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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/26597-8.txt b/26597-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6b06ef5 --- /dev/null +++ b/26597-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,6885 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of How To Behave: A Pocket Manual Of +Republican Etiquette, And Guide To Correct Personal Habits, by Samuel R Wells + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: How To Behave: A Pocket Manual Of Republican Etiquette, And Guide To Correct Personal Habits + Embracing An Exposition Of The Principles Of Good Manners; + Useful Hints On The Care Of The Person, Eating, Drinking, + Exercise, Habits, Dress, Self-Culture, And Behavior At + Home; The Etiquette Of Salutations, Introductions, + Receptions, Visits, Dinners, Evening Parties, Conversation, + Letters, Presents, Weddings, Funerals, The Street, The + Church, Places Of Amusement, Traveling, Etc., With + Illustrative Anecdotes, a Chapter on Love and Courtship, + and Rules of Order for Debating Societies + +Author: Samuel R Wells + +Release Date: September 12, 2008 [EBook #26597] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOW TO BEHAVE *** + + + + +Produced by Bryan Ness, Karen Dalrymple, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images from the Mann Library, Cornell +University.) + + + + + + + +_HAND-BOOKS FOR HOME IMPROVEMENT--No. III_ + + + + +HOW TO BEHAVE + +A POCKET MANUAL + +OF + +Republican Etiquette, + +AND + +GUIDE TO CORRECT PERSONAL HABITS, + +EMBRACING + +AN EXPOSITION OF THE PRINCIPLES OF GOOD MANNERS; USEFUL HINTS ON THE +CARE OF THE PERSON, EATING, DRINKING, EXERCISE, HABITS, DRESS, +SELF-CULTURE, AND BEHAVIOR AT HOME; THE ETIQUETTE OF SALUTATIONS, +INTRODUCTIONS, RECEPTIONS, VISITS, DINNERS, EVENING PARTIES, +CONVERSATION, LETTERS, PRESENTS, WEDDINGS, FUNERALS, THE STREET, THE +CHURCH, PLACES OF AMUSEMENT, TRAVELING, ETC., + +WITH + +Illustrative Anecdotes, a Chapter on Love and Courtship, and Rules of +Order for Debating Societies. + + +[Signature: Samuel R. (Roberts) Wells] + + + The air and manner which we neglect, as little things, are + frequently what the world judges us by, and makes them decide + for or against us.--_La Bruyère._ Order my steps in thy + word.--_Bible._ + + + NEW YORK: + FOWLER & WELLS CO., PUBLISHERS, + 753 BROADWAY. + 1887. + + + ENTERED, ACCORDING TO ACT OF CONGRESS IN THE YEAR 1857 BY + + FOWLER AND WELLS + + IN THE CLERK'S OFFICE OF THE DISTRICT COURT OF THE UNITED + STATES FOR THE SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF NEW YORK + + + + +CONTENTS + + +INTRODUCTION + + Politeness Defined--The Foundation of Good Manners--The Civil + Code and the Code of Civility--The Instinct of Courtesy-- + Chesterfield's Method--The Golden Rule--American Politeness-- + Utility of Good Manners Illustrated. Page ix + +I.--PERSONAL HABITS. + + Where to Commence--Care of the Person a Social Duty--Cleanliness-- + The Daily Bath--Soap and Water--The Feet--Change of Linen--The + Nails--The Head--The Teeth--The Breath--Eating and Drinking--What + to Eat--When to Eat--How much to Eat--What to Drink--Breathing-- + Exercise--The Complexion--Tobacco--Spitting--Gin and Gentility-- + Onions, etc.--Little Things 15 + +II.--DRESS. + + The Meaning of Dress--The Uses of Dress--Fitness the First + Essential--The Art of Dress--The Short Dress for Ladies-- + Working-Dress for Gentlemen--Ornaments--Materials for Dress--Mrs. + Manners on Dress--The Hair and Beard--Art _vs._ Fashion--Signs of + the Good Time Coming 31 + +III.--SELF-CULTURE. + + Moral and Social Training--Cultivation of Language--Position and + Movement--The Ease and Grace of Childhood--Standing--Sitting-- + Walking--Hints to the Ladies--Self-Command--Observation--Practical + Lesson 42 + +IV.--FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES. + + Manners and Morals--Human Rights--Duties--The Rights of the + Senses--The Faculties and their Claims--Expression of + Opinions--The Sacredness of Privacy--Conformity--Singing out of + Tune--Doing as the Romans Do--Courtesy _vs._ Etiquette--An + Anecdote--Harmony--Equality--A Remark to be Remembered--General + Principles more Important than Particular Observances 48 + +V.--DOMESTIC MANNERS. + + A Test of Good Manners--Good Behavior at Home--American + Children--Teaching Children to be Polite--Behavior to + Parents--Brothers and Sisters--Husband and Wife--Married + Lovers--Entertaining Guests--Letting your Guests Alone--Making + one "at Home"--Making Apologies--Duties of Guests--Treatment of + Servants--Rights of Servants--"Thank You" 56 + +VI.--THE OBSERVANCES OF EVERY-DAY LIFE. + + Introductions--Letters of Introduction--Speaking without an + Introduction--Salutations--Receptions--Visits and Calls--Table + Manners--Conversations--Chesterfield on Conversation--Music-- + Letters and Notes--Up and Down Stairs--Which Goes First?--An + American Habit--Gloved or Ungloved?--Equality--False Shame-- + Pulling out one's Watch--Husband and Wife--Bowing _vs._ + Curtseying--Presents--Snobbery--Children 64 + +VII.--ETIQUETTE OF OCCASIONS. + + Dinner Parties--Invitations--Dress--Punctuality--Going to the + Table--Arrangement of Guests--Duties of the Host--Duties of the + Guests--The "Grace"--Eating Soup--Fish--The Third Course--What + to do with your Knife and Fork--Declining Wine--Finger Glasses-- + Carving--Evening Parties and their Observances--French Leave-- + Sports and Games--Promiscuous Kissing--Dancing--Christmas--The + New Year--Thanksgiving--Birthdays--Excursions and Picnics-- + Weddings--Funerals 83 + +VIII.--THE ETIQUETTE OF PLACES. + + How to Behave on the Street--Stopping Business Men on the Street-- + Walking with Ladies--Shopping--At Church--At Places of Amusement-- + In a Picture Gallery--The Presence--Traveling--The Rush for + Places--The Rights of Fellow-Travelers--Giving up Seats to the + Ladies--A Hint to the Ladies on Politeness--Paying Fares 100 + +IX.--LOVE AND COURTSHIP. + + Boyish Loves--The Proper Age to Marry--Waiting for a Fortune-- + Importance of Understanding Physiological Laws--Earnestness and + Sincerity in Love--Particular Attentions--Presents--Confidants-- + Declarations--Asking "Pa"--Refusals--Engagement--Breaking Off-- + Marriage 110 + +X.--PARLIAMENTARY ETIQUETTE. + + Courtesy in Debate--Origin of the Parliamentary Code--Rules of + Order--Motions--Speaking--Submitting a Question--Voting--A + Quorum The Democratic Principle--Privileged Questions--Order of + Business--Order of Debate 116 + +XI.--MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS. + + Republican Distinctions--Natural Inequalities--American Toad + Eaters--General Lack of Reverence for Real Nobility--City and + Country--Imported Manners--Fictitious Titles--A Mirror for + Certain Men--Washington's Code of Manners--Our Social Uniform--A + Hint to the Ladies--An Obliging Disposition--Securing a + Home--Taste _vs._ Fashion--Special Claims--Propriety of + Deportment--False Pride--Awkwardness of being Dressed 124 + +XII.--MAXIMS FROM CHESTERFIELD. + + Cheerfulness and Good Humor--The Art of Pleasing--Adaptation of + Manners--Bad Habits--Do what you are About--People who Never + Learn--Local Manners--How to Confer Favors--How to Refuse-- + Spirit--Civility to Women 135 + +XIII.--ILLUSTRATIVE ANECDOTES. + + Elder Blunt and Sister Scrub Taking off the Hat, or John and his + Employer--A Learned Man at Table--English Women in High Life-- + "Say so, if you Please" 139 + + + + +PREFACE. + + +This is an honest and earnest little book, if it has no other merit; +and has been prepared expressly for the use of the young people of our +great Republic, whom it is designed to aid in becoming, what we are +convinced they all desire to be, true American ladies and gentlemen. + +Desiring to make our readers something better than mere imitators of +foreign manners, often based on social conditions radically different +from our own--something better than imitators of _any_ manners, in +fact, we have dwelt at greater length and with far more emphasis upon +general principles, than upon special observances, though the latter +have their place in our work. It has been our first object to impress +upon their minds the fact, that good manners and good morals rest upon +the same basis, and that justice and benevolence can no more be +satisfied without the one than without the other. + +As in the other numbers of this series of Hand-Books, so in this, we +have aimed at usefulness rather than originality; but our plan being +radically different from that of most other manuals of etiquette, we +have been able to avail ourself to only a very limited extent of the +labors of others, except in the matter of mere conventional forms. + +Sensible of the imperfections of our work, but hoping that it will do +some acceptable service in the cause of good manners, and aid, in a +humble way, in the building up of a truly American and republican +school of politeness, we now submit it, with great deference, to a +discerning public. + + + + +INTRODUCTION. + + +Some one has defined politeness as "only an elegant form of justice;" +but it is something more. It is the result of the combined action of +all the moral and social feelings, guided by judgment and refined by +taste. It requires the exercise of benevolence, veneration (in its +human aspect), adhesiveness, and ideality, as well as of +conscientiousness. It is the spontaneous recognition of human +solidarity--the flowering of philanthropy--the fine art of the social +passions. It is to the heart what music is to the ear, and painting +and sculpture to the eye. + +One can not commit a greater mistake than to make politeness a mere +matter of arbitrary forms. It has as real and permanent a foundation +in the nature and relations of men and women, as have government and +the common law. The civil code is not more binding upon us than is the +code of civility. Portions of the former become, from time to time, +inoperative--mere dead letters on the statute-book, on account of the +conditions on which they were founded ceasing to exist; and many of +the enactments of the latter lose their significance and binding force +from the same cause. Many of the forms now in vogue, in what is called +fashionable society, are of this character. Under the circumstances +which called them into existence they were appropriate and beautiful; +under changed circumstances they are simply absurd. There are other +forms of observances over which time and place have no influence--which +are always and everywhere binding. + +Politeness itself is always the same. The rules of etiquette, which +are merely the forms in which it finds expression, vary with time and +place. A sincere regard for the rights of others, in the smallest +matters as well as the largest, genuine kindness of heart; good taste, +and self-command, which are the foundations of good manners, are never +out of fashion; and a person who possesses them can hardly be rude or +discourteous, however far he may transgress conventional usages: +lacking these qualities, the most perfect knowledge of the rules of +etiquette and the strictest observance of them will not suffice to +make one truly polite. + +"Politeness," says La Bruyère, "seems to be a certain care, by the +manner of our words and actions, to make others pleased with us and +themselves." This definition refers the matter directly to those +qualities of mind and heart already enumerated as the foundations of +good manners. To the same effect is the remark of Madame Celnart, that +"the grand secret of never-failing propriety of deportment is _to have +an intention of always doing right_." + +Some persons have the "instinct of courtesy" so largely developed that +they seem hardly to need culture at all. They are equal to any +occasion, however novel. They never commit blunders, or if they do +commit them, they seem not to be blunders in them. So there are those +who sing, speak, or draw intuitively--by inspiration. The great +majority of us, however, must be content to acquire these arts by +study and practice. In the same way we must acquire the art of +behavior, so far as behavior is an art. We must possess, in the first +place, a sense of equity, good-will toward our fellow-men, kind +feelings, magnanimity and self-control. Cultivation will do the rest. +But we most never forget that manners as well as morals are founded on +certain eternal principles, and that while "the _letter_ killeth," +"the _spirit_ giveth _life_." + +The account which Lord Chesterfield gives of the method by which he +acquired the reputation of being the most polished man in England, is +a strong example of the efficacy of practice, in view of which no one +need despair. He was naturally singularly deficient in that grace +which afterward so distinguished him. "I had a strong desire," he +says, "to please, and was sensible that I had nothing but the desire. +I therefore resolved, if possible, to acquire the means too. I studied +attentively and minutely the dress, the air, the manner, the address, +and the turn of conversation of all those whom I found to be the +people in fashion, and most generally allowed to please. I imitated +them as well as I could: if I heard that one man was reckoned +remarkably genteel, I carefully watched his dress, motions, and +attitudes, and formed my own upon them. When I heard of another whose +conversation was agreeable and engaging I listened and attended to the +turn of it. I addressed myself, though _de très mauvaise grâce_ [with +a very bad grace], to all the most fashionable fine ladies; confessed +and laughed with them at my own awkwardness and rawness, recommending +myself as an object for them to try their skill in forming." + +Lord Bacon says: "To attain good manners it almost sufficeth not to +despise them, and that if a man labor too much to express them, he +shall lose their grace, which is to be natural and unaffected." + +To these testimonies we may add the observation of La Rochefoucauld, +that "in manners there are no good copies, for besides that the copy +is almost always clumsy or exaggerated, the air which is suited to one +person sits ill upon another." + +The greater must have been the genius of Chesterfield which enabled +him to make the graces of others his own, appropriating them only so +far as they _fitted him_, instead of blindly and servilely imitating +his models. + +C. P. Bronson truly says: "In politeness, as in every thing else +connected with the formation of character, we are too apt to begin on +the outside, instead of the inside; instead of beginning with the +heart, and trusting to that to form the manners, many begin with the +manners, and leave the heart to chance and influences. The golden rule +contains the very life and soul of politeness: 'Do unto others as you +would they should do unto you.' Unless children and youth are taught, +by precept and example, to abhor what is selfish, and prefer another's +pleasure and comfort to their own, their politeness will be entirely +artificial, and used only when interest and policy dictate. True +politeness is perfect freedom and ease, treating others just as you +love to be treated. Nature is always graceful: affectation, with all +her art, can never produce any thing half so pleasing. The very +perfection of elegance is to imitate nature; how much better to have +the reality than the imitation! Anxiety about the opinions of others +fetters the freedom of nature and tends to awkwardness; all would +appear well if they never tried to assume what they do not possess." + +A writer in _Life Illustrated_, to whose excellent observations on +etiquette we shall have further occasion to refer, contends that the +instinct of courtesy is peculiarly strong in the American people. "It +is shown," he says, "in the civility which marks our intercourse with +one another. It is shown in the deference which is universally paid to +the presence of the gentler sex. It is shown in the excessive fear +which prevails among us of offending public opinion. It is shown in +the very extravagances of our costume and decoration, in our lavish +expenditures upon house and equipage. It is shown in the avidity with +which every new work is bought and read which pretends to lay down +the laws that govern the behavior of circles supposed to be, _par +excellence_, polite. It is shown in the fact, that, next to calling a +man a liar, the most offensive and stinging of all possible +expressions is, 'You are no gentleman!'" + +He claims that this is a national trait, and expresses the belief that +every uncorrupt American man desires to be, and to be thought, a +gentleman; that every uncorrupt American woman desires to be, and to +be thought, a lady. + +"But," he adds, "the instinct of courtesy is not enough, nor is +opportunity equivalent to possession. The truth is palpable, that our +men are not all gentlemen, nor our women all ladies, nor our children +all docile and obliging. In that small and insignificant circle which +is called 'Society,' which, small and insignificant as it is, gives +the tone to the manners of the nation, the chief efforts seem to be, +to cleanse the outside of the platter, to conceal defects by gloss and +glitter. Its theory of politeness and its maxims of behavior are drawn +from a state of things so different from that which here prevails, +that they produce in us little besides an exaggerated ungracefulness, +a painful constraint, a complete artificiality of conduct and +character. We are trying to shine in borrowed plumes. We would glisten +with foreign varnish. To produce an _effect_ is our endeavor. We +prefer to _act_, rather than _live_. The politeness which is based on +sincerity, good-will, self-conquest, and a minute, habitual regard for +the rights of others, is not, we fear, the politeness which finds +favor in the saloons upon which the upholsterer has exhausted the +resources of his craft. Yet without possessing, in a certain degree, +the qualities we have named, no man ever did, and no man ever will, +become a gentleman. Where they do not bear sway, society may be +brilliant in garniture, high in pretension, but it is intrinsically +and incurably _vulgar_!" + +The utility of good manners is universally acknowledged perhaps, but +the extent to which genuine courtesy may be made to contribute to our +success as well as our happiness is hardly realized. We can not more +satisfactorily illustrate this point than by quoting the following +lesson of experience from the Autobiography of the late Dr. Caldwell, +the celebrated physician and phrenologist: + +"In the year 1825 I made, in London, in a spirit of wager, a decisive +and satisfactory experiment as to the effect of civil and courteous +manners on people of various ranks and descriptions. + +"There were in a place a number of young Americans, who often +complained to me of the neglect and rudeness experienced by them from +citizens to whom they spoke in the streets. They asserted, in +particular, that as often as they requested directions to any point in +the city toward which they were proceeding, they either received an +uncivil and evasive answer, or none at all. I told them that my +experience on the same subject had been exceedingly different: that I +had never failed to receive a civil reply to my questions--often +communicating the information requested: and that I could not help +suspecting that their failure to receive similar answers arose, in +part at least, if not entirely, to the plainness, not to say the +bluntness, of their manner in making their inquiries. The correctness +of this charge, however, they sturdily denied, asserting that their +manner of asking for information was good enough for those to whom +they addressed themselves. Unable to convince them by words of the +truth of my suspicions, I proposed to them the following simple and +conclusive experiment: + +"'Let us take together a walk of two or three hours in some of the +public streets of the city. You shall yourselves designate the persons +to whom I shall propose questions, and the subjects also to which the +question shall relate; and the only restriction imposed is, that no +question shall be proposed to any one who shall appear to be greatly +hurried, agitated, distressed, or any other way deeply preoccupied, in +mind or body, and no one shall speak to the person questioned but +myself.' + +"My proposition being accepted, out we sallied, and to work we went; +and I continued my experiment until my young friends surrendered at +discretion, frankly acknowledging that my opinion was right, and +theirs, of course was wrong; and that, in our passage through life, +courtesy of address and deportment may be made both a pleasant and +powerful means to attain our ends and gratify our wishes. + +"I put questions to more than twenty persons of every rank, from the +high-bred gentleman to the servant in livery, and received in every +instance a satisfactory reply. If the information asked for was not +imparted, the individual addressed gave an assurance of his at being +unable to communicate it. + +"What seemed to surprise my friends was, that the individuals accosted +by me almost uniformly imitated my own manner. If I uncovered my head, +as I did in speaking to a gentleman, or even to a man of ordinary +appearance and breeding, he did the same in his reply; and when I +touched my hat to a liveried coachman or waiting man, his hat was +immediately under his arm. So much may be done, and such advantages +gained, by simply avoiding coarseness and vulgarity, and being well +bred and agreeable. Nor can the case be otherwise. For the foundation +of good breeding is good nature and good sense--two of the most useful +and indispensable attributes of a well-constituted mind. Let it not be +forgotten, however, that good breeding is not to be regarded as +identical with politeness--a mistake which is too frequently, if not +generally, committed. A person may be exceedingly polite without the +much higher and more valuable accomplishment of good breeding." + +Believing that the natural qualities essential to the character of the +gentleman or the lady exist in a high degree among our countrymen and +countrywomen, and that they universally desire to develop these +qualities, and to add to them the necessary knowledge of all the truly +significant and living forms and usages of good society, we have +written the work now before you. We have not the vanity to believe +that the mere reading of it will, of itself, convert an essentially +vulgar person into a lady or a gentleman; but we do hope that we have +furnished those who most need it with available and efficient aid; and +in this hope we dedicate this little "Manual of Republican Etiquette" +to all who are, or would be, in the highest sense of these terms, + +TRUE REPUBLICAN LADIES OR GENTLEMEN + + + + +HOW TO BEHAVE. + + + + +I. + +PERSONAL HABITS. + + Attention to the person is the first necessity of good + manners.--_Anon._ + + +I.--WHERE TO COMMENCE. + +If you wish to commence aright the study of manners, you must make +your own person the first lesson. If you neglect this you will apply +yourself to those which follow with very little profit. Omit, +therefore, any other chapter in the book rather than this. + +The proper care and adornment of the person is a social as well as an +individual duty. You have a right to go about with unwashed hands and +face, and to wear soiled and untidy garments, perhaps, but you have no +right to offend the senses of others by displaying such hands, face, +and garments in society. Other people have rights as well as yourself, +and no right of yours can extend so far as to infringe theirs. + +But we may safely assume that no reader of these pages wishes to +render himself disgusting or even disagreeable or to cut himself off +from the society of his fellow-men. We address those who seek social +intercourse and desire to please. _They_ will not think our words +amiss, even though they may seem rather "personal;" since we have +their highest good in view, and speak in the most friendly spirit. +Those who do not need our hints and suggestions under this head, and +to whom none of our remarks may apply, will certainly have the +courtesy to excuse them for the sake of those to whom they will be +useful. + + +II.--CLEANLINESS. + +"Cleanliness is akin to godliness," it is said. It is not less closely +related to gentility. First of all, then, keep yourself scrupulously +clean--not your hands and face merely, but your whole person, from the +crown of your head to the sole of your foot. Silk stockings may hide +dirty feet and ankles from the eye, but they often reveal themselves +to another sense, when the possessor little dreams of such an +exposure. It is far better to dress coarsely and out of fashion and be +strictly clean, than to cover a dirty skin with the finest and richest +clothing. A coarse shirt or a calico dress is not necessarily vulgar, +but dirt is essentially so. We do not here refer, of course, to one's +condition while engaged in his or her industrial occupation. Soiled +hands and even a begrimed face are badges of honor in the field, the +workshop, or the kitchen, but in a country in which soap and water +abound, there is no excuse for carrying them into the parlor or the +dining-room. + +A clean skin is as essential to health, beauty, and personal comfort +as it is to decency; and without health and that perfect freedom from +physical disquiet which comes only from the normal action of all the +functions of the bodily organs, your behavior can never be +satisfactory to yourself or agreeable to others. Let us urge you, +then, to give this matter your first attention. + + +1. _The Daily Bath._ + +To keep clean you must bathe frequently. In the first place you should +wash the whole body with pure soft water every morning on rising from +your bed, rubbing it till dry with a coarse towel, and afterward using +friction with the hands. If you have not been at all accustomed to +cold bathing, commence with tepid water, lowering the temperature by +degrees till that which is perfectly cold becomes agreeable. In warm +weather, comfort and cleanliness alike require still more frequent +bathing. Mohammed made frequent ablutions a religious duty; and in +that he was right. The rank and fetid odors which exhale from a foul +skin can hardly be neutralized by the sweetest incense of devotion. + + +2. _Soap and Water._ + +But the daily bath of which we have spoken is not sufficient. In +addition to the pores from which exudes the watery fluid called +perspiration, the skin is furnished with innumerable minute openings, +known as the sebaceous follicles, which pour over its surface a thin +limpid oil anointing it and rendering it soft and supple; but also +causing the dust as well as the effete matter thrown out by the pores +to adhere, and, if allowed to accumulate, finally obstructing its +functions and causing disease. It also, especially in warm weather, +emits an exceedingly disagreeable odor. Pure cold water will not +wholly remove these oily accumulations. The occasional use of soap and +warm or tepid water is therefore necessary; but all washings with +soapy or warm water should be followed by a thorough rinsing with pure +cold water. Use good, fine soap. The common coarser kinds are +generally too strongly alkaline and have an unpleasant effect upon the +skin. + + +3. _The Feet._ + +The feet are particularly liable to become offensively odoriferous, +especially when the perspiration is profuse. Frequent washings with +cold water, with the occasional use of warm water and soap, are +absolutely necessary to cleanliness. + + +4. _Change of Linen._ + +A frequent change of linen is another essential of cleanliness. It +avails little to wash the body if we inclose it the next minute in +soiled garments. It is not in the power of every one to wear fine and +elegant clothes, but we can all, under ordinary circumstances, afford +clean shirts, drawers, and stockings. Never sleep in any garment worn +during the day; and your night-dress should be well aired every +morning. + + +5. _The Nails._ + +You will not, of course, go into company, or sit down to the table, +with soiled hands, but unless you habituate yourself to a special care +of them, more or less dirt will be found lodged under the nails. Clean +them carefully every time you wash your hands, and keep them smoothly +and evenly cut. If you allow them to get too long they are liable to +be broken off, and become uneven and ragged, and if you pare them too +closely they fail to protect the ends of the fingers. + + +6. _The Head._ + +The head is more neglected, perhaps, than any other part of the body. +The results are not less disastrous here than elsewhere. Dandruff +forms, dust accumulates, the scalp becomes diseased, the hair grows +dry, and falls off and if the evil be not remedied, premature baldness +ensues. The head should be thoroughly washed as often as cleanliness +demands. This will not injure the hair, as many suppose, but, on the +contrary, will promote its growth and add to its beauty. If soap is +used, however, it should be carefully rinsed off. If the hair is +carefully and _thoroughly_ brushed every morning, it will not require +very frequent washings. If the scalp be kept in a healthy condition +the hair will be moist, glossy, and luxuriant, and no oil or hair wash +will be required; and these preparations generally do more harm than +good. Night-caps are most unwholesome and uncleanly contrivances, and +should be discarded altogether. They keep the head unnaturally warm, +shut out the fresh air, and shut in those natural exhalations which +should be allowed to pass off, and thus weaken the hair and render it +more liable to fall off. Ladies may keep their hair properly together +during repose by wearing a _net_ over it. + + +7. _The Teeth._ + +Do not forget the teeth. Cleanliness, health, a pure breath, and the +integrity and durability of those organs require that they be +thoroughly and effectually scoured with the tooth-brush dipped in soft +water, with the addition of a little soap, if necessary, every +morning. Brush them outside and inside, and in every possible +direction. You can not be too careful in this matter. After brushing +rinse your mouth with cold water. A slighter brushing should be given +them after each meal. Use an ivory tooth-pick or a quill to remove any +particles of food that may be lodged between the teeth. + +There are, no doubt, original differences in teeth, as in other parts +of the human system, some being more liable to decay than others; but +the simple means we have pointed out, if adopted in season and +perseveringly applied, will preserve almost any teeth, in all their +usefulness and reality, till old age. If yours have been neglected, +and some of them are already decayed, hasten to preserve the +remainder. While you have _any_ teeth left, it is never too late to +begin to take care of them; and if you have children, do not, we +entreat you, neglect _their_ teeth. If the first or temporary teeth +are cared for and preserved, they will be mainly absorbed by the +second or permanent ones, and will drop out of themselves. The others, +in that case, will come out regular and even. + +Beware of the teeth-powders, teeth-washes, and the like, advertised in +the papers. They are often even more destructive to the teeth than the +substances they are intended to remove. If any teeth-powder is +required, pure powdered charcoal is the best thing you can procure; +but if the teeth are kept clean, in the way we have directed, there +will be little occasion for any other dentrifices than pure water and +a little soap. Your tooth-brushes should be rather soft; those which +are too hard injuring both the teeth and the gums. + + +8. _The Breath._ + +A bad breath arises more frequently than otherwise from neglected and +decayed teeth. If it is occasioned by a foul stomach, a pure diet, +bathing, water injections, and a general attention to the laws of +health are required for its removal. + + +III.--EATING AND DRINKING. + +Whatever has a bearing upon health has at least an indirect connection +with manners; the reader will therefore excuse us for introducing here +a few remarks which may seem, at the first glance, rather irrelevant. +Sound lungs, a healthy liver, and a good digestion are as essential to +the right performance of our social duties as they are to our own +personal comfort; therefore a few words on eating and drinking, as +affecting these, will not be out of place. + + +1. _What to Eat._ + +An unperverted appetite is the highest authority in matters of diet. +In fact, its decisions should be considered final, and without the +privilege of appeal. Nature makes no mistakes. + +The plant selects from the soil which its roots permeate, the chemical +elements necessary to its growth and perfect development, rejecting +with unerring certainty every particle which would prove harmful or +useless. The wild animal chooses with equal certainty the various +kinds of food adapted to the wants of its nature, never poisoning +itself by eating or drinking any thing inimical to its life and +health. The sense of taste and the wants of the system act in perfect +harmony. So it should be with man. That which most perfectly gratifies +the appetite should be the best adapted to promote health, strength, +and beauty. + +But appetite, like all the other instincts or feelings of our nature, +is liable to become perverted, and to lead us astray. We acquire a +relish for substances which are highly hurtful, such as tobacco, +ardent spirits, malt liquors, and the like. We have "sought out many +inventions," to pander to false and fatal tastes, and too often eat, +not to sustain life and promote the harmonious development of the +system, but to poison the very fountains of our being and implant in +our blood the seeds of disease. + +Attend to the demands of appetite, but use all your judgment in +determining whether it is a natural, undepraved craving of the system +which speaks, or an acquired and vicious taste, and give or withhold +accordingly; and, above all, never eat when you have _no appetite_. +Want of appetite is equivalent to the most authoritative command to +_eat nothing_, and we disregard it at our peril. Food, no matter how +wholesome, taken into our stomachs under such circumstances, instead +of being digested and appropriated, becomes rank poison. _Eating +without appetite is one of the most fatal of common errors._ + +We have no room, even if we had the ability and the desire, to discuss +the comparative merits of the two opposing systems of diet--the +vegetarian and the mixed. We shall consider the question of +flesh-eating an open one. + +Your food should be adapted to the climate, season, and your +occupation. In the winter and in northern climates a larger proportion +of the fatty or carboniferous elements are required than in summer and +in southern latitudes. The Esquimaux, in his snow-built hut, swallows +immense quantities of train-oil, without getting the dyspepsia; still, +we do not recommend train-oil as an article of diet; neither can we +indorse the eating of pork in any form; but these things are far less +hurtful in winter than in summer, and to those who labor in the open +air than to the sedentary. + +Live well. A generous diet promotes vitality and capability for +action. "Good cheer is friendly to health." But do not confound a +generous diet with what is usually called "rich" food. Let all your +dishes be nutritious, but plain, simple, and wholesome. Avoid highly +seasoned viands and very greasy food at all times, but particularly in +warm weather, also too much nutriment in the highly condensed forms of +sugar, syrup, honey, and the like. + +If you eat flesh, partake sparingly of it especially in summer. We +Americans are the greatest flesh-eaters in the world, and it is not +unreasonable to believe that there may be some connection between this +fact and the equally notorious one that we are the most unhealthy +people in the world. An untold amount of disease results from the too +free use of flesh during the hot months. Heat promotes putrefaction; +and as this change in meat is very rapid in warm weather, we can not +be too careful not to eat that which is in the slightest degree +tainted. Even when it goes into the stomach in a normal condition, +there is danger; for if too much is eaten, or the digestive organs are +not sufficiently strong and active, the process of putrefaction may +commence in the stomach and diffuse a subtle poison through the whole +system. + +_Hot_ biscuits; _hot_ griddle cakes, saturated with butter and +Stuart's syrup; and _hot_ coffee, scarcely modified at all by the +small quantity of milk usually added, are among the most deleterious +articles ever put upon a table. While these continue to be the staples +of our breakfasts, healthy stomachs and clear complexions will be rare +among us. Never eat or drink _any thing_ HOT. + +Good bread is an unexceptionable article of diet. The best is made of +unbolted wheat flour. A mixture of wheat and rye flour, or of corn +meal with either, makes excellent bread. The meal and flour should be +freshly ground; they deteriorate by being kept long. If raised or +fermented bread is required, hop yeast is the best ferment that can be +used. [For complete directions for bread-making, see Dr. Trall's +"Hydropathic Cook-Book."] + +The exclusive use of fine or bolted flour for bread, biscuits, and +cakes of all kinds, is exceedingly injurious to health. The _lignin_ +or woody fiber which forms the bran of grains is just as essential to +a perfect and healthful nutrition as are starch, sugar, gum, and +fibrin, and the rejection of this element is one of the most +mischievous errors of modern cookery. + +Johnny-cake, or corn bread, is an excellent article, which is not yet +fully appreciated. It is palatable and wholesome. Hominy, samp, +cracked wheat, oatmeal mush, and boiled rice should have a high place +on your list of edibles. Beans and peas should be more generally eaten +than they are. They are exceedingly nutritious, and very palatable. In +New England, "pork and beans" hold the place of honor, but elsewhere +in this country they are almost unknown. Leaving out the pork (which, +personally, we hold in more than Jewish abhorrence), nothing can be +better, provided they are eaten in moderation and with a proper +proportion of less nutritious food. They should be well baked in pure, +soft water. A sufficient quantity of salt to season them, with the +addition of a little sweet milk, cream, or butter while baking, leaves +nothing to be desired. If meat is wanted, however, a slice of +beefsteak, laid upon the surface, will serve a better purpose than +pork. Potatoes, beets, turnips, carrots, parsneps, and cabbages are +good in their place. + +But Nature indicates very plainly that fruits and berries, in their +season, should have a prominent place in our dietary. They are +produced in abundance, and every healthy stomach instinctively craves +them. Strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, whortleberries, +cherries, plums, grapes, figs, apples, pears, peaches, and melons are +"food fit for gods." We pity those whose perverted taste or digestion +leads to their rejection. But some are _afraid_ to eat fruits and +berries, particularly in midsummer, just the time when nature and +common sense say they should be eaten most freely. They have the fear +of cholera, dysentery, and similar diseases before their eyes, and +have adopted the popular but absurd idea that fruit eating predisposes +to disorders of the stomach and bowels. Exactly the reverse is the +fact. There are no better preventives of such diseases than _ripe_ +fruits and berries, eaten in proper quantities and at proper times +Unripe fruits should be scrupulously avoided, and that which is in any +measure decayed as scarcely less objectionable. Fruit and berries +should make a part of every meal in summer. In winter they are less +necessary, but may be eaten with advantage, if within our reach; and +they are easily preserved in various ways. + +We might write a volume on the subject of food, but these general +hints must suffice. If you would pursue the inquiry, read O. S. +Fowler's "Physiology, Animal and Mental," and the "Hydropathic +Cook-Book," already referred to. + + +2. _When to Eat._ + +Eat when the stomach, through the instinct of appetite, demands a new +supply of food. If all your habits are regular, this will be at about +the same hours each day; and regularity in the time of taking our +meals is very important. Want of attention to this point is a frequent +cause of derangement of the digestive organs. We can not stop to +discuss the question how many meals per day we should eat; but whether +you eat one, two, or three, never, under ordinary circumstances, take +lunches. The habit of eating between meals is a most pernicious one. +Not even your children must be indulged in it, as you value their +health, comfort, and good behavior. + + +3. _How Much to Eat._ + +We can not tell you, by weight or measure, how much to eat, the right +quantity depending much upon age, sex, occupation, season, and +climate, but the quantity is quite as important as the quality. +Appetite would be a sure guide in both respects were it not so often +perverted and diseased. As a general rule, we eat too much. It is +better to err in the other direction. An uncomfortable feeling of +fullness, or of dullness and stupor after a meal is a sure sign of +over-eating, so whatever and whenever you eat, _eat slowly, masticate +your food well_, and DO NOT EAT TOO MUCH. + + +4. _Drink._ + +If we eat proper food, and in proper quantity, we are seldom thirsty. +Inordinate thirst indicates a feverish state of either the stomach or +the general system. It is pretty sure to follow a too hearty meal. + +Water is the proper drink for everybody and for every thing that lives +or grows. It should be pure and soft. Many diseases arise wholly from +the use of unwholesome water. If you drink tea (which we do not +recommend), let it be the best of black tea, and _not_ strong. Coffee, +if drunk at all, should be diluted with twice its quantity of boiled +milk, and well sweetened with white sugar. + + +IV.--BREATHING. + +Breathing is as necessary as eating. If we cease to breathe, our +bodies cease to live. If we only _half_ breathe, as is often the case, +we only half live. The human system requires a constant supply of +oxygen to keep up the vital processes which closely resemble +combustion, of which oxygen is the prime supporter. If the supply is +insufficient, the fire of life wanes. The healthy condition of the +lungs also requires that they be completely expanded by the air +inhaled. The imperfect breathing of many persons fails to accomplish +the required inflation, and the lungs become diseased for want of +their natural action. Full, deep breathing and pure air are as +essential to health, happiness, and the right performance of our +duties, whether individual, political, or social, as pure food and +temperate habits of eating and drinking are. Attend, then, to the +lungs as well as the stomach. Breathe good air. Have all your rooms, +and especially your sleeping apartment well ventilated. The air which +has been vitiated by breathing or by the action of fire, which +abstracts the oxygen and supplies its place with carbonic acid gas, is +a _subtle poison_. + + +V.--EXERCISE. + +The amount of physical exercise required varies with age, sex, and +temperament; but no person can enjoy vigorous health without a +considerable degree of active bodily exertion. Four or five hours per +day spent in the open air, in some labor or amusement which calls for +the exercise of the muscles of the body, is probably no more than a +proper average. We can live with less--that is, for a short time; but +Nature's laws are inexorable, and we can not escape the penalty +affixed to their violation. Those whose occupations are sedentary +should seek amusements which require the exertion of the physical +powers, and should spend as much as possible of their leisure time in +the open air. We must, however, use good judgment in this matter as +well as in eating. Too much exercise at once, or that which is fitful +and violent, is often exceedingly injurious to those whose occupations +have accustomed them to little physical exertion of any kind. + +The women of our country are suffering incalculably for want of proper +exercise. No other single cause perhaps is doing so much to destroy +health and beauty, and deteriorate the race, as this. "Your women are +very handsome," Frederika Bremer said, one day, "but they are too +white; they look as if they grew in the shade." A sad truth. Ladies, +if you would be healthy, beautiful, and attractive--if you would fit +yourselves to be good wives, and the mothers of strong and noble men, +you _must_ take an adequate amount of exercise in the open air. _This +should be an every-day duty._ + + +VI.--THE COMPLEXION. + +Every person, and especially every lady, desires a clear complexion. +To secure this, follow the foregoing directions in reference to +cleanliness, eating, drinking, breathing, and exercise. The same +recipe serves for ruby lips and rosy cheeks. These come and go with +health, and health depends upon obedience to the laws of our +constitution. + + +VII.--GENERAL HINTS. + +Few of us are free from disagreeable habits of which we are hardly +conscious, so seemingly natural have they become to us. It is the +office of friendship, though not always a pleasant one, to point them +out. It is our business to assume that office here, finding our excuse +in the necessity of the case. Our bad habits not only injure +ourselves, but they give offense to others, and indirectly injure them +also. + + +1. _Tobacco._ + +Ladies, in this country, do not use tobacco, so they may skip this +section. A large and increasing number of gentlemen may do the same; +but if you use tobacco, in any forth, allow us to whisper a useful +hint or two in your ear. + +Smoking, snuff-taking, and especially chewing, are bad habits at best, +and in their coarser forms highly disgusting to pure and refined +people, and especially to ladies. You have the same right to smoke, +take snuff, and chew that you have to indulge in the luxuries of a +filthy skin and soiled garments, but you have no right, in either +case, to do violence to the senses and sensibilities of other people +by their exhibition in society. Smoke if you will, chew, take snuff +(against our earnest advice, however), make yourself generally and +particularly disagreeable, but you must suffer the consequences--the +social outlawry which must result. Shall we convert our parlors into +tobacco shops, risk the ruin of our carpets and furniture from the +random shots of your disgusting saliva, and fill the whole atmosphere +of our house with a pungent stench, to the discomfort and disgust of +everybody else, merely for the pleasure of your company? We have +rights as well as you, one of which is to exclude from our circle all +persons whose manners or habits are distasteful to us. You talk of +rights. You can not blame others for exercising theirs. + +There are degrees here as everywhere else. One may chew a _little_, +smoke an _occasional_ cigar, and take a pinch of snuff _now_ and +_then_, and if he never indulges in these habits in the presence of +others, and is very careful to purify his person before going into +company, he may confine the bad effects, which he can not escape, +_mostly_ to his own person. But he must not smoke in any parlor, or +sitting-room, or dining-room, or sleeping chamber, or in the street, +and particularly not in the presence of ladies, _anywhere_. + + +2. _Spitting._ + +"The use of tobacco has made us a nation of spitters," as some one has +truly remarked. Spitting is a private act, and tobacco users are not +alone in violating good taste and good manners by hawking and spitting +in company. You should never be seen to spit. Use your handkerchief +carefully and so as not to be noticed, or, in case of necessity, leave +the room. + + +3. _Gin and Gentility._ + +The spirit and tenor of our remarks on tobacco will apply to the use +of ardent spirits. The fumes of gin, whisky, and rum are, if possible, +worse than the scent of tobacco. They must on no account be brought +into company. If a man (this is another section which women may skip) +will make a beast of himself, and fill his blood with liquid poison, +he must, if he desires admission into good company, do it either +privately or with companions whose senses and appetites are as +depraved as his own. + + +4. _Onions, etc._ + +All foods or drinks which taint the breath or cause disagreeable +eructations should be avoided by persons going into company. Onions +emit so very disagreeable an odor that no truly polite person will eat +them when liable to inflict their fumes upon others. Particular care +should be taken to guard against a bad breath from _any_ cause. + + +5. _Several Items._ + +Never pare or scrape your nails, pick your teeth, comb your hair, or +perform any of the necessary operations of the toilet in company. All +these things should be carefully attended to in the privacy of your +own room. To pick the nose, dig the ears, or scratch the head or any +part of the person in company is still worse. Watch yourself +carefully, and if you have any such habits, break them up at once. +These may seem little things, but they have their weight, and go far +in determining the character of the impression we make upon those +around us. + + + + +II. + +DRESS. + + From little matters let us pass to less, + And lightly touch the mysteries of dress; + The outward forms the inner man reveal; + We guess the pulp before we eat the peel.--_O. W. Holmes._ + + +I.--THE LANGUAGE OF DRESS. + +Dress has its language, which is, or may be, read and understood by +all. It is one of the forms in which we naturally give expression to +our tastes, our constructive faculties, our reason, our feelings, our +habits--in a word, to our character, as a whole. This expression is +often greatly modified by the arbitrary laws of Fashion, and by +circumstances of time, place, and condition, which we can not wholly +control; but can hardly be entirely falsified. Even that arch tyrant, +the reigning _Mode_, whatever it may be, leaves us little room for +choice in materials, forms, and colors, and the choice we make +indicates our prominent traits of character. + + +II.--THE USES OF DRESS. + +"Dress," that admirable Art Journal the _Crayon_ says, "has two +functions--to clothe and to ornament; and while we can not lose sight +of either point, we must not attribute to the one a power which +belongs to the other. The essential requirement of dress is to cover +and make comfortable the body, and of two forms of dress which fulfill +this function equally well, that is the better which is most accordant +with the laws of beauty. But fitness must in nowise be interfered +with; and the garb which infringes on this law gives us pain rather +than pleasure. We believe that it will be found that fitness and +beauty, so far from requiring any sacrifice for combination, are found +each in the highest degree where both are most fully obtained--that +the fittest, most comfortable dress is that which is most graceful or +becoming. Fitness is the primary demand; and _the dress that appears +uncomfortable is untasteful_. + +"But in the secondary function of dress, ornamentation, there are +several diverse objects to be attained--dignity, grace, vivacity, +brilliancy, are qualities distinguishing different individuals, and +indicating the impression they wish to make on society, and are +expressed by different combinations of the elements of beauty, line, +or form, and color. When the appareling of the outer being is in most +complete harmony with the mental constitution, the taste is fullest." + + +III.--THE ART OF DRESS. + +True art adapts dress to its uses, as indicated in the foregoing +extract. It is based on universal principles fundamental to all art. + +The art-writer already quoted says, very truly, that "Dress is always +to be considered as secondary to the person." This is a fundamental +maxim in the art of costume, but is often lost sight of, and dress +made _obtrusive_ at the expense of the individuality of the wearer. A +man's vest or cravat must not seem a too important part of him. Dress +may heighten beauty, but it can not create it. If you are not better +and more beautiful than your clothes you are, indeed, a man or a woman +of straw. + +The next principle to be regarded is the _fitness_ of your costume, in +its forms materials, and colors, to your person and circumstances, and +to the conditions of the time, place and occasion on which it is to be +worn. Fashion often compels us to violate this principle, and dress +in the most absurd, incongruous, unbecoming, and uncomfortable style. +A little more self-respect and independence, however, would enable us +to resist many of her most preposterous enactments. But Fashion is not +responsible for all the incongruities in dress with which we meet. +They are often the result of bad taste and affectation. + +The first demand of this law of fitness is, that your costume shall +accord with your person. The young and the old, we all instinctively +know, should not dress alike. Neither should the tall and the short, +the dark and the light, the pale and the rosy, the grave and the gay, +the tranquil and the vivacious. Each variety of form, color, and +character has its appropriate style; but our space here is too limited +to allow us to do more than drop a hint toward what each requires, to +produce the most harmonious and effective combination. In another +work,[A] now in the course of preparation, this important subject will +be treated in detail. + +"In form, simplicity and long, unbroken lines give dignity, while +complicated and short lines express vivacity. Curves, particularly if +long and sweeping, give grace while straight lines and angles indicate +power and strength. In color, unity of tint gives repose--if somber, +gravity but if light and clear, then a joyous serenity--variety of +tint giving vivacity, and if contrasted, brilliancy." + +Longitudinal stripes in a lady's dress make her appear taller than she +really is, and are therefore appropriate for persons of short stature. +Tall women, for this reason, should never wear them. Flounces are +becoming to tall persons, but not to short ones. The colors worn +should be determined by the complexion, and should harmonize with it. +"Ladies with delicate rosy complexions bear white and blue better than +dark colors, while sallow hues of complexion will not bear these +colors near them, and require dark, quiet, or grave colors to improve +their appearance. Yellow is the most trying and dangerous of all, and +can only be worn by the rich-toned, healthy-looking brunette." + +In the second place, there should be harmony between your dress and +your circumstances. It should accord with your means, your house, your +furniture, the place in which you reside, and the society in which you +move. + +Thirdly, your costume should be suited to the time, place, and +occasion on which it is to be worn. That summer clothes should not be +worn in winter, or winter clothes in summer, every one sees clearly +enough. The law of fitness as imperatively demands that you should +have one dress for the kitchen, the field, or the workshop, and +another, and quite a different one, for the parlor; one for the street +and another for the carriage, one for a ride on horseback and another +for a ramble in the country. Long, flowing, and even trailing skirts +are beautiful and appropriate in the parlor, but in the muddy streets, +draggling in the filth, and embarrassing every movement of the wearer, +or in the country among the bushes and briers, they lose all their +beauty and grace, because no longer fitting. The prettiest costume we +have ever seen for a shopping excursion or a walk in the city, and +especially for a ramble in the country, is a short dress or frock +reaching to the knee, and trowsers of the common pantaloon form, but +somewhat wider. Full Turkish trowsers might be worn with this dress, +but are less convenient. The waist or body of the dress is made with a +yoke and belt, and pretty full. The sleeves should be gathered into a +band and buttoned at the wrist. A _saque_ or a _basque_ of a different +color from the waist has a fine effect as a part of this costume. Add +to it a gipsy hat and good substantial shoes or boots, and you may +walk with ease, grace, and pleasure. This was the working and walking +costume of the women of the North American Phalanx, and is still worn +on the domain which once belonged to that Association, though the +institution which gave it its origin has ceased to exist. If you +reside in a place where you can adopt this as your industrial and +walking costume, without too much notoriety and odium, try it. You +must judge of this for yourself. We are telling you what is fitting, +comfortable, and healthful, and therefore, in its place, beautiful, +and not what it is expedient for you to wear. The time is coming when +such a costume may be worn anywhere. Rational independence, good +taste, and the study of art are preparing the way for the complete +overthrow of arbitrary fashion. Help us to hasten the time when both +women and men shall be permitted to dress as the eternal principles, +harmony, and beauty dictate, and be no longer the slaves of the tailor +and the dressmaker. + +But without adopting any innovations liable to shock staid +conservatism or puritanic prudery, you may still, in a good measure, +avoid the incongruities which we are now compelled to witness, and +make your costume accord with place and occupation. + +In the field, garden, and workshop, gentlemen can wear nothing more +comfortable and graceful than the blouse. It may be worn loose or +confined by a belt. If your occupation is a very dusty one, wear +overalls. In the counting-room and office, gentlemen wear frock-coats +or sack coats. They need not be of very fine material, and should not +be of any garish pattern. In your study or library, and about the +house generally, on ordinary occasions, a handsome dressing-gown is +comfortable and elegant. + +A lady, while performing the morning duties of her household may wear +a plain loose dress, made high in the neck, and with long sleeves +fastened at the wrist. It must not look slatternly, and may be +exceedingly beautiful and becoming. + +In reference to ornament, "the law of dress," to quote our +artist-friend again, "is, that where you want the eye of a spectator +to rest (for we all dress for show), you should concentrate your +decoration, leaving the parts of the apparel to which you do not want +attention called, as plain and negative as possible--not ugly, as some +people, in an affectation of plainness, do (for you have no right to +offend the eye of your fellow-man with any thing which is ugly), but +simply negative." + + +IV.--MATERIALS, ETC. + +The materials of which your clothes are made should be the best that +your means will allow. One generally exercises a very bad economy and +worse taste in wearing low-priced and coarse materials. For your +working costume, the materials should of course correspond with the +usage to which they are to be subjected. They should be strong and +durable, but need not therefore be either very coarse or at all ugly. +As a general rule, it costs no more to dress well than ill. + +A gentleman's shirts should always be fine, clean, and well-fitted. It +is better to wear a coarse or threadbare coat than a disreputable +shirt. The better taste and finer instincts of the ladies will require +no hint in reference to their "most intimate appareling." True taste, +delicacy, and refinement regards the under clothing as scrupulously as +that which is exposed to view. + +The coverings of the head and the feet are important and should by no +means be inferior to the rest of your apparel. Shoes are better than +boots, except in cases where the latter are required for the +protection of the feet and ankles against water, snow, or injury from +briers, brambles, and the like. Ladies' shoes for walking should be +substantial enough to keep the feet dry and warm. If neatly made, and +well-fitting, they need not be clumsy. Thin shoes, worn on the damp +ground or pavement, have carried many a beautiful woman to her grave. +If you wish to have corns and unshapely feet, wear tight shoes; they +never fail to produce those results. + +The fashionable fur hat, in its innumerable but always ugly forms, is, +in the eye of taste, an absurd and unsightly covering for the head; +and it is hardly less uncomfortable and unhealthful than ugly. The +fine, soft, and more picturesque felt hats now, we are glad to say, +coming more and more into vogue, are far more comfortable and +healthful. A light, fine straw hat is the best for summer. + +The bonnets of the ladies, in their fashionable forms, are only a +little less ugly and unbecoming than the fur hats of the gentlemen. A +broad-brimmed or gipsy hat is far more becoming to most women than the +common bonnet. We hope to live to see both "stove-pipe hats" and +"sugar-scoop bonnets" abolished; but, in the mean time let those wear +them who _must_. + + +V.--MRS. MANNERS ON DRESS. + +Mrs. Manners, the highest authority we can possibly quote in such +matters, has the following hints to girls, which we can not deny +ourselves the pleasure of copying, though they may seem, in part, a +repetition of remarks already made: + +"Good taste is indispensable in dress, but that, united to neatness, +is _all_ that is _necessary_--that is the fabled cestus of Venus which +gave beauty to its wearer. Good taste involves _suitable fabrics--a +neat and becoming 'fitting' to her figure--colors suited to her +complexion, and a simple and unaffected manner of wearing one's +clothes_. A worsted dress in a warm day, or a white one in a cold day, +or a light, thin one in a windy day, are all in _bad_ taste. Very fine +or very delicate dresses worn in the street, or very highly ornamented +clothes worn to church or to shop in, are in _bad_ taste. Very long +dresses worn in muddy or dusty weather, even if long dresses are the +_fashion_, are still in _bad_ taste. + +"Deep and bright-colored gloves are always in bad taste; very few +persons are careful enough in selecting gloves. Light shoes and dark +dresses, white stockings and dark dresses, dark stockings and light +dresses, are not indicative of good taste. A girl with neatly and +properly dressed feet, with neat, well-fitting gloves, smoothly +arranged hair, and a clean, well-made dress, who walks well, and +speaks well, and, above all, acts politely and kindly, _is a lady_, +and no _wealth_ is required here. Fine clothes and fine airs are +abashed before such propriety and good taste. Thus the poorest may be +so attired as to appear as lady-like as the wealthiest; nothing is +more _vulgar_ than the idea that money makes a lady, or that fine +clothes can do it." + + +VI.--WEARING THE HAIR AND BEARD. + +The hair and beard, in one of their aspects, belong to the dress. In +reference to the style of wearing them, consult the general principles +of taste. A man to whom nature has given a handsome beard, deforms +himself sadly by shaving--at least, that is our opinion; and on this +point fashion and good taste agree. The full beard is now more common +than the shaven face in all our large cities. + +In the dressing of the hair there is room for the display of a great +deal of taste and judgment. The style should vary with the different +forms of face. Lardner's "Young Ladies' Manual" has the following +hints to the gentler sex. Gentlemen can modify them to suit their +case: + +"After a few experiments, a lady may very easily decide what mode of +dressing her hair, and what head-dress renders her face most +attractive. + +"Ringlets hanging about the forehead suit almost every one. On the +other hand, the fashion of putting the hair smoothly, and drawing it +back on either side, is becoming to few; it has a look of vanity +instead of simplicity: the face must do every thing for it, which is +asking too much, especially as hair, in its pure state, is the +ornament intended for it by nature. Hair is to the human aspect what +foliage is to the landscape. + +"Light hair is generally most becoming when curled. For a round face, +the curls should be made in short, half ringlets, reaching a little +below the ears. For an oval face, long and thick ringlets are +suitable; but if the face be thin and sharp, the ringlets should be +light, and not too long, nor too many in number. + +"When dark hair is curled, the ringlets should never fall in heavy +masses upon the shoulders. Open braids are very beautiful when made of +dark hair; they are also becoming to light-haired persons. A simple +and graceful mode of arranging the hair is to fold the front locks +behind the ears, permitting the ends to fall in a couple of ringlets +on either side behind. + +"Another beautiful mode of dressing the hair, and one very appropriate +in damp weather, when it will keep in curl, is to loop up the ringlets +with small hair-pins on either side of the face and behind the ears, +and pass a light band of braided hair over them. + +"Persons with very long, narrow heads may wear the hair knotted very +low at the back of the neck. If the head be long, but not very narrow, +the back hair may be drawn to one side, braided in a thick braid, and +wound around the head. When the head is round, the hair should be +formed in a braid in the middle of the back of the head. If the braid +be made to resemble a basket, and a few curls permitted to fall from +within it, the shape of the head is much improved." + + +VII.--ART _VS._ FASHION. + +Observe that we have been laying down some of the maxims deduced from +the principles of art and taste, in their application to dress, and +not promulgating the edicts of Fashion. If there is a lack of harmony +on some points, between the two, it is not our fault. We have +endeavored to give you some useful hints in reference to the beautiful +and the fitting in costume, based on a higher law than the enactments +of the fashion-makers. You must judge for yourself how far you can +make the latter bend to the former. We have been talking of dress as +an individual matter. In future chapters we shall have occasion to +refer to it in its relation to the usages of society. + + +VIII.--SIGNS OF "THE GOOD TIME COMING." + +N. P. Willis, in the _Home Journal_, writing on the dress-reform +agitation, thus closes his disquisition: + +"We repeat, that we see signs which look to us as if the present +excitement as to _one_ fashion were turning into a universal inquiry +as to the sense or propriety of _any fashion at all_. When the subject +shall have been fully discussed, and public attention fully awakened, +common sense will probably take the direction of the matter, and +opinion will settle in some shape which, at least, may reject former +excesses and absurdities. Some moderate similarity of dress is +doubtless necessary, and there are proper times and places for long +dresses and short dresses. These and other points the ladies are +likely to come to new decisions about. While they consult health, +cleanliness, and convenience, however, we venture to express a hope +that they will _get rid of the present slavish uniformity_--that what +is becoming to each may be worn without fear of unfashionableness, and +that in this way we may see every woman dressed somewhat differently +and to her own best advantage, and the _proportion of beauty largely +increased_, as it would, thereby, most assuredly be." + + +FOOTNOTE: + +[A] "Hints toward Physical Perfection; or, How to Acquire and Retain +Beauty, Grace, and Strength, and Secure Long Life and Perpetual +Youth." + + + + +III. + +SELF-CULTURE + + There is no man who can so easily and so naturally become in + all points a Gentleman Knight, without fear and without + reproach, as a true American Republican.--_James Parton._ + + +I.-MORAL AND SOCIAL TRAINING. + +Having given due attention to your personal habits and dress, consider +what special errors still remain to be corrected, or what deficiencies +to be supplied, and carefully and perseveringly apply yourself to the +required self-training. + +If you are sensible of an inadequate development of any of those +faculties or feelings on which good manners are based, set yourself at +once about the work of cultivation, remembering that the legitimate +exercise of any organ or function necessarily tends to its +development. Look first to conscientiousness. It is hardly possible +for you to acquire genuine good manners without an acute sense of +equity. Accustom yourself to a sacred regard for the rights of others, +even in the minutest matters, and in the most familiar intercourse of +the family or social circle. In a similar manner cultivate +Benevolence, Veneration, Adhesiveness, Agreeableness, Ideality, and +the moral, social, and esthetic faculties in general. Go out of your +way, if necessary, to perform acts of kindness and friendship; never +omit the "thank you" which is due for the slightest possible favor, +whether rendered by the highest or the lowest; be always bland and +genial; respect times, places, observances, and especially persons; +and put yourself in the way of all possible elevating and refining +influences. Manners have their origin in the mind and the heart. +Manners do not make the man, as is sometimes asserted; but the man +makes the manners. It is true, however, that the manners react upon +mind and heart, continually developing and improving the qualities out +of which they spring. + +You are placed in a particular community, or you are invited or wish +to gain admittance into a certain circle. Different communities and +circles require, to some extent, different qualifications. Ascertain +what you lack and acquire it as speedily as possible; but remember +that good sense and good nature are out of place in no company. + + +II.--LANGUAGE. + +Conversation plays an important part in the intercourse of society. It +is a great and valuable accomplishment to be able to talk well. +Cultivate language and the voice. Learn to express yourself with +correctness, ease, and elegance. This subject is worthy of all the +time and study you can give to it. "How to Talk: a Pocket Manual of +Conversation and Debate," which forms one of this series of +"Hand-Books for Home Improvement," will give you all necessary aid in +this department. + + +III.--POSITION AND MOVEMENT. + +Study also the graces of manner, motion, and position. Grace is +natural, no doubt, but most of us have nearly lost sight of nature. It +is often with the greatest difficulty that we find our way back to her +paths. It seems a simple and easy thing to walk, and a still easier +and simpler thing to stand or sit, but not one in twenty perform +either of these acts with ease and grace. There are a hundred little +things connected with attitude, movement, the carriage of the arms, +the position of the feet and the like, which, though seemingly +unimportant are really essential to elegance and ease. Never despise +these little things, or be ashamed to acquire the smallest grace by +study and practice. + +You desire to be a person of "good standing" in society. How _do_ you +stand? We refer now to the artistic or esthetic point of view. If you +are awkward, you are more likely to manifest your awkwardness in +standing than in walking. Do you know where to put your feet and what +to do with your hands? In the absence of any better rule or example, +try to forget your limbs, and let them take care of themselves. But +observe the attitudes which sculptors give to their statues; and study +also those of children, which are almost always graceful, because +natural. Avoid, on the one hand, the stiffness of the soldier, and, on +the other, the ape-like suppleness of the dancing-master; and let +there be no straining, no fidgeting, no uneasy shifting of position. +You should stand on _both_ feet, bearing a little more heavily on one +than the other. The same general principles apply to the sitting +posture. This may be either graceful, dignified, and elegant, or +awkward, abject, and uncouth. The latter class of qualities may be got +rid of and the former acquired, and depend upon it, it is a matter of +some consequence which of them characterizes your position and +movements. Walking is not so difficult an accomplishment as standing +and sitting, but should receive due attention. It has a very close +connection with character, and either of them may be improved or +deteriorated through the other. A close observer and a sensible and +trustworthy monitor of their own sex thus enumerates some of the +common faults of women in their "carriage," or manner of walking: + +"Slovenliness in walking characterizes some. They go shuffling along, +precisely as if their shoes were down at the heel--"slipshod"--and +they could not lift up their feet in consequence. If it is dusty or +sandy, they kick up the dust before them and fill their skirts with +it. This is exceedingly ungraceful. If I were a gentleman, I really do +not think I could marry a lady who walked like this; she would appear +so very undignified, and I could not be proud of her. + +"Some have another awkwardness. They lift up their feet so high that +their knees are sent out before them showing the movement through the +dress. They always seem to be leaving their skirts behind them, +instead of carrying them gracefully about them. Some saunter along so +loosely they seem to be hung on wires; others are as stiff as if they +supposed only straight lines were agreeable to the eye; and others, +again, run the chin forward considerably in advance of the breast, +looking very silly and deficient in self-respect. + +"Sometimes a lady walks so as to turn up her dress behind every time +she puts her foot back, and I have seen a well-dressed woman made to +look very awkward by elevating her shoulders slightly and pushing her +elbows too far behind her. Some hold their hands up to the waist, and +press their arms against themselves as tightly as if they were glued +there; others swing them backward and forward, as a business man walks +along the street. _Too short_ steps detract from dignity very much, +forming a mincing pace; too long steps are masculine. + +"Some walk upon the ball of the foot very flatly and clumsily; others +come down upon the heel as though a young elephant was moving; and +others, again, ruin their shoes and their appearance by walking upon +the side of the foot. Many practice a stoop called the Grecian bend, +and when they are thirty, will pass well, unless the face be seen, for +fifty years' old." + +Gymnastics, dancing, and the military drill are excellent auxiliaries +in the work of physical training, though all of them may be, and +constantly are, abused. We can not illustrate their application here. +They will receive the attention they deserve in "Hints toward Physical +Perfection," already referred to as in preparation. + + +IV.--SELF-COMMAND. + +Without perfect self-control you are constantly liable to do something +amiss, and your other social qualifications will avail little. You +must not only be fully conscious who you are, what you are, where you +are, and what you are about, but you must also have an easy and +complete control of all your words and actions, and feel _at home_ +wherever you are. You are liable to lose this self-command either +through bashfulness or excitement. The former is one of the greatest +obstacles with which a majority of young people have to contend. It +can be overcome by _resolute effort_ and the cultivation of +self-respect and self-reliance. Do not allow it to keep you out of +society. You will not conquer it by such a course. You might as +reasonably expect to learn to swim without going into the water. + + +V.--OBSERVATION. + +One of the best means of improvement in manners is observation. In +company, where you are in doubt in reference to any rule or form, be +quiet and observe what others do, and govern your conduct by theirs; +but except in mere external forms, beware of a servile imitation. Seek +to understand the principles which underlie the observances you +witness, and to become imbued with the spirit of the society (if good) +in which you move, rather than to copy particulars in the manners of +any one. + + +VI.--PRACTICAL LESSONS. + +But the most important instrumentality for the promotion of the +externals of good manners is constant practice in the actual every-day +intercourse of society; and without this our instructions and your +study will both be thrown away. Begin now, to-day, with the next +person you meet or address. + + + + +IV. + +FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES. + + Courtesy is the beautiful part of morality, justice carried to + the utmost, rectitude refined, magnanimity in trifles.--_Life + Illustrated._ + + +I.--MANNERS AND MORALS. + +Good manners and good morals are founded on the same eternal +principles of right, and are only different expressions of the same +great truths. Both grow out of the necessities of our existence and +relations. We have individual rights based on the fact of our +individual being; and we have social duties resulting from our +connection, in the bonds of society, with other individuals who have +similar rights. Morals and manners alike, while they justify us in +asserting and maintaining our own rights, require us scrupulously to +respect, in word and act, the rights of others. It is true that the +former, in the common comprehension of the term, is satisfied with +simple justice in all our relations, while the latter often requires +something more than the strictest conscientiousness can demand--a +yielding of more than half the road--an exercise of the sentiment of +benevolence, as well as of equity; but the highest morality really +makes the same requisition, for it includes politeness, and recognizes +deeds of kindness as a duty. + + +II.--RIGHTS. + +In this country we need no incitements to the assertion and +maintenance of our rights, whether individual or national. We are +ready at all times to do battle for them either with the tongue, the +pen, or the sword, as the case may require. Even women have discovered +that _they_ have rights, and he must be a bold man indeed who dares +call them in question. Yes, we all, men, women, and children, have +rights, and are forward enough in claiming then. Are we equally ready +to respect the rights of others? + + +III.--DUTIES. + +Out of rights grow duties; the first of which is to live an honest, +truthful, self-loyal life, acting and speaking always and everywhere +in accordance with the laws of our being, as revealed in our own +physical and mental organization. It is by the light of this fact that +we must look upon all social requirements, whether in dress, manners, +or morals. All that is fundamental and genuine in these will be found +to harmonize with universal principles, and consequently with our +primary duty in reference to ourselves. + + +1. _The Senses._ + +Whenever and wherever we come in contact with our fellow-men, there +arises a question of rights, and consequently of duties. We have +alluded incidentally to some of them, in speaking of habits and dress. +The senses of each individual have their rights, and it is your duty +to respect them. The eye has a claim upon you for so much of beauty in +form, color, arrangement, position, and movement as you are able to +present to it. A French author has written a book, the aim of which is +to show that it is the duty of a pretty woman to look pretty. It is +the duty of _all_ women, and all men too, to look and behave just as +well as they can, and whoever fails in this, fails in good manners and +in duty. The ear demands agreeable tones and harmonious combinations +of tones--pleasant words and sweet songs. If you indulge in loud +talking, in boisterous and untimely laughter, or in profane or vulgar +language, or sing out of tune, you violate its rights and offend good +manners. The sense of smell requires pleasant odors for its enjoyment. +Fragrance is its proper element. To bring the fetid odor of unwashed +feet or filthy garments, or the stench of bad tobacco or worse whisky, +or the offensive scent of onions or garlics within its sphere, is an +act of impoliteness. The sense of taste asks for agreeable flavors, +and has a right to the best we can give in the way of palatable foods +and drinks. The sense of feeling, though less cultivated and not so +sensitive as the others, has its rights too, and is offended by too +great coarseness, roughness, and hardness. It has a claim on us for a +higher culture. + + +2. _The Faculties._ + +And if the senses have their rights, we must admit that the higher +faculties and feelings of our nature are at least equally dowered in +this respect. You can not trespass upon one of them without a +violation of good manners. We can not go into a complete exposition of +the "bill of rights" of each. You can analyze them for yourself, and +learn the nature of their claims upon you. In the mean time, we will +touch upon a point or two here and there. + + +3. _Opinions._ + +Each person has a right to his or her opinions, and to the expression +of them _on proper occasions_, and there is no duty more binding upon +us all than the most complete and respectful toleration. The author of +"The Illustrated Manners Book" truly says: + +"_Every denial of, or interference with, the personal freedom or +absolute rights of another, is a violation of good manners._ He who +presumes to censure me for my religious belief, or want of belief; who +makes it a matter of criticism or reproach that I am a Theist or +Atheist, Trinitarian or Unitarian, Catholic or Protestant, Pagan or +Christian, Jew, Mohammedan, or Mormon, is guilty of rudeness and +insult. If any of these modes of belief make me intolerant or +intrusive, he may resent such intolerance or repel such intrusion; but +the basis of all true politeness and social enjoyment is the mutual +tolerance of personal rights." + + +4. _The Sacredness of Privacy._ + +Here is another passage from the author just quoted which is so much +to the point that we can not forbear to copy it: + +"One of the rights most commonly trespassed upon constituting a +violent breach of good manners, is the right of privacy, or of the +control of one's own person and affairs. There are places in this +country where there exists scarcely the slightest recognition of this +right. A man or woman bolts into your house without knocking. No room +is sacred unless you lock the door, and an exclusion would be an +insult. Parents intrude upon children, and children upon parents. The +husband thinks he has a right to enter his wife's room, and the wife +would feel injured if excluded, by night or day, from her husband's. +It is said that they even open each other's letters, and claim, as a +right, that neither should have any secrets from the other. + +"It in difficult to conceive of such a state of intense barbarism in a +civilized country, such a denial of the simplest and most primitive +rights, such an utter absence of delicacy and good manners; and had we +not been assured on good authority that such things existed, we +should consider any suggestions respecting them needless and +impertinent. + +"Each person in a dwelling should, if possible, have a room as sacred +from intrusion as the house is to the family. No child, grown to years +of discretion, should be outraged by intrusion. No relation, however +intimate, can justify it. So the trunks, boxes, packets, papers, and +letters of every individual, locked or unlocked, sealed or unsealed, +are sacred. It is ill manners even to open a book-case, or to read a +written paper lying open, without permission expressed or implied. +Books in an open case or on a center-table, cards in a card-case, and +newspapers, are presumed to be open for examination. Be careful where +you go, what you read, and what you handle, particularly in private +apartments." + +This right to privacy extends to one's business, his personal +relations, his thoughts, and his feelings. _Don't intrude_; and always +"mind your own business," which means, by implication, that you must +let other people's business alone. + + +5. _Conformity._ + +You must conform, to such an extent as not to annoy and give offense, +to the customs, whether in dress or other matters, of the circle in +which you move. This conformity is an implied condition in the social +compact. It is a practical recognition of the right of others, and +shows merely a proper regard for their opinions and feelings. If you +can not sing in tune with the rest, or on the same key, remain silent. +You may be right and the others wrong but that does not alter the +case. Convince them, if you can, and bring them to your pitch, but +never mar even a low accord. So if you can not adapt your dress and +manners to the company in which you find yourself, the sooner you take +your leave the better. You may and should endeavor, in a proper way, +to change such customs and fashions as you may deem wrong, or +injurious in their tendency, but, in the mean time, you have no right +to violate them. You may choose your company, but, having chosen it, +you must conform to its rules til you can change them. You are not +compelled to reside in Rome; but if you choose to live there, you must +"do as the Romans do." + +The rules which should govern your conduct, as an isolated individual, +were such a thing as isolation possible in the midst of society, are +modified by your relations to those around you. This life of ours is a +complex affair, and our greatest errors arise from our one-side views +of it. We are sovereign individuals, and are born with certain +"inalienable rights;" but we are also members of that larger +individual society, and our rights can not conflict with the duties +which grow out of that relation. If by means of our non-conformity we +cause ourselves to be cut off, like an offending hand, or plucked out, +like an offending eye, our usefulness is at once destroyed. + +It is related of a certain king that on a particular occasion he +turned his tea into his saucer, contrary to his custom and to the +etiquette of society, because two country ladies, whose hospitalities +he was enjoying, did so. That king was a _gentleman_; and this +anecdote serves to illustrate an important principle; namely, that +_true politeness and genuine good manners often not only permit, but +absolutely demand, a violation of some of the arbitrary rules of +etiquette_. + +The _highest law_ demands complete HARMONY in all spheres and in all +relations. + + +IV.--EQUALITY. + +In the qualified sense which no doubt Mr. Jefferson affixed to the +term in his own mind, "all men _are_ created free and _equal_." The +"noble Oracle" himself had long before as explicitly asserted the +natural equality of man. In 1739, thirty-seven years before the +Declaration of Independence was penned, Lord Chesterfield wrote: "We +are of the same species, and no distinction whatever is between us, +except that which arises from fortune. For example, your footman and +Lizette would be your equals were they as rich as you. Being poor, +they are obliged to serve you. Therefore you must not add to their +misfortune by insulting or ill-treating them. A good heart never +reminds people of their misfortune, but endeavors to alleviate, or, if +possible, to make them forget it." + +The writer in _Life Illustrated_, quoted in a previous chapter, states +the case very clearly as follows: + +"It is in the sacredness of their rights that men are equal. The +smallest injustice done to the smallest man on earth is an offense +against all men; an offense which all men have a personal and equal +interest in avenging. If John Smith picks my pocket, the cause in +court is correctly entitled, 'The PEOPLE _versus_ John Smith.' The +whole State of New York has taken up my quarrel with John, and arrays +itself against John in awful majesty; because the pockets, the +interests, the rights of a man are _infinitely_, and therefore +_equally_, sacred. + +"The conviction of this truth is the beginning and basis of the +science of republican etiquette, which acknowledges no _artificial_ +distinctions. Its leading principle is, that courtesy is due to all +men from all men; from the servant to the served; from the served to +the servant; and from both for precisely the same reason, namely, +because both are human beings and _fellow_-citizens!" + + +V.--A REMARK OR TWO TO BE REMEMBERED. + +We purpose, in succeeding chapters, to set forth briefly but clearly, +what the actual requirements of good society are in reference to +behavior. You must look at these in the light of the general +principles we have already laid down. It is not for us to say how far +you ought or can conform to any particular custom, usage, or rule of +etiquette. We believe that even the most arbitrary and capricious of +them either have or have had a reason and a meaning. In many cases, +however, the reason may no longer exist, and the form be meaningless; +or while it embodies what is a living truth to others, you may have +outgrown it or advanced beyond it. _You have an undoubted right, +politely but firmly, to decline to do what seems to you, looking upon +the matter from your highest stand-point, to be clearly wrong, and it +is no breach of good manners to do so_; but at the same time you +should avoid, as far as possible, putting yourself in positions which +call for the exercise of this right. If you can not conscientiously +wear a dress coat, or a stove-pipe hat, or cut your hair, or eat +flesh-meat, or drink wine, you will naturally avoid, under ordinary +circumstances, the circles in which non-conformity in these matters +would be deemed a breach of good manners. When it is necessary that +you should mingle with people whose customs you can not follow in all +points without a violation of principle, you will courteously, and +with proper respect for what they probably think entirely right, fall +back upon the "higher law;" but if it is a mere matter of gloved or +ungloved hands, cup or saucer, fork or knife, you will certainly have +the courtesy and good sense to conform to usage. + + + + +V. + +DOMESTIC MANNERS. + + Home is a little world of itself, and furnishes a sphere for + the exercise of every virtue and for the experience of every + pleasure or pain. If one profit not by its opportunities, he + will be likely to pay dearly for less agreeable lessons in + another school.--_Harrison._ + + +I.--A TEST OF GOOD MANNERS. + +Good manners are not to be put on and off with one's best clothes. +Politeness is an article for every-day wear. If you don it only on +special and rare occasions, it will be sure to sit awkwardly upon you. +If you are not well behaved in your own family circle, you will hardly +be truly so anywhere, however strictly you may conform to the +observances of good breeding, when in society. The true gentleman or +lady is a gentleman or lady at all times and in all places-at home as +well as abroad--in the field, or workshop, or in the kitchen, as well +as in the parlor. A snob is--a _snob_ always and everywhere. + +If you see a man behave in a rude and uncivil manner to his father or +mother, his brothers or sisters, his wife or children; or fail to +exercise the common courtesies of life at his own table and around his +own fireside, you may at once set him down as a boor, whatever +_pretensions_ he may make to gentility. + +Dc not fall into the absurd error of supposing that you may do as you +please at home--that is, unless you please to behave in a perfectly +gentlemanly or ladylike manner. The same rights exist there as +elsewhere, and the same duties grow out of them, while the natural +respect and affection which should be felt by each member of the +family for all the other members, add infinitely to their sacredness. +Let your good manners, then, begin at home. + + +II.--PARENTS AND CHILDREN. + +American children (we are sorry to be obliged to say it) are not, as a +general rule, well behaved. They are rude and disrespectful, if not +disobedient. They inspire terror rather than love in the breasts of +strangers and all persons who seek quiet and like order. In our +drawing-rooms, on board our steamers, in our railway cars and stage +coaches, they usually contrive to make themselves generally and +particularly disagreeable by their familiarity, forwardness, and +pertness. "Young America" can not brook restraint, has no conception +of superiority, and reverences nothing. His ideas of equality admit +neither limitation nor qualification. He is born with a full +comprehension of his own individual rights, but is slow in learning +his social duties. Through whose fault comes this state of things? +American boys and girls have naturally as much good sense and +good-nature as those of any other nation, and, when well trained, no +children are more courteous and agreeable. The fault lies in their +education. In the days of our grandfathers, children were taught +manners at school--a rather rude, backwoods sort of manners, it is +true, but better than the no manners at all of the present day. We +must blame parents in this matter rather than their children. If you +would have your children grow up beloved and respected by their elders +as well as their contemporaries, teach them good manners in their +childhood. The young sovereign should first learn to obey, that he may +be the better fitted to command in his turn. + +Those who are old enough to study this book, are old enough to take +the matter in to their own hands, and remedy the defects and supply +the deficiencies of their early education. We beg them to commence at +once, and _at home_. + +Allow no false ideas of "liberty and equality" to cause you to forget +for a moment the deference due to your father and your mother. The +fifth commandment has not been and can not be abrogated. We commend to +you the example of the Father of his Country. Look into the life of +Washington, and mark what tender and respectful attentions +characterized his intercourse with his only surviving parent. _He_ +never, we venture to say, spoke of his mother as "the old woman," or +addressed her with incivility. "Never," an old friend of yours adjures +you, "let youthful levity or the example of others betray you into +forgetfulness of the claims of your parents or elders to a certain +deference." Nature, a counselor still more sage, we doubt not, has +written the same injunction upon your heart. _Let your manners do +justice to your feelings!_ + +"Toward your father," that polished and courtly "gentleman of the old +school," the author of the "American Gentleman's Guide to Politeness +and Fashion," says, "preserve always a deferential manner, mingled +with a certain frankness indicating that thorough confidence--that +entire understanding of each other, which is the best guarantee of +good sense in both, and of inestimable value to every young man +blessed with a right-minded parent. Accept the advice dictated by +experience with respect, receive even reproof without impatience of +manner, and hasten to prove afterward that you cherish no resentful +remembrance of what may have seemed to you too great severity or a too +manifest assumption of authority.... In the inner temple of _home_, as +well as where the world looks on, render him reverence due. + +"There should be mingled with the habitual deference and attention +that marks your manner to your mother the indescribable tenderness +and rendering back of care and watchfulness that betokens remembrance +of early days. No other woman should ever induce you to forget this +truest, most disinterested friend, nor should your manner ever +indicate even momentary indifference to her wishes or her affection." + + +III.--BROTHERS AND SISTERS. + +The intercourse of brothers and sisters should be marked by the +frankness and familiarity befitting their intimate relation; but this +certainly does not preclude the exercise of all the little courtesies +of life. Young man, be polite to your sister. She is a woman, and all +women have claims on you for courteous attentions; and the affection +which exists between you adds tenfold to the sacredness of the claims +she has upon you, not only for protection, but for the exercise toward +her of all the sweet amenities of life. Except your mother and your +wife or affianced mistress (if you have one), no one can possibly have +an equal right to your attentions. If you are young and have neither +wife nor lady-love, let your mother and your sisters be to you the +embodiment of all that is tenderest, most beautiful, and best in the +human world. You can have no better school than your daily intercourse +with them, to fit you for female society in general. The young man who +loves his sisters and always treats them with the politeness, +deference, and kindness which is their due, is almost certain to be a +favorite with their sex generally; so, _as you value your reputation +for good manners and your success with other ladies, fail in no act of +courtesy to your sisters_. + +The gentle and loving sister will need no injunction to treat an +affectionate, polite, and attentive brother with the tender and +respectful consideration which such a brother deserves. The charming +little courtesies which you practice so gracefully in your +intercourse with other gentlemen will not, you may be sure, be lost +upon him. True politeness is never lost, and never out of place; and +nowhere does it appear more attractive than at home. + +Stiff formality and cold ceremoniousness are repulsive anywhere, and +are particularly so in the family circle; but the easy, frank, and +genial intercourse of the fireside, instead of being marred, is +refined and made still more delightful by courtesy. + + +IV.--THE HUSBAND AND WIFE. + +Reader, are you married? But excuse us, if the question is not a +proper one. If you are not, you doubtless hope to be, sooner or later, +and therefore we will address you just as if you were. + +The husband should never cease to be a _lover_, or fail in any of +those delicate attentions and tender expressions of affectionate +solicitude which marked his intercourse before marriage with his +heart's queen. All the respectful deference, every courteous +observance, all the self-sacrificing devotion that can be claimed by a +mistress is certainly due to a wife, and he is no true husband and no +true _gentleman_ who withholds them. It is not enough that you honor, +respect, and love your wife. You must put this honor, respect, and +love into the forms of speech and action. Let no unkind word, no +seeming indifference, no lack of the little attentions due her, remind +her sadly of the sweet days of courtship and the honey-moon. Surely +the love you thought would have been cheaply purchased at the price of +a world is worth all you care to preserve. Is not the wife more, and +better, and dearer than the sweetheart? We venture to hint that it is +probably your own fault if she is not. + +The chosen companion of your life, the mother of your children, the +sharer of all your joys and sorrows, as she possesses the highest +place in your affections, should have the best place everywhere, the +choicest morsels, the politest attentions, the softest, kindest words, +the tenderest care. Love, duty, and good manners alike require it. + +And has the wife no duties? Have the courteous observances, the tender +watchfulness, the pleasant words, the never-tiring devotion, which won +your smiles, your spoken thanks, your kisses, your very self, in days +gone by, now lost their value? Does not the husband rightly claim as +much, at least, as the lover? If you find him less observant of the +little courtesies due you, may this not be because you sometimes fail +to reward him with the same sweet thanks and sweeter smiles? Ask your +own heart. + +Have the comfort and happiness of your husband always in view, and let +him _see_ and _feel_ that you still look up to him with trust and +affection--that the love of other days has not grown cold. Dress for +his eyes more scrupulously than for all the rest of the world; make +yourself and your home beautiful for his sake; play and sing (if you +can) to please him; try to beguile him from his cares; retain his +affections in the same way you won them, and--be polite even to your +husband. + + +V.--ENTERTAINERS AND THEIR GUESTS. + +Hospitality takes a high rank among the social virtues; but we fear it +is not held in so high esteem as formerly. Its duties are often +fatiguing and irksome, no doubt, and sometimes quite unnecessarily so. +One of the most important maxims of hospitality is, "Let your guests +alone!" If it were generally observed it would save both hosts and +visitors a world of trouble. Your first object should be to make your +guests feel at home. This they never can do while your needless bustle +and obtrusive attentions constantly remind them that they are not at +home, and perhaps make them wish they were. + +You will not, of course, understand us to mean that you should devote +no attention to your guests. On the contrary, you should assiduously +labor to promote their comfort and enjoyment, opening to them every +source of entertainment within your reach; but it should be done in +that easy, delicate, considerate way which will make it seem a matter +of course, and no trouble whatever to you. You should not seem to be +conferring but receiving a favor. + +Begging your visitors to "make themselves at home," does not give them +the home _feeling_. Genuine, unaffected friendliness, and an +unobtrusive and almost unperceived attention to their wants alone will +impart this. Allow their presence to interfere as little as possible +with your domestic arrangements; thus letting them see that their +visit does not disturb you, but that they fall, as it were, naturally +into a vacant place in your household. + +Observe your own feelings when you happen to be the guest of a person +who, though he may be very much your friend, and really glad to see +you, seems not to know what to do either with you or himself; and +again, when in the house of another, you feel as much at ease as in +your own. Mark the difference, more easily felt than described, +between the manners of the two, and deduce therefrom a lesson for your +own improvement. + +Furnish your rooms and table for your guests in as good style as your +means and the circumstances of the case will permit, and make no fuss +about it. To be unnecessarily sparing shows meanness, and to be +extravagantly profuse is absurd as well an ruinous. Probably your +visitors know whether your income is large or small and if they do not +they will soon learn, on that point, all that it is necessary for +them to know. But if any circumstance out of the ordinary course of +things should render an apology necessary, make it at once and say no +more about it. + +Avoid by all means the very common but very foolish habit of +depreciating your own rooms, furniture, or viands, and expressing +uncalled-for regrets that you have nothing better to offer, merely to +give your guests an opportunity politely to contradict you. But you +need not go to the other extreme and extol the meats you set before +them. Say nothing about these matters. + +When visitors show any intention of leaving, you will of course +express the desire you feel to have them stay longer, but good manners +do not require you to endeavor to retain them against their wishes or +sense of duty. It is to be supposed that they know their own affairs +best. + +Guests sometimes forget (if they ever learned) that _they_ have any +duties. We beg leave to jog their memory with the following hints from +the graceful pen of "Mrs. Manners:" + +"To accommodate yourself to the habits and rules of the family, in +regard to hours of rising or retiring, and particularly the hours for +meals, is the first duty of a guest. Inform yourself as soon as +possible when the meals occur--whether there will be a dressing-bell--at +what time they meet for prayers, and thus become acquainted with all the +family regulations. _It is always the better way for a family to adhere +strictly to all their usual habits_; it is a much simpler matter for +one to learn to conform to those than for half a dozen to be thrown out +of a routine, which may be almost indispensable to the fulfillment of +their importunate duties. It certainly must promote the happiness of +any reasonable person to know that his presence is no restraint and +no inconvenience. + +"Your own good sense and delicacy will teach you the desirability of +keeping your room tidy, and your articles of dress and toilet as much +in order as possible. If there is a deficiency of servants, a lady +will certainly not hesitate to make her own bed, and to do for herself +as much as possible, and for the family all that is in her power. I +never saw an elegant lady of my acquaintance appear to better +advantage than when once performing a service which, under other +circumstances, might have been considered menial; yet, in her own +house, she was surrounded by servants, and certainly she never used a +broom or made a bed a her life." + + +VI.--SERVANTS. + +We are all dependent, in one way or another, upon others. At one time +we serve, at another we are served, and we are equally worthy of honor +and respect in the one case as in the other. The man or the woman who +serves us may or may not be our inferior in natural capacity, +learning, manners, or wealth. Be this as it may, the relation in which +we stand to him or her gives us no right beyond the exaction of the +service stipulated or implied in that relation. The right to tyrannize +over our inferiors in social position, to unnecessarily humiliate +them, or to be rude and unkind can not exist, because it would be an +infringement of other rights. Servants have rights as well as those +whom they serve, and the latter have duties as well as the former. We +owe those who labor for us something more than their wages. They have +claims on us for a full recognition of their manhood or womanhood, and +all the rights which grow out of that state. + +The true gentleman is never arrogant, or overbearing, or rude to +domestics or _employées_. His commands are requests, and all +services, no matter how humble the servant, are received with thanks, +as if they were favors. We might say the same with still greater +emphasis of the true lady. There is no surer sign of vulgarity than a +needless assumption of the tone of authority and a haughty and +supercilious bearing toward servants and inferiors in station +generally. It is a small thing to say, "I thank you," but those little +words are often better than gold. No one is too poor to bestow, or too +rich to receive them. + + + + +VI. + +THE OBSERVANCES OF EVERY-DAY LIFE. + + Good manners are the settled medium of social, as specie is of + commercial life: returns are equally expected in both; and + people will no more advance their civility to a bear, than + their money to a bankrupt.--_Chesterfield._ + + +I.--A PRELIMINARY REMARK. + +In going out into the great world which lies outside of home we have +no new principles to lay down for your guidance. Those we have set +forth and illustrated in previous chapters are of universal +application and meet all contingencies. We shall now essay a brief +exposition of the established laws of etiquette, leaving each reader +to judge for himself how far he can and ought to conform to them, and +what modifications they require to adapt them to a change of time, +place, and circumstances. + + +II.--INTRODUCTIONS. + +It is neither necessary nor desirable to introduce everybody to +everybody; and the promiscuous presentations sometimes inflicted upon +us are anything but agreeable. You confer no favor on us, and only a +nominal one on the person presented, by making us acquainted with one +whom we do not desire to know; and you _may_ inflict a positive injury +upon both. Yon also put yourself in an unpleasant position; for "an +introduction is a social indorsement," and yell become to a certain +extent responsible for the person you introduce. If he disgraces +himself in any way you share, in a greater or less degree, in his +disgrace. Be as cautious in this matter as you would in writing your +name on the back of another man's note. + +As a general rule, no gentleman should be presented to a lady without +her permission being previously obtained. Between gentlemen this +formality is not always necessary, but you should have good reason to +believe that the acquaintance will be agreeable to both, before +introducing any persons to each other. If a gentleman requests you to +present him to another gentleman who is his superior in social +position, or to a lady, you should either obtain permission of the +latter, or decline to accede to his request, on the ground that you +are not sufficiently intimate yourself to take the liberty. + +If you are walking with a friend, and are met or joined by another, it +is not necessary to introduce them to each other; but you may do so if +you think they would be glad to become acquainted. The same rule will +apply to other accidental meetings. + +When two men call upon a stranger on a matter of business, each should +present the other. + +The inferior should be introduced to the superior--the gentleman to +the lady, as, "Miss Brown, permit me to introduce Mr. Smith." A lady +may, however, be introduced to a gentleman much her superior in age or +station. Gentlemen and ladies who are presumed to be equals in age and +position are mutually introduced; as, "Mr. Wilson, allow me to make +you acquainted with Mr. Parker; Mr. Parker, Mr. Wilson." + +In presenting persons be very careful to speak their names plainly; +and on being introduced to another, if you do not catch the name, say, +without hesitation or embarrassment, "I beg your pardon, I did not +hear the name." + +It is the common custom in this country to shake hands on being +introduced. It is better that this should be optional with the person +to whom you are presented or with you, if you stood in the position +of the superior. If a lady or a superior in age or social position +offers the hand, you of course accept it cordially. You will have too +much self-respect to be the first to extend the hand in such a case. +In merely formal introductions a bow is enough. Feeling should govern +in this matter. + +In introducing members of your own family you should always mention +the name. Say, "My father Mr. Jones," "My daughter Miss Jones," or +"Miss Mary Jones." Your wife is simply "Mrs. Jones;" and if there +happen to be another Mrs. Jones in the family, she may be "Mrs. Jones, +my sister-in-law," etc. To speak of your wife as "my lady," or enter +yourselves on a hotel register as Mr. Jones and lady, is particularly +_snobbish_. + +Introductions by letter are subject to the same general rules as +verbal ones: we should, however, be still more cautious in giving +them; but for directions on this point, as well as forms for letters +of introduction, see "How to Write," Chapter IX. + +But may we not speak to a person without an introduction? In many +cases we most certainly may and should. There is no reason in the +world why two persons who may occupy the same seat in a railway car or +a stage coach should remain silent during the whole journey because +they have not been introduced, when conversation might be agreeable to +both. The same remark will apply to many other occasions. You are not +obliged, however to know these _extempore_ acquaintances afterward. + +If you are a gentleman, do not, we beg you, permit the lack of an +introduction to prevent you from promptly offering your services to +any unattended lady who may need them. Take off your hat and politely +beg the honor of protecting, escorting, or assisting her, and when the +service has been accomplished, bow and retire. + + +III.--SALUTATIONS. + +"Salutation," a French writer says, "is the touchstone of good +breeding." Your good sense will teach you that it should vary in style +with persons, times, places, and circumstances. You will meet an +intimate friend with a hearty shake of the hand and an inquiry +indicative of real interest, in reference to his health and that of +his family. To another person you how respectfully without speaking. A +slight note of recognition suffices in another case. But you should +never come into the presence of any person, unless you feel at liberty +to ignore their existence altogether, without some form of salutation. +If you meet in company a person with whom you have a quarrel, it is +better in general to bow coldly and ceremoniously than to seem not to +see him. + +It is a great rudeness not to return a salutation, no matter how +humble the person who salutes you. "A bow," La Fontaine says, "is a +note drawn at sight. If you acknowledge it, you must pay the full +amount." The two best bred men in England, Charles the Second and +George the Fourth, never failed to take off their hats to the meanest +of their subjects. A greater man than either, and a true "gentleman of +the old school," George Washington, was wont to lift his hat even to +the poor negro slave, who took off his as that great man passed. + + +IV.--RECEPTIONS. + +The duty of receiving visitors usually devolves upon the mistress of +the house, and should be performed in an easy, quiet, and self +possessed manner, and without any unnecessary ceremony. In this way +you will put your guests at their ease, and make their call or visit +pleasant both to them and to yourself. From a little book before us +entitled "Etiquette for Ladies," we condense a few useful hints on +this subject: + +"When any one enters, whether announced or not, rise immediately, +advance toward him, and request him to sit down. If it is a young man, +_offer_ him an arm-chair, or a stuffed one; if an elderly man, +_insist_ upon his _accepting_ the arm-chair; if a lady, beg her to be +seated upon the sofa. If the master of the house receives the +visitors, he will take a chair and place himself at a little distance +from them; if, on the contrary, it is the mistress of the house, and +if she is intimate with the lady who visits her, she will place +herself near her. If several ladies come at once, we give the most +honorable place to the one who, from age or other considerations, is +most entitled to respect. In winter, the most honorable places are +those at the corners of the fireplace. + +"If the visitor is a stranger, the master or mistress of the house +rises, and any persons who may be already in the room should do the +same. If some of them then withdraw, the master or mistress of the +house should conduct them as far as the door. But whoever the person +may be who departs, if we have other company, we may dispense with +conducting farther than the door of the room." + +Quiet self-possession and unaffected courtesy will enable you to make +even a ceremonious morning call tolerable, if not absolutely pleasant +to both the caller and yourself. + + +V.--VISITS AND CALLS. + +Visits are of various kinds, each of which has its own terms and +observances. There are visits of ceremony, visits of congratulation, +visits of condolence, visits of friendship. + +Visits of ceremony, though they take up a large share of the time of +the fashionable lady, are very stupid affairs as a general thing, and +have little to recommend them except--Fashion. The best thing about +them is that they may and should be short. + +You pay visits of congratulation to your friends on the occurrence of +any particularly auspicious event in his family, or on his appointment +to any office or dignity. + +Visits of condolence should be made within the week after the event +which calls for them. + +Let visits of friendship be governed by friendship's own laws, and the +universal principles of good manners. We shall give no particular +rules for the regulation of their time or their length. + +"Morning calls," the "Illustrated Manners Book" says "are the small +change of social commerce; parties and assemblies are the heavy +drafts. A call is not less than ten nor more than twenty minutes in +the city; in the country a little longer. The time for a morning call +is between eleven and two o'clock, unless your friends are so +fashionable as to dine at five or six, in which case you can call from +twelve to three. Morning, in fashionable parlance, means any time +before dinner." + +In a morning call or visit of ceremony, the gentleman takes his hat +and cane, if he carries one, into the room. The lady does not take off +her bonnet and shawl. In attending ladies who are making morning +calls, a gentleman assists them up the steps, rings the bell, +_follows_ them into the room, and waits till they have finished their +salutations, unless he has a part to perform in presenting them. +Ladies should always be the first to rise in terminating a visa, and +when they have made their _adieux_ their cavaliers repeat the +ceremony, and follow them out. + +Soiled overshoes or wet garments should not be worn into any room +devoted to the use of ladies. Gentlemen must never remain seated in +the company of ladies with whom he is ceremoniously associated, while +they are standing. Always relieve ladies of their parcels, parasols, +shawls, etc. whenever this will conduce to their convenience.[B] + +If you call on a person who is "engaged," or "not at home," leave your +card. If there are several persons you desire to see, leave a card for +each, or desire a servant to present your compliments to them +severally. All visits should be returned, personally or by card, just +as one should speak when spoken to, or answer a respectful letter. + +In visiting at a hotel, do not enter your friend's room till your card +has announced you. If not at home, send your card to his room with +your address written upon it as well as the name of the person for +whom it is intended, to avoid mistakes.[C] + +When you are going abroad, intending to be absent for some time, you +inclose your card in an envelope, having first, written T. T. L. [to +take leave], or P. P. C. [_pour prendre congé_] upon it--for a man the +former is better--and direct it outside to the person for whom it is +intended. In taking leave of a _family_, you send as many cards as you +would if you were paying an ordinary visit. When you return from your +voyage, all the persons to whom, before going, you have sent cards, +will pay you the first visit. If, previously to a voyage or his +marriage, any one should not send his card to another, it is to be +understood that he wishes the acquaintance to cease. The person, +therefore, who is thus _dis_carded, should never again visit the +other.[D] + +Visiting cards should be engraved or handsomely written. Those +printed on type are considered vulgar, simply, no doubt, because they +are cheap. A gentleman's card should be of medium size, unglazed, +ungilt, and perfectly plain. A lady's card may be larger and finer, +and should be carried in a card-case. + +If you should happen to be paying an evening visit at a house, where, +unknown to you, there is a small party assembled, you should enter and +present yourself precisely as you would have done had you been +invited. To retire precipitately with an apology for the intrusion +would create a _scene_, and be extremely awkward. Go in, therefore, +converse with ease for a few moments, and then retire. + +In making morning calls, usage allows a gentleman to wear a frock +coat, or a sack coat, if the latter happen to be in fashion. The frock +coat is now, in this country, _tolerated_ at dinner-parties, and even +at a ball, but is not considered in good _ton_ or style. + +"Ladies," according to the authority of a writer of their own sex, +"should make morning calls in an elegant and simple _négligé_, all the +details of which we can not give, on account of their multiplicity and +the numerous modifications of fashion. It is necessary for them, when +visiting at this time, to arrange their toilet with great care." + + +VI.