +He passed up a sovereign and I put it inside my glove. Moss had told +me to collect the shekels before I drove them a mile, and so I told the +pair of them as I was getting down the luggage ladder, which +fortunately I had brought, not knowing the job. A bit to my surprise +they paid up immediately, but I made no remark about that; and when I +had signed the receipt by the light of my near-side lamp, I helped them +up with the basket and soon had it strapped to the rails in a way that +satisfied even the nervous little man with the saucer eyes. + +Many have asked me if I had no suspicions about that basket, was not +curious as to its contents, and remarked nothing as we hoisted it up. +To these I say that the men themselves were the chief actors in the +business; that they lifted the baggage from the pavement, and that my +task was chiefly to guide it to the rails and to make it fast when I +had got it there. Otherwise, this basket was no different from any +dress-basket you may see upon half a dozen four-wheelers the first time +you look in at a railway station; and I should be telling an untruth if +I said that I thought about it at all. Indeed, it was not until we got +to the Boundary Road, and I stopped at the house called Bredfield, that +so much as a notion of anything wrong entered my head. There, however, +I did get a shock, and no mistake; for no sooner had I pulled up than I +discovered that I had come on alone, and that neither the big man with +the Yankee accent nor the little man with the saucer eyes had deigned +to accompany me. + +Well, I got down from the driver's seat, opened and shut the door as +though to be sure that neither the one nor the other was hiding under +the seat, and then I rang loudly at the front door bell and waited to +see what fortune had got in her lucky-bag. + +Had the men told me plainly that I was to go alone, I should never have +given the matter a second thought; but I could have sworn that the pair +of them were inside the limousine when I started away from the Richmond +Road, and how or where they got down I knew no more than the Lord +Chancellor. It remained to be seen if the people in the house were any +wiser; and you may be sure that I was curious enough by this time, and, +if the truth must be told, not a little frightened. + +Boundary Road, as many will know, is a quiet thoroughfare in St. John's +Wood, most of the houses being detached, and many of them having twenty +feet of garden back and front. This particular house was larger than +ordinary, and owned an odd iron lamp fixed above the garden gate and +conspicuous a hundred yards away. Unlike the shanty in the Richmond +Road, nearly every window showed a bright light; and I don't suppose I +had waited twenty seconds, though they seemed like a quarter of an +hour, when the front door flew open and one of the prettiest +parlourmaids I have ever clapped eyes upon came running down the path, +and asked, even before she had opened the gate, if the lady had arrived. + +"Why," says I, quickly enough, "that she certainly has not, being took +to dine with the Grand Duke Isaac at the Metropolitan Music Hall. But +her dresses are here, miss, and if you like to try on any of 'em before +she arrives, why, you're welcome so far as I am concerned." + +She laughed at this and came out on to the pavement. I have said she +was pretty, but that's hardly the word for it. If she went on the +Gaiety stage to-morrow, she'd be the talk of the town in a +fortnight--and as for her manners, well, it isn't my place to remark on +those. Affability appeals to me wherever I find it, and if Betsy +Chambers isn't affable, then I don't know the meaning of the term. + +"Where have you come from?" she asked me as we stood there; "have you +come from Scotland?" + +"More like from Scotland Yard in these times," says I; "why should you +ask me that?" + +"Because the gentleman said that his wife would be arriving from +Scotland to-night, but that he would not be here until to-morrow. I +wouldn't have stopped in the house for anything if he had not said she +was coming!" + +"Then you're alone, my dear?" + +She tossed her head. + +"Yes, I am, and that's why all the lamps are lighted." + +"Why, to be sure," cried I, "there might have been a man under the +bed;" but she was too polite to notice this, and I could see she was +very much afraid of sleeping alone in that strange house, and I don't +wonder at it. + +"I can walk up and down the front garden all night, if you like," said +I, "or maybe I could sleep on the drawing-room sofa, if you prefer it. +Is this the first time they have left you alone here?" + +She looked at me in surprise. + +"I was only engaged yesterday from the registry office in Marylebone. +This is a furnished house, and they have taken it for three months +certain. The gentleman comes from Edinburgh and the lady is an +American. They haven't got a cook yet, but hope to have one by +to-morrow. Whatever shall I do if they never come at all?" + +"Oh," says I, "try on her dresses and see how they suit you. Suppose +we get the basket in to begin with. Here's a chap coming who looks as +though he could lay out sixpence if he hadn't got a shilling; we'll +enlist him and then talk about supper afterwards. Is your name Susan, +by the way? The last nice girl I met was called Susan, and so I +thought----" + +"Oh, don't be silly," says she; "my name's Betsy, and if you squeeze my +hand like that, some one will see you." + +I told her it must have been done in a moment of abstraction, and then +I hailed the "cab runner" who was loafing down the road; and, what with +him and a messenger boy in a hurry, we got the basket down and lifted +it into a big square hall and laid it almost at the foot of the +staircase, up which we should have to carry it presently. + +Somehow or other it seemed to me over-heavy for a clothes' basket; but +I said nothing about it at the time, and, telling Betsy I would return +in a minute, I went back to my car to turn off the petrol and see that +all was shipshape. When I entered the house again, and almost as soon +as I had shut the door, the queerest thing I can remember happened to +me. It was nothing less than this--that the girl, Betsy, came toward +me with her face as white as a sheet; and, before I could utter a +single word or ask her the ghost of a question, she just slipped +headlong through my arms and lay like a dead thing. + +Now, this was a nice position to be in and no mistake about it. The +girl limp and helpless in my arms, not a soul in the house, me not +knowing where to lay hands on a drop of brandy, to say nothing of a +glass of water, and, above all, the peculiar feeling that something not +over-pleasant must have frightened Betsy, and that it might frighten me +before many minutes had passed. Listening intently, I could not at +first hear a sound in all the house--but just when I was telling myself +not to be a fool, I heard, as plainly as ever I heard anything in my +life, a sigh as of some one groaning in pain; and at that I do believe +I dropped the girl clean on to the floor and made a dash into the +nearest room in a state of mind I should have been ashamed to confess +even to my own brother. + +What did it mean, who was playing tricks with us, and what was the +mystery? I looked round the apartment and made it out to be the +dining-room, plainly furnished, well lighted, but as empty of people as +Westminster Abbey at twelve o'clock of a Sunday night. A smaller room +to the right lay in darkness, but I found the switch and satisfied +myself in a moment that no one was hidden there; nor did a search in +every nook and cranny near by enlighten me further. What was even +worse was the fact that I could now hear the groaning very plainly; and +when I had stood a minute, with my heart beating like a steam pump and +my eyes half blinded with the shadows and the light, I discovered, just +in a flash, that whoever groaned was not in any room of the house, +neither in the hall nor upon the staircase, but in the very basket I +had just laid down and should have carried to the floor above before +many minutes had passed. + +I am not going to state here precisely what I thought or did when I +made that astonishing discovery, or just what I felt at the moment when +I tried to understand its significance. Perhaps I could not remember +half that happened even if I tried to do so. My clearest memory is of +a dark, silent street, and of me standing there, bare-headed, with a +fainting girl in my arms, and a civil old chap with white whiskers +asking again and again, "My good fellow, whatever is the matter and +what on earth are you doing here?" When I answered him it was to beg +him for God's sake to tell me the name of the nearest doctor--and at +that I remember he simply pointed to the house opposite and to a brass +plate upon its door. + +"I am Mr. Harrison, the surgeon," he said quickly; "I am just buying a +motor, and so I crossed the road to look at yours. Tell me what has +happened and what is the matter with the woman." + +I told him as quietly as I could. + +"God knows what it is--perhaps murder. The girl heard it and fainted. +She'll be all right in a minute if I can lay her down. I never thought +any woman weighed half as much. Anyway, she's coming to and that's +something--if you could call a policeman, sir." + +He was a self-possessed gentleman, I must say, and, looking up and down +the street, while I set the girl down on the footboard of the car, he +espied the little messenger boy who had helped us to carry the basket +into the house and sent him for a policeman. Betsy had opened her eyes +by this time, but all she could say had no meaning for me, nor was it +any clearer to him. When we had got her across to his surgery and left +her there, we returned to the house together, and as we went I tried to +tell him just what had happened and how I came to be mixed up in such a +strange affair. The story was still half told when we mounted the +steps of Bredfield and walked straight up to the basket which had +scared the girl out of her wits and left me wondering whether I was +awake or dreaming. Now, however, I had no doubt at all about the +matter, for whoever was under that lid was struggling pretty wildly to +get free, and would have broken the cords in another minute if the +doctor had not cut them. + +A couple of slashes with a lancet severed the stout rope with which my +"bundle" had been tied, and a third cut the bit of string which bound +the hasp to the wickerwork. I stepped back instinctively as the +gentleman raised the lid, and so, to be honest, did he--the same +thought, I am sure, being in both our heads and the belief that our own +lives might be in danger. When the truth was revealed, my first +impulse was to laugh aloud, my second to set off in my car without a +moment's loss of time, and try to lay by the heels the pair of villains +who had done this thing. + +In a word, I may tell you that the basket contained a young girl, +apparently not more than fifteen years of age; that she was dressed in +rags, though apparently a lady of condition, and that when we lifted +her out it appeared that her reason had gone and that her young life +might shortly follow it. + +I've been through some strange times in my life; had many a peep into +the next world, so to speak; seen men die quick and die slow--but for +real right-down astonishment and pity I shall never better that scene +in the Boundary Road, St. John's Wood, if I live as long as the +patriarchs. + +Just picture the brightly lighted hall and the open basket, and this +pretty little thing with yellow hair streaming over her shoulders and +her bare arms extended as though in entreaty toward the doctor and me, +and such cries upon her lips as though we, and not the men who had sent +her here, had been her would-be murderers. I tell you that I would +have sold my home to save her, and that's no idle word. Unhappily, I +could do nothing, and what I would have done the police forbade me to +do, for there were three of them in the room before five minutes had +passed; and I might be forgiven for saying that half the local force +was present inside half an hour. + +Well, you know what a policeman is when anything big turns up; how +there's a mighty fine note-book about two foot long to be produced, and +perhaps a drop of whisky and soda to whet his pencil, and then the +questions and the answers and what not--all the time the thief is +running hard down the back street and the gold watch is sticking out of +his boot. + +I answered perhaps a hundred and fifty questions that night, and nobody +any the wiser for them. Notes were taken of everything: the time I set +out, where my father was born, what they paid me for the job, the +address of the garage, Christian name and surname of Abraham +Moss--whether I'd had my licence endorsed or kept it clean--until at +last, able to stand it no longer, I told the inspector plainly that +this wasn't Colney Hatch, and the sooner he understood as much the +better. + +"Here's my car and there's the street," said I; "will you drive to +Richmond Road and see the house for yourself or will you not? I tell +you there were two of them, and one may be there now. You can prove it +for yourself or let it go, as you like. But don't say it wasn't talked +about or I shall know how to contradict you." + +He came down to ground at this and consented to go with me. We were +back again in the Richmond Road inside a quarter of an hour and +knocking at the door of the house where I had picked the basket up +about two minutes later. A very old woman opened to us this time, and +answered very civilly that the two strange gentlemen had left for the +Continent by the evening train, and she had no idea if they would +return or no. They had always paid her regularly, she said, though not +often at home; while as for their room, we could examine that with +pleasure. The more amazing confession came after, for when she was +pressed to tell us something about the young lady, she declared stoutly +that she had never seen one, and that the Messrs. Picton--for so she +called her lodgers--kept no female company, and very rarely had asked +even a gentleman to their rooms. + +The inspector listened to all she had to say and then made a formal +search of the house. It would be waste of time to insist that he found +nothing--not so much as a scrap of paper or an empty collar-box to +enlighten him; but he gave strict orders that no one was to enter the +men's room upon any pretext whatsoever; and when he had locked it and +pocketed the key, he made me drive him back to the Boundary Road and +then up to the hospital at Hampstead, to which the little girl had been +carried and where she was then lying. Naturally I had the _entrêe_ as +well as he--for there were three or four swagger men from Scotland Yard +on the carpet by this time, and all of them mighty anxious to make my +acquaintance. From these I learned that the child was still incoherent +in her talk, and utterly unable to remember who she was or whence she +had come. Fright had paralysed her faculties. She might have been +born yesterday for all she knew about it. + +For my part, I had a strong desire to talk to the girl myself and put a +few questions which had come into my head while we were waiting; but +the police would have none of this, and the most they would permit me +to do was to look at her from the far end of the ward, which I did for +a long time, watching her face very closely, and wondering how +beautiful it was. + +When they sent me away at last I returned to the garage down West, and +so to my bed, but not to sleep. It must have been three o'clock of the +morning by this time, and I lay until I heard some noisy church-clock +striking seven, when I determined to stop there tossing about no +longer, but to get up and read the morning papers. Few of them, +however, had more than a brief paragraph announcing the fact, and we +had to wait for the "evenings" to discover the real sensation. My +word, how thick they laid it on--and what a hero they made of me. I +must have been interviewed a dozen times that day, and when the +following morning's papers came, I read for the first time that a +reward of five hundred pounds had been offered for the capture of the +perpetrators of this outrage, and that it would be paid by the Editor +of the _Daily Herald_ on the day that the mystery was solved. + +Of course, there were many theories. Some believed it to be a case of +abduction pure and simple, some of revenge; a few recommended the +doctors to follow the poison clue and to ascertain if the child had +been drugged before she was put into the basket. + +Speaking for myself, I had an idea in my head, which I didn't mention +even to Betsy Chambers, whom it was necessary for me to see pretty +often about that time, and generally of evenings. This idea, I +suppose, would have knocked the Scotland Yard braves silly with +laughing; but I had no fancy to share five hundred with them--more +especially since they took seven fifteen off me at Kingston last Petty +Sessions--so I just kept a quiet tongue in my head and mentioned the +matter to nobody. Perhaps it was unfortunate I did not; I can't tell +you more than this, that the next ten days found me walking about Soho +as though I had a fancy to buy up the neighbourhood, and that on the +eleventh day precisely I found what I wanted--found it by what I might +have called a turn of Providence if I didn't know now it was something +very different. + +I should remind you hereabouts that the case was still the rage of the +town, though hope of bringing the would-be assassins to justice had +almost been abandoned. + +The little girl now began to remember her past in a dim sort of way, +and had told the police that she lived in a foreign country by the +sea--which was not the same as saying Southend-on-the-Mud by a long +way. Her father she recollected distinctly, and cried out for him very +often in her sleep. She did not seem to think she had a mother, and of +what happened in the Richmond Road her mind recalled nothing. I had +seen her twice; but she was so frightened when I went near her that the +police forbade me to go at all--and I do believe, upon my solemn word, +that if it hadn't been for the witnesses they would have said I had +something to do with the job myself. + +This, be sure, didn't trouble me at all. What was in my mind was the +five hundred sterling offered by the _Daily Herald_ for the solution of +the mystery; and that sum I did not lose sight of night or day. To win +it I must discover the Yankee with the voice like a saw-mill, and the +little cove with the saucer eyes, and for these, upon an instinct which +I can hardly account for even to myself (save to say it was connected +with three days I spent in Paris eight months ago) I hunted Soho for +eleven days as other men hunt big game in Africa. And, will you +believe it, when I discovered one of them at last, it was not by my +eyes, but by his, for he spotted me at the very top of Wardour Street, +and, coming across the road, he slapped me on the shoulder, just as +though I had been his only brother let loose on society for the +especial purpose of shaking him by the hand. + +"Why," says he, "I guess it's the coachman." + +"Coachman be d----d," says I; "hasn't Pentonville taught you no better +manners than that? You be careful," says I, "or they'll be cancelling +your ticket-of-leave----" + +He wasn't to be affronted, for he continued to treat me as though he +loved me and life had been a misery since we lost each other. + +"Say," cried he, "you got through with the basket all right. Well, see +here, now; do you want to get that five hundred, Britten, or do you +not? I'll play the White Man with you--do you want to get it?" + +"Oh," cried I, "if it's a matter of five hundred being put in the +cloak-room because there isn't a label on it----" + +"Then come along," he rejoined, and, taking me by the arm, he led me +along the street, turned sharp round to the right into a place that +looked like a disused coach-house; and before I could wink my eye, he +dragged me through a door into a room beyond, and then burst out +laughing fit to split. + +"Britten," says he, "you're fairly done down. I've got the cinch on +you, Britten. Don't you perceive that same?" + +Well, of all the fools! My head spun with the thought; not at first +the thought of fear, mind you, though fear followed right enough, but +just with the irony of it all, and the rightdown lunacy which sent me +into this trap as a fly goes into a spider's web. And this man would +suck me dry; I hadn't a doubt of it; a word might cost me my life. + +"Well," I rejoined, knowing that my safety depended upon my wits, "and +what if I am? Do you suppose I came here without letting Inspector +Melton know where I was coming? You'd better think it out, old chap. +There may be two at the corner and both on the wrong side. Don't you +make no mistake." + +He laughed very quietly, and as though to make his own words good he +put up the shutters on the only window the miserable den of a place +possessed. We were in a kind of twilight now, in a miserably furnished +shanty, with the paper peeling off the walls and the fire-grate all +rusted and the very boards broken beneath our feet. And I believed he +had a pistol in his pocket, and that he would use it if I so much as +lifted my hand. + +"Oh," says he presently, and in a mocking tone which ran down my back +like cold water from a spout. "Oh, you're a brave boy, Britten, and +when you spread yourself about the tecs, I like you. Now, see here, +did I try to murder that girl or did I not? Fair question and fair +answer. Am I the man the police are looking for, or is it another?" + +I answered him straight out. + +"The pair of you are in it. You know that well enough--and the reward +is five hundred, to say nothing of what the police are offering." + +"You mean to have that reward, Britten." + +"If I can get it fairly, yes." + +"As good as to say you'll walk straight out of here and give me up?" + +"Unless you can tell me you didn't do it." + +He swung round on his heel and looked at me as savage as a devil out of +hell. + +"I did it, Britten--Barney, my mate, had nothing to do with it. Didn't +you see him sweat the night you picked us up? Barney's a tender-foot +at this game; he'll never cut a figure in the 'Calendar,' why, not if +he lives to be a chimpanzee in the human menagerie. Barney ought to be +holding forth in the tabernacle round the corner. Him do it--why, he +couldn't kill a calf." + +Well, I think I sat back and shuddered at this; anyway, an awful +feeling of horror came upon me, both at the man's word and at the +thought of my lonely situation, and of what must come afterwards. All +the calculations seemed against me. I am a strong man, and would have +stood up to this Yankee, fist to fist, for any sum you care to name; +but the pistol in his pocket, and the certainty that he would use it +upon any provocation, held me to my seat as though I were glued there. +And thus for five whole minutes, an eternity of time to me, I watched +him pace up and down the room, gloating upon his horrid work, and +wondering when my turn would come. + +"Britten," he said presently--and his voice had changed, I +thought--"Britten, would you like a whisky and soda?" + +"If it's only whisky and soda----" + +"What! You think I'm going to doctor it--same as I did Mabel's?" + +"I don't know to what you refer--but something of the kind was in my +head." + +It amused him finely--and I must say again that his attitude all +through was that of a man who could hardly keep from laughing whatever +he did, so that I came to think he must be little short of a raving +maniac, and that perhaps the Court would find him such. + +"Oh," says he, "don't you fear, Britten, I shan't treat you that +way--you may drink my whisky all right, a barrelful if you can. When I +want to deal with you, Britten, it will be another way +altogether--cash, my boy; have you any objection to a little cash?" + +I opened my eyes wide, telling myself, for the second time, that he was +as certainly mad as any March hare in the picture-books; but I said +nothing, for he had turned to a little wooden cupboard near the +fireplace, and before he spoke again he set a bottle of whisky, a +syphon, and two tumblers on the table, and poured out a stiffish dose +for himself and its fellow for me. When I had watched him drink it, +and not before, I followed suit, and never did a man want a whisky and +soda as badly. + +"Your health," says he--I believe I wished him the same. "And little +Mabel Bellamy's----" + +I put the glass down on the table with a bang. + +"Good God!" said I, "not Mabel Bellamy that did the disappearing trick +at the Folies Bergères in Paris two years ago?" + +"The same," says he. + +"And you are telling me----" + +"That she was a very fine actress. Do you deny it, Mr. Britten?" + +I rose and buttoned my coat--but the black look was in his eyes again. + +"Britten," says he, "not in so much of a hurry, if you please. I am +going round to the _Daily Herald_ this afternoon to get that five +hundred. You will sit here until I return, when I shall pay you fifty +of the best. Is it a bargain, Britten--have we the right to the money +or have you?" + +I thought upon it for a moment and could not deny the justice of it. + +"Do you mean to say you did it for an advertisement?" I cried. + +"The very same," says he, "and this night, Mabel's fond papa, the +gentleman with the big eyes, Britten, will go to Hampstead and take his +long-lost daughter to his breast. She makes her first appearance at +the Casino Theatre to-morrow night, Britten----" + +I rose and shook him by the hand. + +"Fifty of the best," said I, "and I'll wait for them here." + + * * * * * + +Well, I must say it was a tidy good notion, first for the pair of them +to work a trick like that on the public just for the sake of letting +all the world know that Mabel Bellamy was to disappear from a basket at +the Casino Theatre; and secondly, dropping on the _Daily Herald_ for +five hundred of the best--and getting it, too, before the story got +wind. + +You see, the _Herald_ lost no money, for they had a fine scoop all to +their little selves, while the other papers gnashed their teeth and +looked on. Nor was the whole truth told by a long way, but a garbled +version about foreign coves who worked the business and bolted, and a +doting father who never consented to it--and such a hash-up and +hocus-pocus as would have made a pig laugh. + +Whether, however, the public really took it all, or whether it resented +the manner of the play, is not for me to say. + +Sentiment is, after all, a very fine thing, as I told Betsy Chambers +the night I gave her the anchor brooch and asked her to wear it for +auld lang syne, to say nothing of the good time we had when I took her +to Maidenhead in old Moss's car and pretended I was broken down at +Reading with a dot-and-go-one accumulator. Of course, Moss weighed in +with an interview. I wonder the sight of his ugly old mug didn't +shrivel the paper it was printed on. + +Anyway me and Betsy--but that's another story, and so, perhaps, I had +better conclude. + + + + +VI + +THE COUNTESS + +To begin with, I suppose, it would be as well to tell you her name, but +I only saw it once in the address-book at the Ritz Hotel in Paris, and +then I couldn't have written it down for myself--no, not if a man had +offered me five of the best for doing so. + +You see, she gave it out that she came from foreign parts, and her +husband, when she remembered that she'd got one, was supposed to be a +Hungarian grandee with a name fit to crack walnuts, and a moustache +like an antelope's horns set over a firegrate to speak of her +ancestors. Had I been offered two guesses, I would have said that she +came from New York City and that her name was Mary. But who am I to +contradict a pretty woman in trouble, and what was the matter with +Maria Louise Theresa, and all the rest of it, as she set it down in the +visitors' book at the hotel? + +I'd been over to Paris on a job with a big French car, and worked there +a little while for James D. Higgs, the American tin-plate maker, who +was making things shine at the Ritz Hotel, and had a Panhard almost big +enough to take the chorus to Armenonville--which he did by sections, +showing neither fear nor favour, and being wonderful domesticated in +his tastes. + +When James was overtaken by the domestic emotions, and thought he would +return to Pittsburg to his sorrowing wife and children, he handed me +over to the Countess, saying that she was a particular friend of his, +and that if her ancestors didn't sail with the Conqueror it was +probably because they had an appointment at the Moulin Rouge and were +too gentlemanly to break it--which was his way of tipping me the wink; +and "Britten, my boy," says he, "keep her out of mischief, for you are +all she has got in this wicked world." + +Well, it was an eye-opener, I must say; for I hadn't seen her for more +than two minutes together, and when we did meet, I found her to be just +a jolly little American chassis, slim and shapely, and as full of "go" +as a schoolgirl on a roundabout. Her idea, she told me, was to drive a +Delahaye car she had hired, from Paris to Monte Carlo, and there to +meet her husband with the jaw-cracking name; whom, she assured me, with +the look of an angel in the blue picture, she hadn't seen for more than +two years. + +"Two years, Britten--sure and certain. Now what do you think of that?" + +"It would depend upon your husband, madame," said I; upon which she +laughed so loud they must have heard her in the garden below. + +"Why, to be sure," says she, "you've got there first time. It does +depend upon the husband, and mine is the kindest, gentlest, most +foolish creature that ever was in this world. So, you see, I am +determined not to be kept from him any longer." + +"Then, madame," said I, "we had better start at once." + +I thought that she hesitated, could have sworn that she was about to +admit me further into her confidence; but I suppose she considered the +time unsuited; and after asking me a few questions about the car, and +whether I knew the road and was a careful driver, she gave me +instructions to be at the hotel at nine o'clock on the following +morning. So away I went, telling myself that the world was a funny +place, and wondering what Herr Joseph, the jaw-cracker, would have to +say to his good lady when she did turn up at Montey and laid her new +beehive hat upon his doting bosom. + +This was no business of mine. I am a motor-driver, and two pound ten +on Saturday is my abiding anxiety. Give me my wages regular, and the +class of passenger who feels for the driver's palm at the journey's +end, and I'll ask nothing more of Providence. So on the following +morning, at nine sharp, I drove the big Delahaye round to the Ritz, and +by a quarter past her ladyship was aboard and we were making for Dijon +and the coast. + +No motorist who knows anything of the game will ask me to describe this +journey, or to tell him just where he should stop because of the dead +'uns of five hundred years ago, or where he should hurry on because of +the livestock of to-day. I had a fine car under me, a pretty woman in +the tonneau, a May-day to put life into me, and a road so fine that a +man might dream of it in his sleep. And if that's not what the +schoolmaster calls Eldorado, then I'll send him a halfpenny card to +find out just what is. + +So let it suffice to say that we went at our leisure--slept at Dijon +and at Lyons, were one night at Avignon, and two nights later at Nice. +If there was anything to remark during the journey, it was Madame's +growing anxiety as we approached the Mediterranean, and the number of +telegrams she sent to her friends whenever we chanced to halt--even in +the meanest villages. + +The telegrams I had the pleasure to read more than once as I handed +them over the counter; but those that were in German were no good to +me, and those that were in French I could but half decipher. None the +less, I got the impression that she was in a state of much distress and +perplexity, and that all her messages were to one end--namely, that she +should have the right to go somewhere at present forbidden her, and +that the Baron Albert, whoever he might be, should be interviewed on +her behalf and persuaded that she was a lady of all the virtues. + +A final telegram to an English gentleman at Vienna capped all, and was +not to be misunderstood. It simply said, "I shall publish the story if +they persevere." And that seemed to me an ugly threat to come from so +pretty a sender, though of its meaning I had no more knowledge than the +dead. + +Perhaps you will say that I was a poor sort to have been reading her +telegrams at all; that it didn't concern me; and that I was paid to +hold my tongue. Well, that is true enough, and Madame had little to +complain of on such a score, I must say. To all and sundry who +questioned me at the hotels, I just said she was the wife of a +Hungarian nobleman, and that she travelled for her pleasure. When we +arrived at Nice, and an impertinent policeman got me into a corner, so +to speak, and tried to put me through the catechism, I simply said, "No +speakee Frenchee--Mistress Americano," and at that he shook his head +and wrote it down in a note-book about as large as a grocer's ledger. +But I plainly perceived that something more than mere police curiosity +accounted for all this cross-examination; and when Madame sent for me +to her private sitting-room that night, I guessed immediately that +something was up, and that I was about to learn the nature of it. + +I shall always remember the occasion, as beautiful a night of a +Southern summer as a man could hap upon. Still and starry, the sea +without a ripple; the ships like black shapes against an azure sky; the +lights of the houses shining upon the moonlit gardens; the music of the +bands; the gay talk of the merry people--oh, who would go northward ho! +if Providence set him down on such a spot as this? And upon it all was +the picture of Madame herself--of that lady of the gazelle's eyes and +the milk-white skin, as she invited me into her sitting-room and asked +me to sit down while she talked. + +You could not have matched her for beauty in Nice; I doubt if you could +have done it nearer than Paris and the Ritz. Dressed in a lot of +fluffy stuff, with a pink satin skirt, and arms bare to the shoulders +and a chain of diamonds about her neck--dressed like this, and so sweet +and gracious in her manner, talking to me just as though she had known +me from infancy, and asking me, Lal Britten, to help her--why, you bet +I said "Yes," and said it so plainly that even she could not mistake me. + +"Why, Britten," says she, "do you know what has happened to-day?" + +"Couldn't guess it if I tried, madame," said I. + +"Well, then, I must tell you: they won't let me go to Monte Carlo, +Britten. They say the Emperor forbids it." + +"But, madame, is there any need to ask the old gentleman's permission? +Aren't you an American citizen?" + +She laughed at my idea of it, and asked me if I would like a glass of +port wine, which I did to oblige her; while she took another as though +she liked it, which I have no reason to suppose she did not. + +"You see, Britten," she said, presently, "a woman is of her husband's +nationality, and so, of course, I am a Hungarian. That is why the +Emperor has the power to say that I must not be admitted to Monte Carlo +just at the moment when my dear husband is waiting for me there. Now, +don't you think it is very hard upon us both?" + +"It's very hard on him, madame, seeing you are in the case. I should +want to know him before I said the same thing for you, asking your +pardon for the liberty." + +She took no notice of this, but casting up her eyes to heaven--and at +that game Miss Sarah Bernhardt out of Paris couldn't beat her--she +exclaimed: + +"Oh, my poor Joseph, whatever will he think of me? I dare not +contemplate it, Britten--I really dare not." + +"Then I should leave it alone, madame. Is there no way of getting this +decision altered?" + +"None that I can think of, unless----" + +"Unless what, madame?" + +She tapped the table with her pretty fingers, and poured me out a +second glass of port wine. + +"Unless the mountain will come to Mahomet--but I guess you don't know +what that means, Britten, now do you?" + +She screwed her lips up to the kissing point with this, and looked at +me so tenderly that I began to feel nervous--upon my word I did. + +"Do you mean that your husband must come here, madame?" + +"Of course I mean it, Britten. You must fetch him--by a trick. Now +wouldn't that be splendid--say, wouldn't it be fine? If we could +outwit them--if we could make the Emperor look foolish!" + +I rubbed my chin and thought about it. There isn't much modesty in my +profession, but the idea of getting up against a policeman so far from +my humble home somehow put the brake on, and I found myself misfiring +like one o'clock in spite of her pretty eyes and her red lips, and her +"take me in your arms and kiss me" look. The Croydon lot are bad +enough, but as for the beaks at Montey--well, I've heard tales of them +and to spare. + +"It would be fine, madame, if we could do it," said I at last; "but +between talking of it here in this hotel and crossing the frontier----" + +"Oh," she cried, interrupting me almost angrily--and she has the devil +of a temper--"oh, there's no difficulty, Britten. Just drive to the +Hermitage after my husband has dined to-morrow night, and say that if +he wants the news of Madame Clara, you can take him where he will get +it. Don't you see, Clara is one of my pet names. He'll understand in +a moment, and you can drive him to this hotel. Are you afraid to do +that, Britten?" + +Of course I wasn't afraid, and she knew it. It was nothing to me +anyway, and I could always plead that I was her servant and an +Englishman, and didn't care a damn for this particular Emperor or any +other. None the less, if she hadn't smiled upon me as she did at that +particular moment--smiled like a daffy-down-dilly in April, and +squeezed my hand as soft as June roses, which the same appeared to be +done by accident, I might have left it alone, after all. As it was, I +had set off at seven o'clock on the following evening, and at a quarter +past nine I was asking at the Hermitage for Count Joseph, just as full +of the story I had to tell as a history-book of kings. + +A black and white _maître d'hôtel_, picked out with gold, replied to +this, and after talking to half a dozen waiters and sending for another +chap with a shirt-front like a Mercedes bonnet, they directed me to a +little hotel down by Monaco; and there the head waiter received me +quite affably, and said, "Certainly, the gentleman was at home." When +I had given my name, but not my business, I was ushered up, perhaps +after an interval of ten minutes, to a sitting-room on the first floor, +and there I found myself face to face with a fat, red-faced man in +evening dress; and if ever there was a martinet down Montey way, this +fine gentleman was that same. He was fat, I say, and forty--but to +write that he was fair would be impossible, for he hadn't more than +about half a dozen hairs on his head, and those had drifted down his +neck to get out of the wind. When I came in he appeared to be sipping +Cognac out of a long green bottle, and to be reading private papers +just as fast as he could get through them, but he looked up presently, +and a pair of wickeder eyes I do not want to see. + +"Who sent you here?" he asked. + +"A lady," said I. + +"Her name?" + +"Madame Clara." + +He turned and snuffed the wick of a candle standing on the table by his +side. From his manner I did not think him quite sober, but he appeared +to pull himself together by-and-by, and then he exclaimed: + +"Repeat your message." + +"I am to say that if you wish for news of Madame Clara, I can take you +where you will get it." + +Well, I thought that he smiled, though I cannot be quite sure of that. +Presently, however, he stood up without a word, and, going into his +bedroom, he brought a heavy fur coat and cap into the sitting-room, and +motioned me to help him on with them. When that was done, he opened +the door and invited me to precede him down the corridor. + +"I will see the lady," he said--and that was all. We were in the car +two minutes afterwards, making for Nice on the "fourth," and not a soul +to interfere with us or to do more than take a glance at our papers as +we passed the stations. Never had there been a lighter job; never had +a man helped a woman so easily. + +I thought about all this, be sure, as we drew near Nice and the end of +our game appeared to be at hand. The old women tell us not to count +our chickens before they are hatched, and that's a thing I am not in +the habit of doing; but the more I reflected upon it, the better +pleased did I feel with myself, and the greater was my wonder at the +lady's tastes. That such a pretty little woman, such a gay soul, such +a good judge of men--for she was a judge, I'll swear--that she should +have ever been in love with this sack of lard I was driving to +Nice--well, that did astonish me beyond measure; though it should not +have done so, knowing women as I do, and seeing how old Father Time +does stick his dirty fingers on our idols and make banshees of the best +of them. + +I say that I was astonished, but such a feeling soon gave place to +others; and when I brought up my car with a dash to the door of the +hotel, and the gold-laced porter helped the fat old gentleman out, +curiosity took the place of wonder. I became as anxious as a +parlourmaid at a keyhole to know what Madame would have to say to this +twenty-stone husband, and, what particular terms of endearment he would +choose for his reply. Certainly if pleasurable anticipation is to be +denoted by smiles, he found no fault with his present situation, for he +grinned like a gorilla when he got down, and, nodding to me quite +affably, he asked: + +"Upon which floor is Madame Clara staying, did you say?" + +"The third floor--number 113." + +"Ah," says he, adjusting his glasses and turning round to go in, "that +is an unlucky number, my friend," and without another word he entered +the hotel and left me there. + +Of course, I didn't expect him to talk to me, was not looking for a tip +from Madame's own husband, but I had expected a question or two; and +when he had departed the porter and I stopped there gossiping a bit, +for it was likely that the car might be wanted again that night--and, +to be truthful, I more than half hoped that Madame would send for me. + +"What's up?" asks the porter--he passes for a foreigner, but I happen +to know he was born just off Soho. "What's up, matey?" + +"Why," says I, "that's just what I'd like to know myself. Can't you +tell the chambermaid at 113 to find out?" + +"The maid's off. Is that old cove licensed?" + +"All in order at Scotland Yard," says I. "He's took out a license to +drive, and his papers are passed. That's my missis' husband." + +"Oh," he remarked, in a dreamy kind of way, "which one?" + +"Why, the gentleman who just went in." + +"Poor soul!" says he, in a most aggravating manner, "how fast she do +lose 'em. I wonder who pays for the headstones?" + +"Do you know her?" asked I, for his words took me aback. + +He shook his head at this, and then scratched it as though he were +trying to think. + +"Larst time," he said presently, "larst time she dropped one or two at +Cannes, I'm thinking---- But, Lord love me, what's that?" + +He stepped back on the pavement and looked up to the window of the room +113. I had heard the shindy as well as he--a regular scream, as though +a woman was mad in her tantrums, and upon that a crash of glass and +silence--while the porter and me, we just stared at one another. + +"Votes for women!" says he, presently, and in so droll a way that I had +to laugh in spite of myself; but before I could answer him, what do you +think? Why, out come the old gentleman, just as calm and smiling as he +had been ten minutes ago. + +"You will drive me back to Monaco," he began. I asked him by whose +orders; but at that he looked like a devil incarnate, and spoke so loud +that I was right down frightened of him. + +"You will drive me back to Monaco or spend the night in prison!" he +shouted. "Now, which do you prefer?" + +"Oh," says I, "in you get!" And in he did get, as I'm a Dutchman, and +I drove him back to the hotel at Monaco--which was about the hour of +one in the morning, and no mistake at all. When he got out at last, no +babe in frocks could have looked more innocent, and he just handed me +up a couple of louis, like a father blessing his only son. + +"You drive very well, my lad. Where did you learn?" + +"On a good car, sir. Henri Fourtnier taught me about the time of the +second Gordon Bennett. But I don't suppose you remember that." + +"Certainly I remember it. The late Count Zborowski was one of my +friends. Let me give you a little piece of advice. It is better to +drive for a gentleman than a lady." + +"I beg your pardon, sir?" + +But he waved his hand with a flourish, and crying, "A bonny +arntarndure," or something of that kind, he disappeared into his hotel +and left me to think what I liked. And a lot I did think as I drove +back to Nice, I do assure you--for a rummier game I had never been +engaged in, and that's the truth, upon my word and honour. + +It was daylight when I reached the garage, and out of the question, of +course, to think of seeing Madame. Speaking for myself, I was too +dog-tired to ask if she wanted me or not; and going up to my bedroom, I +must have slept till nine o'clock without lifting an eyelid. At that +hour the boots waked me in a deuce of a stew, telling me that Madame +must see me without a moment's loss of time. I dressed anyhow and went +down to her. Poor little woman, what a state she was in! I don't +think I ever saw a sorrier picture in all my life. + +No fluffy stuff and fine pink satin now, but a shabby old morning gown +and her hair anyhow upon her shoulders, and in her eyes the look of a +woman who has been hunted and does not know where on God's earth she is +going to find a habitation. I've seen it twice in my life, and I never +want to see it again--for what man with a heart would wish to do so? + +"Britten," she says, almost like a play-actress on the stage of a +theatre, "Britten, do you know what happened last night?" + +"Well," says I, "for that matter lots of things happened; but if you're +speaking of the gentleman, your husband----" + +"My husband!"--you should have heard her laugh; it was just like one of +the animals at the Zoo--"my husband! That wasn't my husband! That was +the Baron Albert--the man I dread more than any one in the world. How +could you make such a mistake, Britten?" + +I shook my head. + +"Madame," says I, "I'm very sorry, but I took the first one that came +along and answered to the name. It must have been the head waiter's +fault." + +She clenched her hands and began to step up and down the room, wild +with perplexity. + +"It was all planned, Britten--all planned. They knew that I should +send for Count Joseph, and this villain came from Vienna to thwart me. +He must have bribed the servants at the hotel. And now, what do you +say to it? I am to be banished from France--he swears it. They have +written to Paris, and the decree may come at any moment. I am to be +banished, Britten--driven out like a common criminal! Oh, what shall I +do? My God, what shall I do?" + +That was a question I couldn't answer, but it did seem a wicked thing +to treat a woman so, and I wasn't ashamed to admit it. + +"Is there any law in France that can turn you out, madame?" I asked. +She answered that quickly enough. + +"Certainly there is, Britten. I know all about it. They can turn me +out at twenty-four hours' notice." + +"Why not go to the American Consulate, madame?" + +"Oh, you don't understand. If my husband were but here! Oh, they +would not insult me then--even if you were my husband, Britten." + +Upon my life and soul, I believe that she meant it. There was a look +in her eyes as she stood before me which, unless I'm the biggest fool +in Christendom, told me what was what plainly enough. A word, and I +could have taken that fine lady in my arms. I would swear to it. + +And what forbade me, you ask? Well, perhaps I'd heard a smash of glass +last night, and perhaps I hadn't; but I do believe it was that porter's +foolish remark about "votes for women" which put me off more than +anything else. So I drew back a step and answered her with more +respect than ever. + +"I'll see that nobody insults you while I am your servant, madame. If +I may make a suggestion, I would advise you to leave this town." + +She looked at me thoughtfully. + +"And where should I go, Britten?" + +"Back to Paris, madame--they won't interfere with you there." + +"But my husband--my dear husband?" + +I shrugged my shoulders. + +"Perhaps Mahomet will come to the--er--em--to you, madame." + +It was her turn to laugh; but I soon learned that my suggestion was no +good to her, and for a very simple reason. + +"Ah," she said, "men are strange creatures, Britten. When we will, +they will not; and when we will not, why, then they give us jewellery. +I can't go back to Paris. If I do, a police officer goes with me." + +"Take him on the box and call him a footman--unless you prefer to make +for London right away, madame." + +She was emphatic about this. + +"I can't, Britten! I must stay in Paris. It is my last chance of +seeing Count Joseph before he returns to Vienna for the summer. Oh, is +there no way? Is it quite impossible?" + +I scratched my head. Something had been inside it for some minutes. + +"Would you care to sit on the box beside me, madame?" + +She was all ears at this. + +"Of course I wouldn't mind. Have I not myself driven a car? Count +Mendez taught me at Cannes last year." + +"Could you drive this car a little way on the road to Italy?" + +"Why, certainly I could. But how would that help us?" + +"Supposing," said I, "that you didn't mind my old mackintosh, madame. +I've got that, and a leather cap I keep for the cold weather. If you +would put them on and sit beside me, I think we might do it. You can +drive if there's any necessity to do so." + +She clapped her hands so loud that I thought they would hear us on the +Promenade des Anglais below. + +"I'll do it, Britten--as I'm a living woman I'll do it. Go and bring +your clothes. We may not have an hour to spare. I'll cheat them yet, +Britten. Oh, you clever man--you clever man to have thought of it." + +"We might start at dusk, madame. Pay your bill, and give it out that +we are going into Italy this afternoon. You needn't come back. I'll +find you a private room next door to the garage, where you can change, +and we can set off just like two drivers on the box-seat, and nobody a +penny the wiser. When you get to Paris I can take you to a little +hotel----" + +She was like a child about it. + +"Why, of all the clever men! You shall look after me in Paris. I +won't forget you, Britten, and I'm rich enough for anything--at +present. You shall stop with me until Count Joseph comes----" + +I thought to myself that it would be an over-long engagement in that +case; but there was no call to say anything of the kind to her, and +stopping only to repeat my directions, I went round to the garage and +made ready. If Madame herself was excited at the prospect of giving +the fat man the go-by, I was no less; and I assure you that no boy's +game I had ever played excited me half as much. Best of all was the +thought that our quickness would forestall them; and if the authorities +did decide to expel her, we should be on the road to Paris long before +the edict arrived. + +As to what might happen afterwards, I was indifferent; for Paris is the +same as London to a proper motor-man, and I am just as much at home in +the Champs Elysêes as in Regent Street. So I left that to fortune, +and, setting about the plan, I had my things packed and the car made +ready under an hour, and at four o'clock sharp that afternoon I picked +up Madame and her trunks at the door of the hotel and set off boldly as +though to drive her to the Italian frontier. But I turned back before +we had gone a mile, and making straight for the little Italian hotel +next door to the garage, I smuggled her in without a soul being the +wiser, and out again as cleverly just after dusk. She was dressed then +just as I have told you--mackintosh up to her ears and a flat leather +cap, suiting her pretty face to perfection. But any fool could have +seen she was a woman twenty yards away; and I began to ask which was +the bigger idiot--me for making the suggestion, or she for taking it? +It was too late, however, to think of that, and trusting that good luck +might pull us through, perhaps looking on the whole affair as one which +was pretty near its end--and that no good end--I let the car go and +made straight for Brignoles. + +Quite what apprehension of danger was in her head or mine I really +don't know. Sometimes I think that she had a silly notion of what the +French prefect might have done to her, exaggerating, as women will, the +real situation, and dreadfully frightened of "foreigners." + +For myself, I wanted to get her back to Paris in spite of the attempt +to stop us; perhaps I wanted to be even with the red-faced man, who had +ordered me about last night; but whichever way it was, I could have +laughed fit to split every time I looked at that odd little bundle by +my side and thought of it as it was last night, all dressed in flummery +and rustling like the leaves. Nevertheless, I made no mention of it; +and, as much to her surprise as mine, we passed through Frejus without +any one stopping us, and drove right through the night without let or +hindrance. Not until dawn did I begin to ask myself some +questions--and they were awkward ones. What the devil was I going to +do with her in the towns? Why had I never thought of it? She was +wearing my long mackintosh, to be sure; but who would fail to recognise +her, and what would the talk be like? + +A hundred difficulties, not one of which I had had the brains to think +of last night, kept popping up like midgets in a puppet-show; and, as +though to crown them all, bang went the near-side back tyre at that +very moment, and there we were by the roadside, at five in the morning, +in as desolate a place as you want to find, and not the sign of house +or village wherever the eye might turn. + +Now Madame had been nearly asleep upon my shoulder when this happened, +but she woke up at the report and looked up all about her as though she +had been dreaming. + +"Where are we, Britten?" she asked. "What has happened to us?" + +"Tyre gone, madame. I must trouble you to get down." + +She woke up at this, and got out immediately. I could see that she was +more clear-headed than she had been last night, if not less frightened. + +"This was a very foolish thing to do, Britten. We are sure to be +followed." + +"That's as it may be, madame. I fear it's too late to think of it now. +My business is to get this tyre fixed up." + +"Will it take you very long, Britten?" + +"Thirty minutes ordinary. But it's a new cover and stiff--I'll say +forty." + +"Then I'll see to the breakfast. Wasn't it clever of me to think of +it? I've brought a Thermos and a basket. We'll have breakfast in the +little wood on the hillside. If no one follows us, I can be myself +again at Aix, and we shall get to Paris, after all. But oh, Britten, I +must look an object in your clothes. Why ever did you ask me to wear +them?" + +I made a dry answer. A man wrestling with a 935 by 135 cover isn't +exactly in the mood to compliment a woman on her frippery or talk about +the mountains. And I'm no more than human, all said and done, and the +sight of the food she took out of the basket made me feel well-nigh +desperate. So I turned my back upon her, and she went off to the copse +to prepare breakfast as she had promised. Not five minutes afterwards +I heard the hum of another car in the distance, and, looking up from my +wheel, I saw a great red Mercedes coming down the hillside like a racer +at Brooklands. + +I knew that we were in for it; instinct told me immediately that we had +been followed from Frejus or Nice, and that danger was aboard that +flyer, and would be up with us in less than two minutes. What to do, +whether to shout to Madame to run and hide herself--to do that or just +go on with my work as though nothing had happened was a problem to make +a man half silly. But in the end I held on tenaciously, and when the +big car drew up beside me, I merely looked up and nodded to the driver +as though to signal to him that all was well. + +"Bon jour," says he. + +"Morning," says I. + +"Vous-êtes en panne, mon ami?" + +"Hit it first time," says I--for those words are understood by every +motor-man who's been in the Riviera--"in the pan and the grease +together. Where are you for?" + +"Brignoles et Paris. Mais où donc est Madame?" + +I looked up, my heart beating fast, and took a peep into his tonneau. +The red-faced man was there right enough, but as fast asleep as a +parson over his empty port-wine glass. Could I persuade this bonny +Frenchman to get on with his job, we were half out of the wood sure and +certain. But could I? Lord, how my hands shook when I replied: + +"Madame est allé dans le train--Paree--Calais--moi je suis seul"--which +was rather good, I thought, though that was not the time to say so. + +Well, it seemed successful enough. The Frenchee took a look to the +right and a look to the left of him, opened his throttle as though to +let in his clutch and closed it again, took off his side brake, and +then, just when I was pluming myself that we were through, what do you +think the fool does? Why, turns deliberately round and wakes the +red-faced Baron. + +What passed between them I don't pretend to say, for the French went to +and fro like lightning between summer clouds. But of this I am +certain: that there never was such a devilish smile as the old Baron +turned on me when he got down from the tonneau and took a swift survey +of the scene as though sure already of his quarry. + +"Ah," he cried, "here is our faithful friend once more. Good-day, Mr. +Britten. I hope I see you well?" + +"You see me next door to the devil," said I--for out here on the +mountain side I didn't care a dump for him. Bluff, however, went for +nothing that morning. I had met my match, and I knew it. + +"Britten," says he, taking a big cigar from a case and lighting it with +provoking deliberation. "Shall we make a truce, Britten?" + +"Make what you like," says I. "This car has got to get to Paris to +fetch my mistress. If a truce will do it, I'm taking some, right here." + +He smiled again, but so softly that I could have hit him. + +"Where is she hiding, Britten?" he asked, almost in a whisper. "Where +has that very pretty lady chosen to conceal her charms? Come, tell me, +my lad, and I'll give you five louis. What is the good of being so +foolish?" + +I didn't answer a word, and he took another look all round the hills. +Luckily, if there was one coppice, there were twenty in that gorge, and +when I saw him walking away to the wrong one, I thought I should burst +out laughing on the spot. That, I am glad to say, I did not do; but +calmly going on with my work, I had the new cover in presently and was +ready to make a start. From that moment the drollery of the +situation--for it was droll, as I live--began in dead earnest, and +lasted right through a hot summer's day--until dusk came down, in fact, +and the issue was over for good and all. + +Can't you imagine just what happened, and see the irony of it all? +Depict a great open chasm between the hills, little copses of pines +everywhere, and more than one thicket; a white road winding through the +valley, and two cars stuck up on that same. + +Say that there was a fat Baron trotting to and fro like a dog hunting +for rabbits; put down two tired and hungry chauffeurs, famished for +want of meat and cursing their fate; do this, and add that they swore +at both the sexes indifferently, and you'll have the thing to a tick. +But I assure you that it's pleasanter to read about than to suffer; and +any driver would admit as much. + +Good Lord, what a day it was! The fat Baron, I should tell you, did +not give up the hunt until near twelve o'clock; but when he had +searched every thicket within a mile or more, he came back to us and +deliberately made himself comfortable inside his car. As for me, I did +not dare to move a step either way. If I had gone on, it would have +been to have left Madame in the woods; while if I stayed, he +stayed--and there you had it. And this game went on till dusk, mind +you, and would have gone on longer but for the instinct which came to +me quite suddenly like a thought dropped from the skies: that her +ladyship had given us both the slip, after all, and would be already +where the Baron Albert could not find her. This idea growing to an +unalterable conviction decided me at last. I started my engine, +mounted my box-seat, and without a word to either of them drove +straight away to Brignoles--thence, without a question from any one, to +Paris and my master. + + * * * * * + +It would have been three months afterwards that I received a letter +from Madame, addressed from the yacht _Mostar_, then in Norwegian +waters. She sent me ten pounds for myself, and after telling me that +she was cruising with Baron Albert and his sister--a piece of news +which fairly took my breath away--she went on to remark that the train +service from Brignoles to Aix is excellent, but that she preferred not +to make the journey in a leather cap and a mackintosh. + +So, you see, I guessed in a moment that she had slipped away to +Brignoles while we were talking about her that morning, and just taken +the early express to Aix without a word to anybody. We had been but +three kilometres from the town when the tyre burst, and so the journey +could hardly have fatigued her. + +As for her husband, the so-called Count Joseph, I heard in Paris +afterwards that he wasn't her husband at all, but a rich young +Hungarian noble she was trying desperately hard to marry. The Count +Albert had been sent to Monte Carlo by the young man's people to +protect him from this ambitious lady, and right well he appears to have +done the business, for he must have found her in Paris afterwards and +offered her the hospitality of his yacht. + +I hope his sister was on board; I do indeed hope so. + +But this is a rum world--and Lord, the scandal that some people will +think of makes me quite unhappy sometimes. + + + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Man Who Drove the Car, by Max Pemberton + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MAN WHO DROVE THE CAR *** + +***** This file should be named 28595-8.txt or 28595-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/8/5/9/28595/ + +Produced by Al Haines + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Man Who Drove the Car + +Author: Max Pemberton + +Release Date: April 23, 2009 [EBook #28595] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MAN WHO DROVE THE CAR *** + + + + +Produced by Al Haines + + + + + +</pre> + + +<BR><BR> + +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-front.jpg" ALT="Cover art" BORDER="2" WIDTH="415" HEIGHT="661"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<H1 ALIGN="center"> +THE MAN WHO +<BR> +DROVE THE CAR +</H1> + +<BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +BY +</H3> + +<H2 ALIGN="center"> +MAX PEMBERTON +</H2> + +<BR><BR> + +<H4 ALIGN="center"> +AUTHOR OF +<BR> +"THE GIRL WITH THE RED HAIR" +<BR> +"THE IRON PIRATE" ETC. +</H4> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +LONDON +<BR> +EVELEIGH NASH +<BR> +FAWSIDE HOUSE +<BR> +1910 +</H3> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<H5 ALIGN="center"> +Printed by BALLANTYNE & Co. LIMITED +<BR> +Tavistock Street, Coven Garden, London +</H5> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<H2 ALIGN="center"> +CONTENTS +</H2> + +<TABLE ALIGN="center" WIDTH="80%"> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">I. