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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/20379-8.txt b/20379-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7be4cc1 --- /dev/null +++ b/20379-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7523 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Narrative of Some of the Lord's Dealings +with George Müller, by George Müller + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Narrative of Some of the Lord's Dealings with George Müller + Written by Himself, First Part + +Author: George Müller + +Release Date: January 15, 2007 [EBook #20379] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DEALINGS WITH GEORGE MÜLLER *** + + + + +Produced by the Bookworm (bookworm.librivox AT gmail.com) + + + + + +A NARRATIVE OF SOME OF THE LORD'S DEALINGS WITH GEORGE MÜLLER + +WRITTEN BY HIMSELF + +FIRST PART + +NINTH EDITION + +J. NISBET & CO., BERNERS STREET, LONDON. + +TO BE ALSO HAD IN BRISTOL, + +AT THE BIBLE AND TRACT WAREHOUSE OF THE SCRIPTURAL KNOWLEDGE +INSTITUTION FOR HOME AND ABROAD, No. 78 PARK STREET, AND THROUGH +ALL BOOKSELLERS. + +1865 + + +[Entered at Stationers' Hall.] + +LONDON: +DRYDEN PRESS: J. DAVY AND SONS, 137, LONG ACRE. + + +PREFACE + +TO THE + +FIRST EDITION OF THE FIRST PART. + +It was only after the consideration of many months, and after much +self-examination as to my motives, and after much earnest +prayer, that I came to the conclusion to write this little +work. I have not taken one single step in the Lord's service, +concerning which I have prayed so much. My great dislike +to increasing the number of religious books would, in +itself, have been sufficient to have kept me for ever from it, had I not +cherished the hope of being instrumental in this way to lead some of my +brethren to value the Holy Scriptures more, and to judge by the standard +of the word of God the principles on which they act. But that which +weighed more with me than any thing was, that I have reason to believe +from what I have seen among the children of God, that many of their trials +arise, either from want of confidence in the Lord as it regards temporal +things, or from carrying on their business in an unscriptural way. On +account, therefore, of the remarkable way in which the Lord has dealt with +me in temporal things, within the last ten years, I feel that I am a +debtor to the Church of Christ, and that I ought, for the benefit of my +poorer brethren especially, to make known, as much as I can, the way in +which I have been led. In addition to this, I know it to be a fact, that +to many souls the Lord has blessed what I have told them about the way in +which He has led me, and therefore it seemed to me a duty to use such +means, whereby others also, with whom I could not possibly converse, might +be benefited. That which at last, on May 6, 1836, induced me finally to +determine to write this Narrative was, that, if the Lord should permit the +book to sell, I might, by the profits arising from the sale, be enabled in +a greater degree to help the poor brethren and sisters among whom I +labour, a matter which just at that time weighed much on my mind. I +therefore at last began to write. But after three days I was obliged to +lay the work again aside, on account of my other pressing engagements. On +May 15th I was laid aside on account of an abscess and now being unable, +for many weeks, to walk about as usual, though able to work at home, I had +time for writing. When the manuscript was nearly completed, I gave it to a +brother to look it over, that I might have his judgment; and the Lord so +refreshed his spirit through it, that he offered to advance the means for +having it printed, with the understanding that if the book should not +sell, he would never consider me his debtor. By this offer not a small +obstacle was removed, as I have no means of my own to defray the expense +of printing. These two last circumstances, connected with many other +points, confirmed me that I had not been mistaken, when I came to the +conclusion that it was the will of God, that I should serve His church in +this way. + +The fact of my being a foreigner, and therefore but very imperfectly +acquainted with the English language, I judged to be no sufficient reason +for keeping me from writing. The Christian reader being acquainted with +this fact, will candidly excuse any inaccuracy of expression. + +For the poor among the brethren this Narrative is especially intended, +and to their prayers I commend it in particular. + +GEORGE MÜLLER. + +Bristol, July 5, 1837. + + + +EXTRACT FROM THE PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION OF THE FIRST +PART + +As to this second edition I would mention, that, while in substance +it is the same as the first, yet, on account of my increased +acquaintance with the English language, many verbal alterations +have been made; also several alterations have been made on account +of the increased light which the Lord has been pleased to grant +me since July, 1937; a few paragraphs have been entirely left out, +and a few new paragraphs have been added. + +GEORGE MÜLLER. + +Bristol, October 28, 1840. + + + +EXTRACT FROM THE PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION OF THE FIRST PART + +As the second edition of four thousand copies is exhausted, and +as the Lord condescends to bless this Narrative more and more, +both to believers and unbelievers, it has appeared to me a debt +which I owe to the church of God to publish this third edition. +Several new paragraphs of considerable length have been +introduced. + +GEORGE MÜLLER. + +Bristol, June 17, 1845. + + + +PREFACE TO THE EIGHTH EDITION OF THE FIRST PART + +The Seventh edition of eight thousand copies is also exhausted, +and the Lord condescends to bless yet more and more this Narrative, +both to the the conversion of unbelievers, and to the edification of +His own children. On this account I feel it my duty, as well as my +privilege, to send forth this new edition, in which scarcely any +alterations have been made. + +GEORGE MÜLLER. + +Bristol, December, 1881. + + + +PREFACE TO THE NINTH EDITION + +The reason which led me to the publication of the Eighth edition +of this Narrative, has influenced me also to publish this Ninth +edition. + +GEORGE MÜLLER. + +Bristol, March, 1895. + + + +A + +NARRATIVE, + +&c. &c. + +I was born at Kroppenstaedt, near Halberstadt, in the kingdom of Prussia, +on September 27th, 1805. In January 1810 my parents removed to +Heimersleben, about four miles from Kroppenstaedt, where my father was +appointed collector in the excise. As a warning to parents I mention, that +my father preferred me to my brother, which was very injurious to both of +us. To me, as tending to produce in my mind a feeling of self-elevation; +and to my brother, by creating in him a dislike both towards my father and +me. + +My father, who educated his children on worldly principles, gave us much +money, considering our age; not in order that we might spend it, but, as +he said, to accustom us to possess money without spending it. The result +was, that it led me and my brother into many sins. For I repeatedly spent +a part of the money in a childish way, and afterwards, when my father +looked over my little treasure, I sought to deceive him in making up the +accounts, either by not putting down all the money which he had given me, +or by professing to have more money in hand than was the case, and +counting it out accordingly before him. Now, though this deceit was found +out at last, and I was punished, yet I remained the same. For before I was +ten years old I repeatedly took of the government money which was +intrusted to my father, and which he had to make up; till one day, as he +had repeatedly missed money, he detected my theft, by depositing a counted +sum in the room where I was, and leaving me to myself for a while. Being +thus left alone, I took some of the money, and hid it under my foot in my +shoe. When my father, after his return, had counted and missed the money, +I was searched and my theft detected. + +Though I was punished on this and other occasions, yet I do not remember +that at any time, when my sins were found out, it made any other +impression upon me than to make me think how I might do the thing the next +time more cleverly, so as not to be detected. Hence it came, that this was +not the last time that I was guilty of stealing. + +When I was between ten and eleven years of age, I was sent to +Halberstadt, to the cathedral classical school, there to be prepared for +the university; for my father's desire was, that I should become a +clergyman: not, indeed, that thus I might serve God, but that I might have +a comfortable living. My time was now spent in studying, reading novels, +and indulging, though so young, in sinful practices. Thus it continued +till I was fourteen years old, when my mother was suddenly removed. The +night she was dying, I, not knowing of her illness, was playing at cards +till two in the morning, and on the next day, being the Lord's day, I went +with some of my companions in sin to a tavern, and then we went about the +streets, half intoxicated. + +The following day I attended, for the first time, the religious +instruction, which I was to receive previous to my confirmation. This +likewise was attended to in a careless manner; and when I returned to my +lodgings, my father had arrived to fetch my brother and me home to our +mother's funeral. This bereavement made no lasting impression on my mind. +I grew worse and worse. Three or four days before I was confirmed, (and +thus admitted to partake of the Lord's supper,) I was guilty of gross +immorality; and the very day before my confirmation, when I was in the +vestry with the clergyman to confess my sins, (according to the usual +practice,) after a formal manner, I defrauded him; for I handed over to +him only the twelfth part of the fee which my father had given me for him. + +In this state of heart, without prayer, without true repentance, without +faith, without knowledge of the plan of salvation, I was confirmed, and +took the Lord's supper, on the Sunday after Easter 1820. Yet I was not +without some feeling about the solemnity of the thing, and I stayed at +home in the afternoon and evening, whilst the other boys and girls, who +had been confirmed with me, walked about in the fields I also made +resolutions to turn from those vices in which I was living, and to study +more. But as I had no regard to God, and attempted the thing in my own +strength, all soon came to nothing, and I still grew worse. + +Six weeks after my confirmation I went for a fortnight to Brunswick, to a +sister of my father, where I became attached to a young female, who was a +Roman catholic. My time till Midsummer 1821 was spent partly in study, but +in a great degree in playing the piano-forte and guitar, reading novels, +frequenting taverns, forming resolutions to become different, yet breaking +them almost as fast as they were made. My money was often spent on my +sinful pleasures, through which I was now and then brought into trouble, +so that once, to satisfy my hunger, I stole a piece of coarse bread, the +allowance of a soldier who was quartered in the house where I lodged. What +a bitter, bitter thing is the service of Satan, even in this world!! + +At Midsummer 1821 my father obtained an appointment at Schoenebeck, near +Magdeburg, and I embraced the opportunity of entreating him to remove me +to the cathedral classical school of Magdeburg; for I thought, that, if I +could but leave my companions in sin, and get out, of certain snares, and +be placed under other tutors, I should then live a different life. But as +my dependence in this matter also was not upon God, I fell into a still +worse state. My father consented, and I was allowed to leave Halberstadt, +and to stay at Heimersleben till Michaelmas. During that time I +superintended, according to my father's wish, certain alterations, which +were to be made in his house there, for the sake of letting it profitably. +Being thus quite my own master, I grew still more idle, and lived as much +as before in all sorts of sin. + +When Michaelmas came, I persuaded my father to leave me at Heimersleben +till Easter, and to let me read the classics with a clergyman living in +the same place. As Dr. Nagel was a very learned man, and also in the habit +of having pupils under his care, and a friend of my father, my request was +granted. I was now living on the premises belonging to my father, under +little real control, and intrusted with a considerable sum of money, which +I had to collect for my father, from persons who owed it to him. My habits +soon led me to spend a considerable part of this money, giving receipts +for different sums, yet leaving my father to suppose I had not received +them. + +In November I went on a pleasure excursion to Magdeburg, where I spent +six days in much sin; and though my absence from home had been found out +by my father, before I returned from thence; yet I took all the money I +could obtain, and went to Brunswick, after I had, through a number of +lies, obtained permission from my tutor. The reason of my going to +Brunswick was, the attachment I had formed eighteen months previously to +the young female residing there. I spent a week at Brunswick, in an +expensive hotel. At the end of the week my money was expended. This, as +well as the want of a passport, prevented my staying any longer in the +hotel; but as I still wished to remain at Brunswick, I went to my uncle, +the husband of my father's sister, and made some excuse for not having +gone to him in the first instance. My uncle, seeing I suppose my unsteady +life, intimated after a week, that he did not wish me to remain with him +any longer. + +I then went, without money, to another hotel, in a village near +Brunswick, where I spent another week in an expensive way of living. At +last, the owner of the hotel suspecting that I had no money, asked for +payment, and I was obliged to leave my best clothes as a security, and +could scarcely thus escape from being arrested. I then walked about six +miles, to Wolfenbuttel, went to an inn, and began again to live as if I +had plenty of money. Here I stayed two days, looking out for an +opportunity to run away; for I had now nothing remaining to leave as a +pledge. But the window of my room was too high to allow of my escaping, by +getting down at night. On the second or third morning I went quietly out +of the yard, and then ran off; but being suspected and observed, and +therefore seen to go off, I was immediately called after, and so had to +return. + +I now confessed my case, but found no mercy. I was arrested, and taken +between two soldiers to a police officer. Being suspected by him to be a +vagabond or thief, I was examined for about three hours, and then sent to +gaol. I now found myself at the age of sixteen, an inmate of the same +dwelling with thieves and murderers, and treated accordingly. My superior +manners profited nothing. For though, as a particular favour, I received +the first evening some meat with my bread, I had the next day the common +allowance of the prisoners,--very coarse bread and water, and for dinner +vegetables, but no meat. My situation was most wretched. I was locked up +in this place day and night, without permission to leave my cell. The +dinner was such that on the first day I completely loathed it; and left it +untouched. The second day I took a little, the third day all, and the +fourth and following days I would fain have had more. On the second day I +asked the keeper for a Bible, not to consider its blessed contents, but to +pass away the time. However, I received none. Here then I was; no creature +with me; no book, no work in my hands, and large iron rails before my +narrow window. + +During the second night I was awakened out of my sleep by the rattling of +the bolts and keys. Three men came into my room. When I asked them in my +fright what it meant, they laughed at me, continuing quietly to try the +iron rails, to see whether I could escape.--After a few days I found out, +that a thief was imprisoned next to me, and, as far as a thick wooden +partition would allow of it, I conversed with him; and shortly after the +governor of the prison allowed him, as a favour to me, to share my cell. +We now passed away our time in relating our adventures, and I was by this +time so wicked, that I was not satisfied with relating things of which I +had been really guilty, but I even invented stories, to show him what a +famous fellow I was. + +I waited in vain day after day to be liberated.--After about ten or twelve +days my fellow prisoner and I disagreed, and thus we two wretched beings, +to increase our wretchedness, spent day after day without conversing +together.--I was in prison from December 18th, 1821, till January 12th, +1822, when the keeper came and told me to go with him to the police +office. Here I found, that the Commissioner, before whom I had been tried, +had first written to my uncle at Brunswick, and when he had written in +reply, that it was better to acquaint my father with my conduct, the +Commissioner had done so; and thus I was kept in prison till my father +sent the money which was needed for my traveling expenses, to pay my debt +in the inn, and for my maintenance in the prison. So ungrateful was I now, +for certain little kindnesses shown to me by my fellow-prisoner, that, +although I had promised to call on his sister, to deliver a message from +him, I omitted to do so; and so little had I been benefited by this my +chastisement, that, though I was going home to meet an angry father, only +two hours after I had left the town where I had been imprisoned, I chose +an avowedly wicked person as my traveling companion for a great part of my +journey. + +My father, who arrived two days after I had reached Heimersleben, after +having severely beaten me, took me home to Schoenebeck, intending to keep +me there till Easter, and then to send me to a classical school at Halle, +that I might be under strict discipline and the continual inspection of a +tutor. In the meantime I took pupils, whom I instructed in Latin, French, +arithmetic, and German Grammar. I now endeavoured, by diligence in study, +to regain the favour of my father. My habits were, as to outward +appearance, exemplary. I made progress in my own studies, benefited my +pupils, and was soon liked by every body around me, and in a short time my +father had forgotten all. But all this time I was in heart as bad as ever; +for I was still in secret habitually guilty of great sins. + +Easter came, and on account of my good behaviour, my diligence in study, +and also because I was no expense to my father, but earned much more than +I cost him, I easily persuaded him to let me stay at home till Michaelmas. +But after that period he would not consent to my remaining any longer with +him, and therefore I left home, pretending to go to Halle to be examined. +But having a hearty dislike to the strict discipline of which I had heard, +and knowing also that I should meet there young men attending the +university with whom I was acquainted, enjoying all the liberty of German +students, whilst I myself was still at school: for these and other reasons +I went to Nordhausen, and had myself examined by the director of the +gymnasium, to be received into that school. I then went home, but never +told my father a word of all this deception, till the day before my +departure, which obliged me to invent a whole chain of lies. He was then +very angry; but at last, through my entreaties and persuasion, he gave way +and allowed me to go. This was in the beginning of October, 1822. + +I continued at Nordhausen two years and six months, till Easter, 1825. +During this time I studied with considerable diligence the Latin classics, +French, history, my own language, &c.; but did little in Hebrew, Greek, +and the Mathematics. I lived in the house of the director, and got, +through my conduct, highly into his favour, so much so, that I was held up +by him in the first class as an example to the rest, and he used to take +me regularly with him in his walks, to converse with me in Latin. I used +now to rise regularly at four, winter and summer, and generally studied +all the day, with little exception, till ten at night. + +But whilst I was thus outwardly gaining the esteem of my fellow-creatures, +I did not care in the least about God, but lived secretly in +much sin, in consequence of which I was taken ill, and for thirteen weeks +confined to my room. During my illness I had no real sorrow of heart, yet +being under certain natural impressions of religion, I read through +Klopstock's works without weariness. I cared nothing about the word of +God. I had about three hundred books of my own, but no Bible. I +practically set a far higher value upon the writings of Horace and Cicero, +Voltaire and Moliere, than upon the volume of inspiration. Now and then I +felt that I ought to become a different person, and I tried to amend my +conduct, particularly when I went to the Lord's supper, as I used to do +twice every year, with the other young men. The day previous to attending +that ordinance, I used to refrain from certain things; and on the day +itself I was serious, and also swore once or twice to God, with the emblem +of the broken body in my mouth, to become better, thinking that for the +oath's sake I should be induced to reform. But after one or two days were +over, all was forgotten, and I was as bad as before. + +I had now grown so wicked, that I could habitually tell lies without +blushing. And further, to show how fearfully wicked I was, I will mention, +out of many others, only one great sin, of which I was guilty, before I +left this place. Through my dissipated life I had contracted debts, which +I had no means of discharging; for my father could allow me only about as +much as I needed for my regular maintenance. One day, after having +received a sum of money from him, and having purposely shown it to some of +my companions, I afterwards feigned that it was stolen, having myself by +force injured the lock of my trunk, and having also designedly forced open +my guitar case. I also feigned myself greatly frightened at what had +happened, ran into the director's room with my coat off, and told him that +my money was stolen. I was greatly pitied. Some friends also gave me now +as much money as I pretended to have lost, and the circumstance afforded +me a ground upon which to ask my creditors to wait longer. But this matter +turned out bitterly; for the director, having ground to suspect me, though +he could not prove anything, never fully restored me to his confidence. + +As it regards my own feeling, though I was very wicked, yet this +desperate act of depravity was too much, even for my hardened conscience; +for it never afterwards allowed me to feel easy in the presence of the +director's wife, who, like a kind mother, had waited on me in my illness, +and on whom I had now so willfully brought trouble. How long-suffering was +God at this time, not to destroy me at once! And how merciful that he did +not suffer me to be tried before the police, who easily would have +detected that the whole was a fabrication! I was heartily glad for many +reasons, but particularly on account of this latter circumstance, to be +able soon after to exchange the school for the university. + +I had now obtained what I had fondly looked forward to. I became a member +of the university, and that with very honourable testimonials. I had thus +obtained permission to preach in the Lutheran Establishment, but I was as +truly unhappy, and as far from God as ever. I had made strong resolutions, +now at last, to change my course of life, for two reasons: first, because, +without it, I thought no parish would choose me as their pastor; and +secondly, that without a considerable knowledge of divinity I should never +get a good living, as the obtaining of a valuable cure, in Prussia, +generally depends upon the degree which the candidates of the ministry +obtain in passing the examination. But the moment I entered Halle, the +university town, all my resolutions came to nothing.--Being now more than +ever my own master, and without any control as long as I did not fight a +duel, molest the people in the streets, &c., I renewed my profligate life +afresh, though now a student of divinity. When my money was spent, I +pawned my watch and a part of my linen and clothes, or borrowed in other +ways. Yet in the midst of it all I had a desire to renounce this wretched +life, for I had no enjoyment in it, and had sense enough left to see, that +the end one day or other would be miserable; for I should never get a +living. But I had no sorrow of heart on account of offending God. + +One day when I was in a tavern with some of my wild fellow-students, I +saw among them one of my former school-fellows, named Beta, whom I had +known four years before at Halberstadt, but whom at that time had +despised, because he was so quiet and serious. It now appeared well to me +to choose him as my friend, thinking that if I could but have better +companions, I should by that means improve my own conduct. I entered into +familiar discourse with him, and we were soon much knit to one another. +"Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm." +Jeremiah xvii. 5. + +This Beta was a backslider. When formerly he was so quiet at school, I +have reason to believe it was because the Spirit of God was working on his +heart; but now, having departed from the Lord, he tried to put off the +ways of God more and more, and to enjoy the world of which he had known +but little before. I sought his friendship because I thought it would lead +me to a steady life; and he gladly formed an acquaintance with me, as he +told me afterwards, because he thought it would bring him into gay +society. Thus my poor foolish heart was again deceived. And yet, God, in +His abundant mercy, made him, after all, in a way which was never thought +of by me, the instrument of doing me good, not merely for time, but for +eternity. + +About this period, June 1825, I was again taken ill in consequence of my +profligate and vicious life. My state of health would therefore no longer +allow me to go on in the same course, but my desires were still unchanged. +About the end of July I recovered. After this, my conduct was outwardly +rather better; but this arose only from want of money. At the commencement +of August, Beta and I with two other students, drove about the country, +for four days. All the money for this expensive pleasure had been obtained +by pledging some of our remaining articles. When we returned, instead of +being truly sorry on account of this sin, we thought of fresh pleasures, +and, as my love for traveling was stronger than ever, through what I had +seen on this last journey, I proposed to my friends to set off for +Switzerland. The obstacles in the way, the want of money, and the want of +the passports, were removed by me. For, through forged letters from our +parents, we procured passports; and through pledging all we could, +particularly our books, we obtained as much money as we thought would be +enough. Beta was one of the party. + +On August 18th we left Halle. It will be enough to say that we went as +far as Mount Rigi in Switzerland, by the way of Erfurt, Frankfort, +Heidelberg, Stuttgart, Zurich, and returned by the way of Constance, Ulm, +and Nuremberg. Forty-three days we were, day after day, traveling, almost +always on foot. I had now obtained the desire of my heart. I had seen +Switzerland. But still I was far from being happy. The Lord most +graciously preserved us from many calamitous circumstances, which, but for +His gracious providence, might have overtaken us. But I did not see His +hand at that time, as I have seen it since. Sickness of one or more of us, +or separation from one another, which might have so easily befallen us, +would have brought us, being so far from home, and having but just as much +money as was absolutely needed, into a most miserable condition. I was on +this journey like Judas; for, having the common purse, I was a thief. I +managed so, that the journey cost me but two-thirds of what it cost my +friends. Oh! how wicked was I now. At last all of us became tired of +seeing even the most beautiful views; and whilst at first, after having +seen certain scenes, I had been saying with Horace, at the end of +the day, in my pagan heart, "Vixi," (I have lived), I was now glad to +get home again. + +September 29th we reached Halle, from whence each of us, for the +remainder of the vacation, went to his father's house. I had now, by many +lies, to satisfy my father concerning the traveling expenses, and +succeeded in deceiving him. During the three weeks I stayed at home I +determined to live differently for the future. Once more the Lord showed +me what resolutions come to, when made in man's strength. I was different +for a few days; but when the vacation was over, and fresh students came, +and, with them, fresh money, all was soon forgotten. + +At that time Halle was frequented by 1260 students, about 900 of whom +studied divinity, all of which 900 were allowed to preach, although, I +have reason to believe, not nine of them feared the Lord. + +The time was now come when God would have mercy upon me. His love had +been set upon such a wretch as I was before the world was made. His love +had sent His Son to bear the punishment due to me on account of my sins, +and to fulfill the law which I had broken times without number. And now at +a time when I was as careless about Him as ever, He sent His Spirit into +my heart. I had no Bible, and had not read in it for years. I went to +church but seldom; but, from custom, I took the Lord's supper twice a +year. I had never heard the gospel preached, up to the beginning of +November 1825. I had never met with a person who told me that he meant, by +the help of God, to live according to the Holy Scriptures. In short, I had +not the least idea, that there were any persons really different from +myself, except in degree. + +One Saturday afternoon, about the middle of November 1825, I had taken a +walk with my friend Beta. On our return he said to me, that he was in the +habit of going on Saturday evenings to the house of a Christian, where +there was a meeting. On further enquiry he told me that they read the +Bible, sang, prayed, and read a printed sermon. No sooner had I heard +this, than it was to me as if I had found something after which I had been +seeking all my life long. I immediately wished to go with my friend, who +was not at once willing to take me; for knowing me as a gay young man, he +thought I should not like this meeting. At last, however, he said he would +call for me.--I would here mention, that Beta seems to have had conviction +of sin, and probably also a degree of acquaintance with the Lord, when +about fifteen years old. Afterwards, being in a cold and worldly state, he +joined me in this sinful Journey to Switzerland. On his return, however, +being extremely miserable, and convinced of his guilt, he made a full +confession of his sin to his father; and whilst with him, sought the +acquaintance of a Christian brother, named Richter. This Dr. Richter, who +himself had studied a few years before at Halle, gave him, on his return +to the university, a letter of introduction to a believing tradesman, of +the name of Wagner. It was this brother, concerning whom Beta spoke to me, +and in whose house the meeting was held. + +We went together in the evening. As I did not know the manners of +believers, and the joy they have in seeing poor sinners, even in any +measure caring about the things of God, I made an apology for coming. The +kind answer of this dear brother I shall never forget. He said: "Come as +often as you please; house and heart are open to you." We sat down and +sang a hymn. Then brother Kayser, now a missionary in Africa, in +connection with the London Missionary Society, who was then living at +Halle, fell on his knees, and asked a blessing on our meeting. This +kneeling down made a deep impression upon me; for I had never either seen +any one on his knees, nor had I ever myself prayed on my knees. He then +read a chapter and a printed sermon; for no regular meetings for +expounding the Scriptures were allowed in Prussia, except an ordained +clergyman was present. At the close we sang another hymn, and then the +master of the house prayed. Whilst he prayed, my feeling was something +like this: "I could not pray as well, though I am much more learned than +this illiterate man." The whole made a deep impression on me. I was happy; +though, if I had been asked, why I was happy, I could not have clearly +explained it. + +When we walked home, I said to Beta, "All we have seen on our journey to +Switzerland, and all our former pleasures, are as nothing in comparison +with this evening." Whether I fell on my knees when I returned home, I do +not remember; but this I know, that I lay peaceful and happy in my bed. +This shows that the Lord may begin His work in different ways. For I have +not the least doubt, that on that evening, He began a work of grace in me, +though I obtained joy without any deep sorrow of heart, and with scarcely +any knowledge. That evening was the turning point in my life.--The next +day, and Monday, and once or twice besides, I went again to the house of +this brother, where I read the Scriptures with him and another brother; +for it was too long for me to wait till Saturday came again. + +Now my life became very different, though not so, that all sins were +given up at once. My wicked companions were given up; the going to taverns +was entirely discontinued; the habitual practice of telling falsehoods was +no longer indulged in, but still a few times after this I spoke an +untruth.--At the time when this change took place, I was engaged in +translating a novel out of French into German, for the press, in order to +obtain the means of gratifying my desire to see Paris, &c. This plan about +the journey was now given up, though I had not light enough to give up the +work in which I was engaged, but finished it. The Lord, however, most +remarkably put various obstacles in the way and did not allow me to sell +the manuscript. At last, seeing that the whole was wrong, I determined +never to sell it, and was enabled to abide by this determination. The +manuscript was burnt. + +I now no longer lived habitually in sin, though I was still often +overcome, and sometimes even by open sins, though far less frequently than +before, and not without sorrow of heart. I read the Scriptures, prayed +often, loved the brethren, went to church from right motives, and stood on +the side of Christ; though laughed at by my fellow-students. + +It had pleased God to teach me something of the meaning of that precious +truth: "God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that +whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." +I understood something of the reason why the Lord Jesus died on the cross, +and suffered such agonies in the Garden of Gethsemane: even that thus, +bearing the punishment due to us, we might not have to bear it ourselves. +And, therefore, apprehending in some measure the love of Jesus for my +soul, I was constrained to love Him in return. What all the exhortations +and precepts of my father and others could not effect; what all my own +resolutions could not bring about, even to renounce a life of sin and +profligacy: I was enabled to do, constrained by the love of Jesus. The +individual who desires to have his sins forgiven, must seek for it through +the blood of Jesus. The individual who desires to get power over sin, must +likewise seek it through the blood of Jesus. + +In January 1826, I began to read missionary papers, and was greatly +stirred up to become a missionary myself. I prayed frequently concerning +this matter, and thus made more decided progress for a few weeks. But +soon, alas! I was drawn aside. I used frequently to meet a young female, +who also came to the meetings on Saturday evenings; and being the only +pious female of my own age, whom I knew, I soon felt myself greatly +attached to her. This led away my heart from missionary work, for I had +reason to believe that her parents would not allow her to go with me. My +prayers now became cold and formal, and at length were almost entirely +given up. My joy in the Lord left me. In this state I continued for about +six weeks. At the end of that time, about Easter 1826, I saw a devoted +young brother, named Hermann Ball, a learned man, and of wealthy parents, +who, constrained by the love of Christ, preferred labouring in Poland +among the Jews as a missionary, to having a comfortable living near his +relations. His example made a deep impression on me. I was led to apply +his case to my own, and to compare myself with him; for I had given up the +work of the Lord, and, I may say, the Lord Himself, for the sake of a +girl. The result of this comparison was, that I was enabled to give up +this connexion, which I had entered into without prayer, and which thus +had led me away from the Lord. When I was enabled to be decided, the Lord +smiled on me, and I was, for the first time in my life, able fully and +unreservedly to give up myself to Him. + +It was at this time that I began truly to enjoy the peace of God, which +passeth all understanding. In this my joy I wrote to my father and +brother, entreating them to seek the Lord, and telling them how happy I +was; thinking, that if the way to happiness were but set before them, they +would gladly embrace it. To my great surprise an angry answer was +returned.--About this period the Lord sent a believer, Dr. Tholuck, as +professor of divinity to Halle, in consequence of which a few believing +students came from other universities. Thus also, through becoming +acquainted with other brethren, the Lord led me on. + +With the revival of the work of grace in my heart, after the snare above +referred to had been broken, my former desire, to give myself to +missionary service, returned, and I went at last to my father to obtain +his permission, without which I could not be received into any of the +German missionary institutions. My father was greatly displeased, and +particularly reproached me, saying that he had expended so much money on +my education, in hope that he might comfortably spend his last days with +me in a parsonage, and that he now saw all these prospects come to +nothing. He was angry, and told me he would no longer consider me as his +son. But the Lord gave me grace to remain steadfast. He then entreated me, +and wept before me; yet even this by far harder trial the Lord enabled me +to bear. Before I went away I took an opportunity of reminding my brother +of my former wicked life, and told him that now, having been thus blessed +by God, I could not but live for Him. After I had left my father, though I +wanted more money than at any previous period of my life, as I had to +remain two years longer in the university, I determined, never to take any +more from him; for it seemed to me wrong, so far as I remember, to suffer +myself to be supported by him, when he had no prospect that I should +become, what he would wish me to be, namely, a clergyman with a good +living. This resolution I was enabled to keep. + +By the way I would here observe, that the Lord afterwards, in a most +remarkable way, supplied my temporal wants. For shortly after this had +occurred, several American gentlemen, three of whom were professors in +American colleges, came to Halle for literary purposes; and as they did +not understand German, I was recommended by Dr. Tholuck to teach them. +These gentlemen, some of whom were believers, paid so handsomely for the +instruction which I gave them, and for the lectures of certain professors +which I wrote out for them, that I had enough and to spare. Thus did the +Lord richly make up to me the little which I had relinquished for His +sake. "0 fear the Lord, ye His saints; for there is no want to them that +fear Him." Psalm xxxiv. 9. + +On my return from my father to Halle, I found that the more experienced +brethren thought that I ought for the present to take no further steps +respecting my desire to go out as a missionary. But still it was more or +less in my mind.--Whitsuntide and the two days following I spent in the +house of a pious clergyman in the country: for all the ministers at Halle, +a town of more than 30,000 inhabitants, were unenlightened men, God +greatly refreshed me through this visit. Dear Beta was with me. On our +return we related to two of our former friends, whose society we had not +quite given up, though we did not any longer live with them in sin, how +happy we had been on our visit. I then told them how I wished they were as +happy as ourselves. They answered, we do not feel that we are sinners. +After this I fell on my knees, and asked God to show them that they were +sinners. Having done so, I left them, and went into my bed-room, where I +continued to pray for them. After a little while I returned to my +sitting-room, and found them both in tears, and both told me that +they now felt themselves to be sinners. From that time a work of grace +commenced in their hearts. + +Shortly after this, being still greatly exercised about going out as a +missionary, and wishing much (according to my natural mind, as I now see,) +to have the matter settled, in one way or the other, without being willing +quietly, patiently, and prayerfully to wait on the Lord, I came to the +conclusion to ascertain the Lord's mind by the lot. To this end I not +merely drew a lot in private, but I bought a ticket in the royal lottery; +and I left it thus with the Lord, that if I gained any thing, I should +take it to be His will that I should become a missionary, if not, that I +should remain at home. My ticket came out with a small sum, on account of +which it appeared to me that I should be a missionary. I therefore applied +to the Berlin Missionary Society, but was not accepted, because my father +had not given his consent. + +Very soon afterwards I was led to see in some degree, and since then much +more fully, the error into which I had fallen respecting the lot. In the +first place it was altogether wrong, that I, a child of God, should have +any thing to do with so worldly a system as that of the lottery. But it +was also unscriptural to go to the lot at all for the sake of ascertaining +the Lord's mind, and this I ground on the following reasons. We have +neither a commandment of God for it, nor the example of our Lord, nor that +of the apostles, after the Holy Spirit had been given on the day of +Pentecost. 1. We have many exhortations in the word of God to seek to know +His mind by prayer and searching the Holy Scriptures, but no passage which +exhorts us to use the lot. 2. The example of the apostles (Acts i.) in +using the lot, in the choice of an apostle, in the room of Judas Iscariot, +is the only passage, which can be brought in favour of the lot, from the +New Testament, (and to the Old we have not to go under this dispensation, +for the sake of ascertaining how we ought to live as disciples of Christ). +Now concerning this circumstance we have to remember, that the Spirit was +not yet given (John vii. 39; ch. xiv. 16, 17; ch. xvi. 7, 13), by whose +teaching especially it is that we may know the mind of the Lord; and hence +we find, that, after the day of Pentecost, the lot was no more used, but +the apostles gave themselves to prayer and fasting to ascertain how they +ought to act. + +In addition to this I would give my own experience concerning the lot, +but only by way of illustrating the view just given; for the word of God +is quite sufficient on the subject. And first as it regards my using the +lot in the above case. How did it turn out? I had repeatedly asked the +Lord to show me His mind, whether He would have me to be a missionary or +not. But not coming to a satisfactory assurance, and being very anxious to +have the matter settled, I found out in my own judgment a much shorter +way, namely, the lot. I ought to have said to myself, how can an +individual, so ignorant as you are, think about being a teacher to others? +For though I was truly begotten again, and rested upon Christ alone for +salvation, still I should not have been able to give a clear explanation +of even the most elementary truths of the Gospel. How then could I be fit +to teach others? The first thing therefore I ought to have done, was, to +seek through much prayer, and searching the Scriptures, and a holy life, +to obtain more knowledge of divine things. Further, as to my impatience in +wishing the matter settled, how could I have been fit to endure in that +state the hardships and trials of a missionary life, in which my patience, +no doubt, would have been much more severely tried? I therefore ought to +have said to myself, if I cannot wait quietly, though it be many months +longer, before the Lord shows me clearly His will concerning the matter, +how then can I be fit for missionary work? Instead of thus comparing my +state of heart and knowledge, with what is required in the Scriptures from +him who is to be a teacher, I ran hastily to the lot, and thought I had +done it prayerfully. And how did it end? According to my prayers the lot +decided I should be a missionary among the heathen (and my mind, at that +time, especially inclined to the East Indies). But the way in which the +Lord has led me since has been very different. And it ought not to be said +in defense of the practice of deciding by lot--Perhaps the Lord meant you +to be a missionary among the heathen, but you did not give yourself to the +work? for I actually offered myself to a society, but was not accepted. +Moreover, since 1826 I have repeatedly offered myself most solemnly to the +Lord for this work, and am as sure that it is not His will that I should +go out a missionary for the present, as I am sure of any thing. Nor could +it be said, that perhaps the Lord yet may call me for this work. For if He +should be pleased to do so tomorrow, yet that would prove nothing +concerning the above point. For I did not use the lot to ascertain whether +at any period of my life I should be engaged in missionary work, but +whether I should then set about it. And to put such an explanation on the +matter, would be acting as false prophets, who, when their prophecies +fail, try to find out some way or other, whereby they may show that their +prophecies were true. + +About two years after I used the lot in another instance. I went one day +to a village about fifteen miles from Halle, to see the few believers +there. When I was about three miles from the place, it began to get dark; +and finding myself in a spot where the road divided, and not knowing which +way I should choose, I was greatly perplexed. I stood a moment, and then +prayed to God to show me by the lot, which was the right way. Now, truly +one may say, if the use of the lot in our day is according to the will of +God, this was particularly a case for the Lord to direct me through this +means. For here was one of His children in need, looking up to his Father +to help him, through the lot, out of his difficulty, and this His child +also on a journey in His service. I drew the lot and went the way to the +left. After some time I found I was on the wrong road. Now, at last, as I +did not know how to get into the right one, I did what I ought to have +done before, and what I believe to be a scriptural way of acting; I prayed +that the Lord graciously would send some one to put me into the right way; +and almost immediately a carriage came up, and I was directed +on my journey. + +In one other instance I used the lot some years after. It concerned a +most important matter, important for my whole life. I had then a degree of +conviction, that I ought prayerfully and patiently to wait for the Lord's +decision. But my natural mind would have the decision at once, and thus +after prayer I drew the lot, to have the matter in one way or other +settled. But facts turned out completely different from what the lot +decided. + +To ascertain the Lord's will we ought to use scriptural means. Prayer, +the word of God, and His Spirit should be united together. We should go to +the Lord repeatedly in prayer, and ask Him to teach us by His Spirit +through His word. I say, by His Spirit through His word. For if we should +think that His Spirit led us to do so and so, because certain facts are so +and so, and yet His word is opposed to the step which we are going to +take, we should be deceiving ourselves. + +For instance: A brother in business thinks he ought to leave the house in +which he lives, because it is not in a good situation. He wishes to know +the Lord's mind, as he says, and prays about the matter. After a few days, +unexpectedly, a house is offered to him without seeking after it, in a +much better situation. The house is very suitable, as he thinks; the rent +very moderate; and moreover the person who offers him the house tells him, +that, because he is a believer he will let him have it at this cheap rent. +There is, however, this scriptural objection in the way. If he goes into +this house, he must carry on so large a business, to cover his expenses, +that his time will be so occupied as to encroach upon those hours, which +ought to be devoted to his spiritual interests. Now the scriptural way of +deciding would be this: No situation, no business will be given to me by +God, in which I have not time enough to care about my soul (Matthew vi. +33). Therefore, however outward circumstances may appear, it can only be +considered as permitted of God, to prove the genuineness of my love, +faith, and obedience, but by no means as the leading of His providence to +induce me to act contrary to His revealed will. + +In connexion with this I would mention, that the Lord very graciously +gave me, from the very commencement of my divine life, a measure of +simplicity and of childlike disposition in spiritual things, so that +whilst I was exceedingly ignorant of the Scriptures, and was still from +time to time overcome even by outward sins, yet I was enabled to carry +most minute matters to the Lord in prayer. And I have found "godliness +profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of +that which is to come." Though very weak and ignorant, yet I had now, by +the grace of God, some desire to benefit others, and he who so faithfully +had once served Satan, sought now to win souls for Christ. + +I may mention a few instances. I circulated every month, in different +parts of the country, about 300 missionary papers. I also sold and +distributed a considerable number of tracts, and often took my pockets +full in my walks, and distributed them, and spoke to poor people whom I +met. I also wrote letters to some of my former companions in sin. I +visited for thirteen weeks a sick man, who, when I first began to speak to +him about the things of God, was completely ignorant of his state as a +sinner, trusting for salvation in his upright and moral life. After some +weeks, however, the Lord allowed me to see a decided change in him, and he +afterwards repeatedly expressed his gratitude, that I had been sent to him +by God, to be the means of opening his blind eyes. May this encourage the +believing reader to sow the seed, though he does not see it spring up at +once. + +Thus the Lord condescended to begin to use me soon after my conversion, +though but little; for I could bear but very little, as I did not see at +that time, as I do now, that God alone can give spiritual life at the +first, and keep it up in the soul afterwards. How imperfectly, however, on +account of my ignorance, some of these things were done, I will show by +the following instance. Once I met a beggar in the fields, and spoke to +him about his soul. But when I perceived it made no impression upon him, I +spoke more loudly; and when he still remained unmoved, I quite bawled in +talking to him; till at last I went away, seeing it was of no use. Though +none had sought the Lord less than myself, when He was pleased to begin +His work in me; yet so ignorant was I of the work of the Spirit, that I +thought my speaking very loudly would force him into repentance towards +God, and faith in the Lord Jesus. + +Having heard that there was a schoolmaster living in a village, about six +miles from Halls, who was in the habit of holding a prayer meeting at four +o'clock every morning, with the miners, before they went into the pit, +giving them also an address, I thought he was a believer; and as I knew so +very few brethren, I went to see him, in order, if it might be, to +strengthen his hands. About two years afterwards he told me, that when I +came to him first, he knew not the Lord, but that he had held these +prayer-meetings merely out of kindness to a relative, whose office +it was, but who bad gone on a journey; and that those addresses which +lie had read were not his own, but copied out of a book. He also told me, +that he was much impressed with my kindness, and, what he considered +condescension on my part in coming to see him, and this, together with +my conversation, had been instrumental in leading him to care about the +things of God; and I knew him ever afterwards as a true believer. + +This schoolmaster asked me, whether I would not preach in his parish, as +the aged and infirm clergyman would be very glad of my assistance. Up to +this time I had never preached, though for fifteen months past I might +have done so as a student of divinity; for before Christmas 1825 I had +been mercifully kept from attempting to preach, (though I wrote to my +father about July that I had preached, because I knew it would please +him), and after Christmas, when I knew the Lord, I refrained from doing +so, because I felt that I was yet too little instructed in the things of +God. The same reason ought to have still kept me from preaching; yet I +thought, that, by taking a sermon, or the greater part of one, written by +a spiritual man, and committing it to memory, I might benefit the people. +Had I reasoned scripturally, I should have said, surely it cannot be the +will of God, that I should preach in this way, if I have not enough +knowledge of the Scriptures to write a sermon. Moreover, I had not enough +light nor tenderness of conscience to see, that I was a deceiver in the +pulpit; for every body supposes, that the sermon a man preaches is, if not +entirely, at least as to the most part, his own composition. + +I now set about putting a printed sermon into a suitable form, and +committing it to memory. It was hard work. There is no joy in man's own +doings and choosings. It took me nearly a whole week to commit to memory +such a sermon as would take up nearly an hour in repeating. I got through +it, but had no enjoyment in the work. It was on August 27, 1826, at eight +in the morning, in a chapel of ease, in connexion with which my friend was +schoolmaster.5 At eleven I repeated the same sermon verbatim in the parish +church. There was one service more, in the afternoon, at which I needed +not to have done any thing; for the schoolmaster might have read a printed +sermon, as he used to do. But having a desire to serve the Lord, though I +often knew not how to do it scripturally; and knowing that this aged and +unenlightened clergyman had had this living for forty-eight years, and +having therefore reason to believe, that the gospel scarcely ever had been +preached in that place; I had it in my heart to preach again in the +afternoon. But I had no second sermon committed to memory. It came, +however, to my mind to read the 5th chapter of Matthew, and to make such +remarks as I was able. I did so. Immediately upon beginning to expound +"Blessed are the poor in spirit, &c." I felt myself greatly assisted; and +whereas in the morning my sermon had not been simple enough for the people +to understand it, I now was listened to with the greatest attention, and I +think was also understood. My own peace and joy were great. I felt this a +blessed work. After the service I left the aged clergyman as soon as +possible, lest I should lose my enjoyment. + +On my way to Halle I thought, this is the way I should like always to +preach. But then it came immediately to my mind, that such sort of +preaching might do for illiterate country people, but that it never would +do before a well educated assembly in town. I thought, the truth ought to +be preached at all hazards, but it ought to be given in a different form, +suited to the hearers. Thus I remained unsettled in my mind as it regards +the mode of preaching; and it is not surprising that I did not then see +the truth concerning this matter, for I did not understand the work of the +Spirit, and therefore saw not the powerlessness of human eloquence. +Further, I did not keep in mind, that if the most illiterate persons in +the congregation can comprehend the discourse, the most educated will +understand it too; but that the reverse does not hold true. + +It was not till three years afterwards that I was led, through grace, to +see what I now consider the right mode of preparation for the public +preaching of the Word. But about this, if God permit, I will say more when +I come to that period of my life. + +I now preached frequently, both in the churches of villages and towns, +but never had any enjoyment in doing so, except when speaking in a simple +way; though the repetition of sermons, which had been committed to memory, +brought more praise from my fellow-creatures. But from neither way of +preaching did I see any fruit. It may be, that the last day may show the +benefit even of these feeble endeavours. One reason why the Lord did not +permit me to see fruit, seems to me, that I should have been most probably +lifted up by success. It may be also, because I prayed exceedingly little +respecting the ministry of the Word, and because I walked so little with +God, and was so rarely a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the +Master's use. + +About the time that I first began to preach I lived for about two months +in free lodgings, provided for poor students of divinity in the +Orphan-House, built in dependence upon God, by that devoted and +eminent servant of Christ, A. H. Franke, Professor of Divinity at Halle, +who died 1727. I mention this, as some years afterwards I was benefited +myself through the faith of this dear man of God.--About that time I was +still so weak that I fell repeatedly into open sins, yet could not +continue in them, nay, not even for a few days, without sorrow of heart, +confession before God, and fleeing to the blood of the Lamb. And so +ignorant was I still, that I bought a crucifix in a frame, and hung it up +in my room, hoping that being thus frequently reminded of the sufferings +of my Saviour, I should not fall so frequently into sin. But in a few days +the looking to the crucifix was as nothing, and I fell about that very +time more than once deeply. + +About this time I formed an intimate acquaintance with a brother, who was +also a divinity student: and as we loved one another so much, and were so +happy in one another's society, we thought that it would greatly add to +our joy, and to one another's benefit, to live together, and that thus we +might mutually help one another. Accordingly in September 1826, I left the +free lodgings in the Orphan-House, and lived with him. But alas! we were +not aware, that because God is greatly glorified by the love and union of +His people, for this very reason Satan particularly hates it, and will, +therefore, in every possible way, seek to divide them. We ought to have +especially prayed, and that frequently, that the Lord would keep us +together in love; instead of which, I do not think that we at all feared +disunion, as we loved one another so much. For this reason our great +adversary soon got an advantage by our neglecting prayer concerning this +point, and we were disunited, and love and union were not fully restored +between us till after we had been for some time separated. + +Having heard that a very rich lady of title, residing at +Frankfort-on-the-Maine, about two hundred miles from Halle, was a +very pious person, and,in visiting a charitable institution at +Dusselthal, had given very liberally; and wishing much about the +commencement of the year 1827 to help a poor relative with a small sum +of money, and also to pay the remainder of the debt which +I had contracted for my traveling expenses to Switzerland: I +wrote to this lady, asking her to lend me a small sum of money, +in actual amount only little above £5., but, as money in the North +of Germany has much more value than in England, it was as much as £ 12. or +£ 15. in this country. Whilst I was writing, however, the thought occurred +to me, Suppose this lady should not be a believer? I, therefore, pointed +out to her the way of salvation, and related to her how I had been brought +to the knowledge of the truth. But I received no answer by the time I +might have had one.--I would just notice, that since 1829 my practice, on +account of what I found in the Scriptures, Rom. xiii. 8, as it regards +borrowing money, has been different. And, moreover, I have considered that +there is no ground to go away from the door of the Lord to that of a +believer, so long as He is so willing to supply our need. + +About January 20th I was one day very wretched. Satan obtained an +advantage over me through over-much work; for I was in the habit of +writing about fourteen hours a day. One morning I was in so wretched a +state, that I said in my heart, what have I now gained by becoming a +Christian? Afterwards I walked about in the streets in this wretched state +of heart, and at last I went into a confectioner's shop, where wine and +ardent spirits were sold, to eat and to drink. But as soon as I had taken +a piece of cake I left the shop, having no rest, as I felt that it was +unbecoming a believer, either to go to such places, or to spend his money +in such a way. In the afternoon of the very day on which, in the +ingratitude of my heart, I had had such unkind thoughts about the Lord, +(who was at that very time in so remarkable a manner supplying my temporal +wants, by my being employed in writing for an AMERICAN Professor), He +graciously showed me my sin, not by a severe chastisement, as I most +righteously deserved, but by adding another mercy to the many He had +already shown me. Oh! how long-suffering is our Lord. How does He bear +with us! May I at least now seek, for the few days whilst I may stay in +this world, to be more grateful for all His mercies! + +At two o'clock I received a parcel from Frankfort, containing the exact +sum of money of which I had requested the loan. There was no letter to be +found. I was overwhelmed with the Lord's mercy, but very much regretted +that there was no letter. At last, on carefully examining the paper in +which the silver had been packed, I found one, which I have kept, and +which I translate from the German. + +"A peculiar providence has brought me acquainted with the letter which +you have written to Lady B. But you are under a mistake concerning her, +both as it regards her character, and her stay at D., where she never was. +She has been taken for another individual. But that I may lessen in some +measure the difficulties in which you seem to be, I send you the enclosed +small sum, for which you may thank, not the unknown giver, but the Lord, +who turneth the hearts like rivers of water. Hold fast the faith which God +has given you by His Holy Spirit; it is the most precious treasure in this +life, and it contains in itself true happiness. Only seek by watching and +prayer more and more to be delivered from all vanity and self-complacency, +by which even the true believer may be ensnared when he least expects it. +Let it be your chief aim to be more and more humble, faithful, and quiet. +May we not belong to those who say and write continually,' Lord,' 'Lord,' +but who have Him not deeply in their hearts. Christianity consists not in +words, but in power. There must be life in us. For, therefore, God loved +us first that we might love Him in return; and that loving we might +receive power, to be faithful to Him, and to conquer ourselves, the world, +distress, and death. May His Spirit strengthen you for this, that you may +be an able messenger of His Gospel! Amen. + +"AN ADORING WORSHIPPER OF THE + +SAVIOUR, JESUS CHRIST." + +Frankfort-on-the-Maine, January 14th, 1827. + +I saw, in some measure, at the time when I received t letter, how much I +needed such a faithful, and, at the same time, loving word of admonition; +but I have seen it more fully since. Self-complacency, and a want of +quietness and saying and writing more frequently "Lord," "Lord," than +acknowledging Him by my life as such; these were the evils against which +at that time I particularly needed to be cautioned; and up to this day I +am still much, very much, lacking in these points: though the Lord, to His +praise I would say it, has done much for me in these particulars since +that time. + +After having read this letter, my heart was full of joy, shame and +gratitude. Truly it was the goodness of God which brought my heart into +this state, and not the money for that was gone in a few hours after for +the two purposes above referred to. With my heart full of peculiar +feelings, and ashamed of my conduct in the morning, I left the town +towards the evening, to walk alone in a solitary place. And now, being +particularly conscious of my ingratitude to the Lord for all His mercies, +and of my want of steadfastness in His ways, I could not forbear falling +down on my knees behind a hedge, though the snow was a foot deep, anew to +surrender myself wholly to Him, and to pray for strength that I might for +the future live more to His glory, and also to thank Him for His late +mercy. It was a blessed time, I continued about half an hour in prayer. + +After such an experience, it may be difficult for one, who does not know +the plague of his own heart, to think that I was at that time a true +believer, when I tell hint that so base was I, so altogether like a beast +before my God, and unmindful of His mercies to me in Christ, that only a +few weeks after I fell into a wretched backsliding state, in which I +continued for many days, during which time prayer was almost entirely +given up. It was on one of these days that I rang my bell, and ordered the +servant to fetch me wine. And now I began to drink. But how good was the +Lord! Though I desired to drink, that I might be able more easily to go +on in sin, yet He would not allow me to give up myself to the wickedness +of my heart. For whilst in my ungodly days I had drunk once about five +quarts of strong beer in one afternoon, in the way of bravado, and once +also much wine at one time, without remorse of conscience, I could now +take only two or three glasses before the wickedness of my conduct was +brought before me; and my conscience told me that I drank merely for the +sake of drinking, and thus I gave it up. + +It was about this time that I formed the plan of exchanging the +University of Halle for that of Berlin, on account of there being a +greater number of believing professors and students in the latter place. +But the whole plan was formed without prayer, or at least without earnest +prayer. When, however, the morning came on which I had to take decided +steps concerning it, and to apply for the university-testimonials, the +Lord graciously stirred me up, prayerfully to consider the matter; and +finding that I bad no sufficient reason for leaving Halle, I gave up the +plan, and have never had reason to regret having done so. + +In the vacations, Michaelmas, 1826, and Easter, 1827, and at other times, +I visited a Moravian settlement, called Gnadau, which was only about three +miles distant from the place where my father then resided. Through the +instrumentality of the brethren, whom I met there, my spirit was often +refreshed. + +The public means of grace by which I could be benefited were very few. +Though I went regularly to church when I did not preach myself, yet I +scarcely ever heard the truth; for there was no enlightened clergyman in +the town. And when it so happened that I could bear Dr. Tholuck, or any +other godly minister, the prospect of it beforehand, and the looking back +upon it afterwards, served to fill me with joy. Now and then I walked ten +or fifteen miles to enjoy this privilege. May those who enjoy the faithful +ministry of the Word feel exceedingly thankful for it. There are few +blessings on earth greater for a believer; and yet the Lord is frequently +obliged to teach us the value of this blessing by depriving us of it for a +season. + +Another means of grace which I attended, besides the Saturday evening +meetings in brother Wagner's house, was a meeting every Lord's day evening +with the believing students, which consisted of six or more in number, and +increased, before I left Halle, to about 20; and which, after the Easter +vacation of 1827, was held in my room till I left Halle. In these meetings +one, or two, or more of the brethren prayed, and we read the Scriptures, +sang hymns, and sometimes also one or another of the brethren spoke a +little in the way of exhortation, and we read also such writings of godly +men as were calculated for edification. I was often greatly stirred up and +refreshed in these meetings; and twice, being in a backsliding state, and +therefore cold and miserable, I opened my heart to the brethren, and was +brought out of that state through the means of their exhortations and +prayers. "Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together," is a most +important exhortation. Even if we should not derive any especial benefit, +at the time, so far as we are conscious, yet we may be kept from much +harm. And very frequently the beginning of coldness of heart is nourished +by keeping away from the meetings of the saints. I know, when I was cold, +and had no real desire to be brought out of that state, I went a few times +into the villages, where I was sure not to meet with brethren, that I +might not be spoken to about the things of God. Yet so gracious was the +Lord, that my very wretchedness brought me back after a few hours. The +Lord had begun a good work in me; and being faithful, though I was +faithless, He would not give me up, but carried on His gracious work in +me; though it would have progressed much more rapidly, had not my +rebellious heart resisted. As to the other means of grace I would say: I +fell into the snare, into which so many young believers fall, the reading +of religious books in preference to the Scriptures. I could no longer read +French and German novels, as I had formerly done, to feed my carnal mind; +but still I did not put into the room of those books the best of all +books. I read tracts, missionary papers, sermons, and biographies of godly +persons. The last kind of books I found more profitable than others, and +had they been well selected, or had I not read too much of such writings, +or had any of them tended particularly to endear the Scriptures to me, +they might have done me much good.--I never had been at any time in my +life in the habit of reading the Holy Scriptures. When under fifteen years +of age, I occasionally read a little of them at school; afterwards God's +precious book was entirely laid aside, so that I never read one single +chapter of it, as far as I remember, till it pleased God to begin a work +of grace in my heart. Now the scriptural way of reasoning would have been: +God Himself has condescended to become an author, and I am ignorant about +that precious book, which His Holy Spirit has caused to be written through +the instrumentality of His servants, and it contains that which I ought to +know, and the knowledge of which will lead me to true happiness; therefore +I ought to read again and again this most precious book, this book of +books, most earnestly, most prayerfully, and with much meditation; and in +this practice I ought to continue all the days of my life. For I was +aware, though I read it but little, that I knew scarcely anything of it. +But instead of acting thus, and being led by my ignorance of the word of +God to study it more, my difficulty in understanding it, and the little +enjoyment I had in it, made me careless of reading it (for much prayerful +reading of the Word, gives not merely more knowledge, but increases the +delight we have in reading it); and thus, like many believers, I +practically preferred, for the first four years of my divine life, the +works of uninspired men to the oracles of the living God. The consequence +was, that I remained a babe, both in knowledge and grace. In knowledge I +say; for all true knowledge must be derived, by the Spirit, from the Word. +And as I neglected the Word, I was for nearly four years so ignorant, that +I did not clearly know even the fundamental points of our holy faith. And +this lack of knowledge most sadly kept me back from walking steadily in +the ways of God. For it is the truth that makes us free, (John viii. 31, +32,) by delivering us from the slavery of the lusts of the flesh, the +lusts of the eyes, and the pride of life. The Word proves it. The +experience of the saints proves it; and also my own experience most +decidedly proves it. For when it pleased the Lord in Aug. 1829, to bring +me really to the Scriptures, my life and walk became very different. And +though even since that I have very much fallen short of what I might and +ought to be, yet, by the grace of God, I have been enabled to live much +nearer to Him than before. + +If any believers read this, who practically prefer other books to the +Holy Scriptures, and who enjoy the writings of men much more than the word +of God, may they be warned by my loss. I shall consider this book to have +been the means of doing much good, should it please the Lord, through its +instrumentality, to lead some of His people no longer to neglect the Holy +Scriptures, but to give them that preference, which they have hitherto +bestowed on the writings of men. My dislike to increase the number of +books would have been sufficient to deter me from writing these pages, had +I not been convinced, that this is the only way in which the brethren at +large may be benefited through my mistakes and errors, and been influenced +by the hope, that in answer to my prayers, the reading of my experience +may be the means of leading them to value the Scriptures more highly, and +to make them the rule of all their actions. + +Before I leave this subject I would only add: If the reader understands +very little of the word of God, he ought to read it very much; for the +Spirit explains the Word by the Word. And if he enjoys the reading of the +Word little, that is just the reason why he should read it much; for the +frequent reading of the Scriptures creates a delight in them, so that the +more we read them, the more we desire to do so. And if the reader should +be an unbeliever, I would likewise entreat him to read the Scriptures +earnestly, but to ask God previously to give him a blessing. For in doing +so, God may make him wise unto salvation, 2 Tim. iii. 16. + +If any one should ask me, how he may read the Scriptures most profitably, +I would advise him, that + +I. Above all he should seek to have it settled in his own mind, that God +alone, by His Spirit, can teach him, and that therefore, as God will be +inquired of for blessings, it becomes him to seek God's blessing previous +to reading, and also whilst reading. + +II. He should have it, moreover, settled in his mind, that although the +Holy Spirit is the best and sufficient teacher, yet that this teacher does +not always teach immediately when we desire it, and that, therefore, we +may have to entreat Him again and again for the explanation of certain +passages; but that He will surely teach us at last, if indeed we are +seeking for light prayerfully, patiently, and with a view to the glory of +God. + +III. It is of immense importance for the understanding of the word of +God, to read it in course, so that we may read every day a portion of the +Old and a portion of the New Testament, going on where we previously left +off. This is important--1, because it throws light upon the connexion, and +a different course, according to which one habitually selects particular +chapters, will make it utterly impossible ever to understand much of the +Scriptures. 2, Whilst we are in the body, we need a change even in +spiritual things, and this change the Lord has graciously provided in the +great variety which is to be found in His word. 3, It tends to the glory +of God; for the leaving out some chapters here and there, is practically +saying, that certain portions are better than others; or, that there are +certain parts of revealed truth unprofitable or unnecessary. 4, It may +keep us, by the blessing of God, from erroneous views, as in reading thus +regularly through the Scriptures, we are led to see the meaning of the +whole, and also kept from laying too much stress upon certain favourite +views. 5, The Scriptures contain the whole revealed will of God, and +therefore we ought to seek to read from time to time through the whole of +that revealed will. There are many believers, I fear, in our day, who have +not read even once through the whole of the Scriptures; and yet in a few +months, by reading only a few chapters every day, they might accomplish it. + +IV. It is also of the greatest importance to meditate on what we read, so +that perhaps a small portion of that which we have read, or, if we have +time, the whole may be meditated upon in the course of the day. Or a small +portion of a book, or an epistle, or a gospel, through which we go +regularly for meditation, may be considered every day, without, however, +suffering oneself to be brought into bondage by this plan. + +Learned commentaries I have found to store the head with many notions, +and often also with the truth of God; but when the Spirit teaches, through +the instrumentality of prayer and meditation, the heart is affected. The +former kind of knowledge generally puffs up, and is often renounced, when +another commentary gives a different opinion, and often also is found good +for nothing, when it is to be carried out into practice. The latter kind +of knowledge generally humbles, gives joy, leads us nearer to God, and is +not easily reasoned away; and having been obtained from God, and thus +having entered into the heart, and become our own, is also generally +carried out. If the inquirer after truth does not understand the Hebrew +and Greek languages, so as to be able to compare the common translation +with the original, he may, concerning several passages, get light by an +improved rendering, provided he can be sure that the translator was a +truly spiritual person. + +The last and most important means of, grace, namely, prayer, was +comparatively but little improved by me. I prayed, and I prayed often. I +also prayed, in general, by the grace of God, with sincerity; but had I +been more earnestly praying, or even only as much, as I have prayed of +late years, I should have made much more rapid progress. + +In August, 1827, I heard that the Continental Society in England intended +to send a minister to Bucharest, the residence of many nominal German +Christians, to help an aged brother in the work of the Lord; the two other +German Protestant ministers in that place being, the one a Socinian, and +the other an unenlightened orthodox preacher. After consideration and +prayer I offered myself for this work to professor Tholuck, who was +requested to look out for a suitable individual; for with all my weakness +I had a great desire to live wholly for God. Most unexpectedly my father +gave his consent, though Bucharest was above a thousand miles from my +home, and as completely a missionary station as any other. I considered +this a remarkable providence; though I see now, that a servant of Christ +has to act for his Master, whether it be according to the will of his +earthly father or not. I then went home to, spend a short time with my +father. In the town where he lived, containing about 3000 inhabitants, I +could not hear of a single believer, though I made many inquiries. The +time I stayed with my father was more profitably spent than it had +formerly been. I was enabled more than ever before to realize my high +calling. I had by the grace of God power over sin; at least much more than +at any former period of my life. + +I returned to Halle, and now prepared with earnestness for the work of +the Lord. I set before me the sufferings which might await me. I counted +the cost. And he, who once so fully-served Satan, was now willing, +constrained by the love of Christ, rather to suffer affliction for the +sake of Jesus, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season. I also +prayed with, a degree of earnestness concerning my future work. + +One day, at the end of October, the above-mentioned brother, Hermann +Ball, missionary to the Jews, attended the Lord's day evening meeting in +my room, on his way through Halle, and stated that he feared, on account +of his health, his should be obliged to give up labouring among the Jews. +When I heard this, I felt a peculiar desire to fill up his place. About +this very time also I became exceedingly fond of the Hebrew language, +which I had cared about very little up to that time, and which I had +merely studied now and then, from a sense of duty. But now I studied it, +for many weeks, with the greatest eagerness and delight. Whilst I thus +from time to time felt a desire to fill up Brother Ball's place as a +missionary to the Jews, (about which, however, I did not seriously think, +because Dr. Tholuck daily expected a letter from London, finally to settle +the particulars respecting my going to Bucharest); and whilst I thus +greatly delighted in the study of Hebrew: I called in the evening of Nov. +17th on Dr. Tholuck. In the course of conversation he asked me, whether I +had ever had a desire to be a missionary to the Jews, as I might be +connected with the London Missionary Society, for promoting Christianity +among them, for which he was an agent. I was struck with the question, and +told him what had passed in my mind, but added that it was not proper to +think anything about that, as I was going to Bucharest: to which he agreed. + +When I came home, however, these few words were like fire within me. The +next morning I felt all desire for going to Bucharest gone, which appeared +to me very wrong and fleshly, and I therefore entreated the Lord, to +restore to me the former desire for labouring on that missionary station. +He graciously did so almost immediately. My earnestness in studying +Hebrew, and my peculiar love for it, however, continued. About this time I +had an offer of becoming tutor to the sons of a pious Gentleman of title, +which I did not accept on account of my purpose of going to Bucharest, and +if that should come to nothing, on account of my desire of being a +missionary to the Jews. + +About ten days after, Dr. Tholuck received a letter from the Continental +Society, stating, that, on account of the war between the Turks and +Russians, it appeared well to the committee, for the time being to give up +the thought of sending a minister to Bucharest, as it was the seat of war +between the two armies. Dr. Tholuck then asked me again, what I now +thought about being a missionary to the Jews. My reply was, that I could +not then give an answer, but that I would let him know, after I had +prayerfully considered the matter. After prayer and consideration, and +consulting with experienced brethren, in order that they might probe my +heart as to my motives, I came to this conclusion, that, though I could +not say with certainty it was the will of God that I should be a +missionary to the Jews, yet, that I ought to offer myself to the +committee, leaving it with the Lord to do with me afterwards, as it might +seem good in His sight. Accordingly Dr. Tholuck wrote, about the beginning +of December, 1827, to the committee in London. + +At Christmas I spent a few days at Belleben, a village about fifteen +miles from Halle, where I had been once or twice before, both for the sake +of refreshing the few brethren living there, and also of having my own +spirit refreshed by their love. One evening, when I was expounding the +Scriptures to them, an unconverted young man happened to be present, and +it pleased the Lord to touch his heart, so that he was brought to the +knowledge of the truth. + +In the beginning of the year 1828 there was a new workhouse established +at Halle, into which persons of bad character were put for a time, and +made to work. Being disposed to benefit unbelievers, I heartily desired to +have permission statedly to preach the word of truth to them while I +stayed at Halle, particularly as I understood that one of the lecturers of +divinity in the university, who was a Socinian, had applied for this +living. I wrote to the magistrates of the city, and offered to preach to +those criminals gratuitously, hoping that in this way there would be less +objection to my doing so. The reply was, that Dr.--had applied for this +living, and that it had been laid before the provincial government for +consideration, but that they would be glad if I would preach in the +workhouse till the matter was decided. The decision did not come for some +time, and I had thus an opportunity of preaching twice every Lord's day, +and once or twice on the week evenings; and besides this I took the +criminals one by one into a room, to converse with them about their souls. +Thus the Lord condescended to give to one so unworthy, so ignorant, so +weak in grace, and so young in the faith and in years, a most important +field of labour. However, it was well, that even under these circumstances +I should have laboured there; for humanly speaking, had I not been there, +they would have had either no instruction at all, or a Socinian, or an +unenlightened preacher would have preached to them. And besides this, I +had at least some qualification for ministering there; for I knew the +state of those poor sinners, having been myself formerly, in all +probability, a great deal worse than most of them, and my simplicity and +plainness of speech they would not have found in every minister. After +some months the matter was decided, the Socinian lecturer of divinity, Dr. +--, was appointed to the living, and I had to discontinue my labours. + +It was not before March 1828, that Professor Tholuck received an answer +from London respecting me, in which the committee put a number of +questions to me, on the satisfactory answers to which my being received by +them would depend. After replying to this first communication, I waited +daily for an answer, and was so much the more desirous of having it, as my +course in the university was completed. But no answer came. Had my desire, +to serve the Lord among the Jews, been of the flesh, it would in all +likelihood not have continued; but I still thought about it, and continued +to make it a subject of prayer. At last, on June 13th, I received a letter +from London, stating that the committee had determined, to take me as a +missionary student for six months on probation, provided that I would come +to London. + +I had now had the matter before me about seven months, having supposed, +not only that it would have been settled in a few weeks, but also, that, +if I were accepted, I should be sent out immediately, as I had passed the +university. Instead of this, not only seven months passed over before the +decision came, but I was also expected to come to London, and not only so, +but, though I had from my infancy been more or less studying, and now at +last wished actively to be engaged, it was required that I should again +become a student. For a few moments, therefore, I was greatly disappointed +and tried. But, on calmly considering the matter, it appeared to me but +right that the committee should know me personally, and that it was also +well for me to know them more intimately than merely by correspondence, as +this afterwards would make our connexion much more comfortable. I +determined therefore, after I had seen my father, and found no difficulty +on his part, to go to London. + +There was, however, an obstacle in the way of my leaving the country. +Every Prussian male subject is under the necessity of being for three +years a soldier, provided his state of body allows it; but those who have +had a classical education up to a certain degree, and especially those who +have passed the university, need to be only one year in the army, but have +to equip and maintain themselves during that year. Now, as I had been +considered fit for service, when I was examined in my twentieth year, and +had only been put back, at my own request, till my twenty-third year, and +as I was now nearly twenty-three, I could not obtain a passport out of the +country, till I had either served, my time, or had been exempted by the +King himself. The latter I hoped would be the case; for it was a well +known fact that those who had given themselves to missionary service, had +been always exempted. Certain brethren of influence, living in the +capital, to whom I wrote on the subject, advised me, however, to write +first to the president of the government of the province to which I +belonged. This was done, but I was not exempted. Then those brethren wrote +to the King himself; but he replied, that the matter must be referred to +the ministry and to the law, and no exception was made in my favour. + +I now knew not what to do. In the meantime, at the beginning of August, I +was taken ill. It was a common cold at first, but I could not get rid of +it, as formerly. At last a skillful physician was consulted, and powerful +means were used. After some time, he prescribed tonics and wine. For a day +or two I seemed to get better, but after that it appeared, by the return +of giddiness in my head, that the tonics had been too soon resorted to. At +last, having used still other means, I seemed in a fit state for tonics, +and began again to take them. At the same time one of my friends, an +American Professor, took me as a companion with him to Berlin and other +places, so that we rode about the country for about ten days together. As +long as I was day after day in the open air, going from place to place, +drinking wine and taking tonics, I felt well; but as soon as I returned to +Hale, the old symptoms returned. A second time the tonics were given up, +and the former means used. + +About ten weeks had by this time passed away, since I was first taken +ill. This illness, in which a particular care for the body seemed to be so +right, and in which therefore frequent walks were taken, and in which I +thought myself justified in laying aside the study of Hebrew, &c., had not +at all a beneficial effect on my soul. In connexion with this one of my +chief companions at this time, the last-mentioned American Professor, was +a backslider. If the believing reader does not know much of his own heart +and of man's weakness, he will scarcely think it possible that, after I +had been borne with by the Lord so long, and had received so many mercies +at His hands, and had been so fully and freely pardoned through the blood +of Jesus, which I both knew from His word, and had also enjoyed; and after +that I had been in such various ways engaged in the work of the Lord; I +should have been once more guilty of great backsliding, and that at the +very time when the hand of God was lying heavily upon me. Oh! how +desperately wicked is the human heart. + +It was in this cold state of heart, that I rode with my friend to +Leipsic, at the time of the famous Michaelmas fair. He wished me to go +with him to the Opera. I went, but had not the least enjoyment. After the +first act I took a glass of ice for refreshment. After the second act I +was taken faint in consequence of this, my stomach being in a very weak +state; but I was well enough; after a while, to go to the hotel, where I +passed a tolerable night. On the next morning my friend ordered the +carriage for our return to Halle. This circumstance the Lord graciously +used as a means of arousing me; and on our way home, I freely opened my +mind to my friend about the way in which we had been going on; and he then +told me that he was in a different state of heart, when he left America. +He also told me, when I was taken faint, that he thought it was an awful +place to die in. This was the second and last time, since I have believed +in the Lord Jesus, that I was in a theatre; and but once, in the year +1827, I went to a concert, when I likewise felt, that it was unbecoming +for me, as a child of God, to be in such a place. On my return to Halle I +broke a blood-vessel in my stomach, in consequence of the glass of ice. I +was now exceedingly weak, in which state I continued far several weeks, +and then went for change of air into the country, to the house of a +beloved brother in the Lord, who, up to this day, has continued a kind and +faithful friend to me. My heart was now again in a better state than it +had been before the rupture of the blood-vessel, Thus the Lord, in the +faithful love of His heart, seeing that I was in a backsliding state, +chastised me for my profit; and the chastisement yielded, in a measure at +least, the peaceable fruit of righteousness. Heb. xii. 10, 11. + +Whilst I was staying in the country, I received a letter from the +American Professor, who had in the meantime changed Halle for Berlin, and +who wished me to come to Berlin, where, being near the Court, I should be +more likely to obtain an exemption from my military duty; and he +mentioned, at the same time, that all the expenses, connected with my +staying in Berlin, would be fully covered by the remuneration I should +receive for teaching German to himself and two of his friends, for a few +hours every week. As I had no more connexion with the university at Halle, +my course having been finished for more than six months past, and as I had +the prospect of being spiritually benefited through my stay in Berlin, and +there was no probability, if I remained at Halle, of obtaining the +above-mentioned exemption, I came to the conclusion to go to Berlin. + +Two ladies of title traveled with me to Berlin in a hired carriage. As I +knew that we should be for two days together, I thought, in my fleshly +wisdom, that though I ought to speak to them about the things of God, I +should first show them kindness and attention, and that, after having thus +opened a way to their hearts, I might fully set before them their state by +nature, and point them to the Lamb of God. We went on together most +amicably, I making only a few general remarks about divine things. On the +second evening, however, when we were near the end of our journey, I felt +that it was high time to speak. And no sooner had I begun plainly to do +so, than one of them replied, "Oh! Sir, I wish you had spoken sooner about +these things, for we have, for a long time, wished to have some one to +whom we might open our hearts; but seeing that the ministers whom we know +do not live consistently, we have been kept from speaking to them." I now +found that they had been under conviction of sin for some time, but did +not know the way to obtain peace, even by faith in the Lord Jesus. After +this I spoke freely to them during the hour that yet remained. They parted +from me under feelings of gratitude and regret that they could hear no +more, for they only passed through Berlin. I felt myself greatly reproved, +and all I could do was, by a long letter, to seek to make up for my +deficiency in ministering to them on the journey. May this circumstance +never be forgotten by me, and may it prove a blessing to the believing +reader. + +My chief concern now was how I might obtain a passport for England, +through exemption from military duty. But the more certain brethren tried, +though they knew how to set about the matter, and were also persons of +rank, the greater difficulty there appeared to be in obtaining my object; +so that in the middle of January 1829 it seemed as if I must immediately +become a soldier. There was now but one more way untried, and it was at +last resorted to. A believing major, who was on good terms with one of the +chief generals, proposed that I should actually offer myself for entering +the army, and that then I should be examined as to my bodily +qualifications, in the hope, that, as I was still in a very weak state of +body, I should be found unfit for military service. In that case it would +belong to the chief general finally to settle the matter; who, being a +godly man himself, on the major's recommendation would, no doubt, hasten +the decision, on account of my desire to be a missionary to the Jews. At +the same time it stood so, that, if I should be found fit for service, I +should have to enter the army immediately. + +Thus far the Lord had allowed things to go, to show me, it appears, that +all my friends could not procure me a passport till His time was come. But +now it was come. The King of kings had intended that I should go to +England, because He would bless me there, and make me a blessing, though I +was at that time, and am still most unworthy of it; and, therefore, though +the King of Prussia had not been pleased to make an exemption in my +favour, yet now all was made plain, and that at a time when hope had +almost been given up, and when the last means had been resorted to. I was +examined, and was declared to be unfit for military service. With a +medical certificate to this effect, and a letter of recommendation from +the major I went to this chief general, who received me very kindly and +who himself wrote instantaneously to a second military physician, likewise +to examine me at once. This was done, and it was by him confirmed that I +was unfit. Now the chief general himself, as his adjutants happened to be +absent, in order to hasten the matter, wrote with his own hands the papers +which were needed, and I got a complete dismissal, and that for life, from +all military engagements. This was much more than I could have expected. +This military gentleman spoke to me in a very kind way, and pointed out +certain parts of the Scriptures, which he in particular advised me to +bring before the Jews, especially Romans xi. + +On considering why the Lord delayed my obtaining this permission, I find +that one of the reasons may have been, that I might both be profited +myself by my stay in Berlin, and that I also might be instrumental in +benefiting others. As to the first, I would mention, that I learned a +lesson in Berlin which I did not know before. Whilst I was at Halle, I +thought I should much enjoy being among so many christians as there are in +Berlin. But when I was there I found, that enjoyment in the Lord does not +depend upon the multitude of believers, by whom we are surrounded. As to +the second point, perhaps the last day may show, that the Lord had some +work for me in Berlin: for, from the time of my coming until I left, I +preached three, four, or five times every week in the wards of a +poorhouse, which was inhabited by about three hundred aged and infirm +people. I also preached once in a church, and likewise visited one of the +prisons several times on Lord's days to converse with the prisoners about +their souls, where I was locked in by the keeper with the criminals in +their cells. + +On the whole my time in Berlin was not lost; and I was in a better state +of heart than I had been for any length of time before, I was not once +overcome by my former outward besetting sins, though I have nothing to +boast of even as it regards that period; and were only the sins of those +days brought against me, had I not the blood of Jesus to plead, I should +be most miserable. But I think it right to mention, for the glory of God, +as I have so freely spoken about my falls, that whilst I was more than +ever unobserved by others; and whilst I was living in the midst of more +gaiety and temptations than ever; and had far more money than at any +previous time of my life; I was kept from things of which I had been +habitually guilty in my unconverted days!--My health was in a very weak +state, almost the whole time whilst I was staying in Berlin, and was in no +degree better, till, on the advice of, a believing medical professor, I +gave up all medicine. + +Having now without any further difficulty obtained my passport, I left +Berlin on February 3rd, 1829, for London. The Lord gave me more grace on +my way from Berlin than on my way to it; for my mouth was almost +immediately opened to my fellow-travelers, and the message of the Gospel +seemed to be listened to with interest, particularly by one. On February +5th I arrived at my father's house; it was the place where I had lived as +a boy, and the scene of many of my sins, my father having now returned to +it after his retirement from office. I came to it with peculiar feelings. +These feelings were not excited merely by the fact of my having been seven +years absent from it, but arose from the spiritual change I had undergone +since I last saw the place; for I had never been at Heimersleben since my +father fetched me from thence, which was a few days after my imprisonment +at Wolfenbüttel had come to an end. There were but three persons in the +whole town with whom my soul had any fellowship. One of them had spent all +his money in coal mines, and was then earning his daily bread by thrashing +corn. As a boy I had in my heart laughed at him, for he seemed so +different from all other people. Now I sought him out, having previously +been informed that he was a believer, to acknowledge him as such, by +having fellowship with him, and attending, a meeting in his house on the +Lord's day evening. My soul was refreshed, and his also. Such a spiritual +feast, as meeting with a brother, was a rare thing to him. May we +believers who live in Great Britain, and especially those of us who are +surrounded by many children of God, seek for grace, more highly to prize +the blessings which, we enjoy through fellowship with brethren! This dear +brother, who had then been a believer for more than twenty years, had only +a few times heard the gospel preached during all that period. What a +wonderful thing that I, one of the vilest of those brought up in that +small town, should have been so abundantly favoured, as to have been +brought to the knowledge of the truth, whilst none of all my relations, +and scarcely one of those who grew up with me, so far as it has come to my +knowledge, know the Lord! + +I left my father's house on February 10th, with the prospect of seeing +him again in about a twelvemonth, as a missionary among the Jews. But how +has the Lord graciously altered matters!--I was kindly lodged for a +night at Halberstadt by an aged brother, and then proceeded towards +Rotterdam, by the way of Munster. At Munster I rested a few days, and was +very kindly received by several brethren. They were officers in the army, +and two of them had been, but a little while before this, Roman Catholics. +I lodged in the house of a beloved brother, a tailor, who likewise had +been a Roman Catholic. + +About February 22nd I arrived at Rotterdam. I took lodgings in the house +of a believer, where two German brethren lodged, whom I had known at +Halle, and who intended to go out as missionaries in connexion with the +Dutch Missionary Society. It was a peculiar feeling to me, for the first +time in my life to find myself among Christians of another nation, to +attend their family prayer, hear them sing, &c. In spirit I had fellowship +with them, though our communication was but broken, as I understood but +little of the Dutch language. Here also I heard for the first time the +preaching of the Gospel in English, of which I knew enough to understand a +part of what was said.--My going to England by the way of Rotterdam was +not the usual way; but consulting with a brother in Berlin, who had been +twice in England, I was told that this was the cheapest route. My asking +this brother, to be profited by his experience, would have been quite +right, had I, besides this, like Ezra, sought of the Lord the right way. +Ezra viii. 21. But I sought unto men only, and not at all unto the Lord, +in this matter. When I came to Rotterdam, I found that no vessels went at +that time from that port to London, on account of the ice having just +broken up in the river, and that it would be several weeks before the +steamers would again begin to ply. Thus I had to wait nearly a month at +Rotterdam, and, therefore, not only needed much more time than I should +have required to go by way of Hamburgh, but also much more money. + +On March 19th, 1829, I landed in London. I now found myself, in a great +measure, as it regards liberty, brought back to the years when I was at +school; yea, almost all the time I had been at school, and certainly for +the last four years, previous to my coming to England, I was not so much +bound to time and order as I was in this seminary; and had not there been +a degree of grace in me, yea, so much as not to regard the liberty of the +flesh, I should now probably have given up all idea of being a missionary +to the Jews. But as I did not see that anything was expected from me which +I could not conscientiously accede to, I thought it right to submit +myself, for the Lord's sake, to all the regulations of the institution. + + +My brethren in the seminary, most of them Germans, had instruction in +Hebrew, Latin, Greek, French, German, &c., scarcely any of them having had +a classical education; I read only Hebrew, and was exempted from all the +rest. I remember how I longed to be able to expound the Scriptures in +English, when I heard a German brother do so, a few days after my arrival. +And I also remember what joy it gave me, when a few weeks after, for the +first time, I spoke in English to a little boy, whom I met alone in the +fields, about his soul, thinking that he would bear with my broken +English.--I now studied much, about twelve hours a day, chiefly Hebrew; +commenced Chaldee; perfected myself in reading the German-Jewish in +Rabbinic characters, committed portions of the Hebrew Old Testament to +memory, &c.; and this I did with prayer, often falling on my knees, +leaving my books for a little, that I might seek the Lord's blessing, and +also, that I might be kept from that spiritual deadness, which is so +frequently the result of much study. I looked up to the Lord even whilst +turning over the leaves of my Hebrew dictionary, asking His help, that I +might quickly find the words. I made comparatively little progress in +English; for living with some of my countrymen, I was continually led to +converse in German. + +My experience in this particular leads me to remark, that, should this +fall into the hands of any who are desirous to labour as missionaries +among a people whose language is not their own, they should seek not +merely to live among them, for the sake of soon learning their language, +but also, as much as possible, to be separated from those who speak their +own language; for, when, some months after, I was in Devonshire, +completely separated from those who spoke German, I daily made much +progress, whilst I made comparatively little in London. + +Soon after my arrival in England, I heard one of the brethren in the +seminary speak about a Mr. Groves, a dentist in Exeter, who, for the +Lord's sake, had given up his profession, which brought him in about +fifteen hundred pounds a year, and who intended to go as a missionary to +Persia, with his wife and children, simply trusting in the Lord for +temporal supplies. This made such an impression on me, and delighted me +so, that I not only marked it down in my journal, but also wrote about it +to my German friends. + +I came to England weak in body, and in consequence of much study, as I +suppose, I was taken ill on May 15, and was soon, at least in my own +estimation, apparently, beyond recovery. The weaker I became in body, the +happier I was in spirit. Never in my whole life had I seen myself so vile, +so guilty, so altogether what I ought not to have been, as at this time. +It was as if every sin, of which I had been guilty, was brought to my +remembrance; but, at the same time, I could realize that all my sins were +completely forgiven that I was washed and made clean, completely clean, in +the blood of Jesus. The result of this was, great peace. I longed +exceedingly to depart and to be with Christ. When my medical attendant +came to see me, my prayer was something like this: "Lord, Thou knowest +that he does not know what is for my real welfare, therefore do Thou +direct him." When I took my medicine, my hearty prayer each time was +something like this: "Lord, Thou knowest that this medicine is in itself +nothing, no more than as if I were to take a little water. Now please, 0 +Lord, to let it produce the effect which is for my real welfare, and for +Thy glory. Let me either be taken soon to Thyself or let me be soon +restored; let me be ill for a longer time, and then taken to Thyself, or +let me be ill for a longer time, and then restored. 