--APPOINTMENTS. + +Be exact in keeping all appointments. It is better never to avail +yourself of even the quarter of an hour's grace sometimes allowed. + +If you make an appointment with another at your own house, you should +be invisible to the rest of the world, and consecrate your time solely +to him. + +If you accept an appointment at the house of a public officer or a +man of business, be very punctual, transact the affair with dispatch, +and retire the moment it is finished. + +At a dinner or supper to which you have accepted an invitation, be +absolutely punctual. It is very annoying to arrive an hour before the +rest, and still worse to be too late. If you find yourself in the +latter predicament on an occasion where ceremony is required, send in +your card, with an apology, and retire. + + +VII.--TABLE MANNERS. + +We shall speak in another place of the ceremonious observances +requisite at formal dinner parties. Our observations here will be of a +more general character, and of universal application. + +Take your seat quietly at the table. Sit firmly in your chair, without +lolling, leaning back, drumming, or any other uncouth action. Unfold +your napkin and lay it in your lap, eat soup delicately with a spoon, +holding a piece of bread in your left hand. Be careful to make no +noise in chewing or swallowing your food. + +Cut your food with your knife; but the fork is to be used to convey it +to your mouth. A spoon is employed for food that can not be eaten with +a fork. Take your fork or spoon in the right hand. Never use both +hands to convey anything to your month. Break your bread, not cut or +bite it. Your cup was made to drink from, and your saucer to hold the +cup. It is not well to drink anything hot; but you can wait till your +tea or coffee cools. Eggs should be eaten from the shell (chipping off +a little of the _larger_ end), with or without an egg-cup. The egg-cup +is to hold the shell, and not its contents. + +Be attentive to the wants of any lady who may be seated next to you, +especially where there are no servants, and pass anything that may be +needful to others. + +When you send up your plate for anything, your knife and fork should +go with it. When you have finished the course, lay your knife and fork +on your plate, parallel to each other, with the handles toward your +right hand. Of course, you should never put your knife into the butter +or the salt, or your spoon into the sugar-bowl. _Eat moderately and +slowly_, for your health's sake; but rapid, gross, and immoderate +eating is as vulgar as it is unwholesome. Never say or do anything at +table that is liable to produce disgust. Wipe your nose, if needful, +but never blow it. If it is necessary to do this, or to spit, leave +the table. + +It is almost unnecessary to mention that the table-cloth is not the +place to put your salt. Bread is the only comestible which the custom +of well-bred people permits to be laid off your plate. + +It is well not to seem too much in haste to commence, as if you are +famishing, but neither is it necessary to wait till everybody is +served before you commence. + +It is perfectly proper to "take the last piece," if you want it, +always presuming that there is more of the same in reserve. + + +VIII.--CONVERSATION. + +As conversation is the principal business in company, we can not well +pay too much attention to it; but having devoted another work to the +subject, we shall make this section briefer than would otherwise be +allowable, and refer our readers for complete instructions in this +important art to "How to Talk."[E] The maxims which follow are mostly +compiled from other works now before us. + +The wit of conversation consists more in finding it in others than in +showing a great deal yourself. He who goes from your conversation +pleased with himself and his own wit, is perfectly well pleased with +you. The most delicate pleasure is to please another.[F] + +Men of all sorts of occupations meet in society. As they go there to +unbend their minds and escape from the fetters of business, you should +never, in an evening, speak to a man about his profession. Do not talk +of politics to a journalist, of fevers to a physician, of stocks to a +broker. Talk to a mother about her children. Women are never tired of +hearing of themselves and their children.[G] + +In promiscuous companies you should vary your address agreeably to the +different ages of the persons to whom you speak. It would be rude and +absurd to talk of your courtships or your pleasures to men of certain +dignity and gravity, to clergymen, or men in years. To women you +should always address yourself with great respect and attention; their +sex is entitled to it, and it is among the duties of good manners; at +the same time, that respect is very properly and very agreeably mixed +with a degree of gayety, if you have it. + +In relating anything, avoid repetitions, or very hackneyed +expressions, such as, _says he_, or _says she_. Some people will use +these so often as to take off the hearer's attention from the story; +as, in an organ out of tune, one pipe shall perhaps sound the whole +time we are playing, and confuse the piece so as not to be understood. + +Carefully avoid talking either of your own or other people's domestic +concerns. By doing the one, you will be thought vain; by entering into +the other, you will be considered officious. Talking of yourself is +an impertinence to the company; your affairs are nothing to them; +besides, they can not be kept too secret. As to the affairs of others, +what are they to you? + +You should never help out or forestall the slow speaker, as if you +alone were rich in expressions, and he were poor. You may take it for +granted that every one is vain enough to think he can talk well, +though he may modestly deny it. [There is an exception to this rule. +In speaking with foreigners, who understand our language imperfectly, +and may be unable to find the right word, it is sometimes polite to +assist them by suggesting the word they require.] + +Giving advice unasked is another piece of rudeness. It is, in effect, +declaring ourselves wiser than those to whom we give it; reproaching +them with ignorance and inexperience. It is a freedom that ought not +to be taken with any common acquaintance. + +Those who contradict others upon all occasions, and make every +assertion a matter of dispute, betray, by this behavior, a want of +acquaintance with good breeding. + +Vulgarism in language is the next and distinguishing characteristic of +bad company and a bad education. A man of fashion avoids nothing with +more care than that. Proverbial expressions and trite sayings are the +flowers of the rhetoric of a vulgar man.[H] + +Never descend to flattery; but deserved compliments should never be +withheld. Be attentive to any person who may be speaking to you, and +be equally ready to speak or to listen, as the case may require. Never +dispute. As a general rule, do not ride your own _hobbies_ in a mixed +company, nor allow yourself to be "trotted out" for their amusement. + + +IX.--MUSIC. + +When music commences, conversation should cease. It is very rude to +talk while another person is singing or playing. + +A lady should never exhibit any anxiety to sing or play; but if she +intends to do so, she should not affect to refuse when asked, but +obligingly accede at once. If you can not sing, or do not choose to, +say so with seriousness and gravity, and put an end to the expectation +promptly. After singing once or twice, cease and give place to others. +The complaint is as old as the days of Horace, that a singer can with +the greatest difficulty be set agoing, and when agoing, can not be +stopped. + +In playing an accompaniment for another, do not forget that it is +intended to aid, and not to interrupt, and that the instrument is +subordinate to the singer. + +When a lady is playing, it is desirable that some one should turn the +leaves for her. Some gentleman will be generally at hand to do this, +but unless he be able to read music, his services may as well be +dispensed with. + + +X.--LETTERS AND NOTES. + +Few accomplishments are more important than letter writing--in fact, +it is absolutely indispensable to every man or woman who desires to +fill a respectable position it society. But good letter-writers are +rare. Too little attention is paid to the subject in our systems of +education; and the lack of the ability to write a decent letter, or +even a note of invitation, acceptance, or regret, is often the cause +of great mortification, to say nothing of the delays, misunderstandings, +and losses resulting in business affairs from bungling and incorrectly +written letters. + +The impossibility of doing justice to the subject in the very limited +space that we could devote to it in this work, compels us to refer the +reader to our little manual of Composition and Letter-Writing, +entitled "How to Write," in which the whole subject is thoroughly +explained and illustrated. + + +XI.--MISCELLANEOUS HINTS. + + +1. _Which goes First?_ + +In ascending or descending stairs with a lady, it is proper to offer +your arm, provided the stair-case is sufficiently wide to permit two +to go up or down abreast. + +But if it is not, which should go first? Authorities disagree. Usage +is not settled. It is a general rule of etiquette to give ladies the +precedence everywhere. Is there a sufficient reason for making this an +exception? One says that if you follow a lady in going down stairs, +you are liable to tread on her dress, and that if she precedes you in +going up, she might display a large foot or a thick ankle which were +better concealed. He thinks the gentleman should go first. Another +calls this a maxim of prudery and the legacy of a maiden aunt. Colonel +Lunettes, our oft-quoted friend of the old _régime_, speaks very +positively on this point. "Nothing is more absurd," he says, "than the +habit of preceding ladies in ascending stairs, adopted by some men--as +if by following just behind them, as one should if the arm be +disengaged, there can be any impropriety. Soiled frills and unmended +hose must have originated this vulgarity." Let the ladies decide. + + +2. _An American Habit._ + +There is a habit peculiar to the United States, and from which even +some females, who class themselves as ladies, are not entirely +free--that of lolling back, balanced upon the two hind legs of a +chair. Such a breach of good breeding is rarely committed in Europe. +Lolling is carried even so for in America, that it is not uncommon to +see the attorneys lay their feet upon the council table; and the +clerks and judges theirs also upon their desks in open court. + + +3. _Gloved or Ungloved?_ + +In shaking hands it is more respectful to offer an ungloved hand; but +if two gentlemen are both gloved, it is very foolish to keep each +other waiting to take them off. You should not, however, offer a +gloved hand to a lady or a superior who is ungloved. Foreigners are +sometimes very sensitive in this matter, and might deem the glove an +insult. It is well for a gentleman to carry his right-hand glove in +his hand where he is likely to have occasion to shake hands. At a ball +or a party the gloves should not be taken off. + + +4. _Equality._ + +In company, though none are _free_, yet all are _equal_. All, +therefore, whom you meet should be treated with equal respect, +although interest may dictate toward each different degrees of +attention. It is disrespectful to the inviter to shun any of her +guests. + + +5. _False Shame._ + +In a letter to his son, Lord Chesterfield makes the following +confession: "I have often wished an obscure acquaintance absent, for +meeting and taking notice of me when I was in what I thought and +called fine company. I have returned his notice shyly, awkwardly, and +consequently offensively, for fear of a momentary joker not +considering, as I ought to have done, that the very people who would +have joked upon me at first, would have esteemed me the more for it +afterward." + +A good hint for us all. + + +6. _Pulling out one's Watch._ + +Pulling out your watch in company, unasked, either at home or abroad, +is a mark of ill-breeding. If at home, it appears as if you were tired +of your company, and wished them to be gone; if abroad, as if the +hours dragged heavily, and you wished to be gone yourself. If you want +to know the time, withdraw; besides, as the taking what is called +French leave was introduced, that, on one person's leaving the +company, the rest might not be disturbed, looking at your watch does +what that piece of politeness was designed to prevent. + + +7. _Husband and Wife._ + +A gentleman speaks of his wife in a mixed company as Mrs. ----, and a +lady of her husband as Mr. ----. So one does not say in speaking to +another, "your wife," or "your husband," but Mrs. or Mr. ----. Among +intimates, however, to say "my wife," or "my husband," is better, +because less formal. Let there be a _fitness_ in everything, whatever +conventional rules you may violate. + + +8. _Bowing vs. Curtseying._ + +Curtseying is obsolete. Ladies now universally bow instead. The latter +is certainly a more convenient, if not a more graceful form of +salutation, particularly on the street. + + +9. _Presents._ + +Among friends, presents ought to be made of things of small value; or, +if valuable, their worth should be derived from the style of the +workmanship, or from some accidental circumstance, rather than from +the inherent and solid richness. Especially never offer to a lady a +gift of great cost; it is in the highest degree indelicate, and looks +as if you were desirous of placing her under an obligation to you, and +of buying her good-will. + +The gifts made by ladies to gentlemen are of the most refined nature +possible; they should be little articles not purchased, but deriving a +priceless value as being the offspring of their gentle skill; a little +picture from their pencil or a trifle from their needle. + +A present should be made with as little parade and ceremony as +possible. If it is a small matter, a gold pencil-case, a thimble to a +lady, or an affair of that sort, it should not be offered formally, +but in an indirect way. + +Emerson says: "Rings and other jewels are not gifts, but apologies for +gifts. The only gift is a portion of thyself. Thou must bleed for me. +Therefore the poet brings his poem; the shepherd, his lamb; the +farmer, his corn; the miner, a gem; the sailor, coral and shells; the +painter, his picture; the girl, a handkerchief of her own sewing." + + +10. _Snobbery._ + +When you hear a man insisting upon points of etiquette and fashion; +wondering, for instance, how people can eat with steel forks and +survive it, or what charms existence has for persons who dine at three +without soup and fish, be sure that that individual is a snob. + + +11. _Children._ + +Show, but do not show off, your children to strangers. Recollect, in +the matter of children, how many are born every hour, each are almost +as remarkable as yours in the eyes of its papa and mamma. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[B] "Colonel Lunettes." + +[C] "Manners Book." + +[D] "Etiquette for Gentlemen." + +[E] "How to Talk: A Pocket Manual of Conversation, Public Speaking, +and Debating." New York. Fowler and Wells. Price 80 cents. + +[F] La Bruyère + +[G] "Etiquette for Gentlemen." + +[H] Chesterfield. + + + + +VII. + +THE ETIQUETTE OF OCCASIONS. + + Great plenty, much formality, small cheer, + And everybody out of his own sphere.--_Byron._ + + +I.--DINNER PARTIES. + +A young man or a young woman, unaccustomed to the settled observances +of such occasions, can hardly pass through a severer ordeal than a +formal dinner. Its terrors, however, are often greatly magnified. Such +a knowledge of the principal points of table etiquette as you may +acquire from this book, complete self-possession, habits of +observation, and a fair share of practical good sense, will carry one +safely if not pleasantly through it. + +You may entertain the opinion that such dinners, and formal parties in +general, are tiresome affairs, and that there might be quite as much +real courtesy and a great deal more enjoyment with less ceremony, and +we may entirely agree with you; but what _is_, and not what _might +be_, is the point to be elucidated. We are to take society as we find +it. You may, as a general rule, decline invitations to dinner parties +without any breach of good manners, and without giving offense, if you +think that neither your enjoyment nor your interests will be promoted +by accepting; or you may not go into what is technically called +"society" at all, and yet you are liable, at a hotel, on board a +steamer, or on some extraordinary occasion, to be placed in a position +in which ignorance of dinner etiquette will be very mortifying and +the information contained in this section be worth a hundred times the +cost of the book. + +We now proceed to note the common routine of a fashionable dinner, as +laid down in books and practiced in polite society. On some points +usage is not uniform, but varies in different countries, and even in +different cities in the same country, as well as in different circles +in the same place. For this reason you must not rely wholly upon this +or any other manners book, but, keeping your eyes open and your wits +about you, _wait and see what others do_, and follow the prevailing +mode. + + +1. _Invitations._ + +Invitations to a dinner are usually issued several days before the +appointed time--the length of time being proportioned to the grandeur +of the occasion. On receiving one, you should answer at once, +addressing the lady of the house. You should either accept or decline +unconditionally, as they will wish to know whom to expect, and make +their preparations accordingly. + + +2. _Dress._ + +You must go to a dinner party in "full dress." Just what this is, is a +question of time and place. Strictly interpreted, it allows gentlemen +but little choice. A black dress coat and trowsers, a black or white +vest and cravat, white gloves, and pumps and silk stockings were +formerly rigorously insisted upon. But the freedom-loving "spirit of +the age" has already made its influence felt even in the realms of +fashion, and a little more latitude is now allowed in most circles. +The "American Gentleman's Guide" enumerates the essentials of a +gentleman's dress for occasions of ceremony in general, as follows: + +"A stylish, well-fitting cloth coat, of some dark color and of +unexceptionable quality, nether garments to correspond, or in warm +weather, or under other suitable circumstances, white pants of a +fashionable material and make, the finest and purest linen, +embroidered in white, if at all; a cravat and vest of some dark or +neutral tint, according to the physiognomical peculiarities of the +wearer and the _prevailing mode_; an entirely fresh-looking, +fashionable black hat, and carefully-fitted modish boots, white +gloves, and a soft, thin, white handkerchief." + +A lady's "full dress" is not easily defined, and fashion allows her +greater scope for the exercise of her taste in the selection of +materials, the choice of colors, and the style of making. Still, she +must "be in the fashion." + + +3. _Punctuality._ + +Never allow yourself to be a minute behind the time. The dinner can +not be served till all the guests have arrived. If it is spoiled +through your tardiness, you are responsible not only to your inviter, +but to his outraged guests. Better be too late for the steamer or the +railway train than for a dinner! + + +4. _Going to the Table._ + +When dinner is announced, the host rises and requests all to walk to +the dining-room, to which he leads the way, having given his arm to +the lady who, from age or any other consideration, is entitled to +precedence. Each gentleman offers his arm to a lady, and all follow in +order. If you are not the principal guest, you must be careful not to +offer your arm to the handsomest or most distinguished lady. + + +5. _Arrangement of Guests._ + +Where rank or social position are regarded (and where are they not to +some extent?), the two most distinguished gentlemen are placed next +the mistress of the house, and the two most distinguished ladies next +the master of the house. The right hand is especially the place of +honor. If it is offered to you, you should not refuse it. + +It is one of the first and most difficult things properly to arrange +the guests, and to place them in such a manner that the conversation +may always be general during the entertainment. If the number of +gentlemen is nearly equal to that of the ladies, we should take care +to intermingle them. We should separate husbands from their wives, and +remove near relations as far from one another as possible, because +being always together they ought not to converse among themselves in a +general party. + + +6. _Duties of the Host._ + +To perform faultlessly the honors of the table is one of the most +difficult things in society; it might indeed be asserted, without much +fear of contradiction, that no man has as yet ever reached exact +propriety in his office as host. When he receives others, he must be +content to forget himself; he must relinquish all desire to shine, and +even all attempts to please his guests by conversation, and rather do +all in his power to let them please one another. + +Help ladies with a due appreciation of their delicacy, moderation, and +fastidiousness of their appetites; and do not overload the plate of +any person you serve. Never pour gravy on a plate without permission. +It spoils the meat for some persons. + +Do not insist upon your guests partaking of particular dishes; never +ask persons more than once, and never put anything by force upon their +plates. It is extremely ill-bred, though extremely common, to press +one to eat of anything. + +The host should never recommend or eulogize any particular dish; his +guests will take it for granted that anything found at his table is +excellent. + +The most important maxim in hospitality is to leave every one to his +own choice and enjoyment, and to free him _from an ever-present sense +of being entertained_. You should never send away your own plate until +all your guests have finished. + + +7. _Duties of the Guests._ + +Gentlemen must be assiduous but not officious in their attentions to +the ladies. See that they lack nothing, but do not seem to watch them. + +If a "grace" is to be asked, treat the observance with respect. Good +manners require this, even if veneration fails to suggest it. + +Soup will come first. _You must not decline it_; because nothing else +can be served till the first course is finished, and to sit with +nothing before you would be awkward. But you may eat as little of it +as you choose. The host serves his left-hand neighbor first, then his +right hand, and so on till all are served. Take whatever is given you, +and do _not_ offer it to your neighbor; and begin at once to eat. You +must not suck soup into your month, blow it, or send for a second +plate. The second course is fish, which is to be eaten with a fork, +and without vegetables. The last part of this injunction does not, of +course, apply to informal dinners, where fish is the principal dish. +Fish, like soup, is served but once. When you have eaten what you +wish, you lay your fork on your plate, and the waiter removes it. The +third course brings the principal dishes--roast and boiled meats, +fowl, etc., which are followed by game. There are also side dishes of +various kinds. At dessert, help the ladies near you to whatever they +may require. Serve strawberries with a spoon, but pass cherries, +grapes, or peaches for each to help himself with his fingers. You need +not volunteer to pare an apple or a peach for a lady, but should do +so, of course, at her request, using her fork or some other than your +own to hold it. + +We have said in our remarks on table manners in general, in a previous +chapter, that in sending your plate for anything, you should leave +your knife and fork upon it. For this injunction we have the authority +of most of the books on etiquette, as well as of general usage. There +seems also to be a reason for the custom in the fact, that to hold +them in your hand would be awkward, and to lay them on the table-cloth +might soil it; but the author of the "American Gentleman's Guide," +whose acquaintance with the best usage is not to be questioned, says +that they should be retained, and either kept together in the hand, or +rested upon your bread, to avoid soiling the cloth. + +Eat deliberately and decorously (there can be no harm in repeating +this precept), masticate your food thoroughly, and _beware of drinking +too much ice-water_. + +If your host is not a "temperance man," that is, one pledged to total +abstinence, wine will probably be drunk. You can of course decline, +but you must do so courteously, and without any reflection upon those +who drink. You are not invited to deliver a temperance lecture. + +Where finger-glasses are used, dip the tips of your fingers in the +water and wipe them on your napkin; and wet a corner of the napkin and +wipe your mouth. Snobs sometimes wear gloves at table. It is not +necessary that you should imitate them. + +The French fashion of having the principal dishes carved on a +side-table, and served by attendants, is now very generally adopted at +ceremonious dinners in this country, but few gentlemen who go into +company at all can safely count upon never being called upon to carve, +and the _art_ is well worth acquiring. Ignorance of it sometimes +places one in an awkward position. You will find directions on this +subject in almost any cook-book; you will learn more, however, by +watching an accomplished carver than in any other way. + +Do not allow yourself to be too much engrossed in attending to the +wants of the stomach, to join in the cheerful interchange of +civilities and thoughts with those near you. + +We must leave a hundred little things connected with a dinner party +unmentioned; but what we have said here, together with the general +canons of eating laid down in Chapter VI. (Section 7, "Table +Manners"), and a little observation, will soon make you a proficient +in the etiquette of these occasions, in which, if you will take our +advice, you will not participate very frequently. An _informal_ +dinner, at which you meet two or three friends, and find more cheer +and less ceremony, is much to be preferred. + + +II.--EVENING PARTIES. + +Evening parties are of various kinds, and more or less ceremonious, as +they are more or less fashionable. Their object is or should be social +enjoyment, and the manners of the company ought to be such as will +best promote it. A few hints, therefore, in addition to the general +maxims of good behavior already laid down, will suffice. + + +1. _Invitations._ + +Having accepted an invitation to a party, never fail to keep your +promise, and especially do not allow bad weather, of any ordinary +character, to prevent your attendance. A married man should never +accept an invitation from a lady in which his wife is not included. + + +2. _Salutations._ + +When you enter a drawing-room where there is a party, you salute the +lady of the house before speaking to any one else. Even your most +intimate friends are enveloped in an opake atmosphere until you have +made your bow to your entertainer.[I] You then mix with the company, +salute your acquaintances, and join in the conversation. You may +converse freely with any person you meet on such an occasion, without +the formality of an introduction. + + +3. _Conversation._ + +When conversation is not general, nor the subject sufficiently +interesting to occupy the whole company, they break up into different +groups. Each one converses with one or more of his neighbors on his +right and left. We should, if we wish to speak to any one, avoid +leaning upon the person who happens to be between. A gentleman ought +not to lean upon the arm of a lady's chair, but he may, if standing, +support himself by the back of it, in order to converse with the lady +partly turned toward him.[J] + +The members of an invited family should never be seen conversing one +with another at a party. + + +4. _French Leave._ + +If you desire to withdraw before the party breaks up, take "French +leave"--that is, go quietly out without disturbing any one, and +without saluting even the mistress of the house, unless you can do so +without attracting attention. The contrary course would interrupt the +rest of the company, and call for otherwise unnecessary explanations +and ceremony. + + +5. _Sports and Games._ + +Among young people, and particularly in the country, a variety of +sports or plays, as they are called, are in vogue. Some of them are +fitting only for children; but others are more intellectual, and may +be made sources of improvement as well as of amusement. + +Entering into the spirit of these sports, we throw off some of the +restraints of a more formal intercourse; but they furnish no excuse +for rudeness. You must not forget your politeness in your hilarity, or +allow yourself to "take liberties," or lose your sense of delicacy and +propriety. + +The selection of the games or sports belongs to the ladies, though any +person may modestly propose any amusement, and ask the opinion of +others in reference to it. The person who gives the party will +exercise her prerogative to vary the play, that the interest may be +kept up. + +If this were the proper place, we should enter an earnest protest +against the promiscuous kissing which sometimes forms part of the +performances in some of these games, but it is not our office to +proscribe or introduce observances, but to regulate them. No true +gentleman will _abuse_ the freedom which the laws of the game allows; +but if required, will delicately kiss the hand, the forehead, or, at +most, the cheek of the lady. A lady will offer her lips to be kissed +only to a lover or a husband, and not to him in company. The French +code is a good one: "Give your hand to a gentleman to kiss, your cheek +to a friend, but keep your lips for your lover." + +Never prescribe any forfeiture which can wound the feelings of any of +the company, and "pay" those which may be adjudged to you with +cheerful promptness. + + +6. _Dancing._ + +An evening party is often only another name for a ball. We may have as +many and as weighty objections to dancing, as conducted at these +fashionable parties, as to the formal dinners and rich and late +suppers which are in vogue in the same circles, but this is not the +place to discuss the merits of the quadrille or the waltz, but to lay +down the etiquette of the occasions on which they are practiced. We +condense from the various authorities before us the following code: + +1. According to the hours now in fashion in our large cities, ten +o'clock is quite early enough to present yourself at a dance. You will +even then find many coming after you. In the country, you should go +earlier. + +2. Draw on your gloves (white or yellow) in the dressing-room, and do +not be for one moment with them off in the dancing-rooms. At supper +take them off; nothing is more preposterous than to eat in gloves. + +3. When you are sure of a place in the dance, you go up to a lady and +ask her if she will _do you the honor_ to dance with you. If she +answers that she is engaged, merely request her to name the earliest +dance for which she is not engaged, and when she will do you the honor +of dancing with you. + +4. If a gentleman offers to dance with a lady, she should not refuse, +unless for some _particular_ and _valid_ reason, in which case she +can accept the next offer. But if she has no further objection than a +temporary dislike or a piece of coquetry, it is a direct insult to him +to refuse him and accept the next offer; besides, it shows too marked +a preference for the latter. + +5. When a woman is standing in a quadrille, though not engaged in +dancing, a man not acquainted with her partner should not converse +with her. + +6. When an unpracticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprize him of +his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him +a lesson. + +7. Unless a man has a very graceful figure, and can use it with great +elegance, it is better for him to _walk_ through the quadrilles, or +invent some gliding movement for the occasion. + +8. At the end of the dance, the gentleman re-conducts the lady to her +place, bows, and thanks her for the honor which she has conferred. She +also bows in silence. + +9. The master of the house should see that all the ladies dance. He +should take notice particularly of those who seem to serve as +_drapery_ to the walls of the ball-room (or _wall flowers_, as the +familiar expression is), and should see that they are invited to +dance. + +10. Ladies who dance much should be very careful not to boast before +those who dance but little or not at all, of the great number of +dances for which they are engaged in advance. They should also, +without being perceived, recommend these less fortunate ladies to +gentlemen of their acquaintance. + +11. For any of the members, either sons or daughters, of the family at +whose house the ball is given, to dance frequently or constantly, +denotes decided ill-breeding; the ladies should not occupy those +places in a quadrille which others may wish to fill, and they should, +moreover, be at leisure to attend to the rest of the company; and the +gentlemen should be entertaining the married women and those who do +not dance. + +12. Never hazard taking part in a quadrille, unless you know how to +dance tolerably; for if you are a novice, or but little skilled, you +would bring disorder into the midst of pleasure. + +13. If you accompany your wife to a dance, be careful not to dance +with her, except perhaps the first set. + +14. When that long and anxiously desiderated hour, the hour of supper, +has arrived, you hand the lady you attend up or down to the +supper-table. You remain with her while she is at the table, seeing +that she has all that she desires, and then conduct her back to the +dancing-rooms. + +15. A gentleman attending a lady should invariably dance the first set +with her, and may afterward introduce her to a friend for the purpose +of dancing. + +16. Ball-room introductions cease with the object--viz.: dancing; nor +subsequently anywhere else can a gentleman approach the lady by +salutation or in any other mode without a re-introduction of a formal +character. + +This code must be understood as applying in full only to fashionable +dancing parties in the city, though most of the rules should be +adhered to in any place. The good sense of the reader will enable him +to modify them to suit any particular occasion. + + +III.--ANNUAL FESTIVALS. + + +1. _Christmas._ + +At Christmas people give parties and make presents. In Europe, and in +some portions of our own country, it is the most important festive +occasion in the year. Beyond the religious observances of the +Catholics, Episcopalians, and some other sects, and the universal +custom of making presents to all our relatives and intimate friends, +and especially to the children, there is no matter of etiquette +peculiar to Christmas which it is necessary for us to note. We have +already spoken of presents; and religious ceremonies will find a place +in another chapter. + + +2. _The New Year._ + +In New York, and some other cities and towns which have adopted its +customs, every gentleman is expected to call on all his lady +acquaintances on New Year's day; and each lady on her part must be +prepared properly to do the honors of her house. Refreshments are +usually provided in great profusion. The etiquette of these occasions +does not differ materially from that of ceremonious morning calls, +except that the entire day is devoted to them, and they may be +extended beyond the limits of one's ordinary visiting list. The ladies +may make their calls on the next day, or any time within the week. + + +3. _Thanksgiving._ + +This is the great family festival of New England--the season of home +gatherings. Sons and daughters, scattered far and wide, then turn +instinctively toward the old homestead, and the fireside of their +childhood is again made glad by their presence and that of their +little ones. Etiquette requires fat turkeys, well roasted, a plenty of +_pumpkin pies_, unbounded hospitality, genuine friendliness, and +cheerful and thankful hearts. + + +4. _Birthdays._ + +Birthdays are sometimes made family festivals at which parties are +given, and presents made to the one whose anniversary is celebrated. +In France, these occasions are observed with great merry making and +many felicitations and gifts. + + +IV.--EXCURSIONS AND PICNICS. + +Picnic excursions into the country are not occasions of ceremony, but +call for the exercise of all one's real good nature and good breeding. +On leaving the carriage, cars, or steamboat, gentlemen should of +course relieve the ladies they attend of the shawls, baskets, etc., +with which they may have provided themselves, and give them all +necessary assistance in reaching the spot selected for the +festivities. It is also their duty and their happiness to accompany +them in their rambles, when it is the pleasure of the fair ones to +require their attendance, but _not_ to be _obtrusive_. They may +sometimes wish to be alone. + +If a lady chooses to seat herself upon the ground, you are not at +liberty to follow her example unless she invites you to be seated. She +must not have occasion to think of the possibility of any impropriety +on your part. You are her servant, protector, and guard of honor. You +will of course give her your hand to assist her in rising. When the +sylvan repast is served, you will see that the ladies whose cavalier +you have the honor to be, lack nothing. The ladies, social queens +though they be, should not forget that every favor or act of courtesy +and deference, by whoever shown, demands some acknowledgment on their +part--a word, a bow, a smile, or at least a kind look. + + +V.--WEDDINGS. + +We copy from one of the numerous manners books before us the following +condensed account of the usual ceremonies of a formal wedding. A +simpler, less ceremonious, and more private mode of giving legal +sanction to an already existing union of hearts would be more to _our_ +taste; but, as the French proverb has it, _Chacun à son goût_.[K] + +For a stylish wedding, the lady requires a bridegroom, two +bridesmaids, two groomsmen, and a parson or magistrate, her relatives +and whatever friends of both parties they may choose to invite. For a +formal wedding in the evening, a week's notice is requisite. The lady +fixes the day. Her mother or nearest female relation invites the +guests. The evening hour is 8 o'clock; but if the ceremony is private, +and the happy couple to start immediately and alone, the ceremony +usually takes place in the morning at eleven or twelve o'clock. + +If there is an evening party, the refreshments must be as usual on +such occasions, with the addition of wedding cake, commonly a pound +cake with rich frosting, and a fruit cake. + +The dress of the bride is of the purest white; her head is commonly +dressed with orange flowers, natural or artificial, and white roses. +She wears few ornaments, and none but such as are given her for the +occasion. A white lace vail is often worn on the head. White long +gloves and white satin slippers complete the costume. + +The dress of the bridegroom is simply the full dress of a gentleman, +of unusual richness and elegance. + +The bridesmaids are dressed also in white, but more simply than the +bride. + +At the hour appointed for the ceremony, the second bridesmaid and +groomsman, when there are two, enter the room; then, first bridesmaid +and groomsman; and lastly the bride and bridegroom. They enter, the +ladies taking the arms of the gentlemen, and take seats appointed, so +that the bride is at the right of the bridegroom, and each supported +by their respective attendants. + +A chair is then placed for the clergyman or magistrate in front of the +happy pair. When he comes forward to perform the ceremony, the bridal +party rises. The first bridesmaid, at the proper time, removes the +glove from the left hand of the bride; or, what seems to us more +proper, both bride and bridegroom have their gloves removed at the +beginning of the ceremony. In joining hands they take each other's +right hand, the bride and groom partially turning toward each other. +The wedding ring, of plain fine gold, provided beforehand by the +groom, is sometimes given to the clergyman, who presents it. It is +placed upon the third finger of the left hand. + +When the ceremony is ended, and the twain are pronounced one flesh, +the company present their congratulations--the clergyman first, then +the mother, the father of the bride, and the relations; then the +company, the groomsmen acting as masters of ceremonies, bringing +forward and introducing the ladies, who wish the happy couple joy, +happiness, prosperity; but not exactly "many happy returns." + +The bridegroom takes an early occasion to thank the clergyman, and to +put in his hand, at the same time, nicely enveloped, a piece of gold, +according to his ability and generosity. The gentleman who dropped two +half dollars into the minister's hands, as they were held out, in the +prayer, was a little confused by the occasion. + +When a dance follows the ceremony and congratulations, the bride +dances, first, with the first groomsman, taking the head of the room +and the quadrille, and the bridegroom with the first bridesmaid; +afterwards as they please. The party breaks up early--certainly by +twelve o'clock.[L] + +The cards of the newly married couple are sent to those only whose +acquaintance they wish to continue. No offense should be taken by +those whom they may choose to exclude. Send your card, therefore, with +the lady's, to all whom you desire to include in the circle of your +future acquaintances. The lady's card will have engraved upon it, +below her name, "At home, ---- evening, at--o'clock." They should be +sent a week previous to the evening indicated. + + +VI.--FUNERALS. + +When any member of a family is dead, it is customary to send +intelligence of the misfortune to all who have been connected with the +deceased in relations of business or friendship. The letters which are +sent contain a special invitation to assist at the funeral. Such a +letter requires no answer. + +At an interment or funeral service, the members of the family are +entitled to the first places. They are nearest to the coffin, whether +in the procession or in the church. The nearest relations go in a full +mourning dress. + +We are excused from accompanying the body to the burying-ground, +unless the deceased be a relation or an intimate friend. If we go as +far as the burying-ground, we should give the first carriage to the +relations or most intimate friends of the deceased. We should walk +with the head uncovered, silently, and with such a mien as the +occasion naturally suggests. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[I] "Etiquette for Gentlemen." + +[J] Madame Celnart + +[K] Each one to his taste. + +[L] "Manners Book." + + + + +VIII. + +THE ETIQUETTE OF PLACES. + + To ladies always yield your seat, + And lift your hat upon the street.--_Uncle Dan._ + + +I.--ON THE STREET. + +Nowhere has a man or a woman occasion more frequently to exercise the +virtue of courtesy than on the street; and in no place is the +distinction between the polite and the vulgar more marked. The +following are some of the rules of street etiquette: + +Except in a case of necessity, you should not stop a business man on +the street during business hours. He may have appointments, and, in +any event, his time is precious. If you must speak with him, walk on +in his direction, or if you detain him, state your errand briefly, and +politely apologize for the detention. + +Do not allow yourself to be so absent-minded or absorbed in your +business as not to recognize and salute your acquaintances on the +street. You must not make the pressure of your affairs an excuse for +rudeness. If you do not intend to stop, on meeting a friend, touch +your hat, say "Good-morning," or "I hope you are well," and pass on. +If you stop, you may offer a gloved hand, if necessary, without +apology. Waiting to draw off a tight glove is awkward. In stopping to +talk on the street, you should step aside from the human current. If +you are compelled to detain a friend, when he is walking with a +stranger, apologize to the stranger and release your friend as soon as +possible. The stranger will withdraw, in order not to hear your +conversation. Never leave a friend suddenly on the street, either to +join another or for any other reason, without a brief apology. + +In walking with gentlemen who are your superiors in age or station, +give them the place of honor, by taking yourself the outer side of the +pavement. + +When you meet a lady with whom you are acquainted, you should lift +your hat, as you bow to her; but unless you are intimate friends, it +is the lady's duty to give some sign of recognition first, as she +might _possibly_ choose to "cut" you, and thus place you in a very +awkward position; but unless you have forfeited all claims to respect, +she certainly _should_ not do such a thing. + +In meeting a gentleman whom you know, walking with a lady with whom +you are not acquainted, you are to bow with grave respect to her +also.[M] If you are acquainted with both, you bow first to the lady, +and then, less profoundly, to the gentleman. + +If your glove be dark colored, or your hand ungloved, do not offer to +shake hands with a lady in full dress. If you wish to speak with a +lady whom you meet on the street, turn and walk with her; but you +should not accompany her far, except at her request, and should always +lift your hat and bow upon withdrawing. + +Be careful to avoid intrusion everywhere; and for this reason be very +sure that such an addition to their party would be perfectly agreeable +before you join a lady and gentleman who may be walking together; +otherwise you might find yourself in the position of an "awkward +third." + +In walking with ladies on the street, gentlemen will of course treat +them with the most scrupulous _politeness_. This requires that you +place yourself in that relative position in which you can best shield +them from danger or inconvenience. You generally give them the wall +side, but circumstances may require you to reverse this position. + +You must offer your arm to a lady with whom you are walking whenever +her safety, comfort, or convenience may seem to require such attention +on your part. At night, in taking a long walk in the country, or in +ascending the steps of a public building, your arm should always be +tendered. + +In walking with ladies or elderly people, a gentleman must not forget +to accommodate his speed to theirs. In walking with _any_ person you +should _keep step_ with military precision. + +If a lady with whom you are walking receives the salute of a person +who is a stranger to you, you should return it, not for yourself, but +for her. + +When a lady whom you accompany wishes to enter a shop, or _store_ (if +we must use an Americanism to explain a good English word), you should +hold the door open and allow her to enter first, if practicable; for +you must never pass before a lady anywhere, if you can avoid it, or +without an apology. + +If a lady addresses an inquiry to a gentleman on the street, he will +lift his hat, or at least touch it respectfully, as he replies. If he +can not give the information required, he will express his regrets. + +"When tripping over the pavement," Madame Celnart says, "a lady should +gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle. With her right +hand she should hold together the folds of her gown and draw them +toward the right side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both +hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can be tolerated only for a +moment, when the mud is very deep." This was written in Paris, and not +in New York. + +American ladies dress too richly and elaborately for the street. You +should dress well--neatly and in good taste, and in material adapted +to the season; but the full costume, suitable to the carriage or the +drawing-room, is entirely out of place in a shopping excursion, and +does not indicate a refined taste; in other words, it looks +_snobbish_. + +The out-door costume of ladies is not complete without a shawl or a +mantle. Shawls are difficult to wear gracefully, and few American +ladies wear them well. You should not drag a shawl tight to your +shoulders, and stick out your elbows, but fold it loosely and +gracefully, so that it may fully envelop the figure. + + +II.--SHOPPING. + +Madame Celnart has the following hints to the ladies on this important +subject. Having enjoined the most patient and forbearing courtesy on +the part of the shopkeeper,[N] she proceeds: + +"Every civility ought to be reciprocal, or nearly so. If the officious +politeness of the shopkeeper does not require an equal return, he has +at least a claim to civil treatment; and, finally, if this politeness +proceed from interest, is this a reason why purchasers should add to +the unpleasantness of his profession, and disregard violating the +laws of politeness? Many very respectable people allow themselves so +many infractions in this particular, that I think it my duty to dwell +upon it. + +"You should never say, _I want such a thing_, but _Show me, if you +please, that article_, or use some other polite form of address. If +they do not show you at first the articles you desire, and you are +obliged to examine a great number, apologize to the shopkeeper for the +trouble you give him. If after all you can not suit yourself, renew +your apologies when you go away. + +"If you make small purchases, say, _I am sorry for having troubled you +for so trifling a thing_. If you spend a considerable time in the +selection of articles, apologize to the shopkeeper who waits for you +to decide. + +"If the price seems to you too high, and the shop has not fixed +prices, ask an abatement in brief and civil terms, and without ever +appearing to suspect the good faith of the shopkeeper. If he does not +yield, do not enter into a contest with him, but go away, after +telling him politely that you think you can obtain the article cheaper +elsewhere, but if not, that you will give him the preference." + + +III.--AT CHURCH. + +If you go to church, be in season, that you may not interrupt the +congregation by entering after the services have commenced. The +celebrated Mrs. Chapone said that it was a part of her religion not to +disturb the religion of others. We may all adopt with profit that +article of her creed. Always remove your hat on entering a church. If +you attend ladies, you open the door of the slip for them, allowing +them to enter first. Your demeanor should of course be such as becomes +the place and occasion. If you are so unfortunate as to have no +religious feelings yourself, you must respect those of others. + +It is the custom in some places for gentlemen who may be already in a +slip or pew to deploy into the aisle, on the arrival of a lady who may +desire admittance, allow her to enter, and then resume their seats. +This is a very awkward and annoying maneuver. + +You should pay due respect to the observances of the church you +attend. If you have conscientious scruples against kneeling in an +Episcopal or Catholic church, you should be a little more +conscientious, and stay away. + +Good manners do not require young gentlemen to stand about the door of +a church to see the ladies come out; and the ladies will excuse the +omission of this mark of admiration. + + +IV.--AT PLACES OF AMUSEMENT. + +Gentlemen who attend ladies to the opera, to concerts, to lectures, +etc., should endeavor to go early in order to secure good seats, +unless, indeed, they have been previously secured, and to avoid the +disagreeable crowd which they are liable to encounter if they go a +little later. + +Gentlemen _should_ take off their hats on entering _any_ public room +(or dwelling either). They will, of course, do so if attending ladies, +on showing them their seats. Having taken your seats, remain quietly +in them, and avoid, unless absolute necessity require it, incommoding +others by crowding out and in before them. If obliged to do this, +politely apologize for the trouble you cause them. + +To talk during the performance is an act of rudeness and injustice. +You thus proclaim your own ill-breeding and invade the rights of +others, who have paid for the privilege of hearing the performers, and +not for listening to you. + +If you are in attendance upon a lady at any opera, concert, or +lecture, you should retain your seat at her side; but if you have no +lady with you, and have taken a desirable seat, you should, if need +be, cheerfully relinquish it in favor of a lady, for one less +eligible. + +Be careful to secure your _libretto_ or opera book, concert bill or +programme, before taking your seat. + +To the opera, ladies should wear opera hoods, which are to be taken +off on entering. In this country, custom _permits_ the wearing of +bonnets; but as they are (in our opinion) neither comfortable nor +beautiful, we advise the ladies to dispense with their use whenever +they can. + +Gloves should be worn by ladies in church, and in places of public +amusement. Do not take them off to shake hands. Great care should be +taken that they are well made and fit neatly. + + +V.--IN A PICTURE GALLERY. + +A gallery of paintings or sculpture is a temple of Art, and he is +little better than a barbarian who can enter it without a feeling of +reverence for the presiding divinity of the place. Loud talking, +laughing, pushing before others who are examining a picture or statue, +moving seats noisily, or any rude or discourteous conduct, seems like +profanation in such a place. Avoid them by all means, we entreat you; +and though you wear your hat everywhere else, reverently remove it +here. + + +VI.--THE PRESENCE. + +"The mode in which respect to the presence of a human being should be +shown maybe left to custom. In the East, men take off their shoes +before entering an apartment. We take off the hat, and add a verbal +salutation. The mode is unimportant; it may vary with the humor of the +moment; it may change with the changing fashion; but no one who +respects himself, and has a proper regard for others, will omit to +give _some_ sign that he recognizes an essential difference between a +horse and a man, between a stable and a house."[O] + + +VII.--TRAVELING. + +Under no circumstances is courtesy more urgently demanded, or rudeness +more frequently displayed, than in traveling. The infelicities and +vexations which so often attend a journey seem to call out all the +latent selfishness of one's nature; and the commonest observances of +politeness are, we are sorry to say, sometimes neglected. In the +scramble for tickets, for seats, for state-rooms, or for places at a +public table, good manners are too frequently elbowed aside and +trampled under foot. Even our national deference for women is +occasionally lost sight of in our headlong rush for the railway cars +or the steamer. + +To avoid the scramble we have alluded to, purchase tickets and secure +state-rooms in advance, if practicable, especially if you are +accompanied by ladies, and, in any event, _be in good time_. + +In the cars or stage-coach never allow considerations of personal +comfort or convenience to cause you to disregard for a moment the +rights of your fellow-travelers, or forget the respectful courtesy +due to woman. The pleasantest or most comfortable seats belong to the +ladies, and no gentleman will refuse to resign such seats to them with +a cheerful politeness. In a stage-coach you give them the back seat, +unless they prefer another and take an outside seat yourself, if their +convenience requires it. But a word to--_Americans_ will be enough on +this point. + +And what do good manners require of the ladies? That which is but a +little thing to the bestower, but of priceless value to the +receiver--_thanks_--a smile--a grateful look at least. Is this too +much? + +Mr. Arbiter, whom we find quoted in a newspaper, has some rather +severe strictures on the conduct of American ladies. He says: + +"We boast of our politeness as a nation, and point out to foreigners, +with pride, the alacrity with which Americans make way for women in +all public places. Some love to call this chivalry. It is certainly an +amiable trait of character, though frequently carried to an absurd +extent. But what the men possess in this form of politeness the women +appear to have lost. They never think of acknowledging, in any way, +the kindness of the gentleman who gives up his seat, but settle +themselves triumphantly in their new places, as if they were entitled +to them by divine right." + +We are compelled to admit that there is at least an appearance of +truth in this charge. We have had constant opportunities to observe +the behavior of ladies in omnibuses and on board the crowded +ferry-boats which ply between some of our large cities and their +suburbs. We have, of course (as what gentleman has not?), relinquished +our seats hundreds of times to ladies. _For the occasional bow or +smile of acknowledgment, or_ _pleasant "Thank you," which we have +received in return, we have almost invariably been indebted to some +fair foreigner._ + +We believe that American ladies are as polite _at heart_ as those of +any other nation, but _they do not say it_. + +The fair readers of our little book will, we are sure, excuse us for +these hints, since they are dictated by the truest and most reverent +love for their sex, and a sincere desire to serve them. + +If in traveling you are thrown into the company of an invalid, or an +aged person, or a woman with children and without a male protector, +feelings of humanity, as well as sentiments of politeness, will +dictate such kind attentions as, without being obtrusive, you can find +occasion to bestow. + +You have no right to keep a window open for your accommodation, if the +current of air thus produced annoy or endanger the health of another. +There are a sufficient number of discomforts in traveling, at best, +and it should be the aim of each passenger to lessen them as much as +possible, and to cheerfully bear his own part. Life is a journey, and +we are all fellow-travelers. + +If in riding in an omnibus, or crossing a ferry with a friend, he +wishes to pay for you, never insist on paying for yourself or for +both. If he is before you, let the matter pass without remark, and +return the compliment on another occasion. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[M] "Colonel Lunettes" + +[N] For hints on the importance of politeness as an element of success +in business, see "How to Do Business." + +[O] James Parton. + + + + +IX. + +LOVE AND COURTSHIP. + + Learn to win a lady's faith + Nobly, as the thing is high; + Bravely, as for life and death, + With a loyal gravity. + Lead her from the festive boards; + Point her to the starry skies; + Guard her by your truthful words + Pure from courtship's flatteries.--_Mrs. Browning._ + + +I.--A HINT OR TWO. + +To treat the subject of love and courtship in all its bearings would +require a volume. It is with the etiquette of the tender passion that +we have to do here. A few preliminary hints, however, will not be +deemed out of place. + +Boys often fall in love (and girls too, we believe) at a very tender +age. Some charming cousin, or a classmate of his sister, in the +village school, weaves silken meshes around the throbbing heart of the +young man in his teens. This is well. He is made better and happier by +his boyish loves--for he generally has a succession of them, but they +are seldom permanent. They are only beautiful foreshadowings of the +deeper and more earnest love of manhood, which is to bind him to his +_other self_ with ties which only death can sever. Read Ik Marvel's +"Dream Life." + +Before a young man has reached the proper age to marry--say +twenty-five, as an average--he ought to have acquired such a knowledge +of himself, physically and mentally considered, and of the principles +which ought to decide the choice of matrimonial partners and govern +the relations of the sexes, as will enable him to set up a proper +standard of female excellence, and to determine what qualities, +physical and mental, should characterize the woman who is to be the +angel of his home and the mother of his children. With this knowledge +he is prepared to go into society and choose his mate, following +trustingly the attractions of his soul. Love is an affair of the +heart, but the head should be its privy counselor. + +Do not make up your mind to wait till you have acquired a fortune +before you marry. You should not, however, assume the responsibilities +of a family without a reasonable prospect of being able to maintain +one. If you are established in business, or have an adequate income +for the immediate requirements of the new relation, you may safely +trust your own energy and self-reliance for the rest. + +Women reach maturity earlier than men, and may marry earlier--say (as +an average age), at twenty. The injunction, "Know thyself," applies +with as much emphasis to a woman as to a man. Her perceptions are +keener than ours, and her sensibilities finer, and she may trust more +to _instinct_, but she should add to these natural qualifications a +thorough knowledge of her own physical and mental constitution, and of +whatever relates to the requirements of her destiny as wife and +mother. The importance of sound _health_ and _a perfect development_, +can not be overrated. _Without these you are_ NEVER _fit to marry_.[P] + +Having satisfied yourself that you really love a woman--be careful, as +you value your future happiness and hers, not to make a _mistake_ in +this matter--you will find occasion to manifest, in a thousand ways, +your preference, by means of those tender but delicate and +deferential attentions which love always prompts. "Let the heart +speak." The heart you address will understand its language. Be +earnest, sincere, self-loyal, and manly in this matter above all +others. Let there be no nauseous flattery and no sickly sentimentality +Leave the former to fops and the latter to beardless school-boys. + +Though women do not "propose"--that is, as a general rule--they "make +love" to the men none the less; and it is right. The divine attraction +is mutual, and should have its proper expression on both sides. If you +are attracted toward a man who seems to you an embodiment of all that +is noble and manly, you do injustice both to him and yourself if you +do not, in some way entirely consistent with maiden modesty, allow him +to _see_ and _feel_ that he pleases you. But _you_ do not need our +instructions, and we will only hint, in conclusion, that forwardness, +flirting, and a too _obtrusive_ manifestation of preference are _not_ +agreeable to men of sense. As a man should be _manly_, so should a +woman be _womanly_ in her love. + + +II.--OBSERVANCES. + + +1. _Particular Attentions._ + +Avoid even the slightest appearance of _trifling_ with the feelings of +a woman. A female coquette is bad enough. A male coquette ought to be +banished from society. Let there be a clearly perceived, if not an +easily defined, distinction between the attentions of common courtesy +or of friendship and those of love. All misunderstanding on this point +can and must be avoided. + +The particular attentions you pay to the object of your devotion +should not make you rude or uncivil to other women. Every woman is +_her_ sister, and should be treated with becoming respect and +attention. Your special attentions to her in society should not be +such as to make her or you the subject of ridicule. Make no public +exhibition of your endearments. + + +2. _Presents._ + +If you make presents, let them be selected with good taste, and of +such cost as is fully warranted by your means. Your mistress will not +love you better for any extravagance in this matter. The value of a +gift is not to be estimated in dollars and cents. A lady of good sense +and delicacy will discourage in her lover all needless expenditure in +ministering to her gratification, or in proof of his devotion. + + +3. _Confidants._ + +Lovers usually feel a certain need of confidants in their affairs of +the heart. In general, they should be of the opposite sex. A young man +may with profit open his heart to his mother, an elder sister, or a +female friend considerably older than himself. The young lady may with +equal advantage make a brother, an uncle, or some good middle-aged +married man the repository of her love secrets, her hopes, and her +fears. + + +4. _Declarations._ + +We shall make no attempt to prescribe a form for "popping the +question." Each must do it in his own way; but let it be clearly +understood and admit no evasion. A single word--yes, less than that, +on the lady's part, will suffice to answer it. If the carefully +studied phrases which you have repeated so many times and so fluently +to yourself, will persist in sticking in your throat and choking you, +put them correctly and neatly on a sheet of the finest white note +paper, inclosed in a fine but plain white envelope (see "How to +Write"), seal it handsomely with _wax_, address and direct it +carefully, and find some way to convey it to her hand. The lady's +answer should be frank and unequivocal, revealing briefly and modestly +her real feelings and consequent decision. + + +5. _Asking "Pa."_ + +Asking the consent of parents or guardians is, in this country, where +women claim a right to choose for themselves, a mere form, and may +often be dispensed with. The lady's wishes, however, should be +complied with in this as in all other matters. And if consent is +refused? This will rarely happen. If it does, there is a remedy, and +we should have a poor opinion of the love or the spirit of the woman +who would hesitate to apply it. If she is of age, she has a legal as +well as a moral right to bestow her love and her hand upon whom she +pleases. If she does not love you well enough to do this, _at any +sacrifice_, you should consider the refusal of her friends a very +fortunate occurrence. If she is not of age, the legal aspect of the +affair may be different, but, at worst, she can wait until her +majority puts her in possession of all her rights. + + +6. _Refusals._ + +If a lady finds it necessary to say "no" to a proposal, she should do +it in the kindest and most considerate manner, so as not to inflict +unnecessary pain; but her answer should be definite and decisive, and +the gentleman should at once withdraw his suit. If ladies will my "no" +when they mean "yes," to a sincere and earnest suitor, they must +suffer the consequences. + + +7. _Engagement._ + +The "engaged" need not take particular pains to proclaim the nature of +the relation in which they stand to each other, neither should they +attempt or desire to conceal it. Their intercourse with each other +should be frank and confiding, but prudent, and their conduct in +reference to other persons of the opposite sex, such as will not give +occasion for a single pang of jealousy. + +Of the "getting ready," which follows the engagement, on the part of +the lady, our fair readers know a great deal more than we could tell +them. + + +8. _Breaking Off._ + +Engagements made in accordance with the simple and brief directions +contained in the first section of this chapter, will seldom be broken +off. If such a painful _necessity_ occurs, let it be met with +firmness, but with delicacy. If you have made a _mistake_, it is +infinitely better to correct it at the last moment than not at all. A +_marriage_ is not so easily "broken off." + +On breaking off an engagement, all letters, presents, etc., should be +returned, and both parties should consider themselves pledged to the +most honorable and delicate conduct in reference to the whole matter, +and to the private affairs of each other, a knowledge of which their +former relation may have put into their possession. + + +9. _Marriage._ + +It devolves upon the lady to fix the day. She will hardly disregard +the stereotyped request of the impatient lover to make it an "early" +one; but she knows best how soon the never-to-be-neglected +"preparations" can be made. For the wedding ceremonies see Chapter +VII. A few hints to husbands and wives may be found in Chapter V. + + +FOOTNOTE: + +[P] See "Physical Perfection; or How to Acquire and Retain Beauty, +Grace, and Strength," now (1857) in the course of preparation. + + + + +X. + +PARLIAMENTARY ETIQUETTE. + + The object of a meeting for deliberation is, of course, to + obtain a free expression of opinion and a fair decision of the + questions discussed. Without rules of order this object would, + in most cases, be utterly defeated; for there would be no + uniformity in the modes of proceeding, no restraint upon + indecorous or disorderly conduct, no protection to the rights + and privileges of members, no guarantee against the caprices + and usurpations of the presiding officer, no safeguard against + tyrannical majorities, nor any suitable regard to the rights of + the minority.--_McElligott._ + + +I.--COURTESY IN DEBATE. + +The fundamental principles of courtesy, so strenuously insisted upon +throughout this work, must be rigorously observed in the debating +society, lyceum, legislative assembly, and wherever questions are +publicly debated. In fact, we have not yet discovered _any_ occasion +on which a gentleman is justified in being anything less than--a +gentleman. + +In a paragraph appended to the constitution and by-laws of a New York +debating club, members are enjoined to treat each other with delicacy +and respect, conduct all discussions with candor, moderation, and open +generosity, avoid all personal allusions and sarcastic language +calculated to wound the feelings of a brother, and cherish concord and +good fellowship. The spirit of this injunction should pervade the +heart of every man who attempts to take part in the proceedings of any +deliberative assembly. + + +II.--ORIGIN OF THE PARLIAMENTARY CODE. + +The rules of order of our State Legislatures, and of other less +important deliberative bodies, are, in almost all fundamental points, +the same as those of the National Congress, which, again, are +derived, in the main, from those of the British Parliament, the +differences which exist growing out of differences in government and +institutions. It is in allusion to its origin that the code of rules +and regulations thus generally adopted is often called "The Common +Code of Parliamentary Law." + + +III.--RULES OF ORDER. + + +1. _Motions._ + +A deliberative body being duly organized, motions are in order. The +party moving a resolution, or making a motion in its simplest form, +introduces it either with or without remarks, by saying: "Mr. +President, I beg leave to offer the following resolution," or "I move +that," etc. A motion is not debatable till seconded. The member +seconding simply says: "I second that motion." The resolution or +motion is then stated by the chairman, and is open for debate. + + +2. _Speaking._ + +A member wishing to speak on a question, resolution, or motion, must +rise in his place and respectfully address his remarks to the chairman +or president, _confining himself to the question, and avoiding +personality_. Should more than one member rise at the same time, the +chairman must decide which is entitled to the floor. No member must +speak more than once till every member wishing to speak shall have +spoken. In debating societies (and it is for their benefit that we +make this abstract) it is necessary to define not only how many times, +but how long at each time a member may speak on a question. + + +3. _Submitting a Question._ + +When the debate or deliberation upon a subject appears to be at a +close, the presiding officer simply asks, "Is the society [assembly, +or whatever the body may be] ready for the question?" or, "Are you +ready for the question?" If no one signifies a desire further to +discuss or consider the subject, he then submits the question in due +form. + + +4. _Voting._ + +The voting is generally by "ayes and noes," and the answers on both +sides being duly given, the presiding officer announces the result, +saying, "The ayes have it," or, "The noes have it," according as he +finds one side or the other in the majority. If there is a doubt in +his mind which side has the larger number, he says, "The ayes _appear_ +to have it," or, "The noes _appear_ to have it," as the case may be. +If there is no dissent, he adds, "The ayes _have_ it," or, "The noes +_have_ it." But should the president be unable to decide, or if his +decision be questioned, and a division of the house be called for, it +is his duty immediately to divide or arrange the assembly as to allow +the votes on each side to be accurately counted; and if the members +are equally divided, the president must give the casting vote. It is +the duty of every member to vote; but in some deliberative bodies a +member may be excused at his own request. Sometimes it is deemed +advisable to record the names of members in connection with the votes +they give, in which case the roll is called by the secretary, and each +answers "yes" or "no," which is noted or marked opposite his name. + + +5. _A Quorum._ + +A quorum is such a number of members as may be required, by rule or +statute, to be present at a meeting in order to render its +transactions valid or legal. + + +6. _The Democratic Principle._ + +All questions, unless their decision be otherwise fixed by law, are +determined by a majority of votes. + + +7. _Privileged Questions._ + +There are certain motions which are allowed to supersede a question +already under debate. These are called privileged questions. The +following are the usually recognized privileged questions: + +1. _Adjournment._--A motion to adjourn is always in order, and takes +precedence of all others; but it must not be entertained while a +member is speaking, unless he give way for that purpose, nor while a +vote is in progress. It is not debatable, and can not be amended. + +2. _To Lie on the Table._--A motion to lay a subject on the +table--that is, to set it aside till it is the pleasure of the body to +resume its consideration--generally takes precedence of all others, +except the motion to adjourn. It can neither be debated nor amended. + +3. _The Previous Question._--The intention of the previous question is +to arrest discussion and test at once the sense of the meeting. Its +form is, "Shall the main question now be put?" It is not debatable, +and can not be amended. An affirmative decision precludes all further +debate on the main question. The effect of a negative decision, +_unless otherwise determined by a special rule_, is to leave the main +question and all amendments just as it found them. + +4. _Postponement._--A motion to postpone the consideration of a +question indefinitely, which is equivalent to setting it aside +altogether, may be amended by inserting a certain day. It is not +debatable. + +5. _Commitment._--A motion to commit is made when a question, +otherwise admissible, is presented in an objectionable or +inconvenient form. If there be no standing committee to which it can +be properly submitted, a select committee may be raised for the +purpose. It may be amended. + +6. _Amendment._--The legitimate use of a motion to amend is to correct +or improve the original motion or resolution; but a motion properly +before an assembly may be altered in _any_ way; even so as to turn it +entirely from its original purpose, unless some rule or law shall +exist to prevent this subversion. An amendment may be amended, but +here the process must cease. An amendment must of course be put to +vote before the original question. A motion to amend holds the same +rank as the previous question and indefinite postponement, and that +which is moved first must be put first. It may be superseded, however, +by a motion to postpone to a certain day, or a motion to commit. + +7. _Orders of the Day._--Subjects appointed for a specified time are +called orders of the day, and a motion for them takes precedence of +all other business, except a motion to adjourn, or a question of +privilege. + +8. _Questions of Privilege._--These are questions which involve the +rights and privileges of individual members, or of the society or +assembly collectively. They take precedence over all other +propositions, except a motion to adjourn. + +9. _Questions of Order._--In case of any breach of the rules of the +society or body, any member may rise to the point of order, and insist +upon its due enforcement; but in case of a difference of opinion +whether a rule has been violated or not, the question must be +determined before the application of the rule can be insisted upon. +Such a question is usually decided upon by the presiding officer, +without debate; but any member may appeal from his decision, and +demand a vote of the house on the matter. A question of order is +debatable, and the presiding officer, contrary to rule in other cases, +may participate in the discussion. + +10. _Reading of Papers._--When papers or documents of any kind are +laid before a deliberative assembly, every member has a right to have +them read before he can be required to vote upon them. They are +generally read by the secretary, on the reading being called for, +without the formality of a vote. + +11. _Withdrawal of a Motion._--Unless there be a rule to that effect, +a motion once before the assembly can not be withdrawn without a vote +of the house, on a motion to allow its withdrawal. + +12. _The Suspension of Rules._--When anything is proposed which is +forbidden by a special rule, it must be preceded by a motion for the +suspension of the rule, which, if there be no standing rule to the +contrary, may be carried by a majority of votes; but most deliberative +bodies have an established rule on this subject, requiring a fixed +proportion of the votes--usually two thirds. + +13. _The Motion to Reconsider._--The intention of this is to enable an +assembly to revise a decision found to be erroneous. The time within +which a motion to reconsider may be entertained is generally fixed by +a special rule; and the general rule is, that it must emanate from +some member who voted with the majority. In Congress, a motion to +reconsider takes precedence of all other motions, except the motion to +adjourn. + + +8. _Order of Business._ + +In all permanently organized bodies there should be an order of +business, established by a special rule or by-law; but where no such +rule or law exists, the president, unless otherwise directed by a +vote of the assembly, arranges the business in such order as he may +think most desirable. The following is the order of business of the +New York Debating Club, referred to in a previous section. It may be +easily so modified as to be suitable for any similar society: + + 1. Call to order. + 2. Calling the roll. + 3. Reading the minutes of previous meeting. + 4. Propositions for membership. + 5. Reports of special committee. + 6. Balloting for candidates. + 7. Reports of standing committee. + 8. Secretary's report. + 9. Treasurer's report. + 10. Reading for the evening. + 11. Recitations for the evening. + 12. Candidates initiated. + 13. Unfinished business. + 14. Debate. + 15. New business. + 16. Adjournment. + + +9. _Order of Debate._ + +1. A member having got the floor, is entitled to be heard to the end, +or till the time fixed by rule has expired; and all interruptions, +except a call to order, are not only out of order, but rude in the +extreme. + +2. A member who temporarily yields the floor to another, is generally +permitted to resume as soon as the interruption ceases, but he can not +claim to do so as a right. + +3. It is neither in order nor in good taste to designate members by +name in debate, and they must in no case be directly addressed. Such +forms as, "The gentleman who has just taken his seat," or, "The member +on the other side of the house," etc., may be made use of to designate +persons. + +4. Every speaker is bound to confine himself to the question. This +rule is, however, very liberally interpreted in most deliberative +assemblies. + +5. Every speaker is bound to avoid personalities, and to exercise in +all respects a courteous and gentlemanly deportment. Principles and +measures are to be discussed, and not the motives or character of +those who advocate them.[Q] + +FOOTNOTE: + +[Q] The foregoing rules of order have been mainly condensed from that +excellent work, "The American Debater," by James N. McElligott, LL.D., +to which the reader is referred for a complete exposition of the whole +subject of debating. Published by Ivison and Phinney, New York, and +for sale by Fowler and Wells. + + + + +XI. + +MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS. + + These, some will say, are little things. It is true, they are + little but it is equally clear that they are necessary + things.--_Chesterfield._ + + +I.--REPUBLICAN DISTINCTIONS. + +We have defined equality in another place. We fully accept the +doctrine as there set forth. We have no respect for mere conventional +and arbitrary distinctions. Hereditary titles command no deference +from us. Lords and dukes are entitled to no respect simply because +they are lords and dukes. If they are really _noble men_, we honor +them accordingly. Their titles are mere social fictions. + +True republicanism requires that every man shall have an equal +chance--that every man shall be free to become as unequal as he can. +No man should be valued the less or the more on account of his +grandfather, his position, his possessions, or his occupation. The MAN +should be superior to the accidents of his birth, and should take that +rank which is due to his merit.[R] + +The error committed by our professedly republican communities +consists, not in the recognition of classes and grades of rank, but in +placing them, as they too often do, on artificial and not on natural +grounds. We have had frequent occasion, in the preceding pages, to +speak of superiors and inferiors. We fully recognize the relation +which these words indicate. It is useless to quarrel with Nature, who +has nowhere in the universe given us an example of the absolute, +unqualified, dead-level equality which some pseudo-reformers have +vainly endeavored to institute among men. Such leveling is neither +possible nor desirable. Harmony is born of difference, and not of +sameness. + +We have in our country a class of toad-eaters who delight in paying +the most obsequious homage to fictitious rank of every kind. A vulgar +millionaire of the Fifth Avenue, and a foreign adventurer with a +meaningless title, are equally objects of their misplaced deference. +Losing sight of their own manhood and self-respect, they descend to +the most degrading sycophancy. We have little hope of benefiting them. +They are "joined to their idols; let them alone." + +But a much larger class of our people are inclined to go to the +opposite extreme, and ignore veneration, in its human aspect, +altogether. They have no reverence for anybody or anything. This class +of people will read our book, and, we trust, profit by its well-meant +hints. We respect them, though we can not always commend their +manners. They have independence and manliness, but fail to accord due +respect to the manhood of others. It is for their special benefit that +we leave touched with considerable emphasis on the deference due to +age and _genuine_ rank, from whatever source derived. + +Your townsman, Mr. Dollarmark, has no claim on you for any special +token of respect, simply because he inherited half a million, which +has grown in his hands to a million and a half, while you can not +count half a thousand, or because he lives in his own palatial +mansion, and you in a hired cottage; but your neighbor, Mr. Anvil, +who, setting out in life, like yourself, without a penny, has amassed +a little fortune by his own unaided exertions, and secured a high +social position by his manliness, integrity, and good breeding, is +entitled to a certain deference on your part--a recognition of his +merits and his superiority. Mr. Savant, who has gained distinction for +himself and conferred honor on his country by his scientific +discoveries, and your aged friend Mr. Goodman, who, though a stranger +to both wealth and fame, is drawing toward the close of a long and +useful life, during which he has helped to build up and give character +to the place in which he lives, have, each in his own way, _earned_ +the right to some token of deference from those who have not yet +reached an equally elevated position. + +It is not for birth, or wealth, or occupation, or any other accidental +circumstance, that we ask reverence, but for _inherent nobility +wrought out in life_. This is what should give men rank and titles in +a republic. + +Your hired man, Patrick, may be your inferior, but it is not because +he is your hired man. Another man, who is your _superior_ in every +way, may stand in the same business relation to you. He may sell you +certain stipulated services for a stipulated amount of money; but you +bargain for no deference that your real social position and character +do not call for from him. He, and not you, may be entitled to the +"wall side," and to precedence everywhere. + + +II.--CITY AND COUNTRY. + +The words _civil_ and _civilized_ are derived from the Latin _civitas_ +(Ital., _città_), a city, and _polite_, from the Greek [Greek: polis] +(_polis_), a city; because cities are the first to become civilized, +or _civil_, and polite, or _polished_ (Latin, _polire_). They are +still, as a general rule, the home of the most highly cultivated +people, as well as of the rudest and most degraded, and unquestioned +arbiters of fashion and social observances. For this reason the rules +of etiquette laid down in this and all other works on the subject of +manners, are calculated, as the astronomers say, for the meridian of +the city. The observances of the country are borrowed from the city, +and modified to suit the social condition and wants of the different +localities. This must always be borne in mind, and your behavior +regulated accordingly. The white or pale yellow gloves, which you must +wear during the whole evening at a fashionable evening party in the +city, under pain of being set down as unbearably vulgar, would be very +absurd appendages at a social gathering at a farm-house in the +country. None but a _snob_ would wear them at such a place. So with +other things. + + +III.--IMPORTED MANNERS. + +N. P. Willis says, "We should be glad to see a distinctly American +school of good manners, in which all useless etiquette were thrown +aside, but every politeness adopted or invented which could promote +sensible and easy exchanges of good-will and sociability. Good sense +and consideration for others should be the basis of every usage of +polite life that is worth regarding. Indeed, we have long thought that +our country was old enough to adopt measures and etiquettes of its +own, based, like all other politeness, upon benevolence and common +sense. To get rid of imported etiquette is the first thing to do for +American politeness." + +This is an important truth well stated. We have had enough of mere +imported conventionalism in manners. Our usages should not be English +or French usages, further than English and French usages are founded +on universal principles. Politeness is the same everywhere and always, +but the forms of etiquette must change with times and places; for an +observance which may be proper and useful in London or Paris, may be +abundantly absurd in New York. + + +IV.--FICTITIOUS TITLES. + +In answer to a correspondent who inquires whether an American citizen +should address a European nobleman by his title, _Life Illustrated_ +says: + +"We answer, unhesitatingly, No. Most of the European titles are purely +fictitious, as well as ridiculous. The Duke of Northumberland, for +example, has nothing in particular to do with Northumberland, nor does +he exercise dukeship (or leadership) over anything except his private +estate. The title is a perfect absurdity; it means nothing whatever; +it is a mere nickname; and Mr. Percy is a fool for permitting himself +to be addressed as 'My Lord Duke,' and 'Your Grace.' Indeed, even in +England, gentlemen use those titles very sparingly, and servants alone +habitually employ then. American citizens who are thrown, in their +travels, or in their intercourse with society, into communication with +persons bearing titles, may treat them with all due respect without +Gracing or My-Lording them. In our opinion, they should do so. And we +have faith enough in the good sense of the English people to believe +that the next generation, or the next but one, will see a general +abandonment of fictitious titles by the voluntary action of the very +people who hold them. At the same time, we are inclined to think that +the bestowment of real titles--titles which mean something, titles +given in recognition of distinguished worth and eminent services, +titles not hereditary--will be one of the most cherished prerogatives +of the enlightened states of the good time coming. The first step, +however, must be the total abolition of all titles which are +fictitious and hereditary." + + +V.--A MIRROR FOR CERTAIN MEN. + +The following rather broad hints to certain bipeds who _ought_ to be +gentlemen, were clipped from some newspaper. We are sorry we do not +know to whom to credit the article: + +"Who can tell why women are expected, on pain of censure and +avoidance, to conform to a high standard of behavior, while men are +indulged in another a great deal lower? We never could fully +understand why men should be tolerated in the chewing of tobacco, in +smoking and in spitting everywhere almost, and at all times, whereas a +woman can not do any of these things without exciting aversion and +disgust. Why ought a man to be allowedly so self-indulgent, putting +his limbs and person in all manner of attitudes, however uncouth and +distasteful, merely because such vulgarities yield him temporary +eases, while a woman is always required to preserve an attitude, if +not of positive grace, at least of decency and propriety, from which +if she departs, though but for an instant, she forfeits respect, and +is instantly branded as a low creature! + +"Can any one say why a man when he has the tooth-ache, or is called to +suffer in any other way, should be permitted, as a matter of course, +to groan and bellow, and vent his feelings very much in the style of +an animal not endowed with reason, while a woman similarly suffering +must bear it in silence and decorum? Why, should men, as a class, +habitually, and as a matter of right, boldly wear the coarsest +qualities of human nature on the outside, and swear and fight, and +beastify themselves, so that they are obliged to be put into separate +pens in the cars on railroads, and at the dépôts, while woman must +appear with an agreeable countenance, if not in smiles, even when the +head, or perhaps the heart, aches, and are expected to permit nothing +ill-tempered, disagreeable, or even unhappy to appear outwardly, but +to keep all these concealed in their own bosoms to suffer as they may, +lest they might otherwise lessen the cheerfulness of others? + +"These are a few suggestions only among many we would hint to the +stronger and more exciting sex to be reflected on for the improvement +of their tastes and manners. In the mirror thus held up before them, +they can not avoid observing the very different standards by which the +behavior of the two sexes is constantly regulated. If any reason can +be assigned why one should always be a lady, and the other hardly ever +a gentleman, we hope it will be done." + + +VI.--WASHINGTON'S CODE OF MANNERS. + +Every action ought to be with some sign of respect to those present. +Be no flatterer; neither play with any one who delights not to be +played with. Read no paper or book in company. Come not near the +papers or books of another when he is writing. Let your countenance be +cheerful; but in serious matters be grave. Let your discourse with +others, on matters of business, be short. It is good manners to let +others speak first. When a man does all he can, do not blame him, +though he succeeds not well. Take admonitions thankfully. Be not too +hasty to receive lying reports to the injury of another. Let your +dress be modest, and consult your condition. _Play not the peacock by +looking vainly at yourself._ It is better to be alone than in bad +company. Let your conversation be without malice or envy. Urge not +your friend to discover a secret. Break not a jest where none take +pleasure in mirth. Gaze not on the blemishes of others. When another +speaks, be attentive. + + +VII.--MARKED PASSAGES. + +On turning over the leaves of the various works on etiquette which we +have had occasion to consult in the preparation of this little manual, +we have marked with our pencil a large number of passages which seemed +to us to embody important facts or thoughts, with the hope of being +able to weave them into our work, each in its appropriate place. Some +of them we have made use of according to our original intention; a few +others not elsewhere used, we purpose to throw together here without +any attempt at classification. + + +1. _Our Social Uniform._ + +The universal partiality of our countrymen for _black_, as the color +of dress clothes, at least, is frequently remarked upon by foreigners. +Among the best dressed men on the Continent, as well as in England, +black, through not confined to the clergy, is in much less general use +than here. They adopt the darker shades of blue, brown, and green, and +for undress almost as great diversity of colors as of fabrics. + + +2. _A Hint to the Ladies._ + +Don't make your rooms gloomy. Furnish them for light and let them have +it. Daylight is very cheap, and candle or gas light you need not use +often. If your rooms are dark, all the effect of furniture, pictures, +walls, and carpets is lost. Finally, if you have beautiful things, +make them useful. The fashion of having a nice parlor, and then +shutting it up all but three or four days in the year, when you have +company; spending your own life in a mean room, shabbily furnished, or +an unhealthy basement, to save your things, is the meanest possible +economy. Go a little further--shut up your house, and live in a +pig-pen! The use of nice and beautiful things is to act upon your +spirit--to educate you and make you beautiful. + + +3. _Another._ + +Don't put your cards around the looking-glass, unless in your private +boudoir. If you wish to display them, keep them in a suitable basket +or vase on the mantle or center-table. + + +4. _An Obliging Disposition._ + +Polite persons are necessarily obliging. A smile is always on their +lips, an earnestness in their countenance, when we ask a favor of +them. They know that to render a service with a bad grace, is in +reality not to render it at all. If they are obliged to refuse a +favor, they do it with mildness and delicacy; they express such +feeling regret that they still inspire us with gratitude; in short, +their conduct appears so perfectly natural that it really seems that +the opportunity which is offered them of obliging us, is obliging +themselves; and they refuse all our thanks, without affectation or +effort. + + +5. _Securing a Home._ + +Let me, as a somewhat scrutinizing observer of the varying phases of +social life, in our own country especially, enter my earnest protest +against the practice so commonly adopted by newly-married persons, of +_boarding_, in place of at once establishing for themselves the +distinctive and ennobling prerogatives of HOME. Language and time +would alike fail me in an endeavor to set forth the manifold evils +inevitably growing out of this fashionable system. Take the advice of +an old man, who has tested theories by prolonged experience, and at +once establish your PENATES within four walls, and under a roof that +will, at times, exclude all who are not properly denizens of your +household, upon assuming the rights and obligations of married life. +Do not be deterred from this step by the conviction that you can not +shrine your home deities upon pedestals of marble. _Cover their bases +with flowers_--God's free gift to all--and the plainest support will +suffice for them if it be but _firm_. + + +6. _Taste vs. Fashion._ + +A lady should never, on account of economy, wear either what she deems +an ugly or an ungraceful garment; such garments never put her at her +ease, and are neglected and cast aside long before they have done her +their true service. We are careful only of those things which suit us, +and which we believe adorn us, and the mere fact of believing that we +look well, goes a great way toward making us do so. Fashion should be +sacrificed to taste, or, at best, followed at a distance; it does not +do to be _entirely out_, nor _completely in_, what is called +"fashion," many things being embraced under that term which are +frivolous, unmeaning, and sometimes meretricious. + + +7. _Special Claims._ + +There are persons to whom a lady or gentleman should be especially +polite. All elderly persons, the unattractive, the poor, and those +whose dependent positions may cause them to fear neglect. The +gentleman who offers his arm or gives his time to an old lady, or asks +a very plain one to dance, or attends one who is poorly dressed, never +looses in others' estimation or his own. + + +8. _Propriety of Deportment._ + +Propriety of deportment is the valuable result of a knowledge of one's +self, and of respect for the rights of others; it is a feeling of the +sacrifices which are imposed on self-esteem by our social relations; +it is, in short, a sacred requirement of harmony and affection. + + +9. _False Pride._ + +False pride and false dignity are very mean qualities. A true +gentleman will do anything proper for him to do. He can soil his hands +or use his muscles when there is occasion. The truest gentleman is +more likely to carry home a market-basket, or a parcel, or to wheel a +barrow through Broadway, than many a conceited little snob of a +shop-boy. + + +10. _The Awkwardness of being "Dressed."_ + +When dressed for company, strive to appear as easy and natural as if +you were in undress. Nothing is more distressing to a sensitive +person, or more ridiculous to one gifted with an _esprit moquer_ [a +disposition to "make fun"], than to see a lady laboring under the +consciousness of a fine gown; or a gentleman who is stiff, awkward, +and ungainly in a brand-new coat. + + +FOOTNOTE: + +[R] _Life Illustrated._ + + + + +XII. + +MAXIMS FROM CHESTERFIELD. + + The pages of the "Noble Oracle" are replete with sound advice, + which all may receive with profit. Genuine politeness is the + same always and everywhere.--_Madame Bienceance._ + + +1. _Cheerfulness and Good Humor._ + +It is a wonderful thing that so many persons, putting in claims to +good breeding, should think of carrying their spleen into company, and +entertaining those with whom they converse with a history of their +pains, head-aches, and ill-treatment. This is, of all others, the +meanest help to social happiness; and a man must have a very mean +opinion of himself, who, on having detailed his grievances, is +accosted by asking the news. Mutual good-humor is a dress in which we +ought to appear, whenever we meet; and we ought to make no mention of +ourselves, unless it be in matters wherein our friends ought to +rejoice. There is no real life but cheerful life; therefore +valetudinarians should be sworn before they enter into company not to +say a word of themselves until the meeting breaks up. + + +2. _The Art of Pleasing._ + +The art of pleasing is a very necessary one to possess, but a very +difficult one to acquire. It can hardly be reduced to rules; and your +own good sense and observation will teach you more of it than I can. +Do as you would be done by, is the surest method that I know of +pleasing. Observe carefully what pleases you in others, and probably +the same things in you will please others. If you are pleased with +the complaisance and attention of others to you, depend upon it the +same complaisance and attention, on your part, will equally please +them. Take the tone of the company you are in, and do not pretend to +give it; be serious or gay, as you find the present humor of the +company. This is an attention due from every individual to the +majority. + + +3. _Adaptation of Manners._ + +Ceremony resembles that base coin which circulates through a country +by the royal mandate. It serves every purpose of real money at home, +but is entirely useless if carried abroad. A person who should attempt +to circulate his native trash in another country would be thought +either ridiculous or culpable. He is truly well-bred who knows when to +value and when to despise those national peculiarities which are +regarded by some with so much observance. A traveler of taste at once +perceives that the wise are polite all the world over, but that fools +are polite only at home. + + +4. _Bad Habits._ + +Keep yourself free from strange tricks or habits, such as thrusting on +your tongue, continually snapping your fingers, rubbing your hands, +sighing aloud, gaping with a noise like a country fellow that has been +sleeping in a hay-loft, or indeed with any noise; and many others that +I have noticed before. These are imitations of the manners of the mob, +and are degrading to a gentleman. It is rude and vulgar to lean your +head back and destroy the appearance of fine papered walls. + + +5. _Do what You are About._ + +_Hoc age_ was a maxim among the Romans, which means, "Do what you are +about, and do that only." A little mind is hurried by twenty things +at once; but a man of sense does but one thing at a time, and resolves +to excel in it; for whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing +well. Therefore, remember to give yourself up entirely to the thing +you are doing, be it what it may, whether your book or your play; for +if you have a right ambition, you will desire to excel all boys of +your age, at cricket, at trap-ball, as well as in learning. + + +6. _People who never Learn._ + +There have been people who have frequented the first companies all +their lifetime, and yet have never divested themselves of their +natural stiffness and awkwardness; but have continued as vulgar as if +they were never out of a servants' hall. This has been owing to +carelessness, and a want of attention to the manners and behavior of +others. + + +7. _Conformity to Local Manners._ + +Civility, which is a disposition to accommodate and oblige others, is +essentially the same in every country; but good-breeding, as it is +called, which is the manner of exerting that disposition, is different +in almost every country, and merely local; and every man of sense +imitates and conforms to that local good-breeding or the place which +he is at. + + +8. _How to Confer Favors._ + +The greatest favors may be done so awkwardly and bunglingly as to +offend; and disagreeable things may be done so agreeably as almost to +oblige. Endeavor to acquire this great secret. It exists, it is to be +found, and is worth a great deal more than the grand secret of the +alchymists would be, if it were, as it is not, to be found. + + +9. _Fitness._ + +One of the most important points of life is decency, which means doing +what is proper, and where it is proper; for many things are proper at +one time, and in one place, that are extremely improper in another. +Read men, therefore, yourself, not in books, but in nature. Adopt no +systems, but study them yourself. + + +10. _How to Refuse._ + +A polite manner of refusing to comply with the solicitations of a +company is also very necessary to be learned; for a young man who +seems to have no will of his own, but does everything that is asked of +him, may be a very good-natured, but he is a very silly, fellow. + + +11. _Civility to Women._ + +Civility is particularly due to all women; and remember that no +provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to every +woman; and the greatest man in the world would be justly reckoned a +brute, if he were not civil to the meanest woman. + + +12. _Spirit._ + +Spirit is now a very fashionable word. To act with spirit, to speak +with spirit, means only to act rashly, and to talk indiscreetly. An +able man shows his spirit by gentle words and resolute actions; he is +neither hot nor timid. + + + + +XIII. + +ILLUSTRATIVE ANECDOTES. + + It is well to combine amusement with instruction, whether you + write for young or old.--_Anonymous._ + + +I.--ELDER BLUNT AND SISTER SCRUB. + +The house of the excellent Squire Scrub was the itinerant's home; and +a right sweet, pleasant home it would have been but for a certain +unfortunate weakness of the every other way _excellent_ Sister Scrub. +The weakness I allude to was, or at least it was suspected to be, _the +love of praise_. Now the good sister was really worthy of high praise, +and she often received it; but she had a way of disparaging herself +and her performances which some people thought was intended to invite +praise. No housewife kept her floors looking so clean and her walls so +well whitewashed as she. Every board was scrubbed and scoured till +further scrubbing and scouring would have been labor wasted. No one +could look on her white ash floor and not admire the polish her +industry gave it. The "Squire" was a good provider, and Sister Scrub +was an excellent cook; and so their table groaned under a burden of +good things on all occasions when good cheer was demanded. And yet you +could never enter the house and sit half an hour without being +reminded that "Husband held Court yesterday, and she couldn't keep the +house decent." If you sat down to eat with them, she was sorry she +"hadn't anything fit to eat." She had been scrubbing, or washing, or +ironing, or she had been half sick, and she hadn't got such and such +things that she ought to have. Nor did it matter how bountiful or how +well prepared the repast really was, there was always _something_ +deficient, the want of which furnished a text for a disparaging +discourse on the occasion. I remember once that we sat down to a table +that a king might have been happy to enjoy. There was the light +snow-white bread; there were the potatoes reeking in butter; there +were chickens swimming in gravy; there were the onions and the +turnips, and I was sure Sister Scrub had gratified her ambition for +once. We sat down, and a blessing was asked; instantly the good sister +began; she was afraid her coffee was too much burned, or that the +water had been smoked, or that she hadn't roasted the chicken enough. +There ought to have been some salad, and it was too bad that there was +nothing nice to offer us. + +We, of course, endured those unjustifiable apologies as well as the +could, simply remarking that everything was really nice, and proving +by our acts that the repast was tempting to our appetites. + +I will now introduce another actor to the reader--Elder Blunt, the +circuit preacher. Elder Blunt was a good man. His religion was of the +most genuine, experimental kind. He was a _very_ plain man. He, like +Mr. Wesley, would no more dare to preach a _fine_ sermon than wear a +fine coat. He was celebrated for his common-sense way of exhibiting +the principles of religion. He _would_ speak just what he thought, and +as he felt. He somehow got the name of being an eccentric preacher, as +every man, I believe, does who _never_ prevaricates, and always acts +and speaks as he thinks. Somehow or other, Elder Blunt had heard of +Sister Scrub, and that infirmity of hers, and he resolved to cure +her. On his first round he stopped at "Squire Scrub's," as all other +itinerants had done before him. John, the young man, took the elder's +horse and put him in the stable, and the preacher entered the house. +He was shown into the best room, and soon felt very much at home. He +expected to hear something in due time disparaging the domestic +arrangements, but he heard it sooner than he expected. This time, if +Sister Scrub could be credited, her house was all upside down; it +wasn't fit to stay in, and she was sadly mortified to be caught in +such a plight. The elder looked all around the room, as if to observe +the terrible disorder, but he said not a word. By-and-by the dinner +was ready, and the elder sat down with the family to a well spread +table. Here, again, Sister Scrub found everything faulty; the coffee +wasn't fit to drink, and she hadn't anything fit to eat. The elder +lifted his dark eye to her face; for a moment he seemed to penetrate +her very soul with his austere gaze; then slowly rising from the +table, he said, "Brother Scrub, I want my horse immediately; I must +leave!" + +"Why, Brother Blunt, what is the matter?" + +"Matter? Why, sir, your house isn't fit to stay in, and you haven't +anything fit to eat or drink, and I won't stay." + +Both the "Squire" and his lady were confounded. This was a piece of +eccentricity entirely unlooked for. They were stupefied. But the elder +was gone. He wouldn't stay in a house not fit to stay in, and where +there wasn't anything fit to eat and drink. + +Poor Sister Scrub! She wept like a child at her folly. She "knew it +would be all over town," she said, "and everybody would be laughing at +her." And then, how should she meet the blunt, honest elder again? +"She hadn't meant anything by what she had said." Ah! she never +thought how wicked it was to say _so much_ that didn't mean anything. + +The upshot of the whole matter was, that Sister Scrub "saw herself as +others saw her." She ceased making apologies, and became a wiser and +better Christian. Elder Blunt always puts up there, always finds +everything as it should be, and, with all his eccentricities, is +thought by the family the most agreeable, as he is acknowledged by +everybody to be the most consistent, of men.--_Rev. J. V. Watson._ + + +II.--THE PRESENCE. + +Mr. Johnson, an English traveler, relates, in his notes on North +America, the following story: + +"At Boston," he says, "I was told of a gentleman in the neighborhood +who, having a farm servant, found him very satisfactory in every +respect, except that he invariably came into his employer's room with +his hat on. + +"'John,' said he to the man one day, 'you always keep your hat on when +you come into the room.' + +"'Well, sir,' said John, 'and haven't I a right to?' + +"'Yes,' was his employer's reply, 'I suppose you have.' + +"'Well,' said John, 'if I have a right to, why shouldn't I?' + +"This was a poser from one man to another, where all have equal +rights. So, after a moment's reflection the gentleman asked: + +"'Now, John, what will you take, how much more wages will you ask, to +take off your hat whenever you come in?' + +"'Well, that requires consideration, I guess,' said the man. + +"'Take the thing into consideration, then,' rejoined the employer, +'and let me know to-morrow morning.' + +"The morrow comes, and John appears. + +"'Well, John, have you considered what additional wages you are to +have for taking your hat off?' + +"'Well, sir, I guess it's worth a dollar a month.' + +"'It's settled, then, John; you shall have another dollar a month.' + +"So the gentleman retained a good man, while John's hat was always in +his hand when he entered the house." + +This story, to one who knows New England, is not altogether +incredible. Toward the democratization of this country, yet most +incomplete, it will perhaps be one day conceded that the South has +contributed ideas, and New England sentiment; while the Great West +will have made a partial application of both to the conduct of life. +The Yankees are the kindest and the acutest of our people, and the +most ungraceful. Nowhere in the world is there so much good feeling, +combined with so much rudeness of manner, as in New England. The +South, colonized by Cavaliers, retains much of the Cavalier +improvidence and careless elegance of manner; and Southerners, like +the soil they till, are generous. But the Yankees, descended from +austere and Puritanic farmers, and accustomed to wring their +subsistence from an unwilling soil, possess the sterling virtues of +human nature along with a stiff-jointed awkwardness of manner, and a +sharp angularity of thought, which renders them unpleasing even to +those who respect them most. A Yankee seldom ceases to be provincial. + +But John is waiting, hat in hand, to hear what we have to say +respecting his case. + +We say that John was wrong in not taking off his hat voluntarily, but +that the feeling which prevented his doing so was right. He was right +in feeling that the accidental circumstance of his being a hired man +gave his employer no claim to any special mark of respect from him; +and, as he considered that the removal of his hat would have been a +special mark of respect, and thus an acknowledgment of social +inferiority, he declined to make that acknowledgment. But John was +mistaken. The act referred to would not have borne such an +interpretation. John ought to have felt that on coming into the +presence of a man, a fellow-citizen and co-sovereign, and particularly +on entering his abode, one of the innumerable royal residences of the +country, some visible sign of respect, some kind of deferential +salutation, is _due_ from the person entering. John should have risen +superior to the mere accident of his position, and remembered only +that he and his employer were men and equals. The positions of the two +men might be reversed in a day; their equality as men and citizens, +nothing but crime could affect.--_James Parton._ + + +III.--A LEARNED MAN AT TABLE. + +Some of the many errors which are liable to be committed through +ignorance of usage, are pleasantly pointed out in the following story, +which is related by a French writer: + +The Abbé Cosson, professor in the _Collége Mazarin_, thoroughly +accomplished in the art of teaching, saturated with Greek, Latin, and +literature, considered himself a perfect well of science: he had no +conception that a man who knew all Persius and Horace by heart could +possibly commit an error--above all, an error at table. But it was not +long before he discovered his mistake. One day, after dining with the +Abbé de Radonvilliers at Versailles, in company with several courtiers +and marshals of France; he was boasting of the rare acquaintance with +etiquette and custom which he had exhibited at dinner. The Abbé +Delille, who heard this eulogy upon his own conduct, interrupted his +harangue by offering to wager that he had committed at least a hundred +improprieties at the table. "How is it possible?" exclaimed Cosson. "I +did exactly like the rest of the company." + +"What absurdity!" said the other. "You did a thousand things which no +one else did. First, when you sat down at the table, what did you do +with your napkin?" "My napkin! why, just what everybody else did with +theirs. I unfolded it entirely, and fastened it to my button-hole." +"Well, my dear friend," said Delille, "you were the only one that did +_that_, at all events. No one hangs up his napkin in that style; they +are contented with placing it on their knees. And what did you do when +you took soup?" "Like the others, I believe. I took any spoon in one +hand and my fork in the other--" "Your fork! Who ever ate soup with a +fork? But to proceed: after your soup, what did you eat?" "A fresh +egg." "And what did you do with the shell?" "Handed it to the servant +who stood behind my chair." "Without breaking it, of course?" "Well, +my dear Abbé, nobody ever eats an egg without breaking the shell." +"And after your egg--?" "I asked the Abbé Radonvilliers to send me a +piece of the hen near him." "Bless my soul! a piece of the _hen_! You +never speak of hens excepting in the barn-yard. You should have asked +for fowl, or chicken. But you say nothing of your mode of drinking." +"Like all the rest, I asked for _claret_ and _champagne_." "Let me +inform you, then, that persons always ask for _claret wine_ and +_champagne wine_. But tell me, how did you eat your bread?" "Surely I +did that properly. I cut it with my knife in the most regular manner +possible." "Bread should always be broken, not cut. But the coffee, +how did you manage it?" "It was rather too hot, and I poured a little +of it into my saucer." "Well, you committed here the greatest fault of +all. You should never pour your coffee into the saucer, but always +drink it from the cup." The poor Abbé was confounded. He felt that +though one might be master of the seven sciences, yet that there was +another species of knowledge which, if less dignified, was equally +important. + +This occurred many years ago, but there is not one of the observances +neglected by the Abbé Cosson which is not enforced with equal +rigidness in the present day. + + +IV.--ENGLISH WOMEN IN HIGH LIFE. + +Lord Hardwicke's family consists of his countess, his eldest son +(about eighteen or twenty, Lord Royston by courtesy), three of the +finest-looking daughters you ever saw, and several younger sons. The +daughters--Lady Elizabeth, Lady Mary, and Lady Agnita--are +surpassingly beautiful; such development--such rosy cheeks, laughing +eyes, and unaffected manners--you rarely see combined. They take a +great deal of out-door exercise, and came aboard the Merrimac, in a +heavy rain, with Irish shoes thicker soled than you or I ever wore, +and cloaks and dresses almost impervious to wet. They steer their +father's yacht, walk the Lord knows how many miles, and don't care a +cent about rain, besides doing a host of other things that would shock +our ladies to death; and yet in the parlor are the most elegant +looking women, in their satin shoes and diamonds, I ever saw.... After +dinner the ladies play and sing for us, and the other night they got +up a game of blind-man's-buff; in which the ladies said we had the +advantage, inasmuch as their "petticoats rustled so that they were +easily caught." They call things by their names here. In the course of +the game, Lord Hardwicke himself was blindfolded, and, trying to catch +some one, fell over his daughter's lap on the floor, when two or three +of the girls caught him by the legs and dragged his lordship--roaring +with laughter, as we all were--on his back into the middle of the +floor. Yet they are perfectly respectful, but appear on a perfect +equality with each other.--_Letter from an Officer of the "Merrimac."_ + + +V.--"VIL YOU SAY SO, IF YOU PLEASE?" + +"Speaking of _not speaking_," said I, when the general amusement had +abated, "reminds me of an amusing little scene that I once witnessed +in the public parlor of a New England tavern, where I was compelled to +wait several hours for a stage-coach. Presently there entered a +bustling, sprightly-looking little personage, who, after frisking +about the room, apparently upon a tom of inspection, finally settled +herself very comfortably in the large cushioned rocking-chair--the +only one in the room--and was soon, as I had no reason to doubt, sound +asleep. It was not long, however, before a noise of some one entering +aroused her, and a tall, gaunt, old Yankee woman, hung around with +countless bags, bonnet-boxes, and nondescript appendages of various +sizes and kinds, presented herself to our vision. After slowly +relieving herself of the numberless incumbrances that impeded her +progress in life, she turned to a young man who accompanied her, and +said, in a tone so peculiarly shrill that it might have been mistaken, +at this day, for a railroad whistle-- + +"'Now, Jonathan, don't let no grass grow under your feet while you go +for them toothache drops; I am a'most crazy with pain!' laying a hand +upon the affected spot as she spoke; 'and here,' she called out, as +the door was closing upon her messenger, 'just get my box filled at +the same time,' diving with her disengaged hand into the unknown +depths of, seemingly, the most capacious of pockets, and bringing to +light a shining black box of sufficient size to hold all the jewels of +a modern belle. 'I thought I brought along my snuff-bladder, but I +don't know where I put it, my head is so stirred up.' + +"By this time the little woman in the rocking-chair was fairly +aroused, and rising, she courteously offered her seat to the stranger, +her accent at once betraying her claim to be ranked with the politest +of nations (a bow, on my part, to the fair foreigner in the group). +With a prolonged stare, the old woman coolly ensconced herself in the +vacated seat, making not the slightest acknowledgment of the civility +she had received. Presently she began to groan, rocking herself +furiously at the same time. The former occupant of the stuffed chair, +who had retired to a window and perched herself in one of a long row +of wooden seats, hurried to the sufferer. 