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap01">THE ROOM IN BLACK</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">II. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap02">THE SILVER WEDDING</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">III. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap03">IN ACCOUNT WITH DOLLY ST. JOHN</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">IV. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap04">THE LADY WHO LOOKED ON</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">V. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap05">THE BASKET IN THE BOUNDARY ROAD</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">VI. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap06">THE COUNTESS</A></TD> +</TR> + +</TABLE> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap01"></A> + +<H4 ALIGN="center"> +I +</H4> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE ROOM IN BLACK +</H3> + +<P> +They say that every man should have a master, but, for my part, I +prefer a mistress. Give me a nice young woman with plenty of money in +her pocket, and a bit of taste for seeing life, and I'll leave you all +the prying "amatoors" that ever sniffed about a gear-box without +knowing what was inside that same. +</P> + +<P> +I have driven plenty of pretty girls in my life; but I don't know that +the prettiest wasn't Fauny Dartel, of the Apollo. This story isn't +about her—except in a way—so it doesn't much matter; but when I first +knew Fauny she was getting thirty bob a week in "The Boys of Boulogne," +and, as she paid me three pound ten every Saturday, and the car cost +her some four hundred per annum to run, she must have been of a saving +disposition. Certainly a better mistress no man wants—not Lal +Britten, which is yours truly. I drove her for five months, and never +had a word with her. Then a man, who said he was a bailiff, came and +took her car away, and there was no money for me on the Saturday. So I +suppose she married into the peerage. +</P> + +<P> +My story isn't about Fauny Dartel, though it's got to do with her. +It's about a man who didn't know who he was—at least, he said so—and +couldn't tell you why he did it. We picked him up outside the Carlton +Hotel, Fauny and me,[<A NAME="ch1fn1text"></A><A HREF="#ch1fn1">1</A>] three nights before "The Boys of Boulogne" went +into the country, and "The Girls" from some other shop took their +place. She was going to sup with her brother, I remember—astonishing +how many brothers she had, too—and I was to return to the mews off +Lancaster Gate, when, just as I had set her down and was about to drive +away, up comes a jolly-looking man in a fine fur coat and an opera hat, +and asks me if I was a taxi. Lord, how I stared at him! +</P> + +<P> +"Taxi yourself," says I, "and what asylum have you escaped out of?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, come, come," says he, "don't be huffy. I only wanted to go as far +as Portman Square." +</P> + +<P> +"Then call a furniture van," says I, "and perhaps they'll get you +aboard." +</P> + +<P> +My dander was up, I tell you, for I was on the box of as pretty a +Daimler landaulette as ever came out of Coventry, and if there's +anything I never want to be, it's the driver of a pillar-box with a +flag in his left ear. No doubt I should have said much more to the +gentleman, when what do you think happens—why, Fauny herself comes up +and tells me to take him. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm sure we should like some one to do the same for us if no taxis +were about," says she very sweetly; "please take the gentleman, +Britten, and then you can go home." +</P> + +<P> +Well, I sat there as amazed a man as any in the Haymarket. It's true +there weren't any taxis on the rank at the minute; but he could have +got one by walking a hundred yards along Trafalgar Square, and she must +have known it as well as he did. All the same, she smiled sweetly at +him and he at her—and then, with a tremendous sweep of his hat, he +makes a gallant speech to her. +</P> + +<P> +"I am under a thousand obligations," says he; "really, I couldn't +intrude." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, get in and go off," says she, almost pushing him. "I shall lose +my supper if you don't." +</P> + +<P> +He obeyed her immediately, and away we went. You will remember that +his talk had been of a house in Portman Square; but no sooner had I +turned the corner by the Criterion than he began speaking through the +tube, and telling me to go to Playford's in Berkeley Square. There he +stopped, notwithstanding that it was getting on for twelve o'clock; and +when he had rung the bell and entered the house, I had to wait a good +fifteen minutes before he was ready for the second stage. +</P> + +<P> +"Is it Portman Square now?" I asked him. He laughed and slipped a +sovereign into my hand. +</P> + +<P> +"I can see you're one of the right sort," he said. "Would you mind +running round to the King's Road, Chelsea, for ten minutes? Perhaps +there'll be another sovereign before we get to bed to-night." +</P> + +<P> +I pocketed the money—you don't find many drivers who are long off the +fourth speed in that line, and Lal Britten is no exception. As for the +gentleman, he did seem a merry fellow, and his air was that of a Duke +all over—the kind of man who says "Do it," and finds you there every +time. We were round at the King's Road, Chelsea, perhaps a quarter of +an hour after he had spoken, and there we stopped at the door of a lot +of studios, which I have been told since are where some of the great +painters of the country keep their pictures. Here my friend was gone +perhaps twenty minutes, and when next I saw him he had three flash-up +ladies with him, and every one as classy as he was. +</P> + +<P> +"Relations of mine," says he, as he pushes 'em into the landaulette, +and closes the door himself. "Now you may drive to Portman Square just +as fast as you please, for I'm an early bird myself, and don't approve +of late hours." +</P> + +<P> +Well, I stared, be sure of it, though staring didn't fit that riddle, +not by a long way. My mistress had lent her landaulette to a stranger; +but I felt sure that she wouldn't have liked this sort of thing—and +yet, remember, the gentleman had told me to drive to Portman Square, so +there could not be much the matter, after all. +</P> + +<P> +As for the ladies, it wasn't for me to quarrel with them. They were +all very well dressed, and behaved themselves perfectly. I came to the +conclusion that I was dealing with some rich man who had a bee in his +bonnet, and, my curiosity getting the better of me, I drove away to +Portman Square without as much as a word. +</P> + +<P> +Now, this would have been some time after twelve o'clock. It was, I +think, a quarter to one when we turned into Portman Square, and he +began to work the signal on the driver's seat which tells you whether +you are to go to the right or the left, slow or easy, out or home +again. All sorts of contradictory orders baffling me, we drew up at +last before a big house on the Oxford Street side, and this, to my +astonishment, had a "To Let" board in the window, and another at the +pillar of the front door. What was even more astonishing was the fact +that this empty house—for I saw at a glance it was that—was just +lighted up from cellar to attic, while there was as many as three +furniture vans drawn up against the pavement, and sending in their +contents as fast as a dozen men could carry them. All this, mind you, +I took in at a glance. No time was given me to think about it, for the +stranger was out of the car in a jiffy and had given me my instructions +in two. +</P> + +<P> +"Here's your sovereign," says he; "if you want to earn ten times as +many come back for me at four o'clock—or, better still, stay and give +'em a hand inside. We want all the help we can get to-night, and no +mistake about it. You can get your supper here, and bring that car +round when I'm ready." +</P> + +<P> +Well, I didn't know what to do. My mistress had said nothing about +stopping up until four o'clock—but for that matter she hadn't +mentioned ten pounds sterling either—and here was this merry gentleman +talking about it glibly enough. +</P> + +<P> +For my part the fun of the whole thing began to take hold of me, and I +determined to see it through whatever the cost. There were goings on +in Portman Square, and no mistake about it—and why should Lal Britten +be left out in the cold? Not much, I can tell you. And I had the car +away in the garage off the Edgware Road, and was back at the old +gentleman's house just about as quick as any driver could have made the +journey. +</P> + +<P> +There I found the square half full of people. Three policemen stood at +the door of the house, and a pretty crowd of loafers, such as a party +in London can always bring together, watched the fun, although they +couldn't make much of it. Asking what the hullabaloo was about, a +fellow told me that Lord Crossborough had come up from the country +suddenly, and was "a-keeping of his jubilee" at No. 20B. +</P> + +<P> +"Half the Gaiety's there, to say nothing of the Merry Widow," says he, +as I pushed past him, "and don't you be in a hurry, guv'nor, 'cause +you've forgotten yer diamond collar. They won't say nothink up there, +not if you was to go in a billycock 'at and a duster, s'welp me, they +wouldn't——" But I didn't listen to him, and going up the front door +steps by the policemen, I told them I was Lord Crossborough's driver, +and passed right in. +</P> + +<P> +Now I have been through many funny scenes in my life, seen many funny +gentlemen, to say nothing of funny ladies, and have had many a good +time on many a good car. But this I shall say at once, that I never +got a greater surprise than when I got back to 20B, and found myself in +the empty hall among twenty or thirty pairs of yellow breeches and as +many cooks in white aprons, all pushing and shouting, and swearing that +the area gate was locked and bolted, and the kitchen in no fit state to +serve supper to a dog. +</P> + +<P> +Upstairs on the landings men in white aprons were carrying plants in +pots, and building up banks of roses; while higher up still stood Lord +Crossborough himself—the gentleman I had driven from the +Carlton—shouting to them to do this and to do that, smoking a cigar as +long as your arm, and all the time as merry as a two-year-old at a +morning gallop. +</P> + +<P> +As for the young ladies, they had taken off their cloaks, and all wore +pretty gowns, same as they would wear for any party in that part of the +world, and they were standing by his lordship's side, apparently just +as much amused as he was. What astonished me in particular was this +nobleman's affability towards me, for he cried out directly he saw me, +and implored me for heaven's sake to get the padlock off the area gate, +or, says he, "I'm d—d if they won't be cooking the ducks in the +drawing-room." +</P> + +<P> +I was only too ready to oblige him, that goes without saying, though I +had to run round to the garage for a file and a chisel, and when I got +back for the second time, it took me twenty minutes to get off the +padlock, after which they sent me upstairs, as they said, "to help with +the flats." Then I discovered that a play, or something, was to be +given in the drawing-room, the back part of which was full of scenery, +showing a castle on the top of a precipice and a view of the Thames +Embankment just below it, while away in the small library on the other +side of the staircase stood twenty or thirty ballet girls, just come +from one of the West End theatres. +</P> + +<P> +Immediately after they had arrived, a number of fiddlers came tumbling +up the stairs, and the fun began in earnest. A proper gentleman, who +seemed to know what he was talking about, though, to be sure, he did +call all the ladies his "darlings," started to put 'em through their +paces. I saw one of our leading musical ladies coming down the stairs +from the rooms above, and presently a lot of guests arrived from the +hall below, and went into the great drawing-room, where the audience +was to sit. "After all," says I, "this is just his lordship's bit of +fun—he's giving one of those impromptu parties we've heard so much +about, and this play-acting is the surprise of it." You shall see +presently how very wrong I was. +</P> + +<P> +Well, the play went merry enough, as it should have done, seeing it was +performed by people who have to make their living by plays. When it +was over, his lordship gets up and says something about their having +supper, not in the English way but the French, same as they do at the +Catsare[<A NAME="ch1fn2text"></A><A HREF="#ch1fn2">2</A>] in Paris. This pleased them all very much, and I could see +that the most part of them were not real ladies and gentlemen at all, +but riff-raff Bohemian stuff out for a spree, and determined to have +one. The supper itself was the most amusing affair you ever saw; for +what must they do but flop down on the floor just where they stood, not +minding the bare boards at all, and eat cold chicken and twist rolls +from paper bags the footman threw to them. As for the liquor, you +would have thought they never could have enough of it—but it's not for +me to say anything about that, seeing I had a bottle of the best to +myself down in the corner by the conservatory, and more than one paper +bag when the first was empty. +</P> + +<P> +Now, this supper occupied them until nearly three in the morning. I +make out—as I had to do to the police—that it was just a quarter past +three when the real business began, and a pretty frightening business, +as my sequel will show. First it began with the sweepers, who swept up +the wreck of the vittals with long brooms, and sprinkled scented water +afterwards to lay the dust. Then the musicians played a mournful sort +of tune, and after that, what do you think?—why, in came a number of +stage carpenters, who began to hang the whole place with black. +</P> + +<P> +I have told you already that it was an empty house and not a stick of +furniture in it, save what we carried there—so you will see that all +this affair must have been arranged a long time before, for the black +hangings were all made to fit the room, and upon them they hung black +candlesticks with yellow candles in them—as melancholy as those used +for a funeral, and just the same kind, so far as I could see. This +interested the company very much. I could hear all sorts of remarks +from the riff-raff who were making love on the stairs; and presently +they all crowded into the room and listened to Lord Crossborough while +he made them a speech. +</P> + +<P> +Let me confess that what I know about this speech I learned chiefly +from the newspapers. His lordship spoke of his family affairs, and +spoke of them in a way that might very well astonish the company. +</P> + +<P> +To begin with, he mentioned his own eccentricities during the last five +months, when, as he reminded them, he had retired from public life and +gone down to Hertfordshire to found an academy where, with a few +convivials, he might study Latin and Greek and forget the high old time +he had had in London formerly. +</P> + +<P> +This, he said, had been a pretty slow business, and quite given him the +jumps. He began to find himself sighing for the old days. Plato and +Socrates were fine old boys, but he preferred "The Boys of Boulogne" at +the Apollo, and no mistake about it. So he had given up keeping house +with Plato and the other gentleman, and was going over to France, when +he discovered Captain Blackham's adventure with Jenny Frobisher of the +Opera House, and wanted to know more about it. Did they think he would +put up with that? Not for a minute, and, seeing that you can't get law +in such affairs in this country, he meant to do his own law-making. +That very night he had asked Captain Blackham to come to this house +that they might meet and have it out like gentlemen should do. One of +them would not return—he left it to the company to bear witness that +all was done squarely as between men of honour, and he begged them to +keep his confidence. It was then half-past three. They might expect +the Captain in ten minutes, during which time he would make his +preparations. He was sure they would never betray him. +</P> + +<P> +You may imagine the excitement this speech gave rise to. I was at the +bottom of the stairs at the time, and I could hear the women crying out +to each other, and the men asking what it all meant. Such a confusion +and babel I shall never listen to again in any house. What with some +running downstairs and calling for their carriages, the band playing, +his lordship bawling for his servants—and, upon all this, the sudden +arrival of the Captain, who carried a pair of swords in his hand—why, +no madhouse could have matched it. +</P> + +<P> +Well enough, I say, for Lord Crossborough to ask people not to betray +him; but what woman could hold her tongue under such circumstances, and +how did he think that such a game could be played and the police hear +nothing of it? Why, I tell you that half a dozen girls were bawling +"Murder!" before five minutes were past, and as many more imploring the +police outside to step up and stop it. For myself I made no bones +about the matter; and, not wishing to appear in a police court next +day, and thinking certainly that Lord Crossborough was as mad as any +first-floor tenant of Hanwell, I pushed my way through the press and +went off to the garage. Ten pound or no ten pound, I was for bed. +Will you ask me if I was surprised when, going up to the car, the very +first person I met was his lordship, with a cigar about seven inches +long in his mouth, and as pretty a smile above his long black beard as +I have seen this many a day. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, my boy," says he, opening the door quite calmly and stepping +inside with no more concern than if I had just driven him from the +Carlton to Hyde Park Corner, "well, now I think we shall soon have +earned that extra ten-pound note. The next house is in +Hertfordshire—three miles from Potter's Bar, on the road to Five +Corners. Do you happen to know it, by the way?" +</P> + +<P> +I could hardly answer him for amazement. +</P> + +<P> +"But what about the Captain, sir," cried I. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," says he, "the Captain will never trouble me again. Now get up +and make haste. Is your back lamp all right? That's good—I +particularly wish all the policemen to get our number. Go right ahead +and stop for no one. It's a big house, I am told, and we cannot miss +it." +</P> + +<P> +"But," cried I, "isn't it your lordship's house?" +</P> + +<P> +He laughed, the merriest laugh in all the world. +</P> + +<P> +"I was never there in my life," says he; "now get on, for heaven's +sake, or you'll have the morning here." +</P> + +<P> +I hadn't a word for this, and, wondering whether I had gone dotty or +he, I let the Daimler out and drove straight up Baker Street, through +the Park and out on to the Finchley Road. The police have eyes all +round their heads for this track as a rule, but never a policeman do I +remember seeing that night, and we travelled forty-five an hour after +Barnet if we travelled a mile. +</P> + +<P> +My directions, you will remember, had been to go straight through +Potter's Bar, and then on to a place called Five Corners—a locality I +had never heard of, well as I know Hertfordshire and the roads round +about. This I told his lordship as we slowed up in the village, and +his answer was surprising, for he told me to go to the police station +and to ask there. So I slowed up in Potter's Bar, and, seeing a +policeman, I asked him to direct me. +</P> + +<P> +"Keep to the right and turn to the right again," says he, staring hard +at his lordship and at me. "That's Lord Crossborough's house, isn't +it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, yes," says I, naturally enough, "and it's his lordship I am +driving." +</P> + +<P> +He nodded pleasantly at this, and his lordship putting his head out of +the window at the moment, he spoke to him direct. +</P> + +<P> +"Rather late to-night, my lord." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, yes, very late, and a driver who doesn't know the road. I am +much obliged to you, constable. Tell him how to go, and here's a +sovereign for you." +</P> + +<P> +A policeman doesn't like a sovereign, of course, and this fellow was +just as nasty about it as the others. I suppose he spent the next +quarter of an hour directing me how to go, and when that was done he +saluted his lordship in fine military fashion. To be truthful, I may +say that we went out of Potter's Bar with flying colours, and for the +next ten minutes I drove slowly down dark lanes with corners sharp +enough for copybooks, and hedges so high that a man couldn't feel +himself for the darkness. When we got out of this we came to five +cross-roads, and a big sign-post; and here, I remembered, the policeman +had told me to take the middle road to the left, and that I should find +Five Corners a quarter of a mile further down. So I was just swinging +the big car round when what should happen but that the signal told me +to stop, and, bringing to in a jiffy, I waited for his lordship to +speak. +</P> + +<P> +"Britten," says he, for I had told him my name half a dozen times +already, "Britten, this is very important to me. I'll make it fifteen +pounds if you do the job well. Just drive up to the lodge, and when +the man opens, you say 'His lordship is very late to-night.' After +that, you'll keep to the lower of two roads and come to another lodge. +There, when you wake them up, you will say, 'His lordship is very early +this morning,' and after that, drive away just as hard as the old car +can take you. I'm in the mood to have some fun to-night, and whatever +I do is no responsibility of yours, so don't you be troubled about it, +my lad. I shall exonerate you if there's any tale; but there can't be +one, for surely a man may drive through his own park when he has the +mind to." +</P> + +<P> +I said "Of course he had," for what else could I say? The further I +got into this job the madder it appeared to be. Perhaps just because +of its madness, I determined to see the end of it. After all, I had +been ordered by my mistress to drive this gentleman, and whatever he +might choose to do was no concern of mine. If I tell the whole truth, +and say I thought him a lunatic with whom it would be dangerous to +quarrel, well, there's no harm in that; for how many would have done +different, and where's the blame? Lords go mad like other people, for +all their coronets; and fine times they appear to have in that +condition. I said Lord Crossborough was either daft or had some deep +game going; and, with that to keep me up, I drove straight to the lodge +gates, and bawled for them to let me in. +</P> + +<P> +There was a long wait here, fifteen good minutes or more before a +tousled-haired girl opened the little window of the cottage, and asked +me what I wanted. When I told her to look sharp and not keep his +lordship waiting, I do believe she laughed in my face. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, he's not left the house for a month!" cries she. "Now don't tell +me!" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, but I'm going to tell you—that and a lot more, if you don't hurry +up. Don't you see that I've brought his lordship home?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, dear me," says she, all flustered; "I'm sure I beg his lordship's +pardon——" and with that she came down like a shot and opened the +gate. For my part I had nothing more to say to her, except the remark +which Lord Crossborough had ordered me to make, and exclaiming, "His +lordship is late to-night," I let the clutch in and started the car. A +glance behind me showed me my passenger fast asleep, with the girl +staring at him with all her eyes. But she said no more, and I drove +on, and hadn't gone fifty yards before the signal was working again. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," says I, "then we've got no sort of dormouse up to be sure. +Asleep and awake again all in five minutes"; but I slowed up the car as +he directed, and immediately afterwards he called my attention to +another party who shared the road with us, and was as curious as the +girl. He was a policeman, and he had passed through the lodge gates +right on our heels. +</P> + +<P> +I don't know how it is, but if you are doing anything you have any +doubt about at all, the sight of a policeman always gives you the +creeps. I never see one, but I wonder if he has been timing me, or +quarrelling with my number-plates, or doing one or other of those +things which policemen do, and we poor devils pay for. +</P> + +<P> +This time I was right down afraid, and made no bones about it. The +scene in Portman Square, the women's screams, the empty house, the +black hangings, the talk concerning the duel, and his lordship's +mysterious words about Captain Blackham never troubling him any more: +they came upon me in a flash, and almost drove me silly. Not so my +lord himself—I had never seen him calmer. +</P> + +<P> +"Good-morning, constable," says he, "and what can I do for you?" +</P> + +<P> +"I beg your pardon, sir," says the man, dismounting as he spoke, "but +there's a telegram from London about your house in Portman Square, and +I came up to see if you know anything about it." +</P> + +<P> +"Of course I do, constable—very good of you, though. Tell them it's +all right, just a little party to some of my old friends. And here's a +sovereign for you; call again later on if you have anything to say. +I'm half asleep and dead tired." +</P> + +<P> +He threw a sovereign out on to the grass, and the police sergeant +picked it up sharp enough. I thought there was a kind of hesitation in +his manner, but couldn't make much of it. Whatever he thought or +wished to say, however, that he kept to himself, and after remarking +that the morning would break fine, and that he was much obliged to his +lordship, he mounted and rode away. This was the moment Lord +Crossborough ceased to work the signal, and, opening the front window, +spoke to me direct. +</P> + +<P> +"Stop your engine," he says in a low voice, "and see you don't start it +until that fellow is out of the park." +</P> + +<P> +I thought it a strange order, but did as he wished. It was plain to +me, as it would have been plain to any one, that he didn't wish the +constable to see us take the lower road, and had thought out this trick +to work his will. I am a pretty good hand myself at stopping my +engine, and being unable to start her, especially when my master or +mistress wants to get there in a hurry and doesn't consult my +convenience. So I was down in a jiffy when his lordship spoke, and +there I stood, pretending to swing the handle and to poke about inside +the bonnet until the sergeant had turned the corner of the drive, and +it was safe to go ahead again. +</P> + +<P> +The second lodge lay perhaps the third of a mile from the place where +we had halted, and we must pass within a hundred yards of the house +itself to get to it. I didn't need to be told not to sound my horn as +we went by, and we were creeping along nicely when—and this was +something which seemed to hit me in the very face—we came upon a man +walking under the trees by the lake side, and he—believe me or not as +you like—was the very living image of my passenger. "Good God!" says +I, "then there are two of 'em," and in a very twinkling the whole +nature of this night's business seemed clear to me. +</P> + +<P> +A man just like his lordship, dressed in a tweed suit and with a thick +stick in his hand—a man with a bushy black beard, a full round +forehead, and the very walk and movement of the man I carried. What +was I to make of him, what to think of it? Well, I can hardly tell you +that, for, no sooner did we catch sight of the man than my passenger +roared to me to go straight on, and, ducking down inside the +landaulette, he hid himself as completely from sight as though he had +been in the tool-box. For my part, remembering the old adage about "In +for a penny in for a pound," I just let the Daimler fly, and we went +down the drive and up to the lodge as fast as car ever travelled that +particular road or will travel it whatever the circumstances. +</P> + +<P> +"Gate," I roared, "gate, gate!" for the padlock was plain enough and a +good stout chain about it. No one answered me for more than five +minutes, I suppose, and no sooner did an old man appear, than I saw the +stranger with his bushy black beard, his lordship's double, running +down the drive for all he was worth, and bawling to the gate-keeper not +to open. +</P> + +<P> +A critical moment this, upon my word, and one to bring a man's heart +into his mouth—the doddering old man tottering to the gate; the +stranger running like a prize-winner; Lord Crossborough himself, +doubled up in the bottom of the landaulette, and me sitting there with +my foot on the clutch, my hand on the throttle, and my pulse going like +one o'clock. Should we do it or should we not? Would it be shut or +open? The question answered itself a moment later, when the +lodge-keeper, not seeing the other fellow, half opened the iron gates +and let my bonnet in between them. The car almost knocked him down as +we raced through—I could hear him bawling "Stop!" even above the hum +of the engine. +</P> + +<P> +You will not have forgotten that his lordship had told me to go, hell +for leather, directly I was through the gate, and right well I obeyed +him. The lanes were narrow and twisty; there were morning mists +blowing up from the fields; we passed more than one market cart, and +nearly lost our wings. But I was out to earn fifteen of the best, and +right well I worked for them. Slap bang into Potter's Bar, slap bang +out of it and round the bend towards Prickly Hill. I couldn't have +driven faster if I had had the whole county police at my heels—and the +Lord knows whether I had or not. +</P> + +<P> +This brought us to Barnet in next to no time. We were still doing +forty as we entered the town, and would have run out of it at +twenty-five after we'd passed the church and the police station—would +have, I say, but for one little fact, and that was a fat sergeant of +police right in the middle of the road, with his hand held up like a +leg of mutton, and a voice that might have been hailing a burglar. +</P> + +<P> +"Here, you," he cried, as I drew up, "who have you got in that car?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why," says I, "who should I have but somebody who has a right to be +there? Ask his lordship for himself." +</P> + +<P> +"His lordship—do you mean Lord Crossborough?" +</P> + +<P> +I went to say "Yes," just as he opened the door. You shall judge what +I thought of it when a glance behind me showed that the landaulette was +empty. +</P> + +<P> +"Now, who are you making game of?" cried the sergeant, throwing the +door wide open. "There ain't no lordship in here. What do you mean by +saying there was?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, he was there when I left Five Corners——" +</P> + +<P> +"What! you've come from his house?" +</P> + +<P> +"Straight away," says I, "and no calls. Ask him for yourself." +</P> + +<P> +He could see that I was flabbergasted and telling him the truth. There +was the landaulette as empty as a box of chocolates when the +parlourmaid has done with them. How Lord Crossborough got out or where +he had gone to when he did get out, I knew no more than the dead. One +thing was plain—I was as clean sold as any greenhorn at any country +fair. And I made no bones about telling the sergeant as much. +</P> + +<P> +"He asked me to drive him down from town to his house at Five Corners. +My mistress told me to take him, and I did. I was to have fifteen of +the best for the job—and here you see what I get. Oh, you bet I'm +happy." +</P> + +<P> +I spoke with some feeling, and you may be sure I felt pretty kind +towards Lord Crossborough just then. To be kept up all night and run +about like a "yellow breeches," to have my ears crammed with promises +and my skin drenched with the mists, to find myself stranded in Barnet +at the end. It was more than any man's temper could stand, and that I +told the sergeant. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," says I, "next time I meet him, I shall have something pretty +strong to say to that same Lord Crossborough, and you may tell him so +when you see him." +</P> + +<P> +"See him—I wish we could see him. There's half the county police +looking for him this minute. Oh, we'd like to see him all right, and a +few others as well. Now, you come down to the station and tell us all +about it. There'll be a cup of hot coffee there, and I daresay you +won't mind that." +</P> + +<P> +I said that I wouldn't, and went along with him. An inspector at the +station took my story down from the time I set off from the Carlton to +the moment I quitted Five Corners. What he wanted it for, what Lord +Crossborough had done, or what he was going to do, they didn't tell me, +nor did I care. But they gave me a jolly good breakfast before they +sent me off, and that was about the best thing I had had for twelve +long hours. It was eleven o'clock when I got back to town at last. +And at three o'clock precisely I saw my mistress again. +</P> + +<P> +You will readily imagine that I was glad of this interview, and had +been looking forward to it anxiously from the time I drove the car into +the stable until the moment it came off. Miss Dartel had a flat in +Bayswater just then; but she didn't send for me there, and it was at +the theatre I saw her, in her own dressing-room between the acts of a +rehearsal. A clean-shaven gentleman was talking to her when I went in, +and for a little while I didn't recognise him; but presently he turned +round, and something in his manner and tone of voice caused me to look +up sharp enough. +</P> + +<P> +"Why," says I, "his lordship!" +</P> + +<P> +They both laughed at this, and Miss Dartel held up her finger. +</P> + +<P> +"Whatever are you saying, Britten?" cried she. "That's Mr. Jermyn, of +the Hicks Theatre." +</P> + +<P> +"Jermyn or French," says I, my temper getting up, "he's the man I drove +to Five Corners last night—and fifteen pounds he owes me, neither more +nor less." +</P> + +<P> +Well, they both laughed again, and the gentleman, he took a pocket-book +from the inside pocket of his coat and laid three five-pound notes on +the table. While they were there, Miss Dartel puts her pretty fingers +upon them, and begins to speak quite confidentially— +</P> + +<P> +"Britten," says she, "there's fifteen pounds. I daresay it would be +fifty if you had a very bad memory, Britten, and couldn't recognise the +gentleman you picked up last night. Now, do you think you have such a +bad memory as all that?" +</P> + +<P> +I twigged it in a minute, and answered them quite honestly. +</P> + +<P> +"I must know more or less, madame," says I. "Remember my interests are +not this gentleman's interests." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, that's quite fair, Britten, though naturally, we know nothing. +But they do say that poor Lord Crossborough has gone quite silly about +the rural life. He's been reading Tolstoy's books, and wants to live +upon a shilling a day; while poor Lady Crossborough, who knows my +cousin, Captain Blackham, very well, she's bored to death, and it will +kill her if it goes on. So, you see, she persuaded his lordship to +give that funny party at his old house in Portman Square last night, +and all the papers are laughing at it to-day, and he'll be chaffed out +of his life. I'm sure Lady Crossborough will get her way now, Britten; +and when the police hear it was only an eccentricity upon his +lordship's part, they won't say anything. Now, do you think that you +would be able to swear that the man you drove last night was very like +Lord Crossborough? If so, it would be lucky, and I'm sure her ladyship +will give you fifty pounds." +</P> + +<P> +I thought about it a minute, rolling up the notes and putting them into +my pocket. Of course I could swear as she wanted me to. And fifty of +the best. Good Lord, what a temptation! +</P> + +<P> +But I'll tell you straight that I got the fifty, and never swore +nothing at all. The party was a job put up by Lady Crossborough. The +man I drove was Mr. Jermyn, of the Hicks Theatre, and the world and the +newspapers laughed so loud at his lordship, who never convinced anybody +he hadn't done it, that he went off to India in a hurry, and never came +back for twelve months. Which proves to me that honesty is the best +policy, as I shall always declare. +</P> + +<P> +And one thing more—where did Mr. Jermyn get out of my car? Why, just +as I slowed up for the corner by the church at Barnet—not a hundred +yards from where the constable stopped me. A clever actor—why, yes, +he is that. +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="ch1fn1"></A> +<A NAME="ch1fn2"></A> + +<P CLASS="footnote"> +[<A HREF="#ch1fn1text">1</A>] The Editor has left Mr. Britten to speak for himself in his own +manner when that seems characteristic of his employment. +</P> + +<P CLASS="footnote"> +[<A HREF="#ch1fn2text">2</A>]] Mr. Britten's spelling of Quat'z-Arts is eccentric. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap02"></A> + +<H4 ALIGN="center"> +II +</H4> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE SILVER WEDDING +</H3> + +<P> +Yes, I shall never forget "Benny," and I shall never forget his +beautiful red hair. Gentlemen, I have driven for many ... and the +other sort, but "Benny" was neither the one nor the other—not a man, +but a tribe ... not a Jew nor yet a Christian, but just something you +meet every day and all days—a big, blundering heap of good-nature, +which quarrels with one half the world and takes Bass's beer with the +other. That was Benjamin Colmacher—"Benny" for short—that was the +master I want to tell you about. +</P> + +<P> +I was out of a job at the time, and had picked up an endorsement at +Hayward's Heath and left a matter of six pounds there for the justices +to get busy with. Time is money, they say, and I have found it to be +so ... generally five pounds and costs, though more if you take a +quantity. It isn't easy for a good man with a road mechanic's +knowledge and five years' experience, racing and otherwise, to place +himself nowadays, when any groom can get made a slap-bang "shuffer" for +five pounds at a murder-shop, and any old coachman is young enough to +put his guv'nor in the ditch. My knowledge and my experience had gone +begging for exactly three months when I heard of Benny, and hurried +round to his flat off Russell Square, "just the chap for you," they +said at the garage. I thought so, too, when I saw him. +</P> + +<P> +It was a fine flat, upon my word, and filled up with enough fal-de-lals +to please a duchess from the Gaiety. Benny himself, his red hair +combed flat on his head and oiled like a missing commutator, wore a +Japanese silk dressing-gown which would have fired a steam car. His +breakfast, I observed, consisted of one brandy-and-soda and a bunch of +grapes; but the cigar he offered me was as long as a policeman's boot, +and the fellow to it stuck out of a mouth as full of fine white teeth +as a pod of peas. +</P> + +<P> +"Good-morning," says he, nodding affably enough; and then, "You are +Lionel Britten, I suppose?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," says I—for no road mechanic who respects himself is going to +"sir" such as Benny Colmacher to begin with—"that's my name, though my +friends call me Lal for short. You're wanting a driver, I hear." +</P> + +<P> +He sat himself in a great armchair and looked me up and down as a vet +looks at a horse. +</P> + +<P> +"I do want a driver," says he, "though how you got to know it, the Lord +knows." +</P> + +<P> +"Why," says I, "that's funny, isn't it? We're both wanting the same +thing, for I can see you're just the gentleman I would like to take on +with." +</P> + +<P> +He smiled at this, and seemed to be thinking about it. Presently he +asked a plain question. I answered him as shortly. +</P> + +<P> +"Where did you hear of me?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"At Blundell's garage," I answered. +</P> + +<P> +"And I was buying a car?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, a fifty-seven Daimler ... that was the talk." +</P> + +<P> +"Could you drive a car like that?" +</P> + +<P> +"Could I—oh, my godfathers——" +</P> + +<P> +"Then you have handled fast cars?" +</P> + +<P> +"I drove with Fournier in the Paris-Bordeaux, was through the Florio +for the Fiat people, and have driven the big Delahaye just upon a +hundred and three miles an hour. Read my papers, sir ... they'll show +you what I've done." +</P> + +<P> +I put a bundle into his hand, and he read a few words of them. When +next he looked at me, there was something in his eyes which surprised +me considerably. Some would have called it cunning, some curiosity; I +didn't know what to make of it. +</P> + +<P> +"Why would you like to drive for me?" he asked presently. +</P> + +<P> +"Because," said I, quickly enough, "it's plain that you're a gentleman +anybody would like to drive for." +</P> + +<P> +"But you don't know anything at all about me." +</P> + +<P> +"That's just it, sir. The nicest people are those we don't know +anything at all about." +</P> + +<P> +He laughed loudly at this, and helped himself to the brandy-and-soda, +but didn't drink over-much of it. I could see that he was much +relieved, and he spoke afterwards with more freedom. +</P> + +<P> +"You're one that knows how to hold his tongue?" he suggested. I +rejoined that, so far as tongues went, I had mine in a four-inch vice. +</P> + +<P> +"Especially where the ladies are concerned?" +</P> + +<P> +"I'd sooner talk to them than about them, sir." +</P> + +<P> +"That's right, that's right. Don't take the maid when you can get the +mistress, eh?" +</P> + +<P> +"Take 'em both for choice, that's my motto." +</P> + +<P> +"You're not married, Britten?" +</P> + +<P> +"No such misfortune has overtaken me, sir." +</P> + +<P> +"Ha!"—here he leered just like an actor at the Vic—"and you don't +mind driving at night?" +</P> + +<P> +"I much prefer it, sir." +</P> + +<P> +He leered again, and seemed mightily pleased. A few more questions put +and answered found me with that job right enough ... and a right good +job, too, as things are nowadays. I was to have four pounds a week and +liveries. Such a mug as "Benny" Colmacher would not be the man to ask +about tyres and petrol, and if he did, I knew how to fill up his tanks +for him. Be sure I went away on my top speed and ate a better lunch +than had come my way for six months or more. Who the man was, or what +he was, I didn't care a dump. I had got the job, and to-morrow I would +get up in the driver's seat of a car again. You can't wonder I was +pleased. +</P> + +<P> +I slept well that night, and was round at Benny's early on the +following morning. If I had been surprised at my good luck yesterday, +surprise was no word for what I felt when the valet opened the door to +me and told me that Mr. Colmacher was in the country and wouldn't be +back for a month. Not a word had been said about this, mind you—not a +hint at it; and yet the stiff and starched gentleman could tell me the +news just as coolly as though he had said, "My master has gone across +the street to see a friend." When I asked him if there was no message +for me, he answered simply, "None." +</P> + +<P> +"He didn't give no instructions about the car?" +</P> + +<P> +"The car is at the yard being repaired." +</P> + +<P> +"But I was engaged to drive her——" +</P> + +<P> +"You will drive Mr. Colmacher when he returns." +</P> + +<P> +"And my wages——?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, those will be paid. This is a place where they know what is due +to us." +</P> + +<P> +"And I am to do nothing meanwhile?" +</P> + +<P> +"If you have nothing to do, by all means." +</P> + +<P> +It was an odd thing to hear, to be sure, and you can well understand my +hesitation as I stood there on the landing and watched that stiff and +starched valet, who might have just come out of a tailor's shop. +Gentlemen are not usually reserved between themselves, but this fellow +beat me altogether, and I liked him but little. Such a +"don't-touch-me-or-I-shall-vanish" manner you don't come across often +even in Park Lane, and I soon saw that whatever else happened, Joseph, +the valet, as they called him, and Lal Britten, the "shuffer," were +never going to the North Pole together. +</P> + +<P> +"If it's doing nothing," said I at last, "Mr. Colmacher won't have +cause to complain of his driver. Am I to call again, or will he send +for me?" +</P> + +<P> +"He will send for you, unless you like to see Mr. Walter in the +meantime?" +</P> + +<P> +I looked up at this. There had been no "Mr. Walter" in the business +before. +</P> + +<P> +"Mr. Walter—and who may Mr. Walter be?" +</P> + +<P> +"He is Mr. Colmacher's son." +</P> + +<P> +"Then I will see him just as soon as you like." +</P> + +<P> +He nodded his head and invited me in. Presently I found myself in a +fine bedroom on the far side of the flat, and what was my astonishment +to discover Mr. Walter himself in bed with a big cut across his +forehead and his right arm in a sling. He was a lean, pale youth, but +with as cadaverous a face as I have ever looked upon; and when he spoke +his voice appeared to come from the back of his head. +</P> + +<P> +"You are the new driver my father has engaged?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, sir, I am the same." +</P> + +<P> +"I hope you understand powerful cars. Did my father tell you that ours +is a steam car?" +</P> + +<P> +"He talked about a fifty-seven Daimler, sir." +</P> + +<P> +"But you have had experience with steam cars——" +</P> + +<P> +"How did you know that, sir?" +</P> + +<P> +He smiled softly. +</P> + +<P> +"We have made inquiries—naturally, we should do so." +</P> + +<P> +"Then you have not been misinformed. I drove a thirty-horse White +three months last year." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, the same car that we drive. Unfortunately, I cannot help my +father just now, for I have met with an accident—in the hunting field." +</P> + +<P> +I jibbed at this. Motor-men don't know much about the hunting field, +as a rule, but I wasn't such a ninny that I supposed men hunted in July. +</P> + +<P> +"Hunting, did you say, sir?" +</P> + +<P> +"That is, trying a horse for the hunting season. Well, you may go now. +Leave your address with Joseph. My father will send for you when he +returns, and meanwhile you are at liberty." +</P> + +<P> +I thanked him and went off. Oddly enough, this fellow pleased me no +more than the valet. His smile was ugly, his scowl uglier +still—especially when I made that remark about the hunting field. +"Better have held your tongue, Lal, my boy," said I to myself; and +resolving to hold it for the future, I went to my own diggings and +heard no more of the Colmachers, father or son, for exactly twenty-one +days. The morning of the twenty-second found me at the flat again. +"Benny" Colmacher had returned, and remembered that he had paid me +three weeks' wages. +</P> + +<P> +Now this was the middle of the month of August, and "Benny" certainly +was dressed for country wear. A dot-and-go-one suit of dittoes went +for best, so to speak, with his curly red hair, and got the better of +it by a long way. He had a white rose in his button-hole, and his +manner was as smooth as Vacuum B from a nice clean can. He had just +breakfasted off his usual brandy-and-soda and dry toast when I came in; +and the big cigar did sentry-go across his mouth all the time he talked +to me. +</P> + +<P> +"Come in, come in, Britten," he cried pompously, when I appeared. "You +like your place, I hope—you don't find the work too hard?" +</P> + +<P> +"That's so—sir—a very nice sort of place this for a delicate young +man like myself." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, but we are going to be a little busier. Has Mr. Walter shown you +the car?" +</P> + +<P> +"No, sir, not yet. I hear she is a White steamer, though." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, yes; I like steam cars; they don't shake me up. When a man +weighs fifteen stun, he doesn't like to be shaken up, Britten—not good +for his digestion, eh? Well, you go down to the Bedford Mews, No. 23B, +and tell me if you can get the thing going by ten o'clock to-morrow—as +far as Watford, Britten. That's the place, Watford. I've something on +down there—something very important. Upon my soul, I don't know why I +shouldn't tell you. It's about a lady, Britten—ha, ha!—about a lady." +</P> + +<P> +Well, he grinned all over his face just like the laughing gorilla at +the Zoo, and went on grinning for a matter of two minutes or more. +Such a laugh caught you whether you would or no; and while I didn't +care two-pence about his business, and less about the lady, yet here I +was laughing as loudly as he, and seemingly just as pleased. +</P> + +<P> +"Is it a young lady?" I ventured to ask presently. But he stopped +laughing at that, and looked mighty serious. +</P> + +<P> +"You mustn't question me, my lad," he said, a bit proudly. "I like my +servants to be in my confidence, but they must not beg it. We are +going down to Watford—that is enough for you. Get the car ready as +soon as possible, and let me know at once if there is anything the +matter with her." +</P> + +<P> +I promised to do so, and went round to the mews immediately. "Benny" +seemed to me just a good-natured lovesick old fool, who had got hold of +some new girl in the country and was going off to spoon her. The car I +found to be one of the latest forty White's in tip-top trim. She +steamed at once, and when I had put a new heater in, there was nothing +more to be done to her, except to wash her down, a thing no +self-respecting mechanic will ever do if he can get another to take the +job on for him. So I hired a loafer who was hanging about the mews, +and set him to the work while I read the papers and smoked a cigarette. +</P> + +<P> +He was a playful little cuss to be sure, one of those "ne'er-grow-ups" +you meet about stables, and ready enough to gossip when I gave him the +chance. +</P> + +<P> +"He's a wonder, is Colmacher," he remarked as he splashed and hissed +about the wheels. "Takes his car out half a dozen times in as many +hours, and then never rides in her for three months. You would be +engaged in place of Mr. Walter, I suppose. They say he's gone to +America, though I don't rightly know whether that's true or not." +</P> + +<P> +I answered him without looking up from my paper. +</P> + +<P> +"Who says he's in America?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, the servants say it. Ellen the housemaid and me—but that ain't +for the newspapers. So Mr. Walter's home, is he? Well, he do walk +about, to be sure, and him not left for New York ten days ago." +</P> + +<P> +"You seem to be angry about it, my boy." +</P> + +<P> +"Well no, it ain't nothing to me, to be sure, though I must say as +Benny's one after my own heart. The girls he do know, and mostly after +'em when the sun's gone down. Would it be the young lady at Bristol +this time, or another? He wus took right bad down in Wiltshire larst +time I heard of 'im, but perhaps he's cured hisself drinking of the +waters. Anyway, it ain't nothing to me, for I'm off to Margate +to-morrow." +</P> + +<P> +He waited for me to speak, but seeing that I was bent on reading my +paper, made no further remark until his job was done. When next I saw +him it was at eleven o'clock on the following day, just as I was +driving the car round to "Benny's" to take the old boy down to Watford +as he wished. Jumping on the step, the lad put a funny question: +</P> + +<P> +"You're a good sort," he said. "Will you forward this bit of a +telegram to me from any place you chance to stop at to-night?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, what's up now?" I asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Nothing much, but my old uncle won't let me go, and I want to take +Ellen to Margate for the day. This telegram says mother's ill and +wants me. Will you send it through and put in the name of the place +where you stop to-night?" +</P> + +<P> +I said that I would, and sticking the sixpence inside my glove and the +form into my pocket, I thought no more about it, and drove straight +away to Benny's. The old boy was dressed fit to marry the whole Gaiety +ballet, white frock suit, white hat, and a rose as big as a full-blown +tomato in his button-hole. To the valet he gave his directions in a +voice that could have been heard half down the street. He was going to +Watford, and would return in a week. +</P> + +<P> +"Mind," he cried, "I'm staying at the King's Arms, and you can send my +letters down there." Then he waved his hand to me, and we set off. +The road to Watford via Edgware is traps from end to end, and, well as +the White was going, I did not dare to let her out. It was just after +half-past eleven when we left town, and about a quarter to one when we +dropped down the hill into Watford town. Here "Benny" leant over and +spoke to me. +</P> + +<P> +"Shan't lunch here," he cried, as though the idea had come to him +suddenly; "get on to St. Albans or to Hatfield if you like. The Red +Lion will do me—drive on there and don't hurry." +</P> + +<P> +I made no answer, but drove quietly through the town, and so by the old +high road to St. Albans and thence to Hatfield. Truth to tell, the car +interested me far more than old Benny or his plans. She was steaming +beautifully, and I had six hundred pounds' pressure all the time. +While that was so I didn't care the turn of a nut whether old Benny +lunched at Watford or at Edinburgh, and as for his adventure with the +girl—well, you couldn't expect me to go talking about another man's +good luck. In fact, I had forgotten all about it long before we were +at Hatfield, and when we had lunched and the old chap suddenly +remembered that he would like to spend the night at Newmarket, I was +not so surprised—for this is the motorist's habit all the world over, +and there's the wonder of the motor-car, that, whether you wish to +sleep where you are or a hundred miles distant, she'll do the business +for you and make no complaint about it. +</P> + +<P> +Perhaps you will say that I ought to have been surprised, ought to have +guessed that this man was up to no good and turned back to the nearest +police station. It's easy to be a prophet after the event; and between +what a man ought to do and what he does do on any given occasion, there +is often a pretty considerable margin when it comes to the facts. I +drove Benny willingly, not thinking anything at all about the matter. +When he stopped in the town of Royston and said he would take a cup of +tea with a cork to it, I thought it just the sort of thing such a man +would do. And I was ready myself for a cigarette and a stroll +round—for sitting all that time in the car makes a man's legs stiff, +and no mistake about it. But I wasn't away more than ten minutes, and +when I got back to the hotel "Benny" was already fuming at the door. +</P> + +<P> +"Where have you been to?" he asked in a voice unlike his own—the voice +of a man who knows "what's what" and will see that he gets it. "Why +weren't you with the car?" +</P> + +<P> +"Been to the telegraph office," said I quietly, for no bluster is going +to unship me—not much. +</P> + +<P> +"Telegraph office!" and here his face went white as a sheet, "what the +devil did you go there for?" +</P> + +<P> +"What people usually go for, sir—to send a telegram." +</P> + +<P> +We looked each other full in the face for a moment, and I could see he +was sorry he had spoken. +</P> + +<P> +"I suppose you wanted to let your friends know," he put it to me. I +said it was just that—for such was the shortest way out of it. +</P> + +<P> +"Then get the car out at once and keep to the Newmarket Road. I shall +sleep at the Randolph Arms to-night." +</P> + +<P> +I made no answer and we got away again. But, for all that, I thought a +lot, and all the time the White was flying along that fine bit of road, +I was asking myself why Benny turned pale when he heard I had sent a +telegram. Was this business with the girl, then, something which might +bring trouble on us both? Was he the man he represented himself to be? +Those were the questions I could not answer, and they were still in my +head when we reached the village of Whittlesford and Benny suddenly +ordered me to stop. +</P> + +<P> +"This looks a likely inn," he said, pointing to a pretty little house +on the right-hand side of the road; "I think we might stop the night +here, lad. They'll give us a good bed and a good glass of whisky, +anyway, and what does a man want more? Run the car into the yard and +wait while I talk to them. You won't die if we don't get to Newmarket +to-night, I suppose?" +</P> + +<P> +I said that it was all one to me, and put the car into the yard. The +inn was a beauty, and I liked the look of it. Perhaps Benny's new +manner disarmed me; he was as mild as milk just then, and as affable as +a commercial with a sample in his bag. When he appeared again he had +the landlord with him, and he told me he was going to stop. +</P> + +<P> +"Get a good dinner into you, lad, and then come and talk to me," he +said, putting a great paw on my shoulder, and leering apishly. "We +mayn't go to bed to-night, after all, for, to tell you the truth, I +don't like the colour of their sheets. You wouldn't mind sitting up, I +daresay, not supposing—well, that there was a ten-pound note hanging +to it?" +</P> + +<P> +I opened my eyes at this. +</P> + +<P> +"A ten-pound note, sir?