0 Lord, do with me as +seemeth Thee best!" One sin in particular was brought to my mind, which I +never had seen before, viz., that whilst all my life, even in former +sicknesses, I had been blessed with uninterrupted refreshing sleep, which +now, for some nights, had almost entirely fled from my eyes, I had never +heartily thanked God for it. + +After I had been ill about a fortnight, my medical attendant unexpectedly +pronounced me better. This, instead of giving me joy, bowed me down, so +great was my desire to be with the Lord; though almost immediately +afterwards grace was given me to submit myself to the will of God. After +some days I was able to leave my room. Whilst recovering I still continued +in a spiritual state of heart, desiring to depart and to be with Christ. +As I recovered but slowly, my friends entreated me to go into the country +for change of air; but my heart was in such a happy and spiritual frame, +that I did not like the thought of traveling and seeing places. So far was +I changed, who once had been so passionately fond of traveling. But as my +friends continued to advise me to go into the country, I thought at last +that it might be the will of God that I should do so, and I prayed +therefore thus to the Lord: "Lord, I will gladly submit myself to Thy +will, and go if Thou wilt have me to go. And now let me know Thy will by +the answer of my medical attendant. If, in reply to my question, he says +it would be very good for me, I will go; but if he says it is of no great +importance, then I will stay." When I asked him, he said that it was the +best thing I could do. I was then enabled willingly to submit, and +accordingly went to Teignmouth. It was there that I became acquainted with +my beloved brother, friend, and fellow-labourer, Henry Craik. + +A few days after my arrival at Teignmouth, the chapel, called Ebenezer, +was reopened, and I attended the opening. I was much impressed by one of +those who preached on the occasion. For though I did not like all he said, +yet I saw a gravity and solemnity in him different from the rest. After he +had preached, I had a great desire to know more of him; and being invited +by two brethren of Exmouth, in whose house he was staying, to spend some +time with them, I had an opportunity of living ten days with him under the +same roof. Through the instrumentality of this brother the Lord bestowed a +great blessing upon me, for which I shall have cause to thank Him +throughout eternity. + +I will mention some points which God then began to show me. + +1. That the word of God alone is our standard of judgment in spiritual +things; that it can be explained only by the Holy Spirit; and that in our +day, as well as in former times, He is the teacher of His people. The +office of the Holy Spirit I had not experimentally understood before that +time. Indeed, of the office of each of the blessed persons, in what is +commonly called the Trinity, I had no experimental apprehension. I had not +before seen from the Scriptures that the Father chose us before the +foundation of the world; that in Him that wonderful plan of our redemption +originated, and that He also appointed all the means by which it was to be +brought about. Further, that the Son, to save us, had fulfilled the law, +to satisfy its demands, and with it also the holiness of God; that He had +borne the punishment due to our sins, and had thus satisfied the justice +of God. And further, that the Holy Spirit alone can teach us about our +state by nature, show us the need of a Saviour, enable us to believe in +Christ, explain to us the Scriptures, help us in preaching, &c. It was my +beginning to understand this latter point in particular, which had a great +effect on me; for the Lord enabled me to put it to the test of experience, +by laying aside commentaries, and almost every other book, and simply +reading the word of God and studying it. The result of this was, that the +first evening that I shut myself into my room, to give myself to prayer +and meditation over the Scriptures, I learned more in a few hours than I +had done during a period of several months previously. But the particular +difference was, that I received real strength for my soul in doing so. I +now began to try by the test of the Scriptures the things which I had +learned and seen, and found that only those principles, which stood the +test, were really of value. + +2. Before this period I had been much opposed to the doctrines of +election, particular redemption, and final persevering grace; so much so +that, a few days after my arrival at Teignmouth, I called election a +devilish doctrine. I did not believe that I had brought myself to the +Lord, for that was too manifestly false; but yet I held, that I might have +resisted finally. And further, I knew nothing about the choice of God's +people, and did not believe that the child of God, when once made so, was +safe for ever. In my fleshly mind I had repeatedly said, If once I could +prove that I am a child of God for ever, I might go back into the world +for a year or two, and then return to the Lord, and at last be saved. But +now I was brought to examine these precious truths by the word of God. +Being made willing to have no glory of my own in the conversion of +sinners, but to consider myself merely as an instrument; and being made +willing to receive what the Scriptures said; I went to the Word, reading +the New Testament from the beginning, with a particular reference to these +truths. To my great astonishment I found that the passages which speak +decidedly for election and persevering grace, were about four times as +many as those which speak apparently against these truths; and even those +few, shortly after, when I had examined and understood them, served to +confirm me in the above doctrines. As to the effect which my belief in +these doctrines had on me, I am constrained to state, for God's glory, +that though I am still exceedingly weak, and by no means so dead to the +lusts of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, as I +might and as I ought to be, yet, by the grace of God, I have walked more +closely with Him since that period. My life has not been so variable, and +I may say that I have lived much more for God than before. And for this +have I been strengthened by the Lord, in a great measure, through the +instrumentality of these truths. For in the time of temptation, I have +been repeatedly led to say: Should I thus sin? I should only bring misery +into my soul for a time, and dishonour God; for, being a son of God for +ever, I should have to be brought back again, though it might be in the +way of severe chastisement. Thus, I say, the electing love of God in +Christ (when I have been able to realize it) has often been the means of +producing holiness, instead of leading me into sin. It is only the +notional apprehension of such truths, the want of having them in the +heart, whilst they are in the head, which is dangerous. + +3. Another truth, into which, in a measure, I was led during my stay in +Devonshire, respected the Lord's coming. My views concerning this point, +up to that time, had been completely vague and unscriptural. I had +believed what others told me, without trying it by the Word. I thought +that things were getting better and better, and that soon the whole world +would be converted. But now I found in the Word, that we have not the +least Scriptural warrant to look for the conversion of the world before +the return of our Lord. I found in the Scriptures, that that which will +usher in the glory of the church, and uninterrupted joy to the saints, is +the return of the Lord Jesus, and that, till then, things will be more or +less in confusion. I found in the Word, that the return of Jesus, and not +death, was the hope of the apostolic Christians; and that it became me, +therefore, to look for His appearing. And this truth entered so into my +heart, that, though I went into Devonshire exceedingly weak, scarcely +expecting that I should return again to London, yet I was immediately, on +seeing the truth, brought off from looking for death, and was made to look +for the return of the Lord. Having seen this truth, the Lord also +graciously enabled me to apply it, in some measure at least, to my own +heart, and to put the solemn question to myself--What may I do for the +Lord, before He returns, as He may soon come? + +4. In addition to these truths, it pleased the Lord to lead me to see a +higher standard of devotedness than I had seen before. He led me, in a +measure, to see what is my true glory in this world, even to be despised, +and to be poor and mean with Christ. I saw then, in a measure, though I +have seen it more fully since, that it ill becomes the servant to seek to +be rich, and great, and honoured in that world, where his Lord was poor, +and mean, and despised. + +I do not mean to say that all that which I believe at present concerning +these truths, and those which, in connexion with them, the Lord has shown +me since August 1829, were apprehended all at once; and much less did I +see them all at once with the same clearness, as, by the grace of God, I +do now; yet my stay in Devonshire was a most profitable time to my soul. +My prayer had been, before I left London, that the Lord would be pleased +to bless my journey to the benefit of my body and soul. This prayer was +answered in both respects; for in the beginning of September I returned to +London much better in body; and, as to my soul, the change was so great, +that it was like a second conversion. + +After my return to London, I sought to benefit my brethren in the +seminary, and the means which I used were these. I proposed to them to +meet together every morning from six to eight for prayer and reading the +Scriptures, and that then each of us should give out what he might +consider the Lord had shown him to be the meaning of the portion read. One +brother in particular was brought into the same state as myself; and +others, I trust, were more or less benefited. Several times, when I went +to my room after family prayer in the evening, I found communion with God +so sweet, that I continued in prayer till after twelve, and then, being +full of joy, went into the room of the brother just referred to; and, +finding him also in a similar frame of heart, we continued praying until +one or two and even then I was a few times so full, of joy, that I could +scarcely sleep, and at six in the morning again called the brethren +together for prayer. + +All this moreover did not leave me idle, as it regards actual engagements +in the Lord's work, as I will now show. After I had been for about ten +days in London, and had been confined to the house on account of my +studies, my health began again to decline; and I saw that it would not be +well, my poor body being only like a wreck or brand brought out of the +devil's service, to spend my little remaining strength in study, but that +I now ought to set about actual engagements in the Lord's work, +particularly as He had now given me more light about His truth, and also a +heart to serve Him. I consequently wrote to the committee of the Society, +requesting them to send me out at once, as they had now had an opportunity +of knowing me; and, that they might do so with more confidence, to send me +as a fellow-labourer to an experienced brother. However I received no +answer. + +After having waited about five or six weeks, in the meantime seeking in +one way or other to labour for the Lord, it struck me that I was wrong and +acting unscripturally, in waiting for the appointment to missionary work +from my fellow-men; but that, considering myself called by the Lord to +preach the gospel, I ought to begin at once to labour among the Jews in +London, whether I had the title of missionary or not. In consequence of +this I distributed tracts among the Jews, with my name and residence +written on them, thus inviting them to conversation about the things of +God; preached to them in those places where they most numerously collect +together; read the Scriptures regularly with about fifty Jewish boys; and +became a teacher in a Sunday school. In this work I had much enjoyment and +the honour of being reproached and ill-treated for the name of Jesus. But +the Lord gave me grace, never to be kept from the work by any danger, or +the prospect of any suffering. + +My light increased more and more during the months of September, October, +and November. At the end of November it became a point of solemn +consideration with me, whether I could remain connected with the Society +in the usual way. My chief objections were these: 1. If I were sent out by +the Society, it was more than probable, yea, almost needful, if I were to +leave England, that I should labour on the Continent, as I was unfit to be +sent to eastern countries on account of my health, which would probably +have suffered, both on account of the climate, and of my having to learn +other languages. Now, if I did go to the Continent, it was evident, that +without ordination I could not have any extensive field of usefulness, as +unordained ministers are generally prevented from labouring freely there; +but I could not conscientiously submit to be ordained by unconverted men, +professing to have power to set me apart for the ministry, or to +communicate something to me for this work which they do not possess +themselves. Besides this, I had other objections to being connected with +any state church or national religious establishment, which arose from the +increased light which I had obtained through the reception of this truth, +that the word of God is our only standard, and the Holy Spirit our only +teacher. For as I now began to compare what I knew of the establishment in +England and those on the Continent, with this only true standard, the word +of God, I found that all establishments, even because they are +establishments, i.e. the world and the church mixed up together, not only +contain in them the principles which necessarily must lead to departure +from the word of God; but also, as long as they remain establishments, +entirely preclude the acting throughout according to the Holy +Scriptures.--Then again, if I were to stay in England, the Society +would not allow me to preach in any place indiscriminately, where the +Lord might open a door for me; and to the ordination of English bishops +I had still greater objections, than to the ordination of a Prussian +Consistory. 2. I further had a conscientious objection against being +led and directed by men in my missionary labours. As a servant of Christ +it appeared to me, I ought to be guided by the Spirit, and not by men, +as to time and place; and this I would say, with all deference to others, +who may be much more taught and much more spiritually minded than myself. +A servant of Christ has but one Master. 3. I had love for the Jews, and +I had been enabled to give proofs of it; yet I could not conscientiously +say, as the committee would expect from me, that I would spend the greater +part of my time only among them. For the scriptural plan seemed to me, +that, in coming to a place, I should seek out the Jews, and commence my +labour particularly among them; but that, if they rejected the gospel, I +should go to the nominal Christians--The more I weighed these points, the +more it appeared to me that I should be acting hypocritically, were I to +suffer them to remain in my mind, without making them +known to the committee. + +The question that next occurred to me was, how I ought to act if not sent +out by the Society. With my views I could not return to Prussia; for I +must either refrain from preaching, or imprisonment would be the result. +The only plan that presented itself to me was, that I should go from place +to place throughout England, as the Lord might direct me, and give me +opportunity, preaching wherever I went, both among Jews and nominal +Christians. To this mode of service I was especially stirred up through +the recently received truth of the Lord's second coming, having it +impressed upon my heart to seek to warn sinners, and to stir up the +saints; as He might soon come. At the same time it appeared to me well, +that I should do this in connexion with the Society for promoting +Christianity among the Jews, serving them without any salary, provided +they would accept me on these conditions. An objection which came to my +mind against taking any step which might lead to the dissolution of my +connexion with the Society, namely, that I had been some expense to it, +and that thus I should appear ungrateful, and the money would seem to have +been thrown away, was easily removed in this way: + +1. When I engaged with the Society, I did it according to the light I +then had. 2. I have but one Master; His is the money, and to Him I have to +give an account. 3. Though I have nothing to boast of, but much reason to +be ashamed before God on account of my lack of service; yet, speaking +after the manner of men, in some measure I did work, not only in the +Lord's service, but even in that particular line for which the money had +been put into the hands of the committee. + +There remained now only one point more to be settled: + +How I should do for the future as it regarded the supply of my temporal +wants, which naturally would have been a great obstacle, especially as I +was not merely a foreigner, but spoke so little English, that whilst I was +greatly assisted in expounding the Scriptures, it was with difficulty I +could converse about common things. On this point, however, I had no +anxiety; for I considered, that, as long as I really sought to serve the +Lord, that is, as long as I sought the kingdom of God and His +righteousness, these my temporal supplies would be added to me. The Lord +most mercifully enabled me to take the promises of His word, and rest upon +them, and such as Matthew vii. 7, 8, John xiv. 13, 14, Matthew vi. 25-34, +were the stay of my soul concerning this point. In addition to this, the +example of brother Groves, the dentist before alluded to, who gave up his +profession, and went out as a missionary, was a great encouragement to me. +For the news, which by this time had arrived, of how the Lord had aided +him on his way to Petersburg, and at Petersburg, strengthened my faith. + +At last, on December 12, 1829, I came to the conclusion to dissolve my +connexion with the Society, if they would not accept my services under the +above conditions, and to go throughout the country preaching, (being +particularly constrained to do so from a desire to serve the Lord as much +as in me lay, BEFORE HIS RETURN), and to trust in Him for the supply of my +temporal wants. Yet at the same time it appeared well to me to wait a +month longer, and to consider the matter still further, before I wrote to +the committee, that I might be sure I had weighed it fully. + +On December 24th I went to the Church Missionary Institution at +Islington, in the hope of benefiting the students there, if it were the +Lord's will. I returned very happy, as I almost invariably was at that +time, and went to bed full of joy. Next morning, (being that of Christmas +day), I awoke in a very different state of heart from what I had +experienced for many weeks past. I had no enjoyment, and felt cold and +lifeless in prayer. At our usual morning meeting, however, one of the +brethren exhorted me to continue to pray, saying that the Lord surely +would again smile on me, though now for a season, for wise purposes, He +seemed to have withdrawn Himself. I did so. At the Lord's table, in the +morning, a measure of enjoyment returned. Afterwards I dined in a family, +in company with the brother just referred to. My former enjoyment +gradually returned. Towards evening the Lord gave me an opportunity of +speaking about His return, and I had great enjoyment in doing so. At eight +o'clock I was asked to expound at family prayer, and was much assisted by +the Lord. About half an hour after the exposition was over, I was +requested to come out of the room to see one of the servants, and the +mother of another of the servants, who had been present at family prayer. +I found them in tears, and both deeply impressed and under concern about +their souls. I then went home, at least as happy as on the previous +evening. I have related this circumstance, because I am aware that it is a +common temptation of Satan to make us give up the reading of the Word and +prayer when our enjoyment is gone; as if it were of no use to read the +Scriptures when we do not enjoy them, and as if it were of no use to pray +when we have no spirit of prayer; whilst the truth is, in order to enjoy +the Word, we ought to continue to read it, and the way to obtain a spirit +of prayer, is, to continue praying; for the less we read the word of God, +the less we desire to read it, and the less we pray, the less we desire to +pray. + +About the beginning of the next year my fellow students had a fortnight's +vacation, and as with them I had conformed myself to the order of the +Institution, I felt that I might also partake of their privileges; not +indeed to please the flesh, but to serve the Lord. On December 30th, I +therefore left London for Exmouth, where I intended to spend my vacation +in the house of my Christian friends, who had kindly lodged me the summer +before, that I might preach there during this fortnight, and still more +fully weigh the matter respecting my proposal to time Society. I arrived +at Exmouth on December 31st, at six in the evening, an hour before the +commencement of a prayer-meeting at Ebenezer Chapel. My heart was burning +with a desire to tell of the Lord's goodness to my soul, and to speak +forth what I considered might not be known to most with whom I met. Being, +however, not called on, either to speak or pray, I was silent. The next +morning I spoke on the difference between being a Christian and a happy +Christian, and showed, whence it generally comes, that we rejoice so +little in the Lord. This my first testimony was blessed to many believers, +that God, as it appears, might show me that He was with me. Among others +it proved a blessing to a Christian female, who had been for ten years in +bondage, and who, in the providence of God, had been brought from Exeter +to be present that morning. This she told me many months after, when I met +her on a journey. + +At the request of several believers I spoke again in the afternoon, and +also proposed a meeting in the chapel every morning at ten, to expound the +epistle to the Romans. I had also most days a meeting in a room with +several ladies, for reading the Scriptures with them. This I did that I +might make the best of my fortnight. The second day after my arrival, a +brother said to me: "I have been praying for this month past that the Lord +would do something for Lympstone, a large parish where there is little +spiritual light. There is a Wesleyan chapel, and I doubt not you would be +allowed to preach there." Being ready to speak of Jesus wherever the Lord +might open a door, yet so, that I could be faithful to the truths which he +had been pleased to teach me, I went, and easily obtained liberty to +preach twice on the next day, being the Lord's day. Besides this I +preached in another village near Exmouth; so that I spoke once, twice, or +three times in public or private meetings every day for the first ten or +twelve days, and that with great enjoyment to my own soul. + +During the first days of January, 1830, whilst at Exmouth, it became more +and more clear to me, that I could not be connected with the Society under +the usual conditions; and as I had an abundance of work where I was, and +little money to spend in traveling (for all I possessed was about five +pounds), it appeared best to me to write at once to the committee, that, +whilst they were coming to a decision respecting me, I might continue to +preach. I therefore wrote to them, stating what had been my views before I +became acquainted with them, and what they were now. I also stated my +difficulty in remaining, connected with them on the usual terms, as stated +in substance above; and then concluded, that as, however, I owed them +much, as having been instrumental in bringing me to England, where the +Lord had blessed me so abundantly: and as I, also, should like to obtain +from them the Hebrew Scriptures and tracts for the Jews: I would gladly +serve them without any salary, if they would allow me to labour in regard +to time and place as the Lord might direct me. Some time after I received +a very kind private letter from one of the secretaries, who always had +been very kind to me, together with the following official communication +from the committee. + +"London Society for promoting Christianity amongst the Jews." + +At a Meeting of the Missionary Sub-Committee, held January 27, 1830, +Society House, 10, Wardrobe Place, Doctors' Commons, a Letter was read +from Mr. G. F. Müller. + +"Resolved, That Mr. Müller be informed, that while the committee +cordially rejoice in any real progress in knowledge and grace which he may +have made under the teaching of the Holy Spirit, they, nevertheless, +consider it inexpedient for any society to employ those who are unwilling +to submit themselves to their guidance with respect to missionary +operations; and that while, therefore, Mr. Müller holds his present +opinions on that point, the committee cannot consider him as a missionary +student; but should more mature reflection cause him to alter that +opinion, they will readily enter into further communication with him." + +Thus my connexion with the Society was entirely dissolved. Fifty-two +years have passed away since, and I never have, even for one single +moment, regretted the step I took, but have to be sorry that I have been +so little grateful for the Lord's goodness to me in that matter. The +following part of the Narrative also will prove to the enlightened reader, +how God blessed my acting out the light He had been pleased to give me. +But I cannot leave this subject, without adding, that it is far from my +intention to throw any blame upon the Society. I have no wish to do so: +nay, I confess, were the last-mentioned circumstances not so intimately +connected with my being in England, I would rather have left out the +matter altogether. But being under the necessity of saying something about +my connexion with it, it appeared best to me to relate the circumstances +just as they were. Yet I do testify that I have not done it in the least +for the sake of injuring the Society; for I have received much kindness +from some of those connected with it, particularly from two worthy men, +then taking a prominent part in managing its affairs. If I be judged +differently, I can only say, "Judge nothing before the time, until the +Lord come." + +After I had preached about three weeks at Exmouth and its neighbourhood, +I went to Teignmouth, with the intention of staying there ten days, to +preach the Word among the brethren with whom I had become acquainted +during the previous summer, and thus to tell them of the Lord's goodness +to me. One of the brethren said almost immediately on my arrival at +Teignmouth, I wish you would become our minister, as the present one is +going to leave us. My answer was, I do not intend to be stationary in any +place, but to go through the country, preaching the Word as the Lord may +direct me. In the evening, Monday, I preached for brother Craik, at +Shaldon, in the presence of three ministers, none of whom liked the +sermon; yet it pleased God, through it, to bring to the knowledge of His +dear Son, a young woman who had been servant to one of these ministers, +and who had heard her master preach many times. How differently does the +Lord judge from man! Here was a particular opportunity for the Lord to get +glory to Himself. A foreigner was the preacher, with great natural +obstacles in the way, for he was not able to speak English with fluency; +but he had a desire to serve God, and was by this time also brought into +such a state of heart as to desire that God alone should have the glory, +if any good were done through his instrumentality. How often has it struck +me, both at that time and since, that His strength was made perfect in my +weakness. + +On Tuesday evening I preached at Ebenezer Chapel, Teignmouth, the same +chapel at the opening of which I became acquainted with the brother, whom +the Lord had afterwards used as an instrument of benefiting me so much. My +preaching was also disliked there by many of the hearers; but the Lord +opened the hearts of a few to receive the truth, and another young woman +was brought to the Lord through the instrumentality of the word then +preached. On Wednesday I preached again in the same chapel, and the word +was disliked still, perhaps more, though the few, who received the truth +in the love of it, increased in number. On Thursday I preached again at +Shaldon, and on Friday at Teignmouth. The effect was the same; dislike on +the one side, and joy and delight in the truth on the other. By this time +I began to reflect about the cause of this opposition; for the same +brethren who had treated me with much kindness the summer previous, when I +was less spiritually minded, and understood much less of the truth, now +seemed to oppose me, and I could not explain it in any other way than +this, that the Lord intended to work through my instrumentality at +Teignmouth, and that therefore Satan, fearing this, sought to raise +opposition against me. + +On the Lord's day I dined with a brother, whose heart the Lord +had opened to receive me as a servant of Christ. After dinner I +talked to a young woman, his servant, at the request of her sister, who on +the Tuesday previous had been convinced of sin, and on the Friday brought +to enjoy peace in the Lord. This young woman also was, through the +instrumentality of this conversation, brought to see her sinful state, +though she could not rejoice in the Lord until about seven months after. +How differently the Lord dealt with her sister, and yet the work of grace +was as real in the one as in the other, as I had full opportunity of +seeing afterwards! On this same Lord's day I preached twice at Teignmouth, +and once at Shaldon; for so precious did every opportunity seem to me, and +so powerfully did I feel the importance of those precious truths, which I +had so recently been led to see, that I longed to be instrumental in +communicating them to others. + +By this time the request, that I might stay at Teignmouth, and be the +minister of the above chapel, had been repeatedly expressed by an +increasing number of the brethren; but others were decidedly against my +remaining there. This opposition was instrumental in settling it in my +mind that I should stay for awhile, at least until I was formally +rejected. In consequence of this conclusion I took the following step, +which, it may be, I should not repeat under similar circumstances, but +which was certainly taken in love to those who were concerned in the +matter, and for the glory of God, as far as I then had light. + +On the Tuesday following, after preaching, I told the brethren how, in +the providence of God, I had been brought to them without the least +intention of staying among them, but that, on finding them without a +minister, I had been led to see it to be the will of God to remain with +them. I also told them, as far as I remember, that I was aware of the +opposition of some, but that I nevertheless intended to preach to them +till they rejected me; and if they should say, I might preach, but they +would give me no salary, that would make no difference on my part, as I +did not preach for the sake of money; but I told them, at the same time, +that it was an honour, to be allowed to supply the temporal wants of any +of the servants of Christ. The latter point I added, as it seemed right to +me, to give out the whole counsel of God, as far as I knew it. On the next +day, Wednesday, I left, and having preached in two or three places near +Exmouth, and taken leave of my friends there, I returned to Teignmouth. + +Here I preached again three times on the Lord's day, none saying we wish +you not to preach, though many of the hearers did not hear with enjoyment. +Some of them left, and never returned; some left, but returned after +awhile. Others came to the chapel, who had not been in the habit of +attending there previous to my coming. There was sufficient proof that the +work of God was going on, for there were those who were glad to hear what +I preached, overlooking the infirmities of the foreigner, delighting in +the food for their souls, without caring much about the form in which the +truth was set before them; and these were not less spiritual than the +rest: and there were those who objected decidedly; some, however, +manifesting merely the weakness of brethren, and others the bitterness of +the opposers of the cross. There was, in addition to this, a great stir, a +spirit of inquiry, and a searching of the Scriptures, whether these things +were so. And what is more than all, God set His seal upon the work, in +converting sinners. Twelve weeks I stood in this same position, whilst the +Lord graciously supplied my temporal wants, through two brethren, unasked +for. After this time, the whole little church, eighteen in number, +unanimously gave me an invitation to become their pastor. My answer to +them was, that their invitation did not show me more than I had seen +before, that it was the will of God that I should remain with them, yet +that for their sakes I could not but rejoice in this invitation, as it was +a proof to me that God had blessed them through my instrumentality, in +making them thus of one mind. I also expressly stated to the brethren, +that I should only stay so long with them, as I saw it clearly to be the +will of the Lord; for I had not given up my intention of going from place +to place, if the Lord would allow me to do so. The brethren, at the same +time, now offered to supply my temporal wants, by giving me £55. a year, +which sum was afterwards somewhat increased, on account of the increase of +the church. + +I now had Teignmouth for my residence, but I did not confine my labours +to this place; for I preached regularly once a week in Exeter, once a +fortnight at Topsham, sometimes at Shaldon, often at Exmouth, sometimes in +the above-mentioned villages near Exmouth, regularly once a week at +Bishopsteignton, where a part of the church lived, and afterwards +repeatedly at Chudleigh, Collumpton, Newton Bushel, and elsewhere. + +That which I now considered the best mode of preparation for the public +ministry of the Word, no longer adopted from necessity, on account of want +of time, but from deep conviction, and from the experience of God's +blessing upon it, both as it regards my own enjoyment, the benefit of the +saints, and the conversion of sinners, is as follows:--1. I do not presume +to know myself what is best for the hearers, and I therefore ask the Lord +in the first place, that He would graciously be pleased to teach me on +what subject I shall speak, or what portion of His word I shall expound. +Now sometimes it happens, that previous to my asking Him, a subject or +passage has been in my mind, on which it has appeared well for me to +speak. In that case I ask the Lord, whether I should speak on this subject +or passage. If, after prayer, I feel persuaded that I should I fix upon +it, yet so, that I would desire to leave myself open to the Lord to change +it, if He please. Frequently, however, it occurs, that I have no text or +subject in my mind, before I give myself to prayer for the sake of +ascertaining the Lord's will concerning it. In this case I wait some time +on my knees for an answer, trying to listen to the voice of the Spirit to +direct me. If then a passage or subject, whilst I am on my knees, or after +I have finished praying for a text, is brought to my mind, I again ask the +Lord, and that sometimes repeatedly, especially if, humanly speaking, the +subject or text should be a peculiar one, whether it be His will that I +should speak on such a subject or passage. If after prayer my mind is +peaceful about it, I take this to be the text, but still desire to leave +myself open to the Lord for direction, should He please to alter it, or +should I have been mistaken. Frequently also, in the third place, it +happens, that I not only have no text nor subject on my mind previous to +my praying for guidance in this matter, but also I do not obtain one after +once, or twice, or more times praying about it. I used formerly at times +to be much perplexed, when this was the case, but for more than forty-five +years it has pleased the Lord, in general at least, to keep me in peace +about it. What I do is, to go on with my regular reading of the +Scriptures, where I left off the last time, praying (whilst I read) for a +text, now and then also laying aside my bible for prayer, till I get one. +Thus it has happened, that I have had to read five, ten; yea twenty +chapters, before it has pleased the Lord to give me a text: yea, many +times I have even had to go to the place of meeting without one, and +obtained it perhaps only a few minutes before I was going to speak; but I +have never lacked the Lord's assistance at the time of preaching, provided +I had earnestly sought it in private. The preacher cannot know the +particular state of the various individuals who compose the congregation, +nor what they require, but the Lord knows it; and if the preacher +renounces his own wisdom, he will be assisted by the Lord; but if he will +choose in his own wisdom, then let him not be surprised if he should see +little benefit result from his labours. + +Before I leave this part of the subject, I would just observe one +temptation concerning the choice of a text. We may see a subject to be so +very full, that it may strike us it would do for some other occasion. For +instance, sometimes a text, brought to one's mind for a week-evening +meeting, may appear more suitable for the Lord's day, because then there +would be a greater number of hearers present. Now, in the first place, we +do not know whether the Lord ever will allow us to preach on another +Lord's day; and, in the second place, we know not whether that very +subject may not be especially suitable for some or many individuals +present just that week-evening. Thus I was once tempted, after I had been +a short time at Teignmouth, to reserve a subject, which had been just +opened to me, for the next Lord's day. But being able, by the grace of +God, to overcome the temptation by the above reasons, and preaching about +it at once, it pleased the Lord to bless it to the conversion of a sinner, +and that too an individual who meant to come but that once more to the +chapel, and to whose case the subject was most remarkably suited. + +2. Now when the text has been obtained in the above way, whether it be +one or two or more verses, or a whole chapter or more, I ask the Lord that +He would graciously be pleased to teach me by His Holy Spirit, whilst +meditating over it. Within the last fifty years, I have found it the most +profitable plan to meditate with my pen in my hand, writing down the +outlines, as the Word is opened to me. This I do, not for the sake of +committing them to memory, nor as if I meant to say nothing else, but for +the sake of clearness, as being a help to see how far I understand the +passage. I also find it useful afterwards to refer to what I have thus +written. I very seldom use any other help besides the little I understand +of the original of the Scriptures, and some good translations in other +languages. My chief help is prayer. I have NEVER in my life begun to study +one single part of divine truth, without gaining some light about it, when +I have been able really to give myself to prayer and meditation over it. +But that I have often found a difficult matter, partly on account of the +weakness of the flesh, and partly also on account of bodily infirmities +and multiplicity of engagements. This I most firmly believe, that no one +ought to expect to see much good resulting from his labours in word and +doctrine, if he is not much given to prayer and meditation. + +3. Having prayed and meditated on the subject or text, I desire to leave +myself entirely in the hands of the Lord. I ask Him to bring to my mind +what I have seen in my room, concerning the subject I am going to speak +on, which He generally most kindly does, and often teaches me much +additionally, whilst I am preaching. + +In connection with the above, I must, however, state, that it appears to +me there is a preparation for the public ministry of the Word, which is +even more excellent than the one spoken of. It is this: to live in such +constant and real communion with the Lord, and to be so habitually and +frequently in meditation over the truth, that without the above effort, so +to speak, we have obtained food for others, and know the mind of the Lord +as to the subject or the portion of the Word on which we should speak. But +this I have only in a small measure experienced, though I desire to be +brought into such a state, that habitually "out of my belly may flow +rivers of living water." + +That which I have found most beneficial in my experience for the last +fifty-one years in the public ministry of the Word, is, expounding the +Scriptures, and especially the going now and then through a whole gospel +or epistle. This may be done in a two-fold way, either by entering +minutely into the bearing of every point occurring in the portion, or by +giving the general outlines, and thus leading the hearers to see the +meaning and connexion of the whole. The benefits which I have seen +resulting from expounding the Scriptures are these: 1. The hearers are +thus, with God's blessing, led to the Scriptures. They find, as it were, a +practical use of them in the public meetings. This induces them to bring +their bibles, and I have observed that those who at first did not bring +them, have afterwards been induced to do so: so that in a short time few, +of the believers at least, were in the habit of coming without them. This +is no small matter; for every thing, which in our day will lead believers +to value the Scriptures, is of importance. 2. The expounding of the +Scriptures is in general more beneficial to the hearers than if, on a +single verse, or half a verse, or two or three words of a verse some +remarks are made, so that the portion of Scripture is scarcely anything +but a motto for the subject; for few have grace to meditate much over the +Word, and thus exposition may not merely be the means of opening up to +them the Scriptures, but may also create in them a desire to meditate for +themselves. 3. The expounding of the Scriptures leaves to the hearers a +connecting link, so that the reading over again the portion of the Word, +which has been expounded, brings to their remembrance what has been said; +and thus, with God's blessing, leaves a more lasting impression on their +minds. This is particularly of importance as it regards the illiterate, +who sometimes have neither much strength of memory nor capacity of +comprehension. 4. The expounding of large portions of the Word, as the +whole of a gospel or an epistle, besides leading the hearer to see the +connexion of the whole, has also this particular benefit for the teacher, +that it leads him, with God's blessing, to the consideration of portions +of the Word, which otherwise he might not have considered, and keeps him +from speaking too much on favourite subjects, and leaning too much to +particular parts of truth, which tendency must surely sooner or later +injure both himself and his hearers.--Expounding the word of God brings +little honour to the preacher from the unenlightened or careless hearer, +but it tends much to the benefit of the hearers in general. + +Simplicity in expression, whilst the truth is set forth, is, in connexion +with what has been said, of the utmost importance. It should be the aim of +the teacher to speak so, that children, servants, and people who cannot +read, may be able to understand him, so far as the natural mind can +comprehend the things of God. It ought also to be remembered, that there +is, perhaps, not a single congregation in which there are not persons of +the above classes present, and that if they can understand, the +well-educated or literary persons will understand likewise; but the +reverse does not hold good. It ought further to be remembered that the +expounder of the truth of God speaks for God, for eternity, and that it +is not in the least likely that he will benefit the hearers, except he +uses plainness of speech, which nevertheless needs not to be vulgar or +rude. It should also be considered, that if the preacher strive to speak +according to the rules of this world, he may please many, Particularly +those who have a literary taste; but, in the same proportion, he is +less likely to become an instrument in the hands of God for the conversion +of sinners, or for the building up of the saints. For neither eloquence +nor depth of thought make the truly great preacher, but such a life of +prayer and meditation and spirituality, as may render him a vessel meet +for the Master's use, and fit to be employed both in the conversion of +sinners and in the edification of the saints. + +About the beginning of April I went to preach at Sidmouth. While I was +staying there, three sisters in the Lord had, in my presence, a +conversation about baptism, one of whom had been baptized after she had +believed. When they had conversed a little on the subject, I was asked to +give my opinion concerning it. My reply was, "I do not think, that I need +to be baptized again." I was then asked by the sister who bad been +baptized, "But have you been baptized?" I answered, "Yes, when I was a +child." She then replied, "Have you ever read the Scriptures, and prayed +with reference to this subject?" I answered, "No." "Then," she said, "I +entreat you, never to speak any more about it till you have done so." It +pleased the Lord to show me the importance of this remark; for whilst at +that very time I was exhorting every one to receive nothing which could +not be proved by the word of God, I had repeatedly spoken against +believers' baptism, without having ever earnestly examined the Scriptures, +or prayed concerning it; and now I determined, if God would help me, to +examine that subject also, and if infant baptism were found to be +scriptural, I would earnestly defend it; and if believers' baptism were +right, I would as strenuously defend that, and be baptized. + +As soon as I had time, I set about examining the subject. The mode I +adopted was as follows: I repeatedly asked God to teach me concerning it, +and I read the New Testament from the beginning, with a particular +reference to this point. But now, when I earnestly set about the matter, a +number of objections presented themselves to my mind. + +1. Since many holy and enlightened men have been divided in opinion +concerning this point, does this not prove, that it is not to be expected +we should come to a satisfactory conclusion about this question in the +present imperfect state of the church?--This question was thus removed: If +this ordinance is revealed in the Bible, why may I not know it, as the +Holy Spirit is the teacher in the church of Christ now as well as +formerly? 2. There have been but few of my friends baptized, and the +greater part of them are opposed to believers' baptism, and they will turn +their backs on me. Answer: Though all men should forsake me, if the Lord +Jesus takes me up, I shall be happy. 3. You will be sure to lose one half +of your income if you are baptized. Answer: As long as I desire to be +faithful to the Lord, He will not suffer me to want. 4. People will call +you a baptist, and you will be reckoned among that body, and you cannot +approve of all that is going on among them. Answer: It does not follow +that I must in all points go along with all those who hold believers' +baptism, although I should be baptized. 5. You have been preaching for +some years, and you will have thus publicly to confess, that you have been +in an error, should you be led to see that believers' baptism is right. +Answer: It is much better to confess that I have been in error concerning +that point than to continue in it. 6. Even if believers' baptism should be +right, yet it is now too late to attend to it, as you ought to have been +baptized immediately on believing. Answer: It is better to fulfill a +commandment of the Lord Jesus ever so late, than to continue in the +neglect of it. + +It had pleased God, in his abundant mercy, to bring my mind into such a +state, that I was willing to carry out into my life whatever I should find +in the Scriptures concerning this ordinance, either the one way or the +other. I could say, "I will do His will," and it was on that account, I +believe, that I soon saw which "doctrine is of God," whether infant +baptism or believers' baptism. And I would observe here, by the way, that +the passage to which I have just now alluded, John vii. 17, has been a +most remarkable comment to me on many doctrines and precepts of our most +holy faith. For instance: "Resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee +on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue +thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And +whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him +that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou +away. Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that +hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute +you." Matthew v. 39-44. "Sell that ye have, and give alms." Luke xii. 33. +"Owe no man any thing, but to love one another." Rom. xiii. 8. It may be +said, surely these passages cannot be taken literally, for how then would +the people of God be able to pass through the world. The state of mind +enjoined in John vii. 17, will cause such objections to vanish. Whosoever +is WILLING To ACT OUT these commandments of the Lord LITERALLY, will, I +believe, be led with me to see that, to take them LITERALLY, is the will +of God.--Those who do so take them will doubtless often be brought into +difficulties, hard to the flesh to bear, but these will have a tendency to +make them constantly feel that they are strangers and pilgrims here, that +this world is not their home, and thus to throw them more upon God, who +will assuredly help us through any difficulty into which we may be brought +by seeking to act in obedience to His word. + +As soon as I was brought into this state of heart, I saw from the +Scriptures that believers ONLY are the proper subjects for baptism, and +that immersion is the only true Scriptural mode, in which it ought to be +attended to. The passage which particularly convinced me of the former, is +Acts viii. 36-38, and of the latter, Rom. vi. 3-5. Some time after, I was +baptized. I had much peace in doing so, and never have I for one single +moment regretted it.--Before I leave this point, I would just say a few +words concerning the result of this matter, so far as it regards some of +the objections which occurred to my mind when I was about to examine the +Scriptures concerning baptism. + +1. Concerning the first objection, my conviction now is, that of all +revealed truths not on is more clearly revealed in the Scriptures, not +even the doctrine of justification by faith, and that the subject has only +become obscured by men not having been willing to take the Scriptures +alone to decide the point. + +2. Not one of my true friends in the Lord has turned his back on me, as I +supposed, and almost all of them have been themselves baptized since. + +3. Though in one way I lost money in consequence of being baptized, yet +the Lord did not suffer me to be really a loser, even as it regards +temporal things; for He made up the loss most bountifully. In conclusion, +my example has been the means of leading many to examine the question of +baptism, and to submit, from conviction, to this ordinance and seeing this +truth I have been led to speak on it as well as on other truths; and +during the forty-five years that I have now resided in Bristol, more than +three thousand believers have been baptized among us. + +In June of this year (1830) I went to preach at the opening of a chapel +in a village near Barnstaple, built by that blessed man of God, Thomas +Pugsley, now with the Lord. It pleased God to bring two souls to Himself +through this my visit, and one more was converted on another visit. So +graciously did the Lord condescend to use me, that almost everywhere He +blessed the Word which I preached, thereby testifying that He had sent me, +and thereby also getting glory to Himself in using such an instrument. It +was so usual for me to preach with particular assistance, especially +during the first months of this year, that once, when it was otherwise, it +was much noticed by myself and others. The circumstance was this. One day, +before preaching at Teignmouth, I had more time than usual, and therefore +prayed and meditated about six hours, in preparation for the evening +meeting, and I thought I saw many precious truths in the passage on which +I had meditated. It was the first part of the first chapter of the epistle +to the Ephesians. After I had spoken a little time, I felt that I spoke in +my own strength, and I, being a foreigner, felt particularly the want of +words, which had not been the case before. I told the brethren, that I +felt I was left to myself, and asked their prayers. But after having +continued a little longer, and feeling the same as before, I closed, and +proposed that we should have a meeting for prayer, that the Lord still +might be pleased to help me. We did so, and I was particularly assisted +the next time. + +During this summer also it appeared to me scriptural, according to the +example of the Apostles, Acts xx. 7, to break bread every Lord's day, +though there is no commandment given to do so, either by the Lord, or by +the Holy Ghost through the Apostles. And at the same time it appeared to +me scriptural, according to Eph. iv., Rom. xii., &c., that there should be +given room for the Holy Ghost to work through any of the brethren whom He +pleased to use; that thus one member might benefit the other with the gift +which the Lord has bestowed upon him. Accordingly at certain meetings any +of the brethren had an opportunity to exhort or teach the rest, if they +considered that they had any thing to say which might be beneficial to the +hearers.--I observe here, that, as the Lord gave me grace to endeavour at +once to carry out the light which He had been pleased to give me on this +point, and as the truth was but in part apprehended, there was much +infirmity mixed with the manner of carrying it out. Nor was it until +several years after that the Lord was pleased to teach me about this point +more perfectly. That the disciples of Jesus should meet together, on the +first day of the week, for the breaking of bread, and that that should be +their principal meeting, and that those, whether one or several, who are +truly gifted by the Holy Spirit for service, be it for exhortation, or +teaching, or rule, &c., are responsible to the Lord for the exercise of +their gifts: these are to me no matters of uncertainty, but points on +which my soul, by grace, is established, through the revealed will of God. + +On October 7th, 1830, I was united by marriage to Miss Mary Groves, +sister of the brother whose name has already been mentioned. This step was +taken after prayer and deliberation, from a full conviction that it was +better for me to be married: and I have never regretted since, either the +step itself or the choice, but desire to be truly grateful to God for +having given me such a wife. + +About this time I began to have conscientious objections against any +longer receiving a stated salary. My reasons against it were these:-- + +1. The salary was made up by pew-rents; but pew-rents are, according to +James ii. 1-6, against the mind of the Lord, as, in general, the poor +brother cannot have so good a seat as the rich. (All pew-rents were +therefore given up, and all the seats made free, which was stated at the +entrance of the chapel). 2. A brother may gladly do something towards my +support if left to his own time; but when the quarter is up, he has +perhaps other expenses, and I do not know, whether he pays his money +grudgingly, and of necessity, or cheerfully; but God loveth a cheerful +giver. Nay, I knew it to be a fact, that sometimes it had not been +convenient to individuals to pay the money, when it had been asked for by +the brethren who collected it. 3. Though the Lord had been pleased to give +me grace to be faithful, so that I had been enabled not to keep back the +truth, when He had shown it to me; still I felt that the pew-rents were a +snare to the servant of Christ. It was a temptation to me, at least for a +few minutes, at the time when the Lord had stirred me up to pray and +search the Word respecting the ordinance of baptism, because £30. of my +salary was at stake, if I should be baptized. + +For these reasons I stated to the brethren, at the end of October, 1830, +that I should for the future give up having any regular salary. After I +had given my reasons for doing so, I read Philippians iv., and told the +saints, that if they still had a desire to do something towards my +support, by voluntary gifts, I had no objection to receive them, though +ever so small, either in money or provisions. A few days after it appeared +to me, that there was a better way still; for if I received personally +every single gift, offered in money, both my own time and that of the +donors would be much taken up; and in this way also the poor might, +through temptation, be kept from offering their pence, a privilege of +which they ought not to be deprived; and some also might in this way give +more than if it were not known who was the giver; so that it would still +be doubtful whether the gifts were given grudgingly or cheerfully. For +these reasons especially, there was a box put up in the chapel, over which +was written, that whoever had a desire to do something towards my support, +might put his offering into the box. + +At the same time it appeared to me right, that henceforth I should ask no +man, not even my beloved brethren and sisters, to help me, as I had done a +few times according to their own request, as my expenses, on account of +traveling much in the Lord's service, were too great to be met by my usual +income. For unconsciously I had thus again been led, in some measure, to +trust in an arm of flesh; going to man, instead of going to the Lord at +once. To come to this conclusion before God, required more grace than to +give up my salary. + +About the same time also my wife and I had grace given to us to take the +Lord's commandment, "Sell that ye have, and give alms," Luke xii. 33, +literally, and to carry it out. Our staff and support in this matter were +Matthew vi. 19-34, John xiv. 13, 14. We leaned on the arm of the Lord +Jesus. It is now fifty-one years, since we set out in this way, and we do +not in the least regret the step we then took. Our God also has, in His +tender mercy, given us grace to abide in the same mind concerning the +above points, both as it regards principle and practice; and this has been +the means of letting us see the tender love and care of our God over His +children, even in the most minute things, in a way in which we never +experimentally knew them before; and it has, in particular, made the Lord +known to us more fully than we knew Him before, as a prayer hearing God. +As I have written down how the Lord has been pleased to deal with us +since, I shall be able to relate some facts concerning this matter, as far +as they may tend to edification. + +Extracts from my Journal. + +Nov. 18th, 1830.--Our money was reduced to about eight shillings. When I +was praying with my wife in the morning, the Lord brought to my mind the +state of our purse, and I was led to ask Him for some money. About four +hours after, we were with a sister at Bishopsteignton, and she said to +me, "Do you want any money?" "I told the brethren," said I, "dear sister, +when I gave up my salary, that I would for the future tell the Lord only +about my wants." She replied, "But He has told me to give you some money. +About a fortnight ago I asked Him, what I should do for Him, and He told +me to give you some money; and last Saturday it came again powerfully to +my mind, and has not left me since, and I felt it so forcibly last night, +that I could not help speaking of it to Brother P." My heart rejoiced, +seeing the Lord's faithfulness, but I thought it better not to tell her +about our circumstances, lest she should be influenced to give +accordingly; and I also was assured, that, if it were of the Lord, she +could not but give. I therefore turned the conversation to other subjects, +but when I left she gave me two guineas. We were full of joy on account of +the goodness of the Lord.--I would call upon the reader to admire the +gentleness of the Lord, that He did not try our faith much at the +commencement, but gave us first encouragement, and allowed us to see His +willingness to help us, before He was pleased to try it more fully. + +The next Wednesday I went to Exmouth, our money having then again been +reduced to about nine shillings. I asked the Lord on Thursday, when at +Exmouth, to be pleased to give me some money. On Friday morning, about +eight o'clock, whilst in prayer, I was particularly led to ask again for +money; and before I rose from my knees I had the fullest assurance, that +we should have the answer that very day. About nine o'clock I left the +brother with whom I was staying, and he gave me half a sovereign, saying, +"Take this for the expenses connected with your coming to us." I did not +expect to have my expenses paid, but I saw the Lord's fatherly hand in +sending me this money within one hour after my asking Him for some. But +even then I was so fully assured that the Lord would send more that very +day, or had done so already, that, when I came home about twelve o'clock, +I asked my wife whether she had received any letters. She told me she had +received one the day before from a brother in Exeter, with three +sovereigns. Thus even my prayer on the preceding day had been answered. +The next day one of the brethren came and brought me £4., which was due to +me of my former salary, but which I could never have expected, as I did +not even know that this sum was due to me. Thus I received, within thirty +hours, in answer to prayer, £7. 10s. + +In the commencement of December I went to Collumpton, where I preached +several times, and likewise in a neighbouring village. In driving home +from the village late at night, our driver lost his way. As soon as we +found out our mistake, being then near a house, it struck me that the hand +of God was in this matter; and having awakened the people of the house, I +offered a man something if he would be kind enough to bring us into the +right road. I now walked with the man before the gig, and conversed with +him about the things of God, and soon found out that he was an awful +backslider. May God, in mercy, bless the word spoken to him, and may we +learn from this circumstance, that we have to ask on such occasions, why +the Lord has allowed such and such things to happen to us.--Since the +publication of the first edition, one day, about eight years after this +circumstance had happened, the individual who drove me that night +introduced himself to me as a believer, and told me that on that evening +he received his first impressions under the preaching of the Word. The +missing of the right road may have been connected with his state of mind. +May I and my fellow-labourers in the Gospel be encouraged by this, +patiently to continue to sow the seed, though only after eight years or +more we should see the fruit of it. I only add, that up to that time, the +individual had been a very dissipated young man, who caused his believing +parents very much grief. Their love led them to convey me and my wife to +this village and back again, and truly the Lord gave them a reward in +doing so. + +Between Christmas and the new year, when our money was reduced to a few +shillings, I asked the Lord for more; when a few hours after there was +given to us a sovereign by a brother from Axminster. This brother had +heard much against me, and was at last determined to hear for himself, and +thus came to Teignmouth, a distance of forty miles; and having heard about +our manner of living, gave us this money. + +With this closes the year 1830. Throughout it the Lord richly supplied +all my temporal wants, though at the commencement of it I had no certain +human prospect for one single shilling; so that, even as it regards +temporal things, I had not been in the smallest degree a loser in acting +according to the dictates of my conscience; and, as it regards spiritual +things, the Lord had indeed dealt bountifully with me, and led me on in +many respects, and, moreover, had condescended to use me as an instrument +in doing His work. + +On January 6th, 7th, and 8th, 1831, I had repeatedly asked the Lord for +money, but received none. On the evening of January 8th I left my room for +a few minutes, and was then tempted to distrust the Lord, though He had +been so gracious to us, in that He not only up to that day had supplied +all our wants, but had given us also those answers of prayer, which have +been in part just mentioned. I was so sinful, for about five minutes, as +to think it would be of no use to trust in the Lord in this way. I also +began to say to myself, that I had perhaps gone too far in living in this +way. But, thanks to the Lord! this trial lasted but a few minutes. He +enabled me again to trust in Him, and Satan was immediately confounded; +for when I returned to my room (out of which I had not been absent ten +minutes), the Lord had sent deliverance. A sister in the Lord, who resided +at Exeter, had come to Teignmouth, and brought us £2. 4s.; so the Lord +triumphed, and our faith was strengthened. + +Jan. 10. Today, when we had again but a few shillings, £5. was given to +us, which had been taken out of the box. I had, once for all, told the +brethren, who had the care of these temporal things, to have the kindness +to let me have the money every week; but as these beloved brethren either +forgot to take it out weekly, or were ashamed to bring it in such small +sums, it was generally taken out every three, four, or five weeks. As I +had stated to them, however, from the commencement, that I desired to look +neither to man nor the box, but to the living God, I thought it not right +on my part, to remind them of my request to have the money weekly, lest it +should hinder the testimony which I wished to give, of trusting in the +living God alone. It was on this account that on January 28th, when we had +again but little money, though I had seen the brethren on January the 24th +open the box and take out the money, I would not ask the brother, in whose +hands it was, to let me have it; but, standing in need of it, as our coals +were almost gone, I asked the Lord to incline his heart to bring it, and +but a little time afterwards it was given to us, even £1. 8s. 6d. + +I would here mention, that since the time I began living in this way, I +have been kept from speaking, either directly or indirectly, about my +wants, at the time I was in need. But whilst I have refrained, and do +still habitually refrain, from speaking to my fellow creatures about my +wants at the time, I desire to speak well of the Lord's goodness, after He +has delivered me; not only in order that He thus may get glory, but also +that the children of God may be encouraged to trust in Him. + +On February 14th we had again very little money, and, whilst praying, I +was led to ask the Lord, graciously to supply our wants; and the instant +that I rose from my knees, a brother gave me £1., which had been taken +out of the box. + +On March 7th I was again tempted to disbelieve the faithfulness of the +Lord, and though I was not miserable, still I was not so fully resting +upon the Lord, that I could triumph with joy. It was but one hour after, +when the Lord gave me another proof of His faithful love. A Christian lady +at Teignmouth had been from home for some time, and on her return she +brought from the sisters in the Lord, with whom she had been staying, five +sovereigns for us, with these words written in the paper;--"I was an +hungered, and ye gave me meat; I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink. Lord, +when saw we Thee an hungered, and fed Thee? or thirsty, and gave Thee +drink? The King shall answer and say unto them, "Verily, verily, I say +unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my +brethren, ye have done it unto me." + +On March 16th I went to Axminster, and preached in several places in that +neighbourhood, besides holding a meeting at Axminster. Whilst staying +there I was requested to preach at Chard; but as I had never been away +from Teignmouth on the Lord's day, I had to pray much, before I came to +the conclusion to comply with the request. At last I had the fullest +assurance that I ought to preach at Chard. I have since heard that the +Lord used me in edifying the brethren, and through a general exhortation +to all, to read the Scriptures with earnestness, a woman was stirred up to +do so, and this was the means of her conversion. As to myself, I had a +most refreshing season. I mention this circumstance to show how important +it is to ascertain the will of God, before we undertake any thing, because +we are then not only blessed in our own souls, but also the work of our +hands will prosper.--One of the brethren at Chard forced a sovereign upon +me, against the acceptance of which I strove much, lest it should appear +as if I had preached for money. Another would give me a paper with money. +I refused it for the same reason. At last he put it by force into my +pocket, and ran away. The paper contained 11s. 6d. + +April 16th. This morning I found that our money was reduced to 3s., and I +said to myself, I must now go and ask the Lord earnestly for fresh +supplies. But before I had prayed, there was sent from Exeter £2, as a +proof that the Lord hears before we call. + +I would observe here, by the way, that if any of the children of God +should think that such a mode of living leads away from the Lord, and from +caring about spiritual things, and has the effect of causing the mind to +be taken up with the question, What shall I eat? What shall I drink?--and +Wherewithal shall I be clothed? and that on that account it would be much +better to have a stated salary, particularly for one who labours in the +word and doctrine, in order that he may be above these cares; I say, +should any believer think so, I would request him, prayerfully to consider +the following remarks:--1. I have had experience of both ways, and know +that my present mode of living, as to temporal things, is connected with +less care. 2. Confidence in the Lord, to whom alone I look for the supply +of my temporal wants, keeps me, at least whilst faith is in exercise, when +a case of distress comes before me, or when the Lord's work calls for my +pecuniary aid, from anxious reckoning like this: Will my salary last out? +Shall I have enough myself the next month? &c. In this my freedom, I am, +by the grace of God, generally at least, able to say to myself something +like this:--My Lord is not limited; He can again supply; He knows that +this present case has been sent to me; and thus, this way of living, so +far from leading to anxiety, as it regards possible future want, is rather +the means of keeping from it. And truly it was once said to me by an +individual,--You can do such and such things, and need not to lay by, for +the church in the whole of Devonshire cares about your wants. My reply +was: The Lord can use not merely any of the saints throughout Devonshire, +but those throughout the world, as instruments to supply my temporal +wants. 3. This way of living has often been the means of reviving the work +of grace in my heart, when I have been getting cold; and it also has been +the means of bringing me back again to the Lord, after I have been +backsliding. For it will not do,--it is not possible, to live in sin, and, +at the same time, by communion with God, to draw down from heaven every +thing one needs for the life that now is. 4. Frequently, too, a fresh +answer to prayer, obtained in this way, has been the means of quickening +my soul, and filling me with much joy. + +About April 20th I went to Chumleigh. Here and in the neighbourhood I +preached repeatedly, and from thence I went to Barnstaple. Whilst we were +at Barnstaple, there was found in my wife's bag a sovereign, put there +anonymously. A sister also gave us £2. On our return to Teignmouth, May 2, +when we emptied our travelling bag, there fell out a paper with money. It +contained two sovereigns and threepence, the latter put in, no doubt, to +make a noise in emptying the bag. May the Lord bless and reward the giver! +In a similar way we found 4s. put anonymously into one of our drawers, a +few days after. + +June 6. Having prayed much on the previous days, that, when we wanted +money, the Lord would be pleased to send some, today, after I had again +asked for it, a poor sister brought half a sovereign, 5s. from herself, +and 5s. from another very poor sister. This is not only a fresh proof that +the Lord hears prayer, but also that He sends by whom He will. Our money +had been reduced to 8s. + +June 12. Lord's day. On Thursday last I went with brother Craik to +Torquay, to preach there. I had only about 3s. with me and left my wife +with about 6s. at home. The Lord provided beds for us through the +hospitality of a brother. I asked the Lord repeatedly for money; but when +I came home my wife had only about 3s. left, having received nothing. We +waited still upon the Lord. Yesterday passed away, and no money came. We +had 9d. left. This morning we were still waiting upon the Lord, and +looking for deliverance. We had only a little butter left for breakfast, +sufficient for brother E. and a relative living with us, to whom we did +not mention our circumstances, that they might not be made uncomfortable. +After the morning meeting, brother Y. most unexpectedly opened the box, +and, in giving me quite as unexpectedly the money at such a time, he told +me that he and his wife could not sleep last night on account of thinking +that we might want money. The most striking point is, that, after I had +repeatedly asked the Lord, but received nothing, I then prayed yesterday, +that the Lord would be pleased to impress it on brother Y. that we wanted +money, so that he might open the box. There was in it £1. 8s. 10 1/2d. Our +joy on account of this fresh deliverance was great, and we praised the +Lord heartily. + +June 18. Brother Craik called on us today, and he then had only 1 1/2d. +left. A few minutes after, he received: a sum of money, and in returning +to us on his way home, he gave us 10s., when we had but 3s. left. + +July 20. A shoulder of mutton and a loaf were sent to us anonymously.--I +understood some time afterwards, that Satan had raised the false report +that we were starving, in consequence of which a believer sent these +provisions. I would mention by the way, that various reports have been +circulated, on account of this our way of living. Sometimes it has been +said that we had not enough to eat, and that surely such and such an +infirmity of body we had brought on us, because we had not the necessaries +of life. Now, the truth is, that, whilst we have been often brought low; +yea, so low, that we have not had even as much as one single penny left; +or so as to have the last bread on the table, and not as much money as was +needed to buy another loaf;--yet never have we had to sit down to a meal, +without our good Lord having provided nourishing food for us. I am bound +to state this, and I do it with pleasure. My Master has been a kind Master +to me, and if I had to choose this day again, as to the way of living, the +Lord giving me grace, I would not choose differently. But even these very +reports, false as they were, I doubt not the Lord has sometimes used as a +means, to put it into the hearts of His children, to remember our temporal +necessities. + +About July 25th I preached several times at Collumpton, and in a +neighbouring village, in the open air. My experience as it regards +preaching in the open air has been very different from what I might have +expected. I have often preached out of doors, and but once has it been +blessed, as far as I know, and that was in the case of an officer in the +army, who came to make sport of it; whilst almost in every place, if not +in every place, where I have preached in rooms or chapels, the Lord has +given testimony to the Word. Perhaps the Lord has not been pleased to let +me see fruit from this part of my work, though I have been many times +engaged in it; or it may be, that, because I did not pray so earnestly +respecting my out-door preaching as respecting my in-door preaching, the +former has not been so much blessed as the latter. But this testimony I +cannot but bear, that, though I do not consider it at present my work, on +account of want of bodily strength, yet it is a most important work, and I +should delight in being so honoured now, as to be allowed to be engaged in +it. + +August 9. After extreme suffering, which lasted about seventeen hours, my +wife was this day delivered of a still-born child.--Who of my readers +would suppose, that whilst I was so abundantly blessed by God, and that in +so many respects, my heart should have been again many times during +several months previous to this day, cold, wretched, carnal? How +long-suffering is the Lord! Repeatedly, during this time, I +could let hours run on, after I had risen in the morning, before +I prayed; at least, before I retired for prayer. And at that +time when I appeared most zealous for God, perhaps more +so than at any time before or since, I was often far from +being in a spiritual state. I was not now, indeed, indulging in gross +outward sins, which could be noticed by my brethren; but often--very +often, the eye of my kind loving Father must have looked on me with much +grief. On this account, I have no doubt, the Lord now, in great +compassion, sent this heavy blow. I had not seriously thought of the great +danger connected with childbearing, and therefore had never earnestly +prayed about it. Now came this solemn time. The life of my dear wife was +hanging, as it were, on a thread, and, in the midst of it, my conscience +told me, that my state of heart made such a chastisement needful. Yet, at +the same time, I was much supported.--When the child was still-born, I saw +almost immediately afterwards, that this could not have been expected +otherwise, for I had not looked on the prospect of having a child as on a +blessing, which I was about to receive from God, but rather considered it +as a burden and a hindrance in the Lord's work; for I did not know then, +that, whilst a wife and children may be in certain respects, on the one +hand, a hindrance to the servant of Christ, they also may fit him, on the +other hand, for certain parts of his work, in teaching him things which +are important to be known, especially for the pastoral work. The Lord now +brought, in addition to this, very great sufferings upon my beloved wife, +which lasted for six weeks, combined with a partial lameness of the left +side.--Immediately after the eventful time of August 8th and 9th, the Lord +brought me, in His tender mercy, again into a spiritual state of heart, so +that I was enabled to look on this chastisement as a great blessing. May +this my experience be a warning to believing readers, that the Lord may +not need to chastise them, on account of their state of heart! May it also +be a fresh proof to them, that the Lord, in His very love and +faithfulness, will not, and cannot let us go on in backsliding, but that +He will visit us with stripes, to bring us back to Himself! + +There was one point, however, in which, by grace, I had continued to be +faithful to God, i.e. in my mode of living, and, therefore, in as far as I +had been faithfully sowing, I now reaped abundantly; for the Lord most +graciously supplied, in rich abundance, all our temporal wants, though +they were many. Another reason for this may have been, that the Lord never +lays more on us, in the way of chastisement, than our state of heart makes +needful; so that whilst He smites with the one hand, He supports with the +other.--We saw it to be against the Lord's mind to put by any money for my +wife's confinement, though we might have, humanly speaking, very easily +saved £20. or £30. during the six months previous to August 7th. I say, +humanly speaking, and judging from what we had received during all these +months, we might have laid by as much as the above sums; but I have every +reason to believe, that, had I begun to lay up, the Lord would have +stopped the supplies, and thus, the ability of doing so was only apparent. +Let no one profess to trust in God, and yet lay up for future wants, +otherwise the Lord will first send him to the hoard he has amassed, before +He can answer the prayer for more. We were persuaded, that, if we laid out +our money in the Lord's service, He would send more when we needed it; and +this our faith, His own gift, He graciously honoured, inasmuch as He not +merely gave us what we needed, but much more. + +On August 6th, just before this time of need, the Lord sent us £5. from a +distance of about forty miles, and that from a sister, whom, up to this +day, neither of us know personally. On August 7th I received £1. 0s. 9 +1/2d. out of the box. August 15th, from a distance of twenty-five miles +was sent £5., and from a distance of about seventy miles £1. August 18th, +whilst preaching at Chudleigh, £1. was sent to me, and a brother sent from +Exeter £2. August 21st was again sent from a distance of seventy miles +£5., and August 23rd another £5. from the same place. Also, August 22nd, +16s. 9d. was given out of the box. August 24th, a brother, who is a day +labourer, gave me 2s. 6d. August 31st, 5s. was given to me. September 3rd, +whilst preaching at Chudleigh, £3. 10s. was given to me by a brother and +three sisters. September 4th, a sister gave me a guinea, and also out of +the box was given 9s. 8d. September 10th, £6. was given to me. Thus, +within about one month, the Lord not only sent us nearly £40., but +likewise all sorts of suitable provisions and refreshments, needful at +such a time; and, in addition to this, the two medical gentlemen who +attended my wife would not take any remuneration for their unwearied +attention and kindness, during the space of six weeks. Thus the Lord gave +us even more than we could have saved, if we had endeavoured to do so. + +November 16th. This morning I proposed united prayer respecting our +temporal wants. Just as we were about to pray, a parcel came from Exmouth. +In prayer we asked the Lord for meat for dinner, having no money to buy +any. After prayer, on opening the parcel, we found, among other things, a +ham, sent by a brother at Exmouth, which served us for dinner. Thus not +only our own family was provided for, but also a sister in the Lord then +staying with us. + +November 17th. Today we had not a single penny left. We had asked the +Lord yesterday and today. We desired only enough money to be able to buy +bread. We were reduced more than ever we had been before. But our gracious +and faithful Lord, who never lays more upon His children than He enables +them to bear, delivered us again this time, by sending us £1. 10s. 6d., +about an hour before we wanted money to buy bread. + +November 19th. We had not enough to pay our weekly rent; but the Lord +graciously sent us again today 14s. 6d. I would just observe, that we +never contract debts, which we believe to be unscriptural (according to +Romans xiii. 8;) and therefore we have no bills with our tailor, +shoemaker, grocer, butcher, baker, &c.; but all we buy we pay for in ready +money. The Lord helping us, we would rather suffer privation, than +contract debts. Thus we always know how much we have, and how much we have +a right to give away. May I entreat the believing reader, prayerfully to +consider this matter; for I am well aware that many trials come upon the +children of God, on account of not acting according to Rom. xiii. 8. + +November 27th, Lord's day. Our money had been reduced to 2 1/2d.; our +bread was hardly enough for this day. I had several times brought our need +before the Lord. After dinner, when I returned thanks, I asked Him to give +us our daily bread, meaning literally that He would send us bread for the +evening. Whilst I was praying, there was a knock at the door of the room. +After I had concluded, a poor sister came in, and brought us some of her +dinner, and from another poor sister, 5s. In the afternoon she also +brought us a large loaf. Thus the Lord not only literally gave us bread, +but also money. + +In reading about all these answers to prayer, the believing reader may be +led to think that I am spiritually minded above most of the children of +God, and that, therefore, the Lord favours us thus. The true reason is +this. Just in as many points as we are acting according to the mind of +God, in so many are we blessed and made a blessing. Our manner of living +is according to the mind of the Lord, for He delights in seeing His +children thus come to Him (Matt. vi.); and therefore, though I am weak and +erring in many points, yet He blesses me in this particular, and, I doubt +not, will bless me, as long as He shall enable me to act according to His +will in this matter. + +After we had, on December 31st, 1831, looked over the Lord's gracious +dealings with us during the past year, in providing for all our temporal +wants, we had about 10s. left. A little while after, the providence of God +called for that, so that not a single farthing remained. Thus we closed +the old year, in which the Lord had been so gracious in giving to us, +without our asking any one:-- + +1. Through the instrumentality of the box, £31. 14s.-- + +2. From brethren of the Church at Teignmouth, in presents of money, £6. +18s. 6d. + +3. From brethren living at Teignmouth and elsewhere, not connected with +the Church at Teignmouth, £93. 6s. 2d. Altogether, £131. 18s. 8d. + +There had been likewise many articles of provision and some articles of +clothing given to us, worth at least £20. I am so particular in mentioning +these things, to show that we are never losers by acting according to the +mind of the Lord. For had I had my regular salary, humanly speaking, I +should not have had nearly as much; but whether this would have been the +case or not, this is plain, that I have not served a hard Master, and that +is what I delight to show. For, to speak well of His name, that thus my +beloved fellow-pilgrims, who may read this, may be encouraged to trust in +Him, is the chief purpose of my writing. + +We had now in the new year to look up to our kind Father for new mercies, +and during the year 1832 also we found Him as faithful and compassionate +as before, not laying more on us than He enabled us to bear, though space +will only permit me to mention a few particulars. + +January 7, 1832. We had been again repeatedly asking the Lord today and +yesterday to supply our temporal wants, having no means to pay our weekly +rent; and this evening, as late as eleven o'clock, a brother gave us 19s. +6d., a proof that the Lord is not limited to time. + +January 13. The Lord has again graciously fed us today. We have 5d. left, +some bread, rice, meat, potatoes, and other good things, and, above all, +the Lord Jesus. He who has provided will provide. + +January 14. This morning we had nothing but dry bread with our tea; only +the second time since we have been living by simple faith upon Jesus for +temporal supplies. We have more than £40. of ready money in the house for +two bills,2 which will not be payable for several weeks; but we do not +consider this money to be our own, and would rather suffer great +privation, God helping us, than take of it. I thank the Lord, who gives me +grace to be more faithful in these matters than I used to be formerly, +when I would have taken of it, and said, that by the time the money was +actually due, I should be able to replace it. We were looking to our +Father, and He has not suffered us to be disappointed. For when now we had +but 3d. left, and only a small piece of bread, we received 2s. and 5s., +the particulars concerning which would take up too much space. + +February 18. This afternoon I broke a blood vessel in my stomach, and +lost a considerable quantity of blood. I was very happy immediately +afterwards. February 19. This morning, Lord's day, two brethren called on +me, to ask me what arrangement there should be made today, as it regarded +the four villages, where some of the brethren were in the habit of +preaching, as, on account of my not being able to preach, one of the +brethren would need to stay at home to take my place. I asked them, kindly +to come again in about an hour, when I would give them an answer. After +they were gone, the Lord gave me faith to rise. I dressed myself, and +determined to go to the chapel. I was enabled to do so, though so weak +when I went, that walking the short distance to the chapel was an exertion +to me. I was enabled to preach this morning with as loud and strong a +voice as usual, and for the usual length of time. After the morning +meeting, a medical friend called on me, and entreated me not to preach +again in the afternoon, as it might greatly injure me. I told him, that I +should indeed consider it great presumption to do so, had the Lord not +given me faith. I preached again in the afternoon, and this medical friend +called again, and said the same concerning the evening meeting. +Nevertheless, having faith, I preached again in the evening. After each +meeting I became stronger, which was a plain proof that the hand of God +was in the matter. After the third meeting I went immediately to bed, +considering that it would be presumption to try my strength needlessly. + +February 20. The Lord enabled me to rise early in the morning, and to go +to our usual prayer-meeting, where I read, spoke, and prayed. Afterwards I +wrote four letters, expounded the scriptures at home, and attended the +meeting again in the evening. February 21. I attended the two meetings as +usual, preached in the evening, and did my other work besides. February +22. Today I attended the meeting in the morning, walked afterwards six +miles with two brethren to Newton Bushel, and rode from thence to +Plymouth: February 23. I am now as well as I was before I broke the blood +vessel.--In relating the particulars of this circumstance I would earnestly +warn every one who may read this, not to imitate me in such a thing if he +has no faith; but if he has, it will, as good coin, most assuredly be +honoured by God. I could not say, that, if such a thing should happen +again, I would act in the same way; for when I have been not nearly so +weak as when I had broken the blood-vessel, having no faith, I did not +preach; yet if it were to please the Lord to give me faith, I might be +able to do the same, though even still weaker than at the time just spoken +of. + +About this time I repeatedly prayed with sick believers till they were +restored. Unconditionally I asked the Lord for the blessing of bodily +health, (a thing which I could not do now), and almost always had the +petition granted. In some instances, however, the prayer was not answered. +In the same way, whilst in London, Nov. 1829, in answer to my prayers, I +was immediately restored from a bodily infirmity under which I had been +labouring for a long time, and which has never returned since. The way in +which I now account for these facts is as follows. It pleased the Lord, I +think, to give me in such cases something like the gift (not grace) of +faith, so that unconditionally I could ask and look for an answer. The +difference between the gift and the grace of faith seems to me this. +According to the gift of faith I am able to do a thing, or believe that a +thing will come to pass, the not doing of which, or the not believing of +which would not be sin; according to the grace of faith I am able to do a +thing, or believe that a thing will come to pass, respecting which I have +the word of God as the ground to rest upon, and, therefore, the not doing +it, or the not believing it would be sin. For instance, the gift of faith +would be needed, to believe that a sick person should be restored again +though there is no human probability: for there is no promise to that +effect; the grace of faith is needed to believe that the Lord will give me +the necessaries of life, if I first seek the kingdom of God and His +righteousness: for there is a promise to that effect." Matt. vi. + +March 18. These two days we have not been able to purchase meat. The +sister in whose house we lodge gave us today part of her dinner. We are +still looking to Jesus for deliverance. We want money to pay the weekly +rent and to buy provisions. March 19. Our landlady sent again of her meat +for our dinner. We have but a halfpenny left. I feel myself very cold in +asking for money: still I hope for deliverance, though I do not see whence +money is to come. We were not able to buy bread today as usual. March 20. +This has been again a day of very great mercies. In the morning we met +round our breakfast which the Lord had provided for us, though we had not +a single penny left. The last half-penny was spent for milk. We were then +still looking to Jesus for fresh supplies. We both had no doubt that the +Lord would interfere. I felt it a trial that I had but little earnestness +in asking the Lord, and had this not been the case, perhaps we might have +had our wants sooner supplied. We have about £7. in the house; but +considering it no longer our own, the Lord kept us from taking of it, with +the view of replacing what we had taken, as formerly I might have done. +The meat which was sent yesterday for our dinner, was enough also for +today. Thus the Lord had provided another meal. Two sisters called upon us +about noon, who gave us two pounds of sugar, one pound of coffee, and two +cakes of chocolate. Whilst they were with us, a poor sister came and +brought 1s. from herself, and 2s. 6d. from another poor sister. Our +landlady also sent us again of her dinner, and also a loaf. Our bread +would scarcely have been enough for tea, had the Lord not thus graciously +provided. In the afternoon the same sister who brought the money, brought +us also from another sister, one pound of butter and 2s., and from another +sister 5s. Thus the Lord graciously has again answered our feeble and cold +breathings. Lord, strengthen our faith. + +March 29. I went to Shaldon this morning. Brother Craik has left for +Bristol for four weeks. I think he will only return to take leave, and +that the Lord will give him work there. [What a remarkable presentiment, +which came to pass, concerning my beloved brother and fellow-labourer!] + +April 4. Besides our own family, there are now four visitors staying with +us, and we have but 2s. April 5. Four pounds of cheese, and one pound of +butter were sent to us. April 7. Anonymously was sent to us, from +Plymouth, a large ham, with two sovereigns tied in the corner of the cloth +in which the ham was wrapped up. Thus the Lord, once more, in this our +time of need, when our expenses are double, has graciously appeared for us. + +April 8. I have again felt much this day that Teignmouth is no longer my +place, and that I shall leave it. + +I would observe that in August of the preceding year (1831), I began +greatly to feel as if my work at Teignmouth were done, and that I should +go somewhere else. On writing about this to a friend, I was led, from the +answer I received, to consider the matter more maturely, and at last had +it settled in this way, that it was not likely to be of God, because, for +certain reasons, I should naturally have liked to leave Teignmouth. +Afterwards I felt quite comfortable in remaining there. In the +commencement of the year 1832 I began again much to doubt whether +Teignmouth was my place, or whether my gift was not much more that of +going about from place to place, seeking to bring believers back to the +Scriptures, than to stay in one place and to labour as a pastor. I thought +so particularly whilst at Plymouth, in February. On my return, however, I +resolved to try whether it were not the will of God that I should still +give myself to pastoral work among the brethren at Teignmouth; and, with +more earnestness and faithfulness than ever, I was enabled to attend to +this work, and was certainly much refreshed and blessed in it; and I saw +immediately blessings result from it. This my experience seemed more than +ever to settle me at Teignmouth. But notwithstanding this, the impression +that my work was done there, came back after some time, as the remark in +my journal of April 8th shows, and it became stronger and stronger. There +was one point remarkable in connexion with this. Wherever I went, I +preached with much more enjoyment and power than at Teignmouth, the very +reverse of which had been the case on my first going there. Moreover, +almost every where I had many more hearers than at Teignmouth, and found +the people hungering after food, which, generally speaking, was no longer +the case at Teignmouth. + +April 10. I asked the Lord for a text, but obtained none. At last; after +having again much felt that Teignmouth is not my place, I was directed to +Isaiah li. 9-11. April 11. Felt again much that Teignmouth will not much +longer be my residence. April 12. Still feel the impression that +Teignmouth is no longer my place. April 13. Found a letter from Brother +Craik, from Bristol, on my return from Torquay, where I had been to +preach. He invites me to come and help him. It appears to me from what he +writes, that such places as Bristol more suit my gifts. O Lord, teach me! +I have felt this day more than ever, that I shall soon leave Teignmouth. I +fear, however, there is much connected with it which savours of the flesh, +and that makes me fearful. It seems to me as if I should shortly go to +Bristol, if the Lord permit. April 14. Wrote a letter to Brother Craik, in +which I said I should come, if I clearly saw it to be the Lord's will. +Have felt again very much today, yea, far more than ever, that I shall +soon leave Teignmouth. At last I was pressed in spirit to determine that +tomorrow I would tell the brethren so, in order that by the result of this +I might see more of the Lord's mind; and that, at all events, I might have +their prayers, to be directed in this matter by the Lord. + +April 15. Lord's day. This evening I preached again once more, as fully +as time would permit, on the Lord's second coming. After having done so, I +told the brethren what effect this doctrine had had upon me, on first +receiving it, even to determine me to leave London, and to preach +throughout the kingdom; but that the Lord had kept me chiefly at +Teignmouth for these two years and three months, and that it seemed to me +now that the time was near when I should leave them. I reminded them of +what I told them when they requested me to take the oversight of them, +that I could make no certain engagement, but stay only so long with them +as I should see it to be the Lord's will to do so. There was much weeping +afterwards. But I am now again in peace. [This would not have been the +case, had the matter not been of God. I knew of no place to go to. My mind +was much directed to Torquay, to preach there for a month or so, and then +to go further. For though I had written that I would come to Bristol, I +meant only to stay there for a few days, and to preach a few times.] + +April 16. This morning I am still in peace. I am glad I have spoken to +the brethren, that they may be prepared, in case the Lord should take me +away.--Having again little money, and being about to leave Teignmouth for +several days, I asked the Lord for a fresh supply, and within about four +hours afterwards he sent me, from six different quarters, £3. 7s. 6d. I +left today for Dartmouth, where I preached in the evening.--There was much +weeping today among the saints at Teignmouth. This is already a trial to +me, and it will be still more so should I actually leave.--It is a most +important work to go about and stir up the churches; but it requires much +grace, much self-denial, much saying over the same things, and the +greatest watchfulness and faithfulness, in making use of one's time for +prayer, meditation, and reading the Scriptures.--I had five answers to +prayer today. 1. I awoke at five, for which I had asked the Lord last +evening. 2. The Lord removed from my dear wife an indisposition, under +which she had been suffering. It would have been trying to me to have had +to leave her in that state. 3. The Lord sent us money. 4. There was a +place vacant on the Dartmouth coach, which only passes through Teignmouth. +5. This evening I was assisted in preaching, and my own soul refreshed. + +April 17. I preached again at Dartmouth. April 18. I am still at +Dartmouth. I wrote to Brother Craik, that, the Lord willing, I should be +with him at Bristol on the 21st. I preached again this evening, with +especial assistance, before a large congregation. April 19. I awoke early, +and had a good while to myself for prayer and reading the Word, and left +happy in spirit for Torquay, where I preached in the evening with much +help. The brethren are sorry, that, on account of my going to Bristol, my +regular weekly preaching will be given up there for a while. I walked home +after preaching, and arrived at Teignmouth at twelve o'clock. + +April 20. I left this morning for Bristol. I preached with little power +(as to my own feeling) in Exeter, from three till half-past four. At five +I left for Taleford, where I preached in the evening, likewise with little +power. I was very tired in body, and had had therefore little prayer. But +still, in both places, the believers seemed refreshed. I went to bed at +eleven, very, very tired. + +April 21. This morning I rose a little before five, and attended a prayer +meeting from a quarter past five, to a quarter past six. I spoke for some +time at the meeting. Afterwards I prayed and read again with some +believers, and likewise expounded the Scriptures. The Bristol coach took +me up about ten. I was very faithless on the journey. + +I did not speak a single word for Christ, and was therefore wretched in +my soul. This has shown me again my weakness. Though the Lord had been so +gracious to me yesterday, in this particular, both on my way from +Teignmouth to Exeter, and from Exeter to Taleford, and had given me much +encouragement, in that He made my fellow-travellers either thankfully to +receive the word, or constrained them quietly to listen to the testimony; +yet I did not confess Him today. Nor did I give away a single tract, +though I had my pockets full on purpose. O wretched man that I am! + +I would offer here a word of warning to my fellow-believers. Often the +work of the Lord itself may be a temptation to keep us from that communion +with Him which is so essential to the benefit of our own souls.--On the +19th I had left Dartmouth, conversed a good deal that day, preached in the +evening, walked afterwards eight miles, had only about five hours sleep, +traveled again the next day twenty-five miles, preached twice, and +conversed very much besides, went to bed at eleven, and rose before five. +All this shows that my body and spirit required rest, and, therefore, +however careless about the Lord's work I might have appeared to my +brethren, I ought to have had a great deal of quiet time for prayer and +reading the Word, especially as I had a long journey before me that day, +and as I was going to Bristol, which in itself required much prayer. +Instead of this, I hurried to the prayer meeting after a few minutes' +private prayer. But let none think that public prayer will make up for +closet communion. Then again, afterwards, when I ought to have withdrawn +myself, as it were, by force, from the company of beloved brethren and +sisters, and given my testimony for the Lord (and, indeed, it would have +been the best testimony I could have given them), by telling them that I +needed secret communion with the Lord: I did not do so, but spent the +time, till the coach came, in conversation with them. Now, however +profitable in some respects it may have been to those with whom I was on +that morning, yet my own soul needed food; and not having had it, I was +lean, and felt the effects of it the whole day, and hence I believe it +came that I was dumb on the coach. + +April 22. This morning I preached at Gideon Chapel, Bristol. [Though this +sermon gave rise to false reports, yet the Lord was pleased to bless it to +several; and the false reports were likewise instrumental in bringing many +individuals under the sound of the Word.] In the afternoon I preached at +the Pithay Chapel. [This sermon was a blessing to many, many souls; and +many were brought through it, to come afterwards to hear Brother Craik and +me. Among others it was the means of converting a young man who was a +notorious drunkard, and who was just again on his way to a public house, +when an acquaintance of his met him, and asked him to go with him to hear +a foreigner preach. He did so; and from that moment he was so completely +altered, that he never again went to a public house, and was so happy in +the Lord afterwards that he often neglected his supper, from eagerness to +read the Scriptures, as his wife told me. He died about five months +afterwards.] This evening I was much instructed in hearing Brother Craik +preach. I am now fully persuaded that Bristol is the place where the Lord +will have me to labour. + +April 23. This evening I preached again with much assistance at Gideon. I +was very happy. [The Lord made this testimony a blessing to several.] I +feel that Bristol is my place for a while. The Lord mercifully teach me! + +April 27. It seems to Brother Craik and myself the Lord's will that we +should go home next week, in order that in quietness, without being +influenced by what we see here, we may more inquire into the Lord's will +concerning us. It especially appears to us much more likely that we should +come to a right conclusion among the brethren and sisters in Devonshire, +whose tears we shall have to witness, and whose entreaties to stay with +them we shall have to hear, than here in Bristol, where we see only those +who wish us to stay. Some asked me to stay with them while Brother Craik +goes home. But it seems better that we should both go. [I observe here, it +was evident that many preferred my beloved brother's gifts to my own; yet, +as he would not come, except I came with him: and as I knew that I also +had been called by the Lord for the ministry of the Word, I knew that I +also should find my work in Bristol, and that though it might be a +different one, yet I should fill up in some measure his lack, whilst he +supplied my deficiencies; and that thus we might both be a benefit to the +church and to the world in Bristol. The result has evidently confirmed +this. I am, moreover, by the grace of God, strengthened to rejoice in my +fellow-labourer's honour, instead of envying him; having, in some measure, +been enabled to enter into the meaning of that word: "A man can receive +nothing, except it be given him from above."] + +April 28. It still seems to us the Lord's will that we should both leave +soon, to have quiet time for prayer concerning Bristol. This afternoon I +felt the want of retirement, finding afresh, that the society of brethren +cannot make up for communion with the Lord. I spent about three hours over +the Word and in prayer, this evening, which has been a great refreshment +to my inner man. + +April 29. I preached this morning with much outward power, but with +little inward enjoyment, on Rev. iii. 14-22. [As it afterwards appeared, +that testimony was blessed to many, though I lacked enjoyment in my own +soul. May this be an encouragement to those who labour in word and +doctrine!] This afternoon Brother Craik preached in a vessel called the +Clifton Ark, fitted up for a chapel. In the evening I preached in the same +vessel. [These testimonies also God greatly honoured, and made them the +means of afterwards bringing several, who then heard us, to our meeting +places. How did God bless us in everything we took into our hands! How was +He with us, and how did He help us, thereby evidently showing that He +Himself had sent us to this city!] Brother Craik preached this evening +at Gideon for the last time previous to our going. The aisles, the pulpit +stairs, and the vestry were filled, and multitudes went away on account of +the want of room. + +April 30. It was most affecting to take leave of the dear children of +God, dozens pressing us to return soon, many with tears in their eyes. The +blessing which the Lord has given to our ministry, seems to be very great. + +We both see it fully the Lord's will to come here, though we do not see +under what circumstances. A brother has promised to take Bethesda Chapel +for us, and to be answerable for the payment of the rent: so that thus we +should have two large chapels.