'I fear, madame,' said she, +'that you suffare ver' much--vat can I do for you?' The representative +of Yankeedom might have been a wooden clock-case for all the response +she made to this amiable inquiry, unless her rocking more furiously +than ever might be construed into a reply. + +"The little Frenchwoman, apparently wholly unable to class so +anomalous a specimen of humanity, cautiously retreated. + +"Before I was summoned away, the toothache drops and the snuff +together (both administered in large doses) seemed to have gradually +produced the effect of oil poured upon troubled waters. + +"The sprightly Frenchwoman again ventured upon the theater of action. + +"'You find yourself now much improved, madame?' she asked, with +considerable vivacity. A very slight nod was the only answer. + +"'And you feel dis _fauteuil_ really very _com-for-ta-ble_?' pursued +the little woman, with augmented energy of voice. Another nod was just +discernible. + +"No intonation of mine can do justice to the very ecstasy of +impatience with which the pertinacious questioner actually _screamed_ +out: + +"'_Bien_, madame, _vil you say so_, if you please?' + +"_Henry Lunettes._" + + * * * * * + +THE INDISPENSABLE HAND-BOOK. + +How to Write----How to Talk----How to Behave, and How to Do Business. + +COMPLETE IN ONE LARGE VOLUME. + +This new work--in four parts--embraces just that practical +matter-of-fact information which every one--old and young--ought to +have. It will aid in attaining, if it does not insure, "success in +life." It contains some 600 pages, elegantly bound, and is divided +into four parts, as follows: + +HOW TO WRITE: + + As a Manual of Letter-Writing and Composition, is far superior + to the common "Letter-Writers." 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Description of Pigments +used; their Average Cost, Tools required, etc. By F. B. GARDNER, +author of the _Carriage Painter's Manual_. 127 pp. Cloth, $1.00. + +This is just the work needed by every person who has anything to +paint, as will be seen from the following from the Table of Contents. +It is very complete, and will make "Every Man his Own Painter." + + CHAPTER I.--PAINTING--Tools used. + + CHAPTER II.--BRUSHES. + + CHAPTER III.--DRY COLORS--White Lead; Fine White; Lamp Black; + Drop Black; Ivory Black; Prussian Blue; Ultramarine Green; + Yellow; Vermilion; Brown; Lake; Carmine; Rose Pink; Whiting; + Glue; Pumice Stone; Asphaltum. + + CHAPTER IV.--LIQUIDS--Spirits of Turpentine; Oils; Varnishes; + Furniture Varnish; Average Prices of Varnish; Shellac Varnish; + Japan Gold Size; Brown Japan Size; Fat Oil Size; Quick Size; + Asphaltum Size; Honey Size; Size for Glass. + + CHAPTER V.--COLORS IN OIL--Tube Colors; Compound Colors. + + CHAPTER VI.--Mixing Paint; White Paint; White for Inside Work; + China Glass; Oil Color for Outside Work; Dead, or Flat Color; + Colors Ground in Oil. PUTTY--Common Window Putty; Carriage + Painters' Putty; Cementing Putty; Furniture Putty; Hardwood + Putty; Putty for Plaster Work. + + CHAPTER VII.--MILK PAINT--Distemper Painting; Kalsomine; + Preparing Kalsomine; Paint for Out-Buildings; Paint for Iron + Railing; White wash; Size for Walls; Paste for Paper hanging; + Hanging Paper. + + CHAPTER VIII.--Graining; Oak in Distemper; Oak in Oil; Maple; + Mahogany; Rosewood; Black Walnut; Staining; Granite; Brown + Stone; Portland Stone; Smalting; Flockings; Marbling. + + CHAPTER IX.--GILDING--Gold Leaf; Silver Leaf; Dutch Metal; + Gilding on Glass; Bronzing; Stenciling; Transferring; + Decalcomanie; Transparent Painting; Pearl Inlaying; Making a + Rustic Picture; Painting Flower Stand; Polish for Mahogany; + Varnishing Furniture; Waxing Furniture; Cleaning Paint; Paint + for Farming Tools; Paint for Machinery; Paint for Household + Goods; Paint for Iron; To Imitate Ground Glass; Pumicing + Ornaments; Painting to Imitate Damask; To Paint a Farm Wagon; To + Re-Varnish a Carriage; To Duplicate Plaster Casts; "Putty Work;" + Permanent Wood Filling for House Work. + +It is neatly Printed, with illustrations showing everything that can +be illustrated in connection with the subject. Published in uniform +style with the Carriage Painter's Manual, at the same price. $1.00, by +mail, past-paid, to any address by B. R. WELLS & CO., Publishers, 737 +Broadway, N. Y. + + +THE EMPHATIC DIAGLOTT, + + Containing the Original Greek Text of THE NEW TESTAMENT with an + interlineary word-for-word English Translation; a new Emphatic + Version based on the Interlineary Translation, on the Readings + of Eminent Critics, and on the various Readings of the Vatican + Manuscript (No 1,209 in the Vatican Library); together with + illustrative and Explanatory Foot Notes, and a copious Selection + of References; to the whole of which is added a valuable + Alphabetical Index. + +By BENJAMIN WILSON. + +One Vol., 12mo, 884 pp. Price, extra cloth, $4; Lib. binding, $5. + +We have here a Greek Text acknowledged to be one of the best, which +Greek scholars will find of importance, while the unlearned have an +almost equal chance with those who are acquainted with the original, +by having an interlinear, literal, word-for-word English translation. +On the right hand of each page there is a column containing a special +rendering of the translation, including the labors of many talented +critics and translators, and in this column the emphatic signs are +noted by which the Greek words of emphasis are designated, which the +common and are new version of the New Testament fail to give. The +adopting of the ensigns of emphasis give a certainty and intensity to +the passages where they occur which can not be had without them. In +addition to this there are numerous footnotes and references, making +it on the whole one of the most valuable aids to Bible study yet +published. + +OPINIONS OF THE CLERGY. + +The following extracts from a letters received by the publishers will +go far to show in what the light the "Emphatic Diaglott" is regarded +by the clergy: + + From J. R. GRAVES, LL.D., _Editor of Tenn. Baptist_.--"There are + many of our ministers who have mastered the usual amount of + Greek required to complete their course at school but have found + little time since entering upon their ministerial labors to + "keep it up," and rust has so gathered upon their Greek that it + has become a labor to work it out without Grammar and Lexicon. + To all such and even to those who have accomplished but little + in the language, this INTERLINEARY translation will prove an + invaluable help. The CRITICAL FOOT-NOTES and Dictionary of Terms + at the close are fully worth the price of the work itself. I can + cordially commend it to every minister and Bible student as a + rigidly faithful translation of the New Testament, and for + several reasons the most valuable one that has yet been made." + + From THOMAS ARMITAGE, D.D., _Pastor of the Fifth Ave. Baptist + Church_.--"GENTLEMEN: I have examined with much care and great + interest the specimen sheets sent me of 'the Emphatic Diaglott.' + ... I believe that the book furnishes evidences of the purposed + faithfulness, more than usual scholarship, and remarkable + literary industry. It can not fail to be an important help to + those who wish to become better acquainted with the revealed + will of God. For these reasons I wish the enterprise of + publishing the work a great success." + + From the Rev. JAMES L. HODGE, _Pastor of the First Mariners' + Baptist Church, N. Y._--"I have examined these sheets which you + design to be a specimen of the work, and have to confess myself + much pleased with the arrangement and ability of Mr. Wilson.... + I can most cordially thank Mr. Wilson for his noble work, and + you, gentlemen, for your Christian enterprise in bringing the + work before the public. I believe the work will do good, and aid + the better understanding of the New Testament." + + From Prof. H. MATTISON, _Pastor of Trinity Meth. Church, Jersey + City, N. J._--... "The plan of the work is admirable, and the + presence of the Greek text and interlinear version gives every + scholar a fair chance to test the version for himself, verse by + verse and word for word. I can not but believe that the work + will be valuable acquisition to the Biblical literature of the + country." + + From A. A. LIVERMORE, D.D., _President of the Theological Sem., + Meadville, Pa._--... "I welcome all efforts intelligently made + to popularize the results of criticism, and wish that this + little volume might be possessed by every clergyman and student + of the Scriptures in the country." + + From Rev. C. LAREW, _Pastor of the Halsey St. Meth. Church, + Newark, N. J._--"'The Diaglott' has given me great pleasure. The + arrangement is a most excellent one, and the new version can not + fail to be of gratification and profit, especially to those + unacquainted with the original Greek. The translator has + certainly shown great genius in seizing upon the thought of the + original and a happy tact on presenting it." + + From Rev. G. F. WARREN, _Pastor of the Worthen St. Church, + Lowell, Mass._--... "Am highly gratified with the thorough + manner in which he (the author) has done his work. If I mistake + not this translation will receive a cordial welcome from the + Christian public. It is just what every Christian needs. I + congratulate myself and others that such a valuable auxiliary to + the study of the Word of God is placed in our hands." + +We give sample pages of the work that every one may form a correct +idea of the plan of publication. Sent by mail, post-paid, on receipt +of price. + +Address all orders to FOWLER & WELLS CO. Publishers, 753 BROADWAY, NEW +YORK. + + +GOOD HEALTH BOOKS. + +HEALTH IN THE HOUSEHOLD, + + Or, Hygienic Cookery. By Susanna W. Dodds, M.D. One large 12mo + volume, 600 pages, extra cloth or oil-cloth binding, price + $2.00. + + Undoubtedly the very best work on the preparation of food in a + healthful manner ever published, and one that should be in the + hands of all who would furnish their tables with food that is + wholesome and at the same time palatable, and will contribute + much toward Health in the Household. + +THE NATURAL CURE + + Of Consumption, Constipation, Bright's Disease, Neuralgia, + Rheumatism, "Colds" (Fevers), Etc. How Sickness Originates and + How to Prevent it. A Health Manual for the People. By C. E. + Page. 1 vol. 12mo. 278 pp., ex. cloth, $1.00. + + A new work with new ideas, both radical and reasonable, + appealing to the common-sense of the reader. This is not a new + work with old thoughts simply restated, but the most original + Health Manual published in many years. It is written in the + author's clear, attractive manner, and should be in the hands of + all who would either retain or regain their health, and keep + from the hands of the doctors. + +HOW TO FEED THE BABY, + + To Make Her Healthy and Happy. With Health Hints. By C. E. Page, + M.D. Fourth Edition, Revised and Enlarged. 12mo, paper, 50 + cents; extra cloth, 75 cts. + + Dr. Page has devoted much attention to the subject, both in this + country and in Europe, noting the condition of children, and + then making careful inquiries as to the feeding, care, etc., and + this work is a special record of experience with his own child. + In addition to answering the question _what_ to feed the baby, + this volume tells _how_ to feed the baby, which is of equal + importance. There are many who are now following the author's + teaching with good results. + +HOW TO BE WELL; + + Or, Common-Sense Medical Hygiene. A book for the people, giving + directions for the treatment and cure of acute diseases without + the use of drug medicines, also general hints on health. By M. + Augusta Fairchild, M.D. 12mo, cloth, $1.00. + + We have here a new work on Hygiene containing the results of the + author's experience for many years in the treatment of acute and + chronic diseases with Hygienic agencies, and it will save an + incalculable amount of pain and suffering, as well as doctors' + bills, in every family where its simple directions are followed. + +DIGESTION and DYSPEPSIA. + + A Complete Explanation of the Digestive Processes, with the + Symptoms and Treatment of Dyspepsia and other Disorders of the + Digestive Organs. Illustrated. By R. T. Trall, M.D. $1.00. + + The latest and best work on the subject. With fifty + illustrations; showing with all possible fullness every process + of digestion, and giving all the causes, and directions for + treatment of Dyspepsia. The author gives the summary of the data + which he collected during an extensive practice of more than + twenty-five years, largely with patients who were suffering from + diseases caused by Dyspepsia and an impaired Digestion. + +THE MOTHER'S HYGIENIC HANDBOOK, + + for the Normal Development and Training of Women and Children, + and the Treatment of their diseases with Hygienic agencies. By + the same author. $1.00. + + The great experience and ability of the author enabled him to + give just that advice which mothers need so often all through + their lives. It covers the whole ground, and, if it be carefully + read, will go far towards giving us an "ENLIGHTENED MOTHERHOOD." + The work should be read by every wife and every woman who + contemplates marriage. Mothers may place it in the hands of + their daughters with words of commendation, and feel assured + they will be the better prepared for the responsibilities and + duties of married life and motherhood. + +Sent by mail, post-paid, to any address on receipt of price. Agents +wanted. Address FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers. 753 Broadway, New +York. + + +THE WORKS OF NELSON SIZER. + +A Great Book for Young People + +"CHOICE OF PURSUITS; or, What to Do and Why," describing Seventy-five +Trades and Professions, and the Temperaments and Talents required for +each; with Portraits and Biographies of many successful Thinkers and +Workers By NELSON SIZER, Associate Editor of the "PHRENOLOGICAL +JOURNAL," Vice President of, and Teacher in, the "American Institute +of Phrenology," etc. 12mo, extra cloth. 508 pp. Price, $1.75. + + This work fills a place attempted by no other. Whoever has to + earn a living by labor of head or hand, can not afford to do + without it. + +NOTICES OF THE PRESS. + + "'CHOICE OF PURSUITS; or, What to do and Why' is a remarkable + book. The author has attained a deserved eminence as a + delineator of character. We have given it a careful reading and + feel warranted in saying that it is a book calculated to do a + vast deal of good."--_Boston Commonwealth._ + + "The title in startling, but it is indicative of the contents of + the book itself; the work is a desideratum."--_Inter-Ocean + (Chicago.)_ + + "It presents many judicious counsels. The main purpose of the + writer is to prevent mistakes in the choice of a profession. His + remarks on the different trades are often highly original. The + tendency of this volume is to increase the reader's respect for + human nature."--_New York Tribune._ + + "The design of this book is to indicate to every man his proper + work and to educate him for it"--_Albany Evening Journal._ + +A New Book for Parents and Teachers. + +"HOW TO TEACH ACCORDING TO TEMPERAMENT AND MENTAL DEVELOPMENT," or, +Phrenology in the School-room and the Family. + + With many Illustrations. 12mo, extra cloth, 351 pages. Price, + $1.50. + + One of the greatest difficulties in the training of children + arises from not understanding their temperament and disposition. + This work points out clearly the constitutious differences, and + how to make the most of each. + +NOTICES OF THE PRESS. + + "The purpose of this work is to aid parents and teachers to + understand the talents, dispositions, and temperaments of those + under their guidance. This opens a new field to the + consideration of the teacher. The text is attractive and a + valuable contribution to educational literature. It should be in + the library of every parent and teacher."--_New England Journal + of Education._ + + "This is an entirely new feature in a book intended for the use + of teachers, and must prove of great advantage to them. The text + is written in a manner which must attract every reader."--_The + Methodist._ + + "No teacher should neglect to read this well-written + contribution to the cause of education."--_Christian + Instructor._ + + "It abounds in valuable suggestions and counsels derived from + many years experience, which can not fail to be of service to + all who are engaged in the business of education. The subject is + treated in a plain, familiar manner, and adapted to reading in + the family as well as in the study of the teacher."--_New York + Tribune._ + + "There is a great deal of good sense in the work and all + teachers will be glad to welcome it."--_The Commonwealth_, + Boston. + +A NEW BOOK FOR EVERYBODY! + +FORTY YEARS IN PHRENOLOGY: Embracing Recollections of History, +Anecdote, and Experience. 12mo, extra cloth, 413 pages. Price, $1.50. + + In this work we have a most interesting record of the author's + recollections and experiences during more than forty years as a + Practical Phrenologist. The volume is filled with history, + anecdotes, and incidents, pathetic, witty, droll, and startling. + Every page sparkles with reality, and is packed with facts too + good to be lost. This book will be warmly welcomed by every + reader, from the boy of twelve to the sage of eighty years. + +THOUGHTS ON DOMESTIC LIFE; or, Marriage Vindicated and FREE LOVE +EXPOSED. 12mo. Paper, 25 cents. + + This work contains a sharp analysis of the social nature, in + some respects quite original. Sent by mail, post-paid, to any + address. Agents wanted. Address + + FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York. + + +THE HUMAN VOICE. + +ITS ANATOMY, PHYSIOLOGY, PATHOLOGY, THERAPEUTICS, AND TRAINING, WITH RULES +OF ORDER FOR LYCEUMS. + + BY R. T. TRALL, M.D. + + Paper, 50 Cents; Cloth, 75 Cents. + + The work comprises, in a clear, concise form, directions for + strengthening and improving the voice, overcoming constitutional + difficulties, and repairing the abnormal conditions in the + organs of articulation as far as they can be remedied. The work + contains many illustrations, with full directions for vocal + culture and how gestures may become graceful. It contains, for + practice, some of the most popular selections, including the + best from Dickens, Henry Clay, Pope, and Bancroft, with Poe's + "Raven" and the "Bells;" also, "Sheridan's Ride." The chapter + devoted to rules of order for public meetings constitutes a + CHAIRMAN'S GUIDE, and with a list of debatable subjects, would + be considered worth the price of the book by many young men and + members of debating societies. Let every young man--and woman, + too--prepare themselves for speaking in public when occasion may + demand it. + +NOTICES. + + All who desire to read and speak well, will find this book an + excellent guide.--_New England Journal of Education._ + + Any one who desires to improve his voice, should get a copy of + this new work. It is a safe guide for the use of all who aim to + become good readers and speakers.--_New York Weekly._ + + The work aims at a scientific and thorough treatment of the + subject.--_Daily Graphic._ + + This book supplies the greatest want of young persons entering + on their oratorical career.--_Rural New Yorker._ + + An excellent guide for those desiring to become good readers or + public speakers, for strengthening and improving the + voice.--_Publishers' Weekly._ + + A very useful treatise, practical in treatment, and popular in + form.--_Christian Intelligencer._ + + It will be an aid to teachers.--_National Teachers' Monthly._ + + It will be found a plain and intelligible guide in theory and + practice, to any who desire to improve or excel, and must rely + mainly on self-education.--_Christian Instructor, and West. + United Pres._ + + Agents wanted to sell this in High Schools, Colleges, etc. Sent + by mail, post-paid, on receipt of price. Address + + FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, + 753 Broadway, New York. + + +A Choice of Premiums. + +The Phrenological Chart. + + A handsome symbolical Head, made from new and special drawings + designed for the purpose. The pictorial illustrations show the + location of each of the phrenological organs and their natural + language. The Head is about twelve ins. wide, handsomely + lithographed in colors and on heavy plate paper 19 × 24 ins., + properly mounted, with rings for hanging or may be framed, and + will be very attractive wherever it is seen. Price: $1.00. Is + given to the new subscribers, or the Bust Premium. + + [Illustration] + +The Phrenological Bust. + + This Bust is made of Plaster of Paris, and so lettered as to + show the exact location of each of the Phrenological Organs. The + head is nearly life-size, and very ornamental, deserving a place + on the centre-table or mantel, in parlor, office or study. This, + with the illustrated key which accompanies each Bust, should be + in the hands of all who would know "HOW TO READ CHARACTER." + Price, $1.00, or given as a Premium to each new subscriber to + the JOURNAL or we will send the Chart Premium. + +THE PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL + +Is widely known in America and Europe, having been before the reading +world fifty years, and occupying a place in literature exclusively its +own, viz., the study of HUMAN NATURE in all its phases, including +Phrenology, Physiognomy, Ethnology, Physiology, etc., together with +the "SCIENCE OF HEALTH," and no expense will be spared to make it the +best publication for general circulation, tending always to make men +better physically, mentally, and morally. Parents and teachers should +read the JOURNAL, that they may better know how to govern and train +their children. Young people should read the JOURNAL, that they may +make the most of themselves. It has long met with the hearty approval +of the press and the people. + + _N. Y. Times_ says: "THE PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL proves that the + increasing years of a periodical is no reason for its lessening + its enterprise or for diminishing its abundance of interesting + matter. If all magazines increased in merit as steadily as THE + PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL, they would deserve in time to show equal + evidences of popularity." + + _Christian Union_ says: "It is well known as a popular + storehouse for useful thought. It teaches men to know themselves + and constantly presents matters of the highest interest to + intelligent readers, and has the advantage of having always been + not only up with the times, but a _little in advance_. Its + popularity shows the result of enterprise and brains." + +TERMS.--The JOURNAL is published monthly at $2.40 a year, or 20 cents +a Number. To each new subscriber is given either the BUST or CHART +Premium described above. When the Premiums are sent, 13 cents extra +must be received with each subscription to pay postage on the JOURNAL +and the expense of boxing and packing the Bust, which will be sent by +express, or No. 2, a smaller size, or the Chart Premium, will be sent +by mail, post-paid. + +Send amount to P. O. Orders, P. N., Drafts on New York, or in +Registered Letters. Postage-stamps will be received. AGENTS WANTED. +Send 10 cents for specimen Numbers, Premium List, Posters, etc. +Address + +FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York. + + +[Illustration] + +HEADS AND FACES: HOW TO STUDY THEM + +A Complete Manual of Phrenology and Physiognomy for the People. + + By PROF. NELSON SIZER, and H. S. DRAYTON, M.D. + + Fully illustrated. Octavo, extra cloth, $1.00; paper edition, 40 + cents. + +All claim to know something of _How to READ Character_, but very few +understand all the _Signs of Character_ as shown in the _Head and +Face_. The subject is one of great importance, and in this work the +authors, Prof. Nelson Sizer, the phrenological examiner at the rooms +of Fowler & Wells Co., and Dr. H. S. Drayton, the editor of the +_Phrenological Journal_, have considered it from a practical +standpoint, and the subject is so simplified as to be of great +interest and easily understood. + +The demand for standard publications of low price has increased +greatly with the tendency of many bookmakers to meet it. Popular +editions of the poets, historians, scientists have fallen in line with +the hundreds and thousands of cheap editions of the better classes of +novels; and now, in response to the often-expressed want of the +studious and curious, we have this voluminous yet very low-priced +treatise on "Heads and Faces" from the point of view of Phrenology, +Physiognomy, and Physiology. Although so low-priced, as we have noted +above, it is no flimsy, patched-up volume, but a careful, honest work, +replete with instruction, fresh in thought, suggestive and inspiring. +There are nearly two hundred illustrations, exhibiting a great variety +of faces, human and animal, and many other interesting features of the +much-sided subject that is considered. Taken at length it is one of +the most complete books on face-study that has been issued by its +publishers, and is a book that must create a demand wherever it is +seen. The style in which it has been produced, the excellent paper, +good presswork, numerous illustrations, and elegant, engaging cover, +make it a phenomenon even in this cheap book day. Sent by mail, +post-paid, on receipt of price, 40 cts. AGENTS WANTED. + +Address, FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York. + + +A NEW BOOK. + +HEALTH IN THE HOUSEHOLD; OR, HYGIENIC COOKERY. + + By SUSANNA W. DODDS, M.D. + + One large 12mo vol., 600 pp., extra cloth or oil-cloth. Price. + $2.00. + +The author of this work is specially qualified for her task, as she is +both a physician and a practical housekeeper. It is unquestionably the +best work written on the healthful preparation of food, and should be +in the hands of every housekeeper who wishes to prepare food +healthfully and palatably. The best way and the reason why are given. +It is complete in every department. To show something of what is +thought of this work we copy a few brief extracts from the many. + +NOTICES OF THE PRESS. + + "This work contains a great deal of excellent advice about + wholesome food and gives directions for preparing many dishes in + a way that will make luxuries for the palate out of many simple + productions of Nature which are now lost by a vicious + cookery."--_Home Journal._ + + "Another book on cookery, and one that appears to be fully the + equal in all respects and superior to many of its predecessors. + Simplicity is sought to be blended with science, economy with + all the enjoyments of the table, and health and happiness with + an ample household liberally. Every purse and every taste will + find in Mrs. Dodds' book, material within its means of grasp for + efficient kitchen administration."--_N. Y. Star._ + + "The book can not fail to be of great value in every household + to those who will intelligently appreciate the author's + stand-point. And there are but few who will not concede that it + would be a public benefit if our people generally would become + better informed as to the better mode of living than the author + intends."--_Scientific American._ + + "She evidently knows what she is writing about, and her book is + eminently practical upon every page. It is more than a book of + recipes for making soups, and pies, and cake; it is a educator + of how to make the home the abode of healthful people."--_The + Daily Inter-Ocean_, Chicago, Ill. + + "The book is a good one, and should be given a place in every + well-regulated _cuisine_."--_Indianapolis Journal._ + + "As a comprehensive work on the subject of healthful cookery, + there is no other in print which is superior, and which brings + the subject so clearly and squarely to the understanding of an + average housekeeper."--_Methodist Recorder._ + + "In this book Dr. Dodds deals with the whole subject + scientifically, and yet has made her instructions entirely + practical. This book will certainly prove useful, and if its + precepts could be universally followed, without doubt human life + would be considerably lengthened."--_Springfield Union._ + + "Here is a cook-book prepared by an educated lady physician. It + seems to be a very sensible addition to the voluminous + literature on this subject, which ordinarily has little + reference to the hygienic character of the preparations which + are described."--_Zion's Herald._ + + "This one seems to us to be most sensible and practical, while + yet based upon scientific principles--in short, the best. If it + were in every household, there would be far less misery in the + world."--_South and West._ + + "There is much good sense in the book, and there is plenty of + occasion for attacking the ordinary methods of cooking, as well + as the common style of diet."--_Morning Star._ + + "She sets forth the why and wherefore of cookery, and devotes + the larger portion of the work to those articles essential to + good blood, strong bodies, and vigorous minds."--_New Haven + Register._ + +The work will be sent to any address, by mail, post-paid, on receipt +of price, $2.00. AGENTS WANTED, to whom special terms will be given. +Send for terms. Address + +FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York. + + +[Illustration] + +Names of the Faculties. + + 1. AMATIVENESS.--Connubial love, affection. + A. CONJUGAL LOVE.--Union for life, pairing instinct. + 2. PARENTAL LOVE.--Care of offspring, and all young. + 3. FRIENDSHIP.--Sociability, union of friends. + 4. INHABITIVENESS.--Love of home and country. + 5. CONTINUITY.--Application, consecutiveness. + A. VITATIVENESS.--Clinging to life, tenacity. + 6. COMBATIVENESS. Defense, courage. + 7. DESTRUCTIVENESS.--Executiveness. + 8. ALIMENTIVENESS.--Appetite for food, etc. + 9. ACQUISITIVENESS.--Frugality, economy. + 10. SECRETIVENESS.--Self-control, policy. + 11. CAUTIOUSNESS.--Guardedness, safety. + 12. APPROBATIVENESS.--Love of applause. + 13. SELF-ESTEEM.--Self-respect, dignity. + 14. FIRMNESS.--Stability, perseverance. + 15. CONSCIENTIOUSNESS.--Sense of right. + 16. HOPE.--Expectation, anticipation. + 17. SPIRITUALITY.--Intuition, prescience. + 18. VENERATION.--Worship, adoration. + 19. BENEVOLENCE.--Sympathy, kindness. + 20. CONSTRUCTIVENESS.--Ingenuity, tools. + 21. IDEALITY.--_Taste_, love of beauty, poetry. + B. SUBLIMITY.--Love of the grand, vast. + 22. IMITATION.--Copying, aptitude. + 23. MIRTH.--Fun, wit, ridicule, facetiousness. + 24. INDIVIDUALITY.--Observation, to see. + 25. FORM.--Memory, _shape_, looks, persons. + 26. SIZE.--Measurement of quantity. + 27. WEIGHT.--Control of motion, balancing. + 28. COLOR.--Discernment, and love of color. + 29. ORDER.--_Method_, system, going by _rule_. + 30. CALCULATION.--Mental arithmetic. + 31. LOCALITY.--Memory of place, position. + 32. EVENTUALITY.--Memory of facts, events. + 33. TIME.--Telling _when_, time of day, dates. + 34. TUNE.--Love of music, singing. + 35. LANGUAGE.--_Expression_ by words, acts. + 36. CAUSALITY.--_Planning_, thinking. + 37. COMPARISON.--Analysis, inferring. + C. HUMAN NATURE.--Sagacity. + D. SUAVITY.--_Pleasantness_, blandness. + +For complete definitions of all the organs of the BRAIN, and the +features of the FACE, see New Physiognomy by S. R. WELLS, with 1,000 +Illustrations. Price, post-paid, $5, $8, and $10, according to styles +of binding. + + +"EDUCATION COMPLETE." + +Education and Self-Improvement Complete.--Comprising +Physiology--Animal and Mental: Self-Culture and Perfection of +Character: including the Management of Youth: Memory and Intellectual +Improvement. Complete in one large, well-bound 12mo volume, with 855 +pp., and upward Seventy Engravings. Price, pre-paid, by mail. $3 + +This work is, in all respects, one of the best educational hand-books +in the English language. Any system of education that neglects the +training and developing all that goes to make up a MAN, must +necessarily be incomplete. The mind and body are so intimately related +and connected that it is impossible to cultivate the former without it +is properly supplemented by the latter. The work is subdivided into +three departments--the first devoted to the preservation and +restoration of health and the improvement of mentality; the second to +the regulation of the feelings and perfection of the moral character; +and the third, to the intellectual cultivation. "EDUCATION COMPLETE" +is a library in itself, and covers the ENTIRE NATURE OF MAN. We append +below a synopsis of the table of contents: + +HEALTH OF BODY AND POWER OF MIND. + + PHYSIOLOGY--ANIMAL AND MENTAL HEALTH--ITS LAWS AND PRESERVATION. + Happiness constitutional; Pain not necessary; Object of all + Education; Reciprocation existing between Body and Mind; Health + defined; Sickness--not providential. + + FOOD--ITS NECESSITY AND SELECTION.--Unperverted Appetite an + Infallible Directory; Different Diets Feed Different Powers; How + to Eat--or Mastication. Quantity, Time, etc.; How Appetite can + be Restrained; The Digestive Process; Exercise after Meals. + + CIRCULATION, RESPIRATION, PERSPIRATION, SLEEP.--The Heart, its + Structure and Office; The Circulatory System; The Lungs, their + Structure and Functions; Respiration, and its importance; + Perspiration; Prevention and Cure of Colds, and their + consequences; Regulation of Temperature by Fire and Clothing; + Sleep. + + THE BRAIN AND NERVOUS SYSTEM.--Position, Function, and Structure + of the Brain; Consciousness or the seat of the soul; Function of + the Nerves; How to seep the Nervous system in Health; The Remedy + of Diseases; Observance of the Laws of Health Effectual; The + Drink of Dyspeptics--its kind, times and quantity; Promotion of + Circulation; Consumption--its Prevention and Cure; Preventives + of Insanity, etc. + +SELF-CULTURE AND PERFECTION OF CHARACTER. + + CONSTITUENT ELEMENTS OR CONDITIONS OF PERFECTION OF + CHARACTER--Progression a Law of Things--its application to human + improvement; Human perfectibility,--the harmonious action of all + the faculties; Governing the propensities by the intellectual + and moral faculties. Proof that the organs can be enlarged and + diminished; The proper management of Youth, etc. + + ANALYSIS AND MEANS OF STRENGTHENING OF THE + FACULTIES.--Amativeness; Philoprogenitiveness; Adhesiveness; + Union for Life; Inhabitiveness; Continuity; Vitativeness; + Combativeness; Destructiveness, or Executiveness; + Alimentiveness; Aquativeness, or Bibativeness; Acquisitiveness; + Secretiveness; Cautiousness; Approbativeness; Self-Esteem; + Firmness. Conscientiousness; Hope; Spirituality--Marvelousness; + Veneration; Benevolence; Constructiveness; Ideality; Sublimity; + Initiation; Mirthfulness; Agreeableness--with engraved + illustrations. + +MEMORY AND INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT APPLIED TO SELF-EDUCATION. + + CLASSIFICATION AND FUNCTION OF THE FACULTIES.--Man's + superiority; Intellect his crowning endowment; How to strengthen + and improve the Memory; Definition, location, analysis, and + means of the strengthening the intellectual faculties. + INDIVIDUALITY. FORM. SIZE. WEIGHT. COLOR. ORDER. CALCULATION. + LOCALITY. EVENTUALITY. TIME. TUNE: Influence of Music. LANGUAGE: + Power of Eloquence & Good Language. PHONOGRAPHY: its advantages. + CAUSALITY: Teaching others to think; Astronomy; Anatomy and + Physiology; Study of Nature. COMPARISON: Inductive reasoning. + HUMAN NATURE: Adaptation. + + DEVELOPMENTS REQUIRING FOR PARTICULAR AVOCATIONS.--Good + Teachers; Clergymen; Physician; Lawyers; Statesmen; Editors; + Authors; Public Speakers; Poets; Lecturers; Merchants; + Mechanics; Artists; Painters; Farmers; Engineers; Landlords; + Printers; Milliners; Seamstresses; Fancy Workers, and the like. + + Full and explicit directions are given for the cultivation and + direction of all the powers of the mind, instruction for finding + the exact location of each organ, and its relative size compared + with others. + + +WORKS PUBLISHED BY FOWLER & WELLS CO., New York. + + +PHRENOLOGY AND PHYSIOGNOMY. + +PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL AND SCIENCE OF HEALTH--Devoted to Ethnology, +Physiology, Phrenology, Physiognomy, Psychology, Sociology, Biography, +Education, Literature, etc., with Measures to Reform, Elevate and +Improve Mankind Physically, Mentally and Spiritually. Monthly, $2.00 a +year; 20c. a number. Bound vols. $3.00 + +EXPRESSION: ITS ANATOMY AND PHILOSOPHY. Illustrated by Sir Charles +Bell. Additional Notes and Illustrations by SAMUEL R. WELLS. $1. + +EDUCATION OF THE FEELINGS AND AFFECTIONS. Charles Bray. Edited by +NELSON SIZER. Cloth, $1.50. + + This work gives full and definite directions for the + cultivation or restraining of all the faculties relating to the + feelings or affections. + +COMBE'S SYSTEM OF PHRENOLOGY; With 100 Engravings. $1.25. + +COMBE'S CONSTITUTION OF MAN; Considered in Relation to external +objects. With twenty engravings, and portrait of author. $1.25. + + The "Constitution of Man" is a work with which every teacher + and every pupil should be acquainted. + +COMBE'S LECTURES ON PHRENOLOGY; with Notes, an Essay on the +Phrenological Mode of Investigation, and an Historical Sketch, by +A. BOARDMAN, M.D. $1.25. + +COMBE'S MORAL PHILOSOPHY; or, the Duties of Man considered in his +Individual, Domestic, and Social Capacities. $1.25. + +HOW TO STUDY CHARACTER; OR, THE TRUE BASIS FOR THE SCIENCE OF MIND. +Including a Review of Bain's Criticism of Phrenology. By Thos. A. +Hyde. 50c.; clo. $1.00. + +NEW DESCRIPTIVE CHART, for the Use of examiners in the Delineation of +Character. By S. R. Wells. 25c. + +NEW PHYSIOGNOMY; OR SIGNS OF CHARACTER, as manifested through +Temperament and External Forms, and especially in the "Human Face +Divine." With more than One Thousand Illustrations. By Samuel R. +Wells. In one 12mo volume, 768 pages, muslin, $5.00; in heavy calf, +marbled edges, $8.00; Turkey morocco, full gilt, $10.00. + + "The treatise of Mr. Wells, which is admirably printed and + profusely illustrated, is probably the most complete hand-book + upon the subject in the language."--_N. Y. Tribune._ + +HOW TO READ CHARACTER.--A new illustrated Hand-book of Phrenology and +Physiognomy, for Students and Examiners, with a chart for recording +the sizes of the different Organs of the brain in the Delineation of +Character; with upward of 170 Engravings. By S. R. Wells. $1.25. + +WEDLOCK; OR, THE RIGHT RELATIONS OF THE SEXES. Disclosing the Laws of +Conjugal Selection, and showing Who May Marry. By S. R. Wells. $1.50; +gilt, $2.00. + +BRAIN AND MIND; or Mental Science Considered in Accordance with the +Principles of Phrenology and in Relation to Modern Physiology. H. S. +DRAYTON M.D., AND J. MCNEILL. $1.50. + + This is the latest and best work published. It constitutes a + complete text-book of Phrenology, is profusely illustrated, and + will adapted to the use of students. + +INDICATIONS OF CHARACTER, as manifested in the general shape of the +head and form of the face. H. S. DRAYTON, M.D. Illus. 25c. + +HOW TO STUDY PHRENOLOGY.--With Suggestions to Students, Lists of Best +Works, Constitutions for Societies, etc. 12mo, paper, 10c. + +CHOICE OF PURSUITS: OR, WHAT TO DO AND WHY. Describing Seventy-five +Trades and Professions, and the Temperaments and Talents required for +each. With Portraits and Biographies of many successful Thinkers and +Workers. By Nelson Sizer. $1.75. + +HOW TO TEACH ACCORDING TO TEMPERAMENT AND MENTAL DEVELOPMENT; or, +Phrenology in the Schoolroom and the Family. By Nelson Sizer. +Illustrated. $1.50. + +FORTY YEARS IN PHRENOLOGY.--Embracing Recollections of History, +Anecdotes and Experience. $1.50. + +THOUGHTS ON DOMESTIC LIFE; or, Marriage Vindicated and Free Love +Exposed. 25c. + +CATHECHISM OF PHRENOLOGY.--Illustrating the Principles of the Science +by means of Questions and Answers. Revised and enlarged by Nelson +Sizer. 50c. + +HEADS AND FACES: HOW TO STUDY THEM. A Complete Manual of Phrenology +and Physiognomy for the People. By Prof. Nelson Sizer and H. S. +Drayton, M.D. Nearly 200 octavo pages and 200 illustrations, price in +paper, 40c.; ex. clo. $1.00. + + All claim to know something of How to Read Character but very + few understand all the Signs of Character as shown in the Head + and Face. This is a study of which one never tires; it is + always fresh, for you have always new text books. The book is + really a great Album of Portraits, and will be found of + interest for the illustrations alone. + +MEMORY AND INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT, applied to Self-Education and +Juvenile Instruction. By O. S. FOWLER. $1.00. + + The best work on the subject. + +HEREDITARY DESCENT.--Its Laws and Facts applied to Human Improvement. +By O. S Fowler. Illustrated. $1.00. + +THE SCIENCE OF THE MIND APPLIED TO TEACHING: Including the Human +Temperaments and their influence upon the Mind; The Analysis of the +Mental Faculties and how to develop and train them; The Theory of +Education and of the School, and Normal Methods of teaching the common +English branches. By Prof. U. J. HOFFMAN. Profusely illustrated. +$1.50. + +REMINISCENCES OF DR. SPURZHEIM AND GEORGE COMBE and a Review of the +Science of Phrenology from the period of its discovery by Dr. GALI to +the time of the visit of GEORGE COMBE to the United States, with a +portrait of Dr. SPURZHEIM, by NAHEM CAPEN, LL.D. Ex. clo. $1.25. + +EDUCATION AND SELF-IMPROVEMENT COMPLETE: Comprising "Physiology, +Animal and Mental," "Self-culture and Perfection of Character," +"Memory and Intellectual Improvement." By O. S. FOWLER. One large vol. +Illus. $3.00. + +SELF-CULTURE AND PERFECTION OF CHARACTER; Including the Management of +Children and Youth. $1.00. + + One of the best of the author's works. + +PHYSIOLOGY, ANIMAL AND MENTAL: Applied to the Preservation and +Restoration of Health of Body and Power of Mind. $1.00. + +PHRENOLOGY PROVED, ILLUSTRATED AND APPLIED. Embracing an Analysis of +the Primary Mental Powers in their Various Degrees of Development, and +location of the Phrenological Organs. The Mental Phenomena produced by +their combined action, and the location of the faculties amply +illustrated. By the Fowler Brothers. $1.25. + +SELF-INSTRUCTOR IN PHRENOLOGY AND PHYSIOLOGY. With over One Hundred +Engravings and a Chart for Phrenologists, for the Recording of +Phrenological Development. By the Fowler Brothers. 75c. + +PHRENOLOGICAL MISCELLANY OF ILLUSTRATED ANNUALS OF PHRENOLOGY AND +PHYSIOGNOMY, from 1865 to 1873 combined in one volume containing over +400 illustrations, many portraits and biographies of distinguished +personages. $1.50 + +REDFIELD'S COMPARATIVE PHYSIOGNOMY; or resemblances Between Men and +Animals, Illustrated. $2.50 + +PHRENOLOGY AND THE SCRIPTURES.--Showing the Harmony between Phrenology +and the Bible. 15 cents. + +PHRENOLOGICAL CHART. A symbolical Head 12 inches across, Lithographed +in colors, on paper 19 × 24 inches, mounted for hanging on the wall, +or suitable for framing. $1.00 + +EDUCATION: ITS ELEMENTARY PRINCIPLES FOUNDED ON THE NATURE OF MAN. By +J. G. Spurzheim, $1.25 + +NATURAL LAWS OF MAN.--A Philosophical Catechism. Sixth Edition. +Enlarged and improved by J. G. Spurzheim, M.D. 50 cents. + +LECTURES ON MENTAL SCIENCE.--According to the philosophy of +Phrenology. Delivered before the Anthropological Society. By Rev. G. +S. Weaver. Illustrated. $1.00 + +PHRENOLOGICAL BUST.--Showing the latest classification and exact +location of the Organs of the Brain. It is divided so as to show each +individual Organ on one side; with all the groups Social, Executive, +Intellectual and Moral, classified on the other. Large size (not +mailable) $1. Small 50 cents. + + +WORKS ON MAGNETISM. + + There is an increasing interest in the facts relating to + Magnetism, etc., and we present below a list of Works on this + subject. + +LIBRARY OF MESMERISM AND PSYCHOLOGY.--Comprising the Philosophy of +Mesmerism, Clairvoyance, Mental Electricity.--FASCINATION, or the +Power of Charming. Illustrating the Principles of Life in connection +with Spirit and Matter.--THE MACROCOSM or the Universe Without, being +an unfolding of the plan of Creation and the Correspondence of +Truths.--THE PHILOSOPHY OF ELECTRICAL PSYCHOLOGY; the Doctrine of +impressions, including the connection between Mind and Matter, also, +the Treatment of Diseases.--PSYCHOLOGY or the Science of the Soul, +considered Physiologically and Philosophically; with an Appendix +containing Notes of Mesmeric and Psychical experience and +Illustrations of the Brain and Nervous System. $3.50. + +PHILOSOPHY OF MESMERISM.--By Dr. John Bovee Dods. 50 cents. + +PHILOSOPHY OF ELECTRICAL PSYCHOLOGY. A course of Twelve Lectures. +$1.00 + +PRACTICAL INSTRUCTIONS IN ANIMAL MAGNETISM. By J. P. F. Deleuze. +Translated by Thomas C. Hartshorn. New and Revised edition, with an +appendix of notes by the Translator and Letters from Eminent +Physicians and others. $2.00 + +HISTORY OF SALEM WITCHCRAFT.--A review of Charles W. Upham's great +Work from the _Edinburgh Review_, with Notes by Samuel R. Wells +containing also, The Planchette Mystery, Spiritualism, by Mrs. Harriet +Beecher Stowe, and Dr. Doddridge's Dream. $1.00 + +FASCINATION: OR, THE PHILOSOPHY OF CHARMING. Illustrating the +Principles of Life in connection with Spirit and Matter. By J. B. +Newman, M.D. $1.00 + +HOW TO MAGNETIZE, OR MAGNETISM AND CLAIRVOYANCE.--A Practical Treatise +on the Choice, Management and Capabilities of Subjects, with +Instructions on the Method of Procedure. By J. V. Wilson. 25c. + + +HEALTH BOOKS. + +_This List Comprises the Best Works on Hygiene, Health, Etc._ + +HEALTH IN THE HOUSEHOLD OR HYGIENIC COOKERY; by Susanna W. Dodds, M.D. +12mo. ex. clo. $2.00. + + A novice in housekeeping will not be puzzled by this admirable + book, it is so simple, systematic, practical and withal + productive of much household pleasure, not only by means of the + delicious food prepared from its recipes, but through the + saving of labor and care to the housewife. + +HOUSEHOLD REMEDIES.--For the prevalent Disorders of the Human +Organism, by Felix Oswald, M.D. 12mo. pp. 229 $1.00. + + The author of this work is one of the keenest and most critical + writers on medical subjects now before the public. He writes + soundly and practically. He is an enthusiastic apostle of the + gospel of hygiene. We predict that his book will win many + converts to the faith and prove a valuable aid to those who are + already of the faith but are asking for "more light." + + Among the special ailments herein considered are Consumption, + Asthma, Dyspepsia, Climatic Fevers, Enteric Disorders, Nervous + Maladies, Catarrh, Pleurisy, etc. + +THE TEMPERAMENTS, OR VARIETIES OF PHYSICAL CONSTITUTION IN MAN, +considered in their relation to Mental Character and Practical Affairs +of Life. With an Introduction by H. S. Drayton, A. M. Editor of the +PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL. 150 Portraits and other illustrations, by D. H. +Jacques, M.D. $1.50. + +HOW TO GROW HANDSOME, OR HINTS TOWARD PHYSICAL PERFECTION and the +Philosophy of Human Beauty, showing How to Acquire and Retain Bodily +Symmetry, Health and Vigor, secure long life and avoid the infirmities +and deformities of age. New Edition, $1.00. + +MEDICAL ELECTRICITY.--A Manual for Students, showing the most +Scientific and Rational Application to all forms of Diseases, of the +different combinations of Electricity, Galvanism, Electro-Magnetism. +Magneto-Electricity, and Human Magnetism, by W. White, M.D. $1.50. + +THE MAN WONDERFUL IN THE HOUSE BEAUTIFUL.--An allegory teaching the +Principles of Physiology and Hygiene, and the effects of Stimulants +and Narcotics, by Drs. C. B. and Mary A. Allen. $1.50. + + To all who enjoy studies pertaining to the human body this book + will prove a boon. The accomplished physician, the gentle + mother, the modest girl, and the wide-awake school-boy will + find pleasure in its perusal. It is wholly unlike any book + previously published on the subject, and is such a thorough + teacher that progressive parents cannot afford to do without + it. + +THE FAMILY PHYSICIAN.--A Ready Prescriber and Hygienic Advisor With +Reference to the Nature, Causes, Prevention and Treatment of Diseases, +Accidents and Casualties of every kind with a Glossary and copious +index. Illustrated with nearly three hundred engravings, by Joel Shaw, +M.D. $3. + +HOW TO FEED THE BABY TO MAKE HER HEALTHY AND HAPPY, by C. E. Page, M.D. +12mo. third edition, revised and enlarged. Paper, 50c. extra cloth. +75c. + + This is the most important work ever published on the subject + of infant dietetics. + +THE NATURAL CURE OF CONSUMPTION, Constipation, Bright's Disease, +Neuralgia, Rheumatism, Colds, Fevers, etc. How these Disorders +Originate and How to Prevent Them. By C. E. Page, M.D. cloth, $1.00 + +HORSES, THEIR FEED AND THEIR FEET. A Manual of Horse Hygiene. +Invaluable to the veteran or the novice, pointing out the true sources +of disease, and how to prevent and counteract them. By C. E. Page, +M.D. Paper 50c.; cloth 75c. + + This is the best book on the care of horses ever published, + worth many times its cost to every horse owner. + +THE MOVEMENT CURE.--The History and Philosophy, of this System of +Medical Treatment, with examples of Single Movements, The Principles +of Massage, and directions for their Use in various Forms of Chronic +Diseases. New edition by G. H. Taylor, M.D. $1.50. + +MASSAGE.--Giving the Principles and directions for its application in +all Forms of Chronic Diseases, by G. H. Taylor, M.D. $1.00 + +THE SCIENCE OF A NEW LIFE.--By John Cowan, M.D. Ex. clo. $3.00. + +TOBACCO: ITS PHYSICAL, INTELLECTUAL AND MORAL EFFECTS ON THE HUMAN +SYSTEM, by Dr. Alcott. New and revised edition with notes and +additions by N. Sizer. 25c. + +SOBER AND TEMPERATE LIFE.--The Discourses and Letters of Louis Corbaro +on a Sober and Temperate Life. 50c. + +SMOKING AND DRINKING. By James Parton. 50c.; cloth. 75c. + +FOOD AND DIET. With observations on the Dietetical Regimen, suited for +Disordered States of the Digestive Organs, by J. Pereira, M.D., F.R.S. +$1.50. + +PRINCIPLES APPLIED TO THE PRESERVATION OF HEALTH and the improvement +of Physical and Mental Education, by Andrew Combe, M.D. Illustrated, +cloth, $1.50. + +WATER CURE IN CHRONIC DISEASES. An Exposition of the Causes, Progress, +and Termination of various Chronic Diseases of the Digestive Organs, +Lungs, Nerves. Limbs and Skin, and of their Treatment by Water and +other hygienic Means. By J. M. Gully, M.D. $1.25. + +SCIENCE OF HUMAN LIFE. With a copious Index and Biographical Sketch of +the author, Sylvester Graham. Illustrated, $3.00. + +MANAGEMENT OF INFANCY, PHYSIOLOGICAL AND MORAL TREATMENT. With Notes +and a Supplementary Chapter. $1.25. + +DIET QUESTION.--Giving the Reason Why, from "Health in the Household." +by S. W. Dodds, M.D. 25c. + +HEALTH MISCELLANY.--An important collection of Health Papers. Nearly +100 octavo pages. 25c. + +HOW TO BE WELL, OR COMMON SENSE MEDICAL HYGIENE. A book for the +People, giving directions for the Treatment and Cure of Acute Diseases +without the use of Drug Medicines; also General Hints on Health. $1.00 + +FOREORDAINED.--A Story of Heredity and of Special Paternal Influences, +by an Observer. 12mo. pp. 90. Paper, 50c.; extra cloth, 75c. + +CONSUMPTION, its Prevention and Cure by the Movement Cure. 25c. + +NOTES ON BEAUTY, VIGOR AND DEVELOPMENT; or, How to Acquire Plumpness +of Form, Strength of Limb and Beauty of Complexion. Illustrated. 10c. + +TEA AND COFFEE.--Their Physical, Intellectual and Moral Effects on the +Human System, by Dr. Alcott. NEW and revised edition with notes and +additions by Nelson Sizer. 25c. + +ACCIDENTS AND EMERGENCIES, a guide containing Directions for the +Treatment in Bleeding, Cuts. Sprains, Ruptures, Dislocations. Burns +and Scalds. Bites of Mad Dogs. Choking, Poisons, Fits, Sunstrokes, +Drowning, etc., by Alfred Smee, with Notes and additions by R. T. +Trall, M.D. New and revised edition. 25c. + +SPECIAL LIST.--We have in addition to the above, Private Medical Works +and Treatises. This Special List will be sent on receipt of stamp. + + +WORKS ON HYGIENE BY R. T. TRALL, M.D. + +_These works may be considered standard from the reformatory hygienic +standpoint. Thousands of people owe their lives and good health to +their teaching._ + +HYDROPATHIC ENCYCLOPEDIA.--A System of Hydropathy and Hygiene. +Physiology of the Human Body; Dietetics and Hydropathic Cookery; +Theory and Practice of Water Treatment; Special Pathology and +Hydro-Therapeutics, including the Nature, Causes, Symptoms and +Treatment of all known diseases; Application of Hydropathy to +Midwifery and the Nursery with nearly One Thousand Pages including a +Glossary. 2 vols. in one $4. + +HYGIENIC HAND-BOOK.--Intended as a Practical Guide for the Sick-room. +Arranged alphabetically. $1.25. + +ILLUSTRATED FAMILY GYMNASIUM.--Containing the most improved methods of +applying Gymnastic, Callisthenic, Kinesipathic and Vocal Exercises to +the Development of the Bodily Organs, the invigoration of their +functions, the preservation of Health and the Cure of Diseases and +Deformities. $1.25. + +THE HYDROPATHIC COOK-BOOK, with Recipes for Cooking on Hygienic +Principles. Containing also a Philosophical Exposition of the +Relations of Food to Health, the Chemical Elements and Proximate +Constitution of Alimentary Principles; the Nutritive Properties of all +kinds of Aliments; the Relative value of Vegetable and Animal +Substances; the Selection and Preservation of Dietetic Material, etc. +$1.00. + +FRUITS AND FARINACEA: THE PROPER FOOD OF MAN.--Being an attempt to +prove by History, Anatomy, Physiology and Chemistry that the Original, +Natural and Best Diet of Man is derived from the Vegetable Kingdom. By +John Smith. With Notes by Trall. $1.25. + +DIGESTION AND DYSPEPSIA.--A Complete Explanation of the Physiology of +the Digestive Processes, with the Symptoms and Treatment of Dyspepsia +and other Disorders. Illustrated. $1.00. + +THE MOTHER'S HYGIENE HAND-BOOK for the Normal Development and Training +of Women and Children, and the Treatment of their Diseases. $1.00. + +POPULAR PHYSIOLOGY.--A Familiar Exposition of the Structures, +Functions and Relations of the Human System and the Preservation of +Health. $1.25. + +THE TRUE TEMPERANCE PLATFORM.--An Exposition of the Fallacy of +Alcoholic Medication. 50 cents. + +THE ALCOHOLIC CONTROVERSY.--A Review of the _Westminster Review_ on +the Physiological Errors of Teetotalism. 50 cents. + +THE HUMAN VOICE.--Its Anatomy, Physiology, Pathology, Therapeutics and +Training, with Rules of Order for Lyceums. 50 cents. + +THE TRUE HEALING ART: OR HYGIENIC _VS._ DRUG MEDICATION. An Address +delivered before the Smithsonian Institute, Washington. D. C. 25 cts.; +clo., 50 cents. + +WATER-CURE FOR THE MILLION.--The processes of Water Cure Explained. +Rules for Bathing, Dieting, Exercising, Recipes for Cooking, etc., +etc. Directions for Home Treatment. Paper. 15 cts. + +HYGEIAN HOME COOK-BOOK: OR HEALTHFUL AND PALATABLE FOOD WITHOUT +CONDIMENTS. 25 cts. clo., 50 cents. + +DISEASES OF THROAT AND LUNGS.--Including Diphtheria and its Proper +Treatment. 25 cents. + +THE BATH.--Its History and Uses in Health and Disease. 35c.; clo., +50c. + +A HEALTH CATECHISM.--Questions and Answers. With Illus. 10 c. + + +MISCELLANEOUS WORKS. + +HAND-BOOKS FOR HOME IMPROVEMENT (EDUCATIONAL); comprising, "How to +Write," "How to Talk," "How to Behave," and "How to do Business." One +12mo vol. $2.00. + +HOW TO WRITE.--A manual of Composition and Letter-Writing. 60c. + +HOW TO TALK.--A Pocket Manual of Conversation and Debate, more than +Five Hundred Common Mistakes in Speaking Corrected. 60c. + +HOW TO BEHAVE.--A Pocket Manual of Republican Etiquette and Guide to +Correct Personal Habits with Rules for Debating Societies and +Deliberative Assemblies. 60c. + +HOW TO DO BUSINESS.--A Manual of Practical Affairs and a Guide to +Success in Life, with a Collection of Legal and Commercial Forms. 60c. + +HOW TO READ.--What and Why; or Hints in Choosing the Best Books, with +a Classified List of Best Works in Biography, Criticism, Fine Arts, +History, Novels, Poetry, Science, Religion, Foreign Languages, etc. By +A. V. Petit. Cloth, 60c. + +HOW TO SING; or, the Voice and How to Use it. By William H. Daniell. +50c.; clo. 75c. + +HOW TO CONDUCT A PUBLIC MEETING; or the Chairman's Guide for +Conducting Meetings. 15c. + +HOPES AND HELPS FOR THE YOUNG OF BOTH SEXES.--Relating to the +Formation of Character, Choice of Avocation, Health, Amusement, Music, +Conversation, Social Affections, Courtship and Marriage, by Rev G. S. +Weaver. $1.00 + +AIMS AND AIDS FOR GIRLS AND YOUNG WOMEN, on the Various Duties of +Life. Including Physical, Intellectual and Moral Development, Dress, +Beauty, Fashion, Employment, Education, the Home Relations, their +Duties to Young Men, Marriage, Womanhood and Happiness, by the same +$1.00. + +WAYS OF LIFE, showing the Right Way and the Wrong Way Contrasting the +High Way and the Low Way; the True Way and the False Way; the Upward +Way and the Downward Way; the Way of Honor and of Dishonor, by Rev. G. +S. Weaver. 75c. + +THE CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD.--Embracing the Husband, Wife, Father, Mother, +Child, Brother and Sister, by Rev. G. S. Weaver. 75c. + +WEAVER'S WORKS FOR THE YOUNG, Comprising "Hopes and Helps for the +Young of Both Sexes," "Aims and Aids for Girls and Young Women," "Ways +of Life; or, the Right Way and the Wrong Way." One Vol. 12mo. $2.50 + +A NATURAL SYSTEM OF ELOCUTION AND ORATORY.--Founded on an analysis of +the Human Constitution, considered in its threefold Nature, Mental, +Physiological and Expressional. By THOS. A. HYDE and WM. HYDE. +Illustrated. $2.50. + +THE EMPHATIC DIAGLOTT, CONTAINING THE ORIGINAL GREEK TEXT OF THE NEW +TESTAMENT, with an interlineary Word-for-Word English Translation: a +New Emphatic Version based on the Interlineary Translation, on the +Readings of the Vatican Manuscript, by Benjamin Wilson. 884 pp. $4.00. +ex., $5.00. + +A BACHELOR'S TALKS ABOUT MARRIED LIFE AND THINGS ADJACENT, by Rev. +William Aikman, D.D. $1.50 + +LIFE AT HOME; or The Family and its members. Including Husbands and +Wives, Parents, Children, Brothers, Sisters, Employers and Employed. +The Altar in the House. By Dr. Aikman. $1.50. gilt. $2.00. + +A LUCKY WAIF.--A story for Mothers, of Home and School Life, by Ellen +E. Kenyon. 12mo. $1.00. + +ORATORY--SACRED AND SECULAR; or, the Extemporaneous Speaker, including +a Chairman's Guide for conducting Public Meetings according to the +best Parliamentary forms, by Wm. Pittenger. $1.00. + +THE CHILDREN OF THE BIBLE. By Fanny L. Armstrong, with an Introduction +by Frances E. Willard, Pres. N. W. C. T. U. clo. $1. + +THE TEMPERANCE REFORMATION.--Its History from the first Temperance +Society in the U. S. to the Adoption of the Maine Liquor Law. $1.00. + +ÆSOP'S FABLES.--With Seventy Splendid Illustrations. One vol. 12mo. +fancy cloth, gilt edges, $1.00 + +POPE'S ESSAY ON MAN, with illustrations and Notes by S. R. Wells, +tinted paper, clo. full gilt. $1.00. + +GEMS OF GOLDSMITH; "The Traveler," "The Deserted Village," "The +Hermit." With notes and Original Illustrations, and Biographical +Sketch of the great author. One vol., fancy cloth, full gilt. $1.00. + +THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT MARINER. In Seven Parts. By Samuel T. +Coleridge. With new illus. by Chapman, fancy clo., full gilt, $1.00 + +IMMORTALITY INHERENT IN NATURE. By Sumner Barlow, author of "The +Voices" and other poems, ex. cloth, full gilt. 60c. + +HOW TO PAINT.--A Complete Compendium of the Art. Designed for the use +of Tradesmen, Mechanics, Merchants and Farmers, and a Guide to the +Professional Painter. Containing a plain Common sense statement of the +Methods employed by Painters to produce satisfactory results in Plain +and Fancy Painting of every Description including Gilding, Bronzing, +Staining, Graining, Marbling. Varnishing, Polishing, Kalsomining, +Paper Hanging, Striping, Lettering, Copying and Ornamenting, with +Formulas for Mixing Paint in Oil or Water. Description of Various +Pigments used; tools required etc. $1.00. + +CARRIAGE PAINTER'S ILLUSTRATED MANUAL, containing a Treatise on the +Art, Science and Mystery of Coach, Carriage, and Car Painting. +Including the Improvements in Fine Gilding, Bronzing, Staining, +Varnishing, Polishing, Copying, Lettering, Scrolling, and Ornamenting. +By F. B. Gardner. $1.00. + +HOW TO KEEP A STORE; embodying the Experience of Thirty Years, in +Merchandizing. By S. H. Terry. $1.50. + +HOW TO RAISE FRUIT.--A Hand-book. Being a Guide to the Cultivation and +Management of Fruit Trees, and of Grapes and Small Fruits. With +Descriptions of the Best and Most Popular Varieties. Illustrated. By +Thomas Gregg. $1.00. + +HOW TO BE WEATHER-WISE.--A new View of our Weather System, by I. P. +Noyes. 25c. + +HOW TO LIVE.--Saving and Wasting; or, Domestic Economy Illustrated by +the Life of two Families of Opposite Character, Habits, and Practices, +Useful Lessons in Housekeeping and Hints How to Live, How to Have, and +How to be Happy including the Story of "A Dime a Day," by Solon +Robinson. $1.00. + +HOMES FOR ALL; OR THE GRAVEL WALL. A New Cheap and Superior Mode of +Building, adapted to Rich and Poor. Showing the Superiority of the +Gravel Concrete over Brick, Stone and Frame Houses; Manner of Making +and Depositing it. By O. S. Fowler. $1.00. + +THE MODEL POTATO.--Proper cultivation and mode of cooking. 30c. + +THREE VISITS TO AMERICA, by Emily Faithful. 400 pages. $1.50. + +A NEW THEORY OF THE ORIGIN OF SPECIES. By Benj. G. Farris. $1.50. + +MAN IN GENESIS AND IN GEOLOGY, or, the Biblical Account of Man's +Creation tested by Scientific Theories of his Origin and Antiquity, by +J. P. Thompson, D.D., LL.D. $1.00 + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of How To Behave: A Pocket Manual Of +Republican Etiquette, And Guide To Correct Personal Habits, by Samuel R Wells + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOW TO BEHAVE *** + +***** This file should be named 26597-8.txt or 26597-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/6/5/9/26597/ + +Produced by Bryan Ness, Karen Dalrymple, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images from the Mann Library, Cornell +University.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: How To Behave: A Pocket Manual Of Republican Etiquette, And Guide To Correct Personal Habits + Embracing An Exposition Of The Principles Of Good Manners; + Useful Hints On The Care Of The Person, Eating, Drinking, + Exercise, Habits, Dress, Self-Culture, And Behavior At + Home; The Etiquette Of Salutations, Introductions, + Receptions, Visits, Dinners, Evening Parties, Conversation, + Letters, Presents, Weddings, Funerals, The Street, The + Church, Places Of Amusement, Traveling, Etc., With + Illustrative Anecdotes, a Chapter on Love and Courtship, + and Rules of Order for Debating Societies + +Author: Samuel R Wells + +Release Date: September 12, 2008 [EBook #26597] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOW TO BEHAVE *** + + + + +Produced by Bryan Ness, Karen Dalrymple, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images from the Mann Library, Cornell +University.) + + + + + + +</pre> + + + + +<div class="center"><i>HAND-BOOKS FOR HOME IMPROVEMENT—No. III</i></div> + +<hr class="half" /> +<h1>HOW TO BEHAVE</h1> + +<h2> +<br /> +A POCKET MANUAL<br /><br /> +<span class="small">OF</span><br /> +<span class="large">Republican Etiquette,</span><br /> +<span class="small">AND</span><br /> +<span class="medium">GUIDE TO CORRECT PERSONAL HABITS,</span><br /> +<span class="small">EMBRACING<br /><br /> +AN EXPOSITION OF THE PRINCIPLES OF GOOD MANNERS; USEFUL HINTS ON THE +CARE<br /> OF THE PERSON, EATING, DRINKING, EXERCISE, HABITS, DRESS, +SELF-CULTURE, AND<br /> BEHAVIOR AT HOME; THE ETIQUETTE OF SALUTATIONS, +INTRODUCTIONS,<br /> RECEPTIONS, VISITS, DINNERS, EVENING PARTIES, +CONVERSATION,<br /> LETTERS, PRESENTS, WEDDINGS, FUNERALS, THE STREET, THE<br /> +CHURCH, PLACES OF AMUSEMENT, TRAVELING, ETC.,<br /><br /> +WITH<br /><br /> +<span class="smcap">Illustrative Anecdotes, a Chapter on Love and Courtship, and Rules of +Order for Debating Societies.</span></span><br /><br /> +</h2> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;"> +<img src="images/img1.jpg" width="350" height="39" alt="Signature: Samuel R. (Roberts) Wells" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr class="quarter" /> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>The air and manner which we neglect, as little things, are +frequently what the world judges us by, and makes them decide +for or against us.—<i>La Bruyère.</i> Order my steps in thy +word.—<i>Bible.</i></p></div> + +<hr class="quarter" /> + +<div class="center"> +NEW YORK:<br /> +FOWLER & WELLS CO., PUBLISHERS,<br /> +753 <span class="smcap">Broadway</span>.<br /> +1887.<br /> +</div> + +<div class="center"> +<br /><br /> +<span class="medium">ENTERED, ACCORDING TO ACT OF CONGRESS IN THE YEAR 1857 BY</span><br /> +FOWLER AND WELLS<br /> +<span class="medium">IN THE CLERK'S OFFICE OF THE DISTRICT COURT OF THE UNITED<br /> +STATES FOR THE SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF NEW YORK</span> +</div> + + +<hr class="section" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_v" id="Page_v">[Pg v]</a></span></p> +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> + +<hr class="quarter" /> + +<div class="center"><a href="#INTRODUCTION">INTRODUCTION.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">Politeness Defined—The Foundation of Good Manners—The Civil Code and +the Code of Civility—The Instinct of Courtesy—Chesterfield's +Method—The Golden Rule—American Politeness—Utility of Good Manners +Illustrated.<span class="linenum">Page <a href='#Page_ix'>ix</a></span></div> + + +<div class="center"><a href="#I">I.—PERSONAL HABITS.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">Where to Commence—Care of the Person a Social Duty—Cleanliness—The +Daily Bath—Soap and Water—The Feet—Change of Linen—The Nails—The +Head—The Teeth—The Breath—Eating and Drinking—What to Eat—When to +Eat—How much to Eat—What to Drink—Breathing—Exercise—The +Complexion—Tobacco—Spitting—Gin and Gentility—Onions, etc.—Little +Things<span class="linenum"><a href='#Page_15'>15</a></span></div> + + +<div class="center"><a href="#II">II.—DRESS.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">The Meaning of Dress—The Uses of Dress—Fitness the First Essential—The +Art of Dress—The Short Dress for Ladies—Working-Dress for +Gentlemen—Ornaments—Materials for Dress—Mrs. Manners on Dress—The +Hair and Beard—Art <i>vs.</i> Fashion—Signs of the Good Time Coming<span class="linenum"> <a href='#Page_31'>31</a></span></div> + + +<div class="center"><a href="#III">III.—SELF-CULTURE.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">Moral and Social Training—Cultivation of Language—Position and +Movement—The Ease and Grace of Childhood—Standing—Sitting—Walking— +Hints to the Ladies—Self-Command— Observation—Practical Lesson<span class="linenum"> <a href='#Page_42'>42</a></span></div> + + +<div class="center"><a href="#IV">IV.—FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">Manners and Morals—Human Rights—Duties—The Rights of the +Senses—The Faculties and their Claims—Expression of Opinions—The +Sacredness of Privacy—Conformity—Singing out of Tune—Doing as the +Romans Do—Courtesy <i>vs.</i> Etiquette—An Anecdote—Harmony—Equality—A +Remark to be Remembered—General Principles more Important than +Particular Observances<span class="linenum"> <a href='#Page_48'>48</a></span></div> + + +<div class="center"><a href="#V">V.—DOMESTIC MANNERS.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">A Test of Good Manners—Good Behavior at Home—American +Children—Teaching Children to be Polite—Behavior to +Parents—Brothers and Sisters—Husband and Wife—Married +Lovers—Entertaining Guests—Letting your Guests Alone—Making one "at +Home"—Making Apologies—Duties of Guests—Treatment of +Servants—Rights of Servants—"Thank You"<span class="linenum"> <a href='#Page_56'>56</a></span></div> + + +<div class="center"><a href="#VI">VI.—THE OBSERVANCES OF EVERY-DAY LIFE.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">Introductions—Letters of Introduction—Speaking without an +Introduction—Salutations— Receptions—Visits and Calls—Table +Manners—Conversations—Chesterfield on Conversation—Music—Letters +and Notes—Up and Down Stairs<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_vi" id="Page_vi">[Pg vi]</a></span> —Which Goes First?—An American +Habit—Gloved or Ungloved?—Equality—False Shame—Pulling out one's +Watch—Husband and Wife—Bowing <i>vs.</i> Curtseying—Presents— +Snobbery—Children<span class="linenum"> <a href='#Page_64'>64</a></span></div> + + +<div class="center"><a href="#VII">VII.—ETIQUETTE OF OCCASIONS.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">Dinner Parties—Invitations—Dress—Punctuality—Going to the +Table—Arrangement of Guests—Duties of the Host—Duties of the +Guests—The "Grace"—Eating Soup—Fish—The Third Course—What to do +with your Knife and Fork—Declining Wine—Finger Glasses—Carving— +Evening Parties and their Observances—French Leave—Sports and +Games—Promiscuous Kissing—Dancing—Christmas—The New Year— +Thanksgiving—Birthdays—Excursions and Picnics—Weddings—Funerals<span class="linenum"> <a href='#Page_83'>83</a></span></div> + + +<div class="center"><a href="#VIII">VIII.—THE ETIQUETTE OF PLACES.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">How to Behave on the Street—Stopping Business Men on the +Street—Walking with Ladies—Shopping—At Church—At Places of +Amusement—In a Picture Gallery—The Presence—Traveling—The Rush for +Places—The Rights of Fellow-Travelers—Giving up Seats to the +Ladies—A Hint to the Ladies on Politeness—Paying Fares<span class="linenum"> <a href='#Page_100'>100</a></span></div> + + +<div class="center"><a href="#IX">IX.—LOVE AND COURTSHIP.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">Boyish Loves—The Proper Age to Marry—Waiting for a Fortune—Importance +of Understanding Physiological Laws—Earnestness and Sincerity in Love— +Particular Attentions—Presents— Confidants—Declarations—Asking +"Pa"—Refusals—Engagement—Breaking Off—Marriage<span class="linenum"> <a href='#Page_110'>110</a></span></div> + + +<div class="center"><a href="#X">X.—PARLIAMENTARY ETIQUETTE.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">Courtesy in Debate—Origin of the Parliamentary Code—Rules of +Order— Motions—Speaking—Submitting a Question—Voting—A Quorum The +Democratic Principle—Privileged Questions—Order of Business—Order +of Debate<span class="linenum"> <a href='#Page_116'>116</a></span></div> + + +<div class="center"><a href="#XI">XI.—MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">Republican Distinctions—Natural Inequalities—American Toad +Eaters—General Lack of Reverence for Real Nobility—City and +Country—Imported Manners—Fictitious Titles—A Mirror for Certain +Men—Washington's Code of Manners—Our Social Uniform—A Hint to the +Ladies—An Obliging Disposition—Securing a Home—Taste <i>vs.</i> +Fashion—Special Claims—Propriety of Deportment—False +Pride—Awkwardness of being Dressed<span class="linenum"> <a href='#Page_124'>124</a></span></div> + + +<div class="center"><a href="#XII">XII.—MAXIMS FROM CHESTERFIELD.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">Cheerfulness and Good Humor—The Art of Pleasing—Adaptation of +Manners—Bad Habits—Do what you are About—People who Never Learn—Local +Manners—How to Confer Favors—How to Refuse—Spirit—Civility to Women<span class="linenum"> <a href='#Page_135'>135</a></span></div> + + +<div class="center"><a href="#XIII">XIII.—ILLUSTRATIVE ANECDOTES.</a></div> + +<div class="chap">Elder Blunt and Sister Scrub Taking off the Hat, or John and his +Employer—A Learned Man at Table—English Women in High Life—"Say so, +if you Please"<span class="linenum"> <a href='#Page_139'>139</a></span></div> + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_vii" id="Page_vii">[Pg vii]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="PREFACE" id="PREFACE"></a>PREFACE.</h2> + + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 75px;"> +<img src="images/imgt.jpg" width="75" height="168" alt="T" title="" /> +</div><p>his is an honest and earnest little book, if it has no other merit; +and has been prepared expressly for the use of the young people of our +great Republic, whom it is designed to aid in becoming, what we are +convinced they all desire to be, true American ladies and gentlemen.</p> + +<p>Desiring to make our readers something better than mere imitators of +foreign manners, often based on social conditions radically different +from our own—something better than imitators of <i>any</i> manners, in +fact, we have dwelt at greater length and with far more emphasis upon +general principles, than upon special observances, though the latter +have their place in our work. It has been our first object to impress +upon their minds the fact, that good manners and good morals rest upon +the same basis, and that justice and benevolence can no more be +satisfied without the one than without the other.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_viii" id="Page_viii">[Pg viii]</a></span></p> +<p>As in the other numbers of this series of Hand-Books, so in this, we +have aimed at usefulness rather than originality; but our plan being +radically different from that of most other manuals of etiquette, we +have been able to avail ourself to only a very limited extent of the +labors of others, except in the matter of mere conventional forms.</p> + +<p>Sensible of the imperfections of our work, but hoping that it will do +some acceptable service in the cause of good manners, and aid, in a +humble way, in the building up of a truly American and republican +school of politeness, we now submit it, with great deference, to a +discerning public.</p> + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_ix" id="Page_ix">[Pg ix]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="INTRODUCTION" id="INTRODUCTION"></a>INTRODUCTION.</h2> + + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 63px;"> +<img src="images/imgs.jpg" width="63" height="163" alt="S" title="" /> +</div><p>ome one has defined politeness as "only an elegant form of justice;" +but it is something more. It is the result of the combined action of +all the moral and social feelings, guided by judgment and refined by +taste. It requires the exercise of benevolence, veneration (in its +human aspect), adhesiveness, and ideality, as well as of +conscientiousness. It is the spontaneous recognition of human +solidarity—the flowering of philanthropy—the fine art of the social +passions. It is to the heart what music is to the ear, and painting +and sculpture to the eye.</p> + +<p>One can not commit a greater mistake than to make politeness a mere +matter of arbitrary forms. It has as real and permanent a foundation +in the nature and relations of men and women, as have government and +the common law. The civil code is not more binding upon us than is the +code of civility. Portions of the former become, from time to time, +inoperative—mere dead letters on the statute-book, on account of the +conditions on which they were founded ceasing to exist; and many of +the enactments of the latter lose their significance and binding force +from the same cause. Many of the forms now in vogue, in what is called +fashionable society, are of this character. Under the circumstances +which called them into existence they were appropriate and beautiful; +under changed circumstances they are simply absurd. There are other +forms of observances over which time and place have no influence—which +are always and everywhere binding.</p> + +<p>Politeness itself is always the same. The rules of etiquette, which +are merely the forms in which it finds expression, vary with time and +place. A sincere regard for the rights of others, in the smallest +matters as well as the largest, genuine kindness of heart; good taste, +and self-command, which are the foundations of good manners, are never +out of fashion; and a person who possesses them<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_x" id="Page_x">[Pg x]</a></span> can hardly be rude or +discourteous, however far he may transgress conventional usages: +lacking these qualities, the most perfect knowledge of the rules of +etiquette and the strictest observance of them will not suffice to +make one truly polite.</p> + +<p>"Politeness," says La Bruyère, "seems to be a certain care, by the +manner of our words and actions, to make others pleased with us and +themselves." This definition refers the matter directly to those +qualities of mind and heart already enumerated as the foundations of +good manners. To the same effect is the remark of Madame Celnart, that +"the grand secret of never-failing propriety of deportment is <i>to have +an intention of always doing right</i>."</p> + +<p>Some persons have the "instinct of courtesy" so largely developed that +they seem hardly to need culture at all. They are equal to any +occasion, however novel. They never commit blunders, or if they do +commit them, they seem not to be blunders in them. So there are those +who sing, speak, or draw intuitively—by inspiration. The great +majority of us, however, must be content to acquire these arts by +study and practice. In the same way we must acquire the art of +behavior, so far as behavior is an art. We must possess, in the first +place, a sense of equity, good-will toward our fellow-men, kind +feelings, magnanimity and self-control. Cultivation will do the rest. +But we most never forget that manners as well as morals are founded on +certain eternal principles, and that while "the <i>letter</i> killeth," +"the <i>spirit</i> giveth <i>life</i>."</p> + +<p>The account which Lord Chesterfield gives of the method by which he +acquired the reputation of being the most polished man in England, is +a strong example of the efficacy of practice, in view of which no one +need despair. He was naturally singularly deficient in that grace +which afterward so distinguished him. "I had a strong desire," he +says, "to please, and was sensible that I had nothing but the desire. +I therefore resolved, if possible, to acquire the means too. I studied +attentively and minutely the dress, the air, the manner, the address, +and the turn of conversation of all those whom I found to be the +people in fashion, and most generally allowed to please. I imitated +them as well as I could: if I heard that one man was reckoned +remarkably genteel, I carefully watched his dress, motions, and +attitudes, and formed my own upon them. When I heard of another whose +conversation was agreeable and engaging I listened and attended to the +turn of it. I addressed myself, though <i>de très mauvaise grâce</i> [with +a very bad grace], to all the most fashionable fine ladies; confessed +and laughed with them at my own<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xi" id="Page_xi">[Pg xi]</a></span> awkwardness and rawness, recommending +myself as an object for them to try their skill in forming."</p> + +<p>Lord Bacon says: "To attain good manners it almost sufficeth not to +despise them, and that if a man labor too much to express them, he +shall lose their grace, which is to be natural and unaffected."</p> + +<p>To these testimonies we may add the observation of La Rochefoucauld, +that "in manners there are no good copies, for besides that the copy +is almost always clumsy or exaggerated, the air which is suited to one +person sits ill upon another."</p> + +<p>The greater must have been the genius of Chesterfield which enabled +him to make the graces of others his own, appropriating them only so +far as they <i>fitted him</i>, instead of blindly and servilely imitating +his models.</p> + +<p>C. P. Bronson truly says: "In politeness, as in every thing else +connected with the formation of character, we are too apt to begin on +the outside, instead of the inside; instead of beginning with the +heart, and trusting to that to form the manners, many begin with the +manners, and leave the heart to chance and influences. The golden rule +contains the very life and soul of politeness: 'Do unto others as you +would they should do unto you.' Unless children and youth are taught, +by precept and example, to abhor what is selfish, and prefer another's +pleasure and comfort to their own, their politeness will be entirely +artificial, and used only when interest and policy dictate. True +politeness is perfect freedom and ease, treating others just as you +love to be treated. Nature is always graceful: affectation, with all +her art, can never produce any thing half so pleasing. The very +perfection of elegance is to imitate nature; how much better to have +the reality than the imitation! Anxiety about the opinions of others +fetters the freedom of nature and tends to awkwardness; all would +appear well if they never tried to assume what they do not possess."</p> + +<p>A writer in <i>Life Illustrated</i>, to whose excellent observations on +etiquette we shall have further occasion to refer, contends that the +instinct of courtesy is peculiarly strong in the American people. "It +is shown," he says, "in the civility which marks our intercourse with +one another. It is shown in the deference which is universally paid to +the presence of the gentler sex. It is shown in the excessive fear +which prevails among us of offending public opinion. It is shown in +the very extravagances of our costume and decoration, in our lavish +expenditures upon house and equipage. It is shown in the avidity with +which every new work is bought and read which<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xii" id="Page_xii">[Pg xii]</a></span> pretends to lay down +the laws that govern the behavior of circles supposed to be, <i>par +excellence</i>, polite. It is shown in the fact, that, next to calling a +man a liar, the most offensive and stinging of all possible +expressions is, 'You are no gentleman!'"</p> + +<p>He claims that this is a national trait, and expresses the belief that +every uncorrupt American man desires to be, and to be thought, a +gentleman; that every uncorrupt American woman desires to be, and to +be thought, a lady.</p> + +<p>"But," he adds, "the instinct of courtesy is not enough, nor is +opportunity equivalent to possession. The truth is palpable, that our +men are not all gentlemen, nor our women all ladies, nor our children +all docile and obliging. In that small and insignificant circle which +is called 'Society,' which, small and insignificant as it is, gives +the tone to the manners of the nation, the chief efforts seem to be, +to cleanse the outside of the platter, to conceal defects by gloss and +glitter. Its theory of politeness and its maxims of behavior are drawn +from a state of things so different from that which here prevails, +that they produce in us little besides an exaggerated ungracefulness, +a painful constraint, a complete artificiality of conduct and +character. We are trying to shine in borrowed plumes. We would glisten +with foreign varnish. To produce an <i>effect</i> is our endeavor. We +prefer to <i>act</i>, rather than <i>live</i>. The politeness which is based on +sincerity, good-will, self-conquest, and a minute, habitual regard for +the rights of others, is not, we fear, the politeness which finds +favor in the saloons upon which the upholsterer has exhausted the +resources of his craft. Yet without possessing, in a certain degree, +the qualities we have named, no man ever did, and no man ever will, +become a gentleman. Where they do not bear sway, society may be +brilliant in garniture, high in pretension, but it is intrinsically +and incurably <i>vulgar</i>!"</p> + +<p>The utility of good manners is universally acknowledged perhaps, but +the extent to which genuine courtesy may be made to contribute to our +success as well as our happiness is hardly realized. We can not more +satisfactorily illustrate this point than by quoting the following +lesson of experience from the Autobiography of the late Dr. Caldwell, +the celebrated physician and phrenologist:</p> + +<p>"In the year 1825 I made, in London, in a spirit of wager, a decisive +and satisfactory experiment as to the effect of civil and courteous +manners on people of various ranks and descriptions.</p> + +<p>"There were in a place a number of young Americans, who often +complained to me of the neglect and rudeness experienced by them<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xiii" id="Page_xiii">[Pg xiii]</a></span> from +citizens to whom they spoke in the streets. They asserted, in +particular, that as often as they requested directions to any point in +the city toward which they were proceeding, they either received an +uncivil and evasive answer, or none at all. I told them that my +experience on the same subject had been exceedingly different: that I +had never failed to receive a civil reply to my questions—often +communicating the information requested: and that I could not help +suspecting that their failure to receive similar answers arose, in +part at least, if not entirely, to the plainness, not to say the +bluntness, of their manner in making their inquiries. The correctness +of this charge, however, they sturdily denied, asserting that their +manner of asking for information was good enough for those to whom +they addressed themselves. Unable to convince them by words of the +truth of my suspicions, I proposed to them the following simple and +conclusive experiment:</p> + +<p>"'Let us take together a walk of two or three hours in some of the +public streets of the city. You shall yourselves designate the persons +to whom I shall propose questions, and the subjects also to which the +question shall relate; and the only restriction imposed is, that no +question shall be proposed to any one who shall appear to be greatly +hurried, agitated, distressed, or any other way deeply preoccupied, in +mind or body, and no one shall speak to the person questioned but +myself.'</p> + +<p>"My proposition being accepted, out we sallied, and to work we went; +and I continued my experiment until my young friends surrendered at +discretion, frankly acknowledging that my opinion was right, and +theirs, of course was wrong; and that, in our passage through life, +courtesy of address and deportment may be made both a pleasant and +powerful means to attain our ends and gratify our wishes.</p> + +<p>"I put questions to more than twenty persons of every rank, from the +high-bred gentleman to the servant in livery, and received in every +instance a satisfactory reply. If the information asked for was not +imparted, the individual addressed gave an assurance of his at being +unable to communicate it.</p> + +<p>"What seemed to surprise my friends was, that the individuals accosted +by me almost uniformly imitated my own manner. If I uncovered my head, +as I did in speaking to a gentleman, or even to a man of ordinary +appearance and breeding, he did the same in his reply; and when I +touched my hat to a liveried coachman or waiting man, his hat was +immediately under his arm. So much may be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xiv" id="Page_xiv">[Pg xiv]</a></span> done, and such advantages +gained, by simply avoiding coarseness and vulgarity, and being well +bred and agreeable. Nor can the case be otherwise. For the foundation +of good breeding is good nature and good sense—two of the most useful +and indispensable attributes of a well-constituted mind. Let it not be +forgotten, however, that good breeding is not to be regarded as +identical with politeness—a mistake which is too frequently, if not +generally, committed. A person may be exceedingly polite without the +much higher and more valuable accomplishment of good breeding."</p> + +<p>Believing that the natural qualities essential to the character of the +gentleman or the lady exist in a high degree among our countrymen and +countrywomen, and that they universally desire to develop these +qualities, and to add to them the necessary knowledge of all the truly +significant and living forms and usages of good society, we have +written the work now before you. We have not the vanity to believe +that the mere reading of it will, of itself, convert an essentially +vulgar person into a lady or a gentleman; but we do hope that we have +furnished those who most need it with available and efficient aid; and +in this hope we dedicate this little "Manual of Republican Etiquette" +to all who are, or would be, in the highest sense of these terms,</p> + +<div class="center">TRUE REPUBLICAN LADIES OR GENTLEMEN</div> + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2>HOW TO BEHAVE.</h2> + + + +<hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="I" id="I"></a>I.</h2> + +<h2>PERSONAL HABITS.</h2> + +<div class="center medium"><br />Attention to the person is the first necessity of good +manners.—<i>Anon.</i></div> + + +<h3><br />I.—WHERE TO COMMENCE.</h3> + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 55px;"> +<img src="images/imgi.jpg" width="55" height="170" alt="I" title="" /> +</div><p>f you wish to commence aright the study of manners, you must make +your own person the first lesson. If you neglect this you will apply +yourself to those which follow with very little profit. Omit, +therefore, any other chapter in the book rather than this.</p> + +<p>The proper care and adornment of the person is a social as well as an +individual duty. You have a right to go about with unwashed hands and +face, and to wear soiled and untidy garments, perhaps, but you have no +right to offend the senses of others by displaying such hands, face, +and garments in society. Other people have rights as well as yourself, +and no right of yours can extend so far as to infringe theirs.</p> + +<p>But we may safely assume that no reader of these pages wishes to +render himself disgusting or even disagreeable or to cut himself off +from the society of his fellow-men. We address those who seek social +intercourse and desire<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span> to please. <i>They</i> will not think our words +amiss, even though they may seem rather "personal;" since we have +their highest good in view, and speak in the most friendly spirit. +Those who do not need our hints and suggestions under this head, and +to whom none of our remarks may apply, will certainly have the +courtesy to excuse them for the sake of those to whom they will be +useful.</p> + + +<h3>II.—CLEANLINESS.</h3> + +<p>"Cleanliness is akin to godliness," it is said. It is not less closely +related to gentility. First of all, then, keep yourself scrupulously +clean—not your hands and face merely, but your whole person, from the +crown of your head to the sole of your foot. Silk stockings may hide +dirty feet and ankles from the eye, but they often reveal themselves +to another sense, when the possessor little dreams of such an +exposure. It is far better to dress coarsely and out of fashion and be +strictly clean, than to cover a dirty skin with the finest and richest +clothing. A coarse shirt or a calico dress is not necessarily vulgar, +but dirt is essentially so. We do not here refer, of course, to one's +condition while engaged in his or her industrial occupation. Soiled +hands and even a begrimed face are badges of honor in the field, the +workshop, or the kitchen, but in a country in which soap and water +abound, there is no excuse for carrying them into the parlor or the +dining-room.</p> + +<p>A clean skin is as essential to health, beauty, and personal comfort +as it is to decency; and without health and that perfect freedom from +physical disquiet which comes only from the normal action of all the +functions of the bodily organs, your behavior can never be +satisfactory to yourself or agreeable to others. Let us urge you, +then, to give this matter your first attention.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span></p> +<h4>1. <i>The Daily Bath.</i></h4> + +<p>To keep clean you must bathe frequently. In the first place you should +wash the whole body with pure soft water every morning on rising from +your bed, rubbing it till dry with a coarse towel, and afterward using +friction with the hands. If you have not been at all accustomed to +cold bathing, commence with tepid water, lowering the temperature by +degrees till that which is perfectly cold becomes agreeable. In warm +weather, comfort and cleanliness alike require still more frequent +bathing. Mohammed made frequent ablutions a religious duty; and in +that he was right. The rank and fetid odors which exhale from a foul +skin can hardly be neutralized by the sweetest incense of devotion.</p> + + +<h4>2. <i>Soap and Water.</i></h4> + +<p>But the daily bath of which we have spoken is not sufficient. In +addition to the pores from which exudes the watery fluid called +perspiration, the skin is furnished with innumerable minute openings, +known as the sebaceous follicles, which pour over its surface a thin +limpid oil anointing it and rendering it soft and supple; but also +causing the dust as well as the effete matter thrown out by the pores +to adhere, and, if allowed to accumulate, finally obstructing its +functions and causing disease. It also, especially in warm weather, +emits an exceedingly disagreeable odor. Pure cold water will not +wholly remove these oily accumulations. The occasional use of soap and +warm or tepid water is therefore necessary; but all washings with +soapy or warm water should be followed by a thorough rinsing with pure +cold water. Use good, fine soap. The common coarser kinds are +generally too strongly alkaline and have an unpleasant effect upon the +skin.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span></p> +<h4>3. <i>The Feet.</i></h4> + +<p>The feet are particularly liable to become offensively odoriferous, +especially when the perspiration is profuse. Frequent washings with +cold water, with the occasional use of warm water and soap, are +absolutely necessary to cleanliness.</p> + + +<h4>4. <i>Change of Linen.</i></h4> + +<p>A frequent change of linen is another essential of cleanliness. It +avails little to wash the body if we inclose it the next minute in +soiled garments. It is not in the power of every one to wear fine and +elegant clothes, but we can all, under ordinary circumstances, afford +clean shirts, drawers, and stockings. Never sleep in any garment worn +during the day; and your night-dress should be well aired every +morning.</p> + + +<h4>5. <i>The Nails.</i></h4> + +<p>You will not, of course, go into company, or sit down to the table, +with soiled hands, but unless you habituate yourself to a special care +of them, more or less dirt will be found lodged under the nails. Clean +them carefully every time you wash your hands, and keep them smoothly +and evenly cut. If you allow them to get too long they are liable to +be broken off, and become uneven and ragged, and if you pare them too +closely they fail to protect the ends of the fingers.</p> + + +<h4>6. <i>The Head.</i></h4> + +<p>The head is more neglected, perhaps, than any other part of the body. +The results are not less disastrous here than elsewhere. Dandruff +forms, dust accumulates, the scalp becomes diseased, the hair grows +dry, and falls off and if the evil be not remedied, premature baldness +ensues.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span> The head should be thoroughly washed as often as cleanliness +demands. This will not injure the hair, as many suppose, but, on the +contrary, will promote its growth and add to its beauty. If soap is +used, however, it should be carefully rinsed off. If the hair is +carefully and <i>thoroughly</i> brushed every morning, it will not require +very frequent washings. If the scalp be kept in a healthy condition +the hair will be moist, glossy, and luxuriant, and no oil or hair wash +will be required; and these preparations generally do more harm than +good. Night-caps are most unwholesome and uncleanly contrivances, and +should be discarded altogether. They keep the head unnaturally warm, +shut out the fresh air, and shut in those natural exhalations which +should be allowed to pass off, and thus weaken the hair and render it +more liable to fall off. Ladies may keep their hair properly together +during repose by wearing a <i>net</i> over it.</p> + + +<h4>7. <i>The Teeth.</i></h4> + +<p>Do not forget the teeth. Cleanliness, health, a pure breath, and the +integrity and durability of those organs require that they be +thoroughly and effectually scoured with the tooth-brush dipped in soft +water, with the addition of a little soap, if necessary, every +morning. Brush them outside and inside, and in every possible +direction. You can not be too careful in this matter. After brushing +rinse your mouth with cold water. A slighter brushing should be given +them after each meal. Use an ivory tooth-pick or a quill to remove any +particles of food that may be lodged between the teeth.</p> + +<p>There are, no doubt, original differences in teeth, as in other parts +of the human system, some being more liable to decay than others; but +the simple means we have pointed out, if adopted in season and +perseveringly applied, will preserve almost any teeth, in all their +usefulness<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span> and reality, till old age. If yours have been neglected, +and some of them are already decayed, hasten to preserve the +remainder. While you have <i>any</i> teeth left, it is never too late to +begin to take care of them; and if you have children, do not, we +entreat you, neglect <i>their</i> teeth. If the first or temporary teeth +are cared for and preserved, they will be mainly absorbed by the +second or permanent ones, and will drop out of themselves. The others, +in that case, will come out regular and even.</p> + +<p>Beware of the teeth-powders, teeth-washes, and the like, advertised in +the papers. They are often even more destructive to the teeth than the +substances they are intended to remove. If any teeth-powder is +required, pure powdered charcoal is the best thing you can procure; +but if the teeth are kept clean, in the way we have directed, there +will be little occasion for any other dentrifices than pure water and +a little soap. Your tooth-brushes should be rather soft; those which +are too hard injuring both the teeth and the gums.</p> + + +<h4>8. <i>The Breath.</i></h4> + +<p>A bad breath arises more frequently than otherwise from neglected and +decayed teeth. If it is occasioned by a foul stomach, a pure diet, +bathing, water injections, and a general attention to the laws of +health are required for its removal.</p> + + +<h3>III.—EATING AND DRINKING.</h3> + +<p>Whatever has a bearing upon health has at least an indirect connection +with manners; the reader will therefore excuse us for introducing here +a few remarks which may seem, at the first glance, rather irrelevant. +Sound lungs, a healthy liver, and a good digestion are as essential to +the right performance of our social duties as they are to our own +personal comfort; therefore a few words on eating<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span> and drinking, as +affecting these, will not be out of place.</p> + + +<h4>1. <i>What to Eat.</i></h4> + +<p>An unperverted appetite is the highest authority in matters of diet. +In fact, its decisions should be considered final, and without the +privilege of appeal. Nature makes no mistakes.</p> + +<p>The plant selects from the soil which its roots permeate, the chemical +elements necessary to its growth and perfect development, rejecting +with unerring certainty every particle which would prove harmful or +useless. The wild animal chooses with equal certainty the various +kinds of food adapted to the wants of its nature, never poisoning +itself by eating or drinking any thing inimical to its life and +health. The sense of taste and the wants of the system act in perfect +harmony. So it should be with man. That which most perfectly gratifies +the appetite should be the best adapted to promote health, strength, +and beauty.</p> + +<p>But appetite, like all the other instincts or feelings of our nature, +is liable to become perverted, and to lead us astray. We acquire a +relish for substances which are highly hurtful, such as tobacco, +ardent spirits, malt liquors, and the like. We have "sought out many +inventions," to pander to false and fatal tastes, and too often eat, +not to sustain life and promote the harmonious development of the +system, but to poison the very fountains of our being and implant in +our blood the seeds of disease.</p> + +<p>Attend to the demands of appetite, but use all your judgment in +determining whether it is a natural, undepraved craving of the system +which speaks, or an acquired and vicious taste, and give or withhold +accordingly; and, above all, never eat when you have <i>no appetite</i>. +Want of appetite is equivalent to the most authoritative <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span>command to +<i>eat nothing</i>, and we disregard it at our peril. Food, no matter how +wholesome, taken into our stomachs under such circumstances, instead +of being digested and appropriated, becomes rank poison. <i>Eating +without appetite is one of the most fatal of common errors.</i></p> + +<p>We have no room, even if we had the ability and the desire, to discuss +the comparative merits of the two opposing systems of diet—the +vegetarian and the mixed. We shall consider the question of +flesh-eating an open one.</p> + +<p>Your food should be adapted to the climate, season, and your +occupation. In the winter and in northern climates a larger proportion +of the fatty or carboniferous elements are required than in summer and +in southern latitudes. The Esquimaux, in his snow-built hut, swallows +immense quantities of train-oil, without getting the dyspepsia; still, +we do not recommend train-oil as an article of diet; neither can we +indorse the eating of pork in any form; but these things are far less +hurtful in winter than in summer, and to those who labor in the open +air than to the sedentary.</p> + +<p>Live well. A generous diet promotes vitality and capability for +action. "Good cheer is friendly to health." But do not confound a +generous diet with what is usually called "rich" food. Let all your +dishes be nutritious, but plain, simple, and wholesome. Avoid highly +seasoned viands and very greasy food at all times, but particularly in +warm weather, also too much nutriment in the highly condensed forms of +sugar, syrup, honey, and the like.</p> + +<p>If you eat flesh, partake sparingly of it especially in summer. We +Americans are the greatest flesh-eaters in the world, and it is not +unreasonable to believe that there may be some connection between this +fact and the equally notorious one that we are the most unhealthy +people in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span> the world. An untold amount of disease results from the too +free use of flesh during the hot months. Heat promotes putrefaction; +and as this change in meat is very rapid in warm weather, we can not +be too careful not to eat that which is in the slightest degree +tainted. Even when it goes into the stomach in a normal condition, +there is danger; for if too much is eaten, or the digestive organs are +not sufficiently strong and active, the process of putrefaction may +commence in the stomach and diffuse a subtle poison through the whole +system.</p> + +<p><i>Hot</i> biscuits; <i>hot</i> griddle cakes, saturated with butter and +Stuart's syrup; and <i>hot</i> coffee, scarcely modified at all by the +small quantity of milk usually added, are among the most deleterious +articles ever put upon a table. While these continue to be the staples +of our breakfasts, healthy stomachs and clear complexions will be rare +among us. Never eat or drink <i>any thing</i> <span class="smcap">HOT</span>.</p> + +<p>Good bread is an unexceptionable article of diet. The best is made of +unbolted wheat flour. A mixture of wheat and rye flour, or of corn +meal with either, makes excellent bread. The meal and flour should be +freshly ground; they deteriorate by being kept long. If raised or +fermented bread is required, hop yeast is the best ferment that can be +used. [For complete directions for bread-making, see Dr. Trall's +"Hydropathic Cook-Book."]</p> + +<p>The exclusive use of fine or bolted flour for bread, biscuits, and +cakes of all kinds, is exceedingly injurious to health. The <i>lignin</i> +or woody fiber which forms the bran of grains is just as essential to +a perfect and healthful nutrition as are starch, sugar, gum, and +fibrin, and the rejection of this element is one of the most +mischievous errors of modern cookery.</p> + +<p>Johnny-cake, or corn bread, is an excellent article, which is not yet +fully appreciated. It is palatable and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span> wholesome. Hominy, samp, +cracked wheat, oatmeal mush, and boiled rice should have a high place +on your list of edibles. Beans and peas should be more generally eaten +than they are. They are exceedingly nutritious, and very palatable. In +New England, "pork and beans" hold the place of honor, but elsewhere +in this country they are almost unknown. Leaving out the pork (which, +personally, we hold in more than Jewish abhorrence), nothing can be +better, provided they are eaten in moderation and with a proper +proportion of less nutritious food. They should be well baked in pure, +soft water. A sufficient quantity of salt to season them, with the +addition of a little sweet milk, cream, or butter while baking, leaves +nothing to be desired. If meat is wanted, however, a slice of +beefsteak, laid upon the surface, will serve a better purpose than +pork. Potatoes, beets, turnips, carrots, parsneps, and cabbages are +good in their place.</p> + +<p>But Nature indicates very plainly that fruits and berries, in their +season, should have a prominent place in our dietary. They are +produced in abundance, and every healthy stomach instinctively craves +them. Strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, whortleberries, +cherries, plums, grapes, figs, apples, pears, peaches, and melons are +"food fit for gods." We pity those whose perverted taste or digestion +leads to their rejection. But some are <i>afraid</i>to eat fruits and +berries, particularly in midsummer, just the time when nature and +common sense say they should be eaten most freely. They have the fear +of cholera, dysentery, and similar diseases before their eyes, and +have adopted the popular but absurd idea that fruit eating predisposes +to disorders of the stomach and bowels. Exactly the reverse is the +fact. There are no better preventives of such diseases than <i>ripe</i> +fruits and berries, eaten in proper quantities and at proper times<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span> +Unripe fruits should be scrupulously avoided, and that which is in any +measure decayed as scarcely less objectionable. Fruit and berries +should make a part of every meal in summer. In winter they are less +necessary, but may be eaten with advantage, if within our reach; and +they are easily preserved in various ways.</p> + +<p>We might write a volume on the subject of food, but these general +hints must suffice. If you would pursue the inquiry, read O. S. +Fowler's "Physiology, Animal and Mental," and the "Hydropathic +Cook-Book," already referred to.</p> + + +<h4>2. <i>When to Eat.</i></h4> + +<p>Eat when the stomach, through the instinct of appetite, demands a new +supply of food. If all your habits are regular, this will be at about +the same hours each day; and regularity in the time of taking our +meals is very important. Want of attention to this point is a frequent +cause of derangement of the digestive organs. We can not stop to +discuss the question how many meals per day we should eat; but whether +you eat one, two, or three, never, under ordinary circumstances, take +lunches. The habit of eating between meals is a most pernicious one. +Not even your children must be indulged in it, as you value their +health, comfort, and good behavior.</p> + + +<h4>3. <i>How Much to Eat.</i></h4> + +<p>We can not tell you, by weight or measure, how much to eat, the right +quantity depending much upon age, sex, occupation, season, and +climate, but the quantity is quite as important as the quality. +Appetite would be a sure guide in both respects were it not so often +perverted and diseased. As a general rule, we eat too much. It is +better to err in the other direction. An uncomfortable feeling of +fullness, or of dullness and stupor after a meal<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span> is a sure sign of +over-eating, so whatever and whenever you eat, <i>eat slowly, masticate +your food well</i>, and <span class="smcap">DO NOT EAT TOO MUCH</span>.</p> + + +<h4>4. <i>Drink.</i></h4> + +<p>If we eat proper food, and in proper quantity, we are seldom thirsty. +Inordinate thirst indicates a feverish state of either the stomach or +the general system. It is pretty sure to follow a too hearty meal.</p> + +<p>Water is the proper drink for everybody and for every thing that lives +or grows. It should be pure and soft. Many diseases arise wholly from +the use of unwholesome water. If you drink tea (which we do not +recommend), let it be the best of black tea, and <i>not</i> strong. Coffee, +if drunk at all, should be diluted with twice its quantity of boiled +milk, and well sweetened with white sugar.</p> + + +<h3>IV.—BREATHING.</h3> + +<p>Breathing is as necessary as eating. If we cease to breathe, our +bodies cease to live. If we only <i>half</i> breathe, as is often the case, +we only half live. The human system requires a constant supply of +oxygen to keep up the vital processes which closely resemble +combustion, of which oxygen is the prime supporter. If the supply is +insufficient, the fire of life wanes. The healthy condition of the +lungs also requires that they be completely expanded by the air +inhaled. The imperfect breathing of many persons fails to accomplish +the required inflation, and the lungs become diseased for want of +their natural action. Full, deep breathing and pure air are as +essential to health, happiness, and the right performance of our +duties, whether individual, political, or social, as pure food and +temperate habits of eating and drinking are. Attend, then, to the +lungs as well as the stomach. Breathe good air. Have all your rooms, +and especially your sleeping apartment<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span> well ventilated. The air which +has been vitiated by breathing or by the action of fire, which +abstracts the oxygen and supplies its place with carbonic acid gas, is +a <i>subtle poison</i>.</p> + + +<h3>V.—EXERCISE.</h3> + +<p>The amount of physical exercise required varies with age, sex, and +temperament; but no person can enjoy vigorous health without a +considerable degree of active bodily exertion. Four or five hours per +day spent in the open air, in some labor or amusement which calls for +the exercise of the muscles of the body, is probably no more than a +proper average. We can live with less—that is, for a short time; but +Nature's laws are inexorable, and we can not escape the penalty +affixed to their violation. Those whose occupations are sedentary +should seek amusements which require the exertion of the physical +powers, and should spend as much as possible of their leisure time in +the open air. We must, however, use good judgment in this matter as +well as in eating. Too much exercise at once, or that which is fitful +and violent, is often exceedingly injurious to those whose occupations +have accustomed them to little physical exertion of any kind.</p> + +<p>The women of our country are suffering incalculably for want of proper +exercise. No other single cause perhaps is doing so much to destroy +health and beauty, and deteriorate the race, as this. "Your women are +very handsome," Frederika Bremer said, one day, "but they are too +white; they look as if they grew in the shade." A sad truth. Ladies, +if you would be healthy, beautiful, and attractive—if you would fit +yourselves to be good wives, and the mothers of strong and noble men, +you <i>must</i> take an adequate amount of exercise in the open air. <i>This +should be an every-day duty.</i></p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span></p> +<h3>VI.—THE COMPLEXION.</h3> + +<p>Every person, and especially every lady, desires a clear complexion. +To secure this, follow the foregoing directions in reference to +cleanliness, eating, drinking, breathing, and exercise. The same +recipe serves for ruby lips and rosy cheeks. These come and go with +health, and health depends upon obedience to the laws of our +constitution.</p> + + +<h3>VII.—GENERAL HINTS.</h3> + +<p>Few of us are free from disagreeable habits of which we are hardly +conscious, so seemingly natural have they become to us. It is the +office of friendship, though not always a pleasant one, to point them +out. It is our business to assume that office here, finding our excuse +in the necessity of the case. Our bad habits not only injure +ourselves, but they give offense to others, and indirectly injure them +also.</p> + + +<h4>1. <i>Tobacco.</i></h4> + +<p>Ladies, in this country, do not use tobacco, so they may skip this +section. A large and increasing number of gentlemen may do the same; +but if you use tobacco, in any forth, allow us to whisper a useful +hint or two in your ear.</p> + +<p>Smoking, snuff-taking, and especially chewing, are bad habits at best, +and in their coarser forms highly disgusting to pure and refined +people, and especially to ladies. You have the same right to smoke, +take snuff, and chew that you have to indulge in the luxuries of a +filthy skin and soiled garments, but you have no right, in either +case, to do violence to the senses and sensibilities of other people +by their exhibition in society. Smoke if you will, chew, take snuff +(against our earnest advice, however), make yourself generally and +particularly disagreeable, but you must suffer the consequences—the +social outlawry<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span> which must result. Shall we convert our parlors into +tobacco shops, risk the ruin of our carpets and furniture from the +random shots of your disgusting saliva, and fill the whole atmosphere +of our house with a pungent stench, to the discomfort and disgust of +everybody else, merely for the pleasure of your company? We have +rights as well as you, one of which is to exclude from our circle all +persons whose manners or habits are distasteful to us. You talk of +rights. You can not blame others for exercising theirs.</p> + +<p>There are degrees here as everywhere else. One may chew a <i>little</i>, +smoke an <i>occasional</i> cigar, and take a pinch of snuff <i>now</i> and +<i>then</i>, and if he never indulges in these habits in the presence of +others, and is very careful to purify his person before going into +company, he may confine the bad effects, which he can not escape, +<i>mostly</i> to his own person. But he must not smoke in any parlor, or +sitting-room, or dining-room, or sleeping chamber, or in the street, +and particularly not in the presence of ladies, <i>anywhere</i>.</p> + + +<h4>2. <i>Spitting.</i></h4> + +<p>"The use of tobacco has made us a nation of spitters," as some one has +truly remarked. Spitting is a private act, and tobacco users are not +alone in violating good taste and good manners by hawking and spitting +in company. You should never be seen to spit. Use your handkerchief +carefully and so as not to be noticed, or, in case of necessity, leave +the room.</p> + + +<h4>3. <i>Gin and Gentility.</i></h4> + +<p>The spirit and tenor of our remarks on tobacco will apply to the use +of ardent spirits. The fumes of gin, whisky, and rum are, if possible, +worse than the scent of tobacco. They must on no account be brought +into<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span> company. If a man (this is another section which women may skip) +will make a beast of himself, and fill his blood with liquid poison, +he must, if he desires admission into good company, do it either +privately or with companions whose senses and appetites are as +depraved as his own.</p> + + +<h4>4. <i>Onions, etc.</i></h4> + +<p>All foods or drinks which taint the breath or cause disagreeable +eructations should be avoided by persons going into company. Onions +emit so very disagreeable an odor that no truly polite person will eat +them when liable to inflict their fumes upon others. Particular care +should be taken to guard against a bad breath from <i>any</i> cause.</p> + + +<h4>5. <i>Several Items.</i></h4> + +<p>Never pare or scrape your nails, pick your teeth, comb your hair, or +perform any of the necessary operations of the toilet in company. All +these things should be carefully attended to in the privacy of your +own room. To pick the nose, dig the ears, or scratch the head or any +part of the person in company is still worse. Watch yourself +carefully, and if you have any such habits, break them up at once. +These may seem little things, but they have their weight, and go far +in determining the character of the impression we make upon those +around us.</p> + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="II" id="II"></a>II.</h2> + +<h2>DRESS.</h2> + +<div class="poem medium"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="ichap">From little matters let us pass to less,<br /></span> +<span class="ichap">And lightly touch the mysteries of dress;<br /></span> +<span class="ichap">The outward forms the inner man reveal;<br /></span> +<span class="ichap">We guess the pulp before we eat the peel.—<i>O. W. Holmes.</i><br /></span> +</div></div> + + +<h3>I.—THE LANGUAGE OF DRESS.</h3> + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 78px;"> +<img src="images/imgd.jpg" width="78" height="173" alt="D" title="" /> +</div><p>ress has its language, which is, or may be, read and understood by +all. It is one of the forms in which we naturally give expression to +our tastes, our constructive faculties, our reason, our feelings, our +habits—in a word, to our character, as a whole. This expression is +often greatly modified by the arbitrary laws of Fashion, and by +circumstances of time, place, and condition, which we can not wholly +control; but can hardly be entirely falsified. Even that arch tyrant, +the reigning <i>Mode</i>, whatever it may be, leaves us little room for +choice in materials, forms, and colors, and the choice we make +indicates our prominent traits of character.</p> + + +<h3>II.—THE USES OF DRESS.</h3> + +<p>"Dress," that admirable Art Journal the <i>Crayon</i> says, "has two +functions—to clothe and to ornament; and while we can not lose sight +of either point, we must not attribute to the one a power which +belongs to the other. The essential requirement of dress is to cover +and make comfortable the body, and of two forms of dress which fulfill +this function equally well, that is the better which is most accordant +with the laws of beauty. But fitness must <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span>in nowise be interfered +with; and the garb which infringes on this law gives us pain rather +than pleasure. We believe that it will be found that fitness and +beauty, so far from requiring any sacrifice for combination, are found +each in the highest degree where both are most fully obtained—that +the fittest, most comfortable dress is that which is most graceful or +becoming. Fitness is the primary demand; and <i>the dress that appears +uncomfortable is untasteful</i>.</p> + +<p>"But in the secondary function of dress, ornamentation, there are +several diverse objects to be attained—dignity, grace, vivacity, +brilliancy, are qualities distinguishing different individuals, and +indicating the impression they wish to make on society, and are +expressed by different combinations of the elements of beauty, line, +or form, and color. When the appareling of the outer being is in most +complete harmony with the mental constitution, the taste is fullest."