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, for robbing you of your bed. Didn't you tell me you were a +wonder at night driving. Well, I want to see what stuff you're made +of." +</P> + +<P> +I did not answer him, and, after talking a lot about my cleverness and +the way the car had run, he went in and had his dinner. What to make +of him or his proposal I knew no more than the dead. Certainly he had +done nothing which gave me any title to judge him, and a man with a job +to serve isn't over-ready to be nice about his masters, whatever their +doings. I came to the conclusion that he was just a dotty old boy who +had gone crazy over some girl, and that he was driving out by night to +see her. All the talk about Watford and his letters was so much +jibarree and not meant for home consumption; but, in any case, it was +no affair of mine, nor could I be held responsible for what he did or +what he left undone. +</P> + +<P> +This was the wisest view to take, and it helped me out afterwards. He +made a good dinner, they told me, and drank a fine bottle of port, kept +in the cellars of the house from the old days when gentlemen drove +themselves to Newmarket, and didn't spare the liquor by the way. It +was half-past ten when I saw him again, and then he had one of the +roly-poly cigars in his mouth and the ten-pound note in his hand. +</P> + +<P> +"Britten," he said quite plain, "you know why I've come down here?" +</P> + +<P> +"I think so, sir." +</P> + +<P> +"<I>Chercher les femmes</I>, as they say in Boolong—I'm down here to meet +the girl I'm going to marry." +</P> + +<P> +"Hope you'll find her well, sir." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, that's just it. I shan't find her well if her old father can help +it. Damn him, he's nearly killed her with his oaths and swearing these +last two months. But it's going to stop, Britten, and stop to-night. +She's waiting for this car over at Fawley Hill, which isn't half a mile +from this very door." +</P> + +<P> +He came a step nearer and thrust the ten-pound note under my very nose. +"It's Lord Hailsham's place—straight up the hill to the right and on +to the high road from Bishop's Stortford. There's a party for a silver +wedding, and Miss Davenport is staying there with her father and +mother. Bring her to this house and I'll give you fifty pounds. +There's ten as earnest money. She's over age and can do what she +likes—and it's no responsibility of yours, anyway." +</P> + +<P> +I took the note in my hand and put a question. +</P> + +<P> +"Do I drive to the front door—I'm thinking not?" +</P> + +<P> +"You drive to the edge of the spinney which you'll find directly you +turn the corner. Wait there until Miss Davenport comes. Then drive +her straight here and your money is earned. I'll answer for the rest +and she shall answer for herself." +</P> + +<P> +I nodded my head, and, folding up the note, I put it in my pocket. The +night was clear when I drove away from the inn, but there was some mist +in the fields and a goodish bit about the spinney they had pointed out +to me. A child could have found the road, however, for it was just the +highway to Newmarket; and when I had cruised along it a couple of +hundred yards, to the very gates of Lord Hailsham's house, I turned +about and stood off at the spinney's edge, perhaps three hundred yards +away. Then I just lighted a cigarette and waited, as I had been told +to do. +</P> + +<P> +It was a funny job, upon my word. Sometimes I laughed when I thought +about it; sometimes I had a bit of a shiver down my back, the sort of +thing which comes to a man who's engaged in a rum affair, and may not +come well out of it. As for the party Lord Hailsham was giving, there +could be no doubt about that. I had seen the whole house lighted up +from attic to kitchen, and some of the lights were still glistening +between the pollards in the spinny; while the stables themselves seemed +alive with coachmen, carriages, and motor-cars. The road itself was +the only secluded spot you could have pointed out for the third of a +mile about—but that was without a living thing upon it, and nothing +but a postman's cart passed me for an hour or more. +</P> + +<P> +I should have told you that I had turned the car and that she now stood +with her headlights towards home. The mists made the night very cold, +and I was glad to wrap myself up in one of the guvnor's rugs and smoke +a packet of cigarettes while I waited. From time to time I could hear +the music of fiddles, and they came with an odd echo, just as though +some merry tune of long ago chided me for being there all alone. When +they ceased I must have dropped asleep, for the next thing I knew was +that some one was busy about the car and that my head-lamps had both +gone out. Be sure I jumped up like a shot at this, and "Hallo," cried +I, "what the devil do you think you are doing?" Then I saw my mistake. +The new-comer was a girl, one of the maids of the house, it appeared, +and she was stowing luggage into the car. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," says I, "then Miss Davenport is coming, is she?" +</P> + +<P> +The girl went on with her work, hardly looking at me. When she did +speak I thought her voice sounded very odd; and instead of answering me +she asked a question: +</P> + +<P> +"Do you know the road to Colchester?" +</P> + +<P> +"To Colchester?" +</P> + +<P> +"You take the first to the left when we leave here—then go right ahead +until I tell you to stop. Understand, whatever happens you are to get +ahead as fast as you can. The rest is with——" +</P> + +<P> +He came to an abrupt halt, and no wonder. If you had given me ten +thousand pounds to have kept my tongue still, I would have lost the +money that instant. For who do you think the maid was? Why, no other +than the starchy valet, Joseph, I had seen at Mr. Colmacher's flat. +</P> + +<P> +"Up you get, my boy," he cried, throwing all disguise to the winds, +"Don't you hear that noise? They have discovered Miss Davenport is +going and the job's off. We'll tell Benny in the morning—the thing to +do to-night is to show them our heels and sharp about it." +</P> + +<P> +He bade me listen, and I heard the ringing of an alarm bell, the +barking of hounds, and then the sound of many voices. Some suspicion, +ay, more than that, a pretty shrewd guess at the truth was possible +then, and I would have laid any man ten pounds to nothing that "love" +was not much in this business, whatever the real nature of it might be. +For that matter, the fellow had hardly got the words out of his mouth +when the glitter of something bright he had dropped on the ground, +caused me to stoop and to pick up a gold watch bracelet set in +diamonds. The same instant I heard a man running on the road behind +me, and who should come up but the very "ne'er-do-well" who helped me +to wash down my car but yesterday morning. +</P> + +<P> +"Hold that man!" he cried, throwing himself at the valet. "He's +Marchant, the Yankee hotel robber—hold him in the King's name—I'm a +police officer, and I have a warrant." +</P> + +<P> +Now, this was something if you like, and I don't think any one is going +to wonder either at my surprise, or at the hesitation which overtook +me. To find myself, in this way, confronted by two men who had seemed +so different from what they were, and that not twenty-four hours ago; +to discover one of them disguised as a woman and the other saying he +was a police officer—well, do you blame me for standing there with my +mouth wide open, and my eyes staring with the surprise of it? Pity I +did so, all the same, for the "ne'er-do-well" was on the floor next +moment, and it didn't need a second look to tell me that it would be a +long time before he got up again. +</P> + +<P> +I shall never forget if I live a hundred years (which would be pretty +lucky for a man who thinks less than nothing of speed limits and is +known to all the justices in Sussex), I shall never forget the way that +valet turned on poor Kennaway (for that was the detective's name) and +laid him flat on the grass. Such a snarl of rage I never heard. The +man seemed transformed in an instant from a silent, reserved, taciturn +servant to a very maniac, fighting with teeth and claw, cursing and +swearing horribly, and as strong as a gorilla. +</P> + +<P> +Again and again he struck at his victim, the heavy blows sounding like +the thud of iron upon a carpet; and long before I got my wits back and +leaped to Kennaway's assistance, that poor fellow was insensible and +moaning upon the grass at the roadside. The next thing that I knew +about it was that I had a revolver as close to my forehead as a +revolver will ever be, and that the man Joseph was pushing me toward +the car, the while he said something to which I must listen if I would +save my life. +</P> + +<P> +"Get up, you fool," he cried. "Do you want me to treat you as I've +treated him? Get up, or by the Lord I'll blow your brains out!" +</P> + +<P> +Well, judge me for it how you will, but I obeyed him as any child. +What I had tried to do for poor Kennaway was shown by the cut across my +forehead, which I shall carry to my dying day. Such strength and such +temper I have never known in any man, and they frightened me beyond all +words to tell you. There are human beings and human animals, and this +fellow was of the latter sort. No raving maniac could have done worse +to any fellow creature; and when I got up to the driver's seat and +started the engine, my hands trembled so that I could hardly keep them +on the wheel. +</P> + +<P> +We jumped away, a roar of voices behind us and the alarm bell of the +house still ringing. What was in my head was chiefly this, that I was +going out upon the road with this madman for a companion, and that +sooner or later he would make an end of me. Judge of my position, +knowing, as I did, that a murderer sat in the tonneau behind, and that +he held a revolver at full cock in his hand. My God! it was an awful +journey, the most awful I shall ever make. +</P> + +<P> +He would kill me when it suited him to do it. I was as sure of it as +of my own existence. In one mile or twenty, here in the lanes of +Cambridgeshire, or over yonder when we drew near to the sea, this +madman would do the business. More fearful than any danger a man can +face was this peril at the back of me. I listened for a word or sound +from him; I tried to look behind me and see what he was doing. He +never made a movement, and for miles we roared along that silent road, +through the mists and the darkness to the unknown goal—a murderer and +his victim, as I surely believed myself to be. +</P> + +<P> +There is many a man who has the nerve for a sudden call, but few who +can stand a trial long sustained. All that I can tell you of what fear +is like, the fear of swift death, and of the pain and torture of it, +would convey nothing to you of my sensations during that mad drive. +Sometimes I could almost have wished that he would make an end of it +then and there, shooting me in mercy where I sat, and sparing me the +agony of uncertainty. But mile after mile we went without a sound from +him; and when, in sheer despair, I slowed down and asked him a +direction, he was on me like a tiger, and I must race again for very +life. Through Haverhill, thence to Sibil Ingham and Halstead—ay, +until the very spires of Colchester stood out in the dawn light, that +race went on. And I began to say that he might spare me after all, +that I was necessary to him, and that his destination was Harwich and +the morning steamer to Holland. Fool! it was then he fired at me, then +that the end came. +</P> + +<P> +I thought that I heard him move; some instinct—for there is an +instinct in these things, let others say what they please—caused me to +turn half about, and detect him standing in the tonneau. No time for +prudence then, no time for resolution or anything but that fear of +death which paralyses the limbs and seems to still the very heart. +With a cry that was awful to hear, he fired his pistol, and I heard the +report of it as thunder in my ear, the while the powder burned my face +as the touch of red-hot iron. But a second shot he never fired. A +sudden lurch, as I let go the wheel, sent the car bounding on to the +grass at the road-side, threw the murderer off his balance and hurled +him backwards. There was a tremendous crash, I found myself beneath +the tonneau, and then, as it seemed, on the top of it again. At last I +went rolling over and over on to the grass, and lay there, God knows +how long, in very awe and terror of all that had overtaken me. +</P> + +<P> +But the valet himself was stone dead, caught by the neck as the car +went over and crushed almost beyond recognition. And that was the +judgment upon him, as I shall believe to my life's end. +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +They never caught old "Benny," not for that job, at any rate. He +turned out to be the head of a swindling crew, known in America and +Paris as the "Red Poll" gang, because of his beautiful sandy hair. He +must have been wanted for fifty jobs in Europe, and as many on the +other side. As for his supposed son, Mr. Walter, and the valet +Marchant, they were but two of the company. And why they came to +engage me was because of a motor accident to the man Walter, which put +him out of the running when the burglary job at Lord Hailsham's was to +be undertaken. +</P> + +<P> +Kennaway, the detective, was three months in hospital after his little +lot. It was clever of him to make me post a telegram on the road, for, +directly he got it, he wired to the Chief Constable at Cambridge, and +came on himself by train. The local police furnished a list of all the +house-parties being held about Royston that week-end, and, of course, +as Lord Hailsham was celebrating his silver wedding, it didn't need +much wit to send Kennaway there; the valet, meanwhile, being already in +the house, disguised as a maid. +</P> + +<P> +We were to have had a bit of a silver wedding ourselves, it appears, +for I doubt not "Benny" would have led all the silver, to say nothing +of the gold and precious stones, to the altar as soon as possible. But +the best laid schemes of mice and men gang aft agley, as do motor-cars +when the man who's driving them has a pistol at his head. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap03"></A> + +<H4 ALIGN="center"> +III +</H4> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +IN ACCOUNT WITH DOLLY ST. JOHN +</H3> + +<P> +My old father used to say that "woman's looks were his only books and +folly was all they taught him," which shows, I suppose, that what he +knew about the sex he learned from a circulating library. +</P> + +<P> +Anyway, he never drove a motor-car, or he would have written in another +strain. Sometimes I pick up a piece in the newspapers about women and +then I laugh to myself, thinking how many mugs there are in the world +and how they were born for the other sex to make game of. Let 'em get +on the driver's seat and take madam round an afternoon or two. There +won't be much talk about gentle shepherdesses after that, I'll +wager—though if a crook or two don't get into the story I'm Dutchman. +</P> + +<P> +Well, you must know that this is about Dolly St. John—a little +American girl, who hired a car from the Empire Company when I was one +of its drivers, and had a pretty little game with us. I used to go for +her every afternoon to some hotel or the other, and always a different +one, she not being domesticated, so to speak, and never caring to +overstay her welcome. +</P> + +<P> +A daintier little body was never fitted upon a chassis. There are some +who like them fair, and some who like them dark—but Dolly St. John was +betwixt and between, neither the one nor the other, but a type that +gets there every time, and turns twenty heads when a policeman stops +you at a crossing. +</P> + +<P> +It's very natural that young women should like to talk to their +drivers; and, if the truth were told, some of them will tell us things +they would never speak of, no, not to their own husbands, if they've +got any. Dolly was one of these, and a more talkative little body +never existed. I knew her history the very first afternoon I took her +round; and by the third, I could have told you that she had met the +Hon. John Sarand, and meant to marry him, even if his old father, Lord +Badington, had to go on the halls in consequence. +</P> + +<P> +I had driven Dolly about three weeks, if I remember rightly, when our +people first began to get uneasy. It was all very well for her to talk +about her uncle, Nathaniel St. John, of New York City, who made a +hundred thousand dollars a day by blowing bubbles through a telephone; +but her bill for seventy-five sixteen and four remained unpaid, and +when Hook-Nosed Moss, our manager, asked her for it, all he got was a +cigarette out of a bon-bon box, and an intimation that if he came on a +similar errand again, she'd write to the papers about it. Had she not +been a born little actress, who could have earned twenty a week on any +stage in London, the man would have closed the deal on the spot, and +left it to the lawyers. But she just tickled him like a carburettor, +and he went home to say that the money was better than Consols, and the +firm making a fool of itself. +</P> + +<P> +I drove her for another week after this, chiefly to the theatre with +the Honorary John, and to supper afterwards. She had a wonderful mania +for shopping, and used to spend hours in Regent Street, while I read +the <I>Auto-Car</I> outside, and fell to asking myself how long it would +last. You don't deceive the man who drives the car—be sure of it. +Either she led the Honorary John to the financial altar, or her poor +uncle would be on the Rocky Mountains—I hadn't a doubt of it. +</P> + +<P> +I liked her, that goes without saying. A man's a fool who tells you +that a pretty woman's charm is less because her bankers are wondering +how they shall get the cheque-book back, and the tradesman round the +corner is blotting his ledger with tears. In a way I was in love with +Miss Dolly, and would have married her myself upon any provocation; but +before I could make up my mind to it either way, she'd gone like a +flash, and half the bill collectors in London after her. This I +learned during the week following the disappearance. She sent for me +one day to pick her up at Joran's Hotel, and when I got there, and the +hotel porter had handed out two rugs and a Pomeranian, down comes the +chambermaid to say madam had not returned since eleven o'clock. And +then I knew by some good instinct that the game was up—and, handing +the Pomeranian back, I said, "Be good to him, for he's an orphan." +</P> + +<P> +This was a surmise—a surmise and nothing more; and yet how true it +proved! I had a 'tec with me on the following afternoon, and a pretty +tale he had to tell. Not, mind you, as he himself declared, that Dolly +was really dishonest. She had left a few bills behind her; but where +is the woman who does not do that, and who would think the better of +her if she didn't? Dolly wasn't a thief by a long way—but her +shopping mania was wild enough to be written about, and she bought +thousands of pounds' worth of goods in London, just for the mere +pleasure of ordering them and nothing more. +</P> + +<P> +I often laugh when I think how she fooled the tradesmen in Bond Street +and the West End. Just imagine them bowing and scraping when she told +'em to send home a thousand-pound tiara, or a two-hundred-guinea white +fox, and promised they should be paid on delivery. Why, they strewed +her path with bows and smiles—and when they sent home the goods to a +flat by Regent's Park—an address she always gave—they found it empty +and no one there to take delivery. No more bows and smiles after that; +but what could they do, and what offence had she committed? That was +just what the 'tec asked me, and I could not answer. +</P> + +<P> +"We know most of 'em," he said, "but she's a right-down finger-print +from the backwoods. Nathaniel St. John cables from New York that he +doesn't know her, but will be pleased to make her acquaintance, if +we'll frank her over. I tell these people they can sue her—but, man, +you might as well sue the statue of Oliver Cromwell——" +</P> + +<P> +"He being stony-broke likewise," said I. "Well, she had a run for her +money, and here's good luck to her. I hope that I haven't seen her for +the last time." +</P> + +<P> +"If you have," says he, "put me in Madame Tussaud's. When next you +hear of Dolly St. John it will be in something big. Remember that when +the day comes." +</P> + +<P> +I told him I would not forget it, and we parted upon it. Dolly was a +pretty bit of goods for a tea-party, but a driver sees too many faces +to keep one over-long in his memory, and I will say straight out, that +I had forgotten her very name when next I saw her, and was just about +the most astonished man inside the four-mile radius when I picked her +up one fine afternoon at a West End hotel, and she told me we were +going to drive into the country together. +</P> + +<P> +"But," says I, "this car has been hired by Miss Phyllis More——" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, you stupid man!" cried she. "Don't you see that I am Miss Phyllis +More? I thought you were clever enough to understand that ladies +change their names sometimes, Britten. Now, why shouldn't I be Phyllis +More if I wish to? Are you going to be unkind enough to tell people +about it? I'm sure you are not, for you were so very good to me when +last I was in England." +</P> + +<P> +Now all this took place in her private room, to which I had been sent +up by the porter. Three months had passed since I drove Dolly and the +Honorary John, but not a whit had she changed; and I found her just the +same seductive little witch with the dimples and the curly brown hair, +who had played the deuce with the West End tradesmen last +Christmas-time. Beautifully dressed in green, with a pretty motor +veil, she was a picture I must say; and when I looked at her and +remembered Hook-Nosed Moss, our traffic manager at the Empire Company, +and how he docked me four and nine last Saturday, I swore I'd take her; +yes, if she ordered me to drive through to San Francisco. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't suppose I ought to do it, miss," I said, "unless your uncle in +New York has left you anything——" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," she burst out, laughing as she said it, "he's dead, Britten; +besides, I don't want any uncles now, for I shall marry Mr. Sarand +directly Lord Badington gives his consent—and that won't be long, for +we are going down to his house to-night to get it." +</P> + +<P> +I told her frankly that I was glad to hear it, and that I thought Mr. +Sarand a very lucky gentleman. What's more, I believed her story, and +I knew that if this marriage came off, there would not be much trouble +about my firm's seventy-five, and that half the tradesmen in London +would be running after Dolly again inside a week. So I made up my mind +to do it, and, sending a wire back to the yard, telling them that the +lady wanted the car for two or three days, and explaining to her that I +must buy myself some luggage as she went—for I do like a clean collar +of evenings—I was ready for Miss Phyllis More, and not at all +displeased with the venture. +</P> + +<P> +"She'd been hard put to it to keep going in London, while John did the +courting," said I to myself, "and that's what caused her to change her +name. If she doesn't catch him, we're another twenty-five down, and +Moss will have to turn Jew. Well, I can get plenty of jobs as good as +his, and there aren't many Dolly St. Johns in the world, all said and +done. I'll risk it, and take my gruelling afterwards. What's more, if +Mr. John's papa don't come up to the scratch, I'll put a word in for +myself. It would make a line in the newspapers anyway, and who knows +but what we mightn't both get engaged at the halls?" +</P> + +<P> +Of course, this was only my way of putting it; but I really was pleased +to be driving such a pretty girl again; and when her old cane trunk +came down, and we fixed it on to the grid behind, and half a dozen +hat-boxes littered up the back seats, I felt that old times had come +again, and that I was one of the luckiest drivers in the country. +</P> + +<P> +"How far are we going, miss?" I asked her when all was ready. +</P> + +<P> +"To Lord Badington's house—near Sandwich in Kent." +</P> + +<P> +"It's a longish run, and we shan't get there before dark." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," says she, "they don't expect me until quite late; indeed, I don't +think Lord Badington himself returns before the last train from town." +</P> + +<P> +I noticed that she laid a lot of stress upon the words, "Lord +Badington," for the benefit of the hotel porters, no doubt; but I +wasn't angry with her for that, remembering that she was a single +woman, and perhaps unprotected; and without any more words we set out +across Westminster Bridge, and were very soon picking our way down the +Old Kent Road. A couple of hours later we came to Maidstone, where we +had tea; it was a quarter past five precisely when we made a new start +for Canterbury, and a good hour and a half later when we entered that +musty old town. +</P> + +<P> +I shall never forget that journey, the country just showing the buds of +spring, the roads white and beautiful, the twenty Renault running as +smooth as a beautiful clock. Three months had passed since I had +driven Miss Dolly, and this was the month of May. Yet here she was, +just the same wicked little witch as ever, trotting round on a wild +errand, and about to come out best, I could swear. As for me, I had +the sack before me for a certainty; but little I cared for that. Who +would have done, with Dolly St. John for his passenger? +</P> + +<P> +We drove through Canterbury, I say, and set the car going her best on +the fair road after Sturry is passed. I know the country hereabouts +pretty well, being accustomed to visit fashionable watering-places from +time to time, and well acquainted with Ramsgate and Margate, to say +nothing of Deal and Dover. My road lay by Monkton, down toward Pegwell +Bay, and it was just at the entrance to Minster that Dolly made me stop +without much warning, and took me into her confidence for the first +time. +</P> + +<P> +"Britten," says she, "there is something I didn't tell you, but which I +think I ought to tell you now. I'm not asked to Lord Badington's house +at all." +</P> + +<P> +"Not asked," said I, with a mouth wide enough open to swallow a pint of +gear-box "B." "Then what's the good of going there, if you're not +invited?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," says she, more sweetly than ever, "I think they'll be glad to +have me if I do get inside, Britten; but we shall have to act our parts +very well." +</P> + +<P> +I laughed at this. +</P> + +<P> +"Seeing that neither of us is in the theatrical line, I don't suppose +that anybody is going to take me for Sir Beerbohm Tree, or you for the +Merry Widow," says I, "but, anyway, I'll do my best." +</P> + +<P> +This pleased her, and she looked at me out of her pretty eyes, just +sweet enough to make a man think himself a beauty. +</P> + +<P> +"You see, Britten," says she, "if the car broke down just outside Lord +Badington's house, perhaps they would give me shelter for the night; at +least, I hope they would, and if they would not, well, it doesn't +really matter, and we can go and stop at the hotel at Sandwich. It +would have to be a real breakdown, for Lord Badington keeps motor-cars +of his own, and his drivers would be sure to be clever at putting +anything right——" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," says I, quickly enough, "if they can get this car right when I +have done with it, I'll put up statues to 'em in the British Museum. +You say no more, miss. We'll break down right enough, and if you are +not breakfasting with his lordship to-morrow morning, don't blame me." +</P> + +<P> +She nodded her head; and I could swear the excitement of it set her +eyes on fire. Lord Badington's house, you must know, stands +overlooking Pegwell Bay, not very far from the golf links, while the +Ramsgate Road runs right before its doors. There is nothing but a bit +of an inn near by, and not a cottage in sight. I saw that the place +could not have been better chosen, and fifty yards from the big iron +gates I got off my seat and prepared for business. +</P> + +<P> +"You're really sure that you mean this, miss?" I asked her, knowing +what women are. "You won't change your mind afterwards, and blame me +because the car isn't going?" +</P> + +<P> +"How can you ask such a thing?" was her answer. "Doesn't my whole +future depend on our success, Britten?" +</P> + +<P> +"Then you won't have long to wait," I rejoined, and, opening the +bonnet, I set to work upon the magneto, and in twenty minutes had done +the job as surely as it could have been done by the makers themselves. +</P> + +<P> +"If this car is going on to-night," said I, "some one will have to push +it. Now will you please tell me what is the next move, miss, for I'm +beginning to think I should like my supper?" +</P> + +<P> +She was down on the road herself by this time, and pretty enough she +looked in her motor veil, and the beautiful sables which Mr. Sarand had +given her last winter. When she told me to go on to the house, and to +say that a lady's motor-car had broken down at the gates, I would have +laid twenty to one on the success of her scheme, always provided that +we weren't left to the menials who bark incivilities at a nobleman's +door. Here luck stood by Miss Dolly, for hardly had I pulled the great +bell at Lord Badington's gate when his own car came flying up the +drive, with his lordship himself sitting in the back of it. +</P> + +<P> +"What do you want, my man?" he asked, in a quick, sharp tone—he's a +wonder for fifty-two, and there has been no smarter man in the Guards +since he left them. "Where do you come from?" +</P> + +<P> +"Begging your pardon, sir," said I, for I didn't want to pretend that I +knew him for a lord, "but my mistress's car has come by a bit of +trouble, and she sent me to ask if any one could help her." +</P> + +<P> +"What, you're broken down——" +</P> + +<P> +"It's just that, sir; magneto gone absolutely wrong. I shall have to +be towed if I go any further to-night." +</P> + +<P> +He stood on the steps beside me, and seemed to hesitate an instant. A +word and he would have told his own chauffeur to drive us on to +Sandwich; but it was never spoken, and I'll tell you why. Miss Dolly +herself had followed me up the drive, and she arrived upon the scene at +that very instant. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I am so sorry to trouble you," she cried in her sweetest voice, +"but my car's gone all wrong, and I'm so tired and hungry, I don't know +what to do. Will you let me rest here just a little while?" +</P> + +<P> +Talk about actresses; there isn't one of 'em in the West End would have +done half so well. There she was, looking the picture of distress, and +there was his lordship, twisting his moustache, and eyeing her as one +who was at his wits' end to know what to do. If he didn't take long to +come to a resolution, put it down to Dolly's blue eyes—he couldn't see +the colour of them at that time of night, but he could feel them, I'll +be bound; and, jumping, as it were, to a conclusion he turned to his +man and gave him an order. +</P> + +<P> +"This lady will stay here to-night," he said. "Go and help her driver +to get the car in, and see that he is looked after," and without +another word he waited for Miss Dolly to enter the house. Believe me, +I never thought Mr. John's stock stood higher—and "Britten, my boy," +says I to myself, "if this isn't worth a cool fifty when the right time +comes, don't you never drive a pretty girl no more." +</P> + +<P> +I had a rare lark that night, partly with Biggs, his lordship's +chauffeur, and partly with a motor expert who came along on a bicycle, +and said he'd have my Renault going in twenty minutes. I'm not one +that can stand a billet in servants' quarters, and I chose rather to +put up at the little inn down by the bay and take my luck there. It +was here that Biggs came after supper, and he and the motor expert got +going on my high-tension magneto. +</P> + +<P> +Bless the pair of them, they might have been a month there, and no +better off—for, you must know that I had taken out the armature, and +if you take out an armature and don't slip a bit of soft iron in after +it, your magnets are done for, and will never be worth anything again +until they are re-magnetised. This baffled the pair of them, and they +were there until after eleven o'clock, drinking enough beer to float a +barge, and confessing that it was a mystery. +</P> + +<P> +"Never see such a thing in ten years' experience," said the motor +expert. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm blowed if I don't think the devil has got inside the magneto," +said Biggs; and there I agreed with him. For wasn't it Miss Dolly who +had done it, and isn't she—but there, that wouldn't be polite to the +sex, so I won't write it down. +</P> + +<P> +I learned from Biggs that Lord Badington's daughter and stepson were +staying in the house with him, and a couple of old gentlemen, who, when +they weren't making laws at Westminster, were making fools of +themselves on the links at Sandwich. It was a golfing party, in fact, +and next morning early, Biggs took them on to Prince's—and, will you +believe me?—the car came back for the ladies by-and-by, and off went +Miss Dolly, as calmly as though she had known them all her life. Not a +word to me, not a word about going on, or getting the car ready, but +just a nod and a laugh as she went by, and a something in her eyes +which seemed to say, "Britten, I'm doing famously, and I haven't +forgotten you." +</P> + +<P> +The same afternoon about tea-time she sent for me, and had a word with +me in the hall. I learned then that she had promised to stop until the +following morning, and she asked, in a voice which nobody could +mistake, if the car would be ready. When I told her that I was waiting +for a new magneto from London I thought she would kiss me on the spot. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Britten," she said in a whisper, "suppose we couldn't get on for +three or four days." +</P> + +<P> +"In that case," said I, "I should consider that we were really +unfortunate, miss, but I'll do my best." +</P> + +<P> +"Are you comfortable at the inn, Britten?" +</P> + +<P> +"Putting on flesh rapidly, miss. I never knew there were so many red +herrings in the world." +</P> + +<P> +"And your room?" +</P> + +<P> +"They built it when they thought the King was coming to Sandwich." +</P> + +<P> +She laughed and looked at me, and, just as I was leaving, she +whispered, "Do make it three or four days, Britten," and I promised her +with a glance she could not mistake. And why not? What was against +us? Was it not all plain sailing? Truly so, but for one little fact. +I'll tell you in a word—Hook-Nosed Moss and the old bill he carried +about like a love-letter—a bill against Dolly St. John for +seventy-five pounds sixteen shillings and fourpence. +</P> + +<P> +Well, Moss came down from town suddenly on the second afternoon, and +while he carried a new magneto under his arm, the bill was in his +pocket right enough. I was standing at the inn door as he drove up in +a fly, and when I recognised the face, you might have knocked me down +with a cotton umbrella. Not, mind you, that I lost my presence of +mind, or said anything foolish, but just that I felt sorry enough for +Dolly St. John to risk all I'd got in the world to save her from this +land shark. That Moss had found her out, I did not doubt for an +instant, and his first words told me I was right. +</P> + +<P> +"Do you know who you've been trotting about the country?" he asked, as +he stepped down. I replied that I did not, but that I believed the +lady to be a relative of Lord Badington's. Then he was fair angry. +</P> + +<P> +"Lord Badington be d——d," he said, speaking through his nose as he +always did, "her dabe's Dolly Sid John, and she's the sabe who did us +id de winter. I wonder you were such a precious fool as not to +recognise her. Do you mean to dell me you didn't dow her?" +</P> + +<P> +"What!" I cried, opening my eyes wide, "she Dolly St. John! Well, you +do surprise me; and she gone to Dover this very afternoon—leastwise, +if it isn't to Dover, it's to Folkestone—but Biggs would tell us. Are +you quite sure about it, sir?" +</P> + +<P> +He swore he was sure, and went on to tell me that if I hadn't been the +greatest chump in Europe I would have known it from the start. +</P> + +<P> +"Where are your eyes?" he kept asking me; "do you mean to say you can +drive a woman for ted days in London and not dow her again three months +afterwards? A fine sort of chap you are. You deserve a statue in the +Fools' Museum, upod my word you do. Now take me to the car, and let's +see what's the matter. I'll have more to say to you whed we're in +London, you mark that, my man." +</P> + +<P> +I didn't give him any cheek, much as I would have liked to. My game +was to protect Miss Dolly as far as I was able, and to hold my tongue +for her sake. +</P> + +<P> +Clearly her position was perilous. If this dun of a Jew went up to the +house, and told them her name was not More, but St. John, the fat would +be in the fire with a vengeance, and her chance of marrying John Sarand +about equal to mine of mating with the crowned heads of Europe. What +to do I knew no more than the dead. I had no messenger to send up to +the house; I dare not leave Moss to get talking to the people of the +inn; and there I was, helping him to fit and time the new magneto, and +just feeling I'd pay ten pounds for the privilege of knocking him down +with his own spanner. +</P> + +<P> +We finished the job in about half an hour, and the Renault started up +at once. Moss hadn't spoken of Miss Dolly while we were at work; but +directly the engine started he remembered his business, and turned on +me like a fury. +</P> + +<P> +"Whed did you say she started off?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"About two this afternoon, I think." +</P> + +<P> +"In whose car?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, his lordship's, of course." +</P> + +<P> +"She seems pretty thick with the dobility. Perhaps I'd better give her +a chadce of paying?" +</P> + +<P> +I smiled. +</P> + +<P> +"There's boats to France at Dover," said I. "What if she's going over +by the night mail?" +</P> + +<P> +He looked at me most shrewdly. +</P> + +<P> +"I can't make you out, Britten," says he; "either you are the greatest +fool or the greatest rogue id my ebployment. Subtimes you seeb clever +enough, too. Suppose we rud the car over to Dover and see what's doing +there." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said I, "and you can telephone to the pier at Folkestone to have +her stopped if she's sailing from there." +</P> + +<P> +He snapped his fingers and smiled all over his face. +</P> + +<P> +"That's it!" he cried. "If she's leaving the coudtry I'll arrest her. +I wish you'd been half as sharp when you picked her up id London." +</P> + +<P> +"It's these motor veils," said I. "You can't expect a man to see +through three thicknesses of shuffon—now can you, Mr. Moss?" +</P> + +<P> +It was a lucky shot, and, upon my word, I really do believe that I +began to wheedle him, Whether I did, or whether I did not, we had the +car upon the road in ten minutes, and were off for Dover before a +quarter of an hour had passed. Previous to that I had slipped into the +inn on the pretence of leaving my coat, and had left a letter for Miss +Dolly to be taken up by Biggs, when he came there to meet me for our +evening walk. "Moss is here," I wrote, "look out for yourself." +</P> + +<P> +I laugh now when I think of that journey to Dover, and old Shekels Moss +sitting like a hawk on the seat beside me. What lies I had to tell +him—what starts I gave him, when I pointed out that she might have +gone by the afternoon boat, or perhaps motored right on to Southampton. +My own idea was to stop the night at Dover, whatever happened, and no +sooner had we drawn up at the "Lord Warden," than I had a penknife into +the off front tyre, and turned my back when the wind fizzed out. This +stopped the run to Folkestone straight away, and, by the time I'd done +the job, Moss said he thought he would telephone the police, as I +suggested, describing Miss Dolly, but saying nothing about his lordship. +</P> + +<P> +"He might do pusiness with us, Britten," he remarked. "I won't have +his dabe in it—but I'll tell him about her directly I get the chadce, +and she won't be long in his house, dow will she?" +</P> + +<P> +"Perhaps not," said I; "but if she marries his lordship's son, the boot +will be on the other leg. You'd better think of that, Mr. Moss." +</P> + +<P> +"What I want is my modey," he rejoined. "If she don't pay, she goes to +prison—I dow too much about the peerage to be stuffed with promises. +Either the modey or the writ. I'll feed here, Britten, and go back to +Sadwich, if she's not on the boats. Perhaps we were a couple of fools +to come at all." +</P> + +<P> +I said nothing, but was pretty sure that one fool had come along in the +car, anyway. My business was to keep Moss at Dover as long as might +be, and in that I succeeded well enough. Nothing could save Miss Dolly +if he went blundering up to Lord Badington's house with his story of +what she'd done in London, and how fond certain West End tradesmen had +become of her. Given time enough, I believed the pretty little lady +would wheedle his lordship to consent to her marriage with Mr. Sarand. +But time she must have, and if she did not get it, well, then, time of +another kind might await her. It would have broken my heart to see +misfortune overtake pretty Dolly St. John, and I swore that it should +not, if any wit of mine could prevent it. +</P> + +<P> +Moss took about an hour and a half over his dinner, and when he came +out he was picking his teeth with a great steel prong, and looking as +pleased as though he had done the hotel waiters out of fourpence. I +saw that he had come to some resolution, and that it was a satisfactory +one. There was a twinkle in his little eyes you could not mistake, and +he shook his head while he talked to me, just as though I were buying +old clothes of him at twice their value. +</P> + +<P> +"Britten," he asked, "are you all ready?" +</P> + +<P> +"Quite ready, sir," said I—for I'd just that minute shoved my knife +into another tyre. "Are you going back to Sandwich?" +</P> + +<P> +"I'm going to Lord Badington's," says he, with a roar of laughter, "why +not? I'm going to ask for Miss Phyllis More, and say she's an ode fred +of the family. Ha, ha! what do you think of that, Britten? Will I get +the modey or won't I? Well, we'll see, my boy—so start her up, and be +quick about it." +</P> + +<P> +I said "Yes, sir," and went round to the front of the car. My cry of +astonishment when I saw the burst tyre would have done credit to Mr. +Henry Irving himself. Perhaps I said some things I shouldn't have +said—Moss did, anyway, and he raved so loud that the ostler had to +tell him his wife and children were upstairs. +</P> + +<P> +"Another tyre gone—what do I pay you wages for? Adser me that! Who +the —— is going to pay the bill? Don't you see I must get to Sadwich +to-night? A pretty sort of a dam fool you must be. Now you get that +car going in twedy minutes, or I'll leave you in the street—so help me +heaven I will——" And so on and so on, until I could have dropped for +laughing where I stood. +</P> + +<P> +It was touching to hear him, upon my word it was; but I held my tongue +for Miss Dolly's sake, and went to work quietly to take off the cover +and examine the tube for the cut I didn't mean to find. When I told +him presently that this was the last tube we had, and he'd better give +me two pound eight to go and buy a new one, I thought his language +would blow the ships out of the harbour; but he never gave me the +money, and then I knew that he meant to stay at Dover all night, and +that Miss Dolly had until the morning, anyway. "And by that time," +said I to myself, "she'll be off to London if she's clever enough, and +perhaps find Mr. Sarand at the station to meet her." +</P> + +<P> +I slept upon this—for you will understand that Moss had no real +intention of going on that night, after he heard about the tubes—and +at nine o'clock next morning I had my car ready, and drove her round to +the "Lord Warden." The run to Sandwich is not over-exciting in an +ordinary way, but I found it quite lively enough on that particular +occasion, when there were all sorts of doubts and fears in my head +about Miss Dolly, and the sure and certain knowledge that I should get +the sack whatever happened. Indeed, I might properly have been more +anxious about myself than the lady, for I never doubted that she would +have made a bolt for London by the time we arrived, and there was no +more disappointed man in Thanet when, on reaching the inn, Biggs told +me that she was still at the house. An inquiry whether he had +delivered my letter met with the amazing response that they had given +him no letter, and when I rushed into the house to ask what had become +of it, there it was, on the mantelshelf of the bar-parlour, just where +I had left it. Never did a man meet with a worse blow. I knew then +that Miss Dolly was done for, and I did not believe that the day could +pass and keep the police from Lord Badington's doorstep. +</P> + +<P> +I should tell you that Moss had called at the police station at +Sandwich as we drove through, and that a sergeant and a constable came +over to the inn on bicycles about midday. Their questioning me helped +them a mighty lot, for I contrived to look as foolish as a yokel when +you ask him the way to Nowhere; and all I could tell them was that the +lady had come down upon Lord Badington's invitation, and, when she was +tired of it, I supposed she would go away again. All of which they +took down in pocket-books about as large as a family Bible, and then +set out for the house, while I watched them with my heart in my very +boots, and the sort of feeling that might overtake a man if the police +set out to arrest his own sweetheart. +</P> + +<P> +Biggs, I should tell you, was with me when this happened, and mighty +curious he was about it all. Of course, I told him that Moss was +making a fool of himself, and that there would be a pretty action +afterwards if he didn't behave properly to Miss Dolly. None the less, +he was just as curious as I was, and directly the other party had left, +we followed on their heels, and were through the lodge gates almost as +soon as they were. As for Lal Britten, his heart went pat-a-pat, like +a girl's at a wedding. I could have knocked Moss down cheerful, and +paid forty bob for doing it with the greatest pleasure in my life. But +that wouldn't have helped Miss Dolly, you see, so I just trudged up the +drive after Moss, and said nothing whatever to anybody. +</P> + +<P> +Bless us all—how the chap did walk. There he was, head bent down, +shoulders sagging, his step shuffling as though he wore slippers, and +in his eyes that money fever which, to me, is one of the most awful +things in all the world. Even the police were rather disgusted with +him, I think, and the sergeant told me afterwards that he would have +paid fifty pounds to have got out of the job. For that matter, neither +he nor his underling said a word to Moss when they rang at the front +door bell, and they didn't seem to think it at all wonderful that Biggs +and I should be upon the doorstep with them. So all together we waited +quite a long time before old Hill, the butler, came jauntily along the +great corridor, and opened to us very deliberately. And now for it, I +thought—and oh, my poor Dolly, whatever is going to happen to you! +</P> + +<P> +"Party of the dabe of Miss More—is she sdaying in this house?" asks +Moss, half pushing his way in, and trying to look impudent. You should +have seen the butler's face when he answered him. +</P> + +<P> +"Who the devil are you?" he asked, "and what do you mean by coming here +like this? Outside, my man, or I'll put you there pretty quick." +</P> + +<P> +He took Moss by the collar, and, turning him about as though he were a +babe, shoved him on the wrong side of the door before you could have +said "knife." Then he turned to the sergeant. +</P> + +<P> +"What's all this, Sergeant Joyce?" he asked. "Why do you bring this +person here?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," stammered the sergeant, "he says that a certain Miss More——" +</P> + +<P> +"I beg you pardon," cried the butler quickly, "I think you should speak +of Lady Badington—my master left for Paris at eight o'clock this +morning." +</P> + +<P> +"What!" roared Moss—and you could have heard him on the Goodwin +Sands—"Lord Badington's married her?" +</P> + +<P> +"I believe those are the facts," says Hill, very quietly—and +then—well, and then I sat down on the doorstep and I laughed until the +tears ran down my face. Oh, Lord! oh, Lord!—and Moss's face! But you +will understand all that, and how the sergeant looked, and the smile on +the butler's face, without me saying a single word about it. +</P> + +<P> +"Take a week's notice, and be d——d to you!" cried I, turning upon my +master all of a sudden. "Do you think I'll serve with a man who sent +policemen after his best customers? You go to hell, Moss—where you +ought to have been long ago," and with that I just walked off down the +drive, and Biggs with me. Lord, what an afternoon we had! And the +night we spent afterwards in Ramsgate! +</P> + +<P> +For, you see, it was quite true. Old Lord Badington, who never could +look at a pretty woman twice without falling in love with her, found +himself mostly alone with Mistress Dolly at Sandwich, and, by all that +is true and wonderful, he married her. +</P> + +<P> +Not that she was Dolly St. John at all, you must know, but Dolly +Hamilton in reality; and connected, I am told, with the old American +family, the Hamiltons of Philadelphia. What she did in London was +done, I do believe, for the sheer excitement of doing it. And if folks +have called her an adventuress, set that down to the rogues of +trustees, who played ducks and drakes with her fortune, and left her in +Europe to shift as best she might. +</P> + +<P> +I got a hundred pounds for that job, sent by Miss Dolly herself from +Venice. Moss got his car back, and three or four punctured tubes. +Some day, I suppose, they'll pay him that seventy-five pounds sixteen +shillings and four-pence. But I hope it won't be yet. +</P> + +<P> +The Honorary John, they tell me, is very angry with his papa. But I'll +back an old boy every time—notwithstanding what is written in the +papers. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap04"></A> + +<H4 ALIGN="center"> +IV +</H4> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE LADY WHO LOOKED ON +</H3> + +<P> +I wonder how many nowadays remember that pretty bit of goods, Maisa +Hubbard, who used to drive the racing cars in France, and was the +particular fancy of half the motormen who drive on the other side of +the blue water. +</P> + +<P> +I first met her at the Gordon Bennett of 1901, and I must say I thought +her "sample goods." It's true that many would have it she was +over-well-known in America, and more than one young man got on the +rocks because of her; but the world rather likes a bit of scandal about +a pretty woman, and there's no shorter road to the masculine favour. +</P> + +<P> +Anyway, Maisa Hubbard was popular enough down at Bordeaux, and you +might still have called her the belle of the ball on June 26 in the +year 1902, when we started from Champigny for the great race across the +Arlberg Mountains. That was the occasion, you will remember, when two +of our little company did something by way of a record in smashing up +their cars—but the story of one of these, Max, who drove for a French +company, has so often been told that I shall certainly not re-tell it +here. The other is a different story, and since it is the story of a +good man, a good car, and a pretty woman, there's no reason why Lal +Britten should not put his pen to it. +</P> + +<P> +Well, I was driving for an English company at that time, the Vezey they +called themselves, though Wheezy would have been the better name. Such +a box of tricks I do believe was never put upon a chassis before or +since. It took two of us to start the engine in the morning, and the +same number to persuade her to leave off firing at night. The works +manager, Mr. Nathan, whose Christian name was Abraham, said that she'd +done eighty miles an hour with him easily; but the only time I got her +over fifty she broke her differential by way of an argument, and +nothing but a soft place in a hayfield saved me from the hospital. All +of which, of course, was good advertisement for the firm—and, truly, +if it came to making a noise in the world, why, you could hear their +car a good quarter of a mile away. +</P> + +<P> +This was the flier I took over to France and tried to break in upon the +fine roads we all know so well. As I finished the race almost before I +began it, the less said about the affair the better—but I shall never +forget that Paris to Vienna meeting, and I shall never forget it +because of my friend Ferdinand,[<A NAME="ch4fn1text"></A><A HREF="#ch4fn1">1</A>] one of the best and bravest who ever +turned a wheel, and the right winner of that great prize, but for the +woman who said "No," and said it so queerly and to such effect that a +magician out of the story-books couldn't have done it better. +</P> + +<P> +I liked Ferdinand, liked him from the start. A better figure of a man +I shall never see; six feet to an inch, square set and wonderfully +muscular. His hair was dark and ridiculously curly, so much so that +talk of the "irons and brown paper" was the standing joke amongst the +racing men in Paris, who knew no more of him than that he was an +Italian by birth and had spent half his life in America. For the rest, +he spoke English as well as I did, and I never knew whether Ferdinand +was his real name, or one he took for the racecourse—nor did I care. +</P> + +<P> +They say that there is no cloud without a silver lining—a poor +consolation in a thunderstorm when your hood is at home and the nearest +tree is three miles away. There had been a thunderstorm, I remember, +on the morning I met poor Ferdinand, and my batteries had refused to +hand out another volt, notwithstanding the plainest kind of speech in +which I could address them. Just in the middle of it, when the rain +was running in at the neck and out at the ankles, and I was asking +myself why I wasn't a footman in yellow plush breeches, what should +happen but that a great red car came loping up on the horizon, like +some mad thing answering to the lightning's call—and no sooner was it +a mile distant than it was by me, so to speak, and I was listening to +my friend Ferdinand for the first time. +</P> + +<P> +"Halloa, and what's taken your fancy in these parts?" he asked in a +cheery voice. I told him as plainly. +</P> + +<P> +"This musical box don't like the thunder," said I; "she's turned sour." +</P> + +<P> +"Are you stopping here for the lady, or do you want to get back to +Paris?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," says I, "I haven't taken a lease of this particular furlong, if +that's what you mean." +</P> + +<P> +"Then I'll give you a tow," says he, and without another word, he got +down from his seat and began to make a job of it. We were at Vendreux +half an hour afterwards, and there we breakfasted together in the +French fashion. That meal, I always say, was the luckiest friend +Ferdinand ever ate. +</P> + +<P> +He told me a lot about himself and a lot about his car; how he had been +everything in America, from log-roller in the backwoods to cook in the +Fifth Avenue palaces; how he met Herr Jornek, the designer of the +Modena car, on a trip to St. John's to explore Grand River, and how he +had come back to Europe to drive it in the big race. His luck, he +said, had been out in New York because of a woman; to get far away from +that particular lady was the inducement which carried him to Europe. +</P> + +<P> +Here was something to awaken my curiosity, as you may well imagine, and +I asked him all sorts of questions about the girl; but to no good +purpose. His interest was in the car, one of the first made by the +famous Herr Jornek, and called the Modena after the factory in that +town. He told me it was unlike any car on the market, and that new +features of gearbox, ignition, and engine design would certainly stamp +it a winner if no bad luck overtook him. This persistent talk about +misfortune set me wondering, and I fell to questioning him a little +more closely about his story, and especially that part of it which +concerned the woman. +</P> + +<P> +"Who is the lady, and how did she interfere with you?" I asked. He +would say no more than that he had known her by half a dozen names over +in America, and that she was formerly a dancer at the old Casino +Theatre in New York. +</P> + +<P> +"She's done everything," he said: "gone up in balloons, ridden horses +astride at Maddison Square Gardens, played the cowboys' show with +Buffalo Bill, and sailed an iceboat on the Great Lakes. Whenever she's +out to win I'm out to lose. Make what you like of it, it's Gospel +truth. As certain as I'm up for one of the big prizes of my life, the +girl's there to thwart me. If I were what my schoolmaster used to call +a fatalist, I'd say she was the evil prophetess who used to play ducks +and drakes with the soldier boys at Athens. But I don't believe +anything of the sort—I say it's just sheer bad luck, and that woman +stands for the figure of it." +</P> + +<P> +I was troubled to hear him, and put many more questions. How did the +girl thwart him? Was it just an idea, or had he something better to go +upon? He did not know what to say; I could see it troubled him very +much to speak of it. +</P> + +<P> +"She puts it into my head that I shall lose, and lose I do," he said; +"it's always been the same, and always will be. When I rode that great +leaping horse, Desmond, and put him over the fences, she was in the +arena with a bronco, and she just looked up to me as sweetly as a +child, and said, "Ferdy, your horse is going to fall next time," and +fall, sure enough, he did, and laid me on my bed for more than a month. +After that I rode the bicycle match against the Frenchman, Devereux, +and there she was, dressed like a picture amongst the crowd, and +smiling like an angel in the Spanish churches. When I nodded to her +she called me back a moment, and just put in her pretty word. +</P> + +<P> +"Ferdy," she said, "that Frenchman can't ride straight; he's going to +run into you, Ferdy." Will you believe it, we cannoned together at the +last corner, and I was thrown so badly that although he walked his +machine in I couldn't beat him." +</P> + +<P> +He was serious enough about it all, and I must say that his talk put +some queer ideas into my head. I've never been a believer over-much in +luck myself, holding that we make it or mar it for ourselves, and that +what some call misfortune is nothing more or less than misdoing; but +here was a tale to make a man think, and think I did while he ate his +breakfast and went on to speak of his car almost as lovingly as a man +speaks of the new girl he met for the first time yesterday. Just as we +were leaving the hotel and he was getting back to his doleful manner a +bit, I put in my word and I could see that he took it well enough. +</P> + +<P> +"All said and done," said I, "there's a little matter of three thousand +miles between you and the lady just at present. Whatever may have +happened over yonder is hardly likely to happen in La Belle France, +look at it how you like. You should think no more about it, Ferdinand. +You're to win this great race, and win it you certainly will if I'm a +judge. Why, then, think about a woman at all?" +</P> + +<P> +"Because," he replied, and he was as grave as a judge at the moment, +"because I must; I've been thinking of her ever since I picked you up. +It's queer, Britten, but I do believe you're going to bring me luck, +and that's as true as Gospel." +</P> + +<P> +"And true it shall be," said I, "if good wishes can do it, my boy. +Let's go and get the cars. My box of tricks will be melted down if I +leave it in the sun any longer. Let's get back to Paris and have some +fun; I'm sure that's what you're wanting." +</P> + +<P> +He did not object; and the storm having passed, and my coil behaving +itself properly now that the damp was off the contacts, we jogged along +the road to Paris in company with many who were returning from their +morning practice, and just a few amateurs out to see the fun. We had +gone a mile, I suppose, when we met a girl driving one of the De Dion +motor tricycles, and no sooner had I seen her than she went by with a +flash and a nod; and I knew her for little Maisa Hubbard, of whom the +town had been talking for three days past. Then I ran my car alongside +Ferdinand's just to make a remark about it—but, will you believe +me?