-I saw, again, two instances today, in which +my preaching has been blessed. + +May 1. Brother Craik and I left this morning for Devonshire. May 2. I +preached this evening at Bishopsteignton, and told the brethren, that, the +Lord willing, I should soon leave them. May 3. I saw several of the +brethren today, and felt so fully assured that it is the Lord's will that +I should go to Bristol, that I told them so. This evening I had a meeting +with the three deacons, when I told them plainly about it; asking them, if +they see any thing wrong in me concerning this matter, to tell me of it. +They had nothing to say against it; yea, though much wishing me to stay, +they were convinced themselves that my going is of God. + +May 4. I saw again several brethren today, and told them about my +intention to go to Bristol. There is much sorrowing and sighing, but it +does not move me in the least, though I desire to sympathize with them. I +am still fully persuaded that the Lord will have us go to Bristol. May 5. +One other striking proof to my mind, that my leaving Teignmouth is of God, +is, that some truly spiritual believers, though they much wish me to stay, +themselves see that I ought to go to Bristol. + +May 7. Having received a letter from Bristol on May 5th, it was answered +today in such a way that the Lord may have another opportunity, to prevent +our going thither, if it be not of Him. Especially we will not move a +single stone out of the way in our own strength, and much less still be +guilty of a want of openness and plainness, nor would we wish by such +means to obtain Bethesda chapel. + +May 11. The Lord seems to try us about Bristol. There was reason to +expect a letter the day before yesterday, but none came; also today there +is no letter. Even this is very good for us. Yea, I do wish most heartily +that we may not have Bethesda chapel, if it be not good for us. + +May 15. Just when I was in prayer concerning Bristol, I was sent for to +come to Brother Craik. Two letters had arrived from Bristol. The brethren +assembling at Gideon accept our offer to come under the conditions we have +made, i.e., for the present to consider us only as ministering among them, +but not in any fixed pastoral relationship, so that we may preach as we +consider it to be according to the mind of God, without reference to any +rules among them; that the pew-rents should be done away with and that we +should go on, respecting the supply of our temporal wants, as in +Devonshire. We intend, the Lord willing, to leave in about a week, though +there is nothing settled respecting Bethesda chapel. + +May 16. I preached for the last time at Bishopsteignton, and took leave +of the brethren. May 17. I went to Exmouth, and, after preaching, took +leave of the brethren. May 21. I began today to take leave of the brethren +at Teignmouth, calling on each of them. In the evening I went over to +Shaldon to take leave of the brethren, of whom brother Craik has had the +oversight. It has been a trying day. Much weeping on the part of the +saints. Were I not so fully persuaded that it is the will of God we should +go to Bristol, I should have been hardly able to bear it. + +May 22. The brethren at Shaldon and Teignmouth say, that they expect us +soon back again. As far as I understand the way in which God deals with +his children, this seems very unlikely. In every respect we have seen the +Lord's goodness, and all proves that it is His will that we should go to +Bristol. This full persuasion has helped me to withstand all the tears of +the saints. Towards the evening the Lord, after repeated prayer, gave me +Col. i. 21-23, as a text, for the last word of exhortation. It seemed to +me best to speak as little as possible about myself, and as much as +possible about Christ. I scarcely alluded to our separation, and only +commended myself and the brethren, in the concluding prayer, to the Lord. +The parting scenes are very trying, but my full persuasion is, that the +separation is of the Lord. + +May 23. My beloved wife, Mr. Groves, my father-in-law, and I left this +morning for Exeter. Dear brother Craik intends to follow us tomorrow. + +Review of the time since I left London, up to my removal from Teignmouth. + +I. All this time the Lord never allowed me to regret the step I had +taken, in separating from the Society. + +II. The results have most abundantly shown, that it was of God; for, by +His help, 1, I have not lost in truth or grace since. 2, I have been in +peace concerning the matter. 3, the Lord made it a blessing to many souls. + +III. During this period it pleased the Lord, to convert, through my +instrumentality, many souls at Teignmouth, Exmouth, Bishopsteignton, +Exeter, Chudleigh, in the neighbourhood of Barnstaple, at Chard, and +elsewhere. The church at Teignmouth increased from eighteen to fifty-one. + +IV. The Lord most graciously supplied all my temporal wants during this +period, so that I lacked no good thing. + +V. We had unexpectedly received, just before we left Teignmouth, about +£15., else we should not have been able to defray all the expenses +connected with leaving, traveling, &c. By this also the Lord showed His +mind concerning our going to Bristol. + +VI. During these two years and five months, since I left London, I have +sinned in many respects, though walking, it may be, in the eyes of the +brethren, very near to God. Indeed, my confession concerning this time +also is, that I have been an unprofitable servant. + +The following record will now show to the believing reader how far, what +I have said concerning my persuasion, that it was the will of God that we +should go to Bristol, has been proved by facts. + +May 25th, 1832. This evening we arrived in Bristol. May 27. This morning +we received a sovereign, sent to us by a sister residing in Devonshire, +which we take as an earnest that the Lord will provide for us here also. +May 28. When we were going to speak to the brethren, who manage the +temporal affairs of Gideon chapel, about giving up the pew-rents, having +all the seats free, and receiving the free-will offerings through a box, a +matter which was not quite settled on their part, as brother Craik and I +had thought; we found that the Lord had so graciously ordered this matter +for us, that there was not the least objection on the part of these +brethren. + +June 4. For several days we have been looking about for lodgings, but +finding none plain and cheap enough, we were led to make this also a +subject of earnest prayer; and now, immediately afterwards, the Lord has +given us such as are suitable. They are the plainest and cheapest we can +find, but still too good for servants of Jesus, as our Master had not +where to lay His head. We pay only 18s. a week for two sitting-rooms and +three bedrooms, coals and attendance. It was particularly difficult to +find cheap furnished lodgings, having five rooms in the same house, which +we need, as brother Craik and we live together. How good is the Lord to +have thus appeared for us, in answer to prayer, and what an encouragement +to commit every thing to Him in prayer! + +June 5. Today we had already a testimony of a sinner having been +converted by brother Craik's instrumentality, on the first Lord's day in +April, simply through hearing the text read. [This aged sister lived +eleven years afterwards, during which time her walk was according to the +profession she made. She fell asleep in 1843.] June 7. We have daily fresh +encouragements, and fresh proofs that our being here is of God. June 16. +We saw another instance of conversion through brother Craik's +instrumentality. + +June 25. Today it was finally settled to take Bethesda chapel for a +twelvemonth, on condition that a brother at once paid the rent, with the +understanding, that, if the Lord shall bless our labours in that place, so +that believers are gathered together in fellowship, he expects them to +help him; but, if not, that he will pay all. This was the only way in +which we could take the chapel; for we could not think it to be of God to +have had this chapel, though there should have been every prospect of +usefulness, if it had made us in any way debtors. We had tried to obtain a +cheaper meeting-place, but could find none large enough to accommodate the +hearers. + +July 6. Today we commenced preaching at Bethesda Chapel. It was a good +day. July 13. Today we heard of the first cases of cholera in Bristol. +July 16. This evening, from six to nine o'clock, we had appointed for +conversing at the vestry, one by one, with individuals, who wished to +speak to us about their souls. There were so many, that we were engaged +from six till twenty minutes past ten. + +These meetings we have continued ever since twice a week, or once a week, +or once a fortnight, or once a month, as our strength and time allowed it, +or as they seemed needed. We have found them beneficial in the following +respects: + +1. Many persons, on account of timidity, would prefer coming at an +appointed time to the vestry to converse with us, to calling on us in our +own house. 2. The very fact of appointing a time for seeing people, to +converse with them in private concerning the things of eternity, has +brought some, who, humanly speaking, never would have called on us under +other circumstances; yea, it has brought even those who, though they +thought they were concerned about the things of God, yet were completely +ignorant; and thus we have had an opportunity of speaking to them. 3. +These meetings have also been a great encouragement to ourselves in the +work, for often, when we thought that such and such expositions of the +Word had done no good at all, it was, through these meetings, found to be +the reverse; and likewise, when our hands were hanging down, we have been +afresh encouraged to go forward in the work of the Lord, and to continue +sowing the seed in hope, by seeing at these meetings fresh cases, in which +the Lord had condescended to use us as instruments, particularly as in +this way instances have sometimes occurred in which individuals have +spoken to us about the benefit which they derived from our ministry, not +only a few months before, but even as long as two, three, and four years +before. + +For the above reasons I would particularly recommend to other servants of +Christ, especially to those who live in large towns, if they have not +already introduced a similar plan, to consider whether it may not be well +for them also to set apart such times for seeing inquirers. Those +meetings, however, require much prayer, to be enabled to speak aright, to +all those who come, according to their different need; and one is led +continually to feel that one is not sufficient of one's self for these +things, but that our sufficiency can be alone of God. These meetings also +have been by far the most wearing out part of all our work, though at the +same time the most refreshing. + +July 18. Today I spent the whole morning in the vestry, to procure a +quiet season. This has now for some time been the only way, on account of +the multiplicity of engagements, to make sure of time for prayer, reading +the Word and meditation. July 19. I spent from half-past nine till one in +the vestry, and had real communion with the Lord. The Lord be praised, who +has put it into my mind to use the vestry for a place of retirement! + +August 5. When all our money was gone today, the Lord again graciously +supplied our wants. August 6. This afternoon, from two till after six, +brother Craik and I spent in the vestry, to see the inquirers. We have had +again, in seeing several instances of blessing upon our labours, abundant +reason brought before us to praise the Lord for having sent us to Bristol. + +August 13, 1832. This evening one brother and four sisters united with +brother Craik and me in church fellowship at Bethesda, without any rules, +desiring only to act as the Lord shall be pleased to give us light through +His word. + +August 14. This day we set apart for prayer concerning the cholera, and +had three meetings. + +August 17. This morning, from six to eight, we had a prayer meeting at +Gideon, on account of the cholera. Between two and three hundred people +were present. [We continued these meetings every morning, as long as the +cholera raged in Bristol, and afterwards changed them into prayer meetings +for the church at large, so that we had them for about four months.] + +August 24. This morning a sister in the Lord, within fifty yards of our +lodging, was taken ill in the cholera, and died this afternoon. Her +husband, also a believer, has been attacked, and may be near death. The +ravages of this disease are becoming daily more and more fearful. We have +reason to believe that great numbers die daily in this city. Who may be +the next, God alone knows. I have never realised so much the nearness of +death. Except the Lord keep us this night, we shall be no more in the land +of the living tomorrow. Just now, ten in the evening, the funeral bell is +ringing, and has been ringing the greater part of this evening. It rings +almost all the day. Into Thine hands, O Lord, I commend myself! Here is +Thy poor worthless child! If this night I should be taken in the cholera, +my only hope and trust is in the blood of Jesus Christ, shed for the +remission of all my many sins. I have been thoroughly washed in it, and +the righteousness of God covers me.--As yet there have not been any of the +saints, among whom brother Craik and I labour, taken in the cholera. [Only +one of them fell asleep afterwards in consequence of this disease. I would +observe, that though brother Craik and I visited many cholera cases, by +day and by night, yet the Lord most graciously preserved us and our +families from it.] + +September 17. This morning the Lord, in addition to all His other +mercies, has given us a little girl, who, with her mother, are doing well. + +September 21. On account of the birth of our little one, and brother +Craik's intended marriage, it is needful that we change our lodgings, as +they will now be too small for us, because we shall want one room more. +Just when we were thinking about this, the house belonging to Gideon +chapel, which had been let for three years, was unexpectedly given up by +the tenant, and it was now offered to us by the church. We said we could +not think of going into it, as we had no furniture, and no money to buy +any. The brother who proposed our going into that house, however, replied +that the brethren would gladly furnish it for us, to which we objected, +fearing it would burthen them. When, however, the matter was repeatedly +mentioned, and when it was particularly expressed that it would be a +pleasure to the brethren to furnish the house, we began to consider the +subject in prayer, and we saw no scriptural objection to accept this +kindness, provided the furniture was very plain. This was promised. The +house was furnished, yet the love of the brethren had done it more +expensively than we wished it. + +September 23. Today an individual desired publicly to return thanks to +the Lord, for having been supported under the loss of a child, mother, +brother, and wife, in the cholera, within one month. + +September 25. Last night brother Craik and I were called out of bed to a +poor woman ill in the cholera. She was suffering intensely. We never saw a +case so distressing. We could hardly say any thing to her on account of +her loud cries. I felt as if the cholera was coming upon me. We commended +ourselves into the hands of the Lord when we came home, and He mercifully +preserved us. The poor woman died today. + +Oct. 1. A meeting for inquirers this afternoon from two to five. Many +more are convinced of sin through brother Craik's preaching than my own. +This circumstance led me to inquire into the reasons, which are probably +these:--1. That brother Craik is more spiritually minded than I am. 2. +That he prays more earnestly for the conversion of sinners than I do. 3. +That he more frequently addresses sinners, as such, in his public +ministrations, than I do.--This led me to more frequent and earnest prayer +for the conversion of sinners, and to address them more frequently as +such. The latter had never been intentionally left undone, but it had not +been so frequently brought to my mind as to that of brother Craik. Since +then, the cases in which it has pleased the Lord to use me as an +instrument of conversion have been quite as many as those in which brother +Craik has been used. May the Lord be pleased to use this as a means to +lead any of His servants, who may not have acted according to these two +last points, to seek to do so, and may He graciously enable me to do so +more abundantly! + +October 3. This day we set apart as a day of thanksgiving, the cholera +having decreased. Oct. 5. Prayer meeting this morning as usual. The +cholera is very much decreasing, and the number at our morning prayer +meetings likewise.--Hundreds of people were stirred up at that time, but +many of them, when the judgment of God had passed away, cared no longer +about their souls. Yet a goodly number, who were first led through the +instrumentality of the cholera to seek the Lord, are now breaking bread +with us, and are walking in the fear of the Lord. How merciful in its +results has this heavy judgment been to many! + +January 4, 1833. This morning we received letters from Bagdad. The +missionary brethren there invite brother Craik and me to come and join +them in their labours. The invitation was accompanied by drafts to the +amount of £200., for our traveling expenses. What wilt Thou have me to do, +gracious Lord? I do not know what may be the Lord's mind. There are +points which ought to be much considered and prayed over: There are German +villages not very far from Bagdad, where I might labour; upon our going, +that of certain other individuals may depend; the brethren at Bagdad are +of one mind respecting our going out; good may be done on the way; the +going out without any visible support from a society, simply trusting in +the Lord for the supply of our temporal wants, would be a testimony for +Him; I have had for years a feeling as if one day I should go out as a +missionary to the heathen or Mahomedans; and lastly, the hands of the +brethren at Bagdad may be strengthened; these are the points, which must +appear of no sufficient weight in comparison with the importance of our +work here, before I can determine not to go. + +January 5. I considered with brother Craik about going to Bagdad. We see +nothing clearly. If the Lord will have me to go, here I am. January 7. I +spent again some time in prayer, respecting our going to Bagdad, and +examined more fully into it. January 8. I had from half-past five till +eight this morning to myself in prayer and reading the Word. I prayed +then, and repeatedly besides this day, respecting our going to Bagdad. I +wrote also a letter to some believers at and near Barnstaple, to ask their +prayers concerning this matter. I do not see more clearly than I did +before. January 9. I again asked the Lord concerning Bagdad, but see +nothing clearly respecting it. I told the Lord I should stay at my post, +unless He Himself should most evidently take me away, and I did not feel +afterwards my remaining here to be against His will. January 14. I feel +more and more satisfied that it is not of the Lord that I should go to +Bagdad. January 19. For some days past I have been reading brother Groves' +journal of his residence at Bagdad, both for the sake of information +respecting his position there, and also, if it please the Lord, that He +may use this as a means to show me clearly wether I should go or stay. +Blessed be His name that I have no desire of my own in this matter! +[Forty-seven years have since passed away, and I think I may say this +day still, according to the best of my knowledge, I had no desire of my +own in this matter; but I never saw it to be the Lord's will to leave the +work which He Himself had so evidently given me.] + +February 9. I read a part of Franke's life. The Lord graciously help me +to follow him, as far as he followed Christ. The greater part of the +Lord's people whom we know in Bristol are poor, and if the Lord were to +give us grace to live more as this dear man of God did, we might draw much +more than we have as yet done out of our Heavenly Father's bank, for our +poor brethren and sisters. + +May 27. Today the two churches, assembling at Gideon and Bethesda, met +together at tea.--These meetings we have often repeated, and found them +profitable on several accounts. 1. They give a testimony to the world of +the love of the brethren, by rich and poor meeting thus together to +partake of a meal. 2. Such meetings may be instrumental in uniting the +saints more and more together. 3. They give us a sweet foretaste of our +meeting together at the marriage supper of the Lamb.--At these meetings we +pray and sing together, and any brother has an opportunity to speak what +may tend to the edification of the rest. + +May 28. This morning, whilst sitting in my room, the distress of several +brethren and sisters was brought to my mind, and I said to myself, "Oh +that it might please the Lord to give me means to help them!" About an +hour afterwards I received £60. from a brother, whom up to this day I +never saw, and who then lived, as he does still, at a distance of several +thousand miles. This shows how the Lord can provide in any way for His +people, and that He is not confined to places. Oh that my heart might +overflow with gratitude to the Lord! [Since the first edition was printed, +I have become personally acquainted with the donor.] + +May 29. Review of the last twelve months, since we have been in Bristol, +as it regards the fruits of our labours. 1. It has pleased the Lord to +gather a church, through our instrumentality, at Bethesda, which is +increased to 60 in number, and there have been added to Gideon church 49; +therefore the total number of those added to us within the year, has been +109. 2. There have been converted through our instrumentality, so far as +we have heard and can judge respecting the individuals, 65. 3. Many +backsliders have been reclaimed, and many of the children of God have been +encouraged and strengthened in the way of truth. What clear proofs that we +were not suffered to be mistaken, as it regards our coming to Bristol. + +June 12. I felt, this morning, that we might do something for the souls +of those poor boys and girls, and grown-up or aged people, to whom we have +daily given bread for some time past, in establishing a school for them, +reading the Scriptures to them, and speaking to them about the Lord. As +far as I see at present, it appears well to me to take a place in the +midst of those poor streets near us, to collect the children in the +morning about eight, giving them each a piece of bread for breakfast, and +then to teach them to read, or to read the Scriptures to them, for about +an hour and a half. Afterwards the aged, or grown-up people, may have +their appointed time, when bread may be given to them, and the Scriptures +read and expounded to them, for, perhaps, half an hour. About similar +things I have now and then thought these two years.--There was bread given +to about 30 or 40 persons today; and though the number should increase, in +the above way, to 200 or more, surely our gracious and rich Lord can give +us bread for them also. No sooner had these thoughts arisen, and I +communicated them to my dear brother Craik, than I was also directed to a +place where the people may be assembled, holding comfortably 150 children. +We went about it, and may have it at the rent of 10l., yearly. The Lord +directed us, also, to an aged brother as a teacher, and he gladly accepted +of our offer. Surely, this matter seems to be of God. Moreover, as I have +just now a good deal of money left of the 60l., we have wherewith to +begin; and if it be the Lord's will, and if He will accept it, I am +willing to lay out at once 20l. of it in this way, yea, all that is left, +if He will but speak; and, by the time that this is gone, He can send +more. O Lord, if this matter be of Thee, then prosper it! [This desire was +not carried out. As far as I remember, the chief obstacle in the way was a +pressure of work coming upon brother Craik and me just about that time. +Shortly after, the number of the poor who came for bread increased to +between 60 and 80 a day, whereby our neighbours were molested, as the +beggars were lying about in troops in the streets, on account of which we +were obliged to tell them no longer to come for bread. But though, at this +time, this matter was not carried out, the thought was, from time to time, +revived and strengthened in my mind, and it ultimately issued in the +formation of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution, and in the +establishment of the Orphan-Houses.] + +June 22. A brother sent a hat to brother Craik, and one to me, as a token +of his love and gratitude, like a thank-offering, as he says. This is now +the fourth hat which the Lord has kindly sent me successively, whenever, +or even before, I needed one. Between August 19th and 27th was sent to us, +by several individuals, a considerable quantity of fruit. How very kind of +the Lord, not merely to send us the necessaries of life, but even such +things as, on account of the weakness of our bodies, or the want of +appetite, we might have desired! Thus the Lord has sent wine or porter +when we required it; or, when there was want of appetite, and, on account +of the poverty of our brethren, we should not have considered it right to +spend money upon such things, He has kindly sent fowls, game, &c., to suit +our appetite. We have, indeed, not served a hard Master. I am quite +ashamed when I still, sometimes, find my heart dissatisfied, or, at least, +not grateful as it ought to be. + +December 17. This evening brother Craik and I took tea with a family, of +whom five have been brought to the knowledge of the Lord through our +instrumentality. [When we took tea with them again, about a twelvemonth +afterwards, the number had increased to seven.] As an encouragement to +brethren who may desire to preach the Gospel in a language not their own, +I would mention, that the first member of this family who was converted, +came merely out of curiosity to hear my foreign accent, some words having +been mentioned to her which I did not pronounce properly. Scarcely had she +entered the chapel, when she was led to see herself a sinner. Her +intention had been, to stay only a few minutes. But she felt herself as if +bound to the seat whilst I was speaking, and remained to the close of the +meeting. She then went hastily home, instead of pursuing her pleasures, +washed the paint off her face, stayed at home that Lord's day, till the +meeting began again, and from that day was truly converted. Having found +the Lord, she entreated her brothers and sisters to go and hear the Gospel +preached, who, in doing so, were likewise converted. May my dear +missionary brethren always be mindful that the Lord can bless a few broken +sentences, however badly the words are pronounced, as a means in the +conversion of sinners! + +December 31, 1833. In looking over my journal, I find:--I. That at least +260 persons (according to the number of names we have marked down, but +there have been many more,) have come to converse with us about the +concerns of their souls. Out of these, 153 have been added to us in +fellowship these last eighteen months, 60 of whom have been brought to the +knowledge of the Lord through our instrumentality. Besides these 60, five +have fallen asleep before they were received into communion. In addition +to these, there are many among the inquirers and candidates for +fellowship, whom we have reason to believe God has given to us as seals to +our ministry in this city. Some also were converted through our +instrumentality who are in fellowship with other churches in this city. + +II. In looking over the Lord's dealings with me as to temporal things, I +find that He has sent me, during the past year,-- + +1. In freewill offerings through the boxes, as my part £152 14s. 5 1/4d. + +2. Presents in money given to me £25 1s. 3d. + +3. Presents in clothes and provisions worth at least £20 0s. 0d. + +Altogether from the brethren in Bristol £197 15s. 8 1/4d. + +4. A brother sent me, from a distance of several thousand miles £60 0s. 0d. + +5. We live free of rent, which is worth for our part £10 0s. 0d. + +Totaling £267 15s 8 1/4d. + +It is just now four years since I first began to trust in the Lord alone +for the supply of my temporal wants. My little all I then had, at most +worth 100l. a year, I gave up to the Lord, having then nothing left but +about 5l. The Lord greatly honoured this little sacrifice, and He gave me, +in return, not only as much as I had given up, but considerably more. For +during the first year, He sent me already, in one way or other, (including +what came to me through family connexion) about 130l. During the second +year, 151l. 18s. 8d. During the third year, 195l. 3s. During this year, +267l. 15s. 8 1/4d. The following points require particular notice:--1. +During the last three years and three months I never have asked any one +for any thing; but, by the help of the Lord, I have been enabled at all +times to bring my wants to Him, and He graciously has supplied them all. +And thus, the Lord helping me, I hope to be enabled to go on to the last +moment of my life. 2. At the close of each of these four years, though my +income has been comparatively great, I have had only a few shillings, or +nothing at all left; and thus it is also today, by the help of God. 3. +During the last year a considerable part of my income has come from a +distance of several thousand miles, from a brother whom I never saw. 4. +Since we have been obliged to discontinue the giving away bread to about +50 poor people every day, on account of our neighbours, our income has not +been, during the second part of this year, nearly so great, scarcely +one-half as much, as during the first part of it; as if the Lord +would thereby show us that when the calls upon us are many, He is able +to send in accordingly. Observe this! + +January 1, 1834. It seemed well to brother Craik and me, to have an +especial public meeting for thanksgiving to the Lord, for His many mercies +towards us since we have been in Bristol, and for the great success which +it has pleased Him to grant to our labours; and also for confession of our +sinfulness and unworthiness, and to entreat Him to continue His goodness +towards us. Accordingly we met last evening, and continued together from +seven o'clock till half-past twelve. About four hundred individuals, or +more, met with us on the occasion. + +January 3. This evening, from six to a quarter past ten, we conversed +with inquirers. After we had seen twelve, we had to send away six. There +were several fresh cases of conversion among them. The work of the Lord is +still going on among us. One of the individuals, who has lately been +brought to the knowledge of the truth, used to say in his unconverted +state, when he was tempted not to go to the chapel,--"I will go; the Lord +may bless me one day, and soften my hard heart. "--His expectation has not +come to nothing. + +January 9. Brother Craik and I have preached during these eighteen +months, once a month, at Brislington, a village near Bristol, but have not +seen any fruit of our labours there. This led me, today, very earnestly to +pray to the Lord for the conversion of sinners in that place. I was also, +in the chapel, especially led to pray again about this, and asked the Lord +in particular that He would be pleased to convert, at least, one soul this +evening, that we might have a little encouragement. I preached with much +help, and I hope there has been good done this evening. [The Lord did +according to my request. There was, that evening, a young man brought to +the knowledge of the truth.] + +January 13. The Lord verified in our experience the truths which I had +preached last evening in speaking on "Hast thou not made an hedge about +him, and about his house, and about all that he hath, on every side?" Job +i. 10. Thieves attempted to break into Gideon Chapel. They had broken it +open, but were either smitten with blindness, so as not to see a certain +door which had been left unlocked, or were disturbed before accomplishing +their design; for there was nothing missing. + +January 14. I was greatly tried by the difficulty of fixing upon a text, +from which to preach, on the morning of October 20, and at last preached +without enjoyment. Today I heard of a NINTH instance in which this very +sermon has been blessed. May my brethren in the ministry of the Word be +encouraged by this to go quietly, yet prayerfully, forward in the work of +the Lord! + +January 31. This evening a Dorcas Society was formed among the sisters in +communion with us, but not according to the manner in which we found one +when we came to Bristol; for as we have dismissed all teachers from the +Sunday School who were not believers, so now believing females only will +meet together to make clothes for the poor. The being mixed up with +unbelievers had not only proved a barrier to spiritual conversation among +the sisters, but must have been also injurious to both parties in several +respects. One sister, now united to us in fellowship, acknowledged that +the being connected with the Dorcas Society, previous to her conversion, +had been, in a measure, the means of keeping her in security; as she +thought, that, by helping on such like things, she might gain heaven at +last. Oh that the saints in faithful love, according to the word of God, +(2 Cor. vi. 14-18) might be more separated, in all spiritual matters, from +unbelievers, and not be unequally yoked together with them! + +February 12. I prayed little, read little of the Word, and laboured +little to day. On the whole an unprofitable day. May the Lord in mercy +give me fervency of spirit! + +February 19. Brother Craik preached this evening on Mark iv. 30-41, and +was enabled to give out precious truths. Oh that I did feed more upon +them! For several weeks I have had very little real communion with the +Lord. I long for it. I am cold. I have little love to the Lord. But I am +not, yea, I cannot be satisfied with such a state of heart. Oh that once +more I might be brought to fervency of spirit, and that thus it might +continue with me forever! I long to go home that I maybe with the Lord, +and that I may love Him with all my heart. I fear that the Lord will +chastise me at the time of my dear wife's confinement. Lord Jesus, take +Thy miserable sinful servant soon to Thyself, that I may serve Thee +better! Within the last week I have repeatedly set out, as it were, +afresh; but soon, very soon, all has come again to nothing. The Lord alone +can help me. Oh that it might please Him to bring me into a more spiritual +state! + +February 20. By the mercy of God I was today melted into tears on account +of my state of heart. Oh that it might please the Lord to bring me into a +more spiritual state! February 21. Through the help of the Lord I am +rather in a better state of heart than for some time past.--I was led this +morning to form a plan for establishing, upon scriptural principles, an +Institution for the spread of the Gospel at home and abroad. I trust this +matter is of God.--This evening we had again, from six to half-past ten, a +meeting with inquirers. The work of the Lord is going on among us as much +as ever. Oh that our hearts might overflow with gratitude! Even after we +were worn out to the utmost, we could not see all, but had to send away +several individuals. + +February 25. The inquiries were so many yesterday, that though we +conversed more than four hours with them, we had to appoint another +meeting for today, and saw again several from two till five. I was led +again this day to pray about the forming of a new Missionary Institution, +and felt still more confirmed that we should do so. + +[Some readers may ask why we formed a new Institution for the spread of +the Gospel, and why we did not unite with some of the religious societies, +already in existence, seeing that there are several Missionary-, Bible-, +Tract-, and School Societies. I give, therefore, our reasons, in order to +show, that nothing but the desire to maintain a good conscience led us to +act as we did. For as, by the grace of God, we acknowledged the word of +God as the only rule of action for the disciples of the Lord Jesus, we +found, in comparing the then existing religious Societies with the word of +God, that they departed so far from it, that we could not be united with +them, and yet maintain a good conscience. I only mention here the +following points. + +1. The end which these religious societies propose to themselves, and +which is constantly put before their members, is, that the world will +gradually become better and better, and that at last the whole world will +be converted. To this end there is constantly reference made to the +passage in Habakkuk ii. 14. "For the earth shall be filled with the +knowledge of the glory of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea," or the +one in Isaiah xi. 9, "For the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the +Lord, as the waters cover the sea." But that these passages can have no +reference to the present dispensation, but to the one which will commence +with the return of the Lord, that in the present dispensation things will +not become spiritually better, but rather worse, and that in the present +dispensation it is not the whole world that will be converted, but only a +people gathered out from among the Gentiles for the Lord, is clear from +many passages of the divine testimony, of which I only refer to the +following: Matt. xiii. 24-30, and verse 36-43, 2 Tim. iii. 1-13, Acts. xv. +14. + +A hearty desire for the conversion of sinners, and earnest prayer for it +to the Lord, is quite scriptural; but it is unscriptural to expect the +conversion of the whole world. Such an end we could not propose to +ourselves in the service of the Lord. + +2. But that which is worse, is the connexion of those religious societies +with the world, which is completely contrary to the word of God (2 Cor. +vi. 14-18). In temporal things the children of God need, whilst they +remain here on earth, to make use of the world; but when the work to be +done requires, that those who attend to it should be possessed of +spiritual life (of which unbelievers are utterly destitute), the children +of God are bound, by their loyalty to their Lord, entirely to refrain from +association with the unregenerate. But alas! The connexion with the world +is but too marked in these religious societies; for every one who pays a +guinea, or, in some societies, half-a-guinea, is considered as a member. +Although such an individual may live in sin; although he may manifest to +every one that he does not know the Lord Jesus; if only the guinea or the +half-guinea be paid, he is considered a member, and has a right as such to +vote. Moreover, whoever pays a larger sum, for instance, £10. or £20. can +be, in many societies, a member for life, however openly sinful his life +should be for the time, or should became afterwards. Surely, such things +aught not to be! + +3. The means which are made use of in these religious societies, to +obtain money for the work of the Lord, are also, in other respects, +unscriptural; for it is a most common case to ask the unconverted for +money, which even Abraham would not have done (Genesis xiv. 21-24): and +how much less should we do it, who are not only forbidden to have +fellowship with unbelievers in all such matters (2 Cor. vi. 14-18), but +who are also in fellowship with the Father and the Son, and can therefore +obtain everything from the Lord which we possibly can need in His service, +without being obliged to go to the unconverted world! How altogether +differently the first disciples acted in this respect, we learn from 3 +John 7. + +4. Not merely, however, in these particulars is there a connexion with +the world in these religious societies; but it is not a rare thing for +even Committee Members (the individuals who manage the affairs of the +societies) to be manifestly unconverted persons, if not open enemies to +the truth; and this is suffered because they are rich, or of influence, as +it is called. + +5. It is a most common thing to endeavour to obtain for patrons and +presidents of these societies, and for chairmen at the public meetings, +persons of rank or wealth to attract the public. Never once have I known a +case of a POOR, but very devoted, wise, and experienced servant of Christ +being invited to fill the chair at such public meetings. Surely, the +Galilean fishermen, who were apostles, or our Lord Himself, who was called +the carpenter, would not have been called to this office, according to +these principles. These things ought not so to be among the disciples of +the Lord Jesus, who should not judge with reference to a person's fitness +for service in the Church of Christ by the position he fills in the world, +or by the wealth he possesses! + +6. Almost all these societies contract debts, so that it is a +comparatively rare case to read a Report of any of them, without finding +that they have expended more than they have received, which, however, is +contrary both to the spirit and to the letter of the New Testament. (Rom. +xiii. 8). + +Now, although brother Craik and I were ready, by the grace of God, +heartily to acknowledge that there are not only many true children of God +connected with these religious societies, but that the Lord has also +blessed their efforts in many respects, notwithstanding the existence of +these and other principles and practices which we judged to be +unscriptural, yet it appeared to us to be His will, that we should be +entirely separate from these societies, (though we should be considered as +singular persons, or though it should even appear that we despised other +persons, or would elevate ourselves above them), in order that, by the +blessing of God, we might direct the attention of the children of God in +these societies to their unscriptural practices; and we would rather be +entirely unconnected with these societies than act contrary to the Holy +Scriptures. We therefore separated entirely from them, although we +remained united in brotherly love with individual believers belonging to +them; and would by no means judge them for remaining in connexion with +them, if they do not see that such things are contrary to Scripture. But +seeing them to be so ourselves, we could not with a clear conscience +remain. After we had thus gone on for some time, we considered that it +would have an injurious tendency upon the brethren among whom we laboured, +and also be at variance with the spirit of the Gospel of Christ, if we did +nothing at all for Missionary objects, the circulation of the Holy +Scriptures, Tracts, etc.; and we were therefore led for these and other +reasons to do something for the spread of the Gospel at home and abroad, +however small the beginning might be. This was the origin of the +Institution, of which the following part of my Narrative speaks.] + +March 5. This evening, at a public meeting, brother Craik and I stated +the principles on which we intend to carry on the institution which we +propose to establish for the spread of the Gospel at home and abroad. +There was nothing outwardly influential, either in the number of people +present, or in our speeches. May the Lord graciously be pleased to grant +His blessing upon the institution, which will be called "The Scriptural +Knowledge Institutions for Home and Abroad." + +I. THE PRINCIPLES OF THE INSTITUTION. + +1. We consider every believer bound, in one way or other, to help the +cause of Christ, and we have Scriptural warrant for expecting the Lord's +blessing upon our work of faith and labour of love: and although, +according to Matt. xiii. 24-43, 2 Tim. iii. 1-13, and many other passages, +the world will not be converted before the coming of our Lord Jesus, +still, while He tarries; all Scriptural means ought to be employed for the +ingathering of the elect of God. + +2. The Lord helping us, we do not mean to seek the patronage of the +world; i.e., we never intend to ask unconverted persons of rank or wealth +to countenance this Institution, because this, we consider, would be +dishonourable to the Lord. In the name of our God we set up our banners, +Ps. xx. 5; He alone shall be our Patron, and if He helps us we shall +prosper, and if He is not on our side, we shall not succeed. + +3. We do not mean, to ask unbelievers for money (2 Cor. vi. 14-18); +though we do not feel ourselves warranted to refuse their contributions, +if they, of their own accord should offer them. Acts xxviii. 2-10. + +4. We reject altogether the help of unbelievers in managing or carrying +on the affairs of the Institution. 2 Cor, vi. 14-18. + +5. We intend never to enlarge the field of labour by contracting debts +(Rom. xiii. 8), and afterwards appealing to the Church of Christ for help, +because this we consider to be opposed both to the letter and the spirit +of the New Testament; but in secret prayer, God helping us, we shall carry +the wants of the Institution to the Lord, and act according to the means +that God shall give. + +6. We do not mean to reckon the success of the Institution by the amount +of money given, or the number of Bibles distributed, &c, but by the Lord's +blessing upon the work (Zech. iv. 6); and we expect this, in the +proportion in which He shall help us to wait upon Him in prayer. + +7. While we would avoid aiming after needless singularity, we desire to +go on simply according to Scripture, without compromising the truth; at +the same time thankfully receiving any instruction which experienced +Believers, after prayer, upon Scriptural ground, may have to give us +concerning the Institution. + +II. THE OBJECTS OF THE INSTITUTION ARE: + +1. To assist Day-Schools, Sunday-Schools, and Adult-Schools, in which +instruction is given upon Scriptural principles, and, as far as the Lord +may give the means, and supply us with suitable teachers, and in other +respects make our path plain, to establish Schools of this kind. + +a. By Day-Schools upon Scriptural principles, we understand Day Schools +in which the teachers are godly persons,--in which the way of salvation is +scripturally pointed out,--and in which no instruction is given opposed to +the principles of the gospel. + +b. Sunday-Schools, in which all the teachers are believers, and in which +the Holy Scriptures alone are the foundation of instruction,--are such +only as the Institution assists with the supply of Bibles, Testaments, +&c.; for we consider it unscriptural, that any persons, who do not profess +to know the Lord themselves, should be allowed to give religious +instruction. + +c. The Institution does not assist any Adult-Schools with the supply of +Bibles, Testaments, Spelling Books, &c., except the teachers are believers. + +2. To circulate the Holy Scriptures. + +We sell Bibles and Testaments to poor persons at a reduced price. But +while we, in general, think it better that the Scriptures should be sold, +and not given altogether gratis, still, in cases of extreme poverty, we +think it right to give, without payment, a cheap edition. + +3. The third object of this Institution is, to aid Missionary efforts. + +We desire to assist those Missionaries whose proceedings appear to be +most according to the Scriptures. It is proposed to give such a portion of +the amount of the donations to each of the fore-mentioned objects, as the +Lord may direct; but if none of the objects should claim a more particular +assistance, to lay out an equal portion upon each; yet so, that if any +donor desires to give for one of the objects exclusively, the money shall +be appropriated accordingly. + +March 7. Today we have only one shilling left. Many times also in Bristol +our purse has been either empty or nearly so, though we have not been +brought quite so low as it regards provisions, as was sometimes the case +at Teignmouth. This evening, when we came home from our work, we found a +brother, our tailor, waiting for us, who brought a new suit of clothes +both for brother Craik and me, which a brother, whose name was not to be +mentioned, had ordered for us. March 8. Our brother brought us this +evening also, from the same friend, a new hat for each of us. + +March 10. Some time since, a brother who had been brought to the +knowledge of the Lord through our instrumentality, having been previously +guilty of habitual drunkenness and other open sins, requested with tears +our prayers on behalf of his wife, who, like himself formerly, was still +given to drinking, and who grew worse and worse. About ten days, after he +had spoken to us, it pleased God to begin a work of grace in her heart, in +answer to the many prayers of her husband, and this evening she was added +to us in fellowship. There have come many instances before us, since we +have been in Bristol, in which unbelieving partners have been given to +believing ones, in answer to their prayers; yea, even such as had +threatened to murder their wives, or leave them, they would still continue +to go to our chapels. + +March 19. This afternoon at five, my wife was in much pain, which she +shortly afterwards considered as the token of her hour being near. I +therefore set off to call in a sister, and then I went for the nurse, and +my wife's sister, and our servant, who were at Clifton. The Lord having +graciously speeded all this, I went to Bethesda Chapel, where I had to +preach shortly after. I thought it better to spend the few minutes, which +I had before preaching, in prayer for my wife, than to return home again, +as I should have had to set off directly afterwards, believing that my +mind would be thus more quiet and calm, and that I also might thus help my +dearest wife much more effectually. The Lord most graciously kept me from +excitement and anxiety, so that I went in peace, preached in peace, and +walked home in peace, looking up to Jesus to prepare me for all that might +await me, as I remembered but too well the two former times of my wife's +confinement. I might have asked brother Craik to preach, and have gone +home; but I thought it more honouring the Lord to do His work. In walking +home, the following words were a particular refreshment to me:-- + +Make you His service your delight, + +Your wants shall be His care. + +When I came home, I heard the joyful news, that all was over, and that my +dear Mary had been delivered at twenty minutes past eight of a little boy. +Observe! 1. The Lord graciously sent the medical attendant and the nurse +(the latter nearly three miles off), in the right time. 2. The Lord put it +into my heart to honour Him, by preferring the care of His house to that +of my own, and thus He lovingly spared me three painful hours. May He be +pleased to give me grace more than ever to love and serve Him! + +March 31. Today the brethren and sisters in communion at Bethesda dined +together, having been invited by a sister; and in the evening the churches +of Gideon and Bethesda took tea together. Both times were refreshing +seasons. At dinner we were together from one till half past three, at tea +from five to nine. Both times we prayed repeatedly, sang hymns, read a +little of the Word, and several brethren spoke of the Lord's dealings with +them. + +April 3. Today I have had again much reason to see how weak I am, and how +prone to give way to every sin if I am not kept by God. May He have mercy +upon me, and keep me from bringing an open disgrace upon His holy name! O +wretched man that I am!! + +April 14. Brother and sister Craik and ourselves have been living +together hitherto; but now, as the Lord has given to them one child, and +to us two, and there are but six rooms in our house, so that of late dear +brother Craik and I have had repeatedly to go to another house to be +uninterrupted: we came at last to the conclusion, that it would be better +for our souls and the Lord's work that we should separate. April 15. Today +I received from several sisters 25l. towards furnishing a house. + +April 23. Yesterday and today I had asked the Lord to send us 20l., that +we might be able to procure a larger stock of Bibles and Testaments than +our small funds of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution would allow us to +purchase; and this evening a sister, unasked, promised to give us that +sum, adding that she felt a particular pleasure in circulating the Holy +Scriptures, as the simple reading of them had been the means of bringing +her to the knowledge of the Lord. + +April 26. We have repeatedly conversed about the name which we should +give to our babe; but, being unsettled about it, and considering that in +all our ways we ought to acknowledge the Lord, I gave myself today to +prayer concerning this matter, and the name Elijah, about which I never +had thought, was particularly, whilst praying, impressed on my mind, and +therefore we intend to name the child Elijah, i. e., my God is Jah, +Jehovah. May the Lord in mercy grant Elijah's spirit and Elijah's blessing +to our little one! + +May 4. Today 15l. more was given to me towards furnishing a house. Thus +the Lord has now graciously supplied our need in this particular also. May +13. Today 2l. more was given to us towards furnishing the house, and also +some carpet. May 15. Today we moved into our house, having lived nearly +two years with brother and sister Craik. + +June 4. Today a sister called on me, and I felt irritated at her staying, +after having given her to understand that I had but a few minutes time. I +sinned thus against the Lord. Help Thou me, blessed Jesus, in future! + +June 8. Lord's day. I obtained no text yesterday, notwithstanding +repeated prayer and reading of the Word. This morning I awoke with these +words:--"My grace is sufficient for thee." As soon as I had dressed +myself, I turned to 2 Cor. xii. to consider this passage; but in doing so, +after prayer, I was led to think that I had not been directed to this +portion for the sake of speaking on it as I at first thought, and I +therefore followed my usual practice in such cases, i. e., to read on in +the Scriptures where I left off last evening. In doing so, when I came to +Heb. xi. 13-16, I felt that this was the text. Having prayed, I was +confirmed in it, and in a few minutes the Lord was pleased to open this +passage to me. I preached on it with great enjoyment, both at Gideon and +at Bethesda, particularly in the evening at Bethesda. This help was +evidently from God. May He fill my heart with gratitude, and encourage me +by this, to trust in Him for the future! I now understand why those +words, "My grace is sufficient for thee," were brought to my mind when I +awoke this morning.--[It pleased God, as I have heard since, greatly to +bless what I said on that passage, and at least one soul was brought +through it to the Lord.] + +June 25. These last three days I have had very little real communion with +God, and have therefore been very weak spiritually, and have several times +felt irritability of temper. May God in mercy help me to have more secret +prayer!--Let none expect to have the mastery over his inward corruption in +any degree, without going in his weakness again and again to the Lord for +strength. Nor will prayer with others, or conversing with the brethren, +make up for secret prayer; for I had been engaged in both repeatedly, +during the three previous days, as my journal shows. + +June 26. I was enabled, by the grace of God, to rise early, and I had +nearly two hours in prayer before breakfast. I feel now this morning more +comfortable. May God in mercy help me to walk before Him this day, and to +do His work; and may He keep me from all evil! + +July 5. The Lord very mercifully kept us today from a great calamity, the +apron of our Christian servant having caught fire; but the fire was +extinguished, and she was kept from being burned! + +July 11. I have prayed much about a master for a boys' school, to be +established in connexion with our little Institution. Eight have applied +for the situation, but none seemed to be suitable. Now at last the Lord +has given us a brother, who will commence the work. The Lord allowed us to +call upon Him many times before He answered, but at last He granted our +request. + +July 13. Today we finished reading through the Scriptures, at family +prayer, the second time since we came to Bristol, which is little more +than two years. I mention this circumstance to show how often we may read +through the whole of the Scriptures, though we should read but little +every day, if we go regularly onward. + +August 18. Today brother Craik and I engaged a sister to be governess of +another girls' school, which we intend to establish, in dependence upon +the Lord for supplies. August 27. I had prayed repeatedly, and had read +ten chapters of the Word to get a text, but obtained none, and had to go +this evening to the chapel without knowing on what portion of His Holy +Word the Lord would have me to speak. At the commencement of the meeting I +was directed to Lament. iii. 22-26, on which I spoke with much assistance +and enjoyment. + +September 18. A brother, a tailor, was sent to measure me for new +clothes. My clothes are again getting old, and it is therefore very kind +of the Lord to provide thus. September 25. A brother sent me a new hat +today. + +October 9. Our little institution, established in dependence upon the +Lord, and supplied by Him with means, has now been seven months in +operation, and through it have been benefited with instruction,--1. In the +Sunday-School, about 120 children. 2. In the Adult-School, about 40 +Adults. 3. In the two Day-Schools for boys and, the two Day-Schools for +girls, 209 children, of whom 54 have been entirely free; the others pay +about one-third of the expense. There have been also circulated 482 +Bibles, and 520 New Testaments. Lastly, 57l. has been spent to aid +missionary exertions. The means which the Lord has sent us, as the fruit +of many prayers, during these seven months, amount to 167l. 10s. 0 1/2d. + +October 28. This afternoon brother Craik and I took tea with seven +brethren and sisters, whom the Lord has brought to a knowledge of Himself +through our instrumentality, within the last two years; all but one +belonging to the same family. We heard there a most affecting account of a +poor little orphan boy, who for some time attended one of our schools, and +who seems there, as far as we can judge, to have been brought to a real +concern about his soul, through what I said concerning the torments of +hell, and who some time ago was taken to the poor-house some miles out of +Bristol. He has expressed great sorrow that he can no longer attend our +school and ministry. May this, if it be the Lord's will, lead me to do +something also for the supply of the temporal wants of poor children, the +pressure of which has occasioned this poor boy to be taken away from our +school! + +November 1. Today, our means being completely gone, we had them supplied +in the following manner:--some time since some silver spoons were given +to us, which we never used, from the consideration, that for servants of +Christ it was better, for the sake of example, to use cheaper ones, and +for that reason we had sold our plate at Teignmouth. Yet up to this day +those spoons remained unsold. But now, as we wanted money, we disposed of +them, considering that the kind giver would not be displeased at our doing +so to supply our need. + +November 4. I spent the greater part of the morning in reading the Word +and in prayer, and asked also for our daily bread, for we have scarcely +any money left.--We obtained today two large school-rooms, which we much +needed. Thus the Lord graciously helps us concerning the Institution, and +gives us faith to go forward in the work, enlarging the field more and +more (though we have but little money), yet so that we do not contract +debts. + +November 5. I spent almost the whole of the day in prayer and reading the +Word. I prayed also again for the supply of our own temporal wants, but +the Lord has not as yet appeared. Still my eyes are up to Him. November 8. +Saturday. The Lord has graciously again supplied our temporal wants during +this week, though at the commencement of it we had but little left. I have +prayed much this week for money, more than any other week, as far as I +remember, since we have been in Bristol. The Lord has not answered our +prayers by causing means to be sent in the way of a gift, but has supplied +us through our selling what we did not need, or by our being paid what was +awed to us. + +December 10. Today we found that a departed brother had left both to +brother Craik and me 12l. December 31, 1834.--I. Since brother Craik and I +have been labouring in Bristol, 227 brethren and sisters have been added +to us in fellowship. We found 68 believers in the church at Gideon, so +that now the whole number would be 295, had there been no changes, but it +is only 257; for twelve have fallen asleep; six have left Bristol; twelve +have left the churches during the two years and six months, but are still +in Bristol; eight are under church discipline, respecting some of whom, +however, we hope that they maybe soon restored to communion. Of those 257, +there belong 125 to Bethesda church, and 132 to Gideon church. Out of the +227 who have been added to us, 103 have been converted through our +instrumentality, and many have been brought into the liberty of the +Gospel, or reclaimed from backsliding. Forty-seven young converts are at +Gideon, and fifty-six at Bethesda. Considering that some have fallen +asleep who never were in communion with us, and yet converted through our +instrumentality; and that some are united to other churches in and out of +Bristol; and that many are now standing as candidates for fellowship, of +those who have been given to us in this city, as seals to our ministry; +the number added may be only one-half, or two-thirds of the real number. +May the Lord fill our hearts with gratitude, for having thus condescended +to use us! II. The income which the Lord has given me during +this year is:-- + +1. My part of the freewill offerings through the boxes £135 13s. 2 1/4d. + +2. Money given to me by saints in and out of Bristol £92 7s. 6d. + +Altogether. . . £228 0s. 8 1/4d. + +3. Besides this, many articles in provisions, clothing, and furniture, +worth to us about £60 0s. 0d. + +January 1, 1835. We had last evening an especial prayer-meeting of the +two churches, and any other persons hat chose to attend, for the sake of +praising the Lord for all His many mercies which we have received during +the past year, and to ask Him to continue to us His favour during this +year also. It was open to any of the brethren to pray, as they felt +disposed, and eighteen did so, as I afterwards reckoned. We continued in +prayer and praise, mixed with singing, reading the Word, and exhortation, +from seven in the evening till one in the morning. January 13. From ten +till one in the first part of the day, and from six to half-past eight +this evening, I visited, from house to house, the people living in Orange +Street, and saw in this way the families living in nine houses, to +ascertain whether any individuals wanted Bibles, whether they could read, +whether they wished their children to be put to our Day-Schools or +Sunday-School, with the view of helping them accordingly. This afforded +opportunities to converse with them about their souls. In this way I sold +eight Bibles and two Testaments at reduced prices, and gave away one +Testament; engaged one woman as an adult scholar, one boy as a day +scholar; and spoke besides this to about thirty people about their +souls.--January 15. This morning, from ten till one, I went again from +house to house in Orange Street. I visited nine houses, sold a Bible and +Testament at reduced prices, and engaged, a few children for the +schools, and conversed with fifteen persons about their souls. I +should greatly delight in being frequently engaged in such work, for it +is a most important one; but our hands are so full with other work, that +we can do but little in this way.--January 17. Today brother +Groves arrived from the East Indies. One reason of his coming to +England is, to go to Germany to obtain missionary brethren for the +East Indies, having reason to believe that he will find them there; and +he asked me, on account of my acquaintance with the language, to +accompany him, that thus, through me, he may be enabled to judge about +the state of the brethren, and to communicate to them what +he thinks needful for them to know. This is a most +important work. May the Lord direct me in this matter, and make me +to act according to His will!--I received again today, after prayer +respecting the funds, 10l. for the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution.--January 21. Received, in answer to prayer, from an +unexpected quarter, 5l. for the Scriptural Knowledge Institution. +The Lord pours in, whilst we seek to pour out. For during the past +week, merely among the poor, in going from house to house, fifty-eight +copies of the Scriptures were sold at reduced prices, the going on +with which is most important, but it will require much means. + +January 28. I have, for these several days, again prayed much to +ascertain whether the Lord will have me to go as a missionary to the East +Indies, and I am most willing to go, if He will condescend to use me in +this way. January 29. I have been greatly stirred up to pray about going +to Calcutta as a missionary. May the Lord guide me in this matter! [After +all my repeated and earnest prayer in the commencement of 1835, and +willingness on my part to go, if it were the Lord's will, still He did not +send me.] + +February 4. I have been praying repeatedly and earnestly of late +respecting my journey to the Continent. I desire to go, or not to go, just +as the Lord will have it to be. May He graciously direct me! I feel the +same about going to India. As a means to ascertain the Lord's will, I have +been reading about the Hindoos, that I may know more clearly the state in +which they are. May the Lord in mercy stir me up to care more about their +state, whether it be His will that I should labour personally among them, +or not! + +February 16. I mentioned this evening, before the church at Bethesda, as +also on the 13th before the church at Gideon, that I see it the Lord's +will to go to the Continent, for the sake of assisting brother Groves by +my knowledge of the German language, in conferring with those who may +desire to go out as missionaries. There is not one believer amongst us who +sees any objection to it, and several have expressed that it seems to be +of the Lord, and that thus we could help, as churches, in the going forth +of missionaries. This is very comforting to me, as the Lord confirms me +still more, through this unanimity, in its being His will that I should go. + +February 25. In the name of the Lord, and in dependence upon Him alone +for support, we have established a fifth Day-School for poor children, +which today has been opened. We have now two boys' schools, and three +girls' schools. February 26. This afternoon I left Bristol for the +Continent. + +February 27. London. This morning I went to the Alien Office for my +passport. On entering the office I saw a printed paper, in which it is +stated that every alien neglecting to renew, every six months, his +certificate of residence which he receives on depositing his passport, +subjects himself to a penalty of £50, or imprisonment. This law I have +ignorantly broken ever since I left London in 1829. It appeared to me much +better to confess at once that I had ignorantly done so, than now +willfully break it; trusting in the Lord as it regarded the consequences +of the step. I did so, and the Lord inclined the heart of the officer with +whom I had to do, to pass over my noncompliance with the law, on account +of my having broken it ignorantly. Having obtained my passport, I found an +unexpected difficulty in the Prussian ambassador refusing to sign it, as +it did not contain a description of my person, and therefore I needed to +prove that I was the individual spoken of in the passport. This difficulty +was not removed for three days, when, after earnest prayer, through a +paper signed by same citizens of London, to whom I am known, the +ambassador was satisfied. This very difficulty, when once the Lord had +removed it, afforded me cause for thanksgiving; for I now obtained a new +passport, worded in such a way, that, should I ever need it again, will +prevent similar difficulties. + +March 3. This evening I preached comfortably in Johnstreet Chapel, for +Brother Evans. I never preached in any place where I so much felt that he +who statedly ministers was more worthy than myself. This feeling led me to +earnest prayer, and the Lord heard and assisted me. + +March 7. Dover. Last evening I left London, and arrived here this +morning. The Lord enabled me to confess Him before my fellow-passengers. I +have had a good deal of prayer and reading the Word in quietness, though +staying in an hotel.--March 8. I preached this morning and evening +comfortably in one of the chapels at Dover. March 9. All this day too we +have been obliged to remain at Dover, the sea being so rough that no +packet sails. I spent the day in writing letters, in reading the Word, and +in prayer. We depend entirely upon the Lord as it regards our movements. +This evening we asked the Lord twice, unitedly, that He would be pleased +to calm the wind and the waves, and I now feel quite comfortable in +leaving the matter with Him! + +March 10. The Lord heard our prayer. We awake early in the morning, and +found the wind comparatively calm. We left the hotel before break of day, +to go to the packet. All being in great hurry, on our way towards the sea, +I was separated from brothers G. and Y. I now lifted up my heart to the +Lord, as He generally helps me to do on such occasions, to direct my steps +towards the boat which went out to meet the packet, and I found it almost +immediately. We had, in answer to prayer, a good passage. At Calais we +obtained our passports, luggage out of the custom house, and places in the +diligence without difficulty, and left a little after ten in the morning +for Paris. What a blessed thing it is, in all such matters, to have a +Father to go to for help! What a different thing, also, to travel in the +service of the Lord Jesus, from what it is to travel in the service of the +flesh! + +March 11. Paris. We arrived here about ten this evening. March 12. Today +we went about our passports, and I saw thus a good deal of the best part +of Paris. Blessed be God, my heart is above these things! If ten years +ago, when my poor foolish heart was full of Paris, I had come here, how +should I have been taken up with these palaces, &c.; but now I look at +these things, and my heart does not care about them, What a difference +grace makes! There were few people, perhaps, more passionately fond of +traveling, and seeing fresh places, and new scenes, than myself; but now, +since, by the grace of God, I have seen beauty in the Lord Jesus, I have +lost my taste for these things. + +March 13. We again found difficulty in obtaining our passports, arising, +probably, from a mistake of the police officers. May the Lord order this +matter so, that it shall be for our real welfare!--March 14. By the help +of the Lord we obtained our passports, and brother Groves and I took our +places in the Malle Poste for Strasburg, to leave tomorrow evening. +Brother Y. intends to remain here a few days, on account of his health. + +March 15. This morning I preached in a little chapel in Palais Royal. We +left Paris this evening at six.--March 17. From six o'clock in the evening +of the 15th, till this afternoon at half-past one, when we arrived at +Strasburg, We were continually shut up in the Malle Poste, with the +exception of yesterday morning about seven, and last night about eleven, +when we were allowed half an hour for our meals. I had refreshing +communion with my beloved brother. This quickest of all conveyances in +France carries only two passengers, and we were thus able freely to +converse and to pray together, which was refreshing indeed. Though we had +traveled forty-four hours, yet as we had soon finished our business at +Strasburg, we left this evening for Basle, trusting in the Lord for +strength for the third night's traveling. A little after we had started, +we stuck fast in a new road. I lifted up my heart to the Lord, and we were +soon delivered, otherwise the circumstance, in a cold night, and during a +fall of snow, would have been trying, as we had to get out of the mail. I +now found myself again, after six years, amidst fellow-passengers who +spoke my native language; but alas! they spoke not for Christ. + +March 18. This afternoon we arrived at Basle, where we were very kindly +received by the brethren.--March 23. Basle. These six days we have received +great kindness from the brethren. The Lord has given me an opportunity of +bringing before several who are already engaged in the ministry of the +Word, and before many who intend to give themselves to this work, many +important truths, so that in these opportunities I have been richly repaid +for the journey. This morning I conversed also with three brethren, +journeymen, who have a desire to give themselves to missionary work; but +nothing could be decided now. I awake very faint, but have been mercifully +helped through the work. Brother Groves intends to go to Geneva, and I to +Tubingen, in order to become acquainted with a brother, a student, who is +likely to go out with Brother Groves as a tutor to his sons, and to +combine with this, missionary service. + +During my stay at Basle I attended one day a meeting at which a venerable +pious clergyman expounded the Greek New Testament to several brethren, who +purposed to give themselves to missionary service. The passage to which +this dear aged brother had then come, in the original of the New +Testament, was 1 Peter iii. 1, 2, which, in our English translation, reads +thus: "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if +any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the +conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation +coupled with fear." After this aged brother had expounded the passage, he +related a circumstance which had occurred in his own days, and under his +own eyes, at Basle, which has appeared to me so encouraging for those +children of God who have unbelieving relatives, and especially for sisters +in the Lord who have unbelieving husbands; and which, at the same time, is +such a beautiful illustration of 1 Peter iii, 1.; that I judge it +desirable to insert the narrative of this fact here. I will do so as +exactly as I remember it. There lived at Basle an opulent citizen, whose +wife was a believer, but he himself feared not the Lord. His practice was, +to spend his evenings in a wine-house, where he would often tarry till +eleven, twelve, or even one o'clock. On such occasions his wife always +used to send her servants to bed, and sat up herself; to await the return +of her husband. When at last he came, she used to receive him most kindly, +never reproach him in the least, either at the time or afterwards, nor +complain at all on account of his late hours, by which she was kept from +seasonable rest. Moreover, if it should be needful to assist him in +undressing himself, when he had drunk to excess, she would do this also in +a very kind and meek way. Thus it went on for a long time. One evening, +this gentleman was again, as usual, in a wine-house, and having tarried +there with his merry companions till midnight, he said to them: "I bet, +that if we go to my house, we shall find my wife sitting up and waiting +for me, and she herself will come to the door and receive us very kindly; +and if I ask her to prepare us a supper, she will do it at once without +the least murmur, or unkind expression, or look." His companions in sin +did not believe his statement. At last, however, after some more +conversation about this strange statement, (as it appeared to them,) it +was agreed that they would all go, to see this kind wife. Accordingly they +went, and, after they had knocked, found the door immediately opened by +the lady herself, and they were all courteously and kindly received by +her. The party having entered, the master of the house asked his wife to +prepare supper for them, which she, in the meekest way, at once agreed to +do; and, after awhile, supper was served by herself; without the least +sign of dissatisfaction, or murmur, or complaint. Having now prepared all +for the company, she retired from the party to her room. When she had left +the party, one of the gentlemen said: "What a wicked and cruel man you +are, thus to torment so kind a wife." He then took his hat and stick, and, +without touching a morsel of the supper, went away. Another made a similar +remark, and left, without touching the supper. Thus one after another +left, till they were all gone, without tasting the supper. The master of +the house was now left alone, and the Spirit of God brought before him all +his dreadful wickedness, and especially his great sins towards his wife; +and the party had not left the house half an hour, before he went to his +wife's room, requesting her to pray for him, told her that he felt himself +a great sinner, and asked her forgiveness for all his behaviour towards +her. From that time he became a disciple of the Lord Jesus. + +Observe here, dear reader, the following points in particular, which I +affectionately commend to your consideration: 1, The wife acted in +accordance with 1 Peter iii. 1. She kept her place as being in subjection, +and the Lord owned it. 2, She reproached not her husband, but meekly and +kindly served him when he used to come home. 3, She did not allow the +servants to sit up for their master, but sat up herself; thus honouring +him as her head and superior, and concealed also, as far as she was able, +her husband's shame from the servants. 4, In all probability a part of +those hours, during which she had to sit up, was spent in prayer for her +husband, or in reading the word of God, to gather fresh strength for all +the trials connected with her position. But whether this was the case or +not, it is certain that thus, under similar circumstances, the time might +be spent, and it would then indeed be spent profitably. 5, Be not +discouraged if you have to suffer from unconverted relatives. Perhaps very +shortly the Lord may give you the desire of your heart, and answer your +prayer for them; but in the meantime seek to commend the truth, not by +reproaching them on account of their behaviour towards you, but by +manifesting towards them the meekness, gentleness, and kindness of the +Lord Jesus Christ. + +March 25. Tubingen in Wirtemberg. The day before yesterday I left Basle +in the afternoon. The Lord enabled me to confess Him before a young man +and his wife, who were going to Vienna to increase their riches. What a +mercy that grace has made me to differ, and that I travel the service of +another master! They listened very attentively, and were not at all +opposed. They also esteem the people of God, and have been in the habit of +meeting with them. Our parting was very affectionate and solemn, after I +had charged them to care earnestly about the one thing needful. + +I arrived, yesterday morning at six, at Schaffhausen. I found a brother +waiting for me at the post office, a gentleman of title, who, having been +informed by brethren at Basle of my arrival, kindly took me to his house +for the two hours I had to stay in that town, to refresh my body with +breakfast, and my soul with communion with the brethren whom he had +invited to meet me. I was in this town about ten years ago. I was now +again within a short distance of the fall of the Rhine, which was then +most attractive to me. Now I considered that my time could be spent much +more profitably than by going there. The little time that I was at +Schaffhausen, I received much information concerning the state of the +church in many parts of the Continent, from a believing physician and a +clergyman; and I also communicated things which, with God's blessing, may +be profitable. After this I continued my journey to Tubingen. It was with +peculiar feelings; for all this way I had traversed nearly ten years ago, +to gratify my natural desire for travelling, and now I went over the same +ground in the service of the Lord Jesus. + +I arrived here this morning at nine, having been strengthened to travel +two nights and a day and a half, though I left Basle very weak. This +morning I saw brother Gundert, the student of divinity, on whose account I +am here, and spent about three hours in conversation with him. Afterwards +I called on a Christian professor in the university, who received me +kindly. This evening I had a meeting with the believing students, for whom +the Lord gave me a word. + +March 26. This morning I drove with brother Gundert to Stuttgart, both +for the sake of seeing more of him, and also that we might unitedly talk +over the matter with his father, who lives there. I am now staying at the +house of brother Gundert senior, where I am kindly lodged. I think brother +Gundert junior, will go to the East Indies. His father is not only willing +to give him up for the Lord's sake, but seems to consider it an honour to +have a son to give to the Lord in this way. This evening I again met +several brethren, to whom I spoke about the things of God. + +March 30. Halle. From the evening of the 27th till this afternoon, when I +arrived here, I have traveled day and night, and have been strengthened by +the Lord for it. The whole of this way, several hundred miles, I had gone +step by step before. My thoughts were peculiarly affecting, as I retraced +the mercies which I had experienced at the hands of God.--The Lord enabled +me repeatedly to confess His name before my changing fellow-travelers. A +student spoke to me about the peculiarly good and cheap wine of Weinheim, +near Heidelberg. I told him that when, years ago, as a student like +himself, I came through that place, I cared about such things, but that +now I knew what was much better than wine.--Yesterday a Frenchman, having +heard my testimony for Jesus once or twice, when the last merry companion +had left the coach, quitted my society, it being too dull for him, and +joined himself to an officer in the army, sitting in the forepart of the +coach. (The coach was divided into the forepart and inside.) This gave me +a blessed and most refreshing opportunity to pray for about an hour aloud +in the coach, which strengthened and refreshed my soul. It was +particularly kind of the Lord to give me an opportunity of praying aloud, +as, on account of having then already traveled forty-eight hours +uninterruptedly, my body was too tired to allow me to continue for any +length of time in mental prayer.--Yesterday afternoon, at Eisenach +(situated just under the hill on which stands the decayed castle called +the Wartburg, where Luther translated the Holy Scriptures), I saw fearful +scenes of profanity. How has the candlestick been removed!--This afternoon +I reached Halle, where it pleased the Lord to bring me to the knowledge of +Himself, having been graciously preserved hitherto, though a spring was +found broken when I got out of the mail. I greatly needed rest, but my +heart was too full. I could not sleep. I went first to the house of the +brother, where I was first impressed, and afterwards I called on my +esteemed tutor, professor Dr. Tholuck, counsellor of the Consistory, who +received me, after seven years' separation, with his former kindness and +brotherly love. (He made me lodge with him, and gave thereby a testimony +that differences of views, concerning certain parts of God's truth, ought +not to separate the children of God; for I had written to him my mind from +Bristol two years before.) + +March 31. Today I rode with Dr. Tholuck and two young brethren to a +believing clergyman, living in the neighbourhood of Halle, where we spent +the day. Dr. Tholuck told me many encouraging things, particularly this, +that several of my former fellow-students, who, at the time when I was at +Halle, knew not the Lord, had been brought to know Him since, and are now +labouring in His vineyard. And further, that certain brethren, formerly +very weak in the faith, had been established, and are now going on well. +May this encourage the heart of the believing reader still to pray for his +unconverted friends, and may it strengthen him to hope for better days +concerning those of his brethren in the Lord who are now weak in the faith! + +April 1. Today I saw a clergyman, in whom I recognized an individual who +studied at Halle, whilst I was there, living then in open sin, and who is +now, by divine mercy, pointing sinners to the Lamb of God. In the evening +I went to the large Orphan-house, built, in dependence on the Lord, by A. +H. Franke, to see one of the classical teachers, who is the son of my +father's neighbour, and whom I had not seen for about fifteen years. I +found him, to the joy of my heart, to be a brother in the Lord. This +evening I spent in the same room where it pleased the Lord to begin a work +of grace in my heart, with several of the same brethren and sisters with +whom I used to meet seven years ago, and told them of the Lord's +faithfulness, gentleness, kindness, and forbearance towards me, since I +had seen them last. Truly how good has the Lord been to me since! + +April 2. This morning I again spent in calling on the brethren and +sisters, being enabled, every where, before learned and unlearned, to +testify about the blessedness of adhering to the Scriptures as our only +guide in spiritual things. I left Halle this afternoon, having received +much love from the brethren, and drove fifteen miles further, to a beloved +brother and old friend, brother Stahlschmidt at Sandersleben, who has +shown me much kindness even since I have been in England. I was received +with much love by this brother and his dear wife, and his man servant, +also a beloved brother. [This brother (the man servant) I met fifty-four +years ago at Gnadau, a Moravian settlement, where I several times spent a +few days for the refreshment of my soul, to which place he also came, a +distance of about forty-five miles, for the same purpose. He was then +living with a farmer, ploughing his fields, &c. At that time our hearts +were knit together; for I wish it to be understood by any unconverted +reader, that, whilst I should at one time have looked with scorn upon such +a person, if he had attempted to be familiar with me, now the love of +Jesus, in whom we were one, filled my heart with love to him, and these +outward distinctions were broken down. In consequence of this +acquaintance, he wrote me several letters to Halle, and I wrote to him. +Those letters were particularly refreshing and spiritual, and therefore I +read them to other brethren, and also to brother Stahlschmidt, a wine +merchant. On account of this, he had a great desire to have brother Kroll +living in his house. The Lord, after a time, brought it about, and this +brother lived with him above forty years, and was a friend, a brother, and +a most faithful servant to this merchant, so that his considerable +business was in a great measure intrusted to him; and yet he treated his +master with all due respect, and kept his place as a servant. This latter +point is very important, and brings glory to God. For whilst a believing +master should treat a believing servant with all kindness and brotherly +love; yet the believing servant should with all obedience, with all +faithfulness, and particularly with due respect, treat his believing +master or mistress.] + +April 3. Sandersleben. Today I saw several brethren and sisters, and +among others a brother, who is in about the same state in which he was +eight years ago. He has very little enjoyment, and makes no progress in +the things of God. The reason is, that, against his conscience, he remains +in a calling, which is opposed to the profession of a believer. We are +exhorted in Scripture to abide in our calling; but only if we can abide in +it "with God." 1 Cor. vii. 24.--This evening a believing clergyman, and the +brethren and sisters of this small town and some neighbouring villages, +were collected together in brother Stahlschmidt's house, and I spoke to +them for two hours about the things of God, particularly about the way in +which God has led me, since I saw them, and sought to strengthen their +hands in God, and exhorted them to give themselves fully to the Lord. It +was a time of refreshing. Indeed, the Lord has greatly refreshed my own +soul, at Basle, Tubingen, Stuttgart, Halle, and elsewhere, whenever I have +spoken well of His name. The child of God should make it his particular +business to encourage sinners to seek after the Lord, and to increase the +faith and love of the brethren, through speaking well of the name of the +Lord. + +April 4. I left Sandersleben this morning. My brother and host acted +according to 3 John, 5 and 6; for he sent me on ten miles in his carriage. + +When I arrived at Aschersleben, to which place brother Stahlschmidt had +conveyed me, I had but one station more to my father's house. On the way I +asked the driver about a certain individual, with whom I studied at Halle, +once a companion with me in open sin. I found that he is still in the same +state. What a difference has grace made between him and me! Nothing, +nothing but grace has made this difference! I, guilty sinner, might now be +still on the same road, and he, in my room, might have been plucked as a +brand out of the fire. But it is not so. May the Lord help me to love him +much, very much, for His distinguishing grace!--Such feelings I had in +particular this afternoon, when I saw the town before me in which my +father lives, as there are but two in the whole place, as far as I can +find out, who love the Lord. How different is everything with me now from +what it was when, as a wicked youth, I used to go to this town, at the +time of my vacation. How truly happy am I now! How is my heart now raised +above all those things in which I sought, and also fancied I found +happiness! Truly all these things are like bubbles to me now! My heart is +not here; yea, my heart is not even in England. My heart is, at least in a +measure, in heaven, though I am still nothing but a poor weak worm. I felt +the solemnity and importance of having once more the privilege of seeing +my aged father. I also felt the importance of being at the place, where I +had spent much of my time in my youth, and where I had been known as +living in sin. My desire was, that I might be enabled to walk, the three +days I intended to stay there, as it becomes a servant of Christ. For this +I had been led to prayer before I left Bristol, and since I have been on +the Continent. At last I arrived at my father's house. How affecting to +meet him once more! + +April 5. Heimersleben. This afternoon a friend of my father called-one +who knows not the Lord. After a few minutes the Lord gave me an +opportunity of setting before him the fundamental truths of the Gospel, +and the joy and comfort they afford, and have afforded to me. Thus a way +was opened to me of stating the truth more fully than ever I had been able +to do before, by word of mouth, in the presence of my father and brother, +without saying to them, "Thou art the man." I was assisted by the Lord. +May He water the seed sown! This evening I went to the only two brethren +in this little town, thus to own them as such. It has appeared well to me +to call on none whom I know, else I should be expected to call on all; and +as I see it right to spend but three days here, I consider that that +little time should be wholly given to my father, as it may be the last +time that I shall see him; yet, at the same time, I judged that it was +well pleasing in the sight of the Lord, that I should call on these +brethren to strengthen their hands. + +When I saw these brethren last, in February, 1829, two or three more used +to meet with them; but since then the reproach of the cross has driven the +others back into the world. From that time, these brethren have scarcely +seen a believer, and never hear the Gospel preached; it was therefore a +great joy to them to see me. They told me that the Lord had blessed my +last visit to them; and having been informed of my coming, they were +prepared to ask me many questions. One of them, Knabe, about thirty years +ago being possessed of property, was persuaded to lay it out in coal +mines. He joined with two men who spent his property, and after some time +they became bankrupts, so that there was not money enough to pay the +workmen and some other creditors, even after all their goods had been +sold. This evening brother Knabe asked me what he ought to do about the +money which had been left unpaid three and twenty years; whether he was +still under an obligation to pay it, if he could. My answer was at once +that he was, being in the sight of the Lord still a debtor, though cleared +by the laws of men. He then told me, that some years since some property +was left to him, and that he also, in the years 1816, 1817, and 1818, when +the corn prices were very high, had laid by some money, and that therefore +he was fully able to pay the debt. He saw immediately that this was the +right way, and said that he would act accordingly. He added that now he +saw why he had made so little progress in divine things. I have learned +that this brother has lately taken two destitute orphans into his house, +whom he entirely supports by the labour of his hands (he earns his bread +by thrashing corn), and that the people, though they consider him, on +account of his love for the Lord, a weak and foolish person, yet look upon +him with respect. + +April 6. I spent this morning in answering questions which my father put +to me about secular things in England. This I did for the following +reasons:--1. I had scarcely ever spoken about these things in my letters, +indeed so little, that my father told me, he had often intended to ask me +whether it was forbidden in England to send letters abroad about such +matters, as I never wrote about them. I had refrained from doing so, +partly, on account of want of time; and, partly, because I had better +things to write about, wishing to direct his mind to the things of God. 2. +Now, however, I spoke on these subjects, because I particularly desired to +be as kind, affectionate, and obliging as I conscientiously could, +considering that this was the testimony I was especially called on to +give. Formerly I had much pressed the things of God on him, and not with +sufficient tenderness, knowing not then experimentally the helplessness of +the creature. After it had pleased the Lord to show me the truth more +clearly, in the summer of 1829, I wrote in a different way; but in the +commencement of the year 1833 I felt pressed in spirit once more, most +fully, not so much as a son, but as a servant of Christ, to write, and to +point out to him minutely his state, showing him the danger of his soul, +the grounds of which I fully laid before him. When this, as formerly, +greatly displeased him, I ceased to speak any more in this way, and from +that time I aimed and still aim more and more to show him love in action, +as it becomes a believing son, telling him only how happy I am--how I am +supported under such and such trials--how I am not caring about certain +things as formerly I did--in what an awful state I was once living, and how +God brought me out of it; and how any sinner, by forsaking his evil ways, +and believing on the Lord Jesus, may be brought to the same joy and +happiness, and what a delight it would be to me to meet my father at last +in heaven, &c. Since I have corresponded with him in this way, things have +been very comfortable, though I have brought as much truth before him as +formerly, and though I have never sent a letter without speaking, +comparatively, much about these things. On the same ground I have not on +this visit spoken directly to my father about the state of his soul, +though he has more than ever heard the truth from my lips. God has indeed +been with me, and I believe that I have been led by Him to pursue this +course. Different, however, has been the way in which I have dealt with my +unconverted brother; for the relationship in which I stand to him is a +different one. For this afternoon, I not only pointed out to him his +danger, but spoke also respecting his sins, and have done so in my +letters, and intend to do so still, if the Lord permit. + +This afternoon brother Knabe called on me. He told me that he had already +experienced a trial on account of his intention to pay the money, as his +wife tried to keep him from it, by endeavouring to persuade him that God +does not require him to do such a thing, as he has taken two orphan +children into his house. He nevertheless is determined to do it. He saw, +however, another difficulty, which was, that, when he looked over the +papers containing the names of his creditors, it was found that all but +three, out of about thirty, were dead, and he did not know what to do +concerning them. I told him to go to those places where his creditors used +to live, and he might find, perhaps, some needy widows and fatherless +children, whom they had left behind; and, if not, he should inquire after +the lawful heirs, and pay the money to them. He saw with me, and declared +his full intention to do so, whatever it might cost, and seemed truly glad +that God at last, through my advice, had delivered him from this burden; +for from time to time the matter had pressed on his conscience that he +ought to do it.--I spent this evening in relating to my father and brother +some of the Lord's dealings with me in England, particularly how He has +graciously provided for my temporal wants in answer to prayer, and they +both seemed to feel, for the moment at least the blessedness of +such a life. + +April 7. I saw brother Knabe this morning, who is still determined to pay +the money, though tried by his wife. I exhorted him to steadfastness. I +also saw some persons who called on me to hear about England, for every +one of whom the Lord gave me a word without any effort. It was especially +so last night. A friend of my father, a Roman Catholic, called, and I was +enabled to set the truths of the gospel before him, with their blessed +effects, without entering upon the Roman Catholic controversy.--A part of +this morning I spent in walking about with my father to see one of his +gardens, and some of his fields, because I knew it would give him +pleasure; and I felt that I ought in every way to show him kindness and +attention, as far as I conscientiously could. Tomorrow, God willing, I +intend to leave, and to return to England. The Lord, in His rich mercy, in +answer to my prayer, has enabled me so to walk before my father, and has +also impressed what I have said so far upon his heart, as to cause him to +say today, "May God help me to follow your example, and to act according +to what you have said to me." + +April 9. Celle. Yesterday morning I drove with my father to Halberstadt, +where, with many tears, he separated from me. I was alone in the mail, +which was a great comfort to me. It was a solemn time. I found myself +again on the road to Brunswick, which I had traversed twice in the service +of the devil, and now I was traveling on it in the name of Jesus. I +discerned, in passing, the inn at Wolfenbuttel, from whence I intended to +run away, and where I was arrested. How peculiar were my feelings! In the +evening we reached Brunswick, from whence we started the same night. +During the night I heard a fearfully wicked, most profligate, infidel, and +scoffing conversation between the conducteur and a student, and the only +testimony I gave was, complete silence all the time. I arrived here this +morning at eight, and have been here all the morning, as the mail will not +start for Hamburg until four this afternoon. It has been far from well +with me in my soul today. That awful conversation last night has been +spiritual poison to me. How's very soon do we, even unconsciously, receive +evil! + +April 10. Hamburg. I arrived here at ten this morning.--April 11. I went +on board last night, and at twelve we sailed. This morning at half-past +eleven we arrived at Cuxhaven, where we cast anchor, on account of a +strong contrary wind.--April 13. Though I desired as much, perhaps, as any +of the passengers speedily to get to the end of our voyage, longing to get +back again to my work in Bristol, and also to my wife and children, yet I +was kept in peace; and whilst some murmured at the contrary wind, the Lord +enabled me to lift up my heart in prayer that He would calm it, if it were +His holy will, and, accordingly, after a delay of about nineteen hours, we +plied again yesterday morning, at seven. At ten I was taken with sea +sickness, from which I had been kept during my four previous short voyages +in answer to prayer; but this time I on purpose refrained from praying +about it, as I did not know whether it was better for my health to be +seasick or not. The sickness continued the whole of yesterday. Today I am +well. We have fine and calm weather. I consider it a mercy that the Lord +has allowed me to be sea-sick. + +April 15. Bristol. Yesterday at one we landed in London. In answer to +prayer I soon obtained my things from the Custom-house, and reached my +friends in Chancery Lane a little before two, where I found a letter from +my wife, stating that brother Craik is ill, having an inflammation in the +wind-pipe, and therefore, humanly speaking, will be unable to preach for +some time. In consequence of this I started immediately for Bristol, where +I arrived this morning. I found brother Craik better than I had expected, +though completely unable to attend to the ministry of the Word. + +April 16. Today brother Craik and I received 11l. 15s. 9d. each, being a +legacy left to us some time since. We said once or twice to one another, +that perhaps this money might be paid at a time when we much needed it. +And so it is just now. May I and all my brethren leave the management of +all our affairs entirely to the Lord, who best knows what is good for us; +and may it be our concern to seek first the kingdom of God and His +righteousness, and all temporal supplies shall be added to us! + +May 1. I went to see brother Craik, and found him better, but heard from +his medical attendant that he ought not to preach for several months. May +5. My father-in-law has been for several days very ill. May 15. Mr. Groves +continues very ill. May 29. This morning brother Craik went into +Devonshire for change of air. + +June 3. Today we had a public meeting on account of the Scriptural +Knowledge Institution for home and abroad. It is now fifteen months, +since, in dependence upon the Lord for the supply of means, we have been +enabled to provide poor children with schooling, circulate the Holy +Scriptures, and aid missionary labours. During this time, though the field +of labour has been continually enlarged, and though we have now and then +been brought low in funds, the Lord has never allowed us to be obliged to +stop the work. We have been enabled during this time to establish three +day-schools, and to connect with the Institution two other charity +day-schools, which, humanly speaking, otherwise would have been closed for +want of means. In addition to this, the expenses connected with a +Sunday-school and an adult school have been likewise defrayed, making seven +schools altogether. The number of the children that have been thus +provided with schooling, in the day-schools only, amounts to 439. The +number of copies of the Holy Scriptures, which have been circulated, is +795 Bibles and 753 New Testaments. We have also sent, in aid of missionary +labours in Canada, in the East Indies, and on the Continent of Europe, +117l. 11s. The whole amount of the free-will offerings put into our hands +for carrying on this work, from March 5, 1834, to May 19, 1835, is 363l. +12s. 0 3/4d. + +June 20. Our father is evidently today near his end. June 22. This +morning at two our father died. June 23. Both our children are ill. June +24. Our little boy is very ill. June 25. The dear little boy is so ill, +that I have no hope of his recovery. The disease is inflammation on the +chest. I spoke this evening comfortably at Gideon, on Psalm cxlv. 1-4, +thinking it right that neither the death of my father-in-law, nor my dying +child should keep me from the Lord's work. The Lord's holy will be done +concerning the dear little one. June 26. My prayer last evening was, that +God would be pleased to support my dear wife under the trial, should He +remove the little one; and to take him soon to Himself, thus sparing him +from suffering. I did not pray for the child's recovery. It was but two +hours after that the dear little one went home. The eldest and the +youngest the Lord has thus removed from our family in the same week. My +dear Mary feels her loss much, but yet is greatly supported. As to myself, +I am so fully enabled to realize that the dear infant is so much better +off with the Lord Jesus than with us, that I scarcely feel the loss at +all, and when I weep, I weep for joy. + +June 27. My dear wife is graciously supported. May the Lord grant that +these afflictions may not be lost upon us! June 28. I preached today both +times comfortably. June 29. This morning was the funeral. The remains of +our father and infant were put into the same grave. + +July 3. Our taxes are due, and may be called for any day, and for the +first time we have no money to pay them, as we were obliged, on account of +our late afflictions, to spend the money which we had put by for them. May +the Lord in mercy provide! July 6. I was enabled today, by the free-will +offerings through the boxes, and by what I had left, to pay the taxes +before they were called for. How kind of the Lord to answer my prayer so +soon! July 8. This evening I had 5l. sent from Weston-super-Mare. So the +Lord has again appeared. May I praise His holy name for this seasonable +help, which came when I had scarcely any money left! July 14. Today I had +again a suit of new clothes given to me by a brother. My clothes were much +worn and old, and our late funeral might have given a second reason for +having new ones. But I did not order any, because I had no money to pay +for them, and thought it wrong to contract debts.