</p> + + +<h3>III.—THE ART OF DRESS.</h3> + +<p>True art adapts dress to its uses, as indicated in the foregoing +extract. It is based on universal principles fundamental to all art.</p> + +<p>The art-writer already quoted says, very truly, that "Dress is always +to be considered as secondary to the person." This is a fundamental +maxim in the art of costume, but is often lost sight of, and dress +made <i>obtrusive</i> at the expense of the individuality of the wearer. A +man's vest or cravat must not seem a too important part of him. Dress +may heighten beauty, but it can not create it. If you are not better +and more beautiful than your clothes you are, indeed, a man or a woman +of straw.</p> + +<p>The next principle to be regarded is the <i>fitness</i> of your costume, in +its forms materials, and colors, to your person and circumstances, and +to the conditions of the time, place and occasion on which it is to be +worn. Fashion<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span> often compels us to violate this principle, and dress +in the most absurd, incongruous, unbecoming, and uncomfortable style. +A little more self-respect and independence, however, would enable us +to resist many of her most preposterous enactments. But Fashion is not +responsible for all the incongruities in dress with which we meet. +They are often the result of bad taste and affectation.</p> + +<p>The first demand of this law of fitness is, that your costume shall +accord with your person. The young and the old, we all instinctively +know, should not dress alike. Neither should the tall and the short, +the dark and the light, the pale and the rosy, the grave and the gay, +the tranquil and the vivacious. Each variety of form, color, and +character has its appropriate style; but our space here is too limited +to allow us to do more than drop a hint toward what each requires, to +produce the most harmonious and effective combination. In another +work,<a name="FNanchor_A_1" id="FNanchor_A_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_1" class="fnanchor">[A]</a> now in the course of preparation, this important subject will +be treated in detail.</p> + +<p>"In form, simplicity and long, unbroken lines give dignity, while +complicated and short lines express vivacity. Curves, particularly if +long and sweeping, give grace while straight lines and angles indicate +power and strength. In color, unity of tint gives repose—if somber, +gravity but if light and clear, then a joyous serenity—variety of +tint giving vivacity, and if contrasted, brilliancy."</p> + +<p>Longitudinal stripes in a lady's dress make her appear taller than she +really is, and are therefore appropriate for persons of short stature. +Tall women, for this reason, should never wear them. Flounces are +becoming to tall persons, but not to short ones. The colors worn +should be determined by the complexion, and should harmonize <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span>with it. +"Ladies with delicate rosy complexions bear white and blue better than +dark colors, while sallow hues of complexion will not bear these +colors near them, and require dark, quiet, or grave colors to improve +their appearance. Yellow is the most trying and dangerous of all, and +can only be worn by the rich-toned, healthy-looking brunette."</p> + +<p>In the second place, there should be harmony between your dress and +your circumstances. It should accord with your means, your house, your +furniture, the place in which you reside, and the society in which you +move.</p> + +<p>Thirdly, your costume should be suited to the time, place, and +occasion on which it is to be worn. That summer clothes should not be +worn in winter, or winter clothes in summer, every one sees clearly +enough. The law of fitness as imperatively demands that you should +have one dress for the kitchen, the field, or the workshop, and +another, and quite a different one, for the parlor; one for the street +and another for the carriage, one for a ride on horseback and another +for a ramble in the country. Long, flowing, and even trailing skirts +are beautiful and appropriate in the parlor, but in the muddy streets, +draggling in the filth, and embarrassing every movement of the wearer, +or in the country among the bushes and briers, they lose all their +beauty and grace, because no longer fitting. The prettiest costume we +have ever seen for a shopping excursion or a walk in the city, and +especially for a ramble in the country, is a short dress or frock +reaching to the knee, and trowsers of the common pantaloon form, but +somewhat wider. Full Turkish trowsers might be worn with this dress, +but are less convenient. The waist or body of the dress is made with a +yoke and belt, and pretty full. The sleeves should be gathered into a +band and buttoned at the wrist. A <i>saque</i> or a <i>basque</i> of a different +color from the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span> waist has a fine effect as a part of this costume. Add +to it a gipsy hat and good substantial shoes or boots, and you may +walk with ease, grace, and pleasure. This was the working and walking +costume of the women of the North American Phalanx, and is still worn +on the domain which once belonged to that Association, though the +institution which gave it its origin has ceased to exist. If you +reside in a place where you can adopt this as your industrial and +walking costume, without too much notoriety and odium, try it. You +must judge of this for yourself. We are telling you what is fitting, +comfortable, and healthful, and therefore, in its place, beautiful, +and not what it is expedient for you to wear. The time is coming when +such a costume may be worn anywhere. Rational independence, good +taste, and the study of art are preparing the way for the complete +overthrow of arbitrary fashion. Help us to hasten the time when both +women and men shall be permitted to dress as the eternal principles, +harmony, and beauty dictate, and be no longer the slaves of the tailor +and the dressmaker.</p> + +<p>But without adopting any innovations liable to shock staid +conservatism or puritanic prudery, you may still, in a good measure, +avoid the incongruities which we are now compelled to witness, and +make your costume accord with place and occupation.</p> + +<p>In the field, garden, and workshop, gentlemen can wear nothing more +comfortable and graceful than the blouse. It may be worn loose or +confined by a belt. If your occupation is a very dusty one, wear +overalls. In the counting-room and office, gentlemen wear frock-coats +or sack coats. They need not be of very fine material, and should not +be of any garish pattern. In your study or library, and about the +house generally, on ordinary occasions, a handsome dressing-gown is +comfortable and elegant.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span></p> +<p>A lady, while performing the morning duties of her household may wear +a plain loose dress, made high in the neck, and with long sleeves +fastened at the wrist. It must not look slatternly, and may be +exceedingly beautiful and becoming.</p> + +<p>In reference to ornament, "the law of dress," to quote our +artist-friend again, "is, that where you want the eye of a spectator +to rest (for we all dress for show), you should concentrate your +decoration, leaving the parts of the apparel to which you do not want +attention called, as plain and negative as possible—not ugly, as some +people, in an affectation of plainness, do (for you have no right to +offend the eye of your fellow-man with any thing which is ugly), but +simply negative."</p> + + +<h3>IV.—MATERIALS, ETC.</h3> + +<p>The materials of which your clothes are made should be the best that +your means will allow. One generally exercises a very bad economy and +worse taste in wearing low-priced and coarse materials. For your +working costume, the materials should of course correspond with the +usage to which they are to be subjected. They should be strong and +durable, but need not therefore be either very coarse or at all ugly. +As a general rule, it costs no more to dress well than ill.</p> + +<p>A gentleman's shirts should always be fine, clean, and well-fitted. It +is better to wear a coarse or threadbare coat than a disreputable +shirt. The better taste and finer instincts of the ladies will require +no hint in reference to their "most intimate appareling." True taste, +delicacy, and refinement regards the under clothing as scrupulously as +that which is exposed to view.</p> + +<p>The coverings of the head and the feet are important and should by no +means be inferior to the rest of your apparel. Shoes are better than +boots, except in cases where the latter<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span> are required for the +protection of the feet and ankles against water, snow, or injury from +briers, brambles, and the like. Ladies' shoes for walking should be +substantial enough to keep the feet dry and warm. If neatly made, and +well-fitting, they need not be clumsy. Thin shoes, worn on the damp +ground or pavement, have carried many a beautiful woman to her grave. +If you wish to have corns and unshapely feet, wear tight shoes; they +never fail to produce those results.</p> + +<p>The fashionable fur hat, in its innumerable but always ugly forms, is, +in the eye of taste, an absurd and unsightly covering for the head; +and it is hardly less uncomfortable and unhealthful than ugly. The +fine, soft, and more picturesque felt hats now, we are glad to say, +coming more and more into vogue, are far more comfortable and +healthful. A light, fine straw hat is the best for summer.</p> + +<p>The bonnets of the ladies, in their fashionable forms, are only a +little less ugly and unbecoming than the fur hats of the gentlemen. A +broad-brimmed or gipsy hat is far more becoming to most women than the +common bonnet. We hope to live to see both "stove-pipe hats" and +"sugar-scoop bonnets" abolished; but, in the mean time let those wear +them who <i>must</i>.</p> + + +<h3>V.—MRS. MANNERS ON DRESS.</h3> + +<p>Mrs. Manners, the highest authority we can possibly quote in such +matters, has the following hints to girls, which we can not deny +ourselves the pleasure of copying, though they may seem, in part, a +repetition of remarks already made:</p> + +<p>"Good taste is indispensable in dress, but that, united to neatness, +is <i>all</i> that is <i>necessary</i>—that is the fabled cestus of Venus which +gave beauty to its wearer. Good<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span> taste involves <i>suitable fabrics—a +neat and becoming 'fitting' to her figure—colors suited to her +complexion, and a simple and unaffected manner of wearing one's +clothes</i>. A worsted dress in a warm day, or a white one in a cold day, +or a light, thin one in a windy day, are all in <i>bad</i> taste. Very fine +or very delicate dresses worn in the street, or very highly ornamented +clothes worn to church or to shop in, are in <i>bad</i> taste. Very long +dresses worn in muddy or dusty weather, even if long dresses are the +<i>fashion</i>, are still in <i>bad</i> taste.</p> + +<p>"Deep and bright-colored gloves are always in bad taste; very few +persons are careful enough in selecting gloves. Light shoes and dark +dresses, white stockings and dark dresses, dark stockings and light +dresses, are not indicative of good taste. A girl with neatly and +properly dressed feet, with neat, well-fitting gloves, smoothly +arranged hair, and a clean, well-made dress, who walks well, and +speaks well, and, above all, acts politely and kindly, <i>is a lady</i>, +and no <i>wealth</i> is required here. Fine clothes and fine airs are +abashed before such propriety and good taste. Thus the poorest may be +so attired as to appear as lady-like as the wealthiest; nothing is +more <i>vulgar</i> than the idea that money makes a lady, or that fine +clothes can do it."</p> + + +<h3>VI.—WEARING THE HAIR AND BEARD.</h3> + +<p>The hair and beard, in one of their aspects, belong to the dress. In +reference to the style of wearing them, consult the general principles +of taste. A man to whom nature has given a handsome beard, deforms +himself sadly by shaving—at least, that is our opinion; and on this +point fashion and good taste agree. The full beard is now more common +than the shaven face in all our large cities.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span></p> +<p>In the dressing of the hair there is room for the display of a great +deal of taste and judgment. The style should vary with the different +forms of face. Lardner's "Young Ladies' Manual" has the following +hints to the gentler sex. Gentlemen can modify them to suit their +case:</p> + +<p>"After a few experiments, a lady may very easily decide what mode of +dressing her hair, and what head-dress renders her face most +attractive.</p> + +<p>"Ringlets hanging about the forehead suit almost every one. On the +other hand, the fashion of putting the hair smoothly, and drawing it +back on either side, is becoming to few; it has a look of vanity +instead of simplicity: the face must do every thing for it, which is +asking too much, especially as hair, in its pure state, is the +ornament intended for it by nature. Hair is to the human aspect what +foliage is to the landscape.</p> + +<p>"Light hair is generally most becoming when curled. For a round face, +the curls should be made in short, half ringlets, reaching a little +below the ears. For an oval face, long and thick ringlets are +suitable; but if the face be thin and sharp, the ringlets should be +light, and not too long, nor too many in number.</p> + +<p>"When dark hair is curled, the ringlets should never fall in heavy +masses upon the shoulders. Open braids are very beautiful when made of +dark hair; they are also becoming to light-haired persons. A simple +and graceful mode of arranging the hair is to fold the front locks +behind the ears, permitting the ends to fall in a couple of ringlets +on either side behind.</p> + +<p>"Another beautiful mode of dressing the hair, and one very appropriate +in damp weather, when it will keep in curl, is to loop up the ringlets +with small hair-pins on either side of the face and behind the ears, +and pass a light band of braided hair over them.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span></p> +<p>"Persons with very long, narrow heads may wear the hair knotted very +low at the back of the neck. If the head be long, but not very narrow, +the back hair may be drawn to one side, braided in a thick braid, and +wound around the head. When the head is round, the hair should be +formed in a braid in the middle of the back of the head. If the braid +be made to resemble a basket, and a few curls permitted to fall from +within it, the shape of the head is much improved."</p> + + +<h3>VII.—ART <i>VS.</i> FASHION.</h3> + +<p>Observe that we have been laying down some of the maxims deduced from +the principles of art and taste, in their application to dress, and +not promulgating the edicts of Fashion. If there is a lack of harmony +on some points, between the two, it is not our fault. We have +endeavored to give you some useful hints in reference to the beautiful +and the fitting in costume, based on a higher law than the enactments +of the fashion-makers. You must judge for yourself how far you can +make the latter bend to the former. We have been talking of dress as +an individual matter. In future chapters we shall have occasion to +refer to it in its relation to the usages of society.</p> + + +<h3>VIII.—SIGNS OF "THE GOOD TIME COMING."</h3> + +<p>N. P. Willis, in the <i>Home Journal</i>, writing on the dress-reform +agitation, thus closes his disquisition:</p> + +<p>"We repeat, that we see signs which look to us as if the present +excitement as to <i>one</i> fashion were turning into a universal inquiry +as to the sense or propriety of <i>any fashion at all</i>. When the subject +shall have been fully discussed, and public attention fully awakened, +common sense will probably take the direction of the matter, and +opinion will settle in some shape which, at least, may<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span> reject former +excesses and absurdities. Some moderate similarity of dress is +doubtless necessary, and there are proper times and places for long +dresses and short dresses. These and other points the ladies are +likely to come to new decisions about. While they consult health, +cleanliness, and convenience, however, we venture to express a hope +that they will <i>get rid of the present slavish uniformity</i>—that what +is becoming to each may be worn without fear of unfashionableness, and +that in this way we may see every woman dressed somewhat differently +and to her own best advantage, and the <i>proportion of beauty largely +increased</i>, as it would, thereby, most assuredly be."</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><p>FOOTNOTE:</p> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_1" id="Footnote_A_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_1"><span class="label">[A]</span></a> "Hints toward Physical Perfection; or, How to Acquire and +Retain Beauty, Grace, and Strength, and Secure Long Life and Perpetual +Youth."</p></div> +</div> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="III" id="III"></a>III.</h2> + +<h2>SELF-CULTURE</h2> + +<div class="blockquot medium"><p>There is no man who can so easily and so naturally become in +all points a Gentleman Knight, without fear and without +reproach, as a true American Republican.—<i>James Parton.</i></p></div> + + +<h3>I.—MORAL AND SOCIAL TRAINING.</h3> + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 79px;"> +<img src="images/imgh.jpg" width="79" height="171" alt="H" title="" /> +</div><p>aving given due attention to your personal habits and dress, consider +what special errors still remain to be corrected, or what deficiencies +to be supplied, and carefully and perseveringly apply yourself to the +required self-training.</p> + +<p>If you are sensible of an inadequate development of any of those +faculties or feelings on which good manners are based, set yourself at +once about the work of cultivation, remembering that the legitimate +exercise of any organ or function necessarily tends to its +development. Look first to conscientiousness. It is hardly possible +for you to acquire genuine good manners without an acute sense of +equity. Accustom yourself to a sacred regard for the rights of others, +even in the minutest matters, and in the most familiar intercourse of +the family or social circle. In a similar manner cultivate +Benevolence, Veneration, Adhesiveness, Agreeableness, Ideality, and +the moral, social, and esthetic faculties in general. Go out of your +way, if necessary, to perform acts of kindness and friendship; never +omit the "thank you" which is due for the slightest possible favor, +whether rendered by the highest or the lowest; be always bland and +genial; respect times, places, observances, and especially persons; +and put yourself in the way of all <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span>possible elevating and refining +influences. Manners have their origin in the mind and the heart. +Manners do not make the man, as is sometimes asserted; but the man +makes the manners. It is true, however, that the manners react upon +mind and heart, continually developing and improving the qualities out +of which they spring.</p> + +<p>You are placed in a particular community, or you are invited or wish +to gain admittance into a certain circle. Different communities and +circles require, to some extent, different qualifications. Ascertain +what you lack and acquire it as speedily as possible; but remember +that good sense and good nature are out of place in no company.</p> + + +<h3>II.—LANGUAGE.</h3> + +<p>Conversation plays an important part in the intercourse of society. It +is a great and valuable accomplishment to be able to talk well. +Cultivate language and the voice. Learn to express yourself with +correctness, ease, and elegance. This subject is worthy of all the +time and study you can give to it. "How to Talk: a Pocket Manual of +Conversation and Debate," which forms one of this series of +"Hand-Books for Home Improvement," will give you all necessary aid in +this department.</p> + + +<h3>III.—POSITION AND MOVEMENT.</h3> + +<p>Study also the graces of manner, motion, and position. Grace is +natural, no doubt, but most of us have nearly lost sight of nature. It +is often with the greatest difficulty that we find our way back to her +paths. It seems a simple and easy thing to walk, and a still easier +and simpler thing to stand or sit, but not one in twenty perform +either of these acts with ease and grace. There are a hundred little +things connected with attitude, movement, the carriage of the arms, +the position of the feet and the like,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span> which, though seemingly +unimportant are really essential to elegance and ease. Never despise +these little things, or be ashamed to acquire the smallest grace by +study and practice.</p> + +<p>You desire to be a person of "good standing" in society. How <i>do</i> you +stand? We refer now to the artistic or esthetic point of view. If you +are awkward, you are more likely to manifest your awkwardness in +standing than in walking. Do you know where to put your feet and what +to do with your hands? In the absence of any better rule or example, +try to forget your limbs, and let them take care of themselves. But +observe the attitudes which sculptors give to their statues; and study +also those of children, which are almost always graceful, because +natural. Avoid, on the one hand, the stiffness of the soldier, and, on +the other, the ape-like suppleness of the dancing-master; and let +there be no straining, no fidgeting, no uneasy shifting of position. +You should stand on <i>both</i> feet, bearing a little more heavily on one +than the other. The same general principles apply to the sitting +posture. This may be either graceful, dignified, and elegant, or +awkward, abject, and uncouth. The latter class of qualities may be got +rid of and the former acquired, and depend upon it, it is a matter of +some consequence which of them characterizes your position and +movements. Walking is not so difficult an accomplishment as standing +and sitting, but should receive due attention. It has a very close +connection with character, and either of them may be improved or +deteriorated through the other. A close observer and a sensible and +trustworthy monitor of their own sex thus enumerates some of the +common faults of women in their "carriage," or manner of walking:</p> + +<p>"Slovenliness in walking characterizes some. They go shuffling along, +precisely as if their shoes were down<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span> at the heel—"slipshod"—and +they could not lift up their feet in consequence. If it is dusty or +sandy, they kick up the dust before them and fill their skirts with +it. This is exceedingly ungraceful. If I were a gentleman, I really do +not think I could marry a lady who walked like this; she would appear +so very undignified, and I could not be proud of her.</p> + +<p>"Some have another awkwardness. They lift up their feet so high that +their knees are sent out before them showing the movement through the +dress. They always seem to be leaving their skirts behind them, +instead of carrying them gracefully about them. Some saunter along so +loosely they seem to be hung on wires; others are as stiff as if they +supposed only straight lines were agreeable to the eye; and others, +again, run the chin forward considerably in advance of the breast, +looking very silly and deficient in self-respect.</p> + +<p>"Sometimes a lady walks so as to turn up her dress behind every time +she puts her foot back, and I have seen a well-dressed woman made to +look very awkward by elevating her shoulders slightly and pushing her +elbows too far behind her. Some hold their hands up to the waist, and +press their arms against themselves as tightly as if they were glued +there; others swing them backward and forward, as a business man walks +along the street. <i>Too short</i> steps detract from dignity very much, +forming a mincing pace; too long steps are masculine.</p> + +<p>"Some walk upon the ball of the foot very flatly and clumsily; others +come down upon the heel as though a young elephant was moving; and +others, again, ruin their shoes and their appearance by walking upon +the side of the foot. Many practice a stoop called the Grecian bend, +and when they are thirty, will pass well, unless the face be seen, for +fifty years' old."</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span></p> +<p>Gymnastics, dancing, and the military drill are excellent auxiliaries +in the work of physical training, though all of them may be, and +constantly are, abused. We can not illustrate their application here. +They will receive the attention they deserve in "Hints toward Physical +Perfection," already referred to as in preparation.</p> + + +<h3>IV.—SELF-COMMAND.</h3> + +<p>Without perfect self-control you are constantly liable to do something +amiss, and your other social qualifications will avail little. You +must not only be fully conscious who you are, what you are, where you +are, and what you are about, but you must also have an easy and +complete control of all your words and actions, and feel <i>at home</i> +wherever you are. You are liable to lose this self-command either +through bashfulness or excitement. The former is one of the greatest +obstacles with which a majority of young people have to contend. It +can be overcome by <i>resolute effort</i> and the cultivation of +self-respect and self-reliance. Do not allow it to keep you out of +society. You will not conquer it by such a course. You might as +reasonably expect to learn to swim without going into the water.</p> + + +<h3>V.—OBSERVATION.</h3> + +<p>One of the best means of improvement in manners is observation. In +company, where you are in doubt in reference to any rule or form, be +quiet and observe what others do, and govern your conduct by theirs; +but except in mere external forms, beware of a servile imitation. Seek +to understand the principles which underlie the observances you +witness, and to become imbued with the spirit of the society (if good) +in which you move, rather than to copy particulars in the manners of +any one.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span></p> +<h3>VI.—PRACTICAL LESSONS.</h3> + +<p>But the most important instrumentality for the promotion of the +externals of good manners is constant practice in the actual every-day +intercourse of society; and without this our instructions and your +study will both be thrown away. Begin now, to-day, with the next +person you meet or address.</p> + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="IV" id="IV"></a>IV.</h2> + +<h2>FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot medium"><p>Courtesy is the beautiful part of morality, justice carried to +the utmost, rectitude refined, magnanimity in trifles.—<i>Life +Illustrated.</i></p></div> + + +<h3>I.—MANNERS AND MORALS.</h3> + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 76px;"> +<img src="images/imgg.jpg" width="76" height="166" alt="G" title="" /> +</div><p>ood manners and good morals are founded on the same eternal +principles of right, and are only different expressions of the same +great truths. Both grow out of the necessities of our existence and +relations. We have individual rights based on the fact of our +individual being; and we have social duties resulting from our +connection, in the bonds of society, with other individuals who have +similar rights. Morals and manners alike, while they justify us in +asserting and maintaining our own rights, require us scrupulously to +respect, in word and act, the rights of others. It is true that the +former, in the common comprehension of the term, is satisfied with +simple justice in all our relations, while the latter often requires +something more than the strictest conscientiousness can demand—a +yielding of more than half the road—an exercise of the sentiment of +benevolence, as well as of equity; but the highest morality really +makes the same requisition, for it includes politeness, and recognizes +deeds of kindness as a duty.</p> + + +<h3>II.—RIGHTS.</h3> + +<p>In this country we need no incitements to the assertion and +maintenance of our rights, whether individual or <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span>national. We are +ready at all times to do battle for them either with the tongue, the +pen, or the sword, as the case may require. Even women have discovered +that <i>they</i> have rights, and he must be a bold man indeed who dares +call them in question. Yes, we all, men, women, and children, have +rights, and are forward enough in claiming then. Are we equally ready +to respect the rights of others?</p> + + +<h3>III.—DUTIES.</h3> + +<p>Out of rights grow duties; the first of which is to live an honest, +truthful, self-loyal life, acting and speaking always and everywhere +in accordance with the laws of our being, as revealed in our own +physical and mental organization. It is by the light of this fact that +we must look upon all social requirements, whether in dress, manners, +or morals. All that is fundamental and genuine in these will be found +to harmonize with universal principles, and consequently with our +primary duty in reference to ourselves.</p> + + +<h4>1. <i>The Senses.</i></h4> + +<p>Whenever and wherever we come in contact with our fellow-men, there +arises a question of rights, and consequently of duties. We have +alluded incidentally to some of them, in speaking of habits and dress. +The senses of each individual have their rights, and it is your duty +to respect them. The eye has a claim upon you for so much of beauty in +form, color, arrangement, position, and movement as you are able to +present to it. A French author has written a book, the aim of which is +to show that it is the duty of a pretty woman to look pretty. It is +the duty of <i>all</i> women, and all men too, to look and behave just as +well as they can, and whoever fails in this, fails in good manners and +in duty. The ear demands agreeable tones and harmonious combinations +of tones<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span>—pleasant words and sweet songs. If you indulge in loud +talking, in boisterous and untimely laughter, or in profane or vulgar +language, or sing out of tune, you violate its rights and offend good +manners. The sense of smell requires pleasant odors for its enjoyment. +Fragrance is its proper element. To bring the fetid odor of unwashed +feet or filthy garments, or the stench of bad tobacco or worse whisky, +or the offensive scent of onions or garlics within its sphere, is an +act of impoliteness. The sense of taste asks for agreeable flavors, +and has a right to the best we can give in the way of palatable foods +and drinks. The sense of feeling, though less cultivated and not so +sensitive as the others, has its rights too, and is offended by too +great coarseness, roughness, and hardness. It has a claim on us for a +higher culture.</p> + + +<h4>2. <i>The Faculties.</i></h4> + +<p>And if the senses have their rights, we must admit that the higher +faculties and feelings of our nature are at least equally dowered in +this respect. You can not trespass upon one of them without a +violation of good manners. We can not go into a complete exposition of +the "bill of rights" of each. You can analyze them for yourself, and +learn the nature of their claims upon you. In the mean time, we will +touch upon a point or two here and there.</p> + + +<h4>3. <i>Opinions.</i></h4> + +<p>Each person has a right to his or her opinions, and to the expression +of them <i>on proper occasions</i>, and there is no duty more binding upon +us all than the most complete and respectful toleration. The author of +"The Illustrated Manners Book" truly says:</p> + +<p>"<i>Every denial of, or interference with, the personal freedom or +absolute rights of another, is a violation of</i><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span> +<i>good manners.</i> He who +presumes to censure me for my religious belief, or want of belief; who +makes it a matter of criticism or reproach that I am a Theist or +Atheist, Trinitarian or Unitarian, Catholic or Protestant, Pagan or +Christian, Jew, Mohammedan, or Mormon, is guilty of rudeness and +insult. If any of these modes of belief make me intolerant or +intrusive, he may resent such intolerance or repel such intrusion; but +the basis of all true politeness and social enjoyment is the mutual +tolerance of personal rights."</p> + + +<h4>4. <i>The Sacredness of Privacy.</i></h4> + +<p>Here is another passage from the author just quoted which is so much +to the point that we can not forbear to copy it:</p> + +<p>"One of the rights most commonly trespassed upon constituting a +violent breach of good manners, is the right of privacy, or of the +control of one's own person and affairs. There are places in this +country where there exists scarcely the slightest recognition of this +right. A man or woman bolts into your house without knocking. No room +is sacred unless you lock the door, and an exclusion would be an +insult. Parents intrude upon children, and children upon parents. The +husband thinks he has a right to enter his wife's room, and the wife +would feel injured if excluded, by night or day, from her husband's. +It is said that they even open each other's letters, and claim, as a +right, that neither should have any secrets from the other.</p> + +<p>"It in difficult to conceive of such a state of intense barbarism in a +civilized country, such a denial of the simplest and most primitive +rights, such an utter absence of delicacy and good manners; and had we +not been assured on good authority that such things existed, we<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span> +should consider any suggestions respecting them needless and +impertinent.</p> + +<p>"Each person in a dwelling should, if possible, have a room as sacred +from intrusion as the house is to the family. No child, grown to years +of discretion, should be outraged by intrusion. No relation, however +intimate, can justify it. So the trunks, boxes, packets, papers, and +letters of every individual, locked or unlocked, sealed or unsealed, +are sacred. It is ill manners even to open a book-case, or to read a +written paper lying open, without permission expressed or implied. +Books in an open case or on a center-table, cards in a card-case, and +newspapers, are presumed to be open for examination. Be careful where +you go, what you read, and what you handle, particularly in private +apartments."</p> + +<p>This right to privacy extends to one's business, his personal +relations, his thoughts, and his feelings. <i>Don't intrude</i>; and always +"mind your own business," which means, by implication, that you must +let other people's business alone.</p> + + +<h4>5. <i>Conformity.</i></h4> + +<p>You must conform, to such an extent as not to annoy and give offense, +to the customs, whether in dress or other matters, of the circle in +which you move. This conformity is an implied condition in the social +compact. It is a practical recognition of the right of others, and +shows merely a proper regard for their opinions and feelings. If you +can not sing in tune with the rest, or on the same key, remain silent. +You may be right and the others wrong but that does not alter the +case. Convince them, if you can, and bring them to your pitch, but +never mar even a low accord. So if you can not adapt your dress and +manners to the company in which you find yourself, the sooner you take +your leave the better. You may and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span> should endeavor, in a proper way, +to change such customs and fashions as you may deem wrong, or +injurious in their tendency, but, in the mean time, you have no right +to violate them. You may choose your company, but, having chosen it, +you must conform to its rules til you can change them. You are not +compelled to reside in Rome; but if you choose to live there, you must +"do as the Romans do."</p> + +<p>The rules which should govern your conduct, as an isolated individual, +were such a thing as isolation possible in the midst of society, are +modified by your relations to those around you. This life of ours is a +complex affair, and our greatest errors arise from our one-side views +of it. We are sovereign individuals, and are born with certain +"inalienable rights;" but we are also members of that larger +individual society, and our rights can not conflict with the duties +which grow out of that relation. If by means of our non-conformity we +cause ourselves to be cut off, like an offending hand, or plucked out, +like an offending eye, our usefulness is at once destroyed.</p> + +<p>It is related of a certain king that on a particular occasion he +turned his tea into his saucer, contrary to his custom and to the +etiquette of society, because two country ladies, whose hospitalities +he was enjoying, did so. That king was a <i>gentleman</i>; and this +anecdote serves to illustrate an important principle; namely, that +<i>true politeness and genuine good manners often not only permit, but +absolutely demand, a violation of some of the arbitrary rules of +etiquette</i>.</p> + +<p>The <i>highest law</i> demands complete <span class="smcap">HARMONY</span> in all spheres and in all +relations.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span></p> +<h3>IV.—EQUALITY.</h3> + +<p>In the qualified sense which no doubt Mr. Jefferson affixed to the +term in his own mind, "all men <i>are</i> created free and <i>equal</i>." The +"noble Oracle" himself had long before as explicitly asserted the +natural equality of man. In 1739, thirty-seven years before the +Declaration of Independence was penned, Lord Chesterfield wrote: "We +are of the same species, and no distinction whatever is between us, +except that which arises from fortune. For example, your footman and +Lizette would be your equals were they as rich as you. Being poor, +they are obliged to serve you. Therefore you must not add to their +misfortune by insulting or ill-treating them. A good heart never +reminds people of their misfortune, but endeavors to alleviate, or, if +possible, to make them forget it."</p> + +<p>The writer in <i>Life Illustrated</i>, quoted in a previous chapter, states +the case very clearly as follows:</p> + +<p>"It is in the sacredness of their rights that men are equal. The +smallest injustice done to the smallest man on earth is an offense +against all men; an offense which all men have a personal and equal +interest in avenging. If John Smith picks my pocket, the cause in +court is correctly entitled, 'The <span class="smcap">People</span> <i>versus</i> John Smith.' The +whole State of New York has taken up my quarrel with John, and arrays +itself against John in awful majesty; because the pockets, the +interests, the rights of a man are <i>infinitely</i>, and therefore +<i>equally</i>, sacred.</p> + +<p>"The conviction of this truth is the beginning and basis of the +science of republican etiquette, which acknowledges no <i>artificial</i> +distinctions. Its leading principle is, that courtesy is due to all +men from all men; from the servant to the served; from the served to +the servant; and from both for precisely the same reason, namely, +because both are human beings and <i>fellow</i>-citizens!"</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span></p> +<h3>V.—A REMARK OR TWO TO BE REMEMBERED.</h3> + +<p>We purpose, in succeeding chapters, to set forth briefly but clearly, +what the actual requirements of good society are in reference to +behavior. You must look at these in the light of the general +principles we have already laid down. It is not for us to say how far +you ought or can conform to any particular custom, usage, or rule of +etiquette. We believe that even the most arbitrary and capricious of +them either have or have had a reason and a meaning. In many cases, +however, the reason may no longer exist, and the form be meaningless; +or while it embodies what is a living truth to others, you may have +outgrown it or advanced beyond it. <i>You have an undoubted right, +politely but firmly, to decline to do what seems to you, looking upon +the matter from your highest stand-point, to be clearly wrong, and it +is no breach of good manners to do so</i>; but at the same time you +should avoid, as far as possible, putting yourself in positions which +call for the exercise of this right. If you can not conscientiously +wear a dress coat, or a stove-pipe hat, or cut your hair, or eat +flesh-meat, or drink wine, you will naturally avoid, under ordinary +circumstances, the circles in which non-conformity in these matters +would be deemed a breach of good manners. When it is necessary that +you should mingle with people whose customs you can not follow in all +points without a violation of principle, you will courteously, and +with proper respect for what they probably think entirely right, fall +back upon the "higher law;" but if it is a mere matter of gloved or +ungloved hands, cup or saucer, fork or knife, you will certainly have +the courtesy and good sense to conform to usage.</p> + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="V" id="V"></a>V.</h2> + +<h2>DOMESTIC MANNERS.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot medium"><p>Home is a little world of itself, and furnishes a sphere for +the exercise of every virtue and for the experience of every +pleasure or pain. If one profit not by its opportunities, he +will be likely to pay dearly for less agreeable lessons in +another school.—<i>Harrison.</i></p></div> + + +<h3>I.—A TEST OF GOOD MANNERS.</h3> + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 76px;"> +<img src="images/imgg.jpg" width="76" height="166" alt="G" title="" /> +</div><p>ood manners are not to be put on and off with one's best clothes. +Politeness is an article for every-day wear. If you don it only on +special and rare occasions, it will be sure to sit awkwardly upon you. +If you are not well behaved in your own family circle, you will hardly +be truly so anywhere, however strictly you may conform to the +observances of good breeding, when in society. The true gentleman or +lady is a gentleman or lady at all times and in all places-­at home as +well as abroad—in the field, or workshop, or in the kitchen, as well +as in the parlor. A snob is—a <i>snob</i> always and everywhere.</p> + +<p>If you see a man behave in a rude and uncivil manner to his father or +mother, his brothers or sisters, his wife or children; or fail to +exercise the common courtesies of life at his own table and around his +own fireside, you may at once set him down as a boor, whatever +<i>pretensions</i> he may make to gentility.</p> + +<p>Dc not fall into the absurd error of supposing that you may do as you +please at home—that is, unless you please to behave in a perfectly +gentlemanly or ladylike manner. The same rights exist there as +elsewhere, and the same duties grow out of them, while the natural +respect and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span> affection which should be felt by each member of the +family for all the other members, add infinitely to their sacredness. +Let your good manners, then, begin at home.</p> + + +<h3>II.—PARENTS AND CHILDREN.</h3> + +<p>American children (we are sorry to be obliged to say it) are not, as a +general rule, well behaved. They are rude and disrespectful, if not +disobedient. They inspire terror rather than love in the breasts of +strangers and all persons who seek quiet and like order. In our +drawing-rooms, on board our steamers, in our railway cars and stage +coaches, they usually contrive to make themselves generally and +particularly disagreeable by their familiarity, forwardness, and +pertness. "Young America" can not brook restraint, has no conception +of superiority, and reverences nothing. His ideas of equality admit +neither limitation nor qualification. He is born with a full +comprehension of his own individual rights, but is slow in learning +his social duties. Through whose fault comes this state of things? +American boys and girls have naturally as much good sense and +good-nature as those of any other nation, and, when well trained, no +children are more courteous and agreeable. The fault lies in their +education. In the days of our grandfathers, children were taught +manners at school—a rather rude, backwoods sort of manners, it is +true, but better than the no manners at all of the present day. We +must blame parents in this matter rather than their children. If you +would have your children grow up beloved and respected by their elders +as well as their contemporaries, teach them good manners in their +childhood. The young sovereign should first learn to obey, that he may +be the better fitted to command in his turn.</p> + +<p>Those who are old enough to study this book, are old enough to take +the matter in to their own hands, and remedy<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span> the defects and supply +the deficiencies of their early education. We beg them to commence at +once, and <i>at home</i>.</p> + +<p>Allow no false ideas of "liberty and equality" to cause you to forget +for a moment the deference due to your father and your mother. The +fifth commandment has not been and can not be abrogated. We commend to +you the example of the Father of his Country. Look into the life of +Washington, and mark what tender and respectful attentions +characterized his intercourse with his only surviving parent. <i>He</i> +never, we venture to say, spoke of his mother as "the old woman," or +addressed her with incivility. "Never," an old friend of yours adjures +you, "let youthful levity or the example of others betray you into +forgetfulness of the claims of your parents or elders to a certain +deference." Nature, a counselor still more sage, we doubt not, has +written the same injunction upon your heart. <i>Let your manners do +justice to your feelings!</i></p> + +<p>"Toward your father," that polished and courtly "gentleman of the old +school," the author of the "American Gentleman's Guide to Politeness +and Fashion," says, "preserve always a deferential manner, mingled +with a certain frankness indicating that thorough confidence—that +entire understanding of each other, which is the best guarantee of +good sense in both, and of inestimable value to every young man +blessed with a right-minded parent. Accept the advice dictated by +experience with respect, receive even reproof without impatience of +manner, and hasten to prove afterward that you cherish no resentful +remembrance of what may have seemed to you too great severity or a too +manifest assumption of authority.... In the inner temple of <i>home</i>, as +well as where the world looks on, render him reverence due.</p> + +<p>"There should be mingled with the habitual deference and attention +that marks your manner to your mother the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span> indescribable tenderness +and rendering back of care and watchfulness that betokens remembrance +of early days. No other woman should ever induce you to forget this +truest, most disinterested friend, nor should your manner ever +indicate even momentary indifference to her wishes or her affection."</p> + + +<h3>III.—BROTHERS AND SISTERS.</h3> + +<p>The intercourse of brothers and sisters should be marked by the +frankness and familiarity befitting their intimate relation; but this +certainly does not preclude the exercise of all the little courtesies +of life. Young man, be polite to your sister. She is a woman, and all +women have claims on you for courteous attentions; and the affection +which exists between you adds tenfold to the sacredness of the claims +she has upon you, not only for protection, but for the exercise toward +her of all the sweet amenities of life. Except your mother and your +wife or affianced mistress (if you have one), no one can possibly have +an equal right to your attentions. If you are young and have neither +wife nor lady-love, let your mother and your sisters be to you the +embodiment of all that is tenderest, most beautiful, and best in the +human world. You can have no better school than your daily intercourse +with them, to fit you for female society in general. The young man who +loves his sisters and always treats them with the politeness, +deference, and kindness which is their due, is almost certain to be a +favorite with their sex generally; so, <i>as you value your reputation +for good manners and your success with other ladies, fail in no act of +courtesy to your sisters</i>.</p> + +<p>The gentle and loving sister will need no injunction to treat an +affectionate, polite, and attentive brother with the tender and +respectful consideration which such a brother deserves. The charming +little courtesies which you practice<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span> so gracefully in your +intercourse with other gentlemen will not, you may be sure, be lost +upon him. True politeness is never lost, and never out of place; and +nowhere does it appear more attractive than at home.</p> + +<p>Stiff formality and cold ceremoniousness are repulsive anywhere, and +are particularly so in the family circle; but the easy, frank, and +genial intercourse of the fireside, instead of being marred, is +refined and made still more delightful by courtesy.</p> + + +<h3>IV.—THE HUSBAND AND WIFE.</h3> + +<p>Reader, are you married? But excuse us, if the question is not a +proper one. If you are not, you doubtless hope to be, sooner or later, +and therefore we will address you just as if you were.</p> + +<p>The husband should never cease to be a <i>lover</i>, or fail in any of +those delicate attentions and tender expressions of affectionate +solicitude which marked his intercourse before marriage with his +heart's queen. All the respectful deference, every courteous +observance, all the self-sacrificing devotion that can be claimed by a +mistress is certainly due to a wife, and he is no true husband and no +true <i>gentleman</i> who withholds them. It is not enough that you honor, +respect, and love your wife. You must put this honor, respect, and +love into the forms of speech and action. Let no unkind word, no +seeming indifference, no lack of the little attentions due her, remind +her sadly of the sweet days of courtship and the honey-moon. Surely +the love you thought would have been cheaply purchased at the price of +a world is worth all you care to preserve. Is not the wife more, and +better, and dearer than the sweetheart? We venture to hint that it is +probably your own fault if she is not.</p> + +<p>The chosen companion of your life, the mother of your<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span> children, the +sharer of all your joys and sorrows, as she possesses the highest +place in your affections, should have the best place everywhere, the +choicest morsels, the politest attentions, the softest, kindest words, +the tenderest care. Love, duty, and good manners alike require it.</p> + +<p>And has the wife no duties? Have the courteous observances, the tender +watchfulness, the pleasant words, the never-tiring devotion, which won +your smiles, your spoken thanks, your kisses, your very self, in days +gone by, now lost their value? Does not the husband rightly claim as +much, at least, as the lover? If you find him less observant of the +little courtesies due you, may this not be because you sometimes fail +to reward him with the same sweet thanks and sweeter smiles? Ask your +own heart.</p> + +<p>Have the comfort and happiness of your husband always in view, and let +him <i>see</i> and <i>feel</i> that you still look up to him with trust and +affection—that the love of other days has not grown cold. Dress for +his eyes more scrupulously than for all the rest of the world; make +yourself and your home beautiful for his sake; play and sing (if you +can) to please him; try to beguile him from his cares; retain his +affections in the same way you won them, and—be polite even to your +husband.</p> + + +<h3>V.—ENTERTAINERS AND THEIR GUESTS.</h3> + +<p>Hospitality takes a high rank among the social virtues; but we fear it +is not held in so high esteem as formerly. Its duties are often +fatiguing and irksome, no doubt, and sometimes quite unnecessarily so. +One of the most important maxims of hospitality is, "Let your guests +alone!" If it were generally observed it would save both hosts and +visitors a world of trouble. Your first object should be to make your +guests feel at home. This they never can do while your needless bustle +and obtrusive<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span> attentions constantly remind them that they are not at +home, and perhaps make them wish they were.</p> + +<p>You will not, of course, understand us to mean that you should devote +no attention to your guests. On the contrary, you should assiduously +labor to promote their comfort and enjoyment, opening to them every +source of entertainment within your reach; but it should be done in +that easy, delicate, considerate way which will make it seem a matter +of course, and no trouble whatever to you. You should not seem to be +conferring but receiving a favor.</p> + +<p>Begging your visitors to "make themselves at home," does not give them +the home <i>feeling</i>. Genuine, unaffected friendliness, and an +unobtrusive and almost unperceived attention to their wants alone will +impart this. Allow their presence to interfere as little as possible +with your domestic arrangements; thus letting them see that their +visit does not disturb you, but that they fall, as it were, naturally +into a vacant place in your household.</p> + +<p>Observe your own feelings when you happen to be the guest of a person +who, though he may be very much your friend, and really glad to see +you, seems not to know what to do either with you or himself; and +again, when in the house of another, you feel as much at ease as in +your own. Mark the difference, more easily felt than described, +between the manners of the two, and deduce therefrom a lesson for your +own improvement.</p> + +<p>Furnish your rooms and table for your guests in as good style as your +means and the circumstances of the case will permit, and make no fuss +about it. To be unnecessarily sparing shows meanness, and to be +extravagantly profuse is absurd as well an ruinous. Probably your +visitors know whether your income is large or small and if they do not +they will soon learn, on that point, all<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span> that it is necessary for +them to know. But if any circumstance out of the ordinary course of +things should render an apology necessary, make it at once and say no +more about it.</p> + +<p>Avoid by all means the very common but very foolish habit of +depreciating your own rooms, furniture, or viands, and expressing +uncalled-for regrets that you have nothing better to offer, merely to +give your guests an opportunity politely to contradict you. But you +need not go to the other extreme and extol the meats you set before +them. Say nothing about these matters.</p> + +<p>When visitors show any intention of leaving, you will of course +express the desire you feel to have them stay longer, but good manners +do not require you to endeavor to retain them against their wishes or +sense of duty. It is to be supposed that they know their own affairs +best.</p> + +<p>Guests sometimes forget (if they ever learned) that <i>they</i> have any +duties. We beg leave to jog their memory with the following hints from +the graceful pen of "Mrs. Manners:"</p> + +<p>"To accommodate yourself to the habits and rules of the family, in +regard to hours of rising or retiring, and particularly the hours for +meals, is the first duty of a guest. Inform yourself as soon as +possible when the meals occur—whether there will be a dressing-bell—at +what time they meet for prayers, and thus become acquainted with all the +family regulations. <i>It is always the better way for a family to adhere +strictly to all their usual habits</i>; it is a much simpler matter for +one to learn to conform to those than for half a dozen to be thrown out +of a routine, which may be almost indispensable to the fulfillment of +their importunate duties. It certainly must promote the happiness of +any reasonable person to know that his presence is no restraint and +no inconvenience.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span></p> +<p>"Your own good sense and delicacy will teach you the desirability of +keeping your room tidy, and your articles of dress and toilet as much +in order as possible. If there is a deficiency of servants, a lady +will certainly not hesitate to make her own bed, and to do for herself +as much as possible, and for the family all that is in her power. I +never saw an elegant lady of my acquaintance appear to better +advantage than when once performing a service which, under other +circumstances, might have been considered menial; yet, in her own +house, she was surrounded by servants, and certainly she never used a +broom or made a bed a her life."</p> + + +<h3>VI.—SERVANTS.</h3> + +<p>We are all dependent, in one way or another, upon others. At one time +we serve, at another we are served, and we are equally worthy of honor +and respect in the one case as in the other. The man or the woman who +serves us may or may not be our inferior in natural capacity, +learning, manners, or wealth. Be this as it may, the relation in which +we stand to him or her gives us no right beyond the exaction of the +service stipulated or implied in that relation. The right to tyrannize +over our inferiors in social position, to unnecessarily humiliate +them, or to be rude and unkind can not exist, because it would be an +infringement of other rights. Servants have rights as well as those +whom they serve, and the latter have duties as well as the former. We +owe those who labor for us something more than their wages. They have +claims on us for a full recognition of their manhood or womanhood, and +all the rights which grow out of that state.</p> + +<p>The true gentleman is never arrogant, or overbearing, or rude to +domestics or <i>employées</i>. His commands are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span> requests, and all +services, no matter how humble the servant, are received with thanks, +as if they were favors. We might say the same with still greater +emphasis of the true lady. There is no surer sign of vulgarity than a +needless assumption of the tone of authority and a haughty and +supercilious bearing toward servants and inferiors in station +generally. It is a small thing to say, "I thank you," but those little +words are often better than gold. No one is too poor to bestow, or too +rich to receive them.</p> + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="VI" id="VI"></a>VI.</h2> + +<h2>THE OBSERVANCES OF EVERY-DAY LIFE.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot medium"><p>Good manners are the settled medium of social, as specie is of +commercial life: returns are equally expected in both; and +people will no more advance their civility to a bear, than +their money to a bankrupt.—<i>Chesterfield.</i></p></div> + + +<h3>I.—A PRELIMINARY REMARK.</h3> + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 55px;"> +<img src="images/imgi.jpg" width="55" height="170" alt="I" title="" /> +</div><p>n going out into the great world which lies outside of home we have +no new principles to lay down for your guidance. Those we have set +forth and illustrated in previous chapters are of universal +application and meet all contingencies. We shall now essay a brief +exposition of the established laws of etiquette, leaving each reader +to judge for himself how far he can and ought to conform to them, and +what modifications they require to adapt them to a change of time, +place, and circumstances.</p> + + +<h3>II.—INTRODUCTIONS.</h3> + +<p>It is neither necessary nor desirable to introduce everybody to +everybody; and the promiscuous presentations sometimes inflicted upon +us are anything but agreeable. You confer no favor on us, and only a +nominal one on the person presented, by making us acquainted with one +whom we do not desire to know; and you <i>may</i> inflict a positive injury +upon both. Yon also put yourself in an unpleasant position; for "an +introduction is a social indorsement," and yell become to a certain +extent responsible for the person you introduce. If he disgraces +himself in any way you share, in a greater or less degree, in his +disgrace. Be as cautious in this matter as you would in writing your +name on the back of another man's note.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span></p> +<p>As a general rule, no gentleman should be presented to a lady without +her permission being previously obtained. Between gentlemen this +formality is not always necessary, but you should have good reason to +believe that the acquaintance will be agreeable to both, before +introducing any persons to each other. If a gentleman requests you to +present him to another gentleman who is his superior in social +position, or to a lady, you should either obtain permission of the +latter, or decline to accede to his request, on the ground that you +are not sufficiently intimate yourself to take the liberty.</p> + +<p>If you are walking with a friend, and are met or joined by another, it +is not necessary to introduce them to each other; but you may do so if +you think they would be glad to become acquainted. The same rule will +apply to other accidental meetings.</p> + +<p>When two men call upon a stranger on a matter of business, each should +present the other.</p> + +<p>The inferior should be introduced to the superior—the gentleman to +the lady, as, "Miss Brown, permit me to introduce Mr. Smith." A lady +may, however, be introduced to a gentleman much her superior in age or +station. Gentlemen and ladies who are presumed to be equals in age and +position are mutually introduced; as, "Mr. Wilson, allow me to make +you acquainted with Mr. Parker; Mr. Parker, Mr. Wilson."</p> + +<p>In presenting persons be very careful to speak their names plainly; +and on being introduced to another, if you do not catch the name, say, +without hesitation or embarrassment, "I beg your pardon, I did not +hear the name."</p> + +<p>It is the common custom in this country to shake hands on being +introduced. It is better that this should be optional with the person +to whom you are presented or with<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span> you, if you stood in the position +of the superior. If a lady or a superior in age or social position +offers the hand, you of course accept it cordially. You will have too +much self-respect to be the first to extend the hand in such a case. +In merely formal introductions a bow is enough. Feeling should govern +in this matter.</p> + +<p>In introducing members of your own family you should always mention +the name. Say, "My father Mr. Jones," "My daughter Miss Jones," or +"Miss Mary Jones." Your wife is simply "Mrs. Jones;" and if there +happen to be another Mrs. Jones in the family, she may be "Mrs. Jones, +my sister-in-law," etc. To speak of your wife as "my lady," or enter +yourselves on a hotel register as Mr. Jones and lady, is particularly +<i>snobbish</i>.</p> + +<p>Introductions by letter are subject to the same general rules as +verbal ones: we should, however, be still more cautious in giving +them; but for directions on this point, as well as forms for letters +of introduction, see "How to Write," <a href="#IX">Chapter IX</a>.</p> + +<p>But may we not speak to a person without an introduction? In many +cases we most certainly may and should. There is no reason in the +world why two persons who may occupy the same seat in a railway car or +a stage coach should remain silent during the whole journey because +they have not been introduced, when conversation might be agreeable to +both. The same remark will apply to many other occasions. You are not +obliged, however to know these <i>extempore</i> acquaintances afterward.</p> + +<p>If you are a gentleman, do not, we beg you, permit the lack of an +introduction to prevent you from promptly offering your services to +any unattended lady who may need them. Take off your hat and politely +beg the honor of protecting, escorting, or assisting her, and when the +service has been accomplished, bow and retire.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span></p> +<h3>III.—SALUTATIONS.</h3> + +<p>"Salutation," a French writer says, "is the touchstone of good +breeding." Your good sense will teach you that it should vary in style +with persons, times, places, and circumstances. You will meet an +intimate friend with a hearty shake of the hand and an inquiry +indicative of real interest, in reference to his health and that of +his family. To another person you how respectfully without speaking. A +slight note of recognition suffices in another case. But you should +never come into the presence of any person, unless you feel at liberty +to ignore their existence altogether, without some form of salutation. +If you meet in company a person with whom you have a quarrel, it is +better in general to bow coldly and ceremoniously than to seem not to +see him.</p> + +<p>It is a great rudeness not to return a salutation, no matter how +humble the person who salutes you. "A bow," La Fontaine says, "is a +note drawn at sight. If you acknowledge it, you must pay the full +amount." The two best bred men in England, Charles the Second and +George the Fourth, never failed to take off their hats to the meanest +of their subjects. A greater man than either, and a true "gentleman of +the old school," George Washington, was wont to lift his hat even to +the poor negro slave, who took off his as that great man passed.</p> + + +<h3>IV.—RECEPTIONS.</h3> + +<p>The duty of receiving visitors usually devolves upon the mistress of +the house, and should be performed in an easy, quiet, and self +possessed manner, and without any unnecessary ceremony. In this way +you will put your guests at their ease, and make their call or visit +pleasant both to them and to yourself. From a little book before us<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span> +entitled "Etiquette for Ladies," we condense a few useful hints on +this subject:</p> + +<p>"When any one enters, whether announced or not, rise immediately, +advance toward him, and request him to sit down. If it is a young man, +<i>offer</i> him an arm-chair, or a stuffed one; if an elderly man, +<i>insist</i> upon his <i>accepting</i> the arm-chair; if a lady, beg her to be +seated upon the sofa. If the master of the house receives the +visitors, he will take a chair and place himself at a little distance +from them; if, on the contrary, it is the mistress of the house, and +if she is intimate with the lady who visits her, she will place +herself near her. If several ladies come at once, we give the most +honorable place to the one who, from age or other considerations, is +most entitled to respect. In winter, the most honorable places are +those at the corners of the fireplace.</p> + +<p>"If the visitor is a stranger, the master or mistress of the house +rises, and any persons who may be already in the room should do the +same. If some of them then withdraw, the master or mistress of the +house should conduct them as far as the door. But whoever the person +may be who departs, if we have other company, we may dispense with +conducting farther than the door of the room."</p> + +<p>Quiet self-possession and unaffected courtesy will enable you to make +even a ceremonious morning call tolerable, if not absolutely pleasant +to both the caller and yourself.</p> + + +<h3>V.—VISITS AND CALLS.</h3> + +<p>Visits are of various kinds, each of which has its own terms and +observances. There are visits of ceremony, visits of congratulation, +visits of condolence, visits of friendship.</p> + +<p>Visits of ceremony, though they take up a large share<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span> of the time of +the fashionable lady, are very stupid affairs as a general thing, and +have little to recommend them except—Fashion. The best thing about +them is that they may and should be short.</p> + +<p>You pay visits of congratulation to your friends on the occurrence of +any particularly auspicious event in his family, or on his appointment +to any office or dignity.</p> + +<p>Visits of condolence should be made within the week after the event +which calls for them.</p> + +<p>Let visits of friendship be governed by friendship's own laws, and the +universal principles of good manners. We shall give no particular +rules for the regulation of their time or their length.</p> + +<p>"Morning calls," the "Illustrated Manners Book" says "are the small +change of social commerce; parties and assemblies are the heavy +drafts. A call is not less than ten nor more than twenty minutes in +the city; in the country a little longer. The time for a morning call +is between eleven and two o'clock, unless your friends are so +fashionable as to dine at five or six, in which case you can call from +twelve to three. Morning, in fashionable parlance, means any time +before dinner."</p> + +<p>In a morning call or visit of ceremony, the gentleman takes his hat +and cane, if he carries one, into the room. The lady does not take off +her bonnet and shawl. In attending ladies who are making morning +calls, a gentleman assists them up the steps, rings the bell, +<i>follows</i> them into the room, and waits till they have finished their +salutations, unless he has a part to perform in presenting them. +Ladies should always be the first to rise in terminating a visa, and +when they have made their <i>adieux</i> their cavaliers repeat the +ceremony, and follow them out.</p> + +<p>Soiled overshoes or wet garments should not be worn into any room +devoted to the use of ladies. Gentlemen<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span> must never remain seated in +the company of ladies with whom he is ceremoniously associated, while +they are standing. Always relieve ladies of their parcels, parasols, +shawls, etc. whenever this will conduce to their convenience.<a name="FNanchor_B_2" id="FNanchor_B_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_B_2" class="fnanchor">[B]</a></p> + +<p>If you call on a person who is "engaged," or "not at home," leave your +card. If there are several persons you desire to see, leave a card for +each, or desire a servant to present your compliments to them +severally. All visits should be returned, personally or by card, just +as one should speak when spoken to, or answer a respectful letter.</p> + +<p>In visiting at a hotel, do not enter your friend's room till your card +has announced you. If not at home, send your card to his room with +your address written upon it as well as the name of the person for +whom it is intended, to avoid mistakes.<a name="FNanchor_C_3" id="FNanchor_C_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_C_3" class="fnanchor">[C]</a></p> + +<p>When you are going abroad, intending to be absent for some time, you +inclose your card in an envelope, having first, written T. T. L. [to +take leave], or P. P. C. [<i>pour prendre congé</i>] upon it—for a man the +former is better—and direct it outside to the person for whom it is +intended. In taking leave of a <i>family</i>, you send as many cards as you +would if you were paying an ordinary visit. When you return from your +voyage, all the persons to whom, before going, you have sent cards, +will pay you the first visit. If, previously to a voyage or his +marriage, any one should not send his card to another, it is to be +understood that he wishes the acquaintance to cease. The person, +therefore, who is thus <i>dis</i>carded, should never again visit the +other.<a name="FNanchor_D_4" id="FNanchor_D_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_D_4" class="fnanchor">[D]</a></p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span></p><p>Visiting cards should be engraved or handsomely written. Those +printed on type are considered vulgar, simply, no doubt, because they +are cheap. A gentleman's card should be of medium size, unglazed, +ungilt, and perfectly plain. A lady's card may be larger and finer, +and should be carried in a card-case.</p> + +<p>If you should happen to be paying an evening visit at a house, where, +unknown to you, there is a small party assembled, you should enter and +present yourself precisely as you would have done had you been +invited. To retire precipitately with an apology for the intrusion +would create a <i>scene</i>, and be extremely awkward. Go in, therefore, +converse with ease for a few moments, and then retire.</p> + +<p>In making morning calls, usage allows a gentleman to wear a frock +coat, or a sack coat, if the latter happen to be in fashion. The frock +coat is now, in this country, <i>tolerated</i> at dinner-parties, and even +at a ball, but is not considered in good <i>ton</i> or style.</p> + +<p>"Ladies," according to the authority of a writer of their own sex, +"should make morning calls in an elegant and simple <i>négligé</i>, all the +details of which we can not give, on account of their multiplicity and +the numerous modifications of fashion. It is necessary for them, when +visiting at this time, to arrange their toilet with great care."</p> + + +<h3>VI.—APPOINTMENTS.</h3> + +<p>Be exact in keeping all appointments. It is better never to avail +yourself of even the quarter of an hour's grace sometimes allowed.</p> + +<p>If you make an appointment with another at your own house, you should +be invisible to the rest of the world, and consecrate your time solely +to him.</p> + +<p>If you accept an appointment at the house of a public<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span> officer or a +man of business, be very punctual, transact the affair with dispatch, +and retire the moment it is finished.</p> + +<p>At a dinner or supper to which you have accepted an invitation, be +absolutely punctual. It is very annoying to arrive an hour before the +rest, and still worse to be too late. If you find yourself in the +latter predicament on an occasion where ceremony is required, send in +your card, with an apology, and retire.</p> + + +<h3>VII.—TABLE MANNERS.</h3> + +<p>We shall speak in another place of the ceremonious observances +requisite at formal dinner parties. Our observations here will be of a +more general character, and of universal application.</p> + +<p>Take your seat quietly at the table. Sit firmly in your chair, without +lolling, leaning back, drumming, or any other uncouth action. Unfold +your napkin and lay it in your lap, eat soup delicately with a spoon, +holding a piece of bread in your left hand. Be careful to make no +noise in chewing or swallowing your food.</p> + +<p>Cut your food with your knife; but the fork is to be used to convey it +to your mouth. A spoon is employed for food that can not be eaten with +a fork. Take your fork or spoon in the right hand. Never use both +hands to convey anything to your month. Break your bread, not cut or +bite it. Your cup was made to drink from, and your saucer to hold the +cup. It is not well to drink anything hot; but you can wait till your +tea or coffee cools. Eggs should be eaten from the shell (chipping off +a little of the <i>larger</i> end), with or without an egg-cup. The egg-cup +is to hold the shell, and not its contents.</p> + +<p>Be attentive to the wants of any lady who may be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span> seated next to you, +especially where there are no servants, and pass anything that may be +needful to others.</p> + +<p>When you send up your plate for anything, your knife and fork should +go with it. When you have finished the course, lay your knife and fork +on your plate, parallel to each other, with the handles toward your +right hand. Of course, you should never put your knife into the butter +or the salt, or your spoon into the sugar-bowl. <i>Eat moderately and +slowly</i>, for your health's sake; but rapid, gross, and immoderate +eating is as vulgar as it is unwholesome. Never say or do anything at +table that is liable to produce disgust. Wipe your nose, if needful, +but never blow it. If it is necessary to do this, or to spit, leave +the table.</p> + +<p>It is almost unnecessary to mention that the table-cloth is not the +place to put your salt. Bread is the only comestible which the custom +of well-bred people permits to be laid off your plate.</p> + +<p>It is well not to seem too much in haste to commence, as if you are +famishing, but neither is it necessary to wait till everybody is +served before you commence.</p> + +<p>It is perfectly proper to "take the last piece," if you want it, +always presuming that there is more of the same in reserve.</p> + + +<h3>VIII.—CONVERSATION.</h3> + +<p>As conversation is the principal business in company, we can not well +pay too much attention to it; but having devoted another work to the +subject, we shall make this section briefer than would otherwise be +allowable, and refer our readers for complete instructions in this +important art to "How to Talk."<a name="FNanchor_E_5" id="FNanchor_E_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_E_5" class="fnanchor">[E]</a> The maxims which follow are mostly +compiled from other works now before us.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span></p> +<p>The wit of conversation consists more in finding it in others than in +showing a great deal yourself. He who goes from your conversation +pleased with himself and his own wit, is perfectly well pleased with +you. The most delicate pleasure is to please another.<a name="FNanchor_F_6" id="FNanchor_F_6"></a><a href="#Footnote_F_6" class="fnanchor">[F]</a></p> + +<p>Men of all sorts of occupations meet in society. As they go there to +unbend their minds and escape from the fetters of business, you should +never, in an evening, speak to a man about his profession. Do not talk +of politics to a journalist, of fevers to a physician, of stocks to a +broker. Talk to a mother about her children. Women are never tired of +hearing of themselves and their children.<a name="FNanchor_G_7" id="FNanchor_G_7"></a><a href="#Footnote_G_7" class="fnanchor">[G]</a></p> + +<p>In promiscuous companies you should vary your address agreeably to the +different ages of the persons to whom you speak. It would be rude and +absurd to talk of your courtships or your pleasures to men of certain +dignity and gravity, to clergymen, or men in years. To women you +should always address yourself with great respect and attention; their +sex is entitled to it, and it is among the duties of good manners; at +the same time, that respect is very properly and very agreeably mixed +with a degree of gayety, if you have it.</p> + +<p>In relating anything, avoid repetitions, or very hackneyed +expressions, such as, <i>says he</i>, or <i>says she</i>. Some people will use +these so often as to take off the hearer's attention from the story; +as, in an organ out of tune, one pipe shall perhaps sound the whole +time we are playing, and confuse the piece so as not to be understood.</p> + +<p>Carefully avoid talking either of your own or other people's domestic +concerns. By doing the one, you will be thought vain; by entering into +the other, you will <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span>be considered officious. Talking of yourself is +an impertinence to the company; your affairs are nothing to them; +besides, they can not be kept too secret. As to the affairs of others, +what are they to you?</p> + +<p>You should never help out or forestall the slow speaker, as if you +alone were rich in expressions, and he were poor. You may take it for +granted that every one is vain enough to think he can talk well, +though he may modestly deny it. [There is an exception to this rule. +In speaking with foreigners, who understand our language imperfectly, +and may be unable to find the right word, it is sometimes polite to +assist them by suggesting the word they require.]</p> + +<p>Giving advice unasked is another piece of rudeness. It is, in effect, +declaring ourselves wiser than those to whom we give it; reproaching +them with ignorance and inexperience. It is a freedom that ought not +to be taken with any common acquaintance.</p> + +<p>Those who contradict others upon all occasions, and make every +assertion a matter of dispute, betray, by this behavior, a want of +acquaintance with good breeding.</p> + +<p>Vulgarism in language is the next and distinguishing characteristic of +bad company and a bad education. A man of fashion avoids nothing with +more care than that. Proverbial expressions and trite sayings are the +flowers of the rhetoric of a vulgar man.<a name="FNanchor_H_8" id="FNanchor_H_8"></a><a href="#Footnote_H_8" class="fnanchor">[H]</a></p> + +<p>Never descend to flattery; but deserved compliments should never be +withheld. Be attentive to any person who may be speaking to you, and +be equally ready to speak or to listen, as the case may require. Never +dispute. As a general rule, do not ride your own <i>hobbies</i> in a mixed +company, nor allow yourself to be "trotted out" for their amusement.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span></p> +<h3>IX.—MUSIC.</h3> + +<p>When music commences, conversation should cease. It is very rude to +talk while another person is singing or playing.</p> + +<p>A lady should never exhibit any anxiety to sing or play; but if she +intends to do so, she should not affect to refuse when asked, but +obligingly accede at once. If you can not sing, or do not choose to, +say so with seriousness and gravity, and put an end to the expectation +promptly. After singing once or twice, cease and give place to others. +The complaint is as old as the days of Horace, that a singer can with +the greatest difficulty be set agoing, and when agoing, can not be +stopped.</p> + +<p>In playing an accompaniment for another, do not forget that it is +intended to aid, and not to interrupt, and that the instrument is +subordinate to the singer.</p> + +<p>When a lady is playing, it is desirable that some one should turn the +leaves for her. Some gentleman will be generally at hand to do this, +but unless he be able to read music, his services may as well be +dispensed with.</p> + + +<h3>X.—LETTERS AND NOTES.</h3> + +<p>Few accomplishments are more important than letter writing—in fact, +it is absolutely indispensable to every man or woman who desires to +fill a respectable position it society. But good letter-writers are +rare. Too little attention is paid to the subject in our systems of +education; and the lack of the ability to write a decent letter, or +even a note of invitation, acceptance, or regret, is often the cause +of great mortification, to say nothing of the delays, misunderstandings, +and losses resulting in business affairs from bungling and incorrectly +written letters.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span></p> +<p>The impossibility of doing justice to the subject in the very limited +space that we could devote to it in this work, compels us to refer the +reader to our little manual of Composition and Letter-Writing, +entitled "How to Write," in which the whole subject is thoroughly +explained and illustrated.</p> + + +<h3>XI.—MISCELLANEOUS HINTS.</h3> + +<h4><br />1. <i>Which goes First?</i></h4> + +<p>In ascending or descending stairs with a lady, it is proper to offer +your arm, provided the stair-case is sufficiently wide to permit two +to go up or down abreast.</p> + +<p>But if it is not, which should go first? Authorities disagree. Usage +is not settled. It is a general rule of etiquette to give ladies the +precedence everywhere. Is there a sufficient reason for making this an +exception? One says that if you follow a lady in going down stairs, +you are liable to tread on her dress, and that if she precedes you in +going up, she might display a large foot or a thick ankle which were +better concealed. He thinks the gentleman should go first. Another +calls this a maxim of prudery and the legacy of a maiden aunt. Colonel +Lunettes, our oft-quoted friend of the old <i>régime</i>, speaks very +positively on this point. "Nothing is more absurd," he says, "than the +habit of preceding ladies in ascending stairs, adopted by some men—as +if by following just behind them, as one should if the arm be +disengaged, there can be any impropriety. Soiled frills and unmended +hose must have originated this vulgarity." Let the ladies decide.</p> + + +<h4>2. <i>An American Habit.</i></h4> + +<p>There is a habit peculiar to the United States, and from which even +some females, who class themselves as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span> ladies, are not entirely +free—that of lolling back, balanced upon the two hind legs of a +chair. Such a breach of good breeding is rarely committed in Europe. +Lolling is carried even so for in America, that it is not uncommon to +see the attorneys lay their feet upon the council table; and the +clerks and judges theirs also upon their desks in open court.</p> + + +<h4>3. <i>Gloved or Ungloved?</i></h4> + +<p>In shaking hands it is more respectful to offer an ungloved hand; but +if two gentlemen are both gloved, it is very foolish to keep each +other waiting to take them off. You should not, however, offer a +gloved hand to a lady or a superior who is ungloved. Foreigners are +sometimes very sensitive in this matter, and might deem the glove an +insult. It is well for a gentleman to carry his right-hand glove in +his hand where he is likely to have occasion to shake hands. At a ball +or a party the gloves should not be taken off.</p> + + +<h4>4. <i>Equality.</i></h4> + +<p>In company, though none are <i>free</i>, yet all are <i>equal</i>. All, +therefore, whom you meet should be treated with equal respect, +although interest may dictate toward each different degrees of +attention. It is disrespectful to the inviter to shun any of her +guests.</p> + + +<h4>5. <i>False Shame.</i></h4> + +<p>In a letter to his son, Lord Chesterfield makes the following +confession: "I have often wished an obscure acquaintance absent, for +meeting and taking notice of me when I was in what I thought and +called fine company. I have returned his notice shyly, awkwardly, and +consequently offensively, for fear of a momentary joker not +considering, as I ought to have done, that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span> the very people who would +have joked upon me at first, would have esteemed me the more for it +afterward."</p> + +<p>A good hint for us all.</p> + + +<h4>6. <i>Pulling out one's Watch.</i></h4> + +<p>Pulling out your watch in company, unasked, either at home or abroad, +is a mark of ill-breeding. If at home, it appears as if you were tired +of your company, and wished them to be gone; if abroad, as if the +hours dragged heavily, and you wished to be gone yourself. If you want +to know the time, withdraw; besides, as the taking what is called +French leave was introduced, that, on one person's leaving the +company, the rest might not be disturbed, looking at your watch does +what that piece of politeness was designed to prevent.</p> + + +<h4>7. <i>Husband and Wife.</i></h4> + +<p>A gentleman speaks of his wife in a mixed company as Mrs. ——, and a +lady of her husband as Mr. ——. So one does not say in speaking to +another, "your wife," or "your husband," but Mrs. or Mr. ——. Among +intimates, however, to say "my wife," or "my husband," is better, +because less formal. Let there be a <i>fitness</i> in everything, whatever +conventional rules you may violate.</p> + + +<h4>8. <i>Bowing vs. Curtseying.</i></h4> + +<p>Curtseying is obsolete. Ladies now universally bow instead. The latter +is certainly a more convenient, if not a more graceful form of +salutation, particularly on the street.</p> + + +<h4>9. <i>Presents.</i></h4> + +<p>Among friends, presents ought to be made of things of small value; or, +if valuable, their worth should be derived from the style of the +workmanship, or from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span> some accidental circumstance, rather than from +the inherent and solid richness. Especially never offer to a lady a +gift of great cost; it is in the highest degree indelicate, and looks +as if you were desirous of placing her under an obligation to you, and +of buying her good-will.</p> + +<p>The gifts made by ladies to gentlemen are of the most refined nature +possible; they should be little articles not purchased, but deriving a +priceless value as being the offspring of their gentle skill; a little +picture from their pencil or a trifle from their needle.</p> + +<p>A present should be made with as little parade and ceremony as +possible. If it is a small matter, a gold pencil-case, a thimble to a +lady, or an affair of that sort, it should not be offered formally, +but in an indirect way.</p> + +<p>Emerson says: "Rings and other jewels are not gifts, but apologies for +gifts. The only gift is a portion of thyself. Thou must bleed for me. +Therefore the poet brings his poem; the shepherd, his lamb; the +farmer, his corn; the miner, a gem; the sailor, coral and shells; the +painter, his picture; the girl, a handkerchief of her own sewing."</p> + + +<h4>10. <i>Snobbery</i></h4> + +<p>When you hear a man insisting upon points of etiquette and fashion; +wondering, for instance, how people can eat with steel forks and +survive it, or what charms existence has for persons who dine at three +without soup and fish, be sure that that individual is a snob.</p> + + +<h4>11. <i>Children.</i></h4> + +<p>Show, but do not show off, your children to strangers. Recollect, in +the matter of children, how many are born every hour, each are almost +as remarkable as yours in the eyes of its papa and mamma.</p> + + +<div class="footnotes"><p>FOOTNOTES:</p> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_B_2" id="Footnote_B_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_B_2"><span class="label">[B]</span></a> "Colonel Lunettes."</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_C_3" id="Footnote_C_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_C_3"><span class="label">[C]</span></a> "Manners Book."</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_D_4" id="Footnote_D_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_D_4"><span class="label">[D]</span></a> "Etiquette for Gentlemen."</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_E_5" id="Footnote_E_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_E_5"><span class="label">[E]</span></a> "How to Talk: A Pocket Manual of Conversation, Public +Speaking, and Debating." New York. Fowler and Wells. Price 80 cents.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_F_6" id="Footnote_F_6"></a><a href="#FNanchor_F_6"><span class="label">[F]</span></a> La Bruyère</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_G_7" id="Footnote_G_7"></a><a href="#FNanchor_G_7"><span class="label">[G]</span></a> "Etiquette for Gentlemen."</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_H_8" id="Footnote_H_8"></a><a href="#FNanchor_H_8"><span class="label">[H]</span></a> Chesterfield.</p></div> +</div> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="VII" id="VII"></a>VII.</h2> + +<h2>THE ETIQUETTE OF OCCASIONS.</h2> + +<div class="poem medium"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i13">Great plenty, much formality, small cheer,<br /></span> +<span class="i13">And everybody out of his own sphere.—<i>Byron.</i><br /></span> +</div></div> + + +<h3>I.—DINNER PARTIES.</h3> + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 78px;"> +<img src="images/imga.jpg" width="78" height="163" alt="A" title="" /> +</div><p> young man or a young woman, unaccustomed to the settled observances +of such occasions, can hardly pass through a severer ordeal than a +formal dinner. Its terrors, however, are often greatly magnified. Such +a knowledge of the principal points of table etiquette as you may +acquire from this book, complete self-possession, habits of +observation, and a fair share of practical good sense, will carry one +safely if not pleasantly through it.</p> + +<p>You may entertain the opinion that such dinners, and formal parties in +general, are tiresome affairs, and that there might be quite as much +real courtesy and a great deal more enjoyment with less ceremony, and +we may entirely agree with you; but what <i>is</i>, and not what <i>might +be</i>, is the point to be elucidated. We are to take society as we find +it. You may, as a general rule, decline invitations to dinner parties +without any breach of good manners, and without giving offense, if you +think that neither your enjoyment nor your interests will be promoted +by accepting; or you may not go into what is technically called +"society" at all, and yet you are liable, at a hotel, on board a +steamer, or on some extraordinary occasion, to be placed in a position +in which<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span> ignorance of dinner etiquette will be very mortifying and +the information contained in this section be worth a hundred times the +cost of the book.</p> + +<p>We now proceed to note the common routine of a fashionable dinner, as +laid down in books and practiced in polite society. On some points +usage is not uniform, but varies in different countries, and even in +different cities in the same country, as well as in different circles +in the same place. For this reason you must not rely wholly upon this +or any other manners book, but, keeping your eyes open and your wits +about you, <i>wait and see what others do</i>, and follow the prevailing +mode.</p> + + +<h4>1. <i>Invitations.</i></h4> + +<p>Invitations to a dinner are usually issued several days before the +appointed time—the length of time being proportioned to the grandeur +of the occasion. On receiving one, you should answer at once, +addressing the lady of the house. You should either accept or decline +unconditionally, as they will wish to know whom to expect, and make +their preparations accordingly.</p> + + +<h4>2. <i>Dress.</i></h4> + +<p>You must go to a dinner party in "full dress." Just what this is, is a +question of time and place. Strictly interpreted, it allows gentlemen +but little choice. A black dress coat and trowsers, a black or white +vest and cravat, white gloves, and pumps and silk stockings were +formerly rigorously insisted upon. But the freedom-loving "spirit of +the age" has already made its influence felt even in the realms of +fashion, and a little more latitude is now allowed in most circles. +The "American Gentleman's Guide" enumerates the essentials of a +gentleman's dress for occasions of ceremony in general, as follows:</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span></p><p>"A stylish, well-fitting cloth coat, of some dark color and of +unexceptionable quality, nether garments to correspond, or in warm +weather, or under other suitable circumstances, white pants of a +fashionable material and make, the finest and purest linen, +embroidered in white, if at all; a cravat and vest of some dark or +neutral tint, according to the physiognomical peculiarities of the +wearer and the <i>prevailing mode</i>; an entirely fresh-looking, +fashionable black hat, and carefully-fitted modish boots, white +gloves, and a soft, thin, white handkerchief."</p> + +<p>A lady's "full dress" is not easily defined, and fashion allows her +greater scope for the exercise of her taste in the selection of +materials, the choice of colors, and the style of making. Still, she +must "be in the fashion."</p> + + +<h4>3. <i>Punctuality.</i></h4> + +<p>Never allow yourself to be a minute behind the time. The dinner can +not be served till all the guests have arrived. If it is spoiled +through your tardiness, you are responsible not only to your inviter, +but to his outraged guests. Better be too late for the steamer or the +railway train than for a dinner!</p> + + +<h4>4. <i>Going to the Table.</i></h4> + +<p>When dinner is announced, the host rises and requests all to walk to +the dining-room, to which he leads the way, having given his arm to +the lady who, from age or any other consideration, is entitled to +precedence. Each gentleman offers his arm to a lady, and all follow in +order. If you are not the principal guest, you must be careful not to +offer your arm to the handsomest or most distinguished lady.</p> + + +<h4>5. <i>Arrangement of Guests.</i></h4> + +<p>Where rank or social position are regarded (and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span> where are they not to +some extent?), the two most distinguished gentlemen are placed next +the mistress of the house, and the two most distinguished ladies next +the master of the house. The right hand is especially the place of +honor. If it is offered to you, you should not refuse it.</p> + +<p>It is one of the first and most difficult things properly to arrange +the guests, and to place them in such a manner that the conversation +may always be general during the entertainment. If the number of +gentlemen is nearly equal to that of the ladies, we should take care +to intermingle them. We should separate husbands from their wives, and +remove near relations as far from one another as possible, because +being always together they ought not to converse among themselves in a +general party.</p> + + +<h4>6. <i>Duties of the Host.</i></h4> + +<p>To perform faultlessly the honors of the table is one of the most +difficult things in society; it might indeed be asserted, without much +fear of contradiction, that no man has as yet ever reached exact +propriety in his office as host. When he receives others, he must be +content to forget himself; he must relinquish all desire to shine, and +even all attempts to please his guests by conversation, and rather do +all in his power to let them please one another.</p> + +<p>Help ladies with a due appreciation of their delicacy, moderation, and +fastidiousness of their appetites; and do not overload the plate of +any person you serve. Never pour gravy on a plate without permission. +It spoils the meat for some persons.</p> + +<p>Do not insist upon your guests partaking of particular dishes; never +ask persons more than once, and never put anything by force upon their +plates. It is <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span>extremely ill-bred, though extremely common, to press +one to eat of anything.</p> + +<p>The host should never recommend or eulogize any particular dish; his +guests will take it for granted that anything found at his table is +excellent.</p> + +<p>The most important maxim in hospitality is to leave every one to his +own choice and enjoyment, and to free him <i>from an ever-present sense +of being entertained</i>. You should never send away your own plate until +all your guests have finished.</p> + + +<h4>7. <i>Duties of the Guests.</i></h4> + +<p>Gentlemen must be assiduous but not officious in their attentions to +the ladies. See that they lack nothing, but do not seem to watch them.</p> + +<p>If a "grace" is to be asked, treat the observance with respect. Good +manners require this, even if veneration fails to suggest it.</p> + +<p>Soup will come first. <i>You must not decline it</i>; because nothing else +can be served till the first course is finished, and to sit with +nothing before you would be awkward. But you may eat as little of it +as you choose. The host serves his left-hand neighbor first, then his +right hand, and so on till all are served. Take whatever is given you, +and do <i>not</i> offer it to your neighbor; and begin at once to eat. You +must not suck soup into your month, blow it, or send for a second +plate. The second course is fish, which is to be eaten with a fork, +and without vegetables. The last part of this injunction does not, of +course, apply to informal dinners, where fish is the principal dish. +Fish, like soup, is served but once. When you have eaten what you +wish, you lay your fork on your plate, and the waiter removes it. The +third course brings the principal dishes—roast and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span> boiled meats, +fowl, etc., which are followed by game. There are also side dishes of +various kinds. At dessert, help the ladies near you to whatever they +may require. Serve strawberries with a spoon, but pass cherries, +grapes, or peaches for each to help himself with his fingers. You need +not volunteer to pare an apple or a peach for a lady, but should do +so, of course, at her request, using her fork or some other than your +own to hold it.</p> + +<p>We have said in our remarks on table manners in general, in a previous +chapter, that in sending your plate for anything, you should leave +your knife and fork upon it. For this injunction we have the authority +of most of the books on etiquette, as well as of general usage. There +seems also to be a reason for the custom in the fact, that to hold +them in your hand would be awkward, and to lay them on the table-cloth +might soil it; but the author of the "American Gentleman's Guide," +whose acquaintance with the best usage is not to be questioned, says +that they should be retained, and either kept together in the hand, or +rested upon your bread, to avoid soiling the cloth.</p> + +<p>Eat deliberately and decorously (there can be no harm in repeating +this precept), masticate your food thoroughly, and <i>beware of drinking +too much ice-water</i>.</p> + +<p>If your host is not a "temperance man," that is, one pledged to total +abstinence, wine will probably be drunk. You can of course decline, +but you must do so courteously, and without any reflection upon those +who drink. You are not invited to deliver a temperance lecture.</p> + +<p>Where finger-glasses are used, dip the tips of your fingers in the +water and wipe them on your napkin; and wet a corner of the napkin and +wipe your mouth. Snobs<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span> sometimes wear gloves at table. It is not +necessary that you should imitate them.</p> + +<p>The French fashion of having the principal dishes carved on a +side-table, and served by attendants, is now very generally adopted at +ceremonious dinners in this country, but few gentlemen who go into +company at all can safely count upon never being called upon to carve, +and the <i>art</i> is well worth acquiring. Ignorance of it sometimes +places one in an awkward position. You will find directions on this +subject in almost any cook-book; you will learn more, however, by +watching an accomplished carver than in any other way.</p> + +<p>Do not allow yourself to be too much engrossed in attending to the +wants of the stomach, to join in the cheerful interchange of +civilities and thoughts with those near you.</p> + +<p>We must leave a hundred little things connected with a dinner party +unmentioned; but what we have said here, together with the general +canons of eating laid down in <a href="#VI">Chapter VI</a>. (Section 7, "Table +Manners"), and a little observation, will soon make you a proficient +in the etiquette of these occasions, in which, if you will take our +advice, you will not participate very frequently. An <i>informal</i> +dinner, at which you meet two or three friends, and find more cheer +and less ceremony, is much to be preferred.</p> + + +<h3>II.—EVENING PARTIES.</h3> + +<p>Evening parties are of various kinds, and more or less ceremonious, as +they are more or less fashionable. Their object is or should be social +enjoyment, and the manners of the company ought to be such as will +best promote it. A few hints, therefore, in addition to the general +maxims of good behavior already laid down, will suffice.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span></p> +<h4>1. <i>Invitations.</i></h4> + +<p>Having accepted an invitation to a party, never fail to keep your +promise, and especially do not allow bad weather, of any ordinary +character, to prevent your attendance. A married man should never +accept an invitation from a lady in which his wife is not included.</p> + + +<h4>2. <i>Salutations.</i></h4> + +<p>When you enter a drawing-room where there is a party, you salute the +lady of the house before speaking to any one else. Even your most +intimate friends are enveloped in an opake atmosphere until you have +made your bow to your entertainer.<a name="FNanchor_I_9" id="FNanchor_I_9"></a><a href="#Footnote_I_9" class="fnanchor">[I]</a> You then mix with the company, +salute your acquaintances, and join in the conversation. You may +converse freely with any person you meet on such an occasion, without +the formality of an introduction.</p> + + +<h4>3. <i>Conversation.</i></h4> + +<p>When conversation is not general, nor the subject sufficiently +interesting to occupy the whole company, they break up into different +groups. Each one converses with one or more of his neighbors on his +right and left. We should, if we wish to speak to any one, avoid +leaning upon the person who happens to be between. A gentleman ought +not to lean upon the arm of a lady's chair, but he may, if standing, +support himself by the back of it, in order to converse with the lady +partly turned toward him.<a name="FNanchor_J_10" id="FNanchor_J_10"></a><a href="#Footnote_J_10" class="fnanchor">[J]</a></p> + +<p>The members of an invited family should never be seen conversing one +with another at a party.</p> + + +<h4>4. <i>French Leave.</i></h4> + +<p>If you desire to withdraw before the party breaks <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span>up, take "French +leave"—that is, go quietly out without disturbing any one, and +without saluting even the mistress of the house, unless you can do so +without attracting attention. The contrary course would interrupt the +rest of the company, and call for otherwise unnecessary explanations +and ceremony.</p> + + +<h4>5. <i>Sports and Games.</i></h4> + +<p>Among young people, and particularly in the country, a variety of +sports or plays, as they are called, are in vogue. Some of them are +fitting only for children; but others are more intellectual, and may +be made sources of improvement as well as of amusement.</p> + +<p>Entering into the spirit of these sports, we throw off some of the +restraints of a more formal intercourse; but they furnish no excuse +for rudeness. You must not forget your politeness in your hilarity, or +allow yourself to "take liberties," or lose your sense of delicacy and +propriety.</p> + +<p>The selection of the games or sports belongs to the ladies, though any +person may modestly propose any amusement, and ask the opinion of +others in reference to it. The person who gives the party will +exercise her prerogative to vary the play, that the interest may be +kept up.</p> + +<p>If this were the proper place, we should enter an earnest protest +against the promiscuous kissing which sometimes forms part of the +performances in some of these games, but it is not our office to +proscribe or introduce observances, but to regulate them. No true +gentleman will <i>abuse</i> the freedom which the laws of the game allows; +but if required, will delicately kiss the hand, the forehead, or, at +most, the cheek of the lady. A lady will offer her lips to be kissed +only to a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span> lover or a husband, and not to him in company. The French +code is a good one: "Give your hand to a gentleman to kiss, your cheek +to a friend, but keep your lips for your lover."</p> + +<p>Never prescribe any forfeiture which can wound the feelings of any of +the company, and "pay" those which may be adjudged to you with +cheerful promptness.</p> + + +<h4>6. <i>Dancing.</i></h4> + +<p>An evening party is often only another name for a ball. We may have as +many and as weighty objections to dancing, as conducted at these +fashionable parties, as to the formal dinners and rich and late +suppers which are in vogue in the same circles, but this is not the +place to discuss the merits of the quadrille or the waltz, but to lay +down the etiquette of the occasions on which they are practiced. We +condense from the various authorities before us the following code:</p> + +<p>1. According to the hours now in fashion in our large cities, ten +o'clock is quite early enough to present yourself at a dance. You will +even then find many coming after you. In the country, you should go +earlier.</p> + +<p>2. Draw on your gloves (white or yellow) in the dressing-room, and do +not be for one moment with them off in the dancing-rooms. At supper +take them off; nothing is more preposterous than to eat in gloves.</p> + +<p>3. When you are sure of a place in the dance, you go up to a lady and +ask her if she will <i>do you the honor</i> to dance with you. If she +answers that she is engaged, merely request her to name the earliest +dance for which she is not engaged, and when she will do you the honor +of dancing with you.</p> + +<p>4. If a gentleman offers to dance with a lady, she should not refuse, +unless for some <i>particular</i> and <i>valid</i><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span> reason, in which case she +can accept the next offer. But if she has no further objection than a +temporary dislike or a piece of coquetry, it is a direct insult to him +to refuse him and accept the next offer; besides, it shows too marked +a preference for the latter.</p> + +<p>5. When a woman is standing in a quadrille, though not engaged in +dancing, a man not acquainted with her partner should not converse +with her.</p> + +<p>6. When an unpracticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprize him of +his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him +a lesson.</p> + +<p>7. Unless a man has a very graceful figure, and can use it with great +elegance, it is better for him to <i>walk</i> through the quadrilles, or +invent some gliding movement for the occasion.</p> + +<p>8. At the end of the dance, the gentleman re-conducts the lady to her +place, bows, and thanks her for the honor which she has conferred. She +also bows in silence.</p> + +<p>9. The master of the house should see that all the ladies dance. He +should take notice particularly of those who seem to serve as +<i>drapery</i> to the walls of the ball-room (or <i>wall flowers</i>, as the +familiar expression is), and should see that they are invited to +dance.</p> + +<p>10. Ladies who dance much should be very careful not to boast before +those who dance but little or not at all, of the great number of +dances for which they are engaged in advance. They should also, +without being perceived, recommend these less fortunate ladies to +gentlemen of their acquaintance.</p> + +<p>11. For any of the members, either sons or daughters, of the family at +whose house the ball is given, to dance frequently or constantly, +denotes decided ill-breeding; the ladies should not occupy those +places in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span> a quadrille which others may wish to fill, and they should, +moreover, be at leisure to attend to the rest of the company; and the +gentlemen should be entertaining the married women and those who do +not dance.</p> + +<p>12. Never hazard taking part in a quadrille, unless you know how to +dance tolerably; for if you are a novice, or but little skilled, you +would bring disorder into the midst of pleasure.</p> + +<p>13. If you accompany your wife to a dance, be careful not to dance +with her, except perhaps the first set.</p> + +<p>14. When that long and anxiously desiderated hour, the hour of supper, +has arrived, you hand the lady you attend up or down to the +supper-table. You remain with her while she is at the table, seeing +that she has all that she desires, and then conduct her back to the +dancing-rooms.</p> + +<p>15. A gentleman attending a lady should invariably dance the first set +with her, and may afterward introduce her to a friend for the purpose +of dancing.</p> + +<p>16. Ball-room introductions cease with the object—viz.: dancing; nor +subsequently anywhere else can a gentleman approach the lady by +salutation or in any other mode without a re-introduction of a formal +character.</p> + +<p>This code must be understood as applying in full only to fashionable +dancing parties in the city, though most of the rules should be +adhered to in any place. The good sense of the reader will enable him +to modify them to suit any particular occasion.</p> + + +<h3>III.—ANNUAL FESTIVALS.</h3> + +<h4><br />1. <i>Christmas.</i></h4> + +<p>At Christmas people give parties and make presents. In Europe, and in +some portions of our own country,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span> it is the most important festive +occasion in the year. Beyond the religious observances of the +Catholics, Episcopalians, and some other sects, and the universal +custom of making presents to all our relatives and intimate friends, +and especially to the children, there is no matter of etiquette +peculiar to Christmas which it is necessary for us to note. We have +already spoken of presents; and religious ceremonies will find a place +in another chapter.</p> + + +<h4>2. <i>The New Year.</i></h4> + +<p>In New York, and some other cities and towns which have adopted its +customs, every gentleman is expected to call on all his lady +acquaintances on New Year's day; and each lady on her part must be +prepared properly to do the honors of her house. Refreshments are +usually provided in great profusion. The etiquette of these occasions +does not differ materially from that of ceremonious morning calls, +except that the entire day is devoted to them, and they may be +extended beyond the limits of one's ordinary visiting list. The ladies +may make their calls on the next day, or any time within the week.</p> + + +<h4>3. <i>Thanksgiving.</i></h4> + +<p>This is the great family festival of New England—the season of home +gatherings. Sons and daughters, scattered far and wide, then turn +instinctively toward the old homestead, and the fireside of their +childhood is again made glad by their presence and that of their +little ones. Etiquette requires fat turkeys, well roasted, a plenty of +<i>pumpkin pies</i>, unbounded hospitality, genuine friendliness, and +cheerful and thankful hearts.</p> + + +<h4>4. <i>Birthdays.</i></h4> + +<p>Birthdays are sometimes made family festivals at which parties are +given, and presents made to the one<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span> whose anniversary is celebrated. +In France, these occasions are observed with great merry making and +many felicitations and gifts.</p> + + +<h3>IV.—EXCURSIONS AND PICNICS.</h3> + +<p>Picnic excursions into the country are not occasions of ceremony, but +call for the exercise of all one's real good nature and good breeding. +On leaving the carriage, cars, or steamboat, gentlemen should of +course relieve the ladies they attend of the shawls, baskets, etc., +with which they may have provided themselves, and give them all +necessary assistance in reaching the spot selected for the +festivities. It is also their duty and their happiness to accompany +them in their rambles, when it is the pleasure of the fair ones to +require their attendance, but <i>not</i> to be <i>obtrusive</i>. They may +sometimes wish to be alone.</p> + +<p>If a lady chooses to seat herself upon the ground, you are not at +liberty to follow her example unless she invites you to be seated. She +must not have occasion to think of the possibility of any impropriety +on your part. You are her servant, protector, and guard of honor. You +will of course give her your hand to assist her in rising. When the +sylvan repast is served, you will see that the ladies whose cavalier +you have the honor to be, lack nothing. The ladies, social queens +though they be, should not forget that every favor or act of courtesy +and deference, by whoever shown, demands some acknowledgment on their +part—a word, a bow, a smile, or at least a kind look.</p> + + +<h3>V.—WEDDINGS.</h3> + +<p>We copy from one of the numerous manners books before us the following +condensed account of the usual ceremonies of a formal wedding. A +simpler, less <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span>ceremonious, and more private mode of giving legal +sanction to an already existing union of hearts would be more to <i>our</i> +taste; but, as the French proverb has it, <i>Chacun à son goût</i>.<a name="FNanchor_K_11" id="FNanchor_K_11"></a><a href="#Footnote_K_11" class="fnanchor">[K]</a></p> + +<p>For a stylish wedding, the lady requires a bridegroom, two +bridesmaids, two groomsmen, and a parson or magistrate, her relatives +and whatever friends of both parties they may choose to invite. For a +formal wedding in the evening, a week's notice is requisite. The lady +fixes the day. Her mother or nearest female relation invites the +guests. The evening hour is 8 o'clock; but if the ceremony is private, +and the happy couple to start immediately and alone, the ceremony +usually takes place in the morning at eleven or twelve o'clock.</p> + +<p>If there is an evening party, the refreshments must be as usual on +such occasions, with the addition of wedding cake, commonly a pound +cake with rich frosting, and a fruit cake.</p> + +<p>The dress of the bride is of the purest white; her head is commonly +dressed with orange flowers, natural or artificial, and white roses. +She wears few ornaments, and none but such as are given her for the +occasion. A white lace vail is often worn on the head. White long +gloves and white satin slippers complete the costume.</p> + +<p>The dress of the bridegroom is simply the full dress of a gentleman, +of unusual richness and elegance.</p> + +<p>The bridesmaids are dressed also in white, but more simply than the +bride.</p> + +<p>At the hour appointed for the ceremony, the second bridesmaid and +groomsman, when there are two, enter the room; then, first bridesmaid +and groomsman; and lastly the bride and bridegroom. They enter, the +ladies taking the arms of the gentlemen, and take seats <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span>appointed, so +that the bride is at the right of the bridegroom, and each supported +by their respective attendants.</p> + +<p>A chair is then placed for the clergyman or magistrate in front of the +happy pair. When he comes forward to perform the ceremony, the bridal +party rises. The first bridesmaid, at the proper time, removes the +glove from the left hand of the bride; or, what seems to us more +proper, both bride and bridegroom have their gloves removed at the +beginning of the ceremony. In joining hands they take each other's +right hand, the bride and groom partially turning toward each other. +The wedding ring, of plain fine gold, provided beforehand by the +groom, is sometimes given to the clergyman, who presents it. It is +placed upon the third finger of the left hand.</p> + +<p>When the ceremony is ended, and the twain are pronounced one flesh, +the company present their congratulations—the clergyman first, then +the mother, the father of the bride, and the relations; then the +company, the groomsmen acting as masters of ceremonies, bringing +forward and introducing the ladies, who wish the happy couple joy, +happiness, prosperity; but not exactly "many happy returns."</p> + +<p>The bridegroom takes an early occasion to thank the clergyman, and to +put in his hand, at the same time, nicely enveloped, a piece of gold, +according to his ability and generosity. The gentleman who dropped two +half dollars into the minister's hands, as they were held out, in the +prayer, was a little confused by the occasion.</p> + +<p>When a dance follows the ceremony and congratulations, the bride +dances, first, with the first groomsman, taking the head of the room +and the quadrille, and the bridegroom with the first bridesmaid; +afterwards as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span> they please. The party breaks up early—certainly by +twelve o'clock.