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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/21782-h.zip b/21782-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..0db3e8c --- /dev/null +++ b/21782-h.zip diff --git a/21782-h/21782-h.htm b/21782-h/21782-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7882060 --- /dev/null +++ b/21782-h/21782-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1270 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Yillian Way, by Keith Laumer. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + p {margin-top: .75em; text-align: justify; margin-bottom: .75em; text-indent: 1.5em;} + p.noin {text-indent:0;} + h1,h2,h3 {text-align: center; clear: both;} + h2+p {text-indent:0;} + h3 {margin-top:0;} + hr {width: 45%; margin: 2em auto 2em auto; clear: both;} + body{margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .pagenum {position: absolute; left: 95%; font-size: smaller; text-align: right; text-indent:0;} + .bbox {border: solid 1px; padding:0.5em; margin-top:2em;} + .center {text-align: center;} + .figleft {float: left; clear: left; margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + ins.corr {text-decoration: none; border-bottom: thin dotted gray;} + // --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Yillian Way, by John Keith Laumer + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Yillian Way + +Author: John Keith Laumer + +Release Date: June 9, 2007 [EBook #21782] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE YILLIAN WAY *** + + + + +Produced by Robert Cicconetti, LN Yaddanapudi and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span></p> + +<h1>THE YILLIAN WAY<br /> + +<span style="font-size:smaller;">By KEITH LAUMER</span></h1> + +<p class="noin" style="font-weight: bold; margin-left: 400px;">The ceremonious protocol of the Yills was impressive, +colorful—and, in the long run, deadly!</p> + +<h2>I</h2> + +<p>Jame Retief, vice-consul and third secretary in the Diplomatic Corps, +followed the senior members of the terrestrial mission across the tarmac +and into the gloom of the reception building. The gray-skinned Yill +guide who had met the arriving embassy at the foot of the ramp hurried +away. The councillor, two first secretaries and the senior attaches +gathered around the ambassador, their ornate uniforms bright in the vast +dun-colored room.</p> + +<p>Ten minutes passed. Retief strolled across to the nearest door and +looked through the glass panel at the room beyond. Several dozen Yill +lounged in deep couches, sipping lavender drinks from slender glass +tubes. Black-tunicked servants moved about inconspicuously, offering +trays. A party of brightly-dressed Yill moved toward the entrance doors. +One of the party, a tall male, made to step before another, who raised a +hand languidly, fist clenched. The first Yill stepped back and placed +his hands on top of his head. Both Yill were smiling and chatting as +they passed through the doors.</p> + +<p>Retief turned away to rejoin the Terrestrial delegation waiting beside a +mound of crates made of rough greenish wood stacked on the bare concrete +floor.</p> + +<p>As Retief came up, Ambassador<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> Spradley glanced at his finger watch and +spoke to the man beside him.</p> + +<p>"Ben, are you quite certain our arrival time was made clear?"</p> + +<p>Second Secretary Magnan nodded emphatically. "I stressed the point, Mr. +Ambassador. I communicated with Mr. T'Cai-Cai just before the lighter +broke orbit, and I specifically——"</p> + +<p>"I hope you didn't appear truculent, Mr. Magnan," the ambassador said +sharply.</p> + +<p>"No indeed, Mr. Ambassador. I merely——"</p> + +<p>"You're sure there's no VIP room here?" The ambassador glanced around +the cavernous room. "Curious that not even chairs have been provided."</p> + +<p>"If you'd care to sit on one of these crates——"</p> + +<p>"Certainly not." The ambassador looked at his watch again and cleared +his throat.</p> + +<p>"I may as well make use of these few moments to outline our approach for +the more junior members of the staff; it's vital that the entire mission +work in harmony in the presentation of the image. We Terrestrials are a +kindly, peace-loving race." The ambassador smiled in a kindly, +peace-loving way.</p> + +<p>"We seek only a reasonable division of spheres of influence with the +Yill." He spread his hands, looking reasonable.</p> + +<p>"We are a people of high culture, ethical, sincere." The smile was +replaced abruptly by pursed lips.</p> + +<p>"We'll start by asking for the entire Sirenian System, and settle for +half. We'll establish a foothold on all the choicer worlds. And, with +shrewd handling, in a century we'll be in a position to assert a wider +claim."</p> + +<p>The ambassador glanced around. "If there are no questions——"</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="noin">Retief stepped forward. "It's my understanding, Mr. Ambassador, that we +hold the prior claim to the Sirenian System. Did I understand your +Excellency to say that we're ready to concede half of it to the Yill +without a struggle?"</p> + +<p>Ambassador Spradley looked up at Retief, blinking. The younger man +loomed over him. Beside him, Magnan cleared his throat in the silence.</p> + +<p>"Vice-Consul Retief merely means——"</p> + +<p>"I can interpret Mr. Retief's remark," the ambassador snapped. He +assumed a fatherly expression.</p> + +<p>"Young man, you're new to the Service. You haven't yet learned the team +play, the give-and-take of diplomacy. I shall expect you to observe +closely the work of the experienced negotiators of the mission. You must +learn the importance of subtlety."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Ambassador," Magnan said, "I think the reception<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span> committee is +arriving." He pointed. Half a dozen tall, short-necked Yill were +entering through a side door. The leading Yill hesitated as another +stepped in his path. He raised a fist, and the other moved aside, +touching the top of his head perfunctorily with both hands. The group +started across the room toward the Terrestrials. Retief watched as a +slender alien came forward and spoke passable Terran in a reedy voice.</p> + +<p>"I am P'Toi. Come this way...." He turned, and the group moved toward +the door, the ambassador leading. As he reached for the door, the +interpreter darted ahead and shouldered him aside. The other Yill +stopped, waiting.</p> + +<p>The ambassador almost glared, then remembered the image. He smiled and +beckoned the Yill ahead. They milled uncertainly, muttering in the +native tongue, then passed through the door.</p> + +<p>The Terran party followed.</p> + +<p>"—— give a great deal to know what they're saying," Retief overheard +as he came up.</p> + +<p>"Our interpreter has forged to the van," the ambassador said. "I can +only assume he'll appear when needed."</p> + +<p>"A pity we have to rely on a native interpreter," someone said.</p> + +<p>"Had I known we'd meet this rather uncouth reception," the ambassador +said stiffly, "I would have audited the language personally, of course, +during the voyage out."</p> + +<p>"Oh, no criticism intended, of course, Mr. Ambassador."</p> + +<p>"Heavens," Magnan put in. "Who would have thought——"</p> + +<p>Retief moved up behind the ambassador.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Ambassador," he said, "I——"</p> + +<p>"Later, young man," the ambassador snapped. He beckoned to the first +councillor, and the two moved off, heads together.</p> + +<p>Outside, a bluish sun gleamed in a dark sky. Retief watched his breath +form a frosty cloud in the chill air. A broad doughnut-wheeled vehicle +was drawn up to the platform. The Yill gestured the Terran party to the +gaping door at the rear, then stood back, waiting.</p> + +<p>Retief looked curiously at the gray-painted van. The legend written on +its side in alien symbols seemed to read "egg nog."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="noin">The ambassador entered the vehicle, the other Terrestrials following. It +was as bare of seats as the Terminal building. What appeared to be a +defunct electronic chassis lay in the center of the floor.</p> + +<p>Retief glanced back. The Yill were talking excitedly. None of them +entered the car. The door was closed, and the Terrans braced themselves +under the low roof as the engine started up with a whine of worn <ins class='corr' title="Transcriber's Note: The page image shows 'tubos'.">turbos</ins>.</p> + +<p>The van moved off.