--A fresh paper was +brought in today for taxes, which ought to have been asked for many months +since. May the Lord give us the means to pay them! + +July 15. We had again an especial prayer-meeting for the restoration of +brother Craik, who, though well in his general health, is yet unable to +preach, or even to converse for any length of time. July 18. I have felt +for several days weak in my chest. This weakness has been increasing, and +today I have felt it more than ever. I have thought it well to refrain +next week from all public speaking. May the Lord grant that I may be +brought nearer to Him through this, for I am not at all in the state in +which I ought to be, and I think sometimes that our late afflictions have +been lost upon me, and that the Lord will need to chastise me severely. + +July 22. The last mentioned taxes were called for this morning, just +after the Lord had sent us 5l., from a distance of about eighty miles. So +the Lord has again of late, repeatedly, in answer to prayer, sent help. +May this lead us to trust in Him for the future! July 28. Since the 14th I +have felt unwell, and though sometimes a little better, on the whole I +have been getting worse and worse. This morning I have seen our medical +attendant, who thinks that all the disease arises from a disordered +stomach. + + + +July 31. Today brother C-r, formerly a minister in the establishment, who +came to us a few days since, began, in connexion with the Scriptural +Knowledge Institution, to go from house to house, to spread the truth as a +city missionary. [This was a remarkable interposition of God. Brother +Craik had before this, for some months, been unable on account of bodily +infirmity, to labour in the work of the schools, the circulation of the +Scriptures, &c., and my own weakness, shortly after brother C-r's arrival, +increased so that I was obliged to give up the work entirely: How +gracious, therefore, of the Lord, to send brother C-r, that thus the work +might go on! Up to July, 1837, this brother was enabled to continue in his +work, and thus this little Institution was in a most important way +enlarged as it regards the field of labour.] + +August 15. Today dear brother Craik returned from Devonshire, much better +in his general health, but not better as it regards his voice.--August 24. +I feel very weak, and suffer more than before from the disease. I am in +doubt whether to leave Bristol entirely for a time. I have no money to go +away for a change of air. I have had an invitation to stay for a week with +a sister in the country, and I think of accepting the invitation, and +going tomorrow. August 26. Today I had 5l. given to me for the express +purpose of using change of air. Aug. 29. Today I received another 5l. for +the same purpose. + +August 30. Today, for the first Lord's day since our arrival in Bristol, +I have been kept from preaching through illness. How mercifully has the +Lord dealt in giving me so much strength for these years! I had another +5l. sent, to aid me in procuring change of air. How kind is the Lord in +thus providing me with the means of leaving Bristol! September 2. Went +with my family to Portishead. September 3 to 5. I read the lives of the +English martyrs at the time of the reformation. My spirit has been greatly +refreshed. May the Lord help me to follow these holy men as far as they +followed Christ! Of all reading, besides that of the Holy Scriptures, +which should be always THE book, THE CHIEF book to us, not merely in +theory, but also in practice, such like books seem to me the most useful +for the growth of the inner man. Yet one has to be cautious in the choice, +and to guard against reading too much. At such a time as the present, when +my mind and body are too weak for much exertion, as the study of the Word, +conversation, writing letters, or walking, &c., I find it most refreshing +to read a few pages of this kind, though these last six years I have not +read the fifth part, perhaps not the tenth part as much of other books as +of the Holy Scriptures. + +September 14. We are still at Portishead. I am but little better. I am +greatly bowed down today on account of my inward corruptions and carnality +of heart. When will God deliver me from this state?! How I long to be more +like Him! My present way of living is also a great trial to me. The caring +so much about the body; the having for my chief employment eating and +drinking, walking, bathing, and taking horse exercise; all this to which I +have not been at all accustomed these six years, I find to be very trying. +I would much rather be again in the midst of the work in Bristol, if my +Lord will condescend to use His most unworthy servant. + +September 15. As I clearly understood that the person, who lets me his +horse, has no license, I saw, that being bound as a believer to act +according to the laws of the country, I could use it no longer: and as +horse exercise seems most important, humanly speaking, for my restoration, +and as this is the only horse, which is to be had in the place, we came to +the conclusion to leave Portishead tomorrow. Immediately after, I received +a kind letter from a brother and two sisters in the Lord, who lived in the +Isle of Wight, which contained a fourth invitation, more pressing than +ever, to come and stay with them for some time. In addition to this, they +wrote that they had repeatedly prayed about the matter, and were persuaded +that I ought to come. This matter has been today a subject for prayer and +consideration to us. + +September 16. We came this morning to the conclusion to leave Portishead +today, and that I should go to the Isle of Wight; but we saw not how my +wife and child and our servant could accompany me, as we had not +sufficient money for traveling expenses; and yet this seemed of +importance, as otherwise my wife would be overburdened in my absence, and +my mind would not be sufficiently free; and besides this, she also seems +to need change of air. The Lord graciously removed the difficulty this +evening; for we received most unexpectedly and unasked for 6l. 13s., which +was owed to us, and, also, when we had already retired to rest, a letter +was brought, containing a present of 2l. How very, very kind, and tender +is the Lord! + +September 19. This evening we arrived at our friends' in the Isle of +Wight, by whom we were most kindly received.--September 21 to 26. Nothing +remarkable has occurred. I feel very comfortable in this place, and find +my stay here refreshing to my soul. My health is about the same. I am not +fit for mental exercise, and am soon fatigued even by conversation. I have +read during the last days, with great interest and admiration of the +goodness of God, and to the refreshment of my soul, the life of John +Newton, and the lives of some of the English martyrs at the time of the +reformation. + +Sept. 27. Today I am thirty years of age. I feel myself an unprofitable +servant. How much more might I have lived for God than I have done! May +the Lord grant, that, if I am allowed to stay a few days more in this +world, they may be spent entirely for Him! September 29. Last evening, +when I retired from the family, I had a desire to go to rest at once, for +I had prayed a short while before; and feeling weak in body, the coldness +of the night was a temptation for me to pray no further. However, the Lord +did help me to fall upon my knees; and no sooner had I commenced praying, +than He shone into my soul, and gave me such a spirit of prayer, as I had +not enjoyed for many weeks. He graciously once more revived His work in +my heart. I enjoyed that nearness to God and fervency in prayer, for more +than an hour, for which my soul had been panting for many weeks past. For +the first time, during this illness, I had now also a spirit of prayer as +it regards my health. I could ask the Lord earnestly to restore me again, +which had not been the case before. I now long to go back again to the +work in Bristol, yet without impatience, and feel assured that the Lord +will strengthen me to return to it. I went to bed especially happy and +awoke this morning in great peace, rose sooner than usual, and had again, +for more than an hour, real communion with the Lord before breakfast. May +He in mercy continue this state of heart to His most unworthy child! + +October 8. My strength has been during the last days increasing, but I +feel still the symptoms of indigestion. I have been able to speak several +times at family prayer, and to expound the Scriptures to the school +children, without suffering in consequence of it. + +October 9. I have many times had thoughts of giving in print some account +of the Lord's goodness to me, for the instruction, comfort, and +encouragement of the children of God; and I have been more than ever +stirred up to do so since I read Newton's life a few days ago. I have +considered, today, all the reasons for and against, and find that there +are scarcely any against, and many for it. + +October 15. Today we left our dear friends for Bristol. November 15. +Brother C-r and I have been praying together, the last five days, that the +Lord would be pleased to send us means for the carrying on of the work of +the Scriptural Knowledge Institution. This evening a brother gave me 6s. +1d., being money which he formerly used to pay towards the support of a +trade club, which he has lately given up for the Lord's sake.--November 18. +This evening £30 was given to me; £25. for the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution, and £5. for myself. This is a most remarkable answer to +prayer. Brother C-r and I have prayed repeatedly together during the last +week, concerning the work, and especially that the Lord would be pleased +to give us the means to continue, and even to enlarge, the field. In +addition to this, I have several times asked for a supply for myself, and +He has kindly granted both these requests. Oh that I may have grace to +trust Him more and more!--November 20. This evening I took tea at a +sister's house, where I found Franke's life. I have frequently, for a long +time, thought of labouring in a similar way, though it might be on a much +smaller scale; not, to imitate Franke, but in reliance upon the Lord. May +God make it plain! November 21. Today I have had it very much impressed on +my heart, no longer merely to think about the establishment of an +Orphan-House, but actually to set about it, and I have been very much +in prayer respecting it, in order to ascertain the Lord's +mind.--I received this day, from an unexpected quarter, £5. +for the Scriptural Knowledge Institution, in answer to prayer; + and I had also £1. 14s. 6d. sent from a distance of one hundred +and twenty miles.-November 22. This evening I had sent for +the Institution £1. 4s.--November 23. Today I had £10. sent +from Ireland for our Institution. Thus the Lord, in answer to prayer, +has given me, in a few days, about £50. I had asked only for £40. This has +been a great encouragement to me, and has still more stirred +me up to think and pray about the establishment of an +Orphan-House.--November 25. I have been again much in prayer +yesterday and today about the Orphan-House, and am more +and more convinced that it is of God. May He in mercy guide me! +The three chief reasons for establishing an Orphan-House are:--1. +That God may be glorified, should He be pleased to furnish me with +the means, in its being seen that it is not a vain thing to trust in Him; +and that thus the faith of His children may be strengthened. 2. The +spiritual welfare of fatherless and motherless children. 3. Their +temporal welfare. + +It may be well to enter somewhat more minutely, than my journal does, +upon the reasons which led me to establish an Orphan-House. Through my +pastoral labours among the saints in Bristol, through my considerable +correspondence, and through brethren who visited Bristol; I had constantly +cases brought before me, which proved, that one of the especial things +which the children of God needed in our day, was, to have their faith +strengthened. For instance: I might visit a brother, who worked fourteen +or even sixteen hours a day at his trade, the necessary result of which +was, that not only his body suffered, but his soul was lean, and he had no +enjoyment in the things of God. Under such circumstances I might point out +to him that he ought to work less, in order that his bodily health might +not suffer, and that he might gather strength for his inner man, by +reading the word of God, by meditation over it, and by prayer. The reply, +however, I generally found to be something like this: "But if I work +less, I do not earn enough for the support of my family. Even now, whilst +I work so much, I have scarcely enough. The wages are so low, that I must +work hard in order to obtain what I need. There was no trust in God. No +real belief in the truth of that word: "Seek ye first the kingdom of +God, and His righteousness: and all these things shall be added unto you." +I might reply something like this: "My dear brother, it is not your work +which supports your family, but the Lord; and He who has fed you and your +family when you could not work at all, on account of illness, would surely +provide for you and yours, if for the sake of obtaining food for your +inner man, you were to work only for so many hours a day, as would allow +you proper time for retirement. And is it not the case now, that you begin +the work of the day after having had only a few hurried moments for +prayer; and when you leave off your work in the evening, and mean then to +read a little of the word of God, are you not too much worn out in body +and mind, to enjoy it, and do you not often fall asleep whilst reading the +Scriptures, or whilst on your knees in prayer?" The brother would allow it +was so; he would allow that my advice was good; but still I read in his +countenance, even if he should not have actually said so, "How should I +get on, if I were to carry out your advice?" I longed, therefore, to have +something to point the brother to, as a visible proof, that our God and +Father is the same faithful God as ever He was; as willing as ever to +PROVE Himself to be the LIVING GOD, in our day as formerly, to all who put +their trust in Him.--Again, sometimes I found children of God tried in +mind by the prospect of old age, when they might be unable to work any +longer, and therefore were harassed by the fear of having to go into the +poor-house. If in such a case I pointed out to them, how their Heavenly +Father has always helped those who put their trust in Him, they might not, +perhaps, always say, that times have changed; but yet it was evident +enough, that God was not looked upon by them as the LIVING God. My spirit +was ofttimes bowed down by this, and I longed to set something before the +children of God, whereby they might see, that He does not forsake, even in +our day, those who rely upon him.--Another class of persons were brethren +in business, who suffered in their souls, and brought guilt on their +consciences, by carrying on their business, almost in the same way, as +unconverted persons do. The competition in trade, the bad times, the +over-peopled country, were given as reasons why, If the business were +carried on simply according to the word of God, it could not be expected +to do well. Such a brother, perhaps, would express the wish, that he might +be differently situated; but very rarely did I see, that there was a stand +made for God, that there was the holy determination to trust in the living +God, and to depend on Him, in order that a good conscience might be +maintained. To this class likewise I desired to show, by a visible proof, +that God is unchangeably the same.--Then there was another class of +persons, individuals who were in professions in which they could not +continue with a good conscience, or persons who were in an unscriptural +position with reference to spiritual things; but both classes feared, on +account of the consequences, to give up the profession in which they could +not abide with God, or to leave their position, lest they should be thrown +out of employment. My spirit longed to be instrumental in strengthening +their faith, by giving them not only instances from the word of God, of +His willingness and ability to help all those who rely upon Him, but to +show them by proofs, that He is the same in our day. I well knew that the +word of God ought to be enough, and it was, by grace, enough to me; but +still, I considered that I aught to lend a helping hand to my brethren, if +by any means, by this visible proof to the unchangeable faithfulness of +the Lord I might strengthen their hands in God; for I remembered what a +great blessing my own soul had received through the Lord's dealings with +His servant A. H. Franke, who, in dependence upon the living God alone, +established an immense Orphan-House, which I had seen many times with my +own eyes. I, therefore, judged myself bound to be the servant of the +Church of Christ, in the particular point on which I had obtained mercy: +namely, in being able to take God by His word and to rely upon it. All +these exercises of my soul, which resulted from the fact that so many +believers, with whom I became acquainted, were harassed and distressed in +mind, or brought guilt on their consciences, on account of not trusting in +the Lord; were used by God to awaken in my heart the desire of setting +before the church at large, and before the world, a proof that He has not +in the least changed; and this seemed to me best done, by the establishing +of an Orphan-House. It needed to be something which could be seen, even by +the natural eye. Now, if I, a poor man, simply by prayer and faith, +obtained, without asking any individual, the means for establishing and +carrying on an Orphan-House: there would be something which with the +Lord's blessing, might be instrumental in strengthening the faith of the +children of God besides being a testimony to the consciences of the +unconverted, of the reality of the things of God. This, then, was the +primary reason, for establishing the Orphan-House. I certainly did from my +heart desire to be used by God to benefit the bodies of poor children, +bereaved of both parents, and seek, in other respects, with the help of +God, to do them good for this life;--I also particularly longed to be used +by God in getting the dear orphans trained up in the fear of God;--but +still, the first and primary object of the work was, (and still is:) that +God might be magnified by the fact, that the orphans under my care are +provided, with all they need, only by prayer and faith, without any one +being asked by me or my fellow-labourers, whereby it may be seen, that God +is FAITHFUL STILL, and HEARS PRAYER STILL. That I was not mistaken, has +been abundantly proved singe November, 1835, both by the conversion of +many sinners who have read the accounts, which have been published in +connexion with this work, and also by the abundance of fruit that has +followed in the hearts of the saints, for which, from my inmost soul, I +desire to be grateful to God, and the honour and glory of which not only +is due to Him alone, but which I, by His help, am enabled to +ascribe to Him. + +November 28. I have been, every day this week, very much in prayer +concerning the Orphan-House, chiefly entreating the Lord to take away +every thought concerning it out of my mind, if the matter be not of Him; +and have also repeatedly examined my heart concerning my motives in the +matter. But I have been more and more confirmed that it is of God. + +December 2. I have again these last days prayed much about the +Orphan-House, and have frequently examined my heart, that if it were at +all my desire to establish it for the sake of gratifying myself I might +find it out. To that end I have also conversed with brother Craik about +it, that he might be instrumental in showing me any hidden corruption of +my heart concerning the matter, or any other scriptural reason against +my engaging in it. The one only reason which ever made me at all doubt as +to its being of God, that I should engage in this work, is, the +multiplicity of engagements which I have already. But that which has +overbalanced this objection in my mind has been:--1. That the matter +is of such great importance. 2. That if the matter be of God, He will +in due time send suitable individuals, so that comparatively little of +my time will be taken up in this service. + +This morning I asked the Lord especially, that He would be pleased to +teach me through the instrumentality of brother C.; and I went to him, +that he might have an opportunity of probing my heart. For as I desire +only the Lord's glory, I should be glad to be instructed through the +instrumentality of any brother, if the matter be not of Him. But brother +C., on the contrary, greatly encouraged me in it. Therefore I have this +day taken the first actual step in the matter, in having ordered bills to +be printed, announcing a public meeting on December 9th, at which I intend +to lay before the brethren my thoughts concerning the Orphan-House, as a +means of ascertaining more clearly the Lord's mind concerning the matter. +December 4. Brother Craik told me this morning, that his voice is getting +a little better. December 5. This evening I was struck, in reading the +Scriptures, with these words: "Open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it." +Ps. lxxxi. 10. Up to this day I had not prayed at all concerning the means +or individuals needed for the Orphan-House. I was now led to apply this +scripture to the Orphan-House, and asked the Lord for premises, 1000l., +and suitable individuals to take care of the children. December 7. Today I +received the first shilling for the Orphan-House. Afterwards I received +another shilling from a German brother. + +December 9. This afternoon the first piece of furniture was given--a large +wardrobe. This afternoon and evening I was low in spirit as it regards the +Orphan-House, but as soon as I began to speak at the meeting, I received +peculiar assistance from God, felt great peace and joy, and the assurance +that the work is of God. After the meeting, 10s. was given to me. There +was purposely no collection, nor did any one speak besides myself; for it +was not in the least intended to work upon the feelings, for I sought to +be quite sure concerning the mind of God. After the meeting a sister +offered herself for the work. I went home happy in the Lord, and full of +confidence that the matter will come to pass, though but 10s. has been +given. December 10. This morning I have sent to the press a statement +which contains the substance of what I said at the meeting last evening. +[For the sake of those who have not read it before, it is given here.] + +Proposal for the Establishment of an Orphan-House in connexion with the +Scriptural Knowledge Institution for Home and Abroad. + +Since the last Report of the operations of the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution for home and abroad was published, the Lord has sent us, in +answer to prayer, brother John C-r, formerly a minister of the +establishment, as a city missionary, who goes from house to house, among +the poor of this city, to converse with them about the things of God, to +circulate the Scriptures among them, to get them to come to the adult +school, if they cannot read, and to advise them to put their children to +our schools, provided they go to no other. It was particularly gracious of +the Lord to send this brother, nearly five months ago, as my brother and +fellow labourer, Henry Craik, has been for these eight months laid aside +from the ministry of the Word on account of bodily infirmity, and has +therefore been unable to take an active part in this Institution. Thus I +have not only found great help, but I have been greatly encouraged to +enlarge the field. That to which my mind has been particularly directed, +is, to establish an Orphan-House in which destitute fatherless and +motherless children may be provided with food and raiment, and scriptural +education. Concerning this intended Orphan-House I would say + +1. It is intended to be in connexion with the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution for home and abroad, in so far as it respects the Reports, +accounts, superintendence, and the principles on which it is conducted, so +that, in one sense, it may be considered as a new object of the +Institution, yet with this difference, that only those funds shall be +applied to the Orphan-House which are expressly given for it. If, +therefore, any believer should prefer to support either those objects +which have been hitherto assisted by the funds of this Institution, or the +intended Orphan-House, it need only be mentioned, in order that the money +may be applied accordingly. + +2. It will only be established if the Lord should provide both the means +for it, and suitable persons to conduct it. + +As to the means, I would make the following remarks. The reason for +proposing to enlarge the field, is not because we have of late +particularly abounded in means; for we have been rather straitened. The +many gracious answers, however, which the Lord had given us concerning +this Institution, led brother C-r and me to give ourselves to prayer, +asking him to supply us with the means to carry on the work, as we +consider it unscriptural to contract debts. During five days, we prayed +several times, both unitedly and separately. After that time, the Lord +began to answer our prayers, so that, within a few days, about 50l. was +given to us. I would further say, that the very gracious and tender +dealings of God with me, in having supplied, in answer to prayer, for the +last five years, my own temporal wants without any certain income, so that +money, provisions and clothes have been sent to me at times when I was +greatly straitened, and that not only in small but large quantities; and +not merely from individuals living in the same place with me, but at a +considerable distance; and that not merely from intimate friends, but from +individuals whom I have never seen: all this, I say, has often led me to +think, even as long as four years ago, that the Lord had not given me this +simple reliance on Him merely for myself; but also for others. Often, when +I saw poor neglected children running about the streets at Teignmouth, I +said to myself: "May it not be the will of God, that I should establish +schools for these children, asking Him to give me the means?" However, it +remained only a thought in my mind for two or three years. About two years +and six months since I was particularly stirred up afresh to do something +for destitute children, by seeing so many of them begging in the streets +of Bristol, and coming to our door. It was not, then, left undone on +account of want of trust in the Lord, but through an abundance of other +things calling for all the time and strength of my brother Craik and +myself; for the Lord had both given faith, and had also shown by the +following instance, in addition to very many others, both what He can and +what He will do. One morning, whilst sitting in my room, I thought about +the distress of certain brethren, and said thus to myself:--"O that it +might please the Lord to give me the means to help these poor brethren!" +About an hour afterwards I had 60l. sent as a present for myself, from a +brother, whom up to this day I have never seen, and who was then, and is +still, residing several thousand miles from this. Should not such an +experience, together with promises like that one in John xiv. 13, 14, +encourage us to ask with all boldness, for ourselves and others, both +temporal and spiritual blessings? The Lord, for I cannot but think it was +He, again and again, brought the thought about these poor children to my +mind, till at last it ended in the establishment of "The Scriptural +Knowledge Institution, for Home and Abroad;" since the establishment of +which, I have had it in a similar way brought to my mind, first about +fourteen months ago, and repeatedly since, but especially during these +last weeks, to establish an Orphan-House. My frequent prayer of late has +been, that if it be of God, He would let it come to pass; if not, that He +would take from me all thoughts about it. The latter has not been the +case, but I have been led more and more to think that the matter may be of +Him. Now, if so, He can influence His people in any part of the world, +(for I do not look to Bristol, nor even to England, but to the living God, +whose is the gold and the silver,) to intrust me and brother C-r, whom the +Lord has made willing to help me in this work, with the means. Till we +have them, we can do nothing in the way of renting a house, furnishing it, +&c. Yet, when once as much as is needed for this has been sent us, as also +proper persons to engage in the work, we do not think it needful to wait +till we have the Orphan-House endowed, or a number of yearly subscribers +for it; but we trust to be enabled by the Lord, who has taught us to ask +for our daily bread, to look to Him for the supply of the daily wants of +those children whom He may be pleased to put under our care. Any donations +will be received at my house. Should any believers have tables, chairs, +bedsteads, bedding, earthenware, or any kind of household furniture to +spare, for the furnishing of the house; or remnants or pieces of calico, +linen, flannel, cloth, or any materials useful for wearing apparel; or +clothes already worn; they will be thankfully received. + +Respecting the persons who are needed for carrying on the work, a matter +of no less importance than the procuring of funds, I would observe, that +we look for them to God Himself, as well as for the funds; and that all +who may be engaged as masters, matrons, and assistants, according to the +smallness or largeness of the Institution, must be known to us as true +believers; and moreover, as far as we may be able to judge, must likewise +be qualified for the work. + +3. At present nothing can be said as to the time when the operations are +likely to commence; nor whether the Institution will embrace children of +both sexes, or be restricted either to boys or girls exclusively; nor of +what age they will be received, and how long they may continue in it; for +though we have thought about these things, yet we would rather be guided +in these particulars by the amount of the means which the Lord may put +into our hands, and by the number of the individuals whom he may provide +for conducting the Institution. Should the Lord condescend to use us as +instruments, a short printed statement will be issued as soon as something +more definite can be said. + +4. It has appeared well to us to receive only such destitute children as +have been bereaved of both parents. + +5. The children are intended, if girls, to be brought up for service; if +boys, for a trade; and therefore they will be employed, according to their +ability and bodily strength, in useful occupations, and thus help to +maintain themselves; besides this they are intended to receive a plain +education; but the chief and especial end of the Institution will be to +seek, with God's blessing, to bring them to the knowledge of Jesus Christ, +by instructing them in the Scriptures. + +GEORGE MULLER. + +Bristol, Dec. 10th, 1835. + +December 11. I have been enabled to pray all this week with increased +confidence concerning the Orphan-House, as it regards means, a house, +suitable individuals to take care of the children, furniture, &c. December +16. Brother C-n, whom the Lord has kindly allowed to stay above two months +among us, to supply brother Craik's lack of service, left us today. How +very gracious has the Lord been to us in this affliction! Many brethren +have been sent to us as helpers for a little while--brother C-t for the +greater part of the time, and brother C-n for more than two months. And, +in addition to this, when brother Craik and I were both ill, the brethren +were kept in peace, and there was a spirit of prayer among them. December +31. This evening we had an especial meeting for prayer and praise. We +continued together from seven till after twelve. + +There have been received into the church at Gideon during the past year--29 + +Ditto, Bethesda--30 + +Altogether--59 + +Of these 59, 30 have been brought to the knowledge of the Lord through +the instrumentality of brother Craik and me. There are now, of those who +have been begotten again through us, since we have been in Bristol, at +Gideon 63, and at Bethesda 71--altogether 134. Besides this, several have +fallen asleep in the faith, who never were in communion with us, and +several of our spiritual children have joined other churches, in and out +of Bristol, and many are now standing as hopeful characters on the list of +candidates for communion. There have been added to the church at Gideon, +since we came, 125; to Bethesda, 163--altogether 288; so that the number +of both churches would have been 356 (68 believers we found at Gideon), +had there been no changes; but + +Of Gideon are at present + +under church discipline 6, of Bethesda, 7, altogether, 13 + +Do. have fallen asleep 12 do. 5 do. 17 + +Do. have left Bristol 10 do. 4 do. 14 + +Do. have left us, but are + +still in Bristol 11 do. 4 do. 15 + +39 20 59 + +So that there are at present in communion with us 297:--143 at Bethesda, +and 154 at Gideon. + +As it regards the way in which the Lord, in His faithful love, supplied +my temporal wants, during the past year, I mention that I received-- + +1. In free-will offerings, given through the boxes, as my part £130 3s. 7 +1/4d. + +2. In free-will offerings given by believers in and out of Bristol, not +through the boxes £120 7s. 6d. + +3. Towards the house rent I received from brother Craik, in consideration +that he has no rent to pay, for nine months £7 10s. 0d. + +4. The presents sent to us in clothes and provisions, &c., were worth to +us at least £27 0s. 0d. + +Altogether £285 1s. 1 1/4d. + +January 3, 1836. This morning brother Craik spoke a little in public for +the first time after about nine months. + +January 6. Today we had three especial prayer meetings, for the full +restoration of brother Craik's voice. We had also, on January 7, 8, 9, and +10, especial prayer meetings for brother Craik's full restoration. January +16. Today I put into the press another statement, containing a further +account respecting the Orphan-House. [It is here reprinted.] + +Further account respecting the Orphan-House, intended to be established +in Bristol, in connection with the Scriptural Knowledge Institution for +Home and Abroad. + +When, of late, the thoughts of establishing an Orphan-House, in +dependence upon the Lord, revived in my mind, during the first two weeks I +only prayed, that, if it were of the Lord, He would bring it about; but, +if not, that He graciously would be pleased to take all thoughts about it +out of my mind. My uncertainty about knowing the Lord's mind did not arise +from questioning whether it would be pleasing in His sight, that there +should be an abode and scriptural education provided for destitute +fatherless and motherless children; but whether it were His will that I +should be the instrument of setting such an object on foot, as my hands +were already more than filled. My comfort, however, was, that, if it were +His will, He would provide not merely the means, but also suitable +individuals to take care of the children, so that my part of the work +would take only such a portion of my time, as, considering the importance +of the matter, I might give, notwithstanding my many other engagements. +The whole of those two weeks I never asked the Lord for money, or for +persons to engage in the work. On December 5th, however, the subject of my +prayer all at once became different. I was reading Psalm lxxxi, and was +particularly struck, more than at any time before, with ver. 10: "Open thy +mouth wide, and I will fill it." I thought a few moments about these +words, and then was led to apply them to the case of the Orphan-house. It +struck me that I had never asked the Lord for any thing concerning it, +except to know His will respecting its being established or not; and I +then fell on my knees, and opened my mouth wide, asking Him for much. I +asked in submission to His will, and without fixing a time when He should +answer my petition. I prayed that He would give me a house, i.e. either as +a loan, or that some one might be led to pay the rent for one, or that one +might be given permanently for this object; further, I asked Him for +£1000; and likewise for suitable individuals to take care of the children. +Besides this, I have been since led to ask the Lord, to put into the +hearts of His people to send me articles of furniture for the house, and +some clothes for the children. When I was asking the petition, I was fully +aware what I was doing, i.e., that I was asking for something which I had +no natural prospect of obtaining from the brethren whom I know, but which +was not too much for the Lord to grant. As I have stated, that I desire to +see clearly the Lord's will concerning the Orphan-House, by His providing +both the means and suitable individuals for it, I will now mention how He +has been dealing with me in these respects. + +December 7, 1835.--Anonymously was given 2s. In the paper in which they +were enclosed was written "1s. for the Orphan-House, and 1s. for the +Scriptural Knowledge Institution. In the name of the Lord alone lift up +your banners, so shall you prosper." 1s. besides was given. December 9. I +found 3s. in the box, which I had put up two days before in my room for +the Orphan-House, and a large wardrobe given just before the meeting in +the evening, when I stated publicly my desire concerning this object +before the brethren. After the meeting 10s. was given. Also a sister +offered herself at the same time for the work. December 10. This morning I +received a letter, in which a brother and sister wrote thus:--"We propose +ourselves for the service of the intended Orphan-House, if you think us +qualified for it; also to give up all the furniture, &c., which the Lord +has given us, for its use; and to do this without receiving any salary +whatever; believing, that if it be the will of the Lord to employ us, He +will supply all our need, &c." In the evening a brother brought from +several individuals three dishes, 28 plates, three basins, one jug, four +mugs, three salt stands, one grater, four knives, and five forks. + +December 12. While I was praying this morning that the Lord would give us +a fresh token of His favour concerning the Orphan-House, a brother brought +three dishes, 12 plates, one basin, and one blanket. After this had been +given, I thanked God, and asked Him to give even this day another +encouragement. Shortly after, £50. was given, and that by an individual +from whom, for several reasons, I could not have expected this sum. Thus +the hand of God appeared so much the more clearly. Even then I was led to +pray, that this day the Lord would give still more. In the evening, +accordingly, there were sent 29 yards of print. Also a sister offered +herself for the work. Dec. 13. A brother was influenced this day to give +4s. per week, or 10l. 8s. yearly, as long as the Lord gives the means; 8s. +was given by him as two weeks' subscriptions. Today a brother and sister +offered themselves, with all their furniture, and all the provisions which +they have in the house, if they can be usefully employed in the concerns +of the Orphan-House. + +December 14. Today a sister offered her services for the work. In the +evening another sister offered herself for the Institution. December 15. A +sister brought from several friends, ten basins, eight mugs, one plate, +five dessert spoons, six tea spoons, one skimmer, one toasting fork, one +flour dredge, three knives and forks, one sheet, one pillow case, one +table cloth; also 1l. In the afternoon were sent 55 yards of sheeting, and +12 yards of calico. December 16. I took out of the box in my room 1s. +December 17. I was rather cast down last evening and this morning about +the matter, questioning whether I ought to be engaged in this way, and was +led to ask the Lord to give me some further encouragement. Soon after were +sent by a brother two pieces of print, the one seven and the other 23 3/4 +yards, 6 3/4 yards of calico, four pieces of lining, about four yards +altogether, a sheet, and a yard measure. This evening another brother +brought a clothes' horse, three frocks, four pinafores, six handkerchiefs, +three counterpanes, one blanket, two pewter salt cellars, six tin cups, +and six metal tea spoons; he also brought 3s. 6d. given to him by three +different individuals. At the same time he told me that it had been put +into the heart of an individual to send tomorrow 100l. + +December 18. This afternoon the same brother brought from a sister, a +counterpane, a flat iron stand, eight cups, and saucers, a sugar basin, a +milk jug, a tea cup, 16 thimbles, five knives and forks, six dessert +spoons, 12 tea spoons, four combs, and two little graters; from another +friend a flat iron and a cup and saucer. At the same time he brought the +100l. above referred to. [Since the publication of the second edition it +has pleased the Lord to take to Himself the donor of this 100l., and I +therefore give in this present edition some further account of the +donation and the donor, as the particulars respecting both, with God's +blessing, may tend to edification. Indeed I confess that I am delighted to +be at liberty, in consequence of the death of the donor, to give the +following short narrative, which, during her lifetime, I should not have +considered it wise to publish. A. L., the donor, was known to me almost +from the beginning of my coming to Bristol in 1832. She earned her bread +by needlework, by which she gained from 2s. to 5s. per week; the average, +I suppose, was not more than about 3s. 6d., as she was weak in body. But +this dear, humble sister was content with her small earnings, and I do not +remember ever to have heard her utter a word of complaint on account of +earning so little. Some time, before I had been led to establish an +Orphan-House, her father had died, through which event she had come +into the possession of 480l., which sum had been left to her (and the +same amount to her brother and two sisters) by her grandmother, but of +which her father had had the interest during his lifetime. The father, +who had been much given to drinking, died in debt, +which debts the children wished to pay; but the rest, besides +A. L., did not like to pay the full amount, and offered +to the creditors 5s. in the pound, which they gladly accepted, +as they had not the least legal claim upon the children. After the +debts had been paid according to this agreement, A. L. said to herself; +"However sinful my father may have been, yet he was my father, and +as I have the means of paying his debts to the full amount, I ought, as +a believing child, to do so, seeing that my brothers and sisters will not +do it." She then went to all the creditors secretly, and paid the full +amount of the debts, which took 40l. more of her money, besides her +share which she had given before. Her brother and two sisters now gave +50l. each of their property to their mother; but A. L. said to herself: +"I am a child of God, surely I ought to give my mother twice as much +as my brother and sisters." She, therefore, gave her mother 100l. Shortly +after this she sent me the 100l. towards the Orphan-House. I was not a +little surprised when I received this money from her, +for I had always known her as a poor girl, and I had never heard +any thing about her having come into the possession of this +money, and her dress had never given me the +least indication of an alteration in her circumstances. Before, however, +accepting this money from her, I had a long conversation with her, in +which I sought to probe her as to her motives, and in which I sought to +ascertain whether, as I had feared, she might have given this money in the +feeling of the moment, without having counted the cost. I was the +more particular, because, if the money were given, without its being given +from Scriptural motives, and there should be regret +afterwards, the name of the Lord would be dishonoured. But I +had not conversed long with this beloved sister, before +I found that she was, in this particular, a quiet, calm, considerate +follower of the Lord Jesus, and one who desired, in spite +of what human reason might say, to act according to the words of our +Lord: "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth." Matthew vi. 19. +"Sell that ye have, and give alms." Luke xii. 33. When I remonstrated +with her, in order that I might see, whether she had counted the cost, +she said to me: "The Lord Jesus has given His last drop of blood for me, +and should I not give Him this 100l.?" She likewise said: "Rather than the +Orphan-House should not be established, I will give all the money I have." +When I saw that she had weighed the matter according to the word of God, +and that she had counted the cost, I could not but take the money, and +admire the way which the Lord took, to use this poor, sickly sister as an +instrument, in so considerable a measure, for helping, at its very +commencement, this work, which I had set about solely in dependence +upon the living God. At that time she would also have me take 5l. for the +poor saints in communion with us. I mention here particularly, that this +dear sister kept all these things to herself; and did them as much as +possible in secret; and during her life-time, I suppose, not six brethren +and sisters among us knew that she had ever possessed 480l., or that she +had given 100l. towards the Orphan-House. But this is not all. Some time +after this 100l. had been given by her, brother C-r, (who was then +labouring as a City Missionary in connexion with the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution, and who about that very time happened to visit from house to +house in that part of the city where A. L. lived), told me that he had met +with many cases, in which A. L. had given to one poor woman a bedstead, to +another some bedding, to another some clothes, to another food; and thus +instance upon instance of acts of love, on the part of our dear sister +A. L., had come before him. I relate one instance more. August 4, 1836, +seven months and a half after she had given the 100l., +she came one morning to me and said: "Last evening I +felt myself particularly stirred up to pray about the funds of +the Scriptural Knowledge Institution; but whilst praying I thought, what +good is it for me to pray for means, if I do not give, when I have the +means, and I have therefore brought you this 5l." As I had reason to +believe that by this time by far the greater part of her money was gone, I +again had a good deal of conversation with her, to see whether she really +did count the cost, and whether this donation also was given unto the +Lord, or from momentary excitement, in which case it was better not to +give the money. However, she was at this time also steadfast, grounded +upon the word of God, and evidently constrained by the love of Christ; and +all the effect my conversation had upon her was, that she said: "You must +take five shillings in addition to the 5l., as a proof that I give the 5l. +cheerfully." And thus she constrained me to take the 5l. 5s. Four things +are especially to be noticed about this beloved sister, with reference to +all this period of her earthly pilgrimage: 1, She did all these things in +secret, avoiding to the utmost all show about them, and thus proved, that +she did not desire the praise of man. 2, She remained, as before, of an +humble and lowly mind, and she proved thus, that she had done what she did +unto the Lord, and not unto man. 3, Her dress remained, during all the +time that she had this comparative abundance, the same as before. It was +clean, yet as simple and inexpensive as it was at the time when all her +income had consisted of 3s. 6d., or at most 5s., per week. There was not +the least difference as to her lodging, dress, manner of life, etc. She +remained in every way the poor hand-maid of the Lord, as to all outward +appearance. 4, But that which is as lovely as the rest, she continued +working at her needle all this time. She earned her 2s. 6d., or 3s., or a +little more, a week, by her work, as before: whilst she gave away the +money in Sovereigns or Five Pound Notes.--At last all her money was gone, +and that some years before she fell sleep, and as her bodily health never +had been good, as long as I had known her, and was now much worse, she +found herself peculiarly dependent upon the Lord, who never forsook her up +to the last moment of her earthly course. The very commencement of her +life of simple dependence upon the Lord, was such as greatly to encourage +her. She related the facts to me as I give them here. When she was +completely without money, and when her little stock of tea and butter was +also gone, two sisters in the Lord called on her. After they had been a +little while with her, they told her that they had come to take tea with +her. She said to herself; I should not at all mind to go without my tea, +but this is a great trial, that I have nothing to set before these +sisters; and she gave them therefore to understand, that their staying to +tea would not be convenient at that time. The sisters, however, I suppose, +not understanding the hint, remained, and presently brought out of a +basket tea, sugar, butter and bread, and thus there was all that was +requisite for the tea, and the remainder of the provisions was left with +her. She told me, that at that time she was not accustomed to trials of +faith, as she afterwards was. + +Her body became weaker and weaker, in consequence of which she was able +to work very little, for many months before she died; but the Lord +supplied her with all she needed, though she never asked for anything. For +instance, a sister in communion with us sent her for many months all the +bread she used.--Her mouth was full of thanksgiving, even in the midst of +the greatest bodily sufferings. She fell asleep in Jesus in January +1844.--I have related these facts, because they tend to the +praise of the Lord, and may be instrumental in stirring up other +children of God, to follow this dear departed sister in so far as she +followed the Lord Jesus; but,in particular, that I may show in what +remarkable ways the Lord proved, from the very beginning, that the +Orphan-House was His and not mine. I now go on to narrate further how +the Lord provided me with means for it.] This evening a sister sent five +small forms. December 20. A sister gave me 5l. December 21. A friend sent +1l. Weekly subscription of 4s. December 22. A sister gave me 1l. and a +friend sent 2s. 6d. December 23. A brother gave this evening a piece of +blind line and a dozen of blind tassels. About ten in the evening, a +gentleman brought me from an individual, whose name he was not to mention, +4l., of which I was allowed to take 2l. for the Orphan-House, and +to give the other 2l. to poor believers. December 28. During +the last four days I had received no offerings, and was rather cast down +about it, not knowing why the Lord dealt thus. Yet, in the midst of it, I +had a hope, that He was in the mean time working for the Orphan-House, +though nothing had been given. I was again stirred up to pray, that the +Lord would appear today. A little after, I saw a brother who told me, that +ever since he had received the printed proposal for the establishment of +an Orphan-House, he had considered the matter, and that he was willing to +give for the use of it certain premises, which he built some years since, +and which cost him 2,600l., provided there could be raised about 500l., to +add to the buildings what may be needed, to fit them for the purpose. +There is a piece of ground belonging to the premises, sufficiently large +to build thereon what may be required. The buildings are very suitable for +an Orphan-House, containing some very large rooms. If, therefore, the Lord +should put it into the hearts of His people, who have the means, to give +this sum of money, the premises will be given. The reason why they are +offered under the above-mentioned condition is, that in the state in which +they are now, on account of the peculiar purpose for which they were +built, they could accommodate only about 15 children, but, by the proposed +addition, would be large enough for 50 or 60. For the present, however, +the premises are let, and a notice of six months must be given. If this +matter should be brought about by the Lord, my prayer concerning a house, +which has been repeatedly brought before Him since December 5th, will have +been answered. Yet I leave the matter in the hands of Him, who has the +power to give us a place, of which we may take immediate possession, or +who can put it into the hearts of His children to pay the rent for a +house, or to give us the 500l. necessary to complete the building.--Weekly +subscription of 4s. December 29. A clergyman gave 10s. December 30. A +brother at Sidmouth sent 5l. + +January 1, 1836. Through a sister was given 6s., being six different +donations; also from herself 1l. as a donation, besides 1s. as a monthly +subscription. Also a lady sent through her 1l. 1s. as a yearly +subscription. Jan. 2. 4 sister sent 5l. Jan. 3. A gentleman sent 5s, Jan. +4. Weekly subscription of 4s. Through a brother from two friends, 1s. The +same brother brought also one dish, three plates, two basins, two cups and +saucers, and two knives and forks. Jan. 5. 10s., and 12s. 9d., and 2l. +were given. This evening some one rang our house bell. When the door was +opened, no one was there, but a kitchen fender and a dish were found at +the door, which, no doubt, were given for the Orphan-House. + +Jan. 7. 10s. was sent. Jan. 8. 2l. was given, also 10s. A sister offered +herself for the work. Jan. 9. From E. G. 1l. 5s., and from a brother 6d. +Jan. 10. 2s. 6d. was given. In the paper was written, "Two widows mites +for the Orphan-school. In the name of the Lord establish it." Jan. 11. +Weekly subscription 4s. Jan. 12. 6d., 6d., 4d., 4d., and 1d. were given. +Jan. 14. An old great coat was given; 1l. by a brother. A sister in Dublin +offered 2l. 12s. yearly. There was sent a deal box, a small looking-glass, +a candlestick, a jug, a basin, two plates, two knives and forks, and a tin +dish. + +All this money, and all these articles have been given, and all these +above-mentioned offers have been made, without my asking any individual +for anything; moreover, almost all has been sent from individuals +concerning whom I had naturally no reason to expect any thing, and some of +whom I never saw. Upon the ground of these facts, therefore, I am clearly +persuaded, that it is the will of the Lord that I should proceed in the +work, and I shall therefore now state something more definite than I could +in the former paper. + +1. If the Lord should not provide previous to the middle of February a +house in the way of gift, which in a few weeks may be occupied for an +Orphan-House, or put it into the heart of some one who loves Him to pay +the rent for one, or to lend us one for this purpose, I intend, God +willing, to rent certain suitable premises, which are to be had for about +50l. yearly. I purpose to take them for a twelvemonth, for that time would +be required, before the building could be finished, should the Lord +provide the above-mentioned 500l. + +2. It is intended, God willing, to open the institution about April 1. + +3. It is purposed to confine the Orphan-house, for the present, to female +children. My desire is to help both male and female orphans, and that from +their earliest youth; but hitherto the Lord has pointed out only a small +commencement. Should it, however, please Him to give me the means, and to +increase my faith and light, I shall gladly serve Him more extensively in +this way. It has appeared well to me to commence with female children, +because they are the more helpless sex, and they need more particularly to +be taken care of, that they may not fall a prey to vice. The house which +is to had will accommodate about 30 children, which number I intend to +receive at once, should the Lord give me the means to clothe that number, +and to furnish the house for so many; but, if not, I purpose, at all +events, the Lord willing, to commence the work, though with a smaller +number. + +4. It is intended to receive the children from the seventh to the twelfth +year, and to let them stay in the house, till they are able to go to +service. + +5. As the children will be brought up for service, they will be employed +in useful household work. + +GEORGE MÜLLER. + +Bristol, Jan. 16, 1836. + +Jan. 24. Today brother Craik preached once for the first time. Jan. 30. +Today I went to meet two sisters, who were expected from London. I sat +down in the coach office, took out my Bible, and began to read; and though +in the midst of the noise of the city, the Lord most especially refreshed +my soul, so much so, that I remember scarcely ever to have had more real +communion with Him, which lasted for more than an hour. It was the love of +Christ which led me there. I would gladly have remained at home, to have +had time for prayer and reading the Word, especially as I had to leave the +house early in the morning. Yet I went for the Lord's sake, and He gave me +a blessing: so that, though I had to wait more than two hours, and after +all the sisters did not arrive, I was richly repaid. May I but leave +myself more and more in His hands! He orders all things well! + +February 3. I have been very weak for some days. This evening brother +Craik was able to preach instead of me, for the first time at the week +meetings. How good is the Lord in restoring him thus far! Feb. 16. Today +was a day of thanksgiving on account of brother Craik's restoration. We +had three public meetings. Feb. 17. I had been repeatedly praying today +far a text, but obtained none. About five minutes before the time of +preaching, I was directed to Rev. ii. 19, on which I preached with much +assistance and enjoyment to my own soul, without any previous preparation; +and the word was felt by many to be a word in season. Feb. 26. This +evening both churches met at tea together, with the brethren and sisters +who intend to leave us in a few days for missionary work. Feb. 29. This +evening we had a meeting on behalf of the missionary brethren and sisters. +They were by seven brethren commended to the Lord in prayer. + +March 1. This afternoon brother and sister Groves, and the brethren and +sisters going with them for missionary purposes, twelve in number, left us +for the East Indies. In consequence of the journey to the Continent, at +the commencement of last year, four brethren and two sisters have gone +out, two brethren in October last, and two brethren and two sisters today. +This evening we had again a prayer meeting for the dear missionary party. +May the Lord soon give us the privilege of seeing some one of our own +number go forth. April 21. This day was set apart for prayer and +thanksgiving concerning the Orphan-House, as it is now opened. In the +morning several brethren prayed, and brother Craik spoke on the last +verses of Psalm xx. In the afternoon I addressed our Day and Sunday-School +children, the orphans and other children present. In the evening we had +another prayer-meeting. There are now 17 children in the Orphan-House. + +May 3. I have now been for many days praying for the supply of our own +temporal wants, and for the funds of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution; +but, as yet, I have had not only no answers to my prayer, but our income +has been less than usual, and we have had also but very little coming in +for the funds of the Institution. We have not been able to put by our +taxes, and expect them daily to be called for. My clothes also are now +worse than any I ever wore, and I have also but one suit. May 6. I have +now been for some years, and especially these last few months, more or +less thinking and praying respecting publishing a short account of the +Lord's dealings with me. Today I have at last settled to do so, and have +begun to write. + +May 16. For these several weeks our income has been little; and though I +had prayed many times that the Lord would enable us to put by the taxes, +yet the prayer remained unanswered. In the midst of it all, my comfort was +that the Lord would send help by the time it would be needed. One thing +particularly has been a trial to us of late, far more than our own +temporal circumstances, which is, that we have scarcely in any measure +been able to relieve the distress among the poor saints. Today, the Lord +at last, after I had many times prayed to Him for these weeks past, +answered my prayers, there being 7l. 12s. 0 1/4d. given to me as my part +of the free-will offerings through the boxes, two 5l. notes having been +put in yesterday, one for brother Craik and one for me. Thus the Lord has +again delivered us, and answered our prayers, and that not one single hour +too late; for the taxes have not as yet been called for. May He fill my +heart with gratitude for this fresh deliverance, and may He be pleased to +enable me more and more to trust in Him, and to wait patiently for His +help! May He also be pleased to teach me more and more the meaning of that +word, with reference to my own circumstances:--"Mine hour is not yet came." + +A third statement, containing the announcement of the opening of the +Orphan-House for destitute female children, and a proposal for the +establishment of an Infant Orphan-House, was on May 18th, 1836, sent to +the press, and is here reprinted. + +Opening of the Orphan-House for Destitute Female Children, established in +Bristol, in connexion with the Scriptural Knowledge Institution for Home +and Abroad; and Proposal for the Establishment of an Infant-Orphan-House. + +In a previous printed account, a statement has been given of the success +with which the Lord has been pleased to crown the prayers of His servant, +respecting the establishment of an Orphan-House in this city. The subject +of my prayer was, that He would graciously provide a house, either as a +loan, or as a gift, or that some one might be led to pay the rent for one; +further, that He would give me 1000l. for the object, and likewise +suitable individuals to take care of the children. A day or two after, I +was led to ask, in addition to the above, that he would put it into the +hearts of His people to send me articles of furniture, and some clothes +for the children. In answer to these petitions, 184l. 2s. 6d. and many +articles of furniture and clothing were sent, a conditional offer of a +house, as a gift, was made, and individuals proposed themselves to take +care of the children, the particulars of which have been given in the +statement already referred to, dated Jan. 16, 1836. I shall now proceed to +show how, since that time, the Lord has continued to answer my prayers. + +January 16, 1836, there was given 6d., six yards of calico, three plates, +a cup and saucer, and a jug. January 18, 4s. Jan. 19, a saucepan and +steamer, a tin dish, a teapot, some drugget; also 4d., and 1s. Jan. 21. +1l., also 5s. Jan. 22. 2s. 6d. Jan. 23. A brother gave 5s., the first +fruits of the increase of his salary. Jan. 24. 5s.; also 1l., and 1l. Jan. +25. A brother promised to give 50l. within a twelvemonth, with the +particular object of thus securing the payment of the rent of a house. +Thus the Lord has answered the prayer respecting this point. There were +also given 1l., 6d. and 4s. Jan. 27. A form was sent. Jan. 28. A deal +table was given, also, anonymously, were sent a coal box and 4s., also a +bedstead. Jan. 29. Two little waiters, two candlesticks, two chandeliers, +two night shades, a tin kettle, a warmer, a bread basket, a fire guard; +also one dozen tin cups, six plates, and 1s. 6d.; also 1s., a water jug, +six plates, a sugar basin, a teapot, a tea canister, and a knife. Jan. 30. +A frying pan, a tea canister, a metal teapot, a tin dish, a pepper box, a +flour scoop, a skimmer, a grater, two tin saucepans, a tin warmer, 55 +thimbles, five parcels of hooks and eyes; also 1l. Jan. 31. 5l. 5s.; an +old white dress and a fur tippet. + +February 1. 4s., 2s. 6d., also a sister in the Lord offered today to make +the bonnets for the children gratuitously, if any one would buy the straw, +and that her husband would make a bedstead, if any one would buy the wood; +she also mentioned that they would gladly give both the straw and the +wood, if they had the means. Feb. 2. 6d., 2d and out of the box in my room +was taken 3s. Feb. 4. 2s. 6d.,6d.; also a desk and a kitchen table; there +was also promised a subscription of 8s. annually. Feb. 5. 1s. 6d. Feb. 6. +A brother sent 100l., being induced to do so an having had the former +paper read to him. Feb. 7. 1l. 2s., 1s., 6d., 2s. 6d., 5s., 2s. 6d., 5s., +2s. 6d., 3l. 10s. Feb. 8. A table and two chairs, 4s., 5l., also 30l. was +sent from Ireland; 10s., 10s., 1l. Feb. 9. 1l., 4s. 1d., 10s., 1s. 1d., +1s. 1d., 1s., 1s., 1s., 1s., 1d., 5s., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., +2s. 6d., 6d., 6d., 6d., 4d., 4d., 1d., 1s. Feb. 11. Three yards of print, +2s. 6d., 5s.; 5s., 10s. Feb. 12. A clothes' horse, a coffee pot, and 1s.; +also a washing tub, a coffee mill, a pepper mill, two dozen pieced of +bobbin, three dozen stay laces, two dozen thimbles, two dozen bodkins, 300 +needles, a gridiron, six pots of blacking paste, a pound of thread, and a +large deal table. Feb. 14. 10s., 1l., put anonymously into Bethesda boxes, +for the Orphan-House. Feb. 15. Two glass salt cellars, a mustard pot, a +vinegar cruet, and a pepper box, also 4s., 4d., 4d., 4d., 4d., 2s. 6d. +Feb. 16. 4d. 1s., 4d., Feb. 17. 5s. Feb. 18. A bedstead, and by two poor +persons, 2d. Feb. 19. There were sent from London 34 yards of print, six +yards of calico, one dozen pocket handkerchiefs, four pairs of stockings, +and two New Testaments. Feb. 20. Two salt cellars, two mugs, two plates, +also two pocket handkerchiefs. Feb. 21. 1l. Feb. 22. 4s., 1s. Feb. 23. +Twelve yards of gingham from two Swiss sisters. Feb. 25. 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d. +Feb. 28. 1l. Feb. 29. 1l., 5s., 4s. + +March 2. 1l., 1s., 1s. 6d., 1s., 1s., 1s., 1/2d., 2s., 1s., 1s., 2s. 6d.; +also out of the box in my room, 1l. 2s. 6d.; two large iron pots were sent +anonymously. March 4. 10l., 10s., 3s., 7d., 10s., 2s. 6d., 10s., 10s., +3s.; all these offerings were sent from Clapham; also a desk. March 5. +Some fancy worsted and 1s., the produce of the sale of some old map +rollers. March 7. 4s., 10s., 5s., 5s., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s., 2s. 6d., +5s.; all these offerings were sent from Cleve, also 5s.; also, from a +distance of about 100 miles, was sent the valuable and useful present of +five pewter dishes, three dozen pewter plates, three dozen metal spoons, +two coral necklaces, a pair of coral earrings, and a large gold brooch--the +trinkets to be sold for the benefit of the Orphan-House. Also from the +same place was sent 10s. "which had been laid up for a time of need, but +which were sent because the donor thought that the time of trust in the +Lord in Bristol was her time of need to give." + +March 10. 8s., 1s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 6d., 6d., 6d., 1d., 4d., 4d., 4d., 5s., +2s. March 11. 1l., 5s. March 13. A little girl sent, from a distance of +more than 200 miles, 2s. 6d. March 14. A brother at Plymouth promised to +send 20l., also 4s. were given. March 15. 7d., 10s., 6d., 1s., 1s., 1d., +6d. March 16. 1s.; anonymously was sent from London 1l., also 2s. 6d. +March 18. 10 s. March 19. 3s., 1s., 4d., 4d., 4d., 4d. March 21. 4s. March +22. 1l. March 23. A large deal box, also anonymously six dishes. March 24. +5s. March 25. A ton of coals. March 27. 1l., 1l., 1l., 10s.; these +offerings were sent from Trowbridge, also 10s. From the Isle of Wight, +2l., 2l., 1l., 10s., a large piece of green baize, and two metal spoons. +March 28. 1l., 4s., 3d., 31., 10 s., 6s., 10 s., 2s. 6d., 5s., 5s., also +an iron kettle and some drugget. March 29. 1s. 3d., 1s. 3d., 1s., 1s. 6d. +March 31. 2s. + +April 2. 1s., 2s. 6d., 6d., 6d., also six blankets, two counterpanes, +four sheets, eight bonnets, five frocks, six pinafores, with the promise +to send also six chemises (sent since). April 4. 4s., 1s., 1s., 8d., 1s., +1d., 1s., 3d., 6s., 2s. 6d., 1l., 1l., 3s., also 14 tippets, three +pinafores, one frock, three chemises (two more promised), six flannel +petticoats; also six stuff petticoats; also six flannel petticoats (and +six chemises promised), also a sheet. April 5. 2l., 7s., 6d., 6d., 4d., +4d., 1d., 4d., 6d. April 6. One dozen of washing basins and one jug. April +7. 2s. 2d., 3s., 1s., 2s. 2d., 1s. 1d. April 8. 10s., 10s., 6d., 1s., 2s., +also a bench. April 9. 4d., 4d., 4d., 4d., 2s., also three knives and +forks, also some marking ink. April 10. Two patent locks. April 11. 4s. +April 12. 1s., 8d., 2s., a jug, also twelve bonnets and six tippets. April +13. A set of fire irons, a tea kettle, a coal box, a tin saucepan, a +tripod, a tea pot, three cups and saucers, a wash-hand basin, three small +basins, and two plates. April 15. 10s., 10s. April 16. 5l., also 1l. and +22 Hymn Books. Also anonymously were sent two dozen pocket handkerchiefs, +also a hymn, "The Orphan's Hope," in a frame. April 17. A cask, also a +hundred weight of treacle, and 36 pounds of moist sugar. + +April 18, 4s. April 19. 2s. 6d., 1s. April 20. A new bedstead. From +Clapham were sent 21l. and 11l., likewise three flannel petticoats, some +print, six frocks, four pinafores, seven tippets, 12 caps, 14 chemises, 24 +furnished work bags, 12 pocket handkerchiefs, 16 pairs of stockings, one +pair of sleeves; besides this, with an orphan child, was sent from +Clapham, a complete new outfit. + +April 21. 2l., 2s., 1s., 6d., 6d., 6d., 5s., 2s., also two candlesticks, +a pepper box, and a handkerchief. April 22. 1s., 10s., 2s. 6d., 2s. 2 +3/4d., also a long handled brush and 6d., also an ironing blanket, and 32 +yards of flannel. April 23. 2l., 5s., 10s., a cheese, and 18 pounds of +beef. April 25. 1s. and eight plates. April 26. 6d., 6d., 5s. April 27. +10d. April 28. 1s., also two tons of coal, also two patch-work quilts, 15 +work bags and pin-cushions, 12 needle cases, three little bags, one +tippet, two pairs of stockings, one kettle holder, also six pairs of +worsted stockings. + +May 2. 8s., 1l., 10 s. May 3. 8d., 2s. 6d., and a pair of shoes. May 4. A +gentleman and lady, who saw the Institution, left six chemises, seven +pocket handkerchiefs, two flannel petticoats, four pairs of stockings, and +four pairs of gloves; there were also sent 18 thimbles, a gross of +buttons, a gross of hooks and eyes. May 5. 2s. 6d., 1s. May 6. 15 pairs of +worsted stockings. May 7. 5s., 2s. 6d. May 8. 5s., 6d., 2s. 6d. May 9. +4s., 10s., 6d., 4d., 4d., 4d. May 10. 6d., 4d., 6d., 6d., 4d., 1d., 4d., +2s. May 11. 1l., 2s. 6d., 1s. May 13. A bonnet, also a dish, sent by a +poor person in an almshouse; a well-wisher sent, for little orphan boys, +six frock pinafores, six little shirts, six frocks and trousers. May 14. 9 +pounds of soap. May 15. S. S. 2s. 6d. May 16. 4s. May 17. Out of the box +in the Orphan-House, 3s. 0 1/2d., also 1s. + +1. It may be well to state, that the above results have followed in +answer to prayer, without any one having been asked by me for one single +thing, from which I have refrained, not on account of want of confidence +in the brethren, or because I doubted their love to the Lord, but that I +might see the hand of God so much the more clearly. For as the work has +been begun without any visible support, in dependence only upon the living +God, it was of the utmost importance to be sure of His approbation at the +very commencement. + +2. From this statement, and from that contained in the last printed +account, it will be seen how the Lord, in a great measure, has already +answered the petition of December 5, 1835; for a house has been given, +suitable individuals have offered themselves to take care of the children, +and much more furniture, and many more articles of clothing have been sent +than I ever had expected. The only part of the prayer, which has not been +as yet quite fulfilled, is, that which respects the 1000l., which, +however, the Lord, I doubt not, will likewise send in His own time. In the +meantime, let my brethren help me to praise Him, that He has sent already +more than one half of that sum, and therefore more than for the present +has been needed. + +3. So far as I remember, I brought even the most minute circumstances +concerning the Orphan-House before the Lord in my petitions, being +conscious of my own weakness and ignorance. There was, however, one point +I never had prayed about, namely, that the Lord would send children; for I +naturally took it for granted that there would be plenty of applications. +The nearer, however, the day came, which had been appointed for receiving +applications, the more I had a secret consciousness, that the Lord might +disappoint my natural expectations, and show me that I could not prosper +in one single thing without Him. The appointed time came, and not even one +application was made. I had before this been repeatedly tried, whether I +might not, after all, against the Lord's mind, have engaged in the work. +This circumstance now led me to lie low before my God in prayer the whole +of the evening, February 3, and to examine my heart once more as to all +the motives concerning it; and being able, as formerly, to say, that His +glory was my chief aim, i.e., that it might be seen that it is not a vain +thing to trust in the living God,--and that my second aim was the spiritual +welfare of the orphan-children,--and the third their bodily welfare; and +still continuing in prayer, I was at last brought to this state, that I +could say from my heart, that I should rejoice in God being glorified in +this matter, though it were by bringing the whole to nothing. But as +still, after all, it seemed to me more tending to the glory of God, to +establish and prosper the Orphan-House, I could then ask Him heartily, to +send applications. I enjoyed now a peaceful state of heart concerning the +subject, and was also more assured than ever that God would establish it. +The very next day, February 4, the first application was made, and since +then 42 more have been made. + +4. The house mentioned in the last printed account, which we had intended +to rent, having been let before any applications had been made, and +nothing more having been done about the premises offered as a gift, on +account of the want of money needed to complete the building, I rented, at +least for one year, the house No. 6, Wilson Street, as being, on account +of its cheapness and largeness, very suitable, and in which, up to March +25th, I had been living myself. Having furnished it for 30 children, we +began an April 11th, 1836, to take them in, and on April 21st the +Institution was opened by a day being set apart for prayer and +thanksgiving. There are now 26 children in the house, and a few more are +expected daily. They are under the care of a matron and governess. + +5. In the last printed account it was mentioned that we intended to take +in the children from the seventh to the twelfth year. But after six +applications had been made for children between four and six years of age, +it became a subject of solemn and prayerful consideration, whether, as +long as there were vacancies, such children should not be received, though +so young. For it appeared to me, that if it becomes the saints to care in +this way, according to their ability, for those whom God has bereaved of +both parents, when they become seven years of age, that it becomes them +equally so, to take care of them whilst they are under seven years, and +therefore completely unable to help themselves. Further, orphan children +are often left to themselves, and thus, at the age of 11 or 12 years, have +already made much progress in wickedness. Therefore I came at last to the +conclusion to take in the little girls under seven years of age, for whom +application had been made. Further, there are exceedingly few institutions +in the kingdom, in which infant orphans are received, and provided with +scriptural education. Further, it has been repeatedly brought before me, +how desirable it would be to establish also in this city an orphan-house +for male children, and there were even the above-mentioned articles sent +for little orphan boys. Partly, then, on account of these reasons; and +partly, because the Institution already opened will be quite filled in a +few days, and applications continue to be made; and partly, because the +Lord has done hitherto far above what I could have expected: I have at +last, after repeated prayer, come to the conclusion, in the name of the +Lord, and in dependence upon Him alone for support, to propose the +establishment of an Infant-Orphan-House. It is intended to open this +Institution, as soon as suitable premises and individuals, to take care of +the children, &c., have been obtained. + +a. It is intended to receive into this Infant-Orphan-House destitute male +and female infants bereaved of both parents, from their earliest days up +to the seventh year, and to provide them with food, clothing, needful +attendance, and Scriptural education. + +b. It is intended to let the female children stay up to the seventh year +in the Infant-Orphan-House, and then to remove them to the Institution +already opened, till they are able to go to service. + +c. It is also intended, as far as the Lord may help, to provide for the +boys, when they are above seven years, though we cannot at present say in +what manner. + +In proposing the establishment of this second Orphan-House, I do it in +the same simple dependence upon God alone, as in the case of the former. +And feeling my own weakness, and knowing that it is not in my power to +give faith to myself, I ask the brethren to help me with their prayers, +that my faith may not fail. + +6. To avoid misunderstandings, I would expressly state, that both the +last mentioned Institution, and the one already opened, are for orphan +children living in any part of the United. Kingdom. + +GEORGE MÜLLER. + +Bristol, May 18, 1836. + +June 3. From May 16 up to this day I have been confined to the house, and +a part of the time to my bed, on account of a local inflammation, which +keeps me from walking. Almost every day during this time I have been able +to continue writing a narrative of the Lord's dealings with me, which had +been again laid aside after May 7, on account of a number of pressing +engagements. It is very remarkable, that the greatest objection against +writing it for the press was want of time. Now, through this affliction, +which leaves my mind free, and gives me time, on account of confinement to +the house, I have been able to write about 100 quarto pages. May the Lord +in mercy teach me about this matter! + +June 8. I am still getting better. The abscess is now open. This +affliction has been, by the mercy of the Lord, an exceedingly light one. +Not one day have I had severe pain, and not one day have I been kept +altogether from working. June 9. I was able to go again today to the +Orphan-House, and to read the Scriptures with the children. This day came +three more children, who have made up our number, so that there are now +thirty in the house. + +June 11. I am, by the mercy of God, still getting better, but, as yet, +unable to walk about. All this week I have been again enabled to go on +writing for the press. June 12. Today the Lord very kindly allowed me to +preach again, and that most undeservedly, and much sooner than I could +have expected. June 14. This morning, brother C-r and I prayed unitedly, +chiefly about the schools and the circulation of the Scriptures. Besides +asking for blessings upon the work, we have also asked the Lord for the +means which are needed; for on July 1, 17l. 10s. will be due for the rent +of school-rooms, and, besides this, we want at least 40l. more to go on +with the circulation of the Scriptures, to pay the salaries of the +masters, &c. Towards all this we have only about 7l. I also prayed for the +remainder of the 1000l. for the Orphan-House. + +June 18. We have had, for many weeks past, generally little money for our +personal expenses, which has been a trial to us, not on our own account, +but because we have thus been able to do but very little for the poor +brethren. Today, Saturday, we have 3s. left, just enough to pay for a fly +to take me to and bring me back from Bethesda tomorrow, as I am unable to +walk. This money we should not have had, but for our baker, a brother, who +refused today to take money for the usual quantity of bread, which we +daily take. + +June 21. This evening brother C-r and I found, that the Lord has not only +been pleased to send us, through the offerings which have come in during +the last week, in answer to our prayers, the 17l. 10s. which will be due +for the rent of two school-rooms on July 1st, but that we have 5l. more +than is needed. Thus the Lord once more has answered our prayers. + +June 25. Saturday. We have been again helped through this week, as it +regards our personal need, and have 3s. left, though we had many shillings +to pay for driving about. Now the Lord has put it into the hearts of some +of His children, to provide me with a fly every Lord's-day, as long as I +may need it. + +July 1. Today a suit of new clothes was given to me, which came very +seasonably. May this fresh instance of the Lord's loving-kindness lead me +to love Him more; and may He also be pleased richly to reward those +brethren, who have thus ministered to my need! July 16. Today a brother +sent me a new hat, the seventh which in succession has been given to me. + +July 28. For some weeks past we have not been able to pay the salary of +the masters and governesses a month in advance, but have been obliged to +pay it weekly. Brother C-r and I have lately prayed repeatedly together +respecting the funds, but we were now brought so low, that we should not +have been able to pay even this weekly salary of the teachers, had not the +Lord most remarkably helped us again today. For besides 1l. which was +given to us, this evening a brother gave 8l., which sum had been made up +by a number of his workmen paying weekly one penny each, of their own +accord, towards our funds. The money had been collecting for many months, +and, in this our necessity, it had been put into the heart of this brother +to bring it. My faith has been greatly strengthened through this +circumstance. For before today, though I have never been in the least +allowed to doubt the Lord's faithfulness, I did not understand His purpose +in His dealings with us of late, in not sending us more than we have +needed just to be kept from stopping; and I have sometimes thought, +whether it might not be His will, on account of my want of faithfulness in +His work, to decrease the field; but now I see, that notwithstanding my +unworthiness, His allowing us to pray so frequently, was only that the +deliverance might be felt so much the more when it came. + +July 29. This evening from six to half-past nine we had again a meeting +for inquirers. There came twelve fresh cases before us, and there were six +more than we could see. Thus we saw, that the work of the Lord, even as it +regards conversion, is still going on among us. + +October 1. Today, in dependence upon the Lord alone for means, we engaged +a brother as a master for a sixth day school. Last Saturday, for the first +time, we were so low in funds, that we needed 1l. more than we had, to pay +the salaries a week in advance; but one sister, on account of the death of +her father, as we afterwards learned, was kept from calling for her money, +and on the next day we received more than was needed to pay her. On +account, therefore, of the many deliverances which we have had of late, we +have not hesitated to enlarge the field, as another boys' school was +greatly needed, there having been many applications for admission standing +these several months past. + +October 5. This evening 25l. was given to me for the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution. Thus the Lord has already given the means of defraying the +expenses of the new boys' school for some months to come. + +October 19. Today, after having many times prayed respecting this matter, +I have at last engaged a sister as matron for the Infant-Orphan-House, +never having been able, up to this day, to meet with an individual who +seemed suitable: though there has been money enough in hand for some time +past for commencing this work, and there have been also applications made +for several infant orphans. + +October 25. Today we obtained without, any trouble, through the kind hand +of God, very suitable premises for the Infant-Orphan-House. If we had laid +out many hundred pounds in building a house, we could scarcely have built +one more suitable for the purpose. How evident is the hand of God in all +these matters! How important to leave our concerns, great and small, with +Him; for He arranges all things well! If our work be His work, we shall +prosper in it. + +November 30. On account, as I suppose, of many pressing engagements, I +had not been led for some time past to pray respecting the funds. But +being in great need, I was led yesterday morning, earnestly to ask the +Lord, and in answer to this petition a brother gave me last evening 10l. +He had had it in his heart for several months past, to give this sum, but +had been hitherto kept from it, not having the means. Just now, in this +our great necessity, the Lord furnished him with the means, and we were +helped in this way. In addition to this 10l., I received last evening a +letter with 5l., from a sister whom I never saw, and who has been several +times used by God as an instrument to supply our wants. She writes thus: +"It has been so much on my mind lately to send you some money, that I feel +as if there must be some need, which the Lord purposes to honour me by +making me the instrument of supplying. I therefore enclose you 5l., all I +have in the house at this moment; but if you have occasion for it, and +will let me know, I will send you as much more." Besides these two +donations, I received today 3l. 3s. + +December 15. This day was set apart for prayer and thanksgiving +respecting the Infant-Orphan-House, which was opened on November 28. In +the morning we had a prayer-meeting. In the afternoon, besides prayer and +thanksgiving, I addressed the children of our day-schools and the orphans, +about 350, on Ecclesiastes xii. 1. In the evening I gave a further account +of the Orphan-Houses, commencing from the time when the last printed +account had been issued, dated May 18, 1836. The substance of this account +was printed, and is reprinted here for the sake of those who are as yet +unacquainted with it. + +Further account of the Orphan-House for Female Orphans above Seven Years +of Age; and Opening of the Infant-Orphan-House, for destitute Male and +Female Orphans under Seven Years of Age. + +It is now a twelve-month since the proposal for the establishment of an +Orphan-House was first made. Since then the Lord has given me almost all I +requested of Him, and in some respects even more. This was in part stated +in the last two papers which were printed on this subject dated January +16, and May 18, 1836. Of the 1,000l. which I had asked of God on December +5, 1835, I had actually received on May 18, 1836, 450l. 13s. 6 3/4d.; and +besides this, 70l. had been promised by two brethren. As it regards +premises, articles of clothing, furniture, &c., I had received even beyond +my petition. I have now the pleasure of detailing, still further, how God +has continued to answer my prayer since May 18, 1836. + +May 19th was given 1l. 23rd 1l. and 4s. There were also sent two buckets +and 1s. 24th., 10 s. 6d., 2d., 1s. 6d. 25th, one pound of butter, 2s., +1s., 1s. There was also sent 14s., and in the paper was written: "The +history of this money is: A lady was going to purchase a dress. The +enclosed sum was the difference between the fashionable one, which took +her fancy, and one less fashionable. So she thought, the orphans should +profit by this sacrifice of her fancy." May 27th, there was left at my +house a sovereign, and in the paper was written: 1 Thess. v. 25." [Pause +with me a few moments, dear reader, before going on with the account. In +preparing the third edition for the press, I have been struck with the +very many cases in which individuals, who are spoken of in this narrative, +are no more in the land of the living. So it is with the two donors of the +last mentioned sums. The dear sister who would not indulge her fancy in +having a more fashionable dress, but who would rather give the fourteen +shillings, which thus could be saved, to the orphans, has been with her +Lord for more than two years. Will she regret not having indulged her +fancy in that instance? Will she now suffer loss on account of it? Surely +not!--The dear brother who gave the sovereign, was a gracious devoted +clergyman of the City of Bristol. He had written in the paper in which the +sovereign was enclosed, "1 Thess. v. 25." ("Brethren, pray for us.") This +dear man of God does now no longer need our prayers. He entered into his +rest several years ago. Yet a little while, dear believing reader, and, if +the coming of the Lord prevent not, we too shall fall asleep in Jesus. +Therefore, let us work, "while it is day: the night cometh, when no man +can work." And, "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might: +for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom in the grave, +whither thou goest."--But how would it be with you, dear reader, if you +are unprepared, and should be taken out of the world? Let me beseech you +to seek the Lord while He may be found. Jesus died to save sinners. He +shed His blood. He fulfilled the law of God, and died the JUST for the +UNJUST: and whosoever depends for salvation upon His perfect obedience, +and upon His sufferings and death, shall be saved; for God has said it.] +May 28th, A fender and two coal scuttles. 29th, 5l. 30th, 4s. Also 2s. +6d., with two gowns and a tippet. The brother who left a sovereign with "1 +Thess. v. 25," gave today 10s. more; 2s. 4d. June 1st, from a few sisters +in Dublin, nine pocket handkerchiefs, 19 1/2 yards of stuff, and forty-two +yards of print. 4th, 5s. 6d., eighteen little books. 5th, 6d., 4d., 4d., +4d. 6th, 4s. 7th, 5s. 1d., 2l. 2s. 6d. 8th, 4d., 1s., 1s., 3s. 9th, six +pairs of gentlemen's trousers, two coats, one waistcoat, five pairs of +socks, two gowns--all worn. 10th, 1l., also from a friend in Ireland 1l. +12th, S. S. 2s. 6d. 13th, 4s., 5l. 14th, 1s. 1d., 1s., 2s. 6d., 6d., 1s., +2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 3s. 3d., 1s. 1d., 1s. 1d. 15th, a brother at Plymouth +sent 25l., 20l. of which had been previously promised. 18th, 1l., 1d., 6 +1/4 pounds of bacon, a form, a chopping knife. 19th, 1l. 1s., 10s.; 12s. +by sale of ornaments. 20th, 4s. Also from Teignmouth, 5s., 5s., 2s. 6d., +2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 3l., 10s., 2s. 6d., 1s. 1d., 5s., together with +a gown, a boy's pinafore, a pair of socks, coloured cotton for three +children's frocks, two babies' bed gowns, and five babies' night caps. +21st, 5l. 10s., 6d., 4d., 2d., 4d., 2d., 6d., 6d., twenty pounds of bacon +and ten pounds of cheese. 22d, box in the Orphan-House, 2s. 4d. 24th, 2s. +6d., 3s. 8 1/2d. 27th, 4s. 28th, 2s. 6d., 4s., 4d., 6d., 10s., 6s. 6d. +29th, six straw bonnets. 30th, 5s., 2l. July 4th, 6d., 4d., 4d., 4d., 4s. +There was also sent from "two orphans" 48l., 1s. 1d., 10s., 8s. 6d., 2s. +6d., 1s. 1d., 1s. 1d., 1s. 1d., 1s. 4d. 5th, 1s., 1s. 2d., 3d., 4s., 4d., +1s. 6th, six new cane chairs. 7th, 2l., 12s., 10s., 2s. 8th, 1s., 2s. 6d., +3s. 10th, 10s., 10s., 1l., 1l. 11th, 8s., 13s. 12th, 13s. 2d. 13th, 12s. +14th, there were sent six chemises, which had been promised on April 14th. +Also fourteen pin cushions. 15th, six night caps and 2 petticoats. 20th, +10s., 5s., 1l., 6d., 2d., 6d., 6d., 4d., 6d., 4d., 2d., 4d. 24th, 1l. +25th, 8s., S. S. 5s. Also 25 3/4 yards of print, 12 little shawls and 16 +yards of flannel. 26th, box in the Orphan-House 5s. 9d., 4d. 27th, two +pairs of shoes. 28th, 3s. 8 1/2d. 29th, 2s. 6d., 6d., 4d., 4d., 4d. August +1st, 4s., 1l. 10., two chemises, three night caps, and ten pocket +handkerchiefs; two chemises, three night caps, and six pocket +handkerchiefs. 2nd, 8d., 1s., 1s. 3d., 1s. 3d., 1s., 1s., 6d.., 5s., 2s. +6d., 1s., 1d., 1d., one patch work quilt. 5th, 6s. 8th, 4s. 10th, a box, +six canisters, and an inkstand, 13th, 5s. 15th, 1l., S. S. 2s. 6d., 4s. +16th, 6d., 6d., 4d., 4d., 4d., 6d., 1s., 1s. 6d. 19th, 1s. 2 1/2d. 23rd, +1s., 10s., 1l., 2s. 6d. September 1st, 1s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s., 1s., 4d., +6d., 4d., 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 1s. 6d., 6d., 6d., 2d., 1l., 1l., twelve +chemises, one worn stuff frock, 4d., 4d., a basket of apples, and three +pounds of sugar. 3rd, 1l., 5l. 5th, 12s. 7th, 5s., 2s. 6d. 8th, 5s. 13th, +1s., 1s., 1s., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 3d., 1s., 1s. 1d., +1s. 1d., 2d., 6d., 6d., 2s. 6d., 6d. 14th, 1l., 10s., 10s., 14 pinafores, +a basket of apples. 19th, 8s., 2s. 6d. Box in the Orphan-House 1l. 6s. 1 +1/4d., 10s. 20th, 6d., 6d., 4d., 4d., 1d, 4d. 27th, several numbers of the +"Record" were sent to be sold for the benefit of the Orphan-House, 4d., +4d., 2s., 2s. 6d. 30th, 1l. was given as "A Thank-offering for spiritual +mercies vouchsafed to a child." Also Mr. B-sen., Surgeon, kindly +offered, today, to give his attendance and medicine gratuitously to the +orphans. October 1st, 6d., 4d., 4d., 4d. A worn cloak. 3rd, 5s., 3s. 3d., +1s. A gallon of dried peas. 4th, 1l. 3s. 6d. 10th, 4s., 1s. 1d., 1s. 1d., +1s. 1d., 1s. 11th, 10s., 2d., 6d., 3s. 3d. 14th, 4 1/2 gallons of beer. +16th, three tippets, 8d., 4d., 5s., 5s., 5s., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 10s., +10s., 2s., 1s., 1s., 2s. 6d., 5s. 17th, 4s. 18th, 10s., 6d., 6d., 4d., +4d., 6d., 1d., 4d., 1s. 19th, 1l. 24th, 4s. 25th, three frocks, two +pinafores, two tippets, three pairs of sleeves, 10s., 10s., 4d., 1s. 27th, +three tippets. Anonymously was sent by post, 10s., with the request that +prayer should be made for the donor, for divine guidance under +circumstances of much doubt and anxiety. 29th, 12 cloth tippets. 31st, 4s. +November 2nd, 1s. 3d., 1s. 3d., 1s. 4th, two little cloaks, four quarterns +of bread. 5th, two turkeys, 6d., 4d., 4d., 4d. There was also given by a +brother £100.--£50. of which was previously promised, to ensure the rent +for premises. It is a remarkable fact concerning this donation, that I +had, in December of last year, repeatedly asked the Lord to incline the +heart of this brother to give one hundred pounds, and I made a memorandum +of this prayer in my journal of December 12, 1835. On January 25th, 1836, +fifty pounds was promised by him, and on November 5, fifty pounds besides +that sum was given; but it was not till some days after, that I +remembered, that the very sum, for which I had asked the Lord, had been +given. Thus we often may receive an answer to prayer, and scarcely +remember that it is an answer. When it came to my mind that this prayer +had been noted down in my journal, and I showed it to the donor, we +rejoiced together; he, to have been the instrument in giving, and I to +have had, the request granted. November 6th, S. S. 7s. 6d. 7th, +anonymously was sent a ton of coals, 4s., one petticoat, two pairs of +gloves, two ruffs. 8th, 5l., 2s. 2d., 3s., 2s. 2d., 2s. 2d., 1s. 6d., 2d., +6d., 1s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d. 14th, there was given 20l. for the +Orphan-house, and 20l. for the Infant-Orphan-House. Both papers, +in which the money was enclosed, contained these words: "If the +Lord prolongs the life of the unworthy giver of the enclosed, the +same sum will be given at Christmas."--It has been more than once +observed to me that I could not expect to continue to receive large +sums; for that persons, when first such an institution is established, +might be stirred up to give liberally, but that afterwards one had to look +to a number of regular subscribers, and that, if +those were lacking, it was not likely that such a +work could go on. On such occasions, I have said but little; +but I have had the fullest assurance, that it is a small matter +for the Lord to incline donors to give liberally, a second or +third time, if it were for our real welfare. And accordingly the donor, +above referred to, added to the first 50l. another 50l., and the last +mentioned benefactor, to the 50l., given on a former occasion, added +the just mentioned 40l., with the promise to give another 40l. +at Christmas. I would only add on this subject, that there are +some subscribers, and even some who give considerably; yet +I would state, for the Lord's glory, that if they were +twenty times as many, I should desire that my eyes might not be directed +to them, but to the Lord alone, and that I might be enabled to take the +payment of every subscription as a donation from HIM. On the +other hand, if there were no subscribers at all, yet the Lord, who +heareth prayer, is rich to give according to our need.--There +was given also today, "A widow's mite," 10s.--also 4d. November +14th, 4s., also four ducks. For the Infant-Orphan-House, five +frocks, four shirts, four chemises, a bed gown, two petticoats; three +quarterns bread. 15th 6d., 6d., 4d., 6d., 4d. 16th, by sale of trinkets, +1l. 5s., 4s. 18th, anonymously were sent a boy's cap, a bonnet, a small +piece of print. 19th, four quarterns of bread. 21st, 4s., 2s. 6d. 22nd, +4d., 6d., 6d. 23rd, three frocks, a tippet, six pairs of sheets, three +pairs of blankets. 25th, 12 hymn books, a worn cloak, a new tent bedstead. +27th, anonymously put into Bethesda boxes 5s. 28th, 4s. 29th, two turkeys. +30th, 10s., five yards of blanketing, a worn shawl. December 1st, a +patch-work quilt and five yards of print, 3d., 10s. 4th, 5l. 5s. +5th, 4s., 1l. 5s. 6th, 6d., 2d., a worn cloak, a petticoat, a piece +of linen for window curtains. 8th, box in the Orphan-House +2l. 4s. 1 1/2d. 9th, 1l. Also 1l. with "Mark ix. 36, 37," written on +the paper. A most encouraging passage for this work, the force of which I +had never felt before.--About a hundred weight of treacle. + +I. From this statement it appears, that 770l. 0s. 9 1/2d. has been +actually given, and that 40l. is promised. All the money, and all the +articles of furniture, clothing, provision, &c., have been given, without +one individual having been asked by me for anything, from which I have +still refrained, that the Lord's own hand might be clearly seen in the +matter, and that the whole might clearly appear as an answer to prayer. + +II. After frequent prayer, that, if it were the will of God, He would be +pleased to send us a Matron and Governess for the Infant-Orphan-House, +this petition also has been answered. In addition to this we obtained a +convenient house for the purpose, No. 1, Wilson Street, together with a +piece of ground for a play-ground; and we therefore began to furnish it on +November 21st, and on November 28th we took in the first children. + +III. Of late it has appeared well to us to employ some of the strongest +and eldest girls of the Orphan-House in the work of the +Infant-Orphan-House, under the direction of the Matron and +Governess. From this plan it appeared the following advantages would +result. 1st. Thus the wages which we should have to pay to assistants +would be saved. 2nd. Without any further expense to the Institution, +we should in this way be able to support five or six orphans more. +3rd. If thus the bigger girls of the Orphan-House pass through the +Infant-Orphan-House, before they are sent into service, they will be +accustomed to nursery work, which is so important for young servants. +4th. This plan would allow us to have the bigger girls longer under +our care, as we should have full employment for them. + +[In the original paper follow eight other paragraphs, containing the +audited account and various other points of information respecting the two +Orphan-Houses, which, at the time when this Report was issued, were of +importance to the donors, but are left out now, as it seems desirable to +make this edition of the Narrative as concise as may be. This plan has +also been adopted concerning the three previous papers, and will be +further adhered to.] + +GEORGE MÜLLER. + +Bristol, Dec. 20, 1836. + +December 31. We had this evening a prayer-meeting to praise the Lord for +His goodness during the past year, and to ask Him for a continuance of His +favours during the coming year. We continued together till half-past +eleven. During the past year there have been received into the church of +Gideon, 23 brethren and sisters, and into that of Bethesda, 29--altogether +52. Of these 52, 31 have been brought to the knowledge of the Lord through +the instrumentality of brother Craik and me. There have now been admitted +into Gideon Church, 79 brethren and sisters who have been converted +through our instrumentality, and 86 into the Church of Bethesda: 165 seals +to our ministry in Bristol. Besides this, several have fallen asleep in +the faith who never were in communion with us; several of our spiritual +children are connected with other churches in and out of Bristol; and many +are now standing as hopeful characters on the list of candidates for +fellowship. There have been added to the church of Gideon, since we came +to Bristol, 154; to the church at Bethesda, 193--altogether 347; so that +the number of both churches would be 415 (68 believers we found at +Gideon), had there been no changes; but: + +Of Gideon church are under +church discipline 5; of Bethesda 8; altogether 13 + +Do. have fallen asleep 15 do. 7 do. 22 + +Do. have left Bristol 12 do. 6 do. 18 + +Do. have left us, but are +still in Bristol . . 9 do. 4 do. 13 + +41 25 66 + +There are, therefore, at present, in fellowship with us at Gideon 181, +and at Bethesda 168--altogether 349. + +The Lord has been pleased to give me during the past year, as it regards +my temporal supplies:-- + +1. In offerings through the boxes £133 8s. 9d. + +2. In presents of money, from brethren in and out of Bristol £56 13s. 0d. + +3. Through family connexion £5 0s. 0d. + +4. Besides this have been sent to us clothes, provisions, &c., which were +worth to us at least £30 0s. 0d. + +5. We have been living half free of rent during the last nine months, +whereby we have saved at least £7 10s. 0d. + +Altogether £232 11s. 9d. + +January 2, 1837. This evening the two churches had again an especial +prayer-meeting, which was continued till half-past ten. + +January 5. Today a sister called and told me about the conversion of her +father, who, in his eightieth year, after having for many years lived +openly in sin, is at last brought to the knowledge of the Lord. May this +encourage the children of God to continue to pray for their aged parents +and other persons; for this sister had long prayed for the conversion of +her father, and at last, though only after twenty years, the Lord gave her +the desire of her heart. It was an especial refreshment to my spirit to +hear the particulars of this case, as I had known so much of the sinful +life of this aged sinner. + +January 31, and February 2. These two days we have had especial meetings +for prayer and humiliation, on account of the influenza, to acknowledge +the hand of God in this chastisement, as the disease is so prevalent in +Bristol. + +April 8. There are now 60 Children in the two Orphan-Houses, 30 in each. + +April 22. The Lord has mercifully stayed the typhus fever in the +Orphan-House, in answer to prayer. There were only two cases, and +the children are recovering. + +April 24. This evening we had a comfortable meeting with 30 brethren and +sisters over the Word. (Of late brother Craik and I have frequently set +apart an evening, generally once a week, to meet with ten, twenty or +thirty brethren and sisters, to take tea with them, and to spend the rest +of the evening in prayer and meditation over the Scriptures. We began +these meetings chiefly on account of having thus an opportunity of seeing +more of the saints, as the greatness of the number of those in communion +with us makes it impossible to see them as often in their houses, as it +might be profitable, or as often as we desire. We commenced these meetings +in our own houses, choosing those in particular, of whom we had seen +little. After we had had several meetings in our own houses, we were +invited by the brethren and sisters, and they have asked others to meet +us. Sometimes also we have proposed those for invitation whom we see but +seldom. These meetings we have found both for ourselves and others very +useful, and they will, no doubt, continue to be a blessing, as long as the +Lord shall enable us to precede and follow them with prayer. They are also +particularly important as a means of the brethren becoming acquainted with +each other, and of uniting their hearts.) + +May 13. Today I have had again much reason to mourn over my corrupt +nature, particularly on account of want of gratitude for the many temporal +mercies by which I am surrounded. I was so sinful as to be dissatisfied on +account of the dinner, because I thought it would not agree with me, +instead of thanking God for the rich provision, and asking heartily the +Lord's blessing upon it, and remembering the many dear children of God who +would have been glad of such a meal. I rejoice in the prospect of that day +when, in seeing Jesus as He is, I shall be like Him. May 14. Lord's-day. +The Lord, instead of chastising me today for the ingratitude and +discontent, of yesterday, by leaving me to my own strength in preaching, +and bringing temporal want upon me, has given me a good day. I have +preached with much assistance and comfort, and the Lord has given me rich +temporal supplies: for besides the freewill offerings of 2l. 8s. 10d., a +5l. note was put into my hand for the supply of any want I may have. Thus +the Lord melted the heart by love, and made me still more see the baseness +of my conduct yesterday. Thanks be to God, the day is coming, when Satan +will triumph no more! + +May 18. There are now 64 children in the two Orphan-Houses, and two more +are expected, which will fill the two houses. + +May 28. The narrative of some of the Lord's dealings with me is now near +being published, which has led me again most earnestly this day week, and +repeatedly since, to ask the Lord that He would be pleased to give me what +is wanting of the 1000l., for which sum I have asked Him on behalf of the +orphans; for though, in my own mind, the thing is as good as done, so much +so, that I have repeatedly been able to thank God, that He will surely +give me every shilling of that sum, yet to others this would not be +enough. As the whole matter, then, about the Orphan-House had been +commenced for the glory of God, that in this way before the world and the +church there might be another visible proof, that the Lord delights in +answering prayer; and as there was yet a part of the 1000l. wanting; and, +as I earnestly desired, the book might not leave the press, before every +shilling of that sum had been given, in answer to prayer, without one +single individual having been asked by me for any thing, that thus I might +have the sweet privilege of bearing my testimony for God in this +book:--for these reasons, I say, I have given myself earnestly to +prayer about this matter since May 21. On May 22 came in 7l. 10s., +and on May 23, 3l. On May 24 a lady, whom I never saw before, called on +me and gave me 40l. This circumstance has greatly encouraged me; for the +Lord showed me thereby afresh His willingness to continue to send us +large sums, and that they can even come from individuals whom we have +never seen before. On May 26th 3l. 6s. was sent, from two unexpected +quarters. On May 27 was sent anonymously, a parcel of worn clothes from +London and a sovereign. Today (May 28) I received again 4l. 3s. 6d.; and +also a parcel was sent from a considerable distance, containing +seven pairs of socks, and the following trinkets, to be sold for the +support of the orphans: 1 gold pin with an Irish pearl, 15 Irish +pearls, 2 pine, 2 brooches, 2 lockets, 1 seal, 2 studs, 11 rings, +1 chain, and 1 bracelet, all of gold. + +June 15. Today I gave myself once more earnestly to prayer respecting the +remainder of the 1000l. This evening 5l. was given, so that now the whole +sum is made up. To the glory of the Lord, whose I am, and whom I serve, I +would state again, that every shilling of this money, and all the articles +of clothing and furniture, which have been mentioned in the foregoing +pages, have been given to me, without one single individual having been +asked by me for any thing. The reason why I have refrained altogether from +soliciting any one for help is, that the hand of God evidently might be +seen in the matter, that thus my fellow-believers might be encouraged more +and more to trust in Him, and that also those who know not the Lord, may +have a fresh proof that, indeed, it is not a vain thing to pray to God. As +the Lord then has con-descended most fully, and even above my +expectations, to answer my prayers, arid to Fill my mouth (Psalm lxxxi. +10,) will you help me, brethren and sisters beloved in the Lord, to praise +Him for His condescension. It is a wonderful thing that such a worthless, +faithless servant as I am, should have power with God. Take courage from +this for yourselves, brethren. Surely, if such a one as I am, so little +conformed to the mind of Jesus, has his prayers answered, may not you +also, at last, have your requests granted to you. During eighteen months +and ten days this petition has been brought before God almost daily. From +the moment I asked it, till the Lord granted it fully, I had never been +allowed to doubt that He would give every shilling of that sum. Often have +I praised Him beforehand in the assurance, that he would grant my request. +The thing after which we have especially to seek in prayer is, that we +believe that we receive, according to Mark xi. 24. "What things soever ye +desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have +them." But this I often find lacking in my prayers. Whenever, however, I +have been enabled to believe that I receive, the Lord has dealt with me +according to my faith. This moment while I am writing (June 28, 1837), I +am waiting on the Lord for 17l. 10s., the rent for two school-rooms, which +will be due in three days, and I have but 3l. towards that sum. I believe +God can give; I believe God is willing to give it, if it be for our real +welfare; I also have repeatedly asked God for it; but as yet I cannot in +the triumph of faith praise Him beforehand, that He will assuredly give me +this small sum. I am waiting at every delivery of letters, at every ring +at the bell, for help; I am truly waiting on God, and God alone for it; +but as yet I do not feel as sure of being able to pay the rent of those +school rooms, as I should, if I had the money already in my pocket. + +As the Lord has so greatly condescended to listen to my prayers, and as I +consider it one of the particular talents which He has intrusted to me, to +exercise faith upon His promises regarding my own temporal wants and those +of others; and as an Orphan-House for boys above seven years of age seems +greatly needed in this city; and as also, without it, we know not how to +provide for the little boys, in the Infant-Orphan-House when they are +above seven years of age; I purpose to establish an Orphan-House for about +forty boys above seven years of age. But there are three difficulties in +the way, which must first be removed, before I could take any further step +in this work. 1. My hands are more than filled already through the work +arising from the ministry of the Word, the attending to the ordering of +church affairs, and the oversight of 370 brethren and sisters. And yet, in +addition to this, I have also the work which comes upon me in connexion +with the six day-schools, a Sunday-school, an adult-school, the two +Orphan-Houses, and the circulation of the Scriptures. (This latter part +of the work is more and more increasing; for merely within the last seven +months 836 copies of the Scriptures have been circulated). For these +reasons, then, I could not in any degree enlarge the field of labour, +except the Lord should be pleased to send us a brother, who, as steward, +could take from me the work which arises from keeping the accounts, +obtaining and circulating the Scriptures, giving advice in +ordinary matters respecting the Orphan-Houses, attending +to the applications for admission of children in the Orphan-Houses, &c. +But whether there is an Orphan-House for boys established +or not, such a brother is greatly needed, even as the extent +of the work is now, and I therefore lay it on the hearts of the believers +who may read this, to help me with their prayers, that such a brother may +be found. 