<a name="FNanchor_L_12" id="FNanchor_L_12"></a><a href="#Footnote_L_12" class="fnanchor">[L]</a></p> + +<p>The cards of the newly married couple are sent to those only whose +acquaintance they wish to continue. No offense should be taken by +those whom they may choose to exclude. Send your card, therefore, with +the lady's, to all whom you desire to include in the circle of your +future acquaintances. The lady's card will have engraved upon it, +below her name, "At home, ——evening, at—o'clock." They should be +sent a week previous to the evening indicated.</p> + + +<h3>VI.—FUNERALS.</h3> + +<p>When any member of a family is dead, it is customary to send +intelligence of the misfortune to all who have been connected with the +deceased in relations of business or friendship. The letters which are +sent contain a special invitation to assist at the funeral. Such a +letter requires no answer.</p> + +<p>At an interment or funeral service, the members of the family are +entitled to the first places. They are nearest to the coffin, whether +in the procession or in the church. The nearest relations go in a full +mourning dress.</p> + +<p>We are excused from accompanying the body to the burying-ground, +unless the deceased be a relation or an intimate friend. If we go as +far as the burying-ground, we should give the first carriage to the +relations or most intimate friends of the deceased. We should walk +with the head uncovered, silently, and with such a mien as the +occasion naturally suggests.</p> + + +<div class="footnotes"><p>FOOTNOTES:</p> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_I_9" id="Footnote_I_9"></a><a href="#FNanchor_I_9"><span class="label">[I]</span></a> "Etiquette for Gentlemen."</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_J_10" id="Footnote_J_10"></a><a href="#FNanchor_J_10"><span class="label">[J]</span></a> Madame Celnart</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_K_11" id="Footnote_K_11"></a><a href="#FNanchor_K_11"><span class="label">[K]</span></a> Each one to his taste.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_L_12" id="Footnote_L_12"></a><a href="#FNanchor_L_12"><span class="label">[L]</span></a> "Manners Book."</p></div> +</div> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="VIII" id="VIII"></a>VIII.</h2> + +<h2>THE ETIQUETTE OF PLACES.</h2> + +<div class="poem medium"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i13">To ladies always yield your seat,<br /></span> +<span class="i13">And lift your hat upon the street.—<i>Uncle Dan.</i><br /></span> +</div></div> + + +<h3>I.—ON THE STREET.</h3> + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 84px;"> +<img src="images/imgn.jpg" width="84" height="171" alt="N" title="" /> +</div><p>owhere has a man or a woman occasion more frequently to exercise the +virtue of courtesy than on the street; and in no place is the +distinction between the polite and the vulgar more marked. The +following are some of the rules of street etiquette:</p> + +<p>Except in a case of necessity, you should not stop a business man on +the street during business hours. He may have appointments, and, in +any event, his time is precious. If you must speak with him, walk on +in his direction, or if you detain him, state your errand briefly, and +politely apologize for the detention.</p> + +<p>Do not allow yourself to be so absent-minded or absorbed in your +business as not to recognize and salute your acquaintances on the +street. You must not make the pressure of your affairs an excuse for +rudeness. If you do not intend to stop, on meeting a friend, touch +your hat, say "Good-morning," or "I hope you are well," and pass on. +If you stop, you may offer a gloved hand, if necessary, without +apology. Waiting to draw off a tight glove is awkward. In stopping to +talk on the street, you should step aside from the human current. If +you are compelled to detain a friend,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span> when he is walking with a +stranger, apologize to the stranger and release your friend as soon as +possible. The stranger will withdraw, in order not to hear your +conversation. Never leave a friend suddenly on the street, either to +join another or for any other reason, without a brief apology.</p> + +<p>In walking with gentlemen who are your superiors in age or station, +give them the place of honor, by taking yourself the outer side of the +pavement.</p> + +<p>When you meet a lady with whom you are acquainted, you should lift +your hat, as you bow to her; but unless you are intimate friends, it +is the lady's duty to give some sign of recognition first, as she +might <i>possibly</i> choose to "cut" you, and thus place you in a very +awkward position; but unless you have forfeited all claims to respect, +she certainly <i>should</i> not do such a thing.</p> + +<p>In meeting a gentleman whom you know, walking with a lady with whom +you are not acquainted, you are to bow with grave respect to her +also.<a name="FNanchor_M_13" id="FNanchor_M_13"></a><a href="#Footnote_M_13" class="fnanchor">[M]</a> If you are acquainted with both, you bow first to the lady, +and then, less profoundly, to the gentleman.</p> + +<p>If your glove be dark colored, or your hand ungloved, do not offer to +shake hands with a lady in full dress. If you wish to speak with a +lady whom you meet on the street, turn and walk with her; but you +should not accompany her far, except at her request, and should always +lift your hat and bow upon withdrawing.</p> + +<p>Be careful to avoid intrusion everywhere; and for this reason be very +sure that such an addition to their party would be perfectly agreeable +before you join a lady and gentleman who may be walking together;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span> +otherwise you might find yourself in the position of an "awkward +third."</p> + +<p>In walking with ladies on the street, gentlemen will of course treat +them with the most scrupulous <i>politeness</i>. This requires that you +place yourself in that relative position in which you can best shield +them from danger or inconvenience. You generally give them the wall +side, but circumstances may require you to reverse this position.</p> + +<p>You must offer your arm to a lady with whom you are walking whenever +her safety, comfort, or convenience may seem to require such attention +on your part. At night, in taking a long walk in the country, or in +ascending the steps of a public building, your arm should always be +tendered.</p> + +<p>In walking with ladies or elderly people, a gentleman must not forget +to accommodate his speed to theirs. In walking with <i>any</i> person you +should <i>keep step</i> with military precision.</p> + +<p>If a lady with whom you are walking receives the salute of a person +who is a stranger to you, you should return it, not for yourself, but +for her.</p> + +<p>When a lady whom you accompany wishes to enter a shop, or <i>store</i> (if +we must use an Americanism to explain a good English word), you should +hold the door open and allow her to enter first, if practicable; for +you must never pass before a lady anywhere, if you can avoid it, or +without an apology.</p> + +<p>If a lady addresses an inquiry to a gentleman on the street, he will +lift his hat, or at least touch it respectfully, as he replies. If he +can not give the information required, he will express his regrets.</p> + +<p>"When tripping over the pavement," Madame Celnart says, "a lady should +gracefully raise her dress a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span> little above her ankle. With her right +hand she should hold together the folds of her gown and draw them +toward the right side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both +hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can be tolerated only for a +moment, when the mud is very deep." This was written in Paris, and not +in New York.</p> + +<p>American ladies dress too richly and elaborately for the street. You +should dress well—neatly and in good taste, and in material adapted +to the season; but the full costume, suitable to the carriage or the +drawing-room, is entirely out of place in a shopping excursion, and +does not indicate a refined taste; in other words, it looks +<i>snobbish</i>.</p> + +<p>The out-door costume of ladies is not complete without a shawl or a +mantle. Shawls are difficult to wear gracefully, and few American +ladies wear them well. You should not drag a shawl tight to your +shoulders, and stick out your elbows, but fold it loosely and +gracefully, so that it may fully envelop the figure.</p> + + +<h3>II.—SHOPPING.</h3> + +<p>Madame Celnart has the following hints to the ladies on this important +subject. Having enjoined the most patient and forbearing courtesy on +the part of the shopkeeper,<a name="FNanchor_N_14" id="FNanchor_N_14"></a><a href="#Footnote_N_14" class="fnanchor">[N]</a> she proceeds:</p> + +<p>"Every civility ought to be reciprocal, or nearly so. If the officious +politeness of the shopkeeper does not require an equal return, he has +at least a claim to civil treatment; and, finally, if this politeness +proceed from interest, is this a reason why purchasers should add to +the unpleasantness of his profession, and disregard <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span>violating the +laws of politeness? Many very respectable people allow themselves so +many infractions in this particular, that I think it my duty to dwell +upon it.</p> + +<p>"You should never say, <i>I want such a thing</i>, but <i>Show me, if you +please, that article</i>, or use some other polite form of address. If +they do not show you at first the articles you desire, and you are +obliged to examine a great number, apologize to the shopkeeper for the +trouble you give him. If after all you can not suit yourself, renew +your apologies when you go away.</p> + +<p>"If you make small purchases, say, <i>I am sorry for having troubled you +for so trifling a thing</i>. If you spend a considerable time in the +selection of articles, apologize to the shopkeeper who waits for you +to decide.</p> + +<p>"If the price seems to you too high, and the shop has not fixed +prices, ask an abatement in brief and civil terms, and without ever +appearing to suspect the good faith of the shopkeeper. If he does not +yield, do not enter into a contest with him, but go away, after +telling him politely that you think you can obtain the article cheaper +elsewhere, but if not, that you will give him the preference."</p> + + +<h3>III.—AT CHURCH.</h3> + +<p>If you go to church, be in season, that you may not interrupt the +congregation by entering after the services have commenced. The +celebrated Mrs. Chapone said that it was a part of her religion not to +disturb the religion of others. We may all adopt with profit that +article of her creed. Always remove your hat on entering a church. If +you attend ladies, you open the door of the slip for them, allowing +them to enter first. Your demeanor should of course be such as becomes +the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span> place and occasion. If you are so unfortunate as to have no +religious feelings yourself, you must respect those of others.</p> + +<p>It is the custom in some places for gentlemen who may be already in a +slip or pew to deploy into the aisle, on the arrival of a lady who may +desire admittance, allow her to enter, and then resume their seats. +This is a very awkward and annoying maneuver.</p> + +<p>You should pay due respect to the observances of the church you +attend. If you have conscientious scruples against kneeling in an +Episcopal or Catholic church, you should be a little more +conscientious, and stay away.</p> + +<p>Good manners do not require young gentlemen to stand about the door of +a church to see the ladies come out; and the ladies will excuse the +omission of this mark of admiration.</p> + + +<h3>IV.—AT PLACES OF AMUSEMENT.</h3> + +<p>Gentlemen who attend ladies to the opera, to concerts, to lectures, +etc., should endeavor to go early in order to secure good seats, +unless, indeed, they have been previously secured, and to avoid the +disagreeable crowd which they are liable to encounter if they go a +little later.</p> + +<p>Gentlemen <i>should</i> take off their hats on entering <i>any</i> public room +(or dwelling either). They will, of course, do so if attending ladies, +on showing them their seats. Having taken your seats, remain quietly +in them, and avoid, unless absolute necessity require it, incommoding +others by crowding out and in before them. If obliged to do this, +politely apologize for the trouble you cause them.</p> + +<p>To talk during the performance is an act of rudeness<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span> and injustice. +You thus proclaim your own ill-breeding and invade the rights of +others, who have paid for the privilege of hearing the performers, and +not for listening to you.</p> + +<p>If you are in attendance upon a lady at any opera, concert, or +lecture, you should retain your seat at her side; but if you have no +lady with you, and have taken a desirable seat, you should, if need +be, cheerfully relinquish it in favor of a lady, for one less +eligible.</p> + +<p>Be careful to secure your <i>libretto</i> or opera book, concert bill or +programme, before taking your seat.</p> + +<p>To the opera, ladies should wear opera hoods, which are to be taken +off on entering. In this country, custom <i>permits</i> the wearing of +bonnets; but as they are (in our opinion) neither comfortable nor +beautiful, we advise the ladies to dispense with their use whenever +they can.</p> + +<p>Gloves should be worn by ladies in church, and in places of public +amusement. Do not take them off to shake hands. Great care should be +taken that they are well made and fit neatly.</p> + + +<h3>V.—IN A PICTURE GALLERY.</h3> + +<p>A gallery of paintings or sculpture is a temple of Art, and he is +little better than a barbarian who can enter it without a feeling of +reverence for the presiding divinity of the place. Loud talking, +laughing, pushing before others who are examining a picture or statue, +moving seats noisily, or any rude or discourteous conduct, seems like +profanation in such a place. Avoid them by all means, we entreat you; +and though you wear your hat everywhere else, reverently remove it +here.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span></p> +<h3>VI.—THE PRESENCE.</h3> + +<p>"The mode in which respect to the presence of a human being should be +shown maybe left to custom. In the East, men take off their shoes +before entering an apartment. We take off the hat, and add a verbal +salutation. The mode is unimportant; it may vary with the humor of the +moment; it may change with the changing fashion; but no one who +respects himself, and has a proper regard for others, will omit to +give <i>some</i> sign that he recognizes an essential difference between a +horse and a man, between a stable and a house."<a name="FNanchor_O_15" id="FNanchor_O_15"></a><a href="#Footnote_O_15" class="fnanchor">[O]</a></p> + + +<h3>VII.—­TRAVELING.</h3> + +<p>Under no circumstances is courtesy more urgently demanded, or rudeness +more frequently displayed, than in traveling. The infelicities and +vexations which so often attend a journey seem to call out all the +latent selfishness of one's nature; and the commonest observances of +politeness are, we are sorry to say, sometimes neglected. In the +scramble for tickets, for seats, for state-rooms, or for places at a +public table, good manners are too frequently elbowed aside and +trampled under foot. Even our national deference for women is +occasionally lost sight of in our headlong rush for the railway cars +or the steamer.</p> + +<p>To avoid the scramble we have alluded to, purchase tickets and secure +state-rooms in advance, if practicable, especially if you are +accompanied by ladies, and, in any event, <i>be in good time</i>.</p> + +<p>In the cars or stage-coach never allow considerations of personal +comfort or convenience to cause you to disregard for a moment the +rights of your fellow-travelers,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span> or forget the respectful courtesy +due to woman. The pleasantest or most comfortable seats belong to the +ladies, and no gentleman will refuse to resign such seats to them with +a cheerful politeness. In a stage-coach you give them the back seat, +unless they prefer another and take an outside seat yourself, if their +convenience requires it. But a word to—<i>Americans</i> will be enough on +this point.</p> + +<p>And what do good manners require of the ladies? That which is but a +little thing to the bestower, but of priceless value to the +receiver—<i>thanks</i>—a smile—a grateful look at least. Is this too +much?</p> + +<p>Mr. Arbiter, whom we find quoted in a newspaper, has some rather +severe strictures on the conduct of American ladies. He says:</p> + +<p>"We boast of our politeness as a nation, and point out to foreigners, +with pride, the alacrity with which Americans make way for women in +all public places. Some love to call this chivalry. It is certainly an +amiable trait of character, though frequently carried to an absurd +extent. But what the men possess in this form of politeness the women +appear to have lost. They never think of acknowledging, in any way, +the kindness of the gentleman who gives up his seat, but settle +themselves triumphantly in their new places, as if they were entitled +to them by divine right."</p> + +<p>We are compelled to admit that there is at least an appearance of +truth in this charge. We have had constant opportunities to observe +the behavior of ladies in omnibuses and on board the crowded +ferry-boats which ply between some of our large cities and their +suburbs. We have, of course (as what gentleman has not?), relinquished +our seats hundreds of times to ladies. <i>For the occasional bow or +smile of acknowledgment, or</i><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span> <i>pleasant "Thank you," which we have +received in return, we have almost invariably been indebted to some +fair foreigner.</i></p> + +<p>We believe that American ladies are as polite <i>at heart</i> as those of +any other nation, but <i>they do not say it</i>.</p> + +<p>The fair readers of our little book will, we are sure, excuse us for +these hints, since they are dictated by the truest and most reverent +love for their sex, and a sincere desire to serve them.</p> + +<p>If in traveling you are thrown into the company of an invalid, or an +aged person, or a woman with children and without a male protector, +feelings of humanity, as well as sentiments of politeness, will +dictate such kind attentions as, without being obtrusive, you can find +occasion to bestow.</p> + +<p>You have no right to keep a window open for your accommodation, if the +current of air thus produced annoy or endanger the health of another. +There are a sufficient number of discomforts in traveling, at best, +and it should be the aim of each passenger to lessen them as much as +possible, and to cheerfully bear his own part. Life is a journey, and +we are all fellow-travelers.</p> + +<p>If in riding in an omnibus, or crossing a ferry with a friend, he +wishes to pay for you, never insist on paying for yourself or for +both. If he is before you, let the matter pass without remark, and +return the compliment on another occasion.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><p>FOOTNOTES:</p> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_M_13" id="Footnote_M_13"></a><a href="#FNanchor_M_13"><span class="label">[M]</span></a> "Colonel Lunettes"</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_N_14" id="Footnote_N_14"></a><a href="#FNanchor_N_14"><span class="label">[N]</span></a> For hints on the importance of politeness as an element +of success in business, see "How to Do Business."</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_O_15" id="Footnote_O_15"></a><a href="#FNanchor_O_15"><span class="label">[O]</span></a> James Parton.</p></div> +</div> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="IX" id="IX"></a>IX.</h2> + +<h2>LOVE AND COURTSHIP.</h2> + +<div class="poem medium"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i14">Learn to win a lady's faith<br /></span> +<span class="i15">Nobly, as the thing is high;<br /></span> +<span class="i14">Bravely, as for life and death,<br /></span> +<span class="i15">With a loyal gravity.<br /></span> +<span class="i14">Lead her from the festive boards;<br /></span> +<span class="i15">Point her to the starry skies;<br /></span> +<span class="i14">Guard her by your truthful words<br /></span> +<span class="i15">Pure from courtship's flatteries.—<i>Mrs. Browning.</i><br /></span> +</div></div> + + +<h3>I.—A HINT OR TWO.</h3> + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 75px;"> +<img src="images/imgt.jpg" width="75" height="168" alt="T" title="" /> +</div><p>o treat the subject of love and courtship in all its bearings would +require a volume. It is with the etiquette of the tender passion that +we have to do here. A few preliminary hints, however, will not be +deemed out of place.</p> + +<p>Boys often fall in love (and girls too, we believe) at a very tender +age. Some charming cousin, or a classmate of his sister, in the +village school, weaves silken meshes around the throbbing heart of the +young man in his teens. This is well. He is made better and happier by +his boyish loves—for he generally has a succession of them, but they +are seldom permanent. They are only beautiful foreshadowings of the +deeper and more earnest love of manhood, which is to bind him to his +<i>other self</i> with ties which only death can sever. Read Ik Marvel's +"Dream Life."</p> + +<p>Before a young man has reached the proper age to marry—say +twenty-five, as an average—he ought to have acquired such a knowledge +of himself, physically and mentally considered, and of the principles +which ought to decide the choice of matrimonial partners and govern +the relations of the sexes, as will enable him to set up<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span> a proper +standard of female excellence, and to determine what qualities, +physical and mental, should characterize the woman who is to be the +angel of his home and the mother of his children. With this knowledge +he is prepared to go into society and choose his mate, following +trustingly the attractions of his soul. Love is an affair of the +heart, but the head should be its privy counselor.</p> + +<p>Do not make up your mind to wait till you have acquired a fortune +before you marry. You should not, however, assume the responsibilities +of a family without a reasonable prospect of being able to maintain +one. If you are established in business, or have an adequate income +for the immediate requirements of the new relation, you may safely +trust your own energy and self-reliance for the rest.</p> + +<p>Women reach maturity earlier than men, and may marry earlier—say (as +an average age), at twenty. The injunction, "Know thyself," applies +with as much emphasis to a woman as to a man. Her perceptions are +keener than ours, and her sensibilities finer, and she may trust more +to <i>instinct</i>, but she should add to these natural qualifications a +thorough knowledge of her own physical and mental constitution, and of +whatever relates to the requirements of her destiny as wife and +mother. The importance of sound <i>health</i> and <i>a perfect development</i>, +can not be overrated. <i>Without these you are</i> <span class="smcap">NEVER</span> <i>fit to marry</i>.<a name="FNanchor_P_16" id="FNanchor_P_16"></a><a href="#Footnote_P_16" class="fnanchor">[P]</a></p> + +<p>Having satisfied yourself that you really love a woman—be careful, as +you value your future happiness and hers, not to make a <i>mistake</i> in +this matter—you will find occasion to manifest, in a thousand ways, +your <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span>preference, by means of those tender but delicate and +deferential attentions which love always prompts. "Let the heart +speak." The heart you address will understand its language. Be +earnest, sincere, self-loyal, and manly in this matter above all +others. Let there be no nauseous flattery and no sickly sentimentality +Leave the former to fops and the latter to beardless school-boys.</p> + +<p>Though women do not "propose"—that is, as a general rule—they "make +love" to the men none the less; and it is right. The divine attraction +is mutual, and should have its proper expression on both sides. If you +are attracted toward a man who seems to you an embodiment of all that +is noble and manly, you do injustice both to him and yourself if you +do not, in some way entirely consistent with maiden modesty, allow him +to <i>see</i> and <i>feel</i> that he pleases you. But <i>you</i> do not need our +instructions, and we will only hint, in conclusion, that forwardness, +flirting, and a too <i>obtrusive</i> manifestation of preference are <i>not</i> +agreeable to men of sense. As a man should be <i>manly</i>, so should a +woman be <i>womanly</i> in her love.</p> + + +<h3>II.—OBSERVANCES.</h3> + +<h4><br />1. <i>Particular Attentions.</i></h4> + +<p>Avoid even the slightest appearance of <i>trifling</i> with the feelings of +a woman. A female coquette is bad enough. A male coquette ought to be +banished from society. Let there be a clearly perceived, if not an +easily defined, distinction between the attentions of common courtesy +or of friendship and those of love. All misunderstanding on this point +can and must be avoided.</p> + +<p>The particular attentions you pay to the object of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span> your devotion +should not make you rude or uncivil to other women. Every woman is +<i>her</i> sister, and should be treated with becoming respect and +attention. Your special attentions to her in society should not be +such as to make her or you the subject of ridicule. Make no public +exhibition of your endearments.</p> + + +<h4>2. <i>Presents.</i></h4> + +<p>If you make presents, let them be selected with good taste, and of +such cost as is fully warranted by your means. Your mistress will not +love you better for any extravagance in this matter. The value of a +gift is not to be estimated in dollars and cents. A lady of good sense +and delicacy will discourage in her lover all needless expenditure in +ministering to her gratification, or in proof of his devotion.</p> + + +<h4>3. <i>Confidants.</i></h4> + +<p>Lovers usually feel a certain need of confidants in their affairs of +the heart. In general, they should be of the opposite sex. A young man +may with profit open his heart to his mother, an elder sister, or a +female friend considerably older than himself. The young lady may with +equal advantage make a brother, an uncle, or some good middle-aged +married man the repository of her love secrets, her hopes, and her +fears.</p> + +<h4>4. <i>Declarations.</i></h4> + +<p>We shall make no attempt to prescribe a form for "popping the +question." Each must do it in his own way; but let it be clearly +understood and admit no evasion. A single word—yes, less than that, +on the lady's part, will suffice to answer it. If the carefully +studied phrases which you have repeated so many times and so fluently +to yourself, will persist in sticking in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span> your throat and choking you, +put them correctly and neatly on a sheet of the finest white note +paper, inclosed in a fine but plain white envelope (see "How to +Write"), seal it handsomely with <i>wax</i>, address and direct it +carefully, and find some way to convey it to her hand. The lady's +answer should be frank and unequivocal, revealing briefly and modestly +her real feelings and consequent decision.</p> + + +<h4>5. <i>Asking "Pa."</i></h4> + +<p>Asking the consent of parents or guardians is, in this country, where +women claim a right to choose for themselves, a mere form, and may +often be dispensed with. The lady's wishes, however, should be +complied with in this as in all other matters. And if consent is +refused? This will rarely happen. If it does, there is a remedy, and +we should have a poor opinion of the love or the spirit of the woman +who would hesitate to apply it. If she is of age, she has a legal as +well as a moral right to bestow her love and her hand upon whom she +pleases. If she does not love you well enough to do this, <i>at any +sacrifice</i>, you should consider the refusal of her friends a very +fortunate occurrence. If she is not of age, the legal aspect of the +affair may be different, but, at worst, she can wait until her +majority puts her in possession of all her rights.</p> + + +<h4>6. <i>Refusals.</i></h4> + +<p>If a lady finds it necessary to say "no" to a proposal, she should do +it in the kindest and most considerate manner, so as not to inflict +unnecessary pain; but her answer should be definite and decisive, and +the gentleman should at once withdraw his suit. If ladies will my "no" +when they mean "yes," to a sincere and earnest suitor, they must +suffer the consequences.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span></p> +<h4>7. <i>Engagement.</i></h4> + +<p>The "engaged" need not take particular pains to proclaim the nature of +the relation in which they stand to each other, neither should they +attempt or desire to conceal it. Their intercourse with each other +should be frank and confiding, but prudent, and their conduct in +reference to other persons of the opposite sex, such as will not give +occasion for a single pang of jealousy.</p> + +<p>Of the "getting ready," which follows the engagement, on the part of +the lady, our fair readers know a great deal more than we could tell +them.</p> + + +<h4>8. <i>Breaking Off.</i></h4> + +<p>Engagements made in accordance with the simple and brief directions +contained in the first section of this chapter, will seldom be broken +off. If such a painful <i>necessity</i> occurs, let it be met with +firmness, but with delicacy. If you have made a <i>mistake</i>, it is +infinitely better to correct it at the last moment than not at all. A +<i>marriage</i> is not so easily "broken off."</p> + +<p>On breaking off an engagement, all letters, presents, etc., should be +returned, and both parties should consider themselves pledged to the +most honorable and delicate conduct in reference to the whole matter, +and to the private affairs of each other, a knowledge of which their +former relation may have put into their possession.</p> + + +<h4>9. <i>Marriage.</i></h4> + +<p>It devolves upon the lady to fix the day. She will hardly disregard +the stereotyped request of the impatient lover to make it an "early" +one; but she knows best how soon the never-to-be-neglected +"preparations" can be made. For the wedding ceremonies see <a href="#VII">Chapter +VII</a>. A few hints to husbands and wives may be found in <a href="#V">Chapter V</a>.</p> + + +<div class="footnotes"><p>FOOTNOTE:</p> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_P_16" id="Footnote_P_16"></a><a href="#FNanchor_P_16"><span class="label">[P]</span></a> See "Physical Perfection; or How to Acquire and Retain +Beauty, Grace, and Strength," now (1857) in the course of +preparation.</p></div> +</div> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="X" id="X"></a>X.</h2> + +<h2>PARLIAMENTARY ETIQUETTE.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot medium"><p>The object of a meeting for deliberation is, of course, to +obtain a free expression of opinion and a fair decision of the +questions discussed. Without rules of order this object would, +in most cases, be utterly defeated; for there would be no +uniformity in the modes of proceeding, no restraint upon +indecorous or disorderly conduct, no protection to the rights +and privileges of members, no guarantee against the caprices +and usurpations of the presiding officer, no safeguard against +tyrannical majorities, nor any suitable regard to the rights of +the minority.—<i>McElligott.</i></p></div> + + +<h3>I.—COURTESY IN DEBATE.</h3> + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 75px;"> +<img src="images/imgt.jpg" width="75" height="168" alt="T" title="" /> +</div><p>he fundamental principles of courtesy, so strenuously insisted upon +throughout this work, must be rigorously observed in the debating +society, lyceum, legislative assembly, and wherever questions are +publicly debated. In fact, we have not yet discovered <i>any</i> occasion +on which a gentleman is justified in being anything less than—a +gentleman.</p> + +<p>In a paragraph appended to the constitution and by-laws of a New York +debating club, members are enjoined to treat each other with delicacy +and respect, conduct all discussions with candor, moderation, and open +generosity, avoid all personal allusions and sarcastic language +calculated to wound the feelings of a brother, and cherish concord and +good fellowship. The spirit of this injunction should pervade the +heart of every man who attempts to take part in the proceedings of any +deliberative assembly.</p> + + +<h3>II.—ORIGIN OF THE PARLIAMENTARY CODE.</h3> + +<p>The rules of order of our State Legislatures, and of other less +important deliberative bodies, are, in almost all fundamental points, +the same as those of the National<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span> Congress, which, again, are +derived, in the main, from those of the British Parliament, the +differences which exist growing out of differences in government and +institutions. It is in allusion to its origin that the code of rules +and regulations thus generally adopted is often called "The Common +Code of Parliamentary Law."</p> + + +<h3>III.—RULES OF ORDER.</h3> + +<h4><br />1. <i>Motions.</i></h4> + +<p>A deliberative body being duly organized, motions are in order. The +party moving a resolution, or making a motion in its simplest form, +introduces it either with or without remarks, by saying: "Mr. +President, I beg leave to offer the following resolution," or "I move +that," etc. A motion is not debatable till seconded. The member +seconding simply says: "I second that motion." The resolution or +motion is then stated by the chairman, and is open for debate.</p> + + +<h4>2. <i>Speaking.</i></h4> + +<p>A member wishing to speak on a question, resolution, or motion, must +rise in his place and respectfully address his remarks to the chairman +or president, <i>confining himself to the question, and avoiding +personality</i>. Should more than one member rise at the same time, the +chairman must decide which is entitled to the floor. No member must +speak more than once till every member wishing to speak shall have +spoken. In debating societies (and it is for their benefit that we +make this abstract) it is necessary to define not only how many times, +but how long at each time a member may speak on a question.</p> + + +<h4>3. <i>Submitting a Question.</i></h4> + +<p>When the debate or deliberation upon a subject <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span>appears to be at a +close, the presiding officer simply asks, "Is the society [assembly, +or whatever the body may be] ready for the question?" or, "Are you +ready for the question?" If no one signifies a desire further to +discuss or consider the subject, he then submits the question in due +form.</p> + + +<h4>4. <i>Voting.</i></h4> + +<p>The voting is generally by "ayes and noes," and the answers on both +sides being duly given, the presiding officer announces the result, +saying, "The ayes have it," or, "The noes have it," according as he +finds one side or the other in the majority. If there is a doubt in +his mind which side has the larger number, he says, "The ayes <i>appear</i> +to have it," or, "The noes <i>appear</i> to have it," as the case may be. +If there is no dissent, he adds, "The ayes <i>have</i> it," or, "The noes +<i>have</i> it." But should the president be unable to decide, or if his +decision be questioned, and a division of the house be called for, it +is his duty immediately to divide or arrange the assembly as to allow +the votes on each side to be accurately counted; and if the members +are equally divided, the president must give the casting vote. It is +the duty of every member to vote; but in some deliberative bodies a +member may be excused at his own request. Sometimes it is deemed +advisable to record the names of members in connection with the votes +they give, in which case the roll is called by the secretary, and each +answers "yes" or "no," which is noted or marked opposite his name.</p> + + +<h4>5. <i>A Quorum.</i></h4> + +<p>A quorum is such a number of members as may be required, by rule or +statute, to be present at a meeting in order to render its +transactions valid or legal.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span></p> +<h4>6. <i>The Democratic Principle.</i></h4> + +<p>All questions, unless their decision be otherwise fixed by law, are +determined by a majority of votes.</p> + + +<h4>7. <i>Privileged Questions.</i></h4> + +<p>There are certain motions which are allowed to supersede a question +already under debate. These are called privileged questions. The +following are the usually recognized privileged questions:</p> + +<p>1. <i>Adjournment.</i>—A motion to adjourn is always in order, and takes +precedence of all others; but it must not be entertained while a +member is speaking, unless he give way for that purpose, nor while a +vote is in progress. It is not debatable, and can not be amended.</p> + +<p>2. <i>To Lie on the Table.</i>—A motion to lay a subject on the +table—that is, to set it aside till it is the pleasure of the body to +resume its consideration—generally takes precedence of all others, +except the motion to adjourn. It can neither be debated nor amended.</p> + +<p>3. <i>The Previous Question.</i>—The intention of the previous question is +to arrest discussion and test at once the sense of the meeting. Its +form is, "Shall the main question now be put?" It is not debatable, +and can not be amended. An affirmative decision precludes all further +debate on the main question. The effect of a negative decision, +<i>unless otherwise determined by a special rule</i>, is to leave the main +question and all amendments just as it found them.</p> + +<p>4. <i>Postponement.</i>—A motion to postpone the consideration of a +question indefinitely, which is equivalent to setting it aside +altogether, may be amended by inserting a certain day. It is not +debatable.</p> + +<p>5. <i>Commitment.</i>—A motion to commit is made when a question, +otherwise admissible, is presented in an<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span> objectionable or +inconvenient form. If there be no standing committee to which it can +be properly submitted, a select committee may be raised for the +purpose. It may be amended.</p> + +<p>6. <i>Amendment.</i>—The legitimate use of a motion to amend is to correct +or improve the original motion or resolution; but a motion properly +before an assembly may be altered in <i>any</i> way; even so as to turn it +entirely from its original purpose, unless some rule or law shall +exist to prevent this subversion. An amendment may be amended, but +here the process must cease. An amendment must of course be put to +vote before the original question. A motion to amend holds the same +rank as the previous question and indefinite postponement, and that +which is moved first must be put first. It may be superseded, however, +by a motion to postpone to a certain day, or a motion to commit.</p> + +<p>7. <i>Orders of the Day.</i>—Subjects appointed for a specified time are +called orders of the day, and a motion for them takes precedence of +all other business, except a motion to adjourn, or a question of +privilege.</p> + +<p>8. <i>Questions of Privilege.</i>—These are questions which involve the +rights and privileges of individual members, or of the society or +assembly collectively. They take precedence over all other +propositions, except a motion to adjourn.</p> + +<p>9. <i>Questions of Order.</i>—In case of any breach of the rules of the +society or body, any member may rise to the point of order, and insist +upon its due enforcement; but in case of a difference of opinion +whether a rule has been violated or not, the question must be +determined before the application of the rule can be insisted upon. +Such a question is usually decided upon by the presiding officer, +without debate; but any member may<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span> appeal from his decision, and +demand a vote of the house on the matter. A question of order is +debatable, and the presiding officer, contrary to rule in other cases, +may participate in the discussion.</p> + +<p>10. <i>Reading of Papers.</i>—When papers or documents of any kind are +laid before a deliberative assembly, every member has a right to have +them read before he can be required to vote upon them. They are +generally read by the secretary, on the reading being called for, +without the formality of a vote.</p> + +<p>11. <i>Withdrawal of a Motion.</i>—Unless there be a rule to that effect, +a motion once before the assembly can not be withdrawn without a vote +of the house, on a motion to allow its withdrawal.</p> + +<p>12. <i>The Suspension of Rules.</i>—When anything is proposed which is +forbidden by a special rule, it must be preceded by a motion for the +suspension of the rule, which, if there be no standing rule to the +contrary, may be carried by a majority of votes; but most deliberative +bodies have an established rule on this subject, requiring a fixed +proportion of the votes—usually two thirds.</p> + +<p>13. <i>The Motion to Reconsider.</i>—The intention of this is to enable an +assembly to revise a decision found to be erroneous. The time within +which a motion to reconsider may be entertained is generally fixed by +a special rule; and the general rule is, that it must emanate from +some member who voted with the majority. In Congress, a motion to +reconsider takes precedence of all other motions, except the motion to +adjourn.</p> + + +<h4>8. <i>Order of Business.</i></h4> + +<p>In all permanently organized bodies there should be an order of +business, established by a special rule or by-law; but where no such +rule or law exists, the president, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span>unless otherwise directed by a +vote of the assembly, arranges the business in such order as he may +think most desirable. The following is the order of business of the +New York Debating Club, referred to in a previous section. It may be +easily so modified as to be suitable for any similar society:</p> + +<div style="margin-left: 7%;"> +<ol style="list-style-type: decimal"> +<li>Call to order.</li> +<li>Calling the roll.</li> +<li>Reading the minutes of previous meeting.</li> +<li>Propositions for membership.</li> +<li>Reports of special committee.</li> +<li>Balloting for candidates.</li> +<li>Reports of standing committee.</li> +<li>Secretary's report.</li> +<li>Treasurer's report.</li> +<li>Reading for the evening.</li> +<li>Recitations for the evening.</li> +<li>Candidates initiated.</li> +<li>Unfinished business.</li> +<li>Debate.</li> +<li>New business.</li> +<li>Adjournment.</li> +</ol> +</div> + + +<h4>9. <i>Order of Debate.</i></h4> + +<p>1. A member having got the floor, is entitled to be heard to the end, +or till the time fixed by rule has expired; and all interruptions, +except a call to order, are not only out of order, but rude in the +extreme.</p> + +<p>2. A member who temporarily yields the floor to another, is generally +permitted to resume as soon as the interruption ceases, but he can not +claim to do so as a right.</p> + +<p>3. It is neither in order nor in good taste to designate members by +name in debate, and they must in no case<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span> be directly addressed. Such +forms as, "The gentleman who has just taken his seat," or, "The member +on the other side of the house," etc., may be made use of to designate +persons.</p> + +<p>4. Every speaker is bound to confine himself to the question. This +rule is, however, very liberally interpreted in most deliberative +assemblies.</p> + +<p>5. Every speaker is bound to avoid personalities, and to exercise in +all respects a courteous and gentlemanly deportment. Principles and +measures are to be discussed, and not the motives or character of +those who advocate them.<a name="FNanchor_Q_17" id="FNanchor_Q_17"></a><a href="#Footnote_Q_17" class="fnanchor">[Q]</a></p> + +<div class="footnotes"><p>FOOTNOTE:</p> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_Q_17" id="Footnote_Q_17"></a><a href="#FNanchor_Q_17"><span class="label">[Q]</span></a> The foregoing rules of order have been mainly condensed +from that excellent work, "The American Debater," by James N. +McElligott, LL.D., to which the reader is referred for a complete +exposition of the whole subject of debating. Published by Ivison and +Phinney, New York, and for sale by Fowler and Wells.</p></div> +</div> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="XI" id="XI"></a>XI.</h2> + +<h2>MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot medium"><p>These, some will say, are little things. It is true, they are +little but it is equally clear that they are necessary +things.—<i>Chesterfield.</i></p></div> + + +<h3>I.—REPUBLICAN DISTINCTIONS.</h3> + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 87px;"> +<img src="images/imgw.jpg" width="87" height="178" alt="W" title="" /> +</div><p>e have defined equality in another place. We fully accept the +doctrine as there set forth. We have no respect for mere conventional +and arbitrary distinctions. Hereditary titles command no deference +from us. Lords and dukes are entitled to no respect simply because +they are lords and dukes. If they are really <i>noble men</i>, we honor +them accordingly. Their titles are mere social fictions.</p> + +<p>True republicanism requires that every man shall have an equal +chance—that every man shall be free to become as unequal as he can. +No man should be valued the less or the more on account of his +grandfather, his position, his possessions, or his occupation. The <span class="smcap">MAN</span> +should be superior to the accidents of his birth, and should take that +rank which is due to his merit.<a name="FNanchor_R_18" id="FNanchor_R_18"></a><a href="#Footnote_R_18" class="fnanchor">[R]</a></p> + +<p>The error committed by our professedly republican communities +consists, not in the recognition of classes and grades of rank, but in +placing them, as they too often do, on artificial and not on natural +grounds. We have had frequent occasion, in the preceding pages, to +speak of superiors and inferiors. We fully recognize <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span>the relation +which these words indicate. It is useless to quarrel with Nature, who +has nowhere in the universe given us an example of the absolute, +unqualified, dead-level equality which some pseudo-reformers have +vainly endeavored to institute among men. Such leveling is neither +possible nor desirable. Harmony is born of difference, and not of +sameness.</p> + +<p>We have in our country a class of toad-eaters who delight in paying +the most obsequious homage to fictitious rank of every kind. A vulgar +millionaire of the Fifth Avenue, and a foreign adventurer with a +meaningless title, are equally objects of their misplaced deference. +Losing sight of their own manhood and self-respect, they descend to +the most degrading sycophancy. We have little hope of benefiting them. +They are "joined to their idols; let them alone."</p> + +<p>But a much larger class of our people are inclined to go to the +opposite extreme, and ignore veneration, in its human aspect, +altogether. They have no reverence for anybody or anything. This class +of people will read our book, and, we trust, profit by its well-meant +hints. We respect them, though we can not always commend their +manners. They have independence and manliness, but fail to accord due +respect to the manhood of others. It is for their special benefit that +we leave touched with considerable emphasis on the deference due to +age and <i>genuine</i> rank, from whatever source derived.</p> + +<p>Your townsman, Mr. Dollarmark, has no claim on you for any special +token of respect, simply because he inherited half a million, which +has grown in his hands to a million and a half, while you can not +count half a thousand, or because he lives in his own palatial +mansion, and you in a hired cottage; but your neighbor,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span> Mr. Anvil, +who, setting out in life, like yourself, without a penny, has amassed +a little fortune by his own unaided exertions, and secured a high +social position by his manliness, integrity, and good breeding, is +entitled to a certain deference on your part—a recognition of his +merits and his superiority. Mr. Savant, who has gained distinction for +himself and conferred honor on his country by his scientific +discoveries, and your aged friend Mr. Goodman, who, though a stranger +to both wealth and fame, is drawing toward the close of a long and +useful life, during which he has helped to build up and give character +to the place in which he lives, have, each in his own way, <i>earned</i> +the right to some token of deference from those who have not yet +reached an equally elevated position.</p> + +<p>It is not for birth, or wealth, or occupation, or any other accidental +circumstance, that we ask reverence, but for <i>inherent nobility +wrought out in life</i>. This is what should give men rank and titles in +a republic.</p> + +<p>Your hired man, Patrick, may be your inferior, but it is not because +he is your hired man. Another man, who is your <i>superior</i> in every +way, may stand in the same business relation to you. He may sell you +certain stipulated services for a stipulated amount of money; but you +bargain for no deference that your real social position and character +do not call for from him. He, and not you, may be entitled to the +"wall side," and to precedence everywhere.</p> + + +<h3>II.—CITY AND COUNTRY.</h3> + +<p>The words <i>civil</i> and <i>civilized</i> are derived from the Latin <i>civitas</i> +(Ital., <i>città</i>), a city, and <i>polite</i>, from the Greek <i>πολις</i> +(<i>polis</i>), a city; because cities are the first to become civilized, +or <i>civil</i>, and polite, or <i>polished</i><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span> (Latin, <i>polire</i>). They are +still, as a general rule, the home of the most highly cultivated +people, as well as of the rudest and most degraded, and unquestioned +arbiters of fashion and social observances. For this reason the rules +of etiquette laid down in this and all other works on the subject of +manners, are calculated, as the astronomers say, for the meridian of +the city. The observances of the country are borrowed from the city, +and modified to suit the social condition and wants of the different +localities. This must always be borne in mind, and your behavior +regulated accordingly. The white or pale yellow gloves, which you must +wear during the whole evening at a fashionable evening party in the +city, under pain of being set down as unbearably vulgar, would be very +absurd appendages at a social gathering at a farm-house in the +country. None but a <i>snob</i> would wear them at such a place. So with +other things.</p> + + +<h3>III.—IMPORTED MANNERS.</h3> + +<p>N. P. Willis says, "We should be glad to see a distinctly American +school of good manners, in which all useless etiquette were thrown +aside, but every politeness adopted or invented which could promote +sensible and easy exchanges of good-will and sociability. Good sense +and consideration for others should be the basis of every usage of +polite life that is worth regarding. Indeed, we have long thought that +our country was old enough to adopt measures and etiquettes of its +own, based, like all other politeness, upon benevolence and common +sense. To get rid of imported etiquette is the first thing to do for +American politeness."</p> + +<p>This is an important truth well stated. We have had enough of mere +imported conventionalism in manners. Our usages should not be English +or French usages,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span> further than English and French usages are founded +on universal principles. Politeness is the same everywhere and always, +but the forms of etiquette must change with times and places; for an +observance which may be proper and useful in London or Paris, may be +abundantly absurd in New York.</p> + + +<h3>IV.—FICTITIOUS TITLES.</h3> + +<p>In answer to a correspondent who inquires whether an American citizen +should address a European nobleman by his title, <i>Life Illustrated</i> +says:</p> + +<p>"We answer, unhesitatingly, No. Most of the European titles are purely +fictitious, as well as ridiculous. The Duke of Northumberland, for +example, has nothing in particular to do with Northumberland, nor does +he exercise dukeship (or leadership) over anything except his private +estate. The title is a perfect absurdity; it means nothing whatever; +it is a mere nickname; and Mr. Percy is a fool for permitting himself +to be addressed as 'My Lord Duke,' and 'Your Grace.' Indeed, even in +England, gentlemen use those titles very sparingly, and servants alone +habitually employ then. American citizens who are thrown, in their +travels, or in their intercourse with society, into communication with +persons bearing titles, may treat them with all due respect without +Gracing or My-Lording them. In our opinion, they should do so. And we +have faith enough in the good sense of the English people to believe +that the next generation, or the next but one, will see a general +abandonment of fictitious titles by the voluntary action of the very +people who hold them. At the same time, we are inclined to think that +the bestowment of real titles—titles which mean something, titles +given in recognition of distinguished worth and eminent services,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span> +titles not hereditary—will be one of the most cherished prerogatives +of the enlightened states of the good time coming. The first step, +however, must be the total abolition of all titles which are +fictitious and hereditary."</p> + + +<h3>V.—A MIRROR FOR CERTAIN MEN.</h3> + +<p>The following rather broad hints to certain bipeds who <i>ought</i> to be +gentlemen, were clipped from some newspaper. We are sorry we do not +know to whom to credit the article:</p> + +<p>"Who can tell why women are expected, on pain of censure and +avoidance, to conform to a high standard of behavior, while men are +indulged in another a great deal lower? We never could fully +understand why men should be tolerated in the chewing of tobacco, in +smoking and in spitting everywhere almost, and at all times, whereas a +woman can not do any of these things without exciting aversion and +disgust. Why ought a man to be allowedly so self-indulgent, putting +his limbs and person in all manner of attitudes, however uncouth and +distasteful, merely because such vulgarities yield him temporary +eases, while a woman is always required to preserve an attitude, if +not of positive grace, at least of decency and propriety, from which +if she departs, though but for an instant, she forfeits respect, and +is instantly branded as a low creature!</p> + +<p>"Can any one say why a man when he has the tooth-ache, or is called to +suffer in any other way, should be permitted, as a matter of course, +to groan and bellow, and vent his feelings very much in the style of +an animal not endowed with reason, while a woman similarly suffering +must bear it in silence and decorum? Why, should men, as a class, +habitually, and as a matter of right, boldly wear the coarsest +qualities of human <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span>nature on the outside, and swear and fight, and +beastify themselves, so that they are obliged to be put into separate +pens in the cars on railroads, and at the dépôts, while woman must +appear with an agreeable countenance, if not in smiles, even when the +head, or perhaps the heart, aches, and are expected to permit nothing +ill-tempered, disagreeable, or even unhappy to appear outwardly, but +to keep all these concealed in their own bosoms to suffer as they may, +lest they might otherwise lessen the cheerfulness of others?</p> + +<p>"These are a few suggestions only among many we would hint to the +stronger and more exciting sex to be reflected on for the improvement +of their tastes and manners. In the mirror thus held up before them, +they can not avoid observing the very different standards by which the +behavior of the two sexes is constantly regulated. If any reason can +be assigned why one should always be a lady, and the other hardly ever +a gentleman, we hope it will be done."</p> + + +<h3>VI.—WASHINGTON'S CODE OF MANNERS.</h3> + +<p>Every action ought to be with some sign of respect to those present. +Be no flatterer; neither play with any one who delights not to be +played with. Read no paper or book in company. Come not near the +papers or books of another when he is writing. Let your countenance be +cheerful; but in serious matters be grave. Let your discourse with +others, on matters of business, be short. It is good manners to let +others speak first. When a man does all he can, do not blame him, +though he succeeds not well. Take admonitions thankfully. Be not too +hasty to receive lying reports to the injury of another. Let your +dress be modest, and consult your condition. <i>Play not the peacock by</i> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span> +<i>looking vainly at yourself.</i> It is better to be alone than in bad +company. Let your conversation be without malice or envy. Urge not +your friend to discover a secret. Break not a jest where none take +pleasure in mirth. Gaze not on the blemishes of others. When another +speaks, be attentive.</p> + + +<h3>VII.—MARKED PASSAGES.</h3> + +<p>On turning over the leaves of the various works on etiquette which we +have had occasion to consult in the preparation of this little manual, +we have marked with our pencil a large number of passages which seemed +to us to embody important facts or thoughts, with the hope of being +able to weave them into our work, each in its appropriate place. Some +of them we have made use of according to our original intention; a few +others not elsewhere used, we purpose to throw together here without +any attempt at classification.</p> + + +<h4>1. <i>Our Social Uniform.</i></h4> + +<p>The universal partiality of our countrymen for <i>black</i>, as the color +of dress clothes, at least, is frequently remarked upon by foreigners. +Among the best dressed men on the Continent, as well as in England, +black, through not confined to the clergy, is in much less general use +than here. They adopt the darker shades of blue, brown, and green, and +for undress almost as great diversity of colors as of fabrics.</p> + + +<h4>2. <i>A Hint to the Ladies.</i></h4> + +<p>Don't make your rooms gloomy. Furnish them for light and let them have +it. Daylight is very cheap, and candle or gas light you need not use +often. If your rooms are dark, all the effect of furniture, pictures, +walls, and carpets is lost. Finally, if you have beautiful<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span> things, +make them useful. The fashion of having a nice parlor, and then +shutting it up all but three or four days in the year, when you have +company; spending your own life in a mean room, shabbily furnished, or +an unhealthy basement, to save your things, is the meanest possible +economy. Go a little further—shut up your house, and live in a +pig-pen! The use of nice and beautiful things is to act upon your +spirit—to educate you and make you beautiful.</p> + + +<h4>3. <i>Another.</i></h4> + +<p>Don't put your cards around the looking-glass, unless in your private +boudoir. If you wish to display them, keep them in a suitable basket +or vase on the mantle or center-table.</p> + + +<h4>4. <i>An Obliging Disposition.</i></h4> + +<p>Polite persons are necessarily obliging. A smile is always on their +lips, an earnestness in their countenance, when we ask a favor of +them. They know that to render a service with a bad grace, is in +reality not to render it at all. If they are obliged to refuse a +favor, they do it with mildness and delicacy; they express such +feeling regret that they still inspire us with gratitude; in short, +their conduct appears so perfectly natural that it really seems that +the opportunity which is offered them of obliging us, is obliging +themselves; and they refuse all our thanks, without affectation or +effort.</p> + + +<h4>5. <i>Securing a Home.</i></h4> + +<p>Let me, as a somewhat scrutinizing observer of the varying phases of +social life, in our own country especially, enter my earnest protest +against the practice so commonly adopted by newly-married persons, of +<i>boarding</i>,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span> in place of at once establishing for themselves the +distinctive and ennobling prerogatives of <span class="smcap">HOME</span>. Language and time +would alike fail me in an endeavor to set forth the manifold evils +inevitably growing out of this fashionable system. Take the advice of +an old man, who has tested theories by prolonged experience, and at +once establish your <span class="smcap">Penates</span> within four walls, and under a roof that +will, at times, exclude all who are not properly denizens of your +household, upon assuming the rights and obligations of married life. +Do not be deterred from this step by the conviction that you can not +shrine your home deities upon pedestals of marble. <i>Cover their bases +with flowers</i>—God's free gift to all—and the plainest support will +suffice for them if it be but <i>firm</i>.</p> + + +<h4>6. <i>Taste vs. Fashion.</i></h4> + +<p>A lady should never, on account of economy, wear either what she deems +an ugly or an ungraceful garment; such garments never put her at her +ease, and are neglected and cast aside long before they have done her +their true service. We are careful only of those things which suit us, +and which we believe adorn us, and the mere fact of believing that we +look well, goes a great way toward making us do so. Fashion should be +sacrificed to taste, or, at best, followed at a distance; it does not +do to be <i>entirely out</i>, nor <i>completely in</i>, what is called +"fashion," many things being embraced under that term which are +frivolous, unmeaning, and sometimes meretricious.</p> + + +<h4>7. <i>Special Claims.</i></h4> + +<p>There are persons to whom a lady or gentleman should be especially +polite. All elderly persons, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span> unattractive, the poor, and those +whose dependent positions may cause them to fear neglect. The +gentleman who offers his arm or gives his time to an old lady, or asks +a very plain one to dance, or attends one who is poorly dressed, never +looses in others' estimation or his own.</p> + + +<h4>8. <i>Propriety of Deportment.</i></h4> + +<p>Propriety of deportment is the valuable result of a knowledge of one's +self, and of respect for the rights of others; it is a feeling of the +sacrifices which are imposed on self-esteem by our social relations; +it is, in short, a sacred requirement of harmony and affection.</p> + + +<h4>9. <i>False Pride.</i></h4> + +<p>False pride and false dignity are very mean qualities. A true +gentleman will do anything proper for him to do. He can soil his hands +or use his muscles when there is occasion. The truest gentleman is +more likely to carry home a market-basket, or a parcel, or to wheel a +barrow through Broadway, than many a conceited little snob of a +shop-boy.</p> + + +<h4>10. <i>The Awkwardness of being "Dressed."</i></h4> + +<p>When dressed for company, strive to appear as easy and natural as if +you were in undress. Nothing is more distressing to a sensitive +person, or more ridiculous to one gifted with an <i>esprit moquer</i> [a +disposition to "make fun"], than to see a lady laboring under the +consciousness of a fine gown; or a gentleman who is stiff, awkward, +and ungainly in a brand-new coat.</p> + + +<div class="footnotes"><p>FOOTNOTE:</p> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_R_18" id="Footnote_R_18"></a><a href="#FNanchor_R_18"><span class="label">[R]</span></a> <i>Life Illustrated.</i></p></div> +</div> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="XII" id="XII"></a>XII.</h2> + +<h2>MAXIMS FROM CHESTERFIELD.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot medium"><p>The pages of the "Noble Oracle" are replete with sound advice, +which all may receive with profit. Genuine politeness is the +same always and everywhere.—<i>Madame Bienceance.</i></p></div> + + +<h4>1. <i>Cheerfulness and Good Humor.</i></h4> + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 55px;"> +<img src="images/imgi.jpg" width="55" height="170" alt="I" title="" /> +</div><p>t is a wonderful thing that so many persons, putting in claims to +good breeding, should think of carrying their spleen into company, and +entertaining those with whom they converse with a history of their +pains, head-aches, and ill-treatment. This is, of all others, the +meanest help to social happiness; and a man must have a very mean +opinion of himself, who, on having detailed his grievances, is +accosted by asking the news. Mutual good-humor is a dress in which we +ought to appear, whenever we meet; and we ought to make no mention of +ourselves, unless it be in matters wherein our friends ought to +rejoice. There is no real life but cheerful life; therefore +valetudinarians should be sworn before they enter into company not to +say a word of themselves until the meeting breaks up.</p> + + +<h4>2. <i>The Art of Pleasing.</i></h4> + +<p>The art of pleasing is a very necessary one to possess, but a very +difficult one to acquire. It can hardly be reduced to rules; and your +own good sense and observation will teach you more of it than I can. +Do as you would be done by, is the surest method that I know of +pleasing. Observe carefully what pleases you in others, and probably +the same things in you will please<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span> others. If you are pleased with +the complaisance and attention of others to you, depend upon it the +same complaisance and attention, on your part, will equally please +them. Take the tone of the company you are in, and do not pretend to +give it; be serious or gay, as you find the present humor of the +company. This is an attention due from every individual to the +majority.</p> + + +<h4>3. <i>Adaptation of Manners.</i></h4> + +<p>Ceremony resembles that base coin which circulates through a country +by the royal mandate. It serves every purpose of real money at home, +but is entirely useless if carried abroad. A person who should attempt +to circulate his native trash in another country would be thought +either ridiculous or culpable. He is truly well-bred who knows when to +value and when to despise those national peculiarities which are +regarded by some with so much observance. A traveler of taste at once +perceives that the wise are polite all the world over, but that fools +are polite only at home.</p> + + +<h4>4. <i>Bad Habits.</i></h4> + +<p>Keep yourself free from strange tricks or habits, such as thrusting on +your tongue, continually snapping your fingers, rubbing your hands, +sighing aloud, gaping with a noise like a country fellow that has been +sleeping in a hay-loft, or indeed with any noise; and many others that +I have noticed before. These are imitations of the manners of the mob, +and are degrading to a gentleman. It is rude and vulgar to lean your +head back and destroy the appearance of fine papered walls.</p> + + +<h4>5. <i>Do what You are About.</i></h4> + +<p><i>Hoc age</i> was a maxim among the Romans, which means, "Do what you are +about, and do that only."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span> A little mind is hurried by twenty things +at once; but a man of sense does but one thing at a time, and resolves +to excel in it; for whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing +well. Therefore, remember to give yourself up entirely to the thing +you are doing, be it what it may, whether your book or your play; for +if you have a right ambition, you will desire to excel all boys of +your age, at cricket, at trap-ball, as well as in learning.</p> + + +<h4>6. <i>People who never Learn.</i></h4> + +<p>There have been people who have frequented the first companies all +their lifetime, and yet have never divested themselves of their +natural stiffness and awkwardness; but have continued as vulgar as if +they were never out of a servants' hall. This has been owing to +carelessness, and a want of attention to the manners and behavior of +others.</p> + + +<h4>7. <i>Conformity to Local Manners.</i></h4> + +<p>Civility, which is a disposition to accommodate and oblige others, is +essentially the same in every country; but good-breeding, as it is +called, which is the manner of exerting that disposition, is different +in almost every country, and merely local; and every man of sense +imitates and conforms to that local good-breeding or the place which +he is at.</p> + + +<h4>8. <i>How to Confer Favors.</i></h4> + +<p>The greatest favors may be done so awkwardly and bunglingly as to +offend; and disagreeable things may be done so agreeably as almost to +oblige. Endeavor to acquire this great secret. It exists, it is to be +found, and is worth a great deal more than the grand secret of the +alchymists would be, if it were, as it is not, to be found.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span></p> +<h4>9. <i>Fitness.</i></h4> + +<p>One of the most important points of life is decency, which means doing +what is proper, and where it is proper; for many things are proper at +one time, and in one place, that are extremely improper in another. +Read men, therefore, yourself, not in books, but in nature. Adopt no +systems, but study them yourself.</p> + + +<h4>10. <i>How to Refuse.</i></h4> + +<p>A polite manner of refusing to comply with the solicitations of a +company is also very necessary to be learned; for a young man who +seems to have no will of his own, but does everything that is asked of +him, may be a very good-natured, but he is a very silly, fellow.</p> + + +<h4>11. <i>Civility to Women.</i></h4> + +<p>Civility is particularly due to all women; and remember that no +provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to every +woman; and the greatest man in the world would be justly reckoned a +brute, if he were not civil to the meanest woman.</p> + + +<h4>12. <i>Spirit.</i></h4> + +<p>Spirit is now a very fashionable word. To act with spirit, to speak +with spirit, means only to act rashly, and to talk indiscreetly. An +able man shows his spirit by gentle words and resolute actions; he is +neither hot nor timid.</p> + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span></p><hr class="section" /> +<h2><a name="XIII" id="XIII"></a>XIII.</h2> + +<h2>ILLUSTRATIVE ANECDOTES.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot medium"><p>It is well to combine amusement with instruction, whether you +write for young or old.—<i>Anonymous.</i></p></div> + + +<h3>I.—ELDER BLUNT AND SISTER SCRUB.</h3> + +<div class="figcap" style="width: 75px;"> +<img src="images/imgt.jpg" width="75" height="168" alt="T" title="" /> +</div><p>he house of the excellent Squire Scrub was the itinerant's home; and +a right sweet, pleasant home it would have been but for a certain +unfortunate weakness of the every other way <i>excellent</i> Sister Scrub. +The weakness I allude to was, or at least it was suspected to be, <i>the +love of praise</i>. Now the good sister was really worthy of high praise, +and she often received it; but she had a way of disparaging herself +and her performances which some people thought was intended to invite +praise. No housewife kept her floors looking so clean and her walls so +well whitewashed as she. Every board was scrubbed and scoured till +further scrubbing and scouring would have been labor wasted. No one +could look on her white ash floor and not admire the polish her +industry gave it. The "Squire" was a good provider, and Sister Scrub +was an excellent cook; and so their table groaned under a burden of +good things on all occasions when good cheer was demanded. And yet you +could never enter the house and sit half an hour without being +reminded that "Husband held Court yesterday, and she couldn't keep the +house decent." If you sat down to eat with them, she was sorry she +"hadn't anything fit to eat." She had been scrubbing,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span> or washing, or +ironing, or she had been half sick, and she hadn't got such and such +things that she ought to have. Nor did it matter how bountiful or how +well prepared the repast really was, there was always <i>something</i> +deficient, the want of which furnished a text for a disparaging +discourse on the occasion. I remember once that we sat down to a table +that a king might have been happy to enjoy. There was the light +snow-white bread; there were the potatoes reeking in butter; there +were chickens swimming in gravy; there were the onions and the +turnips, and I was sure Sister Scrub had gratified her ambition for +once. We sat down, and a blessing was asked; instantly the good sister +began; she was afraid her coffee was too much burned, or that the +water had been smoked, or that she hadn't roasted the chicken enough. +There ought to have been some salad, and it was too bad that there was +nothing nice to offer us.</p> + +<p>We, of course, endured those unjustifiable apologies as well as the +could, simply remarking that everything was really nice, and proving +by our acts that the repast was tempting to our appetites.</p> + +<p>I will now introduce another actor to the reader—Elder Blunt, the +circuit preacher. Elder Blunt was a good man. His religion was of the +most genuine, experimental kind. He was a <i>very</i> plain man. He, like +Mr. Wesley, would no more dare to preach a <i>fine</i> sermon than wear a +fine coat. He was celebrated for his common-sense way of exhibiting +the principles of religion. He <i>would</i> speak just what he thought, and +as he felt. He somehow got the name of being an eccentric preacher, as +every man, I believe, does who <i>never</i> prevaricates, and always acts +and speaks as he thinks. Somehow or other, Elder Blunt had heard of +Sister<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span> Scrub, and that infirmity of hers, and he resolved to cure +her. On his first round he stopped at "Squire Scrub's," as all other +itinerants had done before him. John, the young man, took the elder's +horse and put him in the stable, and the preacher entered the house. +He was shown into the best room, and soon felt very much at home. He +expected to hear something in due time disparaging the domestic +arrangements, but he heard it sooner than he expected. This time, if +Sister Scrub could be credited, her house was all upside down; it +wasn't fit to stay in, and she was sadly mortified to be caught in +such a plight. The elder looked all around the room, as if to observe +the terrible disorder, but he said not a word. By-and-by the dinner +was ready, and the elder sat down with the family to a well spread +table. Here, again, Sister Scrub found everything faulty; the coffee +wasn't fit to drink, and she hadn't anything fit to eat. The elder +lifted his dark eye to her face; for a moment he seemed to penetrate +her very soul with his austere gaze; then slowly rising from the +table, he said, "Brother Scrub, I want my horse immediately; I must +leave!"</p> + +<p>"Why, Brother Blunt, what is the matter?"</p> + +<p>"Matter? Why, sir, your house isn't fit to stay in, and you haven't +anything fit to eat or drink, and I won't stay."</p> + +<p>Both the "Squire" and his lady were confounded. This was a piece of +eccentricity entirely unlooked for. They were stupefied. But the elder +was gone. He wouldn't stay in a house not fit to stay in, and where +there wasn't anything fit to eat and drink.</p> + +<p>Poor Sister Scrub! She wept like a child at her folly. She "knew it +would be all over town," she said, "and everybody would be laughing at +her." And then,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span> how should she meet the blunt, honest elder again? +"She hadn't meant anything by what she had said." Ah! she never +thought how wicked it was to say <i>so much</i> that didn't mean anything.</p> + +<p>The upshot of the whole matter was, that Sister Scrub "saw herself as +others saw her." She ceased making apologies, and became a wiser and +better Christian. Elder Blunt always puts up there, always finds +everything as it should be, and, with all his eccentricities, is +thought by the family the most agreeable, as he is acknowledged by +everybody to be the most consistent, of men.—<i>Rev. J. V. Watson.</i></p> + + +<h3>II.—THE PRESENCE.</h3> + +<p>Mr. Johnson, an English traveler, relates, in his notes on North +America, the following story:</p> + +<p>"At Boston," he says, "I was told of a gentleman in the neighborhood +who, having a farm servant, found him very satisfactory in every +respect, except that he invariably came into his employer's room with +his hat on.</p> + +<p>"'John,' said he to the man one day, 'you always keep your hat on when +you come into the room.'</p> + +<p>"'Well, sir,' said John, 'and haven't I a right to?'</p> + +<p>"'Yes,' was his employer's reply, 'I suppose you have.'</p> + +<p>"'Well,' said John, 'if I have a right to, why shouldn't I?'</p> + +<p>"This was a poser from one man to another, where all have equal +rights. So, after a moment's reflection the gentleman asked:</p> + +<p>"'Now, John, what will you take, how much more wages will you ask, to +take off your hat whenever you come in?'</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span></p> +<p>"'Well, that requires consideration, I guess,' said the man.</p> + +<p>"'Take the thing into consideration, then,' rejoined the employer, +'and let me know to-morrow morning.'</p> + +<p>"The morrow comes, and John appears.</p> + +<p>"'Well, John, have you considered what additional wages you are to +have for taking your hat off?'</p> + +<p>"'Well, sir, I guess it's worth a dollar a month.'</p> + +<p>"'It's settled, then, John; you shall have another dollar a month.'</p> + +<p>"So the gentleman retained a good man, while John's hat was always in +his hand when he entered the house."</p> + +<p>This story, to one who knows New England, is not altogether +incredible. Toward the democratization of this country, yet most +incomplete, it will perhaps be one day conceded that the South has +contributed ideas, and New England sentiment; while the Great West +will have made a partial application of both to the conduct of life. +The Yankees are the kindest and the acutest of our people, and the +most ungraceful. Nowhere in the world is there so much good feeling, +combined with so much rudeness of manner, as in New England. The +South, colonized by Cavaliers, retains much of the Cavalier +improvidence and careless elegance of manner; and Southerners, like +the soil they till, are generous. But the Yankees, descended from +austere and Puritanic farmers, and accustomed to wring their +subsistence from an unwilling soil, possess the sterling virtues of +human nature along with a stiff-jointed awkwardness of manner, and a +sharp angularity of thought, which renders them unpleasing even to +those who respect them most. A Yankee seldom ceases to be provincial.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span></p> +<p>But John is waiting, hat in hand, to hear what we have to say +respecting his case.</p> + +<p>We say that John was wrong in not taking off his hat voluntarily, but +that the feeling which prevented his doing so was right. He was right +in feeling that the accidental circumstance of his being a hired man +gave his employer no claim to any special mark of respect from him; +and, as he considered that the removal of his hat would have been a +special mark of respect, and thus an acknowledgment of social +inferiority, he declined to make that acknowledgment. But John was +mistaken. The act referred to would not have borne such an +interpretation. John ought to have felt that on coming into the +presence of a man, a fellow-citizen and co-sovereign, and particularly +on entering his abode, one of the innumerable royal residences of the +country, some visible sign of respect, some kind of deferential +salutation, is <i>due</i> from the person entering. John should have risen +superior to the mere accident of his position, and remembered only +that he and his employer were men and equals. The positions of the two +men might be reversed in a day; their equality as men and citizens, +nothing but crime could affect.—<i>James Parton.</i></p> + + +<h3>III.—A LEARNED MAN AT TABLE.</h3> + +<p>Some of the many errors which are liable to be committed through +ignorance of usage, are pleasantly pointed out in the following story, +which is related by a French writer:</p> + +<p>The Abbé Cosson, professor in the <i>Collége Mazarin</i>, thoroughly +accomplished in the art of teaching, saturated with Greek, Latin, and +literature, considered himself a perfect well of science: he had no +conception that a man who knew all Persius and Horace by heart<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span> could +possibly commit an error—above all, an error at table. But it was not +long before he discovered his mistake. One day, after dining with the +Abbé de Radonvilliers at Versailles, in company with several courtiers +and marshals of France; he was boasting of the rare acquaintance with +etiquette and custom which he had exhibited at dinner. The Abbé +Delille, who heard this eulogy upon his own conduct, interrupted his +harangue by offering to wager that he had committed at least a hundred +improprieties at the table. "How is it possible?" exclaimed Cosson. "I +did exactly like the rest of the company."</p> + +<p>"What absurdity!" said the other. "You did a thousand things which no +one else did. First, when you sat down at the table, what did you do +with your napkin?" "My napkin! why, just what everybody else did with +theirs. I unfolded it entirely, and fastened it to my button-hole." +"Well, my dear friend," said Delille, "you were the only one that did +<i>that</i>, at all events. No one hangs up his napkin in that style; they +are contented with placing it on their knees. And what did you do when +you took soup?" "Like the others, I believe. I took any spoon in one +hand and my fork in the other—" "Your fork! Who ever ate soup with a +fork? But to proceed: after your soup, what did you eat?" "A fresh +egg." "And what did you do with the shell?" "Handed it to the servant +who stood behind my chair." "Without breaking it, of course?" "Well, +my dear Abbé, nobody ever eats an egg without breaking the shell." +"And after your egg—?" "I asked the Abbé Radonvilliers to send me a +piece of the hen near him." "Bless my soul! a piece of the <i>hen</i>! You +never speak of hens excepting in the barn-yard. You should have asked +for fowl, or chicken.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span> But you say nothing of your mode of drinking." +"Like all the rest, I asked for <i>claret</i> and <i>champagne</i>." "Let me +inform you, then, that persons always ask for <i>claret wine</i> and +<i>champagne wine</i>. But tell me, how did you eat your bread?" "Surely I +did that properly. I cut it with my knife in the most regular manner +possible." "Bread should always be broken, not cut. But the coffee, +how did you manage it?" "It was rather too hot, and I poured a little +of it into my saucer." "Well, you committed here the greatest fault of +all. You should never pour your coffee into the saucer, but always +drink it from the cup." The poor Abbé was confounded. He felt that +though one might be master of the seven sciences, yet that there was +another species of knowledge which, if less dignified, was equally +important.</p> + +<p>This occurred many years ago, but there is not one of the observances +neglected by the Abbé Cosson which is not enforced with equal +rigidness in the present day.</p> + + +<h3>IV.—ENGLISH WOMEN IN HIGH LIFE.</h3> + +<p>Lord Hardwicke's family consists of his countess, his eldest son +(about eighteen or twenty, Lord Royston by courtesy), three of the +finest-looking daughters you ever saw, and several younger sons. The +daughters—Lady Elizabeth, Lady Mary, and Lady Agnita—are +surpassingly beautiful; such development—such rosy cheeks, laughing +eyes, and unaffected manners—you rarely see combined. They take a +great deal of out-door exercise, and came aboard the Merrimac, in a +heavy rain, with Irish shoes thicker soled than you or I ever wore, +and cloaks and dresses almost impervious to wet. They steer their +father's yacht, walk the Lord knows how<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span> many miles, and don't care a +cent about rain, besides doing a host of other things that would shock +our ladies to death; and yet in the parlor are the most elegant +looking women, in their satin shoes and diamonds, I ever saw.... After +dinner the ladies play and sing for us, and the other night they got +up a game of blind-man's-buff; in which the ladies said we had the +advantage, inasmuch as their "petticoats rustled so that they were +easily caught." They call things by their names here. In the course of +the game, Lord Hardwicke himself was blindfolded, and, trying to catch +some one, fell over his daughter's lap on the floor, when two or three +of the girls caught him by the legs and dragged his lordship—roaring +with laughter, as we all were—on his back into the middle of the +floor. Yet they are perfectly respectful, but appear on a perfect +equality with each other.—<i>Letter from an Officer of the "Merrimac."</i></p> + + +<h3>V.—"VIL YOU SAY SO, IF YOU PLEASE?"</h3> + +<p>"Speaking of <i>not speaking</i>," said I, when the general amusement had +abated, "reminds me of an amusing little scene that I once witnessed +in the public parlor of a New England tavern, where I was compelled to +wait several hours for a stage-coach. Presently there entered a +bustling, sprightly-looking little personage, who, after frisking +about the room, apparently upon a tom of inspection, finally settled +herself very comfortably in the large cushioned rocking-chair—the +only one in the room—and was soon, as I had no reason to doubt, sound +asleep. It was not long, however, before a noise of some one entering +aroused her, and a tall, gaunt, old Yankee woman, hung around with +countless bags, bonnet-boxes, and nondescript appendages of various<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span> +sizes and kinds, presented herself to our vision. After slowly +relieving herself of the numberless incumbrances that impeded her +progress in life, she turned to a young man who accompanied her, and +said, in a tone so peculiarly shrill that it might have been mistaken, +at this day, for a railroad whistle—</p> + +<p>"'Now, Jonathan, don't let no grass grow under your feet while you go +for them toothache drops; I am a'most crazy with pain!' laying a hand +upon the affected spot as she spoke; 'and here,' she called out, as +the door was closing upon her messenger, 'just get my box filled at +the same time,' diving with her disengaged hand into the unknown +depths of, seemingly, the most capacious of pockets, and bringing to +light a shining black box of sufficient size to hold all the jewels of +a modern belle. 'I thought I brought along my snuff-bladder, but I +don't know where I put it, my head is so stirred up.'</p> + +<p>"By this time the little woman in the rocking-chair was fairly +aroused, and rising, she courteously offered her seat to the stranger, +her accent at once betraying her claim to be ranked with the politest +of nations (a bow, on my part, to the fair foreigner in the group). +With a prolonged stare, the old woman coolly ensconced herself in the +vacated seat, making not the slightest acknowledgment of the civility +she had received. Presently she began to groan, rocking herself +furiously at the same time. The former occupant of the stuffed chair, +who had retired to a window and perched herself in one of a long row +of wooden seats, hurried to the sufferer. 'I fear, madame,' said she, +'that you suffare ver' much—vat can I do for you?' The representative +of Yankeedom might have been a wooden clock-case for all the response +she made to this amiable<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span> inquiry, unless her rocking more furiously +than ever might be construed into a reply.</p> + +<p>"The little Frenchwoman, apparently wholly unable to class so +anomalous a specimen of humanity, cautiously retreated.</p> + +<p>"Before I was summoned away, the toothache drops and the snuff +together (both administered in large doses) seemed to have gradually +produced the effect of oil poured upon troubled waters.</p> + +<p>"The sprightly Frenchwoman again ventured upon the theater of action.</p> + +<p>"'You find yourself now much improved, madame?' she asked, with +considerable vivacity. A very slight nod was the only answer.</p> + +<p>"'And you feel dis <i>fauteuil</i> really very <i>com-for-ta-ble</i>?' pursued +the little woman, with augmented energy of voice. Another nod was just +discernible.</p> + +<p>"No intonation of mine can do justice to the very ecstasy of +impatience with which the pertinacious questioner actually <i>screamed</i> +out:</p> + +<p>"'<i>Bien</i>, madame, <i>vil you say so</i>, if you please?'</p> + +<div class="right">"<i>Henry Lunettes.</i>"</div> +<p> </p> + +<hr class="full" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span></p> + +<h2><br />THE INDISPENSABLE HAND-BOOK.</h2> +<hr class="section" /> +<h2>How to Write——How to Talk——How to Behave,<br /> and How to Do Business.</h2> + +<h3><br />COMPLETE IN ONE LARGE VOLUME.</h3> + +<p>This new work—in four parts—embraces just that practical +matter-of-fact information which every one—old and young—ought to +have. It will aid in attaining, if it does not insure, "success in +life." It contains some 600 pages, elegantly bound, and is divided +into four parts, as follows:</p> + + +<h2>How to Write:</h2> + +<p>As a Manual of Letter-Writing and Composition, is far superior to the +common "Letter-Writers." It teaches the inexperienced how to write +Business Letters, Family Letters, Friendly Letters, Love Letters, +Notes and Cards, and Newspaper Articles, and how to Correct Proof for +the Press. The newspapers have pronounced it "Indispensable."</p> + +<hr class="quarter" /> +<h2>How to Talk:</h2> + +<p>No other Book contains so much Useful Instruction on the subject as +this. It teaches how to Speak Correctly, Clearly, Fluently, Forcibly, +Eloquently, and Effectively, in the Shop, in the Drawing-room; a +Chairman's Guide, to conduct Debating Societies and Public Meetings; +how to Spell, end how to Pronounce all sorts of Words; with Exercises +for Declamation. The chapter on "Errors Corrected" is worth the price +of the volume to every young man. "Worth a dozen grammars."</p> + +<hr class="quarter" /> +<h2>How to Behave:</h2> + +<p>This is a Manual of Etiquette, and it is believed to be the best +"MANNERS BOOK" ever written. If you desire to know what good manners +require, at Home, on the Street, at a Party, at Church, at Table, in +Conversation, at Places of Amusement, in Traveling, in the Company of +Ladies, in Courtship, this book will inform you. It is a standard work +on Good Behavior.</p> + +<hr class="quarter" /> +<h2>How to Do Business:</h2> + +<p>Indispensable in the Counting-room, in the Store, in the Shop, on the +Farm, for the Clerk, the Apprentice, the Book Agent, and for Business +Men. It teaches how to Choose a Pursuit, and how to follow it with +success. "It teaches how to get rich honestly," and how to use your +riches wisely.</p> + +<div class="center"> +How to Write—How to Talk—How to Behave—How to Do Business, bound<br /> +in one large handsome volume, for $2 +</div> + +<p> </p> + +<hr class="full" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span></p> +<h2>Practical Outdoor Books.</h2> + + +<p><b>How to Raise Fruits.</b>—A Handbook of Fruit Culture. Being a Guide to +the Proper Cultivation and Management of Fruit Trees, and of Grapes +and Small Fruits, with condensed descriptions of many of the best and +most popular varieties, with upwards of 100 engravings. By <span class="smcap">Thomas +Gregg</span>. $1.00</p> + +<p>A book which should be owned by every person who owns a rod of +available land, and it will serve to secure success where now there is +nothing but failure. It covers the ground fully, without +technicalities, and is a work on "Fruit Culture for the Million."</p> + +<p>It tells of the cost, how to plant, how to trim, how to transplant, +location, soil, selection diseases, insects, borers, blights, +cultivation, how to prune, manuring, layering, budding grafting, etc., +including full description and management of Orchard Fruit, such as +Apples, Peaches, Pears, Plums, Cherries, Quinces, Apricots, +Nectarines, etc. It is a most Complete Guide to Small-Fruit Culture, +with many illustrations and descriptions of the latest varieties of +Grapes, Strawberries, Blackberries, Raspberries, Gooseberries, +Currants, etc.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Paint.</b>—A New Work by a Practical Painter. Denoted for the use +of Farmers, Tradesmen, Mechanics, Merchants, and as a Guide to the +Professional Painter. Containing a plain common-sense statement of the +methods employed by painters to produce satisfactory results in Plain +and Fancy Painting of every description, including Gilding, Bronzing, +Staining, Graining, Marbling, Varnishing, Polishing, Kalsomining, +Paper-Hanging, Striping, Lettering, Copying, and Ornamenting, with +directions for mixing and applying all kinds of Paints. Makes "Every +Man his Own Painter." $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>The Model Potato.</b>—An exposition of the proper cultivation of the +Potato; the Causes of its Disease, and the Remedy; its Renewal, +Preservation, Productiveness, and Cooking. 50 cents.</p> + + +<p><b>Horses: Their Feed and Their Feet.</b>—A manual of horse hygiene, +invaluable for the veteran or the novice, pointing out the causes of +"Malaria," "Glanders," "Pink Eye," "Distemper," etc., and how to +Prevent and Counteract them. By <span class="smcap">C. E. Page, M.D.</span>, with a Treatise and +Notes on Shoeing by Sir George Cox and Col. M. C. Weld. 150 pp. 12mo, +paper, 50 cents; extra cloth, 75 cents.</p> + +<p><b>By mail, post-paid,</b> on receipt of price. Address</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 15em;">FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 24em;">753 Broadway, New York</span><br /> +</p> + +<hr class="full" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span></p> +<div class="center large">A NEW WORK.<br /> +<br /> +<i>FRESH, SEASONABLE, ADVANCED.</i> +</div> + +<h2><br /><span class="large">BRAIN AND MIND;</span> +<br /> +<span class="small">OR<br /> + +MENTAL SCIENCE CONSIDERED IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PRINCIPLES<br /> OF +PHRENOLOGY, AND IN RELATION TO MODERN PHYSIOLOGY +</span><br /><br /></h2> + +<div class="center">By HENRY S. DRAYTON, A.M., and JAMES McNEILL.<br /> +<br /> +<span class="center medium"><b>Illustrated with over One Hundred Portraits and Diagrams.</b></span> +<br /><br /> +<b>12mo, extra cloth Price, $1.60.</b></div> + +<p>This contribution to the science of mind has been made in response to +the demand of the time for a work embodying the grand principles of +Phrenology, as they are understood and applied to-day by the advanced +exponents of mental philosophy. The authors state in their Preface: +"In preparing this volume it has been the aim to meet an existing +want, viz. That of a treatise which not only gives the reader a +complete view of the system of mental science known as Phrenology, but +also exhibits its relation to anatomy and physiology as those sciences +are represented to-day by standard authority."</p> + +<p>The work is divided into eighteen chapters, which are entitled as +follows:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"> +<span class="medium">CHAPTERS.</span><br /> +<ol style="list-style-type: upper-roman; margin-left: 3em;"> +<li><span class="smcap">General Principles.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">Of the Temperaments.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">Structure of the Brain and Skull.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">Classification of the Faculties.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">The Physico-Preservative, or Selfish Organs.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">Of the Intellect.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">The Semi-Intellectual Faculties.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">The Organs of the Social Functions.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">The Selfish Sentiments.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">The Moral and Religious Sentiments.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">How to Examine Heads.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">How Character is Manifested.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">The Action of the Faculties.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">The Relation of Phrenology to Metaphysics and Education.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">Value of Phrenology As an Art.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">Phrenology and Physiology.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">Objections and Confirmations by the Physiologists.</span></li> +<li><span class="smcap">Phrenology in General Literature.</span></li> +</ol> +</div> + +<p>In style and treatment it is adapted to the general reader, and +abounds with valuable instruction expressed in clear, practical terms.</p> + +<p>It is printed on fine paper, and substantially bound in cloth, and +contains 325 pages. 12mo. Price $1.50, by mail post-paid.</p> + +<div class="center"><i>Address</i> FOWLER & WELLS CO., 753 Broadway, N. Y.</div> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span></p> +<h2><br />HOW TO PAINT.</h2> +<hr class="quarter" /> +<h3><i>"EVERY MAN HIS OWN PAINTER."</i></h3> + +<p><span class="large"><b>How to Paint.</b></span>—A complete Compendium of the Art. Designed for the use +of Tradesmen, Mechanics, Merchants, Farmers, and a Guide to the +Professional Painter. Containing a plain Common-sense statement of the +Methods employed by Painters to produce satisfactory results in Plain +and Fancy Painting of every Description, including Gilding, Bronzing, +Staining, Graining, Marbling, Varnishing, Polishing, Kalsomining, +Paper Hanging, Striping, Lettering, Copying and Ornamenting, with +Formulas for Mixing Paint in Oil or Water. Description of Pigments +used; their Average Cost, Tools required, etc. By <span class="smcap">F. B. Gardner</span>, +author of the <i>Carriage Painter's Manual</i>. 127 pp. Cloth, $1.00.</p> + +<p>This is just the work needed by every person who has anything to +paint, as will be seen from the following from the Table of Contents. +It is very complete, and will make <b>"Every Man his Own Painter."</b></p> + +<div class="adquot"> +CHAPTER I.—<span class="smcap">Painting</span>—Tools used. +</div> +<div class="adquot"> +CHAPTER II.—<span class="smcap">Brushes</span>. +</div> +<div class="adquot"> +CHAPTER III.—<span class="smcap">Dry Colors</span>—White +Lead; Fine White; Lamp Black; Drop +Black; Ivory Black; Prussian Blue; Ultramarine +Green; Yellow; Vermilion; +Brown; Lake; Carmine; Rose Pink; +Whiting; Glue; Pumice Stone; Asphaltum. +<br /> +</div> +<div class="adquot"> +CHAPTER IV.—<span class="smcap">Liquids</span>—Spirits of +Turpentine; Oils; Varnishes; Furniture +Varnish; Average Prices of +Varnish; Shellac Varnish; Japan Gold +Size; Brown Japan Size; Fat Oil Size; +Quick Size; Asphaltum Size; Honey +Size; Size for Glass. +</div> +<div class="adquot"> +CHAPTER V.—<span class="smcap">Colors in Oil</span>—Tube +Colors; Compound Colors. +</div> +<div class="adquot"> +CHAPTER VI.—Mixing Paint; White +Paint; White for Inside Work; China +Glass; Oil Color for Outside Work; +Dead, or Flat Color; Colors Ground in +Oil. <span class="smcap">Putty</span>—Common Window Putty; +Carriage Painters' Putty; Cementing +Putty; Furniture Putty; Hardwood +Putty; Putty for Plaster Work. +</div> +<div class="adquot"> +CHAPTER VII.—<span class="smcap">Milk Paint</span>—Distemper +Painting; Kalsomine; Preparing +Kalsomine; Paint for Out-Buildings; +Paint for Iron Railing; White +wash; Size for Walls; Paste for Paper +hanging; Hanging Paper. +</div> +<div class="adquot"> +CHAPTER VIII.—Graining; Oak in +Distemper; Oak in Oil; Maple; Mahogany; +Rosewood; Black Walnut; +Staining; Granite; Brown Stone; +Portland Stone; Smalting; Flockings; +Marbling. +</div> +<div class="adquot"> +CHAPTER IX.—<span class="smcap">Gilding</span>—Gold Leaf; +Silver Leaf; Dutch Metal; Gilding on +Glass; Bronzing; Stenciling; Transferring; +Decalcomanie; Transparent +Painting; Pearl Inlaying; Making a +Rustic Picture; Painting Flower Stand; +Polish for Mahogany; Varnishing Furniture; +Waxing Furniture; Cleaning +Paint; Paint for Farming Tools; Paint +for Machinery; Paint for Household +Goods; Paint for Iron; To Imitate +Ground Glass; Pumicing Ornaments; +Painting to Imitate Damask; To Paint +a Farm Wagon; To Re-Varnish a Carriage; +To Duplicate Plaster Casts; +"Putty Work;" Permanent Wood +Filling for House Work. +</div> + +<p>It is neatly Printed, with illustrations showing everything that can +be illustrated in connection with the subject. Published in uniform +style with the Carriage Painter's Manual, at the same price. $1.00, by +mail, past-paid, to any address by <b>B. R. WELLS & CO., Publishers, 737 +Broadway, N. Y.</b></p> + + +<hr class="full" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE EMPHATIC DIAGLOTT,</h2> + +<div class="center"> +Containing the Original Greek Text of <span class="smcap">The New Testament</span> with an +interlineary<br /> word-for-word English Translation; a new Emphatic Version +based on the<br /> Interlineary Translation, on the Readings of Eminent +Critics, and on the<br /> various Readings of the Vatican Manuscript (No +1,209 in the Vatican<br /> Library); together with illustrative and +Explanatory Foot Notes,<br /> and a copious Selection of References; to the +whole of which<br /> is added a valuable Alphabetical Index.<br /> +<br /> +By BENJAMIN WILSON.<br /> +<br /> +<b>One Vol., 12mo, 884 pp. Price, extra cloth, $4; Lib. binding, $5.</b> +</div> + +<p>We have here a Greek Text acknowledged to be one of the best, which +Greek scholars will find of importance, while the unlearned have an +almost equal chance with those who are acquainted with the original, +by having an interlinear, literal, word-for-word English translation. +On the right hand of each page there is a column containing a special +rendering of the translation, including the labors of many talented +critics and translators, and in this column the emphatic signs are +noted by which the Greek words of emphasis are designated, which the +common and are new version of the New Testament fail to give. The +adopting of the ensigns of emphasis give a certainty and intensity to +the passages where they occur which can not be had without them. In +addition to this there are numerous footnotes and references, making +it on the whole one of the most valuable aids to Bible study yet +published.</p> + +<h3>OPINIONS OF THE CLERGY.</h3> + +<p>The following extracts from a letters received by the publishers will +go far to show in what the light the "Emphatic Diaglott" is regarded +by the clergy:</p> + +<div class="adquot">From <span class="smcap">J. R. Graves</span>, LL.D., <i>Editor of Tenn. Baptist</i>.—"There are many +of our ministers who have mastered the usual amount of Greek required +to complete their course at school but have found little time since +entering upon their ministerial labors to "keep it up," and rust has +so gathered upon their Greek that it has become a labor to work it out +without Grammar and Lexicon. To all such and even to those who have +accomplished but little in the language, this <span class="smcap">interlineary</span> translation +will prove an invaluable help. The <span class="smcap">critical foot-notes</span> and Dictionary +of Terms at the close are fully worth the price of the work itself. I +can cordially commend it to every minister and Bible student as a +rigidly faithful translation of the New Testament, and for several +reasons the most valuable one that has yet been made."</div> + +<div class="adquot">From <span class="smcap">Thomas Armitage</span>, D.D., <i>Pastor of the Fifth Ave. Baptist +Church</i>.—"<span class="smcap">Gentlemen</span>: I have examined with much care and great +interest the specimen sheets sent me of 'the Emphatic Diaglott.' ... I +believe that the book furnishes evidences of the purposed +faithfulness, more than usual scholarship, and remarkable literary +industry. It can not fail to be an important help to those who wish to +become better acquainted with the revealed will of God. For these +reasons I wish the enterprise of publishing the work a great success."</div> + +<div class="adquot">From the Rev. <span class="smcap">James L. Hodge</span>, <i>Pastor of the First Mariners' Baptist +Church, N. Y.</i>—"I have examined these sheets which you design to be a +specimen of the work, and have to confess myself much pleased with the +arrangement and ability of Mr. Wilson.... I can most cordially thank +Mr. Wilson for his noble work, and you, gentlemen, for your Christian +enterprise in bringing the work before the public. I believe the work +will do good, and aid the better understanding of the New Testament."</div> + +<div class="adquot">From Prof. <span class="smcap">H. Mattison</span>, <i>Pastor of Trinity Meth. Church, Jersey City, +N. J.</i>—... "The plan of the work is admirable, and the presence of +the Greek text and interlinear version gives every scholar a fair +chance to test the version for himself, verse by verse and word for +word. I can not but believe that the work will be valuable acquisition +to the Biblical literature of the country."</div> + +<div class="adquot">From <span class="smcap">A. A. Livermore</span>, D.D., <i>President of the Theological Sem., +Meadville, Pa.</i>— ... "I welcome all efforts intelligently made to +popularize the results of criticism, and wish that this little volume +might be possessed by every clergyman and student of the Scriptures in +the country."</div> + +<div class="adquot">From Rev. <span class="smcap">C. Larew</span>, <i>Pastor of the Halsey St. Meth. Church, Newark, N. +J.</i>—"'The Diaglott' has given me great pleasure. The arrangement is a +most excellent one, and the new version can not fail to be of +gratification and profit, especially to those unacquainted with the +original Greek. The translator has certainly shown great genius in +seizing upon the thought of the original and a happy tact on +presenting it."</div> + +<div class="adquot">From Rev. <span class="smcap">G. F. Warren</span>, <i>Pastor of the Worthen St. Church, Lowell, +Mass.</i>—... "Am highly gratified with the thorough manner in which he +(the author) has done his work. If I mistake not this translation will +receive a cordial welcome from the Christian public. It is just what +every Christian needs. I congratulate myself and others that such a +valuable auxiliary to the study of the Word of God is placed in our +hands."</div> + +<p>We give sample pages of the work that every one may form a correct +idea of the plan of publication. Sent by mail, post-paid, on receipt +of price.</p> + +<div class="center">Address all orders to <b>FOWLER & WELLS CO. Publishers</b>,</div> +<div class="right">753 BROADWAY, NEW YORK.</div> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span></p> +<h2><br />GOOD HEALTH BOOKS.</h2> + +<p><b>HEALTH IN THE HOUSEHOLD</b>,</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Or, Hygienic Cookery. By Susanna W. Dodds, M.D. One large 12mo volume, +600 pages, extra cloth or oil-cloth binding, price $2.00.</p></div> + +<p>Undoubtedly the very best work on the preparation of food in a +healthful manner ever published, and one that should be in the hands +of all who would furnish their tables with food that is wholesome and +at the same time palatable, and will contribute much toward <b>Health in +the Household</b>.</p> + + +<p><b>THE NATURAL CURE</b></p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Of Consumption, Constipation, Bright's Disease, Neuralgia, Rheumatism, +"Colds" (Fevers), Etc. How Sickness Originates and How to Prevent it. +A Health Manual for the People. By C. E. Page. 1 vol. 12mo. 278 pp., +ex. cloth, $1.00.</p></div> + +<p>A new work with new ideas, both radical and reasonable, appealing to +the common-sense of the reader. This is not a new work with old +thoughts simply restated, but the most original Health Manual +published in many years. It is written in the author's clear, +attractive manner, and should be in the hands of all who would either +retain or regain their health, and keep from the hands of the doctors.</p> + + +<p><b>HOW TO FEED THE BABY</b>,</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>To Make Her Healthy and Happy. With Health Hints. By C. E. Page, M.D. +Fourth Edition, Revised and Enlarged. 12mo, paper, 50 cents; extra +cloth, 75 cts.</p></div> + +<p>Dr. Page has devoted much attention to the subject, both in this +country and in Europe, noting the condition of children, and then +making careful inquiries as to the feeding, care, etc., and this work +is a special record of experience with his own child. In addition to +answering the question <i>what</i> to feed the baby, this volume tells +<i>how</i> to feed the baby, which is of equal importance. There are many +who are now following the author's teaching with good results.</p> + + +<p><b>HOW TO BE WELL</b>;</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Or, Common-Sense Medical Hygiene. A book for the people, giving +directions for the treatment and cure of acute diseases without the +use of drug medicines, also general hints on health. By M. Augusta +Fairchild, M.D. 12mo, cloth, $1.00.</p></div> + +<p>We have here a new work on Hygiene containing the results of the +author's experience for many years in the treatment of acute and +chronic diseases with Hygienic agencies, and it will save an +incalculable amount of pain and suffering, as well as doctors' bills, +in every family where its simple directions are followed.</p> + + +<p><b>DIGESTION and DYSPEPSIA.</b></p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>A Complete Explanation of the Digestive Processes, with the Symptoms +and Treatment of Dyspepsia and other Disorders of the Digestive +Organs. Illustrated. By R. T. Trall, M.D. $1.00.</p></div> + +<p>The latest and best work on the subject. With fifty illustrations; +showing with all possible fullness every process of digestion, and +giving all the causes, and directions for treatment of Dyspepsia. The +author gives the summary of the data which he collected during an +extensive practice of more than twenty-five years, largely with +patients who were suffering from diseases caused by Dyspepsia and an +impaired Digestion.</p> + + +<p><b>THE MOTHER'S HYGIENIC HANDBOOK</b>,</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>for the Normal Development and Training of Women and Children, and the +Treatment of their diseases with Hygienic agencies. By the same +author. $1.00.</p></div> + +<p>The great experience and ability of the author enabled him to give +just that advice which mothers need so often all through their lives. +It covers the whole ground, and, if it be carefully read, will go far +towards giving us an "<span class="smcap">Enlightened Motherhood</span>." The work should be read +by every wife and every woman who contemplates marriage. Mothers may +place it in the hands of their daughters with words of commendation, +and feel assured they will be the better prepared for the +responsibilities and duties of married life and motherhood.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Sent by mail, post-paid, to any address on receipt of price. Agents +wanted.<br /> Address FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers. 753 Broadway, New +York.</p></div> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span></p> +<h3><br />THE WORKS OF NELSON SIZER.</h3> + +<hr class="quarter" /> + +<h2>A Great Book for Young People</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><b>"CHOICE OF PURSUITS; or, What to Do and Why,"</b> describing +Seventy-five Trades and Professions, and the Temperaments and +Talents required for each; with Portraits and Biographies of +many successful Thinkers and Workers By <span class="smcap">Nelson Sizer</span>, Associate +Editor of the "<span class="smcap">Phrenological Journal</span>," Vice President of, and +Teacher in, the "American Institute of Phrenology," etc. 12mo, +extra cloth. 508 pp. Price, $1.75.</p></div> + +<p>This work fills a place attempted by no other. Whoever has to earn a +living by labor of head or hand, can not afford to do without it.</p> + +<div class="center">NOTICES OF THE PRESS.</div> + +<p>"'<span class="smcap">Choice of Pursuits</span>; or, What to do and Why' is a remarkable book. +The author has attained a deserved eminence as a delineator of +character. We have given it a careful reading and feel warranted in +saying that it is a book calculated to do a vast deal of +good."—<i>Boston Commonwealth.</i></p> + +<p>"The title in startling, but it is indicative of the contents of the +book itself; the work is a desideratum."—<i>Inter-Ocean (Chicago.)</i></p> + +<p>"It presents many judicious counsels. The main purpose of the writer +is to prevent mistakes in the choice of a profession. His remarks on +the different trades are often highly original. The tendency of this +volume is to increase the reader's respect for human nature."—<i>New +York Tribune.</i></p> + +<p>"The design of this book is to indicate to every man his proper work +and to educate him for it"—<i>Albany Evening Journal.</i></p> + +<hr class="quarter" /> + +<h2>A New Book for Parents and Teachers.</h2> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><b>"HOW TO TEACH ACCORDING TO TEMPERAMENT AND MENTAL DEVELOPMENT,"</b> +or, Phrenology in the School-room and the Family.</p> + +<p>With many Illustrations. 12mo, extra cloth, 351 pages. Price, $1.50.</p></div> + +<p>One of the greatest difficulties in the training of children arises +from not understanding their temperament and disposition. This work +points out clearly the constitutious differences, and how to make the +most of each.</p> + +<div class="center">NOTICES OF THE PRESS.</div> + +<p>"The purpose of this work is to aid parents and teachers to understand +the talents, dispositions, and temperaments of those under their +guidance. This opens a new field to the consideration of the teacher. +The text is attractive and a valuable contribution to educational +literature. It should be in the library of every parent and +teacher."—<i>New England Journal of Education.</i></p> + +<p>"This is an entirely new feature in a book intended for the use of +teachers, and must prove of great advantage to them. The text is +written in a manner which must attract every reader."—<i>The +Methodist.</i></p> + +<p>"No teacher should neglect to read this well-written contribution to +the cause of education."—<i>Christian Instructor.</i></p> + +<p>"It abounds in valuable suggestions and counsels derived from many +years experience, which can not fail to be of service to all who are +engaged in the business of education. The subject is treated in a +plain, familiar manner, and adapted to reading in the family as well +as in the study of the teacher."—<i>New York Tribune.</i></p> + +<p>"There is a great deal of good sense in the work and all teachers will +be glad to welcome it."—<i>The Commonwealth</i>, Boston.</p> + +<hr class="quarter" /> +<h3>A NEW BOOK FOR EVERYBODY!</h3> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><b>FORTY YEARS IN PHRENOLOGY</b>: Embracing Recollections of History, +Anecdote, and Experience. 12mo, extra cloth, 413 pages. Price, +$1.50.</p></div> + +<p>In this work we have a most interesting record of the author's +recollections and experiences during more than forty years as a +Practical Phrenologist. The volume is filled with history, anecdotes, +and incidents, pathetic, witty, droll, and startling. Every page +sparkles with reality, and is packed with facts too good to be lost. +This book will be warmly welcomed by every reader, from the boy of +twelve to the sage of eighty years.</p> + +<hr class="quarter" /> +<div class="blockquot"><p><b>THOUGHTS ON DOMESTIC LIFE;</b> or, Marriage Vindicated and Free Love +Exposed. 12mo. Paper, 25 cents.</p></div> + +<p>This work contains a sharp analysis of the social nature, in some +respects quite original. Sent by mail, post-paid, to any address. +Agents wanted. Address</p> + +<p><span style="margin-left: 16em;"><b>FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York.</b></span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span></p> +<h2><span class="small">THE</span><br /> + +HUMAN VOICE.<br /></h2> + +<div class="center"><span class="medium">ITS</span><br /> + +ANATOMY, PHYSIOLOGY, PATHOLOGY, THERAPEUTICS,<br /> AND TRAINING, WITH RULES +OF<br /> ORDER FOR LYCEUMS.<br /><br /> + +BY R. T. TRALL, M.D.<br /><br /> +<b>Paper, 50 Cents; Cloth, 75 Cents.</b> +</div> +<hr class="quarter" /> +<p>The work comprises, in a clear, concise form, directions for +strengthening and improving the voice, overcoming constitutional +difficulties, and repairing the abnormal conditions in the organs of +articulation as far as they can be remedied. The work contains many +illustrations, with full directions for vocal culture and how gestures +may become graceful. It contains, for practice, some of the most +popular selections, including the best from Dickens, Henry Clay, Pope, +and Bancroft, with Poe's "Raven" and the "Bells;" also, "Sheridan's +Ride." The chapter devoted to rules of order for public meetings +constitutes a <span class="smcap">Chairman's Guide</span>, and with a list of debatable subjects, +would be considered worth the price of the book by many young men and +members of debating societies. Let every young man—and woman, +too—prepare themselves for speaking in public when occasion may +demand it.</p> + + +<h3>NOTICES.</h3> + +<p>All who desire to read and speak well, will find this book an +excellent guide.—<i>New England Journal of Education.</i></p> + +<p>Any one who desires to improve his voice, should get a copy of this +new work. It is a safe guide for the use of all who aim to become good +readers and speakers.—<i>New York Weekly.</i></p> + +<p>The work aims at a scientific and thorough treatment of the +subject.—<i>Daily Graphic.</i></p> + +<p>This book supplies the greatest want of young persons entering on +their oratorical career.—<i>Rural New Yorker.</i></p> + +<p>An excellent guide for those desiring to become good readers or public +speakers, for strengthening and improving the voice.—<i>Publishers' +Weekly.</i></p> + +<p>A very useful treatise, practical in treatment, and popular in +form.—<i>Christian Intelligencer.</i></p> + +<p>It will be an aid to teachers.—<i>National Teachers' Monthly.</i></p> + +<p>It will be found a plain and intelligible guide in theory and +practice, to any who desire to improve or excel, and must rely mainly +on self-education.—<i>Christian Instructor, and West. United Pres.</i></p> + +<p><b>Agents wanted</b> to sell this in High Schools, Colleges, etc. Sent by +mail, post-paid, on receipt of price. Address</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 18em;"><b>FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers,</b></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 26em;"><b>753 Broadway, New York.