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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/27949-8.txt b/27949-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b214a81 --- /dev/null +++ b/27949-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,14635 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Daisy, by Elizabeth Wetherell + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Daisy + +Author: Elizabeth Wetherell + +Release Date: January 31, 2009 [EBook #27949] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DAISY *** + + + + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Jen Haines and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + + DAISY. + + BY + ELIZABETH WETHERELL, + + + AUTHOR OF + "THE WIDE, WIDE WORLD," "QUEECHY," + ETC., ETC. + + [Illustration: Floral Squiggle] + + LONDON: + + WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED, + WARWICK HOUSE, SALISBURY SQUARE, E.C. + NEW YORK AND MELBOURNE. + + [Illustration: Frontis "'And you love Jesus, Darry,' I said." + _Page 59_ ] + + CONTENTS. + + PAGE + CHAPTER I. + MISS PINSHON 9 + + CHAPTER II. + MY HOME 27 + + CHAPTER III. + THE MULTIPLICATION TABLE 45 + + CHAPTER IV. + SEVEN HUNDRED PEOPLE 68 + + CHAPTER V. + IN THE KITCHEN 97 + + CHAPTER VI. + WINTER AND SUMMER 119 + + CHAPTER VII. + SINGLEHANDED 149 + + CHAPTER VIII. + EGYPTIAN GLASS 165 + + CHAPTER IX. + SHOPPING 185 + + CHAPTER X. + SCHOOL 205 + + CHAPTER XI. + A PLACE IN THE WORLD 226 + + CHAPTER XII. + FRENCH DRESSES 244 + + CHAPTER XIII. + GREY COATS 275 + + CHAPTER XIV. + YANKEES 297 + + CHAPTER XV. + FORT PUTNAM 320 + + CHAPTER XVI. + HOPS 338 + + CHAPTER XVII. + OBEYING ORDERS 356 + + CHAPTER XVIII. + SOUTH AND NORTH 379 + + CHAPTER XIX. + ENTERED FOR THE WAR 392 + + + + +DAISY. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + +MISS PINSHON. + + +I want an excuse to myself for writing my own life; an excuse for the +indulgence of going it all over again, as I have so often gone over +bits. It has not been more remarkable than thousands of others. Yet +every life has in it a thread of present truth and possible glory. Let +me follow out the truth to the glory. + +The first bright years of my childhood I will pass. They were +childishly bright. They lasted till my eleventh summer. Then the light +of heavenly truth was woven in with the web of my mortal existence; +and whatever the rest of the web has been, those golden threads have +always run through it all the rest of the way. Just as I reached my +birthday that summer and was ten years old, I became a Christian. + +For the rest of that summer I was a glad child. The brightness of +those days is a treasure safe locked up in a chamber of my memory. I +have known other glad times too in my life; other times of even higher +enjoyment. But among all the dried flowers of my memory, there is not +one that keeps a fresher perfume or a stronger scent of its life than +this one. Those were the days without cloud; before life shadows had +begun to cast their blackness over the landscape. And even though such +shadows do go as well as come, and leave the intervals as sunlit as +ever; yet after that change of the first life shadow is once seen, it +is impossible to forget that it may come again and darken the sun. I +do not mean that the days of that summer were absolutely without +things to trouble me; I had changes of light and shade; but, on the +whole, nothing that did not heighten the light. They were pleasant +days that I had in Juanita's cottage at the time when my ankle was +broken; there were hours of sweetness with crippled Molly; and it was +simply delight I had all alone with my pony Loupe, driving over the +sunny and shady roads, free to do as I liked and go where I liked. And +how I enjoyed studying English history with my cousin Preston. It is +all stowed away in my heart, as fresh and sweet as at first. I will +not pull it out now. The change, and my first real life shadow came, +when my father was thrown from his horse and injured his head. Then +the doctors decided he must go abroad and travel, and mamma decided +that it was best that I should go to Magnolia with Aunt Gary and have +a governess. + +There is no pleasure in thinking of those weeks. They went very +slowly, and yet very fast; while I counted every minute and noted +every step in the preparations. They were all over at last; my little +world was gone from me; and I was left alone with Aunt Gary. + +Her preparations had been made too; and the day after the steamer +sailed we set off on our journey to the south. I do not know much +about that journey. The things by the way were like objects in a mist +to me and no more clearly discerned. Now and then there came a rift in +the mist; something woke me up out of my sorrow-dream; and of those +points and of what struck my eyes at those minutes I have a most +intense and vivid recollection. I can feel yet the still air of one +early morning's start, and hear the talk between my aunt and the hotel +people about the luggage. My aunt was a great traveller and wanted no +one to help her or manage for her. I remember acutely a beggar who +spoke to us on the sidewalk at Washington. We stayed over a few days +in Washington, and then hurried on; for when she was on the road my +Aunt Gary lost not a minute. We went, I presume, as fast as we could +without travelling all night; and our last day's journey added that +too. + +By that time my head was getting steadied, perhaps, from the grief +which had bewildered it; or grief was settling down and taking its +proper place at the bottom of my heart, leaving the surface as usual. +For twelve hours that day we went by a slow railway train through a +country of weary monotony. Endless forests of pine seemed all that was +to be seen; scarce ever a village; here and there a miserable clearing +and forlorn-looking house; here and there stoppages of a few minutes +to let somebody out or take somebody in; once, to my great surprise, a +stop of rather more than a few minutes to accommodate a lady who +wanted some flowers gathered for her. I was surprised to see flowers +wild in the woods at that time of year, and much struck with the +politeness of the railway train that was willing to delay for such a +reason. We got out of the car for dinner, or for a short rest at +dinner-time. My aunt had brought her lunch in a basket. Then the +forests and the rumble of the cars began again. At one time the pine +forests were exchanged for oak, I remember; after that, nothing but +pine. + +It was late in the day, when we left the cars at one of those solitary +wayside station-houses. I shall never forget the look and feeling of +the place. We had been for some miles going through a region of swamp +or swampy woods, where sometimes the rails were laid on piles in the +water. This little station-house was in the midst of such a region. +The woods were thick and tangled with vines everywhere beyond the edge +of the clearing; the ground was wet beneath them, and in places showed +standing water. There was scarcely a clearing; the forest was all +round the house; with only the two breaks in it where on one side and +on the other the iron rail track ran off into the distance. It was a +lonely place; almost nobody was there waiting for the train; one or +two forlorn coloured people and a long lank-looking countryman, were +all. Except what at first prevented my seeing anything else--my cousin +Preston. He met me just as I was going to get down from the car; +lifted me to the platform, and then with his looks and words almost +broke up the composure which for several days had been growing upon +me. It was not hardened yet to bear attacks. I was like a poor +shell-fish, which, having lost one coat of armour and defence, craves +a place of hiding and shelter for itself until its new coat be grown. +While he was begging me to come into the station-house and rest, I +stood still looking up the long line of railway by which we had come, +feeling as if my life lay at the other end of it, out of sight and +quite beyond reach. Yet I asked him not to call me "poor" Daisy. I was +very tired, and I suppose my nerves not very steady. Preston said we +must wait at that place for another train; there was a fork in the +road beyond, and this train would not go the right way. It would not +take us to Baytown. So he had me into the station-house. + +It wearied me and so did all that my eyes lighted upon, strange though +it was. The bare room, not clean; the board partition, with swinging +doors, behind which, Preston said, were the cook and the baker! the +untidy waiting girls that came and went, with scant gowns and coarse +shoes, and no thread of white collar to relieve the dusky throat and +head rising out of the dark gown, and no apron at all. Preston did +what he could. He sent away the girls with their trays of eatables; he +had a table pulled out from the wall and wiped off, and then he +ordered a supper of eggs, and johnny cake, and all sorts of things. +But I could not eat. As soon as supper was over I went out on the +platform to watch the long lines of railway running off through the +forest, and wait for the coming train. The evening fell while we +looked; the train was late; and at last when it came I could only know +it in the distance by the red spark of its locomotive gleaming like a +firefly. + +It was a freight train, there was but one passenger car, and that was +full. We got seats with difficulty, and apart from each other. I +hardly know whether that, or anything, could have made me more +forlorn. I was already stiff and weary with the twelve hours of +travelling we had gone through that day; inexpressibly weary in heart. +It seemed to me that I could not long endure the rumble and the jar +and the closeness of this last car. The passengers, too, had habits +which made me draw my clothes as tight around me as I could, and +shrink away mentally into the smallest compass possible. I had noticed +the like, to be sure, ever since we left Washington; but to-night, in +my weary, faint, and tired-out state of mind and body every unseemly +sight or sound struck my nerves with a sense of pain that was hardly +endurable. I wondered if the train would go on all night; it went very +slowly. And I noticed that nobody seemed impatient or had the air of +expecting that it would soon find its journey's end. I felt as if I +could not bear it many half hours. My next neighbour was a fat, +good-natured, old lady, who rather made matters worse by putting her +arm round me and hugging me up, and begging me to make a pillow of her +and go to sleep. My nerves were twitching with impatience and the +desire for relief; when suddenly the thought came to me that I might +please the Lord by being patient. I remember what a lull the thought +of Him brought; and yet how difficult it was not to be impatient, till +I fixed my mind on some Bible words--they were the words of the +twenty-third Psalm--and began to think and pray them over. So good +they were, that by and by they rested me. I dropped asleep and forgot +my aches and weariness until the train arrived at Baytown. + +They took me to a hotel, then, and put me to bed, and I did not get up +for several days. I must have been feverish, for my fancies wandered +incessantly in unknown places with papa, in regions of the old world; +and sometimes, I think, took both him and myself to rest and home +where wanderings are over. After a few days this passed away. I was +able to come downstairs, and both Preston and his mother did their +best to take good care of me. Especially Preston. He brought me books, +and fruit, and birds to tempt me to eat, and was my kind and constant +companion when his mother was out, and indeed when she was in, too. So +I got better by the help of oranges and rice-birds. I could have got +better faster, but for my dread of a governess which was hanging over +me. I heard nothing about her and could not bear to ask. One day +Preston brought the matter up and asked if Daisy was going to have a +school-mistress? + +"Certainly," my Aunt Gary said. "She must be educated, you know." + +"_I_ don't know," said Preston; "but if they say so, I suppose she +must. Who is it to be, mamma?" + +"You do not know anything about it," said Aunt Gary. "If my son was +going to marry the greatest heiress in the State; and she is very +nearly that--goodness! I did not see you were there, Daisy, my dear; +but it makes no difference;--I should think it proper that she should +be educated." + +"I can't see what her being an heiress should have to do with it," +said Preston, "except rather to make it unnecessary as well as a bore. +Who is it, mamma?" + +"I have recommended Miss Pinshon." + +"Oh, then, it is not fixed yet." + +"Yes, it is fixed. Miss Pinshon is coming as soon as we get to +Magnolia." + +"I'll be off before that," said Preston. "Who is Miss Pinshon?" + +"How should _you_ know? She has lived at Jessamine Bank,--educated the +Dalzell girls." + +"What sort of a person, mamma!" + +"What sort of a person?" said my Aunt Gary; "why a governess sort of a +person. What sort should she be." + +"Any other sort in the world," said Preston, "for my money. That is +just the sort to worry poor little Daisy out of her life." + +"You are a foolish boy!" said Aunt Gary. "Of course if you fill +Daisy's head with notions, she will not get them out again. If you +have anything of that sort to say, you had better say it where she +will not hear." + +"Daisy has eyes--and a head," said Preston. + +As soon as I was able for it Preston took me out for short walks; and +as I grew stronger he made the walks longer. The city was a strange +place to me; very unlike New York; there was much to see and many a +story to hear; and Preston and I enjoyed ourselves. Aunt Gary was busy +making visits, I think. There was a beautiful walk by the sea which I +liked best of all; and when it was not too cold my greatest pleasure +was to sit there looking over the dark waters and sending my whole +soul across them to that unknown spot where my father and mother were. +"Home," that spot was to me. Preston did not know what I liked the +Esplanade for; he sometimes laughed at me for being poetic and +meditative; when I was only sending my heart over the water. But he +was glad to please me in all that he could; and whenever it was not +too cold, our walks always took me there. + +One day, sitting there, I remember we had a great argument about +studying. Preston began with saying that I must not mind this +governess that was coming, nor do anything she bade me unless I liked +it. As I gave him no answer, he repeated what he had said. + +"You know, Daisy, you are not obliged to care what she thinks." + +I said I thought I was. + +"What for?" said Preston. + +"I have a great deal to learn you know," I said, feeling it very +gravely indeed in my little heart. + +"What do you want to know so much?" said Preston. + +I said, everything. I was very ignorant. + +"You are no such thing," said Preston. "Your head is full this minute. +I think you have about as much knowledge as is good for you. I mean to +take care that you do not get too much." + +"O Preston," said I, "that is very wrong. I have not any knowledge +scarcely." + +"There is no occasion," said Preston stoutly. "I hate learned women." + +"Don't you like to learn things?" + +"That's another matter," said he. "A man must know things, or he can't +get along. Women are different." + +"But I think it is nice to know things too," said I. "I don't see how +it is different." + +"Why, a woman need not be a lawyer, or a doctor, or a professor," said +Preston; "all she need do, is to have good sense and dress herself +nicely." + +"Is dressing so important?" said I, with a new light breaking over me. + +"Certainly. Ribbons of the wrong colour will half kill a woman. And I +have heard Aunt Randolph say that a particular lady was ruined by her +gloves." + +"Ruined by her gloves!" said I. "Did she buy so many?" + +Preston went into such a laugh at that, I had to wait some time before +I could go on. I saw I had made some mistake, and I would not renew +that subject. + +"Do _you_ mean to be anything of that sort?" I said, with some want of +connection. + +"What sort? Ruined by my gloves? Not if I know it." + +"No, no! I mean, a lawyer or a doctor or a professor?" + +"I should think not!" said Preston, with a more emphatic denial. + +"Then, what are you studying for?" + +"Because, as I told you, Daisy, a man must know things, or he cannot +get on in the world." + +I pondered the matter, and then I said, I should think good sense +would make a woman study too. I did not see the difference. "Besides, +Preston," I said, "if she didn't, they would not be equal." + +"Equal!" cried Preston. "Equal! O Daisy, you ought to have lived in +some old times. You are two hundred years old, at least. Now don't go +to studying that, but come home. You have sat here long enough." + +It was my last hour of freedom. Perhaps for that reason I remember +every minute so distinctly. On our way home we met a negro funeral. I +stopped to look at it. Something, I do not know what, in the long line +of dark figures, orderly and even stately in their demeanour, the +white dresses of the women, the peculiar faces of men and women both, +fascinated my eyes. Preston exclaimed at me again. It was the +commonest sight in the world, he said. It was their pride to have a +grand funeral. I asked if _this_ was a grand funeral. Preston said +"pretty well; there must be several hundred of them and they were well +dressed." And then he grew impatient and hurried me on. But I was +thinking; and before we got to the hotel where we lodged, I asked +Preston if there were many coloured people at Magnolia. + +"Lots of them," he said. "There isn't anything else." + +"Preston," I said presently, "I want to buy some candy somewhere." + +Preston was very much pleased, I believe, thinking that my thoughts +had quite left the current of sober things. He took me to a famous +confectioner's; and there I bought sweet things till my little stock +of money was all gone. + +"No more funds?" said Preston. "Never mind--go on, and I'll help you. +Why I never knew you liked sugarplums so much. What next? burnt +almonds? _this_ is good, Daisy--this confection of roses. But you must +take all this sugar in small doses, or I am afraid it wouldn't be just +beneficial." + +"O Preston!" I said--"I do not mean to eat all this myself." + +"Are you going to propitiate Miss Pinshon with it? I have a +presentiment that sweets won't sweeten her, Daisy." + +"I don't know what 'propitiate' means," I said, sighing. "I will not +take the almonds, Preston." + +But he was determined I should; and to the almonds he added a quantity +of the delicate confection he spoke of, which I had thought too +delicate and costly for the uses I had purposed; and after the rose he +ordered candied fruits; till a great packet of varieties was made up. +Preston paid for them--I could not help it--and desired them sent +home; but I was bent on taking the package myself. Preston would not +let me do that, so he carried it; which was a much more serious token +of kindness, in him, than footing the bill. It was but a little way, +however, to the hotel. We were in the hall, and I was just taking my +sugars from Preston to carry them upstairs, when I heard Aunt Gary +call my name from the parlour. Instinctively, I cannot tell how, I +knew from her tone what she wanted me for. I put back the package in +Preston's hands, and walked in; my play over. + +How well I knew my play was over, when I saw my governess. She was +sitting by my aunt on the sofa. Quite different from what I had +expected, so different that I walked up to her in a maze, and yet +seemed to recognize in that first view all that was coming after. +Probably that is fancy; but it seems to me now that all I ever knew or +felt about Miss Pinshon in the years that followed, was duly begun and +betokened in those first five minutes. She was a young-looking lady, +younger looking than she was. She had a dark, rich complexion, and a +face that I suppose would have been called handsome; it was never +handsome to me. Long black curls on each side of her face, and large +black eyes, were the features that first struck one; but I immediately +decided that Miss Pinshon was not born a lady. I do not mean that I +think blood and breeding are unseverable; or that half a dozen lady +ancestors in a direct line secure the character to the seventh in +descent; though they _do_ often secure the look of it; nevertheless, +ladies are born who never know all their lives how to make a curtsey, +and curtseys are made with infinite grace by those who have nothing of +a lady beyond the trappings. I never saw Miss Pinshon do a rude or an +awkward thing, that I remember; nor one which changed my first mind +about her. She was handsomely dressed; but there again I felt the same +want. Miss Pinshon's dresses made me think always of the mercer's +counter and the dressmaker's shop. My mother's robes always seemed +part of her own self; and so, in a certain true sense, they were. + +My aunt introduced me. Miss Pinshon studied me. Her first remark was +that I looked very young. My aunt excused that, on the ground of my +having been always a delicate child. Miss Pinshon observed further +that the way I wore my hair produced part of the effect. My aunt +explained _that_ to my father's and mother's fancy; and agreed that +she thought cropped heads were always ungraceful. If my hair were +allowed to fall in ringlets on my neck I would look very different. +Miss Pinshon next inquired how much I knew? turning her great black +eyes from me to Aunt Gary. My aunt declared she could not tell; +delicate health had also here interfered; and she appealed to me to +say what knowledge I was possessed of. I could not answer. I could not +say. It seemed to me I had not learned anything. Then Preston spoke +for me. + +"Modesty is apt to be silent on its own merits," he said. "My cousin +has learned the usual rudiments; and in addition to those the art of +driving." + +"Of _what_? What did you say?" inquired my governess. + +"Of driving, ma'am. Daisy is an excellent whip for her years and +strength." + +Miss Pinshon turned to Preston's mother. My aunt confirmed and +enlarged the statement, again throwing the blame on my father and +mother. For herself, she always thought it very dangerous for a little +girl like me to go about in the country in a pony-chaise all alone. +Miss Pinshon's eyes could not be said to express anything, but to my +fancy they concealed a good deal. She remarked that the roads were +easy. + +"Oh, it was not here," said my aunt; "it was at the North, where the +roads are not like our pine forest. However the roads were not +dangerous there, that I know of; not for anybody but a child. But +horses and carriages are always dangerous." + +Miss Pinshon next applied herself to me. What did I know? "beside this +whip accomplishment," as she said. I was tongue-tied. It did not seem +to me that I knew anything. At last I said so. Preston exclaimed. I +looked at him to beg him to be still; and I remember how he smiled at +me. + +"You can read, I suppose?" my governess went on. + +"Yes, ma'am." + +"And write, I suppose?" + +"I do not think you would say I know how to write," I answered. "I +cannot do it at all well; and it takes me a long time." + +"Come back to the driving, Daisy," said Preston. "That is one thing +you do know. And English history, I will bear witness." + +"What have you got there, Preston?" my aunt asked. + +"Some horehound drops, mamma." + +"You haven't a sore throat?" she asked, eagerly. + +"No, ma'am--not just now, but I had yesterday; and I thought I would +be provided." + +"You seem provided for a long time," Miss Pinshon remarked. + +"Can't get anything up at Magnolia, except rice," said Preston, after +making the lady a bow which did not promise good fellowship. "You must +take with you what you are likely to want there." + +"You will not want all that," said his mother. + +"No ma'am, I hope not," said Preston, looking at his package demurely. +"Old Uncle Lot, you know, always has a cough; and I purpose delighting +him with some of my purchases. I will go and put them away." + +"Old Uncle Lot!" my aunt repeated. "What Uncle Lot? I did not know you +had been enough at Magnolia to get the servants' names. But _I_ don't +remember any Uncle Lot." + +Preston turned to leave the room with his candy, and in turning gave +me a look of such supreme fun and mischief that at another time I +could hardly have helped laughing. But Miss Pinshon was asking me if I +understood arithmetic? + +"I think--I know very little about it," I said hesitating. "I can do a +sum." + +"In what?" + +"On the slate, ma'am." + +"Yes, but in what?" + +"I don't know, ma'am--it is adding up the columns." + +"Oh, in _addition_, then. Do you know the multiplication and division +tables?" + +"No, ma'am." + +"Go and get off your things, and then come back to me; and I will have +some more talk with you." + +I remember to this day how heavily my feet went up the stairs. I was +not very strong yet in body, and now the strength seemed to have gone +out of my heart. + +"I declare," said Preston, who waited for me on the landing, "she +falls into position easy! Does she think she is going to take _that_ +tone with you?" + +I made no answer. Preston followed me into my room. + +"I won't have it, little Daisy. Nobody shall be mistress at Magnolia +but you. This woman shall not. See, Daisy--I am going to put these +things in my trunk for you, until we get where you want them. That +will be safe." + +I thanked him. + +"What are you going to do now?" + +"I am going downstairs, as soon as I am ready." + +"Do you expect to be under all the commands this High Mightiness may +think proper to lay upon you?" + +I begged him to be still and leave me. + +"She will turn you into stone!" he exclaimed. "She is a regular +Gorgon, with those heavy eyes of hers. I never saw such eyes. I +believe she would petrify me if I had to bear them. Don't you give +Medusa one of those sweet almonds, Daisy--not one, do you hear?" + +I heard too well. I faced round upon him and begged him to remember +that it was my _mother_ I must obey in Miss Pinshon's orders: and said +that he must not talk to me. Whereupon Preston threw down his candies, +and pulled my cloak out of my unsteady hands, and locked his arms +about me; kissing me and lamenting over me that it was "too bad." I +tried to keep my self-command; but the end was a great burst of tears; +and I went down to Miss Pinshon with red eyes and at a disadvantage. I +think Preston was pleased. + +I had need of all my quiet and self-command. My governess stretched out +her hand, drew me to her side and kissed me; then with the other hand +went on to arrange the ruffle round my neck, stroking it and pulling it +into order, and even taking out a little bit of a pin I wore, and putting +it in again to suit herself. It annoyed me excessively. I knew all was +right about my ruffle and pin; I never left them carelessly arranged; no +fingers but mamma's had ever dared to meddle with them before. But Miss +Pinshon arranged the ruffle and the pin, and still holding me, looked in +my face with those eyes of hers. I began to feel that they were "heavy." +They did not waver. They did not seem to wink, like other eyes. They bore +down upon my face with a steady power, that was not bright but ponderous. +Her first question was, whether I was a good girl. + +I could not tell how to answer. My aunt answered for me, that she +believed Daisy meant to be a good girl, though she liked to have her +own way. + +Miss Pinshon ordered me to bring up a chair and sit down; and then +asked if I knew anything about mathematics; told me it was the science +of quantity; remarked to my aunt that it was the very best study for +teaching children to think, and that she always gave them a great deal +of it in the first year of their pupilage. "It puts the mind in +order," the black-eyed lady went on; "and other things come so easily +after it. Daisy, do you know what I mean by 'quantity?'" + +I knew what _I_ meant by quantity; but whether the English language +had anything in common for Miss Pinshon and me, I had great doubts. I +hesitated. + +"I always teach my little girls to answer promptly when they are asked +anything. I notice that you do not answer promptly. You can always +tell whether you know a thing or whether you do not." + +I was not so sure of that. Miss Pinshon desired me now to repeat the +multiplication table. Here at least there was certainty. I had never +learned it. + +"It appears to me," said my governess, "you have done very little with +the first ten years of your life. It gives you a great deal to do for +the next ten." + +"Health has prevented her applying to her studies," said my aunt. + +"The want of health. Yes, I suppose so. I hope Daisy will be very well +now, for we must make up for lost time." + +"I do not suppose so much time need have been lost," said my aunt; +"but parents are easily alarmed, you know; they think of nothing but +one thing." + +So now there was nobody about me who would be easily alarmed. I took +the full force of that. + +"Of course," said Miss Pinshon, "I shall have a careful regard to her +health. Nothing can be done without that. I shall take her out +regularly to walk with me, and see that she does not expose herself in +any way. Study is no hindrance to health; learning has no malevolent +effect upon the body. I think people often get sick for want of +something to think of." + +How sure I felt, as I went up to bed that night, that no such easy +cause of sickness would be mine for long years to come! + + + + +CHAPTER II. + +MY HOME. + + +The next day we were to go to Magnolia. It was a better day than I +expected. Preston kept me with him, away from Aunt Gary and my +governess; who seemed to have a very comfortable time together. +Magnolia lay some miles inland, up a small stream or inlet called the +Sands River; the banks of which were studded with gentlemen's houses. +The houses were at large distances from one another, miles of +plantation often lying between. We went by a small steamer which plied +up and down the river; it paddled along slowly, made a good many +landings, and kept us on board thus a great part of the day. + +At last Preston pointed out to me a little wooden pier or jetty ahead, +which he said was my landing; and the steamer soon drew up to it. I +could see only a broken bank, fifteen feet high, stretching all along +the shore. However a few steps brought us to a receding level bit of +ground, where there was a break in the bank; the shore fell in a +little, and a wooded dell sloped back from the river. A carriage and +servants were waiting here. + +Preston and I had arranged that we would walk up and let the ladies +ride. But as soon as they had taken their places I heard myself +called. We declared our purpose, Preston and I; but Miss Pinshon said +the ground was damp and she preferred I should ride; and ordered me +in. I obeyed, bitterly disappointed; so much disappointed that I had +the utmost trouble not to let it be seen. For a little while I did not +know what we were passing. Then curiosity recovered itself. The +carriage was slowly making its way up a rough road. On each side the +wooded banks of the dell shut us in; and these banks seemed to slope +upward as well as the road, for though we mounted and mounted, the +sides of the dell grew no lower. After a little, then, the hollow of +the dell began to grow wider, and its sides softly shelving down; and +through the trees on our left we could see a house, standing high +above us, but on ground which sloped towards the dell, which rose and +widened and spread out to meet it. This sloping ground was studded +with magnificent live oaks; each holding its place in independent +majesty, making no interference with the growth of the rest. Some of +these trees had a girth that half a dozen men with their arms +outstretched in a circle could not span; they were green in spite of +the winter; branching low, and spreading into stately, beautiful heads +of verdure, while grey wreaths of moss hung drooping from some of +them. The house was seen not very distinctly among these trees; it +showed low, and in a long extent of building. I have never seen a +prettier approach to a house than that at Magnolia. My heart was full +of the beauty this first time. + +"This is Magnolia, Daisy," said my aunt. "This is your house." + +"It appears a fine place," said Miss Pinshon. + +"It is one of the finest on the river. This is your property, Daisy." + +"It is papa's," I answered. + +"Well, it belongs to your mother, and so you may say it belongs to +your father; but it is yours for all that. The arrangement was, as I +know," my aunt went on, addressing Miss Pinshon--"the arrangement in +the marriage settlements was, that the sons should have the father's +property, and the daughters the mother's. There is one son and one +daughter; so they will each have enough." + +"But it is mamma's and papa's," I pleaded. + +"Oh, well--it will be yours. That is what I mean. Ransom will have +Melbourne and the Virginia estates; and Magnolia is yours. You ought +to have a pretty good education." + +I was so astonished at this way of looking at things, that again I +lost part of what was before me. The carriage went gently along, +passing the house, and coming up gradually to the same level; then +making a turn we drove at a better pace back under some of those great +evergreen oaks, till we drew up at the house door. This was at a +corner of the building, which stretched in a long, low line towards +the river. A verandah skirted all that long front. As soon as I was +out of the carriage I ran to the farthest end. I found the verandah +turned the corner; the lawn too. All along the front it sloped to the +dell; at the end of the house it sloped more gently and to greater +distance down to the banks of the river. I could not see the river +itself. The view of the dell at my left hand was lovely. A little +stream which ran in the bottom had been coaxed to form a clear pool in +an open spot, where the sunlight fell upon it, surrounded by a soft +wilderness of trees and climbers. Sweet branches of jessamine waved +there in their season; and a beautiful magnolia had been planted or +cherished there, and carefully kept in view of the house windows. But +the wide lawns, on one side and on the other, grew nothing but the +oaks; the gentle slope was a play-ground for sunshine and shadow, as I +first saw it; for then the shadows of the oaks were lengthening over +the grass, and the waving grey wreaths of moss served sometimes as a +foil, sometimes as an usher to the sunbeams. I stood in a trance of +joy and sorrow; they were fighting so hard for the mastery; till I +knew that my aunt and Miss Pinshon had come up behind me. + +"This is a proud place!" my governess remarked. + +I believe I looked at her. My aunt laughed; said she must not teach me +that; and led the way back to the entrance of the house. All along the +verandah I noticed that the green-blinded long windows made other +entrances for whoever chose them. + +The door was open for us already, and within was a row of dark faces +of men and women, and a show of white teeth that looked like a +welcome. I wondered Aunt Gary did not say more to answer the welcome; +she only dropped a few careless words as she went in, and asked if +dinner was ready. I looked from one to another of the strange faces +and gleaming rows of teeth. These were my mother's servants; that was +something that came near to my heart. I heard inquiries after "Mis' +Felissy" and "Mass' Randolph," and then the question, "Mis' 'Lizy, is +this little missis?" It was asked by an old, respectable-looking, +grey-haired negress. I did not hear my aunt's answer; but I stopped +and turned to the woman and laid my little hand in her withered palm. +I don't know what there was in that minute; only I know that whereas I +touched one hand, I touched a great many hearts. Then and there began +my good understanding with all the coloured people on my mother's +estate of Magnolia. There was a general outburst of satisfaction and +welcome. Some of the voices blessed me; more than one remarked that I +was "like Mass' Randolph;" and I went into the parlour with a warm +spot in my heart, which had been very cold. + +I was oddly at home at once. The room indeed was a room I had never +seen before; yet according to the mystery of such things, the +inanimate surroundings bore the mark of the tastes and habits I had +grown up among all my life. A great splendid fire was blazing in the +chimney; a rich carpet was on the floor; the furniture was luxurious +though not showy, and there was plenty of it. So there was plenty of +works of art, in home and foreign manufacture. Comfort, elegance, +prettiness, all around; and through the clear glass of the long +windows the evergreen oaks on the lawn showed like guardians of the +place. I stood at one of them, with the pressure of that joy and +sorrow filling my childish heart. + +My aunt presently called me from the window, and bade me let Margaret +take off my things. I got leave to go upstairs with Margaret and take +them off there. So I ran up the low easy flight of stairs--they were +wooden and uncarpeted--to a matted gallery lit from the roof, with +here and there a window in a recess looking upon the lawn. Many rooms +opened into this gallery. I went from one to another. Here were great +wood fires burning too; here were snowy white beds, with light muslin +hangings; and dark cabinets and wardrobes; and mats on the floors, +with thick carpets and rugs laid down here and there. And on one side +and on the other side the windows looked out upon the wide lawn, with +its giant oaks hung with grey wreaths of moss. My heart grew sore +straitened. It was a hard evening, that first evening at Magnolia; +with the loveliness and the brightness, the warm attraction, and the +bitter cold sense of loneliness. I longed to throw myself down and +cry. What I did, was to stand by one of the windows and fight myself +not to let the tears come. If _they_ were here, it would be so happy! +If they were here--oh, if they were here! + +I believe the girl spoke to me without my hearing her. But then came +somebody whom I was obliged to hear, shouting "Daisy" along the +gallery. I faced him with a great effort. He wanted to know what I was +doing, and how I liked it, and where my room was. + +"Not found it yet?" said Preston. "Is this it? Whose room is this, +hey?--you somebody?" + +"Maggie, massa," said the girl, dropping a curtsey. + +"Maggie, where is your mistress's room?" + +"This is Mis' 'Liza's room, sir." + +"Nonsense! Miss 'Liza is only here on a visit--_this_ is your +mistress. Where is her room, hey?" + +"Oh stop, Preston!" I begged him. "I am not mistress." + +"Yes, you are. I'll roast anybody who says you ain't. Come along, and +you shall choose which room you will have; and if it isn't ready they +will get it ready. Come!" + +I made him understand my choice might depend on where other people's +rooms were; and sent him off. Then I sent the girl away--she was a +pleasant-faced mulatto, very eager to help me--and left to myself I +hurriedly turned the key in the lock. I _must_ have some minutes to +myself if I was to bear the burden of that afternoon; and I knelt down +with as heavy a heart, almost, as I ever knew. In all my life I had +never felt so castaway and desolate. When my father and mother first +went from me, I was at least among the places where they had been; +June was with me still, and I knew not Miss Pinshon. The journey had +had its excitements and its interest. Now I was alone; for June had +decided, with tears and woeful looks, that she would not come to +Magnolia; and Preston would be soon on his way back to college. I knew +of only one comfort in the world; that wonderful, "Lo, I am with you." +Does anybody know what that means, who has not made it the single +plank bridge over an abyss? + +No one found out that anything was the matter with me, except Preston. +His caresses were dangerous to my composure. I kept him off; and he ate +his dinner with a thundercloud face which foretold war with all +governesses. For me, it was hard work enough to maintain my quiet; +everything made it hard. Each new room, every arrangement of furniture, +every table appointment, though certainly not what I had seen before, yet +seemed so like home that I was constantly missing what would have made it +home indeed. It was the shell without the kernel. The soup ladle seemed +to be by mistake in the wrong hands; Preston seemed to have no business +with my father's carving knife and fork; the sense of desolation pressed +upon me everywhere. + +After dinner the ladies went upstairs to choose their rooms, and Miss +Pinshon avowed that she wished to have mine within hers; it would be +proper and convenient, she said. Aunt Gary made no objection; but +there was some difficulty, because all the rooms had independent +openings into the gallery. Miss Pinshon hesitated a moment between one +of two that opened into each other, and another that was pleasanter +and larger but would give her less facility for overlooking my +affairs. For one moment I drew a breath of hope; and then my hope was +quashed. Miss Pinshon chose one of the two that opened into each +other; and my only comfort was the fact that my own room had two doors +and I was not obliged to go through Miss Pinshon's to get to it. Just +as this business was settled, Preston called me out into the gallery +and asked me to go for a walk. I questioned with myself a second +whether I should ask leave; but I had an inward assurance that to ask +leave would be not to go. I felt I must go. I ran back to the room +where my things lay, and in two minutes I was out of the house. + +My first introduction to Magnolia! How well I remember every minute +and every foot of the way. It was delicious, the instant I stepped out +among the oaks and into the sunshine. Freedom was there, at all +events. + +"Now, Daisy, we'll go to the stables," Preston said, "and see if there +is anything fit for you. I am afraid there isn't; though Edwards told +me he thought there was." + +"Who is Edwards?" I asked, as we sped joyfully away through the oaks, +across shade and sunshine. + +"Oh, he is the overseer." + +"What is an overseer?" + +"What is an overseer?--why, he is the man that looks after things." + +"What things?" I asked. + +"All the things--everything, Daisy; all the affairs of the plantation; +the rice fields and the cotton fields and the people, and everything." + +"Where are the stables? and where are we going?" + +"Here--just here--a little way off. They are just in a dell over +here--the other side of the house, where the quarters are." + +"Quarters?" I repeated. + +"Yes. Oh, you don't know anything down here, but you'll learn. The +stables and quarters are in this dell we are coming to; nicely out of +sight. Magnolia is one of the prettiest places on the river." + +We had passed through the grove of oaks on the further side of the +house, and then found the beginning of a dell which, like the one by +which we had come up a few hours before, sloped gently down to the +river. In its course it widened out to a little low sheltered open +ground, where a number of buildings stood. + +"So the house is between two dells," I said. + +"Yes; and on that height up there, beyond the quarters, is the +cemetery; and from there you can see a great many fields and the +river, and have a beautiful view. And there are capital rides all +about the place, Daisy." + +When we came to the stables, Preston sent a boy in search of "Darius." +Darius, he told me, was the coachman, and chief in charge of the +stable department. Darius came presently. He was a grey-headed, +fine-looking, most respectable black man. He had driven my mother and +my mother's mother; and being a trusted and important man on the +place, and for other reasons, he had a manner and bearing that were a +model of dignified propriety. Very grave "Uncle Darry" was; stately +and almost courtly in his respectful courtesy; but he gave me a +pleasant smile when Preston presented him. + +"We's happy to see Miss Daisy at her own home. Hope de Lord bress +her." + +My heart warmed at these words like the ice-bound earth in a spring +day. They were not carelessly spoken, nor was the welcome. My feet +trod the greensward more firmly. Then all other thoughts were for the +moment put to flight by Preston's calling for the pony and asking +Darius what he thought of him, and Darry's answer. + +"Very far, massa; very far. Him no good for not'ing." + +While I pondered what this judgment might amount to, the pony was +brought out. He was larger than Loupe, and had not Loupe's peculiar +symmetry of mane and tail: he was a fat dumpy little fellow, sleek and +short, dapple grey, with a good long tail and a mild eye. Preston +declared he had no shape at all and was a poor concern of a pony; but +to my eyes he was beautiful. He took one or two sugarplums from my +hand with as much amenity as if we had been old acquaintances. Then a +boy was put on him, who rode him up and down with a halter. + +"He'll do, Darius," said Preston. + +"For little missis? Just big enough, massa. Got no tricks at all, only +he no like work. Not much spring in him." + +"Daisy must take the whip, then. Come and let us go look at some of +the country where you will ride. Are you tired, Daisy?" + +"Oh no," I said. "But wait a minute, Preston. Who lives in all those +houses?" + +"The people. The hands. They are away in the fields at work now." + +"Does Darius live there?" + +"Of course. They all live here." + +"I should like to go nearer, and see the houses." + +"Daisy, it is nothing on earth to see. They are all just alike, and +you see them from here." + +"I want to look in," I said, moving down the slope. + +"Daisy," said Preston, "you are just as fond of having your way +as----" + +"As what? I do not think I am, Preston." + +"I suppose nobody thinks he is," grumbled Preston, following me, +"except the fellows who can't get it." + +I had by this time almost forgotten Miss Pinshon. I had almost come to +think that Magnolia might be a pleasant place. In the intervals when +the pony was out of sight, I had improved my knowledge of the old +coachman; and every look added to my liking. There was something I +could not read that more and more drew me to him. A simplicity in his +good manners, a placid expression in his gravity, a staid reserve in +his humility, were all there; and more yet. Also the scene in the dell +was charming to me. The ground about the negro cottages was kept neat; +they were neatly built of stone and stood round the sides of a +quadrangle; while on each side and below the wooded slopes of ground +closed in the picture. Sunlight was streaming through and brightening +up the cottages, and resting on Uncle Darry's swart face. Down through +the sunlight I went to the cottages. The first door stood open, and I +looked in. At the next I was about to knock, but Preston pushed open +the door for me; and so he did for a third and a fourth. Nobody was in +them. I was a good deal disappointed. They were empty, bare, dirty, +and seemed to be very forlorn. What a set of people my mother's hands +must be, I thought. Presently I came upon a ring of girls, a little +larger than I was, huddled together behind one of the cottages. There +was no manners about them. They were giggling and grinning, hopping on +one foot, and going into other awkward antics; not the less that most +of them had their arms filled with little black babies. I had got +enough for that day, and turning about, left the dell with Preston. + +At the head of the dell, Preston led off in a new direction, along a wide +avenue that ran through the woods. Perfectly level and smooth, with the +woods closing in on both sides and making long vistas through their boles +and under their boughs. By and by we took another path that led off from +this one, wide enough for two horses to go abreast. The pine trees were +sweet overhead and on each hand, making the light soft and the air +fragrant. Preston and I wandered on in delightful roaming; leaving the +house and all that it contained at an unremembered distance. Suddenly we +came out upon a cleared field. It was many acres large; in the distance a +number of people were at work. We turned back again. + +"Preston," I said, after a silence of a few minutes,--"there seemed to +be no women in those cottages. I did not see any." + +"I suppose not," said Preston; "because there were not any to see." + +"But had all those little babies no mothers?" + +"Yes, of course, Daisy; but they were in the field." + +"The mothers of those little babies?" + +"Yes. What about it? Look here--are you getting tired?" + +I said no; and he put his arm round me fondly, so as to hold me up a +little; and we wandered gently on, back to the avenue, then down its +smooth course further yet from the house, then off by another wood +path through the pines on the other side. This was a narrower path, +amidst sweeping pine branches and hanging creepers, some of them +prickly, which threw themselves all across the way. It was not easy +getting along. I remarked that nobody seemed to come there much. + +"I never came here myself," said Preston, "but I know it must lead out +upon the river somewhere, and that's what I am after. Hollo! we are +coming to something. There is something white through the trees. I +declare, I believe----" + +Preston had been out in his reckoning, and a second time had brought me +where he did not wish to bring me. We came presently to an open place, or +rather a place where the pines stood a little apart; and there in the +midst was a small enclosure. A low brick wall surrounded a square bit of +ground, with an iron gate on one side of the square; within, the grassy +plot was spotted with the white marble of tombstones. There were large +and small. Overhead, the great pine trees stood and waved their long +branches gently in the wind. The place was lonely and lovely. We had +come, as Preston guessed, to the river, and the shore was here high; so +that we looked down upon the dark little stream far below us. The +sunlight, getting low by this time, hardly touched it; but streamed +through the pine trees and over the grass, and gilded the white marble +with gold. + +"I did not mean to bring you here," said Preston, "I did not know I +was bringing you here. Come, Daisy--we'll go and try again." + +"Oh stop!" I said--"I like it. I want to look at it." + +"It is the cemetery," said Preston. "That tall column is the monument +of our great--no, of our great-great-grandfather; and this brown one +is for mamma's father. Come, Daisy!----" + +"Wait a little," I said. "Whose is that with the vase on top?" + +"Vase?" said Preston--"it's an urn. It is an urn, Daisy. People do not +put vases on tombstones." + +I asked what the difference was. + +"The difference? O Daisy, Daisy! Why vases are to put flowers in; and +urns--I'll tell you, Daisy,--I believe it is because the Romans used +to burn the bodies of their friends and gather up the ashes and keep +them in a funeral urn. So an urn comes to be appropriate to a +tombstone." + +"I do not see how," I said. + +"Why because an urn comes to be an emblem of mortality and all that. +Come, Daisy; let us go." + +"I think a vase of flowers would be a great deal nicer," I said. "We +do not keep the ashes of our friends." + +"We don't put signs of joy over their graves either," said Preston. + +"I should think we might," I said meditatively. "When people have gone +to Jesus--they must be very glad!" + +Preston burst out with an expression of hope that Miss Pinshon would +"do something" for me; and again would have led me away; but I was not +ready to go. My eye, roving beyond the white marble and the low brick +wall, had caught what seemed to be a number of meaner monuments, +scattered among the pine trees and spreading down the slope of the +ground on the further side, where it fell off towards another dell. In +one place a bit of board was set up; further on a cross; then I saw a +great many bits of board and crosses; some more and some less +carefully made; and still as my eye roved about over the ground they +seemed to start up to view in every direction; too low and too humble +and too near the colour of the fallen pine leaves to make much show +unless they were looked for. I asked what they all were. + +"Those? Oh, those are for the people, you know." + +"The people?" I repeated. + +"Yes, the people--the hands." + +"There are a great many of them," I remarked. + +"Of course," said Preston. "You see, Daisy, there have been I don't +know how many hundreds of hands here for a great many years, ever +since mother's grandfather's time." + +"I should think," said I, looking at the little board slips and +crosses among the pine cones on the ground,--"I should think they +would like to have something nicer to put up over their graves." + +"Nicer? those are good enough," said Preston. "Good enough for them." + +"I should think they would like to have something better," I said. +"Poor people at the North have nicer monuments, I know. I never saw +such monuments in my life." + +"Poor people!" cried Preston. "Why these are the _hands_, Daisy,--the +coloured people. What do they want of monuments?" + +"Don't they care?" said I, wondering. + +"Who cares if they care? I don't know whether they care," said +Preston, quite out of patience with me, I thought. + +"Only, if they cared, I should think they would have something nicer," +I said. "Where do they all go to church, Preston?" + +"Who?" said Preston. + +"These people?" + +"What people? The families along the river do you mean?" + +"No, no," said I; "I mean _our_ people--these people; the hands. You +say there are hundreds of them. Where do they go to church?" + +I faced Preston now in my eagerness; for the little board crosses and +the forlorn look of the whole burying-ground on the side of the hill +had given me a strange feeling. "Where do they go to church, +Preston!" + +"Nowhere, I reckon." + +I was shocked, and Preston was impatient. How should he know, he said; +he did not live at Magnolia. And he carried me off. We went back to +the avenue and slowly bent our steps again towards the house; slowly, +for I was tired, and we both, I think, were busy with our thoughts. +Presently I saw a man, a negro, come into the avenue a little before +us with a bundle of tools on his back. He went as slowly as we, with +an indescribable, purposeless gait. His figure had the same look too, +from his lop-sided old white hat to every fold of his clothing, which +seemed to hang about him just as it would as lieve be off as on. I +begged Preston to hail him and ask him the question about church +going, which sorely troubled me. Preston was unwilling and resisted. + +"What do you want me to do that for, Daisy?" + +"Because Aunt Gary told Miss Pinshon that we have to drive six miles +to go to church. Do ask him where they go!" + +"They don't go _anywhere_, Daisy," said Preston, impatiently; "they +don't care a straw about it, either. All the church they care about is +when they get together in somebody's house and make a great muss." + +"Make a muss!" said I. + +"Yes; a regular muss; shouting and crying and having what they call a +good time. That's what some of them do; but I'll wager if I were to +ask him about going to church, this fellow here would not know what I +mean." + +This did by no means quiet me. I insisted that Preston should stop the +man; and at last he did. The fellow turned and came back towards us, +ducking his old white hat. His face was just like the rest of him; there +was no expression in it but an expression of limp submissiveness. + +"Sambo, your mistress wants to speak to you." + +"Yes, massa. I's George, massa." + +"George," said I, "I want to know where you go to church?" + +"Yes, missis. What missis want to know?" + +"Where do you and all the rest go to church?" + +"Reckon don't go nowhar, missis." + +"Don't you ever go to church?" + +"Church for white folks, missis; bery far; long ways to ride." + +"But you and the rest of the people--don't you go anywhere to church? +to hear preaching?" + +"Reckon not, missis. De preachin's don't come dis way, likely." + +"Can you read the Bible, George?" + +"Dunno read, missis. Never had no larnin'." + +"Then don't you know anything about what is in the Bible? don't you +know about Jesus?" + +"Reckon don't know not'ing, missis." + +"About Jesus?" said I again. + +"'Clar, missis, dis nigger don't know not'ing, but de rice and de +corn. Missis talk to Darry; he most knowin' nigger on plantation; +knows a heap." + +"There!" exclaimed Preston, "that will do. You go off to your supper, +George--and Daisy, you had better come on if you want anything +pleasant at home. What on earth have you got now by that? What is the +use? Of course they do not know anything; and why should they? They +have no time and no use for it." + +"They have no time on Sundays?" I said. + +"Time to sleep. That is what they do. That is the only thing a negro +cares about, to go to sleep in the sun. It's all nonsense, Daisy." + +"They would care about something else, I dare say," I answered, "if +they could get it." + +"Well, they can't get it. Now, Daisy, I want you to let these fellows +alone. You have nothing to do with them, and you did not come to +Magnolia for such work. You have nothing on earth to do with them." + +I had my own thoughts on the subject, but Preston was not a sympathising +hearer. I said no more. The evergreen oaks about the house came presently +in sight; then the low verandah that ran round three sides of it; then we +came to the door, and my walk was over. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +THE MULTIPLICATION TABLE. + + +My life at Magnolia might be said to begin when I came downstairs that +evening. My aunt and Miss Pinshon were sitting in the parlour, in the +light of a glorious fire of light wood and oak sticks. Miss Pinshon +called me to her at once; inquired where I had been; informed me I +must not for the future take such diversion without her leave first +asked and obtained; and then put me to reading aloud, that she might +see how well I could do it. She gave me a philosophical article in a +magazine for my proof piece; it was full of long words that I did not +know and about matters that I did not understand. I read mechanically, +of course; trying with all my might to speak the long words right, +that there might be no room for correction; but Miss Pinshon's voice +interrupted me again and again. I felt cast away in a foreign land; +further and further from the home feeling every minute; and it seemed +besides as if the climate had some power of petrifaction. I could not +keep Medusa out of my head. It was a relief at last when the tea was +brought in. Miss Pinshon took the magazine out of my hand. + +"She has a good voice, but she wants expression," was her remark. + +"I could not understand what she was reading," said my Aunt Gary. + +"Nor anybody else," said Preston. "How are you going to give +expression, when there is nothing to express?" + +"That is where you feel the difference between a good reader and one +who is not trained," said my governess. "I presume Daisy has never +been trained." + +"No, not in anything," said my aunt. "I dare say she wants a good deal +of it." + +"We will try," said Miss Pinshon. + +It all comes back to me as I write, that beginning of my Magnolia +life. I remember how dazed and disheartened I sat at the tea-table, +yet letting nobody see it; how Preston made violent efforts to change +the character of the evening; and did keep up a stir that at another +time would have amused me. And when I was dismissed to bed, Preston +came after me to the upper gallery and almost broke up my power of +keeping quiet. He gathered me in his arms, kissed me and lamented me, +and denounced ferocious threats against "Medusa;" while I in vain +tried to stop him. He would not be sent away, till he had come into my +room and seen that the fire was burning and the room warm, and +Margaret ready for me. + +With Margaret there was also an old coloured woman, dark and wrinkled, +my faithful old friend Mammy Theresa! but indeed I could scarcely see +her just then, for my eyes were full of big tears when Preston left +me; and I had to stand still before the fire for some minutes before +I could fight down the fresh tears that were welling up and let those +which veiled my eyesight scatter away. I was conscious how silently +the two women waited upon me. I had a sense even then of the sympathy +they were giving. I knew they served me with a respect which would +have done for an Eastern princess; but I said nothing hardly, nor +they, that night. + +If the tears came when I was alone, so did sleep too at last; and I +waked up the next morning a little revived. It was a cool morning, and +my eyes opened to see Margaret on her knees making my fire. Two good +oak sticks were on the fire dogs, and a heap of light wood on the +floor. I watched her piling and preparing, and then kindling the wood +with a splinter of light wood which she lit in the candle. It was all +very strange to me. The bare painted and varnished floor; the rugs +laid down here and there; the old cupboards in the wall; the unwonted +furniture. It did not feel like home. I lay still, until the fire +blazed up and Margaret rose to her feet, and seeing my eyes open +dropped her curtsey. + +"Please, missis, may I be Miss Daisy's girl?" + +"I will ask Aunt Gary," I answered, a good deal surprised. + +"Miss Daisy is the mistress. We all belong to Miss Daisy. It will be +as she say." + +I thought to myself that very little was going to be "as I said." I +got out of bed, feeling terribly slim-hearted, and stood in my +nightgown before the fire, trying to let the blaze warm me. Margaret +did her duties with a zeal of devotion that reminded me of my old +June. + +"I will ask Aunt Gary," I said; "and I think she will let you build my +fire, Margaret." + +"Thank'e, ma'am. First-rate fires. I'll make, Miss Daisy. We'se all so +glad Miss Daisy come to Magnoly." + +Were they? I thought, and what did she mean by their all "belonging to +me?" I was not accustomed to quite so much deference. However, I +improved my opportunity by asking Margaret my question of the day +before about church. The girl half laughed. + +"Ain't any church big enough to hold all de people," she said. "Guess +we coloured folks has to go widout." + +"But where _is_ the church?" I said. + +"Ain't none, Miss Daisy. People enough to make a church full all +himselves." + +"And don't you want to go?" + +"Reckon it's o' no consequence, missis. It's a right smart chance of a +way to Bo'mbroke, where de white folks' church is. Guess they don't +have none for poor folks nor niggers in dese parts." + +"But Jesus died for poor people," I said, turning round upon my +attendant. She met me with a gaze I did not understand, and said +nothing. Margaret was not like my old June. She was a clear mulatto, +with a fresh colour and rather a handsome face; and her eyes, unlike +June's little anxious, restless, almond-shaped eyes, were liquid and +full. She went on carefully with the toilet duties which busied her; +and I was puzzled. + +"Did you never hear of Jesus?" I said presently. "Don't you know that +He loves poor people?" + +"Reckon He loves rich people de best, Miss Daisy," the girl said, in a +dry tone. + +I faced about to deny this, and to explain how the Lord had a special +love and care for the poor. I saw that my hearer did not believe me. +"She had heerd so," she said. + +The dressing-bell sounded long and loud, and I was obliged to let +Margaret go on with my dressing; but in the midst of my puzzled state +of mind, I felt childishly sure of the power of that truth, of the +Lord's love, to break down any hardness and overcome any coldness. +Yet, "how shall they hear without a preacher?" and I had so little +chance to speak. + +"Then, Margaret," said I at last, "is there no place where you can go +to hear about the things in the Bible?" + +"No, missis; I never goes." + +"And does not anybody, except Darry when he goes with the carriage?" + +"Can't, Miss Daisy; it's miles and miles; and no place for niggers +neither." + +"Can you read the Bible, Margaret?" + +"Guess not, missis; we's too stupid; ain't good for coloured folks to +read." + +"Does _nobody_, among all the people, read the Bible?" said I, once +more stopping Margaret in my dismay. + +"Uncle Darry--he does," said the girl; "and he do 'spoun some; but I +don't make no count of his 'spoundations." + +I did not know quite what she meant; but I had no time for anything +more. I let her go, locked my door and kneeled down; with the burden +on my heart of this new revelation; that there were hundreds of people +under the care of my father and mother who were living without church +and without Bible, in desperate ignorance of everything worth knowing. +If papa had only been at Magnolia with me! I thought I could have +persuaded him to build a church and let somebody come and teach the +people. But now--what could I do? And I asked the Lord, what could I +do? but I did not see the answer. + +Feeling the question on my two shoulders, I went downstairs. To my +astonishment, I found the family all gathered in solemn order; the +house servants at one end of the room, my aunt, Miss Pinshon and +Preston at the other, and before my aunt a little table with books. I +got a seat as soon as I could, for it was plain that something was +waiting for me. Then my aunt opened the Bible and read a chapter, and +followed it with prayer read out of another book. I was greatly amazed +at the whole proceeding. No such ceremony was ever gone through at +Melbourne; and certainly nothing had ever given me the notion that my +Aunt Gary was any more fond of sacred things than the rest of the +family. + +"An excellent plan," said Miss Pinshon, when we had risen from our +knees and the servants had filed off. + +"Yes," my aunt said, somewhat as if it needed an apology;--"it was the +custom in my father's and grandfather's time; and we always keep it +up. I think old customs always should be kept up." + +"And do you have the same sort of thing on Sundays, for the +out-of-door hands?" + +"What?" said my aunt. It was somewhat more abrupt than polite; but she +probably felt that Miss Pinshon was a governess. + +"There were only the house servants gathered this morning." + +"Of course; part of them." + +"Have you any similar system of teaching for those who are outside? I +think you told me they have no church to go to." + +"I should like to know what 'system' you would adopt," said my aunt, +"to reach seven hundred people." + +"A church and a minister would not be a bad thing." + +"Or we might all turn missionaries," said Preston; "and go among them +with bags of Bibles round our necks. We might all turn missionaries." + +"Colporteurs," said Miss Pinshon. + +Then I said in my heart, "I will be one." But I went on eating my +breakfast and did not look at anybody; only I listened with all my +might. + +"I don't know about that," said my aunt. "I doubt whether a church and +a minister would be beneficial." + +"Then you have a nation of heathen at your doors," said Miss Pinshon. + +"I don't know but they are just as well off," said my aunt. "I doubt +if more light would do them any good. They would not understand it." + +"They must be very dark if they could not understand light," said my +governess. + +"Just as people that are very light cannot understand darkness," said +Preston. + +"I think so," my aunt went on. "Our neighbour Colonel Joram, down +below here at Crofts, will not allow such a thing as preaching or +teaching on his plantation. He says it is bad for them. We always +allowed it; but I don't know." + +"Colonel Joram is a heathen himself, you know, mother," said Preston. +"Don't hold _him_ up." + +"I will hold him up for a gentleman, and a very successful planter," +said Mrs. Gary. "No place is better worked or managed than Crofts. If +the estate of Magnolia were worked and kept as well, it would be worth +half as much again as it ever has been. But there is the difference of +the master's eye. My brother-in-law never could be induced to settle +at Magnolia, nor at his own estates either. He likes it better in the +cold North." + +Miss Pinshon made no remark whatever in answer to this statement; and +the rest of the talk at the breakfast-table was about rice. + +After breakfast my school life at Magnolia began. It seemed as if all +the threads of my life there were in a hurry to get into my hand. Ah! +I had a handful soon! But this was the fashion of my first day with my +governess. All the days were not quite so bad; however, it gave the +key of them all. + +Miss Pinshon bade me come with her to the room she and my aunt had agreed +should be the schoolroom. It was the back room of the house, though it +had hardly books enough to be called a library. It had been the study or +private room of my grandfather; there was a leather-covered table with an +old bronze standish; some plain bookcases; a large escritoire; a +terrestrial globe; a thermometer and a barometer; and the rest of the +furniture was an abundance of chintz-covered chairs and lounges. These +were very easy and pleasant for use; and long windows opening on the +verandah looked off among the evergreen oaks and their floating grey +drapery; the light in the room and the whole aspect of it was agreeable. +If Miss Pinshon had not been there! But she was there, with a terrible +air of business; setting one or two chairs in certain positions by a +window, and handing one or two books on the table. I stood meek and +helpless, expectant. + +"Have you read any history, Daisy?" + +I said no; then I said yes, I had; a little. + +"What?" + +"A little of the history of England last summer." + +"Not of your own country?" + +"No, ma'am." + +"And no ancient history?" + +"No, ma'am." + +"You know nothing of the division of the nations, of course?" + +I answered, nothing. I had no idea what she meant; except that +England, and America, and France, were different, and of course +divided. Of Peleg the son of Eber and the brother of Joktan, I then +knew nothing. + +"And arithmetic is something you do not understand," pursued Miss +Pinshon. "Come here, and let me see how you can write." + +With trembling, stiff little fingers--I feel them yet--I wrote some +lines under my governess's eye. + +"Very unformed," was her comment. "And now, Daisy, you may sit down +there in the window and study the multiplication table. See how much +of it you can get this morning." + +Was it to be a morning's work? My heart was heavy as lead. At this hour, +at Melbourne, my task would have been to get my flat hat and rush out +among the beds of flowers; and a little later, to have up Loupe and go +driving whither I would, among the meadows and cornfields. Ah, yes; and +there was Molly who might be taught, and Juanita who might be visited; +and Dr. Sandford who might come like a pleasant gale of wind into the +midst of whatever I was about. I did not stop to think of them now, +though a waft of the sunny air through the open window brought a violent +rush of such images. I tried to shut them out of my head and gave myself +wistfully to "three times one is three; three times two is six." Miss +Pinshon helped me by closing the window. I thought she might have let so +much sweetness as that come into the multiplication table. However I +studied its threes and fours steadily for some time; then my attention +flagged. It was very uninteresting. I had never in all my life till then +been obliged to study what gave me no pleasure. My mind wandered, and +then my eyes wandered, to where the sunlight lay so golden under the live +oaks. The wreaths of grey moss stirred gently with the wind. I longed to +be out there. Miss Pinshon's voice startled me. + +"Daisy, where are your thoughts?" + +I hastily brought my eyes and wits home and answered, "Out upon the +lawn, ma'am." + +"Do you find the multiplication table there?" + +It was so needless to answer! I was mute. I would have come to the +rash conclusion that nature and mathematics had nothing to do with +each other. + +"You must learn to command your attention," my governess went on. "You +must not let it wander. That is the first lesson you have to learn. I +shall give you mathematics till you have learnt it. You can do nothing +without attention." + +I bent myself to the threes and fours again. But I was soon weary; my +mind escaped; and without turning my eyes off my book, it swept over +the distance between Magnolia and Melbourne, and sat down by Molly +Skelton to help her in getting her letters. It was done and I was +there. I could hear the hesitating utterances; I could see the dull +finger tracing its way along the lines. And then would come the +reading _to_ Molly, and the interested look of waiting attention, and +once in a while the strange softening of the poor hard face. From +there my mind went off to the people around me at Magnolia; were there +some to be taught here perhaps? and could I get at them? and was there +no other way--could it be there was no other way but by my weak little +voice--through which some of them were ever to learn about my dear +Saviour? I had got very far from mathematics, and my book fell. I +heard Miss Pinshon's voice. + +"Daisy, come here." + +I obeyed and came to the table, where my governess was installed in +the leather chair of my grandfather. She always used it. + +"I should like to know what you are doing." + +"I was thinking," I said. + +"Did I give you thinking to do?" + +"No, ma'am; not of that kind." + +"What kind was it?" + +"I was thinking, and remembering----" + +"Pray what were you remembering?" + +"Things at home--and other things." + +"Things and things," said Miss Pinshon. "That is not a very elegant +way of speaking. Let me hear how much you have learned." + +I began. About all of the "threes" was on my tongue; the rest had got +mixed up hopelessly with Molly Skelton and teaching Bible reading. +Miss Pinshon was not pleased. + +"You must learn attention," she said. "I can do nothing with you until +you have succeeded in that. You _must_ attend. Now I shall give you a +motive for minding what you are about. Go and sit down again and study +this table till you know the threes and the fours and the fives and +the sixes, perfectly. Go and sit down." + +I sat down, and the life was all out of me. Tears in the first place had +a great mind to come, and would put themselves between me and the figures +in the multiplication table. I governed them back after a while. But I +could not study to purpose. I was tired and down-spirited; I had not +energy left to spring to my task and accomplish it. Over and over again I +tried to put the changes of the numbers in my head; it seemed like +writing them in sand. My memory would not take hold of them; could not +keep them; with all my trying I grew only more and more stupefied and +fagged, and less capable of doing what I had to do. So dinner came, and +Miss Pinshon said I might get myself ready for dinner and after dinner +come back again to my lesson. The lesson must be finished before anything +else was done. + +I had no appetite. Preston was in a fume of vexation, partly aroused +by my looks, partly by hearing that I was not yet free. He was enraged +beyond prudent speaking, but Miss Pinshon never troubled herself about +his words; and when the first and second courses were removed, told me +I might go to my work. Preston called me to stay and have some fruit; +but I went on to the study, not caring for fruit or for anything else. +I felt very dull and miserable. Then I remembered that my governess +probably did care for some fruit and would be delayed a little while; +and then I tried what is the best preparation for study or anything +else. I got down on my knees, to ask that help which is as willingly +given to a child in her troubles as to the general of an army. I +prayed that I might be patient and obedient and take disagreeable +things pleasantly and do my duty in the multiplication table. And a +breath of rest came over my heart, and a sort of perfume of remembered +things which I had forgotten; and it quite changed the multiplication +table to think that God had given it to me to learn, and so that some +good would certainly come of learning it; at least the good of +pleasing Him. As long as I dared I stayed on my knees; then I was +strong for the fives and sixes. + +But it was not quick work; and though my patience did not flag again +nor my attention fail, the afternoon was well on the way before I was +dismissed. I had then permission to do what I liked. Miss Pinshon said +she would not go to walk that day; I might follow my own pleasure. + +I must have been very tired; for it seemed to me there was hardly any +pleasure left to follow. I got my flat and went out. The sun was +westing; the shadows stretched among the evergreen oaks; the outer air +was sweet. I had tried to find Preston first, in the house; but he was +not to be found; and all alone I went out into the sunshine. It wooed +me on. Sunshine and I were always at home together. Without knowing +that I wanted to go anywhere, some secret attraction drew my steps +towards the dell where I had seen Darry. I followed one of several +well-beaten paths that led towards the quarters through the trees, and +presently came out upon the stables again. All along the dell the +sunshine poured. The ground was kept like a pleasure ground, it was so +neat; the grass was as clean as the grass of a park; the little stone +houses scattered away down towards the river, with shade trees among +them, and oaks lining the sides of the dell. I thought surely Magnolia +was a lovely place! if only my father and mother had been there. But +then, seeing the many cottages, my trouble of the morning pressed upon +me afresh. So many people, so many homes, and the light of the Bible +not on them, nor in them? And, child as I was, and little as I knew, I +knew the name of Christ too unspeakably precious, for me to think +without a sore heart, and all these people were without what was the +jewel of my life. And they my mother's servants! my father's +dependants! What could I do? + +The dell was alone in the yellow sunlight which poured over the slope +from the west: and I went musing on till getting to the corner of the +stables I saw Darry just round the corner grooming a black horse. He +was working energetically, and humming to himself as he worked a +refrain which I learned afterwards to know well. All I could make out +was, "I'm going home"--several times repeated. I came near before he +saw me, and he started; then bid me good evening and "hoped I found +Magnolia a pleasant place." + +Since I have grown older I have read that wonderful story of Mrs. Stowe's +Uncle Tom; he reminded me of Darry then, and now I never think of the one +without thinking of the other. But Darry, having served a different class +of people from Uncle Tom's first owners, had a more polished style of +manners, which I should almost call courtly; and he was besides a man of +higher natural parts, and somewhat more education. But much commerce in +the Court which is above all earthly dignities, no doubt had more to do +with his peculiarities than any other cause. + +I asked him what he was singing about home? and where his home was? He +turned his face full upon me, letting me see how grave and gentle his +eye was, and at the same time there was a wistful expression in it +that I felt. + +"Home ain't nowheres here, missie," he said. "I'm 'spectin' to go by +and by." + +"Do you mean home up _there_?" said I, lifting my finger towards the +sky. Darry fairly laughed. + +"'Spect don't want no other home, missie. Heaven good enough." + +I stood watching him as he rubbed down the black horse, feeling surely +that he and I would be friends. + +"Where is your home here, Darry?" + +"I got a place down there, little missie--not fur." + +"When you have done that horse, will you show me your place? I want to +see where you live." + +"Missie want to see Darry's house?" said he, showing his white teeth. +"Missie shall see what she mind to. I allus keeps Sadler till the +last, 'cause he's ontractable." + +The black horse was put in the stable, and I followed my black groom down +among the lines of stone huts to which the working parties had not yet +returned. Darry's house was one of the lowest in the dell, out of the +quadrangle, and had a glimpse of the river. It stood alone in a pretty +place, but something about it did not satisfy me. It looked square and +bare. The stone walls within were rough as the stone-layer had left them; +one little four-paned window, or rather casement, stood open; and the air +was sweet; for Darry kept his place scrupulously neat and clean. But +there was not much to be kept. A low bedstead; a wooden chest; an odd +table made of a piece of board on three legs; a shelf with some kitchen +ware; that was all the furniture. On the odd table there lay a Bible, +that had, I saw, been turned over many a time. + +"Then you can read, Uncle Darry?" I said, pitching on the only thing +that pleased me. + +"De good Lord, He give me dat happiness," the man answered gravely. + +"And you love Jesus, Darry," I said, feeling that we had better come +to an understanding as soon as possible. His answer was an energetic-- + +"Bress de Lord! Do Miss Daisy love Him, den?" + +I would have said yes; I did say yes, I believe; but I did not know +how or why, at this question there seemed a coming together of +gladness and pain which took away my breath. My head dropped on +Darry's little window-sill, and my tears rushed forth, like the head +of water behind a broken mill-dam. Darry was startled and greatly +concerned. He wanted to know if I was not well--if I would send him +for "su'thing"--I could only shake my head and weep. I think Darry was +the only creature at Magnolia before whom I would have so broken down. +But somehow I felt safe with Darry. The tears cleared away from my +voice after a little; and I went on with my inquiries again. It was a +good chance. + +"Uncle Darry, does no one else but you read the Bible?" + +He looked dark and troubled. "Missie sees--de folks for most part got +no learning. Dey no read, sure." + +"Do you read the Bible to them, Darry?" + +"Miss Daisy knows, dere ain't no great time. Dey's in the field all +day, most days, and dey hab no time for to hear." + +"But Sundays?" I said. + +"Do try," he said, looking graver yet. "Me do 'tempt su'thing. But +missie knows, de Sabbat' be de only day de people hab, and dey tink +mostly of oder tings." + +"And there is no church for you all to go to?" + +"No, missis; no church." + +There was a sad tone in his answer. I did not know how to go on. I +turned to something else. + +"Uncle Darry, I don't think your home looks very comfortable." + +Darry almost laughed at that. He said it was good enough; would last +very well a little while longer. I insisted that it was not +_comfortable_. It was cold. + +"Sun warm, Miss Daisy. De good Lord, He make His sun warm. And dere be +fires enough." + +"But it is very empty," I said. "You want something more in it, to +make it look nice." + +"It never empty, Miss Daisy, when de Lord Hisself be here. And He not +leave His chil'n alone. Miss Daisy know dat?" + +I stretched forth my little hand and laid it in Darry's great black +palm. There was an absolute confidence established between us. + +"Uncle Darry," I said, "I _do_ love Him--but sometimes, I want to see +papa!----" + +And therewith my self-command was almost gone. I stood with full eyes +and quivering lips, my hand still in Darry's, who on his part was +speechless with sympathy. + +"De time pass quick, and Miss Daisy see her pa'," he said at last. + +I did not think the time passed quick. I said so. + +"Do little missie ask de Lord for help?" Darry said, his eyes by this +time as watery as mine. "Do Miss Daisy know, it nebber lonesome where +de Lord be? He so good." + +I could not stand any more. I pulled away my hand and stood still, +looking out of the window and seeing nothing, till I could make myself +quiet. Then I changed the subject and told Darry I should like to go +and see some of the other houses again. I know now, I can see, looking +back, how my childish self-control and reserve made some of those +impulsive natures around me regard me with something like worshipful +reverence. I felt it then, without thinking of it or reasoning about +it. From Darry, and from Margaret, and from Mammy Theresa, and from +several others, I had a loving, tender reverence, which not only felt +for me as a sorrowful child, but bowed before me as something of +higher and stronger nature than themselves. Darry silently attended +me now from house to house of the quarters; introducing and explaining +and doing all he could to make my progress interesting and amusing. +Interested I was; but most certainly not amused. I did not like the +look of things any better than I had done at first. The places were +not "nice;" there was a coarse, uncared-for air of everything within, +although the outside was in such well-dressed condition. No litter on +the grass, no untidiness of walls or chimneys; and no seeming of +comfortable homes when the door was opened. The village, for it +amounted to that, was almost deserted at that hour; only a few +crooning old women on the sunny side of a wall, and a few half-grown +girls, and a quantity of little children, depending for all the care +they got upon one or the other of these. + +"Haven't all these little babies got mothers!" I asked. + +"For sure, Miss Daisy--dey's got modders." + +"Where _are_ the mothers of all these babies, Darry?" I asked. + +"Dey's in de field, Miss Daisy. Home d'rectly." + +"Are they working like _men_ in the fields!" I asked. + +"Dey's all at work," said Darry. + +"Do they do the same work as the men?" + +"All alike, Miss Daisy." Darry's answers were not hearty. + +"But don't their little babies want them?" said I, looking at a group +of girls in whose hands were some very little babies indeed. I think +Darry made me no answer. + +"But if the men and women both work out," I went on, "papa must give +them a great deal of money; I should think they would have things more +comfortable, Darry. Why don't they have little carpets, and tables and +chairs, and cups and saucers? Hardly anybody has teacups and saucers. +Have _you_ got any, Uncle Darry?" + +"'Spect I'se no good woman to brew de tea for her ole man," said +Darry; but I thought he looked at me very oddly. + +"Couldn't you make it for yourself, Uncle Darry?" + +"Poor folks don't live just like de rich folks," he answered, quietly, +after a minute's pause. "And I don't count fur to want no good t'ing, +missie." + +I went on with my observations; my questions I thought I would not +push any further at that time. I grew more and more dissatisfied, that +my father's work-people should live in no better style and in no +better comfort. Even Molly Skelton had a furnished and appointed +house, compared with these little bare stone huts; and mothers that +would leave their babies for the sake of more wages, must, I thought, +be very barbarous mothers. This was all because, no doubt, of having +no church and no Bible. I grew weary. As we were going up the dell +towards the stables, I suddenly remembered my pony; and I asked to see +him. + +Darry was much relieved, I fancy, to have me come back to a child's +sphere of action. He had out the fat little grey pony, and talked it +over to me with great zeal. It came into my head to ask for a saddle. + +"Dere be a saddle," Darry said, doubtfully. "Massa Preston he done got +a saddle dis very day. Dunno where Massa Preston can be." + +I did not heed this. I begged to have the saddle and be allowed to try +the pony. Now Preston had laid a plan that nobody but himself should +have the pleasure of first mounting me; but I did not know of this +plan. Darry hesitated, I saw, but he had not the power to refuse me. +The saddle was brought out, put on, and carefully arranged. + +"Uncle Darry, I want to get on him--may I?" + +"O' course--Miss Daisy do what she mind to. Him bery good, only some +lazy." + +So I was mounted. Preston, Miss Pinshon, the servants' quarters, the +multiplication table, all were forgotten and lost in a misty distance. I +was in the saddle for the first time, and delight held me by both hands. +My first moment on horseback! If Darry had guessed it he would have been +terribly concerned; but as it happened, I knew how to take my seat; I had +watched my mother so often mounting her horse that every detail was +familiar to me; and Darry naturally supposed I knew what I was about +after I was in my seat. The reins were a little confusing; however, the +pony walked off lazily with me to the head of the glen, and I thought he +was an improvement upon the old pony chaise. Finding myself coming out +upon the avenue, which I did not wish, it became necessary to get at the +practical use of the bridle. I was at some pains to do it; finally I +managed to turn the pony's head round, and we walked back in the same +sober style we had come up. Darry stood by the stables, smiling and +watching me; down among the quarters the children and old people turned +out to look after me; I walked down as far as Darry's house, turned and +came back again. Darry stood ready to help me to dismount; but it was too +pleasant. I went on to the avenue. Just as I turned there, I caught, as +it seemed to me, a glimpse of two ladies, coming towards me from the +house. Involuntarily I gave a sharper pull at the bridle, and I suppose +touched the pony's shoulder with the switch Darry had put into my hand. +The touch so woke him up, that he shook off his laziness and broke into a +short galloping canter to go back to the stables. This was a new +experience. I thought for the first minute that I certainly should be +thrown off; I seemed to have no hold of anything, and I was tossed up and +down on my saddle in the way that boded a landing on the ground every +next time. + +I was not timid with animals, whatever might be true of me in other +relations. My first comfort was finding that I did _not_ fall off; +then I took heart and settled myself in the saddle more securely, gave +myself to the motion, and began to think I should like it by and by. +Nevertheless, for this time I was willing to stop at the stables; but +the pony had only just found how good it was to be moving, and he went +by at full canter. Down the dell, through the quarters, past the +cottages, till I saw Darry's house ahead of me, and began to think how +I _should_ get round again. At that pace I could not. Could I stop the +fellow? I tried, but there was not much strength in my arms; one or +two pulls did no good, and one or two pulls more did no good; pony +cantered on, and I saw we were making straight for the river. I knew +that I _must_ stop him; I threw so much good-will into the handling of +my reins that, to my joy, the pony paused, let himself be turned about +placidly, and took up his leisurely walk again. But now I was in a +hurry, wanting to be dismounted before anybody should come; and I was +a little triumphant, having kept my seat and turned my horse. +Moreover, the walk was not good after that stirring canter. I would +try it again. But it took a little earnestness now and more than one +touch of my whip before the pony would mind me. Then he obeyed in good +style and we cantered quietly up to where Darry was waiting. The thing +was done. The pony and I had come to an understanding. I was a rider +from that time, without fear or uncertainty. The first gentle pull on +the bridle was obeyed and I came to a stop in front of Darry and my +cousin Preston. + +I have spent a great deal of time to tell of my ride. Yet not more +than its place in my life then deserved. It was my last half hour of +pleasure for I think many a day. I had cantered up the slope, all +fresh in mind and body, excited and glad with my achievement and with +the pleasure of brisk motion; I had forgotten everybody and everything +disagreeable, or what I did not forget I disregarded; but just before +I stopped I saw what sent another thrill than that of pleasure +tingling through all my veins. I saw Preston, who had but a moment +before reached the stables, I saw him lift his hand with a light +riding switch he carried, and drew the switch across Darry's mouth. I +shall never forget the coloured man's face, as he stepped back a pace +or two. I understood it afterwards; I _felt_ it then. There was no +resentment; there was no fire of anger, which I should have expected; +there was no manly and no stolid disregard of what had been done. +There was instead a slight smile, which to this day I cannot bear to +recall; it spoke so much of patient and helpless humiliation; as of +one wincing at the galling of a sore and trying not to show he winced. +Preston took me off my horse, and began to speak. I turned away from +him to Darry, who now held two horses, Preston having just dismounted; +and I thanked him for my pleasure, throwing into my manner all the +studied courtesy I could. Then I walked up the dell beside Preston, +without looking at him. + +Preston scolded. He had prepared a surprise for me, and was excited by +his disappointment at my mounting without him. Of course I had not +known that; and Darry, who was in the secret, had not known how to +refuse. I gave Preston no answer to his charges and reproaches. At +last I said I was tired and I wished he would not talk. + +"Tired! you are something besides tired," he said. + +"I suppose I am," I answered with great deliberation. + +He was eager to know what it was; but then we came out upon the avenue +and were met flush by my aunt and Miss Pinshon. My aunt inquired, and +Preston, who was by no means cool yet, accused me about the doings of +the afternoon. I scarcely heeded one or the other; but I did feel Miss +Pinshon's taking my hand and leading me home all the rest of the way. +It was not that I wanted to talk to Preston, for I was not ready to +talk to him; but this holding me like a little child was excessively +distasteful to my habit of freedom. My governess would not loose her +clasp when we got to the house; but kept fast hold and led me upstairs +to my own room. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +SEVEN HUNDRED PEOPLE. + + +"Do you think that was a proper thing to do, Daisy?" my governess +asked when she released me. + +"What thing, ma'am?" I asked. + +"To tear about on that great grey pony." + +"Yes, ma'am," I said. + +"You think it _was_ proper?" said Miss Pinshon, coolly. "Whom had you +with you?" + +"Nobody was riding with me." + +"Your cousin was there?" + +"No, ma'am." + +"Who then?" + +"I had Uncle Darry. I was only riding up and down the dell." + +"The coachman! And were you riding up and through the quarters all the +afternoon?" + +"No, ma'am." + +"What were you doing the rest of the time?" + +"I was going about----" I hesitated. + +"About where?" + +"Through the place there." + +"The quarters? Well, you think it proper amusement for your mother's +daughter? You are not to make companions of the servants, Daisy. You +are not to go to the quarters without my permission, and I shall not +give it frequently. Now get yourself ready for tea." + +I did feel as if Preston's prophecy were coming true and I in a way to +be gradually petrified; some slow, chill work of that kind seemed +already to be going on. But a little thing soon stirred all the life +there was in me. Miss Pinshon stepped to the door which led from her +room into mine, unlocked it, took out the key, and put it on her own +side of the door. I sprang forward at that, with a word, I do not know +what; and my governess turned her lustrous, unmoved eyes calmly upon +me. I remember now how deadening their look was, in their very lustre +and moveless calm. I begged however for a reversal of her last +proceeding; I wanted my door locked sometimes, I said. + +"You can lock the other door." + +"But I want both locked." + +"I do not. This door remains open, Daisy. I must come in here when I +please. Now make haste and get ready." + +I had no time for anything but to obey. I went downstairs, I think, +like a machine; my body obeying certain laws, while my mind and spirit +were scarcely present. I suppose I behaved myself as usual; save that +I would have nothing to do with Preston, nor would I receive anything +whatever at the table from his hand. This, however, was known only to +him and me. I said nothing; not the less every word that others said +fastened itself in my memory. I was like a person dreaming. + +"You have just tired yourself with mounting that wild thing, Daisy," +said my Aunt Gary. + +"Wild!" said Preston. "About as wild as a tame sloth." + +"I always heard that was very wild indeed," said Miss Pinshon. "The +sloth cannot be tamed, can it?" + +"Being stupid already, I suppose not," said Preston. + +"Daisy looks pale at any rate," said my aunt. + +"A little overdone," said Miss Pinshon. "She wants regular exercise; +but irregular exercise is very trying to any but a strong person. I +think Daisy will be stronger in a few weeks." + +"What sort of exercise do you think will be good for her, ma'am?" +Preston said, with an expression out of all keeping with his words, it +was so fierce. + +"I shall try different sorts," my governess answered, composedly. +"Exercise of patience is a very good thing, Master Gary. I think +gymnastics will be useful for Daisy too. I shall try them." + +"That is what I have often said to my sister," said Aunt Gary. "I have +no doubt that sort of training would establish Daisy's strength more +than anything in the world. She just wants that to develop her and +bring out the muscles." + +Preston almost groaned; pushed his chair from the table, and I knew +sat watching me. I would give him no opportunity, for _my_ opportunity +I could not have then. I kept quiet till the ladies moved; I moved +with them; and sat all the evening abstracted in my own meditations, +without paying Preston any attention; feeling indeed very old and +grey, as no doubt I looked. When I was ordered to bed Miss Pinshon +desired I would hold no conversation with anybody. Whereupon Preston +took my candle and boldly marched out of the room with me. When we +were upstairs he tried to make me disobey my orders. He declared I +was turning to stone already; he said a great many hard words against +my governess; threatened he would write to my father; and when he +could not prevail to make me talk, dashed off passionately and left +me. I went trembling into my room. But my refuge there was gone. I had +fallen upon evil times. My door must not be locked, and Miss Pinshon +might come in any minute. I could not pray. I undressed and went to +bed; and lay there, waiting, all things in order, till my governess +looked in. Then the door was closed, and I heard her steps moving +about in her room. I lay and listened. At last the door was softly set +open again; and then after a few minutes the sound of regular slow +breathing proclaimed that those wide-open black eyes were really +closed for the night. I got up, went to my governess's door and +listened. She was sleeping profoundly. I laid hold of the handle of +the door and drew it towards me; pulled out the key softly, put it in +my own side of the lock and shut the door. And after all I was afraid +to turn the key. The wicked sound of the lock might enter those +sleeping ears. But the door was closed; and I went to my old place, +the open window. It was not my window at Melbourne, with balmy summer +air, and the dewy scent of the honeysuckle coming up, and the +moonlight flooding all the world beneath me. But neither was it in the +regions of the North. The night was still and mild, if not balmy; and +the stars were brilliant; and the evergreen oaks were masses of dark +shadow all over the lawn. I do not think I saw them at first; for my +look was up to the sky, where the stars shone down to greet me, and +where it was furthest from all the troubles on the surface of the +earth; and with one thought of the Friend up there, who does not +forget the troubles of even His little children, the barrier in my +heart gave way, my tears gushed forth; my head lay on the window-sill +at Magnolia, more hopelessly than in my childish sorrow it had ever +lain at Melbourne. I kept my sobs quiet; I must; but they were deep, +heartbreaking sobs, for a long time. + +Prayer got its chance after a while. I had a great deal to pray for; +it seemed to my child's heart now and then as if it could hardly bear +its troubles. And very much I felt I wanted patience and wisdom. I +thought there was a great deal to do, even for my little hands; and +promise of great hindrance and opposition. And the only one pleasant +thing I could think of in my new life at Magnolia, was that I might +tell of the truth to those poor people who lived in the negro +quarters. + +Why I did not make myself immediately ill, with my night's vigils and +sorrow, I cannot tell; unless it were that great excitement kept off +the effects of chill air and damp. However, the excitement had its own +effects, and my eyes were sadly heavy when they opened the next +morning to look at Margaret lighting my fire. + +"Margaret," I said, "shut Miss Pinshon's door, will you?" + +She obeyed, and then turning to look at me, exclaimed that I was not +well. + +"Did you say you could not read, Margaret?" was my answer. + +"Read! no, missis. Guess readin' ain't no good for servants. Seems +like Miss Daisy ain't lookin' peart this mornin'." + +"Would you _like_ to read?" + +"Reckon don't care about it, Miss Daisy. Where'd us get books, most +likely?" + +I said I would get the books; but Margaret turned to the fire and +made me no answer. I heard her mutter some ejaculation. + +"Because, Margaret, don't you know," I said, raising myself on my +elbow, "God would like to have you learn to read, so that you might +know the Bible and come to heaven." + +"Reckon folks ain't a heap better that knows the Bible," said the +girl. "'Pears as if it don't make no difference. Ain't nobody good in +_this_ place, 'cept Uncle Darry." + +In another minute I was out of bed and standing before the fire, my +hand on her shoulder. I told her I wanted _her_ to be good too, and +that Jesus would make her good, if she would let Him. Margaret gave me +a hasty look and then finished her fire making; but to my great +astonishment, a few minutes after, I saw that the tears were running +down the girl's face. It astonished me so much that I said no more; +and Margaret was as silent, only dressed me with the greatest +attention and tenderness. + +"Ye want your breakfast bad, Miss Daisy," she remarked then in a +subdued tone; and I suppose my looks justified her words. They created +some excitement when I went downstairs. My aunt exclaimed; Miss +Pinshon inquired; Preston inveighed, at things in general. He wanted +to get me by myself, I knew, but he had no chance. Immediately after +breakfast Miss Pinshon took possession of me. + +The day was less weary than the day before, only I think because I was +tired beyond impatience or nervous excitement. Not much was done; for +though I was very willing I had very little power. But the multiplication +table, Miss Pinshon said, was easy work; and at that and reading and +writing, the morning crept away. My hand was trembling, my voice was +faint, my memory grasped nothing so clearly as Margaret's tears that +morning, and Preston's behaviour the preceding day. My cheeks were pale, +of course. Miss Pinshon said we would begin to set that right with a walk +after dinner. + +The walk was had; but with my hand clasped in Miss Pinshon's I only +wished myself at home all the way. At home again, after a while of +lying down to rest, I was tried with a beginning of calisthenics. A +trial it was to me. The exercises, directed and overseen by Miss +Pinshon, seemed to me simply intolerable, a weariness beyond all other +weariness. Even the multiplication table I liked better. Miss Pinshon +was tired perhaps herself at last. She let me go. + +It was towards the end of the day. With no life left in me for +anything, I strolled out into the sunshine: aimlessly at first; then +led by a secret inclination I hardly knew or questioned, my steps +slowly made their way round by the avenue to the stables. Darry was +busy there as I had found him yesterday. He looked hard at me as I +came up; and asked me earnestly how I felt that afternoon? I told him +I was tired; and then I sat down on a huge log which lay there and +watched him at his work. By turns I watched the sunlight streaming +along the turf and lighting the foliage of the trees on the other side +of the dell; looking in a kind of dream, as if I were not Daisy nor +this Magnolia in any reality. I suddenly started and awoke to +realities as Darry began to sing,-- + + "My Father's house is built on high, + Far, far above the starry sky; + And though like Lazarus sick and poor, + My heavenly mansion is secure. + I'm going home,-- + I'm going home,-- + I'm going home + To die no more! + To die no more-- + To die no more-- + I'm going home + To die no more!" + +The word "home" at the end of each line was dwelt upon in a prolonged +sonorous note. It filled my ear with its melodious, plaintive breath +of repose; it rested and soothed me. I was listening in a sort of +trance, when another sound at my side both stopped the song and quite +broke up the effect. It was Preston's voice. Now for it. He was all +ready for a fight, and I felt miserably battered and shaken and unfit +to fight anything. + +"What are you doing here, Daisy?" + +"I am doing nothing," I said. + +"It is almost tea-time. Hadn't you better be walking home, before +Medusa comes looking out for you?" + +I rose up, and bade Uncle Darry good-night. + +"Good-night, missis," he said heartily, "and de morning dat hab no +night, for my dear little missis, by'm by." + +I gave him my hand, and walked on. + +"Stuff!" muttered Preston, by my side. + +"You will not think it 'stuff' when the time comes," I said, no doubt +very gravely. Then Preston burst out. + +"I only wish Aunt Felicia was here! You will spoil these people, +Daisy, that's one thing, or you would if you were older. As it is, you +are spoiling yourself." + +I made no answer. He went on with other angry and excited words, +wishing to draw me out, perhaps; but I was in no mood to talk to +Preston in any tone but one. I went steadily and slowly on, without +even turning my head to look at him. I had hardly life enough to talk +to him in _that_ tone. + +"Will you tell me what is the matter with you?" he said, at last, very +impatiently. + +"I am tired, I think." + +"Think? Medusa is stiffening the life out of you. _Think_ you are +tired! You are tired to death; but that is not all. What ails you?" + +"I do not think anything ails me." + +"What ails _me_, then? What is the matter? What makes you act so? +Speak, Daisy--you must speak!" + +I turned about and faced him, and I know I did not speak then as a +child, but with a gravity befitting fifty years. + +"Preston, did you strike Uncle Darry yesterday?" + +"Pooh!" said Preston. But I stood and waited for his answer. + +"Nonsense, Daisy!" he said again. + +"What is nonsense?" + +"Why, _you_. What are you talking about?" + +"I asked you a question." + +"A ridiculous question. You are just absurd." + +"Will you please to answer it?" + +"I don't know whether I will. What have you to do with it?" + +"In the first place, Preston, Darry is not your servant." + +"Upon my word!" said Preston. "But yes, he is; for mamma is regent +here now. He must do what I order him anyhow." + +"And then, Preston, Darry is better than you, and will not defend +himself; and somebody ought to defend him; and there is nobody but +me." + +"Defend himself!" echoed Preston. + +"Yes. You insulted him yesterday." + +"Insulted him!" + +"You know you did. You know, Preston, some men would not have borne +it. If Darry had been like some men, he would have knocked you down." + +"Knocked me down!" cried Preston. "The sneaking old scoundrel! He +knows that I would shoot him if he did." + +"I am speaking seriously, Preston. It is no use to talk that way." + +"I am speaking very seriously," said my cousin. "I would shoot him, +upon my honour." + +"Shoot him!" + +"Certainly." + +"What right have you to shoot a man for doing no worse than you do? I +would _rather_ somebody would knock me down, than do what you did +yesterday." And my heart swelled within me. + +"Come, Daisy, be a little sensible!" said Preston, who was in a fume +of impatience. "Do you think there is no difference between me and an +old nigger?" + +"A great deal of difference," I said. "He is old and good; and you are +young, and I wish you were as good as Darry. And then he can't help +himself without perhaps losing his place, no matter how you insult +him. I think it is cowardly." + +"Insult!" said Preston. "Lose his place! Heavens and earth, Daisy! are +you such a simpleton?" + +"You insulted him badly yesterday. I wondered how he bore it of you; +only Darry is a Christian." + +"A fiddlestick!" said Preston impatiently. "He knows he must bear +whatever I choose to give him; and therein he is wiser than you are." + +"Because he is a Christian," said I. + +"I don't know whether he is a Christian or not; and it is nothing to +the purpose. I don't care what he is." + +"Oh, Preston! he is a good man--he is a servant of God; he will wear a +crown of gold in heaven; and you have dared to touch him." + +"Why, hoity, toity!" said Preston, "what concern of mine is all that! +All I know is, that he did not do what I ordered him." + +"What did you order him?" + +"I ordered him not to show you the saddle I had got for you, till I +was here. I was going to surprise you. I am provoked at him!" + +"I am surprised," I said. But feeling how little I prevailed with +Preston, and being weak in body as well as mind, I could not keep back +the tears. I began to walk on again, though they blinded me. + +"Daisy, don't be foolish. If Darry is to wear two crowns in the other +world, he is a servant in this, all the same; and he must do his +duty." + +"I asked for the saddle," I said. + +"Why, Daisy, Daisy!" Preston exclaimed, "don't be such a child. You +know nothing about it. I didn't touch Darry to hurt him." + +"It was a sort of hurt that if he had not been a Christian he would +have made you sorry for." + +"He knows I would shoot him if he did," said Preston coolly. + +"Preston, don't speak so!" I pleaded. + +"It is the simple truth. Why shouldn't I speak it?" + +"You do not mean that you would do it?" I said, scarce opening my eyes +to the reality of what he said. + +"I give you my word, I do. If one of these black fellows laid a hand +on me I would put a bullet through him, as quick as a partridge." + +"But then you would be a murderer," said I. The ground seemed taken +away from under my feet. We were standing still now, and facing each +other. + +"No, I shouldn't," said Preston. "The law takes better care of us than +that." + +"The law would hang you," said I. + +"I tell you, Daisy, it is no such thing! Gentlemen have a right to +defend themselves against the insolence of these black fellows." + +"And have not the black fellows a right to defend themselves against +the insolence of gentlemen?" said I. + +"Daisy, you are talking the most unspeakable nonsense," said Preston, +quite put beyond himself now. "_Don't_ you know any better than that? +These people are our servants--they are our property--we are to do +what we like with them; and of course the law must see that we are +protected, or the blacks and the whites could not live together." + +"A man may be your servant, but he cannot be your property," I said. + +"Yes he can! They are our property, just as much as the land is; our +goods to do as we like with. Didn't you know that?" + +"Property is something that you can buy and sell," I answered. + +"And we sell the people, and buy them too, as fast as we like." + +"_Sell_ them!" I echoed, thinking of Darry. + +"Certainly." + +"And who would buy them?" + +"Why all the world; everybody. There has been nobody sold off the +Magnolia estate, I believe, in a long time; but nothing is more +common, Daisy; everybody is doing it everywhere, when he has got too +many servants, or when he has got too few." + +"And do you mean," said I, "that Darry and Margaret and Theresa and +all the rest here, have been _bought_?" + +"No; almost all of them have been born on the place." + +"Then it is not true of these," I said. + +"Yes, it is; for their mothers and fathers were bought. It is the same +thing." + +"Who bought them?" I asked, hastily. + +"Why our mothers, and grandfather and great-grandfather." + +"_Bought_ the fathers and mothers of all these hundreds of people?" +said I, a slow horror creeping into my veins, that yet held childish +blood, and but half comprehended. + +"Certainly--ages ago," said Preston. "Why, Daisy, I thought you knew +all about it." + +"But who sold them first?" said I, my mind in its utter rejection of +what was told to me, seeking every refuge from accepting it. "Who sold +them first?" + +"Who first? Oh, the people that brought them over from Africa, I +suppose; or the people in their own country that sold them to _them_." + +"They had no right to sell them," I said. + +"Can't tell about that," said Preston. "We bought them. I suppose we +had a right to do that." + +"But if the fathers and mothers were bought," I insisted, "that gave +us no right to have their children." + +"I would like you to ask Aunt Felicia or my Uncle Randolph such a +question," said Preston. "Just see how they would like the idea of +giving up all their property! Why, you would be as poor as Job, +Daisy." + +"That land would be here all the same." + +"Much good the land would do you, without people to work it." + +"But other people could be hired as well as these," I said, "if any of +these wanted to go away." + +"No, they couldn't. White people cannot bear the climate nor do the +work. The crops cannot be raised without coloured labour." + +"I do not understand," said I, feeling my child's head puzzled. "Maybe +none of our people would like to go away?" + +"I dare say they wouldn't," said Preston, carelessly. "They are better +off here than on most plantations. Uncle Randolph never forbids his +hands to have meat; and some planters do." + +"Forbid them to have meat!" I said, in utter bewilderment. + +"Yes." + +"Why?" + +"They think it makes them fractious, and not so easy to manage. Don't +you know, it makes a dog savage to feed him on raw meat! I suppose +cooked meat has the same effect on men." + +"But don't they get what they choose to eat?" + +"Well, I should think not!" said Preston. "Fancy their asking to be +fed on chickens and pound cake. That is what they would like." + +"But cannot they spend their wages for what they like?" + +"Wages!" said Preston. + +"Yes," said I. + +"My dear Daisy," said Preston, "you are talking of what you just +utterly don't understand; and I am a fool for bothering you with it. +Come! let us make it up and be friends." + +He stooped to kiss me, but I stepped back. + +"Stop," I said. "Tell me--can't they do what they like with their +wages?" + +"I don't think they have wages enough to 'do what they like' exactly," +said Preston. "Why, they would 'like' to do nothing. These black +fellows are the laziest things living. They would 'like' to lie in the +sun all day long." + +"What wages does Darry have?" I asked. + +"Now, Daisy, this is none of your business. Come, let us go into the +house and let it alone." + +"I want to know, first," said I. + +"Daisy, I never asked. What have I to do with Darry's wages?" + +"I will ask himself," I said; and I turned about to go to the stables. + +"Stop, Daisy," cried Preston. "Daisy, Daisy! you are the most +obstinate Daisy that ever was, when once you have taken a thing in +your head. Daisy, what have you to do with all this? Look here--these +people don't want wages." + +"Don't want wages?" I repeated. + +"No; they don't want them. What would they do with wages? they have +everything they need given them already; their food and their clothing +and their houses. They do not want anything more." + +"You said they did not have the food they liked," I objected. + +"Who does?" said Preston. "I am sure _I_ don't--not more than one day +in seven, on an average." + +"But don't they have any wages at all?" I persisted. "Our coachman at +Melbourne had thirty dollars a month; and Logan had forty dollars and +his house and garden. Why shouldn't Darry have wages, too? Don't they +have any wages at all, Preston?" + +"Why, yes! they have plenty of corn, bread, and bacon, I tell you; and +their clothes. Daisy, they _belong_ to you, these people do." + +Corn, bread, and bacon was not much like chickens and pound cake, I +thought; and I remembered our servants at Melbourne were very, very +differently dressed from the women I saw about me here, even in the +house. I stood bewildered and pondering. Preston tried to get me to go +on. + +"Why shouldn't they have wages?" I asked at length, with lips which I +believe were growing old with my thoughts. + +"Daisy, they are your servants; they _belong_ to you. They have no +right to wages. Suppose you had to pay all these creatures--seven +hundred of them--as you pay people at Melbourne: how much do you +suppose you would have left to live upon yourselves? What nonsense it +is to talk!" + +"But they work for us," I said. + +"Certainly. There would not be anything for any of us if they didn't. +Here, at Magnolia, they raise rice crops and corn, as well as cotton; +at our place we grow nothing but cotton and corn." + +"Well, what pays them for working?" + +"I told you! they have their living and clothing and no care; and they +are the happiest creatures the sun shines on." + +"Are they willing to work for only that!" I asked. + +"Willing!" said Preston. + +"Yes," said I, feeling myself grow sick at heart. + +"I fancy nobody asks them that question. They have to work, I reckon, +whether they like it or no." + +"You said they _like_ to lie in the sun. What makes them work?" + +"Makes them!" said Preston, who was getting irritated as well as +impatient. "They get a good flogging if they do not work--that is all. +They know, if they don't do their part, the lash will come down: and +it don't come down easy." + +I suppose I must have looked as if it had come down on me. Preston +stopped talking and began to take care of me, putting his arm round me +to support my steps homeward. In the verandah my aunt met us. She +immediately decided that I was ill, and ordered me to go to bed at +once. It was the thing of all others I would have wished to do. It +saved me from the exertion of trying to hold myself up and of speaking +and moving and answering questions. I went to bed in dull misery, +longing to go to sleep and forget all my troubles of mind and body +together; but while the body rested, the mind would not. That kept the +consciousness of its burden; and it was that, more than any physical +ail, which took away my power of eating, and created instead a +wretched sort of half nausea, which made even rest unrefreshing. As +for rest in my mind and heart, it seemed at that time as if I should +never know it again. Never again! I was a child--I had but vague ideas +respecting even what troubled me; nevertheless I had been struck, +where may few children be struck! in the very core and quick of my +heart's reverence and affection. It had come home to me that papa was +somehow doing wrong. My father was in my childish thought and belief, +the ideal of chivalrous and high-bred excellence;--and _papa_ was +doing wrong. I could not turn my eyes from the truth; it was before me +in too visible a form. It did not arrange itself in words, either; not +at first; it only pressed upon my heart and brain that seven hundred +people on my father's property were injured, and by his will, and for +his interests. Dimly the consciousness came to me; slowly it found its +way and spread out its details before me; bit by bit one point after +another came into my mind to make the whole good; bit by bit one item +after another came in to explain and be explained and to add its quota +of testimony; all making clear and distinct and dazzling before me the +truth which at first it was so hard to grasp. And this is not the less +true because my childish thought at first took everything vaguely and +received it slowly. I was a child and a simple child; but once getting +hold of a clue of truth, my mind never let it go. Step by step, as a +child could, I followed it out. And the balance of the golden rule, to +which I was accustomed, is an easy one to weigh things in; and even +little hands can manage it. + +For an hour after they put me to bed my heart seemed to grow chill +from minute to minute; and my body, in curious sympathy, shook as if I +had an ague. My aunt and Miss Pinshon came and went and were busy +about me; making me drink negus and putting hot bricks to my feet. +Preston stole in to look at me; but I gathered that neither then nor +afterwards did he reveal to any one the matter of our conversation the +hour before. "Wearied"--"homesick"--"feeble"--"with no sort of +strength to bear anything"--they said I was. All true, no doubt; and +yet I was not without powers of endurance, even bodily, if my mind +gave a little help. Now the trouble was, that all such help was +wanting. The dark figures of the servants came and went too, with the +others; came and stayed; Margaret and Mammy Theresa took post in my +room, and when they could do nothing for me, crouched by the fire and +spent their cares and energies in keeping that in full blast. I could +hardly bear to see them; but I had no heart to speak even to ask that +they might be sent away, or for anything else; and I had a sense +besides that it was a gratification to them to be near me; and to +gratify any one of the race I could have borne a good deal of pain. + +It smites my heart now, to think of those hours. The image of them is +sharp and fresh as if the time were but last night. I lay with shut +eyes, taking in as it seemed to be, additional loads of trouble with +each quarter of an hour; as I thought and thought, and put one and +another thing together, of things past and present, to help my +understanding. A child will carry on that process fast and to far-off +results; give her but the key and set her off on the track of truth +with a sufficient impetus. My happy childlike ignorance and childlike +life was in a measure gone; I had come into the world of vexed +questions, of the oppressor and the oppressed, the full and the empty, +the rich and the poor. I could make nothing at all of Preston's +arguments and reasonings. The logic of expediency and of consequences +carried no weight with me, and as little the logic of self-interest. I +sometimes think a child's vision is clearer, even in worldly matters, +than the eyes of those can be who have lived among the fumes and +vapours that rise in these low grounds, unless the eyes be washed day +by day in the spring of truth, and anointed with unearthly ointment. +The right and the wrong were the two things that presented themselves +to my view; and oh, my sorrow and heartbreak was, that papa was in the +wrong. I could not believe it, and yet I could not get rid of it. +There were oppressors and oppressed in the world; and _he_ was one of +the oppressors. There is no sorrow that a child can bear, keener and +more gnawingly bitter than this. It has a sting of its own, for which +there is neither salve nor remedy; and it had the aggravation, in my +case, of the sense of personal dishonour. The wrong done and the +oppression inflicted were not the whole; there was besides the +intolerable sense of living upon other's gains. It was more than my +heart could bear. + +I could not write as I do--I could not recall these thoughts and that +time--if I had not another thought to bring to bear upon them; a +thought which at that time I was not able to comprehend. It came to me +later with its healing, and I have seen and felt it more clearly as I +grew older. I see it very clearly now. I had not been mistaken in my +childish notions of the loftiness and generosity of my father's +character. He was what I had thought him. Neither was I a whit wrong +in my judgment of the things which it grieved me that he did and +allowed. But I saw afterwards how he, and others, had grown up and +been educated in a system and atmosphere of falsehood, till he failed +to perceive that it was false. His eyes had lived in the darkness till +it seemed quite comfortably light to him; while to a fresh vision, +accustomed to the sun, it was pure and blank darkness, as thick as +night. He followed what others did and his father had done before him, +without any suspicion that it was an abnormal and morbid condition of +things they were all living in; more especially without a tinge of +misgiving that it might not be a noble, upright, dignified way of +life. But I, his little unreasoning child, bringing the golden rule of +the gospel only to judge of the doings of hell, shrank back and fell +to the ground, in my heart, to find the one I loved best in the world +concerned in them. + +So when I opened my eyes that night, and looked into the blaze of the +firelight, the dark figures that were there before it stung me with +pain every time; and every soft word and tender look on their +faces--and I had many a one, both words and looks--racked my heart in +a way that was strange for a child. The negus put me to sleep at last, +or exhaustion did; I think the latter, for it was very late; and the +rest of that night wore away. + +When I awoke, the two women were there still, just as I had left them +when I went to sleep. I do not know if they sat there all night, or if +they had slept on the floor by my side; but there they were, and +talking softly to one another about something that caught my +attention. I bounced out of bed--though I was so weak, I remember I +reeled as I went from my bed to the fire, and steadied myself by +laying my hand on Mammy Theresa's shoulder. I demanded of Margaret +_what_ she had been saying. The women both started, with expressions +of surprise, alarm, and tender affection, raised by my ghostly looks, +and begged me to get back into bed again. I stood fast, bearing on +Theresa's shoulder. + +"What was it?" I asked. + +"'Twarn't nothin', Miss Daisy, dear!" said the girl. + +"Hush! don't tell me that," I said. "Tell me what it was--tell me what +it was. Nobody shall know; you need not be afraid; nobody shall know." +For I saw a cloud of hesitation in Margaret's face. + +"'Twarn't nothin', Miss Daisy--only about Darry." + +"What about Darry?" I said, trembling. + +"He done went and had a praise-meetin'," said Theresa; "and he knowed +it war agin the rules; he knowed that. 'Course he did. Rules mus' be +kep'." + +"Whose rules?" I asked. + +"Laws, honey, 'taint 'cording to rules for we coloured folks to hold +meetin's no how. 'Course, we's ought to 'bey de rules; dat's clar." + +"Who made the rules?" + +"Who make 'em? Mass' Ed'ards--he made de rules on dis plantation. +Reckon Mass' Randolph, he make 'em a heap different." + +"Does Mr. Edwards make it a rule that you are not to hold +prayer-meetings?" + +"Can't spec' for to have everyt'ing jus like de white folks," said the +old woman. "We's no right to spect it. But Uncle Darry, he sot a sight +by his praise-meetin'. He's cur'ous, he is. S'pose Darry's cur'ous." + +"And does anybody say that you shall not have prayer-meetings?" + +"Laws, honey! what's we got to do wid praise-meetin's or any sort of +meetin's? We'se got to work. Mass' Ed'ards, he say dat de meetin's dey +makes coloured folks onsettled; and dey don't hoe de corn good if dey +has too much prayin' to do." + +"And does he forbid them then? doesn't he let you have +prayer-meetings?" + +"'Tain't Mr. Edwards alone, Miss Daisy," said Margaret, speaking low. +"It's agin the law for us to have meetin's anyhow, 'cept we get leave, +and say what house it shall be, and who's a comin', and what we'se +comin' for. And it's no use asking Mr. Edwards, 'cause he don't see no +reason why black folks should have meetin's." + +"Did Darry have a prayer-meeting without leave?" I asked. + +"'Twarn't no count of a meetin'!" said Theresa, a little touch of +scorn, or indignation, coming into her voice; "and Darry, he war in +his own house prayin'. Dere warn't nobody dere, but Pete and ole +'Liza, and Maria, cook, and dem two Johns dat come from de lower +plantation. Dey couldn't get a strong meetin' into Uncle Darry's +house; 'tain't big enough to hold 'em." + +"And what did the overseer do to Darry?" I asked. + +"Laws, Miss Daisy," said Margaret, with a quick look at the other +woman; "he didn't do nothing to hurt Darry; he only want to scare de +folks." + +"Dey's done scared," said Theresa, under her breath. + +"What is it?" I said, steadying myself by my hold on Theresa's +shoulder, and feeling that I must stand till I had finished my +inquiry: "how did he know about the meeting? and what did he do to +Darry? Tell me! I must know. I must know, Margaret." + +"Spect he was goin' through the quarters, and he heard Darry at his +prayin'," said Margaret. "Darry he don't mind to keep his prayers +secret, he don't," she added, with a half laugh. "Spect nothin' but +they'll bust the walls o' that little house some day." + +"Dey's powerful!" added Theresa. "But he warn't prayin' no harm; he +was just prayin', 'Dy will be done on de eart' as it be in de +heaven'--Pete, he tell me. Darry warn't saying not'ing--he just pray +'Dy will be done.'" + +"Well?" I said, for Margaret kept silent. + +"And de oberseer, he say--leastways he swore, he did--dat _his_ will +should be done on dis plantation, and he wouldn't have no such work. +He say, der's nobody to come togedder after it be dark, if it's two or +t'ree, 'cept dey gets his leave, Mass' Ed'ards, he say; and dey won't +get it." + +"But what did he do to Darry?" I could scarcely hold myself on my feet +by this time. + +"He whipped him, I reckon," said Margaret, in a low tone, and with a +dark shadow crossing her face, very different from its own brown +duskiness. + +"He don't have a light hand, Mass' Ed'ards," went on Theresa, "and he +got a sharp, new whip. De second stripe--Pete, he tell me this +evenin'--and it war wet; and it war wet enough before he got through. +He war mad, I reckon; certain, Mass' Ed'ards, he war mad." + +"_Wet?_" said I. + +"Laws, Miss Daisy," said Margaret, "'tain't nothin'. Them whips, they +draws the blood easy. Darry, he don't mind." + +I have a recollection of the girl's terrified face, but I heard nothing +more. Such a deadly sickness came over me that for a minute I must have +been near fainting; happily it took another turn amid the various +confused feelings which oppressed me, and I burst into tears. My eyes had +not been wet through all the hours of the evening and night; my heartache +had been dry. I think I was never very easy to move to tears, even as a +child. But now, well for me, perhaps, some element of the pain I was +suffering found the unguarded point--or broke up the guard. I wept as I +have done very few times in my life. I had thrown myself into Mammy +Theresa's lap, in the weakness which could not support itself, and in an +abandonment of grief which was careless of all the outside world; and +there I lay, clasped in her arms and sobbing. Grief, horror, tender +sympathy, and utter helplessness, striving together; there was nothing +for me at that moment but the woman's refuge and the child's remedy of +weeping. But the weeping was so bitter, so violent, and so uncontrollable, +that the women were frightened. I believe they shut the doors, to keep +the sound of my sobs from reaching other ears; for when I recovered the +use of my senses I saw that they were closed. + +The certain strange relief which tears do bring, they gave to me. I +cannot tell why. My pain was not changed, my helplessness was not done +away; yet at least I had washed my causes of sorrow in a flood of +heart drops, and cleansed them so somehow from any personal stain. +Rather I was perfectly exhausted. The women put me to bed, as soon as +I would let them; and Margaret whispered an earnest "Do, don't, Miss +Daisy, don't say nothin' about the prayer meetin'!" I shook my head; I +knew better than to say anything about it. + +All the better not to betray them, and myself, I shut my eyes, and +tried to let my face grow quiet. I had succeeded, I believe, before my +Aunt Gary and Miss Pinshon came in. The two stood looking at me; my +aunt in some consternation, my governess reserving any expression of +what she thought. I fancied she did not trust my honesty. Another time +I might have made an effort to right myself in her opinion; but I was +past that and everything now. It was decided by my aunt that I had +better keep my bed as long as I felt like doing so. + +So I lay there during the long hours of that day. I was glad to be +still, to keep out of the way in a corner, to hear little and see +nothing of what was going on; my own small world of thoughts was +enough to keep me busy. I grew utterly weary at last of thinking, and +gave it up, so far as I could; submitting passively, in a state of +pain, sometimes dull and sometimes acute, to what I had no power to +change or remedy. But my father _had_, I thought; and at those times +my longing was unspeakable to see him. I was very quiet all that day, +I believe, in spite of the rage of wishes and sorrows within me; but +it was not to be expected I should gain strength. On the contrary, I +think I grew feverish. If I could have laid down my troubles in +prayer! but at first, these troubles, I could not. The core and root +of them being my father's share in the rest. And I was not alone; and +I had a certain consciousness that if I allowed myself to go to my +little Bible for help, it would unbar my self-restraint, with its +sweet and keen words, and I should give way again before Margaret and +Theresa: and I did not wish that. + +"What shall we do with her?" said my Aunt Gary when she came to me +towards the evening. "She looks like a mere shadow. I never saw such a +change in a child in four weeks--never!" + +"Try a different regimen to-morrow, I think," said my governess, whose +lustrous black eyes looked at me sick, exactly as they looked at me +well. + +"I shall send for the doctor, if she isn't better," said my aunt. +"She's feverish now." + +"Keeping her bed all day," said Miss Pinshon. + +"Do you think so?" said my aunt. + +"I have no doubt of it. It is very weakening." + +"Then we will let her get up to-morrow, and see how that will do." + +They had been gone half an hour, when Preston stole in and came to the +side of my bed, between me and the firelight. + +"Come, Daisy, let us be friends!" he said. And he was stooping to kiss +me; but I put out my hand to keep him back. + +"Not till you have told Darry you are sorry," I said. + +Preston was angry instantly, and stood upright. + +"Ask pardon of a servant!" he said. "You would have the world upside +down directly." + +I thought it was upside down already; but I was too weak and +downhearted to say so. + +"Daisy, Daisy!" said Preston--"And there you lie, looking like a poor +little wood flower that has hardly strength to hold up its head; and +with about as much colour in your cheeks. Come, Daisy, kiss me, and +let us be friends." + +"If you will do what is right," I said. + +"I will--always," said Preston; "but this would be wrong, you know." +And he stooped again to kiss me. And again I would not suffer him. + +"Daisy, you are absurd," said Preston, vibrating between pity and +anger, I think, as he looked at me. "Darry is a servant, and +accustomed to a servant's place. What hurt you so much did not hurt +him a bit. He knows where he belongs." + +"You don't," said I. + +"What?" + +"Know anything about it." I remember I spoke very feebly. I had hardly +energy left to speak at all. My words must have come with a curious +contrast between the meaning and the manner. + +"Know anything about what, Daisy? You are as oracular and as immovable +as one of Egypt's monuments; only they are very hard, and you are very +soft, my dear little Daisy!--and they are very brown, according to all +I have heard, and you are as white as a wind-flower. One can almost +see through you. What is it I don't know anything about?" + +"I am so tired, Preston!" + +"Yes; but what is it I don't know anything about?" + +"Darry's place--and yours," I said. + +"His place and mine! His place is a servant's, I take it, belonging to +Rudolf Randolph, of Magnolia. I am the unworthy representative of an +old Southern family, and a gentleman. What have you to say about +that?" + +"He is a servant of the Lord of lords," I said; "and his Master loves +him. And He has a house of glory preparing for him, and a crown of +gold, and a white robe, such as the King's children wear. And he will +sit on a throne himself by and by. Preston, where will _you_ be?" + +These words were said without the least heat of manner--almost +languidly; but they put Preston in a fume. I could not catch his +excitement in the least; but I saw it. He stood up again, hesitated, +opened his mouth to speak and shut it without speaking, turned and +walked away and came back to me. I did not wait for him then. + +"You have offended one of the King's children," I said; "and the King +is offended." + +"Daisy," said Preston, in a sort of suppressed fury, "one would think +you had turned Abolitionist; only you never heard of such a thing." + +"What is it?" said I, shutting my eyes. + +"It is just the meanest and most impudent shape a Northerner can take; +it is the lowest end of creation, an Abolitionist is; and a Yankee is +pretty much the same thing!" + +"Dr. Sandford is a Yankee," I remarked. + +"Did you get it from _him_?" Preston asked, fiercely. + +"What?" said I, opening my eyes. + +"Your nonsense. Has he taught you to turn Abolitionist?" + +"I have not _turned_ at all," I said. "I wish you would. It is only +the people who are in the wrong that ought to turn." + +"Daisy," said Preston, "you ought never to be away from Aunt Felicia +and my uncle. Nobody else can manage you. I don't know what you will +become or what you will do, before they get back." + +I was silent; and Preston, I suppose, cooled down. He waited awhile, +and then again begged that I would kiss and be friends. "You see, I am +going away to-morrow morning, little Daisy." + +"I wish you had gone two days ago," I said. + +And my mind did not change, even when the morning came. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +IN THE KITCHEN. + + +I was ill for days. It was not due to one thing, doubtless, nor one +sorrow, but the whole together. My aunt sent to Baytown for the old +family physician. He came up and looked at me, and decided that I +ought to "play" as much as possible! + +"She isn't a child that likes play," said my aunt. + +"Find some play that she does like, then. Where are her father and +mother?" + +"Just sailed for Europe, a few weeks ago." + +"The best thing would be for her to sail after them," said the old +doctor. And he went. + +"We shall have to let her do just as they did at Melbourne," said my +aunt. + +"How was that?" said Miss Pinshon. + +"Let her have just her own way." + +"And what was that?" + +"Oh, queer," said my aunt. "She is not like other children. But +anything is better than to have her mope to death." + +"I shall try and not have her mope," said Miss Pinshon. + +But she had little chance to adopt her reforming regimen for some +time. It was plain I was not fit for anything but to be let alone, +like a weak plant struggling for its existence. All you can do with it +is to put it in the sun; and my aunt and governess tacitly agreed upon +the same plan of treatment for me. Now, the only thing wanting was +sunshine; and it was long before that could be had. After a day or two +I left my bed, and crept about the house, and out of the house under +the great oaks, where the material sunshine was warm and bright +enough, and caught itself in the grey wreaths of moss that waved over +my head, and seemed to come bodily to woo me to life and cheer. It lay +in the carpet under my feet, it lingered in the leaves of the thick +oaks, it wantoned in the wind, as the long draperies of moss swung and +moved gently to and fro; but the very sunshine is cold where the ice +meets it; I could get no comfort. The thoughts that had so troubled me +the evening after my long talk with Preston were always present with +me; they went out and came in with me; I slept with them, and they met +me when I woke. The sight of the servants was wearying. I shunned +Darry and the stables. I had no heart for my pony. I would have liked +to get away from Magnolia. Yet, be I where I might, it would not alter +my father's position towards these seven hundred people. And towards +how many more? There were his estates in Virginia. + +One of the first things I did, as soon as I could command my fingers +to do it, was to write to him. Not a remonstrance. I knew better than +to touch that. All I ventured, was to implore that the people who +desired it might be allowed to hold prayer-meetings whenever they +liked, and Mr. Edwards be forbidden to interfere. Also I complained +that the inside of the cabins were not comfortable; that they were +bare and empty. I pleaded for a little bettering of them. It was not a +long letter that I wrote. My sorrow I could not tell, and my love and +my longing were equally beyond the region of words. I fancy it would +have been thought by Miss Pinshon a very cold little epistle, but Miss +Pinshon did not see it. I wrote it with weak trembling fingers, and +closed it and sealed it and sent it myself. Then I sank into a +helpless, careless, listless state of body and mind, which was very +bad for me; and there was no physician who could minister to me. I +went wandering about, mostly out of doors, alone with myself and my +sorrow. When I seemed a little stronger than usual, Miss Pinshon tried +the multiplication table; and I tried, but the spring of my mind was +for the time broken. All such trials came to an end in such weakness +and weariness, that my governess herself was fain to take the book +from my hands and send me out into the sunshine again. + +It was Darry at last who found me one day, and, distressed at my +looks, begged that I would let him bring up my pony. He was so earnest +that I yielded. I got leave, and went to ride. Darry saddled another +horse for himself and went with me. That first ride did not help me +much; but the second time a little tide of life began to steal into my +veins. Darry encouraged and instructed me; and when we came cantering +up to the door of the house, my aunt, who was watching there, cried +out that I had a bit of a tinge in my cheeks, and charged Darry to +bring the horses up every day. + +With a little bodily vigour a little strength of mind seemed to come; +a little more power of bearing up against evils, or of quietly +standing under them. After the third time I went to ride, having come +home refreshed, I took my Bible and sat down on the rug before the +fire in my room to read. I had not been able to get comfort in my +Bible all those days; often I had not liked to try. Right and wrong +never met me in more brilliant colours or startling shadows than +within the covers of that book. But to-day, soothed somehow, I went +along with the familiar words as one listens to old music, with the +soothing process going on all along. Right _was_ right, and glorious, +and would prevail some time; and nothing could hinder it. And then I +came to words which I knew, yet which had never taken such hold of me +before. + +"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works +and glorify your Father which is in heaven." + +"_That_ is what I have to do!" I thought immediately. "That is my +part. That is clear. What _I_ have to do, is to let my light shine. +And if the light shines, perhaps it will fall on something. But what +_I_ have to do, is to shine. God has given me nothing else." + +It was a very simple child's thought; but it brought wonderful comfort +with it. Doubtless, I would have liked another part to play. I would +have liked--if I could--to have righted all the wrong in the world; to +have broken every yoke; to have filled every empty house, and built up +a fire on every cold hearth: but that was not what God had given me. +All He had given me, that I could see at the minute, was to shine. +What a little morsel of a light mine was, to be sure! + +It was a good deal of a puzzle to me for days after that, _how_ I was +to shine. What could I do? I was a little child: my only duties some +lessons to learn: not much of that, seeing I had not strength for it. +Certainly, I had sorrows to bear; but bearing them well did not seem +to me to come within the sphere of _shining_. Who would know that I +bore them well? And shining is meant to be seen. I pondered the +matter. + +"When's Christmas, Miss Daisy?" + +Margaret asked this question one morning as she was on her knees +making my fire. Christmas had been so shadowed a point to me in the +distance, I had not looked at it. I stopped to calculate the days. + +"It will be two weeks from Friday, Margaret." + +"And Friday's to-morrow?" she asked. + +"The day after to-morrow. What do you do at Christmas, Margaret? all +the people?" + +"There ain't no great doings, Miss Daisy. The people gets four days, +most of 'em." + +"Four days--for what?" + +"For what they like; they don't do no work, those days." + +"And is that all?" + +"No, Miss Daisy, 'tain't just all; the women comes up to the +house--it's to the overseer's house now--and every one gets a bowl o' +flour, more or less, 'cordin' to size of family--and a quart of +molasses, and a piece o' pork." + +"And what do they do to make the time pleasant?" I asked. + +"Some on 'em's raised eggs and chickens; and they brings 'em to the +house and sells 'em; and they has the best dinner. Most times they +gets leave to have a meetin'." + +"A prayer-meeting?" I said. + +"Laws, no, Miss Daisy! not 'cept it were Uncle Darry and _his_ set. +The others don't make no count of a prayer-meetin'. They likes to have +a white-folks' meetin' and 'joy theirselves." + +I thought very much over these statements; and for the next two weeks +bowls of flour and quarts of molasses, as Christmas doings, were mixed +up in my mind with the question, how I was to shine? or rather, +alternated with it; and plans began to turn themselves over and take +shape in my thoughts. + +"Margaret," said I, a day or two before Christmas, "can't the people +have those meetings you spoke of without getting leave of Mr. +Edwards?" + +"Can't have meetin's, no how!" Margaret replied decidedly. + +"But if _I_ wanted to see them, couldn't they, some of them, come +together to see me?" + +"To see Miss Daisy! Reckon Miss Daisy do what she like. 'Spect Mass' +Ed'ards let Miss Daisy 'lone!" + +I was silent, pondering. + +"Maria cook wants to see Miss Daisy bad. She bid me tell Miss Daisy +won't she come down in de kitchen, and see all the works she's a-doin' +for Christmas, and de glorifications?" + +"I? I'll come if I can," I answered. + +I asked my aunt and got easy leave; and on Christmas eve I went down +to the kitchen. That was the chosen time when Maria wished to see me. +There was an assembly of servants gathered in the room, some from out +of the house. Darry was there; and one or two other fine-looking men +who were his prayer-meeting friends. I supposed they were gathered to +make merry for Christmas eve; but, at any rate, they were all eager to +see me, and looked at me with smiles as gentle as have ever fallen to +my share. I felt it and enjoyed it. The effect was of entering a warm, +genial atmosphere, where grace and good-will were on every side; a +change very noticeable from the cold and careless habit of things +upstairs. And _grace_ is not a misapplied epithet; for these children +of a luxurious and beauty-loving race, even in their bondage, had not +forgotten all traces of their origin. As I went in, I could not help +giving my hand to Darry; and then, in my childish feeling towards +them, and in the tenderness of the Christmas-tide, I could not help +doing the same by all the others who were present. And I remember now +the dignity of mien in some, the frank ease in others, both graceful +and gracious, with which my civility was met. If a few were a little +shy, the rest more than made it up by their welcome of me, and a sort +of politeness which had almost something courtly in it. Darry and +Maria together gave me a seat, in the very centre and glow of the +kitchen light and warmth; and the rest made a half circle around, +leaving Maria's end of the room free for her operations. + +The kitchen was all aglow with the most splendid fire of pine knots it +was ever my lot to see. The illumination was such as threw all +gaslights into shade. We were in a great stone-flagged room, +low-roofed, with dark cupboard door; not cheerful, I fancy, in the +mere light of day: but nothing could resist the influence of those +pine-knot flames. Maria herself was a portly fat woman, as far as +possible from handsome; but she looked at me with a whole world of +kindness in her dark face. Indeed, I saw the same kindness more or +less shining out upon me in all the faces there. I cannot tell the +mixed joy and pain that it, and they, gave me. I suppose I showed +little of either, or of anything. + +Maria entertained me with all she had. She brought out for my view her +various rich and immense stores of cakes and pies and delicacies for +the coming festival; told me what was good and what I must be sure and +eat; and what would be good for me. And then, when that display was +over, she began to be very busy with beating of eggs in a huge wooden +bowl; and bade Darry see to the boiling of the kettle at the fire; +and sent Jem, the waiter, for things he was to get upstairs; and all +the while talked to me. She and Darry and one or two more talked, but +especially she and Theresa and Jem; while all the rest listened and +laughed and exclaimed, and seemed to find me as entertaining as a +play. Maria was asking me about my own little life and experiences +before I came to Magnolia; what sort of a place Melbourne was, and how +things there differed from the things she and the rest knew and were +accustomed to at the South; and about my old June, who had once been +an acquaintance of hers. Smiling at me the while, between the thrusts +of her curiosity, and over my answers, as if for sheer pleasure she +could not keep grave. The other faces were as interested and as +gracious. There was Pete, tall and very black, and very grave, as +Darry was also. There was Jem, full of life and waggishness, and +bright for any exercise of his wits; and grave shadows used to come +over his changeable face often enough too. There was Margaret, with +her sombre beauty; and old Theresa with her worn old face. I think +there was a certain indescribable reserve of gravity upon them all, +but there was not one whose lips did not part in a white line when +looking at me, nor whose eyes and ears did not watch me with an +interest as benign as it was intent. I had been little while seated +before the kitchen fire of pine knots before I felt that I was in the +midst of a circle of personal friends; and I feel it now, as I look +back and remember them. They would have done much for me, every one. + +Meanwhile Maria beat and mixed and stirred the things in her wooden bowl; +and by and by ladled out a glassful of rich-looking, yellow, creamy +froth--I did not know what it was, only it looked beautiful--and +presented it to me. + +"Miss Daisy mus' tell Mis' Felissy Maria hain't forgot how to make +it--'spect she hain't, anyhow. Dat's for Miss Daisy's Christmas." + +"It's very nice!" I said. + +"Reckon it is," was the capable answer. + +"Won't you give everybody some, Maria?" For Jem had gone upstairs with +a tray and glasses, and Maria seemed to be resting upon her labours. + +"Dere'll come down orders for mo', chile; and 'spose I gives it to de +company, what'll Mis' Lisa do wid Maria? I have de 'sponsibility of +Christmas." + +"But you can make some more," I said, holding my glass in waiting. +"Do, Maria." + +"'Spose hain't got de 'terials, hey?" + +"What do you want? Aunt Gary will give it to you." And I begged Jem to +go up again and prefer my request to her for the new filling of +Maria's bowl. Jem shrugged his shoulders, but he went; and I suppose +he made a good story of it; for he came down with whatever was +wanted--my Aunt Gary was in a mood to refuse me nothing then--and +Maria went anew about the business of beating and mixing and +compounding. + +There was great enjoyment in the kitchen. It was a time of high +festival, what with me and the egg supper. Merriment and jocularity, a +little tide-wave of social excitement, swelled and broke on all sides +of me; making a soft ripply play of fun and repartee, difficult to +describe, and which touched me as much as it amused. It was very +unlike the enjoyment of a set of white people holding the same social +and intellectual grade. It was the manifestation of another race, less +coarse and animal in their original nature, more sensitive and more +demonstrative, with a strange touch of the luxurious and refined for +a people whose life has had nothing to do with luxury, and whom +refinement leaves on one side as quite beyond its sphere. But blood is +a strange thing; and Ham's children will show luxurious and æsthetic +tastes, take them where you will. + +"Chillen, I hope you's enjoyed your supper," Maria said, when the last +lingering drops had been secured, and mugs and glasses were coming +back to the kitchen table. + +Words and smiles answered her. "We's had a splendid time, Aunt Maria," +said one young man as he set down his glass. He was a worker in the +garden. + +"Den I hope's we's all willin' to gib de Lord t'anks for His goodness. +Dere ain't a night in de year when it's so proper to gib de Lord +t'anks, as it be dis precious night." + +"It's to-morrow night, Aunt Maria," said Pete. "To-morrow's Christmas +night." + +"I don't care! One night's jus' as good as another, you Pete. And now +we's all together, you see, and comfortable together; and I feel like +giving t'anks, I do, to de Lord, for all His mercies." + +"What's Christmas, anyhow?" asked another. + +"It's jus' de crown o' all the nights in de year. You Solomon, it's a +night dat dey keeps up in heaven. You know nothin' about it, you poor +critter. I done believe you never hearn no one tell about it. Maybe +Miss Daisy wouldn't read us de story, and de angels, and de shepherds, +and dat great light what come down, and make us feel good for +Christmas; and Uncle Darry, he'll t'ank de Lord." + +The last words were put in a half-questioning form to me, rather +taking for granted that I would readily do what was requested. And +hardly anything in the world, I suppose, could have given me such +deep gratification at the moment. Margaret was sent upstairs to fetch +my Bible; the circle closed in around the fire and me; a circle of +listening, waiting, eager, interested faces, some few of them shone +with pleasure, or grew grave with reverent love, while I read slowly +the chapters that tell of the first Christmas night. I read them from +all the gospels, picking the story out first in one, then in another; +answered sometimes by low words of praise that echoed but did not +interrupt me--words that were but some dropped notes of the song that +began that night in heaven, and has been running along the ages since, +and is swelling and will swell into a great chorus of earth and heaven +by and by. And how glad I was in the words of the story myself, as I +went along. How heart-glad that here, in this region of riches and +hopes not earthly, those around me had as good welcome, and as open +entrance, and as free right as I. "There is neither bond nor free." +"And base things of this world, and things which are despised, hath +God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things +that are." + +I finished my reading at last, amid the hush of my listening audience. +Then Maria called upon Darry to pray, and we all kneeled down. + +It comes back to me now as I write--the hush and the breathing of the +fire, and Darry's low voice and imperfect English. Yes, and the +incoming tide of rest and peace and gladness which began to fill the +dry places in my heart, and rose and swelled till my heart was full. I +lost my troubles and forgot my difficulties. I forgot that my father +and mother were away, for the sense of loneliness was gone. I forgot +that those around me were in bonds, for I felt them free as I, and +inheritors of the same kingdom. I have not often in my life listened +to such a prayer, unless from the same lips. He was one of those that +make you feel that the door is open to their knocking, and that they +always find it so. His words were seconded--not interrupted, even to +my feelings--by low-breathed echoes of praise and petition, too soft +and deep to leave any doubt of the movement that called them forth. + +There was a quiet gravity upon all when we rose to our feet again. I +knew I must go; but the kitchen had been the pleasantest place to me +in all Magnolia. I bade them good-night, answered with bows and +curtseys and hearty wishes; and as I passed out of the circle, tall +black Pete, looking down upon me with just a glimmer of white between +his lips, added, "Hope you'll come again." + +A thought darted into my head which brought sunshine with it. I seemed +to see my way begin to open. + +The hope was warm in my heart as soon as I was awake the next morning. +With more comfort than for many days I had known, I lay and watched +Margaret making my fire. Then suddenly I remembered it was Christmas, +and what thanksgivings had been in heaven about it, and what should be +on earth; and a lingering of the notes of praise I had heard last +night made a sort of still music in the air. But I did not expect at +all that any of the ordinary Christmas festivities would come home to +me, seeing that my father and mother were away. Where should Christmas +festivities come from? So, when Margaret rose up and showed all her +teeth at me, I only thought last night had given her pleasure, and I +suspected nothing, even when she stepped into the next room and +brought in a little table covered with a shawl, and set it close to my +bedside. "Am I to have breakfast in bed?" I asked. "What is this +for?" + +"Dunno, Miss Daisy," said Margaret, with all her white teeth +sparkling;--"'spose Miss Daisy take just a look, and see what 'pears +like." + +I felt the colour come into my face. I raised myself on my elbow and +lifted up cautiously one corner of the shawl. Packages--white paper +and brown paper--long and short, large and small! "O Margaret, take +off the shawl, will you!" I cried; "and let me see what is here." + +There was a good deal. But "From Papa" caught my eye on a little +parcel. I seized it and unfolded. From papa, and he so far away! But I +guessed the riddle before I could get to the last of the folds of +paper that wrapped and enwrapped a little morocco case. Papa and +mamma, leaving me alone, had made provision beforehand, that when this +time came I might miss nothing except themselves. They had thought and +cared and arranged for me; and now they were thinking about it, +perhaps, far away somewhere over the sea. I held the morocco case in +my hand a minute or two before I could open it. Then I found a little +watch; my dear little watch! which has gone with me ever since, and +never failed nor played tricks with me. My mother had put in one of +her own chains for me to wear with it. + +I lay a long time looking and thinking, raised up on my elbow as I was, +before I could leave the watch and go on to anything else. Margaret +spread round my shoulders the shawl which had covered the Christmas +table; and then she stood waiting, with a good deal more impatience and +curiosity than I showed. But such a world of pleasure and pain gathered +round that first "bit of Christmas"--so many, many thoughts of one and +the other kind--that I for awhile had enough with that. At last I closed +the case, and keeping it yet in one hand, used the other to make more +discoveries. The package labelled "From Mamma," took my attention next; +but I could make nothing of it. An elegant little box, that was all, +which I could not open; only it felt so very heavy that I was persuaded +there must be something extraordinary inside. I could make nothing of it: +it was a beautiful box; that was all. Preston had brought me a little +riding whip, both costly and elegant. I could not but be much pleased +with it. A large, rather soft package, marked with Aunt Gary's name, +unfolded a riding cap to match; at least, it was exceeding rich and +stylish, with a black feather that waved away in curves that called forth +Margaret's delighted admiration. Nevertheless, I wondered, while I +admired, at my Aunt Gary's choice of a present. I had a straw hat which +served all purposes, even of elegance, for my notions. I was amazed to +find that Miss Pinshon had not forgotten me. There was a decorated pen, +wreathed with a cord of crimson and gold twist, and supplemented with two +dangling tassels. It was excessively pretty, as I thought of Aunt Gary's +cap; and _not_ equally convenient. I looked at all these things while +Margaret was dressing me; but the case with the watch, for the most part, +I remember I kept in my hand. + +"Ain't you goin' to try it on and see some how pretty it looks, Miss +Daisy?" said my unsatisfied attendant. + +"The cap?" said I. "Oh, I dare say it fits. Aunt Gary knows how big my +head is." + +"Mass' Preston come last night," she went on; "so I reckon Miss +Daisy'll want to wear it by and by." + +"Preston come last night!" I said. "After I was in bed?"--and feeling +that it was indeed Christmas, I finished getting ready and went +downstairs. I made up my mind I might as well be friends with +Preston, and not push any further my displeasure at his behaviour. So +we had a comfortable breakfast. My aunt was pleased to see me, she +said, look so much better. Miss Pinshon was not given to expressing +what she felt; but she looked at me two or three times without saying +anything, which I suppose meant satisfaction. Preston was in high +feather, making all sorts of plans for my divertisement during the +next few days. I, for my part, had my own secret cherished plan, which +made my heart beat quicker whenever I thought of it. But I wanted +somebody's counsel and help; and on the whole I thought my Aunt Gary's +would be the safest. So after breakfast I consulted Preston only about +my mysterious little box, which would not open. Was it a paper weight? + +Preston smiled, took up the box and performed some conjuration upon +it, and then--I cannot describe my entranced delight--as he set it +down again on the table, the room seemed to grow musical. Softest, +most liquid sweet notes came pouring forth one after the other, +binding my ears as if I had been in a state of enchantment; binding +feet and hands and almost my breath, as I stood hushed and listening +to the liquid warbling of delicious things, until the melody had run +itself out. It was a melody unknown to me; wild and dainty; it came +out of a famous opera, I was told afterward. When the fairy notes sunk +into silence, I turned mutely towards Preston. Preston laughed. + +"I declare!" he said,--"I declare! Hurra! you have got colour in your +cheeks, Daisy; absolutely, my little Daisy! there is a real streak of +pink there where it was so white before." + +"_What_ is it?" said I. + +"Just a little good blood coming up under the skin." + +"Oh no, Preston--_this_; what is it?" + +"A musical box." + +"But where does the music come from?" + +"Out of the box. See, Daisy; when it has done a tune and is run out, +you must wind it up, so,--like a watch." + +He wound it up and set it on the table again. And again a melody came +forth, and this time it was different; not plaintive and thoughtful, +but jocund and glad; a little shout and ring of merriment, like the +feet of dancers scattering the drops of dew in a bright morning; or +like the chime of a thousand little silver bells rung for laughter. A +sort of intoxication came into my heart. When Preston would have wound +up the box again, I stopped him. I was full of the delight. I could +not hear any more just then. + +"Why, Daisy, there are ever so many more tunes." + +"Yes. I am glad. I will have them another time," I answered. "How very +kind of mamma!" + +"Hit the right thing this time, didn't she? How's the riding cap, +Daisy?" + +"It is very nice," I said. "Aunt Gary is very good; and I like the +whip _very_ much, Preston." + +"That fat little rascal will want it. Does the cap fit, Daisy?" + +"I don't know," I said. "Oh yes, I suppose so." + +Preston made an exclamation, and forthwith would have it tried on to +see how it looked. It satisfied him; somehow it did not please me as +well; but the ride did, which we had soon after; and I found that my +black feather certainly suited everybody else. Darry smiled at me, and +the house servants were exultant over my appearance. + +Amid all these distracting pleasures, I kept on the watch for an +opportunity to speak to Aunt Gary alone. Christmas day I could not. I +could not get it till near the next day. + +"Aunt Gary," I said, "I want to consult you about something." + +"You have always something turning about in your head," was her +answer. + +"Do you think," said I slowly, "Mr. Edwards would have any objection +to some of the people coming to the kitchen Sunday evenings to hear me +read the Bible?" + +"To hear _you_ read the Bible!" said my aunt. + +"Yes, Aunt Gary; I think they would like it. You know they cannot read +it for themselves." + +"_They_ would like it. And you would be delighted, wouldn't you?" + +"Yes, Aunt Gary. I should like it better than anything." + +"You are a funny child! There is not a bit of your mother in +you--except your obstinacy." + +And my aunt seemed to ponder my difference. + +"Would Mr. Edwards object to it, do you think? Would he let them +come?" + +"The question is whether _I_ will let them come. Mr. Edwards has no +business with what is done in the house." + +"But, Aunt Gary, you would not have any objection." + +"I don't know, I am sure. I wish your father and mother had never left +you in my charge; for I don't know how to take care of you." + +"Aunt Gary," I said, "please don't object! There is nobody to read the +Bible to them--and I should like to do it very much." + +"Yes, I see you would. There--don't get excited about it--every Sunday +evening, did you say?" + +"Yes, ma'am, if you please." + +"Daisy, it will just tire you; that's what it will do. I know it, just +as well as if I had seen it. You are not strong enough." + +"I am sure it would refresh me, Aunt Gary. It did the other night." + +"The other night?" + +"Christmas eve, ma'am." + +"Did you read to them then?" + +"Yes, ma'am; they wanted to know what Christmas was about." + +"And you read to them. You are the oddest child!" + +"But Aunt Gary, never mind--it would be the greatest pleasure to me. +Won't you give leave?" + +"The servants hear the Bible read, child, every morning and every +night." + +"Yes, but that is only a very few of the house servants. I want some +of the others to come--a good many--as many as can come." + +"I wish your mother and father were here!" sighed my aunt. + +"Do you think Mr. Edwards would make any objection?" I asked again, +presuming on the main question being carried. "Would he let them +come?" + +"Let them come!" echoed my aunt. "Mr. Edwards would be well employed +to interfere with anything the family chose to do." + +"But you know he does not let them meet together, the people, Aunt +Gary; not unless they have his permission." + +"No, I suppose so. That is his business." + +"Then will you speak to him, ma'am, so that he may not be angry with +the people when they come?" + +"I? No," said my aunt. "I have nothing to do with your father's +overseer. It would just make difficulty, maybe, Daisy; you had better +let this scheme of yours alone." + +I could not without bitter disappointment. Yet I did not know how +further to press the matter. I sat still and said nothing. + +"I declare, if she isn't growing pale about it!" exclaimed my aunt. "I +know one thing, and that is, your father and mother ought to have +taken you along with them. I have not the least idea how to manage +you; not the least. What is it you want to do, Daisy?" + +I explained over again. + +"And now if you cannot have this trick of your fancy you will just +fidget yourself sick! I see it. Just as you went driving all about +Melbourne without company to take care of you. I am sure I don't know. +It is not in my way to meddle with overseers--How many people do you +want to read to at once, Daisy?" + +"As many as I can, Aunt Gary. But Mr. Edwards will not let two or +three meet together anywhere." + +"Well, I dare say he is right. You can't believe anything in the world +these people tell you, child. They will lie just as fast as they will +speak." + +"But if they came to see _me_, Aunt Gary?" I persisted, waiving the +other question. + +"That's another thing, of course. Well, don't worry. Call Preston. Why +children cannot be children passes my comprehension." + +Preston came, and there was a good deal of discussing of my plan; at +which Preston frowned and whistled, but on the whole, though I knew +against his will, took my part. The end was, my aunt sent for the +overseer. She had some difficulty, I judge, in carrying the point; +and made capital of my ill-health and delicacy and spoiled-child +character. The overseer's unwilling consent was gained at last; the +conditions being, that every one who came to hear the reading should +have a ticket of leave, written and signed by myself, for each +evening; and that I should be present with the assembly from the +beginning to the close of it. + +My delight was very great. And my aunt, grumbling at the whole matter, +and especially at her share in it, found an additional cause of +grumbling in that, she said, I had looked twenty per cent. better ever +since this foolish thing got possession of my head. "I am wondering," +she remarked to Miss Pinshon, "whatever Daisy will do when she grows +up. I expect nothing but she will be--what do you call them?--one of +those people who run wild over the human race." + +"Pirates?" suggested Preston. "Or corsairs?" + +"Her mother will be disappointed," went on my aunt. "That is what I +confidently expect." + +Miss Pinshon hinted something about the corrective qualities of +mathematics; but I was too happy to heed her or care. I _was_ stronger +and better, I believe, from that day; though I had not much to boast +of. A true tonic had been administered to me; my fainting energies +took a new start. + +I watched my opportunity, and went down to the kitchen one evening to +make my preparations. I found Maria alone and sitting in state before +the fire--which I believe was always in the kitchen a regal one. I +hardly aver saw it anything else. She welcomed me with great suavity; +drew up a chair for me; and finding I had something to say, sat then +quite grave and still looking into the blaze, while I unfolded my +plan. + +"De Lord is bery good!" was her subdued comment, made when I had done. +"He hab sent His angel, sure!" + +"Now, Maria," I went on, "you must tell me who would like to come next +Sunday, you think; and I must make tickets for them. Every one must +have my ticket, with his name on it; and then there will be no fault +found." + +"I s'pose not," said Maria--"wid Miss Daisy's name on it." + +"Who will come, Maria?" + +"Laws, chile, dere's heaps. Dere's Darry, and Pete--Pete, he say de +meetin' de oder night war 'bout de best meetin' he eber 'tended; he +wouldn't miss it for not'ing in de world; he's sure; and dere's ole +'Lize; and de two Jems--no, dere's _tree_ Jems dat is ser'ous; and +Stark, and Carl, and Sharlim----" + +"_Sharlim_?" said I, not knowing that this was the Caffir for +Charlemagne. + +"Sharlim," Maria repeated. "He don' know much; but he has a leanin' +for de good t'ings. And Darry, he can tell who'll come. I done forget +all de folks' names." + +"Why, Maria," I said, "I did not know there were so many people at +Magnolia that cared about the Bible." + +"What has 'um to care for, chile, I should like fur to know? Dere +ain't much mo' in _dis_ world." + +"But I thought there were only very few," I said. + +"'Spose um fifty," said Maria. "Fifty ain't much, I reckon, when +dere's all de rest o' de folks what _don't_ care. De Lord's people is +a little people yet, for sure; and de world's a big place. When de +Lord come Hisself, to look for 'em, 'spect He have to look mighty +hard. De world's awful dark." + +That brought to my mind my question. It was odd, no doubt, to choose +an old coloured woman for my adviser, but indeed, I had not much +choice; and something had given me a confidence in Maria's practical +wisdom, which early as it had been formed, nothing ever happened to +shake. So, after considering the fire and the matter a moment, I +brought forth my doubt. + +"Maria," said I, "what is the best way--I mean, how can one let one's +light shine?" + +"What Miss Daisy talkin' about?" + +"I mean--you know what the Bible says--'Let your light so shine before +men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is +in heaven.'" + +"For sure, I knows dat. Ain't much shining in dese yere parts. De +people is dark, Miss Daisy; dey don' know. 'Spect dey would try to +shine, some on 'em, ef dey knowed. Feel sure dey would." + +"But that is what I wanted to ask about, Maria. How ought one to let +one's light shine?" + +I remember now the kind of surveying look the woman gave me. I do not +know what she was thinking of; but she looked at me, up and down, for +a moment, with a wonderfully tender, soft expression. Then turned +away. + +"How let um light shine?" she repeated. "De bestest way, Miss Daisy, +is fur to make him burn good." + +I saw it all immediately; my question never puzzled me again. Take +care that the lamp is trimmed; take care that it is full of oil; see +that the flame mounts clear and steady towards heaven; and the Lord +will set it where its light will fall on what pleases Him, and where +it will reach, mayhap, to what you never dream of. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +WINTER AND SUMMER. + + +From the Christmas holidays I think I began slowly to mend. My aunt +watched me, and grumbled that kitchen amusements and rides with Darry +should prove the medicines most healing and effectual; but she dared +stop neither of them. I believe the overseer remonstrated on the +danger of the night gatherings; but my Aunt Gary had her answer ready, +and warned him not to do anything to hinder me, for I was the apple of +my father's eye. Miss Pinshon, sharing to the full my aunt's +discontent, would have got on horseback, I verily believe, to be with +me in my rides; but she was no rider. The sound of a horse's four feet +always, she confessed, stamped the courage out of her heart. I was let +alone; and the Sunday evenings in the kitchen, and the bright morning +hours in the pine avenues and oak groves, were my refreshment and my +pleasure and my strength. + +What there was of it; for I had not much strength to boast for many a +day. Miss Pinshon tried her favourite recipe whenever she thought she +saw a chance, and I did my best with it. But my education that winter +was quite in another line. I could not bear much arithmetic. Bending +over a desk did not agree with me. Reading aloud to Miss Pinshon never +lasted for more than a little while at a time. So it comes, that my +remembrance of that winter is not filled with school exercises, and +that Miss Pinshon's figure plays but a subordinate part in its +pictures. Instead of that, my memory brings back, first and chiefest +of all, the circle of dark faces round the kitchen light wood fire, +and the yellow blaze on the page from which I read; I, a little figure +in white, sitting in the midst amongst them all. That picture--those +evenings--come back to me, with a kind of hallowed perfume of truth +and hope. Truth, it was in my lips and on my heart; I was giving it +out to those who had it not. And hope--it was in more hearts than +mine, no doubt; but in mine it beat with as steady a beat as the +tickings of my little watch by my side, and breathed sweet as the +flowers that start in spring from under the snow. I had often a large +circle; and it was part of my plan, and well carried into execution, +that these evenings of reading should supply also the place of the +missing prayer-meeting. Gradually I drew it on to be so understood; +and then my pieces of reading were scattered along between the +prayers, or sometimes all came at first, followed by two or three +earnest longer prayers from some of those that were present. And then, +without any planning of mine, came in the singing. Not too much, lest, +as Maria said, we should "make de folks upstairs t'ink dere war +somethin' oncommon in de kitchen;" but one or two hymns we would have, +so full of spirit and sweetness that often nowadays they come back to +me, and I would give very much to hear the like again. So full of +music, too. Voices untrained by art, but gifted by nature; melodious +and powerful; that took different parts in the tune, and carried them +through without the jar of a false note or a false quantity; and a +love both of song and of the truth which made the music mighty. It was +the greatest delight to me that singing, whether I joined them or only +listened. One,--the thought of it comes over me now and brings the +water to my eyes,-- + + "Am I a soldier of the cross-- + Of the cross-- + Of the cross-- + A follower of the Lamb; + And shall I fear to own his cause, + Own his cause-- + Own his cause-- + Or blush to speak his name?" + +The repetitions at the end of every other line were both plaintive and +strong; there was no weakness, but some recognition of what it costs +in certain circumstances to "own His cause." I loved that dearly. But +that was only one of many. + +Also, the Bible words were wonderful sweet to me, as I was giving them +out to those who else had a "famine of the word." Bread to the hungry +is quite another thing from bread on the tables of the full. + +The winter had worn well on, before I received the answer to the +letter I had written my father about the prayer-meetings and Mr. +Edwards. It was a short answer, not in terms but in actual extent; +showing that my father was not strong and well yet. It was very kind +and tender, as well as short; I felt that in every word. In substance, +however, it told me I had better let Mr. Edwards alone. He knew what +he ought to do about the prayer-meetings and about other things; and +they were what I could not judge about. So my letter said. It said, +too, that things seemed strange to me because I was unused to them; +and that when I had lived longer at the South they would cease to be +strange, and I would understand them and look upon them as every one +else did. + +I studied and pondered this letter; not greatly disappointed, for I +had had but slender hopes that my petition could work anything. Yet I +had a disappointment to get over. The first practical use I made of my +letter, I went where I could be alone with it--indeed, I was that when +I read it,--but I went to a solitary lonely place, where I could not +be interrupted; and there I knelt down and prayed, that however long I +might live at the South, I might never get to look upon evil as +anything but evil, nor ever become accustomed to the things I thought +ought not to be, so as not to feel them. I shall never forget that +half hour. It broke my heart that my father and I should look on such +matters with so different eyes; and with my prayer for myself, which +came from the very bottom of my heart, I poured out also a flood of +love and tears over him, and of petition that he might have better +eyesight one day. Ah yes! and before it should be too late to right +the wrong he was unconsciously doing. + +For now I began to see, in the light of this letter first, that my +father's eyes were not clear but blind in regard to these matters. And +what he said about me led me to think and believe that his blindness +was the effect, not of any particular hardness or fault in him, but of +long teaching and habit and custom. For I saw that everybody else +around me seemed to take the present condition of things as the true +and best one; not only convenient, but natural and proper. Everybody, +that is, who did not suffer by it. I had more than suspicions that the +seven hundred on the estate were of a different mind here from the +half dozen who lived in the mansion; and that the same relative +difference existed on the other plantations in the neighbourhood. We +made visits occasionally, and the visits were returned. I was not shut +out from them, and so had some chance to observe things within a +circle of twenty miles. Our "neighbourhood" reached so far. And child +as I was, I could not help seeing: and I could not help looking, half +unconsciously, for signs of what lay so close on my heart. + +My father's letter thus held some material of comfort for me, although +it refused my request. Papa would not overset the overseer's decision +about the prayer-meetings. It held something else. There was a little +scrap of a note to Aunt Gary, saying, in the form of an order, that +Daisy was to have ten dollars paid to her every quarter; that Mrs. +Gary would see it done; and would further see that Daisy was not +called upon, by anybody, at any time, to give any account whatever of +her way of spending the same. + +How I thanked papa for this! How I knew the tender affection and +knowledge of me which had prompted it. How well I understood what it +was meant to do. I had a little private enjoyment of Aunt Gary's +disconsolate face and grudging hands as she bestowed upon me the first +ten dollars. It was not that she loved money so well, but she thought +this was another form of my father's unwise indulging and spoiling of +me; and that I was spoiled already. But I--I saw in a vision a large +harvest of joy, to be raised from this small seed crop. + +At first I thought I must lay out a few shillings of my stock upon a +nice purse to keep the whole in. I put the purse down at the head of +the list of things I was making out, for purchase the first time I +should go to Baytown, or have any good chance of sending. I had a +good deal of consideration whether I would have a purse or a +pocket-book. Then I had an odd secret pleasure in my diplomatic way of +finding out from Darry and Maria and Margaret what were the wants most +pressing of the sick and the old among the people; or of the +industrious and the enterprising. Getting Darry to talk to me in my +rides, by degrees I came to know the stories and characters of many of +the hands; I picked up hints of a want or a desire here and there, +which Darry thought there was no human means of meeting or gratifying. +Then, the next time I had a chance, I brought up these persons and +cases to Maria, and supplemented Darry's hints with her information. +Or I attacked Margaret when she was making my fire, and drew from her +what she knew about the parties in whom I was interested. So I +learned--and put it down in my notebook accordingly--that Pete could +spell out words a little bit, and would like mainly to read; if only +he had a Testament in large type. He could not manage little print; it +bothered him. Also I learned, that Aunt Sarah, a middle-aged woman who +worked in the fields, "wanted terrible to come to de Sabbas meetin's, +but she war 'shamed to come, 'cause her feet was mos' half out of her +shoes; and Mr. Ed'ards wouldn't give her no more till de time come +roun." Sarah had "been and gone and done stuck her feet in de fire for +to warm 'em, one time when dey was mighty cold, and she burn her +shoes. Learn her better next time." + +"But does she work every day in the field with her feet only half +covered?" I asked. + +"Laws! she don't care," said Maria. "'Taint no use give dem darkies +not'ng; dey not know how to keep um." + +But this was not Maria's real opinion, I knew. There was often a +strange sort of seeming hard edge of feeling put forth which I learned +to know pointed a deep, deep, maybe only half-conscious irony, and was +in reality a bitter comment upon facts. So a pair of new shoes for +Sarah went down in my list with a large print Testament for Pete. Then +I found that some of the people, some of the old ones, who in youth +had been accustomed to it, like nothing so well as tea; it was +ambrosia and Lethe mingled; and a packet of tea was put in my list +next to the Testament. But the tea must have sugar; and I could not +bear that they should drink it out of mugs, without any teaspoons; so +to please myself I sent for a little delf ware and a few pewter +spoons. Little by little my list grew. I found that Darry knew +something about letters; could write a bit; and would prize the means +of writing as a very rare treasure and pleasure. And with fingers that +almost trembled with delight, I wrote down paper and pens and a bottle +of ink for Darry. Next, I heard of an old woman at the quarters, who +was ailing and infirm, and I am afraid ill-treated, who at all events +was in need of comfort, and had nothing but straw and the floor to +rest her poor bones on at night. A soft pallet for her went down +instantly on my list; my ink and tears mingled together as I wrote; +and I soon found that my purse must be cut off from the head of my +list for that time. I never ventured to put it at the head again; nor +found a chance to put it anywhere else. I spent four winters at +Magnolia after that; and never had a new purse all the time. + +I had to wait awhile for an opportunity to make my purchases; then had +the best in the world, for Darry was sent to Baytown on business. To +him I confided my list and my money, with my mind on the matter; and I +was served to a point and with absolute secrecy. For that I had +insisted on. Darry and Maria were in my counsels, of course; but the +rest of the poor people knew only by guess who their friend was. Old +Sarah found her new shoes in her hut one evening, and in her noisy +delight declared that "some big angel had come t'rough de quarters." +The cups and saucers it was necessary to own, lest more talk should +have been made about them than at all suited me; Darry let it be +understood that nothing must be said and nobody must know of the +matter; and nobody did; but I took the greatest enjoyment in hearing +from Maria how the old women (and one or two men) gathered together +and were comforted over their cups of tea. And over the _cups_, Maria +said: the cups and spoons made the tea twice as good; but I doubt +their relish of it was never half so exquisite as mine. I had to give +Pete his Testament; he would not think it the same thing if he did not +have it from my own hand, Maria said; and Darry's pens and ink +likewise. The poor woman for whom I had got the bed was, I fear, +beyond enjoying anything; but it was a comfort to me to know that she +was lying on it. The people kept my secret perfectly; my aunt and +governess never, I believe, heard anything of all these doings; I had +my enjoyment to myself. + +And the Sunday evening prayer-meeting grew, little by little. Old +Sarah and her new shoes were there, of course, at once. Those who +first came never failed. And week by week, as I went into the kitchen +with my Bible, I saw a larger circle; found the room better lined with +dark forms and sable faces. They come up before me now as I write, one +and another. I loved them all. I love them still, for I look to meet +many of them in glory; "where there is neither bond or free." Nay, +that is _here_ and at present, to all who are in Christ; we do not +wait for heaven, to be all one. + +And they loved me, those poor people. I think Pete had something the +same sort of notion about me that those Ephesians had of their image +of Diana, which they insisted had fallen from heaven. I used to feel +it then, and be amused by it. + +But I am too long about my story. No wonder I linger, when the +remembrance is so sweet. With this new interest that had come into my +life, my whole life brightened. I was no longer spiritless. My +strength little by little returned. And with the relief of my heart +about my father, my happiness sprung back almost to its former and +usual state when I was at Melbourne. For I had by this time submitted +to my father's and mother's absence as a thing of necessity, and +submitted entirely. Yet my happiness was a subdued sort of thing; and +my Aunt Gary still thought it necessary to be as careful of me, she +said, "as if I were an egg-shell." As I grew stronger, Miss Pinshon +made more and more demands upon my time with her arithmetic lessons +and other things; but my rides with Darry were never interfered with, +nor my Sunday evening readings; and, indeed, all the winter I +continued too delicate and feeble for much school work. My dreaded +governess did not have near so much to do with me as I thought she +would. + +The spring was not far advanced before it was necessary for us to quit +Magnolia. The climate, after a certain day, or rather the air, was not +thought safe for white people. We left Magnolia; and went first to +Baytown and then to the North. There our time was spent between one +and another of several watering-places. I longed for Melbourne; but +the house was shut up; we could not go there. The summer was very +wearisome to me. I did not like the houses in which our time was +spent, or the way of life led in them. Neither did Miss Pinshon, I +think, for she was out of her element, and had no chance to follow +her peculiar vocation. Of course, in a public hotel, we could not have +a schoolroom; and with the coming on of warm weather my strength +failed again so sensibly, that all there was to do was to give me sea +air and bathing, and let me alone. The bathing I enjoyed; those +curling salt waves breaking over my head are the one image of anything +fresh or refreshing which my memory has kept. I should have liked the +beach; I did like it; only it was covered with bathers, or else with +promenaders in carriages and on foot, at all times when I saw it; and +though they were amusing, the beach was spoiled. The hotel rooms were +close and hot; I missed all the dainty freedom and purity of my own +home; the people I saw were, it seemed to me, entirely in keeping with +the rooms; that is, they were stiff and fussy, not quiet and busy. +They were busy after their own fashion, indeed; but it always seemed +to me busy about nothing. The children I saw too did not attract me; +and I fear I did not attract them. I was sober-hearted and low-toned +in spirit and strength; while they were as gay as their elders. And I +was dressed according to my mother's fancy, in childlike style, +without hoops, and with my hair cropped short all over my head. They +were stately with crinoline, and rich with embroidery, stiff with fine +dresses and plumes; while a white frock and a flat straw were all my +adornment, except a sash. I think they did not know what to make of +me; and I am sure I had nothing in common with them; so we lived very +much apart. There was a little variation in my way of life when +Preston came; yet not much. He took me sometimes to drive, and did +once go walking with me on the beach; but Preston found a great deal +where I found nothing, and was all the time taken up with people and +pleasures; boating and yachting and fishing expeditions; and I +believe with hops and balls too. But I was always fast asleep at those +times. + +It was a relief to me when the season came to an end, and we went to +New York to make purchases before turning southward. I had once hoped, +that this time, the year's end might see my father and mother come +again. That hope had faded and died a natural death a long while ago. +Letters spoke my father's health not restored: he was languid and +spiritless and lacked vigour; he would try the air of Switzerland; he +would spend the winter in the Pyrenees! If that did not work well, my +mother hinted, perhaps he would have to try the effect of a long sea +voyage. Hope shrunk into such small dimensions that it filled but a +very little corner of my heart. Indeed, for the present I quite put it +by and did not look at it. One winter more must pass, at any rate, and +maybe a full year, before I could possibly see my father and mother at +home. I locked the door for the present upon hope; and turned my +thoughts to what things I had left with me. Chiefest of all these were +my poor friends at Magnolia. My money had accumulated during the +summer; I had a nice little sum to lay out for them, and in New York I +had chance to do it well, and to do it myself, which was a great +additional pleasure. As I could, bit by bit, when I was with Aunt Gary +shopping, when I could get leave to go out alone with a careful +servant to attend me, I searched the shops and catered and bought, for +the comfort and pleasure of--seven hundred! I could do little. Nay, +but it was for so many of those that I could reach with my weak hands; +and I did not despise that good because I could not reach them all. A +few more large-print Testaments I laid in; some copies of the Gospel +of John, in soft covers and good type; a few hymn books. All these +cost little. But for Christmas gifts, and for new things to give help +and comfort to my poor pensioners, I both plagued and bewitched my +brain. It was sweet work. My heart went out towards making _all_ the +people happy for once, at Christmas; but my purse would not stretch so +far; I had to let that go, with a thought and a sigh. + +One new thing came very happily into my head, and was worth a Peruvian +mine to me, in the pleasure and business it gave. Going into a large +greenhouse with my aunt, who wanted to order a bouquet, I went +wandering round the place while she made her bargain. For my Aunt Gary +made a bargain of everything. Wandering in thought as well, whither +the sweet breath of the roses and geraniums led me, I went back to +Molly in her cottage at Melbourne, and the Jewess geranium I had +carried her, and the rose tree; and suddenly the thought started into +my head, might not my dark friends at Magnolia, so quick to see and +enjoy anything of beauty that came in their way--so fond of bright +colour and grace and elegance--a luxurious race, even in their +downtrodden condition; might not _they_ also feel the sweetness of a +rose, or delight in the petals of a tulip? It was a great idea; it +grew into a full-formed purpose before I was called to follow Aunt +Gary out of the greenhouse. The next day I went there on my own +account. I was sure I knew what I wanted to do; but I studied a long +time the best way of doing it. Roses? I could hardly transport pots +and trees so far; they were too cumbersome. Geraniums were open to the +same objection, besides being a little tender as to the cold. Flower +seeds could not be sown, if the people had them; for no patch of +garden belonged to their stone huts, and they had no time to +cultivate such a patch if they had it. I must give what would call +for no care, to speak of, and make no demands upon overtasked strength +and time. Neither could I afford to take anything of such bulk as +would draw attention or call on questions and comments. I knew, as +well as I know now, what would be thought of any plan of action which +supposed a _love of the beautiful_ in creatures the only earthly use +of whom was to raise rice and cotton; who in fact were not half so +important as the harvests they grew. I knew what unbounded scorn would +visit any attempts of mine to minister to an æsthetic taste in these +creatures; and I was in no mind to call it out upon myself. All the +while I knew better. I knew that Margaret and Stephanie could put on a +turban like no white woman I ever saw. I knew that even Maria could +take the full effect of my dress when I was decked--as I was +sometimes--for a dinner party; and that no fall of lace or knot of +ribbon missed its errand to her eye. I knew that a _picture_ raised +the liveliest interest in all my circle of Sunday hearers; and that +they were quick to understand and keen to take its bearings, far more +than Molly Skelton would have been, more than Logan, our Scotch +gardener at Melbourne, or than my little old friend Hephzibah and her +mother. But the question stood, In what form could I carry beauty to +them out of a florist's shop? I was fain to take the florist into my +partial confidence. It was well that I did. He at once suggested +bulbs. Bulbs! would they require much care? Hardly any; no trouble at +all. They could be easily transported: easily kept. All they wanted +was a little pot of earth when I was ready to plant them; a little +judicious watering; an unbounded supply of sunshine. And what sorts of +bulbs were there? I asked diplomatically; not myself knowing, to tell +truth, what bulbs were at all. Plenty of sorts, the florist said; +there were hyacinths, all colours; and tulips, striped and plain, and +very gay; and crocuses, those were of nearly all colours too; and +ranunculus, and anemones, and snowdrops. Snowdrops were white; but of +several of the other kinds I could have every tint in the rainbow, +both alone and mixed. The florist stood waiting my pleasure, and +nipped off a dead leaf or two as he spoke, as if there was no hurry +and I could take my time. I went into happy calculation, as to how far +my funds would reach; gave my orders, very slowly and very carefully; +and went away the owner of a nice little stock of tulips, narcissus, +crocuses, and above all, hyacinths. I chose gay tints, and at the same +time inexpensive kinds; so that my stock was quite large enough for my +purposes; it mattered nothing to me whether a sweet double hyacinth +was of a new or an old kind, provided it was of first-rate quality; +and I confess it matters almost as little to me now. At any rate, I +went home a satisfied child; and figuratively speaking, dined and +supped off tulips and hyacinths, instead of mutton and bread and +butter. + +That afternoon it fell out that my aunt took me with her to a +milliner's on some business. In the course of it, some talk arose +about feathers and the value of them; and my aunt made a remark which, +like Wat Tyrrell's arrow, glanced from its aim and did execution in a +quarter undreamed of. + +"That feather you put in the little riding cap you sent me," she said +to the milliner--"your black feather, Daisy, you know--you charged me +but fifteen dollars for that; why is this so much more?" + +I did not hear the milliner's answer. My whole thought went off upon a +track entirely new to me, and never entered before My feather cost +fifteen dollars! Fifteen dollars! Supposing I had that to buy tulips +with? or in case I had already tulips enough, suppose I had it to buy +print gowns for Christmas presents to the women, which I had desired +and could not afford? Or that I had it to lay out in tea and sugar, +that my poor old friends might oftener have the one solace that was +left to them, or that more might share it? Fifteen dollars! It was +equal to one quarter and a half's allowance. My fund for more than a +third of the year would be doubled, if I could turn that black feather +into silver or gold again. And the feather was of no particular use +that I could see. It made me look like the heiress of Magnolia, my +aunt said; but neither could I see any use in _that_. Everybody knew, +that is, all the servants and friends of the family knew, that I was +that heiress; I needed no black feather to proclaim it. And now it +seemed to me as if my riding cap was heavy with undeveloped bulbs, +uncrystallized sugar, unweighed green tea. No transformation of the +feather was possible; it must wave over my brow in its old fashion, +whether it were a misguided feather or not; but my thoughts, once set +a going in this train, found a great deal to do. Truth to tell, they +have not done it all yet. + +"Aunt Gary," I said that same evening, musing over the things in my +boxes, "does lace cost much?" + +"That is like the countryman who asked me once, if it took long to +play a piece of music! Daisy, don't you know any more about lace than +to ask such a question?" + +"I don't know what it costs, Aunt Gary. I never bought any." + +"Bought! No; hardly. You are hardly at the age to _buy_ lace yet. But +you have worn a good deal of it." + +"I cannot tell what it cost by looking at it," I answered. + +"Well, _I_ can. And you will, one day, I hope; if you ever do anything +like other people." + +"Is it costly, ma'am?" + +"Your lace is rather costly," my aunt said, with a tone which I felt +implied satisfaction. + +"How much?" I asked. + +"How much does it cost? Why it is the countryman's question over +again, Daisy. Lace is all sorts of prices. But the lace you wear is, I +judge, somewhere about three and five, and one of your dresses ten, +dollars a yard. That is pretty rich lace for a young lady of your +years to wear." + +I never wore it, I must explain, unless in small quantity, except on +state occasions when my mother dressed me as part of herself. + +"No, I am wrong," my aunt added, presently; "that dress I am thinking +of is richer than that; the lace on that robe was never bought for ten +dollars, or fifteen either. What do you want to know about it for, +Daisy?" + +I mused a great deal. Three and five, and ten, and fifteen dollars a +yard, on lace trimmings for me--and no tea, no cups and saucers, no +soft bed, no gardens and flowers, for many who were near me. I began +to fill the meshes of my lace with responsibilities too heavy for the +delicate fabric to bear. Nobody liked the looks of it better than I +did. I always had a fancy for lace, though not for feathers; its rich, +delicate, soft falls, to my notion, suited my mother's form and style +better than anything else, and suited me. My taste found no fault. But +now that so much good was wrought into its slight web, and so much +silver lay hidden in every embroidered flower, the thing was changed. +Graceful, and becoming, and elegant, more than any other adornment; +what then? My mother and father had a great deal of money, too, to +spare; enough, I thought, for lace and for the above tea and sugar, +too; what then? And what if not enough? I pondered till my Aunt Gary +broke out upon me, that I would grow a wizened old woman if I sat +musing at that rate, and sent me to bed. It stopped my pondering for +that night; but not for all the years since that night. + +My preparations were quite made before my aunt got her feathers +adjusted to her satisfaction; and in the bright days of autumn we went +back again to Magnolia. This was a joyful journey and a glad arriving, +compared to last year; and the welcome I got was something which +puzzled my heart between joy and sorrow many times during the first +few days. + +And now Miss Pinshon's reign fairly began. I was stronger in health, +accustomed to my circumstances; there was no longer any reason that +the multiplication table and I should be parted. My governess was +determined to make up for lost time; and the days of that winter were +spent by me between the study table and fire. That is, when I think of +that winter my memory finds me there. Multiplication and its +correlatives were the staple of existence; and the old book room of my +grandfather was the place where my harvests of learning were sown and +reaped. + +Somehow, I do not think the crops were heavy. I tried my best, and +Miss Pinshon certainly tried her best. I went through and over immense +fields of figures; but I fancy the soil did not suit the growth. I +know the fruits were not satisfactory to myself, and, indeed, were not +fruits at all, to my sense of them; but rather dry husks and hard nut +shells, with the most tasteless of small kernels inside. Yet Miss +Pinshon did not seem unsatisfied; and, indeed, occasionally remarked +that she believed I meant to be a good child. Perhaps that was +something out of my governess's former experience; for it was the only +style of commendation I ever knew her indulge in, and I always took it +as a compliment. + +It would not do to tell all my childish life that winter. I should +never get through. For a child has as many experiences in her little +world as people of fifty years old have in theirs; and to her they are +not little experiences. It was not a small trial of mind and body to +spend the long mornings in the study over the curious matters Miss +Pinshon found for my attention; and after the long morning the shorter +afternoon session was un-mixed weariness. Yet I suffered most in the +morning; because then there was some life and energy within me which +rebelled against confinement, and panted to be free and in the open +air, looking after the very different work I could find or make for +myself. My feet longed for the turf; my fingers wanted to throw down +the slate pencil and gather up the reins. I had a good fire and a +pleasant room; but I wanted to be abroad in the open sunshine, to feel +the sweet breath of the air in my face, and see the grey moss wave in +the wind. That was what I had been used to all my life; a sweet wild +roaming about, to pick up whatever pleasure presented itself. I +suppose Miss Pinshon herself had never been used to it nor known it; +for she did not seem to guess at what was in my mind. But it made my +mornings hard to get through. By the afternoon the spirit was so +utterly gone out of me and everything, that I took it all in a +mechanical stupid way; and only my back's aching made me impatient for +the time to end. + +I think I was fond of knowledge and fond of learning. I am sure of it, +for I love it dearly still. But there was no joy about it at +Magnolia. History, as I found it with my governess, was not in the +least like the history I had planned on my tray of sand, and pointed +out with red and black headed pins. There was life and stir in that, +and progress. Now there was nothing but a string of names and dates to +say to Miss Pinshon. And dates were hard to remember, and did not seem +to mean anything. But Miss Pinshon's favourite idea was mathematics. +It was not my favourite idea; so every day I wandered through a +wilderness of figures and signs which were a weariness to my mind and +furnished no food for it. Nothing was pleasant to me in my schoolroom, +excepting my writing lessons. They were welcomed as a relief from +other things. + +When the studies for the day were done, the next thing was to prepare +for a walk. A walk with Miss Pinshon alone, for my aunt never joined +us. Indeed, this winter my aunt was not unfrequently away from +Magnolia altogether; finding Baytown more diverting. It made a little +difference to me; for when she was not at home, the whole day, +morning, afternoon and evening, meal times and all times, seemed under +a leaden grey sky. Miss Pinshon discussed natural history to me when +we were walking--not the thing, but the science; she asked me +questions in geography when we were eating breakfast, and talked over +some puzzle in arithmetic when we were at dinner. I think it was +refreshing to her; she liked it; but to me, the sky closed over me in +lead colour, one unbroken vault, as I said, when my aunt was away. +With her at home, all this could not be; and any changes of colour +were refreshing. + +All this was not very good for me. My rides with Darry would have been +a great help; but now I only got a chance at them now and then. I grew +spiritless and weary. Sundays I would have begged to be allowed to +stay at home all day and rest; but I knew if I pleaded fatigue my +evenings with the people in the kitchen would be immediately cut off; +not my drives to church. Miss Pinshon always drove the six miles to +Bolingbroke every Sunday morning, and took me with her. Oh how long +the miles were! how weary I was, with my back aching and trying to +find a comfortable corner in the carriage; how I wanted to lie down on +the soft cushions in the pew and go to sleep during the service. And +when the miles home were finished, it seemed to me that so was I. Then +I used to pray to have strength in the evening to read with the +people. And I always had it; or at least I always did it. I never +failed; though the rest of the Sunday hours were often spent on the +bed. But, indeed, that Sunday evening reading was the one thing that +saved my life from growing, or settling, into a petrifaction. Those +hours gave me cheer, and some spirit to begin again on Monday morning. + +However, I was not thriving. I know I was losing colour, and sinking +in strength, day by day; yet very gradually; so that my governess +never noticed it. My aunt sometimes, on her return from an absence +that had been longer than common, looked at me uneasily. + +"Miss Pinshon, what ails that child?" she would ask. + +My governess said, "Nothing." Miss Pinshon was the most immovable +person, I think, I have ever known. At least, so far as one could +judge from the outside. + +"She looks to me," my aunt went on, "exactly like a cabbage, or +something else, that has been blanched under a barrel. A kind of +unhealthy colour. She is not strong." + +"She has more strength than she shows," my governess answered. "Daisy +has a good deal of strength." + +"Do you think so?" said my aunt, looking doubtfully at me. But she was +comforted. And neither of them asked me about it. + +One thing in the early half of the winter was a great help; and for a +while stayed my flitting spirits and strength. My father wrote an +order, that Daisy should make arrangements for giving all the people +on the plantation a great entertainment at Christmas. I was to do what +I liked and have whatever I chose to desire; no one altering or +interfering with my word. I shall never forget the overflowing of +largest joy, with which my heart swelled as I ran in to tell this news +to Aunt Gary. But first I had to kneel down and give thanks for it. + +I never saw my aunt more displeased about anything. Miss Pinshon only +lifted up her black eyes and looked me over. They did not express +curiosity or anything else; only observation. My aunt spoke out. + +"I think there must be some mistake, Daisy." + +"No, Aunt Gary; papa says just that." + +"You mean the house servants, child." + +"No, ma'am; papa says every one; all the people on the place." + +"He means the white people, you foolish child; everybody's head is not +full of the servants, as yours is." + +"He says the coloured people, Aunt Gary; all of them. It is _only_ the +coloured people." + +"Hear her!" said my aunt. "Now she would rather entertain them, I +don't doubt, than the best company that could be gathered of her own +sort." + +I certainly would. Did I not think with joy at that very minute of the +words, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of _these_, ye +have done it unto me?" I knew what guest would be among my poor +despised company. But I said not a word. + +"Daisy," said my aunt, "you _must_ be under a mistake; you must let me +see what your father says. Why, to give all these hundreds an +entertainment, it would cost--have you any idea what it would cost?" + +I had not indeed. But my father's letter had mentioned a sum which was +to be the limit of my expenditure; within which I was to be unlimited. +It was a large sum, amounting to several hundreds, and amply +sufficient for all I could wish to do. I told my aunt. + +"Well!" she said, twisting herself round to the fire, "if your father +has money to fling about like that, I have of course no more to say." + +Miss Pinshon looked up again at me. Those black eyes were always the +same; the eyelids never drooped over them. "What are you going to do, +Daisy?" she asked. + +Truly I did not know, yet. I gave my aunt a note to the overseer from +my father, which I begged her to forward; and ran away to take sweet +counsel with myself. + +I had had some little experience of such an entertainment in the +strawberry festival at Melbourne. I remembered that good things to eat +and drink were sure to be enjoyed, and not these only, but also a +pretty and festive air thrown about these things. And much more would +this be true among the beauty-loving, and luxurious-natured children +of the tropics, than with the comparatively barbarous Celtic blood. +But between entertaining thirty and seven hundred there was a +difference. And between the season of roses and fruits, and the time +of mid-winter, even though in a southern clime, there was another +wide difference. I had need of a great deal of counsel-taking with +myself, and I took it; and it was very good for me. In every interval +between mathematical or arithmetical problems, my mind ran off to this +other one, with infinite refreshment. + +Then I consulted Maria; she was a great help to me. I thought at first I +should have to build a place to hold our gatherings in; the home kitchen +was not a quarter large enough. But Darry told me of an empty barn not +far off, that was roomy and clean. By virtue of my full powers I seized +upon this barn. I had it well warmed with stoves; Darry saw to that for +me, and that they were well and safely put up; I had it adorned and +clothed and made gay with evergreens and flowers, till it was beautiful. +The carpenters on the place put up long tables, and fitted plenty of +seats. Then I had some rough kitchens extemporised outside of it; and +sent for loads of turkeys from Baytown; and for days before and after +Christmas my band of cooks were busy, roasting and baking and +cake-making. Coffee was brewed without measure, as if we had been a +nation of Arabs. And then tickets were furnished to all the people on the +place, tickets of admission; and for all the holidays, or for Christmas +and three days after, I kept open house at the barn. Night and day I kept +open house. I went and came myself, knowing that the sight of me hindered +nobody's pleasure; but I let in no other white person, and I believe I +gained the lasting ill-will of the overseer by refusing him. I stood +responsible for everybody's good behaviour, and had no forfeits to pay. +And enjoyment reigned, during those days, in the barn; a gay enjoyment, +full of talk and of singing as well as of feasting; full of laughter and +jokes, and full of utmost good-humour and kindness from one to another. +Again, most unlike a party of Celtic origin. It was enjoyment to me too; +very great; though dashed continually by the thought how rare and strange +it was to those around me. Only for my sake and dependent on my little +hand of power; having no guarantee or security else for its ever coming +again. As the holiday drew near its end, my heart grew sore often at the +thought of all my poor friends going back into their toil, hopeless and +spiritless as it was, without one ray to brighten the whole year before +them till Christmas should come round again. Ay, and this feeling was +quickened every now and then by a word, or a look, or a tone, which told +me that I was not the only one who remembered it. "Christmas is almos' +gone, Tony," I heard one fine fellow say to another at the end of the +third day; and under the words there was a thread of meaning which gave a +twitch to my heartstrings. There were bursts of song mingled with all +this, which I could not bear to hear. In the prayer-meetings I did not +mind them; here, in the midst of festivities, they almost choked me. "I'm +going home" sounded now so much as if it were in a strange land; and once +when a chorus of them were singing, deep and slow, the refrain, + + "In the morning-- + Chil'len, in the morning--" + +I had a great heartbreak, and sat down and cried behind my sugarplums. + +I can bear to think of it all now. There were years when I could not. + +After this entertainment was over, and much more stupid ones had been +given among polished people at the house, and the New Year had swept +in upon us with its fresh breeze of life and congratulations, the +winter and Miss Pinshon settled down for unbroken sway. + +I had little to help me during those months from abroad. That is, I +had nothing. My father wrote seldom. My mother's letters had small +comfort for me. They said that papa's health mended slowly--was very +delicate--he could not bear much exertion--his head would not endure +any excitement. They were trying constant changes of scene and air. +They were at Spa, at Paris, at Florence, at Vevay, in the Pyrenees; +not staying long anywhere. The physicians talked of a long sea voyage. +From all which I gradually brought down my hopes into smaller and +smaller compass; till finally I packed them up and stowed them away in +the hidden furthermost corner of my heart, only to be brought out and +looked at when there should be occasion. Spring came without the least +prospect that such occasion would be given me soon. My father and +mother were making preparation to journey in Norway; and already there +was talk of a third winter in Egypt! It was hoped that all these +changes were not without some slow and certain effect in the way of +improvement. I think on me they had another sort of effect. + +Spring as usual drove us away from Magnolia. This summer was spent +with my Aunt Gary at various pleasant and cool up-country places, +where hills were, and brooks, and sweet air, and flowers, and where I +might have found much to enjoy. But always Miss Pinshon was with me, +and the quiet and freedom of these places, with the comparative cool +climate, made it possible for her to carry on all her schemes for my +improvement just as steadily as though we had been at Magnolia. And I +had not Darry and my pony, which indeed, the latter had been of small +use to me this year; and I had not my band of friends on the Sunday +evening; and even my own maid Margaret Aunt Gary had chosen to leave +behind. Miss Pinshon's reign was absolute. I think some of the Medusa +properties Preston used to talk about must have had their effect upon +me at this time. I remember little of all that summer, save the work +for Miss Pinshon, and the walks with Miss Pinshon, and a general +impression of those black eyes and inflexible voice, and mathematics +and dates, and a dull round of lesson getting. Not knowledge +getting--that would have been quite another affair. I seemed to be all +the while putting up a scaffolding, and never coming to work on the +actual Temple of Learning itself. I know we were in beautiful regions +that summer, but my recollection is not of them but of rows of +figures; and of a very grave, I think dull, and very quiet little +personage, who went about like a mouse for silentness, and gave no +trouble to anybody excepting only to herself. + +The next winter passed as the winter before had done, only I had no +Christmas entertainment. My father and mother were in Egypt--perhaps he +did not think of it. Perhaps he did not feel that he could afford it. +Perhaps my aunt and the overseer had severally made representations to +which my father thought it best to listen. I had no festivities at any +rate for my poor coloured people; and it made my own holidays a very +shaded thing. + +I found, however, this winter one source of amusement, and in a measure, +of comfort. In the bookcases which held my grandfather's library, there +was a pretty large collection of books of travel. I wanted to know just +then about Egypt, that I might the better in imagination follow my father +and mother. I searched the shelves for Egypt, and was lucky enough to light +upon several works of authority and then recent observation. I feasted on +these. I began in the middle, then very soon went back to the beginning, +and read delightedly, carefully, patiently, through every detail and +discussion in which the various authors indulged. Then I turned all their +pictures into living panorama; for I fancied my father and mother in every +place, looking at every wonder they described; and I enjoyed not merely +what they described, but my father's and mother's enjoyment of it. This +was a rare delight to me. My favourite place was the corner of the study +fire, at dusk, when lessons and tiresome walks for the day were done, and +Miss Pinshon was taking her ease elsewhere in some other way. I had the +fire made up to burn brightly, and pine knots at hand to throw on if +wanted; and with the illumination dancing all over my page, I went off to +regions of enchantment, pleasant to me beyond any fairy tale. I never cared +much for things that were not true. No chambers of Arabian fancy could have +had the fascination for me of those old Egyptian halls, nor all the marvels +of magic entranced me like the wonder-working hand of time. Those books +made my comfort and my diversion all the winter. For I was not a galloping +reader; I went patiently through every page; and the volumes were many +enough and interesting enough to last me long. I dreamed under the Sphynx; +I wandered over the pyramids; no chamber nor nook escaped me; I could have +guided a traveller--in imagination. I knew the prospect from the top, +though I never wrote my name there. It seemed to me that _that_ was +barbarism. I sailed up the Nile--delightful journeys on board the Nile +boats--forgetting Miss Pinshon and mathematics, except when I rather +pitied the ancient Egyptians for being so devoted to the latter; forgetting +Magnolia, and all the home things I could not do and would have liked to +do; forgetting everything, and rapt in the enjoyment of tropical airs, and +Eastern skies; hearing the plash of water from the everlasting _shadoof_, +and watching the tints and colours on the ranges of hills bordering the +Nile valley. All _my_ hills were green; the hues of those others were +enough of themselves to make an enchanted land. Still more, as I stopped +at the various old temples along the way, my feeling of enchantment +increased. I threaded the mazes of rubbish, and traced the plans of the +ruins of Thebes, till I was at home in every part of them. I studied the +hieroglyphics and the descriptions of the sculptures, till the names of +Thothmes III., and Amunoph III., and Sethos and Rameses, Miamun and +Rameses III., were as well known to me as the names of the friends whom +I met every Sunday evening. I even studied out the old Egyptian mythology, +the better to be able to understand the sculptures, as well as the +character of those ancient people who wrought them, and to be able to +fancy the sort of services that were celebrated by the priests in the +splendid enclosures of the temples. + +And then I went higher up the Nile, and watched at the uncovering of +those wonderful colossal figures which stand, or sit, before the +temple of Abou-Simbel. I tried to imagine what manner of things such +large statues could be; I longed for one sight of the faces, said to +be so superb, which showed what the great Rameses looked like. Mamma +and papa could see them, that was a great joy. Belzoni was one of my +prime favourites; and I liked particularly to travel with him, both +there and at the Tombs of the Kings. There were some engravings +scattered through the various volumes, and a good many plans, which +helped me. I studied them faithfully, and got from them all they could +give me. + +In the Tombs of the Kings, my childish imagination found, I think, its +highest point of revelling and delight. Those were something stranger, +more wonderful, and more splendid, even than Abou-Simbel and Karnak. +Many an evening, while the firelight from a Southern pine knot danced +on my page, I was gone on the wings of fancy thousands of miles away; +and went with discoverers or explorers up and down the passages and +halls and staircases and chambers, to which the entrance is from +_Biban el Malook_. I wandered over the empty sarcophagi; held my +breath at the pit's sides; and was never tired of going over the +scenes and sculptures done in such brilliant colours upon those white +walls. Once in there, I quite forgot that mamma and papa could see +them; I was so busy seeing them myself. + +This amusement of mine was one which nobody interfered with, and it +lasted, as I said, all winter. All the winter my father and mother +were in Egypt. When spring came, I began to look with trembling +eagerness for a letter that should say they would turn now homewards. +I was disappointed. My father was so much better that his physicians +were encouraged to continuing their travelling regimen; and the word +came that it was thought best he should try a long sea voyage--he was +going to China, my mother would go with him. + +I think never in my life my spirits sank lower than they did when I +heard this news. I was not strong nor very well, which might have been +in part the reason. And I was dull-hearted to the last degree under +the influence of Miss Pinshon's system of management. There was no +power of reaction in me. It was plain that I was failing; and my aunt +interrupted the lessons, and took me again to watering-places at the +North, from one to another, giving me as much change as possible. It +was good for me to be taken off study, which Miss Pinshon had pressed +and crowded during the winter. Sea bathing did me good, too; and the +change of scene and habits was useful. I did not rise to the level of +enjoying anything much; only the sea waves when I was in them; at +other times I sat on the bank and watched the distant smokestack of a +steamer going out, with an inexpressible longing and soreness of +heart. Going where I would so like to go! But there was no word of +that. And indeed it would not have been advisable to take me to China. +I did think Egypt would not have been bad for me; but it was a thought +which I kept shut up in the farthest stores of my heart. + +The sea voyage however was delayed. My mother took sick, was very ill, +and then unable to undertake the going to China. My father chose to +wait for her; so the summer was spent by them in Switzerland and the +autumn in Paris. With the first of the New Year they expected now to +sail. It suddenly entered my Aunt Gary's head that it was a good time +for _her_ to see Paris; and she departed, taking Ransom with her, whom +my father wished to place in a German university, and meantime in a +French school. Preston had been placed at the Military Academy at West +Point, my aunt thinking that it made a nice finishing of a gentleman's +education, and would keep him out of mischief till he was grown to +man's estate. I was left alone with Miss Pinshon to go back to +Magnolia and take up my old life there. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +SINGLEHANDED. + + +As my aunt set sail for the shores of Europe, and Miss Pinshon and I +turned our faces towards Magnolia, I seemed to see before me a weary +winter. I was alone now; there was nobody to take my part in small or +great things; my governess would have her way. I was so much stronger +now that no doubt she thought I could bear it. So it was. The full +tale of studies and tasks was laid on me; and it lay on me from +morning till night. + +I had expected that. I had looked also for the comfort and refreshment +of ministering to my poor friends in the kitchen on the Sunday +evenings. I began as usual with them. But as the Sundays came round, I +found now and then a gap or two in the circle; and the gaps as time +went on did not fill up; or if they did they were succeeded by other +gaps. My hearers grew fewer, instead of more; the fact was undoubted. +Darry was always on the spot; but the two Jems not always, and Pete +was not sure, and Eliza failed sometimes, and others; and this grew +worse. Moreover, a certain grave and sad air replaced the enjoying, +almost jocund, spirit of gladness which used to welcome me and listen +to the reading and join in the prayers and raise the song. The singing +was not less good than it used to be; but it fell oftener into the +minor key, and then poured along with a steady, powerful volume, +deepening and steadying as it went, which somehow swept over my heart +like a wind from the desert. I could not well tell why, yet I felt it +trouble me; sometimes my heart trembled with the thrill of those sweet +and solemn vibrations. I fancied that Darry's prayer had a somewhat +different atmosphere from the old. Yet when I once or twice asked +Margaret the next morning why such and such a one had not been at the +reading, she gave me a careless answer, that she supposed Mr. Edwards +had found something for them to do. + +"But at night, Margaret?" I said. "Mr. Edwards cannot keep them at +work at night." + +To which she made no answer; and I was for some reason unwilling to +press the matter. But things went on, not getting better but worse +until I could not bear it. I watched my opportunity and got Maria +alone. + +"What is the matter," I asked, "that the people do not come on Sunday +evening as they used? Are they tired of the reading, Maria?" + +"I 'spect dey's as tired as a fish mus' be of de water," said Maria. +She had a fine specimen under her hand at the moment, which I suppose +suggested the figure. + +"Then why do they not come as usual, Maria? there were only a few last +night." + +"Dere was so few, it was lonesome," said Maria. + +"Then what is the reason?" + +"Dere is more reasons for t'ings, den Maria can make out," she said +thoughtfully. "Mebbe it's to make 'em love de priv'lege mo'." + +"But what keeps them away, Maria? what hinders?" + +"Chile, de Lord hab His angels, and de debil he hab his ministers; and +dey takes all sorts o' shapes, de angels and de ministers too. I +reckon dere's some work o' dat sort goin' on." + +Maria spoke in a sort of sententious wisdom which did not satisfy me +at all. I thought there was something behind. + +"Who is doing the work, Maria?" I asked, after a minute. + +"Miss Daisy," she said, "dere ain't no happenin' at all widout de Lord +lets it happen. Dere is much contrairy in dis world--fact, dere is; +but I 'spect de Lord make it up to us by'm by." + +And she turned her face full upon me with a smile of so much quiet +resting in that truth, that for just a moment it silenced me. + +"Miss Daisy ain't looking quite so peart as she use to look," Maria +went on. But I slipped away from that diversion. + +"Maria," I said, "you don't tell me what is the matter; and I wish to +know. What keeps the people, Pete, and Eliza, and all, from coming? +What hinders them, Maria? I wish to know." + +Maria busied herself with her fish for a minute, turning and washing +it; then, without looking up from her work, she said, in a lowered +tone,-- + +"'Spect de overseer, he don't hab no favour to such ways and +meetin's." + +"But with _me_?" I said; "and with Aunt Gary's leave?" + +"'Spose he like to fix t'ings his own way," said Maria. + +"Does he forbid them to come?" I asked. + +"I reckon he do," she said, with a sigh. + +Maria was very even-tempered, quiet, and wise, in her own way. Her +sigh went through my heart. I stood thinking what plan I could take. + +"De Lord is berry good, Miss Daisy," she said, cheerily, a moment +after; "and dem dat love Him, dere can be no sort o' separation, no +ways." + +"Does Mr. Edwards forbid them _all_ to come?" I asked. "For a good +many do come." + +"'Spect he don't like de meetin's, nohow," said Maria. + +"But does he tell all the people they must not come?" + +"I reckon he make it oncomfor'ble for 'em," Maria answered gravely. +"Dere is no end o' de mean ways o' sich folks. Know he ain't no +gentleman, nohow!" + +"What does he do, Maria?" I said, trembling, yet unable to keep back +the question. + +"He can do what he please, Miss Daisy," Maria said, in the same grave +way. "'Cept de Lord above, dere no one can hinder--now massa so fur. +Bes' pray de Lord, and mebbe He sen' His angel, some time." + +Maria's fish was ready for the kettle; some of the other servants came +in, and I went with a heavy heart up the stairs. "Massa so fur"--yes! +I knew that; and Mr. Edwards knew it too. Once sailed for China, and +it would be long, long, before my cry for help, in the shape of one of +my little letters, could reach him and get back the answer. My heart +felt heavy as if I could die, while I slowly mounted the stairs to my +room. It was not only that trouble was brought upon my poor friends, +nor even that their short enjoyment of the word of life was hindered +and interrupted; above this and worse than this was the sense of +_wrong_ done to these helpless people, and done by my own father and +mother. This sense was something too bitter for a child of my years to +bear; it crushed me for a time. Our people had a right to the Bible as +great as mine; a right to dispose of themselves as true as my father's +right to dispose of himself. Christ, my Lord, had died for them as +well as for me; and here was my father--_my father_--practically +saying that they should not hear of it, nor know the message He had +sent to them. And if anything could have made this more bitter to me, +it was the consciousness that the _reason_ of it all was that we might +profit by it. Those unpaid hands wrought that our hands might be free +to do nothing; those empty cabins were bare, in order that our houses +might be full of every soft luxury; those unlettered minds were kept +unlettered that the rarest of intellectual wealth might be poured into +our treasury. I knew it. For I had written to my father once to beg +his leave to establish schools, where the people on the plantation +might be taught to read and write. He had sent a very kind answer, +saying it was just like his little Daisy to wish such a thing, and +that his wish was not against it, if it could be done; but that the +laws of the State, and for wise reasons, forbade it. Greatly puzzled +by this, I one day carried my puzzle to Preston. He laughed at me as +usual, but at the same time explained that it would not be safe; for +that if the slaves were allowed books and knowledge, they would soon +not be content with their condition, and would be banding together to +make themselves free. I knew all this, and I had been brooding over +it; and now when the powerful hand of the overseer came in to hinder +the little bit of good and comfort I was trying to give the people, my +heart was set on fire with a sense of sorrow and wrong that, as I +said, no child ought ever to know. + +I think it made me ill. I could not eat. I studied like a machine, and +went and came as Miss Pinshon bade me; all the while brooding by +myself and turning over and over in my heart the furrows of thought +which seemed at first to promise no harvest. Yet those furrows never +break the soil for nothing. In due time the seed fell; and the fruit +of a ripened purpose came to maturity. + +I did not give up my Sunday readings, even although the number of my +hearers grew scantier. As many as could, we met together to read and +to pray, yes, and to sing. And I shall never in this world hear such +singing again. One refrain comes back to me now-- + + "Oh, had I the wings of the morning-- + Oh, had I the wings of the morning-- + Oh, had I the wings of the morning-- + I'd fly to my Jesus away!" + +I used to feel so too, as I listened and sometimes sung with them. + +Meantime, all that I could do with my quarterly ten dollars, I did. +And there was many a little bit of pleasure I could give; what with a +tulip here and a cup of tea there, and a bright handkerchief, or a +pair of shoes. Few of the people had spirit and cultivation enough to +care for the flowers. But Maria cherished some red and white tulips +and a hyacinth in her kitchen window, as if they had been her +children; and to Darry a white rose-tree I had given him seemed almost +to take the place of a familiar spirit. Even grave Pete, whom I only +saw now and then this winter at my readings, nursed and tended and +watched a bed of crocuses with endless delight and care. All the +while, my Sunday circle of friends grew constantly fewer; and the +songs that were sung at our hindered meetings had a spirit in them, +which seemed to me to speak of a deep-lying fire somewhere in the +hearts of the singers, hidden, but always ready to burst into a blaze. +Was it because the fire was burning in my own heart? + +I met one of the two Jems in the pine-avenue one day. He greeted me +with the pleasantest of broad smiles. + +"Jem," said I, "why don't you come to the house Sunday evenings any +more?" + +"It don't 'pear practical, missie." Jem was given to large-sized +words, when he could get hold of them. + +"Mr. Edwards hinders you?" + +"Mass' Ed'ards berry smart man, Miss Daisy. He want massa's work done +up all jus' so." + +"And he says that the prayer-meeting hinders the work, Jem?" + +"Clar, missis, Mass' Ed'ards got long head; he see furder den me," Jem +said, shaking his own head as if the whole thing were beyond him. I +let him go. But a day or two after I attacked Margaret on the subject. +She and Jem, I knew, were particular friends. Margaret was oracular +and mysterious, and looked like a thundercloud. I got nothing from +her, except an increase of uneasiness. I was afraid to go further in +my inquiries; yet could not rest without. The house servants, I knew, +would not be likely to tell me anything that would trouble me if they +could help it. The only exception was mammy Theresa; who with all her +love for me had either less tact, or had grown from long habit +hardened to the state of things in which she had been brought up. From +her, by a little cross questioning, I learned that Jem and others had +been forbidden to come to the Sunday readings; and their disobeying +had been visited with the lash, not once nor twice; till, as mammy +Theresa said, "'peared like it warn't no use to try to be good agin de +devil." + +And papa was away on his voyage to China--away on the high seas, where +no letter could reach him; and Mr. Edwards knew that. There was a fire +in my heart now that burned with sharp pain. I felt as if it would +burn my heart out. And now took shape and form one single aim and +purpose, which became for years the foremost one of my life. It had +been growing and gathering. I set it clear before me from this time. + +Meanwhile, my mother's daughter was not willing to be entirely baffled +by the overseer. I arranged with Darry that I would be at the +cemetery-hill on all pleasant Sunday afternoons, and that all who +wished to hear me read, or who wished to learn themselves, might meet +me there. The Sunday afternoons were often pleasant that winter. I was +constantly at my post; and many a one crept round to me from the +quarters and made his way through the graves and the trees to where I +sat by the iron railing. We were safe there. Nobody but me liked the +place. Miss Pinshon and the overseer agreed in shunning it. And there +was promise in the blue sky, and hope in the soft sunshine, and +sympathy in the sweet rustle of the pine-leaves. Why not? Are they not +all God's voices? And the words of the Book were very precious there, +to me and many another. I was rather more left to myself of late. My +governess gave me my lessons quite as assiduously as ever; but after +lesson-time she seemed to have something else to take her attention. +She did not walk often with me as the spring drew near; and my Sunday +afternoons were absolutely unquestioned. + +One day in March I had gone to my favourite place to get out a +lesson. It was not Sunday afternoon, of course. I was tired with my +day's work, or I was not very strong; for though I had work to do, the +witcheries of nature prevailed with me to put down my book. The scent +of pine-buds and flowers made the air sweet to smell, and the spring +sun made it delicious to feel. The light won its way tenderly among +the trees, touching the white marble tombstones behind me, but resting +with a more gentle ray upon the moss and turf where only little bits +of rough board marked the sleeping-places of our dependants. Just out +of sight, through the still air I could hear the river, in its +rippling, flow past the bank at the top of which I sat. My book hung +in my hand, and the course of Universal History was forgotten, while I +mused and mused over the two sorts of graves that lay around me, the +two races, the diverse fate that attended them, while one blue sky was +over, and one sunlight fell down. And "while I was musing the fire +burned" more fiercely than ever David's had occasion when he wrote +those words, "Then spake I with my tongue." I would have liked to do +that. But I could do nothing; only pray. + +I was very much startled while I sat in my muse to hear a footstep +coming. A steady, regular footstep; no light trip of children; and the +hands were in the field, and this was not a step like any of them. My +first thought was, the overseer's come to spy me out. The next minute +I saw through the trees and the iron railings behind me that it was +not the overseer. I knew _his_ wideawake; and this head was crowned +with some sort of a cap. I turned my head again and sat quiet; willing +to be overlooked, if that might be. The steps never slackened. I heard +them coming round the railing--then just at the corner--I looked up to +see the cap lifted, and a smile coming upon features that I knew; but +my own thoughts were so very far away that my visitor had almost +reached my side before I could recollect who it was. I remember I got +up then in a little hurry. + +"It is Doctor Sandford!" I exclaimed, as his hand took mine. + +"Is it, Daisy?" answered the doctor. + +"I think so," I said. + +"And I _think_ so," he said, looking at me after the old fashion. "Sit +down, and let me make sure." + +"You must sit on the grass, then," I said. + +"Not a bad thing, in such a pleasant place," he rejoined, sending his +blue eye all round my prospect. "But it is not so pleasant a place as +White Lake, Daisy." + +Such a flood of memories and happy associations came rushing into my +mind at these words--he had not given them time to come in slowly. I +suppose my face showed it, for the doctor looked at me and smiled as +he said, "I see it _is_ Daisy; I think it is certainly Daisy. So you +do not like Magnolia?" + +"Yes, I do," I said, wondering where he got that conclusion. "I like +the _place_ very much, if----" + +"I should like to have the finishing of that 'if'--if you have no +objection." + +"I like the _place_," I repeated. "There are some things about it I do +not like." + +"Climate, perhaps?" + +"I did not mean the climate. I do not think I meant anything that +belonged to the place itself." + +"How do you do?" was the doctor's next question. + +"I am very well, sir." + +"How do you know it?" + +"I suppose I am," I said. "I am not sick. I always say I am well." + +"For instance, you are so well that you never get tired?" + +"Oh I get tired very often. I always did." + +"What sort of things make you tired? Do you take too long drives in +your pony-chaise?" + +"I have no pony-chaise now, Dr. Sandford. Loupe was left at Melbourne. +I don't know what became of him." + +"Why didn't you bring him along? But any other pony would do, Daisy." + +"I don't drive at all, Dr. Sandford. My aunt and governess do not like +to have me drive as I used to do. I wish I could!" + +"You would like to use your pony and chaise again?" + +"Very much. I know it would rest me." + +"And you have a governess, Daisy? That is something you had not at +Melbourne." + +"No," I said. + +"A governess is a very nice thing," said the doctor, taking off his +hat and leaning back against the iron railing, "if she knows properly +how to set people to play." + +"To play!" I echoed. "I don't know whether Miss Pinshon approves of +play." + +"Oh! She approves of work then, does she?" + +"She likes work," I answered. + +"Keeps you busy?" + +"Most of the day, sir." + +"The evenings you have to yourself?" + +"Sometimes. Not always. Sometimes I cannot get through with my +lessons, and they stretch on into the evening." + +"How many lessons does this lady think a person of your age and +capacity can manage in the twenty-four hours?" said the doctor, taking +out his knife as he spoke and beginning to trim the thorns off a bit +of sweetbriar he had cut. I stopped to make the reckoning. + +"Give me the course of your day, Daisy. And by-the-by when does your +day begin?" + +"It begins at half past seven, Dr. Sandford." + +"With breakfast?" + +"No, sir. I have a recitation before breakfast." + +"Please of what?" + +"Miss Pinshon always begins with mathematics." + +"As a bitters. Do you find that it gives you an appetite?" + +By this time I was very near bursting into tears. The familiar voice +and way, the old time they brought back, the contrasts they forced +together, the different days of Melbourne and of my Southern home, the +forms and voices of mamma and papa, they all came crowding and +flitting before me. I was obliged to delay my answer. I knew that Dr. +Sandford looked at me; then he went on in a very gentle way-- + +"Sweetbriar is sweet, Daisy,"--putting it to my nose. "I should like +to know how long does mathematics last, before you are allowed to have +coffee?" + +"Mathematics only lasts half an hour. But then I have an hour of study +in mental philosophy before breakfast. We breakfast at nine." + +"It must take a great deal of coffee to wash down all that," said the +doctor, lazily trimming his sweetbriar. "Don't you find that you are +very hungry when you come to breakfast?" + +"No, not generally," I said. + +"How is that? where there is so much sharpening of the wits, people +ought to be sharp otherwise." + +"My wits do not get sharpened," I said, half laughing. "I think they +get dull; and I am often dull altogether by breakfast time." + +"What time in the day do you walk?" + +"In the afternoon, when we have done with the schoolroom. But lately +Miss Pinshon does not walk much." + +"So you take the best of the day for philosophy?" + +"No, sir, for mathematics." + +"Oh! Well, Daisy, _after_ philosophy and mathematics have both had +their turn, what then?--when breakfast is over." + +"Oh, they have two or three more turns in the course of the day," I +said. "Astronomy comes after breakfast; then Smith's 'Wealth of +Nations;' then chemistry. Then I have a long history lesson to recite; +then French. After dinner we have natural philosophy, and physical +geography and mathematics; and then we have generally done." + +"And then what is left of you goes to walk," said the doctor. + +"No, not very often now," I said. "I don't know why--Miss Pinshon has +very much given up walking of late." + +"Then what becomes of you?" + +"I do not often want to do much of anything," I said. "To-day I came +here." + +"With a book," said the doctor. "Is it work or play?" + +"My history lesson," I said, showing the book. "I had not quite time +enough at home." + +"How much of a lesson, for instance?" said the doctor, taking the book +and turning over the leaves. + +"I had to make a synopsis of the state of Europe from the third +century to the tenth--synchronising the events and the names." + +"In writing?" + +"I might write it if I chose, I often do, but I had to give the +synopsis from memory." + +"Does it take long to prepare, Daisy?" said the doctor, still turning +over the leaves. + +"Pretty long," I said, "when I am stupid. Sometimes I _cannot_ do the +synchronising, my head gets so thick; and I have to take two or three +days for it." + +"Don't you get punished for letting your head get thick?" + +"Sometimes I do." + +"And what is the system of punishment at Magnolia for such deeds?" + +"I am kept in the house for the rest of the afternoon sometimes," I +said; "or I have an extra problem in mathematics to get out for the +next morning." + +"And _that_ keeps you in, if the governess don't." + +"Oh no," I said; "I never can work at it then. I get up earlier the +next morning." + +"Do you do nothing for exercise but those walks, which you do not +take?" + +"I used to ride last year," I said; "and this year I was stronger, and +Miss Pinshon gave me more studies; and somehow I have not cared to +ride so much. I have felt more like being still." + +"You must have grown tremendously wise, Daisy," said the doctor, +looking round at me now with his old pleasant smile. I cannot tell the +pleasure and comfort it was to me to see him; but I think I said +nothing. + +"It is near the time now when you always leave Magnolia, is it not?" + +"Very near now." + +"Would it trouble you to have the time a little anticipated?" + +I looked at him, in much doubt what this might mean. The doctor +fumbled in his breast pocket and fetched out a letter. + +"Just before your father sailed for China, he sent me this. It was +some time before it reached me; and it was some time longer before I +could act upon it." + +He put a letter in my hand, which I, wondering, read. It said, the +letter did, that papa was not at ease about me; that he was not +satisfied with my aunt's report of me, nor with the style of my late +letters; and begged Dr. Sandford would run down to Magnolia at his +earliest convenience and see me, and make inquiry as to my well-being; +and if he found things not satisfactory, as my father feared he might, +and judge that the rule of Miss Pinshon had not been good for me on +the whole, my father desired that Dr. Sandford would take measures to +have me removed to the North and placed in one of the best schools +there to be found; such a one as Mrs. Sandford might recommend. The +letter further desired that Dr. Sandford would keep a regular watch +over my health, and suffer no school training nor anything else to +interfere with it; expressing the writer's confidence that Dr. +Sandford knew better than any one what was good for me. + +"So you see, Daisy," the doctor said, when I handed him back the +letter, "your father has constituted me in some sort your guardian +until such time as he comes back." + +"I am very glad," I said, smiling. + +"Are you? That is kind. I am going to act upon my authority +immediately, and take you away." + +"From Magnolia?" I said breathlessly. + +"Yes. Wouldn't you like to go and see Melbourne again for a little +while?" + +"Melbourne!" said I; and I remember how my cheeks grew warm. +"But--will Miss Pinshon go to Melbourne?" + +"No; she will not. Nor anywhere else, Daisy, with my will and +permission, where you go. Will that distress you very much?" + +I could not say yes, and I believe I made no answer, my thoughts were +in such a whirl. + +"Is Mrs. Sandford in Melbourne--I mean, near Melbourne--now?" I asked +at length. + +"No, she is in Washington. But she will be going to the old place +before long. Would you like to go, Daisy?" + +I could hardly tell him. I could hardly think. It began to rush over +me, that this parting from Magnolia was likely to be for a longer time +than usual. The river murmured by--the sunlight shone on the groves on +the hillside. Who would look after my poor people? + +"You like Magnolia after all?" said the doctor. "I do not wonder, so +far as Magnolia goes, you are sorry to leave it." + +"No," I said, "I am not sorry at all to leave Magnolia; I am very +glad. I am only sorry to leave--some friends." + +"Friends?" said the doctor. + +"Yes." + +"How many friends?" + +"I don't know," said I. "I think there are a hundred or more." + +"Seriously?" + +"Oh yes," I said. "They are all on the place here." + +"How long will you want, Daisy, to take proper leave of these +friends?" + +I had no idea he was in such practical haste; but I found it was so. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +EGYPTIAN GLASS. + + +It became necessary for me to think how soon I could be ready, and +arrange to get my leave-takings over by a certain time. Dr. Sandford +could not wait for me. He was an army surgeon now, I found, and +stationed at Washington. He had to return to his post and leave Miss +Pinshon to bring me up to Washington. I fancy matters were easily +arranged with Miss Pinshon. She was as meek as a lamb. But it never +was her way to fight against circumstances. The doctor ordered that I +should come up to Washington in a week or two. + +I did not know till he was gone what a hard week it was going to be. + +As soon as he had turned his back upon Magnolia, my leave-takings +began. I may say they began sooner; for in the morning after his +arrival, when Margaret was in my room, she fell to questioning me +about the truth of the rumour that had reached the kitchen. Jem said I +was going away, not to come back. I do not know how he had got hold of +the notion. And when I told her it was true, she dropped the pine +splinters out of her hands, and rising to her feet, besought me that I +would take her with me. So eagerly she besought me, that I had much +difficulty to answer. + +"I shall be in a school, Margaret," I said. "I could not have anybody +there to wait on me." + +"Miss Daisy won't never do everything for herself?" + +"Yes, I must," I said. "All the girls do." + +"I'd hire out then, Miss Daisy, while you don't want me--I'd be right +smart--and I'd bring all my earnin's to you regular. 'Deed I will! +Till Miss Daisy want me herself." + +I felt my cheeks flush. She would bring _her_ earnings to _me_. Yes, +that was what we were doing. + +"'Clar, Miss Daisy, do don't leave me behind! I could take washin' and +do all Miss Daisy's things up right smart--don't believe they knows +how to do things up there!