2. In addition to this, it would be needful, before I could take +any further step, to obtain a truly pious master for the boys, add other +suitable individuals who may be needed to take care of the children. 3. +The third thing by which I desire to be assured, that it is the will of +God that I should go forward in the Orphan-House is, that He provide the +means for such an enlargement of the work. Whilst, on the one hand I would +confess to the praise of God, that He has been pleased to give me faith to +trust in Him; yet, on the other hand, I desire to be kept from presumption +and enthusiasm. I do not intend to wait till thousands are raised, or till +the Institution is endowed; but I must have such a sum given to me as is +needed to furnish a house for forty boys, and to clothe that number, and +to have a little to begin with: without such a sum I should not consider +it to be the will of God to enlarge the field. What I ask then from the +brethren who may feel interested in seeing an Orphan-House for boys +established in Bristol is, that they would help me with their prayers, +that if it be the will of God, He Himself would be pleased to remove these +three difficulties out of the way. + +[Whilst the preceding pages of the first edition of this Narrative were +in the press, and before the reception of the last proof sheet for +correction, the same friend who gave me on May 24, 1837, Forty Pounds for +the orphans, and whom up to that time I had never seen, gave on July 12, +1837, Four Hundred and Sixty Pounds more, being altogether Five Hundred +Pounds.] + +REVIEW OF THE LAST FIVE YEARS, THE TIME THAT I HAVE + +LABOURED IN BRISTOL WITH BROTHER CRAIK. + +JULY, 1837. + +I. Some of the mercies which the Lord has granted to us during this period. + +Concerning all this time I have most especially to say, that goodness and +mercy have followed me every day. My blessings have been many and great, +my trials few and small. To the praise of God I will mention a few of the +many mercies which He has bestowed on me. + +1. I consider it one of the especial mercies that, amidst so many +engagements I have been kept in the ways of God, and that this day I have +as much desire as ever, yea more than ever, to live alone for Him, who has +done so much for me. My greatest grief is that I love Him so little. I +desire many things concerning myself; but I desire nothing so much, as to +have a heart filled with love to the Lord. I long for a warm personal +attachment to Him. + +2. I consider it likewise a great mercy, for which I can never +sufficiently praise God, that, whilst during these last five years so many +of His children have fallen into great errors, and even those who once ran +well, I, who am so faithless to Him, should have been kept from them. +There is scarcely one point of importance, comparatively speaking, +respecting which I have had scriptural reason to alter my views, since I +have come to Bristol. My views concerning the fundamental truths of the +gospel are the same as they were at the end of the year 1829 though I have +been more and more established in them during these last five years, and +have seen more minutely the mind of God concerning many truths. My relish +for the study of the word of God has not decreased. + +3. I consider it further an exceeding great mercy, that I have been kept +in uninterrupted love and union with my brother, friend, and +fellow-labourer, Henry Craik. Very few of the blessings that the Lord has +bestowed on him, on me, and on the two churches, whose servants we are, +are of greater importance. There is not one point of importance, as it +regards the truth, on which we differ. In judgment, as to matters +connected with the welfare of the saints among whom we labour, we have +been almost invariably at once of one mind. (Lord, to Thee is the praise +due for this!!!) We are as much, or more than ever united in spirit; and +if the Lord permit, we desire to labour together till He come. Who that +knows the proneness in man to seek his own, and to get glory to himself; +who that knows that the heart naturally is full of envy; who that is +acquainted with the position which we both hold in the church, and the +occasions thereby occurring for the flesh to feel offended:--who that +considers these things will not ascribe our union, our uninterrupted union +and love, entirely to the Lord? Let the brethren among whom we labour +praise God much for it! Let the brethren everywhere, who may read this, +praise God for it! This union has glorified God! This union has sprung +from God! But, for this union we depend now as much as ever upon God, and +therefore let the brethren pray, that God in mercy would give us grace, to +put aside every thing that might hinder it. + +4. We have had much joy on account of the scriptural conduct of many of +the children of God among whom we labour. The two churches have on the +whole shown, in some measure, that even in our day there can be love among +the brethren. I do not mean that we have been without trials on account of +the behaviour of the saints under our care; nor do I mean to say, that +either we or they have followed Christ as we might or ought to have done; +but only, that we have been mercifully kept hitherto from great divisions; +that the cases in which acts of discipline were needed (as the list at the +end of the last two years shows) were so few; that we have had much more +joy than sorrow on account of the brethren and sisters:--these are +matters, worthy to be noticed among the special blessings which God has +bestowed on us during the last five years. + +5. Another mercy I mention is, that it has pleased God to keep us from +some most awful characters, who either actually had proposed themselves +for fellowship, or desired to do so, and who, so far as the testimony by +word of mouth went, could fully satisfy us. From several such individuals +who lived in open sin, we have been kept, by the Spirit constraining them +to confess, and that, perhaps, even against their own will, their wicked +deeds, which they were practicing; in other instances we suspected them, +and, on making inquiry, found out their sins. + +6. Another mercy which the Lord has kindly bestowed on us is, that though +neither Brother Craik nor I am strong in body, yet we have been helped +through much work; and, at the time when we were laid aside, the Lord made +up our lack of service, either by sending help from without, or by putting +into exercise the gifts of the brethren among us. At those seasons +disunion might so easily have sprung up among the brethren; but the good +shepherd of the sheep watched so graciously over the flock, that they were +kept together in much love and union, whereby also a testimony was given +for God, that their faith stood not in the power of man. + +7. Sometimes, when particular trials were laid on us, and things appeared +very dark, the Lord most mercifully not only supported us under those +trials, but also unexpectedly delivered us much sooner out of them, than +we could have at all anticipated. May this especially encourage brethren +who labour in word and doctrine, or who rule in the church, to trust in +the Lord in Seasons of peculiar trial! + +8. My temporal wants have all these five years been most richly supplied, +so that not once have I lacked the necessaries of life, and generally I +have abounded; and all this without having one shilling of regular income. +I am not tired of this way of living, nor have I even for once been +allowed to regret having begun to live in this way. + +II. The work of the Lord in our hands. + +1. It has pleased the Lord to continue to bless the word preached by us +to the conversion of many sinners, and there seems to have been no period +during these five years, in which this work has been stopped by Him. There +have come again several cases before us lately, in which individuals have +been recently brought to apprehend their lost state by nature, and to see +that Jesus of Nazareth alone can save them. The whole number of those who +have been converted through our instrumentality in Bristol, and who have +been received into fellowship with us is 178; besides this, the Lord has +given us many seals to our ministry in this city, but the individuals are +now either only standing on the list of candidates for fellowship, or are +united to other churches in and out of Bristol, or have fallen asleep +before they were united to us. + +2. The whole number of the brethren and sisters, now in fellowship with +us, is 370: 189 at Gideon, 181 at Bethesda. + +3. It is now three years and four months since brother Craik and I began, +in dependence upon the Lord for funds, to seek to help the spread of the +Gospel through the instrumentality of schools, the circulation of the Holy +Scriptures, and by aiding Missionary exertions. Since then there have been +circulated through our instrumentality 4030 copies of the Scriptures; four +Day-Schools for poor children have been established by us; 1119 children +have been instructed in the six Day-Schools, and 353 children are now in +those six Day-Schools. Besides this, a Sunday-School, and an Adult-School +have been supplied with all they needed, and Missionary exertions in the +East Indies, in Upper Canada, and on the Continent of Europe, have been +aided. In addition to this the word of God has been preached from house to +house among the poor, in connexion with the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution, by brother C-r, within the last two years. + +4. There have been received into the Orphan-Houses 74 orphans, and there +are now 64 in them. + +And now, in conclusion, I would say that the reason, why I have spoken so +plainly about the sins of my unconverted days, is, that I may magnify the +riches of the grace of God, which has been bestowed on me, a guilty +wretch. I have weighed much whether I should do so or not, knowing well +what contempt it may bring on me; but it appeared to me, after much +prayer, that as the object of this little work is to speak well of the +Lord, I should say in a few words what I once was, in order that it might +be seen so much the more clearly, what He has done for me. I also judged +that, in doing so, some, who live at present in sin, might see through my +example the misery into which sin leads, even as it regards the present +life, and the happiness which is connected with the ways of God; and that +they also might be encouraged through what God has done for me, to turn to +Him. I have made myself therefore a fool, and degraded myself in the eyes +of the inhabitants of Bristol, that you, my dear unconverted fellow +sinners, who may read this, may, with God's blessing, be made wise. The +love of Christ has constrained me to speak about my former lies, thefts, +fraud, &c., that you might be benefited. Do not think that I am a fool, +and therefore I have told out my heart in my folly; but I have made myself +a fool for the benefit of your souls. May God in mercy, for His dear Son's +sake, grant that these pages may be a savour of life unto life to you! + +The reason why I have spoken so plainly about some of the sins and errors +into which I have fallen since my conversion, and about my answers to +prayer, and the supplies of my temporal wants, and some of my family +concerns, and the success which God has given to our labours,--is not, +because I do not know that it is contrary to worldly custom, and against +the interests of my worldly reputation; nor is it, as if I made light of +my falls; nor as if I would boast in having had my prayers so often +answered, and having been in such a variety of ways used as an instrument +in doing the Lord's work; but, I have written what I have written for the +benefit of my brethren. I have mentioned some of my sins and errors, that +through my loss the brethren who may read this may gain. I have mentioned +the answers of prayer, that through them they may be encouraged to make +known their requests unto God. I have spoken about my temporal supplies, +that through seeing how richly God has supplied my temporal wants, since +the commencement of 1830, when I left London, they may be stirred up "to +seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness," resting assured, +that, in doing so, He will give them what is needful for the life that now +is. I have alluded to some family circumstances, that children of God may +be encouraged to cast their family burdens upon the Lord, in order that, +in doing so, they may find Him carrying the burdens for them. And lastly, +I have written about the success which God has been pleased to grant us in +His work, that it may be seen, that, in acting on scriptural principles, +we have the Lord on our side, and that our mode of preaching is honoured +by Him. If in anything which I have written I have been mistaken (and what +human work is there which is free from error), I have been mistaken after +much prayer. Whilst writing I have often asked help of God. Whilst +revising the work, I have still again and again bowed my knees. I have +also frequently entreated the Lord to bless this feeble effort of mine to +speak to His praise, and I have not the slightest hesitation in saying, +that, from the earnestness and comfort which I have enjoyed in prayer, and +from the sincere self-examination of my heart, I know that God will bless +this little work. May I ask you then, my brethren and sisters, who have +been benefited in reading this book, to help me with your prayers, that it +may be blessed to others. May I also ask you, my brethren and sisters, who +think I ought not to have published it, to ask God to bless that which you +yourselves consider good and scriptural in it. + +And, now last of all, brethren beloved in the Lord, remember me in your +prayers. + +END OF THE FIRST PART + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Narrative of Some of the Lord's +Dealings with George Müller, by George Müller + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DEALINGS WITH GEORGE MÜLLER *** + +***** This file should be named 20379-8.txt or 20379-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/3/7/20379/ + +Produced by the Bookworm (bookworm.librivox AT gmail.com) + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/20379-8.zip b/20379-8.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..cccd6fe --- /dev/null +++ b/20379-8.zip diff --git a/20379.txt b/20379.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6a85556 --- /dev/null +++ b/20379.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7523 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Narrative of Some of the Lord's Dealings +with George Mueller, by George Mueller + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Narrative of Some of the Lord's Dealings with George Mueller + Written by Himself, First Part + +Author: George Mueller + +Release Date: January 15, 2007 [EBook #20379] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DEALINGS WITH GEORGE MUeLLER *** + + + + +Produced by the Bookworm (bookworm.librivox AT gmail.com) + + + + + +A NARRATIVE OF SOME OF THE LORD'S DEALINGS WITH GEORGE MUeLLER + +WRITTEN BY HIMSELF + +FIRST PART + +NINTH EDITION + +J. NISBET & CO., BERNERS STREET, LONDON. + +TO BE ALSO HAD IN BRISTOL, + +AT THE BIBLE AND TRACT WAREHOUSE OF THE SCRIPTURAL KNOWLEDGE +INSTITUTION FOR HOME AND ABROAD, No. 78 PARK STREET, AND THROUGH +ALL BOOKSELLERS. + +1865 + + +[Entered at Stationers' Hall.] + +LONDON: +DRYDEN PRESS: J. DAVY AND SONS, 137, LONG ACRE. + + +PREFACE + +TO THE + +FIRST EDITION OF THE FIRST PART. + +It was only after the consideration of many months, and after much +self-examination as to my motives, and after much earnest +prayer, that I came to the conclusion to write this little +work. I have not taken one single step in the Lord's service, +concerning which I have prayed so much. My great dislike +to increasing the number of religious books would, in +itself, have been sufficient to have kept me for ever from it, had I not +cherished the hope of being instrumental in this way to lead some of my +brethren to value the Holy Scriptures more, and to judge by the standard +of the word of God the principles on which they act. But that which +weighed more with me than any thing was, that I have reason to believe +from what I have seen among the children of God, that many of their trials +arise, either from want of confidence in the Lord as it regards temporal +things, or from carrying on their business in an unscriptural way. On +account, therefore, of the remarkable way in which the Lord has dealt with +me in temporal things, within the last ten years, I feel that I am a +debtor to the Church of Christ, and that I ought, for the benefit of my +poorer brethren especially, to make known, as much as I can, the way in +which I have been led. In addition to this, I know it to be a fact, that +to many souls the Lord has blessed what I have told them about the way in +which He has led me, and therefore it seemed to me a duty to use such +means, whereby others also, with whom I could not possibly converse, might +be benefited. That which at last, on May 6, 1836, induced me finally to +determine to write this Narrative was, that, if the Lord should permit the +book to sell, I might, by the profits arising from the sale, be enabled in +a greater degree to help the poor brethren and sisters among whom I +labour, a matter which just at that time weighed much on my mind. I +therefore at last began to write. But after three days I was obliged to +lay the work again aside, on account of my other pressing engagements. On +May 15th I was laid aside on account of an abscess and now being unable, +for many weeks, to walk about as usual, though able to work at home, I had +time for writing. When the manuscript was nearly completed, I gave it to a +brother to look it over, that I might have his judgment; and the Lord so +refreshed his spirit through it, that he offered to advance the means for +having it printed, with the understanding that if the book should not +sell, he would never consider me his debtor. By this offer not a small +obstacle was removed, as I have no means of my own to defray the expense +of printing. These two last circumstances, connected with many other +points, confirmed me that I had not been mistaken, when I came to the +conclusion that it was the will of God, that I should serve His church in +this way. + +The fact of my being a foreigner, and therefore but very imperfectly +acquainted with the English language, I judged to be no sufficient reason +for keeping me from writing. The Christian reader being acquainted with +this fact, will candidly excuse any inaccuracy of expression. + +For the poor among the brethren this Narrative is especially intended, +and to their prayers I commend it in particular. + +GEORGE MUeLLER. + +Bristol, July 5, 1837. + + + +EXTRACT FROM THE PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION OF THE FIRST +PART + +As to this second edition I would mention, that, while in substance +it is the same as the first, yet, on account of my increased +acquaintance with the English language, many verbal alterations +have been made; also several alterations have been made on account +of the increased light which the Lord has been pleased to grant +me since July, 1937; a few paragraphs have been entirely left out, +and a few new paragraphs have been added. + +GEORGE MUeLLER. + +Bristol, October 28, 1840. + + + +EXTRACT FROM THE PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION OF THE FIRST PART + +As the second edition of four thousand copies is exhausted, and +as the Lord condescends to bless this Narrative more and more, +both to believers and unbelievers, it has appeared to me a debt +which I owe to the church of God to publish this third edition. +Several new paragraphs of considerable length have been +introduced. + +GEORGE MUeLLER. + +Bristol, June 17, 1845. + + + +PREFACE TO THE EIGHTH EDITION OF THE FIRST PART + +The Seventh edition of eight thousand copies is also exhausted, +and the Lord condescends to bless yet more and more this Narrative, +both to the the conversion of unbelievers, and to the edification of +His own children. On this account I feel it my duty, as well as my +privilege, to send forth this new edition, in which scarcely any +alterations have been made. + +GEORGE MUeLLER. + +Bristol, December, 1881. + + + +PREFACE TO THE NINTH EDITION + +The reason which led me to the publication of the Eighth edition +of this Narrative, has influenced me also to publish this Ninth +edition. + +GEORGE MUeLLER. + +Bristol, March, 1895. + + + +A + +NARRATIVE, + +&c. &c. + +I was born at Kroppenstaedt, near Halberstadt, in the kingdom of Prussia, +on September 27th, 1805. In January 1810 my parents removed to +Heimersleben, about four miles from Kroppenstaedt, where my father was +appointed collector in the excise. As a warning to parents I mention, that +my father preferred me to my brother, which was very injurious to both of +us. To me, as tending to produce in my mind a feeling of self-elevation; +and to my brother, by creating in him a dislike both towards my father and +me. + +My father, who educated his children on worldly principles, gave us much +money, considering our age; not in order that we might spend it, but, as +he said, to accustom us to possess money without spending it. The result +was, that it led me and my brother into many sins. For I repeatedly spent +a part of the money in a childish way, and afterwards, when my father +looked over my little treasure, I sought to deceive him in making up the +accounts, either by not putting down all the money which he had given me, +or by professing to have more money in hand than was the case, and +counting it out accordingly before him. Now, though this deceit was found +out at last, and I was punished, yet I remained the same. For before I was +ten years old I repeatedly took of the government money which was +intrusted to my father, and which he had to make up; till one day, as he +had repeatedly missed money, he detected my theft, by depositing a counted +sum in the room where I was, and leaving me to myself for a while. Being +thus left alone, I took some of the money, and hid it under my foot in my +shoe. When my father, after his return, had counted and missed the money, +I was searched and my theft detected. + +Though I was punished on this and other occasions, yet I do not remember +that at any time, when my sins were found out, it made any other +impression upon me than to make me think how I might do the thing the next +time more cleverly, so as not to be detected. Hence it came, that this was +not the last time that I was guilty of stealing. + +When I was between ten and eleven years of age, I was sent to +Halberstadt, to the cathedral classical school, there to be prepared for +the university; for my father's desire was, that I should become a +clergyman: not, indeed, that thus I might serve God, but that I might have +a comfortable living. My time was now spent in studying, reading novels, +and indulging, though so young, in sinful practices. Thus it continued +till I was fourteen years old, when my mother was suddenly removed. The +night she was dying, I, not knowing of her illness, was playing at cards +till two in the morning, and on the next day, being the Lord's day, I went +with some of my companions in sin to a tavern, and then we went about the +streets, half intoxicated. + +The following day I attended, for the first time, the religious +instruction, which I was to receive previous to my confirmation. This +likewise was attended to in a careless manner; and when I returned to my +lodgings, my father had arrived to fetch my brother and me home to our +mother's funeral. This bereavement made no lasting impression on my mind. +I grew worse and worse. Three or four days before I was confirmed, (and +thus admitted to partake of the Lord's supper,) I was guilty of gross +immorality; and the very day before my confirmation, when I was in the +vestry with the clergyman to confess my sins, (according to the usual +practice,) after a formal manner, I defrauded him; for I handed over to +him only the twelfth part of the fee which my father had given me for him. + +In this state of heart, without prayer, without true repentance, without +faith, without knowledge of the plan of salvation, I was confirmed, and +took the Lord's supper, on the Sunday after Easter 1820. Yet I was not +without some feeling about the solemnity of the thing, and I stayed at +home in the afternoon and evening, whilst the other boys and girls, who +had been confirmed with me, walked about in the fields I also made +resolutions to turn from those vices in which I was living, and to study +more. But as I had no regard to God, and attempted the thing in my own +strength, all soon came to nothing, and I still grew worse. + +Six weeks after my confirmation I went for a fortnight to Brunswick, to a +sister of my father, where I became attached to a young female, who was a +Roman catholic. My time till Midsummer 1821 was spent partly in study, but +in a great degree in playing the piano-forte and guitar, reading novels, +frequenting taverns, forming resolutions to become different, yet breaking +them almost as fast as they were made. My money was often spent on my +sinful pleasures, through which I was now and then brought into trouble, +so that once, to satisfy my hunger, I stole a piece of coarse bread, the +allowance of a soldier who was quartered in the house where I lodged. What +a bitter, bitter thing is the service of Satan, even in this world!! + +At Midsummer 1821 my father obtained an appointment at Schoenebeck, near +Magdeburg, and I embraced the opportunity of entreating him to remove me +to the cathedral classical school of Magdeburg; for I thought, that, if I +could but leave my companions in sin, and get out, of certain snares, and +be placed under other tutors, I should then live a different life. But as +my dependence in this matter also was not upon God, I fell into a still +worse state. My father consented, and I was allowed to leave Halberstadt, +and to stay at Heimersleben till Michaelmas. During that time I +superintended, according to my father's wish, certain alterations, which +were to be made in his house there, for the sake of letting it profitably. +Being thus quite my own master, I grew still more idle, and lived as much +as before in all sorts of sin. + +When Michaelmas came, I persuaded my father to leave me at Heimersleben +till Easter, and to let me read the classics with a clergyman living in +the same place. As Dr. Nagel was a very learned man, and also in the habit +of having pupils under his care, and a friend of my father, my request was +granted. I was now living on the premises belonging to my father, under +little real control, and intrusted with a considerable sum of money, which +I had to collect for my father, from persons who owed it to him. My habits +soon led me to spend a considerable part of this money, giving receipts +for different sums, yet leaving my father to suppose I had not received +them. + +In November I went on a pleasure excursion to Magdeburg, where I spent +six days in much sin; and though my absence from home had been found out +by my father, before I returned from thence; yet I took all the money I +could obtain, and went to Brunswick, after I had, through a number of +lies, obtained permission from my tutor. The reason of my going to +Brunswick was, the attachment I had formed eighteen months previously to +the young female residing there. I spent a week at Brunswick, in an +expensive hotel. At the end of the week my money was expended. This, as +well as the want of a passport, prevented my staying any longer in the +hotel; but as I still wished to remain at Brunswick, I went to my uncle, +the husband of my father's sister, and made some excuse for not having +gone to him in the first instance. My uncle, seeing I suppose my unsteady +life, intimated after a week, that he did not wish me to remain with him +any longer. + +I then went, without money, to another hotel, in a village near +Brunswick, where I spent another week in an expensive way of living. At +last, the owner of the hotel suspecting that I had no money, asked for +payment, and I was obliged to leave my best clothes as a security, and +could scarcely thus escape from being arrested. I then walked about six +miles, to Wolfenbuttel, went to an inn, and began again to live as if I +had plenty of money. Here I stayed two days, looking out for an +opportunity to run away; for I had now nothing remaining to leave as a +pledge. But the window of my room was too high to allow of my escaping, by +getting down at night. On the second or third morning I went quietly out +of the yard, and then ran off; but being suspected and observed, and +therefore seen to go off, I was immediately called after, and so had to +return. + +I now confessed my case, but found no mercy. I was arrested, and taken +between two soldiers to a police officer. Being suspected by him to be a +vagabond or thief, I was examined for about three hours, and then sent to +gaol. I now found myself at the age of sixteen, an inmate of the same +dwelling with thieves and murderers, and treated accordingly. My superior +manners profited nothing. For though, as a particular favour, I received +the first evening some meat with my bread, I had the next day the common +allowance of the prisoners,--very coarse bread and water, and for dinner +vegetables, but no meat. My situation was most wretched. I was locked up +in this place day and night, without permission to leave my cell. The +dinner was such that on the first day I completely loathed it; and left it +untouched. The second day I took a little, the third day all, and the +fourth and following days I would fain have had more. On the second day I +asked the keeper for a Bible, not to consider its blessed contents, but to +pass away the time. However, I received none. Here then I was; no creature +with me; no book, no work in my hands, and large iron rails before my +narrow window. + +During the second night I was awakened out of my sleep by the rattling of +the bolts and keys. Three men came into my room. When I asked them in my +fright what it meant, they laughed at me, continuing quietly to try the +iron rails, to see whether I could escape.--After a few days I found out, +that a thief was imprisoned next to me, and, as far as a thick wooden +partition would allow of it, I conversed with him; and shortly after the +governor of the prison allowed him, as a favour to me, to share my cell. +We now passed away our time in relating our adventures, and I was by this +time so wicked, that I was not satisfied with relating things of which I +had been really guilty, but I even invented stories, to show him what a +famous fellow I was. + +I waited in vain day after day to be liberated.--After about ten or twelve +days my fellow prisoner and I disagreed, and thus we two wretched beings, +to increase our wretchedness, spent day after day without conversing +together.--I was in prison from December 18th, 1821, till January 12th, +1822, when the keeper came and told me to go with him to the police +office. Here I found, that the Commissioner, before whom I had been tried, +had first written to my uncle at Brunswick, and when he had written in +reply, that it was better to acquaint my father with my conduct, the +Commissioner had done so; and thus I was kept in prison till my father +sent the money which was needed for my traveling expenses, to pay my debt +in the inn, and for my maintenance in the prison. So ungrateful was I now, +for certain little kindnesses shown to me by my fellow-prisoner, that, +although I had promised to call on his sister, to deliver a message from +him, I omitted to do so; and so little had I been benefited by this my +chastisement, that, though I was going home to meet an angry father, only +two hours after I had left the town where I had been imprisoned, I chose +an avowedly wicked person as my traveling companion for a great part of my +journey. + +My father, who arrived two days after I had reached Heimersleben, after +having severely beaten me, took me home to Schoenebeck, intending to keep +me there till Easter, and then to send me to a classical school at Halle, +that I might be under strict discipline and the continual inspection of a +tutor. In the meantime I took pupils, whom I instructed in Latin, French, +arithmetic, and German Grammar. I now endeavoured, by diligence in study, +to regain the favour of my father. My habits were, as to outward +appearance, exemplary. I made progress in my own studies, benefited my +pupils, and was soon liked by every body around me, and in a short time my +father had forgotten all. But all this time I was in heart as bad as ever; +for I was still in secret habitually guilty of great sins. + +Easter came, and on account of my good behaviour, my diligence in study, +and also because I was no expense to my father, but earned much more than +I cost him, I easily persuaded him to let me stay at home till Michaelmas. +But after that period he would not consent to my remaining any longer with +him, and therefore I left home, pretending to go to Halle to be examined. +But having a hearty dislike to the strict discipline of which I had heard, +and knowing also that I should meet there young men attending the +university with whom I was acquainted, enjoying all the liberty of German +students, whilst I myself was still at school: for these and other reasons +I went to Nordhausen, and had myself examined by the director of the +gymnasium, to be received into that school. I then went home, but never +told my father a word of all this deception, till the day before my +departure, which obliged me to invent a whole chain of lies. He was then +very angry; but at last, through my entreaties and persuasion, he gave way +and allowed me to go. This was in the beginning of October, 1822. + +I continued at Nordhausen two years and six months, till Easter, 1825. +During this time I studied with considerable diligence the Latin classics, +French, history, my own language, &c.; but did little in Hebrew, Greek, +and the Mathematics. I lived in the house of the director, and got, +through my conduct, highly into his favour, so much so, that I was held up +by him in the first class as an example to the rest, and he used to take +me regularly with him in his walks, to converse with me in Latin. I used +now to rise regularly at four, winter and summer, and generally studied +all the day, with little exception, till ten at night. + +But whilst I was thus outwardly gaining the esteem of my fellow-creatures, +I did not care in the least about God, but lived secretly in +much sin, in consequence of which I was taken ill, and for thirteen weeks +confined to my room. During my illness I had no real sorrow of heart, yet +being under certain natural impressions of religion, I read through +Klopstock's works without weariness. I cared nothing about the word of +God. I had about three hundred books of my own, but no Bible. I +practically set a far higher value upon the writings of Horace and Cicero, +Voltaire and Moliere, than upon the volume of inspiration. Now and then I +felt that I ought to become a different person, and I tried to amend my +conduct, particularly when I went to the Lord's supper, as I used to do +twice every year, with the other young men. The day previous to attending +that ordinance, I used to refrain from certain things; and on the day +itself I was serious, and also swore once or twice to God, with the emblem +of the broken body in my mouth, to become better, thinking that for the +oath's sake I should be induced to reform. But after one or two days were +over, all was forgotten, and I was as bad as before. + +I had now grown so wicked, that I could habitually tell lies without +blushing. And further, to show how fearfully wicked I was, I will mention, +out of many others, only one great sin, of which I was guilty, before I +left this place. Through my dissipated life I had contracted debts, which +I had no means of discharging; for my father could allow me only about as +much as I needed for my regular maintenance. One day, after having +received a sum of money from him, and having purposely shown it to some of +my companions, I afterwards feigned that it was stolen, having myself by +force injured the lock of my trunk, and having also designedly forced open +my guitar case. I also feigned myself greatly frightened at what had +happened, ran into the director's room with my coat off, and told him that +my money was stolen. I was greatly pitied. Some friends also gave me now +as much money as I pretended to have lost, and the circumstance afforded +me a ground upon which to ask my creditors to wait longer. But this matter +turned out bitterly; for the director, having ground to suspect me, though +he could not prove anything, never fully restored me to his confidence. + +As it regards my own feeling, though I was very wicked, yet this +desperate act of depravity was too much, even for my hardened conscience; +for it never afterwards allowed me to feel easy in the presence of the +director's wife, who, like a kind mother, had waited on me in my illness, +and on whom I had now so willfully brought trouble. How long-suffering was +God at this time, not to destroy me at once! And how merciful that he did +not suffer me to be tried before the police, who easily would have +detected that the whole was a fabrication! I was heartily glad for many +reasons, but particularly on account of this latter circumstance, to be +able soon after to exchange the school for the university. + +I had now obtained what I had fondly looked forward to. I became a member +of the university, and that with very honourable testimonials. I had thus +obtained permission to preach in the Lutheran Establishment, but I was as +truly unhappy, and as far from God as ever. I had made strong resolutions, +now at last, to change my course of life, for two reasons: first, because, +without it, I thought no parish would choose me as their pastor; and +secondly, that without a considerable knowledge of divinity I should never +get a good living, as the obtaining of a valuable cure, in Prussia, +generally depends upon the degree which the candidates of the ministry +obtain in passing the examination. But the moment I entered Halle, the +university town, all my resolutions came to nothing.--Being now more than +ever my own master, and without any control as long as I did not fight a +duel, molest the people in the streets, &c., I renewed my profligate life +afresh, though now a student of divinity. When my money was spent, I +pawned my watch and a part of my linen and clothes, or borrowed in other +ways. Yet in the midst of it all I had a desire to renounce this wretched +life, for I had no enjoyment in it, and had sense enough left to see, that +the end one day or other would be miserable; for I should never get a +living. But I had no sorrow of heart on account of offending God. + +One day when I was in a tavern with some of my wild fellow-students, I +saw among them one of my former school-fellows, named Beta, whom I had +known four years before at Halberstadt, but whom at that time had +despised, because he was so quiet and serious. It now appeared well to me +to choose him as my friend, thinking that if I could but have better +companions, I should by that means improve my own conduct. I entered into +familiar discourse with him, and we were soon much knit to one another. +"Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm." +Jeremiah xvii. 5. + +This Beta was a backslider. When formerly he was so quiet at school, I +have reason to believe it was because the Spirit of God was working on his +heart; but now, having departed from the Lord, he tried to put off the +ways of God more and more, and to enjoy the world of which he had known +but little before. I sought his friendship because I thought it would lead +me to a steady life; and he gladly formed an acquaintance with me, as he +told me afterwards, because he thought it would bring him into gay +society. Thus my poor foolish heart was again deceived. And yet, God, in +His abundant mercy, made him, after all, in a way which was never thought +of by me, the instrument of doing me good, not merely for time, but for +eternity. + +About this period, June 1825, I was again taken ill in consequence of my +profligate and vicious life. My state of health would therefore no longer +allow me to go on in the same course, but my desires were still unchanged. +About the end of July I recovered. After this, my conduct was outwardly +rather better; but this arose only from want of money. At the commencement +of August, Beta and I with two other students, drove about the country, +for four days. All the money for this expensive pleasure had been obtained +by pledging some of our remaining articles. When we returned, instead of +being truly sorry on account of this sin, we thought of fresh pleasures, +and, as my love for traveling was stronger than ever, through what I had +seen on this last journey, I proposed to my friends to set off for +Switzerland. The obstacles in the way, the want of money, and the want of +the passports, were removed by me. For, through forged letters from our +parents, we procured passports; and through pledging all we could, +particularly our books, we obtained as much money as we thought would be +enough. Beta was one of the party. + +On August 18th we left Halle. It will be enough to say that we went as +far as Mount Rigi in Switzerland, by the way of Erfurt, Frankfort, +Heidelberg, Stuttgart, Zurich, and returned by the way of Constance, Ulm, +and Nuremberg. Forty-three days we were, day after day, traveling, almost +always on foot. I had now obtained the desire of my heart. I had seen +Switzerland. But still I was far from being happy. The Lord most +graciously preserved us from many calamitous circumstances, which, but for +His gracious providence, might have overtaken us. But I did not see His +hand at that time, as I have seen it since. Sickness of one or more of us, +or separation from one another, which might have so easily befallen us, +would have brought us, being so far from home, and having but just as much +money as was absolutely needed, into a most miserable condition. I was on +this journey like Judas; for, having the common purse, I was a thief. I +managed so, that the journey cost me but two-thirds of what it cost my +friends. Oh! how wicked was I now. At last all of us became tired of +seeing even the most beautiful views; and whilst at first, after having +seen certain scenes, I had been saying with Horace, at the end of +the day, in my pagan heart, "Vixi," (I have lived), I was now glad to +get home again. + +September 29th we reached Halle, from whence each of us, for the +remainder of the vacation, went to his father's house. I had now, by many +lies, to satisfy my father concerning the traveling expenses, and +succeeded in deceiving him. During the three weeks I stayed at home I +determined to live differently for the future. Once more the Lord showed +me what resolutions come to, when made in man's strength. I was different +for a few days; but when the vacation was over, and fresh students came, +and, with them, fresh money, all was soon forgotten. + +At that time Halle was frequented by 1260 students, about 900 of whom +studied divinity, all of which 900 were allowed to preach, although, I +have reason to believe, not nine of them feared the Lord. + +The time was now come when God would have mercy upon me. His love had +been set upon such a wretch as I was before the world was made. His love +had sent His Son to bear the punishment due to me on account of my sins, +and to fulfill the law which I had broken times without number. And now at +a time when I was as careless about Him as ever, He sent His Spirit into +my heart. I had no Bible, and had not read in it for years. I went to +church but seldom; but, from custom, I took the Lord's supper twice a +year. I had never heard the gospel preached, up to the beginning of +November 1825. I had never met with a person who told me that he meant, by +the help of God, to live according to the Holy Scriptures. In short, I had +not the least idea, that there were any persons really different from +myself, except in degree. + +One Saturday afternoon, about the middle of November 1825, I had taken a +walk with my friend Beta. On our return he said to me, that he was in the +habit of going on Saturday evenings to the house of a Christian, where +there was a meeting. On further enquiry he told me that they read the +Bible, sang, prayed, and read a printed sermon. No sooner had I heard +this, than it was to me as if I had found something after which I had been +seeking all my life long. I immediately wished to go with my friend, who +was not at once willing to take me; for knowing me as a gay young man, he +thought I should not like this meeting. At last, however, he said he would +call for me.--I would here mention, that Beta seems to have had conviction +of sin, and probably also a degree of acquaintance with the Lord, when +about fifteen years old. Afterwards, being in a cold and worldly state, he +joined me in this sinful Journey to Switzerland. On his return, however, +being extremely miserable, and convinced of his guilt, he made a full +confession of his sin to his father; and whilst with him, sought the +acquaintance of a Christian brother, named Richter. This Dr. Richter, who +himself had studied a few years before at Halle, gave him, on his return +to the university, a letter of introduction to a believing tradesman, of +the name of Wagner. It was this brother, concerning whom Beta spoke to me, +and in whose house the meeting was held. + +We went together in the evening. As I did not know the manners of +believers, and the joy they have in seeing poor sinners, even in any +measure caring about the things of God, I made an apology for coming. The +kind answer of this dear brother I shall never forget. He said: "Come as +often as you please; house and heart are open to you." We sat down and +sang a hymn. Then brother Kayser, now a missionary in Africa, in +connection with the London Missionary Society, who was then living at +Halle, fell on his knees, and asked a blessing on our meeting. This +kneeling down made a deep impression upon me; for I had never either seen +any one on his knees, nor had I ever myself prayed on my knees. He then +read a chapter and a printed sermon; for no regular meetings for +expounding the Scriptures were allowed in Prussia, except an ordained +clergyman was present. At the close we sang another hymn, and then the +master of the house prayed. Whilst he prayed, my feeling was something +like this: "I could not pray as well, though I am much more learned than +this illiterate man." The whole made a deep impression on me. I was happy; +though, if I had been asked, why I was happy, I could not have clearly +explained it. + +When we walked home, I said to Beta, "All we have seen on our journey to +Switzerland, and all our former pleasures, are as nothing in comparison +with this evening." Whether I fell on my knees when I returned home, I do +not remember; but this I know, that I lay peaceful and happy in my bed. +This shows that the Lord may begin His work in different ways. For I have +not the least doubt, that on that evening, He began a work of grace in me, +though I obtained joy without any deep sorrow of heart, and with scarcely +any knowledge. That evening was the turning point in my life.--The next +day, and Monday, and once or twice besides, I went again to the house of +this brother, where I read the Scriptures with him and another brother; +for it was too long for me to wait till Saturday came again. + +Now my life became very different, though not so, that all sins were +given up at once. My wicked companions were given up; the going to taverns +was entirely discontinued; the habitual practice of telling falsehoods was +no longer indulged in, but still a few times after this I spoke an +untruth.--At the time when this change took place, I was engaged in +translating a novel out of French into German, for the press, in order to +obtain the means of gratifying my desire to see Paris, &c. This plan about +the journey was now given up, though I had not light enough to give up the +work in which I was engaged, but finished it. The Lord, however, most +remarkably put various obstacles in the way and did not allow me to sell +the manuscript. At last, seeing that the whole was wrong, I determined +never to sell it, and was enabled to abide by this determination. The +manuscript was burnt. + +I now no longer lived habitually in sin, though I was still often +overcome, and sometimes even by open sins, though far less frequently than +before, and not without sorrow of heart. I read the Scriptures, prayed +often, loved the brethren, went to church from right motives, and stood on +the side of Christ; though laughed at by my fellow-students. + +It had pleased God to teach me something of the meaning of that precious +truth: "God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that +whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." +I understood something of the reason why the Lord Jesus died on the cross, +and suffered such agonies in the Garden of Gethsemane: even that thus, +bearing the punishment due to us, we might not have to bear it ourselves. +And, therefore, apprehending in some measure the love of Jesus for my +soul, I was constrained to love Him in return. What all the exhortations +and precepts of my father and others could not effect; what all my own +resolutions could not bring about, even to renounce a life of sin and +profligacy: I was enabled to do, constrained by the love of Jesus. The +individual who desires to have his sins forgiven, must seek for it through +the blood of Jesus. The individual who desires to get power over sin, must +likewise seek it through the blood of Jesus. + +In January 1826, I began to read missionary papers, and was greatly +stirred up to become a missionary myself. I prayed frequently concerning +this matter, and thus made more decided progress for a few weeks. But +soon, alas! I was drawn aside. I used frequently to meet a young female, +who also came to the meetings on Saturday evenings; and being the only +pious female of my own age, whom I knew, I soon felt myself greatly +attached to her. This led away my heart from missionary work, for I had +reason to believe that her parents would not allow her to go with me. My +prayers now became cold and formal, and at length were almost entirely +given up. My joy in the Lord left me. In this state I continued for about +six weeks. At the end of that time, about Easter 1826, I saw a devoted +young brother, named Hermann Ball, a learned man, and of wealthy parents, +who, constrained by the love of Christ, preferred labouring in Poland +among the Jews as a missionary, to having a comfortable living near his +relations. His example made a deep impression on me. I was led to apply +his case to my own, and to compare myself with him; for I had given up the +work of the Lord, and, I may say, the Lord Himself, for the sake of a +girl. The result of this comparison was, that I was enabled to give up +this connexion, which I had entered into without prayer, and which thus +had led me away from the Lord. When I was enabled to be decided, the Lord +smiled on me, and I was, for the first time in my life, able fully and +unreservedly to give up myself to Him. + +It was at this time that I began truly to enjoy the peace of God, which +passeth all understanding. In this my joy I wrote to my father and +brother, entreating them to seek the Lord, and telling them how happy I +was; thinking, that if the way to happiness were but set before them, they +would gladly embrace it. To my great surprise an angry answer was +returned.--About this period the Lord sent a believer, Dr. Tholuck, as +professor of divinity to Halle, in consequence of which a few believing +students came from other universities. Thus also, through becoming +acquainted with other brethren, the Lord led me on. + +With the revival of the work of grace in my heart, after the snare above +referred to had been broken, my former desire, to give myself to +missionary service, returned, and I went at last to my father to obtain +his permission, without which I could not be received into any of the +German missionary institutions. My father was greatly displeased, and +particularly reproached me, saying that he had expended so much money on +my education, in hope that he might comfortably spend his last days with +me in a parsonage, and that he now saw all these prospects come to +nothing. He was angry, and told me he would no longer consider me as his +son. But the Lord gave me grace to remain steadfast. He then entreated me, +and wept before me; yet even this by far harder trial the Lord enabled me +to bear. Before I went away I took an opportunity of reminding my brother +of my former wicked life, and told him that now, having been thus blessed +by God, I could not but live for Him. After I had left my father, though I +wanted more money than at any previous period of my life, as I had to +remain two years longer in the university, I determined, never to take any +more from him; for it seemed to me wrong, so far as I remember, to suffer +myself to be supported by him, when he had no prospect that I should +become, what he would wish me to be, namely, a clergyman with a good +living. This resolution I was enabled to keep. + +By the way I would here observe, that the Lord afterwards, in a most +remarkable way, supplied my temporal wants. For shortly after this had +occurred, several American gentlemen, three of whom were professors in +American colleges, came to Halle for literary purposes; and as they did +not understand German, I was recommended by Dr. Tholuck to teach them. +These gentlemen, some of whom were believers, paid so handsomely for the +instruction which I gave them, and for the lectures of certain professors +which I wrote out for them, that I had enough and to spare. Thus did the +Lord richly make up to me the little which I had relinquished for His +sake. "0 fear the Lord, ye His saints; for there is no want to them that +fear Him." Psalm xxxiv. 9. + +On my return from my father to Halle, I found that the more experienced +brethren thought that I ought for the present to take no further steps +respecting my desire to go out as a missionary. But still it was more or +less in my mind.--Whitsuntide and the two days following I spent in the +house of a pious clergyman in the country: for all the ministers at Halle, +a town of more than 30,000 inhabitants, were unenlightened men, God +greatly refreshed me through this visit. Dear Beta was with me. On our +return we related to two of our former friends, whose society we had not +quite given up, though we did not any longer live with them in sin, how +happy we had been on our visit. I then told them how I wished they were as +happy as ourselves. They answered, we do not feel that we are sinners. +After this I fell on my knees, and asked God to show them that they were +sinners. Having done so, I left them, and went into my bed-room, where I +continued to pray for them. After a little while I returned to my +sitting-room, and found them both in tears, and both told me that +they now felt themselves to be sinners. From that time a work of grace +commenced in their hearts. + +Shortly after this, being still greatly exercised about going out as a +missionary, and wishing much (according to my natural mind, as I now see,) +to have the matter settled, in one way or the other, without being willing +quietly, patiently, and prayerfully to wait on the Lord, I came to the +conclusion to ascertain the Lord's mind by the lot. To this end I not +merely drew a lot in private, but I bought a ticket in the royal lottery; +and I left it thus with the Lord, that if I gained any thing, I should +take it to be His will that I should become a missionary, if not, that I +should remain at home. My ticket came out with a small sum, on account of +which it appeared to me that I should be a missionary. I therefore applied +to the Berlin Missionary Society, but was not accepted, because my father +had not given his consent. + +Very soon afterwards I was led to see in some degree, and since then much +more fully, the error into which I had fallen respecting the lot. In the +first place it was altogether wrong, that I, a child of God, should have +any thing to do with so worldly a system as that of the lottery. But it +was also unscriptural to go to the lot at all for the sake of ascertaining +the Lord's mind, and this I ground on the following reasons. We have +neither a commandment of God for it, nor the example of our Lord, nor that +of the apostles, after the Holy Spirit had been given on the day of +Pentecost. 1. We have many exhortations in the word of God to seek to know +His mind by prayer and searching the Holy Scriptures, but no passage which +exhorts us to use the lot. 2. The example of the apostles (Acts i.) in +using the lot, in the choice of an apostle, in the room of Judas Iscariot, +is the only passage, which can be brought in favour of the lot, from the +New Testament, (and to the Old we have not to go under this dispensation, +for the sake of ascertaining how we ought to live as disciples of Christ). +Now concerning this circumstance we have to remember, that the Spirit was +not yet given (John vii. 39; ch. xiv. 16, 17; ch. xvi. 7, 13), by whose +teaching especially it is that we may know the mind of the Lord; and hence +we find, that, after the day of Pentecost, the lot was no more used, but +the apostles gave themselves to prayer and fasting to ascertain how they +ought to act. + +In addition to this I would give my own experience concerning the lot, +but only by way of illustrating the view just given; for the word of God +is quite sufficient on the subject. And first as it regards my using the +lot in the above case. How did it turn out? I had repeatedly asked the +Lord to show me His mind, whether He would have me to be a missionary or +not. But not coming to a satisfactory assurance, and being very anxious to +have the matter settled, I found out in my own judgment a much shorter +way, namely, the lot. I ought to have said to myself, how can an +individual, so ignorant as you are, think about being a teacher to others? +For though I was truly begotten again, and rested upon Christ alone for +salvation, still I should not have been able to give a clear explanation +of even the most elementary truths of the Gospel. How then could I be fit +to teach others? The first thing therefore I ought to have done, was, to +seek through much prayer, and searching the Scriptures, and a holy life, +to obtain more knowledge of divine things. Further, as to my impatience in +wishing the matter settled, how could I have been fit to endure in that +state the hardships and trials of a missionary life, in which my patience, +no doubt, would have been much more severely tried? I therefore ought to +have said to myself, if I cannot wait quietly, though it be many months +longer, before the Lord shows me clearly His will concerning the matter, +how then can I be fit for missionary work? Instead of thus comparing my +state of heart and knowledge, with what is required in the Scriptures from +him who is to be a teacher, I ran hastily to the lot, and thought I had +done it prayerfully. And how did it end? According to my prayers the lot +decided I should be a missionary among the heathen (and my mind, at that +time, especially inclined to the East Indies). But the way in which the +Lord has led me since has been very different. And it ought not to be said +in defense of the practice of deciding by lot--Perhaps the Lord meant you +to be a missionary among the heathen, but you did not give yourself to the +work? for I actually offered myself to a society, but was not accepted. +Moreover, since 1826 I have repeatedly offered myself most solemnly to the +Lord for this work, and am as sure that it is not His will that I should +go out a missionary for the present, as I am sure of any thing. Nor could +it be said, that perhaps the Lord yet may call me for this work. For if He +should be pleased to do so tomorrow, yet that would prove nothing +concerning the above point. For I did not use the lot to ascertain whether +at any period of my life I should be engaged in missionary work, but +whether I should then set about it. And to put such an explanation on the +matter, would be acting as false prophets, who, when their prophecies +fail, try to find out some way or other, whereby they may show that their +prophecies were true. + +About two years after I used the lot in another instance. I went one day +to a village about fifteen miles from Halle, to see the few believers +there. When I was about three miles from the place, it began to get dark; +and finding myself in a spot where the road divided, and not knowing which +way I should choose, I was greatly perplexed. I stood a moment, and then +prayed to God to show me by the lot, which was the right way. Now, truly +one may say, if the use of the lot in our day is according to the will of +God, this was particularly a case for the Lord to direct me through this +means. For here was one of His children in need, looking up to his Father +to help him, through the lot, out of his difficulty, and this His child +also on a journey in His service. I drew the lot and went the way to the +left. After some time I found I was on the wrong road. Now, at last, as I +did not know how to get into the right one, I did what I ought to have +done before, and what I believe to be a scriptural way of acting; I prayed +that the Lord graciously would send some one to put me into the right way; +and almost immediately a carriage came up, and I was directed +on my journey. + +In one other instance I used the lot some years after. It concerned a +most important matter, important for my whole life. I had then a degree of +conviction, that I ought prayerfully and patiently to wait for the Lord's +decision. But my natural mind would have the decision at once, and thus +after prayer I drew the lot, to have the matter in one way or other +settled. But facts turned out completely different from what the lot +decided. + +To ascertain the Lord's will we ought to use scriptural means. Prayer, +the word of God, and His Spirit should be united together. We should go to +the Lord repeatedly in prayer, and ask Him to teach us by His Spirit +through His word. I say, by His Spirit through His word. For if we should +think that His Spirit led us to do so and so, because certain facts are so +and so, and yet His word is opposed to the step which we are going to +take, we should be deceiving ourselves. + +For instance: A brother in business thinks he ought to leave the house in +which he lives, because it is not in a good situation. He wishes to know +the Lord's mind, as he says, and prays about the matter. After a few days, +unexpectedly, a house is offered to him without seeking after it, in a +much better situation. The house is very suitable, as he thinks; the rent +very moderate; and moreover the person who offers him the house tells him, +that, because he is a believer he will let him have it at this cheap rent. +There is, however, this scriptural objection in the way. If he goes into +this house, he must carry on so large a business, to cover his expenses, +that his time will be so occupied as to encroach upon those hours, which +ought to be devoted to his spiritual interests. Now the scriptural way of +deciding would be this: No situation, no business will be given to me by +God, in which I have not time enough to care about my soul (Matthew vi. +33). Therefore, however outward circumstances may appear, it can only be +considered as permitted of God, to prove the genuineness of my love, +faith, and obedience, but by no means as the leading of His providence to +induce me to act contrary to His revealed will. + +In connexion with this I would mention, that the Lord very graciously +gave me, from the very commencement of my divine life, a measure of +simplicity and of childlike disposition in spiritual things, so that +whilst I was exceedingly ignorant of the Scriptures, and was still from +time to time overcome even by outward sins, yet I was enabled to carry +most minute matters to the Lord in prayer. And I have found "godliness +profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of +that which is to come." Though very weak and ignorant, yet I had now, by +the grace of God, some desire to benefit others, and he who so faithfully +had once served Satan, sought now to win souls for Christ. + +I may mention a few instances. I circulated every month, in different +parts of the country, about 300 missionary papers. I also sold and +distributed a considerable number of tracts, and often took my pockets +full in my walks, and distributed them, and spoke to poor people whom I +met. I also wrote letters to some of my former companions in sin. I +visited for thirteen weeks a sick man, who, when I first began to speak to +him about the things of God, was completely ignorant of his state as a +sinner, trusting for salvation in his upright and moral life. After some +weeks, however, the Lord allowed me to see a decided change in him, and he +afterwards repeatedly expressed his gratitude, that I had been sent to him +by God, to be the means of opening his blind eyes. May this encourage the +believing reader to sow the seed, though he does not see it spring up at +once. + +Thus the Lord condescended to begin to use me soon after my conversion, +though but little; for I could bear but very little, as I did not see at +that time, as I do now, that God alone can give spiritual life at the +first, and keep it up in the soul afterwards. How imperfectly, however, on +account of my ignorance, some of these things were done, I will show by +the following instance. Once I met a beggar in the fields, and spoke to +him about his soul. But when I perceived it made no impression upon him, I +spoke more loudly; and when he still remained unmoved, I quite bawled in +talking to him; till at last I went away, seeing it was of no use. Though +none had sought the Lord less than myself, when He was pleased to begin +His work in me; yet so ignorant was I of the work of the Spirit, that I +thought my speaking very loudly would force him into repentance towards +God, and faith in the Lord Jesus. + +Having heard that there was a schoolmaster living in a village, about six +miles from Halls, who was in the habit of holding a prayer meeting at four +o'clock every morning, with the miners, before they went into the pit, +giving them also an address, I thought he was a believer; and as I knew so +very few brethren, I went to see him, in order, if it might be, to +strengthen his hands. About two years afterwards he told me, that when I +came to him first, he knew not the Lord, but that he had held these +prayer-meetings merely out of kindness to a relative, whose office +it was, but who bad gone on a journey; and that those addresses which +lie had read were not his own, but copied out of a book. He also told me, +that he was much impressed with my kindness, and, what he considered +condescension on my part in coming to see him, and this, together with +my conversation, had been instrumental in leading him to care about the +things of God; and I knew him ever afterwards as a true believer. + +This schoolmaster asked me, whether I would not preach in his parish, as +the aged and infirm clergyman would be very glad of my assistance. Up to +this time I had never preached, though for fifteen months past I might +have done so as a student of divinity; for before Christmas 1825 I had +been mercifully kept from attempting to preach, (though I wrote to my +father about July that I had preached, because I knew it would please +him), and after Christmas, when I knew the Lord, I refrained from doing +so, because I felt that I was yet too little instructed in the things of +God. The same reason ought to have still kept me from preaching; yet I +thought, that, by taking a sermon, or the greater part of one, written by +a spiritual man, and committing it to memory, I might benefit the people. +Had I reasoned scripturally, I should have said, surely it cannot be the +will of God, that I should preach in this way, if I have not enough +knowledge of the Scriptures to write a sermon. Moreover, I had not enough +light nor tenderness of conscience to see, that I was a deceiver in the +pulpit; for every body supposes, that the sermon a man preaches is, if not +entirely, at least as to the most part, his own composition. + +I now set about putting a printed sermon into a suitable form, and +committing it to memory. It was hard work. There is no joy in man's own +doings and choosings. It took me nearly a whole week to commit to memory +such a sermon as would take up nearly an hour in repeating. I got through +it, but had no enjoyment in the work. It was on August 27, 1826, at eight +in the morning, in a chapel of ease, in connexion with which my friend was +schoolmaster.5 At eleven I repeated the same sermon verbatim in the parish +church. There was one service more, in the afternoon, at which I needed +not to have done any thing; for the schoolmaster might have read a printed +sermon, as he used to do. But having a desire to serve the Lord, though I +often knew not how to do it scripturally; and knowing that this aged and +unenlightened clergyman had had this living for forty-eight years, and +having therefore reason to believe, that the gospel scarcely ever had been +preached in that place; I had it in my heart to preach again in the +afternoon. But I had no second sermon committed to memory. It came, +however, to my mind to read the 5th chapter of Matthew, and to make such +remarks as I was able. I did so. Immediately upon beginning to expound +"Blessed are the poor in spirit, &c." I felt myself greatly assisted; and +whereas in the morning my sermon had not been simple enough for the people +to understand it, I now was listened to with the greatest attention, and I +think was also understood. My own peace and joy were great. I felt this a +blessed work. After the service I left the aged clergyman as soon as +possible, lest I should lose my enjoyment. + +On my way to Halle I thought, this is the way I should like always to +preach. But then it came immediately to my mind, that such sort of +preaching might do for illiterate country people, but that it never would +do before a well educated assembly in town. I thought, the truth ought to +be preached at all hazards, but it ought to be given in a different form, +suited to the hearers. Thus I remained unsettled in my mind as it regards +the mode of preaching; and it is not surprising that I did not then see +the truth concerning this matter, for I did not understand the work of the +Spirit, and therefore saw not the powerlessness of human eloquence. +Further, I did not keep in mind, that if the most illiterate persons in +the congregation can comprehend the discourse, the most educated will +understand it too; but that the reverse does not hold true. + +It was not till three years afterwards that I was led, through grace, to +see what I now consider the right mode of preparation for the public +preaching of the Word. But about this, if God permit, I will say more when +I come to that period of my life. + +I now preached frequently, both in the churches of villages and towns, +but never had any enjoyment in doing so, except when speaking in a simple +way; though the repetition of sermons, which had been committed to memory, +brought more praise from my fellow-creatures. But from neither way of +preaching did I see any fruit. It may be, that the last day may show the +benefit even of these feeble endeavours. One reason why the Lord did not +permit me to see fruit, seems to me, that I should have been most probably +lifted up by success. It may be also, because I prayed exceedingly little +respecting the ministry of the Word, and because I walked so little with +God, and was so rarely a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the +Master's use. + +About the time that I first began to preach I lived for about two months +in free lodgings, provided for poor students of divinity in the +Orphan-House, built in dependence upon God, by that devoted and +eminent servant of Christ, A. H. Franke, Professor of Divinity at Halle, +who died 1727. I mention this, as some years afterwards I was benefited +myself through the faith of this dear man of God.--About that time I was +still so weak that I fell repeatedly into open sins, yet could not +continue in them, nay, not even for a few days, without sorrow of heart, +confession before God, and fleeing to the blood of the Lamb. And so +ignorant was I still, that I bought a crucifix in a frame, and hung it up +in my room, hoping that being thus frequently reminded of the sufferings +of my Saviour, I should not fall so frequently into sin. But in a few days +the looking to the crucifix was as nothing, and I fell about that very +time more than once deeply. + +About this time I formed an intimate acquaintance with a brother, who was +also a divinity student: and as we loved one another so much, and were so +happy in one another's society, we thought that it would greatly add to +our joy, and to one another's benefit, to live together, and that thus we +might mutually help one another. Accordingly in September 1826, I left the +free lodgings in the Orphan-House, and lived with him. But alas! we were +not aware, that because God is greatly glorified by the love and union of +His people, for this very reason Satan particularly hates it, and will, +therefore, in every possible way, seek to divide them. We ought to have +especially prayed, and that frequently, that the Lord would keep us +together in love; instead of which, I do not think that we at all feared +disunion, as we loved one another so much. For this reason our great +adversary soon got an advantage by our neglecting prayer concerning this +point, and we were disunited, and love and union were not fully restored +between us till after we had been for some time separated. + +Having heard that a very rich lady of title, residing at +Frankfort-on-the-Maine, about two hundred miles from Halle, was a +very pious person, and,in visiting a charitable institution at +Dusselthal, had given very liberally; and wishing much about the +commencement of the year 1827 to help a poor relative with a small sum +of money, and also to pay the remainder of the debt which +I had contracted for my traveling expenses to Switzerland: I +wrote to this lady, asking her to lend me a small sum of money, +in actual amount only little above L5., but, as money in the North +of Germany has much more value than in England, it was as much as L 12. or +L 15. in this country. Whilst I was writing, however, the thought occurred +to me, Suppose this lady should not be a believer? I, therefore, pointed +out to her the way of salvation, and related to her how I had been brought +to the knowledge of the truth. But I received no answer by the time I +might have had one.--I would just notice, that since 1829 my practice, on +account of what I found in the Scriptures, Rom. xiii. 8, as it regards +borrowing money, has been different. And, moreover, I have considered that +there is no ground to go away from the door of the Lord to that of a +believer, so long as He is so willing to supply our need. + +About January 20th I was one day very wretched. Satan obtained an +advantage over me through over-much work; for I was in the habit of +writing about fourteen hours a day. One morning I was in so wretched a +state, that I said in my heart, what have I now gained by becoming a +Christian? Afterwards I walked about in the streets in this wretched state +of heart, and at last I went into a confectioner's shop, where wine and +ardent spirits were sold, to eat and to drink. But as soon as I had taken +a piece of cake I left the shop, having no rest, as I felt that it was +unbecoming a believer, either to go to such places, or to spend his money +in such a way. In the afternoon of the very day on which, in the +ingratitude of my heart, I had had such unkind thoughts about the Lord, +(who was at that very time in so remarkable a manner supplying my temporal +wants, by my being employed in writing for an AMERICAN Professor), He +graciously showed me my sin, not by a severe chastisement, as I most +righteously deserved, but by adding another mercy to the many He had +already shown me. Oh! how long-suffering is our Lord. How does He bear +with us! May I at least now seek, for the few days whilst I may stay in +this world, to be more grateful for all His mercies! + +At two o'clock I received a parcel from Frankfort, containing the exact +sum of money of which I had requested the loan. There was no letter to be +found. I was overwhelmed with the Lord's mercy, but very much regretted +that there was no letter. At last, on carefully examining the paper in +which the silver had been packed, I found one, which I have kept, and +which I translate from the German. + +"A peculiar providence has brought me acquainted with the letter which +you have written to Lady B. But you are under a mistake concerning her, +both as it regards her character, and her stay at D., where she never was. +She has been taken for another individual. But that I may lessen in some +measure the difficulties in which you seem to be, I send you the enclosed +small sum, for which you may thank, not the unknown giver, but the Lord, +who turneth the hearts like rivers of water. Hold fast the faith which God +has given you by His Holy Spirit; it is the most precious treasure in this +life, and it contains in itself true happiness. Only seek by watching and +prayer more and more to be delivered from all vanity and self-complacency, +by which even the true believer may be ensnared when he least expects it. +Let it be your chief aim to be more and more humble, faithful, and quiet. +May we not belong to those who say and write continually,' Lord,' 'Lord,' +but who have Him not deeply in their hearts. Christianity consists not in +words, but in power. There must be life in us. For, therefore, God loved +us first that we might love Him in return; and that loving we might +receive power, to be faithful to Him, and to conquer ourselves, the world, +distress, and death. May His Spirit strengthen you for this, that you may +be an able messenger of His Gospel! Amen. + +"AN ADORING WORSHIPPER OF THE + +SAVIOUR, JESUS CHRIST." + +Frankfort-on-the-Maine, January 14th, 1827. + +I saw, in some measure, at the time when I received t letter, how much I +needed such a faithful, and, at the same time, loving word of admonition; +but I have seen it more fully since. Self-complacency, and a want of +quietness and saying and writing more frequently "Lord," "Lord," than +acknowledging Him by my life as such; these were the evils against which +at that time I particularly needed to be cautioned; and up to this day I +am still much, very much, lacking in these points: though the Lord, to His +praise I would say it, has done much for me in these particulars since +that time. + +After having read this letter, my heart was full of joy, shame and +gratitude. Truly it was the goodness of God which brought my heart into +this state, and not the money for that was gone in a few hours after for +the two purposes above referred to. With my heart full of peculiar +feelings, and ashamed of my conduct in the morning, I left the town +towards the evening, to walk alone in a solitary place. And now, being +particularly conscious of my ingratitude to the Lord for all His mercies, +and of my want of steadfastness in His ways, I could not forbear falling +down on my knees behind a hedge, though the snow was a foot deep, anew to +surrender myself wholly to Him, and to pray for strength that I might for +the future live more to His glory, and also to thank Him for His late +mercy. It was a blessed time, I continued about half an hour in prayer. + +After such an experience, it may be difficult for one, who does not know +the plague of his own heart, to think that I was at that time a true +believer, when I tell hint that so base was I, so altogether like a beast +before my God, and unmindful of His mercies to me in Christ, that only a +few weeks after I fell into a wretched backsliding state, in which I +continued for many days, during which time prayer was almost entirely +given up. It was on one of these days that I rang my bell, and ordered the +servant to fetch me wine. And now I began to drink. But how good was the +Lord! Though I desired to drink, that I might be able more easily to go +on in sin, yet He would not allow me to give up myself to the wickedness +of my heart. For whilst in my ungodly days I had drunk once about five +quarts of strong beer in one afternoon, in the way of bravado, and once +also much wine at one time, without remorse of conscience, I could now +take only two or three glasses before the wickedness of my conduct was +brought before me; and my conscience told me that I drank merely for the +sake of drinking, and thus I gave it up. + +It was about this time that I formed the plan of exchanging the +University of Halle for that of Berlin, on account of there being a +greater number of believing professors and students in the latter place. +But the whole plan was formed without prayer, or at least without earnest +prayer. When, however, the morning came on which I had to take decided +steps concerning it, and to apply for the university-testimonials, the +Lord graciously stirred me up, prayerfully to consider the matter; and +finding that I bad no sufficient reason for leaving Halle, I gave up the +plan, and have never had reason to regret having done so. + +In the vacations, Michaelmas, 1826, and Easter, 1827, and at other times, +I visited a Moravian settlement, called Gnadau, which was only about three +miles distant from the place where my father then resided. Through the +instrumentality of the brethren, whom I met there, my spirit was often +refreshed. + +The public means of grace by which I could be benefited were very few. +Though I went regularly to church when I did not preach myself, yet I +scarcely ever heard the truth; for there was no enlightened clergyman in +the town. And when it so happened that I could bear Dr. Tholuck, or any +other godly minister, the prospect of it beforehand, and the looking back +upon it afterwards, served to fill me with joy. Now and then I walked ten +or fifteen miles to enjoy this privilege. May those who enjoy the faithful +ministry of the Word feel exceedingly thankful for it. There are few +blessings on earth greater for a believer; and yet the Lord is frequently +obliged to teach us the value of this blessing by depriving us of it for a +season. + +Another means of grace which I attended, besides the Saturday evening +meetings in brother Wagner's house, was a meeting every Lord's day evening +with the believing students, which consisted of six or more in number, and +increased, before I left Halle, to about 20; and which, after the Easter +vacation of 1827, was held in my room till I left Halle. In these meetings +one, or two, or more of the brethren prayed, and we read the Scriptures, +sang hymns, and sometimes also one or another of the brethren spoke a +little in the way of exhortation, and we read also such writings of godly +men as were calculated for edification. I was often greatly stirred up and +refreshed in these meetings; and twice, being in a backsliding state, and +therefore cold and miserable, I opened my heart to the brethren, and was +brought out of that state through the means of their exhortations and +prayers. "Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together," is a most +important exhortation. Even if we should not derive any especial benefit, +at the time, so far as we are conscious, yet we may be kept from much +harm. And very frequently the beginning of coldness of heart is nourished +by keeping away from the meetings of the saints. I know, when I was cold, +and had no real desire to be brought out of that state, I went a few times +into the villages, where I was sure not to meet with brethren, that I +might not be spoken to about the things of God. Yet so gracious was the +Lord, that my very wretchedness brought me back after a few hours. The +Lord had begun a good work in me; and being faithful, though I was +faithless, He would not give me up, but carried on His gracious work in +me; though it would have progressed much more rapidly, had not my +rebellious heart resisted. As to the other means of grace I would say: I +fell into the snare, into which so many young believers fall, the reading +of religious books in preference to the Scriptures. I could no longer read +French and German novels, as I had formerly done, to feed my carnal mind; +but still I did not put into the room of those books the best of all +books. I read tracts, missionary papers, sermons, and biographies of godly +persons. The last kind of books I found more profitable than others, and +had they been well selected, or had I not read too much of such writings, +or had any of them tended particularly to endear the Scriptures to me, +they might have done me much good.--I never had been at any time in my +life in the habit of reading the Holy Scriptures. When under fifteen years +of age, I occasionally read a little of them at school; afterwards God's +precious book was entirely laid aside, so that I never read one single +chapter of it, as far as I remember, till it pleased God to begin a work +of grace in my heart. Now the scriptural way of reasoning would have been: +God Himself has condescended to become an author, and I am ignorant about +that precious book, which His Holy Spirit has caused to be written through +the instrumentality of His servants, and it contains that which I ought to +know, and the knowledge of which will lead me to true happiness; therefore +I ought to read again and again this most precious book, this book of +books, most earnestly, most prayerfully, and with much meditation; and in +this practice I ought to continue all the days of my life. For I was +aware, though I read it but little, that I knew scarcely anything of it. +But instead of acting thus, and being led by my ignorance of the word of +God to study it more, my difficulty in understanding it, and the little +enjoyment I had in it, made me careless of reading it (for much prayerful +reading of the Word, gives not merely more knowledge, but increases the +delight we have in reading it); and thus, like many believers, I +practically preferred, for the first four years of my divine life, the +works of uninspired men to the oracles of the living God. The consequence +was, that I remained a babe, both in knowledge and grace. In knowledge I +say; for all true knowledge must be derived, by the Spirit, from the Word. +And as I neglected the Word, I was for nearly four years so ignorant, that +I did not clearly know even the fundamental points of our holy faith. And +this lack of knowledge most sadly kept me back from walking steadily in +the ways of God. For it is the truth that makes us free, (John viii. 31, +32,) by delivering us from the slavery of the lusts of the flesh, the +lusts of the eyes, and the pride of life. The Word proves it. The +experience of the saints proves it; and also my own experience most +decidedly proves it. For when it pleased the Lord in Aug. 1829, to bring +me really to the Scriptures, my life and walk became very different. And +though even since that I have very much fallen short of what I might and +ought to be, yet, by the grace of God, I have been enabled to live much +nearer to Him than before. + +If any believers read this, who practically prefer other books to the +Holy Scriptures, and who enjoy the writings of men much more than the word +of God, may they be warned by my loss. I shall consider this book to have +been the means of doing much good, should it please the Lord, through its +instrumentality, to lead some of His people no longer to neglect the Holy +Scriptures, but to give them that preference, which they have hitherto +bestowed on the writings of men. My dislike to increase the number of +books would have been sufficient to deter me from writing these pages, had +I not been convinced, that this is the only way in which the brethren at +large may be benefited through my mistakes and errors, and been influenced +by the hope, that in answer to my prayers, the reading of my experience +may be the means of leading them to value the Scriptures more highly, and +to make them the rule of all their actions. + +Before I leave this subject I would only add: If the reader understands +very little of the word of God, he ought to read it very much; for the +Spirit explains the Word by the Word. And if he enjoys the reading of the +Word little, that is just the reason why he should read it much; for the +frequent reading of the Scriptures creates a delight in them, so that the +more we read them, the more we desire to do so. And if the reader should +be an unbeliever, I would likewise entreat him to read the Scriptures +earnestly, but to ask God previously to give him a blessing. For in doing +so, God may make him wise unto salvation, 2 Tim. iii. 16. + +If any one should ask me, how he may read the Scriptures most profitably, +I would advise him, that + +I. Above all he should seek to have it settled in his own mind, that God +alone, by His Spirit, can teach him, and that therefore, as God will be +inquired of for blessings, it becomes him to seek God's blessing previous +to reading, and also whilst reading. + +II. He should have it, moreover, settled in his mind, that although the +Holy Spirit is the best and sufficient teacher, yet that this teacher does +not always teach immediately when we desire it, and that, therefore, we +may have to entreat Him again and again for the explanation of certain +passages; but that He will surely teach us at last, if indeed we are +seeking for light prayerfully, patiently, and with a view to the glory of +God. + +III. It is of immense importance for the understanding of the word of +God, to read it in course, so that we may read every day a portion of the +Old and a portion of the New Testament, going on where we previously left +off. This is important--1, because it throws light upon the connexion, and +a different course, according to which one habitually selects particular +chapters, will make it utterly impossible ever to understand much of the +Scriptures. 2, Whilst we are in the body, we need a change even in +spiritual things, and this change the Lord has graciously provided in the +great variety which is to be found in His word. 3, It tends to the glory +of God; for the leaving out some chapters here and there, is practically +saying, that certain portions are better than others; or, that there are +certain parts of revealed truth unprofitable or unnecessary. 4, It may +keep us, by the blessing of God, from erroneous views, as in reading thus +regularly through the Scriptures, we are led to see the meaning of the +whole, and also kept from laying too much stress upon certain favourite +views. 5, The Scriptures contain the whole revealed will of God, and +therefore we ought to seek to read from time to time through the whole of +that revealed will. There are many believers, I fear, in our day, who have +not read even once through the whole of the Scriptures; and yet in a few +months, by reading only a few chapters every day, they might accomplish it. + +IV. It is also of the greatest importance to meditate on what we read, so +that perhaps a small portion of that which we have read, or, if we have +time, the whole may be meditated upon in the course of the day. Or a small +portion of a book, or an epistle, or a gospel, through which we go +regularly for meditation, may be considered every day, without, however, +suffering oneself to be brought into bondage by this plan. + +Learned commentaries I have found to store the head with many notions, +and often also with the truth of God; but when the Spirit teaches, through +the instrumentality of prayer and meditation, the heart is affected. The +former kind of knowledge generally puffs up, and is often renounced, when +another commentary gives a different opinion, and often also is found good +for nothing, when it is to be carried out into practice. The latter kind +of knowledge generally humbles, gives joy, leads us nearer to God, and is +not easily reasoned away; and having been obtained from God, and thus +having entered into the heart, and become our own, is also generally +carried out. If the inquirer after truth does not understand the Hebrew +and Greek languages, so as to be able to compare the common translation +with the original, he may, concerning several passages, get light by an +improved rendering, provided he can be sure that the translator was a +truly spiritual person. + +The last and most important means of, grace, namely, prayer, was +comparatively but little improved by me. I prayed, and I prayed often. I +also prayed, in general, by the grace of God, with sincerity; but had I +been more earnestly praying, or even only as much, as I have prayed of +late years, I should have made much more rapid progress. + +In August, 1827, I heard that the Continental Society in England intended +to send a minister to Bucharest, the residence of many nominal German +Christians, to help an aged brother in the work of the Lord; the two other +German Protestant ministers in that place being, the one a Socinian, and +the other an unenlightened orthodox preacher. After consideration and +prayer I offered myself for this work to professor Tholuck, who was +requested to look out for a suitable individual; for with all my weakness +I had a great desire to live wholly for God. Most unexpectedly my father +gave his consent, though Bucharest was above a thousand miles from my +home, and as completely a missionary station as any other. I considered +this a remarkable providence; though I see now, that a servant of Christ +has to act for his Master, whether it be according to the will of his +earthly father or not. I then went home to, spend a short time with my +father. In the town where he lived, containing about 3000 inhabitants, I +could not hear of a single believer, though I made many inquiries. The +time I stayed with my father was more profitably spent than it had +formerly been. I was enabled more than ever before to realize my high +calling. I had by the grace of God power over sin; at least much more than +at any former period of my life. + +I returned to Halle, and now prepared with earnestness for the work of +the Lord. I set before me the sufferings which might await me. I counted +the cost. And he, who once so fully-served Satan, was now willing, +constrained by the love of Christ, rather to suffer affliction for the +sake of Jesus, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season. I also +prayed with, a degree of earnestness concerning my future work. + +One day, at the end of October, the above-mentioned brother, Hermann +Ball, missionary to the Jews, attended the Lord's day evening meeting in +my room, on his way through Halle, and stated that he feared, on account +of his health, his should be obliged to give up labouring among the Jews. +When I heard this, I felt a peculiar desire to fill up his place. About +this very time also I became exceedingly fond of the Hebrew language, +which I had cared about very little up to that time, and which I had +merely studied now and then, from a sense of duty. But now I studied it, +for many weeks, with the greatest eagerness and delight. Whilst I thus +from time to time felt a desire to fill up Brother Ball's place as a +missionary to the Jews, (about which, however, I did not seriously think, +because Dr. Tholuck daily expected a letter from London, finally to settle +the particulars respecting my going to Bucharest); and whilst I thus +greatly delighted in the study of Hebrew: I called in the evening of Nov. +17th on Dr. Tholuck. In the course of conversation he asked me, whether I +had ever had a desire to be a missionary to the Jews, as I might be +connected with the London Missionary Society, for promoting Christianity +among them, for which he was an agent. I was struck with the question, and +told him what had passed in my mind, but added that it was not proper to +think anything about that, as I was going to Bucharest: to which he agreed. + +When I came home, however, these few words were like fire within me. The +next morning I felt all desire for going to Bucharest gone, which appeared +to me very wrong and fleshly, and I therefore entreated the Lord, to +restore to me the former desire for labouring on that missionary station. +He graciously did so almost immediately. My earnestness in studying +Hebrew, and my peculiar love for it, however, continued. About this time I +had an offer of becoming tutor to the sons of a pious Gentleman of title, +which I did not accept on account of my purpose of going to Bucharest, and +if that should come to nothing, on account of my desire of being a +missionary to the Jews. + +About ten days after, Dr. Tholuck received a letter from the Continental +Society, stating, that, on account of the war between the Turks and +Russians, it appeared well to the committee, for the time being to give up +the thought of sending a minister to Bucharest, as it was the seat of war +between the two armies. Dr. Tholuck then asked me again, what I now +thought about being a missionary to the Jews. My reply was, that I could +not then give an answer, but that I would let him know, after I had +prayerfully considered the matter. After prayer and consideration, and +consulting with experienced brethren, in order that they might probe my +heart as to my motives, I came to this conclusion, that, though I could +not say with certainty it was the will of God that I should be a +missionary to the Jews, yet, that I ought to offer myself to the +committee, leaving it with the Lord to do with me afterwards, as it might +seem good in His sight. Accordingly Dr. Tholuck wrote, about the beginning +of December, 1827, to the committee in London. + +At Christmas I spent a few days at Belleben, a village about fifteen +miles from Halle, where I had been once or twice before, both for the sake +of refreshing the few brethren living there, and also of having my own +spirit refreshed by their love. One evening, when I was expounding the +Scriptures to them, an unconverted young man happened to be present, and +it pleased the Lord to touch his heart, so that he was brought to the +knowledge of the truth. + +In the beginning of the year 1828 there was a new workhouse established +at Halle, into which persons of bad character were put for a time, and +made to work. Being disposed to benefit unbelievers, I heartily desired to +have permission statedly to preach the word of truth to them while I +stayed at Halle, particularly as I understood that one of the lecturers of +divinity in the university, who was a Socinian, had applied for this +living. I wrote to the magistrates of the city, and offered to preach to +those criminals gratuitously, hoping that in this way there would be less +objection to my doing so. The reply was, that Dr.