—he was as pale as a sheet, and his eyes were staring right into +vacancy, as though a ghost stood in his path, and he didn't know how to +get by it. +</P> + +<P> +"Why," cried I, "and what's up now?" +</P> + +<P> +He brought himself to with an effort, closed his hand about the wheel, +and then answered me: +</P> + +<P> +"That's the girl, right enough," he said; "you saw her for yourself." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, look here, I can't take that. Don't you know Maisa Hubbard, who +drove the big Panhard last autumn?" +</P> + +<P> +"I know Maisa Hubbard who used to dance at the Casino Theatre in New +York, and she's the same. Didn't I tell you she'd follow me to France?" +</P> + +<P> +"You told me a lot of things," I retorted; "perhaps you dreamed some of +them." +</P> + +<P> +"Perhaps I did," he answered, and then I was sorry I had spoken, for +his face was as sad as a woman's in sorrow, and just as pitiful. +</P> + +<P> +"You want cheering up, my boy," said I; "wait till we get back to +Paris, and I'll take you in hand myself. It's over-driving that's done +it; I've known the kind of thing, and can understand what you feel; but +you wait a bit, and then we'll see. Didn't you say I was going to +bring you luck?" +</P> + +<P> +"I did, but not while Maisa Hubbard's in France. There's no man born +could do it." +</P> + +<P> +He was down enough about it, I must say, and a more melancholy driver +never steered a car into Champigny—the place where the great race was +to start from, and our destination for the time being. When we had +done the necessary tuning up and had cleaned ourselves, I took +Ferdinand back to Paris, and gave him a bit of dinner at a little +restaurant near the Faubourg St.-Honoré. +</P> + +<P> +When we had eaten five shillings' worth for three-and-sixpence, and +drunk a good bottle of sour red wine apiece, I took him round to +"Olympia," and there we saw the famous show they called the "Man in the +Moon." This didn't cheer him up at all, and once during the evening he +told me that he thought he'd soon be in the moon himself, or any place +where they have a job for damaged racing drivers. This made me laugh +at him, but laughing wasn't any good, and I had it in my mind to take +him off to supper at a little place I knew on the Boulevards, when what +should happen but that Maisa Hubbard appeared suddenly in the promenade +where we stood, and immediately came up to him with such a smile as +might have brought a saint out of a picture to say "Good evening" to +her. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, it's Ferdy!" she cried, "and he's trying to turn his back on me. +Oh, my dear boy, whatever do you look like that for?" +</P> + +<P> +He shook hands with her quite civilly, and made some excuse about the +show and his not feeling very funny about it. She had another girl +with her, and her brother, Jerome Hubbard, the "whip" who used to drive +with Mr. Fownes. When I had been introduced, she asked me to come to +supper at a place I'd never heard of, and declared that her brother +would have a fit if we didn't disburse some of his savings immediately. +The little girl who was with her (I shan't write her name down) was a +lively bit of goods, and I was ready enough to go if only to cheer up +"Ferdy," who, to be sure, had become a different man already, and was +talking and laughing with Maisa just as though they had been first +"cousins" for a twelvemonth or more. In the end we ate Mr. Jerome's +supper, and got back to our little beds at two in the morning: not an +over-good preparation for a great race, as any driver will admit; but +my friend seemed himself again, and I would have eaten half a dozen +suppers to bring that about. +</P> + +<P> +This was two days before the meeting, I should tell you, and I saw +little of Ferdinand until that memorable June morning, when, at +half-past three precisely, Girardot got away on his C.G.V., and was +followed two minutes later by Fournier on his Mors. I have taken part +in many a big race since, but never one which excited me more than that +famous dash from Paris to Vienna, which was to make the fortune of more +than one English house, and to bring the Gordon Bennett Cup to England +for the first time in the motor story. +</P> + +<P> +I firmly believed my friend Ferdinand was to win the race, and +presentiment goes farther in this world than many folks think. Such a +dashing, daring driver I never saw. His car was a wonder. I took +several trips with him before the race, and I do believe that we made +eighty or ninety miles an hour upon her—a miracle for those days, +though not thought so much of in this year 1909. What was more, he +seemed to have forgotten all about that little devil of a Maisa Hubbard +and her prophecies, and when we breakfasted together upon the morning +of the start I would have said that he was fit to race for his life. +</P> + +<P> +And what a start it was, notwithstanding the hour! What a roaring and +racing of engines, cars tearing here and tearing there, gendarmes +everywhere, men with silver on their heads and silver on their toes; +jabbering officials telling you to do twenty things at once, and +quarrelling because you did them. The enclosure itself was like the +meat-market at Smithfield on a busy morning. I never heard so much +noise in any one place before; and if there was a man, woman, or child +who slept through it in the peaceful village of Champigny, well, he, +she, or it ought to go into a museum. +</P> + +<P> +Of course, all this was exciting enough, and I caught something of the +fever when twenty soldiers pushed my old rattle-trap into the roadway, +and a very fine gentleman gave the signal to "Go." Upon my word, I do +believe there was just a moment when I thought I could get to Vienna +before the others; and, letting my clutch in gently, and telling Billy, +my mechanician, to make himself fast, I soon had her upon third speed, +and was racing as fast as the bad road would let me towards Provins. +This was a bumpy bit, to be sure, and if I had put her on the "fourth," +some one would have had to sweep up the pieces quickly. But I kept her +steady, though the great cars began to go by like roaring locomotives +on a down incline, and really she was doing very well when the offside +front tyre asked for a change of air, and we knew that it was No. 1, so +far as punctures were concerned. +</P> + +<P> +Well, this was twenty miles from Provins, upon a long and desolate +stretch of a poor road, with a distant view of the hills and a couple +of sleepy peasants out among the hay. We had been lucky with our draw, +and started early in the list, and you can imagine my surprise when a +car flashed into view and I recognised Ferdinand, who was almost the +last to get off, and must have passed any number of cars to overtake us +as he did. My word, and he was driving, too! His great machine +frightened you to watch it, leaping over the bumps as it did, and +threatening every moment to be flung sheer off the road into the +hayfield on the other side of the dyke. But there was a master at the +wheel, and with a cheery wave of the hand to us Ferdinand went by, and +was lost immediately in a mighty cloud of dust which rose clear above +the poplars. +</P> + +<P> +I need hardly tell you how glad I was to see him doing so well, and how +I laughed at all his foolish ideas about Maisa Hubbard. Win I felt he +would, though all the ladies of the Casino ballet came out to tell him +not to; and when old Dobbin, my own particular turn-out, condescended +to move again, I pushed on for Belfort, no longer deluding myself that +I was to be within a hundred miles of the winner, but hoping that I +should get to Vienna in time to shake "Ferdy" by the hand and to tell +him what a fool he had been. +</P> + +<P> +If I didn't say this at Belfort, where Herr Jornek, the designer of the +car, stood in between us and took Ferdy away for the evening to talk to +him, it was well enough said at Brigenz. There a second halt was made; +and although we turned in at an early hour, I had plenty of time to put +the idea of winning into his head, and the idea of Maisa Hubbard out of +it. All the world knows that we had to go through France, Switzerland, +Germany, and Austria for that big race, and the Swiss part was slow +enough, since no racing was allowed by the timid old gentlemen at the +capital. Indeed, if there is one country in Europe a motorist does +well to keep out of at any time, it is Switzerland. We simply rolled +through the place on that particular journey, and at Brigenz my friend +Ferdinand was high up in the list, none but De Knyff, Jarrott, and the +Farmans being ahead of him. I told him that if he got over the Arlberg +Mountains as his car ought to get, he was winner for a certainty. And +that was the point we stuck to until it was time to turn into our +little beds and dream about to-morrow. +</P> + +<P> +"I hear that the devil himself might be frightened to drive across that +pass at any speed," said I, "and there's your chance, Ferdy. You say +it will be the making of you to win this race. Well, you give your +mind to it, and don't shirk the risks, and you're as good as a winner +already. There isn't a car in the bunch can hold you on the mountains, +and you know it." +</P> + +<P> +"You're right," said he, "and I wish I could say the same to you. But +Lal, my boy, it isn't exactly a war-horse that you've got under you, +and I can't say it is. I'm not frightened of the mountains, and can +break my neck as well as most; don't think otherwise. If my luck +holds, Lal Britten has fixed it up, and I shan't forget him when the +shekels are paid out. You may think me a bit dotty, but this I will +say, that I never felt so sure of myself or of the car as I do this +night, and if confidence and a good engine won't win across the +Arlberg, then we'll give it up, Lal, and take to perambulators." +</P> + +<P> +"Not meaning any reference to the lady," said I; but his face clouded, +and I wished I hadn't spoken. +</P> + +<P> +"She's in Paris, and thank God for it," he exclaimed, rising to go up +to bed; "if she were here in Brigenz to-night, I wouldn't give sixpence +for my chances, and that's the whole truth. Now, let's go to by-by; if +we don't, I'll be dreaming of her, and dreams won't win laurel-wreaths, +as even you will admit." +</P> + +<P> +I let him go, and followed some ten minutes later to my own room. It +was just cussedness, I suppose, which kept me back, for, as I went +across the corridor of the first floor of our hotel I heard a woman +with a laugh which struck sparks off you; and turning round, there was +Maisa Hubbard herself in a fine Paris gown and a great straw hat, with +a pink feather in it large enough to decorate the Shah. She just gave +a pleasant nod to me and then went downstairs, while I made for my +bedroom, wondering what Ferdy would have said if he had seen her, and +what real bad luck brought her to Brigenz at such a time. +</P> + +<P> +Of course, she had come on by train. Lots of people did, to follow the +racing; and here she was with a merry party, just as simple-looking and +as guileless as a shepherdess at the Vic, and looking no older than a +school-girl. When I got up at four next morning I was full of +curiosity to know if Ferdy had seen her. But he was out at his car in +the "control," cheerful enough as far as he himself was concerned, but +mighty anxious about his mechanician, Down, who had broken his arm +trying to start up the engine, and had already been taken to the +hospital. A minute later I heard that our old wheezer wouldn't start +at all, and there it was, as though a special Providence had ordered it. +</P> + +<P> +"You can't move your own char-à-banc—the crank-shaft's broken," +Ferdinand said to me, as he asked me for the tenth time to get up +beside him; "I've got no one, and I'm going to win this race. If you +could conjure up a new crankshaft out of nothing, you would still be +three behind the last in, and all the town out to laugh at you. Get +up, Lal, and have done with it. I tell you I knew it from the first." +</P> + +<P> +Well, I stared at this: and having just a word with my mechanician +Billy, and being quite sure that the Vezey, however good she was at +going back on me, wouldn't go forward that day or for some days to +come, I left instructions for telegrams to be sent to England, and was +up beside Ferdinand without further ado. +</P> + +<P> +I have told you that he stood already high in the list, and so you will +understand that we hadn't long to wait for the word "Go!" Before that +could be given, however, and while the car was still in the "control," +who should come up to us but Maisa Hubbard herself; and, will you +believe it, I felt all my confidence, both in man and car, oozing out +of my finger-tips, just like water running out of a tap. How or why +that should have been I am not the man to say; but there was the fact, +that this pretty woman could work this magic upon me just by a look out +of her sly eyes, and could do worse to my friend Ferdinand, as I +plainly perceived. As for that poor chap, he turned as white as a +ghost directly he saw her, and I really thought he would never be able +to start the car at all. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, my dear boy, I have been looking for you everywhere," cried she, +offering him a little bunch of red roses, just as though she loved him +dearly. "Now, won't you take these for luck? I'm sure you'll want +luck to-day, Ferdy. Do you know, I dreamed about you last night?" +</P> + +<P> +He said "Yes," and laid the flowers on the seat beside him. I could +see him licking his lips as though his mouth were dry, and presently he +asked her a question. +</P> + +<P> +"What did you dream, Maisa?" +</P> + +<P> +She shook her head and began the play-actress style. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I guess I wouldn't tell you, anyway." +</P> + +<P> +"But I want to know, Maisa?" +</P> + +<P> +"It was only a dream, of course—aren't they real sometimes, Ferdy? +Why, I saw you drive your car over the side of the mountain, just as +plainly as ever I saw anything in my life." +</P> + +<P> +He laughed quietly, looking at me with a look I shall never forget. +</P> + +<P> +"You're quite a wonder at dreaming, Maisa. Suppose I disappoint you +this time?" +</P> + +<P> +"Don't be foolish, Ferdy—you shouldn't have asked me to tell you. +Why, you're too clever to be such a silly, and you know it. Good-bye +and good luck. I shall see you in Vienna." +</P> + +<P> +He just nodded his head and let in his clutch with such a bang that he +nearly threw me over the dash. I could see that his nerve had gone to +the winds with the woman's words, and if wishes could have repaid her, +she'd have got something for her pains, I do assure you. As it was, I +could do nothing but pretend to laugh at it, and that I did to the best +of my ability. +</P> + +<P> +"Dreams go by contraries," said I; "any child knows that." +</P> + +<P> +"She didn't dream it at all," was his answer; "she said it out of +spite." +</P> + +<P> +"Why should she be spiteful——?" +</P> + +<P> +"You ask the man and his master. She's out for another car to win, and +will spoil my chances if she can." +</P> + +<P> +"More fool you, then, to listen to her. Make up your mind to forget +it. You can do it if you try." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," he said, and upon my word I was sorry for him, "that girl's going +to be my ruin, Lal, as sure as we're on this car." +</P> + +<P> +"You speak like a coward, Ferdy—didn't you say I brought you luck——" +</P> + +<P> +"And you shall—I'll try to believe, Lal—I've thought it from the +start. If it wasn't for her——" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, be d——d to her," said I; and that I really meant. +</P> + +<P> +We were on the starting line as these words were spoken, and in two +minutes we got the word to go, and the great Modena car rushed away +like some giant bird upon the wing. This was the crucial stage of that +famous race, when we had to climb the Arlberg Mountains and drop down +to Innsbruck. It was the day which saw Edge the proud winner of the +Gordon Bennett Cup, and the morning upon which Jarrott broke up his +bedroom furniture to stiffen the frame of his 70-h.p. Panhard. Our car +was not in for the Gordon Bennett, and our race did not finish at +Innsbruck, but at far Vienna—that is, if we crossed the terrible +Arlberg Mountains safely, and got down the other side with our heads +still upon our shoulders. This depended upon my friend Ferdinand, the +greatest driver that ever lived upon an ordinary day, but a mad devil +that morning if ever there was one. +</P> + +<P> +Oh! you could see it from the start. That woman's words had entered +into his very soul, and he did not deny that he believed his hour had +come. We were early away, and the two big cars ahead of us we caught +almost in the first hour. When we came to the mountain we began to +climb as though a magic wind was lifting us. Grand as the scene was, +with the mighty mountains towering above us and the valley full of +wonders spreading out below, I had eyes for nothing but the winding +road, nor thoughts of any goal but that of distant Innsbruck, where the +danger would be passed. Sometimes I wished that Ferdinand would change +seats with me and let me drive. No woman that ever was born would +frighten me, I thought, and yet I could not be sure even about that. +The words that were spoken in the "control" went echoing in my head. +"We were going over the mountain-side." Good God, if it were true! +</P> + +<P> +The climb up the Arlberg Mountains is a wonderful thing, but I would +have you know that it is child's play to the drop down on the other +side. Imagine a series of fearful zigzags with a sheer wall of rock on +one side, and on the other a precipice just as sheer, and so open and +undefended that some fellows in this race were driven almost mad with +terror at the bare sight of it. Luckily for me, I sat upon the +left-hand side of the car and could see very little of what was going +on; but I knew that our off-side front wheel was within two inches of +the edge more than once as we went up; and when we passed over the top +and began the descent I could have sworn that even Ferdinand himself +had lost all hope of getting down safely. +</P> + +<P> +Once, I remember, he gave a great cry, and shot the car over to the +inside with such a twist that our wheels scraped the very rock; there +were moments when he came to a stand altogether, and passed his hand +over his eyes as though he could not see clearly. By here and there I +thought he drove like a madman, swooping round a fearful corner with +our wheels over the very chasm, or dashing down a straight as though +nothing could save him at the bottom. If I called out at this and +implored him not to be a fool, he answered back that "What was to be, +would be"; and then he mentioned Maisa's name, and I knew he had not +forgotten. +</P> + +<P> +Well, as many know, the end came at that great dome of rock which looks +for all the world like St. Paul's Cathedral. I confess that I should +have been no wiser here than Ferdinand. We seemed to be following a +gentle curve round the dome, with the rock upon our left hand, and the +valley three thousand feet down upon our right. There was nothing to +tell us of the danger trap; and, thinking he had a clear road, +Ferdinand opened his throttle and we shot ahead like a shell from a +gun. Less than a second afterwards I had made a wild leap from my +seat—and Ferdinand, without a cry or a sound, had gone headlong to the +valley below. +</P> + +<P> +I suppose five good minutes must have passed before I knew anything at +all, either of the nature of this awful accident or of the good luck +which attended my leap. Lying there on my back, I became conscious +presently that I was in a thick scrub of gorse, which lined the road +hereabouts. It had caught me just as a spider's web catches a fly. I +ached intolerably, that is true—my whole body seemed numbed, as though +it had been hit with irons, while my leather clothes were torn to rags. +But, by-and-by, it came to me that I could get up if I chose, and when +I looked below me and saw the sheer precipice, and that nothing but a +bush stood between me and it, you may be sure I scrambled back to the +road quicker than a man counts two. And there I lay, trying to +remember what had happened, and what my duty called upon me to do. +</P> + +<P> +Ferdy and the car! Good God, what had happened to them? The sweat +poured off me like rain when the truth came back. Ferdy was over +there, down that awful precipice. Quaking in every limb, I dragged +myself to the edge and looked over. Yes, I could see the car, looking +like a little toy thing, far down in the valley. It lay wheels +upwards, in what appeared to be a little brook or river; but of my +comrade not a sign anywhere. In vain I shouted his name again and +again. The cars began to pass me, and, warned by my presence, they +took that awful corner safely; but not a man of their drivers guessed +that a good fellow had gone over, and that I was half mad because of +it. Away they went, with a nod and a shout, leaving that cold silence +of the mountains behind them, and Lal Britten crying like a woman +because they didn't stay. In the end I ceased to think of them at all, +and, going to the brink again, I shouted "Ferdinand" until the hills +rang. +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +He answered me—as I am a living man—Ferdinand answered me at last. +At first I could believe so little in the truth of what I heard that I +almost thought the mountains were mocking me and sending my voice back +in echoes. Then I understood that it was not so at all, but that my +friend really called to me from a place thirty or forty yards down the +road, where the scrub was thicker. It was the spot where our tank and +tool-box, cast ahead as the car swerved and went over, lay shattered on +the rocks. These I hardly noticed at the moment; but, dashing to the +place, I threw myself flat on my face and hung right over the precipice +to answer my comrade. And then, in an instant I knew what had +happened—then I understood. +</P> + +<P> +The car, I say, had swerved away to the right as she took the +precipice. The tremendous force of it not only sent all our loose +impedimenta flying down the road, which turned to the left, but it +threw Ferdinand sideways; and, although he had gone over, he fell, as +the newspapers have told you, just where the sheer wall bulged; and +here, holding for dear life to the shrubs, he waited for me to save +him. Such a torture I have never known, or shall know again. The +sight of my friend, not ten feet away from me, the precipice forbidding +me to go down, for it was quite sheer at the top; his white face, his +desperate hold at the scrappy shrubs—oh, you can't imagine or think of +the truth of it as I had to upon that awful morning. +</P> + +<P> +"How long can you hold on?" I asked him, clenching my teeth when I had +spoken. +</P> + +<P> +"Perhaps a minute, perhaps two. If you could get a rope, Lal——" +</P> + +<P> +"I'll stop a car," said I—a madder thing was never said, but I had to +say something—"I'll stop a car and make them help me. Perhaps my +shirt will do it, Ferdy." +</P> + +<P> +"Good-bye if it doesn't," he said quite quietly; and I knew then that +he was prepared for death, and had expected it; but I was already busy +with my shirt, tearing it up with twitching fingers, when he spoke +again. +</P> + +<P> +"Pity we haven't got the rope I towed you with the other day," he said +suddenly; and at that I started up as though he had hit me. +</P> + +<P> +"The rope—where did you carry it?" +</P> + +<P> +"It was in the tool-box," he answered, still quite calm. +</P> + +<P> +I think I shouted out at that—I know I was crying like a woman a +minute afterwards. The tool-box! Why, it lay there, against the rock, +before my very nose, the d——d fool! And the very rope which had +first brought our friendship about: was it accident or destiny which +put it into my hands, and did Ferdinand do right or wrong to say I +brought him luck? +</P> + +<P> +I shan't answer these questions—for he was sitting beside me less than +two minutes afterwards, and we were hugging each other like brothers. +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +Maisa Hubbard's friend didn't get first to Vienna, and pleased enough I +was. Whether Ferdy just imagined that she had an evil influence over +him, or whether it is true that some women are the mistresses of men's +destiny, I don't pretend to say. The story is there to speak for +itself. +</P> + +<P> +And Maisa, I may add, is in the halfpenny papers. Do you remember that +famous case of Lord—but perhaps it isn't my place to speak about that? +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="ch4fn1"></A> + +<P CLASS="footnote"> +[<A HREF="#ch4fn1text">1</A>] The names of the driver, Ferdinand, and the car, the Modena, have +been substituted by the Editor for those in Mr. Britten's own +narrative. The reasons for this will be obvious to the reader. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap05"></A> + +<H4 ALIGN="center"> +V +</H4> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE BASKET IN THE BOUNDARY ROAD +</H3> + +<P> +The doctors will tell you sometimes that motoring is good for the +nerves; and since so many of them now buy cars, and there's no man like +a doctor for looking after his own flesh and blood, I suppose they mean +what they say. All the same, I wish I'd had a doctor with me the night +I picked up Mabel Bellamy; for if his nerves had stood that and he +hadn't given himself quinine and iron for the next two months, why, I'd +have paid his fee myself. +</P> + +<P> +You see, it was a rum job from the very beginning of it. I was working +for Hook-Nosed Moss at the time, and, being Lent, and half the +theatrical ladies of position doing penance down at Monte Carlo, we +weren't exactly knocking a hole in the Bank of England—nor, for that +matter, even earning our fares to Jerusalem. Moss came down to the +garage in the West End gloomier and gloomier every day; and one morning +when I saw that he'd pawned his diamond shirt-stud (the same that we +called "The Bleriot"), why then, says I, Lal Britten, keep off the +Stock Exchange and don't put your last thirty bob in Consols, wherever +else you place it. +</P> + +<P> +Now this was the state of things when one morning, early in the month +of March last year, we were rung up from a public telephone call in +Bayswater, and the covered Napier was ordered for a house in the +Richmond Road, Bayswater—a locality with which I was unfamiliar, but +which Moss declared must be all right, since the gentleman who lived +there knew that we had a Napier car and therefore was in a manner +introduced to us. Half an hour later he discovered that Richmond Road +was nothing better than a mean street of lodging-houses, and, my word, +didn't he reel off his instructions to me like texts out of a copy-book. +</P> + +<P> +"Dot's a shame, Britten," he said, coming round by the bonnet of the +car, which I was tuning up for the trip—"I was deceived by the dabe of +the street. We must have our modey before they have the goods. Mind +that now, you dote drive a mile unless they pay the shinies. Three +guideas id your pocket and then you drive 'em. Are you listening, +Britten?" +</P> + +<P> +I managed to give him a squirt of oil out of my can—for we do love +Moss, and then I told him that Nelson on the quarter-deck of the +<I>Victory</I> wasn't more alive to his duties. +</P> + +<P> +"Three guineas cash down and then I drive 'em. Is this a round trip to +see the beauties of Surrey, Mr. Moss, or do I return to my little cot +after the ball is over? I'd like to know on account of taking my Court +suit, if you don't mind." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," says he, "you're ordered for ded o'clock, so I suppose id's the +light fadastic toe, Britten. But mide you get your modey—or I'll stop +your salary, sure. Three guideas and what you cad hook for yourself—I +shan't touch that, Britten—I dow how to treat my servants well." +</P> + +<P> +I laughed at this, but didn't say too much for fear he should find out +that he'd got a patch of oil as big as a football on the back of his +beautiful new spring suit, and when he had told me that the party's +name was Faulkland Jones and had given me the number of the house, I +got on with my work again and soon had the three-year-old Napier +running as well as ever she did in all her life. Nor did anything else +happen until ten o'clock that night, at which hour precisely I drove +her up to the house in the Richmond Road, Bayswater, and sent a small +boy to knock at the door. +</P> + +<P> +It was a twopenny-ha'penny shop, and no doubt about it; a two-storied +day-before-yesterday lodging-house, with a bow window like a +Métallurgique bonnet and a door about as big as the top of your +gear-box. +</P> + +<P> +So far as I could see from the road there was only one lamp showing in +the place, and that was on the off-side, so to speak, in a little +window of a bedroom—but the boy said afterwards that there was a glim +in the hall, and he was old enough to have known. Taken altogether, +you wouldn't have offered them thirty pounds a year for the lot unless +you had been a Rothschild with a cook to pension off—and what such +people wanted with a Napier limousine at three guineas the job I really +could not have said. This, however, was no business of mine; so I just +gave the lad a penny and settled myself down in my seat until the +Duchess in the apron should appear. +</P> + +<P> +It wasn't a long time I had to wait, perhaps five minutes, perhaps ten. +I told the police, when they questioned me afterwards, to split the +difference, for none but a policeman could have told you what it had +got to do with my story. When the door did open at last, a couple of +men carrying a basket came down the bit of a garden, and the first of +them wished me "Good evening" very civilly. Then they let the basket +down softly on to the pavement and began to talk to me about it. +</P> + +<P> +"How strong's your roof?" asked the first, speaking with a nasal twang +I couldn't quite place. "Will it take this bit of a basket all right?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why," says I, "it might depend on what you've got inside that same. +Have I come for the washing, or do I drive your plate to the Bank of +England?" +</P> + +<P> +The second, the taller man of the two, laughed at this; but the first +seemed very uneasy, and it was not lost upon me that he glanced to the +right and the left of him as though afraid that someone would come up +and hear what his friend had to say next. +</P> + +<P> +"I guess it's neither one nor the other," the first speaker went on. +"We're playing theatricals at the Hampstead Town Hall to-morrow night, +and these are the dresses. We want you to take them up to the Boundary +Road, St. John's Wood—I'll show you the house when we get there; but +it's called Bredfield, and you'll know it by a square-toed lamp up +against the side-track. Perhaps you can give us a hand with the +baggage—and say, have you any objection to gold when you can't get +silver?" +</P> + +<P> +He passed up a sovereign and I put it inside my glove. Moss had told +me to collect the shekels before I drove them a mile, and so I told the +pair of them as I was getting down the luggage ladder, which +fortunately I had brought, not knowing the job. A bit to my surprise +they paid up immediately, but I made no remark about that; and when I +had signed the receipt by the light of my near-side lamp, I helped them +up with the basket and soon had it strapped to the rails in a way that +satisfied even the nervous little man with the saucer eyes. +</P> + +<P> +Many have asked me if I had no suspicions about that basket, was not +curious as to its contents, and remarked nothing as we hoisted it up. +To these I say that the men themselves were the chief actors in the +business; that they lifted the baggage from the pavement, and that my +task was chiefly to guide it to the rails and to make it fast when I +had got it there. Otherwise, this basket was no different from any +dress-basket you may see upon half a dozen four-wheelers the first time +you look in at a railway station; and I should be telling an untruth if +I said that I thought about it at all. Indeed, it was not until we got +to the Boundary Road, and I stopped at the house called Bredfield, that +so much as a notion of anything wrong entered my head. There, however, +I did get a shock, and no mistake; for no sooner had I pulled up than I +discovered that I had come on alone, and that neither the big man with +the Yankee accent nor the little man with the saucer eyes had deigned +to accompany me. +</P> + +<P> +Well, I got down from the driver's seat, opened and shut the door as +though to be sure that neither the one nor the other was hiding under +the seat, and then I rang loudly at the front door bell and waited to +see what fortune had got in her lucky-bag. +</P> + +<P> +Had the men told me plainly that I was to go alone, I should never have +given the matter a second thought; but I could have sworn that the pair +of them were inside the limousine when I started away from the Richmond +Road, and how or where they got down I knew no more than the Lord +Chancellor. It remained to be seen if the people in the house were any +wiser; and you may be sure that I was curious enough by this time, and, +if the truth must be told, not a little frightened. +</P> + +<P> +Boundary Road, as many will know, is a quiet thoroughfare in St. John's +Wood, most of the houses being detached, and many of them having twenty +feet of garden back and front. This particular house was larger than +ordinary, and owned an odd iron lamp fixed above the garden gate and +conspicuous a hundred yards away. Unlike the shanty in the Richmond +Road, nearly every window showed a bright light; and I don't suppose I +had waited twenty seconds, though they seemed like a quarter of an +hour, when the front door flew open and one of the prettiest +parlourmaids I have ever clapped eyes upon came running down the path, +and asked, even before she had opened the gate, if the lady had arrived. +</P> + +<P> +"Why," says I, quickly enough, "that she certainly has not, being took +to dine with the Grand Duke Isaac at the Metropolitan Music Hall. But +her dresses are here, miss, and if you like to try on any of 'em before +she arrives, why, you're welcome so far as I am concerned." +</P> + +<P> +She laughed at this and came out on to the pavement. I have said she +was pretty, but that's hardly the word for it. If she went on the +Gaiety stage to-morrow, she'd be the talk of the town in a +fortnight—and as for her manners, well, it isn't my place to remark on +those. Affability appeals to me wherever I find it, and if Betsy +Chambers isn't affable, then I don't know the meaning of the term. +</P> + +<P> +"Where have you come from?" she asked me as we stood there; "have you +come from Scotland?" +</P> + +<P> +"More like from Scotland Yard in these times," says I; "why should you +ask me that?" +</P> + +<P> +"Because the gentleman said that his wife would be arriving from +Scotland to-night, but that he would not be here until to-morrow. I +wouldn't have stopped in the house for anything if he had not said she +was coming!" +</P> + +<P> +"Then you're alone, my dear?" +</P> + +<P> +She tossed her head. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I am, and that's why all the lamps are lighted." +</P> + +<P> +"Why, to be sure," cried I, "there might have been a man under the +bed;" but she was too polite to notice this, and I could see she was +very much afraid of sleeping alone in that strange house, and I don't +wonder at it. +</P> + +<P> +"I can walk up and down the front garden all night, if you like," said +I, "or maybe I could sleep on the drawing-room sofa, if you prefer it. +Is this the first time they have left you alone here?" +</P> + +<P> +She looked at me in surprise. +</P> + +<P> +"I was only engaged yesterday from the registry office in Marylebone. +This is a furnished house, and they have taken it for three months +certain. The gentleman comes from Edinburgh and the lady is an +American. They haven't got a cook yet, but hope to have one by +to-morrow. Whatever shall I do if they never come at all?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," says I, "try on her dresses and see how they suit you. Suppose +we get the basket in to begin with. Here's a chap coming who looks as +though he could lay out sixpence if he hadn't got a shilling; we'll +enlist him and then talk about supper afterwards. Is your name Susan, +by the way? The last nice girl I met was called Susan, and so I +thought——" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, don't be silly," says she; "my name's Betsy, and if you squeeze my +hand like that, some one will see you." +</P> + +<P> +I told her it must have been done in a moment of abstraction, and then +I hailed the "cab runner" who was loafing down the road; and, what with +him and a messenger boy in a hurry, we got the basket down and lifted +it into a big square hall and laid it almost at the foot of the +staircase, up which we should have to carry it presently. +</P> + +<P> +Somehow or other it seemed to me over-heavy for a clothes' basket; but +I said nothing about it at the time, and, telling Betsy I would return +in a minute, I went back to my car to turn off the petrol and see that +all was shipshape. When I entered the house again, and almost as soon +as I had shut the door, the queerest thing I can remember happened to +me. It was nothing less than this—that the girl, Betsy, came toward +me with her face as white as a sheet; and, before I could utter a +single word or ask her the ghost of a question, she just slipped +headlong through my arms and lay like a dead thing. +</P> + +<P> +Now, this was a nice position to be in and no mistake about it. The +girl limp and helpless in my arms, not a soul in the house, me not +knowing where to lay hands on a drop of brandy, to say nothing of a +glass of water, and, above all, the peculiar feeling that something not +over-pleasant must have frightened Betsy, and that it might frighten me +before many minutes had passed. Listening intently, I could not at +first hear a sound in all the house—but just when I was telling myself +not to be a fool, I heard, as plainly as ever I heard anything in my +life, a sigh as of some one groaning in pain; and at that I do believe +I dropped the girl clean on to the floor and made a dash into the +nearest room in a state of mind I should have been ashamed to confess +even to my own brother. +</P> + +<P> +What did it mean, who was playing tricks with us, and what was the +mystery? I looked round the apartment and made it out to be the +dining-room, plainly furnished, well lighted, but as empty of people as +Westminster Abbey at twelve o'clock of a Sunday night. A smaller room +to the right lay in darkness, but I found the switch and satisfied +myself in a moment that no one was hidden there; nor did a search in +every nook and cranny near by enlighten me further. What was even +worse was the fact that I could now hear the groaning very plainly; and +when I had stood a minute, with my heart beating like a steam pump and +my eyes half blinded with the shadows and the light, I discovered, just +in a flash, that whoever groaned was not in any room of the house, +neither in the hall nor upon the staircase, but in the very basket I +had just laid down and should have carried to the floor above before +many minutes had passed. +</P> + +<P> +I am not going to state here precisely what I thought or did when I +made that astonishing discovery, or just what I felt at the moment when +I tried to understand its significance. Perhaps I could not remember +half that happened even if I tried to do so. My clearest memory is of +a dark, silent street, and of me standing there, bare-headed, with a +fainting girl in my arms, and a civil old chap with white whiskers +asking again and again, "My good fellow, whatever is the matter and +what on earth are you doing here?" When I answered him it was to beg +him for God's sake to tell me the name of the nearest doctor—and at +that I remember he simply pointed to the house opposite and to a brass +plate upon its door. +</P> + +<P> +"I am Mr. Harrison, the surgeon," he said quickly; "I am just buying a +motor, and so I crossed the road to look at yours. Tell me what has +happened and what is the matter with the woman." +</P> + +<P> +I told him as quietly as I could. +</P> + +<P> +"God knows what it is—perhaps murder. The girl heard it and fainted. +She'll be all right in a minute if I can lay her down. I never thought +any woman weighed half as much. Anyway, she's coming to and that's +something—if you could call a policeman, sir." +</P> + +<P> +He was a self-possessed gentleman, I must say, and, looking up and down +the street, while I set the girl down on the footboard of the car, he +espied the little messenger boy who had helped us to carry the basket +into the house and sent him for a policeman. Betsy had opened her eyes +by this time, but all she could say had no meaning for me, nor was it +any clearer to him. When we had got her across to his surgery and left +her there, we returned to the house together, and as we went I tried to +tell him just what had happened and how I came to be mixed up in such a +strange affair. The story was still half told when we mounted the +steps of Bredfield and walked straight up to the basket which had +scared the girl out of her wits and left me wondering whether I was +awake or dreaming. Now, however, I had no doubt at all about the +matter, for whoever was under that lid was struggling pretty wildly to +get free, and would have broken the cords in another minute if the +doctor had not cut them. +</P> + +<P> +A couple of slashes with a lancet severed the stout rope with which my +"bundle" had been tied, and a third cut the bit of string which bound +the hasp to the wickerwork. I stepped back instinctively as the +gentleman raised the lid, and so, to be honest, did he—the same +thought, I am sure, being in both our heads and the belief that our own +lives might be in danger. When the truth was revealed, my first +impulse was to laugh aloud, my second to set off in my car without a +moment's loss of time, and try to lay by the heels the pair of villains +who had done this thing. +</P> + +<P> +In a word, I may tell you that the basket contained a young girl, +apparently not more than fifteen years of age; that she was dressed in +rags, though apparently a lady of condition, and that when we lifted +her out it appeared that her reason had gone and that her young life +might shortly follow it. +</P> + +<P> +I've been through some strange times in my life; had many a peep into +the next world, so to speak; seen men die quick and die slow—but for +real right-down astonishment and pity I shall never better that scene +in the Boundary Road, St. John's Wood, if I live as long as the +patriarchs. +</P> + +<P> +Just picture the brightly lighted hall and the open basket, and this +pretty little thing with yellow hair streaming over her shoulders and +her bare arms extended as though in entreaty toward the doctor and me, +and such cries upon her lips as though we, and not the men who had sent +her here, had been her would-be murderers. I tell you that I would +have sold my home to save her, and that's no idle word. Unhappily, I +could do nothing, and what I would have done the police forbade me to +do, for there were three of them in the room before five minutes had +passed; and I might be forgiven for saying that half the local force +was present inside half an hour. +</P> + +<P> +Well, you know what a policeman is when anything big turns up; how +there's a mighty fine note-book about two foot long to be produced, and +perhaps a drop of whisky and soda to whet his pencil, and then the +questions and the answers and what not—all the time the thief is +running hard down the back street and the gold watch is sticking out of +his boot. +</P> + +<P> +I answered perhaps a hundred and fifty questions that night, and nobody +any the wiser for them. Notes were taken of everything: the time I set +out, where my father was born, what they paid me for the job, the +address of the garage, Christian name and surname of Abraham +Moss—whether I'd had my licence endorsed or kept it clean—until at +last, able to stand it no longer, I told the inspector plainly that +this wasn't Colney Hatch, and the sooner he understood as much the +better. +</P> + +<P> +"Here's my car and there's the street," said I; "will you drive to +Richmond Road and see the house for yourself or will you not? I tell +you there were two of them, and one may be there now. You can prove it +for yourself or let it go, as you like. But don't say it wasn't talked +about or I shall know how to contradict you." +</P> + +<P> +He came down to ground at this and consented to go with me. We were +back again in the Richmond Road inside a quarter of an hour and +knocking at the door of the house where I had picked the basket up +about two minutes later. A very old woman opened to us this time, and +answered very civilly that the two strange gentlemen had left for the +Continent by the evening train, and she had no idea if they would +return or no. They had always paid her regularly, she said, though not +often at home; while as for their room, we could examine that with +pleasure. The more amazing confession came after, for when she was +pressed to tell us something about the young lady, she declared stoutly +that she had never seen one, and that the Messrs. Picton—for so she +called her lodgers—kept no female company, and very rarely had asked +even a gentleman to their rooms. +</P> + +<P> +The inspector listened to all she had to say and then made a formal +search of the house. It would be waste of time to insist that he found +nothing—not so much as a scrap of paper or an empty collar-box to +enlighten him; but he gave strict orders that no one was to enter the +men's room upon any pretext whatsoever; and when he had locked it and +pocketed the key, he made me drive him back to the Boundary Road and +then up to the hospital at Hampstead, to which the little girl had been +carried and where she was then lying. Naturally I had the <I>entrêe</I> as +well as he—for there were three or four swagger men from Scotland Yard +on the carpet by this time, and all of them mighty anxious to make my +acquaintance. From these I learned that the child was still incoherent +in her talk, and utterly unable to remember who she was or whence she +had come. Fright had paralysed her faculties. She might have been +born yesterday for all she knew about it. +</P> + +<P> +For my part, I had a strong desire to talk to the girl myself and put a +few questions which had come into my head while we were waiting; but +the police would have none of this, and the most they would permit me +to do was to look at her from the far end of the ward, which I did for +a long time, watching her face very closely, and wondering how +beautiful it was. +</P> + +<P> +When they sent me away at last I returned to the garage down West, and +so to my bed, but not to sleep. It must have been three o'clock of the +morning by this time, and I lay until I heard some noisy church-clock +striking seven, when I determined to stop there tossing about no +longer, but to get up and read the morning papers. Few of them, +however, had more than a brief paragraph announcing the fact, and we +had to wait for the "evenings" to discover the real sensation. My +word, how thick they laid it on—and what a hero they made of me. I +must have been interviewed a dozen times that day, and when the +following morning's papers came, I read for the first time that a +reward of five hundred pounds had been offered for the capture of the +perpetrators of this outrage, and that it would be paid by the Editor +of the <I>Daily Herald</I> on the day that the mystery was solved. +</P> + +<P> +Of course, there were many theories. Some believed it to be a case of +abduction pure and simple, some of revenge; a few recommended the +doctors to follow the poison clue and to ascertain if the child had +been drugged before she was put into the basket. +</P> + +<P> +Speaking for myself, I had an idea in my head, which I didn't mention +even to Betsy Chambers, whom it was necessary for me to see pretty +often about that time, and generally of evenings. This idea, I +suppose, would have knocked the Scotland Yard braves silly with +laughing; but I had no fancy to share five hundred with them—more +especially since they took seven fifteen off me at Kingston last Petty +Sessions—so I just kept a quiet tongue in my head and mentioned the +matter to nobody. Perhaps it was unfortunate I did not; I can't tell +you more than this, that the next ten days found me walking about Soho +as though I had a fancy to buy up the neighbourhood, and that on the +eleventh day precisely I found what I wanted—found it by what I might +have called a turn of Providence if I didn't know now it was something +very different. +</P> + +<P> +I should remind you hereabouts that the case was still the rage of the +town, though hope of bringing the would-be assassins to justice had +almost been abandoned. +</P> + +<P> +The little girl now began to remember her past in a dim sort of way, +and had told the police that she lived in a foreign country by the +sea—which was not the same as saying Southend-on-the-Mud by a long +way. Her father she recollected distinctly, and cried out for him very +often in her sleep. She did not seem to think she had a mother, and of +what happened in the Richmond Road her mind recalled nothing. I had +seen her twice; but she was so frightened when I went near her that the +police forbade me to go at all—and I do believe, upon my solemn word, +that if it hadn't been for the witnesses they would have said I had +something to do with the job myself. +</P> + +<P> +This, be sure, didn't trouble me at all. What was in my mind was the +five hundred sterling offered by the <I>Daily Herald</I> for the solution of +the mystery; and that sum I did not lose sight of night or day. To win +it I must discover the Yankee with the voice like a saw-mill, and the +little cove with the saucer eyes, and for these, upon an instinct which +I can hardly account for even to myself (save to say it was connected +with three days I spent in Paris eight months ago) I hunted Soho for +eleven days as other men hunt big game in Africa. And, will you +believe it, when I discovered one of them at last, it was not by my +eyes, but by his, for he spotted me at the very top of Wardour Street, +and, coming across the road, he slapped me on the shoulder, just as +though I had been his only brother let loose on society for the +especial purpose of shaking him by the hand. +</P> + +<P> +"Why," says he, "I guess it's the coachman." +</P> + +<P> +"Coachman be d——d," says I; "hasn't Pentonville taught you no better +manners than that? You be careful," says I, "or they'll be cancelling +your ticket-of-leave——" +</P> + +<P> +He wasn't to be affronted, for he continued to treat me as though he +loved me and life had been a misery since we lost each other. +</P> + +<P> +"Say," cried he, "you got through with the basket all right. Well, see +here, now; do you want to get that five hundred, Britten, or do you +not? I'll play the White Man with you—do you want to get it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," cried I, "if it's a matter of five hundred being put in the +cloak-room because there isn't a label on it——" +</P> + +<P> +"Then come along," he rejoined, and, taking me by the arm, he led me +along the street, turned sharp round to the right into a place that +looked like a disused coach-house; and before I could wink my eye, he +dragged me through a door into a room beyond, and then burst out +laughing fit to split. +</P> + +<P> +"Britten," says he, "you're fairly done down. I've got the cinch on +you, Britten. Don't you perceive that same?" +</P> + +<P> +Well, of all the fools! My head spun with the thought; not at first +the thought of fear, mind you, though fear followed right enough, but +just with the irony of it all, and the rightdown lunacy which sent me +into this trap as a fly goes into a spider's web. And this man would +suck me dry; I hadn't a doubt of it; a word might cost me my life. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," I rejoined, knowing that my safety depended upon my wits, "and +what if I am? Do you suppose I came here without letting Inspector +Melton know where I was coming? You'd better think it out, old chap. +There may be two at the corner and both on the wrong side. Don't you +make no mistake." +</P> + +<P> +He laughed very quietly, and as though to make his own words good he +put up the shutters on the only window the miserable den of a place +possessed. We were in a kind of twilight now, in a miserably furnished +shanty, with the paper peeling off the walls and the fire-grate all +rusted and the very boards broken beneath our feet. And I believed he +had a pistol in his pocket, and that he would use it if I so much as +lifted my hand. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," says he presently, and in a mocking tone which ran down my back +like cold water from a spout. "Oh, you're a brave boy, Britten, and +when you spread yourself about the tecs, I like you. Now, see here, +did I try to murder that girl or did I not? Fair question and fair +answer. Am I the man the police are looking for, or is it another?" +</P> + +<P> +I answered him straight out. +</P> + +<P> +"The pair of you are in it. You know that well enough—and the reward +is five hundred, to say nothing of what the police are offering." +</P> + +<P> +"You mean to have that reward, Britten." +</P> + +<P> +"If I can get it fairly, yes." +</P> + +<P> +"As good as to say you'll walk straight out of here and give me up?" +</P> + +<P> +"Unless you can tell me you didn't do it." +</P> + +<P> +He swung round on his heel and looked at me as savage as a devil out of +hell. +</P> + +<P> +"I did it, Britten—Barney, my mate, had nothing to do with it. Didn't +you see him sweat the night you picked us up? Barney's a tender-foot +at this game; he'll never cut a figure in the 'Calendar,' why, not if +he lives to be a chimpanzee in the human menagerie. Barney ought to be +holding forth in the tabernacle round the corner. Him do it—why, he +couldn't kill a calf." +</P> + +<P> +Well, I think I sat back and shuddered at this; anyway, an awful +feeling of horror came upon me, both at the man's word and at the +thought of my lonely situation, and of what must come afterwards. All +the calculations seemed against me. I am a strong man, and would have +stood up to this Yankee, fist to fist, for any sum you care to name; +but the pistol in his pocket, and the certainty that he would use it +upon any provocation, held me to my seat as though I were glued there. +And thus for five whole minutes, an eternity of time to me, I watched +him pace up and down the room, gloating upon his horrid work, and +wondering when my turn would come. +</P> + +<P> +"Britten," he said presently—and his voice had changed, I +thought—"Britten, would you like a whisky and soda?" +</P> + +<P> +"If it's only whisky and soda——" +</P> + +<P> +"What! You think I'm going to doctor it—same as I did Mabel's?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know to what you refer—but something of the kind was in my +head." +</P> + +<P> +It amused him finely—and I must say again that his attitude all +through was that of a man who could hardly keep from laughing whatever +he did, so that I came to think he must be little short of a raving +maniac, and that perhaps the Court would find him such. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," says he, "don't you fear, Britten, I shan't treat you that +way—you may drink my whisky all right, a barrelful if you can. When I +want to deal with you, Britten, it will be another way +altogether—cash, my boy; have you any objection to a little cash?" +</P> + +<P> +I opened my eyes wide, telling myself, for the second time, that he was +as certainly mad as any March hare in the picture-books; but I said +nothing, for he had turned to a little wooden cupboard near the +fireplace, and before he spoke again he set a bottle of whisky, a +syphon, and two tumblers on the table, and poured out a stiffish dose +for himself and its fellow for me. When I had watched him drink it, +and not before, I followed suit, and never did a man want a whisky and +soda as badly. +</P> + +<P> +"Your health," says he—I believe I wished him the same. "And little +Mabel Bellamy's——" +</P> + +<P> +I put the glass down on the table with a bang. +</P> + +<P> +"Good God!" said I, "not Mabel Bellamy that did the disappearing trick +at the Folies Bergères in Paris two years ago?" +</P> + +<P> +"The same," says he. +</P> + +<P> +"And you are telling me——" +</P> + +<P> +"That she was a very fine actress. Do you deny it, Mr. Britten?" +</P> + +<P> +I rose and buttoned my coat—but the black look was in his eyes again. +</P> + +<P> +"Britten," says he, "not in so much of a hurry, if you please. I am +going round to the <I>Daily Herald</I> this afternoon to get that five +hundred. You will sit here until I return, when I shall pay you fifty +of the best. Is it a bargain, Britten—have we the right to the money +or have you?" +</P> + +<P> +I thought upon it for a moment and could not deny the justice of it. +</P> + +<P> +"Do you mean to say you did it for an advertisement?" I cried. +</P> + +<P> +"The very same," says he, "and this night, Mabel's fond papa, the +gentleman with the big eyes, Britten, will go to Hampstead and take his +long-lost daughter to his breast. She makes her first appearance at +the Casino Theatre to-morrow night, Britten——" +</P> + +<P> +I rose and shook him by the hand. +</P> + +<P> +"Fifty of the best," said I, "and I'll wait for them here." +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +Well, I must say it was a tidy good notion, first for the pair of them +to work a trick like that on the public just for the sake of letting +all the world know that Mabel Bellamy was to disappear from a basket at +the Casino Theatre; and secondly, dropping on the <I>Daily Herald</I> for +five hundred of the best—and getting it, too, before the story got +wind. +</P> + +<P> +You see, the <I>Herald</I> lost no money, for they had a fine scoop all to +their little selves, while the other papers gnashed their teeth and +looked on. Nor was the whole truth told by a long way, but a garbled +version about foreign coves who worked the business and bolted, and a +doting father who never consented to it—and such a hash-up and +hocus-pocus as would have made a pig laugh. +</P> + +<P> +Whether, however, the public really took it all, or whether it resented +the manner of the play, is not for me to say. +</P> + +<P> +Sentiment is, after all, a very fine thing, as I told Betsy Chambers +the night I gave her the anchor brooch and asked her to wear it for +auld lang syne, to say nothing of the good time we had when I took her +to Maidenhead in old Moss's car and pretended I was broken down at +Reading with a dot-and-go-one accumulator. Of course, Moss weighed in +with an interview. I wonder the sight of his ugly old mug didn't +shrivel the paper it was printed on. +</P> + +<P> +Anyway me and Betsy—but that's another story, and so, perhaps, I had +better conclude. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap06"></A> + +<H4 ALIGN="center"> +VI +</H4> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE COUNTESS +</H3> + +<P> +To begin with, I suppose, it would be as well to tell you her name, but +I only saw it once in the address-book at the Ritz Hotel in Paris, and +then I couldn't have written it down for myself—no, not if a man had +offered me five of the best for doing so. +</P> + +<P> +You see, she gave it out that she came from foreign parts, and her +husband, when she remembered that she'd got one, was supposed to be a +Hungarian grandee with a name fit to crack walnuts, and a moustache +like an antelope's horns set over a firegrate to speak of her +ancestors. Had I been offered two guesses, I would have said that she +came from New York City and that her name was Mary. But who am I to +contradict a pretty woman in trouble, and what was the matter with +Maria Louise Theresa, and all the rest of it, as she set it down in the +visitors' book at the hotel? +</P> + +<P> +I'd been over to Paris on a job with a big French car, and worked there +a little while for James D. Higgs, the American tin-plate maker, who +was making things shine at the Ritz Hotel, and had a Panhard almost big +enough to take the chorus to Armenonville—which he did by sections, +showing neither fear nor favour, and being wonderful domesticated in +his tastes. +</P> + +<P> +When James was overtaken by the domestic emotions, and thought he would +return to Pittsburg to his sorrowing wife and children, he handed me +over to the Countess, saying that she was a particular friend of his, +and that if her ancestors didn't sail with the Conqueror it was +probably because they had an appointment at the Moulin Rouge and were +too gentlemanly to break it—which was his way of tipping me the wink; +and "Britten, my boy," says he, "keep her out of mischief, for you are +all she has got in this wicked world." +</P> + +<P> +Well, it was an eye-opener, I must say; for I hadn't seen her for more +than two minutes together, and when we did meet, I found her to be just +a jolly little American chassis, slim and shapely, and as full of "go" +as a schoolgirl on a roundabout. Her idea, she told me, was to drive a +Delahaye car she had hired, from Paris to Monte Carlo, and there to +meet her husband with the jaw-cracking name; whom, she assured me, with +the look of an angel in the blue picture, she hadn't seen for more than +two years. +</P> + +<P> +"Two years, Britten—sure and certain. Now what do you think of that?" +</P> + +<P> +"It would depend upon your husband, madame," said I; upon which she +laughed so loud they must have heard her in the garden below. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, to be sure," says she, "you've got there first time. It does +depend upon the husband, and mine is the kindest, gentlest, most +foolish creature that ever was in this world. So, you see, I am +determined not to be kept from him any longer." +</P> + +<P> +"Then, madame," said I, "we had better start at once." +</P> + +<P> +I thought that she hesitated, could have sworn that she was about to +admit me further into her confidence; but I suppose she considered the +time unsuited; and after asking me a few questions about the car, and +whether I knew the road and was a careful driver, she gave me +instructions to be at the hotel at nine o'clock on the following +morning. So away I went, telling myself that the world was a funny +place, and wondering what Herr Joseph, the jaw-cracker, would have to +say to his good lady when she did turn up at Montey and laid her new +beehive hat upon his doting bosom. +</P> + +<P> +This was no business of mine. I am a motor-driver, and two pound ten +on Saturday is my abiding anxiety. Give me my wages regular, and the +class of passenger who feels for the driver's palm at the journey's +end, and I'll ask nothing more of Providence. So on the following +morning, at nine sharp, I drove the big Delahaye round to the Ritz, and +by a quarter past her ladyship was aboard and we were making for Dijon +and the coast. +</P> + +<P> +No motorist who knows anything of the game will ask me to describe this +journey, or to tell him just where he should stop because of the dead +'uns of five hundred years ago, or where he should hurry on because of +the livestock of to-day. I had a fine car under me, a pretty woman in +the tonneau, a May-day to put life into me, and a road so fine that a +man might dream of it in his sleep. And if that's not what the +schoolmaster calls Eldorado, then I'll send him a halfpenny card to +find out just what is. +</P> + +<P> +So let it suffice to say that we went at our leisure—slept at Dijon +and at Lyons, were one night at Avignon, and two nights later at Nice. +If there was anything to remark during the journey, it was Madame's +growing anxiety as we approached the Mediterranean, and the number of +telegrams she sent to her friends whenever we chanced to halt—even in +the meanest villages. +</P> + +<P> +The telegrams I had the pleasure to read more than once as I handed +them over the counter; but those that were in German were no good to +me, and those that were in French I could but half decipher. None the +less, I got the impression that she was in a state of much distress and +perplexity, and that all her messages were to one end—namely, that she +should have the right to go somewhere at present forbidden her, and +that the Baron Albert, whoever he might be, should be interviewed on +her behalf and persuaded that she was a lady of all the virtues. +</P> + +<P> +A final telegram to an English gentleman at Vienna capped all, and was +not to be misunderstood. It simply said, "I shall publish the story if +they persevere." And that seemed to me an ugly threat to come from so +pretty a sender, though of its meaning I had no more knowledge than the +dead. +</P> + +<P> +Perhaps you will say that I was a poor sort to have been reading her +telegrams at all; that it didn't concern me; and that I was paid to +hold my tongue. Well, that is true enough, and Madame had little to +complain of on such a score, I must say. To all and sundry who +questioned me at the hotels, I just said she was the wife of a +Hungarian nobleman, and that she travelled for her pleasure. When we +arrived at Nice, and an impertinent policeman got me into a corner, so +to speak, and tried to put me through the catechism, I simply said, "No +speakee Frenchee—Mistress Americano," and at that he shook his head +and wrote it down in a note-book about as large as a grocer's ledger. +But I plainly perceived that something more than mere police curiosity +accounted for all this cross-examination; and when Madame sent for me +to her private sitting-room that night, I guessed immediately that +something was up, and that I was about to learn the nature of it. +</P> + +<P> +I shall always remember the occasion, as beautiful a night of a +Southern summer as a man could hap upon. Still and starry, the sea +without a ripple; the ships like black shapes against an azure sky; the +lights of the houses shining upon the moonlit gardens; the music of the +bands; the gay talk of the merry people—oh, who would go northward ho! +if Providence set him down on such a spot as this? And upon it all was +the picture of Madame herself—of that lady of the gazelle's eyes and +the milk-white skin, as she invited me into her sitting-room and asked +me to sit down while she talked. +</P> + +<P> +You could not have matched her for beauty in Nice; I doubt if you could +have done it nearer than Paris and the Ritz. Dressed in a lot of +fluffy stuff, with a pink satin skirt, and arms bare to the shoulders +and a chain of diamonds about her neck—dressed like this, and so sweet +and gracious in her manner, talking to me just as though she had known +me from infancy, and asking me, Lal Britten, to help her—why, you bet +I said "Yes," and said it so plainly that even she could not mistake me. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, Britten," says she, "do you know what has happened to-day?" +</P> + +<P> +"Couldn't guess it if I tried, madame," said I. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, then, I must tell you: they won't let me go to Monte Carlo, +Britten. They say the Emperor forbids it." +</P> + +<P> +"But, madame, is there any need to ask the old gentleman's permission? +Aren't you an American citizen?" +</P> + +<P> +She laughed at my idea of it, and asked me if I would like a glass of +port wine, which I did to oblige her; while she took another as though +she liked it, which I have no reason to suppose she did not. +</P> + +<P> +"You see, Britten," she said, presently, "a woman is of her husband's +nationality, and so, of course, I am a Hungarian. That is why the +Emperor has the power to say that I must not be admitted to Monte Carlo +just at the moment when my dear husband is waiting for me there. Now, +don't you think it is very hard upon us both?" +</P> + +<P> +"It's very hard on him, madame, seeing you are in the case. I should +want to know him before I said the same thing for you, asking your +pardon for the liberty." +</P> + +<P> +She took no notice of this, but casting up her eyes to heaven—and at +that game Miss Sarah Bernhardt out of Paris couldn't beat her—she +exclaimed: +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, my poor Joseph, whatever will he think of me? I dare not +contemplate it, Britten—I really dare not." +</P> + +<P> +"Then I should leave it alone, madame. Is there no way of getting this +decision altered?" +</P> + +<P> +"None that I can think of, unless——" +</P> + +<P> +"Unless what, madame?" +</P> + +<P> +She tapped the table with her pretty fingers, and poured me out a +second glass of port wine. +</P> + +<P> +"Unless the mountain will come to Mahomet—but I guess you don't know +what that means, Britten, now do you?" +</P> + +<P> +She screwed her lips up to the kissing point with this, and looked at +me so tenderly that I began to feel nervous—upon my word I did. +</P> + +<P> +"Do you mean that your husband must come here, madame?" +</P> + +<P> +"Of course I mean it, Britten. You must fetch him—by a trick. Now +wouldn't that be splendid—say, wouldn't it be fine? If we could +outwit them—if we could make the Emperor look foolish!" +</P> + +<P> +I rubbed my chin and thought about it. There isn't much modesty in my +profession, but the idea of getting up against a policeman so far from +my humble home somehow put the brake on, and I found myself misfiring +like one o'clock in spite of her pretty eyes and her red lips, and her +"take me in your arms and kiss me" look. The Croydon lot are bad +enough, but as for the beaks at Montey—well, I've heard tales of them +and to spare. +</P> + +<P> +"It would be fine, madame, if we could do it," said I at last; "but +between talking of it here in this hotel and crossing the frontier——" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," she cried, interrupting me almost angrily—and she has the devil +of a temper—"oh, there's no difficulty, Britten. Just drive to the +Hermitage after my husband has dined to-morrow night, and say that if +he wants the news of Madame Clara, you can take him where he will get +it. Don't you see, Clara is one of my pet names. He'll understand in +a moment, and you can drive him to this hotel. Are you afraid to do +that, Britten?" +</P> + +<P> +Of course I wasn't afraid, and she knew it. It was nothing to me +anyway, and I could always plead that I was her servant and an +Englishman, and didn't care a damn for this particular Emperor or any +other. None the less, if she hadn't smiled upon me as she did at that +particular moment—smiled like a daffy-down-dilly in April, and +squeezed my hand as soft as June roses, which the same appeared to be +done by accident, I might have left it alone, after all. As it was, I +had set off at seven o'clock on the following evening, and at a quarter +past nine I was asking at the Hermitage for Count Joseph, just as full +of the story I had to tell as a history-book of kings. +</P> + +<P> +A black and white <I>maître d'hôtel</I>, picked out with gold, replied to +this, and after talking to half a dozen waiters and sending for another +chap with a shirt-front like a Mercedes bonnet, they directed me to a +little hotel down by Monaco; and there the head waiter received me +quite affably, and said, "Certainly, the gentleman was at home." When +I had given my name, but not my business, I was ushered up, perhaps +after an interval of ten minutes, to a sitting-room on the first floor, +and there I found myself face to face with a fat, red-faced man in +evening dress; and if ever there was a martinet down Montey way, this +fine gentleman was that same. He was fat, I say, and forty—but to +write that he was fair would be impossible, for he hadn't more than +about half a dozen hairs on his head, and those had drifted down his +neck to get out of the wind. When I came in he appeared to be sipping +Cognac out of a long green bottle, and to be reading private papers +just as fast as he could get through them, but he looked up presently, +and a pair of wickeder eyes I do not want to see. +</P> + +<P> +"Who sent you here?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"A lady," said I. +</P> + +<P> +"Her name?" +</P> + +<P> +"Madame Clara." +</P> + +<P> +He turned and snuffed the wick of a candle standing on the table by his +side. From his manner I did not think him quite sober, but he appeared +to pull himself together by-and-by, and then he exclaimed: +</P> + +<P> +"Repeat your message." +</P> + +<P> +"I am to say that if you wish for news of Madame Clara, I can take you +where you will get it." +</P> + +<P> +Well, I thought that he smiled, though I cannot be quite sure of that. +Presently, however, he stood up without a word, and, going into his +bedroom, he brought a heavy fur coat and cap into the sitting-room, and +motioned me to help him on with them. When that was done, he opened +the door and invited me to precede him down the corridor. +</P> + +<P> +"I will see the lady," he said—and that was all. We were in the car +two minutes afterwards, making for Nice on the "fourth," and not a soul +to interfere with us or to do more than take a glance at our papers as +we passed the stations. Never had there been a lighter job; never had +a man helped a woman so easily. +</P> + +<P> +I thought about all this, be sure, as we drew near Nice and the end of +our game appeared to be at hand. The old women tell us not to count +our chickens before they are hatched, and that's a thing I am not in +the habit of doing; but the more I reflected upon it, the better +pleased did I feel with myself, and the greater was my wonder at the +lady's tastes. That such a pretty little woman, such a gay soul, such +a good judge of men—for she was a judge, I'll swear—that she should +have ever been in love with this sack of lard I was driving to +Nice—well, that did astonish me beyond measure; though it should not +have done so, knowing women as I do, and seeing how old Father Time +does stick his dirty fingers on our idols and make banshees of the best +of them. +</P> + +<P> +I say that I was astonished, but such a feeling soon gave place to +others; and when I brought up my car with a dash to the door of the +hotel, and the gold-laced porter helped the fat old gentleman out, +curiosity took the place of wonder. I became as anxious as a +parlourmaid at a keyhole to know what Madame would have to say to this +twenty-stone husband, and, what particular terms of endearment he would +choose for his reply. Certainly if pleasurable anticipation is to be +denoted by smiles, he found no fault with his present situation, for he +grinned like a gorilla when he got down, and, nodding to me quite +affably, he asked: +</P> + +<P> +"Upon which floor is Madame Clara staying, did you say?" +</P> + +<P> +"The third floor—number 113." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," says he, adjusting his glasses and turning round to go in, "that +is an unlucky number, my friend," and without another word he entered +the hotel and left me there. +</P> + +<P> +Of course, I didn't expect him to talk to me, was not looking for a tip +from Madame's own husband, but I had expected a question or two; and +when he had departed the porter and I stopped there gossiping a bit, +for it was likely that the car might be wanted again that night—and, +to be truthful, I more than half hoped that Madame would send for me. +</P> + +<P> +"What's up?" asks the porter—he passes for a foreigner, but I happen +to know he was born just off Soho. "What's up, matey?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why," says I, "that's just what I'd like to know myself. Can't you +tell the chambermaid at 113 to find out?" +</P> + +<P> +"The maid's off. Is that old cove licensed?" +</P> + +<P> +"All in order at Scotland Yard," says I. "He's took out a license to +drive, and his papers are passed. That's my missis' husband." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," he remarked, in a dreamy kind of way, "which one?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, the gentleman who just went in." +</P> + +<P> +"Poor soul!" says he, in a most aggravating manner, "how fast she do +lose 'em. I wonder who pays for the headstones?" +</P> + +<P> +"Do you know her?" asked I, for his words took me aback. +</P> + +<P> +He shook his head at this, and then scratched it as though he were +trying to think. +</P> + +<P> +"Larst time," he said presently, "larst time she dropped one or two at +Cannes, I'm thinking—— But, Lord love me, what's that?" +</P> + +<P> +He stepped back on the pavement and looked up to the window of the room +113. I had heard the shindy as well as he—a regular scream, as though +a woman was mad in her tantrums, and upon that a crash of glass and +silence—while the porter and me, we just stared at one another. +</P> + +<P> +"Votes for women!" says he, presently, and in so droll a way that I had +to laugh in spite of myself; but before I could answer him, what do you +think? Why, out come the old gentleman, just as calm and smiling as he +had been ten minutes ago. +</P> + +<P> +"You will drive me back to Monaco," he began. I asked him by whose +orders; but at that he looked like a devil incarnate, and spoke so loud +that I was right down frightened of him. +</P> + +<P> +"You will drive me back to Monaco or spend the night in prison!" he +shouted. "Now, which do you prefer?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," says I, "in you get!" And in he did get, as I'm a Dutchman, and +I drove him back to the hotel at Monaco—which was about the hour of +one in the morning, and no mistake at all. When he got out at last, no +babe in frocks could have looked more innocent, and he just handed me +up a couple of louis, like a father blessing his only son. +</P> + +<P> +"You drive very well, my lad. Where did you learn?" +</P> + +<P> +"On a good car, sir. Henri Fourtnier taught me about the time of the +second Gordon Bennett. But I don't suppose you remember that." +</P> + +<P> +"Certainly I remember it. The late Count Zborowski was one of my +friends. Let me give you a little piece of advice. It is better to +drive for a gentleman than a lady." +</P> + +<P> +"I beg your pardon, sir?" +</P> + +<P> +But he waved his hand with a flourish, and crying, "A bonny +arntarndure," or something of that kind, he disappeared into his hotel +and left me to think what I liked. And a lot I did think as I drove +back to Nice, I do assure you—for a rummier game I had never been +engaged in, and that's the truth, upon my word and honour. +</P> + +<P> +It was daylight when I reached the garage, and out of the question, of +course, to think of seeing Madame. Speaking for myself, I was too +dog-tired to ask if she wanted me or not; and going up to my bedroom, I +must have slept till nine o'clock without lifting an eyelid. At that +hour the boots waked me in a deuce of a stew, telling me that Madame +must see me without a moment's loss of time. I dressed anyhow and went +down to her. Poor little woman, what a state she was in! I don't +think I ever saw a sorrier picture in all my life. +</P> + +<P> +No fluffy stuff and fine pink satin now, but a shabby old morning gown +and her hair anyhow upon her shoulders, and in her eyes the look of a +woman who has been hunted and does not know where on God's earth she is +going to find a habitation. I've seen it twice in my life, and I never +want to see it again—for what man with a heart would wish to do so? +</P> + +<P> +"Britten," she says, almost like a play-actress on the stage of a +theatre, "Britten, do you know what happened last night?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well," says I, "for that matter lots of things happened; but if you're +speaking of the gentleman, your husband——" +</P> + +<P> +"My husband!"—you should have heard her laugh; it was just like one of +the animals at the Zoo—"my husband! That wasn't my husband! That was +the Baron Albert—the man I dread more than any one in the world. How +could you make such a mistake, Britten?" +</P> + +<P> +I shook my head. +</P> + +<P> +"Madame," says I, "I'm very sorry, but I took the first one that came +along and answered to the name. It must have been the head waiter's +fault." +</P> + +<P> +She clenched her hands and began to step up and down the room, wild +with perplexity. +</P> + +<P> +"It was all planned, Britten—all planned. They knew that I should +send for Count Joseph, and this villain came from Vienna to thwart me. +He must have bribed the servants at the hotel. And now, what do you +say to it? I am to be banished from France—he swears it. They have +written to Paris, and the decree may come at any moment. I am to be +banished, Britten—driven out like a common criminal! Oh, what shall I +do? My God, what shall I do?" +</P> + +<P> +That was a question I couldn't answer, but it did seem a wicked thing +to treat a woman so, and I wasn't ashamed to admit it. +</P> + +<P> +"Is there any law in France that can turn you out, madame?" I asked. +She answered that quickly enough. +</P> + +<P> +"Certainly there is, Britten. I know all about it. They can turn me +out at twenty-four hours' notice." +</P> + +<P> +"Why not go to the American Consulate, madame?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, you don't understand. If my husband were but here! Oh, they +would not insult me then—even if you were my husband, Britten." +</P> + +<P> +Upon my life and soul, I believe that she meant it. There was a look +in her eyes as she stood before me which, unless I'm the biggest fool +in Christendom, told me what was what plainly enough. A word, and I +could have taken that fine lady in my arms. I would swear to it. +</P> + +<P> +And what forbade me, you ask? Well, perhaps I'd heard a smash of glass +last night, and perhaps I hadn't; but I do believe it was that porter's +foolish remark about "votes for women" which put me off more than +anything else. So I drew back a step and answered her with more +respect than ever. +</P> + +<P> +"I'll see that nobody insults you while I am your servant, madame. If +I may make a suggestion, I would advise you to leave this town." +</P> + +<P> +She looked at me thoughtfully. +</P> + +<P> +"And where should I go, Britten?" +</P> + +<P> +"Back to Paris, madame—they won't interfere with you there." +</P> + +<P> +"But my husband—my dear husband?" +</P> + +<P> +I shrugged my shoulders. +</P> + +<P> +"Perhaps Mahomet will come to the—er—em—to you, madame." +</P> + +<P> +It was her turn to laugh; but I soon learned that my suggestion was no +good to her, and for a very simple reason. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," she said, "men are strange creatures, Britten. When we will, +they will not; and when we will not, why, then they give us jewellery. +I can't go back to Paris. If I do, a police officer goes with me." +</P> + +<P> +"Take him on the box and call him a footman—unless you prefer to make +for London right away, madame." +</P> + +<P> +She was emphatic about this. +</P> + +<P> +"I can't, Britten! I must stay in Paris. It is my last chance of +seeing Count Joseph before he returns to Vienna for the summer. Oh, is +there no way? Is it quite impossible?" +</P> + +<P> +I scratched my head. Something had been inside it for some minutes. +</P> + +<P> +"Would you care to sit on the box beside me, madame?" +</P> + +<P> +She was all ears at this. +</P> + +<P> +"Of course I wouldn't mind. Have I not myself driven a car? Count +Mendez taught me at Cannes last year." +</P> + +<P> +"Could you drive this car a little way on the road to Italy?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, certainly I could. But how would that help us?" +</P> + +<P> +"Supposing," said I, "that you didn't mind my old mackintosh, madame. +I've got that, and a leather cap I keep for the cold weather. If you +would put them on and sit beside me, I think we might do it. You can +drive if there's any necessity to do so." +</P> + +<P> +She clapped her hands so loud that I thought they would hear us on the +Promenade des Anglais below. +</P> + +<P> +"I'll do it, Britten—as I'm a living woman I'll do it. Go and bring +your clothes. We may not have an hour to spare. I'll cheat them yet, +Britten. Oh, you clever man—you clever man to have thought of it." +</P> + +<P> +"We might start at dusk, madame. Pay your bill, and give it out that +we are going into Italy this afternoon. You needn't come back. I'll +find you a private room next door to the garage, where you can change, +and we can set off just like two drivers on the box-seat, and nobody a +penny the wiser. When you get to Paris I can take you to a little +hotel——" +</P> + +<P> +She was like a child about it. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, of all the clever men! You shall look after me in Paris. I +won't forget you, Britten, and I'm rich enough for anything—at +present. You shall stop with me until Count Joseph comes——" +</P> + +<P> +I thought to myself that it would be an over-long engagement in that +case; but there was no call to say anything of the kind to her, and +stopping only to repeat my directions, I went round to the garage and +made ready. If Madame herself was excited at the prospect of giving +the fat man the go-by, I was no less; and I assure you that no boy's +game I had ever played excited me half as much. Best of all was the +thought that our quickness would forestall them; and if the authorities +did decide to expel her, we should be on the road to Paris long before +the edict arrived. +</P> + +<P> +As to what might happen afterwards, I was indifferent; for Paris is the +same as London to a proper motor-man, and I am just as much at home in +the Champs Elysêes as in Regent Street. So I left that to fortune, +and, setting about the plan, I had my things packed and the car made +ready under an hour, and at four o'clock sharp that afternoon I picked +up Madame and her trunks at the door of the hotel and set off boldly as +though to drive her to the Italian frontier. But I turned back before +we had gone a mile, and making straight for the little Italian hotel +next door to the garage, I smuggled her in without a soul being the +wiser, and out again as cleverly just after dusk. She was dressed then +just as I have told you—mackintosh up to her ears and a flat leather +cap, suiting her pretty face to perfection. But any fool could have +seen she was a woman twenty yards away; and I began to ask which was +the bigger idiot—me for making the suggestion, or she for taking it? +It was too late, however, to think of that, and trusting that good luck +might pull us through, perhaps looking on the whole affair as one which +was pretty near its end—and that no good end—I let the car go and +made straight for Brignoles. +</P> + +<P> +Quite what apprehension of danger was in her head or mine I really +don't know. Sometimes I think that she had a silly notion of what the +French prefect might have done to her, exaggerating, as women will, the +real situation, and dreadfully frightened of "foreigners." +</P> + +<P> +For myself, I wanted to get her back to Paris in spite of the attempt +to stop us; perhaps I wanted to be even with the red-faced man, who had +ordered me about last night; but whichever way it was, I could have +laughed fit to split every time I looked at that odd little bundle by +my side and thought of it as it was last night, all dressed in flummery +and rustling like the leaves. Nevertheless, I made no mention of it; +and, as much to her surprise as mine, we passed through Frejus without +any one stopping us, and drove right through the night without let or +hindrance. Not until dawn did I begin to ask myself some +questions—and they were awkward ones. What the devil was I going to +do with her in the towns? Why had I never thought of it? She was +wearing my long mackintosh, to be sure; but who would fail to recognise +her, and what would the talk be like? +</P> + +<P> +A hundred difficulties, not one of which I had had the brains to think +of last night, kept popping up like midgets in a puppet-show; and, as +though to crown them all, bang went the near-side back tyre at that +very moment, and there we were by the roadside, at five in the morning, +in as desolate a place as you want to find, and not the sign of house +or village wherever the eye might turn. +</P> + +<P> +Now Madame had been nearly asleep upon my shoulder when this happened, +but she woke up at the report and looked up all about her as though she +had been dreaming. +</P> + +<P> +"Where are we, Britten?" she asked. "What has happened to us?" +</P> + +<P> +"Tyre gone, madame. I must trouble you to get down." +</P> + +<P> +She woke up at this, and got out immediately. I could see that she was +more clear-headed than she had been last night, if not less frightened. +</P> + +<P> +"This was a very foolish thing to do, Britten. We are sure to be +followed." +</P> + +<P> +"That's as it may be, madame. I fear it's too late to think of it now. +My business is to get this tyre fixed up." +</P> + +<P> +"Will it take you very long, Britten?" +</P> + +<P> +"Thirty minutes ordinary. But it's a new cover and stiff—I'll say +forty." +</P> + +<P> +"Then I'll see to the breakfast. Wasn't it clever of me to think of +it? I've brought a Thermos and a basket. We'll have breakfast in the +little wood on the hillside. If no one follows us, I can be myself +again at Aix, and we shall get to Paris, after all. But oh, Britten, I +must look an object in your clothes. Why ever did you ask me to wear +them?" +</P> + +<P> +I made a dry answer. A man wrestling with a 935 by 135 cover isn't +exactly in the mood to compliment a woman on her frippery or talk about +the mountains. And I'm no more than human, all said and done, and the +sight of the food she took out of the basket made me feel well-nigh +desperate. So I turned my back upon her, and she went off to the copse +to prepare breakfast as she had promised. Not five minutes afterwards +I heard the hum of another car in the distance, and, looking up from my +wheel, I saw a great red Mercedes coming down the hillside like a racer +at Brooklands. +</P> + +<P> +I knew that we were in for it; instinct told me immediately that we had +been followed from Frejus or Nice, and that danger was aboard that +flyer, and would be up with us in less than two minutes. What to do, +whether to shout to Madame to run and hide herself—to do that or just +go on with my work as though nothing had happened was a problem to make +a man half silly. But in the end I held on tenaciously, and when the +big car drew up beside me, I merely looked up and nodded to the driver +as though to signal to him that all was well. +</P> + +<P> +"Bon jour," says he. +</P> + +<P> +"Morning," says I. +</P> + +<P> +"Vous-êtes en panne, mon ami?" +</P> + +<P> +"Hit it first time," says I—for those words are understood by every +motor-man who's been in the Riviera—"in the pan and the grease +together. Where are you for?" +</P> + +<P> +"Brignoles et Paris. Mais où donc est Madame?" +</P> + +<P> +I looked up, my heart beating fast, and took a peep into his tonneau. +The red-faced man was there right enough, but as fast asleep as a +parson over his empty port-wine glass. Could I persuade this bonny +Frenchman to get on with his job, we were half out of the wood sure and +certain. But could I? Lord, how my hands shook when I replied: +</P> + +<P> +"Madame est allé dans le train—Paree—Calais—moi je suis seul"—which +was rather good, I thought, though that was not the time to say so. +</P> + +<P> +Well, it seemed successful enough. The Frenchee took a look to the +right and a look to the left of him, opened his throttle as though to +let in his clutch and closed it again, took off his side brake, and +then, just when I was pluming myself that we were through, what do you +think the fool does? Why, turns deliberately round and wakes the +red-faced Baron. +</P> + +<P> +What passed between them I don't pretend to say, for the French went to +and fro like lightning between summer clouds. But of this I am +certain: that there never was such a devilish smile as the old Baron +turned on me when he got down from the tonneau and took a swift survey +of the scene as though sure already of his quarry. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," he cried, "here is our faithful friend once more. Good-day, Mr. +Britten. I hope I see you well?" +</P> + +<P> +"You see me next door to the devil," said I—for out here on the +mountain side I didn't care a dump for him. Bluff, however, went for +nothing that morning. I had met my match, and I knew it. +</P> + +<P> +"Britten," says he, taking a big cigar from a case and lighting it with +provoking deliberation. "Shall we make a truce, Britten?" +</P> + +<P> +"Make what you like," says I. "This car has got to get to Paris to +fetch my mistress. If a truce will do it, I'm taking some, right here." +</P> + +<P> +He smiled again, but so softly that I could have hit him. +</P> + +<P> +"Where is she hiding, Britten?" he asked, almost in a whisper. "Where +has that very pretty lady chosen to conceal her charms? Come, tell me, +my lad, and I'll give you five louis. What is the good of being so +foolish?" +</P> + +<P> +I didn't answer a word, and he took another look all round the hills. +Luckily, if there was one coppice, there were twenty in that gorge, and +when I saw him walking away to the wrong one, I thought I should burst +out laughing on the spot. That, I am glad to say, I did not do; but +calmly going on with my work, I had the new cover in presently and was +ready to make a start. From that moment the drollery of the +situation—for it was droll, as I live—began in dead earnest, and +lasted right through a hot summer's day—until dusk came down, in fact, +and the issue was over for good and all. +</P> + +<P> +Can't you imagine just what happened, and see the irony of it all? +Depict a great open chasm between the hills, little copses of pines +everywhere, and more than one thicket; a white road winding through the +valley, and two cars stuck up on that same. +</P> + +<P> +Say that there was a fat Baron trotting to and fro like a dog hunting +for rabbits; put down two tired and hungry chauffeurs, famished for +want of meat and cursing their fate; do this, and add that they swore +at both the sexes indifferently, and you'll have the thing to a tick. +But I assure you that it's pleasanter to read about than to suffer; and +any driver would admit as much. +</P> + +<P> +Good Lord, what a day it was! The fat Baron, I should tell you, did +not give up the hunt until near twelve o'clock; but when he had +searched every thicket within a mile or more, he came back to us and +deliberately made himself comfortable inside his car. As for me, I did +not dare to move a step either way. If I had gone on, it would have +been to have left Madame in the woods; while if I stayed, he +stayed—and there you had it. And this game went on till dusk, mind +you, and would have gone on longer but for the instinct which came to +me quite suddenly like a thought dropped from the skies: that her +ladyship had given us both the slip, after all, and would be already +where the Baron Albert could not find her. This idea growing to an +unalterable conviction decided me at last. I started my engine, +mounted my box-seat, and without a word to either of them drove +straight away to Brignoles—thence, without a question from any one, to +Paris and my master. +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +It would have been three months afterwards that I received a letter +from Madame, addressed from the yacht <I>Mostar</I>, then in Norwegian +waters. She sent me ten pounds for myself, and after telling me that +she was cruising with Baron Albert and his sister—a piece of news +which fairly took my breath away—she went on to remark that the train +service from Brignoles to Aix is excellent, but that she preferred not +to make the journey in a leather cap and a mackintosh. +</P> + +<P> +So, you see, I guessed in a moment that she had slipped away to +Brignoles while we were talking about her that morning, and just taken +the early express to Aix without a word to anybody. We had been but +three kilometres from the town when the tyre burst, and so the journey +could hardly have fatigued her. +</P> + +<P> +As for her husband, the so-called Count Joseph, I heard in Paris +afterwards that he wasn't her husband at all, but a rich young +Hungarian noble she was trying desperately hard to marry. The Count +Albert had been sent to Monte Carlo by the young man's people to +protect him from this ambitious lady, and right well he appears to have +done the business, for he must have found her in Paris afterwards and +offered her the hospitality of his yacht. +</P> + +<P> +I hope his sister was on board; I do indeed hope so. +</P> + +<P> +But this is a rum world—and Lord, the scandal that some people will +think of makes me quite unhappy sometimes. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR><BR> + +<HR> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<CENTER> +<IMG SRC="images/img-cat-1.jpg" ALT="Book catalog 1" BORDER="2" WIDTH="340" HEIGHT="533"> +</CENTER> + +<BR> + +<CENTER> +<IMG SRC="images/img-cat-2.jpg" ALT="Book catalog 2" BORDER="2" WIDTH="340" HEIGHT="533"> +</CENTER> + +<BR> + +<CENTER> +<IMG SRC="images/img-cat-3.jpg" ALT="Book catalog 3" BORDER="2" WIDTH="340" HEIGHT="533"> +</CENTER> + +<BR> + +<CENTER> +<IMG SRC="images/img-cat-4.jpg" ALT="Book catalog 4" BORDER="2" WIDTH="340" HEIGHT="533"> +</CENTER> + +<BR> + +<CENTER> +<IMG SRC="images/img-cat-5.jpg" ALT="Book catalog 5" BORDER="2" WIDTH="340" HEIGHT="533"> +</CENTER> + +<BR> + +<CENTER> +<IMG SRC="images/img-cat-6.jpg" ALT="Book catalog 6" BORDER="2" WIDTH="340" HEIGHT="533"> +</CENTER> + +<BR> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Man Who Drove the Car, by Max Pemberton + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MAN WHO DROVE THE CAR *** + +***** This file should be named 28595-h.htm or 28595-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/8/5/9/28595/ + +Produced by Al Haines + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Man Who Drove the Car + +Author: Max Pemberton + +Release Date: April 23, 2009 [EBook #28595] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MAN WHO DROVE THE CAR *** + + + + +Produced by Al Haines + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Cover art] + + + + + +THE MAN WHO + +DROVE THE CAR + + +BY + +MAX PEMBERTON + + + +AUTHOR OF + +"THE GIRL WITH THE RED HAIR" + +"THE IRON PIRATE" ETC. + + + + +LONDON + +EVELEIGH NASH + +FAWSIDE HOUSE + +1910 + + + + +Printed by BALLANTYNE & Co. LIMITED + +Tavistock Street, Coven Garden, London + + + + +CONTENTS + + I. THE ROOM IN BLACK + II. THE SILVER WEDDING + III. IN ACCOUNT WITH DOLLY ST. JOHN + IV. THE LADY WHO LOOKED ON + V. THE BASKET IN THE BOUNDARY ROAD + VI. THE COUNTESS + + + + +I + +THE ROOM IN BLACK + +They say that every man should have a master, but, for my part, I +prefer a mistress. Give me a nice young woman with plenty of money in +her pocket, and a bit of taste for seeing life, and I'll leave you all +the prying "amatoors" that ever sniffed about a gear-box without +knowing what was inside that same. + +I have driven plenty of pretty girls in my life; but I don't know that +the prettiest wasn't Fauny Dartel, of the Apollo. This story isn't +about her--except in a way--so it doesn't much matter; but when I first +knew Fauny she was getting thirty bob a week in "The Boys of Boulogne," +and, as she paid me three pound ten every Saturday, and the car cost +her some four hundred per annum to run, she must have been of a saving +disposition. Certainly a better mistress no man wants--not Lal +Britten, which is yours truly. I drove her for five months, and never +had a word with her. Then a man, who said he was a bailiff, came and +took her car away, and there was no money for me on the Saturday. So I +suppose she married into the peerage. + +My story isn't about Fauny Dartel, though it's got to do with her. +It's about a man who didn't know who he was--at least, he said so--and +couldn't tell you why he did it. We picked him up outside the Carlton +Hotel, Fauny and me,[1] three nights before "The Boys of Boulogne" went +into the country, and "The Girls" from some other shop took their +place. She was going to sup with her brother, I remember--astonishing +how many brothers she had, too--and I was to return to the mews off +Lancaster Gate, when, just as I had set her down and was about to drive +away, up comes a jolly-looking man in a fine fur coat and an opera hat, +and asks me if I was a taxi. Lord, how I stared at him! + +"Taxi yourself," says I, "and what asylum have you escaped out of?" + +"Oh, come, come," says he, "don't be huffy. I only wanted to go as far +as Portman Square." + +"Then call a furniture van," says I, "and perhaps they'll get you +aboard." + +My dander was up, I tell you, for I was on the box of as pretty a +Daimler landaulette as ever came out of Coventry, and if there's +anything I never want to be, it's the driver of a pillar-box with a +flag in his left ear. No doubt I should have said much more to the +gentleman, when what do you think happens--why, Fauny herself comes up +and tells me to take him. + +"I'm sure we should like some one to do the same for us if no taxis +were about," says she very sweetly; "please take the gentleman, +Britten, and then you can go home." + +Well, I sat there as amazed a man as any in the Haymarket. It's true +there weren't any taxis on the rank at the minute; but he could have +got one by walking a hundred yards along Trafalgar Square, and she must +have known it as well as he did. All the same, she smiled sweetly at +him and he at her--and then, with a tremendous sweep of his hat, he +makes a gallant speech to her. + +"I am under a thousand obligations," says he; "really, I couldn't +intrude." + +"Oh, get in and go off," says she, almost pushing him. "I shall lose +my supper if you don't." + +He obeyed her immediately, and away we went. You will remember that +his talk had been of a house in Portman Square; but no sooner had I +turned the corner by the Criterion than he began speaking through the +tube, and telling me to go to Playford's in Berkeley Square. There he +stopped, notwithstanding that it was getting on for twelve o'clock; and +when he had rung the bell and entered the house, I had to wait a good +fifteen minutes before he was ready for the second stage. + +"Is it Portman Square now?" I asked him. He laughed and slipped a +sovereign into my hand. + +"I can see you're one of the right sort," he said. "Would you mind +running round to the King's Road, Chelsea, for ten minutes? Perhaps +there'll be another sovereign before we get to bed to-night." + +I pocketed the money--you don't find many drivers who are long off the +fourth speed in that line, and Lal Britten is no exception. As for the +gentleman, he did seem a merry fellow, and his air was that of a Duke +all over--the kind of man who says "Do it," and finds you there every +time. We were round at the King's Road, Chelsea, perhaps a quarter of +an hour after he had spoken, and there we stopped at the door of a lot +of studios, which I have been told since are where some of the great +painters of the country keep their pictures. Here my friend was gone +perhaps twenty minutes, and when next I saw him he had three flash-up +ladies with him, and every one as classy as he was. + +"Relations of mine," says he, as he pushes 'em into the landaulette, +and closes the door himself. "Now you may drive to Portman Square just +as fast as you please, for I'm an early bird myself, and don't approve +of late hours." + +Well, I stared, be sure of it, though staring didn't fit that riddle, +not by a long way. My mistress had lent her landaulette to a stranger; +but I felt sure that she wouldn't have liked this sort of thing--and +yet, remember, the gentleman had told me to drive to Portman Square, so +there could not be much the matter, after all. + +As for the ladies, it wasn't for me to quarrel with them. They were +all very well dressed, and behaved themselves perfectly. I came to the +conclusion that I was dealing with some rich man who had a bee in his +bonnet, and, my curiosity getting the better of me, I drove away to +Portman Square without as much as a word. + +Now, this would have been some time after twelve o'clock. It was, I +think, a quarter to one when we turned into Portman Square, and he +began to work the signal on the driver's seat which tells you whether +you are to go to the right or the left, slow or easy, out or home +again. All sorts of contradictory orders baffling me, we drew up at +last before a big house on the Oxford Street side, and this, to my +astonishment, had a "To Let" board in the window, and another at the +pillar of the front door. What was even more astonishing was the fact +that this empty house--for I saw at a glance it was that--was just +lighted up from cellar to attic, while there was as many as three +furniture vans drawn up against the pavement, and sending in their +contents as fast as a dozen men could carry them. All this, mind you, +I took in at a glance. No time was given me to think about it, for the +stranger was out of the car in a jiffy and had given me my instructions +in two. + +"Here's your sovereign," says he; "if you want to earn ten times as +many come back for me at four o'clock--or, better still, stay and give +'em a hand inside. We want all the help we can get to-night, and no +mistake about it. You can get your supper here, and bring that car +round when I'm ready." + +Well, I didn't know what to do. My mistress had said nothing about +stopping up until four o'clock--but for that matter she hadn't +mentioned ten pounds sterling either--and here was this merry gentleman +talking about it glibly enough. + +For my part the fun of the whole thing began to take hold of me, and I +determined to see it through whatever the cost. There were goings on +in Portman Square, and no mistake about it--and why should Lal Britten +be left out in the cold? Not much, I can tell you. And I had the car +away in the garage off the Edgware Road, and was back at the old +gentleman's house just about as quick as any driver could have made the +journey. + +There I found the square half full of people. Three policemen stood at +the door of the house, and a pretty crowd of loafers, such as a party +in London can always bring together, watched the fun, although they +couldn't make much of it. Asking what the hullabaloo was about, a +fellow told me that Lord Crossborough had come up from the country +suddenly, and was "a-keeping of his jubilee" at No. 20B. + +"Half the Gaiety's there, to say nothing of the Merry Widow," says he, +as I pushed past him, "and don't you be in a hurry, guv'nor, 'cause +you've forgotten yer diamond collar. They won't say nothink up there, +not if you was to go in a billycock 'at and a duster, s'welp me, they +wouldn't----" But I didn't listen to him, and going up the front door +steps by the policemen, I told them I was Lord Crossborough's driver, +and passed right in. + +Now I have been through many funny scenes in my life, seen many funny +gentlemen, to say nothing of funny ladies, and have had many a good +time on many a good car. But this I shall say at once, that I never +got a greater surprise than when I got back to 20B, and found myself in +the empty hall among twenty or thirty pairs of yellow breeches and as +many cooks in white aprons, all pushing and shouting, and swearing that +the area gate was locked and bolted, and the kitchen in no fit state to +serve supper to a dog. + +Upstairs on the landings men in white aprons were carrying plants in +pots, and building up banks of roses; while higher up still stood Lord +Crossborough himself--the gentleman I had driven from the +Carlton--shouting to them to do this and to do that, smoking a cigar as +long as your arm, and all the time as merry as a two-year-old at a +morning gallop. + +As for the young ladies, they had taken off their cloaks, and all wore +pretty gowns, same as they would wear for any party in that part of the +world, and they were standing by his lordship's side, apparently just +as much amused as he was. What astonished me in particular was this +nobleman's affability towards me, for he cried out directly he saw me, +and implored me for heaven's sake to get the padlock off the area gate, +or, says he, "I'm d--d if they won't be cooking the ducks in the +drawing-room." + +I was only too ready to oblige him, that goes without saying, though I +had to run round to the garage for a file and a chisel, and when I got +back for the second time, it took me twenty minutes to get off the +padlock, after which they sent me upstairs, as they said, "to help with +the flats." Then I discovered that a play, or something, was to be +given in the drawing-room, the back part of which was full of scenery, +showing a castle on the top of a precipice and a view of the Thames +Embankment just below it, while away in the small library on the other +side of the staircase stood twenty or thirty ballet girls, just come +from one of the West End theatres. + +Immediately after they had arrived, a number of fiddlers came tumbling +up the stairs, and the fun began in earnest. A proper gentleman, who +seemed to know what he was talking about, though, to be sure, he did +call all the ladies his "darlings," started to put 'em through their +paces. I saw one of our leading musical ladies coming down the stairs +from the rooms above, and presently a lot of guests arrived from the +hall below, and went into the great drawing-room, where the audience +was to sit. "After all," says I, "this is just his lordship's bit of +fun--he's giving one of those impromptu parties we've heard so much +about, and this play-acting is the surprise of it." You shall see +presently how very wrong I was. + +Well, the play went merry enough, as it should have done, seeing it was +performed by people who have to make their living by plays. When it +was over, his lordship gets up and says something about their having +supper, not in the English way but the French, same as they do at the +Catsare[2] in Paris. This pleased them all very much, and I could see +that the most part of them were not real ladies and gentlemen at all, +but riff-raff Bohemian stuff out for a spree, and determined to have +one. The supper itself was the most amusing affair you ever saw; for +what must they do but flop down on the floor just where they stood, not +minding the bare boards at all, and eat cold chicken and twist rolls +from paper bags the footman threw to them. As for the liquor, you +would have thought they never could have enough of it--but it's not for +me to say anything about that, seeing I had a bottle of the best to +myself down in the corner by the conservatory, and more than one paper +bag when the first was empty. + +Now, this supper occupied them until nearly three in the morning. I +make out--as I had to do to the police--that it was just a quarter past +three when the real business began, and a pretty frightening business, +as my sequel will show. First it began with the sweepers, who swept up +the wreck of the vittals with long brooms, and sprinkled scented water +afterwards to lay the dust. Then the musicians played a mournful sort +of tune, and after that, what do you think?--why, in came a number of +stage carpenters, who began to hang the whole place with black. + +I have told you already that it was an empty house and not a stick of +furniture in it, save what we carried there--so you will see that all +this affair must have been arranged a long time before, for the black +hangings were all made to fit the room, and upon them they hung black +candlesticks with yellow candles in them--as melancholy as those used +for a funeral, and just the same kind, so far as I could see. This +interested the company very much. I could hear all sorts of remarks +from the riff-raff who were making love on the stairs; and presently +they all crowded into the room and listened to Lord Crossborough while +he made them a speech. + +Let me confess that what I know about this speech I learned chiefly +from the newspapers. His lordship spoke of his family affairs, and +spoke of them in a way that might very well astonish the company. + +To begin with, he mentioned his own eccentricities during the last five +months, when, as he reminded them, he had retired from public life and +gone down to Hertfordshire to found an academy where, with a few +convivials, he might study Latin and Greek and forget the high old time +he had had in London formerly. + +This, he said, had been a pretty slow business, and quite given him the +jumps. He began to find himself sighing for the old days. Plato and +Socrates were fine old boys, but he preferred "The Boys of Boulogne" at +the Apollo, and no mistake about it. So he had given up keeping house +with Plato and the other gentleman, and was going over to France, when +he discovered Captain Blackham's adventure with Jenny Frobisher of the +Opera House, and wanted to know more about it. Did they think he would +put up with that? Not for a minute, and, seeing that you can't get law +in such affairs in this country, he meant to do his own law-making. +That very night he had asked Captain Blackham to come to this house +that they might meet and have it out like gentlemen should do. One of +them would not return--he left it to the company to bear witness that +all was done squarely as between men of honour, and he begged them to +keep his confidence. It was then half-past three. They might expect +the Captain in ten minutes, during which time he would make his +preparations. He was sure they would never betray him. + +You may imagine the excitement this speech gave rise to. I was at the +bottom of the stairs at the time, and I could hear the women crying out +to each other, and the men asking what it all meant. Such a confusion +and babel I shall never listen to again in any house. What with some +running downstairs and calling for their carriages, the band playing, +his lordship bawling for his servants--and, upon all this, the sudden +arrival of the Captain, who carried a pair of swords in his hand--why, +no madhouse could have matched it. + +Well enough, I say, for Lord Crossborough to ask people not to betray +him; but what woman could hold her tongue under such circumstances, and +how did he think that such a game could be played and the police hear +nothing of it? Why, I tell you that half a dozen girls were bawling +"Murder!" before five minutes were past, and as many more imploring the +police outside to step up and stop it. For myself I made no bones +about the matter; and, not wishing to appear in a police court next +day, and thinking certainly that Lord Crossborough was as mad as any +first-floor tenant of Hanwell, I pushed my way through the press and +went off to the garage. Ten pound or no ten pound, I was for bed. +Will you ask me if I was surprised when, going up to the car, the very +first person I met was his lordship, with a cigar about seven inches +long in his mouth, and as pretty a smile above his long black beard as +I have seen this many a day. + +"Well, my boy," says he, opening the door quite calmly and stepping +inside with no more concern than if I had just driven him from the +Carlton to Hyde Park Corner, "well, now I think we shall soon have +earned that extra ten-pound note. The next house is in +Hertfordshire--three miles from Potter's Bar, on the road to Five +Corners. Do you happen to know it, by the way?" + +I could hardly answer him for amazement. + +"But what about the Captain, sir," cried I. + +"Oh," says he, "the Captain will never trouble me again. Now get up +and make haste. Is your back lamp all right? That's good--I +particularly wish all the policemen to get our number. Go right ahead +and stop for no one. It's a big house, I am told, and we cannot miss +it." + +"But," cried I, "isn't it your lordship's house?" + +He laughed, the merriest laugh in all the world. + +"I was never there in my life," says he; "now get on, for heaven's +sake, or you'll have the morning here." + +I hadn't a word for this, and, wondering whether I had gone dotty or +he, I let the Daimler out and drove straight up Baker Street, through +the Park and out on to the Finchley Road. The police have eyes all +round their heads for this track as a rule, but never a policeman do I +remember seeing that night, and we travelled forty-five an hour after +Barnet if we travelled a mile. + +My directions, you will remember, had been to go straight through +Potter's Bar, and then on to a place called Five Corners--a locality I +had never heard of, well as I know Hertfordshire and the roads round +about. This I told his lordship as we slowed up in the village, and +his answer was surprising, for he told me to go to the police station +and to ask there. So I slowed up in Potter's Bar, and, seeing a +policeman, I asked him to direct me. + +"Keep to the right and turn to the right again," says he, staring hard +at his lordship and at me. "That's Lord Crossborough's house, isn't +it?" + +"Why, yes," says I, naturally enough, "and it's his lordship I am +driving." + +He nodded pleasantly at this, and his lordship putting his head out of +the window at the moment, he spoke to him direct. + +"Rather late to-night, my lord." + +"Yes, yes, very late, and a driver who doesn't know the road. I am +much obliged to you, constable. Tell him how to go, and here's a +sovereign for you." + +A policeman doesn't like a sovereign, of course, and this fellow was +just as nasty about it as the others. I suppose he spent the next +quarter of an hour directing me how to go, and when that was done he +saluted his lordship in fine military fashion. To be truthful, I may +say that we went out of Potter's Bar with flying colours, and for the +next ten minutes I drove slowly down dark lanes with corners sharp +enough for copybooks, and hedges so high that a man couldn't feel +himself for the darkness. When we got out of this we came to five +cross-roads, and a big sign-post; and here, I remembered, the policeman +had told me to take the middle road to the left, and that I should find +Five Corners a quarter of a mile further down. So I was just swinging +the big car round when what should happen but that the signal told me +to stop, and, bringing to in a jiffy, I waited for his lordship to +speak. + +"Britten," says he, for I had told him my name half a dozen times +already, "Britten, this is very important to me. I'll make it fifteen +pounds if you do the job well. Just drive up to the lodge, and when +the man opens, you say 'His lordship is very late to-night.' After +that, you'll keep to the lower of two roads and come to another lodge. +There, when you wake them up, you will say, 'His lordship is very early +this morning,' and after that, drive away just as hard as the old car +can take you. I'm in the mood to have some fun to-night, and whatever +I do is no responsibility of yours, so don't you be troubled about it, +my lad. I shall exonerate you if there's any tale; but there can't be +one, for surely a man may drive through his own park when he has the +mind to." + +I said "Of course he had," for what else could I say? The further I +got into this job the madder it appeared to be. Perhaps just because +of its madness, I determined to see the end of it. After all, I had +been ordered by my mistress to drive this gentleman, and whatever he +might choose to do was no concern of mine. If I tell the whole truth, +and say I thought him a lunatic with whom it would be dangerous to +quarrel, well, there's no harm in that; for how many would have done +different, and where's the blame? Lords go mad like other people, for +all their coronets; and fine times they appear to have in that +condition. I said Lord Crossborough was either daft or had some deep +game going; and, with that to keep me up, I drove straight to the lodge +gates, and bawled for them to let me in. + +There was a long wait here, fifteen good minutes or more before a +tousled-haired girl opened the little window of the cottage, and asked +me what I wanted. When I told her to look sharp and not keep his +lordship waiting, I do believe she laughed in my face. + +"Why, he's not left the house for a month!" cries she. "Now don't tell +me!" + +"Oh, but I'm going to tell you--that and a lot more, if you don't hurry +up. Don't you see that I've brought his lordship home?" + +"Oh, dear me," says she, all flustered; "I'm sure I beg his lordship's +pardon----" and with that she came down like a shot and opened the +gate. For my part I had nothing more to say to her, except the remark +which Lord Crossborough had ordered me to make, and exclaiming, "His +lordship is late to-night," I let the clutch in and started the car. A +glance behind me showed me my passenger fast asleep, with the girl +staring at him with all her eyes. But she said no more, and I drove +on, and hadn't gone fifty yards before the signal was working