</b></span><br /> +</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span></p> +<h3>A Choice of Premiums.</h3> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 250px;"> +<img src="images/img156.jpg" width="250" height="265" alt="Phrenological Chart" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><b>The Phrenological Chart.</b></p> + +<p>A handsome symbolical Head, made from new and special drawings +designed for the purpose. The pictorial illustrations show the +location of each of the phrenological organs and their natural +language. The Head is about twelve ins. wide, handsomely lithographed +in colors and on heavy plate paper 19 × 24 ins., properly mounted, +with rings for hanging or may be framed, and will be very attractive +wherever it is seen. Price: $1.00. Is given to the new subscribers, or +the Bust Premium.</p> + +<p><b>The Phrenological Bust.</b></p> + +<p>This Bust is made of Plaster of Paris, and so lettered as to show the +exact location of each of the Phrenological Organs. The head is nearly +life-size, and very ornamental, deserving a place on the centre-table +or mantel, in parlor, office or study. This, with the illustrated key +which accompanies each Bust, should be in the hands of all who would +know "<span class="smcap">How to Read Character</span>." Price, $1.00, or given as a Premium to +each new subscriber to the <span class="smcap">Journal</span> or we will send the Chart Premium.</p> + + +<h2><span class="small">THE</span><br /> + +PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL</h2> + +<p>Is widely known in America and Europe, having been before the reading +world fifty years, and occupying a place in literature exclusively its +own, viz., the study of <span class="smcap">Human Nature</span> in all its phases, including +Phrenology, Physiognomy, Ethnology, Physiology, etc., together with +the "<span class="smcap">Science of Health</span>," and no expense will be spared to make it the +best publication for general circulation, tending always to make men +better physically, mentally, and morally. Parents and teachers should +read the <span class="smcap">Journal</span>, that they may better know how to govern and train +their children. Young people should read the <span class="smcap">Journal</span>, that they may +make the most of themselves. It has long met with the hearty approval +of the press and the people.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>N. Y. Times</i> says: "<span class="smcap">The Phrenological Journal</span> proves that the +increasing years of a periodical is no reason for its lessening its +enterprise or for diminishing its abundance of interesting matter. If +all magazines increased in merit as steadily as <span class="smcap">The Phrenological +Journal</span>, they would deserve in time to show equal evidences of +popularity."</p></div> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>Christian Union</i> says: "It is well known as a popular storehouse for +useful thought. It teaches men to know themselves and constantly +presents matters of the highest interest to intelligent readers, and +has the advantage of having always been not only up with the times, +but a <i>little in advance</i>. Its popularity shows the result of +enterprise and brains."</p></div> + +<p><b>TERMS.</b>—The <span class="smcap">Journal</span> is published monthly at $2.40 a year, or 20 cents +a Number. To each new subscriber is given either the <span class="smcap">Bust</span> or <span class="smcap">Chart</span> +Premium described above. When the Premiums are sent, 13 cents extra +must be received with each subscription to pay postage on the <span class="smcap">Journal</span> +and the expense of boxing and packing the Bust, which will be sent by +express, or No. 2, a smaller size, or the Chart Premium, will be sent +by mail, post-paid.</p> + +<p>Send amount to P. O. Orders, P. N., Drafts on New York, or in +Registered Letters. Postage-stamps will be received. <span class="smcap">Agents Wanted.</span> +Send 10 cents for specimen Numbers, Premium List, Posters, etc. +Address</p> + +<p><span style="margin-left: 12em;"><b>FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York.</b></span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 450px;"> +<img src="images/img157.jpg" width="450" height="194" alt="Faces in profile" title="" /> +</div> + +<h2>HEADS AND FACES: HOW TO STUDY THEM</h2> + +<div class="center"> +<b>A Complete Manual of<br /> Phrenology and Physiognomy for the People.</b><br /><br /> + +<b>By PROF. NELSON SIZER, and H. S. DRAYTON, M.D.</b><br /><br /> + +<b>Fully illustrated. Octavo, extra cloth, $1.00; paper edition, 40 +cents.</b> +</div> +<hr class="quarter" /> +<p>All claim to know something of <b><i>How to <span class="smcap">READ</span> Character</i></b>, but very few +understand all the <b><i>Signs of Character</i></b> as shown in the <b><i>Head and +Face</i></b>. The subject is one of great importance, and in this work the +authors, Prof. Nelson Sizer, the phrenological examiner at the rooms +of Fowler & Wells Co., and Dr. H. S. Drayton, the editor of the +<i>Phrenological Journal</i>, have considered it from a practical +standpoint, and the subject is so simplified as to be of great +interest and easily understood.</p> + +<p>The demand for standard publications of low price has increased +greatly with the tendency of many bookmakers to meet it. Popular +editions of the poets, historians, scientists have fallen in line with +the hundreds and thousands of cheap editions of the better classes of +novels; and now, in response to the often-expressed want of the +studious and curious, we have this voluminous yet very low-priced +treatise on "Heads and Faces" from the point of view of Phrenology, +Physiognomy, and Physiology. Although so low-priced, as we have noted +above, it is no flimsy, patched-up volume, but a careful, honest work, +replete with instruction, fresh in thought, suggestive and inspiring. +There are nearly two hundred illustrations, exhibiting a great variety +of faces, human and animal, and many other interesting features of the +much-sided subject that is considered. Taken at length it is one of +the most complete books on face-study that has been issued by its +publishers, and is a book that must create a demand wherever it is +seen. The style in which it has been produced, the excellent paper, +good presswork, numerous illustrations, and elegant, engaging cover, +make it a phenomenon even in this cheap book day. Sent by mail, +post-paid, on receipt of price, 40 cts. <span class="smcap">Agents Wanted.</span></p> + +<p><span style="margin-left: 6em;">Address, <b>FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York.</b></span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span></p> +<h3>A NEW BOOK.</h3> + +<h2><br />HEALTH IN THE HOUSEHOLD;<br /> + +<span class="small">OR,</span><br /> + +HYGIENIC COOKERY.</h2> +<hr class="quarter" /> +<div class="center"><b>By SUSANNA W. DODDS, M.D.</b></div> +<hr class="quarter" /> +<div class="center">One large 12mo vol., 600 pp., extra cloth or oil-cloth. Price. $2.00.</div> +<hr class="half" /> + +<p>The author of this work is specially qualified for her task, as she is +both a physician and a practical housekeeper. It is unquestionably the +best work written on the healthful preparation of food, and should be +in the hands of every housekeeper who wishes to prepare food +healthfully and palatably. The best way and the reason why are given. +It is complete in every department. To show something of what is +thought of this work we copy a few brief extracts from the many.</p> + + +<h3>NOTICES OF THE PRESS.</h3> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"This work contains a great deal of excellent advice about wholesome +food and gives directions for preparing many dishes in a way that will +make luxuries for the palate out of many simple productions of Nature +which are now lost by a vicious cookery."—<i>Home Journal.</i></p> + +<p>"Another book on cookery, and one that appears to be fully the equal +in all respects and superior to many of its predecessors. Simplicity +is sought to be blended with science, economy with all the enjoyments +of the table, and health and happiness with an ample household +liberally. Every purse and every taste will find in Mrs. Dodds' book, +material within its means of grasp for efficient kitchen +administration."—<i>N. Y. Star.</i></p> + +<p>"The book can not fail to be of great value in every household to +those who will intelligently appreciate the author's stand-point. And +there are but few who will not concede that it would be a public +benefit if our people generally would become better informed as to the +better mode of living than the author intends."—<i>Scientific +American.</i></p> + +<p>"She evidently knows what she is writing about, and her book is +eminently practical upon every page. It is more than a book of recipes +for making soups, and pies, and cake; it is a educator of how to make +the home the abode of healthful people."—<i>The Daily Inter-Ocean</i>, +Chicago, Ill.</p> + +<p>"The book is a good one, and should be given a place in every +well-regulated <i>cuisine</i>."—<i>Indianapolis Journal.</i></p> + +<p>"As a comprehensive work on the subject of healthful cookery, there is +no other in print which is superior, and which brings the subject so +clearly and squarely to the understanding of an average +housekeeper."—<i>Methodist Recorder.</i></p> + +<p>"In this book Dr. Dodds deals with the whole subject scientifically, +and yet has made her instructions entirely practical. This book will +certainly prove useful, and if its precepts could be universally +followed, without doubt human life would be considerably +lengthened."—<i>Springfield Union.</i></p> + +<p>"Here is a cook-book prepared by an educated lady physician. It seems +to be a very sensible addition to the voluminous literature on this +subject, which ordinarily has little reference to the hygienic +character of the preparations which are described."—<i>Zion's Herald.</i></p> + +<p>"This one seems to us to be most sensible and practical, while yet +based upon scientific principles—in short, the best. If it were in +every household, there would be far less misery in the world."—<i>South +and West.</i></p> + +<p>"There is much good sense in the book, and there is plenty of occasion +for attacking the ordinary methods of cooking, as well as the common +style of diet."—<i>Morning Star.</i></p> + +<p>"She sets forth the why and wherefore of cookery, and devotes the +larger portion of the work to those articles essential to good blood, +strong bodies, and vigorous minds."—<i>New Haven Register.</i></p></div> + +<p>The work will be sent to any address, by mail, post-paid, on receipt +of price, $2.00. <span class="smcap">Agents Wanted</span>, to whom special terms will be given. +Send for terms. Address</p> + +<p><span style="margin-left: 12em;"><b>FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York.</b></span></p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/img159.jpg" width="500" height="505" alt="Phrenological chart" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class="center">Names of the Faculties.</div> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">1. <span class="smcap">Amativeness.</span>—Connubial love, affection.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">A. <span class="smcap">Conjugal Love.</span>—Union for life, pairing instinct.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">2. <span class="smcap">Parental Love.</span>—Care of offspring, and all young.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">3. <span class="smcap">Friendship.</span>—Sociability, union of friends.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">4. <span class="smcap">Inhabitiveness.</span>—Love of home and country.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">5. <span class="smcap">Continuity.</span>—Application, consecutiveness.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">A. <span class="smcap">Vitativeness.</span>—Clinging to life, tenacity.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">6. <span class="smcap">Combativeness.</span> Defense, courage.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">7. <span class="smcap">Destructiveness.</span>—Executiveness.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">8. <span class="smcap">Alimentiveness.</span>—Appetite for food, etc.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">9. <span class="smcap">Acquisitiveness.</span>—Frugality, economy.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">10. <span class="smcap">Secretiveness.</span>—Self-control, policy.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">11. <span class="smcap">Cautiousness.</span>—Guardedness, safety.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">12. <span class="smcap">Approbativeness.</span>—Love of applause.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">13. <span class="smcap">Self-esteem.</span>—Self-respect, dignity.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">14. <span class="smcap">Firmness.</span>—Stability, perseverance.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">15. <span class="smcap">Conscientiousness.</span>—Sense of right.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">16. <span class="smcap">Hope.</span>—Expectation, anticipation.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">17. <span class="smcap">Spirituality.</span>—Intuition, prescience.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">18. <span class="smcap">Veneration.</span>—Worship, adoration.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">19. <span class="smcap">Benevolence.</span>—Sympathy, kindness.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">20. <span class="smcap">Constructiveness.</span>—Ingenuity, tools.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">21. <span class="smcap">Ideality.</span>—<i>Taste</i>, love of beauty, poetry.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">B. <span class="smcap">Sublimity.</span>—Love of the grand, vast.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">22. <span class="smcap">Imitation.</span>—Copying, aptitude.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">23. <span class="smcap">Mirth.</span>—Fun, wit, ridicule, facetiousness.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">24. <span class="smcap">Individuality.</span>—Observation, to see.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">25. <span class="smcap">Form.</span>—Memory, <i>shape</i>, looks, persons.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">26. <span class="smcap">Size.</span>—Measurement of quantity.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">27. <span class="smcap">Weight.</span>—Control of motion, balancing.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">28. <span class="smcap">Color.</span>—Discernment, and love of color.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">29. <span class="smcap">Order.</span>—<i>Method</i>, system, going by <i>rule</i>.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">30. <span class="smcap">Calculation.</span>—Mental arithmetic.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">31. <span class="smcap">Locality.</span>—Memory of place, position.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">32. <span class="smcap">Eventuality.</span>—Memory of facts, events.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">33. <span class="smcap">Time.</span>—Telling <i>when</i>, time of day, dates.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">34. <span class="smcap">Tune.</span>—Love of music, singing.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">35. <span class="smcap">Language.</span>—<i>Expression</i> by words, acts.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">36. <span class="smcap">Causality.</span>—<i>Planning</i>, thinking.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">37. <span class="smcap">Comparison.</span>—Analysis, inferring.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">C. <span class="smcap">Human Nature.</span>—Sagacity.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 12.5em;">D. <span class="smcap">Suavity.</span>—<i>Pleasantness</i>, blandness.</span><br /> +</p> + +<hr class="quarter" /> + +<p>For complete definitions of all the organs of the <span class="smcap">brain</span>, and the +features of the <span class="smcap">face</span>, see <b>New Physiognomy</b> by <span class="smcap">S. R. Wells</span>, with 1,000 +Illustrations. Price, post-paid, $5, $8, and $10, according to styles +of binding.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span></p> +<h3>"<span class="smcap">Education Complete.</span>"</h3> + +<div class="adquot"><p><b>Education and Self-Improvement Complete.</b>—Comprising +Physiology—Animal and Mental: Self-Culture and Perfection of +Character: including the Management of Youth: Memory and Intellectual +Improvement. Complete in one large, well-bound 12mo volume, with 855 +pp., and upward Seventy Engravings. Price, pre-paid, by mail. $3</p></div> + +<p>This work is, in all respects, one of the best educational hand-books +in the English language. Any system of education that neglects the +training and developing all that goes to make up a <span class="smcap">Man</span>, must +necessarily be incomplete. The mind and body are so intimately related +and connected that it is impossible to cultivate the former without it +is properly supplemented by the latter. The work is subdivided into +three departments—the first devoted to the preservation and +restoration of health and the improvement of mentality; the second to +the regulation of the feelings and perfection of the moral character; +and the third, to the intellectual cultivation. "<span class="smcap">Education Complete</span>" +is a library in itself, and covers the <span class="smcap">entire Nature of Man</span>. We append +below a synopsis of the table of contents:</p> + + +<h4>HEALTH OF BODY AND POWER OF MIND.</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">Physiology—Animal and Mental Health—its Laws and Preservation.</span> +Happiness constitutional; Pain not necessary; Object of all Education; +Reciprocation existing between Body and Mind; Health defined; +Sickness—not providential.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Food—its Necessity and Selection.</span>—Unperverted Appetite an Infallible +Directory; Different Diets Feed Different Powers; How to Eat—or +Mastication. Quantity, Time, etc.; How Appetite can be Restrained; The +Digestive Process; Exercise after Meals.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Circulation, Respiration, Perspiration, Sleep.</span>—The Heart, its +Structure and Office; The Circulatory System; The Lungs, their +Structure and Functions; Respiration, and its importance; +Perspiration; Prevention and Cure of Colds, and their consequences; +Regulation of Temperature by Fire and Clothing; Sleep.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">The Brain and Nervous System.</span>—Position, Function, and Structure of +the Brain; Consciousness or the seat of the soul; Function of the +Nerves; How to seep the Nervous system in Health; The Remedy of +Diseases; Observance of the Laws of Health Effectual; The Drink of +Dyspeptics—its kind, times and quantity; Promotion of Circulation; +Consumption—its Prevention and Cure; Preventives of Insanity, etc.</p> + + +<h4>SELF-CULTURE AND PERFECTION OF CHARACTER.</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">Constituent Elements or Condition of Perfection of +Character.</span>—Progression a Law of Things—its application to human +improvement; Human perfectibility,—the harmonious action of all the +faculties; Governing the propensities by the intellectual and moral +faculties. Proof that the organs can be enlarged and diminished; The +proper management of Youth, etc.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Analysis and Means of Strengthening of the Faculties.</span>—Amativeness; +Philoprogenitiveness; Adhesiveness; Union for Life; Inhabitiveness; +Continuity; Vitativeness; Combativeness; Destructiveness, or +Executiveness; Alimentiveness; Aquativeness, or Bibativeness; +Acquisitiveness; Secretiveness; Cautiousness; Approbativeness; +Self-Esteem; Firmness. Conscientiousness; Hope; Spirituality— +Marvelousness; Veneration; Benevolence; Constructiveness; Ideality; +Sublimity; Initiation; Mirthfulness; Agreeableness—with engraved +illustrations.</p> + + +<h4>MEMORY AND INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT APPLIED TO SELF-EDUCATION.</h4> + +<p><span class="smcap">Classification and Function of the Faculties.</span>—Man's superiority; +Intellect his crowning endowment; How to strengthen and improve the +Memory; Definition, location, analysis, and means of the strengthening +the intellectual faculties. <span class="smcap">Individuality.</span> <span class="smcap">Form.</span> <span class="smcap">Size.</span> <span class="smcap">Weight.</span> <span class="smcap">Color.</span> +<span class="smcap">Order.</span> <span class="smcap">Calculation.</span> <span class="smcap">Locality.</span> <span class="smcap">Eventuality.</span> <span class="smcap">Time.</span> <span class="smcap">Tune</span>: Influence of +Music. <span class="smcap">Language</span>: Power of Eloquence & Good Language. <span class="smcap">Phonography</span>: its +advantages. <span class="smcap">Causality</span>: Teaching others to think; Astronomy; Anatomy +and Physiology; Study of Nature. <span class="smcap">Comparison</span>: Inductive reasoning. +<span class="smcap">Human Nature</span>: Adaptation.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Developments Requiring for Particular Avocations.</span>—Good Teachers; +Clergymen; Physician; Lawyers; Statesmen; Editors; Authors; Public +Speakers; Poets; Lecturers; Merchants; Mechanics; Artists; Painters; +Farmers; Engineers; Landlords; Printers; Milliners; Seamstresses; +Fancy Workers, and the like.</p> + +<p>Full and explicit directions are given for the cultivation and +direction of all the powers of the mind, instruction for finding the +exact location of each organ, and its relative size compared with +others.</p> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span></p> +<h2><span class="medium">WORKS PUBLISHED BY</span><br /><br /> + +FOWLER & WELLS CO., New York.</h2> + +<hr class="quarter" /> + +<h3>PHRENOLOGY AND PHYSIOGNOMY.</h3> + +<p><b>Phrenological Journal and Science of Health</b>—Devoted to Ethnology, +Physiology, Phrenology, Physiognomy, Psychology, Sociology, Biography, +Education, Literature, etc., with Measures to Reform, Elevate and +Improve Mankind Physically, Mentally and Spiritually. Monthly, $2.00 a +year; 20c. a number. Bound vols. $3.00</p> + + +<p><b>Expression</b>: its Anatomy and Philosophy. Illustrated by Sir Charles +Bell. Additional Notes and Illustrations by <span class="smcap">Samuel R. Wells</span>. $1.</p> + +<p><b>Education of the Feelings and Affections.</b> Charles Bray. Edited by +<span class="smcap">Nelson Sizer</span>. Cloth, $1.50.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>This work gives full and definite directions for the +cultivation or restraining of all the faculties relating to the +feelings or affections.</p></div> + + +<p><b>Combe's System of Phrenology</b>; With 100 Engravings. $1.25.</p> + + +<p><b>Combe's Constitution of Man</b>; Considered in Relation to external +objects. With twenty engravings, and portrait of author. $1.25.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>The "Constitution of Man" is a work with which every teacher +and every pupil should be acquainted.</p></div> + + +<p><b>Combe's Lectures on Phrenology</b>; with Notes, an Essay on the +Phrenological Mode of Investigation, and an Historical Sketch, by <span class="smcap">A. +Boardman</span>, M.D. $1.25.</p> + + +<p><b>Combe's Moral Philosophy</b>; or, the Duties of Man considered in his +Individual, Domestic, and Social Capacities. $1.25.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Study Character; or, the True Basis for the Science of Mind</b>. +Including a Review of Bain's Criticism of Phrenology. By Thos. A. +Hyde. 50c.; clo. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>New Descriptive Chart</b>, for the Use of examiners in the Delineation of +Character. By S. R. Wells. 25c.</p> + + +<p><b>New Physiognomy; or Signs of Character</b>, as manifested through +Temperament and External Forms, and especially in the "Human Face +Divine." With more than One Thousand Illustrations. By Samuel R. +Wells. In one 12mo volume, 768 pages, muslin, $5.00; in heavy calf, +marbled edges, $8.00; Turkey morocco, full gilt, $10.00.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"The treatise of Mr. Wells, which is admirably printed and +profusely illustrated, is probably the most complete hand-book +upon the subject in the language."—<i>N. Y. Tribune.</i></p></div> + + +<p><b>How to read Character.</b>—A new illustrated Hand-book of Phrenology and +Physiognomy, for Students and Examiners, with a chart for recording +the sizes of the different Organs of the brain in the Delineation of +Character; with upward of 170 Engravings. By S. R. Wells. $1.25.</p> + + +<p><b>Wedlock; or, the Right Relations of the Sexes</b>. Disclosing the Laws of +Conjugal Selection, and showing Who May Marry. By S. R. Wells. $1.50; +gilt, $2.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Brain and Mind</b>; or Mental Science Considered in Accordance with the +Principles of Phrenology and in Relation to Modern Physiology. <span class="smcap">H. S. +Drayton M.D., and J. McNeill.</span> $1.50.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>This is the latest and best work published. It constitutes a +complete text-book of Phrenology, is profusely illustrated, and +will adapted to the use of students.</p></div> + + +<p><b>Indications of Character</b>, as manifested in the general shape of the +head and form of the face. <span class="smcap">H. S. Drayton, M.D.</span> Illus. 25c.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Study Phrenology.</b>—With Suggestions to Students, Lists of Best +Works, Constitutions for Societies, etc. 12mo, paper, 10c.</p> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span></p> + +<p><b>Choice of Pursuits: or, What to Do and Why</b> . Describing Seventy-five +Trades and Professions, and the Temperaments and Talents required for +each. With Portraits and Biographies of many successful Thinkers and +Workers. By Nelson Sizer. $1.75.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Teach According to Temperament and Mental Development</b> ; or, +Phrenology in the Schoolroom and the Family. By Nelson Sizer. +Illustrated. $1.50.</p> + + +<p><b>Forty Years in Phrenology.</b>—Embracing Recollections of History, +Anecdotes and Experience. $1.50.</p> + + +<p><b>Thoughts on Domestic Life; or,</b> Marriage Vindicated and Free Love +Exposed. 25c.</p> + + +<p><b>Cathechism of Phrenology.—Illustrating</b> the Principles of the Science +by means of Questions and Answers. Revised and enlarged by Nelson +Sizer. 50c.</p> + + +<p><b>Heads and Faces: How to Study Them</b> . A Complete Manual of Phrenology +and Physiognomy for the People. By Prof. Nelson Sizer and H. S. +Drayton, M.D. Nearly 200 octavo pages and 200 illustrations, price in +paper, 40c.; ex. clo. $1.00.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>All claim to know something of How to Read Character but very +few understand all the Signs of Character as shown in the Head +and Face. This is a study of which one never tires; it is +always fresh, for you have always new text books. The book is +really a great Album of Portraits, and will be found of +interest for the illustrations alone.</p></div> + + +<p><b>Memory and Intellectual Improvement</b>, applied to Self-Education and +Juvenile Instruction. By <span class="smcap">O. S. Fowler</span>. $1.00.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>The best work on the subject.</p></div> + + +<p><b>Hereditary Descent.</b>—Its Laws and Facts applied to Human Improvement. +By O. S Fowler. Illustrated. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>The Science of the Mind applied to Teaching</b> : Including the Human +Temperaments and their influence upon the Mind; The Analysis of the +Mental Faculties and how to develop and train them; The Theory of +Education and of the School, and Normal Methods of teaching the common +English branches. By Prof. <span class="smcap">U. J. Hoffman</span>. Profusely illustrated. +$1.50.</p> + + +<p><b>Reminiscences of Dr. Spurzheim and George Combe</b> and a Review of the +Science of Phrenology from the period of its discovery by Dr. <span class="smcap">Gali</span> to +the time of the visit of <span class="smcap">George Combe</span> to the United States, with a +portrait of Dr. <span class="smcap">Spurzheim</span>, by <span class="smcap">Nahem Capen</span>, LL.D. Ex. clo. $1.25.</p> + + +<p><b>Education and Self-Improvement Complete</b> : Comprising "Physiology, +Animal and Mental," "Self-culture and Perfection of Character," +"Memory and Intellectual Improvement." By <span class="smcap">O. S. Fowler</span>. One large vol. +Illus. $3.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Self-Culture and Perfection of Character</b> ; Including the Management of +Children and Youth. $1.00.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>One of the best of the author's works.</p></div> + + +<p><b>Physiology, Animal and Mental:</b> Applied to the Preservation and +Restoration of Health of Body and Power of Mind. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Phrenology Proved, Illustrated and Applied</b> . Embracing an Analysis of +the Primary Mental Powers in their Various Degrees of Development, and +location of the Phrenological Organs. The Mental Phenomena produced by +their combined action, and the location of the faculties amply +illustrated. By the Fowler Brothers. $1.25.</p> + + +<p><b>Self-Instructor in Phrenology and Physiology</b> . With over One Hundred +Engravings and a Chart for Phrenologists, for the Recording of +Phrenological Development. By the Fowler Brothers. 75c.</p> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span></p> + +<p><b>Phrenological Miscellany of Illustrated Annuals of Phrenology and +Physiognomy</b> , from 1865 to 1873 combined in one volume containing over +400 illustrations, many portraits and biographies of distinguished +personages. $1.50</p> + + +<p><b>Redfield's Comparative Physiognomy</b>; or resemblances Between Men and +Animals, Illustrated. $2.50</p> + + +<p><b>Phrenology and the Scriptures.</b>—Showing the Harmony between Phrenology +and the Bible. 15 cents.</p> + + +<p><b>Phrenological Chart.</b> A symbolical Head 12 inches across, Lithographed +in colors, on paper 19 × 24 inches, mounted for hanging on the wall, +or suitable for framing. $1.00</p> + + +<p><b>Education: Its Elementary Principles Founded on the Nature of Man</b> . By +J. G. Spurzheim, $1.25</p> + + +<p><b>Natural Laws of Man.</b>—A Philosophical Catechism. Sixth Edition. +Enlarged and improved by J. G. Spurzheim, M.D. 50 cents.</p> + + +<p><b>Lectures on Mental Science.</b>—According to the philosophy of +Phrenology. Delivered before the Anthropological Society. By Rev. G. +S. Weaver. Illustrated. $1.00</p> + + +<p><b>Phrenological Bust.</b>—Showing the latest classification and exact +location of the Organs of the Brain. It is divided so as to show each +individual Organ on one side; with all the groups Social, Executive, +Intellectual and Moral, classified on the other. Large size (not +mailable) $1. Small 50 cents.</p> + + +<h3>WORKS ON MAGNETISM.</h3> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>There is an increasing interest in the facts relating to Magnetism, +etc., and we present below a list of Works on this subject.</p></div> + + +<p><b>Library of Mesmerism and Psychology.</b>—Comprising the Philosophy of +Mesmerism, Clairvoyance, Mental Electricity.—<span class="smcap">Fascination</span>, or the +Power of Charming. Illustrating the Principles of Life in connection +with Spirit and Matter.—<span class="smcap">The Macrocosm</span> or the Universe Without, being +an unfolding of the plan of Creation and the Correspondence of +Truths.—<span class="smcap">The Philosophy of Electrical Psychology</span>; the Doctrine of +impressions, including the connection between Mind and Matter, also, +the Treatment of Diseases.—<span class="smcap">Psychology</span> or the Science of the Soul, +considered Physiologically and Philosophically; with an Appendix +containing Notes of Mesmeric and Psychical experience and +Illustrations of the Brain and Nervous System. $3.50.</p> + + +<p><b>Philosophy of Mesmerism.</b>—By Dr. John Bovee Dods. 50 cents.</p> + + +<p><b>Philosophy of Electrical Psychology.</b> A course of Twelve Lectures. +$1.00</p> + + +<p><b>Practical Instructions in Animal Magnetism</b> . By J. P. F. Deleuze. +Translated by Thomas C. Hartshorn. New and Revised edition, with an +appendix of notes by the Translator and Letters from Eminent +Physicians and others. $2.00</p> + + +<p><b>History of Salem Witchcraft.</b>—A review of Charles W. Upham's great +Work from the <i>Edinburgh Review</i>, with Notes by Samuel R. Wells +containing also, The Planchette Mystery, Spiritualism, by Mrs. Harriet +Beecher Stowe, and Dr. Doddridge's Dream. $1.00</p> + + +<p><b>Fascination: or, the Philosophy of Charming</b> . Illustrating the +Principles of Life in connection with Spirit and Matter. By J. B. +Newman, M.D. $1.00</p> + + +<p><b>How to Magnetize, or Magnetism and Clairvoyance</b> .—A Practical Treatise +on the Choice, Management and Capabilities of Subjects, with +Instructions on the Method of Procedure. By J. V. Wilson. 25c.</p> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span></p> +<h3>HEALTH BOOKS.</h3> + +<div class="center"><i>This List Comprises the Best Works on Hygiene, Health, Etc.</i></div> + + +<p><b>Health in the Household or Hygienic Cookery</b> ; by Susanna W. Dodds, M.D. +12mo. ex. clo. $2.00.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>A novice in housekeeping will not be puzzled by this admirable +book, it is so simple, systematic, practical and withal +productive of much household pleasure, not only by means of the +delicious food prepared from its recipes, but through the +saving of labor and care to the housewife.</p></div> + + +<p><b>Household Remedies.</b>—For the prevalent Disorders of the Human +Organism, by Felix Oswald, M.D. 12mo. pp. 229 $1.00.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>The author of this work is one of the keenest and most critical +writers on medical subjects now before the public. He writes +soundly and practically. He is an enthusiastic apostle of the +gospel of hygiene. We predict that his book will win many +converts to the faith and prove a valuable aid to those who are +already of the faith but are asking for "more light."</p> + +<p>Among the special ailments herein considered are Consumption, +Asthma, Dyspepsia, Climatic Fevers, Enteric Disorders, Nervous +Maladies, Catarrh, Pleurisy, etc.</p></div> + + +<p><b>The Temperaments</b>, or <span class="smcap">Varieties of Physical Constitution in Man</span>, +considered in their relation to Mental Character and Practical Affairs +of Life. With an Introduction by H. S. Drayton, A. M. Editor of the +<span class="smcap">Phrenological Journal</span>. 150 Portraits and other illustrations, by D. H. +Jacques, M.D. $1.50.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Grow Handsome</b>, or <span class="smcap">Hints toward Physical Perfection</span> and the +Philosophy of Human Beauty, showing How to Acquire and Retain Bodily +Symmetry, Health and Vigor, secure long life and avoid the infirmities +and deformities of age. New Edition, $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Medical Electricity.</b>—A Manual for Students, showing the most +Scientific and Rational Application to all forms of Diseases, of the +different combinations of Electricity, Galvanism, Electro-Magnetism. +Magneto-Electricity, and Human Magnetism, by W. White, M.D. $1.50.</p> + + +<p><b>The Man Wonderful in the House Beautiful</b> .—An allegory teaching the +Principles of Physiology and Hygiene, and the effects of Stimulants +and Narcotics, by Drs. C. B. and Mary A. Allen. $1.50.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>To all who enjoy studies pertaining to the human body this book +will prove a boon. The accomplished physician, the gentle +mother, the modest girl, and the wide-awake school-boy will +find pleasure in its perusal. It is wholly unlike any book +previously published on the subject, and is such a thorough +teacher that progressive parents cannot afford to do without +it.</p></div> + + +<p><b>The Family Physician.</b>—A Ready Prescriber and Hygienic Advisor With +Reference to the Nature, Causes, Prevention and Treatment of Diseases, +Accidents and Casualties of every kind with a Glossary and copious +index. Illustrated with nearly three hundred engravings, by Joel Shaw, +M.D. $3.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Feed the Baby to Make her Healthy and Happy</b> , by C. E. Page, M.D. +12mo. third edition, revised and enlarged. Paper, 50c. extra cloth. +75c.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>This is the most important work ever published on the subject +of infant dietetics.</p></div> + + +<p><b>The Natural Cure of Consumption</b>, Constipation, Bright's Disease, +Neuralgia, Rheumatism, Colds, Fevers, etc. How these Disorders +Originate and How to Prevent Them. By C. E. Page, M.D. cloth, $1.00</p> + + +<p><b>Horses</b>, <span class="smcap">their Feed and their Feet</span>. A Manual of Horse Hygiene. +Invaluable to the veteran or the novice, pointing out the true sources +of disease, and how to prevent and counteract them. By C. E. Page, +M.D. Paper 50c.; cloth 75c.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>This is the best book on the care of horses ever published, +worth many times its cost to every horse owner.</p></div> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span></p> + +<p><b>The Movement Cure.</b>—The History and Philosophy, of this System of +Medical Treatment, with examples of Single Movements, The Principles +of Massage, and directions for their Use in various Forms of Chronic +Diseases. New edition by G. H. Taylor, M.D. $1.50.</p> + + +<p><b>Massage.</b>—Giving the Principles and directions for its application in +all Forms of Chronic Diseases, by G. H. Taylor, M.D. $1.00</p> + + +<p><b>The Science of a New Life.</b>—By John Cowan, M.D. Ex. clo. $3.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Tobacco</b>: <span class="smcap">Its Physical, Intellectual and Moral Effects on the Human +System</span>, by Dr. Alcott. New and revised edition with notes and +additions by N. Sizer. 25c.</p> + + +<p><b>Sober and Temperate Life.</b>—The Discourses and Letters of Louis Corbaro +on a Sober and Temperate Life. 50c.</p> + + +<p><b>Smoking and Drinking.</b> By James Parton. 50c.; cloth. 75c.</p> + + +<p><b>Food and Diet.</b> With observations on the Dietetical Regimen, suited for +Disordered States of the Digestive Organs, by J. Pereira, M.D., F.R.S. +$1.50.</p> + + +<p><b>Principles Applied to the Preservation of Health</b> and the improvement +of Physical and Mental Education, by Andrew Combe, M.D. Illustrated, +cloth, $1.50.</p> + + +<p><b>Water Cure In Chronic Diseases.</b> An Exposition of the Causes, Progress, +and Termination of various Chronic Diseases of the Digestive Organs, +Lungs, Nerves. Limbs and Skin, and of their Treatment by Water and +other hygienic Means. By J. M. Gully, M.D. $1.25.</p> + + +<p><b>Science of Human Life.</b> With a copious Index and Biographical Sketch of +the author, Sylvester Graham. Illustrated, $3.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Management of Infancy, Physiological and Moral Treatment</b>. With Notes +and a Supplementary Chapter. $1.25.</p> + + +<p><b>Diet Question.</b>—Giving the Reason Why, from "Health in the Household." +by S. W. Dodds, M.D. 25c.</p> + + +<p><b>Health Miscellany.</b>—An important collection of Health Papers. Nearly +100 octavo pages. 25c.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Be Well, or Common Sense Medical Hygiene</b>. A book for the +People, giving directions for the Treatment and Cure of Acute Diseases +without the use of Drug Medicines; also General Hints on Health. $1.00</p> + + +<p><b>Foreordained.</b>—A Story of Heredity and of Special Paternal Influences, +by an Observer. 12mo. pp. 90. Paper, 50c.; extra cloth, 75c.</p> + + +<p><b>Consumption</b>, its Prevention and Cure by the Movement Cure. 25c.</p> + + +<p><b>Notes on Beauty, Vigor and Development</b>; or, How to Acquire Plumpness +of Form, Strength of Limb and Beauty of Complexion. Illustrated. 10c.</p> + + +<p><b>Tea and Coffee.</b>—Their Physical, Intellectual and Moral Effects on the +Human System, by Dr. Alcott. NEW and revised edition with notes and +additions by Nelson Sizer. 25c.</p> + + +<p><b>Accidents and Emergencies</b>, a guide containing Directions for the +Treatment in Bleeding, Cuts. Sprains, Ruptures, Dislocations. Burns +and Scalds. Bites of Mad Dogs. Choking, Poisons, Fits, Sunstrokes, +Drowning, etc., by Alfred Smee, with Notes and additions by R. T. +Trall, M.D. New and revised edition. 25c.</p> + + +<p><b>Special List.</b>—We have in addition to the above, Private Medical Works +and Treatises. This Special List will be sent on receipt of stamp.</p> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span></p> +<h3>WORKS ON HYGIENE BY R. T. TRALL, M.D.</h3> + +<div class="center"><i>These works may be considered standard from the reformatory<br /> hygienic +standpoint. Thousands of people owe their<br /> lives and good health to +their teaching.</i></div> + +<p><b>Hydropathic Encyclopedia.</b>—A System of Hydropathy and Hygiene. +Physiology of the Human Body; Dietetics and Hydropathic Cookery; +Theory and Practice of Water Treatment; Special Pathology and +Hydro-Therapeutics, including the Nature, Causes, Symptoms and +Treatment of all known diseases; Application of Hydropathy to +Midwifery and the Nursery with nearly One Thousand Pages including a +Glossary. 2 vols. in one $4.</p> + + +<p><b>Hygienic Hand-Book.</b>—Intended as a Practical Guide for the Sick-room. +Arranged alphabetically. $1.25.</p> + + +<p><b>Illustrated Family Gymnasium.</b>—Containing the most improved methods of +applying Gymnastic, Callisthenic, Kinesipathic and Vocal Exercises to +the Development of the Bodily Organs, the invigoration of their +functions, the preservation of Health and the Cure of Diseases and +Deformities. $1.25.</p> + + +<p><b>The Hydropathic Cook-Book</b>, with Recipes for Cooking on Hygienic +Principles. Containing also a Philosophical Exposition of the +Relations of Food to Health, the Chemical Elements and Proximate +Constitution of Alimentary Principles; the Nutritive Properties of all +kinds of Aliments; the Relative value of Vegetable and Animal +Substances; the Selection and Preservation of Dietetic Material, etc. +$1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Fruits and Farinacea: the Proper Food of Man</b>.—Being an attempt to +prove by History, Anatomy, Physiology and Chemistry that the Original, +Natural and Best Diet of Man is derived from the Vegetable Kingdom. By +John Smith. With Notes by Trall. $1.25.</p> + + +<p><b>Digestion and Dyspepsia.</b>—A Complete Explanation of the Physiology of +the Digestive Processes, with the Symptoms and Treatment of Dyspepsia +and other Disorders. Illustrated. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>The Mother's Hygiene Hand-Book</b> for the Normal Development and Training +of Women and Children, and the Treatment of their Diseases. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Popular Physiology.</b>—A Familiar Exposition of the Structures, +Functions and Relations of the Human System and the Preservation of +Health. $1.25.</p> + + +<p><b>The True Temperance Platform.</b>—An Exposition of the Fallacy of +Alcoholic Medication. 50 cents.</p> + + +<p><b>The Alcoholic Controversy.</b>—A Review of the <i>Westminster Review</i> on +the Physiological Errors of Teetotalism. 50 cents.</p> + + +<p><b>The Human Voice.</b>—Its Anatomy, Physiology, Pathology, Therapeutics and +Training, with Rules of Order for Lyceums. 50 cents.</p> + + +<p><b>The True Healing Art</b>: <span class="smcap">or Hygienic</span> <i>vs.</i> Drug Medication. An Address +delivered before the Smithsonian Institute, Washington. D. C. 25 cts.; +clo., 50 cents.</p> + + +<p><b>Water-Cure for the Million.</b>—The processes of Water Cure Explained. +Rules for Bathing, Dieting, Exercising, Recipes for Cooking, etc., +etc. Directions for Home Treatment. Paper. 15 cts.</p> + + +<p><b>Hygeian Home Cook-Book</b>: <span class="smcap">or Healthful and Palatable Food without +Condiments</span>. 25 cts. clo., 50 cents.</p> + + +<p><b>Diseases of Throat and Lungs.</b>—Including Diphtheria and its Proper +Treatment. 25 cents.</p> + + +<p><b>The Bath.</b>—Its History and Uses in Health and Disease. 35c.; clo., +50c.</p> + + +<p><b>A Health Catechism.</b>—Questions and Answers. With Illus. 10 c.</p> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span></p> +<h3>MISCELLANEOUS WORKS.</h3> + +<p><b>Hand-Books for Home Improvement</b> (<span class="smcap">Educational</span>); comprising, "How to +Write," "How to Talk," "How to Behave," and "How to do Business." One +12mo vol. $2.00.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Write.</b>—A manual of Composition and Letter-Writing. 60c.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Talk.</b>—A Pocket Manual of Conversation and Debate, more than +Five Hundred Common Mistakes in Speaking Corrected. 60c.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Behave.</b>—A Pocket Manual of Republican Etiquette and Guide to +Correct Personal Habits with Rules for Debating Societies and +Deliberative Assemblies. 60c.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Do Business.</b>—A Manual of Practical Affairs and a Guide to +Success in Life, with a Collection of Legal and Commercial Forms. 60c.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Read.</b>—What and Why; or Hints in Choosing the Best Books, with +a Classified List of Best Works in Biography, Criticism, Fine Arts, +History, Novels, Poetry, Science, Religion, Foreign Languages, etc. By +A. V. Petit. Cloth, 60c.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Sing</b>; or, the Voice and How to Use it. By William H. Daniell. +50c.; clo. 75c.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Conduct a Public Meeting</b>; or the Chairman's Guide for +Conducting Meetings. 15c.</p> + + +<p><b>Hopes and Helps for the Young of Both Sexes</b>.—Relating to the +Formation of Character, Choice of Avocation, Health, Amusement, Music, +Conversation, Social Affections, Courtship and Marriage, by Rev G. S. +Weaver. $1.00</p> + + +<p><b>Aims and Aids for Girls and Young Women</b>, on the Various Duties of +Life. Including Physical, Intellectual and Moral Development, Dress, +Beauty, Fashion, Employment, Education, the Home Relations, their +Duties to Young Men, Marriage, Womanhood and Happiness, by the same +$1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Ways of Life</b>, showing the Right Way and the Wrong Way Contrasting the +High Way and the Low Way; the True Way and the False Way; the Upward +Way and the Downward Way; the Way of Honor and of Dishonor, by Rev. G. +S. Weaver. 75c.</p> + + +<p><b>The Christian Household.</b>—Embracing the Husband, Wife, Father, Mother, +Child, Brother and Sister, by Rev. G. S. Weaver. 75c.</p> + + +<p><b>Weaver's Works for the Young</b>, Comprising "Hopes and Helps for the +Young of Both Sexes," "Aims and Aids for Girls and Young Women," "Ways +of Life; or, the Right Way and the Wrong Way." One Vol. 12mo. $2.50</p> + + +<p><b>A Natural System of Elocution and Oratory</b>.—Founded on an analysis of +the Human Constitution, considered in its threefold Nature, Mental, +Physiological and Expressional. By <span class="smcap">Thos. A. Hyde</span> and <span class="smcap">Wm. Hyde</span>. +Illustrated. $2.50.</p> + + +<p><b>The Emphatic Diaglott</b>, Containing the Original Greek Text of <span class="smcap">The New +Testament</span>, with an interlineary Word-for-Word English Translation: a +New Emphatic Version based on the Interlineary Translation, on the +Readings of the Vatican Manuscript, by Benjamin Wilson. 884 pp. $4.00. +ex., $5.00.</p> + + +<p><b>A Bachelor's Talks about Married Life and Things Adjacent</b>, by Rev. +William Aikman, D.D. $1.50</p> + + +<p><b>Life at Home</b>; or The Family and its members. Including Husbands and +Wives, Parents, Children, Brothers, Sisters, Employers and Employed. +The Altar in the House. By Dr. Aikman. $1.50. gilt. $2.00.</p> + + +<p><b>A Lucky Waif.</b>—A story for Mothers, of Home and School Life, by Ellen +E. Kenyon. 12mo. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Oratory—Sacred and Secular</b>; or, the Extemporaneous Speaker, including +a Chairman's Guide for conducting Public Meetings according to the +best Parliamentary forms, by Wm. Pittenger. $1.00.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span></p> +<p><b>The Children of the Bible.</b> By Fanny L. Armstrong, with an Introduction +by Frances E. Willard, Pres. N. W. C. T. U. clo. $1.</p> + + +<p><b>The Temperance Reformation.</b>—Its History from the first Temperance +Society in the U. S. to the Adoption of the Maine Liquor Law. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Æsop's Fables.</b>—With Seventy Splendid Illustrations. One vol. 12mo. +fancy cloth, gilt edges, $1.00</p> + + +<p><b>Pope's Essay on Man</b>, with illustrations and Notes by S. R. Wells, +tinted paper, clo. full gilt. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Gems of Goldsmith</b>; "The Traveler," "The Deserted Village," "The +Hermit." With notes and Original Illustrations, and Biographical +Sketch of the great author. One vol., fancy cloth, full gilt. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.</b> In Seven Parts. By Samuel T. +Coleridge. With new illus. by Chapman, fancy clo., full gilt, $1.00</p> + + +<p><b>Immortality Inherent in Nature.</b> By Sumner Barlow, author of "The +Voices" and other poems, ex. cloth, full gilt. 60c.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Paint.</b>—A Complete Compendium of the Art. Designed for the use +of Tradesmen, Mechanics, Merchants and Farmers, and a Guide to the +Professional Painter. Containing a plain Common sense statement of the +Methods employed by Painters to produce satisfactory results in Plain +and Fancy Painting of every Description including Gilding, Bronzing, +Staining, Graining, Marbling. Varnishing, Polishing, Kalsomining, +Paper Hanging, Striping, Lettering, Copying and Ornamenting, with +Formulas for Mixing Paint in Oil or Water. Description of Various +Pigments used; tools required etc. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Carriage Painter's Illustrated Manual</b>, containing a Treatise on the +Art, Science and Mystery of Coach, Carriage, and Car Painting. +Including the Improvements in Fine Gilding, Bronzing, Staining, +Varnishing, Polishing, Copying, Lettering, Scrolling, and Ornamenting. +By F. B. Gardner. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Keep a Store</b>; embodying the Experience of Thirty Years, in +Merchandizing. By S. H. Terry. $1.50.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Raise Fruit.</b>—A Hand-book. Being a Guide to the Cultivation and +Management of Fruit Trees, and of Grapes and Small Fruits. With +Descriptions of the Best and Most Popular Varieties. Illustrated. By +Thomas Gregg. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>How to be Weather-Wise.</b>—A new View of our Weather System, by I. P. +Noyes. 25c.</p> + + +<p><b>How to Live.</b>—Saving and Wasting; or, Domestic Economy Illustrated by +the Life of two Families of Opposite Character, Habits, and Practices, +Useful Lessons in Housekeeping and Hints How to Live, How to Have, and +How to be Happy including the Story of "A Dime a Day," by Solon +Robinson. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>Homes for All; or the Gravel Wall.</b> A New Cheap and Superior Mode of +Building, adapted to Rich and Poor. Showing the Superiority of the +Gravel Concrete over Brick, Stone and Frame Houses; Manner of Making +and Depositing it. By O. S. Fowler. $1.00.</p> + + +<p><b>The Model Potato.</b>—Proper cultivation and mode of cooking. 30c.</p> + + +<p><b>Three Visits to America</b>, by Emily Faithful. 400 pages. $1.50.</p> + + +<p><b>A New Theory of the Origin of Species</b>. By Benj. G. Farris. $1.50.</p> + + +<p><b>Man in Genesis and in Geology, or</b>, the Biblical Account of Man's +Creation tested by Scientific Theories of his Origin and Antiquity, by +J. P. Thompson, D.D., LL.D. $1.00</p> + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of How To Behave: A Pocket Manual Of +Republican Etiquette, And Guide To Correct Personal Habits, by Samuel R Wells + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOW TO BEHAVE *** + +***** This file should be named 26597-h.htm or 26597-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/6/5/9/26597/ + +Produced by Bryan Ness, Karen Dalrymple, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images from the Mann Library, Cornell +University.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: How To Behave: A Pocket Manual Of Republican Etiquette, And Guide To Correct Personal Habits + Embracing An Exposition Of The Principles Of Good Manners; + Useful Hints On The Care Of The Person, Eating, Drinking, + Exercise, Habits, Dress, Self-Culture, And Behavior At + Home; The Etiquette Of Salutations, Introductions, + Receptions, Visits, Dinners, Evening Parties, Conversation, + Letters, Presents, Weddings, Funerals, The Street, The + Church, Places Of Amusement, Traveling, Etc., With + Illustrative Anecdotes, a Chapter on Love and Courtship, + and Rules of Order for Debating Societies + +Author: Samuel R Wells + +Release Date: September 12, 2008 [EBook #26597] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOW TO BEHAVE *** + + + + +Produced by Bryan Ness, Karen Dalrymple, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images from the Mann Library, Cornell +University.) + + + + + + + +_HAND-BOOKS FOR HOME IMPROVEMENT--No. III_ + + + + +HOW TO BEHAVE + +A POCKET MANUAL + +OF + +Republican Etiquette, + +AND + +GUIDE TO CORRECT PERSONAL HABITS, + +EMBRACING + +AN EXPOSITION OF THE PRINCIPLES OF GOOD MANNERS; USEFUL HINTS ON THE +CARE OF THE PERSON, EATING, DRINKING, EXERCISE, HABITS, DRESS, +SELF-CULTURE, AND BEHAVIOR AT HOME; THE ETIQUETTE OF SALUTATIONS, +INTRODUCTIONS, RECEPTIONS, VISITS, DINNERS, EVENING PARTIES, +CONVERSATION, LETTERS, PRESENTS, WEDDINGS, FUNERALS, THE STREET, THE +CHURCH, PLACES OF AMUSEMENT, TRAVELING, ETC., + +WITH + +Illustrative Anecdotes, a Chapter on Love and Courtship, and Rules of +Order for Debating Societies. + + +[Signature: Samuel R. (Roberts) Wells] + + + The air and manner which we neglect, as little things, are + frequently what the world judges us by, and makes them decide + for or against us.--_La Bruyere._ Order my steps in thy + word.--_Bible._ + + + NEW YORK: + FOWLER & WELLS CO., PUBLISHERS, + 753 BROADWAY. + 1887. + + + ENTERED, ACCORDING TO ACT OF CONGRESS IN THE YEAR 1857 BY + + FOWLER AND WELLS + + IN THE CLERK'S OFFICE OF THE DISTRICT COURT OF THE UNITED + STATES FOR THE SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF NEW YORK + + + + +CONTENTS + + +INTRODUCTION + + Politeness Defined--The Foundation of Good Manners--The Civil + Code and the Code of Civility--The Instinct of Courtesy-- + Chesterfield's Method--The Golden Rule--American Politeness-- + Utility of Good Manners Illustrated. Page ix + +I.--PERSONAL HABITS. + + Where to Commence--Care of the Person a Social Duty--Cleanliness-- + The Daily Bath--Soap and Water--The Feet--Change of Linen--The + Nails--The Head--The Teeth--The Breath--Eating and Drinking--What + to Eat--When to Eat--How much to Eat--What to Drink--Breathing-- + Exercise--The Complexion--Tobacco--Spitting--Gin and Gentility-- + Onions, etc.--Little Things 15 + +II.--DRESS. + + The Meaning of Dress--The Uses of Dress--Fitness the First + Essential--The Art of Dress--The Short Dress for Ladies-- + Working-Dress for Gentlemen--Ornaments--Materials for Dress--Mrs. + Manners on Dress--The Hair and Beard--Art _vs._ Fashion--Signs of + the Good Time Coming 31 + +III.--SELF-CULTURE. + + Moral and Social Training--Cultivation of Language--Position and + Movement--The Ease and Grace of Childhood--Standing--Sitting-- + Walking--Hints to the Ladies--Self-Command--Observation--Practical + Lesson 42 + +IV.--FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES. + + Manners and Morals--Human Rights--Duties--The Rights of the + Senses--The Faculties and their Claims--Expression of + Opinions--The Sacredness of Privacy--Conformity--Singing out of + Tune--Doing as the Romans Do--Courtesy _vs._ Etiquette--An + Anecdote--Harmony--Equality--A Remark to be Remembered--General + Principles more Important than Particular Observances 48 + +V.--DOMESTIC MANNERS. + + A Test of Good Manners--Good Behavior at Home--American + Children--Teaching Children to be Polite--Behavior to + Parents--Brothers and Sisters--Husband and Wife--Married + Lovers--Entertaining Guests--Letting your Guests Alone--Making + one "at Home"--Making Apologies--Duties of Guests--Treatment of + Servants--Rights of Servants--"Thank You" 56 + +VI.--THE OBSERVANCES OF EVERY-DAY LIFE. + + Introductions--Letters of Introduction--Speaking without an + Introduction--Salutations--Receptions--Visits and Calls--Table + Manners--Conversations--Chesterfield on Conversation--Music-- + Letters and Notes--Up and Down Stairs--Which Goes First?--An + American Habit--Gloved or Ungloved?--Equality--False Shame-- + Pulling out one's Watch--Husband and Wife--Bowing _vs._ + Curtseying--Presents--Snobbery--Children 64 + +VII.--ETIQUETTE OF OCCASIONS. + + Dinner Parties--Invitations--Dress--Punctuality--Going to the + Table--Arrangement of Guests--Duties of the Host--Duties of the + Guests--The "Grace"--Eating Soup--Fish--The Third Course--What + to do with your Knife and Fork--Declining Wine--Finger Glasses-- + Carving--Evening Parties and their Observances--French Leave-- + Sports and Games--Promiscuous Kissing--Dancing--Christmas--The + New Year--Thanksgiving--Birthdays--Excursions and Picnics-- + Weddings--Funerals 83 + +VIII.--THE ETIQUETTE OF PLACES. + + How to Behave on the Street--Stopping Business Men on the Street-- + Walking with Ladies--Shopping--At Church--At Places of Amusement-- + In a Picture Gallery--The Presence--Traveling--The Rush for + Places--The Rights of Fellow-Travelers--Giving up Seats to the + Ladies--A Hint to the Ladies on Politeness--Paying Fares 100 + +IX.--LOVE AND COURTSHIP. + + Boyish Loves--The Proper Age to Marry--Waiting for a Fortune-- + Importance of Understanding Physiological Laws--Earnestness and + Sincerity in Love--Particular Attentions--Presents--Confidants-- + Declarations--Asking "Pa"--Refusals--Engagement--Breaking Off-- + Marriage 110 + +X.--PARLIAMENTARY ETIQUETTE. + + Courtesy in Debate--Origin of the Parliamentary Code--Rules of + Order--Motions--Speaking--Submitting a Question--Voting--A + Quorum The Democratic Principle--Privileged Questions--Order of + Business--Order of Debate 116 + +XI.--MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS. + + Republican Distinctions--Natural Inequalities--American Toad + Eaters--General Lack of Reverence for Real Nobility--City and + Country--Imported Manners--Fictitious Titles--A Mirror for + Certain Men--Washington's Code of Manners--Our Social Uniform--A + Hint to the Ladies--An Obliging Disposition--Securing a + Home--Taste _vs._ Fashion--Special Claims--Propriety of + Deportment--False Pride--Awkwardness of being Dressed 124 + +XII.--MAXIMS FROM CHESTERFIELD. + + Cheerfulness and Good Humor--The Art of Pleasing--Adaptation of + Manners--Bad Habits--Do what you are About--People who Never + Learn--Local Manners--How to Confer Favors--How to Refuse-- + Spirit--Civility to Women 135 + +XIII.--ILLUSTRATIVE ANECDOTES. + + Elder Blunt and Sister Scrub Taking off the Hat, or John and his + Employer--A Learned Man at Table--English Women in High Life-- + "Say so, if you Please" 139 + + + + +PREFACE. + + +This is an honest and earnest little book, if it has no other merit; +and has been prepared expressly for the use of the young people of our +great Republic, whom it is designed to aid in becoming, what we are +convinced they all desire to be, true American ladies and gentlemen. + +Desiring to make our readers something better than mere imitators of +foreign manners, often based on social conditions radically different +from our own--something better than imitators of _any_ manners, in +fact, we have dwelt at greater length and with far more emphasis upon +general principles, than upon special observances, though the latter +have their place in our work. It has been our first object to impress +upon their minds the fact, that good manners and good morals rest upon +the same basis, and that justice and benevolence can no more be +satisfied without the one than without the other. + +As in the other numbers of this series of Hand-Books, so in this, we +have aimed at usefulness rather than originality; but our plan being +radically different from that of most other manuals of etiquette, we +have been able to avail ourself to only a very limited extent of the +labors of others, except in the matter of mere conventional forms. + +Sensible of the imperfections of our work, but hoping that it will do +some acceptable service in the cause of good manners, and aid, in a +humble way, in the building up of a truly American and republican +school of politeness, we now submit it, with great deference, to a +discerning public. + + + + +INTRODUCTION. + + +Some one has defined politeness as "only an elegant form of justice;" +but it is something more. It is the result of the combined action of +all the moral and social feelings, guided by judgment and refined by +taste. It requires the exercise of benevolence, veneration (in its +human aspect), adhesiveness, and ideality, as well as of +conscientiousness. It is the spontaneous recognition of human +solidarity--the flowering of philanthropy--the fine art of the social +passions. It is to the heart what music is to the ear, and painting +and sculpture to the eye. + +One can not commit a greater mistake than to make politeness a mere +matter of arbitrary forms. It has as real and permanent a foundation +in the nature and relations of men and women, as have government and +the common law. The civil code is not more binding upon us than is the +code of civility. Portions of the former become, from time to time, +inoperative--mere dead letters on the statute-book, on account of the +conditions on which they were founded ceasing to exist; and many of +the enactments of the latter lose their significance and binding force +from the same cause. Many of the forms now in vogue, in what is called +fashionable society, are of this character. Under the circumstances +which called them into existence they were appropriate and beautiful; +under changed circumstances they are simply absurd. There are other +forms of observances over which time and place have no influence--which +are always and everywhere binding. + +Politeness itself is always the same. The rules of etiquette, which +are merely the forms in which it finds expression, vary with time and +place. A sincere regard for the rights of others, in the smallest +matters as well as the largest, genuine kindness of heart; good taste, +and self-command, which are the foundations of good manners, are never +out of fashion; and a person who possesses them can hardly be rude or +discourteous, however far he may transgress conventional usages: +lacking these qualities, the most perfect knowledge of the rules of +etiquette and the strictest observance of them will not suffice to +make one truly polite. + +"Politeness," says La Bruyere, "seems to be a certain care, by the +manner of our words and actions, to make others pleased with us and +themselves." This definition refers the matter directly to those +qualities of mind and heart already enumerated as the foundations of +good manners. To the same effect is the remark of Madame Celnart, that +"the grand secret of never-failing propriety of deportment is _to have +an intention of always doing right_." + +Some persons have the "instinct of courtesy" so largely developed that +they seem hardly to need culture at all. They are equal to any +occasion, however novel. They never commit blunders, or if they do +commit them, they seem not to be blunders in them. So there are those +who sing, speak, or draw intuitively--by inspiration. The great +majority of us, however, must be content to acquire these arts by +study and practice. In the same way we must acquire the art of +behavior, so far as behavior is an art. We must possess, in the first +place, a sense of equity, good-will toward our fellow-men, kind +feelings, magnanimity and self-control. Cultivation will do the rest. +But we most never forget that manners as well as morals are founded on +certain eternal principles, and that while "the _letter_ killeth," +"the _spirit_ giveth _life_." + +The account which Lord Chesterfield gives of the method by which he +acquired the reputation of being the most polished man in England, is +a strong example of the efficacy of practice, in view of which no one +need despair. He was naturally singularly deficient in that grace +which afterward so distinguished him. "I had a strong desire," he +says, "to please, and was sensible that I had nothing but the desire. +I therefore resolved, if possible, to acquire the means too. I studied +attentively and minutely the dress, the air, the manner, the address, +and the turn of conversation of all those whom I found to be the +people in fashion, and most generally allowed to please. I imitated +them as well as I could: if I heard that one man was reckoned +remarkably genteel, I carefully watched his dress, motions, and +attitudes, and formed my own upon them. When I heard of another whose +conversation was agreeable and engaging I listened and attended to the +turn of it. I addressed myself, though _de tres mauvaise grace_ [with +a very bad grace], to all the most fashionable fine ladies; confessed +and laughed with them at my own awkwardness and rawness, recommending +myself as an object for them to try their skill in forming." + +Lord Bacon says: "To attain good manners it almost sufficeth not to +despise them, and that if a man labor too much to express them, he +shall lose their grace, which is to be natural and unaffected." + +To these testimonies we may add the observation of La Rochefoucauld, +that "in manners there are no good copies, for besides that the copy +is almost always clumsy or exaggerated, the air which is suited to one +person sits ill upon another." + +The greater must have been the genius of Chesterfield which enabled +him to make the graces of others his own, appropriating them only so +far as they _fitted him_, instead of blindly and servilely imitating +his models. + +C. P. Bronson truly says: "In politeness, as in every thing else +connected with the formation of character, we are too apt to begin on +the outside, instead of the inside; instead of beginning with the +heart, and trusting to that to form the manners, many begin with the +manners, and leave the heart to chance and influences. The golden rule +contains the very life and soul of politeness: 'Do unto others as you +would they should do unto you.' Unless children and youth are taught, +by precept and example, to abhor what is selfish, and prefer another's +pleasure and comfort to their own, their politeness will be entirely +artificial, and used only when interest and policy dictate. True +politeness is perfect freedom and ease, treating others just as you +love to be treated. Nature is always graceful: affectation, with all +her art, can never produce any thing half so pleasing. The very +perfection of elegance is to imitate nature; how much better to have +the reality than the imitation! Anxiety about the opinions of others +fetters the freedom of nature and tends to awkwardness; all would +appear well if they never tried to assume what they do not possess." + +A writer in _Life Illustrated_, to whose excellent observations on +etiquette we shall have further occasion to refer, contends that the +instinct of courtesy is peculiarly strong in the American people. "It +is shown," he says, "in the civility which marks our intercourse with +one another. It is shown in the deference which is universally paid to +the presence of the gentler sex. It is shown in the excessive fear +which prevails among us of offending public opinion. It is shown in +the very extravagances of our costume and decoration, in our lavish +expenditures upon house and equipage. It is shown in the avidity with +which every new work is bought and read which pretends to lay down +the laws that govern the behavior of circles supposed to be, _par +excellence_, polite. It is shown in the fact, that, next to calling a +man a liar, the most offensive and stinging of all possible +expressions is, 'You are no gentleman!'" + +He claims that this is a national trait, and expresses the belief that +every uncorrupt American man desires to be, and to be thought, a +gentleman; that every uncorrupt American woman desires to be, and to +be thought, a lady. + +"But," he adds, "the instinct of courtesy is not enough, nor is +opportunity equivalent to possession. The truth is palpable, that our +men are not all gentlemen, nor our women all ladies, nor our children +all docile and obliging. In that small and insignificant circle which +is called 'Society,' which, small and insignificant as it is, gives +the tone to the manners of the nation, the chief efforts seem to be, +to cleanse the outside of the platter, to conceal defects by gloss and +glitter. Its theory of politeness and its maxims of behavior are drawn +from a state of things so different from that which here prevails, +that they produce in us little besides an exaggerated ungracefulness, +a painful constraint, a complete artificiality of conduct and +character. We are trying to shine in borrowed plumes. We would glisten +with foreign varnish. To produce an _effect_ is our endeavor. We +prefer to _act_, rather than _live_. The politeness which is based on +sincerity, good-will, self-conquest, and a minute, habitual regard for +the rights of others, is not, we fear, the politeness which finds +favor in the saloons upon which the upholsterer has exhausted the +resources of his craft. Yet without possessing, in a certain degree, +the qualities we have named, no man ever did, and no man ever will, +become a gentleman. Where they do not bear sway, society may be +brilliant in garniture, high in pretension, but it is intrinsically +and incurably _vulgar_!" + +The utility of good manners is universally acknowledged perhaps, but +the extent to which genuine courtesy may be made to contribute to our +success as well as our happiness is hardly realized. We can not more +satisfactorily illustrate this point than by quoting the following +lesson of experience from the Autobiography of the late Dr. Caldwell, +the celebrated physician and phrenologist: + +"In the year 1825 I made, in London, in a spirit of wager, a decisive +and satisfactory experiment as to the effect of civil and courteous +manners on people of various ranks and descriptions. + +"There were in a place a number of young Americans, who often +complained to me of the neglect and rudeness experienced by them from +citizens to whom they spoke in the streets. They asserted, in +particular, that as often as they requested directions to any point in +the city toward which they were proceeding, they either received an +uncivil and evasive answer, or none at all. I told them that my +experience on the same subject had been exceedingly different: that I +had never failed to receive a civil reply to my questions--often +communicating the information requested: and that I could not help +suspecting that their failure to receive similar answers arose, in +part at least, if not entirely, to the plainness, not to say the +bluntness, of their manner in making their inquiries. The correctness +of this charge, however, they sturdily denied, asserting that their +manner of asking for information was good enough for those to whom +they addressed themselves. Unable to convince them by words of the +truth of my suspicions, I proposed to them the following simple and +conclusive experiment: + +"'Let us take together a walk of two or three hours in some of the +public streets of the city. You shall yourselves designate the persons +to whom I shall propose questions, and the subjects also to which the +question shall relate; and the only restriction imposed is, that no +question shall be proposed to any one who shall appear to be greatly +hurried, agitated, distressed, or any other way deeply preoccupied, in +mind or body, and no one shall speak to the person questioned but +myself.' + +"My proposition being accepted, out we sallied, and to work we went; +and I continued my experiment until my young friends surrendered at +discretion, frankly acknowledging that my opinion was right, and +theirs, of course was wrong; and that, in our passage through life, +courtesy of address and deportment may be made both a pleasant and +powerful means to attain our ends and gratify our wishes. + +"I put questions to more than twenty persons of every rank, from the +high-bred gentleman to the servant in livery, and received in every +instance a satisfactory reply. If the information asked for was not +imparted, the individual addressed gave an assurance of his at being +unable to communicate it. + +"What seemed to surprise my friends was, that the individuals accosted +by me almost uniformly imitated my own manner. If I uncovered my head, +as I did in speaking to a gentleman, or even to a man of ordinary +appearance and breeding, he did the same in his reply; and when I +touched my hat to a liveried coachman or waiting man, his hat was +immediately under his arm. So much may be done, and such advantages +gained, by simply avoiding coarseness and vulgarity, and being well +bred and agreeable. Nor can the case be otherwise. For the foundation +of good breeding is good nature and good sense--two of the most useful +and indispensable attributes of a well-constituted mind. Let it not be +forgotten, however, that good breeding is not to be regarded as +identical with politeness--a mistake which is too frequently, if not +generally, committed. A person may be exceedingly polite without the +much higher and more valuable accomplishment of good breeding." + +Believing that the natural qualities essential to the character of the +gentleman or the lady exist in a high degree among our countrymen and +countrywomen, and that they universally desire to develop these +qualities, and to add to them the necessary knowledge of all the truly +significant and living forms and usages of good society, we have +written the work now before you. We have not the vanity to believe +that the mere reading of it will, of itself, convert an essentially +vulgar person into a lady or a gentleman; but we do hope that we have +furnished those who most need it with available and efficient aid; and +in this hope we dedicate this little "Manual of Republican Etiquette" +to all who are, or would be, in the highest sense of these terms, + +TRUE REPUBLICAN LADIES OR GENTLEMEN + + + + +HOW TO BEHAVE. + + + + +I. + +PERSONAL HABITS. + + Attention to the person is the first necessity of good + manners.--_Anon._ + + +I.--WHERE TO COMMENCE. + +If you wish to commence aright the study of manners, you must make +your own person the first lesson. If you neglect this you will apply +yourself to those which follow with very little profit. Omit, +therefore, any other chapter in the book rather than this. + +The proper care and adornment of the person is a social as well as an +individual duty. You have a right to go about with unwashed hands and +face, and to wear soiled and untidy garments, perhaps, but you have no +right to offend the senses of others by displaying such hands, face, +and garments in society. Other people have rights as well as yourself, +and no right of yours can extend so far as to infringe theirs. + +But we may safely assume that no reader of these pages wishes to +render himself disgusting or even disagreeable or to cut himself off +from the society of his fellow-men. We address those who seek social +intercourse and desire to please. _They_ will not think our words +amiss, even though they may seem rather "personal;" since we have +their highest good in view, and speak in the most friendly spirit. +Those who do not need our hints and suggestions under this head, and +to whom none of our remarks may apply, will certainly have the +courtesy to excuse them for the sake of those to whom they will be +useful. + + +II.--CLEANLINESS. + +"Cleanliness is akin to godliness," it is said. It is not less closely +related to gentility. First of all, then, keep yourself scrupulously +clean--not your hands and face merely, but your whole person, from the +crown of your head to the sole of your foot. Silk stockings may hide +dirty feet and ankles from the eye, but they often reveal themselves +to another sense, when the possessor little dreams of such an +exposure. It is far better to dress coarsely and out of fashion and be +strictly clean, than to cover a dirty skin with the finest and richest +clothing. A coarse shirt or a calico dress is not necessarily vulgar, +but dirt is essentially so. We do not here refer, of course, to one's +condition while engaged in his or her industrial occupation. Soiled +hands and even a begrimed face are badges of honor in the field, the +workshop, or the kitchen, but in a country in which soap and water +abound, there is no excuse for carrying them into the parlor or the +dining-room. + +A clean skin is as essential to health, beauty, and personal comfort +as it is to decency; and without health and that perfect freedom from +physical disquiet which comes only from the normal action of all the +functions of the bodily organs, your behavior can never be +satisfactory to yourself or agreeable to others. Let us urge you, +then, to give this matter your first attention. + + +1. _The Daily Bath._ + +To keep clean you must bathe frequently. In the first place you should +wash the whole body with pure soft water every morning on rising from +your bed, rubbing it till dry with a coarse towel, and afterward using +friction with the hands. If you have not been at all accustomed to +cold bathing, commence with tepid water, lowering the temperature by +degrees till that which is perfectly cold becomes agreeable. In warm +weather, comfort and cleanliness alike require still more frequent +bathing. Mohammed made frequent ablutions a religious duty; and in +that he was right. The rank and fetid odors which exhale from a foul +skin can hardly be neutralized by the sweetest incense of devotion. + + +2. _Soap and Water._ + +But the daily bath of which we have spoken is not sufficient. In +addition to the pores from which exudes the watery fluid called +perspiration, the skin is furnished with innumerable minute openings, +known as the sebaceous follicles, which pour over its surface a thin +limpid oil anointing it and rendering it soft and supple; but also +causing the dust as well as the effete matter thrown out by the pores +to adhere, and, if allowed to accumulate, finally obstructing its +functions and causing disease. It also, especially in warm weather, +emits an exceedingly disagreeable odor. Pure cold water will not +wholly remove these oily accumulations. The occasional use of soap and +warm or tepid water is therefore necessary; but all washings with +soapy or warm water should be followed by a thorough rinsing with pure +cold water. Use good, fine soap. The common coarser kinds are +generally too strongly alkaline and have an unpleasant effect upon the +skin. + + +3. _The Feet._ + +The feet are particularly liable to become offensively odoriferous, +especially when the perspiration is profuse. Frequent washings with +cold water, with the occasional use of warm water and soap, are +absolutely necessary to cleanliness. + + +4. _Change of Linen._ + +A frequent change of linen is another essential of cleanliness. It +avails little to wash the body if we inclose it the next minute in +soiled garments. It is not in the power of every one to wear fine and +elegant clothes, but we can all, under ordinary circumstances, afford +clean shirts, drawers, and stockings. Never sleep in any garment worn +during the day; and your night-dress should be well aired every +morning. + + +5. _The Nails._ + +You will not, of course, go into company, or sit down to the table, +with soiled hands, but unless you habituate yourself to a special care +of them, more or less dirt will be found lodged under the nails. Clean +them carefully every time you wash your hands, and keep them smoothly +and evenly cut. If you allow them to get too long they are liable to +be broken off, and become uneven and ragged, and if you pare them too +closely they fail to protect the ends of the fingers. + + +6. _The Head._ + +The head is more neglected, perhaps, than any other part of the body. +The results are not less disastrous here than elsewhere. Dandruff +forms, dust accumulates, the scalp becomes diseased, the hair grows +dry, and falls off and if the evil be not remedied, premature baldness +ensues. The head should be thoroughly washed as often as cleanliness +demands. This will not injure the hair, as many suppose, but, on the +contrary, will promote its growth and add to its beauty. If soap is +used, however, it should be carefully rinsed off. If the hair is +carefully and _thoroughly_ brushed every morning, it will not require +very frequent washings. If the scalp be kept in a healthy condition +the hair will be moist, glossy, and luxuriant, and no oil or hair wash +will be required; and these preparations generally do more harm than +good. Night-caps are most unwholesome and uncleanly contrivances, and +should be discarded altogether. They keep the head unnaturally warm, +shut out the fresh air, and shut in those natural exhalations which +should be allowed to pass off, and thus weaken the hair and render it +more liable to fall off. Ladies may keep their hair properly together +during repose by wearing a _net_ over it. + + +7. _The Teeth._ + +Do not forget the teeth. Cleanliness, health, a pure breath, and the +integrity and durability of those organs require that they be +thoroughly and effectually scoured with the tooth-brush dipped in soft +water, with the addition of a little soap, if necessary, every +morning. Brush them outside and inside, and in every possible +direction. You can not be too careful in this matter. After brushing +rinse your mouth with cold water. A slighter brushing should be given +them after each meal. Use an ivory tooth-pick or a quill to remove any +particles of food that may be lodged between the teeth. + +There are, no doubt, original differences in teeth, as in other parts +of the human system, some being more liable to decay than others; but +the simple means we have pointed out, if adopted in season and +perseveringly applied, will preserve almost any teeth, in all their +usefulness and reality, till old age. If yours have been neglected, +and some of them are already decayed, hasten to preserve the +remainder. While you have _any_ teeth left, it is never too late to +begin to take care of them; and if you have children, do not, we +entreat you, neglect _their_ teeth. If the first or temporary teeth +are cared for and preserved, they will be mainly absorbed by the +second or permanent ones, and will drop out of themselves. The others, +in that case, will come out regular and even. + +Beware of the teeth-powders, teeth-washes, and the like, advertised in +the papers. They are often even more destructive to the teeth than the +substances they are intended to remove. If any teeth-powder is +required, pure powdered charcoal is the best thing you can procure; +but if the teeth are kept clean, in the way we have directed, there +will be little occasion for any other dentrifices than pure water and +a little soap. Your tooth-brushes should be rather soft; those which +are too hard injuring both the teeth and the gums. + + +8. _The Breath._ + +A bad breath arises more frequently than otherwise from neglected and +decayed teeth. If it is occasioned by a foul stomach, a pure diet, +bathing, water injections, and a general attention to the laws of +health are required for its removal. + + +III.--EATING AND DRINKING. + +Whatever has a bearing upon health has at least an indirect connection +with manners; the reader will therefore excuse us for introducing here +a few remarks which may seem, at the first glance, rather irrelevant. +Sound lungs, a healthy liver, and a good digestion are as essential to +the right performance of our social duties as they are to our own +personal comfort; therefore a few words on eating and drinking, as +affecting these, will not be out of place. + + +1. _What to Eat._ + +An unperverted appetite is the highest authority in matters of diet. +In fact, its decisions should be considered final, and without the +privilege of appeal. Nature makes no mistakes. + +The plant selects from the soil which its roots permeate, the chemical +elements necessary to its growth and perfect development, rejecting +with unerring certainty every particle which would prove harmful or +useless. The wild animal chooses with equal certainty the various +kinds of food adapted to the wants of its nature, never poisoning +itself by eating or drinking any thing inimical to its life and +health. The sense of taste and the wants of the system act in perfect +harmony. So it should be with man. That which most perfectly gratifies +the appetite should be the best adapted to promote health, strength, +and beauty. + +But appetite, like all the other instincts or feelings of our nature, +is liable to become perverted, and to lead us astray. We acquire a +relish for substances which are highly hurtful, such as tobacco, +ardent spirits, malt liquors, and the like. We have "sought out many +inventions," to pander to false and fatal tastes, and too often eat, +not to sustain life and promote the harmonious development of the +system, but to poison the very fountains of our being and implant in +our blood the seeds of disease. + +Attend to the demands of appetite, but use all your judgment in +determining whether it is a natural, undepraved craving of the system +which speaks, or an acquired and vicious taste, and give or withhold +accordingly; and, above all, never eat when you have _no appetite_. +Want of appetite is equivalent to the most authoritative command to +_eat nothing_, and we disregard it at our peril. Food, no matter how +wholesome, taken into our stomachs under such circumstances, instead +of being digested and appropriated, becomes rank poison. _Eating +without appetite is one of the most fatal of common errors._ + +We have no room, even if we had the ability and the desire, to discuss +the comparative merits of the two opposing systems of diet--the +vegetarian and the mixed. We shall consider the question of +flesh-eating an open one. + +Your food should be adapted to the climate, season, and your +occupation. In the winter and in northern climates a larger proportion +of the fatty or carboniferous elements are required than in summer and +in southern latitudes. The Esquimaux, in his snow-built hut, swallows +immense quantities of train-oil, without getting the dyspepsia; still, +we do not recommend train-oil as an article of diet; neither can we +indorse the eating of pork in any form; but these things are far less +hurtful in winter than in summer, and to those who labor in the open +air than to the sedentary. + +Live well. A generous diet promotes vitality and capability for +action. "Good cheer is friendly to health." But do not confound a +generous diet with what is usually called "rich" food. Let all your +dishes be nutritious, but plain, simple, and wholesome. Avoid highly +seasoned viands and very greasy food at all times, but particularly in +warm weather, also too much nutriment in the highly condensed forms of +sugar, syrup, honey, and the like. + +If you eat flesh, partake sparingly of it especially in summer. We +Americans are the greatest flesh-eaters in the world, and it is not +unreasonable to believe that there may be some connection between this +fact and the equally notorious one that we are the most unhealthy +people in the world. An untold amount of disease results from the too +free use of flesh during the hot months. Heat promotes putrefaction; +and as this change in meat is very rapid in warm weather, we can not +be too careful not to eat that which is in the slightest degree +tainted. Even when it goes into the stomach in a normal condition, +there is danger; for if too much is eaten, or the digestive organs are +not sufficiently strong and active, the process of putrefaction may +commence in the stomach and diffuse a subtle poison through the whole +system. + +_Hot_ biscuits; _hot_ griddle cakes, saturated with butter and +Stuart's syrup; and _hot_ coffee, scarcely modified at all by the +small quantity of milk usually added, are among the most deleterious +articles ever put upon a table. While these continue to be the staples +of our breakfasts, healthy stomachs and clear complexions will be rare +among us. Never eat or drink _any thing_ HOT. + +Good bread is an unexceptionable article of diet. The best is made of +unbolted wheat flour. A mixture of wheat and rye flour, or of corn +meal with either, makes excellent bread. The meal and flour should be +freshly ground; they deteriorate by being kept long. If raised or +fermented bread is required, hop yeast is the best ferment that can be +used. [For complete directions for bread-making, see Dr. Trall's +"Hydropathic Cook-Book."] + +The exclusive use of fine or bolted flour for bread, biscuits, and +cakes of all kinds, is exceedingly injurious to health. The _lignin_ +or woody fiber which forms the bran of grains is just as essential to +a perfect and healthful nutrition as are starch, sugar, gum, and +fibrin, and the rejection of this element is one of the most +mischievous errors of modern cookery. + +Johnny-cake, or corn bread, is an excellent article, which is not yet +fully appreciated. It is palatable and wholesome. Hominy, samp, +cracked wheat, oatmeal mush, and boiled rice should have a high place +on your list of edibles. Beans and peas should be more generally eaten +than they are. They are exceedingly nutritious, and very palatable. In +New England, "pork and beans" hold the place of honor, but elsewhere +in this country they are almost unknown. Leaving out the pork (which, +personally, we hold in more than Jewish abhorrence), nothing can be +better, provided they are eaten in moderation and with a proper +proportion of less nutritious food. They should be well baked in pure, +soft water. A sufficient quantity of salt to season them, with the +addition of a little sweet milk, cream, or butter while baking, leaves +nothing to be desired. If meat is wanted, however, a slice of +beefsteak, laid upon the surface, will serve a better purpose than +pork. Potatoes, beets, turnips, carrots, parsneps, and cabbages are +good in their place. + +But Nature indicates very plainly that fruits and berries, in their +season, should have a prominent place in our dietary. They are +produced in abundance, and every healthy stomach instinctively craves +them. Strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, whortleberries, +cherries, plums, grapes, figs, apples, pears, peaches, and melons are +"food fit for gods." We pity those whose perverted taste or digestion +leads to their rejection. But some are _afraid_ to eat fruits and +berries, particularly in midsummer, just the time when nature and +common sense say they should be eaten most freely. They have the fear +of cholera, dysentery, and similar diseases before their eyes, and +have adopted the popular but absurd idea that fruit eating predisposes +to disorders of the stomach and bowels. Exactly the reverse is the +fact. There are no better preventives of such diseases than _ripe_ +fruits and berries, eaten in proper quantities and at proper times +Unripe fruits should be scrupulously avoided, and that which is in any +measure decayed as scarcely less objectionable. Fruit and berries +should make a part of every meal in summer. In winter they are less +necessary, but may be eaten with advantage, if within our reach; and +they are easily preserved in various ways. + +We might write a volume on the subject of food, but these general +hints must suffice. If you would pursue the inquiry, read O. S. +Fowler's "Physiology, Animal and Mental," and the "Hydropathic +Cook-Book," already referred to. + + +2. _When to Eat._ + +Eat when the stomach, through the instinct of appetite, demands a new +supply of food. If all your habits are regular, this will be at about +the same hours each day; and regularity in the time of taking our +meals is very important. Want of attention to this point is a frequent +cause of derangement of the digestive organs. We can not stop to +discuss the question how many meals per day we should eat; but whether +you eat one, two, or three, never, under ordinary circumstances, take +lunches. The habit of eating between meals is a most pernicious one. +Not even your children must be indulged in it, as you value their +health, comfort, and good behavior. + + +3. _How Much to Eat._ + +We can not tell you, by weight or measure, how much to eat, the right +quantity depending much upon age, sex, occupation, season, and +climate, but the quantity is quite as important as the quality. +Appetite would be a sure guide in both respects were it not so often +perverted and diseased. As a general rule, we eat too much. It is +better to err in the other direction. An uncomfortable feeling of +fullness, or of dullness and stupor after a meal is a sure sign of +over-eating, so whatever and whenever you eat, _eat slowly, masticate +your food well_, and DO NOT EAT TOO MUCH. + + +4. _Drink._ + +If we eat proper food, and in proper quantity, we are seldom thirsty. +Inordinate thirst indicates a feverish state of either the stomach or +the general system. It is pretty sure to follow a too hearty meal. + +Water is the proper drink for everybody and for every thing that lives +or grows. It should be pure and soft. Many diseases arise wholly from +the use of unwholesome water. If you drink tea (which we do not +recommend), let it be the best of black tea, and _not_ strong. Coffee, +if drunk at all, should be diluted with twice its quantity of boiled +milk, and well sweetened with white sugar. + + +IV.--BREATHING. + +Breathing is as necessary as eating. If we cease to breathe, our +bodies cease to live. If we only _half_ breathe, as is often the case, +we only half live. The human system requires a constant supply of +oxygen to keep up the vital processes which closely resemble +combustion, of which oxygen is the prime supporter. If the supply is +insufficient, the fire of life wanes. The healthy condition of the +lungs also requires that they be completely expanded by the air +inhaled. The imperfect breathing of many persons fails to accomplish +the required inflation, and the lungs become diseased for want of +their natural action. Full, deep breathing and pure air are as +essential to health, happiness, and the right performance of our +duties, whether individual, political, or social, as pure food and +temperate habits of eating and drinking are. Attend, then, to the +lungs as well as the stomach. Breathe good air. Have all your rooms, +and especially your sleeping apartment well ventilated. The air which +has been vitiated by breathing or by the action of fire, which +abstracts the oxygen and supplies its place with carbonic acid gas, is +a _subtle poison_. + + +V.--EXERCISE. + +The amount of physical exercise required varies with age, sex, and +temperament; but no person can enjoy vigorous health without a +considerable degree of active bodily exertion. Four or five hours per +day spent in the open air, in some labor or amusement which calls for +the exercise of the muscles of the body, is probably no more than a +proper average. We can live with less--that is, for a short time; but +Nature's laws are inexorable, and we can not escape the penalty +affixed to their violation. Those whose occupations are sedentary +should seek amusements which require the exertion of the physical +powers, and should spend as much as possible of their leisure time in +the open air. We must, however, use good judgment in this matter as +well as in eating. Too much exercise at once, or that which is fitful +and violent, is often exceedingly injurious to those whose occupations +have accustomed them to little physical exertion of any kind. + +The women of our country are suffering incalculably for want of proper +exercise. No other single cause perhaps is doing so much to destroy +health and beauty, and deteriorate the race, as this. "Your women are +very handsome," Frederika Bremer said, one day, "but they are too +white; they look as if they grew in the shade." A sad truth. Ladies, +if you would be healthy, beautiful, and attractive--if you would fit +yourselves to be good wives, and the mothers of strong and noble men, +you _must_ take an adequate amount of exercise in the open air. _This +should be an every-day duty._ + + +VI.--THE COMPLEXION. + +Every person, and especially every lady, desires a clear complexion. +To secure this, follow the foregoing directions in reference to +cleanliness, eating, drinking, breathing, and exercise. The same +recipe serves for ruby lips and rosy cheeks. These come and go with +health, and health depends upon obedience to the laws of our +constitution. + + +VII.--GENERAL HINTS. + +Few of us are free from disagreeable habits of which we are hardly +conscious, so seemingly natural have they become to us. It is the +office of friendship, though not always a pleasant one, to point them +out. It is our business to assume that office here, finding our excuse +in the necessity of the case. Our bad habits not only injure +ourselves, but they give offense to others, and indirectly injure them +also. + + +1. _Tobacco._ + +Ladies, in this country, do not use tobacco, so they may skip this +section. A large and increasing number of gentlemen may do the same; +but if you use tobacco, in any forth, allow us to whisper a useful +hint or two in your ear. + +Smoking, snuff-taking, and especially chewing, are bad habits at best, +and in their coarser forms highly disgusting to pure and refined +people, and especially to ladies. You have the same right to smoke, +take snuff, and chew that you have to indulge in the luxuries of a +filthy skin and soiled garments, but you have no right, in either +case, to do violence to the senses and sensibilities of other people +by their exhibition in society. Smoke if you will, chew, take snuff +(against our earnest advice, however), make yourself generally and +particularly disagreeable, but you must suffer the consequences--the +social outlawry which must result. Shall we convert our parlors into +tobacco shops, risk the ruin of our carpets and furniture from the +random shots of your disgusting saliva, and fill the whole atmosphere +of our house with a pungent stench, to the discomfort and disgust of +everybody else, merely for the pleasure of your company? We have +rights as well as you, one of which is to exclude from our circle all +persons whose manners or habits are distasteful to us. You talk of +rights. You can not blame others for exercising theirs. + +There are degrees here as everywhere else. One may chew a _little_, +smoke an _occasional_ cigar, and take a pinch of snuff _now_ and +_then_, and if he never indulges in these habits in the presence of +others, and is very careful to purify his person before going into +company, he may confine the bad effects, which he can not escape, +_mostly_ to his own person. But he must not smoke in any parlor, or +sitting-room, or dining-room, or sleeping chamber, or in the street, +and particularly not in the presence of ladies, _anywhere_. + + +2. _Spitting._ + +"The use of tobacco has made us a nation of spitters," as some one has +truly remarked. Spitting is a private act, and tobacco users are not +alone in violating good taste and good manners by hawking and spitting +in company. You should never be seen to spit. Use your handkerchief +carefully and so as not to be noticed, or, in case of necessity, leave +the room. + + +3. _Gin and Gentility._ + +The spirit and tenor of our remarks on tobacco will apply to the use +of ardent spirits. The fumes of gin, whisky, and rum are, if possible, +worse than the scent of tobacco. They must on no account be brought +into company. If a man (this is another section which women may skip) +will make a beast of himself, and fill his blood with liquid poison, +he must, if he desires admission into good company, do it either +privately or with companions whose senses and appetites are as +depraved as his own. + + +4. _Onions, etc._ + +All foods or drinks which taint the breath or cause disagreeable +eructations should be avoided by persons going into company. Onions +emit so very disagreeable an odor that no truly polite person will eat +them when liable to inflict their fumes upon others. Particular care +should be taken to guard against a bad breath from _any_ cause. + + +5. _Several Items._ + +Never pare or scrape your nails, pick your teeth, comb your hair, or +perform any of the necessary operations of the toilet in company. All +these things should be carefully attended to in the privacy of your +own room. To pick the nose, dig the ears, or scratch the head or any +part of the person in company is still worse. Watch yourself +carefully, and if you have any such habits, break them up at once. +These may seem little things, but they have their weight, and go far +in determining the character of the impression we make upon those +around us. + + + + +II. + +DRESS. + + From little matters let us pass to less, + And lightly touch the mysteries of dress; + The outward forms the inner man reveal; + We guess the pulp before we eat the peel.--_O. W. Holmes._ + + +I.--THE LANGUAGE OF DRESS. + +Dress has its language, which is, or may be, read and understood by +all. It is one of the forms in which we naturally give expression to +our tastes, our constructive faculties, our reason, our feelings, our +habits--in a word, to our character, as a whole. This expression is +often greatly modified by the arbitrary laws of Fashion, and by +circumstances of time, place, and condition, which we can not wholly +control; but can hardly be entirely falsified. Even that arch tyrant, +the reigning _Mode_, whatever it may be, leaves us little room for +choice in materials, forms, and colors, and the choice we make +indicates our prominent traits of character. + + +II.--THE USES OF DRESS. + +"Dress," that admirable Art Journal the _Crayon_ says, "has two +functions--to clothe and to ornament; and while we can not lose sight +of either point, we must not attribute to the one a power which +belongs to the other. The essential requirement of dress is to cover +and make comfortable the body, and of two forms of dress which fulfill +this function equally well, that is the better which is most accordant +with the laws of beauty. But fitness must in nowise be interfered +with; and the garb which infringes on this law gives us pain rather +than pleasure. We believe that it will be found that fitness and +beauty, so far from requiring any sacrifice for combination, are found +each in the highest degree where both are most fully obtained--that +the fittest, most comfortable dress is that which is most graceful or +becoming. Fitness is the primary demand; and _the dress that appears +uncomfortable is untasteful_. + +"But in the secondary function of dress, ornamentation, there are +several diverse objects to be attained--dignity, grace, vivacity, +brilliancy, are qualities distinguishing different individuals, and +indicating the impression they wish to make on society, and are +expressed by different combinations of the elements of beauty, line, +or form, and color. When the appareling of the outer being is in most +complete harmony with the mental constitution, the taste is fullest." + + +III.--THE ART OF DRESS. + +True art adapts dress to its uses, as indicated in the foregoing +extract. It is based on universal principles fundamental to all art. + +The art-writer already quoted says, very truly, that "Dress is always +to be considered as secondary to the person." This is a fundamental +maxim in the art of costume, but is often lost sight of, and dress +made _obtrusive_ at the expense of the individuality of the wearer. A +man's vest or cravat must not seem a too important part of him. Dress +may heighten beauty, but it can not create it. If you are not better +and more beautiful than your clothes you are, indeed, a man or a woman +of straw. + +The next principle to be regarded is the _fitness_ of your costume, in +its forms materials, and colors, to your person and circumstances, and +to the conditions of the time, place and occasion on which it is to be +worn. Fashion often compels us to violate this principle, and dress +in the most absurd, incongruous, unbecoming, and uncomfortable style. +A little more self-respect and independence, however, would enable us +to resist many of her most preposterous enactments. But Fashion is not +responsible for all the incongruities in dress with which we meet. +They are often the result of bad taste and affectation. + +The first demand of this law of fitness is, that your costume shall +accord with your person. The young and the old, we all instinctively +know, should not dress alike. Neither should the tall and the short, +the dark and the light, the pale and the rosy, the grave and the gay, +the tranquil and the vivacious. Each variety of form, color, and +character has its appropriate style; but our space here is too limited +to allow us to do more than drop a hint toward what each requires, to +produce the most harmonious and effective combination. In another +work,[A] now in the course of preparation, this important subject will +be treated in detail. + +"In form, simplicity and long, unbroken lines give dignity, while +complicated and short lines express vivacity. Curves, particularly if +long and sweeping, give grace while straight lines and angles indicate +power and strength. In color, unity of tint gives repose--if somber, +gravity but if light and clear, then a joyous serenity--variety of +tint giving vivacity, and if contrasted, brilliancy." + +Longitudinal stripes in a lady's dress make her appear taller than she +really is, and are therefore appropriate for persons of short stature. +Tall women, for this reason, should never wear them. Flounces are +becoming to tall persons, but not to short ones. The colors worn +should be determined by the complexion, and should harmonize with it. +"Ladies with delicate rosy complexions bear white and blue better than +dark colors, while sallow hues of complexion will not bear these +colors near them, and require dark, quiet, or grave colors to improve +their appearance. Yellow is the most trying and dangerous of all, and +can only be worn by the rich-toned, healthy-looking brunette." + +In the second place, there should be harmony between your dress and +your circumstances. It should accord with your means, your house, your +furniture, the place in which you reside, and the society in which you +move. + +Thirdly, your costume should be suited to the time, place, and +occasion on which it is to be worn. That summer clothes should not be +worn in winter, or winter clothes in summer, every one sees clearly +enough. The law of fitness as imperatively demands that you should +have one dress for the kitchen, the field, or the workshop, and +another, and quite a different one, for the parlor; one for the street +and another for the carriage, one for a ride on horseback and another +for a ramble in the country. Long, flowing, and even trailing skirts +are beautiful and appropriate in the parlor, but in the muddy streets, +draggling in the filth, and embarrassing every movement of the wearer, +or in the country among the bushes and briers, they lose all their +beauty and grace, because no longer fitting. The prettiest costume we +have ever seen for a shopping excursion or a walk in the city, and +especially for a ramble in the country, is a short dress or frock +reaching to the knee, and trowsers of the common pantaloon form, but +somewhat wider. Full Turkish trowsers might be worn with this dress, +but are less convenient. The waist or body of the dress is made with a +yoke and belt, and pretty full. The sleeves should be gathered into a +band and buttoned at the wrist. A _saque_ or a _basque_ of a different +color from the waist has a fine effect as a part of this costume. Add +to it a gipsy hat and good substantial shoes or boots, and you may +walk with ease, grace, and pleasure. This was the working and walking +costume of the women of the North American Phalanx, and is still worn +on the domain which once belonged to that Association, though the +institution which gave it its origin has ceased to exist. If you +reside in a place where you can adopt this as your industrial and +walking costume, without too much notoriety and odium, try it. You +must judge of this for yourself. We are telling you what is fitting, +comfortable, and healthful, and therefore, in its place, beautiful, +and not what it is expedient for you to wear. The time is coming when +such a costume may be worn anywhere. Rational independence, good +taste, and the study of art are preparing the way for the complete +overthrow of arbitrary fashion. Help us to hasten the time when both +women and men shall be permitted to dress as the eternal principles, +harmony, and beauty dictate, and be no longer the slaves of the tailor +and the dressmaker. + +But without adopting any innovations liable to shock staid +conservatism or puritanic prudery, you may still, in a good measure, +avoid the incongruities which we are now compelled to witness, and +make your costume accord with place and occupation. + +In the field, garden, and workshop, gentlemen can wear nothing more +comfortable and graceful than the blouse. It may be worn loose or +confined by a belt. If your occupation is a very dusty one, wear +overalls. In the counting-room and office, gentlemen wear frock-coats +or sack coats. They need not be of very fine material, and should not +be of any garish pattern. In your study or library, and about the +house generally, on ordinary occasions, a handsome dressing-gown is +comfortable and elegant. + +A lady, while performing the morning duties of her household may wear +a plain loose dress, made high in the neck, and with long sleeves +fastened at the wrist. It must not look slatternly, and may be +exceedingly beautiful and becoming. + +In reference to ornament, "the law of dress," to quote our +artist-friend again, "is, that where you want the eye of a spectator +to rest (for we all dress for show), you should concentrate your +decoration, leaving the parts of the apparel to which you do not want +attention called, as plain and negative as possible--not ugly, as some +people, in an affectation of plainness, do (for you have no right to +offend the eye of your fellow-man with any thing which is ugly), but +simply negative." + + +IV.--MATERIALS, ETC. + +The materials of which your clothes are made should be the best that +your means will allow. One generally exercises a very bad economy and +worse taste in wearing low-priced and coarse materials. For your +working costume, the materials should of course correspond with the +usage to which they are to be subjected. They should be strong and +durable, but need not therefore be either very coarse or at all ugly. +As a general rule, it costs no more to dress well than ill. + +A gentleman's shirts should always be fine, clean, and well-fitted. It +is better to wear a coarse or threadbare coat than a disreputable +shirt. The better taste and finer instincts of the ladies will require +no hint in reference to their "most intimate appareling." True taste, +delicacy, and refinement regards the under clothing as scrupulously as +that which is exposed to view. + +The coverings of the head and the feet are important and should by no +means be inferior to the rest of your apparel. Shoes are better than +boots, except in cases where the latter are required for the +protection of the feet and ankles against water, snow, or injury from +briers, brambles, and the like. Ladies' shoes for walking should be +substantial enough to keep the feet dry and warm. If neatly made, and +well-fitting, they need not be clumsy. Thin shoes, worn on the damp +ground or pavement, have carried many a beautiful woman to her grave. +If you wish to have corns and unshapely feet, wear tight shoes; they +never fail to produce those results. + +The fashionable fur hat, in its innumerable but always ugly forms, is, +in the eye of taste, an absurd and unsightly covering for the head; +and it is hardly less uncomfortable and unhealthful than ugly. The +fine, soft, and more picturesque felt hats now, we are glad to say, +coming more and more into vogue, are far more comfortable and +healthful. A light, fine straw hat is the best for summer. + +The bonnets of the ladies, in their fashionable forms, are only a +little less ugly and unbecoming than the fur hats of the gentlemen. A +broad-brimmed or gipsy hat is far more becoming to most women than the +common bonnet. We hope to live to see both "stove-pipe hats" and +"sugar-scoop bonnets" abolished; but, in the mean time let those wear +them who _must_. + + +V.--MRS. MANNERS ON DRESS. + +Mrs. Manners, the highest authority we can possibly quote in such +matters, has the following hints to girls, which we can not deny +ourselves the pleasure of copying, though they may seem, in part, a +repetition of remarks already made: + +"Good taste is indispensable in dress, but that, united to neatness, +is _all_ that is _necessary_--that is the fabled cestus of Venus which +gave beauty to its wearer. Good taste involves _suitable fabrics--a +neat and becoming 'fitting' to her figure--colors suited to her +complexion, and a simple and unaffected manner of wearing one's +clothes_. A worsted dress in a warm day, or a white one in a cold day, +or a light, thin one in a windy day, are all in _bad_ taste. Very fine +or very delicate dresses worn in the street, or very highly ornamented +clothes worn to church or to shop in, are in _bad_ taste. Very long +dresses worn in muddy or dusty weather, even if long dresses are the +_fashion_, are still in _bad_ taste. + +"Deep and bright-colored gloves are always in bad taste; very few +persons are careful enough in selecting gloves. Light shoes and dark +dresses, white stockings and dark dresses, dark stockings and light +dresses, are not indicative of good taste. A girl with neatly and +properly dressed feet, with neat, well-fitting gloves, smoothly +arranged hair, and a clean, well-made dress, who walks well, and +speaks well, and, above all, acts politely and kindly, _is a lady_, +and no _wealth_ is required here. Fine clothes and fine airs are +abashed before such propriety and good taste. Thus the poorest may be +so attired as to appear as lady-like as the wealthiest; nothing is +more _vulgar_ than the idea that money makes a lady, or that fine +clothes can do it." + + +VI.--WEARING THE HAIR AND BEARD. + +The hair and beard, in one of their aspects, belong to the dress. In +reference to the style of wearing them, consult the general principles +of taste. A man to whom nature has given a handsome beard, deforms +himself sadly by shaving--at least, that is our opinion; and on this +point fashion and good taste agree. The full beard is now more common +than the shaven face in all our large cities. + +In the dressing of the hair there is room for the display of a great +deal of taste and judgment. The style should vary with the different +forms of face. Lardner's "Young Ladies' Manual" has the following +hints to the gentler sex. Gentlemen can modify them to suit their +case: + +"After a few experiments, a lady may very easily decide what mode of +dressing her hair, and what head-dress renders her face most +attractive. + +"Ringlets hanging about the forehead suit almost every one. On the +other hand, the fashion of putting the hair smoothly, and drawing it +back on either side, is becoming to few; it has a look of vanity +instead of simplicity: the face must do every thing for it, which is +asking too much, especially as hair, in its pure state, is the +ornament intended for it by nature. Hair is to the human aspect what +foliage is to the landscape. + +"Light hair is generally most becoming when curled. For a round face, +the curls should be made in short, half ringlets, reaching a little +below the ears. For an oval face, long and thick ringlets are +suitable; but if the face be thin and sharp, the ringlets should be +light, and not too long, nor too many in number. + +"When dark hair is curled, the ringlets should never fall in heavy +masses upon the shoulders. Open braids are very beautiful when made of +dark hair; they are also becoming to light-haired persons. A simple +and graceful mode of arranging the hair is to fold the front locks +behind the ears, permitting the ends to fall in a couple of ringlets +on either side behind. + +"Another beautiful mode of dressing the hair, and one very appropriate +in damp weather, when it will keep in curl, is to loop up the ringlets +with small hair-pins on either side of the face and behind the ears, +and pass a light band of braided hair over them. + +"Persons with very long, narrow heads may wear the hair knotted very +low at the back of the neck. If the head be long, but not very narrow, +the back hair may be drawn to one side, braided in a thick braid, and +wound around the head. When the head is round, the hair should be +formed in a braid in the middle of the back of the head. If the braid +be made to resemble a basket, and a few curls permitted to fall from +within it, the shape of the head is much improved." + + +VII.--ART _VS._ FASHION. + +Observe that we have been laying down some of the maxims deduced from +the principles of art and taste, in their application to dress, and +not promulgating the edicts of Fashion. If there is a lack of harmony +on some points, between the two, it is not our fault. We have +endeavored to give you some useful hints in reference to the beautiful +and the fitting in costume, based on a higher law than the enactments +of the fashion-makers. You must judge for yourself how far you can +make the latter bend to the former. We have been talking of dress as +an individual matter. In future chapters we shall have occasion to +refer to it in its relation to the usages of society. + + +VIII.--SIGNS OF "THE GOOD TIME COMING." + +N. P. Willis, in the _Home Journal_, writing on the dress-reform +agitation, thus closes his disquisition: + +"We repeat, that we see signs which look to us as if the present +excitement as to _one_ fashion were turning into a universal inquiry +as to the sense or propriety of _any fashion at all_. When the subject +shall have been fully discussed, and public attention fully awakened, +common sense will probably take the direction of the matter, and +opinion will settle in some shape which, at least, may reject former +excesses and absurdities. Some moderate similarity of dress is +doubtless necessary, and there are proper times and places for long +dresses and short dresses. These and other points the ladies are +likely to come to new decisions about. While they consult health, +cleanliness, and convenience, however, we venture to express a hope +that they will _get rid of the present slavish uniformity_--that what +is becoming to each may be worn without fear of unfashionableness, and +that in this way we may see every woman dressed somewhat differently +and to her own best advantage, and the _proportion of beauty largely +increased_, as it would, thereby, most assuredly be." + + +FOOTNOTE: + +[A] "Hints toward Physical Perfection; or, How to Acquire and Retain +Beauty, Grace, and Strength, and Secure Long Life and Perpetual +Youth." + + + + +III. + +SELF-CULTURE + + There is no man who can so easily and so naturally become in + all points a Gentleman Knight, without fear and without + reproach, as a true American Republican.