--had applied for this +living, and that it had been laid before the provincial government for +consideration, but that they would be glad if I would preach in the +workhouse till the matter was decided. The decision did not come for some +time, and I had thus an opportunity of preaching twice every Lord's day, +and once or twice on the week evenings; and besides this I took the +criminals one by one into a room, to converse with them about their souls. +Thus the Lord condescended to give to one so unworthy, so ignorant, so +weak in grace, and so young in the faith and in years, a most important +field of labour. However, it was well, that even under these circumstances +I should have laboured there; for humanly speaking, had I not been there, +they would have had either no instruction at all, or a Socinian, or an +unenlightened preacher would have preached to them. And besides this, I +had at least some qualification for ministering there; for I knew the +state of those poor sinners, having been myself formerly, in all +probability, a great deal worse than most of them, and my simplicity and +plainness of speech they would not have found in every minister. After +some months the matter was decided, the Socinian lecturer of divinity, Dr. +--, was appointed to the living, and I had to discontinue my labours. + +It was not before March 1828, that Professor Tholuck received an answer +from London respecting me, in which the committee put a number of +questions to me, on the satisfactory answers to which my being received by +them would depend. After replying to this first communication, I waited +daily for an answer, and was so much the more desirous of having it, as my +course in the university was completed. But no answer came. Had my desire, +to serve the Lord among the Jews, been of the flesh, it would in all +likelihood not have continued; but I still thought about it, and continued +to make it a subject of prayer. At last, on June 13th, I received a letter +from London, stating that the committee had determined, to take me as a +missionary student for six months on probation, provided that I would come +to London. + +I had now had the matter before me about seven months, having supposed, +not only that it would have been settled in a few weeks, but also, that, +if I were accepted, I should be sent out immediately, as I had passed the +university. Instead of this, not only seven months passed over before the +decision came, but I was also expected to come to London, and not only so, +but, though I had from my infancy been more or less studying, and now at +last wished actively to be engaged, it was required that I should again +become a student. For a few moments, therefore, I was greatly disappointed +and tried. But, on calmly considering the matter, it appeared to me but +right that the committee should know me personally, and that it was also +well for me to know them more intimately than merely by correspondence, as +this afterwards would make our connexion much more comfortable. I +determined therefore, after I had seen my father, and found no difficulty +on his part, to go to London. + +There was, however, an obstacle in the way of my leaving the country. +Every Prussian male subject is under the necessity of being for three +years a soldier, provided his state of body allows it; but those who have +had a classical education up to a certain degree, and especially those who +have passed the university, need to be only one year in the army, but have +to equip and maintain themselves during that year. Now, as I had been +considered fit for service, when I was examined in my twentieth year, and +had only been put back, at my own request, till my twenty-third year, and +as I was now nearly twenty-three, I could not obtain a passport out of the +country, till I had either served, my time, or had been exempted by the +King himself. The latter I hoped would be the case; for it was a well +known fact that those who had given themselves to missionary service, had +been always exempted. Certain brethren of influence, living in the +capital, to whom I wrote on the subject, advised me, however, to write +first to the president of the government of the province to which I +belonged. This was done, but I was not exempted. Then those brethren wrote +to the King himself; but he replied, that the matter must be referred to +the ministry and to the law, and no exception was made in my favour. + +I now knew not what to do. In the meantime, at the beginning of August, I +was taken ill. It was a common cold at first, but I could not get rid of +it, as formerly. At last a skillful physician was consulted, and powerful +means were used. After some time, he prescribed tonics and wine. For a day +or two I seemed to get better, but after that it appeared, by the return +of giddiness in my head, that the tonics had been too soon resorted to. At +last, having used still other means, I seemed in a fit state for tonics, +and began again to take them. At the same time one of my friends, an +American Professor, took me as a companion with him to Berlin and other +places, so that we rode about the country for about ten days together. As +long as I was day after day in the open air, going from place to place, +drinking wine and taking tonics, I felt well; but as soon as I returned to +Hale, the old symptoms returned. A second time the tonics were given up, +and the former means used. + +About ten weeks had by this time passed away, since I was first taken +ill. This illness, in which a particular care for the body seemed to be so +right, and in which therefore frequent walks were taken, and in which I +thought myself justified in laying aside the study of Hebrew, &c., had not +at all a beneficial effect on my soul. In connexion with this one of my +chief companions at this time, the last-mentioned American Professor, was +a backslider. If the believing reader does not know much of his own heart +and of man's weakness, he will scarcely think it possible that, after I +had been borne with by the Lord so long, and had received so many mercies +at His hands, and had been so fully and freely pardoned through the blood +of Jesus, which I both knew from His word, and had also enjoyed; and after +that I had been in such various ways engaged in the work of the Lord; I +should have been once more guilty of great backsliding, and that at the +very time when the hand of God was lying heavily upon me. Oh! how +desperately wicked is the human heart. + +It was in this cold state of heart, that I rode with my friend to +Leipsic, at the time of the famous Michaelmas fair. He wished me to go +with him to the Opera. I went, but had not the least enjoyment. After the +first act I took a glass of ice for refreshment. After the second act I +was taken faint in consequence of this, my stomach being in a very weak +state; but I was well enough; after a while, to go to the hotel, where I +passed a tolerable night. On the next morning my friend ordered the +carriage for our return to Halle. This circumstance the Lord graciously +used as a means of arousing me; and on our way home, I freely opened my +mind to my friend about the way in which we had been going on; and he then +told me that he was in a different state of heart, when he left America. +He also told me, when I was taken faint, that he thought it was an awful +place to die in. This was the second and last time, since I have believed +in the Lord Jesus, that I was in a theatre; and but once, in the year +1827, I went to a concert, when I likewise felt, that it was unbecoming +for me, as a child of God, to be in such a place. On my return to Halle I +broke a blood-vessel in my stomach, in consequence of the glass of ice. I +was now exceedingly weak, in which state I continued far several weeks, +and then went for change of air into the country, to the house of a +beloved brother in the Lord, who, up to this day, has continued a kind and +faithful friend to me. My heart was now again in a better state than it +had been before the rupture of the blood-vessel, Thus the Lord, in the +faithful love of His heart, seeing that I was in a backsliding state, +chastised me for my profit; and the chastisement yielded, in a measure at +least, the peaceable fruit of righteousness. Heb. xii. 10, 11. + +Whilst I was staying in the country, I received a letter from the +American Professor, who had in the meantime changed Halle for Berlin, and +who wished me to come to Berlin, where, being near the Court, I should be +more likely to obtain an exemption from my military duty; and he +mentioned, at the same time, that all the expenses, connected with my +staying in Berlin, would be fully covered by the remuneration I should +receive for teaching German to himself and two of his friends, for a few +hours every week. As I had no more connexion with the university at Halle, +my course having been finished for more than six months past, and as I had +the prospect of being spiritually benefited through my stay in Berlin, and +there was no probability, if I remained at Halle, of obtaining the +above-mentioned exemption, I came to the conclusion to go to Berlin. + +Two ladies of title traveled with me to Berlin in a hired carriage. As I +knew that we should be for two days together, I thought, in my fleshly +wisdom, that though I ought to speak to them about the things of God, I +should first show them kindness and attention, and that, after having thus +opened a way to their hearts, I might fully set before them their state by +nature, and point them to the Lamb of God. We went on together most +amicably, I making only a few general remarks about divine things. On the +second evening, however, when we were near the end of our journey, I felt +that it was high time to speak. And no sooner had I begun plainly to do +so, than one of them replied, "Oh! Sir, I wish you had spoken sooner about +these things, for we have, for a long time, wished to have some one to +whom we might open our hearts; but seeing that the ministers whom we know +do not live consistently, we have been kept from speaking to them." I now +found that they had been under conviction of sin for some time, but did +not know the way to obtain peace, even by faith in the Lord Jesus. After +this I spoke freely to them during the hour that yet remained. They parted +from me under feelings of gratitude and regret that they could hear no +more, for they only passed through Berlin. I felt myself greatly reproved, +and all I could do was, by a long letter, to seek to make up for my +deficiency in ministering to them on the journey. May this circumstance +never be forgotten by me, and may it prove a blessing to the believing +reader. + +My chief concern now was how I might obtain a passport for England, +through exemption from military duty. But the more certain brethren tried, +though they knew how to set about the matter, and were also persons of +rank, the greater difficulty there appeared to be in obtaining my object; +so that in the middle of January 1829 it seemed as if I must immediately +become a soldier. There was now but one more way untried, and it was at +last resorted to. A believing major, who was on good terms with one of the +chief generals, proposed that I should actually offer myself for entering +the army, and that then I should be examined as to my bodily +qualifications, in the hope, that, as I was still in a very weak state of +body, I should be found unfit for military service. In that case it would +belong to the chief general finally to settle the matter; who, being a +godly man himself, on the major's recommendation would, no doubt, hasten +the decision, on account of my desire to be a missionary to the Jews. At +the same time it stood so, that, if I should be found fit for service, I +should have to enter the army immediately. + +Thus far the Lord had allowed things to go, to show me, it appears, that +all my friends could not procure me a passport till His time was come. But +now it was come. The King of kings had intended that I should go to +England, because He would bless me there, and make me a blessing, though I +was at that time, and am still most unworthy of it; and, therefore, though +the King of Prussia had not been pleased to make an exemption in my +favour, yet now all was made plain, and that at a time when hope had +almost been given up, and when the last means had been resorted to. I was +examined, and was declared to be unfit for military service. With a +medical certificate to this effect, and a letter of recommendation from +the major I went to this chief general, who received me very kindly and +who himself wrote instantaneously to a second military physician, likewise +to examine me at once. This was done, and it was by him confirmed that I +was unfit. Now the chief general himself, as his adjutants happened to be +absent, in order to hasten the matter, wrote with his own hands the papers +which were needed, and I got a complete dismissal, and that for life, from +all military engagements. This was much more than I could have expected. +This military gentleman spoke to me in a very kind way, and pointed out +certain parts of the Scriptures, which he in particular advised me to +bring before the Jews, especially Romans xi. + +On considering why the Lord delayed my obtaining this permission, I find +that one of the reasons may have been, that I might both be profited +myself by my stay in Berlin, and that I also might be instrumental in +benefiting others. As to the first, I would mention, that I learned a +lesson in Berlin which I did not know before. Whilst I was at Halle, I +thought I should much enjoy being among so many christians as there are in +Berlin. But when I was there I found, that enjoyment in the Lord does not +depend upon the multitude of believers, by whom we are surrounded. As to +the second point, perhaps the last day may show, that the Lord had some +work for me in Berlin: for, from the time of my coming until I left, I +preached three, four, or five times every week in the wards of a +poorhouse, which was inhabited by about three hundred aged and infirm +people. I also preached once in a church, and likewise visited one of the +prisons several times on Lord's days to converse with the prisoners about +their souls, where I was locked in by the keeper with the criminals in +their cells. + +On the whole my time in Berlin was not lost; and I was in a better state +of heart than I had been for any length of time before, I was not once +overcome by my former outward besetting sins, though I have nothing to +boast of even as it regards that period; and were only the sins of those +days brought against me, had I not the blood of Jesus to plead, I should +be most miserable. But I think it right to mention, for the glory of God, +as I have so freely spoken about my falls, that whilst I was more than +ever unobserved by others; and whilst I was living in the midst of more +gaiety and temptations than ever; and had far more money than at any +previous time of my life; I was kept from things of which I had been +habitually guilty in my unconverted days!--My health was in a very weak +state, almost the whole time whilst I was staying in Berlin, and was in no +degree better, till, on the advice of, a believing medical professor, I +gave up all medicine. + +Having now without any further difficulty obtained my passport, I left +Berlin on February 3rd, 1829, for London. The Lord gave me more grace on +my way from Berlin than on my way to it; for my mouth was almost +immediately opened to my fellow-travelers, and the message of the Gospel +seemed to be listened to with interest, particularly by one. On February +5th I arrived at my father's house; it was the place where I had lived as +a boy, and the scene of many of my sins, my father having now returned to +it after his retirement from office. I came to it with peculiar feelings. +These feelings were not excited merely by the fact of my having been seven +years absent from it, but arose from the spiritual change I had undergone +since I last saw the place; for I had never been at Heimersleben since my +father fetched me from thence, which was a few days after my imprisonment +at Wolfenbuettel had come to an end. There were but three persons in the +whole town with whom my soul had any fellowship. One of them had spent all +his money in coal mines, and was then earning his daily bread by thrashing +corn. As a boy I had in my heart laughed at him, for he seemed so +different from all other people. Now I sought him out, having previously +been informed that he was a believer, to acknowledge him as such, by +having fellowship with him, and attending, a meeting in his house on the +Lord's day evening. My soul was refreshed, and his also. Such a spiritual +feast, as meeting with a brother, was a rare thing to him. May we +believers who live in Great Britain, and especially those of us who are +surrounded by many children of God, seek for grace, more highly to prize +the blessings which, we enjoy through fellowship with brethren! This dear +brother, who had then been a believer for more than twenty years, had only +a few times heard the gospel preached during all that period. What a +wonderful thing that I, one of the vilest of those brought up in that +small town, should have been so abundantly favoured, as to have been +brought to the knowledge of the truth, whilst none of all my relations, +and scarcely one of those who grew up with me, so far as it has come to my +knowledge, know the Lord! + +I left my father's house on February 10th, with the prospect of seeing +him again in about a twelvemonth, as a missionary among the Jews. But how +has the Lord graciously altered matters!--I was kindly lodged for a +night at Halberstadt by an aged brother, and then proceeded towards +Rotterdam, by the way of Munster. At Munster I rested a few days, and was +very kindly received by several brethren. They were officers in the army, +and two of them had been, but a little while before this, Roman Catholics. +I lodged in the house of a beloved brother, a tailor, who likewise had +been a Roman Catholic. + +About February 22nd I arrived at Rotterdam. I took lodgings in the house +of a believer, where two German brethren lodged, whom I had known at +Halle, and who intended to go out as missionaries in connexion with the +Dutch Missionary Society. It was a peculiar feeling to me, for the first +time in my life to find myself among Christians of another nation, to +attend their family prayer, hear them sing, &c. In spirit I had fellowship +with them, though our communication was but broken, as I understood but +little of the Dutch language. Here also I heard for the first time the +preaching of the Gospel in English, of which I knew enough to understand a +part of what was said.--My going to England by the way of Rotterdam was +not the usual way; but consulting with a brother in Berlin, who had been +twice in England, I was told that this was the cheapest route. My asking +this brother, to be profited by his experience, would have been quite +right, had I, besides this, like Ezra, sought of the Lord the right way. +Ezra viii. 21. But I sought unto men only, and not at all unto the Lord, +in this matter. When I came to Rotterdam, I found that no vessels went at +that time from that port to London, on account of the ice having just +broken up in the river, and that it would be several weeks before the +steamers would again begin to ply. Thus I had to wait nearly a month at +Rotterdam, and, therefore, not only needed much more time than I should +have required to go by way of Hamburgh, but also much more money. + +On March 19th, 1829, I landed in London. I now found myself, in a great +measure, as it regards liberty, brought back to the years when I was at +school; yea, almost all the time I had been at school, and certainly for +the last four years, previous to my coming to England, I was not so much +bound to time and order as I was in this seminary; and had not there been +a degree of grace in me, yea, so much as not to regard the liberty of the +flesh, I should now probably have given up all idea of being a missionary +to the Jews. But as I did not see that anything was expected from me which +I could not conscientiously accede to, I thought it right to submit +myself, for the Lord's sake, to all the regulations of the institution. + + +My brethren in the seminary, most of them Germans, had instruction in +Hebrew, Latin, Greek, French, German, &c., scarcely any of them having had +a classical education; I read only Hebrew, and was exempted from all the +rest. I remember how I longed to be able to expound the Scriptures in +English, when I heard a German brother do so, a few days after my arrival. +And I also remember what joy it gave me, when a few weeks after, for the +first time, I spoke in English to a little boy, whom I met alone in the +fields, about his soul, thinking that he would bear with my broken +English.--I now studied much, about twelve hours a day, chiefly Hebrew; +commenced Chaldee; perfected myself in reading the German-Jewish in +Rabbinic characters, committed portions of the Hebrew Old Testament to +memory, &c.; and this I did with prayer, often falling on my knees, +leaving my books for a little, that I might seek the Lord's blessing, and +also, that I might be kept from that spiritual deadness, which is so +frequently the result of much study. I looked up to the Lord even whilst +turning over the leaves of my Hebrew dictionary, asking His help, that I +might quickly find the words. I made comparatively little progress in +English; for living with some of my countrymen, I was continually led to +converse in German. + +My experience in this particular leads me to remark, that, should this +fall into the hands of any who are desirous to labour as missionaries +among a people whose language is not their own, they should seek not +merely to live among them, for the sake of soon learning their language, +but also, as much as possible, to be separated from those who speak their +own language; for, when, some months after, I was in Devonshire, +completely separated from those who spoke German, I daily made much +progress, whilst I made comparatively little in London. + +Soon after my arrival in England, I heard one of the brethren in the +seminary speak about a Mr. Groves, a dentist in Exeter, who, for the +Lord's sake, had given up his profession, which brought him in about +fifteen hundred pounds a year, and who intended to go as a missionary to +Persia, with his wife and children, simply trusting in the Lord for +temporal supplies. This made such an impression on me, and delighted me +so, that I not only marked it down in my journal, but also wrote about it +to my German friends. + +I came to England weak in body, and in consequence of much study, as I +suppose, I was taken ill on May 15, and was soon, at least in my own +estimation, apparently, beyond recovery. The weaker I became in body, the +happier I was in spirit. Never in my whole life had I seen myself so vile, +so guilty, so altogether what I ought not to have been, as at this time. +It was as if every sin, of which I had been guilty, was brought to my +remembrance; but, at the same time, I could realize that all my sins were +completely forgiven that I was washed and made clean, completely clean, in +the blood of Jesus. The result of this was, great peace. I longed +exceedingly to depart and to be with Christ. When my medical attendant +came to see me, my prayer was something like this: "Lord, Thou knowest +that he does not know what is for my real welfare, therefore do Thou +direct him." When I took my medicine, my hearty prayer each time was +something like this: "Lord, Thou knowest that this medicine is in itself +nothing, no more than as if I were to take a little water. Now please, 0 +Lord, to let it produce the effect which is for my real welfare, and for +Thy glory. Let me either be taken soon to Thyself or let me be soon +restored; let me be ill for a longer time, and then taken to Thyself, or +let me be ill for a longer time, and then restored. 0 Lord, do with me as +seemeth Thee best!" One sin in particular was brought to my mind, which I +never had seen before, viz., that whilst all my life, even in former +sicknesses, I had been blessed with uninterrupted refreshing sleep, which +now, for some nights, had almost entirely fled from my eyes, I had never +heartily thanked God for it. + +After I had been ill about a fortnight, my medical attendant unexpectedly +pronounced me better. This, instead of giving me joy, bowed me down, so +great was my desire to be with the Lord; though almost immediately +afterwards grace was given me to submit myself to the will of God. After +some days I was able to leave my room. Whilst recovering I still continued +in a spiritual state of heart, desiring to depart and to be with Christ. +As I recovered but slowly, my friends entreated me to go into the country +for change of air; but my heart was in such a happy and spiritual frame, +that I did not like the thought of traveling and seeing places. So far was +I changed, who once had been so passionately fond of traveling. But as my +friends continued to advise me to go into the country, I thought at last +that it might be the will of God that I should do so, and I prayed +therefore thus to the Lord: "Lord, I will gladly submit myself to Thy +will, and go if Thou wilt have me to go. And now let me know Thy will by +the answer of my medical attendant. If, in reply to my question, he says +it would be very good for me, I will go; but if he says it is of no great +importance, then I will stay." When I asked him, he said that it was the +best thing I could do. I was then enabled willingly to submit, and +accordingly went to Teignmouth. It was there that I became acquainted with +my beloved brother, friend, and fellow-labourer, Henry Craik. + +A few days after my arrival at Teignmouth, the chapel, called Ebenezer, +was reopened, and I attended the opening. I was much impressed by one of +those who preached on the occasion. For though I did not like all he said, +yet I saw a gravity and solemnity in him different from the rest. After he +had preached, I had a great desire to know more of him; and being invited +by two brethren of Exmouth, in whose house he was staying, to spend some +time with them, I had an opportunity of living ten days with him under the +same roof. Through the instrumentality of this brother the Lord bestowed a +great blessing upon me, for which I shall have cause to thank Him +throughout eternity. + +I will mention some points which God then began to show me. + +1. That the word of God alone is our standard of judgment in spiritual +things; that it can be explained only by the Holy Spirit; and that in our +day, as well as in former times, He is the teacher of His people. The +office of the Holy Spirit I had not experimentally understood before that +time. Indeed, of the office of each of the blessed persons, in what is +commonly called the Trinity, I had no experimental apprehension. I had not +before seen from the Scriptures that the Father chose us before the +foundation of the world; that in Him that wonderful plan of our redemption +originated, and that He also appointed all the means by which it was to be +brought about. Further, that the Son, to save us, had fulfilled the law, +to satisfy its demands, and with it also the holiness of God; that He had +borne the punishment due to our sins, and had thus satisfied the justice +of God. And further, that the Holy Spirit alone can teach us about our +state by nature, show us the need of a Saviour, enable us to believe in +Christ, explain to us the Scriptures, help us in preaching, &c. It was my +beginning to understand this latter point in particular, which had a great +effect on me; for the Lord enabled me to put it to the test of experience, +by laying aside commentaries, and almost every other book, and simply +reading the word of God and studying it. The result of this was, that the +first evening that I shut myself into my room, to give myself to prayer +and meditation over the Scriptures, I learned more in a few hours than I +had done during a period of several months previously. But the particular +difference was, that I received real strength for my soul in doing so. I +now began to try by the test of the Scriptures the things which I had +learned and seen, and found that only those principles, which stood the +test, were really of value. + +2. Before this period I had been much opposed to the doctrines of +election, particular redemption, and final persevering grace; so much so +that, a few days after my arrival at Teignmouth, I called election a +devilish doctrine. I did not believe that I had brought myself to the +Lord, for that was too manifestly false; but yet I held, that I might have +resisted finally. And further, I knew nothing about the choice of God's +people, and did not believe that the child of God, when once made so, was +safe for ever. In my fleshly mind I had repeatedly said, If once I could +prove that I am a child of God for ever, I might go back into the world +for a year or two, and then return to the Lord, and at last be saved. But +now I was brought to examine these precious truths by the word of God. +Being made willing to have no glory of my own in the conversion of +sinners, but to consider myself merely as an instrument; and being made +willing to receive what the Scriptures said; I went to the Word, reading +the New Testament from the beginning, with a particular reference to these +truths. To my great astonishment I found that the passages which speak +decidedly for election and persevering grace, were about four times as +many as those which speak apparently against these truths; and even those +few, shortly after, when I had examined and understood them, served to +confirm me in the above doctrines. As to the effect which my belief in +these doctrines had on me, I am constrained to state, for God's glory, +that though I am still exceedingly weak, and by no means so dead to the +lusts of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, as I +might and as I ought to be, yet, by the grace of God, I have walked more +closely with Him since that period. My life has not been so variable, and +I may say that I have lived much more for God than before. And for this +have I been strengthened by the Lord, in a great measure, through the +instrumentality of these truths. For in the time of temptation, I have +been repeatedly led to say: Should I thus sin? I should only bring misery +into my soul for a time, and dishonour God; for, being a son of God for +ever, I should have to be brought back again, though it might be in the +way of severe chastisement. Thus, I say, the electing love of God in +Christ (when I have been able to realize it) has often been the means of +producing holiness, instead of leading me into sin. It is only the +notional apprehension of such truths, the want of having them in the +heart, whilst they are in the head, which is dangerous. + +3. Another truth, into which, in a measure, I was led during my stay in +Devonshire, respected the Lord's coming. My views concerning this point, +up to that time, had been completely vague and unscriptural. I had +believed what others told me, without trying it by the Word. I thought +that things were getting better and better, and that soon the whole world +would be converted. But now I found in the Word, that we have not the +least Scriptural warrant to look for the conversion of the world before +the return of our Lord. I found in the Scriptures, that that which will +usher in the glory of the church, and uninterrupted joy to the saints, is +the return of the Lord Jesus, and that, till then, things will be more or +less in confusion. I found in the Word, that the return of Jesus, and not +death, was the hope of the apostolic Christians; and that it became me, +therefore, to look for His appearing. And this truth entered so into my +heart, that, though I went into Devonshire exceedingly weak, scarcely +expecting that I should return again to London, yet I was immediately, on +seeing the truth, brought off from looking for death, and was made to look +for the return of the Lord. Having seen this truth, the Lord also +graciously enabled me to apply it, in some measure at least, to my own +heart, and to put the solemn question to myself--What may I do for the +Lord, before He returns, as He may soon come? + +4. In addition to these truths, it pleased the Lord to lead me to see a +higher standard of devotedness than I had seen before. He led me, in a +measure, to see what is my true glory in this world, even to be despised, +and to be poor and mean with Christ. I saw then, in a measure, though I +have seen it more fully since, that it ill becomes the servant to seek to +be rich, and great, and honoured in that world, where his Lord was poor, +and mean, and despised. + +I do not mean to say that all that which I believe at present concerning +these truths, and those which, in connexion with them, the Lord has shown +me since August 1829, were apprehended all at once; and much less did I +see them all at once with the same clearness, as, by the grace of God, I +do now; yet my stay in Devonshire was a most profitable time to my soul. +My prayer had been, before I left London, that the Lord would be pleased +to bless my journey to the benefit of my body and soul. This prayer was +answered in both respects; for in the beginning of September I returned to +London much better in body; and, as to my soul, the change was so great, +that it was like a second conversion. + +After my return to London, I sought to benefit my brethren in the +seminary, and the means which I used were these. I proposed to them to +meet together every morning from six to eight for prayer and reading the +Scriptures, and that then each of us should give out what he might +consider the Lord had shown him to be the meaning of the portion read. One +brother in particular was brought into the same state as myself; and +others, I trust, were more or less benefited. Several times, when I went +to my room after family prayer in the evening, I found communion with God +so sweet, that I continued in prayer till after twelve, and then, being +full of joy, went into the room of the brother just referred to; and, +finding him also in a similar frame of heart, we continued praying until +one or two and even then I was a few times so full, of joy, that I could +scarcely sleep, and at six in the morning again called the brethren +together for prayer. + +All this moreover did not leave me idle, as it regards actual engagements +in the Lord's work, as I will now show. After I had been for about ten +days in London, and had been confined to the house on account of my +studies, my health began again to decline; and I saw that it would not be +well, my poor body being only like a wreck or brand brought out of the +devil's service, to spend my little remaining strength in study, but that +I now ought to set about actual engagements in the Lord's work, +particularly as He had now given me more light about His truth, and also a +heart to serve Him. I consequently wrote to the committee of the Society, +requesting them to send me out at once, as they had now had an opportunity +of knowing me; and, that they might do so with more confidence, to send me +as a fellow-labourer to an experienced brother. However I received no +answer. + +After having waited about five or six weeks, in the meantime seeking in +one way or other to labour for the Lord, it struck me that I was wrong and +acting unscripturally, in waiting for the appointment to missionary work +from my fellow-men; but that, considering myself called by the Lord to +preach the gospel, I ought to begin at once to labour among the Jews in +London, whether I had the title of missionary or not. In consequence of +this I distributed tracts among the Jews, with my name and residence +written on them, thus inviting them to conversation about the things of +God; preached to them in those places where they most numerously collect +together; read the Scriptures regularly with about fifty Jewish boys; and +became a teacher in a Sunday school. In this work I had much enjoyment and +the honour of being reproached and ill-treated for the name of Jesus. But +the Lord gave me grace, never to be kept from the work by any danger, or +the prospect of any suffering. + +My light increased more and more during the months of September, October, +and November. At the end of November it became a point of solemn +consideration with me, whether I could remain connected with the Society +in the usual way. My chief objections were these: 1. If I were sent out by +the Society, it was more than probable, yea, almost needful, if I were to +leave England, that I should labour on the Continent, as I was unfit to be +sent to eastern countries on account of my health, which would probably +have suffered, both on account of the climate, and of my having to learn +other languages. Now, if I did go to the Continent, it was evident, that +without ordination I could not have any extensive field of usefulness, as +unordained ministers are generally prevented from labouring freely there; +but I could not conscientiously submit to be ordained by unconverted men, +professing to have power to set me apart for the ministry, or to +communicate something to me for this work which they do not possess +themselves. Besides this, I had other objections to being connected with +any state church or national religious establishment, which arose from the +increased light which I had obtained through the reception of this truth, +that the word of God is our only standard, and the Holy Spirit our only +teacher. For as I now began to compare what I knew of the establishment in +England and those on the Continent, with this only true standard, the word +of God, I found that all establishments, even because they are +establishments, i.e. the world and the church mixed up together, not only +contain in them the principles which necessarily must lead to departure +from the word of God; but also, as long as they remain establishments, +entirely preclude the acting throughout according to the Holy +Scriptures.--Then again, if I were to stay in England, the Society +would not allow me to preach in any place indiscriminately, where the +Lord might open a door for me; and to the ordination of English bishops +I had still greater objections, than to the ordination of a Prussian +Consistory. 2. I further had a conscientious objection against being +led and directed by men in my missionary labours. As a servant of Christ +it appeared to me, I ought to be guided by the Spirit, and not by men, +as to time and place; and this I would say, with all deference to others, +who may be much more taught and much more spiritually minded than myself. +A servant of Christ has but one Master. 3. I had love for the Jews, and +I had been enabled to give proofs of it; yet I could not conscientiously +say, as the committee would expect from me, that I would spend the greater +part of my time only among them. For the scriptural plan seemed to me, +that, in coming to a place, I should seek out the Jews, and commence my +labour particularly among them; but that, if they rejected the gospel, I +should go to the nominal Christians--The more I weighed these points, the +more it appeared to me that I should be acting hypocritically, were I to +suffer them to remain in my mind, without making them +known to the committee. + +The question that next occurred to me was, how I ought to act if not sent +out by the Society. With my views I could not return to Prussia; for I +must either refrain from preaching, or imprisonment would be the result. +The only plan that presented itself to me was, that I should go from place +to place throughout England, as the Lord might direct me, and give me +opportunity, preaching wherever I went, both among Jews and nominal +Christians. To this mode of service I was especially stirred up through +the recently received truth of the Lord's second coming, having it +impressed upon my heart to seek to warn sinners, and to stir up the +saints; as He might soon come. At the same time it appeared to me well, +that I should do this in connexion with the Society for promoting +Christianity among the Jews, serving them without any salary, provided +they would accept me on these conditions. An objection which came to my +mind against taking any step which might lead to the dissolution of my +connexion with the Society, namely, that I had been some expense to it, +and that thus I should appear ungrateful, and the money would seem to have +been thrown away, was easily removed in this way: + +1. When I engaged with the Society, I did it according to the light I +then had. 2. I have but one Master; His is the money, and to Him I have to +give an account. 3. Though I have nothing to boast of, but much reason to +be ashamed before God on account of my lack of service; yet, speaking +after the manner of men, in some measure I did work, not only in the +Lord's service, but even in that particular line for which the money had +been put into the hands of the committee. + +There remained now only one point more to be settled: + +How I should do for the future as it regarded the supply of my temporal +wants, which naturally would have been a great obstacle, especially as I +was not merely a foreigner, but spoke so little English, that whilst I was +greatly assisted in expounding the Scriptures, it was with difficulty I +could converse about common things. On this point, however, I had no +anxiety; for I considered, that, as long as I really sought to serve the +Lord, that is, as long as I sought the kingdom of God and His +righteousness, these my temporal supplies would be added to me. The Lord +most mercifully enabled me to take the promises of His word, and rest upon +them, and such as Matthew vii. 7, 8, John xiv. 13, 14, Matthew vi. 25-34, +were the stay of my soul concerning this point. In addition to this, the +example of brother Groves, the dentist before alluded to, who gave up his +profession, and went out as a missionary, was a great encouragement to me. +For the news, which by this time had arrived, of how the Lord had aided +him on his way to Petersburg, and at Petersburg, strengthened my faith. + +At last, on December 12, 1829, I came to the conclusion to dissolve my +connexion with the Society, if they would not accept my services under the +above conditions, and to go throughout the country preaching, (being +particularly constrained to do so from a desire to serve the Lord as much +as in me lay, BEFORE HIS RETURN), and to trust in Him for the supply of my +temporal wants. Yet at the same time it appeared well to me to wait a +month longer, and to consider the matter still further, before I wrote to +the committee, that I might be sure I had weighed it fully. + +On December 24th I went to the Church Missionary Institution at +Islington, in the hope of benefiting the students there, if it were the +Lord's will. I returned very happy, as I almost invariably was at that +time, and went to bed full of joy. Next morning, (being that of Christmas +day), I awoke in a very different state of heart from what I had +experienced for many weeks past. I had no enjoyment, and felt cold and +lifeless in prayer. At our usual morning meeting, however, one of the +brethren exhorted me to continue to pray, saying that the Lord surely +would again smile on me, though now for a season, for wise purposes, He +seemed to have withdrawn Himself. I did so. At the Lord's table, in the +morning, a measure of enjoyment returned. Afterwards I dined in a family, +in company with the brother just referred to. My former enjoyment +gradually returned. Towards evening the Lord gave me an opportunity of +speaking about His return, and I had great enjoyment in doing so. At eight +o'clock I was asked to expound at family prayer, and was much assisted by +the Lord. About half an hour after the exposition was over, I was +requested to come out of the room to see one of the servants, and the +mother of another of the servants, who had been present at family prayer. +I found them in tears, and both deeply impressed and under concern about +their souls. I then went home, at least as happy as on the previous +evening. I have related this circumstance, because I am aware that it is a +common temptation of Satan to make us give up the reading of the Word and +prayer when our enjoyment is gone; as if it were of no use to read the +Scriptures when we do not enjoy them, and as if it were of no use to pray +when we have no spirit of prayer; whilst the truth is, in order to enjoy +the Word, we ought to continue to read it, and the way to obtain a spirit +of prayer, is, to continue praying; for the less we read the word of God, +the less we desire to read it, and the less we pray, the less we desire to +pray. + +About the beginning of the next year my fellow students had a fortnight's +vacation, and as with them I had conformed myself to the order of the +Institution, I felt that I might also partake of their privileges; not +indeed to please the flesh, but to serve the Lord. On December 30th, I +therefore left London for Exmouth, where I intended to spend my vacation +in the house of my Christian friends, who had kindly lodged me the summer +before, that I might preach there during this fortnight, and still more +fully weigh the matter respecting my proposal to time Society. I arrived +at Exmouth on December 31st, at six in the evening, an hour before the +commencement of a prayer-meeting at Ebenezer Chapel. My heart was burning +with a desire to tell of the Lord's goodness to my soul, and to speak +forth what I considered might not be known to most with whom I met. Being, +however, not called on, either to speak or pray, I was silent. The next +morning I spoke on the difference between being a Christian and a happy +Christian, and showed, whence it generally comes, that we rejoice so +little in the Lord. This my first testimony was blessed to many believers, +that God, as it appears, might show me that He was with me. Among others +it proved a blessing to a Christian female, who had been for ten years in +bondage, and who, in the providence of God, had been brought from Exeter +to be present that morning. This she told me many months after, when I met +her on a journey. + +At the request of several believers I spoke again in the afternoon, and +also proposed a meeting in the chapel every morning at ten, to expound the +epistle to the Romans. I had also most days a meeting in a room with +several ladies, for reading the Scriptures with them. This I did that I +might make the best of my fortnight. The second day after my arrival, a +brother said to me: "I have been praying for this month past that the Lord +would do something for Lympstone, a large parish where there is little +spiritual light. There is a Wesleyan chapel, and I doubt not you would be +allowed to preach there." Being ready to speak of Jesus wherever the Lord +might open a door, yet so, that I could be faithful to the truths which he +had been pleased to teach me, I went, and easily obtained liberty to +preach twice on the next day, being the Lord's day. Besides this I +preached in another village near Exmouth; so that I spoke once, twice, or +three times in public or private meetings every day for the first ten or +twelve days, and that with great enjoyment to my own soul. + +During the first days of January, 1830, whilst at Exmouth, it became more +and more clear to me, that I could not be connected with the Society under +the usual conditions; and as I had an abundance of work where I was, and +little money to spend in traveling (for all I possessed was about five +pounds), it appeared best to me to write at once to the committee, that, +whilst they were coming to a decision respecting me, I might continue to +preach. I therefore wrote to them, stating what had been my views before I +became acquainted with them, and what they were now. I also stated my +difficulty in remaining, connected with them on the usual terms, as stated +in substance above; and then concluded, that as, however, I owed them +much, as having been instrumental in bringing me to England, where the +Lord had blessed me so abundantly: and as I, also, should like to obtain +from them the Hebrew Scriptures and tracts for the Jews: I would gladly +serve them without any salary, if they would allow me to labour in regard +to time and place as the Lord might direct me. Some time after I received +a very kind private letter from one of the secretaries, who always had +been very kind to me, together with the following official communication +from the committee. + +"London Society for promoting Christianity amongst the Jews." + +At a Meeting of the Missionary Sub-Committee, held January 27, 1830, +Society House, 10, Wardrobe Place, Doctors' Commons, a Letter was read +from Mr. G. F. Mueller. + +"Resolved, That Mr. Mueller be informed, that while the committee +cordially rejoice in any real progress in knowledge and grace which he may +have made under the teaching of the Holy Spirit, they, nevertheless, +consider it inexpedient for any society to employ those who are unwilling +to submit themselves to their guidance with respect to missionary +operations; and that while, therefore, Mr. Mueller holds his present +opinions on that point, the committee cannot consider him as a missionary +student; but should more mature reflection cause him to alter that +opinion, they will readily enter into further communication with him." + +Thus my connexion with the Society was entirely dissolved. Fifty-two +years have passed away since, and I never have, even for one single +moment, regretted the step I took, but have to be sorry that I have been +so little grateful for the Lord's goodness to me in that matter. The +following part of the Narrative also will prove to the enlightened reader, +how God blessed my acting out the light He had been pleased to give me. +But I cannot leave this subject, without adding, that it is far from my +intention to throw any blame upon the Society. I have no wish to do so: +nay, I confess, were the last-mentioned circumstances not so intimately +connected with my being in England, I would rather have left out the +matter altogether. But being under the necessity of saying something about +my connexion with it, it appeared best to me to relate the circumstances +just as they were. Yet I do testify that I have not done it in the least +for the sake of injuring the Society; for I have received much kindness +from some of those connected with it, particularly from two worthy men, +then taking a prominent part in managing its affairs. If I be judged +differently, I can only say, "Judge nothing before the time, until the +Lord come." + +After I had preached about three weeks at Exmouth and its neighbourhood, +I went to Teignmouth, with the intention of staying there ten days, to +preach the Word among the brethren with whom I had become acquainted +during the previous summer, and thus to tell them of the Lord's goodness +to me. One of the brethren said almost immediately on my arrival at +Teignmouth, I wish you would become our minister, as the present one is +going to leave us. My answer was, I do not intend to be stationary in any +place, but to go through the country, preaching the Word as the Lord may +direct me. In the evening, Monday, I preached for brother Craik, at +Shaldon, in the presence of three ministers, none of whom liked the +sermon; yet it pleased God, through it, to bring to the knowledge of His +dear Son, a young woman who had been servant to one of these ministers, +and who had heard her master preach many times. How differently does the +Lord judge from man! Here was a particular opportunity for the Lord to get +glory to Himself. A foreigner was the preacher, with great natural +obstacles in the way, for he was not able to speak English with fluency; +but he had a desire to serve God, and was by this time also brought into +such a state of heart as to desire that God alone should have the glory, +if any good were done through his instrumentality. How often has it struck +me, both at that time and since, that His strength was made perfect in my +weakness. + +On Tuesday evening I preached at Ebenezer Chapel, Teignmouth, the same +chapel at the opening of which I became acquainted with the brother, whom +the Lord had afterwards used as an instrument of benefiting me so much. My +preaching was also disliked there by many of the hearers; but the Lord +opened the hearts of a few to receive the truth, and another young woman +was brought to the Lord through the instrumentality of the word then +preached. On Wednesday I preached again in the same chapel, and the word +was disliked still, perhaps more, though the few, who received the truth +in the love of it, increased in number. On Thursday I preached again at +Shaldon, and on Friday at Teignmouth. The effect was the same; dislike on +the one side, and joy and delight in the truth on the other. By this time +I began to reflect about the cause of this opposition; for the same +brethren who had treated me with much kindness the summer previous, when I +was less spiritually minded, and understood much less of the truth, now +seemed to oppose me, and I could not explain it in any other way than +this, that the Lord intended to work through my instrumentality at +Teignmouth, and that therefore Satan, fearing this, sought to raise +opposition against me. + +On the Lord's day I dined with a brother, whose heart the Lord +had opened to receive me as a servant of Christ. After dinner I +talked to a young woman, his servant, at the request of her sister, who on +the Tuesday previous had been convinced of sin, and on the Friday brought +to enjoy peace in the Lord. This young woman also was, through the +instrumentality of this conversation, brought to see her sinful state, +though she could not rejoice in the Lord until about seven months after. +How differently the Lord dealt with her sister, and yet the work of grace +was as real in the one as in the other, as I had full opportunity of +seeing afterwards! On this same Lord's day I preached twice at Teignmouth, +and once at Shaldon; for so precious did every opportunity seem to me, and +so powerfully did I feel the importance of those precious truths, which I +had so recently been led to see, that I longed to be instrumental in +communicating them to others. + +By this time the request, that I might stay at Teignmouth, and be the +minister of the above chapel, had been repeatedly expressed by an +increasing number of the brethren; but others were decidedly against my +remaining there. This opposition was instrumental in settling it in my +mind that I should stay for awhile, at least until I was formally +rejected. In consequence of this conclusion I took the following step, +which, it may be, I should not repeat under similar circumstances, but +which was certainly taken in love to those who were concerned in the +matter, and for the glory of God, as far as I then had light. + +On the Tuesday following, after preaching, I told the brethren how, in +the providence of God, I had been brought to them without the least +intention of staying among them, but that, on finding them without a +minister, I had been led to see it to be the will of God to remain with +them. I also told them, as far as I remember, that I was aware of the +opposition of some, but that I nevertheless intended to preach to them +till they rejected me; and if they should say, I might preach, but they +would give me no salary, that would make no difference on my part, as I +did not preach for the sake of money; but I told them, at the same time, +that it was an honour, to be allowed to supply the temporal wants of any +of the servants of Christ. The latter point I added, as it seemed right to +me, to give out the whole counsel of God, as far as I knew it. On the next +day, Wednesday, I left, and having preached in two or three places near +Exmouth, and taken leave of my friends there, I returned to Teignmouth. + +Here I preached again three times on the Lord's day, none saying we wish +you not to preach, though many of the hearers did not hear with enjoyment. +Some of them left, and never returned; some left, but returned after +awhile. Others came to the chapel, who had not been in the habit of +attending there previous to my coming. There was sufficient proof that the +work of God was going on, for there were those who were glad to hear what +I preached, overlooking the infirmities of the foreigner, delighting in +the food for their souls, without caring much about the form in which the +truth was set before them; and these were not less spiritual than the +rest: and there were those who objected decidedly; some, however, +manifesting merely the weakness of brethren, and others the bitterness of +the opposers of the cross. There was, in addition to this, a great stir, a +spirit of inquiry, and a searching of the Scriptures, whether these things +were so. And what is more than all, God set His seal upon the work, in +converting sinners. Twelve weeks I stood in this same position, whilst the +Lord graciously supplied my temporal wants, through two brethren, unasked +for. After this time, the whole little church, eighteen in number, +unanimously gave me an invitation to become their pastor. My answer to +them was, that their invitation did not show me more than I had seen +before, that it was the will of God that I should remain with them, yet +that for their sakes I could not but rejoice in this invitation, as it was +a proof to me that God had blessed them through my instrumentality, in +making them thus of one mind. I also expressly stated to the brethren, +that I should only stay so long with them, as I saw it clearly to be the +will of the Lord; for I had not given up my intention of going from place +to place, if the Lord would allow me to do so. The brethren, at the same +time, now offered to supply my temporal wants, by giving me L55. a year, +which sum was afterwards somewhat increased, on account of the increase of +the church. + +I now had Teignmouth for my residence, but I did not confine my labours +to this place; for I preached regularly once a week in Exeter, once a +fortnight at Topsham, sometimes at Shaldon, often at Exmouth, sometimes in +the above-mentioned villages near Exmouth, regularly once a week at +Bishopsteignton, where a part of the church lived, and afterwards +repeatedly at Chudleigh, Collumpton, Newton Bushel, and elsewhere. + +That which I now considered the best mode of preparation for the public +ministry of the Word, no longer adopted from necessity, on account of want +of time, but from deep conviction, and from the experience of God's +blessing upon it, both as it regards my own enjoyment, the benefit of the +saints, and the conversion of sinners, is as follows:--1. I do not presume +to know myself what is best for the hearers, and I therefore ask the Lord +in the first place, that He would graciously be pleased to teach me on +what subject I shall speak, or what portion of His word I shall expound. +Now sometimes it happens, that previous to my asking Him, a subject or +passage has been in my mind, on which it has appeared well for me to +speak. In that case I ask the Lord, whether I should speak on this subject +or passage. If, after prayer, I feel persuaded that I should I fix upon +it, yet so, that I would desire to leave myself open to the Lord to change +it, if He please. Frequently, however, it occurs, that I have no text or +subject in my mind, before I give myself to prayer for the sake of +ascertaining the Lord's will concerning it. In this case I wait some time +on my knees for an answer, trying to listen to the voice of the Spirit to +direct me. If then a passage or subject, whilst I am on my knees, or after +I have finished praying for a text, is brought to my mind, I again ask the +Lord, and that sometimes repeatedly, especially if, humanly speaking, the +subject or text should be a peculiar one, whether it be His will that I +should speak on such a subject or passage. If after prayer my mind is +peaceful about it, I take this to be the text, but still desire to leave +myself open to the Lord for direction, should He please to alter it, or +should I have been mistaken. Frequently also, in the third place, it +happens, that I not only have no text nor subject on my mind previous to +my praying for guidance in this matter, but also I do not obtain one after +once, or twice, or more times praying about it. I used formerly at times +to be much perplexed, when this was the case, but for more than forty-five +years it has pleased the Lord, in general at least, to keep me in peace +about it. What I do is, to go on with my regular reading of the +Scriptures, where I left off the last time, praying (whilst I read) for a +text, now and then also laying aside my bible for prayer, till I get one. +Thus it has happened, that I have had to read five, ten; yea twenty +chapters, before it has pleased the Lord to give me a text: yea, many +times I have even had to go to the place of meeting without one, and +obtained it perhaps only a few minutes before I was going to speak; but I +have never lacked the Lord's assistance at the time of preaching, provided +I had earnestly sought it in private. The preacher cannot know the +particular state of the various individuals who compose the congregation, +nor what they require, but the Lord knows it; and if the preacher +renounces his own wisdom, he will be assisted by the Lord; but if he will +choose in his own wisdom, then let him not be surprised if he should see +little benefit result from his labours. + +Before I leave this part of the subject, I would just observe one +temptation concerning the choice of a text. We may see a subject to be so +very full, that it may strike us it would do for some other occasion. For +instance, sometimes a text, brought to one's mind for a week-evening +meeting, may appear more suitable for the Lord's day, because then there +would be a greater number of hearers present. Now, in the first place, we +do not know whether the Lord ever will allow us to preach on another +Lord's day; and, in the second place, we know not whether that very +subject may not be especially suitable for some or many individuals +present just that week-evening. Thus I was once tempted, after I had been +a short time at Teignmouth, to reserve a subject, which had been just +opened to me, for the next Lord's day. But being able, by the grace of +God, to overcome the temptation by the above reasons, and preaching about +it at once, it pleased the Lord to bless it to the conversion of a sinner, +and that too an individual who meant to come but that once more to the +chapel, and to whose case the subject was most remarkably suited. + +2. Now when the text has been obtained in the above way, whether it be +one or two or more verses, or a whole chapter or more, I ask the Lord that +He would graciously be pleased to teach me by His Holy Spirit, whilst +meditating over it. Within the last fifty years, I have found it the most +profitable plan to meditate with my pen in my hand, writing down the +outlines, as the Word is opened to me. This I do, not for the sake of +committing them to memory, nor as if I meant to say nothing else, but for +the sake of clearness, as being a help to see how far I understand the +passage. I also find it useful afterwards to refer to what I have thus +written. I very seldom use any other help besides the little I understand +of the original of the Scriptures, and some good translations in other +languages. My chief help is prayer. I have NEVER in my life begun to study +one single part of divine truth, without gaining some light about it, when +I have been able really to give myself to prayer and meditation over it. +But that I have often found a difficult matter, partly on account of the +weakness of the flesh, and partly also on account of bodily infirmities +and multiplicity of engagements. This I most firmly believe, that no one +ought to expect to see much good resulting from his labours in word and +doctrine, if he is not much given to prayer and meditation. + +3. Having prayed and meditated on the subject or text, I desire to leave +myself entirely in the hands of the Lord. I ask Him to bring to my mind +what I have seen in my room, concerning the subject I am going to speak +on, which He generally most kindly does, and often teaches me much +additionally, whilst I am preaching. + +In connection with the above, I must, however, state, that it appears to +me there is a preparation for the public ministry of the Word, which is +even more excellent than the one spoken of. It is this: to live in such +constant and real communion with the Lord, and to be so habitually and +frequently in meditation over the truth, that without the above effort, so +to speak, we have obtained food for others, and know the mind of the Lord +as to the subject or the portion of the Word on which we should speak. But +this I have only in a small measure experienced, though I desire to be +brought into such a state, that habitually "out of my belly may flow +rivers of living water." + +That which I have found most beneficial in my experience for the last +fifty-one years in the public ministry of the Word, is, expounding the +Scriptures, and especially the going now and then through a whole gospel +or epistle. This may be done in a two-fold way, either by entering +minutely into the bearing of every point occurring in the portion, or by +giving the general outlines, and thus leading the hearers to see the +meaning and connexion of the whole. The benefits which I have seen +resulting from expounding the Scriptures are these: 1. The hearers are +thus, with God's blessing, led to the Scriptures. They find, as it were, a +practical use of them in the public meetings. This induces them to bring +their bibles, and I have observed that those who at first did not bring +them, have afterwards been induced to do so: so that in a short time few, +of the believers at least, were in the habit of coming without them. This +is no small matter; for every thing, which in our day will lead believers +to value the Scriptures, is of importance. 2. The expounding of the +Scriptures is in general more beneficial to the hearers than if, on a +single verse, or half a verse, or two or three words of a verse some +remarks are made, so that the portion of Scripture is scarcely anything +but a motto for the subject; for few have grace to meditate much over the +Word, and thus exposition may not merely be the means of opening up to +them the Scriptures, but may also create in them a desire to meditate for +themselves. 3. The expounding of the Scriptures leaves to the hearers a +connecting link, so that the reading over again the portion of the Word, +which has been expounded, brings to their remembrance what has been said; +and thus, with God's blessing, leaves a more lasting impression on their +minds. This is particularly of importance as it regards the illiterate, +who sometimes have neither much strength of memory nor capacity of +comprehension. 4. The expounding of large portions of the Word, as the +whole of a gospel or an epistle, besides leading the hearer to see the +connexion of the whole, has also this particular benefit for the teacher, +that it leads him, with God's blessing, to the consideration of portions +of the Word, which otherwise he might not have considered, and keeps him +from speaking too much on favourite subjects, and leaning too much to +particular parts of truth, which tendency must surely sooner or later +injure both himself and his hearers.--Expounding the word of God brings +little honour to the preacher from the unenlightened or careless hearer, +but it tends much to the benefit of the hearers in general. + +Simplicity in expression, whilst the truth is set forth, is, in connexion +with what has been said, of the utmost importance. It should be the aim of +the teacher to speak so, that children, servants, and people who cannot +read, may be able to understand him, so far as the natural mind can +comprehend the things of God. It ought also to be remembered, that there +is, perhaps, not a single congregation in which there are not persons of +the above classes present, and that if they can understand, the +well-educated or literary persons will understand likewise; but the +reverse does not hold good. It ought further to be remembered that the +expounder of the truth of God speaks for God, for eternity, and that it +is not in the least likely that he will benefit the hearers, except he +uses plainness of speech, which nevertheless needs not to be vulgar or +rude. It should also be considered, that if the preacher strive to speak +according to the rules of this world, he may please many, Particularly +those who have a literary taste; but, in the same proportion, he is +less likely to become an instrument in the hands of God for the conversion +of sinners, or for the building up of the saints. For neither eloquence +nor depth of thought make the truly great preacher, but such a life of +prayer and meditation and spirituality, as may render him a vessel meet +for the Master's use, and fit to be employed both in the conversion of +sinners and in the edification of the saints. + +About the beginning of April I went to preach at Sidmouth. While I was +staying there, three sisters in the Lord had, in my presence, a +conversation about baptism, one of whom had been baptized after she had +believed. When they had conversed a little on the subject, I was asked to +give my opinion concerning it. My reply was, "I do not think, that I need +to be baptized again." I was then asked by the sister who bad been +baptized, "But have you been baptized?" I answered, "Yes, when I was a +child." She then replied, "Have you ever read the Scriptures, and prayed +with reference to this subject?" I answered, "No." "Then," she said, "I +entreat you, never to speak any more about it till you have done so." It +pleased the Lord to show me the importance of this remark; for whilst at +that very time I was exhorting every one to receive nothing which could +not be proved by the word of God, I had repeatedly spoken against +believers' baptism, without having ever earnestly examined the Scriptures, +or prayed concerning it; and now I determined, if God would help me, to +examine that subject also, and if infant baptism were found to be +scriptural, I would earnestly defend it; and if believers' baptism were +right, I would as strenuously defend that, and be baptized. + +As soon as I had time, I set about examining the subject. The mode I +adopted was as follows: I repeatedly asked God to teach me concerning it, +and I read the New Testament from the beginning, with a particular +reference to this point. But now, when I earnestly set about the matter, a +number of objections presented themselves to my mind. + +1. Since many holy and enlightened men have been divided in opinion +concerning this point, does this not prove, that it is not to be expected +we should come to a satisfactory conclusion about this question in the +present imperfect state of the church?--This question was thus removed: If +this ordinance is revealed in the Bible, why may I not know it, as the +Holy Spirit is the teacher in the church of Christ now as well as +formerly? 2. There have been but few of my friends baptized, and the +greater part of them are opposed to believers' baptism, and they will turn +their backs on me. Answer: Though all men should forsake me, if the Lord +Jesus takes me up, I shall be happy. 3. You will be sure to lose one half +of your income if you are baptized. Answer: As long as I desire to be +faithful to the Lord, He will not suffer me to want. 4. People will call +you a baptist, and you will be reckoned among that body, and you cannot +approve of all that is going on among them. Answer: It does not follow +that I must in all points go along with all those who hold believers' +baptism, although I should be baptized. 5. You have been preaching for +some years, and you will have thus publicly to confess, that you have been +in an error, should you be led to see that believers' baptism is right. +Answer: It is much better to confess that I have been in error concerning +that point than to continue in it. 6. Even if believers' baptism should be +right, yet it is now too late to attend to it, as you ought to have been +baptized immediately on believing. Answer: It is better to fulfill a +commandment of the Lord Jesus ever so late, than to continue in the +neglect of it. + +It had pleased God, in his abundant mercy, to bring my mind into such a +state, that I was willing to carry out into my life whatever I should find +in the Scriptures concerning this ordinance, either the one way or the +other. I could say, "I will do His will," and it was on that account, I +believe, that I soon saw which "doctrine is of God," whether infant +baptism or believers' baptism. And I would observe here, by the way, that +the passage to which I have just now alluded, John vii. 17, has been a +most remarkable comment to me on many doctrines and precepts of our most +holy faith. For instance: "Resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee +on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue +thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And +whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him +that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou +away. Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that +hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute +you." Matthew v. 39-44. "Sell that ye have, and give alms." Luke xii. 33. +"Owe no man any thing, but to love one another." Rom. xiii. 8. It may be +said, surely these passages cannot be taken literally, for how then would +the people of God be able to pass through the world. The state of mind +enjoined in John vii. 17, will cause such objections to vanish. Whosoever +is WILLING To ACT OUT these commandments of the Lord LITERALLY, will, I +believe, be led with me to see that, to take them LITERALLY, is the will +of God.--Those who do so take them will doubtless often be brought into +difficulties, hard to the flesh to bear, but these will have a tendency to +make them constantly feel that they are strangers and pilgrims here, that +this world is not their home, and thus to throw them more upon God, who +will assuredly help us through any difficulty into which we may be brought +by seeking to act in obedience to His word. + +As soon as I was brought into this state of heart, I saw from the +Scriptures that believers ONLY are the proper subjects for baptism, and +that immersion is the only true Scriptural mode, in which it ought to be +attended to. The passage which particularly convinced me of the former, is +Acts viii. 36-38, and of the latter, Rom. vi. 3-5. Some time after, I was +baptized. I had much peace in doing so, and never have I for one single +moment regretted it.--Before I leave this point, I would just say a few +words concerning the result of this matter, so far as it regards some of +the objections which occurred to my mind when I was about to examine the +Scriptures concerning baptism. + +1. Concerning the first objection, my conviction now is, that of all +revealed truths not on is more clearly revealed in the Scriptures, not +even the doctrine of justification by faith, and that the subject has only +become obscured by men not having been willing to take the Scriptures +alone to decide the point. + +2. Not one of my true friends in the Lord has turned his back on me, as I +supposed, and almost all of them have been themselves baptized since. + +3. Though in one way I lost money in consequence of being baptized, yet +the Lord did not suffer me to be really a loser, even as it regards +temporal things; for He made up the loss most bountifully. In conclusion, +my example has been the means of leading many to examine the question of +baptism, and to submit, from conviction, to this ordinance and seeing this +truth I have been led to speak on it as well as on other truths; and +during the forty-five years that I have now resided in Bristol, more than +three thousand believers have been baptized among us. + +In June of this year (1830) I went to preach at the opening of a chapel +in a village near Barnstaple, built by that blessed man of God, Thomas +Pugsley, now with the Lord. It pleased God to bring two souls to Himself +through this my visit, and one more was converted on another visit. So +graciously did the Lord condescend to use me, that almost everywhere He +blessed the Word which I preached, thereby testifying that He had sent me, +and thereby also getting glory to Himself in using such an instrument. It +was so usual for me to preach with particular assistance, especially +during the first months of this year, that once, when it was otherwise, it +was much noticed by myself and others. The circumstance was this. One day, +before preaching at Teignmouth, I had more time than usual, and therefore +prayed and meditated about six hours, in preparation for the evening +meeting, and I thought I saw many precious truths in the passage on which +I had meditated. It was the first part of the first chapter of the epistle +to the Ephesians. After I had spoken a little time, I felt that I spoke in +my own strength, and I, being a foreigner, felt particularly the want of +words, which had not been the case before. I told the brethren, that I +felt I was left to myself, and asked their prayers. But after having +continued a little longer, and feeling the same as before, I closed, and +proposed that we should have a meeting for prayer, that the Lord still +might be pleased to help me. We did so, and I was particularly assisted +the next time. + +During this summer also it appeared to me scriptural, according to the +example of the Apostles, Acts xx. 7, to break bread every Lord's day, +though there is no commandment given to do so, either by the Lord, or by +the Holy Ghost through the Apostles. And at the same time it appeared to +me scriptural, according to Eph. iv., Rom. xii., &c., that there should be +given room for the Holy Ghost to work through any of the brethren whom He +pleased to use; that thus one member might benefit the other with the gift +which the Lord has bestowed upon him. Accordingly at certain meetings any +of the brethren had an opportunity to exhort or teach the rest, if they +considered that they had any thing to say which might be beneficial to the +hearers.--I observe here, that, as the Lord gave me grace to endeavour at +once to carry out the light which He had been pleased to give me on this +point, and as the truth was but in part apprehended, there was much +infirmity mixed with the manner of carrying it out. Nor was it until +several years after that the Lord was pleased to teach me about this point +more perfectly. That the disciples of Jesus should meet together, on the +first day of the week, for the breaking of bread, and that that should be +their principal meeting, and that those, whether one or several, who are +truly gifted by the Holy Spirit for service, be it for exhortation, or +teaching, or rule, &c., are responsible to the Lord for the exercise of +their gifts: these are to me no matters of uncertainty, but points on +which my soul, by grace, is established, through the revealed will of God. + +On October 7th, 1830, I was united by marriage to Miss Mary Groves, +sister of the brother whose name has already been mentioned. This step was +taken after prayer and deliberation, from a full conviction that it was +better for me to be married: and I have never regretted since, either the +step itself or the choice, but desire to be truly grateful to God for +having given me such a wife. + +About this time I began to have conscientious objections against any +longer receiving a stated salary. My reasons against it were these:-- + +1. The salary was made up by pew-rents; but pew-rents are, according to +James ii. 1-6, against the mind of the Lord, as, in general, the poor +brother cannot have so good a seat as the rich. (All pew-rents were +therefore given up, and all the seats made free, which was stated at the +entrance of the chapel). 2. A brother may gladly do something towards my +support if left to his own time; but when the quarter is up, he has +perhaps other expenses, and I do not know, whether he pays his money +grudgingly, and of necessity, or cheerfully; but God loveth a cheerful +giver. Nay, I knew it to be a fact, that sometimes it had not been +convenient to individuals to pay the money, when it had been asked for by +the brethren who collected it. 3. Though the Lord had been pleased to give +me grace to be faithful, so that I had been enabled not to keep back the +truth, when He had shown it to me; still I felt that the pew-rents were a +snare to the servant of Christ. It was a temptation to me, at least for a +few minutes, at the time when the Lord had stirred me up to pray and +search the Word respecting the ordinance of baptism, because L30. of my +salary was at stake, if I should be baptized. + +For these reasons I stated to the brethren, at the end of October, 1830, +that I should for the future give up having any regular salary. After I +had given my reasons for doing so, I read Philippians iv., and told the +saints, that if they still had a desire to do something towards my +support, by voluntary gifts, I had no objection to receive them, though +ever so small, either in money or provisions. A few days after it appeared +to me, that there was a better way still; for if I received personally +every single gift, offered in money, both my own time and that of the +donors would be much taken up; and in this way also the poor might, +through temptation, be kept from offering their pence, a privilege of +which they ought not to be deprived; and some also might in this way give +more than if it were not known who was the giver; so that it would still +be doubtful whether the gifts were given grudgingly or cheerfully. For +these reasons especially, there was a box put up in the chapel, over which +was written, that whoever had a desire to do something towards my support, +might put his offering into the box. + +At the same time it appeared to me right, that henceforth I should ask no +man, not even my beloved brethren and sisters, to help me, as I had done a +few times according to their own request, as my expenses, on account of +traveling much in the Lord's service, were too great to be met by my usual +income. For unconsciously I had thus again been led, in some measure, to +trust in an arm of flesh; going to man, instead of going to the Lord at +once. To come to this conclusion before God, required more grace than to +give up my salary. + +About the same time also my wife and I had grace given to us to take the +Lord's commandment, "Sell that ye have, and give alms," Luke xii. 33, +literally, and to carry it out. Our staff and support in this matter were +Matthew vi. 19-34, John xiv. 13, 14. We leaned on the arm of the Lord +Jesus. It is now fifty-one years, since we set out in this way, and we do +not in the least regret the step we then took. Our God also has, in His +tender mercy, given us grace to abide in the same mind concerning the +above points, both as it regards principle and practice; and this has been +the means of letting us see the tender love and care of our God over His +children, even in the most minute things, in a way in which we never +experimentally knew them before; and it has, in particular, made the Lord +known to us more fully than we knew Him before, as a prayer hearing God. +As I have written down how the Lord has been pleased to deal with us +since, I shall be able to relate some facts concerning this matter, as far +as they may tend to edification. + +Extracts from my Journal. + +Nov. 18th, 1830.--Our money was reduced to about eight shillings. When I +was praying with my wife in the morning, the Lord brought to my mind the +state of our purse, and I was led to ask Him for some money. About four +hours after, we were with a sister at Bishopsteignton, and she said to +me, "Do you want any money?" "I told the brethren," said I, "dear sister, +when I gave up my salary, that I would for the future tell the Lord only +about my wants." She replied, "But He has told me to give you some money. +About a fortnight ago I asked Him, what I should do for Him, and He told +me to give you some money; and last Saturday it came again powerfully to +my mind, and has not left me since, and I felt it so forcibly last night, +that I could not help speaking of it to Brother P." My heart rejoiced, +seeing the Lord's faithfulness, but I thought it better not to tell her +about our circumstances, lest she should be influenced to give +accordingly; and I also was assured, that, if it were of the Lord, she +could not but give. I therefore turned the conversation to other subjects, +but when I left she gave me two guineas. We were full of joy on account of +the goodness of the Lord.--I would call upon the reader to admire the +gentleness of the Lord, that He did not try our faith much at the +commencement, but gave us first encouragement, and allowed us to see His +willingness to help us, before He was pleased to try it more fully. + +The next Wednesday I went to Exmouth, our money having then again been +reduced to about nine shillings. I asked the Lord on Thursday, when at +Exmouth, to be pleased to give me some money. On Friday morning, about +eight o'clock, whilst in prayer, I was particularly led to ask again for +money; and before I rose from my knees I had the fullest assurance, that +we should have the answer that very day. About nine o'clock I left the +brother with whom I was staying, and he gave me half a sovereign, saying, +"Take this for the expenses connected with your coming to us." I did not +expect to have my expenses paid, but I saw the Lord's fatherly hand in +sending me this money within one hour after my asking Him for some. But +even then I was so fully assured that the Lord would send more that very +day, or had done so already, that, when I came home about twelve o'clock, +I asked my wife whether she had received any letters. She told me she had +received one the day before from a brother in Exeter, with three +sovereigns. Thus even my prayer on the preceding day had been answered. +The next day one of the brethren came and brought me L4., which was due to +me of my former salary, but which I could never have expected, as I did +not even know that this sum was due to me. Thus I received, within thirty +hours, in answer to prayer, L7. 10s. + +In the commencement of December I went to Collumpton, where I preached +several times, and likewise in a neighbouring village. In driving home +from the village late at night, our driver lost his way. As soon as we +found out our mistake, being then near a house, it struck me that the hand +of God was in this matter; and having awakened the people of the house, I +offered a man something if he would be kind enough to bring us into the +right road. I now walked with the man before the gig, and conversed with +him about the things of God, and soon found out that he was an awful +backslider. May God, in mercy, bless the word spoken to him, and may we +learn from this circumstance, that we have to ask on such occasions, why +the Lord has allowed such and such things to happen to us.--Since the +publication of the first edition, one day, about eight years after this +circumstance had happened, the individual who drove me that night +introduced himself to me as a believer, and told me that on that evening +he received his first impressions under the preaching of the Word. The +missing of the right road may have been connected with his state of mind. +May I and my fellow-labourers in the Gospel be encouraged by this, +patiently to continue to sow the seed, though only after eight years or +more we should see the fruit of it. I only add, that up to that time, the +individual had been a very dissipated young man, who caused his believing +parents very much grief. Their love led them to convey me and my wife to +this village and back again, and truly the Lord gave them a reward in +doing so. + +Between Christmas and the new year, when our money was reduced to a few +shillings, I asked the Lord for more; when a few hours after there was +given to us a sovereign by a brother from Axminster. This brother had +heard much against me, and was at last determined to hear for himself, and +thus came to Teignmouth, a distance of forty miles; and having heard about +our manner of living, gave us this money. + +With this closes the year 1830. Throughout it the Lord richly supplied +all my temporal wants, though at the commencement of it I had no certain +human prospect for one single shilling; so that, even as it regards +temporal things, I had not been in the smallest degree a loser in acting +according to the dictates of my conscience; and, as it regards spiritual +things, the Lord had indeed dealt bountifully with me, and led me on in +many respects, and, moreover, had condescended to use me as an instrument +in doing His work. + +On January 6th, 7th, and 8th, 1831, I had repeatedly asked the Lord for +money, but received none. On the evening of January 8th I left my room for +a few minutes, and was then tempted to distrust the Lord, though He had +been so gracious to us, in that He not only up to that day had supplied +all our wants, but had given us also those answers of prayer, which have +been in part just mentioned. I was so sinful, for about five minutes, as +to think it would be of no use to trust in the Lord in this way. I also +began to say to myself, that I had perhaps gone too far in living in this +way. But, thanks to the Lord! this trial lasted but a few minutes. He +enabled me again to trust in Him, and Satan was immediately confounded; +for when I returned to my room (out of which I had not been absent ten +minutes), the Lord had sent deliverance. A sister in the Lord, who resided +at Exeter, had come to Teignmouth, and brought us L2. 4s.; so the Lord +triumphed, and our faith was strengthened. + +Jan. 10. Today, when we had again but a few shillings, L5. was given to +us, which had been taken out of the box. I had, once for all, told the +brethren, who had the care of these temporal things, to have the kindness +to let me have the money every week; but as these beloved brethren either +forgot to take it out weekly, or were ashamed to bring it in such small +sums, it was generally taken out every three, four, or five weeks. As I +had stated to them, however, from the commencement, that I desired to look +neither to man nor the box, but to the living God, I thought it not right +on my part, to remind them of my request to have the money weekly, lest it +should hinder the testimony which I wished to give, of trusting in the +living God alone. It was on this account that on January 28th, when we had +again but little money, though I had seen the brethren on January the 24th +open the box and take out the money, I would not ask the brother, in whose +hands it was, to let me have it; but, standing in need of it, as our coals +were almost gone, I asked the Lord to incline his heart to bring it, and +but a little time afterwards it was given to us, even L1. 8s. 6d. + +I would here mention, that since the time I began living in this way, I +have been kept from speaking, either directly or indirectly, about my +wants, at the time I was in need. But whilst I have refrained, and do +still habitually refrain, from speaking to my fellow creatures about my +wants at the time, I desire to speak well of the Lord's goodness, after He +has delivered me; not only in order that He thus may get glory, but also +that the children of God may be encouraged to trust in Him. + +On February 14th we had again very little money, and, whilst praying, I +was led to ask the Lord, graciously to supply our wants; and the instant +that I rose from my knees, a brother gave me L1., which had been taken +out of the box. + +On March 7th I was again tempted to disbelieve the faithfulness of the +Lord, and though I was not miserable, still I was not so fully resting +upon the Lord, that I could triumph with joy. It was but one hour after, +when the Lord gave me another proof of His faithful love. A Christian lady +at Teignmouth had been from home for some time, and on her return she +brought from the sisters in the Lord, with whom she had been staying, five +sovereigns for us, with these words written in the paper;--"I was an +hungered, and ye gave me meat; I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink. Lord, +when saw we Thee an hungered, and fed Thee? or thirsty, and gave Thee +drink? The King shall answer and say unto them, "Verily, verily, I say +unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my +brethren, ye have done it unto me." + +On March 16th I went to Axminster, and preached in several places in that +neighbourhood, besides holding a meeting at Axminster. Whilst staying +there I was requested to preach at Chard; but as I had never been away +from Teignmouth on the Lord's day, I had to pray much, before I came to +the conclusion to comply with the request. At last I had the fullest +assurance that I ought to preach at Chard. I have since heard that the +Lord used me in edifying the brethren, and through a general exhortation +to all, to read the Scriptures with earnestness, a woman was stirred up to +do so, and this was the means of her conversion. As to myself, I had a +most refreshing season. I mention this circumstance to show how important +it is to ascertain the will of God, before we undertake any thing, because +we are then not only blessed in our own souls, but also the work of our +hands will prosper.--One of the brethren at Chard forced a sovereign upon +me, against the acceptance of which I strove much, lest it should appear +as if I had preached for money. Another would give me a paper with money. +I refused it for the same reason. At last he put it by force into my +pocket, and ran away. The paper contained 11s. 6d. + +April 16th. This morning I found that our money was reduced to 3s., and I +said to myself, I must now go and ask the Lord earnestly for fresh +supplies. But before I had prayed, there was sent from Exeter L2, as a +proof that the Lord hears before we call. + +I would observe here, by the way, that if any of the children of God +should think that such a mode of living leads away from the Lord, and from +caring about spiritual things, and has the effect of causing the mind to +be taken up with the question, What shall I eat? What shall I drink?--and +Wherewithal shall I be clothed? and that on that account it would be much +better to have a stated salary, particularly for one who labours in the +word and doctrine, in order that he may be above these cares; I say, +should any believer think so, I would request him, prayerfully to consider +the following remarks:--1. I have had experience of both ways, and know +that my present mode of living, as to temporal things, is connected with +less care. 2. Confidence in the Lord, to whom alone I look for the supply +of my temporal wants, keeps me, at least whilst faith is in exercise, when +a case of distress comes before me, or when the Lord's work calls for my +pecuniary aid, from anxious reckoning like this: Will my salary last out? +Shall I have enough myself the next month? &c. In this my freedom, I am, +by the grace of God, generally at least, able to say to myself something +like this:--My Lord is not limited; He can again supply; He knows that +this present case has been sent to me; and thus, this way of living, so +far from leading to anxiety, as it regards possible future want, is rather +the means of keeping from it. And truly it was once said to me by an +individual,--You can do such and such things, and need not to lay by, for +the church in the whole of Devonshire cares about your wants. My reply +was: The Lord can use not merely any of the saints throughout Devonshire, +but those throughout the world, as instruments to supply my temporal +wants. 3. This way of living has often been the means of reviving the work +of grace in my heart, when I have been getting cold; and it also has been +the means of bringing me back again to the Lord, after I have been +backsliding. For it will not do,--it is not possible, to live in sin, and, +at the same time, by communion with God, to draw down from heaven every +thing one needs for the life that now is. 4. Frequently, too, a fresh +answer to prayer, obtained in this way, has been the means of quickening +my soul, and filling me with much joy. + +About April 20th I went to Chumleigh. Here and in the neighbourhood I +preached repeatedly, and from thence I went to Barnstaple. Whilst we were +at Barnstaple, there was found in my wife's bag a sovereign, put there +anonymously. A sister also gave us L2. On our return to Teignmouth, May 2, +when we emptied our travelling bag, there fell out a paper with money. It +contained two sovereigns and threepence, the latter put in, no doubt, to +make a noise in emptying the bag. May the Lord bless and reward the giver! +In a similar way we found 4s. put anonymously into one of our drawers, a +few days after. + +June 6. Having prayed much on the previous days, that, when we wanted +money, the Lord would be pleased to send some, today, after I had again +asked for it, a poor sister brought half a sovereign, 5s. from herself, +and 5s. from another very poor sister. This is not only a fresh proof that +the Lord hears prayer, but also that He sends by whom He will. Our money +had been reduced to 8s. + +June 12. Lord's day. On Thursday last I went with brother Craik to +Torquay, to preach there. I had only about 3s. with me and left my wife +with about 6s. at home. The Lord provided beds for us through the +hospitality of a brother. I asked the Lord repeatedly for money; but when +I came home my wife had only about 3s. left, having received nothing. We +waited still upon the Lord. Yesterday passed away, and no money came. We +had 9d. left. This morning we were still waiting upon the Lord, and +looking for deliverance. We had only a little butter left for breakfast, +sufficient for brother E. and a relative living with us, to whom we did +not mention our circumstances, that they might not be made uncomfortable. +After the morning meeting, brother Y. most unexpectedly opened the box, +and, in giving me quite as unexpectedly the money at such a time, he told +me that he and his wife could not sleep last night on account of thinking +that we might want money. The most striking point is, that, after I had +repeatedly asked the Lord, but received nothing, I then prayed yesterday, +that the Lord would be pleased to impress it on brother Y. that we wanted +money, so that he might open the box. There was in it L1. 8s. 10 1/2d. Our +joy on account of this fresh deliverance was great, and we praised the +Lord heartily. + +June 18. Brother Craik called on us today, and he then had only 1 1/2d. +left. A few minutes after, he received: a sum of money, and in returning +to us on his way home, he gave us 10s., when we had but 3s. left. + +July 20. A shoulder of mutton and a loaf were sent to us anonymously.--I +understood some time afterwards, that Satan had raised the false report +that we were starving, in consequence of which a believer sent these +provisions. I would mention by the way, that various reports have been +circulated, on account of this our way of living. Sometimes it has been +said that we had not enough to eat, and that surely such and such an +infirmity of body we had brought on us, because we had not the necessaries +of life. Now, the truth is, that, whilst we have been often brought low; +yea, so low, that we have not had even as much as one single penny left; +or so as to have the last bread on the table, and not as much money as was +needed to buy another loaf;--yet never have we had to sit down to a meal, +without our good Lord having provided nourishing food for us. I am bound +to state this, and I do it with pleasure. My Master has been a kind Master +to me, and if I had to choose this day again, as to the way of living, the +Lord giving me grace, I would not choose differently. But even these very +reports, false as they were, I doubt not the Lord has sometimes used as a +means, to put it into the hearts of His children, to remember our temporal +necessities. + +About July 25th I preached several times at Collumpton, and in a +neighbouring village, in the open air. My experience as it regards +preaching in the open air has been very different from what I might have +expected. I have often preached out of doors, and but once has it been +blessed, as far as I know, and that was in the case of an officer in the +army, who came to make sport of it; whilst almost in every place, if not +in every place, where I have preached in rooms or chapels, the Lord has +given testimony to the Word. Perhaps the Lord has not been pleased to let +me see fruit from this part of my work, though I have been many times +engaged in it; or it may be, that, because I did not pray so earnestly +respecting my out-door preaching as respecting my in-door preaching, the +former has not been so much blessed as the latter. But this testimony I +cannot but bear, that, though I do not consider it at present my work, on +account of want of bodily strength, yet it is a most important work, and I +should delight in being so honoured now, as to be allowed to be engaged in +it. + +August 9. After extreme suffering, which lasted about seventeen hours, my +wife was this day delivered of a still-born child.--Who of my readers +would suppose, that whilst I was so abundantly blessed by God, and that in +so many respects, my heart should have been again many times during +several months previous to this day, cold, wretched, carnal? How +long-suffering is the Lord! Repeatedly, during this time, I +could let hours run on, after I had risen in the morning, before +I prayed; at least, before I retired for prayer. And at that +time when I appeared most zealous for God, perhaps more +so than at any time before or since, I was often far from +being in a spiritual state. I was not now, indeed, indulging in gross +outward sins, which could be noticed by my brethren; but often--very +often, the eye of my kind loving Father must have looked on me with much +grief. On this account, I have no doubt, the Lord now, in great +compassion, sent this heavy blow. I had not seriously thought of the great +danger connected with childbearing, and therefore had never earnestly +prayed about it. Now came this solemn time. The life of my dear wife was +hanging, as it were, on a thread, and, in the midst of it, my conscience +told me, that my state of heart made such a chastisement needful. Yet, at +the same time, I was much supported.--When the child was still-born, I saw +almost immediately afterwards, that this could not have been expected +otherwise, for I had not looked on the prospect of having a child as on a +blessing, which I was about to receive from God, but rather considered it +as a burden and a hindrance in the Lord's work; for I did not know then, +that, whilst a wife and children may be in certain respects, on the one +hand, a hindrance to the servant of Christ, they also may fit him, on the +other hand, for certain parts of his work, in teaching him things which +are important to be known, especially for the pastoral work. The Lord now +brought, in addition to this, very great sufferings upon my beloved wife, +which lasted for six weeks, combined with a partial lameness of the left +side.--Immediately after the eventful time of August 8th and 9th, the Lord +brought me, in His tender mercy, again into a spiritual state of heart, so +that I was enabled to look on this chastisement as a great blessing. May +this my experience be a warning to believing readers, that the Lord may +not need to chastise them, on account of their state of heart! May it also +be a fresh proof to them, that the Lord, in His very love and +faithfulness, will not, and cannot let us go on in backsliding, but that +He will visit us with stripes, to bring us back to Himself! + +There was one point, however, in which, by grace, I had continued to be +faithful to God, i.e. in my mode of living, and, therefore, in as far as I +had been faithfully sowing, I now reaped abundantly; for the Lord most +graciously supplied, in rich abundance, all our temporal wants, though +they were many. Another reason for this may have been, that the Lord never +lays more on us, in the way of chastisement, than our state of heart makes +needful; so that whilst He smites with the one hand, He supports with the +other.--We saw it to be against the Lord's mind to put by any money for my +wife's confinement, though we might have, humanly speaking, very easily +saved L20. or L30. during the six months previous to August 7th. I say, +humanly speaking, and judging from what we had received during all these +months, we might have laid by as much as the above sums; but I have every +reason to believe, that, had I begun to lay up, the Lord would have +stopped the supplies, and thus, the ability of doing so was only apparent. +Let no one profess to trust in God, and yet lay up for future wants, +otherwise the Lord will first send him to the hoard he has amassed, before +He can answer the prayer for more. We were persuaded, that, if we laid out +our money in the Lord's service, He would send more when we needed it; and +this our faith, His own gift, He graciously honoured, inasmuch as He not +merely gave us what we needed, but much more. + +On August 6th, just before this time of need, the Lord sent us L5. from a +distance of about forty miles, and that from a sister, whom, up to this +day, neither of us know personally. On August 7th I received L1. 0s. 9 +1/2d. out of the box. August 15th, from a distance of twenty-five miles +was sent L5., and from a distance of about seventy miles L1. August 18th, +whilst preaching at Chudleigh, L1. was sent to me, and a brother sent from +Exeter L2. August 21st was again sent from a distance of seventy miles +L5., and August 23rd another L5. from the same place. Also, August 22nd, +16s. 9d. was given out of the box. August 24th, a brother, who is a day +labourer, gave me 2s. 6d. August 31st, 5s. was given to me. September 3rd, +whilst preaching at Chudleigh, L3. 10s. was given to me by a brother and +three sisters. September 4th, a sister gave me a guinea, and also out of +the box was given 9s. 8d. September 10th, L6. was given to me. Thus, +within about one month, the Lord not only sent us nearly L40., but +likewise all sorts of suitable provisions and refreshments, needful at +such a time; and, in addition to this, the two medical gentlemen who +attended my wife would not take any remuneration for their unwearied +attention and kindness, during the space of six weeks. Thus the Lord gave +us even more than we could have saved, if we had endeavoured to do so. + +November 16th. This morning I proposed united prayer respecting our +temporal wants. Just as we were about to pray, a parcel came from Exmouth. +In prayer we asked the Lord for meat for dinner, having no money to buy +any. After prayer, on opening the parcel, we found, among other things, a +ham, sent by a brother at Exmouth, which served us for dinner. Thus not +only our own family was provided for, but also a sister in the Lord then +staying with us. + +November 17th. Today we had not a single penny left. We had asked the +Lord yesterday and today. We desired only enough money to be able to buy +bread. We were reduced more than ever we had been before. But our gracious +and faithful Lord, who never lays more upon His children than He enables +them to bear, delivered us again this time, by sending us L1. 10s. 6d., +about an hour before we wanted money to buy bread. + +November 19th. We had not enough to pay our weekly rent; but the Lord +graciously sent us again today 14s. 6d. I would just observe, that we +never contract debts, which we believe to be unscriptural (according to +Romans xiii. 8;) and therefore we have no bills with our tailor, +shoemaker, grocer, butcher, baker, &c.; but all we buy we pay for in ready +money. The Lord helping us, we would rather suffer privation, than +contract debts. Thus we always know how much we have, and how much we have +a right to give away. May I entreat the believing reader, prayerfully to +consider this matter; for I am well aware that many trials come upon the +children of God, on account of not acting according to Rom. xiii. 8. + +November 27th, Lord's day. Our money had been reduced to 2 1/2d.; our +bread was hardly enough for this day. I had several times brought our need +before the Lord. After dinner, when I returned thanks, I asked Him to give +us our daily bread, meaning literally that He would send us bread for the +evening. Whilst I was praying, there was a knock at the door of the room. +After I had concluded, a poor sister came in, and brought us some of her +dinner, and from another poor sister, 5s. In the afternoon she also +brought us a large loaf. Thus the Lord not only literally gave us bread, +but also money. + +In reading about all these answers to prayer, the believing reader may be +led to think that I am spiritually minded above most of the children of +God, and that, therefore, the Lord favours us thus. The true reason is +this. Just in as many points as we are acting according to the mind of +God, in so many are we blessed and made a blessing. Our manner of living +is according to the mind of the Lord, for He delights in seeing His +children thus come to Him (Matt. vi.); and therefore, though I am weak and +erring in many points, yet He blesses me in this particular, and, I doubt +not, will bless me, as long as He shall enable me to act according to His +will in this matter. + +After we had, on December 31st, 1831, looked over the Lord's gracious +dealings with us during the past year, in providing for all our temporal +wants, we had about 10s. left. A little while after, the providence of God +called for that, so that not a single farthing remained. Thus we closed +the old year, in which the Lord had been so gracious in giving to us, +without our asking any one:-- + +1. Through the instrumentality of the box, L31. 14s.-- + +2. From brethren of the Church at Teignmouth, in presents of money, L6. +18s. 6d. + +3. From brethren living at Teignmouth and elsewhere, not connected with +the Church at Teignmouth, L93. 6s. 2d. Altogether, L131. 18s. 8d. + +There had been likewise many articles of provision and some articles of +clothing given to us, worth at least L20. I am so particular in mentioning +these things, to show that we are never losers by acting according to the +mind of the Lord. For had I had my regular salary, humanly speaking, I +should not have had nearly as much; but whether this would have been the +case or not, this is plain, that I have not served a hard Master, and that +is what I delight to show. For, to speak well of His name, that thus my +beloved fellow-pilgrims, who may read this, may be encouraged to trust in +Him, is the chief purpose of my writing. + +We had now in the new year to look up to our kind Father for new mercies, +and during the year 1832 also we found Him as faithful and compassionate +as before, not laying more on us than He enabled us to bear, though space +will only permit me to mention a few particulars. + +January 7, 1832. We had been again repeatedly asking the Lord today and +yesterday to supply our temporal wants, having no means to pay our weekly +rent; and this evening, as late as eleven o'clock, a brother gave us 19s. +6d., a proof that the Lord is not limited to time. + +January 13. The Lord has again graciously fed us today. We have 5d. left, +some bread, rice, meat, potatoes, and other good things, and, above all, +the Lord Jesus. He who has provided will provide. + +January 14. This morning we had nothing but dry bread with our tea; only +the second time since we have been living by simple faith upon Jesus for +temporal supplies. We have more than L40. of ready money in the house for +two bills,2 which will not be payable for several weeks; but we do not +consider this money to be our own, and would rather suffer great +privation, God helping us, than take of it. I thank the Lord, who gives me +grace to be more faithful in these matters than I used to be formerly, +when I would have taken of it, and said, that by the time the money was +actually due, I should be able to replace it. We were looking to our +Father, and He has not suffered us to be disappointed. For when now we had +but 3d. left, and only a small piece of bread, we received 2s. and 5s., +the particulars concerning which would take up too much space. + +February 18. This afternoon I broke a blood vessel in my stomach, and +lost a considerable quantity of blood. I was very happy immediately +afterwards. February 19. This morning, Lord's day, two brethren called on +me, to ask me what arrangement there should be made today, as it regarded +the four villages, where some of the brethren were in the habit of +preaching, as, on account of my not being able to preach, one of the +brethren would need to stay at home to take my place. I asked them, kindly +to come again in about an hour, when I would give them an answer. After +they were gone, the Lord gave me faith to rise. I dressed myself, and +determined to go to the chapel. I was enabled to do so, though so weak +when I went, that walking the short distance to the chapel was an exertion +to me. I was enabled to preach this morning with as loud and strong a +voice as usual, and for the usual length of time. After the morning +meeting, a medical friend called on me, and entreated me not to preach +again in the afternoon, as it might greatly injure me. I told him, that I +should indeed consider it great presumption to do so, had the Lord not +given me faith. I preached again in the afternoon, and this medical friend +called again, and said the same concerning the evening meeting. +Nevertheless, having faith, I preached again in the evening. After each +meeting I became stronger, which was a plain proof that the hand of God +was in the matter. After the third meeting I went immediately to bed, +considering that it would be presumption to try my strength needlessly. + +February 20. The Lord enabled me to rise early in the morning, and to go +to our usual prayer-meeting, where I read, spoke, and prayed. Afterwards I +wrote four letters, expounded the scriptures at home, and attended the +meeting again in the evening. February 21. I attended the two meetings as +usual, preached in the evening, and did my other work besides. February +22. Today I attended the meeting in the morning, walked afterwards six +miles with two brethren to Newton Bushel, and rode from thence to +Plymouth: February 23. I am now as well as I was before I broke the blood +vessel.