--I'll come to no good if I don't go with +Miss Daisy, sure." + +"You can be good here as well as anywhere, Margaret," I said. + +"Miss Daisy don' know. Miss Daisy, s'pose the devil walkin' round +about a place; think it a nice place fur to be good in?" + +"The devil is not in Magnolia more than anywhere else," I said. + +"Dere Mass' Edwards--" Margaret said half under her breath. Even in my +room she would not speak the name out loud. + +The end of it was, that I wrote up to Washington to Dr. Sandford to +ask if I might take the girl with me; and his answer came back, that +if it were any pleasure to me I certainly might. So that matter was +settled. But the parting with the rest was hard. I do not know +whether it was hardest for them or for me. Darry blessed me and prayed +for me. Maria wept over me. Theresa mourned and lamented. Tears and +wailings came from all the poor women who knew me best and used to +come to the Sunday readings: and Pete took occasion to make private +request, that when I was grown, or when at any time I should want a +manservant, I would remember and send for him. He could do anything, +he said; he could drive horses or milk cows or take care of a garden, +or _cook_. It was said in a subdued voice, and though with a gleam of +his white circle of teeth at the last-mentioned accomplishment, it was +said with a depth of grave earnestness which troubled me. I promised +as well as I could; but my heart was very sore for my poor people, +left now without anybody, even so much as a child, to look after their +comfort and give them any hopes for one world or the other. + +Those heavy days were done at last. Margaret was speedy with my +packing; a week from the time of Dr. Sandford's coming, I had said my +last lesson to Miss Pinshon, read my last reading to my poor people, +shaken the last hand-shakings; and we were on the little steamer +plying down the Sands river. + +I think I was wearied out, for I remember no excitement or interest +about the journey, which ought to have had so much for me. In a +passive state of mind I followed Miss Pinshon from steamer to station; +from one train of cars to another; and saw the familiar landscape flit +before me as the cars whirled us on. At Baytown we had been joined by +a gentleman who went with us all the rest of the way; and I began by +degrees to comprehend that my governess had changed her vocation, and +instead of taking care, as heretofore, was going to be taken care of. +It did not interest me. I saw it, that was all. I saw Margaret's +delight, too, shown by every quick and thoughtful movement that could +be of any service to me, and by a certain inexpressible air of +deliverance which sat on her, I cannot tell how, from her bonnet down +to her shoes. But her delight reminded me of those that were not +delivered. + +I think of all the crushing griefs that a young person can be called +to bear, one of the sorest is the feeling of wrongdoing on the part of +a beloved father or mother. I was sure that my father, blinded by old +habit and bound by the laws of the country, did not in the least +degree realise the true state of the matter. I knew that the real +colour of his gold had never been seen by him. Not the less, _I_ knew +now that it was bloody; and what was worse, though I do not know _why_ +it should be worse, I knew that it was soiled. I knew that greed and +dishonour were the two collectors of our revenue, and _wrong_ our +agent. Do I use strong words? They are not too strong for the feelings +which constantly bore upon my heart, nor too bitter; though my +childish heart never put them into such words at the time. That my +father did not know, saved my love and reverence for him; but it did +not change anything else. + +In the last stage of our journey, as we left a station where the train +had stopped, I noticed a little book left on one of the empty seats of +the car. It lay there and nobody touched it: till we were leaving the +car at Alexandria and almost everybody had gone out, and I saw that it +lay there still and nobody would claim it. In passing I took it up. It +was a neat little book, with gilt edges, no name in it, and having its +pages numbered for the days of the year. And each page was full of +Bible words. It looked nice. I put the book in my pocket; and on board +the ferry-boat opened it again, and looked for the date of the day in +March where we were. I found the words--"He preserveth the way of his +saints." They were the words heading the page. I had not time for +another bit; but as I left the boat this went into my heart like a +cordial. + +It was a damp, dark morning. The air was chill as we left the little +boat cabin; the streets were dirty; there was a confusion of people +seeking carriages or porters or baggage or custom; then suddenly I +felt as if I had lighted on a tower of strength, for Dr. Sandford +stood at my side. A good-humoured sort of a tower he looked to me, in +his steady, upright bearing; and his military coat helped the +impression of that. I can see now his touch of his cap to Miss +Pinshon, and then the quick glance which took in Margaret and me. In +another minute I had shaken hands with my governess, and was in a +carriage with Margaret opposite me; and Dr. Sandford was giving my +baggage in charge to somebody. And then he took his place beside me +and we drove off. And I drew a long breath. + +"Punctual to your time, Daisy," said the doctor. "But what made you +choose such a time? How much of yourself have you left by the way?" + +"Miss Pinshon liked better to travel all night," I said, "because +there was no place where she liked to stop to spend the night." + +"What was your opinion on that subject?" + +"I was more tired than she was, I suppose." + +"Has she managed things on the same system for the four years past?" + +The doctor put the question with such a cool gravity, that I could not +help laughing. Yet I believe my laughing was very near crying. At +first he did so put me in mind of all that was about me when I used +to see him in that time long before. And an inexpressible feeling of +comfort was in his presence now; a feeling of being taken care of. I +had been looked after, undoubtedly, all these years--sharply looked +after; there was never a night that I could go to sleep without my +governess coming in to see that I was in my room, or in bed, and my +clothes in order, and my light where it ought to be. And my aunt had +not forgotten me, nor her perplexities about me. And Preston had +petted me when he was near. But even Preston sometimes lost sight of +me in the urgency of his own pleasure or business. There was a great +difference in the strong hand of Dr. Sandford's care; and if you had +ever looked into his blue eyes, you would know that they forgot +nothing. They had always fascinated me; they did now. + +Mrs. Sandford was not up when we got to the house where she was +staying. It was no matter, for a room was ready for me; and Dr. +Sandford had a nice little breakfast brought, and saw me eat it, just +as if I were a patient. Then he ordered me to bed, and charged +Margaret to watch over me, and he went away, as he said, till luncheon +time. + +I drew two or three long breaths as Margaret was undressing me; I felt +so comfortable. + +"Are Miss Pinshon done gone away, Miss Daisy?" my handmaid asked. + +"From Magnolia? yes." + +"Where she gwine to?" + +"I don't know." + +"Then she don't go furder along the way we're goin'?" + +"No. I wonder, Margaret, if they will have any prayer-meetings in +Magnolia now?" For with the mention of Magnolia my thoughts swept +back. + +"'Spect the overseer have his ugly old way!" Margaret uttered with +great disgust. "Miss Daisy done promise me, I go 'long with Miss +Daisy?" she added. + +"Yes. But what makes _you_ want to get away from home more than all +the rest of them?" + +"Reckon I'd done gone kill myself, s'pose Miss Daisy leave me there," +the girl said gloomily. "If dey send me down South, I _would_." + +"Send you South!" I said; "they would not do that, Margaret." + +"Dere was man wantin' to buy me--give mighty high price, de overseer +said." In excitement Margaret's tongue sometimes grew thick, like +those of her neighbours. + +"Mr. Edwards has no right to sell anybody away from the place," I +insisted, in mixed unbelief and horror. + +"Dunno," said Margaret. "Don't make no difference, Miss Daisy. Who +care what he do? Dere's Pete's wife--" + +"Pete's wife?" said I. "I didn't know Pete was married! What of Pete's +wife?" + +"Dat doctor will kill me, for sure!" said Margaret, looking at me. +"Do, don't, Miss Daisy! The doctor say you must go right to bed, now. +See! you ain't got your clothes off." + +"Stop," said I. "What about Pete's wife?" + +"I done forget. I thought Miss Daisy knowed. Mebbe it's before Miss +Daisy come home." + +"What?" said I. "What?" + +"It's nothin', Miss Daisy. The overseer he done got mad with Pete's +wife and he sold her down South, he did." + +"Away from Pete?" said I. + +"Pete, he's to de old place," said Margaret, laconically. "'Spect he +forgot all about it by dis time. Miss Daisy please have her clothes +off and go to bed?" + +There was nothing more to wait for. I submitted, was undressed; but +the rest and sleep which had been desired were far out of reach now. +Pete's wife?--my good, strong, gentle, and I remembered always +_grave_, Pete! My heart was on fire with indignation and torn to +pieces with sorrow, both at once. Torn with the helpless feeling too +that I could not mend the wrong. I do not mean this individual wrong, +but the whole state of things under which such wrong was possible. I +was restless on my bed, though very weary. I would rather have been up +and doing something, than to lie and look at my trouble; only that +being there kept me out of the way of seeing people and of talking. +Such things done under my father and mother's own authority,--on their +own land--to their own helpless dependants; whom yet it was _they_ +made helpless and kept subject to such possibilities. I turned and +tossed, feeling that I _must_ do something, while yet I knew I could +do nothing. Pete's wife! And where was she now? And _that_ was the +secret of the unvarying grave shadow that Pete's brow always wore. And +now that I had quitted Magnolia, no human friend for the present +remained to all that crowd of poor and ignorant and needy humanity. +Even their comfort of prayer forbidden; except such comfort as each +believer might take by himself alone. + +I did not know, I never did know till long after, how to many at +Magnolia that prohibition wrought no harm. I think Margaret knew, and +even then did not dare tell me. How the meetings for prayer were not +stopped. How watch was kept on certain nights, till all stir had +ceased in the little community; till lights were out in the overseer's +house (and at the great house, while we were there); and how then, +silently and softly from their several cabins, the people stole away +through the woods to a little hill beyond the cemetery, quite far out +of hearing or ken of anybody; and there prayed, and sang too, and +"praised God and shouted," as my informant told me; not neglecting all +the while to keep a picket watch about their meeting-place, to give +the alarm in case anybody should come. So under the soft moonlight +skies and at depth of night, the meetings which I had supposed broken +up, took new life, and grew, and lived; and prayers did not fail; and +the Lord hearkened and heard. + +It would have comforted me greatly if I could have known this at the +time. But, as I said, I supposed Margaret dared not tell me. After a +long time of weary tossing and heartache, sleep came at last to me; +but it brought Pete and his wife and the overseer and Margaret in new +combinations of trouble; and I got little refreshment. + +"Now you have waked up, Miss Daisy?" said Margaret when I opened my +eyes. "That poundin' noise has done waked you!" + +"What noise?" + +"It's no Christian noise," said Margaret. "What's the use of turnin' +the house into a clap of thunder like that? But a man was makin' it o' +purpose, for I went out to see; and he telled me it was to call folks +to luncheon. Will you get up, Miss Daisy?" + +Margaret spoke as if she thought I had much better lie still; but I +was weary of the comfort I had found there and disposed to try +something else. I had just time to be ready before Dr. Sandford came +for me and took me to his sister-in-law. Mrs. Sandford welcomed me +with great kindness, even tenderness; exclaimed at my growth; but I +saw by her glance at the doctor that my appearance in other respects +struck her unfavourably. He made no answer to that, but carried us off +to the luncheon-room. + +There were other people lodging in the house besides my friends; a +long table was spread. Dr. Sandford, I saw, was an immense favourite. +Questions and demands upon his attention came thick and fast from both +ends and all sides of the table; about all sorts of subjects and in +all manner of tones, grave and gay. And he was at home to them all, +but in the midst of it never forgot me. He took careful heed to my +luncheon; prepared one thing, and called for another; it reminded me +of a time long gone by; but it did not help me to eat. I could not +eat. The last thing he did was to call for a fresh raw egg, and break +it into a half glass of milk. With this in his hand we left the +dining-room. As soon as we got to Mrs. Sandford's parlour he gave it +to me and ordered me to swallow it. I suppose I looked dismayed. + +"Poor child!" said Mrs. Sandford. "Let me have it beaten up for her, +Grant, with some sugar; she can't take it so." + +"Daisy has done harder things," he said. + +I saw he expected me to drink it, and so I did, I do not know how. + +"Thank you," he said smiling, as he took the glass. "Now sit down and +I will talk to you." + +"How she is growing tall, Grant!" said Mrs. Sandford. + +"Yes," said he. "Did you sleep well, Daisy?" + +"No, sir; I couldn't sleep. And then I dreamed." + +"Dreaming is not a proper way of resting. So tired you could not +sleep?" + +"I do not think it was that, Dr. Sandford." + +"Do you know what it was?" + +"I think I do," I said, a little unwillingly. + +"She is getting very much the look of her mother," Mrs. Sandford +remarked again. "Don't you see it, Grant?" + +"I see more than that," he answered. "Daisy, do you think this +governess of yours has been a good governess?" + +I looked wearily out of the window, and cast a weary mental look over +the four years of algebraics and philosophy at the bright little child +I saw at the further end of them. + +"I think I have grown dull, Dr. Sandford," I said. + +He came up behind me, and put his arms round me, taking my hand in +his, and spoke in quite a different tone. + +"Daisy, have you found many 'wonderful things' at Magnolia?" + +I looked up, I remember, with the eagerness of a heart full of +thoughts, in his face; but I could not speak then. + +"Have you looked through a microscope since you have been there, and +made discoveries?" + +"Not in natural things, Dr. Sandford." + +"Ha!" said the doctor. "Do you want to go and take a drive with me?" + +"Oh yes!" + +"Go and get ready then, please." + +I had a very pleasant, quiet drive; the doctor showing me, as he said, +not wonderful things but new things, and taking means to amuse me. And +every day for several days I had a drive. Sometimes we went to the +country, sometimes got out and examined something in the city. There +was a soothing relief in it all, and in the watchful care taken of me +at home, and the absence of mathematics and philosophy. All day when +not driving or at meals, I lay on Mrs. Sandford's sofa or curled +myself up in the depth of a great easy-chair, and turned over her +books; or studied my own blue book which I had picked up in the car, +and which was so little I had Margaret to make a big pocket in my +frock to hold it. But this life was not to last. A few days was all +Mrs. Sandford had to spend in Washington. + +The place I liked best to go to was the Capitol. Several times Dr. +Sandford took me there, and showed me the various great rooms, and +paintings, and smaller rooms with their beautiful adornments; and I +watched the workmen at work; for the renewing of the building was not +yet finished. As long as he had time to spare, Dr. Sandford let me +amuse myself as I would; and often got me into talks which refreshed +me more than anything. Still, though I was soothed, my trouble at +heart was not gone. One day we were sitting looking at the pictures in +the great vestibule, when Dr. Sandford suddenly started a subject +which put the Capitol out of my head. + +"Daisy," said he, "was it your wish or Margaret's, that she should go +North with you?" + +"Hers," I said, startled. + +"Then it is not yours particularly." + +"Yes, it is, Dr. Sandford, _very_ particularly." + +"How is that?" said he. + +I hesitated. I shrank from the whole subject; it was so extremely sore +to me. + +"I ought to warn you," he went on, "that if you take her further, she +may, if she likes, leave you, and claim her freedom. That is the law. +If her owner takes her into the free States, she may remain in them if +she will, whether he does or not." + +I was silent still, for the whole thing choked me. I was quite +willing she should have her freedom, get it any way she could; but +there was my father, and his pleasure and interest, which might not +choose to lose a piece of his property; and my mother and _her_ +interest and pleasure; I knew what both would be. I was dumb. + +"You had not thought of this before?" the doctor went on. + +"No, sir." + +"Does it not change your mind about taking her on?" + +"No, sir." + +"Did it ever occur to you, or rather, does it not occur to you now, +that the girl's design in coming may have been this very purpose of +her freedom?" + +"I do not think it was," I said. + +"Even if not, it will be surely put in her head by other people before +she has been at the North long; and she will know that she is her own +mistress." + +I was silent still. I knew that I wished she might. + +"Do you think," Dr. Sandford went on, "that in this view of the case +we had better send her back to Magnolia when you leave Washington?" + +"No," I said. + +"I think it would be better," he repeated. + +"Oh, no!" I said. "Oh, no, Dr. Sandford. I can't send her back. You +will not send her back, will you?" + +"Be quiet," he said, holding fast the hand which in my earnestness I +had put in his; "she is not my servant; she is yours; it is for you to +say what you will do." + +"I will not send her back," I said. + +"But it may be right to consider what would be Mr. Randolph's wish on +the subject. If you take her, he may lose several hundred dollars' +worth of property: it is right for me to warn you. Would he choose to +run the risk?" + +I remember now what a fire at my heart sent the blood to my face. But +with my hand in Dr. Sandford's, and those blue eyes of his reading me, +I could not keep back my thought. + +"She ought to be her own mistress," I said. + +A brilliant flash of expression filled the blue eyes and crossed +his face--I could hardly tell what, before it was gone. Quick +surprise--pleasure--amusement--agreement; the first and the two last +certainly; and the pleasure I could not help fancying had lent its colour +to that ray of light which had shot for one instant from those +impenetrable eyes. He spoke just as usual. + +"But, Daisy, have you studied this question?" + +"I think I have studied nothing else, Dr. Sandford." + +"You know the girl is not yours, but your father's." + +"She isn't anybody's," I said slowly, and with slow tears gathering in +my heart. + +"How do you mean?" said he, with again the quiver of a smile upon his +lips. + +"I mean," I said, struggling with my thoughts and myself, "I mean that +nobody could have a right to her." + +"Did not her parents belong to your father?" + +"To my mother." + +"Then she does." + +"But, Dr. Sandford," I said, "nobody _can_ belong to anybody--in that +way." + +"How do you make it out, Daisy?" + +"Because nobody can give anybody a _right_ to anybody else in that +way." + +"Does it not give your mother a right, that the mother of this girl +and her grandmother were the property of your ancestors?" + +"They could not be their property justly," I said, glad to get back to +my ancestors. + +"The law made it so." + +"Not God's law, Dr. Sandford," I said, looking up at him. + +"No? Does not that law give a man a right to what he has honestly +bought?" + +"No," I said, "it _can't_--not if it has been dishonestly sold." + +"Explain, Daisy," said Dr. Sandford, very quietly; but I saw the gleam +of that light in his eye again. I had gone too far to stop. I went on, +ready to break my heart over the right and wrong I was separating. + +"I mean, the _first_ people that sold the first of these coloured +people," I said. + +"Well?" said the doctor. + +"They could not have a right to sell them." + +"Yes. Well?" + +"Then the people that bought them could not have a right, any more," I +said. + +"But, Daisy," said Dr. Sandford, "do you know that there are different +opinions on this very point?" + +I was silent. It made no difference to me. + +"Suppose for the moment that the first people, as you say, had no +precise right to sell the men and women they brought to this country; +yet those who bought them and paid honest money for them, and +possessed them from generation to generation--had not _they_ a right +to pass them off upon other hands, receiving their money back again?" + +"I don't know how to explain it," I said. "I mean--if at first--Dr. +Sandford, hadn't the people that were sold, hadn't they rights too?" + +"Rights of what sort?" + +"A right to do what they liked with themselves, and to earn money, and +to keep their wives?" + +"But those rights were lost, you know, Daisy." + +"But _could_ they be?" I said. "I mean--Dr. Sandford, for instance, +suppose somebody stole your watch from you; would you lose the right +to it?" + +"It _seems_ to me that I should not, Daisy." + +"That is what I mean," I said. + +"But there is another view of the case, Daisy. Take Margaret, for +instance. From the time she was a child, your father's, or your +mother's money has gone to support her; her food and clothing and +living have been wholly at their expense. Does not that give them a +right to her services? ought they not to be repaid?" + +I did not want to speak of my father and mother and Margaret. It was +coming too near home. I knew the food and clothing Dr. Sandford spoke +of; I knew a very few months of a Northern servant's wages would have +paid for it all; was this girl's whole life to be taken from her, and +by my father and mother, and for such a cause? The feeling of grief +and wrong and shame got possession of me. I was ready to break my +heart in tears; but I could not show Dr. Sandford what I felt, nor +confess to what I thought of my father's action. I had the greatest +struggle with myself not to give way and cry. I was very weak bodily, +but I know I stood still and did not shed a tear; till I felt Dr. +Sandford's hands take hold of me. They put me gently back in the chair +from which I had risen. + +"What is the matter, Daisy?" he said. + +I would not speak, and he did not urge it; but I saw that he watched +me till I gained command of myself again. + +"Shall we go home now?" he asked. + +"In a minute. Dr. Sandford, I do not think papa knows about all +this--I do not think he knows about it as I do. I am sure he does not; +and when he knows he will think as I do." + +"Or perhaps you will think as he does." + +I was silent. I wondered if that could be possible--if I too could +have my eyes blinded as I saw other people's were. + +"Little Daisy," said my friend the doctor, "but you are getting to be +not _little_ Daisy. How old are you?" + +"I shall be fourteen in June." + +"Fourteen. Well, it is no wonder that my friend whom I left a +philosopher at ten years old, I should find a woman at fourteen; but +Daisy, you must not take it on your heart that you have to teach all +the ignorant and help all the distressed that come in your way; +because simply you cannot do it." + +I looked up at him. I could not tell him what I thought, because he +would not, I feared, understand it. Christ came to do just such work, +and His servants must have it on their hearts to do the same. I cannot +tell what was in my look, but I thought the doctor's face changed. + +"One Molly Skelton will do for one four years," he said as he rose up. +"Come, Daisy." + +"But, Dr. Sandford," I said, as I followed him, "you will not do +anything about sending Margaret back?" + +"Nothing, till you do, Daisy." + +Arrived at home, the doctor made me drink a raw egg, and lie down on +Mrs. Sandford's sofa; and he sat down and looked at me. + +"You are the most troublesome patient that ever I had," said he. + +"I am?" I exclaimed. + +"Yes. Quite innocently. You cannot help it, Daisy; and you need not be +troubled about it. It is all in the way of my profession. It is as if +a delicate vessel of Egyptian glass were put to do the work of an iron +smelting furnace; and I have to think of all the possible bands and +hardening appliances that can be brought into use for the occasion." + +"I do not understand," I said. + +"No; I suppose not. That is the worst of it." + +"But why am I an _Egyptian_ glass?" I asked. "I am not very old." + +The doctor gave me one of those quick, bright glances and smiles that +were very pleasant to get from him and not very common. There came a +sort of glow and sparkle in his blue eye then, and a wonderful winsome +and gracious trick of the lips. + +"It is a very doubtful sort of a compliment," said Mrs. Sandford. + +"I did not mean it for a compliment at all," said the doctor. + +"I don't believe you did," said his sister; "but what _did_ you mean? +Grant, I should like to hear you pay a compliment for once." + +"You do not know Egyptian glass," said the doctor. + +"No. What was it?" + +"Very curious." + +"Didn't I say that you couldn't pay compliments?" said Mrs. Sandford. + +"And unlike any that is made nowadays. There were curious patterns +wrought in the glass, made, it is supposed, by the fusing together of +rods of glass, extremely minute, of different colours; so that the +pattern once formed was ineffaceable and indestructible, unless by the +destruction of the vessel which contained it. Sometimes a layer of +gold was introduced between the layers of glass." + +"How very curious!" said Mrs. Sandford. + +"I think I must take you into consultation, Daisy," the doctor went +on, turning to me. "It is found that there must be a little delay +before you can go up to take a look at Melbourne. Mrs. Sandford is +obliged to stop in New York with a sick sister; how long she may be +kept there it is impossible to say. Now you would have a dull time, I +am afraid; and I am in doubt whether it would not be pleasanter for +you to enter school at once. In about three months the school term +will end and the summer vacation begin; by that time Mrs. Sandford +will be at home and the country ready to receive you. But you shall do +whichever you like best." + +"Mrs. Sandford will be in New York," I said. + +"Yes." + +"And I would see you constantly, dear, and have you with me all the +Saturdays and Sundays and holidays. And if you like it better, you +shall be with me all the time; only I should be obliged to leave you +alone too much." + +"How long does the summer vacation last?" I inquired. + +"Till some time in September. You can enter school now or then, as you +choose." + +I thought and hesitated, and said I would enter at once. Dr. Sandford +said I was not fit for it, but it was on the whole the best plan. So +it was arranged, that I should just wait a day or two in New York to +get my wardrobe in order and then begin my school experience. + +But my thoughts went back afterwards, more than once, to the former +conversation; and I wondered what it was about me that made Dr. +Sandford liken me to Egyptian glass. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +SHOPPING. + + +It was settled that I should wait a day or two in New York to get my +wardrobe arranged, and then begin my school experience. But when we +got to New York, we found Mrs. Sandford's sister so ill as to claim +her whole time. There was none to spare for me and my wardrobe. Mrs. +Sandford said I must attend to it myself as well as I could, and the +doctor would go with me. He was off duty, he reported, and at leisure +for ladies' affairs. Mrs. Sandford told me what I would need. A warm +school dress, she said; for the days would be often cold in this +latitude until May, and even later; and schoolrooms not always warm. A +warm dress for every day was the first thing. A fine merino, Mrs. +Sandford said, would be, she thought, what my mother would choose. I +had silks which might be warm enough for other occasions. Then I must +have a thick coat or cloak. Long coats, with sleeves, were fashionable +then, she told me; the doctor would take me where I would find plenty +to choose from. And I needed a hat, or a bonnet. Unless, Mrs. +Sandford said, I chose to wear my riding-cap with the feather; that +was warm, and very pretty, and would do. + +How much would it all cost? I asked. Mrs. Sandford made a rapid +calculation. The merino would be two dollars a yard, she said; the +coat might be got for thirty-five or thereabouts sufficiently good; +the hat was entirely what I chose to make it. "But you know, my dear," +Mrs. Sandford said, "the sort of quality and style your mother likes, +and you will be guided by that." + +Must I be guided by that?--I questioned with myself. Yes, I knew. I +knew very well; but I had other things to think of. I pondered. While +I was pondering, Dr. Sandford was quietly opening his pocket-book and +unfolding a roll of bills. He put a number of them into my hand. + +"That will cover it all, Daisy," he said. "It is money your father has +made over to my keeping, for this and similar purposes." + +"Oh, thank you!" I said, breathless; and then I counted the bills. +"Oh, thank you, Dr. Sandford: but may I spend all this?" + +"Certainly. Mr. Randolph desired it should go, this and more of it, to +your expenses, of whatever kind. This covers my sister's estimate, and +leaves something for your pocket besides." + +"And when shall we go?" I asked. + +"To spend it? Now, if you like. Why, Daisy, I did not know--" + +"What, sir?" I said as he paused. + +"Really, nothing," he said, smiling. "Somehow I had not fancied that +you shared the passion of your sex for what they call _shopping_. You +are all alike in some things." + +"I like it very much to-day," I said. + +"It would be safe for you to keep Daisy's money in your own pocket, +Grant," Mrs. Sandford said. "It will be stolen from her, certainly." + +The doctor smiled and stretched out his hand; I put the bills into it: +and away we went. My head was very busy. I knew, as Mrs. Sandford +said, the sort and style of purchases my mother would make and +approve; but then on the other hand the remembrance was burnt into me, +whence that money came which I was expected to spend so freely, and +what other uses and calls for it there were, even in the case of those +very people whose hands had earned it for us. Not to go further, +Margaret's wardrobe needed refitting quite as much as mine. She was +quite as unaccustomed as I to the chills and blasts of a cold climate, +and fully as unfurnished to meet them. I had seen her draw her thin +checked shawl around her, when I knew it was not enough to save her +from the weather, and that she had no more. And her gowns, of thin +cotton stuff, such as she wore about her housework at Magnolia, were a +bare provision against the nipping bite of the air here at the North. +Yet nobody spoke of any addition to _her_ stock of clothes. It was on +my heart alone. But now it was in my hand too, and I felt very glad; +though just how to manage Dr. Sandford I did not know. I thought a +great deal about the whole matter as we went through the streets; as I +had also thought long before; and my mind was clear, that while so +many whom I knew needed the money, or while _any_ whom I knew needed +it, I would spend no useless dollars upon myself. How should I manage +Dr. Sandford? There he was, my cash-keeper; and I had not the least +wish to unfold my plans to him. + +"I suppose the dress is the first thing, Daisy," he said, as we +entered the great establishment where everything was to be had; and he +inquired for the counter where we should find merinoes. I had no +objection ready. + +"What colour, Daisy?" + +"I want something quiet," I said. + +"Something dark," said the doctor, seating himself. "And fine quality. +Not green, Daisy, if I might advise. It is too cold." + +"Cold!" said I. + +"For this season. It is a very nice colour in summer, Daisy," he said, +smiling. + +And he looked on in a kind of amused way, while the clerk of the +merinoes and I confronted each other. There was displayed now before +me a piece of claret-coloured stuff, dark and bright; a lovely tint +and a very beautiful piece of goods. I knew enough of the matter to +know that. Fine and thick and lustrous, it just suited my fancy; I +knew it was just what my mother would buy; I saw Dr. Sandford's eye +watch me in its amusement with a glance of expectation. But the stuff +was two dollars and a quarter a yard. Yes, it suited me exactly; but +what was to become of others if I were covered so luxuriously? And how +could I save money if I spent it? It was hard to speak, too, before +that shopman, who held the merino in his hand, expecting me to say I +would take it; but I had no way to escape that trouble. I turned from +the rich folds of claret stuff to the doctor at my side. + +"Dr. Sandford," I said, "I want to get something that will not cost so +much." + +"Does it not please you?" he asked. + +"Yes; I like it: but I want some stuff that will not cost so much." + +"This is not far above my sister's estimate, Daisy." + +"No--" I said. + +"And the difference is a trifle--if you like the piece." + +"I like it," I said; "but it is very much above _my_ estimate." + +"You had one of your own!" said the doctor. "Do you like something +else here better?--or what is your estimate, Daisy?" + +"I do not want a poor merino," I said. "I would rather get some other +stuff--if I can. I do not want to give more than a dollar." + +"The young lady may find what will suit her at the plaid counter," +said the shopman, letting fall the rich drapery he had been holding +up. "Just round that corner, sir, to the left." + +Dr. Sandford led the way, and I followed. There certainly I found +plenty of warm stuffs, in various patterns and colours, and with +prices as various. But nothing to match the grave elegance of those +claret folds. It was coming down a step, to leave that counter for +this. I knew it perfectly well; while I sought out the simplest and +prettiest dark small plaid I could find. + +"Do you like these things better?" the doctor asked me privately. + +"No, sir," I said. + +"Then why come here, Daisy? Pardon me, may I ask?" + +"I have other things to get, Dr. Sandford," I said low. + +"But Daisy!" said the doctor, rousing up, "I have performed my part +ill. You are not restricted--your father has not restricted you. I am +your banker for whatever sums you may need--for whatever purposes." + +"Yes," I said, "I know. Oh no, I know papa has not restricted you; but +I think I ought not to spend any more. It is my own affair." + +"And not mine. Pardon me, Daisy; I submit." + +"Please, Dr. Sandford, don't speak so!" I said. "I don't mean that. I +mean, it is my own affair and not papa's." + +"Certainly, I have no more to say," said the doctor, smiling. + +"I will tell you all about it," I said; and then I desired the shopman +to cut off the dress I had fixed upon; and we went upstairs to look +for cloaks, I feeling hot and confused and half perplexed. I had never +worn such a dress as this plaid I had bought in my life. It was nice +and good, and pretty too; but it did not match the quality or the +elegance of the things my mother always had got for me. _She_ would +not have liked it nor let me wear it; I knew that; but then--whence +came the wealth that flowed over in such exquisite forms upon her and +upon me? Were not its original and proper channels bare? And whence +were they to be, even in any measure, refilled, if all the supply +must, as usual, be led off in other directions? I mused as I went up +the stairs, feeling perplexed, nevertheless, at the strangeness of the +work I was doing, and with something in my heart giving a pull at my +judgment towards the side of what was undoubtedly "pleasant to the +eyes." So I followed Dr. Sandford up the stairs and into the +wilderness of the cloak department, where all manner of elegancies, in +silk, and velvet, and cloth, were displayed in orderly confusion. It +was a wilderness to me, in the mood of my thoughts. Was I going to +repeat here the process just gone through downstairs? + +The doctor seated me, asked what I wanted to see, and gave the order. +And forthwith my eyes were regaled with a variety of temptations. A +nice little black silk pelisse was hung on the stand opposite me; it +was nice; a good gloss was upon the silk, the article was in the +neatest style, and trimmed with great simplicity. I would have been +well satisfied to wear that. By its side was displayed another of +velvet; then yet another of very fine dark cloth; perfect in material +and make, faultless in its elegance of finish. But the silk was +forty-five and the cloth was forty, and the velvet was sixty dollars. +I sat and looked at them. There is no denying that I wanted the silk +or the cloth. Either of them would do. Either of them was utterly +girl-like and plain, but both of them had the finish of perfection, in +make, style, and material. I wanted the one or the other. But, if I +had it, what would be left for Margaret? + +"Are you tired, Daisy?" said Dr. Sandford, bending down to look in my +face. + +"No, sir. At least, that was not what I was thinking of." + +"When then?" said he. "Will one of these do?" + +"They would do," I said slowly. "But, Dr. Sandford, I should like to +see something else--something that would do for somebody that was +poorer than I." + +"Poorer?" said the doctor, looking funny. "What is the matter, Daisy? +Have you suddenly become bankrupt? You need not be afraid, for the +bank is in my pocket; and I know it will stand all your demands upon +it." + +"No, but--I would indeed, if you please, Dr. Sandford. These things +cost too much for what I want now." + +"Do you like them?" + +"I like them very well." + +"Then take whichever you like best. That is my advice to you, Daisy. +The bank will bear it." + +"I think I must not. Please, Dr. Sandford, I should like to see +something that would not cost so much. Do they _all_ cost as much as +these?" + +The doctor gave the order as I desired. The shopman who was serving us +cast another comprehensive glance at me--I had seen him give one at +the beginning--and tossing off the velvet coat and twisting off the +silk one, he walked away. Presently he came back with a brown silk, +which he hung in the place of the velvet one, and a blue cloth, which +replaced the black silk. Every whit as costly, and almost as pretty, +both of them. + +"No," said the doctor,--"you mistook me. We want to look at some goods +fitted for persons who have not long purses." + +"Something inferior to these--" said the man. He was not uncivil; he +just stated the fact. In accordance with which he replaced the last +two coats with a little grey dreadnought, and a black cloth; the first +neat and rough, the last not to be looked at. It was not in good +taste, and a sort of thing that I neither had worn nor could wear. But +the grey dreadnought was simple and warm and neat, and would offend +nobody. I looked from it to the pretty black cloth which still hung in +contrast with it, the one of the first there. Certainly, in style and +elegance _this_ looked like my mother's child, and the other did not. +But this was forty dollars. The dreadnought was exactly half that sum. +I had a little debate with myself--I remember it, for it was my first +experience of that kind of thing--and all my mother's training had +refined in me the sense of what was elegant and fitting, in dress as +well as in other matters. Until now, I had never had my fancy crossed +by anything I ever had to wear. The little grey dreadnought--how would +it go with my silk dresses? It was like what I had seen other people +dressed in; never my mother or me. Yet it was perfectly fitting a +lady's child, if she could not afford other; and where was Margaret's +cloak to come from? And who had the best right? I pondered and +debated, and then I told Dr. Sandford I would have the grey coat. I +believe I half wished he would make some objection; but he did not; he +paid for the dreadnought and ordered it sent home; and then I began to +congratulate myself that Margaret's comfort was secure. + +"Is that all, Daisy?" my friend asked. + +"Dr. Sandford," said I, standing up and speaking low, "I want to +find--can I find here, do you think?--a good warm cloak and dress for +Margaret." + +"For Margaret?" said the doctor. + +"Yes; she is not used to the cold, you know; and she has nothing to +keep her comfortable." + +"But, Daisy!" said the doctor,--"sit down here again; I must +understand this. Was _Margaret_ at the bottom of all these financial +operations?" + +"I knew she wanted something, ever since we came from Washington," I +said. + +"Daisy, she could have had it." + +"Yes, Dr. Sandford;--but--" + +"But what, if you will be so good?" + +"I think it was right for me to get it." + +"I am sorry I do not agree with you at all. It was for _me_ to get +it--I am supplied with funds, Daisy--and your father has entrusted to +me the making of all arrangements which are in any way good for your +comfort. I think, with your leave, I shall reverse these bargains. +Have you been all this time pleasing Margaret and _not_ yourself?" + +"No, sir," I said,--"if you please. I cannot explain it, Dr. Sandford, +but I know it is right." + +"What is right, Daisy? My faculties are stupid." + +"No, sir; but--Let it be as it is, please." + +"But won't you explain it? I ought to know what I am giving my consent +to, Daisy; for just now I am constituted your guardian. What has +Margaret to do with your cloaks? There is enough for both." + +"But," said I, in a great deal of difficulty,--"there is not enough +for me and everybody." + +"Are you going to take care of the wants of everybody?" + +"I think--I ought to take care of all that I can," I said. + +"But you have not the power." + +"I won't do but what I _have_ the power for." + +"Daisy, what would your father and mother say to such a course of +action? would they allow it, do you think?" + +"But _you_ are my guardian now, Dr. Sandford," I said, looking up at +him. He paused a minute doubtfully. + +"I am conquered!" he said. "You have absolutely conquered me, Daisy. I +have not a word to say. I wonder if that is the way you are going +through the world in future? What is it now about Margaret?--for I was +bewildered and did not understand." + +"A warm cloak and dress," I said, delighted; "that is what I want. Can +I get them here?" + +"Doubtful, I should say," he answered; "but we will try." + +And we did succeed in finding the dress, strong and warm and suitable; +the cloak we had to go to another shop for. On the way we stopped at +the milliner's. My Aunt Gary and Mrs. Sandford employed the same one. + +"I put it in your hands, Daisy!" Dr. Sandford said, as we went in. +"Only let me look on." + +I kept him waiting a good while, I am afraid; but he was very patient +and seemed amused. _I_ was not. The business was very troublesome to +me. This was not so easy a matter as to choose between stuffs and have +the yards measured off. Bonnets are bonnets, as my aunt always said; +and things good in themselves may not be in the least good for you. +And I found the thing that suited was even more tempting here than it +had been in the cloak wareroom. There was a little velvet hat which I +fancied mamma would have bought for me; it was so stylish, and at the +same time so simple, and became me so well. But it was of a price +corresponding with its beauty. I turned my back on it, though I seemed +to see it just as well through the back of my head, and tried to find +something else. The milliner would have it there was nothing beside +that fitted me. The hat must go on. + +"She has grown," said the milliner, appealing to Dr. Sandford; "and +you see this is the very thing. This tinge of colour inside is just +enough to relieve the pale cheeks. Do you see, sir?" + +"It is without a fault," said the doctor. + +"Take it off, please," I said. "I want to find something that will not +cost so much--something that will not cost near so much." + +"There is that cap that is too large for Miss Van Allen--" the +milliner's assistant remarked. + +"It would not suit Mrs. Randolph at all," was the answer aside. + +But I begged to see it. Now this was a comfortable, soft quilted silk +cap, with a chinchilla border. Not much style about it, but also +nothing to dislike, except its simplicity. The price was moderate, and +it fitted me. + +You are going to be a different Daisy Randolph from what you have been +all your life--something whispered to me. And the doctor said, "That +makes you look about ten years old again, Daisy." I had a minute of +doubt and delay; then I said I would have the cap; and the great +business was ended. + +Margaret's purchases were all found, and we went home, with money +still in my bank, Dr. Sandford informed me. I was very tired; but on +the whole I was very satisfied, until my things came home, and I saw +that Mrs. Sandford did not like them. + +"I wish I could have been with you!" she said. + +"What is the matter?" said the doctor. It was the evening, and we were +all together for a few minutes, before Mrs. Sandford went to her +sister. + +"Did you choose these things, Grant?" + +"What is the matter with them?" + +"They are hardly suitable." + +"For the third time, what is the matter with them?" said the doctor. + +"They are neat, but they are not _handsome_." + +"They will look handsome when they are on," said Dr. Sandford. + +"No they won't; they will look common. I don't mean _vulgar_--you +could not buy anything in bad taste--but they are just what anybody's +child might wear." + +"Then Mrs. Randolph's child might." + +Mrs. Sandford gave him a look. "That is just the thing," she said. +"Mrs. Randolph's child might _not_. I never saw anybody more elegant +or more particular about the choice of her dress than Mrs. Randolph; +it is always perfect; and Daisy's always was. Mrs. Randolph would not +like these." + +"Shall we change them, Daisy?" said the doctor. + +I said "No." + +"Then I hope they will wear out before Mrs. Randolph comes home," he +said. + +All this, somehow, made me uncomfortable. I went off to the room which +had been given to me, where a fire was kept; and I sat down to think. +Certainly, I would have liked the other coat and hat better, that I +had rejected; and the thought of the rich soft folds of that silky +merino were not pleasant to me. The plaid I had bought _did_ wear a +common look in comparison. I knew it, quite as well as Mrs. Sandford; +and that I had never worn common things; and I knew that in the +merino, properly made, I should have looked my mother's child; and +that in the plaid my mother would not know me. Was I right? was I +wrong? I knelt down before the fire, feeling that the straight path +was not always easy to find. Yet I had thought I saw it before me. I +knelt before the fire, which was the only light in the room, and +opened the page of my dear little book that had the Bible lessons for +every day. This day's lesson was headed, "That ye adorn the doctrine +of God our Saviour in all things." + +The mist began to clear away. Between adorning and being adorned, the +difference was so great, it set my face quite another way directly. I +went on. "Let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of +Christ." + +And how should that be? Certainly, the spirit of that gospel had no +regard to self-glorification; and had most tender regard to the wants of +others. I began to feel sure that I was in the way and not out of it. +Then came--"If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye. But +let none of you suffer ... _as a thief, or as an evildoer_"--"Let your +light so shine before men"--"Let not mercy and truth forsake thee; bind +them about thy neck;"--"Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are +honest, whatsoever things are _just_ ... think on these things." + +The words came about me, binding up my doubts, making sound my heart, +laying a soft touch upon every rough spot in my thoughts. True, +honest, just, lovely, and of good report,--yes, I would think on these +things, and I would not be turned aside from them. And if I suffered +as a Christian, I determined that I would not be ashamed; I prayed +that I might never; I would take as no dishonour the laughter or the +contempt of those who did not see the two sides of the question; but +as a _thief_ I would not suffer. I earnestly prayed that I might not. +No beauty of dresses or stylishness of coats or bonnets should adorn +me, the price of which God saw belonged and was due to the sufferings +of others; more especially to the wants of those whose wants made my +supply. That my father and mother, with the usage of old habit, and +the influence of universal custom, should be blind to what I saw so +clearly, made no difference in my duty. I had the light of the Bible +rule, which was not yet, I knew, the lamp to their feet. _I_ must walk +by it, all the same. And my thought went back now with great +tenderness to Mammy Theresa's rheumatism, which wanted flannel; to +Maria's hyacinths, which were her great earthly interest, out of the +things of religion; to Darry's lonely cottage, where he had no lamp to +read the Bible o' nights, and no oil to burn in it. To Pete's solitary +hut, too, where he was struggling to learn to read well, and where a +hymn-book would be the greatest comfort to him. To the old people, +whose one solace of a cup of tea would be gone unless I gave it them; +to the boys who were learning to read, who wanted testaments; to the +bed-ridden and sick, who wanted blankets; to the young and well, who +wanted gowns (not indeed for decency, but for the natural pleasure of +looking neat and smart)--and to Margaret, first and last, who was +nearest to me, and who, I began to think, might want some other +trifles besides a cloak. The girl come in at the minute. + +"Margaret," I said, "I have got you a warm gown and a good thick warm +cloak, to-day." + +"A cloak! Miss Daisy--" Margaret's lips just parted and showed the +white teeth between them. + +"Yes. I saw you were not warm in that thin shawl." + +"It's mighty cold up these ways!--" the girls shoulders drew together +with involuntary expression. + +"And now, Margaret, what other things do you want, to be nice and +comfortable? You must tell me now, because after I go to school I +cannot see you often, you know." + +"Reckon I find something to do at the school, Miss Daisy. Ain't there +servants?" + +"Yes, but I am afraid there may not be another wanted. What else ought +you to have, Margaret?" + +"Miss Daisy knows, I'll hire myself out, and reckon I'll get a right +smart chance of wages; and then, if Miss Daisy let me take some +change, I'd like to get some things--" + +"You may keep all your wages, Margaret," I said hastily; "you need not +bring them to me; but I want to know if you have all you need _now_, +to be nice and warm?" + +"'Spect I'd be better for some underclothes--" Margaret said, half +under her breath. + +Of course! I knew it the moment she said it. I knew the scanty coarse +supply which was furnished to the girls and women at Magnolia; I knew +that more was needed for neatness as well as for comfort, and +something different, now that she was where no evil distinction would +arise from her having it. I said I would get what she wanted; and went +back again to the parlour. I mused as I went. If I let Margaret keep +her wages--and I was very certain I could not receive them from her--I +must be prepared to answer it to my father. Perhaps,--yes, I felt sure +as I thought about it--I must contrive to save the amount of her wages +out of what was given to myself; or else my grant might be reversed +and my action disallowed, or at least greatly disapproved. And my +father had given me no right to dispose of Margaret's wages, or of +herself. + +So I came into the parlour. Dr. Sandford alone was there, lying on the +sofa. He jumped up immediately; pulled a great arm chair near to the +fire, and taking hold of me, put me into it. My purchases were lying +on the table, where they had been disapproved, but I knew what to +think of them now. I could look at them very contentedly. + +"How do they seem, Daisy?" said the doctor, stretching himself on the +cushions again, after asking my permission and pardon. + +"Very well,"--I said, smiling. + +"You are satisfied?" + +I said yes. + +"Daisy," said he, "you have conquered me to-day--I have yielded--I +owned myself conquered; but won't you enlighten me? As a matter of +favour?" + +"About what, Dr. Sandford?" + +"I don't understand you." + +I remember looking at him and smiling. It was so curious a thing, +both that he should, in his philosophy, be puzzled by a child like me, +and that he should care about undoing the puzzle. + +"There!" said he,--"that is my old little Daisy of ten years old. +Daisy, I used to think she was an extremely dainty and particular +little person." + +"Yes--" said I. + +"Was that correct?" + +"I don't know," said I. "I think it was." + +"Then Daisy, honestly--I am asking as a philosopher, and that means a +lover of knowledge, you know,--did you choose those articles to-day to +please yourself?" + +"In one way, I did," I answered. + +"Did they appear to you as they did to Mrs. Sandford,--at the time?" + +"Yes, Dr. Sandford." + +"So I thought. Then, Daisy, will you make me understand it? For I am +puzzled." + +I was sorry that he cared about the puzzle, for I did not want to go +into it. I was almost sure he would not make it out if I did. + +However, he lay there looking at me and waiting. + +"Those other things cost too much, Dr. Sandford--that was all." + +"There is the puzzle!" said the doctor. "You had the money in your +bank for them, and money for Margaret's things too, and more if you +wanted it; and no bottom to the bank at all, so far as I could see. +And you like pretty things, Daisy, and you did not choose them?" + +"No, sir." + +I hesitated, and he waited. How was I to tell him? He would simply +find it ridiculous. And then I thought--"If any of you suffer as a +Christian, let him not be ashamed." + +"I thought I should be comfortable in these things, Dr. Sandford," I +then said, glancing at the little chinchilla cap which lay on the +table;--"and respectable. And there were other people who needed all +the money the other things would have cost." + +"What other people?" said the doctor. "As I am your guardian, Daisy, +it is proper for me to ask, and not impertinent." + +I hesitated again. "I was thinking," I said, "of some of the people I +left at Magnolia." + +"Do you mean the servants?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"Daisy, they are cared for." + +I was silent. + +"What do you think they want?" + +"Some that are sick want comfort," I said, "and others who are not +sick want help; and others, I think, want a little pleasure." I would +fain not have spoken, but how could I help it? The doctor took his +feet off the sofa and sat up and confronted me. + +"In the meantime," he said, "you are to be 'comfortable and +respectable.' But, Daisy, do you think your father and mother would be +satisfied with such a statement of your condition?" + +"I suppose not," I was obliged to say. + +"Then do you think it proper for me to allow such to be the fact?" + +I looked at him. What there was in my look it is impossible for me to +say; but he laughed a little. + +"Yes," he said,--"I know--you have conquered me to-day. I own myself +conquered--but the question I ask you is whether I am justifiable." + +"I think that depends," I answered, "on whether _I_ am justifiable." + +"Can you justify yourself, Daisy?" he said, bringing his hand down +gently over my smooth hair and touching my cheek. It would have vexed +me from anybody else; it did not vex me from him. "Can you justify +yourself?" he repeated. + +"Yes, sir," I said; but I felt troubled. + +"Then do it." + +"Dr. Sandford, the Bible says, 'Whatsoever ye would that men should do +to you, do ye even so to them.'" + +"Well," said he, refusing to draw any conclusions for me. + +"I have more than I want, and they have not enough. I don't think I +ought to keep _more_ than I want." + +"But then arises the question," said he, "how much do you want? Where +is the line, beyond which you, or I, for instance, have too much?" + +"I was not speaking of anybody but myself," I said. + +"But a rule of action which is the right one for you, would be right +for everybody." + +"Yes, but everybody must apply it for himself," I said. "I was only +applying it for myself." + +"And applying it for yourself, Daisy, is it to cut off for the +future--or ought it--all elegance and beauty? Must you restrict +yourself to mere 'comfort and respectability'? Are furs and feathers, +for instance, wicked things?" + +He did not speak it mockingly; Dr. Sandford never could do an +ungentlemanly thing; he spoke kindly and with a little rallying smile +on his face. But I knew what he thought. + +"Dr. Sandford," said I, "suppose I was a fairy, and that I stripped +the gown off a poor woman's back to change it into a feather, and +stole away her blankets to make them into fur; what would you think of +fur and feathers then?" + +There came a curious lightning through the doctor's blue eyes. I did +not know in the least what it meant. + +"Do you mean to say, Daisy, that the poor people down yonder at +Magnolia want such things as gowns and blankets?" + +"Some do," I said. "You know, nobody is there, Dr. Sandford, to look +after them; and the overseer does not care. It would be different if +papa was at home." + +"I will never interfere with you any more, Daisy," said the +doctor,--"any further than by a little very judicious interference; +and you shall find in me the best helper I can be to all your plans. +You may use me--you have conquered me,"--said he, smiling, and laying +himself back on his cushions again. I was very glad it had ended so, +for I could hardly have withstood Dr. Sandford if he had taken a +different view of the matter. And his help, I knew, might be very good +in getting things sent to Magnolia. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +SCHOOL. + + +I had another time the next day between Mrs. Sandford and the +mantua-maker. The mantua-maker came to take orders about making my +school dress. + +"How will you have it trimmed?" she asked. "This sort of stuff will +make no sort of an appearance unless it is well trimmed. It wants +that. You might have a border of dark green leaves--dark green, like +the colour of this stripe--going round the skirt; that would have a +good effect; the leaves set in and edged with a very small red cord, +or green if you like it better. We trimmed a dress so last week, and +it made a very good appearance." + +"What do you say, Daisy?" + +"How much will it cost?" I asked. + +"Oh, the cost is not very much," said the milliner. "I suppose we +would do it for you, Mrs. Sandford, for twenty-five dollars." + +"That is too much," I said. + +"You wouldn't say so, if you knew the work it is to set those leaves +round," said the mantua-maker. "It takes hours and hours; and the +cording and all. And the silk you know, Mrs. Sandford, _that_ costs +nowadays. It takes a full yard of the silk, and no washy lining silk, +but good stiff dress silk. Some has 'em made of velvet, but to be +sure, that would not be suitable for a common stuff like this. It will +be very common, Mrs. Sandford, without you have it handsomely +trimmed." + +"Couldn't you put some other sort of trimming?" + +"Well, there's no other way that looks _distingué_ on this sort of +stuff; that's the most stylish. We could put a band of rows of black +velvet--an inch wide, or half an inch; if you have it narrower you +must put more of them; and then the sleeves and body to match; but I +don't think you would like it so well as the green leaves. A great +many people has 'em trimmed so; you like it a little out of the +common, Mrs. Sandford. Or, you could have a green ribbon." + +"How much would _that_ be?" said Mrs. Sandford. + +"Oh really, I don't just know," the woman answered; "depends on the +ribbon; it don't make much difference to you, Mrs. Sandford; it would +be--let me see, Oh, I suppose we could do it with velvet for you for +fifteen or twenty dollars. You see there must be buttons or rosettes +at the joinings of the velvets; and those come very expensive." + +"How much would it be to make the dress plain?" I asked. + +"_That_ would be plain," the mantua-maker answered quickly. "The style +is, to trim everything very much. Oh, that would be quite plain with +the velvet." + +"But without any trimming at all?" I asked. "How much would that be?" +I felt an odd sort of shame at pressing the question: yet I knew I +must. + +"Without trimming!" said the woman. "Oh, you could not have it +_without trimming_; there is nothing made without trimming; it would +have no appearance at all. People would think you had come out of the +country. No young ladies have their dresses made without trimming this +winter." + +"Mrs. Sandford," said I, "I should like to know what the dress would +be without trimming." + +"What would it be, Melinda?" The woman was only a forewoman at her +establishment. + +"Oh, well, Mrs. Sandford, the naked dress I have no doubt could be +made for you for five dollars." + +"You would not have it _so_, Daisy, my dear?" said Mrs. Sandford. + +But I said I would have it so. It cost me a little difficulty, and a +little shrinking, I remember, to choose this and to hold to it in the +face of the other two. It was the last battle of that campaign. I had +my way; but I wondered privately to myself whether I was going to look +very unlike the children of other ladies in my mother's position: and +whether such severity over myself was really needed. I turned the +question over again in my own room, and tried to find out why it +troubled me. I could not quite tell. Yet I thought, as I was doing +what I knew to be duty, I had no right to feel this trouble about it. +The trouble wore off before a little thought of my poor friends at +Magnolia. But the question came up again at dinner. + +"Daisy," said Mrs. Sandford, "did you ever have anything to do with +the Methodists?" + +"No, ma'am," I said, wondering. "What are the Methodists?" + +"I don't know, I am sure," she said, laughing, "only they are people +who sing hymns a great deal, and teach that nobody ought to wear gay +dresses." + +"Why?" I asked. + +"I can't say. I believe they hold that the Bible forbids ornamenting +ourselves." + +I wondered if it did; and determined I would look. And I thought the +Methodists must be nice people. + +"What is on the carpet now?" said the doctor. "Singing or dressing? +You are attacking Daisy, I see, on some score." + +"She won't have her dress trimmed," said Mrs. Sandford. + +The doctor turned round to me, with a wonderful genial pleasant +expression of his fine face; and his blue eye, that I always liked to +meet full, going through me with a sort of soft power. He was not +smiling, yet his look made me smile. + +"Daisy," said he, "are you going to make yourself unlike other +people?" + +"Only my dress, Dr. Sandford," I said. + +"L'habit, c'est l'homme!--" he answered gravely, shaking his head. + +I remembered his question and words many times in the course of the +next six months. + +In a day or two more my dress was done, and Dr. Sandford went with me +to introduce me at the school. He had already made the necessary +arrangements. It was a large establishment, reckoned the most +fashionable, and at the same time one of the most thorough, in the +city; the house, or houses, standing in one of the broad clear +Avenues, where the streams of human life that went up and down were +all of the sort that wore trimmed dresses and rolled about in handsome +carriages. Just in the centre and height of the thoroughfare Mme. +Ricard's establishment looked over it. We went in at a stately +doorway, and were shown into a very elegant parlour; where at a grand +piano a young lady was taking a music lesson. The noise was very +disagreeable; but that was the only disagreeable thing in the place. +Pictures were on the walls, a soft carpet on the floor; the colours of +carpet and furniture were dark and rich; books and trinkets and +engravings in profusion gave the look of cultivated life and the ease +of plenty. It was not what I had expected; nor was Mme. Ricard, who +came in noiselessly and stood before us while I was considering the +wonderful moustache of the music teacher. I saw a rather short, grave +person, very plainly dressed--but indeed I never thought of the dress +she wore. The quiet composure of the figure was what attracted me, and +the peculiar expression of the face. It was sad, almost severe; so I +thought it at first; till a smile once for an instant broke upon the +lips, like a flitting sunbeam out of a cloudy sky; then I saw that +kindliness was quite at home there, and sympathy and a sense of +merriment were not wanting; but the clouds closed again, and the look +of care, of sorrow, I could not quite tell what it was, only that it +was _unrest_, retook its place on brow and lip. The eye, I think, +never lost it. Yet it was a searching and commanding eye; I was sure +it knew how to rule. + +The introduction was soon made, and Dr. Sandford bid me good-bye. I +felt as if my best friend was leaving me; the only one I had trusted +in since my father and mother had gone away. I said nothing, but +perhaps my face showed my thought, for he stooped and kissed me. + +"Good-bye, Daisy. Remember, I shall expect a letter every fortnight." + +He had ordered me before to write to him as often as that, and give +him a minute account of myself; how many studies I was pursuing, how +many hours I gave to them each day, what exercise I took, and what +amusement; and how I throve withal. Mme. Ricard had offered to show me +my room, and we were mounting the long stairs while I thought this +over. + +"Is Dr. Sandford your cousin, Miss Randolph?" was the question which +came in upon my thoughts. + +"No, ma'am," I answered in extreme surprise. + +"Is he any relation to you?" + +"He is my guardian." + +"I think Dr. Sandford told me that your father and mother are abroad?" + +"Yes, ma'am; and Dr. Sandford is my guardian." + +We had climbed two flights of stairs, and I was panting. As we went +up, I had noticed a little unusual murmur of noises, which told me I +was in a new world. Little indistinguishable noises, the stir and hum +of the busy hive into which I had entered. Now and then a door had +opened, and a head or a figure came out; but as instantly went back +again on seeing Madame, and the door was softly closed. We reached the +third floor. There a young lady appeared at the further end of the +gallery, and curtseyed to my conductress. + +"Miss Bentley," said Madame, "this is your new companion, Miss +Randolph. Will you be so good as to show Miss Randolph her room?" + +Madame turned and left us, and the young lady led me into the room she +had just quitted. A large room, light and bright, and pleasantly +furnished; but the one thing that struck my unaccustomed eyes was the +evidence of fulness of occupation. One bed stood opposite the +fireplace; another across the head of that, between it and one of the +windows; a third was between the doors on the inner side of the room. +Moreover, the first and the last of these were furnished with two +pillows each. I did not in the moment use my arithmetic; but the +feeling which instantly pressed upon me was that of want of breath. + +"This is the bed prepared for you, I believe," said my companion +civilly, pointing to the third one before the window. "There isn't +room for anybody to turn round here now." + +I began mechanically to take off my cap and gloves, looking hard at +the little bed, and wondering what other rights of possession were to +be given me in this place. I saw a washstand in one window and a large +mahogany wardrobe on one side of the fireplace; a dressing table or +chest of drawers between the windows. Everything was handsome and +nice; everything was in the neatest order; but--where were my clothes +to go? Before I had made up my mind to ask, there came a rush into the +room; I supposed, of the other inmates. One was a very large, fat, +dull-faced girl; I should have thought her a young woman, only that +she was here in a school. Another, bright and pretty, and very +good-humoured if there was any truth in her smiling black eyes, was +much slighter and somewhat younger; a year or two in advance of +myself. The third was a girl about my own age, shorter and smaller +than I, with also a pretty face, but an eye that I was not so sure of. +She was the last one to come in, and she immediately stopped and +looked at me; I thought, with no pleasure. + +"This is Miss Randolph, girls," said Miss Bentley. "Miss Randolph, +Miss Macy." + +I curtseyed to the fat girl, who gave me a little nod. + +"I am glad she isn't as big as I am," was her comment on the +introduction. I was glad, too. + +"Miss Lansing--" + +This was bright-eyes, who bowed and smiled--she always smiled--and +said, "How do you do?" Then rushed off to a drawer in search of +something. + +"Miss St. Clair, will you come and be introduced to Miss Randolph?" + +The St. Clair walked up demurely and took my hand. Her words were in +abrupt contrast. "Where are her things going, Miss Bentley?" I +wondered that pretty lips could be so ungracious. It was not temper +which appeared on them, but cool rudeness. + +"Madame said we must make some room for her," Miss Bentley answered. + +"I don't know where," remarked Miss Macy. "_I_ have not two inches." + +"She can't have a peg nor a drawer of mine," said the St. Clair. +"Don't you put her there, Bentley." And the young lady left us with +that. + +"We must manage it somehow," said Miss Bentley. "Lansing, look here, +can't you take your things out of this drawer? Miss Randolph has no +place to lay anything. She _must_ have a little place, you know." + +Lansing looked up with a perplexed face, and Miss Macy remarked that +nobody had a bit of room to lay anything. + +"I am very sorry," I said. + +"It is no use being sorry, child," said Miss Macy; "we have got to fix +it, somehow. I know who _ought_ to be sorry. Here--I can take this +pile of things out of this drawer; that is all _I_ can do. Can't she +manage with this half?" + +But Miss Lansing came and made her arrangements, and then it was found +that the smallest of the four drawers was cleared and ready for my +occupation. + +"But if we give you a whole drawer," said Miss Macy, "you must be +content with one peg in the wardrobe--will you?" + +"Oh, and she can have one or two hooks in the closet," said +bright-eyes. "Come here, Miss Randolph, I will show you." + +And there in the closet I found was another place for washing, with +cocks for hot and cold water; and a press and plenty of iron hooks; +with dresses and hats hanging on them. Miss Lansing moved and changed +several of these, till she had cleared a space for me. + +"There," she said, "now you'll do, won't you? I don't believe you can +get a scrape of a corner in the wardrobe; Macy and Bentley and St. +Clair take it up so. _I_ haven't but one dress hanging there, but +you've got a whole drawer in the bureau." + +I was not very awkward and clumsy in my belongings, but an elephant +could scarcely have been more bewildered if he had been requested to +lay his proboscis up in a glove box. "I cannot put a dress in the +drawer," I remarked. + +"Oh, you can hang one up here under your cap; and that is all any of +us do. Our things, all except our everyday things, go down stairs in +our trunks. Have you many trunks?" + +I told her no, only one. I did not know why it was a little +disagreeable to me to say that. The feeling came and passed. I hung up +my coat and cap, and brushed my hair; my new companion looking on. +Without any remark, however, she presently rushed off, and I was left +alone. I began to appreciate that. I sat down on the side of my little +bed; to my fancy the very chairs were appropriated; and looked at my +new place in the world. + +Five of us in that room! I had always had the comfort of great space +and ample conveniences about me; was it a _luxury_ I had enjoyed? It +had seemed nothing more than a necessity. And now must I dress and +undress myself before so many spectators? could I not lock up anything +that belonged to me? were all my nice and particular habits to be +crushed into one drawer and smothered on one or two clothes-pins? Must +everything I did be seen? And, above all, where could I pray? I looked +round in a sort of fright. There was but one closet in the room, and +that was a washing closet, and held besides a great quantity of other +people's belongings. I could not, even for a moment, shut it against +them. In a kind of terror, I looked to make sure that I was alone, and +fell on my knees. It seemed to me that all I could do was to pray +every minute that I should have to myself. They would surely be none +too many. Then, hearing a footstep somewhere, I rose again and took +from my bag my dear little book. It was so small I could carry it +where I had not room for my Bible. I looked for the page of the day, I +remember now, with my eyes full of tears. + +"Be watchful," were the first words that met me. Aye, I was sure I +would need it; but how was a watch to be kept up, if I could never be +alone to take counsel with myself? I did not see it; this was another +matter from Miss Pinshon's unlocked door. After all, that unlocked +door had not greatly troubled me; my room had not been of late often +invaded. Now I had no room. What more would my dear little book say to +me? + +"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring +lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour." + +Was the battle to go so hard against me? and what should I do without +that old and well-tried weapon of "all-prayer?" Nothing; I should be +conquered. I must have and keep that, I resolved; if I lay awake and +got up at night to use it. Dr. Sandford would not like such a +proceeding; but there were worse dangers than the danger of lessened +health. I _would_ pray; but what next? + +"Take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently."--"What I say +unto you I say unto all, Watch." + +I stood by the side of my bed, dashing the tears from my eyes. Then I +heard, as I thought, some one coming, and in haste looked to see what +else might be on the page: what further message or warning. And +something like a sunbeam of healing flashed into my heart with the +next words. + +"Fear thou not: for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God; +I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee +with the right hand of my righteousness." + +"I, the Lord thy God, will hold thy right hand." + +I was healed. I put up my little book in my bag again, feeling whole +and sound. It did not matter that I was crowded and hindered and +watched; for it was written also, "He preserveth the way of his +saints;" and I was safe. + +I sat a little while longer alone. Then came a rush and rustle of many +feet upon the stairs, many dresses moving, many voices blending in a +soft little roar; as ominous as the roar of the sea which one hears in +a shell. My four room-mates poured into the room, accompanied by two +others; very busy and eager about their affairs that they were +discussing. Meanwhile they all began to put themselves in order. + +"The bell will ring for tea directly," said Miss Macy, addressing +herself to me; "are you ready?" + +"'Tisn't much trouble to fix _her_ hair," said my friend with the +black eyes. + +Six pair of eyes for a moment were turned upon me. + +"You are too old to have your hair so," remarked Miss Bentley. "You +ought to let it grow." + +"Why don't you?" said Miss Lansing. + +"She is a Roundhead," said the St. Clair, brushing her own curls; +which were beautiful and crinkled all over her head, while my hair was +straight. "I don't suppose she ever saw a Cavalier before." + +"St. Clair, you are too bad!" said Miss Macy. "Miss Randolph is a +stranger." + +St. Clair made no answer, but finished her hair and ran off; and +presently the others filed off after her; and a loud clanging bell +giving the signal, I thought best to go too. Every room was pouring +forth its inmates; the halls and passages were all alive and astir. In +the train of the moving crowd, I had no difficulty to find my way to +the place of gathering. + +This was the school parlour; not the one where I had seen Mme. Ricard. +Parlours, rather; there was a suite of them, three deep; for this part +of the house had a building added in the rear. The rooms were large +and handsome; not like school rooms, I thought; and yet very different +from my home; for they were bare. Carpets and curtains, sofas and +chairs and tables were in them, to be sure; and even pictures; yet +they were bare; for books and matters of art and little social +luxuries were wanting, such as I had all my life been accustomed to, +and such as filled Mme. Ricard's own rooms. However, this first +evening I could hardly see how the rooms looked, for the lining of +humanity which ran round all the walls. There was a shimmer as of +every colour in the rainbow; and a buzz that could only come from a +hive full. I, who had lived all my life where people spoke softly, and +where many never spoke together, was bewildered. + +The buzz hushed suddenly, and I saw Mme. Ricard's figure going slowly +down the rooms. She was in the uttermost contrast to all her +household. Ladylike always, and always dignified, her style was her +own, and I am sure that nobody ever felt that she had not enough. Yet +Mme. Ricard had nothing about her that was conformed to the fashions +of the day. Her dress was of a soft kind of serge, which fell around +her or swept across the rooms in noiseless yielding folds. Hoops were +the fashion of the day; but Mme. Ricard wore no hoops; she went with +ease and silence where others went with a rustle and a warning to +clear the way. The back of her head was covered with a little cap as +plain as a nun's cap; and I never saw an ornament about her. Yet +criticism never touched Mme. Ricard. Not even the criticism of a set +of school-girls; and I had soon to learn that there is none more +relentless. + +The tea-table was set in the further room of the three. Mme. Ricard +passed down to that. Presently I heard her low voice saying, "Miss +Randolph." Low as it always was, it was always heard. I made my way +down through the rooms to her presence; and there I was introduced to +the various teachers. Mademoiselle Géneviève, Miss Babbitt, Mme. +Jupon, and Miss Dumps. I could not examine them just then. I felt I +was on exhibition myself. + +"Is Miss Randolph to come to me, Madame?" the first of these ladies +asked. She was young, bright, black-eyed, and full of energy; I saw so +much. + +"I fancy she will come to all of you," said Madame. "Except Miss +Babbitt. You can write and read, I dare say, Miss Randolph?" she went +on with a smile. I answered of course. + +"What have been your principal studies for the past year?" + +I said mathematics, astronomy, and philosophy and history. + +"Then she is mine!" exclaimed Mlle. Géneviève. + +"She is older than she looks," said Miss Babbitt. + +"Her hair is young, but her eyes are not," said the former speaker, +who was a lively lady. + +"French have you studied?" Madame went on. + +"Not so much," I said. + +"Mme. Jupon will want you." + +"I am sure she is a good child," said Mme. Jupon, who was a +good-natured, plain-looking Frenchwoman, without a particle of a +Frenchwoman's grace or address. "I will be charmed to have her." + +"You may go back to your place, Miss Randolph," said my mistress. "We +will arrange all the rest to-morrow." + +"Shall I go back with you?" asked Mlle. Géneviève. "Do you mind going +alone?" + +She spoke very kindly, but I was at a loss for her meaning. I saw the +kindness; why it showed itself in such an offer I could not imagine. + +"I am very much obliged to you, ma'am," I began, when a little burst +of laughter stopped me. It came from all the teachers; even Mme. +Ricard was smiling. + +"You are out for once, Géneviève," she said. + +"La charmante!" said Mme. Jupon. "Voyez l'a plomb!" + +"No, you don't want me," said Mlle. Géneviève, nodding. "Go--you'll +do." + +I went back to the upper room and presently tea was served. I sat +alone; there was nobody near me who knew me; I had nothing to do while +munching my bread and butter but to examine the new scene. There was a +great deal to move my curiosity. In the first place, I was surprised +to see the rooms gay with fine dresses. I had come from the quiet of +Magnolia, and accustomed to the simplicity of my mother's taste; which +if it sometimes adorned me, did it always in subdued fashion, and +never flaunted either its wealth or beauty. But on every side of me I +beheld startling costumes; dresses that explained my mantua-maker's +eagerness about velvet and green leaves. I saw that she was right; her +trimmings would have been "quiet" here. Opposite me was a brown +merino, bordered with blocks of blue silk running round the skirt. +Near it was a dress of brilliant red picked out with black cord and +heavy with large black buttons. Then a black dress caught my eye which +had an embattled trimming of black and gold, continued round the waist +and completed with a large gold buckle. Then there was a grey cashmere +with red stars; and a bronze-coloured silk with black velvet a quarter +of a yard wide let into the skirt; the body all of black velvet. I +could go on if my memory would serve me. The rooms were full of this +sort of thing. Yet more than the dresses the heads surprised me. Just +at that time the style of hair dressing was one of those styles which +are endurable, and perhaps even very beautiful, in the hands of a +first-rate artist and on the heads of those very few women who dress +well; but which are more and more hideous the farther you get from +that distant pinnacle of the mode, and the lower down they spread +among the ranks of society. I thought, as I looked from one to +another, I had never seen anything so ill in taste, so outraged in +style, so unspeakable in ugliness as well as in pretension. I supposed +then it was the fashion principally which was to blame. Since then, I +have seen the same fashion on one of those heads that never wear +anything but in good style. It gathered a great wealth of rich hair +into a mass at the back of the head, yet leaving the top and front of +the hair in soft waves; and the bound up mass behind was loose and +soft and flowed naturally from the head, it had no hard outline nor +regular shape; it was nature's luxuriance just held in there from +bursting down over neck and shoulders; and hardly that, for some locks +were almost escaping. The whole was to the utmost simple, natural, +graceful, rich. But these caricatures! All that they knew was to mass +the hair at the back of the head; and that fact was attained. But some +looked as if they had a hard round cannon-ball fastened there; others +suggested a stuffed pincushion, ready for pins; others had a +mortar-shell in place of a cannon-ball, the size was so enormous; in +nearly all, the hair was strained tight over or under something; in +not one was there an effect which the originator of the fashion would +not have abhorred. Girlish grace was nowhere to be seen, either in +heads or persons; girlish simplicity had no place. It was a school: +but the company looked fitter for the stiff assemblages of ceremony +that should be twenty years later in their lives. + +My heart grew very blank. I felt unspeakably alone; not merely because +there was nobody there whom I knew, but because there was nobody whom +it seemed to me I ever should know. I took my tea and bits of bread +and butter, feeling forlorn. A year in that place seemed to me longer +than I could bear. I had exchanged my King Log for King Stork. + +It was some relief when after tea we were separated into other rooms +and sat down to study. But I dreamed over my book. I wondered how +heads could study that had so much trouble on the outside. I wandered +over the seas to that spot somewhere that was marked by the ship that +carried my father and mother. Only now going out towards China; and +how long months might pass before China would be done with and the +ship be bearing them back again. The lesson given me that night was +not difficult enough to bind my attention; and my heart grew very +heavy. So heavy, that I felt I _must_ find help somewhere. And when +one's need is so shut in, then it looks in the right quarter--the only +one left open. + +My little book was upstairs in my bag: but my thoughts flew to my page +of that day and the "Fear thou not, for I am with thee." Nobody knows, +who has not wanted them, how good those words are. Nobody else can +understand how sweet they were to me. I lost for a little all sight of +the study table and the faces round it. I just remembered who was WITH ME; +in the freedom and joy of that presence both fears and loneliness seemed +to fade away. "I, the Lord, will hold thy right hand." Yes, and I, a weak +little child, put my hand in the hand of my great Leader, and felt safe +and strong. + +I found very soon I had enemies to meet that I had not yet reckoned +with. The night passed peacefully enough; and the next day I was put +in the schoolroom and found my place in the various classes. The +schoolrooms were large and pleasant; large they had need to be, for +the number of day scholars who attended in them was very great. They +were many as well as spacious; different ages being parted off from +each other. Besides the schoolrooms proper, there were rooms for +recitation, where the classes met their teachers; so we had the change +and variety of moving from one part of the house to another. We met +Mlle. Géneviève in one room, for mathematics and Italian; Mme. Jupon +in another, for French. Miss Dumps seized us in another, for writing +and geography, and made the most of us; she was a severe little +person in her teaching and in her discipline; but she was good. We +called her Miss Maria, in general. Miss Babbitt had the history; and +she did nothing to make it intelligible or interesting. My best +historical times thus far, by much, had been over my clay map and my +red and black headed pins, studying the changes of England and her +people. But Mlle. Géneviève put a new life into mathematics. I could +never love the study; but she made it a great deal better than Miss +Pinshon made it. Indeed, I believe that to learn anything under Mlle. +Géneviève would have been pleasant. She had so much fire and energy; +she taught with such a will; her black eyes were so keen both for her +pupils and her subject. One never thought of the discipline in Mlle. +Géneviève's room, but only of the study. I was young to be there, in +the class where she put me; but my training had fitted me for it. With +Mme. Jupon also I had an easy time. She was good-nature itself, and +from the first showed a particular favour and liking for me. And as I +had no sort of wish to break rules, with Miss Maria too I got on well. +It was out of school and out of study hours that my difficulties came +upon me. + +For a day or two I did not meet them. I was busy with the school +routine, and beginning already to take pleasure in it. Knowledge was +to be had here; lay waiting to be gathered up; and that gathering I +always enjoyed. Miss Pinshon had kept me on short allowance. It was +the third or fourth day after my arrival, that going up after dinner +to get ready for a walk I missed my chinchilla cap from its peg. I +sought for it in vain. + +"Come, Daisy," said Miss Lansing, "make haste. Babbitt will be after +you directly if you aren't ready. Put on your cap." + +"I can't find it," I said. "I left it here, in its place, but I can't +find it." + +There was a burst of laughter from three of my room-mates, as Miss St. +Clair danced out from the closet with the cap on her own brows; and +then with a caper of agility, taking it off, flung it up to the +chandelier, where it hung on one of the burners. + +"For shame, Faustina, that's too bad. How can she get it?" said Miss +Bentley. + +"I don't want her to get it," said the St. Clair coolly. + +"Then how can she go to walk?" + +"I don't want her to go to walk." + +"Faustina, that isn't right. Miss Randolph is a stranger; you +shouldn't play tricks on her." + +"Roundheads were always revolutionists," said the girl recklessly. "_A +la lanterne!_ Heads or hats--it don't signify which. That is an +example of what our Madame calls 'symbolism.'" + +"Hush--sh! Madame would call it something else. Now how are we going +to get the cap down?" + +For the lamp hung high, having been pushed up out of reach for the +day. The St. Clair ran off, and Miss Macy followed; but the two others +consulted, and Lansing ran down to waylay the chambermaid and beg a +broom. By the help of the broom handle my cap was at length dislodged +from its perch, and restored to me. But I was angry. I felt the fiery +current running through my veins; and the unspeakable saucy glance of +St. Clair's eye, as I passed her to take my place in the procession, +threw fuel on the fire. I think for years I had not been angry in such +a fashion. The indignation I had at different times felt against the +overseer at Magnolia was a justifiable thing. Now I was angry and +piqued. The feeling was new to me. I had been without it very long. I +swallowed the ground with my feet during my walk; but before the walk +came to an end the question began to come up in my mind, what was the +matter? and whether I did well? These sprinklings of water on the +flame I think made it leap into new life at first; but as they came +and came again, I had more to think about than St. Clair when I got +back to the house. Yes, and as we were all taking off our things +together I was conscious that I shunned her; that the sight of her was +disagreeable; and that I would have liked to visit some gentle +punishment upon her careless head. The bustle of business swallowed up +the feeling for the rest of the time till we went to bed. + +But then it rose very fresh, and I began to question myself about it +in the silence and darkness. Finding myself inclined to justify +myself, I bethought me to try this new feeling by some of the words I +had been studying in my little book for a few days past. "The entrance +of thy words giveth light"--was the leading text for the day that had +just gone; now I thought I would try it in my difficulty. The very +next words on the page I remembered were these--"God is light, and in +him is no darkness at all." + +It came into my mind as soon, that this feeling of anger and +resentment which troubled me had to do with darkness, not with the +light. In vain I reasoned to prove the contrary; I _felt_ dark. I +could not look up to that clear white light where God dwells, and feel +at all that I was "walking in the light as he is in the light." +Clearly Daisy Randolph was out of the way. And I went on with +bitterness of heart to the next words--"Ye _were_ sometime darkness, +but now are ye light in the Lord; walk as children of light." + +And what then? was I to pass by quietly the insolence of St. Clair? was I +to take it quite quietly, and give no sign even of annoyance? take no +means of showing my displeasure, or of putting a stop to the naughtiness +that called it forth? My mind put these questions impatiently, and still, +as it did so, an answer came from somewhere,--"Walk as children of +light." I _knew_ that children of light would reprove darkness only with +light; and a struggle began. Other words came into my head then, which +made the matter only clearer. "If any man smite thee on the one cheek, +turn to him the other." "Love your enemies." Ah, but how could I? with +what should I put out this fire kindled in my heart, which seemed only to +burn the fiercer whatever I threw upon it? And then other words came +still sweeping upon me with their sweetness, and I remembered who had +said, "I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee." I softly got out +of bed, wrapped the coverlid round me, and knelt down to pray. For I had +no time to lose. To-morrow I must meet my little companion, and to-morrow +I _must_ be ready to walk as a child of light, and to-night the fires of +darkness were burning in my heart. I was long on my knees. I remember, in +a kind of despair at last I flung myself on the word of Jesus, and cried +to Him as Peter did when he saw the wind boisterous. I remember how the +fire died out in my heart, till the very coals were dead; and how the day +and the sunlight came stealing in, till it was all sunshine. I gave my +thanks, and got into bed, and slept without a break the rest of the night. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + +A PLACE IN THE WORLD. + + +I was an humbler child when I got out of bed the next morning, I +think, than ever I had been in my life before. But I had another +lesson to learn. + +I was not angry any more at Miss St. Clair. That was gone. Even when +she did one or two other mischievous things to me, the rising feeling +of offence was quickly got under; and I lived in great charity with +her. My new lesson was of another sort. + +Two or three days passed, and then came Sunday. It was never a +comfortable day at Mme. Ricard's. We all went to church of course, +under the care of one or other of the teachers; and we had our choice +where to go. Miss Babbitt went to a Presbyterian church. Miss Maria to +a high Episcopal. Mme. Jupon attended a little French Protestant +chapel; and Mlle. Géneviève and Mme. Ricard went to the Catholic +church. The first Sunday I had gone with them, not knowing at all +whither. I found that would not do; and since then I had tried the +other parties. But I was in a strait; for Miss Maria's church seemed +to me a faded image of Mlle. Géneviève's; the Presbyterian church +which Miss Babbitt went to was stiff and dull; I was not at home in +either of them, and could not understand or enjoy what was spoken. The +very music had an air of incipient petrification, if I can speak so +about sounds. At the little French chapel I could as little comprehend +the words that were uttered. But in the pulpit there was a man with a +shining face; a face full of love and truth and earnestness. He spoke +out of his heart, and no set words; and the singing was simple and +sweet and the hymns beautiful. I could understand them, for I had the +hymn-book in my hands. Also I had the French Bible, and Mme. Jupon, +delighted to have me with her, assured me that if I listened I would +very soon begin to understand the minister's preaching just as well as +if it were English. So I went with Mme. Jupon, and thereby lost some +part of Mlle. Géneviève's favour; but that I did not understand till +afterwards. + +We had all been to church as usual, this Sunday, and we were taking +off our hats and things upstairs, after the second service. My simple +toilet was soon made; and I sat upon the side of my little bed, +watching those of my companions. They were a contrast to mine. The +utmost that money could do, to bring girls into the fashion, was done +for these girls; for the patrons of Mme. Ricard's establishment were +nearly all rich. + +Costly coats and cloaks, heavily trimmed, were surmounted with every +variety of showy head-gear, in every variety of unsuitableness. To +study bad taste, one would want no better field than the heads of Mme. +Ricard's seventy boarders dressed for church. Not that the articles +which were worn on the heads were always bad; some of them came from +irreproachable workshops; but there was everywhere the bad taste of +overdressing, and nowhere the tact of appropriation. The hats were +all on the wrong heads. Everybody was a testimony of what money can do +without art. I sat on my little bed, vaguely speculating on all this +as I watched my companions disrobing; at intervals humming the sweet +French melody to which the last hymn had been sung; when St. Clair +paused in her talk and threw a glance in my direction. It lighted on +my plain plaid frock and undressed hair. + +"Don't you come from the country, Miss Randolph?" she said, insolently +enough. + +I answered yes. And I remembered what my mantua-maker had said. + +"Did you have that dress made there?" + +"For shame, St. Clair!" said Miss Bentley; "let Miss Randolph alone. I +am sure her dress is very neat." + +"I wonder if women don't wear long hair where she came from?" said the +girl, turning away from me again. The others laughed. + +I was as little pleased at that moment with the defence as with the +attack. The instant thought in my mind was, that Miss Bentley knew no +more how to conduct the one than Miss St. Clair to make the other; if +the latter had no civility, the first had no style. Now the St. Clair +was one of the best dressed girls in school and came from one of the +most important families. I thought, if she knew where I came from, and +who my mother was, she would change her tone. Nevertheless, I wished +mamma would order me to let my hair grow, and I began to think whether +I might not do it without order. And I thought also that the spring +was advancing, and warm weather would soon be upon us; and that these +girls would change their talk and their opinion about me when they +saw my summer frocks. There was nothing like _them_ in all the school. +I ran over in my mind their various elegance, of texture and lace, and +fine embroidery, and graceful, simple drapery. And also I thought, if +these girls could see Magnolia, its magnificent oaks, and its acres of +timber, and its sweeps of rich fields, and its troops of servants, +their minds would be enlightened as to me and my belongings. + +These meditations were a mixture of comfort and discomfort to me; but +on the whole I was not comfortable. This process of comparing myself +with my neighbours, I was not accustomed to; and even though its +results were so favourable, I did not like it. Neither did I quite +relish living under a cloud; and my eyes being a little sharpened now, +I could see that not by my young companions alone, but by every one of +the four teachers, I was looked upon as a harmless little girl whose +mother knew nothing about the fashionable world. I do not think that +anything in my manner showed either my pique or my disdain; I believe +I went out of doors just as usual; but these things were often in my +thoughts, and taking by degrees more room in them. + +It was not till the Sunday came round again, that I got any more +light. The afternoon service was over; we had come home and laid off +our bonnets and cloaks; for though we were in April it was cold and +windy; and my schoolfellows had all gone downstairs to the parlour, +where they had the privilege of doing what they pleased before tea. I +was left alone. It was almost my only time for being alone in the +whole week. I had an hour then; and I used to spend it in my bedroom +with my Bible. To-day I was reading the first epistle of John, which I +was very fond of; and as my custom was, not reading merely, but +pondering and praying over the words verse by verse. So I found that +I understood them better and enjoyed them a great deal more. I came to +these words,-- + +"Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we +should be called the sons of God; therefore the world knoweth us not, +because it knew him not." + +I had dwelt sometime upon the first part of the verse, forgetting all my +discomforts of the week past; and came in due course to the next words. I +never shall forget how they swept in upon. "_The world knoweth us +not._"--What did that mean? "Because it knew him not." How did it not +know Him; He was in the midst of men; He lived no hidden life; the world +knew Him well enough as a benefactor, a teacher, a reprover; in what +sense did it _not_ know Him? And I remembered, it did not know Him as one +of its own party. He was "this fellow,"--and "the deceiver;"--"the +Nazarene;" "they called the master of the house Beelzebub." And so the +world knoweth _us_ not; and I knew well enough why; because we must be +like Him. And then, I found an unwillingness in myself to have these +words true of me. I had been very satisfied under the slighting tones and +looks of the little world around me, thinking that they were mistaken and +would by and by know it; they would know that in all that they held so +dear, of grace and fashion and elegance and distinguished appearance, my +mother, and of course I, were not only their match but above them. Now, +must I be content to have them never know it? But, I thought, I could not +help their seeing the fact; if I dressed as my mother's child was +accustomed to dress, they would know what sphere of life I belonged to. +And then the words bore down upon me again, with their uncompromising +distinctness,--"_the world knoweth us not_." I saw it was a mark and +character of those that belonged to Christ. I saw that, if I belonged to +Him, the world must not know me. The conclusion was very plain. And to +secure the conclusion, the way was very plain too; I must simply not be +like the world. I must not be of the world; and I must let it be known +that I was not. + +Face to face with the issue, I started back. For not to be of the +world, meant, not to follow their ways. I did not want to follow some +of their ways; I had no desire to break the Sabbath, for example; but +I did like to wear pretty and elegant and expensive things, and +fashionable things. It is very true, I had just denied myself this +pleasure, and bought a plain dress and coat that did not charm me; but +that was in favour of Margaret and to save money for her. And I had no +objection to do the same thing again and again, for the same motive; +and to deny myself to the end of the chapter, so long as others were +in need. But that was another matter from shaking hands with the world +at once, and being willing that for all my life it should never know +me as one of those whom it honoured. Never _know_ me, in fact. I must +be something out of the world's consciousness, and of no importance to +it. And to begin with, I must never try to enlighten my schoolfellows' +eyes about myself. Let them think that Daisy Randolph came from +somewhere in the country and was accustomed to wear no better dresses +in ordinary than her school plaid. Let them never be aware that I had +ponies and servants and lands and treasures. Nay, the force of the +words I had read went farther than that. I felt it, down in my heart. +Not only I must take no measures to proclaim my title to the world's +regard; but I must be such and so unlike it in my whole way of life, +dress and all, that the world would not wish to recognize me, nor have +anything to do with me. + +I counted the cost now, and it seemed heavy. There was Miss Bentley, +with her clumsy finery, put on as it were one dollar above the other. +She patronized me, as a little country-girl who knew nothing. Must I +not undeceive her? There was Faustina St. Clair, really of a good +family, and insolent on the strength of it; must I never let her know +that mine was as good and that my mother had as much knowledge of the +proprieties and elegances of life as ever hers had? These girls and +plenty of the others looked down upon me as something inferior; not +belonging to their part of society; must I be content henceforth to +live so simply that these and others who judge by the outside would +never be any wiser as to what I really was? Something in me rebelled. +Yet the words I had been reading were final and absolute. "The world +knoweth us _not_;" and "us," I knew meant the little band in whose +hearts Christ is king. Surely I was one of them. But I was unwilling +to slip out of the world's view and be seen by it no more. I +struggled. + +It was something very new in my experience. I had certainly felt +struggles of duty in other times, but they had never lasted long. This +lasted. With an eye made keen by conscience, I looked now in my +reading to see what else I might find that would throw light on the +matter and perhaps soften off the uncompromising decision of the words +of St John. By and by I came to these words-- + +"If ye were of the world, the world would love his own. But because ye +are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, +_therefore the world hateth you_." + +I shut the book. The issue could not be more plainly set forth. I must +choose between the one party and the other. Nay, I had chosen;--but I +must agree to belong but to one. + +Would anybody say that a child could not have such a struggle? that +fourteen years do not know yet what "the world" means? Alas, it is a +relative term; and a child's "world" may be as mighty for her to face, +as any other she will ever know. I think I never found any more +formidable. Moreover, it is less unlike the big world than some would +suppose. + +On the corner of the street, just opposite to our windows, stood a +large handsome house which we always noticed for its flowers. The +house stood in a little green courtyard exquisitely kept, which at one +side and behind gave room for several patches of flower beds, at this +time filled with bulbous plants. I always lingered as much as I could +in passing the iron railings, to have a peep at the beauty within. The +grass was now of a delicious green, and the tulips and hyacinths and +crocuses were in full bloom, in their different oval-shaped beds, +framed in with the green. Besides these, from the windows of a +greenhouse that stretched back along the street, there looked over a +brilliant array of other beauty; I could not tell what; great bunches +of scarlet and tufts of white and gleamings of yellow, that made me +long to be there. + +"Who lives in that house?" Miss Bentley asked one evening. It was the +hour before tea, and we were all at our room windows gazing down into +the avenue. + +"Why, don't you know?" said slow Miss Macy. "That's Miss Cardigan's +house." + +"I wonder who she is?" said Miss Lansing. "It isn't a New York name." + +"Yes, it is," said Macy. "She's lived there for ever. She used to be +there, and her flowers, when I was four years old." + +"I guess she isn't anybody, is she?" said Miss Bentley. "I never see +any carriages at the door. Hasn't she a carriage of her own, I wonder, +or how does she travel? Such a house ought to have a carriage." + +"I'll tell you," said the St. Clair, coolly as usual. "She goes out in +a wagon with an awning to it. _She_ don't know anything about +carriages." + +"But she must have money, you know," urged Miss Bentley. "She couldn't +keep up that house, and the flowers, and the greenhouse and all, +without money." + +"She's got money," said the St. Clair. "Her mother made it selling +cabbages in the market. Very likely she sold flowers too." + +There was a general exclamation and laughter at what was supposed to +be one of St. Clair's flights of mischief; but the young lady stood +her ground calmly, and insisted that it was a thing well known. "My +grandmother used to buy vegetables from old Mrs. Cardigan when we +lived in Broadway," she said. "It's quite true. That's why she knows +nothing about carriages." + +"That sort of thing don't hinder other people from having carriages," +said Miss Lansing. "There's Mr. Mason, next door to Miss Cardigan,--his +father was a tailor; and the Steppes, two doors off, do you know what +they were? They were millers, a little way out of town; nothing else; had +a mill and ground flour. They made a fortune I suppose, and now here they +are in the midst of other people." + +"Plenty of carriages, too," said Miss Macy; "and everything else." + +"After all," said Miss Bentley, after a pause, "I suppose everybody's +money had to be made somehow, in the first instance. I suppose all the +Millers in the world came from real millers once; and the Wheelrights +from wheelwrights." + +"And what a world of smiths there must have been first and last," said +Miss Lansing. "The world is full of their descendants." + +"_Everybody's_ money wasn't made, though," said the St. Clair, with an +inexpressible attitude of her short upper lip. + +"I guess it was,--if you go back far enough," said Miss Macy, whom +nothing disturbed. But I saw that while Miss Lansing and Miss St. +Clair were at ease in the foregoing conversation, Miss Bentley was +not. + +"You _can't_ go back far enough," said the St. Clair, haughtily. + +"How then?" said the other. "How do you account for it? Where did +their money come from?" + +"It grew," said the St. Clair ineffably. "They were lords of the +soil." + +"Oh!--But it had to be dug out, I suppose?" said Miss Macy. + +"There were others to do that." + +"After all," said Miss Macy, "how is money that grew any better than +money that is made? it is all made by somebody, too." + +"If it is made by somebody else, it leaves your hands clean," the St. +Clair answered, with an insolence worthy of maturer years; for Miss +Macy's family had grown rich by trade. She was of a slow temper +however and did not take fire. + +"My grandfather's hands were clean," she said; "yet he made his own +money. Honest hands always are clean." + +"Do you suppose Miss Cardigan's were when she was handling her +cabbages?" said St Clair. "I have no doubt Miss Cardigan's house +smells of cabbages now." + +"O St. Clair!" Miss Lansing said, laughing. + +"I always smell them when I go past," said the other, elevating her +scornful little nose; it was a handsome nose too. + +"I don't think it makes any difference," said Miss Bentley, "provided +people _have_ money, how they came by it. Money buys the same thing +for one that it does for another." + +"Now, my good Bentley, that is just what it _don't_," said St. Clair, +drumming up the window-pane with the tips of her fingers. + +"Why not?" + +"Because!--people that have always had money know how to use it; and +people who have just come into their money _don't_ know. You can tell +the one from the other as far off as the head of the avenue." + +"But what is to hinder their going to the same milliner and mantua-maker, +for instance, or the same cabinet-maker,--and buying the same things?" + +"Or the same jeweller, or the same--anything? So they could if they +knew which they were." + +"Which _what_ were? It is easy to tell which is a fashionable +milliner, or mantua-maker; everybody knows that." + +"It don't do some people any good," said St. Clair, turning away. +"When they get in the shop they do not know what to buy; and if they +buy it they can't put it on. People that are not fashionable can't +_be_ fashionable." + +I saw the glance that fell, scarcely touching, on my plain plaid +frock. I was silly enough to feel it too. I was unused to scorn. St. +Clair returned to the window, perhaps sensible that she had gone a +little too far. + +"I can tell you now," she said, "what that old Miss Cardigan has got +in her house--just as well as if I saw it." + +"Did you ever go in?" said Lansing eagerly. + +"We don't visit," said the other. "But I can tell you just as well; +and you can send Daisy Randolph some day to see if it is true." + +"Well, go on, St. Clair--what is there?" said Miss Macy. + +"There's a marble hall, of course; that the mason built; it isn't her +fault. Then in the parlours there are thick carpets, that cost a great +deal of money and are as ugly as they can be, with every colour in the +world. The furniture is red satin, or may be blue, staring bright, +against a light green wall panelled with gold. The ceilings are gold +and white, with enormous chandeliers. On the wall there are some very +big picture frames, with nothing in them--to speak of; there is a +table in the middle of the floor with a marble top, and the piers are +filled with mirrors down to the floor: and the second room is like the +first and the third is like the second, and there is nothing else in +any of the rooms but what I have told you." + +"Well, it is a very handsome house, I should think, if you have told +true," said Miss Bentley. + +St. Clair left the window with a scarce perceptible but most wicked smile +at her friend Miss Lansing; and the group scattered. Only I remained to +think it over and ask myself, could I let go my vantage ground? could I +make up my mind to do for ever without the smile and regard of that +portion of the world which little St. Clair represented? It is powerful +even in a school! + +I had seen how carelessly this undoubted child of birth and fashion +wielded the lash of her tongue; and how others bowed before it. I had +seen Miss Bentley wince, and Miss Macy bite her lip; but neither of +them dared affront the daughter of Mrs. St. Clair. Miss Lansing was +herself of the favoured class, and had listened lightly. Fashion was +power, that was plain. Was I willing to forego it? Was I willing to +be one of those whom fashion passes by as St. Clair had glanced on my +dress--as something not worthy a thought. + +I was not happy, those days. Something within me was struggling for +self assertion. It was new to me; for until then I had never needed to +assert my claims to anything. For the first time, I was looked down +upon, and I did not like it. I do not quite know why I was made to +know this so well. My dress, if not showy or costly, was certainly +without blame in its neatness and niceness, and perfectly becoming my +place as a schoolgirl. And I had very little to do at that time with +my schoolmates, and that little was entirely friendly in its +character. I am obliged to think, looking back at it now, that some +rivalry was at work. I did not then understand it. But I was taking a +high place in all my classes. I had gone past St. Clair in two or +three things. Miss Lansing was too far behind in her studies to feel +any jealousy on that account; but besides that, I was an unmistakable +favourite with all the teachers. They liked to have me do anything for +them or with them; if any privilege was to be given, I was sure to be +one of the first names called to share it; if I was spoken to for +anything, the manner and tone were in contrast with those used towards +almost all my fellows. It may have been partly for these reasons that +there was a little positive element in the slight which I felt. The +effect of the whole was to make a long struggle in my mind. "The world +knoweth us not"--gave the character and condition of that party to +which I belonged. I was feeling now what those words mean,--and it was +not pleasant. + +This struggle had been going on for several weeks, and growing more +and more wearying, when Mrs. Sandford came one day to see me. She +said I did not look very well, and obtained leave for me to take a +walk with her. I was glad of the change. It was a pleasant bright +afternoon; we strolled up the long avenue, then gay and crowded with +passers to and fro in every variety and in the height of the mode; for +our avenue was a favourite and very fashionable promenade. The gay +world nodded and bowed to each other; the sun streamed on satins and +laces, flowers and embroidery; elegant toilets passed and repassed +each other, with smiling recognition; the street was a show. I walked +by Mrs. Sandford's side in my chinchilla cap, for I had not got a +straw hat yet, though it was time; thinking--"The world knoweth us +not"--and carrying on the struggle in my heart all the while. By and +by we turned to come down the avenue. + +"I want to stop a moment here on some business," said Mrs. Sandford, +as we came to Miss Cardigan's corner; "would you like to go in with +me, Daisy?" + +I was pleased, and moreover glad that it was the hour for my +companions to be out walking. I did not wish to be seen going in at +that house and to have all the questions poured on me that would be +sure to come. Moreover, I was curious to see how far Miss St. Clair's +judgment would be verified. The marble hall was undoubted; it was +large and square, with a handsome staircase going up from it; but the +parlour, into which we were ushered the next minute, crossed all my +expectations. It was furnished with dark chintz; no satin, red or +blue, was anywhere to be seen; even the curtains were chintz. The +carpet was not rich; the engravings on the walls were in wooden frames +varnished; the long mirror between the windows, for that was there, +reflected a very simple mahogany table, on which lay a large work +basket, some rolls of muslin and flannel, work cut and uncut, shears +and spools of cotton. Another smaller table held books and papers and +writing materials. This was shoved up to the corner of the hearth, +where a fire--a real, actual fire of sticks--was softly burning. The +room was full of the sweet smell of the burning wood. Between the two +tables, in a comfortable large chair, sat the lady we had come to see. +My heart warmed at the look of her immediately. Such a face of genial +gentle benevolence; such a healthy sweet colour in the old cheeks; +such a hearty, kind, and withal shrewd and sound, expression of eye +and lip. She was stout and dumpy in figure, rather fat; with a little +plain cap on her head and a shawl pinned round her shoulders. Somebody +who had never been known to the world of fashion. But oh, how homely +and comfortable she and her room looked! she and her room and her cat; +for a great white cat sat with her paws doubled under her in front of +the fire. + +"My sister begged that I would call and see you, Miss Cardigan," Mrs. +Sandford began, "about a poor family named Whittaker, that live +somewhere in Ellen Street." + +"I know them. Be seated," said our hostess. "I know them well. But I +don't know this little lady." + +"A little friend of mine, Miss Cardigan; she is at school with your +neighbour opposite,--Miss Daisy Randolph." + +"If nearness made neighbourhood," said Miss Cardigan, laughing, "Mme. +Ricard and I would be neighbours; but I am afraid the rule of the Good +Samaritan would put us far apart. Miss Daisy--do you like my cat; or +would you like maybe to go in and look at my flowers?--yes?--Step in +that way, dear; just go through that room, and on, straight through; +you'll smell them before you come to them." + +I gladly obeyed her, stepping in through the darkened middle room, +where already the greeting of the distant flowers met me; then through +a third smaller room, light and bright and full of fragrance, and to +my surprise, lined with books. From this an open glass door let me +into the greenhouse and into the presence of the beauties I had so +often looked up to from the street. I lost myself then. Geraniums +breathed over me; roses smiled at me; a daphne at one end of the room +filled the whole place with its fragrance. Amaryllis bulbs were +magnificent; fuchsias dropped with elegance; jonquils were shy and +dainty; violets were good; hyacinths were delicious; tulips were +splendid. Over and behind all these and others, were wonderful ferns, +and heaths most delicate in their simplicity, and myrtles most +beautiful with their shining dark foliage and starry white blossoms. I +lost myself at first, and wandered past all these new and old friends +in a dream; then I waked up to an intense feeling of homesickness. I +had not been in such a greenhouse in a long time; the geraniums and +roses and myrtles summoned me back to the years when I was a little +happy thing at Melbourne House--or summoned the images of that time +back to me. Father and mother and home--the delights and freedoms of +those days--the carelessness, and the care--the blessed joys of that +time before I knew Miss Pinshon, or school, and before I was perplexed +with the sorrows and the wants of the world, and before I was +alone--above all, when papa and mamma and I were _at home_. The +geraniums and the roses set me back there so sharply that I felt it +all. I had lost myself at first going into the greenhouse; and now I +had quite lost sight of everything else, and stood gazing at the faces +of the flowers with some tears on my own, and, I suppose, a good deal +of revelation of my feeling; for I was unutterably startled by the +touch of two hands upon my shoulders and a soft whisper in my ear, +"What is it, my bairn?" + +It was Miss Cardigan's soft Scotch accent, and it was besides a +question of the tenderest sympathy. I looked at her, saw the kind and +strong grey eyes which were fixed on me wistfully; and hiding my face +in her bosom I sobbed aloud. + +I don't know how I came to be there, in her arms, nor how I did +anything so unlike my habit; but there I was, and it was done, and +Miss Cardigan and I were in each other's confidence. It was only for +one moment that my tears came; then I recovered myself. + +"What sort of discourse did the flowers hold to you, little one?" said +Miss Cardigan's kind voice; while her stout person hid all view of me +that could have been had through the glass door. + +"Papa is away," I said, forcing myself to speak,--"and mamma:--and we +used to have these flowers--" + +"Yes, yes; I know. I know very well," said my friend. "The flowers +didn't know but you were there yet. They hadn't discretion. Mrs. +Sandford wants to go, dear. Will you come again and see them? They +will say something else next time." + +"Oh, may I?" I said. + +"Just whenever you like, and as often as you like. So I'll expect +you." + +I went home, very glad at having escaped notice from my schoolmates, +and firmly bent on accepting Miss Cardigan's invitation at the first +chance I had. I asked about her of Mrs. Sandford in the first place; +and learned that she was "a very good sort of person; a little queer, +but very kind; a person that did a great deal of good and had plenty +of money. Not in society, of course," Mrs. Sandford added; "but I dare +say she don't miss that; and she is just as useful as if she were." + +"Not in society." That meant, I supposed, that Miss Cardigan would not +be asked to companies where Mrs. Randolph would be found, or Mrs. +Sandford; that such people would not "know" her, in fact. That would +certainly be a loss to Miss Cardigan; but I wondered how much? "The +world knoweth us not,"--the lot of all Christ's people,--could it +involve anything in itself very bad? My old Juanita, for example, who +held herself the heir to a princely inheritance, was it any harm to +her that earthly palaces knew her only as a servant? But then, what +did not matter to Juanita or Miss Cardigan might matter to somebody +who had been used to different things. I knew how it had been with +myself for a time past. I was puzzled. I determined to wait and see, +if I could, how much it mattered to Miss Cardigan. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +FRENCH DRESSES. + + +My new friend had given me free permission to come and see her whenever I +found myself able. Saturday afternoon we always had to ourselves in the +school; and the next Saturday found me at Miss Cardigan's door again as +soon as my friends and room-mates were well out of my way. Miss Cardigan +was not at home, the servant said, but she would be in presently. I was +just as well pleased. I took off my cap, and carrying it in my hand I +went back through the rooms to the greenhouse. All still and fresh and +sweet, it seemed more delightful than ever, because I knew there was +nobody near. Some new flowers were out. An azalea was in splendid beauty, +and a white French rose, very large and fair, was just blossoming, and +with the red roses and the hyacinths and the violets and the daphne and +the geraniums, made a wonderful sweet place of the little greenhouse. I +lost myself in delight again; but this time the delight did not issue in +homesickness. The flowers had another message for me to-day. I did not +heed it at first, busy with examining and drinking in the fragrance and +the loveliness about me; but even as I looked and drank, the flowers +began to whisper to me. With their wealth of perfume, with all their +various, glorious beauty, one and another leaned towards me or bent over +me with the question--"Daisy, are you afraid?--Daisy, are you +afraid?--The good God who has made us so rich, do you think he will leave +you poor? He loves you, Daisy. You needn't be a bit afraid but that HE is +enough, even if the world does not know you. He is rich enough for you as +well as for us." + +I heard no voice, but surely I heard that whisper, plain enough. The +roses seemed to kiss me with it. The sweet azalea repeated it. The +hyacinths stood witnesses of it. The gay tulips and amaryllis held up +a banner before me on which it was blazoned. + +I was so ashamed, and sorry, and glad, all at once, that I fell down +on my knees there, on the stone matted floor, and gave up the world +from my heart and for ever, and stretched out my hands for the wealth +that does not perish and the blessing that has no sorrow with it. + +I was afraid to stay long on my knees; but I could hardly get my eyes +dry again, I was so glad and so sorry. I remember I was wiping a tear +or two away when Miss Cardigan came in. She greeted me kindly. + +"There's a new rose out, did ye see it?" she said; "and this blue +hyacinth has opened its flowers. Isn't that bonny?" + +"What is _bonny_, ma'am?" I asked. + +Miss Cardigan laughed, the heartiest, sonsiest low laugh. + +"There's a many things the Lord has made bonny," she said. "I thank +Him for it. Look at these violets--they're bonny; and this sweet red +rose." She broke it off the tree and gave it to me. "It's bad that it +shames your cheeks so. What's the matter wi' 'em, my bairn?" + +Miss Cardigan's soft finger touched my cheek as she spoke; and the +voice and tone of the question were so gently, tenderly kind that it +was pleasant to answer. I said I had not been very strong. + +"Nor just weel in your mind. No, no. Well, what did the flowers say to +you to-day, my dear? Eh? They told you something?" + +"Oh yes!" I said. + +"Did they tell you that 'the Lord is good; a stronghold in the day of +trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in Him?'" + +"Oh yes," I said, looking up at her in surprise. "How did you know?" + +For all answer, Miss Cardigan folded her two arms tight about me and +kissed me with earnest good will. + +"But they told me something else," I said, struggling to command +myself;--"they told me that I had _not_ 'trusted in Him.'" + +"Ah, my bairn!" she said. "But the Lord is good." + +There was so much both of understanding and sympathy in her tones, that +I had a great deal of trouble to control myself. I felt unspeakably +happy too, that I had found a friend that could understand. I was +silent, and Miss Cardigan looked at me. + +"Is it all right, noo?" she asked. + +"Except _me_,--" I said with my eyes swimming. + +"Ah, well!" she said. "You've seen the sky all black and covered with +the thick clouds--that's like our sins: but, 'I have blotted out as a +thick cloud thy transgressions, and as a cloud thy sins.' You know how +it is when the wind comes and clears the clouds all off, and you can +look up through the blue, till it seems as if your eye would win into +heaven itself. Keep the sky clear, my darling, so that you can always +see up straight to God, with never the fleck of a cloud between. But +do you ken what will clear the clouds away?" + +And I looked up now with a smile and answered, "'The precious blood of +Christ'"--for the two texts had been close together in one of the +pages of my little book not long before. + +Miss Cardigan clapped her hands together softly and laughed. "Ye've +got it!" she said. "Ye have gotten the pearl of great price. And where +did ye find it, my dear?" + +"I had a friend, that taught me in a Sunday-school, four years ago,--" +I said. + +"Ah, there weren't so many Sunday-schools in my day," said Miss +Cardigan. "And ye have found, maybe, that this other sort of a school, +that ye have gotten to now, isn't helpful altogether? Is it a rough +road, my bairn?" + +"It is my own fault," I said, looking at her gratefully. The tender +voice went right into my heart. + +"Well, noo, ye'll just stop and have tea with me here; and whenever +the way is rough, ye'll come over to my flowers and rest yourself. And +rest me too; it does me a world o' good to see a young face. So take +off your coat, my dear, and let us sit down and be comfortable." + +I was afraid at first that I could not; I had no liberty to be absent +at tea-time. But Miss Cardigan assured me I should be home in good +season; the school tea was at seven, and her own was always served at +six. So very gladly, with an inexpressible sense of freedom and +peace, I took off my coat and gloves, and followed my kind friend back +to the parlour where her fire was burning. For although it was late in +April, the day was cool and raw; and the fire one saw nowhere else was +delightful in Miss Cardigan's parlour. + +Every minute of that afternoon was as bright as the fire glow. I sat +in the midst of that, on an ottoman, and Miss Cardigan, busy between +her two tables, made me very much interested in her story of some +distressed families for whom she was working. She asked me very little +about my own affairs; nothing that the most delicate good breeding did +not warrant; but she found out that my father and mother were at a +great distance from me, and I almost alone, and she gave me the +freedom of her house. I was to come there whenever I could and liked; +whenever I wanted to "rest my feet," as she said; especially I might +spend as much of every Sunday with her as I could get leave for. And +she made this first afternoon so pleasant to me with her gentle +beguiling talk, that the permission to come often was like the +entrance into a whole world of comfort. She had plenty to talk about; +plenty to tell, of the poor people to whom she and others were +ministering; of plans and methods to do them good; all which somehow +she made exceedingly interesting. There was just a little accent to +her words, which made them, in their peculiarity, all the more sweet +to me; but she spoke good English; the "noo" which slipped out now and +then, with one or two other like words, came only, I found, at times +when the fountain of feeling was more full than ordinary, and so +flowed over into the disused old channel. And her face was so fresh, +rosy, round and sweet, withal strong and sound, that it was a +perpetual pleasure to me. + +As she told her stories of New York needy and suffering, I mentally +added my poor people at Magnolia, and began to wonder with myself, was +all the world so? Were these two spots but samples of the whole? I got +into a brown study, and was waked out of it by Miss Cardigan's "What +is it, my dear?" + +"Ma'am?" I said. + +"Ye are studying some deep question," she said, smiling. "Maybe it's +too big for you." + +"So it is," said I, sighing. "Is it so everywhere, Miss Cardigan?" + +"So how, my bairn?" + +"Is there so much trouble everywhere in the world?" + +Her face clouded over. + +"Jesus said, 'The poor ye have always with you, and whensoever ye will +ye may do them good.'" + +"But that is what I don't understand about," I said. "_How much_ ought +one to do, Miss Cardigan?" + +There came a ray of infinite brightness over her features; I can +hardly describe it; it was warm with love, and bright with pleasure, +and I thought sparkled with a little amusement. + +"Have you thought upon that?" she said. + +"Yes," I said,--"very much." + +"It is a great question!" she said, her face becoming grave again. + +"I know," I said, "of course one ought to do all one can. But what I +want to know is, how much one _can_. How much ought one to spend, for +such things?" + +"It's a great question," Miss Cardigan repeated, more gravely than +before. "For when the King comes, to take account of His servants, He +will want to know what we have done with every penny. Be sure, He +will." + +"Then how can one tell?" said I, hoping earnestly that now I was going +to get some help in my troubles. "How can one know? It is very +difficult." + +"I'll no say it's not difficult," said Miss Cardigan, whose thoughts +seemed to have gone into the recesses of her own mind. "Dear, its nigh +our tea-time. Let us go in." + +I followed her, much disappointed, and feeling that if she passed the +subject by so, I could not bring it up again. We went through to the +inner room; the same from which the glass door opened to the flowers. +Here a small table was now spread. This room was cosy. I had hardly +seen it before. Low bookcases lined it on every side; and above the +bookcases hung maps; maps of the city and of various parts of the +world where missionary stations were established. Along with the maps, +a few engravings and fine photographs. I remember one of the +Colosseum, which I used to study; and a very beautiful engraving of +Jerusalem. But the one that fixed my eyes this first evening, perhaps +because Miss Cardigan placed me in front of it, was a picture of +another sort. It was a good photograph, and had beauty enough besides +to hold my eyes. It showed a group of three or four. A boy and girl in +front, handsome, careless, and well-to-do, passing along, with +wandering eyes. Behind them and disconnected from them by her dress +and expression, a tall woman in black robes with a baby on her breast. +The hand of the woman was stretched out with a coin which she was +about dropping into an iron-bound coffer which stood at the side of +the picture. It was "the widow's mite;" and her face, wan, sad, sweet, +yet loving and longing, told the story. The two coins were going into +the box with all her heart. + +"You know what it is?" said my hostess. + +"I see, ma'am," I replied; "it is written under." + +"That box is the Lord's treasury." + +"Yes, ma'am," I said,--"I know." + +"Do you remember how much that woman gave?" + +"Two mites,"--I said. + +"It was something more than that," said my hostess. "It was more than +anybody else gave that day. Don't you recollect? It was _all her +living_." + +I looked at Miss Cardigan, and she looked at me. Then my eyes went +back to the picture, and to the sad yet sweet and most loving face of +the poor woman there. + +"Ma'am," said I, "do you think people that are _rich_ ought to give +all they have?" + +"I only know, my Lord was pleased with her," said Miss Cardigan +softly; "and I always think I should like to have Him pleased with me +too." + +I was silent, looking at the picture and thinking. + +"You know what made that poor widow give her two mites?" Miss Cardigan +asked presently. + +"I suppose she wanted to give them," I said. + +"Ay," said my hostess, turning away,--"she loved the Lord's glory +beyond her own comfort. Come, my love, and let us have some tea. She +gave all she had, Miss Daisy, and the Lord liked it; do ye think you +and me can do less?" + +"But that is what I do not understand," I said, following Miss +Cardigan to the little tea-table, and watching with great comfort the +bright unruffled face which promised to be such a help to me. + +"Now you'll sit down there," said my hostess, "where you can see my +flowers while I can see you. It's poor work eating, if we cannot look +at something or hear something at the same time; and maybe we'll do +the two things. And ye'll have a bit of honey--here it is. And Lotty +will bring us up a bit of hot toast--or is bread the better, my dear? +Now ye're at home; and maybe you'll come over and drink tea with me +whenever you can run away from over there. I'll have Lotty set a place +for you. And then, when ye think of the empty place, you will know you +had better come over and fill it. See--you could bring your study book +and study here in this quiet little corner by the flowers." + +I gave my very glad thanks. I knew that I could often do this. + +"And now for the 'not understanding,'" said Miss Cardigan, when tea +was half over. "How was it, my dear?" + +"I have been puzzled," I said, "about giving--how much one ought to +give, and how much one ought to spend--I mean for oneself." + +"Well," said Miss Cardigan brightly, "we have fixed that. The poor +woman gave _all her living_." + +"But one must spend _some_ money for oneself," I said. "One must have +bonnets and cloaks and dresses." + +"And houses, and books, and pictures," said Miss Cardigan, looking +around her. "My lamb, let us go to the Bible again. That says, +'whether ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of +God.' So I suppose we must buy cloaks and bonnets on the same +principle." + +I turned this over in my mind. Had I done this, when I was choosing my +chinchilla cap and grey cloak? A little ray of infinite brightness +began to steal in upon their quiet colours and despised forms. + +"If the rich are to give their all, as well as the poor, it doesn't +say--mind you--that they are to give it all to the hungry, or all to +the destitute; but only, they are to give it all _to Christ_. Then, He +will tell them what to do with it; do ye understand, my dear?" + +Miss Cardigan's eye was watching me, not more kindly than keen. A wise +and clear grey eye it was. + +"But isn't it difficult to know sometimes what to do?" I said. "I have +been so puzzled to know about dresses. Mamma is away, and I had to +decide." + +"It's no very difficult," said Miss Cardigan,--"if once ye set your +face in the right _airth_--as we speak. My dear, there's a great many +sorts of dresses and bonnets and things; and I'd always buy just that +bonnet and that gown, in which I thought I could do most work for my +Master; and that wouldn't be the same sort of bonnet for you and for +me," she said with a merry smile. "Now ye'll have another cup of tea, +and ye'll tell me if my tea's good." + +It was wonderfully good to me. I felt like a plant dried up for want +of water, suddenly set in a spring shower. Refreshment was all around +me, without and within. The faces of the flowers looked at me through +the glass, and the sweet breath of them came from the open door. The +room where I was sitting pleased me mightily, in its comfortable and +pretty simplicity; and I had found a friend, even better than my old +Maria and Darry at Magnolia. It was not very long before I told all +about these to my new counsellor. + +For the friendship between us ripened and grew. I often found a +chance to fill my place at the dear little tea-table. Sundays I could +always be there; and I went there straight from afternoon church, and +rested among Miss Cardigan's books and in her sweet society and in the +happy freedom and rest of her house, with an intensity of enjoyment +which words can but feebly tell. So in time I came to tell her all my +troubles and the perplexities which had filled me; I was willing to +talk to Miss Cardigan about things that I would have breathed to no +other ear upon earth. She was so removed from all the sphere of my +past or present life, so utterly disconnected from all the persons and +things with which I had had to do, it was like telling about them to a +being of another planet. Yet she was not so removed but that her +sympathies and her judgment could be living and full grown for my +help; all ready to take hold of the facts and to enter into the +circumstances, and to give me precious comfort and counsel. Miss +Cardigan and I came to be very dear to each other. + +All this took time. Nobody noticed at first, or seemed to notice, my +visits to the "house with the flowers," as the girls called it. I +believe, in my plain dress, I was not thought of importance enough to +be watched. I went and came very comfortably; and the weeks that +remained before the summer vacation slipped away in quiet order. + +Just before the vacation, my aunt came home from Europe. With her came +the end of my obscurity. She brought me, from my mother, a great +supply of all sorts of pretty French dresses hats, gloves, and +varieties--chosen by my mother--as pretty and elegant, and simple too, +as they could be; but once putting them on, I could never be unnoticed +by my schoolmates any more. I knew it, with a certain feeling that was +not displeasure. Was it pride? Was it anything more than my pleasure +in all pretty things? I thought it was something more. And I +determined that I would not put on any of them till school was broken +up. If it _was_ pride, I was ashamed of it. But besides French +dresses, my aunt brought me a better thing; a promise from my father. + +"He said I was to tell you, Daisy my dear,--and I hope you will be a +good child and take it as you ought--but dear me! how she is growing," +said Mrs. Gary, turning to Mme. Ricard; "I cannot talk about Daisy as +a 'child' much longer. She's tall." + +"Not too tall," said madame. + +"No, but she is going to be tall. She has a right; her mother is tall, +and her father. Daisy, my dear, I do believe you are going to look +like your mother. You'll be very handsome if you do. And yet, you look +different----" + +"Miss Randolph will not shame anybody belonging to her," said Mme. +Ricard, graciously. + +"Well, I suppose not," said my aunt. "I was going to tell you what +your father said, Daisy. He said--you know it takes a long while to +get to China and back, and if it does him good he will stay a little +while there; and then there's the return voyage, and there may be +delays; so altogether it was impossible to say exactly how long he and +your mother will be gone. I mean, it was impossible to know certainly +that they would be able to come home by next summer; indeed I doubt if +your father ever does come home." + +I waited in silence. + +"So altogether," my aunt went on, turning for a moment to Mme. Ricard, +"there was a doubt about it; and your father said, he charged me to +tell Daisy, that if she will make herself contented--that is, +supposing they cannot come home next year, you know--if she will make +herself happy and be patient and bear one or two years more, and stay +at school and do the best she can, _then_, the year after next or the +next year he will send for you, your father says, _unless_ they come +home themselves--they will send for you; and then, your father says, +he will give you any request you like to make of him. Ask anything you +can think of, that you would like best, and he will do it or get it, +whatever it is. He didn't say like King Herod, 'to the half of his +kingdom,' but I suppose he meant that. And meanwhile, you know you +have a guardian now, Daisy, and there is no use for me in your +affairs; and having conveyed to you your mother's gifts and your +father's promises, I suppose there is nothing further for me to do to +you." + +I was silent yet, thinking. Two years more would be a dear purchase of +any pleasure that might come after. Two years! And four were gone +already. It seemed impossible to wait or to bear it. I heard no more +of what my aunt was saying, till she turned to me again and asked, +"Where are you going to pass the vacation?" + +I did not know, for Mrs. Sandford was obliged to be with her sister +still, so that I could not go to Melbourne. + +"Well, if your new guardian thinks well of it--you can consult him if +it is necessary--and if he does not object, you can be with me if you +like. Preston has leave of absence this summer, I believe; and he will +be with us." + +It was in effect arranged so. My aunt took me about the country from +one watering place to another; from Saratoga to the White Mountains; +and Preston's being with us made it a gay time. Preston had been for +two years at West Point; he was grown and improved everybody said; but +to me he was just the same. If anything, _not_ improved; the old grace +and graciousness of his manner was edged with an occasional hardness +or abruptness which did not use to belong to him, and which I did not +understand. There seemed to be a latent cause of irritation somewhere. + +However, my summer went off smoothly enough. September brought me back +to Mme. Ricard's, and in view of Miss Cardigan's late roses and +budding chrysanthemums. I was not sorry. I had set my heart on doing +as much as could be done in these next two years, if two they must be. + +I was the first in my room; but before the end of the day they all +came pouring in; the two older and the two younger girls. "Here's +somebody already," exclaimed Miss Macy as she saw me. "Why, Daisy +Randolph! is it possible that's you? Is it Daisy Randolph? What have +you done to yourself? How you _have_ improved!" + +"She is very much improved," said Miss Bentley more soberly. + +"She has been learning the fashions," said Miss Lansing, her bright +eyes dancing as good-humouredly as ever. "Daisy, now when your hair +gets long you'll look quite nice. That frock is made very well." + +"She is changed," said Miss St. Clair, with a look I could not quite +make out. + +"No," I said; "I hope I am not changed." + +"Your dress is," said St. Clair. + +I thought of Dr. Sandford's "_L'habit, c'est l'homme_". "My mother had +this dress made," I said; "and I ordered the other one; that is all +the difference." + +"You're on the right side of the difference, then," said Miss St. +Clair. + +"Has your mother come back, Daisy?" Miss Lansing asked. + +"Not yet. She sent me this from Paris." + +"It's very pretty!" she said, with, I saw, an increase of admiration; +but St. Clair gave me another strange look. "How much prettier Paris +things are than American!" Lansing went on. "I wish I could have all +my dresses from Paris. Why, Daisy, you've grown handsome." + +"Nonsense!" said Miss Macy; "she always was, only you didn't see it." + +"Style is more than a face," said Miss St. Clair cavalierly. Somehow I +felt that this little lady was not in a good mood awards me. I boded +mischief; for being nearly of an age, we were together in most of our +classes, studied the same things, and recited at the same times. There +was an opportunity for clashing. + +They soon ran off, all four, to see their friends and acquaintances +and learn the news of the school. I was left alone, making my +arrangement of clothes and things in my drawer and my corner of the +closet; and I found that some disturbance, in those few moments, had +quite disarranged the thoughts of my heart. They were peaceful enough +before. There was some confusion now. I could not at first tell what +was uppermost; only that St. Clair's words were those that most +returned to me. "She has changed." _Had_ I changed? or was I going to +change? was I going to enter the lists of fashion with my young +companions, and try who would win the race? No doubt my mother could +dress me better than almost any of their mothers could dress them; +what then? would this be a triumph? or was this the sort of name and +notoriety that became and befitted a servant of Jesus? I could not +help my dresses being pretty; no, but I could help making much display +of them. I could wear my own school plaid when the weather grew +cooler; and one or two others of my wardrobe were all I need show. +"Style is more than a face." No doubt. What _then?_ Did I want style +and a face too? Was I wishing to confound St. Clair? Was I escaping +already from that bond and a mark of a Christian--"The world knoweth +us not?" I was startled and afraid. I fell down on my knees by the +side of my bed, and tried to look at the matter as God looked at it. +And the Daisy I thought he would be pleased with, was one who ran no +race for worldly supremacy. I resolved she should not. The praise of +God, I thought, was far better than the praise of men. + +My mind was quite made up when I rose from my knees; but I looked +forward to a less quiet school term than the last had been. Something +told me that the rest of the girls would take me up now, for good and +for evil. My Paris dress set me in a new position, no longer beneath +their notice. I was an object of attention. Even that first evening I +felt the difference. + +"Daisy, when is your mother coming home?" "Oh, she is gone to China; +Daisy's mother is gone to China!"--"She'll bring you lots of queer +things, won't she?"--"What a sweet dress!"--"_That_ didn't come from +China?"--"Daisy, who's head in mathematics, you or St. Clair? I hope +you will get before her!" + +"Why?" I ventured to ask. + +"Oh, you're the best of the two; everybody knows that. But St. Clair +is smart, isn't she?" + +"She thinks she is," answered another speaker; "she believes she's at +the tip-top of creation; but she never had such a pretty dress on as +that in her days; and she knows it and she don't like it. It's real +fun to see St. Clair beat; she thinks she is so much better than other +girls, and she has such a way of twisting that upper lip of hers. Do +you know how St. Clair twists her upper lip? Look!--she's doing it +now." + +"She's handsome though, ain't she?" said Miss Macy. "She'll be +beautiful." + +"No," said Mlle. Géneviève; "not that. Never that. She will be +handsome; but beauty is a thing of the soul. _She_ will not be +beautiful. Daisy, are you going to work hard this year?" + +"Yes, mademoiselle." + +"I believe you," she said, taking my face between her two hands and +kissing it. + +"Whoever saw Mlle. Géneviève do that before!" said Miss Macy, as the +other left us. "She is not apt to like the scholars." + +I knew she had always liked me. But everybody had always liked me, I +reflected; this time at school was the first of my knowing anything +different. And in this there now came a change. Since my wearing and +using the Paris things sent to me by my mother, which I dared not fail +to use and wear, I noticed that my company was more sought in the +school. Also my words were deferred to, in a way they had not been +before. I found, and it was not an unpleasant thing, that I had grown +to be a person of consequence. Even with the French and English +teachers; I observed that they treated me with more consideration. And +so I reflected within myself again over Dr. Sandford's observation, +"_L'habit, c'est l'homme._" Of course it was a consideration given to +my clothes, a consideration also to be given up if I did not wear such +clothes. I saw all that. The world _knew me_, just for the moment. + +Well, the smooth way was very pleasant. I had it with everybody for a +time. + +My little room-mate and classmate St. Clair was perhaps the only +exception to the general rule. I never felt that she liked me much. +She let me alone, however; until one unlucky day--I do not mean to +call it unlucky, either--when we had, as usual, compositions to write, +and the theme given out was "Ruins." It was a delightful theme to me. +I did not always enjoy writing compositions; this one gave me +permission to roam in thoughts and imaginations that I liked. I went +back to my old Egyptian studies at Magnolia, and wrote my composition +about "Karnak." The subject was full in my memory; I had gone over and +over and all through it; I had measured the enormous pillars and great +gateways, and studied the sculpture on the walls, and paced up and +down the great avenue of sphinxes. Sethos, and Amunoph and Rameses, +the second and third, were all known and familiar to me; and I knew +just where Shishak had recorded his triumphs over the land of Judea. I +wrote my composition with the greatest delight. The only danger was +that I might make it too long. + +One evening I was using the last of the light, writing in the window +recess of the school parlour, when I felt a hand laid on my shoulders. + +"You are so hard at work!" said the voice of Mlle. Géneviève. + +"Yes, mademoiselle, I like it." + +"Have you got all the books and all that you want?" + +"Books, mademoiselle?"--I said wondering. + +"Yes; have you got all you want?" + +"I have not got any books," I said; "there are none that I want in the +school library." + +"Have you never been in madame's library?" + +"No, mademoiselle." + +"Come!" + +I jumped up and followed her, up and down stairs and through halls and +turnings, till she brought me into a pretty room lined with books from +floor to ceiling. Nobody was there. Mademoiselle lit the gas with +great energy, and then turned to me, her great black eyes shining. + +"Now what do you want, _mon enfant_? here is everything." + +"Is there anything about Egypt?" + +"Egypt! Are you in Egypt? See here--look, here is Denon--here is +Laborde; here are two or three more. Do you like that? Ah! I see by +the way your grey eyes grow big--Now sit down, and do what you like. +Nobody will disturb you. You can come here every evening for the hour +before tea." + +Mademoiselle scarce stayed for my thanks, and left me alone. I had not +seen either Laborde or Denon in my grandfather's library at Magnolia; +they were after his time. The engravings and illustrations also had +not been very many or very fine in his collection of travellers' +books. It was the greatest joy to me to see some of those things in +Mme. Ricard's library, that I had read and dreamed about so long in my +head. It was adding eyesight to hearsay. I found a good deal too that +I wanted to read, in these later authorities. Evening after evening I +was in madame's library, lost among the halls of the old Egyptian +conquerors. + +The interest and delight of my work quite filled me, so that the fate of +my composition hardly came into my thoughts, or the fact that other +people were writing compositions too. And when it was done, I was simply +very sorry that it was done. I had not written it for honour or for duty, +but for love. I suppose that was the reason why it succeeded. I remember +I was anything but satisfied with it myself, as I was reading it aloud +for the benefit of my judges. For it was a day of prize compositions; and +before the whole school and even some visitors, the writings of the girls +were given aloud, each by its author. I thought, as I read mine, how poor +it was, and how magnificent my subject demanded that it should be. Under +the shade of the great columns, before those fine old sphinxes, my words +and myself seemed very small. I sat down in my place again, glad that the +reading was over. + +But there was a little buzz; then a dead expectant silence; then Mme. +Ricard arose. My composition had been the last one. I looked up with +the rest, to hear the award that she would speak; and was at first +very much confounded to hear my own name called. "Miss Randolph--" It +did not occur to me what it was spoken for; I sat still a moment in a +maze. Mme. Ricard stood waiting; all the room was in a hush. + +"Don't you hear yourself called?" said a voice behind me. "Why don't +you go?" + +I looked round at Miss Macy, who was my adviser, then doubtfully I +looked away from her and caught the eyes of Mlle. Géneviève. She +nodded and beckoned me to come forward. I did it hastily then, and +found myself curtseying in front of the platform where stood madame. + +"The prize is yours, Miss Randolph," she said graciously. "Your paper +is approved by all the judges." + +"Quite artistic,"--I heard a gentleman say at her elbow. + +"And it shows an amount of thorough study and perfect preparation, +which I can but hold up as a model to all my young ladies. You deserve +this, my dear." + +I was confounded; and a low curtsey was only a natural relief to my +feelings. But madame unhappily took it otherwise. + +"This is yours," she said, putting into my hands an elegant little +bronze standish;--"and if I had another prize to bestow for grace of +good manners, I am sure I would have the pleasure of giving you that +too." + +I bent again before madame, and got back to my seat as I could. The +great business of the day was over, and we soon scattered to our +rooms. And I had not been in mine five minutes before the penalties of +being distinguished began to come upon me. + +"Well, Daisy!" said Miss Lansing,--"you've got it. How pretty! isn't +it, Macy?" + +"It isn't a bit prettier than it ought to be, for a prize in such a +school," said Miss Macy. "It will do." + +"I've seen handsomer prizes," said Miss Bentley. + +"But you've got it, more ways than one, Daisy," Miss Lansing went on. +"I declare! Aren't you a distinguished young lady! Madame, too! why we +all used to think we behaved pretty well _before company_,--didn't we, +St. Clair?" + +"I hate favour and favouritism!" said that young lady, her upper lip +taking the peculiar turn to which my attention had once been called. +"Madame likes whatever is French." + +"But Randolph is not French, are you, Randolph?" said Blackeyes, who +was good-natured through everything. + +"Madame is not French herself," said Miss Bentley. + +"I hate everything at school!" St. Clair went on. + +"It's too bad," said her friend. "Do you know, Daisy, St. Clair always +has the prize for compositions. What made you go and write that long +stuff about Rameses? the people didn't understand it, and so they +thought it was fine." + +"I am sure there was a great deal finer writing in Faustina's +composition," said Miss Bentley. + +I knew very well that Miss St. Clair had been accustomed to win this +half-yearly prize for good writing. I had expected nothing but that +she would win it this time. I had counted neither on my own success +nor on the displeasure it would raise. I took my hat and went over to +my dear Miss Cardigan; hoping that ill-humour would have worked itself +out by bed-time. But I was mistaken. + +St Clair and I had been pretty near each other in our classes, though +once or twice lately I had got an advantage over her; but we had kept +on terms of cool social distance until now. Now the spirit of rivalry +was awake. I think it began to stir at my Paris dresses and things; +Karnak and Mme. Ricard finished the mischief. + +On my first coming to school I had been tempted in my horror at the +utter want of privacy to go to bed without prayer; waiting till the +rest were all laid down and asleep and the lights out, and then +slipping out of bed with great care not to make a noise, and watching +that no whisper of my lips should be loud enough to disturb anybody's +slumbers. But I was sure after a while, that this was a cowardly way +of doing; and I could not bear the words, "Whosoever shall be ashamed +of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when He +cometh in the glory of His Father." I determined in the vacation that +I would do so no more, cost what it might the contrary. It cost a +tremendous struggle. I think, in all my life I have done few harder +things, than it was to me then to kneel down by the side of my bed in +full blaze of the gaslights and with four curious pairs of eyes around +to look on; to say nothing of the four busy tongues wagging about +nothing all the time. I remember what a hush fell upon them the first +night; while beyond the posture of prayer I could do little. Only +unformed or half formed thoughts and petitions struggled in my mind, +through a crowd of jostling regrets and wishes and confusions, in +which I could hardly distinguish anything. But no explosion followed, +of either ridicule or amusement, and I had been suffered from that +night to do as I would, not certainly always in silence, but quite +unmolested. + +I had carried over my standish to Miss Cardigan to ask her to take +care of it for me; I had no place to keep it. But Miss Cardigan was +not satisfied to see the prize; she wanted to hear the essay read; and +was altogether so elated that a little undue elation perhaps crept +into my own heart. It was not a good preparation for what was coming. + +I went home in good time. In the hall, however, Mlle. Géneviève seized +upon me; she had several things to say, and before I got up stairs to +my room all the rest of its inmates were in bed. I hoped they were +asleep. I heard no sound while I was undressing, nor while I knelt, as +usual now, by my bedside. But as I rose from my knees I was startled +by a sort of grunt that came from St. Clair's corner. + +"Humph!--Dear me! we're so good,--Grace and Devotion,--Christian +grace, too!" + +"Hold your tongue, St. Clair," said Miss Macy, but not in a way, I +thought, to check her; if she could have been checked. + +"But it's too bad, Macy," said the girl. "We're all so rough, you +know. _We_ don't know how to behave ourselves; we can't make curtseys; +our mothers never taught us anything,--and dancing masters are no +good. We ought to go to Egypt. There isn't anything so truly dignified +as a pyramid. There is a great deal of _à plomb_ there!" + +"Who talked about _à plomb_?" said Miss Bentley. + +"You have enough of that, at any rate, Faustina," said Lansing. + +"Mrs. St. Clair's child ought to have that," said Miss Macy. + +"Ah, but it isn't Christian grace, after all," persisted Faustina. +"You want a cross at the top of a pyramid to make it perfect." + +"Hush, Faustina!" said Miss Macy. + +"It's fair,"--said Miss Bentley. + +"You had better not talk about Christian grace, girls. That isn't a +matter of opinion." + +"Oh, isn't it!" cried St. Clair, half rising up in her bed. "What is +it, then?" + +Nobody answered. + +"I say!--Macy, what _is_ Christian grace--if you know! If you _don't_ +know, I'll put you in the way to find out." + +"How shall I find out?" + +"Will you do it, if I show it you?" + +"Yes." + +"Ask Randolph. That's the first step. Ask her,--yes! just ask her, if +you want to know. I wish Mme. Ricard was here to hear the answer." + +"Nonsense!" said Macy. + +"Ask her! You said you would. Now ask her." + +"What is Christian grace, Daisy?" said Miss Bentley. + +I heard, but I would not answer. I hoped the storm would blow over, +after a puff or two. But Blackeyes, without any ill-nature, I think, +which was not in her, had got into the gale. She slipped out of bed +and came to my side, putting her hand on my shoulder and bringing her +laughing mouth down near my ear. A very angry impulse moved me before +she spoke. + +"Daisy!"--she said, laughing, in a loud whisper,--"come, wake up! +you're not asleep, you know. Wake up and tell us;--everybody knows +_you_ know;--what _is_ Christian grace? Daisy!--" + +She shook me a little. + +"If you knew, you would not ask me,"--I said in great displeasure. But +a delighted shout from all my room-mates answered this unlucky speech, +which I had been too excited to make logical. + +"Capital!" cried St. Clair. "That's just it--we _don't_ know; and we +only want to find out whether she does. Make her tell, Lansing--prick +a little pin into her--that will bring it out." + +I was struggling between anger and sorrow, feeling very hurt, and at the +same time determined not to cry. I kept absolutely still, fighting the +fight of silence with myself. Then Lansing, in a fit of thoughtless +mischief, finding her shakes and questions vain, actually put in practice +St. Clair's suggestion, and attacked me with a pin from the dressing +table. The first prick of it overthrew the last remnant of my patience. + +"Miss Lansing!"--I exclaimed, rousing up in bed and confronting her. +They all shouted again. + +"Now we'll have it!" cried St. Clair. "Keep cool, Blackeyes; let's +hear--we'll have an exposition now. Theme, Christian grace." + +Ah, there rushed through my heart with her words a remembrance of +other words--a fluttering vision of something "gentle and easy to be +entreated"--"first pure, then peaceable"--"gentleness, goodness, +meekness."--But the grip of passion held them all down or kept them +all back. After St. Clair's first burst, the girls were still and +waited for what I would say. I was facing Miss Lansing, who had taken +her hand from my shoulder. + +"Are you not ashamed of yourself?" I said; and I remember I thought +how my mother would have spoken to them. "Miss Lansing's good +nature"--I went on slowly,--"Miss Macy's kindness--Miss Bentley's +independence--and Miss St. Clair's good breeding!"-- + +"_And_ Miss Randolph's religion!" echoed the last-named, with a quiet +distinctness which went into my heart. + +"What about my independence?" said Miss Bentley. + +"Now we've got enough, girls,--lie down and go to sleep," said Miss +Macy. "There's quite enough of this. There was too much before we +began. Stop where you are." + +They did not stop, however, without a good deal of noisy chaffing and +arguing, none of which I heard. Only the words, "Miss Randolph's +religion," rung in my ears. I lay down with them lying like lead on my +heart. I went to sleep under them. I woke up early, while all the rest +were asleep, and began to study them. + +"Miss Randolph's religion!" If it had been only that, only mine. But the +religion I professed was the religion of Christ; the name I was called by +was _His_ name, the thing I had brought into discredit was His truth. I +hope in all my life I may never know again the heart-pangs that this +thought cost me. I studied how to undo the mischief I had done. I could +find no way. I had seemed to prove my religion an unsteady, superficial +thing; the evidence I had given I could not withdraw; it must stand. I +lay thinking, with the heartache, until the rousing bell rang, and the +sleepers began to stir from their slumbers. I got up and began to dress +with the rest. + +"What was it all that happened last night?" said Miss Lansing. + +"Advancement in knowledge,"--said Miss St. Clair. + +"Now, girls--don't begin again," said Miss Macy. + +"Knowledge is a good thing," said the other, with pins in her mouth. +"I intend to take every opportunity that offers of increasing mine; +especially I mean to study Egyptians and Christians. I haven't any +Christians among my own family or acquaintance--so you see, naturally, +Macy, I am curious; and when a good specimen offers--" + +"I am not a good specimen," I said. + +"People are not good judges of themselves, it is said," the girl went +on. "Everybody considers Miss Randolph a sample of what that article +ought to be." + +"You don't use the word right," remarked Miss Macy. "A _sample_ is +taken from what is,--not from what ought to be." + +"I don't care," was St. Clair's reply. + +"I did not behave like a Christian last night," I forced myself to +say. "I was impatient." + +"Like an impatient Christian then, I suppose," said St Clair. + +I felt myself getting impatient again, with all my sorrow and +humiliation of heart. And yet more humbled at the consciousness, I +hastened to get out of the room. It was a miserable day, that day of +my first school triumphs, and so were several more that followed. I +was very busy; I had no time for recollection and prayer; I was in the +midst of gratulations and plaudits from my companions and the +teachers; and I missed, O how I missed the praise of God. I felt like +a traitor. In the heat of the fight I had let my colours come to the +ground. I had dishonoured my Captain. Some would say it was a little +thing; but I felt then and I know now, there are no little things; I +knew I had done harm; how much it was utterly beyond my reach to know. + +As soon as I could I seized an opportunity to get to Miss Cardigan. I +found her among her flowers, nipping off here a leaf and there a +flower that had passed its time; so busy, that for a few moments she +did not see that I was different from usual. Then came the question +which I had been looking for. + +"Daisy, you are not right to-day?" + +"I haven't been right since I got that standish," I burst forth. + +Miss Cardigan looked at me again, and then did what I had not +expected; she took my head between her two hands and kissed me. Not +loosing her hold, she looked into my face. + +"What is it, my pet?" + +"Miss Cardigan," I said, "can any one be a Christian and yet--yet--" + +"Do something unworthy a Christian?" she said. "I wot well they can! +But then, they are weak Christians." + +I knew that before. But somehow, hearing her say it brought the shame +and the sorrow more fresh to the surface. The tears came. Miss +Cardigan pulled me into the next room and sat down, drawing me into +her arms; and I wept there with her arms about me. + +"What then, Daisy?" she asked at length, as if the suspense pained +her. + +"I acted so, Miss Cardigan," I said; and I told her all about it. + +"So the devil has found a weak spot in your armour," she said. "You +must guard it well, Daisy." + +"How can I?" + +"How can you? Keep your shield before it, my bairn. What is your +shield for? The Lord has given you a great strong shield, big enough +to cover you from head to foot, if your hands know how to manage it." + +"What is that, Miss Cardigan?" + +"The shield of _faith_, dear. Only believe. According to your faith be +it unto you." + +"Believe what?" I asked, lifting my head at last. + +"Believe that if you are a weak little soldier, your Captain knows all +about it; and any fight that you go into for His sake, He will bear +you through. I don't care what. Any fight, Daisy." + +"But I got impatient," I said, "at the girls' way of talking." + +"And perhaps you were a wee bit set up in your heart because you got +the prize of the day." + +"_Proud!_" said I. + +"Don't it look like it? Even proud of being a Christian, mayhap." + +"Could I!" I said. "Was I?" + +"It wouldn't be the first time one with as little cause had got puffed +up a bit. But heavenly charity 'is not puffed up.'" + +"I know that," I said and my tears started afresh. + +"How shall I help it in future?" I asked after a while, during which +my friend had been silent. + +"Help it?" she said cheerfully. "You can't help it--but Jesus can." + +"But my impatience, and--my pride," I said, very downcast. + +"'Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy; when I fall I shall arise.' +But there is no need you should fall, Daisy. Remember 'the Lord is +able to make him stand'--may be said of every one of the Lord's +people." + +"But will He keep me from impatience, and take pride out of my heart? +Why, I did not know it was there, Miss Cardigan." + +"Did He say 'Whatsoever you shall ask in my name, I will do it?' And +when He has written 'Whatsoever,' are you going to write it over and +put 'anything not too hard'? Neither you nor me, Daisy?" + +"_Whatsoever_, Miss Cardigan," I said slowly. + +"He said so. Are you going to write it over again?" + +"No," I said. "But then, may one have _anything_ one asks for." + +"Anything in the world--if it is not contrary to His will--provided we +ask in faith, nothing doubting. 'For he that wavereth is like a wave +of the sea, driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man +think that he shall receive anything of the Lord.'" + +"But how can we _know_ what is according to His will?" + +"_This_ is, at any rate," said Miss Cardigan; "for He has commanded us +to be holy as He is holy." + +"But--other things?" I said. "How can one ask for everything 'in +faith, nothing wavering?' How can one be sure?" + +"Only just this one way, Daisy, my dear," Miss Cardigan answered; and +I remember to this day the accent of her native land which touched +every word. "If ye're wholly the Lord's--wholly, mind,--ye'll not like +aught but what the Lord likes; ye'll know what to ask for, and ye'll +know the Lord will give it to you:--that is, if ye want it _enough_. +But a 'double-minded man is unstable in all his ways;' and his prayers +can't hit the mark, no more than a gun that's twisted when it's going +off." + +"Then,"--I began and stopped, looking at her with my eyes full of +tears. + +"Ay," she said,--"just so. There's no need that you nor me should be +under the power of the evil one, for we're _free_. The Lord's words +arn't too good to be true: every one of 'em is as high as heaven; and +there isn't a sin nor an enemy but you and I may be safe from, if we +trust the Lord." + +I do not remember any more of the conversation. I only know that the sun +rose on my difficulties, and the shadows melted away. I had a happy +evening with my dear old friend, and went home quite heart-whole. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + +GREY COATS. + + +I went back to school comforted. I had got strength to face all that +might be coming in the future. And life has been a different thing to +me ever since. Paul's words, "I can do all things through Christ,"--I +have learned are not his words any more than mine. + +From that time I grew more and more popular in the school. I cannot +tell why; but popularity is a thing that grows upon its own growth. It +was only a little while before my companions almost all made a pet of +me. It is humbling to know that this effect was hastened by some of +the French dresses my mother had sent me, and which convenience +obliged me to wear. They were extremely pretty; the girls came round +me to know where I got them, and talked about who I was; and "Daisy +Randolph," was the name most favoured by their lips from that time +until school closed. With the exception, I must add, of my four +room-mates. Miss St. Clair held herself entirely aloof from me, and +the others chose her party rather than mine. St. Clair never lost, I +think, any good chance or omitted any fair scheme to provoke me; but +all she could do had lost its power. I tried to soften her; but +Faustina was a rock to my advances. I knew I had done irreparable +wrong that evening; the thought of it was almost the only trouble I +had during those months. + +An old trouble was brought suddenly home to me one day. I was told a +person wanted to speak to me in the lower hall. I ran down, and found +Margaret. She was in the cloak and dress I had bought for her; looking +at first very gleeful, and then very business-like, as she brought out +from under her cloak a bit of paper folded with something in it. + +"What is this?" I said, finding a roll of bills. + +"It's my wages, Miss Daisy. I only kept out two dollars, ma'am--I +wanted a pair of shoes so bad--and I couldn't be let go about the +house in them old shoes with holes in 'em; there was holes in both of +'em, Miss Daisy." + +"But your wages, Margaret?" I said--"I have nothing to do with your +wages." + +"Yes, Miss Daisy--they belongs to master, and I allowed to bring 'em +to you. They's all there so fur. It's all right." + +I felt the hot shame mounting to my face. I put the money back in +Margaret's hand, and hurriedly told her to keep it; we were not at +Magnolia; she might do what she liked with the money; it was her own +earnings. + +I shall never forget the girl's confounded look, and then her grin of +brilliant pleasure. I could have burst into tears as I went up the +stairs, thinking of others at home. Yet the question came too, would +my father like what I had been doing? He held the girl to be his +property and her earnings his earnings. Had I been giving Margaret a +lesson in rebellion, and preparing her to claim her rights at some +future day? Perhaps. And I made up my mind that I did not care. Live +upon stolen money I would not, any more than I could help. But was I +not living on it all the while? The old subject brought back! I +worried over it all the rest of the day, with many a look forward and +back. + +As the time of the vacation drew near, I looked hard for news of my +father and mother, or tidings of their coming home. There were none. +Indeed, I got no letters at all. There was nothing to cause uneasiness; +the intervals were often long between one packet of letters and the next; +but I wanted to hear of some change now that the school year was ended. +It had been a good year to me. In that little world I had met and faced +some of the hardest temptations of the great world; they could never be +new to me again; and I had learned both my weakness and my strength. + +No summons to happiness reached me that year. My vacation was spent +again with my Aunt Gary, and without Preston. September saw me quietly +settled at my studies for another school year; to be gone through with +what patience I might. + +That school year had nothing to chronicle. I was very busy, very +popular, kindly treated by my teachers, and happy in a smooth course +of life. Faustina St. Clair had been removed from the school; to some +other I believe; and with her went all my causes of annoyance. The +year rolled round, my father and mother in China or on the high seas; +and my sixteenth summer opened upon me. + +A day or two before the close of school, I was called to the parlour +to see a lady. Not my aunt; it was Mrs. Sandford; and the doctor was +with her. + +I had not seen Mrs. Sandford, I must explain, for nearly a year; she +had been away in another part of the country, far from New York. + +"Why, Daisy!--is this Daisy?" she exclaimed. + +"Is it not?" I asked. + +"Not the old Daisy. You are so grown, my dear!--so--That's right, +Grant; let us have a little light to see each other by." + +"It is Miss Randolph--" said the doctor, after he had drawn up the +window shade. + +"Like her mother! isn't she? and yet, not like--" + +"Not at all like." + +"She is, though, Grant; you are mistaken; she _is_ like her mother; +though as I said, she isn't. I never saw anybody so improved. My dear, +I shall tell all my friends to send their daughters to Mme. Ricard." + +"Dr. Sandford," said I, "Mme. Ricard does not like to have the sun +shine into this room." + +"It's Daisy, too," said the doctor, smiling, as he drew down the shade +again. "Don't _you_ like it, Miss Daisy?" + +"Yes, of course," I said; "but she does not." + +"It is not at all a matter of course," said he; "except as you are +Daisy. Some people, as you have just told me, are afraid of the sun." + +"Oh, that is only for the carpets," I said. + +Dr. Sandford gave me a good look, like one of his looks of old times, +that carried me right back somehow to Juanita's cottage. + +"How do you do, Daisy?" + +"A little pale," said Mrs. Sandford. + +"Let her speak for herself." + +I said I did not know I was pale. + +"Did you know you had head-ache a good deal of the time?" + +"Yes, Dr. Sandford, I knew that. It is not very bad." + +"Does not hinder you from going on with study?" + +"Oh no, never." + +"You have a good deal of time for study at night, too, do you +not?--after the lights are out." + +"At night? how did you know that? But it is not always _study_." + +"No. You consume also a good deal of beef and mutton, nowadays? You +prefer substantials in food as in everything else?" + +I looked at my guardian, very much surprised that he should see all +this in my face, and with a little of my childish fascination about +those steady blue eyes. I could not deny that in these days I scarcely +lived by eating. But in the eagerness and pleasure of my pursuits I +had not missed it, and amid my many busy and anxious thoughts I had +not cared about it. + +"That will do," said the doctor. "Daisy, have you heard lately from +your father or mother?" + +My breath came short as I said no. + +"Nor have I. Failing orders from them, you are bound to respect mine; +and I order you change of air, and to go wherever Mrs. Sandford +proposes to take you." + +"Not before school closes, Dr. Sandford?" + +"Do you care about that?" + +"My dear child," said Mrs. Sandford, "we are going to West Point--and +we want to take you with us. I know you will enjoy it, my dear; and I +shall be delighted to have you. But we want to go next week." + +"Do you care, Daisy?" Dr. Sandford repeated. + +I had to consider. One week more, and the examination would be over +and the school term ended. I was ready for the examination; I expected +to keep my standing, which was very high; by going away now I should +lose that, and miss some distinction. So at least I thought. I found +that several things were at work in my heart that I had not known were +there. After a minute I told Mrs. Sandford I would go with her when +she pleased. + +"You have made up your mind that you do not care about staying to the +end here?" said the doctor. + +"Dr. Sandford," I said, "I believe I _do_ care; but not about anything +worth while." + +He took both my hands, standing before me, and looked at me, I +thought, as if I were the old little child again. + +"A course of fresh air," he said, "will do you more good than a course +of any other thing just now. And we may find 'wonderful things' at +West Point, Daisy." + +"I expect you will enjoy it, Daisy," Mrs. Sandford repeated. + +There was no fear. I knew I should see Preston, at any rate; and I had +been among brick walls for many months. I winced a little at the +thought of missing all I had counted upon at the close of term; but it +was mainly pride that winced, so it was no matter. + +We left the city three or four days later. It was a June day--can I +ever forget it? What a brilliance of remembrance comes over me now? +The bustle of the close schoolrooms, the heat and dust of the sunny +city streets, were all left behind in an hour; and New York was +nowhere! The waves of the river sparkled under a summer breeze; the +wall of the palisades stretched along, like the barriers of fairyland; +so they seemed to me; only the barrier was open and I was about to +enter. So till their grey and green ramparts were passed, and the +broader reaches of the river beyond, and as evening began to draw in +we came to higher shores and a narrower channel, and were threading +our way among the lights and shadows of opposing headlands and +hilltops. It grew but more fresh and fair as the sun got lower. Then, +in a place where the river seemed to come to an end, the "Pipe of +Peace" drew close in under the western shore, to a landing. Buildings +of grey stone clustered and looked over the bank. Close under the +bank's green fringes a little boat-house and large clean wooden pier +received us; from the landing a road went steeply sloping up. I see it +all now in the colours which clothed it then. I think I entered +fairyland when I touched foot to shore. Even down at the landing, +everything was clean and fresh and in order. The green branches of +that thick fringe which reached to the top of the bank had no dust on +them; the rocks were parti-coloured with lichens; the river was +bright, flowing and rippling past; the "Pipe of Peace" had pushed off +and sped on, and in another minute or two was turning the point, and +then--out of sight. Stillness seemed to fill the woods and the air as +the beat of her paddles was lost. I breathed stillness. New York was +fifty miles away, physically and morally at the antipodes. + +I find it hard to write without epithets. As I said I was in +fairyland; and how shall one describe fairyland? + +Dr. Sandford broke upon my reverie by putting me into the omnibus. But +the omnibus quite belonged to fairyland too; it did not go rattling +and jolting, but stole quietly up the long hill; letting me enjoy a +view of the river and the hills of the opposite shore, coloured as +they were by the setting sun, and crisp and sharp in the cool June +air. Then a great round-topped building came in place of my view; the +road took a turn behind it. + +"What is that?" I asked the doctor. + +"I am sorry, Daisy, I don't know. I am quite as ignorant as yourself." + +"That's the riding-hall," I heard somebody say. + +One omnibus full had gone up before us; and there were only two or +three people in ours besides our own party. I looked round, and saw +that the information had been given by a young man in a sort of +uniform; he was all in grey, with large round gilt buttons on his +coat, and a soldier's cap. The words had been spoken in a civil tone, +that tempted me on. + +"Thank you!" I said. "The riding-hall!--who rides in it?" + +"We do," he said, and then smiled,--"The cadets." + +It was a frank smile and a pleasant face and utterly the look of a +gentleman. So, though I saw that he was very much amused, either at +himself or me, I went on-- + +"And those other buildings?" + +"Those are the stables." + +I wondered at the neat beautiful order of the place. Then, the omnibus +slowly mounting the hill, the riding-hall and stables were lost to +sight. Another building, of more pretension, appeared on our left +hand, on the brow of the ascent; our road turned the corner round this +building, and beneath a grove of young trees the gothic buttresses and +windows of grey stone peeped out. Carefully dressed green turf, with +gravelled walks leading from different directions to the doors, looked +as if this was a place of business. Somebody pulled the string here +and the omnibus stopped. + +"This is the library," my neighbour in grey remarked; and with that +rising and lifting his cap, he jumped out. I watched him rapidly +walking into the library; he was tall, very erect, with a fine free +carriage and firm step. But then the omnibus was moving on and I +turned to the other side. And the beauty took away my breath. There +was the green plain girded with trees and houses, beset with hills, +the tops of which I could see in the distance, with the evening light +upon them. The omnibus went straight over the plain; green and smooth +and fresh, it lay on the one side and on the other side of us, +excepting one broad strip on the right. I wondered what had taken off +the grass there; but then we passed within a hedge enclosure and drew +up at the hotel steps. + +"Have you met an acquaintance already, Daisy?" Dr. Sandford asked as +he handed me out. + +"An acquaintance?" said I. "No, but I shall find him soon, I suppose." +For I was thinking of Preston. But I forgot Preston the next minute. +Mrs. Sandford had seized my hand and drew me up the piazza steps and +through the hall, out to the piazza at the north side of the house. I +was in fairyland surely! I had thought so before, but I knew it now. +Those grand hills, in the evening colours, standing over against each +other on the east and on the west, and the full magnificent river +lying between them, bright and stately, were like nothing I had ever +seen or imagined. My memory goes back now to point after point of +delight which bewildered me. There was a dainty little sail sweeping +across just at the bend of the river; I have seen many since; I never +forget that one. There was a shoulder of one of the eastern hills, +thrown out towards the south-west, over which the evening light fell +in a mantle of soft gold, with a fold of shadow on the other side. The +tops of those eastern hills were warm with sunlight, and here and +there a slope of the western hills. There was a point of the lower +ground, thrust out into the river, between me and the eastern shore, +which lay wholly in shadow, one shadow, one soft mass of dusky green, +rounding out into a promontory. Above it, beyond it, at the foot of +the hills, a white church spire rose as sharp as a needle. It is all +before me, even the summer stillness in which my senses were wrapt. +There was a clatter in the house behind me, but I did not hear it +then. + +I was obliged to go away to get ready for tea. The house was full; +only one room could be spared for Mrs. Sandford and me. That one had +been engaged beforehand, and its window looked over the same view I +had seen from the piazza. I took my post at this window while waiting +for Mrs. Sandford. Cooler and crisper the lights, cooler and grayer +the shadows had grown; the shoulder of the east mountain had lost its +mantle of light; just a gleam rested on a peak higher up; and my +single white sail was getting small in the distance, beating up the +river. I was very happy. My school year, practically, was finished, +and I was vaguely expecting some order or turn of affairs which would +join me to my father and mother. I remember well what a flood of +satisfied joy poured into my heart as I stood at the window. I seemed +to my self so very rich, to taste all that delight of hills and river; +the richness of God's giving struck me with a sort of wonder. And then +being so enriched and tasting the deep treasures of heaven and earth +which I had been made to know, happy so exceedingly--it came to my +heart with a kind of pang, the longing to make others know what I +knew; and the secret determination to use all my strength as Christ's +servant--in bringing others to the joy of the knowledge of Him. + +I was called from my window then, and my view was exchanged for the +crowded dining-room, where I could eat nothing. But after tea we got +out upon the piazza again, and a soft north-west breeze seemed to be +food and refreshment too. Mrs. Sandford soon found a colonel and a +general to talk to; but Dr. Sandford sat down by me. + +"How do you like it, Daisy?" + +I told him, and thanked him for bringing me. + +"Are you tired?" + +"No--I don't think I am tired." + +"You are not hungry, of course, for you can eat nothing. Do you think +you shall sleep?" + +"I don't feel like it now. I do not generally get sleepy till a great +while after this." + +"You will go to sleep somewhere about nine o'clock," said the doctor; +"and not wake up till you are called in the morning." + +I thought he was mistaken, but as I could not prove it I said nothing. + +"Are you glad to get away from school?" + +"On some accounts. I like school too, Dr. Sandford; but there are some +things I do not like." + +"That remark might be made, Daisy, about every condition of life with +which I am acquainted." + +"I could not make it just now," I said. He smiled. + +"Have you secured a large circle of friends among your +schoolmates,--that are to last for ever?" + +"I do not think they love me well enough for that," I said, wondering +somewhat at my guardian's questioning mood. + +"Nor you them?" + +"I suppose not." + +"Why, Daisy," said Mrs. Sandford, "I am surprised! I thought you used +to love everybody." + +I tried to think how that might be, and whether I had changed. Dr. +Sandford interrupted my thoughts again-- + +"How is it with friends out of school?" + +"Oh, I have none," I said; thinking only of girls like myself. + +"None?" he said. "Do you really know nobody in New York?" + +"Nobody,--but one old lady." + +"Who is that, Daisy?" + +He asked short and coolly, like one who had a right to know; and then +I remembered he had the right. I gave him Miss Cardigan's name and +number. + +"Who is she? and who lives with her?" + +"Nobody lives with her; she has only her servants." + +"What do you know about her then, besides what she has told you? +Excuse me, and please have the grace to satisfy me." + +"I know I must," I said half laughing. + +"_Must?_" + +"You know I must too, Dr. Sandford." + +"I don't know it, indeed," said he. "I know I must ask; but I do not +know what power can force you to answer." + +"Isn't it my duty, Dr. Sandford?" + +"Nobody but Daisy Randolph would have asked that question," he said. +"Well, if duty is on my side, I know I am powerful. But, Daisy, you +always used to answer me, in times when there was no duty in the +case." + +"I remember," I said, smiling to think of it; "but I was a child then, +Dr. Sandford." + +"Oh!--Well, apropos of duty, you may go on about Miss Cardigan." + +"I do not know a great deal to tell. Only that she is very good, very +kind to me and everybody; very rich, I believe; and very wise, I +think. I know nothing more--except the way her money was made." + +"How was it?" + +"I have heard that her mother was a marketwoman," I said very +unwillingly; for I knew the conclusions that would be drawn. + +"Is it likely," Dr. Sandford said slowly, "that the daughter of a +marketwoman should be a good friend in every respect for the daughter +of Mrs. Randolph?" + +"It may not be _likely_," I answered with equal slowness;--"but it is +true." + +"Can you prove your position, Daisy?" + +"What is your objection to her, Dr. Sandford?" + +"Simply what you have told me. The different classes of society are +better apart." + +I was silent. If Miss Cardigan was not of my class, I knew I wanted to +be of hers. There were certain words running in my head about "a royal +priesthood, a peculiar people," and certain other words too--which I +thought it was no use to tell Dr. Sandford. + +"She has no family, you say, nor friends who live with her, or whom +you meet at her house?" + +"None at all. I think she is quite alone." + +There was silence again. That is, between the doctor and me. Mrs. +Sandford and her officers kept up a great run of talk hard by. + +"Now, Daisy," said the doctor, "you have studied the matter, and I do +not doubt you have formed a philosophy of your own by this time. Pray +make me the wiser." + +"I have no philosophy of my own, Dr. Sandford." + +"Your own thus far, that nobody shares it with you." + +"Is that your notion of me?" I said, laughing. + +"A very good notion. Nothing is worse than commonplace people. Indulge +me, Daisy." + +So I thought I had better. + +"Dr. Sandford--if you will indulge me. What is _your_ notion of +dignity?" + +He passed his hand over his hair, with a comical face. It was a very +fine face, as I knew long ago; even a noble face. A steady, clear, +blue eye like his, gives one a sure impression of power in the +character, and of sweetness, too. I was glad he had asked me the +question, but I waited for him to answer mine first. + +"My notion of dignity!" he exclaimed. "I don't believe I have any, +Daisy." + +"No, but we are talking seriously." + +"Very. We always are when you are one of the talkers." + +"Then please explain your notion of dignity." + +"I know it when I see it," said the doctor; "but faith! I don't know +what makes it." + +"Yes, but you think some people, or some classes, are set up above +others." + +"So do you." + +"What do you think makes the highest class, then?" + +"You are going too deep, or too high, which is the same thing. All I +mean is, that certain feet which fate has planted on lofty levels, +ought not to come down from them." + +"But it is good to know where we stand." + +"Very," said Dr. Sandford, laughing. That is, in his way of laughing. +It was never loud. + +"I will tell you where I want to stand," I went on. "It is the highest +level of all. The Lord Jesus said, 'Whosoever shall do the will of my +Father which is in heaven, the same is MY BROTHER, and MY SISTER, and +MOTHER.' I want to be one of those." + +"But, Daisy," said Dr. Sandford, "the society of the world is not +arranged on that principle." + +I knew it very well. I said nothing. + +"And you cannot, just yet, go out of the world." + +It was no use to tell Dr. Sandford what I thought. I was silent still. + +"Daisy," said he, "you are worse than you used to be." And I heard a +little concern in his words, only half hid by the tone. + +"You do not suppose that such words as those you quoted just now, were +meant to be a practical guide in the daily affairs of life? Do you?" + +"How can I help it, Dr. Sandford?" I answered. "I would like to have +my friends among those whom the King will call His sisters and +brothers." + +"And what do you think of correct grammar, and clean hands?" he asked. + +"Clean hands!" I echoed. + +"You like them," he said, smiling. "The people you mean often go +without them--if report says true." + +"Not the people _I_ mean," I said. + +"And education, Daisy; and refined manners; and cultivated tastes; +what will you do without all these? In the society you speak of they +are seldom found." + +"You do not know the society I speak of, Dr. Sandford; and Miss +Cardigan has all these, more or less; besides something a great deal +better." + +Dr. Sandford rose up suddenly and introduced me to a Captain Southgate +who came up; and the conversation ran upon West Point things and +nothings after that. I was going back over my memory, to find in how +far religion had been associated with some other valued things in the +instances of my experience, and I heard little of what was said. Mr. +Dinwiddie had been a gentleman, as much as any one I ever knew; he was +the first. My old Juanita had the manners of a princess, and the tact +of a fine lady. Miss Cardigan was a capital compound of sense, +goodness, business energies, and gentle wisdom. The others--well, yes, +they were of the despised orders of the world. My friend Darry, at the +stables of Magnolia--my friend Maria, in the kitchen of the great +house--the other sable and sober faces that came around theirs in +memory's grouping--they were not educated nor polished nor elegant. +Yet well I knew, that having owned Christ before men, He would own +them before the angels of heaven; and what would they be in that day! +I was satisfied to be numbered with them. + +I slept, as Dr. Sandford had prophesied I would that night. I awoke to +a vision of beauty. + +My remembrance of those days that followed is like a summer morning, +with a diamond hanging to every blade of grass. + +I awoke suddenly, that first day, and rushed to the window. The light had +broken, the sun was up; the crown of the morning was upon the heads of +the hills; here and there a light wreath of mist lay along their sides, +floating slowly off, or softly dispersing; the river lay in quiet beauty +waiting for the gilding that should come upon it. I listened--the brisk +notes of a drum and fife came to my ear, playing one after another +joyous and dancing melody. I thought that never was a place so utterly +delightsome as this place. With all speed I dressed myself, noiselessly, +so as not to waken Mrs. Sandford; and then I resolved I would go out and +see if I could not find a place where I could be by myself; for in the +house there was no chance of it. I took Mr. Dinwiddie's Bible and stole +downstairs. From the piazza where we had sat last night, a flight of +steps led down. I followed it and found another flight, and still +another. The last landed me in a gravelled path; one track went down the +steep face of the bank, on the brow of which the hotel stood; another +track crossed that and wound away to my right, with a gentle downward +slope. I went this way. The air was delicious; the woods were musical +with birds; the morning light filled my pathway and glancing from trees +or rocks ahead of me, lured me on with a promise of glory. I seemed to +gather the promise as I went, and still I was drawn farther and farther. +Glimpses of the river began to show through the trees; for all this bank +side was thickly wooded. I left walking and took to running. At last I +came out upon another gravelled walk, low down on the hillside, lying +parallel with the river and open to it. Nothing lay between but some +masses of granite rock, grey and lichened, and a soft fringe of green +underbrush and small wood in the intervals. Moreover, I presently found a +comfortable seat on a huge grey stone, where the view was uninterrupted +by any wood growth; and if I thought before that this was fairyland, I +now almost thought myself a fairy. The broad river was at my feet; the +morning light was on all the shores, sparkled from the granite rocks +below me and flashed from the polished leaves, and glittered on the +water; filling all the blue above with radiance; touching here and there +a little downy cloud; entering in and lying on my heart. I shall never +forget it. The taste of the air was as one tastes life and strength and +vigour. It all rolled in on me a great burden of joy. + +It was not the worst time or place in the world to read the Bible. But +how all the voices of nature seemed to flow in and mix with the +reading, I cannot tell, no more than I can number them; the whirr of a +bird's wing, the liquid note of a wood thrush, the stir and movement +of a thousand leaves, the gurgle of rippling water, the crow's call, +and the song-sparrow's ecstasy. Once or twice the notes of a bugle +found their way down the hill, and reminded me that I was in a place +of delightful novelty. It was just a fillip to my enjoyment, as I +looked on and off my page alternately. + +By and by I heard footsteps, quick yet light footsteps, sounding on +the gravel. Measured and quick they came; then two figures rounded a +point close by me. There were two, but their footfalls had sounded as +one. They were dressed alike, all in grey, like my friend in the +omnibus. As they passed me, the nearest one hastily pulled off his +cap, and I caught just a flash from a bright eye. It was the same. I +looked after them as they left my point and were soon lost behind +another; thinking that probably Preston was dressed so and had been +taught to walk so; and with renewed admiration of a place where the +inhabitants kept such an exquisite neatness in their dress and moved +like music. There was a fulness of content in my mind, as at length I +slowly went back up my winding path to the hotel, warned by the +furious sounds of a gong that breakfast was in preparation. + +As I toiled up the last flight of steps I saw Dr. Sandford on the +piazza. His blue eye looked me all over and looked me through, I felt. +I was accustomed to that, both from the friend and the physician, and +rather liked it. + +"What is on the other side of the house?" I asked. + +"Let us go and see." And as we went, the doctor took my book from my +hand to carry it for me. He opened it, too, and looked at it. On the +other side or two sides of the house stretched away the level green +plain. At the back of it, stood houses half hidden by trees; indeed +all round two sides of the plain there was a border of buildings and +of flourishing trees as well. Down the north side, from the hotel +where we were, a road went winding: likewise under arching trees; here +and there I could see cannon and a bit of some military work. All the +centre of the plain was level and green, and empty; and from the hotel +to the library stretched a broad strip of bare ground, brown and +dusty, alongside of the road by which we had come across last night. +In the morning sun, as indeed under all other lights and at all other +hours, this scene was one of satisfying beauty. Behind the row of +houses at the western edge of the plain, the hills rose up, green and +wooded, height above height; and an old fortification stood out now +under the eastern illumination, picturesque and grey, high up among +them. As Dr. Sandford and I were silent and looking, I saw another +grey figure pass down the road. + +"Who are those people that wear grey, with a black stripe down the +leg?" I asked. + +"Grey?" said the doctor. "Where?" + +"There is one yonder under the trees," I said, "and there was one in +the omnibus yesterday. Are those the cadets?" + +"I suppose so." + +"Then Preston wears that dress. I wonder how I shall find him, Dr. +Sandford?" + +"Find whom?" said the doctor, waking up. + +"My cousin Preston--Preston Gary. He is here." + +"Here?" repeated the doctor. + +"Yes--he is a cadet--didn't you know it? He has been here a long +while; he has only one more year, I believe. How can we find him, Dr. +Sandford?" + +"I am ignorant, Daisy." + +"But we must find him," I said, "for of course he will want to see me, +and I want to see him, very much." + +The doctor was silent, and I remember an odd sense I had that he was +not pleased. I cannot tell how I got it; he neither did nor said +anything to make me think so; he did not even look anywise different +from usual; yet I felt it and was sure of it, and unspeakably +mystified at it. Could Preston have been doing anything wrong? Yet the +doctor would not know that, for he was not even aware that Preston was +in the Military Academy till I told him. + +"I do not know, Daisy," he said at last; "but we can find out. I will +ask Captain Southgate or somebody else." + +"Thank you," I said. "Who are those, Dr. Sandford, those others dressed +in dark frock coats, with bright bars over their shoulders?--like that +one just now going out of the gate?" + +"Those are officers of the army." + +"There are a good many of them. What are they here for? Are there many +soldiers here?" + +"No--" said the doctor, "I believe not. I think these gentlemen are +put here to look after the grey coats--the cadets, Daisy, The cadets +are here in training, you know." + +"But that officer who just went out--who is walking over the plain +now--he wore a sword, Dr. Sandford; and a red sash. They do not all +wear them. What is that for?" + +"What is under discussion?" said Mrs. Sandford, coming out. "How well +Daisy looks this morning, don't she?" + +"She has caught the military fever already," said the doctor. "I +brought her here for a sedative; but I find it is no such matter." + +"Sedative!" said Mrs. Sandford; but at this instant my ears were +"caught" by a burst of music on the plain. Mrs. Sandford broke into a +fit of laughter. The doctor's hand touched my shoulder. + +"Get your hat, Daisy," he said, "I will go with you to hear it." + +I might tell of pleasure from minute to minute of that day, and of the +days following. The breath of the air, the notes of the wind instruments, +the flicker of sunlight on the gravel, all come back to me as I write, +and I taste them again. Dr. Sandford and I went down the road I have +described, leading along the edge of the plain at its northern border; +from which the view up over the river, between the hills, was very +glorious. Fine young trees shaded this road; on one side a deep hollow or +cup in the green plain excited my curiosity; on the other, lying a little +down the bank, a military work of some odd sort planted with guns. Then +one or two pyramidal heaps of cannon-balls by the side of the road, +marked this out as unlike all other roads I had ever traversed. At the +farther side of the plain we came to the row of houses I had seen from a +distance, which ran north and south, looking eastward over all the plain. +The road which skirted these houses was shaded with large old trees, and +on the edge of the greensward under the trees we found a number of iron +seats placed for the convenience of spectators. And here, among many +others, Dr. Sandford and I sat down. + +There was a long line of the grey uniforms now drawn up in front of +us; at some little distance; standing still and doing nothing, that I +could see. Nearer to us and facing them stood a single grey figure; I +looked hard, but could not make out that it was Preston. Nearer still, +stood with arms folded one of those whom the doctor had said were army +officers; I thought, the very one I had seen leave the hotel; but all +like statues, motionless and fixed. Only the band seemed to have some +life in them. + +"What is it, Dr. Sandford?" I whispered, after a few minutes of +intense enjoyment. + +"Don't know, Daisy." + +"But what are they doing?" + +"I don't know, Daisy." + +I nestled down into silence again, listening, almost with a doubt of +my own senses, as the notes of the instruments mingled with the summer +breeze and filled the June sunshine. The plain looked most beautiful, +edged with trees on three sides, and bounded to the east, in front of +me, by a chain of hills soft and wooded, which I afterwards found were +beyond the river. Near at hand, the order of military array, the flash +of a sword, the glitter of an epaulette, the glance of red sashes here +and there, the regularity of a perfect machine. I said nothing more to +Dr. Sandford; but I gathered drop by drop the sweetness of the time. + +The statues broke into life a few minutes later, and there was a stir +of business of some sort; but I could make out nothing of what they +were doing. I took it on trust, and enjoyed everything to the full +till the show was over. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +YANKEES. + + +For several days I saw nothing of Preston. He was hardly missed. + +I found that such a parade as that which pleased me the first morning +came off twice daily; and other military displays, more extended and +more interesting, were to be looked for every day at irregular times. +I failed not of one. So surely as the roll of the drum or a strain of +music announced that something of the sort was on hand, I caught up my +hat and was ready. And so was Dr. Sandford. Mrs. Sandford would often +not go; but the doctor's hat was as easily put on as mine, and as +readily; and he attended me, I used to think, as patiently as a great +Newfoundland dog. As patient, and as supreme. The evolutions of +soldiers and clangour of martial music were nothing to _him_, but he +must wait upon his little mistress. I mean of course the Newfoundland +dog; not Dr. Sandford. + +"Will you go for a walk, Daisy?" he said, the morning of the third or +fourth day. "There is nothing doing on the plain, I find." + +"A walk? Oh, yes!" I said. "Where shall we go?" + +"To look for wonderful things," he said. + +"Only don't take the child among the rattlesnakes," said Mrs. +Sandford. "_They_ are wonderful, I suppose, but not pleasant. You will +get her all tanned, Grant!" + +But I took these hints of danger as coolly as the doctor himself did; +and another of my West Point delights began. + +We went beyond the limits of the post, passed out at one of the gates +which shut it in from the common world, and forgot for the moment +drums and fifes. Up the mountain side, under the shadow of the trees +most of the time, though along a good road; with the wild hill at one +hand rising sharp above us. Turning round that, we finally plunged +down into a grand dell of the hills, leaving all roads behind and all +civilization, and having a whole mountain between us and the West +Point plain. I suppose it might have been a region for rattlesnakes, +but I never thought of them. I had never seen such a place in my life. +From the bottom of the gorge where we were, the opposite mountain side +sloped up to a great height; wild, lonely, green with a wealth of +wood, stupendous, as it seemed to me, in its towering expanse. At our +backs, a rocky and green precipice rose up more steeply yet, though to +a lesser elevation, topped with the grey walls of the old fort, the +other face of which I had seen from our hotel. A wilderness of nature +it was; wild and stern. I feasted on it. Dr. Sandford was moving +about, looking for something; he helped me over rocks, and jumped me +across morasses, and kept watchful guard of me; but else he let me +alone; he did not talk, and I had quite enough without. The strong +delight of the novelty, the freedom, the delicious wild things around, +the bracing air, the wonderful lofty beauty, made me as happy as I +thought I could be. I feasted on the rocks and wild verdure, the +mosses and ferns and lichen, the scrub forest and tangled undergrowth, +among which we plunged and scrambled: above all, on those vast leafy +walls which shut in the glen, and almost took away my breath with +their towering lonely grandeur. All this time Dr. Sandford was as busy +as a bee, in quest of something. He was a great geologist and +mineralogist; a lover of all natural science, but particularly of +chemistry and geology. When I stopped to look at him, I thought he +must have put his own tastes in his pocket for several days past that +he might gratify mine. I was standing on a rock, high and dry and grey +with lichen; he was poking about in some swampy ground. + +"Are you tired, Daisy?" he said, looking up. + +"My feet are tired," I said. + +"That is all of you that can be tired. Sit down where you are--I will +come to you directly." + +So I sat down and watched him, and looked off between whiles to the +wonderful green walls of the glen. The summer blue was very clear +overhead; the stillness of the place very deep; insects, birds, a +flutter of leaves, and the grating of Dr. Sandford's boot upon a +stone, all the sounds that could be heard. + +"Why you are warm, as well as tired, Daisy," he said, coming up to my +rock at last. + +"It _is_ warm," I answered. + +"Warm?" said he. "Look here, Daisy!" + +"Well, what in the world is that?" I said, laughing. "A little mud or +earth is all that I can see." + +"Ah, your eyes are not good for much, Daisy--except to look at." + +"Not good for much for _that_," I said, amused; for his eyes were bent +upon the earth in his hand. + +"I don't know," said he, getting up on the rock beside me and sitting +down. "I used to find strange things in them once. But this is +something you will like, Daisy." + +"Is it?" + +"If you like wonderful things as well as ever." + +"Oh, I do!" I said. "What is it, Dr. Sandford?" + +He carefully wrapped up his treasure in a bit of paper and put it in +his pocket; then he cut down a small hickory branch and began to fan +me with it; and while he sat there fanning me he entered upon a +lecture such as I had never listened to in my life. I had studied a +little geology of course, as well as a little of everything else; but +no lesson like this had come in the course of my experience. Taking +his text from the very wild glen where we were sitting and the +mountain sides upon which I had been gazing, Dr. Sandford spread a +clear page of nature before me and interpreted it. He answered +unspoken questions; he filled great vacancies of my ignorance; into +what had been abysms of thought he poured a whole treasury of +intelligence and brought floods of light. All so quietly, so +luminously, with such a wealth of knowledge and facility of giving it, +that it is a simple thing to say no story of Eastern magic was ever +given into more charmed ears around an Arabian desert fire. I listened +and he talked and fanned me. He talked like one occupied with his +subject and not with me: but he met every half-uttered doubt or +question, and before he had done he satisfied it fully. I had always +liked Dr. Sandford; I had never liked him so much; I had never, since +the old childish times, had such a free talk with him. And now, he did +not talk to me as a child or a very young girl, except in bending +himself to my ignorance; but as one who loves knowledge likes to give +it to others, so he gave it to me. Only I do not remember seeing him +like to give it in such manner to anybody else. I think the novelty +added to the zest when I thought about it; at the moment I had no time +for side thoughts. At the moment my ears could but receive the pearls +and diamonds of knowledge which came from the speaker's lips, set in +silver of the simplest clear English. I notice that the people who +have the most thorough grasp of a subject make ever least difficulty +of words about it. + +The sun was high and hot when we returned, but I cared nothing for +that. I was more than ever sure that West Point was fairyland. The old +spring of childish glee seemed to have come back to my nerves. + +"Dinner is just ready," said Mrs. Sandford, meeting us in the hall. +"Why, where _have_ you been? And look at the colour of Daisy's face! +Oh, Grant, what have you done with her?" + +"Very good colour--" said the doctor, peering under my hat. + +"She's all flushed and sunburnt, and overheated." + +"Daisy is never anything but cool," he said; "unless when she gets +hold of a principle, and somebody else gets hold of the other end. +We'll look at these things after dinner, Daisy." + +"Principles?" half exclaimed Mrs. Sandford, with so dismayed an +expression that the doctor and I both laughed. + +"Not exactly," said the doctor, putting his hand in his pocket. "Look +here." + +"I see nothing but a little dirt." + +"You shall see something else by and by--if you will." + +"You have never brought your microscope here, Grant? Where in the +world will you set it up?" + +"In your room--after dinner--if you permit." + +Mrs. Sandford permitted; and though she did not care much about the +investigations that followed, the doctor and I did. As delightful as +the morning had been, the long afternoon stretched its bright hours +along; till Mrs. Sandford insisted I must be dressed, and pushed the +microscope into a corner and ordered the doctor away. + +That was the beginning of the pleasantest course of lessons I ever had in +my life. From that time Dr. Sandford and I spent a large part of every +day in the hills; and often another large part over the microscope. No +palace and gardens in the Arabian nights were ever more enchanting, than +the glories of nature through which he led me; nor half so wonderful. "A +little dirt," as it seemed to ordinary eyes, was the hidden entrance way +ofttimes to halls of knowledge more magnificent and more rich than my +fancy had ever dreamed of. + +Meanwhile, Mrs. Sandford found a great many officers to talk to. + +It was not till the evening of the next day following my first walk +into the mountains, that I saw Preston. It was parade time; and I was +sitting as usual on one of the iron settees which are placed for the +convenience of spectators. I was almost always there at parade and +guardmounting. The picture had a continual fascination for me, whether +under the morning sun, or the evening sunset; and the music was +charming. This time I was alone, Dr. and Mrs. Sandford being engaged +in conversation with friends at a little distance. Following with my +ear the variations of the air the band were playing my mind was at the +same time dwelling on the riches it had just gained in the natural +history researches of the day, and also taking in half consciously +the colours of the hills and the light that spread over the plain; +musing, in short, in a kind of dream of delight; when a grey figure +came between me and my picture. Finding that it did not move, I raised +my eyes. + +"The same Daisy as ever!" said Preston, his eyes all alight with fun +and pleasure. "The same as ever! And how came you here? and when did +you come? and how did you come?" + +"We have been here ever since Friday. Why haven't you been to see me? +Dr. Sandford sent word to you." + +"Dr. Sandford!" said Preston, taking the place by my side. "How did +you come here, Daisy?" + +"I came by the boat, last Friday. How should I come?" + +"Who are you with?" + +"Dr. Sandford--and Mrs. Sandford." + +"_Mrs._ Sandford, and Dr. Sandford," said Preston, pointedly. "You are +not with the doctor, I suppose." + +"Why yes, I am," I answered. "He is my guardian--don't you know, +Preston? He brought me. How tall you have grown!" + +"A parcel of Yankees," said Preston. "Poor little Daisy." + +"What do you mean by 'Yankees'?" I said. "You do not mean just people +at the North, for you speak as if it was something bad." + +"It is. So I do," said Preston. "They are a mean set--fit for nothing +but to eat codfish and scrape. I wish you had nothing to do with +Yankees." + +I thought how all the South lived upon stolen earnings. It was a +disagreeable turn to my meditations for a moment. + +"Where have you hid yourself since you have come here?" Preston went +on. "I have been to the hotel time and again to find you." + +"Have you!" I said. "Oh, I suppose I was out walking." + +"With whom were you walking." + +"I don't know anybody here, but those I came with. But, Preston, why +are you not over yonder with the others?" + +I was looking at the long grey line formed in front of us on the +plain. + +"I got leave of absence, to come and see you, Daisy. And _you_ have +grown, and improved. You're wonderfully improved. Are you the very +same Daisy? and what are you going to do here?" + +"Oh, I'm enjoying myself. Now, Preston why does that man stand so?" + +"What man?" + +"That officer--here in front, standing all alone, with the sash and +sword. Why does he stand so?" + +"Hush. That is Captain Percival. He is the officer in charge." + +"What is that?" + +"Oh, he looks after the parade, and things." + +"But why does he stand so, Preston?" + +"Stand how?" said Preston, unsympathizingly. "That is good standing." + +"Why, with his shoulders up to his ears," I said; "and his arms lifted +up as if he was trying to put his elbows upon a high shelf. It is +_very_ awkward." + +"They all stand so," said Preston. "That's right enough." + +"It is ungraceful." + +"It is military." + +"Must one be ungraceful in order to be military?" + +"_He_ isn't ungraceful. That is Percival--of South Carolina." + +"The officer yesterday stood a great deal better," I went on. + +"Yesterday? That was Blunt. He's a Yankee." + +"Well, what then, Preston?" I said laughing. + +"I despise them!" + +"Aren't there Yankees among the cadets?" + +"Of course; but they are no count--only here and there there's one of +good family. Don't you have anything to do with them, Daisy!--mind;--not +with one of them, unless I tell you who he is." + +"With one of whom? What are you speaking of?" + +"The cadets." + +"Why I have nothing to do with them," I said. "How should I?" + +Preston looked at me curiously. + +"Nor at the hotel, neither, Daisy--more than you can help. Have +nothing to say to the Yankees." + +I thought Preston had taken a strange fancy. I was silent. + +"It is not fitting," he went on. "We are going to change all that. I +want to have nothing to do with Yankees." + +"What are you going to change?" I asked. "I don't see how you can help +having to do with them. They are among the cadets, and they are among +the officers." + +"We have our own set," said Preston. "I have nothing to do with them +in the corps." + +"Now, Preston, look; what are they about? All the red sashes are +getting together." + +"Parade is dismissed. They are coming up to salute the officer in +charge." + +"It is so pretty!" I said, as the music burst out again, and the +measured steps of the advancing line of "red sashes" marked it. "And +now Captain Percival will unbend his stiff elbows. Why could not all +that be done easily, Preston?" + +"Nonsense, Daisy!--it is military." + +"Is it? But Mr. Blunt did it a great deal better. Now they are going. +Must you go?" + +"Yes. What are you going to do to-morrow?" + +"I don't know--I suppose we shall go into the woods again." + +"When the examination is over, I can attend to you. I haven't much +time just now. But there is really nothing to be done here, since one +can't get on horseback out of the hours." + +"I don't want anything better than I can get on my own feet," I said +joyously. "I find plenty to do." + +"Look here, Daisy," said Preston--"don't you turn into a masculine, +muscular woman, that can walk her twenty miles and wear hobnailed +shoes--like the Yankees you are among. Don't forget that you are the +daughter of a Southern gentleman--" + +He touched his cap hastily and turned away--walking with those +measured steps towards the barracks; whither now all the companies of +grey figures were in full retreat. I stood wondering, and then slowly +returned with my friends to the hotel; much puzzled to account for +Preston's discomposure and strange injunctions. The sunlight had left +the tops of the hills; the river slept in the gathering grey shadows, +soft, tranquil, reposeful. Before I got to the hotel, I had quite made +up my mind that my cousin's eccentricities were of no consequence. + +They recurred to me, however, and were as puzzling as ever. I had no +key at the time. + +The next afternoon was given to a very lively show: the light +artillery drill before the Board of Visitors. We sat out under the +trees to behold it; and I found out now the meaning of the broad +strip of plain between the hotel and the library, which was brown and +dusty in the midst of the universal green. Over this strip, round and +round, back, and forth, and across, the light artillery wagons rushed, +as if to show what they could do in time of need. It was a beautiful +sight, exciting and stirring; with the beat of horses' hoofs, the +clatter of harness, the rumble of wheels tearing along over the +ground, the flash of a sabre now and then, the ringing words of +command, and the soft, shrill echoing bugle which repeated them. I +only wanted to understand it all; and in the evening I plied Preston +with questions. He explained things to me patiently. + +"I understand," I said, at last, "I understand what it would do in war +time. But we are not at war, Preston." + +"No." + +"Nor in the least likely to be." + +"We can't tell. It is good to be ready." + +"But what do you mean?" I remember saying. "You speak as if we might +be at war. Who is there for us to fight?" + +"Anybody that wants putting in order," said Preston. "The Indians." + +"O Preston, Preston!" I exclaimed. "The Indians! when we have been +doing them wrong ever since the white men came here; and you want to +do them more wrong!" + +"I want to hinder them from doing us wrong. But I don't care about the +Indians, little Daisy. I would just as lief fight the Yankees." + +"Preston, I think you are very wrong." + +"You think all the world is," he said. + +We were silent, and I felt very dissatisfied. What _was_ all this +military schooling a preparation for, perhaps? How could we know. +Maybe these heads and hands, so gay to-day in their mock fight, would +be grimly and sadly at work by and by, in real encounter with some +real enemy. + +"Do you see that man, Daisy?" whispered Preston, suddenly in my ear. +"That one talking to a lady in blue." + +We were on the parade ground, among a crowd of spectators, for the +hotels were very full, and the Point very gay now. I said I saw him. + +"That is a great man." + +"Is he?" I said, looking and wondering if a great man could hide +behind such a physiognomy. + +"Other people think so, I can tell you," said Preston. "Nobody knows +what that man can do. That is Davis of Mississippi." + +The name meant nothing to me then. I looked at him as I would have +looked at another man. And I did not like what I saw. Something of +sinister, nothing noble, about the countenance; power there might +be--Preston said there was--but the power of the fox and the vulture +it seemed to me; sly, crafty, selfish, cruel. + +"If nobody knows what he can do, how is it so certain that he is a +great man?" I asked. Preston did not answer. "I hope there are not +many great men that look like him." I went on. + +"Nonsense, Daisy!" said Preston, in an energetic whisper. "That is +Davis of Mississippi." + +"Well?" said I. "That is no more to me than if he were Jones of New +York." + +"Daisy!" said Preston. "If you are not a true Southerner, I will never +love you any more." + +"What do you mean by a true Southerner? I do not understand." + +"Yes, you do. A true Southerner is always a Southerner, and takes the +part of a Southerner in every dispute--right or wrong." + +"What makes you dislike Northerners so much?" + +"Cowardly Yankees!" was Preston's reply. + +"You must have an uncomfortable time among them, if you feel so," I +said. + +"There are plenty of the true sort here. I wish you were in Paris, +Daisy; or somewhere else." + +"Why?" I said, laughing. + +"Safe with my mother, or _your_ mother. You want teaching. You are too +latitudinarian. And you are too thick with the Yankees, by half." + +I let this opinion alone, as I could do nothing with it; and our +conversation broke off with Preston in a very bad humour. + +The next day, when we were deep in the woods, I asked Dr. Sandford if +he knew Mr. Davis of Mississippi. He answered Yes, rather drily. I +knew the doctor knew everybody. + +I asked why Preston called him a great man. + +"Does he call him a great man?" Dr. Sandford asked. + +"Do you?" + +"No, not I, Daisy. But that may not hinder the fact. And I may not +have Mr. Gary's means of judging." + +"What means can he have?" I said. + +"Daisy," said Dr. Sandford suddenly, when I had forgotten the question +in plunging through a thicket of brushwood, "if the North and the +South should split on the subject of slavery, what side would you +take?" + +"What do you mean by a 'split'?" I asked slowly, in my wonderment. + +"The States are not precisely like a perfect crystal, Daisy, and +there is an incipient cleavage somewhere about Mason and Dixon's +line." + +"I do not know what line that is." + +"No. Well, for practical purposes, you may take it as the line between +the slave States and the free." + +"But how could there be a split?" I asked. + +"There is a wedge applied even now, Daisy--the question whether the +new States forming out of our Western territories, shall have slavery +in them or shall be free States." + +I was silent upon this; and we walked and climbed for a little +distance, without my remembering our geological or mineralogical, or +any other objects in view. + +"The North say," Dr. Sandford then went on, "that these States shall +be free. The South--or some men at the South--threaten that if they +be, the South will split from the North, have nothing to do with us, +and set up for themselves." + +"Who is to decide it?" I asked. + +"The people. This fall the election will be held for the next +President; and that will show. If a slavery man be chosen, we shall +know that a majority of the nation go with the Southern view." + +"If not?"-- + +"Then there may be trouble, Daisy." + +"What sort of trouble?" I asked hastily. + +Dr. Sandford hesitated, and then said, "I do not know how far people +will go." + +I mused, and forgot the sweet flutter of green leaves, and smell of +moss and of hemlock, and golden bursts of sunshine, amongst which we +were pursuing our way. Preston's strange heat and Southernism, Mr. +Davis's wile and greatness, a coming disputed election, quarrels +between the people where I was born and the people where I was brought +up, divisions and jealousies, floated before my mind in unlovely and +confused visions. Then, remembering my father and my mother and Gary +McFarlane, and others whom I had known, I spoke again. + +"Whatever the Southern people say, they will do, Dr. Sandford." + +"_Provided_--" said the doctor. + +"What, if you please?" + +"Provided the North will let them, Daisy." + +I thought privately they could not hinder. Would there be a trial? +Could it be possible there would be a trial? + +"But you have not answered my question," said the doctor. "Aren't you +going to answer it?" + +"What question?" + +"As to the side you would take." + +"I do not want any more slave States, Dr. Sandford." + +"I thought so. Then you would be with the North." + +"But people will never be so foolish as to come to what you call a +'split,' Dr. Sandford." + +"Upon my word, Daisy, as the world is at present, the folly of a thing +is no presumptive argument against its coming into existence. +Look--here we shall get a nice piece of quartz for your collection." + +I came back to the primary rocks, and for the present dismissed the +subject of the confusions existing on the surface of the earth; hoping +sincerely that there would be no occasion for calling it up again. + +For some time I saw very little of Preston. He was busy, he said. My +days flowed on like the summer sunshine, and were as beneficent. I was +gaining strength every day. Dr. Sandford decreed that I must stay as +long as possible. Then Mr. Sandford came, the doctor's brother, and +added his social weight to our party. Hardly needed, for I perceived +that we were very much sought after; at least my companions. The +doctor in especial was a very great favourite, both with men and +women; who I notice are most ready to bestow their favour where it is +least cared for. I don't know but Dr. Sandford cared for it; only he +did not show that he did. The claims of society however began to +interfere with my geological and other lessons. + +A few days after his brother's arrival, the doctor had been carried +off by a party of gentlemen who were going back in the mountains to +fish in the White Lakes. I was left to the usual summer delights of +the place; which indeed to me were numberless; began with the echo of +the morning gun (or before) and ended not till the three taps of the +drum at night. The cadets had gone into camp by this time; and the +taps of the drum were quite near, as well as the shrill sweet notes of +the fife at reveille and tattoo. The camp itself was a great pleasure +to me; and at guardmounting or parade I never failed to be in my +place. Only to sit in the rear of the guard tents and watch the +morning sunlight on the turf, and on the hills over the river, and +shining down the camp alleys, was a rich satisfaction. Mrs. Sandford +laughed at me; her husband said it was "natural," though I am sure he +did not understand it a bit; but the end of all was, that I was left +very often to go alone down the little path to the guard tents among +the crowd that twice a day poured out there from our hotel and met the +crowd that came up from Cozzens's hotel below. + +So it was, one morning that I remember. Guardmounting was always late +enough to let one feel the sun's power; and it was a sultry morning, +this. We were in July now, and misty, vaporous clouds moved slowly +over the blue sky, seeming to intensify the heat of the unclouded +intervals. But wonderful sweet it was; and I under the shade of my +flat hat, with a little help from the foliage of a young tree, did not +mind it at all. Every bit of the scene was a pleasure to me; I missed +none of the details. The files of cadets in the camp alleys getting +their arms inspected; the white tents themselves, with curtains +tightly done up; here and there an officer crossing the camp ground +and stopping to speak to an orderly; then the coming up of the band, +the music, the marching out of the companies; the leisurely walk from +the camp of the officer in charge, drawing on his white gloves; his +stand and his attitude; and then the pretty business of the parade. +All under that July sky; all under that flicker of cloud and sun, and +the soft sweet breath of air that sometimes stole to us to relieve the +hot stillness; and all with that setting and background of cedars and +young foliage and bordering hills over which the cloud shadows swept. +Then came the mounting-guard business. By and by Preston came to me. + +"Awfully hot, Daisy!" he said. + +"Yes, you are out in it," I said, compassionately. + +"What are _you_ out in it for?" + +"Why, I like it," I said. "How come you to be one of the red sashes +this morning?" + +"I have been an officer of the guard this last twenty-four hours." + +"Since yesterday morning?" + +"Yes." + +"Do you like it, Preston?" + +"_Like_ it!" he said. "Like guard duty! Why, Daisy, when a fellow has +left his shoe-string untied, or something or other like that, they put +him on extra guard duty to punish him." + +"Did you ever do so, Preston?" + +"Did I ever do so?" he repeated savagely. "Do you think I have been +raised like a Yankee, to take care of my shoes? That Blunt is just fit +to stand behind a counter and measure inches!" + +I was very near laughing, but Preston was not in a mood to bear +laughing at. + +"I don't think it is beneath a gentleman to keep his shoe-strings +tied," I said. + +"A gentleman can't always think of everything!" he replied. + +"Then you are glad you have only one year more at the Academy?" + +"Of course I am glad! I'll never be under Yankee rule again; not if I +know it." + +"Suppose they elect a Yankee President?" I said; but Preston's look +was so eager and so sharp at me that I was glad to cover my rash +suggestion under another subject as soon as possible. + +"Are you going to be busy this afternoon?" I asked him. + +"No, I reckon not." + +"Suppose you come and go up to the fort with me?" + +"What fort?" + +"Fort Putnam. I have never been there yet." + +"There is nothing on earth to go there for," said Preston, shrugging +his shoulders. "Just broil yourself in the sun, and get nothing for +it. It's an awful pull uphill; rough, and all that; and nothing at the +top but an old stone wall." + +"But there is the view!" I said. + +"You have got it down here--just as good. Just climb up the hotel +stairs fifty times without stopping, and then look out of the thing at +the top--and you have been to Fort Putnam." + +"Why, I want you to go to the top of Crow's Nest," I said. + +"Yes! I was ass enough to try that once," said Preston, "when I was +just come, and thought I must do everything; but if anybody wants to +insult me, let him just ask me to do it again!" + +Preston's mood was unmanageable. I had never seen him so in old times. +I thought West Point did not agree with him. I listened to the band, +just then playing a fine air, and lamented privately to myself that +brass instruments should be so much more harmonious than human +tempers. Then the music ceased and the military movements drew my +attention again. + +"They all walk like you," I observed carelessly, as I noticed a +measured step crossing the camp ground. + +"Do they?" said Preston sneeringly. "I flatter myself I do not walk +like _all_ of them. If you notice more closely, Daisy, you will see a +difference. You can tell a Southerner, on foot or on horseback, from +the sons of tailors and farmers--strange if you couldn't!" + +"I think you are unjust, Preston," I said. "You should not talk so. +Major Blunt walks as well and stands much better than any officer I +have seen; and he is from Vermont; and Capt. Percival is from South +Carolina, and Mr. Hunter is from Virginia, and Col. Forsyth is from +Georgia. They are all of them less graceful than Major Blunt." + +"What do you think of Dr. Sandford?" said Preston in the same tone; but +before I could answer I heard a call of "Gary!--Gary!" I looked round. +In the midst of the ranks of spectators to our left stood a cadet, my +friend of the omnibus. He was looking impatiently our way, and again +exclaimed in a sort of suppressed shout--"Gary!" Preston heard him that +time; started from my side, and placed himself immediately beside his +summoner, in front of the guard tents and spectators. The two were in +line, two or three yards separating them, and both facing towards a party +drawn up at some little distance on the camp ground, which I believe were +the relieving guard. I moved my own position to a place immediately +behind them, where I spied an empty camp-stool, and watched the two with +curious eyes. Uniforms, and military conformities generally, are queer +things if you take the right point of view. Here were these two, a pair, +and not a pair. The grey coat and the white pantaloons (they had all gone +into white now), the little soldier's cap, were a counterpart in each of +the other; the two even stood on the ground as if they were bound to be +patterns each of the other; and when my acquaintance raised his arms and +folded them after the most approved fashion, to my great amusement +Preston's arms copied the movement: and they stood like two brother +statues still, from their heels to their cap rims. Except when once the +right arm of my unknown friend was unbent to give a military sign, in +answer to some demand or address from somebody in front of him which I +did not hear. Yet as I watched, I began to discern how individual my two +statues really were. I could not see faces, of course. But the grey coat +on the one looked as if its shoulders had been more carefully brushed +than had been the case with the other; the spotless pantaloons, which +seemed to be just out of the laundress's basket, as I suppose they were, +sat with a trimmer perfection in one case than in the other. Preston's +pocket gaped, and was, I noticed, a little bit ripped; and when my eye +got down to the shoes, his had not the black gloss of his companion's. +With that one there was not, I think, a thread awry. And then, there was +a certain relaxation in the lines of Preston's figure impossible to +describe, stiff and motionless though he was; something which prepared +one for a lax and careless movement when he moved. Perhaps this was fancy +and only arose from my knowledge of the fact; but with the other no such +fancy was possible. Still, but alert; motionless, but full of vigour; I +expected what came; firm, quick, and easy action, as soon as he should +cease to be a statue. + +So much to a back view of character; which engrossed me till my two +statues went away. + +A little while after Preston came. "Are you here yet?" he said. + +"Don't you like to have me here?" + +"It's hot. And it is very stupid for you, I should think. Where is +Mrs. Sandford?" + +"She thinks as you do, that it is stupid." + +"You ought not to be here without some one." + +"Why not? What cadet was that who called you, Preston?" + +"Called me? Nobody called me." + +"Yes he did. When you were sitting with me. Who was it?" + +"I don't know!" said Preston. "Good-bye. I shall be busy for a day or +two." + +"Then you cannot go to Fort Putnam this afternoon?" + +"Fort Putnam? I should think not. It will be broiling to-day." + +And he left me. Things had gone wrong with Preston lately, I thought. +Before I had made up my mind to move, two other cadets came before me. +One of them Mrs. Sandford knew, and I slightly. + +"Miss Randolph, my friend Mr. Thorold has begged me to introduce him +to you." + +It was _my_ friend of the omnibus. I think we liked each other at this +very first moment. I looked up at a manly, well-featured face, just +then lighted with a little smile of deference and recognition; but +permanently lighted with the brightest and quickest hazel eyes that I +ever saw. Something about the face pleased me on the instant. I +believe it was the frankness. + +"I have to apologize for my rudeness, in calling a gentleman away from +you, Miss Randolph, in a very unceremonious manner, a little while +ago." + +"Oh, I know," I said. "I saw what you did with him." + +"Did I do anything with him?" + +"Only called him to his duty, I suppose." + +"Precisely. He was very excusable for forgetting it; but it might have +been inconvenient." + +"Do you think it is ever excusable to forget duty?" I asked; and I was +rewarded with a swift flash of fun in the hazel eyes, that came and +went like forked lightning. + +"It is not easily pardoned here," he answered. + +"People don't make allowances?" + +"Not officers," he said, with a smile. "Soldiers lose the character of +men, when on duty; they are only reckoned machines." + +"You do not mean that exactly, I suppose." + +"Indeed I do!" he said, with another slighter coruscation. +"Intelligent machines, of course, and with no more latitude of action. +You would not like that life?" + +"I should think you would not." + +"Ah, but we hope to rise to the management of the machines, some day." + +I thought I saw in his face that he did. I remarked that I thought the +management of machines could not be very pleasant. + +"Why not?" + +"It is degrading to the machines--and so, I should think, it would not +be very elevating to those that make them machines." + +"That is exactly the use they propose them to serve, though," he said, +looking amused; "the elevation of themselves." + +"I know," I said, thinking that the end was ignoble too. + +"You do not approve it?" he said. + +I felt those brilliant eyes dancing all over me and, I fancied, over +my thoughts too. I felt a little shy of going on to explain myself to +one whom I knew so little. He turned the conversation, by asking me if +I had seen all the lions yet. + +I said I supposed not. + +"Have you been up to the old fort?" + +"I want to go there," I said; "but somebody told me to-day, there was +nothing worth going for." + +"Has his report taken away your desire to make the trial?" + +"No, for I do not believe he is right." + +"Might I offer myself as a guide? I can be disengaged this afternoon; +and I know all the ways to the fort. It would give me great pleasure." + +I felt it would give me great pleasure too, and so I told him. We +arranged for the hour, and Mr. Thorold hastened away. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + +FORT PUTNAM. + + +"I am going to Fort Putnam this afternoon, with Mr. Thorold," I +announced to Mrs. Sandford, after dinner. + +"Who is Mr. Thorold?" + +"One of the cadets." + +"One of the cadets! So it has got hold of you at last, Daisy!" + +"What, Mrs. Sandford?" + +"But Fort Putnam? My dearest child, it is very hot!" + +"Oh, yes, ma'am--I don't mind it." + +"Well, I am very glad, if you don't," said Mrs. Sandford. "And I am +very glad Grant has taken himself off to the White Lakes. He gave +nobody else any chance. It will do you a world of good." + +"What will?" I asked, wondering. + +"Amusement, dear--amusement. Something a great deal better than +Grant's 'elogies and 'ologies. Now this would never have happened if +he had been at home." + +I did not understand her, but then I knew she did not understand the +pursuits she so slighted; and it was beyond my powers to enlighten +her. So I did not try. + +Mr. Thorold was punctual, and so was I; and we set forth at five +o'clock, I at least was happy as it was possible to be. Warm it was, +yet; we went slowly down the road, in shadow and sunshine; tasting the +pleasantness, it seems to me, of every tree, and feeling the sweetness +of each breath; in that slight exhilaration of spirits which loses +nothing and forgets nothing. At least I have a good memory for such +times. There was a little excitement, no doubt, about going this walk +with a cadet and a stranger, which helped the whole effect. + +I made use of my opportunity to gain a great deal of information which +Dr. Sandford could not give. I wanted to understand the meaning and the +use of many things I saw about the Point. Batteries and fortifications +were a mysterious jumble to me; shells were a horrible novelty; the whole +art and trade of a soldier, something well worth studying, but difficult +to see as a reasonable whole. The adaptation of parts to an end, I could +perceive; the end itself puzzled me. + +"Yet there has always been fighting," said my companion. + +"Yes," I assented. + +"Then we must be ready for it." + +But I was not prepared in this case with my answer. + +"Suppose we were unjustly attacked?" said Mr. Thorold; and I thought +every one of the gilt buttons on his grey jacket repelled the idea of +a peaceable composition. + +"I don't know," said I, pondering. "Why should the rule be different +for nations and for individual people?" + +"What is your rule for individual people?" he asked, laughing, and +looking down at me, as he held the gate open. I can see the look and +the attitude now. + +"It is not _my_ rule," I said. + +"_The_ rule, then. What should a man do, Miss Randolph, when he is +unjustly attacked?" + +I felt I was on very untenable ground, talking to a soldier. If I was +right, what was the use of his grey coat, or of West Point itself? We +were mounting the little steep pitch beyond the gate, where the road +turns; and I waited till I got upon level footing. Then catching a +bright inquisitive glance of the hazel eyes, I summoned up my courage +and spoke. + +"I have no rule but the Bible, Mr. Thorold." + +"The Bible! What does the Bible say? It tells us of a great deal of +fighting." + +"Of bad men." + +"Yes, but the Jews were commanded to fight, were they not?" + +"To punish bad men. But we have got another rule since that." + +"What is it?" + +"If any man smite thee on the one cheek, turn to him the other also." + +"Is it possible you think the Bible means that literally?" he said. + +"Do you think it would say what it did not mean?" + +"But try it by the moral effect; what sort of a fellow would a man be +who did so, Miss Randolph?" + +"I think he would be fine!" I said; for I was thinking of One who, +"when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he +threatened not." But I could not tell all my thought to Mr. Thorold; +no more than I could to Dr. Sandford. + +"And would you have him stand by and see another injured?" my +companion asked. "Wouldn't you have him fight in such a case?" + +I had not considered that question. I was silent. + +"Suppose he sees wrong done; wrong that a few well-planted blows, or +shots, if you like--shots are but well-directed blows," he said, +smiling--"wrong that a few well-planted blows would prevent. Suppose +somebody were to attack you now, for instance; ought I not to fight +for it?" + +"I should like to have you," I said. + +"Come!" he said, laughing, and stretching out his hand to shake mine, +"I see you will let me keep my profession, after all. And why should +not a nation do, on a larger scale, what a man may do?" + +"Why it may," I said. + +"Then West Point is justified." + +"But very few wars in the world are conducted on that principle," I +said. + +"Very few. In fact I do not at this moment recollect the instances. +But you would allow a man, or a nation, to fight in self-defence, +would not you?" + +I pondered the matter. "I suppose he has a right to protect his life," +I said. "But, 'if a man smite thee on the cheek,' _that_ does not +touch life." + +"What would you think of a man," said my companion, gravely, "who +should suffer some one to give him such a blow, without taking any +notice of it?" + +"If he did it because he was _afraid_," I said, "of course I shouldn't +like that. But if he did it to obey the Bible, I should think it was +noble. The Bible says, 'it is glory to pass by a transgression.'" + +"But suppose he was afraid of being thought afraid?" + +I looked at my companion, and felt instinctively sure that neither +this nor my first supposed case would ever be true of him. Further, I +felt sure that no one would ever be hardy enough to give the supposed +occasion. I can hardly tell how I knew; it was by some of those +indescribable natural signs. We were slowly mounting the hill; and in +every powerful, lithe movement, in the very set of his shoulders and +head, and as well in the sparkle of the bright eye which looked round +at me, I read the tokens of a spirit which I thought neither had known +nor ever would know the sort of indignity he had described. He was +talking for talk's sake. But while I looked, the sparkle of the eye +grew very merry. + +"You are judging me, Miss Randolph," he said. "Judge me gently." + +"No, indeed," I said. "I was thinking that you are not speaking from +experience." + +"I am not better than you think me," he said, laughing, and shaking +his head. And the laugh was so full of merriment that it infected me. +I saw he was very much amused; I thought he was a little interested, +too. "You know," he went on, "my education has been unfavourable. I +have fought for a smaller matter than that you judge insufficient." + +"Did it do any good?" I asked. + +He laughed again: picked up a stone and threw it into the midst of a +thick tree to dislodge something--I did not see what; and finally +looked round at me with the most genial amusement and good nature +mixed. I knew he was interested now. + +"I don't know how much good it did to anybody but myself," he said. +"It comforted me--at the time. Afterwards I remember thinking it was +hardly worth while. But if a fellow should suffer an insult, as you +say, and not take any notice of it, what do you suppose would become +of him in the corps--or in the world either?" + +"He would be a noble man, all the same," I said. + +"But people like to be well thought of by their friends and society." + +"I know that." + +"He would be sent to Coventry unmitigatedly." + +"I cannot help it, Mr. Thorold," I said. "If anybody does wrong +because he is afraid of the consequences of doing right, he is another +sort of a coward--that is all." + +Mr. Thorold laughed, and catching my hand as we came to a turn in the +road where the woods fell away right and left, brought me quick round +the angle, without letting me go to the edge of the bank to get the +view. + +"You must not look till you get to the top," he said. + +"What an odd road!" I remarked. "It just goes by zigzags." + +"The only way to get up at all, without travelling round the hill. +That is, for horses." + +It was steep enough for foot wayfarers, but the road was exceeding +comfortable that day. We were under the shade of trees all the way; +and talk never lagged. Mr. Thorold was infinitely pleasant to me; as +well as unlike any one of all my former acquaintances. There was a +wealth of life in him that delighted my quieter nature; an amount of +animal spirits that were just a constant little impetus to me; and +from the first I got an impression of strength, such as weakness loves +to have near. Bodily strength he had also, in perfection; but I mean +now the firm, self-reliant nature, quick at resources, ready to act as +to decide, and full of the power that has its spring and magazine in +character alone. So, enjoying each other, we went slowly up the +zigzags of the hill, very steep in places, and very rough to the foot; +but the last pitch was smoother, and there the grey old bulwarks of +the ruined fortification faced down upon us, just above. + +"Now," said Mr. Thorold, coming on the outside of me to prevent it, +"don't look!"