--_James Parton._ + + +I.-MORAL AND SOCIAL TRAINING. + +Having given due attention to your personal habits and dress, consider +what special errors still remain to be corrected, or what deficiencies +to be supplied, and carefully and perseveringly apply yourself to the +required self-training. + +If you are sensible of an inadequate development of any of those +faculties or feelings on which good manners are based, set yourself at +once about the work of cultivation, remembering that the legitimate +exercise of any organ or function necessarily tends to its +development. Look first to conscientiousness. It is hardly possible +for you to acquire genuine good manners without an acute sense of +equity. Accustom yourself to a sacred regard for the rights of others, +even in the minutest matters, and in the most familiar intercourse of +the family or social circle. In a similar manner cultivate +Benevolence, Veneration, Adhesiveness, Agreeableness, Ideality, and +the moral, social, and esthetic faculties in general. Go out of your +way, if necessary, to perform acts of kindness and friendship; never +omit the "thank you" which is due for the slightest possible favor, +whether rendered by the highest or the lowest; be always bland and +genial; respect times, places, observances, and especially persons; +and put yourself in the way of all possible elevating and refining +influences. Manners have their origin in the mind and the heart. +Manners do not make the man, as is sometimes asserted; but the man +makes the manners. It is true, however, that the manners react upon +mind and heart, continually developing and improving the qualities out +of which they spring. + +You are placed in a particular community, or you are invited or wish +to gain admittance into a certain circle. Different communities and +circles require, to some extent, different qualifications. Ascertain +what you lack and acquire it as speedily as possible; but remember +that good sense and good nature are out of place in no company. + + +II.--LANGUAGE. + +Conversation plays an important part in the intercourse of society. It +is a great and valuable accomplishment to be able to talk well. +Cultivate language and the voice. Learn to express yourself with +correctness, ease, and elegance. This subject is worthy of all the +time and study you can give to it. "How to Talk: a Pocket Manual of +Conversation and Debate," which forms one of this series of +"Hand-Books for Home Improvement," will give you all necessary aid in +this department. + + +III.--POSITION AND MOVEMENT. + +Study also the graces of manner, motion, and position. Grace is +natural, no doubt, but most of us have nearly lost sight of nature. It +is often with the greatest difficulty that we find our way back to her +paths. It seems a simple and easy thing to walk, and a still easier +and simpler thing to stand or sit, but not one in twenty perform +either of these acts with ease and grace. There are a hundred little +things connected with attitude, movement, the carriage of the arms, +the position of the feet and the like, which, though seemingly +unimportant are really essential to elegance and ease. Never despise +these little things, or be ashamed to acquire the smallest grace by +study and practice. + +You desire to be a person of "good standing" in society. How _do_ you +stand? We refer now to the artistic or esthetic point of view. If you +are awkward, you are more likely to manifest your awkwardness in +standing than in walking. Do you know where to put your feet and what +to do with your hands? In the absence of any better rule or example, +try to forget your limbs, and let them take care of themselves. But +observe the attitudes which sculptors give to their statues; and study +also those of children, which are almost always graceful, because +natural. Avoid, on the one hand, the stiffness of the soldier, and, on +the other, the ape-like suppleness of the dancing-master; and let +there be no straining, no fidgeting, no uneasy shifting of position. +You should stand on _both_ feet, bearing a little more heavily on one +than the other. The same general principles apply to the sitting +posture. This may be either graceful, dignified, and elegant, or +awkward, abject, and uncouth. The latter class of qualities may be got +rid of and the former acquired, and depend upon it, it is a matter of +some consequence which of them characterizes your position and +movements. Walking is not so difficult an accomplishment as standing +and sitting, but should receive due attention. It has a very close +connection with character, and either of them may be improved or +deteriorated through the other. A close observer and a sensible and +trustworthy monitor of their own sex thus enumerates some of the +common faults of women in their "carriage," or manner of walking: + +"Slovenliness in walking characterizes some. They go shuffling along, +precisely as if their shoes were down at the heel--"slipshod"--and +they could not lift up their feet in consequence. If it is dusty or +sandy, they kick up the dust before them and fill their skirts with +it. This is exceedingly ungraceful. If I were a gentleman, I really do +not think I could marry a lady who walked like this; she would appear +so very undignified, and I could not be proud of her. + +"Some have another awkwardness. They lift up their feet so high that +their knees are sent out before them showing the movement through the +dress. They always seem to be leaving their skirts behind them, +instead of carrying them gracefully about them. Some saunter along so +loosely they seem to be hung on wires; others are as stiff as if they +supposed only straight lines were agreeable to the eye; and others, +again, run the chin forward considerably in advance of the breast, +looking very silly and deficient in self-respect. + +"Sometimes a lady walks so as to turn up her dress behind every time +she puts her foot back, and I have seen a well-dressed woman made to +look very awkward by elevating her shoulders slightly and pushing her +elbows too far behind her. Some hold their hands up to the waist, and +press their arms against themselves as tightly as if they were glued +there; others swing them backward and forward, as a business man walks +along the street. _Too short_ steps detract from dignity very much, +forming a mincing pace; too long steps are masculine. + +"Some walk upon the ball of the foot very flatly and clumsily; others +come down upon the heel as though a young elephant was moving; and +others, again, ruin their shoes and their appearance by walking upon +the side of the foot. Many practice a stoop called the Grecian bend, +and when they are thirty, will pass well, unless the face be seen, for +fifty years' old." + +Gymnastics, dancing, and the military drill are excellent auxiliaries +in the work of physical training, though all of them may be, and +constantly are, abused. We can not illustrate their application here. +They will receive the attention they deserve in "Hints toward Physical +Perfection," already referred to as in preparation. + + +IV.--SELF-COMMAND. + +Without perfect self-control you are constantly liable to do something +amiss, and your other social qualifications will avail little. You +must not only be fully conscious who you are, what you are, where you +are, and what you are about, but you must also have an easy and +complete control of all your words and actions, and feel _at home_ +wherever you are. You are liable to lose this self-command either +through bashfulness or excitement. The former is one of the greatest +obstacles with which a majority of young people have to contend. It +can be overcome by _resolute effort_ and the cultivation of +self-respect and self-reliance. Do not allow it to keep you out of +society. You will not conquer it by such a course. You might as +reasonably expect to learn to swim without going into the water. + + +V.--OBSERVATION. + +One of the best means of improvement in manners is observation. In +company, where you are in doubt in reference to any rule or form, be +quiet and observe what others do, and govern your conduct by theirs; +but except in mere external forms, beware of a servile imitation. Seek +to understand the principles which underlie the observances you +witness, and to become imbued with the spirit of the society (if good) +in which you move, rather than to copy particulars in the manners of +any one. + + +VI.--PRACTICAL LESSONS. + +But the most important instrumentality for the promotion of the +externals of good manners is constant practice in the actual every-day +intercourse of society; and without this our instructions and your +study will both be thrown away. Begin now, to-day, with the next +person you meet or address. + + + + +IV. + +FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES. + + Courtesy is the beautiful part of morality, justice carried to + the utmost, rectitude refined, magnanimity in trifles.--_Life + Illustrated._ + + +I.--MANNERS AND MORALS. + +Good manners and good morals are founded on the same eternal +principles of right, and are only different expressions of the same +great truths. Both grow out of the necessities of our existence and +relations. We have individual rights based on the fact of our +individual being; and we have social duties resulting from our +connection, in the bonds of society, with other individuals who have +similar rights. Morals and manners alike, while they justify us in +asserting and maintaining our own rights, require us scrupulously to +respect, in word and act, the rights of others. It is true that the +former, in the common comprehension of the term, is satisfied with +simple justice in all our relations, while the latter often requires +something more than the strictest conscientiousness can demand--a +yielding of more than half the road--an exercise of the sentiment of +benevolence, as well as of equity; but the highest morality really +makes the same requisition, for it includes politeness, and recognizes +deeds of kindness as a duty. + + +II.--RIGHTS. + +In this country we need no incitements to the assertion and +maintenance of our rights, whether individual or national. We are +ready at all times to do battle for them either with the tongue, the +pen, or the sword, as the case may require. Even women have discovered +that _they_ have rights, and he must be a bold man indeed who dares +call them in question. Yes, we all, men, women, and children, have +rights, and are forward enough in claiming then. Are we equally ready +to respect the rights of others? + + +III.--DUTIES. + +Out of rights grow duties; the first of which is to live an honest, +truthful, self-loyal life, acting and speaking always and everywhere +in accordance with the laws of our being, as revealed in our own +physical and mental organization. It is by the light of this fact that +we must look upon all social requirements, whether in dress, manners, +or morals. All that is fundamental and genuine in these will be found +to harmonize with universal principles, and consequently with our +primary duty in reference to ourselves. + + +1. _The Senses._ + +Whenever and wherever we come in contact with our fellow-men, there +arises a question of rights, and consequently of duties. We have +alluded incidentally to some of them, in speaking of habits and dress. +The senses of each individual have their rights, and it is your duty +to respect them. The eye has a claim upon you for so much of beauty in +form, color, arrangement, position, and movement as you are able to +present to it. A French author has written a book, the aim of which is +to show that it is the duty of a pretty woman to look pretty. It is +the duty of _all_ women, and all men too, to look and behave just as +well as they can, and whoever fails in this, fails in good manners and +in duty. The ear demands agreeable tones and harmonious combinations +of tones--pleasant words and sweet songs. If you indulge in loud +talking, in boisterous and untimely laughter, or in profane or vulgar +language, or sing out of tune, you violate its rights and offend good +manners. The sense of smell requires pleasant odors for its enjoyment. +Fragrance is its proper element. To bring the fetid odor of unwashed +feet or filthy garments, or the stench of bad tobacco or worse whisky, +or the offensive scent of onions or garlics within its sphere, is an +act of impoliteness. The sense of taste asks for agreeable flavors, +and has a right to the best we can give in the way of palatable foods +and drinks. The sense of feeling, though less cultivated and not so +sensitive as the others, has its rights too, and is offended by too +great coarseness, roughness, and hardness. It has a claim on us for a +higher culture. + + +2. _The Faculties._ + +And if the senses have their rights, we must admit that the higher +faculties and feelings of our nature are at least equally dowered in +this respect. You can not trespass upon one of them without a +violation of good manners. We can not go into a complete exposition of +the "bill of rights" of each. You can analyze them for yourself, and +learn the nature of their claims upon you. In the mean time, we will +touch upon a point or two here and there. + + +3. _Opinions._ + +Each person has a right to his or her opinions, and to the expression +of them _on proper occasions_, and there is no duty more binding upon +us all than the most complete and respectful toleration. The author of +"The Illustrated Manners Book" truly says: + +"_Every denial of, or interference with, the personal freedom or +absolute rights of another, is a violation of good manners._ He who +presumes to censure me for my religious belief, or want of belief; who +makes it a matter of criticism or reproach that I am a Theist or +Atheist, Trinitarian or Unitarian, Catholic or Protestant, Pagan or +Christian, Jew, Mohammedan, or Mormon, is guilty of rudeness and +insult. If any of these modes of belief make me intolerant or +intrusive, he may resent such intolerance or repel such intrusion; but +the basis of all true politeness and social enjoyment is the mutual +tolerance of personal rights." + + +4. _The Sacredness of Privacy._ + +Here is another passage from the author just quoted which is so much +to the point that we can not forbear to copy it: + +"One of the rights most commonly trespassed upon constituting a +violent breach of good manners, is the right of privacy, or of the +control of one's own person and affairs. There are places in this +country where there exists scarcely the slightest recognition of this +right. A man or woman bolts into your house without knocking. No room +is sacred unless you lock the door, and an exclusion would be an +insult. Parents intrude upon children, and children upon parents. The +husband thinks he has a right to enter his wife's room, and the wife +would feel injured if excluded, by night or day, from her husband's. +It is said that they even open each other's letters, and claim, as a +right, that neither should have any secrets from the other. + +"It in difficult to conceive of such a state of intense barbarism in a +civilized country, such a denial of the simplest and most primitive +rights, such an utter absence of delicacy and good manners; and had we +not been assured on good authority that such things existed, we +should consider any suggestions respecting them needless and +impertinent. + +"Each person in a dwelling should, if possible, have a room as sacred +from intrusion as the house is to the family. No child, grown to years +of discretion, should be outraged by intrusion. No relation, however +intimate, can justify it. So the trunks, boxes, packets, papers, and +letters of every individual, locked or unlocked, sealed or unsealed, +are sacred. It is ill manners even to open a book-case, or to read a +written paper lying open, without permission expressed or implied. +Books in an open case or on a center-table, cards in a card-case, and +newspapers, are presumed to be open for examination. Be careful where +you go, what you read, and what you handle, particularly in private +apartments." + +This right to privacy extends to one's business, his personal +relations, his thoughts, and his feelings. _Don't intrude_; and always +"mind your own business," which means, by implication, that you must +let other people's business alone. + + +5. _Conformity._ + +You must conform, to such an extent as not to annoy and give offense, +to the customs, whether in dress or other matters, of the circle in +which you move. This conformity is an implied condition in the social +compact. It is a practical recognition of the right of others, and +shows merely a proper regard for their opinions and feelings. If you +can not sing in tune with the rest, or on the same key, remain silent. +You may be right and the others wrong but that does not alter the +case. Convince them, if you can, and bring them to your pitch, but +never mar even a low accord. So if you can not adapt your dress and +manners to the company in which you find yourself, the sooner you take +your leave the better. You may and should endeavor, in a proper way, +to change such customs and fashions as you may deem wrong, or +injurious in their tendency, but, in the mean time, you have no right +to violate them. You may choose your company, but, having chosen it, +you must conform to its rules til you can change them. You are not +compelled to reside in Rome; but if you choose to live there, you must +"do as the Romans do." + +The rules which should govern your conduct, as an isolated individual, +were such a thing as isolation possible in the midst of society, are +modified by your relations to those around you. This life of ours is a +complex affair, and our greatest errors arise from our one-side views +of it. We are sovereign individuals, and are born with certain +"inalienable rights;" but we are also members of that larger +individual society, and our rights can not conflict with the duties +which grow out of that relation. If by means of our non-conformity we +cause ourselves to be cut off, like an offending hand, or plucked out, +like an offending eye, our usefulness is at once destroyed. + +It is related of a certain king that on a particular occasion he +turned his tea into his saucer, contrary to his custom and to the +etiquette of society, because two country ladies, whose hospitalities +he was enjoying, did so. That king was a _gentleman_; and this +anecdote serves to illustrate an important principle; namely, that +_true politeness and genuine good manners often not only permit, but +absolutely demand, a violation of some of the arbitrary rules of +etiquette_. + +The _highest law_ demands complete HARMONY in all spheres and in all +relations. + + +IV.--EQUALITY. + +In the qualified sense which no doubt Mr. Jefferson affixed to the +term in his own mind, "all men _are_ created free and _equal_." The +"noble Oracle" himself had long before as explicitly asserted the +natural equality of man. In 1739, thirty-seven years before the +Declaration of Independence was penned, Lord Chesterfield wrote: "We +are of the same species, and no distinction whatever is between us, +except that which arises from fortune. For example, your footman and +Lizette would be your equals were they as rich as you. Being poor, +they are obliged to serve you. Therefore you must not add to their +misfortune by insulting or ill-treating them. A good heart never +reminds people of their misfortune, but endeavors to alleviate, or, if +possible, to make them forget it." + +The writer in _Life Illustrated_, quoted in a previous chapter, states +the case very clearly as follows: + +"It is in the sacredness of their rights that men are equal. The +smallest injustice done to the smallest man on earth is an offense +against all men; an offense which all men have a personal and equal +interest in avenging. If John Smith picks my pocket, the cause in +court is correctly entitled, 'The PEOPLE _versus_ John Smith.' The +whole State of New York has taken up my quarrel with John, and arrays +itself against John in awful majesty; because the pockets, the +interests, the rights of a man are _infinitely_, and therefore +_equally_, sacred. + +"The conviction of this truth is the beginning and basis of the +science of republican etiquette, which acknowledges no _artificial_ +distinctions. Its leading principle is, that courtesy is due to all +men from all men; from the servant to the served; from the served to +the servant; and from both for precisely the same reason, namely, +because both are human beings and _fellow_-citizens!" + + +V.--A REMARK OR TWO TO BE REMEMBERED. + +We purpose, in succeeding chapters, to set forth briefly but clearly, +what the actual requirements of good society are in reference to +behavior. You must look at these in the light of the general +principles we have already laid down. It is not for us to say how far +you ought or can conform to any particular custom, usage, or rule of +etiquette. We believe that even the most arbitrary and capricious of +them either have or have had a reason and a meaning. In many cases, +however, the reason may no longer exist, and the form be meaningless; +or while it embodies what is a living truth to others, you may have +outgrown it or advanced beyond it. _You have an undoubted right, +politely but firmly, to decline to do what seems to you, looking upon +the matter from your highest stand-point, to be clearly wrong, and it +is no breach of good manners to do so_; but at the same time you +should avoid, as far as possible, putting yourself in positions which +call for the exercise of this right. If you can not conscientiously +wear a dress coat, or a stove-pipe hat, or cut your hair, or eat +flesh-meat, or drink wine, you will naturally avoid, under ordinary +circumstances, the circles in which non-conformity in these matters +would be deemed a breach of good manners. When it is necessary that +you should mingle with people whose customs you can not follow in all +points without a violation of principle, you will courteously, and +with proper respect for what they probably think entirely right, fall +back upon the "higher law;" but if it is a mere matter of gloved or +ungloved hands, cup or saucer, fork or knife, you will certainly have +the courtesy and good sense to conform to usage. + + + + +V. + +DOMESTIC MANNERS. + + Home is a little world of itself, and furnishes a sphere for + the exercise of every virtue and for the experience of every + pleasure or pain. If one profit not by its opportunities, he + will be likely to pay dearly for less agreeable lessons in + another school.--_Harrison._ + + +I.--A TEST OF GOOD MANNERS. + +Good manners are not to be put on and off with one's best clothes. +Politeness is an article for every-day wear. If you don it only on +special and rare occasions, it will be sure to sit awkwardly upon you. +If you are not well behaved in your own family circle, you will hardly +be truly so anywhere, however strictly you may conform to the +observances of good breeding, when in society. The true gentleman or +lady is a gentleman or lady at all times and in all places--at home as +well as abroad--in the field, or workshop, or in the kitchen, as well +as in the parlor. A snob is--a _snob_ always and everywhere. + +If you see a man behave in a rude and uncivil manner to his father or +mother, his brothers or sisters, his wife or children; or fail to +exercise the common courtesies of life at his own table and around his +own fireside, you may at once set him down as a boor, whatever +_pretensions_ he may make to gentility. + +Dc not fall into the absurd error of supposing that you may do as you +please at home--that is, unless you please to behave in a perfectly +gentlemanly or ladylike manner. The same rights exist there as +elsewhere, and the same duties grow out of them, while the natural +respect and affection which should be felt by each member of the +family for all the other members, add infinitely to their sacredness. +Let your good manners, then, begin at home. + + +II.--PARENTS AND CHILDREN. + +American children (we are sorry to be obliged to say it) are not, as a +general rule, well behaved. They are rude and disrespectful, if not +disobedient. They inspire terror rather than love in the breasts of +strangers and all persons who seek quiet and like order. In our +drawing-rooms, on board our steamers, in our railway cars and stage +coaches, they usually contrive to make themselves generally and +particularly disagreeable by their familiarity, forwardness, and +pertness. "Young America" can not brook restraint, has no conception +of superiority, and reverences nothing. His ideas of equality admit +neither limitation nor qualification. He is born with a full +comprehension of his own individual rights, but is slow in learning +his social duties. Through whose fault comes this state of things? +American boys and girls have naturally as much good sense and +good-nature as those of any other nation, and, when well trained, no +children are more courteous and agreeable. The fault lies in their +education. In the days of our grandfathers, children were taught +manners at school--a rather rude, backwoods sort of manners, it is +true, but better than the no manners at all of the present day. We +must blame parents in this matter rather than their children. If you +would have your children grow up beloved and respected by their elders +as well as their contemporaries, teach them good manners in their +childhood. The young sovereign should first learn to obey, that he may +be the better fitted to command in his turn. + +Those who are old enough to study this book, are old enough to take +the matter in to their own hands, and remedy the defects and supply +the deficiencies of their early education. We beg them to commence at +once, and _at home_. + +Allow no false ideas of "liberty and equality" to cause you to forget +for a moment the deference due to your father and your mother. The +fifth commandment has not been and can not be abrogated. We commend to +you the example of the Father of his Country. Look into the life of +Washington, and mark what tender and respectful attentions +characterized his intercourse with his only surviving parent. _He_ +never, we venture to say, spoke of his mother as "the old woman," or +addressed her with incivility. "Never," an old friend of yours adjures +you, "let youthful levity or the example of others betray you into +forgetfulness of the claims of your parents or elders to a certain +deference." Nature, a counselor still more sage, we doubt not, has +written the same injunction upon your heart. _Let your manners do +justice to your feelings!_ + +"Toward your father," that polished and courtly "gentleman of the old +school," the author of the "American Gentleman's Guide to Politeness +and Fashion," says, "preserve always a deferential manner, mingled +with a certain frankness indicating that thorough confidence--that +entire understanding of each other, which is the best guarantee of +good sense in both, and of inestimable value to every young man +blessed with a right-minded parent. Accept the advice dictated by +experience with respect, receive even reproof without impatience of +manner, and hasten to prove afterward that you cherish no resentful +remembrance of what may have seemed to you too great severity or a too +manifest assumption of authority.... In the inner temple of _home_, as +well as where the world looks on, render him reverence due. + +"There should be mingled with the habitual deference and attention +that marks your manner to your mother the indescribable tenderness +and rendering back of care and watchfulness that betokens remembrance +of early days. No other woman should ever induce you to forget this +truest, most disinterested friend, nor should your manner ever +indicate even momentary indifference to her wishes or her affection." + + +III.--BROTHERS AND SISTERS. + +The intercourse of brothers and sisters should be marked by the +frankness and familiarity befitting their intimate relation; but this +certainly does not preclude the exercise of all the little courtesies +of life. Young man, be polite to your sister. She is a woman, and all +women have claims on you for courteous attentions; and the affection +which exists between you adds tenfold to the sacredness of the claims +she has upon you, not only for protection, but for the exercise toward +her of all the sweet amenities of life. Except your mother and your +wife or affianced mistress (if you have one), no one can possibly have +an equal right to your attentions. If you are young and have neither +wife nor lady-love, let your mother and your sisters be to you the +embodiment of all that is tenderest, most beautiful, and best in the +human world. You can have no better school than your daily intercourse +with them, to fit you for female society in general. The young man who +loves his sisters and always treats them with the politeness, +deference, and kindness which is their due, is almost certain to be a +favorite with their sex generally; so, _as you value your reputation +for good manners and your success with other ladies, fail in no act of +courtesy to your sisters_. + +The gentle and loving sister will need no injunction to treat an +affectionate, polite, and attentive brother with the tender and +respectful consideration which such a brother deserves. The charming +little courtesies which you practice so gracefully in your +intercourse with other gentlemen will not, you may be sure, be lost +upon him. True politeness is never lost, and never out of place; and +nowhere does it appear more attractive than at home. + +Stiff formality and cold ceremoniousness are repulsive anywhere, and +are particularly so in the family circle; but the easy, frank, and +genial intercourse of the fireside, instead of being marred, is +refined and made still more delightful by courtesy. + + +IV.--THE HUSBAND AND WIFE. + +Reader, are you married? But excuse us, if the question is not a +proper one. If you are not, you doubtless hope to be, sooner or later, +and therefore we will address you just as if you were. + +The husband should never cease to be a _lover_, or fail in any of +those delicate attentions and tender expressions of affectionate +solicitude which marked his intercourse before marriage with his +heart's queen. All the respectful deference, every courteous +observance, all the self-sacrificing devotion that can be claimed by a +mistress is certainly due to a wife, and he is no true husband and no +true _gentleman_ who withholds them. It is not enough that you honor, +respect, and love your wife. You must put this honor, respect, and +love into the forms of speech and action. Let no unkind word, no +seeming indifference, no lack of the little attentions due her, remind +her sadly of the sweet days of courtship and the honey-moon. Surely +the love you thought would have been cheaply purchased at the price of +a world is worth all you care to preserve. Is not the wife more, and +better, and dearer than the sweetheart? We venture to hint that it is +probably your own fault if she is not. + +The chosen companion of your life, the mother of your children, the +sharer of all your joys and sorrows, as she possesses the highest +place in your affections, should have the best place everywhere, the +choicest morsels, the politest attentions, the softest, kindest words, +the tenderest care. Love, duty, and good manners alike require it. + +And has the wife no duties? Have the courteous observances, the tender +watchfulness, the pleasant words, the never-tiring devotion, which won +your smiles, your spoken thanks, your kisses, your very self, in days +gone by, now lost their value? Does not the husband rightly claim as +much, at least, as the lover? If you find him less observant of the +little courtesies due you, may this not be because you sometimes fail +to reward him with the same sweet thanks and sweeter smiles? Ask your +own heart. + +Have the comfort and happiness of your husband always in view, and let +him _see_ and _feel_ that you still look up to him with trust and +affection--that the love of other days has not grown cold. Dress for +his eyes more scrupulously than for all the rest of the world; make +yourself and your home beautiful for his sake; play and sing (if you +can) to please him; try to beguile him from his cares; retain his +affections in the same way you won them, and--be polite even to your +husband. + + +V.--ENTERTAINERS AND THEIR GUESTS. + +Hospitality takes a high rank among the social virtues; but we fear it +is not held in so high esteem as formerly. Its duties are often +fatiguing and irksome, no doubt, and sometimes quite unnecessarily so. +One of the most important maxims of hospitality is, "Let your guests +alone!" If it were generally observed it would save both hosts and +visitors a world of trouble. Your first object should be to make your +guests feel at home. This they never can do while your needless bustle +and obtrusive attentions constantly remind them that they are not at +home, and perhaps make them wish they were. + +You will not, of course, understand us to mean that you should devote +no attention to your guests. On the contrary, you should assiduously +labor to promote their comfort and enjoyment, opening to them every +source of entertainment within your reach; but it should be done in +that easy, delicate, considerate way which will make it seem a matter +of course, and no trouble whatever to you. You should not seem to be +conferring but receiving a favor. + +Begging your visitors to "make themselves at home," does not give them +the home _feeling_. Genuine, unaffected friendliness, and an +unobtrusive and almost unperceived attention to their wants alone will +impart this. Allow their presence to interfere as little as possible +with your domestic arrangements; thus letting them see that their +visit does not disturb you, but that they fall, as it were, naturally +into a vacant place in your household. + +Observe your own feelings when you happen to be the guest of a person +who, though he may be very much your friend, and really glad to see +you, seems not to know what to do either with you or himself; and +again, when in the house of another, you feel as much at ease as in +your own. Mark the difference, more easily felt than described, +between the manners of the two, and deduce therefrom a lesson for your +own improvement. + +Furnish your rooms and table for your guests in as good style as your +means and the circumstances of the case will permit, and make no fuss +about it. To be unnecessarily sparing shows meanness, and to be +extravagantly profuse is absurd as well an ruinous. Probably your +visitors know whether your income is large or small and if they do not +they will soon learn, on that point, all that it is necessary for +them to know. But if any circumstance out of the ordinary course of +things should render an apology necessary, make it at once and say no +more about it. + +Avoid by all means the very common but very foolish habit of +depreciating your own rooms, furniture, or viands, and expressing +uncalled-for regrets that you have nothing better to offer, merely to +give your guests an opportunity politely to contradict you. But you +need not go to the other extreme and extol the meats you set before +them. Say nothing about these matters. + +When visitors show any intention of leaving, you will of course +express the desire you feel to have them stay longer, but good manners +do not require you to endeavor to retain them against their wishes or +sense of duty. It is to be supposed that they know their own affairs +best. + +Guests sometimes forget (if they ever learned) that _they_ have any +duties. We beg leave to jog their memory with the following hints from +the graceful pen of "Mrs. Manners:" + +"To accommodate yourself to the habits and rules of the family, in +regard to hours of rising or retiring, and particularly the hours for +meals, is the first duty of a guest. Inform yourself as soon as +possible when the meals occur--whether there will be a dressing-bell--at +what time they meet for prayers, and thus become acquainted with all the +family regulations. _It is always the better way for a family to adhere +strictly to all their usual habits_; it is a much simpler matter for +one to learn to conform to those than for half a dozen to be thrown out +of a routine, which may be almost indispensable to the fulfillment of +their importunate duties. It certainly must promote the happiness of +any reasonable person to know that his presence is no restraint and +no inconvenience. + +"Your own good sense and delicacy will teach you the desirability of +keeping your room tidy, and your articles of dress and toilet as much +in order as possible. If there is a deficiency of servants, a lady +will certainly not hesitate to make her own bed, and to do for herself +as much as possible, and for the family all that is in her power. I +never saw an elegant lady of my acquaintance appear to better +advantage than when once performing a service which, under other +circumstances, might have been considered menial; yet, in her own +house, she was surrounded by servants, and certainly she never used a +broom or made a bed a her life." + + +VI.--SERVANTS. + +We are all dependent, in one way or another, upon others. At one time +we serve, at another we are served, and we are equally worthy of honor +and respect in the one case as in the other. The man or the woman who +serves us may or may not be our inferior in natural capacity, +learning, manners, or wealth. Be this as it may, the relation in which +we stand to him or her gives us no right beyond the exaction of the +service stipulated or implied in that relation. The right to tyrannize +over our inferiors in social position, to unnecessarily humiliate +them, or to be rude and unkind can not exist, because it would be an +infringement of other rights. Servants have rights as well as those +whom they serve, and the latter have duties as well as the former. We +owe those who labor for us something more than their wages. They have +claims on us for a full recognition of their manhood or womanhood, and +all the rights which grow out of that state. + +The true gentleman is never arrogant, or overbearing, or rude to +domestics or _employees_. His commands are requests, and all +services, no matter how humble the servant, are received with thanks, +as if they were favors. We might say the same with still greater +emphasis of the true lady. There is no surer sign of vulgarity than a +needless assumption of the tone of authority and a haughty and +supercilious bearing toward servants and inferiors in station +generally. It is a small thing to say, "I thank you," but those little +words are often better than gold. No one is too poor to bestow, or too +rich to receive them. + + + + +VI. + +THE OBSERVANCES OF EVERY-DAY LIFE. + + Good manners are the settled medium of social, as specie is of + commercial life: returns are equally expected in both; and + people will no more advance their civility to a bear, than + their money to a bankrupt.--_Chesterfield._ + + +I.--A PRELIMINARY REMARK. + +In going out into the great world which lies outside of home we have +no new principles to lay down for your guidance. Those we have set +forth and illustrated in previous chapters are of universal +application and meet all contingencies. We shall now essay a brief +exposition of the established laws of etiquette, leaving each reader +to judge for himself how far he can and ought to conform to them, and +what modifications they require to adapt them to a change of time, +place, and circumstances. + + +II.--INTRODUCTIONS. + +It is neither necessary nor desirable to introduce everybody to +everybody; and the promiscuous presentations sometimes inflicted upon +us are anything but agreeable. You confer no favor on us, and only a +nominal one on the person presented, by making us acquainted with one +whom we do not desire to know; and you _may_ inflict a positive injury +upon both. Yon also put yourself in an unpleasant position; for "an +introduction is a social indorsement," and yell become to a certain +extent responsible for the person you introduce. If he disgraces +himself in any way you share, in a greater or less degree, in his +disgrace. Be as cautious in this matter as you would in writing your +name on the back of another man's note. + +As a general rule, no gentleman should be presented to a lady without +her permission being previously obtained. Between gentlemen this +formality is not always necessary, but you should have good reason to +believe that the acquaintance will be agreeable to both, before +introducing any persons to each other. If a gentleman requests you to +present him to another gentleman who is his superior in social +position, or to a lady, you should either obtain permission of the +latter, or decline to accede to his request, on the ground that you +are not sufficiently intimate yourself to take the liberty. + +If you are walking with a friend, and are met or joined by another, it +is not necessary to introduce them to each other; but you may do so if +you think they would be glad to become acquainted. The same rule will +apply to other accidental meetings. + +When two men call upon a stranger on a matter of business, each should +present the other. + +The inferior should be introduced to the superior--the gentleman to +the lady, as, "Miss Brown, permit me to introduce Mr. Smith." A lady +may, however, be introduced to a gentleman much her superior in age or +station. Gentlemen and ladies who are presumed to be equals in age and +position are mutually introduced; as, "Mr. Wilson, allow me to make +you acquainted with Mr. Parker; Mr. Parker, Mr. Wilson." + +In presenting persons be very careful to speak their names plainly; +and on being introduced to another, if you do not catch the name, say, +without hesitation or embarrassment, "I beg your pardon, I did not +hear the name." + +It is the common custom in this country to shake hands on being +introduced. It is better that this should be optional with the person +to whom you are presented or with you, if you stood in the position +of the superior. If a lady or a superior in age or social position +offers the hand, you of course accept it cordially. You will have too +much self-respect to be the first to extend the hand in such a case. +In merely formal introductions a bow is enough. Feeling should govern +in this matter. + +In introducing members of your own family you should always mention +the name. Say, "My father Mr. Jones," "My daughter Miss Jones," or +"Miss Mary Jones." Your wife is simply "Mrs. Jones;" and if there +happen to be another Mrs. Jones in the family, she may be "Mrs. Jones, +my sister-in-law," etc. To speak of your wife as "my lady," or enter +yourselves on a hotel register as Mr. Jones and lady, is particularly +_snobbish_. + +Introductions by letter are subject to the same general rules as +verbal ones: we should, however, be still more cautious in giving +them; but for directions on this point, as well as forms for letters +of introduction, see "How to Write," Chapter IX. + +But may we not speak to a person without an introduction? In many +cases we most certainly may and should. There is no reason in the +world why two persons who may occupy the same seat in a railway car or +a stage coach should remain silent during the whole journey because +they have not been introduced, when conversation might be agreeable to +both. The same remark will apply to many other occasions. You are not +obliged, however to know these _extempore_ acquaintances afterward. + +If you are a gentleman, do not, we beg you, permit the lack of an +introduction to prevent you from promptly offering your services to +any unattended lady who may need them. Take off your hat and politely +beg the honor of protecting, escorting, or assisting her, and when the +service has been accomplished, bow and retire. + + +III.--SALUTATIONS. + +"Salutation," a French writer says, "is the touchstone of good +breeding." Your good sense will teach you that it should vary in style +with persons, times, places, and circumstances. You will meet an +intimate friend with a hearty shake of the hand and an inquiry +indicative of real interest, in reference to his health and that of +his family. To another person you how respectfully without speaking. A +slight note of recognition suffices in another case. But you should +never come into the presence of any person, unless you feel at liberty +to ignore their existence altogether, without some form of salutation. +If you meet in company a person with whom you have a quarrel, it is +better in general to bow coldly and ceremoniously than to seem not to +see him. + +It is a great rudeness not to return a salutation, no matter how +humble the person who salutes you. "A bow," La Fontaine says, "is a +note drawn at sight. If you acknowledge it, you must pay the full +amount." The two best bred men in England, Charles the Second and +George the Fourth, never failed to take off their hats to the meanest +of their subjects. A greater man than either, and a true "gentleman of +the old school," George Washington, was wont to lift his hat even to +the poor negro slave, who took off his as that great man passed. + + +IV.--RECEPTIONS. + +The duty of receiving visitors usually devolves upon the mistress of +the house, and should be performed in an easy, quiet, and self +possessed manner, and without any unnecessary ceremony. In this way +you will put your guests at their ease, and make their call or visit +pleasant both to them and to yourself. From a little book before us +entitled "Etiquette for Ladies," we condense a few useful hints on +this subject: + +"When any one enters, whether announced or not, rise immediately, +advance toward him, and request him to sit down. If it is a young man, +_offer_ him an arm-chair, or a stuffed one; if an elderly man, +_insist_ upon his _accepting_ the arm-chair; if a lady, beg her to be +seated upon the sofa. If the master of the house receives the +visitors, he will take a chair and place himself at a little distance +from them; if, on the contrary, it is the mistress of the house, and +if she is intimate with the lady who visits her, she will place +herself near her. If several ladies come at once, we give the most +honorable place to the one who, from age or other considerations, is +most entitled to respect. In winter, the most honorable places are +those at the corners of the fireplace. + +"If the visitor is a stranger, the master or mistress of the house +rises, and any persons who may be already in the room should do the +same. If some of them then withdraw, the master or mistress of the +house should conduct them as far as the door. But whoever the person +may be who departs, if we have other company, we may dispense with +conducting farther than the door of the room." + +Quiet self-possession and unaffected courtesy will enable you to make +even a ceremonious morning call tolerable, if not absolutely pleasant +to both the caller and yourself. + + +V.--VISITS AND CALLS. + +Visits are of various kinds, each of which has its own terms and +observances. There are visits of ceremony, visits of congratulation, +visits of condolence, visits of friendship. + +Visits of ceremony, though they take up a large share of the time of +the fashionable lady, are very stupid affairs as a general thing, and +have little to recommend them except--Fashion. The best thing about +them is that they may and should be short. + +You pay visits of congratulation to your friends on the occurrence of +any particularly auspicious event in his family, or on his appointment +to any office or dignity. + +Visits of condolence should be made within the week after the event +which calls for them. + +Let visits of friendship be governed by friendship's own laws, and the +universal principles of good manners. We shall give no particular +rules for the regulation of their time or their length. + +"Morning calls," the "Illustrated Manners Book" says "are the small +change of social commerce; parties and assemblies are the heavy +drafts. A call is not less than ten nor more than twenty minutes in +the city; in the country a little longer. The time for a morning call +is between eleven and two o'clock, unless your friends are so +fashionable as to dine at five or six, in which case you can call from +twelve to three. Morning, in fashionable parlance, means any time +before dinner." + +In a morning call or visit of ceremony, the gentleman takes his hat +and cane, if he carries one, into the room. The lady does not take off +her bonnet and shawl. In attending ladies who are making morning +calls, a gentleman assists them up the steps, rings the bell, +_follows_ them into the room, and waits till they have finished their +salutations, unless he has a part to perform in presenting them. +Ladies should always be the first to rise in terminating a visa, and +when they have made their _adieux_ their cavaliers repeat the +ceremony, and follow them out. + +Soiled overshoes or wet garments should not be worn into any room +devoted to the use of ladies. Gentlemen must never remain seated in +the company of ladies with whom he is ceremoniously associated, while +they are standing. Always relieve ladies of their parcels, parasols, +shawls, etc. whenever this will conduce to their convenience.[B] + +If you call on a person who is "engaged," or "not at home," leave your +card. If there are several persons you desire to see, leave a card for +each, or desire a servant to present your compliments to them +severally. All visits should be returned, personally or by card, just +as one should speak when spoken to, or answer a respectful letter. + +In visiting at a hotel, do not enter your friend's room till your card +has announced you. If not at home, send your card to his room with +your address written upon it as well as the name of the person for +whom it is intended, to avoid mistakes.[C] + +When you are going abroad, intending to be absent for some time, you +inclose your card in an envelope, having first, written T. T. L. [to +take leave], or P. P. C. [_pour prendre conge_] upon it--for a man the +former is better--and direct it outside to the person for whom it is +intended. In taking leave of a _family_, you send as many cards as you +would if you were paying an ordinary visit. When you return from your +voyage, all the persons to whom, before going, you have sent cards, +will pay you the first visit. If, previously to a voyage or his +marriage, any one should not send his card to another, it is to be +understood that he wishes the acquaintance to cease. The person, +therefore, who is thus _dis_carded, should never again visit the +other.[D] + +Visiting cards should be engraved or handsomely written. Those +printed on type are considered vulgar, simply, no doubt, because they +are cheap. A gentleman's card should be of medium size, unglazed, +ungilt, and perfectly plain. A lady's card may be larger and finer, +and should be carried in a card-case. + +If you should happen to be paying an evening visit at a house, where, +unknown to you, there is a small party assembled, you should enter and +present yourself precisely as you would have done had you been +invited. To retire precipitately with an apology for the intrusion +would create a _scene_, and be extremely awkward. Go in, therefore, +converse with ease for a few moments, and then retire. + +In making morning calls, usage allows a gentleman to wear a frock +coat, or a sack coat, if the latter happen to be in fashion. The frock +coat is now, in this country, _tolerated_ at dinner-parties, and even +at a ball, but is not considered in good _ton_ or style. + +"Ladies," according to the authority of a writer of their own sex, +"should make morning calls in an elegant and simple _neglige_, all the +details of which we can not give, on account of their multiplicity and +the numerous modifications of fashion. It is necessary for them, when +visiting at this time, to arrange their toilet with great care." + + +VI.--APPOINTMENTS. + +Be exact in keeping all appointments. It is better never to avail +yourself of even the quarter of an hour's grace sometimes allowed. + +If you make an appointment with another at your own house, you should +be invisible to the rest of the world, and consecrate your time solely +to him. + +If you accept an appointment at the house of a public officer or a +man of business, be very punctual, transact the affair with dispatch, +and retire the moment it is finished. + +At a dinner or supper to which you have accepted an invitation, be +absolutely punctual. It is very annoying to arrive an hour before the +rest, and still worse to be too late. If you find yourself in the +latter predicament on an occasion where ceremony is required, send in +your card, with an apology, and retire. + + +VII.--TABLE MANNERS. + +We shall speak in another place of the ceremonious observances +requisite at formal dinner parties. Our observations here will be of a +more general character, and of universal application. + +Take your seat quietly at the table. Sit firmly in your chair, without +lolling, leaning back, drumming, or any other uncouth action. Unfold +your napkin and lay it in your lap, eat soup delicately with a spoon, +holding a piece of bread in your left hand. Be careful to make no +noise in chewing or swallowing your food. + +Cut your food with your knife; but the fork is to be used to convey it +to your mouth. A spoon is employed for food that can not be eaten with +a fork. Take your fork or spoon in the right hand. Never use both +hands to convey anything to your month. Break your bread, not cut or +bite it. Your cup was made to drink from, and your saucer to hold the +cup. It is not well to drink anything hot; but you can wait till your +tea or coffee cools. Eggs should be eaten from the shell (chipping off +a little of the _larger_ end), with or without an egg-cup. The egg-cup +is to hold the shell, and not its contents. + +Be attentive to the wants of any lady who may be seated next to you, +especially where there are no servants, and pass anything that may be +needful to others. + +When you send up your plate for anything, your knife and fork should +go with it. When you have finished the course, lay your knife and fork +on your plate, parallel to each other, with the handles toward your +right hand. Of course, you should never put your knife into the butter +or the salt, or your spoon into the sugar-bowl. _Eat moderately and +slowly_, for your health's sake; but rapid, gross, and immoderate +eating is as vulgar as it is unwholesome. Never say or do anything at +table that is liable to produce disgust. Wipe your nose, if needful, +but never blow it. If it is necessary to do this, or to spit, leave +the table. + +It is almost unnecessary to mention that the table-cloth is not the +place to put your salt. Bread is the only comestible which the custom +of well-bred people permits to be laid off your plate. + +It is well not to seem too much in haste to commence, as if you are +famishing, but neither is it necessary to wait till everybody is +served before you commence. + +It is perfectly proper to "take the last piece," if you want it, +always presuming that there is more of the same in reserve. + + +VIII.--CONVERSATION. + +As conversation is the principal business in company, we can not well +pay too much attention to it; but having devoted another work to the +subject, we shall make this section briefer than would otherwise be +allowable, and refer our readers for complete instructions in this +important art to "How to Talk."[E] The maxims which follow are mostly +compiled from other works now before us. + +The wit of conversation consists more in finding it in others than in +showing a great deal yourself. He who goes from your conversation +pleased with himself and his own wit, is perfectly well pleased with +you. The most delicate pleasure is to please another.[F] + +Men of all sorts of occupations meet in society. As they go there to +unbend their minds and escape from the fetters of business, you should +never, in an evening, speak to a man about his profession. Do not talk +of politics to a journalist, of fevers to a physician, of stocks to a +broker. Talk to a mother about her children. Women are never tired of +hearing of themselves and their children.[G] + +In promiscuous companies you should vary your address agreeably to the +different ages of the persons to whom you speak. It would be rude and +absurd to talk of your courtships or your pleasures to men of certain +dignity and gravity, to clergymen, or men in years. To women you +should always address yourself with great respect and attention; their +sex is entitled to it, and it is among the duties of good manners; at +the same time, that respect is very properly and very agreeably mixed +with a degree of gayety, if you have it. + +In relating anything, avoid repetitions, or very hackneyed +expressions, such as, _says he_, or _says she_. Some people will use +these so often as to take off the hearer's attention from the story; +as, in an organ out of tune, one pipe shall perhaps sound the whole +time we are playing, and confuse the piece so as not to be understood. + +Carefully avoid talking either of your own or other people's domestic +concerns. By doing the one, you will be thought vain; by entering into +the other, you will be considered officious. Talking of yourself is +an impertinence to the company; your affairs are nothing to them; +besides, they can not be kept too secret. As to the affairs of others, +what are they to you? + +You should never help out or forestall the slow speaker, as if you +alone were rich in expressions, and he were poor. You may take it for +granted that every one is vain enough to think he can talk well, +though he may modestly deny it. [There is an exception to this rule. +In speaking with foreigners, who understand our language imperfectly, +and may be unable to find the right word, it is sometimes polite to +assist them by suggesting the word they require.] + +Giving advice unasked is another piece of rudeness. It is, in effect, +declaring ourselves wiser than those to whom we give it; reproaching +them with ignorance and inexperience. It is a freedom that ought not +to be taken with any common acquaintance. + +Those who contradict others upon all occasions, and make every +assertion a matter of dispute, betray, by this behavior, a want of +acquaintance with good breeding. + +Vulgarism in language is the next and distinguishing characteristic of +bad company and a bad education. A man of fashion avoids nothing with +more care than that. Proverbial expressions and trite sayings are the +flowers of the rhetoric of a vulgar man.[H] + +Never descend to flattery; but deserved compliments should never be +withheld. Be attentive to any person who may be speaking to you, and +be equally ready to speak or to listen, as the case may require. Never +dispute. As a general rule, do not ride your own _hobbies_ in a mixed +company, nor allow yourself to be "trotted out" for their amusement. + + +IX.--MUSIC. + +When music commences, conversation should cease. It is very rude to +talk while another person is singing or playing. + +A lady should never exhibit any anxiety to sing or play; but if she +intends to do so, she should not affect to refuse when asked, but +obligingly accede at once. If you can not sing, or do not choose to, +say so with seriousness and gravity, and put an end to the expectation +promptly. After singing once or twice, cease and give place to others. +The complaint is as old as the days of Horace, that a singer can with +the greatest difficulty be set agoing, and when agoing, can not be +stopped. + +In playing an accompaniment for another, do not forget that it is +intended to aid, and not to interrupt, and that the instrument is +subordinate to the singer. + +When a lady is playing, it is desirable that some one should turn the +leaves for her. Some gentleman will be generally at hand to do this, +but unless he be able to read music, his services may as well be +dispensed with. + + +X.--LETTERS AND NOTES. + +Few accomplishments are more important than letter writing--in fact, +it is absolutely indispensable to every man or woman who desires to +fill a respectable position it society. But good letter-writers are +rare. Too little attention is paid to the subject in our systems of +education; and the lack of the ability to write a decent letter, or +even a note of invitation, acceptance, or regret, is often the cause +of great mortification, to say nothing of the delays, misunderstandings, +and losses resulting in business affairs from bungling and incorrectly +written letters. + +The impossibility of doing justice to the subject in the very limited +space that we could devote to it in this work, compels us to refer the +reader to our little manual of Composition and Letter-Writing, +entitled "How to Write," in which the whole subject is thoroughly +explained and illustrated. + + +XI.--MISCELLANEOUS HINTS. + + +1. _Which goes First?_ + +In ascending or descending stairs with a lady, it is proper to offer +your arm, provided the stair-case is sufficiently wide to permit two +to go up or down abreast. + +But if it is not, which should go first? Authorities disagree. Usage +is not settled. It is a general rule of etiquette to give ladies the +precedence everywhere. Is there a sufficient reason for making this an +exception? One says that if you follow a lady in going down stairs, +you are liable to tread on her dress, and that if she precedes you in +going up, she might display a large foot or a thick ankle which were +better concealed. He thinks the gentleman should go first. Another +calls this a maxim of prudery and the legacy of a maiden aunt. Colonel +Lunettes, our oft-quoted friend of the old _regime_, speaks very +positively on this point. "Nothing is more absurd," he says, "than the +habit of preceding ladies in ascending stairs, adopted by some men--as +if by following just behind them, as one should if the arm be +disengaged, there can be any impropriety. Soiled frills and unmended +hose must have originated this vulgarity." Let the ladies decide. + + +2. _An American Habit._ + +There is a habit peculiar to the United States, and from which even +some females, who class themselves as ladies, are not entirely +free--that of lolling back, balanced upon the two hind legs of a +chair. Such a breach of good breeding is rarely committed in Europe. +Lolling is carried even so for in America, that it is not uncommon to +see the attorneys lay their feet upon the council table; and the +clerks and judges theirs also upon their desks in open court. + + +3. _Gloved or Ungloved?_ + +In shaking hands it is more respectful to offer an ungloved hand; but +if two gentlemen are both gloved, it is very foolish to keep each +other waiting to take them off. You should not, however, offer a +gloved hand to a lady or a superior who is ungloved. Foreigners are +sometimes very sensitive in this matter, and might deem the glove an +insult. It is well for a gentleman to carry his right-hand glove in +his hand where he is likely to have occasion to shake hands. At a ball +or a party the gloves should not be taken off. + + +4. _Equality._ + +In company, though none are _free_, yet all are _equal_. All, +therefore, whom you meet should be treated with equal respect, +although interest may dictate toward each different degrees of +attention. It is disrespectful to the inviter to shun any of her +guests. + + +5. _False Shame._ + +In a letter to his son, Lord Chesterfield makes the following +confession: "I have often wished an obscure acquaintance absent, for +meeting and taking notice of me when I was in what I thought and +called fine company. I have returned his notice shyly, awkwardly, and +consequently offensively, for fear of a momentary joker not +considering, as I ought to have done, that the very people who would +have joked upon me at first, would have esteemed me the more for it +afterward." + +A good hint for us all. + + +6. _Pulling out one's Watch._ + +Pulling out your watch in company, unasked, either at home or abroad, +is a mark of ill-breeding. If at home, it appears as if you were tired +of your company, and wished them to be gone; if abroad, as if the +hours dragged heavily, and you wished to be gone yourself. If you want +to know the time, withdraw; besides, as the taking what is called +French leave was introduced, that, on one person's leaving the +company, the rest might not be disturbed, looking at your watch does +what that piece of politeness was designed to prevent. + + +7. _Husband and Wife._ + +A gentleman speaks of his wife in a mixed company as Mrs. ----, and a +lady of her husband as Mr. ----. So one does not say in speaking to +another, "your wife," or "your husband," but Mrs. or Mr. ----. Among +intimates, however, to say "my wife," or "my husband," is better, +because less formal. Let there be a _fitness_ in everything, whatever +conventional rules you may violate. + + +8. _Bowing vs. Curtseying._ + +Curtseying is obsolete. Ladies now universally bow instead. The latter +is certainly a more convenient, if not a more graceful form of +salutation, particularly on the street. + + +9. _Presents._ + +Among friends, presents ought to be made of things of small value; or, +if valuable, their worth should be derived from the style of the +workmanship, or from some accidental circumstance, rather than from +the inherent and solid richness. Especially never offer to a lady a +gift of great cost; it is in the highest degree indelicate, and looks +as if you were desirous of placing her under an obligation to you, and +of buying her good-will. + +The gifts made by ladies to gentlemen are of the most refined nature +possible; they should be little articles not purchased, but deriving a +priceless value as being the offspring of their gentle skill; a little +picture from their pencil or a trifle from their needle. + +A present should be made with as little parade and ceremony as +possible. If it is a small matter, a gold pencil-case, a thimble to a +lady, or an affair of that sort, it should not be offered formally, +but in an indirect way. + +Emerson says: "Rings and other jewels are not gifts, but apologies for +gifts. The only gift is a portion of thyself. Thou must bleed for me. +Therefore the poet brings his poem; the shepherd, his lamb; the +farmer, his corn; the miner, a gem; the sailor, coral and shells; the +painter, his picture; the girl, a handkerchief of her own sewing." + + +10. _Snobbery._ + +When you hear a man insisting upon points of etiquette and fashion; +wondering, for instance, how people can eat with steel forks and +survive it, or what charms existence has for persons who dine at three +without soup and fish, be sure that that individual is a snob. + + +11. _Children._ + +Show, but do not show off, your children to strangers. Recollect, in +the matter of children, how many are born every hour, each are almost +as remarkable as yours in the eyes of its papa and mamma. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[B] "Colonel Lunettes." + +[C] "Manners Book." + +[D] "Etiquette for Gentlemen." + +[E] "How to Talk: A Pocket Manual of Conversation, Public Speaking, +and Debating." New York. Fowler and Wells. Price 80 cents. + +[F] La Bruyere + +[G] "Etiquette for Gentlemen." + +[H] Chesterfield. + + + + +VII. + +THE ETIQUETTE OF OCCASIONS. + + Great plenty, much formality, small cheer, + And everybody out of his own sphere.--_Byron._ + + +I.--DINNER PARTIES. + +A young man or a young woman, unaccustomed to the settled observances +of such occasions, can hardly pass through a severer ordeal than a +formal dinner. Its terrors, however, are often greatly magnified. Such +a knowledge of the principal points of table etiquette as you may +acquire from this book, complete self-possession, habits of +observation, and a fair share of practical good sense, will carry one +safely if not pleasantly through it. + +You may entertain the opinion that such dinners, and formal parties in +general, are tiresome affairs, and that there might be quite as much +real courtesy and a great deal more enjoyment with less ceremony, and +we may entirely agree with you; but what _is_, and not what _might +be_, is the point to be elucidated. We are to take society as we find +it. You may, as a general rule, decline invitations to dinner parties +without any breach of good manners, and without giving offense, if you +think that neither your enjoyment nor your interests will be promoted +by accepting; or you may not go into what is technically called +"society" at all, and yet you are liable, at a hotel, on board a +steamer, or on some extraordinary occasion, to be placed in a position +in which ignorance of dinner etiquette will be very mortifying and +the information contained in this section be worth a hundred times the +cost of the book. + +We now proceed to note the common routine of a fashionable dinner, as +laid down in books and practiced in polite society. On some points +usage is not uniform, but varies in different countries, and even in +different cities in the same country, as well as in different circles +in the same place. For this reason you must not rely wholly upon this +or any other manners book, but, keeping your eyes open and your wits +about you, _wait and see what others do_, and follow the prevailing +mode. + + +1. _Invitations._ + +Invitations to a dinner are usually issued several days before the +appointed time--the length of time being proportioned to the grandeur +of the occasion. On receiving one, you should answer at once, +addressing the lady of the house. You should either accept or decline +unconditionally, as they will wish to know whom to expect, and make +their preparations accordingly. + + +2. _Dress._ + +You must go to a dinner party in "full dress." Just what this is, is a +question of time and place. Strictly interpreted, it allows gentlemen +but little choice. A black dress coat and trowsers, a black or white +vest and cravat, white gloves, and pumps and silk stockings were +formerly rigorously insisted upon. But the freedom-loving "spirit of +the age" has already made its influence felt even in the realms of +fashion, and a little more latitude is now allowed in most circles. +The "American Gentleman's Guide" enumerates the essentials of a +gentleman's dress for occasions of ceremony in general, as follows: + +"A stylish, well-fitting cloth coat, of some dark color and of +unexceptionable quality, nether garments to correspond, or in warm +weather, or under other suitable circumstances, white pants of a +fashionable material and make, the finest and purest linen, +embroidered in white, if at all; a cravat and vest of some dark or +neutral tint, according to the physiognomical peculiarities of the +wearer and the _prevailing mode_; an entirely fresh-looking, +fashionable black hat, and carefully-fitted modish boots, white +gloves, and a soft, thin, white handkerchief." + +A lady's "full dress" is not easily defined, and fashion allows her +greater scope for the exercise of her taste in the selection of +materials, the choice of colors, and the style of making. Still, she +must "be in the fashion." + + +3. _Punctuality._ + +Never allow yourself to be a minute behind the time. The dinner can +not be served till all the guests have arrived. If it is spoiled +through your tardiness, you are responsible not only to your inviter, +but to his outraged guests. Better be too late for the steamer or the +railway train than for a dinner! + + +4. _Going to the Table._ + +When dinner is announced, the host rises and requests all to walk to +the dining-room, to which he leads the way, having given his arm to +the lady who, from age or any other consideration, is entitled to +precedence. Each gentleman offers his arm to a lady, and all follow in +order. If you are not the principal guest, you must be careful not to +offer your arm to the handsomest or most distinguished lady. + + +5. _Arrangement of Guests._ + +Where rank or social position are regarded (and where are they not to +some extent?), the two most distinguished gentlemen are placed next +the mistress of the house, and the two most distinguished ladies next +the master of the house. The right hand is especially the place of +honor. If it is offered to you, you should not refuse it. + +It is one of the first and most difficult things properly to arrange +the guests, and to place them in such a manner that the conversation +may always be general during the entertainment. If the number of +gentlemen is nearly equal to that of the ladies, we should take care +to intermingle them. We should separate husbands from their wives, and +remove near relations as far from one another as possible, because +being always together they ought not to converse among themselves in a +general party. + + +6. _Duties of the Host._ + +To perform faultlessly the honors of the table is one of the most +difficult things in society; it might indeed be asserted, without much +fear of contradiction, that no man has as yet ever reached exact +propriety in his office as host. When he receives others, he must be +content to forget himself; he must relinquish all desire to shine, and +even all attempts to please his guests by conversation, and rather do +all in his power to let them please one another. + +Help ladies with a due appreciation of their delicacy, moderation, and +fastidiousness of their appetites; and do not overload the plate of +any person you serve. Never pour gravy on a plate without permission. +It spoils the meat for some persons. + +Do not insist upon your guests partaking of particular dishes; never +ask persons more than once, and never put anything by force upon their +plates. It is extremely ill-bred, though extremely common, to press +one to eat of anything. + +The host should never recommend or eulogize any particular dish; his +guests will take it for granted that anything found at his table is +excellent. + +The most important maxim in hospitality is to leave every one to his +own choice and enjoyment, and to free him _from an ever-present sense +of being entertained_. You should never send away your own plate until +all your guests have finished. + + +7. _Duties of the Guests._ + +Gentlemen must be assiduous but not officious in their attentions to +the ladies. See that they lack nothing, but do not seem to watch them. + +If a "grace" is to be asked, treat the observance with respect. Good +manners require this, even if veneration fails to suggest it. + +Soup will come first. _You must not decline it_; because nothing else +can be served till the first course is finished, and to sit with +nothing before you would be awkward. But you may eat as little of it +as you choose. The host serves his left-hand neighbor first, then his +right hand, and so on till all are served. Take whatever is given you, +and do _not_ offer it to your neighbor; and begin at once to eat. You +must not suck soup into your month, blow it, or send for a second +plate. The second course is fish, which is to be eaten with a fork, +and without vegetables. The last part of this injunction does not, of +course, apply to informal dinners, where fish is the principal dish. +Fish, like soup, is served but once. When you have eaten what you +wish, you lay your fork on your plate, and the waiter removes it. The +third course brings the principal dishes--roast and boiled meats, +fowl, etc., which are followed by game. There are also side dishes of +various kinds. At dessert, help the ladies near you to whatever they +may require. Serve strawberries with a spoon, but pass cherries, +grapes, or peaches for each to help himself with his fingers. You need +not volunteer to pare an apple or a peach for a lady, but should do +so, of course, at her request, using her fork or some other than your +own to hold it. + +We have said in our remarks on table manners in general, in a previous +chapter, that in sending your plate for anything, you should leave +your knife and fork upon it. For this injunction we have the authority +of most of the books on etiquette, as well as of general usage. There +seems also to be a reason for the custom in the fact, that to hold +them in your hand would be awkward, and to lay them on the table-cloth +might soil it; but the author of the "American Gentleman's Guide," +whose acquaintance with the best usage is not to be questioned, says +that they should be retained, and either kept together in the hand, or +rested upon your bread, to avoid soiling the cloth. + +Eat deliberately and decorously (there can be no harm in repeating +this precept), masticate your food thoroughly, and _beware of drinking +too much ice-water_. + +If your host is not a "temperance man," that is, one pledged to total +abstinence, wine will probably be drunk. You can of course decline, +but you must do so courteously, and without any reflection upon those +who drink. You are not invited to deliver a temperance lecture. + +Where finger-glasses are used, dip the tips of your fingers in the +water and wipe them on your napkin; and wet a corner of the napkin and +wipe your mouth. Snobs sometimes wear gloves at table. It is not +necessary that you should imitate them. + +The French fashion of having the principal dishes carved on a +side-table, and served by attendants, is now very generally adopted at +ceremonious dinners in this country, but few gentlemen who go into +company at all can safely count upon never being called upon to carve, +and the _art_ is well worth acquiring. Ignorance of it sometimes +places one in an awkward position. You will find directions on this +subject in almost any cook-book; you will learn more, however, by +watching an accomplished carver than in any other way. + +Do not allow yourself to be too much engrossed in attending to the +wants of the stomach, to join in the cheerful interchange of +civilities and thoughts with those near you. + +We must leave a hundred little things connected with a dinner party +unmentioned; but what we have said here, together with the general +canons of eating laid down in Chapter VI. (Section 7, "Table +Manners"), and a little observation, will soon make you a proficient +in the etiquette of these occasions, in which, if you will take our +advice, you will not participate very frequently. An _informal_ +dinner, at which you meet two or three friends, and find more cheer +and less ceremony, is much to be preferred. + + +II.--EVENING PARTIES. + +Evening parties are of various kinds, and more or less ceremonious, as +they are more or less fashionable. Their object is or should be social +enjoyment, and the manners of the company ought to be such as will +best promote it. A few hints, therefore, in addition to the general +maxims of good behavior already laid down, will suffice. + + +1. _Invitations._ + +Having accepted an invitation to a party, never fail to keep your +promise, and especially do not allow bad weather, of any ordinary +character, to prevent your attendance. A married man should never +accept an invitation from a lady in which his wife is not included. + + +2. _Salutations._ + +When you enter a drawing-room where there is a party, you salute the +lady of the house before speaking to any one else. Even your most +intimate friends are enveloped in an opake atmosphere until you have +made your bow to your entertainer.[I] You then mix with the company, +salute your acquaintances, and join in the conversation. You may +converse freely with any person you meet on such an occasion, without +the formality of an introduction. + + +3. _Conversation._ + +When conversation is not general, nor the subject sufficiently +interesting to occupy the whole company, they break up into different +groups. Each one converses with one or more of his neighbors on his +right and left. We should, if we wish to speak to any one, avoid +leaning upon the person who happens to be between. A gentleman ought +not to lean upon the arm of a lady's chair, but he may, if standing, +support himself by the back of it, in order to converse with the lady +partly turned toward him.[J] + +The members of an invited family should never be seen conversing one +with another at a party. + + +4. _French Leave._ + +If you desire to withdraw before the party breaks up, take "French +leave"--that is, go quietly out without disturbing any one, and +without saluting even the mistress of the house, unless you can do so +without attracting attention. The contrary course would interrupt the +rest of the company, and call for otherwise unnecessary explanations +and ceremony. + + +5. _Sports and Games._ + +Among young people, and particularly in the country, a variety of +sports or plays, as they are called, are in vogue. Some of them are +fitting only for children; but others are more intellectual, and may +be made sources of improvement as well as of amusement. + +Entering into the spirit of these sports, we throw off some of the +restraints of a more formal intercourse; but they furnish no excuse +for rudeness. You must not forget your politeness in your hilarity, or +allow yourself to "take liberties," or lose your sense of delicacy and +propriety. + +The selection of the games or sports belongs to the ladies, though any +person may modestly propose any amusement, and ask the opinion of +others in reference to it. The person who gives the party will +exercise her prerogative to vary the play, that the interest may be +kept up. + +If this were the proper place, we should enter an earnest protest +against the promiscuous kissing which sometimes forms part of the +performances in some of these games, but it is not our office to +proscribe or introduce observances, but to regulate them. No true +gentleman will _abuse_ the freedom which the laws of the game allows; +but if required, will delicately kiss the hand, the forehead, or, at +most, the cheek of the lady. A lady will offer her lips to be kissed +only to a lover or a husband, and not to him in company. The French +code is a good one: "Give your hand to a gentleman to kiss, your cheek +to a friend, but keep your lips for your lover." + +Never prescribe any forfeiture which can wound the feelings of any of +the company, and "pay" those which may be adjudged to you with +cheerful promptness. + + +6. _Dancing._ + +An evening party is often only another name for a ball. We may have as +many and as weighty objections to dancing, as conducted at these +fashionable parties, as to the formal dinners and rich and late +suppers which are in vogue in the same circles, but this is not the +place to discuss the merits of the quadrille or the waltz, but to lay +down the etiquette of the occasions on which they are practiced. We +condense from the various authorities before us the following code: + +1. According to the hours now in fashion in our large cities, ten +o'clock is quite early enough to present yourself at a dance. You will +even then find many coming after you. In the country, you should go +earlier. + +2. Draw on your gloves (white or yellow) in the dressing-room, and do +not be for one moment with them off in the dancing-rooms. At supper +take them off; nothing is more preposterous than to eat in gloves. + +3. When you are sure of a place in the dance, you go up to a lady and +ask her if she will _do you the honor_ to dance with you. If she +answers that she is engaged, merely request her to name the earliest +dance for which she is not engaged, and when she will do you the honor +of dancing with you. + +4. If a gentleman offers to dance with a lady, she should not refuse, +unless for some _particular_ and _valid_ reason, in which case she +can accept the next offer. But if she has no further objection than a +temporary dislike or a piece of coquetry, it is a direct insult to him +to refuse him and accept the next offer; besides, it shows too marked +a preference for the latter. + +5. When a woman is standing in a quadrille, though not engaged in +dancing, a man not acquainted with her partner should not converse +with her. + +6. When an unpracticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprize him of +his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him +a lesson. + +7. Unless a man has a very graceful figure, and can use it with great +elegance, it is better for him to _walk_ through the quadrilles, or +invent some gliding movement for the occasion. + +8. At the end of the dance, the gentleman re-conducts the lady to her +place, bows, and thanks her for the honor which she has conferred. She +also bows in silence. + +9. The master of the house should see that all the ladies dance. He +should take notice particularly of those who seem to serve as +_drapery_ to the walls of the ball-room (or _wall flowers_, as the +familiar expression is), and should see that they are invited to +dance. + +10. Ladies who dance much should be very careful not to boast before +those who dance but little or not at all, of the great number of +dances for which they are engaged in advance. They should also, +without being perceived, recommend these less fortunate ladies to +gentlemen of their acquaintance. + +11. For any of the members, either sons or daughters, of the family at +whose house the ball is given, to dance frequently or constantly, +denotes decided ill-breeding; the ladies should not occupy those +places in a quadrille which others may wish to fill, and they should, +moreover, be at leisure to attend to the rest of the company; and the +gentlemen should be entertaining the married women and those who do +not dance. + +12. Never hazard taking part in a quadrille, unless you know how to +dance tolerably; for if you are a novice, or but little skilled, you +would bring disorder into the midst of pleasure. + +13. If you accompany your wife to a dance, be careful not to dance +with her, except perhaps the first set. + +14. When that long and anxiously desiderated hour, the hour of supper, +has arrived, you hand the lady you attend up or down to the +supper-table. You remain with her while she is at the table, seeing +that she has all that she desires, and then conduct her back to the +dancing-rooms. + +15. A gentleman attending a lady should invariably dance the first set +with her, and may afterward introduce her to a friend for the purpose +of dancing. + +16. Ball-room introductions cease with the object--viz.: dancing; nor +subsequently anywhere else can a gentleman approach the lady by +salutation or in any other mode without a re-introduction of a formal +character. + +This code must be understood as applying in full only to fashionable +dancing parties in the city, though most of the rules should be +adhered to in any place. The good sense of the reader will enable him +to modify them to suit any particular occasion. + + +III.--ANNUAL FESTIVALS. + + +1. _Christmas._ + +At Christmas people give parties and make presents. In Europe, and in +some portions of our own country, it is the most important festive +occasion in the year. Beyond the religious observances of the +Catholics, Episcopalians, and some other sects, and the universal +custom of making presents to all our relatives and intimate friends, +and especially to the children, there is no matter of etiquette +peculiar to Christmas which it is necessary for us to note. We have +already spoken of presents; and religious ceremonies will find a place +in another chapter. + + +2. _The New Year._ + +In New York, and some other cities and towns which have adopted its +customs, every gentleman is expected to call on all his lady +acquaintances on New Year's day; and each lady on her part must be +prepared properly to do the honors of her house. Refreshments are +usually provided in great profusion. The etiquette of these occasions +does not differ materially from that of ceremonious morning calls, +except that the entire day is devoted to them, and they may be +extended beyond the limits of one's ordinary visiting list. The ladies +may make their calls on the next day, or any time within the week. + + +3. _Thanksgiving._ + +This is the great family festival of New England--the season of home +gatherings. Sons and daughters, scattered far and wide, then turn +instinctively toward the old homestead, and the fireside of their +childhood is again made glad by their presence and that of their +little ones. Etiquette requires fat turkeys, well roasted, a plenty of +_pumpkin pies_, unbounded hospitality, genuine friendliness, and +cheerful and thankful hearts. + + +4. _Birthdays._ + +Birthdays are sometimes made family festivals at which parties are +given, and presents made to the one whose anniversary is celebrated. +In France, these occasions are observed with great merry making and +many felicitations and gifts. + + +IV.--EXCURSIONS AND PICNICS. + +Picnic excursions into the country are not occasions of ceremony, but +call for the exercise of all one's real good nature and good breeding. +On leaving the carriage, cars, or steamboat, gentlemen should of +course relieve the ladies they attend of the shawls, baskets, etc., +with which they may have provided themselves, and give them all +necessary assistance in reaching the spot selected for the +festivities. It is also their duty and their happiness to accompany +them in their rambles, when it is the pleasure of the fair ones to +require their attendance, but _not_ to be _obtrusive_. They may +sometimes wish to be alone. + +If a lady chooses to seat herself upon the ground, you are not at +liberty to follow her example unless she invites you to be seated. She +must not have occasion to think of the possibility of any impropriety +on your part. You are her servant, protector, and guard of honor. You +will of course give her your hand to assist her in rising. When the +sylvan repast is served, you will see that the ladies whose cavalier +you have the honor to be, lack nothing. The ladies, social queens +though they be, should not forget that every favor or act of courtesy +and deference, by whoever shown, demands some acknowledgment on their +part--a word, a bow, a smile, or at least a kind look. + + +V.--WEDDINGS. + +We copy from one of the numerous manners books before us the following +condensed account of the usual ceremonies of a formal wedding. A +simpler, less ceremonious, and more private mode of giving legal +sanction to an already existing union of hearts would be more to _our_ +taste; but, as the French proverb has it, _Chacun a son gout_.[K] + +For a stylish wedding, the lady requires a bridegroom, two +bridesmaids, two groomsmen, and a parson or magistrate, her relatives +and whatever friends of both parties they may choose to invite. For a +formal wedding in the evening, a week's notice is requisite. The lady +fixes the day. Her mother or nearest female relation invites the +guests. The evening hour is 8 o'clock; but if the ceremony is private, +and the happy couple to start immediately and alone, the ceremony +usually takes place in the morning at eleven or twelve o'clock. + +If there is an evening party, the refreshments must be as usual on +such occasions, with the addition of wedding cake, commonly a pound +cake with rich frosting, and a fruit cake. + +The dress of the bride is of the purest white; her head is commonly +dressed with orange flowers, natural or artificial, and white roses. +She wears few ornaments, and none but such as are given her for the +occasion. A white lace vail is often worn on the head. White long +gloves and white satin slippers complete the costume. + +The dress of the bridegroom is simply the full dress of a gentleman, +of unusual richness and elegance. + +The bridesmaids are dressed also in white, but more simply than the +bride. + +At the hour appointed for the ceremony, the second bridesmaid and +groomsman, when there are two, enter the room; then, first bridesmaid +and groomsman; and lastly the bride and bridegroom. They enter, the +ladies taking the arms of the gentlemen, and take seats appointed, so +that the bride is at the right of the bridegroom, and each supported +by their respective attendants. + +A chair is then placed for the clergyman or magistrate in front of the +happy pair. When he comes forward to perform the ceremony, the bridal +party rises. The first bridesmaid, at the proper time, removes the +glove from the left hand of the bride; or, what seems to us more +proper, both bride and bridegroom have their gloves removed at the +beginning of the ceremony. In joining hands they take each other's +right hand, the bride and groom partially turning toward each other. +The wedding ring, of plain fine gold, provided beforehand by the +groom, is sometimes given to the clergyman, who presents it. It is +placed upon the third finger of the left hand. + +When the ceremony is ended, and the twain are pronounced one flesh, +the company present their congratulations--the clergyman first, then +the mother, the father of the bride, and the relations; then the +company, the groomsmen acting as masters of ceremonies, bringing +forward and introducing the ladies, who wish the happy couple joy, +happiness, prosperity; but not exactly "many happy returns." + +The bridegroom takes an early occasion to thank the clergyman, and to +put in his hand, at the same time, nicely enveloped, a piece of gold, +according to his ability and generosity. The gentleman who dropped two +half dollars into the minister's hands, as they were held out, in the +prayer, was a little confused by the occasion. + +When a dance follows the ceremony and congratulations, the bride +dances, first, with the first groomsman, taking the head of the room +and the quadrille, and the bridegroom with the first bridesmaid; +afterwards as they please. The party breaks up early--certainly by +twelve o'clock.[L] + +The cards of the newly married couple are sent to those only whose +acquaintance they wish to continue. No offense should be taken by +those whom they may choose to exclude. Send your card, therefore, with +the lady's, to all whom you desire to include in the circle of your +future acquaintances. The lady's card will have engraved upon it, +below her name, "At home, ---- evening, at--o'clock." They should be +sent a week previous to the evening indicated. + + +VI.--FUNERALS. + +When any member of a family is dead, it is customary to send +intelligence of the misfortune to all who have been connected with the +deceased in relations of business or friendship. The letters which are +sent contain a special invitation to assist at the funeral. Such a +letter requires no answer. + +At an interment or funeral service, the members of the family are +entitled to the first places. They are nearest to the coffin, whether +in the procession or in the church. The nearest relations go in a full +mourning dress. + +We are excused from accompanying the body to the burying-ground, +unless the deceased be a relation or an intimate friend. If we go as +far as the burying-ground, we should give the first carriage to the +relations or most intimate friends of the deceased. We should walk +with the head uncovered, silently, and with such a mien as the +occasion naturally suggests. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[I] "Etiquette for Gentlemen." + +[J] Madame Celnart + +[K] Each one to his taste. + +[L] "Manners Book." + + + + +VIII. + +THE ETIQUETTE OF PLACES. + + To ladies always yield your seat, + And lift your hat upon the street.--_Uncle Dan._ + + +I.--ON THE STREET. + +Nowhere has a man or a woman occasion more frequently to exercise the +virtue of courtesy than on the street; and in no place is the +distinction between the polite and the vulgar more marked. The +following are some of the rules of street etiquette: + +Except in a case of necessity, you should not stop a business man on +the street during business hours. He may have appointments, and, in +any event, his time is precious. If you must speak with him, walk on +in his direction, or if you detain him, state your errand briefly, and +politely apologize for the detention. + +Do not allow yourself to be so absent-minded or absorbed in your +business as not to recognize and salute your acquaintances on the +street. You must not make the pressure of your affairs an excuse for +rudeness. If you do not intend to stop, on meeting a friend, touch +your hat, say "Good-morning," or "I hope you are well," and pass on. +If you stop, you may offer a gloved hand, if necessary, without +apology. Waiting to draw off a tight glove is awkward. In stopping to +talk on the street, you should step aside from the human current. If +you are compelled to detain a friend, when he is walking with a +stranger, apologize to the stranger and release your friend as soon as +possible. The stranger will withdraw, in order not to hear your +conversation. Never leave a friend suddenly on the street, either to +join another or for any other reason, without a brief apology. + +In walking with gentlemen who are your superiors in age or station, +give them the place of honor, by taking yourself the outer side of the +pavement. + +When you meet a lady with whom you are acquainted, you should lift +your hat, as you bow to her; but unless you are intimate friends, it +is the lady's duty to give some sign of recognition first, as she +might _possibly_ choose to "cut" you, and thus place you in a very +awkward position; but unless you have forfeited all claims to respect, +she certainly _should_ not do such a thing. + +In meeting a gentleman whom you know, walking with a lady with whom +you are not acquainted, you are to bow with grave respect to her +also.[M] If you are acquainted with both, you bow first to the lady, +and then, less profoundly, to the gentleman. + +If your glove be dark colored, or your hand ungloved, do not offer to +shake hands with a lady in full dress. If you wish to speak with a +lady whom you meet on the street, turn and walk with her; but you +should not accompany her far, except at her request, and should always +lift your hat and bow upon withdrawing. + +Be careful to avoid intrusion everywhere; and for this reason be very +sure that such an addition to their party would be perfectly agreeable +before you join a lady and gentleman who may be walking together; +otherwise you might find yourself in the position of an "awkward +third." + +In walking with ladies on the street, gentlemen will of course treat +them with the most scrupulous _politeness_. This requires that you +place yourself in that relative position in which you can best shield +them from danger or inconvenience. You generally give them the wall +side, but circumstances may require you to reverse this position. + +You must offer your arm to a lady with whom you are walking whenever +her safety, comfort, or convenience may seem to require such attention +on your part. At night, in taking a long walk in the country, or in +ascending the steps of a public building, your arm should always be +tendered. + +In walking with ladies or elderly people, a gentleman must not forget +to accommodate his speed to theirs. In walking with _any_ person you +should _keep step_ with military precision. + +If a lady with whom you are walking receives the salute of a person +who is a stranger to you, you should return it, not for yourself, but +for her. + +When a lady whom you accompany wishes to enter a shop, or _store_ (if +we must use an Americanism to explain a good English word), you should +hold the door open and allow her to enter first, if practicable; for +you must never pass before a lady anywhere, if you can avoid it, or +without an apology. + +If a lady addresses an inquiry to a gentleman on the street, he will +lift his hat, or at least touch it respectfully, as he replies. If he +can not give the information required, he will express his regrets. + +"When tripping over the pavement," Madame Celnart says, "a lady should +gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle. With her right +hand she should hold together the folds of her gown and draw them +toward the right side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both +hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can be tolerated only for a +moment, when the mud is very deep." This was written in Paris, and not +in New York. + +American ladies dress too richly and elaborately for the street. You +should dress well--neatly and in good taste, and in material adapted +to the season; but the full costume, suitable to the carriage or the +drawing-room, is entirely out of place in a shopping excursion, and +does not indicate a refined taste; in other words, it looks +_snobbish_. + +The out-door costume of ladies is not complete without a shawl or a +mantle. Shawls are difficult to wear gracefully, and few American +ladies wear them well. You should not drag a shawl tight to your +shoulders, and stick out your elbows, but fold it loosely and +gracefully, so that it may fully envelop the figure. + + +II.--SHOPPING. + +Madame Celnart has the following hints to the ladies on this important +subject. Having enjoined the most patient and forbearing courtesy on +the part of the shopkeeper,[N] she proceeds: + +"Every civility ought to be reciprocal, or nearly so. If the officious +politeness of the shopkeeper does not require an equal return, he has +at least a claim to civil treatment; and, finally, if this politeness +proceed from interest, is this a reason why purchasers should add to +the unpleasantness of his profession, and disregard violating the +laws of politeness? Many very respectable people allow themselves so +many infractions in this particular, that I think it my duty to dwell +upon it. + +"You should never say, _I want such a thing_, but _Show me, if you +please, that article_, or use some other polite form of address. If +they do not show you at first the articles you desire, and you are +obliged to examine a great number, apologize to the shopkeeper for the +trouble you give him. If after all you can not suit yourself, renew +your apologies when you go away. + +"If you make small purchases, say, _I am sorry for having troubled you +for so trifling a thing_. If you spend a considerable time in the +selection of articles, apologize to the shopkeeper who waits for you +to decide. + +"If the price seems to you too high, and the shop has not fixed +prices, ask an abatement in brief and civil terms, and without ever +appearing to suspect the good faith of the shopkeeper. If he does not +yield, do not enter into a contest with him, but go away, after +telling him politely that you think you can obtain the article cheaper +elsewhere, but if not, that you will give him the preference." + + +III.--AT CHURCH. + +If you go to church, be in season, that you may not interrupt the +congregation by entering after the services have commenced. The +celebrated Mrs. Chapone said that it was a part of her religion not to +disturb the religion of others. We may all adopt with profit that +article of her creed. Always remove your hat on entering a church. If +you attend ladies, you open the door of the slip for them, allowing +them to enter first. Your demeanor should of course be such as becomes +the place and occasion. If you are so unfortunate as to have no +religious feelings yourself, you must respect those of others. + +It is the custom in some places for gentlemen who may be already in a +slip or pew to deploy into the aisle, on the arrival of a lady who may +desire admittance, allow her to enter, and then resume their seats. +This is a very awkward and annoying maneuver. + +You should pay due respect to the observances of the church you +attend. If you have conscientious scruples against kneeling in an +Episcopal or Catholic church, you should be a little more +conscientious, and stay away. + +Good manners do not require young gentlemen to stand about the door of +a church to see the ladies come out; and the ladies will excuse the +omission of this mark of admiration. + + +IV.--AT PLACES OF AMUSEMENT. + +Gentlemen who attend ladies to the opera, to concerts, to lectures, +etc., should endeavor to go early in order to secure good seats, +unless, indeed, they have been previously secured, and to avoid the +disagreeable crowd which they are liable to encounter if they go a +little later. + +Gentlemen _should_ take off their hats on entering _any_ public room +(or dwelling either). They will, of course, do so if attending ladies, +on showing them their seats. Having taken your seats, remain quietly +in them, and avoid, unless absolute necessity require it, incommoding +others by crowding out and in before them. If obliged to do this, +politely apologize for the trouble you cause them. + +To talk during the performance is an act of rudeness and injustice. +You thus proclaim your own ill-breeding and invade the rights of +others, who have paid for the privilege of hearing the performers, and +not for listening to you. + +If you are in attendance upon a lady at any opera, concert, or +lecture, you should retain your seat at her side; but if you have no +lady with you, and have taken a desirable seat, you should, if need +be, cheerfully relinquish it in favor of a lady, for one less +eligible. + +Be careful to secure your _libretto_ or opera book, concert bill or +programme, before taking your seat. + +To the opera, ladies should wear opera hoods, which are to be taken +off on entering. In this country, custom _permits_ the wearing of +bonnets; but as they are (in our opinion) neither comfortable nor +beautiful, we advise the ladies to dispense with their use whenever +they can. + +Gloves should be worn by ladies in church, and in places of public +amusement. Do not take them off to shake hands. Great care should be +taken that they are well made and fit neatly. + + +V.--IN A PICTURE GALLERY. + +A gallery of paintings or sculpture is a temple of Art, and he is +little better than a barbarian who can enter it without a feeling of +reverence for the presiding divinity of the place. Loud talking, +laughing, pushing before others who are examining a picture or statue, +moving seats noisily, or any rude or discourteous conduct, seems like +profanation in such a place. Avoid them by all means, we entreat you; +and though you wear your hat everywhere else, reverently remove it +here. + + +VI.--THE PRESENCE. + +"The mode in which respect to the presence of a human being should be +shown maybe left to custom. In the East, men take off their shoes +before entering an apartment. We take off the hat, and add a verbal +salutation. The mode is unimportant; it may vary with the humor of the +moment; it may change with the changing fashion; but no one who +respects himself, and has a proper regard for others, will omit to +give _some_ sign that he recognizes an essential difference between a +horse and a man, between a stable and a house."[O] + + +VII.---TRAVELING. + +Under no circumstances is courtesy more urgently demanded, or rudeness +more frequently displayed, than in traveling. The infelicities and +vexations which so often attend a journey seem to call out all the +latent selfishness of one's nature; and the commonest observances of +politeness are, we are sorry to say, sometimes neglected. In the +scramble for tickets, for seats, for state-rooms, or for places at a +public table, good manners are too frequently elbowed aside and +trampled under foot. Even our national deference for women is +occasionally lost sight of in our headlong rush for the railway cars +or the steamer. + +To avoid the scramble we have alluded to, purchase tickets and secure +state-rooms in advance, if practicable, especially if you are +accompanied by ladies, and, in any event, _be in good time_. + +In the cars or stage-coach never allow considerations of personal +comfort or convenience to cause you to disregard for a moment the +rights of your fellow-travelers, or forget the respectful courtesy +due to woman. The pleasantest or most comfortable seats belong to the +ladies, and no gentleman will refuse to resign such seats to them with +a cheerful politeness. In a stage-coach you give them the back seat, +unless they prefer another and take an outside seat yourself, if their +convenience requires it. But a word to--_Americans_ will be enough on +this point. + +And what do good manners require of the ladies? That which is but a +little thing to the bestower, but of priceless value to the +receiver--_thanks_--a smile--a grateful look at least. Is this too +much? + +Mr. Arbiter, whom we find quoted in a newspaper, has some rather +severe strictures on the conduct of American ladies. He says: + +"We boast of our politeness as a nation, and point out to foreigners, +with pride, the alacrity with which Americans make way for women in +all public places. Some love to call this chivalry. It is certainly an +amiable trait of character, though frequently carried to an absurd +extent. But what the men possess in this form of politeness the women +appear to have lost. They never think of acknowledging, in any way, +the kindness of the gentleman who gives up his seat, but settle +themselves triumphantly in their new places, as if they were entitled +to them by divine right." + +We are compelled to admit that there is at least an appearance of +truth in this charge. We have had constant opportunities to observe +the behavior of ladies in omnibuses and on board the crowded +ferry-boats which ply between some of our large cities and their +suburbs. We have, of course (as what gentleman has not?), relinquished +our seats hundreds of times to ladies. _For the occasional bow or +smile of acknowledgment, or_ _pleasant "Thank you," which we have +received in return, we have almost invariably been indebted to some +fair foreigner._ + +We believe that American ladies are as polite _at heart_ as those of +any other nation, but _they do not say it_. + +The fair readers of our little book will, we are sure, excuse us for +these hints, since they are dictated by the truest and most reverent +love for their sex, and a sincere desire to serve them. + +If in traveling you are thrown into the company of an invalid, or an +aged person, or a woman with children and without a male protector, +feelings of humanity, as well as sentiments of politeness, will +dictate such kind attentions as, without being obtrusive, you can find +occasion to bestow. + +You have no right to keep a window open for your accommodation, if the +current of air thus produced annoy or endanger the health of another. +There are a sufficient number of discomforts in traveling, at best, +and it should be the aim of each passenger to lessen them as much as +possible, and to cheerfully bear his own part. Life is a journey, and +we are all fellow-travelers. + +If in riding in an omnibus, or crossing a ferry with a friend, he +wishes to pay for you, never insist on paying for yourself or for +both. If he is before you, let the matter pass without remark, and +return the compliment on another occasion. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[M] "Colonel Lunettes" + +[N] For hints on the importance of politeness as an element of success +in business, see "How to Do Business." + +[O] James Parton. + + + + +IX. + +LOVE AND COURTSHIP. + + Learn to win a lady's faith + Nobly, as the thing is high; + Bravely, as for life and death, + With a loyal gravity. + Lead her from the festive boards; + Point her to the starry skies; + Guard her by your truthful words + Pure from courtship's flatteries.--_Mrs. Browning._ + + +I.--A HINT OR TWO. + +To treat the subject of love and courtship in all its bearings would +require a volume. It is with the etiquette of the tender passion that +we have to do here. A few preliminary hints, however, will not be +deemed out of place. + +Boys often fall in love (and girls too, we believe) at a very tender +age. Some charming cousin, or a classmate of his sister, in the +village school, weaves silken meshes around the throbbing heart of the +young man in his teens. This is well. He is made better and happier by +his boyish loves--for he generally has a succession of them, but they +are seldom permanent. They are only beautiful foreshadowings of the +deeper and more earnest love of manhood, which is to bind him to his +_other self_ with ties which only death can sever. Read Ik Marvel's +"Dream Life." + +Before a young man has reached the proper age to marry--say +twenty-five, as an average--he ought to have acquired such a knowledge +of himself, physically and mentally considered, and of the principles +which ought to decide the choice of matrimonial partners and govern +the relations of the sexes, as will enable him to set up a proper +standard of female excellence, and to determine what qualities, +physical and mental, should characterize the woman who is to be the +angel of his home and the mother of his children. With this knowledge +he is prepared to go into society and choose his mate, following +trustingly the attractions of his soul. Love is an affair of the +heart, but the head should be its privy counselor. + +Do not make up your mind to wait till you have acquired a fortune +before you marry. You should not, however, assume the responsibilities +of a family without a reasonable prospect of being able to maintain +one. If you are established in business, or have an adequate income +for the immediate requirements of the new relation, you may safely +trust your own energy and self-reliance for the rest. + +Women reach maturity earlier than men, and may marry earlier--say (as +an average age), at twenty. The injunction, "Know thyself," applies +with as much emphasis to a woman as to a man. Her perceptions are +keener than ours, and her sensibilities finer, and she may trust more +to _instinct_, but she should add to these natural qualifications a +thorough knowledge of her own physical and mental constitution, and of +whatever relates to the requirements of her destiny as wife and +mother. The importance of sound _health_ and _a perfect development_, +can not be overrated. _Without these you are_ NEVER _fit to marry_.[P] + +Having satisfied yourself that you really love a woman--be careful, as +you value your future happiness and hers, not to make a _mistake_ in +this matter--you will find occasion to manifest, in a thousand ways, +your preference, by means of those tender but delicate and +deferential attentions which love always prompts. "Let the heart +speak." The heart you address will understand its language. Be +earnest, sincere, self-loyal, and manly in this matter above all +others. Let there be no nauseous flattery and no sickly sentimentality +Leave the former to fops and the latter to beardless school-boys. + +Though women do not "propose"--that is, as a general rule--they "make +love" to the men none the less; and it is right. The divine attraction +is mutual, and should have its proper expression on both sides. If you +are attracted toward a man who seems to you an embodiment of all that +is noble and manly, you do injustice both to him and yourself if you +do not, in some way entirely consistent with maiden modesty, allow him +to _see_ and _feel_ that he pleases you. But _you_ do not need our +instructions, and we will only hint, in conclusion, that forwardness, +flirting, and a too _obtrusive_ manifestation of preference are _not_ +agreeable to men of sense. As a man should be _manly_, so should a +woman be _womanly_ in her love. + + +II.--OBSERVANCES. + + +1. _Particular Attentions._ + +Avoid even the slightest appearance of _trifling_ with the feelings of +a woman. A female coquette is bad enough. A male coquette ought to be +banished from society. Let there be a clearly perceived, if not an +easily defined, distinction between the attentions of common courtesy +or of friendship and those of love. All misunderstanding on this point +can and must be avoided. + +The particular attentions you pay to the object of your devotion +should not make you rude or uncivil to other women. Every woman is +_her_ sister, and should be treated with becoming respect and +attention. Your special attentions to her in society should not be +such as to make her or you the subject of ridicule. Make no public +exhibition of your endearments. + + +2. _Presents._ + +If you make presents, let them be selected with good taste, and of +such cost as is fully warranted by your means. Your mistress will not +love you better for any extravagance in this matter. The value of a +gift is not to be estimated in dollars and cents. A lady of good sense +and delicacy will discourage in her lover all needless expenditure in +ministering to her gratification, or in proof of his devotion. + + +3. _Confidants._ + +Lovers usually feel a certain need of confidants in their affairs of +the heart. In general, they should be of the opposite sex. A young man +may with profit open his heart to his mother, an elder sister, or a +female friend considerably older than himself. The young lady may with +equal advantage make a brother, an uncle, or some good middle-aged +married man the repository of her love secrets, her hopes, and her +fears. + + +4. _Declarations._ + +We shall make no attempt to prescribe a form for "popping the +question." Each must do it in his own way; but let it be clearly +understood and admit no evasion. A single word--yes, less than that, +on the lady's part, will suffice to answer it. If the carefully +studied phrases which you have repeated so many times and so fluently +to yourself, will persist in sticking in your throat and choking you, +put them correctly and neatly on a sheet of the finest white note +paper, inclosed in a fine but plain white envelope (see "How to +Write"), seal it handsomely with _wax_, address and direct it +carefully, and find some way to convey it to her hand. The lady's +answer should be frank and unequivocal, revealing briefly and modestly +her real feelings and consequent decision. + + +5. _Asking "Pa."_ + +Asking the consent of parents or guardians is, in this country, where +women claim a right to choose for themselves, a mere form, and may +often be dispensed with. The lady's wishes, however, should be +complied with in this as in all other matters. And if consent is +refused? This will rarely happen. If it does, there is a remedy, and +we should have a poor opinion of the love or the spirit of the woman +who would hesitate to apply it. If she is of age, she has a legal as +well as a moral right to bestow her love and her hand upon whom she +pleases. If she does not love you well enough to do this, _at any +sacrifice_, you should consider the refusal of her friends a very +fortunate occurrence. If she is not of age, the legal aspect of the +affair may be different, but, at worst, she can wait until her +majority puts her in possession of all her rights. + + +6. _Refusals._ + +If a lady finds it necessary to say "no" to a proposal, she should do +it in the kindest and most considerate manner, so as not to inflict +unnecessary pain; but her answer should be definite and decisive, and +the gentleman should at once withdraw his suit. If ladies will my "no" +when they mean "yes," to a sincere and earnest suitor, they must +suffer the consequences. + + +7. _Engagement._ + +The "engaged" need not take particular pains to proclaim the nature of +the relation in which they stand to each other, neither should they +attempt or desire to conceal it. Their intercourse with each other +should be frank and confiding, but prudent, and their conduct in +reference to other persons of the opposite sex, such as will not give +occasion for a single pang of jealousy. + +Of the "getting ready," which follows the engagement, on the part of +the lady, our fair readers know a great deal more than we could tell +them. + + +8. _Breaking Off._ + +Engagements made in accordance with the simple and brief directions +contained in the first section of this chapter, will seldom be broken +off. If such a painful _necessity_ occurs, let it be met with +firmness, but with delicacy. If you have made a _mistake_, it is +infinitely better to correct it at the last moment than not at all. A +_marriage_ is not so easily "broken off." + +On breaking off an engagement, all letters, presents, etc., should be +returned, and both parties should consider themselves pledged to the +most honorable and delicate conduct in reference to the whole matter, +and to the private affairs of each other, a knowledge of which their +former relation may have put into their possession. + + +9. _Marriage._ + +It devolves upon the lady to fix the day. She will hardly disregard +the stereotyped request of the impatient lover to make it an "early" +one; but she knows best how soon the never-to-be-neglected +"preparations" can be made. For the wedding ceremonies see Chapter +VII. A few hints to husbands and wives may be found in Chapter V. + + +FOOTNOTE: + +[P] See "Physical Perfection; or How to Acquire and Retain Beauty, +Grace, and Strength," now (1857) in the course of preparation. + + + + +X. + +PARLIAMENTARY ETIQUETTE. + + The object of a meeting for deliberation is, of course, to + obtain a free expression of opinion and a fair decision of the + questions discussed. Without rules of order this object would, + in most cases, be utterly defeated; for there would be no + uniformity in the modes of proceeding, no restraint upon + indecorous or disorderly conduct, no protection to the rights + and privileges of members, no guarantee against the caprices + and usurpations of the presiding officer, no safeguard against + tyrannical majorities, nor any suitable regard to the rights of + the minority.