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span></p> + +<p>It was an uncomfortable ride. Retief put out an arm as the vehicle +rounded a corner, just catching the ambassador as he staggered, +off-balance. The ambassador glared at him, settled his heavy tri-corner +hat and stood stiffly until the car lurched again.</p> + +<p>Retief stooped, attempting to see out through the single dusty window. +They seemed to be in a wide street lined with low buildings.</p> + +<p>They passed through a massive gate, up a ramp, and stopped. The door +opened. Retief looked out at a blank gray facade, broken by tiny windows +at irregular intervals. A scarlet vehicle was drawn up ahead, the Yill +reception committee emerging from it. Through its wide windows Retief +saw rich upholstery and caught a glimpse of glasses clamped to a tiny +bar.</p> + +<p>P'Toi, the Yill interpreter, came forward, gestured to a small door. +Magnan opened it, waiting for the ambassador.</p> + +<p>As he stepped to it, a Yill thrust himself ahead and hesitated. +Ambassador Spradley drew himself up, glaring. Then he twisted his mouth +into a frozen smile and stepped aside.</p> + +<p>The Yill looked at each other then filed through the door.</p> + +<p>Retief was the last to enter. As he stepped inside, a black-clad servant +slipped past him, pulled the lid from a large box by the door and +dropped in a paper tray heaped with refuse. There were alien symbols in +flaking paint on the box. They seemed, Retief noticed, to spell "egg +nog."</p> + +<h2>II</h2> + +<p>The shrill pipes and whining reeds had been warming up for an hour when +Retief emerged from his cubicle and descended the stairs to the banquet +hall.</p> + +<p>Standing by the open doors, he lit a slender cigar and watched through +narrowed eyes as obsequious servants in black flitted along the low wide +corridor, carrying laden trays into the broad room, arranging settings +on a great four-sided table forming a hollow square that almost filled +the room. Rich brocades were spread across the center of the side +nearest the door, flanked by heavily decorated white cloths. Beyond, +plain white extended to the far side, where metal dishes were arranged +on the bare table top.</p> + +<p>A richly dressed Yill approached, stepped aside to allow a servant to +pass and entered the room.</p> + +<p>Retief turned at the sound of Terran voices behind him. The ambassador +came up, trailed by two diplomats. He glanced at Retief, adjusted his +ruff and looked into the banquet hall.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span>"Apparently we're to be kept waiting again," he muttered. "After having +been informed at the outset that the Yill have no intention of yielding +an inch, one almost wonders...."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Ambassador," Retief said. "Have you noticed——"</p> + +<p>"However," Ambassador Spradley said, eyeing Retief, "a seasoned +diplomatist must take these little snubs in stride. In the end—— Ah, +there, Magnan." He turned away, talking.</p> + +<p>Somewhere a gong clanged.</p> + +<p>In a moment, the corridor was filled with chattering Yill who moved past +the group of Terrestrials into the banquet hall. P'Toi, the Yill +interpreter, came up and raised a hand.</p> + +<p>"Waitt heere...."</p> + +<p>More Yill filed into the dining room to take their places. A pair of +helmeted guards approached, waving the Terrestrials back. An immense +gray-jowled Yill waddled to the doors and passed through, followed by +more guards.</p> + +<p>"The Chief of State," Retief heard Magnan say. "The Admirable +F'Kau-Kau-Kau."</p> + +<p>"I have yet to present my credentials," Ambassador Spradley said. "One +expects some latitude in the observances of protocol, but I confess...." +He wagged his head.</p> + +<p>The Yill interpreter spoke up.</p> + +<p>"You now whill lhie on yourr intesstinss, and creep to fesstive board +there." He pointed across the room.</p> + +<p>"Intestines?" Ambassador Spradley looked about wildly.</p> + +<p>"Mr. P'Toi means our stomachs, I wouldn't wonder," Magnan said. "He just +wants us to lie down and crawl to our seats, Mr. Ambassador."</p> + +<p>"What the devil are you grinning at, you idiot?" the ambassador snapped.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="noin">Magnan's face fell.</p> + +<p>Spradley glanced down at the medals across his paunch.</p> + +<p>"This is.... I've never...."</p> + +<p>"Homage to godss," the interpreter said.</p> + +<p>"Oh. Oh, religion," someone said.</p> + +<p>"Well, if it's a matter of religious beliefs...." The ambassador looked +dubiously around.</p> + +<p>"Golly, it's only a couple of hundred feet," Magnan offered.</p> + +<p>Retief stepped up to P'Toi.</p> + +<p>"His Excellency the Terrestrial Ambassador will not crawl," he said +clearly.</p> + +<p>"Here, young man! I said nothing——"</p> + +<p>"Not to crawl?" The interpreter wore an unreadable Yill expression.</p> + +<p>"It is against our religion," Retief said.</p> + +<p>"Againsst?"</p> + +<p>"We are votaries of the Snake Goddess," Retief said. "It is a sacrilege +to crawl." He brushed past the interpreter<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> and marched toward the +distant table.</p> + +<p>The others followed.</p> + +<p>Puffing, the ambassador came to Retief's side as they approached the +dozen empty stools on the far side of the square opposite the brocaded +position of the Admirable F'Kau-Kau-Kau.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Retief, kindly see me after this affair," he hissed. "In the +meantime, I hope you will restrain any further rash impulses. Let me +remind you <i>I</i> am chief of mission here."</p> + +<p>Magnan came up from behind.</p> + +<p>"Let me add my congratulations, Retief," he said. "That was fast +thinking——"</p> + +<p>"Are you out of your mind, Magnan?" the ambassador barked. "I am +extremely displeased!"</p> + +<p>"Why," Magnan stuttered, "I was speaking sarcastically, of course, Mr. +Ambassador. Didn't you notice the kind of shocked little gasp I gave +when he did it?"</p> + +<p>The Terrestrials took their places, Retief at the end. The table before +them was of bare green wood, with an array of shallow pewter dishes.</p> + +<p>Some of the Yill at the table were in plain gray, others in black. All +eyed them silently. There was a constant stir among them as one or +another rose and disappeared and others sat down. The pipes and reeds +were shrilling furiously, and the susurration of Yillian conversation +from the other tables rose ever higher in competition.</p> + +<p>A tall Yill in black was at the ambassador's side now. The nearby Yill +fell silent as he began ladling a whitish soup into the largest of the +bowls before the Terrestrial envoy. The interpreter hovered, watching.</p> + +<p>"That's quite enough," Ambassador Spradley said, as the bowl overflowed. +The Yill servant rolled his eyes, dribbled more of the soup into the +bowl.</p> + +<p>"Kindly serve the other members of my staff," the ambassador said. The +interpreter said something in a low voice. The servant moved hesitantly +to the next stool and ladled more soup.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="noin">Retief watched, listening to the whispers around him. The Yill at the +table were craning now to watch. The soup ladler was ladling rapidly, +rolling his eyes sideways. He came to Retief, reached out with the full +ladle for the bowl.</p> + +<p>"No," Retief said.</p> + +<p>The ladler hesitated.</p> + +<p>"None for me," Retief said.</p> + +<p>The interpreter came up and motioned to the servant, who reached again, +ladle brimming.</p> + +<p>"I ... DON'T ... LIKE ... IT!" Retief said, his voice distinct in the +sudden hush. He stared at the interpreter, who stared back, then waved +the servant away.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span>"Mr. Retief!" a voice hissed.</p> + +<p>Retief looked down at the table. The ambassador was leaning forward, +glaring at him, his face a mottled crimson.</p> + +<p>"I'm warning you, Mr. Retief," he said hoarsely. "I've eaten sheep's +eyes in the Sudan, ka swe in Burma, hundred-year <i>cug</i> on Mars and +everything else that has been placed before me in the course of my +diplomatic career. And, by the holy relics of Saint Ignatz, you'll do +the same!" He snatched up a spoon-like utensil and dipped it into his +bowl.</p> + +<p>"Don't eat that, Mr. Ambassador," Retief said.</p> + +<p>The ambassador stared, eyes wide. He opened his mouth, guided the spoon +toward it——</p> + +<p>Retief stood, gripped the table under its edge and heaved. The immense +wooden slab rose and tilted, dishes sliding. It crashed to the floor +with a ponderous slam.