--and we turned into the entrance of the fort, between +two outstanding walls. Going through, we hurried up a little steep +rise, till we got to a smooth spread of grass, sloping gently to a +level with the top of the wall. Where this slope reached its highest, +where the parapet (as Mr. Thorold called it) commanded a clear view +from the eastern side, there he brought me, and then permitted me to +stand still. I do not know how long I stood quite still without +speaking. + +"Will you sit down?" said my companion; and I found he had spread a +pocket-handkerchief on the bank for me. The turf in that place was +about eighteen inches higher than the top of the wall, making a very +convenient seat. I thought of Queen Elizabeth and Sir Walter Raleigh; +but I also thought the most queenly thing I could do was to take the +offered civility, and I sat down. My eyes were bewildered with the +beauty; they turned from one point to another with a sort of +wondering, insatiable enjoyment. There, beneath our feet, lay the +little level green plain; its roads and trees all before us as in a +map, with the lines of building enclosing it on the south and west. A +cart and oxen were slowly travelling across the road between the +library and the hotel, looking like minute ants dragging a crumb +along. Beyond them was the stretch of brown earth, where the cavalry +exercises forbade a blade of grass to show itself. And beyond that, +at the farther edge of the plain, the little white camp; its straight +rows of tents and the alleys between all clearly marked out. Round all +this the river curved, making a promontory of it; a promontory with +fringed banks, and levelled at top, as it seemed, just to receive the +Military Academy. On the other side the river, a long sweep of gentle +hills, coloured in the fair colours of the evening; curving towards +the north-east into a beautiful circle of soft outlines back of the +mountain which rose steep and bold at the water's edge. This mountain +was the first of the group I had seen from my hotel window. Houses and +churches nestled in the curve of tableland, under the mountain. Due +north, the parapet of the fort rising sharply at its northern angle a +few feet from where I sat, hindered my full view. Southerly, the hills +swept down, marking the course of the river for many a mile; but again +from where I sat I could not see how far. With a sigh of pleasure my +eye came back to the plain and the white tents. + +"Is guard duty very disagreeable?" I asked, thinking of Preston's talk +in the morning. + +"Why at mid-day, with the thermometer at 90°, it is not exactly the +amusement one would choose," said Mr. Thorold. "I like it at night +well enough." + +"What do you do?" + +"Nothing, but walk up and down, two hours at a time." + +"What is the use of it?" + +"To keep order, and make sure that nothing goes in or out that has no +business to do it." + +"And they have to carry their guns," I said. + +"Their muskets--yes." + +"Are they very heavy?" + +"No. Pretty heavy for an arm that is new to it. I never remember I +have mine." + +"Mr. Caxton said," (Mr. Caxton was the cadet who had introduced Mr. +Thorold to me)--"Mr. Caxton told Mrs. Sandford that the new cadets are +sometimes so exhausted with their tour of duty that they have to be +carried off the ground." + +Mr. Thorold looked at me, a very keen bright look of his hazel eyes; +but he said nothing. + +"And he said that the little white boxes at the corners of the camp, +were monuments to those who had fallen on duty." + +"Just four of them!" said Mr. Thorold, settling his cap down over his +brows; but then he laughed, and I laughed; how we laughed! + +"Don't you want to see the rest of it?" he said, jumping up. I did not +know there was anything more to see. Now however he brought me up on +the high angle of the parapet that had intercepted my view to the +north. I could hardly get away from there. The full magnificence of +the mountains in that quarter; the river's course between them, the +blue hills of the distant Shawangunk range, and the woody chasm +immediately at my feet, stretching from the height where I stood over +to the crest of the Crow's Nest; it took away my breath. I sat down +again, while Mr. Thorold pointed out localities; and did not move, +till I had to make way for another party of visitors who were coming. +Then Mr. Thorold took me all round the edge of the fort. At the south, +we looked down into the woody gorge where Dr. Sandford and I had +hunted for fossil infusoria. From here the long channel of the river +running southernly, with its bordering ridge of hills, and above all, +the wealth and glory of the woodland and the unheaved rocks before me, +were almost as good as the eastern view. The path along the parapet +in places was narrow and dizzy; but I did not care for it, and my +companion went like a chamois. He helped me over the hard places; hand +in hand we ran down the steep slopes; and as we went we got very well +acquainted. At last we climbed up the crumbling masonry to a small +platform which commanded the view both east and south. + +"What is this place for?" I asked. + +"To plant guns on." + +"They could not reach to the river, could they?" + +"Much further--the guns of nowadays." + +"And the old vaults under here--I saw them as we passed by,--were they +prisons, places for prisoners?" + +"A sort of involuntary prisoners," said Mr. Thorold. "They are only +casemates; prisons for our own men occasionally, when shot and shell +might be flying too thick; hiding-places, in short. Would you like to +go to the laboratory some day, where we learn to make different kinds +of shot, and fire-works and such things?" + +"Oh, very much! But, Mr. Thorold, Mr. Caxton told me that André was +confined in one of these places under here; he said his name was +written upon the stones in a dark corner, and that I would find it." + +Mr. Thorold looked at me, with an expression of such contained fun +that I understood it at once; and we had another laugh together. I +began to wonder whether every one that wore a uniform of grey and +white with gilt buttons made it his amusement to play upon the +ignorance of uninitiated people; but on reflection I could not think +Mr. Thorold had done so. I resolved to be careful how I trusted the +rest of the cadets, even Preston; and indeed my companion remarked +that I had better not believe anything I heard without asking him. We +ran down and inspected the casemates; and then took our seats again +for one last look on the eastern parapet. The river and hills were +growing lovely in cooler lights; shadow was stealing over the plain. + +"Shall I see you to-morrow evening?" my companion asked suddenly. + +"To-morrow evening?" I said. "I don't know. I suppose we shall be at +home." + +"Then I shall _not_ see you. I meant, at the hop." + +"The hop?" I repeated. "What is that?" + +"The cadets' hop. During the encampment we have a hop three times a +week--a cotillion party. I hope you will be there. Haven't you +received an invitation?" + +"I think not," I said. "I have heard nothing about it." + +"I will see that that is set right," Mr. Thorold remarked. "And now, +do you know we must go down?--that is, _I_ must; and I do not think I +can leave you here." + +"Oh, you have to be on parade!" I exclaimed, starting up; "and it is +almost time!" + +It was indeed, and though my companion put his own concerns in the +background very politely, I would be hurried. We ran down the hill, +Mr. Thorold's hand helping me over the rough way and securing me from +stumbling. In very few minutes we were again at the gate and entered +upon the post limits. And there were the band, in dark column, just +coming up from below the hill. + +We walked the rest of the way in orderly fashion enough, till we got +to the hotel gate; there Mr. Thorold touched his cap and left me, on +a run, for the camp. I watched till I saw he got there in time, and +then went slowly in; feeling that a great piece of pleasure was over. + +I had had a great many pieces of pleasure in my life, but rarely a +_companion_. Dr. Sandford, Miss Cardigan, my dear Capt. Drummond, were +all much in advance of my own age; my servants were my servants, at +Magnolia; and Preston had never associated with me on just the footing +of equality. I went upstairs thinking that I should like to see a +great deal more of Mr. Thorold. + +Mrs. Sandford was on the piazza when I came down, and alone; everybody +was gone to parade. She gave me a little billet. + +"Well, my dear Daisy!--are you walked to death? Certainly, West Point +agrees with you! What a colour! And what a change! You are not the +same creature that we brought away from New York. Well, was it worth +going for, all the way to see that old ruin? My dear! I wish your +father and mother could see you." + +I stood still, wishing they could. + +"There is more pleasure for you," Mrs. Sandford went on. + +"What is this, ma'am?" + +"An invitation. The cadets have little parties for dancing, it seems, +three times a week, in summer; poor fellows! it is all the recreation +they get, I suspect; and of course, they want all the ladies that can +be drummed up, to help them to dance. It's quite a charity, they tell +me. I expect I shall have to dance myself." + +I looked at the note, and stood mute, thinking what I should do. Ever +since Mr. Thorold had mentioned it, up on the hill, the question had been +recurring to me. I had never been to a party in my life, since my +childish days at Melbourne. Aunt Gary's parties at Magnolia had been of +a different kind from this; not assemblies of young people. At Mme. +Ricard's I had taken dancing lessons, at my mother's order; and in her +drawing room I had danced quadrilles and waltzes with my schoolfellows; +but Mme. Ricard was very particular, and nobody else was ever admitted. I +hardly knew what it was to which I was now invited. To dance with the +cadets! I knew only three of them; however, I supposed that I might dance +with those three. I had an impression that amusements of this kind were +rather found in the houses of the gay than the sober-minded; but this was +peculiar, to help the cadets' dance, Mrs. Sandford said. I thought Mr. +Thorold wished I would come. I wondered Preston had not mentioned it. He, +I knew, was very fond of dancing. I mused till the people came back from +parade and we were called to tea; but all my musings went no further. I +did not decide _not_ to go. + +"Now, Daisy," said Mrs. Sandford the next morning, "if you are going +to the hop to-night, I don't intend to have you out in the sun burning +yourself up. It will be terribly hot; and you must keep quiet. I am so +thankful Grant is away! he would have you all through the woods, +hunting for nobody knows what, and bringing you home scorched." + +"Dear Mrs. Sandford," I said, "I can dance just as well, if I _am_ +burnt." + +"That's a delusion, Daisy. You are a woman, after all, my dear--or you +will be; and you may as well submit to the responsibility. And you may +not know it, but you have a wonderfully fine skin, my dear; it always +puts me in mind of fresh cream." + +"Cream is yellow," I said. + +"Not all the cream that ever _I_ saw," said Mrs. Sandford. "Daisy, you +need not laugh. You will be a queen, my dear, when you cease to be a +child. What are you going to wear to-night?" + +"I don't know, ma'am; anything cool, I suppose." + +"It won't matter much," Mrs. Sandford repeated. + +But yet I found she cared, and it did matter, when it came to the +dressing-time. However she was satisfied with one of the embroidered +muslins my mother had sent me from Paris. + +I think I see myself now, seated in the omnibus and trundling over the +plain to the cadets' dancing-rooms. The very hot, still July night +seems round me again. Lights were twinkling in the camp, and across +the plain in the houses of the professors and officers; lights above +in the sky too, myriads of them, mocking the tapers that go out so +soon. I was happy with a little flutter of expectation; quietly +enjoying meanwhile the novel loveliness of all about me, along with +the old familiar beauty of the abiding stars and dark blue sky. It was +a five minutes of great enjoyment. But all natural beauty vanished +from my thoughts when the omnibus drew up at the door of the Academic +Building. I was entering on something untried. + +At first sight, when we went into the room, it burst upon me that it was +very pretty. The room was dressed with flags,--and evergreens,--and with +uniforms; and undoubtedly there is charm in colour, and a gilt button and +a gold strap do light up the otherwise sombre and heavy figures of our +Western masculine costume. The white and rosy and blue draperies and +scarfs that were floating around the forms of the ladies, were met and +set off by the grey and white of the cadets and the heavier dark blue of +the officers. I never anywhere else saw so pretty gatherings. I stood +quite enchanted with the pleasure of the eye; till to my startled +astonishment, Capt. Percival came up and asked me to dance with him. I +had not expected to dance with anybody except Preston, and Mr. Thorold, +and perhaps Mr. Caxton. Mr. Thorold came up before the dance began, and I +presented him to Mrs. Sandford. He asked me for the first dance, then for +the second. And there was no more time for anything, for the dancing +began. + +I had always liked dancing at school. Here the music was far better +and the scene infinitely prettier; it was very pleasant, I thought. +That is, when Capt. Percival did not talk; for he talked nothings. I +did not know how to answer him. Of course it had been very hot to-day; +and the rooms were very full; and there were a good many people at the +hotel. I had nothing but an insipid affirmative to give to these +propositions. Then said Capt. Percival insinuatingly-- + +"You are from the South?" + +I had nothing but an insipid assent again. + +"I was sure of it," he said. "I could not be mistaken." + +I wondered how he knew, but it did not suit me to ask him; and we +danced on again till the dance came to an end. I was glad when it did. +In a minute more I was standing by Mrs. Sandford and introduced to +Capt. Boulanger, who also asked me to dance, and engaged me for the +next but one; and then Mr. Caxton brought up one of his brother cadets +and presented him, and _he_ asked me, and looked disappointed when for +both the next dances I was obliged to refuse him. I was quite glad +when Mr. Thorold came and carried me off. The second quadrille went +better than the first; and I was enjoying myself unfeignedly, when in +a pause of the dance I remarked to my partner that there seemed to be +plenty of ladies here to-night. + +"Plenty," he said. "It is very kind of them. What then?" + +"Only--" I said--"so many people came and asked me to dance in the few +minutes I stood by Mrs. Sandford, and one of them looked quite +disappointed that he could not have me." + +I was met by a look of the keenest inquiry, followed instantly and +superseded by another flash of expression. I could not comprehend it +at the time. The eyes, which had startled me by their steely gleam, +softened wonderfully with what looked like nothing so much as +reverence, along with some other expression which I could neither read +at the moment nor fathom afterwards. + +Both looks were gone before I could ask him what they meant, or +perhaps I should have asked; for I was beginning to feel very much at +my ease with Mr. Thorold. I trusted him. + +"Did he want you for this dance?" was all he said. + +"For this, and for the next," I answered. + +"Both gone! Well, may I have the third, and so disappoint somebody +else?" he said, laughing. + +If I did not talk much with Mr. Thorold in intervals of dancing, at +least we did not talk nonsense. In the next pause he remarked that he +saw I was fond of this amusement. + +"I think I like everything," I told him. + +"Are the hills better than this?" he whispered. + +"Oh, yes!" I said. "Don't you think so?" + +He smiled, and said "truly he did." "You have been over the Flirtation +walk, of course?" he added. + +"I do not know which it is." + +He smiled again, that quick illuminating smile, which seemed to +sparkle in his hazel eyes; and nodded his head a little. + +"I had the pleasure to see you there, very early one morning." + +"Oh, is that it?" I said. "I have been down that way from the hotel +very often." + +"That way leads to it. You were upon it, where you were sitting. You +have not been through it yet? May I show it to you some day? +To-morrow?" + +I agreed joyfully; and then asked who were certain of the cadets whom +I saw about the room, with rosettes of ribbon and long streamers on +the breast of their grey coats? + +"Those are the Managers," said my companion. "You will see enough of +them. It is their duty to introduce poor fellows who want partners." + +I did not see much of them, however, that evening. As soon as I was +released from that dance, Capt. Percival brought up Capt. Lascelles; +and somebody else, Mr. Sandford, I believe, introduced Lt. Vaux, and +Major Fairbairn; and Major Pitt was another, I believe. And Col. +Walruss brought up his son, who was in the corps of cadets. They all +wanted to dance with me; so it was lucky Mr. Thorold had secured his +second dance, or I could not have given it to him. I went over and +over again the same succession of topics, in the intervals of standing +still. How the day had been warm, and the evening kept up its +character; the hotels were full now; the cadets well off to have so +many ladies; dancing a pleasant pastime, and West Point a nice place. +I got so accustomed to the remarks I might expect, that my mouth was +ready with an assenting "yes" before the speaker began. But the +talking was a small part of the business, after all; and the evening +went merrily for me, till on a sudden a shrill piercing summons of +drum and fife, rolling as it were into our very ears, put a stop to +proceedings. Midway in the movement the dancers stopped; there was a +hurried bow and curtsey, and an instant scattering of all the +grey-coated part of the assembly. The "hop" was over. We went home in +the warm moonlight, I thinking that I had had a very nice time, and +glad that Mr. Thorold was coming to take me to walk to-morrow. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + +HOPS. + + +The afternoon was very sultry; however, Mr. Thorold came, and we went +for our walk. It was so sultry we went very leisurely and also met few +people; and instead of looking very carefully at the beauties of +nature and art we had come to see, we got into a great talk as we +strolled along; indeed, sometimes we stopped and sat down to talk. Mr. +Thorold told me about himself, or rather, about his home in Vermont +and his old life there. He had no mother, and no brothers nor sisters; +only his father. And he described to me the hills of his native +country, and the farm his father cultivated, and the people, and the +life on the mountains. Strong and free and fresh and independent and +intelligent--that was the impression his talk made upon me, of the +country and people and life alike. Sometimes my thoughts took a +private turn of their own, branching off. + +"Mr. Thorold," said I, "do you know Mr. Davis of Mississippi?" + +"Davis? No, I don't know him," he said shortly. + +"You have seen him?" + +"Yes, I have seen him often enough; and his wife, too." + +"Do you like his looks?" + +"I do not." + +"He looks to me like a bad man--" I said slowly. I said it to Mr. +Thorold; I would hardly have made the remark to another at West Point. + +"He is about bad business--" was my companion's answer. "And yet I do +not know what he is about; but I distrust the man." + +"Mr. Thorold," said I, beginning cautiously, "do you want to have +slavery go into the territories?" + +"No!" said he. "Do you?" + +"No. What do you think would happen if a Northern President should be +elected in the fall?" + +"Then slavery would _not_ go into the territories," he said, looking a +little surprised at me. "The question would be settled." + +"But do you know some people say--some people at the South say--that +if a Northern President is elected, the Southern States will not +submit to him?" + +"Some people talk a great deal of nonsense," said Mr. Thorold. "How +could they help submitting?" + +"They say--it is said--that they would break off from the North and +set up for themselves. It is not foolish people that say it, Mr. +Thorold." + +"Will you pardon me, Miss Randolph, but I think they would be very +foolish people that would do it." + +"Oh, I think so too," I said. "I mean, that some people who are not +foolish believe that it might happen." + +"Perhaps," said Mr. Thorold. "I never heard anything of it before. +You are from the South yourself, Miss Randolph?" he added, looking at +me. + +"I was born there," I said. And a little silence fell between us. I +was thinking. Some impression, got I suppose from my remembrance of +father and mother, Preston, and others whom I had known, forbade me to +dismiss quite so lightly, as too absurd to be true, the rumour I had +heard. Moreover, I trusted Dr. Sandford's sources of information, +living as he did in habits of close social intercourse with men of +influence and position at Washington, both Southern and Northern. + +"Mr. Thorold,"--I broke the silence,--"if the South should do such a +thing, what would happen?" + +"There would be trouble," he said. + +"What sort of trouble?" + +"Might be all sorts," said Mr. Thorold, laughing; "it would depend on +how far people's folly would carry them." + +"But suppose the Southern States should just do that;--say they would +break off and govern themselves?" + +"They would be like a bad boy that has to be made to take medicine." + +"How could you _make_ them?" I asked, feeling unreasonably grave about +the question. + +"You can see, Miss Randolph, that such a thing could not be permitted. +A government that would let any part of its subjects break away at +their pleasure from its rule, would deserve to go to pieces. If one +part might go, another part might go. There would be no nation left." + +"But how could you _help_ it?" I asked. + +"I don't know whether we could help it," he said; "but we would try." + +"You do not mean that it would come to _fighting_?" + +"I do not think they would be such fools. I hope we are supposing a +very unlikely thing, Miss Randolph." + +I hoped so. But that impression of Southern character troubled me yet. +Fighting! I looked at the peaceful hills, feeling as if indeed "all +the foundations of the earth" would be "out of course." + +"What would _you_ do in case it came to fighting?" said my neighbour. +The words startled me out of my meditations. + +"I could not do anything." + +"I beg your pardon. Your favour--your countenance, would do much; on +one side or the other. You would fight--in effect--as surely as I +should." + +I looked up. "Not against you," I said; for I could not bear to be +misunderstood. + +There was a strange sparkle in Mr. Thorold's eye; but those flashes of +light came and went so like flashes, that I could not always tell what +they meant. The tone of his voice, however, I knew expressed pleasure. + +"How comes that?" he said. "You _are_ Southern?" + +"Do I look it?" I asked. + +"Pardon me--yes." + +"How, Mr. Thorold?" + +"You must excuse me. I cannot tell you. But you _are_ South?" + +"Yes," I said. "At least, all my friends are Southern. I was born +there." + +"You have _one_ Northern friend," said Mr. Thorold, as we rose up to +go on. He said it with meaning. I looked up and smiled. There was a +smile in his eyes, mixed with something more. I think our compact of +friendship was made and settled then and at once. + +He stretched out his hand, as if for a further ratification. I put +mine in it, while he went on,--"How comes it, then, that you take such +a view of such a question?" + +There had sprung up a new tone in our intercourse, of more +familiarity, and more intimate trust. It gave infinite content to me; +and I went on to answer, telling him about my Northern life. Drawn on, +from question to question, I detailed at length my Southern experience +also, and put my new friend in possession not only of my opinions, but +of the training under which they had been formed. My hand, I remember, +remained in his while I talked, as if he had been my brother; till he +suddenly put it down and plunged into the bushes for a bunch of wild +roses. A party of walkers came round an angle a moment after; and +waking up to a consciousness of our surroundings, we found, or _I_ +did, that we were just at the end of the rocky walk, where we must +mount up and take to the plain. + +The evening was falling very fair over plain and hill when we got to +the upper level. Mr. Thorold proposed that I should go and see the +camp, which I liked very much to do. So he took me all through it, and +showed and explained all sorts of things about the tents and the +manner of life they lived in them. He said he should like it very +much, if he only had more room; but three or four in one little tent +nine feet by nine, gave hardly, as he said, "a chance to a fellow." +The tents and the camp alleys were full of cadets, loitering about, or +talking, or busy with their accoutrements; here and there I saw an +officer. Captain Percival bowed, Captain Lascelles spoke. I looked for +Preston, but I could see him nowhere. Then Mr. Thorold brought me +into his own tent, introduced one or two cadets who were loitering +there, and who immediately took themselves away; and made me sit down +on what he called a "locker." The tent curtains were rolled tight up, +as far as they would go, and so were the curtains of every other tent; +most beautiful order prevailed everywhere and over every trifling +detail. + +"Well," said Mr. Thorold, sitting down opposite me on a +candle-box--"how do you think you would like camp life?" + +"The tents are too close together," I said. + +He laughed, with a good deal of amusement. + +"That will do!" he said. "You begin by knocking the camp to pieces." + +"But it is beautiful," I went on. + +"And not comfortable. Well, it is pretty comfortable," he said. + +"How do you do when it storms very hard--at night?" + +"Sleep." + +"Don't you ever get wet?" + +"_That_ makes no difference." + +"Sleep in the rain!" said I. And he laughed again at me. It was not +banter. The whole look and air of the man testified to a thorough +soldierly, manly contempt of little things--of all things that might +come in the way of order and his duty. An intrinsic independence and +withal control of circumstances, in so far as the mind can control +them. I read the power to do it. But I wondered to myself if he never +got homesick in that little tent and full camp. It would not do to +touch the question. + +"Do you know Preston Gary?" I asked. "He is a cadet." + +"I know him." + +I thought the tone of the words, careless as they were, signified +little value for the knowledge. + +"I have not seen him anywhere," I remarked. + +"Do you want to see him? He has seen you." + +"No, he cannot," I said, "or he would have come to speak to me." + +"He would if he could," replied Mr. Thorold--"no doubt; but the +liberty is wanting. He is on guard. We crossed his path as we came +into the camp." + +"On guard!" I said. "Is he? Why, he was on guard only a day or two +ago. Does it come so often?" + +"It comes pretty often in Gary's case," said my companion. + +"Does it?" I said. "He does not like it." + +"No," said Mr. Thorold, merrily. "It is not a favourite amusement in +most cases." + +"Then why does he have so much of it?" + +"Gary is not fond of discipline." + +I guessed this might be true. I knew enough of Preston for that. But +it startled me. + +"Does he not obey the regulations?" I asked presently, in a lowered +tone. + +Mr. Thorold smiled. "He is a friend of yours, Miss Randolph?" + +"Yes," I said; "he is my mother's nephew." + +"Then he is your cousin?" said my companion. Another of those +penetrative glances fell on me. They were peculiar; they flashed upon +me, or through me, as keen and clear as the flash of a sabre in the +sun; and out of eyes in which a sunlight of merriment or benignity was +even then glowing. Both glowed upon me just at this moment, so I did +not mind the keen investigation. Indeed, I never minded it. I learned +to know it as one of Mr. Thorold's peculiarities. Now, Dr. Sandford +had a good eye for reading people, but it never flashed, unless under +strong excitement. Mr. Thorold's were dancing and flashing and +sparkling with fifty things by turns; their fund of amusement and +power of observation were the first things that struck me, and they +attracted me too. + +"Then he is your cousin?" + +"Of course, he is my cousin." + +I thought Mr. Thorold seemed a little bit grave and silent for a +moment; then he rose up, with that benign look of his eyes glowing all +over me, and told me there was the drum for parade. "Only the first +drum," he added; so I need not be in a hurry. Would I go home before +parade? + +I thought I would. If Preston was pacing up and down the side of the +camp ground, I thought I did not want to see him nor to have him see +me, as he was there for what I called disgrace. Moreover, I had a +secret presentiment of a breezy discussion with him the next time +there was a chance. + +And I was not disappointed. The next day in the afternoon he came to +see us. Mrs. Sandford and I were sitting on the piazza, where the heat +of an excessive sultry day was now relieved a little by a slender +breeze coming out of the north-west. It was very hot still. Preston +sat down and made conversation in an abstracted way for a little +while. + +"We did not see you at the hop the other night, Mr. Gary," Mrs. +Sandford remarked. + +"No. Were you there?" said Preston. + +"Everybody was there--except you." + +"And Daisy? Were _you_ there, Daisy?" + +"Certainly," Mrs. Sandford responded. "Everybody else could have been +better missed." + +"I did not know you went there," said Preston, in something so like a +growl that Mrs. Sandford lifted her eyes to look at him. + +"I do not wonder you are jealous," she said composedly. + +"Jealous!" said Preston, with growl the second. + +"You had more reason than you knew." + +Preston grumbled something about the hops being "stupid places." I +kept carefully still. + +"Daisy, did _you_ go?" + +I looked up and said yes. + +"Whom did you dance with?" + +"With everybody," said Mrs. Sandford. "That is, so far as the length +of the evening made it possible. Blue and grey, and all colours." + +"I don't want you to dance with everybody," said Preston, in a more +undertone growl. + +"There is no way to prevent it," said Mrs. Sandford, "but to be there +and ask her yourself." + +I did not thank Mrs. Sandford privately for this suggestion; which +Preston immediately followed up by inquiring "if we were going to the +hop to-night?" + +"Certainly," Mrs. Sandford said. + +"It's too confounded hot!" + +"Not for us who are accustomed to the climate," Mrs. Sandford said, +with spirit. + +"It's a bore altogether," muttered Preston. "Daisy, are you going +to-night?" + +"I suppose so." + +"Well, if you must go, you may as well dance with me as with anybody. +So tell anybody else that you are engaged. I will take care of you." + +"Don't you wish to dance with anybody except me?" + +"I do not," said Preston, slowly. "As I said, it is too hot. I +consider the whole thing a bore." + +"You shall not be bored for me," I said. "I refuse to dance with you. +I hope I shall not see you there at all." + +"Daisy!" + +"Well?" + +"Come down and take a little walk with me." + +"You said it is too hot." + +"But you will dance?" + +"You will not dance." + +"I want to speak to you, Daisy." + +"You may speak," I said. I did not want to hear him, for there were no +indications of anything agreeable in Preston's manner. + +"Daisy!" he said, "I do not know you." + +"You used to know her," said Mrs. Sandford; "that is all." + +"Will you come and walk with me?" said Preston, almost angrily. + +"I do not think it would be pleasant," I said. + +"You were walking yesterday afternoon." + +"Yes." + +"Come and walk up and down the piazza, anyhow. You can do that." + +I could, and did not refuse. He chose the sunny western side, because +no one was there. However, the sun's rays were obscured under a thick +haze and had been all day. + +"Whom were you with?" Preston inquired, as soon as we were out of +earshot. + +"Do you mean yesterday?" + +"Of course I mean yesterday! I saw you cross into the camp With whom +were you going there?" + +"Why did you not come to speak to me?" I said. + +"I was on duty. I could not." + +"I did not see you anywhere." + +"I was on guard. You crossed my path not ten feet off." + +"Then you must know whom I was with, Preston," I said, looking at him. + +"_You_ don't know--that is the thing. It was that fellow Thorold." + +"How came you to be on guard again so soon? You were on guard just a +day or two before." + +"That is all right enough. It is about military things that you do not +understand. It is all right enough, except these confounded Yankees. +And Thorold is another." + +"Who is _one_!" I said, laughing. "You say he is _another_." + +"Blunt is one." + +"I like Major Blunt." + +"Daisy," said Preston, stopping short, "you ought to be with your +mother. There is nobody to take care of you here. How came you to know +that Thorold?" + +"He was introduced to me. What is the matter with him?" + +"You ought not to be going about with him. He is a regular Yankee, I +tell you." + +"What does that mean?" I said. "You speak it as if you meant something +very objectionable." + +"I do. They are a cowardly set of tailors. They have no idea what a +gentleman means, not one of them, unless they have caught the idea +from a Southerner. I don't want you to have anything to do with them, +Daisy. You _must_ not dance with them, and you must not be seen with +this Thorold. Promise me you will not." + +"Dr. Sandford is another," I said. + +"I can't help Dr. Sandford. He is your guardian. You must not go again +with Thorold!" + +"Did you ever know _him_ cowardly?" I asked. + +I was sure that Preston coloured; whether with any feeling beside +anger I could not make out; but the anger was certain. + +"What do you know about it?" he asked. + +"What do you?" I rejoined. But Preston changed more and more. + +"Daisy, promise me you will not have anything to do with these +fellows. You are too good to dance with them. There are plenty of +Southern people here now, and lots of Southern cadets." + +"Mr. Caxton is one," I said. "I don't like him." + +"He is of an excellent Georgia family," said Preston. + +"I cannot help that. He is neither gentlemanly in his habits nor true +in his speech." + +Preston hereupon broke out into an untempered abuse of Northern things +in general, and Northern cadets in particular, mingled with a +repetition of his demands upon me. At length I turned from him. + +"This is very tiresome, Preston," I said; "and this side of the house +is very warm. Of course, I must dance with whoever asks me." + +"Well, I have asked you for this evening," he said, following me. + +"You are not to go," I said. "I shall not dance with you once," and I +took my former place by Mrs. Sandford. Preston fumed; declared that I +was just like a piece of marble; and went away. I did not feel quite +so impassive as he said I looked. + +"What are you going to wear to-night, Daisy?" Mrs. Sandford asked +presently. + +"I do not know, ma'am." + +"But you must know soon, my dear. Have you agreed to give your cousin +half the evening?" + +"No, ma'am--I could not; I am engaged for every dance, and more." + +"More!" said Mrs. Sandford. + +"Yes, ma'am--for the next time." + +"Preston has reason!" she said, laughing. "But I think, Daisy, Grant +will be the most jealous of all. Do him good. What will become of his +sciences and his microscope now?" + +"Why, I shall be just as ready for them," I said. + +Mrs. Sandford shook her head. "You will find the hops will take more +than that," she said. "But now, Daisy, think what you will wear; for +we must go soon and get ready." + +I did not want to think about it. I expected, of course, to put on the +same dress I had worn the last time. But Mrs. Sandford objected very +strongly. + +"You must not wear the same thing twice running," she said, "not if +you can help it." + +I could not imagine why not. + +"It is quite nice enough," I urged. "It is scarcely the least tumbled +in the world." + +"People will think you have not another, my dear." + +"What matter would that be?" I said, wholly puzzled. + +"Now, my dear Daisy!" said Mrs. Sandford, half laughing--"you are the +veriest Daisy in the world, and do not understand the world that you +grow in. No matter; just oblige me, and put on something else +to-night. What have you got?" + +I had other dresses like the rejected one. I had another still, white +like them, but the make and quality were different. I hardly knew what +it was, for I had never worn it; to please Mrs. Sandford I took it out +now. She was pleased. It was like the rest, out of the store my mother +had sent me; a soft India muslin, of beautiful texture, made and +trimmed as my mother and a Parisian artist could manage between them. +But no Parisian artist could know better than my mother how a thing +should be. + +"That will do!" said Mrs. Sandford approvingly. "Dear me, what lace +you Southern ladies do wear, to be sure! A blue sash, now, Daisy?" + +"No, ma'am, I think not." + +"Rose? It must be blue or rose." + +But I thought differently, and kept it white. + +"_No_ colour?" said Mrs. Sandford. "None at all. Then let me just put +this little bit of green in your hair." + +As I stood before the glass and she tried various positions for some +geranium leaves, I felt that would not do either. Any dressing of my +head would commonize the whole thing. I watched her fingers and the +geranium leaves going from one side of my head to the other, watched +how every touch changed the tone of my costume, and felt that I could +not suffer it; and then it suddenly occurred to me that I, who a +little while before had not cared about my dress for the evening, now +did care and that determinedly. I knew I would wear no geranium +leaves, not even to please Mrs. Sandford. And for the first time a +question stole into my mind, what was I, Daisy, doing? But then I said +to myself, that the dress without this head adorning was perfect in +its elegance; it suited me; and it was not wrong to like beauty, nor +to dislike things in bad taste. Perhaps I was too handsomely dressed, +but I could not change that now. Another time I would go back to my +embroidered muslins, and stay there. + +"I like it better without anything, Mrs. Sandford," I said, removing +her green decorations and turning away from the glass. Mrs. Sandford +sighed, but said "it would do without them," and then we started. + +I can see it all again; I can almost feel the omnibus roll with me +over the plain, that still sultry night. All those nights were sultry. +Then, as we came near the Academic Building, I could see the lights in +the upper windows; here and there an officer sitting in a window-sill, +and the figures of cadets passing back and forth. Then we mounted to +the hall above, filled with cadets in a little crowd, and words of +recognition came, and Preston, meeting us almost before we got out of +the dressing-room. + +"Daisy, you dance with me?" + +"I am engaged, Preston, for the first dance." + +"Already! The second, then, and all the others?" + +"I am engaged," I repeated, and left him, for Mr. Thorold was at my +side. + +I forgot Preston the next minute. It was easy to forget him, for all +the first half of the evening I was honestly happy in dancing. In +talking, too, whenever Thorold was my partner; other people's talk was +very tiresome. They went over the platitudes of the day; or they +started subjects of interest that were not interesting to me. Bits of +gossip--discussions of fashionable amusements with which I could have +nothing to do; frivolous badinage, which was of all things most +distasteful to me. Yet, amid it, I believe there was a subtle incense +of admiration which by degrees and insensibly found its way to my +senses. But I had two dances with Thorold, and at those times I was +myself and enjoyed unalloyed pleasure. And so I thought did he. + +I saw Preston, when now and then I caught a glimpse of him, looking +excessively glum. Midway in the evening it happened that I was +standing beside him for a few moments, waiting for my next partner. + +"You are dancing with nobody but that man whom I hate!" he grumbled. +"Who is it now?" + +"Captain Vaux." + +"Will you dance with me after that?" + +"I cannot, Preston. I must dance with Major Banks." + +"You seem to like it pretty well," he growled. + +"No wonder," said Mrs. Sandford. "You were quite right about the +geranium leaves, Daisy; you do not want them. You do not want +anything, my dear," she whispered. + +At this instant a fresh party entered the room, just as my partner +came up to claim me. + +"There are some handsome girls," said the captain. "Two of them, +really!" + +"People from Cozzens's," said Mrs. Sandford, "who think the cadets +keep New York hours." + +It was Faustina St. Clair and Mary Lansing, with their friends and +guardians, I don't know whom. And as I moved to take my place in the +dance, I was presently confronted by my school adversary and the +partner she had immediately found. The greeting was very slight and +cool on her side. + +"Excessively handsome," whispered the captain. "A friend of yours?" + +"A schoolfellow," I said. + +"Must be a pleasant thing, I declare, to have such handsome +schoolfellows," said the captain. "Beauty is a great thing, isn't it? +I wonder, sometimes, how the ladies can make up their minds to take up +with such great rough ugly fellows as we are, for a set. How do you +think it is?" + +I thought it was wonderful, too, when they were like him. But I said +nothing. + +"Dress, too," said the captain. "Now look at our dress! Straight and +square and stiff, and no variety in it. While our eyes are delighted, +on the other side, with soft draperies and fine colours, and +combinations of grace and elegance that are fit to put a man in +Elysium!" + +"Did you notice the colour of the haze in the west, this evening, at +sunset?" I asked. + +"Haze? No, really. I didn't know there was any haze, really, except in +my head. I get hazy amidst these combinations. Seriously, Miss +Randolph, what do you think of a soldier's life?" + +"It depends on who the soldier is," I said. + +"Cool, really!" said the captain. "Cool! Ha! ha!--" + +And he laughed, till I wondered what I could have said to amuse him so +much. + +"Then you have learned to individualize soldiers already?" was his +next question, put with a look which seemed to me inquisitive and +impertinent. I did not know how to answer it, and left it unanswered; +and the captain and I had the rest of our dance out in silence. +Meanwhile, I could not help watching Faustina. She was so very +handsome, with a marked, dashing sort of beauty that I saw was +prodigiously admired. She took no notice of me, and barely touched the +tips of my fingers with her glove as we passed in the dance. + +As he was leading me back to Mrs. Sandford, the captain stooped his +head to mine. "Forgive me," he whispered. "So much gentleness cannot +bear revenge. I am only a soldier." + +"Forgive you what, sir?" I asked. And he drew up his head again, half +laughed, muttered that I was worse than grape or round shot, and +handed me over to my guardian. + +"My dear Daisy," said Mrs. Sandford, "If you were not so sweet as you +are, you would be a queen. There, now, do not lift up your grey eyes +at me like that, or I shall make you a reverence the first thing I do, +and fancy that I am one of your _dames d'honneur_. Who is next? Major +Banks? Take care, Daisy, or you'll do some mischief." + +I had not time to think about her words; the dances went forward, and +I took my part in them with great pleasure until the tattoo summons +broke us up. Indeed, my pleasure lasted until we got home to the +hotel, and I heard Mrs. Sandford saying, in an aside to her husband, +amid some rejoicing over me--"I was dreadfully afraid she wouldn't +go." The words, or something in them, gave me a check. However, I had +too many exciting things to think of to take it up just then, and my +brain was in a whirl of pleasure till I went to sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + +OBEYING ORDERS. + + +As I shared Mrs. Sandford's room, of course I had very scant +opportunities of being by myself. In the delightful early mornings I +was accustomed to take my book, therefore, and go down where I had +gone the first morning, to the rocks by the river's side. Nobody came +by that way at so early an hour; I had been seen by nobody except that +one time, when Thorold and his companion passed me; and I felt quite +safe. It was pleasanter down there than can be told. However sultry +the air on the heights above, so near the water there was always a +savour of freshness; or else I fancied it, in the hearing of the soft +liquid murmur of the little wavelets against the shore. But sometimes +it was so still I could hear nothing of that; then birds and insects, +or the faint notes of a bugle call, were the only things to break the +absolute hush; and the light was my refreshment, on river and tree and +rock and hill; one day sharp and clear, another day fairylandlike and +dreamy through golden mist. + +It was a good retiring place in any case, so early in the day. I could +read and pray there better than in a room, I thought. The next morning +after my second dancing party, I was there as usual. It was a sultry July +morning, the yellow light in the haze on the hills threatening a very hot +day. I was very happy, as usual; but somehow my thoughts went roaming off +into the yellow haze, as if the landscape had been my life, and I were +trying to pick out points of light here and there, and sporting on the +gay surface. I danced my dances over again in the flow of the river; +heard soft words of kindness or admiration in the song of the birds; +wandered away in mazes of speculative fancy among the thickets of tree +stems and underbrush. The sweet wonderful note of a wood-thrush, +somewhere far out of sight, assured me, what everything conspired to +assure me, that I was certainly in fairyland, not on the common earth. +But I could not get on with my Bible at all. Again and again I began to +read; then a bird or a bough or a ripple would catch my attention, and +straightway I was off on a flight of fancy or memory, dancing over again +my dances with Mr. Thorold, dwelling upon the impression of his figure +and dress, and the fascination of his brilliant, changing hazel eyes; or +recalling Captain Vaux's or somebody else's insipid words and looks, or +Faustina St. Clair's manner of ill-will; or on the other hand giving a +passing thought to the question how I should dress the next hop night. +After a long wandering, I would come back and begin at my Bible again, +but only for a little; my fancy could not be held to it; and a few +scarcely read verses and a few half-uttered petitions were all I had +accomplished before the clangour of the hotel gong, sounding down even to +me, warned me that my time was gone. And the note of the wood-thrush, as +I slowly mounted the path, struck reproachfully and rebukingly upon the +ear of my conscience. + +How had this come about? I mused as I went up the hill. What was the +matter? What had bewitched me? No pleasure in my Bible; no time for +prayer; and only the motion of feet moving to music, only the flutter +of lace and muslin, and the flashing of hazel eyes, filling my brain. +What was wrong? Nay, something. And why had Mrs. Sandford "feared" I +would not go to the hops? Were they not places for Christians to go +to? What earthly harm? Only pleasure. But what if pleasure that marred +better pleasure--that interrupted duty? And why was I ruminating on +styles and colours, and proposing to put on another dress that should +be more becoming the next time? and thinking that it would be well it +should be a contrast to Faustina St. Clair? What! entering the lists +with her, on her own field? No, no; I could not think of it. But what +then? And what was this little flutter at my heart about gentlemen's +words and looks of homage and liking? What could it be to me, that +such people as Captain Vaux or Captain Lascelles liked me? Captain +Lascelles, who when he was not dancing or flirting was pleased to curl +himself up on one of the window seats like a monkey, and take a +grinning survey of what went on. Was I flattered by such admiration as +his?--or _any_ admiration? I liked to have Mr. Thorold like me; yes, I +was not wrong to be pleased with that; besides, that was _liking_; not +empty compliments. But for my lace and my India muslin and my +"Southern elegance"--I knew Colonel Walrus meant me when he talked +about that--was I thinking of admiration for such things as these, and +thinking so much that my Bible reading had lost its charm? What was in +fault? Not the hops? They were too pleasant. It could not be the hops. + +I mounted the hill slowly and in a great maze, getting more and more +troubled. I entering the lists with Faustina St. Clair, going in her +ways? I knew these were her ways. I had heard scraps enough of +conversation among the girls about these things, which I then did not +understand. And another word came therewith into my mind, powerful +once before, and powerful now to disentangle the false from the true. +"The world knoweth us not." Did it not know me, last night? Would it +not, if I went there again? But the hops were so pleasant! + +It almost excites a smile in me now to think how pleasant they were. I +was only sixteen. I had seen no dancing parties other than the little +school assemblages at Mme. Ricard's; and I was fond of the amusement +even there. Here, it seemed to me, then, as if all prettiness and +pleasantness that could come together in such a gathering met in the +dancing room of the cadets. I think not very differently now, as to +that point. The pretty accompaniments of uniform; the simple style and +hours; the hearty enjoyment of the occasion; were all a little unlike +what is found at other places. And to me, and to increase my +difficulty, came a crowning pleasure; I met Thorold there. To have a +good dance and talk with him was worth certainly all the rest. Must I +give it up? + +I could not bear to think so, but the difficulty helped to prick my +conscience. There had been only two hops, and I was so enthralled +already. How would it be if I had been to a dozen; and where might it +end? And the word stands,--"The world knoweth us _not_." + +It must not know me, Daisy Randolph, as in any sort belonging to it or +mixed up with it; and therefore--Daisy Randolph must go to the hop no +more. I felt the certainty of the decision growing over me, even while +I was appalled by it. I staved off consideration all that day. + +In the afternoon Mr. Thorold came and took me to see the laboratory, +and explained for me a number of curious things. I should have had +great enjoyment, if Preston had not taken it into his head, unasked, +to go along; being unluckily with me when Thorold came. He was a +thorough marplot; saying nothing of consequence himself, and only +keeping a grim watch--I could take it as nothing else--of everything +we said and did. Consequently, Mr. Thorold's lecture was very proper +and grave, instead of being full of fun and amusement, as well as +instruction. I took Preston to task about it when we got home. + +"You hinder pleasure when you go in that mood," I told him. + +"What mood?" + +"You know. You never are pleasant when Mr. Thorold is present or when +he is mentioned." + +"He is a cowardly Yankee!" was Preston's rejoinder. + +"_Cowardly_, Gary?"--said somebody near; and I saw a cadet whom I did +not know, who came from behind us and passed by on the piazza. He did +not look at us, and stayed not for any more words; but turning to +Preston, I was surprised to see his face violently flushed. + +"Who was that?" + +"No matter--impertinence!" he muttered. + +"But what _is_ the matter? and what did he mean?" + +"He is one of Thorold's set," said Preston; "and I tell you Daisy, you +shall not have anything to do with them. Aunt Felicia would never +allow it. She would not look at them herself. You shall not have +anything more to do with them." + +How could I, if I was going no more to the hops? How could I see +Thorold, or anybody? The thought struck to my heart, and I made no +answer. Company, however, kept me from considering the matter all the +evening. + +But the next day, early, I was in my usual place: near the river side, +among the rocks, with my Bible; and I resolved to settle the question +there as it ought to be settled. I was resolved; but to do what I had +resolved was difficult. For I wanted to go to the hop that evening +very much. Visions of it floated before me; snatches of music and +gleams of light; figures moving in harmony; words and looks; and--my +own white little person. All these made a kind of quaint mosaic with +flashes of light on the river, and broad warm bands of sunshine on the +hills, and the foliage of trees and bushes, and the grey lichened +rocks at my foot. It was confusing; but I turned over the leaves of my +Bible to see if I could find some undoubted direction as to what I +ought to do, or perhaps rather some clear permission for what I wished +to do. I could not remember that the Bible said anything about +dancing, _pro_ or _con_; dancing, I thought, could not be wrong; but +this confusion in my mind was not right. I fluttered over my leaves a +good while with no help; then I thought I might as well take a chapter +somewhere and study it through. The whole chapter, it was the third of +Colossians, did not seem to me to go favourably for my pleasure; but +the seventeenth verse brought me to a point,--"Whatsoever ye do in +word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus." + +There was no loophole here for excuses or getting off, "_Whatsoever ye +do._" Did I wish it otherwise? No, I did not. I was content with the +terms of service; but now about dancing, or rather, the dancing party? +"In the name of the Lord Jesus." Could I go there in that name? as the +servant of my Master, busy about His work, or taking pleasure that He +had given me to take? That was the question. And all my visions of +gay words and gay scenes, all the flutter of pleased vanity and the +hope of it, rose up and answered me. By that thought of the pretty +dress I would wear, I knew I should not wear it "in the name of the +Lord Jesus;" for my thought was of honour to myself, not to Him. By +the fear which darted into my head, that Mr. Thorold might dance with +Faustina if I were not there, I knew I should not go "in the name of +the Lord," if I went; but to gratify my own selfish pride and +emulation. By the confusion which had reigned in my brain these two +days, by the tastelessness of my Bible, by the unaptness for prayer, I +knew I could not go in the name of my Lord, for it would be to unfit +myself for His work. + +The matter was settled in one way; but the pain of it took longer to come +to an end. It is sorrowful to me to remember now how hard it was to get +over. My vanity I was heartily ashamed of, and bade that show its head no +more; my emulation of Faustina St. Clair gave me some horror; but the +pleasure--the real honest pleasure, of the scene, and the music and the +excitement and the dancing and the seeing people--all that I did not let +go for ever without a hard time of sorrow and some tears. It was not a +_struggle_, for I gave that up at once; only I had to fight pain. It was +one of the hardest things I ever did in my life. And the worst of all and +the most incurable was, I should miss seeing Mr. Thorold. One or two more +walks, possibly, I might have with him; but those long, short evenings of +seeing and talking and dancing! + +Mrs. Sandford argued, coaxed, and rallied me; and then said, if I +would not go, she should not; and she did not. That evening we spent +at home together, and alone; for everybody else had drifted over to +the hop. I suppose Mrs. Sandford found it dull; for the next hop night +she changed her mind and left me. I had rather a sorrowful evening. +Dr. Sandford had not come back from the mountains; indeed, I did not +wish for him; and Thorold had not been near us for several days. My +fairyland was getting disenchanted a little bit. But I was quite sure +I had done right. + +The next morning, I had hardly been three minutes on my rock by the +river, when Mr. Thorold came round the turn of the walk and took a +seat beside me. + +"How do you do?" said he, stretching out his hand. I put mine in it. + +"What has become of my friend, this seven years?" + +"I am here--" I said. + +"I see you. But why have I _not_ seen you, all this while?" + +"I suppose you have been busy," I answered. + +"Busy! Of course I have, or I should have been here asking questions. +I was not too busy to dance with you: and I was promised--how many +dances? Where have you been?" + +"I have been at home." + +"Why?" + +Would Mr. Thorold understand me? Mrs. Sandford did not. My own mother +never did. I hesitated, and he repeated his question, and those hazel +eyes were sparkling all sorts of queries around me. + +"I have given up going to the hops," I said. + +"Given up? Do you mean, you _don't_ mean, that you are never coming +any more?" + +"I am not coming any more." + +"Don't you sometimes change your decisions?" + +"I suppose I do," I answered; "but not this one." + +"I am in a great puzzle," he said. "And very sorry. Aren't you going +to be so good as to give me some clue to this mystery? Did you find +the hops so dull?" + +And he looked very serious indeed. + +"Oh no!" I said. "I liked them very much--I enjoyed them very much. I +am sorry to stay away." + +"Then you will not stay away very long." + +"Yes--I shall." + +"Why?" he asked again, with a little sort of imperative curiosity +which was somehow very pleasant to me. + +"I do not think it is right for me to go," I said. Then, seeing grave +astonishment and great mystification in his face, I added, "I am a +Christian, Mr. Thorold." + +"A Christian!" he cried, with flashes of light and shadow crossing his +brow. "Is _that_ it?" + +"That is it," I assented. + +"But my dear Miss Randolph--you know we are friends?" + +"Yes," I said, smiling, and glad that he had not forgotten it. + +"Then we may talk about what we like. Christians go to hops." + +I looked at him without answering. + +"Don't you know they do?" + +"I suppose they may--" I answered, slowly. + +"But they _do_. There was our former colonel's wife--Mrs. Holt; she +was a regular church-goer, and a member of the church; she was always +at the hop, and her sister; they are both church members. Mrs. +Lambkin, General Lambkin's wife, she is another. Major Banks' +sisters--those pretty girls--they are always there; and it is the same +with visitors. Everybody comes; their being Christians does not make +any difference." + +"Captain Thorold," said I--"I mean Mr. Thorold, don't you obey your +orders?" + +"Yes--general," he said. And he laughed. + +"So must I." + +"You are not a soldier." + +"Yes--I am." + +"Have you got orders not to come to our hop?" + +"I think I have. You will not understand me, but this is what I mean, +Mr. Thorold. I _am_ a soldier, of another sort from you; and I have +orders not to go anywhere that my Captain does not send me, or where I +cannot be serving Him." + +"I wish you would show those orders to me." + +I gave him the open page which I had been studying, that same chapter +of Colossians, and pointed out the words. He looked at them, and +turned over the page, and turned it back. + +"I don't see the orders," he said. + +I was silent. I had not expected he would. + +"And I was going to say, I never saw any Christians that were +soldiers; but I have, one. And so you are another?" And he bent upon +me a look so curiously considering, tender, and wondering, at once, +that I could not help smiling. + +"A soldier!" said he, again. "You? Have you ever been under fire?" + +I smiled again, and then, I don't know what it was. I cannot tell +what, in the question and in the look, touched some weak spot. The +question called up such sharp answers; the look spoke so much +sympathy. It was very odd for me to do, but I was taken unawares; my +eyes fell and filled, and before I could help it were more than full. +I do not know, to this day, how I came to cry before Thorold. It was +very soon over, my weakness, whatever it was. It seemed to touch him +amazingly. He got hold of my hand, put it to his lips, and kissed it +over and over, outside and inside. + +"I can see it all in your face," he said, tenderly: "the strength and +the truth to do anything, and bear--whatever is necessary. But I am +not so good as you. I cannot bear anything unless it _is_ necessary; +and this isn't." + +"Oh no, nor I!" I said; "but this is necessary, Mr. Thorold." + +"Prove it--come." + +"You do not see the orders," I said; "but there they are. 'Do all in +the name of the Lord Jesus.' I cannot go to that place 'in His name.'" + +"I do not think I understand what you mean," he said, gently. "A +soldier, the best that ever lived, is his own man when he is off duty. +We go to the hop to play--not to work." + +"Ah, but a soldier of Christ is never 'off duty,'" I said. "See, Mr. +Thorold--_'whatsoever_ ye do'--'whether ye eat or drink, or whatsoever +ye do.' That covers all; don't you see?" + +"That would make it a very heavy thing to be a Christian," he said; +"there would be no liberty at all." + +"Oh, but it is all liberty!" I said,--"When you love Jesus." + +He looked at me so inquiringly, so inquisitively, that I went on. + +"You do not think it hard to do things for anybody you love?" + +"No," said he. "I would like to do things for you." + +I remember I smiled at that, for it seemed to me very pleasant to hear +him say it; but I went on. + +"Then you understand it, Mr. Thorold." + +"No," said he, "I do not understand it; for there is this difficulty. +I do not see what in the world such an innocent amusement as that we +are talking of can have to do with Christian duty, one way or another. +Every Christian woman that I know comes to it,--that is young enough; +and some that aren't." + +It was very hard to explain. + +"Suppose they disobey orders," I said slowly;--"that would be another +reason why I should obey them." + +"Of course. But do they?" + +"I should," I said. "I am not serving Christ when I am there. I am not +doing the work He has given me to do. I cannot go." + +"I came down here on purpose to persuade you," he said. + +It was not necessary to answer that, otherwise than by a look. + +"And you are unpersuadable," he said; "unmanageable, of course, by me; +strong as a giant, and gentle as a snowflake. But the snowflake melts; +and you--you will go up to the hotel as good a crystal as when you +came down." + +This made me laugh, and we had a good laugh together, holding each +other's hand. + +"Do you know," said he, "I must go? There is a roll of a summons that +reaches my ear, and I must be at the top of the bank in one minute and +a quarter. I had no leave to be here." + +"Hadn't you?" I said. "Oh, then, go, go directly, Mr. Thorold!" + +But I could not immediately release my hand, and holding it and +looking at me, Thorold laughed again; his hazel eyes sparkling and +dancing and varying with what feelings I could not tell. They looked +very steadily, too, till I remember mine went down, and then, lifting +his cap, he turned suddenly and sprang away. I sat down to get breath +and think. + +I had come to my place rather sober and sorrowful; and what a +pleasant morning I had had! I did not mind at all, now, my not going +to the dances. I had explained myself to Mr. Thorold, and we were not +any further apart for it, and I had had a chance to speak to him about +other things too. And though he did not understand me, perhaps he +would some day. The warning gong sounded before I had well got to my +Bible reading. My Bible reading was very pleasant this morning, and I +could not be baulked of it; so I spent over it near the whole half +hour that remained, and rushed up to the hotel in the last five +minutes. Of course, I was rather late and quite out of breath; and +having no voice and being a little excited, I suppose was the reason +that I curtseyed to Dr. Sandford, whom I met at the head of the piazza +steps. He looked at me like a man taken aback. + +"Daisy!" he exclaimed. + +"Yes, sir," I answered. + +"Where have you come from?" + +"From my study," I said. "I have a nice place down by the river which +is my study." + +"Rather a public situation for a private withdrawing place," said the +doctor. + +"Oh no!" said I. "At this hour--" But there I stopped and began again. +"It is really very private. And it is the pleasantest study place I +think I ever had." + +"To study what?" + +I held up my book. + +"It agrees with you," said the doctor. + +"What?" said I, laughing. + +"Daisy!" said Dr. Sandford--"I left a quiet bud of a flower a few days +ago--a little demure bit of a schoolgirl, learning geology; and I +have got a young princess here, a full rose, prickles and all, I don't +doubt. What has Mrs. Sandford done with you?" + +"I do not know," said I, thinking I had better be demure again. "She +took me to the hop." + +"The hop?--how did you like that?" + +"I liked it very much." + +"You did? You liked it? I did not know that you would go, with your +peculiar notions." + +"I went," I said; "I did not know what it was. How could I help liking +it? But I am not going again." + +"Why not, if you like it?" + +"I am not going again," I repeated. "Shall we have a walk to the hills +to-day, Dr. Sandford?" + +"Grant!" said his sister-in-law's voice, "don't you mean the child +shall have any breakfast? What made you so late, Daisy? Come in, and +talk afterwards. Grant is uneasy if he can't see at least your shadow +all the while." + +We went in to breakfast, and I took a delightful walk with Dr. +Sandford afterward, back in the ravines of the hills; but I had got an +odd little impression of two things. First, that he, like Preston, was +glad to have me give up going to the hops. I was sure of it from his +air and tone of voice, and it puzzled me; for he could not possibly +have Preston's dislike of Northerners, nor be unwilling that I should +know them. The other thing was, that he would not like my seeing Mr. +Thorold. I don't know how I knew it, but I knew it. I thought--it was +very odd--but I thought he was _jealous_; or rather, I felt he would +be if he had any knowledge of our friendship for each other. So I +resolved he should have no such knowledge. + +Our life went on now as it had done at our first coming. Every day Dr. +Sandford and I went to the woods and hills, on a regular naturalist's +expedition; and nothing is so pleasant as such expeditions. At home, we +were busy with microscopic examinations, preparations, and studies; +delightful studies, and beautiful lessons, in which the doctor was the +finest of instructors, as I have said, and I was at least the happiest of +scholars. Mrs. Sandford fumed a little, and Mr. Sandford laughed; but +that did no harm. Everybody went to the hops, except the doctor and me; +and every morning and evening, at guardmounting and parade, I was on the +ground behind the guard tents to watch the things done and listen to the +music and enjoy all the various beauty. Sometimes I had a glimpse of +Thorold; for many both of cadets and officers used to come and speak to +me and rally me on my seclusion, and endeavour to tempt me out of it. +Thorold did not that; he only looked at me, as if I were something to be +a little wondered at but wholly approved of. It was not a disagreeable +look to meet. + +"I must have it out with you," he said one evening, when he had just a +minute to speak to me. "There is a whole world of things I don't +understand, and want to talk about. Let us go Saturday afternoon and +take a long walk up to 'Number Four'--do you like hills?" + +"Yes." + +"Then let us go up there Saturday--will you?" + +And when Saturday came, we went. Preston luckily was not there; and +Dr. Sandford, also luckily, was gone to dine at the General's with his +brother. There were no more shadows on earth than there were clouds in +the sky, as we took our way across the plain and along the bank in +front of the officers' quarters looking north, and went out at the +gate. Then we left civilization and the world behind us, and plunged +into a wild mountain region; going up, by a track which few feet ever +used, the rough slope to "Number Four." Yet that a few feet used it +was plain. + +"Do people come here to walk much?" I asked, as we slowly made our way +up. + +"Nobody comes here--for anything." + +"Somebody _goes_ here," I said. "This is a beaten path." + +"Oh, there is a poor woodcutter's family at the top; they do travel up +and down occasionally." + +"It is pretty," I said. + +"It is pretty at the top; but we are a long way from that. Is it too +rough for you?" + +"Not at all," I said. "I like it." + +"You are a good walker for a Southern girl." + +"Oh, but I have lived at the North; I am only Southern born." + +Soon, however, he made me stop to rest. There was a good grey rock +under the shadow of the trees; Thorold placed me on that and threw +himself on the moss at my feet. We were up so high in the world that +the hills on the other side of the river rose beautifully before us +through the trees, and a sunny bit of the lower ground of the plain +looked like a bit of another world that we were leaving. It was a +sunny afternoon and a little hazy; every line softened, every colour +made richer, under the mellowing atmosphere. + +"Now you can explain it all to me," said Thorold, as he threw himself +down. "You have walked too fast. You are warm." + +"And you do not look as if it was warm at all." + +"I! This is nothing to me," he said. "But perhaps it will warm me and +cool you if we get into a talk. I want explanations." + +"About what, Mr. Thorold?" + +"Well--if you will excuse me--about you," he said, with a very +pleasant look, frank and soft at once. + +"I am quite ready to explain myself. But I am afraid, when I have done +it, that you will not understand me, Mr. Thorold." + +"Think I cannot?" said he. + +"I am afraid not--without knowing what I know." + +"Let us see," said Thorold. "I want to know why you judge so +differently from other people about the right and the wrong of hops +and such things. Somebody is mistaken--that is clear." + +"But the difficulty is, I cannot give you my point of view." + +"Please try," said Thorold, contentedly. + +"Mr. Thorold, I told you, I am a soldier." + +"Yes," he said, looking up at me, and little sparkles of light seeming +to come out of his hazel eyes. + +"I showed you my orders." + +"But I did not understand them to be what you said." + +"Suppose you were in an enemy's country," I said; "a rebel country; +and your orders were, to do nothing which could be construed into +encouraging the rebels, or which could help them to think that your +king would hold friendship with them, or that there was not a perfect +gulf of division between you and them." + +"But this is not such a case?" said Thorold. + +"That is only part," I said. "Suppose your orders were to keep +constant watch and hold yourself at every minute ready for duty, and +to go nowhere and do nothing that would unfit you for instant service, +or put you off your watch?" + +"But, Miss Randolph!" said Thorold, a little impatiently, "do these +little dances unfit you for duty?" + +"Yes," I said. "And put me off my watch." + +"Your watch against what? Oh, pardon me, and _please_ enlighten me. I +do not mean to be impertinent." + +"I mean my watch for orders--my watch against evil." + +"Won't you explain?" said Thorold, gently and impatiently at once. +"What sort of evil can _you_ possibly fear, in connection with such an +innocent recreation? What 'orders' are you expecting?" + +I hesitated. Should I tell him; would he believe; was it best to +unveil the working of my own heart to that degree? And how could I +evade or shirk the question? + +"I should not like to tell you," I said at length, "the thoughts and +feelings I found stirring in myself, after the last time I went to the +dance. I dare say they are something that belongs especially to a +woman, and that a man would not know them." + +Thorold turned on me again a wonderfully gentle look, for a gay, fiery +young Vermonter, as I knew him to be. + +"It wanted only that!" he said. "And the orders, Miss Randolph--what +'orders' are you expecting? You said orders." + +"Orders may be given by a sign," I said. "They need not be in words." + +He smiled. "I see, you have studied the subject." + +"I mean, only, that whenever a duty is plainly put before +me--something given me to do--I know I have 'orders' to do it. And +then, Mr. Thorold, as the orders are not spoken, nor brought to me by +a messenger, only made known to me by a sign of some sort--If I did +not keep a good watch, I should be sure to miss the sign sometimes, +don't you see?" + +"This is soldiership!" said Thorold. And getting up, he stood before +me in attitude like a soldier as he was, erect, still with arms +folded, only not up to his chin, like Capt. Percival, but folded +manfully. He had been watching me very intently; now he stood as +intently looking off over the farther landscape. Methought I had a +sort of pride in his fine appearance; and yet he did in no wise belong +to me. Nevertheless, it was pleasant to see the firm, still attitude, +the fine proportions, the military nicety of all his dress, which I +had before noticed on the parade ground. For as there is a difference +between one walk and another, though all trained, so there is a +difference between one neatness and another, though all according to +regulation: and Preston never looked like this. + +He turned round at last, and smiled down at me. + +"Are you rested?" + +"O yes!" I said, rising. "I was not fatigued." + +"Are you tired talking?" + +"No, not at all. Have I talked so very much?" + +He laughed at that, but went on. + +"Will you be out of patience with my stupidity?" + +I said no. + +"Because I am not fully enlightened yet. I want to ask further +questions; and asking questions is very impertinent." + +"Not if you have leave," I said. "Ask what you like." + +"I am afraid, nevertheless. But I can never know, if I do not ask. How +is it--this is what puzzles me--that other people who call themselves +Christians do not think as you do about this matter?" + +"Soldiership?" I asked. + +"Well, yes. It comes to that, I suppose." + +"You know what soldiership ought to be," I said. + +"But one little soldier cannot be all the rank and file of this army?" +he said, looking down at me. + +"O no!" I said, laughing--"there are a great many more--there are a +great many more--only you do not happen to see them." + +"And these others, that I do see, are not soldiers, then?" + +"I do not know," I said, feeling sadly what a stumbling-block it was. +"Perhaps they are. But you know yourself, Mr. Thorold, there is a +difference between soldiers and soldiers." + +He was silent a while, as we mounted the hill; then he continued-- + +"But it makes religion a slavery--a bondage--to be _all_ the while +under arms, on guard, watching orders. _Always_ on the watch and +expecting to be under fire--it is too much; it would make a gloomy, +ugly life of it." + +"But suppose you _are_ under fire?" I said. + +"What?" said he, looking and laughing again. + +"If you are a good soldier in an enemy's country, always with work to +do; will you wish to be off your guard, or off duty?" + +"But what a life!" said Thorold. + +"If you love your Captain?" said I. + +He stopped and looked at me with one of the keenest looks of scrutiny +I ever met. It seemed to scrutinize not me only, but the truth. I +thought he was satisfied; for he turned away without adding anything +more at that time. His mind was at work, however; for he broke down a +small branch in his way and busied himself with it in sweeping the +trunks of the trees as we went by; varying the occupation with a +careful clearing away of all stones and sticks that would make my path +rougher than it need be. Finally, giving me his hand to help me spring +over a little rivulet that crossed our way. + +"Here is an incongruity, now I think of it," said he, smiling. "How is +it that you be on such good terms with a rebel? Ought you to have +anything to do with me?" + +"I may be friends with anybody in his private capacity," I answered in +the same tone. "That does not compromise anything. It is only +when--You know what I mean." + +"When they are assembled for doubtful purposes." + +"Or gathered in a place where the wrong colours are displayed," I +added. "I must not go there." + +"There was no false banner hung out on the Academic Building the other +night," he said humorously. + +But I knew my King's banner was not either. I knew people did not +think of Him there, nor work for Him, and would have been very much +surprised to hear any one speak of Him. Say it was innocent amusement; +people did not want Him with them there; and where He was not, I did +not wish to be. But I could not tell all this to Mr. Thorold. He was +not contented, however, without an answer. + +"How was it?" he asked. + +"You cannot understand me and you may laugh at me," I said. + +"Why may I not understand you?" he asked deferentially. + +"I suppose, because you do not understand something else," I said; +"and you cannot, Mr. Thorold, until you know what the love of Jesus +is, and what it is to care for His honour and His service more than +for anything else in the world." + +"But are they compromised?" he asked. "That is the thing. You see, I +want you back at the hop." + +"I would like to come," said I; "but I must not." + +"On the ground--?" + +"I told you, Mr. Thorold. I do not find that my orders allow me to go. +I must do nothing that I cannot do in my King's name." + +"That is--" + +"As His servant--on His errands--following where He leads me." + +"I never heard it put so before," said Thorold. "It bears the stamp of +perfection--only an impossible perfection." + +"No--" said I. + +"To ordinary mortals," he rejoined, with one of his quick, brilliant +flashes of the eye. Then, as it softened and changed again-- + +"Miss Randolph, permit me to ask one question--Are you happy?" + +And with the inquiry came the investigating look, keen as a razor or a +rifle ball. I could meet it, though; and I told him it was _this_ made +me happy. For the first time his face was troubled. He turned it from +me and dropped the conversation. I let it drop, too; and we walked +side by side and silently the remainder of the steep way; neither of +us, I believe, paying much attention to what there was to be seen +below or around us. At the top, however, this changed. We found a good +place to rest, and sat there a long time looking at the view; Thorold +pointing out its different features, and telling me about them in +detail; his visits to them, and exploration of the region generally. +And we planned imaginary excursions together, one especially to the +top of the Crow's Nest, with an imaginary party, to see the sun rise. +We would have to go up, of course, overnight; we must carry a tent +along for shelter, and camp-beds, and cooking utensils, at least a pot +to boil coffee; and plenty of warm wraps and plenty of provisions, for +people always eat terribly in cold regions, Thorold said. And although +the top of the Crow's Nest is not Arctic by any means, still, it is +cool enough even in a warm day, and would be certainly cool at night. +Also the members of our party we debated; they must be people of good +tempers and travelling habits, not to be put out for a little; people +with large tastes for enjoyment, to whom the glory of the morning +would make amends for all the toil of the night; and good talkers, to +keep up the tone of the whole thing. Meanwhile, Thorold and I heartily +enjoyed Number Four; as also I did his explanations of fortifications, +which I drew from him and made him apply to all the fortifications in +sight or which I knew. And when the sun's westing told us it was time +to go home, we went down all the way talking. I have but little +remembrance of the path. I remember the cool, bright freshness of the +light, and its brilliant gleam in the distance after it had left the +hillside. I have an impression of the calm clear beauty that was +underfoot and overhead that afternoon; but I saw it only as I could +see it while giving my thought to something else. Sometimes, holding +hands, we took runs down the mountain side; then walked demurely again +when we got to easier going. We had come to the lower region at last, +and were not far from the gate, talking earnestly and walking close +together, when I saw Thorold touch his cap. + +"Was that anybody I knew?" I asked. + +"I believe it was your friend Dr. Sandford," he said, smiling into my +face with a smile of peculiar expression and peculiar beauty. I saw +something had pleased him, pleased him very much. It could not have +been Dr. Sandford. I cannot say I was pleased, as I had an intuitive +assurance the doctor was not. But Thorold's smile almost made amends. + +That evening the doctor informed us he had got intelligence which +obliged him to leave the Point immediately; and as he could go with us +part of the way to Niagara, we had better all set off together. I had +lost all my wish to go to Niagara; but I said nothing. Mrs. Sandford +said there was nothing to be gained by staying at the Point any +longer, as I would not go to the hops. So Monday morning we went +away. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + +SOUTH AND NORTH. + + +We made a round of pleasure after leaving West Point. That is, it was +a round of pleasure to the rest of the party. I had left my best +pleasure behind me. Certainly, I enjoyed Catskill, and Trenton Falls, +and Niagara, after some sort; but there was nothing in them all like +my walk to "Number Four." West Point had enough natural beauty to +satisfy any one, I thought, even for all summer; and there I had +besides what I had not elsewhere and never had before, a companion. +All my earlier friends were far older than I, or beneath me in +station. Preston was the single exception; and Preston and I were now +widely apart in our sympathies; indeed, always had been. Mr. Thorold +and I talked to each other on a level; we understood each other and +suited each other. I could let out my thoughts to him with a freedom I +never could use with anybody else. + +It grieved me a little that I had been forced to come away so abruptly +that I had no chance of letting him know. Courtesy, I thought, +demanded of me that I should have done this; and I could not do it; +and this was a constant subject of regret to me. + +At the end of our journey I came back to school. Letters from my +father and mother desired that I would do so, and appointed that I was +to join them abroad next year. My mother had decided that it was best +not to interfere with the regular course of my education; and my +father renewed his promise that I should have any reward I chose to +claim, to comfort me for the delay. So I bent myself to study with new +energies and new hope. + +I studied more things than school books that winter. The bits of +political matter I had heard talked over at West Point were by no +means forgotten; and once in a while, when I had time and a chance, I +seized one of the papers from Mme. Ricard's library table and examined +it. And every time I did so, something urged me to do it again. I was +very ignorant. I had no clue to a great deal that was talked of in +these prints: but I could perceive the low threatening growl of coming +ill weather, which seemed to rise on the ear every time I listened. +And a little anxiety began to grow up in my mind. Mme. Ricard, of +course, never spoke on these subjects, and probably did not care about +them. Dr. Sandford was safe in Washington. I once asked Miss Cardigan +what she thought. "There are evil men abroad, dear," she said. "I +don't know what they will be permitted to do." + +"Who do you hope will be elected?" I asked. + +"I don't vote myself," said Miss Cardigan; "so I do not fash myself +much with what I can't help; but I hope the man will be elected that +will do the right thing." + +"And who is that?" I asked. "You do not want slavery to be allowed in +the territories?" + +"I? Not I!" said Miss Cardigan. "And if the people want to keep it out +of them, I suppose they will elect Abraham Lincoln. I don't know if he +is the right man or no; but he is on the right side. 'Break every +yoke, and let the oppressed go free.' That is my maxim, Daisy." + +I pondered this matter by turns more and more. By and by there began +to be audible mutterings of a storm in the air around me. The first I +heard was when we were all together in the evening with our work, the +half hour before tea. + +"Lincoln is elected," whispered one of the girls to another. + +"Who cares?" the other said aloud. + +"What if he is?" asked a third. + +"Then," said a gentle, graceful-looking girl, spreading her embroidery +out on her lap with her slim white fingers--"_then_ there'll be +fighting." + +It was given, this announcement, with the coolest matter-of-fact +assurance. + +"Who is going to fight?" was the next question. + +The former speaker gave a glance up to see if her audience was safe, +and then replied, as coolly as before,-- + +"My brother, for one." + +"What for, Sally?" + +"Do you think we are going to have these vulgar Northerners rule over +_us_? My cousin Marshall is coming back from Europe on purpose that he +may be here and be ready. I know my aunt wrote him word that she would +disinherit him if he did not." + +"Daisy Randolph--you are a Southerner," said one of the girls. + +"Of course, she is a Southerner," said Sally, going on with her +embroidery. "She is safe." + +But if I was safe, I was very uncomfortable. I hardly knew why I was +so uncomfortable. Only, I wished ardently that troubles might not +break out between the two quarters of the country. I had a sense that +the storm would come near home. I could not recollect my mother and my +father, without a dread that there would be opposing electricities +between them and me. + +I began to study the daily news more constantly and carefully. I had +still the liberty of Madame's library, and the papers were always +there. I could give to them only a few minutes now and then; but I +felt that the growl of the storm was coming nearer and growing more +threatening. Extracts from Southern papers seemed to my mind very +violent and very wrong-headed; at the same time, I knew that my mother +would endorse and Preston echo them. Then South Carolina passed the +ordinance of secession. Six days after, Major Anderson took possession +of Fort Sumter in Charleston Harbour, and immediately the fort he had +left and Castle Pinckney were garrisoned by the South Carolinians in +opposition. I could not tell how much all this signified; but my heart +began to give a premonitory beat sometimes. Mississippi followed South +Carolina; then United States' forts and arsenals were seized in North +Carolina and Georgia and Alabama, one after the other. The tone of the +press was very threatening, at least of the Southern press. And not +less significant, to my ear, was the whisper I occasionally heard +among a portion of our own little community. A secret whisper, intense +in its sympathy with the seceding half of the nation, contemptuously +hostile to the other part, among whom they were at that very moment +receiving Northern education and Northern kindness. The girls even +listened and gathered scraps of conversation that passed in their +hearing, to retail them in letters sent home; "they did not know," +they said, "what might be of use." Later, some of these letters were +intercepted by the General Government, and sent back from Washington +to Madame Ricard. All this told me much of the depth and breadth of +feeling among the community of which these girls formed a part; and my +knowledge of my father and mother, Aunt Gary and Preston, and others, +told me more. I began to pray that God would not let war come upon the +land. + +Then there was a day, in January, I think, when a bit of public news +was read out in presence of the whole family; a thing that rarely +happened. It was evening, and we were all in the parlour with our +work. I forget who was the reader, but I remember the words: "'The +steamer, _Star of the West_ with two hundred and fifty United States +troops on board for Fort Sumter, was fired into' (I forget the day) +'by the batteries near Charleston.' Young ladies, do you hear that? +The steamer was fired into. That is the beginning." + +We looked at each other, we girls; startled, sorry, awed, with a +strange glance of defiance from some eyes, while some flowed over with +tears, and some were eager with a feeling that was not displeasure. +All were silent at first. Then whispers began. + +"I told you so," said Sally. + +"Well, _they_ have begun it," said Macy, who was a native of New York. + +"Of course. What business had the _Star of the West_ to be carrying +those troops there? South Carolina can take care of her own forts." + +"Daisy Randolph, you look as solemn as a preacher," said another. +"Which side are you on?" + +"She is on the right side," said another. + +"Of course," said Sally. "She is the daughter of a Southern +gentleman." + +"I am not on the side of those who fire the first shot," I said. + +"There is no other way," said Sally, coolly. "If a rat comes in your +way you must shoot him. I knew it had got to come. I have heard my +uncle talk enough about that." + +"But what will be the end of it?" said another. + +"Pooh! It will end like smoke. The Yankees do not like fighting--they +would rather be excused, if you please. Their _forte_ is quite in +another line--out of the way of powder." + +I wondered if that was true. I thought of Thorold, and of Major Blunt. +I was troubled; and when I went to see Miss Cardigan, next day, I +found she could give me little comfort. + +"I don't know, my dear," she said, "what they may be left to do. +They're just daft, down there; clean daft." + +"If they fight, we shall be obliged to fight," I said, not liking to +ask her about Northern courage; and, indeed, she was a Scotswoman, and +what should she know? + +"Aye, just that," she replied; "and fighting between the two parts of +one land is just the worst fighting there can be. Pray it may not +come, Daisy; but those people are quite daft." + +The next letters from my mother spoke of my coming out to them as soon +as the school year should be over. The country was likely to be +disturbed, she said; and it would not suit with my father's health to +come home just now. As soon as the school year should be over, and Dr. +Sandford could find a proper opportunity for me to make the journey, I +should come. + +I was very glad; yet I was not all glad. I wished they had been able +to come to me. I was not, I hardly knew why I was not quite ready to +quit America while these troubles threatened. And as days went on, and +the cloud grew blacker, my feeling of unwillingness increased. The +daily prints were full of fresh instances of the seizure of United +States property, of the secession of New States; then the Secession +Congress met, and elected Jefferson Davis and Alexander Stephens their +president and vice-president; and rebellion was duly organized. + +Jefferson Davis! How the name took me back to the summer parade on the +West Point plain, and my first view of that smooth, sinister, +ill-conditioned face. Now _he_ was heading rebellion. Where would Dr. +Sandford, and Mr. Thorold, and Preston be? How far would the rebels +carry their work? and what opposition would be made to it? Again I +asked Miss Cardigan. + +"It's beyond _me_, Daisy," she said. "I suppose it will depend very +much on whether we've got the right man to head us or no; and that +nobody can tell till we try. This man, Buchanan, that is over us at +present, he is no better than a bit of cotton-wool. I am going to take +a look at Mr. Lincoln as he comes through, and see what I think of +him." + +"When is he coming?" + +"They say to-day," said Miss Cardigan. "There'll be an uncommon crowd, +but I'll risk it." + +A great desire seized me, that I might see him too. I consulted with +Miss Cardigan. School hours were over at three; I could get away then, +I thought; and by studying the programme of the day we found it +possible that it would not be too late then for our object. So it +proved; and I have always been glad of it ever since. + +Miss Cardigan and I went forth and packed ourselves in the dense crowd +which had gathered and filled all the way by which the President-elect +was expected to pass. A quiet and orderly and most respectable crowd +it was. Few Irish, few of the miserable of society, who come out only +for a spectacle; there were the yeomanry and the middle classes, men +of business, men of character and some substance, who were waiting, +like us, to see what promise for the future there might be in the +aspect of our new chief. Waiting patiently; and we could only wait +patiently like them. I thought of Preston's indignation if he could +have seen me, and Dr. Sandford's ready negative on my being there; but +well were these thoughts put to flight when the little cavalcade for +which we were looking hove in sight and drew near. Intense curiosity +and then profound satisfaction seized me. The strong, grave, kindly +lineaments of the future Head of the Country gave me instantly a +feeling of confidence, which I never lost in all the time that +followed. That was, confidence in his honesty and goodness; but +another sort of trust was awakened by the keen, searching, shrewd +glances of those dark eyes, which seemed to penetrate the masses of +human intelligences surrounding him, and seek to know what manner of +_material_ he might find them at need. He was not thinking of himself, +that was plain; and the homely, expressive features got a place in my +heart from that time. The little cavalcade passed on from us; the +crowd melted away, and Miss Cardigan and I came slowly again up Fifth +Avenue. + +"Yon's a mon!" quoth Miss Cardigan, speaking, as she did in moments of +strong feeling, with a little reminder of her Scottish origin. + +"Didn't you like him?" I rejoined. + +"I always like a man when I see him," said my friend. "He had need be +that, too, for he has got a man's work to do." + +And it soon appeared that she spoke true. I watched every action, and +weighed every word of Mr. Lincoln now, with a strange interest. I +thought great things depended on him. I was glad when he determined to +send supplies into Fort Sumter. I was sure that he was right; but I +held my breath, as it were, to see what South Carolina would do. The +twelfth of April told us. + +"So they have done it, Daisy!" said Miss Cardigan, that evening. "They +are doing it, rather. They have been firing at each other all day." + +"Well, Major Anderson must defend his fort," I said. "That is his +duty." + +"No doubt," said Miss Cardigan; "but you look pale, Daisy, my bairn. +You are from those quarters yourself. Is there anybody in that +neighbourhood that is dear to you?" + +I had the greatest difficulty not to burst into tears, by way of +answer, and Miss Cardigan looked concerned at me. I told her there was +nobody there I cared for, except some poor coloured people who were in +no danger. + +"There'll be many a sore heart in the country if this goes on," she +said, with a sigh. + +"But it will not go on, will it?" I asked. "They cannot take Fort +Sumter; do you think so?" + +"I know little about it," said my friend, soberly. "I am no soldier. +And we never know what is best, Daisy. We must trust the Lord, my +dear, to unravel these confusions." + +And the next night the little news-boys in the streets were crying out +the "Fall of Fort Sum--ter!" It rang ominously in my heart. The +rebels had succeeded so far; and they would go on. Yes, they would go +on now, I felt assured; unless some very serious check should be given +them. Could the Yankees give that? I doubted it. Yet _their_ cause was +the cause of right, and justice, and humanity; but the right does +_not_ always at first triumph, whatever it may do in the end; and good +swords, and good shots, and the spirit of a soldier, are things that +are allowed to carry their force with them. I knew the South had +these. What had the North? + +Even in our school seclusion, we felt the breath of the tremendous +excitement which swayed the public mind next day. Not bluster, nor +even passion, but the stir of the people's heart. As we walked to +church, we could hear it in half caught words of those we passed by, +see it in the grave, intense air which characterised groups and faces; +feel it in the atmosphere, which was heavy with indignation and +gathering purpose. It was said no Sunday like that had been known in +the city. Within our own little community, if parties ran high, they +were like those outside, quiet; but when alone, the Southern girls +testified an exultation that jarred painfully upon my ears. + +"Daisy don't care." + +"Yes, I care," I said. + +"For shame not to be glad! You see, it is glorious. We have it all our +own way. The impertinence of trying to hold our forts for us!" + +"I don't see anything glorious in fighting," I said. + +"Not when you are attacked?" + +"We were not attacked," I said. "South Carolina fired the first guns." + +"Good for her!" said Sally. "Brave little South Carolina! Nobody will +meddle with her and come off without cutting his fingers." + +"Nobody did meddle with her," I asserted. "It was _she_ who meddled, +to break the laws and fight against the government." + +"What government?" said Sally. "Are we slaves, that we should be ruled +by a government we don't choose? We will have our own. Do you think +South Carolina and Virginia _gentlemen_ are going to live under a +rail-splitter for a President? and take orders from him?" + +"What do you mean by a 'rail-splitter'?" + +"I mean this Abe Lincoln the northern mudsills have picked up to make +a President of. He used to get his living by splitting rails for a +Western fence, Daisy Randolph." + +"But if he is President, he is President," I said. + +"For those that like him. _We_ won't have him. Jefferson Davis is my +President. And all I can do to help him I will. I can't fight; I wish +I could. My brother and my cousins and my uncle will, though, that's +one comfort; and what I can do I will." + +"Then I think you are a traitor," I said. + +I was hated among the Southern girls from that day. Hated with a +bitter, violent hatred, which had indeed little chance to show itself, +but was manifested in the scornful, intense avoidance of me. The +bitterness of it is surprising to me even now. I cared not very much +for it. I was too much engrossed with deeper interests of the time, +both public and private. The very next day came the President's call +for seventy-five thousand men; and the next, the answer of the +governor of Kentucky, that "Kentucky would furnish no troops for the +wicked purpose of subduing her sister Southern States." I saw this in +the paper in the library; the other girls had no access to the general +daily news, or I knew there would have been shoutings of triumph over +Governor Magoffin. Other governors of other States followed his +example. Jefferson Davis declared in a proclamation that letters of +marque and reprisal would be issued. Everything wore the aspect of +thickening strife. + +My heart grew very heavy over these signs of evil, fearing I knew not +what for those whom I cared about. Indeed, I would not stop to think +what I feared. I tried to bury my fears in my work. Letters from my +mother became very explicit now; she said that troublesome times were +coming in the country, and she would like me to be out of it. After a +little while, when the independence of the South should be assured, we +would all come home and be happy together. Meantime, as soon after the +close of the school year as Dr. Sandford could find a good chance for +me, I was to come out to them at Lausanne, where my mother thought +they would be by that time. + +So I studied with all my strength, with the double motive of gaining all +I could and of forgetting what was going on in the political world. Music +and French, my mother particularly desired that I should excel in; and I +gave many hours to my piano, as many as possible, and talked with Mlle. +Géneviève, whenever she would let me. And she was very fond of me and +fond of talking to me; it was she who kept for me my library privilege. +And my voice was good, as it had promised to be. I had the pleasure of +feeling that I was succeeding in what I most wished to attain. It was +succeeding over the heads of my schoolfellows; and that earned me wages +that were not pleasant among a portion of my companions. Faustina St. +Clair was back among us; she would perhaps have forgiven if she could +have forgotten me; but my headship had been declared ever since the time +of the bronze standish, and even rivalry had been long out of the +question. So the old feud was never healed; and now, between the +unfriendliness of her party and the defection of all the Southern girls, +I was left in a great minority of popular favour. It could not be helped. +I studied the harder. I had unlimited favour with all my teachers, and +every indulgence I asked for. + +The news of the attack in Baltimore upon the Massachusetts troops +passing through the city, and Governor Andrew's beautiful telegram, +shook me out of my pre-occupation. It shook me out of all quiet for a +day. Indignation, and fear, and sorrow rolled through my heart. The +passions that were astir among men, the mad results to which they were +leading, the possible involvement of several of those whom I loved, a +general trembling of evil in the air, made study difficult for the +moment. What signified the course and fate of nations hundreds of +years ago? Our own course and fate filled the horizon. What signified +the power or beauty of my voice, when I had not the heart to send it +up and down like a bird any longer? Where was Preston, and Dr. +Sandford, and Ransom, and what would become of Magnolia? In truth, I +did not know what had become of Ransom. I had not heard from him or of +him in a long time. But these thoughts would not do. I drove them +away. I resolved to mind my work and not read the papers, if I could +help it, and not think about politics or my friends' course in them. I +could do nothing. And in a few months I should be away, out of the +land. + +I kept my resolve pretty well. Indeed, I think nothing very particular +happened to disturb it for the next two or three weeks. I succeeded in +filling my head with work and being very happy in it. That is, +whenever I could forget more important things. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + +ENTERED FOR THE WAR. + + +One evening, I think before the end of April, I asked permission to +spend the evening at Miss Cardigan's. I had on hand a piece of study +for which I wanted to consult certain books which I knew were in her +library. Mlle. Géneviève gave me leave gladly. + +"You do study too persevering, m'amie," she said. "Go, and stop to +study for a little while. You are pale. I am afraid your doctor--ce +bon Monsieur le docteur--will scold us all by and by. Go, and do not +study." + +But I determined to have my play and my study too. + +As I passed through Miss Cardigan's hall, the parlour door, standing +half open let me see that a gentleman was with her. Not wishing to +interrupt any business that might be going on, and not caring also to +be bored with it myself, I passed by and went into the inner room +where the books were. I would study now, I thought, and take my +pleasure with my dear old friend by and by, when she was at leisure. I +had found my books, and had thrown myself down on the floor with one, +when a laugh that came from the front room laid a spell upon my powers +of study. The book fell from my hands; I sat bolt upright, every sense +resolved into that of hearing. What, and who had that been? I +listened. Another sound of a word spoken, another slight inarticulate +suggestion of laughter; and I knew with an assured knowledge that my +friend Cadet Thorold, and no other, was the gentleman in Miss +Cardigan's parlour with whom she had business. I sat up and forgot my +books. The first impulse was to go in immediately and show myself. I +can hardly tell what restrained me. I remembered that Miss Cardigan +must have business with him, and I had better not interrupt it. But +those sounds of laughter had not been very business-like, either. Nor +were they business words which came through the open door. I never +thought or knew I was listening. I only thought it was Thorold, and +held my breath to hear, or rather to feel. My ears seemed sharpened +beyond all their usual faculty. + +"And you haven't gone and fallen in love, callant, meanwhile, just to +complicate affairs?" said the voice of Miss Cardigan. + +"I shall never fall in love," said Thorold, with (I suppose) mock +gravity. His voice sounded so. + +"Why not?" + +"I require too much." + +"It's like your conceit!" said Miss Cardigan. "Now, what is it that +you require? I would like to know; that is, if you know yourself. It +appears that you have thought about it." + +"I have thought, till I have got it all by heart," said Thorold. "The +worst is, I shall never find it in this world." + +"That's likely. Come, lad, paint your picture, and I'll tell you if +_I_ know where to look," said Miss Cardigan. + +"And then you'll search for me?" + +"I dinna ken if you deserve it," said Miss Cardigan. + +"I don't deserve it, of course," said Thorold. "Well--I have painted +the likeness a good many times. The first thing is a pair of eyes as +deep and grey as our mountain lakes." + +"I never heard that your Vermont lakes were _grey_," said Miss +Cardigan. + +"Oh, but they are! when the shadow of the mountains closes them in. It +is not cold grey, but purple and brown, the shadow of light, as it +were; the lake is in shadow. Only, if a bit of blue _does_ show itself +there, it is the very heaven." + +"I hope that it is not going to be in poetry?" said Miss Cardigan's +voice, sounding dry and amused. "What is the next thing? It is a very +good picture of eyes." + +"The next thing is a mouth that makes you think of nothing but kissing +it; the lines are so sweet, and so mobile, and at the same time so +curiously subdued. A mouth that has learned to smile when things don't +go right; and that has learned the lesson so well, you cannot help +thinking it must have often known things go wrong; to get the habit so +well, you know." + +"Eh?--Why, boy!"--cried Miss Cardigan. + +"Do you know anybody like it?" said Thorold, laughing. "If you do, you +are bound to let me know where, you understand." + +"What lies between the eyes and mouth?" said Miss Cardigan. "There +goes more to a picture." + +"Between the eyes and mouth," said Thorold, "there is sense and +dignity, and delicacy, and refinement to a fastidious point; and a +world of strength of character in the little delicate chin." + +"Character--_that_ shows in the mouth," said Miss Cardigan, slowly. + +"I told you so," said Thorold. "That is what I told you. Truth, and +love, and gentleness, all sit within those little red lips; and a +great strength of will, which you cannot help thinking has borne +something to try it. The brow is like one of our snowy mountain tops +with the sun shining on it." + +"And the lady's figure is like a pine-tree, isn't it? It sounds gay, +as if you'd fallen in love with Nature, and so personified and imaged +her in human likeness. Is it real humanity?" + +Thorold laughed his gay laugh. "The pine-tree will do excellently, +Aunt Catherine," he said. "No better embodiment of stately grace could +be found." + +My ears tingled. "Aunt Catherine?" _Aunt!_ Then Thorold must be her +relation, her nephew; then he was not come on business; then he would +stay to tea. I might as well show myself. But, I thought, if Thorold +had some other lady so much in his mind (for I was sure his picture +must be in a portrait), he would not care so very much about seeing +me, as I had at first fancied he would. However, I could not go away; +so I might as well go in; it would not do to wait longer. The evening +had quite fallen now. It was April, as I said, but a cold, raw spring +day, and had been like that for several days. Houses were chill; and +in Miss Cardigan's grate a fine fire of Kennal coals were blazing, +making its red illumination all over the room and the two figures who +sat in front of it. She had had a grate put in this winter. There was +no other light, only that soft red glow and gloom, under favour of +which I went in and stood almost beside them before they perceived me. +I did not speak to Miss Cardigan. I remember my words were, "How do +you do, Mr. Thorold?"--in a very quiet kind of a voice; for I did not +now expect him to be very glad. But I was surprised at the change my +words made. He sprang up, his eyes flashing a sort of shower of sparks +over me, gladness in every line of his face, and surprise, and a kind +of inexpressible deference in his manner. + +"Daisy!" he exclaimed. "Miss Randolph!" + +"Daisy!" echoed Miss Cardigan. "My dear--do you two know each other? +Where did you come from?" + +I think I did not answer. I am sure Thorold did not. He was caring for +me, placing his chair nearer his aunt, and putting me into it, before +he let go the hand he had taken. Then, drawing up another chair on the +other side of me, he sat down, looking at me (I thought afterwards, I +only felt at the moment), as if I had been some precious wonder; the +Koh-i-noor diamond, or anything of that sort. + +"Where did you come from?" was his first question. + +"I have been in the house a little while," I said. "I thought at first +Miss Cardigan had somebody with her on business, so I would not come +in." + +"It is quite true, Daisy," said Miss Cardigan; "it is somebody on +business." + +"Nothing private about it, though," said Thorold, smiling at me. "But +where in the world did you and Aunt Catherine come together?" + +"And what call have ye to search into it?" said Miss Cardigan's +good-humoured voice. "I know a great many bodies, callant, that you +know not." + +"I know this one, though," said Thorold. "Miss Randolph--won't you +speak? for Aunt Catherine is in no mood to tell me--have you two known +each other long?" + +"It seems long," I said. "It is not very long." + +"Since last summer?" + +"Certainly!" + +"If that's the date of _your_ acquaintanceship," said Miss Cardigan, +"we're auld friends to that. Is all well, Daisy?" + +"All quite well, ma'am. I came to do a bit of study I wanted in your +books, and to have a nice time with you, besides." + +"And here is this fellow in the way. But we cannot turn him out, +Daisy; he is going fast enough; on what errand, do you think, is he +bent?" + +_I_ had not thought about it till that minute. Something, some thread +of the serious, in Miss Cardigan's voice, made me look suddenly at +Thorold. He had turned his eyes from me and had bent them upon the +fire, all merriment gone out of his face, too. It was thoroughly +grave. + +"What are you going to do, Mr. Thorold?" I asked. + +"Do you remember a talk we had down on Flirtation Walk one day last +summer, when you asked me about possible political movements at the +South, and I asked you what you would do?" + +"Yes," I said, my heart sinking. + +"The time has come," he said, facing round upon me. + +"And you--?" + +"I shall be on my way to Washington in a few days. Men are wanted +now--all the men that have any knowledge to be useful. I may not be +very useful. But I am going to try." + +"I thought"--it was not quite easy to speak, for I was struggling with +something which threatened to roughen my voice--"I thought you did not +graduate till June?" + +"Not regularly; not usually; but things are extraordinary this year. +We graduate and go on to Washington at once." + +I believe we were all silent a few minutes. + +"Daisy," said Miss Cardigan, "you have nobody that is dear to _you_ +likely to be engaged in the fray--if there is one?" + +"I don't know--" I said, rather faintly. I remember I said it; I +cannot tell why, for I _did_ know. I knew that Preston and Ransom were +both likely to be in the struggle, even if Ransom had been at the +moment at the opposite side of the world. But then Thorold roused up +and began to talk. He talked to divert us, I think. He told us of +things that concerned himself and his class personally, giving details +to which we listened eagerly; and he went on from them to things and +people in the public line, of which and of whom neither Miss Cardigan +nor I had known the thousandth part so much before. We sat and +listened, Miss Cardigan often putting in a question, while the warm +still glow of the firelight shed over us and all the room its +assurance of peace and quiet, woven and compounded of life-long +associations. Thorold sat before us and talked, and we looked at him +and listened in the fire-shine; and my thoughts made swift sideway +flights every now and then from this peace and glow of comfort, and +from Thorold's talk, to the changes of the camp and the possible +coming strife; spectres of war, guns and swords, exposure and +wounds--and sickness--and the battlefield--what could I tell? and Miss +Cardigan's servant put another lump of coal on the fire, and Thorold +presently broke it, and the jet of illumination sprang forth, mocking +and yet revealing in its sweet home glow my visions of terror. They +were but momentary visions; I could not bear, of course, to look +steadily at them; they were spectres that came and went with a wave of +a hand, in a jet of flame, or the shadow of an opening door; but they +went and came; and I saw many things in Thorold's face that night +besides the manly lines of determination and spirit, the look of +thought and power, and the hover of light in his eye when it turned to +me. I don't know what Miss Cardigan saw; but several times in the +evening I heard her sigh; a thing very unusual and notable with her. +Again and again I heard it, a soft long breath. + +I gave it no heed at the time. My eyes and thoughts were fixed on the +other member of the party; and I was like one in a dream. I walked in +a dream; till we went into the other room to tea, and I heard Miss +Cardigan say, addressing her nephew-- + +"Sit there, Christian." + +I was like one in a dream, or I should have known what this meant. I +did know two minutes afterwards. But at the moment, falling in with +some of my thoughts, the word made me start and look at Thorold. I +cannot tell what was in my look; I know what was in my heart; the +surprised inquiry and the yearning wish. Thorold's face flushed. He +met my eyes with an intense recognition and inquiry in his own, and +then, I am almost sure, his were dim. He set my chair for me at the +table, and took hold of me and put me in it with a very gentle touch +that seemed to thank me. + +"That is my name, Miss Randolph," he said, "the name given me by my +parents." + +"You'll earn it yet, boy," said Miss Cardigan. "But the sooner the +better." + +There was after that a very deep gravity upon us all for the first +minutes at the table. I wondered to myself, how people can go on drinking +tea and eating bread and butter through everything; yet they must, and +even I was doing it at the moment, and not willing to forego the +occupation. By degrees the wonted course of things relieved our minds, +which were upon too high a strain. It appeared that Thorold was very +hungry, having missed his dinner somehow; and his aunt ordered up +everything in the house for his comfort, in which I suppose she found her +own. And then Thorold made me eat with him. I was sure I did not want it, +but that made no difference. Things were prepared for me and put upon my +plate, and a soft little command laid on me to do with them what I was +expected to do. It was not like the way Dr. Sandford used to order me, +nor in the least like Preston's imperiousness, which I could withstand +well enough; there was something in it which nullified all my power and +even will to resist, and I was as submissive as possible. Thorold grew +very bright again as the meal went on, and began to talk in a somewhat +livelier strain than he had been in before tea; and I believe he did wile +both his aunt and me out of the sad or grave thoughts we had been +indulging. I know that I was obliged to laugh, as I was obliged to eat. +Thorold had his own way, and seemed to like it. Even his aunt was amused +and interested, and grew lively, like herself. With all that, through the +whole supper-time I had an odd feeling of her being on one side; it +seemed to be only Thorold and I really there; and in all Thorold was +doing and through all he was talking, I had a curious sense that he was +occupied only with me. It was not that he said so much directly to me or +looked so much at me; I do not know how I got the feeling. There was Miss +Cardigan at the head of the table busy and talking as usual, clever and +kind; yet the air seemed to be breathed only by Thorold and me. + +"And how soon, lad," Miss Cardigan broke out suddenly, when a moment's +lull in the talk had given her a chance, "how soon will ye be off to +that region of disturbance whither ye are going?" + +"Washington?" said Thorold. "Just as soon as our examination can be +pushed through; in a very few days now." + +"You'll come to me by the way, for another look at you, in your +officer's uniform?" + +"Uniform? nobody will have any uniform, I fancy," said Thorold; +"nobody has any time to think of that. No, Aunt Catherine, and I shall +not see you, either. I expect we shall rush through without the loss +of a train. I can't stop. I don't care what clothes I wear to get +there." + +"How came you to be here now, if you are in such a hurry?" + +"Nothing on earth would have brought me, but the thing that did bring +me," said Thorold. "I was subpoenaed down, to give my evidence in a +trial. I must get back again without loss of a minute; should have +gone to-night, if there had been a train that stopped. I am very glad +there was no train that stopped!" + +We were all silent for a minute; till the door-bell rang, and the +servant came, announcing Mr. Bunsen, to see Miss Cardigan about the +tenant houses. Miss Cardigan went off through the open doors that led +to the front parlour; and standing by the fire, I watched her figure +diminishing in the long distance till it passed into Mr. Bunsen's +presence and disappeared. Mr. Thorold and I stood silently on either +side of the hearth, looking into the fire, while the servant was +clearing the table. The cheerful, hospitable little table, round which +we had been so cheerful at least for the moment, was dismantled +already, and the wonted cold gleam of the mahogany seemed to tell me +that cheer was all over. The talk of the uniform had overset me. All +sorts of visions of what it signified, what it portended, where it +would go, what it would be doing, were knocking at the door of my +heart, and putting their heads in. Before tea these visions had come +and vanished; often enough, to be sure; now they came and stayed. I +was very quiet, I am certain of that; I was as certainly very sober, +with a great and growing sadness at my heart. I think Thorold was +grave, too, though I hardly looked at him. We did not speak to each +other all the time the servant was busy in the room. We stood silent +before the fire. The study I had come to do had all passed away out of +my mind, though the books were within three feet of me. I was growing +sadder and sadder every minute. + +"Things have changed, since we talked so lightly last summer of what +might be," Thorold said at last. And he said it in a meditative way, +as if he were pondering something. + +"Yes," I assented. + +"The North does not wish for war. The South have brought it upon +themselves." + +"Yes," I said again, wondering a little what was coming. + +"However disagreeable my duty may be, it is my duty; and there is no +shirking it." + +"No," I said. "Of course." + +"And if your friends are on one side and I on the other,--it is not my +fault, Miss Randolph." + +"No," I said; "not at all." + +"Then you do not blame me for taking the part I _must_ take?" + +"No," I said. "You must take it." + +"Are you sorry I take it?" said Thorold with a change of tone, and +coming a step nearer. + +"Sorry?" I said, and I looked up for an instant. "No; how could I be +sorry? it is your duty. It is right." But as I looked down again I had +the greatest difficulty not to burst into tears. I felt as though my +heart would break in two with its burden of pain. It cost a great +effort to stand still and quiet, without showing anything. + +"What is it, then?" said Thorold; and with the next words I knew he +had come close to my side and was stooping his head down to my face, +while his voice dropped. "What is it, Daisy?--Is it--O Daisy, I love +you better than anything else in the world, except my duty! Daisy, do +you love me?" + +Nothing could have been more impossible to me, I think, than to answer +a word; but, indeed, Thorold did not seem to want it. As he questioned +me, he had put his arm round me and drawn me nearer and nearer, +stooping his face to me, till his lips took their own answer at mine; +indeed, took answer after answer, and then, in a sort of passion of +mute joy, kissed my face all over. I could not forbid him; between +excitement and sorrow and happiness and shame, I could do nothing. The +best I could do was to hide my face; but the breast of that grey coat +was a strange hiding-place for it. With that inconsistent mingling of +small things with great in one's perceptions, which everybody knows, I +remember the soft feel of the fine grey cloth along with the clasp of +Thorold's arms and the touch of his cheek resting upon my hair. And we +stood so, quite still, for what seemed both a long and a short time, +in which I think happiness got the upper hand with me, and pain for +the moment was bid into the background. At last Thorold raised his +head and bade me lift up mine. + +"Look up, darling," he said; "look up, Daisy! let me see your face. +Look up, Daisy--we have only a minute, and everything in the world to +say to each other. Daisy--I want to see you." + +I think it was one of the most difficult little things I ever had in +my life to do, to raise my face and let him look at it; but I knew it +must be done, and I did it. One glance at his I ventured. He was +smiling at me; there was a flush upon his cheek; his eye had a light +in it, and with that a glow of tenderness which was different from +anything I had ever seen; and it was glittering, too, I think, with +another sort of suffusion. His hand came smoothing down my hair and +then touching my cheek while he looked at me. + +"What are you going to do with yourself now?" he said softly. + +"I am going on with my studies for another month or two." + +"And you belong to me, Daisy?" + +"Yes." + +He bent his head and kissed my brow. There is an odd difference of +effect between a kiss on the lips and on the forehead, or else it was +a difference in the manner. This seemed a sort of taking possession or +setting a seal; and it gave me a new feeling of something almost like +awe, which I had never associated with the grey coat or with its +wearer before. Along with that came another impression that I suppose +most women know, and know how sweet it is; the sense of an enveloping +protection. Not that I had not been protected all my life; but my +mother's had been the protection of authority; my father's also, in +some measure; Dr. Sandford's was emphatically that of a _guardian_; he +guarded me a little too well. But this new thing that was stealing +into my heart, with its subtle delight, was the protection of a +champion; of one who set me and mine above all other interests or +claims in the world, and who would guard me as if he were a part of +myself, only stronger. Altogether Thorold seemed to me different from +what he had been the last summer; there was a gravity now in his face +and air at times that was new and even stern; the gravity of a man +taking stern life work upon him. I felt all this in a minute, while +Thorold was smiling down into my face. + +"And you will write to me?" he said. + +"Yes." + +"And I will write to you. And I belong to you, Daisy, and to no other. +All I have is yours, and all that I am is yours--after my duty; you +may dispose of me, pretty one, just as you like. _You_ would not have +that put second, Daisy." + +A great yearning came over me, so great and strong that it almost took +away my breath. I fancy it spoke in my eyes, for Thorold's face grew +very grave, I remember, as he looked at me. But I must speak it more +plainly than so, at any costs, breath or no breath, and I must not +wait. + +"Christian," I whispered, "won't you earn your right to your name?" + +He pressed his lips upon mine by way of answer first, and then gave me +a quick and firm "Yes." I certainly thought he had found a mouth he +was talking of a little while ago. But at that instant the sound of +the distant house door closing, and then of steps coming out from the +parlour, made me know that Miss Cardigan's business was over, and that +she was returning to us. I wanted to free myself from Thorold's arm, +but he would not let me; on the contrary, held me closer, and half +turned to meet Miss Cardigan as she came in. Certainly men are very +different from women. There we stood, awaiting her; and I felt very +much ashamed. + +"Come on, Aunt Catherine," Thorold said, as she paused at the +door,--"come in, come in, and kiss her--this little darling is mine." + +Miss Cardigan came in slowly. I could not look up. + +"Kiss her, Aunt Catherine," he repeated; "she is mine." + +And to my great dismay he set her the example; but I think it was +partly to reassure me, and cover my confusion, which he saw. + +"I have kissed Daisy very often before now," said Miss Cardigan. I +thought I discerned some concern in her voice. + +"Then come, do it again," said Thorold, laughing. "You never kissed +her as anything belonging to me, Aunt Catherine." + +And he fairly laid me in Miss Cardigan's arms, till we kissed each +other as he desired. But Miss Cardigan's gravity roused me out of my +confusion. I was not ashamed before her; only before him. + +"Now, Aunt Catherine," he said, pulling up a comfortable arm chair to +the corner of the hearth, "sit there. And Daisy--come here!" + +He put me into the fellow chair; and then built up the wood in the +fireplace till we had a regular illumination. Then drew himself up +before the fire, and looked at his aunt. + +"It's like you!" broke out Miss Cardigan. "Ever since you were born, I +think, you did what you liked, and had what you liked; and threw over +everything to get at the best." + +"On the contrary," said Thorold, "I was always of a very contented +disposition." + +"Contented with your own will, then," said his aunt. "And now, do you +mean to tell me that you have got this prize--this prize--it's a first +class, Christian--for good and for certain to yourself?" + +I lifted my eyes one instant, to see the sparkles in Thorold's eyes; +they were worth seeing. + +"You don't think you deserve it?" Miss Cardigan went on. + +"I do not think I deserve it," said Thorold. "But I think I will." + +"I know what that means," said his aunt. "You will get worldly +glory--just a bit or two more of gold on your coat--to match you with +one of the Lord's jewels, that are to be 'all glorious within'; and +you think that will fit you to own her." + +"Aunt Catherine," said Thorold, "I do not precisely think that gold +lace is glory. But I mean that I will do my duty. A man can do no +more." + +"Some would have said 'a man can do no less,'" said Miss Cardigan, +turning to me. "But you are right, lad; more than our duty we can none +of us do; where _all_ is owing, less will not be overpay. But whatever +do you think her father will say to you?" + +"I will ask him when the time comes," said Thorold, contentedly. His +tone was perfect, both modest and manly. Truth to say, I could not +quite share his content in looking forward to the time he spoke of; +but that was far ahead, and it was impossible not to share his +confidence. My father and my mother had been practically not my +guardians during six and a half long years; I had got out of the habit +of looking first to them. + +"And what are you going to do now in Washington?" said his aunt. "You +may as well sit down and tell us." + +"I don't know. Probably I shall be put to drill new recruits. All +these seventy-five thousand men that the President has called for, +won't know how to handle a gun or do anything else." + +"And what is he going to do with these seventy-five thousand men, +Christian?" + +"Put down treason, if he can. Don't you realize yet that we have a +civil war on our hands, Aunt Catherine? The Southern States are +mustering and sending their forces; we must meet them, or give up the +whole question; that is, give up the country." + +"And what is it that _they_ will try to do?" said Miss Cardigan. "It +is a mystery to me what they want; but I suppose I know; only bad men +are a mystery to me always." + +"They will try to defy the laws," said Thorold. "We will try to see +them executed." + +"They seem very fierce," said Miss Cardigan; "to judge by what they +say." + +"And do," added Thorold. "I think there is a sort of madness in +Southern blood." + +He spoke with a manner of disgustful emphasis. I looked up at him to +see an expression quite in keeping with his words. Miss Cardigan cried +out-- + +"Hey, lad! ye're confident, surely, to venture your opinions so +plainly and so soon!" + +His face changed, as if sunlight had been suddenly poured over it. He +came kneeling on one knee before me, taking my hand and kissing it, +and laughing. + +"And I see ye're not confident without reason!" added Miss Cardigan. +"Daisy'll just let ye say your mind, and no punish you for it." + +"But it is _true_, Miss Cardigan," I said, turning to her. I wished I +had held my tongue the next minute, for the words were taken off my +lips, as it were. It is something quite different from eating your own +words, which I have heard of as not being pleasant; mine seemed to be +devoured by somebody else. + +"But is it true they are coming to attack Washington?" Miss Cardigan +went on, when we had all done laughing. "I read it in the prints; and +it seems to me I read every other thing there." + +"I am afraid you read too many prints," said Thorold. "You are +thinking of 'hear both sides,' Aunt Catherine? You must know there is +but one side to this matter. There never are two sides to treason." + +"That's true," said Miss Cardigan. "But about Washington, lad? I saw +an extract from a letter written from that city, by a lady, and she +said the place was in a terror; she said the President sleeps with a +hundred men, armed, in the east room, to protect him from the Southern +army; and keeps a sentinel before his bedroom door; and often goes +clean out of the White House and sleeps somewhere else, in his fear." + +I had never seen Thorold laugh as he did then. And he asked his aunt +"where she had seen that extract?" + +"It was in one of the papers--it was in an extract itself, I'm +thinking." + +"From a Southern paper," said Thorold. + +"Well, I believe it was." + +"I have seen extracts, too," said Thorold. "They say, Alexander H. +Stephens is counselling the rebels to lay hold on Washington." + +"Well, sit down and tell us what you do know, and how to understand +things," said Miss Cardigan. "I don't talk to anybody, much, about +politics." + +So Thorold did as he was asked. He sat down on the other side of me, +and with my hand in his, talked to us both. We went over the whole +ground of the few months past, of the work then doing and preparing, +of what might reasonably be looked for in both the South and the +North. He said he was not very wise in the matter; but he was +infinitely more informed than we; and we listened as to the most +absorbing of all tales, till the night was far worn. A sense of the +gravity and importance of the crisis; a consciousness that we were +embarked in a contest of the most stubborn character, the end of which +no man might foretell, pressed itself more and more on my mind as the +night and the talk grew deeper. If I may judge from the changes in +Miss Cardigan's face, it was the same with her. The conclusion was, +the North was gathering and concentrating all her forces to meet the +trial that was coming; and the young officers of the graduating class +at the Military Academy had been ordered to the seat of war a little +before their time of study was out, their help being urgently needed. + +"And where is Preston?" said I, speaking for the first time in a long +while. + +"Preston?" echoed Thorold. + +"My Cousin Preston--Gary; your classmate Gary." + +"Gary! Oh, he is going to Washington, like the rest of us." + +"Which side will he take?" + +"You should know, perhaps, better than I," said Thorold. "He always +_has_ taken the Southern side, and very exclusively." + +"_Has_ taken?" said I. "Do you mean that among the cadets there has +been a South and a North--until now, lately?" + +"Aye, Daisy, always, since I have been in the Academy. The Southern +clique and the Northern clique have been well defined; there is always +an assumption of superiority on the one side, and some resenting of it +on the other side. It was on that ground Gary and I split." + +"Split!" I repeated. + +But Thorold laughed and kissed me, and would give me no satisfaction. +I began to put things together, though. I saw from Christian's eyes +that _he_ had nothing to be ashamed of, in looking back; I remembered +Preston's virulence, and his sudden flush when somebody had repeated +the word "coward," which he had applied to Thorold. I felt certain +that more had been between them than mere words, and that Preston +found the recollection not flattering, whatever it was; and having +come to this settlement of the matter, I looked up at Thorold. + +"My gentle little Daisy!" he said. "I will never quarrel with him +again--if I can help it." + +"You _must_ quarrel with him, if he is on the wrong side," I answered. +"And so must I." + +"You say you must go immediately back to West Point," said Miss +Cardigan. "Leave thanking Daisy's hand, and tell me _when_ you are +going; for the night is far past, children." + +"I am gone when I bid you good-night," said Thorold. "I must set out +with the dawn--to catch the train I must take." + +"With the dawn!--_this_ morning!" cried Miss Cardigan. + +"Certainly. I should be there this minute, if the colonel had not +given me something to do here that kept me." + +"And when will ye do it?" + +"Do it! It is done," said Thorold; "before I came here. But I must +catch the first train in the morning." + +"And you'll want some breakfast before that," she said, rising. + +"No, I shall not," said Thorold, catching hold of her. "I want +nothing. I _did_ want my supper. Sit down, Aunt Catherine, and be +quiet. I want nothing, I tell you, but more time." + +"We may as well sit up the rest of the night," I said; "it is so far +gone now." + +"Yes, and what will you be good for to-morrow?" said Miss Cardigan. +"You must lie down and take a bit of rest." + +I felt no weariness; but I remember the grave, tender examination of +Thorold's eyes, which seemed to touch me with their love, to find out +whether I--and himself--might be indulged or not. It was a bit of the +thoughtful, watchful affection which always surrounded me when he was +near. I never had it just so from anybody else. + +"It won't do, Daisy," said he gaily. "You would not have me go in +company with self-reproaches all day to-morrow? You must lie down here +on the sofa; and, sleep or not, we'll all be still for two hours. Aunt +Catherine will thank me to stop talking for that length of time." + +I was not sleepy, but Miss Cardigan and Thorold would not be resisted. +Thorold wheeled up the sofa, piled the cushions, and made me lie down, +with the understanding that nobody should speak for the time he had +specified. Miss Cardigan, on her part, soon lost herself in her easy +chair. Thorold walked perseveringly up and down the room. I closed my +eyes and opened my eyes, and lay still and thought. It is all before +me now. The firelight fading and brightening: Thorold took care of the +fire; the gleam of the gaslight on the rows of books; Miss Cardigan's +comfortable figure gone to sleep in the corner of her chair; and the +figure which ever and anon came between me and the fire, piling or +arranging the logs of wood, and then paced up and down just behind me. +There was no sleep for my eyes, of course. How should there be? I +seemed to pass all my life in review, and as I took the bearings of my +present position I became calm. + +I rose up the moment the two hours were over, for I could bear the +silence no longer, nor the losing any more time. Thorold stopped his +walk then, and we had along talk over the fire by ourselves, while +Miss Cardigan slept on. Trust her, though, for waking up when there +was anything to be done. Long before dawn she roused herself and went +to call her servants and order our breakfast. + +"What are you going to do now, Daisy?" said Thorold, turning to me +with a weight of earnestness in his eyes, and a flash of that keen +inspection which they sometimes gave me. + +"You know," I said, "I am going to study as hard as I can for a month +or two more,--till my school closes." + +"What then, Daisy? Perhaps you will find some way to come on and see +me at Washington--if the rebels don't take it first?" + +It must be told. + +"No--I cannot.--My father and mother wish me to go out to them as soon +as I get a chance." + +"Where?" + +"In Switzerland." + +"Switzerland! To stay how long?" + +"I don't know--till the war is over, I suppose. I do not think they +would come back before." + +"I shall come and fetch you then, Daisy." + +But it seemed a long way off. And how much might be between. We were +both silent. + +"That is heavy for me," said Thorold at last. "Little Daisy, you do +not know how heavy!" + +He was caressing my hair, smoothing and stroking it as he spoke. I +looked up and his eyes flashed fire instantly. + +"Say that in words!" he exclaimed, taking me in his arms. "Say it, +Daisy! say it. It will be worth so much to me." + +But my lips had hardly a chance to speak. + +"Say what?" + +"Daisy, you _have_ said it. Put it in words, that is all." + +But his eyes were so full of flashing triumph that I thought he had +got enough for the time. + +"Daisy, those eyes of yours are like mountain lakes, deep and still. +But when I look quite down to the bottom of them--sometimes I see +something--I thought I did then." + +"What?" I asked, very much amused. + +"I see it there now, Daisy!" + +I was afraid he did, for _his_ eyes were like sunbeams, and I thought +they went through everything at that minute. I don't know what moved me, +the consciousness of this inspection or the consciousness of what it +discovered; but I know that floods of shyness seemed to flush my face and +brow, and even to the tips of my fingers. I would have escaped if I +could, but I could not; and I think Thorold rather liked what he saw. +There was no hiding it, unless I hid it on his shoulder, and that I was +ashamed to do. I felt that his lips knew just as well as his eyes what +state my cheeks were in, and took their own advantage. Though presently +their tenderness soothed me too, and even nullified the soft little laugh +with which he whispered, "Are you ashamed to show it to _me_, Daisy?" + +"You know," said I, still keeping my eyes veiled, "you have me at +advantage. If you were not going--away--so soon, I would not do a +great many things." + +"Daisy!" said he, laughing--"Daisy!"--And he touched my cheek as one +who meant to keep his advantage. Then his voice changed, and he +repeated, with a deeper and deepening tone with each word--"Daisy! my +Daisy!" + +I had very nearly burst out into great sobs upon his breast, with the +meeting of opposite tides of feeling. Sweet and bitter struggled for +the upper hand; struggled, while I was afraid he would feel the +laboured breath which went and came, straining me. And the sweetness, +for the moment, got the better. I knew he must go, in an hour or +little more, away from me. I knew it was for uncertain and maybe +dangerous duty. I knew it might at best be long before we could see +each other again; and back of all, the thought of my father and mother +was not reassuring. But his arms were round me and my head was on his +shoulder; and that was but the outward symbol of the inward love and +confidence which filled all my heart with its satisfying content. For +the moment happiness was uppermost. Not all the clouds on the horizon +could dim the brightness of that one sun ray which reached me. + +I do not know what Thorold thought, but he was as still for a while as +I was. + +"Daisy," he said at last, "my Daisy, you need not grudge any of your +goodness to me. Don't you know, you are to be my light and my +watchword in what lies before me?" + +"Oh no!" I said, lifting my head; "Oh no, Christian!" + +"Why no?" said he. + +"I want you to have a better watchword and follow a better light. Not +me. O Christian, won't you?" + +"What shall my watchword be?" said he, looking into my eyes. But I was +intent on something else then. I answered, "Whatsoever ye do, do all +in the name of the Lord Jesus." + +"A soldier, Daisy?" + +"A soldier more than anybody," I said; "for He calls us to be +soldiers, and you know what it means." + +"But you forget," said he, not taking his eyes from my face--"in my +service I must obey as well as command: I am not my own master +exactly." + +"Let Christ be your Master," I said. + +"How then with this other service?" + +"Why it is very plain," I said. "Command in the love of God and obey +in the fear of God; that covers all." + +I did not see the natural sequence of what followed; for it was a +succession of kisses that left no chance for a word to get out of my +mouth. Then Thorold rose up, and I saw Miss Cardigan enter. + +"I will not forget, Daisy," he said, in a tone as if we had been +talking of business. I thought, neither should I. And then came Miss +Cardigan, and the servant behind her bringing coffee and bread and +eggs and marmalade--I don't know what beside--and we sat down again to +the table, knowing that the next move would be a move apart. But the +wave of happiness was at the flood with me, and it bore me over all +the underlying roughness of the shore--for the time. I do not think +anybody wanted to eat much; we played with cups of coffee and with +each other, and dallied with the minutes till the last one was spent. + +And then came the parting. That was short. + + +THE END. + + + + +Transcriber's Notes + + +The following items were considered to be typographical errors and +have been changed. Other typographic, spelling, punctuation errors and +parochial speech has been left as they appear in the book. + +Page 17--Changed period into comma after the word "too" in the +sentence--"But I think it is nice to know things too," said I. + +Page 37--Corrected "awkward" from "awkard" in the sentence--They were +giggling and grinning, hopping on one foot, and going into other +awkward antics; not the less that most of them had their arms filled +with little black babies. + +Page 40--Changed question mark to period and deleted quotation mark in +the sentence--I asked what they all were." + +Page 51--Changed single quote to double quote after "light" in the +sentence--"They must be very dark if they could not understand light," +said my governess. + +Page 56--Removed superfluous "n" from governess in--Then I remembered +that my governess probably did care for some fruit + +Page 87--Corrected "string" to read "sting" in the sentence--It has a +sting of its own, for which there is neither salve nor remedy; and it +had the aggravation, in my case, of the sense of personal dishonour. + +Page 91--Added apostrophe to "girls" in the sentence--I have a +recollection of the girl's terrified face, but I heard nothing more. + +Page 93--removed " from the start of the sentence--They had been gone +half an hour, when Preston stole in and came to the side of my bed, +between me and the firelight. + +Page 97--Added " after Melbourne in the sentence--"We shall have to +let her do just as they did at Melbourne," said my aunt. + +Page 110--Added " after the word "by" in the sentence--"Mass' Preston +come last night," she went on; "so I reckon Miss Daisy'll want to wear +it by and by." + +Page 163--Changed period to ? in the sentence--"Will that distress you +very much?" + +Page 178--Changed Mr. to Dr. in the sentence--"But, Dr. +Sandford," I said, "nobody can belong to anybody--in that way." + +Page 193--Changed 'be' to 'he' in the sentence starting--I believe I +half wished be would make some objection; + +Page 206--Added "le" to "aves" to make "leaves" in--"You wouldn't say +so, if you knew the work it is to set those leaves round," said the +mantua-maker. + +Page 240--Changed "for" into "far" in--but I am afraid the rule of the +Good Samaritan would put us far apart. + +Page 249--Changed exclamation mark to question mark in--"Is there so +much trouble everywhere in the world?" + +Page 250--Changed "I" to "It" in--It was a good photograph, and had +beauty enough besides to hold my eyes. + +Page 257--Capitalised "W" in--Is it Daisy Randolph? What have you done +to yourself? + +Page 266--changed beside to bedside in--I heard no sound while I was +undressing, nor while I knelt, as usual now, by my bedside. + +Page 283--Changed rapidily to rapidly in--I watched him rapidly +walking into the library; + +Page 285--Added question mark instead of period to--"Are you tired?" + +Page 316--Changed inmediately to immediately in--and placed himself +immediately beside his summoner, + +Page 349--Changed "not" to "nor" in--"I cannot help that. He is +neither gentlemanly in his habits nor true in his speech." + +Page 350--Added comma after "said" in--"You must not wear the same +thing twice running," she said, "not if you can help it." + +Page 355--Changed period to question mark after "next" in--Who is +next? Major Banks? Take care, Daisy, or you'll do some mischief." + +Page 374--Deleted comma after "see" in--Nevertheless, it was pleasant +to see the firm, still attitude, the fine proportions, the military +nicety of all his dress, which I had before noticed on the parade +ground. + +Page 386--Changed subtance to substance in--men of business, men of +character and some substance, + +Page 407--Changed "weel" to "well" in--"You may as well sit down and +tell us." + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Daisy, by Elizabeth Wetherell + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DAISY *** + +***** This file should be named 27949-8.txt or 27949-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/9/4/27949/ + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Jen Haines and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Daisy + +Author: Elizabeth Wetherell + +Release Date: January 31, 2009 [EBook #27949] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DAISY *** + + + + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Jen Haines and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + +<p class="top4"></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 480px;"> +<img src="images/i002.jpg" width="480" height="712" +alt=""'And you love Jesus, Darry,' I said."" +title=""'And you love Jesus, Darry,' I said."" /> +<p class="caption">"'And you love Jesus, Darry,' I said."</p> +<p class="captionleft"><i>Daisy</i></p><p class="captionright"><i> +<a href="#Page_59">Page 59</a></i></p> +</div> + +<h1 class="top4"> DAISY</h1> + +<h5>BY</h5> +<h3>ELIZABETH WETHERELL,</h3> + +<h5>AUTHOR OF</h5> +<h5>"THE WIDE, WIDE WORLD," "QUEECHY," +ETC., ETC.</h5> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 148px;"> +<img src="images/logo.jpg" width="148" height="29" alt="logo" title="logo" /> +</div> + +<h4>LONDON:</h4> + +<h3>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED,</h3> +<h4>WARWICK HOUSE, SALISBURY SQUARE, E.C.</h4> +<h4>NEW YORK AND MELBOURNE.</h4> + +<!-- Page 5 --> + +<h2 class="top4">CONTENTS.</h2> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 80px;"> +<img src="images/banner.jpg" width="80" height="9" alt="Bar Line" title="Bar Line" /> +</div> + +<div class="center"> +<table border="0" width="40%" summary="Contents by Chapter with Hyperlinks"> +<tr><td class="td3" colspan="2">Page</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_I"><b>CHAPTER I.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">Miss Pinshon</span></td> + <td class="td3">9</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_II"><b>CHAPTER II.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">My Home</span></td> + <td class="td3">27</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_III"><b>CHAPTER III.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">The Multiplication Table</span></td> + <td class="td3">45</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV"><b>CHAPTER IV.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">Seven Hundred People</span></td> + <td class="td3">68</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_V"><b>CHAPTER V.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">In the Kitchen</span></td> + <td class="td3">97</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_VI"><b>CHAPTER VI.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">Winter and Summer</span></td> + <td class="td3">119</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_VII"><b>CHAPTER VII.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">Singlehanded</span></td> + <td class="td3">149</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_VIII"><b>CHAPTER VIII.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">Egyptian Glass</span></td> + <td class="td3">165</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_IX"><b>CHAPTER IX.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">Shopping</span></td> + <td class="td3">185</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_X"><b>CHAPTER X.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">School</span></td> + <td class="td3">205</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XI"><b>CHAPTER XI.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">A Place in the World</span></td> + <td class="td3">226</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XII"><b>CHAPTER XII.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">French Dresses</span></td> + <td class="td3">244</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIII"><b>CHAPTER XIII.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">Grey Coats</span></td> + <td class="td3">275</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIV"><b>CHAPTER XIV.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">Yankees</span></td> + <td class="td3">297</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XV"><b>CHAPTER XV.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">Fort Putnam</span></td> + <td class="td3">320</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVI"><b>CHAPTER XVI.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">Hops</span></td> + <td class="td3">338</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVII"><b>CHAPTER XVII.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">Obeying Orders</span></td> + <td class="td3">356</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII"><b>CHAPTER XVIII.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">South and North</span></td> + <td class="td3">379</td></tr> +<tr><td class="td4" colspan="2"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIX"><b>CHAPTER XIX.</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td2"><span class="smcap">Entered for the War</span></td> + <td class="td3">392</td></tr> +</table></div> + +<h1 class="top4"> DAISY</h1> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 80px;"> +<img src="images/banner.jpg" width="80" height="9" alt="Bar Line" title="Bar Line" /> +</div> + +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2> + +<h3>MISS PINSHON.</h3> + +<p class="cap">I WANT an excuse to myself for writing my own life; an excuse for the +indulgence of going it all over again, as I have so often gone over +bits. It has not been more remarkable than thousands of others. Yet +every life has in it a thread of present truth and possible glory. Let +me follow out the truth to the glory.</p> + +<p>The first bright years of my childhood I will pass. They were +childishly bright. They lasted till my eleventh summer. Then the light +of heavenly truth was woven in with the web of my mortal existence; +and whatever the rest of the web has been, those golden threads have +always run through it all the rest of the way. Just as I reached my +birthday that summer and was ten years old, I became a Christian.</p> + +<p>For the rest of that summer I was a glad child. The brightness of +those days is a treasure safe locked up in a chamber of<!-- Page 10 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span> my memory. I +have known other glad times too in my life; other times of even higher +enjoyment. But among all the dried flowers of my memory, there is not +one that keeps a fresher perfume or a stronger scent of its life than +this one. Those were the days without cloud; before life shadows had +begun to cast their blackness over the landscape. And even though such +shadows do go as well as come, and leave the intervals as sunlit as +ever; yet after that change of the first life shadow is once seen, it +is impossible to forget that it may come again and darken the sun. I +do not mean that the days of that summer were absolutely without +things to trouble me; I had changes of light and shade; but, on the +whole, nothing that did not heighten the light. They were pleasant +days that I had in Juanita's cottage at the time when my ankle was +broken; there were hours of sweetness with crippled Molly; and it was +simply delight I had all alone with my pony Loupe, driving over the +sunny and shady roads, free to do as I liked and go where I liked. And +how I enjoyed studying English history with my cousin Preston. It is +all stowed away in my heart, as fresh and sweet as at first. I will +not pull it out now. The change, and my first real life shadow came, +when my father was thrown from his horse and injured his head. Then +the doctors decided he must go abroad and travel, and mamma decided +that it was best that I should go to Magnolia with Aunt Gary and have +a governess.</p> + +<p>There is no pleasure in thinking of those weeks. They went very +slowly, and yet very fast; while I counted every minute and noted +every step in the preparations. They were all over at last; my little +world was gone from me; and I was left alone with Aunt Gary.</p> + +<p>Her preparations had been made too; and the day after the<!-- Page 11 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span> steamer +sailed we set off on our journey to the south. I do not know much +about that journey. The things by the way were like objects in a mist +to me and no more clearly discerned. Now and then there came a rift in +the mist; something woke me up out of my sorrow-dream; and of those +points and of what struck my eyes at those minutes I have a most +intense and vivid recollection. I can feel yet the still air of one +early morning's start, and hear the talk between my aunt and the hotel +people about the luggage. My aunt was a great traveller and wanted no +one to help her or manage for her. I remember acutely a beggar who +spoke to us on the sidewalk at Washington. We stayed over a few days +in Washington, and then hurried on; for when she was on the road my +Aunt Gary lost not a minute. We went, I presume, as fast as we could +without travelling all night; and our last day's journey added that +too.</p> + +<p>By that time my head was getting steadied, perhaps, from the grief +which had bewildered it; or grief was settling down and taking its +proper place at the bottom of my heart, leaving the surface as usual. +For twelve hours that day we went by a slow railway train through a +country of weary monotony. Endless forests of pine seemed all that was +to be seen; scarce ever a village; here and there a miserable clearing +and forlorn-looking house; here and there stoppages of a few minutes +to let somebody out or take somebody in; once, to my great surprise, a +stop of rather more than a few minutes to accommodate a lady who +wanted some flowers gathered for her. I was surprised to see flowers +wild in the woods at that time of year, and much struck with the +politeness of the railway train that was willing to delay for such a +reason. We got out of the car for dinner, or for a short rest at +dinner-time. My aunt had brought her lunch in a<!-- Page 12 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span> basket. Then the +forests and the rumble of the cars began again. At one time the pine +forests were exchanged for oak, I remember; after that, nothing but +pine.</p> + +<p>It was late in the day, when we left the cars at one of those solitary +wayside station-houses. I shall never forget the look and feeling of +the place. We had been for some miles going through a region of swamp +or swampy woods, where sometimes the rails were laid on piles in the +water. This little station-house was in the midst of such a region. +The woods were thick and tangled with vines everywhere beyond the edge +of the clearing; the ground was wet beneath them, and in places showed +standing water. There was scarcely a clearing; the forest was all +round the house; with only the two breaks in it where on one side and +on the other the iron rail track ran off into the distance. It was a +lonely place; almost nobody was there waiting for the train; one or +two forlorn coloured people and a long lank-looking countryman, were +all. Except what at first prevented my seeing anything else—my cousin +Preston. He met me just as I was going to get down from the car; +lifted me to the platform, and then with his looks and words almost +broke up the composure which for several days had been growing upon +me. It was not hardened yet to bear attacks. I was like a poor +shell-fish, which, having lost one coat of armour and defence, craves +a place of hiding and shelter for itself until its new coat be grown. +While he was begging me to come into the station-house and rest, I +stood still looking up the long line of railway by which we had come, +feeling as if my life lay at the other end of it, out of sight and +quite beyond reach. Yet I asked him not to call me "poor" Daisy. I was +very tired, and I suppose my nerves not very steady. Preston said we +must wait at that place for another<!-- Page 13 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span> train; there was a fork in the +road beyond, and this train would not go the right way. It would not +take us to Baytown. So he had me into the station-house.</p> + +<p>It wearied me and so did all that my eyes lighted upon, strange though +it was. The bare room, not clean; the board partition, with swinging +doors, behind which, Preston said, were the cook and the baker! the +untidy waiting girls that came and went, with scant gowns and coarse +shoes, and no thread of white collar to relieve the dusky throat and +head rising out of the dark gown, and no apron at all. Preston did +what he could. He sent away the girls with their trays of eatables; he +had a table pulled out from the wall and wiped off, and then he +ordered a supper of eggs, and johnny cake, and all sorts of things. +But I could not eat. As soon as supper was over I went out on the +platform to watch the long lines of railway running off through the +forest, and wait for the coming train. The evening fell while we +looked; the train was late; and at last when it came I could only know +it in the distance by the red spark of its locomotive gleaming like a +firefly.</p> + +<p>It was a freight train, there was but one passenger car, and that was +full. We got seats with difficulty, and apart from each other. I +hardly know whether that, or anything, could have made me more +forlorn. I was already stiff and weary with the twelve hours of +travelling we had gone through that day; inexpressibly weary in heart. +It seemed to me that I could not long endure the rumble and the jar +and the closeness of this last car. The passengers, too, had habits +which made me draw my clothes as tight around me as I could, and +shrink away mentally into the smallest compass possible. I had noticed +the like, to be sure, ever since we left Washington; but to-night, in +my weary,<!-- Page 14 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span> faint, and tired-out state of mind and body every unseemly +sight or sound struck my nerves with a sense of pain that was hardly +endurable. I wondered if the train would go on all night; it went very +slowly. And I noticed that nobody seemed impatient or had the air of +expecting that it would soon find its journey's end. I felt as if I +could not bear it many half hours. My next neighbour was a fat, +good-natured, old lady, who rather made matters worse by putting her +arm round me and hugging me up, and begging me to make a pillow of her +and go to sleep. My nerves were twitching with impatience and the +desire for relief; when suddenly the thought came to me that I might +please the Lord by being patient. I remember what a lull the thought +of Him brought; and yet how difficult it was not to be impatient, till +I fixed my mind on some Bible words—they were the words of the +twenty-third Psalm—and began to think and pray them over. So good +they were, that by and by they rested me. I dropped asleep and forgot +my aches and weariness until the train arrived at Baytown.</p> + +<p>They took me to a hotel, then, and put me to bed, and I did not get up +for several days. I must have been feverish, for my fancies wandered +incessantly in unknown places with papa, in regions of the old world; +and sometimes, I think, took both him and myself to rest and home +where wanderings are over. After a few days this passed away. I was +able to come downstairs, and both Preston and his mother did their +best to take good care of me. Especially Preston. He brought me books, +and fruit, and birds to tempt me to eat, and was my kind and constant +companion when his mother was out, and indeed when she was in, too. So +I got better by the help of oranges and rice-birds. I could have got +better faster, but for my dread of a<!-- Page 15 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span> governess which was hanging over +me. I heard nothing about her and could not bear to ask. One day +Preston brought the matter up and asked if Daisy was going to have a +school-mistress?</p> + +<p>"Certainly," my Aunt Gary said. "She must be educated, you know."</p> + +<p>"<i>I</i> don't know," said Preston; "but if they say so, I suppose she +must. Who is it to be, mamma?"</p> + +<p>"You do not know anything about it," said Aunt Gary. "If my son was +going to marry the greatest heiress in the State; and she is very +nearly that—goodness! I did not see you were there, Daisy, my dear; +but it makes no difference;—I should think it proper that she should +be educated."</p> + +<p>"I can't see what her being an heiress should have to do with it," +said Preston, "except rather to make it unnecessary as well as a bore. +Who is it, mamma?"</p> + +<p>"I have recommended Miss Pinshon."</p> + +<p>"Oh, then, it is not fixed yet."</p> + +<p>"Yes, it is fixed. Miss Pinshon is coming as soon as we get to +Magnolia."</p> + +<p>"I'll be off before that," said Preston. "Who is Miss Pinshon?"</p> + +<p>"How should <i>you</i> know? She has lived at Jessamine Bank,—educated the +Dalzell girls."</p> + +<p>"What sort of a person, mamma!"</p> + +<p>"What sort of a person?" said my Aunt Gary; "why a governess sort of a +person. What sort should she be."</p> + +<p>"Any other sort in the world," said Preston, "for my money. That is +just the sort to worry poor little Daisy out of her life."</p> + +<p>"You are a foolish boy!" said Aunt Gary. "Of course if you<!-- Page 16 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span> fill +Daisy's head with notions, she will not get them out again. If you +have anything of that sort to say, you had better say it where she +will not hear."</p> + +<p>"Daisy has eyes—and a head," said Preston.</p> + +<p>As soon as I was able for it Preston took me out for short walks; and +as I grew stronger he made the walks longer. The city was a strange +place to me; very unlike New York; there was much to see and many a +story to hear; and Preston and I enjoyed ourselves. Aunt Gary was busy +making visits, I think. There was a beautiful walk by the sea which I +liked best of all; and when it was not too cold my greatest pleasure +was to sit there looking over the dark waters and sending my whole +soul across them to that unknown spot where my father and mother were. +"Home," that spot was to me. Preston did not know what I liked the +Esplanade for; he sometimes laughed at me for being poetic and +meditative; when I was only sending my heart over the water. But he +was glad to please me in all that he could; and whenever it was not +too cold, our walks always took me there.</p> + +<p>One day, sitting there, I remember we had a great argument about +studying. Preston began with saying that I must not mind this +governess that was coming, nor do anything she bade me unless I liked +it. As I gave him no answer, he repeated what he had said.</p> + +<p>"You know, Daisy, you are not obliged to care what she thinks."</p> + +<p>I said I thought I was.</p> + +<p>"What for?" said Preston.</p> + +<p>"I have a great deal to learn you know," I said, feeling it very +gravely indeed in my little heart.<!-- Page 17 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span></p> + +<p>"What do you want to know so much?" said Preston.</p> + +<p>I said, everything. I was very ignorant.</p> + +<p>"You are no such thing," said Preston. "Your head is full this minute. +I think you have about as much knowledge as is good for you. I mean to +take care that you do not get too much."</p> + +<p>"O Preston," said I, "that is very wrong. I have not any knowledge +scarcely."</p> + +<p>"There is no occasion," said Preston stoutly. "I hate learned women."</p> + +<p>"Don't you like to learn things?"</p> + +<p>"That's another matter," said he. "A man must know things, or he can't +get along. Women are different."</p> + +<p>"But I think it is nice to know things too," said I. "I don't see how +it is different."</p> + +<p>"Why, a woman need not be a lawyer, or a doctor, or a professor," said +Preston; "all she need do, is to have good sense and dress herself +nicely."</p> + +<p>"Is dressing so important?" said I, with a new light breaking over me.</p> + +<p>"Certainly. Ribbons of the wrong colour will half kill a woman. And I +have heard Aunt Randolph say that a particular lady was ruined by her +gloves."</p> + +<p>"Ruined by her gloves!" said I. "Did she buy so many?"</p> + +<p>Preston went into such a laugh at that, I had to wait some time before +I could go on. I saw I had made some mistake, and I would not renew +that subject.</p> + +<p>"Do <i>you</i> mean to be anything of that sort?" I said, with some want of +connection.</p> + +<p>"What sort? Ruined by my gloves? Not if I know it."<!-- Page 18 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span></p> + +<p>"No, no! I mean, a lawyer or a doctor or a professor?"</p> + +<p>"I should think not!" said Preston, with a more emphatic denial.</p> + +<p>"Then, what are you studying for?"</p> + +<p>"Because, as I told you, Daisy, a man must know things, or he cannot +get on in the world."</p> + +<p>I pondered the matter, and then I said, I should think good sense +would make a woman study too. I did not see the difference. "Besides, +Preston," I said, "if she didn't, they would not be equal."</p> + +<p>"Equal!" cried Preston. "Equal! O Daisy, you ought to have lived in +some old times. You are two hundred years old, at least. Now don't go +to studying that, but come home. You have sat here long enough."</p> + +<p>It was my last hour of freedom. Perhaps for that reason I remember +every minute so distinctly. On our way home we met a negro funeral. I +stopped to look at it. Something, I do not know what, in the long line +of dark figures, orderly and even stately in their demeanour, the +white dresses of the women, the peculiar faces of men and women both, +fascinated my eyes. Preston exclaimed at me again. It was the +commonest sight in the world, he said. It was their pride to have a +grand funeral. I asked if <i>this</i> was a grand funeral. Preston said +"pretty well; there must be several hundred of them and they were well +dressed." And then he grew impatient and hurried me on. But I was +thinking; and before we got to the hotel where we lodged, I asked +Preston if there were many coloured people at Magnolia.</p> + +<p>"Lots of them," he said. "There isn't anything else."</p> + +<p>"Preston," I said presently, "I want to buy some candy somewhere."<!-- Page 19 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span></p> + +<p>Preston was very much pleased, I believe, thinking that my thoughts +had quite left the current of sober things. He took me to a famous +confectioner's; and there I bought sweet things till my little stock +of money was all gone.</p> + +<p>"No more funds?" said Preston. "Never mind—go on, and I'll help you. +Why I never knew you liked sugarplums so much. What next? burnt +almonds? <i>this</i> is good, Daisy—this confection of roses. But you must +take all this sugar in small doses, or I am afraid it wouldn't be just +beneficial."</p> + +<p>"O Preston!" I said—"I do not mean to eat all this myself."</p> + +<p>"Are you going to propitiate Miss Pinshon with it? I have a +presentiment that sweets won't sweeten her, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"I don't know what 'propitiate' means," I said, sighing. "I will not +take the almonds, Preston."</p> + +<p>But he was determined I should; and to the almonds he added a quantity +of the delicate confection he spoke of, which I had thought too +delicate and costly for the uses I had purposed; and after the rose he +ordered candied fruits; till a great packet of varieties was made up. +Preston paid for them—I could not help it—and desired them sent +home; but I was bent on taking the package myself. Preston would not +let me do that, so he carried it; which was a much more serious token +of kindness, in him, than footing the bill. It was but a little way, +however, to the hotel. We were in the hall, and I was just taking my +sugars from Preston to carry them upstairs, when I heard Aunt Gary +call my name from the parlour. Instinctively, I cannot tell how, I +knew from her tone what she wanted me for. I put back the package in +Preston's hands, and walked in; my play over.</p> + +<p>How well I knew my play was over, when I saw my governess. She was +sitting by my aunt on the sofa. Quite different from<!-- Page 20 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span> what I had +expected, so different that I walked up to her in a maze, and yet +seemed to recognize in that first view all that was coming after. +Probably that is fancy; but it seems to me now that all I ever knew or +felt about Miss Pinshon in the years that followed, was duly begun and +betokened in those first five minutes. She was a young-looking lady, +younger looking than she was. She had a dark, rich complexion, and a +face that I suppose would have been called handsome; it was never +handsome to me. Long black curls on each side of her face, and large +black eyes, were the features that first struck one; but I immediately +decided that Miss Pinshon was not born a lady. I do not mean that I +think blood and breeding are unseverable; or that half a dozen lady +ancestors in a direct line secure the character to the seventh in +descent; though they <i>do</i> often secure the look of it; nevertheless, +ladies are born who never know all their lives how to make a curtsey, +and curtseys are made with infinite grace by those who have nothing of +a lady beyond the trappings. I never saw Miss Pinshon do a rude or an +awkward thing, that I remember; nor one which changed my first mind +about her. She was handsomely dressed; but there again I felt the same +want. Miss Pinshon's dresses made me think always of the mercer's +counter and the dressmaker's shop. My mother's robes always seemed +part of her own self; and so, in a certain true sense, they were.</p> + +<p>My aunt introduced me. Miss Pinshon studied me. Her first remark was +that I looked very young. My aunt excused that, on the ground of my +having been always a delicate child. Miss Pinshon observed further +that the way I wore my hair produced part of the effect. My aunt +explained <i>that</i> to my father's and mother's fancy; and agreed that +she thought cropped heads were<!-- Page 21 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span> always ungraceful. If my hair were +allowed to fall in ringlets on my neck I would look very different. +Miss Pinshon next inquired how much I knew? turning her great black +eyes from me to Aunt Gary. My aunt declared she could not tell; +delicate health had also here interfered; and she appealed to me to +say what knowledge I was possessed of. I could not answer. I could not +say. It seemed to me I had not learned anything. Then Preston spoke +for me.</p> + +<p>"Modesty is apt to be silent on its own merits," he said. "My cousin +has learned the usual rudiments; and in addition to those the art of +driving."</p> + +<p>"Of <i>what</i>? What did you say?" inquired my governess.</p> + +<p>"Of driving, ma'am. Daisy is an excellent whip for her years and +strength."</p> + +<p>Miss Pinshon turned to Preston's mother. My aunt confirmed and +enlarged the statement, again throwing the blame on my father and +mother. For herself, she always thought it very dangerous for a little +girl like me to go about in the country in a pony-chaise all alone. +Miss Pinshon's eyes could not be said to express anything, but to my +fancy they concealed a good deal. She remarked that the roads were +easy.</p> + +<p>"Oh, it was not here," said my aunt; "it was at the North, where the +roads are not like our pine forest. However the roads were not +dangerous there, that I know of; not for anybody but a child. But +horses and carriages are always dangerous."</p> + +<p>Miss Pinshon next applied herself to me. What did I know? "beside this +whip accomplishment," as she said. I was tongue-tied. It did not seem +to me that I knew anything. At last I said so. Preston exclaimed. I +looked at him to beg him to be still; and I remember how he smiled at +me.<!-- Page 22 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You can read, I suppose?" my governess went on.</p> + +<p>"Yes, ma'am."</p> + +<p>"And write, I suppose?"</p> + +<p>"I do not think you would say I know how to write," I answered. "I +cannot do it at all well; and it takes me a long time."</p> + +<p>"Come back to the driving, Daisy," said Preston. "That is one thing +you do know. And English history, I will bear witness."</p> + +<p>"What have you got there, Preston?" my aunt asked.</p> + +<p>"Some horehound drops, mamma."</p> + +<p>"You haven't a sore throat?" she asked, eagerly.</p> + +<p>"No, ma'am—not just now, but I had yesterday; and I thought I would +be provided."</p> + +<p>"You seem provided for a long time," Miss Pinshon remarked.</p> + +<p>"Can't get anything up at Magnolia, except rice," said Preston, after +making the lady a bow which did not promise good fellowship. "You must +take with you what you are likely to want there."</p> + +<p>"You will not want all that," said his mother.</p> + +<p>"No ma'am, I hope not," said Preston, looking at his package demurely. +"Old Uncle Lot, you know, always has a cough; and I purpose delighting +him with some of my purchases. I will go and put them away."</p> + +<p>"Old Uncle Lot!" my aunt repeated. "What Uncle Lot? I did not know you +had been enough at Magnolia to get the servants' names. But <i>I</i> don't +remember any Uncle Lot."</p> + +<p>Preston turned to leave the room with his candy, and in turning gave +me a look of such supreme fun and mischief that at<!-- Page 23 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span> another time I +could hardly have helped laughing. But Miss Pinshon was asking me if I +understood arithmetic?</p> + +<p>"I think—I know very little about it," I said hesitating. "I can do a +sum."</p> + +<p>"In what?"</p> + +<p>"On the slate, ma'am."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but in what?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know, ma'am—it is adding up the columns."</p> + +<p>"Oh, in <i>addition</i>, then. Do you know the multiplication and division +tables?"</p> + +<p>"No, ma'am."</p> + +<p>"Go and get off your things, and then come back to me; and I will have +some more talk with you."</p> + +<p>I remember to this day how heavily my feet went up the stairs. I was +not very strong yet in body, and now the strength seemed to have gone +out of my heart.</p> + +<p>"I declare," said Preston, who waited for me on the landing, "she +falls into position easy! Does she think she is going to take <i>that</i> +tone with you?"</p> + +<p>I made no answer. Preston followed me into my room.</p> + +<p>"I won't have it, little Daisy. Nobody shall be mistress at Magnolia +but you. This woman shall not. See, Daisy—I am going to put these +things in my trunk for you, until we get where you want them. That +will be safe."</p> + +<p>I thanked him.</p> + +<p>"What are you going to do now?"</p> + +<p>"I am going downstairs, as soon as I am ready."</p> + +<p>"Do you expect to be under all the commands this High Mightiness may +think proper to lay upon you?"</p> + +<p>I begged him to be still and leave me.<!-- Page 24 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span></p> + +<p>"She will turn you into stone!" he exclaimed. "She is a regular +Gorgon, with those heavy eyes of hers. I never saw such eyes. I +believe she would petrify me if I had to bear them. Don't you give +Medusa one of those sweet almonds, Daisy—not one, do you hear?"</p> + +<p>I heard too well. I faced round upon him and begged him to remember +that it was my <i>mother</i> I must obey in Miss Pinshon's orders: and said +that he must not talk to me. Whereupon Preston threw down his candies, +and pulled my cloak out of my unsteady hands, and locked his arms +about me; kissing me and lamenting over me that it was "too bad." I +tried to keep my self-command; but the end was a great burst of tears; +and I went down to Miss Pinshon with red eyes and at a disadvantage. I +think Preston was pleased.</p> + +<p>I had need of all my quiet and self-command. My governess stretched +out her hand, drew me to her side and kissed me; then with the other +hand went on to arrange the ruffle round my neck, stroking it and +pulling it into order, and even taking out a little bit of a pin I +wore, and putting it in again to suit herself. It annoyed me +excessively. I knew all was right about my ruffle and pin; I never +left them carelessly arranged; no fingers but mamma's had ever dared +to meddle with them before. But Miss Pinshon arranged the ruffle and +the pin, and still holding me, looked in my face with those eyes of +hers. I began to feel that they were "heavy." They did not waver. They +did not seem to wink, like other eyes. They bore down upon my face +with a steady power, that was not bright but ponderous. Her first +question was, whether I was a good girl.</p> + +<p>I could not tell how to answer. My aunt answered for me, that she +believed Daisy meant to be a good girl, though she liked to have her +own way.<!-- Page 25 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span></p> + +<p>Miss Pinshon ordered me to bring up a chair and sit down; and then +asked if I knew anything about mathematics; told me it was the science +of quantity; remarked to my aunt that it was the very best study for +teaching children to think, and that she always gave them a great deal +of it in the first year of their pupilage. "It puts the mind in +order," the black-eyed lady went on; "and other things come so easily +after it. Daisy, do you know what I mean by 'quantity?'"</p> + +<p>I knew what <i>I</i> meant by quantity; but whether the English language +had anything in common for Miss Pinshon and me, I had great doubts. I +hesitated.</p> + +<p>"I always teach my little girls to answer promptly when they are asked +anything. I notice that you do not answer promptly. You can always +tell whether you know a thing or whether you do not."</p> + +<p>I was not so sure of that. Miss Pinshon desired me now to repeat the +multiplication table. Here at least there was certainty. I had never +learned it.</p> + +<p>"It appears to me," said my governess, "you have done very little with +the first ten years of your life. It gives you a great deal to do for +the next ten."</p> + +<p>"Health has prevented her applying to her studies," said my aunt.</p> + +<p>"The want of health. Yes, I suppose so. I hope Daisy will be very well +now, for we must make up for lost time."</p> + +<p>"I do not suppose so much time need have been lost," said my aunt; +"but parents are easily alarmed, you know; they think of nothing but +one thing."</p> + +<p>So now there was nobody about me who would be easily alarmed. I took +the full force of that.<!-- Page 26 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Of course," said Miss Pinshon, "I shall have a careful regard to her +health. Nothing can be done without that. I shall take her out +regularly to walk with me, and see that she does not expose herself in +any way. Study is no hindrance to health; learning has no malevolent +effect upon the body. I think people often get sick for want of +something to think of."</p> + +<p>How sure I felt, as I went up to bed that night, that no such easy +cause of sickness would be mine for long years to come!<!-- Page 27 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2> + +<h3>MY HOME.</h3> + +<p class="cap">THE next day we were to go to Magnolia. It was a better day than I +expected. Preston kept me with him, away from Aunt Gary and my +governess; who seemed to have a very comfortable time together. +Magnolia lay some miles inland, up a small stream or inlet called the +Sands River; the banks of which were studded with gentlemen's houses. +The houses were at large distances from one another, miles of +plantation often lying between. We went by a small steamer which plied +up and down the river; it paddled along slowly, made a good many +landings, and kept us on board thus a great part of the day.</p> + +<p>At last Preston pointed out to me a little wooden pier or jetty ahead, +which he said was my landing; and the steamer soon drew up to it. I +could see only a broken bank, fifteen feet high, stretching all along +the shore. However a few steps brought us to a receding level bit of +ground, where there was a break in the bank; the shore fell in a +little, and a wooded dell sloped back from the river. A carriage and +servants were waiting here.<!-- Page 28 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span></p> + +<p>Preston and I had arranged that we would walk up and let the ladies +ride. But as soon as they had taken their places I heard myself +called. We declared our purpose, Preston and I; but Miss Pinshon said +the ground was damp and she preferred I should ride; and ordered me +in. I obeyed, bitterly disappointed; so much disappointed that I had +the utmost trouble not to let it be seen. For a little while I did not +know what we were passing. Then curiosity recovered itself. The +carriage was slowly making its way up a rough road. On each side the +wooded banks of the dell shut us in; and these banks seemed to slope +upward as well as the road, for though we mounted and mounted, the +sides of the dell grew no lower. After a little, then, the hollow of +the dell began to grow wider, and its sides softly shelving down; and +through the trees on our left we could see a house, standing high +above us, but on ground which sloped towards the dell, which rose and +widened and spread out to meet it. This sloping ground was studded +with magnificent live oaks; each holding its place in independent +majesty, making no interference with the growth of the rest. Some of +these trees had a girth that half a dozen men with their arms +outstretched in a circle could not span; they were green in spite of +the winter; branching low, and spreading into stately, beautiful heads +of verdure, while grey wreaths of moss hung drooping from some of +them. The house was seen not very distinctly among these trees; it +showed low, and in a long extent of building. I have never seen a +prettier approach to a house than that at Magnolia. My heart was full +of the beauty this first time.</p> + +<p>"This is Magnolia, Daisy," said my aunt. "This is your house."<!-- Page 29 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span></p> + +<p>"It appears a fine place," said Miss Pinshon.</p> + +<p>"It is one of the finest on the river. This is your property, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"It is papa's," I answered.</p> + +<p>"Well, it belongs to your mother, and so you may say it belongs to +your father; but it is yours for all that. The arrangement was, as I +know," my aunt went on, addressing Miss Pinshon—"the arrangement in +the marriage settlements was, that the sons should have the father's +property, and the daughters the mother's. There is one son and one +daughter; so they will each have enough."</p> + +<p>"But it is mamma's and papa's," I pleaded.</p> + +<p>"Oh, well—it will be yours. That is what I mean. Ransom will have +Melbourne and the Virginia estates; and Magnolia is yours. You ought +to have a pretty good education."</p> + +<p>I was so astonished at this way of looking at things, that again I +lost part of what was before me. The carriage went gently along, +passing the house, and coming up gradually to the same level; then +making a turn we drove at a better pace back under some of those great +evergreen oaks, till we drew up at the house door. This was at a +corner of the building, which stretched in a long, low line towards +the river. A verandah skirted all that long front. As soon as I was +out of the carriage I ran to the farthest end. I found the verandah +turned the corner; the lawn too. All along the front it sloped to the +dell; at the end of the house it sloped more gently and to greater +distance down to the banks of the river. I could not see the river +itself. The view of the dell at my left hand was lovely. A little +stream which ran in the bottom had been coaxed to form a clear pool in +an open spot, where the sunlight fell upon it, surrounded by a soft<!-- Page 30 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span> +wilderness of trees and climbers. Sweet branches of jessamine waved +there in their season; and a beautiful magnolia had been planted or +cherished there, and carefully kept in view of the house windows. But +the wide lawns, on one side and on the other, grew nothing but the +oaks; the gentle slope was a play-ground for sunshine and shadow, as I +first saw it; for then the shadows of the oaks were lengthening over +the grass, and the waving grey wreaths of moss served sometimes as a +foil, sometimes as an usher to the sunbeams. I stood in a trance of +joy and sorrow; they were fighting so hard for the mastery; till I +knew that my aunt and Miss Pinshon had come up behind me.</p> + +<p>"This is a proud place!" my governess remarked.</p> + +<p>I believe I looked at her. My aunt laughed; said she must not teach me +that; and led the way back to the entrance of the house. All along the +verandah I noticed that the green-blinded long windows made other +entrances for whoever chose them.</p> + +<p>The door was open for us already, and within was a row of dark faces +of men and women, and a show of white teeth that looked like a +welcome. I wondered Aunt Gary did not say more to answer the welcome; +she only dropped a few careless words as she went in, and asked if +dinner was ready. I looked from one to another of the strange faces +and gleaming rows of teeth. These were my mother's servants; that was +something that came near to my heart. I heard inquiries after "Mis' +Felissy" and "Mass' Randolph," and then the question, "Mis' 'Lizy, is +this little missis?" It was asked by an old, respectable-looking, +grey-haired negress. I did not hear my aunt's answer; but I stopped +and turned to the woman and laid my little hand in her withered palm. +I don't know what there was in that minute; only I know that whereas I +touched one hand, I touched a great<!-- Page 31 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span> many hearts. Then and there began +my good understanding with all the coloured people on my mother's +estate of Magnolia. There was a general outburst of satisfaction and +welcome. Some of the voices blessed me; more than one remarked that I +was "like Mass' Randolph;" and I went into the parlour with a warm +spot in my heart, which had been very cold.</p> + +<p>I was oddly at home at once. The room indeed was a room I had never +seen before; yet according to the mystery of such things, the +inanimate surroundings bore the mark of the tastes and habits I had +grown up among all my life. A great splendid fire was blazing in the +chimney; a rich carpet was on the floor; the furniture was luxurious +though not showy, and there was plenty of it. So there was plenty of +works of art, in home and foreign manufacture. Comfort, elegance, +prettiness, all around; and through the clear glass of the long +windows the evergreen oaks on the lawn showed like guardians of the +place. I stood at one of them, with the pressure of that joy and +sorrow filling my childish heart.</p> + +<p>My aunt presently called me from the window, and bade me let Margaret +take off my things. I got leave to go upstairs with Margaret and take +them off there. So I ran up the low easy flight of stairs—they were +wooden and uncarpeted—to a matted gallery lit from the roof, with +here and there a window in a recess looking upon the lawn. Many rooms +opened into this gallery. I went from one to another. Here were great +wood fires burning too; here were snowy white beds, with light muslin +hangings; and dark cabinets and wardrobes; and mats on the floors, +with thick carpets and rugs laid down here and there. And on one side +and on the other side the windows looked out upon the wide lawn, with +its giant oaks hung with grey wreaths<!-- Page 32 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span> of moss. My heart grew sore +straitened. It was a hard evening, that first evening at Magnolia; +with the loveliness and the brightness, the warm attraction, and the +bitter cold sense of loneliness. I longed to throw myself down and +cry. What I did, was to stand by one of the windows and fight myself +not to let the tears come. If <i>they</i> were here, it would be so happy! +If they were here—oh, if they were here!</p> + +<p>I believe the girl spoke to me without my hearing her. But then came +somebody whom I was obliged to hear, shouting "Daisy" along the +gallery. I faced him with a great effort. He wanted to know what I was +doing, and how I liked it, and where my room was.</p> + +<p>"Not found it yet?" said Preston. "Is this it? Whose room is this, +hey?—you somebody?"</p> + +<p>"Maggie, massa," said the girl, dropping a curtsey.</p> + +<p>"Maggie, where is your mistress's room?"</p> + +<p>"This is Mis' 'Liza's room, sir."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense! Miss 'Liza is only here on a visit—<i>this</i> is your +mistress. Where is her room, hey?"</p> + +<p>"Oh stop, Preston!" I begged him. "I am not mistress."</p> + +<p>"Yes, you are. I'll roast anybody who says you ain't. Come along, and +you shall choose which room you will have; and if it isn't ready they +will get it ready. Come!"</p> + +<p>I made him understand my choice might depend on where other people's +rooms were; and sent him off. Then I sent the girl away—she was a +pleasant-faced mulatto, very eager to help me—and left to myself I +hurriedly turned the key in the lock. I <i>must</i> have some minutes to +myself if I was to bear the burden of that afternoon; and I knelt down +with as heavy a heart, almost, as I ever knew. In all my life I had +never felt so castaway and deso<!-- Page 33 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span>late. When my father and mother first +went from me, I was at least among the places where they had been; +June was with me still, and I knew not Miss Pinshon. The journey had +had its excitements and its interest. Now I was alone; for June had +decided, with tears and woeful looks, that she would not come to +Magnolia; and Preston would be soon on his way back to college. I knew +of only one comfort in the world; that wonderful, "Lo, I am with you." +Does anybody know what that means, who has not made it the single +plank bridge over an abyss?</p> + +<p>No one found out that anything was the matter with me, except Preston. +His caresses were dangerous to my composure. I kept him off; and he +ate his dinner with a thundercloud face which foretold war with all +governesses. For me, it was hard work enough to maintain my quiet; +everything made it hard. Each new room, every arrangement of +furniture, every table appointment, though certainly not what I had +seen before, yet seemed so like home that I was constantly missing +what would have made it home indeed. It was the shell without the +kernel. The soup ladle seemed to be by mistake in the wrong hands; +Preston seemed to have no business with my father's carving knife and +fork; the sense of desolation pressed upon me everywhere.</p> + +<p>After dinner the ladies went upstairs to choose their rooms, and Miss +Pinshon avowed that she wished to have mine within hers; it would be +proper and convenient, she said. Aunt Gary made no objection; but +there was some difficulty, because all the rooms had independent +openings into the gallery. Miss Pinshon hesitated a moment between one +of two that opened into each other, and another that was pleasanter +and larger but would give her less facility for overlooking my +affairs. For one moment<!-- Page 34 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span> I drew a breath of hope; and then my hope was +quashed. Miss Pinshon chose one of the two that opened into each +other; and my only comfort was the fact that my own room had two doors +and I was not obliged to go through Miss Pinshon's to get to it. Just +as this business was settled, Preston called me out into the gallery +and asked me to go for a walk. I questioned with myself a second +whether I should ask leave; but I had an inward assurance that to ask +leave would be not to go. I felt I must go. I ran back to the room +where my things lay, and in two minutes I was out of the house.</p> + +<p>My first introduction to Magnolia! How well I remember every minute +and every foot of the way. It was delicious, the instant I stepped out +among the oaks and into the sunshine. Freedom was there, at all +events.</p> + +<p>"Now, Daisy, we'll go to the stables," Preston said, "and see if there +is anything fit for you. I am afraid there isn't; though Edwards told +me he thought there was."</p> + +<p>"Who is Edwards?" I asked, as we sped joyfully away through the oaks, +across shade and sunshine.</p> + +<p>"Oh, he is the overseer."</p> + +<p>"What is an overseer?"</p> + +<p>"What is an overseer?—why, he is the man that looks after things."</p> + +<p>"What things?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"All the things—everything, Daisy; all the affairs of the plantation; +the rice fields and the cotton fields and the people, and everything."</p> + +<p>"Where are the stables? and where are we going?"</p> + +<p>"Here—just here—a little way off. They are just in a dell over +here—the other side of the house, where the quarters are."<!-- Page 35 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Quarters?" I repeated.</p> + +<p>"Yes. Oh, you don't know anything down here, but you'll learn. The +stables and quarters are in this dell we are coming to; nicely out of +sight. Magnolia is one of the prettiest places on the river."</p> + +<p>We had passed through the grove of oaks on the further side of the +house, and then found the beginning of a dell which, like the one by +which we had come up a few hours before, sloped gently down to the +river. In its course it widened out to a little low sheltered open +ground, where a number of buildings stood.</p> + +<p>"So the house is between two dells," I said.</p> + +<p>"Yes; and on that height up there, beyond the quarters, is the +cemetery; and from there you can see a great many fields and the +river, and have a beautiful view. And there are capital rides all +about the place, Daisy."</p> + +<p>When we came to the stables, Preston sent a boy in search of "Darius." +Darius, he told me, was the coachman, and chief in charge of the +stable department. Darius came presently. He was a grey-headed, +fine-looking, most respectable black man. He had driven my mother and +my mother's mother; and being a trusted and important man on the +place, and for other reasons, he had a manner and bearing that were a +model of dignified propriety. Very grave "Uncle Darry" was; stately +and almost courtly in his respectful courtesy; but he gave me a +pleasant smile when Preston presented him.</p> + +<p>"We's happy to see Miss Daisy at her own home. Hope de Lord bress +her."</p> + +<p>My heart warmed at these words like the ice-bound earth in a spring +day. They were not carelessly spoken, nor was the welcome.<!-- Page 36 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span> My feet +trod the greensward more firmly. Then all other thoughts were for the +moment put to flight by Preston's calling for the pony and asking +Darius what he thought of him, and Darry's answer.</p> + +<p>"Very far, massa; very far. Him no good for not'ing."</p> + +<p>While I pondered what this judgment might amount to, the pony was +brought out. He was larger than Loupe, and had not Loupe's peculiar +symmetry of mane and tail: he was a fat dumpy little fellow, sleek and +short, dapple grey, with a good long tail and a mild eye. Preston +declared he had no shape at all and was a poor concern of a pony; but +to my eyes he was beautiful. He took one or two sugarplums from my +hand with as much amenity as if we had been old acquaintances. Then a +boy was put on him, who rode him up and down with a halter.</p> + +<p>"He'll do, Darius," said Preston.</p> + +<p>"For little missis? Just big enough, massa. Got no tricks at all, only +he no like work. Not much spring in him."</p> + +<p>"Daisy must take the whip, then. Come and let us go look at some of +the country where you will ride. Are you tired, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"Oh no," I said. "But wait a minute, Preston. Who lives in all those +houses?"</p> + +<p>"The people. The hands. They are away in the fields at work now."</p> + +<p>"Does Darius live there?"</p> + +<p>"Of course. They all live here."</p> + +<p>"I should like to go nearer, and see the houses."</p> + +<p>"Daisy, it is nothing on earth to see. They are all just alike, and +you see them from here."</p> + +<p>"I want to look in," I said, moving down the slope.<!-- Page 37 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Daisy," said Preston, "you are just as fond of having your way +as——"</p> + +<p>"As what? I do not think I am, Preston."</p> + +<p>"I suppose nobody thinks he is," grumbled Preston, following me, +"except the fellows who can't get it."</p> + +<p>I had by this time almost forgotten Miss Pinshon. I had almost come to +think that Magnolia might be a pleasant place. In the intervals when +the pony was out of sight, I had improved my knowledge of the old +coachman; and every look added to my liking. There was something I +could not read that more and more drew me to him. A simplicity in his +good manners, a placid expression in his gravity, a staid reserve in +his humility, were all there; and more yet. Also the scene in the dell +was charming to me. The ground about the negro cottages was kept neat; +they were neatly built of stone and stood round the sides of a +quadrangle; while on each side and below the wooded slopes of ground +closed in the picture. Sunlight was streaming through and brightening +up the cottages, and resting on Uncle Darry's swart face. Down through +the sunlight I went to the cottages. The first door stood open, and I +looked in. At the next I was about to knock, but Preston pushed open +the door for me; and so he did for a third and a fourth. Nobody was in +them. I was a good deal disappointed. They were empty, bare, dirty, +and seemed to be very forlorn. What a set of people my mother's hands +must be, I thought. Presently I came upon a ring of girls, a little +larger than I was, huddled together behind one of the cottages. There +was no manners about them. They were giggling and grinning, hopping on +one foot, and going into other awkward antics; not the less that most +of them had their arms filled with little black babies. I had got +enough for that day, and turning about, left the dell with Preston.<!-- Page 38 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span></p> + +<p>At the head of the dell, Preston led off in a new direction, along a +wide avenue that ran through the woods. Perfectly level and smooth, +with the woods closing in on both sides and making long vistas through +their boles and under their boughs. By and by we took another path +that led off from this one, wide enough for two horses to go abreast. +The pine trees were sweet overhead and on each hand, making the light +soft and the air fragrant. Preston and I wandered on in delightful +roaming; leaving the house and all that it contained at an +unremembered distance. Suddenly we came out upon a cleared field. It +was many acres large; in the distance a number of people were at work. +We turned back again.</p> + +<p>"Preston," I said, after a silence of a few minutes,—"there seemed to +be no women in those cottages. I did not see any."</p> + +<p>"I suppose not," said Preston; "because there were not any to see."</p> + +<p>"But had all those little babies no mothers?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, of course, Daisy; but they were in the field."</p> + +<p>"The mothers of those little babies?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. What about it? Look here—are you getting tired?"</p> + +<p>I said no; and he put his arm round me fondly, so as to hold me up a +little; and we wandered gently on, back to the avenue, then down its +smooth course further yet from the house, then off by another wood +path through the pines on the other side. This was a narrower path, +amidst sweeping pine branches and hanging creepers, some of them +prickly, which threw themselves all across the way. It was not easy +getting along. I remarked that nobody seemed to come there much.</p> + +<p>"I never came here myself," said Preston, "but I know it must lead out +upon the river somewhere, and that's what I am<!-- Page 39 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> after. Hollo! we are +coming to something. There is something white through the trees. I +declare, I believe——"</p> + +<p>Preston had been out in his reckoning, and a second time had brought +me where he did not wish to bring me. We came presently to an open +place, or rather a place where the pines stood a little apart; and +there in the midst was a small enclosure. A low brick wall surrounded +a square bit of ground, with an iron gate on one side of the square; +within, the grassy plot was spotted with the white marble of +tombstones. There were large and small. Overhead, the great pine trees +stood and waved their long branches gently in the wind. The place was +lonely and lovely. We had come, as Preston guessed, to the river, and +the shore was here high; so that we looked down upon the dark little +stream far below us. The sunlight, getting low by this time, hardly +touched it; but streamed through the pine trees and over the grass, +and gilded the white marble with gold.</p> + +<p>"I did not mean to bring you here," said Preston, "I did not know I +was bringing you here. Come, Daisy—we'll go and try again."</p> + +<p>"Oh stop!" I said—"I like it. I want to look at it."</p> + +<p>"It is the cemetery," said Preston. "That tall column is the monument +of our great—no, of our great-great-grandfather; and this brown one +is for mamma's father. Come, Daisy!——"</p> + +<p>"Wait a little," I said. "Whose is that with the vase on top?"</p> + +<p>"Vase?" said Preston—"it's an urn. It is an urn, Daisy. People do not +put vases on tombstones."</p> + +<p>I asked what the difference was.</p> + +<p>"The difference? O Daisy, Daisy! Why vases are to put flowers in; and +urns—I'll tell you, Daisy,—I believe it is because<!-- Page 40 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span> the Romans used +to burn the bodies of their friends and gather up the ashes and keep +them in a funeral urn. So an urn comes to be appropriate to a +tombstone."</p> + +<p>"I do not see how," I said.</p> + +<p>"Why because an urn comes to be an emblem of mortality and all that. +Come, Daisy; let us go."</p> + +<p>"I think a vase of flowers would be a great deal nicer," I said. "We +do not keep the ashes of our friends."</p> + +<p>"We don't put signs of joy over their graves either," said Preston.</p> + +<p>"I should think we might," I said meditatively. "When people have gone +to Jesus—they must be very glad!"</p> + +<p>Preston burst out with an expression of hope that Miss Pinshon would +"do something" for me; and again would have led me away; but I was not +ready to go. My eye, roving beyond the white marble and the low brick +wall, had caught what seemed to be a number of meaner monuments, +scattered among the pine trees and spreading down the slope of the +ground on the further side, where it fell off towards another dell. In +one place a bit of board was set up; further on a cross; then I saw a +great many bits of board and crosses; some more and some less +carefully made; and still as my eye roved about over the ground they +seemed to start up to view in every direction; too low and too humble +and too near the colour of the fallen pine leaves to make much show +unless they were looked for. I asked what they all were.</p> + +<p>"Those? Oh, those are for the people, you know."</p> + +<p>"The people?" I repeated.</p> + +<p>"Yes, the people—the hands."</p> + +<p>"There are a great many of them," I remarked.<!-- Page 41 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Of course," said Preston. "You see, Daisy, there have been I don't +know how many hundreds of hands here for a great many years, ever +since mother's grandfather's time."</p> + +<p>"I should think," said I, looking at the little board slips and +crosses among the pine cones on the ground,—"I should think they +would like to have something nicer to put up over their graves."</p> + +<p>"Nicer? those are good enough," said Preston. "Good enough for them."</p> + +<p>"I should think they would like to have something better," I said. +"Poor people at the North have nicer monuments, I know. I never saw +such monuments in my life."</p> + +<p>"Poor people!" cried Preston. "Why these are the <i>hands</i>, Daisy,—the +coloured people. What do they want of monuments?"</p> + +<p>"Don't they care?" said I, wondering.</p> + +<p>"Who cares if they care? I don't know whether they care," said +Preston, quite out of patience with me, I thought.</p> + +<p>"Only, if they cared, I should think they would have something nicer," +I said. "Where do they all go to church, Preston?"</p> + +<p>"Who?" said Preston.</p> + +<p>"These people?"</p> + +<p>"What people? The families along the river do you mean?"</p> + +<p>"No, no," said I; "I mean <i>our</i> people—these people; the hands. You +say there are hundreds of them. Where do they go to church?"</p> + +<p>I faced Preston now in my eagerness; for the little board crosses and +the forlorn look of the whole burying-ground on the side of the hill +had given me a strange feeling. "Where do they go to church, +Preston!"<!-- Page 42 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Nowhere, I reckon."</p> + +<p>I was shocked, and Preston was impatient. How should he know, he said; +he did not live at Magnolia. And he carried me off. We went back to +the avenue and slowly bent our steps again towards the house; slowly, +for I was tired, and we both, I think, were busy with our thoughts. +Presently I saw a man, a negro, come into the avenue a little before +us with a bundle of tools on his back. He went as slowly as we, with +an indescribable, purposeless gait. His figure had the same look too, +from his lop-sided old white hat to every fold of his clothing, which +seemed to hang about him just as it would as lieve be off as on. I +begged Preston to hail him and ask him the question about church +going, which sorely troubled me. Preston was unwilling and resisted.</p> + +<p>"What do you want me to do that for, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"Because Aunt Gary told Miss Pinshon that we have to drive six miles +to go to church. Do ask him where they go!"</p> + +<p>"They don't go <i>anywhere</i>, Daisy," said Preston, impatiently; "they +don't care a straw about it, either. All the church they care about is +when they get together in somebody's house and make a great muss."</p> + +<p>"Make a muss!" said I.</p> + +<p>"Yes; a regular muss; shouting and crying and having what they call a +good time. That's what some of them do; but I'll wager if I were to +ask him about going to church, this fellow here would not know what I +mean."</p> + +<p>This did by no means quiet me. I insisted that Preston should stop the +man; and at last he did. The fellow turned and came back towards us, +ducking his old white hat. His face was just like the rest of him; +there was no expression in it but an expression of limp +submissiveness.<!-- Page 43 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Sambo, your mistress wants to speak to you."</p> + +<p>"Yes, massa. I's George, massa."</p> + +<p>"George," said I, "I want to know where you go to church?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, missis. What missis want to know?"</p> + +<p>"Where do you and all the rest go to church?"</p> + +<p>"Reckon don't go nowhar, missis."</p> + +<p>"Don't you ever go to church?"</p> + +<p>"Church for white folks, missis; bery far; long ways to ride."</p> + +<p>"But you and the rest of the people—don't you go anywhere to church? +to hear preaching?"</p> + +<p>"Reckon not, missis. De preachin's don't come dis way, likely."</p> + +<p>"Can you read the Bible, George?"</p> + +<p>"Dunno read, missis. Never had no larnin'."</p> + +<p>"Then don't you know anything about what is in the Bible? don't you +know about Jesus?"</p> + +<p>"Reckon don't know not'ing, missis."</p> + +<p>"About Jesus?" said I again.</p> + +<p>"'Clar, missis, dis nigger don't know not'ing, but de rice and de +corn. Missis talk to Darry; he most knowin' nigger on plantation; +knows a heap."</p> + +<p>"There!" exclaimed Preston, "that will do. You go off to your supper, +George—and Daisy, you had better come on if you want anything +pleasant at home. What on earth have you got now by that? What is the +use? Of course they do not know anything; and why should they? They +have no time and no use for it."</p> + +<p>"They have no time on Sundays?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Time to sleep. That is what they do. That is the only<!-- Page 44 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span> thing a negro +cares about, to go to sleep in the sun. It's all nonsense, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"They would care about something else, I dare say," I answered, "if +they could get it."</p> + +<p>"Well, they can't get it. Now, Daisy, I want you to let these fellows +alone. You have nothing to do with them, and you did not come to +Magnolia for such work. You have nothing on earth to do with them."</p> + +<p>I had my own thoughts on the subject, but Preston was not a +sympathising hearer. I said no more. The evergreen oaks about the +house came presently in sight; then the low verandah that ran round +three sides of it; then we came to the door, and my walk was over.<!-- Page 45 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2> + +<h3>THE MULTIPLICATION TABLE.</h3> + +<p class="cap">MY life at Magnolia might be said to begin when I came downstairs that +evening. My aunt and Miss Pinshon were sitting in the parlour, in the +light of a glorious fire of light wood and oak sticks. Miss Pinshon +called me to her at once; inquired where I had been; informed me I +must not for the future take such diversion without her leave first +asked and obtained; and then put me to reading aloud, that she might +see how well I could do it. She gave me a philosophical article in a +magazine for my proof piece; it was full of long words that I did not +know and about matters that I did not understand. I read mechanically, +of course; trying with all my might to speak the long words right, +that there might be no room for correction; but Miss Pinshon's voice +interrupted me again and again. I felt cast away in a foreign land; +further and further from the home feeling every minute; and it seemed +besides as if the climate had some power of petrifaction. I could not +keep Medusa out of my head. It was a relief at last when the tea<!-- Page 46 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span> was +brought in. Miss Pinshon took the magazine out of my hand.</p> + +<p>"She has a good voice, but she wants expression," was her remark.</p> + +<p>"I could not understand what she was reading," said my Aunt Gary.</p> + +<p>"Nor anybody else," said Preston. "How are you going to give +expression, when there is nothing to express?"</p> + +<p>"That is where you feel the difference between a good reader and one +who is not trained," said my governess. "I presume Daisy has never +been trained."</p> + +<p>"No, not in anything," said my aunt. "I dare say she wants a good deal +of it."</p> + +<p>"We will try," said Miss Pinshon.</p> + +<p>It all comes back to me as I write, that beginning of my Magnolia +life. I remember how dazed and disheartened I sat at the tea-table, +yet letting nobody see it; how Preston made violent efforts to change +the character of the evening; and did keep up a stir that at another +time would have amused me. And when I was dismissed to bed, Preston +came after me to the upper gallery and almost broke up my power of +keeping quiet. He gathered me in his arms, kissed me and lamented me, +and denounced ferocious threats against "Medusa;" while I in vain +tried to stop him. He would not be sent away, till he had come into my +room and seen that the fire was burning and the room warm, and +Margaret ready for me.</p> + +<p>With Margaret there was also an old coloured woman, dark and wrinkled, +my faithful old friend Mammy Theresa! but indeed I could scarcely see +her just then, for my eyes were full of big tears when Preston left +me; and I had to stand still before<!-- Page 47 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span> the fire for some minutes before +I could fight down the fresh tears that were welling up and let those +which veiled my eyesight scatter away. I was conscious how silently +the two women waited upon me. I had a sense even then of the sympathy +they were giving. I knew they served me with a respect which would +have done for an Eastern princess; but I said nothing hardly, nor +they, that night.</p> + +<p>If the tears came when I was alone, so did sleep too at last; and I +waked up the next morning a little revived. It was a cool morning, and +my eyes opened to see Margaret on her knees making my fire. Two good +oak sticks were on the fire dogs, and a heap of light wood on the +floor. I watched her piling and preparing, and then kindling the wood +with a splinter of light wood which she lit in the candle. It was all +very strange to me. The bare painted and varnished floor; the rugs +laid down here and there; the old cupboards in the wall; the unwonted +furniture. It did not feel like home. I lay still, until the fire +blazed up and Margaret rose to her feet, and seeing my eyes open +dropped her curtsey.</p> + +<p>"Please, missis, may I be Miss Daisy's girl?"</p> + +<p>"I will ask Aunt Gary," I answered, a good deal surprised.</p> + +<p>"Miss Daisy is the mistress. We all belong to Miss Daisy. It will be +as she say."</p> + +<p>I thought to myself that very little was going to be "as I said." I +got out of bed, feeling terribly slim-hearted, and stood in my +nightgown before the fire, trying to let the blaze warm me. Margaret +did her duties with a zeal of devotion that reminded me of my old +June.</p> + +<p>"I will ask Aunt Gary," I said; "and I think she will let you build my +fire, Margaret."<!-- Page 48 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Thank'e, ma'am. First-rate fires. I'll make, Miss Daisy. We'se all so +glad Miss Daisy come to Magnoly."</p> + +<p>Were they? I thought, and what did she mean by their all "belonging to +me?" I was not accustomed to quite so much deference. However, I +improved my opportunity by asking Margaret my question of the day +before about church. The girl half laughed.</p> + +<p>"Ain't any church big enough to hold all de people," she said. "Guess +we coloured folks has to go widout."</p> + +<p>"But where <i>is</i> the church?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Ain't none, Miss Daisy. People enough to make a church full all +himselves."</p> + +<p>"And don't you want to go?"</p> + +<p>"Reckon it's o' no consequence, missis. It's a right smart chance of a +way to Bo'mbroke, where de white folks' church is. Guess they don't +have none for poor folks nor niggers in dese parts."</p> + +<p>"But Jesus died for poor people," I said, turning round upon my +attendant. She met me with a gaze I did not understand, and said +nothing. Margaret was not like my old June. She was a clear mulatto, +with a fresh colour and rather a handsome face; and her eyes, unlike +June's little anxious, restless, almond-shaped eyes, were liquid and +full. She went on carefully with the toilet duties which busied her; +and I was puzzled.</p> + +<p>"Did you never hear of Jesus?" I said presently. "Don't you know that +He loves poor people?"</p> + +<p>"Reckon He loves rich people de best, Miss Daisy," the girl said, in a +dry tone.</p> + +<p>I faced about to deny this, and to explain how the Lord had a special +love and care for the poor. I saw that my hearer did not believe me. +"She had heerd so," she said.<!-- Page 49 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span></p> + +<p>The dressing-bell sounded long and loud, and I was obliged to let +Margaret go on with my dressing; but in the midst of my puzzled state +of mind, I felt childishly sure of the power of that truth, of the +Lord's love, to break down any hardness and overcome any coldness. +Yet, "how shall they hear without a preacher?" and I had so little +chance to speak.</p> + +<p>"Then, Margaret," said I at last, "is there no place where you can go +to hear about the things in the Bible?"</p> + +<p>"No, missis; I never goes."</p> + +<p>"And does not anybody, except Darry when he goes with the carriage?"</p> + +<p>"Can't, Miss Daisy; it's miles and miles; and no place for niggers +neither."</p> + +<p>"Can you read the Bible, Margaret?"</p> + +<p>"Guess not, missis; we's too stupid; ain't good for coloured folks to +read."</p> + +<p>"Does <i>nobody</i>, among all the people, read the Bible?" said I, once +more stopping Margaret in my dismay.</p> + +<p>"Uncle Darry—he does," said the girl; "and he do 'spoun some; but I +don't make no count of his 'spoundations."</p> + +<p>I did not know quite what she meant; but I had no time for anything +more. I let her go, locked my door and kneeled down; with the burden +on my heart of this new revelation; that there were hundreds of people +under the care of my father and mother who were living without church +and without Bible, in desperate ignorance of everything worth knowing. +If papa had only been at Magnolia with me! I thought I could have +persuaded him to build a church and let somebody come and teach the +people. But now—what could I do? And I asked the Lord, what could I +do? but I did not see the answer.<!-- Page 50 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span></p> + +<p>Feeling the question on my two shoulders, I went downstairs. To my +astonishment, I found the family all gathered in solemn order; the +house servants at one end of the room, my aunt, Miss Pinshon and +Preston at the other, and before my aunt a little table with books. I +got a seat as soon as I could, for it was plain that something was +waiting for me. Then my aunt opened the Bible and read a chapter, and +followed it with prayer read out of another book. I was greatly amazed +at the whole proceeding. No such ceremony was ever gone through at +Melbourne; and certainly nothing had ever given me the notion that my +Aunt Gary was any more fond of sacred things than the rest of the +family.</p> + +<p>"An excellent plan," said Miss Pinshon, when we had risen from our +knees and the servants had filed off.</p> + +<p>"Yes," my aunt said, somewhat as if it needed an apology;—"it was the +custom in my father's and grandfather's time; and we always keep it +up. I think old customs always should be kept up."</p> + +<p>"And do you have the same sort of thing on Sundays, for the +out-of-door hands?"</p> + +<p>"What?" said my aunt. It was somewhat more abrupt than polite; but she +probably felt that Miss Pinshon was a governess.</p> + +<p>"There were only the house servants gathered this morning."</p> + +<p>"Of course; part of them."</p> + +<p>"Have you any similar system of teaching for those who are outside? I +think you told me they have no church to go to."</p> + +<p>"I should like to know what 'system' you would adopt," said my aunt, +"to reach seven hundred people."</p> + +<p>"A church and a minister would not be a bad thing."</p> + +<p>"Or we might all turn missionaries," said Preston; "and go<!-- Page 51 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span> among them +with bags of Bibles round our necks. We might all turn missionaries."</p> + +<p>"Colporteurs," said Miss Pinshon.</p> + +<p>Then I said in my heart, "I will be one." But I went on eating my +breakfast and did not look at anybody; only I listened with all my +might.</p> + +<p>"I don't know about that," said my aunt. "I doubt whether a church and +a minister would be beneficial."</p> + +<p>"Then you have a nation of heathen at your doors," said Miss Pinshon.</p> + +<p>"I don't know but they are just as well off," said my aunt. "I doubt +if more light would do them any good. They would not understand it."</p> + +<p>"They must be very dark if they could not understand light," said my +governess.</p> + +<p>"Just as people that are very light cannot understand darkness," said +Preston.</p> + +<p>"I think so," my aunt went on. "Our neighbour Colonel Joram, down +below here at Crofts, will not allow such a thing as preaching or +teaching on his plantation. He says it is bad for them. We always +allowed it; but I don't know."</p> + +<p>"Colonel Joram is a heathen himself, you know, mother," said Preston. +"Don't hold <i>him</i> up."</p> + +<p>"I will hold him up for a gentleman, and a very successful planter," +said Mrs. Gary. "No place is better worked or managed than Crofts. If +the estate of Magnolia were worked and kept as well, it would be worth +half as much again as it ever has been. But there is the difference of +the master's eye. My brother-in-law never could be induced to settle +at Magnolia, nor at his own estates either. He likes it better in the +cold North."<!-- Page 52 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span></p> + +<p>Miss Pinshon made no remark whatever in answer to this statement; and +the rest of the talk at the breakfast-table was about rice.</p> + +<p>After breakfast my school life at Magnolia began. It seemed as if all +the threads of my life there were in a hurry to get into my hand. Ah! +I had a handful soon! But this was the fashion of my first day with my +governess. All the days were not quite so bad; however, it gave the +key of them all.</p> + +<p>Miss Pinshon bade me come with her to the room she and my aunt had +agreed should be the schoolroom. It was the back room of the house, +though it had hardly books enough to be called a library. It had been +the study or private room of my grandfather; there was a +leather-covered table with an old bronze standish; some plain +bookcases; a large escritoire; a terrestrial globe; a thermometer and +a barometer; and the rest of the furniture was an abundance of +chintz-covered chairs and lounges. These were very easy and pleasant +for use; and long windows opening on the verandah looked off among the +evergreen oaks and their floating grey drapery; the light in the room +and the whole aspect of it was agreeable. If Miss Pinshon had not been +there! But she was there, with a terrible air of business; setting one +or two chairs in certain positions by a window, and handing one or two +books on the table. I stood meek and helpless, expectant.</p> + +<p>"Have you read any history, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>I said no; then I said yes, I had; a little.</p> + +<p>"What?"</p> + +<p>"A little of the history of England last summer."</p> + +<p>"Not of your own country?"</p> + +<p>"No, ma'am."<!-- Page 53 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span></p> + +<p>"And no ancient history?"</p> + +<p>"No, ma'am."</p> + +<p>"You know nothing of the division of the nations, of course?"</p> + +<p>I answered, nothing. I had no idea what she meant; except that +England, and America, and France, were different, and of course +divided. Of Peleg the son of Eber and the brother of Joktan, I then +knew nothing.</p> + +<p>"And arithmetic is something you do not understand," pursued Miss +Pinshon. "Come here, and let me see how you can write."</p> + +<p>With trembling, stiff little fingers—I feel them yet—I wrote some +lines under my governess's eye.</p> + +<p>"Very unformed," was her comment. "And now, Daisy, you may sit down +there in the window and study the multiplication table. See how much +of it you can get this morning."</p> + +<p>Was it to be a morning's work? My heart was heavy as lead. At this +hour, at Melbourne, my task would have been to get my flat hat and +rush out among the beds of flowers; and a little later, to have up +Loupe and go driving whither I would, among the meadows and +cornfields. Ah, yes; and there was Molly who might be taught, and +Juanita who might be visited; and Dr. Sandford who might come like a +pleasant gale of wind into the midst of whatever I was about. I did +not stop to think of them now, though a waft of the sunny air through +the open window brought a violent rush of such images. I tried to shut +them out of my head and gave myself wistfully to "three times one is +three; three times two is six." Miss Pinshon helped me by closing the +window. I thought she might have let so much sweetness as that come +into the multiplication table. However I studied its threes and fours +steadily for some time; then my<!-- Page 54 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span> attention flagged. It was very +uninteresting. I had never in all my life till then been obliged to +study what gave me no pleasure. My mind wandered, and then my eyes +wandered, to where the sunlight lay so golden under the live oaks. The +wreaths of grey moss stirred gently with the wind. I longed to be out +there. Miss Pinshon's voice startled me.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, where are your thoughts?"</p> + +<p>I hastily brought my eyes and wits home and answered, "Out upon the +lawn, ma'am."</p> + +<p>"Do you find the multiplication table there?"</p> + +<p>It was so needless to answer! I was mute. I would have come to the +rash conclusion that nature and mathematics had nothing to do with +each other.</p> + +<p>"You must learn to command your attention," my governess went on. "You +must not let it wander. That is the first lesson you have to learn. I +shall give you mathematics till you have learnt it. You can do nothing +without attention."</p> + +<p>I bent myself to the threes and fours again. But I was soon weary; my +mind escaped; and without turning my eyes off my book, it swept over +the distance between Magnolia and Melbourne, and sat down by Molly +Skelton to help her in getting her letters. It was done and I was +there. I could hear the hesitating utterances; I could see the dull +finger tracing its way along the lines. And then would come the +reading <i>to</i> Molly, and the interested look of waiting attention, and +once in a while the strange softening of the poor hard face. From +there my mind went off to the people around me at Magnolia; were there +some to be taught here perhaps? and could I get at them? and was there +no other way—could it be there was no other way but by my weak little +voice—through which some of them were ever<!-- Page 55 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span> to learn about my dear +Saviour? I had got very far from mathematics, and my book fell. I +heard Miss Pinshon's voice.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, come here."</p> + +<p>I obeyed and came to the table, where my governess was installed in +the leather chair of my grandfather. She always used it.</p> + +<p>"I should like to know what you are doing."</p> + +<p>"I was thinking," I said.</p> + +<p>"Did I give you thinking to do?"</p> + +<p>"No, ma'am; not of that kind."</p> + +<p>"What kind was it?"</p> + +<p>"I was thinking, and remembering——"</p> + +<p>"Pray what were you remembering?"</p> + +<p>"Things at home—and other things."</p> + +<p>"Things and things," said Miss Pinshon. "That is not a very elegant +way of speaking. Let me hear how much you have learned."</p> + +<p>I began. About all of the "threes" was on my tongue; the rest had got +mixed up hopelessly with Molly Skelton and teaching Bible reading. +Miss Pinshon was not pleased.</p> + +<p>"You must learn attention," she said. "I can do nothing with you until +you have succeeded in that. You <i>must</i> attend. Now I shall give you a +motive for minding what you are about. Go and sit down again and study +this table till you know the threes and the fours and the fives and +the sixes, perfectly. Go and sit down."</p> + +<p>I sat down, and the life was all out of me. Tears in the first place +had a great mind to come, and would put themselves between me and the +figures in the multiplication table. I governed them back after a +while. But I could not study to purpose. I<!-- Page 56 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span> was tired and +down-spirited; I had not energy left to spring to my task and +accomplish it. Over and over again I tried to put the changes of the +numbers in my head; it seemed like writing them in sand. My memory +would not take hold of them; could not keep them; with all my trying I +grew only more and more stupefied and fagged, and less capable of +doing what I had to do. So dinner came, and Miss Pinshon said I might +get myself ready for dinner and after dinner come back again to my +lesson. The lesson must be finished before anything else was done.</p> + +<p>I had no appetite. Preston was in a fume of vexation, partly aroused +by my looks, partly by hearing that I was not yet free. He was enraged +beyond prudent speaking, but Miss Pinshon never troubled herself about +his words; and when the first and second courses were removed, told me +I might go to my work. Preston called me to stay and have some fruit; +but I went on to the study, not caring for fruit or for anything else. +I felt very dull and miserable. Then I remembered that my governess +probably did care for some fruit and would be delayed a little while; +and then I tried what is the best preparation for study or anything +else. I got down on my knees, to ask that help which is as willingly +given to a child in her troubles as to the general of an army. I +prayed that I might be patient and obedient and take disagreeable +things pleasantly and do my duty in the multiplication table. And a +breath of rest came over my heart, and a sort of perfume of remembered +things which I had forgotten; and it quite changed the multiplication +table to think that God had given it to me to learn, and so that some +good would certainly come of learning it; at least the good of +pleasing Him. As long as I dared I stayed on my knees; then I was +strong for the fives and sixes.<!-- Page 57 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span></p> + +<p>But it was not quick work; and though my patience did not flag again +nor my attention fail, the afternoon was well on the way before I was +dismissed. I had then permission to do what I liked. Miss Pinshon said +she would not go to walk that day; I might follow my own pleasure.</p> + +<p>I must have been very tired; for it seemed to me there was hardly any +pleasure left to follow. I got my flat and went out. The sun was +westing; the shadows stretched among the evergreen oaks; the outer air +was sweet. I had tried to find Preston first, in the house; but he was +not to be found; and all alone I went out into the sunshine. It wooed +me on. Sunshine and I were always at home together. Without knowing +that I wanted to go anywhere, some secret attraction drew my steps +towards the dell where I had seen Darry. I followed one of several +well-beaten paths that led towards the quarters through the trees, and +presently came out upon the stables again. All along the dell the +sunshine poured. The ground was kept like a pleasure ground, it was so +neat; the grass was as clean as the grass of a park; the little stone +houses scattered away down towards the river, with shade trees among +them, and oaks lining the sides of the dell. I thought surely Magnolia +was a lovely place! if only my father and mother had been there. But +then, seeing the many cottages, my trouble of the morning pressed upon +me afresh. So many people, so many homes, and the light of the Bible +not on them, nor in them? And, child as I was, and little as I knew, I +knew the name of Christ too unspeakably precious, for me to think +without a sore heart, and all these people were without what was the +jewel of my life. And they my mother's servants! my father's +dependants! What could I do?</p> + +<p>The dell was alone in the yellow sunlight which poured over<!-- Page 58 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span> the slope +from the west: and I went musing on till getting to the corner of the +stables I saw Darry just round the corner grooming a black horse. He +was working energetically, and humming to himself as he worked a +refrain which I learned afterwards to know well. All I could make out +was, "I'm going home"—several times repeated. I came near before he +saw me, and he started; then bid me good evening and "hoped I found +Magnolia a pleasant place."</p> + +<p>Since I have grown older I have read that wonderful story of Mrs. +Stowe's Uncle Tom; he reminded me of Darry then, and now I never think +of the one without thinking of the other. But Darry, having served a +different class of people from Uncle Tom's first owners, had a more +polished style of manners, which I should almost call courtly; and he +was besides a man of higher natural parts, and somewhat more +education. But much commerce in the Court which is above all earthly +dignities, no doubt had more to do with his peculiarities than any +other cause.</p> + +<p>I asked him what he was singing about home? and where his home was? He +turned his face full upon me, letting me see how grave and gentle his +eye was, and at the same time there was a wistful expression in it +that I felt.</p> + +<p>"Home ain't nowheres here, missie," he said. "I'm 'spectin' to go by +and by."</p> + +<p>"Do you mean home up <i>there</i>?" said I, lifting my finger towards the +sky. Darry fairly laughed.</p> + +<p>"'Spect don't want no other home, missie. Heaven good enough."</p> + +<p>I stood watching him as he rubbed down the black horse, feeling surely +that he and I would be friends.</p> + +<p>"Where is your home here, Darry?"<!-- Page 59 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I got a place down there, little missie—not fur."</p> + +<p>"When you have done that horse, will you show me your place? I want to +see where you live."</p> + +<p>"Missie want to see Darry's house?" said he, showing his white teeth. +"Missie shall see what she mind to. I allus keeps Sadler till the +last, 'cause he's ontractable."</p> + +<p>The black horse was put in the stable, and I followed my black groom +down among the lines of stone huts to which the working parties had +not yet returned. Darry's house was one of the lowest in the dell, out +of the quadrangle, and had a glimpse of the river. It stood alone in a +pretty place, but something about it did not satisfy me. It looked +square and bare. The stone walls within were rough as the stone-layer +had left them; one little four-paned window, or rather casement, stood +open; and the air was sweet; for Darry kept his place scrupulously +neat and clean. But there was not much to be kept. A low bedstead; a +wooden chest; an odd table made of a piece of board on three legs; a +shelf with some kitchen ware; that was all the furniture. On the odd +table there lay a Bible, that had, I saw, been turned over many a +time.</p> + +<p>"Then you can read, Uncle Darry?" I said, pitching on the only thing +that pleased me.</p> + +<p>"De good Lord, He give me dat happiness," the man answered gravely.</p> + +<p>"And you love Jesus, Darry," I said, feeling that we had better come +to an understanding as soon as possible. His answer was an energetic—</p> + +<p>"Bress de Lord! Do Miss Daisy love Him, den?"</p> + +<p>I would have said yes; I did say yes, I believe; but I did not know +how or why, at this question there seemed a coming<!-- Page 60 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span> together of +gladness and pain which took away my breath. My head dropped on +Darry's little window-sill, and my tears rushed forth, like the head +of water behind a broken mill-dam. Darry was startled and greatly +concerned. He wanted to know if I was not well—if I would send him +for "su'thing"—I could only shake my head and weep. I think Darry was +the only creature at Magnolia before whom I would have so broken down. +But somehow I felt safe with Darry. The tears cleared away from my +voice after a little; and I went on with my inquiries again. It was a +good chance.</p> + +<p>"Uncle Darry, does no one else but you read the Bible?"</p> + +<p>He looked dark and troubled. "Missie sees—de folks for most part got +no learning. Dey no read, sure."</p> + +<p>"Do you read the Bible to them, Darry?"</p> + +<p>"Miss Daisy knows, dere ain't no great time. Dey's in the field all +day, most days, and dey hab no time for to hear."</p> + +<p>"But Sundays?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Do try," he said, looking graver yet. "Me do 'tempt su'thing. But +missie knows, de Sabbat' be de only day de people hab, and dey tink +mostly of oder tings."</p> + +<p>"And there is no church for you all to go to?"</p> + +<p>"No, missis; no church."</p> + +<p>There was a sad tone in his answer. I did not know how to go on. I +turned to something else.</p> + +<p>"Uncle Darry, I don't think your home looks very comfortable."</p> + +<p>Darry almost laughed at that. He said it was good enough; would last +very well a little while longer. I insisted that it was not +<i>comfortable</i>. It was cold.</p> + +<p>"Sun warm, Miss Daisy. De good Lord, He make His sun warm. And dere be +fires enough."<!-- Page 61 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span></p> + +<p>"But it is very empty," I said. "You want something more in it, to +make it look nice."</p> + +<p>"It never empty, Miss Daisy, when de Lord Hisself be here. And He not +leave His chil'n alone. Miss Daisy know dat?"</p> + +<p>I stretched forth my little hand and laid it in Darry's great black +palm. There was an absolute confidence established between us.</p> + +<p>"Uncle Darry," I said, "I <i>do</i> love Him—but sometimes, I want to see +papa!——"</p> + +<p>And therewith my self-command was almost gone. I stood with full eyes +and quivering lips, my hand still in Darry's, who on his part was +speechless with sympathy.</p> + +<p>"De time pass quick, and Miss Daisy see her pa'," he said at last.</p> + +<p>I did not think the time passed quick. I said so.</p> + +<p>"Do little missie ask de Lord for help?" Darry said, his eyes by this +time as watery as mine. "Do Miss Daisy know, it nebber lonesome where +de Lord be? He so good."</p> + +<p>I could not stand any more. I pulled away my hand and stood still, +looking out of the window and seeing nothing, till I could make myself +quiet. Then I changed the subject and told Darry I should like to go +and see some of the other houses again. I know now, I can see, looking +back, how my childish self-control and reserve made some of those +impulsive natures around me regard me with something like worshipful +reverence. I felt it then, without thinking of it or reasoning about +it. From Darry, and from Margaret, and from Mammy Theresa, and from +several others, I had a loving, tender reverence, which not only felt +for me as a sorrowful child, but bowed before me as something of +higher and stronger nature than themselves. Darry<!-- Page 62 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span> silently attended +me now from house to house of the quarters; introducing and explaining +and doing all he could to make my progress interesting and amusing. +Interested I was; but most certainly not amused. I did not like the +look of things any better than I had done at first. The places were +not "nice;" there was a coarse, uncared-for air of everything within, +although the outside was in such well-dressed condition. No litter on +the grass, no untidiness of walls or chimneys; and no seeming of +comfortable homes when the door was opened. The village, for it +amounted to that, was almost deserted at that hour; only a few +crooning old women on the sunny side of a wall, and a few half-grown +girls, and a quantity of little children, depending for all the care +they got upon one or the other of these.</p> + +<p>"Haven't all these little babies got mothers!" I asked.</p> + +<p>"For sure, Miss Daisy—dey's got modders."</p> + +<p>"Where <i>are</i> the mothers of all these babies, Darry?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Dey's in de field, Miss Daisy. Home d'rectly."</p> + +<p>"Are they working like <i>men</i> in the fields!" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Dey's all at work," said Darry.</p> + +<p>"Do they do the same work as the men?"</p> + +<p>"All alike, Miss Daisy." Darry's answers were not hearty.</p> + +<p>"But don't their little babies want them?" said I, looking at a group +of girls in whose hands were some very little babies indeed. I think +Darry made me no answer.</p> + +<p>"But if the men and women both work out," I went on, "papa must give +them a great deal of money; I should think they would have things more +comfortable, Darry. Why don't they have little carpets, and tables and +chairs, and cups and saucers? Hardly anybody has teacups and saucers. +Have <i>you</i> got any, Uncle Darry?"<!-- Page 63 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span></p> + +<p>"'Spect I'se no good woman to brew de tea for her ole man," said +Darry; but I thought he looked at me very oddly.</p> + +<p>"Couldn't you make it for yourself, Uncle Darry?"</p> + +<p>"Poor folks don't live just like de rich folks," he answered, quietly, +after a minute's pause. "And I don't count fur to want no good t'ing, +missie."</p> + +<p>I went on with my observations; my questions I thought I would not +push any further at that time. I grew more and more dissatisfied, that +my father's work-people should live in no better style and in no +better comfort. Even Molly Skelton had a furnished and appointed +house, compared with these little bare stone huts; and mothers that +would leave their babies for the sake of more wages, must, I thought, +be very barbarous mothers. This was all because, no doubt, of having +no church and no Bible. I grew weary. As we were going up the dell +towards the stables, I suddenly remembered my pony; and I asked to see +him.</p> + +<p>Darry was much relieved, I fancy, to have me come back to a child's +sphere of action. He had out the fat little grey pony, and talked it +over to me with great zeal. It came into my head to ask for a saddle.</p> + +<p>"Dere be a saddle," Darry said, doubtfully. "Massa Preston he done got +a saddle dis very day. Dunno where Massa Preston can be."</p> + +<p>I did not heed this. I begged to have the saddle and be allowed to try +the pony. Now Preston had laid a plan that nobody but himself should +have the pleasure of first mounting me; but I did not know of this +plan. Darry hesitated, I saw, but he had not the power to refuse me. +The saddle was brought out, put on, and carefully arranged.<!-- Page 64 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Uncle Darry, I want to get on him—may I?"</p> + +<p>"O' course—Miss Daisy do what she mind to. Him bery good, only some +lazy."</p> + +<p>So I was mounted. Preston, Miss Pinshon, the servants' quarters, the +multiplication table, all were forgotten and lost in a misty distance. +I was in the saddle for the first time, and delight held me by both +hands. My first moment on horseback! If Darry had guessed it he would +have been terribly concerned; but as it happened, I knew how to take +my seat; I had watched my mother so often mounting her horse that +every detail was familiar to me; and Darry naturally supposed I knew +what I was about after I was in my seat. The reins were a little +confusing; however, the pony walked off lazily with me to the head of +the glen, and I thought he was an improvement upon the old pony +chaise. Finding myself coming out upon the avenue, which I did not +wish, it became necessary to get at the practical use of the bridle. I +was at some pains to do it; finally I managed to turn the pony's head +round, and we walked back in the same sober style we had come up. +Darry stood by the stables, smiling and watching me; down among the +quarters the children and old people turned out to look after me; I +walked down as far as Darry's house, turned and came back again. Darry +stood ready to help me to dismount; but it was too pleasant. I went on +to the avenue. Just as I turned there, I caught, as it seemed to me, a +glimpse of two ladies, coming towards me from the house. Involuntarily +I gave a sharper pull at the bridle, and I suppose touched the pony's +shoulder with the switch Darry had put into my hand. The touch so woke +him up, that he shook off his laziness and broke into a short +galloping canter to go back to the stables. This was a new<!-- Page 65 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span> +experience. I thought for the first minute that I certainly should be +thrown off; I seemed to have no hold of anything, and I was tossed up +and down on my saddle in the way that boded a landing on the ground +every next time.</p> + +<p>I was not timid with animals, whatever might be true of me in other +relations. My first comfort was finding that I did <i>not</i> fall off; +then I took heart and settled myself in the saddle more securely, gave +myself to the motion, and began to think I should like it by and by. +Nevertheless, for this time I was willing to stop at the stables; but +the pony had only just found how good it was to be moving, and he went +by at full canter. Down the dell, through the quarters, past the +cottages, till I saw Darry's house ahead of me, and began to think how +I <i>should</i> get round again. At that pace I could not. Could I stop the +fellow? I tried, but there was not much strength in my arms; one or +two pulls did no good, and one or two pulls more did no good; pony +cantered on, and I saw we were making straight for the river. I knew +that I <i>must</i> stop him; I threw so much good-will into the handling of +my reins that, to my joy, the pony paused, let himself be turned about +placidly, and took up his leisurely walk again. But now I was in a +hurry, wanting to be dismounted before anybody should come; and I was +a little triumphant, having kept my seat and turned my horse. +Moreover, the walk was not good after that stirring canter. I would +try it again. But it took a little earnestness now and more than one +touch of my whip before the pony would mind me. Then he obeyed in good +style and we cantered quietly up to where Darry was waiting. The thing +was done. The pony and I had come to an understanding. I was a rider +from that time, without fear or uncertainty. The first gentle pull on +the bridle was obeyed and I came to a stop in front of Darry and my +cousin Preston.<!-- Page 66 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span></p> + +<p>I have spent a great deal of time to tell of my ride. Yet not more +than its place in my life then deserved. It was my last half hour of +pleasure for I think many a day. I had cantered up the slope, all +fresh in mind and body, excited and glad with my achievement and with +the pleasure of brisk motion; I had forgotten everybody and everything +disagreeable, or what I did not forget I disregarded; but just before +I stopped I saw what sent another thrill than that of pleasure +tingling through all my veins. I saw Preston, who had but a moment +before reached the stables, I saw him lift his hand with a light +riding switch he carried, and drew the switch across Darry's mouth. I +shall never forget the coloured man's face, as he stepped back a pace +or two. I understood it afterwards; I <i>felt</i> it then. There was no +resentment; there was no fire of anger, which I should have expected; +there was no manly and no stolid disregard of what had been done. +There was instead a slight smile, which to this day I cannot bear to +recall; it spoke so much of patient and helpless humiliation; as of +one wincing at the galling of a sore and trying not to show he winced. +Preston took me off my horse, and began to speak. I turned away from +him to Darry, who now held two horses, Preston having just dismounted; +and I thanked him for my pleasure, throwing into my manner all the +studied courtesy I could. Then I walked up the dell beside Preston, +without looking at him.</p> + +<p>Preston scolded. He had prepared a surprise for me, and was excited by +his disappointment at my mounting without him. Of course I had not +known that; and Darry, who was in the secret, had not known how to +refuse. I gave Preston no answer to his charges and reproaches. At +last I said I was tired and I wished he would not talk.<!-- Page 67 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Tired! you are something besides tired," he said.</p> + +<p>"I suppose I am," I answered with great deliberation.</p> + +<p>He was eager to know what it was; but then we came out upon the avenue +and were met flush by my aunt and Miss Pinshon. My aunt inquired, and +Preston, who was by no means cool yet, accused me about the doings of +the afternoon. I scarcely heeded one or the other; but I did feel Miss +Pinshon's taking my hand and leading me home all the rest of the way. +It was not that I wanted to talk to Preston, for I was not ready to +talk to him; but this holding me like a little child was excessively +distasteful to my habit of freedom. My governess would not loose her +clasp when we got to the house; but kept fast hold and led me upstairs +to my own room.<!-- Page 68 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + +<h3>SEVEN HUNDRED PEOPLE.</h3> + +<p class="cap">DO you think that was a proper thing to do, Daisy?" my governess +asked when she released me.</p> + +<p>"What thing, ma'am?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"To tear about on that great grey pony."</p> + +<p>"Yes, ma'am," I said.</p> + +<p>"You think it <i>was</i> proper?" said Miss Pinshon, coolly. "Whom had you +with you?"</p> + +<p>"Nobody was riding with me."</p> + +<p>"Your cousin was there?"</p> + +<p>"No, ma'am."</p> + +<p>"Who then?"</p> + +<p>"I had Uncle Darry. I was only riding up and down the dell."</p> + +<p>"The coachman! And were you riding up and through the quarters all the +afternoon?"</p> + +<p>"No, ma'am."</p> + +<p>"What were you doing the rest of the time?"<!-- Page 69 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I was going about——" I hesitated.</p> + +<p>"About where?"</p> + +<p>"Through the place there."</p> + +<p>"The quarters? Well, you think it proper amusement for your mother's +daughter? You are not to make companions of the servants, Daisy. You +are not to go to the quarters without my permission, and I shall not +give it frequently. Now get yourself ready for tea."</p> + +<p>I did feel as if Preston's prophecy were coming true and I in a way to +be gradually petrified; some slow, chill work of that kind seemed +already to be going on. But a little thing soon stirred all the life +there was in me. Miss Pinshon stepped to the door which led from her +room into mine, unlocked it, took out the key, and put it on her own +side of the door. I sprang forward at that, with a word, I do not know +what; and my governess turned her lustrous, unmoved eyes calmly upon +me. I remember now how deadening their look was, in their very lustre +and moveless calm. I begged however for a reversal of her last +proceeding; I wanted my door locked sometimes, I said.</p> + +<p>"You can lock the other door."</p> + +<p>"But I want both locked."</p> + +<p>"I do not. This door remains open, Daisy. I must come in here when I +please. Now make haste and get ready."</p> + +<p>I had no time for anything but to obey. I went downstairs, I think, +like a machine; my body obeying certain laws, while my mind and spirit +were scarcely present. I suppose I behaved myself as usual; save that +I would have nothing to do with Preston, nor would I receive anything +whatever at the table from his hand. This, however, was known only to +him and me. I said nothing; not the less every word that others said +fastened itself in my memory. I was like a person dreaming.<!-- Page 70 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You have just tired yourself with mounting that wild thing, Daisy," +said my Aunt Gary.