again. + +"Oh," says I, "then we've got no sort of dormouse up to be sure. +Asleep and awake again all in five minutes"; but I slowed up the car as +he directed, and immediately afterwards he called my attention to +another party who shared the road with us, and was as curious as the +girl. He was a policeman, and he had passed through the lodge gates +right on our heels. + +I don't know how it is, but if you are doing anything you have any +doubt about at all, the sight of a policeman always gives you the +creeps. I never see one, but I wonder if he has been timing me, or +quarrelling with my number-plates, or doing one or other of those +things which policemen do, and we poor devils pay for. + +This time I was right down afraid, and made no bones about it. The +scene in Portman Square, the women's screams, the empty house, the +black hangings, the talk concerning the duel, and his lordship's +mysterious words about Captain Blackham never troubling him any more: +they came upon me in a flash, and almost drove me silly. Not so my +lord himself--I had never seen him calmer. + +"Good-morning, constable," says he, "and what can I do for you?" + +"I beg your pardon, sir," says the man, dismounting as he spoke, "but +there's a telegram from London about your house in Portman Square, and +I came up to see if you know anything about it." + +"Of course I do, constable--very good of you, though. Tell them it's +all right, just a little party to some of my old friends. And here's a +sovereign for you; call again later on if you have anything to say. +I'm half asleep and dead tired." + +He threw a sovereign out on to the grass, and the police sergeant +picked it up sharp enough. I thought there was a kind of hesitation in +his manner, but couldn't make much of it. Whatever he thought or +wished to say, however, that he kept to himself, and after remarking +that the morning would break fine, and that he was much obliged to his +lordship, he mounted and rode away. This was the moment Lord +Crossborough ceased to work the signal, and, opening the front window, +spoke to me direct. + +"Stop your engine," he says in a low voice, "and see you don't start it +until that fellow is out of the park." + +I thought it a strange order, but did as he wished. It was plain to +me, as it would have been plain to any one, that he didn't wish the +constable to see us take the lower road, and had thought out this trick +to work his will. I am a pretty good hand myself at stopping my +engine, and being unable to start her, especially when my master or +mistress wants to get there in a hurry and doesn't consult my +convenience. So I was down in a jiffy when his lordship spoke, and +there I stood, pretending to swing the handle and to poke about inside +the bonnet until the sergeant had turned the corner of the drive, and +it was safe to go ahead again. + +The second lodge lay perhaps the third of a mile from the place where +we had halted, and we must pass within a hundred yards of the house +itself to get to it. I didn't need to be told not to sound my horn as +we went by, and we were creeping along nicely when--and this was +something which seemed to hit me in the very face--we came upon a man +walking under the trees by the lake side, and he--believe me or not as +you like--was the very living image of my passenger. "Good God!" says +I, "then there are two of 'em," and in a very twinkling the whole +nature of this night's business seemed clear to me. + +A man just like his lordship, dressed in a tweed suit and with a thick +stick in his hand--a man with a bushy black beard, a full round +forehead, and the very walk and movement of the man I carried. What +was I to make of him, what to think of it? Well, I can hardly tell you +that, for, no sooner did we catch sight of the man than my passenger +roared to me to go straight on, and, ducking down inside the +landaulette, he hid himself as completely from sight as though he had +been in the tool-box. For my part, remembering the old adage about "In +for a penny in for a pound," I just let the Daimler fly, and we went +down the drive and up to the lodge as fast as car ever travelled that +particular road or will travel it whatever the circumstances. + +"Gate," I roared, "gate, gate!" for the padlock was plain enough and a +good stout chain about it. No one answered me for more than five +minutes, I suppose, and no sooner did an old man appear, than I saw the +stranger with his bushy black beard, his lordship's double, running +down the drive for all he was worth, and bawling to the gate-keeper not +to open. + +A critical moment this, upon my word, and one to bring a man's heart +into his mouth--the doddering old man tottering to the gate; the +stranger running like a prize-winner; Lord Crossborough himself, +doubled up in the bottom of the landaulette, and me sitting there with +my foot on the clutch, my hand on the throttle, and my pulse going like +one o'clock. Should we do it or should we not? Would it be shut or +open? The question answered itself a moment later, when the +lodge-keeper, not seeing the other fellow, half opened the iron gates +and let my bonnet in between them. The car almost knocked him down as +we raced through--I could hear him bawling "Stop!" even above the hum +of the engine. + +You will not have forgotten that his lordship had told me to go, hell +for leather, directly I was through the gate, and right well I obeyed +him. The lanes were narrow and twisty; there were morning mists +blowing up from the fields; we passed more than one market cart, and +nearly lost our wings. But I was out to earn fifteen of the best, and +right well I worked for them. Slap bang into Potter's Bar, slap bang +out of it and round the bend towards Prickly Hill. I couldn't have +driven faster if I had had the whole county police at my heels--and the +Lord knows whether I had or not. + +This brought us to Barnet in next to no time. We were still doing +forty as we entered the town, and would have run out of it at +twenty-five after we'd passed the church and the police station--would +have, I say, but for one little fact, and that was a fat sergeant of +police right in the middle of the road, with his hand held up like a +leg of mutton, and a voice that might have been hailing a burglar. + +"Here, you," he cried, as I drew up, "who have you got in that car?" + +"Why," says I, "who should I have but somebody who has a right to be +there? Ask his lordship for himself." + +"His lordship--do you mean Lord Crossborough?" + +I went to say "Yes," just as he opened the door. You shall judge what +I thought of it when a glance behind me showed that the landaulette was +empty. + +"Now, who are you making game of?" cried the sergeant, throwing the +door wide open. "There ain't no lordship in here. What do you mean by +saying there was?" + +"Well, he was there when I left Five Corners----" + +"What! you've come from his house?" + +"Straight away," says I, "and no calls. Ask him for yourself." + +He could see that I was flabbergasted and telling him the truth. There +was the landaulette as empty as a box of chocolates when the +parlourmaid has done with them. How Lord Crossborough got out or where +he had gone to when he did get out, I knew no more than the dead. One +thing was plain--I was as clean sold as any greenhorn at any country +fair. And I made no bones about telling the sergeant as much. + +"He asked me to drive him down from town to his house at Five Corners. +My mistress told me to take him, and I did. I was to have fifteen of +the best for the job--and here you see what I get. Oh, you bet I'm +happy." + +I spoke with some feeling, and you may be sure I felt pretty kind +towards Lord Crossborough just then. To be kept up all night and run +about like a "yellow breeches," to have my ears crammed with promises +and my skin drenched with the mists, to find myself stranded in Barnet +at the end. It was more than any man's temper could stand, and that I +told the sergeant. + +"Well," says I, "next time I meet him, I shall have something pretty +strong to say to that same Lord Crossborough, and you may tell him so +when you see him." + +"See him--I wish we could see him. There's half the county police +looking for him this minute. Oh, we'd like to see him all right, and a +few others as well. Now, you come down to the station and tell us all +about it. There'll be a cup of hot coffee there, and I daresay you +won't mind that." + +I said that I wouldn't, and went along with him. An inspector at the +station took my story down from the time I set off from the Carlton to +the moment I quitted Five Corners. What he wanted it for, what Lord +Crossborough had done, or what he was going to do, they didn't tell me, +nor did I care. But they gave me a jolly good breakfast before they +sent me off, and that was about the best thing I had had for twelve +long hours. It was eleven o'clock when I got back to town at last. +And at three o'clock precisely I saw my mistress again. + +You will readily imagine that I was glad of this interview, and had +been looking forward to it anxiously from the time I drove the car into +the stable until the moment it came off. Miss Dartel had a flat in +Bayswater just then; but she didn't send for me there, and it was at +the theatre I saw her, in her own dressing-room between the acts of a +rehearsal. A clean-shaven gentleman was talking to her when I went in, +and for a little while I didn't recognise him; but presently he turned +round, and something in his manner and tone of voice caused me to look +up sharp enough. + +"Why," says I, "his lordship!" + +They both laughed at this, and Miss Dartel held up her finger. + +"Whatever are you saying, Britten?" cried she. "That's Mr. Jermyn, of +the Hicks Theatre." + +"Jermyn or French," says I, my temper getting up, "he's the man I drove +to Five Corners last night--and fifteen pounds he owes me, neither more +nor less." + +Well, they both laughed again, and the gentleman, he took a pocket-book +from the inside pocket of his coat and laid three five-pound notes on +the table. While they were there, Miss Dartel puts her pretty fingers +upon them, and begins to speak quite confidentially-- + +"Britten," says she, "there's fifteen pounds. I daresay it would be +fifty if you had a very bad memory, Britten, and couldn't recognise the +gentleman you picked up last night. Now, do you think you have such a +bad memory as all that?" + +I twigged it in a minute, and answered them quite honestly. + +"I must know more or less, madame," says I. "Remember my interests are +not this gentleman's interests." + +"Oh, that's quite fair, Britten, though naturally, we know nothing. +But they do say that poor Lord Crossborough has gone quite silly about +the rural life. He's been reading Tolstoy's books, and wants to live +upon a shilling a day; while poor Lady Crossborough, who knows my +cousin, Captain Blackham, very well, she's bored to death, and it will +kill her if it goes on. So, you see, she persuaded his lordship to +give that funny party at his old house in Portman Square last night, +and all the papers are laughing at it to-day, and he'll be chaffed out +of his life. I'm sure Lady Crossborough will get her way now, Britten; +and when the police hear it was only an eccentricity upon his +lordship's part, they won't say anything. Now, do you think that you +would be able to swear that the man you drove last night was very like +Lord Crossborough? If so, it would be lucky, and I'm sure her ladyship +will give you fifty pounds." + +I thought about it a minute, rolling up the notes and putting them into +my pocket. Of course I could swear as she wanted me to. And fifty of +the best. Good Lord, what a temptation! + +But I'll tell you straight that I got the fifty, and never swore +nothing at all. The party was a job put up by Lady Crossborough. The +man I drove was Mr. Jermyn, of the Hicks Theatre, and the world and the +newspapers laughed so loud at his lordship, who never convinced anybody +he hadn't done it, that he went off to India in a hurry, and never came +back for twelve months. Which proves to me that honesty is the best +policy, as I shall always declare. + +And one thing more--where did Mr. Jermyn get out of my car? Why, just +as I slowed up for the corner by the church at Barnet--not a hundred +yards from where the constable stopped me. A clever actor--why, yes, +he is that. + + + +[1] The Editor has left Mr. Britten to speak for himself in his own +manner when that seems characteristic of his employment. + +[2] Mr. Britten's spelling of Quat'z-Arts is eccentric. + + + + +II + +THE SILVER WEDDING + +Yes, I shall never forget "Benny," and I shall never forget his +beautiful red hair. Gentlemen, I have driven for many ... and the +other sort, but "Benny" was neither the one nor the other--not a man, +but a tribe ... not a Jew nor yet a Christian, but just something you +meet every day and all days--a big, blundering heap of good-nature, +which quarrels with one half the world and takes Bass's beer with the +other. That was Benjamin Colmacher--"Benny" for short--that was the +master I want to tell you about. + +I was out of a job at the time, and had picked up an endorsement at +Hayward's Heath and left a matter of six pounds there for the justices +to get busy with. Time is money, they say, and I have found it to be +so ... generally five pounds and costs, though more if you take a +quantity. It isn't easy for a good man with a road mechanic's +knowledge and five years' experience, racing and otherwise, to place +himself nowadays, when any groom can get made a slap-bang "shuffer" for +five pounds at a murder-shop, and any old coachman is young enough to +put his guv'nor in the ditch. My knowledge and my experience had gone +begging for exactly three months when I heard of Benny, and hurried +round to his flat off Russell Square, "just the chap for you," they +said at the garage. I thought so, too, when I saw him. + +It was a fine flat, upon my word, and filled up with enough fal-de-lals +to please a duchess from the Gaiety. Benny himself, his red hair +combed flat on his head and oiled like a missing commutator, wore a +Japanese silk dressing-gown which would have fired a steam car. His +breakfast, I observed, consisted of one brandy-and-soda and a bunch of +grapes; but the cigar he offered me was as long as a policeman's boot, +and the fellow to it stuck out of a mouth as full of fine white teeth +as a pod of peas. + +"Good-morning," says he, nodding affably enough; and then, "You are +Lionel Britten, I suppose?" + +"Yes," says I--for no road mechanic who respects himself is going to +"sir" such as Benny Colmacher to begin with--"that's my name, though my +friends call me Lal for short. You're wanting a driver, I hear." + +He sat himself in a great armchair and looked me up and down as a vet +looks at a horse. + +"I do want a driver," says he, "though how you got to know it, the Lord +knows." + +"Why," says I, "that's funny, isn't it? We're both wanting the same +thing, for I can see you're just the gentleman I would like to take on +with." + +He smiled at this, and seemed to be thinking about it. Presently he +asked a plain question. I answered him as shortly. + +"Where did you hear of me?" he asked. + +"At Blundell's garage," I answered. + +"And I was buying a car?" + +"Yes, a fifty-seven Daimler ... that was the talk." + +"Could you drive a car like that?" + +"Could I--oh, my godfathers----" + +"Then you have handled fast cars?" + +"I drove with Fournier in the Paris-Bordeaux, was through the Florio +for the Fiat people, and have driven the big Delahaye just upon a +hundred and three miles an hour. Read my papers, sir ... they'll show +you what I've done." + +I put a bundle into his hand, and he read a few words of them. When +next he looked at me, there was something in his eyes which surprised +me considerably. Some would have called it cunning, some curiosity; I +didn't know what to make of it. + +"Why would you like to drive for me?" he asked presently. + +"Because," said I, quickly enough, "it's plain that you're a gentleman +anybody would like to drive for." + +"But you don't know anything at all about me." + +"That's just it, sir. The nicest people are those we don't know +anything at all about." + +He laughed loudly at this, and helped himself to the brandy-and-soda, +but didn't drink over-much of it. I could see that he was much +relieved, and he spoke afterwards with more freedom. + +"You're one that knows how to hold his tongue?" he suggested. I +rejoined that, so far as tongues went, I had mine in a four-inch vice. + +"Especially where the ladies are concerned?" + +"I'd sooner talk to them than about them, sir." + +"That's right, that's right. Don't take the maid when you can get the +mistress, eh?" + +"Take 'em both for choice, that's my motto." + +"You're not married, Britten?" + +"No such misfortune has overtaken me, sir." + +"Ha!"--here he leered just like an actor at the Vic--"and you don't +mind driving at night?" + +"I much prefer it, sir." + +He leered again, and seemed mightily pleased. A few more questions put +and answered found me with that job right enough ... and a right good +job, too, as things are nowadays. I was to have four pounds a week and +liveries. Such a mug as "Benny" Colmacher would not be the man to ask +about tyres and petrol, and if he did, I knew how to fill up his tanks +for him. Be sure I went away on my top speed and ate a better lunch +than had come my way for six months or more. Who the man was, or what +he was, I didn't care a dump. I had got the job, and to-morrow I would +get up in the driver's seat of a car again. You can't wonder I was +pleased. + +I slept well that night, and was round at Benny's early on the +following morning. If I had been surprised at my good luck yesterday, +surprise was no word for what I felt when the valet opened the door to +me and told me that Mr. Colmacher was in the country and wouldn't be +back for a month. Not a word had been said about this, mind you--not a +hint at it; and yet the stiff and starched gentleman could tell me the +news just as coolly as though he had said, "My master has gone across +the street to see a friend." When I asked him if there was no message +for me, he answered simply, "None." + +"He didn't give no instructions about the car?" + +"The car is at the yard being repaired." + +"But I was engaged to drive her----" + +"You will drive Mr. Colmacher when he returns." + +"And my wages----?" + +"Oh, those will be paid. This is a place where they know what is due +to us." + +"And I am to do nothing meanwhile?" + +"If you have nothing to do, by all means." + +It was an odd thing to hear, to be sure, and you can well understand my +hesitation as I stood there on the landing and watched that stiff and +starched valet, who might have just come out of a tailor's shop. +Gentlemen are not usually reserved between themselves, but this fellow +beat me altogether, and I liked him but little. Such a +"don't-touch-me-or-I-shall-vanish" manner you don't come across often +even in Park Lane, and I soon saw that whatever else happened, Joseph, +the valet, as they called him, and Lal Britten, the "shuffer," were +never going to the North Pole together. + +"If it's doing nothing," said I at last, "Mr. Colmacher won't have +cause to complain of his driver. Am I to call again, or will he send +for me?" + +"He will send for you, unless you like to see Mr. Walter in the +meantime?" + +I looked up at this. There had been no "Mr. Walter" in the business +before. + +"Mr. Walter--and who may Mr. Walter be?" + +"He is Mr. Colmacher's son." + +"Then I will see him just as soon as you like." + +He nodded his head and invited me in. Presently I found myself in a +fine bedroom on the far side of the flat, and what was my astonishment +to discover Mr. Walter himself in bed with a big cut across his +forehead and his right arm in a sling. He was a lean, pale youth, but +with as cadaverous a face as I have ever looked upon; and when he spoke +his voice appeared to come from the back of his head. + +"You are the new driver my father has engaged?" + +"Yes, sir, I am the same." + +"I hope you understand powerful cars. Did my father tell you that ours +is a steam car?" + +"He talked about a fifty-seven Daimler, sir." + +"But you have had experience with steam cars----" + +"How did you know that, sir?" + +He smiled softly. + +"We have made inquiries--naturally, we should do so." + +"Then you have not been misinformed. I drove a thirty-horse White +three months last year." + +"Ah, the same car that we drive. Unfortunately, I cannot help my +father just now, for I have met with an accident--in the hunting field." + +I jibbed at this. Motor-men don't know much about the hunting field, +as a rule, but I wasn't such a ninny that I supposed men hunted in July. + +"Hunting, did you say, sir?" + +"That is, trying a horse for the hunting season. Well, you may go now. +Leave your address with Joseph. My father will send for you when he +returns, and meanwhile you are at liberty." + +I thanked him and went off. Oddly enough, this fellow pleased me no +more than the valet. His smile was ugly, his scowl uglier +still--especially when I made that remark about the hunting field. +"Better have held your tongue, Lal, my boy," said I to myself; and +resolving to hold it for the future, I went to my own diggings and +heard no more of the Colmachers, father or son, for exactly twenty-one +days. The morning of the twenty-second found me at the flat again. +"Benny" Colmacher had returned, and remembered that he had paid me +three weeks' wages. + +Now this was the middle of the month of August, and "Benny" certainly +was dressed for country wear. A dot-and-go-one suit of dittoes went +for best, so to speak, with his curly red hair, and got the better of +it by a long way. He had a white rose in his button-hole, and his +manner was as smooth as Vacuum B from a nice clean can. He had just +breakfasted off his usual brandy-and-soda and dry toast when I came in; +and the big cigar did sentry-go across his mouth all the time he talked +to me. + +"Come in, come in, Britten," he cried pompously, when I appeared. "You +like your place, I hope--you don't find the work too hard?" + +"That's so--sir--a very nice sort of place this for a delicate young +man like myself." + +"Ah, but we are going to be a little busier. Has Mr. Walter shown you +the car?" + +"No, sir, not yet. I hear she is a White steamer, though." + +"Yes, yes; I like steam cars; they don't shake me up. When a man +weighs fifteen stun, he doesn't like to be shaken up, Britten--not good +for his digestion, eh? Well, you go down to the Bedford Mews, No. 23B, +and tell me if you can get the thing going by ten o'clock to-morrow--as +far as Watford, Britten. That's the place, Watford. I've something on +down there--something very important. Upon my soul, I don't know why I +shouldn't tell you. It's about a lady, Britten--ha, ha!--about a lady." + +Well, he grinned all over his face just like the laughing gorilla at +the Zoo, and went on grinning for a matter of two minutes or more. +Such a laugh caught you whether you would or no; and while I didn't +care two-pence about his business, and less about the lady, yet here I +was laughing as loudly as he, and seemingly just as pleased. + +"Is it a young lady?" I ventured to ask presently. But he stopped +laughing at that, and looked mighty serious. + +"You mustn't question me, my lad," he said, a bit proudly. "I like my +servants to be in my confidence, but they must not beg it. We are +going down to Watford--that is enough for you. Get the car ready as +soon as possible, and let me know at once if there is anything the +matter with her." + +I promised to do so, and went round to the mews immediately. "Benny" +seemed to me just a good-natured lovesick old fool, who had got hold of +some new girl in the country and was going off to spoon her. The car I +found to be one of the latest forty White's in tip-top trim. She +steamed at once, and when I had put a new heater in, there was nothing +more to be done to her, except to wash her down, a thing no +self-respecting mechanic will ever do if he can get another to take the +job on for him. So I hired a loafer who was hanging about the mews, +and set him to the work while I read the papers and smoked a cigarette. + +He was a playful little cuss to be sure, one of those "ne'er-grow-ups" +you meet about stables, and ready enough to gossip when I gave him the +chance. + +"He's a wonder, is Colmacher," he remarked as he splashed and hissed +about the wheels. "Takes his car out half a dozen times in as many +hours, and then never rides in her for three months. You would be +engaged in place of Mr. Walter, I suppose. They say he's gone to +America, though I don't rightly know whether that's true or not." + +I answered him without looking up from my paper. + +"Who says he's in America?" + +"Why, the servants say it. Ellen the housemaid and me--but that ain't +for the newspapers. So Mr. Walter's home, is he? Well, he do walk +about, to be sure, and him not left for New York ten days ago." + +"You seem to be angry about it, my boy." + +"Well no, it ain't nothing to me, to be sure, though I must say as +Benny's one after my own heart. The girls he do know, and mostly after +'em when the sun's gone down. Would it be the young lady at Bristol +this time, or another? He wus took right bad down in Wiltshire larst +time I heard of 'im, but perhaps he's cured hisself drinking of the +waters. Anyway, it ain't nothing to me, for I'm off to Margate +to-morrow." + +He waited for me to speak, but seeing that I was bent on reading my +paper, made no further remark until his job was done. When next I saw +him it was at eleven o'clock on the following day, just as I was +driving the car round to "Benny's" to take the old boy down to Watford +as he wished. Jumping on the step, the lad put a funny question: + +"You're a good sort," he said. "Will you forward this bit of a +telegram to me from any place you chance to stop at to-night?" + +"Why, what's up now?" I asked. + +"Nothing much, but my old uncle won't let me go, and I want to take +Ellen to Margate for the day. This telegram says mother's ill and +wants me. Will you send it through and put in the name of the place +where you stop to-night?" + +I said that I would, and sticking the sixpence inside my glove and the +form into my pocket, I thought no more about it, and drove straight +away to Benny's. The old boy was dressed fit to marry the whole Gaiety +ballet, white frock suit, white hat, and a rose as big as a full-blown +tomato in his button-hole. To the valet he gave his directions in a +voice that could have been heard half down the street. He was going to +Watford, and would return in a week. + +"Mind," he cried, "I'm staying at the King's Arms, and you can send my +letters down there." Then he waved his hand to me, and we set off. +The road to Watford via Edgware is traps from end to end, and, well as +the White was going, I did not dare to let her out. It was just after +half-past eleven when we left town, and about a quarter to one when we +dropped down the hill into Watford town. Here "Benny" leant over and +spoke to me. + +"Shan't lunch here," he cried, as though the idea had come to him +suddenly; "get on to St. Albans or to Hatfield if you like. The Red +Lion will do me--drive on there and don't hurry." + +I made no answer, but drove quietly through the town, and so by the old +high road to St. Albans and thence to Hatfield. Truth to tell, the car +interested me far more than old Benny or his plans. She was steaming +beautifully, and I had six hundred pounds' pressure all the time. +While that was so I didn't care the turn of a nut whether old Benny +lunched at Watford or at Edinburgh, and as for his adventure with the +girl--well, you couldn't expect me to go talking about another man's +good luck. In fact, I had forgotten all about it long before we were +at Hatfield, and when we had lunched and the old chap suddenly +remembered that he would like to spend the night at Newmarket, I was +not so surprised--for this is the motorist's habit all the world over, +and there's the wonder of the motor-car, that, whether you wish to +sleep where you are or a hundred miles distant, she'll do the business +for you and make no complaint about it. + +Perhaps you will say that I ought to have been surprised, ought to have +guessed that this man was up to no good and turned back to the nearest +police station. It's easy to be a prophet after the event; and between +what a man ought to do and what he does do on any given occasion, there +is often a pretty considerable margin when it comes to the facts. I +drove Benny willingly, not thinking anything at all about the matter. +When he stopped in the town of Royston and said he would take a cup of +tea with a cork to it, I thought it just the sort of thing such a man +would do. And I was ready myself for a cigarette and a stroll +round--for sitting all that time in the car makes a man's legs stiff, +and no mistake about it. But I wasn't away more than ten minutes, and +when I got back to the hotel "Benny" was already fuming at the door. + +"Where have you been to?" he asked in a voice unlike his own--the voice +of a man who knows "what's what" and will see that he gets it. "Why +weren't you with the car?" + +"Been to the telegraph office," said I quietly, for no bluster is going +to unship me--not much. + +"Telegraph office!" and here his face went white as a sheet, "what the +devil did you go there for?" + +"What people usually go for, sir--to send a telegram." + +We looked each other full in the face for a moment, and I could see he +was sorry he had spoken. + +"I suppose you wanted to let your friends know," he put it to me. I +said it was just that--for such was the shortest way out of it. + +"Then get the car out at once and keep to the Newmarket Road. I shall +sleep at the Randolph Arms to-night." + +I made no answer and we got away again. But, for all that, I thought a +lot, and all the time the White was flying along that fine bit of road, +I was asking myself why Benny turned pale when he heard I had sent a +telegram. Was this business with the girl, then, something which might +bring trouble on us both? Was he the man he represented himself to be? +Those were the questions I could not answer, and they were still in my +head when we reached the village of Whittlesford and Benny suddenly +ordered me to stop. + +"This looks a likely inn," he said, pointing to a pretty little house +on the right-hand side of the road; "I think we might stop the night +here, lad. They'll give us a good bed and a good glass of whisky, +anyway, and what does a man want more? Run the car into the yard and +wait while I talk to them. You won't die if we don't get to Newmarket +to-night, I suppose?" + +I said that it was all one to me, and put the car into the yard. The +inn was a beauty, and I liked the look of it. Perhaps Benny's new +manner disarmed me; he was as mild as milk just then, and as affable as +a commercial with a sample in his bag. When he appeared again he had +the landlord with him, and he told me he was going to stop. + +"Get a good dinner into you, lad, and then come and talk to me," he +said, putting a great paw on my shoulder, and leering apishly. "We +mayn't go to bed to-night, after all, for, to tell you the truth, I +don't like the colour of their sheets. You wouldn't mind sitting up, I +daresay, not supposing--well, that there was a ten-pound note hanging +to it?" + +I opened my eyes at this. + +"A ten-pound note, sir?" + +"Yes, for robbing you of your bed. Didn't you tell me you were a +wonder at night driving. Well, I want to see what stuff you're made +of." + +I did not answer him, and, after talking a lot about my cleverness and +the way the car had run, he went in and had his dinner. What to make +of him or his proposal I knew no more than the dead. Certainly he had +done nothing which gave me any title to judge him, and a man with a job +to serve isn't over-ready to be nice about his masters, whatever their +doings. I came to the conclusion that he was just a dotty old boy who +had gone crazy over some girl, and that he was driving out by night to +see her. All the talk about Watford and his letters was so much +jibarree and not meant for home consumption; but, in any case, it was +no affair of mine, nor could I be held responsible for what he did or +what he left undone. + +This was the wisest view to take, and it helped me out afterwards. He +made a good dinner, they told me, and drank a fine bottle of port, kept +in the cellars of the house from the old days when gentlemen drove +themselves to Newmarket, and didn't spare the liquor by the way. It +was half-past ten when I saw him again, and then he had one of the +roly-poly cigars in his mouth and the ten-pound note in his hand. + +"Britten," he said quite plain, "you know why I've come down here?" + +"I think so, sir." + +"_Chercher les femmes_, as they say in Boolong--I'm down here to meet +the girl I'm going to marry." + +"Hope you'll find her well, sir." + +"Ah, that's just it. I shan't find her well if her old father can help +it. Damn him, he's nearly killed her with his oaths and swearing these +last two months. But it's going to stop, Britten, and stop to-night. +She's waiting for this car over at Fawley Hill, which isn't half a mile +from this very door." + +He came a step nearer and thrust the ten-pound note under my very nose. +"It's Lord Hailsham's place--straight up the hill to the right and on +to the high road from Bishop's Stortford. There's a party for a silver +wedding, and Miss Davenport is staying there with her father and +mother. Bring her to this house and I'll give you fifty pounds. +There's ten as earnest money. She's over age and can do what she +likes--and it's no responsibility of yours, anyway." + +I took the note in my hand and put a question. + +"Do I drive to the front door--I'm thinking not?" + +"You drive to the edge of the spinney which you'll find directly you +turn the corner. Wait there until Miss Davenport comes. Then drive +her straight here and your money is earned. I'll answer for the rest +and she shall answer for herself." + +I nodded my head, and, folding up the note, I put it in my pocket. The +night was clear when I drove away from the inn, but there was some mist +in the fields and a goodish bit about the spinney they had pointed out +to me. A child could have found the road, however, for it was just the +highway to Newmarket; and when I had cruised along it a couple of +hundred yards, to the very gates of Lord Hailsham's house, I turned +about and stood off at the spinney's edge, perhaps three hundred yards +away. Then I just lighted a cigarette and waited, as I had been told +to do. + +It was a funny job, upon my word. Sometimes I laughed when I thought +about it; sometimes I had a bit of a shiver down my back, the sort of +thing which comes to a man who's engaged in a rum affair, and may not +come well out of it. As for the party Lord Hailsham was giving, there +could be no doubt about that. I had seen the whole house lighted up +from attic to kitchen, and some of the lights were still glistening +between the pollards in the spinny; while the stables themselves seemed +alive with coachmen, carriages, and motor-cars. The road itself was +the only secluded spot you could have pointed out for the third of a +mile about--but that was without a living thing upon it, and nothing +but a postman's cart passed me for an hour or more. + +I should have told you that I had turned the car and that she now stood +with her headlights towards home. The mists made the night very cold, +and I was glad to wrap myself up in one of the guvnor's rugs and smoke +a packet of cigarettes while I waited. From time to time I could hear +the music of fiddles, and they came with an odd echo, just as though +some merry tune of long ago chided me for being there all alone. When +they ceased I must have dropped asleep, for the next thing I knew was +that some one was busy about the car and that my head-lamps had both +gone out. Be sure I jumped up like a shot at this, and "Hallo," cried +I, "what the devil do you think you are doing?" Then I saw my mistake. +The new-comer was a girl, one of the maids of the house, it appeared, +and she was stowing luggage into the car. + +"Oh," says I, "then Miss Davenport is coming, is she?" + +The girl went on with her work, hardly looking at me. When she did +speak I thought her voice sounded very odd; and instead of answering me +she asked a question: + +"Do you know the road to Colchester?" + +"To Colchester?" + +"You take the first to the left when we leave here--then go right ahead +until I tell you to stop. Understand, whatever happens you are to get +ahead as fast as you can. The rest is with----" + +He came to an abrupt halt, and no wonder. If you had given me ten +thousand pounds to have kept my tongue still, I would have lost the +money that instant. For who do you think the maid was? Why, no other +than the starchy valet, Joseph, I had seen at Mr. Colmacher's flat. + +"Up you get, my boy," he cried, throwing all disguise to the winds, +"Don't you hear that noise? They have discovered Miss Davenport is +going and the job's off. We'll tell Benny in the morning--the thing to +do to-night is to show them our heels and sharp about it." + +He bade me listen, and I heard the ringing of an alarm bell, the +barking of hounds, and then the sound of many voices. Some suspicion, +ay, more than that, a pretty shrewd guess at the truth was possible +then, and I would have laid any man ten pounds to nothing that "love" +was not much in this business, whatever the real nature of it might be. +For that matter, the fellow had hardly got the words out of his mouth +when the glitter of something bright he had dropped on the ground, +caused me to stoop and to pick up a gold watch bracelet set in +diamonds. The same instant I heard a man running on the road behind +me, and who should come up but the very "ne'er-do-well" who helped me +to wash down my car but yesterday morning. + +"Hold that man!" he cried, throwing himself at the valet. "He's +Marchant, the Yankee hotel robber--hold him in the King's name--I'm a +police officer, and I have a warrant." + +Now, this was something if you like, and I don't think any one is going +to wonder either at my surprise, or at the hesitation which overtook +me. To find myself, in this way, confronted by two men who had seemed +so different from what they were, and that not twenty-four hours ago; +to discover one of them disguised as a woman and the other saying he +was a police officer--well, do you blame me for standing there with my +mouth wide open, and my eyes staring with the surprise of it? Pity I +did so, all the same, for the "ne'er-do-well" was on the floor next +moment, and it didn't need a second look to tell me that it would be a +long time before he got up again. + +I shall never forget if I live a hundred years (which would be pretty +lucky for a man who thinks less than nothing of speed limits and is +known to all the justices in Sussex), I shall never forget the way that +valet turned on poor Kennaway (for that was the detective's name) and +laid him flat on the grass. Such a snarl of rage I never heard. The +man seemed transformed in an instant from a silent, reserved, taciturn +servant to a very maniac, fighting with teeth and claw, cursing and +swearing horribly, and as strong as a gorilla. + +Again and again he struck at his victim, the heavy blows sounding like +the thud of iron upon a carpet; and long before I got my wits back and +leaped to Kennaway's assistance, that poor fellow was insensible and +moaning upon the grass at the roadside. The next thing that I knew +about it was that I had a revolver as close to my forehead as a +revolver will ever be, and that the man Joseph was pushing me toward +the car, the while he said something to which I must listen if I would +save my life. + +"Get up, you fool," he cried. "Do you want me to treat you as I've +treated him? Get up, or by the Lord I'll blow your brains out!" + +Well, judge me for it how you will, but I obeyed him as any child. +What I had tried to do for poor Kennaway was shown by the cut across my +forehead, which I shall carry to my dying day. Such strength and such +temper I have never known in any man, and they frightened me beyond all +words to tell you. There are human beings and human animals, and this +fellow was of the latter sort. No raving maniac could have done worse +to any fellow creature; and when I got up to the driver's seat and +started the engine, my hands trembled so that I could hardly keep them +on the wheel. + +We jumped away, a roar of voices behind us and the alarm bell of the +house still ringing. What was in my head was chiefly this, that I was +going out upon the road with this madman for a companion, and that +sooner or later he would make an end of me. Judge of my position, +knowing, as I did, that a murderer sat in the tonneau behind, and that +he held a revolver at full cock in his hand. My God! it was an awful +journey, the most awful I shall ever make. + +He would kill me when it suited him to do it. I was as sure of it as +of my own existence. In one mile or twenty, here in the lanes of +Cambridgeshire, or over yonder when we drew near to the sea, this +madman would do the business. More fearful than any danger a man can +face was this peril at the back of me. I listened for a word or sound +from him; I tried to look behind me and see what he was doing. He +never made a movement, and for miles we roared along that silent road, +through the mists and the darkness to the unknown goal--a murderer and +his victim, as I surely believed myself to be. + +There is many a man who has the nerve for a sudden call, but few who +can stand a trial long sustained. All that I can tell you of what fear +is like, the fear of swift death, and of the pain and torture of it, +would convey nothing to you of my sensations during that mad drive. +Sometimes I could almost have wished that he would make an end of it +then and there, shooting me in mercy where I sat, and sparing me the +agony of uncertainty. But mile after mile we went without a sound from +him; and when, in sheer despair, I slowed down and asked him a +direction, he was on me like a tiger, and I must race again for very +life. Through Haverhill, thence to Sibil Ingham and Halstead--ay, +until the very spires of Colchester stood out in the dawn light, that +race went on. And I began to say that he might spare me after all, +that I was necessary to him, and that his destination was Harwich and +the morning steamer to Holland. Fool! it was then he fired at me, then +that the end came. + +I thought that I heard him move; some instinct--for there is an +instinct in these things, let others say what they please--caused me to +turn half about, and detect him standing in the tonneau. No time for +prudence then, no time for resolution or anything but that fear of +death which paralyses the limbs and seems to still the very heart. +With a cry that was awful to hear, he fired his pistol, and I heard the +report of it as thunder in my ear, the while the powder burned my face +as the touch of red-hot iron. But a second shot he never fired. A +sudden lurch, as I let go the wheel, sent the car bounding on to the +grass at the road-side, threw the murderer off his balance and hurled +him backwards. There was a tremendous crash, I found myself beneath +the tonneau, and then, as it seemed, on the top of it again. At last I +went rolling over and over on to the grass, and lay there, God knows +how long, in very awe and terror of all that had overtaken me. + +But the valet himself was stone dead, caught by the neck as the car +went over and crushed almost beyond recognition. And that was the +judgment upon him, as I shall believe to my life's end. + + * * * * * + +They never caught old "Benny," not for that job, at any rate. He +turned out to be the head of a swindling crew, known in America and +Paris as the "Red Poll" gang, because of his beautiful sandy hair. He +must have been wanted for fifty jobs in Europe, and as many on the +other side. As for his supposed son, Mr. Walter, and the valet +Marchant, they were but two of the company. And why they came to +engage me was because of a motor accident to the man Walter, which put +him out of the running when the burglary job at Lord Hailsham's was to +be undertaken. + +Kennaway, the detective, was three months in hospital after his little +lot. It was clever of him to make me post a telegram on the road, for, +directly he got it, he wired to the Chief Constable at Cambridge, and +came on himself by train. The local police furnished a list of all the +house-parties being held about Royston that week-end, and, of course, +as Lord Hailsham was celebrating his silver wedding, it didn't need +much wit to send Kennaway there; the valet, meanwhile, being already in +the house, disguised as a maid. + +We were to have had a bit of a silver wedding ourselves, it appears, +for I doubt not "Benny" would have led all the silver, to say nothing +of the gold and precious stones, to the altar as soon as possible. But +the best laid schemes of mice and men gang aft agley, as do motor-cars +when the man who's driving them has a pistol at his head. + + + + +III + +IN ACCOUNT WITH DOLLY ST. JOHN + +My old father used to say that "woman's looks were his only books and +folly was all they taught him," which shows, I suppose, that what he +knew about the sex he learned from a circulating library. + +Anyway, he never drove a motor-car, or he would have written in another +strain. Sometimes I pick up a piece in the newspapers about women and +then I laugh to myself, thinking how many mugs there are in the world +and how they were born for the other sex to make game of. Let 'em get +on the driver's seat and take madam round an afternoon or two. There +won't be much talk about gentle shepherdesses after that, I'll +wager--though if a crook or two don't get into the story I'm Dutchman. + +Well, you must know that this is about Dolly St. John--a little +American girl, who hired a car from the Empire Company when I was one +of its drivers, and had a pretty little game with us. I used to go for +her every afternoon to some hotel or the other, and always a different +one, she not being domesticated, so to speak, and never caring to +overstay her welcome. + +A daintier little body was never fitted upon a chassis. There are some +who like them fair, and some who like them dark--but Dolly St. John was +betwixt and between, neither the one nor the other, but a type that +gets there every time, and turns twenty heads when a policeman stops +you at a crossing. + +It's very natural that young women should like to talk to their +drivers; and, if the truth were told, some of them will tell us things +they would never speak of, no, not to their own husbands, if they've +got any. Dolly was one of these, and a more talkative little body +never existed. I knew her history the very first afternoon I took her +round; and by the third, I could have told you that she had met the +Hon. John Sarand, and meant to marry him, even if his old father, Lord +Badington, had to go on the halls in consequence. + +I had driven Dolly about three weeks, if I remember rightly, when our +people first began to get uneasy. It was all very well for her to talk +about her uncle, Nathaniel St. John, of New York City, who made a +hundred thousand dollars a day by blowing bubbles through a telephone; +but her bill for seventy-five sixteen and four remained unpaid, and +when Hook-Nosed Moss, our manager, asked her for it, all he got was a +cigarette out of a bon-bon box, and an intimation that if he came on a +similar errand again, she'd write to the papers about it. Had she not +been a born little actress, who could have earned twenty a week on any +stage in London, the man would have closed the deal on the spot, and +left it to the lawyers. But she just tickled him like a carburettor, +and he went home to say that the money was better than Consols, and the +firm making a fool of itself. + +I drove her for another week after this, chiefly to the theatre with +the Honorary John, and to supper afterwards. She had a wonderful mania +for shopping, and used to spend hours in Regent Street, while I read +the _Auto-Car_ outside, and fell to asking myself how long it would +last. You don't deceive the man who drives the car--be sure of it. +Either she led the Honorary John to the financial altar, or her poor +uncle would be on the Rocky Mountains--I hadn't a doubt of it. + +I liked her, that goes without saying. A man's a fool who tells you +that a pretty woman's charm is less because her bankers are wondering +how they shall get the cheque-book back, and the tradesman round the +corner is blotting his ledger with tears. In a way I was in love with +Miss Dolly, and would have married her myself upon any provocation; but +before I could make up my mind to it either way, she'd gone like a +flash, and half the bill collectors in London after her. This I +learned during the week following the disappearance. She sent for me +one day to pick her up at Joran's Hotel, and when I got there, and the +hotel porter had handed out two rugs and a Pomeranian, down comes the +chambermaid to say madam had not returned since eleven o'clock. And +then I knew by some good instinct that the game was up--and, handing +the Pomeranian back, I said, "Be good to him, for he's an orphan." + +This was a surmise--a surmise and nothing more; and yet how true it +proved! I had a 'tec with me on the following afternoon, and a pretty +tale he had to tell. Not, mind you, as he himself declared, that Dolly +was really dishonest. She had left a few bills behind her; but where +is the woman who does not do that, and who would think the better of +her if she didn't? Dolly wasn't a thief by a long way--but her +shopping mania was wild enough to be written about, and she bought +thousands of pounds' worth of goods in London, just for the mere +pleasure of ordering them and nothing more. + +I often laugh when I think how she fooled the tradesmen in Bond Street +and the West End. Just imagine them bowing and scraping when she told +'em to send home a thousand-pound tiara, or a two-hundred-guinea white +fox, and promised they should be paid on delivery. Why, they strewed +her path with bows and smiles--and when they sent home the goods to a +flat by Regent's Park--an address she always gave--they found it empty +and no one there to take delivery. No more bows and smiles after that; +but what could they do, and what offence had she committed? That was +just what the 'tec asked me, and I could not answer. + +"We know most of 'em," he said, "but she's a right-down finger-print +from the backwoods. Nathaniel St. John cables from New York that he +doesn't know her, but will be pleased to make her acquaintance, if +we'll frank her over. I tell these people they can sue her--but, man, +you might as well sue the statue of Oliver Cromwell----" + +"He being stony-broke likewise," said I. "Well, she had a run for her +money, and here's good luck to her. I hope that I haven't seen her for +the last time." + +"If you have," says he, "put me in Madame Tussaud's. When next you +hear of Dolly St. John it will be in something big. Remember that when +the day comes." + +I told him I would not forget it, and we parted upon it. Dolly was a +pretty bit of goods for a tea-party, but a driver sees too many faces +to keep one over-long in his memory, and I will say straight out, that +I had forgotten her very name when next I saw her, and was just about +the most astonished man inside the four-mile radius when I picked her +up one fine afternoon at a West End hotel, and she told me we were +going to drive into the country together. + +"But," says I, "this car has been hired by Miss Phyllis More----" + +"Oh, you stupid man!" cried she. "Don't you see that I am Miss Phyllis +More? I thought you were clever enough to understand that ladies +change their names sometimes, Britten. Now, why shouldn't I be Phyllis +More if I wish to? Are you going to be unkind enough to tell people +about it? I'm sure you are not, for you were so very good to me when +last I was in England." + +Now all this took place in her private room, to which I had been sent +up by the porter. Three months had passed since I drove Dolly and the +Honorary John, but not a whit had she changed; and I found her just the +same seductive little witch with the dimples and the curly brown hair, +who had played the deuce with the West End tradesmen last +Christmas-time. Beautifully dressed in green, with a pretty motor +veil, she was a picture I must say; and when I looked at her and +remembered Hook-Nosed Moss, our traffic manager at the Empire Company, +and how he docked me four and nine last Saturday, I swore I'd take her; +yes, if she ordered me to drive through to San Francisco. + +"I don't suppose I ought to do it, miss," I said, "unless your uncle in +New York has left you anything----" + +"Oh," she burst out, laughing as she said it, "he's dead, Britten; +besides, I don't want any uncles now, for I shall marry Mr. Sarand +directly Lord Badington gives his consent--and that won't be long, for +we are going down to his house to-night to get it." + +I told her frankly that I was glad to hear it, and that I thought Mr. +Sarand a very lucky gentleman. What's more, I believed her story, and +I knew that if this marriage came off, there would not be much trouble +about my firm's seventy-five, and that half the tradesmen in London +would be running after Dolly again inside a week. So I made up my mind +to do it, and, sending a wire back to the yard, telling them that the +lady wanted the car for two or three days, and explaining to her that I +must buy myself some luggage as she went--for I do like a clean collar +of evenings--I was ready for Miss Phyllis More, and not at all +displeased with the venture. + +"She'd been hard put to it to keep going in London, while John did the +courting," said I to myself, "and that's what caused her to change her +name. If she doesn't catch him, we're another twenty-five down, and +Moss will have to turn Jew. Well, I can get plenty of jobs as good as +his, and there aren't many Dolly St. Johns in the world, all said and +done. I'll risk it, and take my gruelling afterwards. What's more, if +Mr. John's papa don't come up to the scratch, I'll put a word in for +myself. It would make a line in the newspapers anyway, and who knows +but what we mightn't both get engaged at the halls?" + +Of course, this was only my way of putting it; but I really was pleased +to be driving such a pretty girl again; and when her old cane trunk +came down, and we fixed it on to the grid behind, and half a dozen +hat-boxes littered up the back seats, I felt that old times had come +again, and that I was one of the luckiest drivers in the country. + +"How far are we going, miss?" I asked her when all was ready. + +"To Lord Badington's house--near Sandwich in Kent." + +"It's a longish run, and we shan't get there before dark." + +"Oh," says she, "they don't expect me until quite late; indeed, I don't +think Lord Badington himself returns before the last train from town." + +I noticed that she laid a lot of stress upon the words, "Lord +Badington," for the benefit of the hotel porters, no doubt; but I +wasn't angry with her for that, remembering that she was a single +woman, and perhaps unprotected; and without any more words we set out +across Westminster Bridge, and were very soon picking our way down the +Old Kent Road. A couple of hours later we came to Maidstone, where we +had tea; it was a quarter past five precisely when we made a new start +for Canterbury, and a good hour and a half later when we entered that +musty old town. + +I shall never forget that journey, the country just showing the buds of +spring, the roads white and beautiful, the twenty Renault running as +smooth as a beautiful clock. Three months had passed since I had +driven Miss Dolly, and this was the month of May. Yet here she was, +just the same wicked little witch as ever, trotting round on a wild +errand, and about to come out best, I could swear. As for me, I had +the sack before me for a certainty; but little I cared for that. Who +would have done, with Dolly St. John for his passenger? + +We drove through Canterbury, I say, and set the car going her best on +the fair road after Sturry is passed. I know the country hereabouts +pretty well, being accustomed to visit fashionable watering-places from +time to time, and well acquainted with Ramsgate and Margate, to say +nothing of Deal and Dover. My road lay by Monkton, down toward Pegwell +Bay, and it was just at the entrance to Minster that Dolly made me stop +without much warning, and took me into her confidence for the first +time. + +"Britten," says she, "there is something I didn't tell you, but which I +think I ought to tell you now. I'm not asked to Lord Badington's house +at all." + +"Not asked," said I, with a mouth wide enough open to swallow a pint of +gear-box "B." "Then what's the good of going there, if you're not +invited?" + +"Oh," says she, more sweetly than ever, "I think they'll be glad to +have me if I do get inside, Britten; but we shall have to act our parts +very well." + +I laughed at this. + +"Seeing that neither of us is in the theatrical line, I don't suppose +that anybody is going to take me for Sir Beerbohm Tree, or you for the +Merry Widow," says I, "but, anyway, I'll do my best." + +This pleased her, and she looked at me out of her pretty eyes, just +sweet enough to make a man think himself a beauty. + +"You see, Britten," says she, "if the car broke down just outside Lord +Badington's house, perhaps they would give me shelter for the night; at +least, I hope they would, and if they would not, well, it doesn't +really matter, and we can go and stop at the hotel at Sandwich. It +would have to be a real breakdown, for Lord Badington keeps motor-cars +of his own, and his drivers would be sure to be clever at putting +anything right----" + +"Oh," says I, quickly enough, "if they can get this car right when I +have done with it, I'll put up statues to 'em in the British Museum. +You say no more, miss. We'll break down right enough, and if you are +not breakfasting with his lordship to-morrow morning, don't blame me." + +She nodded her head; and I could swear the excitement of it set her +eyes on fire. Lord Badington's house, you must know, stands +overlooking Pegwell Bay, not very far from the golf links, while the +Ramsgate Road runs right before its doors. There is nothing but a bit +of an inn near by, and not a cottage in sight. I saw that the place +could not have been better chosen, and fifty yards from the big iron +gates I got off my seat and prepared for business. + +"You're really sure that you mean this, miss?" I asked her, knowing +what women are. "You won't change your mind afterwards, and blame me +because the car isn't going?" + +"How can you ask such a thing?" was her answer. "Doesn't my whole +future depend on our success, Britten?" + +"Then you won't have long to wait," I rejoined, and, opening the +bonnet, I set to work upon the magneto, and in twenty minutes had done +the job as surely as it could have been done by the makers themselves. + +"If this car is going on to-night," said I, "some one will have to push +it. Now will you please tell me what is the next move, miss, for I'm +beginning to think I should like my supper?" + +She was down on the road herself by this time, and pretty enough she +looked in her motor veil, and the beautiful sables which Mr. Sarand had +given her last winter. When she told me to go on to the house, and to +say that a lady's motor-car had broken down at the gates, I would have +laid twenty to one on the success of her scheme, always provided that +we weren't left to the menials who bark incivilities at a nobleman's +door. Here luck stood by Miss Dolly, for hardly had I pulled the great +bell at Lord Badington's gate when his own car came flying up the +drive, with his lordship himself sitting in the back of it. + +"What do you want, my man?" he asked, in a quick, sharp tone--he's a +wonder for fifty-two, and there has been no smarter man in the Guards +since he left them. "Where do you come from?" + +"Begging your pardon, sir," said I, for I didn't want to pretend that I +knew him for a lord, "but my mistress's car has come by a bit of +trouble, and she sent me to ask if any one could help her." + +"What, you're broken down----" + +"It's just that, sir; magneto gone absolutely wrong. I shall have to +be towed if I go any further to-night." + +He stood on the steps beside me, and seemed to hesitate an instant. A +word and he would have told his own chauffeur to drive us on to +Sandwich; but it was never spoken, and I'll tell you why. Miss Dolly +herself had followed me up the drive, and she arrived upon the scene at +that very instant. + +"Oh, I am so sorry to trouble you," she cried in her sweetest voice, +"but my car's gone all wrong, and I'm so tired and hungry, I don't know +what to do. Will you let me rest here just a little while?" + +Talk about actresses; there isn't one of 'em in the West End would have +done half so well. There she was, looking the picture of distress, and +there was his lordship, twisting his moustache, and eyeing her as one +who was at his wits' end to know what to do. If he didn't take long to +come to a resolution, put it down to Dolly's blue eyes--he couldn't see +the colour of them at that time of night, but he could feel them, I'll +be bound; and, jumping, as it were, to a conclusion he turned to his +man and gave him an order. + +"This lady will stay here to-night," he said. "Go and help her driver +to get the car in, and see that he is looked after," and without +another word he waited for Miss Dolly to enter the house. Believe me, +I never thought Mr. John's stock stood higher--and "Britten, my boy," +says I to myself, "if this isn't worth a cool fifty when the right time +comes, don't you never drive a pretty girl no more." + +I had a rare lark that night, partly with Biggs, his lordship's +chauffeur, and partly with a motor expert who came along on a bicycle, +and said he'd have my Renault going in twenty minutes. I'm not one +that can stand a billet in servants' quarters, and I chose rather to +put up at the little inn down by the bay and take my luck there. It +was here that Biggs came after supper, and he and the motor expert got +going on my high-tension magneto. + +Bless the pair of them, they might have been a month there, and no +better off--for, you must know that I had taken out the armature, and +if you take out an armature and don't slip a bit of soft iron in after +it, your magnets are done for, and will never be worth anything again +until they are re-magnetised. This baffled the pair of them, and they +were there until after eleven o'clock, drinking enough beer to float a +barge, and confessing that it was a mystery. + +"Never see such a thing in ten years' experience," said the motor +expert. + +"I'm blowed if I don't think the devil has got inside the magneto," +said Biggs; and there I agreed with him. For wasn't it Miss Dolly who +had done it, and isn't she--but there, that wouldn't be polite to the +sex, so I won't write it down. + +I learned from Biggs that Lord Badington's daughter and stepson were +staying in the house with him, and a couple of old gentlemen, who, when +they weren't making laws at Westminster, were making fools of +themselves on the links at Sandwich. It was a golfing party, in fact, +and next morning early, Biggs took them on to Prince's--and, will you +believe me?