</p> + +<p>Whitish soup splattered across the terrazzo. A couple of odd bowls +rolled across the room. Cries rang out from the Yill, mingling with a +strangled yell from Ambassador Spradley.</p> + +<p>Retief walked past the wild-eyed members of the mission to the +sputtering chief. "Mr. Ambassador," he said. "I'd like——"</p> + +<p>"You'd like! I'll break you, you young hoodlum! Do you realize——"</p> + +<p>"Pleass...." The interpreter stood at Retief's side.</p> + +<p>"My apologies," Ambassador Spradley said, mopping his forehead. "My +profound apologies."</p> + +<p>"Be quiet," Retief said.</p> + +<p>"Wha—what?"</p> + +<p>"Don't apologize," Retief said. P'Toi was beckoning.</p> + +<p>"Pleasse, arll come."</p> + +<p>Retief turned and followed him.</p> + +<p>The portion of the table they were ushered to was covered with an +embroidered white cloth, set with thin porcelain dishes. The Yill +already seated there rose, amid babbling, and moved down the table. The +black-clad Yill at the end table closed ranks to fill the vacant seats. +Retief sat down and found Magnan at his side.</p> + +<p>"What's going on here?" the second secretary said angrily.</p> + +<p>"They were giving us dog food," Retief said. "I overheard a Yill. They +seated us at the bottom of the servants' table——"</p> + +<p>"You mean you know their language?"</p> + +<p>"I learned it on the way out. Enough, at least."</p> + +<p>The music burst out with a clangorous fanfare, and a throng of jugglers, +dancers and acrobats poured into the center of the hollow square, +frantically juggling, dancing and back-flipping. Black-clad servants +swarmed suddenly, heaping mounds of fragrant<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span> food on the plates of Yill +and Terrestrials alike, pouring a pale purple liquor into slender +glasses. Retief sampled the Yill food. It was delicious.</p> + +<p>Conversation was impossible in the din. He watched the gaudy display and +ate heartily.</p> + +<h2>III</h2> + +<p>Retief leaned back, grateful for the lull in the music. The last of the +dishes were whisked away, and more glasses filled. The exhausted +entertainers stopped to pick up the thick square coins the diners threw.</p> + +<p>Retief sighed. It had been a rare feast.</p> + +<p>"Retief," Magnan said in the comparative quiet, "what were you saying +about dog food as the music came up?"</p> + +<p>Retief looked at him. "Haven't you noticed the pattern, Mr. Magnan? The +series of deliberate affronts?"</p> + +<p>"Deliberate affronts! Just a minute, Retief. They're uncouth, yes, +crowding into doorways and that sort of thing...." He looked at Retief +uncertainly.</p> + +<p>"They herded us into a baggage warehouse at the terminal. Then they +hauled us here in a garbage truck——"</p> + +<p>"Garbage truck!"</p> + +<p>"Only symbolic, of course. They ushered us in the tradesman's entrance, +and assigned us cubicles in the servants' wing. Then we were seated +with the coolie class sweepers at the bottom of the table."</p> + +<p>"You must be.... I mean, we're the Terrestrial delegation! Surely these +Yill must realize our power."</p> + +<p>"Precisely, Mr. Magnan. But——"</p> + +<p>With a clang of cymbals the musicians launched a renewed assault. Six +tall, helmeted Yill sprang into the center of the floor and paired off +in a wild performance, half dance, half combat. Magnan pulled at +Retief's arm, his mouth moving.</p> + +<p>Retief shook his head. No one could talk against a Yill orchestra in +full cry. He sampled a bright red wine and watched the show.</p> + +<p>There was a flurry of action, and two of the dancers stumbled and +collapsed, their partner-opponents whirling away to pair off again, +describe the elaborate pre-combat ritual, and abruptly set to, dulled +sabres clashing—and two more Yill were down, stunned. It was a violent +dance.</p> + +<p>Retief watched, the drink forgotten.</p> + +<p>The last two Yill approached and retreated, whirled, bobbed and spun, +feinted and postured—and on the instant, clashed, straining +chest-to-chest—then broke apart, heavy weapons chopping, parrying, as +the music mounted to a frenzy.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span>Evenly matched, the two hacked, thrust, blow for blow, across the +floor, then back, defense forgotten, slugging it out.</p> + +<p>And then one was slipping, going down, helmet awry. The other, a giant, +muscular Yill, spun away, whirled in a mad skirl of pipes as coins +showered—then froze before a gaudy table, raised the sabre and slammed +it down in a resounding blow across the gay cloth before a lace and +bow-bedecked Yill in the same instant that the music stopped.</p> + +<p>In utter silence the dancer-fighter stared across the table at the +seated Yill.</p> + +<p>With a shout, the Yill leaped up, raised a clenched fist. The dancer +bowed his head, spread his hands on his helmet.</p> + +<p>Retief took a deep gulp of a pale yellow liqueur and leaned forward to +watch. The beribboned Yill waved a hand negligently, spilled a handful +of coins across the table and sat down.</p> + +<p>The challenger spun away in a screeching shrill of music. Retief caught +his eye for an instant as he passed.</p> + +<p>And then the dancer stood rigid before the brocaded table—and the music +stopped off short as the sabre slammed down before a heavy Yill in +ornate metallic coils. The challenged Yill rose and raised a fist. The +other ducked his head, put his hands on his helmet. Coins rolled. The +dancer moved on.</p> + +<p>Twice more the dancer struck the table in ritualistic challenge, +exchanged gestures, bent his neck and passed on. He circled the broad +floor, sabre twirling, arms darting in an intricate symbolism. The +orchestra blared shrilly, unmuffled now by the surf-roar of +conversation. The Yill, Retief noticed suddenly, were sitting silent, +watching. The dancer was closer now, and then he was before Retief, +poised, towering, sabre above his head.</p> + +<p>The music cut, and in the startling instantaneous silence, the heavy +sabre whipped over and down with an explosive concussion that set dishes +dancing on the table-top.</p> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 306px;"> +<img src="images/illus_016.png" width="306" height="500" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="noin">The Yill's eyes held on Retief's. In the silence, Magnan tittered +drunkenly. Retief pushed back his stool.</p> + +<p>"Steady, my boy," Ambassador Spradley called. Retief stood, the Yill +topping his six foot three by an inch. In a motion almost too quick to +follow, Retief reached for the sabre, twitched it from the Yill's grip, +swung it in a whistling cut. The Yill ducked, sprang back, snatched up a +sabre dropped by another dancer.</p> + +<p>"Someone stop the madman!" Spradley howled.</p> + +<p>Retief leaped across the table, sending fragile dishes spinning.</p> + +<p>The other danced back, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span> only then did the orchestra spring to life +with a screech and a mad tattoo of high-pitched drums.</p> + +<p>Making no attempt to following the weaving pattern of the Yill bolero, +Retief pressed the other, fending off vicious cuts with the blunt +weapon, chopping back relentlessly. Left hand on hip, Retief matched +blow for blow, driving the other back.</p> + +<p>Abruptly, the Yill abandoned the double role. Dancing forgotten, he +settled down in earnest, cutting, thrusting, parrying; and now the two +stood toe to toe, sabres clashing in a lightning exchange. The Yill gave +a step, two, then rallied, drove Retief back, back——</p> + +<p>And the Yill stumbled. His sabre clattered, and Retief dropped his point +as the other wavered past him and crashed to the floor.</p> + +<p>The orchestra fell silent in a descending wail of reeds. Retief drew a +deep breath and wiped his forehead.</p> + +<p>"Come back here, you young fool!" Spradley called hoarsely.</p> + +<p>Retief hefted the sabre, turned, eyed the brocade-draped table. He +started across the floor. The Yill sat as if paralyzed.</p> + +<p>"Retief, no!" Spradley yelped.</p> + +<p>Retief walked directly to the Admirable F'Kau-Kau-Kau, stopped, raised +the sabre.</p> + +<p>"Not the chief of state," someone in the Terrestrial mission groaned.</p> + +<p>Retief whipped the sabre down. The dull blade split the cloth and clove +the hardwood table. There was utter silence.</p> + +<p>The Admirable F'Kau-Kau-Kau rose, seven feet of obese gray Yill. Broad +face expressionless to any Terran eyes, he raised a fist like a +jewel-studded ham.</p> + +<p>Retief stood rigid for a long moment. Then, gracefully, he inclined his +head, placed his finger tips on his temples.