</p> + +<p>"Wild!" said Preston. "About as wild as a tame sloth."</p> + +<p>"I always heard that was very wild indeed," said Miss Pinshon. "The +sloth cannot be tamed, can it?"</p> + +<p>"Being stupid already, I suppose not," said Preston.</p> + +<p>"Daisy looks pale at any rate," said my aunt.</p> + +<p>"A little overdone," said Miss Pinshon. "She wants regular exercise; +but irregular exercise is very trying to any but a strong person. I +think Daisy will be stronger in a few weeks."</p> + +<p>"What sort of exercise do you think will be good for her, ma'am?" +Preston said, with an expression out of all keeping with his words, it +was so fierce.</p> + +<p>"I shall try different sorts," my governess answered, composedly. +"Exercise of patience is a very good thing, Master Gary. I think +gymnastics will be useful for Daisy too. I shall try them."</p> + +<p>"That is what I have often said to my sister," said Aunt Gary. "I have +no doubt that sort of training would establish Daisy's strength more +than anything in the world. She just wants that to develop her and +bring out the muscles."</p> + +<p>Preston almost groaned; pushed his chair from the table, and I knew +sat watching me. I would give him no opportunity, for <i>my</i> opportunity +I could not have then. I kept quiet till the ladies moved; I moved +with them; and sat all the evening abstracted in my own meditations, +without paying Preston any attention; feeling indeed very old and +grey, as no doubt I looked. When I was ordered to bed Miss Pinshon +desired I would hold no conversation with anybody. Whereupon Preston +took my candle and boldly marched out of the room with me. When we +were<!-- Page 71 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span> upstairs he tried to make me disobey my orders. He declared I +was turning to stone already; he said a great many hard words against +my governess; threatened he would write to my father; and when he +could not prevail to make me talk, dashed off passionately and left +me. I went trembling into my room. But my refuge there was gone. I had +fallen upon evil times. My door must not be locked, and Miss Pinshon +might come in any minute. I could not pray. I undressed and went to +bed; and lay there, waiting, all things in order, till my governess +looked in. Then the door was closed, and I heard her steps moving +about in her room. I lay and listened. At last the door was softly set +open again; and then after a few minutes the sound of regular slow +breathing proclaimed that those wide-open black eyes were really +closed for the night. I got up, went to my governess's door and +listened. She was sleeping profoundly. I laid hold of the handle of +the door and drew it towards me; pulled out the key softly, put it in +my own side of the lock and shut the door. And after all I was afraid +to turn the key. The wicked sound of the lock might enter those +sleeping ears. But the door was closed; and I went to my old place, +the open window. It was not my window at Melbourne, with balmy summer +air, and the dewy scent of the honeysuckle coming up, and the +moonlight flooding all the world beneath me. But neither was it in the +regions of the North. The night was still and mild, if not balmy; and +the stars were brilliant; and the evergreen oaks were masses of dark +shadow all over the lawn. I do not think I saw them at first; for my +look was up to the sky, where the stars shone down to greet me, and +where it was furthest from all the troubles on the surface of the +earth; and with one thought of the Friend up there, who does not +forget the troubles of even His little<!-- Page 72 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span> children, the barrier in my +heart gave way, my tears gushed forth; my head lay on the window-sill +at Magnolia, more hopelessly than in my childish sorrow it had ever +lain at Melbourne. I kept my sobs quiet; I must; but they were deep, +heartbreaking sobs, for a long time.</p> + +<p>Prayer got its chance after a while. I had a great deal to pray for; +it seemed to my child's heart now and then as if it could hardly bear +its troubles. And very much I felt I wanted patience and wisdom. I +thought there was a great deal to do, even for my little hands; and +promise of great hindrance and opposition. And the only one pleasant +thing I could think of in my new life at Magnolia, was that I might +tell of the truth to those poor people who lived in the negro +quarters.</p> + +<p>Why I did not make myself immediately ill, with my night's vigils and +sorrow, I cannot tell; unless it were that great excitement kept off +the effects of chill air and damp. However, the excitement had its own +effects, and my eyes were sadly heavy when they opened the next +morning to look at Margaret lighting my fire.</p> + +<p>"Margaret," I said, "shut Miss Pinshon's door, will you?"</p> + +<p>She obeyed, and then turning to look at me, exclaimed that I was not +well.</p> + +<p>"Did you say you could not read, Margaret?" was my answer.</p> + +<p>"Read! no, missis. Guess readin' ain't no good for servants. Seems +like Miss Daisy ain't lookin' peart this mornin'."</p> + +<p>"Would you <i>like</i> to read?"</p> + +<p>"Reckon don't care about it, Miss Daisy. Where'd us get books, most +likely?"</p> + +<p>I said I would get the books; but Margaret turned to the<!-- Page 73 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span> fire and +made me no answer. I heard her mutter some ejaculation.</p> + +<p>"Because, Margaret, don't you know," I said, raising myself on my +elbow, "God would like to have you learn to read, so that you might +know the Bible and come to heaven."</p> + +<p>"Reckon folks ain't a heap better that knows the Bible," said the +girl. "'Pears as if it don't make no difference. Ain't nobody good in +<i>this</i> place, 'cept Uncle Darry."</p> + +<p>"In another minute I was out of bed and standing before the fire, my +hand on her shoulder. I told her I wanted <i>her</i> to be good too, and +that Jesus would make her good, if she would let Him. Margaret gave me +a hasty look and then finished her fire making; but to my great +astonishment, a few minutes after, I saw that the tears were running +down the girl's face. It astonished me so much that I said no more; +and Margaret was as silent, only dressed me with the greatest +attention and tenderness.</p> + +<p>"Ye want your breakfast bad, Miss Daisy," she remarked then in a +subdued tone; and I suppose my looks justified her words. They created +some excitement when I went downstairs. My aunt exclaimed; Miss +Pinshon inquired; Preston inveighed, at things in general. He wanted +to get me by myself, I knew, but he had no chance. Immediately after +breakfast Miss Pinshon took possession of me.</p> + +<p>The day was less weary than the day before, only I think because I was +tired beyond impatience or nervous excitement. Not much was done; for +though I was very willing I had very little power. But the +multiplication table, Miss Pinshon said, was easy work; and at that +and reading and writing, the morning crept away. My hand was +trembling, my voice was faint, my memory grasped nothing so clearly as +Margaret's tears that<!-- Page 74 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span> morning, and Preston's behaviour the preceding +day. My cheeks were pale, of course. Miss Pinshon said we would begin +to set that right with a walk after dinner.</p> + +<p>The walk was had; but with my hand clasped in Miss Pinshon's I only +wished myself at home all the way. At home again, after a while of +lying down to rest, I was tried with a beginning of calisthenics. A +trial it was to me. The exercises, directed and overseen by Miss +Pinshon, seemed to me simply intolerable, a weariness beyond all other +weariness. Even the multiplication table I liked better. Miss Pinshon +was tired perhaps herself at last. She let me go.</p> + +<p>It was towards the end of the day. With no life left in me for +anything, I strolled out into the sunshine: aimlessly at first; then +led by a secret inclination I hardly knew or questioned, my steps +slowly made their way round by the avenue to the stables. Darry was +busy there as I had found him yesterday. He looked hard at me as I +came up; and asked me earnestly how I felt that afternoon? I told him +I was tired; and then I sat down on a huge log which lay there and +watched him at his work. By turns I watched the sunlight streaming +along the turf and lighting the foliage of the trees on the other side +of the dell; looking in a kind of dream, as if I were not Daisy nor +this Magnolia in any reality. I suddenly started and awoke to +realities as Darry began to sing,—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i6">"My Father's house is built on high,<br /></span> +<span class="i65">Far, far above the starry sky;</span><br /> +<span class="i65">And though like Lazarus sick and poor,</span><br /> +<span class="i65">My heavenly mansion is secure.</span><br /> +<span class="i115">I'm going home,—</span><br /> +<span class="i115">I'm going home,—</span><br /> +<span class="i115">I'm going home</span><br /> +<span class="i135">To die no more!</span><br /> +<span class="i115">To die no more—</span><br /> +<span class="i115">To die no more—</span><br /> +<span class="i115">I'm going home</span><br /> +<span class="i135">To die no more!"</span><br /> +</div></div> + +<p><!-- Page 75 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span> +The word "home" at the end of each line was dwelt upon in a prolonged +sonorous note. It filled my ear with its melodious, plaintive breath +of repose; it rested and soothed me. I was listening in a sort of +trance, when another sound at my side both stopped the song and quite +broke up the effect. It was Preston's voice. Now for it. He was all +ready for a fight, and I felt miserably battered and shaken and unfit +to fight anything.</p> + +<p>"What are you doing here, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"I am doing nothing," I said.</p> + +<p>"It is almost tea-time. Hadn't you better be walking home, before +Medusa comes looking out for you?"</p> + +<p>I rose up, and bade Uncle Darry good-night.</p> + +<p>"Good-night, missis," he said heartily, "and de morning dat hab no +night, for my dear little missis, by'm by."</p> + +<p>I gave him my hand, and walked on.</p> + +<p>"Stuff!" muttered Preston, by my side.</p> + +<p>"You will not think it 'stuff' when the time comes," I said, no doubt +very gravely. Then Preston burst out.</p> + +<p>"I only wish Aunt Felicia was here! You will spoil these people, +Daisy, that's one thing, or you would if you were older. As it is, you +are spoiling yourself."</p> + +<p>I made no answer. He went on with other angry and excited words, +wishing to draw me out, perhaps; but I was in no mood to talk to +Preston in any tone but one. I went steadily and slowly on, without +even turning my head to look at him. I had hardly life enough to talk +to him in <i>that</i> tone.</p> + +<p>"Will you tell me what is the matter with you?" he said, at last, very +impatiently.<!-- Page 76 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I am tired, I think."</p> + +<p>"Think? Medusa is stiffening the life out of you. <i>Think</i> you are +tired! You are tired to death; but that is not all. What ails you?"</p> + +<p>"I do not think anything ails me."</p> + +<p>"What ails <i>me</i>, then? What is the matter? What makes you act so? +Speak, Daisy—you must speak!"</p> + +<p>I turned about and faced him, and I know I did not speak then as a +child, but with a gravity befitting fifty years.</p> + +<p>"Preston, did you strike Uncle Darry yesterday?"</p> + +<p>"Pooh!" said Preston. But I stood and waited for his answer.</p> + +<p>"Nonsense, Daisy!" he said again.</p> + +<p>"What is nonsense?"</p> + +<p>"Why, <i>you</i>. What are you talking about?"</p> + +<p>"I asked you a question."</p> + +<p>"A ridiculous question. You are just absurd."</p> + +<p>"Will you please to answer it?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know whether I will. What have you to do with it?"</p> + +<p>"In the first place, Preston, Darry is not your servant."</p> + +<p>"Upon my word!" said Preston. "But yes, he is; for mamma is regent +here now. He must do what I order him anyhow."</p> + +<p>"And then, Preston, Darry is better than you, and will not defend +himself; and somebody ought to defend him; and there is nobody but +me."</p> + +<p>"Defend himself!" echoed Preston.</p> + +<p>"Yes. You insulted him yesterday."</p> + +<p>"Insulted him!"</p> + +<p>"You know you did. You know, Preston, some men would<!-- Page 77 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span> not have borne +it. If Darry had been like some men, he would have knocked you down."</p> + +<p>"Knocked me down!" cried Preston. "The sneaking old scoundrel! He +knows that I would shoot him if he did."</p> + +<p>"I am speaking seriously, Preston. It is no use to talk that way."</p> + +<p>"I am speaking very seriously," said my cousin. "I would shoot him, +upon my honour."</p> + +<p>"Shoot him!"</p> + +<p>"Certainly."</p> + +<p>"What right have you to shoot a man for doing no worse than you do? I +would <i>rather</i> somebody would knock me down, than do what you did +yesterday." And my heart swelled within me.</p> + +<p>"Come, Daisy, be a little sensible!" said Preston, who was in a fume +of impatience. "Do you think there is no difference between me and an +old nigger?"</p> + +<p>"A great deal of difference," I said. "He is old and good; and you are +young, and I wish you were as good as Darry. And then he can't help +himself without perhaps losing his place, no matter how you insult +him. I think it is cowardly."</p> + +<p>"Insult!" said Preston. "Lose his place! Heavens and earth, Daisy! are +you such a simpleton?"</p> + +<p>"You insulted him badly yesterday. I wondered how he bore it of you; +only Darry is a Christian."</p> + +<p>"A fiddlestick!" said Preston impatiently. "He knows he must bear +whatever I choose to give him; and therein he is wiser than you are."</p> + +<p>"Because he is a Christian," said I.</p> + +<p>"I don't know whether he is a Christian or not; and it is nothing to +the purpose. I don't care what he is."<!-- Page 78 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Oh, Preston! he is a good man—he is a servant of God; he will wear a +crown of gold in heaven; and you have dared to touch him."</p> + +<p>"Why, hoity, toity!" said Preston, "what concern of mine is all that! +All I know is, that he did not do what I ordered him."</p> + +<p>"What did you order him?"</p> + +<p>"I ordered him not to show you the saddle I had got for you, till I +was here. I was going to surprise you. I am provoked at him!"</p> + +<p>"I am surprised," I said. But feeling how little I prevailed with +Preston, and being weak in body as well as mind, I could not keep back +the tears. I began to walk on again, though they blinded me.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, don't be foolish. If Darry is to wear two crowns in the other +world, he is a servant in this, all the same; and he must do his +duty."</p> + +<p>"I asked for the saddle," I said.</p> + +<p>"Why, Daisy, Daisy!" Preston exclaimed, "don't be such a child. You +know nothing about it. I didn't touch Darry to hurt him."</p> + +<p>"It was a sort of hurt that if he had not been a Christian he would +have made you sorry for."</p> + +<p>"He knows I would shoot him if he did," said Preston coolly.</p> + +<p>"Preston, don't speak so!" I pleaded.</p> + +<p>"It is the simple truth. Why shouldn't I speak it?"</p> + +<p>"You do not mean that you would do it?" I said, scarce opening my eyes +to the reality of what he said.</p> + +<p>"I give you my word, I do. If one of these black fellows laid a hand +on me I would put a bullet through him, as quick as a partridge."<!-- Page 79 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span></p> + +<p>"But then you would be a murderer," said I. The ground seemed taken +away from under my feet. We were standing still now, and facing each +other.</p> + +<p>"No, I shouldn't," said Preston. "The law takes better care of us than +that."</p> + +<p>"The law would hang you," said I.</p> + +<p>"I tell you, Daisy, it is no such thing! Gentlemen have a right to +defend themselves against the insolence of these black fellows."</p> + +<p>"And have not the black fellows a right to defend themselves against +the insolence of gentlemen?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, you are talking the most unspeakable nonsense," said Preston, +quite put beyond himself now. "<i>Don't</i> you know any better than that? +These people are our servants—they are our property—we are to do +what we like with them; and of course the law must see that we are +protected, or the blacks and the whites could not live together."</p> + +<p>"A man may be your servant, but he cannot be your property," I said.</p> + +<p>"Yes he can! They are our property, just as much as the land is; our +goods to do as we like with. Didn't you know that?"</p> + +<p>"Property is something that you can buy and sell," I answered.</p> + +<p>"And we sell the people, and buy them too, as fast as we like."</p> + +<p>"<i>Sell</i> them!" I echoed, thinking of Darry.</p> + +<p>"Certainly."</p> + +<p>"And who would buy them?"</p> + +<p>"Why all the world; everybody. There has been nobody sold off the +Magnolia estate, I believe, in a long time; but no<!-- Page 80 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span>thing is more +common, Daisy; everybody is doing it everywhere, when he has got too +many servants, or when he has got too few."</p> + +<p>"And do you mean," said I, "that Darry and Margaret and Theresa and +all the rest here, have been <i>bought</i>?"</p> + +<p>"No; almost all of them have been born on the place."</p> + +<p>"Then it is not true of these," I said.</p> + +<p>"Yes, it is; for their mothers and fathers were bought. It is the same +thing."</p> + +<p>"Who bought them?" I asked, hastily.</p> + +<p>"Why our mothers, and grandfather and great-grandfather."</p> + +<p>"<i>Bought</i> the fathers and mothers of all these hundreds of people?" +said I, a slow horror creeping into my veins, that yet held childish +blood, and but half comprehended.</p> + +<p>"Certainly—ages ago," said Preston. "Why, Daisy, I thought you knew +all about it."</p> + +<p>"But who sold them first?" said I, my mind in its utter rejection of +what was told to me, seeking every refuge from accepting it. "Who sold +them first?"</p> + +<p>"Who first? Oh, the people that brought them over from Africa, I +suppose; or the people in their own country that sold them to <i>them</i>."</p> + +<p>"They had no right to sell them," I said.</p> + +<p>"Can't tell about that," said Preston. "We bought them. I suppose we +had a right to do that."</p> + +<p>"But if the fathers and mothers were bought," I insisted, "that gave +us no right to have their children."</p> + +<p>"I would like you to ask Aunt Felicia or my Uncle Randolph such a +question," said Preston. "Just see how they would like the idea of +giving up all their property! Why, you would be as poor as Job, +Daisy."<!-- Page 81 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span></p> + +<p>"That land would be here all the same."</p> + +<p>"Much good the land would do you, without people to work it."</p> + +<p>"But other people could be hired as well as these," I said, "if any of +these wanted to go away."</p> + +<p>"No, they couldn't. White people cannot bear the climate nor do the +work. The crops cannot be raised without coloured labour."</p> + +<p>"I do not understand," said I, feeling my child's head puzzled. "Maybe +none of our people would like to go away?"</p> + +<p>"I dare say they wouldn't," said Preston, carelessly. "They are better +off here than on most plantations. Uncle Randolph never forbids his +hands to have meat; and some planters do."</p> + +<p>"Forbid them to have meat!" I said, in utter bewilderment.</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"Why?"</p> + +<p>"They think it makes them fractious, and not so easy to manage. Don't +you know, it makes a dog savage to feed him on raw meat! I suppose +cooked meat has the same effect on men."</p> + +<p>"But don't they get what they choose to eat?"</p> + +<p>"Well, I should think not!" said Preston. "Fancy their asking to be +fed on chickens and pound cake. That is what they would like."</p> + +<p>"But cannot they spend their wages for what they like?"</p> + +<p>"Wages!" said Preston.</p> + +<p>"Yes," said I.</p> + +<p>"My dear Daisy," said Preston, "you are talking of what you just +utterly don't understand; and I am a fool for bothering you with it. +Come! let us make it up and be friends."</p> + +<p>He stooped to kiss me, but I stepped back.<!-- Page 82 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Stop," I said. "Tell me—can't they do what they like with their +wages?"</p> + +<p>"I don't think they have wages enough to 'do what they like' exactly," +said Preston. "Why, they would 'like' to do nothing. These black +fellows are the laziest things living. They would 'like' to lie in the +sun all day long."</p> + +<p>"What wages does Darry have?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Now, Daisy, this is none of your business. Come, let us go into the +house and let it alone."</p> + +<p>"I want to know, first," said I.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, I never asked. What have I to do with Darry's wages?"</p> + +<p>"I will ask himself," I said; and I turned about to go to the stables.</p> + +<p>"Stop, Daisy," cried Preston. "Daisy, Daisy! you are the most +obstinate Daisy that ever was, when once you have taken a thing in +your head. Daisy, what have you to do with all this? Look here—these +people don't want wages."</p> + +<p>"Don't want wages?" I repeated.</p> + +<p>"No; they don't want them. What would they do with wages? they have +everything they need given them already; their food and their clothing +and their houses. They do not want anything more."</p> + +<p>"You said they did not have the food they liked," I objected.</p> + +<p>"Who does?" said Preston. "I am sure <i>I</i> don't—not more than one day +in seven, on an average."</p> + +<p>"But don't they have any wages at all?" I persisted. "Our coachman at +Melbourne had thirty dollars a month; and Logan had forty dollars and +his house and garden. Why shouldn't<!-- Page 83 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span> Darry have wages, too? Don't they +have any wages at all, Preston?"</p> + +<p>"Why, yes! they have plenty of corn, bread, and bacon, I tell you; and +their clothes. Daisy, they <i>belong</i> to you, these people do."</p> + +<p>Corn, bread, and bacon was not much like chickens and pound cake, I +thought; and I remembered our servants at Melbourne were very, very +differently dressed from the women I saw about me here, even in the +house. I stood bewildered and pondering. Preston tried to get me to go +on.</p> + +<p>"Why shouldn't they have wages?" I asked at length, with lips which I +believe were growing old with my thoughts.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, they are your servants; they <i>belong</i> to you. They have no +right to wages. Suppose you had to pay all these creatures—seven +hundred of them—as you pay people at Melbourne: how much do you +suppose you would have left to live upon yourselves? What nonsense it +is to talk!"</p> + +<p>"But they work for us," I said.</p> + +<p>"Certainly. There would not be anything for any of us if they didn't. +Here, at Magnolia, they raise rice crops and corn, as well as cotton; +at our place we grow nothing but cotton and corn."</p> + +<p>"Well, what pays them for working?"</p> + +<p>"I told you! they have their living and clothing and no care; and they +are the happiest creatures the sun shines on."</p> + +<p>"Are they willing to work for only that!" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Willing!" said Preston.</p> + +<p>"Yes," said I, feeling myself grow sick at heart.</p> + +<p>"I fancy nobody asks them that question. They have to work, I reckon, +whether they like it or no."<!-- Page 84 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You said they <i>like</i> to lie in the sun. What makes them work?"</p> + +<p>"Makes them!" said Preston, who was getting irritated as well as +impatient. "They get a good flogging if they do not work—that is all. +They know, if they don't do their part, the lash will come down: and +it don't come down easy."</p> + +<p>I suppose I must have looked as if it had come down on me. Preston +stopped talking and began to take care of me, putting his arm round me +to support my steps homeward. In the verandah my aunt met us. She +immediately decided that I was ill, and ordered me to go to bed at +once. It was the thing of all others I would have wished to do. It +saved me from the exertion of trying to hold myself up and of speaking +and moving and answering questions. I went to bed in dull misery, +longing to go to sleep and forget all my troubles of mind and body +together; but while the body rested, the mind would not. That kept the +consciousness of its burden; and it was that, more than any physical +ail, which took away my power of eating, and created instead a +wretched sort of half nausea, which made even rest unrefreshing. As +for rest in my mind and heart, it seemed at that time as if I should +never know it again. Never again! I was a child—I had but vague ideas +respecting even what troubled me; nevertheless I had been struck, +where may few children be struck! in the very core and quick of my +heart's reverence and affection. It had come home to me that papa was +somehow doing wrong. My father was in my childish thought and belief, +the ideal of chivalrous and high-bred excellence;—and <i>papa</i> was +doing wrong. I could not turn my eyes from the truth; it was before me +in too visible a form. It did not arrange itself in words, either; not +at first; it only<!-- Page 85 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span> pressed upon my heart and brain that seven hundred +people on my father's property were injured, and by his will, and for +his interests. Dimly the consciousness came to me; slowly it found its +way and spread out its details before me; bit by bit one point after +another came into my mind to make the whole good; bit by bit one item +after another came in to explain and be explained and to add its quota +of testimony; all making clear and distinct and dazzling before me the +truth which at first it was so hard to grasp. And this is not the less +true because my childish thought at first took everything vaguely and +received it slowly. I was a child and a simple child; but once getting +hold of a clue of truth, my mind never let it go. Step by step, as a +child could, I followed it out. And the balance of the golden rule, to +which I was accustomed, is an easy one to weigh things in; and even +little hands can manage it.</p> + +<p>For an hour after they put me to bed my heart seemed to grow chill +from minute to minute; and my body, in curious sympathy, shook as if I +had an ague. My aunt and Miss Pinshon came and went and were busy +about me; making me drink negus and putting hot bricks to my feet. +Preston stole in to look at me; but I gathered that neither then nor +afterwards did he reveal to any one the matter of our conversation the +hour before. "Wearied"—"homesick"—"feeble"—"with no sort of +strength to bear anything"—they said I was. All true, no doubt; and +yet I was not without powers of endurance, even bodily, if my mind +gave a little help. Now the trouble was, that all such help was +wanting. The dark figures of the servants came and went too, with the +others; came and stayed; Margaret and Mammy Theresa took post in my +room, and when they could do nothing for me, crouched by the fire and<!-- Page 86 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span> +spent their cares and energies in keeping that in full blast. I could +hardly bear to see them; but I had no heart to speak even to ask that +they might be sent away, or for anything else; and I had a sense +besides that it was a gratification to them to be near me; and to +gratify any one of the race I could have borne a good deal of pain.</p> + +<p>It smites my heart now, to think of those hours. The image of them is +sharp and fresh as if the time were but last night. I lay with shut +eyes, taking in as it seemed to be, additional loads of trouble with +each quarter of an hour; as I thought and thought, and put one and +another thing together, of things past and present, to help my +understanding. A child will carry on that process fast and to far-off +results; give her but the key and set her off on the track of truth +with a sufficient impetus. My happy childlike ignorance and childlike +life was in a measure gone; I had come into the world of vexed +questions, of the oppressor and the oppressed, the full and the empty, +the rich and the poor. I could make nothing at all of Preston's +arguments and reasonings. The logic of expediency and of consequences +carried no weight with me, and as little the logic of self-interest. I +sometimes think a child's vision is clearer, even in worldly matters, +than the eyes of those can be who have lived among the fumes and +vapours that rise in these low grounds, unless the eyes be washed day +by day in the spring of truth, and anointed with unearthly ointment. +The right and the wrong were the two things that presented themselves +to my view; and oh, my sorrow and heartbreak was, that papa was in the +wrong. I could not believe it, and yet I could not get rid of it. +There were oppressors and oppressed in the world; and <i>he</i> was one of +the oppressors. There<!-- Page 87 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span> is no sorrow that a child can bear, keener and +more gnawingly bitter than this. It has a sting of its own, for which +there is neither salve nor remedy; and it had the aggravation, in my +case, of the sense of personal dishonour. The wrong done and the +oppression inflicted were not the whole; there was besides the +intolerable sense of living upon other's gains. It was more than my +heart could bear.</p> + +<p>I could not write as I do—I could not recall these thoughts and that +time—if I had not another thought to bring to bear upon them; a +thought which at that time I was not able to comprehend. It came to me +later with its healing, and I have seen and felt it more clearly as I +grew older. I see it very clearly now. I had not been mistaken in my +childish notions of the loftiness and generosity of my father's +character. He was what I had thought him. Neither was I a whit wrong +in my judgment of the things which it grieved me that he did and +allowed. But I saw afterwards how he, and others, had grown up and +been educated in a system and atmosphere of falsehood, till he failed +to perceive that it was false. His eyes had lived in the darkness till +it seemed quite comfortably light to him; while to a fresh vision, +accustomed to the sun, it was pure and blank darkness, as thick as +night. He followed what others did and his father had done before him, +without any suspicion that it was an abnormal and morbid condition of +things they were all living in; more especially without a tinge of +misgiving that it might not be a noble, upright, dignified way of +life. But I, his little unreasoning child, bringing the golden rule of +the gospel only to judge of the doings of hell, shrank back and fell +to the ground, in my heart, to find the one I loved best in the world +concerned in them.<!-- Page 88 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span></p> + +<p>So when I opened my eyes that night, and looked into the blaze of the +firelight, the dark figures that were there before it stung me with +pain every time; and every soft word and tender look on their +faces—and I had many a one, both words and looks—racked my heart in +a way that was strange for a child. The negus put me to sleep at last, +or exhaustion did; I think the latter, for it was very late; and the +rest of that night wore away.</p> + +<p>When I awoke, the two women were there still, just as I had left them +when I went to sleep. I do not know if they sat there all night, or if +they had slept on the floor by my side; but there they were, and +talking softly to one another about something that caught my +attention. I bounced out of bed—though I was so weak, I remember I +reeled as I went from my bed to the fire, and steadied myself by +laying my hand on Mammy Theresa's shoulder. I demanded of Margaret +<i>what</i> she had been saying. The women both started, with expressions +of surprise, alarm, and tender affection, raised by my ghostly looks, +and begged me to get back into bed again. I stood fast, bearing on +Theresa's shoulder.</p> + +<p>"What was it?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"'Twarn't nothin', Miss Daisy, dear!" said the girl.</p> + +<p>"Hush! don't tell me that," I said. "Tell me what it was—tell me what +it was. Nobody shall know; you need not be afraid; nobody shall know." +For I saw a cloud of hesitation in Margaret's face.</p> + +<p>"'Twarn't nothin', Miss Daisy—only about Darry."</p> + +<p>"What about Darry?" I said, trembling.</p> + +<p>"He done went and had a praise-meetin'," said Theresa; "and he knowed +it war agin the rules; he knowed that. 'Course he did. Rules mus' be +kep'."<!-- Page 89 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Whose rules?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Laws, honey, 'taint 'cording to rules for we coloured folks to hold +meetin's no how. 'Course, we's ought to 'bey de rules; dat's clar."</p> + +<p>"Who made the rules?"</p> + +<p>"Who make 'em? Mass' Ed'ards—he made de rules on dis plantation. +Reckon Mass' Randolph, he make 'em a heap different."</p> + +<p>"Does Mr. Edwards make it a rule that you are not to hold +prayer-meetings?"</p> + +<p>"Can't spec' for to have everyt'ing jus like de white folks," said the +old woman. "We's no right to spect it. But Uncle Darry, he sot a sight +by his praise-meetin'. He's cur'ous, he is. S'pose Darry's cur'ous."</p> + +<p>"And does anybody say that you shall not have prayer-meetings?"</p> + +<p>"Laws, honey! what's we got to do wid praise-meetin's or any sort of +meetin's? We'se got to work. Mass' Ed'ards, he say dat de meetin's dey +makes coloured folks onsettled; and dey don't hoe de corn good if dey +has too much prayin' to do."</p> + +<p>"And does he forbid them then? doesn't he let you have +prayer-meetings?"</p> + +<p>"'Tain't Mr. Edwards alone, Miss Daisy," said Margaret, speaking low. +"It's agin the law for us to have meetin's anyhow, 'cept we get leave, +and say what house it shall be, and who's a comin', and what we'se +comin' for. And it's no use asking Mr. Edwards, 'cause he don't see no +reason why black folks should have meetin's."</p> + +<p>"Did Darry have a prayer-meeting without leave?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"'Twarn't no count of a meetin'!" said Theresa, a little touch<!-- Page 90 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span> of +scorn, or indignation, coming into her voice; "and Darry, he war in +his own house prayin'. Dere warn't nobody dere, but Pete and ole +'Liza, and Maria, cook, and dem two Johns dat come from de lower +plantation. Dey couldn't get a strong meetin' into Uncle Darry's +house; 'tain't big enough to hold 'em."</p> + +<p>"And what did the overseer do to Darry?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Laws, Miss Daisy," said Margaret, with a quick look at the other +woman; "he didn't do nothing to hurt Darry; he only want to scare de +folks."</p> + +<p>"Dey's done scared," said Theresa, under her breath.</p> + +<p>"What is it?" I said, steadying myself by my hold on Theresa's +shoulder, and feeling that I must stand till I had finished my +inquiry: "how did he know about the meeting? and what did he do to +Darry? Tell me! I must know. I must know, Margaret."</p> + +<p>"Spect he was goin' through the quarters, and he heard Darry at his +prayin'," said Margaret. "Darry he don't mind to keep his prayers +secret, he don't," she added, with a half laugh. "Spect nothin' but +they'll bust the walls o' that little house some day."</p> + +<p>"Dey's powerful!" added Theresa. "But he warn't prayin' no harm; he +was just prayin', 'Dy will be done on de eart' as it be in de +heaven'—Pete, he tell me. Darry warn't saying not'ing—he just pray +'Dy will be done.'"</p> + +<p>"Well?" I said, for Margaret kept silent.</p> + +<p>"And de oberseer, he say—leastways he swore, he did—dat <i>his</i> will +should be done on dis plantation, and he wouldn't have no such work. +He say, der's nobody to come togedder after it be dark, if it's two or +t'ree, 'cept dey gets his leave, Mass' Ed'ards, he say; and dey won't +get it."<!-- Page 91 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span></p> + +<p>"But what did he do to Darry?" I could scarcely hold myself on my feet +by this time.</p> + +<p>"He whipped him, I reckon," said Margaret, in a low tone, and with a +dark shadow crossing her face, very different from its own brown +duskiness.</p> + +<p>"He don't have a light hand, Mass' Ed'ards," went on Theresa, "and he +got a sharp, new whip. De second stripe—Pete, he tell me this +evenin'—and it war wet; and it war wet enough before he got through. +He war mad, I reckon; certain, Mass' Ed'ards, he war mad."</p> + +<p>"<i>Wet?</i>" said I.</p> + +<p>"Laws, Miss Daisy," said Margaret, "'tain't nothin'. Them whips, they +draws the blood easy. Darry, he don't mind."</p> + +<p>I have a recollection of the girl's terrified face, but I heard +nothing more. Such a deadly sickness came over me that for a minute I +must have been near fainting; happily it took another turn amid the +various confused feelings which oppressed me, and I burst into tears. +My eyes had not been wet through all the hours of the evening and +night; my heartache had been dry. I think I was never very easy to +move to tears, even as a child. But now, well for me, perhaps, some +element of the pain I was suffering found the unguarded point—or +broke up the guard. I wept as I have done very few times in my life. I +had thrown myself into Mammy Theresa's lap, in the weakness which +could not support itself, and in an abandonment of grief which was +careless of all the outside world; and there I lay, clasped in her +arms and sobbing. Grief, horror, tender sympathy, and utter +helplessness, striving together; there was nothing for me at that +moment but the woman's refuge and the child's remedy of weeping. But +the weeping was so bitter, so<!-- Page 92 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span> violent, and so uncontrollable, that +the women were frightened. I believe they shut the doors, to keep the +sound of my sobs from reaching other ears; for when I recovered the +use of my senses I saw that they were closed.</p> + +<p>The certain strange relief which tears do bring, they gave to me. I +cannot tell why. My pain was not changed, my helplessness was not done +away; yet at least I had washed my causes of sorrow in a flood of +heart drops, and cleansed them so somehow from any personal stain. +Rather I was perfectly exhausted. The women put me to bed, as soon as +I would let them; and Margaret whispered an earnest "Do, don't, Miss +Daisy, don't say nothin' about the prayer meetin'!" I shook my head; I +knew better than to say anything about it.</p> + +<p>All the better not to betray them, and myself, I shut my eyes, and +tried to let my face grow quiet. I had succeeded, I believe, before my +Aunt Gary and Miss Pinshon came in. The two stood looking at me; my +aunt in some consternation, my governess reserving any expression of +what she thought. I fancied she did not trust my honesty. Another time +I might have made an effort to right myself in her opinion; but I was +past that and everything now. It was decided by my aunt that I had +better keep my bed as long as I felt like doing so.</p> + +<p>So I lay there during the long hours of that day. I was glad to be +still, to keep out of the way in a corner, to hear little and see +nothing of what was going on; my own small world of thoughts was +enough to keep me busy. I grew utterly weary at last of thinking, and +gave it up, so far as I could; submitting passively, in a state of +pain, sometimes dull and sometimes acute, to what I had no power to +change or remedy. But my father <i>had</i>, I thought; and at those times +my longing was un<!-- Page 93 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span>speakable to see him. I was very quiet all that day, +I believe, in spite of the rage of wishes and sorrows within me; but +it was not to be expected I should gain strength. On the contrary, I +think I grew feverish. If I could have laid down my troubles in +prayer! but at first, these troubles, I could not. The core and root +of them being my father's share in the rest. And I was not alone; and +I had a certain consciousness that if I allowed myself to go to my +little Bible for help, it would unbar my self-restraint, with its +sweet and keen words, and I should give way again before Margaret and +Theresa: and I did not wish that.</p> + +<p>"What shall we do with her?" said my Aunt Gary when she came to me +towards the evening. "She looks like a mere shadow. I never saw such a +change in a child in four weeks—never!"</p> + +<p>"Try a different regimen to-morrow, I think," said my governess, whose +lustrous black eyes looked at me sick, exactly as they looked at me +well.</p> + +<p>"I shall send for the doctor, if she isn't better," said my aunt. +"She's feverish now."</p> + +<p>"Keeping her bed all day," said Miss Pinshon.</p> + +<p>"Do you think so?" said my aunt.</p> + +<p>"I have no doubt of it. It is very weakening."</p> + +<p>"Then we will let her get up to-morrow, and see how that will do."</p> + +<p>They had been gone half an hour, when Preston stole in and came to the +side of my bed, between me and the firelight.</p> + +<p>"Come, Daisy, let us be friends!" he said. And he was stooping to kiss +me; but I put out my hand to keep him back.</p> + +<p>"Not till you have told Darry you are sorry," I said.<!-- Page 94 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span></p> + +<p>Preston was angry instantly, and stood upright.</p> + +<p>"Ask pardon of a servant!" he said. "You would have the world upside +down directly."</p> + +<p>I thought it was upside down already; but I was too weak and +downhearted to say so.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, Daisy!" said Preston—"And there you lie, looking like a poor +little wood flower that has hardly strength to hold up its head; and +with about as much colour in your cheeks. Come, Daisy, kiss me, and +let us be friends."</p> + +<p>"If you will do what is right," I said.</p> + +<p>"I will—always," said Preston; "but this would be wrong, you know." +And he stooped again to kiss me. And again I would not suffer him.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, you are absurd," said Preston, vibrating between pity and +anger, I think, as he looked at me. "Darry is a servant, and +accustomed to a servant's place. What hurt you so much did not hurt +him a bit. He knows where he belongs."</p> + +<p>"You don't," said I.</p> + +<p>"What?"</p> + +<p>"Know anything about it." I remember I spoke very feebly. I had hardly +energy left to speak at all. My words must have come with a curious +contrast between the meaning and the manner.</p> + +<p>"Know anything about what, Daisy? You are as oracular and as immovable +as one of Egypt's monuments; only they are very hard, and you are very +soft, my dear little Daisy!—and they are very brown, according to all +I have heard, and you are as white as a wind-flower. One can almost +see through you. What is it I don't know anything about?"</p> + +<p>"I am so tired, Preston!"<!-- Page 95 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Yes; but what is it I don't know anything about?"</p> + +<p>"Darry's place—and yours," I said.</p> + +<p>"His place and mine! His place is a servant's, I take it, belonging to +Rudolf Randolph, of Magnolia. I am the unworthy representative of an +old Southern family, and a gentleman. What have you to say about +that?"</p> + +<p>"He is a servant of the Lord of lords," I said; "and his Master loves +him. And He has a house of glory preparing for him, and a crown of +gold, and a white robe, such as the King's children wear. And he will +sit on a throne himself by and by. Preston, where will <i>you</i> be?"</p> + +<p>These words were said without the least heat of manner—almost +languidly; but they put Preston in a fume. I could not catch his +excitement in the least; but I saw it. He stood up again, hesitated, +opened his mouth to speak and shut it without speaking, turned and +walked away and came back to me. I did not wait for him then.</p> + +<p>"You have offended one of the King's children," I said; "and the King +is offended."</p> + +<p>"Daisy," said Preston, in a sort of suppressed fury, "one would think +you had turned Abolitionist; only you never heard of such a thing."</p> + +<p>"What is it?" said I, shutting my eyes.</p> + +<p>"It is just the meanest and most impudent shape a Northerner can take; +it is the lowest end of creation, an Abolitionist is; and a Yankee is +pretty much the same thing!"</p> + +<p>"Dr. Sandford is a Yankee," I remarked.</p> + +<p>"Did you get it from <i>him</i>?" Preston asked, fiercely.</p> + +<p>"What?" said I, opening my eyes.</p> + +<p>"Your nonsense. Has he taught you to turn Abolitionist?"<!-- Page 96 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I have not <i>turned</i> at all," I said. "I wish you would. It is only +the people who are in the wrong that ought to turn."</p> + +<p>"Daisy," said Preston, "you ought never to be away from Aunt Felicia +and my uncle. Nobody else can manage you. I don't know what you will +become or what you will do, before they get back."</p> + +<p>I was silent; and Preston, I suppose, cooled down. He waited awhile, +and then again begged that I would kiss and be friends. "You see, I am +going away to-morrow morning, little Daisy."</p> + +<p>"I wish you had gone two days ago," I said.</p> + +<p>And my mind did not change, even when the morning came.<!-- Page 97 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2> + +<h3>IN THE KITCHEN.</h3> + +<p class="cap">I WAS ill for days. It was not due to one thing, doubtless, nor one +sorrow, but the whole together. My aunt sent to Baytown for the old +family physician. He came up and looked at me, and decided that I +ought to "play" as much as possible!</p> + +<p>"She isn't a child that likes play," said my aunt.</p> + +<p>"Find some play that she does like, then. Where are her father and +mother?"</p> + +<p>"Just sailed for Europe, a few weeks ago."</p> + +<p>"The best thing would be for her to sail after them," said the old +doctor. And he went.</p> + +<p>"We shall have to let her do just as they did at Melbourne," said my +aunt.</p> + +<p>"How was that?" said Miss Pinshon.</p> + +<p>"Let her have just her own way."</p> + +<p>"And what was that?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, queer," said my aunt. "She is not like other children. But +anything is better than to have her mope to death."<!-- Page 98 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I shall try and not have her mope," said Miss Pinshon.</p> + +<p>But she had little chance to adopt her reforming regimen for some +time. It was plain I was not fit for anything but to be let alone, +like a weak plant struggling for its existence. All you can do with it +is to put it in the sun; and my aunt and governess tacitly agreed upon +the same plan of treatment for me. Now, the only thing wanting was +sunshine; and it was long before that could be had. After a day or two +I left my bed, and crept about the house, and out of the house under +the great oaks, where the material sunshine was warm and bright +enough, and caught itself in the grey wreaths of moss that waved over +my head, and seemed to come bodily to woo me to life and cheer. It lay +in the carpet under my feet, it lingered in the leaves of the thick +oaks, it wantoned in the wind, as the long draperies of moss swung and +moved gently to and fro; but the very sunshine is cold where the ice +meets it; I could get no comfort. The thoughts that had so troubled me +the evening after my long talk with Preston were always present with +me; they went out and came in with me; I slept with them, and they met +me when I woke. The sight of the servants was wearying. I shunned +Darry and the stables. I had no heart for my pony. I would have liked +to get away from Magnolia. Yet, be I where I might, it would not alter +my father's position towards these seven hundred people. And towards +how many more? There were his estates in Virginia.</p> + +<p>One of the first things I did, as soon as I could command my fingers +to do it, was to write to him. Not a remonstrance. I knew better than +to touch that. All I ventured, was to implore that the people who +desired it might be allowed to hold prayer-meetings whenever they +liked, and Mr. Edwards be forbidden<!-- Page 99 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span> to interfere. Also I complained +that the inside of the cabins were not comfortable; that they were +bare and empty. I pleaded for a little bettering of them. It was not a +long letter that I wrote. My sorrow I could not tell, and my love and +my longing were equally beyond the region of words. I fancy it would +have been thought by Miss Pinshon a very cold little epistle, but Miss +Pinshon did not see it. I wrote it with weak trembling fingers, and +closed it and sealed it and sent it myself. Then I sank into a +helpless, careless, listless state of body and mind, which was very +bad for me; and there was no physician who could minister to me. I +went wandering about, mostly out of doors, alone with myself and my +sorrow. When I seemed a little stronger than usual, Miss Pinshon tried +the multiplication table; and I tried, but the spring of my mind was +for the time broken. All such trials came to an end in such weakness +and weariness, that my governess herself was fain to take the book +from my hands and send me out into the sunshine again.</p> + +<p>It was Darry at last who found me one day, and, distressed at my +looks, begged that I would let him bring up my pony. He was so earnest +that I yielded. I got leave, and went to ride. Darry saddled another +horse for himself and went with me. That first ride did not help me +much; but the second time a little tide of life began to steal into my +veins. Darry encouraged and instructed me; and when we came cantering +up to the door of the house, my aunt, who was watching there, cried +out that I had a bit of a tinge in my cheeks, and charged Darry to +bring the horses up every day.</p> + +<p>With a little bodily vigour a little strength of mind seemed to come; +a little more power of bearing up against evils, or of quietly +standing under them. After the third time I went to<!-- Page 100 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span> ride, having come +home refreshed, I took my Bible and sat down on the rug before the +fire in my room to read. I had not been able to get comfort in my +Bible all those days; often I had not liked to try. Right and wrong +never met me in more brilliant colours or startling shadows than +within the covers of that book. But to-day, soothed somehow, I went +along with the familiar words as one listens to old music, with the +soothing process going on all along. Right <i>was</i> right, and glorious, +and would prevail some time; and nothing could hinder it. And then I +came to words which I knew, yet which had never taken such hold of me +before.</p> + +<p>"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works +and glorify your Father which is in heaven."</p> + +<p>"<i>That</i> is what I have to do!" I thought immediately. "That is my +part. That is clear. What <i>I</i> have to do, is to let my light shine. +And if the light shines, perhaps it will fall on something. But what +<i>I</i> have to do, is to shine. God has given me nothing else."</p> + +<p>It was a very simple child's thought; but it brought wonderful comfort +with it. Doubtless, I would have liked another part to play. I would +have liked—if I could—to have righted all the wrong in the world; to +have broken every yoke; to have filled every empty house, and built up +a fire on every cold hearth: but that was not what God had given me. +All He had given me, that I could see at the minute, was to shine. +What a little morsel of a light mine was, to be sure!</p> + +<p>It was a good deal of a puzzle to me for days after that, <i>how</i> I was +to shine. What could I do? I was a little child: my only duties some +lessons to learn: not much of that, seeing I had not strength for it. +Certainly, I had sorrows to bear; but<!-- Page 101 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span> bearing them well did not seem +to me to come within the sphere of <i>shining</i>. Who would know that I +bore them well? And shining is meant to be seen. I pondered the +matter.</p> + +<p>"When's Christmas, Miss Daisy?"</p> + +<p>Margaret asked this question one morning as she was on her knees +making my fire. Christmas had been so shadowed a point to me in the +distance, I had not looked at it. I stopped to calculate the days.</p> + +<p>"It will be two weeks from Friday, Margaret."</p> + +<p>"And Friday's to-morrow?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"The day after to-morrow. What do you do at Christmas, Margaret? all +the people?"</p> + +<p>"There ain't no great doings, Miss Daisy. The people gets four days, +most of 'em."</p> + +<p>"Four days—for what?"</p> + +<p>"For what they like; they don't do no work, those days."</p> + +<p>"And is that all?"</p> + +<p>"No, Miss Daisy, 'tain't just all; the women comes up to the +house—it's to the overseer's house now—and every one gets a bowl o' +flour, more or less, 'cordin' to size of family—and a quart of +molasses, and a piece o' pork."</p> + +<p>"And what do they do to make the time pleasant?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Some on 'em's raised eggs and chickens; and they brings 'em to the +house and sells 'em; and they has the best dinner. Most times they +gets leave to have a meetin'."</p> + +<p>"A prayer-meeting?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Laws, no, Miss Daisy! not 'cept it were Uncle Darry and <i>his</i> set. +The others don't make no count of a prayer-meetin'. They likes to have +a white-folks' meetin' and 'joy theirselves."</p> + +<p>I thought very much over these statements; and for the next<!-- Page 102 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span> two weeks +bowls of flour and quarts of molasses, as Christmas doings, were mixed +up in my mind with the question, how I was to shine? or rather, +alternated with it; and plans began to turn themselves over and take +shape in my thoughts.</p> + +<p>"Margaret," said I, a day or two before Christmas, "can't the people +have those meetings you spoke of without getting leave of Mr. +Edwards?"</p> + +<p>"Can't have meetin's, no how!" Margaret replied decidedly.</p> + +<p>"But if <i>I</i> wanted to see them, couldn't they, some of them, come +together to see me?"</p> + +<p>"To see Miss Daisy! Reckon Miss Daisy do what she like. 'Spect Mass' +Ed'ards let Miss Daisy 'lone!"</p> + +<p>I was silent, pondering.</p> + +<p>"Maria cook wants to see Miss Daisy bad. She bid me tell Miss Daisy +won't she come down in de kitchen, and see all the works she's a-doin' +for Christmas, and de glorifications?"</p> + +<p>"I? I'll come if I can," I answered.</p> + +<p>I asked my aunt and got easy leave; and on Christmas eve I went down +to the kitchen. That was the chosen time when Maria wished to see me. +There was an assembly of servants gathered in the room, some from out +of the house. Darry was there; and one or two other fine-looking men +who were his prayer-meeting friends. I supposed they were gathered to +make merry for Christmas eve; but, at any rate, they were all eager to +see me, and looked at me with smiles as gentle as have ever fallen to +my share. I felt it and enjoyed it. The effect was of entering a warm, +genial atmosphere, where grace and good-will were on every side; a +change very noticeable from the cold and careless habit of things +upstairs. And <i>grace</i> is not a misapplied epithet; for these children +of a luxurious and beauty-<!-- Page 103 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span>loving race, even in their bondage, had not +forgotten all traces of their origin. As I went in, I could not help +giving my hand to Darry; and then, in my childish feeling towards +them, and in the tenderness of the Christmas-tide, I could not help +doing the same by all the others who were present. And I remember now +the dignity of mien in some, the frank ease in others, both graceful +and gracious, with which my civility was met. If a few were a little +shy, the rest more than made it up by their welcome of me, and a sort +of politeness which had almost something courtly in it. Darry and +Maria together gave me a seat, in the very centre and glow of the +kitchen light and warmth; and the rest made a half circle around, +leaving Maria's end of the room free for her operations.</p> + +<p>The kitchen was all aglow with the most splendid fire of pine knots it +was ever my lot to see. The illumination was such as threw all +gaslights into shade. We were in a great stone-flagged room, +low-roofed, with dark cupboard door; not cheerful, I fancy, in the +mere light of day: but nothing could resist the influence of those +pine-knot flames. Maria herself was a portly fat woman, as far as +possible from handsome; but she looked at me with a whole world of +kindness in her dark face. Indeed, I saw the same kindness more or +less shining out upon me in all the faces there. I cannot tell the +mixed joy and pain that it, and they, gave me. I suppose I showed +little of either, or of anything.</p> + +<p>Maria entertained me with all she had. She brought out for my view her +various rich and immense stores of cakes and pies and delicacies for +the coming festival; told me what was good and what I must be sure and +eat; and what would be good for me. And then, when that display was +over, she began to be very busy with beating of eggs in a huge wooden +bowl; and<!-- Page 104 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span> bade Darry see to the boiling of the kettle at the fire; +and sent Jem, the waiter, for things he was to get upstairs; and all +the while talked to me. She and Darry and one or two more talked, but +especially she and Theresa and Jem; while all the rest listened and +laughed and exclaimed, and seemed to find me as entertaining as a +play. Maria was asking me about my own little life and experiences +before I came to Magnolia; what sort of a place Melbourne was, and how +things there differed from the things she and the rest knew and were +accustomed to at the South; and about my old June, who had once been +an acquaintance of hers. Smiling at me the while, between the thrusts +of her curiosity, and over my answers, as if for sheer pleasure she +could not keep grave. The other faces were as interested and as +gracious. There was Pete, tall and very black, and very grave, as +Darry was also. There was Jem, full of life and waggishness, and +bright for any exercise of his wits; and grave shadows used to come +over his changeable face often enough too. There was Margaret, with +her sombre beauty; and old Theresa with her worn old face. I think +there was a certain indescribable reserve of gravity upon them all, +but there was not one whose lips did not part in a white line when +looking at me, nor whose eyes and ears did not watch me with an +interest as benign as it was intent. I had been little while seated +before the kitchen fire of pine knots before I felt that I was in the +midst of a circle of personal friends; and I feel it now, as I look +back and remember them. They would have done much for me, every one.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile Maria beat and mixed and stirred the things in her wooden +bowl; and by and by ladled out a glassful of rich-looking, yellow, +creamy froth—I did not know what it was, only it looked +beautiful—and presented it to me.<!-- Page 105 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Miss Daisy mus' tell Mis' Felissy Maria hain't forgot how to make +it—'spect she hain't, anyhow. Dat's for Miss Daisy's Christmas."</p> + +<p>"It's very nice!" I said.</p> + +<p>"Reckon it is," was the capable answer.</p> + +<p>"Won't you give everybody some, Maria?" For Jem had gone upstairs with +a tray and glasses, and Maria seemed to be resting upon her labours.</p> + +<p>"Dere'll come down orders for mo', chile; and 'spose I gives it to de +company, what'll Mis' Lisa do wid Maria? I have de 'sponsibility of +Christmas."</p> + +<p>"But you can make some more," I said, holding my glass in waiting. +"Do, Maria."</p> + +<p>"'Spose hain't got de 'terials, hey?"</p> + +<p>"What do you want? Aunt Gary will give it to you." And I begged Jem to +go up again and prefer my request to her for the new filling of +Maria's bowl. Jem shrugged his shoulders, but he went; and I suppose +he made a good story of it; for he came down with whatever was +wanted—my Aunt Gary was in a mood to refuse me nothing then—and +Maria went anew about the business of beating and mixing and +compounding.</p> + +<p>There was great enjoyment in the kitchen. It was a time of high +festival, what with me and the egg supper. Merriment and jocularity, a +little tide-wave of social excitement, swelled and broke on all sides +of me; making a soft ripply play of fun and repartee, difficult to +describe, and which touched me as much as it amused. It was very +unlike the enjoyment of a set of white people holding the same social +and intellectual grade. It was the manifestation of another race, less +coarse and animal in their original nature, more sensitive and more +demonstrative,<!-- Page 106 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span> with a strange touch of the luxurious and refined for +a people whose life has had nothing to do with luxury, and whom +refinement leaves on one side as quite beyond its sphere. But blood is +a strange thing; and Ham's children will show luxurious and æsthetic +tastes, take them where you will.</p> + +<p>"Chillen, I hope you's enjoyed your supper," Maria said, when the last +lingering drops had been secured, and mugs and glasses were coming +back to the kitchen table.</p> + +<p>Words and smiles answered her. "We's had a splendid time, Aunt Maria," +said one young man as he set down his glass. He was a worker in the +garden.</p> + +<p>"Den I hope's we's all willin' to gib de Lord t'anks for His goodness. +Dere ain't a night in de year when it's so proper to gib de Lord +t'anks, as it be dis precious night."</p> + +<p>"It's to-morrow night, Aunt Maria," said Pete. "To-morrow's Christmas +night."</p> + +<p>"I don't care! One night's jus' as good as another, you Pete. And now +we's all together, you see, and comfortable together; and I feel like +giving t'anks, I do, to de Lord, for all His mercies."</p> + +<p>"What's Christmas, anyhow?" asked another.</p> + +<p>"It's jus' de crown o' all the nights in de year. You Solomon, it's a +night dat dey keeps up in heaven. You know nothin' about it, you poor +critter. I done believe you never hearn no one tell about it. Maybe +Miss Daisy wouldn't read us de story, and de angels, and de shepherds, +and dat great light what come down, and make us feel good for +Christmas; and Uncle Darry, he'll t'ank de Lord."</p> + +<p>The last words were put in a half-questioning form to me, rather +taking for granted that I would readily do what was requested. And +hardly anything in the world, I suppose, could<!-- Page 107 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span> have given me such +deep gratification at the moment. Margaret was sent upstairs to fetch +my Bible; the circle closed in around the fire and me; a circle of +listening, waiting, eager, interested faces, some few of them shone +with pleasure, or grew grave with reverent love, while I read slowly +the chapters that tell of the first Christmas night. I read them from +all the gospels, picking the story out first in one, then in another; +answered sometimes by low words of praise that echoed but did not +interrupt me—words that were but some dropped notes of the song that +began that night in heaven, and has been running along the ages since, +and is swelling and will swell into a great chorus of earth and heaven +by and by. And how glad I was in the words of the story myself, as I +went along. How heart-glad that here, in this region of riches and +hopes not earthly, those around me had as good welcome, and as open +entrance, and as free right as I. "There is neither bond nor free." +"And base things of this world, and things which are despised, hath +God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things +that are."</p> + +<p>I finished my reading at last, amid the hush of my listening audience. +Then Maria called upon Darry to pray, and we all kneeled down.</p> + +<p>It comes back to me now as I write—the hush and the breathing of the +fire, and Darry's low voice and imperfect English. Yes, and the +incoming tide of rest and peace and gladness which began to fill the +dry places in my heart, and rose and swelled till my heart was full. I +lost my troubles and forgot my difficulties. I forgot that my father +and mother were away, for the sense of loneliness was gone. I forgot +that those around me were in bonds, for I felt them free as I, and +inheritors of the same kingdom. I have not often in my life listened +to such a<!-- Page 108 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span> prayer, unless from the same lips. He was one of those that +make you feel that the door is open to their knocking, and that they +always find it so. His words were seconded—not interrupted, even to +my feelings—by low-breathed echoes of praise and petition, too soft +and deep to leave any doubt of the movement that called them forth.</p> + +<p>There was a quiet gravity upon all when we rose to our feet again. I +knew I must go; but the kitchen had been the pleasantest place to me +in all Magnolia. I bade them good-night, answered with bows and +curtseys and hearty wishes; and as I passed out of the circle, tall +black Pete, looking down upon me with just a glimmer of white between +his lips, added, "Hope you'll come again."</p> + +<p>A thought darted into my head which brought sunshine with it. I seemed +to see my way begin to open.</p> + +<p>The hope was warm in my heart as soon as I was awake the next morning. +With more comfort than for many days I had known, I lay and watched +Margaret making my fire. Then suddenly I remembered it was Christmas, +and what thanksgivings had been in heaven about it, and what should be +on earth; and a lingering of the notes of praise I had heard last +night made a sort of still music in the air. But I did not expect at +all that any of the ordinary Christmas festivities would come home to +me, seeing that my father and mother were away. Where should Christmas +festivities come from? So, when Margaret rose up and showed all her +teeth at me, I only thought last night had given her pleasure, and I +suspected nothing, even when she stepped into the next room and +brought in a little table covered with a shawl, and set it close to my +bedside. "Am I to have breakfast in bed?" I asked. "What is this +for?"<!-- Page 109 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Dunno, Miss Daisy," said Margaret, with all her white teeth +sparkling;—"'spose Miss Daisy take just a look, and see what 'pears +like."</p> + +<p>I felt the colour come into my face. I raised myself on my elbow and +lifted up cautiously one corner of the shawl. Packages—white paper +and brown paper—long and short, large and small! "O Margaret, take +off the shawl, will you!" I cried; "and let me see what is here."</p> + +<p>There was a good deal. But "From Papa" caught my eye on a little +parcel. I seized it and unfolded. From papa, and he so far away! But I +guessed the riddle before I could get to the last of the folds of +paper that wrapped and enwrapped a little morocco case. Papa and +mamma, leaving me alone, had made provision beforehand, that when this +time came I might miss nothing except themselves. They had thought and +cared and arranged for me; and now they were thinking about it, +perhaps, far away somewhere over the sea. I held the morocco case in +my hand a minute or two before I could open it. Then I found a little +watch; my dear little watch! which has gone with me ever since, and +never failed nor played tricks with me. My mother had put in one of +her own chains for me to wear with it.</p> + +<p>I lay a long time looking and thinking, raised up on my elbow as I +was, before I could leave the watch and go on to anything else. +Margaret spread round my shoulders the shawl which had covered the +Christmas table; and then she stood waiting, with a good deal more +impatience and curiosity than I showed. But such a world of pleasure +and pain gathered round that first "bit of Christmas"—so many, many +thoughts of one and the other kind—that I for awhile had enough with +that. At last I closed the case, and keeping it yet in one hand, used +the other to make<!-- Page 110 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span> more discoveries. The package labelled "From +Mamma," took my attention next; but I could make nothing of it. An +elegant little box, that was all, which I could not open; only it felt +so very heavy that I was persuaded there must be something +extraordinary inside. I could make nothing of it: it was a beautiful +box; that was all. Preston had brought me a little riding whip, both +costly and elegant. I could not but be much pleased with it. A large, +rather soft package, marked with Aunt Gary's name, unfolded a riding +cap to match; at least, it was exceeding rich and stylish, with a +black feather that waved away in curves that called forth Margaret's +delighted admiration. Nevertheless, I wondered, while I admired, at my +Aunt Gary's choice of a present. I had a straw hat which served all +purposes, even of elegance, for my notions. I was amazed to find that +Miss Pinshon had not forgotten me. There was a decorated pen, wreathed +with a cord of crimson and gold twist, and supplemented with two +dangling tassels. It was excessively pretty, as I thought of Aunt +Gary's cap; and <i>not</i> equally convenient. I looked at all these things +while Margaret was dressing me; but the case with the watch, for the +most part, I remember I kept in my hand.</p> + +<p>"Ain't you goin' to try it on and see some how pretty it looks, Miss +Daisy?" said my unsatisfied attendant.</p> + +<p>"The cap?" said I. "Oh, I dare say it fits. Aunt Gary knows how big my +head is."</p> + +<p>"Mass' Preston come last night," she went on; "so I reckon Miss +Daisy'll want to wear it by and by."</p> + +<p>"Preston come last night!" I said. "After I was in bed?"—and feeling +that it was indeed Christmas, I finished getting ready and went +downstairs. I made up my mind I might as well be<!-- Page 111 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span> friends with +Preston, and not push any further my displeasure at his behaviour. So +we had a comfortable breakfast. My aunt was pleased to see me, she +said, look so much better. Miss Pinshon was not given to expressing +what she felt; but she looked at me two or three times without saying +anything, which I suppose meant satisfaction. Preston was in high +feather, making all sorts of plans for my divertisement during the +next few days. I, for my part, had my own secret cherished plan, which +made my heart beat quicker whenever I thought of it. But I wanted +somebody's counsel and help; and on the whole I thought my Aunt Gary's +would be the safest. So after breakfast I consulted Preston only about +my mysterious little box, which would not open. Was it a paper weight?</p> + +<p>Preston smiled, took up the box and performed some conjuration upon +it, and then—I cannot describe my entranced delight—as he set it +down again on the table, the room seemed to grow musical. Softest, +most liquid sweet notes came pouring forth one after the other, +binding my ears as if I had been in a state of enchantment; binding +feet and hands and almost my breath, as I stood hushed and listening +to the liquid warbling of delicious things, until the melody had run +itself out. It was a melody unknown to me; wild and dainty; it came +out of a famous opera, I was told afterward. When the fairy notes sunk +into silence, I turned mutely towards Preston. Preston laughed.</p> + +<p>"I declare!" he said,—"I declare! Hurra! you have got colour in your +cheeks, Daisy; absolutely, my little Daisy! there is a real streak of +pink there where it was so white before."</p> + +<p>"<i>What</i> is it?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Just a little good blood coming up under the skin."</p> + +<p>"Oh no, Preston—<i>this</i>; what is it?"<!-- Page 112 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span></p> + +<p>"A musical box."</p> + +<p>"But where does the music come from?"</p> + +<p>"Out of the box. See, Daisy; when it has done a tune and is run out, +you must wind it up, so,—like a watch."</p> + +<p>He wound it up and set it on the table again. And again a melody came +forth, and this time it was different; not plaintive and thoughtful, +but jocund and glad; a little shout and ring of merriment, like the +feet of dancers scattering the drops of dew in a bright morning; or +like the chime of a thousand little silver bells rung for laughter. A +sort of intoxication came into my heart. When Preston would have wound +up the box again, I stopped him. I was full of the delight. I could +not hear any more just then.</p> + +<p>"Why, Daisy, there are ever so many more tunes."</p> + +<p>"Yes. I am glad. I will have them another time," I answered. "How very +kind of mamma!"</p> + +<p>"Hit the right thing this time, didn't she? How's the riding cap, +Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"It is very nice," I said. "Aunt Gary is very good; and I like the +whip <i>very</i> much, Preston."</p> + +<p>"That fat little rascal will want it. Does the cap fit, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know," I said. "Oh yes, I suppose so."</p> + +<p>Preston made an exclamation, and forthwith would have it tried on to +see how it looked. It satisfied him; somehow it did not please me as +well; but the ride did, which we had soon after; and I found that my +black feather certainly suited everybody else. Darry smiled at me, and +the house servants were exultant over my appearance.</p> + +<p>Amid all these distracting pleasures, I kept on the watch for an +opportunity to speak to Aunt Gary alone. Christmas day I could not. I +could not get it till near the next day.<!-- Page 113 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Aunt Gary," I said, "I want to consult you about something."</p> + +<p>"You have always something turning about in your head," was her +answer.</p> + +<p>"Do you think," said I slowly, "Mr. Edwards would have any objection +to some of the people coming to the kitchen Sunday evenings to hear me +read the Bible?"</p> + +<p>"To hear <i>you</i> read the Bible!" said my aunt.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Aunt Gary; I think they would like it. You know they cannot read +it for themselves."</p> + +<p>"<i>They</i> would like it. And you would be delighted, wouldn't you?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, Aunt Gary. I should like it better than anything."</p> + +<p>"You are a funny child! There is not a bit of your mother in +you—except your obstinacy."</p> + +<p>And my aunt seemed to ponder my difference.</p> + +<p>"Would Mr. Edwards object to it, do you think? Would he let them +come?"</p> + +<p>"The question is whether <i>I</i> will let them come. Mr. Edwards has no +business with what is done in the house."</p> + +<p>"But, Aunt Gary, you would not have any objection."</p> + +<p>"I don't know, I am sure. I wish your father and mother had never left +you in my charge; for I don't know how to take care of you."</p> + +<p>"Aunt Gary," I said, "please don't object! There is nobody to read the +Bible to them—and I should like to do it very much."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I see you would. There—don't get excited about it—every Sunday +evening, did you say?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, ma'am, if you please."<!-- Page 114 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Daisy, it will just tire you; that's what it will do. I know it, just +as well as if I had seen it. You are not strong enough."</p> + +<p>"I am sure it would refresh me, Aunt Gary. It did the other night."</p> + +<p>"The other night?"</p> + +<p>"Christmas eve, ma'am."</p> + +<p>"Did you read to them then?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, ma'am; they wanted to know what Christmas was about."</p> + +<p>"And you read to them. You are the oddest child!"</p> + +<p>"But Aunt Gary, never mind—it would be the greatest pleasure to me. +Won't you give leave?"</p> + +<p>"The servants hear the Bible read, child, every morning and every +night."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but that is only a very few of the house servants. I want some +of the others to come—a good many—as many as can come."</p> + +<p>"I wish your mother and father were here!" sighed my aunt.</p> + +<p>"Do you think Mr. Edwards would make any objection?" I asked again, +presuming on the main question being carried. "Would he let them +come?"</p> + +<p>"Let them come!" echoed my aunt. "Mr. Edwards would be well employed +to interfere with anything the family chose to do."</p> + +<p>"But you know he does not let them meet together, the people, Aunt +Gary; not unless they have his permission."</p> + +<p>"No, I suppose so. That is his business."</p> + +<p>"Then will you speak to him, ma'am, so that he may not be angry with +the people when they come?"</p> + +<p>"I? No," said my aunt. "I have nothing to do with your<!-- Page 115 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span> father's +overseer. It would just make difficulty, maybe, Daisy; you had better +let this scheme of yours alone."</p> + +<p>I could not without bitter disappointment. Yet I did not know how +further to press the matter. I sat still and said nothing.</p> + +<p>"I declare, if she isn't growing pale about it!" exclaimed my aunt. "I +know one thing, and that is, your father and mother ought to have +taken you along with them. I have not the least idea how to manage +you; not the least. What is it you want to do, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>I explained over again.</p> + +<p>"And now if you cannot have this trick of your fancy you will just +fidget yourself sick! I see it. Just as you went driving all about +Melbourne without company to take care of you. I am sure I don't know. +It is not in my way to meddle with overseers—How many people do you +want to read to at once, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"As many as I can, Aunt Gary. But Mr. Edwards will not let two or +three meet together anywhere."</p> + +<p>"Well, I dare say he is right. You can't believe anything in the world +these people tell you, child. They will lie just as fast as they will +speak."</p> + +<p>"But if they came to see <i>me</i>, Aunt Gary?" I persisted, waiving the +other question.</p> + +<p>"That's another thing, of course. Well, don't worry. Call Preston. Why +children cannot be children passes my comprehension."</p> + +<p>Preston came, and there was a good deal of discussing of my plan; at +which Preston frowned and whistled, but on the whole, though I knew +against his will, took my part. The end was, my aunt sent for the +overseer. She had some difficulty, I judge, in<!-- Page 116 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span> carrying the point; +and made capital of my ill-health and delicacy and spoiled-child +character. The overseer's unwilling consent was gained at last; the +conditions being, that every one who came to hear the reading should +have a ticket of leave, written and signed by myself, for each +evening; and that I should be present with the assembly from the +beginning to the close of it.</p> + +<p>My delight was very great. And my aunt, grumbling at the whole matter, +and especially at her share in it, found an additional cause of +grumbling in that, she said, I had looked twenty per cent. better ever +since this foolish thing got possession of my head. "I am wondering," +she remarked to Miss Pinshon, "whatever Daisy will do when she grows +up. I expect nothing but she will be—what do you call them?—one of +those people who run wild over the human race."</p> + +<p>"Pirates?" suggested Preston. "Or corsairs?"</p> + +<p>"Her mother will be disappointed," went on my aunt. "That is what I +confidently expect."</p> + +<p>Miss Pinshon hinted something about the corrective qualities of +mathematics; but I was too happy to heed her or care. I <i>was</i> stronger +and better, I believe, from that day; though I had not much to boast +of. A true tonic had been administered to me; my fainting energies +took a new start.</p> + +<p>I watched my opportunity, and went down to the kitchen one evening to +make my preparations. I found Maria alone and sitting in state before +the fire—which I believe was always in the kitchen a regal one. I +hardly aver saw it anything else. She welcomed me with great suavity; +drew up a chair for me; and finding I had something to say, sat then +quite grave and still looking into the blaze, while I unfolded my +plan.<!-- Page 117 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span></p> + +<p>"De Lord is bery good!" was her subdued comment, made when I had done. +"He hab sent His angel, sure!"</p> + +<p>"Now, Maria," I went on, "you must tell me who would like to come next +Sunday, you think; and I must make tickets for them. Every one must +have my ticket, with his name on it; and then there will be no fault +found."</p> + +<p>"I s'pose not," said Maria—"wid Miss Daisy's name on it."</p> + +<p>"Who will come, Maria?"</p> + +<p>"Laws, chile, dere's heaps. Dere's Darry, and Pete—Pete, he say de +meetin' de oder night war 'bout de best meetin' he eber 'tended; he +wouldn't miss it for not'ing in de world; he's sure; and dere's ole +'Lize; and de two Jems—no, dere's <i>tree</i> Jems dat is ser'ous; and +Stark, and Carl, and Sharlim——"</p> + +<p>"<i>Sharlim</i>?" said I, not knowing that this was the Caffir for +Charlemagne.</p> + +<p>"Sharlim," Maria repeated. "He don' know much; but he has a leanin' +for de good t'ings. And Darry, he can tell who'll come. I done forget +all de folks' names."</p> + +<p>"Why, Maria," I said, "I did not know there were so many people at +Magnolia that cared about the Bible."</p> + +<p>"What has 'um to care for, chile, I should like fur to know? Dere +ain't much mo' in <i>dis</i> world."</p> + +<p>"But I thought there were only very few," I said.</p> + +<p>"'Spose um fifty," said Maria. "Fifty ain't much, I reckon, when +dere's all de rest o' de folks what <i>don't</i> care. De Lord's people is +a little people yet, for sure; and de world's a big place. When de +Lord come Hisself, to look for 'em, 'spect He have to look mighty +hard. De world's awful dark."</p> + +<p>That brought to my mind my question. It was odd, no doubt, to choose +an old coloured woman for my adviser, but indeed, I<!-- Page 118 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span> had not much +choice; and something had given me a confidence in Maria's practical +wisdom, which early as it had been formed, nothing ever happened to +shake. So, after considering the fire and the matter a moment, I +brought forth my doubt.</p> + +<p>"Maria," said I, "what is the best way—I mean, how can one let one's +light shine?"</p> + +<p>"What Miss Daisy talkin' about?"</p> + +<p>"I mean—you know what the Bible says—'Let your light so shine before +men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is +in heaven.'"</p> + +<p>"For sure, I knows dat. Ain't much shining in dese yere parts. De +people is dark, Miss Daisy; dey don' know. 'Spect dey would try to +shine, some on 'em, ef dey knowed. Feel sure dey would."</p> + +<p>"But that is what I wanted to ask about, Maria. How ought one to let +one's light shine?"</p> + +<p>I remember now the kind of surveying look the woman gave me. I do not +know what she was thinking of; but she looked at me, up and down, for +a moment, with a wonderfully tender, soft expression. Then turned +away.</p> + +<p>"How let um light shine?" she repeated. "De bestest way, Miss Daisy, +is fur to make him burn good."</p> + +<p>I saw it all immediately; my question never puzzled me again. Take +care that the lamp is trimmed; take care that it is full of oil; see +that the flame mounts clear and steady towards heaven; and the Lord +will set it where its light will fall on what pleases Him, and where +it will reach, mayhap, to what you never dream of.<!-- Page 119 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + +<h3>WINTER AND SUMMER.</h3> + +<p class="cap">FROM the Christmas holidays I think I began slowly to mend. My aunt +watched me, and grumbled that kitchen amusements and rides with Darry +should prove the medicines most healing and effectual; but she dared +stop neither of them. I believe the overseer remonstrated on the +danger of the night gatherings; but my Aunt Gary had her answer ready, +and warned him not to do anything to hinder me, for I was the apple of +my father's eye. Miss Pinshon, sharing to the full my aunt's +discontent, would have got on horseback, I verily believe, to be with +me in my rides; but she was no rider. The sound of a horse's four feet +always, she confessed, stamped the courage out of her heart. I was let +alone; and the Sunday evenings in the kitchen, and the bright morning +hours in the pine avenues and oak groves, were my refreshment and my +pleasure and my strength.</p> + +<p>What there was of it; for I had not much strength to boast for many a +day. Miss Pinshon tried her favourite recipe whenever she thought she +saw a chance, and I did my best with it. But<!-- Page 120 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span> my education that winter +was quite in another line. I could not bear much arithmetic. Bending +over a desk did not agree with me. Reading aloud to Miss Pinshon never +lasted for more than a little while at a time. So it comes, that my +remembrance of that winter is not filled with school exercises, and +that Miss Pinshon's figure plays but a subordinate part in its +pictures. Instead of that, my memory brings back, first and chiefest +of all, the circle of dark faces round the kitchen light wood fire, +and the yellow blaze on the page from which I read; I, a little figure +in white, sitting in the midst amongst them all. That picture—those +evenings—come back to me, with a kind of hallowed perfume of truth +and hope. Truth, it was in my lips and on my heart; I was giving it +out to those who had it not. And hope—it was in more hearts than +mine, no doubt; but in mine it beat with as steady a beat as the +tickings of my little watch by my side, and breathed sweet as the +flowers that start in spring from under the snow. I had often a large +circle; and it was part of my plan, and well carried into execution, +that these evenings of reading should supply also the place of the +missing prayer-meeting. Gradually I drew it on to be so understood; +and then my pieces of reading were scattered along between the +prayers, or sometimes all came at first, followed by two or three +earnest longer prayers from some of those that were present. And then, +without any planning of mine, came in the singing. Not too much, lest, +as Maria said, we should "make de folks upstairs t'ink dere war +somethin' oncommon in de kitchen;" but one or two hymns we would have, +so full of spirit and sweetness that often nowadays they come back to +me, and I would give very much to hear the like again. So full of +music, too. Voices untrained by art, but gifted by nature; melodious +and<!-- Page 121 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span> powerful; that took different parts in the tune, and carried them +through without the jar of a false note or a false quantity; and a +love both of song and of the truth which made the music mighty. It was +the greatest delight to me that singing, whether I joined them or only +listened. One,—the thought of it comes over me now and brings the +water to my eyes,—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i6">"Am I a soldier of the cross—<br /></span> +<span class="i155">Of the cross—<br /></span> +<span class="i155">Of the cross—<br /></span> +<span class="i65">A follower of the Lamb;<br /></span> +<span class="i65">And shall I fear to own his cause,<br /></span> +<span class="i155">Own his cause—<br /></span> +<span class="i155">Own his cause—<br /></span> +<span class="i65">Or blush to speak his name?"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>The repetitions at the end of every other line were both plaintive and +strong; there was no weakness, but some recognition of what it costs +in certain circumstances to "own His cause." I loved that dearly. But +that was only one of many.</p> + +<p>Also, the Bible words were wonderful sweet to me, as I was giving them +out to those who else had a "famine of the word." Bread to the hungry +is quite another thing from bread on the tables of the full.</p> + +<p>The winter had worn well on, before I received the answer to the +letter I had written my father about the prayer-meetings and Mr. +Edwards. It was a short answer, not in terms but in actual extent; +showing that my father was not strong and well yet. It was very kind +and tender, as well as short; I felt that in every word. In substance, +however, it told me I had better let Mr. Edwards alone. He knew what +he ought to do about the prayer-meetings and about other things; and +they were what I could not judge about. So my letter said. It said, +too, that things seemed strange to me because I was unused to<!-- Page 122 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span> them; +and that when I had lived longer at the South they would cease to be +strange, and I would understand them and look upon them as every one +else did.</p> + +<p>I studied and pondered this letter; not greatly disappointed, for I +had had but slender hopes that my petition could work anything. Yet I +had a disappointment to get over. The first practical use I made of my +letter, I went where I could be alone with it—indeed, I was that when +I read it,—but I went to a solitary lonely place, where I could not +be interrupted; and there I knelt down and prayed, that however long I +might live at the South, I might never get to look upon evil as +anything but evil, nor ever become accustomed to the things I thought +ought not to be, so as not to feel them. I shall never forget that +half hour. It broke my heart that my father and I should look on such +matters with so different eyes; and with my prayer for myself, which +came from the very bottom of my heart, I poured out also a flood of +love and tears over him, and of petition that he might have better +eyesight one day. Ah yes! and before it should be too late to right +the wrong he was unconsciously doing.</p> + +<p>For now I began to see, in the light of this letter first, that my +father's eyes were not clear but blind in regard to these matters. And +what he said about me led me to think and believe that his blindness +was the effect, not of any particular hardness or fault in him, but of +long teaching and habit and custom. For I saw that everybody else +around me seemed to take the present condition of things as the true +and best one; not only convenient, but natural and proper. Everybody, +that is, who did not suffer by it. I had more than suspicions that the +seven hundred on the estate were of a different mind here from the +half dozen who<!-- Page 123 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span> lived in the mansion; and that the same relative +difference existed on the other plantations in the neighbourhood. We +made visits occasionally, and the visits were returned. I was not shut +out from them, and so had some chance to observe things within a +circle of twenty miles. Our "neighbourhood" reached so far. And child +as I was, I could not help seeing: and I could not help looking, half +unconsciously, for signs of what lay so close on my heart.</p> + +<p>My father's letter thus held some material of comfort for me, although +it refused my request. Papa would not overset the overseer's decision +about the prayer-meetings. It held something else. There was a little +scrap of a note to Aunt Gary, saying, in the form of an order, that +Daisy was to have ten dollars paid to her every quarter; that Mrs. +Gary would see it done; and would further see that Daisy was not +called upon, by anybody, at any time, to give any account whatever of +her way of spending the same.</p> + +<p>How I thanked papa for this! How I knew the tender affection and +knowledge of me which had prompted it. How well I understood what it +was meant to do. I had a little private enjoyment of Aunt Gary's +disconsolate face and grudging hands as she bestowed upon me the first +ten dollars. It was not that she loved money so well, but she thought +this was another form of my father's unwise indulging and spoiling of +me; and that I was spoiled already. But I—I saw in a vision a large +harvest of joy, to be raised from this small seed crop.</p> + +<p>At first I thought I must lay out a few shillings of my stock upon a +nice purse to keep the whole in. I put the purse down at the head of +the list of things I was making out, for purchase the first time I +should go to Baytown, or have any good chance<!-- Page 124 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span> of sending. I had a +good deal of consideration whether I would have a purse or a +pocket-book. Then I had an odd secret pleasure in my diplomatic way of +finding out from Darry and Maria and Margaret what were the wants most +pressing of the sick and the old among the people; or of the +industrious and the enterprising. Getting Darry to talk to me in my +rides, by degrees I came to know the stories and characters of many of +the hands; I picked up hints of a want or a desire here and there, +which Darry thought there was no human means of meeting or gratifying. +Then, the next time I had a chance, I brought up these persons and +cases to Maria, and supplemented Darry's hints with her information. +Or I attacked Margaret when she was making my fire, and drew from her +what she knew about the parties in whom I was interested. So I +learned—and put it down in my notebook accordingly—that Pete could +spell out words a little bit, and would like mainly to read; if only +he had a Testament in large type. He could not manage little print; it +bothered him. Also I learned, that Aunt Sarah, a middle-aged woman who +worked in the fields, "wanted terrible to come to de Sabbas meetin's, +but she war 'shamed to come, 'cause her feet was mos' half out of her +shoes; and Mr. Ed'ards wouldn't give her no more till de time come +roun." Sarah had "been and gone and done stuck her feet in de fire for +to warm 'em, one time when dey was mighty cold, and she burn her +shoes. Learn her better next time."</p> + +<p>"But does she work every day in the field with her feet only half +covered?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Laws! she don't care," said Maria. "'Taint no use give dem darkies +not'ng; dey not know how to keep um."</p> + +<p>But this was not Maria's real opinion, I knew. There was<!-- Page 125 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span> often a +strange sort of seeming hard edge of feeling put forth which I learned +to know pointed a deep, deep, maybe only half-conscious irony, and was +in reality a bitter comment upon facts. So a pair of new shoes for +Sarah went down in my list with a large print Testament for Pete. Then +I found that some of the people, some of the old ones, who in youth +had been accustomed to it, like nothing so well as tea; it was +ambrosia and Lethe mingled; and a packet of tea was put in my list +next to the Testament. But the tea must have sugar; and I could not +bear that they should drink it out of mugs, without any teaspoons; so +to please myself I sent for a little delf ware and a few pewter +spoons. Little by little my list grew. I found that Darry knew +something about letters; could write a bit; and would prize the means +of writing as a very rare treasure and pleasure. And with fingers that +almost trembled with delight, I wrote down paper and pens and a bottle +of ink for Darry. Next, I heard of an old woman at the quarters, who +was ailing and infirm, and I am afraid ill-treated, who at all events +was in need of comfort, and had nothing but straw and the floor to +rest her poor bones on at night. A soft pallet for her went down +instantly on my list; my ink and tears mingled together as I wrote; +and I soon found that my purse must be cut off from the head of my +list for that time. I never ventured to put it at the head again; nor +found a chance to put it anywhere else. I spent four winters at +Magnolia after that; and never had a new purse all the time.</p> + +<p>I had to wait awhile for an opportunity to make my purchases; then had +the best in the world, for Darry was sent to Baytown on business. To +him I confided my list and my money, with my mind on the matter; and I +was served to a point and with abso<!-- Page 126 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span>lute secrecy. For that I had +insisted on. Darry and Maria were in my counsels, of course; but the +rest of the poor people knew only by guess who their friend was. Old +Sarah found her new shoes in her hut one evening, and in her noisy +delight declared that "some big angel had come t'rough de quarters." +The cups and saucers it was necessary to own, lest more talk should +have been made about them than at all suited me; Darry let it be +understood that nothing must be said and nobody must know of the +matter; and nobody did; but I took the greatest enjoyment in hearing +from Maria how the old women (and one or two men) gathered together +and were comforted over their cups of tea. And over the <i>cups</i>, Maria +said: the cups and spoons made the tea twice as good; but I doubt +their relish of it was never half so exquisite as mine. I had to give +Pete his Testament; he would not think it the same thing if he did not +have it from my own hand, Maria said; and Darry's pens and ink +likewise. The poor woman for whom I had got the bed was, I fear, +beyond enjoying anything; but it was a comfort to me to know that she +was lying on it. The people kept my secret perfectly; my aunt and +governess never, I believe, heard anything of all these doings; I had +my enjoyment to myself.</p> + +<p>And the Sunday evening prayer-meeting grew, little by little. Old +Sarah and her new shoes were there, of course, at once. Those who +first came never failed. And week by week, as I went into the kitchen +with my Bible, I saw a larger circle; found the room better lined with +dark forms and sable faces. They come up before me now as I write, one +and another. I loved them all. I love them still, for I look to meet +many of them in glory; "where there is neither bond or free." Nay, +that is <i>here</i> and at present, to all who are in Christ; we do not +wait for heaven, to be all one.<!-- Page 127 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span></p> + +<p>And they loved me, those poor people. I think Pete had something the +same sort of notion about me that those Ephesians had of their image +of Diana, which they insisted had fallen from heaven. I used to feel +it then, and be amused by it.</p> + +<p>But I am too long about my story. No wonder I linger, when the +remembrance is so sweet. With this new interest that had come into my +life, my whole life brightened. I was no longer spiritless. My +strength little by little returned. And with the relief of my heart +about my father, my happiness sprung back almost to its former and +usual state when I was at Melbourne. For I had by this time submitted +to my father's and mother's absence as a thing of necessity, and +submitted entirely. Yet my happiness was a subdued sort of thing; and +my Aunt Gary still thought it necessary to be as careful of me, she +said, "as if I were an egg-shell." As I grew stronger, Miss Pinshon +made more and more demands upon my time with her arithmetic lessons +and other things; but my rides with Darry were never interfered with, +nor my Sunday evening readings; and, indeed, all the winter I +continued too delicate and feeble for much school work. My dreaded +governess did not have near so much to do with me as I thought she +would.</p> + +<p>The spring was not far advanced before it was necessary for us to quit +Magnolia. The climate, after a certain day, or rather the air, was not +thought safe for white people. We left Magnolia; and went first to +Baytown and then to the North. There our time was spent between one +and another of several watering-places. I longed for Melbourne; but +the house was shut up; we could not go there. The summer was very +wearisome to me. I did not like the houses in which our time was +spent, or the way of life led in them. Neither did Miss Pinshon, I +think, for she<!-- Page 128 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span> was out of her element, and had no chance to follow +her peculiar vocation. Of course, in a public hotel, we could not have +a schoolroom; and with the coming on of warm weather my strength +failed again so sensibly, that all there was to do was to give me sea +air and bathing, and let me alone. The bathing I enjoyed; those +curling salt waves breaking over my head are the one image of anything +fresh or refreshing which my memory has kept. I should have liked the +beach; I did like it; only it was covered with bathers, or else with +promenaders in carriages and on foot, at all times when I saw it; and +though they were amusing, the beach was spoiled. The hotel rooms were +close and hot; I missed all the dainty freedom and purity of my own +home; the people I saw were, it seemed to me, entirely in keeping with +the rooms; that is, they were stiff and fussy, not quiet and busy. +They were busy after their own fashion, indeed; but it always seemed +to me busy about nothing. The children I saw too did not attract me; +and I fear I did not attract them. I was sober-hearted and low-toned +in spirit and strength; while they were as gay as their elders. And I +was dressed according to my mother's fancy, in childlike style, +without hoops, and with my hair cropped short all over my head. They +were stately with crinoline, and rich with embroidery, stiff with fine +dresses and plumes; while a white frock and a flat straw were all my +adornment, except a sash. I think they did not know what to make of +me; and I am sure I had nothing in common with them; so we lived very +much apart. There was a little variation in my way of life when +Preston came; yet not much. He took me sometimes to drive, and did +once go walking with me on the beach; but Preston found a great deal +where I found nothing, and was all the time taken up with people and +pleasures;<!-- Page 129 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span> boating and yachting and fishing expeditions; and I +believe with hops and balls too. But I was always fast asleep at those +times.</p> + +<p>It was a relief to me when the season came to an end, and we went to +New York to make purchases before turning southward. I had once hoped, +that this time, the year's end might see my father and mother come +again. That hope had faded and died a natural death a long while ago. +Letters spoke my father's health not restored: he was languid and +spiritless and lacked vigour; he would try the air of Switzerland; he +would spend the winter in the Pyrenees! If that did not work well, my +mother hinted, perhaps he would have to try the effect of a long sea +voyage. Hope shrunk into such small dimensions that it filled but a +very little corner of my heart. Indeed, for the present I quite put it +by and did not look at it. One winter more must pass, at any rate, and +maybe a full year, before I could possibly see my father and mother at +home. I locked the door for the present upon hope; and turned my +thoughts to what things I had left with me. Chiefest of all these were +my poor friends at Magnolia. My money had accumulated during the +summer; I had a nice little sum to lay out for them, and in New York I +had chance to do it well, and to do it myself, which was a great +additional pleasure. As I could, bit by bit, when I was with Aunt Gary +shopping, when I could get leave to go out alone with a careful +servant to attend me, I searched the shops and catered and bought, for +the comfort and pleasure of—seven hundred! I could do little. Nay, +but it was for so many of those that I could reach with my weak hands; +and I did not despise that good because I could not reach them all. A +few more large-print Testaments I laid in; some copies of the<!-- Page 130 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span> Gospel +of John, in soft covers and good type; a few hymn books. All these +cost little. But for Christmas gifts, and for new things to give help +and comfort to my poor pensioners, I both plagued and bewitched my +brain. It was sweet work. My heart went out towards making <i>all</i> the +people happy for once, at Christmas; but my purse would not stretch so +far; I had to let that go, with a thought and a sigh.</p> + +<p>One new thing came very happily into my head, and was worth a Peruvian +mine to me, in the pleasure and business it gave. Going into a large +greenhouse with my aunt, who wanted to order a bouquet, I went +wandering round the place while she made her bargain. For my Aunt Gary +made a bargain of everything. Wandering in thought as well, whither +the sweet breath of the roses and geraniums led me, I went back to +Molly in her cottage at Melbourne, and the Jewess geranium I had +carried her, and the rose tree; and suddenly the thought started into +my head, might not my dark friends at Magnolia, so quick to see and +enjoy anything of beauty that came in their way—so fond of bright +colour and grace and elegance—a luxurious race, even in their +downtrodden condition; might not <i>they</i> also feel the sweetness of a +rose, or delight in the petals of a tulip? It was a great idea; it +grew into a full-formed purpose before I was called to follow Aunt +Gary out of the greenhouse. The next day I went there on my own +account. I was sure I knew what I wanted to do; but I studied a long +time the best way of doing it. Roses? I could hardly transport pots +and trees so far; they were too cumbersome. Geraniums were open to the +same objection, besides being a little tender as to the cold. Flower +seeds could not be sown, if the people had them; for no patch of +garden belonged to their stone huts, and they had no time to +cultivate<!-- Page 131 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span> such a patch if they had it. I must give what would call +for no care, to speak of, and make no demands upon overtasked strength +and time. Neither could I afford to take anything of such bulk as +would draw attention or call on questions and comments. I knew, as +well as I know now, what would be thought of any plan of action which +supposed a <i>love of the beautiful</i> in creatures the only earthly use +of whom was to raise rice and cotton; who in fact were not half so +important as the harvests they grew. I knew what unbounded scorn would +visit any attempts of mine to minister to an æsthetic taste in these +creatures; and I was in no mind to call it out upon myself. All the +while I knew better. I knew that Margaret and Stephanie could put on a +turban like no white woman I ever saw. I knew that even Maria could +take the full effect of my dress when I was decked—as I was +sometimes—for a dinner party; and that no fall of lace or knot of +ribbon missed its errand to her eye. I knew that a <i>picture</i> raised +the liveliest interest in all my circle of Sunday hearers; and that +they were quick to understand and keen to take its bearings, far more +than Molly Skelton would have been, more than Logan, our Scotch +gardener at Melbourne, or than my little old friend Hephzibah and her +mother. But the question stood, In what form could I carry beauty to +them out of a florist's shop? I was fain to take the florist into my +partial confidence. It was well that I did. He at once suggested +bulbs. Bulbs! would they require much care? Hardly any; no trouble at +all. They could be easily transported: easily kept. All they wanted +was a little pot of earth when I was ready to plant them; a little +judicious watering; an unbounded supply of sunshine. And what sorts of +bulbs were there? I asked diplomatically; not myself knowing, to tell +truth, what bulbs were at all. Plenty of sorts, the<!-- Page 132 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span> florist said; +there were hyacinths, all colours; and tulips, striped and plain, and +very gay; and crocuses, those were of nearly all colours too; and +ranunculus, and anemones, and snowdrops. Snowdrops were white; but of +several of the other kinds I could have every tint in the rainbow, +both alone and mixed. The florist stood waiting my pleasure, and +nipped off a dead leaf or two as he spoke, as if there was no hurry +and I could take my time. I went into happy calculation, as to how far +my funds would reach; gave my orders, very slowly and very carefully; +and went away the owner of a nice little stock of tulips, narcissus, +crocuses, and above all, hyacinths. I chose gay tints, and at the same +time inexpensive kinds; so that my stock was quite large enough for my +purposes; it mattered nothing to me whether a sweet double hyacinth +was of a new or an old kind, provided it was of first-rate quality; +and I confess it matters almost as little to me now. At any rate, I +went home a satisfied child; and figuratively speaking, dined and +supped off tulips and hyacinths, instead of mutton and bread and +butter.</p> + +<p>That afternoon it fell out that my aunt took me with her to a +milliner's on some business. In the course of it, some talk arose +about feathers and the value of them; and my aunt made a remark which, +like Wat Tyrrell's arrow, glanced from its aim and did execution in a +quarter undreamed of.</p> + +<p>"That feather you put in the little riding cap you sent me," she said +to the milliner—"your black feather, Daisy, you know—you charged me +but fifteen dollars for that; why is this so much more?"</p> + +<p>I did not hear the milliner's answer. My whole thought went off upon a +track entirely new to me, and never entered before<!-- Page 133 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span> My feather cost +fifteen dollars! Fifteen dollars! Supposing I had that to buy tulips +with? or in case I had already tulips enough, suppose I had it to buy +print gowns for Christmas presents to the women, which I had desired +and could not afford? Or that I had it to lay out in tea and sugar, +that my poor old friends might oftener have the one solace that was +left to them, or that more might share it? Fifteen dollars! It was +equal to one quarter and a half's allowance. My fund for more than a +third of the year would be doubled, if I could turn that black feather +into silver or gold again. And the feather was of no particular use +that I could see. It made me look like the heiress of Magnolia, my +aunt said; but neither could I see any use in <i>that</i>. Everybody knew, +that is, all the servants and friends of the family knew, that I was +that heiress; I needed no black feather to proclaim it. And now it +seemed to me as if my riding cap was heavy with undeveloped bulbs, +uncrystallized sugar, unweighed green tea. No transformation of the +feather was possible; it must wave over my brow in its old fashion, +whether it were a misguided feather or not; but my thoughts, once set +a going in this train, found a great deal to do. Truth to tell, they +have not done it all yet.</p> + +<p>"Aunt Gary," I said that same evening, musing over the things in my +boxes, "does lace cost much?"</p> + +<p>"That is like the countryman who asked me once, if it took long to +play a piece of music! Daisy, don't you know any more about lace than +to ask such a question?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know what it costs, Aunt Gary. I never bought any."</p> + +<p>"Bought! No; hardly. You are hardly at the age to <i>buy</i> lace yet. But +you have worn a good deal of it."</p> + +<p>"I cannot tell what it cost by looking at it," I answered.<!-- Page 134 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Well, <i>I</i> can. And you will, one day, I hope; if you ever do anything +like other people."</p> + +<p>"Is it costly, ma'am?"</p> + +<p>"Your lace is rather costly," my aunt said, with a tone which I felt +implied satisfaction.</p> + +<p>"How much?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"How much does it cost? Why it is the countryman's question over +again, Daisy. Lace is all sorts of prices. But the lace you wear is, I +judge, somewhere about three and five, and one of your dresses ten, +dollars a yard. That is pretty rich lace for a young lady of your +years to wear."</p> + +<p>I never wore it, I must explain, unless in small quantity, except on +state occasions when my mother dressed me as part of herself.</p> + +<p>"No, I am wrong," my aunt added, presently; "that dress I am thinking +of is richer than that; the lace on that robe was never bought for ten +dollars, or fifteen either. What do you want to know about it for, +Daisy?"</p> + +<p>I mused a great deal. Three and five, and ten, and fifteen dollars a +yard, on lace trimmings for me—and no tea, no cups and saucers, no +soft bed, no gardens and flowers, for many who were near me. I began +to fill the meshes of my lace with responsibilities too heavy for the +delicate fabric to bear. Nobody liked the looks of it better than I +did. I always had a fancy for lace, though not for feathers; its rich, +delicate, soft falls, to my notion, suited my mother's form and style +better than anything else, and suited me. My taste found no fault. But +now that so much good was wrought into its slight web, and so much +silver lay hidden in every embroidered flower, the thing was changed. +Graceful, and becoming, and elegant, more than any other<!-- Page 135 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span> adornment; +what then? My mother and father had a great deal of money, too, to +spare; enough, I thought, for lace and for the above tea and sugar, +too; what then? And what if not enough? I pondered till my Aunt Gary +broke out upon me, that I would grow a wizened old woman if I sat +musing at that rate, and sent me to bed. It stopped my pondering for +that night; but not for all the years since that night.</p> + +<p>My preparations were quite made before my aunt got her feathers +adjusted to her satisfaction; and in the bright days of autumn we went +back again to Magnolia. This was a joyful journey and a glad arriving, +compared to last year; and the welcome I got was something which +puzzled my heart between joy and sorrow many times during the first +few days.</p> + +<p>And now Miss Pinshon's reign fairly began. I was stronger in health, +accustomed to my circumstances; there was no longer any reason that +the multiplication table and I should be parted. My governess was +determined to make up for lost time; and the days of that winter were +spent by me between the study table and fire. That is, when I think of +that winter my memory finds me there. Multiplication and its +correlatives were the staple of existence; and the old book room of my +grandfather was the place where my harvests of learning were sown and +reaped.</p> + +<p>Somehow, I do not think the crops were heavy. I tried my best, and +Miss Pinshon certainly tried her best. I went through and over immense +fields of figures; but I fancy the soil did not suit the growth. I +know the fruits were not satisfactory to myself, and, indeed, were not +fruits at all, to my sense of them; but rather dry husks and hard nut +shells, with the most tasteless of small kernels inside. Yet Miss +Pinshon did not seem unsatisfied; and, indeed, occasionally remarked +that she believed<!-- Page 136 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span> I meant to be a good child. Perhaps that was +something out of my governess's former experience; for it was the only +style of commendation I ever knew her indulge in, and I always took it +as a compliment.</p> + +<p>It would not do to tell all my childish life that winter. I should +never get through. For a child has as many experiences in her little +world as people of fifty years old have in theirs; and to her they are +not little experiences. It was not a small trial of mind and body to +spend the long mornings in the study over the curious matters Miss +Pinshon found for my attention; and after the long morning the shorter +afternoon session was un-mixed weariness. Yet I suffered most in the +morning; because then there was some life and energy within me which +rebelled against confinement, and panted to be free and in the open +air, looking after the very different work I could find or make for +myself. My feet longed for the turf; my fingers wanted to throw down +the slate pencil and gather up the reins. I had a good fire and a +pleasant room; but I wanted to be abroad in the open sunshine, to feel +the sweet breath of the air in my face, and see the grey moss wave in +the wind. That was what I had been used to all my life; a sweet wild +roaming about, to pick up whatever pleasure presented itself. I +suppose Miss Pinshon herself had never been used to it nor known it; +for she did not seem to guess at what was in my mind. But it made my +mornings hard to get through. By the afternoon the spirit was so +utterly gone out of me and everything, that I took it all in a +mechanical stupid way; and only my back's aching made me impatient for +the time to end.</p> + +<p>I think I was fond of knowledge and fond of learning. I am sure of it, +for I love it dearly still. But there was no joy about<!-- Page 137 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span> it at +Magnolia. History, as I found it with my governess, was not in the +least like the history I had planned on my tray of sand, and pointed +out with red and black headed pins. There was life and stir in that, +and progress. Now there was nothing but a string of names and dates to +say to Miss Pinshon. And dates were hard to remember, and did not seem +to mean anything. But Miss Pinshon's favourite idea was mathematics. +It was not my favourite idea; so every day I wandered through a +wilderness of figures and signs which were a weariness to my mind and +furnished no food for it. Nothing was pleasant to me in my schoolroom, +excepting my writing lessons. They were welcomed as a relief from +other things.</p> + +<p>When the studies for the day were done, the next thing was to prepare +for a walk. A walk with Miss Pinshon alone, for my aunt never joined +us. Indeed, this winter my aunt was not unfrequently away from +Magnolia altogether; finding Baytown more diverting. It made a little +difference to me; for when she was not at home, the whole day, +morning, afternoon and evening, meal times and all times, seemed under +a leaden grey sky. Miss Pinshon discussed natural history to me when +we were walking—not the thing, but the science; she asked me +questions in geography when we were eating breakfast, and talked over +some puzzle in arithmetic when we were at dinner. I think it was +refreshing to her; she liked it; but to me, the sky closed over me in +lead colour, one unbroken vault, as I said, when my aunt was away. +With her at home, all this could not be; and any changes of colour +were refreshing.</p> + +<p>All this was not very good for me. My rides with Darry would have been +a great help; but now I only got a chance at them now and then. I grew +spiritless and weary. Sundays I<!-- Page 138 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span> would have begged to be allowed to +stay at home all day and rest; but I knew if I pleaded fatigue my +evenings with the people in the kitchen would be immediately cut off; +not my drives to church. Miss Pinshon always drove the six miles to +Bolingbroke every Sunday morning, and took me with her. Oh how long +the miles were! how weary I was, with my back aching and trying to +find a comfortable corner in the carriage; how I wanted to lie down on +the soft cushions in the pew and go to sleep during the service. And +when the miles home were finished, it seemed to me that so was I. Then +I used to pray to have strength in the evening to read with the +people. And I always had it; or at least I always did it. I never +failed; though the rest of the Sunday hours were often spent on the +bed. But, indeed, that Sunday evening reading was the one thing that +saved my life from growing, or settling, into a petrifaction. Those +hours gave me cheer, and some spirit to begin again on Monday morning.</p> + +<p>However, I was not thriving. I know I was losing colour, and sinking +in strength, day by day; yet very gradually; so that my governess +never noticed it. My aunt sometimes, on her return from an absence +that had been longer than common, looked at me uneasily.</p> + +<p>"Miss Pinshon, what ails that child?" she would ask.</p> + +<p>My governess said, "Nothing." Miss Pinshon was the most immovable +person, I think, I have ever known. At least, so far as one could +judge from the outside.</p> + +<p>"She looks to me," my aunt went on, "exactly like a cabbage, or +something else, that has been blanched under a barrel. A kind of +unhealthy colour. She is not strong."</p> + +<p>"She has more strength than she shows," my governess answered. "Daisy +has a good deal of strength."<!-- Page 139 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Do you think so?" said my aunt, looking doubtfully at me. But she was +comforted. And neither of them asked me about it.</p> + +<p>One thing in the early half of the winter was a great help; and for a +while stayed my flitting spirits and strength. My father wrote an +order, that Daisy should make arrangements for giving all the people +on the plantation a great entertainment at Christmas. I was to do what +I liked and have whatever I chose to desire; no one altering or +interfering with my word. I shall never forget the overflowing of +largest joy, with which my heart swelled as I ran in to tell this news +to Aunt Gary. But first I had to kneel down and give thanks for it.</p> + +<p>I never saw my aunt more displeased about anything. Miss Pinshon only +lifted up her black eyes and looked me over. They did not express +curiosity or anything else; only observation. My aunt spoke out.</p> + +<p>"I think there must be some mistake, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"No, Aunt Gary; papa says just that."</p> + +<p>"You mean the house servants, child."</p> + +<p>"No, ma'am; papa says every one; all the people on the place."</p> + +<p>"He means the white people, you foolish child; everybody's head is not +full of the servants, as yours is."</p> + +<p>"He says the coloured people, Aunt Gary; all of them. It is <i>only</i> the +coloured people."</p> + +<p>"Hear her!" said my aunt. "Now she would rather entertain them, I +don't doubt, than the best company that could be gathered of her own +sort."</p> + +<p>I certainly would. Did I not think with joy at that very minute of the +words, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the<!-- Page 140 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span> least of <i>these</i>, ye +have done it unto me?" I knew what guest would be among my poor +despised company. But I said not a word.</p> + +<p>"Daisy," said my aunt, "you <i>must</i> be under a mistake; you must let me +see what your father says. Why, to give all these hundreds an +entertainment, it would cost—have you any idea what it would cost?"</p> + +<p>I had not indeed. But my father's letter had mentioned a sum which was +to be the limit of my expenditure; within which I was to be unlimited. +It was a large sum, amounting to several hundreds, and amply +sufficient for all I could wish to do. I told my aunt.</p> + +<p>"Well!" she said, twisting herself round to the fire, "if your father +has money to fling about like that, I have of course no more to say."</p> + +<p>Miss Pinshon looked up again at me. Those black eyes were always the +same; the eyelids never drooped over them. "What are you going to do, +Daisy?" she asked.</p> + +<p>Truly I did not know, yet. I gave my aunt a note to the overseer from +my father, which I begged her to forward; and ran away to take sweet +counsel with myself.</p> + +<p>I had had some little experience of such an entertainment in the +strawberry festival at Melbourne. I remembered that good things to eat +and drink were sure to be enjoyed, and not these only, but also a +pretty and festive air thrown about these things. And much more would +this be true among the beauty-loving, and luxurious-natured children +of the tropics, than with the comparatively barbarous Celtic blood. +But between entertaining thirty and seven hundred there was a +difference. And between the season of roses and fruits, and the time +of mid-winter, even<!-- Page 141 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span> though in a southern clime, there was another +wide difference. I had need of a great deal of counsel-taking with +myself, and I took it; and it was very good for me. In every interval +between mathematical or arithmetical problems, my mind ran off to this +other one, with infinite refreshment.</p> + +<p>Then I consulted Maria; she was a great help to me. I thought at first +I should have to build a place to hold our gatherings in; the home +kitchen was not a quarter large enough. But Darry told me of an empty +barn not far off, that was roomy and clean. By virtue of my full +powers I seized upon this barn. I had it well warmed with stoves; +Darry saw to that for me, and that they were well and safely put up; I +had it adorned and clothed and made gay with evergreens and flowers, +till it was beautiful. The carpenters on the place put up long tables, +and fitted plenty of seats. Then I had some rough kitchens +extemporised outside of it; and sent for loads of turkeys from +Baytown; and for days before and after Christmas my band of cooks were +busy, roasting and baking and cake-making. Coffee was brewed without +measure, as if we had been a nation of Arabs. And then tickets were +furnished to all the people on the place, tickets of admission; and +for all the holidays, or for Christmas and three days after, I kept +open house at the barn. Night and day I kept open house. I went and +came myself, knowing that the sight of me hindered nobody's pleasure; +but I let in no other white person, and I believe I gained the lasting +ill-will of the overseer by refusing him. I stood responsible for +everybody's good behaviour, and had no forfeits to pay. And enjoyment +reigned, during those days, in the barn; a gay enjoyment, full of talk +and of singing as well as of feasting; full of laughter and jokes, and +full of utmost good-humour and kind<!-- Page 142 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span>ness from one to another. Again, +most unlike a party of Celtic origin. It was enjoyment to me too; very +great; though dashed continually by the thought how rare and strange +it was to those around me. Only for my sake and dependent on my little +hand of power; having no guarantee or security else for its ever +coming again. As the holiday drew near its end, my heart grew sore +often at the thought of all my poor friends going back into their +toil, hopeless and spiritless as it was, without one ray to brighten +the whole year before them till Christmas should come round again. Ay, +and this feeling was quickened every now and then by a word, or a +look, or a tone, which told me that I was not the only one who +remembered it. "Christmas is almos' gone, Tony," I heard one fine +fellow say to another at the end of the third day; and under the words +there was a thread of meaning which gave a twitch to my heartstrings. +There were bursts of song mingled with all this, which I could not +bear to hear. In the prayer-meetings I did not mind them; here, in the +midst of festivities, they almost choked me. "I'm going home" sounded +now so much as if it were in a strange land; and once when a chorus of +them were singing, deep and slow, the refrain,</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i6">"In the morning—<br /></span> +<span class="i65">Chil'len, in the morning—"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>I had a great heartbreak, and sat down and cried behind my sugarplums.</p> + +<p>I can bear to think of it all now. There were years when I could not.</p> + +<p>After this entertainment was over, and much more stupid ones had been +given among polished people at the house, and the New Year had swept +in upon us with its fresh breeze of life<!-- Page 143 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span> and congratulations, the +winter and Miss Pinshon settled down for unbroken sway.</p> + +<p>I had little to help me during those months from abroad. That is, I +had nothing. My father wrote seldom. My mother's letters had small +comfort for me. They said that papa's health mended slowly—was very +delicate—he could not bear much exertion—his head would not endure +any excitement. They were trying constant changes of scene and air. +They were at Spa, at Paris, at Florence, at Vevay, in the Pyrenees; +not staying long anywhere. The physicians talked of a long sea voyage. +From all which I gradually brought down my hopes into smaller and +smaller compass; till finally I packed them up and stowed them away in +the hidden furthermost corner of my heart, only to be brought out and +looked at when there should be occasion. Spring came without the least +prospect that such occasion would be given me soon. My father and +mother were making preparation to journey in Norway; and already there +was talk of a third winter in Egypt! It was hoped that all these +changes were not without some slow and certain effect in the way of +improvement. I think on me they had another sort of effect.</p> + +<p>Spring as usual drove us away from Magnolia. This summer was spent +with my Aunt Gary at various pleasant and cool up-country places, +where hills were, and brooks, and sweet air, and flowers, and where I +might have found much to enjoy. But always Miss Pinshon was with me, +and the quiet and freedom of these places, with the comparative cool +climate, made it possible for her to carry on all her schemes for my +improvement just as steadily as though we had been at Magnolia. And I +had not Darry and my pony, which indeed, the latter had been of<!-- Page 144 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span> small +use to me this year; and I had not my band of friends on the Sunday +evening; and even my own maid Margaret Aunt Gary had chosen to leave +behind. Miss Pinshon's reign was absolute. I think some of the Medusa +properties Preston used to talk about must have had their effect upon +me at this time. I remember little of all that summer, save the work +for Miss Pinshon, and the walks with Miss Pinshon, and a general +impression of those black eyes and inflexible voice, and mathematics +and dates, and a dull round of lesson getting. Not knowledge +getting—that would have been quite another affair. I seemed to be all +the while putting up a scaffolding, and never coming to work on the +actual Temple of Learning itself. I know we were in beautiful regions +that summer, but my recollection is not of them but of rows of +figures; and of a very grave, I think dull, and very quiet little +personage, who went about like a mouse for silentness, and gave no +trouble to anybody excepting only to herself.</p> + +<p>The next winter passed as the winter before had done, only I had no +Christmas entertainment. My father and mother were in Egypt—perhaps +he did not think of it. Perhaps he did not feel that he could afford +it. Perhaps my aunt and the overseer had severally made +representations to which my father thought it best to listen. I had no +festivities at any rate for my poor coloured people; and it made my +own holidays a very shaded thing.</p> + +<p>I found, however, this winter one source of amusement, and in a +measure, of comfort. In the bookcases which held my grandfather's +library, there was a pretty large collection of books of travel. I +wanted to know just then about Egypt, that I might the better in +imagination follow my father and mother. I searched<!-- Page 145 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span> the shelves for +Egypt, and was lucky enough to light upon several works of authority +and then recent observation. I feasted on these. I began in the +middle, then very soon went back to the beginning, and read +delightedly, carefully, patiently, through every detail and discussion +in which the various authors indulged. Then I turned all their +pictures into living panorama; for I fancied my father and mother in +every place, looking at every wonder they described; and I enjoyed not +merely what they described, but my father's and mother's enjoyment of +it. This was a rare delight to me. My favourite place was the corner +of the study fire, at dusk, when lessons and tiresome walks for the +day were done, and Miss Pinshon was taking her ease elsewhere in some +other way. I had the fire made up to burn brightly, and pine knots at +hand to throw on if wanted; and with the illumination dancing all over +my page, I went off to regions of enchantment, pleasant to me beyond +any fairy tale. I never cared much for things that were not true. No +chambers of Arabian fancy could have had the fascination for me of +those old Egyptian halls, nor all the marvels of magic entranced me +like the wonder-working hand of time. Those books made my comfort and +my diversion all the winter. For I was not a galloping reader; I went +patiently through every page; and the volumes were many enough and +interesting enough to last me long. I dreamed under the Sphynx; I +wandered over the pyramids; no chamber nor nook escaped me; I could +have guided a traveller—in imagination. I knew the prospect from the +top, though I never wrote my name there. It seemed to me that <i>that</i> +was barbarism. I sailed up the Nile—delightful journeys on board the +Nile boats—forgetting Miss Pinshon and mathematics, except when I +rather pitied the ancient Egyptians for being so devoted<!-- Page 146 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span> to the +latter; forgetting Magnolia, and all the home things I could not do +and would have liked to do; forgetting everything, and rapt in the +enjoyment of tropical airs, and Eastern skies; hearing the plash of +water from the everlasting <i>shadoof</i>, and watching the tints and +colours on the ranges of hills bordering the Nile valley. All <i>my</i> +hills were green; the hues of those others were enough of themselves +to make an enchanted land. Still more, as I stopped at the various old +temples along the way, my feeling of enchantment increased. I threaded +the mazes of rubbish, and traced the plans of the ruins of Thebes, +till I was at home in every part of them. I studied the hieroglyphics +and the descriptions of the sculptures, till the names of Thothmes +III., and Amunoph III., and Sethos and Rameses, Miamun and Rameses +III., were as well known to me as the names of the friends whom I met +every Sunday evening. I even studied out the old Egyptian mythology, +the better to be able to understand the sculptures, as well as the +character of those ancient people who wrought them, and to be able to +fancy the sort of services that were celebrated by the priests in the +splendid enclosures of the temples.</p> + +<p>And then I went higher up the Nile, and watched at the uncovering of +those wonderful colossal figures which stand, or sit, before the +temple of Abou-Simbel. I tried to imagine what manner of things such +large statues could be; I longed for one sight of the faces, said to +be so superb, which showed what the great Rameses looked like. Mamma +and papa could see them, that was a great joy. Belzoni was one of my +prime favourites; and I liked particularly to travel with him, both +there and at the Tombs of the Kings. There were some engravings +scattered through the various volumes, and a good many plans,<!-- Page 147 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span> which +helped me. I studied them faithfully, and got from them all they could +give me.</p> + +<p>In the Tombs of the Kings, my childish imagination found, I think, its +highest point of revelling and delight. Those were something stranger, +more wonderful, and more splendid, even than Abou-Simbel and Karnak. +Many an evening, while the firelight from a Southern pine knot danced +on my page, I was gone on the wings of fancy thousands of miles away; +and went with discoverers or explorers up and down the passages and +halls and staircases and chambers, to which the entrance is from +<i>Biban el Malook</i>. I wandered over the empty sarcophagi; held my +breath at the pit's sides; and was never tired of going over the +scenes and sculptures done in such brilliant colours upon those white +walls. Once in there, I quite forgot that mamma and papa could see +them; I was so busy seeing them myself.</p> + +<p>This amusement of mine was one which nobody interfered with, and it +lasted, as I said, all winter. All the winter my father and mother +were in Egypt. When spring came, I began to look with trembling +eagerness for a letter that should say they would turn now homewards. +I was disappointed. My father was so much better that his physicians +were encouraged to continuing their travelling regimen; and the word +came that it was thought best he should try a long sea voyage—he was +going to China, my mother would go with him.</p> + +<p>I think never in my life my spirits sank lower than they did when I +heard this news. I was not strong nor very well, which might have been +in part the reason. And I was dull-hearted to the last degree under +the influence of Miss Pinshon's system of management. There was no +power of reaction in me. It was<!-- Page 148 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span> plain that I was failing; and my aunt +interrupted the lessons, and took me again to watering-places at the +North, from one to another, giving me as much change as possible. It +was good for me to be taken off study, which Miss Pinshon had pressed +and crowded during the winter. Sea bathing did me good, too; and the +change of scene and habits was useful. I did not rise to the level of +enjoying anything much; only the sea waves when I was in them; at +other times I sat on the bank and watched the distant smokestack of a +steamer going out, with an inexpressible longing and soreness of +heart. Going where I would so like to go! But there was no word of +that. And indeed it would not have been advisable to take me to China. +I did think Egypt would not have been bad for me; but it was a thought +which I kept shut up in the farthest stores of my heart.</p> + +<p>The sea voyage however was delayed. My mother took sick, was very ill, +and then unable to undertake the going to China. My father chose to +wait for her; so the summer was spent by them in Switzerland and the +autumn in Paris. With the first of the New Year they expected now to +sail. It suddenly entered my Aunt Gary's head that it was a good time +for <i>her</i> to see Paris; and she departed, taking Ransom with her, whom +my father wished to place in a German university, and meantime in a +French school. Preston had been placed at the Military Academy at West +Point, my aunt thinking that it made a nice finishing of a gentleman's +education, and would keep him out of mischief till he was grown to +man's estate. I was left alone with Miss Pinshon to go back to +Magnolia and take up my old life there.<!-- Page 149 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + +<h3>SINGLEHANDED.</h3> + +<p class="cap">AS my aunt set sail for the shores of Europe, and Miss Pinshon and I +turned our faces towards Magnolia, I seemed to see before me a weary +winter. I was alone now; there was nobody to take my part in small or +great things; my governess would have her way. I was so much stronger +now that no doubt she thought I could bear it. So it was. The full +tale of studies and tasks was laid on me; and it lay on me from +morning till night.</p> + +<p>I had expected that. I had looked also for the comfort and refreshment +of ministering to my poor friends in the kitchen on the Sunday +evenings. I began as usual with them. But as the Sundays came round, I +found now and then a gap or two in the circle; and the gaps as time +went on did not fill up; or if they did they were succeeded by other +gaps. My hearers grew fewer, instead of more; the fact was undoubted. +Darry was always on the spot; but the two Jems not always, and Pete +was not sure, and Eliza failed sometimes, and others; and this grew<!-- Page 150 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span> +worse. Moreover, a certain grave and sad air replaced the enjoying, +almost jocund, spirit of gladness which used to welcome me and listen +to the reading and join in the prayers and raise the song. The singing +was not less good than it used to be; but it fell oftener into the +minor key, and then poured along with a steady, powerful volume, +deepening and steadying as it went, which somehow swept over my heart +like a wind from the desert. I could not well tell why, yet I felt it +trouble me; sometimes my heart trembled with the thrill of those sweet +and solemn vibrations. I fancied that Darry's prayer had a somewhat +different atmosphere from the old. Yet when I once or twice asked +Margaret the next morning why such and such a one had not been at the +reading, she gave me a careless answer, that she supposed Mr. Edwards +had found something for them to do.</p> + +<p>"But at night, Margaret?" I said. "Mr. Edwards cannot keep them at +work at night."</p> + +<p>To which she made no answer; and I was for some reason unwilling to +press the matter. But things went on, not getting better but worse +until I could not bear it. I watched my opportunity and got Maria +alone.</p> + +<p>"What is the matter," I asked, "that the people do not come on Sunday +evening as they used? Are they tired of the reading, Maria?"</p> + +<p>"I 'spect dey's as tired as a fish mus' be of de water," said Maria. +She had a fine specimen under her hand at the moment, which I suppose +suggested the figure.</p> + +<p>"Then why do they not come as usual, Maria? there were only a few last +night."</p> + +<p>"Dere was so few, it was lonesome," said Maria.</p> + +<p>"Then what is the reason?"<!-- Page 151 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Dere is more reasons for t'ings, den Maria can make out," she said +thoughtfully. "Mebbe it's to make 'em love de priv'lege mo'."</p> + +<p>"But what keeps them away, Maria? what hinders?"</p> + +<p>"Chile, de Lord hab His angels, and de debil he hab his ministers; and +dey takes all sorts o' shapes, de angels and de ministers too. I +reckon dere's some work o' dat sort goin' on."</p> + +<p>Maria spoke in a sort of sententious wisdom which did not satisfy me +at all. I thought there was something behind.</p> + +<p>"Who is doing the work, Maria?" I asked, after a minute.</p> + +<p>"Miss Daisy," she said, "dere ain't no happenin' at all widout de Lord +lets it happen. Dere is much contrairy in dis world—fact, dere is; +but I 'spect de Lord make it up to us by'm by."</p> + +<p>And she turned her face full upon me with a smile of so much quiet +resting in that truth, that for just a moment it silenced me.</p> + +<p>"Miss Daisy ain't looking quite so peart as she use to look," Maria +went on. But I slipped away from that diversion.</p> + +<p>"Maria," I said, "you don't tell me what is the matter; and I wish to +know. What keeps the people, Pete, and Eliza, and all, from coming? +What hinders them, Maria? I wish to know."</p> + +<p>Maria busied herself with her fish for a minute, turning and washing +it; then, without looking up from her work, she said, in a lowered +tone,—</p> + +<p>"'Spect de overseer, he don't hab no favour to such ways and +meetin's."</p> + +<p>"But with <i>me</i>?" I said; "and with Aunt Gary's leave?"</p> + +<p>"'Spose he like to fix t'ings his own way," said Maria.</p> + +<p>"Does he forbid them to come?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"I reckon he do," she said, with a sigh.<!-- Page 152 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span></p> + +<p>Maria was very even-tempered, quiet, and wise, in her own way. Her +sigh went through my heart. I stood thinking what plan I could take.</p> + +<p>"De Lord is berry good, Miss Daisy," she said, cheerily, a moment +after; "and dem dat love Him, dere can be no sort o' separation, no +ways."</p> + +<p>"Does Mr. Edwards forbid them <i>all</i> to come?" I asked. "For a good +many do come."</p> + +<p>"'Spect he don't like de meetin's, nohow," said Maria.</p> + +<p>"But does he tell all the people they must not come?"</p> + +<p>"I reckon he make it oncomfor'ble for 'em," Maria answered gravely. +"Dere is no end o' de mean ways o' sich folks. Know he ain't no +gentleman, nohow!"</p> + +<p>"What does he do, Maria?" I said, trembling, yet unable to keep back +the question.</p> + +<p>"He can do what he please, Miss Daisy," Maria said, in the same grave +way. "'Cept de Lord above, dere no one can hinder—now massa so fur. +Bes' pray de Lord, and mebbe He sen' His angel, some time."</p> + +<p>Maria's fish was ready for the kettle; some of the other servants came +in, and I went with a heavy heart up the stairs. "Massa so fur"—yes! +I knew that; and Mr. Edwards knew it too. Once sailed for China, and +it would be long, long, before my cry for help, in the shape of one of +my little letters, could reach him and get back the answer. My heart +felt heavy as if I could die, while I slowly mounted the stairs to my +room. It was not only that trouble was brought upon my poor friends, +nor even that their short enjoyment of the word of life was hindered +and interrupted; above this and worse than this was the sense of +<i>wrong</i> done to these helpless people, and done by my own<!-- Page 153 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span> father and +mother. This sense was something too bitter for a child of my years to +bear; it crushed me for a time. Our people had a right to the Bible as +great as mine; a right to dispose of themselves as true as my father's +right to dispose of himself. Christ, my Lord, had died for them as +well as for me; and here was my father—<i>my father</i>—practically +saying that they should not hear of it, nor know the message He had +sent to them. And if anything could have made this more bitter to me, +it was the consciousness that the <i>reason</i> of it all was that we might +profit by it. Those unpaid hands wrought that our hands might be free +to do nothing; those empty cabins were bare, in order that our houses +might be full of every soft luxury; those unlettered minds were kept +unlettered that the rarest of intellectual wealth might be poured into +our treasury. I knew it. For I had written to my father once to beg +his leave to establish schools, where the people on the plantation +might be taught to read and write. He had sent a very kind answer, +saying it was just like his little Daisy to wish such a thing, and +that his wish was not against it, if it could be done; but that the +laws of the State, and for wise reasons, forbade it. Greatly puzzled +by this, I one day carried my puzzle to Preston. He laughed at me as +usual, but at the same time explained that it would not be safe; for +that if the slaves were allowed books and knowledge, they would soon +not be content with their condition, and would be banding together to +make themselves free. I knew all this, and I had been brooding over +it; and now when the powerful hand of the overseer came in to hinder +the little bit of good and comfort I was trying to give the people, my +heart was set on fire with a sense of sorrow and wrong that, as I +said, no child ought ever to know.<!-- Page 154 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span></p> + +<p>I think it made me ill. I could not eat. I studied like a machine, and +went and came as Miss Pinshon bade me; all the while brooding by +myself and turning over and over in my heart the furrows of thought +which seemed at first to promise no harvest. Yet those furrows never +break the soil for nothing. In due time the seed fell; and the fruit +of a ripened purpose came to maturity.</p> + +<p>I did not give up my Sunday readings, even although the number of my +hearers grew scantier. As many as could, we met together to read and +to pray, yes, and to sing. And I shall never in this world hear such +singing again. One refrain comes back to me now—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i6">"Oh, had I the wings of the morning—<br /></span> +<span class="i65">Oh, had I the wings of the morning—<br /></span> +<span class="i65">Oh, had I the wings of the morning—<br /></span> +<span class="i95">I'd fly to my Jesus away!"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>I used to feel so too, as I listened and sometimes sung with them.</p> + +<p>Meantime, all that I could do with my quarterly ten dollars, I did. +And there was many a little bit of pleasure I could give; what with a +tulip here and a cup of tea there, and a bright handkerchief, or a +pair of shoes. Few of the people had spirit and cultivation enough to +care for the flowers. But Maria cherished some red and white tulips +and a hyacinth in her kitchen window, as if they had been her +children; and to Darry a white rose-tree I had given him seemed almost +to take the place of a familiar spirit. Even grave Pete, whom I only +saw now and then this winter at my readings, nursed and tended and +watched a bed of crocuses with endless delight and care. All the +while, my Sunday circle of friends grew constantly fewer; and the +songs<!-- Page 155 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span> that were sung at our hindered meetings had a spirit in them, +which seemed to me to speak of a deep-lying fire somewhere in the +hearts of the singers, hidden, but always ready to burst into a blaze. +Was it because the fire was burning in my own heart?</p> + +<p>I met one of the two Jems in the pine-avenue one day. He greeted me +with the pleasantest of broad smiles.</p> + +<p>"Jem," said I, "why don't you come to the house Sunday evenings any +more?"</p> + +<p>"It don't 'pear practical, missie." Jem was given to large-sized +words, when he could get hold of them.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Edwards hinders you?"</p> + +<p>"Mass' Ed'ards berry smart man, Miss Daisy. He want massa's work done +up all jus' so."</p> + +<p>"And he says that the prayer-meeting hinders the work, Jem?"</p> + +<p>"Clar, missis, Mass' Ed'ards got long head; he see furder den me," Jem +said, shaking his own head as if the whole thing were beyond him. I +let him go. But a day or two after I attacked Margaret on the subject. +She and Jem, I knew, were particular friends. Margaret was oracular +and mysterious, and looked like a thundercloud. I got nothing from +her, except an increase of uneasiness. I was afraid to go further in +my inquiries; yet could not rest without. The house servants, I knew, +would not be likely to tell me anything that would trouble me if they +could help it. The only exception was mammy Theresa; who with all her +love for me had either less tact, or had grown from long habit +hardened to the state of things in which she had been brought up. From +her, by a little cross questioning, I learned that Jem and others had +been forbidden to come to the Sunday readings; and their disobeying +had been<!-- Page 156 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span> visited with the lash, not once nor twice; till, as mammy +Theresa said, "'peared like it warn't no use to try to be good agin de +devil."</p> + +<p>And papa was away on his voyage to China—away on the high seas, where +no letter could reach him; and Mr. Edwards knew that. There was a fire +in my heart now that burned with sharp pain. I felt as if it would +burn my heart out. And now took shape and form one single aim and +purpose, which became for years the foremost one of my life. It had +been growing and gathering. I set it clear before me from this time.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile, my mother's daughter was not willing to be entirely baffled +by the overseer. I arranged with Darry that I would be at the +cemetery-hill on all pleasant Sunday afternoons, and that all who +wished to hear me read, or who wished to learn themselves, might meet +me there. The Sunday afternoons were often pleasant that winter. I was +constantly at my post; and many a one crept round to me from the +quarters and made his way through the graves and the trees to where I +sat by the iron railing. We were safe there. Nobody but me liked the +place. Miss Pinshon and the overseer agreed in shunning it. And there +was promise in the blue sky, and hope in the soft sunshine, and +sympathy in the sweet rustle of the pine-leaves. Why not? Are they not +all God's voices? And the words of the Book were very precious there, +to me and many another. I was rather more left to myself of late. My +governess gave me my lessons quite as assiduously as ever; but after +lesson-time she seemed to have something else to take her attention. +She did not walk often with me as the spring drew near; and my Sunday +afternoons were absolutely unquestioned.</p> + +<p>One day in March I had gone to my favourite place to get out<!-- Page 157 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span> a +lesson. It was not Sunday afternoon, of course. I was tired with my +day's work, or I was not very strong; for though I had work to do, the +witcheries of nature prevailed with me to put down my book. The scent +of pine-buds and flowers made the air sweet to smell, and the spring +sun made it delicious to feel. The light won its way tenderly among +the trees, touching the white marble tombstones behind me, but resting +with a more gentle ray upon the moss and turf where only little bits +of rough board marked the sleeping-places of our dependants. Just out +of sight, through the still air I could hear the river, in its +rippling, flow past the bank at the top of which I sat. My book hung +in my hand, and the course of Universal History was forgotten, while I +mused and mused over the two sorts of graves that lay around me, the +two races, the diverse fate that attended them, while one blue sky was +over, and one sunlight fell down. And "while I was musing the fire +burned" more fiercely than ever David's had occasion when he wrote +those words, "Then spake I with my tongue." I would have liked to do +that. But I could do nothing; only pray.</p> + +<p>I was very much startled while I sat in my muse to hear a footstep +coming. A steady, regular footstep; no light trip of children; and the +hands were in the field, and this was not a step like any of them. My +first thought was, the overseer's come to spy me out. The next minute +I saw through the trees and the iron railings behind me that it was +not the overseer. I knew <i>his</i> wideawake; and this head was crowned +with some sort of a cap. I turned my head again and sat quiet; willing +to be overlooked, if that might be. The steps never slackened. I heard +them coming round the railing—then just at the corner—I looked up to +see the cap lifted, and a smile coming upon<!-- Page 158 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span> features that I knew; but +my own thoughts were so very far away that my visitor had almost +reached my side before I could recollect who it was. I remember I got +up then in a little hurry.</p> + +<p>"It is Doctor Sandford!" I exclaimed, as his hand took mine.</p> + +<p>"Is it, Daisy?" answered the doctor.</p> + +<p>"I think so," I said.</p> + +<p>"And I <i>think</i> so," he said, looking at me after the old fashion. "Sit +down, and let me make sure."</p> + +<p>"You must sit on the grass, then," I said.</p> + +<p>"Not a bad thing, in such a pleasant place," he rejoined, sending his +blue eye all round my prospect. "But it is not so pleasant a place as +White Lake, Daisy."</p> + +<p>Such a flood of memories and happy associations came rushing into my +mind at these words—he had not given them time to come in slowly. I +suppose my face showed it, for the doctor looked at me and smiled as +he said, "I see it <i>is</i> Daisy; I think it is certainly Daisy. So you +do not like Magnolia?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I do," I said, wondering where he got that conclusion. "I like +the <i>place</i> very much, if——"</p> + +<p>"I should like to have the finishing of that 'if'—if you have no +objection."</p> + +<p>"I like the <i>place</i>," I repeated. "There are some things about it I do +not like."</p> + +<p>"Climate, perhaps?"</p> + +<p>"I did not mean the climate. I do not think I meant anything that +belonged to the place itself."</p> + +<p>"How do you do?" was the doctor's next question.</p> + +<p>"I am very well, sir."</p> + +<p>"How do you know it?"<!-- Page 159 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I suppose I am," I said. "I am not sick. I always say I am well."</p> + +<p>"For instance, you are so well that you never get tired?"</p> + +<p>"Oh I get tired very often. I always did."</p> + +<p>"What sort of things make you tired? Do you take too long drives in +your pony-chaise?"</p> + +<p>"I have no pony-chaise now, Dr. Sandford. Loupe was left at Melbourne. +I don't know what became of him."</p> + +<p>"Why didn't you bring him along? But any other pony would do, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"I don't drive at all, Dr. Sandford. My aunt and governess do not like +to have me drive as I used to do. I wish I could!"</p> + +<p>"You would like to use your pony and chaise again?"</p> + +<p>"Very much. I know it would rest me."</p> + +<p>"And you have a governess, Daisy? That is something you had not at +Melbourne."</p> + +<p>"No," I said.</p> + +<p>"A governess is a very nice thing," said the doctor, taking off his +hat and leaning back against the iron railing, "if she knows properly +how to set people to play."</p> + +<p>"To play!" I echoed. "I don't know whether Miss Pinshon approves of +play."</p> + +<p>"Oh! She approves of work then, does she?"</p> + +<p>"She likes work," I answered.</p> + +<p>"Keeps you busy?"</p> + +<p>"Most of the day, sir."</p> + +<p>"The evenings you have to yourself?"</p> + +<p>"Sometimes. Not always. Sometimes I cannot get through with my +lessons, and they stretch on into the evening."</p> + +<p>"How many lessons does this lady think a person of your<!-- Page 160 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span> age and +capacity can manage in the twenty-four hours?" said the doctor, taking +out his knife as he spoke and beginning to trim the thorns off a bit +of sweetbriar he had cut. I stopped to make the reckoning.</p> + +<p>"Give me the course of your day, Daisy. And by-the-by when does your +day begin?"</p> + +<p>"It begins at half past seven, Dr. Sandford."</p> + +<p>"With breakfast?"</p> + +<p>"No, sir. I have a recitation before breakfast."</p> + +<p>"Please of what?"</p> + +<p>"Miss Pinshon always begins with mathematics."</p> + +<p>"As a bitters. Do you find that it gives you an appetite?"</p> + +<p>By this time I was very near bursting into tears. The familiar voice +and way, the old time they brought back, the contrasts they forced +together, the different days of Melbourne and of my Southern home, the +forms and voices of mamma and papa, they all came crowding and +flitting before me. I was obliged to delay my answer. I knew that Dr. +Sandford looked at me; then he went on in a very gentle way—</p> + +<p>"Sweetbriar is sweet, Daisy,"—putting it to my nose. "I should like +to know how long does mathematics last, before you are allowed to have +coffee?"</p> + +<p>"Mathematics only lasts half an hour. But then I have an hour of study +in mental philosophy before breakfast. We breakfast at nine."</p> + +<p>"It must take a great deal of coffee to wash down all that," said the +doctor, lazily trimming his sweetbriar. "Don't you find that you are +very hungry when you come to breakfast?"</p> + +<p>"No, not generally," I said.</p> + +<p>"How is that? where there is so much sharpening of the wits, people +ought to be sharp otherwise."<!-- Page 161 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span></p> + +<p>"My wits do not get sharpened," I said, half laughing. "I think they +get dull; and I am often dull altogether by breakfast time."</p> + +<p>"What time in the day do you walk?"</p> + +<p>"In the afternoon, when we have done with the schoolroom. But lately +Miss Pinshon does not walk much."</p> + +<p>"So you take the best of the day for philosophy?"</p> + +<p>"No, sir, for mathematics."</p> + +<p>"Oh! Well, Daisy, <i>after</i> philosophy and mathematics have both had +their turn, what then?—when breakfast is over."</p> + +<p>"Oh, they have two or three more turns in the course of the day," I +said. "Astronomy comes after breakfast; then Smith's 'Wealth of +Nations;' then chemistry. Then I have a long history lesson to recite; +then French. After dinner we have natural philosophy, and physical +geography and mathematics; and then we have generally done."</p> + +<p>"And then what is left of you goes to walk," said the doctor.</p> + +<p>"No, not very often now," I said. "I don't know why—Miss Pinshon has +very much given up walking of late."</p> + +<p>"Then what becomes of you?"</p> + +<p>"I do not often want to do much of anything," I said. "To-day I came +here."</p> + +<p>"With a book," said the doctor. "Is it work or play?"</p> + +<p>"My history lesson," I said, showing the book. "I had not quite time +enough at home."</p> + +<p>"How much of a lesson, for instance?" said the doctor, taking the book +and turning over the leaves.</p> + +<p>"I had to make a synopsis of the state of Europe from the third +century to the tenth—synchronising the events and the names."<!-- Page 162 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span></p> + +<p>"In writing?"</p> + +<p>"I might write it if I chose, I often do, but I had to give the +synopsis from memory."</p> + +<p>"Does it take long to prepare, Daisy?" said the doctor, still turning +over the leaves.</p> + +<p>"Pretty long," I said, "when I am stupid. Sometimes I <i>cannot</i> do the +synchronising, my head gets so thick; and I have to take two or three +days for it."</p> + +<p>"Don't you get punished for letting your head get thick?"</p> + +<p>"Sometimes I do."</p> + +<p>"And what is the system of punishment at Magnolia for such deeds?"</p> + +<p>"I am kept in the house for the rest of the afternoon sometimes," I +said; "or I have an extra problem in mathematics to get out for the +next morning."</p> + +<p>"And <i>that</i> keeps you in, if the governess don't."</p> + +<p>"Oh no," I said; "I never can work at it then. I get up earlier the +next morning."</p> + +<p>"Do you do nothing for exercise but those walks, which you do not +take?"</p> + +<p>"I used to ride last year," I said; "and this year I was stronger, and +Miss Pinshon gave me more studies; and somehow I have not cared to +ride so much. I have felt more like being still."</p> + +<p>"You must have grown tremendously wise, Daisy," said the doctor, +looking round at me now with his old pleasant smile. I cannot tell the +pleasure and comfort it was to me to see him; but I think I said +nothing.</p> + +<p>"It is near the time now when you always leave Magnolia, is it not?"<!-- Page 163 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Very near now."</p> + +<p>"Would it trouble you to have the time a little anticipated?"</p> + +<p>I looked at him, in much doubt what this might mean. The doctor +fumbled in his breast pocket and fetched out a letter.</p> + +<p>"Just before your father sailed for China, he sent me this. It was +some time before it reached me; and it was some time longer before I +could act upon it."</p> + +<p>He put a letter in my hand, which I, wondering, read. It said, the +letter did, that papa was not at ease about me; that he was not +satisfied with my aunt's report of me, nor with the style of my late +letters; and begged Dr. Sandford would run down to Magnolia at his +earliest convenience and see me, and make inquiry as to my well-being; +and if he found things not satisfactory, as my father feared he might, +and judge that the rule of Miss Pinshon had not been good for me on +the whole, my father desired that Dr. Sandford would take measures to +have me removed to the North and placed in one of the best schools +there to be found; such a one as Mrs. Sandford might recommend. The +letter further desired that Dr. Sandford would keep a regular watch +over my health, and suffer no school training nor anything else to +interfere with it; expressing the writer's confidence that Dr. +Sandford knew better than any one what was good for me.</p> + +<p>"So you see, Daisy," the doctor said, when I handed him back the +letter, "your father has constituted me in some sort your guardian +until such time as he comes back."</p> + +<p>"I am very glad," I said, smiling.</p> + +<p>"Are you? That is kind. I am going to act upon my authority +immediately, and take you away."</p> + +<p>"From Magnolia?" I said breathlessly.</p> + +<p>"Yes. Wouldn't you like to go and see Melbourne again for a little +while?"<!-- Page 164 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Melbourne!" said I; and I remember how my cheeks grew warm. +"But—will Miss Pinshon go to Melbourne?"</p> + +<p>"No; she will not. Nor anywhere else, Daisy, with my will and +permission, where you go. Will that distress you very much?"</p> + +<p>I could not say yes, and I believe I made no answer, my thoughts were +in such a whirl.</p> + +<p>"Is Mrs. Sandford in Melbourne—I mean, near Melbourne—now?" I asked +at length.</p> + +<p>"No, she is in Washington. But she will be going to the old place +before long. Would you like to go, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>I could hardly tell him. I could hardly think. It began to rush over +me, that this parting from Magnolia was likely to be for a longer time +than usual. The river murmured by—the sunlight shone on the groves on +the hillside. Who would look after my poor people?</p> + +<p>"You like Magnolia after all?" said the doctor. "I do not wonder, so +far as Magnolia goes, you are sorry to leave it."</p> + +<p>"No," I said, "I am not sorry at all to leave Magnolia; I am very +glad. I am only sorry to leave—some friends."</p> + +<p>"Friends?" said the doctor.</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"How many friends?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know," said I. "I think there are a hundred or more."</p> + +<p>"Seriously?"</p> + +<p>"Oh yes," I said. "They are all on the place here."</p> + +<p>"How long will you want, Daisy, to take proper leave of these +friends?"</p> + +<p>I had no idea he was in such practical haste; but I found it was so.<!-- Page 165 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2> + +<h3>EGYPTIAN GLASS.</h3> + +<p class="cap">IT became necessary for me to think how soon I could be ready, and +arrange to get my leave-takings over by a certain time. Dr. Sandford +could not wait for me. He was an army surgeon now, I found, and +stationed at Washington. He had to return to his post and leave Miss +Pinshon to bring me up to Washington. I fancy matters were easily +arranged with Miss Pinshon. She was as meek as a lamb. But it never +was her way to fight against circumstances. The doctor ordered that I +should come up to Washington in a week or two.</p> + +<p>I did not know till he was gone what a hard week it was going to be.</p> + +<p>As soon as he had turned his back upon Magnolia, my leave-takings +began. I may say they began sooner; for in the morning after his +arrival, when Margaret was in my room, she fell to questioning me +about the truth of the rumour that had reached the kitchen. Jem said I +was going away, not to come back. I do not know how he had got hold of +the notion. And<!-- Page 166 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span> when I told her it was true, she dropped the pine +splinters out of her hands, and rising to her feet, besought me that I +would take her with me. So eagerly she besought me, that I had much +difficulty to answer.</p> + +<p>"I shall be in a school, Margaret," I said. "I could not have anybody +there to wait on me."</p> + +<p>"Miss Daisy won't never do everything for herself?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I must," I said. "All the girls do."</p> + +<p>"I'd hire out then, Miss Daisy, while you don't want me—I'd be right +smart—and I'd bring all my earnin's to you regular. 'Deed I will! +Till Miss Daisy want me herself."</p> + +<p>I felt my cheeks flush. She would bring <i>her</i> earnings to <i>me</i>. Yes, +that was what we were doing.</p> + +<p>"'Clar, Miss Daisy, do don't leave me behind! I could take washin' and +do all Miss Daisy's things up right smart—don't believe they knows +how to do things up there!—I'll come to no good if I don't go with +Miss Daisy, sure."</p> + +<p>"You can be good here as well as anywhere, Margaret," I said.</p> + +<p>"Miss Daisy don' know. Miss Daisy, s'pose the devil walkin' round +about a place; think it a nice place fur to be good in?"</p> + +<p>"The devil is not in Magnolia more than anywhere else," I said.</p> + +<p>"Dere Mass' Edwards—" Margaret said half under her breath. Even in my +room she would not speak the name out loud.</p> + +<p>The end of it was, that I wrote up to Washington to Dr. Sandford to +ask if I might take the girl with me; and his answer came back, that +if it were any pleasure to me I certainly might. So that matter was +settled. But the parting with the<!-- Page 167 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span> rest was hard. I do not know +whether it was hardest for them or for me. Darry blessed me and prayed +for me. Maria wept over me. Theresa mourned and lamented. Tears and +wailings came from all the poor women who knew me best and used to +come to the Sunday readings: and Pete took occasion to make private +request, that when I was grown, or when at any time I should want a +manservant, I would remember and send for him. He could do anything, +he said; he could drive horses or milk cows or take care of a garden, +or <i>cook</i>. It was said in a subdued voice, and though with a gleam of +his white circle of teeth at the last-mentioned accomplishment, it was +said with a depth of grave earnestness which troubled me. I promised +as well as I could; but my heart was very sore for my poor people, +left now without anybody, even so much as a child, to look after their +comfort and give them any hopes for one world or the other.</p> + +<p>Those heavy days were done at last. Margaret was speedy with my +packing; a week from the time of Dr. Sandford's coming, I had said my +last lesson to Miss Pinshon, read my last reading to my poor people, +shaken the last hand-shakings; and we were on the little steamer +plying down the Sands river.</p> + +<p>I think I was wearied out, for I remember no excitement or interest +about the journey, which ought to have had so much for me. In a +passive state of mind I followed Miss Pinshon from steamer to station; +from one train of cars to another; and saw the familiar landscape flit +before me as the cars whirled us on. At Baytown we had been joined by +a gentleman who went with us all the rest of the way; and I began by +degrees to comprehend that my governess had changed her vocation, and +instead of taking care, as heretofore, was going to be taken care of. +It did not interest me. I saw it, that was all. I saw Margaret's<!-- Page 168 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span> +delight, too, shown by every quick and thoughtful movement that could +be of any service to me, and by a certain inexpressible air of +deliverance which sat on her, I cannot tell how, from her bonnet down +to her shoes. But her delight reminded me of those that were not +delivered.</p> + +<p>I think of all the crushing griefs that a young person can be called +to bear, one of the sorest is the feeling of wrongdoing on the part of +a beloved father or mother. I was sure that my father, blinded by old +habit and bound by the laws of the country, did not in the least +degree realise the true state of the matter. I knew that the real +colour of his gold had never been seen by him. Not the less, <i>I</i> knew +now that it was bloody; and what was worse, though I do not know <i>why</i> +it should be worse, I knew that it was soiled. I knew that greed and +dishonour were the two collectors of our revenue, and <i>wrong</i> our +agent. Do I use strong words? They are not too strong for the feelings +which constantly bore upon my heart, nor too bitter; though my +childish heart never put them into such words at the time. That my +father did not know, saved my love and reverence for him; but it did +not change anything else.</p> + +<p>In the last stage of our journey, as we left a station where the train +had stopped, I noticed a little book left on one of the empty seats of +the car. It lay there and nobody touched it: till we were leaving the +car at Alexandria and almost everybody had gone out, and I saw that it +lay there still and nobody would claim it. In passing I took it up. It +was a neat little book, with gilt edges, no name in it, and having its +pages numbered for the days of the year. And each page was full of +Bible words. It looked nice. I put the book in my pocket; and on board +the ferry-boat opened it again, and looked for the date of<!-- Page 169 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span> the day in +March where we were. I found the words—"He preserveth the way of his +saints." They were the words heading the page. I had not time for +another bit; but as I left the boat this went into my heart like a +cordial.</p> + +<p>It was a damp, dark morning. The air was chill as we left the little +boat cabin; the streets were dirty; there was a confusion of people +seeking carriages or porters or baggage or custom; then suddenly I +felt as if I had lighted on a tower of strength, for Dr. Sandford +stood at my side. A good-humoured sort of a tower he looked to me, in +his steady, upright bearing; and his military coat helped the +impression of that. I can see now his touch of his cap to Miss +Pinshon, and then the quick glance which took in Margaret and me. In +another minute I had shaken hands with my governess, and was in a +carriage with Margaret opposite me; and Dr. Sandford was giving my +baggage in charge to somebody. And then he took his place beside me +and we drove off. And I drew a long breath.</p> + +<p>"Punctual to your time, Daisy," said the doctor. "But what made you +choose such a time? How much of yourself have you left by the way?"</p> + +<p>"Miss Pinshon liked better to travel all night," I said, "because +there was no place where she liked to stop to spend the night."</p> + +<p>"What was your opinion on that subject?"</p> + +<p>"I was more tired than she was, I suppose."</p> + +<p>"Has she managed things on the same system for the four years past?"</p> + +<p>The doctor put the question with such a cool gravity, that I could not +help laughing. Yet I believe my laughing was very near crying. At +first he did so put me in mind of all that was<!-- Page 170 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span> about me when I used +to see him in that time long before. And an inexpressible feeling of +comfort was in his presence now; a feeling of being taken care of. I +had been looked after, undoubtedly, all these years—sharply looked +after; there was never a night that I could go to sleep without my +governess coming in to see that I was in my room, or in bed, and my +clothes in order, and my light where it ought to be. And my aunt had +not forgotten me, nor her perplexities about me. And Preston had +petted me when he was near. But even Preston sometimes lost sight of +me in the urgency of his own pleasure or business. There was a great +difference in the strong hand of Dr. Sandford's care; and if you had +ever looked into his blue eyes, you would know that they forgot +nothing. They had always fascinated me; they did now.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Sandford was not up when we got to the house where she was +staying. It was no matter, for a room was ready for me; and Dr. +Sandford had a nice little breakfast brought, and saw me eat it, just +as if I were a patient. Then he ordered me to bed, and charged +Margaret to watch over me, and he went away, as he said, till luncheon +time.</p> + +<p>I drew two or three long breaths as Margaret was undressing me; I felt +so comfortable.</p> + +<p>"Are Miss Pinshon done gone away, Miss Daisy?" my handmaid asked.</p> + +<p>"From Magnolia? yes."</p> + +<p>"Where she gwine to?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know."</p> + +<p>"Then she don't go furder along the way we're goin'?"</p> + +<p>"No. I wonder, Margaret, if they will have any prayer-meetings in +Magnolia now?" For with the mention of Magnolia my thoughts swept +back.<!-- Page 171 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span></p> + +<p>"'Spect the overseer have his ugly old way!" Margaret uttered with +great disgust. "Miss Daisy done promise me, I go 'long with Miss +Daisy?" she added.</p> + +<p>"Yes. But what makes <i>you</i> want to get away from home more than all +the rest of them?"</p> + +<p>"Reckon I'd done gone kill myself, s'pose Miss Daisy leave me there," +the girl said gloomily. "If dey send me down South, I <i>would</i>."</p> + +<p>"Send you South!" I said; "they would not do that, Margaret."</p> + +<p>"Dere was man wantin' to buy me—give mighty high price, de overseer +said." In excitement Margaret's tongue sometimes grew thick, like +those of her neighbours.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Edwards has no right to sell anybody away from the place," I +insisted, in mixed unbelief and horror.</p> + +<p>"Dunno," said Margaret. "Don't make no difference, Miss Daisy. Who +care what he do? Dere's Pete's wife—"</p> + +<p>"Pete's wife?" said I. "I didn't know Pete was married! What of Pete's +wife?"</p> + +<p>"Dat doctor will kill me, for sure!" said Margaret, looking at me. +"Do, don't, Miss Daisy! The doctor say you must go right to bed, now. +See! you ain't got your clothes off."</p> + +<p>"Stop," said I. "What about Pete's wife?"</p> + +<p>"I done forget. I thought Miss Daisy knowed. Mebbe it's before Miss +Daisy come home."</p> + +<p>"What?" said I. "What?"</p> + +<p>"It's nothin', Miss Daisy. The overseer he done got mad with Pete's +wife and he sold her down South, he did."</p> + +<p>"Away from Pete?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Pete, he's to de old place," said Margaret, laconically.<!-- Page 172 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span> "'Spect he +forgot all about it by dis time. Miss Daisy please have her clothes +off and go to bed?"</p> + +<p>There was nothing more to wait for. I submitted, was undressed; but +the rest and sleep which had been desired were far out of reach now. +Pete's wife?—my good, strong, gentle, and I remembered always +<i>grave</i>, Pete! My heart was on fire with indignation and torn to +pieces with sorrow, both at once. Torn with the helpless feeling too +that I could not mend the wrong. I do not mean this individual wrong, +but the whole state of things under which such wrong was possible. I +was restless on my bed, though very weary. I would rather have been up +and doing something, than to lie and look at my trouble; only that +being there kept me out of the way of seeing people and of talking. +Such things done under my father and mother's own authority,—on their +own land—to their own helpless dependants; whom yet it was <i>they</i> +made helpless and kept subject to such possibilities. I turned and +tossed, feeling that I <i>must</i> do something, while yet I knew I could +do nothing. Pete's wife! And where was she now? And <i>that</i> was the +secret of the unvarying grave shadow that Pete's brow always wore. And +now that I had quitted Magnolia, no human friend for the present +remained to all that crowd of poor and ignorant and needy humanity. +Even their comfort of prayer forbidden; except such comfort as each +believer might take by himself alone.</p> + +<p>I did not know, I never did know till long after, how to many at +Magnolia that prohibition wrought no harm. I think Margaret knew, and +even then did not dare tell me. How the meetings for prayer were not +stopped. How watch was kept on certain nights, till all stir had +ceased in the little community; till lights were out in the overseer's +house (and at the great house,<!-- Page 173 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span> while we were there); and how then, +silently and softly from their several cabins, the people stole away +through the woods to a little hill beyond the cemetery, quite far out +of hearing or ken of anybody; and there prayed, and sang too, and +"praised God and shouted," as my informant told me; not neglecting all +the while to keep a picket watch about their meeting-place, to give +the alarm in case anybody should come. So under the soft moonlight +skies and at depth of night, the meetings which I had supposed broken +up, took new life, and grew, and lived; and prayers did not fail; and +the Lord hearkened and heard.</p> + +<p>It would have comforted me greatly if I could have known this at the +time. But, as I said, I supposed Margaret dared not tell me. After a +long time of weary tossing and heartache, sleep came at last to me; +but it brought Pete and his wife and the overseer and Margaret in new +combinations of trouble; and I got little refreshment.</p> + +<p>"Now you have waked up, Miss Daisy?" said Margaret when I opened my +eyes. "That poundin' noise has done waked you!"</p> + +<p>"What noise?"</p> + +<p>"It's no Christian noise," said Margaret. "What's the use of turnin' +the house into a clap of thunder like that? But a man was makin' it o' +purpose, for I went out to see; and he telled me it was to call folks +to luncheon. Will you get up, Miss Daisy?"</p> + +<p>Margaret spoke as if she thought I had much better lie still; but I +was weary of the comfort I had found there and disposed to try +something else. I had just time to be ready before Dr. Sandford came +for me and took me to his sister-in-law. Mrs. Sandford welcomed me +with great kindness, even tenderness; exclaimed at my growth; but I +saw by her glance at the doctor<!-- Page 174 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span> that my appearance in other respects +struck her unfavourably. He made no answer to that, but carried us off +to the luncheon-room.</p> + +<p>There were other people lodging in the house besides my friends; a +long table was spread. Dr. Sandford, I saw, was an immense favourite. +Questions and demands upon his attention came thick and fast from both +ends and all sides of the table; about all sorts of subjects and in +all manner of tones, grave and gay. And he was at home to them all, +but in the midst of it never forgot me. He took careful heed to my +luncheon; prepared one thing, and called for another; it reminded me +of a time long gone by; but it did not help me to eat. I could not +eat. The last thing he did was to call for a fresh raw egg, and break +it into a half glass of milk. With this in his hand we left the +dining-room. As soon as we got to Mrs. Sandford's parlour he gave it +to me and ordered me to swallow it. I suppose I looked dismayed.</p> + +<p>"Poor child!" said Mrs. Sandford. "Let me have it beaten up for her, +Grant, with some sugar; she can't take it so."</p> + +<p>"Daisy has done harder things," he said.</p> + +<p>I saw he expected me to drink it, and so I did, I do not know how.</p> + +<p>"Thank you," he said smiling, as he took the glass. "Now sit down and +I will talk to you."</p> + +<p>"How she is growing tall, Grant!" said Mrs. Sandford.</p> + +<p>"Yes," said he. "Did you sleep well, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"No, sir; I couldn't sleep. And then I dreamed."</p> + +<p>"Dreaming is not a proper way of resting. So tired you could not +sleep?"</p> + +<p>"I do not think it was that, Dr. Sandford."<!-- Page 175 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Do you know what it was?"</p> + +<p>"I think I do," I said, a little unwillingly.</p> + +<p>"She is getting very much the look of her mother," Mrs. Sandford +remarked again. "Don't you see it, Grant?"</p> + +<p>"I see more than that," he answered. "Daisy, do you think this +governess of yours has been a good governess?"</p> + +<p>I looked wearily out of the window, and cast a weary mental look over +the four years of algebraics and philosophy at the bright little child +I saw at the further end of them.</p> + +<p>"I think I have grown dull, Dr. Sandford," I said.</p> + +<p>He came up behind me, and put his arms round me, taking my hand in +his, and spoke in quite a different tone.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, have you found many 'wonderful things' at Magnolia?"</p> + +<p>I looked up, I remember, with the eagerness of a heart full of +thoughts, in his face; but I could not speak then.</p> + +<p>"Have you looked through a microscope since you have been there, and +made discoveries?"</p> + +<p>"Not in natural things, Dr. Sandford."</p> + +<p>"Ha!" said the doctor. "Do you want to go and take a drive with me?"</p> + +<p>"Oh yes!"</p> + +<p>"Go and get ready then, please."</p> + +<p>I had a very pleasant, quiet drive; the doctor showing me, as he said, +not wonderful things but new things, and taking means to amuse me. And +every day for several days I had a drive. Sometimes we went to the +country, sometimes got out and examined something in the city. There +was a soothing relief in it all, and in the watchful care taken of me +at home, and the absence of mathematics and philosophy. All day when +not<!-- Page 176 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span> driving or at meals, I lay on Mrs. Sandford's sofa or curled +myself up in the depth of a great easy-chair, and turned over her +books; or studied my own blue book which I had picked up in the car, +and which was so little I had Margaret to make a big pocket in my +frock to hold it. But this life was not to last. A few days was all +Mrs. Sandford had to spend in Washington.</p> + +<p>The place I liked best to go to was the Capitol. Several times Dr. +Sandford took me there, and showed me the various great rooms, and +paintings, and smaller rooms with their beautiful adornments; and I +watched the workmen at work; for the renewing of the building was not +yet finished. As long as he had time to spare, Dr. Sandford let me +amuse myself as I would; and often got me into talks which refreshed +me more than anything. Still, though I was soothed, my trouble at +heart was not gone. One day we were sitting looking at the pictures in +the great vestibule, when Dr. Sandford suddenly started a subject +which put the Capitol out of my head.</p> + +<p>"Daisy," said he, "was it your wish or Margaret's, that she should go +North with you?"</p> + +<p>"Hers," I said, startled.</p> + +<p>"Then it is not yours particularly."</p> + +<p>"Yes, it is, Dr. Sandford, <i>very</i> particularly."</p> + +<p>"How is that?" said he.</p> + +<p>I hesitated. I shrank from the whole subject; it was so extremely sore +to me.</p> + +<p>"I ought to warn you," he went on, "that if you take her further, she +may, if she likes, leave you, and claim her freedom. That is the law. +If her owner takes her into the free States, she may remain in them if +she will, whether he does or not."</p> + +<p>I was silent still, for the whole thing choked me. I was quite<!-- Page 177 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span> +willing she should have her freedom, get it any way she could; but +there was my father, and his pleasure and interest, which might not +choose to lose a piece of his property; and my mother and <i>her</i> +interest and pleasure; I knew what both would be. I was dumb.</p> + +<p>"You had not thought of this before?" the doctor went on.</p> + +<p>"No, sir."</p> + +<p>"Does it not change your mind about taking her on?"</p> + +<p>"No, sir."</p> + +<p>"Did it ever occur to you, or rather, does it not occur to you now, +that the girl's design in coming may have been this very purpose of +her freedom?"</p> + +<p>"I do not think it was," I said.</p> + +<p>"Even if not, it will be surely put in her head by other people before +she has been at the North long; and she will know that she is her own +mistress."</p> + +<p>I was silent still. I knew that I wished she might.</p> + +<p>"Do you think," Dr. Sandford went on, "that in this view of the case +we had better send her back to Magnolia when you leave Washington?"</p> + +<p>"No," I said.</p> + +<p>"I think it would be better," he repeated.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no!" I said. "Oh, no, Dr. Sandford. I can't send her back. You +will not send her back, will you?"</p> + +<p>"Be quiet," he said, holding fast the hand which in my earnestness I +had put in his; "she is not my servant; she is yours; it is for you to +say what you will do."</p> + +<p>"I will not send her back," I said.</p> + +<p>"But it may be right to consider what would be Mr. Randolph's wish on +the subject. If you take her, he may lose<!-- Page 178 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span> several hundred dollars' +worth of property: it is right for me to warn you. Would he choose to +run the risk?"</p> + +<p>I remember now what a fire at my heart sent the blood to my face. But +with my hand in Dr. Sandford's, and those blue eyes of his reading me, +I could not keep back my thought.</p> + +<p>"She ought to be her own mistress," I said.</p> + +<p>A brilliant flash of expression filled the blue eyes and crossed his +face—I could hardly tell what, before it was gone. Quick +surprise—pleasure—amusement—agreement; the first and the two last +certainly; and the pleasure I could not help fancying had lent its +colour to that ray of light which had shot for one instant from those +impenetrable eyes. He spoke just as usual.</p> + +<p>"But, Daisy, have you studied this question?"</p> + +<p>"I think I have studied nothing else, Dr. Sandford."</p> + +<p>"You know the girl is not yours, but your father's."</p> + +<p>"She isn't anybody's," I said slowly, and with slow tears gathering in +my heart.</p> + +<p>"How do you mean?" said he, with again the quiver of a smile upon his +lips.</p> + +<p>"I mean," I said, struggling with my thoughts and myself, "I mean that +nobody could have a right to her."</p> + +<p>"Did not her parents belong to your father?"</p> + +<p>"To my mother."</p> + +<p>"Then she does."</p> + +<p>"But, Dr. Sandford," I said, "nobody <i>can</i> belong to anybody—in that +way."</p> + +<p>"How do you make it out, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"Because nobody can give anybody a <i>right</i> to anybody else in that +way."</p> + +<p>"Does it not give your mother a right, that the mother of this<!-- Page 179 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span> girl +and her grandmother were the property of your ancestors?"</p> + +<p>"They could not be their property justly," I said, glad to get back to +my ancestors.</p> + +<p>"The law made it so."</p> + +<p>"Not God's law, Dr. Sandford," I said, looking up at him.</p> + +<p>"No? Does not that law give a man a right to what he has honestly +bought?"</p> + +<p>"No," I said, "it <i>can't</i>—not if it has been dishonestly sold."</p> + +<p>"Explain, Daisy," said Dr. Sandford, very quietly; but I saw the gleam +of that light in his eye again. I had gone too far to stop. I went on, +ready to break my heart over the right and wrong I was separating.</p> + +<p>"I mean, the <i>first</i> people that sold the first of these coloured +people," I said.</p> + +<p>"Well?" said the doctor.</p> + +<p>"They could not have a right to sell them."</p> + +<p>"Yes. Well?"</p> + +<p>"Then the people that bought them could not have a right, any more," I +said.</p> + +<p>"But, Daisy," said Dr. Sandford, "do you know that there are different +opinions on this very point?"</p> + +<p>I was silent. It made no difference to me.</p> + +<p>"Suppose for the moment that the first people, as you say, had no +precise right to sell the men and women they brought to this country; +yet those who bought them and paid honest money for them, and +possessed them from generation to generation—had not <i>they</i> a right +to pass them off upon other hands, receiving their money back again?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know how to explain it," I said. "I mean—if at<!-- Page 180 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span> first—Dr. +Sandford, hadn't the people that were sold, hadn't they rights too?"</p> + +<p>"Rights of what sort?"</p> + +<p>"A right to do what they liked with themselves, and to earn money, and +to keep their wives?"</p> + +<p>"But those rights were lost, you know, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"But <i>could</i> they be?" I said. "I mean—Dr. Sandford, for instance, +suppose somebody stole your watch from you; would you lose the right +to it?"</p> + +<p>"It <i>seems</i> to me that I should not, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"That is what I mean," I said.</p> + +<p>"But there is another view of the case, Daisy. Take Margaret, for +instance. From the time she was a child, your father's, or your +mother's money has gone to support her; her food and clothing and +living have been wholly at their expense. Does not that give them a +right to her services? ought they not to be repaid?"</p> + +<p>I did not want to speak of my father and mother and Margaret. It was +coming too near home. I knew the food and clothing Dr. Sandford spoke +of; I knew a very few months of a Northern servant's wages would have +paid for it all; was this girl's whole life to be taken from her, and +by my father and mother, and for such a cause? The feeling of grief +and wrong and shame got possession of me. I was ready to break my +heart in tears; but I could not show Dr. Sandford what I felt, nor +confess to what I thought of my father's action. I had the greatest +struggle with myself not to give way and cry. I was very weak bodily, +but I know I stood still and did not shed a tear; till I felt Dr. +Sandford's hands take hold of me. They put me gently back in the chair +from which I had risen.<!-- Page 181 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span></p> + +<p>"What is the matter, Daisy?" he said.</p> + +<p>I would not speak, and he did not urge it; but I saw that he watched +me till I gained command of myself again.</p> + +<p>"Shall we go home now?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"In a minute. Dr. Sandford, I do not think papa knows about all +this—I do not think he knows about it as I do. I am sure he does not; +and when he knows he will think as I do."</p> + +<p>"Or perhaps you will think as he does."</p> + +<p>I was silent. I wondered if that could be possible—if I too could +have my eyes blinded as I saw other people's were.</p> + +<p>"Little Daisy," said my friend the doctor, "but you are getting to be +not <i>little</i> Daisy. How old are you?"</p> + +<p>"I shall be fourteen in June."</p> + +<p>"Fourteen. Well, it is no wonder that my friend whom I left a +philosopher at ten years old, I should find a woman at fourteen; but +Daisy, you must not take it on your heart that you have to teach all +the ignorant and help all the distressed that come in your way; +because simply you cannot do it."</p> + +<p>I looked up at him. I could not tell him what I thought, because he +would not, I feared, understand it. Christ came to do just such work, +and His servants must have it on their hearts to do the same. I cannot +tell what was in my look, but I thought the doctor's face changed.</p> + +<p>"One Molly Skelton will do for one four years," he said as he rose up. +"Come, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"But, Dr. Sandford," I said, as I followed him, "you will not do +anything about sending Margaret back?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing, till you do, Daisy."</p> + +<p>Arrived at home, the doctor made me drink a raw egg, and lie down on +Mrs. Sandford's sofa; and he sat down and looked at me.<!-- Page 182 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You are the most troublesome patient that ever I had," said he.</p> + +<p>"I am?" I exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Yes. Quite innocently. You cannot help it, Daisy; and you need not be +troubled about it. It is all in the way of my profession. It is as if +a delicate vessel of Egyptian glass were put to do the work of an iron +smelting furnace; and I have to think of all the possible bands and +hardening appliances that can be brought into use for the occasion."</p> + +<p>"I do not understand," I said.</p> + +<p>"No; I suppose not. That is the worst of it."</p> + +<p>"But why am I an <i>Egyptian</i> glass?" I asked. "I am not very old."</p> + +<p>The doctor gave me one of those quick, bright glances and smiles that +were very pleasant to get from him and not very common. There came a +sort of glow and sparkle in his blue eye then, and a wonderful winsome +and gracious trick of the lips.</p> + +<p>"It is a very doubtful sort of a compliment," said Mrs. Sandford.</p> + +<p>"I did not mean it for a compliment at all," said the doctor.</p> + +<p>"I don't believe you did," said his sister; "but what <i>did</i> you mean? +Grant, I should like to hear you pay a compliment for once."</p> + +<p>"You do not know Egyptian glass," said the doctor.</p> + +<p>"No. What was it?"</p> + +<p>"Very curious."</p> + +<p>"Didn't I say that you couldn't pay compliments?" said Mrs. Sandford.</p> + +<p>"And unlike any that is made nowadays. There were curi<!-- Page 183 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span>ous patterns +wrought in the glass, made, it is supposed, by the fusing together of +rods of glass, extremely minute, of different colours; so that the +pattern once formed was ineffaceable and indestructible, unless by the +destruction of the vessel which contained it. Sometimes a layer of +gold was introduced between the layers of glass."</p> + +<p>"How very curious!" said Mrs. Sandford.</p> + +<p>"I think I must take you into consultation, Daisy," the doctor went +on, turning to me. "It is found that there must be a little delay +before you can go up to take a look at Melbourne. Mrs. Sandford is +obliged to stop in New York with a sick sister; how long she may be +kept there it is impossible to say. Now you would have a dull time, I +am afraid; and I am in doubt whether it would not be pleasanter for +you to enter school at once. In about three months the school term +will end and the summer vacation begin; by that time Mrs. Sandford +will be at home and the country ready to receive you. But you shall do +whichever you like best."</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Sandford will be in New York," I said.</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"And I would see you constantly, dear, and have you with me all the +Saturdays and Sundays and holidays. And if you like it better, you +shall be with me all the time; only I should be obliged to leave you +alone too much."</p> + +<p>"How long does the summer vacation last?" I inquired.</p> + +<p>"Till some time in September. You can enter school now or then, as you +choose."</p> + +<p>I thought and hesitated, and said I would enter at once. Dr. Sandford +said I was not fit for it, but it was on the whole the best plan. So +it was arranged, that I should just wait a day<!-- Page 184 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span> or two in New York to +get my wardrobe in order and then begin my school experience.</p> + +<p>But my thoughts went back afterwards, more than once, to the former +conversation; and I wondered what it was about me that made Dr. +Sandford liken me to Egyptian glass.<!-- Page 185 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2> + +<h3>SHOPPING.</h3> + +<p class="cap">IT was settled that I should wait a day or two in New York to get my +wardrobe arranged, and then begin my school experience. But when we +got to New York, we found Mrs. Sandford's sister so ill as to claim +her whole time. There was none to spare for me and my wardrobe. Mrs. +Sandford said I must attend to it myself as well as I could, and the +doctor would go with me. He was off duty, he reported, and at leisure +for ladies' affairs. Mrs. Sandford told me what I would need. A warm +school dress, she said; for the days would be often cold in this +latitude until May, and even later; and schoolrooms not always warm. A +warm dress for every day was the first thing. A fine merino, Mrs. +Sandford said, would be, she thought, what my mother would choose. I +had silks which might be warm enough for other occasions. Then I must +have a thick coat or cloak. Long coats, with sleeves, were fashionable +then, she told me; the doctor would take me where I would find plenty +to choose from. And I needed a hat, or a bonnet. Unless, Mrs. +Sand<!-- Page 186 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span>ford said, I chose to wear my riding-cap with the feather; that +was warm, and very pretty, and would do.</p> + +<p>How much would it all cost? I asked. Mrs. Sandford made a rapid +calculation. The merino would be two dollars a yard, she said; the +coat might be got for thirty-five or thereabouts sufficiently good; +the hat was entirely what I chose to make it. "But you know, my dear," +Mrs. Sandford said, "the sort of quality and style your mother likes, +and you will be guided by that."</p> + +<p>Must I be guided by that?—I questioned with myself. Yes, I knew. I +knew very well; but I had other things to think of. I pondered. While +I was pondering, Dr. Sandford was quietly opening his pocket-book and +unfolding a roll of bills. He put a number of them into my hand.</p> + +<p>"That will cover it all, Daisy," he said. "It is money your father has +made over to my keeping, for this and similar purposes."</p> + +<p>"Oh, thank you!" I said, breathless; and then I counted the bills. +"Oh, thank you, Dr. Sandford: but may I spend all this?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly. Mr. Randolph desired it should go, this and more of it, to +your expenses, of whatever kind. This covers my sister's estimate, and +leaves something for your pocket besides."</p> + +<p>"And when shall we go?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"To spend it? Now, if you like. Why, Daisy, I did not know—"</p> + +<p>"What, sir?" I said as he paused.</p> + +<p>"Really, nothing," he said, smiling. "Somehow I had not fancied that +you shared the passion of your sex for what they call <i>shopping</i>. You +are all alike in some things."<!-- Page 187 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I like it very much to-day," I said.</p> + +<p>"It would be safe for you to keep Daisy's money in your own pocket, +Grant," Mrs. Sandford said. "It will be stolen from her, certainly."</p> + +<p>The doctor smiled and stretched out his hand; I put the bills into it: +and away we went. My head was very busy. I knew, as Mrs. Sandford +said, the sort and style of purchases my mother would make and +approve; but then on the other hand the remembrance was burnt into me, +whence that money came which I was expected to spend so freely, and +what other uses and calls for it there were, even in the case of those +very people whose hands had earned it for us. Not to go further, +Margaret's wardrobe needed refitting quite as much as mine. She was +quite as unaccustomed as I to the chills and blasts of a cold climate, +and fully as unfurnished to meet them. I had seen her draw her thin +checked shawl around her, when I knew it was not enough to save her +from the weather, and that she had no more. And her gowns, of thin +cotton stuff, such as she wore about her housework at Magnolia, were a +bare provision against the nipping bite of the air here at the North. +Yet nobody spoke of any addition to <i>her</i> stock of clothes. It was on +my heart alone. But now it was in my hand too, and I felt very glad; +though just how to manage Dr. Sandford I did not know. I thought a +great deal about the whole matter as we went through the streets; as I +had also thought long before; and my mind was clear, that while so +many whom I knew needed the money, or while <i>any</i> whom I knew needed +it, I would spend no useless dollars upon myself. How should I manage +Dr. Sandford? There he was, my cash-keeper; and I had not the least +wish to unfold my plans to him.</p> + +<p>"I suppose the dress is the first thing, Daisy," he said, as we<!-- Page 188 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span> +entered the great establishment where everything was to be had; and he +inquired for the counter where we should find merinoes. I had no +objection ready.</p> + +<p>"What colour, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"I want something quiet," I said.</p> + +<p>"Something dark," said the doctor, seating himself. "And fine quality. +Not green, Daisy, if I might advise. It is too cold."</p> + +<p>"Cold!" said I.</p> + +<p>"For this season. It is a very nice colour in summer, Daisy," he said, +smiling.</p> + +<p>And he looked on in a kind of amused way, while the clerk of the +merinoes and I confronted each other. There was displayed now before +me a piece of claret-coloured stuff, dark and bright; a lovely tint +and a very beautiful piece of goods. I knew enough of the matter to +know that. Fine and thick and lustrous, it just suited my fancy; I +knew it was just what my mother would buy; I saw Dr. Sandford's eye +watch me in its amusement with a glance of expectation. But the stuff +was two dollars and a quarter a yard. Yes, it suited me exactly; but +what was to become of others if I were covered so luxuriously? And how +could I save money if I spent it? It was hard to speak, too, before +that shopman, who held the merino in his hand, expecting me to say I +would take it; but I had no way to escape that trouble. I turned from +the rich folds of claret stuff to the doctor at my side.</p> + +<p>"Dr. Sandford," I said, "I want to get something that will not cost so +much."</p> + +<p>"Does it not please you?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes; I like it: but I want some stuff that will not cost so much."<!-- Page 189 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span></p> + +<p>"This is not far above my sister's estimate, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"No—" I said.</p> + +<p>"And the difference is a trifle—if you like the piece."</p> + +<p>"I like it," I said; "but it is very much above <i>my</i> estimate."</p> + +<p>"You had one of your own!" said the doctor. "Do you like something +else here better?—or what is your estimate, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"I do not want a poor merino," I said. "I would rather get some other +stuff—if I can. I do not want to give more than a dollar."</p> + +<p>"The young lady may find what will suit her at the plaid counter," +said the shopman, letting fall the rich drapery he had been holding +up. "Just round that corner, sir, to the left."</p> + +<p>Dr. Sandford led the way, and I followed. There certainly I found +plenty of warm stuffs, in various patterns and colours, and with +prices as various. But nothing to match the grave elegance of those +claret folds. It was coming down a step, to leave that counter for +this. I knew it perfectly well; while I sought out the simplest and +prettiest dark small plaid I could find.</p> + +<p>"Do you like these things better?" the doctor asked me privately.</p> + +<p>"No, sir," I said.</p> + +<p>"Then why come here, Daisy? Pardon me, may I ask?"</p> + +<p>"I have other things to get, Dr. Sandford," I said low.</p> + +<p>"But Daisy!" said the doctor, rousing up, "I have performed my part +ill. You are not restricted—your father has not restricted you. I am +your banker for whatever sums you may need—for whatever purposes."</p> + +<p>"Yes," I said, "I know. Oh no, I know papa has not restricted you; but +I think I ought not to spend any more. It is my own affair."<!-- Page 190 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span></p> + +<p>"And not mine. Pardon me, Daisy; I submit."</p> + +<p>"Please, Dr. Sandford, don't speak so!" I said. "I don't mean that. I +mean, it is my own affair and not papa's."</p> + +<p>"Certainly, I have no more to say," said the doctor, smiling.</p> + +<p>"I will tell you all about it," I said; and then I desired the shopman +to cut off the dress I had fixed upon; and we went upstairs to look +for cloaks, I feeling hot and confused and half perplexed. I had never +worn such a dress as this plaid I had bought in my life. It was nice +and good, and pretty too; but it did not match the quality or the +elegance of the things my mother always had got for me. <i>She</i> would +not have liked it nor let me wear it; I knew that; but then—whence +came the wealth that flowed over in such exquisite forms upon her and +upon me? Were not its original and proper channels bare? And whence +were they to be, even in any measure, refilled, if all the supply +must, as usual, be led off in other directions? I mused as I went up +the stairs, feeling perplexed, nevertheless, at the strangeness of the +work I was doing, and with something in my heart giving a pull at my +judgment towards the side of what was undoubtedly "pleasant to the +eyes." So I followed Dr. Sandford up the stairs and into the +wilderness of the cloak department, where all manner of elegancies, in +silk, and velvet, and cloth, were displayed in orderly confusion. It +was a wilderness to me, in the mood of my thoughts. Was I going to +repeat here the process just gone through downstairs?</p> + +<p>The doctor seated me, asked what I wanted to see, and gave the order. +And forthwith my eyes were regaled with a variety of temptations. A +nice little black silk pelisse was hung on the stand opposite me; it +was nice; a good gloss was upon the silk, the article was in the +neatest style, and trimmed with great sim<!-- Page 191 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span>plicity. I would have been +well satisfied to wear that. By its side was displayed another of +velvet; then yet another of very fine dark cloth; perfect in material +and make, faultless in its elegance of finish. But the silk was +forty-five and the cloth was forty, and the velvet was sixty dollars. +I sat and looked at them. There is no denying that I wanted the silk +or the cloth. Either of them would do. Either of them was utterly +girl-like and plain, but both of them had the finish of perfection, in +make, style, and material. I wanted the one or the other. But, if I +had it, what would be left for Margaret?</p> + +<p>"Are you tired, Daisy?" said Dr. Sandford, bending down to look in my +face.</p> + +<p>"No, sir. At least, that was not what I was thinking of."</p> + +<p>"When then?" said he. "Will one of these do?"</p> + +<p>"They would do," I said slowly. "But, Dr. Sandford, I should like to +see something else—something that would do for somebody that was +poorer than I."</p> + +<p>"Poorer?" said the doctor, looking funny. "What is the matter, Daisy? +Have you suddenly become bankrupt? You need not be afraid, for the +bank is in my pocket; and I know it will stand all your demands upon +it."</p> + +<p>"No, but—I would indeed, if you please, Dr. Sandford. These things +cost too much for what I want now."</p> + +<p>"Do you like them?"</p> + +<p>"I like them very well."</p> + +<p>"Then take whichever you like best. That is my advice to you, Daisy. +The bank will bear it."</p> + +<p>"I think I must not. Please, Dr. Sandford, I should like to see +something that would not cost so much. Do they <i>all</i> cost as much as +these?"<!-- Page 192 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span></p> + +<p>The doctor gave the order as I desired. The shopman who was serving us +cast another comprehensive glance at me—I had seen him give one at +the beginning—and tossing off the velvet coat and twisting off the +silk one, he walked away. Presently he came back with a brown silk, +which he hung in the place of the velvet one, and a blue cloth, which +replaced the black silk. Every whit as costly, and almost as pretty, +both of them.</p> + +<p>"No," said the doctor,—"you mistook me. We want to look at some goods +fitted for persons who have not long purses."</p> + +<p>"Something inferior to these—" said the man. He was not uncivil; he +just stated the fact. In accordance with which he replaced the last +two coats with a little grey dreadnought, and a black cloth; the first +neat and rough, the last not to be looked at. It was not in good +taste, and a sort of thing that I neither had worn nor could wear. But +the grey dreadnought was simple and warm and neat, and would offend +nobody. I looked from it to the pretty black cloth which still hung in +contrast with it, the one of the first there. Certainly, in style and +elegance <i>this</i> looked like my mother's child, and the other did not. +But this was forty dollars. The dreadnought was exactly half that sum. +I had a little debate with myself—I remember it, for it was my first +experience of that kind of thing—and all my mother's training had +refined in me the sense of what was elegant and fitting, in dress as +well as in other matters. Until now, I had never had my fancy crossed +by anything I ever had to wear. The little grey dreadnought—how would +it go with my silk dresses? It was like what I had seen other people +dressed in; never my mother or me. Yet it was perfectly fitting a +lady's child, if she could not afford other; and where was Margaret's +cloak to come from? And who had the best right? I pondered and +debated, and then<!-- Page 193 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span> I told Dr. Sandford I would have the grey coat. I +believe I half wished he would make some objection; but he did not; he +paid for the dreadnought and ordered it sent home; and then I began to +congratulate myself that Margaret's comfort was secure.</p> + +<p>"Is that all, Daisy?" my friend asked.</p> + +<p>"Dr. Sandford," said I, standing up and speaking low, "I want to +find—can I find here, do you think?—a good warm cloak and dress for +Margaret."</p> + +<p>"For Margaret?" said the doctor.</p> + +<p>"Yes; she is not used to the cold, you know; and she has nothing to +keep her comfortable."</p> + +<p>"But, Daisy!" said the doctor,—"sit down here again; I must +understand this. Was <i>Margaret</i> at the bottom of all these financial +operations?"</p> + +<p>"I knew she wanted something, ever since we came from Washington," I +said.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, she could have had it."</p> + +<p>"Yes, Dr. Sandford;—but—"</p> + +<p>"But what, if you will be so good?"</p> + +<p>"I think it was right for me to get it."</p> + +<p>"I am sorry I do not agree with you at all. It was for <i>me</i> to get +it—I am supplied with funds, Daisy—and your father has entrusted to +me the making of all arrangements which are in any way good for your +comfort. I think, with your leave, I shall reverse these bargains. +Have you been all this time pleasing Margaret and <i>not</i> yourself?"</p> + +<p>"No, sir," I said,—"if you please. I cannot explain it, Dr. Sandford, +but I know it is right."</p> + +<p>"What is right, Daisy? My faculties are stupid."</p> + +<p>"No, sir; but—Let it be as it is, please."<!-- Page 194 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span></p> + +<p>"But won't you explain it? I ought to know what I am giving my consent +to, Daisy; for just now I am constituted your guardian. What has +Margaret to do with your cloaks? There is enough for both."</p> + +<p>"But," said I, in a great deal of difficulty,—"there is not enough +for me and everybody."</p> + +<p>"Are you going to take care of the wants of everybody?"</p> + +<p>"I think—I ought to take care of all that I can," I said.</p> + +<p>"But you have not the power."</p> + +<p>"I won't do but what I <i>have</i> the power for."</p> + +<p>"Daisy, what would your father and mother say to such a course of +action? would they allow it, do you think?"</p> + +<p>"But <i>you</i> are my guardian now, Dr. Sandford," I said, looking up at +him. He paused a minute doubtfully.</p> + +<p>"I am conquered!" he said. "You have absolutely conquered me, Daisy. I +have not a word to say. I wonder if that is the way you are going +through the world in future? What is it now about Margaret?—for I was +bewildered and did not understand."</p> + +<p>"A warm cloak and dress," I said, delighted; "that is what I want. Can +I get them here?"</p> + +<p>"Doubtful, I should say," he answered; "but we will try."</p> + +<p>And we did succeed in finding the dress, strong and warm and suitable; +the cloak we had to go to another shop for. On the way we stopped at +the milliner's. My Aunt Gary and Mrs. Sandford employed the same one.</p> + +<p>"I put it in your hands, Daisy!" Dr. Sandford said, as we went in. +"Only let me look on."</p> + +<p>I kept him waiting a good while, I am afraid; but he was very patient +and seemed amused. <i>I</i> was not. The business<!-- Page 195 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span> was very troublesome to +me. This was not so easy a matter as to choose between stuffs and have +the yards measured off. Bonnets are bonnets, as my aunt always said; +and things good in themselves may not be in the least good for you. +And I found the thing that suited was even more tempting here than it +had been in the cloak wareroom. There was a little velvet hat which I +fancied mamma would have bought for me; it was so stylish, and at the +same time so simple, and became me so well. But it was of a price +corresponding with its beauty. I turned my back on it, though I seemed +to see it just as well through the back of my head, and tried to find +something else. The milliner would have it there was nothing beside +that fitted me. The hat must go on.</p> + +<p>"She has grown," said the milliner, appealing to Dr. Sandford; "and +you see this is the very thing. This tinge of colour inside is just +enough to relieve the pale cheeks. Do you see, sir?"</p> + +<p>"It is without a fault," said the doctor.</p> + +<p>"Take it off, please," I said. "I want to find something that will not +cost so much—something that will not cost near so much."</p> + +<p>"There is that cap that is too large for Miss Van Allen—" the +milliner's assistant remarked.</p> + +<p>"It would not suit Mrs. Randolph at all," was the answer aside.</p> + +<p>But I begged to see it. Now this was a comfortable, soft quilted silk +cap, with a chinchilla border. Not much style about it, but also +nothing to dislike, except its simplicity. The price was moderate, and +it fitted me.</p> + +<p>You are going to be a different Daisy Randolph from what you have been +all your life—something whispered to me. And<!-- Page 196 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span> the doctor said, "That +makes you look about ten years old again, Daisy." I had a minute of +doubt and delay; then I said I would have the cap; and the great +business was ended.</p> + +<p>Margaret's purchases were all found, and we went home, with money +still in my bank, Dr. Sandford informed me. I was very tired; but on +the whole I was very satisfied, until my things came home, and I saw +that Mrs. Sandford did not like them.</p> + +<p>"I wish I could have been with you!" she said.</p> + +<p>"What is the matter?" said the doctor. It was the evening, and we were +all together for a few minutes, before Mrs. Sandford went to her +sister.</p> + +<p>"Did you choose these things, Grant?"</p> + +<p>"What is the matter with them?"</p> + +<p>"They are hardly suitable."</p> + +<p>"For the third time, what is the matter with them?" said the doctor.</p> + +<p>"They are neat, but they are not <i>handsome</i>."</p> + +<p>"They will look handsome when they are on," said Dr. Sandford.</p> + +<p>"No they won't; they will look common. I don't mean <i>vulgar</i>—you +could not buy anything in bad taste—but they are just what anybody's +child might wear."</p> + +<p>"Then Mrs. Randolph's child might."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Sandford gave him a look. "That is just the thing," she said. +"Mrs. Randolph's child might <i>not</i>. I never saw anybody more elegant +or more particular about the choice of her dress than Mrs. Randolph; +it is always perfect; and Daisy's always was. Mrs. Randolph would not +like these."</p> + +<p>"Shall we change them, Daisy?" said the doctor.<!-- Page 197 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span></p> + +<p>I said "No."</p> + +<p>"Then I hope they will wear out before Mrs. Randolph comes home," he +said.</p> + +<p>All this, somehow, made me uncomfortable. I went off to the room which +had been given to me, where a fire was kept; and I sat down to think. +Certainly, I would have liked the other coat and hat better, that I +had rejected; and the thought of the rich soft folds of that silky +merino were not pleasant to me. The plaid I had bought <i>did</i> wear a +common look in comparison. I knew it, quite as well as Mrs. Sandford; +and that I had never worn common things; and I knew that in the +merino, properly made, I should have looked my mother's child; and +that in the plaid my mother would not know me. Was I right? was I +wrong? I knelt down before the fire, feeling that the straight path +was not always easy to find. Yet I had thought I saw it before me. I +knelt before the fire, which was the only light in the room, and +opened the page of my dear little book that had the Bible lessons for +every day. This day's lesson was headed, "That ye adorn the doctrine +of God our Saviour in all things."</p> + +<p>The mist began to clear away. Between adorning and being adorned, the +difference was so great, it set my face quite another way directly. I +went on. "Let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of +Christ."</p> + +<p>And how should that be? Certainly, the spirit of that gospel had no +regard to self-glorification; and had most tender regard to the wants +of others. I began to feel sure that I was in the way and not out of +it. Then came—"If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are +ye. But let none of you suffer ... <i>as a thief, or as an +evildoer</i>"—"Let your light so shine<!-- Page 198 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span> before men"—"Let not mercy and +truth forsake thee; bind them about thy neck;"—"Whatsoever things are +true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are <i>just</i> ... +think on these things."</p> + +<p>The words came about me, binding up my doubts, making sound my heart, +laying a soft touch upon every rough spot in my thoughts. True, +honest, just, lovely, and of good report,—yes, I would think on these +things, and I would not be turned aside from them. And if I suffered +as a Christian, I determined that I would not be ashamed; I prayed +that I might never; I would take as no dishonour the laughter or the +contempt of those who did not see the two sides of the question; but +as a <i>thief</i> I would not suffer. I earnestly prayed that I might not. +No beauty of dresses or stylishness of coats or bonnets should adorn +me, the price of which God saw belonged and was due to the sufferings +of others; more especially to the wants of those whose wants made my +supply. That my father and mother, with the usage of old habit, and +the influence of universal custom, should be blind to what I saw so +clearly, made no difference in my duty. I had the light of the Bible +rule, which was not yet, I knew, the lamp to their feet. <i>I</i> must walk +by it, all the same. And my thought went back now with great +tenderness to Mammy Theresa's rheumatism, which wanted flannel; to +Maria's hyacinths, which were her great earthly interest, out of the +things of religion; to Darry's lonely cottage, where he had no lamp to +read the Bible o' nights, and no oil to burn in it. To Pete's solitary +hut, too, where he was struggling to learn to read well, and where a +hymn-book would be the greatest comfort to him. To the old people, +whose one solace of a cup of tea would be gone unless I gave it them; +to the boys who were learning to read,<!-- Page 199 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span> who wanted testaments; to the +bed-ridden and sick, who wanted blankets; to the young and well, who +wanted gowns (not indeed for decency, but for the natural pleasure of +looking neat and smart)—and to Margaret, first and last, who was +nearest to me, and who, I began to think, might want some other +trifles besides a cloak. The girl come in at the minute.</p> + +<p>"Margaret," I said, "I have got you a warm gown and a good thick warm +cloak, to-day."</p> + +<p>"A cloak! Miss Daisy—" Margaret's lips just parted and showed the +white teeth between them.</p> + +<p>"Yes. I saw you were not warm in that thin shawl."</p> + +<p>"It's mighty cold up these ways!—" the girls shoulders drew together +with involuntary expression.</p> + +<p>"And now, Margaret, what other things do you want, to be nice and +comfortable? You must tell me now, because after I go to school I +cannot see you often, you know."</p> + +<p>"Reckon I find something to do at the school, Miss Daisy. Ain't there +servants?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, but I am afraid there may not be another wanted. What else ought +you to have, Margaret?"</p> + +<p>"Miss Daisy knows, I'll hire myself out, and reckon I'll get a right +smart chance of wages; and then, if Miss Daisy let me take some +change, I'd like to get some things—"</p> + +<p>"You may keep all your wages, Margaret," I said hastily; "you need not +bring them to me; but I want to know if you have all you need <i>now</i>, +to be nice and warm?"</p> + +<p>"'Spect I'd be better for some underclothes—" Margaret said, half +under her breath.</p> + +<p>Of course! I knew it the moment she said it. I knew the scanty coarse +supply which was furnished to the girls and women<!-- Page 200 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span> at Magnolia; I knew +that more was needed for neatness as well as for comfort, and +something different, now that she was where no evil distinction would +arise from her having it. I said I would get what she wanted; and went +back again to the parlour. I mused as I went. If I let Margaret keep +her wages—and I was very certain I could not receive them from her—I +must be prepared to answer it to my father. Perhaps,—yes, I felt sure +as I thought about it—I must contrive to save the amount of her wages +out of what was given to myself; or else my grant might be reversed +and my action disallowed, or at least greatly disapproved. And my +father had given me no right to dispose of Margaret's wages, or of +herself.</p> + +<p>So I came into the parlour. Dr. Sandford alone was there, lying on the +sofa. He jumped up immediately; pulled a great arm chair near to the +fire, and taking hold of me, put me into it. My purchases were lying +on the table, where they had been disapproved, but I knew what to +think of them now. I could look at them very contentedly.</p> + +<p>"How do they seem, Daisy?" said the doctor, stretching himself on the +cushions again, after asking my permission and pardon.</p> + +<p>"Very well,"—I said, smiling.</p> + +<p>"You are satisfied?"</p> + +<p>I said yes.</p> + +<p>"Daisy," said he, "you have conquered me to-day—I have yielded—I +owned myself conquered; but won't you enlighten me? As a matter of +favour?"</p> + +<p>"About what, Dr. Sandford?"</p> + +<p>"I don't understand you."</p> + +<p>I remember looking at him and smiling. It was so curious a<!-- Page 201 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span> thing, +both that he should, in his philosophy, be puzzled by a child like me, +and that he should care about undoing the puzzle.</p> + +<p>"There!" said he,—"that is my old little Daisy of ten years old. +Daisy, I used to think she was an extremely dainty and particular +little person."</p> + +<p>"Yes—" said I.</p> + +<p>"Was that correct?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know," said I. "I think it was."</p> + +<p>"Then Daisy, honestly—I am asking as a philosopher, and that means a +lover of knowledge, you know,—did you choose those articles to-day to +please yourself?"</p> + +<p>"In one way, I did," I answered.</p> + +<p>"Did they appear to you as they did to Mrs. Sandford,—at the time?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, Dr. Sandford."</p> + +<p>"So I thought. Then, Daisy, will you make me understand it? For I am +puzzled."</p> + +<p>I was sorry that he cared about the puzzle, for I did not want to go +into it. I was almost sure he would not make it out if I did.</p> + +<p>However, he lay there looking at me and waiting.</p> + +<p>"Those other things cost too much, Dr. Sandford—that was all."</p> + +<p>"There is the puzzle!" said the doctor. "You had the money in your +bank for them, and money for Margaret's things too, and more if you +wanted it; and no bottom to the bank at all, so far as I could see. +And you like pretty things, Daisy, and you did not choose them?"</p> + +<p>"No, sir."</p> + +<p>I hesitated, and he waited. How was I to tell him? He would<!-- Page 202 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span> simply +find it ridiculous. And then I thought—"If any of you suffer as a +Christian, let him not be ashamed."</p> + +<p>"I thought I should be comfortable in these things, Dr. Sandford," I +then said, glancing at the little chinchilla cap which lay on the +table;—"and respectable. And there were other people who needed all +the money the other things would have cost."</p> + +<p>"What other people?" said the doctor. "As I am your guardian, Daisy, +it is proper for me to ask, and not impertinent."</p> + +<p>I hesitated again. "I was thinking," I said, "of some of the people I +left at Magnolia."</p> + +<p>"Do you mean the servants?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir."</p> + +<p>"Daisy, they are cared for."</p> + +<p>I was silent.</p> + +<p>"What do you think they want?"</p> + +<p>"Some that are sick want comfort," I said, "and others who are not +sick want help; and others, I think, want a little pleasure." I would +fain not have spoken, but how could I help it? The doctor took his +feet off the sofa and sat up and confronted me.</p> + +<p>"In the meantime," he said, "you are to be 'comfortable and +respectable.' But, Daisy, do you think your father and mother would be +satisfied with such a statement of your condition?"</p> + +<p>"I suppose not," I was obliged to say.</p> + +<p>"Then do you think it proper for me to allow such to be the fact?"</p> + +<p>I looked at him. What there was in my look it is impossible for me to +say; but he laughed a little.</p> + +<p>"Yes," he said,—"I know—you have conquered me to-day. I own myself +conquered—but the question I ask you is whether I am justifiable."<!-- Page 203 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I think that depends," I answered, "on whether <i>I</i> am justifiable."</p> + +<p>"Can you justify yourself, Daisy?" he said, bringing his hand down +gently over my smooth hair and touching my cheek. It would have vexed +me from anybody else; it did not vex me from him. "Can you justify +yourself?" he repeated.</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir," I said; but I felt troubled.</p> + +<p>"Then do it."</p> + +<p>"Dr. Sandford, the Bible says, 'Whatsoever ye would that men should do +to you, do ye even so to them.'"</p> + +<p>"Well," said he, refusing to draw any conclusions for me.</p> + +<p>"I have more than I want, and they have not enough. I don't think I +ought to keep <i>more</i> than I want."</p> + +<p>"But then arises the question," said he, "how much do you want? Where +is the line, beyond which you, or I, for instance, have too much?"</p> + +<p>"I was not speaking of anybody but myself," I said.</p> + +<p>"But a rule of action which is the right one for you, would be right +for everybody."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but everybody must apply it for himself," I said. "I was only +applying it for myself."</p> + +<p>"And applying it for yourself, Daisy, is it to cut off for the +future—or ought it—all elegance and beauty? Must you restrict +yourself to mere 'comfort and respectability'? Are furs and feathers, +for instance, wicked things?"</p> + +<p>He did not speak it mockingly; Dr. Sandford never could do an +ungentlemanly thing; he spoke kindly and with a little rallying smile +on his face. But I knew what he thought.</p> + +<p>"Dr. Sandford," said I, "suppose I was a fairy, and that I stripped +the gown off a poor woman's back to change it into a<!-- Page 204 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span> feather, and +stole away her blankets to make them into fur; what would you think of +fur and feathers then?"</p> + +<p>There came a curious lightning through the doctor's blue eyes. I did +not know in the least what it meant.</p> + +<p>"Do you mean to say, Daisy, that the poor people down yonder at +Magnolia want such things as gowns and blankets?"</p> + +<p>"Some do," I said. "You know, nobody is there, Dr. Sandford, to look +after them; and the overseer does not care. It would be different if +papa was at home."</p> + +<p>"I will never interfere with you any more, Daisy," said the +doctor,—"any further than by a little very judicious interference; +and you shall find in me the best helper I can be to all your plans. +You may use me—you have conquered me,"—said he, smiling, and laying +himself back on his cushions again. I was very glad it had ended so, +for I could hardly have withstood Dr. Sandford if he had taken a +different view of the matter. And his help, I knew, might be very good +in getting things sent to Magnolia.<!-- Page 205 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.</h2> + +<h3>SCHOOL.</h3> + +<p class="cap">I HAD another time the next day between Mrs. Sandford and the +mantua-maker. The mantua-maker came to take orders about making my +school dress.</p> + +<p>"How will you have it trimmed?" she asked. "This sort of stuff will +make no sort of an appearance unless it is well trimmed. It wants +that. You might have a border of dark green leaves—dark green, like +the colour of this stripe—going round the skirt; that would have a +good effect; the leaves set in and edged with a very small red cord, +or green if you like it better. We trimmed a dress so last week, and +it made a very good appearance."</p> + +<p>"What do you say, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"How much will it cost?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Oh, the cost is not very much," said the milliner. "I suppose we +would do it for you, Mrs. Sandford, for twenty-five dollars."</p> + +<p>"That is too much," I said.</p> + +<p>"You wouldn't say so, if you knew the work it is to set those leaves +round," said the mantua-maker. "It takes hours and<!-- Page 206 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span> hours; and the +cording and all. And the silk you know, Mrs. Sandford, <i>that</i> costs +nowadays. It takes a full yard of the silk, and no washy lining silk, +but good stiff dress silk. Some has 'em made of velvet, but to be +sure, that would not be suitable for a common stuff like this. It will +be very common, Mrs. Sandford, without you have it handsomely +trimmed."</p> + +<p>"Couldn't you put some other sort of trimming?"</p> + +<p>"Well, there's no other way that looks <i>distingué</i> on this sort of +stuff; that's the most stylish. We could put a band of rows of black +velvet—an inch wide, or half an inch; if you have it narrower you +must put more of them; and then the sleeves and body to match; but I +don't think you would like it so well as the green leaves. A great +many people has 'em trimmed so; you like it a little out of the +common, Mrs. Sandford. Or, you could have a green ribbon."</p> + +<p>"How much would <i>that</i> be?" said Mrs. Sandford.</p> + +<p>"Oh really, I don't just know," the woman answered; "depends on the +ribbon; it don't make much difference to you, Mrs. Sandford; it would +be—let me see, Oh, I suppose we could do it with velvet for you for +fifteen or twenty dollars. You see there must be buttons or rosettes +at the joinings of the velvets; and those come very expensive."</p> + +<p>"How much would it be to make the dress plain?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"<i>That</i> would be plain," the mantua-maker answered quickly. "The style +is, to trim everything very much. Oh, that would be quite plain with +the velvet."</p> + +<p>"But without any trimming at all?" I asked. "How much would that be?" +I felt an odd sort of shame at pressing the question: yet I knew I +must.</p> + +<p>"Without trimming!" said the woman. "Oh, you could not<!-- Page 207 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span> have it +<i>without trimming</i>; there is nothing made without trimming; it would +have no appearance at all. People would think you had come out of the +country. No young ladies have their dresses made without trimming this +winter."</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Sandford," said I, "I should like to know what the dress would +be without trimming."</p> + +<p>"What would it be, Melinda?" The woman was only a forewoman at her +establishment.</p> + +<p>"Oh, well, Mrs. Sandford, the naked dress I have no doubt could be +made for you for five dollars."</p> + +<p>"You would not have it <i>so</i>, Daisy, my dear?" said Mrs. Sandford.</p> + +<p>But I said I would have it so. It cost me a little difficulty, and a +little shrinking, I remember, to choose this and to hold to it in the +face of the other two. It was the last battle of that campaign. I had +my way; but I wondered privately to myself whether I was going to look +very unlike the children of other ladies in my mother's position: and +whether such severity over myself was really needed. I turned the +question over again in my own room, and tried to find out why it +troubled me. I could not quite tell. Yet I thought, as I was doing +what I knew to be duty, I had no right to feel this trouble about it. +The trouble wore off before a little thought of my poor friends at +Magnolia. But the question came up again at dinner.</p> + +<p>"Daisy," said Mrs. Sandford, "did you ever have anything to do with +the Methodists?"</p> + +<p>"No, ma'am," I said, wondering. "What are the Methodists?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know, I am sure," she said, laughing, "only they are people +who sing hymns a great deal, and teach that nobody ought to wear gay +dresses."<!-- Page 208 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Why?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"I can't say. I believe they hold that the Bible forbids ornamenting +ourselves."</p> + +<p>I wondered if it did; and determined I would look. And I thought the +Methodists must be nice people.</p> + +<p>"What is on the carpet now?" said the doctor. "Singing or dressing? +You are attacking Daisy, I see, on some score."</p> + +<p>"She won't have her dress trimmed," said Mrs. Sandford.</p> + +<p>The doctor turned round to me, with a wonderful genial pleasant +expression of his fine face; and his blue eye, that I always liked to +meet full, going through me with a sort of soft power. He was not +smiling, yet his look made me smile.</p> + +<p>"Daisy," said he, "are you going to make yourself unlike other +people?"</p> + +<p>"Only my dress, Dr. Sandford," I said.</p> + +<p>"L'habit, c'est l'homme!—" he answered gravely, shaking his head.</p> + +<p>I remembered his question and words many times in the course of the +next six months.</p> + +<p>In a day or two more my dress was done, and Dr. Sandford went with me +to introduce me at the school. He had already made the necessary +arrangements. It was a large establishment, reckoned the most +fashionable, and at the same time one of the most thorough, in the +city; the house, or houses, standing in one of the broad clear +Avenues, where the streams of human life that went up and down were +all of the sort that wore trimmed dresses and rolled about in handsome +carriages. Just in the centre and height of the thoroughfare Mme. +Ricard's establishment looked over it. We went in at a stately +doorway, and were shown into a very elegant parlour; where at a grand +piano<!-- Page 209 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span> a young lady was taking a music lesson. The noise was very +disagreeable; but that was the only disagreeable thing in the place. +Pictures were on the walls, a soft carpet on the floor; the colours of +carpet and furniture were dark and rich; books and trinkets and +engravings in profusion gave the look of cultivated life and the ease +of plenty. It was not what I had expected; nor was Mme. Ricard, who +came in noiselessly and stood before us while I was considering the +wonderful moustache of the music teacher. I saw a rather short, grave +person, very plainly dressed—but indeed I never thought of the dress +she wore. The quiet composure of the figure was what attracted me, and +the peculiar expression of the face. It was sad, almost severe; so I +thought it at first; till a smile once for an instant broke upon the +lips, like a flitting sunbeam out of a cloudy sky; then I saw that +kindliness was quite at home there, and sympathy and a sense of +merriment were not wanting; but the clouds closed again, and the look +of care, of sorrow, I could not quite tell what it was, only that it +was <i>unrest</i>, retook its place on brow and lip. The eye, I think, +never lost it. Yet it was a searching and commanding eye; I was sure +it knew how to rule.</p> + +<p>The introduction was soon made, and Dr. Sandford bid me good-bye. I +felt as if my best friend was leaving me; the only one I had trusted +in since my father and mother had gone away. I said nothing, but +perhaps my face showed my thought, for he stooped and kissed me.</p> + +<p>"Good-bye, Daisy. Remember, I shall expect a letter every fortnight."</p> + +<p>He had ordered me before to write to him as often as that, and give +him a minute account of myself; how many studies I<!-- Page 210 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span> was pursuing, how +many hours I gave to them each day, what exercise I took, and what +amusement; and how I throve withal. Mme. Ricard had offered to show me +my room, and we were mounting the long stairs while I thought this +over.</p> + +<p>"Is Dr. Sandford your cousin, Miss Randolph?" was the question which +came in upon my thoughts.</p> + +<p>"No, ma'am," I answered in extreme surprise.</p> + +<p>"Is he any relation to you?"</p> + +<p>"He is my guardian."</p> + +<p>"I think Dr. Sandford told me that your father and mother are abroad?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, ma'am; and Dr. Sandford is my guardian."</p> + +<p>We had climbed two flights of stairs, and I was panting. As we went +up, I had noticed a little unusual murmur of noises, which told me I +was in a new world. Little indistinguishable noises, the stir and hum +of the busy hive into which I had entered. Now and then a door had +opened, and a head or a figure came out; but as instantly went back +again on seeing Madame, and the door was softly closed. We reached the +third floor. There a young lady appeared at the further end of the +gallery, and curtseyed to my conductress.</p> + +<p>"Miss Bentley," said Madame, "this is your new companion, Miss +Randolph. Will you be so good as to show Miss Randolph her room?"</p> + +<p>Madame turned and left us, and the young lady led me into the room she +had just quitted. A large room, light and bright, and pleasantly +furnished; but the one thing that struck my unaccustomed eyes was the +evidence of fulness of occupation. One bed stood opposite the +fireplace; another across the head of that, between it and one of the +windows; a third was between<!-- Page 211 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span> the doors on the inner side of the room. +Moreover, the first and the last of these were furnished with two +pillows each. I did not in the moment use my arithmetic; but the +feeling which instantly pressed upon me was that of want of breath.</p> + +<p>"This is the bed prepared for you, I believe," said my companion +civilly, pointing to the third one before the window. "There isn't +room for anybody to turn round here now."</p> + +<p>I began mechanically to take off my cap and gloves, looking hard at +the little bed, and wondering what other rights of possession were to +be given me in this place. I saw a washstand in one window and a large +mahogany wardrobe on one side of the fireplace; a dressing table or +chest of drawers between the windows. Everything was handsome and +nice; everything was in the neatest order; but—where were my clothes +to go? Before I had made up my mind to ask, there came a rush into the +room; I supposed, of the other inmates. One was a very large, fat, +dull-faced girl; I should have thought her a young woman, only that +she was here in a school. Another, bright and pretty, and very +good-humoured if there was any truth in her smiling black eyes, was +much slighter and somewhat younger; a year or two in advance of +myself. The third was a girl about my own age, shorter and smaller +than I, with also a pretty face, but an eye that I was not so sure of. +She was the last one to come in, and she immediately stopped and +looked at me; I thought, with no pleasure.</p> + +<p>"This is Miss Randolph, girls," said Miss Bentley. "Miss Randolph, +Miss Macy."</p> + +<p>I curtseyed to the fat girl, who gave me a little nod.</p> + +<p>"I am glad she isn't as big as I am," was her comment on the +introduction. I was glad, too.<!-- Page 212 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Miss Lansing—"</p> + +<p>This was bright-eyes, who bowed and smiled—she always smiled—and +said, "How do you do?" Then rushed off to a drawer in search of +something.</p> + +<p>"Miss St. Clair, will you come and be introduced to Miss Randolph?"</p> + +<p>The St. Clair walked up demurely and took my hand. Her words were in +abrupt contrast. "Where are her things going, Miss Bentley?" I +wondered that pretty lips could be so ungracious. It was not temper +which appeared on them, but cool rudeness.</p> + +<p>"Madame said we must make some room for her," Miss Bentley answered.</p> + +<p>"I don't know where," remarked Miss Macy. "<i>I</i> have not two inches."</p> + +<p>"She can't have a peg nor a drawer of mine," said the St. Clair. +"Don't you put her there, Bentley." And the young lady left us with +that.</p> + +<p>"We must manage it somehow," said Miss Bentley. "Lansing, look here, +can't you take your things out of this drawer? Miss Randolph has no +place to lay anything. She <i>must</i> have a little place, you know."</p> + +<p>Lansing looked up with a perplexed face, and Miss Macy remarked that +nobody had a bit of room to lay anything.</p> + +<p>"I am very sorry," I said.</p> + +<p>"It is no use being sorry, child," said Miss Macy; "we have got to fix +it, somehow. I know who <i>ought</i> to be sorry. Here—I can take this +pile of things out of this drawer; that is all <i>I</i> can do. Can't she +manage with this half?"</p> + +<p>But Miss Lansing came and made her arrangements, and then it was found +that the smallest of the four drawers was cleared and ready for my +occupation.<!-- Page 213 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span></p> + +<p>"But if we give you a whole drawer," said Miss Macy, "you must be +content with one peg in the wardrobe—will you?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, and she can have one or two hooks in the closet," said +bright-eyes. "Come here, Miss Randolph, I will show you."</p> + +<p>And there in the closet I found was another place for washing, with +cocks for hot and cold water; and a press and plenty of iron hooks; +with dresses and hats hanging on them. Miss Lansing moved and changed +several of these, till she had cleared a space for me.</p> + +<p>"There," she said, "now you'll do, won't you? I don't believe you can +get a scrape of a corner in the wardrobe; Macy and Bentley and St. +Clair take it up so. <i>I</i> haven't but one dress hanging there, but +you've got a whole drawer in the bureau."</p> + +<p>I was not very awkward and clumsy in my belongings, but an elephant +could scarcely have been more bewildered if he had been requested to +lay his proboscis up in a glove box. "I cannot put a dress in the +drawer," I remarked.</p> + +<p>"Oh, you can hang one up here under your cap; and that is all any of +us do. Our things, all except our everyday things, go down stairs in +our trunks. Have you many trunks?"</p> + +<p>I told her no, only one. I did not know why it was a little +disagreeable to me to say that. The feeling came and passed. I hung up +my coat and cap, and brushed my hair; my new companion looking on. +Without any remark, however, she presently rushed off, and I was left +alone. I began to appreciate that. I sat down on the side of my little +bed; to my fancy the very chairs were appropriated; and looked at my +new place in the world.</p> + +<p>Five of us in that room! I had always had the comfort of great space +and ample conveniences about me; was it a <i>luxury</i> I<!-- Page 214 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span> had enjoyed? It +had seemed nothing more than a necessity. And now must I dress and +undress myself before so many spectators? could I not lock up anything +that belonged to me? were all my nice and particular habits to be +crushed into one drawer and smothered on one or two clothes-pins? Must +everything I did be seen? And, above all, where could I pray? I looked +round in a sort of fright. There was but one closet in the room, and +that was a washing closet, and held besides a great quantity of other +people's belongings. I could not, even for a moment, shut it against +them. In a kind of terror, I looked to make sure that I was alone, and +fell on my knees. It seemed to me that all I could do was to pray +every minute that I should have to myself. They would surely be none +too many. Then, hearing a footstep somewhere, I rose again and took +from my bag my dear little book. It was so small I could carry it +where I had not room for my Bible. I looked for the page of the day, I +remember now, with my eyes full of tears.</p> + +<p>"Be watchful," were the first words that met me. Aye, I was sure I +would need it; but how was a watch to be kept up, if I could never be +alone to take counsel with myself? I did not see it; this was another +matter from Miss Pinshon's unlocked door. After all, that unlocked +door had not greatly troubled me; my room had not been of late often +invaded. Now I had no room. What more would my dear little book say to +me?</p> + +<p>"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring +lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour."</p> + +<p>Was the battle to go so hard against me? and what should I do without +that old and well-tried weapon of "all-prayer?" Nothing; I should be +conquered. I must have and keep that, I resolved; if I lay awake and +got up at night to use it. Dr.<!-- Page 215 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span> Sandford would not like such a +proceeding; but there were worse dangers than the danger of lessened +health. I <i>would</i> pray; but what next?</p> + +<p>"Take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently."—"What I say +unto you I say unto all, Watch."</p> + +<p>I stood by the side of my bed, dashing the tears from my eyes. Then I +heard, as I thought, some one coming, and in haste looked to see what +else might be on the page: what further message or warning. And +something like a sunbeam of healing flashed into my heart with the +next words.</p> + +<p>"Fear thou not: for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God; +I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee +with the right hand of my righteousness."</p> + +<p>"I, the Lord thy God, will hold thy right hand."