--In relating the particulars of this circumstance I would earnestly +warn every one who may read this, not to imitate me in such a thing if he +has no faith; but if he has, it will, as good coin, most assuredly be +honoured by God. I could not say, that, if such a thing should happen +again, I would act in the same way; for when I have been not nearly so +weak as when I had broken the blood-vessel, having no faith, I did not +preach; yet if it were to please the Lord to give me faith, I might be +able to do the same, though even still weaker than at the time just spoken +of. + +About this time I repeatedly prayed with sick believers till they were +restored. Unconditionally I asked the Lord for the blessing of bodily +health, (a thing which I could not do now), and almost always had the +petition granted. In some instances, however, the prayer was not answered. +In the same way, whilst in London, Nov. 1829, in answer to my prayers, I +was immediately restored from a bodily infirmity under which I had been +labouring for a long time, and which has never returned since. The way in +which I now account for these facts is as follows. It pleased the Lord, I +think, to give me in such cases something like the gift (not grace) of +faith, so that unconditionally I could ask and look for an answer. The +difference between the gift and the grace of faith seems to me this. +According to the gift of faith I am able to do a thing, or believe that a +thing will come to pass, the not doing of which, or the not believing of +which would not be sin; according to the grace of faith I am able to do a +thing, or believe that a thing will come to pass, respecting which I have +the word of God as the ground to rest upon, and, therefore, the not doing +it, or the not believing it would be sin. For instance, the gift of faith +would be needed, to believe that a sick person should be restored again +though there is no human probability: for there is no promise to that +effect; the grace of faith is needed to believe that the Lord will give me +the necessaries of life, if I first seek the kingdom of God and His +righteousness: for there is a promise to that effect." Matt. vi. + +March 18. These two days we have not been able to purchase meat. The +sister in whose house we lodge gave us today part of her dinner. We are +still looking to Jesus for deliverance. We want money to pay the weekly +rent and to buy provisions. March 19. Our landlady sent again of her meat +for our dinner. We have but a halfpenny left. I feel myself very cold in +asking for money: still I hope for deliverance, though I do not see whence +money is to come. We were not able to buy bread today as usual. March 20. +This has been again a day of very great mercies. In the morning we met +round our breakfast which the Lord had provided for us, though we had not +a single penny left. The last half-penny was spent for milk. We were then +still looking to Jesus for fresh supplies. We both had no doubt that the +Lord would interfere. I felt it a trial that I had but little earnestness +in asking the Lord, and had this not been the case, perhaps we might have +had our wants sooner supplied. We have about L7. in the house; but +considering it no longer our own, the Lord kept us from taking of it, with +the view of replacing what we had taken, as formerly I might have done. +The meat which was sent yesterday for our dinner, was enough also for +today. Thus the Lord had provided another meal. Two sisters called upon us +about noon, who gave us two pounds of sugar, one pound of coffee, and two +cakes of chocolate. Whilst they were with us, a poor sister came and +brought 1s. from herself, and 2s. 6d. from another poor sister. Our +landlady also sent us again of her dinner, and also a loaf. Our bread +would scarcely have been enough for tea, had the Lord not thus graciously +provided. In the afternoon the same sister who brought the money, brought +us also from another sister, one pound of butter and 2s., and from another +sister 5s. Thus the Lord graciously has again answered our feeble and cold +breathings. Lord, strengthen our faith. + +March 29. I went to Shaldon this morning. Brother Craik has left for +Bristol for four weeks. I think he will only return to take leave, and +that the Lord will give him work there. [What a remarkable presentiment, +which came to pass, concerning my beloved brother and fellow-labourer!] + +April 4. Besides our own family, there are now four visitors staying with +us, and we have but 2s. April 5. Four pounds of cheese, and one pound of +butter were sent to us. April 7. Anonymously was sent to us, from +Plymouth, a large ham, with two sovereigns tied in the corner of the cloth +in which the ham was wrapped up. Thus the Lord, once more, in this our +time of need, when our expenses are double, has graciously appeared for us. + +April 8. I have again felt much this day that Teignmouth is no longer my +place, and that I shall leave it. + +I would observe that in August of the preceding year (1831), I began +greatly to feel as if my work at Teignmouth were done, and that I should +go somewhere else. On writing about this to a friend, I was led, from the +answer I received, to consider the matter more maturely, and at last had +it settled in this way, that it was not likely to be of God, because, for +certain reasons, I should naturally have liked to leave Teignmouth. +Afterwards I felt quite comfortable in remaining there. In the +commencement of the year 1832 I began again much to doubt whether +Teignmouth was my place, or whether my gift was not much more that of +going about from place to place, seeking to bring believers back to the +Scriptures, than to stay in one place and to labour as a pastor. I thought +so particularly whilst at Plymouth, in February. On my return, however, I +resolved to try whether it were not the will of God that I should still +give myself to pastoral work among the brethren at Teignmouth; and, with +more earnestness and faithfulness than ever, I was enabled to attend to +this work, and was certainly much refreshed and blessed in it; and I saw +immediately blessings result from it. This my experience seemed more than +ever to settle me at Teignmouth. But notwithstanding this, the impression +that my work was done there, came back after some time, as the remark in +my journal of April 8th shows, and it became stronger and stronger. There +was one point remarkable in connexion with this. Wherever I went, I +preached with much more enjoyment and power than at Teignmouth, the very +reverse of which had been the case on my first going there. Moreover, +almost every where I had many more hearers than at Teignmouth, and found +the people hungering after food, which, generally speaking, was no longer +the case at Teignmouth. + +April 10. I asked the Lord for a text, but obtained none. At last; after +having again much felt that Teignmouth is not my place, I was directed to +Isaiah li. 9-11. April 11. Felt again much that Teignmouth will not much +longer be my residence. April 12. Still feel the impression that +Teignmouth is no longer my place. April 13. Found a letter from Brother +Craik, from Bristol, on my return from Torquay, where I had been to +preach. He invites me to come and help him. It appears to me from what he +writes, that such places as Bristol more suit my gifts. O Lord, teach me! +I have felt this day more than ever, that I shall soon leave Teignmouth. I +fear, however, there is much connected with it which savours of the flesh, +and that makes me fearful. It seems to me as if I should shortly go to +Bristol, if the Lord permit. April 14. Wrote a letter to Brother Craik, in +which I said I should come, if I clearly saw it to be the Lord's will. +Have felt again very much today, yea, far more than ever, that I shall +soon leave Teignmouth. At last I was pressed in spirit to determine that +tomorrow I would tell the brethren so, in order that by the result of this +I might see more of the Lord's mind; and that, at all events, I might have +their prayers, to be directed in this matter by the Lord. + +April 15. Lord's day. This evening I preached again once more, as fully +as time would permit, on the Lord's second coming. After having done so, I +told the brethren what effect this doctrine had had upon me, on first +receiving it, even to determine me to leave London, and to preach +throughout the kingdom; but that the Lord had kept me chiefly at +Teignmouth for these two years and three months, and that it seemed to me +now that the time was near when I should leave them. I reminded them of +what I told them when they requested me to take the oversight of them, +that I could make no certain engagement, but stay only so long with them +as I should see it to be the Lord's will to do so. There was much weeping +afterwards. But I am now again in peace. [This would not have been the +case, had the matter not been of God. I knew of no place to go to. My mind +was much directed to Torquay, to preach there for a month or so, and then +to go further. For though I had written that I would come to Bristol, I +meant only to stay there for a few days, and to preach a few times.] + +April 16. This morning I am still in peace. I am glad I have spoken to +the brethren, that they may be prepared, in case the Lord should take me +away.--Having again little money, and being about to leave Teignmouth for +several days, I asked the Lord for a fresh supply, and within about four +hours afterwards he sent me, from six different quarters, L3. 7s. 6d. I +left today for Dartmouth, where I preached in the evening.--There was much +weeping today among the saints at Teignmouth. This is already a trial to +me, and it will be still more so should I actually leave.--It is a most +important work to go about and stir up the churches; but it requires much +grace, much self-denial, much saying over the same things, and the +greatest watchfulness and faithfulness, in making use of one's time for +prayer, meditation, and reading the Scriptures.--I had five answers to +prayer today. 1. I awoke at five, for which I had asked the Lord last +evening. 2. The Lord removed from my dear wife an indisposition, under +which she had been suffering. It would have been trying to me to have had +to leave her in that state. 3. The Lord sent us money. 4. There was a +place vacant on the Dartmouth coach, which only passes through Teignmouth. +5. This evening I was assisted in preaching, and my own soul refreshed. + +April 17. I preached again at Dartmouth. April 18. I am still at +Dartmouth. I wrote to Brother Craik, that, the Lord willing, I should be +with him at Bristol on the 21st. I preached again this evening, with +especial assistance, before a large congregation. April 19. I awoke early, +and had a good while to myself for prayer and reading the Word, and left +happy in spirit for Torquay, where I preached in the evening with much +help. The brethren are sorry, that, on account of my going to Bristol, my +regular weekly preaching will be given up there for a while. I walked home +after preaching, and arrived at Teignmouth at twelve o'clock. + +April 20. I left this morning for Bristol. I preached with little power +(as to my own feeling) in Exeter, from three till half-past four. At five +I left for Taleford, where I preached in the evening, likewise with little +power. I was very tired in body, and had had therefore little prayer. But +still, in both places, the believers seemed refreshed. I went to bed at +eleven, very, very tired. + +April 21. This morning I rose a little before five, and attended a prayer +meeting from a quarter past five, to a quarter past six. I spoke for some +time at the meeting. Afterwards I prayed and read again with some +believers, and likewise expounded the Scriptures. The Bristol coach took +me up about ten. I was very faithless on the journey. + +I did not speak a single word for Christ, and was therefore wretched in +my soul. This has shown me again my weakness. Though the Lord had been so +gracious to me yesterday, in this particular, both on my way from +Teignmouth to Exeter, and from Exeter to Taleford, and had given me much +encouragement, in that He made my fellow-travellers either thankfully to +receive the word, or constrained them quietly to listen to the testimony; +yet I did not confess Him today. Nor did I give away a single tract, +though I had my pockets full on purpose. O wretched man that I am! + +I would offer here a word of warning to my fellow-believers. Often the +work of the Lord itself may be a temptation to keep us from that communion +with Him which is so essential to the benefit of our own souls.--On the +19th I had left Dartmouth, conversed a good deal that day, preached in the +evening, walked afterwards eight miles, had only about five hours sleep, +traveled again the next day twenty-five miles, preached twice, and +conversed very much besides, went to bed at eleven, and rose before five. +All this shows that my body and spirit required rest, and, therefore, +however careless about the Lord's work I might have appeared to my +brethren, I ought to have had a great deal of quiet time for prayer and +reading the Word, especially as I had a long journey before me that day, +and as I was going to Bristol, which in itself required much prayer. +Instead of this, I hurried to the prayer meeting after a few minutes' +private prayer. But let none think that public prayer will make up for +closet communion. Then again, afterwards, when I ought to have withdrawn +myself, as it were, by force, from the company of beloved brethren and +sisters, and given my testimony for the Lord (and, indeed, it would have +been the best testimony I could have given them), by telling them that I +needed secret communion with the Lord: I did not do so, but spent the +time, till the coach came, in conversation with them. Now, however +profitable in some respects it may have been to those with whom I was on +that morning, yet my own soul needed food; and not having had it, I was +lean, and felt the effects of it the whole day, and hence I believe it +came that I was dumb on the coach. + +April 22. This morning I preached at Gideon Chapel, Bristol. [Though this +sermon gave rise to false reports, yet the Lord was pleased to bless it to +several; and the false reports were likewise instrumental in bringing many +individuals under the sound of the Word.] In the afternoon I preached at +the Pithay Chapel. [This sermon was a blessing to many, many souls; and +many were brought through it, to come afterwards to hear Brother Craik and +me. Among others it was the means of converting a young man who was a +notorious drunkard, and who was just again on his way to a public house, +when an acquaintance of his met him, and asked him to go with him to hear +a foreigner preach. He did so; and from that moment he was so completely +altered, that he never again went to a public house, and was so happy in +the Lord afterwards that he often neglected his supper, from eagerness to +read the Scriptures, as his wife told me. He died about five months +afterwards.] This evening I was much instructed in hearing Brother Craik +preach. I am now fully persuaded that Bristol is the place where the Lord +will have me to labour. + +April 23. This evening I preached again with much assistance at Gideon. I +was very happy. [The Lord made this testimony a blessing to several.] I +feel that Bristol is my place for a while. The Lord mercifully teach me! + +April 27. It seems to Brother Craik and myself the Lord's will that we +should go home next week, in order that in quietness, without being +influenced by what we see here, we may more inquire into the Lord's will +concerning us. It especially appears to us much more likely that we should +come to a right conclusion among the brethren and sisters in Devonshire, +whose tears we shall have to witness, and whose entreaties to stay with +them we shall have to hear, than here in Bristol, where we see only those +who wish us to stay. Some asked me to stay with them while Brother Craik +goes home. But it seems better that we should both go. [I observe here, it +was evident that many preferred my beloved brother's gifts to my own; yet, +as he would not come, except I came with him: and as I knew that I also +had been called by the Lord for the ministry of the Word, I knew that I +also should find my work in Bristol, and that though it might be a +different one, yet I should fill up in some measure his lack, whilst he +supplied my deficiencies; and that thus we might both be a benefit to the +church and to the world in Bristol. The result has evidently confirmed +this. I am, moreover, by the grace of God, strengthened to rejoice in my +fellow-labourer's honour, instead of envying him; having, in some measure, +been enabled to enter into the meaning of that word: "A man can receive +nothing, except it be given him from above."] + +April 28. It still seems to us the Lord's will that we should both leave +soon, to have quiet time for prayer concerning Bristol. This afternoon I +felt the want of retirement, finding afresh, that the society of brethren +cannot make up for communion with the Lord. I spent about three hours over +the Word and in prayer, this evening, which has been a great refreshment +to my inner man. + +April 29. I preached this morning with much outward power, but with +little inward enjoyment, on Rev. iii. 14-22. [As it afterwards appeared, +that testimony was blessed to many, though I lacked enjoyment in my own +soul. May this be an encouragement to those who labour in word and +doctrine!] This afternoon Brother Craik preached in a vessel called the +Clifton Ark, fitted up for a chapel. In the evening I preached in the same +vessel. [These testimonies also God greatly honoured, and made them the +means of afterwards bringing several, who then heard us, to our meeting +places. How did God bless us in everything we took into our hands! How was +He with us, and how did He help us, thereby evidently showing that He +Himself had sent us to this city!] Brother Craik preached this evening +at Gideon for the last time previous to our going. The aisles, the pulpit +stairs, and the vestry were filled, and multitudes went away on account of +the want of room. + +April 30. It was most affecting to take leave of the dear children of +God, dozens pressing us to return soon, many with tears in their eyes. The +blessing which the Lord has given to our ministry, seems to be very great. + +We both see it fully the Lord's will to come here, though we do not see +under what circumstances. A brother has promised to take Bethesda Chapel +for us, and to be answerable for the payment of the rent: so that thus we +should have two large chapels.-I saw, again, two instances today, in which +my preaching has been blessed. + +May 1. Brother Craik and I left this morning for Devonshire. May 2. I +preached this evening at Bishopsteignton, and told the brethren, that, the +Lord willing, I should soon leave them. May 3. I saw several of the +brethren today, and felt so fully assured that it is the Lord's will that +I should go to Bristol, that I told them so. This evening I had a meeting +with the three deacons, when I told them plainly about it; asking them, if +they see any thing wrong in me concerning this matter, to tell me of it. +They had nothing to say against it; yea, though much wishing me to stay, +they were convinced themselves that my going is of God. + +May 4. I saw again several brethren today, and told them about my +intention to go to Bristol. There is much sorrowing and sighing, but it +does not move me in the least, though I desire to sympathize with them. I +am still fully persuaded that the Lord will have us go to Bristol. May 5. +One other striking proof to my mind, that my leaving Teignmouth is of God, +is, that some truly spiritual believers, though they much wish me to stay, +themselves see that I ought to go to Bristol. + +May 7. Having received a letter from Bristol on May 5th, it was answered +today in such a way that the Lord may have another opportunity, to prevent +our going thither, if it be not of Him. Especially we will not move a +single stone out of the way in our own strength, and much less still be +guilty of a want of openness and plainness, nor would we wish by such +means to obtain Bethesda chapel. + +May 11. The Lord seems to try us about Bristol. There was reason to +expect a letter the day before yesterday, but none came; also today there +is no letter. Even this is very good for us. Yea, I do wish most heartily +that we may not have Bethesda chapel, if it be not good for us. + +May 15. Just when I was in prayer concerning Bristol, I was sent for to +come to Brother Craik. Two letters had arrived from Bristol. The brethren +assembling at Gideon accept our offer to come under the conditions we have +made, i.e., for the present to consider us only as ministering among them, +but not in any fixed pastoral relationship, so that we may preach as we +consider it to be according to the mind of God, without reference to any +rules among them; that the pew-rents should be done away with and that we +should go on, respecting the supply of our temporal wants, as in +Devonshire. We intend, the Lord willing, to leave in about a week, though +there is nothing settled respecting Bethesda chapel. + +May 16. I preached for the last time at Bishopsteignton, and took leave +of the brethren. May 17. I went to Exmouth, and, after preaching, took +leave of the brethren. May 21. I began today to take leave of the brethren +at Teignmouth, calling on each of them. In the evening I went over to +Shaldon to take leave of the brethren, of whom brother Craik has had the +oversight. It has been a trying day. Much weeping on the part of the +saints. Were I not so fully persuaded that it is the will of God we should +go to Bristol, I should have been hardly able to bear it. + +May 22. The brethren at Shaldon and Teignmouth say, that they expect us +soon back again. As far as I understand the way in which God deals with +his children, this seems very unlikely. In every respect we have seen the +Lord's goodness, and all proves that it is His will that we should go to +Bristol. This full persuasion has helped me to withstand all the tears of +the saints. Towards the evening the Lord, after repeated prayer, gave me +Col. i. 21-23, as a text, for the last word of exhortation. It seemed to +me best to speak as little as possible about myself, and as much as +possible about Christ. I scarcely alluded to our separation, and only +commended myself and the brethren, in the concluding prayer, to the Lord. +The parting scenes are very trying, but my full persuasion is, that the +separation is of the Lord. + +May 23. My beloved wife, Mr. Groves, my father-in-law, and I left this +morning for Exeter. Dear brother Craik intends to follow us tomorrow. + +Review of the time since I left London, up to my removal from Teignmouth. + +I. All this time the Lord never allowed me to regret the step I had +taken, in separating from the Society. + +II. The results have most abundantly shown, that it was of God; for, by +His help, 1, I have not lost in truth or grace since. 2, I have been in +peace concerning the matter. 3, the Lord made it a blessing to many souls. + +III. During this period it pleased the Lord, to convert, through my +instrumentality, many souls at Teignmouth, Exmouth, Bishopsteignton, +Exeter, Chudleigh, in the neighbourhood of Barnstaple, at Chard, and +elsewhere. The church at Teignmouth increased from eighteen to fifty-one. + +IV. The Lord most graciously supplied all my temporal wants during this +period, so that I lacked no good thing. + +V. We had unexpectedly received, just before we left Teignmouth, about +L15., else we should not have been able to defray all the expenses +connected with leaving, traveling, &c. By this also the Lord showed His +mind concerning our going to Bristol. + +VI. During these two years and five months, since I left London, I have +sinned in many respects, though walking, it may be, in the eyes of the +brethren, very near to God. Indeed, my confession concerning this time +also is, that I have been an unprofitable servant. + +The following record will now show to the believing reader how far, what +I have said concerning my persuasion, that it was the will of God that we +should go to Bristol, has been proved by facts. + +May 25th, 1832. This evening we arrived in Bristol. May 27. This morning +we received a sovereign, sent to us by a sister residing in Devonshire, +which we take as an earnest that the Lord will provide for us here also. +May 28. When we were going to speak to the brethren, who manage the +temporal affairs of Gideon chapel, about giving up the pew-rents, having +all the seats free, and receiving the free-will offerings through a box, a +matter which was not quite settled on their part, as brother Craik and I +had thought; we found that the Lord had so graciously ordered this matter +for us, that there was not the least objection on the part of these +brethren. + +June 4. For several days we have been looking about for lodgings, but +finding none plain and cheap enough, we were led to make this also a +subject of earnest prayer; and now, immediately afterwards, the Lord has +given us such as are suitable. They are the plainest and cheapest we can +find, but still too good for servants of Jesus, as our Master had not +where to lay His head. We pay only 18s. a week for two sitting-rooms and +three bedrooms, coals and attendance. It was particularly difficult to +find cheap furnished lodgings, having five rooms in the same house, which +we need, as brother Craik and we live together. How good is the Lord to +have thus appeared for us, in answer to prayer, and what an encouragement +to commit every thing to Him in prayer! + +June 5. Today we had already a testimony of a sinner having been +converted by brother Craik's instrumentality, on the first Lord's day in +April, simply through hearing the text read. [This aged sister lived +eleven years afterwards, during which time her walk was according to the +profession she made. She fell asleep in 1843.] June 7. We have daily fresh +encouragements, and fresh proofs that our being here is of God. June 16. +We saw another instance of conversion through brother Craik's +instrumentality. + +June 25. Today it was finally settled to take Bethesda chapel for a +twelvemonth, on condition that a brother at once paid the rent, with the +understanding, that, if the Lord shall bless our labours in that place, so +that believers are gathered together in fellowship, he expects them to +help him; but, if not, that he will pay all. This was the only way in +which we could take the chapel; for we could not think it to be of God to +have had this chapel, though there should have been every prospect of +usefulness, if it had made us in any way debtors. We had tried to obtain a +cheaper meeting-place, but could find none large enough to accommodate the +hearers. + +July 6. Today we commenced preaching at Bethesda Chapel. It was a good +day. July 13. Today we heard of the first cases of cholera in Bristol. +July 16. This evening, from six to nine o'clock, we had appointed for +conversing at the vestry, one by one, with individuals, who wished to +speak to us about their souls. There were so many, that we were engaged +from six till twenty minutes past ten. + +These meetings we have continued ever since twice a week, or once a week, +or once a fortnight, or once a month, as our strength and time allowed it, +or as they seemed needed. We have found them beneficial in the following +respects: + +1. Many persons, on account of timidity, would prefer coming at an +appointed time to the vestry to converse with us, to calling on us in our +own house. 2. The very fact of appointing a time for seeing people, to +converse with them in private concerning the things of eternity, has +brought some, who, humanly speaking, never would have called on us under +other circumstances; yea, it has brought even those who, though they +thought they were concerned about the things of God, yet were completely +ignorant; and thus we have had an opportunity of speaking to them. 3. +These meetings have also been a great encouragement to ourselves in the +work, for often, when we thought that such and such expositions of the +Word had done no good at all, it was, through these meetings, found to be +the reverse; and likewise, when our hands were hanging down, we have been +afresh encouraged to go forward in the work of the Lord, and to continue +sowing the seed in hope, by seeing at these meetings fresh cases, in which +the Lord had condescended to use us as instruments, particularly as in +this way instances have sometimes occurred in which individuals have +spoken to us about the benefit which they derived from our ministry, not +only a few months before, but even as long as two, three, and four years +before. + +For the above reasons I would particularly recommend to other servants of +Christ, especially to those who live in large towns, if they have not +already introduced a similar plan, to consider whether it may not be well +for them also to set apart such times for seeing inquirers. Those +meetings, however, require much prayer, to be enabled to speak aright, to +all those who come, according to their different need; and one is led +continually to feel that one is not sufficient of one's self for these +things, but that our sufficiency can be alone of God. These meetings also +have been by far the most wearing out part of all our work, though at the +same time the most refreshing. + +July 18. Today I spent the whole morning in the vestry, to procure a +quiet season. This has now for some time been the only way, on account of +the multiplicity of engagements, to make sure of time for prayer, reading +the Word and meditation. July 19. I spent from half-past nine till one in +the vestry, and had real communion with the Lord. The Lord be praised, who +has put it into my mind to use the vestry for a place of retirement! + +August 5. When all our money was gone today, the Lord again graciously +supplied our wants. August 6. This afternoon, from two till after six, +brother Craik and I spent in the vestry, to see the inquirers. We have had +again, in seeing several instances of blessing upon our labours, abundant +reason brought before us to praise the Lord for having sent us to Bristol. + +August 13, 1832. This evening one brother and four sisters united with +brother Craik and me in church fellowship at Bethesda, without any rules, +desiring only to act as the Lord shall be pleased to give us light through +His word. + +August 14. This day we set apart for prayer concerning the cholera, and +had three meetings. + +August 17. This morning, from six to eight, we had a prayer meeting at +Gideon, on account of the cholera. Between two and three hundred people +were present. [We continued these meetings every morning, as long as the +cholera raged in Bristol, and afterwards changed them into prayer meetings +for the church at large, so that we had them for about four months.] + +August 24. This morning a sister in the Lord, within fifty yards of our +lodging, was taken ill in the cholera, and died this afternoon. Her +husband, also a believer, has been attacked, and may be near death. The +ravages of this disease are becoming daily more and more fearful. We have +reason to believe that great numbers die daily in this city. Who may be +the next, God alone knows. I have never realised so much the nearness of +death. Except the Lord keep us this night, we shall be no more in the land +of the living tomorrow. Just now, ten in the evening, the funeral bell is +ringing, and has been ringing the greater part of this evening. It rings +almost all the day. Into Thine hands, O Lord, I commend myself! Here is +Thy poor worthless child! If this night I should be taken in the cholera, +my only hope and trust is in the blood of Jesus Christ, shed for the +remission of all my many sins. I have been thoroughly washed in it, and +the righteousness of God covers me.--As yet there have not been any of the +saints, among whom brother Craik and I labour, taken in the cholera. [Only +one of them fell asleep afterwards in consequence of this disease. I would +observe, that though brother Craik and I visited many cholera cases, by +day and by night, yet the Lord most graciously preserved us and our +families from it.] + +September 17. This morning the Lord, in addition to all His other +mercies, has given us a little girl, who, with her mother, are doing well. + +September 21. On account of the birth of our little one, and brother +Craik's intended marriage, it is needful that we change our lodgings, as +they will now be too small for us, because we shall want one room more. +Just when we were thinking about this, the house belonging to Gideon +chapel, which had been let for three years, was unexpectedly given up by +the tenant, and it was now offered to us by the church. We said we could +not think of going into it, as we had no furniture, and no money to buy +any. The brother who proposed our going into that house, however, replied +that the brethren would gladly furnish it for us, to which we objected, +fearing it would burthen them. When, however, the matter was repeatedly +mentioned, and when it was particularly expressed that it would be a +pleasure to the brethren to furnish the house, we began to consider the +subject in prayer, and we saw no scriptural objection to accept this +kindness, provided the furniture was very plain. This was promised. The +house was furnished, yet the love of the brethren had done it more +expensively than we wished it. + +September 23. Today an individual desired publicly to return thanks to +the Lord, for having been supported under the loss of a child, mother, +brother, and wife, in the cholera, within one month. + +September 25. Last night brother Craik and I were called out of bed to a +poor woman ill in the cholera. She was suffering intensely. We never saw a +case so distressing. We could hardly say any thing to her on account of +her loud cries. I felt as if the cholera was coming upon me. We commended +ourselves into the hands of the Lord when we came home, and He mercifully +preserved us. The poor woman died today. + +Oct. 1. A meeting for inquirers this afternoon from two to five. Many +more are convinced of sin through brother Craik's preaching than my own. +This circumstance led me to inquire into the reasons, which are probably +these:--1. That brother Craik is more spiritually minded than I am. 2. +That he prays more earnestly for the conversion of sinners than I do. 3. +That he more frequently addresses sinners, as such, in his public +ministrations, than I do.--This led me to more frequent and earnest prayer +for the conversion of sinners, and to address them more frequently as +such. The latter had never been intentionally left undone, but it had not +been so frequently brought to my mind as to that of brother Craik. Since +then, the cases in which it has pleased the Lord to use me as an +instrument of conversion have been quite as many as those in which brother +Craik has been used. May the Lord be pleased to use this as a means to +lead any of His servants, who may not have acted according to these two +last points, to seek to do so, and may He graciously enable me to do so +more abundantly! + +October 3. This day we set apart as a day of thanksgiving, the cholera +having decreased. Oct. 5. Prayer meeting this morning as usual. The +cholera is very much decreasing, and the number at our morning prayer +meetings likewise.--Hundreds of people were stirred up at that time, but +many of them, when the judgment of God had passed away, cared no longer +about their souls. Yet a goodly number, who were first led through the +instrumentality of the cholera to seek the Lord, are now breaking bread +with us, and are walking in the fear of the Lord. How merciful in its +results has this heavy judgment been to many! + +January 4, 1833. This morning we received letters from Bagdad. The +missionary brethren there invite brother Craik and me to come and join +them in their labours. The invitation was accompanied by drafts to the +amount of L200., for our traveling expenses. What wilt Thou have me to do, +gracious Lord? I do not know what may be the Lord's mind. There are +points which ought to be much considered and prayed over: There are German +villages not very far from Bagdad, where I might labour; upon our going, +that of certain other individuals may depend; the brethren at Bagdad are +of one mind respecting our going out; good may be done on the way; the +going out without any visible support from a society, simply trusting in +the Lord for the supply of our temporal wants, would be a testimony for +Him; I have had for years a feeling as if one day I should go out as a +missionary to the heathen or Mahomedans; and lastly, the hands of the +brethren at Bagdad may be strengthened; these are the points, which must +appear of no sufficient weight in comparison with the importance of our +work here, before I can determine not to go. + +January 5. I considered with brother Craik about going to Bagdad. We see +nothing clearly. If the Lord will have me to go, here I am. January 7. I +spent again some time in prayer, respecting our going to Bagdad, and +examined more fully into it. January 8. I had from half-past five till +eight this morning to myself in prayer and reading the Word. I prayed +then, and repeatedly besides this day, respecting our going to Bagdad. I +wrote also a letter to some believers at and near Barnstaple, to ask their +prayers concerning this matter. I do not see more clearly than I did +before. January 9. I again asked the Lord concerning Bagdad, but see +nothing clearly respecting it. I told the Lord I should stay at my post, +unless He Himself should most evidently take me away, and I did not feel +afterwards my remaining here to be against His will. January 14. I feel +more and more satisfied that it is not of the Lord that I should go to +Bagdad. January 19. For some days past I have been reading brother Groves' +journal of his residence at Bagdad, both for the sake of information +respecting his position there, and also, if it please the Lord, that He +may use this as a means to show me clearly wether I should go or stay. +Blessed be His name that I have no desire of my own in this matter! +[Forty-seven years have since passed away, and I think I may say this +day still, according to the best of my knowledge, I had no desire of my +own in this matter; but I never saw it to be the Lord's will to leave the +work which He Himself had so evidently given me.] + +February 9. I read a part of Franke's life. The Lord graciously help me +to follow him, as far as he followed Christ. The greater part of the +Lord's people whom we know in Bristol are poor, and if the Lord were to +give us grace to live more as this dear man of God did, we might draw much +more than we have as yet done out of our Heavenly Father's bank, for our +poor brethren and sisters. + +May 27. Today the two churches, assembling at Gideon and Bethesda, met +together at tea.--These meetings we have often repeated, and found them +profitable on several accounts. 1. They give a testimony to the world of +the love of the brethren, by rich and poor meeting thus together to +partake of a meal. 2. Such meetings may be instrumental in uniting the +saints more and more together. 3. They give us a sweet foretaste of our +meeting together at the marriage supper of the Lamb.--At these meetings we +pray and sing together, and any brother has an opportunity to speak what +may tend to the edification of the rest. + +May 28. This morning, whilst sitting in my room, the distress of several +brethren and sisters was brought to my mind, and I said to myself, "Oh +that it might please the Lord to give me means to help them!" About an +hour afterwards I received L60. from a brother, whom up to this day I +never saw, and who then lived, as he does still, at a distance of several +thousand miles. This shows how the Lord can provide in any way for His +people, and that He is not confined to places. Oh that my heart might +overflow with gratitude to the Lord! [Since the first edition was printed, +I have become personally acquainted with the donor.] + +May 29. Review of the last twelve months, since we have been in Bristol, +as it regards the fruits of our labours. 1. It has pleased the Lord to +gather a church, through our instrumentality, at Bethesda, which is +increased to 60 in number, and there have been added to Gideon church 49; +therefore the total number of those added to us within the year, has been +109. 2. There have been converted through our instrumentality, so far as +we have heard and can judge respecting the individuals, 65. 3. Many +backsliders have been reclaimed, and many of the children of God have been +encouraged and strengthened in the way of truth. What clear proofs that we +were not suffered to be mistaken, as it regards our coming to Bristol. + +June 12. I felt, this morning, that we might do something for the souls +of those poor boys and girls, and grown-up or aged people, to whom we have +daily given bread for some time past, in establishing a school for them, +reading the Scriptures to them, and speaking to them about the Lord. As +far as I see at present, it appears well to me to take a place in the +midst of those poor streets near us, to collect the children in the +morning about eight, giving them each a piece of bread for breakfast, and +then to teach them to read, or to read the Scriptures to them, for about +an hour and a half. Afterwards the aged, or grown-up people, may have +their appointed time, when bread may be given to them, and the Scriptures +read and expounded to them, for, perhaps, half an hour. About similar +things I have now and then thought these two years.--There was bread given +to about 30 or 40 persons today; and though the number should increase, in +the above way, to 200 or more, surely our gracious and rich Lord can give +us bread for them also. No sooner had these thoughts arisen, and I +communicated them to my dear brother Craik, than I was also directed to a +place where the people may be assembled, holding comfortably 150 children. +We went about it, and may have it at the rent of 10l., yearly. The Lord +directed us, also, to an aged brother as a teacher, and he gladly accepted +of our offer. Surely, this matter seems to be of God. Moreover, as I have +just now a good deal of money left of the 60l., we have wherewith to +begin; and if it be the Lord's will, and if He will accept it, I am +willing to lay out at once 20l. of it in this way, yea, all that is left, +if He will but speak; and, by the time that this is gone, He can send +more. O Lord, if this matter be of Thee, then prosper it! [This desire was +not carried out. As far as I remember, the chief obstacle in the way was a +pressure of work coming upon brother Craik and me just about that time. +Shortly after, the number of the poor who came for bread increased to +between 60 and 80 a day, whereby our neighbours were molested, as the +beggars were lying about in troops in the streets, on account of which we +were obliged to tell them no longer to come for bread. But though, at this +time, this matter was not carried out, the thought was, from time to time, +revived and strengthened in my mind, and it ultimately issued in the +formation of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution, and in the +establishment of the Orphan-Houses.] + +June 22. A brother sent a hat to brother Craik, and one to me, as a token +of his love and gratitude, like a thank-offering, as he says. This is now +the fourth hat which the Lord has kindly sent me successively, whenever, +or even before, I needed one. Between August 19th and 27th was sent to us, +by several individuals, a considerable quantity of fruit. How very kind of +the Lord, not merely to send us the necessaries of life, but even such +things as, on account of the weakness of our bodies, or the want of +appetite, we might have desired! Thus the Lord has sent wine or porter +when we required it; or, when there was want of appetite, and, on account +of the poverty of our brethren, we should not have considered it right to +spend money upon such things, He has kindly sent fowls, game, &c., to suit +our appetite. We have, indeed, not served a hard Master. I am quite +ashamed when I still, sometimes, find my heart dissatisfied, or, at least, +not grateful as it ought to be. + +December 17. This evening brother Craik and I took tea with a family, of +whom five have been brought to the knowledge of the Lord through our +instrumentality. [When we took tea with them again, about a twelvemonth +afterwards, the number had increased to seven.] As an encouragement to +brethren who may desire to preach the Gospel in a language not their own, +I would mention, that the first member of this family who was converted, +came merely out of curiosity to hear my foreign accent, some words having +been mentioned to her which I did not pronounce properly. Scarcely had she +entered the chapel, when she was led to see herself a sinner. Her +intention had been, to stay only a few minutes. But she felt herself as if +bound to the seat whilst I was speaking, and remained to the close of the +meeting. She then went hastily home, instead of pursuing her pleasures, +washed the paint off her face, stayed at home that Lord's day, till the +meeting began again, and from that day was truly converted. Having found +the Lord, she entreated her brothers and sisters to go and hear the Gospel +preached, who, in doing so, were likewise converted. May my dear +missionary brethren always be mindful that the Lord can bless a few broken +sentences, however badly the words are pronounced, as a means in the +conversion of sinners! + +December 31, 1833. In looking over my journal, I find:--I. That at least +260 persons (according to the number of names we have marked down, but +there have been many more,) have come to converse with us about the +concerns of their souls. Out of these, 153 have been added to us in +fellowship these last eighteen months, 60 of whom have been brought to the +knowledge of the Lord through our instrumentality. Besides these 60, five +have fallen asleep before they were received into communion. In addition +to these, there are many among the inquirers and candidates for +fellowship, whom we have reason to believe God has given to us as seals to +our ministry in this city. Some also were converted through our +instrumentality who are in fellowship with other churches in this city. + +II. In looking over the Lord's dealings with me as to temporal things, I +find that He has sent me, during the past year,-- + +1. In freewill offerings through the boxes, as my part L152 14s. 5 1/4d. + +2. Presents in money given to me L25 1s. 3d. + +3. Presents in clothes and provisions worth at least L20 0s. 0d. + +Altogether from the brethren in Bristol L197 15s. 8 1/4d. + +4. A brother sent me, from a distance of several thousand miles L60 0s. 0d. + +5. We live free of rent, which is worth for our part L10 0s. 0d. + +Totaling L267 15s 8 1/4d. + +It is just now four years since I first began to trust in the Lord alone +for the supply of my temporal wants. My little all I then had, at most +worth 100l. a year, I gave up to the Lord, having then nothing left but +about 5l. The Lord greatly honoured this little sacrifice, and He gave me, +in return, not only as much as I had given up, but considerably more. For +during the first year, He sent me already, in one way or other, (including +what came to me through family connexion) about 130l. During the second +year, 151l. 18s. 8d. During the third year, 195l. 3s. During this year, +267l. 15s. 8 1/4d. The following points require particular notice:--1. +During the last three years and three months I never have asked any one +for any thing; but, by the help of the Lord, I have been enabled at all +times to bring my wants to Him, and He graciously has supplied them all. +And thus, the Lord helping me, I hope to be enabled to go on to the last +moment of my life. 2. At the close of each of these four years, though my +income has been comparatively great, I have had only a few shillings, or +nothing at all left; and thus it is also today, by the help of God. 3. +During the last year a considerable part of my income has come from a +distance of several thousand miles, from a brother whom I never saw. 4. +Since we have been obliged to discontinue the giving away bread to about +50 poor people every day, on account of our neighbours, our income has not +been, during the second part of this year, nearly so great, scarcely +one-half as much, as during the first part of it; as if the Lord +would thereby show us that when the calls upon us are many, He is able +to send in accordingly. Observe this! + +January 1, 1834. It seemed well to brother Craik and me, to have an +especial public meeting for thanksgiving to the Lord, for His many mercies +towards us since we have been in Bristol, and for the great success which +it has pleased Him to grant to our labours; and also for confession of our +sinfulness and unworthiness, and to entreat Him to continue His goodness +towards us. Accordingly we met last evening, and continued together from +seven o'clock till half-past twelve. About four hundred individuals, or +more, met with us on the occasion. + +January 3. This evening, from six to a quarter past ten, we conversed +with inquirers. After we had seen twelve, we had to send away six. There +were several fresh cases of conversion among them. The work of the Lord is +still going on among us. One of the individuals, who has lately been +brought to the knowledge of the truth, used to say in his unconverted +state, when he was tempted not to go to the chapel,--"I will go; the Lord +may bless me one day, and soften my hard heart. "--His expectation has not +come to nothing. + +January 9. Brother Craik and I have preached during these eighteen +months, once a month, at Brislington, a village near Bristol, but have not +seen any fruit of our labours there. This led me, today, very earnestly to +pray to the Lord for the conversion of sinners in that place. I was also, +in the chapel, especially led to pray again about this, and asked the Lord +in particular that He would be pleased to convert, at least, one soul this +evening, that we might have a little encouragement. I preached with much +help, and I hope there has been good done this evening. [The Lord did +according to my request. There was, that evening, a young man brought to +the knowledge of the truth.] + +January 13. The Lord verified in our experience the truths which I had +preached last evening in speaking on "Hast thou not made an hedge about +him, and about his house, and about all that he hath, on every side?" Job +i. 10. Thieves attempted to break into Gideon Chapel. They had broken it +open, but were either smitten with blindness, so as not to see a certain +door which had been left unlocked, or were disturbed before accomplishing +their design; for there was nothing missing. + +January 14. I was greatly tried by the difficulty of fixing upon a text, +from which to preach, on the morning of October 20, and at last preached +without enjoyment. Today I heard of a NINTH instance in which this very +sermon has been blessed. May my brethren in the ministry of the Word be +encouraged by this to go quietly, yet prayerfully, forward in the work of +the Lord! + +January 31. This evening a Dorcas Society was formed among the sisters in +communion with us, but not according to the manner in which we found one +when we came to Bristol; for as we have dismissed all teachers from the +Sunday School who were not believers, so now believing females only will +meet together to make clothes for the poor. The being mixed up with +unbelievers had not only proved a barrier to spiritual conversation among +the sisters, but must have been also injurious to both parties in several +respects. One sister, now united to us in fellowship, acknowledged that +the being connected with the Dorcas Society, previous to her conversion, +had been, in a measure, the means of keeping her in security; as she +thought, that, by helping on such like things, she might gain heaven at +last. Oh that the saints in faithful love, according to the word of God, +(2 Cor. vi. 14-18) might be more separated, in all spiritual matters, from +unbelievers, and not be unequally yoked together with them! + +February 12. I prayed little, read little of the Word, and laboured +little to day. On the whole an unprofitable day. May the Lord in mercy +give me fervency of spirit! + +February 19. Brother Craik preached this evening on Mark iv. 30-41, and +was enabled to give out precious truths. Oh that I did feed more upon +them! For several weeks I have had very little real communion with the +Lord. I long for it. I am cold. I have little love to the Lord. But I am +not, yea, I cannot be satisfied with such a state of heart. Oh that once +more I might be brought to fervency of spirit, and that thus it might +continue with me forever! I long to go home that I maybe with the Lord, +and that I may love Him with all my heart. I fear that the Lord will +chastise me at the time of my dear wife's confinement. Lord Jesus, take +Thy miserable sinful servant soon to Thyself, that I may serve Thee +better! Within the last week I have repeatedly set out, as it were, +afresh; but soon, very soon, all has come again to nothing. The Lord alone +can help me. Oh that it might please Him to bring me into a more spiritual +state! + +February 20. By the mercy of God I was today melted into tears on account +of my state of heart. Oh that it might please the Lord to bring me into a +more spiritual state! February 21. Through the help of the Lord I am +rather in a better state of heart than for some time past.--I was led this +morning to form a plan for establishing, upon scriptural principles, an +Institution for the spread of the Gospel at home and abroad. I trust this +matter is of God.--This evening we had again, from six to half-past ten, a +meeting with inquirers. The work of the Lord is going on among us as much +as ever. Oh that our hearts might overflow with gratitude! Even after we +were worn out to the utmost, we could not see all, but had to send away +several individuals. + +February 25. The inquiries were so many yesterday, that though we +conversed more than four hours with them, we had to appoint another +meeting for today, and saw again several from two till five. I was led +again this day to pray about the forming of a new Missionary Institution, +and felt still more confirmed that we should do so. + +[Some readers may ask why we formed a new Institution for the spread of +the Gospel, and why we did not unite with some of the religious societies, +already in existence, seeing that there are several Missionary-, Bible-, +Tract-, and School Societies. I give, therefore, our reasons, in order to +show, that nothing but the desire to maintain a good conscience led us to +act as we did. For as, by the grace of God, we acknowledged the word of +God as the only rule of action for the disciples of the Lord Jesus, we +found, in comparing the then existing religious Societies with the word of +God, that they departed so far from it, that we could not be united with +them, and yet maintain a good conscience. I only mention here the +following points. + +1. The end which these religious societies propose to themselves, and +which is constantly put before their members, is, that the world will +gradually become better and better, and that at last the whole world will +be converted. To this end there is constantly reference made to the +passage in Habakkuk ii. 14. "For the earth shall be filled with the +knowledge of the glory of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea," or the +one in Isaiah xi. 9, "For the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the +Lord, as the waters cover the sea." But that these passages can have no +reference to the present dispensation, but to the one which will commence +with the return of the Lord, that in the present dispensation things will +not become spiritually better, but rather worse, and that in the present +dispensation it is not the whole world that will be converted, but only a +people gathered out from among the Gentiles for the Lord, is clear from +many passages of the divine testimony, of which I only refer to the +following: Matt. xiii. 24-30, and verse 36-43, 2 Tim. iii. 1-13, Acts. xv. +14. + +A hearty desire for the conversion of sinners, and earnest prayer for it +to the Lord, is quite scriptural; but it is unscriptural to expect the +conversion of the whole world. Such an end we could not propose to +ourselves in the service of the Lord. + +2. But that which is worse, is the connexion of those religious societies +with the world, which is completely contrary to the word of God (2 Cor. +vi. 14-18). In temporal things the children of God need, whilst they +remain here on earth, to make use of the world; but when the work to be +done requires, that those who attend to it should be possessed of +spiritual life (of which unbelievers are utterly destitute), the children +of God are bound, by their loyalty to their Lord, entirely to refrain from +association with the unregenerate. But alas! The connexion with the world +is but too marked in these religious societies; for every one who pays a +guinea, or, in some societies, half-a-guinea, is considered as a member. +Although such an individual may live in sin; although he may manifest to +every one that he does not know the Lord Jesus; if only the guinea or the +half-guinea be paid, he is considered a member, and has a right as such to +vote. Moreover, whoever pays a larger sum, for instance, L10. or L20. can +be, in many societies, a member for life, however openly sinful his life +should be for the time, or should became afterwards. Surely, such things +aught not to be! + +3. The means which are made use of in these religious societies, to +obtain money for the work of the Lord, are also, in other respects, +unscriptural; for it is a most common case to ask the unconverted for +money, which even Abraham would not have done (Genesis xiv. 21-24): and +how much less should we do it, who are not only forbidden to have +fellowship with unbelievers in all such matters (2 Cor. vi. 14-18), but +who are also in fellowship with the Father and the Son, and can therefore +obtain everything from the Lord which we possibly can need in His service, +without being obliged to go to the unconverted world! How altogether +differently the first disciples acted in this respect, we learn from 3 +John 7. + +4. Not merely, however, in these particulars is there a connexion with +the world in these religious societies; but it is not a rare thing for +even Committee Members (the individuals who manage the affairs of the +societies) to be manifestly unconverted persons, if not open enemies to +the truth; and this is suffered because they are rich, or of influence, as +it is called. + +5. It is a most common thing to endeavour to obtain for patrons and +presidents of these societies, and for chairmen at the public meetings, +persons of rank or wealth to attract the public. Never once have I known a +case of a POOR, but very devoted, wise, and experienced servant of Christ +being invited to fill the chair at such public meetings. Surely, the +Galilean fishermen, who were apostles, or our Lord Himself, who was called +the carpenter, would not have been called to this office, according to +these principles. These things ought not so to be among the disciples of +the Lord Jesus, who should not judge with reference to a person's fitness +for service in the Church of Christ by the position he fills in the world, +or by the wealth he possesses! + +6. Almost all these societies contract debts, so that it is a +comparatively rare case to read a Report of any of them, without finding +that they have expended more than they have received, which, however, is +contrary both to the spirit and to the letter of the New Testament. (Rom. +xiii. 8). + +Now, although brother Craik and I were ready, by the grace of God, +heartily to acknowledge that there are not only many true children of God +connected with these religious societies, but that the Lord has also +blessed their efforts in many respects, notwithstanding the existence of +these and other principles and practices which we judged to be +unscriptural, yet it appeared to us to be His will, that we should be +entirely separate from these societies, (though we should be considered as +singular persons, or though it should even appear that we despised other +persons, or would elevate ourselves above them), in order that, by the +blessing of God, we might direct the attention of the children of God in +these societies to their unscriptural practices; and we would rather be +entirely unconnected with these societies than act contrary to the Holy +Scriptures. We therefore separated entirely from them, although we +remained united in brotherly love with individual believers belonging to +them; and would by no means judge them for remaining in connexion with +them, if they do not see that such things are contrary to Scripture. But +seeing them to be so ourselves, we could not with a clear conscience +remain. After we had thus gone on for some time, we considered that it +would have an injurious tendency upon the brethren among whom we laboured, +and also be at variance with the spirit of the Gospel of Christ, if we did +nothing at all for Missionary objects, the circulation of the Holy +Scriptures, Tracts, etc.; and we were therefore led for these and other +reasons to do something for the spread of the Gospel at home and abroad, +however small the beginning might be. This was the origin of the +Institution, of which the following part of my Narrative speaks.] + +March 5. This evening, at a public meeting, brother Craik and I stated +the principles on which we intend to carry on the institution which we +propose to establish for the spread of the Gospel at home and abroad. +There was nothing outwardly influential, either in the number of people +present, or in our speeches. May the Lord graciously be pleased to grant +His blessing upon the institution, which will be called "The Scriptural +Knowledge Institutions for Home and Abroad." + +I. THE PRINCIPLES OF THE INSTITUTION. + +1. We consider every believer bound, in one way or other, to help the +cause of Christ, and we have Scriptural warrant for expecting the Lord's +blessing upon our work of faith and labour of love: and although, +according to Matt. xiii. 24-43, 2 Tim. iii. 1-13, and many other passages, +the world will not be converted before the coming of our Lord Jesus, +still, while He tarries; all Scriptural means ought to be employed for the +ingathering of the elect of God. + +2. The Lord helping us, we do not mean to seek the patronage of the +world; i.e., we never intend to ask unconverted persons of rank or wealth +to countenance this Institution, because this, we consider, would be +dishonourable to the Lord. In the name of our God we set up our banners, +Ps. xx. 5; He alone shall be our Patron, and if He helps us we shall +prosper, and if He is not on our side, we shall not succeed. + +3. We do not mean, to ask unbelievers for money (2 Cor. vi. 14-18); +though we do not feel ourselves warranted to refuse their contributions, +if they, of their own accord should offer them. Acts xxviii. 2-10. + +4. We reject altogether the help of unbelievers in managing or carrying +on the affairs of the Institution. 2 Cor, vi. 14-18. + +5. We intend never to enlarge the field of labour by contracting debts +(Rom. xiii. 8), and afterwards appealing to the Church of Christ for help, +because this we consider to be opposed both to the letter and the spirit +of the New Testament; but in secret prayer, God helping us, we shall carry +the wants of the Institution to the Lord, and act according to the means +that God shall give. + +6. We do not mean to reckon the success of the Institution by the amount +of money given, or the number of Bibles distributed, &c, but by the Lord's +blessing upon the work (Zech. iv. 6); and we expect this, in the +proportion in which He shall help us to wait upon Him in prayer. + +7. While we would avoid aiming after needless singularity, we desire to +go on simply according to Scripture, without compromising the truth; at +the same time thankfully receiving any instruction which experienced +Believers, after prayer, upon Scriptural ground, may have to give us +concerning the Institution. + +II. THE OBJECTS OF THE INSTITUTION ARE: + +1. To assist Day-Schools, Sunday-Schools, and Adult-Schools, in which +instruction is given upon Scriptural principles, and, as far as the Lord +may give the means, and supply us with suitable teachers, and in other +respects make our path plain, to establish Schools of this kind. + +a. By Day-Schools upon Scriptural principles, we understand Day Schools +in which the teachers are godly persons,--in which the way of salvation is +scripturally pointed out,--and in which no instruction is given opposed to +the principles of the gospel. + +b. Sunday-Schools, in which all the teachers are believers, and in which +the Holy Scriptures alone are the foundation of instruction,--are such +only as the Institution assists with the supply of Bibles, Testaments, +&c.; for we consider it unscriptural, that any persons, who do not profess +to know the Lord themselves, should be allowed to give religious +instruction. + +c. The Institution does not assist any Adult-Schools with the supply of +Bibles, Testaments, Spelling Books, &c., except the teachers are believers. + +2. To circulate the Holy Scriptures. + +We sell Bibles and Testaments to poor persons at a reduced price. But +while we, in general, think it better that the Scriptures should be sold, +and not given altogether gratis, still, in cases of extreme poverty, we +think it right to give, without payment, a cheap edition. + +3. The third object of this Institution is, to aid Missionary efforts. + +We desire to assist those Missionaries whose proceedings appear to be +most according to the Scriptures. It is proposed to give such a portion of +the amount of the donations to each of the fore-mentioned objects, as the +Lord may direct; but if none of the objects should claim a more particular +assistance, to lay out an equal portion upon each; yet so, that if any +donor desires to give for one of the objects exclusively, the money shall +be appropriated accordingly. + +March 7. Today we have only one shilling left. Many times also in Bristol +our purse has been either empty or nearly so, though we have not been +brought quite so low as it regards provisions, as was sometimes the case +at Teignmouth. This evening, when we came home from our work, we found a +brother, our tailor, waiting for us, who brought a new suit of clothes +both for brother Craik and me, which a brother, whose name was not to be +mentioned, had ordered for us. March 8. Our brother brought us this +evening also, from the same friend, a new hat for each of us. + +March 10. Some time since, a brother who had been brought to the +knowledge of the Lord through our instrumentality, having been previously +guilty of habitual drunkenness and other open sins, requested with tears +our prayers on behalf of his wife, who, like himself formerly, was still +given to drinking, and who grew worse and worse. About ten days, after he +had spoken to us, it pleased God to begin a work of grace in her heart, in +answer to the many prayers of her husband, and this evening she was added +to us in fellowship. There have come many instances before us, since we +have been in Bristol, in which unbelieving partners have been given to +believing ones, in answer to their prayers; yea, even such as had +threatened to murder their wives, or leave them, they would still continue +to go to our chapels. + +March 19. This afternoon at five, my wife was in much pain, which she +shortly afterwards considered as the token of her hour being near. I +therefore set off to call in a sister, and then I went for the nurse, and +my wife's sister, and our servant, who were at Clifton. The Lord having +graciously speeded all this, I went to Bethesda Chapel, where I had to +preach shortly after. I thought it better to spend the few minutes, which +I had before preaching, in prayer for my wife, than to return home again, +as I should have had to set off directly afterwards, believing that my +mind would be thus more quiet and calm, and that I also might thus help my +dearest wife much more effectually. The Lord most graciously kept me from +excitement and anxiety, so that I went in peace, preached in peace, and +walked home in peace, looking up to Jesus to prepare me for all that might +await me, as I remembered but too well the two former times of my wife's +confinement. I might have asked brother Craik to preach, and have gone +home; but I thought it more honouring the Lord to do His work. In walking +home, the following words were a particular refreshment to me:-- + +Make you His service your delight, + +Your wants shall be His care. + +When I came home, I heard the joyful news, that all was over, and that my +dear Mary had been delivered at twenty minutes past eight of a little boy. +Observe! 1. The Lord graciously sent the medical attendant and the nurse +(the latter nearly three miles off), in the right time. 2. The Lord put it +into my heart to honour Him, by preferring the care of His house to that +of my own, and thus He lovingly spared me three painful hours. May He be +pleased to give me grace more than ever to love and serve Him! + +March 31. Today the brethren and sisters in communion at Bethesda dined +together, having been invited by a sister; and in the evening the churches +of Gideon and Bethesda took tea together. Both times were refreshing +seasons. At dinner we were together from one till half past three, at tea +from five to nine. Both times we prayed repeatedly, sang hymns, read a +little of the Word, and several brethren spoke of the Lord's dealings with +them. + +April 3. Today I have had again much reason to see how weak I am, and how +prone to give way to every sin if I am not kept by God. May He have mercy +upon me, and keep me from bringing an open disgrace upon His holy name! O +wretched man that I am!! + +April 14. Brother and sister Craik and ourselves have been living +together hitherto; but now, as the Lord has given to them one child, and +to us two, and there are but six rooms in our house, so that of late dear +brother Craik and I have had repeatedly to go to another house to be +uninterrupted: we came at last to the conclusion, that it would be better +for our souls and the Lord's work that we should separate. April 15. Today +I received from several sisters 25l. towards furnishing a house. + +April 23. Yesterday and today I had asked the Lord to send us 20l., that +we might be able to procure a larger stock of Bibles and Testaments than +our small funds of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution would allow us to +purchase; and this evening a sister, unasked, promised to give us that +sum, adding that she felt a particular pleasure in circulating the Holy +Scriptures, as the simple reading of them had been the means of bringing +her to the knowledge of the Lord. + +April 26. We have repeatedly conversed about the name which we should +give to our babe; but, being unsettled about it, and considering that in +all our ways we ought to acknowledge the Lord, I gave myself today to +prayer concerning this matter, and the name Elijah, about which I never +had thought, was particularly, whilst praying, impressed on my mind, and +therefore we intend to name the child Elijah, i. e., my God is Jah, +Jehovah. May the Lord in mercy grant Elijah's spirit and Elijah's blessing +to our little one! + +May 4. Today 15l. more was given to me towards furnishing a house. Thus +the Lord has now graciously supplied our need in this particular also. May +13. Today 2l. more was given to us towards furnishing the house, and also +some carpet. May 15. Today we moved into our house, having lived nearly +two years with brother and sister Craik. + +June 4. Today a sister called on me, and I felt irritated at her staying, +after having given her to understand that I had but a few minutes time. I +sinned thus against the Lord. Help Thou me, blessed Jesus, in future! + +June 8. Lord's day. I obtained no text yesterday, notwithstanding +repeated prayer and reading of the Word. This morning I awoke with these +words:--"My grace is sufficient for thee." As soon as I had dressed +myself, I turned to 2 Cor. xii. to consider this passage; but in doing so, +after prayer, I was led to think that I had not been directed to this +portion for the sake of speaking on it as I at first thought, and I +therefore followed my usual practice in such cases, i. e., to read on in +the Scriptures where I left off last evening. In doing so, when I came to +Heb. xi. 13-16, I felt that this was the text. Having prayed, I was +confirmed in it, and in a few minutes the Lord was pleased to open this +passage to me. I preached on it with great enjoyment, both at Gideon and +at Bethesda, particularly in the evening at Bethesda. This help was +evidently from God. May He fill my heart with gratitude, and encourage me +by this, to trust in Him for the future! I now understand why those +words, "My grace is sufficient for thee," were brought to my mind when I +awoke this morning.--[It pleased God, as I have heard since, greatly to +bless what I said on that passage, and at least one soul was brought +through it to the Lord.] + +June 25. These last three days I have had very little real communion with +God, and have therefore been very weak spiritually, and have several times +felt irritability of temper. May God in mercy help me to have more secret +prayer!--Let none expect to have the mastery over his inward corruption in +any degree, without going in his weakness again and again to the Lord for +strength. Nor will prayer with others, or conversing with the brethren, +make up for secret prayer; for I had been engaged in both repeatedly, +during the three previous days, as my journal shows. + +June 26. I was enabled, by the grace of God, to rise early, and I had +nearly two hours in prayer before breakfast. I feel now this morning more +comfortable. May God in mercy help me to walk before Him this day, and to +do His work; and may He keep me from all evil! + +July 5. The Lord very mercifully kept us today from a great calamity, the +apron of our Christian servant having caught fire; but the fire was +extinguished, and she was kept from being burned! + +July 11. I have prayed much about a master for a boys' school, to be +established in connexion with our little Institution. Eight have applied +for the situation, but none seemed to be suitable. Now at last the Lord +has given us a brother, who will commence the work. The Lord allowed us to +call upon Him many times before He answered, but at last He granted our +request. + +July 13. Today we finished reading through the Scriptures, at family +prayer, the second time since we came to Bristol, which is little more +than two years. I mention this circumstance to show how often we may read +through the whole of the Scriptures, though we should read but little +every day, if we go regularly onward. + +August 18. Today brother Craik and I engaged a sister to be governess of +another girls' school, which we intend to establish, in dependence upon +the Lord for supplies. August 27. I had prayed repeatedly, and had read +ten chapters of the Word to get a text, but obtained none, and had to go +this evening to the chapel without knowing on what portion of His Holy +Word the Lord would have me to speak. At the commencement of the meeting I +was directed to Lament. iii. 22-26, on which I spoke with much assistance +and enjoyment. + +September 18. A brother, a tailor, was sent to measure me for new +clothes. My clothes are again getting old, and it is therefore very kind +of the Lord to provide thus. September 25. A brother sent me a new hat +today. + +October 9. Our little institution, established in dependence upon the +Lord, and supplied by Him with means, has now been seven months in +operation, and through it have been benefited with instruction,--1. In the +Sunday-School, about 120 children. 2. In the Adult-School, about 40 +Adults. 3. In the two Day-Schools for boys and, the two Day-Schools for +girls, 209 children, of whom 54 have been entirely free; the others pay +about one-third of the expense. There have been also circulated 482 +Bibles, and 520 New Testaments. Lastly, 57l. has been spent to aid +missionary exertions. The means which the Lord has sent us, as the fruit +of many prayers, during these seven months, amount to 167l. 10s. 0 1/2d. + +October 28. This afternoon brother Craik and I took tea with seven +brethren and sisters, whom the Lord has brought to a knowledge of Himself +through our instrumentality, within the last two years; all but one +belonging to the same family. We heard there a most affecting account of a +poor little orphan boy, who for some time attended one of our schools, and +who seems there, as far as we can judge, to have been brought to a real +concern about his soul, through what I said concerning the torments of +hell, and who some time ago was taken to the poor-house some miles out of +Bristol. He has expressed great sorrow that he can no longer attend our +school and ministry. May this, if it be the Lord's will, lead me to do +something also for the supply of the temporal wants of poor children, the +pressure of which has occasioned this poor boy to be taken away from our +school! + +November 1. Today, our means being completely gone, we had them supplied +in the following manner:--some time since some silver spoons were given +to us, which we never used, from the consideration, that for servants of +Christ it was better, for the sake of example, to use cheaper ones, and +for that reason we had sold our plate at Teignmouth. Yet up to this day +those spoons remained unsold. But now, as we wanted money, we disposed of +them, considering that the kind giver would not be displeased at our doing +so to supply our need. + +November 4. I spent the greater part of the morning in reading the Word +and in prayer, and asked also for our daily bread, for we have scarcely +any money left.--We obtained today two large school-rooms, which we much +needed. Thus the Lord graciously helps us concerning the Institution, and +gives us faith to go forward in the work, enlarging the field more and +more (though we have but little money), yet so that we do not contract +debts. + +November 5. I spent almost the whole of the day in prayer and reading the +Word. I prayed also again for the supply of our own temporal wants, but +the Lord has not as yet appeared. Still my eyes are up to Him. November 8. +Saturday. The Lord has graciously again supplied our temporal wants during +this week, though at the commencement of it we had but little left. I have +prayed much this week for money, more than any other week, as far as I +remember, since we have been in Bristol. The Lord has not answered our +prayers by causing means to be sent in the way of a gift, but has supplied +us through our selling what we did not need, or by our being paid what was +awed to us. + +December 10. Today we found that a departed brother had left both to +brother Craik and me 12l. December 31, 1834.--I. Since brother Craik and I +have been labouring in Bristol, 227 brethren and sisters have been added +to us in fellowship. We found 68 believers in the church at Gideon, so +that now the whole number would be 295, had there been no changes, but it +is only 257; for twelve have fallen asleep; six have left Bristol; twelve +have left the churches during the two years and six months, but are still +in Bristol; eight are under church discipline, respecting some of whom, +however, we hope that they maybe soon restored to communion. Of those 257, +there belong 125 to Bethesda church, and 132 to Gideon church. Out of the +227 who have been added to us, 103 have been converted through our +instrumentality, and many have been brought into the liberty of the +Gospel, or reclaimed from backsliding. Forty-seven young converts are at +Gideon, and fifty-six at Bethesda. Considering that some have fallen +asleep who never were in communion with us, and yet converted through our +instrumentality; and that some are united to other churches in and out of +Bristol; and that many are now standing as candidates for fellowship, of +those who have been given to us in this city, as seals to our ministry; +the number added may be only one-half, or two-thirds of the real number. +May the Lord fill our hearts with gratitude, for having thus condescended +to use us! II. The income which the Lord has given me during +this year is:-- + +1. My part of the freewill offerings through the boxes L135 13s. 2 1/4d. + +2. Money given to me by saints in and out of Bristol L92 7s. 6d. + +Altogether. . . L228 0s. 8 1/4d. + +3. Besides this, many articles in provisions, clothing, and furniture, +worth to us about L60 0s. 0d. + +January 1, 1835. We had last evening an especial prayer-meeting of the +two churches, and any other persons hat chose to attend, for the sake of +praising the Lord for all His many mercies which we have received during +the past year, and to ask Him to continue to us His favour during this +year also. It was open to any of the brethren to pray, as they felt +disposed, and eighteen did so, as I afterwards reckoned. We continued in +prayer and praise, mixed with singing, reading the Word, and exhortation, +from seven in the evening till one in the morning. January 13. From ten +till one in the first part of the day, and from six to half-past eight +this evening, I visited, from house to house, the people living in Orange +Street, and saw in this way the families living in nine houses, to +ascertain whether any individuals wanted Bibles, whether they could read, +whether they wished their children to be put to our Day-Schools or +Sunday-School, with the view of helping them accordingly. This afforded +opportunities to converse with them about their souls. In this way I sold +eight Bibles and two Testaments at reduced prices, and gave away one +Testament; engaged one woman as an adult scholar, one boy as a day +scholar; and spoke besides this to about thirty people about their +souls.--January 15. This morning, from ten till one, I went again from +house to house in Orange Street. I visited nine houses, sold a Bible and +Testament at reduced prices, and engaged, a few children for the +schools, and conversed with fifteen persons about their souls. I +should greatly delight in being frequently engaged in such work, for it +is a most important one; but our hands are so full with other work, that +we can do but little in this way.--January 17. Today brother +Groves arrived from the East Indies. One reason of his coming to +England is, to go to Germany to obtain missionary brethren for the +East Indies, having reason to believe that he will find them there; and +he asked me, on account of my acquaintance with the language, to +accompany him, that thus, through me, he may be enabled to judge about +the state of the brethren, and to communicate to them what +he thinks needful for them to know. This is a most +important work. May the Lord direct me in this matter, and make me +to act according to His will!--I received again today, after prayer +respecting the funds, 10l. for the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution.--January 21. Received, in answer to prayer, from an +unexpected quarter, 5l. for the Scriptural Knowledge Institution. +The Lord pours in, whilst we seek to pour out. For during the past +week, merely among the poor, in going from house to house, fifty-eight +copies of the Scriptures were sold at reduced prices, the going on +with which is most important, but it will require much means. + +January 28. I have, for these several days, again prayed much to +ascertain whether the Lord will have me to go as a missionary to the East +Indies, and I am most willing to go, if He will condescend to use me in +this way. January 29. I have been greatly stirred up to pray about going +to Calcutta as a missionary. May the Lord guide me in this matter! [After +all my repeated and earnest prayer in the commencement of 1835, and +willingness on my part to go, if it were the Lord's will, still He did not +send me.] + +February 4. I have been praying repeatedly and earnestly of late +respecting my journey to the Continent. I desire to go, or not to go, just +as the Lord will have it to be. May He graciously direct me! I feel the +same about going to India. As a means to ascertain the Lord's will, I have +been reading about the Hindoos, that I may know more clearly the state in +which they are. May the Lord in mercy stir me up to care more about their +state, whether it be His will that I should labour personally among them, +or not! + +February 16. I mentioned this evening, before the church at Bethesda, as +also on the 13th before the church at Gideon, that I see it the Lord's +will to go to the Continent, for the sake of assisting brother Groves by +my knowledge of the German language, in conferring with those who may +desire to go out as missionaries. There is not one believer amongst us who +sees any objection to it, and several have expressed that it seems to be +of the Lord, and that thus we could help, as churches, in the going forth +of missionaries. This is very comforting to me, as the Lord confirms me +still more, through this unanimity, in its being His will that I should go. + +February 25. In the name of the Lord, and in dependence upon Him alone +for support, we have established a fifth Day-School for poor children, +which today has been opened. We have now two boys' schools, and three +girls' schools. February 26. This afternoon I left Bristol for the +Continent. + +February 27. London. This morning I went to the Alien Office for my +passport. On entering the office I saw a printed paper, in which it is +stated that every alien neglecting to renew, every six months, his +certificate of residence which he receives on depositing his passport, +subjects himself to a penalty of L50, or imprisonment. This law I have +ignorantly broken ever since I left London in 1829. It appeared to me much +better to confess at once that I had ignorantly done so, than now +willfully break it; trusting in the Lord as it regarded the consequences +of the step. I did so, and the Lord inclined the heart of the officer with +whom I had to do, to pass over my noncompliance with the law, on account +of my having broken it ignorantly. Having obtained my passport, I found an +unexpected difficulty in the Prussian ambassador refusing to sign it, as +it did not contain a description of my person, and therefore I needed to +prove that I was the individual spoken of in the passport. This difficulty +was not removed for three days, when, after earnest prayer, through a +paper signed by same citizens of London, to whom I am known, the +ambassador was satisfied. This very difficulty, when once the Lord had +removed it, afforded me cause for thanksgiving; for I now obtained a new +passport, worded in such a way, that, should I ever need it again, will +prevent similar difficulties. + +March 3. This evening I preached comfortably in Johnstreet Chapel, for +Brother Evans. I never preached in any place where I so much felt that he +who statedly ministers was more worthy than myself. This feeling led me to +earnest prayer, and the Lord heard and assisted me. + +March 7. Dover. Last evening I left London, and arrived here this +morning. The Lord enabled me to confess Him before my fellow-passengers. I +have had a good deal of prayer and reading the Word in quietness, though +staying in an hotel.--March 8. I preached this morning and evening +comfortably in one of the chapels at Dover. March 9. All this day too we +have been obliged to remain at Dover, the sea being so rough that no +packet sails. I spent the day in writing letters, in reading the Word, and +in prayer. We depend entirely upon the Lord as it regards our movements. +This evening we asked the Lord twice, unitedly, that He would be pleased +to calm the wind and the waves, and I now feel quite comfortable in +leaving the matter with Him! + +March 10. The Lord heard our prayer. We awake early in the morning, and +found the wind comparatively calm. We left the hotel before break of day, +to go to the packet. All being in great hurry, on our way towards the sea, +I was separated from brothers G. and Y. I now lifted up my heart to the +Lord, as He generally helps me to do on such occasions, to direct my steps +towards the boat which went out to meet the packet, and I found it almost +immediately. We had, in answer to prayer, a good passage. At Calais we +obtained our passports, luggage out of the custom house, and places in the +diligence without difficulty, and left a little after ten in the morning +for Paris. What a blessed thing it is, in all such matters, to have a +Father to go to for help! What a different thing, also, to travel in the +service of the Lord Jesus, from what it is to travel in the service of the +flesh! + +March 11. Paris. We arrived here about ten this evening. March 12. Today +we went about our passports, and I saw thus a good deal of the best part +of Paris. Blessed be God, my heart is above these things! If ten years +ago, when my poor foolish heart was full of Paris, I had come here, how +should I have been taken up with these palaces, &c.; but now I look at +these things, and my heart does not care about them, What a difference +grace makes! There were few people, perhaps, more passionately fond of +traveling, and seeing fresh places, and new scenes, than myself; but now, +since, by the grace of God, I have seen beauty in the Lord Jesus, I have +lost my taste for these things. + +March 13. We again found difficulty in obtaining our passports, arising, +probably, from a mistake of the police officers. May the Lord order this +matter so, that it shall be for our real welfare!--March 14. By the help +of the Lord we obtained our passports, and brother Groves and I took our +places in the Malle Poste for Strasburg, to leave tomorrow evening. +Brother Y. intends to remain here a few days, on account of his health. + +March 15. This morning I preached in a little chapel in Palais Royal. We +left Paris this evening at six.--March 17. From six o'clock in the evening +of the 15th, till this afternoon at half-past one, when we arrived at +Strasburg, We were continually shut up in the Malle Poste, with the +exception of yesterday morning about seven, and last night about eleven, +when we were allowed half an hour for our meals. I had refreshing +communion with my beloved brother. This quickest of all conveyances in +France carries only two passengers, and we were thus able freely to +converse and to pray together, which was refreshing indeed. Though we had +traveled forty-four hours, yet as we had soon finished our business at +Strasburg, we left this evening for Basle, trusting in the Lord for +strength for the third night's traveling. A little after we had started, +we stuck fast in a new road. I lifted up my heart to the Lord, and we were +soon delivered, otherwise the circumstance, in a cold night, and during a +fall of snow, would have been trying, as we had to get out of the mail. I +now found myself again, after six years, amidst fellow-passengers who +spoke my native language; but alas! they spoke not for Christ. + +March 18. This afternoon we arrived at Basle, where we were very kindly +received by the brethren.--March 23. Basle. These six days we have received +great kindness from the brethren. The Lord has given me an opportunity of +bringing before several who are already engaged in the ministry of the +Word, and before many who intend to give themselves to this work, many +important truths, so that in these opportunities I have been richly repaid +for the journey. This morning I conversed also with three brethren, +journeymen, who have a desire to give themselves to missionary work; but +nothing could be decided now. I awake very faint, but have been mercifully +helped through the work. Brother Groves intends to go to Geneva, and I to +Tubingen, in order to become acquainted with a brother, a student, who is +likely to go out with Brother Groves as a tutor to his sons, and to +combine with this, missionary service. + +During my stay at Basle I attended one day a meeting at which a venerable +pious clergyman expounded the Greek New Testament to several brethren, who +purposed to give themselves to missionary service. The passage to which +this dear aged brother had then come, in the original of the New +Testament, was 1 Peter iii. 1, 2, which, in our English translation, reads +thus: "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if +any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the +conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation +coupled with fear." After this aged brother had expounded the passage, he +related a circumstance which had occurred in his own days, and under his +own eyes, at Basle, which has appeared to me so encouraging for those +children of God who have unbelieving relatives, and especially for sisters +in the Lord who have unbelieving husbands; and which, at the same time, is +such a beautiful illustration of 1 Peter iii, 1.; that I judge it +desirable to insert the narrative of this fact here. I will do so as +exactly as I remember it. There lived at Basle an opulent citizen, whose +wife was a believer, but he himself feared not the Lord. His practice was, +to spend his evenings in a wine-house, where he would often tarry till +eleven, twelve, or even one o'clock. On such occasions his wife always +used to send her servants to bed, and sat up herself; to await the return +of her husband. When at last he came, she used to receive him most kindly, +never reproach him in the least, either at the time or afterwards, nor +complain at all on account of his late hours, by which she was kept from +seasonable rest. Moreover, if it should be needful to assist him in +undressing himself, when he had drunk to excess, she would do this also in +a very kind and meek way. Thus it went on for a long time. One evening, +this gentleman was again, as usual, in a wine-house, and having tarried +there with his merry companions till midnight, he said to them: "I bet, +that if we go to my house, we shall find my wife sitting up and waiting +for me, and she herself will come to the door and receive us very kindly; +and if I ask her to prepare us a supper, she will do it at once without +the least murmur, or unkind expression, or look." His companions in sin +did not believe his statement. At last, however, after some more +conversation about this strange statement, (as it appeared to them,) it +was agreed that they would all go, to see this kind wife. Accordingly they +went, and, after they had knocked, found the door immediately opened by +the lady herself, and they were all courteously and kindly received by +her. The party having entered, the master of the house asked his wife to +prepare supper for them, which she, in the meekest way, at once agreed to +do; and, after awhile, supper was served by herself; without the least +sign of dissatisfaction, or murmur, or complaint. Having now prepared all +for the company, she retired from the party to her room. When she had left +the party, one of the gentlemen said: "What a wicked and cruel man you +are, thus to torment so kind a wife." He then took his hat and stick, and, +without touching a morsel of the supper, went away. Another made a similar +remark, and left, without touching the supper. Thus one after another +left, till they were all gone, without tasting the supper. The master of +the house was now left alone, and the Spirit of God brought before him all +his dreadful wickedness, and especially his great sins towards his wife; +and the party had not left the house half an hour, before he went to his +wife's room, requesting her to pray for him, told her that he felt himself +a great sinner, and asked her forgiveness for all his behaviour towards +her. From that time he became a disciple of the Lord Jesus. + +Observe here, dear reader, the following points in particular, which I +affectionately commend to your consideration: 1, The wife acted in +accordance with 1 Peter iii. 1. She kept her place as being in subjection, +and the Lord owned it. 2, She reproached not her husband, but meekly and +kindly served him when he used to come home. 3, She did not allow the +servants to sit up for their master, but sat up herself; thus honouring +him as her head and superior, and concealed also, as far as she was able, +her husband's shame from the servants. 4, In all probability a part of +those hours, during which she had to sit up, was spent in prayer for her +husband, or in reading the word of God, to gather fresh strength for all +the trials connected with her position. But whether this was the case or +not, it is certain that thus, under similar circumstances, the time might +be spent, and it would then indeed be spent profitably. 5, Be not +discouraged if you have to suffer from unconverted relatives. Perhaps very +shortly the Lord may give you the desire of your heart, and answer your +prayer for them; but in the meantime seek to commend the truth, not by +reproaching them on account of their behaviour towards you, but by +manifesting towards them the meekness, gentleness, and kindness of the +Lord Jesus Christ. + +March 25. Tubingen in Wirtemberg. The day before yesterday I left Basle +in the afternoon. The Lord enabled me to confess Him before a young man +and his wife, who were going to Vienna to increase their riches. What a +mercy that grace has made me to differ, and that I travel the service of +another master! They listened very attentively, and were not at all +opposed. They also esteem the people of God, and have been in the habit of +meeting with them. Our parting was very affectionate and solemn, after I +had charged them to care earnestly about the one thing needful. + +I arrived, yesterday morning at six, at Schaffhausen. I found a brother +waiting for me at the post office, a gentleman of title, who, having been +informed by brethren at Basle of my arrival, kindly took me to his house +for the two hours I had to stay in that town, to refresh my body with +breakfast, and my soul with communion with the brethren whom he had +invited to meet me. I was in this town about ten years ago. I was now +again within a short distance of the fall of the Rhine, which was then +most attractive to me. Now I considered that my time could be spent much +more profitably than by going there. The little time that I was at +Schaffhausen, I received much information concerning the state of the +church in many parts of the Continent, from a believing physician and a +clergyman; and I also communicated things which, with God's blessing, may +be profitable. After this I continued my journey to Tubingen. It was with +peculiar feelings; for all this way I had traversed nearly ten years ago, +to gratify my natural desire for travelling, and now I went over the same +ground in the service of the Lord Jesus. + +I arrived here this morning at nine, having been strengthened to travel +two nights and a day and a half, though I left Basle very weak. This +morning I saw brother Gundert, the student of divinity, on whose account I +am here, and spent about three hours in conversation with him. Afterwards +I called on a Christian professor in the university, who received me +kindly. This evening I had a meeting with the believing students, for whom +the Lord gave me a word. + +March 26. This morning I drove with brother Gundert to Stuttgart, both +for the sake of seeing more of him, and also that we might unitedly talk +over the matter with his father, who lives there. I am now staying at the +house of brother Gundert senior, where I am kindly lodged. I think brother +Gundert junior, will go to the East Indies. His father is not only willing +to give him up for the Lord's sake, but seems to consider it an honour to +have a son to give to the Lord in this way. This evening I again met +several brethren, to whom I spoke about the things of God. + +March 30. Halle. From the evening of the 27th till this afternoon, when I +arrived here, I have traveled day and night, and have been strengthened by +the Lord for it. The whole of this way, several hundred miles, I had gone +step by step before. My thoughts were peculiarly affecting, as I retraced +the mercies which I had experienced at the hands of God.--The Lord enabled +me repeatedly to confess His name before my changing fellow-travelers. A +student spoke to me about the peculiarly good and cheap wine of Weinheim, +near Heidelberg. I told him that when, years ago, as a student like +himself, I came through that place, I cared about such things, but that +now I knew what was much better than wine.--Yesterday a Frenchman, having +heard my testimony for Jesus once or twice, when the last merry companion +had left the coach, quitted my society, it being too dull for him, and +joined himself to an officer in the army, sitting in the forepart of the +coach. (The coach was divided into the forepart and inside.) This gave me +a blessed and most refreshing opportunity to pray for about an hour aloud +in the coach, which strengthened and refreshed my soul. It was +particularly kind of the Lord to give me an opportunity of praying aloud, +as, on account of having then already traveled forty-eight hours +uninterruptedly, my body was too tired to allow me to continue for any +length of time in mental prayer.--Yesterday afternoon, at Eisenach +(situated just under the hill on which stands the decayed castle called +the Wartburg, where Luther translated the Holy Scriptures), I saw fearful +scenes of profanity. How has the candlestick been removed!--This afternoon +I reached Halle, where it pleased the Lord to bring me to the knowledge of +Himself, having been graciously preserved hitherto, though a spring was +found broken when I got out of the mail. I greatly needed rest, but my +heart was too full. I could not sleep. I went first to the house of the +brother, where I was first impressed, and afterwards I called on my +esteemed tutor, professor Dr. Tholuck, counsellor of the Consistory, who +received me, after seven years' separation, with his former kindness and +brotherly love. (He made me lodge with him, and gave thereby a testimony +that differences of views, concerning certain parts of God's truth, ought +not to separate the children of God; for I had written to him my mind from +Bristol two years before.) + +March 31. Today I rode with Dr. Tholuck and two young brethren to a +believing clergyman, living in the neighbourhood of Halle, where we spent +the day. Dr. Tholuck told me many encouraging things, particularly this, +that several of my former fellow-students, who, at the time when I was at +Halle, knew not the Lord, had been brought to know Him since, and are now +labouring in His vineyard. And further, that certain brethren, formerly +very weak in the faith, had been established, and are now going on well. +May this encourage the heart of the believing reader still to pray for his +unconverted friends, and may it strengthen him to hope for better days +concerning those of his brethren in the Lord who are now weak in the faith! + +April 1. Today I saw a clergyman, in whom I recognized an individual who +studied at Halle, whilst I was there, living then in open sin, and who is +now, by divine mercy, pointing sinners to the Lamb of God. In the evening +I went to the large Orphan-house, built, in dependence on the Lord, by A. +H. Franke, to see one of the classical teachers, who is the son of my +father's neighbour, and whom I had not seen for about fifteen years. I +found him, to the joy of my heart, to be a brother in the Lord. This +evening I spent in the same room where it pleased the Lord to begin a work +of grace in my heart, with several of the same brethren and sisters with +whom I used to meet seven years ago, and told them of the Lord's +faithfulness, gentleness, kindness, and forbearance towards me, since I +had seen them last. Truly how good has the Lord been to me since! + +April 2. This morning I again spent in calling on the brethren and +sisters, being enabled, every where, before learned and unlearned, to +testify about the blessedness of adhering to the Scriptures as our only +guide in spiritual things. I left Halle this afternoon, having received +much love from the brethren, and drove fifteen miles further, to a beloved +brother and old friend, brother Stahlschmidt at Sandersleben, who has +shown me much kindness even since I have been in England. I was received +with much love by this brother and his dear wife, and his man servant, +also a beloved brother. [This brother (the man servant) I met fifty-four +years ago at Gnadau, a Moravian settlement, where I several times spent a +few days for the refreshment of my soul, to which place he also came, a +distance of about forty-five miles, for the same purpose. He was then +living with a farmer, ploughing his fields, &c. At that time our hearts +were knit together; for I wish it to be understood by any unconverted +reader, that, whilst I should at one time have looked with scorn upon such +a person, if he had attempted to be familiar with me, now the love of +Jesus, in whom we were one, filled my heart with love to him, and these +outward distinctions were broken down. In consequence of this +acquaintance, he wrote me several letters to Halle, and I wrote to him. +Those letters were particularly refreshing and spiritual, and therefore I +read them to other brethren, and also to brother Stahlschmidt, a wine +merchant. On account of this, he had a great desire to have brother Kroll +living in his house. The Lord, after a time, brought it about, and this +brother lived with him above forty years, and was a friend, a brother, and +a most faithful servant to this merchant, so that his considerable +business was in a great measure intrusted to him; and yet he treated his +master with all due respect, and kept his place as a servant. This latter +point is very important, and brings glory to God. For whilst a believing +master should treat a believing servant with all kindness and brotherly +love; yet the believing servant should with all obedience, with all +faithfulness, and particularly with due respect, treat his believing +master or mistress.] + +April 3. Sandersleben. Today I saw several brethren and sisters, and +among others a brother, who is in about the same state in which he was +eight years ago. He has very little enjoyment, and makes no progress in +the things of God. The reason is, that, against his conscience, he remains +in a calling, which is opposed to the profession of a believer. We are +exhorted in Scripture to abide in our calling; but only if we can abide in +it "with God." 1 Cor. vii. 24.