</p> + +<p>Behind him, there was a clatter as Ambassador Spradley collapsed. Then +the Admirable F'Kau-Kau-Kau cried out and reached across the table to +embrace the Terrestrial, and the orchestra went mad.</p> + +<p>Gray hands helped Retief across the table, stools were pushed aside to +make room at F'Kau-Kau-Kau's side. Retief sat, took a tall flagon of +coal-black brandy pressed on him by his neighbor, clashed glasses with +The Admirable and drank.</p> + +<h2>IV</h2> + +<p>Retief turned at the touch on his shoulder.</p> + +<p>"The Ambassador wants to speak to you, Retief," Magnan said.</p> + +<p>Retief looked across to where Ambassador Spradley sat glowering behind +the plain tablecloth.</p> + +<p>"Under the circumstances,"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span> Retief said, "you'd better ask him to come +over here."</p> + +<p>"The ambassador?" Magnan's voice cracked.</p> + +<p>"Never mind the protocol," Retief said. "The situation is still +delicate." Magnan went away.</p> + +<p>"The feast ends," F'Kau-Kau-Kau said. "Now you and I, Retief, must +straddle the Council Stool."</p> + +<p>"I'll be honored, Admirable," Retief said. "I must inform my +colleagues."</p> + +<p>"Colleagues?" F'Kau-Kau-Kau said. "It is for chiefs to parley. Who shall +speak for a king while he yet has tongue for talk?"</p> + +<p>"The Yill way is wise," Retief said.</p> + +<p>F'Kau-Kau-Kau emptied a squat tumbler of pink beer. "I will treat with +you, Retief, as viceroy, since as you say your king is old and the space +between worlds is far. But there shall be no scheming underlings privy +to our dealings." He grinned a Yill grin. "Afterwards we shall carouse, +Retief. The Council Stool is hard and the waiting handmaidens +delectable. This makes for quick agreement."</p> + +<p>Retief smiled. "The king is wise."</p> + +<p>"Of course, a being prefers wenches of his own kind," F'Kau-Kau-Kau +said. He belched. "The Ministry of Culture has imported several +Terry—excuse me, Retief—Terrestrial joy-girls, said to be top-notch +specimens. At least they have very fat watchamacallits."</p> + +<p>"The king is most considerate," Retief said.</p> + +<p>"Let us to it then, Retief. I may hazard a fling with one of your +Terries, myself. I fancy an occasional perversion." F'Kau-Kau-Kau dug an +elbow into Retief's side and bellowed with laughter.</p> + +<p>Ambassador Spradley hurried to intercept Retief as he crossed to the +door at F'Kau-Kau-Kau's side.</p> + +<p>"Retief, kindly excuse yourself, I wish a word with you." His voice was +icy. Magnan stood behind him, goggling.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Ambassador, forgive my apparent rudeness," Retief said. "I don't +have time to explain now——"</p> + +<p>"Rudeness!" Spradley barked. "Don't have time, eh? Let me tell you——"</p> + +<p>"Lower your voice, Mr. Ambassador," Retief said.</p> + +<p>Spradley quivered, mouth open, speechless.</p> + +<p>"If you'll sit down and wait quietly," Retief said, "I think——"</p> + +<p>"<i>You</i> think!" Spradley spluttered.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="noin">"Silence!" Retief said. Spradley looked up at Retief's face. He stared +for a moment into Retief's gray eyes, closed his mouth and swallowed.</p> + +<p>"The Yill seem to have gotten the impression I'm in charge," Retief +said, "We'll have to keep it up."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span>"But—but—" Spradley stuttered. Then he straightened. "That is the last +straw," he whispered hoarsely. "<i>I</i> am the Terrestrial Ambassador +Extraordinary and Minister Plenipotentiary. Magnan has told me that +we've been studiedly insulted, repeatedly, since the moment of our +arrival. Kept waiting in baggage rooms, transported in refuse lorries, +herded about with servants, offered swill at table. Now I and my senior +staff, are left cooling our heels, without so much as an audience while +this—this multiple Kau person hobnobs with—with—"</p> + +<p>Spradley's voice broke. "I may have been a trifle hasty, Retief, in +attempting to restrain you. Blaspheming the native gods and dumping the +banquet table are rather extreme measures, but your resentment was +perhaps partially justified. I am prepared to be lenient with you." He +fixed a choleric eye on Retief.</p> + +<p>"I am walking out of this meeting, Mr. Retief. I'll take no more of +these deliberate personal——"</p> + +<p>"That's enough," Retief snapped. "You're keeping the king waiting. Get +back to your chair and sit there until I come back."</p> + +<p>Magnan found his voice. "What are you going to do, Retief?"</p> + +<p>"I'm going to handle the negotiation," Retief said. He handed Magnan his +empty glass. "Now go sit down and work on the Image."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="noin">At his desk in the VIP suite aboard the orbiting Corps vessel, +Ambassador Spradley pursed his lips and looked severely at Vice-Consul +Retief.</p> + +<p>"Further," he said, "you have displayed a complete lack of understanding +of Corps discipline, the respect due a senior agent, even the basic +courtesies. Your aggravated displays of temper, ill-timed outbursts of +violence and almost incredible arrogance in the assumption of authority +make your further retention as an officer-agent of the Diplomatic Corps +impossible. It will therefore be my unhappy duty to recommend your +immediate——"</p> + +<p>There was a muted buzz from the communicator. The ambassador cleared his +throat.</p> + +<p>"Well?"</p> + +<p>"A signal from Sector HQ, Mr. Ambassador," a voice said.</p> + +<p>"Well, read it," Spradley snapped. "Skip the preliminaries."</p> + +<p>"Congratulations on the unprecedented success of your mission. The +articles of agreement transmitted by you embody a most favorable +resolution of the difficult<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span> Sirenian situation, and will form the basis +of continued amicable relations between the Terrestrial States and the +Yill Empire. To you and your staff, full credit is due for a job well +done. Signed, Deputy Assistant Secretary——"</p> + +<p>Spradley cut off the voice impatiently.</p> + +<p>He shuffled papers, eyed Retief sharply.</p> + +<p>"Superficially, of course, an uninitiated observer might leap to the +conclusion that the—ah—results that were produced in spite of these +... ah ... irregularities justify the latter." The Ambassador smiled a +sad, wise smile. "This is far from the case," he said. "I——"</p> + +<p>The communicator burped softly.</p> + +<p>"Confound it!" Spradley muttered. "Yes?"</p> + +<p>"Mr. T'Cai-Cai has arrived," the voice said. "Shall I——"</p> + +<p>"Send him in at once." Spradley glanced at Retief. "Only a two-syllable +man, but I shall attempt to correct these false impressions, make some +amends...."</p> + +<p>The two Terrestrials waited silently until the Yill Protocol chief +tapped at the door.</p> + +<p>"I hope," the ambassador said, "that you will resist the impulse to take +advantage of your unusual position." He looked at the door. "Come in."</p> + +<p>T'Cai-Cai stepped into the room, glanced at Spradley, turned to greet +Retief in voluble Yill. He rounded the desk to the ambassador's chair, +motioned him from it and sat down.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="noin">"I have a surprise for you, Retief," he said, in Terran. "I myself have +made use of the teaching machine you so kindly lent us."</p> + +<p>"That's fine. T'Cai-Cai," Retief said. "I'm sure Mr. Spradley will be +interested in hearing what we have to say."</p> + +<p>"Never mind," the Yill said. "I am here only socially." He looked around +the room.</p> + +<p>"So plainly you decorate your chamber. But it has a certain austere +charm." He laughed a Yill laugh.</p> + +<p>"Oh, you are a strange breed, you Terrestrials. You surprised us all. +You know, one hears such outlandish stories. I tell you in confidence, +we had expected you to be overpushes."</p> + +<p>"Pushovers," Spradley said, tonelessly.</p> + +<p>"Such restraint! What pleasure you gave to those of us, like myself of +course, who appreciated your grasp of protocol. Such finesse! How subtly +you appeared to ignore each overture, while neatly avoiding actual +contamination. I can tell you, there were those who thought—poor +fools—that you had no grasp of etiquette. How gratified we were, we +professionals,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span> who could appreciate your virtuosity—when you placed +matters on a comfortable basis by spurning the cats'-meat. It was sheer +pleasure then, waiting, to see what form your compliment would take."</p> + +<p>The Yill offered orange cigars, stuffed one in his nostril.</p> + +<p>"I confess even I had not hoped that you would honor our Admirable so +signally. Oh, it is a pleasure to deal with fellow professionals, who +understand the meaning of protocol!"