</p> + +<p>I was healed. I put up my little book in my bag again, feeling whole +and sound. It did not matter that I was crowded and hindered and +watched; for it was written also, "He preserveth the way of his +saints;" and I was safe.</p> + +<p>I sat a little while longer alone. Then came a rush and rustle of many +feet upon the stairs, many dresses moving, many voices blending in a +soft little roar; as ominous as the roar of the sea which one hears in +a shell. My four room-mates poured into the room, accompanied by two +others; very busy and eager about their affairs that they were +discussing. Meanwhile they all began to put themselves in order.</p> + +<p>"The bell will ring for tea directly," said Miss Macy, addressing +herself to me; "are you ready?"</p> + +<p>"'Tisn't much trouble to fix <i>her</i> hair," said my friend with the +black eyes.</p> + +<p>Six pair of eyes for a moment were turned upon me.<!-- Page 216 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You are too old to have your hair so," remarked Miss Bentley. "You +ought to let it grow."</p> + +<p>"Why don't you?" said Miss Lansing.</p> + +<p>"She is a Roundhead," said the St. Clair, brushing her own curls; +which were beautiful and crinkled all over her head, while my hair was +straight. "I don't suppose she ever saw a Cavalier before."</p> + +<p>"St. Clair, you are too bad!" said Miss Macy. "Miss Randolph is a +stranger."</p> + +<p>St. Clair made no answer, but finished her hair and ran off; and +presently the others filed off after her; and a loud clanging bell +giving the signal, I thought best to go too. Every room was pouring +forth its inmates; the halls and passages were all alive and astir. In +the train of the moving crowd, I had no difficulty to find my way to +the place of gathering.</p> + +<p>This was the school parlour; not the one where I had seen Mme. Ricard. +Parlours, rather; there was a suite of them, three deep; for this part +of the house had a building added in the rear. The rooms were large +and handsome; not like school rooms, I thought; and yet very different +from my home; for they were bare. Carpets and curtains, sofas and +chairs and tables were in them, to be sure; and even pictures; yet +they were bare; for books and matters of art and little social +luxuries were wanting, such as I had all my life been accustomed to, +and such as filled Mme. Ricard's own rooms. However, this first +evening I could hardly see how the rooms looked, for the lining of +humanity which ran round all the walls. There was a shimmer as of +every colour in the rainbow; and a buzz that could only come from a +hive full. I, who had lived all my life where people spoke softly, and +where many never spoke together, was bewildered.<!-- Page 217 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span></p> + +<p>The buzz hushed suddenly, and I saw Mme. Ricard's figure going slowly +down the rooms. She was in the uttermost contrast to all her +household. Ladylike always, and always dignified, her style was her +own, and I am sure that nobody ever felt that she had not enough. Yet +Mme. Ricard had nothing about her that was conformed to the fashions +of the day. Her dress was of a soft kind of serge, which fell around +her or swept across the rooms in noiseless yielding folds. Hoops were +the fashion of the day; but Mme. Ricard wore no hoops; she went with +ease and silence where others went with a rustle and a warning to +clear the way. The back of her head was covered with a little cap as +plain as a nun's cap; and I never saw an ornament about her. Yet +criticism never touched Mme. Ricard. Not even the criticism of a set +of school-girls; and I had soon to learn that there is none more +relentless.</p> + +<p>The tea-table was set in the further room of the three. Mme. Ricard +passed down to that. Presently I heard her low voice saying, "Miss +Randolph." Low as it always was, it was always heard. I made my way +down through the rooms to her presence; and there I was introduced to +the various teachers. Mademoiselle Géneviève, Miss Babbitt, Mme. +Jupon, and Miss Dumps. I could not examine them just then. I felt I +was on exhibition myself.</p> + +<p>"Is Miss Randolph to come to me, Madame?" the first of these ladies +asked. She was young, bright, black-eyed, and full of energy; I saw so +much.</p> + +<p>"I fancy she will come to all of you," said Madame. "Except Miss +Babbitt. You can write and read, I dare say, Miss Randolph?" she went +on with a smile. I answered of course.</p> + +<p>"What have been your principal studies for the past year?"<!-- Page 218 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span></p> + +<p>I said mathematics, astronomy, and philosophy and history.</p> + +<p>"Then she is mine!" exclaimed Mlle. Géneviève.</p> + +<p>"She is older than she looks," said Miss Babbitt.</p> + +<p>"Her hair is young, but her eyes are not," said the former speaker, +who was a lively lady.</p> + +<p>"French have you studied?" Madame went on.</p> + +<p>"Not so much," I said.</p> + +<p>"Mme. Jupon will want you."</p> + +<p>"I am sure she is a good child," said Mme. Jupon, who was a +good-natured, plain-looking Frenchwoman, without a particle of a +Frenchwoman's grace or address. "I will be charmed to have her."</p> + +<p>"You may go back to your place, Miss Randolph," said my mistress. "We +will arrange all the rest to-morrow."</p> + +<p>"Shall I go back with you?" asked Mlle. Géneviève. "Do you mind going +alone?"</p> + +<p>She spoke very kindly, but I was at a loss for her meaning. I saw the +kindness; why it showed itself in such an offer I could not imagine.</p> + +<p>"I am very much obliged to you, ma'am," I began, when a little burst +of laughter stopped me. It came from all the teachers; even Mme. +Ricard was smiling.</p> + +<p>"You are out for once, Géneviève," she said.</p> + +<p>"La charmante!" said Mme. Jupon. "Voyez l'a plomb!"</p> + +<p>"No, you don't want me," said Mlle. Géneviève, nodding. "Go—you'll +do."</p> + +<p>I went back to the upper room and presently tea was served. I sat +alone; there was nobody near me who knew me; I had nothing to do while +munching my bread and butter but to examine the new scene. There was a +great deal to move my<!-- Page 219 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span> curiosity. In the first place, I was surprised +to see the rooms gay with fine dresses. I had come from the quiet of +Magnolia, and accustomed to the simplicity of my mother's taste; which +if it sometimes adorned me, did it always in subdued fashion, and +never flaunted either its wealth or beauty. But on every side of me I +beheld startling costumes; dresses that explained my mantua-maker's +eagerness about velvet and green leaves. I saw that she was right; her +trimmings would have been "quiet" here. Opposite me was a brown +merino, bordered with blocks of blue silk running round the skirt. +Near it was a dress of brilliant red picked out with black cord and +heavy with large black buttons. Then a black dress caught my eye which +had an embattled trimming of black and gold, continued round the waist +and completed with a large gold buckle. Then there was a grey cashmere +with red stars; and a bronze-coloured silk with black velvet a quarter +of a yard wide let into the skirt; the body all of black velvet. I +could go on if my memory would serve me. The rooms were full of this +sort of thing. Yet more than the dresses the heads surprised me. Just +at that time the style of hair dressing was one of those styles which +are endurable, and perhaps even very beautiful, in the hands of a +first-rate artist and on the heads of those very few women who dress +well; but which are more and more hideous the farther you get from +that distant pinnacle of the mode, and the lower down they spread +among the ranks of society. I thought, as I looked from one to +another, I had never seen anything so ill in taste, so outraged in +style, so unspeakable in ugliness as well as in pretension. I supposed +then it was the fashion principally which was to blame. Since then, I +have seen the same fashion on one of those heads that never wear +anything but in good style. It gathered a great<!-- Page 220 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span> wealth of rich hair +into a mass at the back of the head, yet leaving the top and front of +the hair in soft waves; and the bound up mass behind was loose and +soft and flowed naturally from the head, it had no hard outline nor +regular shape; it was nature's luxuriance just held in there from +bursting down over neck and shoulders; and hardly that, for some locks +were almost escaping. The whole was to the utmost simple, natural, +graceful, rich. But these caricatures! All that they knew was to mass +the hair at the back of the head; and that fact was attained. But some +looked as if they had a hard round cannon-ball fastened there; others +suggested a stuffed pincushion, ready for pins; others had a +mortar-shell in place of a cannon-ball, the size was so enormous; in +nearly all, the hair was strained tight over or under something; in +not one was there an effect which the originator of the fashion would +not have abhorred. Girlish grace was nowhere to be seen, either in +heads or persons; girlish simplicity had no place. It was a school: +but the company looked fitter for the stiff assemblages of ceremony +that should be twenty years later in their lives.</p> + +<p>My heart grew very blank. I felt unspeakably alone; not merely because +there was nobody there whom I knew, but because there was nobody whom +it seemed to me I ever should know. I took my tea and bits of bread +and butter, feeling forlorn. A year in that place seemed to me longer +than I could bear. I had exchanged my King Log for King Stork.</p> + +<p>It was some relief when after tea we were separated into other rooms +and sat down to study. But I dreamed over my book. I wondered how +heads could study that had so much trouble on the outside. I wandered +over the seas to that spot somewhere that was marked by the ship that +carried my father and mother.<!-- Page 221 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span> Only now going out towards China; and +how long months might pass before China would be done with and the +ship be bearing them back again. The lesson given me that night was +not difficult enough to bind my attention; and my heart grew very +heavy. So heavy, that I felt I <i>must</i> find help somewhere. And when +one's need is so shut in, then it looks in the right quarter—the only +one left open.</p> + +<p>My little book was upstairs in my bag: but my thoughts flew to my page +of that day and the "Fear thou not, for I am with thee." Nobody knows, +who has not wanted them, how good those words are. Nobody else can +understand how sweet they were to me. I lost for a little all sight of +the study table and the faces round it. I just remembered who was <span class="smcap">WITH +ME</span>; in the freedom and joy of that presence both fears and loneliness +seemed to fade away. "I, the Lord, will hold thy right hand." Yes, and +I, a weak little child, put my hand in the hand of my great Leader, +and felt safe and strong.</p> + +<p>I found very soon I had enemies to meet that I had not yet reckoned +with. The night passed peacefully enough; and the next day I was put +in the schoolroom and found my place in the various classes. The +schoolrooms were large and pleasant; large they had need to be, for +the number of day scholars who attended in them was very great. They +were many as well as spacious; different ages being parted off from +each other. Besides the schoolrooms proper, there were rooms for +recitation, where the classes met their teachers; so we had the change +and variety of moving from one part of the house to another. We met +Mlle. Géneviève in one room, for mathematics and Italian; Mme. Jupon +in another, for French. Miss Dumps seized us in another, for writing +and geography, and made the most of us;<!-- Page 222 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span> she was a severe little +person in her teaching and in her discipline; but she was good. We +called her Miss Maria, in general. Miss Babbitt had the history; and +she did nothing to make it intelligible or interesting. My best +historical times thus far, by much, had been over my clay map and my +red and black headed pins, studying the changes of England and her +people. But Mlle. Géneviève put a new life into mathematics. I could +never love the study; but she made it a great deal better than Miss +Pinshon made it. Indeed, I believe that to learn anything under Mlle. +Géneviève would have been pleasant. She had so much fire and energy; +she taught with such a will; her black eyes were so keen both for her +pupils and her subject. One never thought of the discipline in Mlle. +Géneviève's room, but only of the study. I was young to be there, in +the class where she put me; but my training had fitted me for it. With +Mme. Jupon also I had an easy time. She was good-nature itself, and +from the first showed a particular favour and liking for me. And as I +had no sort of wish to break rules, with Miss Maria too I got on well. +It was out of school and out of study hours that my difficulties came +upon me.</p> + +<p>For a day or two I did not meet them. I was busy with the school +routine, and beginning already to take pleasure in it. Knowledge was +to be had here; lay waiting to be gathered up; and that gathering I +always enjoyed. Miss Pinshon had kept me on short allowance. It was +the third or fourth day after my arrival, that going up after dinner +to get ready for a walk I missed my chinchilla cap from its peg. I +sought for it in vain.</p> + +<p>"Come, Daisy," said Miss Lansing, "make haste. Babbitt will be after +you directly if you aren't ready. Put on your cap."<!-- Page 223 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I can't find it," I said. "I left it here, in its place, but I can't +find it."</p> + +<p>There was a burst of laughter from three of my room-mates, as Miss St. +Clair danced out from the closet with the cap on her own brows; and +then with a caper of agility, taking it off, flung it up to the +chandelier, where it hung on one of the burners.</p> + +<p>"For shame, Faustina, that's too bad. How can she get it?" said Miss +Bentley.</p> + +<p>"I don't want her to get it," said the St. Clair coolly.</p> + +<p>"Then how can she go to walk?"</p> + +<p>"I don't want her to go to walk."</p> + +<p>"Faustina, that isn't right. Miss Randolph is a stranger; you +shouldn't play tricks on her."</p> + +<p>"Roundheads were always revolutionists," said the girl recklessly. "<i>A +la lanterne!</i> Heads or hats—it don't signify which. That is an +example of what our Madame calls 'symbolism.'"</p> + +<p>"Hush—sh! Madame would call it something else. Now how are we going +to get the cap down?"</p> + +<p>For the lamp hung high, having been pushed up out of reach for the +day. The St. Clair ran off, and Miss Macy followed; but the two others +consulted, and Lansing ran down to waylay the chambermaid and beg a +broom. By the help of the broom handle my cap was at length dislodged +from its perch, and restored to me. But I was angry. I felt the fiery +current running through my veins; and the unspeakable saucy glance of +St. Clair's eye, as I passed her to take my place in the procession, +threw fuel on the fire. I think for years I had not been angry in such +a fashion. The indignation I had at different times felt against the +overseer at Magnolia was a justifiable thing. Now<!-- Page 224 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span> I was angry and +piqued. The feeling was new to me. I had been without it very long. I +swallowed the ground with my feet during my walk; but before the walk +came to an end the question began to come up in my mind, what was the +matter? and whether I did well? These sprinklings of water on the +flame I think made it leap into new life at first; but as they came +and came again, I had more to think about than St. Clair when I got +back to the house. Yes, and as we were all taking off our things +together I was conscious that I shunned her; that the sight of her was +disagreeable; and that I would have liked to visit some gentle +punishment upon her careless head. The bustle of business swallowed up +the feeling for the rest of the time till we went to bed.</p> + +<p>But then it rose very fresh, and I began to question myself about it +in the silence and darkness. Finding myself inclined to justify +myself, I bethought me to try this new feeling by some of the words I +had been studying in my little book for a few days past. "The entrance +of thy words giveth light"—was the leading text for the day that had +just gone; now I thought I would try it in my difficulty. The very +next words on the page I remembered were these—"God is light, and in +him is no darkness at all."</p> + +<p>It came into my mind as soon, that this feeling of anger and +resentment which troubled me had to do with darkness, not with the +light. In vain I reasoned to prove the contrary; I <i>felt</i> dark. I +could not look up to that clear white light where God dwells, and feel +at all that I was "walking in the light as he is in the light." +Clearly Daisy Randolph was out of the way. And I went on with +bitterness of heart to the next words—"Ye <i>were</i> sometime darkness, +but now are ye light in the Lord; walk as children of light."<!-- Page 225 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span></p> + +<p>And what then? was I to pass by quietly the insolence of St. Clair? +was I to take it quite quietly, and give no sign even of annoyance? +take no means of showing my displeasure, or of putting a stop to the +naughtiness that called it forth? My mind put these questions +impatiently, and still, as it did so, an answer came from +somewhere,—"Walk as children of light." I <i>knew</i> that children of +light would reprove darkness only with light; and a struggle began. +Other words came into my head then, which made the matter only +clearer. "If any man smite thee on the one cheek, turn to him the +other." "Love your enemies." Ah, but how could I? with what should I +put out this fire kindled in my heart, which seemed only to burn the +fiercer whatever I threw upon it? And then other words came still +sweeping upon me with their sweetness, and I remembered who had said, +"I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee." I softly got out of +bed, wrapped the coverlid round me, and knelt down to pray. For I had +no time to lose. To-morrow I must meet my little companion, and +to-morrow I <i>must</i> be ready to walk as a child of light, and to-night +the fires of darkness were burning in my heart. I was long on my +knees. I remember, in a kind of despair at last I flung myself on the +word of Jesus, and cried to Him as Peter did when he saw the wind +boisterous. I remember how the fire died out in my heart, till the +very coals were dead; and how the day and the sunlight came stealing +in, till it was all sunshine. I gave my thanks, and got into bed, and +slept without a break the rest of the night.<!-- Page 226 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.</h2> + +<h3>A PLACE IN THE WORLD.</h3> + +<p class="cap">I WAS an humbler child when I got out of bed the next morning, I +think, than ever I had been in my life before. But I had another +lesson to learn.</p> + +<p>I was not angry any more at Miss St. Clair. That was gone. Even when +she did one or two other mischievous things to me, the rising feeling +of offence was quickly got under; and I lived in great charity with +her. My new lesson was of another sort.</p> + +<p>Two or three days passed, and then came Sunday. It was never a +comfortable day at Mme. Ricard's. We all went to church of course, +under the care of one or other of the teachers; and we had our choice +where to go. Miss Babbitt went to a Presbyterian church. Miss Maria to +a high Episcopal. Mme. Jupon attended a little French Protestant +chapel; and Mlle. Géneviève and Mme. Ricard went to the Catholic +church. The first Sunday I had gone with them, not knowing at all +whither. I found that would not do; and since then I had tried the +other parties. But I was in a strait; for Miss Maria's church seemed<!-- Page 227 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span> +to me a faded image of Mlle. Géneviève's; the Presbyterian church +which Miss Babbitt went to was stiff and dull; I was not at home in +either of them, and could not understand or enjoy what was spoken. The +very music had an air of incipient petrification, if I can speak so +about sounds. At the little French chapel I could as little comprehend +the words that were uttered. But in the pulpit there was a man with a +shining face; a face full of love and truth and earnestness. He spoke +out of his heart, and no set words; and the singing was simple and +sweet and the hymns beautiful. I could understand them, for I had the +hymn-book in my hands. Also I had the French Bible, and Mme. Jupon, +delighted to have me with her, assured me that if I listened I would +very soon begin to understand the minister's preaching just as well as +if it were English. So I went with Mme. Jupon, and thereby lost some +part of Mlle. Géneviève's favour; but that I did not understand till +afterwards.</p> + +<p>We had all been to church as usual, this Sunday, and we were taking +off our hats and things upstairs, after the second service. My simple +toilet was soon made; and I sat upon the side of my little bed, +watching those of my companions. They were a contrast to mine. The +utmost that money could do, to bring girls into the fashion, was done +for these girls; for the patrons of Mme. Ricard's establishment were +nearly all rich.</p> + +<p>Costly coats and cloaks, heavily trimmed, were surmounted with every +variety of showy head-gear, in every variety of unsuitableness. To +study bad taste, one would want no better field than the heads of Mme. +Ricard's seventy boarders dressed for church. Not that the articles +which were worn on the heads were always bad; some of them came from +irreproachable workshops; but there was everywhere the bad taste of +overdressing, and no<!-- Page 228 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span>where the tact of appropriation. The hats were +all on the wrong heads. Everybody was a testimony of what money can do +without art. I sat on my little bed, vaguely speculating on all this +as I watched my companions disrobing; at intervals humming the sweet +French melody to which the last hymn had been sung; when St. Clair +paused in her talk and threw a glance in my direction. It lighted on +my plain plaid frock and undressed hair.</p> + +<p>"Don't you come from the country, Miss Randolph?" she said, insolently +enough.</p> + +<p>I answered yes. And I remembered what my mantua-maker had said.</p> + +<p>"Did you have that dress made there?"</p> + +<p>"For shame, St. Clair!" said Miss Bentley; "let Miss Randolph alone. I +am sure her dress is very neat."</p> + +<p>"I wonder if women don't wear long hair where she came from?" said the +girl, turning away from me again. The others laughed.</p> + +<p>I was as little pleased at that moment with the defence as with the +attack. The instant thought in my mind was, that Miss Bentley knew no +more how to conduct the one than Miss St. Clair to make the other; if +the latter had no civility, the first had no style. Now the St. Clair +was one of the best dressed girls in school and came from one of the +most important families. I thought, if she knew where I came from, and +who my mother was, she would change her tone. Nevertheless, I wished +mamma would order me to let my hair grow, and I began to think whether +I might not do it without order. And I thought also that the spring +was advancing, and warm weather would soon be upon us; and that these +girls would change their talk and their<!-- Page 229 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span> opinion about me when they +saw my summer frocks. There was nothing like <i>them</i> in all the school. +I ran over in my mind their various elegance, of texture and lace, and +fine embroidery, and graceful, simple drapery. And also I thought, if +these girls could see Magnolia, its magnificent oaks, and its acres of +timber, and its sweeps of rich fields, and its troops of servants, +their minds would be enlightened as to me and my belongings.</p> + +<p>These meditations were a mixture of comfort and discomfort to me; but +on the whole I was not comfortable. This process of comparing myself +with my neighbours, I was not accustomed to; and even though its +results were so favourable, I did not like it. Neither did I quite +relish living under a cloud; and my eyes being a little sharpened now, +I could see that not by my young companions alone, but by every one of +the four teachers, I was looked upon as a harmless little girl whose +mother knew nothing about the fashionable world. I do not think that +anything in my manner showed either my pique or my disdain; I believe +I went out of doors just as usual; but these things were often in my +thoughts, and taking by degrees more room in them.</p> + +<p>It was not till the Sunday came round again, that I got any more +light. The afternoon service was over; we had come home and laid off +our bonnets and cloaks; for though we were in April it was cold and +windy; and my schoolfellows had all gone downstairs to the parlour, +where they had the privilege of doing what they pleased before tea. I +was left alone. It was almost my only time for being alone in the +whole week. I had an hour then; and I used to spend it in my bedroom +with my Bible. To-day I was reading the first epistle of John, which I +was very fond of; and as my custom was, not reading merely, but +pondering and praying over the words verse by verse. So I<!-- Page 230 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span> found that +I understood them better and enjoyed them a great deal more. I came to +these words,—</p> + +<p>"Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we +should be called the sons of God; therefore the world knoweth us not, +because it knew him not."</p> + +<p>I had dwelt sometime upon the first part of the verse, forgetting all +my discomforts of the week past; and came in due course to the next +words. I never shall forget how they swept in upon. "<i>The world +knoweth us not.</i>"—What did that mean? "Because it knew him not." How +did it not know Him; He was in the midst of men; He lived no hidden +life; the world knew Him well enough as a benefactor, a teacher, a +reprover; in what sense did it <i>not</i> know Him? And I remembered, it +did not know Him as one of its own party. He was "this fellow,"—and +"the deceiver;"—"the Nazarene;" "they called the master of the house +Beelzebub." And so the world knoweth <i>us</i> not; and I knew well enough +why; because we must be like Him. And then, I found an unwillingness +in myself to have these words true of me. I had been very satisfied +under the slighting tones and looks of the little world around me, +thinking that they were mistaken and would by and by know it; they +would know that in all that they held so dear, of grace and fashion +and elegance and distinguished appearance, my mother, and of course I, +were not only their match but above them. Now, must I be content to +have them never know it? But, I thought, I could not help their seeing +the fact; if I dressed as my mother's child was accustomed to dress, +they would know what sphere of life I belonged to. And then the words bore +down upon me again, with their uncompromising distinctness,—"<i>the world +knoweth us not</i>." I saw it was a mark and<!-- Page 231 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span> character of those that +belonged to Christ. I saw that, if I belonged to Him, the world must not +know me. The conclusion was very plain. And to secure the conclusion, the +way was very plain too; I must simply not be like the world. I must not be +of the world; and I must let it be known that I was not.</p> + +<p>Face to face with the issue, I started back. For not to be of the +world, meant, not to follow their ways. I did not want to follow some +of their ways; I had no desire to break the Sabbath, for example; but +I did like to wear pretty and elegant and expensive things, and +fashionable things. It is very true, I had just denied myself this +pleasure, and bought a plain dress and coat that did not charm me; but +that was in favour of Margaret and to save money for her. And I had no +objection to do the same thing again and again, for the same motive; +and to deny myself to the end of the chapter, so long as others were +in need. But that was another matter from shaking hands with the world +at once, and being willing that for all my life it should never know +me as one of those whom it honoured. Never <i>know</i> me, in fact. I must +be something out of the world's consciousness, and of no importance to +it. And to begin with, I must never try to enlighten my schoolfellows' +eyes about myself. Let them think that Daisy Randolph came from +somewhere in the country and was accustomed to wear no better dresses +in ordinary than her school plaid. Let them never be aware that I had +ponies and servants and lands and treasures. Nay, the force of the +words I had read went farther than that. I felt it, down in my heart. +Not only I must take no measures to proclaim my title to the world's +regard; but I must be such and so unlike it in my whole way of life, +dress and all, that the world would not wish to recognize me, nor have +anything to do with me.<!-- Page 232 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span></p> + +<p>I counted the cost now, and it seemed heavy. There was Miss Bentley, +with her clumsy finery, put on as it were one dollar above the other. +She patronized me, as a little country-girl who knew nothing. Must I +not undeceive her? There was Faustina St. Clair, really of a good +family, and insolent on the strength of it; must I never let her know +that mine was as good and that my mother had as much knowledge of the +proprieties and elegances of life as ever hers had? These girls and +plenty of the others looked down upon me as something inferior; not +belonging to their part of society; must I be content henceforth to +live so simply that these and others who judge by the outside would +never be any wiser as to what I really was? Something in me rebelled. +Yet the words I had been reading were final and absolute. "The world +knoweth us <i>not</i>;" and "us," I knew meant the little band in whose +hearts Christ is king. Surely I was one of them. But I was unwilling +to slip out of the world's view and be seen by it no more. I +struggled.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>It was something very new in my experience. I had certainly felt +struggles of duty in other times, but they had never lasted long. This +lasted. With an eye made keen by conscience, I looked now in my +reading to see what else I might find that would throw light on the +matter and perhaps soften off the uncompromising decision of the words +of St John. By and by I came to these words—</p> + +<p>"If ye were of the world, the world would love his own. But because ye +are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, +<i>therefore the world hateth you</i>."</p> + +<p>I shut the book. The issue could not be more plainly set forth. I must +choose between the one party and the other. Nay, I had chosen;—but I +must agree to belong but to one.<!-- Page 233 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span></p> + +<p>Would anybody say that a child could not have such a struggle? that +fourteen years do not know yet what "the world" means? Alas, it is a +relative term; and a child's "world" may be as mighty for her to face, +as any other she will ever know. I think I never found any more +formidable. Moreover, it is less unlike the big world than some would +suppose.</p> + +<p>On the corner of the street, just opposite to our windows, stood a +large handsome house which we always noticed for its flowers. The +house stood in a little green courtyard exquisitely kept, which at one +side and behind gave room for several patches of flower beds, at this +time filled with bulbous plants. I always lingered as much as I could +in passing the iron railings, to have a peep at the beauty within. The +grass was now of a delicious green, and the tulips and hyacinths and +crocuses were in full bloom, in their different oval-shaped beds, +framed in with the green. Besides these, from the windows of a +greenhouse that stretched back along the street, there looked over a +brilliant array of other beauty; I could not tell what; great bunches +of scarlet and tufts of white and gleamings of yellow, that made me +long to be there.</p> + +<p>"Who lives in that house?" Miss Bentley asked one evening. It was the +hour before tea, and we were all at our room windows gazing down into +the avenue.</p> + +<p>"Why, don't you know?" said slow Miss Macy. "That's Miss Cardigan's +house."</p> + +<p>"I wonder who she is?" said Miss Lansing. "It isn't a New York name."</p> + +<p>"Yes, it is," said Macy. "She's lived there for ever. She used to be +there, and her flowers, when I was four years old."</p> + +<p>"I guess she isn't anybody, is she?" said Miss Bentley. "I<!-- Page 234 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span> never see +any carriages at the door. Hasn't she a carriage of her own, I wonder, +or how does she travel? Such a house ought to have a carriage."</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you," said the St. Clair, coolly as usual. "She goes out in +a wagon with an awning to it. <i>She</i> don't know anything about +carriages."</p> + +<p>"But she must have money, you know," urged Miss Bentley. "She couldn't +keep up that house, and the flowers, and the greenhouse and all, +without money."</p> + +<p>"She's got money," said the St. Clair. "Her mother made it selling +cabbages in the market. Very likely she sold flowers too."</p> + +<p>There was a general exclamation and laughter at what was supposed to +be one of St. Clair's flights of mischief; but the young lady stood +her ground calmly, and insisted that it was a thing well known. "My +grandmother used to buy vegetables from old Mrs. Cardigan when we +lived in Broadway," she said. "It's quite true. That's why she knows +nothing about carriages."</p> + +<p>"That sort of thing don't hinder other people from having carriages," +said Miss Lansing. "There's Mr. Mason, next door to Miss +Cardigan,—his father was a tailor; and the Steppes, two doors off, do +you know what they were? They were millers, a little way out of town; +nothing else; had a mill and ground flour. They made a fortune I +suppose, and now here they are in the midst of other people."</p> + +<p>"Plenty of carriages, too," said Miss Macy; "and everything else."</p> + +<p>"After all," said Miss Bentley, after a pause, "I suppose everybody's +money had to be made somehow, in the first instance. I suppose all the +Millers in the world came from real millers once; and the Wheelrights +from wheelwrights."<!-- Page 235 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span></p> + +<p>"And what a world of smiths there must have been first and last," said +Miss Lansing. "The world is full of their descendants."</p> + +<p>"<i>Everybody's</i> money wasn't made, though," said the St. Clair, with an +inexpressible attitude of her short upper lip.</p> + +<p>"I guess it was,—if you go back far enough," said Miss Macy, whom +nothing disturbed. But I saw that while Miss Lansing and Miss St. +Clair were at ease in the foregoing conversation, Miss Bentley was +not.</p> + +<p>"You <i>can't</i> go back far enough," said the St. Clair, haughtily.</p> + +<p>"How then?" said the other. "How do you account for it? Where did +their money come from?"</p> + +<p>"It grew," said the St. Clair ineffably. "They were lords of the +soil."</p> + +<p>"Oh!—But it had to be dug out, I suppose?" said Miss Macy.</p> + +<p>"There were others to do that."</p> + +<p>"After all," said Miss Macy, "how is money that grew any better than +money that is made? it is all made by somebody, too."</p> + +<p>"If it is made by somebody else, it leaves your hands clean," the St. +Clair answered, with an insolence worthy of maturer years; for Miss +Macy's family had grown rich by trade. She was of a slow temper +however and did not take fire.</p> + +<p>"My grandfather's hands were clean," she said; "yet he made his own +money. Honest hands always are clean."</p> + +<p>"Do you suppose Miss Cardigan's were when she was handling her +cabbages?" said St Clair. "I have no doubt Miss Cardigan's house +smells of cabbages now."</p> + +<p>"O St. Clair!" Miss Lansing said, laughing.</p> + +<p>"I always smell them when I go past," said the other, ele<!-- Page 236 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span>vating her +scornful little nose; it was a handsome nose too.</p> + +<p>"I don't think it makes any difference," said Miss Bentley, "provided +people <i>have</i> money, how they came by it. Money buys the same thing +for one that it does for another."</p> + +<p>"Now, my good Bentley, that is just what it <i>don't</i>," said St. Clair, +drumming up the window-pane with the tips of her fingers.</p> + +<p>"Why not?"</p> + +<p>"Because!—people that have always had money know how to use it; and +people who have just come into their money <i>don't</i> know. You can tell +the one from the other as far off as the head of the avenue."</p> + +<p>"But what is to hinder their going to the same milliner and +mantua-maker, for instance, or the same cabinet-maker,—and buying the +same things?"</p> + +<p>"Or the same jeweller, or the same—anything? So they could if they +knew which they were."</p> + +<p>"Which <i>what</i> were? It is easy to tell which is a fashionable +milliner, or mantua-maker; everybody knows that."</p> + +<p>"It don't do some people any good," said St. Clair, turning away. +"When they get in the shop they do not know what to buy; and if they +buy it they can't put it on. People that are not fashionable can't +<i>be</i> fashionable."</p> + +<p>I saw the glance that fell, scarcely touching, on my plain plaid +frock. I was silly enough to feel it too. I was unused to scorn. St. +Clair returned to the window, perhaps sensible that she had gone a +little too far.</p> + +<p>"I can tell you now," she said, "what that old Miss Cardigan has got +in her house—just as well as if I saw it."</p> + +<p>"Did you ever go in?" said Lansing eagerly.</p> + +<p>"We don't visit," said the other. "But I can tell you just as<!-- Page 237 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</a></span> well; +and you can send Daisy Randolph some day to see if it is true."</p> + +<p>"Well, go on, St. Clair—what is there?" said Miss Macy.</p> + +<p>"There's a marble hall, of course; that the mason built; it isn't her +fault. Then in the parlours there are thick carpets, that cost a great +deal of money and are as ugly as they can be, with every colour in the +world. The furniture is red satin, or may be blue, staring bright, +against a light green wall panelled with gold. The ceilings are gold +and white, with enormous chandeliers. On the wall there are some very +big picture frames, with nothing in them—to speak of; there is a +table in the middle of the floor with a marble top, and the piers are +filled with mirrors down to the floor: and the second room is like the +first and the third is like the second, and there is nothing else in +any of the rooms but what I have told you."</p> + +<p>"Well, it is a very handsome house, I should think, if you have told +true," said Miss Bentley.</p> + +<p>St. Clair left the window with a scarce perceptible but most wicked +smile at her friend Miss Lansing; and the group scattered. Only I +remained to think it over and ask myself, could I let go my vantage +ground? could I make up my mind to do for ever without the smile and +regard of that portion of the world which little St. Clair +represented? It is powerful even in a school!</p> + +<p>I had seen how carelessly this undoubted child of birth and fashion +wielded the lash of her tongue; and how others bowed before it. I had +seen Miss Bentley wince, and Miss Macy bite her lip; but neither of +them dared affront the daughter of Mrs. St. Clair. Miss Lansing was +herself of the favoured class, and had listened lightly. Fashion was +power, that was plain. Was<!-- Page 238 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</a></span> I willing to forego it? Was I willing to +be one of those whom fashion passes by as St. Clair had glanced on my +dress—as something not worthy a thought.</p> + +<p>I was not happy, those days. Something within me was struggling for +self assertion. It was new to me; for until then I had never needed to +assert my claims to anything. For the first time, I was looked down +upon, and I did not like it. I do not quite know why I was made to +know this so well. My dress, if not showy or costly, was certainly +without blame in its neatness and niceness, and perfectly becoming my +place as a schoolgirl. And I had very little to do at that time with +my schoolmates, and that little was entirely friendly in its +character. I am obliged to think, looking back at it now, that some +rivalry was at work. I did not then understand it. But I was taking a +high place in all my classes. I had gone past St. Clair in two or +three things. Miss Lansing was too far behind in her studies to feel +any jealousy on that account; but besides that, I was an unmistakable +favourite with all the teachers. They liked to have me do anything for +them or with them; if any privilege was to be given, I was sure to be +one of the first names called to share it; if I was spoken to for +anything, the manner and tone were in contrast with those used towards +almost all my fellows. It may have been partly for these reasons that +there was a little positive element in the slight which I felt. The +effect of the whole was to make a long struggle in my mind. "The world +knoweth us not"—gave the character and condition of that party to +which I belonged. I was feeling now what those words mean,—and it was +not pleasant.</p> + +<p>This struggle had been going on for several weeks, and growing more +and more wearying, when Mrs. Sandford came one<!-- Page 239 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</a></span> day to see me. She +said I did not look very well, and obtained leave for me to take a +walk with her. I was glad of the change. It was a pleasant bright +afternoon; we strolled up the long avenue, then gay and crowded with +passers to and fro in every variety and in the height of the mode; for +our avenue was a favourite and very fashionable promenade. The gay +world nodded and bowed to each other; the sun streamed on satins and +laces, flowers and embroidery; elegant toilets passed and repassed +each other, with smiling recognition; the street was a show. I walked +by Mrs. Sandford's side in my chinchilla cap, for I had not got a +straw hat yet, though it was time; thinking—"The world knoweth us +not"—and carrying on the struggle in my heart all the while. By and +by we turned to come down the avenue.</p> + +<p>"I want to stop a moment here on some business," said Mrs. Sandford, +as we came to Miss Cardigan's corner; "would you like to go in with +me, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>I was pleased, and moreover glad that it was the hour for my +companions to be out walking. I did not wish to be seen going in at +that house and to have all the questions poured on me that would be +sure to come. Moreover, I was curious to see how far Miss St. Clair's +judgment would be verified. The marble hall was undoubted; it was +large and square, with a handsome staircase going up from it; but the +parlour, into which we were ushered the next minute, crossed all my +expectations. It was furnished with dark chintz; no satin, red or +blue, was anywhere to be seen; even the curtains were chintz. The +carpet was not rich; the engravings on the walls were in wooden frames +varnished; the long mirror between the windows, for that was there, +reflected a very simple mahogany table, on which lay a large<!-- Page 240 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</a></span> work +basket, some rolls of muslin and flannel, work cut and uncut, shears +and spools of cotton. Another smaller table held books and papers and +writing materials. This was shoved up to the corner of the hearth, +where a fire—a real, actual fire of sticks—was softly burning. The +room was full of the sweet smell of the burning wood. Between the two +tables, in a comfortable large chair, sat the lady we had come to see. +My heart warmed at the look of her immediately. Such a face of genial +gentle benevolence; such a healthy sweet colour in the old cheeks; +such a hearty, kind, and withal shrewd and sound, expression of eye +and lip. She was stout and dumpy in figure, rather fat; with a little +plain cap on her head and a shawl pinned round her shoulders. Somebody +who had never been known to the world of fashion. But oh, how homely +and comfortable she and her room looked! she and her room and her cat; +for a great white cat sat with her paws doubled under her in front of +the fire.</p> + +<p>"My sister begged that I would call and see you, Miss Cardigan," Mrs. +Sandford began, "about a poor family named Whittaker, that live +somewhere in Ellen Street."</p> + +<p>"I know them. Be seated," said our hostess. "I know them well. But I +don't know this little lady."</p> + +<p>"A little friend of mine, Miss Cardigan; she is at school with your +neighbour opposite,—Miss Daisy Randolph."</p> + +<p>"If nearness made neighbourhood," said Miss Cardigan, laughing, "Mme. +Ricard and I would be neighbours; but I am afraid the rule of the Good +Samaritan would put us far apart. Miss Daisy—do you like my cat; or +would you like maybe to go in and look at my flowers?—yes?—Step in +that way, dear; just go through that room, and on, straight through; +you'll smell them before you come to them."<!-- Page 241 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</a></span></p> + +<p>I gladly obeyed her, stepping in through the darkened middle room, +where already the greeting of the distant flowers met me; then through +a third smaller room, light and bright and full of fragrance, and to +my surprise, lined with books. From this an open glass door let me +into the greenhouse and into the presence of the beauties I had so +often looked up to from the street. I lost myself then. Geraniums +breathed over me; roses smiled at me; a daphne at one end of the room +filled the whole place with its fragrance. Amaryllis bulbs were +magnificent; fuchsias dropped with elegance; jonquils were shy and +dainty; violets were good; hyacinths were delicious; tulips were +splendid. Over and behind all these and others, were wonderful ferns, +and heaths most delicate in their simplicity, and myrtles most +beautiful with their shining dark foliage and starry white blossoms. I +lost myself at first, and wandered past all these new and old friends +in a dream; then I waked up to an intense feeling of homesickness. I +had not been in such a greenhouse in a long time; the geraniums and +roses and myrtles summoned me back to the years when I was a little +happy thing at Melbourne House—or summoned the images of that time +back to me. Father and mother and home—the delights and freedoms of +those days—the carelessness, and the care—the blessed joys of that +time before I knew Miss Pinshon, or school, and before I was perplexed +with the sorrows and the wants of the world, and before I was +alone—above all, when papa and mamma and I were <i>at home</i>. The +geraniums and the roses set me back there so sharply that I felt it +all. I had lost myself at first going into the greenhouse; and now I +had quite lost sight of everything else, and stood gazing at the faces +of the flowers with some tears on my own, and, I suppose, a good deal +of revelation of<!-- Page 242 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</a></span> my feeling; for I was unutterably startled by the +touch of two hands upon my shoulders and a soft whisper in my ear, +"What is it, my bairn?"</p> + +<p>It was Miss Cardigan's soft Scotch accent, and it was besides a +question of the tenderest sympathy. I looked at her, saw the kind and +strong grey eyes which were fixed on me wistfully; and hiding my face +in her bosom I sobbed aloud.</p> + +<p>I don't know how I came to be there, in her arms, nor how I did +anything so unlike my habit; but there I was, and it was done, and +Miss Cardigan and I were in each other's confidence. It was only for +one moment that my tears came; then I recovered myself.</p> + +<p>"What sort of discourse did the flowers hold to you, little one?" said +Miss Cardigan's kind voice; while her stout person hid all view of me +that could have been had through the glass door.</p> + +<p>"Papa is away," I said, forcing myself to speak,—"and mamma:—and we +used to have these flowers—"</p> + +<p>"Yes, yes; I know. I know very well," said my friend. "The flowers +didn't know but you were there yet. They hadn't discretion. Mrs. +Sandford wants to go, dear. Will you come again and see them? They +will say something else next time."</p> + +<p>"Oh, may I?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Just whenever you like, and as often as you like. So I'll expect +you."</p> + +<p>I went home, very glad at having escaped notice from my schoolmates, +and firmly bent on accepting Miss Cardigan's invitation at the first +chance I had. I asked about her of Mrs. Sandford in the first place; +and learned that she was "a very good sort of person; a little queer, +but very kind; a person<!-- Page 243 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</a></span> that did a great deal of good and had plenty +of money. Not in society, of course," Mrs. Sandford added; "but I dare +say she don't miss that; and she is just as useful as if she were."</p> + +<p>"Not in society." That meant, I supposed, that Miss Cardigan would not +be asked to companies where Mrs. Randolph would be found, or Mrs. +Sandford; that such people would not "know" her, in fact. That would +certainly be a loss to Miss Cardigan; but I wondered how much? "The +world knoweth us not,"—the lot of all Christ's people,—could it +involve anything in itself very bad? My old Juanita, for example, who +held herself the heir to a princely inheritance, was it any harm to +her that earthly palaces knew her only as a servant? But then, what +did not matter to Juanita or Miss Cardigan might matter to somebody +who had been used to different things. I knew how it had been with +myself for a time past. I was puzzled. I determined to wait and see, +if I could, how much it mattered to Miss Cardigan.<!-- Page 244 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.</h2> + +<h3>FRENCH DRESSES.</h3> + +<p class="cap">MY new friend had given me free permission to come and see her +whenever I found myself able. Saturday afternoon we always had to +ourselves in the school; and the next Saturday found me at Miss +Cardigan's door again as soon as my friends and room-mates were well +out of my way. Miss Cardigan was not at home, the servant said, but +she would be in presently. I was just as well pleased. I took off my +cap, and carrying it in my hand I went back through the rooms to the +greenhouse. All still and fresh and sweet, it seemed more delightful +than ever, because I knew there was nobody near. Some new flowers were +out. An azalea was in splendid beauty, and a white French rose, very +large and fair, was just blossoming, and with the red roses and the +hyacinths and the violets and the daphne and the geraniums, made a +wonderful sweet place of the little greenhouse. I lost myself in +delight again; but this time the delight did not issue in +homesickness. The flowers had another message for me to-day. I did not +heed it<!-- Page 245 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</a></span> at first, busy with examining and drinking in the fragrance +and the loveliness about me; but even as I looked and drank, the +flowers began to whisper to me. With their wealth of perfume, with all +their various, glorious beauty, one and another leaned towards me or +bent over me with the question—"Daisy, are you afraid?—Daisy, are +you afraid?—The good God who has made us so rich, do you think he +will leave you poor? He loves you, Daisy. You needn't be a bit afraid +but that <span class="smcap">He</span> is enough, even if the world does not know you. He is rich +enough for you as well as for us."</p> + +<p>I heard no voice, but surely I heard that whisper, plain enough. The +roses seemed to kiss me with it. The sweet azalea repeated it. The +hyacinths stood witnesses of it. The gay tulips and amaryllis held up +a banner before me on which it was blazoned.</p> + +<p>I was so ashamed, and sorry, and glad, all at once, that I fell down +on my knees there, on the stone matted floor, and gave up the world +from my heart and for ever, and stretched out my hands for the wealth +that does not perish and the blessing that has no sorrow with it.</p> + +<p>I was afraid to stay long on my knees; but I could hardly get my eyes +dry again, I was so glad and so sorry. I remember I was wiping a tear +or two away when Miss Cardigan came in. She greeted me kindly.</p> + +<p>"There's a new rose out, did ye see it?" she said; "and this blue +hyacinth has opened its flowers. Isn't that bonny?"</p> + +<p>"What is <i>bonny</i>, ma'am?" I asked.</p> + +<p>Miss Cardigan laughed, the heartiest, sonsiest low laugh.</p> + +<p>"There's a many things the Lord has made bonny," she said. "I thank +Him for it. Look at these violets—they're bonny; and<!-- Page 246 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</a></span> this sweet red +rose." She broke it off the tree and gave it to me. "It's bad that it +shames your cheeks so. What's the matter wi' 'em, my bairn?"</p> + +<p>Miss Cardigan's soft finger touched my cheek as she spoke; and the +voice and tone of the question were so gently, tenderly kind that it +was pleasant to answer. I said I had not been very strong.</p> + +<p>"Nor just weel in your mind. No, no. Well, what did the flowers say to +you to-day, my dear? Eh? They told you something?"</p> + +<p>"Oh yes!" I said.</p> + +<p>"Did they tell you that 'the Lord is good; a stronghold in the day of +trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in Him?'"</p> + +<p>"Oh yes," I said, looking up at her in surprise. "How did you know?"</p> + +<p>For all answer, Miss Cardigan folded her two arms tight about me and +kissed me with earnest good will.</p> + +<p>"But they told me something else," I said, struggling to command +myself;—"they told me that I had <i>not</i> 'trusted in Him.'"</p> + +<p>"Ah, my bairn!" she said. "But the Lord is good."</p> + +<p>There was so much both of understanding and sympathy in her tones, +that I had a great deal of trouble to control myself. I felt +unspeakably happy too, that I had found a friend that could +understand. I was silent, and Miss Cardigan looked at me.</p> + +<p>"Is it all right, noo?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"Except <i>me</i>,—" I said with my eyes swimming.</p> + +<p>"Ah, well!" she said. "You've seen the sky all black and covered with +the thick clouds—that's like our sins: but, 'I have<!-- Page 247 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</a></span> blotted out as a +thick cloud thy transgressions, and as a cloud thy sins.' You know how +it is when the wind comes and clears the clouds all off, and you can +look up through the blue, till it seems as if your eye would win into +heaven itself. Keep the sky clear, my darling, so that you can always +see up straight to God, with never the fleck of a cloud between. But +do you ken what will clear the clouds away?"</p> + +<p>And I looked up now with a smile and answered, "'The precious blood of +Christ'"—for the two texts had been close together in one of the +pages of my little book not long before.</p> + +<p>Miss Cardigan clapped her hands together softly and laughed. "Ye've +got it!" she said. "Ye have gotten the pearl of great price. And where +did ye find it, my dear?"</p> + +<p>"I had a friend, that taught me in a Sunday-school, four years ago,—" +I said.</p> + +<p>"Ah, there weren't so many Sunday-schools in my day," said Miss +Cardigan. "And ye have found, maybe, that this other sort of a school, +that ye have gotten to now, isn't helpful altogether? Is it a rough +road, my bairn?"</p> + +<p>"It is my own fault," I said, looking at her gratefully. The tender +voice went right into my heart.</p> + +<p>"Well, noo, ye'll just stop and have tea with me here; and whenever +the way is rough, ye'll come over to my flowers and rest yourself. And +rest me too; it does me a world o' good to see a young face. So take +off your coat, my dear, and let us sit down and be comfortable."</p> + +<p>I was afraid at first that I could not; I had no liberty to be absent +at tea-time. But Miss Cardigan assured me I should be home in good +season; the school tea was at seven, and her own was always served at +six. So very gladly, with an inexpressible<!-- Page 248 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</a></span> sense of freedom and +peace, I took off my coat and gloves, and followed my kind friend back +to the parlour where her fire was burning. For although it was late in +April, the day was cool and raw; and the fire one saw nowhere else was +delightful in Miss Cardigan's parlour.</p> + +<p>Every minute of that afternoon was as bright as the fire glow. I sat +in the midst of that, on an ottoman, and Miss Cardigan, busy between +her two tables, made me very much interested in her story of some +distressed families for whom she was working. She asked me very little +about my own affairs; nothing that the most delicate good breeding did +not warrant; but she found out that my father and mother were at a +great distance from me, and I almost alone, and she gave me the +freedom of her house. I was to come there whenever I could and liked; +whenever I wanted to "rest my feet," as she said; especially I might +spend as much of every Sunday with her as I could get leave for. And +she made this first afternoon so pleasant to me with her gentle +beguiling talk, that the permission to come often was like the +entrance into a whole world of comfort. She had plenty to talk about; +plenty to tell, of the poor people to whom she and others were +ministering; of plans and methods to do them good; all which somehow +she made exceedingly interesting. There was just a little accent to +her words, which made them, in their peculiarity, all the more sweet +to me; but she spoke good English; the "noo" which slipped out now and +then, with one or two other like words, came only, I found, at times +when the fountain of feeling was more full than ordinary, and so +flowed over into the disused old channel. And her face was so fresh, +rosy, round and sweet, withal strong and sound, that it was a +perpetual pleasure to me.<!-- Page 249 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</a></span></p> + +<p>As she told her stories of New York needy and suffering, I mentally +added my poor people at Magnolia, and began to wonder with myself, was +all the world so? Were these two spots but samples of the whole? I got +into a brown study, and was waked out of it by Miss Cardigan's "What +is it, my dear?"</p> + +<p>"Ma'am?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Ye are studying some deep question," she said, smiling. "Maybe it's +too big for you."</p> + +<p>"So it is," said I, sighing. "Is it so everywhere, Miss Cardigan?"</p> + +<p>"So how, my bairn?"</p> + +<p>"Is there so much trouble everywhere in the world?"</p> + +<p>Her face clouded over.</p> + +<p>"Jesus said, 'The poor ye have always with you, and whensoever ye will +ye may do them good.'"</p> + +<p>"But that is what I don't understand about," I said. "<i>How much</i> ought +one to do, Miss Cardigan?"</p> + +<p>There came a ray of infinite brightness over her features; I can +hardly describe it; it was warm with love, and bright with pleasure, +and I thought sparkled with a little amusement.</p> + +<p>"Have you thought upon that?" she said.</p> + +<p>"Yes," I said,—"very much."</p> + +<p>"It is a great question!" she said, her face becoming grave again.</p> + +<p>"I know," I said, "of course one ought to do all one can. But what I +want to know is, how much one <i>can</i>. How much ought one to spend, for +such things?"</p> + +<p>"It's a great question," Miss Cardigan repeated, more gravely than +before. "For when the King comes, to take account of<!-- Page 250 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</a></span> His servants, He +will want to know what we have done with every penny. Be sure, He +will."</p> + +<p>"Then how can one tell?" said I, hoping earnestly that now I was going +to get some help in my troubles. "How can one know? It is very +difficult."</p> + +<p>"I'll no say it's not difficult," said Miss Cardigan, whose thoughts +seemed to have gone into the recesses of her own mind. "Dear, its nigh +our tea-time. Let us go in."</p> + +<p>I followed her, much disappointed, and feeling that if she passed the +subject by so, I could not bring it up again. We went through to the +inner room; the same from which the glass door opened to the flowers. +Here a small table was now spread. This room was cosy. I had hardly +seen it before. Low bookcases lined it on every side; and above the +bookcases hung maps; maps of the city and of various parts of the +world where missionary stations were established. Along with the maps, +a few engravings and fine photographs. I remember one of the +Colosseum, which I used to study; and a very beautiful engraving of +Jerusalem. But the one that fixed my eyes this first evening, perhaps +because Miss Cardigan placed me in front of it, was a picture of +another sort. It was a good photograph, and had beauty enough besides +to hold my eyes. It showed a group of three or four. A boy and girl in +front, handsome, careless, and well-to-do, passing along, with +wandering eyes. Behind them and disconnected from them by her dress +and expression, a tall woman in black robes with a baby on her breast. +The hand of the woman was stretched out with a coin which she was +about dropping into an iron-bound coffer which stood at the side of +the picture. It was "the widow's mite;" and her face, wan, sad, sweet, +yet loving and longing, told the story. The two<!-- Page 251 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</a></span> coins were going into +the box with all her heart.</p> + +<p>"You know what it is?" said my hostess.</p> + +<p>"I see, ma'am," I replied; "it is written under."</p> + +<p>"That box is the Lord's treasury."</p> + +<p>"Yes, ma'am," I said,—"I know."</p> + +<p>"Do you remember how much that woman gave?"</p> + +<p>"Two mites,"—I said.</p> + +<p>"It was something more than that," said my hostess. "It was more than +anybody else gave that day. Don't you recollect? It was <i>all her +living</i>."</p> + +<p>I looked at Miss Cardigan, and she looked at me. Then my eyes went +back to the picture, and to the sad yet sweet and most loving face of +the poor woman there.</p> + +<p>"Ma'am," said I, "do you think people that are <i>rich</i> ought to give +all they have?"</p> + +<p>"I only know, my Lord was pleased with her," said Miss Cardigan +softly; "and I always think I should like to have Him pleased with me +too."</p> + +<p>I was silent, looking at the picture and thinking.</p> + +<p>"You know what made that poor widow give her two mites?" Miss Cardigan +asked presently.</p> + +<p>"I suppose she wanted to give them," I said.</p> + +<p>"Ay," said my hostess, turning away,—"she loved the Lord's glory +beyond her own comfort. Come, my love, and let us have some tea. She +gave all she had, Miss Daisy, and the Lord liked it; do ye think you +and me can do less?"</p> + +<p>"But that is what I do not understand," I said, following Miss +Cardigan to the little tea-table, and watching with great comfort the +bright unruffled face which promised to be such a help to me.<!-- Page 252 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Now you'll sit down there," said my hostess, "where you can see my +flowers while I can see you. It's poor work eating, if we cannot look +at something or hear something at the same time; and maybe we'll do +the two things. And ye'll have a bit of honey—here it is. And Lotty +will bring us up a bit of hot toast—or is bread the better, my dear? +Now ye're at home; and maybe you'll come over and drink tea with me +whenever you can run away from over there. I'll have Lotty set a place +for you. And then, when ye think of the empty place, you will know you +had better come over and fill it. See—you could bring your study book +and study here in this quiet little corner by the flowers."</p> + +<p>I gave my very glad thanks. I knew that I could often do this.</p> + +<p>"And now for the 'not understanding,'" said Miss Cardigan, when tea +was half over. "How was it, my dear?"</p> + +<p>"I have been puzzled," I said, "about giving—how much one ought to +give, and how much one ought to spend—I mean for oneself."</p> + +<p>"Well," said Miss Cardigan brightly, "we have fixed that. The poor +woman gave <i>all her living</i>."</p> + +<p>"But one must spend <i>some</i> money for oneself," I said. "One must have +bonnets and cloaks and dresses."</p> + +<p>"And houses, and books, and pictures," said Miss Cardigan, looking +around her. "My lamb, let us go to the Bible again. That says, +'whether ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of +God.' So I suppose we must buy cloaks and bonnets on the same +principle."</p> + +<p>I turned this over in my mind. Had I done this, when I was choosing my +chinchilla cap and grey cloak? A little ray of<!-- Page 253 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</a></span> infinite brightness +began to steal in upon their quiet colours and despised forms.</p> + +<p>"If the rich are to give their all, as well as the poor, it doesn't +say—mind you—that they are to give it all to the hungry, or all to +the destitute; but only, they are to give it all <i>to Christ</i>. Then, He +will tell them what to do with it; do ye understand, my dear?"</p> + +<p>Miss Cardigan's eye was watching me, not more kindly than keen. A wise +and clear grey eye it was.</p> + +<p>"But isn't it difficult to know sometimes what to do?" I said. "I have +been so puzzled to know about dresses. Mamma is away, and I had to +decide."</p> + +<p>"It's no very difficult," said Miss Cardigan,—"if once ye set your +face in the right <i>airth</i>—as we speak. My dear, there's a great many +sorts of dresses and bonnets and things; and I'd always buy just that +bonnet and that gown, in which I thought I could do most work for my +Master; and that wouldn't be the same sort of bonnet for you and for +me," she said with a merry smile. "Now ye'll have another cup of tea, +and ye'll tell me if my tea's good."</p> + +<p>It was wonderfully good to me. I felt like a plant dried up for want +of water, suddenly set in a spring shower. Refreshment was all around +me, without and within. The faces of the flowers looked at me through +the glass, and the sweet breath of them came from the open door. The +room where I was sitting pleased me mightily, in its comfortable and +pretty simplicity; and I had found a friend, even better than my old +Maria and Darry at Magnolia. It was not very long before I told all +about these to my new counsellor.</p> + +<p>For the friendship between us ripened and grew. I often<!-- Page 254 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</a></span> found a +chance to fill my place at the dear little tea-table. Sundays I could +always be there; and I went there straight from afternoon church, and +rested among Miss Cardigan's books and in her sweet society and in the +happy freedom and rest of her house, with an intensity of enjoyment +which words can but feebly tell. So in time I came to tell her all my +troubles and the perplexities which had filled me; I was willing to +talk to Miss Cardigan about things that I would have breathed to no +other ear upon earth. She was so removed from all the sphere of my +past or present life, so utterly disconnected from all the persons and +things with which I had had to do, it was like telling about them to a +being of another planet. Yet she was not so removed but that her +sympathies and her judgment could be living and full grown for my +help; all ready to take hold of the facts and to enter into the +circumstances, and to give me precious comfort and counsel. Miss +Cardigan and I came to be very dear to each other.</p> + +<p>All this took time. Nobody noticed at first, or seemed to notice, my +visits to the "house with the flowers," as the girls called it. I +believe, in my plain dress, I was not thought of importance enough to +be watched. I went and came very comfortably; and the weeks that +remained before the summer vacation slipped away in quiet order.</p> + +<p>Just before the vacation, my aunt came home from Europe. With her came +the end of my obscurity. She brought me, from my mother, a great +supply of all sorts of pretty French dresses hats, gloves, and +varieties—chosen by my mother—as pretty and elegant, and simple too, +as they could be; but once putting them on, I could never be unnoticed +by my schoolmates any more. I knew it, with a certain feeling that was +not displeasure.<!-- Page 255 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</a></span> Was it pride? Was it anything more than my pleasure +in all pretty things? I thought it was something more. And I +determined that I would not put on any of them till school was broken +up. If it <i>was</i> pride, I was ashamed of it. But besides French +dresses, my aunt brought me a better thing; a promise from my father.</p> + +<p>"He said I was to tell you, Daisy my dear,—and I hope you will be a +good child and take it as you ought—but dear me! how she is growing," +said Mrs. Gary, turning to Mme. Ricard; "I cannot talk about Daisy as +a 'child' much longer. She's tall."</p> + +<p>"Not too tall," said madame.</p> + +<p>"No, but she is going to be tall. She has a right; her mother is tall, +and her father. Daisy, my dear, I do believe you are going to look +like your mother. You'll be very handsome if you do. And yet, you look +different——"</p> + +<p>"Miss Randolph will not shame anybody belonging to her," said Mme. +Ricard, graciously.</p> + +<p>"Well, I suppose not," said my aunt. "I was going to tell you what +your father said, Daisy. He said—you know it takes a long while to +get to China and back, and if it does him good he will stay a little +while there; and then there's the return voyage, and there may be +delays; so altogether it was impossible to say exactly how long he and +your mother will be gone. I mean, it was impossible to know certainly +that they would be able to come home by next summer; indeed I doubt if +your father ever does come home."</p> + +<p>I waited in silence.</p> + +<p>"So altogether," my aunt went on, turning for a moment to Mme. Ricard, +"there was a doubt about it; and your father<!-- Page 256 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</a></span> said, he charged me to +tell Daisy, that if she will make herself contented—that is, +supposing they cannot come home next year, you know—if she will make +herself happy and be patient and bear one or two years more, and stay +at school and do the best she can, <i>then</i>, the year after next or the +next year he will send for you, your father says, <i>unless</i> they come +home themselves—they will send for you; and then, your father says, +he will give you any request you like to make of him. Ask anything you +can think of, that you would like best, and he will do it or get it, +whatever it is. He didn't say like King Herod, 'to the half of his +kingdom,' but I suppose he meant that. And meanwhile, you know you +have a guardian now, Daisy, and there is no use for me in your +affairs; and having conveyed to you your mother's gifts and your +father's promises, I suppose there is nothing further for me to do to +you."</p> + +<p>I was silent yet, thinking. Two years more would be a dear purchase of +any pleasure that might come after. Two years! And four were gone +already. It seemed impossible to wait or to bear it. I heard no more +of what my aunt was saying, till she turned to me again and asked, +"Where are you going to pass the vacation?"</p> + +<p>I did not know, for Mrs. Sandford was obliged to be with her sister +still, so that I could not go to Melbourne.</p> + +<p>"Well, if your new guardian thinks well of it—you can consult him if +it is necessary—and if he does not object, you can be with me if you +like. Preston has leave of absence this summer, I believe; and he will +be with us."</p> + +<p>It was in effect arranged so. My aunt took me about the country from +one watering place to another; from Saratoga to the White Mountains; +and Preston's being with us made it a<!-- Page 257 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 257]</a></span> gay time. Preston had been for +two years at West Point; he was grown and improved everybody said; but +to me he was just the same. If anything, <i>not</i> improved; the old grace +and graciousness of his manner was edged with an occasional hardness +or abruptness which did not use to belong to him, and which I did not +understand. There seemed to be a latent cause of irritation somewhere.</p> + +<p>However, my summer went off smoothly enough. September brought me back +to Mme. Ricard's, and in view of Miss Cardigan's late roses and +budding chrysanthemums. I was not sorry. I had set my heart on doing +as much as could be done in these next two years, if two they must be.</p> + +<p>I was the first in my room; but before the end of the day they all +came pouring in; the two older and the two younger girls. "Here's +somebody already," exclaimed Miss Macy as she saw me. "Why, Daisy +Randolph! is it possible that's you? Is it Daisy Randolph? What have +you done to yourself? How you <i>have</i> improved!"</p> + +<p>"She is very much improved," said Miss Bentley more soberly.</p> + +<p>"She has been learning the fashions," said Miss Lansing, her bright +eyes dancing as good-humouredly as ever. "Daisy, now when your hair +gets long you'll look quite nice. That frock is made very well."</p> + +<p>"She is changed," said Miss St. Clair, with a look I could not quite +make out.</p> + +<p>"No," I said; "I hope I am not changed."</p> + +<p>"Your dress is," said St. Clair.</p> + +<p>I thought of Dr. Sandford's "<i>L'habit, c'est l'homme</i>." "My mother had +this dress made," I said; "and I ordered the other one; that is all +the difference."<!-- Page 258 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 258]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You're on the right side of the difference, then," said Miss St. +Clair.</p> + +<p>"Has your mother come back, Daisy?" Miss Lansing asked.</p> + +<p>"Not yet. She sent me this from Paris."</p> + +<p>"It's very pretty!" she said, with, I saw, an increase of admiration; +but St. Clair gave me another strange look. "How much prettier Paris +things are than American!" Lansing went on. "I wish I could have all +my dresses from Paris. Why, Daisy, you've grown handsome."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense!" said Miss Macy; "she always was, only you didn't see it."</p> + +<p>"Style is more than a face," said Miss St. Clair cavalierly. Somehow I +felt that this little lady was not in a good mood awards me. I boded +mischief; for being nearly of an age, we were together in most of our +classes, studied the same things, and recited at the same times. There +was an opportunity for clashing.</p> + +<p>They soon ran off, all four, to see their friends and acquaintances +and learn the news of the school. I was left alone, making my +arrangement of clothes and things in my drawer and my corner of the +closet; and I found that some disturbance, in those few moments, had +quite disarranged the thoughts of my heart. They were peaceful enough +before. There was some confusion now. I could not at first tell what +was uppermost; only that St. Clair's words were those that most +returned to me. "She has changed." <i>Had</i> I changed? or was I going to +change? was I going to enter the lists of fashion with my young +companions, and try who would win the race? No doubt my mother could +dress me better than almost any of their mothers could<!-- Page 259 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 259]</a></span> dress them; +what then? would this be a triumph? or was this the sort of name and +notoriety that became and befitted a servant of Jesus? I could not +help my dresses being pretty; no, but I could help making much display +of them. I could wear my own school plaid when the weather grew +cooler; and one or two others of my wardrobe were all I need show. +"Style is more than a face." No doubt. What <i>then?</i> Did I want style +and a face too? Was I wishing to confound St. Clair? Was I escaping +already from that bond and a mark of a Christian—"The world knoweth +us not?" I was startled and afraid. I fell down on my knees by the +side of my bed, and tried to look at the matter as God looked at it. +And the Daisy I thought he would be pleased with, was one who ran no +race for worldly supremacy. I resolved she should not. The praise of +God, I thought, was far better than the praise of men.</p> + +<p>My mind was quite made up when I rose from my knees; but I looked +forward to a less quiet school term than the last had been. Something +told me that the rest of the girls would take me up now, for good and +for evil. My Paris dress set me in a new position, no longer beneath +their notice. I was an object of attention. Even that first evening I +felt the difference.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, when is your mother coming home?" "Oh, she is gone to China; +Daisy's mother is gone to China!"—"She'll bring you lots of queer +things, won't she?"—"What a sweet dress!"—"<i>That</i> didn't come from +China?"—"Daisy, who's head in mathematics, you or St. Clair? I hope +you will get before her!"</p> + +<p>"Why?" I ventured to ask.</p> + +<p>"Oh, you're the best of the two; everybody knows that. But St. Clair +is smart, isn't she?"<!-- Page 260 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 260]</a></span></p> + +<p>"She thinks she is," answered another speaker; "she believes she's at +the tip-top of creation; but she never had such a pretty dress on as +that in her days; and she knows it and she don't like it. It's real +fun to see St. Clair beat; she thinks she is so much better than other +girls, and she has such a way of twisting that upper lip of hers. Do +you know how St. Clair twists her upper lip? Look!—she's doing it +now."</p> + +<p>"She's handsome though, ain't she?" said Miss Macy. "She'll be +beautiful."</p> + +<p>"No," said Mlle. Géneviève; "not that. Never that. She will be +handsome; but beauty is a thing of the soul. <i>She</i> will not be +beautiful. Daisy, are you going to work hard this year?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, mademoiselle."</p> + +<p>"I believe you," she said, taking my face between her two hands and +kissing it.</p> + +<p>"Whoever saw Mlle. Géneviève do that before!" said Miss Macy, as the +other left us. "She is not apt to like the scholars."</p> + +<p>I knew she had always liked me. But everybody had always liked me, I +reflected; this time at school was the first of my knowing anything +different. And in this there now came a change. Since my wearing and +using the Paris things sent to me by my mother, which I dared not fail +to use and wear, I noticed that my company was more sought in the +school. Also my words were deferred to, in a way they had not been +before. I found, and it was not an unpleasant thing, that I had grown +to be a person of consequence. Even with the French and English +teachers; I observed that they treated me with more consideration. And +so I reflected within myself again over Dr. Sand<!-- Page 261 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 261]</a></span>ford's observation, +"<i>L'habit, c'est l'homme.</i>" Of course it was a consideration given to +my clothes, a consideration also to be given up if I did not wear such +clothes. I saw all that. The world <i>knew me</i>, just for the moment.</p> + +<p>Well, the smooth way was very pleasant. I had it with everybody for a +time.</p> + +<p>My little room-mate and classmate St. Clair was perhaps the only +exception to the general rule. I never felt that she liked me much. +She let me alone, however; until one unlucky day—I do not mean to +call it unlucky, either—when we had, as usual, compositions to write, +and the theme given out was "Ruins." It was a delightful theme to me. +I did not always enjoy writing compositions; this one gave me +permission to roam in thoughts and imaginations that I liked. I went +back to my old Egyptian studies at Magnolia, and wrote my composition +about "Karnak." The subject was full in my memory; I had gone over and +over and all through it; I had measured the enormous pillars and great +gateways, and studied the sculpture on the walls, and paced up and +down the great avenue of sphinxes. Sethos, and Amunoph and Rameses, +the second and third, were all known and familiar to me; and I knew +just where Shishak had recorded his triumphs over the land of Judea. I +wrote my composition with the greatest delight. The only danger was +that I might make it too long.</p> + +<p>One evening I was using the last of the light, writing in the window +recess of the school parlour, when I felt a hand laid on my shoulders.</p> + +<p>"You are so hard at work!" said the voice of Mlle. Géneviève.</p> + +<p>"Yes, mademoiselle, I like it."</p> + +<p>"Have you got all the books and all that you want?"<!-- Page 262 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 262]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Books, mademoiselle?"—I said wondering.</p> + +<p>"Yes; have you got all you want?"</p> + +<p>"I have not got any books," I said; "there are none that I want in the +school library."</p> + +<p>"Have you never been in madame's library?"</p> + +<p>"No, mademoiselle."</p> + +<p>"Come!"</p> + +<p>I jumped up and followed her, up and down stairs and through halls and +turnings, till she brought me into a pretty room lined with books from +floor to ceiling. Nobody was there. Mademoiselle lit the gas with +great energy, and then turned to me, her great black eyes shining.</p> + +<p>"Now what do you want, <i>mon enfant</i>? here is everything."</p> + +<p>"Is there anything about Egypt?"</p> + +<p>"Egypt! Are you in Egypt? See here—look, here is Denon—here is +Laborde; here are two or three more. Do you like that? Ah! I see by +the way your grey eyes grow big—Now sit down, and do what you like. +Nobody will disturb you. You can come here every evening for the hour +before tea."</p> + +<p>Mademoiselle scarce stayed for my thanks, and left me alone. I had not +seen either Laborde or Denon in my grandfather's library at Magnolia; +they were after his time. The engravings and illustrations also had +not been very many or very fine in his collection of travellers' +books. It was the greatest joy to me to see some of those things in +Mme. Ricard's library, that I had read and dreamed about so long in my +head. It was adding eyesight to hearsay. I found a good deal too that +I wanted to read, in these later authorities. Evening after evening I +was in madame's library, lost among the halls of the old Egyptian +conquerors.<!-- Page 263 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 263]</a></span></p> + +<p>The interest and delight of my work quite filled me, so that the fate +of my composition hardly came into my thoughts, or the fact that other +people were writing compositions too. And when it was done, I was +simply very sorry that it was done. I had not written it for honour or +for duty, but for love. I suppose that was the reason why it +succeeded. I remember I was anything but satisfied with it myself, as +I was reading it aloud for the benefit of my judges. For it was a day +of prize compositions; and before the whole school and even some +visitors, the writings of the girls were given aloud, each by its +author. I thought, as I read mine, how poor it was, and how +magnificent my subject demanded that it should be. Under the shade of +the great columns, before those fine old sphinxes, my words and myself +seemed very small. I sat down in my place again, glad that the reading +was over.</p> + +<p>But there was a little buzz; then a dead expectant silence; then Mme. +Ricard arose. My composition had been the last one. I looked up with +the rest, to hear the award that she would speak; and was at first +very much confounded to hear my own name called. "Miss Randolph—" It +did not occur to me what it was spoken for; I sat still a moment in a +maze. Mme. Ricard stood waiting; all the room was in a hush.</p> + +<p>"Don't you hear yourself called?" said a voice behind me. "Why don't +you go?"</p> + +<p>I looked round at Miss Macy, who was my adviser, then doubtfully I +looked away from her and caught the eyes of Mlle. Géneviève. She +nodded and beckoned me to come forward. I did it hastily then, and +found myself curtseying in front of the platform where stood madame.</p> + +<p>"The prize is yours, Miss Randolph," she said graciously. "Your paper +is approved by all the judges."<!-- Page 264 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 264]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Quite artistic,"—I heard a gentleman say at her elbow.</p> + +<p>"And it shows an amount of thorough study and perfect preparation, +which I can but hold up as a model to all my young ladies. You deserve +this, my dear."</p> + +<p>I was confounded; and a low curtsey was only a natural relief to my +feelings. But madame unhappily took it otherwise.</p> + +<p>"This is yours," she said, putting into my hands an elegant little +bronze standish;—"and if I had another prize to bestow for grace of +good manners, I am sure I would have the pleasure of giving you that +too."</p> + +<p>I bent again before madame, and got back to my seat as I could. The +great business of the day was over, and we soon scattered to our +rooms. And I had not been in mine five minutes before the penalties of +being distinguished began to come upon me.</p> + +<p>"Well, Daisy!" said Miss Lansing,—"you've got it. How pretty! isn't +it, Macy?"</p> + +<p>"It isn't a bit prettier than it ought to be, for a prize in such a +school," said Miss Macy. "It will do."</p> + +<p>"I've seen handsomer prizes," said Miss Bentley.</p> + +<p>"But you've got it, more ways than one, Daisy," Miss Lansing went on. +"I declare! Aren't you a distinguished young lady! Madame, too! why we +all used to think we behaved pretty well <i>before company</i>,—didn't we, +St. Clair?"</p> + +<p>"I hate favour and favouritism!" said that young lady, her upper lip +taking the peculiar turn to which my attention had once been called. +"Madame likes whatever is French."</p> + +<p>"But Randolph is not French, are you, Randolph?" said Blackeyes, who +was good-natured through everything.</p> + +<p>"Madame is not French herself," said Miss Bentley.<!-- Page 265 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 265]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I hate everything at school!" St. Clair went on.</p> + +<p>"It's too bad," said her friend. "Do you know, Daisy, St. Clair always +has the prize for compositions. What made you go and write that long +stuff about Rameses? the people didn't understand it, and so they +thought it was fine."</p> + +<p>"I am sure there was a great deal finer writing in Faustina's +composition," said Miss Bentley.</p> + +<p>I knew very well that Miss St. Clair had been accustomed to win this +half-yearly prize for good writing. I had expected nothing but that +she would win it this time. I had counted neither on my own success +nor on the displeasure it would raise. I took my hat and went over to +my dear Miss Cardigan; hoping that ill-humour would have worked itself +out by bed-time. But I was mistaken.</p> + +<p>St Clair and I had been pretty near each other in our classes, though +once or twice lately I had got an advantage over her; but we had kept +on terms of cool social distance until now. Now the spirit of rivalry +was awake. I think it began to stir at my Paris dresses and things; +Karnak and Mme. Ricard finished the mischief.</p> + +<p>On my first coming to school I had been tempted in my horror at the +utter want of privacy to go to bed without prayer; waiting till the +rest were all laid down and asleep and the lights out, and then +slipping out of bed with great care not to make a noise, and watching +that no whisper of my lips should be loud enough to disturb anybody's +slumbers. But I was sure after a while, that this was a cowardly way +of doing; and I could not bear the words, "Whosoever shall be ashamed +of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when He +cometh in the glory of His Father." I determined in the vaca<!-- Page 266 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 266]</a></span>tion that +I would do so no more, cost what it might the contrary. It cost a +tremendous struggle. I think, in all my life I have done few harder +things, than it was to me then to kneel down by the side of my bed in +full blaze of the gaslights and with four curious pairs of eyes around +to look on; to say nothing of the four busy tongues wagging about +nothing all the time. I remember what a hush fell upon them the first +night; while beyond the posture of prayer I could do little. Only +unformed or half formed thoughts and petitions struggled in my mind, +through a crowd of jostling regrets and wishes and confusions, in +which I could hardly distinguish anything. But no explosion followed, +of either ridicule or amusement, and I had been suffered from that +night to do as I would, not certainly always in silence, but quite +unmolested.</p> + +<p>I had carried over my standish to Miss Cardigan to ask her to take +care of it for me; I had no place to keep it. But Miss Cardigan was +not satisfied to see the prize; she wanted to hear the essay read; and +was altogether so elated that a little undue elation perhaps crept +into my own heart. It was not a good preparation for what was coming.</p> + +<p>I went home in good time. In the hall, however, Mlle. Géneviève seized +upon me; she had several things to say, and before I got up stairs to +my room all the rest of its inmates were in bed. I hoped they were +asleep. I heard no sound while I was undressing, nor while I knelt, as +usual now, by my bedside. But as I rose from my knees I was startled +by a sort of grunt that came from St. Clair's corner.</p> + +<p>"Humph!—Dear me! we're so good,—Grace and Devotion,—Christian +grace, too!"</p> + +<p>"Hold your tongue, St. Clair," said Miss Macy, but not in a way, I +thought, to check her; if she could have been checked.<!-- Page 267 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 267]</a></span></p> + +<p>"But it's too bad, Macy," said the girl. "We're all so rough, you +know. <i>We</i> don't know how to behave ourselves; we can't make curtseys; +our mothers never taught us anything,—and dancing masters are no +good. We ought to go to Egypt. There isn't anything so truly dignified +as a pyramid. There is a great deal of <i>à plomb</i> there!"</p> + +<p>"Who talked about <i>à plomb</i>?" said Miss Bentley.</p> + +<p>"You have enough of that, at any rate, Faustina," said Lansing.</p> + +<p>"Mrs. St. Clair's child ought to have that," said Miss Macy.</p> + +<p>"Ah, but it isn't Christian grace, after all," persisted Faustina. +"You want a cross at the top of a pyramid to make it perfect."</p> + +<p>"Hush, Faustina!" said Miss Macy.</p> + +<p>"It's fair,"—said Miss Bentley.</p> + +<p>"You had better not talk about Christian grace, girls. That isn't a +matter of opinion."</p> + +<p>"Oh, isn't it!" cried St. Clair, half rising up in her bed. "What is +it, then?"</p> + +<p>Nobody answered.</p> + +<p>"I say!—Macy, what <i>is</i> Christian grace—if you know! If you <i>don't</i> +know, I'll put you in the way to find out."</p> + +<p>"How shall I find out?"</p> + +<p>"Will you do it, if I show it you?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"Ask Randolph. That's the first step. Ask her,—yes! just ask her, if +you want to know. I wish Mme. Ricard was here to hear the answer."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense!" said Macy.</p> + +<p>"Ask her! You said you would. Now ask her."</p> + +<p>"What is Christian grace, Daisy?" said Miss Bentley.<!-- Page 268 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 268]</a></span></p> + +<p>I heard, but I would not answer. I hoped the storm would blow over, +after a puff or two. But Blackeyes, without any ill-nature, I think, +which was not in her, had got into the gale. She slipped out of bed +and came to my side, putting her hand on my shoulder and bringing her +laughing mouth down near my ear. A very angry impulse moved me before +she spoke.</p> + +<p>"Daisy!"—she said, laughing, in a loud whisper,—"come, wake up! +you're not asleep, you know. Wake up and tell us;—everybody knows +<i>you</i> know;—what <i>is</i> Christian grace? Daisy!—"</p> + +<p>She shook me a little.</p> + +<p>"If you knew, you would not ask me,"—I said in great displeasure. But +a delighted shout from all my room-mates answered this unlucky speech, +which I had been too excited to make logical.</p> + +<p>"Capital!" cried St. Clair. "That's just it—we <i>don't</i> know; and we +only want to find out whether she does. Make her tell, Lansing—prick +a little pin into her—that will bring it out."</p> + +<p>I was struggling between anger and sorrow, feeling very hurt, and at +the same time determined not to cry. I kept absolutely still, fighting +the fight of silence with myself. Then Lansing, in a fit of +thoughtless mischief, finding her shakes and questions vain, actually +put in practice St. Clair's suggestion, and attacked me with a pin +from the dressing table. The first prick of it overthrew the last +remnant of my patience.</p> + +<p>"Miss Lansing!"—I exclaimed, rousing up in bed and confronting her. +They all shouted again.</p> + +<p>"Now we'll have it!" cried St. Clair. "Keep cool, Blackeyes; let's +hear—we'll have an exposition now. Theme, Christian grace."<!-- Page 269 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 269]</a></span></p> + +<p>Ah, there rushed through my heart with her words a remembrance of +other words—a fluttering vision of something "gentle and easy to be +entreated"—"first pure, then peaceable"—"gentleness, goodness, +meekness."—But the grip of passion held them all down or kept them +all back. After St. Clair's first burst, the girls were still and +waited for what I would say. I was facing Miss Lansing, who had taken +her hand from my shoulder.</p> + +<p>"Are you not ashamed of yourself?" I said; and I remember I thought +how my mother would have spoken to them. "Miss Lansing's good +nature"—I went on slowly,—"Miss Macy's kindness—Miss Bentley's +independence—and Miss St. Clair's good breeding!"—</p> + +<p>"<i>And</i> Miss Randolph's religion!" echoed the last-named, with a quiet +distinctness which went into my heart.</p> + +<p>"What about my independence?" said Miss Bentley.</p> + +<p>"Now we've got enough, girls,—lie down and go to sleep," said Miss +Macy. "There's quite enough of this. There was too much before we +began. Stop where you are."</p> + +<p>They did not stop, however, without a good deal of noisy chaffing and +arguing, none of which I heard. Only the words, "Miss Randolph's +religion," rung in my ears. I lay down with them lying like lead on my +heart. I went to sleep under them. I woke up early, while all the rest +were asleep, and began to study them.</p> + +<p>"Miss Randolph's religion!" If it had been only that, only mine. But +the religion I professed was the religion of Christ; the name I was +called by was <i>His</i> name, the thing I had brought into discredit was +His truth. I hope in all my life I may never know again the +heart-pangs that this thought cost me. I studied<!-- Page 270 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 270]</a></span> how to undo the +mischief I had done. I could find no way. I had seemed to prove my +religion an unsteady, superficial thing; the evidence I had given I +could not withdraw; it must stand. I lay thinking, with the heartache, +until the rousing bell rang, and the sleepers began to stir from their +slumbers. I got up and began to dress with the rest.</p> + +<p>"What was it all that happened last night?" said Miss Lansing.</p> + +<p>"Advancement in knowledge,"—said Miss St. Clair.</p> + +<p>"Now, girls—don't begin again," said Miss Macy.</p> + +<p>"Knowledge is a good thing," said the other, with pins in her mouth. +"I intend to take every opportunity that offers of increasing mine; +especially I mean to study Egyptians and Christians. I haven't any +Christians among my own family or acquaintance—so you see, naturally, +Macy, I am curious; and when a good specimen offers—"</p> + +<p>"I am not a good specimen," I said.</p> + +<p>"People are not good judges of themselves, it is said," the girl went +on. "Everybody considers Miss Randolph a sample of what that article +ought to be."</p> + +<p>"You don't use the word right," remarked Miss Macy. "A <i>sample</i> is +taken from what is,—not from what ought to be."</p> + +<p>"I don't care," was St. Clair's reply.</p> + +<p>"I did not behave like a Christian last night," I forced myself to +say. "I was impatient."</p> + +<p>"Like an impatient Christian then, I suppose," said St Clair.</p> + +<p>I felt myself getting impatient again, with all my sorrow and +humiliation of heart. And yet more humbled at the consciousness, I +hastened to get out of the room. It was a miserable day, that day of +my first school triumphs, and so were several more<!-- Page 271 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[Pg 271]</a></span> that followed. I +was very busy; I had no time for recollection and prayer; I was in the +midst of gratulations and plaudits from my companions and the +teachers; and I missed, O how I missed the praise of God. I felt like +a traitor. In the heat of the fight I had let my colours come to the +ground. I had dishonoured my Captain. Some would say it was a little +thing; but I felt then and I know now, there are no little things; I +knew I had done harm; how much it was utterly beyond my reach to know.</p> + +<p>As soon as I could I seized an opportunity to get to Miss Cardigan. I +found her among her flowers, nipping off here a leaf and there a +flower that had passed its time; so busy, that for a few moments she +did not see that I was different from usual. Then came the question +which I had been looking for.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, you are not right to-day?"</p> + +<p>"I haven't been right since I got that standish," I burst forth.</p> + +<p>Miss Cardigan looked at me again, and then did what I had not +expected; she took my head between her two hands and kissed me. Not +loosing her hold, she looked into my face.</p> + +<p>"What is it, my pet?"</p> + +<p>"Miss Cardigan," I said, "can any one be a Christian and yet—yet—"</p> + +<p>"Do something unworthy a Christian?" she said. "I wot well they can! +But then, they are weak Christians."</p> + +<p>I knew that before. But somehow, hearing her say it brought the shame +and the sorrow more fresh to the surface. The tears came. Miss +Cardigan pulled me into the next room and sat down, drawing me into +her arms; and I wept there with her arms about me.</p> + +<p>"What then, Daisy?" she asked at length, as if the suspense pained +her.<!-- Page 272 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[Pg 272]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I acted so, Miss Cardigan," I said; and I told her all about it.</p> + +<p>"So the devil has found a weak spot in your armour," she said. "You +must guard it well, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"How can I?"</p> + +<p>"How can you? Keep your shield before it, my bairn. What is your +shield for? The Lord has given you a great strong shield, big enough +to cover you from head to foot, if your hands know how to manage it."</p> + +<p>"What is that, Miss Cardigan?"</p> + +<p>"The shield of <i>faith</i>, dear. Only believe. According to your faith be +it unto you."</p> + +<p>"Believe what?" I asked, lifting my head at last.</p> + +<p>"Believe that if you are a weak little soldier, your Captain knows all +about it; and any fight that you go into for His sake, He will bear +you through. I don't care what. Any fight, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"But I got impatient," I said, "at the girls' way of talking."</p> + +<p>"And perhaps you were a wee bit set up in your heart because you got +the prize of the day."</p> + +<p>"<i>Proud!</i>" said I.</p> + +<p>"Don't it look like it? Even proud of being a Christian, mayhap."</p> + +<p>"Could I!" I said. "Was I?"</p> + +<p>"It wouldn't be the first time one with as little cause had got puffed +up a bit. But heavenly charity 'is not puffed up.'"</p> + +<p>"I know that," I said and my tears started afresh.</p> + +<p>"How shall I help it in future?" I asked after a while, during which +my friend had been silent.</p> + +<p>"Help it?" she said cheerfully. "You can't help it—but Jesus can."<!-- Page 273 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[Pg 273]</a></span></p> + +<p>"But my impatience, and—my pride," I said, very downcast.</p> + +<p>"'Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy; when I fall I shall arise.' +But there is no need you should fall, Daisy. Remember 'the Lord is +able to make him stand'—may be said of every one of the Lord's +people."</p> + +<p>"But will He keep me from impatience, and take pride out of my heart? +Why, I did not know it was there, Miss Cardigan."</p> + +<p>"Did He say 'Whatsoever you shall ask in my name, I will do it?' And +when He has written 'Whatsoever,' are you going to write it over and +put 'anything not too hard'? Neither you nor me, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"<i>Whatsoever</i>, Miss Cardigan," I said slowly.</p> + +<p>"He said so. Are you going to write it over again?"</p> + +<p>"No," I said. "But then, may one have <i>anything</i> one asks for."</p> + +<p>"Anything in the world—if it is not contrary to His will—provided we +ask in faith, nothing doubting. 'For he that wavereth is like a wave +of the sea, driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man +think that he shall receive anything of the Lord.'"</p> + +<p>"But how can we <i>know</i> what is according to His will?"</p> + +<p>"<i>This</i> is, at any rate," said Miss Cardigan; "for He has commanded us +to be holy as He is holy."</p> + +<p>"But—other things?" I said. "How can one ask for everything 'in +faith, nothing wavering?' How can one be sure?"</p> + +<p>"Only just this one way, Daisy, my dear," Miss Cardigan answered; and +I remember to this day the accent of her native land which touched +every word. "If ye're wholly the Lord's—wholly, mind,—ye'll not like +aught but what the Lord likes; ye'll know what to ask for, and ye'll +know the Lord will give it<!-- Page 274 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[Pg 274]</a></span> to you:—that is, if ye want it <i>enough</i>. +But a 'double-minded man is unstable in all his ways;' and his prayers +can't hit the mark, no more than a gun that's twisted when it's going +off."</p> + +<p>"Then,"—I began and stopped, looking at her with my eyes full of +tears.</p> + +<p>"Ay," she said,—"just so. There's no need that you nor me should be +under the power of the evil one, for we're <i>free</i>. The Lord's words +arn't too good to be true: every one of 'em is as high as heaven; and +there isn't a sin nor an enemy but you and I may be safe from, if we +trust the Lord."</p> + +<p>I do not remember any more of the conversation. I only know that the +sun rose on my difficulties, and the shadows melted away. I had a +happy evening with my dear old friend, and went home quite +heart-whole.<!-- Page 275 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[Pg 275]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIII" id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.</h2> + +<h3>GREY COATS.</h3> + +<p class="cap">I WENT back to school comforted. I had got strength to face all that +might be coming in the future. And life has been a different thing to +me ever since. Paul's words, "I can do all things through Christ,"—I +have learned are not his words any more than mine.</p> + +<p>From that time I grew more and more popular in the school. I cannot +tell why; but popularity is a thing that grows upon its own growth. It +was only a little while before my companions almost all made a pet of +me. It is humbling to know that this effect was hastened by some of +the French dresses my mother had sent me, and which convenience +obliged me to wear. They were extremely pretty; the girls came round +me to know where I got them, and talked about who I was; and "Daisy +Randolph," was the name most favoured by their lips from that time +until school closed. With the exception, I must add, of my four +room-mates. Miss St. Clair held herself entirely aloof from me, and +the others chose her party rather than mine. St. Clair<!-- Page 276 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[Pg 276]</a></span> never lost, I +think, any good chance or omitted any fair scheme to provoke me; but +all she could do had lost its power. I tried to soften her; but +Faustina was a rock to my advances. I knew I had done irreparable +wrong that evening; the thought of it was almost the only trouble I +had during those months.</p> + +<p>An old trouble was brought suddenly home to me one day. I was told a +person wanted to speak to me in the lower hall. I ran down, and found +Margaret. She was in the cloak and dress I had bought for her; looking +at first very gleeful, and then very business-like, as she brought out +from under her cloak a bit of paper folded with something in it.</p> + +<p>"What is this?" I said, finding a roll of bills.</p> + +<p>"It's my wages, Miss Daisy. I only kept out two dollars, ma'am—I +wanted a pair of shoes so bad—and I couldn't be let go about the +house in them old shoes with holes in 'em; there was holes in both of +'em, Miss Daisy."</p> + +<p>"But your wages, Margaret?" I said—"I have nothing to do with your +wages."</p> + +<p>"Yes, Miss Daisy—they belongs to master, and I allowed to bring 'em +to you. They's all there so fur. It's all right."</p> + +<p>I felt the hot shame mounting to my face. I put the money back in +Margaret's hand, and hurriedly told her to keep it; we were not at +Magnolia; she might do what she liked with the money; it was her own +earnings.</p> + +<p>I shall never forget the girl's confounded look, and then her grin of +brilliant pleasure. I could have burst into tears as I went up the +stairs, thinking of others at home. Yet the question came too, would +my father like what I had been doing? He held the girl to be his +property and her earnings his earnings. Had I been giving Margaret a +lesson in rebellion, and preparing her<!-- Page 277 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[Pg 277]</a></span> to claim her rights at some +future day? Perhaps. And I made up my mind that I did not care. Live +upon stolen money I would not, any more than I could help. But was I +not living on it all the while? The old subject brought back! I +worried over it all the rest of the day, with many a look forward and +back.</p> + +<p>As the time of the vacation drew near, I looked hard for news of my +father and mother, or tidings of their coming home. There were none. +Indeed, I got no letters at all. There was nothing to cause +uneasiness; the intervals were often long between one packet of +letters and the next; but I wanted to hear of some change now that the +school year was ended. It had been a good year to me. In that little +world I had met and faced some of the hardest temptations of the great +world; they could never be new to me again; and I had learned both my +weakness and my strength.</p> + +<p>No summons to happiness reached me that year. My vacation was spent +again with my Aunt Gary, and without Preston. September saw me quietly +settled at my studies for another school year; to be gone through with +what patience I might.</p> + +<p>That school year had nothing to chronicle. I was very busy, very +popular, kindly treated by my teachers, and happy in a smooth course +of life. Faustina St. Clair had been removed from the school; to some +other I believe; and with her went all my causes of annoyance. The +year rolled round, my father and mother in China or on the high seas; +and my sixteenth summer opened upon me.</p> + +<p>A day or two before the close of school, I was called to the parlour +to see a lady. Not my aunt; it was Mrs. Sandford; and the doctor was +with her.<!-- Page 278 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[Pg 278]</a></span></p> + +<p>I had not seen Mrs. Sandford, I must explain, for nearly a year; she +had been away in another part of the country, far from New York.</p> + +<p>"Why, Daisy!—is this Daisy?" she exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Is it not?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Not the old Daisy. You are so grown, my dear!—so—That's right, +Grant; let us have a little light to see each other by."</p> + +<p>"It is Miss Randolph—" said the doctor, after he had drawn up the +window shade.</p> + +<p>"Like her mother! isn't she? and yet, not like—"</p> + +<p>"Not at all like."</p> + +<p>"She is, though, Grant; you are mistaken; she <i>is</i> like her mother; +though as I said, she isn't. I never saw anybody so improved. My dear, +I shall tell all my friends to send their daughters to Mme. Ricard."</p> + +<p>"Dr. Sandford," said I, "Mme. Ricard does not like to have the sun +shine into this room."</p> + +<p>"It's Daisy, too," said the doctor, smiling, as he drew down the shade +again. "Don't <i>you</i> like it, Miss Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, of course," I said; "but she does not."</p> + +<p>"It is not at all a matter of course," said he; "except as you are +Daisy. Some people, as you have just told me, are afraid of the sun."</p> + +<p>"Oh, that is only for the carpets," I said.</p> + +<p>Dr. Sandford gave me a good look, like one of his looks of old times, +that carried me right back somehow to Juanita's cottage.</p> + +<p>"How do you do, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"A little pale," said Mrs. Sandford.</p> + +<p>"Let her speak for herself."<!-- Page 279 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[Pg 279]</a></span></p> + +<p>I said I did not know I was pale.</p> + +<p>"Did you know you had head-ache a good deal of the time?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, Dr. Sandford, I knew that. It is not very bad."</p> + +<p>"Does not hinder you from going on with study?"</p> + +<p>"Oh no, never."</p> + +<p>"You have a good deal of time for study at night, too, do you +not?—after the lights are out."</p> + +<p>"At night? how did you know that? But it is not always <i>study</i>."</p> + +<p>"No. You consume also a good deal of beef and mutton, nowadays? You +prefer substantials in food as in everything else?"</p> + +<p>I looked at my guardian, very much surprised that he should see all +this in my face, and with a little of my childish fascination about +those steady blue eyes. I could not deny that in these days I scarcely +lived by eating. But in the eagerness and pleasure of my pursuits I +had not missed it, and amid my many busy and anxious thoughts I had +not cared about it.</p> + +<p>"That will do," said the doctor. "Daisy, have you heard lately from +your father or mother?"</p> + +<p>My breath came short as I said no.</p> + +<p>"Nor have I. Failing orders from them, you are bound to respect mine; +and I order you change of air, and to go wherever Mrs. Sandford +proposes to take you."</p> + +<p>"Not before school closes, Dr. Sandford?"</p> + +<p>"Do you care about that?"</p> + +<p>"My dear child," said Mrs. Sandford, "we are going to West Point—and +we want to take you with us. I know you will enjoy it, my dear; and I +shall be delighted to have you. But we want to go next week."<!-- Page 280 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[Pg 280]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Do you care, Daisy?" Dr. Sandford repeated.</p> + +<p>I had to consider. One week more, and the examination would be over +and the school term ended. I was ready for the examination; I expected +to keep my standing, which was very high; by going away now I should +lose that, and miss some distinction. So at least I thought. I found +that several things were at work in my heart that I had not known were +there. After a minute I told Mrs. Sandford I would go with her when +she pleased.</p> + +<p>"You have made up your mind that you do not care about staying to the +end here?" said the doctor.</p> + +<p>"Dr. Sandford," I said, "I believe I <i>do</i> care; but not about anything +worth while."</p> + +<p>He took both my hands, standing before me, and looked at me, I +thought, as if I were the old little child again.</p> + +<p>"A course of fresh air," he said, "will do you more good than a course +of any other thing just now. And we may find 'wonderful things' at +West Point, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"I expect you will enjoy it, Daisy," Mrs. Sandford repeated.</p> + +<p>There was no fear. I knew I should see Preston, at any rate; and I had +been among brick walls for many months. I winced a little at the +thought of missing all I had counted upon at the close of term; but it +was mainly pride that winced, so it was no matter.</p> + +<p>We left the city three or four days later. It was a June day—can I +ever forget it? What a brilliance of remembrance comes over me now? +The bustle of the close schoolrooms, the heat and dust of the sunny +city streets, were all left behind in an hour; and New York was +nowhere! The waves of the river sparkled under a summer breeze; the +wall of the palisades stretched along, like the barriers of fairyland; +so they seemed to me;<!-- Page 281 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[Pg 281]</a></span> only the barrier was open and I was about to +enter. So till their grey and green ramparts were passed, and the +broader reaches of the river beyond, and as evening began to draw in +we came to higher shores and a narrower channel, and were threading +our way among the lights and shadows of opposing headlands and +hilltops. It grew but more fresh and fair as the sun got lower. Then, +in a place where the river seemed to come to an end, the "Pipe of +Peace" drew close in under the western shore, to a landing. Buildings +of grey stone clustered and looked over the bank. Close under the +bank's green fringes a little boat-house and large clean wooden pier +received us; from the landing a road went steeply sloping up. I see it +all now in the colours which clothed it then. I think I entered +fairyland when I touched foot to shore. Even down at the landing, +everything was clean and fresh and in order. The green branches of +that thick fringe which reached to the top of the bank had no dust on +them; the rocks were parti-coloured with lichens; the river was +bright, flowing and rippling past; the "Pipe of Peace" had pushed off +and sped on, and in another minute or two was turning the point, and +then—out of sight. Stillness seemed to fill the woods and the air as +the beat of her paddles was lost. I breathed stillness. New York was +fifty miles away, physically and morally at the antipodes.</p> + +<p>I find it hard to write without epithets. As I said I was in +fairyland; and how shall one describe fairyland?</p> + +<p>Dr. Sandford broke upon my reverie by putting me into the omnibus. But +the omnibus quite belonged to fairyland too; it did not go rattling +and jolting, but stole quietly up the long hill; letting me enjoy a +view of the river and the hills of the opposite shore, coloured as +they were by the setting sun, and crisp and<!-- Page 282 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[Pg 282]</a></span> sharp in the cool June +air. Then a great round-topped building came in place of my view; the +road took a turn behind it.</p> + +<p>"What is that?" I asked the doctor.</p> + +<p>"I am sorry, Daisy, I don't know. I am quite as ignorant as yourself."</p> + +<p>"That's the riding-hall," I heard somebody say.</p> + +<p>One omnibus full had gone up before us; and there were only two or +three people in ours besides our own party. I looked round, and saw +that the information had been given by a young man in a sort of +uniform; he was all in grey, with large round gilt buttons on his +coat, and a soldier's cap. The words had been spoken in a civil tone, +that tempted me on.</p> + +<p>"Thank you!" I said. "The riding-hall!—who rides in it?"</p> + +<p>"We do," he said, and then smiled,—"The cadets."</p> + +<p>It was a frank smile and a pleasant face and utterly the look of a +gentleman. So, though I saw that he was very much amused, either at +himself or me, I went on—</p> + +<p>"And those other buildings?"</p> + +<p>"Those are the stables."</p> + +<p>I wondered at the neat beautiful order of the place. Then, the omnibus +slowly mounting the hill, the riding-hall and stables were lost to +sight. Another building, of more pretension, appeared on our left +hand, on the brow of the ascent; our road turned the corner round this +building, and beneath a grove of young trees the gothic buttresses and +windows of grey stone peeped out. Carefully dressed green turf, with +gravelled walks leading from different directions to the doors, looked +as if this was a place of business. Somebody pulled the string here +and the omnibus stopped.</p> + +<p>"This is the library," my neighbour in grey remarked; and<!-- Page 283 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[Pg 283]</a></span> with that +rising and lifting his cap, he jumped out. I watched him rapidly +walking into the library; he was tall, very erect, with a fine free +carriage and firm step. But then the omnibus was moving on and I +turned to the other side. And the beauty took away my breath. There +was the green plain girded with trees and houses, beset with hills, +the tops of which I could see in the distance, with the evening light +upon them. The omnibus went straight over the plain; green and smooth +and fresh, it lay on the one side and on the other side of us, +excepting one broad strip on the right. I wondered what had taken off +the grass there; but then we passed within a hedge enclosure and drew +up at the hotel steps.</p> + +<p>"Have you met an acquaintance already, Daisy?" Dr. Sandford asked as +he handed me out.</p> + +<p>"An acquaintance?" said I. "No, but I shall find him soon, I suppose." +For I was thinking of Preston. But I forgot Preston the next minute. +Mrs. Sandford had seized my hand and drew me up the piazza steps and +through the hall, out to the piazza at the north side of the house. I +was in fairyland surely! I had thought so before, but I knew it now. +Those grand hills, in the evening colours, standing over against each +other on the east and on the west, and the full magnificent river +lying between them, bright and stately, were like nothing I had ever +seen or imagined. My memory goes back now to point after point of +delight which bewildered me. There was a dainty little sail sweeping +across just at the bend of the river; I have seen many since; I never +forget that one. There was a shoulder of one of the eastern hills, +thrown out towards the south-west, over which the evening light fell +in a mantle of soft gold, with a fold of shadow on the other side. The +tops of those eastern hills<!-- Page 284 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[Pg 284]</a></span> were warm with sunlight, and here and +there a slope of the western hills. There was a point of the lower +ground, thrust out into the river, between me and the eastern shore, +which lay wholly in shadow, one shadow, one soft mass of dusky green, +rounding out into a promontory. Above it, beyond it, at the foot of +the hills, a white church spire rose as sharp as a needle. It is all +before me, even the summer stillness in which my senses were wrapt. +There was a clatter in the house behind me, but I did not hear it +then.</p> + +<p>I was obliged to go away to get ready for tea. The house was full; +only one room could be spared for Mrs. Sandford and me. That one had +been engaged beforehand, and its window looked over the same view I +had seen from the piazza. I took my post at this window while waiting +for Mrs. Sandford. Cooler and crisper the lights, cooler and grayer +the shadows had grown; the shoulder of the east mountain had lost its +mantle of light; just a gleam rested on a peak higher up; and my +single white sail was getting small in the distance, beating up the +river. I was very happy. My school year, practically, was finished, +and I was vaguely expecting some order or turn of affairs which would +join me to my father and mother. I remember well what a flood of +satisfied joy poured into my heart as I stood at the window. I seemed +to my self so very rich, to taste all that delight of hills and river; +the richness of God's giving struck me with a sort of wonder. And then +being so enriched and tasting the deep treasures of heaven and earth +which I had been made to know, happy so exceedingly—it came to my +heart with a kind of pang, the longing to make others know what I +knew; and the secret determination to use all my strength as Christ's +servant—in bringing others to the joy of the knowledge of Him.<!-- Page 285 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[Pg 285]</a></span></p> + +<p>I was called from my window then, and my view was exchanged for the +crowded dining-room, where I could eat nothing. But after tea we got +out upon the piazza again, and a soft north-west breeze seemed to be +food and refreshment too. Mrs. Sandford soon found a colonel and a +general to talk to; but Dr. Sandford sat down by me.</p> + +<p>"How do you like it, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>I told him, and thanked him for bringing me.</p> + +<p>"Are you tired?"</p> + +<p>"No—I don't think I am tired."</p> + +<p>"You are not hungry, of course, for you can eat nothing. Do you think +you shall sleep?"</p> + +<p>"I don't feel like it now. I do not generally get sleepy till a great +while after this."</p> + +<p>"You will go to sleep somewhere about nine o'clock," said the doctor; +"and not wake up till you are called in the morning."</p> + +<p>I thought he was mistaken, but as I could not prove it I said nothing.</p> + +<p>"Are you glad to get away from school?"</p> + +<p>"On some accounts. I like school too, Dr. Sandford; but there are some +things I do not like."</p> + +<p>"That remark might be made, Daisy, about every condition of life with +which I am acquainted."</p> + +<p>"I could not make it just now," I said. He smiled.</p> + +<p>"Have you secured a large circle of friends among your +schoolmates,—that are to last for ever?"</p> + +<p>"I do not think they love me well enough for that," I said, wondering +somewhat at my guardian's questioning mood.</p> + +<p>"Nor you them?"</p> + +<p>"I suppose not."<!-- Page 286 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[Pg 286]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Why, Daisy," said Mrs. Sandford, "I am surprised! I thought you used +to love everybody."</p> + +<p>I tried to think how that might be, and whether I had changed. Dr. +Sandford interrupted my thoughts again—</p> + +<p>"How is it with friends out of school?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I have none," I said; thinking only of girls like myself.</p> + +<p>"None?" he said. "Do you really know nobody in New York?"</p> + +<p>"Nobody,—but one old lady."</p> + +<p>"Who is that, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>He asked short and coolly, like one who had a right to know; and then +I remembered he had the right. I gave him Miss Cardigan's name and +number.</p> + +<p>"Who is she? and who lives with her?"</p> + +<p>"Nobody lives with her; she has only her servants."</p> + +<p>"What do you know about her then, besides what she has told you? +Excuse me, and please have the grace to satisfy me."</p> + +<p>"I know I must," I said half laughing.</p> + +<p>"<i>Must?</i>"</p> + +<p>"You know I must too, Dr. Sandford."</p> + +<p>"I don't know it, indeed," said he. "I know I must ask; but I do not +know what power can force you to answer."</p> + +<p>"Isn't it my duty, Dr. Sandford?"</p> + +<p>"Nobody but Daisy Randolph would have asked that question," he said. +"Well, if duty is on my side, I know I am powerful. But, Daisy, you +always used to answer me, in times when there was no duty in the +case."</p> + +<p>"I remember," I said, smiling to think of it; "but I was a child then, +Dr. Sandford."</p> + +<p>"Oh!—Well, apropos of duty, you may go on about Miss Cardigan."<!-- Page 287 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[Pg 287]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I do not know a great deal to tell. Only that she is very good, very +kind to me and everybody; very rich, I believe; and very wise, I +think. I know nothing more—except the way her money was made."</p> + +<p>"How was it?"</p> + +<p>"I have heard that her mother was a marketwoman," I said very +unwillingly; for I knew the conclusions that would be drawn.</p> + +<p>"Is it likely," Dr. Sandford said slowly, "that the daughter of a +marketwoman should be a good friend in every respect for the daughter +of Mrs. Randolph?"</p> + +<p>"It may not be <i>likely</i>," I answered with equal slowness;—"but it is +true."</p> + +<p>"Can you prove your position, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"What is your objection to her, Dr. Sandford?"</p> + +<p>"Simply what you have told me. The different classes of society are +better apart."</p> + +<p>I was silent. If Miss Cardigan was not of my class, I knew I wanted to +be of hers. There were certain words running in my head about "a royal +priesthood, a peculiar people," and certain other words too—which I +thought it was no use to tell Dr. Sandford.</p> + +<p>"She has no family, you say, nor friends who live with her, or whom +you meet at her house?"</p> + +<p>"None at all. I think she is quite alone."</p> + +<p>There was silence again. That is, between the doctor and me. Mrs. +Sandford and her officers kept up a great run of talk hard by.</p> + +<p>"Now, Daisy," said the doctor, "you have studied the matter, and I do +not doubt you have formed a philosophy of your own by this time. Pray +make me the wiser."<!-- Page 288 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[Pg 288]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I have no philosophy of my own, Dr. Sandford."</p> + +<p>"Your own thus far, that nobody shares it with you."</p> + +<p>"Is that your notion of me?" I said, laughing.</p> + +<p>"A very good notion. Nothing is worse than commonplace people. Indulge +me, Daisy."</p> + +<p>So I thought I had better.</p> + +<p>"Dr. Sandford—if you will indulge me. What is <i>your</i> notion of +dignity?"</p> + +<p>He passed his hand over his hair, with a comical face. It was a very +fine face, as I knew long ago; even a noble face. A steady, clear, +blue eye like his, gives one a sure impression of power in the +character, and of sweetness, too. I was glad he had asked me the +question, but I waited for him to answer mine first.</p> + +<p>"My notion of dignity!" he exclaimed. "I don't believe I have any, +Daisy."</p> + +<p>"No, but we are talking seriously."</p> + +<p>"Very. We always are when you are one of the talkers."</p> + +<p>"Then please explain your notion of dignity."</p> + +<p>"I know it when I see it," said the doctor; "but faith! I don't know +what makes it."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but you think some people, or some classes, are set up above +others."</p> + +<p>"So do you."</p> + +<p>"What do you think makes the highest class, then?"</p> + +<p>"You are going too deep, or too high, which is the same thing. All I +mean is, that certain feet which fate has planted on lofty levels, +ought not to come down from them."</p> + +<p>"But it is good to know where we stand."</p> + +<p>"Very," said Dr. Sandford, laughing. That is, in his way of laughing. +It was never loud.<!-- Page 289 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[Pg 289]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I will tell you where I want to stand," I went on. "It is the highest +level of all. The Lord Jesus said, 'Whosoever shall do the will of my +Father which is in heaven, the same is <span class="smcap">MY BROTHER</span>, and <span class="smcap">MY SISTER</span>, and +<span class="smcap">MOTHER</span>.' I want to be one of those."</p> + +<p>"But, Daisy," said Dr. Sandford, "the society of the world is not +arranged on that principle."</p> + +<p>I knew it very well. I said nothing.</p> + +<p>"And you cannot, just yet, go out of the world."</p> + +<p>It was no use to tell Dr. Sandford what I thought. I was silent still.</p> + +<p>"Daisy," said he, "you are worse than you used to be." And I heard a +little concern in his words, only half hid by the tone.</p> + +<p>"You do not suppose that such words as those you quoted just now, were +meant to be a practical guide in the daily affairs of life? Do you?"</p> + +<p>"How can I help it, Dr. Sandford?" I answered. "I would like to have +my friends among those whom the King will call His sisters and +brothers."</p> + +<p>"And what do you think of correct grammar, and clean hands?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Clean hands!" I echoed.</p> + +<p>"You like them," he said, smiling. "The people you mean often go +without them—if report says true."</p> + +<p>"Not the people <i>I</i> mean," I said.</p> + +<p>"And education, Daisy; and refined manners; and cultivated tastes; +what will you do without all these? In the society you speak of they +are seldom found."</p> + +<p>"You do not know the society I speak of, Dr. Sandford; and<!-- Page 290 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[Pg 290]</a></span> Miss +Cardigan has all these, more or less; besides something a great deal +better."</p> + +<p>Dr. Sandford rose up suddenly and introduced me to a Captain Southgate +who came up; and the conversation ran upon West Point things and +nothings after that. I was going back over my memory, to find in how +far religion had been associated with some other valued things in the +instances of my experience, and I heard little of what was said. Mr. +Dinwiddie had been a gentleman, as much as any one I ever knew; he was +the first. My old Juanita had the manners of a princess, and the tact +of a fine lady. Miss Cardigan was a capital compound of sense, +goodness, business energies, and gentle wisdom. The others—well, yes, +they were of the despised orders of the world. My friend Darry, at the +stables of Magnolia—my friend Maria, in the kitchen of the great +house—the other sable and sober faces that came around theirs in +memory's grouping—they were not educated nor polished nor elegant. +Yet well I knew, that having owned Christ before men, He would own +them before the angels of heaven; and what would they be in that day! +I was satisfied to be numbered with them.</p> + +<p>I slept, as Dr. Sandford had prophesied I would that night. I awoke to +a vision of beauty.</p> + +<p>My remembrance of those days that followed is like a summer morning, +with a diamond hanging to every blade of grass.</p> + +<p>I awoke suddenly, that first day, and rushed to the window. The light +had broken, the sun was up; the crown of the morning was upon the +heads of the hills; here and there a light wreath of mist lay along +their sides, floating slowly off, or softly dispersing; the river lay +in quiet beauty waiting for the gilding that should come upon it. I +listened—the brisk notes of a<!-- Page 291 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[Pg 291]</a></span> drum and fife came to my ear, playing +one after another joyous and dancing melody. I thought that never was +a place so utterly delightsome as this place. With all speed I dressed +myself, noiselessly, so as not to waken Mrs. Sandford; and then I +resolved I would go out and see if I could not find a place where I +could be by myself; for in the house there was no chance of it. I took +Mr. Dinwiddie's Bible and stole downstairs. From the piazza where we +had sat last night, a flight of steps led down. I followed it and +found another flight, and still another. The last landed me in a +gravelled path; one track went down the steep face of the bank, on the +brow of which the hotel stood; another track crossed that and wound +away to my right, with a gentle downward slope. I went this way. The +air was delicious; the woods were musical with birds; the morning +light filled my pathway and glancing from trees or rocks ahead of me, +lured me on with a promise of glory. I seemed to gather the promise as +I went, and still I was drawn farther and farther. Glimpses of the +river began to show through the trees; for all this bank side was +thickly wooded. I left walking and took to running. At last I came out +upon another gravelled walk, low down on the hillside, lying parallel +with the river and open to it. Nothing lay between but some masses of +granite rock, grey and lichened, and a soft fringe of green underbrush +and small wood in the intervals. Moreover, I presently found a +comfortable seat on a huge grey stone, where the view was +uninterrupted by any wood growth; and if I thought before that this +was fairyland, I now almost thought myself a fairy. The broad river +was at my feet; the morning light was on all the shores, sparkled from +the granite rocks below me and flashed from the polished leaves, and +glittered on<!-- Page 292 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[Pg 292]</a></span> the water; filling all the blue above with radiance; +touching here and there a little downy cloud; entering in and lying on +my heart. I shall never forget it. The taste of the air was as one +tastes life and strength and vigour. It all rolled in on me a great +burden of joy.</p> + +<p>It was not the worst time or place in the world to read the Bible. But +how all the voices of nature seemed to flow in and mix with the +reading, I cannot tell, no more than I can number them; the whirr of a +bird's wing, the liquid note of a wood thrush, the stir and movement +of a thousand leaves, the gurgle of rippling water, the crow's call, +and the song-sparrow's ecstasy. Once or twice the notes of a bugle +found their way down the hill, and reminded me that I was in a place +of delightful novelty. It was just a fillip to my enjoyment, as I +looked on and off my page alternately.</p> + +<p>By and by I heard footsteps, quick yet light footsteps, sounding on +the gravel. Measured and quick they came; then two figures rounded a +point close by me. There were two, but their footfalls had sounded as +one. They were dressed alike, all in grey, like my friend in the +omnibus. As they passed me, the nearest one hastily pulled off his +cap, and I caught just a flash from a bright eye. It was the same. I +looked after them as they left my point and were soon lost behind +another; thinking that probably Preston was dressed so and had been +taught to walk so; and with renewed admiration of a place where the +inhabitants kept such an exquisite neatness in their dress and moved +like music. There was a fulness of content in my mind, as at length I +slowly went back up my winding path to the hotel, warned by the +furious sounds of a gong that breakfast was in preparation.<!-- Page 293 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[Pg 293]</a></span></p> + +<p>As I toiled up the last flight of steps I saw Dr. Sandford on the +piazza. His blue eye looked me all over and looked me through, I felt. +I was accustomed to that, both from the friend and the physician, and +rather liked it.</p> + +<p>"What is on the other side of the house?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Let us go and see." And as we went, the doctor took my book from my +hand to carry it for me. He opened it, too, and looked at it. On the +other side or two sides of the house stretched away the level green +plain. At the back of it, stood houses half hidden by trees; indeed +all round two sides of the plain there was a border of buildings and +of flourishing trees as well. Down the north side, from the hotel +where we were, a road went winding: likewise under arching trees; here +and there I could see cannon and a bit of some military work. All the +centre of the plain was level and green, and empty; and from the hotel +to the library stretched a broad strip of bare ground, brown and +dusty, alongside of the road by which we had come across last night. +In the morning sun, as indeed under all other lights and at all other +hours, this scene was one of satisfying beauty. Behind the row of +houses at the western edge of the plain, the hills rose up, green and +wooded, height above height; and an old fortification stood out now +under the eastern illumination, picturesque and grey, high up among +them. As Dr. Sandford and I were silent and looking, I saw another +grey figure pass down the road.</p> + +<p>"Who are those people that wear grey, with a black stripe down the +leg?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Grey?" said the doctor. "Where?"</p> + +<p>"There is one yonder under the trees," I said, "and there was one in +the omnibus yesterday. Are those the cadets?"<!-- Page 294 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[Pg 294]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I suppose so."</p> + +<p>"Then Preston wears that dress. I wonder how I shall find him, Dr. +Sandford?"</p> + +<p>"Find whom?" said the doctor, waking up.</p> + +<p>"My cousin Preston—Preston Gary. He is here."</p> + +<p>"Here?" repeated the doctor.</p> + +<p>"Yes—he is a cadet—didn't you know it? He has been here a long +while; he has only one more year, I believe. How can we find him, Dr. +Sandford?"</p> + +<p>"I am ignorant, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"But we must find him," I said, "for of course he will want to see me, +and I want to see him, very much."</p> + +<p>The doctor was silent, and I remember an odd sense I had that he was +not pleased. I cannot tell how I got it; he neither did nor said +anything to make me think so; he did not even look anywise different +from usual; yet I felt it and was sure of it, and unspeakably +mystified at it. Could Preston have been doing anything wrong? Yet the +doctor would not know that, for he was not even aware that Preston was +in the Military Academy till I told him.</p> + +<p>"I do not know, Daisy," he said at last; "but we can find out. I will +ask Captain Southgate or somebody else."</p> + +<p>"Thank you," I said. "Who are those, Dr. Sandford, those others +dressed in dark frock coats, with bright bars over their +shoulders?—like that one just now going out of the gate?"</p> + +<p>"Those are officers of the army."</p> + +<p>"There are a good many of them. What are they here for? Are there many +soldiers here?"</p> + +<p>"No—" said the doctor, "I believe not. I think these gentlemen are +put here to look after the grey coats—the cadets, Daisy, The cadets +are here in training, you know."<!-- Page 295 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[Pg 295]</a></span></p> + +<p>"But that officer who just went out—who is walking over the plain +now—he wore a sword, Dr. Sandford; and a red sash. They do not all +wear them. What is that for?"</p> + +<p>"What is under discussion?" said Mrs. Sandford, coming out. "How well +Daisy looks this morning, don't she?"</p> + +<p>"She has caught the military fever already," said the doctor. "I +brought her here for a sedative; but I find it is no such matter."</p> + +<p>"Sedative!" said Mrs. Sandford; but at this instant my ears were +"caught" by a burst of music on the plain. Mrs. Sandford broke into a +fit of laughter. The doctor's hand touched my shoulder.</p> + +<p>"Get your hat, Daisy," he said, "I will go with you to hear it."</p> + +<p>I might tell of pleasure from minute to minute of that day, and of the +days following. The breath of the air, the notes of the wind +instruments, the flicker of sunlight on the gravel, all come back to +me as I write, and I taste them again. Dr. Sandford and I went down +the road I have described, leading along the edge of the plain at its +northern border; from which the view up over the river, between the +hills, was very glorious. Fine young trees shaded this road; on one +side a deep hollow or cup in the green plain excited my curiosity; on +the other, lying a little down the bank, a military work of some odd +sort planted with guns. Then one or two pyramidal heaps of +cannon-balls by the side of the road, marked this out as unlike all +other roads I had ever traversed. At the farther side of the plain we +came to the row of houses I had seen from a distance, which ran north +and south, looking eastward over all the plain. The road which skirted +these houses was shaded with large old trees, and on the edge of the +greensward under the trees we found a number of<!-- Page 296 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[Pg 296]</a></span> iron seats placed for +the convenience of spectators. And here, among many others, Dr. +Sandford and I sat down.</p> + +<p>There was a long line of the grey uniforms now drawn up in front of +us; at some little distance; standing still and doing nothing, that I +could see. Nearer to us and facing them stood a single grey figure; I +looked hard, but could not make out that it was Preston. Nearer still, +stood with arms folded one of those whom the doctor had said were army +officers; I thought, the very one I had seen leave the hotel; but all +like statues, motionless and fixed. Only the band seemed to have some +life in them.</p> + +<p>"What is it, Dr. Sandford?" I whispered, after a few minutes of +intense enjoyment.</p> + +<p>"Don't know, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"But what are they doing?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know, Daisy."</p> + +<p>I nestled down into silence again, listening, almost with a doubt of +my own senses, as the notes of the instruments mingled with the summer +breeze and filled the June sunshine. The plain looked most beautiful, +edged with trees on three sides, and bounded to the east, in front of +me, by a chain of hills soft and wooded, which I afterwards found were +beyond the river. Near at hand, the order of military array, the flash +of a sword, the glitter of an epaulette, the glance of red sashes here +and there, the regularity of a perfect machine. I said nothing more to +Dr. Sandford; but I gathered drop by drop the sweetness of the time.</p> + +<p>The statues broke into life a few minutes later, and there was a stir +of business of some sort; but I could make out nothing of what they +were doing. I took it on trust, and enjoyed everything to the full +till the show was over.<!-- Page 297 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[Pg 297]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIV" id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.</h2> + +<h3>YANKEES.</h3> + +<p class="cap">FOR several days I saw nothing of Preston. He was hardly missed.</p> + +<p>I found that such a parade as that which pleased me the first morning +came off twice daily; and other military displays, more extended and +more interesting, were to be looked for every day at irregular times. +I failed not of one. So surely as the roll of the drum or a strain of +music announced that something of the sort was on hand, I caught up my +hat and was ready. And so was Dr. Sandford. Mrs. Sandford would often +not go; but the doctor's hat was as easily put on as mine, and as +readily; and he attended me, I used to think, as patiently as a great +Newfoundland dog. As patient, and as supreme. The evolutions of +soldiers and clangour of martial music were nothing to <i>him</i>, but he +must wait upon his little mistress. I mean of course the Newfoundland +dog; not Dr. Sandford.</p> + +<p>"Will you go for a walk, Daisy?" he said, the morning of the third or +fourth day. "There is nothing doing on the plain, I find."<!-- Page 298 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[Pg 298]</a></span></p> + +<p>"A walk? Oh, yes!" I said. "Where shall we go?"</p> + +<p>"To look for wonderful things," he said.</p> + +<p>"Only don't take the child among the rattlesnakes," said Mrs. +Sandford. "<i>They</i> are wonderful, I suppose, but not pleasant. You will +get her all tanned, Grant!"</p> + +<p>But I took these hints of danger as coolly as the doctor himself did; +and another of my West Point delights began.</p> + +<p>We went beyond the limits of the post, passed out at one of the gates +which shut it in from the common world, and forgot for the moment +drums and fifes. Up the mountain side, under the shadow of the trees +most of the time, though along a good road; with the wild hill at one +hand rising sharp above us. Turning round that, we finally plunged +down into a grand dell of the hills, leaving all roads behind and all +civilization, and having a whole mountain between us and the West +Point plain. I suppose it might have been a region for rattlesnakes, +but I never thought of them. I had never seen such a place in my life. +From the bottom of the gorge where we were, the opposite mountain side +sloped up to a great height; wild, lonely, green with a wealth of +wood, stupendous, as it seemed to me, in its towering expanse. At our +backs, a rocky and green precipice rose up more steeply yet, though to +a lesser elevation, topped with the grey walls of the old fort, the +other face of which I had seen from our hotel. A wilderness of nature +it was; wild and stern. I feasted on it. Dr. Sandford was moving +about, looking for something; he helped me over rocks, and jumped me +across morasses, and kept watchful guard of me; but else he let me +alone; he did not talk, and I had quite enough without. The strong +delight of the novelty, the freedom, the delicious wild things around, +the bracing air, the wonderful lofty beauty,<!-- Page 299 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[Pg 299]</a></span> made me as happy as I +thought I could be. I feasted on the rocks and wild verdure, the +mosses and ferns and lichen, the scrub forest and tangled undergrowth, +among which we plunged and scrambled: above all, on those vast leafy +walls which shut in the glen, and almost took away my breath with +their towering lonely grandeur. All this time Dr. Sandford was as busy +as a bee, in quest of something. He was a great geologist and +mineralogist; a lover of all natural science, but particularly of +chemistry and geology. When I stopped to look at him, I thought he +must have put his own tastes in his pocket for several days past that +he might gratify mine. I was standing on a rock, high and dry and grey +with lichen; he was poking about in some swampy ground.</p> + +<p>"Are you tired, Daisy?" he said, looking up.</p> + +<p>"My feet are tired," I said.</p> + +<p>"That is all of you that can be tired. Sit down where you are—I will +come to you directly."</p> + +<p>So I sat down and watched him, and looked off between whiles to the +wonderful green walls of the glen. The summer blue was very clear +overhead; the stillness of the place very deep; insects, birds, a +flutter of leaves, and the grating of Dr. Sandford's boot upon a +stone, all the sounds that could be heard.</p> + +<p>"Why you are warm, as well as tired, Daisy," he said, coming up to my +rock at last.</p> + +<p>"It <i>is</i> warm," I answered.</p> + +<p>"Warm?" said he. "Look here, Daisy!"</p> + +<p>"Well, what in the world is that?" I said, laughing. "A little mud or +earth is all that I can see."</p> + +<p>"Ah, your eyes are not good for much, Daisy—except to look at."<!-- Page 300 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[Pg 300]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Not good for much for <i>that</i>," I said, amused; for his eyes were bent +upon the earth in his hand.</p> + +<p>"I don't know," said he, getting up on the rock beside me and sitting +down. "I used to find strange things in them once. But this is +something you will like, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"Is it?"</p> + +<p>"If you like wonderful things as well as ever."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I do!" I said. "What is it, Dr. Sandford?"</p> + +<p>He carefully wrapped up his treasure in a bit of paper and put it in +his pocket; then he cut down a small hickory branch and began to fan +me with it; and while he sat there fanning me he entered upon a +lecture such as I had never listened to in my life. I had studied a +little geology of course, as well as a little of everything else; but +no lesson like this had come in the course of my experience. Taking +his text from the very wild glen where we were sitting and the +mountain sides upon which I had been gazing, Dr. Sandford spread a +clear page of nature before me and interpreted it. He answered +unspoken questions; he filled great vacancies of my ignorance; into +what had been abysms of thought he poured a whole treasury of +intelligence and brought floods of light. All so quietly, so +luminously, with such a wealth of knowledge and facility of giving it, +that it is a simple thing to say no story of Eastern magic was ever +given into more charmed ears around an Arabian desert fire. I listened +and he talked and fanned me. He talked like one occupied with his +subject and not with me: but he met every half-uttered doubt or +question, and before he had done he satisfied it fully. I had always +liked Dr. Sandford; I had never liked him so much; I had never, since +the old childish times, had such a free talk with him. And now, he did +not talk to me as a child or a very<!-- Page 301 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[Pg 301]</a></span> young girl, except in bending +himself to my ignorance; but as one who loves knowledge likes to give +it to others, so he gave it to me. Only I do not remember seeing him +like to give it in such manner to anybody else. I think the novelty +added to the zest when I thought about it; at the moment I had no time +for side thoughts. At the moment my ears could but receive the pearls +and diamonds of knowledge which came from the speaker's lips, set in +silver of the simplest clear English. I notice that the people who +have the most thorough grasp of a subject make ever least difficulty +of words about it.</p> + +<p>The sun was high and hot when we returned, but I cared nothing for +that. I was more than ever sure that West Point was fairyland. The old +spring of childish glee seemed to have come back to my nerves.</p> + +<p>"Dinner is just ready," said Mrs. Sandford, meeting us in the hall. +"Why, where <i>have</i> you been? And look at the colour of Daisy's face! +Oh, Grant, what have you done with her?"</p> + +<p>"Very good colour—" said the doctor, peering under my hat.</p> + +<p>"She's all flushed and sunburnt, and overheated."</p> + +<p>"Daisy is never anything but cool," he said; "unless when she gets +hold of a principle, and somebody else gets hold of the other end. +We'll look at these things after dinner, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"Principles?" half exclaimed Mrs. Sandford, with so dismayed an +expression that the doctor and I both laughed.</p> + +<p>"Not exactly," said the doctor, putting his hand in his pocket. "Look +here."</p> + +<p>"I see nothing but a little dirt."</p> + +<p>"You shall see something else by and by—if you will."</p> + +<p>"You have never brought your microscope here, Grant? Where in the +world will you set it up?"<!-- Page 302 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[Pg 302]</a></span></p> + +<p>"In your room—after dinner—if you permit."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Sandford permitted; and though she did not care much about the +investigations that followed, the doctor and I did. As delightful as +the morning had been, the long afternoon stretched its bright hours +along; till Mrs. Sandford insisted I must be dressed, and pushed the +microscope into a corner and ordered the doctor away.</p> + +<p>That was the beginning of the pleasantest course of lessons I ever had +in my life. From that time Dr. Sandford and I spent a large part of +every day in the hills; and often another large part over the +microscope. No palace and gardens in the Arabian nights were ever more +enchanting, than the glories of nature through which he led me; nor +half so wonderful. "A little dirt," as it seemed to ordinary eyes, was +the hidden entrance way ofttimes to halls of knowledge more +magnificent and more rich than my fancy had ever dreamed of.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile, Mrs. Sandford found a great many officers to talk to.</p> + +<p>It was not till the evening of the next day following my first walk +into the mountains, that I saw Preston. It was parade time; and I was +sitting as usual on one of the iron settees which are placed for the +convenience of spectators. I was almost always there at parade and +guardmounting. The picture had a continual fascination for me, whether +under the morning sun, or the evening sunset; and the music was +charming. This time I was alone, Dr. and Mrs. Sandford being engaged +in conversation with friends at a little distance. Following with my +ear the variations of the air the band were playing my mind was at the +same time dwelling on the riches it had just gained in the natural +history researches of the day, and also taking in half consciously<!-- Page 303 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[Pg 303]</a></span> +the colours of the hills and the light that spread over the plain; +musing, in short, in a kind of dream of delight; when a grey figure +came between me and my picture. Finding that it did not move, I raised +my eyes.</p> + +<p>"The same Daisy as ever!" said Preston, his eyes all alight with fun +and pleasure. "The same as ever! And how came you here? and when did +you come? and how did you come?"</p> + +<p>"We have been here ever since Friday. Why haven't you been to see me? +Dr. Sandford sent word to you."</p> + +<p>"Dr. Sandford!" said Preston, taking the place by my side. "How did +you come here, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"I came by the boat, last Friday. How should I come?"</p> + +<p>"Who are you with?"</p> + +<p>"Dr. Sandford—and Mrs. Sandford."</p> + +<p>"<i>Mrs.</i> Sandford, and Dr. Sandford," said Preston, pointedly. "You are +not with the doctor, I suppose."</p> + +<p>"Why yes, I am," I answered. "He is my guardian—don't you know, +Preston? He brought me. How tall you have grown!"</p> + +<p>"A parcel of Yankees," said Preston. "Poor little Daisy."</p> + +<p>"What do you mean by 'Yankees'?" I said. "You do not mean just people +at the North, for you speak as if it was something bad."</p> + +<p>"It is. So I do," said Preston. "They are a mean set—fit for nothing +but to eat codfish and scrape. I wish you had nothing to do with +Yankees."</p> + +<p>I thought how all the South lived upon stolen earnings. It was a +disagreeable turn to my meditations for a moment.</p> + +<p>"Where have you hid yourself since you have come here?" Preston went +on. "I have been to the hotel time and again to find you."<!-- Page 304 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[Pg 304]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Have you!" I said. "Oh, I suppose I was out walking."</p> + +<p>"With whom were you walking."</p> + +<p>"I don't know anybody here, but those I came with. But, Preston, why +are you not over yonder with the others?"</p> + +<p>I was looking at the long grey line formed in front of us on the +plain.</p> + +<p>"I got leave of absence, to come and see you, Daisy. And <i>you</i> have +grown, and improved. You're wonderfully improved. Are you the very +same Daisy? and what are you going to do here?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I'm enjoying myself. Now, Preston why does that man stand so?"</p> + +<p>"What man?"</p> + +<p>"That officer—here in front, standing all alone, with the sash and +sword. Why does he stand so?"</p> + +<p>"Hush. That is Captain Percival. He is the officer in charge."</p> + +<p>"What is that?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, he looks after the parade, and things."</p> + +<p>"But why does he stand so, Preston?"</p> + +<p>"Stand how?" said Preston, unsympathizingly. "That is good standing."</p> + +<p>"Why, with his shoulders up to his ears," I said; "and his arms lifted +up as if he was trying to put his elbows upon a high shelf. It is +<i>very</i> awkward."</p> + +<p>"They all stand so," said Preston. "That's right enough."</p> + +<p>"It is ungraceful."</p> + +<p>"It is military."</p> + +<p>"Must one be ungraceful in order to be military?"</p> + +<p>"<i>He</i> isn't ungraceful. That is Percival—of South Carolina."<!-- Page 305 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[Pg 305]</a></span></p> + +<p>"The officer yesterday stood a great deal better," I went on.</p> + +<p>"Yesterday? That was Blunt. He's a Yankee."</p> + +<p>"Well, what then, Preston?" I said laughing.</p> + +<p>"I despise them!"</p> + +<p>"Aren't there Yankees among the cadets?"</p> + +<p>"Of course; but they are no count—only here and there there's one of good +family. Don't you have anything to do with them, Daisy!—mind;—not with +one of them, unless I tell you who he is."</p> + +<p>"With one of whom? What are you speaking of?"</p> + +<p>"The cadets."</p> + +<p>"Why I have nothing to do with them," I said. "How should I?"</p> + +<p>Preston looked at me curiously.</p> + +<p>"Nor at the hotel, neither, Daisy—more than you can help. Have +nothing to say to the Yankees."</p> + +<p>I thought Preston had taken a strange fancy. I was silent.</p> + +<p>"It is not fitting," he went on. "We are going to change all that. I +want to have nothing to do with Yankees."</p> + +<p>"What are you going to change?" I asked. "I don't see how you can help +having to do with them. They are among the cadets, and they are among +the officers."</p> + +<p>"We have our own set," said Preston. "I have nothing to do with them +in the corps."</p> + +<p>"Now, Preston, look; what are they about? All the red sashes are +getting together."</p> + +<p>"Parade is dismissed. They are coming up to salute the officer in +charge."</p> + +<p>"It is so pretty!" I said, as the music burst out again, and the +measured steps of the advancing line of "red sashes"<!-- Page 306 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[Pg 306]</a></span> marked it. "And +now Captain Percival will unbend his stiff elbows. Why could not all +that be done easily, Preston?"</p> + +<p>"Nonsense, Daisy!—it is military."</p> + +<p>"Is it? But Mr. Blunt did it a great deal better. Now they are going. +Must you go?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. What are you going to do to-morrow?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know—I suppose we shall go into the woods again."</p> + +<p>"When the examination is over, I can attend to you. I haven't much +time just now. But there is really nothing to be done here, since one +can't get on horseback out of the hours."</p> + +<p>"I don't want anything better than I can get on my own feet," I said +joyously. "I find plenty to do."</p> + +<p>"Look here, Daisy," said Preston—"don't you turn into a masculine, +muscular woman, that can walk her twenty miles and wear hobnailed +shoes—like the Yankees you are among. Don't forget that you are the +daughter of a Southern gentleman—"</p> + +<p>He touched his cap hastily and turned away—walking with those +measured steps towards the barracks; whither now all the companies of +grey figures were in full retreat. I stood wondering, and then slowly +returned with my friends to the hotel; much puzzled to account for +Preston's discomposure and strange injunctions. The sunlight had left +the tops of the hills; the river slept in the gathering grey shadows, +soft, tranquil, reposeful. Before I got to the hotel, I had quite made +up my mind that my cousin's eccentricities were of no consequence.</p> + +<p>They recurred to me, however, and were as puzzling as ever. I had no +key at the time.</p> + +<p>The next afternoon was given to a very lively show: the light +artillery drill before the Board of Visitors. We sat out under the +trees to behold it; and I found out now the meaning of the<!-- Page 307 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[Pg 307]</a></span> broad +strip of plain between the hotel and the library, which was brown and +dusty in the midst of the universal green. Over this strip, round and +round, back, and forth, and across, the light artillery wagons rushed, +as if to show what they could do in time of need. It was a beautiful +sight, exciting and stirring; with the beat of horses' hoofs, the +clatter of harness, the rumble of wheels tearing along over the +ground, the flash of a sabre now and then, the ringing words of +command, and the soft, shrill echoing bugle which repeated them. I +only wanted to understand it all; and in the evening I plied Preston +with questions. He explained things to me patiently.</p> + +<p>"I understand," I said, at last, "I understand what it would do in war +time. But we are not at war, Preston."</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"Nor in the least likely to be."</p> + +<p>"We can't tell. It is good to be ready."</p> + +<p>"But what do you mean?" I remember saying. "You speak as if we might +be at war. Who is there for us to fight?"</p> + +<p>"Anybody that wants putting in order," said Preston. "The Indians."</p> + +<p>"O Preston, Preston!" I exclaimed. "The Indians! when we have been +doing them wrong ever since the white men came here; and you want to +do them more wrong!"</p> + +<p>"I want to hinder them from doing us wrong. But I don't care about the +Indians, little Daisy. I would just as lief fight the Yankees."</p> + +<p>"Preston, I think you are very wrong."</p> + +<p>"You think all the world is," he said.</p> + +<p>We were silent, and I felt very dissatisfied. What <i>was</i> all this +military schooling a preparation for, perhaps? How could we<!-- Page 308 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[Pg 308]</a></span> know. +Maybe these heads and hands, so gay to-day in their mock fight, would +be grimly and sadly at work by and by, in real encounter with some +real enemy.</p> + +<p>"Do you see that man, Daisy?" whispered Preston, suddenly in my ear. +"That one talking to a lady in blue."</p> + +<p>We were on the parade ground, among a crowd of spectators, for the +hotels were very full, and the Point very gay now. I said I saw him.</p> + +<p>"That is a great man."</p> + +<p>"Is he?" I said, looking and wondering if a great man could hide +behind such a physiognomy.</p> + +<p>"Other people think so, I can tell you," said Preston. "Nobody knows +what that man can do. That is Davis of Mississippi."</p> + +<p>The name meant nothing to me then. I looked at him as I would have +looked at another man. And I did not like what I saw. Something of +sinister, nothing noble, about the countenance; power there might +be—Preston said there was—but the power of the fox and the vulture +it seemed to me; sly, crafty, selfish, cruel.</p> + +<p>"If nobody knows what he can do, how is it so certain that he is a +great man?" I asked. Preston did not answer. "I hope there are not +many great men that look like him." I went on.</p> + +<p>"Nonsense, Daisy!" said Preston, in an energetic whisper. "That is +Davis of Mississippi."</p> + +<p>"Well?" said I. "That is no more to me than if he were Jones of New +York."</p> + +<p>"Daisy!" said Preston. "If you are not a true Southerner, I will never +love you any more."</p> + +<p>"What do you mean by a true Southerner? I do not understand."<!-- Page 309 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[Pg 309]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Yes, you do. A true Southerner is always a Southerner, and takes the +part of a Southerner in every dispute—right or wrong."</p> + +<p>"What makes you dislike Northerners so much?"</p> + +<p>"Cowardly Yankees!" was Preston's reply.</p> + +<p>"You must have an uncomfortable time among them, if you feel so," I +said.</p> + +<p>"There are plenty of the true sort here. I wish you were in Paris, +Daisy; or somewhere else."</p> + +<p>"Why?" I said, laughing.</p> + +<p>"Safe with my mother, or <i>your</i> mother. You want teaching. You are too +latitudinarian. And you are too thick with the Yankees, by half."</p> + +<p>I let this opinion alone, as I could do nothing with it; and our +conversation broke off with Preston in a very bad humour.</p> + +<p>The next day, when we were deep in the woods, I asked Dr. Sandford if +he knew Mr. Davis of Mississippi. He answered Yes, rather drily. I +knew the doctor knew everybody.</p> + +<p>I asked why Preston called him a great man.</p> + +<p>"Does he call him a great man?" Dr. Sandford asked.</p> + +<p>"Do you?"</p> + +<p>"No, not I, Daisy. But that may not hinder the fact. And I may not +have Mr. Gary's means of judging."</p> + +<p>"What means can he have?" I said.</p> + +<p>"Daisy," said Dr. Sandford suddenly, when I had forgotten the question +in plunging through a thicket of brushwood, "if the North and the +South should split on the subject of slavery, what side would you +take?"</p> + +<p>"What do you mean by a 'split'?" I asked slowly, in my wonderment.</p> + +<p>"The States are not precisely like a perfect crystal, Daisy,<!-- Page 310 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[Pg 310]</a></span> and +there is an incipient cleavage somewhere about Mason and Dixon's +line."</p> + +<p>"I do not know what line that is."</p> + +<p>"No. Well, for practical purposes, you may take it as the line between +the slave States and the free."</p> + +<p>"But how could there be a split?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"There is a wedge applied even now, Daisy—the question whether the +new States forming out of our Western territories, shall have slavery +in them or shall be free States."</p> + +<p>I was silent upon this; and we walked and climbed for a little +distance, without my remembering our geological or mineralogical, or +any other objects in view.</p> + +<p>"The North say," Dr. Sandford then went on, "that these States shall +be free. The South—or some men at the South—threaten that if they +be, the South will split from the North, have nothing to do with us, +and set up for themselves."</p> + +<p>"Who is to decide it?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"The people. This fall the election will be held for the next +President; and that will show. If a slavery man be chosen, we shall +know that a majority of the nation go with the Southern view."</p> + +<p>"If not?"—</p> + +<p>"Then there may be trouble, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"What sort of trouble?" I asked hastily.</p> + +<p>Dr. Sandford hesitated, and then said, "I do not know how far people +will go."</p> + +<p>I mused, and forgot the sweet flutter of green leaves, and smell of +moss and of hemlock, and golden bursts of sunshine, amongst which we +were pursuing our way. Preston's strange heat and Southernism, Mr. +Davis's wile and greatness, a coming<!-- Page 311 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[Pg 311]</a></span> disputed election, quarrels +between the people where I was born and the people where I was brought +up, divisions and jealousies, floated before my mind in unlovely and +confused visions. Then, remembering my father and my mother and Gary +McFarlane, and others whom I had known, I spoke again.</p> + +<p>"Whatever the Southern people say, they will do, Dr. Sandford."</p> + +<p>"<i>Provided</i>—" said the doctor.</p> + +<p>"What, if you please?"</p> + +<p>"Provided the North will let them, Daisy."</p> + +<p>I thought privately they could not hinder. Would there be a trial? +Could it be possible there would be a trial?</p> + +<p>"But you have not answered my question," said the doctor. "Aren't you +going to answer it?"</p> + +<p>"What question?"</p> + +<p>"As to the side you would take."</p> + +<p>"I do not want any more slave States, Dr. Sandford."</p> + +<p>"I thought so. Then you would be with the North."</p> + +<p>"But people will never be so foolish as to come to what you call a +'split,' Dr. Sandford."</p> + +<p>"Upon my word, Daisy, as the world is at present, the folly of a thing +is no presumptive argument against its coming into existence. +Look—here we shall get a nice piece of quartz for your collection."</p> + +<p>I came back to the primary rocks, and for the present dismissed the +subject of the confusions existing on the surface of the earth; hoping +sincerely that there would be no occasion for calling it up again.</p> + +<p>For some time I saw very little of Preston. He was busy, he said. My +days flowed on like the summer sunshine, and were as beneficent. I was +gaining strength every day. Dr. Sandford<!-- Page 312 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[Pg 312]</a></span> decreed that I must stay as +long as possible. Then Mr. Sandford came, the doctor's brother, and +added his social weight to our party. Hardly needed, for I perceived +that we were very much sought after; at least my companions. The +doctor in especial was a very great favourite, both with men and +women; who I notice are most ready to bestow their favour where it is +least cared for. I don't know but Dr. Sandford cared for it; only he +did not show that he did. The claims of society however began to +interfere with my geological and other lessons.</p> + +<p>A few days after his brother's arrival, the doctor had been carried +off by a party of gentlemen who were going back in the mountains to +fish in the White Lakes. I was left to the usual summer delights of +the place; which indeed to me were numberless; began with the echo of +the morning gun (or before) and ended not till the three taps of the +drum at night. The cadets had gone into camp by this time; and the +taps of the drum were quite near, as well as the shrill sweet notes of +the fife at reveille and tattoo. The camp itself was a great pleasure +to me; and at guardmounting or parade I never failed to be in my +place. Only to sit in the rear of the guard tents and watch the +morning sunlight on the turf, and on the hills over the river, and +shining down the camp alleys, was a rich satisfaction. Mrs. Sandford +laughed at me; her husband said it was "natural," though I am sure he +did not understand it a bit; but the end of all was, that I was left +very often to go alone down the little path to the guard tents among +the crowd that twice a day poured out there from our hotel and met the +crowd that came up from Cozzens's hotel below.</p> + +<p>So it was, one morning that I remember. Guardmounting was always late +enough to let one feel the sun's power; and it<!-- Page 313 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[Pg 313]</a></span> was a sultry morning, +this. We were in July now, and misty, vaporous clouds moved slowly +over the blue sky, seeming to intensify the heat of the unclouded +intervals. But wonderful sweet it was; and I under the shade of my +flat hat, with a little help from the foliage of a young tree, did not +mind it at all. Every bit of the scene was a pleasure to me; I missed +none of the details. The files of cadets in the camp alleys getting +their arms inspected; the white tents themselves, with curtains +tightly done up; here and there an officer crossing the camp ground +and stopping to speak to an orderly; then the coming up of the band, +the music, the marching out of the companies; the leisurely walk from +the camp of the officer in charge, drawing on his white gloves; his +stand and his attitude; and then the pretty business of the parade. +All under that July sky; all under that flicker of cloud and sun, and +the soft sweet breath of air that sometimes stole to us to relieve the +hot stillness; and all with that setting and background of cedars and +young foliage and bordering hills over which the cloud shadows swept. +Then came the mounting-guard business. By and by Preston came to me.</p> + +<p>"Awfully hot, Daisy!" he said.</p> + +<p>"Yes, you are out in it," I said, compassionately.</p> + +<p>"What are <i>you</i> out in it for?"</p> + +<p>"Why, I like it," I said. "How come you to be one of the red sashes +this morning?"</p> + +<p>"I have been an officer of the guard this last twenty-four hours."</p> + +<p>"Since yesterday morning?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"Do you like it, Preston?"<!-- Page 314 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_314" id="Page_314">[Pg 314]</a></span></p> + +<p>"<i>Like</i> it!" he said. "Like guard duty! Why, Daisy, when a fellow has +left his shoe-string untied, or something or other like that, they put +him on extra guard duty to punish him."</p> + +<p>"Did you ever do so, Preston?"</p> + +<p>"Did I ever do so?" he repeated savagely. "Do you think I have been +raised like a Yankee, to take care of my shoes? That Blunt is just fit +to stand behind a counter and measure inches!"</p> + +<p>I was very near laughing, but Preston was not in a mood to bear +laughing at.</p> + +<p>"I don't think it is beneath a gentleman to keep his shoe-strings +tied," I said.</p> + +<p>"A gentleman can't always think of everything!" he replied.</p> + +<p>"Then you are glad you have only one year more at the Academy?"</p> + +<p>"Of course I am glad! I'll never be under Yankee rule again; not if I +know it."</p> + +<p>"Suppose they elect a Yankee President?" I said; but Preston's look +was so eager and so sharp at me that I was glad to cover my rash +suggestion under another subject as soon as possible.</p> + +<p>"Are you going to be busy this afternoon?" I asked him.</p> + +<p>"No, I reckon not."</p> + +<p>"Suppose you come and go up to the fort with me?"</p> + +<p>"What fort?"</p> + +<p>"Fort Putnam. I have never been there yet."</p> + +<p>"There is nothing on earth to go there for," said Preston, shrugging +his shoulders. "Just broil yourself in the sun, and get nothing for +it. It's an awful pull uphill; rough, and all that; and nothing at the +top but an old stone wall."<!-- Page 315 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_315" id="Page_315">[Pg 315]</a></span></p> + +<p>"But there is the view!" I said.</p> + +<p>"You have got it down here—just as good. Just climb up the hotel +stairs fifty times without stopping, and then look out of the thing at +the top—and you have been to Fort Putnam."</p> + +<p>"Why, I want you to go to the top of Crow's Nest," I said.</p> + +<p>"Yes! I was ass enough to try that once," said Preston, "when I was +just come, and thought I must do everything; but if anybody wants to +insult me, let him just ask me to do it again!"</p> + +<p>Preston's mood was unmanageable. I had never seen him so in old times. +I thought West Point did not agree with him. I listened to the band, +just then playing a fine air, and lamented privately to myself that +brass instruments should be so much more harmonious than human +tempers. Then the music ceased and the military movements drew my +attention again.</p> + +<p>"They all walk like you," I observed carelessly, as I noticed a +measured step crossing the camp ground.</p> + +<p>"Do they?" said Preston sneeringly. "I flatter myself I do not walk +like <i>all</i> of them. If you notice more closely, Daisy, you will see a +difference. You can tell a Southerner, on foot or on horseback, from +the sons of tailors and farmers—strange if you couldn't!"</p> + +<p>"I think you are unjust, Preston," I said. "You should not talk so. +Major Blunt walks as well and stands much better than any officer I +have seen; and he is from Vermont; and Capt. Percival is from South +Carolina, and Mr. Hunter is from Virginia, and Col. Forsyth is from +Georgia. They are all of them less graceful than Major Blunt."</p> + +<p>"What do you think of Dr. Sandford?" said Preston in the same tone; +but before I could answer I heard a call of "Gary<!-- Page 316 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_316" id="Page_316">[Pg 316]</a></span>!—Gary!" I looked +round. In the midst of the ranks of spectators to our left stood a +cadet, my friend of the omnibus. He was looking impatiently our way, +and again exclaimed in a sort of suppressed shout—"Gary!" Preston +heard him that time; started from my side, and placed himself +immediately beside his summoner, in front of the guard tents and +spectators. The two were in line, two or three yards separating them, +and both facing towards a party drawn up at some little distance on +the camp ground, which I believe were the relieving guard. I moved my +own position to a place immediately behind them, where I spied an +empty camp-stool, and watched the two with curious eyes. Uniforms, and +military conformities generally, are queer things if you take the +right point of view. Here were these two, a pair, and not a pair. The +grey coat and the white pantaloons (they had all gone into white now), +the little soldier's cap, were a counterpart in each of the other; the +two even stood on the ground as if they were bound to be patterns each +of the other; and when my acquaintance raised his arms and folded them +after the most approved fashion, to my great amusement Preston's arms +copied the movement: and they stood like two brother statues still, +from their heels to their cap rims. Except when once the right arm of +my unknown friend was unbent to give a military sign, in answer to +some demand or address from somebody in front of him which I did not +hear. Yet as I watched, I began to discern how individual my two +statues really were. I could not see faces, of course. But the grey +coat on the one looked as if its shoulders had been more carefully +brushed than had been the case with the other; the spotless +pantaloons, which seemed to be just out of the laundress's basket, as +I suppose they were, sat with a trimmer perfection in<!-- Page 317 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_317" id="Page_317">[Pg 317]</a></span> one case than +in the other. Preston's pocket gaped, and was, I noticed, a little bit +ripped; and when my eye got down to the shoes, his had not the black +gloss of his companion's. With that one there was not, I think, a +thread awry. And then, there was a certain relaxation in the lines of +Preston's figure impossible to describe, stiff and motionless though +he was; something which prepared one for a lax and careless movement +when he moved. Perhaps this was fancy and only arose from my knowledge +of the fact; but with the other no such fancy was possible. Still, but +alert; motionless, but full of vigour; I expected what came; firm, +quick, and easy action, as soon as he should cease to be a statue.</p> + +<p>So much to a back view of character; which engrossed me till my two +statues went away.</p> + +<p>A little while after Preston came. "Are you here yet?" he said.</p> + +<p>"Don't you like to have me here?"</p> + +<p>"It's hot. And it is very stupid for you, I should think. Where is +Mrs. Sandford?"</p> + +<p>"She thinks as you do, that it is stupid."</p> + +<p>"You ought not to be here without some one."</p> + +<p>"Why not? What cadet was that who called you, Preston?"</p> + +<p>"Called me? Nobody called me."</p> + +<p>"Yes he did. When you were sitting with me. Who was it?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know!" said Preston. "Good-bye. I shall be busy for a day or +two."</p> + +<p>"Then you cannot go to Fort Putnam this afternoon?"</p> + +<p>"Fort Putnam? I should think not. It will be broiling to-day."</p> + +<p>And he left me. Things had gone wrong with Preston lately,<!-- Page 318 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_318" id="Page_318">[Pg 318]</a></span> I thought. +Before I had made up my mind to move, two other cadets came before me. +One of them Mrs. Sandford knew, and I slightly.</p> + +<p>"Miss Randolph, my friend Mr. Thorold has begged me to introduce him +to you."</p> + +<p>It was <i>my</i> friend of the omnibus. I think we liked each other at this +very first moment. I looked up at a manly, well-featured face, just +then lighted with a little smile of deference and recognition; but +permanently lighted with the brightest and quickest hazel eyes that I +ever saw. Something about the face pleased me on the instant. I +believe it was the frankness.</p> + +<p>"I have to apologize for my rudeness, in calling a gentleman away from +you, Miss Randolph, in a very unceremonious manner, a little while +ago."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I know," I said. "I saw what you did with him."</p> + +<p>"Did I do anything with him?"</p> + +<p>"Only called him to his duty, I suppose."</p> + +<p>"Precisely. He was very excusable for forgetting it; but it might have +been inconvenient."</p> + +<p>"Do you think it is ever excusable to forget duty?" I asked; and I was +rewarded with a swift flash of fun in the hazel eyes, that came and +went like forked lightning.</p> + +<p>"It is not easily pardoned here," he answered.</p> + +<p>"People don't make allowances?"</p> + +<p>"Not officers," he said, with a smile. "Soldiers lose the character of +men, when on duty; they are only reckoned machines."</p> + +<p>"You do not mean that exactly, I suppose."</p> + +<p>"Indeed I do!" he said, with another slighter coruscation. +"Intelligent machines, of course, and with no more latitude of action. +You would not like that life?"<!-- Page 319 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_319" id="Page_319">[Pg 319]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I should think you would not."</p> + +<p>"Ah, but we hope to rise to the management of the machines, some day."</p> + +<p>I thought I saw in his face that he did. I remarked that I thought the +management of machines could not be very pleasant.</p> + +<p>"Why not?"</p> + +<p>"It is degrading to the machines—and so, I should think, it would not +be very elevating to those that make them machines."</p> + +<p>"That is exactly the use they propose them to serve, though," he said, +looking amused; "the elevation of themselves."</p> + +<p>"I know," I said, thinking that the end was ignoble too.</p> + +<p>"You do not approve it?" he said.</p> + +<p>I felt those brilliant eyes dancing all over me and, I fancied, over +my thoughts too. I felt a little shy of going on to explain myself to +one whom I knew so little. He turned the conversation, by asking me if +I had seen all the lions yet.</p> + +<p>I said I supposed not.</p> + +<p>"Have you been up to the old fort?"</p> + +<p>"I want to go there," I said; "but somebody told me to-day, there was +nothing worth going for."</p> + +<p>"Has his report taken away your desire to make the trial?"</p> + +<p>"No, for I do not believe he is right."</p> + +<p>"Might I offer myself as a guide? I can be disengaged this afternoon; +and I know all the ways to the fort. It would give me great pleasure."</p> + +<p>I felt it would give me great pleasure too, and so I told him. We +arranged for the hour, and Mr. Thorold hastened away.<!-- Page 320 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_320" id="Page_320">[Pg 320]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.</h2> + +<h3>FORT PUTNAM.</h3> + +<p class="cap">I AM going to Fort Putnam this afternoon, with Mr. Thorold," I +announced to Mrs. Sandford, after dinner.</p> + +<p>"Who is Mr. Thorold?"</p> + +<p>"One of the cadets."</p> + +<p>"One of the cadets! So it has got hold of you at last, Daisy!"</p> + +<p>"What, Mrs. Sandford?"</p> + +<p>"But Fort Putnam? My dearest child, it is very hot!"</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, ma'am—I don't mind it."</p> + +<p>"Well, I am very glad, if you don't," said Mrs. Sandford. "And I am +very glad Grant has taken himself off to the White Lakes. He gave +nobody else any chance. It will do you a world of good."</p> + +<p>"What will?" I asked, wondering.</p> + +<p>"Amusement, dear—amusement. Something a great deal better than +Grant's 'elogies and 'ologies. Now this would never have happened if +he had been at home."<!-- Page 321 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_321" id="Page_321">[Pg 321]</a></span></p> + +<p>I did not understand her, but then I knew she did not understand the +pursuits she so slighted; and it was beyond my powers to enlighten +her. So I did not try.</p> + +<p>Mr. Thorold was punctual, and so was I; and we set forth at five +o'clock, I at least was happy as it was possible to be. Warm it was, +yet; we went slowly down the road, in shadow and sunshine; tasting the +pleasantness, it seems to me, of every tree, and feeling the sweetness +of each breath; in that slight exhilaration of spirits which loses +nothing and forgets nothing. At least I have a good memory for such +times. There was a little excitement, no doubt, about going this walk +with a cadet and a stranger, which helped the whole effect.</p> + +<p>I made use of my opportunity to gain a great deal of information which +Dr. Sandford could not give. I wanted to understand the meaning and +the use of many things I saw about the Point. Batteries and +fortifications were a mysterious jumble to me; shells were a horrible +novelty; the whole art and trade of a soldier, something well worth +studying, but difficult to see as a reasonable whole. The adaptation +of parts to an end, I could perceive; the end itself puzzled me.</p> + +<p>"Yet there has always been fighting," said my companion.</p> + +<p>"Yes," I assented.</p> + +<p>"Then we must be ready for it."</p> + +<p>But I was not prepared in this case with my answer.</p> + +<p>"Suppose we were unjustly attacked?" said Mr. Thorold; and I thought +every one of the gilt buttons on his grey jacket repelled the idea of +a peaceable composition.</p> + +<p>"I don't know," said I, pondering. "Why should the rule be different +for nations and for individual people?"</p> + +<p>"What is your rule for individual people?" he asked, laugh<!-- Page 322 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_322" id="Page_322">[Pg 322]</a></span>ing, and +looking down at me, as he held the gate open. I can see the look and +the attitude now.</p> + +<p>"It is not <i>my</i> rule," I said.</p> + +<p>"<i>The</i> rule, then. What should a man do, Miss Randolph, when he is +unjustly attacked?"</p> + +<p>I felt I was on very untenable ground, talking to a soldier. If I was +right, what was the use of his grey coat, or of West Point itself? We +were mounting the little steep pitch beyond the gate, where the road +turns; and I waited till I got upon level footing. Then catching a +bright inquisitive glance of the hazel eyes, I summoned up my courage +and spoke.</p> + +<p>"I have no rule but the Bible, Mr. Thorold."</p> + +<p>"The Bible! What does the Bible say? It tells us of a great deal of +fighting."</p> + +<p>"Of bad men."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but the Jews were commanded to fight, were they not?"</p> + +<p>"To punish bad men. But we have got another rule since that."</p> + +<p>"What is it?"</p> + +<p>"If any man smite thee on the one cheek, turn to him the other also."</p> + +<p>"Is it possible you think the Bible means that literally?" he said.</p> + +<p>"Do you think it would say what it did not mean?"</p> + +<p>"But try it by the moral effect; what sort of a fellow would a man be +who did so, Miss Randolph?"</p> + +<p>"I think he would be fine!" I said; for I was thinking of One who, +"when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he +threatened not." But I could not tell all my thought to Mr. Thorold; +no more than I could to Dr. Sandford.</p> + +<p>"And would you have him stand by and see another injured?"<!-- Page 323 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_323" id="Page_323">[Pg 323]</a></span> my +companion asked. "Wouldn't you have him fight in such a case?"</p> + +<p>I had not considered that question. I was silent.</p> + +<p>"Suppose he sees wrong done; wrong that a few well-planted blows, or +shots, if you like—shots are but well-directed blows," he said, +smiling—"wrong that a few well-planted blows would prevent. Suppose +somebody were to attack you now, for instance; ought I not to fight +for it?"</p> + +<p>"I should like to have you," I said.</p> + +<p>"Come!" he said, laughing, and stretching out his hand to shake mine, +"I see you will let me keep my profession, after all. And why should +not a nation do, on a larger scale, what a man may do?"</p> + +<p>"Why it may," I said.</p> + +<p>"Then West Point is justified."</p> + +<p>"But very few wars in the world are conducted on that principle," I +said.</p> + +<p>"Very few. In fact I do not at this moment recollect the instances. +But you would allow a man, or a nation, to fight in self-defence, +would not you?"</p> + +<p>I pondered the matter. "I suppose he has a right to protect his life," +I said. "But, 'if a man smite thee on the cheek,' <i>that</i> does not +touch life."</p> + +<p>"What would you think of a man," said my companion, gravely, "who +should suffer some one to give him such a blow, without taking any +notice of it?"</p> + +<p>"If he did it because he was <i>afraid</i>," I said, "of course I shouldn't +like that. But if he did it to obey the Bible, I should think it was +noble. The Bible says, 'it is glory to pass by a transgression.'"<!-- Page 324 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_324" id="Page_324">[Pg 324]</a></span></p> + +<p>"But suppose he was afraid of being thought afraid?"</p> + +<p>I looked at my companion, and felt instinctively sure that neither +this nor my first supposed case would ever be true of him. Further, I +felt sure that no one would ever be hardy enough to give the supposed +occasion. I can hardly tell how I knew; it was by some of those +indescribable natural signs. We were slowly mounting the hill; and in +every powerful, lithe movement, in the very set of his shoulders and +head, and as well in the sparkle of the bright eye which looked round +at me, I read the tokens of a spirit which I thought neither had known +nor ever would know the sort of indignity he had described. He was +talking for talk's sake. But while I looked, the sparkle of the eye +grew very merry.</p> + +<p>"You are judging me, Miss Randolph," he said. "Judge me gently."</p> + +<p>"No, indeed," I said. "I was thinking that you are not speaking from +experience."</p> + +<p>"I am not better than you think me," he said, laughing, and shaking +his head. And the laugh was so full of merriment that it infected me. +I saw he was very much amused; I thought he was a little interested, +too. "You know," he went on, "my education has been unfavourable. I +have fought for a smaller matter than that you judge insufficient."</p> + +<p>"Did it do any good?" I asked.</p> + +<p>He laughed again: picked up a stone and threw it into the midst of a +thick tree to dislodge something—I did not see what; and finally +looked round at me with the most genial amusement and good nature +mixed. I knew he was interested now.</p> + +<p>"I don't know how much good it did to anybody but myself," he said. +"It comforted me—at the time. Afterwards I remember<!-- Page 325 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_325" id="Page_325">[Pg 325]</a></span> thinking it was +hardly worth while. But if a fellow should suffer an insult, as you +say, and not take any notice of it, what do you suppose would become +of him in the corps—or in the world either?"</p> + +<p>"He would be a noble man, all the same," I said.</p> + +<p>"But people like to be well thought of by their friends and society."</p> + +<p>"I know that."</p> + +<p>"He would be sent to Coventry unmitigatedly."</p> + +<p>"I cannot help it, Mr. Thorold," I said. "If anybody does wrong +because he is afraid of the consequences of doing right, he is another +sort of a coward—that is all."</p> + +<p>Mr. Thorold laughed, and catching my hand as we came to a turn in the +road where the woods fell away right and left, brought me quick round +the angle, without letting me go to the edge of the bank to get the +view.</p> + +<p>"You must not look till you get to the top," he said.</p> + +<p>"What an odd road!" I remarked. "It just goes by zigzags."</p> + +<p>"The only way to get up at all, without travelling round the hill. +That is, for horses."</p> + +<p>It was steep enough for foot wayfarers, but the road was exceeding +comfortable that day. We were under the shade of trees all the way; +and talk never lagged. Mr. Thorold was infinitely pleasant to me; as +well as unlike any one of all my former acquaintances. There was a +wealth of life in him that delighted my quieter nature; an amount of +animal spirits that were just a constant little impetus to me; and +from the first I got an impression of strength, such as weakness loves +to have near. Bodily strength he had also, in perfection; but I mean +now the firm, self-reliant nature, quick at resources, ready to act as +to<!-- Page 326 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_326" id="Page_326">[Pg 326]</a></span> decide, and full of the power that has its spring and magazine in +character alone. So, enjoying each other, we went slowly up the +zigzags of the hill, very steep in places, and very rough to the foot; +but the last pitch was smoother, and there the grey old bulwarks of +the ruined fortification faced down upon us, just above.</p> + +<p>"Now," said Mr. Thorold, coming on the outside of me to prevent it, +"don't look!"—and we turned into the entrance of the fort, between +two outstanding walls. Going through, we hurried up a little steep +rise, till we got to a smooth spread of grass, sloping gently to a +level with the top of the wall. Where this slope reached its highest, +where the parapet (as Mr. Thorold called it) commanded a clear view +from the eastern side, there he brought me, and then permitted me to +stand still. I do not know how long I stood quite still without +speaking.</p> + +<p>"Will you sit down?" said my companion; and I found he had spread a +pocket-handkerchief on the bank for me. The turf in that place was +about eighteen inches higher than the top of the wall, making a very +convenient seat. I thought of Queen Elizabeth and Sir Walter Raleigh; +but I also thought the most queenly thing I could do was to take the +offered civility, and I sat down. My eyes were bewildered with the +beauty; they turned from one point to another with a sort of +wondering, insatiable enjoyment. There, beneath our feet, lay the +little level green plain; its roads and trees all before us as in a +map, with the lines of building enclosing it on the south and west. A +cart and oxen were slowly travelling across the road between the +library and the hotel, looking like minute ants dragging a crumb +along. Beyond them was the stretch of brown earth, where the cavalry +exercises forbade a blade of grass to show itself. And<!-- Page 327 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_327" id="Page_327">[Pg 327]</a></span> beyond that, +at the farther edge of the plain, the little white camp; its straight +rows of tents and the alleys between all clearly marked out. Round all +this the river curved, making a promontory of it; a promontory with +fringed banks, and levelled at top, as it seemed, just to receive the +Military Academy. On the other side the river, a long sweep of gentle +hills, coloured in the fair colours of the evening; curving towards +the north-east into a beautiful circle of soft outlines back of the +mountain which rose steep and bold at the water's edge. This mountain +was the first of the group I had seen from my hotel window. Houses and +churches nestled in the curve of tableland, under the mountain. Due +north, the parapet of the fort rising sharply at its northern angle a +few feet from where I sat, hindered my full view. Southerly, the hills +swept down, marking the course of the river for many a mile; but again +from where I sat I could not see how far. With a sigh of pleasure my +eye came back to the plain and the white tents.</p> + +<p>"Is guard duty very disagreeable?" I asked, thinking of Preston's talk +in the morning.</p> + +<p>"Why at mid-day, with the thermometer at 90°, it is not exactly the +amusement one would choose," said Mr. Thorold. "I like it at night +well enough."</p> + +<p>"What do you do?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing, but walk up and down, two hours at a time."</p> + +<p>"What is the use of it?"</p> + +<p>"To keep order, and make sure that nothing goes in or out that has no +business to do it."</p> + +<p>"And they have to carry their guns," I said.</p> + +<p>"Their muskets—yes."</p> + +<p>"Are they very heavy?"<!-- Page 328 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_328" id="Page_328">[Pg 328]</a></span></p> + +<p>"No. Pretty heavy for an arm that is new to it. I never remember I +have mine."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Caxton said," (Mr. Caxton was the cadet who had introduced Mr. +Thorold to me)—"Mr. Caxton told Mrs. Sandford that the new cadets are +sometimes so exhausted with their tour of duty that they have to be +carried off the ground."</p> + +<p>Mr. Thorold looked at me, a very keen bright look of his hazel eyes; +but he said nothing.</p> + +<p>"And he said that the little white boxes at the corners of the camp, +were monuments to those who had fallen on duty."</p> + +<p>"Just four of them!" said Mr. Thorold, settling his cap down over his +brows; but then he laughed, and I laughed; how we laughed!</p> + +<p>"Don't you want to see the rest of it?" he said, jumping up. I did not +know there was anything more to see. Now however he brought me up on +the high angle of the parapet that had intercepted my view to the +north. I could hardly get away from there. The full magnificence of +the mountains in that quarter; the river's course between them, the +blue hills of the distant Shawangunk range, and the woody chasm +immediately at my feet, stretching from the height where I stood over +to the crest of the Crow's Nest; it took away my breath. I sat down +again, while Mr. Thorold pointed out localities; and did not move, +till I had to make way for another party of visitors who were coming. +Then Mr. Thorold took me all round the edge of the fort. At the south, +we looked down into the woody gorge where Dr. Sandford and I had +hunted for fossil infusoria. From here the long channel of the river +running southernly, with its bordering ridge of hills, and above all, +the wealth and glory of the woodland and the unheaved rocks before me, +were almost as good as<!-- Page 329 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_329" id="Page_329">[Pg 329]</a></span> the eastern view. The path along the parapet +in places was narrow and dizzy; but I did not care for it, and my +companion went like a chamois. He helped me over the hard places; hand +in hand we ran down the steep slopes; and as we went we got very well +acquainted. At last we climbed up the crumbling masonry to a small +platform which commanded the view both east and south.</p> + +<p>"What is this place for?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"To plant guns on."</p> + +<p>"They could not reach to the river, could they?"</p> + +<p>"Much further—the guns of nowadays."</p> + +<p>"And the old vaults under here—I saw them as we passed by,—were they +prisons, places for prisoners?"</p> + +<p>"A sort of involuntary prisoners," said Mr. Thorold. "They are only +casemates; prisons for our own men occasionally, when shot and shell +might be flying too thick; hiding-places, in short. Would you like to +go to the laboratory some day, where we learn to make different kinds +of shot, and fire-works and such things?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, very much! But, Mr. Thorold, Mr. Caxton told me that André was +confined in one of these places under here; he said his name was +written upon the stones in a dark corner, and that I would find it."</p> + +<p>Mr. Thorold looked at me, with an expression of such contained fun +that I understood it at once; and we had another laugh together. I +began to wonder whether every one that wore a uniform of grey and +white with gilt buttons made it his amusement to play upon the +ignorance of uninitiated people; but on reflection I could not think +Mr. Thorold had done so. I resolved to be careful how I trusted the +rest of the cadets, even Preston;<!-- Page 330 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_330" id="Page_330">[Pg 330]</a></span> and indeed my companion remarked +that I had better not believe anything I heard without asking him. We +ran down and inspected the casemates; and then took our seats again +for one last look on the eastern parapet. The river and hills were +growing lovely in cooler lights; shadow was stealing over the plain.</p> + +<p>"Shall I see you to-morrow evening?" my companion asked suddenly.</p> + +<p>"To-morrow evening?" I said. "I don't know. I suppose we shall be at +home."</p> + +<p>"Then I shall <i>not</i> see you. I meant, at the hop."</p> + +<p>"The hop?" I repeated. "What is that?"</p> + +<p>"The cadets' hop. During the encampment we have a hop three times a +week—a cotillion party. I hope you will be there. Haven't you +received an invitation?"</p> + +<p>"I think not," I said. "I have heard nothing about it."</p> + +<p>"I will see that that is set right," Mr. Thorold remarked. "And now, +do you know we must go down?—that is, <i>I</i> must; and I do not think I +can leave you here."</p> + +<p>"Oh, you have to be on parade!" I exclaimed, starting up; "and it is +almost time!"</p> + +<p>It was indeed, and though my companion put his own concerns in the +background very politely, I would be hurried. We ran down the hill, +Mr. Thorold's hand helping me over the rough way and securing me from +stumbling. In very few minutes we were again at the gate and entered +upon the post limits. And there were the band, in dark column, just +coming up from below the hill.</p> + +<p>We walked the rest of the way in orderly fashion enough, till we got +to the hotel gate; there Mr. Thorold touched his cap and<!-- Page 331 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_331" id="Page_331">[Pg 331]</a></span> left me, on +a run, for the camp. I watched till I saw he got there in time, and +then went slowly in; feeling that a great piece of pleasure was over.</p> + +<p>I had had a great many pieces of pleasure in my life, but rarely a +<i>companion</i>. Dr. Sandford, Miss Cardigan, my dear Capt. Drummond, were +all much in advance of my own age; my servants were my servants, at +Magnolia; and Preston had never associated with me on just the footing +of equality. I went upstairs thinking that I should like to see a +great deal more of Mr. Thorold.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Sandford was on the piazza when I came down, and alone; everybody +was gone to parade. She gave me a little billet.</p> + +<p>"Well, my dear Daisy!—are you walked to death? Certainly, West Point +agrees with you! What a colour! And what a change! You are not the +same creature that we brought away from New York. Well, was it worth +going for, all the way to see that old ruin? My dear! I wish your +father and mother could see you."</p> + +<p>I stood still, wishing they could.</p> + +<p>"There is more pleasure for you," Mrs. Sandford went on.</p> + +<p>"What is this, ma'am?"</p> + +<p>"An invitation. The cadets have little parties for dancing, it seems, +three times a week, in summer; poor fellows! it is all the recreation +they get, I suspect; and of course, they want all the ladies that can +be drummed up, to help them to dance. It's quite a charity, they tell +me. I expect I shall have to dance myself."</p> + +<p>I looked at the note, and stood mute, thinking what I should do. Ever +since Mr. Thorold had mentioned it, up on the hill, the question had +been recurring to me. I had never been to a party in my life, since my +childish days at Melbourne. Aunt<!-- Page 332 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_332" id="Page_332">[Pg 332]</a></span> Gary's parties at Magnolia had been +of a different kind from this; not assemblies of young people. At Mme. +Ricard's I had taken dancing lessons, at my mother's order; and in her +drawing room I had danced quadrilles and waltzes with my +schoolfellows; but Mme. Ricard was very particular, and nobody else +was ever admitted. I hardly knew what it was to which I was now +invited. To dance with the cadets! I knew only three of them; however, +I supposed that I might dance with those three. I had an impression +that amusements of this kind were rather found in the houses of the +gay than the sober-minded; but this was peculiar, to help the cadets' +dance, Mrs. Sandford said. I thought Mr. Thorold wished I would come. +I wondered Preston had not mentioned it. He, I knew, was very fond of +dancing. I mused till the people came back from parade and we were +called to tea; but all my musings went no further. I did not decide +<i>not</i> to go.</p> + +<p>"Now, Daisy," said Mrs. Sandford the next morning, "if you are going +to the hop to-night, I don't intend to have you out in the sun burning +yourself up. It will be terribly hot; and you must keep quiet. I am so +thankful Grant is away! he would have you all through the woods, +hunting for nobody knows what, and bringing you home scorched."</p> + +<p>"Dear Mrs. Sandford," I said, "I can dance just as well, if I <i>am</i> +burnt."</p> + +<p>"That's a delusion, Daisy. You are a woman, after all, my dear—or you +will be; and you may as well submit to the responsibility. And you may +not know it, but you have a wonderfully fine skin, my dear; it always +puts me in mind of fresh cream."</p> + +<p>"Cream is yellow," I said.<!-- Page 333 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_333" id="Page_333">[Pg 333]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Not all the cream that ever <i>I</i> saw," said Mrs. Sandford. "Daisy, you +need not laugh. You will be a queen, my dear, when you cease to be a +child. What are you going to wear to-night?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know, ma'am; anything cool, I suppose."</p> + +<p>"It won't matter much," Mrs. Sandford repeated.</p> + +<p>But yet I found she cared, and it did matter, when it came to the +dressing-time. However she was satisfied with one of the embroidered +muslins my mother had sent me from Paris.</p> + +<p>I think I see myself now, seated in the omnibus and trundling over the +plain to the cadets' dancing-rooms. The very hot, still July night +seems round me again. Lights were twinkling in the camp, and across +the plain in the houses of the professors and officers; lights above +in the sky too, myriads of them, mocking the tapers that go out so +soon. I was happy with a little flutter of expectation; quietly +enjoying meanwhile the novel loveliness of all about me, along with +the old familiar beauty of the abiding stars and dark blue sky. It was +a five minutes of great enjoyment. But all natural beauty vanished +from my thoughts when the omnibus drew up at the door of the Academic +Building. I was entering on something untried.</p> + +<p>At first sight, when we went into the room, it burst upon me that it was +very pretty. The room was dressed with flags,—and evergreens,—and with +uniforms; and undoubtedly there is charm in colour, and a gilt button +and a gold strap do light up the otherwise sombre and heavy figures of +our Western masculine costume. The white and rosy and blue draperies +and scarfs that were floating around the forms of the ladies, were met +and set off by the grey and white of the cadets and the heavier dark +blue of the officers. I never anywhere else saw so pretty gatherings. +I stood quite enchanted with the pleasure of the<!-- Page 334 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_334" id="Page_334">[Pg 334]</a></span> eye; till to my startled +astonishment, Capt. Percival came up and asked me to dance with him. I +had not expected to dance with anybody except Preston, and Mr. Thorold, +and perhaps Mr. Caxton. Mr. Thorold came up before the dance began, and +I presented him to Mrs. Sandford. He asked me for the first dance, then +for the second. And there was no more time for anything, for the dancing +began.</p> + +<p>I had always liked dancing at school. Here the music was far better +and the scene infinitely prettier; it was very pleasant, I thought. +That is, when Capt. Percival did not talk; for he talked nothings. I +did not know how to answer him. Of course it had been very hot to-day; +and the rooms were very full; and there were a good many people at the +hotel. I had nothing but an insipid affirmative to give to these +propositions. Then said Capt. Percival insinuatingly—</p> + +<p>"You are from the South?"</p> + +<p>I had nothing but an insipid assent again.</p> + +<p>"I was sure of it," he said. "I could not be mistaken."</p> + +<p>I wondered how he knew, but it did not suit me to ask him; and we +danced on again till the dance came to an end. I was glad when it did. +In a minute more I was standing by Mrs. Sandford and introduced to +Capt. Boulanger, who also asked me to dance, and engaged me for the +next but one; and then Mr. Caxton brought up one of his brother cadets +and presented him, and <i>he</i> asked me, and looked disappointed when for +both the next dances I was obliged to refuse him. I was quite glad +when Mr. Thorold came and carried me off. The second quadrille went +better than the first; and I was enjoying myself unfeignedly, when in +a pause of the dance I remarked to my partner that there seemed to be +plenty of ladies here to-night.<!-- Page 335 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_335" id="Page_335">[Pg 335]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Plenty," he said. "It is very kind of them. What then?"</p> + +<p>"Only—" I said—"so many people came and asked me to dance in the few +minutes I stood by Mrs. Sandford, and one of them looked quite +disappointed that he could not have me."</p> + +<p>I was met by a look of the keenest inquiry, followed instantly and +superseded by another flash of expression. I could not comprehend it +at the time. The eyes, which had startled me by their steely gleam, +softened wonderfully with what looked like nothing so much as +reverence, along with some other expression which I could neither read +at the moment nor fathom afterwards.</p> + +<p>Both looks were gone before I could ask him what they meant, or +perhaps I should have asked; for I was beginning to feel very much at +my ease with Mr. Thorold. I trusted him.</p> + +<p>"Did he want you for this dance?" was all he said.</p> + +<p>"For this, and for the next," I answered.</p> + +<p>"Both gone! Well, may I have the third, and so disappoint somebody +else?" he said, laughing.</p> + +<p>If I did not talk much with Mr. Thorold in intervals of dancing, at +least we did not talk nonsense. In the next pause he remarked that he +saw I was fond of this amusement.</p> + +<p>"I think I like everything," I told him.</p> + +<p>"Are the hills better than this?" he whispered.</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes!" I said. "Don't you think so?"</p> + +<p>He smiled, and said "truly he did." "You have been over the Flirtation +walk, of course?" he added.</p> + +<p>"I do not know which it is."</p> + +<p>He smiled again, that quick illuminating smile, which seemed to +sparkle in his hazel eyes; and nodded his head a little.</p> + +<p>"I had the pleasure to see you there, very early one morning."<!-- Page 336 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_336" id="Page_336">[Pg 336]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Oh, is that it?" I said. "I have been down that way from the hotel +very often."</p> + +<p>"That way leads to it. You were upon it, where you were sitting. You +have not been through it yet? May I show it to you some day? +To-morrow?"</p> + +<p>I agreed joyfully; and then asked who were certain of the cadets whom +I saw about the room, with rosettes of ribbon and long streamers on +the breast of their grey coats?</p> + +<p>"Those are the Managers," said my companion. "You will see enough of +them. It is their duty to introduce poor fellows who want partners."</p> + +<p>I did not see much of them, however, that evening. As soon as I was +released from that dance, Capt. Percival brought up Capt. Lascelles; +and somebody else, Mr. Sandford, I believe, introduced Lt. Vaux, and +Major Fairbairn; and Major Pitt was another, I believe. And Col. +Walruss brought up his son, who was in the corps of cadets. They all +wanted to dance with me; so it was lucky Mr. Thorold had secured his +second dance, or I could not have given it to him. I went over and +over again the same succession of topics, in the intervals of standing +still. How the day had been warm, and the evening kept up its +character; the hotels were full now; the cadets well off to have so +many ladies; dancing a pleasant pastime, and West Point a nice place. +I got so accustomed to the remarks I might expect, that my mouth was +ready with an assenting "yes" before the speaker began. But the +talking was a small part of the business, after all; and the evening +went merrily for me, till on a sudden a shrill piercing summons of +drum and fife, rolling as it were into our very ears, put a stop to +proceedings. Midway in the movement the dancers stopped; there was a +hurried bow and<!-- Page 337 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_337" id="Page_337">[Pg 337]</a></span> curtsey, and an instant scattering of all the +grey-coated part of the assembly. The "hop" was over. We went home in +the warm moonlight, I thinking that I had had a very nice time, and +glad that Mr. Thorold was coming to take me to walk to-morrow.<!-- Page 338 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_338" id="Page_338">[Pg 338]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVI" id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.</h2> + +<h3>HOPS.</h3> + +<p class="cap">THE afternoon was very sultry; however, Mr. Thorold came, and we went +for our walk. It was so sultry we went very leisurely and also met few +people; and instead of looking very carefully at the beauties of +nature and art we had come to see, we got into a great talk as we +strolled along; indeed, sometimes we stopped and sat down to talk. Mr. +Thorold told me about himself, or rather, about his home in Vermont +and his old life there. He had no mother, and no brothers nor sisters; +only his father. And he described to me the hills of his native +country, and the farm his father cultivated, and the people, and the +life on the mountains. Strong and free and fresh and independent and +intelligent—that was the impression his talk made upon me, of the +country and people and life alike. Sometimes my thoughts took a +private turn of their own, branching off.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Thorold," said I, "do you know Mr. Davis of Mississippi?"</p> + +<p>"Davis? No, I don't know him," he said shortly.<!-- Page 339 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_339" id="Page_339">[Pg 339]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You have seen him?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I have seen him often enough; and his wife, too."</p> + +<p>"Do you like his looks?"</p> + +<p>"I do not."</p> + +<p>"He looks to me like a bad man—" I said slowly. I said it to Mr. +Thorold; I would hardly have made the remark to another at West Point.</p> + +<p>"He is about bad business—" was my companion's answer. "And yet I do +not know what he is about; but I distrust the man."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Thorold," said I, beginning cautiously, "do you want to have +slavery go into the territories?"</p> + +<p>"No!" said he. "Do you?"</p> + +<p>"No. What do you think would happen if a Northern President should be +elected in the fall?"</p> + +<p>"Then slavery would <i>not</i> go into the territories," he said, looking a +little surprised at me. "The question would be settled."</p> + +<p>"But do you know some people say—some people at the South say—that +if a Northern President is elected, the Southern States will not +submit to him?"</p> + +<p>"Some people talk a great deal of nonsense," said Mr. Thorold. "How +could they help submitting?"</p> + +<p>"They say—it is said—that they would break off from the North and +set up for themselves. It is not foolish people that say it, Mr. +Thorold."</p> + +<p>"Will you pardon me, Miss Randolph, but I think they would be very +foolish people that would do it."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I think so too," I said. "I mean, that some people who are not +foolish believe that it might happen."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps," said Mr. Thorold. "I never heard anything of<!-- Page 340 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_340" id="Page_340">[Pg 340]</a></span> it before. +You are from the South yourself, Miss Randolph?" he added, looking at +me.</p> + +<p>"I was born there," I said. And a little silence fell between us. I +was thinking. Some impression, got I suppose from my remembrance of +father and mother, Preston, and others whom I had known, forbade me to +dismiss quite so lightly, as too absurd to be true, the rumour I had +heard. Moreover, I trusted Dr. Sandford's sources of information, +living as he did in habits of close social intercourse with men of +influence and position at Washington, both Southern and Northern.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Thorold,"—I broke the silence,—"if the South should do such a +thing, what would happen?"</p> + +<p>"There would be trouble," he said.</p> + +<p>"What sort of trouble?"</p> + +<p>"Might be all sorts," said Mr. Thorold, laughing; "it would depend on +how far people's folly would carry them."</p> + +<p>"But suppose the Southern States should just do that;—say they would +break off and govern themselves?"</p> + +<p>"They would be like a bad boy that has to be made to take medicine."</p> + +<p>"How could you <i>make</i> them?" I asked, feeling unreasonably grave about +the question.</p> + +<p>"You can see, Miss Randolph, that such a thing could not be permitted. +A government that would let any part of its subjects break away at +their pleasure from its rule, would deserve to go to pieces. If one +part might go, another part might go. There would be no nation left."</p> + +<p>"But how could you <i>help</i> it?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"I don't know whether we could help it," he said; "but we would try."<!-- Page 341 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_341" id="Page_341">[Pg 341]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You do not mean that it would come to <i>fighting</i>?"</p> + +<p>"I do not think they would be such fools. I hope we are supposing a +very unlikely thing, Miss Randolph."</p> + +<p>I hoped so. But that impression of Southern character troubled me yet. +Fighting! I looked at the peaceful hills, feeling as if indeed "all +the foundations of the earth" would be "out of course."</p> + +<p>"What would <i>you</i> do in case it came to fighting?" said my neighbour. +The words startled me out of my meditations.</p> + +<p>"I could not do anything."</p> + +<p>"I beg your pardon. Your favour—your countenance, would do much; on +one side or the other. You would fight—in effect—as surely as I +should."</p> + +<p>I looked up. "Not against you," I said; for I could not bear to be +misunderstood.</p> + +<p>There was a strange sparkle in Mr. Thorold's eye; but those flashes of +light came and went so like flashes, that I could not always tell what +they meant. The tone of his voice, however, I knew expressed pleasure.</p> + +<p>"How comes that?" he said. "You <i>are</i> Southern?"</p> + +<p>"Do I look it?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Pardon me—yes."</p> + +<p>"How, Mr. Thorold?"</p> + +<p>"You must excuse me. I cannot tell you. But you <i>are</i> South?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," I said. "At least, all my friends are Southern. I was born +there."</p> + +<p>"You have <i>one</i> Northern friend," said Mr. Thorold, as we rose up to +go on. He said it with meaning. I looked up and smiled. There was a +smile in his eyes, mixed with something<!-- Page 342 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_342" id="Page_342">[Pg 342]</a></span> more. I think our compact of +friendship was made and settled then and at once.</p> + +<p>He stretched out his hand, as if for a further ratification. I put +mine in it, while he went on,—"How comes it, then, that you take such +a view of such a question?"</p> + +<p>There had sprung up a new tone in our intercourse, of more +familiarity, and more intimate trust. It gave infinite content to me; +and I went on to answer, telling him about my Northern life. Drawn on, +from question to question, I detailed at length my Southern experience +also, and put my new friend in possession not only of my opinions, but +of the training under which they had been formed. My hand, I remember, +remained in his while I talked, as if he had been my brother; till he +suddenly put it down and plunged into the bushes for a bunch of wild +roses. A party of walkers came round an angle a moment after; and +waking up to a consciousness of our surroundings, we found, or <i>I</i> +did, that we were just at the end of the rocky walk, where we must +mount up and take to the plain.</p> + +<p>The evening was falling very fair over plain and hill when we got to +the upper level. Mr. Thorold proposed that I should go and see the +camp, which I liked very much to do. So he took me all through it, and +showed and explained all sorts of things about the tents and the +manner of life they lived in them. He said he should like it very +much, if he only had more room; but three or four in one little tent +nine feet by nine, gave hardly, as he said, "a chance to a fellow." +The tents and the camp alleys were full of cadets, loitering about, or +talking, or busy with their accoutrements; here and there I saw an +officer. Captain Percival bowed, Captain Lascelles spoke. I looked for +Preston, but I could see him nowhere. Then Mr. Thorold brought me<!-- Page 343 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_343" id="Page_343">[Pg 343]</a></span> +into his own tent, introduced one or two cadets who were loitering +there, and who immediately took themselves away; and made me sit down +on what he called a "locker." The tent curtains were rolled tight up, +as far as they would go, and so were the curtains of every other tent; +most beautiful order prevailed everywhere and over every trifling +detail.</p> + +<p>"Well," said Mr. Thorold, sitting down opposite me on a +candle-box—"how do you think you would like camp life?"</p> + +<p>"The tents are too close together," I said.</p> + +<p>He laughed, with a good deal of amusement.</p> + +<p>"That will do!" he said. "You begin by knocking the camp to pieces."</p> + +<p>"But it is beautiful," I went on.</p> + +<p>"And not comfortable. Well, it is pretty comfortable," he said.</p> + +<p>"How do you do when it storms very hard—at night?"</p> + +<p>"Sleep."</p> + +<p>"Don't you ever get wet?"</p> + +<p>"<i>That</i> makes no difference."</p> + +<p>"Sleep in the rain!" said I. And he laughed again at me. It was not +banter. The whole look and air of the man testified to a thorough +soldierly, manly contempt of little things—of all things that might +come in the way of order and his duty. An intrinsic independence and +withal control of circumstances, in so far as the mind can control +them. I read the power to do it. But I wondered to myself if he never +got homesick in that little tent and full camp. It would not do to +touch the question.</p> + +<p>"Do you know Preston Gary?" I asked. "He is a cadet."</p> + +<p>"I know him."</p> + +<p>I thought the tone of the words, careless as they were, signified +little value for the knowledge.<!-- Page 344 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_344" id="Page_344">[Pg 344]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I have not seen him anywhere," I remarked.</p> + +<p>"Do you want to see him? He has seen you."</p> + +<p>"No, he cannot," I said, "or he would have come to speak to me."</p> + +<p>"He would if he could," replied Mr. Thorold—"no doubt; but the +liberty is wanting. He is on guard. We crossed his path as we came +into the camp."</p> + +<p>"On guard!" I said. "Is he? Why, he was on guard only a day or two +ago. Does it come so often?"</p> + +<p>"It comes pretty often in Gary's case," said my companion.</p> + +<p>"Does it?" I said. "He does not like it."</p> + +<p>"No," said Mr. Thorold, merrily. "It is not a favourite amusement in +most cases."</p> + +<p>"Then why does he have so much of it?"</p> + +<p>"Gary is not fond of discipline."</p> + +<p>I guessed this might be true. I knew enough of Preston for that. But +it startled me.</p> + +<p>"Does he not obey the regulations?" I asked presently, in a lowered +tone.</p> + +<p>Mr. Thorold smiled. "He is a friend of yours, Miss Randolph?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," I said; "he is my mother's nephew."</p> + +<p>"Then he is your cousin?" said my companion. Another of those +penetrative glances fell on me. They were peculiar; they flashed upon +me, or through me, as keen and clear as the flash of a sabre in the +sun; and out of eyes in which a sunlight of merriment or benignity was +even then glowing. Both glowed upon me just at this moment, so I did +not mind the keen investigation. Indeed, I never minded it. I learned +to know it as one of Mr. Thorold's peculiarities. Now, Dr. Sandford +had a<!-- Page 345 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_345" id="Page_345">[Pg 345]</a></span> good eye for reading people, but it never flashed, unless under +strong excitement. Mr. Thorold's were dancing and flashing and +sparkling with fifty things by turns; their fund of amusement and +power of observation were the first things that struck me, and they +attracted me too.</p> + +<p>"Then he is your cousin?"</p> + +<p>"Of course, he is my cousin."</p> + +<p>I thought Mr. Thorold seemed a little bit grave and silent for a +moment; then he rose up, with that benign look of his eyes glowing all +over me, and told me there was the drum for parade. "Only the first +drum," he added; so I need not be in a hurry. Would I go home before +parade?</p> + +<p>I thought I would. If Preston was pacing up and down the side of the +camp ground, I thought I did not want to see him nor to have him see +me, as he was there for what I called disgrace. Moreover, I had a +secret presentiment of a breezy discussion with him the next time +there was a chance.</p> + +<p>And I was not disappointed. The next day in the afternoon he came to +see us. Mrs. Sandford and I were sitting on the piazza, where the heat +of an excessive sultry day was now relieved a little by a slender +breeze coming out of the north-west. It was very hot still. Preston +sat down and made conversation in an abstracted way for a little +while.</p> + +<p>"We did not see you at the hop the other night, Mr. Gary," Mrs. +Sandford remarked.</p> + +<p>"No. Were you there?" said Preston.</p> + +<p>"Everybody was there—except you."</p> + +<p>"And Daisy? Were <i>you</i> there, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly," Mrs. Sandford responded. "Everybody else could have been +better missed."<!-- Page 346 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_346" id="Page_346">[Pg 346]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I did not know you went there," said Preston, in something so like a +growl that Mrs. Sandford lifted her eyes to look at him.</p> + +<p>"I do not wonder you are jealous," she said composedly.</p> + +<p>"Jealous!" said Preston, with growl the second.</p> + +<p>"You had more reason than you knew."</p> + +<p>Preston grumbled something about the hops being "stupid places." I +kept carefully still.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, did <i>you</i> go?"</p> + +<p>I looked up and said yes.</p> + +<p>"Whom did you dance with?"</p> + +<p>"With everybody," said Mrs. Sandford. "That is, so far as the length +of the evening made it possible. Blue and grey, and all colours."</p> + +<p>"I don't want you to dance with everybody," said Preston, in a more +undertone growl.</p> + +<p>"There is no way to prevent it," said Mrs. Sandford, "but to be there +and ask her yourself."</p> + +<p>I did not thank Mrs. Sandford privately for this suggestion; which +Preston immediately followed up by inquiring "if we were going to the +hop to-night?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly," Mrs. Sandford said.</p> + +<p>"It's too confounded hot!"</p> + +<p>"Not for us who are accustomed to the climate," Mrs. Sandford said, +with spirit.</p> + +<p>"It's a bore altogether," muttered Preston. "Daisy, are you going +to-night?"</p> + +<p>"I suppose so."</p> + +<p>"Well, if you must go, you may as well dance with me as with anybody. +So tell anybody else that you are engaged. I will take care of you."<!-- Page 347 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_347" id="Page_347">[Pg 347]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Don't you wish to dance with anybody except me?"</p> + +<p>"I do not," said Preston, slowly. "As I said, it is too hot. I +consider the whole thing a bore."</p> + +<p>"You shall not be bored for me," I said. "I refuse to dance with you. +I hope I shall not see you there at all."</p> + +<p>"Daisy!"</p> + +<p>"Well?"</p> + +<p>"Come down and take a little walk with me."</p> + +<p>"You said it is too hot."</p> + +<p>"But you will dance?"</p> + +<p>"You will not dance."</p> + +<p>"I want to speak to you, Daisy."</p> + +<p>"You may speak," I said. I did not want to hear him, for there were no +indications of anything agreeable in Preston's manner.</p> + +<p>"Daisy!" he said, "I do not know you."</p> + +<p>"You used to know her," said Mrs. Sandford; "that is all."</p> + +<p>"Will you come and walk with me?" said Preston, almost angrily.</p> + +<p>"I do not think it would be pleasant," I said.</p> + +<p>"You were walking yesterday afternoon."</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"Come and walk up and down the piazza, anyhow. You can do that."</p> + +<p>I could, and did not refuse. He chose the sunny western side, because +no one was there. However, the sun's rays were obscured under a thick +haze and had been all day.</p> + +<p>"Whom were you with?" Preston inquired, as soon as we were out of +earshot.</p> + +<p>"Do you mean yesterday?"<!-- Page 348 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_348" id="Page_348">[Pg 348]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Of course I mean yesterday! I saw you cross into the camp With whom +were you going there?"</p> + +<p>"Why did you not come to speak to me?" I said.</p> + +<p>"I was on duty. I could not."</p> + +<p>"I did not see you anywhere."</p> + +<p>"I was on guard. You crossed my path not ten feet off."</p> + +<p>"Then you must know whom I was with, Preston," I said, looking at him.</p> + +<p>"<i>You</i> don't know—that is the thing. It was that fellow Thorold."</p> + +<p>"How came you to be on guard again so soon? You were on guard just a +day or two before."</p> + +<p>"That is all right enough. It is about military things that you do not +understand. It is all right enough, except these confounded Yankees. +And Thorold is another."</p> + +<p>"Who is <i>one</i>!" I said, laughing. "You say he is <i>another</i>."</p> + +<p>"Blunt is one."</p> + +<p>"I like Major Blunt."</p> + +<p>"Daisy," said Preston, stopping short, "you ought to be with your +mother. There is nobody to take care of you here. How came you to know +that Thorold?"</p> + +<p>"He was introduced to me. What is the matter with him?"</p> + +<p>"You ought not to be going about with him. He is a regular Yankee, I +tell you."</p> + +<p>"What does that mean?" I said. "You speak it as if you meant something +very objectionable."</p> + +<p>"I do. They are a cowardly set of tailors. They have no idea what a +gentleman means, not one of them, unless they have caught the idea +from a Southerner. I don't want you to have anything to do with them, +Daisy. You <i>must</i> not dance with<!-- Page 349 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_349" id="Page_349">[Pg 349]</a></span> them, and you must not be seen with +this Thorold. Promise me you will not."</p> + +<p>"Dr. Sandford is another," I said.</p> + +<p>"I can't help Dr. Sandford. He is your guardian. You must not go again +with Thorold!"</p> + +<p>"Did you ever know <i>him</i> cowardly?" I asked.</p> + +<p>I was sure that Preston coloured; whether with any feeling beside +anger I could not make out; but the anger was certain.</p> + +<p>"What do you know about it?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"What do you?" I rejoined. But Preston changed more and more.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, promise me you will not have anything to do with these +fellows. You are too good to dance with them. There are plenty of +Southern people here now, and lots of Southern cadets."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Caxton is one," I said. "I don't like him."</p> + +<p>"He is of an excellent Georgia family," said Preston.</p> + +<p>"I cannot help that. He is neither gentlemanly in his habits nor true +in his speech."</p> + +<p>Preston hereupon broke out into an untempered abuse of Northern things +in general, and Northern cadets in particular, mingled with a +repetition of his demands upon me. At length I turned from him.</p> + +<p>"This is very tiresome, Preston," I said; "and this side of the house +is very warm. Of course, I must dance with whoever asks me."</p> + +<p>"Well, I have asked you for this evening," he said, following me.</p> + +<p>"You are not to go," I said. "I shall not dance with you once," and I +took my former place by Mrs. Sandford. Preston fumed; declared that I +was just like a piece of marble; and went away. I did not feel quite +so impassive as he said I looked.<!-- Page 350 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_350" id="Page_350">[Pg 350]</a></span></p> + +<p>"What are you going to wear to-night, Daisy?" Mrs. Sandford asked +presently.</p> + +<p>"I do not know, ma'am."</p> + +<p>"But you must know soon, my dear. Have you agreed to give your cousin +half the evening?"</p> + +<p>"No, ma'am—I could not; I am engaged for every dance, and more."</p> + +<p>"More!" said Mrs. Sandford.</p> + +<p>"Yes, ma'am—for the next time."</p> + +<p>"Preston has reason!" she said, laughing. "But I think, Daisy, Grant +will be the most jealous of all. Do him good. What will become of his +sciences and his microscope now?"</p> + +<p>"Why, I shall be just as ready for them," I said.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Sandford shook her head. "You will find the hops will take more +than that," she said. "But now, Daisy, think what you will wear; for +we must go soon and get ready."</p> + +<p>I did not want to think about it. I expected, of course, to put on the +same dress I had worn the last time. But Mrs. Sandford objected very +strongly.</p> + +<p>"You must not wear the same thing twice running," she said, "not if +you can help it."</p> + +<p>I could not imagine why not.</p> + +<p>"It is quite nice enough," I urged. "It is scarcely the least tumbled +in the world."</p> + +<p>"People will think you have not another, my dear."</p> + +<p>"What matter would that be?" I said, wholly puzzled.</p> + +<p>"Now, my dear Daisy!" said Mrs. Sandford, half laughing—"you are the +veriest Daisy in the world, and do not understand the world that you +grow in. No matter; just oblige me, and put on something else +to-night. What have you got?"<!-- Page 351 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_351" id="Page_351">[Pg 351]</a></span></p> + +<p>I had other dresses like the rejected one. I had another still, white +like them, but the make and quality were different. I hardly knew what +it was, for I had never worn it; to please Mrs. Sandford I took it out +now. She was pleased. It was like the rest, out of the store my mother +had sent me; a soft India muslin, of beautiful texture, made and +trimmed as my mother and a Parisian artist could manage between them. +But no Parisian artist could know better than my mother how a thing +should be.</p> + +<p>"That will do!" said Mrs. Sandford approvingly. "Dear me, what lace +you Southern ladies do wear, to be sure! A blue sash, now, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"No, ma'am, I think not."</p> + +<p>"Rose? It must be blue or rose."</p> + +<p>But I thought differently, and kept it white.</p> + +<p>"<i>No</i> colour?" said Mrs. Sandford. "None at all. Then let me just put +this little bit of green in your hair."</p> + +<p>As I stood before the glass and she tried various positions for some +geranium leaves, I felt that would not do either. Any dressing of my +head would commonize the whole thing. I watched her fingers and the +geranium leaves going from one side of my head to the other, watched +how every touch changed the tone of my costume, and felt that I could +not suffer it; and then it suddenly occurred to me that I, who a +little while before had not cared about my dress for the evening, now +did care and that determinedly. I knew I would wear no geranium +leaves, not even to please Mrs. Sandford. And for the first time a +question stole into my mind, what was I, Daisy, doing? But then I said +to myself, that the dress without this head adorning was perfect in +its elegance; it suited me; and it was not wrong to like beauty, nor +to dislike things in bad taste. Perhaps I was too<!-- Page 352 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_352" id="Page_352">[Pg 352]</a></span> handsomely dressed, +but I could not change that now. Another time I would go back to my +embroidered muslins, and stay there.</p> + +<p>"I like it better without anything, Mrs. Sandford," I said, removing +her green decorations and turning away from the glass. Mrs. Sandford +sighed, but said "it would do without them," and then we started.</p> + +<p>I can see it all again; I can almost feel the omnibus roll with me +over the plain, that still sultry night. All those nights were sultry. +Then, as we came near the Academic Building, I could see the lights in +the upper windows; here and there an officer sitting in a window-sill, +and the figures of cadets passing back and forth. Then we mounted to +the hall above, filled with cadets in a little crowd, and words of +recognition came, and Preston, meeting us almost before we got out of +the dressing-room.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, you dance with me?"</p> + +<p>"I am engaged, Preston, for the first dance."</p> + +<p>"Already! The second, then, and all the others?"</p> + +<p>"I am engaged," I repeated, and left him, for Mr. Thorold was at my +side.</p> + +<p>I forgot Preston the next minute. It was easy to forget him, for all +the first half of the evening I was honestly happy in dancing. In +talking, too, whenever Thorold was my partner; other people's talk was +very tiresome. They went over the platitudes of the day; or they +started subjects of interest that were not interesting to me. Bits of +gossip—discussions of fashionable amusements with which I could have +nothing to do; frivolous badinage, which was of all things most +distasteful to me. Yet, amid it, I believe there was a subtle incense +of admiration which<!-- Page 353 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_353" id="Page_353">[Pg 353]</a></span> by degrees and insensibly found its way to my +senses. But I had two dances with Thorold, and at those times I was +myself and enjoyed unalloyed pleasure. And so I thought did he.</p> + +<p>I saw Preston, when now and then I caught a glimpse of him, looking +excessively glum. Midway in the evening it happened that I was +standing beside him for a few moments, waiting for my next partner.</p> + +<p>"You are dancing with nobody but that man whom I hate!" he grumbled. +"Who is it now?"</p> + +<p>"Captain Vaux."</p> + +<p>"Will you dance with me after that?"</p> + +<p>"I cannot, Preston. I must dance with Major Banks."</p> + +<p>"You seem to like it pretty well," he growled.</p> + +<p>"No wonder," said Mrs. Sandford. "You were quite right about the +geranium leaves, Daisy; you do not want them. You do not want +anything, my dear," she whispered.</p> + +<p>At this instant a fresh party entered the room, just as my partner +came up to claim me.</p> + +<p>"There are some handsome girls," said the captain. "Two of them, +really!"</p> + +<p>"People from Cozzens's," said Mrs. Sandford, "who think the cadets +keep New York hours."</p> + +<p>It was Faustina St. Clair and Mary Lansing, with their friends and +guardians, I don't know whom. And as I moved to take my place in the +dance, I was presently confronted by my school adversary and the +partner she had immediately found. The greeting was very slight and +cool on her side.</p> + +<p>"Excessively handsome," whispered the captain. "A friend of yours?"</p> + +<p>"A schoolfellow," I said.<!-- Page 354 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_354" id="Page_354">[Pg 354]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Must be a pleasant thing, I declare, to have such handsome +schoolfellows," said the captain. "Beauty is a great thing, isn't it? +I wonder, sometimes, how the ladies can make up their minds to take up +with such great rough ugly fellows as we are, for a set. How do you +think it is?"</p> + +<p>I thought it was wonderful, too, when they were like him. But I said +nothing.</p> + +<p>"Dress, too," said the captain. "Now look at our dress! Straight and +square and stiff, and no variety in it. While our eyes are delighted, +on the other side, with soft draperies and fine colours, and +combinations of grace and elegance that are fit to put a man in +Elysium!"</p> + +<p>"Did you notice the colour of the haze in the west, this evening, at +sunset?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Haze? No, really. I didn't know there was any haze, really, except in +my head. I get hazy amidst these combinations. Seriously, Miss +Randolph, what do you think of a soldier's life?"</p> + +<p>"It depends on who the soldier is," I said.</p> + +<p>"Cool, really!" said the captain. "Cool! Ha! ha!—"</p> + +<p>And he laughed, till I wondered what I could have said to amuse him so +much.</p> + +<p>"Then you have learned to individualize soldiers already?" was his +next question, put with a look which seemed to me inquisitive and +impertinent. I did not know how to answer it, and left it unanswered; +and the captain and I had the rest of our dance out in silence. +Meanwhile, I could not help watching Faustina. She was so very +handsome, with a marked, dashing sort of beauty that I saw was +prodigiously admired. She took no notice of me, and barely touched the +tips of my fingers with her glove as we passed in the dance.<!-- Page 355 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_355" id="Page_355">[Pg 355]</a></span></p> + +<p>As he was leading me back to Mrs. Sandford, the captain stooped his +head to mine. "Forgive me," he whispered. "So much gentleness cannot +bear revenge. I am only a soldier."</p> + +<p>"Forgive you what, sir?" I asked. And he drew up his head again, half +laughed, muttered that I was worse than grape or round shot, and +handed me over to my guardian.</p> + +<p>"My dear Daisy," said Mrs. Sandford, "If you were not so sweet as you +are, you would be a queen. There, now, do not lift up your grey eyes +at me like that, or I shall make you a reverence the first thing I do, +and fancy that I am one of your <i>dames d'honneur</i>. Who is next? Major +Banks? Take care, Daisy, or you'll do some mischief."</p> + +<p>I had not time to think about her words; the dances went forward, and +I took my part in them with great pleasure until the tattoo summons +broke us up. Indeed, my pleasure lasted until we got home to the +hotel, and I heard Mrs. Sandford saying, in an aside to her husband, +amid some rejoicing over me—"I was dreadfully afraid she wouldn't +go." The words, or something in them, gave me a check. However, I had +too many exciting things to think of to take it up just then, and my +brain was in a whirl of pleasure till I went to sleep.<!-- Page 356 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_356" id="Page_356">[Pg 356]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVII" id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h2> + +<h3>OBEYING ORDERS.</h3> + +<p class="cap">AS I shared Mrs. Sandford's room, of course I had very scant +opportunities of being by myself. In the delightful early mornings I +was accustomed to take my book, therefore, and go down where I had +gone the first morning, to the rocks by the river's side. Nobody came +by that way at so early an hour; I had been seen by nobody except that +one time, when Thorold and his companion passed me; and I felt quite +safe. It was pleasanter down there than can be told. However sultry +the air on the heights above, so near the water there was always a +savour of freshness; or else I fancied it, in the hearing of the soft +liquid murmur of the little wavelets against the shore. But sometimes +it was so still I could hear nothing of that; then birds and insects, +or the faint notes of a bugle call, were the only things to break the +absolute hush; and the light was my refreshment, on river and tree and +rock and hill; one day sharp and clear, another day fairylandlike and +dreamy through golden mist.</p> + +<p>It was a good retiring place in any case, so early in the day.<!-- Page 357 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_357" id="Page_357">[Pg 357]</a></span> I +could read and pray there better than in a room, I thought. The next +morning after my second dancing party, I was there as usual. It was a +sultry July morning, the yellow light in the haze on the hills +threatening a very hot day. I was very happy, as usual; but somehow my +thoughts went roaming off into the yellow haze, as if the landscape +had been my life, and I were trying to pick out points of light here +and there, and sporting on the gay surface. I danced my dances over +again in the flow of the river; heard soft words of kindness or +admiration in the song of the birds; wandered away in mazes of +speculative fancy among the thickets of tree stems and underbrush. The +sweet wonderful note of a wood-thrush, somewhere far out of sight, +assured me, what everything conspired to assure me, that I was +certainly in fairyland, not on the common earth. But I could not get +on with my Bible at all. Again and again I began to read; then a bird +or a bough or a ripple would catch my attention, and straightway I was +off on a flight of fancy or memory, dancing over again my dances with +Mr. Thorold, dwelling upon the impression of his figure and dress, and +the fascination of his brilliant, changing hazel eyes; or recalling +Captain Vaux's or somebody else's insipid words and looks, or Faustina +St. Clair's manner of ill-will; or on the other hand giving a passing +thought to the question how I should dress the next hop night. After a +long wandering, I would come back and begin at my Bible again, but +only for a little; my fancy could not be held to it; and a few +scarcely read verses and a few half-uttered petitions were all I had +accomplished before the clangour of the hotel gong, sounding down even +to me, warned me that my time was gone. And the note of the +wood-thrush, as I slowly mounted the path, struck reproachfully and +rebukingly upon the ear of my conscience.<!-- Page 358 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_358" id="Page_358">[Pg 358]</a></span></p> + +<p>How had this come about? I mused as I went up the hill. What was the +matter? What had bewitched me? No pleasure in my Bible; no time for +prayer; and only the motion of feet moving to music, only the flutter +of lace and muslin, and the flashing of hazel eyes, filling my brain. +What was wrong? Nay, something. And why had Mrs. Sandford "feared" I +would not go to the hops? Were they not places for Christians to go +to? What earthly harm? Only pleasure. But what if pleasure that marred +better pleasure—that interrupted duty? And why was I ruminating on +styles and colours, and proposing to put on another dress that should +be more becoming the next time? and thinking that it would be well it +should be a contrast to Faustina St. Clair? What! entering the lists +with her, on her own field? No, no; I could not think of it. But what +then? And what was this little flutter at my heart about gentlemen's +words and looks of homage and liking? What could it be to me, that +such people as Captain Vaux or Captain Lascelles liked me? Captain +Lascelles, who when he was not dancing or flirting was pleased to curl +himself up on one of the window seats like a monkey, and take a +grinning survey of what went on. Was I flattered by such admiration as +his?—or <i>any</i> admiration? I liked to have Mr. Thorold like me; yes, I +was not wrong to be pleased with that; besides, that was <i>liking</i>; not +empty compliments. But for my lace and my India muslin and my +"Southern elegance"—I knew Colonel Walrus meant me when he talked +about that—was I thinking of admiration for such things as these, and +thinking so much that my Bible reading had lost its charm? What was in +fault? Not the hops? They were too pleasant. It could not be the hops.</p> + +<p>I mounted the hill slowly and in a great maze, getting more<!-- Page 359 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_359" id="Page_359">[Pg 359]</a></span> and more +troubled. I entering the lists with Faustina St. Clair, going in her +ways? I knew these were her ways. I had heard scraps enough of +conversation among the girls about these things, which I then did not +understand. And another word came therewith into my mind, powerful +once before, and powerful now to disentangle the false from the true. +"The world knoweth us not." Did it not know me, last night? Would it +not, if I went there again? But the hops were so pleasant!</p> + +<p>It almost excites a smile in me now to think how pleasant they were. I +was only sixteen. I had seen no dancing parties other than the little +school assemblages at Mme. Ricard's; and I was fond of the amusement +even there. Here, it seemed to me, then, as if all prettiness and +pleasantness that could come together in such a gathering met in the +dancing room of the cadets. I think not very differently now, as to +that point. The pretty accompaniments of uniform; the simple style and +hours; the hearty enjoyment of the occasion; were all a little unlike +what is found at other places. And to me, and to increase my +difficulty, came a crowning pleasure; I met Thorold there. To have a +good dance and talk with him was worth certainly all the rest. Must I +give it up?</p> + +<p>I could not bear to think so, but the difficulty helped to prick my +conscience. There had been only two hops, and I was so enthralled +already. How would it be if I had been to a dozen; and where might it +end? And the word stands,—"The world knoweth us <i>not</i>."</p> + +<p>It must not know me, Daisy Randolph, as in any sort belonging to it or +mixed up with it; and therefore—Daisy Randolph must go to the hop no +more. I felt the certainty of the decision growing over me, even while +I was appalled by it. I staved off consideration all that day.<!-- Page 360 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_360" id="Page_360">[Pg 360]</a></span></p> + +<p>In the afternoon Mr. Thorold came and took me to see the laboratory, +and explained for me a number of curious things. I should have had +great enjoyment, if Preston had not taken it into his head, unasked, +to go along; being unluckily with me when Thorold came. He was a +thorough marplot; saying nothing of consequence himself, and only +keeping a grim watch—I could take it as nothing else—of everything +we said and did. Consequently, Mr. Thorold's lecture was very proper +and grave, instead of being full of fun and amusement, as well as +instruction. I took Preston to task about it when we got home.</p> + +<p>"You hinder pleasure when you go in that mood," I told him.</p> + +<p>"What mood?"</p> + +<p>"You know. You never are pleasant when Mr. Thorold is present or when +he is mentioned."</p> + +<p>"He is a cowardly Yankee!" was Preston's rejoinder.</p> + +<p>"<i>Cowardly</i>, Gary?"—said somebody near; and I saw a cadet whom I did +not know, who came from behind us and passed by on the piazza. He did +not look at us, and stayed not for any more words; but turning to +Preston, I was surprised to see his face violently flushed.</p> + +<p>"Who was that?"</p> + +<p>"No matter—impertinence!" he muttered.</p> + +<p>"But what <i>is</i> the matter? and what did he mean?"