--the car came back for the ladies by-and-by, and off went +Miss Dolly, as calmly as though she had known them all her life. Not a +word to me, not a word about going on, or getting the car ready, but +just a nod and a laugh as she went by, and a something in her eyes +which seemed to say, "Britten, I'm doing famously, and I haven't +forgotten you." + +The same afternoon about tea-time she sent for me, and had a word with +me in the hall. I learned then that she had promised to stop until the +following morning, and she asked, in a voice which nobody could +mistake, if the car would be ready. When I told her that I was waiting +for a new magneto from London I thought she would kiss me on the spot. + +"Oh, Britten," she said in a whisper, "suppose we couldn't get on for +three or four days." + +"In that case," said I, "I should consider that we were really +unfortunate, miss, but I'll do my best." + +"Are you comfortable at the inn, Britten?" + +"Putting on flesh rapidly, miss. I never knew there were so many red +herrings in the world." + +"And your room?" + +"They built it when they thought the King was coming to Sandwich." + +She laughed and looked at me, and, just as I was leaving, she +whispered, "Do make it three or four days, Britten," and I promised her +with a glance she could not mistake. And why not? What was against +us? Was it not all plain sailing? Truly so, but for one little fact. +I'll tell you in a word--Hook-Nosed Moss and the old bill he carried +about like a love-letter--a bill against Dolly St. John for +seventy-five pounds sixteen shillings and fourpence. + +Well, Moss came down from town suddenly on the second afternoon, and +while he carried a new magneto under his arm, the bill was in his +pocket right enough. I was standing at the inn door as he drove up in +a fly, and when I recognised the face, you might have knocked me down +with a cotton umbrella. Not, mind you, that I lost my presence of +mind, or said anything foolish, but just that I felt sorry enough for +Dolly St. John to risk all I'd got in the world to save her from this +land shark. That Moss had found her out, I did not doubt for an +instant, and his first words told me I was right. + +"Do you know who you've been trotting about the country?" he asked, as +he stepped down. I replied that I did not, but that I believed the +lady to be a relative of Lord Badington's. Then he was fair angry. + +"Lord Badington be d----d," he said, speaking through his nose as he +always did, "her dabe's Dolly Sid John, and she's the sabe who did us +id de winter. I wonder you were such a precious fool as not to +recognise her. Do you mean to dell me you didn't dow her?" + +"What!" I cried, opening my eyes wide, "she Dolly St. John! Well, you +do surprise me; and she gone to Dover this very afternoon--leastwise, +if it isn't to Dover, it's to Folkestone--but Biggs would tell us. Are +you quite sure about it, sir?" + +He swore he was sure, and went on to tell me that if I hadn't been the +greatest chump in Europe I would have known it from the start. + +"Where are your eyes?" he kept asking me; "do you mean to say you can +drive a woman for ted days in London and not dow her again three months +afterwards? A fine sort of chap you are. You deserve a statue in the +Fools' Museum, upod my word you do. Now take me to the car, and let's +see what's the matter. I'll have more to say to you whed we're in +London, you mark that, my man." + +I didn't give him any cheek, much as I would have liked to. My game +was to protect Miss Dolly as far as I was able, and to hold my tongue +for her sake. + +Clearly her position was perilous. If this dun of a Jew went up to the +house, and told them her name was not More, but St. John, the fat would +be in the fire with a vengeance, and her chance of marrying John Sarand +about equal to mine of mating with the crowned heads of Europe. What +to do I knew no more than the dead. I had no messenger to send up to +the house; I dare not leave Moss to get talking to the people of the +inn; and there I was, helping him to fit and time the new magneto, and +just feeling I'd pay ten pounds for the privilege of knocking him down +with his own spanner. + +We finished the job in about half an hour, and the Renault started up +at once. Moss hadn't spoken of Miss Dolly while we were at work; but +directly the engine started he remembered his business, and turned on +me like a fury. + +"Whed did you say she started off?" he asked. + +"About two this afternoon, I think." + +"In whose car?" + +"Why, his lordship's, of course." + +"She seems pretty thick with the dobility. Perhaps I'd better give her +a chadce of paying?" + +I smiled. + +"There's boats to France at Dover," said I. "What if she's going over +by the night mail?" + +He looked at me most shrewdly. + +"I can't make you out, Britten," says he; "either you are the greatest +fool or the greatest rogue id my ebployment. Subtimes you seeb clever +enough, too. Suppose we rud the car over to Dover and see what's doing +there." + +"Yes," said I, "and you can telephone to the pier at Folkestone to have +her stopped if she's sailing from there." + +He snapped his fingers and smiled all over his face. + +"That's it!" he cried. "If she's leaving the coudtry I'll arrest her. +I wish you'd been half as sharp when you picked her up id London." + +"It's these motor veils," said I. "You can't expect a man to see +through three thicknesses of shuffon--now can you, Mr. Moss?" + +It was a lucky shot, and, upon my word, I really do believe that I +began to wheedle him, Whether I did, or whether I did not, we had the +car upon the road in ten minutes, and were off for Dover before a +quarter of an hour had passed. Previous to that I had slipped into the +inn on the pretence of leaving my coat, and had left a letter for Miss +Dolly to be taken up by Biggs, when he came there to meet me for our +evening walk. "Moss is here," I wrote, "look out for yourself." + +I laugh now when I think of that journey to Dover, and old Shekels Moss +sitting like a hawk on the seat beside me. What lies I had to tell +him--what starts I gave him, when I pointed out that she might have +gone by the afternoon boat, or perhaps motored right on to Southampton. +My own idea was to stop the night at Dover, whatever happened, and no +sooner had we drawn up at the "Lord Warden," than I had a penknife into +the off front tyre, and turned my back when the wind fizzed out. This +stopped the run to Folkestone straight away, and, by the time I'd done +the job, Moss said he thought he would telephone the police, as I +suggested, describing Miss Dolly, but saying nothing about his lordship. + +"He might do pusiness with us, Britten," he remarked. "I won't have +his dabe in it--but I'll tell him about her directly I get the chadce, +and she won't be long in his house, dow will she?" + +"Perhaps not," said I; "but if she marries his lordship's son, the boot +will be on the other leg. You'd better think of that, Mr. Moss." + +"What I want is my modey," he rejoined. "If she don't pay, she goes to +prison--I dow too much about the peerage to be stuffed with promises. +Either the modey or the writ. I'll feed here, Britten, and go back to +Sadwich, if she's not on the boats. Perhaps we were a couple of fools +to come at all." + +I said nothing, but was pretty sure that one fool had come along in the +car, anyway. My business was to keep Moss at Dover as long as might +be, and in that I succeeded well enough. Nothing could save Miss Dolly +if he went blundering up to Lord Badington's house with his story of +what she'd done in London, and how fond certain West End tradesmen had +become of her. Given time enough, I believed the pretty little lady +would wheedle his lordship to consent to her marriage with Mr. Sarand. +But time she must have, and if she did not get it, well, then, time of +another kind might await her. It would have broken my heart to see +misfortune overtake pretty Dolly St. John, and I swore that it should +not, if any wit of mine could prevent it. + +Moss took about an hour and a half over his dinner, and when he came +out he was picking his teeth with a great steel prong, and looking as +pleased as though he had done the hotel waiters out of fourpence. I +saw that he had come to some resolution, and that it was a satisfactory +one. There was a twinkle in his little eyes you could not mistake, and +he shook his head while he talked to me, just as though I were buying +old clothes of him at twice their value. + +"Britten," he asked, "are you all ready?" + +"Quite ready, sir," said I--for I'd just that minute shoved my knife +into another tyre. "Are you going back to Sandwich?" + +"I'm going to Lord Badington's," says he, with a roar of laughter, "why +not? I'm going to ask for Miss Phyllis More, and say she's an ode fred +of the family. Ha, ha! what do you think of that, Britten? Will I get +the modey or won't I? Well, we'll see, my boy--so start her up, and be +quick about it." + +I said "Yes, sir," and went round to the front of the car. My cry of +astonishment when I saw the burst tyre would have done credit to Mr. +Henry Irving himself. Perhaps I said some things I shouldn't have +said--Moss did, anyway, and he raved so loud that the ostler had to +tell him his wife and children were upstairs. + +"Another tyre gone--what do I pay you wages for? Adser me that! Who +the ---- is going to pay the bill? Don't you see I must get to Sadwich +to-night? A pretty sort of a dam fool you must be. Now you get that +car going in twedy minutes, or I'll leave you in the street--so help me +heaven I will----" And so on and so on, until I could have dropped for +laughing where I stood. + +It was touching to hear him, upon my word it was; but I held my tongue +for Miss Dolly's sake, and went to work quietly to take off the cover +and examine the tube for the cut I didn't mean to find. When I told +him presently that this was the last tube we had, and he'd better give +me two pound eight to go and buy a new one, I thought his language +would blow the ships out of the harbour; but he never gave me the +money, and then I knew that he meant to stay at Dover all night, and +that Miss Dolly had until the morning, anyway. "And by that time," +said I to myself, "she'll be off to London if she's clever enough, and +perhaps find Mr. Sarand at the station to meet her." + +I slept upon this--for you will understand that Moss had no real +intention of going on that night, after he heard about the tubes--and +at nine o'clock next morning I had my car ready, and drove her round to +the "Lord Warden." The run to Sandwich is not over-exciting in an +ordinary way, but I found it quite lively enough on that particular +occasion, when there were all sorts of doubts and fears in my head +about Miss Dolly, and the sure and certain knowledge that I should get +the sack whatever happened. Indeed, I might properly have been more +anxious about myself than the lady, for I never doubted that she would +have made a bolt for London by the time we arrived, and there was no +more disappointed man in Thanet when, on reaching the inn, Biggs told +me that she was still at the house. An inquiry whether he had +delivered my letter met with the amazing response that they had given +him no letter, and when I rushed into the house to ask what had become +of it, there it was, on the mantelshelf of the bar-parlour, just where +I had left it. Never did a man meet with a worse blow. I knew then +that Miss Dolly was done for, and I did not believe that the day could +pass and keep the police from Lord Badington's doorstep. + +I should tell you that Moss had called at the police station at +Sandwich as we drove through, and that a sergeant and a constable came +over to the inn on bicycles about midday. Their questioning me helped +them a mighty lot, for I contrived to look as foolish as a yokel when +you ask him the way to Nowhere; and all I could tell them was that the +lady had come down upon Lord Badington's invitation, and, when she was +tired of it, I supposed she would go away again. All of which they +took down in pocket-books about as large as a family Bible, and then +set out for the house, while I watched them with my heart in my very +boots, and the sort of feeling that might overtake a man if the police +set out to arrest his own sweetheart. + +Biggs, I should tell you, was with me when this happened, and mighty +curious he was about it all. Of course, I told him that Moss was +making a fool of himself, and that there would be a pretty action +afterwards if he didn't behave properly to Miss Dolly. None the less, +he was just as curious as I was, and directly the other party had left, +we followed on their heels, and were through the lodge gates almost as +soon as they were. As for Lal Britten, his heart went pat-a-pat, like +a girl's at a wedding. I could have knocked Moss down cheerful, and +paid forty bob for doing it with the greatest pleasure in my life. But +that wouldn't have helped Miss Dolly, you see, so I just trudged up the +drive after Moss, and said nothing whatever to anybody. + +Bless us all--how the chap did walk. There he was, head bent down, +shoulders sagging, his step shuffling as though he wore slippers, and +in his eyes that money fever which, to me, is one of the most awful +things in all the world. Even the police were rather disgusted with +him, I think, and the sergeant told me afterwards that he would have +paid fifty pounds to have got out of the job. For that matter, neither +he nor his underling said a word to Moss when they rang at the front +door bell, and they didn't seem to think it at all wonderful that Biggs +and I should be upon the doorstep with them. So all together we waited +quite a long time before old Hill, the butler, came jauntily along the +great corridor, and opened to us very deliberately. And now for it, I +thought--and oh, my poor Dolly, whatever is going to happen to you! + +"Party of the dabe of Miss More--is she sdaying in this house?" asks +Moss, half pushing his way in, and trying to look impudent. You should +have seen the butler's face when he answered him. + +"Who the devil are you?" he asked, "and what do you mean by coming here +like this? Outside, my man, or I'll put you there pretty quick." + +He took Moss by the collar, and, turning him about as though he were a +babe, shoved him on the wrong side of the door before you could have +said "knife." Then he turned to the sergeant. + +"What's all this, Sergeant Joyce?" he asked. "Why do you bring this +person here?" + +"Oh," stammered the sergeant, "he says that a certain Miss More----" + +"I beg you pardon," cried the butler quickly, "I think you should speak +of Lady Badington--my master left for Paris at eight o'clock this +morning." + +"What!" roared Moss--and you could have heard him on the Goodwin +Sands--"Lord Badington's married her?" + +"I believe those are the facts," says Hill, very quietly--and +then--well, and then I sat down on the doorstep and I laughed until the +tears ran down my face. Oh, Lord! oh, Lord!--and Moss's face! But you +will understand all that, and how the sergeant looked, and the smile on +the butler's face, without me saying a single word about it. + +"Take a week's notice, and be d----d to you!" cried I, turning upon my +master all of a sudden. "Do you think I'll serve with a man who sent +policemen after his best customers? You go to hell, Moss--where you +ought to have been long ago," and with that I just walked off down the +drive, and Biggs with me. Lord, what an afternoon we had! And the +night we spent afterwards in Ramsgate! + +For, you see, it was quite true. Old Lord Badington, who never could +look at a pretty woman twice without falling in love with her, found +himself mostly alone with Mistress Dolly at Sandwich, and, by all that +is true and wonderful, he married her. + +Not that she was Dolly St. John at all, you must know, but Dolly +Hamilton in reality; and connected, I am told, with the old American +family, the Hamiltons of Philadelphia. What she did in London was +done, I do believe, for the sheer excitement of doing it. And if folks +have called her an adventuress, set that down to the rogues of +trustees, who played ducks and drakes with her fortune, and left her in +Europe to shift as best she might. + +I got a hundred pounds for that job, sent by Miss Dolly herself from +Venice. Moss got his car back, and three or four punctured tubes. +Some day, I suppose, they'll pay him that seventy-five pounds sixteen +shillings and four-pence. But I hope it won't be yet. + +The Honorary John, they tell me, is very angry with his papa. But I'll +back an old boy every time--notwithstanding what is written in the +papers. + + + + +IV + +THE LADY WHO LOOKED ON + +I wonder how many nowadays remember that pretty bit of goods, Maisa +Hubbard, who used to drive the racing cars in France, and was the +particular fancy of half the motormen who drive on the other side of +the blue water. + +I first met her at the Gordon Bennett of 1901, and I must say I thought +her "sample goods." It's true that many would have it she was +over-well-known in America, and more than one young man got on the +rocks because of her; but the world rather likes a bit of scandal about +a pretty woman, and there's no shorter road to the masculine favour. + +Anyway, Maisa Hubbard was popular enough down at Bordeaux, and you +might still have called her the belle of the ball on June 26 in the +year 1902, when we started from Champigny for the great race across the +Arlberg Mountains. That was the occasion, you will remember, when two +of our little company did something by way of a record in smashing up +their cars--but the story of one of these, Max, who drove for a French +company, has so often been told that I shall certainly not re-tell it +here. The other is a different story, and since it is the story of a +good man, a good car, and a pretty woman, there's no reason why Lal +Britten should not put his pen to it. + +Well, I was driving for an English company at that time, the Vezey they +called themselves, though Wheezy would have been the better name. Such +a box of tricks I do believe was never put upon a chassis before or +since. It took two of us to start the engine in the morning, and the +same number to persuade her to leave off firing at night. The works +manager, Mr. Nathan, whose Christian name was Abraham, said that she'd +done eighty miles an hour with him easily; but the only time I got her +over fifty she broke her differential by way of an argument, and +nothing but a soft place in a hayfield saved me from the hospital. All +of which, of course, was good advertisement for the firm--and, truly, +if it came to making a noise in the world, why, you could hear their +car a good quarter of a mile away. + +This was the flier I took over to France and tried to break in upon the +fine roads we all know so well. As I finished the race almost before I +began it, the less said about the affair the better--but I shall never +forget that Paris to Vienna meeting, and I shall never forget it +because of my friend Ferdinand,[1] one of the best and bravest who ever +turned a wheel, and the right winner of that great prize, but for the +woman who said "No," and said it so queerly and to such effect that a +magician out of the story-books couldn't have done it better. + +I liked Ferdinand, liked him from the start. A better figure of a man +I shall never see; six feet to an inch, square set and wonderfully +muscular. His hair was dark and ridiculously curly, so much so that +talk of the "irons and brown paper" was the standing joke amongst the +racing men in Paris, who knew no more of him than that he was an +Italian by birth and had spent half his life in America. For the rest, +he spoke English as well as I did, and I never knew whether Ferdinand +was his real name, or one he took for the racecourse--nor did I care. + +They say that there is no cloud without a silver lining--a poor +consolation in a thunderstorm when your hood is at home and the nearest +tree is three miles away. There had been a thunderstorm, I remember, +on the morning I met poor Ferdinand, and my batteries had refused to +hand out another volt, notwithstanding the plainest kind of speech in +which I could address them. Just in the middle of it, when the rain +was running in at the neck and out at the ankles, and I was asking +myself why I wasn't a footman in yellow plush breeches, what should +happen but that a great red car came loping up on the horizon, like +some mad thing answering to the lightning's call--and no sooner was it +a mile distant than it was by me, so to speak, and I was listening to +my friend Ferdinand for the first time. + +"Halloa, and what's taken your fancy in these parts?" he asked in a +cheery voice. I told him as plainly. + +"This musical box don't like the thunder," said I; "she's turned sour." + +"Are you stopping here for the lady, or do you want to get back to +Paris?" + +"Oh," says I, "I haven't taken a lease of this particular furlong, if +that's what you mean." + +"Then I'll give you a tow," says he, and without another word, he got +down from his seat and began to make a job of it. We were at Vendreux +half an hour afterwards, and there we breakfasted together in the +French fashion. That meal, I always say, was the luckiest friend +Ferdinand ever ate. + +He told me a lot about himself and a lot about his car; how he had been +everything in America, from log-roller in the backwoods to cook in the +Fifth Avenue palaces; how he met Herr Jornek, the designer of the +Modena car, on a trip to St. John's to explore Grand River, and how he +had come back to Europe to drive it in the big race. His luck, he +said, had been out in New York because of a woman; to get far away from +that particular lady was the inducement which carried him to Europe. + +Here was something to awaken my curiosity, as you may well imagine, and +I asked him all sorts of questions about the girl; but to no good +purpose. His interest was in the car, one of the first made by the +famous Herr Jornek, and called the Modena after the factory in that +town. He told me it was unlike any car on the market, and that new +features of gearbox, ignition, and engine design would certainly stamp +it a winner if no bad luck overtook him. This persistent talk about +misfortune set me wondering, and I fell to questioning him a little +more closely about his story, and especially that part of it which +concerned the woman. + +"Who is the lady, and how did she interfere with you?" I asked. He +would say no more than that he had known her by half a dozen names over +in America, and that she was formerly a dancer at the old Casino +Theatre in New York. + +"She's done everything," he said: "gone up in balloons, ridden horses +astride at Maddison Square Gardens, played the cowboys' show with +Buffalo Bill, and sailed an iceboat on the Great Lakes. Whenever she's +out to win I'm out to lose. Make what you like of it, it's Gospel +truth. As certain as I'm up for one of the big prizes of my life, the +girl's there to thwart me. If I were what my schoolmaster used to call +a fatalist, I'd say she was the evil prophetess who used to play ducks +and drakes with the soldier boys at Athens. But I don't believe +anything of the sort--I say it's just sheer bad luck, and that woman +stands for the figure of it." + +I was troubled to hear him, and put many more questions. How did the +girl thwart him? Was it just an idea, or had he something better to go +upon? He did not know what to say; I could see it troubled him very +much to speak of it. + +"She puts it into my head that I shall lose, and lose I do," he said; +"it's always been the same, and always will be. When I rode that great +leaping horse, Desmond, and put him over the fences, she was in the +arena with a bronco, and she just looked up to me as sweetly as a +child, and said, "Ferdy, your horse is going to fall next time," and +fall, sure enough, he did, and laid me on my bed for more than a month. +After that I rode the bicycle match against the Frenchman, Devereux, +and there she was, dressed like a picture amongst the crowd, and +smiling like an angel in the Spanish churches. When I nodded to her +she called me back a moment, and just put in her pretty word. + +"Ferdy," she said, "that Frenchman can't ride straight; he's going to +run into you, Ferdy." Will you believe it, we cannoned together at the +last corner, and I was thrown so badly that although he walked his +machine in I couldn't beat him." + +He was serious enough about it all, and I must say that his talk put +some queer ideas into my head. I've never been a believer over-much in +luck myself, holding that we make it or mar it for ourselves, and that +what some call misfortune is nothing more or less than misdoing; but +here was a tale to make a man think, and think I did while he ate his +breakfast and went on to speak of his car almost as lovingly as a man +speaks of the new girl he met for the first time yesterday. Just as we +were leaving the hotel and he was getting back to his doleful manner a +bit, I put in my word and I could see that he took it well enough. + +"All said and done," said I, "there's a little matter of three thousand +miles between you and the lady just at present. Whatever may have +happened over yonder is hardly likely to happen in La Belle France, +look at it how you like. You should think no more about it, Ferdinand. +You're to win this great race, and win it you certainly will if I'm a +judge. Why, then, think about a woman at all?" + +"Because," he replied, and he was as grave as a judge at the moment, +"because I must; I've been thinking of her ever since I picked you up. +It's queer, Britten, but I do believe you're going to bring me luck, +and that's as true as Gospel." + +"And true it shall be," said I, "if good wishes can do it, my boy. +Let's go and get the cars. My box of tricks will be melted down if I +leave it in the sun any longer. Let's get back to Paris and have some +fun; I'm sure that's what you're wanting." + +He did not object; and the storm having passed, and my coil behaving +itself properly now that the damp was off the contacts, we jogged along +the road to Paris in company with many who were returning from their +morning practice, and just a few amateurs out to see the fun. We had +gone a mile, I suppose, when we met a girl driving one of the De Dion +motor tricycles, and no sooner had I seen her than she went by with a +flash and a nod; and I knew her for little Maisa Hubbard, of whom the +town had been talking for three days past. Then I ran my car alongside +Ferdinand's just to make a remark about it--but, will you believe +me?--he was as pale as a sheet, and his eyes were staring right into +vacancy, as though a ghost stood in his path, and he didn't know how to +get by it. + +"Why," cried I, "and what's up now?" + +He brought himself to with an effort, closed his hand about the wheel, +and then answered me: + +"That's the girl, right enough," he said; "you saw her for yourself." + +"Oh, look here, I can't take that. Don't you know Maisa Hubbard, who +drove the big Panhard last autumn?" + +"I know Maisa Hubbard who used to dance at the Casino Theatre in New +York, and she's the same. Didn't I tell you she'd follow me to France?" + +"You told me a lot of things," I retorted; "perhaps you dreamed some of +them." + +"Perhaps I did," he answered, and then I was sorry I had spoken, for +his face was as sad as a woman's in sorrow, and just as pitiful. + +"You want cheering up, my boy," said I; "wait till we get back to +Paris, and I'll take you in hand myself. It's over-driving that's done +it; I've known the kind of thing, and can understand what you feel; but +you wait a bit, and then we'll see. Didn't you say I was going to +bring you luck?" + +"I did, but not while Maisa Hubbard's in France. There's no man born +could do it." + +He was down enough about it, I must say, and a more melancholy driver +never steered a car into Champigny--the place where the great race was +to start from, and our destination for the time being. When we had +done the necessary tuning up and had cleaned ourselves, I took +Ferdinand back to Paris, and gave him a bit of dinner at a little +restaurant near the Faubourg St.-Honore. + +When we had eaten five shillings' worth for three-and-sixpence, and +drunk a good bottle of sour red wine apiece, I took him round to +"Olympia," and there we saw the famous show they called the "Man in the +Moon." This didn't cheer him up at all, and once during the evening he +told me that he thought he'd soon be in the moon himself, or any place +where they have a job for damaged racing drivers. This made me laugh +at him, but laughing wasn't any good, and I had it in my mind to take +him off to supper at a little place I knew on the Boulevards, when what +should happen but that Maisa Hubbard appeared suddenly in the promenade +where we stood, and immediately came up to him with such a smile as +might have brought a saint out of a picture to say "Good evening" to +her. + +"Why, it's Ferdy!" she cried, "and he's trying to turn his back on me. +Oh, my dear boy, whatever do you look like that for?" + +He shook hands with her quite civilly, and made some excuse about the +show and his not feeling very funny about it. She had another girl +with her, and her brother, Jerome Hubbard, the "whip" who used to drive +with Mr. Fownes. When I had been introduced, she asked me to come to +supper at a place I'd never heard of, and declared that her brother +would have a fit if we didn't disburse some of his savings immediately. +The little girl who was with her (I shan't write her name down) was a +lively bit of goods, and I was ready enough to go if only to cheer up +"Ferdy," who, to be sure, had become a different man already, and was +talking and laughing with Maisa just as though they had been first +"cousins" for a twelvemonth or more. In the end we ate Mr. Jerome's +supper, and got back to our little beds at two in the morning: not an +over-good preparation for a great race, as any driver will admit; but +my friend seemed himself again, and I would have eaten half a dozen +suppers to bring that about. + +This was two days before the meeting, I should tell you, and I saw +little of Ferdinand until that memorable June morning, when, at +half-past three precisely, Girardot got away on his C.G.V., and was +followed two minutes later by Fournier on his Mors. I have taken part +in many a big race since, but never one which excited me more than that +famous dash from Paris to Vienna, which was to make the fortune of more +than one English house, and to bring the Gordon Bennett Cup to England +for the first time in the motor story. + +I firmly believed my friend Ferdinand was to win the race, and +presentiment goes farther in this world than many folks think. Such a +dashing, daring driver I never saw. His car was a wonder. I took +several trips with him before the race, and I do believe that we made +eighty or ninety miles an hour upon her--a miracle for those days, +though not thought so much of in this year 1909. What was more, he +seemed to have forgotten all about that little devil of a Maisa Hubbard +and her prophecies, and when we breakfasted together upon the morning +of the start I would have said that he was fit to race for his life. + +And what a start it was, notwithstanding the hour! What a roaring and +racing of engines, cars tearing here and tearing there, gendarmes +everywhere, men with silver on their heads and silver on their toes; +jabbering officials telling you to do twenty things at once, and +quarrelling because you did them. The enclosure itself was like the +meat-market at Smithfield on a busy morning. I never heard so much +noise in any one place before; and if there was a man, woman, or child +who slept through it in the peaceful village of Champigny, well, he, +she, or it ought to go into a museum. + +Of course, all this was exciting enough, and I caught something of the +fever when twenty soldiers pushed my old rattle-trap into the roadway, +and a very fine gentleman gave the signal to "Go." Upon my word, I do +believe there was just a moment when I thought I could get to Vienna +before the others; and, letting my clutch in gently, and telling Billy, +my mechanician, to make himself fast, I soon had her upon third speed, +and was racing as fast as the bad road would let me towards Provins. +This was a bumpy bit, to be sure, and if I had put her on the "fourth," +some one would have had to sweep up the pieces quickly. But I kept her +steady, though the great cars began to go by like roaring locomotives +on a down incline, and really she was doing very well when the offside +front tyre asked for a change of air, and we knew that it was No. 1, so +far as punctures were concerned. + +Well, this was twenty miles from Provins, upon a long and desolate +stretch of a poor road, with a distant view of the hills and a couple +of sleepy peasants out among the hay. We had been lucky with our draw, +and started early in the list, and you can imagine my surprise when a +car flashed into view and I recognised Ferdinand, who was almost the +last to get off, and must have passed any number of cars to overtake us +as he did. My word, and he was driving, too! His great machine +frightened you to watch it, leaping over the bumps as it did, and +threatening every moment to be flung sheer off the road into the +hayfield on the other side of the dyke. But there was a master at the +wheel, and with a cheery wave of the hand to us Ferdinand went by, and +was lost immediately in a mighty cloud of dust which rose clear above +the poplars. + +I need hardly tell you how glad I was to see him doing so well, and how +I laughed at all his foolish ideas about Maisa Hubbard. Win I felt he +would, though all the ladies of the Casino ballet came out to tell him +not to; and when old Dobbin, my own particular turn-out, condescended +to move again, I pushed on for Belfort, no longer deluding myself that +I was to be within a hundred miles of the winner, but hoping that I +should get to Vienna in time to shake "Ferdy" by the hand and to tell +him what a fool he had been. + +If I didn't say this at Belfort, where Herr Jornek, the designer of the +car, stood in between us and took Ferdy away for the evening to talk to +him, it was well enough said at Brigenz. There a second halt was made; +and although we turned in at an early hour, I had plenty of time to put +the idea of winning into his head, and the idea of Maisa Hubbard out of +it. All the world knows that we had to go through France, Switzerland, +Germany, and Austria for that big race, and the Swiss part was slow +enough, since no racing was allowed by the timid old gentlemen at the +capital. Indeed, if there is one country in Europe a motorist does +well to keep out of at any time, it is Switzerland. We simply rolled +through the place on that particular journey, and at Brigenz my friend +Ferdinand was high up in the list, none but De Knyff, Jarrott, and the +Farmans being ahead of him. I told him that if he got over the Arlberg +Mountains as his car ought to get, he was winner for a certainty. And +that was the point we stuck to until it was time to turn into our +little beds and dream about to-morrow. + +"I hear that the devil himself might be frightened to drive across that +pass at any speed," said I, "and there's your chance, Ferdy. You say +it will be the making of you to win this race. Well, you give your +mind to it, and don't shirk the risks, and you're as good as a winner +already. There isn't a car in the bunch can hold you on the mountains, +and you know it." + +"You're right," said he, "and I wish I could say the same to you. But +Lal, my boy, it isn't exactly a war-horse that you've got under you, +and I can't say it is. I'm not frightened of the mountains, and can +break my neck as well as most; don't think otherwise. If my luck +holds, Lal Britten has fixed it up, and I shan't forget him when the +shekels are paid out. You may think me a bit dotty, but this I will +say, that I never felt so sure of myself or of the car as I do this +night, and if confidence and a good engine won't win across the +Arlberg, then we'll give it up, Lal, and take to perambulators." + +"Not meaning any reference to the lady," said I; but his face clouded, +and I wished I hadn't spoken. + +"She's in Paris, and thank God for it," he exclaimed, rising to go up +to bed; "if she were here in Brigenz to-night, I wouldn't give sixpence +for my chances, and that's the whole truth. Now, let's go to by-by; if +we don't, I'll be dreaming of her, and dreams won't win laurel-wreaths, +as even you will admit." + +I let him go, and followed some ten minutes later to my own room. It +was just cussedness, I suppose, which kept me back, for, as I went +across the corridor of the first floor of our hotel I heard a woman +with a laugh which struck sparks off you; and turning round, there was +Maisa Hubbard herself in a fine Paris gown and a great straw hat, with +a pink feather in it large enough to decorate the Shah. She just gave +a pleasant nod to me and then went downstairs, while I made for my +bedroom, wondering what Ferdy would have said if he had seen her, and +what real bad luck brought her to Brigenz at such a time. + +Of course, she had come on by train. Lots of people did, to follow the +racing; and here she was with a merry party, just as simple-looking and +as guileless as a shepherdess at the Vic, and looking no older than a +school-girl. When I got up at four next morning I was full of +curiosity to know if Ferdy had seen her. But he was out at his car in +the "control," cheerful enough as far as he himself was concerned, but +mighty anxious about his mechanician, Down, who had broken his arm +trying to start up the engine, and had already been taken to the +hospital. A minute later I heard that our old wheezer wouldn't start +at all, and there it was, as though a special Providence had ordered it. + +"You can't move your own char-a-banc--the crank-shaft's broken," +Ferdinand said to me, as he asked me for the tenth time to get up +beside him; "I've got no one, and I'm going to win this race. If you +could conjure up a new crankshaft out of nothing, you would still be +three behind the last in, and all the town out to laugh at you. Get +up, Lal, and have done with it. I tell you I knew it from the first." + +Well, I stared at this: and having just a word with my mechanician +Billy, and being quite sure that the Vezey, however good she was at +going back on me, wouldn't go forward that day or for some days to +come, I left instructions for telegrams to be sent to England, and was +up beside Ferdinand without further ado. + +I have told you that he stood already high in the list, and so you will +understand that we hadn't long to wait for the word "Go!" Before that +could be given, however, and while the car was still in the "control," +who should come up to us but Maisa Hubbard herself; and, will you +believe it, I felt all my confidence, both in man and car, oozing out +of my finger-tips, just like water running out of a tap. How or why +that should have been I am not the man to say; but there was the fact, +that this pretty woman could work this magic upon me just by a look out +of her sly eyes, and could do worse to my friend Ferdinand, as I +plainly perceived. As for that poor chap, he turned as white as a +ghost directly he saw her, and I really thought he would never be able +to start the car at all. + +"Oh, my dear boy, I have been looking for you everywhere," cried she, +offering him a little bunch of red roses, just as though she loved him +dearly. "Now, won't you take these for luck? I'm sure you'll want +luck to-day, Ferdy. Do you know, I dreamed about you last night?" + +He said "Yes," and laid the flowers on the seat beside him. I could +see him licking his lips as though his mouth were dry, and presently he +asked her a question. + +"What did you dream, Maisa?" + +She shook her head and began the play-actress style. + +"Oh, I guess I wouldn't tell you, anyway." + +"But I want to know, Maisa?" + +"It was only a dream, of course--aren't they real sometimes, Ferdy? +Why, I saw you drive your car over the side of the mountain, just as +plainly as ever I saw anything in my life." + +He laughed quietly, looking at me with a look I shall never forget. + +"You're quite a wonder at dreaming, Maisa. Suppose I disappoint you +this time?" + +"Don't be foolish, Ferdy--you shouldn't have asked me to tell you. +Why, you're too clever to be such a silly, and you know it. Good-bye +and good luck. I shall see you in Vienna." + +He just nodded his head and let in his clutch with such a bang that he +nearly threw me over the dash. I could see that his nerve had gone to +the winds with the woman's words, and if wishes could have repaid her, +she'd have got something for her pains, I do assure you. As it was, I +could do nothing but pretend to laugh at it, and that I did to the best +of my ability. + +"Dreams go by contraries," said I; "any child knows that." + +"She didn't dream it at all," was his answer; "she said it out of +spite." + +"Why should she be spiteful----?" + +"You ask the man and his master. She's out for another car to win, and +will spoil my chances if she can." + +"More fool you, then, to listen to her. Make up your mind to forget +it. You can do it if you try." + +"Ah," he said, and upon my word I was sorry for him, "that girl's going +to be my ruin, Lal, as sure as we're on this car." + +"You speak like a coward, Ferdy--didn't you say I brought you luck----" + +"And you shall--I'll try to believe, Lal--I've thought it from the +start. If it wasn't for her----" + +"Oh, be d----d to her," said I; and that I really meant. + +We were on the starting line as these words were spoken, and in two +minutes we got the word to go, and the great Modena car rushed away +like some giant bird upon the wing. This was the crucial stage of that +famous race, when we had to climb the Arlberg Mountains and drop down +to Innsbruck. It was the day which saw Edge the proud winner of the +Gordon Bennett Cup, and the morning upon which Jarrott broke up his +bedroom furniture to stiffen the frame of his 70-h.p. Panhard. Our car +was not in for the Gordon Bennett, and our race did not finish at +Innsbruck, but at far Vienna--that is, if we crossed the terrible +Arlberg Mountains safely, and got down the other side with our heads +still upon our shoulders. This depended upon my friend Ferdinand, the +greatest driver that ever lived upon an ordinary day, but a mad devil +that morning if ever there was one. + +Oh! you could see it from the start. That woman's words had entered +into his very soul, and he did not deny that he believed his hour had +come. We were early away, and the two big cars ahead of us we caught +almost in the first hour. When we came to the mountain we began to +climb as though a magic wind was lifting us. Grand as the scene was, +with the mighty mountains towering above us and the valley full of +wonders spreading out below, I had eyes for nothing but the winding +road, nor thoughts of any goal but that of distant Innsbruck, where the +danger would be passed. Sometimes I wished that Ferdinand would change +seats with me and let me drive. No woman that ever was born would +frighten me, I thought, and yet I could not be sure even about that. +The words that were spoken in the "control" went echoing in my head. +"We were going over the mountain-side." Good God, if it were true! + +The climb up the Arlberg Mountains is a wonderful thing, but I would +have you know that it is child's play to the drop down on the other +side. Imagine a series of fearful zigzags with a sheer wall of rock on +one side, and on the other a precipice just as sheer, and so open and +undefended that some fellows in this race were driven almost mad with +terror at the bare sight of it. Luckily for me, I sat upon the +left-hand side of the car and could see very little of what was going +on; but I knew that our off-side front wheel was within two inches of +the edge more than once as we went up; and when we passed over the top +and began the descent I could have sworn that even Ferdinand himself +had lost all hope of getting down safely. + +Once, I remember, he gave a great cry, and shot the car over to the +inside with such a twist that our wheels scraped the very rock; there +were moments when he came to a stand altogether, and passed his hand +over his eyes as though he could not see clearly. By here and there I +thought he drove like a madman, swooping round a fearful corner with +our wheels over the very chasm, or dashing down a straight as though +nothing could save him at the bottom. If I called out at this and +implored him not to be a fool, he answered back that "What was to be, +would be"; and then he mentioned Maisa's name, and I knew he had not +forgotten. + +Well, as many know, the end came at that great dome of rock which looks +for all the world like St. Paul's Cathedral. I confess that I should +have been no wiser here than Ferdinand. We seemed to be following a +gentle curve round the dome, with the rock upon our left hand, and the +valley three thousand feet down upon our right. There was nothing to +tell us of the danger trap; and, thinking he had a clear road, +Ferdinand opened his throttle and we shot ahead like a shell from a +gun. Less than a second afterwards I had made a wild leap from my +seat--and Ferdinand, without a cry or a sound, had gone headlong to the +valley below. + +I suppose five good minutes must have passed before I knew anything at +all, either of the nature of this awful accident or of the good luck +which attended my leap. Lying there on my back, I became conscious +presently that I was in a thick scrub of gorse, which lined the road +hereabouts. It had caught me just as a spider's web catches a fly. I +ached intolerably, that is true--my whole body seemed numbed, as though +it had been hit with irons, while my leather clothes were torn to rags. +But, by-and-by, it came to me that I could get up if I chose, and when +I looked below me and saw the sheer precipice, and that nothing but a +bush stood between me and it, you may be sure I scrambled back to the +road quicker than a man counts two. And there I lay, trying to +remember what had happened, and what my duty called upon me to do. + +Ferdy and the car! Good God, what had happened to them? The sweat +poured off me like rain when the truth came back. Ferdy was over +there, down that awful precipice. Quaking in every limb, I dragged +myself to the edge and looked over. Yes, I could see the car, looking +like a little toy thing, far down in the valley. It lay wheels +upwards, in what appeared to be a little brook or river; but of my +comrade not a sign anywhere. In vain I shouted his name again and +again. The cars began to pass me, and, warned by my presence, they +took that awful corner safely; but not a man of their drivers guessed +that a good fellow had gone over, and that I was half mad because of +it. Away they went, with a nod and a shout, leaving that cold silence +of the mountains behind them, and Lal Britten crying like a woman +because they didn't stay. In the end I ceased to think of them at all, +and, going to the brink again, I shouted "Ferdinand" until the hills +rang. + + * * * * * + +He answered me--as I am a living man--Ferdinand answered me at last. +At first I could believe so little in the truth of what I heard that I +almost thought the mountains were mocking me and sending my voice back +in echoes. Then I understood that it was not so at all, but that my +friend really called to me from a place thirty or forty yards down the +road, where the scrub was thicker. It was the spot where our tank and +tool-box, cast ahead as the car swerved and went over, lay shattered on +the rocks. These I hardly noticed at the moment; but, dashing to the +place, I threw myself flat on my face and hung right over the precipice +to answer my comrade. And then, in an instant I knew what had +happened--then I understood. + +The car, I say, had swerved away to the right as she took the +precipice. The tremendous force of it not only sent all our loose +impedimenta flying down the road, which turned to the left, but it +threw Ferdinand sideways; and, although he had gone over, he fell, as +the newspapers have told you, just where the sheer wall bulged; and +here, holding for dear life to the shrubs, he waited for me to save +him. Such a torture I have never known, or shall know again. The +sight of my friend, not ten feet away from me, the precipice forbidding +me to go down, for it was quite sheer at the top; his white face, his +desperate hold at the scrappy shrubs--oh, you can't imagine or think of +the truth of it as I had to upon that awful morning. + +"How long can you hold on?" I asked him, clenching my teeth when I had +spoken. + +"Perhaps a minute, perhaps two. If you could get a rope, Lal----" + +"I'll stop a car," said I--a madder thing was never said, but I had to +say something--"I'll stop a car and make them help me. Perhaps my +shirt will do it, Ferdy." + +"Good-bye if it doesn't," he said quite quietly; and I knew then that +he was prepared for death, and had expected it; but I was already busy +with my shirt, tearing it up with twitching fingers, when he spoke +again. + +"Pity we haven't got the rope I towed you with the other day," he said +suddenly; and at that I started up as though he had hit me. + +"The rope--where did you carry it?" + +"It was in the tool-box," he answered, still quite calm. + +I think I shouted out at that--I know I was crying like a woman a +minute afterwards. The tool-box! Why, it lay there, against the rock, +before my very nose, the d----d fool! And the very rope which had +first brought our friendship about: was it accident or destiny which +put it into my hands, and did Ferdinand do right or wrong to say I +brought him luck? + +I shan't answer these questions--for he was sitting beside me less than +two minutes afterwards, and we were hugging each other like brothers. + + * * * * * + +Maisa Hubbard's friend didn't get first to Vienna, and pleased enough I +was. Whether Ferdy just imagined that she had an evil influence over +him, or whether it is true that some women are the mistresses of men's +destiny, I don't pretend to say. The story is there to speak for +itself. + +And Maisa, I may add, is in the halfpenny papers. Do you remember that +famous case of Lord--but perhaps it isn't my place to speak about that? + + + +[1] The names of the driver, Ferdinand, and the car, the Modena, have +been substituted by the Editor for those in Mr. Britten's own +narrative. The reasons for this will be obvious to the reader. + + + + +V + +THE BASKET IN THE BOUNDARY ROAD + +The doctors will tell you sometimes that motoring is good for the +nerves; and since so many of them now buy cars, and there's no man like +a doctor for looking after his own flesh and blood, I suppose they mean +what they say. All the same, I wish I'd had a doctor with me the night +I picked up Mabel Bellamy; for if his nerves had stood that and he +hadn't given himself quinine and iron for the next two months, why, I'd +have paid his fee myself. + +You see, it was a rum job from the very beginning of it. I was working +for Hook-Nosed Moss at the time, and, being Lent, and half the +theatrical ladies of position doing penance down at Monte Carlo, we +weren't exactly knocking a hole in the Bank of England--nor, for that +matter, even earning our fares to Jerusalem. Moss came down to the +garage in the West End gloomier and gloomier every day; and one morning +when I saw that he'd pawned his diamond shirt-stud (the same that we +called "The Bleriot"), why then, says I, Lal Britten, keep off the +Stock Exchange and don't put your last thirty bob in Consols, wherever +else you place it. + +Now this was the state of things when one morning, early in the month +of March last year, we were rung up from a public telephone call in +Bayswater, and the covered Napier was ordered for a house in the +Richmond Road, Bayswater--a locality with which I was unfamiliar, but +which Moss declared must be all right, since the gentleman who lived +there knew that we had a Napier car and therefore was in a manner +introduced to us. Half an hour later he discovered that Richmond Road +was nothing better than a mean street of lodging-houses, and, my word, +didn't he reel off his instructions to me like texts out of a copy-book. + +"Dot's a shame, Britten," he said, coming round by the bonnet of the +car, which I was tuning up for the trip--"I was deceived by the dabe of +the street. We must have our modey before they have the goods. Mind +that now, you dote drive a mile unless they pay the shinies. Three +guideas id your pocket and then you drive 'em. Are you listening, +Britten?" + +I managed to give him a squirt of oil out of my can--for we do love +Moss, and then I told him that Nelson on the quarter-deck of the +_Victory_ wasn't more alive to his duties. + +"Three guineas cash down and then I drive 'em. Is this a round trip to +see the beauties of Surrey, Mr. Moss, or do I return to my little cot +after the ball is over? I'd like to know on account of taking my Court +suit, if you don't mind." + +"Oh," says he, "you're ordered for ded o'clock, so I suppose id's the +light fadastic toe, Britten. But mide you get your modey--or I'll stop +your salary, sure. Three guideas and what you cad hook for yourself--I +shan't touch that, Britten--I dow how to treat my servants well." + +I laughed at this, but didn't say too much for fear he should find out +that he'd got a patch of oil as big as a football on the back of his +beautiful new spring suit, and when he had told me that the party's +name was Faulkland Jones and had given me the number of the house, I +got on with my work again and soon had the three-year-old Napier +running as well as ever she did in all her life. Nor did anything else +happen until ten o'clock that night, at which hour precisely I drove +her up to the house in the Richmond Road, Bayswater, and sent a small +boy to knock at the door. + +It was a twopenny-ha'penny shop, and no doubt about it; a two-storied +day-before-yesterday lodging-house, with a bow window like a +Metallurgique bonnet and a door about as big as the top of your +gear-box. + +So far as I could see from the road there was only one lamp showing in +the place, and that was on the off-side, so to speak, in a little +window of a bedroom--but the boy said afterwards that there was a glim +in the hall, and he was old enough to have known. Taken altogether, +you wouldn't have offered them thirty pounds a year for the lot unless +you had been a Rothschild with a cook to pension off--and what such +people wanted with a Napier limousine at three guineas the job I really +could not have said. This, however, was no business of mine; so I just +gave the lad a penny and settled myself down in my seat until the +Duchess in the apron should appear. + +It wasn't a long time I had to wait, perhaps five minutes, perhaps ten. +I told the police, when they questioned me afterwards, to split the +difference, for none but a policeman could have told you what it had +got to do with my story. When the door did open at last, a couple of +men carrying a basket came down the bit of a garden, and the first of +them wished me "Good evening" very civilly. Then they let the basket +down softly on to the pavement and began to talk to me about it. + +"How strong's your roof?" asked the first, speaking with a nasal twang +I couldn't quite place. "Will it take this bit of a basket all right?" + +"Why," says I, "it might depend on what you've got inside that same. +Have I come for the washing, or do I drive your plate to the Bank of +England?" + +The second, the taller man of the two, laughed at this; but the first +seemed very uneasy, and it was not lost upon me that he glanced to the +right and the left of him as though afraid that someone would come up +and hear what his friend had to say next. + +"I guess it's neither one nor the other," the first speaker went on. +"We're playing theatricals at the Hampstead Town Hall to-morrow night, +and these are the dresses. We want you to take them up to the Boundary +Road, St. John's Wood--I'll show you the house when we get there; but +it's called Bredfield, and you'll know it by a square-toed lamp up +against the side-track. Perhaps you can give us a hand with the +baggage--and say, have you any objection to gold when you can't get +silver?" + +He passed up a sovereign and I put it inside my glove. Moss had told +me to collect the shekels before I drove them a mile, and so I told the +pair of them as I was getting down the luggage ladder, which +fortunately I had brought, not knowing the job. A bit to my surprise +they paid up immediately, but I made no remark about that; and when I +had signed the receipt by the light of my near-side lamp, I helped them +up with the basket and soon had it strapped to the rails in a way that +satisfied even the nervous little man with the saucer eyes. + +Many have asked me if I had no suspicions about that basket, was not +curious as to its contents, and remarked nothing as we hoisted it up. +To these I say that the men themselves were the chief actors in the +business; that they lifted the baggage from the pavement, and that my +task was chiefly to guide it to the rails and to make it fast when I +had got it there. Otherwise, this basket was no different from any +dress-basket you may see upon half a dozen four-wheelers the first time +you look in at a railway station; and I should be telling an untruth if +I said that I thought about it at all. Indeed, it was not until we got +to the Boundary Road, and I stopped at the house called Bredfield, that +so much as a notion of anything wrong entered my head. There, however, +I did get a shock, and no mistake; for no sooner had I pulled up than I +discovered that I had come on alone, and that neither the big man with +the Yankee accent nor the little man with the saucer eyes had deigned +to accompany me. + +Well, I got down from the driver's seat, opened and shut the door as +though to be sure that neither the one nor the other was hiding under +the seat, and then I rang loudly at the front door bell and waited to +see what fortune had got in her lucky-bag. + +Had the men told me plainly that I was to go alone, I should never have +given the matter a second thought; but I could have sworn that the pair +of them were inside the limousine when I started away from the Richmond +Road, and how or where they got down I knew no more