</p> + +<p>Ambassador Spradley made a choking sound.</p> + +<p>"This fellow has caught a chill," T'Cai-Cai said. He eyed Spradley +dubiously. "Step back, my man. I am highly susceptible.</p> + +<p>"There is one bit of business I shall take pleasure in attending to, my +dear Retief," T'Cai-Cai went on. He drew a large paper from his +reticule. "The Admirable is determined than none other than yourself +shall be accredited here. I have here my government's exequatur +confirming you as Terrestrial consul-general to Yill. We shall look +forward to your prompt return."</p> + +<p>Retief looked at Spradley.</p> + +<p>"I'm sure the Corps will agree," he said.</p> + +<p>"Then I shall be going," T'Cai-Cai said. He stood up. "Hurry back to us, +Retief. There is much that I would show you of Yill."</p> + +<p>"I'll hurry," Retief said and, with a Yill wink: "Together we shall see +many high and splendid things!"</p> + +<p class="center" style="font-weight:bold; font-size: larger;">END</p> + +<p style="margin-top:2em;">Coming in the March issue of If—</p> + +<p class="noin center">THE MADMAN FROM EARTH<br /> +by Keith Laumer<br /><br /> +TYBALT<br /> +by Stephen Barr<br /></p> + +<p class="noin center">A great new cover novelette by Poul Anderson—plus short stories, +Theodore Sturgeon's column, features, etc. On sale January 14th at all +newsstands.</p> + +<div class="bbox"> +<h3>Transcriber's Note and Errata</h3> + +<p class="noin">This e-text was produced from 'Worlds of If' January 1962. Extensive +research did not uncover any evidence that the U. S. copyright on this +publication was renewed.</p> + +<p class="noin">One instance of 'tubos' on page 10 has been corrected to 'turbos'.</p> + +<p class="noin">The illustration has been moved from page 16 to the appropriate place in +the text.</p></div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Yillian Way, by John Keith Laumer + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE YILLIAN WAY *** + +***** This file should be named 21782-h.htm or 21782-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/1/7/8/21782/ + +Produced by Robert Cicconetti, LN Yaddanapudi and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Yillian Way + +Author: John Keith Laumer + +Release Date: June 9, 2007 [EBook #21782] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE YILLIAN WAY *** + + + + +Produced by Robert Cicconetti, LN Yaddanapudi and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +THE YILLIAN WAY + +By KEITH LAUMER + + The ceremonious protocol of the Yills was impressive, + colorful--and, in the long run, deadly! + + +I + +Jame Retief, vice-consul and third secretary in the Diplomatic Corps, +followed the senior members of the terrestrial mission across the tarmac +and into the gloom of the reception building. The gray-skinned Yill +guide who had met the arriving embassy at the foot of the ramp hurried +away. The councillor, two first secretaries and the senior attaches +gathered around the ambassador, their ornate uniforms bright in the vast +dun-colored room. + +Ten minutes passed. Retief strolled across to the nearest door and +looked through the glass panel at the room beyond. Several dozen Yill +lounged in deep couches, sipping lavender drinks from slender glass +tubes. Black-tunicked servants moved about inconspicuously, offering +trays. A party of brightly-dressed Yill moved toward the entrance doors. +One of the party, a tall male, made to step before another, who raised a +hand languidly, fist clenched. The first Yill stepped back and placed +his hands on top of his head. Both Yill were smiling and chatting as +they passed through the doors. + +Retief turned away to rejoin the Terrestrial delegation waiting beside a +mound of crates made of rough greenish wood stacked on the bare concrete +floor. + +As Retief came up, Ambassador Spradley glanced at his finger watch and +spoke to the man beside him. + +"Ben, are you quite certain our arrival time was made clear?" + +Second Secretary Magnan nodded emphatically. "I stressed the point, Mr. +Ambassador. I communicated with Mr. T'Cai-Cai just before the lighter +broke orbit, and I specifically----" + +"I hope you didn't appear truculent, Mr. Magnan," the ambassador said +sharply. + +"No indeed, Mr. Ambassador. I merely----" + +"You're sure there's no VIP room here?" The ambassador glanced around +the cavernous room. "Curious that not even chairs have been provided." + +"If you'd care to sit on one of these crates----" + +"Certainly not." The ambassador looked at his watch again and cleared +his throat. + +"I may as well make use of these few moments to outline our approach for +the more junior members of the staff; it's vital that the entire mission +work in harmony in the presentation of the image. We Terrestrials are a +kindly, peace-loving race." The ambassador smiled in a kindly, +peace-loving way. + +"We seek only a reasonable division of spheres of influence with the +Yill." He spread his hands, looking reasonable. + +"We are a people of high culture, ethical, sincere." The smile was +replaced abruptly by pursed lips. + +"We'll start by asking for the entire Sirenian System, and settle for +half. We'll establish a foothold on all the choicer worlds. And, with +shrewd handling, in a century we'll be in a position to assert a wider +claim." + +The ambassador glanced around. "If there are no questions----" + + * * * * * + +Retief stepped forward. "It's my understanding, Mr. Ambassador, that we +hold the prior claim to the Sirenian System. Did I understand your +Excellency to say that we're ready to concede half of it to the Yill +without a struggle?" + +Ambassador Spradley looked up at Retief, blinking. The younger man +loomed over him. Beside him, Magnan cleared his throat in the silence. + +"Vice-Consul Retief merely means----" + +"I can interpret Mr. Retief's remark," the ambassador snapped. He +assumed a fatherly expression. + +"Young man, you're new to the Service. You haven't yet learned the team +play, the give-and-take of diplomacy. I shall expect you to observe +closely the work of the experienced negotiators of the mission. You must +learn the importance of subtlety." + +"Mr. Ambassador," Magnan said, "I think the reception committee is +arriving." He pointed. Half a dozen tall, short-necked Yill were +entering through a side door. The leading Yill hesitated as another +stepped in his path. He raised a fist, and the other moved aside, +touching the top of his head perfunctorily with both hands. The group +started across the room toward the Terrestrials. Retief watched as a +slender alien came forward and spoke passable Terran in a reedy voice. + +"I am P'Toi. Come this way...." He turned, and the group moved toward +the door, the ambassador leading. As he reached for the door, the +interpreter darted ahead and shouldered him aside. The other Yill +stopped, waiting. + +The ambassador almost glared, then remembered the image. He smiled and +beckoned the Yill ahead. They milled uncertainly, muttering in the +native tongue, then passed through the door. + +The Terran party followed. + +"---- give a great deal to know what they're saying," Retief overheard +as he came up. + +"Our interpreter has forged to the van," the ambassador said. "I can +only assume he'll appear when needed." + +"A pity we have to rely on a native interpreter," someone said. + +"Had I known we'd meet this rather uncouth reception," the ambassador +said stiffly, "I would have audited the language personally, of course, +during the voyage out." + +"Oh, no criticism intended, of course, Mr. Ambassador." + +"Heavens," Magnan put in. "Who would have thought----" + +Retief moved up behind the ambassador. + +"Mr. Ambassador," he said, "I----" + +"Later, young man," the ambassador snapped. He beckoned to the first +councillor, and the two moved off, heads together. + +Outside, a bluish sun gleamed in a dark sky. Retief watched his breath +form a frosty cloud in the chill air. A broad doughnut-wheeled vehicle +was drawn up to the platform. The Yill gestured the Terran party to the +gaping door at the rear, then stood back, waiting. + +Retief looked curiously at the gray-painted van. The legend written on +its side in alien symbols seemed to read "egg nog." + + * * * * * + +The ambassador entered the vehicle, the other Terrestrials following. It +was as bare of seats as the Terminal building. What appeared to be a +defunct electronic chassis lay in the center of the floor. + +Retief glanced back. The Yill were talking excitedly. None of them +entered the car. The door was closed, and the Terrans braced themselves +under the