</p> + +<p>"He is one of Thorold's set," said Preston; "and I tell you Daisy, you +shall not have anything to do with them. Aunt Felicia would never +allow it. She would not look at them herself. You shall not have +anything more to do with them."</p> + +<p>How could I, if I was going no more to the hops? How could I see +Thorold, or anybody? The thought struck to my heart,<!-- Page 361 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_361" id="Page_361">[Pg 361]</a></span> and I made no +answer. Company, however, kept me from considering the matter all the +evening.</p> + +<p>But the next day, early, I was in my usual place: near the river side, +among the rocks, with my Bible; and I resolved to settle the question +there as it ought to be settled. I was resolved; but to do what I had +resolved was difficult. For I wanted to go to the hop that evening +very much. Visions of it floated before me; snatches of music and +gleams of light; figures moving in harmony; words and looks; and—my +own white little person. All these made a kind of quaint mosaic with +flashes of light on the river, and broad warm bands of sunshine on the +hills, and the foliage of trees and bushes, and the grey lichened +rocks at my foot. It was confusing; but I turned over the leaves of my +Bible to see if I could find some undoubted direction as to what I +ought to do, or perhaps rather some clear permission for what I wished +to do. I could not remember that the Bible said anything about +dancing, <i>pro</i> or <i>con</i>; dancing, I thought, could not be wrong; but +this confusion in my mind was not right. I fluttered over my leaves a +good while with no help; then I thought I might as well take a chapter +somewhere and study it through. The whole chapter, it was the third of +Colossians, did not seem to me to go favourably for my pleasure; but +the seventeenth verse brought me to a point,—"Whatsoever ye do in +word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus."</p> + +<p>There was no loophole here for excuses or getting off, "<i>Whatsoever ye +do.</i>" Did I wish it otherwise? No, I did not. I was content with the +terms of service; but now about dancing, or rather, the dancing party? +"In the name of the Lord Jesus." Could I go there in that name? as the +servant of my Master, busy about His work, or taking pleasure that He +had given me to<!-- Page 362 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_362" id="Page_362">[Pg 362]</a></span> take? That was the question. And all my visions of +gay words and gay scenes, all the flutter of pleased vanity and the +hope of it, rose up and answered me. By that thought of the pretty +dress I would wear, I knew I should not wear it "in the name of the +Lord Jesus;" for my thought was of honour to myself, not to Him. By +the fear which darted into my head, that Mr. Thorold might dance with +Faustina if I were not there, I knew I should not go "in the name of +the Lord," if I went; but to gratify my own selfish pride and +emulation. By the confusion which had reigned in my brain these two +days, by the tastelessness of my Bible, by the unaptness for prayer, I +knew I could not go in the name of my Lord, for it would be to unfit +myself for His work.</p> + +<p>The matter was settled in one way; but the pain of it took longer to +come to an end. It is sorrowful to me to remember now how hard it was +to get over. My vanity I was heartily ashamed of, and bade that show +its head no more; my emulation of Faustina St. Clair gave me some +horror; but the pleasure—the real honest pleasure, of the scene, and +the music and the excitement and the dancing and the seeing +people—all that I did not let go for ever without a hard time of +sorrow and some tears. It was not a <i>struggle</i>, for I gave that up at +once; only I had to fight pain. It was one of the hardest things I +ever did in my life. And the worst of all and the most incurable was, +I should miss seeing Mr. Thorold. One or two more walks, possibly, I +might have with him; but those long, short evenings of seeing and +talking and dancing!</p> + +<p>Mrs. Sandford argued, coaxed, and rallied me; and then said, if I +would not go, she should not; and she did not. That evening we spent +at home together, and alone; for everybody<!-- Page 363 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_363" id="Page_363">[Pg 363]</a></span> else had drifted over to +the hop. I suppose Mrs. Sandford found it dull; for the next hop night +she changed her mind and left me. I had rather a sorrowful evening. +Dr. Sandford had not come back from the mountains; indeed, I did not +wish for him; and Thorold had not been near us for several days. My +fairyland was getting disenchanted a little bit. But I was quite sure +I had done right.</p> + +<p>The next morning, I had hardly been three minutes on my rock by the +river, when Mr. Thorold came round the turn of the walk and took a +seat beside me.</p> + +<p>"How do you do?" said he, stretching out his hand. I put mine in it.</p> + +<p>"What has become of my friend, this seven years?"</p> + +<p>"I am here—" I said.</p> + +<p>"I see you. But why have I <i>not</i> seen you, all this while?"</p> + +<p>"I suppose you have been busy," I answered.</p> + +<p>"Busy! Of course I have, or I should have been here asking questions. +I was not too busy to dance with you: and I was promised—how many +dances? Where have you been?"</p> + +<p>"I have been at home."</p> + +<p>"Why?"</p> + +<p>Would Mr. Thorold understand me? Mrs. Sandford did not. My own mother +never did. I hesitated, and he repeated his question, and those hazel +eyes were sparkling all sorts of queries around me.</p> + +<p>"I have given up going to the hops," I said.</p> + +<p>"Given up? Do you mean, you <i>don't</i> mean, that you are never coming +any more?"</p> + +<p>"I am not coming any more."</p> + +<p>"Don't you sometimes change your decisions?"<!-- Page 364 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_364" id="Page_364">[Pg 364]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I suppose I do," I answered; "but not this one."</p> + +<p>"I am in a great puzzle," he said. "And very sorry. Aren't you going +to be so good as to give me some clue to this mystery? Did you find +the hops so dull?"</p> + +<p>And he looked very serious indeed.</p> + +<p>"Oh no!" I said. "I liked them very much—I enjoyed them very much. I +am sorry to stay away."</p> + +<p>"Then you will not stay away very long."</p> + +<p>"Yes—I shall."</p> + +<p>"Why?" he asked again, with a little sort of imperative curiosity +which was somehow very pleasant to me.</p> + +<p>"I do not think it is right for me to go," I said. Then, seeing grave +astonishment and great mystification in his face, I added, "I am a +Christian, Mr. Thorold."</p> + +<p>"A Christian!" he cried, with flashes of light and shadow crossing his +brow. "Is <i>that</i> it?"</p> + +<p>"That is it," I assented.</p> + +<p>"But my dear Miss Randolph—you know we are friends?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," I said, smiling, and glad that he had not forgotten it.</p> + +<p>"Then we may talk about what we like. Christians go to hops."</p> + +<p>I looked at him without answering.</p> + +<p>"Don't you know they do?"</p> + +<p>"I suppose they may—" I answered, slowly.</p> + +<p>"But they <i>do</i>. There was our former colonel's wife—Mrs. Holt; she +was a regular church-goer, and a member of the church; she was always +at the hop, and her sister; they are both church members. Mrs. +Lambkin, General Lambkin's wife, she is another. Major Banks' +sisters—those pretty girls—they are always there; and it is the same +with visitors. Everybody comes; their being Christians does not make +any difference."<!-- Page 365 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_365" id="Page_365">[Pg 365]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Captain Thorold," said I—"I mean Mr. Thorold, don't you obey your +orders?"</p> + +<p>"Yes—general," he said. And he laughed.</p> + +<p>"So must I."</p> + +<p>"You are not a soldier."</p> + +<p>"Yes—I am."</p> + +<p>"Have you got orders not to come to our hop?"</p> + +<p>"I think I have. You will not understand me, but this is what I mean, +Mr. Thorold. I <i>am</i> a soldier, of another sort from you; and I have +orders not to go anywhere that my Captain does not send me, or where I +cannot be serving Him."</p> + +<p>"I wish you would show those orders to me."</p> + +<p>I gave him the open page which I had been studying, that same chapter +of Colossians, and pointed out the words. He looked at them, and +turned over the page, and turned it back.</p> + +<p>"I don't see the orders," he said.</p> + +<p>I was silent. I had not expected he would.</p> + +<p>"And I was going to say, I never saw any Christians that were +soldiers; but I have, one. And so you are another?" And he bent upon +me a look so curiously considering, tender, and wondering, at once, +that I could not help smiling.</p> + +<p>"A soldier!" said he, again. "You? Have you ever been under fire?"</p> + +<p>I smiled again, and then, I don't know what it was. I cannot tell +what, in the question and in the look, touched some weak spot. The +question called up such sharp answers; the look spoke so much +sympathy. It was very odd for me to do, but I was taken unawares; my +eyes fell and filled, and before I could help it were more than full. +I do not know, to this day, how I came to cry before Thorold. It was +very soon over, my weak<!-- Page 366 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_366" id="Page_366">[Pg 366]</a></span>ness, whatever it was. It seemed to touch him +amazingly. He got hold of my hand, put it to his lips, and kissed it +over and over, outside and inside.</p> + +<p>"I can see it all in your face," he said, tenderly: "the strength and +the truth to do anything, and bear—whatever is necessary. But I am +not so good as you. I cannot bear anything unless it <i>is</i> necessary; +and this isn't."</p> + +<p>"Oh no, nor I!" I said; "but this is necessary, Mr. Thorold."</p> + +<p>"Prove it—come."</p> + +<p>"You do not see the orders," I said; "but there they are. 'Do all in +the name of the Lord Jesus.' I cannot go to that place 'in His name.'"</p> + +<p>"I do not think I understand what you mean," he said, gently. "A +soldier, the best that ever lived, is his own man when he is off duty. +We go to the hop to play—not to work."</p> + +<p>"Ah, but a soldier of Christ is never 'off duty,'" I said. "See, Mr. +Thorold—<i>'whatsoever</i> ye do'—'whether ye eat or drink, or whatsoever +ye do.' That covers all; don't you see?"</p> + +<p>"That would make it a very heavy thing to be a Christian," he said; +"there would be no liberty at all."</p> + +<p>"Oh, but it is all liberty!" I said,—"When you love Jesus."</p> + +<p>He looked at me so inquiringly, so inquisitively, that I went on.</p> + +<p>"You do not think it hard to do things for anybody you love?"</p> + +<p>"No," said he. "I would like to do things for you."</p> + +<p>I remember I smiled at that, for it seemed to me very pleasant to hear +him say it; but I went on.</p> + +<p>"Then you understand it, Mr. Thorold."</p> + +<p>"No," said he, "I do not understand it; for there is this difficulty. +I do not see what in the world such an innocent amuse<!-- Page 367 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_367" id="Page_367">[Pg 367]</a></span>ment as that we +are talking of can have to do with Christian duty, one way or another. +Every Christian woman that I know comes to it,—that is young enough; +and some that aren't."</p> + +<p>It was very hard to explain.</p> + +<p>"Suppose they disobey orders," I said slowly;—"that would be another +reason why I should obey them."</p> + +<p>"Of course. But do they?"</p> + +<p>"I should," I said. "I am not serving Christ when I am there. I am not +doing the work He has given me to do. I cannot go."</p> + +<p>"I came down here on purpose to persuade you," he said.</p> + +<p>It was not necessary to answer that, otherwise than by a look.</p> + +<p>"And you are unpersuadable," he said; "unmanageable, of course, by me; +strong as a giant, and gentle as a snowflake. But the snowflake melts; +and you—you will go up to the hotel as good a crystal as when you +came down."</p> + +<p>This made me laugh, and we had a good laugh together, holding each +other's hand.</p> + +<p>"Do you know," said he, "I must go? There is a roll of a summons that +reaches my ear, and I must be at the top of the bank in one minute and +a quarter. I had no leave to be here."</p> + +<p>"Hadn't you?" I said. "Oh, then, go, go directly, Mr. Thorold!"</p> + +<p>But I could not immediately release my hand, and holding it and +looking at me, Thorold laughed again; his hazel eyes sparkling and +dancing and varying with what feelings I could not tell. They looked +very steadily, too, till I remember mine went down, and then, lifting +his cap, he turned suddenly and sprang away. I sat down to get breath +and think.</p> + +<p>I had come to my place rather sober and sorrowful; and what<!-- Page 368 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_368" id="Page_368">[Pg 368]</a></span> a +pleasant morning I had had! I did not mind at all, now, my not going +to the dances. I had explained myself to Mr. Thorold, and we were not +any further apart for it, and I had had a chance to speak to him about +other things too. And though he did not understand me, perhaps he +would some day. The warning gong sounded before I had well got to my +Bible reading. My Bible reading was very pleasant this morning, and I +could not be baulked of it; so I spent over it near the whole half +hour that remained, and rushed up to the hotel in the last five +minutes. Of course, I was rather late and quite out of breath; and +having no voice and being a little excited, I suppose was the reason +that I curtseyed to Dr. Sandford, whom I met at the head of the piazza +steps. He looked at me like a man taken aback.</p> + +<p>"Daisy!" he exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir," I answered.</p> + +<p>"Where have you come from?"</p> + +<p>"From my study," I said. "I have a nice place down by the river which +is my study."</p> + +<p>"Rather a public situation for a private withdrawing place," said the +doctor.</p> + +<p>"Oh no!" said I. "At this hour—" But there I stopped and began again. +"It is really very private. And it is the pleasantest study place I +think I ever had."</p> + +<p>"To study what?"</p> + +<p>I held up my book.</p> + +<p>"It agrees with you," said the doctor.</p> + +<p>"What?" said I, laughing.</p> + +<p>"Daisy!" said Dr. Sandford—"I left a quiet bud of a flower a few days +ago—a little demure bit of a schoolgirl, learning<!-- Page 369 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_369" id="Page_369">[Pg 369]</a></span> geology; and I +have got a young princess here, a full rose, prickles and all, I don't +doubt. What has Mrs. Sandford done with you?"</p> + +<p>"I do not know," said I, thinking I had better be demure again. "She +took me to the hop."</p> + +<p>"The hop?—how did you like that?"</p> + +<p>"I liked it very much."</p> + +<p>"You did? You liked it? I did not know that you would go, with your +peculiar notions."</p> + +<p>"I went," I said; "I did not know what it was. How could I help liking +it? But I am not going again."</p> + +<p>"Why not, if you like it?"</p> + +<p>"I am not going again," I repeated. "Shall we have a walk to the hills +to-day, Dr. Sandford?"</p> + +<p>"Grant!" said his sister-in-law's voice, "don't you mean the child +shall have any breakfast? What made you so late, Daisy? Come in, and +talk afterwards. Grant is uneasy if he can't see at least your shadow +all the while."</p> + +<p>We went in to breakfast, and I took a delightful walk with Dr. +Sandford afterward, back in the ravines of the hills; but I had got an +odd little impression of two things. First, that he, like Preston, was +glad to have me give up going to the hops. I was sure of it from his +air and tone of voice, and it puzzled me; for he could not possibly +have Preston's dislike of Northerners, nor be unwilling that I should +know them. The other thing was, that he would not like my seeing Mr. +Thorold. I don't know how I knew it, but I knew it. I thought—it was +very odd—but I thought he was <i>jealous</i>; or rather, I felt he would +be if he had any knowledge of our friendship for each other. So I +resolved he should have no such knowledge.</p> + +<p>Our life went on now as it had done at our first coming.<!-- Page 370 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_370" id="Page_370">[Pg 370]</a></span> Every day +Dr. Sandford and I went to the woods and hills, on a regular +naturalist's expedition; and nothing is so pleasant as such +expeditions. At home, we were busy with microscopic examinations, +preparations, and studies; delightful studies, and beautiful lessons, +in which the doctor was the finest of instructors, as I have said, and +I was at least the happiest of scholars. Mrs. Sandford fumed a little, +and Mr. Sandford laughed; but that did no harm. Everybody went to the +hops, except the doctor and me; and every morning and evening, at +guardmounting and parade, I was on the ground behind the guard tents +to watch the things done and listen to the music and enjoy all the +various beauty. Sometimes I had a glimpse of Thorold; for many both of +cadets and officers used to come and speak to me and rally me on my +seclusion, and endeavour to tempt me out of it. Thorold did not that; +he only looked at me, as if I were something to be a little wondered +at but wholly approved of. It was not a disagreeable look to meet.</p> + +<p>"I must have it out with you," he said one evening, when he had just a +minute to speak to me. "There is a whole world of things I don't +understand, and want to talk about. Let us go Saturday afternoon and +take a long walk up to 'Number Four'—do you like hills?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"Then let us go up there Saturday—will you?"</p> + +<p>And when Saturday came, we went. Preston luckily was not there; and +Dr. Sandford, also luckily, was gone to dine at the General's with his +brother. There were no more shadows on earth than there were clouds in +the sky, as we took our way across the plain and along the bank in +front of the officers' quarters looking north, and went out at the +gate. Then we left civilization and the world behind us, and plunged +into a wild<!-- Page 371 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_371" id="Page_371">[Pg 371]</a></span> mountain region; going up, by a track which few feet ever +used, the rough slope to "Number Four." Yet that a few feet used it +was plain.</p> + +<p>"Do people come here to walk much?" I asked, as we slowly made our way +up.</p> + +<p>"Nobody comes here—for anything."</p> + +<p>"Somebody <i>goes</i> here," I said. "This is a beaten path."</p> + +<p>"Oh, there is a poor woodcutter's family at the top; they do travel up +and down occasionally."</p> + +<p>"It is pretty," I said.</p> + +<p>"It is pretty at the top; but we are a long way from that. Is it too +rough for you?"</p> + +<p>"Not at all," I said. "I like it."</p> + +<p>"You are a good walker for a Southern girl."</p> + +<p>"Oh, but I have lived at the North; I am only Southern born."</p> + +<p>Soon, however, he made me stop to rest. There was a good grey rock +under the shadow of the trees; Thorold placed me on that and threw +himself on the moss at my feet. We were up so high in the world that +the hills on the other side of the river rose beautifully before us +through the trees, and a sunny bit of the lower ground of the plain +looked like a bit of another world that we were leaving. It was a +sunny afternoon and a little hazy; every line softened, every colour +made richer, under the mellowing atmosphere.</p> + +<p>"Now you can explain it all to me," said Thorold, as he threw himself +down. "You have walked too fast. You are warm."</p> + +<p>"And you do not look as if it was warm at all."</p> + +<p>"I! This is nothing to me," he said. "But perhaps it will warm me and +cool you if we get into a talk. I want explanations."<!-- Page 372 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_372" id="Page_372">[Pg 372]</a></span></p> + +<p>"About what, Mr. Thorold?"</p> + +<p>"Well—if you will excuse me—about you," he said, with a very +pleasant look, frank and soft at once.</p> + +<p>"I am quite ready to explain myself. But I am afraid, when I have done +it, that you will not understand me, Mr. Thorold."</p> + +<p>"Think I cannot?" said he.</p> + +<p>"I am afraid not—without knowing what I know."</p> + +<p>"Let us see," said Thorold. "I want to know why you judge so +differently from other people about the right and the wrong of hops +and such things. Somebody is mistaken—that is clear."</p> + +<p>"But the difficulty is, I cannot give you my point of view."</p> + +<p>"Please try," said Thorold, contentedly.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Thorold, I told you, I am a soldier."</p> + +<p>"Yes," he said, looking up at me, and little sparkles of light seeming +to come out of his hazel eyes.</p> + +<p>"I showed you my orders."</p> + +<p>"But I did not understand them to be what you said."</p> + +<p>"Suppose you were in an enemy's country," I said; "a rebel country; +and your orders were, to do nothing which could be construed into +encouraging the rebels, or which could help them to think that your +king would hold friendship with them, or that there was not a perfect +gulf of division between you and them."</p> + +<p>"But this is not such a case?" said Thorold.</p> + +<p>"That is only part," I said. "Suppose your orders were to keep +constant watch and hold yourself at every minute ready for duty, and +to go nowhere and do nothing that would unfit you for instant service, +or put you off your watch?"</p> + +<p>"But, Miss Randolph!" said Thorold, a little impatiently, "do these +little dances unfit you for duty?"<!-- Page 373 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_373" id="Page_373">[Pg 373]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Yes," I said. "And put me off my watch."</p> + +<p>"Your watch against what? Oh, pardon me, and <i>please</i> enlighten me. I +do not mean to be impertinent."</p> + +<p>"I mean my watch for orders—my watch against evil."</p> + +<p>"Won't you explain?" said Thorold, gently and impatiently at once. +"What sort of evil can <i>you</i> possibly fear, in connection with such an +innocent recreation? What 'orders' are you expecting?"</p> + +<p>I hesitated. Should I tell him; would he believe; was it best to +unveil the working of my own heart to that degree? And how could I +evade or shirk the question?</p> + +<p>"I should not like to tell you," I said at length, "the thoughts and +feelings I found stirring in myself, after the last time I went to the +dance. I dare say they are something that belongs especially to a +woman, and that a man would not know them."</p> + +<p>Thorold turned on me again a wonderfully gentle look, for a gay, fiery +young Vermonter, as I knew him to be.</p> + +<p>"It wanted only that!" he said. "And the orders, Miss Randolph—what +'orders' are you expecting? You said orders."</p> + +<p>"Orders may be given by a sign," I said. "They need not be in words."</p> + +<p>He smiled. "I see, you have studied the subject."</p> + +<p>"I mean, only, that whenever a duty is plainly put before +me—something given me to do—I know I have 'orders' to do it. And +then, Mr. Thorold, as the orders are not spoken, nor brought to me by +a messenger, only made known to me by a sign of some sort—If I did +not keep a good watch, I should be sure to miss the sign sometimes, +don't you see?"</p> + +<p>"This is soldiership!" said Thorold. And getting up, he stood before +me in attitude like a soldier as he was, erect, still with arms +folded, only not up to his chin, like Capt. Percival, but<!-- Page 374 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_374" id="Page_374">[Pg 374]</a></span> folded +manfully. He had been watching me very intently; now he stood as +intently looking off over the farther landscape. Methought I had a +sort of pride in his fine appearance; and yet he did in no wise belong +to me. Nevertheless, it was pleasant to see the firm, still attitude, +the fine proportions, the military nicety of all his dress, which I +had before noticed on the parade ground. For as there is a difference +between one walk and another, though all trained, so there is a +difference between one neatness and another, though all according to +regulation: and Preston never looked like this.</p> + +<p>He turned round at last, and smiled down at me.</p> + +<p>"Are you rested?"</p> + +<p>"O yes!" I said, rising. "I was not fatigued."</p> + +<p>"Are you tired talking?"</p> + +<p>"No, not at all. Have I talked so very much?"</p> + +<p>He laughed at that, but went on.</p> + +<p>"Will you be out of patience with my stupidity?"</p> + +<p>I said no.</p> + +<p>"Because I am not fully enlightened yet. I want to ask further +questions; and asking questions is very impertinent."</p> + +<p>"Not if you have leave," I said. "Ask what you like."</p> + +<p>"I am afraid, nevertheless. But I can never know, if I do not ask. How +is it—this is what puzzles me—that other people who call themselves +Christians do not think as you do about this matter?"</p> + +<p>"Soldiership?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Well, yes. It comes to that, I suppose."</p> + +<p>"You know what soldiership ought to be," I said.</p> + +<p>"But one little soldier cannot be all the rank and file of this army?" +he said, looking down at me.</p> + +<p>"O no!" I said, laughing—"there are a great many more<!-- Page 375 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_375" id="Page_375">[Pg 375]</a></span>—there are a +great many more—only you do not happen to see them."</p> + +<p>"And these others, that I do see, are not soldiers, then?"</p> + +<p>"I do not know," I said, feeling sadly what a stumbling-block it was. +"Perhaps they are. But you know yourself, Mr. Thorold, there is a +difference between soldiers and soldiers."</p> + +<p>He was silent a while, as we mounted the hill; then he continued—</p> + +<p>"But it makes religion a slavery—a bondage—to be <i>all</i> the while +under arms, on guard, watching orders. <i>Always</i> on the watch and +expecting to be under fire—it is too much; it would make a gloomy, +ugly life of it."</p> + +<p>"But suppose you <i>are</i> under fire?" I said.</p> + +<p>"What?" said he, looking and laughing again.</p> + +<p>"If you are a good soldier in an enemy's country, always with work to +do; will you wish to be off your guard, or off duty?"</p> + +<p>"But what a life!" said Thorold.</p> + +<p>"If you love your Captain?" said I.</p> + +<p>He stopped and looked at me with one of the keenest looks of scrutiny +I ever met. It seemed to scrutinize not me only, but the truth. I +thought he was satisfied; for he turned away without adding anything +more at that time. His mind was at work, however; for he broke down a +small branch in his way and busied himself with it in sweeping the +trunks of the trees as we went by; varying the occupation with a +careful clearing away of all stones and sticks that would make my path +rougher than it need be. Finally, giving me his hand to help me spring +over a little rivulet that crossed our way.</p> + +<p>"Here is an incongruity, now I think of it," said he, smiling. "How is +it that you be on such good terms with a rebel? Ought you to have +anything to do with me?"<!-- Page 376 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_376" id="Page_376">[Pg 376]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I may be friends with anybody in his private capacity," I answered in +the same tone. "That does not compromise anything. It is only +when—You know what I mean."</p> + +<p>"When they are assembled for doubtful purposes."</p> + +<p>"Or gathered in a place where the wrong colours are displayed," I +added. "I must not go there."</p> + +<p>"There was no false banner hung out on the Academic Building the other +night," he said humorously.</p> + +<p>But I knew my King's banner was not either. I knew people did not +think of Him there, nor work for Him, and would have been very much +surprised to hear any one speak of Him. Say it was innocent amusement; +people did not want Him with them there; and where He was not, I did +not wish to be. But I could not tell all this to Mr. Thorold. He was +not contented, however, without an answer.</p> + +<p>"How was it?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"You cannot understand me and you may laugh at me," I said.</p> + +<p>"Why may I not understand you?" he asked deferentially.</p> + +<p>"I suppose, because you do not understand something else," I said; +"and you cannot, Mr. Thorold, until you know what the love of Jesus +is, and what it is to care for His honour and His service more than +for anything else in the world."</p> + +<p>"But are they compromised?" he asked. "That is the thing. You see, I +want you back at the hop."</p> + +<p>"I would like to come," said I; "but I must not."</p> + +<p>"On the ground—?"</p> + +<p>"I told you, Mr. Thorold. I do not find that my orders allow me to go. +I must do nothing that I cannot do in my King's name."</p> + +<p>"That is—"</p> + +<p>"As His servant—on His errands—following where He leads me."<!-- Page 377 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_377" id="Page_377">[Pg 377]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I never heard it put so before," said Thorold. "It bears the stamp of +perfection—only an impossible perfection."</p> + +<p>"No—" said I.</p> + +<p>"To ordinary mortals," he rejoined, with one of his quick, brilliant +flashes of the eye. Then, as it softened and changed again—</p> + +<p>"Miss Randolph, permit me to ask one question—Are you happy?"</p> + +<p>And with the inquiry came the investigating look, keen as a razor or a +rifle ball. I could meet it, though; and I told him it was <i>this</i> made +me happy. For the first time his face was troubled. He turned it from +me and dropped the conversation. I let it drop, too; and we walked +side by side and silently the remainder of the steep way; neither of +us, I believe, paying much attention to what there was to be seen +below or around us. At the top, however, this changed. We found a good +place to rest, and sat there a long time looking at the view; Thorold +pointing out its different features, and telling me about them in +detail; his visits to them, and exploration of the region generally. +And we planned imaginary excursions together, one especially to the +top of the Crow's Nest, with an imaginary party, to see the sun rise. +We would have to go up, of course, overnight; we must carry a tent +along for shelter, and camp-beds, and cooking utensils, at least a pot +to boil coffee; and plenty of warm wraps and plenty of provisions, for +people always eat terribly in cold regions, Thorold said. And although +the top of the Crow's Nest is not Arctic by any means, still, it is +cool enough even in a warm day, and would be certainly cool at night. +Also the members of our party we debated; they must be people of good +tempers and travelling habits, not to be put out for a little; people +with large tastes for enjoyment, to whom the glory<!-- Page 378 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_378" id="Page_378">[Pg 378]</a></span> of the morning +would make amends for all the toil of the night; and good talkers, to +keep up the tone of the whole thing. Meanwhile, Thorold and I heartily +enjoyed Number Four; as also I did his explanations of fortifications, +which I drew from him and made him apply to all the fortifications in +sight or which I knew. And when the sun's westing told us it was time +to go home, we went down all the way talking. I have but little +remembrance of the path. I remember the cool, bright freshness of the +light, and its brilliant gleam in the distance after it had left the +hillside. I have an impression of the calm clear beauty that was +underfoot and overhead that afternoon; but I saw it only as I could +see it while giving my thought to something else. Sometimes, holding +hands, we took runs down the mountain side; then walked demurely again +when we got to easier going. We had come to the lower region at last, +and were not far from the gate, talking earnestly and walking close +together, when I saw Thorold touch his cap.</p> + +<p>"Was that anybody I knew?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"I believe it was your friend Dr. Sandford," he said, smiling into my +face with a smile of peculiar expression and peculiar beauty. I saw +something had pleased him, pleased him very much. It could not have +been Dr. Sandford. I cannot say I was pleased, as I had an intuitive +assurance the doctor was not. But Thorold's smile almost made amends.</p> + +<p>That evening the doctor informed us he had got intelligence which +obliged him to leave the Point immediately; and as he could go with us +part of the way to Niagara, we had better all set off together. I had +lost all my wish to go to Niagara; but I said nothing. Mrs. Sandford +said there was nothing to be gained by staying at the Point any +longer, as I would not go to the hops. So Monday morning we went +away.<!-- Page 379 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_379" id="Page_379">[Pg 379]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVIII" id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2> + +<h3>SOUTH AND NORTH.</h3> + +<p class="cap">WE made a round of pleasure after leaving West Point. That is, it was +a round of pleasure to the rest of the party. I had left my best +pleasure behind me. Certainly, I enjoyed Catskill, and Trenton Falls, +and Niagara, after some sort; but there was nothing in them all like +my walk to "Number Four." West Point had enough natural beauty to +satisfy any one, I thought, even for all summer; and there I had +besides what I had not elsewhere and never had before, a companion. +All my earlier friends were far older than I, or beneath me in +station. Preston was the single exception; and Preston and I were now +widely apart in our sympathies; indeed, always had been. Mr. Thorold +and I talked to each other on a level; we understood each other and +suited each other. I could let out my thoughts to him with a freedom I +never could use with anybody else.</p> + +<p>It grieved me a little that I had been forced to come away so abruptly +that I had no chance of letting him know. Courtesy, I thought, +demanded of me that I should have done this; and I<!-- Page 380 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_380" id="Page_380">[Pg 380]</a></span> could not do it; +and this was a constant subject of regret to me.</p> + +<p>At the end of our journey I came back to school. Letters from my +father and mother desired that I would do so, and appointed that I was +to join them abroad next year. My mother had decided that it was best +not to interfere with the regular course of my education; and my +father renewed his promise that I should have any reward I chose to +claim, to comfort me for the delay. So I bent myself to study with new +energies and new hope.</p> + +<p>I studied more things than school books that winter. The bits of +political matter I had heard talked over at West Point were by no +means forgotten; and once in a while, when I had time and a chance, I +seized one of the papers from Mme. Ricard's library table and examined +it. And every time I did so, something urged me to do it again. I was +very ignorant. I had no clue to a great deal that was talked of in +these prints: but I could perceive the low threatening growl of coming +ill weather, which seemed to rise on the ear every time I listened. +And a little anxiety began to grow up in my mind. Mme. Ricard, of +course, never spoke on these subjects, and probably did not care about +them. Dr. Sandford was safe in Washington. I once asked Miss Cardigan +what she thought. "There are evil men abroad, dear," she said. "I +don't know what they will be permitted to do."</p> + +<p>"Who do you hope will be elected?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"I don't vote myself," said Miss Cardigan; "so I do not fash myself +much with what I can't help; but I hope the man will be elected that +will do the right thing."</p> + +<p>"And who is that?" I asked. "You do not want slavery to be allowed in +the territories?"<!-- Page 381 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_381" id="Page_381">[Pg 381]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I? Not I!" said Miss Cardigan. "And if the people want to keep it out +of them, I suppose they will elect Abraham Lincoln. I don't know if he +is the right man or no; but he is on the right side. 'Break every +yoke, and let the oppressed go free.' That is my maxim, Daisy."</p> + +<p>I pondered this matter by turns more and more. By and by there began +to be audible mutterings of a storm in the air around me. The first I +heard was when we were all together in the evening with our work, the +half hour before tea.</p> + +<p>"Lincoln is elected," whispered one of the girls to another.</p> + +<p>"Who cares?" the other said aloud.</p> + +<p>"What if he is?" asked a third.</p> + +<p>"Then," said a gentle, graceful-looking girl, spreading her embroidery +out on her lap with her slim white fingers—"<i>then</i> there'll be +fighting."</p> + +<p>It was given, this announcement, with the coolest matter-of-fact +assurance.</p> + +<p>"Who is going to fight?" was the next question.</p> + +<p>The former speaker gave a glance up to see if her audience was safe, +and then replied, as coolly as before,—</p> + +<p>"My brother, for one."</p> + +<p>"What for, Sally?"</p> + +<p>"Do you think we are going to have these vulgar Northerners rule over +<i>us</i>? My cousin Marshall is coming back from Europe on purpose that he +may be here and be ready. I know my aunt wrote him word that she would +disinherit him if he did not."</p> + +<p>"Daisy Randolph—you are a Southerner," said one of the girls.</p> + +<p>"Of course, she is a Southerner," said Sally, going on with her +embroidery. "She is safe."<!-- Page 382 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_382" id="Page_382">[Pg 382]</a></span></p> + +<p>But if I was safe, I was very uncomfortable. I hardly knew why I was +so uncomfortable. Only, I wished ardently that troubles might not +break out between the two quarters of the country. I had a sense that +the storm would come near home. I could not recollect my mother and my +father, without a dread that there would be opposing electricities +between them and me.</p> + +<p>I began to study the daily news more constantly and carefully. I had +still the liberty of Madame's library, and the papers were always +there. I could give to them only a few minutes now and then; but I +felt that the growl of the storm was coming nearer and growing more +threatening. Extracts from Southern papers seemed to my mind very +violent and very wrong-headed; at the same time, I knew that my mother +would endorse and Preston echo them. Then South Carolina passed the +ordinance of secession. Six days after, Major Anderson took possession +of Fort Sumter in Charleston Harbour, and immediately the fort he had +left and Castle Pinckney were garrisoned by the South Carolinians in +opposition. I could not tell how much all this signified; but my heart +began to give a premonitory beat sometimes. Mississippi followed South +Carolina; then United States' forts and arsenals were seized in North +Carolina and Georgia and Alabama, one after the other. The tone of the +press was very threatening, at least of the Southern press. And not +less significant, to my ear, was the whisper I occasionally heard +among a portion of our own little community. A secret whisper, intense +in its sympathy with the seceding half of the nation, contemptuously +hostile to the other part, among whom they were at that very moment +receiving Northern education and Northern kindness. The girls even +listened and gathered scraps of conversa<!-- Page 383 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_383" id="Page_383">[Pg 383]</a></span>tion that passed in their +hearing, to retail them in letters sent home; "they did not know," +they said, "what might be of use." Later, some of these letters were +intercepted by the General Government, and sent back from Washington +to Madame Ricard. All this told me much of the depth and breadth of +feeling among the community of which these girls formed a part; and my +knowledge of my father and mother, Aunt Gary and Preston, and others, +told me more. I began to pray that God would not let war come upon the +land.</p> + +<p>Then there was a day, in January, I think, when a bit of public news +was read out in presence of the whole family; a thing that rarely +happened. It was evening, and we were all in the parlour with our +work. I forget who was the reader, but I remember the words: "'The +steamer, <i>Star of the West</i> with two hundred and fifty United States +troops on board for Fort Sumter, was fired into' (I forget the day) +'by the batteries near Charleston.' Young ladies, do you hear that? +The steamer was fired into. That is the beginning."</p> + +<p>We looked at each other, we girls; startled, sorry, awed, with a +strange glance of defiance from some eyes, while some flowed over with +tears, and some were eager with a feeling that was not displeasure. +All were silent at first. Then whispers began.</p> + +<p>"I told you so," said Sally.</p> + +<p>"Well, <i>they</i> have begun it," said Macy, who was a native of New York.</p> + +<p>"Of course. What business had the <i>Star of the West</i> to be carrying +those troops there? South Carolina can take care of her own forts."</p> + +<p>"Daisy Randolph, you look as solemn as a preacher," said another. +"Which side are you on?"<!-- Page 384 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_384" id="Page_384">[Pg 384]</a></span></p> + +<p>"She is on the right side," said another.</p> + +<p>"Of course," said Sally. "She is the daughter of a Southern +gentleman."</p> + +<p>"I am not on the side of those who fire the first shot," I said.</p> + +<p>"There is no other way," said Sally, coolly. "If a rat comes in your +way you must shoot him. I knew it had got to come. I have heard my +uncle talk enough about that."</p> + +<p>"But what will be the end of it?" said another.</p> + +<p>"Pooh! It will end like smoke. The Yankees do not like fighting—they +would rather be excused, if you please. Their <i>forte</i> is quite in +another line—out of the way of powder."</p> + +<p>I wondered if that was true. I thought of Thorold, and of Major Blunt. +I was troubled; and when I went to see Miss Cardigan, next day, I +found she could give me little comfort.</p> + +<p>"I don't know, my dear," she said, "what they may be left to do. +They're just daft, down there; clean daft."</p> + +<p>"If they fight, we shall be obliged to fight," I said, not liking to +ask her about Northern courage; and, indeed, she was a Scotswoman, and +what should she know?</p> + +<p>"Aye, just that," she replied; "and fighting between the two parts of +one land is just the worst fighting there can be. Pray it may not +come, Daisy; but those people are quite daft."</p> + +<p>The next letters from my mother spoke of my coming out to them as soon +as the school year should be over. The country was likely to be +disturbed, she said; and it would not suit with my father's health to +come home just now. As soon as the school year should be over, and Dr. +Sandford could find a proper opportunity for me to make the journey, I +should come.<!-- Page 385 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_385" id="Page_385">[Pg 385]</a></span></p> + +<p>I was very glad; yet I was not all glad. I wished they had been able +to come to me. I was not, I hardly knew why I was not quite ready to +quit America while these troubles threatened. And as days went on, and +the cloud grew blacker, my feeling of unwillingness increased. The +daily prints were full of fresh instances of the seizure of United +States property, of the secession of New States; then the Secession +Congress met, and elected Jefferson Davis and Alexander Stephens their +president and vice-president; and rebellion was duly organized.</p> + +<p>Jefferson Davis! How the name took me back to the summer parade on the +West Point plain, and my first view of that smooth, sinister, +ill-conditioned face. Now <i>he</i> was heading rebellion. Where would Dr. +Sandford, and Mr. Thorold, and Preston be? How far would the rebels +carry their work? and what opposition would be made to it? Again I +asked Miss Cardigan.</p> + +<p>"It's beyond <i>me</i>, Daisy," she said. "I suppose it will depend very +much on whether we've got the right man to head us or no; and that +nobody can tell till we try. This man, Buchanan, that is over us at +present, he is no better than a bit of cotton-wool. I am going to take +a look at Mr. Lincoln as he comes through, and see what I think of +him."</p> + +<p>"When is he coming?"</p> + +<p>"They say to-day," said Miss Cardigan. "There'll be an uncommon crowd, +but I'll risk it."</p> + +<p>A great desire seized me, that I might see him too. I consulted with +Miss Cardigan. School hours were over at three; I could get away then, +I thought; and by studying the programme of the day we found it +possible that it would not be too late then for our object. So it +proved; and I have always been glad of it ever since.<!-- Page 386 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_386" id="Page_386">[Pg 386]</a></span></p> + +<p>Miss Cardigan and I went forth and packed ourselves in the dense crowd +which had gathered and filled all the way by which the President-elect +was expected to pass. A quiet and orderly and most respectable crowd +it was. Few Irish, few of the miserable of society, who come out only +for a spectacle; there were the yeomanry and the middle classes, men +of business, men of character and some substance, who were waiting, +like us, to see what promise for the future there might be in the +aspect of our new chief. Waiting patiently; and we could only wait +patiently like them. I thought of Preston's indignation if he could +have seen me, and Dr. Sandford's ready negative on my being there; but +well were these thoughts put to flight when the little cavalcade for +which we were looking hove in sight and drew near. Intense curiosity +and then profound satisfaction seized me. The strong, grave, kindly +lineaments of the future Head of the Country gave me instantly a +feeling of confidence, which I never lost in all the time that +followed. That was, confidence in his honesty and goodness; but +another sort of trust was awakened by the keen, searching, shrewd +glances of those dark eyes, which seemed to penetrate the masses of +human intelligences surrounding him, and seek to know what manner of +<i>material</i> he might find them at need. He was not thinking of himself, +that was plain; and the homely, expressive features got a place in my +heart from that time. The little cavalcade passed on from us; the +crowd melted away, and Miss Cardigan and I came slowly again up Fifth +Avenue.</p> + +<p>"Yon's a mon!" quoth Miss Cardigan, speaking, as she did in moments of +strong feeling, with a little reminder of her Scottish origin.</p> + +<p>"Didn't you like him?" I rejoined.<!-- Page 387 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_387" id="Page_387">[Pg 387]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I always like a man when I see him," said my friend. "He had need be +that, too, for he has got a man's work to do."</p> + +<p>And it soon appeared that she spoke true. I watched every action, and +weighed every word of Mr. Lincoln now, with a strange interest. I +thought great things depended on him. I was glad when he determined to +send supplies into Fort Sumter. I was sure that he was right; but I +held my breath, as it were, to see what South Carolina would do. The +twelfth of April told us.</p> + +<p>"So they have done it, Daisy!" said Miss Cardigan, that evening. "They +are doing it, rather. They have been firing at each other all day."</p> + +<p>"Well, Major Anderson must defend his fort," I said. "That is his +duty."</p> + +<p>"No doubt," said Miss Cardigan; "but you look pale, Daisy, my bairn. +You are from those quarters yourself. Is there anybody in that +neighbourhood that is dear to you?"</p> + +<p>I had the greatest difficulty not to burst into tears, by way of +answer, and Miss Cardigan looked concerned at me. I told her there was +nobody there I cared for, except some poor coloured people who were in +no danger.</p> + +<p>"There'll be many a sore heart in the country if this goes on," she +said, with a sigh.</p> + +<p>"But it will not go on, will it?" I asked. "They cannot take Fort +Sumter; do you think so?"</p> + +<p>"I know little about it," said my friend, soberly. "I am no soldier. +And we never know what is best, Daisy. We must trust the Lord, my +dear, to unravel these confusions."</p> + +<p>And the next night the little news-boys in the streets were crying out +the "Fall of Fort Sum—ter!" It rang ominously in<!-- Page 388 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_388" id="Page_388">[Pg 388]</a></span> my heart. The +rebels had succeeded so far; and they would go on. Yes, they would go +on now, I felt assured; unless some very serious check should be given +them. Could the Yankees give that? I doubted it. Yet <i>their</i> cause was +the cause of right, and justice, and humanity; but the right does +<i>not</i> always at first triumph, whatever it may do in the end; and good +swords, and good shots, and the spirit of a soldier, are things that +are allowed to carry their force with them. I knew the South had +these. What had the North?</p> + +<p>Even in our school seclusion, we felt the breath of the tremendous +excitement which swayed the public mind next day. Not bluster, nor +even passion, but the stir of the people's heart. As we walked to +church, we could hear it in half caught words of those we passed by, +see it in the grave, intense air which characterised groups and faces; +feel it in the atmosphere, which was heavy with indignation and +gathering purpose. It was said no Sunday like that had been known in +the city. Within our own little community, if parties ran high, they +were like those outside, quiet; but when alone, the Southern girls +testified an exultation that jarred painfully upon my ears.</p> + +<p>"Daisy don't care."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I care," I said.</p> + +<p>"For shame not to be glad! You see, it is glorious. We have it all our +own way. The impertinence of trying to hold our forts for us!"</p> + +<p>"I don't see anything glorious in fighting," I said.</p> + +<p>"Not when you are attacked?"</p> + +<p>"We were not attacked," I said. "South Carolina fired the first guns."</p> + +<p>"Good for her!" said Sally. "Brave little South Carolina!<!-- Page 389 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_389" id="Page_389">[Pg 389]</a></span> Nobody will +meddle with her and come off without cutting his fingers."</p> + +<p>"Nobody did meddle with her," I asserted. "It was <i>she</i> who meddled, +to break the laws and fight against the government."</p> + +<p>"What government?" said Sally. "Are we slaves, that we should be ruled +by a government we don't choose? We will have our own. Do you think +South Carolina and Virginia <i>gentlemen</i> are going to live under a +rail-splitter for a President? and take orders from him?"</p> + +<p>"What do you mean by a 'rail-splitter'?"</p> + +<p>"I mean this Abe Lincoln the northern mudsills have picked up to make +a President of. He used to get his living by splitting rails for a +Western fence, Daisy Randolph."</p> + +<p>"But if he is President, he is President," I said.</p> + +<p>"For those that like him. <i>We</i> won't have him. Jefferson Davis is my +President. And all I can do to help him I will. I can't fight; I wish +I could. My brother and my cousins and my uncle will, though, that's +one comfort; and what I can do I will."</p> + +<p>"Then I think you are a traitor," I said.</p> + +<p>I was hated among the Southern girls from that day. Hated with a +bitter, violent hatred, which had indeed little chance to show itself, +but was manifested in the scornful, intense avoidance of me. The +bitterness of it is surprising to me even now. I cared not very much +for it. I was too much engrossed with deeper interests of the time, +both public and private. The very next day came the President's call +for seventy-five thousand men; and the next, the answer of the +governor of Kentucky, that "Kentucky would furnish no troops for the +wicked purpose of<!-- Page 390 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_390" id="Page_390">[Pg 390]</a></span> subduing her sister Southern States." I saw this in +the paper in the library; the other girls had no access to the general +daily news, or I knew there would have been shoutings of triumph over +Governor Magoffin. Other governors of other States followed his +example. Jefferson Davis declared in a proclamation that letters of +marque and reprisal would be issued. Everything wore the aspect of +thickening strife.</p> + +<p>My heart grew very heavy over these signs of evil, fearing I knew not +what for those whom I cared about. Indeed, I would not stop to think +what I feared. I tried to bury my fears in my work. Letters from my +mother became very explicit now; she said that troublesome times were +coming in the country, and she would like me to be out of it. After a +little while, when the independence of the South should be assured, we +would all come home and be happy together. Meantime, as soon after the +close of the school year as Dr. Sandford could find a good chance for +me, I was to come out to them at Lausanne, where my mother thought +they would be by that time.</p> + +<p>So I studied with all my strength, with the double motive of gaining +all I could and of forgetting what was going on in the political +world. Music and French, my mother particularly desired that I should +excel in; and I gave many hours to my piano, as many as possible, and +talked with Mlle. Géneviève, whenever she would let me. And she was +very fond of me and fond of talking to me; it was she who kept for me +my library privilege. And my voice was good, as it had promised to be. +I had the pleasure of feeling that I was succeeding in what I most +wished to attain. It was succeeding over the heads of my +schoolfellows; and that earned me wages that were not pleasant among a +portion of my companions. Faustina St. Clair was back among us; she +would perhaps have forgiven if she could have<!-- Page 391 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_391" id="Page_391">[Pg 391]</a></span> forgotten me; but my +headship had been declared ever since the time of the bronze standish, +and even rivalry had been long out of the question. So the old feud +was never healed; and now, between the unfriendliness of her party and +the defection of all the Southern girls, I was left in a great +minority of popular favour. It could not be helped. I studied the +harder. I had unlimited favour with all my teachers, and every +indulgence I asked for.</p> + +<p>The news of the attack in Baltimore upon the Massachusetts troops +passing through the city, and Governor Andrew's beautiful telegram, +shook me out of my pre-occupation. It shook me out of all quiet for a +day. Indignation, and fear, and sorrow rolled through my heart. The +passions that were astir among men, the mad results to which they were +leading, the possible involvement of several of those whom I loved, a +general trembling of evil in the air, made study difficult for the +moment. What signified the course and fate of nations hundreds of +years ago? Our own course and fate filled the horizon. What signified +the power or beauty of my voice, when I had not the heart to send it +up and down like a bird any longer? Where was Preston, and Dr. +Sandford, and Ransom, and what would become of Magnolia? In truth, I +did not know what had become of Ransom. I had not heard from him or of +him in a long time. But these thoughts would not do. I drove them +away. I resolved to mind my work and not read the papers, if I could +help it, and not think about politics or my friends' course in them. I +could do nothing. And in a few months I should be away, out of the +land.</p> + +<p>I kept my resolve pretty well. Indeed, I think nothing very particular +happened to disturb it for the next two or three weeks. I succeeded in +filling my head with work and being very happy in it. That is, +whenever I could forget more important things.<!-- Page 392 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_392" id="Page_392">[Pg 392]</a></span></p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIX" id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.</h2> + +<h3>ENTERED FOR THE WAR.</h3> + +<p class="cap">ONE evening, I think before the end of April, I asked permission to +spend the evening at Miss Cardigan's. I had on hand a piece of study +for which I wanted to consult certain books which I knew were in her +library. Mlle. Géneviève gave me leave gladly.</p> + +<p>"You do study too persevering, m'amie," she said. "Go, and stop to +study for a little while. You are pale. I am afraid your doctor—ce +bon Monsieur le docteur—will scold us all by and by. Go, and do not +study."</p> + +<p>But I determined to have my play and my study too.</p> + +<p>As I passed through Miss Cardigan's hall, the parlour door, standing +half open let me see that a gentleman was with her. Not wishing to +interrupt any business that might be going on, and not caring also to +be bored with it myself, I passed by and went into the inner room +where the books were. I would study now, I thought, and take my +pleasure with my dear old friend by and by, when she was at leisure. I +had found my books, and<!-- Page 393 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_393" id="Page_393">[Pg 393]</a></span> had thrown myself down on the floor with one, +when a laugh that came from the front room laid a spell upon my powers +of study. The book fell from my hands; I sat bolt upright, every sense +resolved into that of hearing. What, and who had that been? I +listened. Another sound of a word spoken, another slight inarticulate +suggestion of laughter; and I knew with an assured knowledge that my +friend Cadet Thorold, and no other, was the gentleman in Miss +Cardigan's parlour with whom she had business. I sat up and forgot my +books. The first impulse was to go in immediately and show myself. I +can hardly tell what restrained me. I remembered that Miss Cardigan +must have business with him, and I had better not interrupt it. But +those sounds of laughter had not been very business-like, either. Nor +were they business words which came through the open door. I never +thought or knew I was listening. I only thought it was Thorold, and +held my breath to hear, or rather to feel. My ears seemed sharpened +beyond all their usual faculty.</p> + +<p>"And you haven't gone and fallen in love, callant, meanwhile, just to +complicate affairs?" said the voice of Miss Cardigan.</p> + +<p>"I shall never fall in love," said Thorold, with (I suppose) mock +gravity. His voice sounded so.</p> + +<p>"Why not?"</p> + +<p>"I require too much."</p> + +<p>"It's like your conceit!" said Miss Cardigan. "Now, what is it that +you require? I would like to know; that is, if you know yourself. It +appears that you have thought about it."</p> + +<p>"I have thought, till I have got it all by heart," said Thorold. "The +worst is, I shall never find it in this world."</p> + +<p>"That's likely. Come, lad, paint your picture, and I'll tell you if +<i>I</i> know where to look," said Miss Cardigan.<!-- Page 394 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_394" id="Page_394">[Pg 394]</a></span></p> + +<p>"And then you'll search for me?"</p> + +<p>"I dinna ken if you deserve it," said Miss Cardigan.</p> + +<p>"I don't deserve it, of course," said Thorold. "Well—I have painted +the likeness a good many times. The first thing is a pair of eyes as +deep and grey as our mountain lakes."</p> + +<p>"I never heard that your Vermont lakes were <i>grey</i>," said Miss +Cardigan.</p> + +<p>"Oh, but they are! when the shadow of the mountains closes them in. It +is not cold grey, but purple and brown, the shadow of light, as it +were; the lake is in shadow. Only, if a bit of blue <i>does</i> show itself +there, it is the very heaven."</p> + +<p>"I hope that it is not going to be in poetry?" said Miss Cardigan's +voice, sounding dry and amused. "What is the next thing? It is a very +good picture of eyes."</p> + +<p>"The next thing is a mouth that makes you think of nothing but kissing +it; the lines are so sweet, and so mobile, and at the same time so +curiously subdued. A mouth that has learned to smile when things don't +go right; and that has learned the lesson so well, you cannot help +thinking it must have often known things go wrong; to get the habit so +well, you know."</p> + +<p>"Eh?—Why, boy!"—cried Miss Cardigan.</p> + +<p>"Do you know anybody like it?" said Thorold, laughing. "If you do, you +are bound to let me know where, you understand."</p> + +<p>"What lies between the eyes and mouth?" said Miss Cardigan. "There +goes more to a picture."</p> + +<p>"Between the eyes and mouth," said Thorold, "there is sense and +dignity, and delicacy, and refinement to a fastidious point; and a +world of strength of character in the little delicate chin."</p> + +<p>"Character—<i>that</i> shows in the mouth," said Miss Cardigan, slowly.<!-- Page 395 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_395" id="Page_395">[Pg 395]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I told you so," said Thorold. "That is what I told you. Truth, and +love, and gentleness, all sit within those little red lips; and a +great strength of will, which you cannot help thinking has borne +something to try it. The brow is like one of our snowy mountain tops +with the sun shining on it."</p> + +<p>"And the lady's figure is like a pine-tree, isn't it? It sounds gay, +as if you'd fallen in love with Nature, and so personified and imaged +her in human likeness. Is it real humanity?"</p> + +<p>Thorold laughed his gay laugh. "The pine-tree will do excellently, +Aunt Catherine," he said. "No better embodiment of stately grace could +be found."</p> + +<p>My ears tingled. "Aunt Catherine?" <i>Aunt!</i> Then Thorold must be her +relation, her nephew; then he was not come on business; then he would +stay to tea. I might as well show myself. But, I thought, if Thorold +had some other lady so much in his mind (for I was sure his picture +must be in a portrait), he would not care so very much about seeing +me, as I had at first fancied he would. However, I could not go away; +so I might as well go in; it would not do to wait longer. The evening +had quite fallen now. It was April, as I said, but a cold, raw spring +day, and had been like that for several days. Houses were chill; and +in Miss Cardigan's grate a fine fire of Kennal coals were blazing, +making its red illumination all over the room and the two figures who +sat in front of it. She had had a grate put in this winter. There was +no other light, only that soft red glow and gloom, under favour of +which I went in and stood almost beside them before they perceived me. +I did not speak to Miss Cardigan. I remember my words were, "How do +you do, Mr. Thorold?"—in a very quiet kind of a voice; for I did not +now expect him to be very glad. But I was sur<!-- Page 396 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_396" id="Page_396">[Pg 396]</a></span>prised at the change my +words made. He sprang up, his eyes flashing a sort of shower of sparks +over me, gladness in every line of his face, and surprise, and a kind +of inexpressible deference in his manner.</p> + +<p>"Daisy!" he exclaimed. "Miss Randolph!"</p> + +<p>"Daisy!" echoed Miss Cardigan. "My dear—do you two know each other? +Where did you come from?"</p> + +<p>I think I did not answer. I am sure Thorold did not. He was caring for +me, placing his chair nearer his aunt, and putting me into it, before +he let go the hand he had taken. Then, drawing up another chair on the +other side of me, he sat down, looking at me (I thought afterwards, I +only felt at the moment), as if I had been some precious wonder; the +Koh-i-noor diamond, or anything of that sort.</p> + +<p>"Where did you come from?" was his first question.</p> + +<p>"I have been in the house a little while," I said. "I thought at first +Miss Cardigan had somebody with her on business, so I would not come +in."</p> + +<p>"It is quite true, Daisy," said Miss Cardigan; "it is somebody on +business."</p> + +<p>"Nothing private about it, though," said Thorold, smiling at me. "But +where in the world did you and Aunt Catherine come together?"</p> + +<p>"And what call have ye to search into it?" said Miss Cardigan's +good-humoured voice. "I know a great many bodies, callant, that you +know not."</p> + +<p>"I know this one, though," said Thorold. "Miss Randolph—won't you +speak? for Aunt Catherine is in no mood to tell me—have you two known +each other long?"</p> + +<p>"It seems long," I said. "It is not very long."<!-- Page 397 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_397" id="Page_397">[Pg 397]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Since last summer?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly!"</p> + +<p>"If that's the date of <i>your</i> acquaintanceship," said Miss Cardigan, +"we're auld friends to that. Is all well, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"All quite well, ma'am. I came to do a bit of study I wanted in your +books, and to have a nice time with you, besides."</p> + +<p>"And here is this fellow in the way. But we cannot turn him out, +Daisy; he is going fast enough; on what errand, do you think, is he +bent?"</p> + +<p><i>I</i> had not thought about it till that minute. Something, some thread +of the serious, in Miss Cardigan's voice, made me look suddenly at +Thorold. He had turned his eyes from me and had bent them upon the +fire, all merriment gone out of his face, too. It was thoroughly +grave.</p> + +<p>"What are you going to do, Mr. Thorold?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Do you remember a talk we had down on Flirtation Walk one day last +summer, when you asked me about possible political movements at the +South, and I asked you what you would do?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," I said, my heart sinking.</p> + +<p>"The time has come," he said, facing round upon me.</p> + +<p>"And you—?"</p> + +<p>"I shall be on my way to Washington in a few days. Men are wanted +now—all the men that have any knowledge to be useful. I may not be +very useful. But I am going to try."</p> + +<p>"I thought"—it was not quite easy to speak, for I was struggling with +something which threatened to roughen my voice—"I thought you did not +graduate till June?"</p> + +<p>"Not regularly; not usually; but things are extraordinary this year. +We graduate and go on to Washington at once."<!-- Page 398 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_398" id="Page_398">[Pg 398]</a></span></p> + +<p>I believe we were all silent a few minutes.</p> + +<p>"Daisy," said Miss Cardigan, "you have nobody that is dear to <i>you</i> +likely to be engaged in the fray—if there is one?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know—" I said, rather faintly. I remember I said it; I +cannot tell why, for I <i>did</i> know. I knew that Preston and Ransom were +both likely to be in the struggle, even if Ransom had been at the +moment at the opposite side of the world. But then Thorold roused up +and began to talk. He talked to divert us, I think. He told us of +things that concerned himself and his class personally, giving details +to which we listened eagerly; and he went on from them to things and +people in the public line, of which and of whom neither Miss Cardigan +nor I had known the thousandth part so much before. We sat and +listened, Miss Cardigan often putting in a question, while the warm +still glow of the firelight shed over us and all the room its +assurance of peace and quiet, woven and compounded of life-long +associations. Thorold sat before us and talked, and we looked at him +and listened in the fire-shine; and my thoughts made swift sideway +flights every now and then from this peace and glow of comfort, and +from Thorold's talk, to the changes of the camp and the possible +coming strife; spectres of war, guns and swords, exposure and +wounds—and sickness—and the battlefield—what could I tell? and Miss +Cardigan's servant put another lump of coal on the fire, and Thorold +presently broke it, and the jet of illumination sprang forth, mocking +and yet revealing in its sweet home glow my visions of terror. They +were but momentary visions; I could not bear, of course, to look +steadily at them; they were spectres that came and went with a wave of +a hand, in a jet of flame, or the shadow of an opening door; but they +went and came; and I saw many things in<!-- Page 399 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_399" id="Page_399">[Pg 399]</a></span> Thorold's face that night +besides the manly lines of determination and spirit, the look of +thought and power, and the hover of light in his eye when it turned to +me. I don't know what Miss Cardigan saw; but several times in the +evening I heard her sigh; a thing very unusual and notable with her. +Again and again I heard it, a soft long breath.</p> + +<p>I gave it no heed at the time. My eyes and thoughts were fixed on the +other member of the party; and I was like one in a dream. I walked in +a dream; till we went into the other room to tea, and I heard Miss +Cardigan say, addressing her nephew—</p> + +<p>"Sit there, Christian."</p> + +<p>I was like one in a dream, or I should have known what this meant. I +did know two minutes afterwards. But at the moment, falling in with +some of my thoughts, the word made me start and look at Thorold. I +cannot tell what was in my look; I know what was in my heart; the +surprised inquiry and the yearning wish. Thorold's face flushed. He +met my eyes with an intense recognition and inquiry in his own, and +then, I am almost sure, his were dim. He set my chair for me at the +table, and took hold of me and put me in it with a very gentle touch +that seemed to thank me.</p> + +<p>"That is my name, Miss Randolph," he said, "the name given me by my +parents."</p> + +<p>"You'll earn it yet, boy," said Miss Cardigan. "But the sooner the +better."</p> + +<p>There was after that a very deep gravity upon us all for the first +minutes at the table. I wondered to myself, how people can go on +drinking tea and eating bread and butter through everything; yet they +must, and even I was doing it at the moment, and not willing to forego +the occupation. By degrees<!-- Page 400 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_400" id="Page_400">[Pg 400]</a></span> the wonted course of things relieved our +minds, which were upon too high a strain. It appeared that Thorold was +very hungry, having missed his dinner somehow; and his aunt ordered up +everything in the house for his comfort, in which I suppose she found +her own. And then Thorold made me eat with him. I was sure I did not +want it, but that made no difference. Things were prepared for me and +put upon my plate, and a soft little command laid on me to do with +them what I was expected to do. It was not like the way Dr. Sandford +used to order me, nor in the least like Preston's imperiousness, which +I could withstand well enough; there was something in it which +nullified all my power and even will to resist, and I was as +submissive as possible. Thorold grew very bright again as the meal +went on, and began to talk in a somewhat livelier strain than he had +been in before tea; and I believe he did wile both his aunt and me out +of the sad or grave thoughts we had been indulging. I know that I was +obliged to laugh, as I was obliged to eat. Thorold had his own way, +and seemed to like it. Even his aunt was amused and interested, and +grew lively, like herself. With all that, through the whole +supper-time I had an odd feeling of her being on one side; it seemed +to be only Thorold and I really there; and in all Thorold was doing +and through all he was talking, I had a curious sense that he was +occupied only with me. It was not that he said so much directly to me +or looked so much at me; I do not know how I got the feeling. There +was Miss Cardigan at the head of the table busy and talking as usual, +clever and kind; yet the air seemed to be breathed only by Thorold and +me.</p> + +<p>"And how soon, lad," Miss Cardigan broke out suddenly, when a moment's +lull in the talk had given her a chance, "how soon<!-- Page 401 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_401" id="Page_401">[Pg 401]</a></span> will ye be off to +that region of disturbance whither ye are going?"</p> + +<p>"Washington?" said Thorold. "Just as soon as our examination can be +pushed through; in a very few days now."</p> + +<p>"You'll come to me by the way, for another look at you, in your +officer's uniform?"</p> + +<p>"Uniform? nobody will have any uniform, I fancy," said Thorold; +"nobody has any time to think of that. No, Aunt Catherine, and I shall +not see you, either. I expect we shall rush through without the loss +of a train. I can't stop. I don't care what clothes I wear to get +there."</p> + +<p>"How came you to be here now, if you are in such a hurry?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing on earth would have brought me, but the thing that did bring +me," said Thorold. "I was subpœnaed down, to give my evidence in a +trial. I must get back again without loss of a minute; should have +gone to-night, if there had been a train that stopped. I am very glad +there was no train that stopped!"</p> + +<p>We were all silent for a minute; till the door-bell rang, and the +servant came, announcing Mr. Bunsen, to see Miss Cardigan about the +tenant houses. Miss Cardigan went off through the open doors that led +to the front parlour; and standing by the fire, I watched her figure +diminishing in the long distance till it passed into Mr. Bunsen's +presence and disappeared. Mr. Thorold and I stood silently on either +side of the hearth, looking into the fire, while the servant was +clearing the table. The cheerful, hospitable little table, round which +we had been so cheerful at least for the moment, was dismantled +already, and the wonted cold gleam of the mahogany seemed to tell me +that cheer was all over. The talk of the uniform had overset me. All +sorts of visions of what it signified, what it portended, where<!-- Page 402 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_402" id="Page_402">[Pg 402]</a></span> it +would go, what it would be doing, were knocking at the door of my +heart, and putting their heads in. Before tea these visions had come +and vanished; often enough, to be sure; now they came and stayed. I +was very quiet, I am certain of that; I was as certainly very sober, +with a great and growing sadness at my heart. I think Thorold was +grave, too, though I hardly looked at him. We did not speak to each +other all the time the servant was busy in the room. We stood silent +before the fire. The study I had come to do had all passed away out of +my mind, though the books were within three feet of me. I was growing +sadder and sadder every minute.</p> + +<p>"Things have changed, since we talked so lightly last summer of what +might be," Thorold said at last. And he said it in a meditative way, +as if he were pondering something.</p> + +<p>"Yes," I assented.</p> + +<p>"The North does not wish for war. The South have brought it upon +themselves."</p> + +<p>"Yes," I said again, wondering a little what was coming.</p> + +<p>"However disagreeable my duty may be, it is my duty; and there is no +shirking it."</p> + +<p>"No," I said. "Of course."</p> + +<p>"And if your friends are on one side and I on the other,—it is not my +fault, Miss Randolph."</p> + +<p>"No," I said; "not at all."</p> + +<p>"Then you do not blame me for taking the part I <i>must</i> take?"</p> + +<p>"No," I said. "You must take it."</p> + +<p>"Are you sorry I take it?" said Thorold with a change of tone, and +coming a step nearer.</p> + +<p>"Sorry?" I said, and I looked up for an instant. "No; how could I be +sorry? it is your duty. It is right." But as I looked down again I had +the greatest difficulty not to burst into tears.<!-- Page 403 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_403" id="Page_403">[Pg 403]</a></span> I felt as though my +heart would break in two with its burden of pain. It cost a great +effort to stand still and quiet, without showing anything.</p> + +<p>"What is it, then?" said Thorold; and with the next words I knew he +had come close to my side and was stooping his head down to my face, +while his voice dropped. "What is it, Daisy?—Is it—O Daisy, I love +you better than anything else in the world, except my duty! Daisy, do +you love me?"</p> + +<p>Nothing could have been more impossible to me, I think, than to answer +a word; but, indeed, Thorold did not seem to want it. As he questioned +me, he had put his arm round me and drawn me nearer and nearer, +stooping his face to me, till his lips took their own answer at mine; +indeed, took answer after answer, and then, in a sort of passion of +mute joy, kissed my face all over. I could not forbid him; between +excitement and sorrow and happiness and shame, I could do nothing. The +best I could do was to hide my face; but the breast of that grey coat +was a strange hiding-place for it. With that inconsistent mingling of +small things with great in one's perceptions, which everybody knows, I +remember the soft feel of the fine grey cloth along with the clasp of +Thorold's arms and the touch of his cheek resting upon my hair. And we +stood so, quite still, for what seemed both a long and a short time, +in which I think happiness got the upper hand with me, and pain for +the moment was bid into the background. At last Thorold raised his +head and bade me lift up mine.</p> + +<p>"Look up, darling," he said; "look up, Daisy! let me see your face. +Look up, Daisy—we have only a minute, and everything in the world to +say to each other. Daisy—I want to see you."<!-- Page 404 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_404" id="Page_404">[Pg 404]</a></span></p> + +<p>I think it was one of the most difficult little things I ever had in +my life to do, to raise my face and let him look at it; but I knew it +must be done, and I did it. One glance at his I ventured. He was +smiling at me; there was a flush upon his cheek; his eye had a light +in it, and with that a glow of tenderness which was different from +anything I had ever seen; and it was glittering, too, I think, with +another sort of suffusion. His hand came smoothing down my hair and +then touching my cheek while he looked at me.</p> + +<p>"What are you going to do with yourself now?" he said softly.</p> + +<p>"I am going on with my studies for another month or two."</p> + +<p>"And you belong to me, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>He bent his head and kissed my brow. There is an odd difference of +effect between a kiss on the lips and on the forehead, or else it was +a difference in the manner. This seemed a sort of taking possession or +setting a seal; and it gave me a new feeling of something almost like +awe, which I had never associated with the grey coat or with its +wearer before. Along with that came another impression that I suppose +most women know, and know how sweet it is; the sense of an enveloping +protection. Not that I had not been protected all my life; but my +mother's had been the protection of authority; my father's also, in +some measure; Dr. Sandford's was emphatically that of a <i>guardian</i>; he +guarded me a little too well. But this new thing that was stealing +into my heart, with its subtle delight, was the protection of a +champion; of one who set me and mine above all other interests or +claims in the world, and who would guard me as if he were a part of +myself, only stronger. Alto<!-- Page 405 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_405" id="Page_405">[Pg 405]</a></span>gether Thorold seemed to me different from +what he had been the last summer; there was a gravity now in his face +and air at times that was new and even stern; the gravity of a man +taking stern life work upon him. I felt all this in a minute, while +Thorold was smiling down into my face.</p> + +<p>"And you will write to me?" he said.</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"And I will write to you. And I belong to you, Daisy, and to no other. +All I have is yours, and all that I am is yours—after my duty; you +may dispose of me, pretty one, just as you like. <i>You</i> would not have +that put second, Daisy."</p> + +<p>A great yearning came over me, so great and strong that it almost took +away my breath. I fancy it spoke in my eyes, for Thorold's face grew +very grave, I remember, as he looked at me. But I must speak it more +plainly than so, at any costs, breath or no breath, and I must not +wait.</p> + +<p>"Christian," I whispered, "won't you earn your right to your name?"</p> + +<p>He pressed his lips upon mine by way of answer first, and then gave me +a quick and firm "Yes." I certainly thought he had found a mouth he +was talking of a little while ago. But at that instant the sound of +the distant house door closing, and then of steps coming out from the +parlour, made me know that Miss Cardigan's business was over, and that +she was returning to us. I wanted to free myself from Thorold's arm, +but he would not let me; on the contrary, held me closer, and half +turned to meet Miss Cardigan as she came in. Certainly men are very +different from women. There we stood, awaiting her; and I felt very +much ashamed.</p> + +<p>"Come on, Aunt Catherine," Thorold said, as she paused at<!-- Page 406 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_406" id="Page_406">[Pg 406]</a></span> the +door,—"come in, come in, and kiss her—this little darling is mine."</p> + +<p>Miss Cardigan came in slowly. I could not look up.</p> + +<p>"Kiss her, Aunt Catherine," he repeated; "she is mine."</p> + +<p>And to my great dismay he set her the example; but I think it was +partly to reassure me, and cover my confusion, which he saw.</p> + +<p>"I have kissed Daisy very often before now," said Miss Cardigan. I +thought I discerned some concern in her voice.</p> + +<p>"Then come, do it again," said Thorold, laughing. "You never kissed +her as anything belonging to me, Aunt Catherine."</p> + +<p>And he fairly laid me in Miss Cardigan's arms, till we kissed each +other as he desired. But Miss Cardigan's gravity roused me out of my +confusion. I was not ashamed before her; only before him.</p> + +<p>"Now, Aunt Catherine," he said, pulling up a comfortable arm chair to +the corner of the hearth, "sit there. And Daisy—come here!"</p> + +<p>He put me into the fellow chair; and then built up the wood in the +fireplace till we had a regular illumination. Then drew himself up +before the fire, and looked at his aunt.</p> + +<p>"It's like you!" broke out Miss Cardigan. "Ever since you were born, I +think, you did what you liked, and had what you liked; and threw over +everything to get at the best."</p> + +<p>"On the contrary," said Thorold, "I was always of a very contented +disposition."</p> + +<p>"Contented with your own will, then," said his aunt. "And now, do you +mean to tell me that you have got this prize—this prize—it's a first +class, Christian—for good and for certain to yourself?"<!-- Page 407 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_407" id="Page_407">[Pg 407]</a></span></p> + +<p>I lifted my eyes one instant, to see the sparkles in Thorold's eyes; +they were worth seeing.</p> + +<p>"You don't think you deserve it?" Miss Cardigan went on.</p> + +<p>"I do not think I deserve it," said Thorold. "But I think I will."</p> + +<p>"I know what that means," said his aunt. "You will get worldly +glory—just a bit or two more of gold on your coat—to match you with +one of the Lord's jewels, that are to be 'all glorious within'; and +you think that will fit you to own her."</p> + +<p>"Aunt Catherine," said Thorold, "I do not precisely think that gold +lace is glory. But I mean that I will do my duty. A man can do no +more."</p> + +<p>"Some would have said 'a man can do no less,'" said Miss Cardigan, +turning to me. "But you are right, lad; more than our duty we can none +of us do; where <i>all</i> is owing, less will not be overpay. But whatever +do you think her father will say to you?"</p> + +<p>"I will ask him when the time comes," said Thorold, contentedly. His +tone was perfect, both modest and manly. Truth to say, I could not +quite share his content in looking forward to the time he spoke of; +but that was far ahead, and it was impossible not to share his +confidence. My father and my mother had been practically not my +guardians during six and a half long years; I had got out of the habit +of looking first to them.</p> + +<p>"And what are you going to do now in Washington?" said his aunt. "You +may as well sit down and tell us."</p> + +<p>"I don't know. Probably I shall be put to drill new recruits. All +these seventy-five thousand men that the President has called for, +won't know how to handle a gun or do anything else."</p> + +<p>"And what is he going to do with these seventy-five thousand men, +Christian?"<!-- Page 408 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_408" id="Page_408">[Pg 408]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Put down treason, if he can. Don't you realize yet that we have a +civil war on our hands, Aunt Catherine? The Southern States are +mustering and sending their forces; we must meet them, or give up the +whole question; that is, give up the country."</p> + +<p>"And what is it that <i>they</i> will try to do?" said Miss Cardigan. "It +is a mystery to me what they want; but I suppose I know; only bad men +are a mystery to me always."</p> + +<p>"They will try to defy the laws," said Thorold. "We will try to see +them executed."</p> + +<p>"They seem very fierce," said Miss Cardigan; "to judge by what they +say."</p> + +<p>"And do," added Thorold. "I think there is a sort of madness in +Southern blood."</p> + +<p>He spoke with a manner of disgustful emphasis. I looked up at him to +see an expression quite in keeping with his words. Miss Cardigan cried +out—</p> + +<p>"Hey, lad! ye're confident, surely, to venture your opinions so +plainly and so soon!"</p> + +<p>His face changed, as if sunlight had been suddenly poured over it. He +came kneeling on one knee before me, taking my hand and kissing it, +and laughing.</p> + +<p>"And I see ye're not confident without reason!" added Miss Cardigan. +"Daisy'll just let ye say your mind, and no punish you for it."</p> + +<p>"But it is <i>true</i>, Miss Cardigan," I said, turning to her. I wished I +had held my tongue the next minute, for the words were taken off my +lips, as it were. It is something quite different from eating your own +words, which I have heard of as not being pleasant; mine seemed to be +devoured by somebody else.<!-- Page 409 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_409" id="Page_409">[Pg 409]</a></span></p> + +<p>"But is it true they are coming to attack Washington?" Miss Cardigan +went on, when we had all done laughing. "I read it in the prints; and +it seems to me I read every other thing there."</p> + +<p>"I am afraid you read too many prints," said Thorold. "You are +thinking of 'hear both sides,' Aunt Catherine? You must know there is +but one side to this matter. There never are two sides to treason."</p> + +<p>"That's true," said Miss Cardigan. "But about Washington, lad? I saw +an extract from a letter written from that city, by a lady, and she +said the place was in a terror; she said the President sleeps with a +hundred men, armed, in the east room, to protect him from the Southern +army; and keeps a sentinel before his bedroom door; and often goes +clean out of the White House and sleeps somewhere else, in his fear."</p> + +<p>I had never seen Thorold laugh as he did then. And he asked his aunt +"where she had seen that extract?"</p> + +<p>"It was in one of the papers—it was in an extract itself, I'm +thinking."</p> + +<p>"From a Southern paper," said Thorold.</p> + +<p>"Well, I believe it was."</p> + +<p>"I have seen extracts, too," said Thorold. "They say, Alexander H. +Stephens is counselling the rebels to lay hold on Washington."</p> + +<p>"Well, sit down and tell us what you do know, and how to understand +things," said Miss Cardigan. "I don't talk to anybody, much, about +politics."</p> + +<p>So Thorold did as he was asked. He sat down on the other side of me, +and with my hand in his, talked to us both. We went over the whole +ground of the few months past, of the work then doing and preparing, +of what might reasonably be looked<!-- Page 410 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_410" id="Page_410">[Pg 410]</a></span> for in both the South and the +North. He said he was not very wise in the matter; but he was +infinitely more informed than we; and we listened as to the most +absorbing of all tales, till the night was far worn. A sense of the +gravity and importance of the crisis; a consciousness that we were +embarked in a contest of the most stubborn character, the end of which +no man might foretell, pressed itself more and more on my mind as the +night and the talk grew deeper. If I may judge from the changes in +Miss Cardigan's face, it was the same with her. The conclusion was, +the North was gathering and concentrating all her forces to meet the +trial that was coming; and the young officers of the graduating class +at the Military Academy had been ordered to the seat of war a little +before their time of study was out, their help being urgently needed.</p> + +<p>"And where is Preston?" said I, speaking for the first time in a long +while.</p> + +<p>"Preston?" echoed Thorold.</p> + +<p>"My Cousin Preston—Gary; your classmate Gary."</p> + +<p>"Gary! Oh, he is going to Washington, like the rest of us."</p> + +<p>"Which side will he take?"</p> + +<p>"You should know, perhaps, better than I," said Thorold. "He always +<i>has</i> taken the Southern side, and very exclusively."</p> + +<p>"<i>Has</i> taken?" said I. "Do you mean that among the cadets there has +been a South and a North—until now, lately?"</p> + +<p>"Aye, Daisy, always, since I have been in the Academy. The Southern +clique and the Northern clique have been well defined; there is always +an assumption of superiority on the one side, and some resenting of it +on the other side. It was on that ground Gary and I split."</p> + +<p>"Split!" I repeated.<!-- Page 411 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_411" id="Page_411">[Pg 411]</a></span></p> + +<p>But Thorold laughed and kissed me, and would give me no satisfaction. +I began to put things together, though. I saw from Christian's eyes +that <i>he</i> had nothing to be ashamed of, in looking back; I remembered +Preston's virulence, and his sudden flush when somebody had repeated +the word "coward," which he had applied to Thorold. I felt certain +that more had been between them than mere words, and that Preston +found the recollection not flattering, whatever it was; and having +come to this settlement of the matter, I looked up at Thorold.</p> + +<p>"My gentle little Daisy!" he said. "I will never quarrel with him +again—if I can help it."</p> + +<p>"You <i>must</i> quarrel with him, if he is on the wrong side," I answered. +"And so must I."</p> + +<p>"You say you must go immediately back to West Point," said Miss +Cardigan. "Leave thanking Daisy's hand, and tell me <i>when</i> you are +going; for the night is far past, children."</p> + +<p>"I am gone when I bid you good-night," said Thorold. "I must set out +with the dawn—to catch the train I must take."</p> + +<p>"With the dawn!—<i>this</i> morning!" cried Miss Cardigan.</p> + +<p>"Certainly. I should be there this minute, if the colonel had not +given me something to do here that kept me."</p> + +<p>"And when will ye do it?"</p> + +<p>"Do it! It is done," said Thorold; "before I came here. But I must +catch the first train in the morning."</p> + +<p>"And you'll want some breakfast before that," she said, rising.</p> + +<p>"No, I shall not," said Thorold, catching hold of her. "I want +nothing. I <i>did</i> want my supper. Sit down, Aunt Catherine, and be +quiet. I want nothing, I tell you, but more time."</p> + +<p>"We may as well sit up the rest of the night," I said; "it is so far +gone now."<!-- Page 412 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_412" id="Page_412">[Pg 412]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Yes, and what will you be good for to-morrow?" said Miss Cardigan. +"You must lie down and take a bit of rest."</p> + +<p>I felt no weariness; but I remember the grave, tender examination of +Thorold's eyes, which seemed to touch me with their love, to find out +whether I—and himself—might be indulged or not. It was a bit of the +thoughtful, watchful affection which always surrounded me when he was +near. I never had it just so from anybody else.</p> + +<p>"It won't do, Daisy," said he gaily. "You would not have me go in +company with self-reproaches all day to-morrow? You must lie down here +on the sofa; and, sleep or not, we'll all be still for two hours. Aunt +Catherine will thank me to stop talking for that length of time."</p> + +<p>I was not sleepy, but Miss Cardigan and Thorold would not be resisted. +Thorold wheeled up the sofa, piled the cushions, and made me lie down, +with the understanding that nobody should speak for the time he had +specified. Miss Cardigan, on her part, soon lost herself in her easy +chair. Thorold walked perseveringly up and down the room. I closed my +eyes and opened my eyes, and lay still and thought. It is all before +me now. The firelight fading and brightening: Thorold took care of the +fire; the gleam of the gaslight on the rows of books; Miss Cardigan's +comfortable figure gone to sleep in the corner of her chair; and the +figure which ever and anon came between me and the fire, piling or +arranging the logs of wood, and then paced up and down just behind me. +There was no sleep for my eyes, of course. How should there be? I +seemed to pass all my life in review, and as I took the bearings of my +present position I became calm.</p> + +<p>I rose up the moment the two hours were over, for I could bear<!-- Page 413 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_413" id="Page_413">[Pg 413]</a></span> the +silence no longer, nor the losing any more time. Thorold stopped his +walk then, and we had along talk over the fire by ourselves, while +Miss Cardigan slept on. Trust her, though, for waking up when there +was anything to be done. Long before dawn she roused herself and went +to call her servants and order our breakfast.</p> + +<p>"What are you going to do now, Daisy?" said Thorold, turning to me +with a weight of earnestness in his eyes, and a flash of that keen +inspection which they sometimes gave me.</p> + +<p>"You know," I said, "I am going to study as hard as I can for a month +or two more,—till my school closes."</p> + +<p>"What then, Daisy? Perhaps you will find some way to come on and see +me at Washington—if the rebels don't take it first?"</p> + +<p>It must be told.</p> + +<p>"No—I cannot.—My father and mother wish me to go out to them as soon +as I get a chance."</p> + +<p>"Where?"</p> + +<p>"In Switzerland."</p> + +<p>"Switzerland! To stay how long?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know—till the war is over, I suppose. I do not think they +would come back before."</p> + +<p>"I shall come and fetch you then, Daisy."</p> + +<p>But it seemed a long way off. And how much might be between. We were +both silent.</p> + +<p>"That is heavy for me," said Thorold at last. "Little Daisy, you do +not know how heavy!"</p> + +<p>He was caressing my hair, smoothing and stroking it as he spoke. I +looked up and his eyes flashed fire instantly.</p> + +<p>"Say that in words!" he exclaimed, taking me in his arms. "Say it, +Daisy! say it. It will be worth so much to me."</p> + +<p>But my lips had hardly a chance to speak.<!-- Page 414 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_414" id="Page_414">[Pg 414]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Say what?"</p> + +<p>"Daisy, you <i>have</i> said it. Put it in words, that is all."</p> + +<p>But his eyes were so full of flashing triumph that I thought he had +got enough for the time.</p> + +<p>"Daisy, those eyes of yours are like mountain lakes, deep and still. +But when I look quite down to the bottom of them—sometimes I see +something—I thought I did then."</p> + +<p>"What?" I asked, very much amused.</p> + +<p>"I see it there now, Daisy!"</p> + +<p>I was afraid he did, for <i>his</i> eyes were like sunbeams, and I thought +they went through everything at that minute. I don't know what moved +me, the consciousness of this inspection or the consciousness of what +it discovered; but I know that floods of shyness seemed to flush my +face and brow, and even to the tips of my fingers. I would have +escaped if I could, but I could not; and I think Thorold rather liked +what he saw. There was no hiding it, unless I hid it on his shoulder, +and that I was ashamed to do. I felt that his lips knew just as well +as his eyes what state my cheeks were in, and took their own +advantage. Though presently their tenderness soothed me too, and even +nullified the soft little laugh with which he whispered, "Are you +ashamed to show it to <i>me</i>, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"You know," said I, still keeping my eyes veiled, "you have me at +advantage. If you were not going—away—so soon, I would not do a +great many things."</p> + +<p>"Daisy!" said he, laughing—"Daisy!"—And he touched my cheek as one +who meant to keep his advantage. Then his voice changed, and he +repeated, with a deeper and deepening tone with each word—"Daisy! my +Daisy!"</p> + +<p>I had very nearly burst out into great sobs upon his breast,<!-- Page 415 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_415" id="Page_415">[Pg 415]</a></span> with the +meeting of opposite tides of feeling. Sweet and bitter struggled for +the upper hand; struggled, while I was afraid he would feel the +laboured breath which went and came, straining me. And the sweetness, +for the moment, got the better. I knew he must go, in an hour or +little more, away from me. I knew it was for uncertain and maybe +dangerous duty. I knew it might at best be long before we could see +each other again; and back of all, the thought of my father and mother +was not reassuring. But his arms were round me and my head was on his +shoulder; and that was but the outward symbol of the inward love and +confidence which filled all my heart with its satisfying content. For +the moment happiness was uppermost. Not all the clouds on the horizon +could dim the brightness of that one sun ray which reached me.</p> + +<p>I do not know what Thorold thought, but he was as still for a while as +I was.</p> + +<p>"Daisy," he said at last, "my Daisy, you need not grudge any of your +goodness to me. Don't you know, you are to be my light and my +watchword in what lies before me?"</p> + +<p>"Oh no!" I said, lifting my head; "Oh no, Christian!"</p> + +<p>"Why no?" said he.</p> + +<p>"I want you to have a better watchword and follow a better light. Not +me. O Christian, won't you?"</p> + +<p>"What shall my watchword be?" said he, looking into my eyes. But I was +intent on something else then. I answered, "Whatsoever ye do, do all +in the name of the Lord Jesus."</p> + +<p>"A soldier, Daisy?"</p> + +<p>"A soldier more than anybody," I said; "for He calls us to be +soldiers, and you know what it means."</p> + +<p>"But you forget," said he, not taking his eyes from my face<!-- Page 416 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_416" id="Page_416">[Pg 416]</a></span>—"in my +service I must obey as well as command: I am not my own master +exactly."</p> + +<p>"Let Christ be your Master," I said.</p> + +<p>"How then with this other service?"</p> + +<p>"Why it is very plain," I said. "Command in the love of God and obey +in the fear of God; that covers all."</p> + +<p>I did not see the natural sequence of what followed; for it was a +succession of kisses that left no chance for a word to get out of my +mouth. Then Thorold rose up, and I saw Miss Cardigan enter.</p> + +<p>"I will not forget, Daisy," he said, in a tone as if we had been +talking of business. I thought, neither should I. And then came Miss +Cardigan, and the servant behind her bringing coffee and bread and +eggs and marmalade—I don't know what beside—and we sat down again to +the table, knowing that the next move would be a move apart. But the +wave of happiness was at the flood with me, and it bore me over all +the underlying roughness of the shore—for the time. I do not think +anybody wanted to eat much; we played with cups of coffee and with +each other, and dallied with the minutes till the last one was spent.</p> + +<p>And then came the parting. That was short.</p> +<hr /> +<h3>THE END.<br /><br /><br /></h3> + +<div class="bbox"> + +<h2>Transcriber's Notes</h2> + +<p class="center">The following items were considered to be typographical errors and +have been changed.<br /> Other typographic, spelling, punctuation errors and +parochial speech has been left as they appear in the book.</p> + +<dl> +<dt><a href="#Page_17">Page 17</a></dt><dd>Changed period into comma after the word "too" in the +sentence</dd><dd>"But I think it is nice to know things too," said I.</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_37">Page 37</a></dt><dd>Corrected "awkward" from "awkard" in the sentence</dd><dd>They were +giggling and grinning, hopping on one foot, and going into other +awkward antics; not the less that most of them had their arms filled +with little black babies.</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_40">Page 40</a></dt><dd>Changed question mark to period and deleted quotation mark in +the sentence</dd><dd>I asked what they all were."</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_51">Page 51</a></dt><dd>Changed single quote to double quote after "light" in the +sentence</dd><dd>"They must be very dark if they could not understand light," +said my governess.</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_56">Page 56</a></dt><dd>Removed superfluous "n" from governess in </dd><dd>Then I remembered +that my governess probably did care for some fruit</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_87">Page 87</a></dt><dd>Corrected "string" to read "sting" in the sentence</dd><dd>It has a +sting of its own, for which there is neither salve nor remedy; and it +had the aggravation, in my case, of the sense of personal dishonour.</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_91">Page 91</a></dt><dd>Added apostrophe to "girls" in the sentence</dd><dd>I have a +recollection of the girl's terrified face, but I heard nothing more.</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_93">Page 93</a></dt><dd>removed " from the start of the sentence</dd><dd>They had been gone +half an hour, when Preston stole in and came to the side of my bed, +between me and the firelight.</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_97">Page 97</a></dt><dd>Added " after Melbourne in the sentence</dd><dd>"We shall have to +let her do just as they did at Melbourne," said my aunt.</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_110">Page 110</a></dt><dd>Added " after the word "by" in the sentence</dd><dd>"Mass' Preston +come last night," she went on; "so I reckon Miss Daisy'll want to wear +it by and by."</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_163">Page 163</a></dt><dd>Changed period to ? in the sentence</dd><dd>"Will that distress you +very much?"</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_178">Page 178</a></dt><dd>Changed Mr. to Dr. in the sentence</dd><dd>"But, Dr. +Sandford," I said, "nobody can belong to anybody—in that way."</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_193">Page 193</a></dt><dd>Changed 'be' to 'he' in the sentence starting</dd><dd>I believe I +half wished be would make some objection;</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_206">Page 206</a></dt><dd>Added "le" to "aves" to make "leaves" in</dd><dd>"You wouldn't say +so, if you knew the work it is to set those leaves round," said the +mantua-maker.</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_240">Page 240</a></dt><dd>Changed "for" into "far" in</dd><dd>but I am afraid the rule of the +Good Samaritan would put us far apart.</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_249">Page 249</a></dt><dd>Changed exclamation mark to question mark in</dd><dd>"Is there so +much trouble everywhere in the world?"</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_250">Page 250</a></dt><dd>Changed "I" to "It" in</dd><dd>It was a good photograph, and had +beauty enough besides to hold my eyes.</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_257">Page 257</a></dt><dd>Capitalised "W" in</dd><dd>Is it Daisy Randolph? What have you done +to yourself?</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_266">Page 266</a></dt><dd> changed beside to bedside in</dd><dd>I heard no sound while I was +undressing, nor while I knelt, as usual now, by my bedside.</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_283">Page 283</a></dt><dd>Changed rapidily to rapidly in</dd><dd>I watched him rapidly +walking into the library;</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_285">Page 285</a></dt><dd>Added question mark instead of period to</dd><dd>"Are you tired?"</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_316">Page 316</a></dt><dd>Changed inmediately to immediately in</dd><dd>and placed himself +immediately beside his summoner,</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_349">Page 349</a></dt><dd>Changed "not" to "nor" in</dd><dd>"I cannot help that. He is +neither gentlemanly in his habits nor true in his speech."</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_350">Page 350</a></dt><dd>Added comma after "said" in</dd><dd>"You must not wear the same +thing twice running," she said, "not if you can help it."</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_355">Page 355</a></dt><dd>Changed period to question mark after "next" in</dd><dd>Who is +next? Major Banks? Take care, Daisy, or you'll do some mischief."</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_374">Page 374</a></dt><dd>Deleted comma after "see" in</dd><dd>Nevertheless, it was pleasant +to see the firm, still attitude, the fine proportions, the military +nicety of all his dress, which I had before noticed on the parade +ground.</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_386">Page 386</a></dt><dd>Changed subtance to substance in</dd><dd>men of business, men of +character and some substance,</dd> + +<dt><a href="#Page_407">Page 407</a></dt><dd>Changed "weel" to "well" in</dd><dd>"You may as well sit down and +tell us."</dd> +</dl> +</div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Daisy, by Elizabeth Wetherell + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DAISY *** + +***** This file should be named 27949-h.htm or 27949-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/9/4/27949/ + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Jen Haines and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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100644 index 0000000..af2c55c --- /dev/null +++ b/27949-page-images/p417.png diff --git a/27949.txt b/27949.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f27af15 --- /dev/null +++ b/27949.txt @@ -0,0 +1,14635 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Daisy, by Elizabeth Wetherell + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Daisy + +Author: Elizabeth Wetherell + +Release Date: January 31, 2009 [EBook #27949] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DAISY *** + + + + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Jen Haines and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + + DAISY. + + BY + ELIZABETH WETHERELL, + + + AUTHOR OF + "THE WIDE, WIDE WORLD," "QUEECHY," + ETC., ETC. + + [Illustration: Floral Squiggle] + + LONDON: + + WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED, + WARWICK HOUSE, SALISBURY SQUARE, E.C. + NEW YORK AND MELBOURNE. + + [Illustration: Frontis "'And you love Jesus, Darry,' I said." + _Page 59_ ] + + CONTENTS. + + PAGE + CHAPTER I. + MISS PINSHON 9 + + CHAPTER II. + MY HOME 27 + + CHAPTER III. + THE MULTIPLICATION TABLE 45 + + CHAPTER IV. + SEVEN HUNDRED PEOPLE 68 + + CHAPTER V. + IN THE KITCHEN 97 + + CHAPTER VI. + WINTER AND SUMMER 119 + + CHAPTER VII. + SINGLEHANDED 149 + + CHAPTER VIII. + EGYPTIAN GLASS 165 + + CHAPTER IX. + SHOPPING 185 + + CHAPTER X. + SCHOOL 205 + + CHAPTER XI. + A PLACE IN THE WORLD 226 + + CHAPTER XII. + FRENCH DRESSES 244 + + CHAPTER XIII. + GREY COATS 275 + + CHAPTER XIV. + YANKEES 297 + + CHAPTER XV. + FORT PUTNAM 320 + + CHAPTER XVI. + HOPS 338 + + CHAPTER XVII. + OBEYING ORDERS 356 + + CHAPTER XVIII. + SOUTH AND NORTH 379 + + CHAPTER XIX. + ENTERED FOR THE WAR 392 + + + + +DAISY. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + +MISS PINSHON. + + +I want an excuse to myself for writing my own life; an excuse for the +indulgence of going it all over again, as I have so often gone over +bits. It has not been more remarkable than thousands of others. Yet +every life has in it a thread of present truth and possible glory. Let +me follow out the truth to the glory. + +The first bright years of my childhood I will pass. They were +childishly bright. They lasted till my eleventh summer. Then the light +of heavenly truth was woven in with the web of my mortal existence; +and whatever the rest of the web has been, those golden threads have +always run through it all the rest of the way. Just as I reached my +birthday that summer and was ten years old, I became a Christian. + +For the rest of that summer I was a glad child. The brightness of +those days is a treasure safe locked up in a chamber of my memory. I +have known other glad times too in my life; other times of even higher +enjoyment. But among all the dried flowers of my memory, there is not +one that keeps a fresher perfume or a stronger scent of its life than +this one. Those were the days without cloud; before life shadows had +begun to cast their blackness over the landscape. And even though such +shadows do go as well as come, and leave the intervals as sunlit as +ever; yet after that change of the first life shadow is once seen, it +is impossible to forget that it may come again and darken the sun. I +do not mean that the days of that summer were absolutely without +things to trouble me; I had changes of light and shade; but, on the +whole, nothing that did not heighten the light. They were pleasant +days that I had in Juanita's cottage at the time when my ankle was +broken; there were hours of sweetness with crippled Molly; and it was +simply delight I had all alone with my pony Loupe, driving over the +sunny and shady roads, free to do as I liked and go where I liked. And +how I enjoyed studying English history with my cousin Preston. It is +all stowed away in my heart, as fresh and sweet as at first. I will +not pull it out now. The change, and my first real life shadow came, +when my father was thrown from his horse and injured his head. Then +the doctors decided he must go abroad and travel, and mamma decided +that it was best that I should go to Magnolia with Aunt Gary and have +a governess. + +There is no pleasure in thinking of those weeks. They went very +slowly, and yet very fast; while I counted every minute and noted +every step in the preparations. They were all over at last; my little +world was gone from me; and I was left alone with Aunt Gary. + +Her preparations had been made too; and the day after the steamer +sailed we set off on our journey to the south. I do not know much +about that journey. The things by the way were like objects in a mist +to me and no more clearly discerned. Now and then there came a rift in +the mist; something woke me up out of my sorrow-dream; and of those +points and of what struck my eyes at those minutes I have a most +intense and vivid recollection. I can feel yet the still air of one +early morning's start, and hear the talk between my aunt and the hotel +people about the luggage. My aunt was a great traveller and wanted no +one to help her or manage for her. I remember acutely a beggar who +spoke to us on the sidewalk at Washington. We stayed over a few days +in Washington, and then hurried on; for when she was on the road my +Aunt Gary lost not a minute. We went, I presume, as fast as we could +without travelling all night; and our last day's journey added that +too. + +By that time my head was getting steadied, perhaps, from the grief +which had bewildered it; or grief was settling down and taking its +proper place at the bottom of my heart, leaving the surface as usual. +For twelve hours that day we went by a slow railway train through a +country of weary monotony. Endless forests of pine seemed all that was +to be seen; scarce ever a village; here and there a miserable clearing +and forlorn-looking house; here and there stoppages of a few minutes +to let somebody out or take somebody in; once, to my great surprise, a +stop of rather more than a few minutes to accommodate a lady who +wanted some flowers gathered for her. I was surprised to see flowers +wild in the woods at that time of year, and much struck with the +politeness of the railway train that was willing to delay for such a +reason. We got out of the car for dinner, or for a short rest at +dinner-time. My aunt had brought her lunch in a basket. Then the +forests and the rumble of the cars began again. At one time the pine +forests were exchanged for oak, I remember; after that, nothing but +pine. + +It was late in the day, when we left the cars at one of those solitary +wayside station-houses. I shall never forget the look and feeling of +the place. We had been for some miles going through a region of swamp +or swampy woods, where sometimes the rails were laid on piles in the +water. This little station-house was in the midst of such a region. +The woods were thick and tangled with vines everywhere beyond the edge +of the clearing; the ground was wet beneath them, and in places showed +standing water. There was scarcely a clearing; the forest was all +round the house; with only the two breaks in it where on one side and +on the other the iron rail track ran off into the distance. It was a +lonely place; almost nobody was there waiting for the train; one or +two forlorn coloured people and a long lank-looking countryman, were +all. Except what at first prevented my seeing anything else--my cousin +Preston. He met me just as I was going to get down from the car; +lifted me to the platform, and then with his looks and words almost +broke up the composure which for several days had been growing upon +me. It was not hardened yet to bear attacks. I was like a poor +shell-fish, which, having lost one coat of armour and defence, craves +a place of hiding and shelter for itself until its new coat be grown. +While he was begging me to come into the station-house and rest, I +stood still looking up the long line of railway by which we had come, +feeling as if my life lay at the other end of it, out of sight and +quite beyond reach. Yet I asked him not to call me "poor" Daisy. I was +very tired, and I suppose my nerves not very steady. Preston said we +must wait at that place for another train; there was a fork in the +road beyond, and this train would not go the right way. It would not +take us to Baytown. So he had me into the station-house. + +It wearied me and so did all that my eyes lighted upon, strange though +it was. The bare room, not clean; the board partition, with swinging +doors, behind which, Preston said, were the cook and the baker! the +untidy waiting girls that came and went, with scant gowns and coarse +shoes, and no thread of white collar to relieve the dusky throat and +head rising out of the dark gown, and no apron at all. Preston did +what he could. He sent away the girls with their trays of eatables; he +had a table pulled out from the wall and wiped off, and then he +ordered a supper of eggs, and johnny cake, and all sorts of things. +But I could not eat. As soon as supper was over I went out on the +platform to watch the long lines of railway running off through the +forest, and wait for the coming train. The evening fell while we +looked; the train was late; and at last when it came I could only know +it in the distance by the red spark of its locomotive gleaming like a +firefly. + +It was a freight train, there was but one passenger car, and that was +full. We got seats with difficulty, and apart from each other. I +hardly know whether that, or anything, could have made me more +forlorn. I was already stiff and weary with the twelve hours of +travelling we had gone through that day; inexpressibly weary in heart. +It seemed to me that I could not long endure the rumble and the jar +and the closeness of this last car. The passengers, too, had habits +which made me draw my clothes as tight around me as I could, and +shrink away mentally into the smallest compass possible. I had noticed +the like, to be sure, ever since we left Washington; but to-night, in +my weary, faint, and tired-out state of mind and body every unseemly +sight or sound struck my nerves with a sense of pain that was hardly +endurable. I wondered if the train would go on all night; it went very +slowly. And I noticed that nobody seemed impatient or had the air of +expecting that it would soon find its journey's end. I felt as if I +could not bear it many half hours. My next neighbour was a fat, +good-natured, old lady, who rather made matters worse by putting her +arm round me and hugging me up, and begging me to make a pillow of her +and go to sleep. My nerves were twitching with impatience and the +desire for relief; when suddenly the thought came to me that I might +please the Lord by being patient. I remember what a lull the thought +of Him brought; and yet how difficult it was not to be impatient, till +I fixed my mind on some Bible words--they were the words of the +twenty-third Psalm--and began to think and pray them over. So good +they were, that by and by they rested me. I dropped asleep and forgot +my aches and weariness until the train arrived at Baytown. + +They took me to a hotel, then, and put me to bed, and I did not get up +for several days. I must have been feverish, for my fancies wandered +incessantly in unknown places with papa, in regions of the old world; +and sometimes, I think, took both him and myself to rest and home +where wanderings are over. After a few days this passed away. I was +able to come downstairs, and both Preston and his mother did their +best to take good care of me. Especially Preston. He brought me books, +and fruit, and birds to tempt me to eat, and was my kind and constant +companion when his mother was out, and indeed when she was in, too. So +I got better by the help of oranges and rice-birds. I could have got +better faster, but for my dread of a governess which was hanging over +me. I heard nothing about her and could not bear to ask. One day +Preston brought the matter up and asked if Daisy was going to have a +school-mistress? + +"Certainly," my Aunt Gary said. "She must be educated, you know." + +"_I_ don't know," said Preston; "but if they say so, I suppose she +must. Who is it to be, mamma?" + +"You do not know anything about it," said Aunt Gary. "If my son was +going to marry the greatest heiress in the State; and she is very +nearly that--goodness! I did not see you were there, Daisy, my dear; +but it makes no difference;--I should think it proper that she should +be educated." + +"I can't see what her being an heiress should have to do with it," +said Preston, "except rather to make it unnecessary as well as a bore. +Who is it, mamma?" + +"I have recommended Miss Pinshon." + +"Oh, then, it is not fixed yet." + +"Yes, it is fixed. Miss Pinshon is coming as soon as we get to +Magnolia." + +"I'll be off before that," said Preston. "Who is Miss Pinshon?" + +"How should _you_ know? She has lived at Jessamine Bank,--educated the +Dalzell girls." + +"What sort of a person, mamma!" + +"What sort of a person?" said my Aunt Gary; "why a governess sort of a +person. What sort should she be." + +"Any other sort in the world," said Preston, "for my money. That is +just the sort to worry poor little Daisy out of her life." + +"You are a foolish boy!" said Aunt Gary. "Of course if you fill +Daisy's head with notions, she will not get them out again. If you +have anything of that sort to say, you had better say it where she +will not hear." + +"Daisy has eyes--and a head," said Preston. + +As soon as I was able for it Preston took me out for short walks; and +as I grew stronger he made the walks longer. The city was a strange +place to me; very unlike New York; there was much to see and many a +story to hear; and Preston and I enjoyed ourselves. Aunt Gary was busy +making visits, I think. There was a beautiful walk by the sea which I +liked best of all; and when it was not too cold my greatest pleasure +was to sit there looking over the dark waters and sending my whole +soul across them to that unknown spot where my father and mother were. +"Home," that spot was to me. Preston did not know what I liked the +Esplanade for; he sometimes laughed at me for being poetic and +meditative; when I was only sending my heart over the water. But he +was glad to please me in all that he could; and whenever it was not +too cold, our walks always took me there. + +One day, sitting there, I remember we had a great argument about +studying. Preston began with saying that I must not mind this +governess that was coming, nor do anything she bade me unless I liked +it. As I gave him no answer, he repeated what he had said. + +"You know, Daisy, you are not obliged to care what she thinks." + +I said I thought I was. + +"What for?" said Preston. + +"I have a great deal to learn you know," I said, feeling it very +gravely indeed in my little heart. + +"What do you want to know so much?" said Preston. + +I said, everything. I was very ignorant. + +"You are no such thing," said Preston. "Your head is full this minute. +I think you have about as much knowledge as is good for you. I mean to +take care that you do not get too much." + +"O Preston," said I, "that is very wrong. I have not any knowledge +scarcely." + +"There is no occasion," said Preston stoutly. "I hate learned women." + +"Don't you like to learn things?" + +"That's another matter," said he. "A man must know things, or he can't +get along. Women are different." + +"But I think it is nice to know things too," said I. "I don't see how +it is different." + +"Why, a woman need not be a lawyer, or a doctor, or a professor," said +Preston; "all she need do, is to have good sense and dress herself +nicely." + +"Is dressing so important?" said I, with a new light breaking over me. + +"Certainly. Ribbons of the wrong colour will half kill a woman. And I +have heard Aunt Randolph say that a particular lady was ruined by her +gloves." + +"Ruined by her gloves!" said I. "Did she buy so many?" + +Preston went into such a laugh at that, I had to wait some time before +I could go on. I saw I had made some mistake, and I would not renew +that subject. + +"Do _you_ mean to be anything of that sort?" I said, with some want of +connection. + +"What sort? Ruined by my gloves? Not if I know it." + +"No, no! I mean, a lawyer or a doctor or a professor?" + +"I should think not!" said Preston, with a more emphatic denial. + +"Then, what are you studying for?" + +"Because, as I told you, Daisy, a man must know things, or he cannot +get on in the world." + +I pondered the matter, and then I said, I should think good sense +would make a woman study too. I did not see the difference. "Besides, +Preston," I said, "if she didn't, they would not be equal." + +"Equal!" cried Preston. "Equal! O Daisy, you ought to have lived in +some old times. You are two hundred years old, at least. Now don't go +to studying that, but come home. You have sat here long enough." + +It was my last hour of freedom. Perhaps for that reason I remember +every minute so distinctly. On our way home we met a negro funeral. I +stopped to look at it. Something, I do not know what, in the long line +of dark figures, orderly and even stately in their demeanour, the +white dresses of the women, the peculiar faces of men and women both, +fascinated my eyes. Preston exclaimed at me again. It was the +commonest sight in the world, he said. It was their pride to have a +grand funeral. I asked if _this_ was a grand funeral. Preston said +"pretty well; there must be several hundred of them and they were well +dressed." And then he grew impatient and hurried me on. But I was +thinking; and before we got to the hotel where we lodged, I asked +Preston if there were many coloured people at Magnolia. + +"Lots of them," he said. "There isn't anything else." + +"Preston," I said presently, "I want to buy some candy somewhere." + +Preston was very much pleased, I believe, thinking that my thoughts +had quite left the current of sober things. He took me to a famous +confectioner's; and there I bought sweet things till my little stock +of money was all gone. + +"No more funds?" said Preston. "Never mind--go on, and I'll help you. +Why I never knew you liked sugarplums so much. What next? burnt +almonds? _this_ is good, Daisy--this confection of roses. But you must +take all this sugar in small doses, or I am afraid it wouldn't be just +beneficial." + +"O Preston!" I said--"I do not mean to eat all this myself." + +"Are you going to propitiate Miss Pinshon with it? I have a +presentiment that sweets won't sweeten her, Daisy." + +"I don't know what 'propitiate' means," I said, sighing. "I will not +take the almonds, Preston." + +But he was determined I should; and to the almonds he added a quantity +of the delicate confection he spoke of, which I had thought too +delicate and costly for the uses I had purposed; and after the rose he +ordered candied fruits; till a great packet of varieties was made up. +Preston paid for them--I could not help it--and desired them sent +home; but I was bent on taking the package myself. Preston would not +let me do that, so he carried it; which was a much more serious token +of kindness, in him, than footing the bill. It was but a little way, +however, to the hotel. We were in the hall, and I was just taking my +sugars from Preston to carry them upstairs, when I heard Aunt Gary +call my name from the parlour. Instinctively, I cannot tell how, I +knew from her tone what she wanted me for. I put back the package in +Preston's hands, and walked in; my play over. + +How well I knew my play was over, when I saw my governess. She was +sitting by my aunt on the sofa. Quite different from what I had +expected, so different that I walked up to her in a maze, and yet +seemed to recognize in that first view all that was coming after. +Probably that is fancy; but it seems to me now that all I ever knew or +felt about Miss Pinshon in the years that followed, was duly begun and +betokened in those first five minutes. She was a young-looking lady, +younger looking than she was. She had a dark, rich complexion, and a +face that I suppose would have been called handsome; it was never +handsome to me. Long black curls on each side of her face, and large +black eyes, were the features that first struck one; but I immediately +decided that Miss Pinshon was not born a lady. I do not mean that I +think blood and breeding are unseverable; or that half a dozen lady +ancestors in a direct line secure the character to the seventh in +descent; though they _do_ often secure the look of it; nevertheless, +ladies are born who never know all their lives how to make a curtsey, +and curtseys are made with infinite grace by those who have nothing of +a lady beyond the trappings. I never saw Miss Pinshon do a rude or an +awkward thing, that I remember; nor one which changed my first mind +about her. She was handsomely dressed; but there again I felt the same +want. Miss Pinshon's dresses made me think always of the mercer's +counter and the dressmaker's shop. My mother's robes always seemed +part of her own self; and so, in a certain true sense, they were. + +My aunt introduced me. Miss Pinshon studied me. Her first remark was +that I looked very young. My aunt excused that, on the ground of my +having been always a delicate child. Miss Pinshon observed further +that the way I wore my hair produced part of the effect. My aunt +explained _that_ to my father's and mother's fancy; and agreed that +she thought cropped heads were always ungraceful. If my hair were +allowed to fall in ringlets on my neck I would look very different. +Miss Pinshon next inquired how much I knew? turning her great black +eyes from me to Aunt Gary. My aunt declared she could not tell; +delicate health had also here interfered; and she appealed to me to +say what knowledge I was possessed of. I could not answer. I could not +say. It seemed to me I had not learned anything. Then Preston spoke +for me. + +"Modesty is apt to be silent on its own merits," he said. "My cousin +has learned the usual rudiments; and in addition to those the art of +driving." + +"Of _what_? What did you say?" inquired my governess. + +"Of driving, ma'am. Daisy is an excellent whip for her years and +strength." + +Miss Pinshon turned to Preston's mother. My aunt confirmed and +enlarged the statement, again throwing the blame on my father and +mother. For herself, she always thought it very dangerous for a little +girl like me to go about in the country in a pony-chaise all alone. +Miss Pinshon's eyes could not be said to express anything, but to my +fancy they concealed a good deal. She remarked that the roads were +easy. + +"Oh, it was not here," said my aunt; "it was at the North, where the +roads are not like our pine forest. However the roads were not +dangerous there, that I know of; not for anybody but a child. But +horses and carriages are always dangerous." + +Miss Pinshon next applied herself to me. What did I know? "beside this +whip accomplishment," as she said. I was tongue-tied. It did not seem +to me that I knew anything. At last I said so. Preston exclaimed. I +looked at him to beg him to be still; and I remember how he smiled at +me. + +"You can read, I suppose?" my governess went on. + +"Yes, ma'am." + +"And write, I suppose?" + +"I do not think you would say I know how to write," I answered. "I +cannot do it at all well; and it takes me a long time." + +"Come back to the driving, Daisy," said Preston. "That is one thing +you do know. And English history, I will bear witness." + +"What have you got there, Preston?" my aunt asked. + +"Some horehound drops, mamma." + +"You haven't a sore throat?" she asked, eagerly. + +"No, ma'am--not just now, but I had yesterday; and I thought I would +be provided." + +"You seem provided for a long time," Miss Pinshon remarked. + +"Can't get anything up at Magnolia, except rice," said Preston, after +making the lady a bow which did not promise good fellowship. "You must +take with you what you are likely to want there." + +"You will not want all that," said his mother. + +"No ma'am, I hope not," said Preston, looking at his package demurely. +"Old Uncle Lot, you know, always has a cough; and I purpose delighting +him with some of my purchases. I will go and put them away." + +"Old Uncle Lot!" my aunt repeated. "What Uncle Lot? I did not know you +had been enough at Magnolia to get the servants' names. But _I_ don't +remember any Uncle Lot." + +Preston turned to leave the room with his candy, and in turning gave +me a look of such supreme fun and mischief that at another time I +could hardly have helped laughing. But Miss Pinshon was asking me if I +understood arithmetic? + +"I think--I know very little about it," I said hesitating. "I can do a +sum." + +"In what?" + +"On the slate, ma'am." + +"Yes, but in what?" + +"I don't know, ma'am--it is adding up the columns." + +"Oh, in _addition_, then. Do you know the multiplication and division +tables?" + +"No, ma'am." + +"Go and get off your things, and then come back to me; and I will have +some more talk with you." + +I remember to this day how heavily my feet went up the stairs. I was +not very strong yet in body, and now the strength seemed to have gone +out of my heart. + +"I declare," said Preston, who waited for me on the landing, "she +falls into position easy! Does she think she is going to take _that_ +tone with you?" + +I made no answer. Preston followed me into my room. + +"I won't have it, little Daisy. Nobody shall be mistress at Magnolia +but you. This woman shall not. See, Daisy--I am going to put these +things in my trunk for you, until we get where you want them. That +will be safe." + +I thanked him. + +"What are you going to do now?" + +"I am going downstairs, as soon as I am ready." + +"Do you expect to be under all the commands this High Mightiness may +think proper to lay upon you?" + +I begged him to be still and leave me. + +"She will turn you into stone!" he exclaimed. "She is a regular +Gorgon, with those heavy eyes of hers. I never saw such eyes. I +believe she would petrify me if I had to bear them. Don't you give +Medusa one of those sweet almonds, Daisy--not one, do you hear?" + +I heard too well. I faced round upon him and begged him to remember +that it was my _mother_ I must obey in Miss Pinshon's orders: and said +that he must not talk to me. Whereupon Preston threw down his candies, +and pulled my cloak out of my unsteady hands, and locked his arms +about me; kissing me and lamenting over me that it was "too bad." I +tried to keep my self-command; but the end was a great burst of tears; +and I went down to Miss Pinshon with red eyes and at a disadvantage. I +think Preston was pleased. + +I had need of all my quiet and self-command. My governess stretched out +her hand, drew me to her side and kissed me; then with the other hand +went on to arrange the ruffle round my neck, stroking it and pulling it +into order, and even taking out a little bit of a pin I wore, and putting +it in again to suit herself. It annoyed me excessively. I knew all was +right about my ruffle and pin; I never left them carelessly arranged; no +fingers but mamma's had ever dared to meddle with them before. But Miss +Pinshon arranged the ruffle and the pin, and still holding me, looked in +my face with those eyes of hers. I began to feel that they were "heavy." +They did not waver. They did not seem to wink, like other eyes. They bore +down upon my face with a steady power, that was not bright but ponderous. +Her first question was, whether I was a good girl. + +I could not tell how to answer. My aunt answered for me, that she +believed Daisy meant to be a good girl, though she liked to have her +own way. + +Miss Pinshon ordered me to bring up a chair and sit down; and then +asked if I knew anything about mathematics; told me it was the science +of quantity; remarked to my aunt that it was the very best study for +teaching children to think, and that she always gave them a great deal +of it in the first year of their pupilage. "It puts the mind in +order," the black-eyed lady went on; "and other things come so easily +after it. Daisy, do you know what I mean by 'quantity?'" + +I knew what _I_ meant by quantity; but whether the English language +had anything in common for Miss Pinshon and me, I had great doubts. I +hesitated. + +"I always teach my little girls to answer promptly when they are asked +anything. I notice that you do not answer promptly. You can always +tell whether you know a thing or whether you do not." + +I was not so sure of that. Miss Pinshon desired me now to repeat the +multiplication table. Here at least there was certainty. I had never +learned it. + +"It appears to me," said my governess, "you have done very little with +the first ten years of your life. It gives you a great deal to do for +the next ten." + +"Health has prevented her applying to her studies," said my aunt. + +"The want of health. Yes, I suppose so. I hope Daisy will be very well +now, for we must make up for lost time." + +"I do not suppose so much time need have been lost," said my aunt; +"but parents are easily alarmed, you know; they think of nothing but +one thing." + +So now there was nobody about me who would be easily alarmed. I took +the full force of that. + +"Of course," said Miss Pinshon, "I shall have a careful regard to her +health. Nothing can be done without that. I shall take her out +regularly to walk with me, and see that she does not expose herself in +any way. Study is no hindrance to health; learning has no malevolent +effect upon the body. I think people often get sick for want of +something to think of." + +How sure I felt, as I went up to bed that night, that no such easy +cause of sickness would be mine for long years to come! + + + + +CHAPTER II. + +MY HOME. + + +The next day we were to go to Magnolia. It was a better day than I +expected. Preston kept me with him, away from Aunt Gary and my +governess; who seemed to have a very comfortable time together. +Magnolia lay some miles inland, up a small stream or inlet called the +Sands River; the banks of which were studded with gentlemen's houses. +The houses were at large distances from one another, miles of +plantation often lying between. We went by a small steamer which plied +up and down the river; it paddled along slowly, made a good many +landings, and kept us on board thus a great part of the day. + +At last Preston pointed out to me a little wooden pier or jetty ahead, +which he said was my landing; and the steamer soon drew up to it. I +could see only a broken bank, fifteen feet high, stretching all along +the shore. However a few steps brought us to a receding level bit of +ground, where there was a break in the bank; the shore fell in a +little, and a wooded dell sloped back from the river. A carriage and +servants were waiting here. + +Preston and I had arranged that we would walk up and let the ladies +ride. But as soon as they had taken their places I heard myself +called. We declared our purpose, Preston and I; but Miss Pinshon said +the ground was damp and she preferred I should ride; and ordered me +in. I obeyed, bitterly disappointed; so much disappointed that I had +the utmost trouble not to let it be seen. For a little while I did not +know what we were passing. Then curiosity recovered itself. The +carriage was slowly making its way up a rough road. On each side the +wooded banks of the dell shut us in; and these banks seemed to slope +upward as well as the road, for though we mounted and mounted, the +sides of the dell grew no lower. After a little, then, the hollow of +the dell began to grow wider, and its sides softly shelving down; and +through the trees on our left we could see a house, standing high +above us, but on ground which sloped towards the dell, which rose and +widened and spread out to meet it. This sloping ground was studded +with magnificent live oaks; each holding its place in independent +majesty, making no interference with the growth of the rest. Some of +these trees had a girth that half a dozen men with their arms +outstretched in a circle could not span; they were green in spite of +the winter; branching low, and spreading into stately, beautiful heads +of verdure, while grey wreaths of moss hung drooping from some of +them. The house was seen not very distinctly among these trees; it +showed low, and in a long extent of building. I have never seen a +prettier approach to a house than that at Magnolia. My heart was full +of the beauty this first time. + +"This is Magnolia, Daisy," said my aunt. "This is your house." + +"It appears a fine place," said Miss Pinshon. + +"It is one of the finest on the river. This is your property, Daisy." + +"It is papa's," I answered. + +"Well, it belongs to your mother, and so you may say it belongs to +your father; but it is yours for all that. The arrangement was, as I +know," my aunt went on, addressing Miss Pinshon--"the arrangement in +the marriage settlements was, that the sons should have the father's +property, and the daughters the mother's. There is one son and one +daughter; so they will each have enough." + +"But it is mamma's and papa's," I pleaded. + +"Oh, well--it will be yours. That is what I mean. Ransom will have +Melbourne and the Virginia estates; and Magnolia is yours. You ought +to have a pretty good education." + +I was so astonished at this way of looking at things, that again I +lost part of what was before me. The carriage went gently along, +passing the house, and coming up gradually to the same level; then +making a turn we drove at a better pace back under some of those great +evergreen oaks, till we drew up at the house door. This was at a +corner of the building, which stretched in a long, low line towards +the river. A verandah skirted all that long front. As soon as I was +out of the carriage I ran to the farthest end. I found the verandah +turned the corner; the lawn too. All along the front it sloped to the +dell; at the end of the house it sloped more gently and to greater +distance down to the banks of the river. I could not see the river +itself. The view of the dell at my left hand was lovely. A little +stream which ran in the bottom had been coaxed to form a clear pool in +an open spot, where the sunlight fell upon it, surrounded by a soft +wilderness of trees and climbers. Sweet branches of jessamine waved +there in their season; and a beautiful magnolia had been planted or +cherished there, and carefully kept in view of the house windows. But +the wide lawns, on one side and on the other, grew nothing but the +oaks; the gentle slope was a play-ground for sunshine and shadow, as I +first saw it; for then the shadows of the oaks were lengthening over +the grass, and the waving grey wreaths of moss served sometimes as a +foil, sometimes as an usher to the sunbeams. I stood in a trance of +joy and sorrow; they were fighting so hard for the mastery; till I +knew that my aunt and Miss Pinshon had come up behind me. + +"This is a proud place!" my governess remarked. + +I believe I looked at her. My aunt laughed; said she must not teach me +that; and led the way back to the entrance of the house. All along the +verandah I noticed that the green-blinded long windows made other +entrances for whoever chose them. + +The door was open for us already, and within was a row of dark faces +of men and women, and a show of white teeth that looked like a +welcome. I wondered Aunt Gary did not say more to answer the welcome; +she only dropped a few careless words as she went in, and asked if +dinner was ready. I looked from one to another of the strange faces +and gleaming rows of teeth. These were my mother's servants; that was +something that came near to my heart. I heard inquiries after "Mis' +Felissy" and "Mass' Randolph," and then the question, "Mis' 'Lizy, is +this little missis?" It was asked by an old, respectable-looking, +grey-haired negress. I did not hear my aunt's answer; but I stopped +and turned to the woman and laid my little hand in her withered palm. +I don't know what there was in that minute; only I know that whereas I +touched one hand, I touched a great many hearts. Then and there began +my good understanding with all the coloured people on my mother's +estate of Magnolia. There was a general outburst of satisfaction and +welcome. Some of the voices blessed me; more than one remarked that I +was "like Mass' Randolph;" and I went into the parlour with a warm +spot in my heart, which had been very cold. + +I was oddly at home at once. The room indeed was a room I had never +seen before; yet according to the mystery of such things, the +inanimate surroundings bore the mark of the tastes and habits I had +grown up among all my life. A great splendid fire was blazing in the +chimney; a rich carpet was on the floor; the furniture was luxurious +though not showy, and there was plenty of it. So there was plenty of +works of art, in home and foreign manufacture. Comfort, elegance, +prettiness, all around; and through the clear glass of the long +windows the evergreen oaks on the lawn showed like guardians of the +place. I stood at one of them, with the pressure of that joy and +sorrow filling my childish heart. + +My aunt presently called me from the window, and bade me let Margaret +take off my things. I got leave to go upstairs with Margaret and take +them off there. So I ran up the low easy flight of stairs--they were +wooden and uncarpeted--to a matted gallery lit from the roof, with +here and there a window in a recess looking upon the lawn. Many rooms +opened into this gallery. I went from one to another. Here were great +wood fires burning too; here were snowy white beds, with light muslin +hangings; and dark cabinets and wardrobes; and mats on the floors, +with thick carpets and rugs laid down here and there. And on one side +and on the other side the windows looked out upon the wide lawn, with +its giant oaks hung with grey wreaths of moss. My heart grew sore +straitened. It was a hard evening, that first evening at Magnolia; +with the loveliness and the brightness, the warm attraction, and the +bitter cold sense of loneliness. I longed to throw myself down and +cry. What I did, was to stand by one of the windows and fight myself +not to let the tears come. If _they_ were here, it would be so happy! +If they were here--oh, if they were here! + +I believe the girl spoke to me without my hearing her. But then came +somebody whom I was obliged to hear, shouting "Daisy" along the +gallery. I faced him with a great effort. He wanted to know what I was +doing, and how I liked it, and where my room was. + +"Not found it yet?" said Preston. "Is this it? Whose room is this, +hey?--you somebody?" + +"Maggie, massa," said the girl, dropping a curtsey. + +"Maggie, where is your mistress's room?" + +"This is Mis' 'Liza's room, sir." + +"Nonsense! Miss 'Liza is only here on a visit--_this_ is your +mistress. Where is her room, hey?" + +"Oh stop, Preston!" I begged him. "I am not mistress." + +"Yes, you are. I'll roast anybody who says you ain't. Come along, and +you shall choose which room you will have; and if it isn't ready they +will get it ready. Come!" + +I made him understand my choice might depend on where other people's +rooms were; and sent him off. Then I sent the girl away--she was a +pleasant-faced mulatto, very eager to help me--and left to myself I +hurriedly turned the key in the lock. I _must_ have some minutes to +myself if I was to bear the burden of that afternoon; and I knelt down +with as heavy a heart, almost, as I ever knew. In all my life I had +never felt so castaway and desolate. When my father and mother first +went from me, I was at least among the places where they had been; +June was with me still, and I knew not Miss Pinshon. The journey had +had its excitements and its interest. Now I was alone; for June had +decided, with tears and woeful looks, that she would not come to +Magnolia; and Preston would be soon on his way back to college. I knew +of only one comfort in the world; that wonderful, "Lo, I am with you." +Does anybody know what that means, who has not made it the single +plank bridge over an abyss? + +No one found out that anything was the matter with me, except Preston. +His caresses were dangerous to my composure. I kept him off; and he ate +his dinner with a thundercloud face which foretold war with all +governesses. For me, it was hard work enough to maintain my quiet; +everything made it hard. Each new room, every arrangement of furniture, +every table appointment, though certainly not what I had seen before, yet +seemed so like home that I was constantly missing what would have made it +home indeed. It was the shell without the kernel. The soup ladle seemed +to be by mistake in the wrong hands; Preston seemed to have no business +with my father's carving knife and fork; the sense of desolation pressed +upon me everywhere. + +After dinner the ladies went upstairs to choose their rooms, and Miss +Pinshon avowed that she wished to have mine within hers; it would be +proper and convenient, she said. Aunt Gary made no objection; but +there was some difficulty, because all the rooms had independent +openings into the gallery. Miss Pinshon hesitated a moment between one +of two that opened into each other, and another that was pleasanter +and larger but would give her less facility for overlooking my +affairs. For one moment I drew a breath of hope; and then my hope was +quashed. Miss Pinshon chose one of the two that opened into each +other; and my only comfort was the fact that my own room had two doors +and I was not obliged to go through Miss Pinshon's to get to it. Just +as this business was settled, Preston called me out into the gallery +and asked me to go for a walk. I questioned with myself a second +whether I should ask leave; but I had an inward assurance that to ask +leave would be not to go. I felt I must go. I ran back to the room +where my things lay, and in two minutes I was out of the house. + +My first introduction to Magnolia! How well I remember every minute +and every foot of the way. It was delicious, the instant I stepped out +among the oaks and into the sunshine. Freedom was there, at all +events. + +"Now, Daisy, we'll go to the stables," Preston said, "and see if there +is anything fit for you. I am afraid there isn't; though Edwards told +me he thought there was." + +"Who is Edwards?" I asked, as we sped joyfully away through the oaks, +across shade and sunshine. + +"Oh, he is the overseer." + +"What is an overseer?" + +"What is an overseer?--why, he is the man that looks after things." + +"What things?" I asked. + +"All the things--everything, Daisy; all the affairs of the plantation; +the rice fields and the cotton fields and the people, and everything." + +"Where are the stables? and where are we going?" + +"Here--just here--a little way off. They are just in a dell over +here--the other side of the house, where the quarters are." + +"Quarters?" I repeated. + +"Yes. Oh, you don't know anything down here, but you'll learn. The +stables and quarters are in this dell we are coming to; nicely out of +sight. Magnolia is one of the prettiest places on the river." + +We had passed through the grove of oaks on the further side of the +house, and then found the beginning of a dell which, like the one by +which we had come up a few hours before, sloped gently down to the +river. In its course it widened out to a little low sheltered open +ground, where a number of buildings stood. + +"So the house is between two dells," I said. + +"Yes; and on that height up there, beyond the quarters, is the +cemetery; and from there you can see a great many fields and the +river, and have a beautiful view. And there are capital rides all +about the place, Daisy." + +When we came to the stables, Preston sent a boy in search of "Darius." +Darius, he told me, was the coachman, and chief in charge of the +stable department. Darius came presently. He was a grey-headed, +fine-looking, most respectable black man. He had driven my mother and +my mother's mother; and being a trusted and important man on the +place, and for other reasons, he had a manner and bearing that were a +model of dignified propriety. Very grave "Uncle Darry" was; stately +and almost courtly in his respectful courtesy; but he gave me a +pleasant smile when Preston presented him. + +"We's happy to see Miss Daisy at her own home. Hope de Lord bress +her." + +My heart warmed at these words like the ice-bound earth in a spring +day. They were not carelessly spoken, nor was the welcome. My feet +trod the greensward more firmly. Then all other thoughts were for the +moment put to flight by Preston's calling for the pony and asking +Darius what he thought of him, and Darry's answer. + +"Very far, massa; very far. Him no good for not'ing." + +While I pondered what this judgment might amount to, the pony was +brought out. He was larger than Loupe, and had not Loupe's peculiar +symmetry of mane and tail: he was a fat dumpy little fellow, sleek and +short, dapple grey, with a good long tail and a mild eye. Preston +declared he had no shape at all and was a poor concern of a pony; but +to my eyes he was beautiful. He took one or two sugarplums from my +hand with as much amenity as if we had been old acquaintances. Then a +boy was put on him, who rode him up and down with a halter. + +"He'll do, Darius," said Preston. + +"For little missis? Just big enough, massa. Got no tricks at all, only +he no like work. Not much spring in him." + +"Daisy must take the whip, then. Come and let us go look at some of +the country where you will ride. Are you tired, Daisy?" + +"Oh no," I said. "But wait a minute, Preston. Who lives in all those +houses?" + +"The people. The hands. They are away in the fields at work now." + +"Does Darius live there?" + +"Of course. They all live here." + +"I should like to go nearer, and see the houses." + +"Daisy, it is nothing on earth to see. They are all just alike, and +you see them from here." + +"I want to look in," I said, moving down the slope. + +"Daisy," said Preston, "you are just as fond of having your way +as----" + +"As what? I do not think I am, Preston." + +"I suppose nobody thinks he is," grumbled Preston, following me, +"except the fellows who can't get it." + +I had by this time almost forgotten Miss Pinshon. I had almost come to +think that Magnolia might be a pleasant place. In the intervals when +the pony was out of sight, I had improved my knowledge of the old +coachman; and every look added to my liking. There was something I +could not read that more and more drew me to him. A simplicity in his +good manners, a placid expression in his gravity, a staid reserve in +his humility, were all there; and more yet. Also the scene in the dell +was charming to me. The ground about the negro cottages was kept neat; +they were neatly built of stone and stood round the sides of a +quadrangle; while on each side and below the wooded slopes of ground +closed in the picture. Sunlight was streaming through and brightening +up the cottages, and resting on Uncle Darry's swart face. Down through +the sunlight I went to the cottages. The first door stood open, and I +looked in. At the next I was about to knock, but Preston pushed open +the door for me; and so he did for a third and a fourth. Nobody was in +them. I was a good deal disappointed. They were empty, bare, dirty, +and seemed to be very forlorn. What a set of people my mother's hands +must be, I thought. Presently I came upon a ring of girls, a little +larger than I was, huddled together behind one of the cottages. There +was no manners about them. They were giggling and grinning, hopping on +one foot, and going into other awkward antics; not the less that most +of them had their arms filled with little black babies. I had got +enough for that day, and turning about, left the dell with Preston. + +At the head of the dell, Preston led off in a new direction, along a wide +avenue that ran through the woods. Perfectly level and smooth, with the +woods closing in on both sides and making long vistas through their boles +and under their boughs. By and by we took another path that led off from +this one, wide enough for two horses to go abreast. The pine trees were +sweet overhead and on each hand, making the light soft and the air +fragrant. Preston and I wandered on in delightful roaming; leaving the +house and all that it contained at an unremembered distance. Suddenly we +came out upon a cleared field. It was many acres large; in the distance a +number of people were at work. We turned back again. + +"Preston," I said, after a silence of a few minutes,--"there seemed to +be no women in those cottages. I did not see any." + +"I suppose not," said Preston; "because there were not any to see." + +"But had all those little babies no mothers?" + +"Yes, of course, Daisy; but they were in the field." + +"The mothers of those little babies?" + +"Yes. What about it? Look here--are you getting tired?" + +I said no; and he put his arm round me fondly, so as to hold me up a +little; and we wandered gently on, back to the avenue, then down its +smooth course further yet from the house, then off by another wood +path through the pines on the other side. This was a narrower path, +amidst sweeping pine branches and hanging creepers, some of them +prickly, which threw themselves all across the way. It was not easy +getting along. I remarked that nobody seemed to come there much. + +"I never came here myself," said Preston, "but I know it must lead out +upon the river somewhere, and that's what I am after. Hollo! we are +coming to something. There is something white through the trees. I +declare, I believe----" + +Preston had been out in his reckoning, and a second time had brought me +where he did not wish to bring me. We came presently to an open place, or +rather a place where the pines stood a little apart; and there in the +midst was a small enclosure. A low brick wall surrounded a square bit of +ground, with an iron gate on one side of the square; within, the grassy +plot was spotted with the white marble of tombstones. There were large +and small. Overhead, the great pine trees stood and waved their long +branches gently in the wind. The place was lonely and lovely. We had +come, as Preston guessed, to the river, and the shore was here high; so +that we looked down upon the dark little stream far below us. The +sunlight, getting low by this time, hardly touched it; but streamed +through the pine trees and over the grass, and gilded the white marble +with gold. + +"I did not mean to bring you here," said Preston, "I did not know I +was bringing you here. Come, Daisy--we'll go and try again." + +"Oh stop!" I said--"I like it. I want to look at it." + +"It is the cemetery," said Preston. "That tall column is the monument +of our great--no, of our great-great-grandfather; and this brown one +is for mamma's father. Come, Daisy!----" + +"Wait a little," I said. "Whose is that with the vase on top?" + +"Vase?" said Preston--"it's an urn. It is an urn, Daisy. People do not +put vases on tombstones." + +I asked what the difference was. + +"The difference? O Daisy, Daisy! Why vases are to put flowers in; and +urns--I'll tell you, Daisy,--I believe it is because the Romans used +to burn the bodies of their friends and gather up the ashes and keep +them in a funeral urn. So an urn comes to be appropriate to a +tombstone." + +"I do not see how," I said. + +"Why because an urn comes to be an emblem of mortality and all that. +Come, Daisy; let us go." + +"I think a vase of flowers would be a great deal nicer," I said. "We +do not keep the ashes of our friends." + +"We don't put signs of joy over their graves either," said Preston. + +"I should think we might," I said meditatively. "When people have gone +to Jesus--they must be very glad!" + +Preston burst out with an expression of hope that Miss Pinshon would +"do something" for me; and again would have led me away; but I was not +ready to go. My eye, roving beyond the white marble and the low brick +wall, had caught what seemed to be a number of meaner monuments, +scattered among the pine trees and spreading down the slope of the +ground on the further side, where it fell off towards another dell. In +one place a bit of board was set up; further on a cross; then I saw a +great many bits of board and crosses; some more and some less +carefully made; and still as my eye roved about over the ground they +seemed to start up to view in every direction; too low and too humble +and too near the colour of the fallen pine leaves to make much show +unless they were looked for. I asked what they all were. + +"Those? Oh, those are for the people, you know." + +"The people?" I repeated. + +"Yes, the people--the hands." + +"There are a great many of them," I remarked. + +"Of course," said Preston. "You see, Daisy, there have been I don't +know how many hundreds of hands here for a great many years, ever +since mother's grandfather's time." + +"I should think," said I, looking at the little board slips and +crosses among the pine cones on the ground,--"I should think they +would like to have something nicer to put up over their graves." + +"Nicer? those are good enough," said Preston. "Good enough for them." + +"I should think they would like to have something better," I said. +"Poor people at the North have nicer monuments, I know. I never saw +such monuments in my life." + +"Poor people!" cried Preston. "Why these are the _hands_, Daisy,--the +coloured people. What do they want of monuments?" + +"Don't they care?" said I, wondering. + +"Who cares if they care? I don't know whether they care," said +Preston, quite out of patience with me, I thought. + +"Only, if they cared, I should think they would have something nicer," +I said. "Where do they all go to church, Preston?" + +"Who?" said Preston. + +"These people?" + +"What people? The families along the river do you mean?" + +"No, no," said I; "I mean _our_ people--these people; the hands. You +say there are hundreds of them. Where do they go to church?" + +I faced Preston now in my eagerness; for the little board crosses and +the forlorn look of the whole burying-ground on the side of the hill +had given me a strange feeling. "Where do they go to church, +Preston!" + +"Nowhere, I reckon." + +I was shocked, and Preston was impatient. How should he know, he said; +he did not live at Magnolia. And he carried me off. We went back to +the avenue and slowly bent our steps again towards the house; slowly, +for I was tired, and we both, I think, were busy with our thoughts. +Presently I saw a man, a negro, come into the avenue a little before +us with a bundle of tools on his back. He went as slowly as we, with +an indescribable, purposeless gait. His figure had the same look too, +from his lop-sided old white hat to every fold of his clothing, which +seemed to hang about him just as it would as lieve be off as on. I +begged Preston to hail him and ask him the question about church +going, which sorely troubled me. Preston was unwilling and resisted. + +"What do you want me to do that for, Daisy?" + +"Because Aunt Gary told Miss Pinshon that we have to drive six miles +to go to church. Do ask him where they go!" + +"They don't go _anywhere_, Daisy," said Preston, impatiently; "they +don't care a straw about it, either. All the church they care about is +when they get together in somebody's house and make a great muss." + +"Make a muss!" said I. + +"Yes; a regular muss; shouting and crying and having what they call a +good time. That's what some of them do; but I'll wager if I were to +ask him about going to church, this fellow here would not know what I +mean." + +This did by no means quiet me. I insisted that Preston should stop the +man; and at last he did. The fellow turned and came back towards us, +ducking his old white hat. His face was just like the rest of him; there +was no expression in it but an expression of limp submissiveness. + +"Sambo, your mistress wants to speak to you." + +"Yes, massa. I's George, massa." + +"George," said I, "I want to know where you go to church?" + +"Yes, missis. What missis want to know?" + +"Where do you and all the rest go to church?" + +"Reckon don't go nowhar, missis." + +"Don't you ever go to church?" + +"Church for white folks, missis; bery far; long ways to ride." + +"But you and the rest of the people--don't you go anywhere to church? +to hear preaching?" + +"Reckon not, missis. De preachin's don't come dis way, likely." + +"Can you read the Bible, George?" + +"Dunno read, missis. Never had no larnin'." + +"Then don't you know anything about what is in the Bible? don't you +know about Jesus?" + +"Reckon don't know not'ing, missis." + +"About Jesus?" said I again. + +"'Clar, missis, dis nigger don't know not'ing, but de rice and de +corn. Missis talk to Darry; he most knowin' nigger on plantation; +knows a heap." + +"There!" exclaimed Preston, "that will do. You go off to your supper, +George--and Daisy, you had better come on if you want anything +pleasant at home. What on earth have you got now by that? What is the +use? Of course they do not know anything; and why should they? They +have no time and no use for it." + +"They have no time on Sundays?" I said. + +"Time to sleep. That is what they do. That is the only thing a negro +cares about, to go to sleep in the sun. It's all nonsense, Daisy." + +"They would care about something else, I dare say," I answered, "if +they could get it." + +"Well, they can't get it. Now, Daisy, I want you to let these fellows +alone. You have nothing to do with them, and you did not come to +Magnolia for such work. You have nothing on earth to do with them." + +I had my own thoughts on the subject, but Preston was not a sympathising +hearer. I said no more. The evergreen oaks about the house came presently +in sight; then the low verandah that ran round three sides of it; then we +came to the door, and my walk was over. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +THE MULTIPLICATION TABLE. + + +My life at Magnolia might be said to begin when I came downstairs that +evening. My aunt and Miss Pinshon were sitting in the parlour, in the +light of a glorious fire of light wood and oak sticks. Miss Pinshon +called me to her at once; inquired where I had been; informed me I +must not for the future take such diversion without her leave first +asked and obtained; and then put me to reading aloud, that she might +see how well I could do it. She gave me a philosophical article in a +magazine for my proof piece; it was full of long words that I did not +know and about matters that I did not understand. I read mechanically, +of course; trying with all my might to speak the long words right, +that there might be no room for correction; but Miss Pinshon's voice +interrupted me again and again. I felt cast away in a foreign land; +further and further from the home feeling every minute; and it seemed +besides as if the climate had some power of petrifaction. I could not +keep Medusa out of my head. It was a relief at last when the tea was +brought in. Miss Pinshon took the magazine out of my hand. + +"She has a good voice, but she wants expression," was her remark. + +"I could not understand what she was reading," said my Aunt Gary. + +"Nor anybody else," said Preston. "How are you going to give +expression, when there is nothing to express?" + +"That is where you feel the difference between a good reader and one +who is not trained," said my governess. "I presume Daisy has never +been trained." + +"No, not in anything," said my aunt. "I dare say she wants a good deal +of it." + +"We will try," said Miss Pinshon. + +It all comes back to me as I write, that beginning of my Magnolia +life. I remember how dazed and disheartened I sat at the tea-table, +yet letting nobody see it; how Preston made violent efforts to change +the character of the evening; and did keep up a stir that at another +time would have amused me. And when I was dismissed to bed, Preston +came after me to the upper gallery and almost broke up my power of +keeping quiet. He gathered me in his arms, kissed me and lamented me, +and denounced ferocious threats against "Medusa;" while I in vain +tried to stop him. He would not be sent away, till he had come into my +room and seen that the fire was burning and the room warm, and +Margaret ready for me. + +With Margaret there was also an old coloured woman, dark and wrinkled, +my faithful old friend Mammy Theresa! but indeed I could scarcely see +her just then, for my eyes were full of big tears when Preston left +me; and I had to stand still before the fire for some minutes before +I could fight down the fresh tears that were welling up and let those +which veiled my eyesight scatter away. I was conscious how silently +the two women waited upon me. I had a sense even then of the sympathy +they were giving. I knew they served me with a respect which would +have done for an Eastern princess; but I said nothing hardly, nor +they, that night. + +If the tears came when I was alone, so did sleep too at last; and I +waked up the next morning a little revived. It was a cool morning, and +my eyes opened to see Margaret on her knees making my fire. Two good +oak sticks were on the fire dogs, and a heap of light wood on the +floor. I watched her piling and preparing, and then kindling the wood +with a splinter of light wood which she lit in the candle. It was all +very strange to me. The bare painted and varnished floor; the rugs +laid down here and there; the old cupboards in the wall; the unwonted +furniture. It did not feel like home. I lay still, until the fire +blazed up and Margaret rose to her feet, and seeing my eyes open +dropped her curtsey. + +"Please, missis, may I be Miss Daisy's girl?" + +"I will ask Aunt Gary," I answered, a good deal surprised. + +"Miss Daisy is the mistress. We all belong to Miss Daisy. It will be +as she say." + +I thought to myself that very little was going to be "as I said." I +got out of bed, feeling terribly slim-hearted, and stood in my +nightgown before the fire, trying to let the blaze warm me. Margaret +did her duties with a zeal of devotion that reminded me of my old +June. + +"I will ask Aunt Gary," I said; "and I think she will let you build my +fire, Margaret." + +"Thank'e, ma'am. First-rate fires. I'll make, Miss Daisy. We'se all so +glad Miss Daisy come to Magnoly." + +Were they? I thought, and what did she mean by their all "belonging to +me?" I was not accustomed to quite so much deference. However, I +improved my opportunity by asking Margaret my question of the day +before about church. The girl half laughed. + +"Ain't any church big enough to hold all de people," she said. "Guess +we coloured folks has to go widout." + +"But where _is_ the church?" I said. + +"Ain't none, Miss Daisy. People enough to make a church full all +himselves." + +"And don't you want to go?" + +"Reckon it's o' no consequence, missis. It's a right smart chance of a +way to Bo'mbroke, where de white folks' church is. Guess they don't +have none for poor folks nor niggers in dese parts." + +"But Jesus died for poor people," I said, turning round upon my +attendant. She met me with a gaze I did not understand, and said +nothing. Margaret was not like my old June. She was a clear mulatto, +with a fresh colour and rather a handsome face; and her eyes, unlike +June's little anxious, restless, almond-shaped eyes, were liquid and +full. She went on carefully with the toilet duties which busied her; +and I was puzzled. + +"Did you never hear of Jesus?" I said presently. "Don't you know that +He loves poor people?" + +"Reckon He loves rich people de best, Miss Daisy," the girl said, in a +dry tone. + +I faced about to deny this, and to explain how the Lord had a special +love and care for the poor. I saw that my hearer did not believe me. +"She had heerd so," she said. + +The dressing-bell sounded long and loud, and I was obliged to let +Margaret go on with my dressing; but in the midst of my puzzled state +of mind, I felt childishly sure of the power of that truth, of the +Lord's love, to break down any hardness and overcome any coldness. +Yet, "how shall they hear without a preacher?" and I had so little +chance to speak. + +"Then, Margaret," said I at last, "is there no place where you can go +to hear about the things in the Bible?" + +"No, missis; I never goes." + +"And does not anybody, except Darry when he goes with the carriage?" + +"Can't, Miss Daisy; it's miles and miles; and no place for niggers +neither." + +"Can you read the Bible, Margaret?" + +"Guess not, missis; we's too stupid; ain't good for coloured folks to +read." + +"Does _nobody_, among all the people, read the Bible?" said I, once +more stopping Margaret in my dismay. + +"Uncle Darry--he does," said the girl; "and he do 'spoun some; but I +don't make no count of his 'spoundations." + +I did not know quite what she meant; but I had no time for anything +more. I let her go, locked my door and kneeled down; with the burden +on my heart of this new revelation; that there were hundreds of people +under the care of my father and mother who were living without church +and without Bible, in desperate ignorance of everything worth knowing. +If papa had only been at Magnolia with me! I thought I could have +persuaded him to build a church and let somebody come and teach the +people. But now--what could I do? And I asked the Lord, what could I +do? but I did not see the answer. + +Feeling the question on my two shoulders, I went downstairs. To my +astonishment, I found the family all gathered in solemn order; the +house servants at one end of the room, my aunt, Miss Pinshon and +Preston at the other, and before my aunt a little table with books. I +got a seat as soon as I could, for it was plain that something was +waiting for me. Then my aunt opened the Bible and read a chapter, and +followed it with prayer read out of another book. I was greatly amazed +at the whole proceeding. No such ceremony was ever gone through at +Melbourne; and certainly nothing had ever given me the notion that my +Aunt Gary was any more fond of sacred things than the rest of the +family. + +"An excellent plan," said Miss Pinshon, when we had risen from our +knees and the servants had filed off. + +"Yes," my aunt said, somewhat as if it needed an apology;--"it was the +custom in my father's and grandfather's time; and we always keep it +up. I think old customs always should be kept up." + +"And do you have the same sort of thing on Sundays, for the +out-of-door hands?" + +"What?" said my aunt. It was somewhat more abrupt than polite; but she +probably felt that Miss Pinshon was a governess. + +"There were only the house servants gathered this morning." + +"Of course; part of them." + +"Have you any similar system of teaching for those who are outside? I +think you told me they have no church to go to." + +"I should like to know what 'system' you would adopt," said my aunt, +"to reach seven hundred people." + +"A church and a minister would not be a bad thing." + +"Or we might all turn missionaries," said Preston; "and go among them +with bags of Bibles round our necks. We might all turn missionaries." + +"Colporteurs," said Miss Pinshon. + +Then I said in my heart, "I will be one." But I went on eating my +breakfast and did not look at anybody; only I listened with all my +might. + +"I don't know about that," said my aunt. "I doubt whether a church and +a minister would be beneficial." + +"Then you have a nation of heathen at your doors," said Miss Pinshon. + +"I don't know but they are just as well off," said my aunt. "I doubt +if more light would do them any good. They would not understand it." + +"They must be very dark if they could not understand light," said my +governess. + +"Just as people that are very light cannot understand darkness," said +Preston. + +"I think so," my aunt went on. "Our neighbour Colonel Joram, down +below here at Crofts, will not allow such a thing as preaching or +teaching on his plantation. He says it is bad for them. We always +allowed it; but I don't know." + +"Colonel Joram is a heathen himself, you know, mother," said Preston. +"Don't hold _him_ up." + +"I will hold him up for a gentleman, and a very successful planter," +said Mrs. Gary. "No place is better worked or managed than Crofts. If +the estate of Magnolia were worked and kept as well, it would be worth +half as much again as it ever has been. But there is the difference of +the master's eye. My brother-in-law never could be induced to settle +at Magnolia, nor at his own estates either. He likes it better in the +cold North." + +Miss Pinshon made no remark whatever in answer to this statement; and +the rest of the talk at the breakfast-table was about rice. + +After breakfast my school life at Magnolia began. It seemed as if all +the threads of my life there were in a hurry to get into my hand. Ah! +I had a handful soon! But this was the fashion of my first day with my +governess. All the days were not quite so bad; however, it gave the +key of them all. + +Miss Pinshon bade me come with her to the room she and my aunt had agreed +should be the schoolroom. It was the back room of the house, though it +had hardly books enough to be called a library. It had been the study or +private room of my grandfather; there was a leather-covered table with an +old bronze standish; some plain bookcases; a large escritoire; a +terrestrial globe; a thermometer and a barometer; and the rest of the +furniture was an abundance of chintz-covered chairs and lounges. These +were very easy and pleasant for use; and long windows opening on the +verandah looked off among the evergreen oaks and their floating grey +drapery; the light in the room and the whole aspect of it was agreeable. +If Miss Pinshon had not been there! But she was there, with a terrible +air of business; setting one or two chairs in certain positions by a +window, and handing one or two books on the table. I stood meek and +helpless, expectant. + +"Have you read any history, Daisy?" + +I said no; then I said yes, I had; a little. + +"What?" + +"A little of the history of England last summer." + +"Not of your own country?" + +"No, ma'am." + +"And no ancient history?" + +"No, ma'am." + +"You know nothing of the division of the nations, of course?" + +I answered, nothing. I had no idea what she meant; except that +England, and America, and France, were different, and of course +divided. Of Peleg the son of Eber and the brother of Joktan, I then +knew nothing. + +"And arithmetic is something you do not understand," pursued Miss +Pinshon. "Come here, and let me see how you can write." + +With trembling, stiff little fingers--I feel them yet--I wrote some +lines under my governess's eye. + +"Very unformed," was her comment. "And now, Daisy, you may sit down +there in the window and study the multiplication table. See how much +of it you can get this morning." + +Was it to be a morning's work? My heart was heavy as lead. At this hour, +at Melbourne, my task would have been to get my flat hat and rush out +among the beds of flowers; and a little later, to have up Loupe and go +driving whither I would, among the meadows and cornfields. Ah, yes; and +there was Molly who might be taught, and Juanita who might be visited; +and Dr. Sandford who might come like a pleasant gale of wind into the +midst of whatever I was about. I did not stop to think of them now, +though a waft of the sunny air through the open window brought a violent +rush of such images. I tried to shut them out of my head and gave myself +wistfully to "three times one is three; three times two is six." Miss +Pinshon helped me by closing the window. I thought she might have let so +much sweetness as that come into the multiplication table. However I +studied its threes and fours steadily for some time; then my attention +flagged. It was very uninteresting. I had never in all my life till then +been obliged to study what gave me no pleasure. My mind wandered, and +then my eyes wandered, to where the sunlight lay so golden under the live +oaks. The wreaths of grey moss stirred gently with the wind. I longed to +be out there. Miss Pinshon's voice startled me. + +"Daisy, where are your thoughts?" + +I hastily brought my eyes and wits home and answered, "Out upon the +lawn, ma'am." + +"Do you find the multiplication table there?" + +It was so needless to answer! I was mute. I would have come to the +rash conclusion that nature and mathematics had nothing to do with +each other. + +"You must learn to command your attention," my governess went on. "You +must not let it wander. That is the first lesson you have to learn. I +shall give you mathematics till you have learnt it. You can do nothing +without attention." + +I bent myself to the threes and fours again. But I was soon weary; my +mind escaped; and without turning my eyes off my book, it swept over +the distance between Magnolia and Melbourne, and sat down by Molly +Skelton to help her in getting her letters. It was done and I was +there. I could hear the hesitating utterances; I could see the dull +finger tracing its way along the lines. And then would come the +reading _to_ Molly, and the interested look of waiting attention, and +once in a while the strange softening of the poor hard face. From +there my mind went off to the people around me at Magnolia; were there +some to be taught here perhaps? and could I get at them? and was there +no other way--could it be there was no other way but by my weak little +voice--through which some of them were ever to learn about my dear +Saviour? I had got very far from mathematics, and my book fell. I +heard Miss Pinshon's voice. + +"Daisy, come here." + +I obeyed and came to the table, where my governess was installed in +the leather chair of my grandfather. She always used it. + +"I should like to know what you are doing." + +"I was thinking," I said. + +"Did I give you thinking to do?" + +"No, ma'am; not of that kind." + +"What kind was it?" + +"I was thinking, and remembering----" + +"Pray what were you remembering?" + +"Things at home--and other things." + +"Things and things," said Miss Pinshon. "That is not a very elegant +way of speaking. Let me hear how much you have learned." + +I began. About all of the "threes" was on my tongue; the rest had got +mixed up hopelessly with Molly Skelton and teaching Bible reading. +Miss Pinshon was not pleased. + +"You must learn attention," she said. "I can do nothing with you until +you have succeeded in that. You _must_ attend. Now I shall give you a +motive for minding what you are about. Go and sit down again and study +this table till you know the threes and the fours and the fives and +the sixes, perfectly. Go and sit down." + +I sat down, and the life was all out of me. Tears in the first place had +a great mind to come, and would put themselves between me and the figures +in the multiplication table. I governed them back after a while. But I +could not study to purpose. I was tired and down-spirited; I had not +energy left to spring to my task and accomplish it. Over and over again I +tried to put the changes of the numbers in my head; it seemed like +writing them in sand. My memory would not take hold of them; could not +keep them; with all my trying I grew only more and more stupefied and +fagged, and less capable of doing what I had to do. So dinner came, and +Miss Pinshon said I might get myself ready for dinner and after dinner +come back again to my lesson. The lesson must be finished before anything +else was done. + +I had no appetite. Preston was in a fume of vexation, partly aroused +by my looks, partly by hearing that I was not yet free. He was enraged +beyond prudent speaking, but Miss Pinshon never troubled herself about +his words; and when the first and second courses were removed, told me +I might go to my work. Preston called me to stay and have some fruit; +but I went on to the study, not caring for fruit or for anything else. +I felt very dull and miserable. Then I remembered that my governess +probably did care for some fruit and would be delayed a little while; +and then I tried what is the best preparation for study or anything +else. I got down on my knees, to ask that help which is as willingly +given to a child in her troubles as to the general of an army. I +prayed that I might be patient and obedient and take disagreeable +things pleasantly and do my duty in the multiplication table. And a +breath of rest came over my heart, and a sort of perfume of remembered +things which I had forgotten; and it quite changed the multiplication +table to think that God had given it to me to learn, and so that some +good would certainly come of learning it; at least the good of +pleasing Him. As long as I dared I stayed on my knees; then I was +strong for the fives and sixes. + +But it was not quick work; and though my patience did not flag again +nor my attention fail, the afternoon was well on the way before I was +dismissed. I had then permission to do what I liked. Miss Pinshon said +she would not go to walk that day; I might follow my own pleasure. + +I must have been very tired; for it seemed to me there was hardly any +pleasure left to follow. I got my flat and went out. The sun was +westing; the shadows stretched among the evergreen oaks; the outer air +was sweet. I had tried to find Preston first, in the house; but he was +not to be found; and all alone I went out into the sunshine. It wooed +me on. Sunshine and I were always at home together. Without knowing +that I wanted to go anywhere, some secret attraction drew my steps +towards the dell where I had seen Darry. I followed one of several +well-beaten paths that led towards the quarters through the trees, and +presently came out upon the stables again. All along the dell the +sunshine poured. The ground was kept like a pleasure ground, it was so +neat; the grass was as clean as the grass of a park; the little stone +houses scattered away down towards the river, with shade trees among +them, and oaks lining the sides of the dell. I thought surely Magnolia +was a lovely place! if only my father and mother had been there. But +then, seeing the many cottages, my trouble of the morning pressed upon +me afresh. So many people, so many homes, and the light of the Bible +not on them, nor in them? And, child as I was, and little as I knew, I +knew the name of Christ too unspeakably precious, for me to think +without a sore heart, and all these people were without what was the +jewel of my life. And they my mother's servants! my father's +dependants! What could I do? + +The dell was alone in the yellow sunlight which poured over the slope +from the west: and I went musing on till getting to the corner of the +stables I saw Darry just round the corner grooming a black horse. He +was working energetically, and humming to himself as he worked a +refrain which I learned afterwards to know well. All I could make out +was, "I'm going home"--several times repeated. I came near before he +saw me, and he started; then bid me good evening and "hoped I found +Magnolia a pleasant place." + +Since I have grown older I have read that wonderful story of Mrs. Stowe's +Uncle Tom; he reminded me of Darry then, and now I never think of the one +without thinking of the other. But Darry, having served a different class +of people from Uncle Tom's first owners, had a more polished style of +manners, which I should almost call courtly; and he was besides a man of +higher natural parts, and somewhat more education. But much commerce in +the Court which is above all earthly dignities, no doubt had more to do +with his peculiarities than any other cause. + +I asked him what he was singing about home? and where his home was? He +turned his face full upon me, letting me see how grave and gentle his +eye was, and at the same time there was a wistful expression in it +that I felt. + +"Home ain't nowheres here, missie," he said. "I'm 'spectin' to go by +and by." + +"Do you mean home up _there_?" said I, lifting my finger towards the +sky. Darry fairly laughed. + +"'Spect don't want no other home, missie. Heaven good enough." + +I stood watching him as he rubbed down the black horse, feeling surely +that he and I would be friends. + +"Where is your home here, Darry?" + +"I got a place down there, little missie--not fur." + +"When you have done that horse, will you show me your place? I want to +see where you live." + +"Missie want to see Darry's house?" said he, showing his white teeth. +"Missie shall see what she mind to. I allus keeps Sadler till the +last, 'cause he's ontractable." + +The black horse was put in the stable, and I followed my black groom down +among the lines of stone huts to which the working parties had not yet +returned. Darry's house was one of the lowest in the dell, out of the +quadrangle, and had a glimpse of the river. It stood alone in a pretty +place, but something about it did not satisfy me. It looked square and +bare. The stone walls within were rough as the stone-layer had left them; +one little four-paned window, or rather casement, stood open; and the air +was sweet; for Darry kept his place scrupulously neat and clean. But +there was not much to be kept. A low bedstead; a wooden chest; an odd +table made of a piece of board on three legs; a shelf with some kitchen +ware; that was all the furniture. On the odd table there lay a Bible, +that had, I saw, been turned over many a time. + +"Then you can read, Uncle Darry?" I said, pitching on the only thing +that pleased me. + +"De good Lord, He give me dat happiness," the man answered gravely. + +"And you love Jesus, Darry," I said, feeling that we had better come +to an understanding as soon as possible. His answer was an energetic-- + +"Bress de Lord! Do Miss Daisy love Him, den?" + +I would have said yes; I did say yes, I believe; but I did not know +how or why, at this question there seemed a coming together of +gladness and pain which took away my breath. My head dropped on +Darry's little window-sill, and my tears rushed forth, like the head +of water behind a broken mill-dam. Darry was startled and greatly +concerned. He wanted to know if I was not well--if I would send him +for "su'thing"--I could only shake my head and weep. I think Darry was +the only creature at Magnolia before whom I would have so broken down. +But somehow I felt safe with Darry. The tears cleared away from my +voice after a little; and I went on with my inquiries again. It was a +good chance. + +"Uncle Darry, does no one else but you read the Bible?" + +He looked dark and troubled. "Missie sees--de folks for most part got +no learning. Dey no read, sure." + +"Do you read the Bible to them, Darry?" + +"Miss Daisy knows, dere ain't no great time. Dey's in the field all +day, most days, and dey hab no time for to hear." + +"But Sundays?" I said. + +"Do try," he said, looking graver yet. "Me do 'tempt su'thing. But +missie knows, de Sabbat' be de only day de people hab, and dey tink +mostly of oder tings." + +"And there is no church for you all to go to?" + +"No, missis; no church." + +There was a sad tone in his answer. I did not know how to go on. I +turned to something else. + +"Uncle Darry, I don't think your home looks very comfortable." + +Darry almost laughed at that. He said it was good enough; would last +very well a little while longer. I insisted that it was not +_comfortable_. It was cold. + +"Sun warm, Miss Daisy. De good Lord, He make His sun warm. And dere be +fires enough." + +"But it is very empty," I said. "You want something more in it, to +make it look nice." + +"It never empty, Miss Daisy, when de Lord Hisself be here. And He not +leave His chil'n alone. Miss Daisy know dat?" + +I stretched forth my little hand and laid it in Darry's great black +palm. There was an absolute confidence established between us. + +"Uncle Darry," I said, "I _do_ love Him--but sometimes, I want to see +papa!----" + +And therewith my self-command was almost gone. I stood with full eyes +and quivering lips, my hand still in Darry's, who on his part was +speechless with sympathy. + +"De time pass quick, and Miss Daisy see her pa'," he said at last. + +I did not think the time passed quick. I said so. + +"Do little missie ask de Lord for help?" Darry said, his eyes by this +time as watery as mine. "Do Miss Daisy know, it nebber lonesome where +de Lord be? He so good." + +I could not stand any more. I pulled away my hand and stood still, +looking out of the window and seeing nothing, till I could make myself +quiet. Then I changed the subject and told Darry I should like to go +and see some of the other houses again. I know now, I can see, looking +back, how my childish self-control and reserve made some of those +impulsive natures around me regard me with something like worshipful +reverence. I felt it then, without thinking of it or reasoning about +it. From Darry, and from Margaret, and from Mammy Theresa, and from +several others, I had a loving, tender reverence, which not only felt +for me as a sorrowful child, but bowed before me as something of +higher and stronger nature than themselves. Darry silently attended +me now from house to house of the quarters; introducing and explaining +and doing all he could to make my progress interesting and amusing. +Interested I was; but most certainly not amused. I did not like the +look of things any better than I had done at first. The places were +not "nice;" there was a coarse, uncared-for air of everything within, +although the outside was in such well-dressed condition. No litter on +the grass, no untidiness of walls or chimneys; and no seeming of +comfortable homes when the door was opened. The village, for it +amounted to that, was almost deserted at that hour; only a few +crooning old women on the sunny side of a wall, and a few half-grown +girls, and a quantity of little children, depending for all the care +they got upon one or the other of these. + +"Haven't all these little babies got mothers!" I asked. + +"For sure, Miss Daisy--dey's got modders." + +"Where _are_ the mothers of all these babies, Darry?" I asked. + +"Dey's in de field, Miss Daisy. Home d'rectly." + +"Are they working like _men_ in the fields!" I asked. + +"Dey's all at work," said Darry. + +"Do they do the same work as the men?" + +"All alike, Miss Daisy." Darry's answers were not hearty. + +"But don't their little babies want them?" said I, looking at a group +of girls in whose hands were some very little babies indeed. I think +Darry made me no answer. + +"But if the men and women both work out," I went on, "papa must give +them a great deal of money; I should think they would have things more +comfortable, Darry. Why don't they have little carpets, and tables and +chairs, and cups and saucers? Hardly anybody has teacups and saucers. +Have _you_ got any, Uncle Darry?" + +"'Spect I'se no good woman to brew de tea for her ole man," said +Darry; but I thought he looked at me very oddly. + +"Couldn't you make it for yourself, Uncle Darry?" + +"Poor folks don't live just like de rich folks," he answered, quietly, +after a minute's pause. "And I don't count fur to want no good t'ing, +missie." + +I went on with my observations; my questions I thought I would not +push any further at that time. I grew more and more dissatisfied, that +my father's work-people should live in no better style and in no +better comfort. Even Molly Skelton had a furnished and appointed +house, compared with these little bare stone huts; and mothers that +would leave their babies for the sake of more wages, must, I thought, +be very barbarous mothers. This was all because, no doubt, of having +no church and no Bible. I grew weary. As we were going up the dell +towards the stables, I suddenly remembered my pony; and I asked to see +him. + +Darry was much relieved, I fancy, to have me come back to a child's +sphere of action. He had out the fat little grey pony, and talked it +over to me with great zeal. It came into my head to ask for a saddle. + +"Dere be a saddle," Darry said, doubtfully. "Massa Preston he done got +a saddle dis very day. Dunno where Massa Preston can be." + +I did not heed this. I begged to have the saddle and be allowed to try +the pony. Now Preston had laid a plan that nobody but himself should +have the pleasure of first mounting me; but I did not know of this +plan. Darry hesitated, I saw, but he had not the power to refuse me. +The saddle was brought out, put on, and carefully arranged. + +"Uncle Darry, I want to get on him--may I?" + +"O' course--Miss Daisy do what she mind to. Him bery good, only some +lazy." + +So I was mounted. Preston, Miss Pinshon, the servants' quarters, the +multiplication table, all were forgotten and lost in a misty distance. I +was in the saddle for the first time, and delight held me by both hands. +My first moment on horseback! If Darry had guessed it he would have been +terribly concerned; but as it happened, I knew how to take my seat; I had +watched my mother so often mounting her horse that every detail was +familiar to me; and Darry naturally supposed I knew what I was about +after I was in my seat. The reins were a little confusing; however, the +pony walked off lazily with me to the head of the glen, and I thought he +was an improvement upon the old pony chaise. Finding myself coming out +upon the avenue, which I did not wish, it became necessary to get at the +practical use of the bridle. I was at some pains to do it; finally I +managed to turn the pony's head round, and we walked back in the same +sober style we had come up. Darry stood by the stables, smiling and +watching me; down among the quarters the children and old people turned +out to look after me; I walked down as far as Darry's house, turned and +came back again. Darry stood ready to help me to dismount; but it was too +pleasant. I went on to the avenue. Just as I turned there, I caught, as +it seemed to me, a glimpse of two ladies, coming towards me from the +house. Involuntarily I gave a sharper pull at the bridle, and I suppose +touched the pony's shoulder with the switch Darry had put into my hand. +The touch so woke him up, that he shook off his laziness and broke into a +short galloping canter to go back to the stables. This was a new +experience. I thought for the first minute that I certainly should be +thrown off; I seemed to have no hold of anything, and I was tossed up and +down on my saddle in the way that boded a landing on the ground every +next time. + +I was not timid with animals, whatever might be true of me in other +relations. My first comfort was finding that I did _not_ fall off; +then I took heart and settled myself in the saddle more securely, gave +myself to the motion, and began to think I should like it by and by. +Nevertheless, for this time I was willing to stop at the stables; but +the pony had only just found how good it was to be moving, and he went +by at full canter. Down the dell, through the quarters, past the +cottages, till I saw Darry's house ahead of me, and began to think how +I _should_ get round again. At that pace I could not. Could I stop the +fellow? I tried, but there was not much strength in my arms; one or +two pulls did no good, and one or two pulls more did no good; pony +cantered on, and I saw we were making straight for the river. I knew +that I _must_ stop him; I threw so much good-will into the handling of +my reins that, to my joy, the pony paused, let himself be turned about +placidly, and took up his leisurely walk again. But now I was in a +hurry, wanting to be dismounted before anybody should come; and I was +a little triumphant, having kept my seat and turned my horse. +Moreover, the walk was not good after that stirring canter. I would +try it again. But it took a little earnestness now and more than one +touch of my whip before the pony would mind me. Then he obeyed in good +style and we cantered quietly up to where Darry was waiting. The thing +was done. The pony and I had come to an understanding. I was a rider +from that time, without fear or uncertainty. The first gentle pull on +the bridle was obeyed and I came to a stop in front of Darry and my +cousin Preston. + +I have spent a great deal of time to tell of my ride. Yet not more +than its place in my life then deserved. It was my last half hour of +pleasure for I think many a day. I had cantered up the slope, all +fresh in mind and body, excited and glad with my achievement and with +the pleasure of brisk motion; I had forgotten everybody and everything +disagreeable, or what I did not forget I disregarded; but just before +I stopped I saw what sent another thrill than that of pleasure +tingling through all my veins. I saw Preston, who had but a moment +before reached the stables, I saw him lift his hand with a light +riding switch he carried, and drew the switch across Darry's mouth. I +shall never forget the coloured man's face, as he stepped back a pace +or two. I understood it afterwards; I _felt_ it then. There was no +resentment; there was no fire of anger, which I should have expected; +there was no manly and no stolid disregard of what had been done. +There was instead a slight smile, which to this day I cannot bear to +recall; it spoke so much of patient and helpless humiliation; as of +one wincing at the galling of a sore and trying not to show he winced. +Preston took me off my horse, and began to speak. I turned away from +him to Darry, who now held two horses, Preston having just dismounted; +and I thanked him for my pleasure, throwing into my manner all the +studied courtesy I could. Then I walked up the dell beside Preston, +without looking at him. + +Preston scolded. He had prepared a surprise for me, and was excited by +his disappointment at my mounting without him. Of course I had not +known that; and Darry, who was in the secret, had not known how to +refuse. I gave Preston no answer to his charges and reproaches. At +last I said I was tired and I wished he would not talk. + +"Tired! you are something besides tired," he said. + +"I suppose I am," I answered with great deliberation. + +He was eager to know what it was; but then we came out upon the avenue +and were met flush by my aunt and Miss Pinshon. My aunt inquired, and +Preston, who was by no means cool yet, accused me about the doings of +the afternoon. I scarcely heeded one or the other; but I did feel Miss +Pinshon's taking my hand and leading me home all the rest of the way. +It was not that I wanted to talk to Preston, for I was not ready to +talk to him; but this holding me like a little child was excessively +distasteful to my habit of freedom. My governess would not loose her +clasp when we got to the house; but kept fast hold and led me upstairs +to my own room. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +SEVEN HUNDRED PEOPLE. + + +"Do you think that was a proper thing to do, Daisy?" my governess +asked when she released me. + +"What thing, ma'am?" I asked. + +"To tear about on that great grey pony." + +"Yes, ma'am," I said. + +"You think it _was_ proper?" said Miss Pinshon, coolly. "Whom had you +with you?" + +"Nobody was riding with me." + +"Your cousin was there?" + +"No, ma'am." + +"Who then?" + +"I had Uncle Darry. I was only riding up and down the dell." + +"The coachman! And were you riding up and through the quarters all the +afternoon?" + +"No, ma'am." + +"What were you doing the rest of the time?" + +"I was going about----" I hesitated. + +"About where?" + +"Through the place there." + +"The quarters? Well, you think it proper amusement for your mother's +daughter? You are not to make companions of the servants, Daisy. You +are not to go to the quarters without my permission, and I shall not +give it frequently. Now get yourself ready for tea." + +I did feel as if Preston's prophecy were coming true and I in a way to +be gradually petrified; some slow, chill work of that kind seemed +already to be going on. But a little thing soon stirred all the life +there was in me. Miss Pinshon stepped to the door which led from her +room into mine, unlocked it, took out the key, and put it on her own +side of the door. I sprang forward at that, with a word, I do not know +what; and my governess turned her lustrous, unmoved eyes calmly upon +me. I remember now how deadening their look was, in their very lustre +and moveless calm. I begged however for a reversal of her last +proceeding; I wanted my door locked sometimes, I said. + +"You can lock the other door." + +"But I want both locked." + +"I do not. This door remains open, Daisy. I must come in here when I +please. Now make haste and get ready." + +I had no time for anything but to obey. I went downstairs, I think, +like a machine; my body obeying certain laws, while my mind and spirit +were scarcely present. I suppose I behaved myself as usual; save that +I would have nothing to do with Preston, nor would I receive anything +whatever at the table from his hand. This, however, was known only to +him and me. I said nothing; not the less every word that others said +fastened itself in my memory. I was like a person dreaming. + +"You have just tired yourself with mounting that wild thing, Daisy," +said my Aunt Gary. + +"Wild!" said Preston. "About as wild as a tame sloth." + +"I always heard that was very wild indeed," said Miss Pinshon. "The +sloth cannot be tamed, can it?" + +"Being stupid already, I suppose not," said Preston. + +"Daisy looks pale at any rate," said my aunt. + +"A little overdone," said Miss Pinshon. "She wants regular exercise; +but irregular exercise is very trying to any but a strong person. I +think Daisy will be stronger in a few weeks." + +"What sort of exercise do you think will be good for her, ma'am?" +Preston said, with an expression out of all keeping with his words, it +was so fierce. + +"I shall try different sorts," my governess answered, composedly. +"Exercise of patience is a very good thing, Master Gary. I think +gymnastics will be useful for Daisy too. I shall try them." + +"That is what I have often said to my sister," said Aunt Gary. "I have +no doubt that sort of training would establish Daisy's strength more +than anything in the world. She just wants that to develop her and +bring out the muscles." + +Preston almost groaned; pushed his chair from the table, and I knew +sat watching me. I would give him no opportunity, for _my_ opportunity +I could not have then. I kept quiet till the ladies moved; I moved +with them; and sat all the evening abstracted in my own meditations, +without paying Preston any attention; feeling indeed very old and +grey, as no doubt I looked. When I was ordered to bed Miss Pinshon +desired I would hold no conversation with anybody. Whereupon Preston +took my candle and boldly marched out of the room with me. When we +were upstairs he tried to make me disobey my orders. He declared I +was turning to stone already; he said a great many hard words against +my governess; threatened he would write to my father; and when he +could not prevail to make me talk, dashed off passionately and left +me. I went trembling into my room. But my refuge there was gone. I had +fallen upon evil times. My door must not be locked, and Miss Pinshon +might come in any minute. I could not pray. I undressed and went to +bed; and lay there, waiting, all things in order, till my governess +looked in. Then the door was closed, and I heard her steps moving +about in her room. I lay and listened. At last the door was softly set +open again; and then after a few minutes the sound of regular slow +breathing proclaimed that those wide-open black eyes were really +closed for the night. I got up, went to my governess's door and +listened. She was sleeping profoundly. I laid hold of the handle of +the door and drew it towards me; pulled out the key softly, put it in +my own side of the lock and shut the door. And after all I was afraid +to turn the key. The wicked sound of the lock might enter those +sleeping ears. But the door was closed; and I went to my old place, +the open window. It was not my window at Melbourne, with balmy summer +air, and the dewy scent of the honeysuckle coming up, and the +moonlight flooding all the world beneath me. But neither was it in the +regions of the North. The night was still and mild, if not balmy; and +the stars were brilliant; and the evergreen oaks were masses of dark +shadow all over the lawn. I do not think I saw them at first; for my +look was up to the sky, where the stars shone down to greet me, and +where it was furthest from all the troubles on the surface of the +earth; and with one thought of the Friend up there, who does not +forget the troubles of even His little children, the barrier in my +heart gave way, my tears gushed forth; my head lay on the window-sill +at Magnolia, more hopelessly than in my childish sorrow it had ever +lain at Melbourne. I kept my sobs quiet; I must; but they were deep, +heartbreaking sobs, for a long time. + +Prayer got its chance after a while. I had a great deal to pray for; +it seemed to my child's heart now and then as if it could hardly bear +its troubles. And very much I felt I wanted patience and wisdom. I +thought there was a great deal to do, even for my little hands; and +promise of great hindrance and opposition. And the only one pleasant +thing I could think of in my new life at Magnolia, was that I might +tell of the truth to those poor people who lived in the negro +quarters. + +Why I did not make myself immediately ill, with my night's vigils and +sorrow, I cannot tell; unless it were that great excitement kept off +the effects of chill air and damp. However, the excitement had its own +effects, and my eyes were sadly heavy when they opened the next +morning to look at Margaret lighting my fire. + +"Margaret," I said, "shut Miss Pinshon's door, will you?" + +She obeyed, and then turning to look at me, exclaimed that I was not +well. + +"Did you say you could not read, Margaret?" was my answer. + +"Read! no, missis. Guess readin' ain't no good for servants. Seems +like Miss Daisy ain't lookin' peart this mornin'." + +"Would you _like_ to read?" + +"Reckon don't care about it, Miss Daisy. Where'd us get books, most +likely?" + +I said I would get the books; but Margaret turned to the fire and +made me no answer. I heard her mutter some ejaculation. + +"Because, Margaret, don't you know," I said, raising myself on my +elbow, "God would like to have you learn to read, so that you might +know the Bible and come to heaven." + +"Reckon folks ain't a heap better that knows the Bible," said the +girl. "'Pears as if it don't make no difference. Ain't nobody good in +_this_ place, 'cept Uncle Darry." + +In another minute I was out of bed and standing before the fire, my +hand on her shoulder. I told her I wanted _her_ to be good too, and +that Jesus would make her good, if she would let Him. Margaret gave me +a hasty look and then finished her fire making; but to my great +astonishment, a few minutes after, I saw that the tears were running +down the girl's face. It astonished me so much that I said no more; +and Margaret was as silent, only dressed me with the greatest +attention and tenderness. + +"Ye want your breakfast bad, Miss Daisy," she remarked then in a +subdued tone; and I suppose my looks justified her words. They created +some excitement when I went downstairs. My aunt exclaimed; Miss +Pinshon inquired; Preston inveighed, at things in general. He wanted +to get me by myself, I knew, but he had no chance. Immediately after +breakfast Miss Pinshon took possession of me. + +The day was less weary than the day before, only I think because I was +tired beyond impatience or nervous excitement. Not much was done; for +though I was very willing I had very little power. But the multiplication +table, Miss Pinshon said, was easy work; and at that and reading and +writing, the morning crept away. My hand was trembling, my voice was +faint, my memory grasped nothing so clearly as Margaret's tears that +morning, and Preston's behaviour the preceding day. My cheeks were pale, +of course. Miss Pinshon said we would begin to set that right with a walk +after dinner. + +The walk was had; but with my hand clasped in Miss Pinshon's I only +wished myself at home all the way. At home again, after a while of +lying down to rest, I was tried with a beginning of calisthenics. A +trial it was to me. The exercises, directed and overseen by Miss +Pinshon, seemed to me simply intolerable, a weariness beyond all other +weariness. Even the multiplication table I liked better. Miss Pinshon +was tired perhaps herself at last. She let me go. + +It was towards the end of the day. With no life left in me for +anything, I strolled out into the sunshine: aimlessly at first; then +led by a secret inclination I hardly knew or questioned, my steps +slowly made their way round by the avenue to the stables. Darry was +busy there as I had found him yesterday. He looked hard at me as I +came up; and asked me earnestly how I felt that afternoon? I told him +I was tired; and then I sat down on a huge log which lay there and +watched him at his work. By turns I watched the sunlight streaming +along the turf and lighting the foliage of the trees on the other side +of the dell; looking in a kind of dream, as if I were not Daisy nor +this Magnolia in any reality. I suddenly started and awoke to +realities as Darry began to sing,-- + + "My Father's house is built on high, + Far, far above the starry sky; + And though like Lazarus sick and poor, + My heavenly mansion is secure. + I'm going home,-- + I'm going home,-- + I'm going home + To die no more! + To die no more-- + To die no more-- + I'm going home + To die no more!" + +The word "home" at the end of each line was dwelt upon in a prolonged +sonorous note. It filled my ear with its melodious, plaintive breath +of repose; it rested and soothed me. I was listening in a sort of +trance, when another sound at my side both stopped the song and quite +broke up the effect. It was Preston's voice. Now for it. He was all +ready for a fight, and I felt miserably battered and shaken and unfit +to fight anything. + +"What are you doing here, Daisy?" + +"I am doing nothing," I said. + +"It is almost tea-time. Hadn't you better be walking home, before +Medusa comes looking out for you?" + +I rose up, and bade Uncle Darry good-night. + +"Good-night, missis," he said heartily, "and de morning dat hab no +night, for my dear little missis, by'm by." + +I gave him my hand, and walked on. + +"Stuff!" muttered Preston, by my side. + +"You will not think it 'stuff' when the time comes," I said, no doubt +very gravely. Then Preston burst out. + +"I only wish Aunt Felicia was here! You will spoil these people, +Daisy, that's one thing, or you would if you were older. As it is, you +are spoiling yourself." + +I made no answer. He went on with other angry and excited words, +wishing to draw me out, perhaps; but I was in no mood to talk to +Preston in any tone but one. I went steadily and slowly on, without +even turning my head to look at him. I had hardly life enough to talk +to him in _that_ tone. + +"Will you tell me what is the matter with you?" he said, at last, very +impatiently. + +"I am tired, I think." + +"Think? Medusa is stiffening the life out of you. _Think_ you are +tired! You are tired to death; but that is not all. What ails you?" + +"I do not think anything ails me." + +"What ails _me_, then? What is the matter? What makes you act so? +Speak, Daisy--you must speak!" + +I turned about and faced him, and I know I did not speak then as a +child, but with a gravity befitting fifty years. + +"Preston, did you strike Uncle Darry yesterday?" + +"Pooh!" said Preston. But I stood and waited for his answer. + +"Nonsense, Daisy!" he said again. + +"What is nonsense?" + +"Why, _you_. What are you talking about?" + +"I asked you a question." + +"A ridiculous question. You are just absurd." + +"Will you please to answer it?" + +"I don't know whether I will. What have you to do with it?" + +"In the first place, Preston, Darry is not your servant." + +"Upon my word!" said Preston. "But yes, he is; for mamma is regent +here now. He must do what I order him anyhow." + +"And then, Preston, Darry is better than you, and will not defend +himself; and somebody ought to defend him; and there is nobody but +me." + +"Defend himself!" echoed Preston. + +"Yes. You insulted him yesterday." + +"Insulted him!" + +"You know you did. You know, Preston, some men would not have borne +it. If Darry had been like some men, he would have knocked you down." + +"Knocked me down!" cried Preston. "The sneaking old scoundrel! He +knows that I would shoot him if he did." + +"I am speaking seriously, Preston. It is no use to talk that way." + +"I am speaking very seriously," said my cousin. "I would shoot him, +upon my honour." + +"Shoot him!" + +"Certainly." + +"What right have you to shoot a man for doing no worse than you do? I +would _rather_ somebody would knock me down, than do what you did +yesterday." And my heart swelled within me. + +"Come, Daisy, be a little sensible!" said Preston, who was in a fume +of impatience. "Do you think there is no difference between me and an +old nigger?" + +"A great deal of difference," I said. "He is old and good; and you are +young, and I wish you were as good as Darry. And then he can't help +himself without perhaps losing his place, no matter how you insult +him. I think it is cowardly." + +"Insult!" said Preston. "Lose his place! Heavens and earth, Daisy! are +you such a simpleton?" + +"You insulted him badly yesterday. I wondered how he bore it of you; +only Darry is a Christian." + +"A fiddlestick!" said Preston impatiently. "He knows he must bear +whatever I choose to give him; and therein he is wiser than you are." + +"Because he is a Christian," said I. + +"I don't know whether he is a Christian or not; and it is nothing to +the purpose. I don't care what he is." + +"Oh, Preston! he is a good man--he is a servant of God; he will wear a +crown of gold in heaven; and you have dared to touch him." + +"Why, hoity, toity!" said Preston, "what concern of mine is all that! +All I know is, that he did not do what I ordered him." + +"What did you order him?" + +"I ordered him not to show you the saddle I had got for you, till I +was here. I was going to surprise you. I am provoked at him!" + +"I am surprised," I said. But feeling how little I prevailed with +Preston, and being weak in body as well as mind, I could not keep back +the tears. I began to walk on again, though they blinded me. + +"Daisy, don't be foolish. If Darry is to wear two crowns in the other +world, he is a servant in this, all the same; and he must do his +duty." + +"I asked for the saddle," I said. + +"Why, Daisy, Daisy!" Preston exclaimed, "don't be such a child. You +know nothing about it. I didn't touch Darry to hurt him." + +"It was a sort of hurt that if he had not been a Christian he would +have made you sorry for." + +"He knows I would shoot him if he did," said Preston coolly. + +"Preston, don't speak so!" I pleaded. + +"It is the simple truth. Why shouldn't I speak it?" + +"You do not mean that you would do it?" I said, scarce opening my eyes +to the reality of what he said. + +"I give you my word, I do. If one of these black fellows laid a hand +on me I would put a bullet through him, as quick as a partridge." + +"But then you would be a murderer," said I. The ground seemed taken +away from under my feet. We were standing still now, and facing each +other. + +"No, I shouldn't," said Preston. "The law takes better care of us than +that." + +"The law would hang you," said I. + +"I tell you, Daisy, it is no such thing! Gentlemen have a right to +defend themselves against the insolence of these black fellows." + +"And have not the black fellows a right to defend themselves against +the insolence of gentlemen?" said I. + +"Daisy, you are talking the most unspeakable nonsense," said Preston, +quite put beyond himself now. "_Don't_ you know any better than that? +These people are our servants--they are our property--we are to do +what we like with them; and of course the law must see that we are +protected, or the blacks and the whites could not live together." + +"A man may be your servant, but he cannot be your property," I said. + +"Yes he can! They are our property, just as much as the land is; our +goods to do as we like with. Didn't you know that?" + +"Property is something that you can buy and sell," I answered. + +"And we sell the people, and buy them too, as fast as we like." + +"_Sell_ them!" I echoed, thinking of Darry. + +"Certainly." + +"And who would buy them?" + +"Why all the world; everybody. There has been nobody sold off the +Magnolia estate, I believe, in a long time; but nothing is more +common, Daisy; everybody is doing it everywhere, when he has got too +many servants, or when he has got too few." + +"And do you mean," said I, "that Darry and Margaret and Theresa and +all the rest here, have been _bought_?" + +"No; almost all of them have been born on the place." + +"Then it is not true of these," I said. + +"Yes, it is; for their mothers and fathers were bought. It is the same +thing." + +"Who bought them?" I asked, hastily. + +"Why our mothers, and grandfather and great-grandfather." + +"_Bought_ the fathers and mothers of all these hundreds of people?" +said I, a slow horror creeping into my veins, that yet held childish +blood, and but half comprehended. + +"Certainly--ages ago," said Preston. "Why, Daisy, I thought you knew +all about it." + +"But who sold them first?" said I, my mind in its utter rejection of +what was told to me, seeking every refuge from accepting it. "Who sold +them first?" + +"Who first? Oh, the people that brought them over from Africa, I +suppose; or the people in their own country that sold them to _them_." + +"They had no right to sell them," I said. + +"Can't tell about that," said Preston. "We bought them. I suppose we +had a right to do that." + +"But if the fathers and mothers were bought," I insisted, "that gave +us no right to have their children." + +"I would like you to ask Aunt Felicia or my Uncle Randolph such a +question," said Preston. "Just see how they would like the idea of +giving up all their property! Why, you would be as poor as Job, +Daisy." + +"That land would be here all the same." + +"Much good the land would do you, without people to work it." + +"But other people could be hired as well as these," I said, "if any of +these wanted to go away." + +"No, they couldn't. White people cannot bear the climate nor do the +work. The crops cannot be raised without coloured labour." + +"I do not understand," said I, feeling my child's head puzzled. "Maybe +none of our people would like to go away?" + +"I dare say they wouldn't," said Preston, carelessly. "They are better +off here than on most plantations. Uncle Randolph never forbids his +hands to have meat; and some planters do." + +"Forbid them to have meat!" I said, in utter bewilderment. + +"Yes." + +"Why?" + +"They think it makes them fractious, and not so easy to manage. Don't +you know, it makes a dog savage to feed him on raw meat! I suppose +cooked meat has the same effect on men." + +"But don't they get what they choose to eat?" + +"Well, I should think not!" said Preston. "Fancy their asking to be +fed on chickens and pound cake. That is what they would like." + +"But cannot they spend their wages for what they like?" + +"Wages!" said Preston. + +"Yes," said I. + +"My dear Daisy," said Preston, "you are talking of what you just +utterly don't understand; and I am a fool for bothering you with it. +Come! let us make it up and be friends." + +He stooped to kiss me, but I stepped back. + +"Stop," I said. "Tell me--can't they do what they like with their +wages?" + +"I don't think they have wages enough to 'do what they like' exactly," +said Preston. "Why, they would 'like' to do nothing. These black +fellows are the laziest things living. They would 'like' to lie in the +sun all day long." + +"What wages does Darry have?" I asked. + +"Now, Daisy, this is none of your business. Come, let us go into the +house and let it alone." + +"I want to know, first," said I. + +"Daisy, I never asked. What have I to do with Darry's wages?" + +"I will ask himself," I said; and I turned about to go to the stables. + +"Stop, Daisy," cried Preston. "Daisy, Daisy! you are the most +obstinate Daisy that ever was, when once you have taken a thing in +your head. Daisy, what have you to do with all this? Look here--these +people don't want wages." + +"Don't want wages?" I repeated. + +"No; they don't want them. What would they do with wages? they have +everything they need given them already; their food and their clothing +and their houses. They do not want anything more." + +"You said they did not have the food they liked," I objected. + +"Who does?" said Preston. "I am sure _I_ don't--not more than one day +in seven, on an average." + +"But don't they have any wages at all?" I persisted. "Our coachman at +Melbourne had thirty dollars a month; and Logan had forty dollars and +his house and garden. Why shouldn't Darry have wages, too? Don't they +have any wages at all, Preston?" + +"Why, yes! they have plenty of corn, bread, and bacon, I tell you; and +their clothes. Daisy, they _belong_ to you, these people do." + +Corn, bread, and bacon was not much like chickens and pound cake, I +thought; and I remembered our servants at Melbourne were very, very +differently dressed from the women I saw about me here, even in the +house. I stood bewildered and pondering. Preston tried to get me to go +on. + +"Why shouldn't they have wages?" I asked at length, with lips which I +believe were growing old with my thoughts. + +"Daisy, they are your servants; they _belong_ to you. They have no +right to wages. Suppose you had to pay all these creatures--seven +hundred of them--as you pay people at Melbourne: how much do you +suppose you would have left to live upon yourselves? What nonsense it +is to talk!" + +"But they work for us," I said. + +"Certainly. There would not be anything for any of us if they didn't. +Here, at Magnolia, they raise rice crops and corn, as well as cotton; +at our place we grow nothing but cotton and corn." + +"Well, what pays them for working?" + +"I told you! they have their living and clothing and no care; and they +are the happiest creatures the sun shines on." + +"Are they willing to work for only that!" I asked. + +"Willing!" said Preston. + +"Yes," said I, feeling myself grow sick at heart. + +"I fancy nobody asks them that question. They have to work, I reckon, +whether they like it or no." + +"You said they _like_ to lie in the sun. What makes them work?" + +"Makes them!" said Preston, who was getting irritated as well as +impatient. "They get a good flogging if they do not work--that is all. +They know, if they don't do their part, the lash will come down: and +it don't come down easy." + +I suppose I must have looked as if it had come down on me. Preston +stopped talking and began to take care of me, putting his arm round me +to support my steps homeward. In the verandah my aunt met us. She +immediately decided that I was ill, and ordered me to go to bed at +once. It was the thing of all others I would have wished to do. It +saved me from the exertion of trying to hold myself up and of speaking +and moving and answering questions. I went to bed in dull misery, +longing to go to sleep and forget all my troubles of mind and body +together; but while the body rested, the mind would not. That kept the +consciousness of its burden; and it was that, more than any physical +ail, which took away my power of eating, and created instead a +wretched sort of half nausea, which made even rest unrefreshing. As +for rest in my mind and heart, it seemed at that time as if I should +never know it again. Never again! I was a child--I had but vague ideas +respecting even what troubled me; nevertheless I had been struck, +where may few children be struck! in the very core and quick of my +heart's reverence and affection. It had come home to me that papa was +somehow doing wrong. My father was in my childish thought and belief, +the ideal of chivalrous and high-bred excellence;--and _papa_ was +doing wrong. I could not turn my eyes from the truth; it was before me +in too visible a form. It did not arrange itself in words, either; not +at first; it only pressed upon my heart and brain that seven hundred +people on my father's property were injured, and by his will, and for +his interests. Dimly the consciousness came to me; slowly it found its +way and spread out its details before me; bit by bit one point after +another came into my mind to make the whole good; bit by bit one item +after another came in to explain and be explained and to add its quota +of testimony; all making clear and distinct and dazzling before me the +truth which at first it was so hard to grasp. And this is not the less +true because my childish thought at first took everything vaguely and +received it slowly. I was a child and a simple child; but once getting +hold of a clue of truth, my mind never let it go. Step by step, as a +child could, I followed it out. And the balance of the golden rule, to +which I was accustomed, is an easy one to weigh things in; and even +little hands can manage it. + +For an hour after they put me to bed my heart seemed to grow chill +from minute to minute; and my body, in curious sympathy, shook as if I +had an ague. My aunt and Miss Pinshon came and went and were busy +about me; making me drink negus and putting hot bricks to my feet. +Preston stole in to look at me; but I gathered that neither then nor +afterwards did he reveal to any one the matter of our conversation the +hour before. "Wearied"--"homesick"--"feeble"--"with no sort of +strength to bear anything"--they said I was. All true, no doubt; and +yet I was not without powers of endurance, even bodily, if my mind +gave a little help. Now the trouble was, that all such help was +wanting. The dark figures of the servants came and went too, with the +others; came and stayed; Margaret and Mammy Theresa took post in my +room, and when they could do nothing for me, crouched by the fire and +spent their cares and energies in keeping that in full blast. I could +hardly bear to see them; but I had no heart to speak even to ask that +they might be sent away, or for anything else; and I had a sense +besides that it was a gratification to them to be near me; and to +gratify any one of the race I could have borne a good deal of pain. + +It smites my heart now, to think of those hours. The image of them is +sharp and fresh as if the time were but last night. I lay with shut +eyes, taking in as it seemed to be, additional loads of trouble with +each quarter of an hour; as I thought and thought, and put one and +another thing together, of things past and present, to help my +understanding. A child will carry on that process fast and to far-off +results; give her but the key and set her off on the track of truth +with a sufficient impetus. My happy childlike ignorance and childlike +life was in a measure gone; I had come into the world of vexed +questions, of the oppressor and the oppressed, the full and the empty, +the rich and the poor. I could make nothing at all of Preston's +arguments and reasonings. The logic of expediency and of consequences +carried no weight with me, and as little the logic of self-interest. I +sometimes think a child's vision is clearer, even in worldly matters, +than the eyes of those can be who have lived among the fumes and +vapours that rise in these low grounds, unless the eyes be washed day +by day in the spring of truth, and anointed with unearthly ointment. +The right and the wrong were the two things that presented themselves +to my view; and oh, my sorrow and heartbreak was, that papa was in the +wrong. I could not believe it, and yet I could not get rid of it. +There were oppressors and oppressed in the world; and _he_ was one of +the oppressors. There is no sorrow that a child can bear, keener and +more gnawingly bitter than this. It has a sting of its own, for which +there is neither salve nor remedy; and it had the aggravation, in my +case, of the sense of personal dishonour. The wrong done and the +oppression inflicted were not the whole; there was besides the +intolerable sense of living upon other's gains. It was more than my +heart could bear. + +I could not write as I do--I could not recall these thoughts and that +time--if I had not another thought to bring to bear upon them; a +thought which at that time I was not able to comprehend. It came to me +later with its healing, and I have seen and felt it more clearly as I +grew older. I see it very clearly now. I had not been mistaken in my +childish notions of the loftiness and generosity of my father's +character. He was what I had thought him. Neither was I a whit wrong +in my judgment of the things which it grieved me that he did and +allowed. But I saw afterwards how he, and others, had grown up and +been educated in a system and atmosphere of falsehood, till he failed +to perceive that it was false. His eyes had lived in the darkness till +it seemed quite comfortably light to him; while to a fresh vision, +accustomed to the sun, it was pure and blank darkness, as thick as +night. He followed what others did and his father had done before him, +without any suspicion that it was an abnormal and morbid condition of +things they were all living in; more especially without a tinge of +misgiving that it might not be a noble, upright, dignified way of +life. But I, his little unreasoning child, bringing the golden rule of +the gospel only to judge of the doings of hell, shrank back and fell +to the ground, in my heart, to find the one I loved best in the world +concerned in them. + +So when I opened my eyes that night, and looked into the blaze of the +firelight, the dark figures that were there before it stung me with +pain every time; and every soft word and tender look on their +faces--and I had many a one, both words and looks--racked my heart in +a way that was strange for a child. The negus put me to sleep at last, +or exhaustion did; I think the latter, for it was very late; and the +rest of that night wore away. + +When I awoke, the two women were there still, just as I had left them +when I went to sleep. I do not know if they sat there all night, or if +they had slept on the floor by my side; but there they were, and +talking softly to one another about something that caught my +attention. I bounced out of bed--though I was so weak, I remember I +reeled as I went from my bed to the fire, and steadied myself by +laying my hand on Mammy Theresa's shoulder. I demanded of Margaret +_what_ she had been saying. The women both started, with expressions +of surprise, alarm, and tender affection, raised by my ghostly looks, +and begged me to get back into bed again. I stood fast, bearing on +Theresa's shoulder. + +"What was it?" I asked. + +"'Twarn't nothin', Miss Daisy, dear!" said the girl. + +"Hush! don't tell me that," I said. "Tell me what it was--tell me what +it was. Nobody shall know; you need not be afraid; nobody shall know." +For I saw a cloud of hesitation in Margaret's face. + +"'Twarn't nothin', Miss Daisy--only about Darry." + +"What about Darry?" I said, trembling. + +"He done went and had a praise-meetin'," said Theresa; "and he knowed +it war agin the rules; he knowed that. 'Course he did. Rules mus' be +kep'." + +"Whose rules?" I asked. + +"Laws, honey, 'taint 'cording to rules for we coloured folks to hold +meetin's no how. 'Course, we's ought to 'bey de rules; dat's clar." + +"Who made the rules?" + +"Who make 'em? Mass' Ed'ards--he made de rules on dis plantation. +Reckon Mass' Randolph, he make 'em a heap different." + +"Does Mr. Edwards make it a rule that you are not to hold +prayer-meetings?" + +"Can't spec' for to have everyt'ing jus like de white folks," said the +old woman. "We's no right to spect it. But Uncle Darry, he sot a sight +by his praise-meetin'. He's cur'ous, he is. S'pose Darry's cur'ous." + +"And does anybody say that you shall not have prayer-meetings?" + +"Laws, honey! what's we got to do wid praise-meetin's or any sort of +meetin's? We'se got to work. Mass' Ed'ards, he say dat de meetin's dey +makes coloured folks onsettled; and dey don't hoe de corn good if dey +has too much prayin' to do." + +"And does he forbid them then? doesn't he let you have +prayer-meetings?" + +"'Tain't Mr. Edwards alone, Miss Daisy," said Margaret, speaking low. +"It's agin the law for us to have meetin's anyhow, 'cept we get leave, +and say what house it shall be, and who's a comin', and what we'se +comin' for. And it's no use asking Mr. Edwards, 'cause he don't see no +reason why black folks should have meetin's." + +"Did Darry have a prayer-meeting without leave?" I asked. + +"'Twarn't no count of a meetin'!" said Theresa, a little touch of +scorn, or indignation, coming into her voice; "and Darry, he war in +his own house prayin'. Dere warn't nobody dere, but Pete and ole +'Liza, and Maria, cook, and dem two Johns dat come from de lower +plantation. Dey couldn't get a strong meetin' into Uncle Darry's +house; 'tain't big enough to hold 'em." + +"And what did the overseer do to Darry?" I asked. + +"Laws, Miss Daisy," said Margaret, with a quick look at the other +woman; "he didn't do nothing to hurt Darry; he only want to scare de +folks." + +"Dey's done scared," said Theresa, under her breath. + +"What is it?" I said, steadying myself by my hold on Theresa's +shoulder, and feeling that I must stand till I had finished my +inquiry: "how did he know about the meeting? and what did he do to +Darry? Tell me! I must know. I must know, Margaret." + +"Spect he was goin' through the quarters, and he heard Darry at his +prayin'," said Margaret. "Darry he don't mind to keep his prayers +secret, he don't," she added, with a half laugh. "Spect nothin' but +they'll bust the walls o' that little house some day." + +"Dey's powerful!" added Theresa. "But he warn't prayin' no harm; he +was just prayin', 'Dy will be done on de eart' as it be in de +heaven'--Pete, he tell me. Darry warn't saying not'ing--he just pray +'Dy will be done.'" + +"Well?" I said, for Margaret kept silent. + +"And de oberseer, he say--leastways he swore, he did--dat _his_ will +should be done on dis plantation, and he wouldn't have no such work. +He say, der's nobody to come togedder after it be dark, if it's two or +t'ree, 'cept dey gets his leave, Mass' Ed'ards, he say; and dey won't +get it." + +"But what did he do to Darry?" I could scarcely hold myself on my feet +by this time. + +"He whipped him, I reckon," said Margaret, in a low tone, and with a +dark shadow crossing her face, very different from its own brown +duskiness. + +"He don't have a light hand, Mass' Ed'ards," went on Theresa, "and he +got a sharp, new whip. De second stripe--Pete, he tell me this +evenin'--and it war wet; and it war wet enough before he got through. +He war mad, I reckon; certain, Mass' Ed'ards, he war mad." + +"_Wet?_" said I. + +"Laws, Miss Daisy," said Margaret, "'tain't nothin'. Them whips, they +draws the blood easy. Darry, he don't mind." + +I have a recollection of the girl's terrified face, but I heard nothing +more. Such a deadly sickness came over me that for a minute I must have +been near fainting; happily it took another turn amid the various +confused feelings which oppressed me, and I burst into tears. My eyes had +not been wet through all the hours of the evening and night; my heartache +had been dry. I think I was never very easy to move to tears, even as a +child. But now, well for me, perhaps, some element of the pain I was +suffering found the unguarded point--or broke up the guard. I wept as I +have done very few times in my life. I had thrown myself into Mammy +Theresa's lap, in the weakness which could not support itself, and in an +abandonment of grief which was careless of all the outside world; and +there I lay, clasped in her arms and sobbing. Grief, horror, tender +sympathy, and utter helplessness, striving together; there was nothing +for me at that moment but the woman's refuge and the child's remedy of +weeping. But the weeping was so bitter, so violent, and so uncontrollable, +that the women were frightened. I believe they shut the doors, to keep +the sound of my sobs from reaching other ears; for when I recovered the +use of my senses I saw that they were closed. + +The certain strange relief which tears do bring, they gave to me. I +cannot tell why. My pain was not changed, my helplessness was not done +away; yet at least I had washed my causes of sorrow in a flood of +heart drops, and cleansed them so somehow from any personal stain. +Rather I was perfectly exhausted. The women put me to bed, as soon as +I would let them; and Margaret whispered an earnest "Do, don't, Miss +Daisy, don't say nothin' about the prayer meetin'!" I shook my head; I +knew better than to say anything about it. + +All the better not to betray them, and myself, I shut my eyes, and +tried to let my face grow quiet. I had succeeded, I believe, before my +Aunt Gary and Miss Pinshon came in. The two stood looking at me; my +aunt in some consternation, my governess reserving any expression of +what she thought. I fancied she did not trust my honesty. Another time +I might have made an effort to right myself in her opinion; but I was +past that and everything now. It was decided by my aunt that I had +better keep my bed as long as I felt like doing so. + +So I lay there during the long hours of that day. I was glad to be +still, to keep out of the way in a corner, to hear little and see +nothing of what was going on; my own small world of thoughts was +enough to keep me busy. I grew utterly weary at last of thinking, and +gave it up, so far as I could; submitting passively, in a state of +pain, sometimes dull and sometimes acute, to what I had no power to +change or remedy. But my father _had_, I thought; and at those times +my longing was unspeakable to see him. I was very quiet all that day, +I believe, in spite of the rage of wishes and sorrows within me; but +it was not to be expected I should gain strength. On the contrary, I +think I grew feverish. If I could have laid down my troubles in +prayer! but at first, these troubles, I could not. The core and root +of them being my father's share in the rest. And I was not alone; and +I had a certain consciousness that if I allowed myself to go to my +little Bible for help, it would unbar my self-restraint, with its +sweet and keen words, and I should give way again before Margaret and +Theresa: and I did not wish that. + +"What shall we do with her?" said my Aunt Gary when she came to me +towards the evening. "She looks like a mere shadow. I never saw such a +change in a child in four weeks--never!" + +"Try a different regimen to-morrow, I think," said my governess, whose +lustrous black eyes looked at me sick, exactly as they looked at me +well. + +"I shall send for the doctor, if she isn't better," said my aunt. +"She's feverish now." + +"Keeping her bed all day," said Miss Pinshon. + +"Do you think so?" said my aunt. + +"I have no doubt of it. It is very weakening." + +"Then we will let her get up to-morrow, and see how that will do." + +They had been gone half an hour, when Preston stole in and came to the +side of my bed, between me and the firelight. + +"Come, Daisy, let us be friends!" he said. And he was stooping to kiss +me; but I put out my hand to keep him back. + +"Not till you have told Darry you are sorry," I said. + +Preston was angry instantly, and stood upright. + +"Ask pardon of a servant!" he said. "You would have the world upside +down directly." + +I thought it was upside down already; but I was too weak and +downhearted to say so. + +"Daisy, Daisy!" said Preston--"And there you lie, looking like a poor +little wood flower that has hardly strength to hold up its head; and +with about as much colour in your cheeks. Come, Daisy, kiss me, and +let us be friends." + +"If you will do what is right," I said. + +"I will--always," said Preston; "but this would be wrong, you know." +And he stooped again to kiss me. And again I would not suffer him. + +"Daisy, you are absurd," said Preston, vibrating between pity and +anger, I think, as he looked at me. "Darry is a servant, and +accustomed to a servant's place. What hurt you so much did not hurt +him a bit. He knows where he belongs." + +"You don't," said I. + +"What?" + +"Know anything about it." I remember I spoke very feebly. I had hardly +energy left to speak at all. My words must have come with a curious +contrast between the meaning and the manner. + +"Know anything about what, Daisy? You are as oracular and as immovable +as one of Egypt's monuments; only they are very hard, and you are very +soft, my dear little Daisy!--and they are very brown, according to all +I have heard, and you are as white as a wind-flower. One can almost +see through you. What is it I don't know anything about?" + +"I am so tired, Preston!" + +"Yes; but what is it I don't know anything about?" + +"Darry's place--and yours," I said. + +"His place and mine! His place is a servant's, I take it, belonging to +Rudolf Randolph, of Magnolia. I am the unworthy representative of an +old Southern family, and a gentleman. What have you to say about +that?" + +"He is a servant of the Lord of lords," I said; "and his Master loves +him. And He has a house of glory preparing for him, and a crown of +gold, and a white robe, such as the King's children wear. And he will +sit on a throne himself by and by. Preston, where will _you_ be?" + +These words were said without the least heat of manner--almost +languidly; but they put Preston in a fume. I could not catch his +excitement in the least; but I saw it. He stood up again, hesitated, +opened his mouth to speak and shut it without speaking, turned and +walked away and came back to me. I did not wait for him then. + +"You have offended one of the King's children," I said; "and the King +is offended." + +"Daisy," said Preston, in a sort of suppressed fury, "one would think +you had turned Abolitionist; only you never heard of such a thing." + +"What is it?" said I, shutting my eyes. + +"It is just the meanest and most impudent shape a Northerner can take; +it is the lowest end of creation, an Abolitionist is; and a Yankee is +pretty much the same thing!" + +"Dr. Sandford is a Yankee," I remarked. + +"Did you get it from _him_?" Preston asked, fiercely. + +"What?" said I, opening my eyes. + +"Your nonsense. Has he taught you to turn Abolitionist?" + +"I have not _turned_ at all," I said. "I wish you would. It is only +the people who are in the wrong that ought to turn." + +"Daisy," said Preston, "you ought never to be away from Aunt Felicia +and my uncle. Nobody else can manage you. I don't know what you will +become or what you will do, before they get back." + +I was silent; and Preston, I suppose, cooled down. He waited awhile, +and then again begged that I would kiss and be friends. "You see, I am +going away to-morrow morning, little Daisy." + +"I wish you had gone two days ago," I said. + +And my mind did not change, even when the morning came. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +IN THE KITCHEN. + + +I was ill for days. It was not due to one thing, doubtless, nor one +sorrow, but the whole together. My aunt sent to Baytown for the old +family physician. He came up and looked at me, and decided that I +ought to "play" as much as possible! + +"She isn't a child that likes play," said my aunt. + +"Find some play that she does like, then. Where are her father and +mother?" + +"Just sailed for Europe, a few weeks ago." + +"The best thing would be for her to sail after them," said the old +doctor. And he went. + +"We shall have to let her do just as they did at Melbourne," said my +aunt. + +"How was that?" said Miss Pinshon. + +"Let her have just her own way." + +"And what was that?" + +"Oh, queer," said my aunt. "She is not like other children. But +anything is better than to have her mope to death." + +"I shall try and not have her mope," said Miss Pinshon. + +But she had little chance to adopt her reforming regimen for some +time. It was plain I was not fit for anything but to be let alone, +like a weak plant struggling for its existence. All you can do with it +is to put it in the sun; and my aunt and governess tacitly agreed upon +the same plan of treatment for me. Now, the only thing wanting was +sunshine; and it was long before that could be had. After a day or two +I left my bed, and crept about the house, and out of the house under +the great oaks, where the material sunshine was warm and bright +enough, and caught itself in the grey wreaths of moss that waved over +my head, and seemed to come bodily to woo me to life and cheer. It lay +in the carpet under my feet, it lingered in the leaves of the thick +oaks, it wantoned in the wind, as the long draperies of moss swung and +moved gently to and fro; but the very sunshine is cold where the ice +meets it; I could get no comfort. The thoughts that had so troubled me +the evening after my long talk with Preston were always present with +me; they went out and came in with me; I slept with them, and they met +me when I woke. The sight of the servants was wearying. I shunned +Darry and the stables. I had no heart for my pony. I would have liked +to get away from Magnolia. Yet, be I where I might, it would not alter +my father's position towards these seven hundred people. And towards +how many more? There were his estates in Virginia. + +One of the first things I did, as soon as I could command my fingers +to do it, was to write to him. Not a remonstrance. I knew better than +to touch that. All I ventured, was to implore that the people who +desired it might be allowed to hold prayer-meetings whenever they +liked, and Mr. Edwards be forbidden to interfere. Also I complained +that the inside of the cabins were not comfortable; that they were +bare and empty. I pleaded for a little bettering of them. It was not a +long letter that I wrote. My sorrow I could not tell, and my love and +my longing were equally beyond the region of words. I fancy it would +have been thought by Miss Pinshon a very cold little epistle, but Miss +Pinshon did not see it. I wrote it with weak trembling fingers, and +closed it and sealed it and sent it myself. Then I sank into a +helpless, careless, listless state of body and mind, which was very +bad for me; and there was no physician who could minister to me. I +went wandering about, mostly out of doors, alone with myself and my +sorrow. When I seemed a little stronger than usual, Miss Pinshon tried +the multiplication table; and I tried, but the spring of my mind was +for the time broken. All such trials came to an end in such weakness +and weariness, that my governess herself was fain to take the book +from my hands and send me out into the sunshine again. + +It was Darry at last who found me one day, and, distressed at my +looks, begged that I would let him bring up my pony. He was so earnest +that I yielded. I got leave, and went to ride. Darry saddled another +horse for himself and went with me. That first ride did not help me +much; but the second time a little tide of life began to steal into my +veins. Darry encouraged and instructed me; and when we came cantering +up to the door of the house, my aunt, who was watching there, cried +out that I had a bit of a tinge in my cheeks, and charged Darry to +bring the horses up every day. + +With a little bodily vigour a little strength of mind seemed to come; +a little more power of bearing up against evils, or of quietly +standing under them. After the third time I went to ride, having come +home refreshed, I took my Bible and sat down on the rug before the +fire in my room to read. I had not been able to get comfort in my +Bible all those days; often I had not liked to try. Right and wrong +never met me in more brilliant colours or startling shadows than +within the covers of that book. But to-day, soothed somehow, I went +along with the familiar words as one listens to old music, with the +soothing process going on all along. Right _was_ right, and glorious, +and would prevail some time; and nothing could hinder it. And then I +came to words which I knew, yet which had never taken such hold of me +before. + +"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works +and glorify your Father which is in heaven." + +"_That_ is what I have to do!" I thought immediately. "That is my +part. That is clear. What _I_ have to do, is to let my light shine. +And if the light shines, perhaps it will fall on something. But what +_I_ have to do, is to shine. God has given me nothing else." + +It was a very simple child's thought; but it brought wonderful comfort +with it. Doubtless, I would have liked another part to play. I would +have liked--if I could--to have righted all the wrong in the world; to +have broken every yoke; to have filled every empty house, and built up +a fire on every cold hearth: but that was not what God had given me. +All He had given me, that I could see at the minute, was to shine. +What a little morsel of a light mine was, to be sure! + +It was a good deal of a puzzle to me for days after that, _how_ I was +to shine. What could I do? I was a little child: my only duties some +lessons to learn: not much of that, seeing I had not strength for it. +Certainly, I had sorrows to bear; but bearing them well did not seem +to me to come within the sphere of _shining_. Who would know that I +bore them well? And shining is meant to be seen. I pondered the +matter. + +"When's Christmas, Miss Daisy?" + +Margaret asked this question one morning as she was on her knees +making my fire. Christmas had been so shadowed a point to me in the +distance, I had not looked at it. I stopped to calculate the days. + +"It will be two weeks from Friday, Margaret." + +"And Friday's to-morrow?" she asked. + +"The day after to-morrow. What do you do at Christmas, Margaret? all +the people?" + +"There ain't no great doings, Miss Daisy. The people gets four days, +most of 'em." + +"Four days--for what?" + +"For what they like; they don't do no work, those days." + +"And is that all?" + +"No, Miss Daisy, 'tain't just all; the women comes up to the +house--it's to the overseer's house now--and every one gets a bowl o' +flour, more or less, 'cordin' to size of family--and a quart of +molasses, and a piece o' pork." + +"And what do they do to make the time pleasant?" I asked. + +"Some on 'em's raised eggs and chickens; and they brings 'em to the +house and sells 'em; and they has the best dinner. Most times they +gets leave to have a meetin'." + +"A prayer-meeting?" I said. + +"Laws, no, Miss Daisy! not 'cept it were Uncle Darry and _his_ set. +The others don't make no count of a prayer-meetin'. They likes to have +a white-folks' meetin' and 'joy theirselves." + +I thought very much over these statements; and for the next two weeks +bowls of flour and quarts of molasses, as Christmas doings, were mixed +up in my mind with the question, how I was to shine? or rather, +alternated with it; and plans began to turn themselves over and take +shape in my thoughts. + +"Margaret," said I, a day or two before Christmas, "can't the people +have those meetings you spoke of without getting leave of Mr. +Edwards?" + +"Can't have meetin's, no how!" Margaret replied decidedly. + +"But if _I_ wanted to see them, couldn't they, some of them, come +together to see me?" + +"To see Miss Daisy! Reckon Miss Daisy do what she like. 