--_McElligott._ + + +I.--COURTESY IN DEBATE. + +The fundamental principles of courtesy, so strenuously insisted upon +throughout this work, must be rigorously observed in the debating +society, lyceum, legislative assembly, and wherever questions are +publicly debated. In fact, we have not yet discovered _any_ occasion +on which a gentleman is justified in being anything less than--a +gentleman. + +In a paragraph appended to the constitution and by-laws of a New York +debating club, members are enjoined to treat each other with delicacy +and respect, conduct all discussions with candor, moderation, and open +generosity, avoid all personal allusions and sarcastic language +calculated to wound the feelings of a brother, and cherish concord and +good fellowship. The spirit of this injunction should pervade the +heart of every man who attempts to take part in the proceedings of any +deliberative assembly. + + +II.--ORIGIN OF THE PARLIAMENTARY CODE. + +The rules of order of our State Legislatures, and of other less +important deliberative bodies, are, in almost all fundamental points, +the same as those of the National Congress, which, again, are +derived, in the main, from those of the British Parliament, the +differences which exist growing out of differences in government and +institutions. It is in allusion to its origin that the code of rules +and regulations thus generally adopted is often called "The Common +Code of Parliamentary Law." + + +III.--RULES OF ORDER. + + +1. _Motions._ + +A deliberative body being duly organized, motions are in order. The +party moving a resolution, or making a motion in its simplest form, +introduces it either with or without remarks, by saying: "Mr. +President, I beg leave to offer the following resolution," or "I move +that," etc. A motion is not debatable till seconded. The member +seconding simply says: "I second that motion." The resolution or +motion is then stated by the chairman, and is open for debate. + + +2. _Speaking._ + +A member wishing to speak on a question, resolution, or motion, must +rise in his place and respectfully address his remarks to the chairman +or president, _confining himself to the question, and avoiding +personality_. Should more than one member rise at the same time, the +chairman must decide which is entitled to the floor. No member must +speak more than once till every member wishing to speak shall have +spoken. In debating societies (and it is for their benefit that we +make this abstract) it is necessary to define not only how many times, +but how long at each time a member may speak on a question. + + +3. _Submitting a Question._ + +When the debate or deliberation upon a subject appears to be at a +close, the presiding officer simply asks, "Is the society [assembly, +or whatever the body may be] ready for the question?" or, "Are you +ready for the question?" If no one signifies a desire further to +discuss or consider the subject, he then submits the question in due +form. + + +4. _Voting._ + +The voting is generally by "ayes and noes," and the answers on both +sides being duly given, the presiding officer announces the result, +saying, "The ayes have it," or, "The noes have it," according as he +finds one side or the other in the majority. If there is a doubt in +his mind which side has the larger number, he says, "The ayes _appear_ +to have it," or, "The noes _appear_ to have it," as the case may be. +If there is no dissent, he adds, "The ayes _have_ it," or, "The noes +_have_ it." But should the president be unable to decide, or if his +decision be questioned, and a division of the house be called for, it +is his duty immediately to divide or arrange the assembly as to allow +the votes on each side to be accurately counted; and if the members +are equally divided, the president must give the casting vote. It is +the duty of every member to vote; but in some deliberative bodies a +member may be excused at his own request. Sometimes it is deemed +advisable to record the names of members in connection with the votes +they give, in which case the roll is called by the secretary, and each +answers "yes" or "no," which is noted or marked opposite his name. + + +5. _A Quorum._ + +A quorum is such a number of members as may be required, by rule or +statute, to be present at a meeting in order to render its +transactions valid or legal. + + +6. _The Democratic Principle._ + +All questions, unless their decision be otherwise fixed by law, are +determined by a majority of votes. + + +7. _Privileged Questions._ + +There are certain motions which are allowed to supersede a question +already under debate. These are called privileged questions. The +following are the usually recognized privileged questions: + +1. _Adjournment._--A motion to adjourn is always in order, and takes +precedence of all others; but it must not be entertained while a +member is speaking, unless he give way for that purpose, nor while a +vote is in progress. It is not debatable, and can not be amended. + +2. _To Lie on the Table._--A motion to lay a subject on the +table--that is, to set it aside till it is the pleasure of the body to +resume its consideration--generally takes precedence of all others, +except the motion to adjourn. It can neither be debated nor amended. + +3. _The Previous Question._--The intention of the previous question is +to arrest discussion and test at once the sense of the meeting. Its +form is, "Shall the main question now be put?" It is not debatable, +and can not be amended. An affirmative decision precludes all further +debate on the main question. The effect of a negative decision, +_unless otherwise determined by a special rule_, is to leave the main +question and all amendments just as it found them. + +4. _Postponement._--A motion to postpone the consideration of a +question indefinitely, which is equivalent to setting it aside +altogether, may be amended by inserting a certain day. It is not +debatable. + +5. _Commitment._--A motion to commit is made when a question, +otherwise admissible, is presented in an objectionable or +inconvenient form. If there be no standing committee to which it can +be properly submitted, a select committee may be raised for the +purpose. It may be amended. + +6. _Amendment._--The legitimate use of a motion to amend is to correct +or improve the original motion or resolution; but a motion properly +before an assembly may be altered in _any_ way; even so as to turn it +entirely from its original purpose, unless some rule or law shall +exist to prevent this subversion. An amendment may be amended, but +here the process must cease. An amendment must of course be put to +vote before the original question. A motion to amend holds the same +rank as the previous question and indefinite postponement, and that +which is moved first must be put first. It may be superseded, however, +by a motion to postpone to a certain day, or a motion to commit. + +7. _Orders of the Day._--Subjects appointed for a specified time are +called orders of the day, and a motion for them takes precedence of +all other business, except a motion to adjourn, or a question of +privilege. + +8. _Questions of Privilege._--These are questions which involve the +rights and privileges of individual members, or of the society or +assembly collectively. They take precedence over all other +propositions, except a motion to adjourn. + +9. _Questions of Order._--In case of any breach of the rules of the +society or body, any member may rise to the point of order, and insist +upon its due enforcement; but in case of a difference of opinion +whether a rule has been violated or not, the question must be +determined before the application of the rule can be insisted upon. +Such a question is usually decided upon by the presiding officer, +without debate; but any member may appeal from his decision, and +demand a vote of the house on the matter. A question of order is +debatable, and the presiding officer, contrary to rule in other cases, +may participate in the discussion. + +10. _Reading of Papers._--When papers or documents of any kind are +laid before a deliberative assembly, every member has a right to have +them read before he can be required to vote upon them. They are +generally read by the secretary, on the reading being called for, +without the formality of a vote. + +11. _Withdrawal of a Motion._--Unless there be a rule to that effect, +a motion once before the assembly can not be withdrawn without a vote +of the house, on a motion to allow its withdrawal. + +12. _The Suspension of Rules._--When anything is proposed which is +forbidden by a special rule, it must be preceded by a motion for the +suspension of the rule, which, if there be no standing rule to the +contrary, may be carried by a majority of votes; but most deliberative +bodies have an established rule on this subject, requiring a fixed +proportion of the votes--usually two thirds. + +13. _The Motion to Reconsider._--The intention of this is to enable an +assembly to revise a decision found to be erroneous. The time within +which a motion to reconsider may be entertained is generally fixed by +a special rule; and the general rule is, that it must emanate from +some member who voted with the majority. In Congress, a motion to +reconsider takes precedence of all other motions, except the motion to +adjourn. + + +8. _Order of Business._ + +In all permanently organized bodies there should be an order of +business, established by a special rule or by-law; but where no such +rule or law exists, the president, unless otherwise directed by a +vote of the assembly, arranges the business in such order as he may +think most desirable. The following is the order of business of the +New York Debating Club, referred to in a previous section. It may be +easily so modified as to be suitable for any similar society: + + 1. Call to order. + 2. Calling the roll. + 3. Reading the minutes of previous meeting. + 4. Propositions for membership. + 5. Reports of special committee. + 6. Balloting for candidates. + 7. Reports of standing committee. + 8. Secretary's report. + 9. Treasurer's report. + 10. Reading for the evening. + 11. Recitations for the evening. + 12. Candidates initiated. + 13. Unfinished business. + 14. Debate. + 15. New business. + 16. Adjournment. + + +9. _Order of Debate._ + +1. A member having got the floor, is entitled to be heard to the end, +or till the time fixed by rule has expired; and all interruptions, +except a call to order, are not only out of order, but rude in the +extreme. + +2. A member who temporarily yields the floor to another, is generally +permitted to resume as soon as the interruption ceases, but he can not +claim to do so as a right. + +3. It is neither in order nor in good taste to designate members by +name in debate, and they must in no case be directly addressed. Such +forms as, "The gentleman who has just taken his seat," or, "The member +on the other side of the house," etc., may be made use of to designate +persons. + +4. Every speaker is bound to confine himself to the question. This +rule is, however, very liberally interpreted in most deliberative +assemblies. + +5. Every speaker is bound to avoid personalities, and to exercise in +all respects a courteous and gentlemanly deportment. Principles and +measures are to be discussed, and not the motives or character of +those who advocate them.[Q] + +FOOTNOTE: + +[Q] The foregoing rules of order have been mainly condensed from that +excellent work, "The American Debater," by James N. McElligott, LL.D., +to which the reader is referred for a complete exposition of the whole +subject of debating. Published by Ivison and Phinney, New York, and +for sale by Fowler and Wells. + + + + +XI. + +MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS. + + These, some will say, are little things. It is true, they are + little but it is equally clear that they are necessary + things.--_Chesterfield._ + + +I.--REPUBLICAN DISTINCTIONS. + +We have defined equality in another place. We fully accept the +doctrine as there set forth. We have no respect for mere conventional +and arbitrary distinctions. Hereditary titles command no deference +from us. Lords and dukes are entitled to no respect simply because +they are lords and dukes. If they are really _noble men_, we honor +them accordingly. Their titles are mere social fictions. + +True republicanism requires that every man shall have an equal +chance--that every man shall be free to become as unequal as he can. +No man should be valued the less or the more on account of his +grandfather, his position, his possessions, or his occupation. The MAN +should be superior to the accidents of his birth, and should take that +rank which is due to his merit.[R] + +The error committed by our professedly republican communities +consists, not in the recognition of classes and grades of rank, but in +placing them, as they too often do, on artificial and not on natural +grounds. We have had frequent occasion, in the preceding pages, to +speak of superiors and inferiors. We fully recognize the relation +which these words indicate. It is useless to quarrel with Nature, who +has nowhere in the universe given us an example of the absolute, +unqualified, dead-level equality which some pseudo-reformers have +vainly endeavored to institute among men. Such leveling is neither +possible nor desirable. Harmony is born of difference, and not of +sameness. + +We have in our country a class of toad-eaters who delight in paying +the most obsequious homage to fictitious rank of every kind. A vulgar +millionaire of the Fifth Avenue, and a foreign adventurer with a +meaningless title, are equally objects of their misplaced deference. +Losing sight of their own manhood and self-respect, they descend to +the most degrading sycophancy. We have little hope of benefiting them. +They are "joined to their idols; let them alone." + +But a much larger class of our people are inclined to go to the +opposite extreme, and ignore veneration, in its human aspect, +altogether. They have no reverence for anybody or anything. This class +of people will read our book, and, we trust, profit by its well-meant +hints. We respect them, though we can not always commend their +manners. They have independence and manliness, but fail to accord due +respect to the manhood of others. It is for their special benefit that +we leave touched with considerable emphasis on the deference due to +age and _genuine_ rank, from whatever source derived. + +Your townsman, Mr. Dollarmark, has no claim on you for any special +token of respect, simply because he inherited half a million, which +has grown in his hands to a million and a half, while you can not +count half a thousand, or because he lives in his own palatial +mansion, and you in a hired cottage; but your neighbor, Mr. Anvil, +who, setting out in life, like yourself, without a penny, has amassed +a little fortune by his own unaided exertions, and secured a high +social position by his manliness, integrity, and good breeding, is +entitled to a certain deference on your part--a recognition of his +merits and his superiority. Mr. Savant, who has gained distinction for +himself and conferred honor on his country by his scientific +discoveries, and your aged friend Mr. Goodman, who, though a stranger +to both wealth and fame, is drawing toward the close of a long and +useful life, during which he has helped to build up and give character +to the place in which he lives, have, each in his own way, _earned_ +the right to some token of deference from those who have not yet +reached an equally elevated position. + +It is not for birth, or wealth, or occupation, or any other accidental +circumstance, that we ask reverence, but for _inherent nobility +wrought out in life_. This is what should give men rank and titles in +a republic. + +Your hired man, Patrick, may be your inferior, but it is not because +he is your hired man. Another man, who is your _superior_ in every +way, may stand in the same business relation to you. He may sell you +certain stipulated services for a stipulated amount of money; but you +bargain for no deference that your real social position and character +do not call for from him. He, and not you, may be entitled to the +"wall side," and to precedence everywhere. + + +II.--CITY AND COUNTRY. + +The words _civil_ and _civilized_ are derived from the Latin _civitas_ +(Ital., _citta_), a city, and _polite_, from the Greek [Greek: polis] +(_polis_), a city; because cities are the first to become civilized, +or _civil_, and polite, or _polished_ (Latin, _polire_). They are +still, as a general rule, the home of the most highly cultivated +people, as well as of the rudest and most degraded, and unquestioned +arbiters of fashion and social observances. For this reason the rules +of etiquette laid down in this and all other works on the subject of +manners, are calculated, as the astronomers say, for the meridian of +the city. The observances of the country are borrowed from the city, +and modified to suit the social condition and wants of the different +localities. This must always be borne in mind, and your behavior +regulated accordingly. The white or pale yellow gloves, which you must +wear during the whole evening at a fashionable evening party in the +city, under pain of being set down as unbearably vulgar, would be very +absurd appendages at a social gathering at a farm-house in the +country. None but a _snob_ would wear them at such a place. So with +other things. + + +III.--IMPORTED MANNERS. + +N. P. Willis says, "We should be glad to see a distinctly American +school of good manners, in which all useless etiquette were thrown +aside, but every politeness adopted or invented which could promote +sensible and easy exchanges of good-will and sociability. Good sense +and consideration for others should be the basis of every usage of +polite life that is worth regarding. Indeed, we have long thought that +our country was old enough to adopt measures and etiquettes of its +own, based, like all other politeness, upon benevolence and common +sense. To get rid of imported etiquette is the first thing to do for +American politeness." + +This is an important truth well stated. We have had enough of mere +imported conventionalism in manners. Our usages should not be English +or French usages, further than English and French usages are founded +on universal principles. Politeness is the same everywhere and always, +but the forms of etiquette must change with times and places; for an +observance which may be proper and useful in London or Paris, may be +abundantly absurd in New York. + + +IV.--FICTITIOUS TITLES. + +In answer to a correspondent who inquires whether an American citizen +should address a European nobleman by his title, _Life Illustrated_ +says: + +"We answer, unhesitatingly, No. Most of the European titles are purely +fictitious, as well as ridiculous. The Duke of Northumberland, for +example, has nothing in particular to do with Northumberland, nor does +he exercise dukeship (or leadership) over anything except his private +estate. The title is a perfect absurdity; it means nothing whatever; +it is a mere nickname; and Mr. Percy is a fool for permitting himself +to be addressed as 'My Lord Duke,' and 'Your Grace.' Indeed, even in +England, gentlemen use those titles very sparingly, and servants alone +habitually employ then. American citizens who are thrown, in their +travels, or in their intercourse with society, into communication with +persons bearing titles, may treat them with all due respect without +Gracing or My-Lording them. In our opinion, they should do so. And we +have faith enough in the good sense of the English people to believe +that the next generation, or the next but one, will see a general +abandonment of fictitious titles by the voluntary action of the very +people who hold them. At the same time, we are inclined to think that +the bestowment of real titles--titles which mean something, titles +given in recognition of distinguished worth and eminent services, +titles not hereditary--will be one of the most cherished prerogatives +of the enlightened states of the good time coming. The first step, +however, must be the total abolition of all titles which are +fictitious and hereditary." + + +V.--A MIRROR FOR CERTAIN MEN. + +The following rather broad hints to certain bipeds who _ought_ to be +gentlemen, were clipped from some newspaper. We are sorry we do not +know to whom to credit the article: + +"Who can tell why women are expected, on pain of censure and +avoidance, to conform to a high standard of behavior, while men are +indulged in another a great deal lower? We never could fully +understand why men should be tolerated in the chewing of tobacco, in +smoking and in spitting everywhere almost, and at all times, whereas a +woman can not do any of these things without exciting aversion and +disgust. Why ought a man to be allowedly so self-indulgent, putting +his limbs and person in all manner of attitudes, however uncouth and +distasteful, merely because such vulgarities yield him temporary +eases, while a woman is always required to preserve an attitude, if +not of positive grace, at least of decency and propriety, from which +if she departs, though but for an instant, she forfeits respect, and +is instantly branded as a low creature! + +"Can any one say why a man when he has the tooth-ache, or is called to +suffer in any other way, should be permitted, as a matter of course, +to groan and bellow, and vent his feelings very much in the style of +an animal not endowed with reason, while a woman similarly suffering +must bear it in silence and decorum? Why, should men, as a class, +habitually, and as a matter of right, boldly wear the coarsest +qualities of human nature on the outside, and swear and fight, and +beastify themselves, so that they are obliged to be put into separate +pens in the cars on railroads, and at the depots, while woman must +appear with an agreeable countenance, if not in smiles, even when the +head, or perhaps the heart, aches, and are expected to permit nothing +ill-tempered, disagreeable, or even unhappy to appear outwardly, but +to keep all these concealed in their own bosoms to suffer as they may, +lest they might otherwise lessen the cheerfulness of others? + +"These are a few suggestions only among many we would hint to the +stronger and more exciting sex to be reflected on for the improvement +of their tastes and manners. In the mirror thus held up before them, +they can not avoid observing the very different standards by which the +behavior of the two sexes is constantly regulated. If any reason can +be assigned why one should always be a lady, and the other hardly ever +a gentleman, we hope it will be done." + + +VI.--WASHINGTON'S CODE OF MANNERS. + +Every action ought to be with some sign of respect to those present. +Be no flatterer; neither play with any one who delights not to be +played with. Read no paper or book in company. Come not near the +papers or books of another when he is writing. Let your countenance be +cheerful; but in serious matters be grave. Let your discourse with +others, on matters of business, be short. It is good manners to let +others speak first. When a man does all he can, do not blame him, +though he succeeds not well. Take admonitions thankfully. Be not too +hasty to receive lying reports to the injury of another. Let your +dress be modest, and consult your condition. _Play not the peacock by +looking vainly at yourself._ It is better to be alone than in bad +company. Let your conversation be without malice or envy. Urge not +your friend to discover a secret. Break not a jest where none take +pleasure in mirth. Gaze not on the blemishes of others. When another +speaks, be attentive. + + +VII.--MARKED PASSAGES. + +On turning over the leaves of the various works on etiquette which we +have had occasion to consult in the preparation of this little manual, +we have marked with our pencil a large number of passages which seemed +to us to embody important facts or thoughts, with the hope of being +able to weave them into our work, each in its appropriate place. Some +of them we have made use of according to our original intention; a few +others not elsewhere used, we purpose to throw together here without +any attempt at classification. + + +1. _Our Social Uniform._ + +The universal partiality of our countrymen for _black_, as the color +of dress clothes, at least, is frequently remarked upon by foreigners. +Among the best dressed men on the Continent, as well as in England, +black, through not confined to the clergy, is in much less general use +than here. They adopt the darker shades of blue, brown, and green, and +for undress almost as great diversity of colors as of fabrics. + + +2. _A Hint to the Ladies._ + +Don't make your rooms gloomy. Furnish them for light and let them have +it. Daylight is very cheap, and candle or gas light you need not use +often. If your rooms are dark, all the effect of furniture, pictures, +walls, and carpets is lost. Finally, if you have beautiful things, +make them useful. The fashion of having a nice parlor, and then +shutting it up all but three or four days in the year, when you have +company; spending your own life in a mean room, shabbily furnished, or +an unhealthy basement, to save your things, is the meanest possible +economy. Go a little further--shut up your house, and live in a +pig-pen! The use of nice and beautiful things is to act upon your +spirit--to educate you and make you beautiful. + + +3. _Another._ + +Don't put your cards around the looking-glass, unless in your private +boudoir. If you wish to display them, keep them in a suitable basket +or vase on the mantle or center-table. + + +4. _An Obliging Disposition._ + +Polite persons are necessarily obliging. A smile is always on their +lips, an earnestness in their countenance, when we ask a favor of +them. They know that to render a service with a bad grace, is in +reality not to render it at all. If they are obliged to refuse a +favor, they do it with mildness and delicacy; they express such +feeling regret that they still inspire us with gratitude; in short, +their conduct appears so perfectly natural that it really seems that +the opportunity which is offered them of obliging us, is obliging +themselves; and they refuse all our thanks, without affectation or +effort. + + +5. _Securing a Home._ + +Let me, as a somewhat scrutinizing observer of the varying phases of +social life, in our own country especially, enter my earnest protest +against the practice so commonly adopted by newly-married persons, of +_boarding_, in place of at once establishing for themselves the +distinctive and ennobling prerogatives of HOME. Language and time +would alike fail me in an endeavor to set forth the manifold evils +inevitably growing out of this fashionable system. Take the advice of +an old man, who has tested theories by prolonged experience, and at +once establish your PENATES within four walls, and under a roof that +will, at times, exclude all who are not properly denizens of your +household, upon assuming the rights and obligations of married life. +Do not be deterred from this step by the conviction that you can not +shrine your home deities upon pedestals of marble. _Cover their bases +with flowers_--God's free gift to all--and the plainest support will +suffice for them if it be but _firm_. + + +6. _Taste vs. Fashion._ + +A lady should never, on account of economy, wear either what she deems +an ugly or an ungraceful garment; such garments never put her at her +ease, and are neglected and cast aside long before they have done her +their true service. We are careful only of those things which suit us, +and which we believe adorn us, and the mere fact of believing that we +look well, goes a great way toward making us do so. Fashion should be +sacrificed to taste, or, at best, followed at a distance; it does not +do to be _entirely out_, nor _completely in_, what is called +"fashion," many things being embraced under that term which are +frivolous, unmeaning, and sometimes meretricious. + + +7. _Special Claims._ + +There are persons to whom a lady or gentleman should be especially +polite. All elderly persons, the unattractive, the poor, and those +whose dependent positions may cause them to fear neglect. The +gentleman who offers his arm or gives his time to an old lady, or asks +a very plain one to dance, or attends one who is poorly dressed, never +looses in others' estimation or his own. + + +8. _Propriety of Deportment._ + +Propriety of deportment is the valuable result of a knowledge of one's +self, and of respect for the rights of others; it is a feeling of the +sacrifices which are imposed on self-esteem by our social relations; +it is, in short, a sacred requirement of harmony and affection. + + +9. _False Pride._ + +False pride and false dignity are very mean qualities. A true +gentleman will do anything proper for him to do. He can soil his hands +or use his muscles when there is occasion. The truest gentleman is +more likely to carry home a market-basket, or a parcel, or to wheel a +barrow through Broadway, than many a conceited little snob of a +shop-boy. + + +10. _The Awkwardness of being "Dressed."_ + +When dressed for company, strive to appear as easy and natural as if +you were in undress. Nothing is more distressing to a sensitive +person, or more ridiculous to one gifted with an _esprit moquer_ [a +disposition to "make fun"], than to see a lady laboring under the +consciousness of a fine gown; or a gentleman who is stiff, awkward, +and ungainly in a brand-new coat. + + +FOOTNOTE: + +[R] _Life Illustrated._ + + + + +XII. + +MAXIMS FROM CHESTERFIELD. + + The pages of the "Noble Oracle" are replete with sound advice, + which all may receive with profit. Genuine politeness is the + same always and everywhere.--_Madame Bienceance._ + + +1. _Cheerfulness and Good Humor._ + +It is a wonderful thing that so many persons, putting in claims to +good breeding, should think of carrying their spleen into company, and +entertaining those with whom they converse with a history of their +pains, head-aches, and ill-treatment. This is, of all others, the +meanest help to social happiness; and a man must have a very mean +opinion of himself, who, on having detailed his grievances, is +accosted by asking the news. Mutual good-humor is a dress in which we +ought to appear, whenever we meet; and we ought to make no mention of +ourselves, unless it be in matters wherein our friends ought to +rejoice. There is no real life but cheerful life; therefore +valetudinarians should be sworn before they enter into company not to +say a word of themselves until the meeting breaks up. + + +2. _The Art of Pleasing._ + +The art of pleasing is a very necessary one to possess, but a very +difficult one to acquire. It can hardly be reduced to rules; and your +own good sense and observation will teach you more of it than I can. +Do as you would be done by, is the surest method that I know of +pleasing. Observe carefully what pleases you in others, and probably +the same things in you will please others. If you are pleased with +the complaisance and attention of others to you, depend upon it the +same complaisance and attention, on your part, will equally please +them. Take the tone of the company you are in, and do not pretend to +give it; be serious or gay, as you find the present humor of the +company. This is an attention due from every individual to the +majority. + + +3. _Adaptation of Manners._ + +Ceremony resembles that base coin which circulates through a country +by the royal mandate. It serves every purpose of real money at home, +but is entirely useless if carried abroad. A person who should attempt +to circulate his native trash in another country would be thought +either ridiculous or culpable. He is truly well-bred who knows when to +value and when to despise those national peculiarities which are +regarded by some with so much observance. A traveler of taste at once +perceives that the wise are polite all the world over, but that fools +are polite only at home. + + +4. _Bad Habits._ + +Keep yourself free from strange tricks or habits, such as thrusting on +your tongue, continually snapping your fingers, rubbing your hands, +sighing aloud, gaping with a noise like a country fellow that has been +sleeping in a hay-loft, or indeed with any noise; and many others that +I have noticed before. These are imitations of the manners of the mob, +and are degrading to a gentleman. It is rude and vulgar to lean your +head back and destroy the appearance of fine papered walls. + + +5. _Do what You are About._ + +_Hoc age_ was a maxim among the Romans, which means, "Do what you are +about, and do that only." A little mind is hurried by twenty things +at once; but a man of sense does but one thing at a time, and resolves +to excel in it; for whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing +well. Therefore, remember to give yourself up entirely to the thing +you are doing, be it what it may, whether your book or your play; for +if you have a right ambition, you will desire to excel all boys of +your age, at cricket, at trap-ball, as well as in learning. + + +6. _People who never Learn._ + +There have been people who have frequented the first companies all +their lifetime, and yet have never divested themselves of their +natural stiffness and awkwardness; but have continued as vulgar as if +they were never out of a servants' hall. This has been owing to +carelessness, and a want of attention to the manners and behavior of +others. + + +7. _Conformity to Local Manners._ + +Civility, which is a disposition to accommodate and oblige others, is +essentially the same in every country; but good-breeding, as it is +called, which is the manner of exerting that disposition, is different +in almost every country, and merely local; and every man of sense +imitates and conforms to that local good-breeding or the place which +he is at. + + +8. _How to Confer Favors._ + +The greatest favors may be done so awkwardly and bunglingly as to +offend; and disagreeable things may be done so agreeably as almost to +oblige. Endeavor to acquire this great secret. It exists, it is to be +found, and is worth a great deal more than the grand secret of the +alchymists would be, if it were, as it is not, to be found. + + +9. _Fitness._ + +One of the most important points of life is decency, which means doing +what is proper, and where it is proper; for many things are proper at +one time, and in one place, that are extremely improper in another. +Read men, therefore, yourself, not in books, but in nature. Adopt no +systems, but study them yourself. + + +10. _How to Refuse._ + +A polite manner of refusing to comply with the solicitations of a +company is also very necessary to be learned; for a young man who +seems to have no will of his own, but does everything that is asked of +him, may be a very good-natured, but he is a very silly, fellow. + + +11. _Civility to Women._ + +Civility is particularly due to all women; and remember that no +provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to every +woman; and the greatest man in the world would be justly reckoned a +brute, if he were not civil to the meanest woman. + + +12. _Spirit._ + +Spirit is now a very fashionable word. To act with spirit, to speak +with spirit, means only to act rashly, and to talk indiscreetly. An +able man shows his spirit by gentle words and resolute actions; he is +neither hot nor timid. + + + + +XIII. + +ILLUSTRATIVE ANECDOTES. + + It is well to combine amusement with instruction, whether you + write for young or old.--_Anonymous._ + + +I.--ELDER BLUNT AND SISTER SCRUB. + +The house of the excellent Squire Scrub was the itinerant's home; and +a right sweet, pleasant home it would have been but for a certain +unfortunate weakness of the every other way _excellent_ Sister Scrub. +The weakness I allude to was, or at least it was suspected to be, _the +love of praise_. Now the good sister was really worthy of high praise, +and she often received it; but she had a way of disparaging herself +and her performances which some people thought was intended to invite +praise. No housewife kept her floors looking so clean and her walls so +well whitewashed as she. Every board was scrubbed and scoured till +further scrubbing and scouring would have been labor wasted. No one +could look on her white ash floor and not admire the polish her +industry gave it. The "Squire" was a good provider, and Sister Scrub +was an excellent cook; and so their table groaned under a burden of +good things on all occasions when good cheer was demanded. And yet you +could never enter the house and sit half an hour without being +reminded that "Husband held Court yesterday, and she couldn't keep the +house decent." If you sat down to eat with them, she was sorry she +"hadn't anything fit to eat." She had been scrubbing, or washing, or +ironing, or she had been half sick, and she hadn't got such and such +things that she ought to have. Nor did it matter how bountiful or how +well prepared the repast really was, there was always _something_ +deficient, the want of which furnished a text for a disparaging +discourse on the occasion. I remember once that we sat down to a table +that a king might have been happy to enjoy. There was the light +snow-white bread; there were the potatoes reeking in butter; there +were chickens swimming in gravy; there were the onions and the +turnips, and I was sure Sister Scrub had gratified her ambition for +once. We sat down, and a blessing was asked; instantly the good sister +began; she was afraid her coffee was too much burned, or that the +water had been smoked, or that she hadn't roasted the chicken enough. +There ought to have been some salad, and it was too bad that there was +nothing nice to offer us. + +We, of course, endured those unjustifiable apologies as well as the +could, simply remarking that everything was really nice, and proving +by our acts that the repast was tempting to our appetites. + +I will now introduce another actor to the reader--Elder Blunt, the +circuit preacher. Elder Blunt was a good man. His religion was of the +most genuine, experimental kind. He was a _very_ plain man. He, like +Mr. Wesley, would no more dare to preach a _fine_ sermon than wear a +fine coat. He was celebrated for his common-sense way of exhibiting +the principles of religion. He _would_ speak just what he thought, and +as he felt. He somehow got the name of being an eccentric preacher, as +every man, I believe, does who _never_ prevaricates, and always acts +and speaks as he thinks. Somehow or other, Elder Blunt had heard of +Sister Scrub, and that infirmity of hers, and he resolved to cure +her. On his first round he stopped at "Squire Scrub's," as all other +itinerants had done before him. John, the young man, took the elder's +horse and put him in the stable, and the preacher entered the house. +He was shown into the best room, and soon felt very much at home. He +expected to hear something in due time disparaging the domestic +arrangements, but he heard it sooner than he expected. This time, if +Sister Scrub could be credited, her house was all upside down; it +wasn't fit to stay in, and she was sadly mortified to be caught in +such a plight. The elder looked all around the room, as if to observe +the terrible disorder, but he said not a word. By-and-by the dinner +was ready, and the elder sat down with the family to a well spread +table. Here, again, Sister Scrub found everything faulty; the coffee +wasn't fit to drink, and she hadn't anything fit to eat. The elder +lifted his dark eye to her face; for a moment he seemed to penetrate +her very soul with his austere gaze; then slowly rising from the +table, he said, "Brother Scrub, I want my horse immediately; I must +leave!" + +"Why, Brother Blunt, what is the matter?" + +"Matter? Why, sir, your house isn't fit to stay in, and you haven't +anything fit to eat or drink, and I won't stay." + +Both the "Squire" and his lady were confounded. This was a piece of +eccentricity entirely unlooked for. They were stupefied. But the elder +was gone. He wouldn't stay in a house not fit to stay in, and where +there wasn't anything fit to eat and drink. + +Poor Sister Scrub! She wept like a child at her folly. She "knew it +would be all over town," she said, "and everybody would be laughing at +her." And then, how should she meet the blunt, honest elder again? +"She hadn't meant anything by what she had said." Ah! she never +thought how wicked it was to say _so much_ that didn't mean anything. + +The upshot of the whole matter was, that Sister Scrub "saw herself as +others saw her." She ceased making apologies, and became a wiser and +better Christian. Elder Blunt always puts up there, always finds +everything as it should be, and, with all his eccentricities, is +thought by the family the most agreeable, as he is acknowledged by +everybody to be the most consistent, of men.--_Rev. J. V. Watson._ + + +II.--THE PRESENCE. + +Mr. Johnson, an English traveler, relates, in his notes on North +America, the following story: + +"At Boston," he says, "I was told of a gentleman in the neighborhood +who, having a farm servant, found him very satisfactory in every +respect, except that he invariably came into his employer's room with +his hat on. + +"'John,' said he to the man one day, 'you always keep your hat on when +you come into the room.' + +"'Well, sir,' said John, 'and haven't I a right to?' + +"'Yes,' was his employer's reply, 'I suppose you have.' + +"'Well,' said John, 'if I have a right to, why shouldn't I?' + +"This was a poser from one man to another, where all have equal +rights. So, after a moment's reflection the gentleman asked: + +"'Now, John, what will you take, how much more wages will you ask, to +take off your hat whenever you come in?' + +"'Well, that requires consideration, I guess,' said the man. + +"'Take the thing into consideration, then,' rejoined the employer, +'and let me know to-morrow morning.' + +"The morrow comes, and John appears. + +"'Well, John, have you considered what additional wages you are to +have for taking your hat off?' + +"'Well, sir, I guess it's worth a dollar a month.' + +"'It's settled, then, John; you shall have another dollar a month.' + +"So the gentleman retained a good man, while John's hat was always in +his hand when he entered the house." + +This story, to one who knows New England, is not altogether +incredible. Toward the democratization of this country, yet most +incomplete, it will perhaps be one day conceded that the South has +contributed ideas, and New England sentiment; while the Great West +will have made a partial application of both to the conduct of life. +The Yankees are the kindest and the acutest of our people, and the +most ungraceful. Nowhere in the world is there so much good feeling, +combined with so much rudeness of manner, as in New England. The +South, colonized by Cavaliers, retains much of the Cavalier +improvidence and careless elegance of manner; and Southerners, like +the soil they till, are generous. But the Yankees, descended from +austere and Puritanic farmers, and accustomed to wring their +subsistence from an unwilling soil, possess the sterling virtues of +human nature along with a stiff-jointed awkwardness of manner, and a +sharp angularity of thought, which renders them unpleasing even to +those who respect them most. A Yankee seldom ceases to be provincial. + +But John is waiting, hat in hand, to hear what we have to say +respecting his case. + +We say that John was wrong in not taking off his hat voluntarily, but +that the feeling which prevented his doing so was right. He was right +in feeling that the accidental circumstance of his being a hired man +gave his employer no claim to any special mark of respect from him; +and, as he considered that the removal of his hat would have been a +special mark of respect, and thus an acknowledgment of social +inferiority, he declined to make that acknowledgment. But John was +mistaken. The act referred to would not have borne such an +interpretation. John ought to have felt that on coming into the +presence of a man, a fellow-citizen and co-sovereign, and particularly +on entering his abode, one of the innumerable royal residences of the +country, some visible sign of respect, some kind of deferential +salutation, is _due_ from the person entering. John should have risen +superior to the mere accident of his position, and remembered only +that he and his employer were men and equals. The positions of the two +men might be reversed in a day; their equality as men and citizens, +nothing but crime could affect.--_James Parton._ + + +III.--A LEARNED MAN AT TABLE. + +Some of the many errors which are liable to be committed through +ignorance of usage, are pleasantly pointed out in the following story, +which is related by a French writer: + +The Abbe Cosson, professor in the _College Mazarin_, thoroughly +accomplished in the art of teaching, saturated with Greek, Latin, and +literature, considered himself a perfect well of science: he had no +conception that a man who knew all Persius and Horace by heart could +possibly commit an error--above all, an error at table. But it was not +long before he discovered his mistake. One day, after dining with the +Abbe de Radonvilliers at Versailles, in company with several courtiers +and marshals of France; he was boasting of the rare acquaintance with +etiquette and custom which he had exhibited at dinner. The Abbe +Delille, who heard this eulogy upon his own conduct, interrupted his +harangue by offering to wager that he had committed at least a hundred +improprieties at the table. "How is it possible?" exclaimed Cosson. "I +did exactly like the rest of the company." + +"What absurdity!" said the other. "You did a thousand things which no +one else did. First, when you sat down at the table, what did you do +with your napkin?" "My napkin! why, just what everybody else did with +theirs. I unfolded it entirely, and fastened it to my button-hole." +"Well, my dear friend," said Delille, "you were the only one that did +_that_, at all events. No one hangs up his napkin in that style; they +are contented with placing it on their knees. And what did you do when +you took soup?" "Like the others, I believe. I took any spoon in one +hand and my fork in the other--" "Your fork! Who ever ate soup with a +fork? But to proceed: after your soup, what did you eat?" "A fresh +egg." "And what did you do with the shell?" "Handed it to the servant +who stood behind my chair." "Without breaking it, of course?" "Well, +my dear Abbe, nobody ever eats an egg without breaking the shell." +"And after your egg--?" "I asked the Abbe Radonvilliers to send me a +piece of the hen near him." "Bless my soul! a piece of the _hen_! You +never speak of hens excepting in the barn-yard. You should have asked +for fowl, or chicken. But you say nothing of your mode of drinking." +"Like all the rest, I asked for _claret_ and _champagne_." "Let me +inform you, then, that persons always ask for _claret wine_ and +_champagne wine_. But tell me, how did you eat your bread?" "Surely I +did that properly. I cut it with my knife in the most regular manner +possible." "Bread should always be broken, not cut. But the coffee, +how did you manage it?" "It was rather too hot, and I poured a little +of it into my saucer." "Well, you committed here the greatest fault of +all. You should never pour your coffee into the saucer, but always +drink it from the cup." The poor Abbe was confounded. He felt that +though one might be master of the seven sciences, yet that there was +another species of knowledge which, if less dignified, was equally +important. + +This occurred many years ago, but there is not one of the observances +neglected by the Abbe Cosson which is not enforced with equal +rigidness in the present day. + + +IV.--ENGLISH WOMEN IN HIGH LIFE. + +Lord Hardwicke's family consists of his countess, his eldest son +(about eighteen or twenty, Lord Royston by courtesy), three of the +finest-looking daughters you ever saw, and several younger sons. The +daughters--Lady Elizabeth, Lady Mary, and Lady Agnita--are +surpassingly beautiful; such development--such rosy cheeks, laughing +eyes, and unaffected manners--you rarely see combined. They take a +great deal of out-door exercise, and came aboard the Merrimac, in a +heavy rain, with Irish shoes thicker soled than you or I ever wore, +and cloaks and dresses almost impervious to wet. They steer their +father's yacht, walk the Lord knows how many miles, and don't care a +cent about rain, besides doing a host of other things that would shock +our ladies to death; and yet in the parlor are the most elegant +looking women, in their satin shoes and diamonds, I ever saw.... After +dinner the ladies play and sing for us, and the other night they got +up a game of blind-man's-buff; in which the ladies said we had the +advantage, inasmuch as their "petticoats rustled so that they were +easily caught." They call things by their names here. In the course of +the game, Lord Hardwicke himself was blindfolded, and, trying to catch +some one, fell over his daughter's lap on the floor, when two or three +of the girls caught him by the legs and dragged his lordship--roaring +with laughter, as we all were--on his back into the middle of the +floor. Yet they are perfectly respectful, but appear on a perfect +equality with each other.--_Letter from an Officer of the "Merrimac."_ + + +V.--"VIL YOU SAY SO, IF YOU PLEASE?" + +"Speaking of _not speaking_," said I, when the general amusement had +abated, "reminds me of an amusing little scene that I once witnessed +in the public parlor of a New England tavern, where I was compelled to +wait several hours for a stage-coach. Presently there entered a +bustling, sprightly-looking little personage, who, after frisking +about the room, apparently upon a tom of inspection, finally settled +herself very comfortably in the large cushioned rocking-chair--the +only one in the room--and was soon, as I had no reason to doubt, sound +asleep. It was not long, however, before a noise of some one entering +aroused her, and a tall, gaunt, old Yankee woman, hung around with +countless bags, bonnet-boxes, and nondescript appendages of various +sizes and kinds, presented herself to our vision. After slowly +relieving herself of the numberless incumbrances that impeded her +progress in life, she turned to a young man who accompanied her, and +said, in a tone so peculiarly shrill that it might have been mistaken, +at this day, for a railroad whistle-- + +"'Now, Jonathan, don't let no grass grow under your feet while you go +for them toothache drops; I am a'most crazy with pain!' laying a hand +upon the affected spot as she spoke; 'and here,' she called out, as +the door was closing upon her messenger, 'just get my box filled at +the same time,' diving with her disengaged hand into the unknown +depths of, seemingly, the most capacious of pockets, and bringing to +light a shining black box of sufficient size to hold all the jewels of +a modern belle. 'I thought I brought along my snuff-bladder, but I +don't know where I put it, my head is so stirred up.' + +"By this time the little woman in the rocking-chair was fairly +aroused, and rising, she courteously offered her seat to the stranger, +her accent at once betraying her claim to be ranked with the politest +of nations (a bow, on my part, to the fair foreigner in the group). +With a prolonged stare, the old woman coolly ensconced herself in the +vacated seat, making not the slightest acknowledgment of the civility +she had received. Presently she began to groan, rocking herself +furiously at the same time. The former occupant of the stuffed chair, +who had retired to a window and perched herself in one of a long row +of wooden seats, hurried to the sufferer. 'I fear, madame,' said she, +'that you suffare ver' much--vat can I do for you?' The representative +of Yankeedom might have been a wooden clock-case for all the response +she made to this amiable inquiry, unless her rocking more furiously +than ever might be construed into a reply. + +"The little Frenchwoman, apparently wholly unable to class so +anomalous a specimen of humanity, cautiously retreated. + +"Before I was summoned away, the toothache drops and the snuff +together (both administered in large doses) seemed to have gradually +produced the effect of oil poured upon troubled waters. + +"The sprightly Frenchwoman again ventured upon the theater of action. + +"'You find yourself now much improved, madame?' she asked, with +considerable vivacity. A very slight nod was the only answer. + +"'And you feel dis _fauteuil_ really very _com-for-ta-ble_?' pursued +the little woman, with augmented energy of voice. Another nod was just +discernible. + +"No intonation of mine can do justice to the very ecstasy of +impatience with which the pertinacious questioner actually _screamed_ +out: + +"'_Bien_, madame, _vil you say so_, if you please?' + +"_Henry Lunettes._" + + * * * * * + +THE INDISPENSABLE HAND-BOOK. + +How to Write----How to Talk----How to Behave, and How to Do Business. + +COMPLETE IN ONE LARGE VOLUME. + +This new work--in four parts--embraces just that practical +matter-of-fact information which every one--old and young--ought to +have. It will aid in attaining, if it does not insure, "success in +life." It contains some 600 pages, elegantly bound, and is divided +into four parts, as follows: + +HOW TO WRITE: + + As a Manual of Letter-Writing and Composition, is far superior + to the common "Letter-Writers." It teaches the inexperienced how + to write Business Letters, Family Letters, Friendly Letters, + Love Letters, Notes and Cards, and Newspaper Articles, and how + to Correct Proof for the Press. The newspapers have pronounced + it "Indispensable." + +HOW TO TALK: + + No other Book contains so much Useful Instruction on the subject + as this. It teaches how to Speak Correctly, Clearly, Fluently, + Forcibly, Eloquently, and Effectively, in the Shop, in the + Drawing-room; a Chairman's Guide, to conduct Debating Societies + and Public Meetings; how to Spell, end how to Pronounce all + sorts of Words; with Exercises for Declamation. The chapter on + "Errors Corrected" is worth the price of the volume to every + young man. "Worth a dozen grammars." + +HOW TO BEHAVE: + + This is a Manual of Etiquette, and it is believed to be the best + "MANNERS BOOK" ever written. If you desire to know what good + manners require, at Home, on the Street, at a Party, at Church, + at Table, in Conversation, at Places of Amusement, in Traveling, + in the Company of Ladies, in Courtship, this book will inform + you. It is a standard work on Good Behavior. + +HOW TO DO BUSINESS: + + Indispensable in the Counting-room, in the Store, in the Shop, + on the FARM, for the Clerk, the Apprentice, the Book Agent, and + for Business Men. It teaches how to Choose a Pursuit, and how to + follow it with success. "It teaches how to get rich honestly," + and how to use your riches wisely. + +How to Write--How to Talk--How to Behave--How to Do Business, bound in +one large handsome volume, for $2 + + +PRACTICAL OUTDOOR BOOKS. + +HOW TO RAISE FRUITS.--A Handbook of Fruit Culture. 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Containing a plain common-sense statement of the +methods employed by painters to produce satisfactory results in Plain +and Fancy Painting of every description, including Gilding, Bronzing, +Staining, Graining, Marbling, Varnishing, Polishing, Kalsomining, +Paper-Hanging, Striping, Lettering, Copying, and Ornamenting, with +directions for mixing and applying all kinds of Paints. Makes "Every +Man his Own Painter." $1.00. + +THE MODEL POTATO.--An exposition of the proper cultivation of the +Potato; the Causes of its Disease, and the Remedy; its Renewal, +Preservation, Productiveness, and Cooking. 50 cents. + +HORSES: THEIR FEED AND THEIR FEET.--A manual of horse hygiene, +invaluable for the veteran or the novice, pointing out the causes of +"Malaria," "Glanders," "Pink Eye," "Distemper," etc., and how to +Prevent and Counteract them. By C. E. PAGE, M.D., with a Treatise and +Notes on Shoeing by Sir George Cox and Col. M. C. Weld. 150 pp. 12mo, +paper, 50 cents; extra cloth, 75 cents. + + By mail, post-paid, on receipt of price. Address + + FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, + 753 Broadway, New York + + +A NEW WORK. + +_FRESH, SEASONABLE, ADVANCED._ + +BRAIN AND MIND; + +OR + +MENTAL SCIENCE CONSIDERED IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PRINCIPLES OF +PHRENOLOGY, AND IN RELATION TO MODERN PHYSIOLOGY + + By HENRY S. DRAYTON, A.M., and JAMES McNEILL. + + Illustrated with over One Hundred Portraits and Diagrams. + 12mo, extra cloth Price, $1.60. + +This contribution to the science of mind has been made in response to +the demand of the time for a work embodying the grand principles of +Phrenology, as they are understood and applied to-day by the advanced +exponents of mental philosophy. The authors state in their Preface: +"In preparing this volume it has been the aim to meet an existing +want, viz. That of a treatise which not only gives the reader a +complete view of the system of mental science known as Phrenology, but +also exhibits its relation to anatomy and physiology as those sciences +are represented to-day by standard authority." + +The work is divided into eighteen chapters, which are entitled as +follows: + + CHAPTERS. + I. GENERAL PRINCIPLES. + II. OF THE TEMPERAMENTS. + III. STRUCTURE OF THE BRAIN AND SKULL. + IV. CLASSIFICATION OF THE FACULTIES. + V. THE PHYSICO-PRESERVATIVE, OR SELFISH ORGANS. + VI. OF THE INTELLECT. + VII. THE SEMI-INTELLECTUAL FACULTIES. + VIII. THE ORGANS OF THE SOCIAL FUNCTIONS. + IX. THE SELFISH SENTIMENTS. + X. THE MORAL AND RELIGIOUS SENTIMENTS. + XI. HOW TO EXAMINE HEADS. + XII. HOW CHARACTER IS MANIFESTED. + XIII. THE ACTION OF THE FACULTIES. + XIV. THE RELATION OF PHRENOLOGY TO METAPHYSICS AND EDUCATION. + XV. VALUE OF PHRENOLOGY AS AN ART. + XVI. PHRENOLOGY AND PHYSIOLOGY. + XVII. OBJECTIONS AND CONFIRMATIONS BY THE PHYSIOLOGISTS. + XVIII. PHRENOLOGY IN GENERAL LITERATURE. + +In style and treatment it is adapted to the general reader, and +abounds with valuable instruction expressed in clear, practical terms. + +It is printed on fine paper, and substantially bound in cloth, and +contains 325 pages. 12mo. Price $1.50, by mail post-paid. + + _Address_ FOWLER & WELLS CO., 753 Broadway, N. Y. + + +HOW TO PAINT. + +_"EVERY MAN HIS OWN PAINTER."_ + +How to Paint.--A complete Compendium of the Art. Designed for the use +of Tradesmen, Mechanics, Merchants, Farmers, and a Guide to the +Professional Painter. Containing a plain Common-sense statement of the +Methods employed by Painters to produce satisfactory results in Plain +and Fancy Painting of every Description, including Gilding, Bronzing, +Staining, Graining, Marbling, Varnishing, Polishing, Kalsomining, +Paper Hanging, Striping, Lettering, Copying and Ornamenting, with +Formulas for Mixing Paint in Oil or Water. Description of Pigments +used; their Average Cost, Tools required, etc. By F. B. GARDNER, +author of the _Carriage Painter's Manual_. 127 pp. Cloth, $1.00. + +This is just the work needed by every person who has anything to +paint, as will be seen from the following from the Table of Contents. +It is very complete, and will make "Every Man his Own Painter." + + CHAPTER I.--PAINTING--Tools used. + + CHAPTER II.--BRUSHES. + + CHAPTER III.--DRY COLORS--White Lead; Fine White; Lamp Black; + Drop Black; Ivory Black; Prussian Blue; Ultramarine Green; + Yellow; Vermilion; Brown; Lake; Carmine; Rose Pink; Whiting; + Glue; Pumice Stone; Asphaltum. + + CHAPTER IV.--LIQUIDS--Spirits of Turpentine; Oils; Varnishes; + Furniture Varnish; Average Prices of Varnish; Shellac Varnish; + Japan Gold Size; Brown Japan Size; Fat Oil Size; Quick Size; + Asphaltum Size; Honey Size; Size for Glass. + + CHAPTER V.--COLORS IN OIL--Tube Colors; Compound Colors. + + CHAPTER VI.--Mixing Paint; White Paint; White for Inside Work; + China Glass; Oil Color for Outside Work; Dead, or Flat Color; + Colors Ground in Oil. PUTTY--Common Window Putty; Carriage + Painters' Putty; Cementing Putty; Furniture Putty; Hardwood + Putty; Putty for Plaster Work. + + CHAPTER VII.--MILK PAINT--Distemper Painting; Kalsomine; + Preparing Kalsomine; Paint for Out-Buildings; Paint for Iron + Railing; White wash; Size for Walls; Paste for Paper hanging; + Hanging Paper. + + CHAPTER VIII.--Graining; Oak in Distemper; Oak in Oil; Maple; + Mahogany; Rosewood; Black Walnut; Staining; Granite; Brown + Stone; Portland Stone; Smalting; Flockings; Marbling. + + CHAPTER IX.--GILDING--Gold Leaf; Silver Leaf; Dutch Metal; + Gilding on Glass; Bronzing; Stenciling; Transferring; + Decalcomanie; Transparent Painting; Pearl Inlaying; Making a + Rustic Picture; Painting Flower Stand; Polish for Mahogany; + Varnishing Furniture; Waxing Furniture; Cleaning Paint; Paint + for Farming Tools; Paint for Machinery; Paint for Household + Goods; Paint for Iron; To Imitate Ground Glass; Pumicing + Ornaments; Painting to Imitate Damask; To Paint a Farm Wagon; To + Re-Varnish a Carriage; To Duplicate Plaster Casts; "Putty Work;" + Permanent Wood Filling for House Work. + +It is neatly Printed, with illustrations showing everything that can +be illustrated in connection with the subject. Published in uniform +style with the Carriage Painter's Manual, at the same price. $1.00, by +mail, past-paid, to any address by B. R. WELLS & CO., Publishers, 737 +Broadway, N. Y. + + +THE EMPHATIC DIAGLOTT, + + Containing the Original Greek Text of THE NEW TESTAMENT with an + interlineary word-for-word English Translation; a new Emphatic + Version based on the Interlineary Translation, on the Readings + of Eminent Critics, and on the various Readings of the Vatican + Manuscript (No 1,209 in the Vatican Library); together with + illustrative and Explanatory Foot Notes, and a copious Selection + of References; to the whole of which is added a valuable + Alphabetical Index. + +By BENJAMIN WILSON. + +One Vol., 12mo, 884 pp. Price, extra cloth, $4; Lib. binding, $5. + +We have here a Greek Text acknowledged to be one of the best, which +Greek scholars will find of importance, while the unlearned have an +almost equal chance with those who are acquainted with the original, +by having an interlinear, literal, word-for-word English translation. +On the right hand of each page there is a column containing a special +rendering of the translation, including the labors of many talented +critics and translators, and in this column the emphatic signs are +noted by which the Greek words of emphasis are designated, which the +common and are new version of the New Testament fail to give. The +adopting of the ensigns of emphasis give a certainty and intensity to +the passages where they occur which can not be had without them. In +addition to this there are numerous footnotes and references, making +it on the whole one of the most valuable aids to Bible study yet +published. + +OPINIONS OF THE CLERGY. + +The following extracts from a letters received by the publishers will +go far to show in what the light the "Emphatic Diaglott" is regarded +by the clergy: + + From J. R. GRAVES, LL.D., _Editor of Tenn. Baptist_.--"There are + many of our ministers who have mastered the usual amount of + Greek required to complete their course at school but have found + little time since entering upon their ministerial labors to + "keep it up," and rust has so gathered upon their Greek that it + has become a labor to work it out without Grammar and Lexicon. + To all such and even to those who have accomplished but little + in the language, this INTERLINEARY translation will prove an + invaluable help. The CRITICAL FOOT-NOTES and Dictionary of Terms + at the close are fully worth the price of the work itself. I can + cordially commend it to every minister and Bible student as a + rigidly faithful translation of the New Testament, and for + several reasons the most valuable one that has yet been made." + + From THOMAS ARMITAGE, D.D., _Pastor of the Fifth Ave. Baptist + Church_.--"GENTLEMEN: I have examined with much care and great + interest the specimen sheets sent me of 'the Emphatic Diaglott.' + ... I believe that the book furnishes evidences of the purposed + faithfulness, more than usual scholarship, and remarkable + literary industry. It can not fail to be an important help to + those who wish to become better acquainted with the revealed + will of God. For these reasons I wish the enterprise of + publishing the work a great success." + + From the Rev. JAMES L. HODGE, _Pastor of the First Mariners' + Baptist Church, N. Y._--"I have examined these sheets which you + design to be a specimen of the work, and have to confess myself + much pleased with the arrangement and ability of Mr. Wilson.... + I can most cordially thank Mr. Wilson for his noble work, and + you, gentlemen, for your Christian enterprise in bringing the + work before the public. I believe the work will do good, and aid + the better understanding of the New Testament." + + From Prof. H. MATTISON, _Pastor of Trinity Meth. Church, Jersey + City, N. J._--... "The plan of the work is admirable, and the + presence of the Greek text and interlinear version gives every + scholar a fair chance to test the version for himself, verse by + verse and word for word. I can not but believe that the work + will be valuable acquisition to the Biblical literature of the + country." + + From A. A. LIVERMORE, D.D., _President of the Theological Sem., + Meadville, Pa._--... "I welcome all efforts intelligently made + to popularize the results of criticism, and wish that this + little volume might be possessed by every clergyman and student + of the Scriptures in the country." + + From Rev. C. LAREW, _Pastor of the Halsey St. Meth. Church, + Newark, N. J._--"'The Diaglott' has given me great pleasure. The + arrangement is a most excellent one, and the new version can not + fail to be of gratification and profit, especially to those + unacquainted with the original Greek. The translator has + certainly shown great genius in seizing upon the thought of the + original and a happy tact on presenting it." + + From Rev. G. F. WARREN, _Pastor of the Worthen St. Church, + Lowell, Mass._--... "Am highly gratified with the thorough + manner in which he (the author) has done his work. If I mistake + not this translation will receive a cordial welcome from the + Christian public. It is just what every Christian needs. I + congratulate myself and others that such a valuable auxiliary to + the study of the Word of God is placed in our hands." + +We give sample pages of the work that every one may form a correct +idea of the plan of publication. Sent by mail, post-paid, on receipt +of price. + +Address all orders to FOWLER & WELLS CO. Publishers, 753 BROADWAY, NEW +YORK. + + +GOOD HEALTH BOOKS. + +HEALTH IN THE HOUSEHOLD, + + Or, Hygienic Cookery. By Susanna W. Dodds, M.D. One large 12mo + volume, 600 pages, extra cloth or oil-cloth binding, price + $2.00. + + Undoubtedly the very best work on the preparation of food in a + healthful manner ever published, and one that should be in the + hands of all who would furnish their tables with food that is + wholesome and at the same time palatable, and will contribute + much toward Health in the Household. + +THE NATURAL CURE + + Of Consumption, Constipation, Bright's Disease, Neuralgia, + Rheumatism, "Colds" (Fevers), Etc. How Sickness Originates and + How to Prevent it. A Health Manual for the People. By C. E. + Page. 1 vol. 12mo. 278 pp., ex. cloth, $1.00. + + A new work with new ideas, both radical and reasonable, + appealing to the common-sense of the reader. This is not a new + work with old thoughts simply restated, but the most original + Health Manual published in many years. It is written in the + author's clear, attractive manner, and should be in the hands of + all who would either retain or regain their health, and keep + from the hands of the doctors. + +HOW TO FEED THE BABY, + + To Make Her Healthy and Happy. With Health Hints. By C. E. Page, + M.D. Fourth Edition, Revised and Enlarged. 12mo, paper, 50 + cents; extra cloth, 75 cts. + + Dr. Page has devoted much attention to the subject, both in this + country and in Europe, noting the condition of children, and + then making careful inquiries as to the feeding, care, etc., and + this work is a special record of experience with his own child. + In addition to answering the question _what_ to feed the baby, + this volume tells _how_ to feed the baby, which is of equal + importance. There are many who are now following the author's + teaching with good results. + +HOW TO BE WELL; + + Or, Common-Sense Medical Hygiene. A book for the people, giving + directions for the treatment and cure of acute diseases without + the use of drug medicines, also general hints on health. By M. + Augusta Fairchild, M.D. 12mo, cloth, $1.00. + + We have here a new work on Hygiene containing the results of the + author's experience for many years in the treatment of acute and + chronic diseases with Hygienic agencies, and it will save an + incalculable amount of pain and suffering, as well as doctors' + bills, in every family where its simple directions are followed. + +DIGESTION and DYSPEPSIA. + + A Complete Explanation of the Digestive Processes, with the + Symptoms and Treatment of Dyspepsia and other Disorders of the + Digestive Organs. Illustrated. By R. T. Trall, M.D. $1.00. + + The latest and best work on the subject. With fifty + illustrations; showing with all possible fullness every process + of digestion, and giving all the causes, and directions for + treatment of Dyspepsia. The author gives the summary of the data + which he collected during an extensive practice of more than + twenty-five years, largely with patients who were suffering from + diseases caused by Dyspepsia and an impaired Digestion. + +THE MOTHER'S HYGIENIC HANDBOOK, + + for the Normal Development and Training of Women and Children, + and the Treatment of their diseases with Hygienic agencies. By + the same author. $1.00. + + The great experience and ability of the author enabled him to + give just that advice which mothers need so often all through + their lives. It covers the whole ground, and, if it be carefully + read, will go far towards giving us an "ENLIGHTENED MOTHERHOOD." + The work should be read by every wife and every woman who + contemplates marriage. Mothers may place it in the hands of + their daughters with words of commendation, and feel assured + they will be the better prepared for the responsibilities and + duties of married life and motherhood. + +Sent by mail, post-paid, to any address on receipt of price. Agents +wanted. Address FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers. 753 Broadway, New +York. + + +THE WORKS OF NELSON SIZER. + +A Great Book for Young People + +"CHOICE OF PURSUITS; or, What to Do and Why," describing Seventy-five +Trades and Professions, and the Temperaments and Talents required for +each; with Portraits and Biographies of many successful Thinkers and +Workers By NELSON SIZER, Associate Editor of the "PHRENOLOGICAL +JOURNAL," Vice President of, and Teacher in, the "American Institute +of Phrenology," etc. 12mo, extra cloth. 508 pp. Price, $1.75. + + This work fills a place attempted by no other. Whoever has to + earn a living by labor of head or hand, can not afford to do + without it. + +NOTICES OF THE PRESS. + + "'CHOICE OF PURSUITS; or, What to do and Why' is a remarkable + book. The author has attained a deserved eminence as a + delineator of character. We have given it a careful reading and + feel warranted in saying that it is a book calculated to do a + vast deal of good."--_Boston Commonwealth._ + + "The title in startling, but it is indicative of the contents of + the book itself; the work is a desideratum."--_Inter-Ocean + (Chicago.)_ + + "It presents many judicious counsels. The main purpose of the + writer is to prevent mistakes in the choice of a profession. His + remarks on the different trades are often highly original. The + tendency of this volume is to increase the reader's respect for + human nature."--_New York Tribune._ + + "The design of this book is to indicate to every man his proper + work and to educate him for it"--_Albany Evening Journal._ + +A New Book for Parents and Teachers. + +"HOW TO TEACH ACCORDING TO TEMPERAMENT AND MENTAL DEVELOPMENT," or, +Phrenology in the School-room and the Family. + + With many Illustrations. 12mo, extra cloth, 351 pages. Price, + $1.50. + + One of the greatest difficulties in the training of children + arises from not understanding their temperament and disposition. + This work points out clearly the constitutious differences, and + how to make the most of each. + +NOTICES OF THE PRESS. + + "The purpose of this work is to aid parents and teachers to + understand the talents, dispositions, and temperaments of those + under their guidance. This opens a new field to the + consideration of the teacher. The text is attractive and a + valuable contribution to educational literature. It should be in + the library of every parent and teacher."--_New England Journal + of Education._ + + "This is an entirely new feature in a book intended for the use + of teachers, and must prove of great advantage to them. The text + is written in a manner which must attract every reader."--_The + Methodist._ + + "No teacher should neglect to read this well-written + contribution to the cause of education."--_Christian + Instructor._ + + "It abounds in valuable suggestions and counsels derived from + many years experience, which can not fail to be of service to + all who are engaged in the business of education. The subject is + treated in a plain, familiar manner, and adapted to reading in + the family as well as in the study of the teacher."--_New York + Tribune._ + + "There is a great deal of good sense in the work and all + teachers will be glad to welcome it."--_The Commonwealth_, + Boston. + +A NEW BOOK FOR EVERYBODY! + +FORTY YEARS IN PHRENOLOGY: Embracing Recollections of History, +Anecdote, and Experience. 12mo, extra cloth, 413 pages. Price, $1.50. + + In this work we have a most interesting record of the author's + recollections and experiences during more than forty years as a + Practical Phrenologist. The volume is filled with history, + anecdotes, and incidents, pathetic, witty, droll, and startling. + Every page sparkles with reality, and is packed with facts too + good to be lost. This book will be warmly welcomed by every + reader, from the boy of twelve to the sage of eighty years. + +THOUGHTS ON DOMESTIC LIFE; or, Marriage Vindicated and FREE LOVE +EXPOSED. 12mo. Paper, 25 cents. + + This work contains a sharp analysis of the social nature, in + some respects quite original. Sent by mail, post-paid, to any + address. Agents wanted. Address + + FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York. + + +THE HUMAN VOICE. + +ITS ANATOMY, PHYSIOLOGY, PATHOLOGY, THERAPEUTICS, AND TRAINING, WITH RULES +OF ORDER FOR LYCEUMS. + + BY R. T. TRALL, M.D. + + Paper, 50 Cents; Cloth, 75 Cents. + + The work comprises, in a clear, concise form, directions for + strengthening and improving the voice, overcoming constitutional + difficulties, and repairing the abnormal conditions in the + organs of articulation as far as they can be remedied. The work + contains many illustrations, with full directions for vocal + culture and how gestures may become graceful. It contains, for + practice, some of the most popular selections, including the + best from Dickens, Henry Clay, Pope, and Bancroft, with Poe's + "Raven" and the "Bells;" also, "Sheridan's Ride." The chapter + devoted to rules of order for public meetings constitutes a + CHAIRMAN'S GUIDE, and with a list of debatable subjects, would + be considered worth the price of the book by many young men and + members of debating societies. Let every young man--and woman, + too--prepare themselves for speaking in public when occasion may + demand it. + +NOTICES. + + All who desire to read and speak well, will find this book an + excellent guide.--_New England Journal of Education._ + + Any one who desires to improve his voice, should get a copy of + this new work. It is a safe guide for the use of all who aim to + become good readers and speakers.--_New York Weekly._ + + The work aims at a scientific and thorough treatment of the + subject.--_Daily Graphic._ + + This book supplies the greatest want of young persons entering + on their oratorical career.--_Rural New Yorker._ + + An excellent guide for those desiring to become good readers or + public speakers, for strengthening and improving the + voice.--_Publishers' Weekly._ + + A very useful treatise, practical in treatment, and popular in + form.--_Christian Intelligencer._ + + It will be an aid to teachers.--_National Teachers' Monthly._ + + It will be found a plain and intelligible guide in theory and + practice, to any who desire to improve or excel, and must rely + mainly on self-education.--_Christian Instructor, and West. + United Pres._ + + Agents wanted to sell this in High Schools, Colleges, etc. Sent + by mail, post-paid, on receipt of price. Address + + FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, + 753 Broadway, New York. + + +A Choice of Premiums. + +The Phrenological Chart. + + A handsome symbolical Head, made from new and special drawings + designed for the purpose. The pictorial illustrations show the + location of each of the phrenological organs and their natural + language. The Head is about twelve ins. wide, handsomely + lithographed in colors and on heavy plate paper 19 x 24 ins., + properly mounted, with rings for hanging or may be framed, and + will be very attractive wherever it is seen. Price: $1.00. Is + given to the new subscribers, or the Bust Premium. + + [Illustration] + +The Phrenological Bust. + + This Bust is made of Plaster of Paris, and so lettered as to + show the exact location of each of the Phrenological Organs. The + head is nearly life-size, and very ornamental, deserving a place + on the centre-table or mantel, in parlor, office or study. This, + with the illustrated key which accompanies each Bust, should be + in the hands of all who would know "HOW TO READ CHARACTER." + Price, $1.00, or given as a Premium to each new subscriber to + the JOURNAL or we will send the Chart Premium. + +THE PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL + +Is widely known in America and Europe, having been before the reading +world fifty years, and occupying a place in literature exclusively its +own, viz., the study of HUMAN NATURE in all its phases, including +Phrenology, Physiognomy, Ethnology, Physiology, etc., together with +the "SCIENCE OF HEALTH," and no expense will be spared to make it the +best publication for general circulation, tending always to make men +better physically, mentally, and morally. Parents and teachers should +read the JOURNAL, that they may better know how to govern and train +their children. Young people should read the JOURNAL, that they may +make the most of themselves. It has long met with the hearty approval +of the press and the people. + + _N. Y. Times_ says: "THE PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL proves that the + increasing years of a periodical is no reason for its lessening + its enterprise or for diminishing its abundance of interesting + matter. If all magazines increased in merit as steadily as THE + PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL, they would deserve in time to show equal + evidences of popularity." + + _Christian Union_ says: "It is well known as a popular + storehouse for useful thought. It teaches men to know themselves + and constantly presents matters of the highest interest to + intelligent readers, and has the advantage of having always been + not only up with the times, but a _little in advance_. Its + popularity shows the result of enterprise and brains." + +TERMS.--The JOURNAL is published monthly at $2.40 a year, or 20 cents +a Number. To each new subscriber is given either the BUST or CHART +Premium described above. When the Premiums are sent, 13 cents extra +must be received with each subscription to pay postage on the JOURNAL +and the expense of boxing and packing the Bust, which will be sent by +express, or No. 2, a smaller size, or the Chart Premium, will be sent +by mail, post-paid. + +Send amount to P. O. Orders, P. N., Drafts on New York, or in +Registered Letters. Postage-stamps will be received. AGENTS WANTED. +Send 10 cents for specimen Numbers, Premium List, Posters, etc. +Address + +FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York. + + +[Illustration] + +HEADS AND FACES: HOW TO STUDY THEM + +A Complete Manual of Phrenology and Physiognomy for the People. + + By PROF. NELSON SIZER, and H. S. DRAYTON, M.D. + + Fully illustrated. Octavo, extra cloth, $1.00; paper edition, 40 + cents. + +All claim to know something of _How to READ Character_, but very few +understand all the _Signs of Character_ as shown in the _Head and +Face_. The subject is one of great importance, and in this work the +authors, Prof. Nelson Sizer, the phrenological examiner at the rooms +of Fowler & Wells Co., and Dr. H. S. Drayton, the editor of the +_Phrenological Journal_, have considered it from a practical +standpoint, and the subject is so simplified as to be of great +interest and easily understood. + +The demand for standard publications of low price has increased +greatly with the tendency of many bookmakers to meet it. Popular +editions of the poets, historians, scientists have fallen in line with +the hundreds and thousands of cheap editions of the better classes of +novels; and now, in response to the often-expressed want of the +studious and curious, we have this voluminous yet very low-priced +treatise on "Heads and Faces" from the point of view of Phrenology, +Physiognomy, and Physiology. Although so low-priced, as we have noted +above, it is no flimsy, patched-up volume, but a careful, honest work, +replete with instruction, fresh in thought, suggestive and inspiring. +There are nearly two hundred illustrations, exhibiting a great variety +of faces, human and animal, and many other interesting features of the +much-sided subject that is considered. Taken at length it is one of +the most complete books on face-study that has been issued by its +publishers, and is a book that must create a demand wherever it is +seen. The style in which it has been produced, the excellent paper, +good presswork, numerous illustrations, and elegant, engaging cover, +make it a phenomenon even in this cheap book day. Sent by mail, +post-paid, on receipt of price, 40 cts. AGENTS WANTED. + +Address, FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York. + + +A NEW BOOK. + +HEALTH IN THE HOUSEHOLD; OR, HYGIENIC COOKERY. + + By SUSANNA W. DODDS, M.D. + + One large 12mo vol., 600 pp., extra cloth or oil-cloth. Price. + $2.00. + +The author of this work is specially qualified for her task, as she is +both a physician and a practical housekeeper. It is unquestionably the +best work written on the healthful preparation of food, and should be +in the hands of every housekeeper who wishes to prepare food +healthfully and palatably. The best way and the reason why are given. +It is complete in every department. To show something of what is +thought of this work we copy a few brief extracts from the many. + +NOTICES OF THE PRESS. + + "This work contains a great deal of excellent advice about + wholesome food and gives directions for preparing many dishes in + a way that will make luxuries for the palate out of many simple + productions of Nature which are now lost by a vicious + cookery."--_Home Journal._ + + "Another book on cookery, and one that appears to be fully the + equal in all respects and superior to many of its predecessors. + Simplicity is sought to be blended with science, economy with + all the enjoyments of the table, and health and happiness with + an ample household liberally. Every purse and every taste will + find in Mrs. Dodds' book, material within its means of grasp for + efficient kitchen administration."--_N. Y. Star._ + + "The book can not fail to be of great value in every household + to those who will intelligently appreciate the author's + stand-point. And there are but few who will not concede that it + would be a public benefit if our people generally would become + better informed as to the better mode of living than the author + intends."--_Scientific American._ + + "She evidently knows what she is writing about, and her book is + eminently practical upon every page. It is more than a book of + recipes for making soups, and pies, and cake; it is a educator + of how to make the home the abode of healthful people."--_The + Daily Inter-Ocean_, Chicago, Ill. + + "The book is a good one, and should be given a place in every + well-regulated _cuisine_."--_Indianapolis Journal._ + + "As a comprehensive work on the subject of healthful cookery, + there is no other in print which is superior, and which brings + the subject so clearly and squarely to the understanding of an + average housekeeper."--_Methodist Recorder._ + + "In this book Dr. Dodds deals with the whole subject + scientifically, and yet has made her instructions entirely + practical. This book will certainly prove useful, and if its + precepts could be universally followed, without doubt human life + would be considerably lengthened."--_Springfield Union._ + + "Here is a cook-book prepared by an educated lady physician. It + seems to be a very sensible addition to the voluminous + literature on this subject, which ordinarily has little + reference to the hygienic character of the preparations which + are described."--_Zion's Herald._ + + "This one seems to us to be most sensible and practical, while + yet based upon scientific principles--in short, the best. If it + were in every household, there would be far less misery in the + world."--_South and West._ + + "There is much good sense in the book, and there is plenty of + occasion for attacking the ordinary methods of cooking, as well + as the common style of diet."--_Morning Star._ + + "She sets forth the why and wherefore of cookery, and devotes + the larger portion of the work to those articles essential to + good blood, strong bodies, and vigorous minds."--_New Haven + Register._ + +The work will be sent to any address, by mail, post-paid, on receipt +of price, $2.00. AGENTS WANTED, to whom special terms will be given. +Send for terms. Address + +FOWLER & WELLS CO., Publishers, 753 Broadway, New York. + + +[Illustration] + +Names of the Faculties. + + 1. AMATIVENESS.--Connubial love, affection. + A. CONJUGAL LOVE.--Union for life, pairing instinct. + 2. PARENTAL LOVE.--Care of offspring, and all young. + 3. FRIENDSHIP.--Sociability, union of friends. + 4. INHABITIVENESS.--Love of home and country. + 5. CONTINUITY.--Application, consecutiveness. + A. VITATIVENESS.--Clinging to life, tenacity. + 6. COMBATIVENESS. Defense, courage. + 7. DESTRUCTIVENESS.--Executiveness. + 8. ALIMENTIVENESS.--Appetite for food, etc. + 9. ACQUISITIVENESS.--Frugality, economy. + 10. SECRETIVENESS.--Self-control, policy. + 11. CAUTIOUSNESS.--Guardedness, safety. + 12. APPROBATIVENESS.--Love of applause. + 13. SELF-ESTEEM.--Self-respect, dignity. + 14. FIRMNESS.--Stability, perseverance. + 15. CONSCIENTIOUSNESS.--Sense of right. + 16. HOPE.--Expectation, anticipation. + 17. SPIRITUALITY.--Intuition, prescience. + 18. VENERATION.--Worship, adoration. + 19. BENEVOLENCE.--Sympathy, kindness. + 20. CONSTRUCTIVENESS.--Ingenuity, tools. + 21. IDEALITY.--_Taste_, love of beauty, poetry. + B. SUBLIMITY.--Love of the grand, vast. + 22. IMITATION.--Copying, aptitude. + 23. MIRTH.--Fun, wit, ridicule, facetiousness. + 24. INDIVIDUALITY.--Observation, to see. + 25. FORM.--Memory, _shape_, looks, persons. + 26. SIZE.--Measurement of quantity. + 27. WEIGHT.--Control of motion, balancing. + 28. COLOR.--Discernment, and love of color. + 29. ORDER.--_Method_, system, going by _rule_. + 30. CALCULATION.--Mental arithmetic. + 31. LOCALITY.--Memory of place, position. + 32. EVENTUALITY.--Memory of facts, events. + 33. TIME.--Telling _when_, time of day, dates. + 34. TUNE.--Love of music, singing. + 35. LANGUAGE.--_Expression_ by words, acts. + 36. CAUSALITY.--_Planning_, thinking. + 37. COMPARISON.--Analysis, inferring. + C. HUMAN NATURE.--Sagacity. + D. SUAVITY.--_Pleasantness_, blandness. + +For complete definitions of all the organs of the BRAIN, and the +features of the FACE, see New Physiognomy by S. R. WELLS, with 1,000 +Illustrations. Price, post-paid, $5, $8, and $10, according to styles +of binding. + + +"EDUCATION COMPLETE." + +Education and Self-Improvement Complete.--Comprising +Physiology--Animal and Mental: Self-Culture and Perfection of +Character: including the Management of Youth: Memory and Intellectual +Improvement. Complete in one large, well-bound 12mo volume, with 855 +pp., and upward Seventy Engravings. Price, pre-paid, by mail. $3 + +This work is, in all respects, one of the best educational hand-books +in the English language. Any system of education that neglects the +training and developing all that goes to make up a MAN, must +necessarily be incomplete. The mind and body are so intimately related +and connected that it is impossible to cultivate the former without it +is properly supplemented by the latter. The work is subdivided into +three departments--the first devoted to the preservation and +restoration of health and the improvement of mentality; the second to +the regulation of the feelings and perfection of the moral character; +and the third, to the intellectual cultivation. "EDUCATION COMPLETE" +is a library in itself, and covers the ENTIRE NATURE OF MAN. We append +below a synopsis of the table of contents: + +HEALTH OF BODY AND POWER OF MIND. + + PHYSIOLOGY--ANIMAL AND MENTAL HEALTH--ITS LAWS AND PRESERVATION. + Happiness constitutional; Pain not necessary; Object of all + Education; Reciprocation existing between Body and Mind; Health + defined; Sickness--not providential. + + FOOD--ITS NECESSITY AND SELECTION.--Unperverted Appetite an + Infallible Directory; Different Diets Feed Different Powers; How + to Eat--or Mastication. Quantity, Time, etc.; How Appetite can + be Restrained; The Digestive Process; Exercise after Meals. + + CIRCULATION, RESPIRATION, PERSPIRATION, SLEEP.--The Heart, its + Structure and Office; The Circulatory System; The Lungs, their + Structure and Functions; Respiration, and its importance; + Perspiration; Prevention and Cure of Colds, and their + consequences; Regulation of Temperature by Fire and Clothing; + Sleep. + + THE BRAIN AND NERVOUS SYSTEM.--Position, Function, and Structure + of the Brain; Consciousness or the seat of the soul; Function of + the Nerves; How to seep the Nervous system in Health; The Remedy + of Diseases; Observance of the Laws of Health Effectual; The + Drink of Dyspeptics--its kind, times and quantity; Promotion of + Circulation; Consumption--its Prevention and Cure; Preventives + of Insanity, etc. + +SELF-CULTURE AND PERFECTION OF CHARACTER. + + CONSTITUENT ELEMENTS OR CONDITIONS OF PERFECTION OF + CHARACTER--Progression a Law of Things--its application to human + improvement; Human perfectibility,--the harmonious action of all + the faculties; Governing the propensities by the intellectual + and moral faculties. Proof that the organs can be enlarged and + diminished; The proper management of Youth, etc. + + ANALYSIS AND MEANS OF STRENGTHENING OF THE + FACULTIES.--Amativeness; Philoprogenitiveness; Adhesiveness; + Union for Life; Inhabitiveness; Continuity; Vitativeness; + Combativeness; Destructiveness, or Executiveness; + Alimentiveness; Aquativeness, or Bibativeness; Acquisitiveness; + Secretiveness; Cautiousness; Approbativeness; Self-Esteem; + Firmness. Conscientiousness; Hope; Spirituality--Marvelousness; + Veneration; Benevolence; Constructiveness; Ideality; Sublimity; + Initiation; Mirthfulness; Agreeableness--with engraved + illustrations. + +MEMORY AND INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT APPLIED TO SELF-EDUCATION. + + CLASSIFICATION AND FUNCTION OF THE FACULTIES.--Man's + superiority; Intellect his crowning endowment; How to strengthen + and improve the Memory; Definition, location, analysis, and + means of the strengthening the intellectual faculties. + INDIVIDUALITY. FORM. SIZE. WEIGHT. COLOR. ORDER. CALCULATION. + LOCALITY. EVENTUALITY. TIME. TUNE: Influence of Music. LANGUAGE: + Power of Eloquence & Good Language. PHONOGRAPHY: its advantages. + CAUSALITY: Teaching others to think; Astronomy; Anatomy and + Physiology; Study of Nature. COMPARISON: Inductive reasoning. + HUMAN NATURE: Adaptation. + + DEVELOPMENTS REQUIRING FOR PARTICULAR AVOCATIONS.--Good + Teachers; Clergymen; Physician; Lawyers; Statesmen; Editors; + Authors; Public Speakers; Poets; Lecturers; Merchants; + Mechanics; Artists; Painters; Farmers; Engineers; Landlords; + Printers; Milliners; Seamstresses; Fancy Workers, and the like. + + Full and explicit directions are given for the cultivation and + direction of all the powers of the mind, instruction for finding + the exact location of each organ, and its relative size compared + with others. + + +WORKS PUBLISHED BY FOWLER & WELLS CO., New York. + + +PHRENOLOGY AND PHYSIOGNOMY. + +PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL AND SCIENCE OF HEALTH--Devoted to Ethnology, +Physiology, Phrenology, Physiognomy, Psychology, Sociology, Biography, +Education, Literature, etc., with Measures to Reform, Elevate and +Improve Mankind Physically, Mentally and Spiritually. Monthly, $2.00 a +year; 20c. a number. Bound vols. $3.00 + +EXPRESSION: ITS ANATOMY AND PHILOSOPHY. Illustrated by Sir Charles +Bell. Additional Notes and Illustrations by SAMUEL R. WELLS. $1. + +EDUCATION OF THE FEELINGS AND AFFECTIONS. Charles Bray. Edited by +NELSON SIZER. Cloth, $1.50. + + This work gives full and definite directions for the + cultivation or restraining of all the faculties relating to the + feelings or affections. + +COMBE'S SYSTEM OF PHRENOLOGY; With 100 Engravings. $1.25. + +COMBE'S CONSTITUTION OF MAN; Considered in Relation to external +objects. With twenty engravings, and portrait of author. $1.25. + + The "Constitution of Man" is a work with which every teacher + and every pupil should be acquainted. + +COMBE'S LECTURES ON PHRENOLOGY; with Notes, an Essay on the +Phrenological Mode of Investigation, and an Historical Sketch, by +A. BOARDMAN, M.D. $1.25. + +COMBE'S MORAL PHILOSOPHY; or, the Duties of Man considered in his +Individual, Domestic, and Social Capacities. $1.25. + +HOW TO STUDY CHARACTER; OR, THE TRUE BASIS FOR THE SCIENCE OF MIND. +Including a Review of Bain's Criticism of Phrenology. By Thos. A. +Hyde. 50c.; clo. $1.00. + +NEW DESCRIPTIVE CHART, for the Use of examiners in the Delineation of +Character. By S. R. Wells. 25c. + +NEW PHYSIOGNOMY; OR SIGNS OF CHARACTER, as manifested through +Temperament and External Forms, and especially in the "Human Face +Divine." With more than One Thousand Illustrations. By Samuel R. +Wells. In one 12mo volume, 768 pages, muslin, $5.00; in heavy calf, +marbled edges, $8.00; Turkey morocco, full gilt, $10.00. + + "The treatise of Mr. Wells, which is admirably printed and + profusely illustrated, is probably the most complete hand-book + upon the subject in the language."--_N. Y. Tribune._ + +HOW TO READ CHARACTER.--A new illustrated Hand-book of Phrenology and +Physiognomy, for Students and Examiners, with a chart for recording +the sizes of the different Organs of the brain in the Delineation of +Character; with upward of 170 Engravings. By S. R. Wells. $1.25. + +WEDLOCK; OR, THE RIGHT RELATIONS OF THE SEXES. Disclosing the Laws of +Conjugal Selection, and showing Who May Marry. By S. R. Wells. $1.50; +gilt, $2.00. + +BRAIN AND MIND; or Mental Science Considered in Accordance with the +Principles of Phrenology and in Relation to Modern Physiology. H. S. +DRAYTON M.D., AND J. MCNEILL. $1.50. + + This is the latest and best work published. It constitutes a + complete text-book of Phrenology, is profusely illustrated, and + will adapted to the use of students. + +INDICATIONS OF CHARACTER, as manifested in the general shape of the +head and form of the face. H. S. DRAYTON, M.D. Illus. 25c. + +HOW TO STUDY PHRENOLOGY.--With Suggestions to Students, Lists of Best +Works, Constitutions for Societies, etc. 12mo, paper, 10c. + +CHOICE OF PURSUITS: OR, WHAT TO DO AND WHY. Describing Seventy-five +Trades and Professions, and the Temperaments and Talents required for +each. With Portraits and Biographies of many successful Thinkers and +Workers. By Nelson Sizer. $1.75. + +HOW TO TEACH ACCORDING TO TEMPERAMENT AND MENTAL DEVELOPMENT; or, +Phrenology in the Schoolroom and the Family. By Nelson Sizer. +Illustrated. $1.50. + +FORTY YEARS IN PHRENOLOGY.--Embracing Recollections of History, +Anecdotes and Experience. $1.50. + +THOUGHTS ON DOMESTIC LIFE; or, Marriage Vindicated and Free Love +Exposed. 25c. + +CATHECHISM OF PHRENOLOGY.--Illustrating the Principles of the Science +by means of Questions and Answers. Revised and enlarged by Nelson +Sizer. 50c. + +HEADS AND FACES: HOW TO STUDY THEM. A Complete Manual of Phrenology +and Physiognomy for the People. By Prof. Nelson Sizer and H. S. +Drayton, M.D. Nearly 200 octavo pages and 200 illustrations, price in +paper, 40c.; ex. clo. $1.00. + + All claim to know something of How to Read Character but very + few understand all the Signs of Character as shown in the Head + and Face. This is a study of which one never tires; it is + always fresh, for you have always new text books. The book is + really a great Album of Portraits, and will be found of + interest for the illustrations alone. + +MEMORY AND INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT, applied to Self-Education and +Juvenile Instruction. By O. S. FOWLER. $1.00. + + The best work on the subject. + +HEREDITARY DESCENT.--Its Laws and Facts applied to Human Improvement. +By O. S Fowler. Illustrated. $1.00. + +THE SCIENCE OF THE MIND APPLIED TO TEACHING: Including the Human +Temperaments and their influence upon the Mind; The Analysis of the +Mental Faculties and how to develop and train them; The Theory of +Education and of the School, and Normal Methods of teaching the common +English branches. By Prof. U. J. HOFFMAN. Profusely illustrated. +$1.50. + +REMINISCENCES OF DR. SPURZHEIM AND GEORGE COMBE and a Review of the +Science of Phrenology from the period of its discovery by Dr. GALI to +the time of the visit of GEORGE COMBE to the United States, with a +portrait of Dr. SPURZHEIM, by NAHEM CAPEN, LL.D. Ex. clo. $1.25. + +EDUCATION AND SELF-IMPROVEMENT COMPLETE: Comprising "Physiology, +Animal and Mental," "Self-culture and Perfection of Character," +"Memory and Intellectual Improvement." By O. S. FOWLER. One large vol. +Illus. $3.00. + +SELF-CULTURE AND PERFECTION OF CHARACTER; Including the Management of +Children and Youth. $1.00. + + One of the best of the author's works. + +PHYSIOLOGY, ANIMAL AND MENTAL: Applied to the Preservation and +Restoration of Health of Body and Power of Mind. $1.00. + +PHRENOLOGY PROVED, ILLUSTRATED AND APPLIED. Embracing an Analysis of +the Primary Mental Powers in their Various Degrees of Development, and +location of the Phrenological Organs. The Mental Phenomena produced by +their combined action, and the location of the faculties amply +illustrated. By the Fowler Brothers. $1.25. + +SELF-INSTRUCTOR IN PHRENOLOGY AND PHYSIOLOGY. With over One Hundred +Engravings and a Chart for Phrenologists, for the Recording of +Phrenological Development. By the Fowler Brothers. 75c. + +PHRENOLOGICAL MISCELLANY OF ILLUSTRATED ANNUALS OF PHRENOLOGY AND +PHYSIOGNOMY, from 1865 to 1873 combined in one volume containing over +400 illustrations, many portraits and biographies of distinguished +personages. $1.50 + +REDFIELD'S COMPARATIVE PHYSIOGNOMY; or resemblances Between Men and +Animals, Illustrated. $2.50 + +PHRENOLOGY AND THE SCRIPTURES.--Showing the Harmony between Phrenology +and the Bible. 15 cents. + +PHRENOLOGICAL CHART. A symbolical Head 12 inches across, Lithographed +in colors, on paper 19 x 24 inches, mounted for hanging on the wall, +or suitable for framing. $1.00 + +EDUCATION: ITS ELEMENTARY PRINCIPLES FOUNDED ON THE NATURE OF MAN. By +J. G. Spurzheim, $1.25 + +NATURAL LAWS OF MAN.--A Philosophical Catechism. Sixth Edition. +Enlarged and improved by J. G. Spurzheim, M.D. 50 cents. + +LECTURES ON MENTAL SCIENCE.--According to the philosophy of +Phrenology. Delivered before the Anthropological Society. By Rev. G. +S. Weaver. Illustrated. $1.00 + +PHRENOLOGICAL BUST.--Showing the latest classification and exact +location of the Organs of the Brain. It is divided so as to show each +individual Organ on one side; with all the groups Social, Executive, +Intellectual and Moral, classified on the other. Large size (not +mailable) $1. Small 50 cents. + + +WORKS ON MAGNETISM. + + There is an increasing interest in the facts relating to + Magnetism, etc., and we present below a list of Works on this + subject. + +LIBRARY OF MESMERISM AND PSYCHOLOGY.--Comprising the Philosophy of +Mesmerism, Clairvoyance, Mental Electricity.--FASCINATION, or the +Power of Charming. Illustrating the Principles of Life in connection +with Spirit and Matter.--THE MACROCOSM or the Universe Without, being +an unfolding of the plan of Creation and the Correspondence of +Truths.--THE PHILOSOPHY OF ELECTRICAL PSYCHOLOGY; the Doctrine of +impressions, including the connection between Mind and Matter, also, +the Treatment of Diseases.--PSYCHOLOGY or the Science of the Soul, +considered Physiologically and Philosophically; with an Appendix +containing Notes of Mesmeric and Psychical experience and +Illustrations of the Brain and Nervous System. $3.50. + +PHILOSOPHY OF MESMERISM.--By Dr. John Bovee Dods. 50 cents. + +PHILOSOPHY OF ELECTRICAL PSYCHOLOGY. A course of Twelve Lectures. +$1.00 + +PRACTICAL INSTRUCTIONS IN ANIMAL MAGNETISM. By J. P. F. Deleuze. +Translated by Thomas C. Hartshorn. New and Revised edition, with an +appendix of notes by the Translator and Letters from Eminent +Physicians and others. $2.00 + +HISTORY OF SALEM WITCHCRAFT.--A review of Charles W. Upham's great +Work from the _Edinburgh Review_, with Notes by Samuel R. Wells +containing also, The Planchette Mystery, Spiritualism, by Mrs. Harriet +Beecher Stowe, and Dr. Doddridge's Dream. $1.00 + +FASCINATION: OR, THE PHILOSOPHY OF CHARMING. Illustrating the +Principles of Life in connection with Spirit and Matter. By J. B. +Newman, M.D. $1.00 + +HOW TO MAGNETIZE, OR MAGNETISM AND CLAIRVOYANCE.--A Practical Treatise +on the Choice, Management and Capabilities of Subjects, with +Instructions on the Method of Procedure. By J. V. Wilson. 25c. + + +HEALTH BOOKS. + +_This List Comprises the Best Works on Hygiene, Health, Etc._ + +HEALTH IN THE HOUSEHOLD OR HYGIENIC COOKERY; by Susanna W. Dodds, M.D. +12mo. ex. clo. $2.00. + + A novice in housekeeping will not be puzzled by this admirable + book, it is so simple, systematic, practical and withal + productive of much household pleasure, not only by means of the + delicious food prepared from its recipes, but through the + saving of labor and care to the housewife. + +HOUSEHOLD REMEDIES.--For the prevalent Disorders of the Human +Organism, by Felix Oswald, M.D. 12mo. pp. 229 $1.00. + + The author of this work is one of the keenest and most critical + writers on medical subjects now before the public. He writes + soundly and practically. He is an enthusiastic apostle of the + gospel of hygiene. We predict that his book will win many + converts to the faith and prove a valuable aid to those who are + already of the faith but are asking for "more light." + + Among the special ailments herein considered are Consumption, + Asthma, Dyspepsia, Climatic Fevers, Enteric Disorders, Nervous + Maladies, Catarrh, Pleurisy, etc. + +THE TEMPERAMENTS, OR VARIETIES OF PHYSICAL CONSTITUTION IN MAN, +considered in their relation to Mental Character and Practical Affairs +of Life. With an Introduction by H. S. Drayton, A. M. Editor of the +PHRENOLOGICAL JOURNAL. 150 Portraits and other illustrations, by D. H. +Jacques, M.D. $1.50. + +HOW TO GROW HANDSOME, OR HINTS TOWARD PHYSICAL PERFECTION and the +Philosophy of Human Beauty, showing How to Acquire and Retain Bodily +Symmetry, Health and Vigor, secure long life and avoid the infirmities +and deformities of age. New Edition, $1.00. + +MEDICAL ELECTRICITY.--A Manual for Students, showing the most +Scientific and Rational Application to all forms of Diseases, of the +different combinations of Electricity, Galvanism, Electro-Magnetism. +Magneto-Electricity, and Human Magnetism, by W. White, M.D. $1.50. + +THE MAN WONDERFUL IN THE HOUSE BEAUTIFUL.--An allegory teaching the +Principles of Physiology and Hygiene, and the effects of Stimulants +and Narcotics, by Drs. C. B. and Mary A. Allen. $1.50. + + To all who enjoy studies pertaining to the human body this book + will prove a boon. The accomplished physician, the gentle + mother, the modest girl, and the wide-awake school-boy will + find pleasure in its perusal. It is wholly unlike any book + previously published on the subject, and is such a thorough + teacher that progressive parents cannot afford to do without + it. + +THE FAMILY PHYSICIAN.--A Ready Prescriber and Hygienic Advisor With +Reference to the Nature, Causes, Prevention and Treatment of Diseases, +Accidents and Casualties of every kind with a Glossary and copious +index. Illustrated with nearly three hundred engravings, by Joel Shaw, +M.D. $3. + +HOW TO FEED THE BABY TO MAKE HER HEALTHY AND HAPPY, by C. E. Page, M.D. +12mo. third edition, revised and enlarged. Paper, 50c. extra cloth. +75c. + + This is the most important work ever published on the subject + of infant dietetics. + +THE NATURAL CURE OF CONSUMPTION, Constipation, Bright's Disease, +Neuralgia, Rheumatism, Colds, Fevers, etc. How these Disorders +Originate and How to Prevent Them. By C. E. Page, M.D. cloth, $1.00 + +HORSES, THEIR FEED AND THEIR FEET. A Manual of Horse Hygiene. +Invaluable to the veteran or the novice, pointing out the true sources +of disease, and how to prevent and counteract them. By C. E. Page, +M.D. Paper 50c.; cloth 75c. + + This is the best book on the care of horses ever published, + worth many times its cost to every horse owner. + +THE MOVEMENT CURE.--The History and Philosophy, of this System of +Medical Treatment, with examples of Single Movements, The Principles +of Massage, and directions for their Use in various Forms of Chronic +Diseases. New edition by G. H. Taylor, M.D. $1.50. + +MASSAGE.--Giving the Principles and directions for its application in +all Forms of Chronic Diseases, by G. H. Taylor, M.D. $1.00 + +THE SCIENCE OF A NEW LIFE.--By John Cowan, M.D. Ex. clo. $3.00. + +TOBACCO: ITS PHYSICAL, INTELLECTUAL AND MORAL EFFECTS ON THE HUMAN +SYSTEM, by Dr. Alcott. New and revised edition with notes and +additions by N. Sizer. 25c. + +SOBER AND TEMPERATE LIFE.--The Discourses and Letters of Louis Corbaro +on a Sober and Temperate Life. 50c. + +SMOKING AND DRINKING. By James Parton. 50c.; cloth. 75c. + +FOOD AND DIET. With observations on the Dietetical Regimen, suited for +Disordered States of the Digestive Organs, by J. Pereira, M.D., F.R.S. +$1.50. + +PRINCIPLES APPLIED TO THE PRESERVATION OF HEALTH and the improvement +of Physical and Mental Education, by Andrew Combe, M.D. Illustrated, +cloth, $1.50. + +WATER CURE IN CHRONIC DISEASES. An Exposition of the Causes, Progress, +and Termination of various Chronic Diseases of the Digestive Organs, +Lungs, Nerves. Limbs and Skin, and of their Treatment by Water and +other hygienic Means. By J. M. Gully, M.D. $1.25. + +SCIENCE OF HUMAN LIFE. With a copious Index and Biographical Sketch of +the author, Sylvester Graham. Illustrated, $3.00. + +MANAGEMENT OF INFANCY, PHYSIOLOGICAL AND MORAL TREATMENT. With Notes +and a Supplementary Chapter. $1.25. + +DIET QUESTION.--Giving the Reason Why, from "Health in the Household." +by S. W. Dodds, M.D. 25c. + +HEALTH MISCELLANY.--An important collection of Health Papers. Nearly +100 octavo pages. 25c. + +HOW TO BE WELL, OR COMMON SENSE MEDICAL HYGIENE. A book for the +People, giving directions for the Treatment and Cure of Acute Diseases +without the use of Drug Medicines; also General Hints on Health. $1.00 + +FOREORDAINED.--A Story of Heredity and of Special Paternal Influences, +by an Observer. 12mo. pp. 90. Paper, 50c.; extra cloth, 75c. + +CONSUMPTION, its Prevention and Cure by the Movement Cure. 25c. + +NOTES ON BEAUTY, VIGOR AND DEVELOPMENT; or, How to Acquire Plumpness +of Form, Strength of Limb and Beauty of Complexion. Illustrated. 10c. + +TEA AND COFFEE.--Their Physical, Intellectual and Moral Effects on the +Human System, by Dr. Alcott. NEW and revised edition with notes and +additions by Nelson Sizer. 25c. + +ACCIDENTS AND EMERGENCIES, a guide containing Directions for the +Treatment in Bleeding, Cuts. Sprains, Ruptures, Dislocations. Burns +and Scalds. Bites of Mad Dogs. Choking, Poisons, Fits, Sunstrokes, +Drowning, etc., by Alfred Smee, with Notes and additions by R. T. +Trall, M.D. New and revised edition. 25c. + +SPECIAL LIST.--We have in addition to the above, Private Medical Works +and Treatises. This Special List will be sent on receipt of stamp. + + +WORKS ON HYGIENE BY R. T. TRALL, M.D. + +_These works may be considered standard from the reformatory hygienic +standpoint. Thousands of people owe their lives and good health to +their teaching._ + +HYDROPATHIC ENCYCLOPEDIA.--A System of Hydropathy and Hygiene. +Physiology of the Human Body; Dietetics and Hydropathic Cookery; +Theory and Practice of Water Treatment; Special Pathology and +Hydro-Therapeutics, including the Nature, Causes, Symptoms and +Treatment of all known diseases; Application of Hydropathy to +Midwifery and the Nursery with nearly One Thousand Pages including a +Glossary. 2 vols. in one $4. + +HYGIENIC HAND-BOOK.--Intended as a Practical Guide for the Sick-room. +Arranged alphabetically. $1.25. + +ILLUSTRATED FAMILY GYMNASIUM.--Containing the most improved methods of +applying Gymnastic, Callisthenic, Kinesipathic and Vocal Exercises to +the Development of the Bodily Organs, the invigoration of their +functions, the preservation of Health and the Cure of Diseases and +Deformities. $1.25. + +THE HYDROPATHIC COOK-BOOK, with Recipes for Cooking on Hygienic +Principles. Containing also a Philosophical Exposition of the +Relations of Food to Health, the Chemical Elements and Proximate +Constitution of Alimentary Principles; the Nutritive Properties of all +kinds of Aliments; the Relative value of Vegetable and Animal +Substances; the Selection and Preservation of Dietetic Material, etc. +$1.00. + +FRUITS AND FARINACEA: THE PROPER FOOD OF MAN.--Being an attempt to +prove by History, Anatomy, Physiology and Chemistry that the Original, +Natural and Best Diet of Man is derived from the Vegetable Kingdom. By +John Smith. With Notes by Trall. $1.25. + +DIGESTION AND DYSPEPSIA.--A Complete Explanation of the Physiology of +the Digestive Processes, with the Symptoms and Treatment of Dyspepsia +and other Disorders. Illustrated. $1.00. + +THE MOTHER'S HYGIENE HAND-BOOK for the Normal Development and Training +of Women and Children, and the Treatment of their Diseases. $1.00. + +POPULAR PHYSIOLOGY.--A Familiar Exposition of the Structures, +Functions and Relations of the Human System and the Preservation of +Health. $1.25. + +THE TRUE TEMPERANCE PLATFORM.--An Exposition of the Fallacy of +Alcoholic Medication. 50 cents. + +THE ALCOHOLIC CONTROVERSY.--A Review of the _Westminster Review_ on +the Physiological Errors of Teetotalism. 50 cents. + +THE HUMAN VOICE.--Its Anatomy, Physiology, Pathology, Therapeutics and +Training, with Rules of Order for Lyceums. 50 cents. + +THE TRUE HEALING ART: OR HYGIENIC _VS._ DRUG MEDICATION. An Address +delivered before the Smithsonian Institute, Washington. D. C. 25 cts.; +clo., 50 cents. + +WATER-CURE FOR THE MILLION.--The processes of Water Cure Explained. +Rules for Bathing, Dieting, Exercising, Recipes for Cooking, etc., +etc. Directions for Home Treatment. Paper. 15 cts. + +HYGEIAN HOME COOK-BOOK: OR HEALTHFUL AND PALATABLE FOOD WITHOUT +CONDIMENTS. 25 cts. clo., 50 cents. + +DISEASES OF THROAT AND LUNGS.--Including Diphtheria and its Proper +Treatment. 25 cents. + +THE BATH.--Its History and Uses in Health and Disease. 35c.; clo., +50c. + +A HEALTH CATECHISM.--Questions and Answers. With Illus. 10 c. + + +MISCELLANEOUS WORKS. + +HAND-BOOKS FOR HOME IMPROVEMENT (EDUCATIONAL); comprising, "How to +Write," "How to Talk," "How to Behave," and "How to do Business." One +12mo vol. $2.00. + +HOW TO WRITE.--A manual of Composition and Letter-Writing. 60c. + +HOW TO TALK.--A Pocket Manual of Conversation and Debate, more than +Five Hundred Common Mistakes in Speaking Corrected. 60c. + +HOW TO BEHAVE.--A Pocket Manual of Republican Etiquette and Guide to +Correct Personal Habits with Rules for Debating Societies and +Deliberative Assemblies. 60c. + +HOW TO DO BUSINESS.--A Manual of Practical Affairs and a Guide to +Success in Life, with a Collection of Legal and Commercial Forms. 60c. + +HOW TO READ.--What and Why; or Hints in Choosing the Best Books, with +a Classified List of Best Works in Biography, Criticism, Fine Arts, +History, Novels, Poetry, Science, Religion, Foreign Languages, etc. By +A. V. Petit. Cloth, 60c. + +HOW TO SING; or, the Voice and How to Use it. By William H. Daniell. +50c.; clo. 75c. + +HOW TO CONDUCT A PUBLIC MEETING; or the Chairman's Guide for +Conducting Meetings. 15c. + +HOPES AND HELPS FOR THE YOUNG OF BOTH SEXES.--Relating to the +Formation of Character, Choice of Avocation, Health, Amusement, Music, +Conversation, Social Affections, Courtship and Marriage, by Rev G. S. +Weaver. $1.00 + +AIMS AND AIDS FOR GIRLS AND YOUNG WOMEN, on the Various Duties of +Life. Including Physical, Intellectual and Moral Development, Dress, +Beauty, Fashion, Employment, Education, the Home Relations, their +Duties to Young Men, Marriage, Womanhood and Happiness, by the same +$1.00. + +WAYS OF LIFE, showing the Right Way and the Wrong Way Contrasting the +High Way and the Low Way; the True Way and the False Way; the Upward +Way and the Downward Way; the Way of Honor and of Dishonor, by Rev. G. +S. Weaver. 75c. + +THE CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD.--Embracing the Husband, Wife, Father, Mother, +Child, Brother and Sister, by Rev. G. S. Weaver. 75c. + +WEAVER'S WORKS FOR THE YOUNG, Comprising "Hopes and Helps for the +Young of Both Sexes," "Aims and Aids for Girls and Young Women," "Ways +of Life; or, the Right Way and the Wrong Way." One Vol. 12mo. $2.50 + +A NATURAL SYSTEM OF ELOCUTION AND ORATORY.--Founded on an analysis of +the Human Constitution, considered in its threefold Nature, Mental, +Physiological and Expressional. By THOS. A. HYDE and WM. HYDE. +Illustrated. $2.50. + +THE EMPHATIC DIAGLOTT, CONTAINING THE ORIGINAL GREEK TEXT OF THE NEW +TESTAMENT, with an interlineary Word-for-Word English Translation: a +New Emphatic Version based on the Interlineary Translation, on the +Readings of the Vatican Manuscript, by Benjamin Wilson. 884 pp. $4.00. +ex., $5.00. + +A BACHELOR'S TALKS ABOUT MARRIED LIFE AND THINGS ADJACENT, by Rev. +William Aikman, D.D. $1.50 + +LIFE AT HOME; or The Family and its members. Including Husbands and +Wives, Parents, Children, Brothers, Sisters, Employers and Employed. +The Altar in the House. By Dr. Aikman. $1.50. gilt. $2.00. + +A LUCKY WAIF.--A story for Mothers, of Home and School Life, by Ellen +E. Kenyon. 12mo. $1.00. + +ORATORY--SACRED AND SECULAR; or, the Extemporaneous Speaker, including +a Chairman's Guide for conducting Public Meetings according to the +best Parliamentary forms, by Wm. Pittenger. $1.00. + +THE CHILDREN OF THE BIBLE. By Fanny L. Armstrong, with an Introduction +by Frances E. Willard, Pres. N. W. C. T. U. clo. $1. + +THE TEMPERANCE REFORMATION.--Its History from the first Temperance +Society in the U. S. to the Adoption of the Maine Liquor Law. $1.00. + +AESOP'S FABLES.--With Seventy Splendid Illustrations. One vol. 12mo. +fancy cloth, gilt edges, $1.00 + +POPE'S ESSAY ON MAN, with illustrations and Notes by S. R. Wells, +tinted paper, clo. full gilt. $1.00. + +GEMS OF GOLDSMITH; "The Traveler," "The Deserted Village," "The +Hermit." With notes and Original Illustrations, and Biographical +Sketch of the great author. One vol., fancy cloth, full gilt. $1.00. + +THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT MARINER. In Seven Parts. By Samuel T. +Coleridge. With new illus. by Chapman, fancy clo., full gilt, $1.00 + +IMMORTALITY INHERENT IN NATURE. By Sumner Barlow, author of "The +Voices" and other poems, ex. cloth, full gilt. 60c. + +HOW TO PAINT.--A Complete Compendium of the Art. Designed for the use +of Tradesmen, Mechanics, Merchants and Farmers, and a Guide to the +Professional Painter. Containing a plain Common sense statement of the +Methods employed by Painters to produce satisfactory results in Plain +and Fancy Painting of every Description including Gilding, Bronzing, +Staining, Graining, Marbling. Varnishing, Polishing, Kalsomining, +Paper Hanging, Striping, Lettering, Copying and Ornamenting, with +Formulas for Mixing Paint in Oil or Water. Description of Various +Pigments used; tools required etc. $1.00. + +CARRIAGE PAINTER'S ILLUSTRATED MANUAL, containing a Treatise on the +Art, Science and Mystery of Coach, Carriage, and Car Painting. +Including the Improvements in Fine Gilding, Bronzing, Staining, +Varnishing, Polishing, Copying, Lettering, Scrolling, and Ornamenting. +By F. B. Gardner. $1.00. + +HOW TO KEEP A STORE; embodying the Experience of Thirty Years, in +Merchandizing. By S. H. Terry. $1.50. + +HOW TO RAISE FRUIT.--A Hand-book. Being a Guide to the Cultivation and +Management of Fruit Trees, and of Grapes and Small Fruits. With +Descriptions of the Best and Most Popular Varieties. Illustrated. By +Thomas Gregg. $1.00. + +HOW TO BE WEATHER-WISE.--A new View of our Weather System, by I. P. +Noyes. 25c. + +HOW TO LIVE.--Saving and Wasting; or, Domestic Economy Illustrated by +the Life of two Families of Opposite Character, Habits, and Practices, +Useful Lessons in Housekeeping and Hints How to Live, How to Have, and +How to be Happy including the Story of "A Dime a Day," by Solon +Robinson. $1.00. + +HOMES FOR ALL; OR THE GRAVEL WALL. A New Cheap and Superior Mode of +Building, adapted to Rich and Poor. Showing the Superiority of the +Gravel Concrete over Brick, Stone and Frame Houses; Manner of Making +and Depositing it. By O. S. Fowler. $1.00. + +THE MODEL POTATO.--Proper cultivation and mode of cooking. 30c. + +THREE VISITS TO AMERICA, by Emily Faithful. 400 pages. $1.50. + +A NEW THEORY OF THE ORIGIN OF SPECIES. By Benj. G. Farris. $1.50. + +MAN IN GENESIS AND IN GEOLOGY, or, the Biblical Account of Man's +Creation tested by Scientific Theories of his Origin and Antiquity, by +J. P. 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