low roof as the engine started up with a whine of worn +turbos. + +The van moved off. + +It was an uncomfortable ride. Retief put out an arm as the vehicle +rounded a corner, just catching the ambassador as he staggered, +off-balance. The ambassador glared at him, settled his heavy tri-corner +hat and stood stiffly until the car lurched again. + +Retief stooped, attempting to see out through the single dusty window. +They seemed to be in a wide street lined with low buildings. + +They passed through a massive gate, up a ramp, and stopped. The door +opened. Retief looked out at a blank gray facade, broken by tiny windows +at irregular intervals. A scarlet vehicle was drawn up ahead, the Yill +reception committee emerging from it. Through its wide windows Retief +saw rich upholstery and caught a glimpse of glasses clamped to a tiny +bar. + +P'Toi, the Yill interpreter, came forward, gestured to a small door. +Magnan opened it, waiting for the ambassador. + +As he stepped to it, a Yill thrust himself ahead and hesitated. +Ambassador Spradley drew himself up, glaring. Then he twisted his mouth +into a frozen smile and stepped aside. + +The Yill looked at each other then filed through the door. + +Retief was the last to enter. As he stepped inside, a black-clad servant +slipped past him, pulled the lid from a large box by the door and +dropped in a paper tray heaped with refuse. There were alien symbols in +flaking paint on the box. They seemed, Retief noticed, to spell "egg +nog." + + +II + +The shrill pipes and whining reeds had been warming up for an hour when +Retief emerged from his cubicle and descended the stairs to the banquet +hall. + +Standing by the open doors, he lit a slender cigar and watched through +narrowed eyes as obsequious servants in black flitted along the low wide +corridor, carrying laden trays into the broad room, arranging settings +on a great four-sided table forming a hollow square that almost filled +the room. Rich brocades were spread across the center of the side +nearest the door, flanked by heavily decorated white cloths. Beyond, +plain white extended to the far side, where metal dishes were arranged +on the bare table top. + +A richly dressed Yill approached, stepped aside to allow a servant to +pass and entered the room. + +Retief turned at the sound of Terran voices behind him. The ambassador +came up, trailed by two diplomats. He glanced at Retief, adjusted his +ruff and looked into the banquet hall. + +"Apparently we're to be kept waiting again," he muttered. "After having +been informed at the outset that the Yill have no intention of yielding +an inch, one almost wonders...." + +"Mr. Ambassador," Retief said. "Have you noticed----" + +"However," Ambassador Spradley said, eyeing Retief, "a seasoned +diplomatist must take these little snubs in stride. In the end---- Ah, +there, Magnan." He turned away, talking. + +Somewhere a gong clanged. + +In a moment, the corridor was filled with chattering Yill who moved past +the group of Terrestrials into the banquet hall. P'Toi, the Yill +interpreter, came up and raised a hand. + +"Waitt heere...." + +More Yill filed into the dining room to take their places. A pair of +helmeted guards approached, waving the Terrestrials back. An immense +gray-jowled Yill waddled to the doors and passed through, followed by +more guards. + +"The Chief of State," Retief heard Magnan say. "The Admirable +F'Kau-Kau-Kau." + +"I have yet to present my credentials," Ambassador Spradley said. "One +expects some latitude in the observances of protocol, but I confess...." +He wagged his head. + +The Yill interpreter spoke up. + +"You now whill lhie on yourr intesstinss, and creep to fesstive board +there." He pointed across the room. + +"Intestines?" Ambassador Spradley looked about wildly. + +"Mr. P'Toi means our stomachs, I wouldn't wonder," Magnan said. "He just +wants us to lie down and crawl to our seats, Mr. Ambassador." + +"What the devil are you grinning at, you idiot?" the ambassador snapped. + + * * * * * + +Magnan's face fell. + +Spradley glanced down at the medals across his paunch. + +"This is.... I've never...." + +"Homage to godss," the interpreter said. + +"Oh. Oh, religion," someone said. + +"Well, if it's a matter of religious beliefs...." The ambassador looked +dubiously around. + +"Golly, it's only a couple of hundred feet," Magnan offered. + +Retief stepped up to P'Toi. + +"His Excellency the Terrestrial Ambassador will not crawl," he said +clearly. + +"Here, young man! I said nothing----" + +"Not to crawl?" The interpreter wore an unreadable Yill expression. + +"It is against our religion," Retief said. + +"Againsst?" + +"We are votaries of the Snake Goddess," Retief said. "It is a sacrilege +to crawl." He brushed past the interpreter and marched toward the +distant table. + +The others followed. + +Puffing, the ambassador came to Retief's side as they approached the +dozen empty stools on the far side of the square opposite the brocaded +position of the Admirable F'Kau-Kau-Kau. + +"Mr. Retief, kindly see me after this affair," he hissed. "In the +meantime, I hope you will restrain any further rash impulses. Let me +remind you _I_ am chief of mission here." + +Magnan came up from behind. + +"Let me add my congratulations, Retief," he said. "That was fast +thinking----" + +"Are you out of your mind, Magnan?" the ambassador barked. "I am +extremely displeased!" + +"Why," Magnan stuttered, "I was speaking sarcastically, of course, Mr. +Ambassador. Didn't you notice the kind of shocked little gasp I gave +when he did it?" + +The Terrestrials took their places, Retief at the end. The table before +them was of bare green wood, with an array of shallow pewter dishes. + +Some of the Yill at the table were in plain gray, others in black. All +eyed them silently. There was a constant stir among them as one or +another rose and disappeared and others sat down. The pipes and reeds +were shrilling furiously, and the susurration of Yillian conversation +from the other tables rose ever higher in competition. + +A tall Yill in black was at the ambassador's side now. The nearby Yill +fell silent as he began ladling a whitish soup into the largest of the +bowls before the Terrestrial envoy. The interpreter hovered, watching. + +"That's quite enough," Ambassador Spradley said, as the bowl overflowed. +The Yill servant rolled his eyes, dribbled more of the soup into the +bowl. + +"Kindly serve the other members of my staff," the ambassador said. The +interpreter said something in a low voice. The servant moved hesitantly +to the next stool and ladled more soup. + + * * * * * + +Retief watched, listening to the whispers around him. The Yill at the +table were craning now to watch. The soup ladler was ladling rapidly, +rolling his eyes sideways. He came to Retief, reached out with the full +ladle for the bowl. + +"No," Retief said. + +The ladler hesitated. + +"None for me," Retief said. + +The interpreter came up and motioned to the servant, who reached again, +ladle brimming. + +"I ... DON'T ... LIKE ... IT!" Retief said, his voice distinct in the +sudden hush. He stared at the interpreter, who stared back, then waved +the servant away. + +"Mr. Retief!" a voice hissed. + +Retief looked down at the table. The ambassador was leaning forward, +glaring at him, his face a mottled crimson. + +"I'm warning you, Mr. Retief," he said hoarsely. "I've eaten sheep's +eyes in the Sudan, ka swe in Burma, hundred-year _cug_ on Mars and +everything else that has been placed before me in the course of my +diplomatic career. And, by the holy relics of Saint Ignatz, you'll do +the same!" He snatched up a spoon-like utensil and dipped it into his +bowl. + +"Don't eat that, Mr. Ambassador," Retief said. + +The ambassador stared, eyes wide. He opened his mouth, guided the spoon +toward it---- + +Retief stood, gripped the table under its edge and heaved. The immense +wooden slab rose and tilted, dishes sliding. It crashed to the floor +with a ponderous slam. + +Whitish soup splattered across the terrazzo. A couple of odd bowls +rolled across the room. Cries rang out from the Yill, mingling with a +strangled yell from Ambassador Spradley. + +Retief walked past the wild-eyed members of the mission to the +sputtering chief. "Mr. Ambassador," he said. "I'd like----" + +"You'd like! I'll break you, you young hoodlum! Do you realize----" + +"Pleass...." The interpreter stood at Retief's side. + +"My apologies," Ambassador Spradley said, mopping his forehead. "My +profound apologies." + +"Be quiet," Retief said. + +"Wha--what?" + +"Don't apologize," Retief said. P'Toi was beckoning. + +"Pleasse, arll come." + +Retief turned and followed him. + +The portion