'Spect Mass' +Ed'ards let Miss Daisy 'lone!" + +I was silent, pondering. + +"Maria cook wants to see Miss Daisy bad. She bid me tell Miss Daisy +won't she come down in de kitchen, and see all the works she's a-doin' +for Christmas, and de glorifications?" + +"I? I'll come if I can," I answered. + +I asked my aunt and got easy leave; and on Christmas eve I went down +to the kitchen. That was the chosen time when Maria wished to see me. +There was an assembly of servants gathered in the room, some from out +of the house. Darry was there; and one or two other fine-looking men +who were his prayer-meeting friends. I supposed they were gathered to +make merry for Christmas eve; but, at any rate, they were all eager to +see me, and looked at me with smiles as gentle as have ever fallen to +my share. I felt it and enjoyed it. The effect was of entering a warm, +genial atmosphere, where grace and good-will were on every side; a +change very noticeable from the cold and careless habit of things +upstairs. And _grace_ is not a misapplied epithet; for these children +of a luxurious and beauty-loving race, even in their bondage, had not +forgotten all traces of their origin. As I went in, I could not help +giving my hand to Darry; and then, in my childish feeling towards +them, and in the tenderness of the Christmas-tide, I could not help +doing the same by all the others who were present. And I remember now +the dignity of mien in some, the frank ease in others, both graceful +and gracious, with which my civility was met. If a few were a little +shy, the rest more than made it up by their welcome of me, and a sort +of politeness which had almost something courtly in it. Darry and +Maria together gave me a seat, in the very centre and glow of the +kitchen light and warmth; and the rest made a half circle around, +leaving Maria's end of the room free for her operations. + +The kitchen was all aglow with the most splendid fire of pine knots it +was ever my lot to see. The illumination was such as threw all +gaslights into shade. We were in a great stone-flagged room, +low-roofed, with dark cupboard door; not cheerful, I fancy, in the +mere light of day: but nothing could resist the influence of those +pine-knot flames. Maria herself was a portly fat woman, as far as +possible from handsome; but she looked at me with a whole world of +kindness in her dark face. Indeed, I saw the same kindness more or +less shining out upon me in all the faces there. I cannot tell the +mixed joy and pain that it, and they, gave me. I suppose I showed +little of either, or of anything. + +Maria entertained me with all she had. She brought out for my view her +various rich and immense stores of cakes and pies and delicacies for +the coming festival; told me what was good and what I must be sure and +eat; and what would be good for me. And then, when that display was +over, she began to be very busy with beating of eggs in a huge wooden +bowl; and bade Darry see to the boiling of the kettle at the fire; +and sent Jem, the waiter, for things he was to get upstairs; and all +the while talked to me. She and Darry and one or two more talked, but +especially she and Theresa and Jem; while all the rest listened and +laughed and exclaimed, and seemed to find me as entertaining as a +play. Maria was asking me about my own little life and experiences +before I came to Magnolia; what sort of a place Melbourne was, and how +things there differed from the things she and the rest knew and were +accustomed to at the South; and about my old June, who had once been +an acquaintance of hers. Smiling at me the while, between the thrusts +of her curiosity, and over my answers, as if for sheer pleasure she +could not keep grave. The other faces were as interested and as +gracious. There was Pete, tall and very black, and very grave, as +Darry was also. There was Jem, full of life and waggishness, and +bright for any exercise of his wits; and grave shadows used to come +over his changeable face often enough too. There was Margaret, with +her sombre beauty; and old Theresa with her worn old face. I think +there was a certain indescribable reserve of gravity upon them all, +but there was not one whose lips did not part in a white line when +looking at me, nor whose eyes and ears did not watch me with an +interest as benign as it was intent. I had been little while seated +before the kitchen fire of pine knots before I felt that I was in the +midst of a circle of personal friends; and I feel it now, as I look +back and remember them. They would have done much for me, every one. + +Meanwhile Maria beat and mixed and stirred the things in her wooden bowl; +and by and by ladled out a glassful of rich-looking, yellow, creamy +froth--I did not know what it was, only it looked beautiful--and +presented it to me. + +"Miss Daisy mus' tell Mis' Felissy Maria hain't forgot how to make +it--'spect she hain't, anyhow. Dat's for Miss Daisy's Christmas." + +"It's very nice!" I said. + +"Reckon it is," was the capable answer. + +"Won't you give everybody some, Maria?" For Jem had gone upstairs with +a tray and glasses, and Maria seemed to be resting upon her labours. + +"Dere'll come down orders for mo', chile; and 'spose I gives it to de +company, what'll Mis' Lisa do wid Maria? I have de 'sponsibility of +Christmas." + +"But you can make some more," I said, holding my glass in waiting. +"Do, Maria." + +"'Spose hain't got de 'terials, hey?" + +"What do you want? Aunt Gary will give it to you." And I begged Jem to +go up again and prefer my request to her for the new filling of +Maria's bowl. Jem shrugged his shoulders, but he went; and I suppose +he made a good story of it; for he came down with whatever was +wanted--my Aunt Gary was in a mood to refuse me nothing then--and +Maria went anew about the business of beating and mixing and +compounding. + +There was great enjoyment in the kitchen. It was a time of high +festival, what with me and the egg supper. Merriment and jocularity, a +little tide-wave of social excitement, swelled and broke on all sides +of me; making a soft ripply play of fun and repartee, difficult to +describe, and which touched me as much as it amused. It was very +unlike the enjoyment of a set of white people holding the same social +and intellectual grade. It was the manifestation of another race, less +coarse and animal in their original nature, more sensitive and more +demonstrative, with a strange touch of the luxurious and refined for +a people whose life has had nothing to do with luxury, and whom +refinement leaves on one side as quite beyond its sphere. But blood is +a strange thing; and Ham's children will show luxurious and aesthetic +tastes, take them where you will. + +"Chillen, I hope you's enjoyed your supper," Maria said, when the last +lingering drops had been secured, and mugs and glasses were coming +back to the kitchen table. + +Words and smiles answered her. "We's had a splendid time, Aunt Maria," +said one young man as he set down his glass. He was a worker in the +garden. + +"Den I hope's we's all willin' to gib de Lord t'anks for His goodness. +Dere ain't a night in de year when it's so proper to gib de Lord +t'anks, as it be dis precious night." + +"It's to-morrow night, Aunt Maria," said Pete. "To-morrow's Christmas +night." + +"I don't care! One night's jus' as good as another, you Pete. And now +we's all together, you see, and comfortable together; and I feel like +giving t'anks, I do, to de Lord, for all His mercies." + +"What's Christmas, anyhow?" asked another. + +"It's jus' de crown o' all the nights in de year. You Solomon, it's a +night dat dey keeps up in heaven. You know nothin' about it, you poor +critter. I done believe you never hearn no one tell about it. Maybe +Miss Daisy wouldn't read us de story, and de angels, and de shepherds, +and dat great light what come down, and make us feel good for +Christmas; and Uncle Darry, he'll t'ank de Lord." + +The last words were put in a half-questioning form to me, rather +taking for granted that I would readily do what was requested. And +hardly anything in the world, I suppose, could have given me such +deep gratification at the moment. Margaret was sent upstairs to fetch +my Bible; the circle closed in around the fire and me; a circle of +listening, waiting, eager, interested faces, some few of them shone +with pleasure, or grew grave with reverent love, while I read slowly +the chapters that tell of the first Christmas night. I read them from +all the gospels, picking the story out first in one, then in another; +answered sometimes by low words of praise that echoed but did not +interrupt me--words that were but some dropped notes of the song that +began that night in heaven, and has been running along the ages since, +and is swelling and will swell into a great chorus of earth and heaven +by and by. And how glad I was in the words of the story myself, as I +went along. How heart-glad that here, in this region of riches and +hopes not earthly, those around me had as good welcome, and as open +entrance, and as free right as I. "There is neither bond nor free." +"And base things of this world, and things which are despised, hath +God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things +that are." + +I finished my reading at last, amid the hush of my listening audience. +Then Maria called upon Darry to pray, and we all kneeled down. + +It comes back to me now as I write--the hush and the breathing of the +fire, and Darry's low voice and imperfect English. Yes, and the +incoming tide of rest and peace and gladness which began to fill the +dry places in my heart, and rose and swelled till my heart was full. I +lost my troubles and forgot my difficulties. I forgot that my father +and mother were away, for the sense of loneliness was gone. I forgot +that those around me were in bonds, for I felt them free as I, and +inheritors of the same kingdom. I have not often in my life listened +to such a prayer, unless from the same lips. He was one of those that +make you feel that the door is open to their knocking, and that they +always find it so. His words were seconded--not interrupted, even to +my feelings--by low-breathed echoes of praise and petition, too soft +and deep to leave any doubt of the movement that called them forth. + +There was a quiet gravity upon all when we rose to our feet again. I +knew I must go; but the kitchen had been the pleasantest place to me +in all Magnolia. I bade them good-night, answered with bows and +curtseys and hearty wishes; and as I passed out of the circle, tall +black Pete, looking down upon me with just a glimmer of white between +his lips, added, "Hope you'll come again." + +A thought darted into my head which brought sunshine with it. I seemed +to see my way begin to open. + +The hope was warm in my heart as soon as I was awake the next morning. +With more comfort than for many days I had known, I lay and watched +Margaret making my fire. Then suddenly I remembered it was Christmas, +and what thanksgivings had been in heaven about it, and what should be +on earth; and a lingering of the notes of praise I had heard last +night made a sort of still music in the air. But I did not expect at +all that any of the ordinary Christmas festivities would come home to +me, seeing that my father and mother were away. Where should Christmas +festivities come from? So, when Margaret rose up and showed all her +teeth at me, I only thought last night had given her pleasure, and I +suspected nothing, even when she stepped into the next room and +brought in a little table covered with a shawl, and set it close to my +bedside. "Am I to have breakfast in bed?" I asked. "What is this +for?" + +"Dunno, Miss Daisy," said Margaret, with all her white teeth +sparkling;--"'spose Miss Daisy take just a look, and see what 'pears +like." + +I felt the colour come into my face. I raised myself on my elbow and +lifted up cautiously one corner of the shawl. Packages--white paper +and brown paper--long and short, large and small! "O Margaret, take +off the shawl, will you!" I cried; "and let me see what is here." + +There was a good deal. But "From Papa" caught my eye on a little +parcel. I seized it and unfolded. From papa, and he so far away! But I +guessed the riddle before I could get to the last of the folds of +paper that wrapped and enwrapped a little morocco case. Papa and +mamma, leaving me alone, had made provision beforehand, that when this +time came I might miss nothing except themselves. They had thought and +cared and arranged for me; and now they were thinking about it, +perhaps, far away somewhere over the sea. I held the morocco case in +my hand a minute or two before I could open it. Then I found a little +watch; my dear little watch! which has gone with me ever since, and +never failed nor played tricks with me. My mother had put in one of +her own chains for me to wear with it. + +I lay a long time looking and thinking, raised up on my elbow as I was, +before I could leave the watch and go on to anything else. Margaret +spread round my shoulders the shawl which had covered the Christmas +table; and then she stood waiting, with a good deal more impatience and +curiosity than I showed. But such a world of pleasure and pain gathered +round that first "bit of Christmas"--so many, many thoughts of one and +the other kind--that I for awhile had enough with that. At last I closed +the case, and keeping it yet in one hand, used the other to make more +discoveries. The package labelled "From Mamma," took my attention next; +but I could make nothing of it. An elegant little box, that was all, +which I could not open; only it felt so very heavy that I was persuaded +there must be something extraordinary inside. I could make nothing of it: +it was a beautiful box; that was all. Preston had brought me a little +riding whip, both costly and elegant. I could not but be much pleased +with it. A large, rather soft package, marked with Aunt Gary's name, +unfolded a riding cap to match; at least, it was exceeding rich and +stylish, with a black feather that waved away in curves that called forth +Margaret's delighted admiration. Nevertheless, I wondered, while I +admired, at my Aunt Gary's choice of a present. I had a straw hat which +served all purposes, even of elegance, for my notions. I was amazed to +find that Miss Pinshon had not forgotten me. There was a decorated pen, +wreathed with a cord of crimson and gold twist, and supplemented with two +dangling tassels. It was excessively pretty, as I thought of Aunt Gary's +cap; and _not_ equally convenient. I looked at all these things while +Margaret was dressing me; but the case with the watch, for the most part, +I remember I kept in my hand. + +"Ain't you goin' to try it on and see some how pretty it looks, Miss +Daisy?" said my unsatisfied attendant. + +"The cap?" said I. "Oh, I dare say it fits. Aunt Gary knows how big my +head is." + +"Mass' Preston come last night," she went on; "so I reckon Miss +Daisy'll want to wear it by and by." + +"Preston come last night!" I said. "After I was in bed?"--and feeling +that it was indeed Christmas, I finished getting ready and went +downstairs. I made up my mind I might as well be friends with +Preston, and not push any further my displeasure at his behaviour. So +we had a comfortable breakfast. My aunt was pleased to see me, she +said, look so much better. Miss Pinshon was not given to expressing +what she felt; but she looked at me two or three times without saying +anything, which I suppose meant satisfaction. Preston was in high +feather, making all sorts of plans for my divertisement during the +next few days. I, for my part, had my own secret cherished plan, which +made my heart beat quicker whenever I thought of it. But I wanted +somebody's counsel and help; and on the whole I thought my Aunt Gary's +would be the safest. So after breakfast I consulted Preston only about +my mysterious little box, which would not open. Was it a paper weight? + +Preston smiled, took up the box and performed some conjuration upon +it, and then--I cannot describe my entranced delight--as he set it +down again on the table, the room seemed to grow musical. Softest, +most liquid sweet notes came pouring forth one after the other, +binding my ears as if I had been in a state of enchantment; binding +feet and hands and almost my breath, as I stood hushed and listening +to the liquid warbling of delicious things, until the melody had run +itself out. It was a melody unknown to me; wild and dainty; it came +out of a famous opera, I was told afterward. When the fairy notes sunk +into silence, I turned mutely towards Preston. Preston laughed. + +"I declare!" he said,--"I declare! Hurra! you have got colour in your +cheeks, Daisy; absolutely, my little Daisy! there is a real streak of +pink there where it was so white before." + +"_What_ is it?" said I. + +"Just a little good blood coming up under the skin." + +"Oh no, Preston--_this_; what is it?" + +"A musical box." + +"But where does the music come from?" + +"Out of the box. See, Daisy; when it has done a tune and is run out, +you must wind it up, so,--like a watch." + +He wound it up and set it on the table again. And again a melody came +forth, and this time it was different; not plaintive and thoughtful, +but jocund and glad; a little shout and ring of merriment, like the +feet of dancers scattering the drops of dew in a bright morning; or +like the chime of a thousand little silver bells rung for laughter. A +sort of intoxication came into my heart. When Preston would have wound +up the box again, I stopped him. I was full of the delight. I could +not hear any more just then. + +"Why, Daisy, there are ever so many more tunes." + +"Yes. I am glad. I will have them another time," I answered. "How very +kind of mamma!" + +"Hit the right thing this time, didn't she? How's the riding cap, +Daisy?" + +"It is very nice," I said. "Aunt Gary is very good; and I like the +whip _very_ much, Preston." + +"That fat little rascal will want it. Does the cap fit, Daisy?" + +"I don't know," I said. "Oh yes, I suppose so." + +Preston made an exclamation, and forthwith would have it tried on to +see how it looked. It satisfied him; somehow it did not please me as +well; but the ride did, which we had soon after; and I found that my +black feather certainly suited everybody else. Darry smiled at me, and +the house servants were exultant over my appearance. + +Amid all these distracting pleasures, I kept on the watch for an +opportunity to speak to Aunt Gary alone. Christmas day I could not. I +could not get it till near the next day. + +"Aunt Gary," I said, "I want to consult you about something." + +"You have always something turning about in your head," was her +answer. + +"Do you think," said I slowly, "Mr. Edwards would have any objection +to some of the people coming to the kitchen Sunday evenings to hear me +read the Bible?" + +"To hear _you_ read the Bible!" said my aunt. + +"Yes, Aunt Gary; I think they would like it. You know they cannot read +it for themselves." + +"_They_ would like it. And you would be delighted, wouldn't you?" + +"Yes, Aunt Gary. I should like it better than anything." + +"You are a funny child! There is not a bit of your mother in +you--except your obstinacy." + +And my aunt seemed to ponder my difference. + +"Would Mr. Edwards object to it, do you think? Would he let them +come?" + +"The question is whether _I_ will let them come. Mr. Edwards has no +business with what is done in the house." + +"But, Aunt Gary, you would not have any objection." + +"I don't know, I am sure. I wish your father and mother had never left +you in my charge; for I don't know how to take care of you." + +"Aunt Gary," I said, "please don't object! There is nobody to read the +Bible to them--and I should like to do it very much." + +"Yes, I see you would. There--don't get excited about it--every Sunday +evening, did you say?" + +"Yes, ma'am, if you please." + +"Daisy, it will just tire you; that's what it will do. I know it, just +as well as if I had seen it. You are not strong enough." + +"I am sure it would refresh me, Aunt Gary. It did the other night." + +"The other night?" + +"Christmas eve, ma'am." + +"Did you read to them then?" + +"Yes, ma'am; they wanted to know what Christmas was about." + +"And you read to them. You are the oddest child!" + +"But Aunt Gary, never mind--it would be the greatest pleasure to me. +Won't you give leave?" + +"The servants hear the Bible read, child, every morning and every +night." + +"Yes, but that is only a very few of the house servants. I want some +of the others to come--a good many--as many as can come." + +"I wish your mother and father were here!" sighed my aunt. + +"Do you think Mr. Edwards would make any objection?" I asked again, +presuming on the main question being carried. "Would he let them +come?" + +"Let them come!" echoed my aunt. "Mr. Edwards would be well employed +to interfere with anything the family chose to do." + +"But you know he does not let them meet together, the people, Aunt +Gary; not unless they have his permission." + +"No, I suppose so. That is his business." + +"Then will you speak to him, ma'am, so that he may not be angry with +the people when they come?" + +"I? No," said my aunt. "I have nothing to do with your father's +overseer. It would just make difficulty, maybe, Daisy; you had better +let this scheme of yours alone." + +I could not without bitter disappointment. Yet I did not know how +further to press the matter. I sat still and said nothing. + +"I declare, if she isn't growing pale about it!" exclaimed my aunt. "I +know one thing, and that is, your father and mother ought to have +taken you along with them. I have not the least idea how to manage +you; not the least. What is it you want to do, Daisy?" + +I explained over again. + +"And now if you cannot have this trick of your fancy you will just +fidget yourself sick! I see it. Just as you went driving all about +Melbourne without company to take care of you. I am sure I don't know. +It is not in my way to meddle with overseers--How many people do you +want to read to at once, Daisy?" + +"As many as I can, Aunt Gary. But Mr. Edwards will not let two or +three meet together anywhere." + +"Well, I dare say he is right. You can't believe anything in the world +these people tell you, child. They will lie just as fast as they will +speak." + +"But if they came to see _me_, Aunt Gary?" I persisted, waiving the +other question. + +"That's another thing, of course. Well, don't worry. Call Preston. Why +children cannot be children passes my comprehension." + +Preston came, and there was a good deal of discussing of my plan; at +which Preston frowned and whistled, but on the whole, though I knew +against his will, took my part. The end was, my aunt sent for the +overseer. She had some difficulty, I judge, in carrying the point; +and made capital of my ill-health and delicacy and spoiled-child +character. The overseer's unwilling consent was gained at last; the +conditions being, that every one who came to hear the reading should +have a ticket of leave, written and signed by myself, for each +evening; and that I should be present with the assembly from the +beginning to the close of it. + +My delight was very great. And my aunt, grumbling at the whole matter, +and especially at her share in it, found an additional cause of +grumbling in that, she said, I had looked twenty per cent. better ever +since this foolish thing got possession of my head. "I am wondering," +she remarked to Miss Pinshon, "whatever Daisy will do when she grows +up. I expect nothing but she will be--what do you call them?--one of +those people who run wild over the human race." + +"Pirates?" suggested Preston. "Or corsairs?" + +"Her mother will be disappointed," went on my aunt. "That is what I +confidently expect." + +Miss Pinshon hinted something about the corrective qualities of +mathematics; but I was too happy to heed her or care. I _was_ stronger +and better, I believe, from that day; though I had not much to boast +of. A true tonic had been administered to me; my fainting energies +took a new start. + +I watched my opportunity, and went down to the kitchen one evening to +make my preparations. I found Maria alone and sitting in state before +the fire--which I believe was always in the kitchen a regal one. I +hardly aver saw it anything else. She welcomed me with great suavity; +drew up a chair for me; and finding I had something to say, sat then +quite grave and still looking into the blaze, while I unfolded my +plan. + +"De Lord is bery good!" was her subdued comment, made when I had done. +"He hab sent His angel, sure!" + +"Now, Maria," I went on, "you must tell me who would like to come next +Sunday, you think; and I must make tickets for them. Every one must +have my ticket, with his name on it; and then there will be no fault +found." + +"I s'pose not," said Maria--"wid Miss Daisy's name on it." + +"Who will come, Maria?" + +"Laws, chile, dere's heaps. Dere's Darry, and Pete--Pete, he say de +meetin' de oder night war 'bout de best meetin' he eber 'tended; he +wouldn't miss it for not'ing in de world; he's sure; and dere's ole +'Lize; and de two Jems--no, dere's _tree_ Jems dat is ser'ous; and +Stark, and Carl, and Sharlim----" + +"_Sharlim_?" said I, not knowing that this was the Caffir for +Charlemagne. + +"Sharlim," Maria repeated. "He don' know much; but he has a leanin' +for de good t'ings. And Darry, he can tell who'll come. I done forget +all de folks' names." + +"Why, Maria," I said, "I did not know there were so many people at +Magnolia that cared about the Bible." + +"What has 'um to care for, chile, I should like fur to know? Dere +ain't much mo' in _dis_ world." + +"But I thought there were only very few," I said. + +"'Spose um fifty," said Maria. "Fifty ain't much, I reckon, when +dere's all de rest o' de folks what _don't_ care. De Lord's people is +a little people yet, for sure; and de world's a big place. When de +Lord come Hisself, to look for 'em, 'spect He have to look mighty +hard. De world's awful dark." + +That brought to my mind my question. It was odd, no doubt, to choose +an old coloured woman for my adviser, but indeed, I had not much +choice; and something had given me a confidence in Maria's practical +wisdom, which early as it had been formed, nothing ever happened to +shake. So, after considering the fire and the matter a moment, I +brought forth my doubt. + +"Maria," said I, "what is the best way--I mean, how can one let one's +light shine?" + +"What Miss Daisy talkin' about?" + +"I mean--you know what the Bible says--'Let your light so shine before +men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is +in heaven.'" + +"For sure, I knows dat. Ain't much shining in dese yere parts. De +people is dark, Miss Daisy; dey don' know. 'Spect dey would try to +shine, some on 'em, ef dey knowed. Feel sure dey would." + +"But that is what I wanted to ask about, Maria. How ought one to let +one's light shine?" + +I remember now the kind of surveying look the woman gave me. I do not +know what she was thinking of; but she looked at me, up and down, for +a moment, with a wonderfully tender, soft expression. Then turned +away. + +"How let um light shine?" she repeated. "De bestest way, Miss Daisy, +is fur to make him burn good." + +I saw it all immediately; my question never puzzled me again. Take +care that the lamp is trimmed; take care that it is full of oil; see +that the flame mounts clear and steady towards heaven; and the Lord +will set it where its light will fall on what pleases Him, and where +it will reach, mayhap, to what you never dream of. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +WINTER AND SUMMER. + + +From the Christmas holidays I think I began slowly to mend. My aunt +watched me, and grumbled that kitchen amusements and rides with Darry +should prove the medicines most healing and effectual; but she dared +stop neither of them. I believe the overseer remonstrated on the +danger of the night gatherings; but my Aunt Gary had her answer ready, +and warned him not to do anything to hinder me, for I was the apple of +my father's eye. Miss Pinshon, sharing to the full my aunt's +discontent, would have got on horseback, I verily believe, to be with +me in my rides; but she was no rider. The sound of a horse's four feet +always, she confessed, stamped the courage out of her heart. I was let +alone; and the Sunday evenings in the kitchen, and the bright morning +hours in the pine avenues and oak groves, were my refreshment and my +pleasure and my strength. + +What there was of it; for I had not much strength to boast for many a +day. Miss Pinshon tried her favourite recipe whenever she thought she +saw a chance, and I did my best with it. But my education that winter +was quite in another line. I could not bear much arithmetic. Bending +over a desk did not agree with me. Reading aloud to Miss Pinshon never +lasted for more than a little while at a time. So it comes, that my +remembrance of that winter is not filled with school exercises, and +that Miss Pinshon's figure plays but a subordinate part in its +pictures. Instead of that, my memory brings back, first and chiefest +of all, the circle of dark faces round the kitchen light wood fire, +and the yellow blaze on the page from which I read; I, a little figure +in white, sitting in the midst amongst them all. That picture--those +evenings--come back to me, with a kind of hallowed perfume of truth +and hope. Truth, it was in my lips and on my heart; I was giving it +out to those who had it not. And hope--it was in more hearts than +mine, no doubt; but in mine it beat with as steady a beat as the +tickings of my little watch by my side, and breathed sweet as the +flowers that start in spring from under the snow. I had often a large +circle; and it was part of my plan, and well carried into execution, +that these evenings of reading should supply also the place of the +missing prayer-meeting. Gradually I drew it on to be so understood; +and then my pieces of reading were scattered along between the +prayers, or sometimes all came at first, followed by two or three +earnest longer prayers from some of those that were present. And then, +without any planning of mine, came in the singing. Not too much, lest, +as Maria said, we should "make de folks upstairs t'ink dere war +somethin' oncommon in de kitchen;" but one or two hymns we would have, +so full of spirit and sweetness that often nowadays they come back to +me, and I would give very much to hear the like again. So full of +music, too. Voices untrained by art, but gifted by nature; melodious +and powerful; that took different parts in the tune, and carried them +through without the jar of a false note or a false quantity; and a +love both of song and of the truth which made the music mighty. It was +the greatest delight to me that singing, whether I joined them or only +listened. One,--the thought of it comes over me now and brings the +water to my eyes,-- + + "Am I a soldier of the cross-- + Of the cross-- + Of the cross-- + A follower of the Lamb; + And shall I fear to own his cause, + Own his cause-- + Own his cause-- + Or blush to speak his name?" + +The repetitions at the end of every other line were both plaintive and +strong; there was no weakness, but some recognition of what it costs +in certain circumstances to "own His cause." I loved that dearly. But +that was only one of many. + +Also, the Bible words were wonderful sweet to me, as I was giving them +out to those who else had a "famine of the word." Bread to the hungry +is quite another thing from bread on the tables of the full. + +The winter had worn well on, before I received the answer to the +letter I had written my father about the prayer-meetings and Mr. +Edwards. It was a short answer, not in terms but in actual extent; +showing that my father was not strong and well yet. It was very kind +and tender, as well as short; I felt that in every word. In substance, +however, it told me I had better let Mr. Edwards alone. He knew what +he ought to do about the prayer-meetings and about other things; and +they were what I could not judge about. So my letter said. It said, +too, that things seemed strange to me because I was unused to them; +and that when I had lived longer at the South they would cease to be +strange, and I would understand them and look upon them as every one +else did. + +I studied and pondered this letter; not greatly disappointed, for I +had had but slender hopes that my petition could work anything. Yet I +had a disappointment to get over. The first practical use I made of my +letter, I went where I could be alone with it--indeed, I was that when +I read it,--but I went to a solitary lonely place, where I could not +be interrupted; and there I knelt down and prayed, that however long I +might live at the South, I might never get to look upon evil as +anything but evil, nor ever become accustomed to the things I thought +ought not to be, so as not to feel them. I shall never forget that +half hour. It broke my heart that my father and I should look on such +matters with so different eyes; and with my prayer for myself, which +came from the very bottom of my heart, I poured out also a flood of +love and tears over him, and of petition that he might have better +eyesight one day. Ah yes! and before it should be too late to right +the wrong he was unconsciously doing. + +For now I began to see, in the light of this letter first, that my +father's eyes were not clear but blind in regard to these matters. And +what he said about me led me to think and believe that his blindness +was the effect, not of any particular hardness or fault in him, but of +long teaching and habit and custom. For I saw that everybody else +around me seemed to take the present condition of things as the true +and best one; not only convenient, but natural and proper. Everybody, +that is, who did not suffer by it. I had more than suspicions that the +seven hundred on the estate were of a different mind here from the +half dozen who lived in the mansion; and that the same relative +difference existed on the other plantations in the neighbourhood. We +made visits occasionally, and the visits were returned. I was not shut +out from them, and so had some chance to observe things within a +circle of twenty miles. Our "neighbourhood" reached so far. And child +as I was, I could not help seeing: and I could not help looking, half +unconsciously, for signs of what lay so close on my heart. + +My father's letter thus held some material of comfort for me, although +it refused my request. Papa would not overset the overseer's decision +about the prayer-meetings. It held something else. There was a little +scrap of a note to Aunt Gary, saying, in the form of an order, that +Daisy was to have ten dollars paid to her every quarter; that Mrs. +Gary would see it done; and would further see that Daisy was not +called upon, by anybody, at any time, to give any account whatever of +her way of spending the same. + +How I thanked papa for this! How I knew the tender affection and +knowledge of me which had prompted it. How well I understood what it +was meant to do. I had a little private enjoyment of Aunt Gary's +disconsolate face and grudging hands as she bestowed upon me the first +ten dollars. It was not that she loved money so well, but she thought +this was another form of my father's unwise indulging and spoiling of +me; and that I was spoiled already. But I--I saw in a vision a large +harvest of joy, to be raised from this small seed crop. + +At first I thought I must lay out a few shillings of my stock upon a +nice purse to keep the whole in. I put the purse down at the head of +the list of things I was making out, for purchase the first time I +should go to Baytown, or have any good chance of sending. I had a +good deal of consideration whether I would have a purse or a +pocket-book. Then I had an odd secret pleasure in my diplomatic way of +finding out from Darry and Maria and Margaret what were the wants most +pressing of the sick and the old among the people; or of the +industrious and the enterprising. Getting Darry to talk to me in my +rides, by degrees I came to know the stories and characters of many of +the hands; I picked up hints of a want or a desire here and there, +which Darry thought there was no human means of meeting or gratifying. +Then, the next time I had a chance, I brought up these persons and +cases to Maria, and supplemented Darry's hints with her information. +Or I attacked Margaret when she was making my fire, and drew from her +what she knew about the parties in whom I was interested. So I +learned--and put it down in my notebook accordingly--that Pete could +spell out words a little bit, and would like mainly to read; if only +he had a Testament in large type. He could not manage little print; it +bothered him. Also I learned, that Aunt Sarah, a middle-aged woman who +worked in the fields, "wanted terrible to come to de Sabbas meetin's, +but she war 'shamed to come, 'cause her feet was mos' half out of her +shoes; and Mr. Ed'ards wouldn't give her no more till de time come +roun." Sarah had "been and gone and done stuck her feet in de fire for +to warm 'em, one time when dey was mighty cold, and she burn her +shoes. Learn her better next time." + +"But does she work every day in the field with her feet only half +covered?" I asked. + +"Laws! she don't care," said Maria. "'Taint no use give dem darkies +not'ng; dey not know how to keep um." + +But this was not Maria's real opinion, I knew. There was often a +strange sort of seeming hard edge of feeling put forth which I learned +to know pointed a deep, deep, maybe only half-conscious irony, and was +in reality a bitter comment upon facts. So a pair of new shoes for +Sarah went down in my list with a large print Testament for Pete. Then +I found that some of the people, some of the old ones, who in youth +had been accustomed to it, like nothing so well as tea; it was +ambrosia and Lethe mingled; and a packet of tea was put in my list +next to the Testament. But the tea must have sugar; and I could not +bear that they should drink it out of mugs, without any teaspoons; so +to please myself I sent for a little delf ware and a few pewter +spoons. Little by little my list grew. I found that Darry knew +something about letters; could write a bit; and would prize the means +of writing as a very rare treasure and pleasure. And with fingers that +almost trembled with delight, I wrote down paper and pens and a bottle +of ink for Darry. Next, I heard of an old woman at the quarters, who +was ailing and infirm, and I am afraid ill-treated, who at all events +was in need of comfort, and had nothing but straw and the floor to +rest her poor bones on at night. A soft pallet for her went down +instantly on my list; my ink and tears mingled together as I wrote; +and I soon found that my purse must be cut off from the head of my +list for that time. I never ventured to put it at the head again; nor +found a chance to put it anywhere else. I spent four winters at +Magnolia after that; and never had a new purse all the time. + +I had to wait awhile for an opportunity to make my purchases; then had +the best in the world, for Darry was sent to Baytown on business. To +him I confided my list and my money, with my mind on the matter; and I +was served to a point and with absolute secrecy. For that I had +insisted on. Darry and Maria were in my counsels, of course; but the +rest of the poor people knew only by guess who their friend was. Old +Sarah found her new shoes in her hut one evening, and in her noisy +delight declared that "some big angel had come t'rough de quarters." +The cups and saucers it was necessary to own, lest more talk should +have been made about them than at all suited me; Darry let it be +understood that nothing must be said and nobody must know of the +matter; and nobody did; but I took the greatest enjoyment in hearing +from Maria how the old women (and one or two men) gathered together +and were comforted over their cups of tea. And over the _cups_, Maria +said: the cups and spoons made the tea twice as good; but I doubt +their relish of it was never half so exquisite as mine. I had to give +Pete his Testament; he would not think it the same thing if he did not +have it from my own hand, Maria said; and Darry's pens and ink +likewise. The poor woman for whom I had got the bed was, I fear, +beyond enjoying anything; but it was a comfort to me to know that she +was lying on it. The people kept my secret perfectly; my aunt and +governess never, I believe, heard anything of all these doings; I had +my enjoyment to myself. + +And the Sunday evening prayer-meeting grew, little by little. Old +Sarah and her new shoes were there, of course, at once. Those who +first came never failed. And week by week, as I went into the kitchen +with my Bible, I saw a larger circle; found the room better lined with +dark forms and sable faces. They come up before me now as I write, one +and another. I loved them all. I love them still, for I look to meet +many of them in glory; "where there is neither bond or free." Nay, +that is _here_ and at present, to all who are in Christ; we do not +wait for heaven, to be all one. + +And they loved me, those poor people. I think Pete had something the +same sort of notion about me that those Ephesians had of their image +of Diana, which they insisted had fallen from heaven. I used to feel +it then, and be amused by it. + +But I am too long about my story. No wonder I linger, when the +remembrance is so sweet. With this new interest that had come into my +life, my whole life brightened. I was no longer spiritless. My +strength little by little returned. And with the relief of my heart +about my father, my happiness sprung back almost to its former and +usual state when I was at Melbourne. For I had by this time submitted +to my father's and mother's absence as a thing of necessity, and +submitted entirely. Yet my happiness was a subdued sort of thing; and +my Aunt Gary still thought it necessary to be as careful of me, she +said, "as if I were an egg-shell." As I grew stronger, Miss Pinshon +made more and more demands upon my time with her arithmetic lessons +and other things; but my rides with Darry were never interfered with, +nor my Sunday evening readings; and, indeed, all the winter I +continued too delicate and feeble for much school work. My dreaded +governess did not have near so much to do with me as I thought she +would. + +The spring was not far advanced before it was necessary for us to quit +Magnolia. The climate, after a certain day, or rather the air, was not +thought safe for white people. We left Magnolia; and went first to +Baytown and then to the North. There our time was spent between one +and another of several watering-places. I longed for Melbourne; but +the house was shut up; we could not go there. The summer was very +wearisome to me. I did not like the houses in which our time was +spent, or the way of life led in them. Neither did Miss Pinshon, I +think, for she was out of her element, and had no chance to follow +her peculiar vocation. Of course, in a public hotel, we could not have +a schoolroom; and with the coming on of warm weather my strength +failed again so sensibly, that all there was to do was to give me sea +air and bathing, and let me alone. The bathing I enjoyed; those +curling salt waves breaking over my head are the one image of anything +fresh or refreshing which my memory has kept. I should have liked the +beach; I did like it; only it was covered with bathers, or else with +promenaders in carriages and on foot, at all times when I saw it; and +though they were amusing, the beach was spoiled. The hotel rooms were +close and hot; I missed all the dainty freedom and purity of my own +home; the people I saw were, it seemed to me, entirely in keeping with +the rooms; that is, they were stiff and fussy, not quiet and busy. +They were busy after their own fashion, indeed; but it always seemed +to me busy about nothing. The children I saw too did not attract me; +and I fear I did not attract them. I was sober-hearted and low-toned +in spirit and strength; while they were as gay as their elders. And I +was dressed according to my mother's fancy, in childlike style, +without hoops, and with my hair cropped short all over my head. They +were stately with crinoline, and rich with embroidery, stiff with fine +dresses and plumes; while a white frock and a flat straw were all my +adornment, except a sash. I think they did not know what to make of +me; and I am sure I had nothing in common with them; so we lived very +much apart. There was a little variation in my way of life when +Preston came; yet not much. He took me sometimes to drive, and did +once go walking with me on the beach; but Preston found a great deal +where I found nothing, and was all the time taken up with people and +pleasures; boating and yachting and fishing expeditions; and I +believe with hops and balls too. But I was always fast asleep at those +times. + +It was a relief to me when the season came to an end, and we went to +New York to make purchases before turning southward. I had once hoped, +that this time, the year's end might see my father and mother come +again. That hope had faded and died a natural death a long while ago. +Letters spoke my father's health not restored: he was languid and +spiritless and lacked vigour; he would try the air of Switzerland; he +would spend the winter in the Pyrenees! If that did not work well, my +mother hinted, perhaps he would have to try the effect of a long sea +voyage. Hope shrunk into such small dimensions that it filled but a +very little corner of my heart. Indeed, for the present I quite put it +by and did not look at it. One winter more must pass, at any rate, and +maybe a full year, before I could possibly see my father and mother at +home. I locked the door for the present upon hope; and turned my +thoughts to what things I had left with me. Chiefest of all these were +my poor friends at Magnolia. My money had accumulated during the +summer; I had a nice little sum to lay out for them, and in New York I +had chance to do it well, and to do it myself, which was a great +additional pleasure. As I could, bit by bit, when I was with Aunt Gary +shopping, when I could get leave to go out alone with a careful +servant to attend me, I searched the shops and catered and bought, for +the comfort and pleasure of--seven hundred! I could do little. Nay, +but it was for so many of those that I could reach with my weak hands; +and I did not despise that good because I could not reach them all. A +few more large-print Testaments I laid in; some copies of the Gospel +of John, in soft covers and good type; a few hymn books. All these +cost little. But for Christmas gifts, and for new things to give help +and comfort to my poor pensioners, I both plagued and bewitched my +brain. It was sweet work. My heart went out towards making _all_ the +people happy for once, at Christmas; but my purse would not stretch so +far; I had to let that go, with a thought and a sigh. + +One new thing came very happily into my head, and was worth a Peruvian +mine to me, in the pleasure and business it gave. Going into a large +greenhouse with my aunt, who wanted to order a bouquet, I went +wandering round the place while she made her bargain. For my Aunt Gary +made a bargain of everything. Wandering in thought as well, whither +the sweet breath of the roses and geraniums led me, I went back to +Molly in her cottage at Melbourne, and the Jewess geranium I had +carried her, and the rose tree; and suddenly the thought started into +my head, might not my dark friends at Magnolia, so quick to see and +enjoy anything of beauty that came in their way--so fond of bright +colour and grace and elegance--a luxurious race, even in their +downtrodden condition; might not _they_ also feel the sweetness of a +rose, or delight in the petals of a tulip? It was a great idea; it +grew into a full-formed purpose before I was called to follow Aunt +Gary out of the greenhouse. The next day I went there on my own +account. I was sure I knew what I wanted to do; but I studied a long +time the best way of doing it. Roses? I could hardly transport pots +and trees so far; they were too cumbersome. Geraniums were open to the +same objection, besides being a little tender as to the cold. Flower +seeds could not be sown, if the people had them; for no patch of +garden belonged to their stone huts, and they had no time to +cultivate such a patch if they had it. I must give what would call +for no care, to speak of, and make no demands upon overtasked strength +and time. Neither could I afford to take anything of such bulk as +would draw attention or call on questions and comments. I knew, as +well as I know now, what would be thought of any plan of action which +supposed a _love of the beautiful_ in creatures the only earthly use +of whom was to raise rice and cotton; who in fact were not half so +important as the harvests they grew. I knew what unbounded scorn would +visit any attempts of mine to minister to an aesthetic taste in these +creatures; and I was in no mind to call it out upon myself. All the +while I knew better. I knew that Margaret and Stephanie could put on a +turban like no white woman I ever saw. I knew that even Maria could +take the full effect of my dress when I was decked--as I was +sometimes--for a dinner party; and that no fall of lace or knot of +ribbon missed its errand to her eye. I knew that a _picture_ raised +the liveliest interest in all my circle of Sunday hearers; and that +they were quick to understand and keen to take its bearings, far more +than Molly Skelton would have been, more than Logan, our Scotch +gardener at Melbourne, or than my little old friend Hephzibah and her +mother. But the question stood, In what form could I carry beauty to +them out of a florist's shop? I was fain to take the florist into my +partial confidence. It was well that I did. He at once suggested +bulbs. Bulbs! would they require much care? Hardly any; no trouble at +all. They could be easily transported: easily kept. All they wanted +was a little pot of earth when I was ready to plant them; a little +judicious watering; an unbounded supply of sunshine. And what sorts of +bulbs were there? I asked diplomatically; not myself knowing, to tell +truth, what bulbs were at all. Plenty of sorts, the florist said; +there were hyacinths, all colours; and tulips, striped and plain, and +very gay; and crocuses, those were of nearly all colours too; and +ranunculus, and anemones, and snowdrops. Snowdrops were white; but of +several of the other kinds I could have every tint in the rainbow, +both alone and mixed. The florist stood waiting my pleasure, and +nipped off a dead leaf or two as he spoke, as if there was no hurry +and I could take my time. I went into happy calculation, as to how far +my funds would reach; gave my orders, very slowly and very carefully; +and went away the owner of a nice little stock of tulips, narcissus, +crocuses, and above all, hyacinths. I chose gay tints, and at the same +time inexpensive kinds; so that my stock was quite large enough for my +purposes; it mattered nothing to me whether a sweet double hyacinth +was of a new or an old kind, provided it was of first-rate quality; +and I confess it matters almost as little to me now. At any rate, I +went home a satisfied child; and figuratively speaking, dined and +supped off tulips and hyacinths, instead of mutton and bread and +butter. + +That afternoon it fell out that my aunt took me with her to a +milliner's on some business. In the course of it, some talk arose +about feathers and the value of them; and my aunt made a remark which, +like Wat Tyrrell's arrow, glanced from its aim and did execution in a +quarter undreamed of. + +"That feather you put in the little riding cap you sent me," she said +to the milliner--"your black feather, Daisy, you know--you charged me +but fifteen dollars for that; why is this so much more?" + +I did not hear the milliner's answer. My whole thought went off upon a +track entirely new to me, and never entered before My feather cost +fifteen dollars! Fifteen dollars! Supposing I had that to buy tulips +with? or in case I had already tulips enough, suppose I had it to buy +print gowns for Christmas presents to the women, which I had desired +and could not afford? Or that I had it to lay out in tea and sugar, +that my poor old friends might oftener have the one solace that was +left to them, or that more might share it? Fifteen dollars! It was +equal to one quarter and a half's allowance. My fund for more than a +third of the year would be doubled, if I could turn that black feather +into silver or gold again. And the feather was of no particular use +that I could see. It made me look like the heiress of Magnolia, my +aunt said; but neither could I see any use in _that_. Everybody knew, +that is, all the servants and friends of the family knew, that I was +that heiress; I needed no black feather to proclaim it. And now it +seemed to me as if my riding cap was heavy with undeveloped bulbs, +uncrystallized sugar, unweighed green tea. No transformation of the +feather was possible; it must wave over my brow in its old fashion, +whether it were a misguided feather or not; but my thoughts, once set +a going in this train, found a great deal to do. Truth to tell, they +have not done it all yet. + +"Aunt Gary," I said that same evening, musing over the things in my +boxes, "does lace cost much?" + +"That is like the countryman who asked me once, if it took long to +play a piece of music! Daisy, don't you know any more about lace than +to ask such a question?" + +"I don't know what it costs, Aunt Gary. I never bought any." + +"Bought! No; hardly. You are hardly at the age to _buy_ lace yet. But +you have worn a good deal of it." + +"I cannot tell what it cost by looking at it," I answered. + +"Well, _I_ can. And you will, one day, I hope; if you ever do anything +like other people." + +"Is it costly, ma'am?" + +"Your lace is rather costly," my aunt said, with a tone which I felt +implied satisfaction. + +"How much?" I asked. + +"How much does it cost? Why it is the countryman's question over +again, Daisy. Lace is all sorts of prices. But the lace you wear is, I +judge, somewhere about three and five, and one of your dresses ten, +dollars a yard. That is pretty rich lace for a young lady of your +years to wear." + +I never wore it, I must explain, unless in small quantity, except on +state occasions when my mother dressed me as part of herself. + +"No, I am wrong," my aunt added, presently; "that dress I am thinking +of is richer than that; the lace on that robe was never bought for ten +dollars, or fifteen either. What do you want to know about it for, +Daisy?" + +I mused a great deal. Three and five, and ten, and fifteen dollars a +yard, on lace trimmings for me--and no tea, no cups and saucers, no +soft bed, no gardens and flowers, for many who were near me. I began +to fill the meshes of my lace with responsibilities too heavy for the +delicate fabric to bear. Nobody liked the looks of it better than I +did. I always had a fancy for lace, though not for feathers; its rich, +delicate, soft falls, to my notion, suited my mother's form and style +better than anything else, and suited me. My taste found no fault. But +now that so much good was wrought into its slight web, and so much +silver lay hidden in every embroidered flower, the thing was changed. +Graceful, and becoming, and elegant, more than any other adornment; +what then? My mother and father had a great deal of money, too, to +spare; enough, I thought, for lace and for the above tea and sugar, +too; what then? And what if not enough? I pondered till my Aunt Gary +broke out upon me, that I would grow a wizened old woman if I sat +musing at that rate, and sent me to bed. It stopped my pondering for +that night; but not for all the years since that night. + +My preparations were quite made before my aunt got her feathers +adjusted to her satisfaction; and in the bright days of autumn we went +back again to Magnolia. This was a joyful journey and a glad arriving, +compared to last year; and the welcome I got was something which +puzzled my heart between joy and sorrow many times during the first +few days. + +And now Miss Pinshon's reign fairly began. I was stronger in health, +accustomed to my circumstances; there was no longer any reason that +the multiplication table and I should be parted. My governess was +determined to make up for lost time; and the days of that winter were +spent by me between the study table and fire. That is, when I think of +that winter my memory finds me there. Multiplication and its +correlatives were the staple of existence; and the old book room of my +grandfather was the place where my harvests of learning were sown and +reaped. + +Somehow, I do not think the crops were heavy. I tried my best, and +Miss Pinshon certainly tried her best. I went through and over immense +fields of figures; but I fancy the soil did not suit the growth. I +know the fruits were not satisfactory to myself, and, indeed, were not +fruits at all, to my sense of them; but rather dry husks and hard nut +shells, with the most tasteless of small kernels inside. Yet Miss +Pinshon did not seem unsatisfied; and, indeed, occasionally remarked +that she believed I meant to be a good child. Perhaps that was +something out of my governess's former experience; for it was the only +style of commendation I ever knew her indulge in, and I always took it +as a compliment. + +It would not do to tell all my childish life that winter. I should +never get through. For a child has as many experiences in her little +world as people of fifty years old have in theirs; and to her they are +not little experiences. It was not a small trial of mind and body to +spend the long mornings in the study over the curious matters Miss +Pinshon found for my attention; and after the long morning the shorter +afternoon session was un-mixed weariness. Yet I suffered most in the +morning; because then there was some life and energy within me which +rebelled against confinement, and panted to be free and in the open +air, looking after the very different work I could find or make for +myself. My feet longed for the turf; my fingers wanted to throw down +the slate pencil and gather up the reins. I had a good fire and a +pleasant room; but I wanted to be abroad in the open sunshine, to feel +the sweet breath of the air in my face, and see the grey moss wave in +the wind. That was what I had been used to all my life; a sweet wild +roaming about, to pick up whatever pleasure presented itself. I +suppose Miss Pinshon herself had never been used to it nor known it; +for she did not seem to guess at what was in my mind. But it made my +mornings hard to get through. By the afternoon the spirit was so +utterly gone out of me and everything, that I took it all in a +mechanical stupid way; and only my back's aching made me impatient for +the time to end. + +I think I was fond of knowledge and fond of learning. I am sure of it, +for I love it dearly still. But there was no joy about it at +Magnolia. History, as I found it with my governess, was not in the +least like the history I had planned on my tray of sand, and pointed +out with red and black headed pins. There was life and stir in that, +and progress. Now there was nothing but a string of names and dates to +say to Miss Pinshon. And dates were hard to remember, and did not seem +to mean anything. But Miss Pinshon's favourite idea was mathematics. +It was not my favourite idea; so every day I wandered through a +wilderness of figures and signs which were a weariness to my mind and +furnished no food for it. Nothing was pleasant to me in my schoolroom, +excepting my writing lessons. They were welcomed as a relief from +other things. + +When the studies for the day were done, the next thing was to prepare +for a walk. A walk with Miss Pinshon alone, for my aunt never joined +us. Indeed, this winter my aunt was not unfrequently away from +Magnolia altogether; finding Baytown more diverting. It made a little +difference to me; for when she was not at home, the whole day, +morning, afternoon and evening, meal times and all times, seemed under +a leaden grey sky. Miss Pinshon discussed natural history to me when +we were walking--not the thing, but the science; she asked me +questions in geography when we were eating breakfast, and talked over +some puzzle in arithmetic when we were at dinner. I think it was +refreshing to her; she liked it; but to me, the sky closed over me in +lead colour, one unbroken vault, as I said, when my aunt was away. +With her at home, all this could not be; and any changes of colour +were refreshing. + +All this was not very good for me. My rides with Darry would have been +a great help; but now I only got a chance at them now and then. I grew +spiritless and weary. Sundays I would have begged to be allowed to +stay at home all day and rest; but I knew if I pleaded fatigue my +evenings with the people in the kitchen would be immediately cut off; +not my drives to church. Miss Pinshon always drove the six miles to +Bolingbroke every Sunday morning, and took me with her. Oh how long +the miles were! how weary I was, with my back aching and trying to +find a comfortable corner in the carriage; how I wanted to lie down on +the soft cushions in the pew and go to sleep during the service. And +when the miles home were finished, it seemed to me that so was I. Then +I used to pray to have strength in the evening to read with the +people. And I always had it; or at least I always did it. I never +failed; though the rest of the Sunday hours were often spent on the +bed. But, indeed, that Sunday evening reading was the one thing that +saved my life from growing, or settling, into a petrifaction. Those +hours gave me cheer, and some spirit to begin again on Monday morning. + +However, I was not thriving. I know I was losing colour, and sinking +in strength, day by day; yet very gradually; so that my governess +never noticed it. My aunt sometimes, on her return from an absence +that had been longer than common, looked at me uneasily. + +"Miss Pinshon, what ails that child?" she would ask. + +My governess said, "Nothing." Miss Pinshon was the most immovable +person, I think, I have ever known. At least, so far as one could +judge from the outside. + +"She looks to me," my aunt went on, "exactly like a cabbage, or +something else, that has been blanched under a barrel. A kind of +unhealthy colour. She is not strong." + +"She has more strength than she shows," my governess answered. "Daisy +has a good deal of strength." + +"Do you think so?" said my aunt, looking doubtfully at me. But she was +comforted. And neither of them asked me about it. + +One thing in the early half of the winter was a great help; and for a +while stayed my flitting spirits and strength. My father wrote an +order, that Daisy should make arrangements for giving all the people +on the plantation a great entertainment at Christmas. I was to do what +I liked and have whatever I chose to desire; no one altering or +interfering with my word. I shall never forget the overflowing of +largest joy, with which my heart swelled as I ran in to tell this news +to Aunt Gary. But first I had to kneel down and give thanks for it. + +I never saw my aunt more displeased about anything. Miss Pinshon only +lifted up her black eyes and looked me over. They did not express +curiosity or anything else; only observation. My aunt spoke out. + +"I think there must be some mistake, Daisy." + +"No, Aunt Gary; papa says just that." + +"You mean the house servants, child." + +"No, ma'am; papa says every one; all the people on the place." + +"He means the white people, you foolish child; everybody's head is not +full of the servants, as yours is." + +"He says the coloured people, Aunt Gary; all of them. It is _only_ the +coloured people." + +"Hear her!" said my aunt. "Now she would rather entertain them, I +don't doubt, than the best company that could be gathered of her own +sort." + +I certainly would. Did I not think with joy at that very minute of the +words, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of _these_, ye +have done it unto me?" I knew what guest would be among my poor +despised company. But I said not a word. + +"Daisy," said my aunt, "you _must_ be under a mistake; you must let me +see what your father says. Why, to give all these hundreds an +entertainment, it would cost--have you any idea what it would cost?" + +I had not indeed. But my father's letter had mentioned a sum which was +to be the limit of my expenditure; within which I was to be unlimited. +It was a large sum, amounting to several hundreds, and amply +sufficient for all I could wish to do. I told my aunt. + +"Well!" she said, twisting herself round to the fire, "if your father +has money to fling about like that, I have of course no more to say." + +Miss Pinshon looked up again at me. Those black eyes were always the +same; the eyelids never drooped over them. "What are you going to do, +Daisy?" she asked. + +Truly I did not know, yet. I gave my aunt a note to the overseer from +my father, which I begged her to forward; and ran away to take sweet +counsel with myself. + +I had had some little experience of such an entertainment in the +strawberry festival at Melbourne. I remembered that good things to eat +and drink were sure to be enjoyed, and not these only, but also a +pretty and festive air thrown about these things. And much more would +this be true among the beauty-loving, and luxurious-natured children +of the tropics, than with the comparatively barbarous Celtic blood. +But between entertaining thirty and seven hundred there was a +difference. And between the season of roses and fruits, and the time +of mid-winter, even though in a southern clime, there was another +wide difference. I had need of a great deal of counsel-taking with +myself, and I took it; and it was very good for me. In every interval +between mathematical or arithmetical problems, my mind ran off to this +other one, with infinite refreshment. + +Then I consulted Maria; she was a great help to me. I thought at first I +should have to build a place to hold our gatherings in; the home kitchen +was not a quarter large enough. But Darry told me of an empty barn not +far off, that was roomy and clean. By virtue of my full powers I seized +upon this barn. I had it well warmed with stoves; Darry saw to that for +me, and that they were well and safely put up; I had it adorned and +clothed and made gay with evergreens and flowers, till it was beautiful. +The carpenters on the place put up long tables, and fitted plenty of +seats. Then I had some rough kitchens extemporised outside of it; and +sent for loads of turkeys from Baytown; and for days before and after +Christmas my band of cooks were busy, roasting and baking and +cake-making. Coffee was brewed without measure, as if we had been a +nation of Arabs. And then tickets were furnished to all the people on the +place, tickets of admission; and for all the holidays, or for Christmas +and three days after, I kept open house at the barn. Night and day I kept +open house. I went and came myself, knowing that the sight of me hindered +nobody's pleasure; but I let in no other white person, and I believe I +gained the lasting ill-will of the overseer by refusing him. I stood +responsible for everybody's good behaviour, and had no forfeits to pay. +And enjoyment reigned, during those days, in the barn; a gay enjoyment, +full of talk and of singing as well as of feasting; full of laughter and +jokes, and full of utmost good-humour and kindness from one to another. +Again, most unlike a party of Celtic origin. It was enjoyment to me too; +very great; though dashed continually by the thought how rare and strange +it was to those around me. Only for my sake and dependent on my little +hand of power; having no guarantee or security else for its ever coming +again. As the holiday drew near its end, my heart grew sore often at the +thought of all my poor friends going back into their toil, hopeless and +spiritless as it was, without one ray to brighten the whole year before +them till Christmas should come round again. Ay, and this feeling was +quickened every now and then by a word, or a look, or a tone, which told +me that I was not the only one who remembered it. "Christmas is almos' +gone, Tony," I heard one fine fellow say to another at the end of the +third day; and under the words there was a thread of meaning which gave a +twitch to my heartstrings. There were bursts of song mingled with all +this, which I could not bear to hear. In the prayer-meetings I did not +mind them; here, in the midst of festivities, they almost choked me. "I'm +going home" sounded now so much as if it were in a strange land; and once +when a chorus of them were singing, deep and slow, the refrain, + + "In the morning-- + Chil'len, in the morning--" + +I had a great heartbreak, and sat down and cried behind my sugarplums. + +I can bear to think of it all now. There were years when I could not. + +After this entertainment was over, and much more stupid ones had been +given among polished people at the house, and the New Year had swept +in upon us with its fresh breeze of life and congratulations, the +winter and Miss Pinshon settled down for unbroken sway. + +I had little to help me during those months from abroad. That is, I +had nothing. My father wrote seldom. My mother's letters had small +comfort for me. They said that papa's health mended slowly--was very +delicate--he could not bear much exertion--his head would not endure +any excitement. They were trying constant changes of scene and air. +They were at Spa, at Paris, at Florence, at Vevay, in the Pyrenees; +not staying long anywhere. The physicians talked of a long sea voyage. +From all which I gradually brought down my hopes into smaller and +smaller compass; till finally I packed them up and stowed them away in +the hidden furthermost corner of my heart, only to be brought out and +looked at when there should be occasion. Spring came without the least +prospect that such occasion would be given me soon. My father and +mother were making preparation to journey in Norway; and already there +was talk of a third winter in Egypt! It was hoped that all these +changes were not without some slow and certain effect in the way of +improvement. I think on me they had another sort of effect. + +Spring as usual drove us away from Magnolia. This summer was spent +with my Aunt Gary at various pleasant and cool up-country places, +where hills were, and brooks, and sweet air, and flowers, and where I +might have found much to enjoy. But always Miss Pinshon was with me, +and the quiet and freedom of these places, with the comparative cool +climate, made it possible for her to carry on all her schemes for my +improvement just as steadily as though we had been at Magnolia. And I +had not Darry and my pony, which indeed, the latter had been of small +use to me this year; and I had not my band of friends on the Sunday +evening; and even my own maid Margaret Aunt Gary had chosen to leave +behind. Miss Pinshon's reign was absolute. I think some of the Medusa +properties Preston used to talk about must have had their effect upon +me at this time. I remember little of all that summer, save the work +for Miss Pinshon, and the walks with Miss Pinshon, and a general +impression of those black eyes and inflexible voice, and mathematics +and dates, and a dull round of lesson getting. Not knowledge +getting--that would have been quite another affair. I seemed to be all +the while putting up a scaffolding, and never coming to work on the +actual Temple of Learning itself. I know we were in beautiful regions +that summer, but my recollection is not of them but of rows of +figures; and of a very grave, I think dull, and very quiet little +personage, who went about like a mouse for silentness, and gave no +trouble to anybody excepting only to herself. + +The next winter passed as the winter before had done, only I had no +Christmas entertainment. My father and mother were in Egypt--perhaps he +did not think of it. Perhaps he did not feel that he could afford it. +Perhaps my aunt and the overseer had severally made representations to +which my father thought it best to listen. I had no festivities at any +rate for my poor coloured people; and it made my own holidays a very +shaded thing. + +I found, however, this winter one source of amusement, and in a measure, +of comfort. In the bookcases which held my grandfather's library, there +was a pretty large collection of books of travel. I wanted to know just +then about Egypt, that I might the better in imagination follow my father +and mother. I searched the shelves for Egypt, and was lucky enough to light +upon several works of authority and then recent observation. I feasted on +these. I began in the middle, then very soon went back to the beginning, +and read delightedly, carefully, patiently, through every detail and +discussion in which the various authors indulged. Then I turned all their +pictures into living panorama; for I fancied my father and mother in every +place, looking at every wonder they described; and I enjoyed not merely +what they described, but my father's and mother's enjoyment of it. This +was a rare delight to me. My favourite place was the corner of the study +fire, at dusk, when lessons and tiresome walks for the day were done, and +Miss Pinshon was taking her ease elsewhere in some other way. I had the +fire made up to burn brightly, and pine knots at hand to throw on if +wanted; and with the illumination dancing all over my page, I went off to +regions of enchantment, pleasant to me beyond any fairy tale. I never cared +much for things that were not true. No chambers of Arabian fancy could have +had the fascination for me of those old Egyptian halls, nor all the marvels +of magic entranced me like the wonder-working hand of time. Those books +made my comfort and my diversion all the winter. For I was not a galloping +reader; I went patiently through every page; and the volumes were many +enough and interesting enough to last me long. I dreamed under the Sphynx; +I wandered over the pyramids; no chamber nor nook escaped me; I could have +guided a traveller--in imagination. I knew the prospect from the top, +though I never wrote my name there. It seemed to me that _that_ was +barbarism. I sailed up the Nile--delightful journeys on board the Nile +boats--forgetting Miss Pinshon and mathematics, except when I rather +pitied the ancient Egyptians for being so devoted to the latter; forgetting +Magnolia, and all the home things I could not do and would have liked to +do; forgetting everything, and rapt in the enjoyment of tropical airs, and +Eastern skies; hearing the plash of water from the everlasting _shadoof_, +and watching the tints and colours on the ranges of hills bordering the +Nile valley. All _my_ hills were green; the hues of those others were +enough of themselves to make an enchanted land. Still more, as I stopped +at the various old temples along the way, my feeling of enchantment +increased. I threaded the mazes of rubbish, and traced the plans of the +ruins of Thebes, till I was at home in every part of them. I studied the +hieroglyphics and the descriptions of the sculptures, till the names of +Thothmes III., and Amunoph III., and Sethos and Rameses, Miamun and +Rameses III., were as well known to me as the names of the friends whom +I met every Sunday evening. I even studied out the old Egyptian mythology, +the better to be able to understand the sculptures, as well as the +character of those ancient people who wrought them, and to be able to +fancy the sort of services that were celebrated by the priests in the +splendid enclosures of the temples. + +And then I went higher up the Nile, and watched at the uncovering of +those wonderful colossal figures which stand, or sit, before the +temple of Abou-Simbel. I tried to imagine what manner of things such +large statues could be; I longed for one sight of the faces, said to +be so superb, which showed what the great Rameses looked like. Mamma +and papa could see them, that was a great joy. Belzoni was one of my +prime favourites; and I liked particularly to travel with him, both +there and at the Tombs of the Kings. There were some engravings +scattered through the various volumes, and a good many plans, which +helped me. I studied them faithfully, and got from them all they could +give me. + +In the Tombs of the Kings, my childish imagination found, I think, its +highest point of revelling and delight. Those were something stranger, +more wonderful, and more splendid, even than Abou-Simbel and Karnak. +Many an evening, while the firelight from a Southern pine knot danced +on my page, I was gone on the wings of fancy thousands of miles away; +and went with discoverers or explorers up and down the passages and +halls and staircases and chambers, to which the entrance is from +_Biban el Malook_. I wandered over the empty sarcophagi; held my +breath at the pit's sides; and was never tired of going over the +scenes and sculptures done in such brilliant colours upon those white +walls. Once in there, I quite forgot that mamma and papa could see +them; I was so busy seeing them myself. + +This amusement of mine was one which nobody interfered with, and it +lasted, as I said, all winter. All the winter my father and mother +were in Egypt. When spring came, I began to look with trembling +eagerness for a letter that should say they would turn now homewards. +I was disappointed. My father was so much better that his physicians +were encouraged to continuing their travelling regimen; and the word +came that it was thought best he should try a long sea voyage--he was +going to China, my mother would go with him. + +I think never in my life my spirits sank lower than they did when I +heard this news. I was not strong nor very well, which might have been +in part the reason. And I was dull-hearted to the last degree under +the influence of Miss Pinshon's system of management. There was no +power of reaction in me. It was plain that I was failing; and my aunt +interrupted the lessons, and took me again to watering-places at the +North, from one to another, giving me as much change as possible. It +was good for me to be taken off study, which Miss Pinshon had pressed +and crowded during the winter. Sea bathing did me good, too; and the +change of scene and habits was useful. I did not rise to the level of +enjoying anything much; only the sea waves when I was in them; at +other times I sat on the bank and watched the distant smokestack of a +steamer going out, with an inexpressible longing and soreness of +heart. Going where I would so like to go! But there was no word of +that. And indeed it would not have been advisable to take me to China. +I did think Egypt would not have been bad for me; but it was a thought +which I kept shut up in the farthest stores of my heart. + +The sea voyage however was delayed. My mother took sick, was very ill, +and then unable to undertake the going to China. My father chose to +wait for her; so the summer was spent by them in Switzerland and the +autumn in Paris. With the first of the New Year they expected now to +sail. It suddenly entered my Aunt Gary's head that it was a good time +for _her_ to see Paris; and she departed, taking Ransom with her, whom +my father wished to place in a German university, and meantime in a +French school. Preston had been placed at the Military Academy at West +Point, my aunt thinking that it made a nice finishing of a gentleman's +education, and would keep him out of mischief till he was grown to +man's estate. I was left alone with Miss Pinshon to go back to +Magnolia and take up my old life there. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +SINGLEHANDED. + + +As my aunt set sail for the shores of Europe, and Miss Pinshon and I +turned our faces towards Magnolia, I seemed to see before me a weary +winter. I was alone now; there was nobody to take my part in small or +great things; my governess would have her way. I was so much stronger +now that no doubt she thought I could bear it. So it was. The full +tale of studies and tasks was laid on me; and it lay on me from +morning till night. + +I had expected that. I had looked also for the comfort and refreshment +of ministering to my poor friends in the kitchen on the Sunday +evenings. I began as usual with them. But as the Sundays came round, I +found now and then a gap or two in the circle; and the gaps as time +went on did not fill up; or if they did they were succeeded by other +gaps. My hearers grew fewer, instead of more; the fact was undoubted. +Darry was always on the spot; but the two Jems not always, and Pete +was not sure, and Eliza failed sometimes, and others; and this grew +worse. Moreover, a certain grave and sad air replaced the enjoying, +almost jocund, spirit of gladness which used to welcome me and listen +to the reading and join in the prayers and raise the song. The singing +was not less good than it used to be; but it fell oftener into the +minor key, and then poured along with a steady, powerful volume, +deepening and steadying as it went, which somehow swept over my heart +like a wind from the desert. I could not well tell why, yet I felt it +trouble me; sometimes my heart trembled with the thrill of those sweet +and solemn vibrations. I fancied that Darry's prayer had a somewhat +different atmosphere from the old. Yet when I once or twice asked +Margaret the next morning why such and such a one had not been at the +reading, she gave me a careless answer, that she supposed Mr. Edwards +had found something for them to do. + +"But at night, Margaret?" I said. "Mr. Edwards cannot keep them at +work at night." + +To which she made no answer; and I was for some reason unwilling to +press the matter. But things went on, not getting better but worse +until I could not bear it. I watched my opportunity and got Maria +alone. + +"What is the matter," I asked, "that the people do not come on Sunday +evening as they used? Are they tired of the reading, Maria?" + +"I 'spect dey's as tired as a fish mus' be of de water," said Maria. +She had a fine specimen under her hand at the moment, which I suppose +suggested the figure. + +"Then why do they not come as usual, Maria? there were only a few last +night." + +"Dere was so few, it was lonesome," said Maria. + +"Then what is the reason?" + +"Dere is more reasons for t'ings, den Maria can make out," she said +thoughtfully. "Mebbe it's to make 'em love de priv'lege mo'." + +"But what keeps them away, Maria? what hinders?" + +"Chile, de Lord hab His angels, and de debil he hab his ministers; and +dey takes all sorts o' shapes, de angels and de ministers too. I +reckon dere's some work o' dat sort goin' on." + +Maria spoke in a sort of sententious wisdom which did not satisfy me +at all. I thought there was something behind. + +"Who is doing the work, Maria?" I asked, after a minute. + +"Miss Daisy," she said, "dere ain't no happenin' at all widout de Lord +lets it happen. Dere is much contrairy in dis world--fact, dere is; +but I 'spect de Lord make it up to us by'm by." + +And she turned her face full upon me with a smile of so much quiet +resting in that truth, that for just a moment it silenced me. + +"Miss Daisy ain't looking quite so peart as she use to look," Maria +went on. But I slipped away from that diversion. + +"Maria," I said, "you don't tell me what is the matter; and I wish to +know. What keeps the people, Pete, and Eliza, and all, from coming? +What hinders them, Maria? I wish to know." + +Maria busied herself with her fish for a minute, turning and washing +it; then, without looking up from her work, she said, in a lowered +tone,-- + +"'Spect de overseer, he don't hab no favour to such ways and +meetin's." + +"But with _me_?" I said; "and with Aunt Gary's leave?" + +"'Spose he like to fix t'ings his own way," said Maria. + +"Does he forbid them to come?" I asked. + +"I reckon he do," she said, with a sigh. + +Maria was very even-tempered, quiet, and wise, in her own way. Her +sigh went through my heart. I stood thinking what plan I could take. + +"De Lord is berry good, Miss Daisy," she said, cheerily, a moment +after; "and dem dat love Him, dere can be no sort o' separation, no +ways." + +"Does Mr. Edwards forbid them _all_ to come?" I asked. "For a good +many do come." + +"'Spect he don't like de meetin's, nohow," said Maria. + +"But does he tell all the people they must not come?" + +"I reckon he make it oncomfor'ble for 'em," Maria answered gravely. +"Dere is no end o' de mean ways o' sich folks. Know he ain't no +gentleman, nohow!" + +"What does he do, Maria?" I said, trembling, yet unable to keep back +the question. + +"He can do what he please, Miss Daisy," Maria said, in the same grave +way. "'Cept de Lord above, dere no one can hinder--now massa so fur. +Bes' pray de Lord, and mebbe He sen' His angel, some time." + +Maria's fish was ready for the kettle; some of the other servants came +in, and I went with a heavy heart up the stairs. "Massa so fur"--yes! +I knew that; and Mr. Edwards knew it too. Once sailed for China, and +it would be long, long, before my cry for help, in the shape of one of +my little letters, could reach him and get back the answer. My heart +felt heavy as if I could die, while I slowly mounted the stairs to my +room. It was not only that trouble was brought upon my poor friends, +nor even that their short enjoyment of the word of life was hindered +and interrupted; above this and worse than this was the sense of +_wrong_ done to these helpless people, and done by my own father and +mother. This sense was something too bitter for a child of my years to +bear; it crushed me for a time. Our people had a right to the Bible as +great as mine; a right to dispose of themselves as true as my father's +right to dispose of himself. Christ, my Lord, had died for them as +well as for me; and here was my father--_my father_--practically +saying that they should not hear of it, nor know the message He had +sent to them. And if anything could have made this more bitter to me, +it was the consciousness that the _reason_ of it all was that we might +profit by it. Those unpaid hands wrought that our hands might be free +to do nothing; those empty cabins were bare, in order that our houses +might be full of every soft luxury; those unlettered minds were kept +unlettered that the rarest of intellectual wealth might be poured into +our treasury. I knew it. For I had written to my father once to beg +his leave to establish schools, where the people on the plantation +might be taught to read and write. He had sent a very kind answer, +saying it was just like his little Daisy to wish such a thing, and +that his wish was not against it, if it could be done; but that the +laws of the State, and for wise reasons, forbade it. Greatly puzzled +by this, I one day carried my puzzle to Preston. He laughed at me as +usual, but at the same time explained that it would not be safe; for +that if the slaves were allowed books and knowledge, they would soon +not be content with their condition, and would be banding together to +make themselves free. I knew all this, and I had been brooding over +it; and now when the powerful hand of the overseer came in to hinder +the little bit of good and comfort I was trying to give the people, my +heart was set on fire with a sense of sorrow and wrong that, as I +said, no child ought ever to know. + +I think it made me ill. I could not eat. I studied like a machine, and +went and came as Miss Pinshon bade me; all the while brooding by +myself and turning over and over in my heart the furrows of thought +which seemed at first to promise no harvest. Yet those furrows never +break the soil for nothing. In due time the seed fell; and the fruit +of a ripened purpose came to maturity. + +I did not give up my Sunday readings, even although the number of my +hearers grew scantier. As many as could, we met together to read and +to pray, yes, and to sing. And I shall never in this world hear such +singing again. One refrain comes back to me now-- + + "Oh, had I the wings of the morning-- + Oh, had I the wings of the morning-- + Oh, had I the wings of the morning-- + I'd fly to my Jesus away!" + +I used to feel so too, as I listened and sometimes sung with them. + +Meantime, all that I could do with my quarterly ten dollars, I did. +And there was many a little bit of pleasure I could give; what with a +tulip here and a cup of tea there, and a bright handkerchief, or a +pair of shoes. Few of the people had spirit and cultivation enough to +care for the flowers. But Maria cherished some red and white tulips +and a hyacinth in her kitchen window, as if they had been her +children; and to Darry a white rose-tree I had given him seemed almost +to take the place of a familiar spirit. Even grave Pete, whom I only +saw now and then this winter at my readings, nursed and tended and +watched a bed of crocuses with endless delight and care. All the +while, my Sunday circle of friends grew constantly fewer; and the +songs that were sung at our hindered meetings had a spirit in them, +which seemed to me to speak of a deep-lying fire somewhere in the +hearts of the singers, hidden, but always ready to burst into a blaze. +Was it because the fire was burning in my own heart? + +I met one of the two Jems in the pine-avenue one day. He greeted me +with the pleasantest of broad smiles. + +"Jem," said I, "why don't you come to the house Sunday evenings any +more?" + +"It don't 'pear practical, missie." Jem was given to large-sized +words, when he could get hold of them. + +"Mr. Edwards hinders you?" + +"Mass' Ed'ards berry smart man, Miss Daisy. He want massa's work done +up all jus' so." + +"And he says that the prayer-meeting hinders the work, Jem?" + +"Clar, missis, Mass' Ed'ards got long head; he see furder den me," Jem +said, shaking his own head as if the whole thing were beyond him. I +let him go. But a day or two after I attacked Margaret on the subject. +She and Jem, I knew, were particular friends. Margaret was oracular +and mysterious, and looked like a thundercloud. I got nothing from +her, except an increase of uneasiness. I was afraid to go further in +my inquiries; yet could not rest without. The house servants, I knew, +would not be likely to tell me anything that would trouble me if they +could help it. The only exception was mammy Theresa; who with all her +love for me had either less tact, or had grown from long habit +hardened to the state of things in which she had been brought up. From +her, by a little cross questioning, I learned that Jem and others had +been forbidden to come to the Sunday readings; and their disobeying +had been visited with the lash, not once nor twice; till, as mammy +Theresa said, "'peared like it warn't no use to try to be good agin de +devil." + +And papa was away on his voyage to China--away on the high seas, where +no letter could reach him; and Mr. Edwards knew that. There was a fire +in my heart now that burned with sharp pain. I felt as if it would +burn my heart out. And now took shape and form one single aim and +purpose, which became for years the foremost one of my life. It had +been growing and gathering. I set it clear before me from this time. + +Meanwhile, my mother's daughter was not willing to be entirely baffled +by the overseer. I arranged with Darry that I would be at the +cemetery-hill on all pleasant Sunday afternoons, and that all who +wished to hear me read, or who wished to learn themselves, might meet +me there. The Sunday afternoons were often pleasant that winter. I was +constantly at my post; and many a one crept round to me from the +quarters and made his way through the graves and the trees to where I +sat by the iron railing. We were safe there. Nobody but me liked the +place. Miss Pinshon and the overseer agreed in shunning it. And there +was promise in the blue sky, and hope in the soft sunshine, and +sympathy in the sweet rustle of the pine-leaves. Why not? Are they not +all God's voices? And the words of the Book were very precious there, +to me and many another. I was rather more left to myself of late. My +governess gave me my lessons quite as assiduously as ever; but after +lesson-time she seemed to have something else to take her attention. +She did not walk often with me as the spring drew near; and my Sunday +afternoons were absolutely unquestioned. + +One day in March I had gone to my favourite place to get out a +lesson. It was not Sunday afternoon, of course. I was tired with my +day's work, or I was not very strong; for though I had work to do, the +witcheries of nature prevailed with me to put down my book. The scent +of pine-buds and flowers made the air sweet to smell, and the spring +sun made it delicious to feel. The light won its way tenderly among +the trees, touching the white marble tombstones behind me, but resting +with a more gentle ray upon the moss and turf where only little bits +of rough board marked the sleeping-places of our dependants. Just out +of sight, through the still air I could hear the river, in its +rippling, flow past the bank at the top of which I sat. My book hung +in my hand, and the course of Universal History was forgotten, while I +mused and mused over the two sorts of graves that lay around me, the +two races, the diverse fate that attended them, while one blue sky was +over, and one sunlight fell down. And "while I was musing the fire +burned" more fiercely than ever David's had occasion when he wrote +those words, "Then spake I with my tongue." I would have liked to do +that. But I could do nothing; only pray. + +I was very much startled while I sat in my muse to hear a footstep +coming. A steady, regular footstep; no light trip of children; and the +hands were in the field, and this was not a step like any of them. My +first thought was, the overseer's come to spy me out. The next minute +I saw through the trees and the iron railings behind me that it was +not the overseer. I knew _his_ wideawake; and this head was crowned +with some sort of a cap. I turned my head again and sat quiet; willing +to be overlooked, if that might be. The steps never slackened. I heard +them coming round the railing--then just at the corner--I looked up to +see the cap lifted, and a smile coming upon features that I knew; but +my own thoughts were so very far away that my visitor had almost +reached my side before I could recollect who it was. I remember I got +up then in a little hurry. + +"It is Doctor Sandford!" I exclaimed, as his hand took mine. + +"Is it, Daisy?" answered the doctor. + +"I think so," I said. + +"And I _think_ so," he said, looking at me after the old fashion. "Sit +down, and let me make sure." + +"You must sit on the grass, then," I said. + +"Not a bad thing, in such a pleasant place," he rejoined, sending his +blue eye all round my prospect. "But it is not so pleasant a place as +White Lake, Daisy." + +Such a flood of memories and happy associations came rushing into my +mind at these words--he had not given them time to come in slowly. I +suppose my face showed it, for the doctor looked at me and smiled as +he said, "I see it _is_ Daisy; I think it is certainly Daisy. So you +do not like Magnolia?" + +"Yes, I do," I said, wondering where he got that conclusion. "I like +the _place_ very much, if----" + +"I should like to have the finishing of that 'if'--if you have no +objection." + +"I like the _place_," I repeated. "There are some things about it I do +not like." + +"Climate, perhaps?" + +"I did not mean the climate. I do not think I meant anything that +belonged to the place itself." + +"How do you do?" was the doctor's next question. + +"I am very well, sir." + +"How do you know it?" + +"I suppose I am," I said. "I am not sick. I always say I am well." + +"For instance, you are so well that you never get tired?" + +"Oh I get tired very often. I always did." + +"What sort of things make you tired? Do you take too long drives in +your pony-chaise?" + +"I have no pony-chaise now, Dr. Sandford. Loupe was left at Melbourne. +I don't know what became of him." + +"Why didn't you bring him along? But any other pony would do, Daisy." + +"I don't drive at all, Dr. Sandford. My aunt and governess do not like +to have me drive as I used to do. I wish I could!" + +"You would like to use your pony and chaise again?" + +"Very much. I know it would rest me." + +"And you have a governess, Daisy? That is something you had not at +Melbourne." + +"No," I said. + +"A governess is a very nice thing," said the doctor, taking off his +hat and leaning back against the iron railing, "if she knows properly +how to set people to play." + +"To play!" I echoed. "I don't know whether Miss Pinshon approves of +play." + +"Oh! She approves of work then, does she?" + +"She likes work," I answered. + +"Keeps you busy?" + +"Most of the day, sir." + +"The evenings you have to yourself?" + +"Sometimes. Not always. Sometimes I cannot get through with my +lessons, and they stretch on into the evening." + +"How many lessons does this lady think a person of your age and +capacity can manage in the twenty-four hours?" said the doctor, taking +out his knife as he spoke and beginning to trim the thorns off a bit +of sweetbriar he had cut. I stopped to make the reckoning. + +"Give me the course of your day, Daisy. And by-the-by when does your +day begin?" + +"It begins at half past seven, Dr. Sandford." + +"With breakfast?" + +"No, sir. I have a recitation before breakfast." + +"Please of what?" + +"Miss Pinshon always begins with mathematics." + +"As a bitters. Do you find that it gives you an appetite?" + +By this time I was very near bursting into tears. The familiar voice +and way, the old time they brought back, the contrasts they forced +together, the different days of Melbourne and of my Southern home, the +forms and voices of mamma and papa, they all came crowding and +flitting before me. I was obliged to delay my answer. I knew that Dr. +Sandford looked at me; then he went on in a very gentle way-- + +"Sweetbriar is sweet, Daisy,"--putting it to my nose. "I should like +to know how long does mathematics last, before you are allowed to have +coffee?" + +"Mathematics only lasts half an hour. But then I have an hour of study +in mental philosophy before breakfast. We breakfast at nine." + +"It must take a great deal of coffee to wash down all that," said the +doctor, lazily trimming his sweetbriar. "Don't you find that you are +very hungry when you come to breakfast?" + +"No, not generally," I said. + +"How is that? where there is so much sharpening of the wits, people +ought to be sharp otherwise." + +"My wits do not get sharpened," I said, half laughing. "I think they +get dull; and I am often dull altogether by breakfast time." + +"What time in the day do you walk?" + +"In the afternoon, when we have done with the schoolroom. But lately +Miss Pinshon does not walk much." + +"So you take the best of the day for philosophy?" + +"No, sir, for mathematics." + +"Oh! Well, Daisy, _after_ philosophy and mathematics have both had +their turn, what then?--when breakfast is over." + +"Oh, they have two or three more turns in the course of the day," I +said. "Astronomy comes after breakfast; then Smith's 'Wealth of +Nations;' then chemistry. Then I have a long history lesson to recite; +then French. After dinner we have natural philosophy, and physical +geography and mathematics; and then we have generally done." + +"And then what is left of you goes to walk," said the doctor. + +"No, not very often now," I said. "I don't know why--Miss Pinshon has +very much given up walking of late." + +"Then what becomes of you?" + +"I do not often want to do much of anything," I said. "To-day I came +here." + +"With a book," said the doctor. "Is it work or play?" + +"My history lesson," I said, showing the book. "I had not quite time +enough at home." + +"How much of a lesson, for instance?" said the doctor, taking the book +and turning over the leaves. + +"I had to make a synopsis of the state of Europe from the third +century to the tenth--synchronising the events and the names." + +"In writing?" + +"I might write it if I chose, I often do, but I had to give the +synopsis from memory." + +"Does it take long to prepare, Daisy?" said the doctor, still turning +over the leaves. + +"Pretty long," I said, "when I am stupid. Sometimes I _cannot_ do the +synchronising, my head gets so thick; and I have to take two or three +days for it." + +"Don't you get punished for letting your head get thick?" + +"Sometimes I do." + +"And what is the system of punishment at Magnolia for such deeds?" + +"I am kept in the house for the rest of the afternoon sometimes," I +said; "or I have an extra problem in mathematics to get out for the +next morning." + +"And _that_ keeps you in, if the governess don't." + +"Oh no," I said; "I never can work at it then. I get up earlier the +next morning." + +"Do you do nothing for exercise but those walks, which you do not +take?" + +"I used to ride last year," I said; "and this year I was stronger, and +Miss Pinshon gave me more studies; and somehow I have not cared to +ride so much. I have felt more like being still." + +"You must have grown tremendously wise, Daisy," said the doctor, +looking round at me now with his old pleasant smile. I cannot tell the +pleasure and comfort it was to me to see him; but I think I said +nothing. + +"It is near the time now when you always leave Magnolia, is it not?" + +"Very near now." + +"Would it trouble you to have the time a little anticipated?" + +I looked at him, in much doubt what this might mean. The doctor +fumbled in his breast pocket and fetched out a letter. + +"Just before your father sailed for China, he sent me this. It was +some time before it reached me; and it was some time longer before I +could act upon it." + +He put a letter in my hand, which I, wondering, read. It said, the +letter did, that papa was not at ease about me; that he was not +satisfied with my aunt's report of me, nor with the style of my late +letters; and begged Dr. Sandford would run down to Magnolia at his +earliest convenience and see me, and make inquiry as to my well-being; +and if he found things not satisfactory, as my father feared he might, +and judge that the rule of Miss Pinshon had not been good for me on +the whole, my father desired that Dr. Sandford would take measures to +have me removed to the North and placed in one of the best schools +there to be found; such a one as Mrs. Sandford might recommend. The +letter further desired that Dr. Sandford would keep a regular watch +over my health, and suffer no school training nor anything else to +interfere with it; expressing the writer's confidence that Dr. +Sandford knew better than any one what was good for me. + +"So you see, Daisy," the doctor said, when I handed him back the +letter, "your father has constituted me in some sort your guardian +until such time as he comes back." + +"I am very glad," I said, smiling. + +"Are you? That is kind. I am going to act upon my authority +immediately, and take you away." + +"From Magnolia?" I said breathlessly. + +"Yes. Wouldn't you like to go and see Melbourne again for a little +while?" + +"Melbourne!" said I; and I remember how my cheeks grew warm. +"But--will Miss Pinshon go to Melbourne?" + +"No; she will not. Nor anywhere else, Daisy, with my will and +permission, where you go. Will that distress you very much?" + +I could not say yes, and I believe I made no answer, my thoughts were +in such a whirl. + +"Is Mrs. Sandford in Melbourne--I mean, near Melbourne--now?" I asked +at length. + +"No, she is in Washington. But she will be going to the old place +before long. Would you like to go, Daisy?" + +I could hardly tell him. I could hardly think. It began to rush over +me, that this parting from Magnolia was likely to be for a longer time +than usual. The river murmured by--the sunlight shone on the groves on +the hillside. Who would look after my poor people? + +"You like Magnolia after all?" said the doctor. "I do not wonder, so +far as Magnolia goes, you are sorry to leave it." + +"No," I said, "I am not sorry at all to leave Magnolia; I am very +glad. I am only sorry to leave--some friends." + +"Friends?" said the doctor. + +"Yes." + +"How many friends?" + +"I don't know," said I. "I think there are a hundred or more." + +"Seriously?" + +"Oh yes," I said. "They are all on the place here." + +"How long will you want, Daisy, to take proper leave of these +friends?" + +I had no idea he was in such practical haste; but I found it was so. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +EGYPTIAN GLASS. + + +It became necessary for me to think how soon I could be ready, and +arrange to get my leave-takings over by a certain time. Dr. Sandford +could not wait for me. He was an army surgeon now, I found, and +stationed at Washington. He had to return to his post and leave Miss +Pinshon to bring me up to Washington. I fancy matters were easily +arranged with Miss Pinshon. She was as meek as a lamb. But it never +was her way to fight against circumstances. The doctor ordered that I +should come up to Washington in a week or two. + +I did not know till he was gone what a hard week it was going to be. + +As soon as he had turned his back upon Magnolia, my leave-takings +began. I may say they began sooner; for in the morning after his +arrival, when Margaret was in my room, she fell to questioning me +about the truth of the rumour that had reached the kitchen. Jem said I +was going away, not to come back. I do not know how he had got hold of +the notion. And when I told her it was true, she dropped the pine +splinters out of her hands, and rising to her feet, besought me that I +would take her with me. So eagerly she besought me, that I had much +difficulty to answer. + +"I shall be in a school, Margaret," I said. "I could not have anybody +there to wait on me." + +"Miss Daisy won't never do everything for herself?" + +"Yes, I must," I said. "All the girls do." + +"I'd hire out then, Miss Daisy, while you don't want me--I'd be right +smart--and I'd bring all my earnin's to you regular. 'Deed I will! +Till Miss Daisy want me herself." + +I felt my cheeks flush. She would bring _her_ earnings to _me_. Yes, +that was what we were doing. + +"'Clar, Miss Daisy, do don't leave me behind! I could take washin' and +do all Miss Daisy's things up right smart--don't believe they knows +how to do things up there!--I'll come to no good if I don't go with +Miss Daisy, sure." + +"You can be good here as well as anywhere, Margaret," I said. + +"Miss Daisy don' know. Miss Daisy, s'pose the devil walkin' round +about a place; think it a nice place fur to be good in?" + +"The devil is not in Magnolia more than anywhere else," I said. + +"Dere Mass' Edwards--" Margaret said half under her breath. Even in my +room she would not speak the name out loud. + +The end of it was, that I wrote up to Washington to Dr. Sandford to +ask if I might take the girl with me; and his answer came back, that +if it were any pleasure to me I certainly might. So that matter was +settled. But the parting with the rest was hard. I do not know +whether it was hardest for them or for me. Darry blessed me and prayed +for me. Maria wept over me. Theresa mourned and lamented. Tears and +wailings came from all the poor women who knew me best and used to +come to the Sunday readings: and Pete took occasion to make private +request, that when I was grown, or when at any time I should want a +manservant, I would remember and send for him. He could do anything, +he said; he could drive horses or milk cows or take care of a garden, +or _cook_. It was said in a subdued voice, and though with a gleam of +his white circle of teeth at the last-mentioned accomplishment, it was +said with a depth of grave earnestness which troubled me. I promised +as well as I could; but my heart was very sore for my poor people, +left now without anybody, even so much as a child, to look after their +comfort and give them any hopes for one world or the other. + +Those heavy days were done at last. Margaret was speedy with my +packing; a week from the time of Dr. Sandford's coming, I had said my +last lesson to Miss Pinshon, read my last reading to my poor people, +shaken the last hand-shakings; and we were on the little steamer +plying down the Sands river. + +I think I was wearied out, for I remember no excitement or interest +about the journey, which ought to have had so much for me. In a +passive state of mind I followed Miss Pinshon from steamer to station; +from one train of cars to another; and saw the familiar landscape flit +before me as the cars whirled us on. At Baytown we had been joined by +a gentleman who went with us all the rest of the way; and I began by +degrees to comprehend that my governess had changed her vocation, and +instead of taking care, as heretofore, was going to be taken care of. +It did not interest me. I saw it, that was all. I saw Margaret's +delight, too, shown by every quick and thoughtful movement that could +be of any service to me, and by a certain inexpressible air of +deliverance which sat on her, I cannot tell how, from her bonnet down +to her shoes. But her delight reminded me of those that were not +delivered. + +I think of all the crushing griefs that a young person can be called +to bear, one of the sorest is the feeling of wrongdoing on the part of +a beloved father or mother. I was sure that my father, blinded by old +habit and bound by the laws of the country, did not in the least +degree realise the true state of the matter. I knew that the real +colour of his gold had never been seen by him. Not the less, _I_ knew +now that it was bloody; and what was worse, though I do not know _why_ +it should be worse, I knew that it was soiled. I knew that greed and +dishonour were the two collectors of our revenue, and _wrong_ our +agent. Do I use strong words? They are not too strong for the feelings +which constantly bore upon my heart, nor too bitter; though my +childish heart never put them into such words at the time. That my +father did not know, saved my love and reverence for him; but it did +not change anything else. + +In the last stage of our journey, as we left a station where the train +had stopped, I noticed a little book left on one of the empty seats of +the car. It lay there and nobody touched it: till we were leaving the +car at Alexandria and almost everybody had gone out, and I saw that it +lay there still and nobody would claim it. In passing I took it up. It +was a neat little book, with gilt edges, no name in it, and having its +pages numbered for the days of the year. And each page was full of +Bible words. It looked nice. I put the book in my pocket; and on board +the ferry-boat opened it again, and looked for the date of the day in +March where we were. I found the words--"He preserveth the way of his +saints." They were the words heading the page. I had not time for +another bit; but as I left the boat this went into my heart like a +cordial. + +It was a damp, dark morning. The air was chill as we left the little +boat cabin; the streets were dirty; there was a confusion of people +seeking carriages or porters or baggage or custom; then suddenly I +felt as if I had lighted on a tower of strength, for Dr. Sandford +stood at my side. A good-humoured sort of a tower he looked to me, in +his steady, upright bearing; and his military coat helped the +impression of that. I can see now his touch of his cap to Miss +Pinshon, and then the quick glance which took in Margaret and me. In +another minute I had shaken hands with my governess, and was in a +carriage with Margaret opposite me; and Dr. Sandford was giving my +baggage in charge to somebody. And then he took his place beside me +and we drove off. And I drew a long breath. + +"Punctual to your time, Daisy," said the doctor. "But what made you +choose such a time? How much of yourself have you left by the way?" + +"Miss Pinshon liked better to travel all night," I said, "because +there was no place where she liked to stop to spend the night." + +"What was your opinion on that subject?" + +"I was more tired than she was, I suppose." + +"Has she managed things on the same system for the four years past?" + +The doctor put the question with such a cool gravity, that I could not +help laughing. Yet I believe my laughing was very near crying. At +first he did so put me in mind of all that was about me when I used +to see him in that time long before. And an inexpressible feeling of +comfort was in his presence now; a feeling of being taken care of. I +had been looked after, undoubtedly, all these years--sharply looked +after; there was never a night that I could go to sleep without my +governess coming in to see that I was in my room, or in bed, and my +clothes in order, and my light where it ought to be. And my aunt had +not forgotten me, nor her perplexities about me. And Preston had +petted me when he was near. But even Preston sometimes lost sight of +me in the urgency of his own pleasure or business. There was a great +difference in the strong hand of Dr. Sandford's care; and if you had +ever looked into his blue eyes, you would know that they forgot +nothing. They had always fascinated me; they did now. + +Mrs. Sandford was not up when we got to the house where she was +staying. It was no matter, for a room was ready for me; and Dr. +Sandford had a nice little breakfast brought, and saw me eat it, just +as if I were a patient. Then he ordered me to bed, and charged +Margaret to watch over me, and he went away, as he said, till luncheon +time. + +I drew two or three long breaths as Margaret was undressing me; I felt +so comfortable. + +"Are Miss Pinshon done gone away, Miss Daisy?" my handmaid asked. + +"From Magnolia? yes." + +"Where she gwine to?" + +"I don't know." + +"Then she don't go furder along the way we're goin'?" + +"No. I wonder, Margaret, if they will have any prayer-meetings in +Magnolia now?" For with the mention of Magnolia my thoughts swept +back. + +"'Spect the overseer have his ugly old way!" Margaret uttered with +great disgust. "Miss Daisy done promise me, I go 'long with Miss +Daisy?" she added. + +"Yes. But what makes _you_ want to get away from home more than all +the rest of them?" + +"Reckon I'd done gone kill myself, s'pose Miss Daisy leave me there," +the girl said gloomily. "If dey send me down South, I _would_." + +"Send you South!" I said; "they would not do that, Margaret." + +"Dere was man wantin' to buy me--give mighty high price, de overseer +said." In excitement Margaret's tongue sometimes grew thick, like +those of her neighbours. + +"Mr. Edwards has no right to sell anybody away from the place," I +insisted, in mixed unbelief and horror. + +"Dunno," said Margaret. "Don't make no difference, Miss Daisy. Who +care what he do? Dere's Pete's wife--" + +"Pete's wife?" said I. "I didn't know Pete was married! What of Pete's +wife?" + +"Dat doctor will kill me, for sure!" said Margaret, looking at me. +"Do, don't, Miss Daisy! The doctor say you must go right to bed, now. +See! you ain't got your clothes off." + +"Stop," said I. "What about Pete's wife?" + +"I done forget. I thought Miss Daisy knowed. Mebbe it's before Miss +Daisy come home." + +"What?" said I. "What?" + +"It's nothin', Miss Daisy. The overseer he done got mad with Pete's +wife and he sold her down South, he did." + +"Away from Pete?" said I. + +"Pete, he's to de old place," said Margaret, laconically. "'Spect he +forgot all about it by dis time. Miss Daisy please have her clothes +off and go to bed?" + +There was nothing more to wait for. I submitted, was undressed; but +the rest and sleep which had been desired were far out of reach now. +Pete's wife?--my good, strong, gentle, and I remembered always +_grave_, Pete! My heart was on fire with indignation and torn to +pieces with sorrow, both at once. Torn with the helpless feeling too +that I could not mend the wrong. I do not mean this individual wrong, +but the whole state of things under which such wrong was possible. I +was restless on my bed, though very weary. I would rather have been up +and doing something, than to lie and look at my trouble; only that +being there kept me out of the way of seeing people and of talking. +Such things done under my father and mother's own authority,--on their +own land--to their own helpless dependants; whom yet it was _they_ +made helpless and kept subject to such possibilities. I turned and +tossed, feeling that I _must_ do something, while yet I knew I could +do nothing. Pete's wife! And where was she now? And _that_ was the +secret of the unvarying grave shadow that Pete's brow always wore. And +now that I had quitted Magnolia, no human friend for the present +remained to all that crowd of poor and ignorant and needy humanity. +Even their comfort of prayer forbidden; except such comfort as each +believer might take by himself alone. + +I did not know, I never did know till long after, how to many at +Magnolia that prohibition wrought no harm. I think Margaret knew, and +even then did not dare tell me. How the meetings for prayer were not +stopped. How watch was kept on certain nights, till all stir had +ceased in the little community; till lights were out in the overseer's +house (and at the great house, while we were there); and how then, +silently and softly from their several cabins, the people stole away +through the woods to a little hill beyond the cemetery, quite far out +of hearing or ken of anybody; and there prayed, and sang too, and +"praised God and shouted," as my informant told me; not neglecting all +the while to keep a picket watch about their meeting-place, to give +the alarm in case anybody should come. So under the soft moonlight +skies and at depth of night, the meetings which I had supposed broken +up, took new life, and grew, and lived; and prayers did not fail; and +the Lord hearkened and heard. + +It would have comforted me greatly if I could have known this at the +time. But, as I said, I supposed Margaret dared not tell me. After a +long time of weary tossing and heartache, sleep came at last to me; +but it brought Pete and his wife and the overseer and Margaret in new +combinations of trouble; and I got little refreshment. + +"Now you have waked up, Miss Daisy?" said Margaret when I opened my +eyes. "That poundin' noise has done waked you!" + +"What noise?" + +"It's no Christian noise," said Margaret. "What's the use of turnin' +the house into a clap of thunder like that? But a man was makin' it o' +purpose, for I went out to see; and he telled me it was to call folks +to luncheon. Will you get up, Miss Daisy?" + +Margaret spoke as if she thought I had much better lie still; but I +was weary of the comfort I had found there and disposed to try +something else. I had just time to be ready before Dr. Sandford came +for me and took me to his sister-in-law. Mrs. Sandford welcomed me +with great kindness, even tenderness; exclaimed at my growth; but I +saw by her glance at the doctor that my appearance in other respects +struck her unfavourably. He made no answer to that, but carried us off +to the luncheon-room. + +There were other people lodging in the house besides my friends; a +long table was spread. Dr. Sandford, I saw, was an immense favourite. +Questions and demands upon his attention came thick and fast from both +ends and all sides of the table; about all sorts of subjects and in +all manner of tones, grave and gay. And he was at home to them all, +but in the midst of it never forgot me. He took careful heed to my +luncheon; prepared one thing, and called for another; it reminded me +of a time long gone by; but it did not help me to eat. I could not +eat. The last thing he did was to call for a fresh raw egg, and break +it into a half glass of milk. With this in his hand we left the +dining-room. As soon as we got to Mrs. Sandford's parlour he gave it +to me and ordered me to swallow it. I suppose I looked dismayed. + +"Poor child!" said Mrs. Sandford. "Let me have it beaten up for her, +Grant, with some sugar; she can't take it so." + +"Daisy has done harder things," he said. + +I saw he expected me to drink it, and so I did, I do not know how. + +"Thank you," he said smiling, as he took the glass. "Now sit down and +I will talk to you." + +"How she is growing tall, Grant!" said Mrs. Sandford. + +"Yes," said he. "Did you sleep well, Daisy?" + +"No, sir; I couldn't sleep. And then I dreamed." + +"Dreaming is not a proper way of resting. So tired you could not +sleep?" + +"I do not think it was that, Dr. Sandford." + +"Do you know what it was?" + +"I think I do," I said, a little unwillingly. + +"She is getting very much the look of her mother," Mrs. Sandford +remarked again. "Don't you see it, Grant?" + +"I see more than that," he answered. "Daisy, do you think this +governess of yours has been a good governess?" + +I looked wearily out of the window, and cast a weary mental look over +the four years of algebraics and philosophy at the bright little child +I saw at the further end of them. + +"I think I have grown dull, Dr. Sandford," I said. + +He came up behind me, and put his arms round me, taking my hand in +his, and spoke in quite a different tone. + +"Daisy, have you found many 'wonderful things' at Magnolia?" + +I looked up, I remember, with the eagerness of a heart full of +thoughts, in his face; but I could not speak then. + +"Have you looked through a microscope since you have been there, and +made discoveries?" + +"Not in natural things, Dr. Sandford." + +"Ha!" said the doctor. "Do you want to go and take a drive with me?" + +"Oh yes!" + +"Go and get ready then, please." + +I had a very pleasant, quiet drive; the doctor showing me, as he said, +not wonderful things but new things, and taking means to amuse me. And +every day for several days I had a drive. Sometimes we went to the +country, sometimes got out and examined something in the city. There +was a soothing relief in it all, and in the watchful care taken of me +at home, and the absence of mathematics and philosophy. All day when +not driving or at meals, I lay on Mrs. Sandford's sofa or curled +myself up in the depth of a great easy-chair, and turned over her +books; or studied my own blue book which I had picked up in the car, +and which was so little I had Margaret to make a big pocket in my +frock to hold it. But this life was not to last. A few days was all +Mrs. Sandford had to spend in Washington. + +The place I liked best to go to was the Capitol. Several times Dr. +Sandford took me there, and showed me the various great rooms, and +paintings, and smaller rooms with their beautiful adornments; and I +watched the workmen at work; for the renewing of the building was not +yet finished. As long as he had time to spare, Dr. Sandford let me +amuse myself as I would; and often got me into talks which refreshed +me more than anything. Still, though I was soothed, my trouble at +heart was not gone. One day we were sitting looking at the pictures in +the great vestibule, when Dr. Sandford suddenly started a subject +which put the Capitol out of my head. + +"Daisy," said he, "was it your wish or Margaret's, that she should go +North with you?" + +"Hers," I said, startled. + +"Then it is not yours particularly." + +"Yes, it is, Dr. Sandford, _very_ particularly." + +"How is that?" said he. + +I hesitated. I shrank from the whole subject; it was so extremely sore +to me. + +"I ought to warn you," he went on, "that if you take her further, she +may, if she likes, leave you, and claim her freedom. That is the law. +If her owner takes her into the free States, she may remain in them if +she will, whether he does or not." + +I was silent still, for the whole thing choked me. I was quite +willing she should have her freedom, get it any way she could; but +there was my father, and his pleasure and interest, which might not +choose to lose a piece of his property; and my mother and _her_ +interest and pleasure; I knew what both would be. I was dumb. + +"You had not thought of this before?" the doctor went on. + +"No, sir." + +"Does it not change your mind about taking her on?" + +"No, sir." + +"Did it ever occur to you, or rather, does it not occur to you now, +that the girl's design in coming may have been this very purpose of +her freedom?" + +"I do not think it was," I said. + +"Even if not, it will be surely put in her head by other people before +she has been at the North long; and she will know that she is her own +mistress." + +I was silent still. I knew that I wished she might. + +"Do you think," Dr. Sandford went on, "that in this view of the case +we had better send her back to Magnolia when you leave Washington?" + +"No," I said. + +"I think it would be better," he repeated. + +"Oh, no!" I said. "Oh, no, Dr. Sandford. I can't send her back. You +will not send her back, will you?" + +"Be quiet," he said, holding fast the hand which in my earnestness I +had put in his; "she is not my servant; she is yours; it is for you to +say what you will do." + +"I will not send her back," I said. + +"But it may be right to consider what would be Mr. Randolph's wish on +the subject. If you take her, he may lose several hundred dollars' +worth of property: it is right for me to warn you. Would he choose to +run the risk?" + +I remember now what a fire at my heart sent the blood to my face. But +with my hand in Dr. Sandford's, and those blue eyes of his reading me, +I could not keep back my thought. + +"She ought to be her own mistress," I said. + +A brilliant flash of expression filled the blue eyes and crossed +his face--I could hardly tell what, before it was gone. Quick +surprise--pleasure--amusement--agreement; the first and the two last +certainly; and the pleasure I could not help fancying had lent its colour +to that ray of light which had shot for one instant from those +impenetrable eyes. He spoke just as usual. + +"But, Daisy, have you studied this question?" + +"I think I have studied nothing else, Dr. Sandford." + +"You know the girl is not yours, but your father's." + +"She isn't anybody's," I said slowly, and with slow tears gathering in +my heart. + +"How do you mean?" said he, with again the quiver of a smile upon his +lips. + +"I mean," I said, struggling with my thoughts and myself, "I mean that +nobody could have a right to her." + +"Did not her parents belong to your father?" + +"To my mother." + +"Then she does." + +"But, Dr. Sandford," I said, "nobody _can_ belong to anybody--in that +way." + +"How do you make it out, Daisy?" + +"Because nobody can give anybody a _right_ to anybody else in that +way." + +"Does it not give your mother a right, that the mother of this girl +and her grandmother were the property of your ancestors?" + +"They could not be their property justly," I said, glad to get back to +my ancestors. + +"The law made it so." + +"Not God's law, Dr. Sandford," I said, looking up at him. + +"No? Does not that law give a man a right to what he has honestly +bought?" + +"No," I said, "it _can't_--not if it has been dishonestly sold." + +"Explain, Daisy," said Dr. Sandford, very quietly; but I saw the gleam +of that light in his eye again. I had gone too far to stop. I went on, +ready to break my heart over the right and wrong I was separating. + +"I mean, the _first_ people that sold the first of these coloured +people," I said. + +"Well?" said the doctor. + +"They could not have a right to sell them." + +"Yes. Well?" + +"Then the people that bought them could not have a right, any more," I +said. + +"But, Daisy," said Dr. Sandford, "do you know that there are different +opinions on this very point?" + +I was silent. It made no difference to me. + +"Suppose for the moment that the first people, as you say, had no +precise right to sell the men and women they brought to this country; +yet those who bought them and paid honest money for them, and +possessed them from generation to generation--had not _they_ a right +to pass them off upon other hands, receiving their money back again?" + +"I don't know how to explain it," I said. "I mean--if at first--Dr. +Sandford, hadn't the people that were sold, hadn't they rights too?" + +"Rights of what sort?" + +"A right to do what they liked with themselves, and to earn money, and +to keep their wives?" + +"But those rights were lost, you know, Daisy." + +"But _could_ they be?" I said. "I mean--Dr. Sandford, for instance, +suppose somebody stole your watch from you; would you lose the right +to it?" + +"It _seems_ to me that I should not, Daisy." + +"That is what I mean," I said. + +"But there is another view of the case, Daisy. Take Margaret, for +instance. From the time she was a child, your father's, or your +mother's money has gone to support her; her food and clothing and +living have been wholly at their expense. Does not that give them a +right to her services? ought they not to be repaid?" + +I did not want to speak of my father and mother and Margaret. It was +coming too near home. I knew the food and clothing Dr. Sandford spoke +of; I knew a very few months of a Northern servant's wages would have +paid for it all; was this girl's whole life to be taken from her, and +by my father and mother, and for such a cause? The feeling of grief +and wrong and shame got possession of me. I was ready to break my +heart in tears; but I could not show Dr. Sandford what I felt, nor +confess to what I thought of my father's action. I had the greatest +struggle with myself not to give way and cry. I was very weak bodily, +but I know I stood still and did not shed a tear; till I felt Dr. +Sandford's hands take hold of me. They put me gently back in the chair +from which I had risen. + +"What is the matter, Daisy?" he said. + +I would not speak, and he did not urge it; but I saw that he watched +me till I gained command of myself again. + +"Shall we go home now?" he asked. + +"In a minute. Dr. Sandford, I do not think papa knows about all +this--I do not think he knows about it as I do. I am sure he does not; +and when he knows he will think as I do." + +"Or perhaps you will think as he does." + +I was silent. I wondered if that could be possible--if I too could +have my eyes blinded as I saw other people's were. + +"Little Daisy," said my friend the doctor, "but you are getting to be +not _little_ Daisy. How old are you?" + +"I shall be fourteen in June." + +"Fourteen. Well, it is no wonder that my friend whom I left a +philosopher at ten years old, I should find a woman at fourteen; but +Daisy, you must not take it on your heart that you have to teach all +the ignorant and help all the distressed that come in your way; +because simply you cannot do it." + +I looked up at him. I could not tell him what I thought, because he +would not, I feared, understand it. Christ came to do just such work, +and His servants must have it on their hearts to do the same. I cannot +tell what was in my look, but I thought the doctor's face changed. + +"One Molly Skelton will do for one four years," he said as he rose up. +"Come, Daisy." + +"But, Dr. Sandford," I said, as I followed him, "you will not do +anything about sending Margaret back?" + +"Nothing, till you do, Daisy." + +Arrived at home, the doctor made me drink a raw egg, and lie down on +Mrs. Sandford's sofa; and he sat down and looked at me. + +"You are the most troublesome patient that ever I had," said he. + +"I am?" I exclaimed. + +"Yes. Quite innocently. You cannot help it, Daisy; and you need not be +troubled about it. It is all in the way of my profession. It is as if +a delicate vessel of Egyptian glass were put to do the work of an iron +smelting furnace; and I have to think of all the possible bands and +hardening appliances that can be brought into use for the occasion." + +"I do not understand," I said. + +"No; I suppose not. That is the worst of it." + +"But why am I an _Egyptian_ glass?" I asked. "I am not very old." + +The doctor gave me one of those quick, bright glances and smiles that +were very pleasant to get from him and not very common. There came a +sort of glow and sparkle in his blue eye then, and a wonderful winsome +and gracious trick of the lips. + +"It is a very doubtful sort of a compliment," said Mrs. Sandford. + +"I did not mean it for a compliment at all," said the doctor. + +"I don't believe you did," said his sister; "but what _did_ you mean? +Grant, I should like to hear you pay a compliment for once." + +"You do not know Egyptian glass," said the doctor. + +"No. What was it?" + +"Very curious." + +"Didn't I say that you couldn't pay compliments?" said Mrs. Sandford. + +"And unlike any that is made nowadays. There were curious patterns +wrought in the glass, made, it is supposed, by the fusing together of +rods of glass, extremely minute, of different colours; so that the +pattern once formed was ineffaceable and indestructible, unless by the +destruction of the vessel which contained it. Sometimes a layer of +gold was introduced between the layers of glass." + +"How very curious!" said Mrs. Sandford. + +"I think I must take you into consultation, Daisy," the doctor went +on, turning to me. "It is found that there must be a little delay +before you can go up to take a look at Melbourne. Mrs. Sandford is +obliged to stop in New York with a sick sister; how long she may be +kept there it is impossible to say. Now you would have a dull time, I +am afraid; and I am in doubt whether it would not be pleasanter for +you to enter school at once. In about three months the school term +will end and the summer vacation begin; by that time Mrs. Sandford +will be at home and the country ready to receive you. But you shall do +whichever you like best." + +"Mrs. Sandford will be in New York," I said. + +"Yes." + +"And I would see you constantly, dear, and have you with me all the +Saturdays and Sundays and holidays. And if you like it better, you +shall be with me all the time; only I should be obliged to leave you +alone too much." + +"How long does the summer vacation last?" I inquired. + +"Till some time in September. You can enter school now or then, as you +choose." + +I thought and hesitated, and said I would enter at once. Dr. Sandford +said I was not fit for it, but it was on the whole the best plan. So +it was arranged, that I should just wait a day or two in New York to +get my wardrobe in order and then begin my school experience. + +But my thoughts went back afterwards, more than once, to the former +conversation; and I wondered what it was about me that made Dr. +Sandford liken me to Egyptian glass. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +SHOPPING. + + +It was settled that I should wait a day or two in New York to get my +wardrobe arranged, and then begin my school experience. But when we +got to New York, we found Mrs. Sandford's sister so ill as to claim +her whole time. There was none to spare for me and my wardrobe. Mrs. +Sandford said I must attend to it myself as well as I could, and the +doctor would go with me. He was off duty, he reported, and at leisure +for ladies' affairs. Mrs. Sandford told me what I would need. A warm +school dress, she said; for the days would be often cold in this +latitude until May, and even later; and schoolrooms not always warm. A +warm dress for every day was the first thing. A fine merino, Mrs. +Sandford said, would be, she thought, what my mother would choose. I +had silks which might be warm enough for other occasions. Then I must +have a thick coat or cloak. Long coats, with sleeves, were fashionable +then, she told me; the doctor would take me where I would find plenty +to choose from. And I needed a hat, or a bonnet. Unless, Mrs. +Sandford said, I chose to wear my riding-cap with the feather; that +was warm, and very pretty, and would do. + +How much would it all cost? I asked. Mrs. Sandford made a rapid +calculation. The merino would be two dollars a yard, she said; the +coat might be got for thirty-five or thereabouts sufficiently good; +the hat was entirely what I chose to make it. "But you know, my dear," +Mrs. Sandford said, "the sort of quality and style your mother likes, +and you will be guided by that." + +Must I be guided by that?--I questioned with myself. Yes, I knew. I +knew very well; but I had other things to think of. I pondered. While +I was pondering, Dr. Sandford was quietly opening his pocket-book and +unfolding a roll of bills. He put a number of them into my hand. + +"That will cover it all, Daisy," he said. "It is money your father has +made over to my keeping, for this and similar purposes." + +"Oh, thank you!" I said, breathless; and then I counted the bills. +"Oh, thank you, Dr. Sandford: but may I spend all this?" + +"Certainly. Mr. Randolph desired it should go, this and more of it, to +your expenses, of whatever kind. This covers my sister's estimate, and +leaves something for your pocket besides." + +"And when shall we go?" I asked. + +"To spend it? Now, if you like. Why, Daisy, I did not know--" + +"What, sir?" I said as he paused. + +"Really, nothing," he said, smiling. "Somehow I had not fancied that +you shared the passion of your sex for what they call _shopping_. You +are all alike in some things." + +"I like it very much to-day," I said. + +"It would be safe for you to keep Daisy's money in your own pocket, +Grant," Mrs. Sandford said. "It will be stolen from her, certainly." + +The doctor smiled and stretched out his hand; I put the bills into it: +and away we went. My head was very busy. I knew, as Mrs. Sandford +said, the sort and style of purchases my mother would make and +approve; but then on the other hand the remembrance was burnt into me, +whence that money came which I was expected to spend so freely, and +what other uses and calls for it there were, even in the case of those +very people whose hands had earned it for us. Not to go further, +Margaret's wardrobe needed refitting quite as much as mine. She was +quite as unaccustomed as I to the chills and blasts of a cold climate, +and fully as unfurnished to meet them. I had seen her draw her thin +checked shawl around her, when I knew it was not enough to save her +from the weather, and that she had no more. And her gowns, of thin +cotton stuff, such as she wore about her housework at Magnolia, were a +bare provision against the nipping bite of the air here at the North. +Yet nobody spoke of any addition to _her_ stock of clothes. It was on +my heart alone. But now it was in my hand too, and I felt very glad; +though just how to manage Dr. Sandford I did not know. I thought a +great deal about the whole matter as we went through the streets; as I +had also thought long before; and my mind was clear, that while so +many whom I knew needed the money, or while _any_ whom I knew needed +it, I would spend no useless dollars upon myself. How should I manage +Dr. Sandford? There he was, my cash-keeper; and I had not the least +wish to unfold my plans to him. + +"I suppose the dress is the first thing, Daisy," he said, as we +entered the great establishment where everything was to be had; and he +inquired for the counter where we should find merinoes. I had no +objection ready. + +"What colour, Daisy?" + +"I want something quiet," I said. + +"Something dark," said the doctor, seating himself. "And fine quality. +Not green, Daisy, if I might advise. It is too cold." + +"Cold!" said I. + +"For this season. It is a very nice colour in summer, Daisy," he said, +smiling. + +And he looked on in a kind of amused way, while the clerk of the +merinoes and I confronted each other. There was displayed now before +me a piece of claret-coloured stuff, dark and bright; a lovely tint +and a very beautiful piece of goods. I knew enough of the matter to +know that. Fine and thick and lustrous, it just suited my fancy; I +knew it was just what my mother would buy; I saw Dr. Sandford's eye +watch me in its amusement with a glance of expectation. But the stuff +was two dollars and a quarter a yard. Yes, it suited me exactly; but +what was to become of others if I were covered so luxuriously? And how +could I save money if I spent it? It was hard to speak, too, before +that shopman, who held the merino in his hand, expecting me to say I +would take it; but I had no way to escape that trouble. I turned from +the rich folds of claret stuff to the doctor at my side. + +"Dr. Sandford," I said, "I want to get something that will not cost so +much." + +"Does it not please you?" he asked. + +"Yes; I like it: but I want some stuff that will not cost so much." + +"This is not far above my sister's estimate, Daisy." + +"No--" I said. + +"And the difference is a trifle--if you like the piece." + +"I like it," I said; "but it is very much above _my_ estimate." + +"You had one of your own!" said the doctor. "Do you like something +else here better?--or what is your estimate, Daisy?" + +"I do not want a poor merino," I said. "I would rather get some other +stuff--if I can. I do not want to give more than a dollar." + +"The young lady may find what will suit her at the plaid counter," +said the shopman, letting fall the rich drapery he had been holding +up. "Just round that corner, sir, to the left." + +Dr. Sandford led the way, and I followed. There certainly I found +plenty of warm stuffs, in various patterns and colours, and with +prices as various. But nothing to match the grave elegance of those +claret folds. It was coming down a step, to leave that counter for +this. I knew it perfectly well; while I sought out the simplest and +prettiest dark small plaid I could find. + +"Do you like these things better?" the doctor asked me privately. + +"No, sir," I said. + +"Then why come here, Daisy? Pardon me, may I ask?" + +"I have other things to get, Dr. Sandford," I said low. + +"But Daisy!" said the doctor, rousing up, "I have performed my part +ill. You are not restricted--your father has not restricted you. I am +your banker for whatever sums you may need--for whatever purposes." + +"Yes," I said, "I know. Oh no, I know papa has not restricted you; but +I think I ought not to spend any more. It is my own affair." + +"And not mine. Pardon me, Daisy; I submit." + +"Please, Dr. Sandford, don't speak so!" I said. "I don't mean that. I +mean, it is my own affair and not papa's." + +"Certainly, I have no more to say," said the doctor, smiling. + +"I will tell you all about it," I said; and then I desired the shopman +to cut off the dress I had fixed upon; and we went upstairs to look +for cloaks, I feeling hot and confused and half perplexed. I had never +worn such a dress as this plaid I had bought in my life. It was nice +and good, and pretty too; but it did not match the quality or the +elegance of the things my mother always had got for me. _She_ would +not have liked it nor let me wear it; I knew that; but then--whence +came the wealth that flowed over in such exquisite forms upon her and +upon me? Were not its original and proper channels bare? And whence +were they to be, even in any measure, refilled, if all the supply +must, as usual, be led off in other directions? I mused as I went up +the stairs, feeling perplexed, nevertheless, at the strangeness of the +work I was doing, and with something in my heart giving a pull at my +judgment towards the side of what was undoubtedly "pleasant to the +eyes." So I followed Dr. Sandford up the stairs and into the +wilderness of the cloak department, where all manner of elegancies, in +silk, and velvet, and cloth, were displayed in orderly confusion. It +was a wilderness to me, in the mood of my thoughts. Was I going to +repeat here the process just gone through downstairs? + +The doctor seated me, asked what I wanted to see, and gave the order. +And forthwith my eyes were regaled with a variety of temptations. A +nice little black silk pelisse was hung on the stand opposite me; it +was nice; a good gloss was upon the silk, the article was in the +neatest style, and trimmed with great simplicity. I would have been +well satisfied to wear that. By its side was displayed another of +velvet; then yet another of very fine dark cloth; perfect in material +and make, faultless in its elegance of finish. But the silk was +forty-five and the cloth was forty, and the velvet was sixty dollars. +I sat and looked at them. There is no denying that I wanted the silk +or the cloth. Either of them would do. Either of them was utterly +girl-like and plain, but both of them had the finish of perfection, in +make, style, and material. I wanted the one or the other. But, if I +had it, what would be left for Margaret? + +"Are you tired, Daisy?" said Dr. Sandford, bending down to look in my +face. + +"No, sir. At least, that was not what I was thinking of." + +"When then?" said he. "Will one of these do?" + +"They would do," I said slowly. "But, Dr. Sandford, I should like to +see something else--something that would do for somebody that was +poorer than I." + +"Poorer?" said the doctor, looking funny. "What is the matter, Daisy? +Have you suddenly become bankrupt? You need not be afraid, for the +bank is in my pocket; and I know it will stand all your demands upon +it." + +"No, but--I would indeed, if you please, Dr. Sandford. These things +cost too much for what I want now." + +"Do you like them?" + +"I like them very well." + +"Then take whichever you like best. That is my advice to you, Daisy. +The bank will bear it." + +"I think I must not. Please, Dr. Sandford, I should like to see +something that would not cost so much. Do they _all_ cost as much as +these?" + +The doctor gave the order as I desired. The shopman who was serving us +cast another comprehensive glance at me--I had seen him give one at +the beginning--and tossing off the velvet coat and twisting off the +silk one, he walked away. Presently he came back with a brown silk, +which he hung in the place of the velvet one, and a blue cloth, which +replaced the black silk. Every whit as costly, and almost as pretty, +both of them. + +"No," said the doctor,--"you mistook me. We want to look at some goods +fitted for persons who have not long purses." + +"Something inferior to these--" said the man. He was not uncivil; he +just stated the fact. In accordance with which he replaced the last +two coats with a little grey dreadnought, and a black cloth; the first +neat and rough, the last not to be looked at. It was not in good +taste, and a sort of thing that I neither had worn nor could wear. But +the grey dreadnought was simple and warm and neat, and would offend +nobody. I looked from it to the pretty black cloth which still hung in +contrast with it, the one of the first there. Certainly, in style and +elegance _this_ looked like my mother's child, and the other did not. +But this was forty dollars. The dreadnought was exactly half that sum. +I had a little debate with myself--I remember it, for it was my first +experience of that kind of thing--and all my mother's training had +refined in me the sense of what was elegant and fitting, in dress as +well as in other matters. Until now, I had never had my fancy crossed +by anything I ever had to wear. The little grey dreadnought--how would +it go with my silk dresses? It was like what I had seen other people +dressed in; never my mother or me. Yet it was perfectly fitting a +lady's child, if she could not afford other; and where was Margaret's +cloak to come from? And who had the best right? I pondered and +debated, and then I told Dr. Sandford I would have the grey coat. I +believe I half wished he would make some objection; but he did not; he +paid for the dreadnought and ordered it sent home; and then I began to +congratulate myself that Margaret's comfort was secure. + +"Is that all, Daisy?" my friend asked. + +"Dr. Sandford," said I, standing up and speaking low, "I want to +find--can I find here, do you think?--a good warm cloak and dress for +Margaret." + +"For Margaret?" said the doctor. + +"Yes; she is not used to the cold, you know; and she has nothing to +keep her comfortable." + +"But, Daisy!" said the doctor,--"sit down here again; I must +understand this. Was _Margaret_ at the bottom of all these financial +operations?" + +"I knew she wanted something, ever since we came from Washington," I +said. + +"Daisy, she could have had it." + +"Yes, Dr. Sandford;--but--" + +"But what, if you will be so good?" + +"I think it was right for me to get it." + +"I am sorry I do not agree with you at all. It was for _me_ to get +it--I am supplied with funds, Daisy--and your father has entrusted to +me the making of all arrangements which are in any way good for your +comfort. I think, with your leave, I shall reverse these bargains. +Have you been all this time pleasing Margaret and _not_ yourself?" + +"No, sir," I said,--"if you please. I cannot explain it, Dr. Sandford, +but I know it is right." + +"What is right, Daisy? My faculties are stupid." + +"No, sir; but--Let it be as it is, please." + +"But won't you explain it? I ought to know what I am giving my consent +to, Daisy; for just now I am constituted your guardian. What has +Margaret to do with your cloaks? There is enough for both." + +"But," said I, in a great deal of difficulty,--"there is not enough +for me and everybody." + +"Are you going to take care of the wants of everybody?" + +"I think--I ought to take care of all that I can," I said. + +"But you have not the power." + +"I won't do but what I _have_ the power for." + +"Daisy, what would your father and mother say to such a course of +action? would they allow it, do you think?" + +"But _you_ are my guardian now, Dr. Sandford," I said, looking up at +him. He paused a minute doubtfully. + +"I am conquered!" he said. "You have absolutely conquered me, Daisy. I +have not a word to say. I wonder if that is the way you are going +through the world in future? What is it now about Margaret?--for I was +bewildered and did not understand." + +"A warm cloak and dress," I said, delighted; "that is what I want. Can +I get them here?" + +"Doubtful, I should say," he answered; "but we will try." + +And we did succeed in finding the dress, strong and warm and suitable; +the cloak we had to go to another shop for. On the way we stopped at +the milliner's. My Aunt Gary and Mrs. Sandford employed the same one. + +"I put it in your hands, Daisy!" Dr. Sandford said, as we went in. +"Only let me look on." + +I kept him waiting a good while, I am afraid; but he was very patient +and seemed amused. _I_ was not. The business was very troublesome to +me. This was not so easy a matter as to choose between stuffs and have +the yards measured off. Bonnets are bonnets, as my aunt always said; +and things good in themselves may not be in the least good for you. +And I found the thing that suited was even more tempting here than it +had been in the cloak wareroom. There was a little velvet hat which I +fancied mamma would have bought for me; it was so stylish, and at the +same time so simple, and became me so well. But it was of a price +corresponding with its beauty. I turned my back on it, though I seemed +to see it just as well through the back of my head, and tried to find +something else. The milliner would have it there was nothing beside +that fitted me. The hat must go on. + +"She has grown," said the milliner, appealing to Dr. Sandford; "and +you see this is the very thing. This tinge of colour inside is just +enough to relieve the pale cheeks. Do you see, sir?" + +"It is without a fault," said the doctor. + +"Take it off, please," I said. "I want to find something that will not +cost so much--something that will not cost near so much." + +"There is that cap that is too large for Miss Van Allen--" the +milliner's assistant remarked. + +"It would not suit Mrs. Randolph at all," was the answer aside. + +But I begged to see it. Now this was a comfortable, soft quilted silk +cap, with a chinchilla border. Not much style about it, but also +nothing to dislike, except its simplicity. The price was moderate, and +it fitted me. + +You are going to be a different Daisy Randolph from what you have been +all your life--something whispered to me. And the doctor said, "That +makes you look about ten years old again, Daisy." I had a minute of +doubt and delay; then I said I would have the cap; and the great +business was ended. + +Margaret's purchases were all found, and we went home, with money +still in my bank, Dr. Sandford informed me. I was very tired; but on +the whole I was very satisfied, until my things came home, and I saw +that Mrs. Sandford did not like them. + +"I wish I could have been with you!" she said. + +"What is the matter?" said the doctor. It was the evening, and we were +all together for a few minutes, before Mrs. Sandford went to her +sister. + +"Did you choose these things, Grant?" + +"What is the matter with them?" + +"They are hardly suitable." + +"For the third time, what is the matter with them?" said the doctor. + +"They are neat, but they are not _handsome_." + +"They will look handsome when they are on," said Dr. Sandford. + +"No they won't; they will look common. I don't mean _vulgar_--you +could not buy anything in bad taste--but they are just what anybody's +child might wear." + +"Then Mrs. Randolph's child might." + +Mrs. Sandford gave him a look. "That is just the thing," she said. +"Mrs. Randolph's child might _not_. I never saw anybody more elegant +or more particular about the choice of her dress than Mrs. Randolph; +it is always perfect; and Daisy's always was. Mrs. Randolph would not +like these." + +"Shall we change them, Daisy?" said the doctor. + +I said "No." + +"Then I hope they will wear out before Mrs. Randolph comes home," he +said. + +All this, somehow, made me uncomfortable. I went off to the room which +had been given to me, where a fire was kept; and I sat down to think. +Certainly, I would have liked the other coat and hat better, that I +had rejected; and the thought of the rich soft folds of that silky +merino were not pleasant to me. The plaid I had bought _did_ wear a +common look in comparison. I knew it, quite as well as Mrs. Sandford; +and that I had never worn common things; and I knew that in the +merino, properly made, I should have looked my mother's child; and +that in the plaid my mother would not know me. Was I right? was I +wrong? I knelt down before the fire, feeling that the straight path +was not always easy to find. Yet I had thought I saw it before me. I +knelt before the fire, which was the only light in the room, and +opened the page of my dear little book that had the Bible lessons for +every day. This day's lesson was headed, "That ye adorn the doctrine +of God our Saviour in all things." + +The mist began to clear away. Between adorning and being adorned, the +difference was so great, it set my face quite another way directly. I +went on. "Let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of +Christ." + +And how should that be? Certainly, the spirit of that gospel had no +regard to self-glorification; and had most tender regard to the wants of +others. I began to feel sure that I was in the way and not out of it. +Then came--"If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye. But +let none of you suffer ... _as a thief, or as an evildoer_"--"Let your +light so shine before men"--"Let not mercy and truth forsake thee; bind +them about thy neck;"--"Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are +honest, whatsoever things are _just_ ... think on these things." + +The words came about me, binding up my doubts, making sound my heart, +laying a soft touch upon every rough spot in my thoughts. True, +honest, just, lovely, and of good report,--yes, I would think on these +things, and I would not be turned aside from them. And if I suffered +as a Christian, I determined that I would not be ashamed; I prayed +that I might never; I would take as no dishonour the laughter or the +contempt of those who did not see the two sides of the question; but +as a _thief_ I would not suffer. I earnestly prayed that I might not. +No beauty of dresses or stylishness of coats or bonnets should adorn +me, the price of which God saw belonged and was due to the sufferings +of others; more especially to the wants of those whose wants made my +supply. That my father and mother, with the usage of old habit, and +the influence of universal custom, should be blind to what I saw so +clearly, made no difference in my duty. I had the light of the Bible +rule, which was not yet, I knew, the lamp to their feet. _I_ must walk +by it, all the same. And my thought went back now with great +tenderness to Mammy Theresa's rheumatism, which wanted flannel; to +Maria's hyacinths, which were her great earthly interest, out of the +things of religion; to Darry's lonely cottage, where he had no lamp to +read the Bible o' nights, and no oil to burn in it. To Pete's solitary +hut, too, where he was struggling to learn to read well, and where a +hymn-book would be the greatest comfort to him. To the old people, +whose one solace of a cup of tea would be gone unless I gave it them; +to the boys who were learning to read, who wanted testaments; to the +bed-ridden and sick, who wanted blankets; to the young and well, who +wanted gowns (not indeed for decency, but for the natural pleasure of +looking neat and smart)--and to Margaret, first and last, who was +nearest to me, and who, I began to think, might want some other +trifles besides a cloak. The girl come in at the minute. + +"Margaret," I said, "I have got you a warm gown and a good thick warm +cloak, to-day." + +"A cloak! Miss Daisy--" Margaret's lips just parted and showed the +white teeth between them. + +"Yes. I saw you were not warm in that thin shawl." + +"It's mighty cold up these ways!--" the girls shoulders drew together +with involuntary expression. + +"And now, Margaret, what other things do you want, to be nice and +comfortable? You must tell me now, because after I go to school I +cannot see you often, you know." + +"Reckon I find something to do at the school, Miss Daisy. Ain't there +servants?" + +"Yes, but I am afraid there may not be another wanted. What else ought +you to have, Margaret?" + +"Miss Daisy knows, I'll hire myself out, and reckon I'll get a right +smart chance of wages; and then, if Miss Daisy let me take some +change, I'd like to get some things--" + +"You may keep all your wages, Margaret," I said hastily; "you need not +bring them to me; but I want to know if you have all you need _now_, +to be nice and warm?" + +"'Spect I'd be better for some underclothes--" Margaret said, half +under her breath. + +Of course! I knew it the moment she said it. I knew the scanty coarse +supply which was furnished to the girls and women at Magnolia; I knew +that more was needed for neatness as well as for comfort, and +something different, now that she was where no evil distinction would +arise from her having it. I said I would get what she wanted; and went +back again to the parlour. I mused as I went. If I let Margaret keep +her wages--and I was very certain I could not receive them from her--I +must be prepared to answer it to my father. Perhaps,--yes, I felt sure +as I thought about it--I must contrive to save the amount of her wages +out of what was given to myself; or else my grant might be reversed +and my action disallowed, or at least greatly disapproved. And my +father had given me no right to dispose of Margaret's wages, or of +herself. + +So I came into the parlour. Dr. Sandford alone was there, lying on the +sofa. He jumped up immediately; pulled a great arm chair near to the +fire, and taking hold of me, put me into it. My purchases were lying +on the table, where they had been disapproved, but I knew what to +think of them now. I could look at them very contentedly. + +"How do they seem, Daisy?" said the doctor, stretching himself on the +cushions again, after asking my permission and pardon. + +"Very well,"--I said, smiling. + +"You are satisfied?" + +I said yes. + +"Daisy," said he, "you have conquered me to-day--I have yielded--I +owned myself conquered; but won't you enlighten me? As a matter of +favour?" + +"About what, Dr. Sandford?" + +"I don't understand you." + +I remember looking at him and smiling. It was so curious a thing, +both that he should, in his philosophy, be puzzled by a child like me, +and that he should care about undoing the puzzle. + +"There!" said he,--"that is my old little Daisy of ten years old. +Daisy, I used to think she was an extremely dainty and particular +little person." + +"Yes--" said I. + +"Was that correct?" + +"I don't know," said I. "I think it was." + +"Then Daisy, honestly--I am asking as a philosopher, and that means a +lover of knowledge, you know,--did you choose those articles to-day to +please yourself?" + +"In one way, I did," I answered. + +"Did they appear to you as they did to Mrs. Sandford,--at the time?" + +"Yes, Dr. Sandford." + +"So I thought. Then, Daisy, will you make me understand it? For I am +puzzled." + +I was sorry that he cared about the puzzle, for I did not want to go +into it. I was almost sure he would not make it out if I did. + +However, he lay there looking at me and waiting. + +"Those other things cost too much, Dr. Sandford--that was all." + +"There is the puzzle!" said the doctor. "You had the money in your +bank for them, and money for Margaret's things too, and more if you +wanted it; and no bottom to the bank at all, so far as I could see. +And you like pretty things, Daisy, and you did not choose them?" + +"No, sir." + +I hesitated, and he waited. How was I to tell him? He would simply +find it ridiculous. And then I thought--"If any of you suffer as a +Christian, let him not be ashamed." + +"I thought I should be comfortable in these things, Dr. Sandford," I +then said, glancing at the little chinchilla cap which lay on the +table;--"and respectable. And there were other people who needed all +the money the other things would have cost." + +"What other people?" said the doctor. "As I am your guardian, Daisy, +it is proper for me to ask, and not impertinent." + +I hesitated again. "I was thinking," I said, "of some of the people I +left at Magnolia." + +"Do you mean the servants?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"Daisy, they are cared for." + +I was silent. + +"What do you think they want?" + +"Some that are sick want comfort," I said, "and others who are not +sick want help; and others, I think, want a little pleasure." I would +fain not have spoken, but how could I help it? The doctor took his +feet off the sofa and sat up and confronted me. + +"In the meantime," he said, "you are to be 'comfortable and +respectable.' But, Daisy, do you think your father and mother would be +satisfied with such a statement of your condition?" + +"I suppose not," I was obliged to say. + +"Then do you think it proper for me to allow such to be the fact?" + +I looked at him. What there was in my look it is impossible for me to +say; but he laughed a little. + +"Yes," he said,--"I know--you have conquered me to-day. I own myself +conquered--but the question I ask you is whether I am justifiable." + +"I think that depends," I answered, "on whether _I_ am justifiable." + +"Can you justify yourself, Daisy?" he said, bringing his hand down +gently over my smooth hair and touching my cheek. It would have vexed +me from anybody else; it did not vex me from him. "Can you justify +yourself?" he repeated. + +"Yes, sir," I said; but I felt troubled. + +"Then do it." + +"Dr. Sandford, the Bible says, 'Whatsoever ye would that men should do +to you, do ye even so to them.'" + +"Well," said he, refusing to draw any conclusions for me. + +"I have more than I want, and they have not enough. I don't think I +ought to keep _more_ than I want." + +"But then arises the question," said he, "how much do you want? Where +is the line, beyond which you, or I, for instance, have too much?" + +"I was not speaking of anybody but myself," I said. + +"But a rule of action which is the right one for you, would be right +for everybody." + +"Yes, but everybody must apply it for himself," I said. "I was only +applying it for myself." + +"And applying it for yourself, Daisy, is it to cut off for the +future--or ought it--all elegance and beauty? Must you restrict +yourself to mere 'comfort and respectability'? Are furs and feathers, +for instance, wicked things?" + +He did not speak it mockingly; Dr. Sandford never could do an +ungentlemanly thing; he spoke kindly and with a little rallying smile +on his face. But I knew what he thought. + +"Dr. Sandford," said I, "suppose I was a fairy, and that I stripped +the gown off a poor woman's back to change it into a feather, and +stole away her blankets to make them into fur; what would you think of +fur and feathers then?" + +There came a curious lightning through the doctor's blue eyes. I did +not know in the least what it meant. + +"Do you mean to say, Daisy, that the poor people down yonder at +Magnolia want such things as gowns and blankets?" + +"Some do," I said. "You know, nobody is there, Dr. Sandford, to look +after them; and the overseer does not care. It would be different if +papa was at home." + +"I will never interfere with you any more, Daisy," said the +doctor,--"any further than by a little very judicious interference; +and you shall find in me the best helper I can be to all your plans. +You may use me--you have conquered me,"--said he, smiling, and laying +himself back on his cushions again. I was very glad it had ended so, +for I could hardly have withstood Dr. Sandford if he had taken a +different view of the matter. And his help, I knew, might be very good +in getting things sent to Magnolia. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +SCHOOL. + + +I had another time the next day between Mrs. Sandford and the +mantua-maker. The mantua-maker came to take orders about making my +school dress. + +"How will you have it trimmed?" she asked. "This sort of stuff will +make no sort of an appearance unless it is well trimmed. It wants +that. You might have a border of dark green leaves--dark green, like +the colour of this stripe--going round the skirt; that would have a +good effect; the leaves set in and edged with a very small red cord, +or green if you like it better. We trimmed a dress so last week, and +it made a very good appearance." + +"What do you say, Daisy?" + +"How much will it cost?" I asked. + +"Oh, the cost is not very much," said the milliner. "I suppose we +would do it for you, Mrs. Sandford, for twenty-five dollars." + +"That is too much," I said. + +"You wouldn't say so, if you knew the work it is to set those leaves +round," said the mantua-maker. "It takes hours and hours; and the +cording and all. And the silk you know, Mrs. Sandford, _that_ costs +nowadays. It takes a full yard of the silk, and no washy lining silk, +but good stiff dress silk. Some has 'em made of velvet, but to be +sure, that would not be suitable for a common stuff like this. It will +be very common, Mrs. Sandford, without you have it handsomely +trimmed." + +"Couldn't you put some other sort of trimming?" + +"Well, there's no other way that looks _distingue_ on this sort of +stuff; that's the most stylish. We could put a band of rows of black +velvet--an inch wide, or half an inch; if you have it narrower you +must put more of them; and then the sleeves and body to match; but I +don't think you would like it so well as the green leaves. A great +many people has 'em trimmed so; you like it a little out of the +common, Mrs. Sandford. Or, you could have a green ribbon." + +"How much would _that_ be?" said Mrs. Sandford. + +"Oh really, I don't just know," the woman answered; "depends on the +ribbon; it don't make much difference to you, Mrs. Sandford; it would +be--let me see, Oh, I suppose we could do it with velvet for you for +fifteen or twenty dollars. You see there must be buttons or rosettes +at the joinings of the velvets; and those come very expensive." + +"How much would it be to make the dress plain?" I asked. + +"_That_ would be plain," the mantua-maker answered quickly. "The style +is, to trim everything very much. Oh, that would be quite plain with +the velvet." + +"But without any trimming at all?" I asked. "How much would that be?" +I felt an odd sort of shame at pressing the question: yet I knew I +must. + +"Without trimming!" said the woman. "Oh, you could not have it +_without trimming_; there is nothing made without trimming; it would +have no appearance at all. People would think you had come out of the +country. No young ladies have their dresses made without trimming this +winter." + +"Mrs. Sandford," said I, "I should like to know what the dress would +be without trimming." + +"What would it be, Melinda?" The woman was only a forewoman at her +establishment. + +"Oh, well, Mrs. Sandford, the naked dress I have no doubt could be +made for you for five dollars." + +"You would not have it _so_, Daisy, my dear?" said Mrs. Sandford. + +But I said I would have it so. It cost me a little difficulty, and a +little shrinking, I remember, to choose this and to hold to it in the +face of the other two. It was the last battle of that campaign. I had +my way; but I wondered privately to myself whether I was going to look +very unlike the children of other ladies in my mother's position: and +whether such severity over myself was really needed. I turned the +question over again in my own room, and tried to find out why it +troubled me. I could not quite tell. Yet I thought, as I was doing +what I knew to be duty, I had no right to feel this trouble about it. +The trouble wore off before a little thought of my poor friends at +Magnolia. But the question came up again at dinner. + +"Daisy," said Mrs. Sandford, "did you ever have anything to do with +the Methodists?" + +"No, ma'am," I said, wondering. "What are the Methodists?" + +"I don't know, I am sure," she said, laughing, "only they are people +who sing hymns a great deal, and teach that nobody ought to wear gay +dresses." + +"Why?" I asked. + +"I can't say. I believe they hold that the Bible forbids ornamenting +ourselves." + +I wondered if it did; and determined I would look. And I thought the +Methodists must be nice people. + +"What is on the carpet now?" said the doctor. "Singing or dressing? +You are attacking Daisy, I see, on some score." + +"She won't have her dress trimmed," said Mrs. Sandford. + +The doctor turned round to me, with a wonderful genial pleasant +expression of his fine face; and his blue eye, that I always liked to +meet full, going through me with a sort of soft power. He was not +smiling, yet his look made me smile. + +"Daisy," said he, "are you going to make yourself unlike other +people?" + +"Only my dress, Dr. Sandford," I said. + +"L'habit, c'est l'homme!--" he answered gravely, shaking his head. + +I remembered his question and words many times in the course of the +next six months. + +In a day or two more my dress was done, and Dr. Sandford went with me +to introduce me at the school. He had already made the necessary +arrangements. It was a large establishment, reckoned the most +fashionable, and at the same time one of the most thorough, in the +city; the house, or houses, standing in one of the broad clear +Avenues, where the streams of human life that went up and down were +all of the sort that wore trimmed dresses and rolled about in handsome +carriages. Just in the centre and height of the thoroughfare Mme. +Ricard's establishment looked over it. We went in at a stately +doorway, and were shown into a very elegant parlour; where at a grand +piano a young lady was taking a music lesson. The noise was very +disagreeable; but that was the only disagreeable thing in the place. +Pictures were on the walls, a soft carpet on the floor; the colours of +carpet and furniture were dark and rich; books and trinkets and +engravings in profusion gave the look of cultivated life and the ease +of plenty. It was not what I had expected; nor was Mme. Ricard, who +came in noiselessly and stood before us while I was considering the +wonderful moustache of the music teacher. I saw a rather short, grave +person, very plainly dressed--but indeed I never thought of the dress +she wore. The quiet composure of the figure was what attracted me, and +the peculiar expression of the face. It was sad, almost severe; so I +thought it at first; till a smile once for an instant broke upon the +lips, like a flitting sunbeam out of a cloudy sky; then I saw that +kindliness was quite at home there, and sympathy and a sense of +merriment were not wanting; but the clouds closed again, and the look +of care, of sorrow, I could not quite tell what it was, only that it +was _unrest_, retook its place on brow and lip. The eye, I think, +never lost it. Yet it was a searching and commanding eye; I was sure +it knew how to rule. + +The introduction was soon made, and Dr. Sandford bid me good-bye. I +felt as if my best friend was leaving me; the only one I had trusted +in since my father and mother had gone away. I said nothing, but +perhaps my face showed my thought, for he stooped and kissed me. + +"Good-bye, Daisy. Remember, I shall expect a letter every fortnight." + +He had ordered me before to write to him as often as that, and give +him a minute account of myself; how many studies I was pursuing, how +many hours I gave to them each day, what exercise I took, and what +amusement; and how I throve withal. Mme. Ricard had offered to show me +my room, and we were mounting the long stairs while I thought this +over. + +"Is Dr. Sandford your cousin, Miss Randolph?" was the question which +came in upon my thoughts. + +"No, ma'am," I answered in extreme surprise. + +"Is he any relation to you?" + +"He is my guardian." + +"I think Dr. Sandford told me that your father and mother are abroad?" + +"Yes, ma'am; and Dr. Sandford is my guardian." + +We had climbed two flights of stairs, and I was panting. As we went +up, I had noticed a little unusual murmur of noises, which told me I +was in a new world. Little indistinguishable noises, the stir and hum +of the busy hive into which I had entered. Now and then a door had +opened, and a head or a figure came out; but as instantly went back +again on seeing Madame, and the door was softly closed. We reached the +third floor. There a young lady appeared at the further end of the +gallery, and curtseyed to my conductress. + +"Miss Bentley," said Madame, "this is your new companion, Miss +Randolph. Will you be so good as to show Miss Randolph her room?" + +Madame turned and left us, and the young lady led me into the room she +had just quitted. A large room, light and bright, and pleasantly +furnished; but the one thing that struck my unaccustomed eyes was the +evidence of fulness of occupation. One bed stood opposite the +fireplace; another across the head of that, between it and one of the +windows; a third was between the doors on the inner side of the room. +Moreover, the first and the last of these were furnished with two +pillows each. I did not in the moment use my arithmetic; but the +feeling which instantly pressed upon me was that of want of breath. + +"This is the bed prepared for you, I believe," said my companion +civilly, pointing to the third one before the window. "There isn't +room for anybody to turn round here now." + +I began mechanically to take off my cap and gloves, looking hard at +the little bed, and wondering what other rights of possession were to +be given me in this place. I saw a washstand in one window and a large +mahogany wardrobe on one side of the fireplace; a dressing table or +chest of drawers between the windows. Everything was handsome and +nice; everything was in the neatest order; but--where were my clothes +to go? Before I had made up my mind to ask, there came a rush into the +room; I supposed, of the other inmates. One was a very large, fat, +dull-faced girl; I should have thought her a young woman, only that +she was here in a school. Another, bright and pretty, and very +good-humoured if there was any truth in her smiling black eyes, was +much slighter and somewhat younger; a year or two in advance of +myself. The third was a girl about my own age, shorter and smaller +than I, with also a pretty face, but an eye that I was not so sure of. +She was the last one to come in, and she immediately stopped and +looked at me; I thought, with no pleasure. + +"This is Miss Randolph, girls," said Miss Bentley. "Miss Randolph, +Miss Macy." + +I curtseyed to the fat girl, who gave me a little nod. + +"I am glad she isn't as big as I am," was her comment on the +introduction. I was glad, too. + +"Miss Lansing--" + +This was bright-eyes, who bowed and smiled--she always smiled--and +said, "How do you do?" Then rushed off to a drawer in search of +something. + +"Miss St. Clair, will you come and be introduced to Miss Randolph?" + +The St. Clair walked up demurely and took my hand. Her words were in +abrupt contrast. "Where are her things going, Miss Bentley?" I +wondered that pretty lips could be so ungracious. It was not temper +which appeared on them, but cool rudeness. + +"Madame said we must make some room for her," Miss Bentley answered. + +"I don't know where," remarked Miss Macy. "_I_ have not two inches." + +"She can't have a peg nor a drawer of mine," said the St. Clair. +"Don't you put her there, Bentley." And the young lady left us with +that. + +"We must manage it somehow," said Miss Bentley. "Lansing, look here, +can't you take your things out of this drawer? Miss Randolph has no +place to lay anything. She _must_ have a little place, you know." + +Lansing looked up with a perplexed face, and Miss Macy remarked that +nobody had a bit of room to lay anything. + +"I am very sorry," I said. + +"It is no use being sorry, child," said Miss Macy; "we have got to fix +it, somehow. I know who _ought_ to be sorry. Here--I can take this +pile of things out of this drawer; that is all _I_ can do. Can't she +manage with this half?" + +But Miss Lansing came and made her arrangements, and then it was found +that the smallest of the four drawers was cleared and ready for my +occupation. + +"But if we give you a whole drawer," said Miss Macy, "you must be +content with one peg in the wardrobe--will you?" + +"Oh, and she can have one or two hooks in the closet," said +bright-eyes. "Come here, Miss Randolph, I will show you." + +And there in the closet I found was another place for washing, with +cocks for hot and cold water; and a press and plenty of iron hooks; +with dresses and hats hanging on them. Miss Lansing moved and changed +several of these, till she had cleared a space for me. + +"There," she said, "now you'll do, won't you? I don't believe you can +get a scrape of a corner in the wardrobe; Macy and Bentley and St. +Clair take it up so. _I_ haven't but one dress hanging there, but +you've got a whole drawer in the bureau." + +I was not very awkward and clumsy in my belongings, but an elephant +could scarcely have been more bewildered if he had been requested to +lay his proboscis up in a glove box. "I cannot put a dress in the +drawer," I remarked. + +"Oh, you can hang one up here under your cap; and that is all any of +us do. Our things, all except our everyday things, go down stairs in +our trunks. Have you many trunks?" + +I told her no, only one. I did not know why it was a little +disagreeable to me to say that. The feeling came and passed. I hung up +my coat and cap, and brushed my hair; my new companion looking on. +Without any remark, however, she presently rushed off, and I was left +alone. I began to appreciate that. I sat down on the side of my little +bed; to my fancy the very chairs were appropriated; and looked at my +new place in the world. + +Five of us in that room! I had always had the comfort of great space +and ample conveniences about me; was it a _luxury_ I had enjoyed? It +had seemed nothing more than a necessity. And now must I dress and +undress myself before so many spectators? could I not lock up anything +that belonged to me? were all my nice and particular habits to be +crushed into one drawer and smothered on one or two clothes-pins? Must +everything I did be seen? And, above all, where could I pray? I looked +round in a sort of fright. There was but one closet in the room, and +that was a washing closet, and held besides a great quantity of other +people's belongings. I could not, even for a moment, shut it against +them. In a kind of terror, I looked to make sure that I was alone, and +fell on my knees. It seemed to me that all I could do was to pray +every minute that I should have to myself. They would surely be none +too many. Then, hearing a footstep somewhere, I rose again and took +from my bag my dear little book. It was so small I could carry it +where I had not room for my Bible. I looked for the page of the day, I +remember now, with my eyes full of tears. + +"Be watchful," were the first words that met me. Aye, I was sure I +would need it; but how was a watch to be kept up, if I could never be +alone to take counsel with myself? I did not see it; this was another +matter from Miss Pinshon's unlocked door. After all, that unlocked +door had not greatly troubled me; my room had not been of late often +invaded. Now I had no room. What more would my dear little book say to +me? + +"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring +lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour." + +Was the battle to go so hard against me? and what should I do without +that old and well-tried weapon of "all-prayer?" Nothing; I should be +conquered. I must have and keep that, I resolved; if I lay awake and +got up at night to use it. Dr. Sandford would not like such a +proceeding; but there were worse dangers than the danger of lessened +health. I _would_ pray; but what next? + +"Take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently."--"What I say +unto you I say unto all, Watch." + +I stood by the side of my bed, dashing the tears from my eyes. Then I +heard, as I thought, some one coming, and in haste looked to see what +else might be on the page: what further message or warning. And +something like a sunbeam of healing flashed into my heart with the +next words. + +"Fear thou not: for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God; +I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee +with the right hand of my righteousness." + +"I, the Lord thy God, will hold thy right hand." + +I was healed. I put up my little book in my bag again, feeling whole +and sound. It did not matter that I was crowded and hindered and +watched; for it was written also, "He preserveth the way of his +saints;" and I was safe. + +I sat a little while longer alone. Then came a rush and rustle of many +feet upon the stairs, many dresses moving, many voices blending in a +soft little roar; as ominous as the roar of the sea which one hears in +a shell. My four room-mates poured into the room, accompanied by two +others; very busy and eager about their affairs that they were +discussing. Meanwhile they all began to put themselves in order. + +"The bell will ring for tea directly," said Miss Macy, addressing +herself to me; "are you ready?" + +"'Tisn't much trouble to fix _her_ hair," said my friend with the +black eyes. + +Six pair of eyes for a moment were turned upon me. + +"You are too old to have your hair so," remarked Miss Bentley. "You +ought to let it grow." + +"Why don't you?" said Miss Lansing. + +"She is a Roundhead," said the St. Clair, brushing her own curls; +which were beautiful and crinkled all over her head, while my hair was +straight. "I don't suppose she ever saw a Cavalier before." + +"St. Clair, you are too bad!" said Miss Macy. "Miss Randolph is a +stranger." + +St. Clair made no answer, but finished her hair and ran off; and +presently the others filed off after her; and a loud clanging bell +giving the signal, I thought best to go too. Every room was pouring +forth its inmates; the halls and passages were all alive and astir. In +the train of the moving crowd, I had no difficulty to find my way to +the place of gathering. + +This was the school parlour; not the one where I had seen Mme. Ricard. +Parlours, rather; there was a suite of them, three deep; for this part +of the house had a building added in the rear. The rooms were large +and handsome; not like school rooms, I thought; and yet very different +from my home; for they were bare. Carpets and curtains, sofas and +chairs and tables were in them, to be sure; and even pictures; yet +they were bare; for books and matters of art and little social +luxuries were wanting, such as I had all my life been accustomed to, +and such as filled Mme. Ricard's own rooms. However, this first +evening I could hardly see how the rooms looked, for the lining of +humanity which ran round all the walls. There was a shimmer as of +every colour in the rainbow; and a buzz that could only come from a +hive full. I, who had lived all my life where people spoke softly, and +where many never spoke together, was bewildered. + +The buzz hushed suddenly, and I saw Mme. Ricard's figure going slowly +down the rooms. She was in the uttermost contrast to all her +household. Ladylike always, and always dignified, her style was her +own, and I am sure that nobody ever felt that she had not enough. Yet +Mme. Ricard had nothing about her that was conformed to the fashions +of the day. Her dress was of a soft kind of serge, which fell around +her or swept across the rooms in noiseless yielding folds. Hoops were +the fashion of the day; but Mme. Ricard wore no hoops; she went with +ease and silence where others went with a rustle and a warning to +clear the way. The back of her head was covered with a little cap as +plain as a nun's cap; and I never saw an ornament about her. Yet +criticism never touched Mme. Ricard. Not even the criticism of a set +of school-girls; and I had soon to learn that there is none more +relentless. + +The tea-table was set in the further room of the three. Mme. Ricard +passed down to that. Presently I heard her low voice saying, "Miss +Randolph." Low as it always was, it was always heard. I made my way +down through the rooms to her presence; and there I was introduced to +the various teachers. Mademoiselle Genevieve, Miss Babbitt, Mme. +Jupon, and Miss Dumps. I could not examine them just then. I felt I +was on exhibition myself. + +"Is Miss Randolph to come to me, Madame?" the first of these ladies +asked. She was young, bright, black-eyed, and full of energy; I saw so +much. + +"I fancy she will come to all of you," said Madame. "Except Miss +Babbitt. You can write and read, I dare say, Miss Randolph?" she went +on with a smile. I answered of course. + +"What have been your principal studies for the past year?" + +I said mathematics, astronomy, and philosophy and history. + +"Then she is mine!" exclaimed Mlle. Genevieve. + +"She is older than she looks," said Miss Babbitt. + +"Her hair is young, but her eyes are not," said the former speaker, +who was a lively lady. + +"French have you studied?" Madame went on. + +"Not so much," I said. + +"Mme. Jupon will want you." + +"I am sure she is a good child," said Mme. Jupon, who was a +good-natured, plain-looking Frenchwoman, without a particle of a +Frenchwoman's grace or address. "I will be charmed to have her." + +"You may go back to your place, Miss Randolph," said my mistress. "We +will arrange all the rest to-morrow." + +"Shall I go back with you?" asked Mlle. Genevieve. "Do you mind going +alone?" + +She spoke very kindly, but I was at a loss for her meaning. I saw the +kindness; why it showed itself in such an offer I could not imagine. + +"I am very much obliged to you, ma'am," I began, when a little burst +of laughter stopped me. It came from all the teachers; even Mme. +Ricard was smiling. + +"You are out for once, Genevieve," she said. + +"La charmante!" said Mme. Jupon. "Voyez l'a plomb!" + +"No, you don't want me," said Mlle. Genevieve, nodding. "Go--you'll +do." + +I went back to the upper room and presently tea was served. I sat +alone; there was nobody near me who knew me; I had nothing to do while +munching my bread and butter but to examine the new scene. There was a +great deal to move my curiosity. In the first place, I was surprised +to see the rooms gay with fine dresses. I had come from the quiet of +Magnolia, and accustomed to the simplicity of my mother's taste; which +if it sometimes adorned me, did it always in subdued fashion, and +never flaunted either its wealth or beauty. But on every side of me I +beheld startling costumes; dresses that explained my mantua-maker's +eagerness about velvet and green leaves. I saw that she was right; her +trimmings would have been "quiet" here. Opposite me was a brown +merino, bordered with blocks of blue silk running round the skirt. +Near it was a dress of brilliant red picked out with black cord and +heavy with large black buttons. Then a black dress caught my eye which +had an embattled trimming of black and gold, continued round the waist +and completed with a large gold buckle. Then there was a grey cashmere +with red stars; and a bronze-coloured silk with black velvet a quarter +of a yard wide let into the skirt; the body all of black velvet. I +could go on if my memory would serve me. The rooms were full of this +sort of thing. Yet more than the dresses the heads surprised me. Just +at that time the style of hair dressing was one of those styles which +are endurable, and perhaps even very beautiful, in the hands of a +first-rate artist and on the heads of those very few women who dress +well; but which are more and more hideous the farther you get from +that distant pinnacle of the mode, and the lower down they spread +among the ranks of society. I thought, as I looked from one to +another, I had never seen anything so ill in taste, so outraged in +style, so unspeakable in ugliness as well as in pretension. I supposed +then it was the fashion principally which was to blame. Since then, I +have seen the same fashion on one of those heads that never wear +anything but in good style. It gathered a great wealth of rich hair +into a mass at the back of the head, yet leaving the top and front of +the hair in soft waves; and the bound up mass behind was loose and +soft and flowed naturally from the head, it had no hard outline nor +regular shape; it was nature's luxuriance just held in there from +bursting down over neck and shoulders; and hardly that, for some locks +were almost escaping. The whole was to the utmost simple, natural, +graceful, rich. But these caricatures! All that they knew was to mass +the hair at the back of the head; and that fact was attained. But some +looked as if they had a hard round cannon-ball fastened there; others +suggested a stuffed pincushion, ready for pins; others had a +mortar-shell in place of a cannon-ball, the size was so enormous; in +nearly all, the hair was strained tight over or under something; in +not one was there an effect which the originator of the fashion would +not have abhorred. Girlish grace was nowhere to be seen, either in +heads or persons; girlish simplicity had no place. It was a school: +but the company looked fitter for the stiff assemblages of ceremony +that should be twenty years later in their lives. + +My heart grew very blank. I felt unspeakably alone; not merely because +there was nobody there whom I knew, but because there was nobody whom +it seemed to me I ever should know. I took my tea and bits of bread +and butter, feeling forlorn. A year in that place seemed to me longer +than I could bear. I had exchanged my King Log for King Stork. + +It was some relief when after tea we were separated into other rooms +and sat down to study. But I dreamed over my book. I wondered how +heads could study that had so much trouble on the outside. I wandered +over the seas to that spot somewhere that was marked by the ship that +carried my father and mother. Only now going out towards China; and +how long months might pass before China would be done with and the +ship be bearing them back again. The lesson given me that night was +not difficult enough to bind my attention; and my heart grew very +heavy. So heavy, that I felt I _must_ find help somewhere. And when +one's need is so shut in, then it looks in the right quarter--the only +one left open. + +My little book was upstairs in my bag: but my thoughts flew to my page +of that day and the "Fear thou not, for I am with thee." Nobody knows, +who has not wanted them, how good those words are. Nobody else can +understand how sweet they were to me. I lost for a little all sight of +the study table and the faces round it. I just remembered who was WITH ME; +in the freedom and joy of that presence both fears and loneliness seemed +to fade away. "I, the Lord, will hold thy right hand." Yes, and I, a weak +little child, put my hand in the hand of my great Leader, and felt safe +and strong. + +I found very soon I had enemies to meet that I had not yet reckoned +with. The night passed peacefully enough; and the next day I was put +in the schoolroom and found my place in the various classes. The +schoolrooms were large and pleasant; large they had need to be, for +the number of day scholars who attended in them was very great. They +were many as well as spacious; different ages being parted off from +each other. Besides the schoolrooms proper, there were rooms for +recitation, where the classes met their teachers; so we had the change +and variety of moving from one part of the house to another. We met +Mlle. Genevieve in one room, for mathematics and Italian; Mme. Jupon +in another, for French. Miss Dumps seized us in another, for writing +and geography, and made the most of us; she was a severe little +person in her teaching and in her discipline; but she was good. We +called her Miss Maria, in general. Miss Babbitt had the history; and +she did nothing to make it intelligible or interesting. My best +historical times thus far, by much, had been over my clay map and my +red and black headed pins, studying the changes of England and her +people. But Mlle. Genevieve put a new life into mathematics. I could +never love the study; but she made it a great deal better than Miss +Pinshon made it. Indeed, I believe that to learn anything under Mlle. +Genevieve would have been pleasant. She had so much fire and energy; +she taught with such a will; her black eyes were so keen both for her +pupils and her subject. One never thought of the discipline in Mlle. +Genevieve's room, but only of the study. I was young to be there, in +the class where she put me; but my training had fitted me for it. With +Mme. Jupon also I had an easy time. She was good-nature itself, and +from the first showed a particular favour and liking for me. And as I +had no sort of wish to break rules, with Miss Maria too I got on well. +It was out of school and out of study hours that my difficulties came +upon me. + +For a day or two I did not meet them. I was busy with the school +routine, and beginning already to take pleasure in it. Knowledge was +to be had here; lay waiting to be gathered up; and that gathering I +always enjoyed. Miss Pinshon had kept me on short allowance. It was +the third or fourth day after my arrival, that going up after dinner +to get ready for a walk I missed my chinchilla cap from its peg. I +sought for it in vain. + +"Come, Daisy," said Miss Lansing, "make haste. Babbitt will be after +you directly if you aren't ready. Put on your cap." + +"I can't find it," I said. "I left it here, in its place, but I can't +find it." + +There was a burst of laughter from three of my room-mates, as Miss St. +Clair danced out from the closet with the cap on her own brows; and +then with a caper of agility, taking it off, flung it up to the +chandelier, where it hung on one of the burners. + +"For shame, Faustina, that's too bad. How can she get it?" said Miss +Bentley. + +"I don't want her to get it," said the St. Clair coolly. + +"Then how can she go to walk?" + +"I don't want her to go to walk." + +"Faustina, that isn't right. Miss Randolph is a stranger; you +shouldn't play tricks on her." + +"Roundheads were always revolutionists," said the girl recklessly. "_A +la lanterne!_ Heads or hats--it don't signify which. That is an +example of what our Madame calls 'symbolism.'" + +"Hush--sh! Madame would call it something else. Now how are we going +to get the cap down?" + +For the lamp hung high, having been pushed up out of reach for the +day. The St. Clair ran off, and Miss Macy followed; but the two others +consulted, and Lansing ran down to waylay the chambermaid and beg a +broom. By the help of the broom handle my cap was at length dislodged +from its perch, and restored to me. But I was angry. I felt the fiery +current running through my veins; and the unspeakable saucy glance of +St. Clair's eye, as I passed her to take my place in the procession, +threw fuel on the fire. I think for years I had not been angry in such +a fashion. The indignation I had at different times felt against the +overseer at Magnolia was a justifiable thing. Now I was angry and +piqued. The feeling was new to me. I had been without it very long. I +swallowed the ground with my feet during my walk; but before the walk +came to an end the question began to come up in my mind, what was the +matter? and whether I did well? These sprinklings of water on the +flame I think made it leap into new life at first; but as they came +and came again, I had more to think about than St. Clair when I got +back to the house. Yes, and as we were all taking off our things +together I was conscious that I shunned her; that the sight of her was +disagreeable; and that I would have liked to visit some gentle +punishment upon her careless head. The bustle of business swallowed up +the feeling for the rest of the time till we went to bed. + +But then it rose very fresh, and I began to question myself about it +in the silence and darkness. Finding myself inclined to justify +myself, I bethought me to try this new feeling by some of the words I +had been studying in my little book for a few days past. "The entrance +of thy words giveth light"--was the leading text for the day that had +just gone; now I thought I would try it in my difficulty. The very +next words on the page I remembered were these--"God is light, and in +him is no darkness at all." + +It came into my mind as soon, that this feeling of anger and +resentment which troubled me had to do with darkness, not with the +light. In vain I reasoned to prove the contrary; I _felt_ dark. I +could not look up to that clear white light where God dwells, and feel +at all that I was "walking in the light as he is in the light." +Clearly Daisy Randolph was out of the way. And I went on with +bitterness of heart to the next words--"Ye _were_ sometime darkness, +but now are ye light in the Lord; walk as children of light." + +And what then? was I to pass by quietly the insolence of St. Clair? was I +to take it quite quietly, and give no sign even of annoyance? take no +means of showing my displeasure, or of putting a stop to the naughtiness +that called it forth? My mind put these questions impatiently, and still, +as it did so, an answer came from somewhere,--"Walk as children of +light." I _knew_ that children of light would reprove darkness only with +light; and a struggle began. Other words came into my head then, which +made the matter only clearer. "If any man smite thee on the one cheek, +turn to him the other." "Love your enemies." Ah, but how could I? with +what should I put out this fire kindled in my heart, which seemed only to +burn the fiercer whatever I threw upon it? And then other words came +still sweeping upon me with their sweetness, and I remembered who had +said, "I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee." I softly got out +of bed, wrapped the coverlid round me, and knelt down to pray. For I had +no time to lose. To-morrow I must meet my little companion, and to-morrow +I _must_ be ready to walk as a child of light, and to-night the fires of +darkness were burning in my heart. I was long on my knees. I remember, in +a kind of despair at last I flung myself on the word of Jesus, and cried +to Him as Peter did when he saw the wind boisterous. I remember how the +fire died out in my heart, till the very coals were dead; and how the day +and the sunlight came stealing in, till it was all sunshine. I gave my +thanks, and got into bed, and slept without a break the rest of the night. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + +A PLACE IN THE WORLD. + + +I was an humbler child when I got out of bed the next morning, I +think, than ever I had been in my life before. But I had another +lesson to learn. + +I was not angry any more at Miss St. Clair. That was gone. Even when +she did one or two other mischievous things to me, the rising feeling +of offence was quickly got under; and I lived in great charity with +her. My new lesson was of another sort. + +Two or three days passed, and then came Sunday. It was never a +comfortable day at Mme. Ricard's. We all went to church of course, +under the care of one or other of the teachers; and we had our choice +where to go. Miss Babbitt went to a Presbyterian church. Miss Maria to +a high Episcopal. Mme. Jupon attended a little French Protestant +chapel; and Mlle. Genevieve and Mme. Ricard went to the Catholic +church. The first Sunday I had gone with them, not knowing at all +whither. I found that would not do; and since then I had tried the +other parties. But I was in a strait; for Miss Maria's church seemed +to me a faded image of Mlle. Genevieve's; the Presbyterian church +which Miss Babbitt went to was stiff and dull; I was not at home in +either of them, and could not understand or enjoy what was spoken. The +very music had an air of incipient petrification, if I can speak so +about sounds. At the little French chapel I could as little comprehend +the words that were uttered. But in the pulpit there was a man with a +shining face; a face full of love and truth and earnestness. He spoke +out of his heart, and no set words; and the singing was simple and +sweet and the hymns beautiful. I could understand them, for I had the +hymn-book in my hands. Also I had the French Bible, and Mme. Jupon, +delighted to have me with her, assured me that if I listened I would +very soon begin to understand the minister's preaching just as well as +if it were English. So I went with Mme. Jupon, and thereby lost some +part of Mlle. Genevieve's favour; but that I did not understand till +afterwards. + +We had all been to church as usual, this Sunday, and we were taking +off our hats and things upstairs, after the second service. My simple +toilet was soon made; and I sat upon the side of my little bed, +watching those of my companions. They were a contrast to mine. The +utmost that money could do, to bring girls into the fashion, was done +for these girls; for the patrons of Mme. Ricard's establishment were +nearly all rich. + +Costly coats and cloaks, heavily trimmed, were surmounted with every +variety of showy head-gear, in every variety of unsuitableness. To +study bad taste, one would want no better field than the heads of Mme. +Ricard's seventy boarders dressed for church. Not that the articles +which were worn on the heads were always bad; some of them came from +irreproachable workshops; but there was everywhere the bad taste of +overdressing, and nowhere the tact of appropriation. The hats were +all on the wrong heads. Everybody was a testimony of what money can do +without art. I sat on my little bed, vaguely speculating on all this +as I watched my companions disrobing; at intervals humming the sweet +French melody to which the last hymn had been sung; when St. Clair +paused in her talk and threw a glance in my direction. It lighted on +my plain plaid frock and undressed hair. + +"Don't you come from the country, Miss Randolph?" she said, insolently +enough. + +I answered yes. And I remembered what my mantua-maker had said. + +"Did you have that dress made there?" + +"For shame, St. Clair!" said Miss Bentley; "let Miss Randolph alone. I +am sure her dress is very neat." + +"I wonder if women don't wear long hair where she came from?" said the +girl, turning away from me again. The others laughed. + +I was as little pleased at that moment with the defence as with the +attack. The instant thought in my mind was, that Miss Bentley knew no +more how to conduct the one than Miss St. Clair to make the other; if +the latter had no civility, the first had no style. Now the St. Clair +was one of the best dressed girls in school and came from one of the +most important families. I thought, if she knew where I came from, and +who my mother was, she would change her tone. Nevertheless, I wished +mamma would order me to let my hair grow, and I began to think whether +I might not do it without order. And I thought also that the spring +was advancing, and warm weather would soon be upon us; and that these +girls would change their talk and their opinion about me when they +saw my summer frocks. There was nothing like _them_ in all the school. +I ran over in my mind their various elegance, of texture and lace, and +fine embroidery, and graceful, simple drapery. And also I thought, if +these girls could see Magnolia, its magnificent oaks, and its acres of +timber, and its sweeps of rich fields, and its troops of servants, +their minds would be enlightened as to me and my belongings. + +These meditations were a mixture of comfort and discomfort to me; but +on the whole I was not comfortable. This process of comparing myself +with my neighbours, I was not accustomed to; and even though its +results were so favourable, I did not like it. Neither did I quite +relish living under a cloud; and my eyes being a little sharpened now, +I could see that not by my young companions alone, but by every one of +the four teachers, I was looked upon as a harmless little girl whose +mother knew nothing about the fashionable world. I do not think that +anything in my manner showed either my pique or my disdain; I believe +I went out of doors just as usual; but these things were often in my +thoughts, and taking by degrees more room in them. + +It was not till the Sunday came round again, that I got any more +light. The afternoon service was over; we had come home and laid off +our bonnets and cloaks; for though we were in April it was cold and +windy; and my schoolfellows had all gone downstairs to the parlour, +where they had the privilege of doing what they pleased before tea. I +was left alone. It was almost my only time for being alone in the +whole week. I had an hour then; and I used to spend it in my bedroom +with my Bible. To-day I was reading the first epistle of John, which I +was very fond of; and as my custom was, not reading merely, but +pondering and praying over the words verse by verse. So I found that +I understood them better and enjoyed them a great deal more. I came to +these words,-- + +"Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we +should be called the sons of God; therefore the world knoweth us not, +because it knew him not." + +I had dwelt sometime upon the first part of the verse, forgetting all my +discomforts of the week past; and came in due course to the next words. I +never shall forget how they swept in upon. "_The world knoweth us +not._"--What did that mean? "Because it knew him not." How did it not +know Him; He was in the midst of men; He lived no hidden life; the world +knew Him well enough as a benefactor, a teacher, a reprover; in what +sense did it _not_ know Him? And I remembered, it did not know Him as one +of its own party. He was "this fellow,"--and "the deceiver;"--"the +Nazarene;" "they called the master of the house Beelzebub." And so the +world knoweth _us_ not; and I knew well enough why; because we must be +like Him. And then, I found an unwillingness in myself to have these +words true of me. I had been very satisfied under the slighting tones and +looks of the little world around me, thinking that they were mistaken and +would by and by know it; they would know that in all that they held so +dear, of grace and fashion and elegance and distinguished appearance, my +mother, and of course I, were not only their match but above them. Now, +must I be content to have them never know it? But, I thought, I could not +help their seeing the fact; if I dressed as my mother's child was +accustomed to dress, they would know what sphere of life I belonged to. +And then the words bore down upon me again, with their uncompromising +distinctness,--"_the world knoweth us not_." I saw it was a mark and +character of those that belonged to Christ. I saw that, if I belonged to +Him, the world must not know me. The conclusion was very plain. And to +secure the conclusion, the way was very plain too; I must simply not be +like the world. I must not be of the world; and I must let it be known +that I was not. + +Face to face with the issue, I started back. For not to be of the +world, meant, not to follow their ways. I did not want to follow some +of their ways; I had no desire to break the Sabbath, for example; but +I did like to wear pretty and elegant and expensive things, and +fashionable things. It is very true, I had just denied myself this +pleasure, and bought a plain dress and coat that did not charm me; but +that was in favour of Margaret and to save money for her. And I had no +objection to do the same thing again and again, for the same motive; +and to deny myself to the end of the chapter, so long as others were +in need. But that was another matter from shaking hands with the world +at once, and being willing that for all my life it should never know +me as one of those whom it honoured. Never _know_ me, in fact. I must +be something out of the world's consciousness, and of no importance to +it. And to begin with, I must never try to enlighten my schoolfellows' +eyes about myself. Let them think that Daisy Randolph came from +somewhere in the country and was accustomed to wear no better dresses +in ordinary than her school plaid. Let them never be aware that I had +ponies and servants and lands and treasures. Nay, the force of the +words I had read went farther than that. I felt it, down in my heart. +Not only I must take no measures to proclaim my title to the world's +regard; but I must be such and so unlike it in my whole way of life, +dress and all, that the world would not wish to recognize me, nor have +anything to do with me. + +I counted the cost now, and it seemed heavy. There was Miss Bentley, +with her clumsy finery, put on as it were one dollar above the other. +She patronized me, as a little country-girl who knew nothing. Must I +not undeceive her? There was Faustina St. Clair, really of a good +family, and insolent on the strength of it; must I never let her know +that mine was as good and that my mother had as much knowledge of the +proprieties and elegances of life as ever hers had? These girls and +plenty of the others looked down upon me as something inferior; not +belonging to their part of society; must I be content henceforth to +live so simply that these and others who judge by the outside would +never be any wiser as to what I really was? Something in me rebelled. +Yet the words I had been reading were final and absolute. "The world +knoweth us _not_;" and "us," I knew meant the little band in whose +hearts Christ is king. Surely I was one of them. But I was unwilling +to slip out of the world's view and be seen by it no more. I +struggled. + +It was something very new in my experience. I had certainly felt +struggles of duty in other times, but they had never lasted long. This +lasted. With an eye made keen by conscience, I looked now in my +reading to see what else I might find that would throw light on the +matter and perhaps soften off the uncompromising decision of the words +of St John. By and by I came to these words-- + +"If ye were of the world, the world would love his own. But because ye +are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, +_therefore the world hateth you_." + +I shut the book. The issue could not be more plainly set forth. I must +choose between the one party and the other. Nay, I had chosen;--but I +must agree to belong but to one. + +Would anybody say that a child could not have such a struggle? that +fourteen years do not know yet what "the world" means? Alas, it is a +relative term; and a child's "world" may be as mighty for her to face, +as any other she will ever know. I think I never found any more +formidable. Moreover, it is less unlike the big world than some would +suppose. + +On the corner of the street, just opposite to our windows, stood a +large handsome house which we always noticed for its flowers. The +house stood in a little green courtyard exquisitely kept, which at one +side and behind gave room for several patches of flower beds, at this +time filled with bulbous plants. I always lingered as much as I could +in passing the iron railings, to have a peep at the beauty within. The +grass was now of a delicious green, and the tulips and hyacinths and +crocuses were in full bloom, in their different oval-shaped beds, +framed in with the green. Besides these, from the windows of a +greenhouse that stretched back along the street, there looked over a +brilliant array of other beauty; I could not tell what; great bunches +of scarlet and tufts of white and gleamings of yellow, that made me +long to be there. + +"Who lives in that house?" Miss Bentley asked one evening. It was the +hour before tea, and we were all at our room windows gazing down into +the avenue. + +"Why, don't you know?" said slow Miss Macy. "That's Miss Cardigan's +house." + +"I wonder who she is?" said Miss Lansing. "It isn't a New York name." + +"Yes, it is," said Macy. "She's lived there for ever. She used to be +there, and her flowers, when I was four years old." + +"I guess she isn't anybody, is she?" said Miss Bentley. "I never see +any carriages at the door. Hasn't she a carriage of her own, I wonder, +or how does she travel? Such a house ought to have a carriage." + +"I'll tell you," said the St. Clair, coolly as usual. "She goes out in +a wagon with an awning to it. _She_ don't know anything about +carriages." + +"But she must have money, you know," urged Miss Bentley. "She couldn't +keep up that house, and the flowers, and the greenhouse and all, +without money." + +"She's got money," said the St. Clair. "Her mother made it selling +cabbages in the market. Very likely she sold flowers too." + +There was a general exclamation and laughter at what was supposed to +be one of St. Clair's flights of mischief; but the young lady stood +her ground calmly, and insisted that it was a thing well known. "My +grandmother used to buy vegetables from old Mrs. Cardigan when we +lived in Broadway," she said. "It's quite true. That's why she knows +nothing about carriages." + +"That sort of thing don't hinder other people from having carriages," +said Miss Lansing. "There's Mr. Mason, next door to Miss Cardigan,--his +father was a tailor; and the Steppes, two doors off, do you know what +they were? They were millers, a little way out of town; nothing else; had +a mill and ground flour. They made a fortune I suppose, and now here they +are in the midst of other people." + +"Plenty of carriages, too," said Miss Macy; "and everything else." + +"After all," said Miss Bentley, after a pause, "I suppose everybody's +money had to be made somehow, in the first instance. I suppose all the +Millers in the world came from real millers once; and the Wheelrights +from wheelwrights." + +"And what a world of smiths there must have been first and last," said +Miss Lansing. "The world is full of their descendants." + +"_Everybody's_ money wasn't made, though," said the St. Clair, with an +inexpressible attitude of her short upper lip. + +"I guess it was,--if you go back far enough," said Miss Macy, whom +nothing disturbed. But I saw that while Miss Lansing and Miss St. +Clair were at ease in the foregoing conversation, Miss Bentley was +not. + +"You _can't_ go back far enough," said the St. Clair, haughtily. + +"How then?" said the other. "How do you account for it? Where did +their money come from?" + +"It grew," said the St. Clair ineffably. "They were lords of the +soil." + +"Oh!--But it had to be dug out, I suppose?" said Miss Macy. + +"There were others to do that." + +"After all," said Miss Macy, "how is money that grew any better than +money that is made? it is all made by somebody, too." + +"If it is made by somebody else, it leaves your hands clean," the St. +Clair answered, with an insolence worthy of maturer years; for Miss +Macy's family had grown rich by trade. She was of a slow temper +however and did not take fire. + +"My grandfather's hands were clean," she said; "yet he made his own +money. Honest hands always are clean." + +"Do you suppose Miss Cardigan's were when she was handling her +cabbages?" said St Clair. "I have no doubt Miss Cardigan's house +smells of cabbages now." + +"O St. Clair!" Miss Lansing said, laughing. + +"I always smell them when I go past," said the other, elevating her +scornful little nose; it was a handsome nose too. + +"I don't think it makes any difference," said Miss Bentley, "provided +people _have_ money, how they came by it. Money buys the same thing +for one that it does for another." + +"Now, my good Bentley, that is just what it _don't_," said St. Clair, +drumming up the window-pane with the tips of her fingers. + +"Why not?" + +"Because!--people that have always had money know how to use it; and +people who have just come into their money _don't_ know. You can tell +the one from the other as far off as the head of the avenue." + +"But what is to hinder their going to the same milliner and mantua-maker, +for instance, or the same cabinet-maker,--and buying the same things?" + +"Or the same jeweller, or the same--anything? So they could if they +knew which they were." + +"Which _what_ were? It is easy to tell which is a fashionable +milliner, or mantua-maker; everybody knows that." + +"It don't do some people any good," said St. Clair, turning away. +"When they get in the shop they do not know what to buy; and if they +buy it they can't put it on. People that are not fashionable can't +_be_ fashionable." + +I saw the glance that fell, scarcely touching, on my plain plaid +frock. I was silly enough to feel it too. I was unused to scorn. St. +Clair returned to the window, perhaps sensible that she had gone a +little too far. + +"I can tell you now," she said, "what that old Miss Cardigan has got +in her house--just as well as if I saw it." + +"Did you ever go in?" said Lansing eagerly. + +"We don't visit," said the other. "But I can tell you just as well; +and you can send Daisy Randolph some day to see if it is true." + +"Well, go on, St. Clair--what is there?" said Miss Macy. + +"There's a marble hall, of course; that the mason built; it isn't her +fault. Then in the parlours there are thick carpets, that cost a great +deal of money and are as ugly as they can be, with every colour in the +world. The furniture is red satin, or may be blue, staring bright, +against a light green wall panelled with gold. The ceilings are gold +and white, with enormous chandeliers. On the wall there are some very +big picture frames, with nothing in them--to speak of; there is a +table in the middle of the floor with a marble top, and the piers are +filled with mirrors down to the floor: and the second room is like the +first and the third is like the second, and there is nothing else in +any of the rooms but what I have told you." + +"Well, it is a very handsome house, I should think, if you have told +true," said Miss Bentley. + +St. Clair left the window with a scarce perceptible but most wicked smile +at her friend Miss Lansing; and the group scattered. Only I remained to +think it over and ask myself, could I let go my vantage ground? could I +make up my mind to do for ever without the smile and regard of that +portion of the world which little St. Clair represented? It is powerful +even in a school! + +I had seen how carelessly this undoubted child of birth and fashion +wielded the lash of her tongue; and how others bowed before it. I had +seen Miss Bentley wince, and Miss Macy bite her lip; but neither of +them dared affront the daughter of Mrs. St. Clair. Miss Lansing was +herself of the favoured class, and had listened lightly. Fashion was +power, that was plain. Was I willing to forego it? Was I willing to +be one of those whom fashion passes by as St. Clair had glanced on my +dress--as something not worthy a thought. + +I was not happy, those days. Something within me was struggling for +self assertion. It was new to me; for until then I had never needed to +assert my claims to anything. For the first time, I was looked down +upon, and I did not like it. I do not quite know why I was made to +know this so well. My dress, if not showy or costly, was certainly +without blame in its neatness and niceness, and perfectly becoming my +place as a schoolgirl. And I had very little to do at that time with +my schoolmates, and that little was entirely friendly in its +character. I am obliged to think, looking back at it now, that some +rivalry was at work. I did not then understand it. But I was taking a +high place in all my classes. I had gone past St. Clair in two or +three things. Miss Lansing was too far behind in her studies to feel +any jealousy on that account; but besides that, I was an unmistakable +favourite with all the teachers. They liked to have me do anything for +them or with them; if any privilege was to be given, I was sure to be +one of the first names called to share it; if I was spoken to for +anything, the manner and tone were in contrast with those used towards +almost all my fellows. It may have been partly for these reasons that +there was a little positive element in the slight which I felt. The +effect of the whole was to make a long struggle in my mind. "The world +knoweth us not"--gave the character and condition of that party to +which I belonged. I was feeling now what those words mean,--and it was +not pleasant. + +This struggle had been going on for several weeks, and growing more +and more wearying, when Mrs. Sandford came one day to see me. She +said I did not look very well, and obtained leave for me to take a +walk with her. I was glad of the change. It was a pleasant bright +afternoon; we strolled up the long avenue, then gay and crowded with +passers to and fro in every variety and in the height of the mode; for +our avenue was a favourite and very fashionable promenade. The gay +world nodded and bowed to each other; the sun streamed on satins and +laces, flowers and embroidery; elegant toilets passed and repassed +each other, with smiling recognition; the street was a show. I walked +by Mrs. Sandford's side in my chinchilla cap, for I had not got a +straw hat yet, though it was time; thinking--"The world knoweth us +not"--and carrying on the struggle in my heart all the while. By and +by we turned to come down the avenue. + +"I want to stop a moment here on some business," said Mrs. Sandford, +as we came to Miss Cardigan's corner; "would you like to go in with +me, Daisy?" + +I was pleased, and moreover glad that it was the hour for my +companions to be out walking. I did not wish to be seen going in at +that house and to have all the questions poured on me that would be +sure to come. Moreover, I was curious to see how far Miss St. Clair's +judgment would be verified. The marble hall was undoubted; it was +large and square, with a handsome staircase going up from it; but the +parlour, into which we were ushered the next minute, crossed all my +expectations. It was furnished with dark chintz; no satin, red or +blue, was anywhere to be seen; even the curtains were chintz. The +carpet was not rich; the engravings on the walls were in wooden frames +varnished; the long mirror between the windows, for that was there, +reflected a very simple mahogany table, on which lay a large work +basket, some rolls of muslin and flannel, work cut and uncut, shears +and spools of cotton. Another smaller table held books and papers and +writing materials. This was shoved up to the corner of the hearth, +where a fire--a real, actual fire of sticks--was softly burning. The +room was full of the sweet smell of the burning wood. Between the two +tables, in a comfortable large chair, sat the lady we had come to see. +My heart warmed at the look of her immediately. Such a face of genial +gentle benevolence; such a healthy sweet colour in the old cheeks; +such a hearty, kind, and withal shrewd and sound, expression of eye +and lip. She was stout and dumpy in figure, rather fat; with a little +plain cap on her head and a shawl pinned round her shoulders. Somebody +who had never been known to the world of fashion. But oh, how homely +and comfortable she and her room looked! she and her room and her cat; +for a great white cat sat with her paws doubled under her in front of +the fire. + +"My sister begged that I would call and see you, Miss Cardigan," Mrs. +Sandford began, "about a poor family named Whittaker, that live +somewhere in Ellen Street." + +"I know them. Be seated," said our hostess. "I know them well. But I +don't know this little lady." + +"A little friend of mine, Miss Cardigan; she is at school with your +neighbour opposite,--Miss Daisy Randolph." + +"If nearness made neighbourhood," said Miss Cardigan, laughing, "Mme. +Ricard and I would be neighbours; but I am afraid the rule of the Good +Samaritan would put us far apart. Miss Daisy--do you like my cat; or +would you like maybe to go in and look at my flowers?--yes?--Step in +that way, dear; just go through that room, and on, straight through; +you'll smell them before you come to them." + +I gladly obeyed her, stepping in through the darkened middle room, +where already the greeting of the distant flowers met me; then through +a third smaller room, light and bright and full of fragrance, and to +my surprise, lined with books. From this an open glass door let me +into the greenhouse and into the presence of the beauties I had so +often looked up to from the street. I lost myself then. Geraniums +breathed over me; roses smiled at me; a daphne at one end of the room +filled the whole place with its fragrance. Amaryllis bulbs were +magnificent; fuchsias dropped with elegance; jonquils were shy and +dainty; violets were good; hyacinths were delicious; tulips were +splendid. Over and behind all these and others, were wonderful ferns, +and heaths most delicate in their simplicity, and myrtles most +beautiful with their shining dark foliage and starry white blossoms. I +lost myself at first, and wandered past all these new and old friends +in a dream; then I waked up to an intense feeling of homesickness. I +had not been in such a greenhouse in a long time; the geraniums and +roses and myrtles summoned me back to the years when I was a little +happy thing at Melbourne House--or summoned the images of that time +back to me. Father and mother and home--the delights and freedoms of +those days--the carelessness, and the care--the blessed joys of that +time before I knew Miss Pinshon, or school, and before I was perplexed +with the sorrows and the wants of the world, and before I was +alone--above all, when papa and mamma and I were _at home_. The +geraniums and the roses set me back there so sharply that I felt it +all. I had lost myself at first going into the greenhouse; and now I +had quite lost sight of everything else, and stood gazing at the faces +of the flowers with some tears on my own, and, I suppose, a good deal +of revelation of my feeling; for I was unutterably startled by the +touch of two hands upon my shoulders and a soft whisper in my ear, +"What is it, my bairn?" + +It was Miss Cardigan's soft Scotch accent, and it was besides a +question of the tenderest sympathy. I looked at her, saw the kind and +strong grey eyes which were fixed on me wistfully; and hiding my face +in her bosom I sobbed aloud. + +I don't know how I came to be there, in her arms, nor how I did +anything so unlike my habit; but there I was, and it was done, and +Miss Cardigan and I were in each other's confidence. It was only for +one moment that my tears came; then I recovered myself. + +"What sort of discourse did the flowers hold to you, little one?" said +Miss Cardigan's kind voice; while her stout person hid all view of me +that could have been had through the glass door. + +"Papa is away," I said, forcing myself to speak,--"and mamma:--and we +used to have these flowers--" + +"Yes, yes; I know. I know very well," said my friend. "The flowers +didn't know but you were there yet. They hadn't discretion. Mrs. +Sandford wants to go, dear. Will you come again and see them? They +will say something else next time." + +"Oh, may I?" I said. + +"Just whenever you like, and as often as you like. So I'll expect +you." + +I went home, very glad at having escaped notice from my schoolmates, +and firmly bent on accepting Miss Cardigan's invitation at the first +chance I had. I asked about her of Mrs. Sandford in the first place; +and learned that she was "a very good sort of person; a little queer, +but very kind; a person that did a great deal of good and had plenty +of money. Not in society, of course," Mrs. Sandford added; "but I dare +say she don't miss that; and she is just as useful as if she were." + +"Not in society." That meant, I supposed, that Miss Cardigan would not +be asked to companies where Mrs. Randolph would be found, or Mrs. +Sandford; that such people would not "know" her, in fact. That would +certainly be a loss to Miss Cardigan; but I wondered how much? "The +world knoweth us not,"--the lot of all Christ's people,--could it +involve anything in itself very bad? My old Juanita, for example, who +held herself the heir to a princely inheritance, was it any harm to +her that earthly palaces knew her only as a servant? But then, what +did not matter to Juanita or Miss Cardigan might matter to somebody +who had been used to different things. I knew how it had been with +myself for a time past. I was puzzled. I determined to wait and see, +if I could, how much it mattered to Miss Cardigan. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +FRENCH DRESSES. + + +My new friend had given me free permission to come and see her whenever I +found myself able. Saturday afternoon we always had to ourselves in the +school; and the next Saturday found me at Miss Cardigan's door again as +soon as my friends and room-mates were well out of my way. Miss Cardigan +was not at home, the servant said, but she would be in presently. I was +just as well pleased. I took off my cap, and carrying it in my hand I +went back through the rooms to the greenhouse. All still and fresh and +sweet, it seemed more delightful than ever, because I knew there was +nobody near. Some new flowers were out. An azalea was in splendid beauty, +and a white French rose, very large and fair, was just blossoming, and +with the red roses and the hyacinths and the violets and the daphne and +the geraniums, made a wonderful sweet place of the little greenhouse. I +lost myself in delight again; but this time the delight did not issue in +homesickness. The flowers had another message for me to-day. I did not +heed it at first, busy with examining and drinking in the fragrance and +the loveliness about me; but even as I looked and drank, the flowers +began to whisper to me. With their wealth of perfume, with all their +various, glorious beauty, one and another leaned towards me or bent over +me with the question--"Daisy, are you afraid?--Daisy, are you +afraid?--The good God who has made us so rich, do you think he will leave +you poor? He loves you, Daisy. You needn't be a bit afraid but that HE is +enough, even if the world does not know you. He is rich enough for you as +well as for us." + +I heard no voice, but surely I heard that whisper, plain enough. The +roses seemed to kiss me with it. The sweet azalea repeated it. The +hyacinths stood witnesses of it. The gay tulips and amaryllis held up +a banner before me on which it was blazoned. + +I was so ashamed, and sorry, and glad, all at once, that I fell down +on my knees there, on the stone matted floor, and gave up the world +from my heart and for ever, and stretched out my hands for the wealth +that does not perish and the blessing that has no sorrow with it. + +I was afraid to stay long on my knees; but I could hardly get my eyes +dry again, I was so glad and so sorry. I remember I was wiping a tear +or two away when Miss Cardigan came in. She greeted me kindly. + +"There's a new rose out, did ye see it?" she said; "and this blue +hyacinth has opened its flowers. Isn't that bonny?" + +"What is _bonny_, ma'am?" I asked. + +Miss Cardigan laughed, the heartiest, sonsiest low laugh. + +"There's a many things the Lord has made bonny," she said. "I thank +Him for it. Look at these violets--they're bonny; and this sweet red +rose." She broke it off the tree and gave it to me. "It's bad that it +shames your cheeks so. What's the matter wi' 'em, my bairn?" + +Miss Cardigan's soft finger touched my cheek as she spoke; and the +voice and tone of the question were so gently, tenderly kind that it +was pleasant to answer. I said I had not been very strong. + +"Nor just weel in your mind. No, no. Well, what did the flowers say to +you to-day, my dear? Eh? They told you something?" + +"Oh yes!" I said. + +"Did they tell you that 'the Lord is good; a stronghold in the day of +trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in Him?'" + +"Oh yes," I said, looking up at her in surprise. "How did you know?" + +For all answer, Miss Cardigan folded her two arms tight about me and +kissed me with earnest good will. + +"But they told me something else," I said, struggling to command +myself;--"they told me that I had _not_ 'trusted in Him.'" + +"Ah, my bairn!" she said. "But the Lord is good." + +There was so much both of understanding and sympathy in her tones, that +I had a great deal of trouble to control myself. I felt unspeakably +happy too, that I had found a friend that could understand. I was +silent, and Miss Cardigan looked at me. + +"Is it all right, noo?" she asked. + +"Except _me_,--" I said with my eyes swimming. + +"Ah, well!" she said. "You've seen the sky all black and covered with +the thick clouds--that's like our sins: but, 'I have blotted out as a +thick cloud thy transgressions, and as a cloud thy sins.' You know how +it is when the wind comes and clears the clouds all off, and you can +look up through the blue, till it seems as if your eye would win into +heaven itself. Keep the sky clear, my darling, so that you can always +see up straight to God, with never the fleck of a cloud between. But +do you ken what will clear the clouds away?" + +And I looked up now with a smile and answered, "'The precious blood of +Christ'"--for the two texts had been close together in one of the +pages of my little book not long before. + +Miss Cardigan clapped her hands together softly and laughed. "Ye've +got it!" she said. "Ye have gotten the pearl of great price. And where +did ye find it, my dear?" + +"I had a friend, that taught me in a Sunday-school, four years ago,--" +I said. + +"Ah, there weren't so many Sunday-schools in my day," said Miss +Cardigan. "And ye have found, maybe, that this other sort of a school, +that ye have gotten to now, isn't helpful altogether? Is it a rough +road, my bairn?" + +"It is my own fault," I said, looking at her gratefully. The tender +voice went right into my heart. + +"Well, noo, ye'll just stop and have tea with me here; and whenever +the way is rough, ye'll come over to my flowers and rest yourself. And +rest me too; it does me a world o' good to see a young face. So take +off your coat, my dear, and let us sit down and be comfortable." + +I was afraid at first that I could not; I had no liberty to be absent +at tea-time. But Miss Cardigan assured me I should be home in good +season; the school tea was at seven, and her own was always served at +six. So very gladly, with an inexpressible sense of freedom and +peace, I took off my coat and gloves, and followed my kind friend back +to the parlour where her fire was burning. For although it was late in +April, the day was cool and raw; and the fire one saw nowhere else was +delightful in Miss Cardigan's parlour. + +Every minute of that afternoon was as bright as the fire glow. I sat +in the midst of that, on an ottoman, and Miss Cardigan, busy between +her two tables, made me very much interested in her story of some +distressed families for whom she was working. She asked me very little +about my own affairs; nothing that the most delicate good breeding did +not warrant; but she found out that my father and mother were at a +great distance from me, and I almost alone, and she gave me the +freedom of her house. I was to come there whenever I could and liked; +whenever I wanted to "rest my feet," as she said; especially I might +spend as much of every Sunday with her as I could get leave for. And +she made this first afternoon so pleasant to me with her gentle +beguiling talk, that the permission to come often was like the +entrance into a whole world of comfort. She had plenty to talk about; +plenty to tell, of the poor people to whom she and others were +ministering; of plans and methods to do them good; all which somehow +she made exceedingly interesting. There was just a little accent to +her words, which made them, in their peculiarity, all the more sweet +to me; but she spoke good English; the "noo" which slipped out now and +then, with one or two other like words, came only, I found, at times +when the fountain of feeling was more full than ordinary, and so +flowed over into the disused old channel. And her face was so fresh, +rosy, round and sweet, withal strong and sound, that it was a +perpetual pleasure to me. + +As she told her stories of New York needy and suffering, I mentally +added my poor people at Magnolia, and began to wonder with myself, was +all the world so? Were these two spots but samples of the whole? I got +into a brown study, and was waked out of it by Miss Cardigan's "What +is it, my dear?" + +"Ma'am?" I said. + +"Ye are studying some deep question," she said, smiling. "Maybe it's +too big for you." + +"So it is," said I, sighing. "Is it so everywhere, Miss Cardigan?" + +"So how, my bairn?" + +"Is there so much trouble everywhere in the world?" + +Her face clouded over. + +"Jesus said, 'The poor ye have always with you, and whensoever ye will +ye may do them good.'" + +"But that is what I don't understand about," I said. "_How much_ ought +one to do, Miss Cardigan?" + +There came a ray of infinite brightness over her features; I can +hardly describe it; it was warm with love, and bright with pleasure, +and I thought sparkled with a little amusement. + +"Have you thought upon that?" she said. + +"Yes," I said,--"very much." + +"It is a great question!" she said, her face becoming grave again. + +"I know," I said, "of course one ought to do all one can. But what I +want to know is, how much one _can_. How much ought one to spend, for +such things?" + +"It's a great question," Miss Cardigan repeated, more gravely than +before. "For when the King comes, to take account of His servants, He +will want to know what we have done with every penny. Be sure, He +will." + +"Then how can one tell?" said I, hoping earnestly that now I was going +to get some help in my troubles. "How can one know? It is very +difficult." + +"I'll no say it's not difficult," said Miss Cardigan, whose thoughts +seemed to have gone into the recesses of her own mind. "Dear, its nigh +our tea-time. Let us go in." + +I followed her, much disappointed, and feeling that if she passed the +subject by so, I could not bring it up again. We went through to the +inner room; the same from which the glass door opened to the flowers. +Here a small table was now spread. This room was cosy. I had hardly +seen it before. Low bookcases lined it on every side; and above the +bookcases hung maps; maps of the city and of various parts of the +world where missionary stations were established. Along with the maps, +a few engravings and fine photographs. I remember one of the +Colosseum, which I used to study; and a very beautiful engraving of +Jerusalem. But the one that fixed my eyes this first evening, perhaps +because Miss Cardigan placed me in front of it, was a picture of +another sort. It was a good photograph, and had beauty enough besides +to hold my eyes. It showed a group of three or four. A boy and girl in +front, handsome, careless, and well-to-do, passing along, with +wandering eyes. Behind them and disconnected from them by her dress +and expression, a tall woman in black robes with a baby on her breast. +The hand of the woman was stretched out with a coin which she was +about dropping into an iron-bound coffer which stood at the side of +the picture. It was "the widow's mite;" and her face, wan, sad, sweet, +yet loving and longing, told the story. The two coins were going into +the box with all her heart. + +"You know what it is?" said my hostess. + +"I see, ma'am," I replied; "it is written under." + +"That box is the Lord's treasury." + +"Yes, ma'am," I said,--"I know." + +"Do you remember how much that woman gave?" + +"Two mites,"--I said. + +"It was something more than that," said my hostess. "It was more than +anybody else gave that day. Don't you recollect? It was _all her +living_." + +I looked at Miss Cardigan, and she looked at me. Then my eyes went +back to the picture, and to the sad yet sweet and most loving face of +the poor woman there. + +"Ma'am," said I, "do you think people that are _rich_ ought to give +all they have?" + +"I only know, my Lord was pleased with her," said Miss Cardigan +softly; "and I always think I should like to have Him pleased with me +too." + +I was silent, looking at the picture and thinking. + +"You know what made that poor widow give her two mites?" Miss Cardigan +asked presently. + +"I suppose she wanted to give them," I said. + +"Ay," said my hostess, turning away,--"she loved the Lord's glory +beyond her own comfort. Come, my love, and let us have some tea. She +gave all she had, Miss Daisy, and the Lord liked it; do ye think you +and me can do less?" + +"But that is what I do not understand," I said, following Miss +Cardigan to the little tea-table, and watching with great comfort the +bright unruffled face which promised to be such a help to me. + +"Now you'll sit down there," said my hostess, "where you can see my +flowers while I can see you. It's poor work eating, if we cannot look +at something or hear something at the same time; and maybe we'll do +the two things. And ye'll have a bit of honey--here it is. And Lotty +will bring us up a bit of hot toast--or is bread the better, my dear? +Now ye're at home; and maybe you'll come over and drink tea with me +whenever you can run away from over there. I'll have Lotty set a place +for you. And then, when ye think of the empty place, you will know you +had better come over and fill it. See--you could bring your study book +and study here in this quiet little corner by the flowers." + +I gave my very glad thanks. I knew that I could often do this. + +"And now for the 'not understanding,'" said Miss Cardigan, when tea +was half over. "How was it, my dear?" + +"I have been puzzled," I said, "about giving--how much one ought to +give, and how much one ought to spend--I mean for oneself." + +"Well," said Miss Cardigan brightly, "we have fixed that. The poor +woman gave _all her living_." + +"But one must spend _some_ money for oneself," I said. "One must have +bonnets and cloaks and dresses." + +"And houses, and books, and pictures," said Miss Cardigan, looking +around her. "My lamb, let us go to the Bible again. That says, +'whether ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of +God.' So I suppose we must buy cloaks and bonnets on the same +principle." + +I turned this over in my mind. Had I done this, when I was choosing my +chinchilla cap and grey cloak? A little ray of infinite brightness +began to steal in upon their quiet colours and despised forms. + +"If the rich are to give their all, as well as the poor, it doesn't +say--mind you--that they are to give it all to the hungry, or all to +the destitute; but only, they are to give it all _to Christ_. Then, He +will tell them what to do with it; do ye understand, my dear?" + +Miss Cardigan's eye was watching me, not more kindly than keen. A wise +and clear grey eye it was. + +"But isn't it difficult to know sometimes what to do?" I said. "I have +been so puzzled to know about dresses. Mamma is away, and I had to +decide." + +"It's no very difficult," said Miss Cardigan,--"if once ye set your +face in the right _airth_--as we speak. My dear, there's a great many +sorts of dresses and bonnets and things; and I'd always buy just that +bonnet and that gown, in which I thought I could do most work for my +Master; and that wouldn't be the same sort of bonnet for you and for +me," she said with a merry smile. "Now ye'll have another cup of tea, +and ye'll tell me if my tea's good." + +It was wonderfully good to me. I felt like a plant dried up for want +of water, suddenly set in a spring shower. Refreshment was all around +me, without and within. The faces of the flowers looked at me through +the glass, and the sweet breath of them came from the open door. The +room where I was sitting pleased me mightily, in its comfortable and +pretty simplicity; and I had found a friend, even better than my old +Maria and Darry at Magnolia. It was not very long before I told all +about these to my new counsellor. + +For the friendship between us ripened and grew. I often found a +chance to fill my place at the dear little tea-table. Sundays I could +always be there; and I went there straight from afternoon church, and +rested among Miss Cardigan's books and in her sweet society and in the +happy freedom and rest of her house, with an intensity of enjoyment +which words can but feebly tell. So in time I came to tell her all my +troubles and the perplexities which had filled me; I was willing to +talk to Miss Cardigan about things that I would have breathed to no +other ear upon earth. She was so removed from all the sphere of my +past or present life, so utterly disconnected from all the persons and +things with which I had had to do, it was like telling about them to a +being of another planet. Yet she was not so removed but that her +sympathies and her judgment could be living and full grown for my +help; all ready to take hold of the facts and to enter into the +circumstances, and to give me precious comfort and counsel. Miss +Cardigan and I came to be very dear to each other. + +All this took time. Nobody noticed at first, or seemed to notice, my +visits to the "house with the flowers," as the girls called it. I +believe, in my plain dress, I was not thought of importance enough to +be watched. I went and came very comfortably; and the weeks that +remained before the summer vacation slipped away in quiet order. + +Just before the vacation, my aunt came home from Europe. With her came +the end of my obscurity. She brought me, from my mother, a great +supply of all sorts of pretty French dresses hats, gloves, and +varieties--chosen by my mother--as pretty and elegant, and simple too, +as they could be; but once putting them on, I could never be unnoticed +by my schoolmates any more. I knew it, with a certain feeling that was +not displeasure. Was it pride? Was it anything more than my pleasure +in all pretty things? I thought it was something more. And I +determined that I would not put on any of them till school was broken +up. If it _was_ pride, I was ashamed of it. But besides French +dresses, my aunt brought me a better thing; a promise from my father. + +"He said I was to tell you, Daisy my dear,--and I hope you will be a +good child and take it as you ought--but dear me! how she is growing," +said Mrs. Gary, turning to Mme. Ricard; "I cannot talk about Daisy as +a 'child' much longer. She's tall." + +"Not too tall," said madame. + +"No, but she is going to be tall. She has a right; her mother is tall, +and her father. Daisy, my dear, I do believe you are going to look +like your mother. You'll be very handsome if you do. And yet, you look +different----" + +"Miss Randolph will not shame anybody belonging to her," said Mme. +Ricard, graciously. + +"Well, I suppose not," said my aunt. "I was going to tell you what +your father said, Daisy. He said--you know it takes a long while to +get to China and back, and if it does him good he will stay a little +while there; and then there's the return voyage, and there may be +delays; so altogether it was impossible to say exactly how long he and +your mother will be gone. I mean, it was impossible to know certainly +that they would be able to come home by next summer; indeed I doubt if +your father ever does come home." + +I waited in silence. + +"So altogether," my aunt went on, turning for a moment to Mme. Ricard, +"there was a doubt about it; and your father said, he charged me to +tell Daisy, that if she will make herself contented--that is, +supposing they cannot come home next year, you know--if she will make +herself happy and be patient and bear one or two years more, and stay +at school and do the best she can, _then_, the year after next or the +next year he will send for you, your father says, _unless_ they come +home themselves--they will send for you; and then, your father says, +he will give you any request you like to make of him. Ask anything you +can think of, that you would like best, and he will do it or get it, +whatever it is. He didn't say like King Herod, 'to the half of his +kingdom,' but I suppose he meant that. And meanwhile, you know you +have a guardian now, Daisy, and there is no use for me in your +affairs; and having conveyed to you your mother's gifts and your +father's promises, I suppose there is nothing further for me to do to +you." + +I was silent yet, thinking. Two years more would be a dear purchase of +any pleasure that might come after. Two years! And four were gone +already. It seemed impossible to wait or to bear it. I heard no more +of what my aunt was saying, till she turned to me again and asked, +"Where are you going to pass the vacation?" + +I did not know, for Mrs. Sandford was obliged to be with her sister +still, so that I could not go to Melbourne. + +"Well, if your new guardian thinks well of it--you can consult him if +it is necessary--and if he does not object, you can be with me if you +like. Preston has leave of absence this summer, I believe; and he will +be with us." + +It was in effect arranged so. My aunt took me about the country from +one watering place to another; from Saratoga to the White Mountains; +and Preston's being with us made it a gay time. Preston had been for +two years at West Point; he was grown and improved everybody said; but +to me he was just the same. If anything, _not_ improved; the old grace +and graciousness of his manner was edged with an occasional hardness +or abruptness which did not use to belong to him, and which I did not +understand. There seemed to be a latent cause of irritation somewhere. + +However, my summer went off smoothly enough. September brought me back +to Mme. Ricard's, and in view of Miss Cardigan's late roses and +budding chrysanthemums. I was not sorry. I had set my heart on doing +as much as could be done in these next two years, if two they must be. + +I was the first in my room; but before the end of the day they all +came pouring in; the two older and the two younger girls. "Here's +somebody already," exclaimed Miss Macy as she saw me. "Why, Daisy +Randolph! is it possible that's you? Is it Daisy Randolph? What have +you done to yourself? How you _have_ improved!" + +"She is very much improved," said Miss Bentley more soberly. + +"She has been learning the fashions," said Miss Lansing, her bright +eyes dancing as good-humouredly as ever. "Daisy, now when your hair +gets long you'll look quite nice. That frock is made very well." + +"She is changed," said Miss St. Clair, with a look I could not quite +make out. + +"No," I said; "I hope I am not changed." + +"Your dress is," said St. Clair. + +I thought of Dr. Sandford's "_L'habit, c'est l'homme_". "My mother had +this dress made," I said; "and I ordered the other one; that is all +the difference." + +"You're on the right side of the difference, then," said Miss St. +Clair. + +"Has your mother come back, Daisy?" Miss Lansing asked. + +"Not yet. She sent me this from Paris." + +"It's very pretty!" she said, with, I saw, an increase of admiration; +but St. Clair gave me another strange look. "How much prettier Paris +things are than American!" Lansing went on. "I wish I could have all +my dresses from Paris. Why, Daisy, you've grown handsome." + +"Nonsense!" said Miss Macy; "she always was, only you didn't see it." + +"Style is more than a face," said Miss St. Clair cavalierly. Somehow I +felt that this little lady was not in a good mood awards me. I boded +mischief; for being nearly of an age, we were together in most of our +classes, studied the same things, and recited at the same times. There +was an opportunity for clashing. + +They soon ran off, all four, to see their friends and acquaintances +and learn the news of the school. I was left alone, making my +arrangement of clothes and things in my drawer and my corner of the +closet; and I found that some disturbance, in those few moments, had +quite disarranged the thoughts of my heart. They were peaceful enough +before. There was some confusion now. I could not at first tell what +was uppermost; only that St. Clair's words were those that most +returned to me. "She has changed." _Had_ I changed? or was I going to +change? was I going to enter the lists of fashion with my young +companions, and try who would win the race? No doubt my mother could +dress me better than almost any of their mothers could dress them; +what then? would this be a triumph? or was this the sort of name and +notoriety that became and befitted a servant of Jesus? I could not +help my dresses being pretty; no, but I could help making much display +of them. I could wear my own school plaid when the weather grew +cooler; and one or two others of my wardrobe were all I need show. +"Style is more than a face." No doubt. What _then?