than the Lord +Chancellor. It remained to be seen if the people in the house were any +wiser; and you may be sure that I was curious enough by this time, and, +if the truth must be told, not a little frightened. + +Boundary Road, as many will know, is a quiet thoroughfare in St. John's +Wood, most of the houses being detached, and many of them having twenty +feet of garden back and front. This particular house was larger than +ordinary, and owned an odd iron lamp fixed above the garden gate and +conspicuous a hundred yards away. Unlike the shanty in the Richmond +Road, nearly every window showed a bright light; and I don't suppose I +had waited twenty seconds, though they seemed like a quarter of an +hour, when the front door flew open and one of the prettiest +parlourmaids I have ever clapped eyes upon came running down the path, +and asked, even before she had opened the gate, if the lady had arrived. + +"Why," says I, quickly enough, "that she certainly has not, being took +to dine with the Grand Duke Isaac at the Metropolitan Music Hall. But +her dresses are here, miss, and if you like to try on any of 'em before +she arrives, why, you're welcome so far as I am concerned." + +She laughed at this and came out on to the pavement. I have said she +was pretty, but that's hardly the word for it. If she went on the +Gaiety stage to-morrow, she'd be the talk of the town in a +fortnight--and as for her manners, well, it isn't my place to remark on +those. Affability appeals to me wherever I find it, and if Betsy +Chambers isn't affable, then I don't know the meaning of the term. + +"Where have you come from?" she asked me as we stood there; "have you +come from Scotland?" + +"More like from Scotland Yard in these times," says I; "why should you +ask me that?" + +"Because the gentleman said that his wife would be arriving from +Scotland to-night, but that he would not be here until to-morrow. I +wouldn't have stopped in the house for anything if he had not said she +was coming!" + +"Then you're alone, my dear?" + +She tossed her head. + +"Yes, I am, and that's why all the lamps are lighted." + +"Why, to be sure," cried I, "there might have been a man under the +bed;" but she was too polite to notice this, and I could see she was +very much afraid of sleeping alone in that strange house, and I don't +wonder at it. + +"I can walk up and down the front garden all night, if you like," said +I, "or maybe I could sleep on the drawing-room sofa, if you prefer it. +Is this the first time they have left you alone here?" + +She looked at me in surprise. + +"I was only engaged yesterday from the registry office in Marylebone. +This is a furnished house, and they have taken it for three months +certain. The gentleman comes from Edinburgh and the lady is an +American. They haven't got a cook yet, but hope to have one by +to-morrow. Whatever shall I do if they never come at all?" + +"Oh," says I, "try on her dresses and see how they suit you. Suppose +we get the basket in to begin with. Here's a chap coming who looks as +though he could lay out sixpence if he hadn't got a shilling; we'll +enlist him and then talk about supper afterwards. Is your name Susan, +by the way? The last nice girl I met was called Susan, and so I +thought----" + +"Oh, don't be silly," says she; "my name's Betsy, and if you squeeze my +hand like that, some one will see you." + +I told her it must have been done in a moment of abstraction, and then +I hailed the "cab runner" who was loafing down the road; and, what with +him and a messenger boy in a hurry, we got the basket down and lifted +it into a big square hall and laid it almost at the foot of the +staircase, up which we should have to carry it presently. + +Somehow or other it seemed to me over-heavy for a clothes' basket; but +I said nothing about it at the time, and, telling Betsy I would return +in a minute, I went back to my car to turn off the petrol and see that +all was shipshape. When I entered the house again, and almost as soon +as I had shut the door, the queerest thing I can remember happened to +me. It was nothing less than this--that the girl, Betsy, came toward +me with her face as white as a sheet; and, before I could utter a +single word or ask her the ghost of a question, she just slipped +headlong through my arms and lay like a dead thing. + +Now, this was a nice position to be in and no mistake about it. The +girl limp and helpless in my arms, not a soul in the house, me not +knowing where to lay hands on a drop of brandy, to say nothing of a +glass of water, and, above all, the peculiar feeling that something not +over-pleasant must have frightened Betsy, and that it might frighten me +before many minutes had passed. Listening intently, I could not at +first hear a sound in all the house--but just when I was telling myself +not to be a fool, I heard, as plainly as ever I heard anything in my +life, a sigh as of some one groaning in pain; and at that I do believe +I dropped the girl clean on to the floor and made a dash into the +nearest room in a state of mind I should have been ashamed to confess +even to my own brother. + +What did it mean, who was playing tricks with us, and what was the +mystery? I looked round the apartment and made it out to be the +dining-room, plainly furnished, well lighted, but as empty of people as +Westminster Abbey at twelve o'clock of a Sunday night. A smaller room +to the right lay in darkness, but I found the switch and satisfied +myself in a moment that no one was hidden there; nor did a search in +every nook and cranny near by enlighten me further. What was even +worse was the fact that I could now hear the groaning very plainly; and +when I had stood a minute, with my heart beating like a steam pump and +my eyes half blinded with the shadows and the light, I discovered, just +in a flash, that whoever groaned was not in any room of the house, +neither in the hall nor upon the staircase, but in the very basket I +had just laid down and should have carried to the floor above before +many minutes had passed. + +I am not going to state here precisely what I thought or did when I +made that astonishing discovery, or just what I felt at the moment when +I tried to understand its significance. Perhaps I could not remember +half that happened even if I tried to do so. My clearest memory is of +a dark, silent street, and of me standing there, bare-headed, with a +fainting girl in my arms, and a civil old chap with white whiskers +asking again and again, "My good fellow, whatever is the matter and +what on earth are you doing here?" When I answered him it was to beg +him for God's sake to tell me the name of the nearest doctor--and at +that I remember he simply pointed to the house opposite and to a brass +plate upon its door. + +"I am Mr. Harrison, the surgeon," he said quickly; "I am just buying a +motor, and so I crossed the road to look at yours. Tell me what has +happened and what is the matter with the woman." + +I told him as quietly as I could. + +"God knows what it is--perhaps murder. The girl heard it and fainted. +She'll be all right in a minute if I can lay her down. I never thought +any woman weighed half as much. Anyway, she's coming to and that's +something--if you could call a policeman, sir." + +He was a self-possessed gentleman, I must say, and, looking up and down +the street, while I set the girl down on the footboard of the car, he +espied the little messenger boy who had helped us to carry the basket +into the house and sent him for a policeman. Betsy had opened her eyes +by this time, but all she could say had no meaning for me, nor was it +any clearer to him. When we had got her across to his surgery and left +her there, we returned to the house together, and as we went I tried to +tell him just what had happened and how I came to be mixed up in such a +strange affair. The story was still half told when we mounted the +steps of Bredfield and walked straight up to the basket which had +scared the girl out of her wits and left me wondering whether I was +awake or dreaming. Now, however, I had no doubt at all about the +matter, for whoever was under that lid was struggling pretty wildly to +get free, and would have broken the cords in another minute if the +doctor had not cut them. + +A couple of slashes with a lancet severed the stout rope with which my +"bundle" had been tied, and a third cut the bit of string which bound +the hasp to the wickerwork. I stepped back instinctively as the +gentleman raised the lid, and so, to be honest, did he--the same +thought, I am sure, being in both our heads and the belief that our own +lives might be in danger. When the truth was revealed, my first +impulse was to laugh aloud, my second to set off in my car without a +moment's loss of time, and try to lay by the heels the pair of villains +who had done this thing. + +In a word, I may tell you that the basket contained a young girl, +apparently not more than fifteen years of age; that she was dressed in +rags, though apparently a lady of condition, and that when we lifted +her out it appeared that her reason had gone and that her young life +might shortly follow it. + +I've been through some strange times in my life; had many a peep into +the next world, so to speak; seen men die quick and die slow--but for +real right-down astonishment and pity I shall never better that scene +in the Boundary Road, St. John's Wood, if I live as long as the +patriarchs. + +Just picture the brightly lighted hall and the open basket, and this +pretty little thing with yellow hair streaming over her shoulders and +her bare arms extended as though in entreaty toward the doctor and me, +and such cries upon her lips as though we, and not the men who had sent +her here, had been her would-be murderers. I tell you that I would +have sold my home to save her, and that's no idle word. Unhappily, I +could do nothing, and what I would have done the police forbade me to +do, for there were three of them in the room before five minutes had +passed; and I might be forgiven for saying that half the local force +was present inside half an hour. + +Well, you know what a policeman is when anything big turns up; how +there's a mighty fine note-book about two foot long to be produced, and +perhaps a drop of whisky and soda to whet his pencil, and then the +questions and the answers and what not--all the time the thief is +running hard down the back street and the gold watch is sticking out of +his boot. + +I answered perhaps a hundred and fifty questions that night, and nobody +any the wiser for them. Notes were taken of everything: the time I set +out, where my father was born, what they paid me for the job, the +address of the garage, Christian name and surname of Abraham +Moss--whether I'd had my licence endorsed or kept it clean--until at +last, able to stand it no longer, I told the inspector plainly that +this wasn't Colney Hatch, and the sooner he understood as much the +better. + +"Here's my car and there's the street," said I; "will you drive to +Richmond Road and see the house for yourself or will you not? I tell +you there were two of them, and one may be there now. You can prove it +for yourself or let it go, as you like. But don't say it wasn't talked +about or I shall know how to contradict you." + +He came down to ground at this and consented to go with me. We were +back again in the Richmond Road inside a quarter of an hour and +knocking at the door of the house where I had picked the basket up +about two minutes later. A very old woman opened to us this time, and +answered very civilly that the two strange gentlemen had left for the +Continent by the evening train, and she had no idea if they would +return or no. They had always paid her regularly, she said, though not +often at home; while as for their room, we could examine that with +pleasure. The more amazing confession came after, for when she was +pressed to tell us something about the young lady, she declared stoutly +that she had never seen one, and that the Messrs. Picton--for so she +called her lodgers--kept no female company, and very rarely had asked +even a gentleman to their rooms. + +The inspector listened to all she had to say and then made a formal +search of the house. It would be waste of time to insist that he found +nothing--not so much as a scrap of paper or an empty collar-box to +enlighten him; but he gave strict orders that no one was to enter the +men's room upon any pretext whatsoever; and when he had locked it and +pocketed the key, he made me drive him back to the Boundary Road and +then up to the hospital at Hampstead, to which the little girl had been +carried and where she was then lying. Naturally I had the _entree_ as +well as he--for there were three or four swagger men from Scotland Yard +on the carpet by this time, and all of them mighty anxious to make my +acquaintance. From these I learned that the child was still incoherent +in her talk, and utterly unable to remember who she was or whence she +had come. Fright had paralysed her faculties. She might have been +born yesterday for all she knew about it. + +For my part, I had a strong desire to talk to the girl myself and put a +few questions which had come into my head while we were waiting; but +the police would have none of this, and the most they would permit me +to do was to look at her from the far end of the ward, which I did for +a long time, watching her face very closely, and wondering how +beautiful it was. + +When they sent me away at last I returned to the garage down West, and +so to my bed, but not to sleep. It must have been three o'clock of the +morning by this time, and I lay until I heard some noisy church-clock +striking seven, when I determined to stop there tossing about no +longer, but to get up and read the morning papers. Few of them, +however, had more than a brief paragraph announcing the fact, and we +had to wait for the "evenings" to discover the real sensation. My +word, how thick they laid it on--and what a hero they made of me. I +must have been interviewed a dozen times that day, and when the +following morning's papers came, I read for the first time that a +reward of five hundred pounds had been offered for the capture of the +perpetrators of this outrage, and that it would be paid by the Editor +of the _Daily Herald_ on the day that the mystery was solved. + +Of course, there were many theories. Some believed it to be a case of +abduction pure and simple, some of revenge; a few recommended the +doctors to follow the poison clue and to ascertain if the child had +been drugged before she was put into the basket. + +Speaking for myself, I had an idea in my head, which I didn't mention +even to Betsy Chambers, whom it was necessary for me to see pretty +often about that time, and generally of evenings. This idea, I +suppose, would have knocked the Scotland Yard braves silly with +laughing; but I had no fancy to share five hundred with them--more +especially since they took seven fifteen off me at Kingston last Petty +Sessions--so I just kept a quiet tongue in my head and mentioned the +matter to nobody. Perhaps it was unfortunate I did not; I can't tell +you more than this, that the next ten days found me walking about Soho +as though I had a fancy to buy up the neighbourhood, and that on the +eleventh day precisely I found what I wanted--found it by what I might +have called a turn of Providence if I didn't know now it was something +very different. + +I should remind you hereabouts that the case was still the rage of the +town, though hope of bringing the would-be assassins to justice had +almost been abandoned. + +The little girl now began to remember her past in a dim sort of way, +and had told the police that she lived in a foreign country by the +sea--which was not the same as saying Southend-on-the-Mud by a long +way. Her father she recollected distinctly, and cried out for him very +often in her sleep. She did not seem to think she had a mother, and of +what happened in the Richmond Road her mind recalled nothing. I had +seen her twice; but she was so frightened when I went near her that the +police forbade me to go at all--and I do believe, upon my solemn word, +that if it hadn't been for the witnesses they would have said I had +something to do with the job myself. + +This, be sure, didn't trouble me at all. What was in my mind was the +five hundred sterling offered by the _Daily Herald_ for the solution of +the mystery; and that sum I did not lose sight of night or day. To win +it I must discover the Yankee with the voice like a saw-mill, and the +little cove with the saucer eyes, and for these, upon an instinct which +I can hardly account for even to myself (save to say it was connected +with three days I spent in Paris eight months ago) I hunted Soho for +eleven days as other men hunt big game in Africa. And, will you +believe it, when I discovered one of them at last, it was not by my +eyes, but by his, for he spotted me at the very top of Wardour Street, +and, coming across the road, he slapped me on the shoulder, just as +though I had been his only brother let loose on society for the +especial purpose of shaking him by the hand. + +"Why," says he, "I guess it's the coachman." + +"Coachman be d----d," says I; "hasn't Pentonville taught you no better +manners than that? You be careful," says I, "or they'll be cancelling +your ticket-of-leave----" + +He wasn't to be affronted, for he continued to treat me as though he +loved me and life had been a misery since we lost each other. + +"Say," cried he, "you got through with the basket all right. Well, see +here, now; do you want to get that five hundred, Britten, or do you +not? I'll play the White Man with you--do you want to get it?" + +"Oh," cried I, "if it's a matter of five hundred being put in the +cloak-room because there isn't a label on it----" + +"Then come along," he rejoined, and, taking me by the arm, he led me +along the street, turned sharp round to the right into a place that +looked like a disused coach-house; and before I could wink my eye, he +dragged me through a door into a room beyond, and then burst out +laughing fit to split. + +"Britten," says he, "you're fairly done down. I've got the cinch on +you, Britten. Don't you perceive that same?" + +Well, of all the fools! My head spun with the thought; not at first +the thought of fear, mind you, though fear followed right enough, but +just with the irony of it all, and the rightdown lunacy which sent me +into this trap as a fly goes into a spider's web. And this man would +suck me dry; I hadn't a doubt of it; a word might cost me my life. + +"Well," I rejoined, knowing that my safety depended upon my wits, "and +what if I am? Do you suppose I came here without letting Inspector +Melton know where I was coming? You'd better think it out, old chap. +There may be two at the corner and both on the wrong side. Don't you +make no mistake." + +He laughed very quietly, and as though to make his own words good he +put up the shutters on the only window the miserable den of a place +possessed. We were in a kind of twilight now, in a miserably furnished +shanty, with the paper peeling off the walls and the fire-grate all +rusted and the very boards broken beneath our feet. And I believed he +had a pistol in his pocket, and that he would use it if I so much as +lifted my hand. + +"Oh," says he presently, and in a mocking tone which ran down my back +like cold water from a spout. "Oh, you're a brave boy, Britten, and +when you spread yourself about the tecs, I like you. Now, see here, +did I try to murder that girl or did I not? Fair question and fair +answer. Am I the man the police are looking for, or is it another?" + +I answered him straight out. + +"The pair of you are in it. You know that well enough--and the reward +is five hundred, to say nothing of what the police are offering." + +"You mean to have that reward, Britten." + +"If I can get it fairly, yes." + +"As good as to say you'll walk straight out of here and give me up?" + +"Unless you can tell me you didn't do it." + +He swung round on his heel and looked at me as savage as a devil out of +hell. + +"I did it, Britten--Barney, my mate, had nothing to do with it. Didn't +you see him sweat the night you picked us up? Barney's a tender-foot +at this game; he'll never cut a figure in the 'Calendar,' why, not if +he lives to be a chimpanzee in the human menagerie. Barney ought to be +holding forth in the tabernacle round the corner. Him do it--why, he +couldn't kill a calf." + +Well, I think I sat back and shuddered at this; anyway, an awful +feeling of horror came upon me, both at the man's word and at the +thought of my lonely situation, and of what must come afterwards. All +the calculations seemed against me. I am a strong man, and would have +stood up to this Yankee, fist to fist, for any sum you care to name; +but the pistol in his pocket, and the certainty that he would use it +upon any provocation, held me to my seat as though I were glued there. +And thus for five whole minutes, an eternity of time to me, I watched +him pace up and down the room, gloating upon his horrid work, and +wondering when my turn would come. + +"Britten," he said presently--and his voice had changed, I +thought--"Britten, would you like a whisky and soda?" + +"If it's only whisky and soda----" + +"What! You think I'm going to doctor it--same as I did Mabel's?" + +"I don't know to what you refer--but something of the kind was in my +head." + +It amused him finely--and I must say again that his attitude all +through was that of a man who could hardly keep from laughing whatever +he did, so that I came to think he must be little short of a raving +maniac, and that perhaps the Court would find him such. + +"Oh," says he, "don't you fear, Britten, I shan't treat you that +way--you may drink my whisky all right, a barrelful if you can. When I +want to deal with you, Britten, it will be another way +altogether--cash, my boy; have you any objection to a little cash?" + +I opened my eyes wide, telling myself, for the second time, that he was +as certainly mad as any March hare in the picture-books; but I said +nothing, for he had turned to a little wooden cupboard near the +fireplace, and before he spoke again he set a bottle of whisky, a +syphon, and two tumblers on the table, and poured out a stiffish dose +for himself and its fellow for me. When I had watched him drink it, +and not before, I followed suit, and never did a man want a whisky and +soda as badly. + +"Your health," says he--I believe I wished him the same. "And little +Mabel Bellamy's----" + +I put the glass down on the table with a bang. + +"Good God!" said I, "not Mabel Bellamy that did the disappearing trick +at the Folies Bergeres in Paris two years ago?" + +"The same," says he. + +"And you are telling me----" + +"That she was a very fine actress. Do you deny it, Mr. Britten?" + +I rose and buttoned my coat--but the black look was in his eyes again. + +"Britten," says he, "not in so much of a hurry, if you please. I am +going round to the _Daily Herald_ this afternoon to get that five +hundred. You will sit here until I return, when I shall pay you fifty +of the best. Is it a bargain, Britten--have we the right to the money +or have you?" + +I thought upon it for a moment and could not deny the justice of it. + +"Do you mean to say you did it for an advertisement?" I cried. + +"The very same," says he, "and this night, Mabel's fond papa, the +gentleman with the big eyes, Britten, will go to Hampstead and take his +long-lost daughter to his breast. She makes her first appearance at +the Casino Theatre to-morrow night, Britten----" + +I rose and shook him by the hand. + +"Fifty of the best," said I, "and I'll wait for them here." + + * * * * * + +Well, I must say it was a tidy good notion, first for the pair of them +to work a trick like that on the public just for the sake of letting +all the world know that Mabel Bellamy was to disappear from a basket at +the Casino Theatre; and secondly, dropping on the _Daily Herald_ for +five hundred of the best--and getting it, too, before the story got +wind. + +You see, the _Herald_ lost no money, for they had a fine scoop all to +their little selves, while the other papers gnashed their teeth and +looked on. Nor was the whole truth told by a long way, but a garbled +version about foreign coves who worked the business and bolted, and a +doting father who never consented to it--and such a hash-up and +hocus-pocus as would have made a pig laugh. + +Whether, however, the public really took it all, or whether it resented +the manner of the play, is not for me to say. + +Sentiment is, after all, a very fine thing, as I told Betsy Chambers +the night I gave her the anchor brooch and asked her to wear it for +auld lang syne, to say nothing of the good time we had when I took her +to Maidenhead in old Moss's car and pretended I was broken down at +Reading with a dot-and-go-one accumulator. Of course, Moss weighed in +with an interview. I wonder the sight of his ugly old mug didn't +shrivel the paper it was printed on. + +Anyway me and Betsy--but that's another story, and so, perhaps, I had +better conclude. + + + + +VI + +THE COUNTESS + +To begin with, I suppose, it would be as well to tell you her name, but +I only saw it once in the address-book at the Ritz Hotel in Paris, and +then I couldn't have written it down for myself--no, not if a man had +offered me five of the best for doing so. + +You see, she gave it out that she came from foreign parts, and her +husband, when she remembered that she'd got one, was supposed to be a +Hungarian grandee with a name fit to crack walnuts, and a moustache +like an antelope's horns set over a firegrate to speak of her +ancestors. Had I been offered two guesses, I would have said that she +came from New York City and that her name was Mary. But who am I to +contradict a pretty woman in trouble, and what was the matter with +Maria Louise Theresa, and all the rest of it, as she set it down in the +visitors' book at the hotel? + +I'd been over to Paris on a job with a big French car, and worked there +a little while for James D. Higgs, the American tin-plate maker, who +was making things shine at the Ritz Hotel, and had a Panhard almost big +enough to take the chorus to Armenonville--which he did by sections, +showing neither fear nor favour, and being wonderful domesticated in +his tastes. + +When James was overtaken by the domestic emotions, and thought he would +return to Pittsburg to his sorrowing wife and children, he handed me +over to the Countess, saying that she was a particular friend of his, +and that if her ancestors didn't sail with the Conqueror it was +probably because they had an appointment at the Moulin Rouge and were +too gentlemanly to break it--which was his way of tipping me the wink; +and "Britten, my boy," says he, "keep her out of mischief, for you are +all she has got in this wicked world." + +Well, it was an eye-opener, I must say; for I hadn't seen her for more +than two minutes together, and when we did meet, I found her to be just +a jolly little American chassis, slim and shapely, and as full of "go" +as a schoolgirl on a roundabout. Her idea, she told me, was to drive a +Delahaye car she had hired, from Paris to Monte Carlo, and there to +meet her husband with the jaw-cracking name; whom, she assured me, with +the look of an angel in the blue picture, she hadn't seen for more than +two years. + +"Two years, Britten--sure and certain. Now what do you think of that?" + +"It would depend upon your husband, madame," said I; upon which she +laughed so loud they must have heard her in the garden below. + +"Why, to be sure," says she, "you've got there first time. It does +depend upon the husband, and mine is the kindest, gentlest, most +foolish creature that ever was in this world. So, you see, I am +determined not to be kept from him any longer." + +"Then, madame," said I, "we had better start at once." + +I thought that she hesitated, could have sworn that she was about to +admit me further into her confidence; but I suppose she considered the +time unsuited; and after asking me a few questions about the car, and +whether I knew the road and was a careful driver, she gave me +instructions to be at the hotel at nine o'clock on the following +morning. So away I went, telling myself that the world was a funny +place, and wondering what Herr Joseph, the jaw-cracker, would have to +say to his good lady when she did turn up at Montey and laid her new +beehive hat upon his doting bosom. + +This was no business of mine. I am a motor-driver, and two pound ten +on Saturday is my abiding anxiety. Give me my wages regular, and the +class of passenger who feels for the driver's palm at the journey's +end, and I'll ask nothing more of Providence. So on the following +morning, at nine sharp, I drove the big Delahaye round to the Ritz, and +by a quarter past her ladyship was aboard and we were making for Dijon +and the coast. + +No motorist who knows anything of the game will ask me to describe this +journey, or to tell him just where he should stop because of the dead +'uns of five hundred years ago, or where he should hurry on because of +the livestock of to-day. I had a fine car under me, a pretty woman in +the tonneau, a May-day to put life into me, and a road so fine that a +man might dream of it in his sleep. And if that's not what the +schoolmaster calls Eldorado, then I'll send him a halfpenny card to +find out just what is. + +So let it suffice to say that we went at our leisure--slept at Dijon +and at Lyons, were one night at Avignon, and two nights later at Nice. +If there was anything to remark during the journey, it was Madame's +growing anxiety as we approached the Mediterranean, and the number of +telegrams she sent to her friends whenever we chanced to halt--even in +the meanest villages. + +The telegrams I had the pleasure to read more than once as I handed +them over the counter; but those that were in German were no good to +me, and those that were in French I could but half decipher. None the +less, I got the impression that she was in a state of much distress and +perplexity, and that all her messages were to one end--namely, that she +should have the right to go somewhere at present forbidden her, and +that the Baron Albert, whoever he might be, should be interviewed on +her behalf and persuaded that she was a lady of all the virtues. + +A final telegram to an English gentleman at Vienna capped all, and was +not to be misunderstood. It simply said, "I shall publish the story if +they persevere." And that seemed to me an ugly threat to come from so +pretty a sender, though of its meaning I had no more knowledge than the +dead. + +Perhaps you will say that I was a poor sort to have been reading her +telegrams at all; that it didn't concern me; and that I was paid to +hold my tongue. Well, that is true enough, and Madame had little to +complain of on such a score, I must say. To all and sundry who +questioned me at the hotels, I just said she was the wife of a +Hungarian nobleman, and that she travelled for her pleasure. When we +arrived at Nice, and an impertinent policeman got me into a corner, so +to speak, and tried to put me through the catechism, I simply said, "No +speakee Frenchee--Mistress Americano," and at that he shook his head +and wrote it down in a note-book about as large as a grocer's ledger. +But I plainly perceived that something more than mere police curiosity +accounted for all this cross-examination; and when Madame sent for me +to her private sitting-room that night, I guessed immediately that +something was up, and that I was about to learn the nature of it. + +I shall always remember the occasion, as beautiful a night of a +Southern summer as a man could hap upon. Still and starry, the sea +without a ripple; the ships like black shapes against an azure sky; the +lights of the houses shining upon the moonlit gardens; the music of the +bands; the gay talk of the merry people--oh, who would go northward ho! +if Providence set him down on such a spot as this? And upon it all was +the picture of Madame herself--of that lady of the gazelle's eyes and +the milk-white skin, as she invited me into her sitting-room and asked +me to sit down while she talked. + +You could not have matched her for beauty in Nice; I doubt if you could +have done it nearer than Paris and the Ritz. Dressed in a lot of +fluffy stuff, with a pink satin skirt, and arms bare to the shoulders +and a chain of diamonds about her neck--dressed like this, and so sweet +and gracious in her manner, talking to me just as though she had known +me from infancy, and asking me, Lal Britten, to help her--why, you bet +I said "Yes," and said it so plainly that even she could not mistake me. + +"Why, Britten," says she, "do you know what has happened to-day?" + +"Couldn't guess it if I tried, madame," said I. + +"Well, then, I must tell you: they won't let me go to Monte Carlo, +Britten. They say the Emperor forbids it." + +"But, madame, is there any need to ask the old gentleman's permission? +Aren't you an American citizen?" + +She laughed at my idea of it, and asked me if I would like a glass of +port wine, which I did to oblige her; while she took another as though +she liked it, which I have no reason to suppose she did not. + +"You see, Britten," she said, presently, "a woman is of her husband's +nationality, and so, of course, I am a Hungarian. That is why the +Emperor has the power to say that I must not be admitted to Monte Carlo +just at the moment when my dear husband is waiting for me there. Now, +don't you think it is very hard upon us both?" + +"It's very hard on him, madame, seeing you are in the case. I should +want to know him before I said the same thing for you, asking your +pardon for the liberty." + +She took no notice of this, but casting up her eyes to heaven--and at +that game Miss Sarah Bernhardt out of Paris couldn't beat her--she +exclaimed: + +"Oh, my poor Joseph, whatever will he think of me? I dare not +contemplate it, Britten--I really dare not." + +"Then I should leave it alone, madame. Is there no way of getting this +decision altered?" + +"None that I can think of, unless----" + +"Unless what, madame?" + +She tapped the table with her pretty fingers, and poured me out a +second glass of port wine. + +"Unless the mountain will come to Mahomet--but I guess you don't know +what that means, Britten, now do you?" + +She screwed her lips up to the kissing point with this, and looked at +me so tenderly that I began to feel nervous--upon my word I did. + +"Do you mean that your husband must come here, madame?" + +"Of course I mean it, Britten. You must fetch him--by a trick. Now +wouldn't that be splendid--say, wouldn't it be fine? If we could +outwit them--if we could make the Emperor look foolish!" + +I rubbed my chin and thought about it. There isn't much modesty in my +profession, but the idea of getting up against a policeman so far from +my humble home somehow put the brake on, and I found myself misfiring +like one o'clock in spite of her pretty eyes and her red lips, and her +"take me in your arms and kiss me" look. The Croydon lot are bad +enough, but as for the beaks at Montey--well, I've heard tales of them +and to spare. + +"It would be fine, madame, if we could do it," said I at last; "but +between talking of it here in this hotel and crossing the frontier----" + +"Oh," she cried, interrupting me almost angrily--and she has the devil +of a temper--"oh, there's no difficulty, Britten. Just drive to the +Hermitage after my husband has dined to-morrow night, and say that if +he wants the news of Madame Clara, you can take him where he will get +it. Don't you see, Clara is one of my pet names. He'll understand in +a moment, and you can drive him to this hotel. Are you afraid to do +that, Britten?" + +Of course I wasn't afraid, and she knew it. It was nothing to me +anyway, and I could always plead that I was her servant and an +Englishman, and didn't care a damn for this particular Emperor or any +other. None the less, if she hadn't smiled upon me as she did at that +particular moment--smiled like a daffy-down-dilly in April, and +squeezed my hand as soft as June roses, which the same appeared to be +done by accident, I might have left it alone, after all. As it was, I +had set off at seven o'clock on the following evening, and at a quarter +past nine I was asking at the Hermitage for Count Joseph, just as full +of the story I had to tell as a history-book of kings. + +A black and white _maitre d'hotel_, picked out with gold, replied to +this, and after talking to half a dozen waiters and sending for another +chap with a shirt-front like a Mercedes bonnet, they directed me to a +little hotel down by Monaco; and there the head waiter received me +quite affably, and said, "Certainly, the gentleman was at home." When +I had given my name, but not my business, I was ushered up, perhaps +after an interval of ten minutes, to a sitting-room on the first floor, +and there I found myself face to face with a fat, red-faced man in +evening dress; and if ever there was a martinet down Montey way, this +fine gentleman was that same. He was fat, I say, and forty--but to +write that he was fair would be impossible, for he hadn't more than +about half a dozen hairs on his head, and those had drifted down his +neck to get out of the wind. When I came in he appeared to be sipping +Cognac out of a long green bottle, and to be reading private papers +just as fast as he could get through them, but he looked up presently, +and a pair of wickeder eyes I do not want to see. + +"Who sent you here?" he asked. + +"A lady," said I. + +"Her name?" + +"Madame Clara." + +He turned and snuffed the wick of a candle standing on the table by his +side. From his manner I did not think him quite sober, but he appeared +to pull himself together by-and-by, and then he exclaimed: + +"Repeat your message." + +"I am to say that if you wish for news of Madame Clara, I can take you +where you will get it." + +Well, I thought that he smiled, though I cannot be quite sure of that. +Presently, however, he stood up without a word, and, going into his +bedroom, he brought a heavy fur coat and cap into the sitting-room, and +motioned me to help him on with them. When that was done, he opened +the door and invited me to precede him down the corridor. + +"I will see the lady," he said--and that was all. We were in the car +two minutes afterwards, making for Nice on the "fourth," and not a soul +to interfere with us or to do more than take a glance at our papers as +we passed the stations. Never had there been a lighter job; never had +a man helped a woman so easily. + +I thought about all this, be sure, as we drew near Nice and the end of +our game appeared to be at hand. The old women tell us not to count +our chickens before they are hatched, and that's a thing I am not in +the habit of doing; but the more I reflected upon it, the better +pleased did I feel with myself, and the greater was my wonder at the +lady's tastes. That such a pretty little woman, such a gay soul, such +a good judge of men--for she was a judge, I'll swear--that she should +have ever been in love with this sack of lard I was driving to +Nice--well, that did astonish me beyond measure; though it should not +have done so, knowing women as I do, and seeing how old Father Time +does stick his dirty fingers on our idols and make banshees of the best +of them. + +I say that I was astonished, but such a feeling soon gave place to +others; and when I brought up my car with a dash to the door of the +hotel, and the gold-laced porter helped the fat old gentleman out, +curiosity took the place of wonder. I became as anxious as a +parlourmaid at a keyhole to know what Madame would have to say to this +twenty-stone husband, and, what particular terms of endearment he would +choose for his reply. Certainly if pleasurable anticipation is to be +denoted by smiles, he found no fault with his present situation, for he +grinned like a gorilla when he got down, and, nodding to me quite +affably, he asked: + +"Upon which floor is Madame Clara staying, did you say?" + +"The third floor--number 113." + +"Ah," says he, adjusting his glasses and turning round to go in, "that +is an unlucky number, my friend," and without another word he entered +the hotel and left me there. + +Of course, I didn't expect him to talk to me, was not looking for a tip +from Madame's own husband, but I had expected a question or two; and +when he had departed the porter and I stopped there gossiping a bit, +for it was likely that the car might be wanted again that night--and, +to be truthful, I more than half hoped that Madame would send for me. + +"What's up?" asks the porter--he passes for a foreigner, but I happen +to know he was born just off Soho. "What's up, matey?" + +"Why," says I, "that's just what I'd like to know myself. Can't you +tell the chambermaid at 113 to find out?" + +"The maid's off. Is that old cove licensed?" + +"All in order at Scotland Yard," says I. "He's took out a license to +drive, and his papers are passed. That's my missis' husband." + +"Oh," he remarked, in a dreamy kind of way, "which one?" + +"Why, the gentleman who just went in." + +"Poor soul!" says he, in a most aggravating manner, "how fast she do +lose 'em. I wonder who pays for the headstones?" + +"Do you know her?" asked I, for his words took me aback. + +He shook his head at this, and then scratched it as though he were +trying to think. + +"Larst time," he said presently, "larst time she dropped one or two at +Cannes, I'm thinking---- But, Lord love me, what's that?" + +He stepped back on the pavement and looked up to the window of the room +113. I had heard the shindy as well as he--a regular scream, as though +a woman was mad in her tantrums, and upon that a crash of glass and +silence--while the porter and me, we just stared at one another. + +"Votes for women!" says he, presently, and in so droll a way that I had +to laugh in spite of myself; but before I could answer him, what do you +think? Why, out come the old gentleman, just as calm and smiling as he +had been ten minutes ago. + +"You will drive me back to Monaco," he began. I asked him by whose +orders; but at that he looked like a devil incarnate, and spoke so loud +that I was right down frightened of him. + +"You will drive me back to Monaco or spend the night in prison!" he +shouted. "Now, which do you prefer?" + +"Oh," says I, "in you get!" And in he did get, as I'm a Dutchman, and +I drove him back to the hotel at Monaco--which was about the hour of +one in the morning, and no mistake at all. When he got out at last, no +babe in frocks could have looked more innocent, and he just handed me +up a couple of louis, like a father blessing his only son. + +"You drive very well, my lad. Where did you learn?" + +"On a good car, sir. Henri Fourtnier taught me about the time of the +second Gordon Bennett. But I don't suppose you remember that." + +"Certainly I remember it. The late Count Zborowski was one of my +friends. Let me give you a little piece of advice. It is better to +drive for a gentleman than a lady." + +"I beg your pardon, sir?" + +But he waved his hand with a flourish, and crying, "A bonny +arntarndure," or something of that kind, he disappeared into his hotel +and left me to think what I liked. And a lot I did think as I drove +back to Nice, I do assure you--for a rummier game I had never been +engaged in, and that's the truth, upon my word and honour. + +It was daylight when I reached the garage, and out of the question, of +course, to think of seeing Madame. Speaking for myself, I was too +dog-tired to ask if she wanted me or not; and going up to my bedroom, I +must have slept till nine o'clock without lifting an eyelid. At that +hour the boots waked me in a deuce of a stew, telling me that Madame +must see me without a moment's loss of time. I dressed anyhow and went +down to her. Poor little woman, what a state she was in! I don't +think I ever saw a sorrier picture in all my life. + +No fluffy stuff and fine pink satin now, but a shabby old morning gown +and her hair anyhow upon her shoulders, and in her eyes the look of a +woman who has been hunted and does not know where on God's earth she is +going to find a habitation. I've seen it twice in my life, and I never +want to see it again--for what man with a heart would wish to do so? + +"Britten," she says, almost like a play-actress on the stage of a +theatre, "Britten, do you know what happened last night?" + +"Well," says I, "for that matter lots of things happened; but if you're +speaking of the gentleman, your husband----" + +"My husband!"--you should have heard her laugh; it was just like one of +the animals at the Zoo--"my husband! That wasn't my husband! That was +the Baron Albert--the man I dread more than any one in the world. How +could you make such a mistake, Britten?" + +I shook my head. + +"Madame," says I, "I'm very sorry, but I took the first one that came +along and answered to the name. It must have been the head waiter's +fault." + +She clenched her hands and began to step up and down the room, wild +with perplexity. + +"It was all planned, Britten--all planned. They knew that I should +send for Count Joseph, and this villain came from Vienna to thwart me. +He must have bribed the servants at the hotel. And now, what do you +say to it? I am to be banished from France--he swears it. They have +written to Paris, and the decree may come at any moment. I am to be +banished, Britten--driven out like a common criminal! Oh, what shall I +do? My God, what shall I do?" + +That was a question I couldn't answer, but it did seem a wicked thing +to treat a woman so, and I wasn't ashamed to admit it. + +"Is there any law in France that can turn you out, madame?" I asked. +She answered that quickly enough. + +"Certainly there is, Britten. I know all about it. They can turn me +out at twenty-four hours' notice." + +"Why not go to the American Consulate, madame?" + +"Oh, you don't understand. If my husband were but here! Oh, they +would not insult me then--even if you were my husband, Britten." + +Upon my life and soul, I believe that she meant it. There was a look +in her eyes as she stood before me which, unless I'm the biggest fool +in Christendom, told me what was what plainly enough. A word, and I +could have taken that fine lady in my arms. I would swear to it. + +And what forbade me, you ask? Well, perhaps I'd heard a smash of glass +last night, and perhaps I hadn't; but I do believe it was that porter's +foolish remark about "votes for women" which put me off more than +anything else. So I drew back a step and answered her with more +respect than ever. + +"I'll see that nobody insults you while I am your servant, madame. If +I may make a suggestion, I would advise you to leave this town." + +She looked at me thoughtfully. + +"And where should I go, Britten?" + +"Back to Paris, madame--they won't interfere with you there." + +"But my husband--my dear husband?" + +I shrugged my shoulders. + +"Perhaps Mahomet will come to the--er--em--to you, madame." + +It was her turn to laugh; but I soon learned that my suggestion was no +good to her, and for a very simple reason. + +"Ah," she said, "men are strange creatures, Britten. When we will, +they will not; and when we will not, why, then they give us jewellery. +I can't go back to Paris. If I do, a police officer goes with me." + +"Take him on the box and call him a footman--unless you prefer to make +for London right away, madame." + +She was emphatic about this. + +"I can't, Britten! I must stay in Paris. It is my last chance of +seeing Count Joseph before he returns to Vienna for the summer. Oh, is +there no way? Is it quite impossible?" + +I scratched my head. Something had been inside it for some minutes. + +"Would you care to sit on the box beside me, madame?" + +She was all ears at this. + +"Of course I wouldn't mind. Have I not myself driven a car? Count +Mendez taught me at Cannes last year." + +"Could you drive this car a little way on the road to Italy?" + +"Why, certainly I could. But how would that help us?" + +"Supposing," said I, "that you didn't mind my old mackintosh, madame. +I've got that, and a leather cap I keep for the cold weather. If you +would put them on and sit beside me, I think we might do it. You can +drive if there's any necessity to do so." + +She clapped her hands so loud that I thought they would hear us on the +Promenade des Anglais below. + +"I'll do it, Britten--as I'm a living woman I'll do it. Go and bring +your clothes. We may not have an hour to spare. I'll cheat them yet, +Britten. Oh, you clever man--you clever man to have thought of it." + +"We might start at dusk, madame. Pay your bill, and give it out that +we are going into Italy this afternoon. You needn't come back. I'll +find you a private room next door to the garage, where you can change, +and we can set off just like two drivers on the box-seat, and nobody a +penny the wiser. When you get to Paris I can take you to a little +hotel----" + +She was like a child about it. + +"Why, of all the clever men! You shall look after me in Paris. I +won't forget you, Britten, and I'm rich enough for anything--at +present. You shall stop with me until Count Joseph comes----" + +I thought to myself that it would be an over-long engagement in that +case; but there was no call to say anything of the kind to her, and +stopping only to repeat my directions, I went round to the garage and +made ready. If Madame herself was excited at the prospect of giving +the fat man the go-by, I was no less; and I assure you that no boy's +game I had ever played excited me half as much. Best of all was the +thought that our quickness would forestall them; and if the authorities +did decide to expel her, we should be on the road to Paris long before +the edict arrived. + +As to what might happen afterwards, I was indifferent; for Paris is the +same as London to a proper motor-man, and I am just as much at home in +the Champs Elysees as in Regent Street. So I left that to fortune, +and, setting about the plan, I had my things packed and the car made +ready under an hour, and at four o'clock sharp that afternoon I picked +up Madame and her trunks at the door of the hotel and set off boldly as +though to drive her to the Italian frontier. But I turned back before +we had gone a mile, and making straight for the little Italian hotel +next door to the garage, I smuggled her in without a soul being the +wiser, and out again as cleverly just after dusk. She was dressed then +just as I have told you--mackintosh up to her ears and a flat leather +cap, suiting her pretty face to perfection. But any fool could have +seen she was a woman twenty yards away; and I began to ask which was +the bigger idiot--me for making the suggestion, or she for taking it? +It was too late, however, to think of that, and trusting that good luck +might pull us through, perhaps looking on the whole affair as one which +was pretty near its end--and that no good end--I let the car go and +made straight for Brignoles. + +Quite what apprehension of danger was in her head or mine I really +don't know. Sometimes I think that she had a silly notion of what the +French prefect might have done to her, exaggerating, as women will, the +real situation, and dreadfully frightened of "foreigners." + +For myself, I wanted to get her back to Paris in spite of the attempt +to stop us; perhaps I wanted to be even with the red-faced man, who had +ordered me about last night; but whichever way it was, I could have +laughed fit to split every time I looked at that odd little bundle by +my side and thought of it as it was last night, all dressed in flummery +and rustling like the leaves. Nevertheless, I made no mention of it; +and, as much to her surprise as mine, we passed through Frejus without +any one stopping us, and drove right through the night without let or +hindrance. Not until dawn did I begin to ask myself some +questions--and they were awkward ones. What the devil was I going to +do with her in the towns? Why had I never thought of it? She was +wearing my long mackintosh, to be sure; but who would fail to recognise +her, and what would the talk be like? + +A hundred difficulties, not one of which I had had the brains to think +of last night, kept popping up like midgets in a puppet-show; and, as +though to crown them all, bang went the near-side back tyre at that +very moment, and there we were by the roadside, at five in the morning, +in as desolate a place as you want to find, and not the sign of house +or village wherever the eye might turn. + +Now Madame had been nearly asleep upon my shoulder when this happened, +but she woke up at the report and looked up all about her as though she +had been dreaming. + +"Where are we, Britten?" she asked. "What has happened to us?" + +"Tyre gone, madame. I must trouble you to get down." + +She woke up at this, and got out immediately. I could see that she was +more clear-headed than she had been last night, if not less frightened. + +"This was a very foolish thing to do, Britten. We are sure to be +followed." + +"That's as it may be, madame. I fear it's too late to think of it now. +My business is to get this tyre fixed up." + +"Will it take you very long, Britten?" + +"Thirty minutes ordinary. But it's a new cover and stiff--I'll say +forty." + +"Then I'll see to the breakfast. Wasn't it clever of me to think of +it? I've brought a Thermos and a basket. We'll have breakfast in the +little wood on the hillside. If no one follows us, I can be myself +again at Aix, and we shall get to Paris, after all. But oh, Britten, I +must look an object in your clothes. Why ever did you ask me to wear +them?" + +I made a dry answer. A man wrestling with a 935 by 135 cover isn't +exactly in the mood to compliment a woman on her frippery or talk about +the mountains. And I'm no more than human, all said and done, and the +sight of the food she took out of the basket made me feel well-nigh +desperate. So I turned my back upon her, and she went off to the copse +to prepare breakfast as she had promised. Not five minutes afterwards +I heard the hum of another car in the distance, and, looking up from my +wheel, I saw a great red Mercedes coming down the hillside like a racer +at Brooklands. + +I knew that we were in for it; instinct told me immediately that we had +been followed from Frejus or Nice, and that danger was aboard that +flyer, and would be up with us in less than two minutes. What to do, +whether to shout to Madame to run and hide herself--to do that or just +go on with my work as though nothing had happened was a problem to make +a man half silly. But in the end I held on tenaciously, and when the +big car drew up beside me, I merely looked up and nodded to the driver +as though to signal to him that all was well. + +"Bon jour," says he. + +"Morning," says I. + +"Vous-etes en panne, mon ami?" + +"Hit it first time," says I--for those words are understood by every +motor-man who's been in the Riviera--"in the pan and the grease +together. Where are you for?" + +"Brignoles et Paris. Mais ou donc est Madame?" + +I looked up, my heart beating fast, and took a peep into his tonneau. +The red-faced man was there right enough, but as fast asleep as a +parson over his empty port-wine glass. Could I persuade this bonny +Frenchman to get on with his job, we were half out of the wood sure and +certain. But could I? Lord, how my hands shook when I replied: + +"Madame est alle dans le train--Paree--Calais--moi je suis seul"--which +was rather good, I thought, though that was not the time to say so. + +Well, it seemed successful enough. The Frenchee took a look to the +right and a look to the left of him, opened his throttle as though to +let in his clutch and closed it again, took off his side brake, and +then, just when I was pluming myself that we were through, what do you +think the fool does? Why, turns deliberately round and wakes the +red-faced Baron. + +What passed between them I don't pretend to say, for the French went to +and fro like lightning between summer clouds. But of this I am +certain: that there never was such a devilish smile as the old Baron +turned on me when he got down from the tonneau and took a swift survey +of the scene as though sure already of his quarry. + +"Ah," he cried, "here is our faithful friend once more. Good-day, Mr. +Britten. I hope I see you well?" + +"You see me next door to the devil," said I--for out here on the +mountain side I didn't care a dump for him. Bluff, however, went for +nothing that morning. I had met my match, and I knew it. + +"Britten," says he, taking a big cigar from a case and lighting it with +provoking deliberation. "Shall we make a truce, Britten?" + +"Make what you like," says I. "This car has got to get to Paris to +fetch my mistress. If a truce will do it, I'm taking some, right here." + +He smiled again, but so softly that I could have hit him. + +"Where is she hiding, Britten?" he asked, almost in a whisper. "Where +has that very pretty lady chosen to conceal her charms? Come, tell me, +my lad, and I'll give you five louis. What is the good of being so +foolish?" + +I didn't answer a word, and he took another look all round the hills. +Luckily, if there was one coppice, there were twenty in that gorge, and +when I saw him walking away to the wrong one, I thought I should burst +out laughing on the spot. That, I am glad to say, I did not do; but +calmly going on with my work, I had the new cover in presently and was +ready to make a start. From that moment the drollery of the +situation--for it was droll, as I live--began in dead earnest, and +lasted right through a hot summer's day--until dusk came down, in fact, +and the issue was over for good and all. + +Can't you imagine just what happened, and see the irony of it all? +Depict a great open chasm between the hills, little copses of pines +everywhere, and more than one thicket; a white road winding through the +valley, and two cars stuck up on that same. + +Say that there was a fat Baron trotting to and fro like a dog hunting +for rabbits; put down two tired and hungry chauffeurs, famished for +want of meat and cursing their fate; do this, and add that they swore +at both the sexes indifferently, and you'll have the thing to a tick. +But I assure you that it's pleasanter to read about than to suffer; and +any driver would admit as much. + +Good Lord, what a day it was! The fat Baron, I should tell you, did +not give up the hunt until near twelve o'clock; but when he had +searched every thicket within a mile or more, he came back to us and +deliberately made himself comfortable inside his car. As for me, I did +not dare to move a step either way. If I had gone on, it would have +been to have left Madame in the woods; while if I stayed, he +stayed--and there you had it. And this game went on till dusk, mind +you, and would have gone on longer but for the instinct which came to +me quite suddenly like a thought dropped from the skies: that her +ladyship had given us both the slip, after all, and would be already +where the Baron Albert could not find her. This idea growing to an +unalterable conviction decided me at last. I started my engine, +mounted my box-seat, and without a word to either of them drove +straight away to Brignoles--thence, without a question from any one, to +Paris and my master. + + * * * * * + +It would have been three months afterwards that I received a letter +from Madame, addressed from the yacht _Mostar_, then in Norwegian +waters. She sent me ten pounds for myself, and after telling me that +she was cruising with Baron Albert and his sister--a piece of news +which fairly took my breath away--she went on to remark that the train +service from Brignoles to Aix is excellent, but that she preferred not +to make the journey in a leather cap and a mackintosh. + +So, you see, I guessed in a moment that she had slipped away to +Brignoles while we were talking about her that morning, and just taken +the early express to Aix without a word to anybody. We had been but +three kilometres from the town when the tyre burst, and so the journey +could hardly have fatigued her. + +As for her husband, the so-called Count Joseph, I heard in Paris +afterwards that he wasn't her husband at all, but a rich young +Hungarian noble she was trying desperately hard to marry. The Count +Albert had been sent to Monte Carlo by the young man's people to +protect him from this ambitious lady, and right well he appears to have +done the business, for he must have found her in Paris afterwards and +offered her the hospitality of his yacht. + +I hope his sister was on board; I do indeed hope so. + +But this is a rum world--and Lord, the scandal that some people will +think of makes me quite unhappy sometimes. + + + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Man Who Drove the Car, by Max Pemberton + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MAN WHO DROVE THE CAR *** + +***** This file should be named 28595.txt or 28595.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/8/5/9/28595/ + +Produced by Al Haines + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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