of the table they were ushered to was covered with an +embroidered white cloth, set with thin porcelain dishes. The Yill +already seated there rose, amid babbling, and moved down the table. The +black-clad Yill at the end table closed ranks to fill the vacant seats. +Retief sat down and found Magnan at his side. + +"What's going on here?" the second secretary said angrily. + +"They were giving us dog food," Retief said. "I overheard a Yill. They +seated us at the bottom of the servants' table----" + +"You mean you know their language?" + +"I learned it on the way out. Enough, at least." + +The music burst out with a clangorous fanfare, and a throng of jugglers, +dancers and acrobats poured into the center of the hollow square, +frantically juggling, dancing and back-flipping. Black-clad servants +swarmed suddenly, heaping mounds of fragrant food on the plates of Yill +and Terrestrials alike, pouring a pale purple liquor into slender +glasses. Retief sampled the Yill food. It was delicious. + +Conversation was impossible in the din. He watched the gaudy display and +ate heartily. + + +III + +Retief leaned back, grateful for the lull in the music. The last of the +dishes were whisked away, and more glasses filled. The exhausted +entertainers stopped to pick up the thick square coins the diners threw. + +Retief sighed. It had been a rare feast. + +"Retief," Magnan said in the comparative quiet, "what were you saying +about dog food as the music came up?" + +Retief looked at him. "Haven't you noticed the pattern, Mr. Magnan? The +series of deliberate affronts?" + +"Deliberate affronts! Just a minute, Retief. They're uncouth, yes, +crowding into doorways and that sort of thing...." He looked at Retief +uncertainly. + +"They herded us into a baggage warehouse at the terminal. Then they +hauled us here in a garbage truck----" + +"Garbage truck!" + +"Only symbolic, of course. They ushered us in the tradesman's entrance, +and assigned us cubicles in the servants' wing. Then we were seated +with the coolie class sweepers at the bottom of the table." + +"You must be.... I mean, we're the Terrestrial delegation! Surely these +Yill must realize our power." + +"Precisely, Mr. Magnan. But----" + +With a clang of cymbals the musicians launched a renewed assault. Six +tall, helmeted Yill sprang into the center of the floor and paired off +in a wild performance, half dance, half combat. Magnan pulled at +Retief's arm, his mouth moving. + +Retief shook his head. No one could talk against a Yill orchestra in +full cry. He sampled a bright red wine and watched the show. + +There was a flurry of action, and two of the dancers stumbled and +collapsed, their partner-opponents whirling away to pair off again, +describe the elaborate pre-combat ritual, and abruptly set to, dulled +sabres clashing--and two more Yill were down, stunned. It was a violent +dance. + +Retief watched, the drink forgotten. + +The last two Yill approached and retreated, whirled, bobbed and spun, +feinted and postured--and on the instant, clashed, straining +chest-to-chest--then broke apart, heavy weapons chopping, parrying, as +the music mounted to a frenzy. + +[Illustration] + +Evenly matched, the two hacked, thrust, blow for blow, across the +floor, then back, defense forgotten, slugging it out. + +And then one was slipping, going down, helmet awry. The other, a giant, +muscular Yill, spun away, whirled in a mad skirl of pipes as coins +showered--then froze before a gaudy table, raised the sabre and slammed +it down in a resounding blow across the gay cloth before a lace and +bow-bedecked Yill in the same instant that the music stopped. + +In utter silence the dancer-fighter stared across the table at the +seated Yill. + +With a shout, the Yill leaped up, raised a clenched fist. The dancer +bowed his head, spread his hands on his helmet. + +Retief took a deep gulp of a pale yellow liqueur and leaned forward to +watch. The beribboned Yill waved a hand negligently, spilled a handful +of coins across the table and sat down. + +The challenger spun away in a screeching shrill of music. Retief caught +his eye for an instant as he passed. + +And then the dancer stood rigid before the brocaded table--and the music +stopped off short as the sabre slammed down before a heavy Yill in +ornate metallic coils. The challenged Yill rose and raised a fist. The +other ducked his head, put his hands on his helmet. Coins rolled. The +dancer moved on. + +Twice more the dancer struck the table in ritualistic challenge, +exchanged gestures, bent his neck and passed on. He circled the broad +floor, sabre twirling, arms darting in an intricate symbolism. The +orchestra blared shrilly, unmuffled now by the surf-roar of +conversation. The Yill, Retief noticed suddenly, were sitting silent, +watching. The dancer was closer now, and then he was before Retief, +poised, towering, sabre above his head. + +The music cut, and in the startling instantaneous silence, the heavy +sabre whipped over and down with an explosive concussion that set dishes +dancing on the table-top. + + * * * * * + +The Yill's eyes held on Retief's. In the silence, Magnan tittered +drunkenly. Retief pushed back his stool. + +"Steady, my boy," Ambassador Spradley called. Retief stood, the Yill +topping his six foot three by an inch. In a motion almost too quick to +follow, Retief reached for the sabre, twitched it from the Yill's grip, +swung it in a whistling cut. The Yill ducked, sprang back, snatched up a +sabre dropped by another dancer. + +"Someone stop the madman!" Spradley howled. + +Retief leaped across the table, sending fragile dishes spinning. + +The other danced back, and only then did the orchestra spring to life +with a screech and a mad tattoo of high-pitched drums. + +Making no attempt to following the weaving pattern of the Yill bolero, +Retief pressed the other, fending off vicious cuts with the blunt +weapon, chopping back relentlessly. Left hand on hip, Retief matched +blow for blow, driving the other back. + +Abruptly, the Yill abandoned the double role. Dancing forgotten, he +settled down in earnest, cutting, thrusting, parrying; and now the two +stood toe to toe, sabres clashing in a lightning exchange. The Yill gave +a step, two, then rallied, drove Retief back, back---- + +And the Yill stumbled. His sabre clattered, and Retief dropped his point +as the other wavered past him and crashed to the floor. + +The orchestra fell silent in a descending wail of reeds. Retief drew a +deep breath and wiped his forehead. + +"Come back here, you young fool!" Spradley called hoarsely. + +Retief hefted the sabre, turned, eyed the brocade-draped table. He +started across the floor. The Yill sat as if paralyzed. + +"Retief, no!" Spradley yelped. + +Retief walked directly to the Admirable F'Kau-Kau-Kau, stopped, raised +the sabre. + +"Not the chief of state," someone in the Terrestrial mission groaned. + +Retief whipped the sabre down. The dull blade split the cloth and clove +the hardwood table. There was utter silence. + +The Admirable F'Kau-Kau-Kau rose, seven feet of obese gray Yill. Broad +face expressionless to any Terran eyes, he raised a fist like a +jewel-studded ham. + +Retief stood rigid for a long moment. Then, gracefully, he inclined his +head, placed his finger tips on his temples. + +Behind him, there was a clatter as Ambassador Spradley collapsed. Then +the Admirable F'Kau-Kau-Kau cried out and reached across the table to +embrace the Terrestrial, and the orchestra went mad. + +Gray hands helped Retief across the table, stools were pushed aside to +make room at F'Kau-Kau-Kau's side. Retief sat, took a tall flagon of +coal-black brandy pressed on him by his neighbor, clashed glasses with +The Admirable and drank. + + +IV + +Retief turned at the touch on his shoulder. + +"The Ambassador wants to speak to you, Retief," Magnan said. + +Retief looked across to where Ambassador Spradley sat glowering behind +the plain tablecloth. + +"Under the circumstances," Retief said, "you'd better ask him to come +over here." + +"The ambassador?" Magnan's voice cracked. + +"Never mind the protocol," Retief said. "The situation is still +delicate." Magnan went away. + +"The feast ends," F'Kau-Kau-Kau said. "Now you and I, Retief, must +straddle the Council Stool." + +"I'll be honored, Admirable," Retief said. "I must inform my +colleagues." + +"Colleagues?" F'Kau-Kau-Kau said. "It is for chiefs to parley. Who shall +speak for a king while he yet has tongue for talk?" + +"The Yill way is wise," Retief said. + +F'Kau-Kau-Kau emptied a squat tumbler of pink beer. "I will treat with +you, Retief, as viceroy, since as you say your king is old and the space +between worlds is far. But there