_ Did I want style +and a face too? Was I wishing to confound St. Clair? Was I escaping +already from that bond and a mark of a Christian--"The world knoweth +us not?" I was startled and afraid. I fell down on my knees by the +side of my bed, and tried to look at the matter as God looked at it. +And the Daisy I thought he would be pleased with, was one who ran no +race for worldly supremacy. I resolved she should not. The praise of +God, I thought, was far better than the praise of men. + +My mind was quite made up when I rose from my knees; but I looked +forward to a less quiet school term than the last had been. Something +told me that the rest of the girls would take me up now, for good and +for evil. My Paris dress set me in a new position, no longer beneath +their notice. I was an object of attention. Even that first evening I +felt the difference. + +"Daisy, when is your mother coming home?" "Oh, she is gone to China; +Daisy's mother is gone to China!"--"She'll bring you lots of queer +things, won't she?"--"What a sweet dress!"--"_That_ didn't come from +China?"--"Daisy, who's head in mathematics, you or St. Clair? I hope +you will get before her!" + +"Why?" I ventured to ask. + +"Oh, you're the best of the two; everybody knows that. But St. Clair +is smart, isn't she?" + +"She thinks she is," answered another speaker; "she believes she's at +the tip-top of creation; but she never had such a pretty dress on as +that in her days; and she knows it and she don't like it. It's real +fun to see St. Clair beat; she thinks she is so much better than other +girls, and she has such a way of twisting that upper lip of hers. Do +you know how St. Clair twists her upper lip? Look!--she's doing it +now." + +"She's handsome though, ain't she?" said Miss Macy. "She'll be +beautiful." + +"No," said Mlle. Genevieve; "not that. Never that. She will be +handsome; but beauty is a thing of the soul. _She_ will not be +beautiful. Daisy, are you going to work hard this year?" + +"Yes, mademoiselle." + +"I believe you," she said, taking my face between her two hands and +kissing it. + +"Whoever saw Mlle. Genevieve do that before!" said Miss Macy, as the +other left us. "She is not apt to like the scholars." + +I knew she had always liked me. But everybody had always liked me, I +reflected; this time at school was the first of my knowing anything +different. And in this there now came a change. Since my wearing and +using the Paris things sent to me by my mother, which I dared not fail +to use and wear, I noticed that my company was more sought in the +school. Also my words were deferred to, in a way they had not been +before. I found, and it was not an unpleasant thing, that I had grown +to be a person of consequence. Even with the French and English +teachers; I observed that they treated me with more consideration. And +so I reflected within myself again over Dr. Sandford's observation, +"_L'habit, c'est l'homme._" Of course it was a consideration given to +my clothes, a consideration also to be given up if I did not wear such +clothes. I saw all that. The world _knew me_, just for the moment. + +Well, the smooth way was very pleasant. I had it with everybody for a +time. + +My little room-mate and classmate St. Clair was perhaps the only +exception to the general rule. I never felt that she liked me much. +She let me alone, however; until one unlucky day--I do not mean to +call it unlucky, either--when we had, as usual, compositions to write, +and the theme given out was "Ruins." It was a delightful theme to me. +I did not always enjoy writing compositions; this one gave me +permission to roam in thoughts and imaginations that I liked. I went +back to my old Egyptian studies at Magnolia, and wrote my composition +about "Karnak." The subject was full in my memory; I had gone over and +over and all through it; I had measured the enormous pillars and great +gateways, and studied the sculpture on the walls, and paced up and +down the great avenue of sphinxes. Sethos, and Amunoph and Rameses, +the second and third, were all known and familiar to me; and I knew +just where Shishak had recorded his triumphs over the land of Judea. I +wrote my composition with the greatest delight. The only danger was +that I might make it too long. + +One evening I was using the last of the light, writing in the window +recess of the school parlour, when I felt a hand laid on my shoulders. + +"You are so hard at work!" said the voice of Mlle. Genevieve. + +"Yes, mademoiselle, I like it." + +"Have you got all the books and all that you want?" + +"Books, mademoiselle?"--I said wondering. + +"Yes; have you got all you want?" + +"I have not got any books," I said; "there are none that I want in the +school library." + +"Have you never been in madame's library?" + +"No, mademoiselle." + +"Come!" + +I jumped up and followed her, up and down stairs and through halls and +turnings, till she brought me into a pretty room lined with books from +floor to ceiling. Nobody was there. Mademoiselle lit the gas with +great energy, and then turned to me, her great black eyes shining. + +"Now what do you want, _mon enfant_? here is everything." + +"Is there anything about Egypt?" + +"Egypt! Are you in Egypt? See here--look, here is Denon--here is +Laborde; here are two or three more. Do you like that? Ah! I see by +the way your grey eyes grow big--Now sit down, and do what you like. +Nobody will disturb you. You can come here every evening for the hour +before tea." + +Mademoiselle scarce stayed for my thanks, and left me alone. I had not +seen either Laborde or Denon in my grandfather's library at Magnolia; +they were after his time. The engravings and illustrations also had +not been very many or very fine in his collection of travellers' +books. It was the greatest joy to me to see some of those things in +Mme. Ricard's library, that I had read and dreamed about so long in my +head. It was adding eyesight to hearsay. I found a good deal too that +I wanted to read, in these later authorities. Evening after evening I +was in madame's library, lost among the halls of the old Egyptian +conquerors. + +The interest and delight of my work quite filled me, so that the fate of +my composition hardly came into my thoughts, or the fact that other +people were writing compositions too. And when it was done, I was simply +very sorry that it was done. I had not written it for honour or for duty, +but for love. I suppose that was the reason why it succeeded. I remember +I was anything but satisfied with it myself, as I was reading it aloud +for the benefit of my judges. For it was a day of prize compositions; and +before the whole school and even some visitors, the writings of the girls +were given aloud, each by its author. I thought, as I read mine, how poor +it was, and how magnificent my subject demanded that it should be. Under +the shade of the great columns, before those fine old sphinxes, my words +and myself seemed very small. I sat down in my place again, glad that the +reading was over. + +But there was a little buzz; then a dead expectant silence; then Mme. +Ricard arose. My composition had been the last one. I looked up with +the rest, to hear the award that she would speak; and was at first +very much confounded to hear my own name called. "Miss Randolph--" It +did not occur to me what it was spoken for; I sat still a moment in a +maze. Mme. Ricard stood waiting; all the room was in a hush. + +"Don't you hear yourself called?" said a voice behind me. "Why don't +you go?" + +I looked round at Miss Macy, who was my adviser, then doubtfully I +looked away from her and caught the eyes of Mlle. Genevieve. She +nodded and beckoned me to come forward. I did it hastily then, and +found myself curtseying in front of the platform where stood madame. + +"The prize is yours, Miss Randolph," she said graciously. "Your paper +is approved by all the judges." + +"Quite artistic,"--I heard a gentleman say at her elbow. + +"And it shows an amount of thorough study and perfect preparation, +which I can but hold up as a model to all my young ladies. You deserve +this, my dear." + +I was confounded; and a low curtsey was only a natural relief to my +feelings. But madame unhappily took it otherwise. + +"This is yours," she said, putting into my hands an elegant little +bronze standish;--"and if I had another prize to bestow for grace of +good manners, I am sure I would have the pleasure of giving you that +too." + +I bent again before madame, and got back to my seat as I could. The +great business of the day was over, and we soon scattered to our +rooms. And I had not been in mine five minutes before the penalties of +being distinguished began to come upon me. + +"Well, Daisy!" said Miss Lansing,--"you've got it. How pretty! isn't +it, Macy?" + +"It isn't a bit prettier than it ought to be, for a prize in such a +school," said Miss Macy. "It will do." + +"I've seen handsomer prizes," said Miss Bentley. + +"But you've got it, more ways than one, Daisy," Miss Lansing went on. +"I declare! Aren't you a distinguished young lady! Madame, too! why we +all used to think we behaved pretty well _before company_,--didn't we, +St. Clair?" + +"I hate favour and favouritism!" said that young lady, her upper lip +taking the peculiar turn to which my attention had once been called. +"Madame likes whatever is French." + +"But Randolph is not French, are you, Randolph?" said Blackeyes, who +was good-natured through everything. + +"Madame is not French herself," said Miss Bentley. + +"I hate everything at school!" St. Clair went on. + +"It's too bad," said her friend. "Do you know, Daisy, St. Clair always +has the prize for compositions. What made you go and write that long +stuff about Rameses? the people didn't understand it, and so they +thought it was fine." + +"I am sure there was a great deal finer writing in Faustina's +composition," said Miss Bentley. + +I knew very well that Miss St. Clair had been accustomed to win this +half-yearly prize for good writing. I had expected nothing but that +she would win it this time. I had counted neither on my own success +nor on the displeasure it would raise. I took my hat and went over to +my dear Miss Cardigan; hoping that ill-humour would have worked itself +out by bed-time. But I was mistaken. + +St Clair and I had been pretty near each other in our classes, though +once or twice lately I had got an advantage over her; but we had kept +on terms of cool social distance until now. Now the spirit of rivalry +was awake. I think it began to stir at my Paris dresses and things; +Karnak and Mme. Ricard finished the mischief. + +On my first coming to school I had been tempted in my horror at the +utter want of privacy to go to bed without prayer; waiting till the +rest were all laid down and asleep and the lights out, and then +slipping out of bed with great care not to make a noise, and watching +that no whisper of my lips should be loud enough to disturb anybody's +slumbers. But I was sure after a while, that this was a cowardly way +of doing; and I could not bear the words, "Whosoever shall be ashamed +of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when He +cometh in the glory of His Father." I determined in the vacation that +I would do so no more, cost what it might the contrary. It cost a +tremendous struggle. I think, in all my life I have done few harder +things, than it was to me then to kneel down by the side of my bed in +full blaze of the gaslights and with four curious pairs of eyes around +to look on; to say nothing of the four busy tongues wagging about +nothing all the time. I remember what a hush fell upon them the first +night; while beyond the posture of prayer I could do little. Only +unformed or half formed thoughts and petitions struggled in my mind, +through a crowd of jostling regrets and wishes and confusions, in +which I could hardly distinguish anything. But no explosion followed, +of either ridicule or amusement, and I had been suffered from that +night to do as I would, not certainly always in silence, but quite +unmolested. + +I had carried over my standish to Miss Cardigan to ask her to take +care of it for me; I had no place to keep it. But Miss Cardigan was +not satisfied to see the prize; she wanted to hear the essay read; and +was altogether so elated that a little undue elation perhaps crept +into my own heart. It was not a good preparation for what was coming. + +I went home in good time. In the hall, however, Mlle. Genevieve seized +upon me; she had several things to say, and before I got up stairs to +my room all the rest of its inmates were in bed. I hoped they were +asleep. I heard no sound while I was undressing, nor while I knelt, as +usual now, by my bedside. But as I rose from my knees I was startled +by a sort of grunt that came from St. Clair's corner. + +"Humph!--Dear me! we're so good,--Grace and Devotion,--Christian +grace, too!" + +"Hold your tongue, St. Clair," said Miss Macy, but not in a way, I +thought, to check her; if she could have been checked. + +"But it's too bad, Macy," said the girl. "We're all so rough, you +know. _We_ don't know how to behave ourselves; we can't make curtseys; +our mothers never taught us anything,--and dancing masters are no +good. We ought to go to Egypt. There isn't anything so truly dignified +as a pyramid. There is a great deal of _a plomb_ there!" + +"Who talked about _a plomb_?" said Miss Bentley. + +"You have enough of that, at any rate, Faustina," said Lansing. + +"Mrs. St. Clair's child ought to have that," said Miss Macy. + +"Ah, but it isn't Christian grace, after all," persisted Faustina. +"You want a cross at the top of a pyramid to make it perfect." + +"Hush, Faustina!" said Miss Macy. + +"It's fair,"--said Miss Bentley. + +"You had better not talk about Christian grace, girls. That isn't a +matter of opinion." + +"Oh, isn't it!" cried St. Clair, half rising up in her bed. "What is +it, then?" + +Nobody answered. + +"I say!--Macy, what _is_ Christian grace--if you know! If you _don't_ +know, I'll put you in the way to find out." + +"How shall I find out?" + +"Will you do it, if I show it you?" + +"Yes." + +"Ask Randolph. That's the first step. Ask her,--yes! just ask her, if +you want to know. I wish Mme. Ricard was here to hear the answer." + +"Nonsense!" said Macy. + +"Ask her! You said you would. Now ask her." + +"What is Christian grace, Daisy?" said Miss Bentley. + +I heard, but I would not answer. I hoped the storm would blow over, +after a puff or two. But Blackeyes, without any ill-nature, I think, +which was not in her, had got into the gale. She slipped out of bed +and came to my side, putting her hand on my shoulder and bringing her +laughing mouth down near my ear. A very angry impulse moved me before +she spoke. + +"Daisy!"--she said, laughing, in a loud whisper,--"come, wake up! +you're not asleep, you know. Wake up and tell us;--everybody knows +_you_ know;--what _is_ Christian grace? Daisy!--" + +She shook me a little. + +"If you knew, you would not ask me,"--I said in great displeasure. But +a delighted shout from all my room-mates answered this unlucky speech, +which I had been too excited to make logical. + +"Capital!" cried St. Clair. "That's just it--we _don't_ know; and we +only want to find out whether she does. Make her tell, Lansing--prick +a little pin into her--that will bring it out." + +I was struggling between anger and sorrow, feeling very hurt, and at the +same time determined not to cry. I kept absolutely still, fighting the +fight of silence with myself. Then Lansing, in a fit of thoughtless +mischief, finding her shakes and questions vain, actually put in practice +St. Clair's suggestion, and attacked me with a pin from the dressing +table. The first prick of it overthrew the last remnant of my patience. + +"Miss Lansing!"--I exclaimed, rousing up in bed and confronting her. +They all shouted again. + +"Now we'll have it!" cried St. Clair. "Keep cool, Blackeyes; let's +hear--we'll have an exposition now. Theme, Christian grace." + +Ah, there rushed through my heart with her words a remembrance of +other words--a fluttering vision of something "gentle and easy to be +entreated"--"first pure, then peaceable"--"gentleness, goodness, +meekness."--But the grip of passion held them all down or kept them +all back. After St. Clair's first burst, the girls were still and +waited for what I would say. I was facing Miss Lansing, who had taken +her hand from my shoulder. + +"Are you not ashamed of yourself?" I said; and I remember I thought +how my mother would have spoken to them. "Miss Lansing's good +nature"--I went on slowly,--"Miss Macy's kindness--Miss Bentley's +independence--and Miss St. Clair's good breeding!"-- + +"_And_ Miss Randolph's religion!" echoed the last-named, with a quiet +distinctness which went into my heart. + +"What about my independence?" said Miss Bentley. + +"Now we've got enough, girls,--lie down and go to sleep," said Miss +Macy. "There's quite enough of this. There was too much before we +began. Stop where you are." + +They did not stop, however, without a good deal of noisy chaffing and +arguing, none of which I heard. Only the words, "Miss Randolph's +religion," rung in my ears. I lay down with them lying like lead on my +heart. I went to sleep under them. I woke up early, while all the rest +were asleep, and began to study them. + +"Miss Randolph's religion!" If it had been only that, only mine. But the +religion I professed was the religion of Christ; the name I was called by +was _His_ name, the thing I had brought into discredit was His truth. I +hope in all my life I may never know again the heart-pangs that this +thought cost me. I studied how to undo the mischief I had done. I could +find no way. I had seemed to prove my religion an unsteady, superficial +thing; the evidence I had given I could not withdraw; it must stand. I +lay thinking, with the heartache, until the rousing bell rang, and the +sleepers began to stir from their slumbers. I got up and began to dress +with the rest. + +"What was it all that happened last night?" said Miss Lansing. + +"Advancement in knowledge,"--said Miss St. Clair. + +"Now, girls--don't begin again," said Miss Macy. + +"Knowledge is a good thing," said the other, with pins in her mouth. +"I intend to take every opportunity that offers of increasing mine; +especially I mean to study Egyptians and Christians. I haven't any +Christians among my own family or acquaintance--so you see, naturally, +Macy, I am curious; and when a good specimen offers--" + +"I am not a good specimen," I said. + +"People are not good judges of themselves, it is said," the girl went +on. "Everybody considers Miss Randolph a sample of what that article +ought to be." + +"You don't use the word right," remarked Miss Macy. "A _sample_ is +taken from what is,--not from what ought to be." + +"I don't care," was St. Clair's reply. + +"I did not behave like a Christian last night," I forced myself to +say. "I was impatient." + +"Like an impatient Christian then, I suppose," said St Clair. + +I felt myself getting impatient again, with all my sorrow and +humiliation of heart. And yet more humbled at the consciousness, I +hastened to get out of the room. It was a miserable day, that day of +my first school triumphs, and so were several more that followed. I +was very busy; I had no time for recollection and prayer; I was in the +midst of gratulations and plaudits from my companions and the +teachers; and I missed, O how I missed the praise of God. I felt like +a traitor. In the heat of the fight I had let my colours come to the +ground. I had dishonoured my Captain. Some would say it was a little +thing; but I felt then and I know now, there are no little things; I +knew I had done harm; how much it was utterly beyond my reach to know. + +As soon as I could I seized an opportunity to get to Miss Cardigan. I +found her among her flowers, nipping off here a leaf and there a +flower that had passed its time; so busy, that for a few moments she +did not see that I was different from usual. Then came the question +which I had been looking for. + +"Daisy, you are not right to-day?" + +"I haven't been right since I got that standish," I burst forth. + +Miss Cardigan looked at me again, and then did what I had not +expected; she took my head between her two hands and kissed me. Not +loosing her hold, she looked into my face. + +"What is it, my pet?" + +"Miss Cardigan," I said, "can any one be a Christian and yet--yet--" + +"Do something unworthy a Christian?" she said. "I wot well they can! +But then, they are weak Christians." + +I knew that before. But somehow, hearing her say it brought the shame +and the sorrow more fresh to the surface. The tears came. Miss +Cardigan pulled me into the next room and sat down, drawing me into +her arms; and I wept there with her arms about me. + +"What then, Daisy?" she asked at length, as if the suspense pained +her. + +"I acted so, Miss Cardigan," I said; and I told her all about it. + +"So the devil has found a weak spot in your armour," she said. "You +must guard it well, Daisy." + +"How can I?" + +"How can you? Keep your shield before it, my bairn. What is your +shield for? The Lord has given you a great strong shield, big enough +to cover you from head to foot, if your hands know how to manage it." + +"What is that, Miss Cardigan?" + +"The shield of _faith_, dear. Only believe. According to your faith be +it unto you." + +"Believe what?" I asked, lifting my head at last. + +"Believe that if you are a weak little soldier, your Captain knows all +about it; and any fight that you go into for His sake, He will bear +you through. I don't care what. Any fight, Daisy." + +"But I got impatient," I said, "at the girls' way of talking." + +"And perhaps you were a wee bit set up in your heart because you got +the prize of the day." + +"_Proud!_" said I. + +"Don't it look like it? Even proud of being a Christian, mayhap." + +"Could I!" I said. "Was I?" + +"It wouldn't be the first time one with as little cause had got puffed +up a bit. But heavenly charity 'is not puffed up.'" + +"I know that," I said and my tears started afresh. + +"How shall I help it in future?" I asked after a while, during which +my friend had been silent. + +"Help it?" she said cheerfully. "You can't help it--but Jesus can." + +"But my impatience, and--my pride," I said, very downcast. + +"'Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy; when I fall I shall arise.' +But there is no need you should fall, Daisy. Remember 'the Lord is +able to make him stand'--may be said of every one of the Lord's +people." + +"But will He keep me from impatience, and take pride out of my heart? +Why, I did not know it was there, Miss Cardigan." + +"Did He say 'Whatsoever you shall ask in my name, I will do it?' And +when He has written 'Whatsoever,' are you going to write it over and +put 'anything not too hard'? Neither you nor me, Daisy?" + +"_Whatsoever_, Miss Cardigan," I said slowly. + +"He said so. Are you going to write it over again?" + +"No," I said. "But then, may one have _anything_ one asks for." + +"Anything in the world--if it is not contrary to His will--provided we +ask in faith, nothing doubting. 'For he that wavereth is like a wave +of the sea, driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man +think that he shall receive anything of the Lord.'" + +"But how can we _know_ what is according to His will?" + +"_This_ is, at any rate," said Miss Cardigan; "for He has commanded us +to be holy as He is holy." + +"But--other things?" I said. "How can one ask for everything 'in +faith, nothing wavering?' How can one be sure?" + +"Only just this one way, Daisy, my dear," Miss Cardigan answered; and +I remember to this day the accent of her native land which touched +every word. "If ye're wholly the Lord's--wholly, mind,--ye'll not like +aught but what the Lord likes; ye'll know what to ask for, and ye'll +know the Lord will give it to you:--that is, if ye want it _enough_. +But a 'double-minded man is unstable in all his ways;' and his prayers +can't hit the mark, no more than a gun that's twisted when it's going +off." + +"Then,"--I began and stopped, looking at her with my eyes full of +tears. + +"Ay," she said,--"just so. There's no need that you nor me should be +under the power of the evil one, for we're _free_. The Lord's words +arn't too good to be true: every one of 'em is as high as heaven; and +there isn't a sin nor an enemy but you and I may be safe from, if we +trust the Lord." + +I do not remember any more of the conversation. I only know that the sun +rose on my difficulties, and the shadows melted away. I had a happy +evening with my dear old friend, and went home quite heart-whole. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + +GREY COATS. + + +I went back to school comforted. I had got strength to face all that +might be coming in the future. And life has been a different thing to +me ever since. Paul's words, "I can do all things through Christ,"--I +have learned are not his words any more than mine. + +From that time I grew more and more popular in the school. I cannot +tell why; but popularity is a thing that grows upon its own growth. It +was only a little while before my companions almost all made a pet of +me. It is humbling to know that this effect was hastened by some of +the French dresses my mother had sent me, and which convenience +obliged me to wear. They were extremely pretty; the girls came round +me to know where I got them, and talked about who I was; and "Daisy +Randolph," was the name most favoured by their lips from that time +until school closed. With the exception, I must add, of my four +room-mates. Miss St. Clair held herself entirely aloof from me, and +the others chose her party rather than mine. St. Clair never lost, I +think, any good chance or omitted any fair scheme to provoke me; but +all she could do had lost its power. I tried to soften her; but +Faustina was a rock to my advances. I knew I had done irreparable +wrong that evening; the thought of it was almost the only trouble I +had during those months. + +An old trouble was brought suddenly home to me one day. I was told a +person wanted to speak to me in the lower hall. I ran down, and found +Margaret. She was in the cloak and dress I had bought for her; looking +at first very gleeful, and then very business-like, as she brought out +from under her cloak a bit of paper folded with something in it. + +"What is this?" I said, finding a roll of bills. + +"It's my wages, Miss Daisy. I only kept out two dollars, ma'am--I +wanted a pair of shoes so bad--and I couldn't be let go about the +house in them old shoes with holes in 'em; there was holes in both of +'em, Miss Daisy." + +"But your wages, Margaret?" I said--"I have nothing to do with your +wages." + +"Yes, Miss Daisy--they belongs to master, and I allowed to bring 'em +to you. They's all there so fur. It's all right." + +I felt the hot shame mounting to my face. I put the money back in +Margaret's hand, and hurriedly told her to keep it; we were not at +Magnolia; she might do what she liked with the money; it was her own +earnings. + +I shall never forget the girl's confounded look, and then her grin of +brilliant pleasure. I could have burst into tears as I went up the +stairs, thinking of others at home. Yet the question came too, would +my father like what I had been doing? He held the girl to be his +property and her earnings his earnings. Had I been giving Margaret a +lesson in rebellion, and preparing her to claim her rights at some +future day? Perhaps. And I made up my mind that I did not care. Live +upon stolen money I would not, any more than I could help. But was I +not living on it all the while? The old subject brought back! I +worried over it all the rest of the day, with many a look forward and +back. + +As the time of the vacation drew near, I looked hard for news of my +father and mother, or tidings of their coming home. There were none. +Indeed, I got no letters at all. There was nothing to cause uneasiness; +the intervals were often long between one packet of letters and the next; +but I wanted to hear of some change now that the school year was ended. +It had been a good year to me. In that little world I had met and faced +some of the hardest temptations of the great world; they could never be +new to me again; and I had learned both my weakness and my strength. + +No summons to happiness reached me that year. My vacation was spent +again with my Aunt Gary, and without Preston. September saw me quietly +settled at my studies for another school year; to be gone through with +what patience I might. + +That school year had nothing to chronicle. I was very busy, very +popular, kindly treated by my teachers, and happy in a smooth course +of life. Faustina St. Clair had been removed from the school; to some +other I believe; and with her went all my causes of annoyance. The +year rolled round, my father and mother in China or on the high seas; +and my sixteenth summer opened upon me. + +A day or two before the close of school, I was called to the parlour +to see a lady. Not my aunt; it was Mrs. Sandford; and the doctor was +with her. + +I had not seen Mrs. Sandford, I must explain, for nearly a year; she +had been away in another part of the country, far from New York. + +"Why, Daisy!--is this Daisy?" she exclaimed. + +"Is it not?" I asked. + +"Not the old Daisy. You are so grown, my dear!--so--That's right, +Grant; let us have a little light to see each other by." + +"It is Miss Randolph--" said the doctor, after he had drawn up the +window shade. + +"Like her mother! isn't she? and yet, not like--" + +"Not at all like." + +"She is, though, Grant; you are mistaken; she _is_ like her mother; +though as I said, she isn't. I never saw anybody so improved. My dear, +I shall tell all my friends to send their daughters to Mme. Ricard." + +"Dr. Sandford," said I, "Mme. Ricard does not like to have the sun +shine into this room." + +"It's Daisy, too," said the doctor, smiling, as he drew down the shade +again. "Don't _you_ like it, Miss Daisy?" + +"Yes, of course," I said; "but she does not." + +"It is not at all a matter of course," said he; "except as you are +Daisy. Some people, as you have just told me, are afraid of the sun." + +"Oh, that is only for the carpets," I said. + +Dr. Sandford gave me a good look, like one of his looks of old times, +that carried me right back somehow to Juanita's cottage. + +"How do you do, Daisy?" + +"A little pale," said Mrs. Sandford. + +"Let her speak for herself." + +I said I did not know I was pale. + +"Did you know you had head-ache a good deal of the time?" + +"Yes, Dr. Sandford, I knew that. It is not very bad." + +"Does not hinder you from going on with study?" + +"Oh no, never." + +"You have a good deal of time for study at night, too, do you +not?--after the lights are out." + +"At night? how did you know that? But it is not always _study_." + +"No. You consume also a good deal of beef and mutton, nowadays? You +prefer substantials in food as in everything else?" + +I looked at my guardian, very much surprised that he should see all +this in my face, and with a little of my childish fascination about +those steady blue eyes. I could not deny that in these days I scarcely +lived by eating. But in the eagerness and pleasure of my pursuits I +had not missed it, and amid my many busy and anxious thoughts I had +not cared about it. + +"That will do," said the doctor. "Daisy, have you heard lately from +your father or mother?" + +My breath came short as I said no. + +"Nor have I. Failing orders from them, you are bound to respect mine; +and I order you change of air, and to go wherever Mrs. Sandford +proposes to take you." + +"Not before school closes, Dr. Sandford?" + +"Do you care about that?" + +"My dear child," said Mrs. Sandford, "we are going to West Point--and +we want to take you with us. I know you will enjoy it, my dear; and I +shall be delighted to have you. But we want to go next week." + +"Do you care, Daisy?" Dr. Sandford repeated. + +I had to consider. One week more, and the examination would be over +and the school term ended. I was ready for the examination; I expected +to keep my standing, which was very high; by going away now I should +lose that, and miss some distinction. So at least I thought. I found +that several things were at work in my heart that I had not known were +there. After a minute I told Mrs. Sandford I would go with her when +she pleased. + +"You have made up your mind that you do not care about staying to the +end here?" said the doctor. + +"Dr. Sandford," I said, "I believe I _do_ care; but not about anything +worth while." + +He took both my hands, standing before me, and looked at me, I +thought, as if I were the old little child again. + +"A course of fresh air," he said, "will do you more good than a course +of any other thing just now. And we may find 'wonderful things' at +West Point, Daisy." + +"I expect you will enjoy it, Daisy," Mrs. Sandford repeated. + +There was no fear. I knew I should see Preston, at any rate; and I had +been among brick walls for many months. I winced a little at the +thought of missing all I had counted upon at the close of term; but it +was mainly pride that winced, so it was no matter. + +We left the city three or four days later. It was a June day--can I +ever forget it? What a brilliance of remembrance comes over me now? +The bustle of the close schoolrooms, the heat and dust of the sunny +city streets, were all left behind in an hour; and New York was +nowhere! The waves of the river sparkled under a summer breeze; the +wall of the palisades stretched along, like the barriers of fairyland; +so they seemed to me; only the barrier was open and I was about to +enter. So till their grey and green ramparts were passed, and the +broader reaches of the river beyond, and as evening began to draw in +we came to higher shores and a narrower channel, and were threading +our way among the lights and shadows of opposing headlands and +hilltops. It grew but more fresh and fair as the sun got lower. Then, +in a place where the river seemed to come to an end, the "Pipe of +Peace" drew close in under the western shore, to a landing. Buildings +of grey stone clustered and looked over the bank. Close under the +bank's green fringes a little boat-house and large clean wooden pier +received us; from the landing a road went steeply sloping up. I see it +all now in the colours which clothed it then. I think I entered +fairyland when I touched foot to shore. Even down at the landing, +everything was clean and fresh and in order. The green branches of +that thick fringe which reached to the top of the bank had no dust on +them; the rocks were parti-coloured with lichens; the river was +bright, flowing and rippling past; the "Pipe of Peace" had pushed off +and sped on, and in another minute or two was turning the point, and +then--out of sight. Stillness seemed to fill the woods and the air as +the beat of her paddles was lost. I breathed stillness. New York was +fifty miles away, physically and morally at the antipodes. + +I find it hard to write without epithets. As I said I was in +fairyland; and how shall one describe fairyland? + +Dr. Sandford broke upon my reverie by putting me into the omnibus. But +the omnibus quite belonged to fairyland too; it did not go rattling +and jolting, but stole quietly up the long hill; letting me enjoy a +view of the river and the hills of the opposite shore, coloured as +they were by the setting sun, and crisp and sharp in the cool June +air. Then a great round-topped building came in place of my view; the +road took a turn behind it. + +"What is that?" I asked the doctor. + +"I am sorry, Daisy, I don't know. I am quite as ignorant as yourself." + +"That's the riding-hall," I heard somebody say. + +One omnibus full had gone up before us; and there were only two or +three people in ours besides our own party. I looked round, and saw +that the information had been given by a young man in a sort of +uniform; he was all in grey, with large round gilt buttons on his +coat, and a soldier's cap. The words had been spoken in a civil tone, +that tempted me on. + +"Thank you!" I said. "The riding-hall!--who rides in it?" + +"We do," he said, and then smiled,--"The cadets." + +It was a frank smile and a pleasant face and utterly the look of a +gentleman. So, though I saw that he was very much amused, either at +himself or me, I went on-- + +"And those other buildings?" + +"Those are the stables." + +I wondered at the neat beautiful order of the place. Then, the omnibus +slowly mounting the hill, the riding-hall and stables were lost to +sight. Another building, of more pretension, appeared on our left +hand, on the brow of the ascent; our road turned the corner round this +building, and beneath a grove of young trees the gothic buttresses and +windows of grey stone peeped out. Carefully dressed green turf, with +gravelled walks leading from different directions to the doors, looked +as if this was a place of business. Somebody pulled the string here +and the omnibus stopped. + +"This is the library," my neighbour in grey remarked; and with that +rising and lifting his cap, he jumped out. I watched him rapidly +walking into the library; he was tall, very erect, with a fine free +carriage and firm step. But then the omnibus was moving on and I +turned to the other side. And the beauty took away my breath. There +was the green plain girded with trees and houses, beset with hills, +the tops of which I could see in the distance, with the evening light +upon them. The omnibus went straight over the plain; green and smooth +and fresh, it lay on the one side and on the other side of us, +excepting one broad strip on the right. I wondered what had taken off +the grass there; but then we passed within a hedge enclosure and drew +up at the hotel steps. + +"Have you met an acquaintance already, Daisy?" Dr. Sandford asked as +he handed me out. + +"An acquaintance?" said I. "No, but I shall find him soon, I suppose." +For I was thinking of Preston. But I forgot Preston the next minute. +Mrs. Sandford had seized my hand and drew me up the piazza steps and +through the hall, out to the piazza at the north side of the house. I +was in fairyland surely! I had thought so before, but I knew it now. +Those grand hills, in the evening colours, standing over against each +other on the east and on the west, and the full magnificent river +lying between them, bright and stately, were like nothing I had ever +seen or imagined. My memory goes back now to point after point of +delight which bewildered me. There was a dainty little sail sweeping +across just at the bend of the river; I have seen many since; I never +forget that one. There was a shoulder of one of the eastern hills, +thrown out towards the south-west, over which the evening light fell +in a mantle of soft gold, with a fold of shadow on the other side. The +tops of those eastern hills were warm with sunlight, and here and +there a slope of the western hills. There was a point of the lower +ground, thrust out into the river, between me and the eastern shore, +which lay wholly in shadow, one shadow, one soft mass of dusky green, +rounding out into a promontory. Above it, beyond it, at the foot of +the hills, a white church spire rose as sharp as a needle. It is all +before me, even the summer stillness in which my senses were wrapt. +There was a clatter in the house behind me, but I did not hear it +then. + +I was obliged to go away to get ready for tea. The house was full; +only one room could be spared for Mrs. Sandford and me. That one had +been engaged beforehand, and its window looked over the same view I +had seen from the piazza. I took my post at this window while waiting +for Mrs. Sandford. Cooler and crisper the lights, cooler and grayer +the shadows had grown; the shoulder of the east mountain had lost its +mantle of light; just a gleam rested on a peak higher up; and my +single white sail was getting small in the distance, beating up the +river. I was very happy. My school year, practically, was finished, +and I was vaguely expecting some order or turn of affairs which would +join me to my father and mother. I remember well what a flood of +satisfied joy poured into my heart as I stood at the window. I seemed +to my self so very rich, to taste all that delight of hills and river; +the richness of God's giving struck me with a sort of wonder. And then +being so enriched and tasting the deep treasures of heaven and earth +which I had been made to know, happy so exceedingly--it came to my +heart with a kind of pang, the longing to make others know what I +knew; and the secret determination to use all my strength as Christ's +servant--in bringing others to the joy of the knowledge of Him. + +I was called from my window then, and my view was exchanged for the +crowded dining-room, where I could eat nothing. But after tea we got +out upon the piazza again, and a soft north-west breeze seemed to be +food and refreshment too. Mrs. Sandford soon found a colonel and a +general to talk to; but Dr. Sandford sat down by me. + +"How do you like it, Daisy?" + +I told him, and thanked him for bringing me. + +"Are you tired?" + +"No--I don't think I am tired." + +"You are not hungry, of course, for you can eat nothing. Do you think +you shall sleep?" + +"I don't feel like it now. I do not generally get sleepy till a great +while after this." + +"You will go to sleep somewhere about nine o'clock," said the doctor; +"and not wake up till you are called in the morning." + +I thought he was mistaken, but as I could not prove it I said nothing. + +"Are you glad to get away from school?" + +"On some accounts. I like school too, Dr. Sandford; but there are some +things I do not like." + +"That remark might be made, Daisy, about every condition of life with +which I am acquainted." + +"I could not make it just now," I said. He smiled. + +"Have you secured a large circle of friends among your +schoolmates,--that are to last for ever?" + +"I do not think they love me well enough for that," I said, wondering +somewhat at my guardian's questioning mood. + +"Nor you them?" + +"I suppose not." + +"Why, Daisy," said Mrs. Sandford, "I am surprised! I thought you used +to love everybody." + +I tried to think how that might be, and whether I had changed. Dr. +Sandford interrupted my thoughts again-- + +"How is it with friends out of school?" + +"Oh, I have none," I said; thinking only of girls like myself. + +"None?" he said. "Do you really know nobody in New York?" + +"Nobody,--but one old lady." + +"Who is that, Daisy?" + +He asked short and coolly, like one who had a right to know; and then +I remembered he had the right. I gave him Miss Cardigan's name and +number. + +"Who is she? and who lives with her?" + +"Nobody lives with her; she has only her servants." + +"What do you know about her then, besides what she has told you? +Excuse me, and please have the grace to satisfy me." + +"I know I must," I said half laughing. + +"_Must?_" + +"You know I must too, Dr. Sandford." + +"I don't know it, indeed," said he. "I know I must ask; but I do not +know what power can force you to answer." + +"Isn't it my duty, Dr. Sandford?" + +"Nobody but Daisy Randolph would have asked that question," he said. +"Well, if duty is on my side, I know I am powerful. But, Daisy, you +always used to answer me, in times when there was no duty in the +case." + +"I remember," I said, smiling to think of it; "but I was a child then, +Dr. Sandford." + +"Oh!--Well, apropos of duty, you may go on about Miss Cardigan." + +"I do not know a great deal to tell. Only that she is very good, very +kind to me and everybody; very rich, I believe; and very wise, I +think. I know nothing more--except the way her money was made." + +"How was it?" + +"I have heard that her mother was a marketwoman," I said very +unwillingly; for I knew the conclusions that would be drawn. + +"Is it likely," Dr. Sandford said slowly, "that the daughter of a +marketwoman should be a good friend in every respect for the daughter +of Mrs. Randolph?" + +"It may not be _likely_," I answered with equal slowness;--"but it is +true." + +"Can you prove your position, Daisy?" + +"What is your objection to her, Dr. Sandford?" + +"Simply what you have told me. The different classes of society are +better apart." + +I was silent. If Miss Cardigan was not of my class, I knew I wanted to +be of hers. There were certain words running in my head about "a royal +priesthood, a peculiar people," and certain other words too--which I +thought it was no use to tell Dr. Sandford. + +"She has no family, you say, nor friends who live with her, or whom +you meet at her house?" + +"None at all. I think she is quite alone." + +There was silence again. That is, between the doctor and me. Mrs. +Sandford and her officers kept up a great run of talk hard by. + +"Now, Daisy," said the doctor, "you have studied the matter, and I do +not doubt you have formed a philosophy of your own by this time. Pray +make me the wiser." + +"I have no philosophy of my own, Dr. Sandford." + +"Your own thus far, that nobody shares it with you." + +"Is that your notion of me?" I said, laughing. + +"A very good notion. Nothing is worse than commonplace people. Indulge +me, Daisy." + +So I thought I had better. + +"Dr. Sandford--if you will indulge me. What is _your_ notion of +dignity?" + +He passed his hand over his hair, with a comical face. It was a very +fine face, as I knew long ago; even a noble face. A steady, clear, +blue eye like his, gives one a sure impression of power in the +character, and of sweetness, too. I was glad he had asked me the +question, but I waited for him to answer mine first. + +"My notion of dignity!" he exclaimed. "I don't believe I have any, +Daisy." + +"No, but we are talking seriously." + +"Very. We always are when you are one of the talkers." + +"Then please explain your notion of dignity." + +"I know it when I see it," said the doctor; "but faith! I don't know +what makes it." + +"Yes, but you think some people, or some classes, are set up above +others." + +"So do you." + +"What do you think makes the highest class, then?" + +"You are going too deep, or too high, which is the same thing. All I +mean is, that certain feet which fate has planted on lofty levels, +ought not to come down from them." + +"But it is good to know where we stand." + +"Very," said Dr. Sandford, laughing. That is, in his way of laughing. +It was never loud. + +"I will tell you where I want to stand," I went on. "It is the highest +level of all. The Lord Jesus said, 'Whosoever shall do the will of my +Father which is in heaven, the same is MY BROTHER, and MY SISTER, and +MOTHER.' I want to be one of those." + +"But, Daisy," said Dr. Sandford, "the society of the world is not +arranged on that principle." + +I knew it very well. I said nothing. + +"And you cannot, just yet, go out of the world." + +It was no use to tell Dr. Sandford what I thought. I was silent still. + +"Daisy," said he, "you are worse than you used to be." And I heard a +little concern in his words, only half hid by the tone. + +"You do not suppose that such words as those you quoted just now, were +meant to be a practical guide in the daily affairs of life? Do you?" + +"How can I help it, Dr. Sandford?" I answered. "I would like to have +my friends among those whom the King will call His sisters and +brothers." + +"And what do you think of correct grammar, and clean hands?" he asked. + +"Clean hands!" I echoed. + +"You like them," he said, smiling. "The people you mean often go +without them--if report says true." + +"Not the people _I_ mean," I said. + +"And education, Daisy; and refined manners; and cultivated tastes; +what will you do without all these? In the society you speak of they +are seldom found." + +"You do not know the society I speak of, Dr. Sandford; and Miss +Cardigan has all these, more or less; besides something a great deal +better." + +Dr. Sandford rose up suddenly and introduced me to a Captain Southgate +who came up; and the conversation ran upon West Point things and +nothings after that. I was going back over my memory, to find in how +far religion had been associated with some other valued things in the +instances of my experience, and I heard little of what was said. Mr. +Dinwiddie had been a gentleman, as much as any one I ever knew; he was +the first. My old Juanita had the manners of a princess, and the tact +of a fine lady. Miss Cardigan was a capital compound of sense, +goodness, business energies, and gentle wisdom. The others--well, yes, +they were of the despised orders of the world. My friend Darry, at the +stables of Magnolia--my friend Maria, in the kitchen of the great +house--the other sable and sober faces that came around theirs in +memory's grouping--they were not educated nor polished nor elegant. +Yet well I knew, that having owned Christ before men, He would own +them before the angels of heaven; and what would they be in that day! +I was satisfied to be numbered with them. + +I slept, as Dr. Sandford had prophesied I would that night. I awoke to +a vision of beauty. + +My remembrance of those days that followed is like a summer morning, +with a diamond hanging to every blade of grass. + +I awoke suddenly, that first day, and rushed to the window. The light had +broken, the sun was up; the crown of the morning was upon the heads of +the hills; here and there a light wreath of mist lay along their sides, +floating slowly off, or softly dispersing; the river lay in quiet beauty +waiting for the gilding that should come upon it. I listened--the brisk +notes of a drum and fife came to my ear, playing one after another +joyous and dancing melody. I thought that never was a place so utterly +delightsome as this place. With all speed I dressed myself, noiselessly, +so as not to waken Mrs. Sandford; and then I resolved I would go out and +see if I could not find a place where I could be by myself; for in the +house there was no chance of it. I took Mr. Dinwiddie's Bible and stole +downstairs. From the piazza where we had sat last night, a flight of +steps led down. I followed it and found another flight, and still +another. The last landed me in a gravelled path; one track went down the +steep face of the bank, on the brow of which the hotel stood; another +track crossed that and wound away to my right, with a gentle downward +slope. I went this way. The air was delicious; the woods were musical +with birds; the morning light filled my pathway and glancing from trees +or rocks ahead of me, lured me on with a promise of glory. I seemed to +gather the promise as I went, and still I was drawn farther and farther. +Glimpses of the river began to show through the trees; for all this bank +side was thickly wooded. I left walking and took to running. At last I +came out upon another gravelled walk, low down on the hillside, lying +parallel with the river and open to it. Nothing lay between but some +masses of granite rock, grey and lichened, and a soft fringe of green +underbrush and small wood in the intervals. Moreover, I presently found a +comfortable seat on a huge grey stone, where the view was uninterrupted +by any wood growth; and if I thought before that this was fairyland, I +now almost thought myself a fairy. The broad river was at my feet; the +morning light was on all the shores, sparkled from the granite rocks +below me and flashed from the polished leaves, and glittered on the +water; filling all the blue above with radiance; touching here and there +a little downy cloud; entering in and lying on my heart. I shall never +forget it. The taste of the air was as one tastes life and strength and +vigour. It all rolled in on me a great burden of joy. + +It was not the worst time or place in the world to read the Bible. But +how all the voices of nature seemed to flow in and mix with the +reading, I cannot tell, no more than I can number them; the whirr of a +bird's wing, the liquid note of a wood thrush, the stir and movement +of a thousand leaves, the gurgle of rippling water, the crow's call, +and the song-sparrow's ecstasy. Once or twice the notes of a bugle +found their way down the hill, and reminded me that I was in a place +of delightful novelty. It was just a fillip to my enjoyment, as I +looked on and off my page alternately. + +By and by I heard footsteps, quick yet light footsteps, sounding on +the gravel. Measured and quick they came; then two figures rounded a +point close by me. There were two, but their footfalls had sounded as +one. They were dressed alike, all in grey, like my friend in the +omnibus. As they passed me, the nearest one hastily pulled off his +cap, and I caught just a flash from a bright eye. It was the same. I +looked after them as they left my point and were soon lost behind +another; thinking that probably Preston was dressed so and had been +taught to walk so; and with renewed admiration of a place where the +inhabitants kept such an exquisite neatness in their dress and moved +like music. There was a fulness of content in my mind, as at length I +slowly went back up my winding path to the hotel, warned by the +furious sounds of a gong that breakfast was in preparation. + +As I toiled up the last flight of steps I saw Dr. Sandford on the +piazza. His blue eye looked me all over and looked me through, I felt. +I was accustomed to that, both from the friend and the physician, and +rather liked it. + +"What is on the other side of the house?" I asked. + +"Let us go and see." And as we went, the doctor took my book from my +hand to carry it for me. He opened it, too, and looked at it. On the +other side or two sides of the house stretched away the level green +plain. At the back of it, stood houses half hidden by trees; indeed +all round two sides of the plain there was a border of buildings and +of flourishing trees as well. Down the north side, from the hotel +where we were, a road went winding: likewise under arching trees; here +and there I could see cannon and a bit of some military work. All the +centre of the plain was level and green, and empty; and from the hotel +to the library stretched a broad strip of bare ground, brown and +dusty, alongside of the road by which we had come across last night. +In the morning sun, as indeed under all other lights and at all other +hours, this scene was one of satisfying beauty. Behind the row of +houses at the western edge of the plain, the hills rose up, green and +wooded, height above height; and an old fortification stood out now +under the eastern illumination, picturesque and grey, high up among +them. As Dr. Sandford and I were silent and looking, I saw another +grey figure pass down the road. + +"Who are those people that wear grey, with a black stripe down the +leg?" I asked. + +"Grey?" said the doctor. "Where?" + +"There is one yonder under the trees," I said, "and there was one in +the omnibus yesterday. Are those the cadets?" + +"I suppose so." + +"Then Preston wears that dress. I wonder how I shall find him, Dr. +Sandford?" + +"Find whom?" said the doctor, waking up. + +"My cousin Preston--Preston Gary. He is here." + +"Here?" repeated the doctor. + +"Yes--he is a cadet--didn't you know it? He has been here a long +while; he has only one more year, I believe. How can we find him, Dr. +Sandford?" + +"I am ignorant, Daisy." + +"But we must find him," I said, "for of course he will want to see me, +and I want to see him, very much." + +The doctor was silent, and I remember an odd sense I had that he was +not pleased. I cannot tell how I got it; he neither did nor said +anything to make me think so; he did not even look anywise different +from usual; yet I felt it and was sure of it, and unspeakably +mystified at it. Could Preston have been doing anything wrong? Yet the +doctor would not know that, for he was not even aware that Preston was +in the Military Academy till I told him. + +"I do not know, Daisy," he said at last; "but we can find out. I will +ask Captain Southgate or somebody else." + +"Thank you," I said. "Who are those, Dr. Sandford, those others dressed +in dark frock coats, with bright bars over their shoulders?--like that +one just now going out of the gate?" + +"Those are officers of the army." + +"There are a good many of them. What are they here for? Are there many +soldiers here?" + +"No--" said the doctor, "I believe not. I think these gentlemen are +put here to look after the grey coats--the cadets, Daisy, The cadets +are here in training, you know." + +"But that officer who just went out--who is walking over the plain +now--he wore a sword, Dr. Sandford; and a red sash. They do not all +wear them. What is that for?" + +"What is under discussion?" said Mrs. Sandford, coming out. "How well +Daisy looks this morning, don't she?" + +"She has caught the military fever already," said the doctor. "I +brought her here for a sedative; but I find it is no such matter." + +"Sedative!" said Mrs. Sandford; but at this instant my ears were +"caught" by a burst of music on the plain. Mrs. Sandford broke into a +fit of laughter. The doctor's hand touched my shoulder. + +"Get your hat, Daisy," he said, "I will go with you to hear it." + +I might tell of pleasure from minute to minute of that day, and of the +days following. The breath of the air, the notes of the wind instruments, +the flicker of sunlight on the gravel, all come back to me as I write, +and I taste them again. Dr. Sandford and I went down the road I have +described, leading along the edge of the plain at its northern border; +from which the view up over the river, between the hills, was very +glorious. Fine young trees shaded this road; on one side a deep hollow or +cup in the green plain excited my curiosity; on the other, lying a little +down the bank, a military work of some odd sort planted with guns. Then +one or two pyramidal heaps of cannon-balls by the side of the road, +marked this out as unlike all other roads I had ever traversed. At the +farther side of the plain we came to the row of houses I had seen from a +distance, which ran north and south, looking eastward over all the plain. +The road which skirted these houses was shaded with large old trees, and +on the edge of the greensward under the trees we found a number of iron +seats placed for the convenience of spectators. And here, among many +others, Dr. Sandford and I sat down. + +There was a long line of the grey uniforms now drawn up in front of +us; at some little distance; standing still and doing nothing, that I +could see. Nearer to us and facing them stood a single grey figure; I +looked hard, but could not make out that it was Preston. Nearer still, +stood with arms folded one of those whom the doctor had said were army +officers; I thought, the very one I had seen leave the hotel; but all +like statues, motionless and fixed. Only the band seemed to have some +life in them. + +"What is it, Dr. Sandford?" I whispered, after a few minutes of +intense enjoyment. + +"Don't know, Daisy." + +"But what are they doing?" + +"I don't know, Daisy." + +I nestled down into silence again, listening, almost with a doubt of +my own senses, as the notes of the instruments mingled with the summer +breeze and filled the June sunshine. The plain looked most beautiful, +edged with trees on three sides, and bounded to the east, in front of +me, by a chain of hills soft and wooded, which I afterwards found were +beyond the river. Near at hand, the order of military array, the flash +of a sword, the glitter of an epaulette, the glance of red sashes here +and there, the regularity of a perfect machine. I said nothing more to +Dr. Sandford; but I gathered drop by drop the sweetness of the time. + +The statues broke into life a few minutes later, and there was a stir +of business of some sort; but I could make out nothing of what they +were doing. I took it on trust, and enjoyed everything to the full +till the show was over. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +YANKEES. + + +For several days I saw nothing of Preston. He was hardly missed. + +I found that such a parade as that which pleased me the first morning +came off twice daily; and other military displays, more extended and +more interesting, were to be looked for every day at irregular times. +I failed not of one. So surely as the roll of the drum or a strain of +music announced that something of the sort was on hand, I caught up my +hat and was ready. And so was Dr. Sandford. Mrs. Sandford would often +not go; but the doctor's hat was as easily put on as mine, and as +readily; and he attended me, I used to think, as patiently as a great +Newfoundland dog. As patient, and as supreme. The evolutions of +soldiers and clangour of martial music were nothing to _him_, but he +must wait upon his little mistress. I mean of course the Newfoundland +dog; not Dr. Sandford. + +"Will you go for a walk, Daisy?" he said, the morning of the third or +fourth day. "There is nothing doing on the plain, I find." + +"A walk? Oh, yes!" I said. "Where shall we go?" + +"To look for wonderful things," he said. + +"Only don't take the child among the rattlesnakes," said Mrs. +Sandford. "_They_ are wonderful, I suppose, but not pleasant. You will +get her all tanned, Grant!" + +But I took these hints of danger as coolly as the doctor himself did; +and another of my West Point delights began. + +We went beyond the limits of the post, passed out at one of the gates +which shut it in from the common world, and forgot for the moment +drums and fifes. Up the mountain side, under the shadow of the trees +most of the time, though along a good road; with the wild hill at one +hand rising sharp above us. Turning round that, we finally plunged +down into a grand dell of the hills, leaving all roads behind and all +civilization, and having a whole mountain between us and the West +Point plain. I suppose it might have been a region for rattlesnakes, +but I never thought of them. I had never seen such a place in my life. +From the bottom of the gorge where we were, the opposite mountain side +sloped up to a great height; wild, lonely, green with a wealth of +wood, stupendous, as it seemed to me, in its towering expanse. At our +backs, a rocky and green precipice rose up more steeply yet, though to +a lesser elevation, topped with the grey walls of the old fort, the +other face of which I had seen from our hotel. A wilderness of nature +it was; wild and stern. I feasted on it. Dr. Sandford was moving +about, looking for something; he helped me over rocks, and jumped me +across morasses, and kept watchful guard of me; but else he let me +alone; he did not talk, and I had quite enough without. The strong +delight of the novelty, the freedom, the delicious wild things around, +the bracing air, the wonderful lofty beauty, made me as happy as I +thought I could be. I feasted on the rocks and wild verdure, the +mosses and ferns and lichen, the scrub forest and tangled undergrowth, +among which we plunged and scrambled: above all, on those vast leafy +walls which shut in the glen, and almost took away my breath with +their towering lonely grandeur. All this time Dr. Sandford was as busy +as a bee, in quest of something. He was a great geologist and +mineralogist; a lover of all natural science, but particularly of +chemistry and geology. When I stopped to look at him, I thought he +must have put his own tastes in his pocket for several days past that +he might gratify mine. I was standing on a rock, high and dry and grey +with lichen; he was poking about in some swampy ground. + +"Are you tired, Daisy?" he said, looking up. + +"My feet are tired," I said. + +"That is all of you that can be tired. Sit down where you are--I will +come to you directly." + +So I sat down and watched him, and looked off between whiles to the +wonderful green walls of the glen. The summer blue was very clear +overhead; the stillness of the place very deep; insects, birds, a +flutter of leaves, and the grating of Dr. Sandford's boot upon a +stone, all the sounds that could be heard. + +"Why you are warm, as well as tired, Daisy," he said, coming up to my +rock at last. + +"It _is_ warm," I answered. + +"Warm?" said he. "Look here, Daisy!" + +"Well, what in the world is that?" I said, laughing. "A little mud or +earth is all that I can see." + +"Ah, your eyes are not good for much, Daisy--except to look at." + +"Not good for much for _that_," I said, amused; for his eyes were bent +upon the earth in his hand. + +"I don't know," said he, getting up on the rock beside me and sitting +down. "I used to find strange things in them once. But this is +something you will like, Daisy." + +"Is it?" + +"If you like wonderful things as well as ever." + +"Oh, I do!" I said. "What is it, Dr. Sandford?" + +He carefully wrapped up his treasure in a bit of paper and put it in +his pocket; then he cut down a small hickory branch and began to fan +me with it; and while he sat there fanning me he entered upon a +lecture such as I had never listened to in my life. I had studied a +little geology of course, as well as a little of everything else; but +no lesson like this had come in the course of my experience. Taking +his text from the very wild glen where we were sitting and the +mountain sides upon which I had been gazing, Dr. Sandford spread a +clear page of nature before me and interpreted it. He answered +unspoken questions; he filled great vacancies of my ignorance; into +what had been abysms of thought he poured a whole treasury of +intelligence and brought floods of light. All so quietly, so +luminously, with such a wealth of knowledge and facility of giving it, +that it is a simple thing to say no story of Eastern magic was ever +given into more charmed ears around an Arabian desert fire. I listened +and he talked and fanned me. He talked like one occupied with his +subject and not with me: but he met every half-uttered doubt or +question, and before he had done he satisfied it fully. I had always +liked Dr. Sandford; I had never liked him so much; I had never, since +the old childish times, had such a free talk with him. And now, he did +not talk to me as a child or a very young girl, except in bending +himself to my ignorance; but as one who loves knowledge likes to give +it to others, so he gave it to me. Only I do not remember seeing him +like to give it in such manner to anybody else. I think the novelty +added to the zest when I thought about it; at the moment I had no time +for side thoughts. At the moment my ears could but receive the pearls +and diamonds of knowledge which came from the speaker's lips, set in +silver of the simplest clear English. I notice that the people who +have the most thorough grasp of a subject make ever least difficulty +of words about it. + +The sun was high and hot when we returned, but I cared nothing for +that. I was more than ever sure that West Point was fairyland. The old +spring of childish glee seemed to have come back to my nerves. + +"Dinner is just ready," said Mrs. Sandford, meeting us in the hall. +"Why, where _have_ you been? And look at the colour of Daisy's face! +Oh, Grant, what have you done with her?" + +"Very good colour--" said the doctor, peering under my hat. + +"She's all flushed and sunburnt, and overheated." + +"Daisy is never anything but cool," he said; "unless when she gets +hold of a principle, and somebody else gets hold of the other end. +We'll look at these things after dinner, Daisy." + +"Principles?" half exclaimed Mrs. Sandford, with so dismayed an +expression that the doctor and I both laughed. + +"Not exactly," said the doctor, putting his hand in his pocket. "Look +here." + +"I see nothing but a little dirt." + +"You shall see something else by and by--if you will." + +"You have never brought your microscope here, Grant? Where in the +world will you set it up?" + +"In your room--after dinner--if you permit." + +Mrs. Sandford permitted; and though she did not care much about the +investigations that followed, the doctor and I did. As delightful as +the morning had been, the long afternoon stretched its bright hours +along; till Mrs. Sandford insisted I must be dressed, and pushed the +microscope into a corner and ordered the doctor away. + +That was the beginning of the pleasantest course of lessons I ever had in +my life. From that time Dr. Sandford and I spent a large part of every +day in the hills; and often another large part over the microscope. No +palace and gardens in the Arabian nights were ever more enchanting, than +the glories of nature through which he led me; nor half so wonderful. "A +little dirt," as it seemed to ordinary eyes, was the hidden entrance way +ofttimes to halls of knowledge more magnificent and more rich than my +fancy had ever dreamed of. + +Meanwhile, Mrs. Sandford found a great many officers to talk to. + +It was not till the evening of the next day following my first walk +into the mountains, that I saw Preston. It was parade time; and I was +sitting as usual on one of the iron settees which are placed for the +convenience of spectators. I was almost always there at parade and +guardmounting. The picture had a continual fascination for me, whether +under the morning sun, or the evening sunset; and the music was +charming. This time I was alone, Dr. and Mrs. Sandford being engaged +in conversation with friends at a little distance. Following with my +ear the variations of the air the band were playing my mind was at the +same time dwelling on the riches it had just gained in the natural +history researches of the day, and also taking in half consciously +the colours of the hills and the light that spread over the plain; +musing, in short, in a kind of dream of delight; when a grey figure +came between me and my picture. Finding that it did not move, I raised +my eyes. + +"The same Daisy as ever!" said Preston, his eyes all alight with fun +and pleasure. "The same as ever! And how came you here? and when did +you come? and how did you come?" + +"We have been here ever since Friday. Why haven't you been to see me? +Dr. Sandford sent word to you." + +"Dr. Sandford!" said Preston, taking the place by my side. "How did +you come here, Daisy?" + +"I came by the boat, last Friday. How should I come?" + +"Who are you with?" + +"Dr. Sandford--and Mrs. Sandford." + +"_Mrs._ Sandford, and Dr. Sandford," said Preston, pointedly. "You are +not with the doctor, I suppose." + +"Why yes, I am," I answered. "He is my guardian--don't you know, +Preston? He brought me. How tall you have grown!" + +"A parcel of Yankees," said Preston. "Poor little Daisy." + +"What do you mean by 'Yankees'?" I said. "You do not mean just people +at the North, for you speak as if it was something bad." + +"It is. So I do," said Preston. "They are a mean set--fit for nothing +but to eat codfish and scrape. I wish you had nothing to do with +Yankees." + +I thought how all the South lived upon stolen earnings. It was a +disagreeable turn to my meditations for a moment. + +"Where have you hid yourself since you have come here?" Preston went +on. "I have been to the hotel time and again to find you." + +"Have you!" I said. "Oh, I suppose I was out walking." + +"With whom were you walking." + +"I don't know anybody here, but those I came with. But, Preston, why +are you not over yonder with the others?" + +I was looking at the long grey line formed in front of us on the +plain. + +"I got leave of absence, to come and see you, Daisy. And _you_ have +grown, and improved. You're wonderfully improved. Are you the very +same Daisy? and what are you going to do here?" + +"Oh, I'm enjoying myself. Now, Preston why does that man stand so?" + +"What man?" + +"That officer--here in front, standing all alone, with the sash and +sword. Why does he stand so?" + +"Hush. That is Captain Percival. He is the officer in charge." + +"What is that?" + +"Oh, he looks after the parade, and things." + +"But why does he stand so, Preston?" + +"Stand how?" said Preston, unsympathizingly. "That is good standing." + +"Why, with his shoulders up to his ears," I said; "and his arms lifted +up as if he was trying to put his elbows upon a high shelf. It is +_very_ awkward." + +"They all stand so," said Preston. "That's right enough." + +"It is ungraceful." + +"It is military." + +"Must one be ungraceful in order to be military?" + +"_He_ isn't ungraceful. That is Percival--of South Carolina." + +"The officer yesterday stood a great deal better," I went on. + +"Yesterday? That was Blunt. He's a Yankee." + +"Well, what then, Preston?" I said laughing. + +"I despise them!" + +"Aren't there Yankees among the cadets?" + +"Of course; but they are no count--only here and there there's one of +good family. Don't you have anything to do with them, Daisy!--mind;--not +with one of them, unless I tell you who he is." + +"With one of whom? What are you speaking of?" + +"The cadets." + +"Why I have nothing to do with them," I said. "How should I?" + +Preston looked at me curiously. + +"Nor at the hotel, neither, Daisy--more than you can help. Have +nothing to say to the Yankees." + +I thought Preston had taken a strange fancy. I was silent. + +"It is not fitting," he went on. "We are going to change all that. I +want to have nothing to do with Yankees." + +"What are you going to change?" I asked. "I don't see how you can help +having to do with them. They are among the cadets, and they are among +the officers." + +"We have our own set," said Preston. "I have nothing to do with them +in the corps." + +"Now, Preston, look; what are they about? All the red sashes are +getting together." + +"Parade is dismissed. They are coming up to salute the officer in +charge." + +"It is so pretty!" I said, as the music burst out again, and the +measured steps of the advancing line of "red sashes" marked it. "And +now Captain Percival will unbend his stiff elbows. Why could not all +that be done easily, Preston?" + +"Nonsense, Daisy!--it is military." + +"Is it? But Mr. Blunt did it a great deal better. Now they are going. +Must you go?" + +"Yes. What are you going to do to-morrow?" + +"I don't know--I suppose we shall go into the woods again." + +"When the examination is over, I can attend to you. I haven't much +time just now. But there is really nothing to be done here, since one +can't get on horseback out of the hours." + +"I don't want anything better than I can get on my own feet," I said +joyously. "I find plenty to do." + +"Look here, Daisy," said Preston--"don't you turn into a masculine, +muscular woman, that can walk her twenty miles and wear hobnailed +shoes--like the Yankees you are among. Don't forget that you are the +daughter of a Southern gentleman--" + +He touched his cap hastily and turned away--walking with those +measured steps towards the barracks; whither now all the companies of +grey figures were in full retreat. I stood wondering, and then slowly +returned with my friends to the hotel; much puzzled to account for +Preston's discomposure and strange injunctions. The sunlight had left +the tops of the hills; the river slept in the gathering grey shadows, +soft, tranquil, reposeful. Before I got to the hotel, I had quite made +up my mind that my cousin's eccentricities were of no consequence. + +They recurred to me, however, and were as puzzling as ever. I had no +key at the time. + +The next afternoon was given to a very lively show: the light +artillery drill before the Board of Visitors. We sat out under the +trees to behold it; and I found out now the meaning of the broad +strip of plain between the hotel and the library, which was brown and +dusty in the midst of the universal green. Over this strip, round and +round, back, and forth, and across, the light artillery wagons rushed, +as if to show what they could do in time of need. It was a beautiful +sight, exciting and stirring; with the beat of horses' hoofs, the +clatter of harness, the rumble of wheels tearing along over the +ground, the flash of a sabre now and then, the ringing words of +command, and the soft, shrill echoing bugle which repeated them. I +only wanted to understand it all; and in the evening I plied Preston +with questions. He explained things to me patiently. + +"I understand," I said, at last, "I understand what it would do in war +time. But we are not at war, Preston." + +"No." + +"Nor in the least likely to be." + +"We can't tell. It is good to be ready." + +"But what do you mean?" I remember saying. "You speak as if we might +be at war. Who is there for us to fight?" + +"Anybody that wants putting in order," said Preston. "The Indians." + +"O Preston, Preston!" I exclaimed. "The Indians! when we have been +doing them wrong ever since the white men came here; and you want to +do them more wrong!" + +"I want to hinder them from doing us wrong. But I don't care about the +Indians, little Daisy. I would just as lief fight the Yankees." + +"Preston, I think you are very wrong." + +"You think all the world is," he said. + +We were silent, and I felt very dissatisfied. What _was_ all this +military schooling a preparation for, perhaps? How could we know. +Maybe these heads and hands, so gay to-day in their mock fight, would +be grimly and sadly at work by and by, in real encounter with some +real enemy. + +"Do you see that man, Daisy?" whispered Preston, suddenly in my ear. +"That one talking to a lady in blue." + +We were on the parade ground, among a crowd of spectators, for the +hotels were very full, and the Point very gay now. I said I saw him. + +"That is a great man." + +"Is he?" I said, looking and wondering if a great man could hide +behind such a physiognomy. + +"Other people think so, I can tell you," said Preston. "Nobody knows +what that man can do. That is Davis of Mississippi." + +The name meant nothing to me then. I looked at him as I would have +looked at another man. And I did not like what I saw. Something of +sinister, nothing noble, about the countenance; power there might +be--Preston said there was--but the power of the fox and the vulture +it seemed to me; sly, crafty, selfish, cruel. + +"If nobody knows what he can do, how is it so certain that he is a +great man?" I asked. Preston did not answer. "I hope there are not +many great men that look like him." I went on. + +"Nonsense, Daisy!" said Preston, in an energetic whisper. "That is +Davis of Mississippi." + +"Well?" said I. "That is no more to me than if he were Jones of New +York." + +"Daisy!" said Preston. "If you are not a true Southerner, I will never +love you any more." + +"What do you mean by a true Southerner? I do not understand." + +"Yes, you do. A true Southerner is always a Southerner, and takes the +part of a Southerner in every dispute--right or wrong." + +"What makes you dislike Northerners so much?" + +"Cowardly Yankees!" was Preston's reply. + +"You must have an uncomfortable time among them, if you feel so," I +said. + +"There are plenty of the true sort here. I wish you were in Paris, +Daisy; or somewhere else." + +"Why?" I said, laughing. + +"Safe with my mother, or _your_ mother. You want teaching. You are too +latitudinarian. And you are too thick with the Yankees, by half." + +I let this opinion alone, as I could do nothing with it; and our +conversation broke off with Preston in a very bad humour. + +The next day, when we were deep in the woods, I asked Dr. Sandford if +he knew Mr. Davis of Mississippi. He answered Yes, rather drily. I +knew the doctor knew everybody. + +I asked why Preston called him a great man. + +"Does he call him a great man?" Dr. Sandford asked. + +"Do you?" + +"No, not I, Daisy. But that may not hinder the fact. And I may not +have Mr. Gary's means of judging." + +"What means can he have?" I said. + +"Daisy," said Dr. Sandford suddenly, when I had forgotten the question +in plunging through a thicket of brushwood, "if the North and the +South should split on the subject of slavery, what side would you +take?" + +"What do you mean by a 'split'?" I asked slowly, in my wonderment. + +"The States are not precisely like a perfect crystal, Daisy, and +there is an incipient cleavage somewhere about Mason and Dixon's +line." + +"I do not know what line that is." + +"No. Well, for practical purposes, you may take it as the line between +the slave States and the free." + +"But how could there be a split?" I asked. + +"There is a wedge applied even now, Daisy--the question whether the +new States forming out of our Western territories, shall have slavery +in them or shall be free States." + +I was silent upon this; and we walked and climbed for a little +distance, without my remembering our geological or mineralogical, or +any other objects in view. + +"The North say," Dr. Sandford then went on, "that these States shall +be free. The South--or some men at the South--threaten that if they +be, the South will split from the North, have nothing to do with us, +and set up for themselves." + +"Who is to decide it?" I asked. + +"The people. This fall the election will be held for the next +President; and that will show. If a slavery man be chosen, we shall +know that a majority of the nation go with the Southern view." + +"If not?"-- + +"Then there may be trouble, Daisy." + +"What sort of trouble?" I asked hastily. + +Dr. Sandford hesitated, and then said, "I do not know how far people +will go." + +I mused, and forgot the sweet flutter of green leaves, and smell of +moss and of hemlock, and golden bursts of sunshine, amongst which we +were pursuing our way. Preston's strange heat and Southernism, Mr. +Davis's wile and greatness, a coming disputed election, quarrels +between the people where I was born and the people where I was brought +up, divisions and jealousies, floated before my mind in unlovely and +confused visions. Then, remembering my father and my mother and Gary +McFarlane, and others whom I had known, I spoke again. + +"Whatever the Southern people say, they will do, Dr. Sandford." + +"_Provided_--" said the doctor. + +"What, if you please?" + +"Provided the North will let them, Daisy." + +I thought privately they could not hinder. Would there be a trial? +Could it be possible there would be a trial? + +"But you have not answered my question," said the doctor. "Aren't you +going to answer it?" + +"What question?" + +"As to the side you would take." + +"I do not want any more slave States, Dr. Sandford." + +"I thought so. Then you would be with the North." + +"But people will never be so foolish as to come to what you call a +'split,' Dr. Sandford." + +"Upon my word, Daisy, as the world is at present, the folly of a thing +is no presumptive argument against its coming into existence. +Look--here we shall get a nice piece of quartz for your collection." + +I came back to the primary rocks, and for the present dismissed the +subject of the confusions existing on the surface of the earth; hoping +sincerely that there would be no occasion for calling it up again. + +For some time I saw very little of Preston. He was busy, he said. My +days flowed on like the summer sunshine, and were as beneficent. I was +gaining strength every day. Dr. Sandford decreed that I must stay as +long as possible. Then Mr. Sandford came, the doctor's brother, and +added his social weight to our party. Hardly needed, for I perceived +that we were very much sought after; at least my companions. The +doctor in especial was a very great favourite, both with men and +women; who I notice are most ready to bestow their favour where it is +least cared for. I don't know but Dr. Sandford cared for it; only he +did not show that he did. The claims of society however began to +interfere with my geological and other lessons. + +A few days after his brother's arrival, the doctor had been carried +off by a party of gentlemen who were going back in the mountains to +fish in the White Lakes. I was left to the usual summer delights of +the place; which indeed to me were numberless; began with the echo of +the morning gun (or before) and ended not till the three taps of the +drum at night. The cadets had gone into camp by this time; and the +taps of the drum were quite near, as well as the shrill sweet notes of +the fife at reveille and tattoo. The camp itself was a great pleasure +to me; and at guardmounting or parade I never failed to be in my +place. Only to sit in the rear of the guard tents and watch the +morning sunlight on the turf, and on the hills over the river, and +shining down the camp alleys, was a rich satisfaction. Mrs. Sandford +laughed at me; her husband said it was "natural," though I am sure he +did not understand it a bit; but the end of all was, that I was left +very often to go alone down the little path to the guard tents among +the crowd that twice a day poured out there from our hotel and met the +crowd that came up from Cozzens's hotel below. + +So it was, one morning that I remember. Guardmounting was always late +enough to let one feel the sun's power; and it was a sultry morning, +this. We were in July now, and misty, vaporous clouds moved slowly +over the blue sky, seeming to intensify the heat of the unclouded +intervals. But wonderful sweet it was; and I under the shade of my +flat hat, with a little help from the foliage of a young tree, did not +mind it at all. Every bit of the scene was a pleasure to me; I missed +none of the details. The files of cadets in the camp alleys getting +their arms inspected; the white tents themselves, with curtains +tightly done up; here and there an officer crossing the camp ground +and stopping to speak to an orderly; then the coming up of the band, +the music, the marching out of the companies; the leisurely walk from +the camp of the officer in charge, drawing on his white gloves; his +stand and his attitude; and then the pretty business of the parade. +All under that July sky; all under that flicker of cloud and sun, and +the soft sweet breath of air that sometimes stole to us to relieve the +hot stillness; and all with that setting and background of cedars and +young foliage and bordering hills over which the cloud shadows swept. +Then came the mounting-guard business. By and by Preston came to me. + +"Awfully hot, Daisy!" he said. + +"Yes, you are out in it," I said, compassionately. + +"What are _you_ out in it for?" + +"Why, I like it," I said. "How come you to be one of the red sashes +this morning?" + +"I have been an officer of the guard this last twenty-four hours." + +"Since yesterday morning?" + +"Yes." + +"Do you like it, Preston?" + +"_Like_ it!" he said. "Like guard duty! Why, Daisy, when a fellow has +left his shoe-string untied, or something or other like that, they put +him on extra guard duty to punish him." + +"Did you ever do so, Preston?" + +"Did I ever do so?" he repeated savagely. "Do you think I have been +raised like a Yankee, to take care of my shoes? That Blunt is just fit +to stand behind a counter and measure inches!" + +I was very near laughing, but Preston was not in a mood to bear +laughing at. + +"I don't think it is beneath a gentleman to keep his shoe-strings +tied," I said. + +"A gentleman can't always think of everything!" he replied. + +"Then you are glad you have only one year more at the Academy?" + +"Of course I am glad! I'll never be under Yankee rule again; not if I +know it." + +"Suppose they elect a Yankee President?" I said; but Preston's look +was so eager and so sharp at me that I was glad to cover my rash +suggestion under another subject as soon as possible. + +"Are you going to be busy this afternoon?" I asked him. + +"No, I reckon not." + +"Suppose you come and go up to the fort with me?" + +"What fort?" + +"Fort Putnam. I have never been there yet." + +"There is nothing on earth to go there for," said Preston, shrugging +his shoulders. "Just broil yourself in the sun, and get nothing for +it. It's an awful pull uphill; rough, and all that; and nothing at the +top but an old stone wall." + +"But there is the view!" I said. + +"You have got it down here--just as good. Just climb up the hotel +stairs fifty times without stopping, and then look out of the thing at +the top--and you have been to Fort Putnam." + +"Why, I want you to go to the top of Crow's Nest," I said. + +"Yes! I was ass enough to try that once," said Preston, "when I was +just come, and thought I must do everything; but if anybody wants to +insult me, let him just ask me to do it again!" + +Preston's mood was unmanageable. I had never seen him so in old times. +I thought West Point did not agree with him. I listened to the band, +just then playing a fine air, and lamented privately to myself that +brass instruments should be so much more harmonious than human +tempers. Then the music ceased and the military movements drew my +attention again. + +"They all walk like you," I observed carelessly, as I noticed a +measured step crossing the camp ground. + +"Do they?" said Preston sneeringly. "I flatter myself I do not walk +like _all_ of them. If you notice more closely, Daisy, you will see a +difference. You can tell a Southerner, on foot or on horseback, from +the sons of tailors and farmers--strange if you couldn't!" + +"I think you are unjust, Preston," I said. "You should not talk so. +Major Blunt walks as well and stands much better than any officer I +have seen; and he is from Vermont; and Capt. Percival is from South +Carolina, and Mr. Hunter is from Virginia, and Col. Forsyth is from +Georgia. They are all of them less graceful than Major Blunt." + +"What do you think of Dr. Sandford?" said Preston in the same tone; but +before I could answer I heard a call of "Gary!--Gary!" I looked round. +In the midst of the ranks of spectators to our left stood a cadet, my +friend of the omnibus. He was looking impatiently our way, and again +exclaimed in a sort of suppressed shout--"Gary!" Preston heard him that +time; started from my side, and placed himself immediately beside his +summoner, in front of the guard tents and spectators. The two were in +line, two or three yards separating them, and both facing towards a party +drawn up at some little distance on the camp ground, which I believe were +the relieving guard. I moved my own position to a place immediately +behind them, where I spied an empty camp-stool, and watched the two with +curious eyes. Uniforms, and military conformities generally, are queer +things if you take the right point of view. Here were these two, a pair, +and not a pair. The grey coat and the white pantaloons (they had all gone +into white now), the little soldier's cap, were a counterpart in each of +the other; the two even stood on the ground as if they were bound to be +patterns each of the other; and when my acquaintance raised his arms and +folded them after the most approved fashion, to my great amusement +Preston's arms copied the movement: and they stood like two brother +statues still, from their heels to their cap rims. Except when once the +right arm of my unknown friend was unbent to give a military sign, in +answer to some demand or address from somebody in front of him which I +did not hear. Yet as I watched, I began to discern how individual my two +statues really were. I could not see faces, of course. But the grey coat +on the one looked as if its shoulders had been more carefully brushed +than had been the case with the other; the spotless pantaloons, which +seemed to be just out of the laundress's basket, as I suppose they were, +sat with a trimmer perfection in one case than in the other. Preston's +pocket gaped, and was, I noticed, a little bit ripped; and when my eye +got down to the shoes, his had not the black gloss of his companion's. +With that one there was not, I think, a thread awry. And then, there was +a certain relaxation in the lines of Preston's figure impossible to +describe, stiff and motionless though he was; something which prepared +one for a lax and careless movement when he moved. Perhaps this was fancy +and only arose from my knowledge of the fact; but with the other no such +fancy was possible. Still, but alert; motionless, but full of vigour; I +expected what came; firm, quick, and easy action, as soon as he should +cease to be a statue. + +So much to a back view of character; which engrossed me till my two +statues went away. + +A little while after Preston came. "Are you here yet?" he said. + +"Don't you like to have me here?" + +"It's hot. And it is very stupid for you, I should think. Where is +Mrs. Sandford?" + +"She thinks as you do, that it is stupid." + +"You ought not to be here without some one." + +"Why not? What cadet was that who called you, Preston?" + +"Called me? Nobody called me." + +"Yes he did. When you were sitting with me. Who was it?" + +"I don't know!" said Preston. "Good-bye. I shall be busy for a day or +two." + +"Then you cannot go to Fort Putnam this afternoon?" + +"Fort Putnam? I should think not. It will be broiling to-day." + +And he left me. Things had gone wrong with Preston lately, I thought. +Before I had made up my mind to move, two other cadets came before me. +One of them Mrs. Sandford knew, and I slightly. + +"Miss Randolph, my friend Mr. Thorold has begged me to introduce him +to you." + +It was _my_ friend of the omnibus. I think we liked each other at this +very first moment. I looked up at a manly, well-featured face, just +then lighted with a little smile of deference and recognition; but +permanently lighted with the brightest and quickest hazel eyes that I +ever saw. Something about the face pleased me on the instant. I +believe it was the frankness. + +"I have to apologize for my rudeness, in calling a gentleman away from +you, Miss Randolph, in a very unceremonious manner, a little while +ago." + +"Oh, I know," I said. "I saw what you did with him." + +"Did I do anything with him?" + +"Only called him to his duty, I suppose." + +"Precisely. He was very excusable for forgetting it; but it might have +been inconvenient." + +"Do you think it is ever excusable to forget duty?" I asked; and I was +rewarded with a swift flash of fun in the hazel eyes, that came and +went like forked lightning. + +"It is not easily pardoned here," he answered. + +"People don't make allowances?" + +"Not officers," he said, with a smile. "Soldiers lose the character of +men, when on duty; they are only reckoned machines." + +"You do not mean that exactly, I suppose." + +"Indeed I do!" he said, with another slighter coruscation. +"Intelligent machines, of course, and with no more latitude of action. +You would not like that life?" + +"I should think you would not." + +"Ah, but we hope to rise to the management of the machines, some day." + +I thought I saw in his face that he did. I remarked that I thought the +management of machines could not be very pleasant. + +"Why not?" + +"It is degrading to the machines--and so, I should think, it would not +be very elevating to those that make them machines." + +"That is exactly the use they propose them to serve, though," he said, +looking amused; "the elevation of themselves." + +"I know," I said, thinking that the end was ignoble too. + +"You do not approve it?" he said. + +I felt those brilliant eyes dancing all over me and, I fancied, over +my thoughts too. I felt a little shy of going on to explain myself to +one whom I knew so little. He turned the conversation, by asking me if +I had seen all the lions yet. + +I said I supposed not. + +"Have you been up to the old fort?" + +"I want to go there," I said; "but somebody told me to-day, there was +nothing worth going for." + +"Has his report taken away your desire to make the trial?" + +"No, for I do not believe he is right." + +"Might I offer myself as a guide? I can be disengaged this afternoon; +and I know all the ways to the fort. It would give me great pleasure." + +I felt it would give me great pleasure too, and so I told him. We +arranged for the hour, and Mr. Thorold hastened away. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + +FORT PUTNAM. + + +"I am going to Fort Putnam this afternoon, with Mr. Thorold," I +announced to Mrs. Sandford, after dinner. + +"Who is Mr. Thorold?" + +"One of the cadets." + +"One of the cadets! So it has got hold of you at last, Daisy!" + +"What, Mrs. Sandford?" + +"But Fort Putnam? My dearest child, it is very hot!" + +"Oh, yes, ma'am--I don't mind it." + +"Well, I am very glad, if you don't," said Mrs. Sandford. "And I am +very glad Grant has taken himself off to the White Lakes. He gave +nobody else any chance. It will do you a world of good." + +"What will?" I asked, wondering. + +"Amusement, dear--amusement. Something a great deal better than +Grant's 'elogies and 'ologies. Now this would never have happened if +he had been at home." + +I did not understand her, but then I knew she did not understand the +pursuits she so slighted; and it was beyond my powers to enlighten +her. So I did not try. + +Mr. Thorold was punctual, and so was I; and we set forth at five +o'clock, I at least was happy as it was possible to be. Warm it was, +yet; we went slowly down the road, in shadow and sunshine; tasting the +pleasantness, it seems to me, of every tree, and feeling the sweetness +of each breath; in that slight exhilaration of spirits which loses +nothing and forgets nothing. At least I have a good memory for such +times. There was a little excitement, no doubt, about going this walk +with a cadet and a stranger, which helped the whole effect. + +I made use of my opportunity to gain a great deal of information which +Dr. Sandford could not give. I wanted to understand the meaning and the +use of many things I saw about the Point. Batteries and fortifications +were a mysterious jumble to me; shells were a horrible novelty; the whole +art and trade of a soldier, something well worth studying, but difficult +to see as a reasonable whole. The adaptation of parts to an end, I could +perceive; the end itself puzzled me. + +"Yet there has always been fighting," said my companion. + +"Yes," I assented. + +"Then we must be ready for it." + +But I was not prepared in this case with my answer. + +"Suppose we were unjustly attacked?" said Mr. Thorold; and I thought +every one of the gilt buttons on his grey jacket repelled the idea of +a peaceable composition. + +"I don't know," said I, pondering. "Why should the rule be different +for nations and for individual people?" + +"What is your rule for individual people?" he asked, laughing, and +looking down at me, as he held the gate open. I can see the look and +the attitude now. + +"It is not _my_ rule," I said. + +"_The_ rule, then. What should a man do, Miss Randolph, when he is +unjustly attacked?" + +I felt I was on very untenable ground, talking to a soldier. If I was +right, what was the use of his grey coat, or of West Point itself? We +were mounting the little steep pitch beyond the gate, where the road +turns; and I waited till I got upon level footing. Then catching a +bright inquisitive glance of the hazel eyes, I summoned up my courage +and spoke. + +"I have no rule but the Bible, Mr. Thorold." + +"The Bible! What does the Bible say? It tells us of a great deal of +fighting." + +"Of bad men." + +"Yes, but the Jews were commanded to fight, were they not?" + +"To punish bad men. But we have got another rule since that." + +"What is it?" + +"If any man smite thee on the one cheek, turn to him the other also." + +"Is it possible you think the Bible means that literally?" he said. + +"Do you think it would say what it did not mean?" + +"But try it by the moral effect; what sort of a fellow would a man be +who did so, Miss Randolph?" + +"I think he would be fine!" I said; for I was thinking of One who, +"when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he +threatened not." But I could not tell all my thought to Mr. Thorold; +no more than I could to Dr. Sandford. + +"And would you have him stand by and see another injured?" my +companion asked. "Wouldn't you have him fight in such a case?" + +I had not considered that question. I was silent. + +"Suppose he sees wrong done; wrong that a few well-planted blows, or +shots, if you like--shots are but well-directed blows," he said, +smiling--"wrong that a few well-planted blows would prevent. Suppose +somebody were to attack you now, for instance; ought I not to fight +for it?" + +"I should like to have you," I said. + +"Come!" he said, laughing, and stretching out his hand to shake mine, +"I see you will let me keep my profession, after all. And why should +not a nation do, on a larger scale, what a man may do?" + +"Why it may," I said. + +"Then West Point is justified." + +"But very few wars in the world are conducted on that principle," I +said. + +"Very few. In fact I do not at this moment recollect the instances. +But you would allow a man, or a nation, to fight in self-defence, +would not you?" + +I pondered the matter. "I suppose he has a right to protect his life," +I said. "But, 'if a man smite thee on the cheek,' _that_ does not +touch life." + +"What would you think of a man," said my companion, gravely, "who +should suffer some one to give him such a blow, without taking any +notice of it?" + +"If he did it because he was _afraid_," I said, "of course I shouldn't +like that. But if he did it to obey the Bible, I should think it was +noble. The Bible says, 'it is glory to pass by a transgression.'" + +"But suppose he was afraid of being thought afraid?" + +I looked at my companion, and felt instinctively sure that neither +this nor my first supposed case would ever be true of him. Further, I +felt sure that no one would ever be hardy enough to give the supposed +occasion. I can hardly tell how I knew; it was by some of those +indescribable natural signs. We were slowly mounting the hill; and in +every powerful, lithe movement, in the very set of his shoulders and +head, and as well in the sparkle of the bright eye which looked round +at me, I read the tokens of a spirit which I thought neither had known +nor ever would know the sort of indignity he had described. He was +talking for talk's sake. But while I looked, the sparkle of the eye +grew very merry. + +"You are judging me, Miss Randolph," he said. "Judge me gently." + +"No, indeed," I said. "I was thinking that you are not speaking from +experience." + +"I am not better than you think me," he said, laughing, and shaking +his head. And the laugh was so full of merriment that it infected me. +I saw he was very much amused; I thought he was a little interested, +too. "You know," he went on, "my education has been unfavourable. I +have fought for a smaller matter than that you judge insufficient." + +"Did it do any good?" I asked. + +He laughed again: picked up a stone and threw it into the midst of a +thick tree to dislodge something--I did not see what; and finally +looked round at me with the most genial amusement and good nature +mixed. I knew he was interested now. + +"I don't know how much good it did to anybody but myself," he said. +"It comforted me--at the time. Afterwards I remember thinking it was +hardly worth while. But if a fellow should suffer an insult, as you +say, and not take any notice of it, what do you suppose would become +of him in the corps--or in the world either?" + +"He would be a noble man, all the same," I said. + +"But people like to be well thought of by their friends and society." + +"I know that." + +"He would be sent to Coventry unmitigatedly." + +"I cannot help it, Mr. Thorold," I said. "If anybody does wrong +because he is afraid of the consequences of doing right, he is another +sort of a coward--that is all." + +Mr. Thorold laughed, and catching my hand as we came to a turn in the +road where the woods fell away right and left, brought me quick round +the angle, without letting me go to the edge of the bank to get the +view. + +"You must not look till you get to the top," he said. + +"What an odd road!" I remarked. "It just goes by zigzags." + +"The only way to get up at all, without travelling round the hill. +That is, for horses." + +It was steep enough for foot wayfarers, but the road was exceeding +comfortable that day. We were under the shade of trees all the way; +and talk never lagged. Mr. Thorold was infinitely pleasant to me; as +well as unlike any one of all my former acquaintances. There was a +wealth of life in him that delighted my quieter nature; an amount of +animal spirits that were just a constant little impetus to me; and +from the first I got an impression of strength, such as weakness loves +to have near. Bodily strength he had also, in perfection; but I mean +now the firm, self-reliant nature, quick at resources, ready to act as +to decide, and full of the power that has its spring and magazine in +character alone. So, enjoying each other, we went slowly up the +zigzags of the hill, very steep in places, and very rough to the foot; +but the last pitch was smoother, and there the grey old bulwarks of +the ruined fortification faced down upon us, just above. + +"Now," said Mr. Thorold, coming on the outside of me to prevent it, +"don't look!"--and we turned into the entrance of the fort, between +two outstanding walls. Going through, we hurried up a little steep +rise, till we got to a smooth spread of grass, sloping gently to a +level with the top of the wall. Where this slope reached its highest, +where the parapet (as Mr. Thorold called it) commanded a clear view +from the eastern side, there he brought me, and then permitted me to +stand still. I do not know how long I stood quite still without +speaking. + +"Will you sit down?" said my companion; and I found he had spread a +pocket-handkerchief on the bank for me. The turf in that place was +about eighteen inches higher than the top of the wall, making a very +convenient seat. I thought of Queen Elizabeth and Sir Walter Raleigh; +but I also thought the most queenly thing I could do was to take the +offered civility, and I sat down. My eyes were bewildered with the +beauty; they turned from one point to another with a sort of +wondering, insatiable enjoyment. There, beneath our feet, lay the +little level green plain; its roads and trees all before us as in a +map, with the lines of building enclosing it on the south and west. A +cart and oxen were slowly travelling across the road between the +library and the hotel, looking like minute ants dragging a crumb +along. Beyond them was the stretch of brown earth, where the cavalry +exercises forbade a blade of grass to show itself. And beyond that, +at the farther edge of the plain, the little white camp; its straight +rows of tents and the alleys between all clearly marked out. Round all +this the river curved, making a promontory of it; a promontory with +fringed banks, and levelled at top, as it seemed, just to receive the +Military Academy. On the other side the river, a long sweep of gentle +hills, coloured in the fair colours of the evening; curving towards +the north-east into a beautiful circle of soft outlines back of the +mountain which rose steep and bold at the water's edge. This mountain +was the first of the group I had seen from my hotel window. Houses and +churches nestled in the curve of tableland, under the mountain. Due +north, the parapet of the fort rising sharply at its northern angle a +few feet from where I sat, hindered my full view. Southerly, the hills +swept down, marking the course of the river for many a mile; but again +from where I sat I could not see how far. With a sigh of pleasure my +eye came back to the plain and the white tents. + +"Is guard duty very disagreeable?" I asked, thinking of Preston's talk +in the morning. + +"Why at mid-day, with the thermometer at 90 deg., it is not exactly the +amusement one would choose," said Mr. Thorold. "I like it at night +well enough." + +"What do you do?" + +"Nothing, but walk up and down, two hours at a time." + +"What is the use of it?" + +"To keep order, and make sure that nothing goes in or out that has no +business to do it." + +"And they have to carry their guns," I said. + +"Their muskets--yes." + +"Are they very heavy?" + +"No. Pretty heavy for an arm that is new to it. I never remember I +have mine." + +"Mr. Caxton said," (Mr. Caxton was the cadet who had introduced Mr. +Thorold to me)--"Mr. Caxton told Mrs. Sandford that the new cadets are +sometimes so exhausted with their tour of duty that they have to be +carried off the ground." + +Mr. Thorold looked at me, a very keen bright look of his hazel eyes; +but he said nothing. + +"And he said that the little white boxes at the corners of the camp, +were monuments to those who had fallen on duty." + +"Just four of them!" said Mr. Thorold, settling his cap down over his +brows; but then he laughed, and I laughed; how we laughed! + +"Don't you want to see the rest of it?" he said, jumping up. I did not +know there was anything more to see. Now however he brought me up on +the high angle of the parapet that had intercepted my view to the +north. I could hardly get away from there. The full magnificence of +the mountains in that quarter; the river's course between them, the +blue hills of the distant Shawangunk range, and the woody chasm +immediately at my feet, stretching from the height where I stood over +to the crest of the Crow's Nest; it took away my breath. I sat down +again, while Mr. Thorold pointed out localities; and did not move, +till I had to make way for another party of visitors who were coming. +Then Mr. Thorold took me all round the edge of the fort. At the south, +we looked down into the woody gorge where Dr. Sandford and I had +hunted for fossil infusoria. From here the long channel of the river +running southernly, with its bordering ridge of hills, and above all, +the wealth and glory of the woodland and the unheaved rocks before me, +were almost as good as the eastern view. The path along the parapet +in places was narrow and dizzy; but I did not care for it, and my +companion went like a chamois. He helped me over the hard places; hand +in hand we ran down the steep slopes; and as we went we got very well +acquainted. At last we climbed up the crumbling masonry to a small +platform which commanded the view both east and south. + +"What is this place for?" I asked. + +"To plant guns on." + +"They could not reach to the river, could they?" + +"Much further--the guns of nowadays." + +"And the old vaults under here--I saw them as we passed by,--were they +prisons, places for prisoners?" + +"A sort of involuntary prisoners," said Mr. Thorold. "They are only +casemates; prisons for our own men occasionally, when shot and shell +might be flying too thick; hiding-places, in short. Would you like to +go to the laboratory some day, where we learn to make different kinds +of shot, and fire-works and such things?" + +"Oh, very much! But, Mr. Thorold, Mr. Caxton told me that Andre was +confined in one of these places under here; he said his name was +written upon the stones in a dark corner, and that I would find it." + +Mr. Thorold looked at me, with an expression of such contained fun +that I understood it at once; and we had another laugh together. I +began to wonder whether every one that wore a uniform of grey and +white with gilt buttons made it his amusement to play upon the +ignorance of uninitiated people; but on reflection I could not think +Mr. Thorold had done so. I resolved to be careful how I trusted the +rest of the cadets, even Preston; and indeed my companion remarked +that I had better not believe anything I heard without asking him. We +ran down and inspected the casemates; and then took our seats again +for one last look on the eastern parapet. The river and hills were +growing lovely in cooler lights; shadow was stealing over the plain. + +"Shall I see you to-morrow evening?" my companion asked suddenly. + +"To-morrow evening?" I said. "I don't know. I suppose we shall be at +home." + +"Then I shall _not_ see you. I meant, at the hop." + +"The hop?" I repeated. "What is that?" + +"The cadets' hop. During the encampment we have a hop three times a +week--a cotillion party. I hope you will be there. Haven't you +received an invitation?" + +"I think not," I said. "I have heard nothing about it." + +"I will see that that is set right," Mr. Thorold remarked. "And now, +do you know we must go down?--that is, _I_ must; and I do not think I +can leave you here." + +"Oh, you have to be on parade!" I exclaimed, starting up; "and it is +almost time!" + +It was indeed, and though my companion put his own concerns in the +background very politely, I would be hurried. We ran down the hill, +Mr. Thorold's hand helping me over the rough way and securing me from +stumbling. In very few minutes we were again at the gate and entered +upon the post limits. And there were the band, in dark column, just +coming up from below the hill. + +We walked the rest of the way in orderly fashion enough, till we got +to the hotel gate; there Mr. Thorold touched his cap and left me, on +a run, for the camp. I watched till I saw he got there in time, and +then went slowly in; feeling that a great piece of pleasure was over. + +I had had a great many pieces of pleasure in my life, but rarely a +_companion_. Dr. Sandford, Miss Cardigan, my dear Capt. Drummond, were +all much in advance of my own age; my servants were my servants, at +Magnolia; and Preston had never associated with me on just the footing +of equality. I went upstairs thinking that I should like to see a +great deal more of Mr. Thorold. + +Mrs. Sandford was on the piazza when I came down, and alone; everybody +was gone to parade. She gave me a little billet. + +"Well, my dear Daisy!--are you walked to death? Certainly, West Point +agrees with you! What a colour! And what a change! You are not the +same creature that we brought away from New York. Well, was it worth +going for, all the way to see that old ruin? My dear! I wish your +father and mother could see you." + +I stood still, wishing they could. + +"There is more pleasure for you," Mrs. Sandford went on. + +"What is this, ma'am?" + +"An invitation. The cadets have little parties for dancing, it seems, +three times a week, in summer; poor fellows! it is all the recreation +they get, I suspect; and of course, they want all the ladies that can +be drummed up, to help them to dance. It's quite a charity, they tell +me. I expect I shall have to dance myself." + +I looked at the note, and stood mute, thinking what I should do. Ever +since Mr. Thorold had mentioned it, up on the hill, the question had been +recurring to me. I had never been to a party in my life, since my +childish days at Melbourne. Aunt Gary's parties at Magnolia had been of +a different kind from this; not assemblies of young people. At Mme. +Ricard's I had taken dancing lessons, at my mother's order; and in her +drawing room I had danced quadrilles and waltzes with my schoolfellows; +but Mme. Ricard was very particular, and nobody else was ever admitted. I +hardly knew what it was to which I was now invited. To dance with the +cadets! I knew only three of them; however, I supposed that I might dance +with those three. I had an impression that amusements of this kind were +rather found in the houses of the gay than the sober-minded; but this was +peculiar, to help the cadets' dance, Mrs. Sandford said. I thought Mr. +Thorold wished I would come. I wondered Preston had not mentioned it. He, +I knew, was very fond of dancing. I mused till the people came back from +parade and we were called to tea; but all my musings went no further. I +did not decide _not_ to go. + +"Now, Daisy," said Mrs. Sandford the next morning, "if you are going +to the hop to-night, I don't intend to have you out in the sun burning +yourself up. It will be terribly hot; and you must keep quiet. I am so +thankful Grant is away! he would have you all through the woods, +hunting for nobody knows what, and bringing you home scorched." + +"Dear Mrs. Sandford," I said, "I can dance just as well, if I _am_ +burnt." + +"That's a delusion, Daisy. You are a woman, after all, my dear--or you +will be; and you may as well submit to the responsibility. And you may +not know it, but you have a wonderfully fine skin, my dear; it always +puts me in mind of fresh cream." + +"Cream is yellow," I said. + +"Not all the cream that ever _I_ saw," said Mrs. Sandford. "Daisy, you +need not laugh. You will be a queen, my dear, when you cease to be a +child. What are you going to wear to-night?" + +"I don't know, ma'am; anything cool, I suppose." + +"It won't matter much," Mrs. Sandford repeated. + +But yet I found she cared, and it did matter, when it came to the +dressing-time. However she was satisfied with one of the embroidered +muslins my mother had sent me from Paris. + +I think I see myself now, seated in the omnibus and trundling over the +plain to the cadets' dancing-rooms. The very hot, still July night +seems round me again. Lights were twinkling in the camp, and across +the plain in the houses of the professors and officers; lights above +in the sky too, myriads of them, mocking the tapers that go out so +soon. I was happy with a little flutter of expectation; quietly +enjoying meanwhile the novel loveliness of all about me, along with +the old familiar beauty of the abiding stars and dark blue sky. It was +a five minutes of great enjoyment. But all natural beauty vanished +from my thoughts when the omnibus drew up at the door of the Academic +Building. I was entering on something untried. + +At first sight, when we went into the room, it burst upon me that it was +very pretty. The room was dressed with flags,--and evergreens,--and with +uniforms; and undoubtedly there is charm in colour, and a gilt button and +a gold strap do light up the otherwise sombre and heavy figures of our +Western masculine costume. The white and rosy and blue draperies and +scarfs that were floating around the forms of the ladies, were met and +set off by the grey and white of the cadets and the heavier dark blue of +the officers. I never anywhere else saw so pretty gatherings. I stood +quite enchanted with the pleasure of the eye; till to my startled +astonishment, Capt. Percival came up and asked me to dance with him. I +had not expected to dance with anybody except Preston, and Mr. Thorold, +and perhaps Mr. Caxton. Mr. Thorold came up before the dance began, and I +presented him to Mrs. Sandford. He asked me for the first dance, then for +the second. And there was no more time for anything, for the dancing +began. + +I had always liked dancing at school. Here the music was far better +and the scene infinitely prettier; it was very pleasant, I thought. +That is, when Capt. Percival did not talk; for he talked nothings. I +did not know how to answer him. Of course it had been very hot to-day; +and the rooms were very full; and there were a good many people at the +hotel. I had nothing but an insipid affirmative to give to these +propositions. Then said Capt. Percival insinuatingly-- + +"You are from the South?" + +I had nothing but an insipid assent again. + +"I was sure of it," he said. "I could not be mistaken." + +I wondered how he knew, but it did not suit me to ask him; and we +danced on again till the dance came to an end. I was glad when it did. +In a minute more I was standing by Mrs. Sandford and introduced to +Capt. Boulanger, who also asked me to dance, and engaged me for the +next but one; and then Mr. Caxton brought up one of his brother cadets +and presented him, and _he_ asked me, and looked disappointed when for +both the next dances I was obliged to refuse him. I was quite glad +when Mr. Thorold came and carried me off. The second quadrille went +better than the first; and I was enjoying myself unfeignedly, when in +a pause of the dance I remarked to my partner that there seemed to be +plenty of ladies here to-night. + +"Plenty," he said. "It is very kind of them. What then?" + +"Only--" I said--"so many people came and asked me to dance in the few +minutes I stood by Mrs. Sandford, and one of them looked quite +disappointed that he could not have me." + +I was met by a look of the keenest inquiry, followed instantly and +superseded by another flash of expression. I could not comprehend it +at the time. The eyes, which had startled me by their steely gleam, +softened wonderfully with what looked like nothing so much as +reverence, along with some other expression which I could neither read +at the moment nor fathom afterwards. + +Both looks were gone before I could ask him what they meant, or +perhaps I should have asked; for I was beginning to feel very much at +my ease with Mr. Thorold. I trusted him. + +"Did he want you for this dance?" was all he said. + +"For this, and for the next," I answered. + +"Both gone! Well, may I have the third, and so disappoint somebody +else?" he said, laughing. + +If I did not talk much with Mr. Thorold in intervals of dancing, at +least we did not talk nonsense. In the next pause he remarked that he +saw I was fond of this amusement. + +"I think I like everything," I told him. + +"Are the hills better than this?" he whispered. + +"Oh, yes!" I said. "Don't you think so?" + +He smiled, and said "truly he did." "You have been over the Flirtation +walk, of course?" he added. + +"I do not know which it is." + +He smiled again, that quick illuminating smile, which seemed to +sparkle in his hazel eyes; and nodded his head a little. + +"I had the pleasure to see you there, very early one morning." + +"Oh, is that it?" I said. "I have been down that way from the hotel +very often." + +"That way leads to it. You were upon it, where you were sitting. You +have not been through it yet? May I show it to you some day? +To-morrow?" + +I agreed joyfully; and then asked who were certain of the cadets whom +I saw about the room, with rosettes of ribbon and long streamers on +the breast of their grey coats? + +"Those are the Managers," said my companion. "You will see enough of +them. It is their duty to introduce poor fellows who want partners." + +I did not see much of them, however, that evening. As soon as I was +released from that dance, Capt. Percival brought up Capt. Lascelles; +and somebody else, Mr. Sandford, I believe, introduced Lt. Vaux, and +Major Fairbairn; and Major Pitt was another, I believe. And Col. +Walruss brought up his son, who was in the corps of cadets. They all +wanted to dance with me; so it was lucky Mr. Thorold had secured his +second dance, or I could not have given it to him. I went over and +over again the same succession of topics, in the intervals of standing +still. How the day had been warm, and the evening kept up its +character; the hotels were full now; the cadets well off to have so +many ladies; dancing a pleasant pastime, and West Point a nice place. +I got so accustomed to the remarks I might expect, that my mouth was +ready with an assenting "yes" before the speaker began. But the +talking was a small part of the business, after all; and the evening +went merrily for me, till on a sudden a shrill piercing summons of +drum and fife, rolling as it were into our very ears, put a stop to +proceedings. Midway in the movement the dancers stopped; there was a +hurried bow and curtsey, and an instant scattering of all the +grey-coated part of the assembly. The "hop" was over. We went home in +the warm moonlight, I thinking that I had had a very nice time, and +glad that Mr. Thorold was coming to take me to walk to-morrow. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + +HOPS. + + +The afternoon was very sultry; however, Mr. Thorold came, and we went +for our walk. It was so sultry we went very leisurely and also met few +people; and instead of looking very carefully at the beauties of +nature and art we had come to see, we got into a great talk as we +strolled along; indeed, sometimes we stopped and sat down to talk. Mr. +Thorold told me about himself, or rather, about his home in Vermont +and his old life there. He had no mother, and no brothers nor sisters; +only his father. And he described to me the hills of his native +country, and the farm his father cultivated, and the people, and the +life on the mountains. Strong and free and fresh and independent and +intelligent--that was the impression his talk made upon me, of the +country and people and life alike. Sometimes my thoughts took a +private turn of their own, branching off. + +"Mr. Thorold," said I, "do you know Mr. Davis of Mississippi?" + +"Davis? No, I don't know him," he said shortly. + +"You have seen him?" + +"Yes, I have seen him often enough; and his wife, too." + +"Do you like his looks?" + +"I do not." + +"He looks to me like a bad man--" I said slowly. I said it to Mr. +Thorold; I would hardly have made the remark to another at West Point. + +"He is about bad business--" was my companion's answer. "And yet I do +not know what he is about; but I distrust the man." + +"Mr. Thorold," said I, beginning cautiously, "do you want to have +slavery go into the territories?" + +"No!" said he. "Do you?" + +"No. What do you think would happen if a Northern President should be +elected in the fall?" + +"Then slavery would _not_ go into the territories," he said, looking a +little surprised at me. "The question would be settled." + +"But do you know some people say--some people at the South say--that +if a Northern President is elected, the Southern States will not +submit to him?" + +"Some people talk a great deal of nonsense," said Mr. Thorold. "How +could they help submitting?" + +"They say--it is said--that they would break off from the North and +set up for themselves. It is not foolish people that say it, Mr. +Thorold." + +"Will you pardon me, Miss Randolph, but I think they would be very +foolish people that would do it." + +"Oh, I think so too," I said. "I mean, that some people who are not +foolish believe that it might happen." + +"Perhaps," said Mr. Thorold. "I never heard anything of it before. +You are from the South yourself, Miss Randolph?" he added, looking at +me. + +"I was born there," I said. And a little silence fell between us. I +was thinking. Some impression, got I suppose from my remembrance of +father and mother, Preston, and others whom I had known, forbade me to +dismiss quite so lightly, as too absurd to be true, the rumour I had +heard. Moreover, I trusted Dr. Sandford's sources of information, +living as he did in habits of close social intercourse with men of +influence and position at Washington, both Southern and Northern. + +"Mr. Thorold,"--I broke the silence,--"if the South should do such a +thing, what would happen?" + +"There would be trouble," he said. + +"What sort of trouble?" + +"Might be all sorts," said Mr. Thorold, laughing; "it would depend on +how far people's folly would carry them." + +"But suppose the Southern States should just do that;--say they would +break off and govern themselves?" + +"They would be like a bad boy that has to be made to take medicine." + +"How could you _make_ them?" I asked, feeling unreasonably grave about +the question. + +"You can see, Miss Randolph, that such a thing could not be permitted. +A government that would let any part of its subjects break away at +their pleasure from its rule, would deserve to go to pieces. If one +part might go, another part might go. There would be no nation left." + +"But how could you _help_ it?" I asked. + +"I don't know whether we could help it," he said; "but we would try." + +"You do not mean that it would come to _fighting_?" + +"I do not think they would be such fools. I hope we are supposing a +very unlikely thing, Miss Randolph." + +I hoped so. But that impression of Southern character troubled me yet. +Fighting! I looked at the peaceful hills, feeling as if indeed "all +the foundations of the earth" would be "out of course." + +"What would _you_ do in case it came to fighting?" said my neighbour. +The words startled me out of my meditations. + +"I could not do anything." + +"I beg your pardon. Your favour--your countenance, would do much; on +one side or the other. You would fight--in effect--as surely as I +should." + +I looked up. "Not against you," I said; for I could not bear to be +misunderstood. + +There was a strange sparkle in Mr. Thorold's eye; but those flashes of +light came and went so like flashes, that I could not always tell what +they meant. The tone of his voice, however, I knew expressed pleasure. + +"How comes that?" he said. "You _are_ Southern?" + +"Do I look it?" I asked. + +"Pardon me--yes." + +"How, Mr. Thorold?" + +"You must excuse me. I cannot tell you. But you _are_ South?" + +"Yes," I said. "At least, all my friends are Southern. I was born +there." + +"You have _one_ Northern friend," said Mr. Thorold, as we rose up to +go on. He said it with meaning. I looked up and smiled. There was a +smile in his eyes, mixed with something more. I think our compact of +friendship was made and settled then and at once. + +He stretched out his hand, as if for a further ratification. I put +mine in it, while he went on,--"How comes it, then, that you take such +a view of such a question?" + +There had sprung up a new tone in our intercourse, of more +familiarity, and more intimate trust. It gave infinite content to me; +and I went on to answer, telling him about my Northern life. Drawn on, +from question to question, I detailed at length my Southern experience +also, and put my new friend in possession not only of my opinions, but +of the training under which they had been formed. My hand, I remember, +remained in his while I talked, as if he had been my brother; till he +suddenly put it down and plunged into the bushes for a bunch of wild +roses. A party of walkers came round an angle a moment after; and +waking up to a consciousness of our surroundings, we found, or _I_ +did, that we were just at the end of the rocky walk, where we must +mount up and take to the plain. + +The evening was falling very fair over plain and hill when we got to +the upper level. Mr. Thorold proposed that I should go and see the +camp, which I liked very much to do. So he took me all through it, and +showed and explained all sorts of things about the tents and the +manner of life they lived in them. He said he should like it very +much, if he only had more room; but three or four in one little tent +nine feet by nine, gave hardly, as he said, "a chance to a fellow." +The tents and the camp alleys were full of cadets, loitering about, or +talking, or busy with their accoutrements; here and there I saw an +officer. Captain Percival bowed, Captain Lascelles spoke. I looked for +Preston, but I could see him nowhere. Then Mr. Thorold brought me +into his own tent, introduced one or two cadets who were loitering +there, and who immediately took themselves away; and made me sit down +on what he called a "locker." The tent curtains were rolled tight up, +as far as they would go, and so were the curtains of every other tent; +most beautiful order prevailed everywhere and over every trifling +detail. + +"Well," said Mr. Thorold, sitting down opposite me on a +candle-box--"how do you think you would like camp life?" + +"The tents are too close together," I said. + +He laughed, with a good deal of amusement. + +"That will do!" he said. "You begin by knocking the camp to pieces." + +"But it is beautiful," I went on. + +"And not comfortable. Well, it is pretty comfortable," he said. + +"How do you do when it storms very hard--at night?" + +"Sleep." + +"Don't you ever get wet?" + +"_That_ makes no difference." + +"Sleep in the rain!" said I. And he laughed again at me. It was not +banter. The whole look and air of the man testified to a thorough +soldierly, manly contempt of little things--of all things that might +come in the way of order and his duty. An intrinsic independence and +withal control of circumstances, in so far as the mind can control +them. I read the power to do it. But I wondered to myself if he never +got homesick in that little tent and full camp. It would not do to +touch the question. + +"Do you know Preston Gary?" I asked. "He is a cadet." + +"I know him." + +I thought the tone of the words, careless as they were, signified +little value for the knowledge. + +"I have not seen him anywhere," I remarked. + +"Do you want to see him? He has seen you." + +"No, he cannot," I said, "or he would have come to speak to me." + +"He would if he could," replied Mr. Thorold--"no doubt; but the +liberty is wanting. He is on guard. We crossed his path as we came +into the camp." + +"On guard!" I said. "Is he? Why, he was on guard only a day or two +ago. Does it come so often?" + +"It comes pretty often in Gary's case," said my companion. + +"Does it?" I said. "He does not like it." + +"No," said Mr. Thorold, merrily. "It is not a favourite amusement in +most cases." + +"Then why does he have so much of it?" + +"Gary is not fond of discipline." + +I guessed this might be true. I knew enough of Preston for that. But +it startled me. + +"Does he not obey the regulations?" I asked presently, in a lowered +tone. + +Mr. Thorold smiled. "He is a friend of yours, Miss Randolph?" + +"Yes," I said; "he is my mother's nephew." + +"Then he is your cousin?" said my companion. Another of those +penetrative glances fell on me. They were peculiar; they flashed upon +me, or through me, as keen and clear as the flash of a sabre in the +sun; and out of eyes in which a sunlight of merriment or benignity was +even then glowing. Both glowed upon me just at this moment, so I did +not mind the keen investigation. Indeed, I never minded it. I learned +to know it as one of Mr. Thorold's peculiarities. Now, Dr. Sandford +had a good eye for reading people, but it never flashed, unless under +strong excitement. Mr. Thorold's were dancing and flashing and +sparkling with fifty things by turns; their fund of amusement and +power of observation were the first things that struck me, and they +attracted me too. + +"Then he is your cousin?" + +"Of course, he is my cousin." + +I thought Mr. Thorold seemed a little bit grave and silent for a +moment; then he rose up, with that benign look of his eyes glowing all +over me, and told me there was the drum for parade. "Only the first +drum," he added; so I need not be in a hurry. Would I go home before +parade? + +I thought I would. If Preston was pacing up and down the side of the +camp ground, I thought I did not want to see him nor to have him see +me, as he was there for what I called disgrace. Moreover, I had a +secret presentiment of a breezy discussion with him the next time +there was a chance. + +And I was not disappointed. The next day in the afternoon he came to +see us. Mrs. Sandford and I were sitting on the piazza, where the heat +of an excessive sultry day was now relieved a little by a slender +breeze coming out of the north-west. It was very hot still. Preston +sat down and made conversation in an abstracted way for a little +while. + +"We did not see you at the hop the other night, Mr. Gary," Mrs. +Sandford remarked. + +"No. Were you there?" said Preston. + +"Everybody was there--except you." + +"And Daisy? Were _you_ there, Daisy?" + +"Certainly," Mrs. Sandford responded. "Everybody else could have been +better missed." + +"I did not know you went there," said Preston, in something so like a +growl that Mrs. Sandford lifted her eyes to look at him. + +"I do not wonder you are jealous," she said composedly. + +"Jealous!" said Preston, with growl the second. + +"You had more reason than you knew." + +Preston grumbled something about the hops being "stupid places." I +kept carefully still. + +"Daisy, did _you_ go?" + +I looked up and said yes. + +"Whom did you dance with?" + +"With everybody," said Mrs. Sandford. "That is, so far as the length +of the evening made it possible. Blue and grey, and all colours." + +"I don't want you to dance with everybody," said Preston, in a more +undertone growl. + +"There is no way to prevent it," said Mrs. Sandford, "but to be there +and ask her yourself." + +I did not thank Mrs. Sandford privately for this suggestion; which +Preston immediately followed up by inquiring "if we were going to the +hop to-night?" + +"Certainly," Mrs. Sandford said. + +"It's too confounded hot!" + +"Not for us who are accustomed to the climate," Mrs. Sandford said, +with spirit. + +"It's a bore altogether," muttered Preston. "Daisy, are you going +to-night?" + +"I suppose so." + +"Well, if you must go, you may as well dance with me as with anybody. +So tell anybody else that you are engaged. I will take care of you." + +"Don't you wish to dance with anybody except me?" + +"I do not," said Preston, slowly. "As I said, it is too hot. I +consider the whole thing a bore." + +"You shall not be bored for me," I said. "I refuse to dance with you. +I hope I shall not see you there at all." + +"Daisy!" + +"Well?" + +"Come down and take a little walk with me." + +"You said it is too hot." + +"But you will dance?" + +"You will not dance." + +"I want to speak to you, Daisy." + +"You may speak," I said. I did not want to hear him, for there were no +indications of anything agreeable in Preston's manner. + +"Daisy!" he said, "I do not know you." + +"You used to know her," said Mrs. Sandford; "that is all." + +"Will you come and walk with me?" said Preston, almost angrily. + +"I do not think it would be pleasant," I said. + +"You were walking yesterday afternoon." + +"Yes." + +"Come and walk up and down the piazza, anyhow. You can do that." + +I could, and did not refuse. He chose the sunny western side, because +no one was there. However, the sun's rays were obscured under a thick +haze and had been all day. + +"Whom were you with?" Preston inquired, as soon as we were out of +earshot. + +"Do you mean yesterday?" + +"Of course I mean yesterday! I saw you cross into the camp With whom +were you going there?" + +"Why did you not come to speak to me?" I said. + +"I was on duty. I could not." + +"I did not see you anywhere." + +"I was on guard. You crossed my path not ten feet off." + +"Then you must know whom I was with, Preston," I said, looking at him. + +"_You_ don't know--that is the thing. It was that fellow Thorold." + +"How came you to be on guard again so soon? You were on guard just a +day or two before." + +"That is all right enough. It is about military things that you do not +understand. It is all right enough, except these confounded Yankees. +And Thorold is another." + +"Who is _one_!" I said, laughing. "You say he is _another_." + +"Blunt is one." + +"I like Major Blunt." + +"Daisy," said Preston, stopping short, "you ought to be with your +mother. There is nobody to take care of you here. How came you to know +that Thorold?" + +"He was introduced to me. What is the matter with him?" + +"You ought not to be going about with him. He is a regular Yankee, I +tell you." + +"What does that mean?" I said. "You speak it as if you meant something +very objectionable." + +"I do. They are a cowardly set of tailors. They have no idea what a +gentleman means, not one of them, unless they have caught the idea +from a Southerner. I don't want you to have anything to do with them, +Daisy. You _must_ not dance with them, and you must not be seen with +this Thorold. Promise me you will not." + +"Dr. Sandford is another," I said. + +"I can't help Dr. Sandford. He is your guardian. You must not go again +with Thorold!" + +"Did you ever know _him_ cowardly?" I asked. + +I was sure that Preston coloured; whether with any feeling beside +anger I could not make out; but the anger was certain. + +"What do you know about it?" he asked. + +"What do you?" I rejoined. But Preston changed more and more. + +"Daisy, promise me you will not have anything to do with these +fellows. You are too good to dance with them. There are plenty of +Southern people here now, and lots of Southern cadets." + +"Mr. Caxton is one," I said. "I don't like him." + +"He is of an excellent Georgia family," said Preston. + +"I cannot help that. He is neither gentlemanly in his habits nor true +in his speech." + +Preston hereupon broke out into an untempered abuse of Northern things +in general, and Northern cadets in particular, mingled with a +repetition of his demands upon me. At length I turned from him. + +"This is very tiresome, Preston," I said; "and this side of the house +is very warm. Of course, I must dance with whoever asks me." + +"Well, I have asked you for this evening," he said, following me. + +"You are not to go," I said. "I shall not dance with you once," and I +took my former place by Mrs. Sandford. Preston fumed; declared that I +was just like a piece of marble; and went away. I did not feel quite +so impassive as he said I looked. + +"What are you going to wear to-night, Daisy?" Mrs. Sandford asked +presently. + +"I do not know, ma'am." + +"But you must know soon, my dear. Have you agreed to give your cousin +half the evening?" + +"No, ma'am--I could not; I am engaged for every dance, and more." + +"More!" said Mrs. Sandford. + +"Yes, ma'am--for the next time." + +"Preston has reason!" she said, laughing. "But I think, Daisy, Grant +will be the most jealous of all. Do him good. What will become of his +sciences and his microscope now?" + +"Why, I shall be just as ready for them," I said. + +Mrs. Sandford shook her head. "You will find the hops will take more +than that," she said. "But now, Daisy, think what you will wear; for +we must go soon and get ready." + +I did not want to think about it. I expected, of course, to put on the +same dress I had worn the last time. But Mrs. Sandford objected very +strongly. + +"You must not wear the same thing twice running," she said, "not if +you can help it." + +I could not imagine why not. + +"It is quite nice enough," I urged. "It is scarcely the least tumbled +in the world." + +"People will think you have not another, my dear." + +"What matter would that be?" I said, wholly puzzled. + +"Now, my dear Daisy!" said Mrs. Sandford, half laughing--"you are the +veriest Daisy in the world, and do not understand the world that you +grow in. No matter; just oblige me, and put on something else +to-night. What have you got?" + +I had other dresses like the rejected one. I had another still, white +like them, but the make and quality were different. I hardly knew what +it was, for I had never worn it; to please Mrs. Sandford I took it out +now. She was pleased. It was like the rest, out of the store my mother +had sent me; a soft India muslin, of beautiful texture, made and +trimmed as my mother and a Parisian artist could manage between them. +But no Parisian artist could know better than my mother how a thing +should be. + +"That will do!" said Mrs. Sandford approvingly. "Dear me, what lace +you Southern ladies do wear, to be sure! A blue sash, now, Daisy?" + +"No, ma'am, I think not." + +"Rose? It must be blue or rose." + +But I thought differently, and kept it white. + +"_No_ colour?" said Mrs. Sandford. "None at all. Then let me just put +this little bit of green in your hair." + +As I stood before the glass and she tried various positions for some +geranium leaves, I felt that would not do either. Any dressing of my +head would commonize the whole thing. I watched her fingers and the +geranium leaves going from one side of my head to the other, watched +how every touch changed the tone of my costume, and felt that I could +not suffer it; and then it suddenly occurred to me that I, who a +little while before had not cared about my dress for the evening, now +did care and that determinedly. I knew I would wear no geranium +leaves, not even to please Mrs. Sandford. And for the first time a +question stole into my mind, what was I, Daisy, doing? But then I said +to myself, that the dress without this head adorning was perfect in +its elegance; it suited me; and it was not wrong to like beauty, nor +to dislike things in bad taste. Perhaps I was too handsomely dressed, +but I could not change that now. Another time I would go back to my +embroidered muslins, and stay there. + +"I like it better without anything, Mrs. Sandford," I said, removing +her green decorations and turning away from the glass. Mrs. Sandford +sighed, but said "it would do without them," and then we started. + +I can see it all again; I can almost feel the omnibus roll with me +over the plain, that still sultry night. All those nights were sultry. +Then, as we came near the Academic Building, I could see the lights in +the upper windows; here and there an officer sitting in a window-sill, +and the figures of cadets passing back and forth. Then we mounted to +the hall above, filled with cadets in a little crowd, and words of +recognition came, and Preston, meeting us almost before we got out of +the dressing-room. + +"Daisy, you dance with me?" + +"I am engaged, Preston, for the first dance." + +"Already! The second, then, and all the others?" + +"I am engaged," I repeated, and left him, for Mr. Thorold was at my +side. + +I forgot Preston the next minute. It was easy to forget him, for all +the first half of the evening I was honestly happy in dancing. In +talking, too, whenever Thorold was my partner; other people's talk was +very tiresome. They went over the platitudes of the day; or they +started subjects of interest that were not interesting to me. Bits of +gossip--discussions of fashionable amusements with which I could have +nothing to do; frivolous badinage, which was of all things most +distasteful to me. Yet, amid it, I believe there was a subtle incense +of admiration which by degrees and insensibly found its way to my +senses. But I had two dances with Thorold, and at those times I was +myself and enjoyed unalloyed pleasure. And so I thought did he. + +I saw Preston, when now and then I caught a glimpse of him, looking +excessively glum. Midway in the evening it happened that I was +standing beside him for a few moments, waiting for my next partner. + +"You are dancing with nobody but that man whom I hate!" he grumbled. +"Who is it now?" + +"Captain Vaux." + +"Will you dance with me after that?" + +"I cannot, Preston. I must dance with Major Banks." + +"You seem to like it pretty well," he growled. + +"No wonder," said Mrs. Sandford. "You were quite right about the +geranium leaves, Daisy; you do not want them. You do not want +anything, my dear," she whispered. + +At this instant a fresh party entered the room, just as my partner +came up to claim me. + +"There are some handsome girls," said the captain. "Two of them, +really!" + +"People from Cozzens's," said Mrs. Sandford, "who think the cadets +keep New York hours." + +It was Faustina St. Clair and Mary Lansing, with their friends and +guardians, I don't know whom. And as I moved to take my place in the +dance, I was presently confronted by my school adversary and the +partner she had immediately found. The greeting was very slight and +cool on her side. + +"Excessively handsome," whispered the captain. "A friend of yours?" + +"A schoolfellow," I said. + +"Must be a pleasant thing, I declare, to have such handsome +schoolfellows," said the captain. "Beauty is a great thing, isn't it? +I wonder, sometimes, how the ladies can make up their minds to take up +with such great rough ugly fellows as we are, for a set. How do you +think it is?" + +I thought it was wonderful, too, when they were like him. But I said +nothing. + +"Dress, too," said the captain. "Now look at our dress! Straight and +square and stiff, and no variety in it. While our eyes are delighted, +on the other side, with soft draperies and fine colours, and +combinations of grace and elegance that are fit to put a man in +Elysium!" + +"Did you notice the colour of the haze in the west, this evening, at +sunset?" I asked. + +"Haze? No, really. I didn't know there was any haze, really, except in +my head. I get hazy amidst these combinations. Seriously, Miss +Randolph, what do you think of a soldier's life?" + +"It depends on who the soldier is," I said. + +"Cool, really!" said the captain. "Cool! Ha! ha!--" + +And he laughed, till I wondered what I could have said to amuse him so +much. + +"Then you have learned to individualize soldiers already?" was his +next question, put with a look which seemed to me inquisitive and +impertinent. I did not know how to answer it, and left it unanswered; +and the captain and I had the rest of our dance out in silence. +Meanwhile, I could not help watching Faustina. She was so very +handsome, with a marked, dashing sort of beauty that I saw was +prodigiously admired. She took no notice of me, and barely touched the +tips of my fingers with her glove as we passed in the dance. + +As he was leading me back to Mrs. Sandford, the captain stooped his +head to mine. "Forgive me," he whispered. "So much gentleness cannot +bear revenge. I am only a soldier." + +"Forgive you what, sir?" I asked. And he drew up his head again, half +laughed, muttered that I was worse than grape or round shot, and +handed me over to my guardian. + +"My dear Daisy," said Mrs. Sandford, "If you were not so sweet as you +are, you would be a queen. There, now, do not lift up your grey eyes +at me like that, or I shall make you a reverence the first thing I do, +and fancy that I am one of your _dames d'honneur_. Who is next? Major +Banks? Take care, Daisy, or you'll do some mischief." + +I had not time to think about her words; the dances went forward, and +I took my part in them with great pleasure until the tattoo summons +broke us up. Indeed, my pleasure lasted until we got home to the +hotel, and I heard Mrs. Sandford saying, in an aside to her husband, +amid some rejoicing over me--"I was dreadfully afraid she wouldn't +go." The words, or something in them, gave me a check. However, I had +too many exciting things to think of to take it up just then, and my +brain was in a whirl of pleasure till I went to sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + +OBEYING ORDERS. + + +As I shared Mrs. Sandford's room, of course I had very scant +opportunities of being by myself. In the delightful early mornings I +was accustomed to take my book, therefore, and go down where I had +gone the first morning, to the rocks by the river's side. Nobody came +by that way at so early an hour; I had been seen by nobody except that +one time, when Thorold and his companion passed me; and I felt quite +safe. It was pleasanter down there than can be told. However sultry +the air on the heights above, so near the water there was always a +savour of freshness; or else I fancied it, in the hearing of the soft +liquid murmur of the little wavelets against the shore. But sometimes +it was so still I could hear nothing of that; then birds and insects, +or the faint notes of a bugle call, were the only things to break the +absolute hush; and the light was my refreshment, on river and tree and +rock and hill; one day sharp and clear, another day fairylandlike and +dreamy through golden mist. + +It was a good retiring place in any case, so early in the day. I could +read and pray there better than in a room, I thought. The next morning +after my second dancing party, I was there as usual. It was a sultry July +morning, the yellow light in the haze on the hills threatening a very hot +day. I was very happy, as usual; but somehow my thoughts went roaming off +into the yellow haze, as if the landscape had been my life, and I were +trying to pick out points of light here and there, and sporting on the +gay surface. I danced my dances over again in the flow of the river; +heard soft words of kindness or admiration in the song of the birds; +wandered away in mazes of speculative fancy among the thickets of tree +stems and underbrush. The sweet wonderful note of a wood-thrush, +somewhere far out of sight, assured me, what everything conspired to +assure me, that I was certainly in fairyland, not on the common earth. +But I could not get on with my Bible at all. Again and again I began to +read; then a bird or a bough or a ripple would catch my attention, and +straightway I was off on a flight of fancy or memory, dancing over again +my dances with Mr. Thorold, dwelling upon the impression of his figure +and dress, and the fascination of his brilliant, changing hazel eyes; or +recalling Captain Vaux's or somebody else's insipid words and looks, or +Faustina St. Clair's manner of ill-will; or on the other hand giving a +passing thought to the question how I should dress the next hop night. +After a long wandering, I would come back and begin at my Bible again, +but only for a little; my fancy could not be held to it; and a few +scarcely read verses and a few half-uttered petitions were all I had +accomplished before the clangour of the hotel gong, sounding down even to +me, warned me that my time was gone. And the note of the wood-thrush, as +I slowly mounted the path, struck reproachfully and rebukingly upon the +ear of my conscience. + +How had this come about? I mused as I went up the hill. What was the +matter? What had bewitched me? No pleasure in my Bible; no time for +prayer; and only the motion of feet moving to music, only the flutter +of lace and muslin, and the flashing of hazel eyes, filling my brain. +What was wrong? Nay, something. And why had Mrs. Sandford "feared" I +would not go to the hops? Were they not places for Christians to go +to? What earthly harm? Only pleasure. But what if pleasure that marred +better pleasure--that interrupted duty? And why was I ruminating on +styles and colours, and proposing to put on another dress that should +be more becoming the next time? and thinking that it would be well it +should be a contrast to Faustina St. Clair? What! entering the lists +with her, on her own field? No, no; I could not think of it. But what +then? And what was this little flutter at my heart about gentlemen's +words and looks of homage and liking? What could it be to me, that +such people as Captain Vaux or Captain Lascelles liked me? Captain +Lascelles, who when he was not dancing or flirting was pleased to curl +himself up on one of the window seats like a monkey, and take a +grinning survey of what went on. Was I flattered by such admiration as +his?--or _any_ admiration? I liked to have Mr. Thorold like me; yes, I +was not wrong to be pleased with that; besides, that was _liking_; not +empty compliments. But for my lace and my India muslin and my +"Southern elegance"--I knew Colonel Walrus meant me when he talked +about that--was I thinking of admiration for such things as these, and +thinking so much that my Bible reading had lost its charm? What was in +fault? Not the hops? They were too pleasant. It could not be the hops. + +I mounted the hill slowly and in a great maze, getting more and more +troubled. I entering the lists with Faustina St. Clair, going in her +ways? I knew these were her ways. I had heard scraps enough of +conversation among the girls about these things, which I then did not +understand. And another word came therewith into my mind, powerful +once before, and powerful now to disentangle the false from the true. +"The world knoweth us not." Did it not know me, last night? Would it +not, if I went there again? But the hops were so pleasant! + +It almost excites a smile in me now to think how pleasant they were. I +was only sixteen. I had seen no dancing parties other than the little +school assemblages at Mme. Ricard's; and I was fond of the amusement +even there. Here, it seemed to me, then, as if all prettiness and +pleasantness that could come together in such a gathering met in the +dancing room of the cadets. I think not very differently now, as to +that point. The pretty accompaniments of uniform; the simple style and +hours; the hearty enjoyment of the occasion; were all a little unlike +what is found at other places. And to me, and to increase my +difficulty, came a crowning pleasure; I met Thorold there. To have a +good dance and talk with him was worth certainly all the rest. Must I +give it up? + +I could not bear to think so, but the difficulty helped to prick my +conscience. There had been only two hops, and I was so enthralled +already. How would it be if I had been to a dozen; and where might it +end? And the word stands,--"The world knoweth us _not_." + +It must not know me, Daisy Randolph, as in any sort belonging to it or +mixed up with it; and therefore--Daisy Randolph must go to the hop no +more. I felt the certainty of the decision growing over me, even while +I was appalled by it. I staved off consideration all that day. + +In the afternoon Mr. Thorold came and took me to see the laboratory, +and explained for me a number of curious things. I should have had +great enjoyment, if Preston had not taken it into his head, unasked, +to go along; being unluckily with me when Thorold came. He was a +thorough marplot; saying nothing of consequence himself, and only +keeping a grim watch--I could take it as nothing else--of everything +we said and did. Consequently, Mr. Thorold's lecture was very proper +and grave, instead of being full of fun and amusement, as well as +instruction. I took Preston to task about it when we got home. + +"You hinder pleasure when you go in that mood," I told him. + +"What mood?" + +"You know. You never are pleasant when Mr. Thorold is present or when +he is mentioned." + +"He is a cowardly Yankee!" was Preston's rejoinder. + +"_Cowardly_, Gary?"--said somebody near; and I saw a cadet whom I did +not know, who came from behind us and passed by on the piazza. He did +not look at us, and stayed not for any more words; but turning to +Preston, I was surprised to see his face violently flushed. + +"Who was that?" + +"No matter--impertinence!" he muttered. + +"But what _is_ the matter? and what did he mean?" + +"He is one of Thorold's set," said Preston; "and I tell you Daisy, you +shall not have anything to do with them. Aunt Felicia would never +allow it. She would not look at them herself. You shall not have +anything more to do with them." + +How could I, if I was going no more to the hops? How could I see +Thorold, or anybody? The thought struck to my heart, and I made no +answer. Company, however, kept me from considering the matter all the +evening. + +But the next day, early, I was in my usual place: near the river side, +among the rocks, with my Bible; and I resolved to settle the question +there as it ought to be settled. I was resolved; but to do what I had +resolved was difficult. For I wanted to go to the hop that evening +very much. Visions of it floated before me; snatches of music and +gleams of light; figures moving in harmony; words and looks; and--my +own white little person. All these made a kind of quaint mosaic with +flashes of light on the river, and broad warm bands of sunshine on the +hills, and the foliage of trees and bushes, and the grey lichened +rocks at my foot. It was confusing; but I turned over the leaves of my +Bible to see if I could find some undoubted direction as to what I +ought to do, or perhaps rather some clear permission for what I wished +to do. I could not remember that the Bible said anything about +dancing, _pro_ or _con_; dancing, I thought, could not be wrong; but +this confusion in my mind was not right. I fluttered over my leaves a +good while with no help; then I thought I might as well take a chapter +somewhere and study it through. The whole chapter, it was the third of +Colossians, did not seem to me to go favourably for my pleasure; but +the seventeenth verse brought me to a point,--"Whatsoever ye do in +word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus." + +There was no loophole here for excuses or getting off, "_Whatsoever ye +do._" Did I wish it otherwise? No, I did not. I was content with the +terms of service; but now about dancing, or rather, the dancing party? +"In the name of the Lord Jesus." Could I go there in that name? as the +servant of my Master, busy about His work, or taking pleasure that He +had given me to take? That was the question. And all my visions of +gay words and gay scenes, all the flutter of pleased vanity and the +hope of it, rose up and answered me. By that thought of the pretty +dress I would wear, I knew I should not wear it "in the name of the +Lord Jesus;" for my thought was of honour to myself, not to Him. By +the fear which darted into my head, that Mr. Thorold might dance with +Faustina if I were not there, I knew I should not go "in the name of +the Lord," if I went; but to gratify my own selfish pride and +emulation. By the confusion which had reigned in my brain these two +days, by the tastelessness of my Bible, by the unaptness for prayer, I +knew I could not go in the name of my Lord, for it would be to unfit +myself for His work. + +The matter was settled in one way; but the pain of it took longer to come +to an end. It is sorrowful to me to remember now how hard it was to get +over. My vanity I was heartily ashamed of, and bade that show its head no +more; my emulation of Faustina St. Clair gave me some horror; but the +pleasure--the real honest pleasure, of the scene, and the music and the +excitement and the dancing and the seeing people--all that I did not let +go for ever without a hard time of sorrow and some tears. It was not a +_struggle_, for I gave that up at once; only I had to fight pain. It was +one of the hardest things I ever did in my life. And the worst of all and +the most incurable was, I should miss seeing Mr. Thorold. One or two more +walks, possibly, I might have with him; but those long, short evenings of +seeing and talking and dancing! + +Mrs. Sandford argued, coaxed, and rallied me; and then said, if I +would not go, she should not; and she did not. That evening we spent +at home together, and alone; for everybody else had drifted over to +the hop. I suppose Mrs. Sandford found it dull; for the next hop night +she changed her mind and left me. I had rather a sorrowful evening. +Dr. Sandford had not come back from the mountains; indeed, I did not +wish for him; and Thorold had not been near us for several days. My +fairyland was getting disenchanted a little bit. But I was quite sure +I had done right. + +The next morning, I had hardly been three minutes on my rock by the +river, when Mr. Thorold came round the turn of the walk and took a +seat beside me. + +"How do you do?" said he, stretching out his hand. I put mine in it. + +"What has become of my friend, this seven years?" + +"I am here--" I said. + +"I see you. But why have I _not_ seen you, all this while?" + +"I suppose you have been busy," I answered. + +"Busy! Of course I have, or I should have been here asking questions. +I was not too busy to dance with you: and I was promised--how many +dances? Where have you been?" + +"I have been at home." + +"Why?" + +Would Mr. Thorold understand me? Mrs. Sandford did not. My own mother +never did. I hesitated, and he repeated his question, and those hazel +eyes were sparkling all sorts of queries around me. + +"I have given up going to the hops," I said. + +"Given up? Do you mean, you _don't_ mean, that you are never coming +any more?" + +"I am not coming any more." + +"Don't you sometimes change your decisions?" + +"I suppose I do," I answered; "but not this one." + +"I am in a great puzzle," he said. "And very sorry. Aren't you going +to be so good as to give me some clue to this mystery? Did you find +the hops so dull?" + +And he looked very serious indeed. + +"Oh no!" I said. "I liked them very much--I enjoyed them very much. I +am sorry to stay away." + +"Then you will not stay away very long." + +"Yes--I shall." + +"Why?" he asked again, with a little sort of imperative curiosity +which was somehow very pleasant to me. + +"I do not think it is right for me to go," I said. Then, seeing grave +astonishment and great mystification in his face, I added, "I am a +Christian, Mr. Thorold." + +"A Christian!" he cried, with flashes of light and shadow crossing his +brow. "Is _that_ it?" + +"That is it," I assented. + +"But my dear Miss Randolph--you know we are friends?" + +"Yes," I said, smiling, and glad that he had not forgotten it. + +"Then we may talk about what we like. Christians go to hops." + +I looked at him without answering. + +"Don't you know they do?" + +"I suppose they may--" I answered, slowly. + +"But they _do_. There was our former colonel's wife--Mrs. Holt; she +was a regular church-goer, and a member of the church; she was always +at the hop, and her sister; they are both church members. Mrs. +Lambkin, General Lambkin's wife, she is another. Major Banks' +sisters--those pretty girls--they are always there; and it is the same +with visitors. Everybody comes; their being Christians does not make +any difference." + +"Captain Thorold," said I--"I mean Mr. Thorold, don't you obey your +orders?" + +"Yes--general," he said. And he laughed. + +"So must I." + +"You are not a soldier." + +"Yes--I am." + +"Have you got orders not to come to our hop?" + +"I think I have. You will not understand me, but this is what I mean, +Mr. Thorold. I _am_ a soldier, of another sort from you; and I have +orders not to go anywhere that my Captain does not send me, or where I +cannot be serving Him." + +"I wish you would show those orders to me." + +I gave him the open page which I had been studying, that same chapter +of Colossians, and pointed out the words. He looked at them, and +turned over the page, and turned it back. + +"I don't see the orders," he said. + +I was silent. I had not expected he would. + +"And I was going to say, I never saw any Christians that were +soldiers; but I have, one. And so you are another?" And he bent upon +me a look so curiously considering, tender, and wondering, at once, +that I could not help smiling. + +"A soldier!" said he, again. "You? Have you ever been under fire?" + +I smiled again, and then, I don't know what it was. I cannot tell +what, in the question and in the look, touched some weak spot. The +question called up such sharp answers; the look spoke so much +sympathy. It was very odd for me to do, but I was taken unawares; my +eyes fell and filled, and before I could help it were more than full. +I do not know, to this day, how I came to cry before Thorold. It was +very soon over, my weakness, whatever it was. It seemed to touch him +amazingly. He got hold of my hand, put it to his lips, and kissed it +over and over, outside and inside. + +"I can see it all in your face," he said, tenderly: "the strength and +the truth to do anything, and bear--whatever is necessary. But I am +not so good as you. I cannot bear anything unless it _is_ necessary; +and this isn't." + +"Oh no, nor I!" I said; "but this is necessary, Mr. Thorold." + +"Prove it--come." + +"You do not see the orders," I said; "but there they are. 'Do all in +the name of the Lord Jesus.' I cannot go to that place 'in His name.'" + +"I do not think I understand what you mean," he said, gently. "A +soldier, the best that ever lived, is his own man when he is off duty. +We go to the hop to play--not to work." + +"Ah, but a soldier of Christ is never 'off duty,'" I said. "See, Mr. +Thorold--_'whatsoever_ ye do'--'whether ye eat or drink, or whatsoever +ye do.' That covers all; don't you see?" + +"That would make it a very heavy thing to be a Christian," he said; +"there would be no liberty at all." + +"Oh, but it is all liberty!" I said,--"When you love Jesus." + +He looked at me so inquiringly, so inquisitively, that I went on. + +"You do not think it hard to do things for anybody you love?" + +"No," said he. "I would like to do things for you." + +I remember I smiled at that, for it seemed to me very pleasant to hear +him say it; but I went on. + +"Then you understand it, Mr. Thorold." + +"No," said he, "I do not understand it; for there is this difficulty. +I do not see what in the world such an innocent amusement as that we +are talking of can have to do with Christian duty, one way or another. +Every Christian woman that I know comes to it,--that is young enough; +and some that aren't." + +It was very hard to explain. + +"Suppose they disobey orders," I said slowly;--"that would be another +reason why I should obey them." + +"Of course. But do they?" + +"I should," I said. "I am not serving Christ when I am there. I am not +doing the work He has given me to do. I cannot go." + +"I came down here on purpose to persuade you," he said. + +It was not necessary to answer that, otherwise than by a look. + +"And you are unpersuadable," he said; "unmanageable, of course, by me; +strong as a giant, and gentle as a snowflake. But the snowflake melts; +and you--you will go up to the hotel as good a crystal as when you +came down." + +This made me laugh, and we had a good laugh together, holding each +other's hand. + +"Do you know," said he, "I must go? There is a roll of a summons that +reaches my ear, and I must be at the top of the bank in one minute and +a quarter. I had no leave to be here." + +"Hadn't you?" I said. "Oh, then, go, go directly, Mr. Thorold!" + +But I could not immediately release my hand, and holding it and +looking at me, Thorold laughed again; his hazel eyes sparkling and +dancing and varying with what feelings I could not tell. They looked +very steadily, too, till I remember mine went down, and then, lifting +his cap, he turned suddenly and sprang away. I sat down to get breath +and think. + +I had come to my place rather sober and sorrowful; and what a +pleasant morning I had had! I did not mind at all, now, my not going +to the dances. I had explained myself to Mr. Thorold, and we were not +any further apart for it, and I had had a chance to speak to him about +other things too. And though he did not understand me, perhaps he +would some day. The warning gong sounded before I had well got to my +Bible reading. My Bible reading was very pleasant this morning, and I +could not be baulked of it; so I spent over it near the whole half +hour that remained, and rushed up to the hotel in the last five +minutes. Of course, I was rather late and quite out of breath; and +having no voice and being a little excited, I suppose was the reason +that I curtseyed to Dr. Sandford, whom I met at the head of the piazza +steps. He looked at me like a man taken aback. + +"Daisy!" he exclaimed. + +"Yes, sir," I answered. + +"Where have you come from?" + +"From my study," I said. "I have a nice place down by the river which +is my study." + +"Rather a public situation for a private withdrawing place," said the +doctor. + +"Oh no!" said I. "At this hour--" But there I stopped and began again. +"It is really very private. And it is the pleasantest study place I +think I ever had." + +"To study what?" + +I held up my book. + +"It agrees with you," said the doctor. + +"What?" said I, laughing. + +"Daisy!" said Dr. Sandford--"I left a quiet bud of a flower a few days +ago--a little demure bit of a schoolgirl, learning geology; and I +have got a young princess here, a full rose, prickles and all, I don't +doubt. What has Mrs. Sandford done with you?" + +"I do not know," said I, thinking I had better be demure again. "She +took me to the hop." + +"The hop?--how did you like that?" + +"I liked it very much." + +"You did? You liked it? I did not know that you would go, with your +peculiar notions." + +"I went," I said; "I did not know what it was. How could I help liking +it? But I am not going again." + +"Why not, if you like it?" + +"I am not going again," I repeated. "Shall we have a walk to the hills +to-day, Dr. Sandford?" + +"Grant!" said his sister-in-law's voice, "don't you mean the child +shall have any breakfast? What made you so late, Daisy? Come in, and +talk afterwards. Grant is uneasy if he can't see at least your shadow +all the while." + +We went in to breakfast, and I took a delightful walk with Dr. +Sandford afterward, back in the ravines of the hills; but I had got an +odd little impression of two things. First, that he, like Preston, was +glad to have me give up going to the hops. I was sure of it from his +air and tone of voice, and it puzzled me; for he could not possibly +have Preston's dislike of Northerners, nor be unwilling that I should +know them. The other thing was, that he would not like my seeing Mr. +Thorold. I don't know how I knew it, but I knew it. I thought--it was +very odd--but I thought he was _jealous_; or rather, I felt he would +be if he had any knowledge of our friendship for each other. So I +resolved he should have no such knowledge. + +Our life went on now as it had done at our first coming. Every day Dr. +Sandford and I went to the woods and hills, on a regular naturalist's +expedition; and nothing is so pleasant as such expeditions. At home, we +were busy with microscopic examinations, preparations, and studies; +delightful studies, and beautiful lessons, in which the doctor was the +finest of instructors, as I have said, and I was at least the happiest of +scholars. Mrs. Sandford fumed a little, and Mr. Sandford laughed; but +that did no harm. Everybody went to the hops, except the doctor and me; +and every morning and evening, at guardmounting and parade, I was on the +ground behind the guard tents to watch the things done and listen to the +music and enjoy all the various beauty. Sometimes I had a glimpse of +Thorold; for many both of cadets and officers used to come and speak to +me and rally me on my seclusion, and endeavour to tempt me out of it. +Thorold did not that; he only looked at me, as if I were something to be +a little wondered at but wholly approved of. It was not a disagreeable +look to meet. + +"I must have it out with you," he said one evening, when he had just a +minute to speak to me. "There is a whole world of things I don't +understand, and want to talk about. Let us go Saturday afternoon and +take a long walk up to 'Number Four'--do you like hills?" + +"Yes." + +"Then let us go up there Saturday--will you?" + +And when Saturday came, we went. Preston luckily was not there; and +Dr. Sandford, also luckily, was gone to dine at the General's with his +brother. There were no more shadows on earth than there were clouds in +the sky, as we took our way across the plain and along the bank in +front of the officers' quarters looking north, and went out at the +gate. Then we left civilization and the world behind us, and plunged +into a wild mountain region; going up, by a track which few feet ever +used, the rough slope to "Number Four." Yet that a few feet used it +was plain. + +"Do people come here to walk much?" I asked, as we slowly made our way +up. + +"Nobody comes here--for anything." + +"Somebody _goes_ here," I said. "This is a beaten path." + +"Oh, there is a poor woodcutter's family at the top; they do travel up +and down occasionally." + +"It is pretty," I said. + +"It is pretty at the top; but we are a long way from that. Is it too +rough for you?" + +"Not at all," I said. "I like it." + +"You are a good walker for a Southern girl." + +"Oh, but I have lived at the North; I am only Southern born." + +Soon, however, he made me stop to rest. There was a good grey rock +under the shadow of the trees; Thorold placed me on that and threw +himself on the moss at my feet. We were up so high in the world that +the hills on the other side of the river rose beautifully before us +through the trees, and a sunny bit of the lower ground of the plain +looked like a bit of another world that we were leaving. It was a +sunny afternoon and a little hazy; every line softened, every colour +made richer, under the mellowing atmosphere. + +"Now you can explain it all to me," said Thorold, as he threw himself +down. "You have walked too fast. You are warm." + +"And you do not look as if it was warm at all." + +"I! This is nothing to me," he said. "But perhaps it will warm me and +cool you if we get into a talk. I want explanations." + +"About what, Mr. Thorold?" + +"Well--if you will excuse me--about you," he said, with a very +pleasant look, frank and soft at once. + +"I am quite ready to explain myself. But I am afraid, when I have done +it, that you will not understand me, Mr. Thorold." + +"Think I cannot?" said he. + +"I am afraid not--without knowing what I know." + +"Let us see," said Thorold. "I want to know why you judge so +differently from other people about the right and the wrong of hops +and such things. Somebody is mistaken--that is clear." + +"But the difficulty is, I cannot give you my point of view." + +"Please try," said Thorold, contentedly. + +"Mr. Thorold, I told you, I am a soldier." + +"Yes," he said, looking up at me, and little sparkles of light seeming +to come out of his hazel eyes. + +"I showed you my orders." + +"But I did not understand them to be what you said." + +"Suppose you were in an enemy's country," I said; "a rebel country; +and your orders were, to do nothing which could be construed into +encouraging the rebels, or which could help them to think that your +king would hold friendship with them, or that there was not a perfect +gulf of division between you and them." + +"But this is not such a case?" said Thorold. + +"That is only part," I said. "Suppose your orders were to keep +constant watch and hold yourself at every minute ready for duty, and +to go nowhere and do nothing that would unfit you for instant service, +or put you off your watch?" + +"But, Miss Randolph!" said Thorold, a little impatiently, "do these +little dances unfit you for duty?" + +"Yes," I said. "And put me off my watch." + +"Your watch against what? Oh, pardon me, and _please_ enlighten me. I +do not mean to be impertinent." + +"I mean my watch for orders--my watch against evil." + +"Won't you explain?" said Thorold, gently and impatiently at once. +"What sort of evil can _you_ possibly fear, in connection with such an +innocent recreation? What 'orders' are you expecting?" + +I hesitated. Should I tell him; would he believe; was it best to +unveil the working of my own heart to that degree? And how could I +evade or shirk the question? + +"I should not like to tell you," I said at length, "the thoughts and +feelings I found stirring in myself, after the last time I went to the +dance. I dare say they are something that belongs especially to a +woman, and that a man would not know them." + +Thorold turned on me again a wonderfully gentle look, for a gay, fiery +young Vermonter, as I knew him to be. + +"It wanted only that!" he said. "And the orders, Miss Randolph--what +'orders' are you expecting? You said orders." + +"Orders may be given by a sign," I said. "They need not be in words." + +He smiled. "I see, you have studied the subject." + +"I mean, only, that whenever a duty is plainly put before +me--something given me to do--I know I have 'orders' to do it. And +then, Mr. Thorold, as the orders are not spoken, nor brought to me by +a messenger, only made known to me by a sign of some sort--If I did +not keep a good watch, I should be sure to miss the sign sometimes, +don't you see?" + +"This is soldiership!" said Thorold. And getting up, he stood before +me in attitude like a soldier as he was, erect, still with arms +folded, only not up to his chin, like Capt. Percival, but folded +manfully. He had been watching me very intently; now he stood as +intently looking off over the farther landscape. Methought I had a +sort of pride in his fine appearance; and yet he did in no wise belong +to me. Nevertheless, it was pleasant to see the firm, still attitude, +the fine proportions, the military nicety of all his dress, which I +had before noticed on the parade ground. For as there is a difference +between one walk and another, though all trained, so there is a +difference between one neatness and another, though all according to +regulation: and Preston never looked like this. + +He turned round at last, and smiled down at me. + +"Are you rested?" + +"O yes!" I said, rising. "I was not fatigued." + +"Are you tired talking?" + +"No, not at all. Have I talked so very much?" + +He laughed at that, but went on. + +"Will you be out of patience with my stupidity?" + +I said no. + +"Because I am not fully enlightened yet. I want to ask further +questions; and asking questions is very impertinent." + +"Not if you have leave," I said. "Ask what you like." + +"I am afraid, nevertheless. But I can never know, if I do not ask. How +is it--this is what puzzles me--that other people who call themselves +Christians do not think as you do about this matter?" + +"Soldiership?" I asked. + +"Well, yes. It comes to that, I suppose." + +"You know what soldiership ought to be," I said. + +"But one little soldier cannot be all the rank and file of this army?" +he said, looking down at me. + +"O no!" I said, laughing--"there are a great many more--there are a +great many more--only you do not happen to see them." + +"And these others, that I do see, are not soldiers, then?" + +"I do not know," I said, feeling sadly what a stumbling-block it was. +"Perhaps they are. But you know yourself, Mr. Thorold, there is a +difference between soldiers and soldiers." + +He was silent a while, as we mounted the hill; then he continued-- + +"But it makes religion a slavery--a bondage--to be _all_ the while +under arms, on guard, watching orders. _Always_ on the watch and +expecting to be under fire--it is too much; it would make a gloomy, +ugly life of it." + +"But suppose you _are_ under fire?" I said. + +"What?" said he, looking and laughing again. + +"If you are a good soldier in an enemy's country, always with work to +do; will you wish to be off your guard, or off duty?" + +"But what a life!" said Thorold. + +"If you love your Captain?" said I. + +He stopped and looked at me with one of the keenest looks of scrutiny +I ever met. It seemed to scrutinize not me only, but the truth. I +thought he was satisfied; for he turned away without adding anything +more at that time. His mind was at work, however; for he broke down a +small branch in his way and busied himself with it in sweeping the +trunks of the trees as we went by; varying the occupation with a +careful clearing away of all stones and sticks that would make my path +rougher than it need be. Finally, giving me his hand to help me spring +over a little rivulet that crossed our way. + +"Here is an incongruity, now I think of it," said he, smiling. "How is +it that you be on such good terms with a rebel? Ought you to have +anything to do with me?" + +"I may be friends with anybody in his private capacity," I answered in +the same tone. "That does not compromise anything. It is only +when--You know what I mean." + +"When they are assembled for doubtful purposes." + +"Or gathered in a place where the wrong colours are displayed," I +added. "I must not go there." + +"There was no false banner hung out on the Academic Building the other +night," he said humorously. + +But I knew my King's banner was not either. I knew people did not +think of Him there, nor work for Him, and would have been very much +surprised to hear any one speak of Him. Say it was innocent amusement; +people did not want Him with them there; and where He was not, I did +not wish to be. But I could not tell all this to Mr. Thorold. He was +not contented, however, without an answer. + +"How was it?" he asked. + +"You cannot understand me and you may laugh at me," I said. + +"Why may I not understand you?" he asked deferentially. + +"I suppose, because you do not understand something else," I said; +"and you cannot, Mr. Thorold, until you know what the love of Jesus +is, and what it is to care for His honour and His service more than +for anything else in the world." + +"But are they compromised?" he asked. "That is the thing. You see, I +want you back at the hop." + +"I would like to come," said I; "but I must not." + +"On the ground--?" + +"I told you, Mr. Thorold. I do not find that my orders allow me to go. +I must do nothing that I cannot do in my King's name." + +"That is--" + +"As His servant--on His errands--following where He leads me." + +"I never heard it put so before," said Thorold. "It bears the stamp of +perfection--only an impossible perfection." + +"No--" said I. + +"To ordinary mortals," he rejoined, with one of his quick, brilliant +flashes of the eye. Then, as it softened and changed again-- + +"Miss Randolph, permit me to ask one question--Are you happy?" + +And with the inquiry came the investigating look, keen as a razor or a +rifle ball. I could meet it, though; and I told him it was _this_ made +me happy. For the first time his face was troubled. He turned it from +me and dropped the conversation. I let it drop, too; and we walked +side by side and silently the remainder of the steep way; neither of +us, I believe, paying much attention to what there was to be seen +below or around us. At the top, however, this changed. We found a good +place to rest, and sat there a long time looking at the view; Thorold +pointing out its different features, and telling me about them in +detail; his visits to them, and exploration of the region generally. +And we planned imaginary excursions together, one especially to the +top of the Crow's Nest, with an imaginary party, to see the sun rise. +We would have to go up, of course, overnight; we must carry a tent +along for shelter, and camp-beds, and cooking utensils, at least a pot +to boil coffee; and plenty of warm wraps and plenty of provisions, for +people always eat terribly in cold regions, Thorold said. And although +the top of the Crow's Nest is not Arctic by any means, still, it is +cool enough even in a warm day, and would be certainly cool at night. +Also the members of our party we debated; they must be people of good +tempers and travelling habits, not to be put out for a little; people +with large tastes for enjoyment, to whom the glory of the morning +would make amends for all the toil of the night; and good talkers, to +keep up the tone of the whole thing. Meanwhile, Thorold and I heartily +enjoyed Number Four; as also I did his explanations of fortifications, +which I drew from him and made him apply to all the fortifications in +sight or which I knew. And when the sun's westing told us it was time +to go home, we went down all the way talking. I have but little +remembrance of the path. I remember the cool, bright freshness of the +light, and its brilliant gleam in the distance after it had left the +hillside. I have an impression of the calm clear beauty that was +underfoot and overhead that afternoon; but I saw it only as I could +see it while giving my thought to something else. Sometimes, holding +hands, we took runs down the mountain side; then walked demurely again +when we got to easier going. We had come to the lower region at last, +and were not far from the gate, talking earnestly and walking close +together, when I saw Thorold touch his cap. + +"Was that anybody I knew?" I asked. + +"I believe it was your friend Dr. Sandford," he said, smiling into my +face with a smile of peculiar expression and peculiar beauty. I saw +something had pleased him, pleased him very much. It could not have +been Dr. Sandford. I cannot say I was pleased, as I had an intuitive +assurance the doctor was not. But Thorold's smile almost made amends. + +That evening the doctor informed us he had got intelligence which +obliged him to leave the Point immediately; and as he could go with us +part of the way to Niagara, we had better all set off together. I had +lost all my wish to go to Niagara; but I said nothing. Mrs. Sandford +said there was nothing to be gained by staying at the Point any +longer, as I would not go to the hops. So Monday morning we went +away. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + +SOUTH AND NORTH. + + +We made a round of pleasure after leaving West Point. That is, it was +a round of pleasure to the rest of the party. I had left my best +pleasure behind me. Certainly, I enjoyed Catskill, and Trenton Falls, +and Niagara, after some sort; but there was nothing in them all like +my walk to "Number Four." West Point had enough natural beauty to +satisfy any one, I thought, even for all summer; and there I had +besides what I had not elsewhere and never had before, a companion. +All my earlier friends were far older than I, or beneath me in +station. Preston was the single exception; and Preston and I were now +widely apart in our sympathies; indeed, always had been. Mr. Thorold +and I talked to each other on a level; we understood each other and +suited each other. I could let out my thoughts to him with a freedom I +never could use with anybody else. + +It grieved me a little that I had been forced to come away so abruptly +that I had no chance of letting him know. Courtesy, I thought, +demanded of me that I should have done this; and I could not do it; +and this was a constant subject of regret to me. + +At the end of our journey I came back to school. Letters from my +father and mother desired that I would do so, and appointed that I was +to join them abroad next year. My mother had decided that it was best +not to interfere with the regular course of my education; and my +father renewed his promise that I should have any reward I chose to +claim, to comfort me for the delay. So I bent myself to study with new +energies and new hope. + +I studied more things than school books that winter. The bits of +political matter I had heard talked over at West Point were by no +means forgotten; and once in a while, when I had time and a chance, I +seized one of the papers from Mme. Ricard's library table and examined +it. And every time I did so, something urged me to do it again. I was +very ignorant. I had no clue to a great deal that was talked of in +these prints: but I could perceive the low threatening growl of coming +ill weather, which seemed to rise on the ear every time I listened. +And a little anxiety began to grow up in my mind. Mme. Ricard, of +course, never spoke on these subjects, and probably did not care about +them. Dr. Sandford was safe in Washington. I once asked Miss Cardigan +what she thought. "There are evil men abroad, dear," she said. "I +don't know what they will be permitted to do." + +"Who do you hope will be elected?" I asked. + +"I don't vote myself," said Miss Cardigan; "so I do not fash myself +much with what I can't help; but I hope the man will be elected that +will do the right thing." + +"And who is that?" I asked. "You do not want slavery to be allowed in +the territories?" + +"I? Not I!" said Miss Cardigan. "And if the people want to keep it out +of them, I suppose they will elect Abraham Lincoln. I don't know if he +is the right man or no; but he is on the right side. 'Break every +yoke, and let the oppressed go free.' That is my maxim, Daisy." + +I pondered this matter by turns more and more. By and by there began +to be audible mutterings of a storm in the air around me. The first I +heard was when we were all together in the evening with our work, the +half hour before tea. + +"Lincoln is elected," whispered one of the girls to another. + +"Who cares?" the other said aloud. + +"What if he is?" asked a third. + +"Then," said a gentle, graceful-looking girl, spreading her embroidery +out on her lap with her slim white fingers--"_then_ there'll be +fighting." + +It was given, this announcement, with the coolest matter-of-fact +assurance. + +"Who is going to fight?" was the next question. + +The former speaker gave a glance up to see if her audience was safe, +and then replied, as coolly as before,-- + +"My brother, for one." + +"What for, Sally?" + +"Do you think we are going to have these vulgar Northerners rule over +_us_? My cousin Marshall is coming back from Europe on purpose that he +may be here and be ready. I know my aunt wrote him word that she would +disinherit him if he did not." + +"Daisy Randolph--you are a Southerner," said one of the girls. + +"Of course, she is a Southerner," said Sally, going on with her +embroidery. "She is safe." + +But if I was safe, I was very uncomfortable. I hardly knew why I was +so uncomfortable. Only, I wished ardently that troubles might not +break out between the two quarters of the country. I had a sense that +the storm would come near home. I could not recollect my mother and my +father, without a dread that there would be opposing electricities +between them and me. + +I began to study the daily news more constantly and carefully. I had +still the liberty of Madame's library, and the papers were always +there. I could give to them only a few minutes now and then; but I +felt that the growl of the storm was coming nearer and growing more +threatening. Extracts from Southern papers seemed to my mind very +violent and very wrong-headed; at the same time, I knew that my mother +would endorse and Preston echo them. Then South Carolina passed the +ordinance of secession. Six days after, Major Anderson took possession +of Fort Sumter in Charleston Harbour, and immediately the fort he had +left and Castle Pinckney were garrisoned by the South Carolinians in +opposition. I could not tell how much all this signified; but my heart +began to give a premonitory beat sometimes. Mississippi followed South +Carolina; then United States' forts and arsenals were seized in North +Carolina and Georgia and Alabama, one after the other. The tone of the +press was very threatening, at least of the Southern press. And not +less significant, to my ear, was the whisper I occasionally heard +among a portion of our own little community. A secret whisper, intense +in its sympathy with the seceding half of the nation, contemptuously +hostile to the other part, among whom they were at that very moment +receiving Northern education and Northern kindness. The girls even +listened and gathered scraps of conversation that passed in their +hearing, to retail them in letters sent home; "they did not know," +they said, "what might be of use." Later, some of these letters were +intercepted by the General Government, and sent back from Washington +to Madame Ricard. All this told me much of the depth and breadth of +feeling among the community of which these girls formed a part; and my +knowledge of my father and mother, Aunt Gary and Preston, and others, +told me more. I began to pray that God would not let war come upon the +land. + +Then there was a day, in January, I think, when a bit of public news +was read out in presence of the whole family; a thing that rarely +happened. It was evening, and we were all in the parlour with our +work. I forget who was the reader, but I remember the words: "'The +steamer, _Star of the West_ with two hundred and fifty United States +troops on board for Fort Sumter, was fired into' (I forget the day) +'by the batteries near Charleston.' Young ladies, do you hear that? +The steamer was fired into. That is the beginning." + +We looked at each other, we girls; startled, sorry, awed, with a +strange glance of defiance from some eyes, while some flowed over with +tears, and some were eager with a feeling that was not displeasure. +All were silent at first. Then whispers began. + +"I told you so," said Sally. + +"Well, _they_ have begun it," said Macy, who was a native of New York. + +"Of course. What business had the _Star of the West_ to be carrying +those troops there? South Carolina can take care of her own forts." + +"Daisy Randolph, you look as solemn as a preacher," said another. +"Which side are you on?" + +"She is on the right side," said another. + +"Of course," said Sally. "She is the daughter of a Southern +gentleman." + +"I am not on the side of those who fire the first shot," I said. + +"There is no other way," said Sally, coolly. "If a rat comes in your +way you must shoot him. I knew it had got to come. I have heard my +uncle talk enough about that." + +"But what will be the end of it?" said another. + +"Pooh! It will end like smoke. The Yankees do not like fighting--they +would rather be excused, if you please. Their _forte_ is quite in +another line--out of the way of powder." + +I wondered if that was true. I thought of Thorold, and of Major Blunt. +I was troubled; and when I went to see Miss Cardigan, next day, I +found she could give me little comfort. + +"I don't know, my dear," she said, "what they may be left to do. +They're just daft, down there; clean daft." + +"If they fight, we shall be obliged to fight," I said, not liking to +ask her about Northern courage; and, indeed, she was a Scotswoman, and +what should she know? + +"Aye, just that," she replied; "and fighting between the two parts of +one land is just the worst fighting there can be. Pray it may not +come, Daisy; but those people are quite daft." + +The next letters from my mother spoke of my coming out to them as soon +as the school year should be over. The country was likely to be +disturbed, she said; and it would not suit with my father's health to +come home just now. As soon as the school year should be over, and Dr. +Sandford could find a proper opportunity for me to make the journey, I +should come. + +I was very glad; yet I was not all glad. I wished they had been able +to come to me. I was not, I hardly knew why I was not quite ready to +quit America while these troubles threatened. And as days went on, and +the cloud grew blacker, my feeling of unwillingness increased. The +daily prints were full of fresh instances of the seizure of United +States property, of the secession of New States; then the Secession +Congress met, and elected Jefferson Davis and Alexander Stephens their +president and vice-president; and rebellion was duly organized. + +Jefferson Davis! How the name took me back to the summer parade on the +West Point plain, and my first view of that smooth, sinister, +ill-conditioned face. Now _he_ was heading rebellion. Where would Dr. +Sandford, and Mr. Thorold, and Preston be? How far would the rebels +carry their work? and what opposition would be made to it? Again I +asked Miss Cardigan. + +"It's beyond _me_, Daisy," she said. "I suppose it will depend very +much on whether we've got the right man to head us or no; and that +nobody can tell till we try. This man, Buchanan, that is over us at +present, he is no better than a bit of cotton-wool. I am going to take +a look at Mr. Lincoln as he comes through, and see what I think of +him." + +"When is he coming?" + +"They say to-day," said Miss Cardigan. "There'll be an uncommon crowd, +but I'll risk it." + +A great desire seized me, that I might see him too. I consulted with +Miss Cardigan. School hours were over at three; I could get away then, +I thought; and by studying the programme of the day we found it +possible that it would not be too late then for our object. So it +proved; and I have always been glad of it ever since. + +Miss Cardigan and I went forth and packed ourselves in the dense crowd +which had gathered and filled all the way by which the President-elect +was expected to pass. A quiet and orderly and most respectable crowd +it was. Few Irish, few of the miserable of society, who come out only +for a spectacle; there were the yeomanry and the middle classes, men +of business, men of character and some substance, who were waiting, +like us, to see what promise for the future there might be in the +aspect of our new chief. Waiting patiently; and we could only wait +patiently like them. I thought of Preston's indignation if he could +have seen me, and Dr. Sandford's ready negative on my being there; but +well were these thoughts put to flight when the little cavalcade for +which we were looking hove in sight and drew near. Intense curiosity +and then profound satisfaction seized me. The strong, grave, kindly +lineaments of the future Head of the Country gave me instantly a +feeling of confidence, which I never lost in all the time that +followed. That was, confidence in his honesty and goodness; but +another sort of trust was awakened by the keen, searching, shrewd +glances of those dark eyes, which seemed to penetrate the masses of +human intelligences surrounding him, and seek to know what manner of +_material_ he might find them at need. He was not thinking of himself, +that was plain; and the homely, expressive features got a place in my +heart from that time. The little cavalcade passed on from us; the +crowd melted away, and Miss Cardigan and I came slowly again up Fifth +Avenue. + +"Yon's a mon!" quoth Miss Cardigan, speaking, as she did in moments of +strong feeling, with a little reminder of her Scottish origin. + +"Didn't you like him?" I rejoined. + +"I always like a man when I see him," said my friend. "He had need be +that, too, for he has got a man's work to do." + +And it soon appeared that she spoke true. I watched every action, and +weighed every word of Mr. Lincoln now, with a strange interest. I +thought great things depended on him. I was glad when he determined to +send supplies into Fort Sumter. I was sure that he was right; but I +held my breath, as it were, to see what South Carolina would do. The +twelfth of April told us. + +"So they have done it, Daisy!" said Miss Cardigan, that evening. "They +are doing it, rather. They have been firing at each other all day." + +"Well, Major Anderson must defend his fort," I said. "That is his +duty." + +"No doubt," said Miss Cardigan; "but you look pale, Daisy, my bairn. +You are from those quarters yourself. Is there anybody in that +neighbourhood that is dear to you?" + +I had the greatest difficulty not to burst into tears, by way of +answer, and Miss Cardigan looked concerned at me. I told her there was +nobody there I cared for, except some poor coloured people who were in +no danger. + +"There'll be many a sore heart in the country if this goes on," she +said, with a sigh. + +"But it will not go on, will it?" I asked. "They cannot take Fort +Sumter; do you think so?" + +"I know little about it," said my friend, soberly. "I am no soldier. +And we never know what is best, Daisy. We must trust the Lord, my +dear, to unravel these confusions." + +And the next night the little news-boys in the streets were crying out +the "Fall of Fort Sum--ter!" It rang ominously in my heart. The +rebels had succeeded so far; and they would go on. Yes, they would go +on now, I felt assured; unless some very serious check should be given +them. Could the Yankees give that? I doubted it. Yet _their_ cause was +the cause of right, and justice, and humanity; but the right does +_not_ always at first triumph, whatever it may do in the end; and good +swords, and good shots, and the spirit of a soldier, are things that +are allowed to carry their force with them. I knew the South had +these. What had the North? + +Even in our school seclusion, we felt the breath of the tremendous +excitement which swayed the public mind next day. Not bluster, nor +even passion, but the stir of the people's heart. As we walked to +church, we could hear it in half caught words of those we passed by, +see it in the grave, intense air which characterised groups and faces; +feel it in the atmosphere, which was heavy with indignation and +gathering purpose. It was said no Sunday like that had been known in +the city. Within our own little community, if parties ran high, they +were like those outside, quiet; but when alone, the Southern girls +testified an exultation that jarred painfully upon my ears. + +"Daisy don't care." + +"Yes, I care," I said. + +"For shame not to be glad! You see, it is glorious. We have it all our +own way. The impertinence of trying to hold our forts for us!" + +"I don't see anything glorious in fighting," I said. + +"Not when you are attacked?" + +"We were not attacked," I said. "South Carolina fired the first guns." + +"Good for her!" said Sally. "Brave little South Carolina! Nobody will +meddle with her and come off without cutting his fingers." + +"Nobody did meddle with her," I asserted. "It was _she_ who meddled, +to break the laws and fight against the government." + +"What government?" said Sally. "Are we slaves, that we should be ruled +by a government we don't choose? We will have our own. Do you think +South Carolina and Virginia _gentlemen_ are going to live under a +rail-splitter for a President? and take orders from him?" + +"What do you mean by a 'rail-splitter'?" + +"I mean this Abe Lincoln the northern mudsills have picked up to make +a President of. He used to get his living by splitting rails for a +Western fence, Daisy Randolph." + +"But if he is President, he is President," I said. + +"For those that like him. _We_ won't have him. Jefferson Davis is my +President. And all I can do to help him I will. I can't fight; I wish +I could. My brother and my cousins and my uncle will, though, that's +one comfort; and what I can do I will." + +"Then I think you are a traitor," I said. + +I was hated among the Southern girls from that day. Hated with a +bitter, violent hatred, which had indeed little chance to show itself, +but was manifested in the scornful, intense avoidance of me. The +bitterness of it is surprising to me even now. I cared not very much +for it. I was too much engrossed with deeper interests of the time, +both public and private. The very next day came the President's call +for seventy-five thousand men; and the next, the answer of the +governor of Kentucky, that "Kentucky would furnish no troops for the +wicked purpose of subduing her sister Southern States." I saw this in +the paper in the library; the other girls had no access to the general +daily news, or I knew there would have been shoutings of triumph over +Governor Magoffin. Other governors of other States followed his +example. Jefferson Davis declared in a proclamation that letters of +marque and reprisal would be issued. Everything wore the aspect of +thickening strife. + +My heart grew very heavy over these signs of evil, fearing I knew not +what for those whom I cared about. Indeed, I would not stop to think +what I feared. I tried to bury my fears in my work. Letters from my +mother became very explicit now; she said that troublesome times were +coming in the country, and she would like me to be out of it. After a +little while, when the independence of the South should be assured, we +would all come home and be happy together. Meantime, as soon after the +close of the school year as Dr. Sandford could find a good chance for +me, I was to come out to them at Lausanne, where my mother thought +they would be by that time. + +So I studied with all my strength, with the double motive of gaining all +I could and of forgetting what was going on in the political world. Music +and French, my mother particularly desired that I should excel in; and I +gave many hours to my piano, as many as possible, and talked with Mlle. +Genevieve, whenever she would let me. And she was very fond of me and +fond of talking to me; it was she who kept for me my library privilege. +And my voice was good, as it had promised to be. I had the pleasure of +feeling that I was succeeding in what I most wished to attain. It was +succeeding over the heads of my schoolfellows; and that earned me wages +that were not pleasant among a portion of my companions. Faustina St. +Clair was back among us; she would perhaps have forgiven if she could +have forgotten me; but my headship had been declared ever since the time +of the bronze standish, and even rivalry had been long out of the +question. So the old feud was never healed; and now, between the +unfriendliness of her party and the defection of all the Southern girls, +I was left in a great minority of popular favour. It could not be helped. +I studied the harder. I had unlimited favour with all my teachers, and +every indulgence I asked for. + +The news of the attack in Baltimore upon the Massachusetts troops +passing through the city, and Governor Andrew's beautiful telegram, +shook me out of my pre-occupation. It shook me out of all quiet for a +day. Indignation, and fear, and sorrow rolled through my heart. The +passions that were astir among men, the mad results to which they were +leading, the possible involvement of several of those whom I loved, a +general trembling of evil in the air, made study difficult for the +moment. What signified the course and fate of nations hundreds of +years ago? Our own course and fate filled the horizon. What signified +the power or beauty of my voice, when I had not the heart to send it +up and down like a bird any longer? Where was Preston, and Dr. +Sandford, and Ransom, and what would become of Magnolia? In truth, I +did not know what had become of Ransom. I had not heard from him or of +him in a long time. But these thoughts would not do. I drove them +away. I resolved to mind my work and not read the papers, if I could +help it, and not think about politics or my friends' course in them. I +could do nothing. And in a few months I should be away, out of the +land. + +I kept my resolve pretty well. Indeed, I think nothing very particular +happened to disturb it for the next two or three weeks. I succeeded in +filling my head with work and being very happy in it. That is, +whenever I could forget more important things. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + +ENTERED FOR THE WAR. + + +One evening, I think before the end of April, I asked permission to +spend the evening at Miss Cardigan's. I had on hand a piece of study +for which I wanted to consult certain books which I knew were in her +library. Mlle. Genevieve gave me leave gladly. + +"You do study too persevering, m'amie," she said. "Go, and stop to +study for a little while. You are pale. I am afraid your doctor--ce +bon Monsieur le docteur--will scold us all by and by. Go, and do not +study." + +But I determined to have my play and my study too. + +As I passed through Miss Cardigan's hall, the parlour door, standing +half open let me see that a gentleman was with her. Not wishing to +interrupt any business that might be going on, and not caring also to +be bored with it myself, I passed by and went into the inner room +where the books were. I would study now, I thought, and take my +pleasure with my dear old friend by and by, when she was at leisure. I +had found my books, and had thrown myself down on the floor with one, +when a laugh that came from the front room laid a spell upon my powers +of study. The book fell from my hands; I sat bolt upright, every sense +resolved into that of hearing. What, and who had that been? I +listened. Another sound of a word spoken, another slight inarticulate +suggestion of laughter; and I knew with an assured knowledge that my +friend Cadet Thorold, and no other, was the gentleman in Miss +Cardigan's parlour with whom she had business. I sat up and forgot my +books. The first impulse was to go in immediately and show myself. I +can hardly tell what restrained me. I remembered that Miss Cardigan +must have business with him, and I had better not interrupt it. But +those sounds of laughter had not been very business-like, either. Nor +were they business words which came through the open door. I never +thought or knew I was listening. I only thought it was Thorold, and +held my breath to hear, or rather to feel. My ears seemed sharpened +beyond all their usual faculty. + +"And you haven't gone and fallen in love, callant, meanwhile, just to +complicate affairs?" said the voice of Miss Cardigan. + +"I shall never fall in love," said Thorold, with (I suppose) mock +gravity. His voice sounded so. + +"Why not?" + +"I require too much." + +"It's like your conceit!" said Miss Cardigan. "Now, what is it that +you require? I would like to know; that is, if you know yourself. It +appears that you have thought about it." + +"I have thought, till I have got it all by heart," said Thorold. "The +worst is, I shall never find it in this world." + +"That's likely. Come, lad, paint your picture, and I'll tell you if +_I_ know where to look," said Miss Cardigan. + +"And then you'll search for me?" + +"I dinna ken if you deserve it," said Miss Cardigan. + +"I don't deserve it, of course," said Thorold. "Well--I have painted +the likeness a good many times. The first thing is a pair of eyes as +deep and grey as our mountain lakes." + +"I never heard that your Vermont lakes were _grey_," said Miss +Cardigan. + +"Oh, but they are! when the shadow of the mountains closes them in. It +is not cold grey, but purple and brown, the shadow of light, as it +were; the lake is in shadow. Only, if a bit of blue _does_ show itself +there, it is the very heaven." + +"I hope that it is not going to be in poetry?" said Miss Cardigan's +voice, sounding dry and amused. "What is the next thing? It is a very +good picture of eyes." + +"The next thing is a mouth that makes you think of nothing but kissing +it; the lines are so sweet, and so mobile, and at the same time so +curiously subdued. A mouth that has learned to smile when things don't +go right; and that has learned the lesson so well, you cannot help +thinking it must have often known things go wrong; to get the habit so +well, you know." + +"Eh?--Why, boy!"--cried Miss Cardigan. + +"Do you know anybody like it?" said Thorold, laughing. "If you do, you +are bound to let me know where, you understand." + +"What lies between the eyes and mouth?" said Miss Cardigan. "There +goes more to a picture." + +"Between the eyes and mouth," said Thorold, "there is sense and +dignity, and delicacy, and refinement to a fastidious point; and a +world of strength of character in the little delicate chin." + +"Character--_that_ shows in the mouth," said Miss Cardigan, slowly. + +"I told you so," said Thorold. "That is what I told you. Truth, and +love, and gentleness, all sit within those little red lips; and a +great strength of will, which you cannot help thinking has borne +something to try it. The brow is like one of our snowy mountain tops +with the sun shining on it." + +"And the lady's figure is like a pine-tree, isn't it? It sounds gay, +as if you'd fallen in love with Nature, and so personified and imaged +her in human likeness. Is it real humanity?" + +Thorold laughed his gay laugh. "The pine-tree will do excellently, +Aunt Catherine," he said. "No better embodiment of stately grace could +be found." + +My ears tingled. "Aunt Catherine?" _Aunt!_ Then Thorold must be her +relation, her nephew; then he was not come on business; then he would +stay to tea. I might as well show myself. But, I thought, if Thorold +had some other lady so much in his mind (for I was sure his picture +must be in a portrait), he would not care so very much about seeing +me, as I had at first fancied he would. However, I could not go away; +so I might as well go in; it would not do to wait longer. The evening +had quite fallen now. It was April, as I said, but a cold, raw spring +day, and had been like that for several days. Houses were chill; and +in Miss Cardigan's grate a fine fire of Kennal coals were blazing, +making its red illumination all over the room and the two figures who +sat in front of it. She had had a grate put in this winter. There was +no other light, only that soft red glow and gloom, under favour of +which I went in and stood almost beside them before they perceived me. +I did not speak to Miss Cardigan. I remember my words were, "How do +you do, Mr. Thorold?"--in a very quiet kind of a voice; for I did not +now expect him to be very glad. But I was surprised at the change my +words made. He sprang up, his eyes flashing a sort of shower of sparks +over me, gladness in every line of his face, and surprise, and a kind +of inexpressible deference in his manner. + +"Daisy!" he exclaimed. "Miss Randolph!" + +"Daisy!" echoed Miss Cardigan. "My dear--do you two know each other? +Where did you come from?" + +I think I did not answer. I am sure Thorold did not. He was caring for +me, placing his chair nearer his aunt, and putting me into it, before +he let go the hand he had taken. Then, drawing up another chair on the +other side of me, he sat down, looking at me (I thought afterwards, I +only felt at the moment), as if I had been some precious wonder; the +Koh-i-noor diamond, or anything of that sort. + +"Where did you come from?" was his first question. + +"I have been in the house a little while," I said. "I thought at first +Miss Cardigan had somebody with her on business, so I would not come +in." + +"It is quite true, Daisy," said Miss Cardigan; "it is somebody on +business." + +"Nothing private about it, though," said Thorold, smiling at me. "But +where in the world did you and Aunt Catherine come together?" + +"And what call have ye to search into it?" said Miss Cardigan's +good-humoured voice. "I know a great many bodies, callant, that you +know not." + +"I know this one, though," said Thorold. "Miss Randolph--won't you +speak? for Aunt Catherine is in no mood to tell me--have you two known +each other long?" + +"It seems long," I said. "It is not very long." + +"Since last summer?" + +"Certainly!" + +"If that's the date of _your_ acquaintanceship," said Miss Cardigan, +"we're auld friends to that. Is all well, Daisy?" + +"All quite well, ma'am. I came to do a bit of study I wanted in your +books, and to have a nice time with you, besides." + +"And here is this fellow in the way. But we cannot turn him out, +Daisy; he is going fast enough; on what errand, do you think, is he +bent?" + +_I_ had not thought about it till that minute. Something, some thread +of the serious, in Miss Cardigan's voice, made me look suddenly at +Thorold. He had turned his eyes from me and had bent them upon the +fire, all merriment gone out of his face, too. It was thoroughly +grave. + +"What are you going to do, Mr. Thorold?" I asked. + +"Do you remember a talk we had down on Flirtation Walk one day last +summer, when you asked me about possible political movements at the +South, and I asked you what you would do?" + +"Yes," I said, my heart sinking. + +"The time has come," he said, facing round upon me. + +"And you--?" + +"I shall be on my way to Washington in a few days. Men are wanted +now--all the men that have any knowledge to be useful. I may not be +very useful. But I am going to try." + +"I thought"--it was not quite easy to speak, for I was struggling with +something which threatened to roughen my voice--"I thought you did not +graduate till June?" + +"Not regularly; not usually; but things are extraordinary this year. +We graduate and go on to Washington at once." + +I believe we were all silent a few minutes. + +"Daisy," said Miss Cardigan, "you have nobody that is dear to _you_ +likely to be engaged in the fray--if there is one?" + +"I don't know--" I said, rather faintly. I remember I said it; I +cannot tell why, for I _did_ know. I knew that Preston and Ransom were +both likely to be in the struggle, even if Ransom had been at the +moment at the opposite side of the world. But then Thorold roused up +and began to talk. He talked to divert us, I think. He told us of +things that concerned himself and his class personally, giving details +to which we listened eagerly; and he went on from them to things and +people in the public line, of which and of whom neither Miss Cardigan +nor I had known the thousandth part so much before. We sat and +listened, Miss Cardigan often putting in a question, while the warm +still glow of the firelight shed over us and all the room its +assurance of peace and quiet, woven and compounded of life-long +associations. Thorold sat before us and talked, and we looked at him +and listened in the fire-shine; and my thoughts made swift sideway +flights every now and then from this peace and glow of comfort, and +from Thorold's talk, to the changes of the camp and the possible +coming strife; spectres of war, guns and swords, exposure and +wounds--and sickness--and the battlefield--what could I tell? and Miss +Cardigan's servant put another lump of coal on the fire, and Thorold +presently broke it, and the jet of illumination sprang forth, mocking +and yet revealing in its sweet home glow my visions of terror. They +were but momentary visions; I could not bear, of course, to look +steadily at them; they were spectres that came and went with a wave of +a hand, in a jet of flame, or the shadow of an opening door; but they +went and came; and I saw many things in Thorold's face that night +besides the manly lines of determination and spirit, the look of +thought and power, and the hover of light in his eye when it turned to +me. I don't know what Miss Cardigan saw; but several times in the +evening I heard her sigh; a thing very unusual and notable with her. +Again and again I heard it, a soft long breath. + +I gave it no heed at the time. My eyes and thoughts were fixed on the +other member of the party; and I was like one in a dream. I walked in +a dream; till we went into the other room to tea, and I heard Miss +Cardigan say, addressing her nephew-- + +"Sit there, Christian." + +I was like one in a dream, or I should have known what this meant. I +did know two minutes afterwards. But at the moment, falling in with +some of my thoughts, the word made me start and look at Thorold. I +cannot tell what was in my look; I know what was in my heart; the +surprised inquiry and the yearning wish. Thorold's face flushed. He +met my eyes with an intense recognition and inquiry in his own, and +then, I am almost sure, his were dim. He set my chair for me at the +table, and took hold of me and put me in it with a very gentle touch +that seemed to thank me. + +"That is my name, Miss Randolph," he said, "the name given me by my +parents." + +"You'll earn it yet, boy," said Miss Cardigan. "But the sooner the +better." + +There was after that a very deep gravity upon us all for the first +minutes at the table. I wondered to myself, how people can go on drinking +tea and eating bread and butter through everything; yet they must, and +even I was doing it at the moment, and not willing to forego the +occupation. By degrees the wonted course of things relieved our minds, +which were upon too high a strain. It appeared that Thorold was very +hungry, having missed his dinner somehow; and his aunt ordered up +everything in the house for his comfort, in which I suppose she found her +own. And then Thorold made me eat with him. I was sure I did not want it, +but that made no difference. Things were prepared for me and put upon my +plate, and a soft little command laid on me to do with them what I was +expected to do. It was not like the way Dr. Sandford used to order me, +nor in the least like Preston's imperiousness, which I could withstand +well enough; there was something in it which nullified all my power and +even will to resist, and I was as submissive as possible. Thorold grew +very bright again as the meal went on, and began to talk in a somewhat +livelier strain than he had been in before tea; and I believe he did wile +both his aunt and me out of the sad or grave thoughts we had been +indulging. I know that I was obliged to laugh, as I was obliged to eat. +Thorold had his own way, and seemed to like it. Even his aunt was amused +and interested, and grew lively, like herself. With all that, through the +whole supper-time I had an odd feeling of her being on one side; it +seemed to be only Thorold and I really there; and in all Thorold was +doing and through all he was talking, I had a curious sense that he was +occupied only with me. It was not that he said so much directly to me or +looked so much at me; I do not know how I got the feeling. There was Miss +Cardigan at the head of the table busy and talking as usual, clever and +kind; yet the air seemed to be breathed only by Thorold and me. + +"And how soon, lad," Miss Cardigan broke out suddenly, when a moment's +lull in the talk had given her a chance, "how soon will ye be off to +that region of disturbance whither ye are going?" + +"Washington?" said Thorold. "Just as soon as our examination can be +pushed through; in a very few days now." + +"You'll come to me by the way, for another look at you, in your +officer's uniform?" + +"Uniform? nobody will have any uniform, I fancy," said Thorold; +"nobody has any time to think of that. No, Aunt Catherine, and I shall +not see you, either. I expect we shall rush through without the loss +of a train. I can't stop. I don't care what clothes I wear to get +there." + +"How came you to be here now, if you are in such a hurry?" + +"Nothing on earth would have brought me, but the thing that did bring +me," said Thorold. "I was subpoenaed down, to give my evidence in a +trial. I must get back again without loss of a minute; should have +gone to-night, if there had been a train that stopped. I am very glad +there was no train that stopped!" + +We were all silent for a minute; till the door-bell rang, and the +servant came, announcing Mr. Bunsen, to see Miss Cardigan about the +tenant houses. Miss Cardigan went off through the open doors that led +to the front parlour; and standing by the fire, I watched her figure +diminishing in the long distance till it passed into Mr. Bunsen's +presence and disappeared. Mr. Thorold and I stood silently on either +side of the hearth, looking into the fire, while the servant was +clearing the table. The cheerful, hospitable little table, round which +we had been so cheerful at least for the moment, was dismantled +already, and the wonted cold gleam of the mahogany seemed to tell me +that cheer was all over. The talk of the uniform had overset me. All +sorts of visions of what it signified, what it portended, where it +would go, what it would be doing, were knocking at the door of my +heart, and putting their heads in. Before tea these visions had come +and vanished; often enough, to be sure; now they came and stayed. I +was very quiet, I am certain of that; I was as certainly very sober, +with a great and growing sadness at my heart. I think Thorold was +grave, too, though I hardly looked at him. We did not speak to each +other all the time the servant was busy in the room. We stood silent +before the fire. The study I had come to do had all passed away out of +my mind, though the books were within three feet of me. I was growing +sadder and sadder every minute. + +"Things have changed, since we talked so lightly last summer of what +might be," Thorold said at last. And he said it in a meditative way, +as if he were pondering something. + +"Yes," I assented. + +"The North does not wish for war. The South have brought it upon +themselves." + +"Yes," I said again, wondering a little what was coming. + +"However disagreeable my duty may be, it is my duty; and there is no +shirking it." + +"No," I said. "Of course." + +"And if your friends are on one side and I on the other,--it is not my +fault, Miss Randolph." + +"No," I said; "not at all." + +"Then you do not blame me for taking the part I _must_ take?" + +"No," I said. "You must take it." + +"Are you sorry I take it?" said Thorold with a change of tone, and +coming a step nearer. + +"Sorry?" I said, and I looked up for an instant. "No; how could I be +sorry? it is your duty. It is right." But as I looked down again I had +the greatest difficulty not to burst into tears. I felt as though my +heart would break in two with its burden of pain. It cost a great +effort to stand still and quiet, without showing anything. + +"What is it, then?" said Thorold; and with the next words I knew he +had come close to my side and was stooping his head down to my face, +while his voice dropped. "What is it, Daisy?--Is it--O Daisy, I love +you better than anything else in the world, except my duty! Daisy, do +you love me?" + +Nothing could have been more impossible to me, I think, than to answer +a word; but, indeed, Thorold did not seem to want it. As he questioned +me, he had put his arm round me and drawn me nearer and nearer, +stooping his face to me, till his lips took their own answer at mine; +indeed, took answer after answer, and then, in a sort of passion of +mute joy, kissed my face all over. I could not forbid him; between +excitement and sorrow and happiness and shame, I could do nothing. The +best I could do was to hide my face; but the breast of that grey coat +was a strange hiding-place for it. With that inconsistent mingling of +small things with great in one's perceptions, which everybody knows, I +remember the soft feel of the fine grey cloth along with the clasp of +Thorold's arms and the touch of his cheek resting upon my hair. And we +stood so, quite still, for what seemed both a long and a short time, +in which I think happiness got the upper hand with me, and pain for +the moment was bid into the background. At last Thorold raised his +head and bade me lift up mine. + +"Look up, darling," he said; "look up, Daisy! let me see your face. +Look up, Daisy--we have only a minute, and everything in the world to +say to each other. Daisy--I want to see you." + +I think it was one of the most difficult little things I ever had in +my life to do, to raise my face and let him look at it; but I knew it +must be done, and I did it. One glance at his I ventured. He was +smiling at me; there was a flush upon his cheek; his eye had a light +in it, and with that a glow of tenderness which was different from +anything I had ever seen; and it was glittering, too, I think, with +another sort of suffusion. His hand came smoothing down my hair and +then touching my cheek while he looked at me. + +"What are you going to do with yourself now?" he said softly. + +"I am going on with my studies for another month or two." + +"And you belong to me, Daisy?" + +"Yes." + +He bent his head and kissed my brow. There is an odd difference of +effect between a kiss on the lips and on the forehead, or else it was +a difference in the manner. This seemed a sort of taking possession or +setting a seal; and it gave me a new feeling of something almost like +awe, which I had never associated with the grey coat or with its +wearer before. Along with that came another impression that I suppose +most women know, and know how sweet it is; the sense of an enveloping +protection. Not that I had not been protected all my life; but my +mother's had been the protection of authority; my father's also, in +some measure; Dr. Sandford's was emphatically that of a _guardian_; he +guarded me a little too well. But this new thing that was stealing +into my heart, with its subtle delight, was the protection of a +champion; of one who set me and mine above all other interests or +claims in the world, and who would guard me as if he were a part of +myself, only stronger. Altogether Thorold seemed to me different from +what he had been the last summer; there was a gravity now in his face +and air at times that was new and even stern; the gravity of a man +taking stern life work upon him. I felt all this in a minute, while +Thorold was smiling down into my face. + +"And you will write to me?" he said. + +"Yes." + +"And I will write to you. And I belong to you, Daisy, and to no other. +All I have is yours, and all that I am is yours--after my duty; you +may dispose of me, pretty one, just as you like. _You_ would not have +that put second, Daisy." + +A great yearning came over me, so great and strong that it almost took +away my breath. I fancy it spoke in my eyes, for Thorold's face grew +very grave, I remember, as he looked at me. But I must speak it more +plainly than so, at any costs, breath or no breath, and I must not +wait. + +"Christian," I whispered, "won't you earn your right to your name?" + +He pressed his lips upon mine by way of answer first, and then gave me +a quick and firm "Yes." I certainly thought he had found a mouth he +was talking of a little while ago. But at that instant the sound of +the distant house door closing, and then of steps coming out from the +parlour, made me know that Miss Cardigan's business was over, and that +she was returning to us. I wanted to free myself from Thorold's arm, +but he would not let me; on the contrary, held me closer, and half +turned to meet Miss Cardigan as she came in. Certainly men are very +different from women. There we stood, awaiting her; and I felt very +much ashamed. + +"Come on, Aunt Catherine," Thorold said, as she paused at the +door,--"come in, come in, and kiss her--this little darling is mine." + +Miss Cardigan came in slowly. I could not look up. + +"Kiss her, Aunt Catherine," he repeated; "she is mine." + +And to my great dismay he set her the example; but I think it was +partly to reassure me, and cover my confusion, which he saw. + +"I have kissed Daisy very often before now," said Miss Cardigan. I +thought I discerned some concern in her voice. + +"Then come, do it again," said Thorold, laughing. "You never kissed +her as anything belonging to me, Aunt Catherine." + +And he fairly laid me in Miss Cardigan's arms, till we kissed each +other as he desired. But Miss Cardigan's gravity roused me out of my +confusion. I was not ashamed before her; only before him. + +"Now, Aunt Catherine," he said, pulling up a comfortable arm chair to +the corner of the hearth, "sit there. And Daisy--come here!" + +He put me into the fellow chair; and then built up the wood in the +fireplace till we had a regular illumination. Then drew himself up +before the fire, and looked at his aunt. + +"It's like you!" broke out Miss Cardigan. "Ever since you were born, I +think, you did what you liked, and had what you liked; and threw over +everything to get at the best." + +"On the contrary," said Thorold, "I was always of a very contented +disposition." + +"Contented with your own will, then," said his aunt. "And now, do you +mean to tell me that you have got this prize--this prize--it's a first +class, Christian--for good and for certain to yourself?" + +I lifted my eyes one instant, to see the sparkles in Thorold's eyes; +they were worth seeing. + +"You don't think you deserve it?" Miss Cardigan went on. + +"I do not think I deserve it," said Thorold. "But I think I will." + +"I know what that means," said his aunt. "You will get worldly +glory--just a bit or two more of gold on your coat--to match you with +one of the Lord's jewels, that are to be 'all glorious within'; and +you think that will fit you to own her." + +"Aunt Catherine," said Thorold, "I do not precisely think that gold +lace is glory. But I mean that I will do my duty. A man can do no +more." + +"Some would have said 'a man can do no less,'" said Miss Cardigan, +turning to me. "But you are right, lad; more than our duty we can none +of us do; where _all_ is owing, less will not be overpay. But whatever +do you think her father will say to you?" + +"I will ask him when the time comes," said Thorold, contentedly. His +tone was perfect, both modest and manly. Truth to say, I could not +quite share his content in looking forward to the time he spoke of; +but that was far ahead, and it was impossible not to share his +confidence. My father and my mother had been practically not my +guardians during six and a half long years; I had got out of the habit +of looking first to them. + +"And what are you going to do now in Washington?" said his aunt. "You +may as well sit down and tell us." + +"I don't know. Probably I shall be put to drill new recruits. All +these seventy-five thousand men that the President has called for, +won't know how to handle a gun or do anything else." + +"And what is he going to do with these seventy-five thousand men, +Christian?" + +"Put down treason, if he can. Don't you realize yet that we have a +civil war on our hands, Aunt Catherine? The Southern States are +mustering and sending their forces; we must meet them, or give up the +whole question; that is, give up the country." + +"And what is it that _they_ will try to do?" said Miss Cardigan. "It +is a mystery to me what they want; but I suppose I know; only bad men +are a mystery to me always." + +"They will try to defy the laws," said Thorold. "We will try to see +them executed." + +"They seem very fierce," said Miss Cardigan; "to judge by what they +say." + +"And do," added Thorold. "I think there is a sort of madness in +Southern blood." + +He spoke with a manner of disgustful emphasis. I looked up at him to +see an expression quite in keeping with his words. Miss Cardigan cried +out-- + +"Hey, lad! ye're confident, surely, to venture your opinions so +plainly and so soon!" + +His face changed, as if sunlight had been suddenly poured over it. He +came kneeling on one knee before me, taking my hand and kissing it, +and laughing. + +"And I see ye're not confident without reason!" added Miss Cardigan. +"Daisy'll just let ye say your mind, and no punish you for it." + +"But it is _true_, Miss Cardigan," I said, turning to her. I wished I +had held my tongue the next minute, for the words were taken off my +lips, as it were. It is something quite different from eating your own +words, which I have heard of as not being pleasant; mine seemed to be +devoured by somebody else. + +"But is it true they are coming to attack Washington?" Miss Cardigan +went on, when we had all done laughing. "I read it in the prints; and +it seems to me I read every other thing there." + +"I am afraid you read too many prints," said Thorold. "You are +thinking of 'hear both sides,' Aunt Catherine? You must know there is +but one side to this matter. There never are two sides to treason." + +"That's true," said Miss Cardigan. "But about Washington, lad? I saw +an extract from a letter written from that city, by a lady, and she +said the place was in a terror; she said the President sleeps with a +hundred men, armed, in the east room, to protect him from the Southern +army; and keeps a sentinel before his bedroom door; and often goes +clean out of the White House and sleeps somewhere else, in his fear." + +I had never seen Thorold laugh as he did then. And he asked his aunt +"where she had seen that extract?" + +"It was in one of the papers--it was in an extract itself, I'm +thinking." + +"From a Southern paper," said Thorold. + +"Well, I believe it was." + +"I have seen extracts, too," said Thorold. "They say, Alexander H. +Stephens is counselling the rebels to lay hold on Washington." + +"Well, sit down and tell us what you do know, and how to understand +things," said Miss Cardigan. "I don't talk to anybody, much, about +politics." + +So Thorold did as he was asked. He sat down on the other side of me, +and with my hand in his, talked to us both. We went over the whole +ground of the few months past, of the work then doing and preparing, +of what might reasonably be looked for in both the South and the +North. He said he was not very wise in the matter; but he was +infinitely more informed than we; and we listened as to the most +absorbing of all tales, till the night was far worn. A sense of the +gravity and importance of the crisis; a consciousness that we were +embarked in a contest of the most stubborn character, the end of which +no man might foretell, pressed itself more and more on my mind as the +night and the talk grew deeper. If I may judge from the changes in +Miss Cardigan's face, it was the same with her. The conclusion was, +the North was gathering and concentrating all her forces to meet the +trial that was coming; and the young officers of the graduating class +at the Military Academy had been ordered to the seat of war a little +before their time of study was out, their help being urgently needed. + +"And where is Preston?" said I, speaking for the first time in a long +while. + +"Preston?" echoed Thorold. + +"My Cousin Preston--Gary; your classmate Gary." + +"Gary! Oh, he is going to Washington, like the rest of us." + +"Which side will he take?" + +"You should know, perhaps, better than I," said Thorold. "He always +_has_ taken the Southern side, and very exclusively." + +"_Has_ taken?" said I. "Do you mean that among the cadets there has +been a South and a North--until now, lately?" + +"Aye, Daisy, always, since I have been in the Academy. The Southern +clique and the Northern clique have been well defined; there is always +an assumption of superiority on the one side, and some resenting of it +on the other side. It was on that ground Gary and I split." + +"Split!" I repeated. + +But Thorold laughed and kissed me, and would give me no satisfaction. +I began to put things together, though. I saw from Christian's eyes +that _he_ had nothing to be ashamed of, in looking back; I remembered +Preston's virulence, and his sudden flush when somebody had repeated +the word "coward," which he had applied to Thorold. I felt certain +that more had been between them than mere words, and that Preston +found the recollection not flattering, whatever it was; and having +come to this settlement of the matter, I looked up at Thorold. + +"My gentle little Daisy!" he said. "I will never quarrel with him +again--if I can help it." + +"You _must_ quarrel with him, if he is on the wrong side," I answered. +"And so must I." + +"You say you must go immediately back to West Point," said Miss +Cardigan. "Leave thanking Daisy's hand, and tell me _when_ you are +going; for the night is far past, children." + +"I am gone when I bid you good-night," said Thorold. "I must set out +with the dawn--to catch the train I must take." + +"With the dawn!--_this_ morning!" cried Miss Cardigan. + +"Certainly. I should be there this minute, if the colonel had not +given me something to do here that kept me." + +"And when will ye do it?" + +"Do it! It is done," said Thorold; "before I came here. But I must +catch the first train in the morning." + +"And you'll want some breakfast before that," she said, rising. + +"No, I shall not," said Thorold, catching hold of her. "I want +nothing. I _did_ want my supper. Sit down, Aunt Catherine, and be +quiet. I want nothing, I tell you, but more time." + +"We may as well sit up the rest of the night," I said; "it is so far +gone now." + +"Yes, and what will you be good for to-morrow?" said Miss Cardigan. +"You must lie down and take a bit of rest." + +I felt no weariness; but I remember the grave, tender examination of +Thorold's eyes, which seemed to touch me with their love, to find out +whether I--and himself--might be indulged or not. It was a bit of the +thoughtful, watchful affection which always surrounded me when he was +near. I never had it just so from anybody else. + +"It won't do, Daisy," said he gaily. "You would not have me go in +company with self-reproaches all day to-morrow? You must lie down here +on the sofa; and, sleep or not, we'll all be still for two hours. Aunt +Catherine will thank me to stop talking for that length of time." + +I was not sleepy, but Miss Cardigan and Thorold would not be resisted. +Thorold wheeled up the sofa, piled the cushions, and made me lie down, +with the understanding that nobody should speak for the time he had +specified. Miss Cardigan, on her part, soon lost herself in her easy +chair. Thorold walked perseveringly up and down the room. I closed my +eyes and opened my eyes, and lay still and thought. It is all before +me now. The firelight fading and brightening: Thorold took care of the +fire; the gleam of the gaslight on the rows of books; Miss Cardigan's +comfortable figure gone to sleep in the corner of her chair; and the +figure which ever and anon came between me and the fire, piling or +arranging the logs of wood, and then paced up and down just behind me. +There was no sleep for my eyes, of course. How should there be? I +seemed to pass all my life in review, and as I took the bearings of my +present position I became calm. + +I rose up the moment the two hours were over, for I could bear the +silence no longer, nor the losing any more time. Thorold stopped his +walk then, and we had along talk over the fire by ourselves, while +Miss Cardigan slept on. Trust her, though, for waking up when there +was anything to be done. Long before dawn she roused herself and went +to call her servants and order our breakfast. + +"What are you going to do now, Daisy?" said Thorold, turning to me +with a weight of earnestness in his eyes, and a flash of that keen +inspection which they sometimes gave me. + +"You know," I said, "I am going to study as hard as I can for a month +or two more,--till my school closes." + +"What then, Daisy? Perhaps you will find some way to come on and see +me at Washington--if the rebels don't take it first?" + +It must be told. + +"No--I cannot.--My father and mother wish me to go out to them as soon +as I get a chance." + +"Where?" + +"In Switzerland." + +"Switzerland! To stay how long?" + +"I don't know--till the war is over, I suppose. I do not think they +would come back before." + +"I shall come and fetch you then, Daisy." + +But it seemed a long way off. And how much might be between. We were +both silent. + +"That is heavy for me," said Thorold at last. "Little Daisy, you do +not know how heavy!" + +He was caressing my hair, smoothing and stroking it as he spoke. I +looked up and his eyes flashed fire instantly. + +"Say that in words!" he exclaimed, taking me in his arms. "Say it, +Daisy! say it. It will be worth so much to me." + +But my lips had hardly a chance to speak. + +"Say what?" + +"Daisy, you _have_ said it. Put it in words, that is all." + +But his eyes were so full of flashing triumph that I thought he had +got enough for the time. + +"Daisy, those eyes of yours are like mountain lakes, deep and still. +But when I look quite down to the bottom of them--sometimes I see +something--I thought I did then." + +"What?" I asked, very much amused. + +"I see it there now, Daisy!" + +I was afraid he did, for _his_ eyes were like sunbeams, and I thought +they went through everything at that minute. I don't know what moved me, +the consciousness of this inspection or the consciousness of what it +discovered; but I know that floods of shyness seemed to flush my face and +brow, and even to the tips of my fingers. I would have escaped if I +could, but I could not; and I think Thorold rather liked what he saw. +There was no hiding it, unless I hid it on his shoulder, and that I was +ashamed to do. I felt that his lips knew just as well as his eyes what +state my cheeks were in, and took their own advantage. Though presently +their tenderness soothed me too, and even nullified the soft little laugh +with which he whispered, "Are you ashamed to show it to _me_, Daisy?" + +"You know," said I, still keeping my eyes veiled, "you have me at +advantage. If you were not going--away--so soon, I would not do a +great many things." + +"Daisy!" said he, laughing--"Daisy!"--And he touched my cheek as one +who meant to keep his advantage. Then his voice changed, and he +repeated, with a deeper and deepening tone with each word--"Daisy! my +Daisy!" + +I had very nearly burst out into great sobs upon his breast, with the +meeting of opposite tides of feeling. Sweet and bitter struggled for +the upper hand; struggled, while I was afraid he would feel the +laboured breath which went and came, straining me. And the sweetness, +for the moment, got the better. I knew he must go, in an hour or +little more, away from me. I knew it was for uncertain and maybe +dangerous duty. I knew it might at best be long before we could see +each other again; and back of all, the thought of my father and mother +was not reassuring. But his arms were round me and my head was on his +shoulder; and that was but the outward symbol of the inward love and +confidence which filled all my heart with its satisfying content. For +the moment happiness was uppermost. Not all the clouds on the horizon +could dim the brightness of that one sun ray which reached me. + +I do not know what Thorold thought, but he was as still for a while as +I was. + +"Daisy," he said at last, "my Daisy, you need not grudge any of your +goodness to me. Don't you know, you are to be my light and my +watchword in what lies before me?" + +"Oh no!" I said, lifting my head; "Oh no, Christian!" + +"Why no?" said he. + +"I want you to have a better watchword and follow a better light. Not +me. O Christian, won't you?" + +"What shall my watchword be?" said he, looking into my eyes. But I was +intent on something else then. I answered, "Whatsoever ye do, do all +in the name of the Lord Jesus." + +"A soldier, Daisy?" + +"A soldier more than anybody," I said; "for He calls us to be +soldiers, and you know what it means." + +"But you forget," said he, not taking his eyes from my face--"in my +service I must obey as well as command: I am not my own master +exactly." + +"Let Christ be your Master," I said. + +"How then with this other service?" + +"Why it is very plain," I said. "Command in the love of God and obey +in the fear of God; that covers all." + +I did not see the natural sequence of what followed; for it was a +succession of kisses that left no chance for a word to get out of my +mouth. Then Thorold rose up, and I saw Miss Cardigan enter. + +"I will not forget, Daisy," he said, in a tone as if we had been +talking of business. I thought, neither should I. And then came Miss +Cardigan, and the servant behind her bringing coffee and bread and +eggs and marmalade--I don't know what beside--and we sat down again to +the table, knowing that the next move would be a move apart. But the +wave of happiness was at the flood with me, and it bore me over all +the underlying roughness of the shore--for the time. I do not think +anybody wanted to eat much; we played with cups of coffee and with +each other, and dallied with the minutes till the last one was spent. + +And then came the parting. That was short. + + +THE END. + + + + +Transcriber's Notes + + +The following items were considered to be typographical errors and +have been changed. Other typographic, spelling, punctuation errors and +parochial speech has been left as they appear in the book. + +Page 17--Changed period into comma after the word "too" in the +sentence--"But I think it is nice to know things too," said I. + +Page 37--Corrected "awkward" from "awkard" in the sentence--They were +giggling and grinning, hopping on one foot, and going into other +awkward antics; not the less that most of them had their arms filled +with little black babies. + +Page 40--Changed question mark to period and deleted quotation mark in +the sentence--I asked what they all were." + +Page 51--Changed single quote to double quote after "light" in the +sentence--"They must be very dark if they could not understand light," +said my governess. + +Page 56--Removed superfluous "n" from governess in--Then I remembered +that my governess probably did care for some fruit + +Page 87--Corrected "string" to read "sting" in the sentence--It has a +sting of its own, for which there is neither salve nor remedy; and it +had the aggravation, in my case, of the sense of personal dishonour. + +Page 91--Added apostrophe to "girls" in the sentence--I have a +recollection of the girl's terrified face, but I heard nothing more. + +Page 93--removed " from the start of the sentence--They had been gone +half an hour, when Preston stole in and came to the side of my bed, +between me and the firelight. + +Page 97--Added " after Melbourne in the sentence--"We shall have to +let her do just as they did at Melbourne," said my aunt. + +Page 110--Added " after the word "by" in the sentence--"Mass' Preston +come last night," she went on; "so I reckon Miss Daisy'll want to wear +it by and by." + +Page 163--Changed period to ? in the sentence--"Will that distress you +very much?" + +Page 178--Changed Mr. to Dr. in the sentence--"But, Dr. +Sandford," I said, "nobody can belong to anybody--in that way." + +Page 193--Changed 'be' to 'he' in the sentence starting--I believe I +half wished be would make some objection; + +Page 206--Added "le" to "aves" to make "leaves" in--"You wouldn't say +so, if you knew the work it is to set those leaves round," said the +mantua-maker. + +Page 240--Changed "for" into "far" in--but I am afraid the rule of the +Good Samaritan would put us far apart. + +Page 249--Changed exclamation mark to question mark in--"Is there so +much trouble everywhere in the world?" + +Page 250--Changed "I" to "It" in--It was a good photograph, and had +beauty enough besides to hold my eyes. + +Page 257--Capitalised "W" in--Is it Daisy Randolph? What have you done +to yourself? + +Page 266--changed beside to bedside in--I heard no sound while I was +undressing, nor while I knelt, as usual now, by my bedside. + +Page 283--Changed rapidily to rapidly in--I watched him rapidly +walking into the library; + +Page 285--Added question mark instead of period to--"Are you tired?" + +Page 316--Changed inmediately to immediately in--and placed himself +immediately beside his summoner, + +Page 349--Changed "not" to "nor" in--"I cannot help that. He is +neither gentlemanly in his habits nor true in his speech." + +Page 350--Added comma after "said" in--"You must not wear the same +thing twice running," she said, "not if you can help it." + +Page 355--Changed period to question mark after "next" in--Who is +next? Major Banks? Take care, Daisy, or you'll do some mischief." + +Page 374--Deleted comma after "see" in--Nevertheless, it was pleasant +to see the firm, still attitude, the fine proportions, the military +nicety of all his dress, which I had before noticed on the parade +ground. + +Page 386--Changed subtance to substance in--men of business, men of +character and some substance, + +Page 407--Changed "weel" to "well" in--"You may as well sit down and +tell us." + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Daisy, by Elizabeth Wetherell + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DAISY *** + +***** This file should be named 27949.txt or 27949.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/9/4/27949/ + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Jen Haines and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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