shall be no scheming underlings privy +to our dealings." He grinned a Yill grin. "Afterwards we shall carouse, +Retief. The Council Stool is hard and the waiting handmaidens +delectable. This makes for quick agreement." + +Retief smiled. "The king is wise." + +"Of course, a being prefers wenches of his own kind," F'Kau-Kau-Kau +said. He belched. "The Ministry of Culture has imported several +Terry--excuse me, Retief--Terrestrial joy-girls, said to be top-notch +specimens. At least they have very fat watchamacallits." + +"The king is most considerate," Retief said. + +"Let us to it then, Retief. I may hazard a fling with one of your +Terries, myself. I fancy an occasional perversion." F'Kau-Kau-Kau dug an +elbow into Retief's side and bellowed with laughter. + +Ambassador Spradley hurried to intercept Retief as he crossed to the +door at F'Kau-Kau-Kau's side. + +"Retief, kindly excuse yourself, I wish a word with you." His voice was +icy. Magnan stood behind him, goggling. + +"Mr. Ambassador, forgive my apparent rudeness," Retief said. "I don't +have time to explain now----" + +"Rudeness!" Spradley barked. "Don't have time, eh? Let me tell you----" + +"Lower your voice, Mr. Ambassador," Retief said. + +Spradley quivered, mouth open, speechless. + +"If you'll sit down and wait quietly," Retief said, "I think----" + +"_You_ think!" Spradley spluttered. + + * * * * * + +"Silence!" Retief said. Spradley looked up at Retief's face. He stared +for a moment into Retief's gray eyes, closed his mouth and swallowed. + +"The Yill seem to have gotten the impression I'm in charge," Retief +said, "We'll have to keep it up." + +"But--but--" Spradley stuttered. Then he straightened. "That is the last +straw," he whispered hoarsely. "_I_ am the Terrestrial Ambassador +Extraordinary and Minister Plenipotentiary. Magnan has told me that +we've been studiedly insulted, repeatedly, since the moment of our +arrival. Kept waiting in baggage rooms, transported in refuse lorries, +herded about with servants, offered swill at table. Now I and my senior +staff, are left cooling our heels, without so much as an audience while +this--this multiple Kau person hobnobs with--with--" + +Spradley's voice broke. "I may have been a trifle hasty, Retief, in +attempting to restrain you. Blaspheming the native gods and dumping the +banquet table are rather extreme measures, but your resentment was +perhaps partially justified. I am prepared to be lenient with you." He +fixed a choleric eye on Retief. + +"I am walking out of this meeting, Mr. Retief. I'll take no more of +these deliberate personal----" + +"That's enough," Retief snapped. "You're keeping the king waiting. Get +back to your chair and sit there until I come back." + +Magnan found his voice. "What are you going to do, Retief?" + +"I'm going to handle the negotiation," Retief said. He handed Magnan his +empty glass. "Now go sit down and work on the Image." + + * * * * * + +At his desk in the VIP suite aboard the orbiting Corps vessel, +Ambassador Spradley pursed his lips and looked severely at Vice-Consul +Retief. + +"Further," he said, "you have displayed a complete lack of understanding +of Corps discipline, the respect due a senior agent, even the basic +courtesies. Your aggravated displays of temper, ill-timed outbursts of +violence and almost incredible arrogance in the assumption of authority +make your further retention as an officer-agent of the Diplomatic Corps +impossible. It will therefore be my unhappy duty to recommend your +immediate----" + +There was a muted buzz from the communicator. The ambassador cleared his +throat. + +"Well?" + +"A signal from Sector HQ, Mr. Ambassador," a voice said. + +"Well, read it," Spradley snapped. "Skip the preliminaries." + +"Congratulations on the unprecedented success of your mission. The +articles of agreement transmitted by you embody a most favorable +resolution of the difficult Sirenian situation, and will form the basis +of continued amicable relations between the Terrestrial States and the +Yill Empire. To you and your staff, full credit is due for a job well +done. Signed, Deputy Assistant Secretary----" + +Spradley cut off the voice impatiently. + +He shuffled papers, eyed Retief sharply. + +"Superficially, of course, an uninitiated observer might leap to the +conclusion that the--ah--results that were produced in spite of these +... ah ... irregularities justify the latter." The Ambassador smiled a +sad, wise smile. "This is far from the case," he said. "I----" + +The communicator burped softly. + +"Confound it!" Spradley muttered. "Yes?" + +"Mr. T'Cai-Cai has arrived," the voice said. "Shall I----" + +"Send him in at once." Spradley glanced at Retief. "Only a two-syllable +man, but I shall attempt to correct these false impressions, make some +amends...." + +The two Terrestrials waited silently until the Yill Protocol chief +tapped at the door. + +"I hope," the ambassador said, "that you will resist the impulse to take +advantage of your unusual position." He looked at the door. "Come in." + +T'Cai-Cai stepped into the room, glanced at Spradley, turned to greet +Retief in voluble Yill. He rounded the desk to the ambassador's chair, +motioned him from it and sat down. + + * * * * * + +"I have a surprise for you, Retief," he said, in Terran. "I myself have +made use of the teaching machine you so kindly lent us." + +"That's fine. T'Cai-Cai," Retief said. "I'm sure Mr. Spradley will be +interested in hearing what we have to say." + +"Never mind," the Yill said. "I am here only socially." He looked around +the room. + +"So plainly you decorate your chamber. But it has a certain austere +charm." He laughed a Yill laugh. + +"Oh, you are a strange breed, you Terrestrials. You surprised us all. +You know, one hears such outlandish stories. I tell you in confidence, +we had expected you to be overpushes." + +"Pushovers," Spradley said, tonelessly. + +"Such restraint! What pleasure you gave to those of us, like myself of +course, who appreciated your grasp of protocol. Such finesse! How subtly +you appeared to ignore each overture, while neatly avoiding actual +contamination. I can tell you, there were those who thought--poor +fools--that you had no grasp of etiquette. How gratified we were, we +professionals, who could appreciate your virtuosity--when you placed +matters on a comfortable basis by spurning the cats'-meat. It was sheer +pleasure then, waiting, to see what form your compliment would take." + +The Yill offered orange cigars, stuffed one in his nostril. + +"I confess even I had not hoped that you would honor our Admirable so +signally. Oh, it is a pleasure to deal with fellow professionals, who +understand the meaning of protocol!" + +Ambassador Spradley made a choking sound. + +"This fellow has caught a chill," T'Cai-Cai said. He eyed Spradley +dubiously. "Step back, my man. I am highly susceptible. + +"There is one bit of business I shall take pleasure in attending to, my +dear Retief," T'Cai-Cai went on. He drew a large paper from his +reticule. "The Admirable is determined than none other than yourself +shall be accredited here. I have here my government's exequatur +confirming you as Terrestrial consul-general to Yill. We shall look +forward to your prompt return." + +Retief looked at Spradley. + +"I'm sure the Corps will agree," he said. + +"Then I shall be going," T'Cai-Cai said. He stood up. "Hurry back to us, +Retief. There is much that I would show you of Yill." + +"I'll hurry," Retief said and, with a Yill wink: "Together we shall see +many high and splendid things!" + + +END + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | Coming in the March issue of If-- | + | | + | THE MADMAN FROM EARTH | + | by Keith Laumer | + | | + | TYBALT | + | by Stephen Barr | + | | + | A great new cover novelette by Poul Anderson--plus short | + | stories, Theodore Sturgeon's column, features, etc. On sale | + | January 14th at all newsstands. | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | Transcriber's Note and Errata | + | | + | This e-text was produced from 'Worlds of If' January 1962. | + | Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S.| + | copyright on this publication was renewed. | + | | + | One instance of 'tubos' has been corrected to 'turbos'. | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Yillian Way, by John Keith Laumer + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE YILLIAN WAY *** + +***** This file should be named 21782.txt or 21782.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/1/7/8/21782/ + +Produced by Robert Cicconetti, LN Yaddanapudi and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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