--This evening a believing clergyman, and the +brethren and sisters of this small town and some neighbouring villages, +were collected together in brother Stahlschmidt's house, and I spoke to +them for two hours about the things of God, particularly about the way in +which God has led me, since I saw them, and sought to strengthen their +hands in God, and exhorted them to give themselves fully to the Lord. It +was a time of refreshing. Indeed, the Lord has greatly refreshed my own +soul, at Basle, Tubingen, Stuttgart, Halle, and elsewhere, whenever I have +spoken well of His name. The child of God should make it his particular +business to encourage sinners to seek after the Lord, and to increase the +faith and love of the brethren, through speaking well of the name of the +Lord. + +April 4. I left Sandersleben this morning. My brother and host acted +according to 3 John, 5 and 6; for he sent me on ten miles in his carriage. + +When I arrived at Aschersleben, to which place brother Stahlschmidt had +conveyed me, I had but one station more to my father's house. On the way I +asked the driver about a certain individual, with whom I studied at Halle, +once a companion with me in open sin. I found that he is still in the same +state. What a difference has grace made between him and me! Nothing, +nothing but grace has made this difference! I, guilty sinner, might now be +still on the same road, and he, in my room, might have been plucked as a +brand out of the fire. But it is not so. May the Lord help me to love him +much, very much, for His distinguishing grace!--Such feelings I had in +particular this afternoon, when I saw the town before me in which my +father lives, as there are but two in the whole place, as far as I can +find out, who love the Lord. How different is everything with me now from +what it was when, as a wicked youth, I used to go to this town, at the +time of my vacation. How truly happy am I now! How is my heart now raised +above all those things in which I sought, and also fancied I found +happiness! Truly all these things are like bubbles to me now! My heart is +not here; yea, my heart is not even in England. My heart is, at least in a +measure, in heaven, though I am still nothing but a poor weak worm. I felt +the solemnity and importance of having once more the privilege of seeing +my aged father. I also felt the importance of being at the place, where I +had spent much of my time in my youth, and where I had been known as +living in sin. My desire was, that I might be enabled to walk, the three +days I intended to stay there, as it becomes a servant of Christ. For this +I had been led to prayer before I left Bristol, and since I have been on +the Continent. At last I arrived at my father's house. How affecting to +meet him once more! + +April 5. Heimersleben. This afternoon a friend of my father called-one +who knows not the Lord. After a few minutes the Lord gave me an +opportunity of setting before him the fundamental truths of the Gospel, +and the joy and comfort they afford, and have afforded to me. Thus a way +was opened to me of stating the truth more fully than ever I had been able +to do before, by word of mouth, in the presence of my father and brother, +without saying to them, "Thou art the man." I was assisted by the Lord. +May He water the seed sown! This evening I went to the only two brethren +in this little town, thus to own them as such. It has appeared well to me +to call on none whom I know, else I should be expected to call on all; and +as I see it right to spend but three days here, I consider that that +little time should be wholly given to my father, as it may be the last +time that I shall see him; yet, at the same time, I judged that it was +well pleasing in the sight of the Lord, that I should call on these +brethren to strengthen their hands. + +When I saw these brethren last, in February, 1829, two or three more used +to meet with them; but since then the reproach of the cross has driven the +others back into the world. From that time, these brethren have scarcely +seen a believer, and never hear the Gospel preached; it was therefore a +great joy to them to see me. They told me that the Lord had blessed my +last visit to them; and having been informed of my coming, they were +prepared to ask me many questions. One of them, Knabe, about thirty years +ago being possessed of property, was persuaded to lay it out in coal +mines. He joined with two men who spent his property, and after some time +they became bankrupts, so that there was not money enough to pay the +workmen and some other creditors, even after all their goods had been +sold. This evening brother Knabe asked me what he ought to do about the +money which had been left unpaid three and twenty years; whether he was +still under an obligation to pay it, if he could. My answer was at once +that he was, being in the sight of the Lord still a debtor, though cleared +by the laws of men. He then told me, that some years since some property +was left to him, and that he also, in the years 1816, 1817, and 1818, when +the corn prices were very high, had laid by some money, and that therefore +he was fully able to pay the debt. He saw immediately that this was the +right way, and said that he would act accordingly. He added that now he +saw why he had made so little progress in divine things. I have learned +that this brother has lately taken two destitute orphans into his house, +whom he entirely supports by the labour of his hands (he earns his bread +by thrashing corn), and that the people, though they consider him, on +account of his love for the Lord, a weak and foolish person, yet look upon +him with respect. + +April 6. I spent this morning in answering questions which my father put +to me about secular things in England. This I did for the following +reasons:--1. I had scarcely ever spoken about these things in my letters, +indeed so little, that my father told me, he had often intended to ask me +whether it was forbidden in England to send letters abroad about such +matters, as I never wrote about them. I had refrained from doing so, +partly, on account of want of time; and, partly, because I had better +things to write about, wishing to direct his mind to the things of God. 2. +Now, however, I spoke on these subjects, because I particularly desired to +be as kind, affectionate, and obliging as I conscientiously could, +considering that this was the testimony I was especially called on to +give. Formerly I had much pressed the things of God on him, and not with +sufficient tenderness, knowing not then experimentally the helplessness of +the creature. After it had pleased the Lord to show me the truth more +clearly, in the summer of 1829, I wrote in a different way; but in the +commencement of the year 1833 I felt pressed in spirit once more, most +fully, not so much as a son, but as a servant of Christ, to write, and to +point out to him minutely his state, showing him the danger of his soul, +the grounds of which I fully laid before him. When this, as formerly, +greatly displeased him, I ceased to speak any more in this way, and from +that time I aimed and still aim more and more to show him love in action, +as it becomes a believing son, telling him only how happy I am--how I am +supported under such and such trials--how I am not caring about certain +things as formerly I did--in what an awful state I was once living, and how +God brought me out of it; and how any sinner, by forsaking his evil ways, +and believing on the Lord Jesus, may be brought to the same joy and +happiness, and what a delight it would be to me to meet my father at last +in heaven, &c. Since I have corresponded with him in this way, things have +been very comfortable, though I have brought as much truth before him as +formerly, and though I have never sent a letter without speaking, +comparatively, much about these things. On the same ground I have not on +this visit spoken directly to my father about the state of his soul, +though he has more than ever heard the truth from my lips. God has indeed +been with me, and I believe that I have been led by Him to pursue this +course. Different, however, has been the way in which I have dealt with my +unconverted brother; for the relationship in which I stand to him is a +different one. For this afternoon, I not only pointed out to him his +danger, but spoke also respecting his sins, and have done so in my +letters, and intend to do so still, if the Lord permit. + +This afternoon brother Knabe called on me. He told me that he had already +experienced a trial on account of his intention to pay the money, as his +wife tried to keep him from it, by endeavouring to persuade him that God +does not require him to do such a thing, as he has taken two orphan +children into his house. He nevertheless is determined to do it. He saw, +however, another difficulty, which was, that, when he looked over the +papers containing the names of his creditors, it was found that all but +three, out of about thirty, were dead, and he did not know what to do +concerning them. I told him to go to those places where his creditors used +to live, and he might find, perhaps, some needy widows and fatherless +children, whom they had left behind; and, if not, he should inquire after +the lawful heirs, and pay the money to them. He saw with me, and declared +his full intention to do so, whatever it might cost, and seemed truly glad +that God at last, through my advice, had delivered him from this burden; +for from time to time the matter had pressed on his conscience that he +ought to do it.--I spent this evening in relating to my father and brother +some of the Lord's dealings with me in England, particularly how He has +graciously provided for my temporal wants in answer to prayer, and they +both seemed to feel, for the moment at least the blessedness of +such a life. + +April 7. I saw brother Knabe this morning, who is still determined to pay +the money, though tried by his wife. I exhorted him to steadfastness. I +also saw some persons who called on me to hear about England, for every +one of whom the Lord gave me a word without any effort. It was especially +so last night. A friend of my father, a Roman Catholic, called, and I was +enabled to set the truths of the gospel before him, with their blessed +effects, without entering upon the Roman Catholic controversy.--A part of +this morning I spent in walking about with my father to see one of his +gardens, and some of his fields, because I knew it would give him +pleasure; and I felt that I ought in every way to show him kindness and +attention, as far as I conscientiously could. Tomorrow, God willing, I +intend to leave, and to return to England. The Lord, in His rich mercy, in +answer to my prayer, has enabled me so to walk before my father, and has +also impressed what I have said so far upon his heart, as to cause him to +say today, "May God help me to follow your example, and to act according +to what you have said to me." + +April 9. Celle. Yesterday morning I drove with my father to Halberstadt, +where, with many tears, he separated from me. I was alone in the mail, +which was a great comfort to me. It was a solemn time. I found myself +again on the road to Brunswick, which I had traversed twice in the service +of the devil, and now I was traveling on it in the name of Jesus. I +discerned, in passing, the inn at Wolfenbuttel, from whence I intended to +run away, and where I was arrested. How peculiar were my feelings! In the +evening we reached Brunswick, from whence we started the same night. +During the night I heard a fearfully wicked, most profligate, infidel, and +scoffing conversation between the conducteur and a student, and the only +testimony I gave was, complete silence all the time. I arrived here this +morning at eight, and have been here all the morning, as the mail will not +start for Hamburg until four this afternoon. It has been far from well +with me in my soul today. That awful conversation last night has been +spiritual poison to me. How's very soon do we, even unconsciously, receive +evil! + +April 10. Hamburg. I arrived here at ten this morning.--April 11. I went +on board last night, and at twelve we sailed. This morning at half-past +eleven we arrived at Cuxhaven, where we cast anchor, on account of a +strong contrary wind.--April 13. Though I desired as much, perhaps, as any +of the passengers speedily to get to the end of our voyage, longing to get +back again to my work in Bristol, and also to my wife and children, yet I +was kept in peace; and whilst some murmured at the contrary wind, the Lord +enabled me to lift up my heart in prayer that He would calm it, if it were +His holy will, and, accordingly, after a delay of about nineteen hours, we +plied again yesterday morning, at seven. At ten I was taken with sea +sickness, from which I had been kept during my four previous short voyages +in answer to prayer; but this time I on purpose refrained from praying +about it, as I did not know whether it was better for my health to be +seasick or not. The sickness continued the whole of yesterday. Today I am +well. We have fine and calm weather. I consider it a mercy that the Lord +has allowed me to be sea-sick. + +April 15. Bristol. Yesterday at one we landed in London. In answer to +prayer I soon obtained my things from the Custom-house, and reached my +friends in Chancery Lane a little before two, where I found a letter from +my wife, stating that brother Craik is ill, having an inflammation in the +wind-pipe, and therefore, humanly speaking, will be unable to preach for +some time. In consequence of this I started immediately for Bristol, where +I arrived this morning. I found brother Craik better than I had expected, +though completely unable to attend to the ministry of the Word. + +April 16. Today brother Craik and I received 11l. 15s. 9d. each, being a +legacy left to us some time since. We said once or twice to one another, +that perhaps this money might be paid at a time when we much needed it. +And so it is just now. May I and all my brethren leave the management of +all our affairs entirely to the Lord, who best knows what is good for us; +and may it be our concern to seek first the kingdom of God and His +righteousness, and all temporal supplies shall be added to us! + +May 1. I went to see brother Craik, and found him better, but heard from +his medical attendant that he ought not to preach for several months. May +5. My father-in-law has been for several days very ill. May 15. Mr. Groves +continues very ill. May 29. This morning brother Craik went into +Devonshire for change of air. + +June 3. Today we had a public meeting on account of the Scriptural +Knowledge Institution for home and abroad. It is now fifteen months, +since, in dependence upon the Lord for the supply of means, we have been +enabled to provide poor children with schooling, circulate the Holy +Scriptures, and aid missionary labours. During this time, though the field +of labour has been continually enlarged, and though we have now and then +been brought low in funds, the Lord has never allowed us to be obliged to +stop the work. We have been enabled during this time to establish three +day-schools, and to connect with the Institution two other charity +day-schools, which, humanly speaking, otherwise would have been closed for +want of means. In addition to this, the expenses connected with a +Sunday-school and an adult school have been likewise defrayed, making seven +schools altogether. The number of the children that have been thus +provided with schooling, in the day-schools only, amounts to 439. The +number of copies of the Holy Scriptures, which have been circulated, is +795 Bibles and 753 New Testaments. We have also sent, in aid of missionary +labours in Canada, in the East Indies, and on the Continent of Europe, +117l. 11s. The whole amount of the free-will offerings put into our hands +for carrying on this work, from March 5, 1834, to May 19, 1835, is 363l. +12s. 0 3/4d. + +June 20. Our father is evidently today near his end. June 22. This +morning at two our father died. June 23. Both our children are ill. June +24. Our little boy is very ill. June 25. The dear little boy is so ill, +that I have no hope of his recovery. The disease is inflammation on the +chest. I spoke this evening comfortably at Gideon, on Psalm cxlv. 1-4, +thinking it right that neither the death of my father-in-law, nor my dying +child should keep me from the Lord's work. The Lord's holy will be done +concerning the dear little one. June 26. My prayer last evening was, that +God would be pleased to support my dear wife under the trial, should He +remove the little one; and to take him soon to Himself, thus sparing him +from suffering. I did not pray for the child's recovery. It was but two +hours after that the dear little one went home. The eldest and the +youngest the Lord has thus removed from our family in the same week. My +dear Mary feels her loss much, but yet is greatly supported. As to myself, +I am so fully enabled to realize that the dear infant is so much better +off with the Lord Jesus than with us, that I scarcely feel the loss at +all, and when I weep, I weep for joy. + +June 27. My dear wife is graciously supported. May the Lord grant that +these afflictions may not be lost upon us! June 28. I preached today both +times comfortably. June 29. This morning was the funeral. The remains of +our father and infant were put into the same grave. + +July 3. Our taxes are due, and may be called for any day, and for the +first time we have no money to pay them, as we were obliged, on account of +our late afflictions, to spend the money which we had put by for them. May +the Lord in mercy provide! July 6. I was enabled today, by the free-will +offerings through the boxes, and by what I had left, to pay the taxes +before they were called for. How kind of the Lord to answer my prayer so +soon! July 8. This evening I had 5l. sent from Weston-super-Mare. So the +Lord has again appeared. May I praise His holy name for this seasonable +help, which came when I had scarcely any money left! July 14. Today I had +again a suit of new clothes given to me by a brother. My clothes were much +worn and old, and our late funeral might have given a second reason for +having new ones. But I did not order any, because I had no money to pay +for them, and thought it wrong to contract debts.--A fresh paper was +brought in today for taxes, which ought to have been asked for many months +since. May the Lord give us the means to pay them! + +July 15. We had again an especial prayer-meeting for the restoration of +brother Craik, who, though well in his general health, is yet unable to +preach, or even to converse for any length of time. July 18. I have felt +for several days weak in my chest. This weakness has been increasing, and +today I have felt it more than ever. I have thought it well to refrain +next week from all public speaking. May the Lord grant that I may be +brought nearer to Him through this, for I am not at all in the state in +which I ought to be, and I think sometimes that our late afflictions have +been lost upon me, and that the Lord will need to chastise me severely. + +July 22. The last mentioned taxes were called for this morning, just +after the Lord had sent us 5l., from a distance of about eighty miles. So +the Lord has again of late, repeatedly, in answer to prayer, sent help. +May this lead us to trust in Him for the future! July 28. Since the 14th I +have felt unwell, and though sometimes a little better, on the whole I +have been getting worse and worse. This morning I have seen our medical +attendant, who thinks that all the disease arises from a disordered +stomach. + + + +July 31. Today brother C-r, formerly a minister in the establishment, who +came to us a few days since, began, in connexion with the Scriptural +Knowledge Institution, to go from house to house, to spread the truth as a +city missionary. [This was a remarkable interposition of God. Brother +Craik had before this, for some months, been unable on account of bodily +infirmity, to labour in the work of the schools, the circulation of the +Scriptures, &c., and my own weakness, shortly after brother C-r's arrival, +increased so that I was obliged to give up the work entirely: How +gracious, therefore, of the Lord, to send brother C-r, that thus the work +might go on! Up to July, 1837, this brother was enabled to continue in his +work, and thus this little Institution was in a most important way +enlarged as it regards the field of labour.] + +August 15. Today dear brother Craik returned from Devonshire, much better +in his general health, but not better as it regards his voice.--August 24. +I feel very weak, and suffer more than before from the disease. I am in +doubt whether to leave Bristol entirely for a time. I have no money to go +away for a change of air. I have had an invitation to stay for a week with +a sister in the country, and I think of accepting the invitation, and +going tomorrow. August 26. Today I had 5l. given to me for the express +purpose of using change of air. Aug. 29. Today I received another 5l. for +the same purpose. + +August 30. Today, for the first Lord's day since our arrival in Bristol, +I have been kept from preaching through illness. How mercifully has the +Lord dealt in giving me so much strength for these years! I had another +5l. sent, to aid me in procuring change of air. How kind is the Lord in +thus providing me with the means of leaving Bristol! September 2. Went +with my family to Portishead. September 3 to 5. I read the lives of the +English martyrs at the time of the reformation. My spirit has been greatly +refreshed. May the Lord help me to follow these holy men as far as they +followed Christ! Of all reading, besides that of the Holy Scriptures, +which should be always THE book, THE CHIEF book to us, not merely in +theory, but also in practice, such like books seem to me the most useful +for the growth of the inner man. Yet one has to be cautious in the choice, +and to guard against reading too much. At such a time as the present, when +my mind and body are too weak for much exertion, as the study of the Word, +conversation, writing letters, or walking, &c., I find it most refreshing +to read a few pages of this kind, though these last six years I have not +read the fifth part, perhaps not the tenth part as much of other books as +of the Holy Scriptures. + +September 14. We are still at Portishead. I am but little better. I am +greatly bowed down today on account of my inward corruptions and carnality +of heart. When will God deliver me from this state?! How I long to be more +like Him! My present way of living is also a great trial to me. The caring +so much about the body; the having for my chief employment eating and +drinking, walking, bathing, and taking horse exercise; all this to which I +have not been at all accustomed these six years, I find to be very trying. +I would much rather be again in the midst of the work in Bristol, if my +Lord will condescend to use His most unworthy servant. + +September 15. As I clearly understood that the person, who lets me his +horse, has no license, I saw, that being bound as a believer to act +according to the laws of the country, I could use it no longer: and as +horse exercise seems most important, humanly speaking, for my restoration, +and as this is the only horse, which is to be had in the place, we came to +the conclusion to leave Portishead tomorrow. Immediately after, I received +a kind letter from a brother and two sisters in the Lord, who lived in the +Isle of Wight, which contained a fourth invitation, more pressing than +ever, to come and stay with them for some time. In addition to this, they +wrote that they had repeatedly prayed about the matter, and were persuaded +that I ought to come. This matter has been today a subject for prayer and +consideration to us. + +September 16. We came this morning to the conclusion to leave Portishead +today, and that I should go to the Isle of Wight; but we saw not how my +wife and child and our servant could accompany me, as we had not +sufficient money for traveling expenses; and yet this seemed of +importance, as otherwise my wife would be overburdened in my absence, and +my mind would not be sufficiently free; and besides this, she also seems +to need change of air. The Lord graciously removed the difficulty this +evening; for we received most unexpectedly and unasked for 6l. 13s., which +was owed to us, and, also, when we had already retired to rest, a letter +was brought, containing a present of 2l. How very, very kind, and tender +is the Lord! + +September 19. This evening we arrived at our friends' in the Isle of +Wight, by whom we were most kindly received.--September 21 to 26. Nothing +remarkable has occurred. I feel very comfortable in this place, and find +my stay here refreshing to my soul. My health is about the same. I am not +fit for mental exercise, and am soon fatigued even by conversation. I have +read during the last days, with great interest and admiration of the +goodness of God, and to the refreshment of my soul, the life of John +Newton, and the lives of some of the English martyrs at the time of the +reformation. + +Sept. 27. Today I am thirty years of age. I feel myself an unprofitable +servant. How much more might I have lived for God than I have done! May +the Lord grant, that, if I am allowed to stay a few days more in this +world, they may be spent entirely for Him! September 29. Last evening, +when I retired from the family, I had a desire to go to rest at once, for +I had prayed a short while before; and feeling weak in body, the coldness +of the night was a temptation for me to pray no further. However, the Lord +did help me to fall upon my knees; and no sooner had I commenced praying, +than He shone into my soul, and gave me such a spirit of prayer, as I had +not enjoyed for many weeks. He graciously once more revived His work in +my heart. I enjoyed that nearness to God and fervency in prayer, for more +than an hour, for which my soul had been panting for many weeks past. For +the first time, during this illness, I had now also a spirit of prayer as +it regards my health. I could ask the Lord earnestly to restore me again, +which had not been the case before. I now long to go back again to the +work in Bristol, yet without impatience, and feel assured that the Lord +will strengthen me to return to it. I went to bed especially happy and +awoke this morning in great peace, rose sooner than usual, and had again, +for more than an hour, real communion with the Lord before breakfast. May +He in mercy continue this state of heart to His most unworthy child! + +October 8. My strength has been during the last days increasing, but I +feel still the symptoms of indigestion. I have been able to speak several +times at family prayer, and to expound the Scriptures to the school +children, without suffering in consequence of it. + +October 9. I have many times had thoughts of giving in print some account +of the Lord's goodness to me, for the instruction, comfort, and +encouragement of the children of God; and I have been more than ever +stirred up to do so since I read Newton's life a few days ago. I have +considered, today, all the reasons for and against, and find that there +are scarcely any against, and many for it. + +October 15. Today we left our dear friends for Bristol. November 15. +Brother C-r and I have been praying together, the last five days, that the +Lord would be pleased to send us means for the carrying on of the work of +the Scriptural Knowledge Institution. This evening a brother gave me 6s. +1d., being money which he formerly used to pay towards the support of a +trade club, which he has lately given up for the Lord's sake.--November 18. +This evening L30 was given to me; L25. for the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution, and L5. for myself. This is a most remarkable answer to +prayer. Brother C-r and I have prayed repeatedly together during the last +week, concerning the work, and especially that the Lord would be pleased +to give us the means to continue, and even to enlarge, the field. In +addition to this, I have several times asked for a supply for myself, and +He has kindly granted both these requests. Oh that I may have grace to +trust Him more and more!--November 20. This evening I took tea at a +sister's house, where I found Franke's life. I have frequently, for a long +time, thought of labouring in a similar way, though it might be on a much +smaller scale; not, to imitate Franke, but in reliance upon the Lord. May +God make it plain! November 21. Today I have had it very much impressed on +my heart, no longer merely to think about the establishment of an +Orphan-House, but actually to set about it, and I have been very much +in prayer respecting it, in order to ascertain the Lord's +mind.--I received this day, from an unexpected quarter, L5. +for the Scriptural Knowledge Institution, in answer to prayer; + and I had also L1. 14s. 6d. sent from a distance of one hundred +and twenty miles.-November 22. This evening I had sent for +the Institution L1. 4s.--November 23. Today I had L10. sent +from Ireland for our Institution. Thus the Lord, in answer to prayer, +has given me, in a few days, about L50. I had asked only for L40. This has +been a great encouragement to me, and has still more stirred +me up to think and pray about the establishment of an +Orphan-House.--November 25. I have been again much in prayer +yesterday and today about the Orphan-House, and am more +and more convinced that it is of God. May He in mercy guide me! +The three chief reasons for establishing an Orphan-House are:--1. +That God may be glorified, should He be pleased to furnish me with +the means, in its being seen that it is not a vain thing to trust in Him; +and that thus the faith of His children may be strengthened. 2. The +spiritual welfare of fatherless and motherless children. 3. Their +temporal welfare. + +It may be well to enter somewhat more minutely, than my journal does, +upon the reasons which led me to establish an Orphan-House. Through my +pastoral labours among the saints in Bristol, through my considerable +correspondence, and through brethren who visited Bristol; I had constantly +cases brought before me, which proved, that one of the especial things +which the children of God needed in our day, was, to have their faith +strengthened. For instance: I might visit a brother, who worked fourteen +or even sixteen hours a day at his trade, the necessary result of which +was, that not only his body suffered, but his soul was lean, and he had no +enjoyment in the things of God. Under such circumstances I might point out +to him that he ought to work less, in order that his bodily health might +not suffer, and that he might gather strength for his inner man, by +reading the word of God, by meditation over it, and by prayer. The reply, +however, I generally found to be something like this: "But if I work +less, I do not earn enough for the support of my family. Even now, whilst +I work so much, I have scarcely enough. The wages are so low, that I must +work hard in order to obtain what I need. There was no trust in God. No +real belief in the truth of that word: "Seek ye first the kingdom of +God, and His righteousness: and all these things shall be added unto you." +I might reply something like this: "My dear brother, it is not your work +which supports your family, but the Lord; and He who has fed you and your +family when you could not work at all, on account of illness, would surely +provide for you and yours, if for the sake of obtaining food for your +inner man, you were to work only for so many hours a day, as would allow +you proper time for retirement. And is it not the case now, that you begin +the work of the day after having had only a few hurried moments for +prayer; and when you leave off your work in the evening, and mean then to +read a little of the word of God, are you not too much worn out in body +and mind, to enjoy it, and do you not often fall asleep whilst reading the +Scriptures, or whilst on your knees in prayer?" The brother would allow it +was so; he would allow that my advice was good; but still I read in his +countenance, even if he should not have actually said so, "How should I +get on, if I were to carry out your advice?" I longed, therefore, to have +something to point the brother to, as a visible proof, that our God and +Father is the same faithful God as ever He was; as willing as ever to +PROVE Himself to be the LIVING GOD, in our day as formerly, to all who put +their trust in Him.--Again, sometimes I found children of God tried in +mind by the prospect of old age, when they might be unable to work any +longer, and therefore were harassed by the fear of having to go into the +poor-house. If in such a case I pointed out to them, how their Heavenly +Father has always helped those who put their trust in Him, they might not, +perhaps, always say, that times have changed; but yet it was evident +enough, that God was not looked upon by them as the LIVING God. My spirit +was ofttimes bowed down by this, and I longed to set something before the +children of God, whereby they might see, that He does not forsake, even in +our day, those who rely upon him.--Another class of persons were brethren +in business, who suffered in their souls, and brought guilt on their +consciences, by carrying on their business, almost in the same way, as +unconverted persons do. The competition in trade, the bad times, the +over-peopled country, were given as reasons why, If the business were +carried on simply according to the word of God, it could not be expected +to do well. Such a brother, perhaps, would express the wish, that he might +be differently situated; but very rarely did I see, that there was a stand +made for God, that there was the holy determination to trust in the living +God, and to depend on Him, in order that a good conscience might be +maintained. To this class likewise I desired to show, by a visible proof, +that God is unchangeably the same.--Then there was another class of +persons, individuals who were in professions in which they could not +continue with a good conscience, or persons who were in an unscriptural +position with reference to spiritual things; but both classes feared, on +account of the consequences, to give up the profession in which they could +not abide with God, or to leave their position, lest they should be thrown +out of employment. My spirit longed to be instrumental in strengthening +their faith, by giving them not only instances from the word of God, of +His willingness and ability to help all those who rely upon Him, but to +show them by proofs, that He is the same in our day. I well knew that the +word of God ought to be enough, and it was, by grace, enough to me; but +still, I considered that I aught to lend a helping hand to my brethren, if +by any means, by this visible proof to the unchangeable faithfulness of +the Lord I might strengthen their hands in God; for I remembered what a +great blessing my own soul had received through the Lord's dealings with +His servant A. H. Franke, who, in dependence upon the living God alone, +established an immense Orphan-House, which I had seen many times with my +own eyes. I, therefore, judged myself bound to be the servant of the +Church of Christ, in the particular point on which I had obtained mercy: +namely, in being able to take God by His word and to rely upon it. All +these exercises of my soul, which resulted from the fact that so many +believers, with whom I became acquainted, were harassed and distressed in +mind, or brought guilt on their consciences, on account of not trusting in +the Lord; were used by God to awaken in my heart the desire of setting +before the church at large, and before the world, a proof that He has not +in the least changed; and this seemed to me best done, by the establishing +of an Orphan-House. It needed to be something which could be seen, even by +the natural eye. Now, if I, a poor man, simply by prayer and faith, +obtained, without asking any individual, the means for establishing and +carrying on an Orphan-House: there would be something which with the +Lord's blessing, might be instrumental in strengthening the faith of the +children of God besides being a testimony to the consciences of the +unconverted, of the reality of the things of God. This, then, was the +primary reason, for establishing the Orphan-House. I certainly did from my +heart desire to be used by God to benefit the bodies of poor children, +bereaved of both parents, and seek, in other respects, with the help of +God, to do them good for this life;--I also particularly longed to be used +by God in getting the dear orphans trained up in the fear of God;--but +still, the first and primary object of the work was, (and still is:) that +God might be magnified by the fact, that the orphans under my care are +provided, with all they need, only by prayer and faith, without any one +being asked by me or my fellow-labourers, whereby it may be seen, that God +is FAITHFUL STILL, and HEARS PRAYER STILL. That I was not mistaken, has +been abundantly proved singe November, 1835, both by the conversion of +many sinners who have read the accounts, which have been published in +connexion with this work, and also by the abundance of fruit that has +followed in the hearts of the saints, for which, from my inmost soul, I +desire to be grateful to God, and the honour and glory of which not only +is due to Him alone, but which I, by His help, am enabled to +ascribe to Him. + +November 28. I have been, every day this week, very much in prayer +concerning the Orphan-House, chiefly entreating the Lord to take away +every thought concerning it out of my mind, if the matter be not of Him; +and have also repeatedly examined my heart concerning my motives in the +matter. But I have been more and more confirmed that it is of God. + +December 2. I have again these last days prayed much about the +Orphan-House, and have frequently examined my heart, that if it were at +all my desire to establish it for the sake of gratifying myself I might +find it out. To that end I have also conversed with brother Craik about +it, that he might be instrumental in showing me any hidden corruption of +my heart concerning the matter, or any other scriptural reason against +my engaging in it. The one only reason which ever made me at all doubt as +to its being of God, that I should engage in this work, is, the +multiplicity of engagements which I have already. But that which has +overbalanced this objection in my mind has been:--1. That the matter +is of such great importance. 2. That if the matter be of God, He will +in due time send suitable individuals, so that comparatively little of +my time will be taken up in this service. + +This morning I asked the Lord especially, that He would be pleased to +teach me through the instrumentality of brother C.; and I went to him, +that he might have an opportunity of probing my heart. For as I desire +only the Lord's glory, I should be glad to be instructed through the +instrumentality of any brother, if the matter be not of Him. But brother +C., on the contrary, greatly encouraged me in it. Therefore I have this +day taken the first actual step in the matter, in having ordered bills to +be printed, announcing a public meeting on December 9th, at which I intend +to lay before the brethren my thoughts concerning the Orphan-House, as a +means of ascertaining more clearly the Lord's mind concerning the matter. +December 4. Brother Craik told me this morning, that his voice is getting +a little better. December 5. This evening I was struck, in reading the +Scriptures, with these words: "Open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it." +Ps. lxxxi. 10. Up to this day I had not prayed at all concerning the means +or individuals needed for the Orphan-House. I was now led to apply this +scripture to the Orphan-House, and asked the Lord for premises, 1000l., +and suitable individuals to take care of the children. December 7. Today I +received the first shilling for the Orphan-House. Afterwards I received +another shilling from a German brother. + +December 9. This afternoon the first piece of furniture was given--a large +wardrobe. This afternoon and evening I was low in spirit as it regards the +Orphan-House, but as soon as I began to speak at the meeting, I received +peculiar assistance from God, felt great peace and joy, and the assurance +that the work is of God. After the meeting, 10s. was given to me. There +was purposely no collection, nor did any one speak besides myself; for it +was not in the least intended to work upon the feelings, for I sought to +be quite sure concerning the mind of God. After the meeting a sister +offered herself for the work. I went home happy in the Lord, and full of +confidence that the matter will come to pass, though but 10s. has been +given. December 10. This morning I have sent to the press a statement +which contains the substance of what I said at the meeting last evening. +[For the sake of those who have not read it before, it is given here.] + +Proposal for the Establishment of an Orphan-House in connexion with the +Scriptural Knowledge Institution for Home and Abroad. + +Since the last Report of the operations of the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution for home and abroad was published, the Lord has sent us, in +answer to prayer, brother John C-r, formerly a minister of the +establishment, as a city missionary, who goes from house to house, among +the poor of this city, to converse with them about the things of God, to +circulate the Scriptures among them, to get them to come to the adult +school, if they cannot read, and to advise them to put their children to +our schools, provided they go to no other. It was particularly gracious of +the Lord to send this brother, nearly five months ago, as my brother and +fellow labourer, Henry Craik, has been for these eight months laid aside +from the ministry of the Word on account of bodily infirmity, and has +therefore been unable to take an active part in this Institution. Thus I +have not only found great help, but I have been greatly encouraged to +enlarge the field. That to which my mind has been particularly directed, +is, to establish an Orphan-House in which destitute fatherless and +motherless children may be provided with food and raiment, and scriptural +education. Concerning this intended Orphan-House I would say + +1. It is intended to be in connexion with the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution for home and abroad, in so far as it respects the Reports, +accounts, superintendence, and the principles on which it is conducted, so +that, in one sense, it may be considered as a new object of the +Institution, yet with this difference, that only those funds shall be +applied to the Orphan-House which are expressly given for it. If, +therefore, any believer should prefer to support either those objects +which have been hitherto assisted by the funds of this Institution, or the +intended Orphan-House, it need only be mentioned, in order that the money +may be applied accordingly. + +2. It will only be established if the Lord should provide both the means +for it, and suitable persons to conduct it. + +As to the means, I would make the following remarks. The reason for +proposing to enlarge the field, is not because we have of late +particularly abounded in means; for we have been rather straitened. The +many gracious answers, however, which the Lord had given us concerning +this Institution, led brother C-r and me to give ourselves to prayer, +asking him to supply us with the means to carry on the work, as we +consider it unscriptural to contract debts. During five days, we prayed +several times, both unitedly and separately. After that time, the Lord +began to answer our prayers, so that, within a few days, about 50l. was +given to us. I would further say, that the very gracious and tender +dealings of God with me, in having supplied, in answer to prayer, for the +last five years, my own temporal wants without any certain income, so that +money, provisions and clothes have been sent to me at times when I was +greatly straitened, and that not only in small but large quantities; and +not merely from individuals living in the same place with me, but at a +considerable distance; and that not merely from intimate friends, but from +individuals whom I have never seen: all this, I say, has often led me to +think, even as long as four years ago, that the Lord had not given me this +simple reliance on Him merely for myself; but also for others. Often, when +I saw poor neglected children running about the streets at Teignmouth, I +said to myself: "May it not be the will of God, that I should establish +schools for these children, asking Him to give me the means?" However, it +remained only a thought in my mind for two or three years. About two years +and six months since I was particularly stirred up afresh to do something +for destitute children, by seeing so many of them begging in the streets +of Bristol, and coming to our door. It was not, then, left undone on +account of want of trust in the Lord, but through an abundance of other +things calling for all the time and strength of my brother Craik and +myself; for the Lord had both given faith, and had also shown by the +following instance, in addition to very many others, both what He can and +what He will do. One morning, whilst sitting in my room, I thought about +the distress of certain brethren, and said thus to myself:--"O that it +might please the Lord to give me the means to help these poor brethren!" +About an hour afterwards I had 60l. sent as a present for myself, from a +brother, whom up to this day I have never seen, and who was then, and is +still, residing several thousand miles from this. Should not such an +experience, together with promises like that one in John xiv. 13, 14, +encourage us to ask with all boldness, for ourselves and others, both +temporal and spiritual blessings? The Lord, for I cannot but think it was +He, again and again, brought the thought about these poor children to my +mind, till at last it ended in the establishment of "The Scriptural +Knowledge Institution, for Home and Abroad;" since the establishment of +which, I have had it in a similar way brought to my mind, first about +fourteen months ago, and repeatedly since, but especially during these +last weeks, to establish an Orphan-House. My frequent prayer of late has +been, that if it be of God, He would let it come to pass; if not, that He +would take from me all thoughts about it. The latter has not been the +case, but I have been led more and more to think that the matter may be of +Him. Now, if so, He can influence His people in any part of the world, +(for I do not look to Bristol, nor even to England, but to the living God, +whose is the gold and the silver,) to intrust me and brother C-r, whom the +Lord has made willing to help me in this work, with the means. Till we +have them, we can do nothing in the way of renting a house, furnishing it, +&c. Yet, when once as much as is needed for this has been sent us, as also +proper persons to engage in the work, we do not think it needful to wait +till we have the Orphan-House endowed, or a number of yearly subscribers +for it; but we trust to be enabled by the Lord, who has taught us to ask +for our daily bread, to look to Him for the supply of the daily wants of +those children whom He may be pleased to put under our care. Any donations +will be received at my house. Should any believers have tables, chairs, +bedsteads, bedding, earthenware, or any kind of household furniture to +spare, for the furnishing of the house; or remnants or pieces of calico, +linen, flannel, cloth, or any materials useful for wearing apparel; or +clothes already worn; they will be thankfully received. + +Respecting the persons who are needed for carrying on the work, a matter +of no less importance than the procuring of funds, I would observe, that +we look for them to God Himself, as well as for the funds; and that all +who may be engaged as masters, matrons, and assistants, according to the +smallness or largeness of the Institution, must be known to us as true +believers; and moreover, as far as we may be able to judge, must likewise +be qualified for the work. + +3. At present nothing can be said as to the time when the operations are +likely to commence; nor whether the Institution will embrace children of +both sexes, or be restricted either to boys or girls exclusively; nor of +what age they will be received, and how long they may continue in it; for +though we have thought about these things, yet we would rather be guided +in these particulars by the amount of the means which the Lord may put +into our hands, and by the number of the individuals whom he may provide +for conducting the Institution. Should the Lord condescend to use us as +instruments, a short printed statement will be issued as soon as something +more definite can be said. + +4. It has appeared well to us to receive only such destitute children as +have been bereaved of both parents. + +5. The children are intended, if girls, to be brought up for service; if +boys, for a trade; and therefore they will be employed, according to their +ability and bodily strength, in useful occupations, and thus help to +maintain themselves; besides this they are intended to receive a plain +education; but the chief and especial end of the Institution will be to +seek, with God's blessing, to bring them to the knowledge of Jesus Christ, +by instructing them in the Scriptures. + +GEORGE MULLER. + +Bristol, Dec. 10th, 1835. + +December 11. I have been enabled to pray all this week with increased +confidence concerning the Orphan-House, as it regards means, a house, +suitable individuals to take care of the children, furniture, &c. December +16. Brother C-n, whom the Lord has kindly allowed to stay above two months +among us, to supply brother Craik's lack of service, left us today. How +very gracious has the Lord been to us in this affliction! Many brethren +have been sent to us as helpers for a little while--brother C-t for the +greater part of the time, and brother C-n for more than two months. And, +in addition to this, when brother Craik and I were both ill, the brethren +were kept in peace, and there was a spirit of prayer among them. December +31. This evening we had an especial meeting for prayer and praise. We +continued together from seven till after twelve. + +There have been received into the church at Gideon during the past year--29 + +Ditto, Bethesda--30 + +Altogether--59 + +Of these 59, 30 have been brought to the knowledge of the Lord through +the instrumentality of brother Craik and me. There are now, of those who +have been begotten again through us, since we have been in Bristol, at +Gideon 63, and at Bethesda 71--altogether 134. Besides this, several have +fallen asleep in the faith, who never were in communion with us, and +several of our spiritual children have joined other churches, in and out +of Bristol, and many are now standing as hopeful characters on the list of +candidates for communion. There have been added to the church at Gideon, +since we came, 125; to Bethesda, 163--altogether 288; so that the number +of both churches would have been 356 (68 believers we found at Gideon), +had there been no changes; but + +Of Gideon are at present + +under church discipline 6, of Bethesda, 7, altogether, 13 + +Do. have fallen asleep 12 do. 5 do. 17 + +Do. have left Bristol 10 do. 4 do. 14 + +Do. have left us, but are + +still in Bristol 11 do. 4 do. 15 + +39 20 59 + +So that there are at present in communion with us 297:--143 at Bethesda, +and 154 at Gideon. + +As it regards the way in which the Lord, in His faithful love, supplied +my temporal wants, during the past year, I mention that I received-- + +1. In free-will offerings, given through the boxes, as my part L130 3s. 7 +1/4d. + +2. In free-will offerings given by believers in and out of Bristol, not +through the boxes L120 7s. 6d. + +3. Towards the house rent I received from brother Craik, in consideration +that he has no rent to pay, for nine months L7 10s. 0d. + +4. The presents sent to us in clothes and provisions, &c., were worth to +us at least L27 0s. 0d. + +Altogether L285 1s. 1 1/4d. + +January 3, 1836. This morning brother Craik spoke a little in public for +the first time after about nine months. + +January 6. Today we had three especial prayer meetings, for the full +restoration of brother Craik's voice. We had also, on January 7, 8, 9, and +10, especial prayer meetings for brother Craik's full restoration. January +16. Today I put into the press another statement, containing a further +account respecting the Orphan-House. [It is here reprinted.] + +Further account respecting the Orphan-House, intended to be established +in Bristol, in connection with the Scriptural Knowledge Institution for +Home and Abroad. + +When, of late, the thoughts of establishing an Orphan-House, in +dependence upon the Lord, revived in my mind, during the first two weeks I +only prayed, that, if it were of the Lord, He would bring it about; but, +if not, that He graciously would be pleased to take all thoughts about it +out of my mind. My uncertainty about knowing the Lord's mind did not arise +from questioning whether it would be pleasing in His sight, that there +should be an abode and scriptural education provided for destitute +fatherless and motherless children; but whether it were His will that I +should be the instrument of setting such an object on foot, as my hands +were already more than filled. My comfort, however, was, that, if it were +His will, He would provide not merely the means, but also suitable +individuals to take care of the children, so that my part of the work +would take only such a portion of my time, as, considering the importance +of the matter, I might give, notwithstanding my many other engagements. +The whole of those two weeks I never asked the Lord for money, or for +persons to engage in the work. On December 5th, however, the subject of my +prayer all at once became different. I was reading Psalm lxxxi, and was +particularly struck, more than at any time before, with ver. 10: "Open thy +mouth wide, and I will fill it." I thought a few moments about these +words, and then was led to apply them to the case of the Orphan-house. It +struck me that I had never asked the Lord for any thing concerning it, +except to know His will respecting its being established or not; and I +then fell on my knees, and opened my mouth wide, asking Him for much. I +asked in submission to His will, and without fixing a time when He should +answer my petition. I prayed that He would give me a house, i.e. either as +a loan, or that some one might be led to pay the rent for one, or that one +might be given permanently for this object; further, I asked Him for +L1000; and likewise for suitable individuals to take care of the children. +Besides this, I have been since led to ask the Lord, to put into the +hearts of His people to send me articles of furniture for the house, and +some clothes for the children. When I was asking the petition, I was fully +aware what I was doing, i.e., that I was asking for something which I had +no natural prospect of obtaining from the brethren whom I know, but which +was not too much for the Lord to grant. As I have stated, that I desire to +see clearly the Lord's will concerning the Orphan-House, by His providing +both the means and suitable individuals for it, I will now mention how He +has been dealing with me in these respects. + +December 7, 1835.--Anonymously was given 2s. In the paper in which they +were enclosed was written "1s. for the Orphan-House, and 1s. for the +Scriptural Knowledge Institution. In the name of the Lord alone lift up +your banners, so shall you prosper." 1s. besides was given. December 9. I +found 3s. in the box, which I had put up two days before in my room for +the Orphan-House, and a large wardrobe given just before the meeting in +the evening, when I stated publicly my desire concerning this object +before the brethren. After the meeting 10s. was given. Also a sister +offered herself at the same time for the work. December 10. This morning I +received a letter, in which a brother and sister wrote thus:--"We propose +ourselves for the service of the intended Orphan-House, if you think us +qualified for it; also to give up all the furniture, &c., which the Lord +has given us, for its use; and to do this without receiving any salary +whatever; believing, that if it be the will of the Lord to employ us, He +will supply all our need, &c." In the evening a brother brought from +several individuals three dishes, 28 plates, three basins, one jug, four +mugs, three salt stands, one grater, four knives, and five forks. + +December 12. While I was praying this morning that the Lord would give us +a fresh token of His favour concerning the Orphan-House, a brother brought +three dishes, 12 plates, one basin, and one blanket. After this had been +given, I thanked God, and asked Him to give even this day another +encouragement. Shortly after, L50. was given, and that by an individual +from whom, for several reasons, I could not have expected this sum. Thus +the hand of God appeared so much the more clearly. Even then I was led to +pray, that this day the Lord would give still more. In the evening, +accordingly, there were sent 29 yards of print. Also a sister offered +herself for the work. Dec. 13. A brother was influenced this day to give +4s. per week, or 10l. 8s. yearly, as long as the Lord gives the means; 8s. +was given by him as two weeks' subscriptions. Today a brother and sister +offered themselves, with all their furniture, and all the provisions which +they have in the house, if they can be usefully employed in the concerns +of the Orphan-House. + +December 14. Today a sister offered her services for the work. In the +evening another sister offered herself for the Institution. December 15. A +sister brought from several friends, ten basins, eight mugs, one plate, +five dessert spoons, six tea spoons, one skimmer, one toasting fork, one +flour dredge, three knives and forks, one sheet, one pillow case, one +table cloth; also 1l. In the afternoon were sent 55 yards of sheeting, and +12 yards of calico. December 16. I took out of the box in my room 1s. +December 17. I was rather cast down last evening and this morning about +the matter, questioning whether I ought to be engaged in this way, and was +led to ask the Lord to give me some further encouragement. Soon after were +sent by a brother two pieces of print, the one seven and the other 23 3/4 +yards, 6 3/4 yards of calico, four pieces of lining, about four yards +altogether, a sheet, and a yard measure. This evening another brother +brought a clothes' horse, three frocks, four pinafores, six handkerchiefs, +three counterpanes, one blanket, two pewter salt cellars, six tin cups, +and six metal tea spoons; he also brought 3s. 6d. given to him by three +different individuals. At the same time he told me that it had been put +into the heart of an individual to send tomorrow 100l. + +December 18. This afternoon the same brother brought from a sister, a +counterpane, a flat iron stand, eight cups, and saucers, a sugar basin, a +milk jug, a tea cup, 16 thimbles, five knives and forks, six dessert +spoons, 12 tea spoons, four combs, and two little graters; from another +friend a flat iron and a cup and saucer. At the same time he brought the +100l. above referred to. [Since the publication of the second edition it +has pleased the Lord to take to Himself the donor of this 100l., and I +therefore give in this present edition some further account of the +donation and the donor, as the particulars respecting both, with God's +blessing, may tend to edification. Indeed I confess that I am delighted to +be at liberty, in consequence of the death of the donor, to give the +following short narrative, which, during her lifetime, I should not have +considered it wise to publish. A. L., the donor, was known to me almost +from the beginning of my coming to Bristol in 1832. She earned her bread +by needlework, by which she gained from 2s. to 5s. per week; the average, +I suppose, was not more than about 3s. 6d., as she was weak in body. But +this dear, humble sister was content with her small earnings, and I do not +remember ever to have heard her utter a word of complaint on account of +earning so little. Some time, before I had been led to establish an +Orphan-House, her father had died, through which event she had come +into the possession of 480l., which sum had been left to her (and the +same amount to her brother and two sisters) by her grandmother, but of +which her father had had the interest during his lifetime. The father, +who had been much given to drinking, died in debt, +which debts the children wished to pay; but the rest, besides +A. L., did not like to pay the full amount, and offered +to the creditors 5s. in the pound, which they gladly accepted, +as they had not the least legal claim upon the children. After the +debts had been paid according to this agreement, A. L. said to herself; +"However sinful my father may have been, yet he was my father, and +as I have the means of paying his debts to the full amount, I ought, as +a believing child, to do so, seeing that my brothers and sisters will not +do it." She then went to all the creditors secretly, and paid the full +amount of the debts, which took 40l. more of her money, besides her +share which she had given before. Her brother and two sisters now gave +50l. each of their property to their mother; but A. L. said to herself: +"I am a child of God, surely I ought to give my mother twice as much +as my brother and sisters." She, therefore, gave her mother 100l. Shortly +after this she sent me the 100l. towards the Orphan-House. I was not a +little surprised when I received this money from her, +for I had always known her as a poor girl, and I had never heard +any thing about her having come into the possession of this +money, and her dress had never given me the +least indication of an alteration in her circumstances. Before, however, +accepting this money from her, I had a long conversation with her, in +which I sought to probe her as to her motives, and in which I sought to +ascertain whether, as I had feared, she might have given this money in the +feeling of the moment, without having counted the cost. I was the +more particular, because, if the money were given, without its being given +from Scriptural motives, and there should be regret +afterwards, the name of the Lord would be dishonoured. But I +had not conversed long with this beloved sister, before +I found that she was, in this particular, a quiet, calm, considerate +follower of the Lord Jesus, and one who desired, in spite +of what human reason might say, to act according to the words of our +Lord: "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth." Matthew vi. 19. +"Sell that ye have, and give alms." Luke xii. 33. When I remonstrated +with her, in order that I might see, whether she had counted the cost, +she said to me: "The Lord Jesus has given His last drop of blood for me, +and should I not give Him this 100l.?" She likewise said: "Rather than the +Orphan-House should not be established, I will give all the money I have." +When I saw that she had weighed the matter according to the word of God, +and that she had counted the cost, I could not but take the money, and +admire the way which the Lord took, to use this poor, sickly sister as an +instrument, in so considerable a measure, for helping, at its very +commencement, this work, which I had set about solely in dependence +upon the living God. At that time she would also have me take 5l. for the +poor saints in communion with us. I mention here particularly, that this +dear sister kept all these things to herself; and did them as much as +possible in secret; and during her life-time, I suppose, not six brethren +and sisters among us knew that she had ever possessed 480l., or that she +had given 100l. towards the Orphan-House. But this is not all. Some time +after this 100l. had been given by her, brother C-r, (who was then +labouring as a City Missionary in connexion with the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution, and who about that very time happened to visit from house to +house in that part of the city where A. L. lived), told me that he had met +with many cases, in which A. L. had given to one poor woman a bedstead, to +another some bedding, to another some clothes, to another food; and thus +instance upon instance of acts of love, on the part of our dear sister +A. L., had come before him. I relate one instance more. August 4, 1836, +seven months and a half after she had given the 100l., +she came one morning to me and said: "Last evening I +felt myself particularly stirred up to pray about the funds of +the Scriptural Knowledge Institution; but whilst praying I thought, what +good is it for me to pray for means, if I do not give, when I have the +means, and I have therefore brought you this 5l." As I had reason to +believe that by this time by far the greater part of her money was gone, I +again had a good deal of conversation with her, to see whether she really +did count the cost, and whether this donation also was given unto the +Lord, or from momentary excitement, in which case it was better not to +give the money. However, she was at this time also steadfast, grounded +upon the word of God, and evidently constrained by the love of Christ; and +all the effect my conversation had upon her was, that she said: "You must +take five shillings in addition to the 5l., as a proof that I give the 5l. +cheerfully." And thus she constrained me to take the 5l. 5s. Four things +are especially to be noticed about this beloved sister, with reference to +all this period of her earthly pilgrimage: 1, She did all these things in +secret, avoiding to the utmost all show about them, and thus proved, that +she did not desire the praise of man. 2, She remained, as before, of an +humble and lowly mind, and she proved thus, that she had done what she did +unto the Lord, and not unto man. 3, Her dress remained, during all the +time that she had this comparative abundance, the same as before. It was +clean, yet as simple and inexpensive as it was at the time when all her +income had consisted of 3s. 6d., or at most 5s., per week. There was not +the least difference as to her lodging, dress, manner of life, etc. She +remained in every way the poor hand-maid of the Lord, as to all outward +appearance. 4, But that which is as lovely as the rest, she continued +working at her needle all this time. She earned her 2s. 6d., or 3s., or a +little more, a week, by her work, as before: whilst she gave away the +money in Sovereigns or Five Pound Notes.--At last all her money was gone, +and that some years before she fell sleep, and as her bodily health never +had been good, as long as I had known her, and was now much worse, she +found herself peculiarly dependent upon the Lord, who never forsook her up +to the last moment of her earthly course. The very commencement of her +life of simple dependence upon the Lord, was such as greatly to encourage +her. She related the facts to me as I give them here. When she was +completely without money, and when her little stock of tea and butter was +also gone, two sisters in the Lord called on her. After they had been a +little while with her, they told her that they had come to take tea with +her. She said to herself; I should not at all mind to go without my tea, +but this is a great trial, that I have nothing to set before these +sisters; and she gave them therefore to understand, that their staying to +tea would not be convenient at that time. The sisters, however, I suppose, +not understanding the hint, remained, and presently brought out of a +basket tea, sugar, butter and bread, and thus there was all that was +requisite for the tea, and the remainder of the provisions was left with +her. She told me, that at that time she was not accustomed to trials of +faith, as she afterwards was. + +Her body became weaker and weaker, in consequence of which she was able +to work very little, for many months before she died; but the Lord +supplied her with all she needed, though she never asked for anything. For +instance, a sister in communion with us sent her for many months all the +bread she used.--Her mouth was full of thanksgiving, even in the midst of +the greatest bodily sufferings. She fell asleep in Jesus in January +1844.--I have related these facts, because they tend to the +praise of the Lord, and may be instrumental in stirring up other +children of God, to follow this dear departed sister in so far as she +followed the Lord Jesus; but,in particular, that I may show in what +remarkable ways the Lord proved, from the very beginning, that the +Orphan-House was His and not mine. I now go on to narrate further how +the Lord provided me with means for it.] This evening a sister sent five +small forms. December 20. A sister gave me 5l. December 21. A friend sent +1l. Weekly subscription of 4s. December 22. A sister gave me 1l. and a +friend sent 2s. 6d. December 23. A brother gave this evening a piece of +blind line and a dozen of blind tassels. About ten in the evening, a +gentleman brought me from an individual, whose name he was not to mention, +4l., of which I was allowed to take 2l. for the Orphan-House, and +to give the other 2l. to poor believers. December 28. During +the last four days I had received no offerings, and was rather cast down +about it, not knowing why the Lord dealt thus. Yet, in the midst of it, I +had a hope, that He was in the mean time working for the Orphan-House, +though nothing had been given. I was again stirred up to pray, that the +Lord would appear today. A little after, I saw a brother who told me, that +ever since he had received the printed proposal for the establishment of +an Orphan-House, he had considered the matter, and that he was willing to +give for the use of it certain premises, which he built some years since, +and which cost him 2,600l., provided there could be raised about 500l., to +add to the buildings what may be needed, to fit them for the purpose. +There is a piece of ground belonging to the premises, sufficiently large +to build thereon what may be required. The buildings are very suitable for +an Orphan-House, containing some very large rooms. If, therefore, the Lord +should put it into the hearts of His people, who have the means, to give +this sum of money, the premises will be given. The reason why they are +offered under the above-mentioned condition is, that in the state in which +they are now, on account of the peculiar purpose for which they were +built, they could accommodate only about 15 children, but, by the proposed +addition, would be large enough for 50 or 60. For the present, however, +the premises are let, and a notice of six months must be given. If this +matter should be brought about by the Lord, my prayer concerning a house, +which has been repeatedly brought before Him since December 5th, will have +been answered. Yet I leave the matter in the hands of Him, who has the +power to give us a place, of which we may take immediate possession, or +who can put it into the hearts of His children to pay the rent for a +house, or to give us the 500l. necessary to complete the building.--Weekly +subscription of 4s. December 29. A clergyman gave 10s. December 30. A +brother at Sidmouth sent 5l. + +January 1, 1836. Through a sister was given 6s., being six different +donations; also from herself 1l. as a donation, besides 1s. as a monthly +subscription. Also a lady sent through her 1l. 1s. as a yearly +subscription. Jan. 2. 4 sister sent 5l. Jan. 3. A gentleman sent 5s, Jan. +4. Weekly subscription of 4s. Through a brother from two friends, 1s. The +same brother brought also one dish, three plates, two basins, two cups and +saucers, and two knives and forks. Jan. 5. 10s., and 12s. 9d., and 2l. +were given. This evening some one rang our house bell. When the door was +opened, no one was there, but a kitchen fender and a dish were found at +the door, which, no doubt, were given for the Orphan-House. + +Jan. 7. 10s. was sent. Jan. 8. 2l. was given, also 10s. A sister offered +herself for the work. Jan. 9. From E. G. 1l. 5s., and from a brother 6d. +Jan. 10. 2s. 6d. was given. In the paper was written, "Two widows mites +for the Orphan-school. In the name of the Lord establish it." Jan. 11. +Weekly subscription 4s. Jan. 12. 6d., 6d., 4d., 4d., and 1d. were given. +Jan. 14. An old great coat was given; 1l. by a brother. A sister in Dublin +offered 2l. 12s. yearly. There was sent a deal box, a small looking-glass, +a candlestick, a jug, a basin, two plates, two knives and forks, and a tin +dish. + +All this money, and all these articles have been given, and all these +above-mentioned offers have been made, without my asking any individual +for anything; moreover, almost all has been sent from individuals +concerning whom I had naturally no reason to expect any thing, and some of +whom I never saw. Upon the ground of these facts, therefore, I am clearly +persuaded, that it is the will of the Lord that I should proceed in the +work, and I shall therefore now state something more definite than I could +in the former paper. + +1. If the Lord should not provide previous to the middle of February a +house in the way of gift, which in a few weeks may be occupied for an +Orphan-House, or put it into the heart of some one who loves Him to pay +the rent for one, or to lend us one for this purpose, I intend, God +willing, to rent certain suitable premises, which are to be had for about +50l. yearly. I purpose to take them for a twelvemonth, for that time would +be required, before the building could be finished, should the Lord +provide the above-mentioned 500l. + +2. It is intended, God willing, to open the institution about April 1. + +3. It is purposed to confine the Orphan-house, for the present, to female +children. My desire is to help both male and female orphans, and that from +their earliest youth; but hitherto the Lord has pointed out only a small +commencement. Should it, however, please Him to give me the means, and to +increase my faith and light, I shall gladly serve Him more extensively in +this way. It has appeared well to me to commence with female children, +because they are the more helpless sex, and they need more particularly to +be taken care of, that they may not fall a prey to vice. The house which +is to had will accommodate about 30 children, which number I intend to +receive at once, should the Lord give me the means to clothe that number, +and to furnish the house for so many; but, if not, I purpose, at all +events, the Lord willing, to commence the work, though with a smaller +number. + +4. It is intended to receive the children from the seventh to the twelfth +year, and to let them stay in the house, till they are able to go to +service. + +5. As the children will be brought up for service, they will be employed +in useful household work. + +GEORGE MUeLLER. + +Bristol, Jan. 16, 1836. + +Jan. 24. Today brother Craik preached once for the first time. Jan. 30. +Today I went to meet two sisters, who were expected from London. I sat +down in the coach office, took out my Bible, and began to read; and though +in the midst of the noise of the city, the Lord most especially refreshed +my soul, so much so, that I remember scarcely ever to have had more real +communion with Him, which lasted for more than an hour. It was the love of +Christ which led me there. I would gladly have remained at home, to have +had time for prayer and reading the Word, especially as I had to leave the +house early in the morning. Yet I went for the Lord's sake, and He gave me +a blessing: so that, though I had to wait more than two hours, and after +all the sisters did not arrive, I was richly repaid. May I but leave +myself more and more in His hands! He orders all things well! + +February 3. I have been very weak for some days. This evening brother +Craik was able to preach instead of me, for the first time at the week +meetings. How good is the Lord in restoring him thus far! Feb. 16. Today +was a day of thanksgiving on account of brother Craik's restoration. We +had three public meetings. Feb. 17. I had been repeatedly praying today +far a text, but obtained none. About five minutes before the time of +preaching, I was directed to Rev. ii. 19, on which I preached with much +assistance and enjoyment to my own soul, without any previous preparation; +and the word was felt by many to be a word in season. Feb. 26. This +evening both churches met at tea together, with the brethren and sisters +who intend to leave us in a few days for missionary work. Feb. 29. This +evening we had a meeting on behalf of the missionary brethren and sisters. +They were by seven brethren commended to the Lord in prayer. + +March 1. This afternoon brother and sister Groves, and the brethren and +sisters going with them for missionary purposes, twelve in number, left us +for the East Indies. In consequence of the journey to the Continent, at +the commencement of last year, four brethren and two sisters have gone +out, two brethren in October last, and two brethren and two sisters today. +This evening we had again a prayer meeting for the dear missionary party. +May the Lord soon give us the privilege of seeing some one of our own +number go forth. April 21. This day was set apart for prayer and +thanksgiving concerning the Orphan-House, as it is now opened. In the +morning several brethren prayed, and brother Craik spoke on the last +verses of Psalm xx. In the afternoon I addressed our Day and Sunday-School +children, the orphans and other children present. In the evening we had +another prayer-meeting. There are now 17 children in the Orphan-House. + +May 3. I have now been for many days praying for the supply of our own +temporal wants, and for the funds of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution; +but, as yet, I have had not only no answers to my prayer, but our income +has been less than usual, and we have had also but very little coming in +for the funds of the Institution. We have not been able to put by our +taxes, and expect them daily to be called for. My clothes also are now +worse than any I ever wore, and I have also but one suit. May 6. I have +now been for some years, and especially these last few months, more or +less thinking and praying respecting publishing a short account of the +Lord's dealings with me. Today I have at last settled to do so, and have +begun to write. + +May 16. For these several weeks our income has been little; and though I +had prayed many times that the Lord would enable us to put by the taxes, +yet the prayer remained unanswered. In the midst of it all, my comfort was +that the Lord would send help by the time it would be needed. One thing +particularly has been a trial to us of late, far more than our own +temporal circumstances, which is, that we have scarcely in any measure +been able to relieve the distress among the poor saints. Today, the Lord +at last, after I had many times prayed to Him for these weeks past, +answered my prayers, there being 7l. 12s. 0 1/4d. given to me as my part +of the free-will offerings through the boxes, two 5l. notes having been +put in yesterday, one for brother Craik and one for me. Thus the Lord has +again delivered us, and answered our prayers, and that not one single hour +too late; for the taxes have not as yet been called for. May He fill my +heart with gratitude for this fresh deliverance, and may He be pleased to +enable me more and more to trust in Him, and to wait patiently for His +help! May He also be pleased to teach me more and more the meaning of that +word, with reference to my own circumstances:--"Mine hour is not yet came." + +A third statement, containing the announcement of the opening of the +Orphan-House for destitute female children, and a proposal for the +establishment of an Infant Orphan-House, was on May 18th, 1836, sent to +the press, and is here reprinted. + +Opening of the Orphan-House for Destitute Female Children, established in +Bristol, in connexion with the Scriptural Knowledge Institution for Home +and Abroad; and Proposal for the Establishment of an Infant-Orphan-House. + +In a previous printed account, a statement has been given of the success +with which the Lord has been pleased to crown the prayers of His servant, +respecting the establishment of an Orphan-House in this city. The subject +of my prayer was, that He would graciously provide a house, either as a +loan, or as a gift, or that some one might be led to pay the rent for one; +further, that He would give me 1000l. for the object, and likewise +suitable individuals to take care of the children. A day or two after, I +was led to ask, in addition to the above, that he would put it into the +hearts of His people to send me articles of furniture, and some clothes +for the children. In answer to these petitions, 184l. 2s. 6d. and many +articles of furniture and clothing were sent, a conditional offer of a +house, as a gift, was made, and individuals proposed themselves to take +care of the children, the particulars of which have been given in the +statement already referred to, dated Jan. 16, 1836. I shall now proceed to +show how, since that time, the Lord has continued to answer my prayers. + +January 16, 1836, there was given 6d., six yards of calico, three plates, +a cup and saucer, and a jug. January 18, 4s. Jan. 19, a saucepan and +steamer, a tin dish, a teapot, some drugget; also 4d., and 1s. Jan. 21. +1l., also 5s. Jan. 22. 2s. 6d. Jan. 23. A brother gave 5s., the first +fruits of the increase of his salary. Jan. 24. 5s.; also 1l., and 1l. Jan. +25. A brother promised to give 50l. within a twelvemonth, with the +particular object of thus securing the payment of the rent of a house. +Thus the Lord has answered the prayer respecting this point. There were +also given 1l., 6d. and 4s. Jan. 27. A form was sent. Jan. 28. A deal +table was given, also, anonymously, were sent a coal box and 4s., also a +bedstead. Jan. 29. Two little waiters, two candlesticks, two chandeliers, +two night shades, a tin kettle, a warmer, a bread basket, a fire guard; +also one dozen tin cups, six plates, and 1s. 6d.; also 1s., a water jug, +six plates, a sugar basin, a teapot, a tea canister, and a knife. Jan. 30. +A frying pan, a tea canister, a metal teapot, a tin dish, a pepper box, a +flour scoop, a skimmer, a grater, two tin saucepans, a tin warmer, 55 +thimbles, five parcels of hooks and eyes; also 1l. Jan. 31. 5l. 5s.; an +old white dress and a fur tippet. + +February 1. 4s., 2s. 6d., also a sister in the Lord offered today to make +the bonnets for the children gratuitously, if any one would buy the straw, +and that her husband would make a bedstead, if any one would buy the wood; +she also mentioned that they would gladly give both the straw and the +wood, if they had the means. Feb. 2. 6d., 2d and out of the box in my room +was taken 3s. Feb. 4. 2s. 6d.,6d.; also a desk and a kitchen table; there +was also promised a subscription of 8s. annually. Feb. 5. 1s. 6d. Feb. 6. +A brother sent 100l., being induced to do so an having had the former +paper read to him. Feb. 7. 1l. 2s., 1s., 6d., 2s. 6d., 5s., 2s. 6d., 5s., +2s. 6d., 3l. 10s. Feb. 8. A table and two chairs, 4s., 5l., also 30l. was +sent from Ireland; 10s., 10s., 1l. Feb. 9. 1l., 4s. 1d., 10s., 1s. 1d., +1s. 1d., 1s., 1s., 1s., 1s., 1d., 5s., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., +2s. 6d., 6d., 6d., 6d., 4d., 4d., 1d., 1s. Feb. 11. Three yards of print, +2s. 6d., 5s.; 5s., 10s. Feb. 12. A clothes' horse, a coffee pot, and 1s.; +also a washing tub, a coffee mill, a pepper mill, two dozen pieced of +bobbin, three dozen stay laces, two dozen thimbles, two dozen bodkins, 300 +needles, a gridiron, six pots of blacking paste, a pound of thread, and a +large deal table. Feb. 14. 10s., 1l., put anonymously into Bethesda boxes, +for the Orphan-House. Feb. 15. Two glass salt cellars, a mustard pot, a +vinegar cruet, and a pepper box, also 4s., 4d., 4d., 4d., 4d., 2s. 6d. +Feb. 16. 4d. 1s., 4d., Feb. 17. 5s. Feb. 18. A bedstead, and by two poor +persons, 2d. Feb. 19. There were sent from London 34 yards of print, six +yards of calico, one dozen pocket handkerchiefs, four pairs of stockings, +and two New Testaments. Feb. 20. Two salt cellars, two mugs, two plates, +also two pocket handkerchiefs. Feb. 21. 1l. Feb. 22. 4s., 1s. Feb. 23. +Twelve yards of gingham from two Swiss sisters. Feb. 25. 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d. +Feb. 28. 1l. Feb. 29. 1l., 5s., 4s. + +March 2. 1l., 1s., 1s. 6d., 1s., 1s., 1s., 1/2d., 2s., 1s., 1s., 2s. 6d.; +also out of the box in my room, 1l. 2s. 6d.; two large iron pots were sent +anonymously. March 4. 10l., 10s., 3s., 7d., 10s., 2s. 6d., 10s., 10s., +3s.; all these offerings were sent from Clapham; also a desk. March 5. +Some fancy worsted and 1s., the produce of the sale of some old map +rollers. March 7. 4s., 10s., 5s., 5s., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s., 2s. 6d., +5s.; all these offerings were sent from Cleve, also 5s.; also, from a +distance of about 100 miles, was sent the valuable and useful present of +five pewter dishes, three dozen pewter plates, three dozen metal spoons, +two coral necklaces, a pair of coral earrings, and a large gold brooch--the +trinkets to be sold for the benefit of the Orphan-House. Also from the +same place was sent 10s. "which had been laid up for a time of need, but +which were sent because the donor thought that the time of trust in the +Lord in Bristol was her time of need to give." + +March 10. 8s., 1s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 6d., 6d., 6d., 1d., 4d., 4d., 4d., 5s., +2s. March 11. 1l., 5s. March 13. A little girl sent, from a distance of +more than 200 miles, 2s. 6d. March 14. A brother at Plymouth promised to +send 20l., also 4s. were given. March 15. 7d., 10s., 6d., 1s., 1s., 1d., +6d. March 16. 1s.; anonymously was sent from London 1l., also 2s. 6d. +March 18. 10 s. March 19. 3s., 1s., 4d., 4d., 4d., 4d. March 21. 4s. March +22. 1l. March 23. A large deal box, also anonymously six dishes. March 24. +5s. March 25. A ton of coals. March 27. 1l., 1l., 1l., 10s.; these +offerings were sent from Trowbridge, also 10s. From the Isle of Wight, +2l., 2l., 1l., 10s., a large piece of green baize, and two metal spoons. +March 28. 1l., 4s., 3d., 31., 10 s., 6s., 10 s., 2s. 6d., 5s., 5s., also +an iron kettle and some drugget. March 29. 1s. 3d., 1s. 3d., 1s., 1s. 6d. +March 31. 2s. + +April 2. 1s., 2s. 6d., 6d., 6d., also six blankets, two counterpanes, +four sheets, eight bonnets, five frocks, six pinafores, with the promise +to send also six chemises (sent since). April 4. 4s., 1s., 1s., 8d., 1s., +1d., 1s., 3d., 6s., 2s. 6d., 1l., 1l., 3s., also 14 tippets, three +pinafores, one frock, three chemises (two more promised), six flannel +petticoats; also six stuff petticoats; also six flannel petticoats (and +six chemises promised), also a sheet. April 5. 2l., 7s., 6d., 6d., 4d., +4d., 1d., 4d., 6d. April 6. One dozen of washing basins and one jug. April +7. 2s. 2d., 3s., 1s., 2s. 2d., 1s. 1d. April 8. 10s., 10s., 6d., 1s., 2s., +also a bench. April 9. 4d., 4d., 4d., 4d., 2s., also three knives and +forks, also some marking ink. April 10. Two patent locks. April 11. 4s. +April 12. 1s., 8d., 2s., a jug, also twelve bonnets and six tippets. April +13. A set of fire irons, a tea kettle, a coal box, a tin saucepan, a +tripod, a tea pot, three cups and saucers, a wash-hand basin, three small +basins, and two plates. April 15. 10s., 10s. April 16. 5l., also 1l. and +22 Hymn Books. Also anonymously were sent two dozen pocket handkerchiefs, +also a hymn, "The Orphan's Hope," in a frame. April 17. A cask, also a +hundred weight of treacle, and 36 pounds of moist sugar. + +April 18, 4s. April 19. 2s. 6d., 1s. April 20. A new bedstead. From +Clapham were sent 21l. and 11l., likewise three flannel petticoats, some +print, six frocks, four pinafores, seven tippets, 12 caps, 14 chemises, 24 +furnished work bags, 12 pocket handkerchiefs, 16 pairs of stockings, one +pair of sleeves; besides this, with an orphan child, was sent from +Clapham, a complete new outfit. + +April 21. 2l., 2s., 1s., 6d., 6d., 6d., 5s., 2s., also two candlesticks, +a pepper box, and a handkerchief. April 22. 1s., 10s., 2s. 6d., 2s. 2 +3/4d., also a long handled brush and 6d., also an ironing blanket, and 32 +yards of flannel. April 23. 2l., 5s., 10s., a cheese, and 18 pounds of +beef. April 25. 1s. and eight plates. April 26. 6d., 6d., 5s. April 27. +10d. April 28. 1s., also two tons of coal, also two patch-work quilts, 15 +work bags and pin-cushions, 12 needle cases, three little bags, one +tippet, two pairs of stockings, one kettle holder, also six pairs of +worsted stockings. + +May 2. 8s., 1l., 10 s. May 3. 8d., 2s. 6d., and a pair of shoes. May 4. A +gentleman and lady, who saw the Institution, left six chemises, seven +pocket handkerchiefs, two flannel petticoats, four pairs of stockings, and +four pairs of gloves; there were also sent 18 thimbles, a gross of +buttons, a gross of hooks and eyes. May 5. 2s. 6d., 1s. May 6. 15 pairs of +worsted stockings. May 7. 5s., 2s. 6d. May 8. 5s., 6d., 2s. 6d. May 9. +4s., 10s., 6d., 4d., 4d., 4d. May 10. 6d., 4d., 6d., 6d., 4d., 1d., 4d., +2s. May 11. 1l., 2s. 6d., 1s. May 13. A bonnet, also a dish, sent by a +poor person in an almshouse; a well-wisher sent, for little orphan boys, +six frock pinafores, six little shirts, six frocks and trousers. May 14. 9 +pounds of soap. May 15. S. S. 2s. 6d. May 16. 4s. May 17. Out of the box +in the Orphan-House, 3s. 0 1/2d., also 1s. + +1. It may be well to state, that the above results have followed in +answer to prayer, without any one having been asked by me for one single +thing, from which I have refrained, not on account of want of confidence +in the brethren, or because I doubted their love to the Lord, but that I +might see the hand of God so much the more clearly. For as the work has +been begun without any visible support, in dependence only upon the living +God, it was of the utmost importance to be sure of His approbation at the +very commencement. + +2. From this statement, and from that contained in the last printed +account, it will be seen how the Lord, in a great measure, has already +answered the petition of December 5, 1835; for a house has been given, +suitable individuals have offered themselves to take care of the children, +and much more furniture, and many more articles of clothing have been sent +than I ever had expected. The only part of the prayer, which has not been +as yet quite fulfilled, is, that which respects the 1000l., which, +however, the Lord, I doubt not, will likewise send in His own time. In the +meantime, let my brethren help me to praise Him, that He has sent already +more than one half of that sum, and therefore more than for the present +has been needed. + +3. So far as I remember, I brought even the most minute circumstances +concerning the Orphan-House before the Lord in my petitions, being +conscious of my own weakness and ignorance. There was, however, one point +I never had prayed about, namely, that the Lord would send children; for I +naturally took it for granted that there would be plenty of applications. +The nearer, however, the day came, which had been appointed for receiving +applications, the more I had a secret consciousness, that the Lord might +disappoint my natural expectations, and show me that I could not prosper +in one single thing without Him. The appointed time came, and not even one +application was made. I had before this been repeatedly tried, whether I +might not, after all, against the Lord's mind, have engaged in the work. +This circumstance now led me to lie low before my God in prayer the whole +of the evening, February 3, and to examine my heart once more as to all +the motives concerning it; and being able, as formerly, to say, that His +glory was my chief aim, i.e., that it might be seen that it is not a vain +thing to trust in the living God,--and that my second aim was the spiritual +welfare of the orphan-children,--and the third their bodily welfare; and +still continuing in prayer, I was at last brought to this state, that I +could say from my heart, that I should rejoice in God being glorified in +this matter, though it were by bringing the whole to nothing. But as +still, after all, it seemed to me more tending to the glory of God, to +establish and prosper the Orphan-House, I could then ask Him heartily, to +send applications. I enjoyed now a peaceful state of heart concerning the +subject, and was also more assured than ever that God would establish it. +The very next day, February 4, the first application was made, and since +then 42 more have been made. + +4. The house mentioned in the last printed account, which we had intended +to rent, having been let before any applications had been made, and +nothing more having been done about the premises offered as a gift, on +account of the want of money needed to complete the building, I rented, at +least for one year, the house No. 6, Wilson Street, as being, on account +of its cheapness and largeness, very suitable, and in which, up to March +25th, I had been living myself. Having furnished it for 30 children, we +began an April 11th, 1836, to take them in, and on April 21st the +Institution was opened by a day being set apart for prayer and +thanksgiving. There are now 26 children in the house, and a few more are +expected daily. They are under the care of a matron and governess. + +5. In the last printed account it was mentioned that we intended to take +in the children from the seventh to the twelfth year. But after six +applications had been made for children between four and six years of age, +it became a subject of solemn and prayerful consideration, whether, as +long as there were vacancies, such children should not be received, though +so young. For it appeared to me, that if it becomes the saints to care in +this way, according to their ability, for those whom God has bereaved of +both parents, when they become seven years of age, that it becomes them +equally so, to take care of them whilst they are under seven years, and +therefore completely unable to help themselves. Further, orphan children +are often left to themselves, and thus, at the age of 11 or 12 years, have +already made much progress in wickedness. Therefore I came at last to the +conclusion to take in the little girls under seven years of age, for whom +application had been made. Further, there are exceedingly few institutions +in the kingdom, in which infant orphans are received, and provided with +scriptural education. Further, it has been repeatedly brought before me, +how desirable it would be to establish also in this city an orphan-house +for male children, and there were even the above-mentioned articles sent +for little orphan boys. Partly, then, on account of these reasons; and +partly, because the Institution already opened will be quite filled in a +few days, and applications continue to be made; and partly, because the +Lord has done hitherto far above what I could have expected: I have at +last, after repeated prayer, come to the conclusion, in the name of the +Lord, and in dependence upon Him alone for support, to propose the +establishment of an Infant-Orphan-House. It is intended to open this +Institution, as soon as suitable premises and individuals, to take care of +the children, &c., have been obtained. + +a. It is intended to receive into this Infant-Orphan-House destitute male +and female infants bereaved of both parents, from their earliest days up +to the seventh year, and to provide them with food, clothing, needful +attendance, and Scriptural education. + +b. It is intended to let the female children stay up to the seventh year +in the Infant-Orphan-House, and then to remove them to the Institution +already opened, till they are able to go to service. + +c. It is also intended, as far as the Lord may help, to provide for the +boys, when they are above seven years, though we cannot at present say in +what manner. + +In proposing the establishment of this second Orphan-House, I do it in +the same simple dependence upon God alone, as in the case of the former. +And feeling my own weakness, and knowing that it is not in my power to +give faith to myself, I ask the brethren to help me with their prayers, +that my faith may not fail. + +6. To avoid misunderstandings, I would expressly state, that both the +last mentioned Institution, and the one already opened, are for orphan +children living in any part of the United. Kingdom. + +GEORGE MUeLLER. + +Bristol, May 18, 1836. + +June 3. From May 16 up to this day I have been confined to the house, and +a part of the time to my bed, on account of a local inflammation, which +keeps me from walking. Almost every day during this time I have been able +to continue writing a narrative of the Lord's dealings with me, which had +been again laid aside after May 7, on account of a number of pressing +engagements. It is very remarkable, that the greatest objection against +writing it for the press was want of time. Now, through this affliction, +which leaves my mind free, and gives me time, on account of confinement to +the house, I have been able to write about 100 quarto pages. May the Lord +in mercy teach me about this matter! + +June 8. I am still getting better. The abscess is now open. This +affliction has been, by the mercy of the Lord, an exceedingly light one. +Not one day have I had severe pain, and not one day have I been kept +altogether from working. June 9. I was able to go again today to the +Orphan-House, and to read the Scriptures with the children. This day came +three more children, who have made up our number, so that there are now +thirty in the house. + +June 11. I am, by the mercy of God, still getting better, but, as yet, +unable to walk about. All this week I have been again enabled to go on +writing for the press. June 12. Today the Lord very kindly allowed me to +preach again, and that most undeservedly, and much sooner than I could +have expected. June 14. This morning, brother C-r and I prayed unitedly, +chiefly about the schools and the circulation of the Scriptures. Besides +asking for blessings upon the work, we have also asked the Lord for the +means which are needed; for on July 1, 17l. 10s. will be due for the rent +of school-rooms, and, besides this, we want at least 40l. more to go on +with the circulation of the Scriptures, to pay the salaries of the +masters, &c. Towards all this we have only about 7l. I also prayed for the +remainder of the 1000l. for the Orphan-House. + +June 18. We have had, for many weeks past, generally little money for our +personal expenses, which has been a trial to us, not on our own account, +but because we have thus been able to do but very little for the poor +brethren. Today, Saturday, we have 3s. left, just enough to pay for a fly +to take me to and bring me back from Bethesda tomorrow, as I am unable to +walk. This money we should not have had, but for our baker, a brother, who +refused today to take money for the usual quantity of bread, which we +daily take. + +June 21. This evening brother C-r and I found, that the Lord has not only +been pleased to send us, through the offerings which have come in during +the last week, in answer to our prayers, the 17l. 10s. which will be due +for the rent of two school-rooms on July 1st, but that we have 5l. more +than is needed. Thus the Lord once more has answered our prayers. + +June 25. Saturday. We have been again helped through this week, as it +regards our personal need, and have 3s. left, though we had many shillings +to pay for driving about. Now the Lord has put it into the hearts of some +of His children, to provide me with a fly every Lord's-day, as long as I +may need it. + +July 1. Today a suit of new clothes was given to me, which came very +seasonably. May this fresh instance of the Lord's loving-kindness lead me +to love Him more; and may He also be pleased richly to reward those +brethren, who have thus ministered to my need! July 16. Today a brother +sent me a new hat, the seventh which in succession has been given to me. + +July 28. For some weeks past we have not been able to pay the salary of +the masters and governesses a month in advance, but have been obliged to +pay it weekly. Brother C-r and I have lately prayed repeatedly together +respecting the funds, but we were now brought so low, that we should not +have been able to pay even this weekly salary of the teachers, had not the +Lord most remarkably helped us again today. For besides 1l. which was +given to us, this evening a brother gave 8l., which sum had been made up +by a number of his workmen paying weekly one penny each, of their own +accord, towards our funds. The money had been collecting for many months, +and, in this our necessity, it had been put into the heart of this brother +to bring it. My faith has been greatly strengthened through this +circumstance. For before today, though I have never been in the least +allowed to doubt the Lord's faithfulness, I did not understand His purpose +in His dealings with us of late, in not sending us more than we have +needed just to be kept from stopping; and I have sometimes thought, +whether it might not be His will, on account of my want of faithfulness in +His work, to decrease the field; but now I see, that notwithstanding my +unworthiness, His allowing us to pray so frequently, was only that the +deliverance might be felt so much the more when it came. + +July 29. This evening from six to half-past nine we had again a meeting +for inquirers. There came twelve fresh cases before us, and there were six +more than we could see. Thus we saw, that the work of the Lord, even as it +regards conversion, is still going on among us. + +October 1. Today, in dependence upon the Lord alone for means, we engaged +a brother as a master for a sixth day school. Last Saturday, for the first +time, we were so low in funds, that we needed 1l. more than we had, to pay +the salaries a week in advance; but one sister, on account of the death of +her father, as we afterwards learned, was kept from calling for her money, +and on the next day we received more than was needed to pay her. On +account, therefore, of the many deliverances which we have had of late, we +have not hesitated to enlarge the field, as another boys' school was +greatly needed, there having been many applications for admission standing +these several months past. + +October 5. This evening 25l. was given to me for the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution. Thus the Lord has already given the means of defraying the +expenses of the new boys' school for some months to come. + +October 19. Today, after having many times prayed respecting this matter, +I have at last engaged a sister as matron for the Infant-Orphan-House, +never having been able, up to this day, to meet with an individual who +seemed suitable: though there has been money enough in hand for some time +past for commencing this work, and there have been also applications made +for several infant orphans. + +October 25. Today we obtained without, any trouble, through the kind hand +of God, very suitable premises for the Infant-Orphan-House. If we had laid +out many hundred pounds in building a house, we could scarcely have built +one more suitable for the purpose. How evident is the hand of God in all +these matters! How important to leave our concerns, great and small, with +Him; for He arranges all things well! If our work be His work, we shall +prosper in it. + +November 30. On account, as I suppose, of many pressing engagements, I +had not been led for some time past to pray respecting the funds. But +being in great need, I was led yesterday morning, earnestly to ask the +Lord, and in answer to this petition a brother gave me last evening 10l. +He had had it in his heart for several months past, to give this sum, but +had been hitherto kept from it, not having the means. Just now, in this +our great necessity, the Lord furnished him with the means, and we were +helped in this way. In addition to this 10l., I received last evening a +letter with 5l., from a sister whom I never saw, and who has been several +times used by God as an instrument to supply our wants. She writes thus: +"It has been so much on my mind lately to send you some money, that I feel +as if there must be some need, which the Lord purposes to honour me by +making me the instrument of supplying. I therefore enclose you 5l., all I +have in the house at this moment; but if you have occasion for it, and +will let me know, I will send you as much more." Besides these two +donations, I received today 3l. 3s. + +December 15. This day was set apart for prayer and thanksgiving +respecting the Infant-Orphan-House, which was opened on November 28. In +the morning we had a prayer-meeting. In the afternoon, besides prayer and +thanksgiving, I addressed the children of our day-schools and the orphans, +about 350, on Ecclesiastes xii. 1. In the evening I gave a further account +of the Orphan-Houses, commencing from the time when the last printed +account had been issued, dated May 18, 1836. The substance of this account +was printed, and is reprinted here for the sake of those who are as yet +unacquainted with it. + +Further account of the Orphan-House for Female Orphans above Seven Years +of Age; and Opening of the Infant-Orphan-House, for destitute Male and +Female Orphans under Seven Years of Age. + +It is now a twelve-month since the proposal for the establishment of an +Orphan-House was first made. Since then the Lord has given me almost all I +requested of Him, and in some respects even more. This was in part stated +in the last two papers which were printed on this subject dated January +16, and May 18, 1836. Of the 1,000l. which I had asked of God on December +5, 1835, I had actually received on May 18, 1836, 450l. 13s. 6 3/4d.; and +besides this, 70l. had been promised by two brethren. As it regards +premises, articles of clothing, furniture, &c., I had received even beyond +my petition. I have now the pleasure of detailing, still further, how God +has continued to answer my prayer since May 18, 1836. + +May 19th was given 1l. 23rd 1l. and 4s. There were also sent two buckets +and 1s. 24th., 10 s. 6d., 2d., 1s. 6d. 25th, one pound of butter, 2s., +1s., 1s. There was also sent 14s., and in the paper was written: "The +history of this money is: A lady was going to purchase a dress. The +enclosed sum was the difference between the fashionable one, which took +her fancy, and one less fashionable. So she thought, the orphans should +profit by this sacrifice of her fancy." May 27th, there was left at my +house a sovereign, and in the paper was written: 1 Thess. v. 25." [Pause +with me a few moments, dear reader, before going on with the account. In +preparing the third edition for the press, I have been struck with the +very many cases in which individuals, who are spoken of in this narrative, +are no more in the land of the living. So it is with the two donors of the +last mentioned sums. The dear sister who would not indulge her fancy in +having a more fashionable dress, but who would rather give the fourteen +shillings, which thus could be saved, to the orphans, has been with her +Lord for more than two years. Will she regret not having indulged her +fancy in that instance? Will she now suffer loss on account of it? Surely +not!--The dear brother who gave the sovereign, was a gracious devoted +clergyman of the City of Bristol. He had written in the paper in which the +sovereign was enclosed, "1 Thess. v. 25." ("Brethren, pray for us.") This +dear man of God does now no longer need our prayers. He entered into his +rest several years ago. Yet a little while, dear believing reader, and, if +the coming of the Lord prevent not, we too shall fall asleep in Jesus. +Therefore, let us work, "while it is day: the night cometh, when no man +can work." And, "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might: +for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom in the grave, +whither thou goest."--But how would it be with you, dear reader, if you +are unprepared, and should be taken out of the world? Let me beseech you +to seek the Lord while He may be found. Jesus died to save sinners. He +shed His blood. He fulfilled the law of God, and died the JUST for the +UNJUST: and whosoever depends for salvation upon His perfect obedience, +and upon His sufferings and death, shall be saved; for God has said it.] +May 28th, A fender and two coal scuttles. 29th, 5l. 30th, 4s. Also 2s. +6d., with two gowns and a tippet. The brother who left a sovereign with "1 +Thess. v. 25," gave today 10s. more; 2s. 4d. June 1st, from a few sisters +in Dublin, nine pocket handkerchiefs, 19 1/2 yards of stuff, and forty-two +yards of print. 4th, 5s. 6d., eighteen little books. 5th, 6d., 4d., 4d., +4d. 6th, 4s. 7th, 5s. 1d., 2l. 2s. 6d. 8th, 4d., 1s., 1s., 3s. 9th, six +pairs of gentlemen's trousers, two coats, one waistcoat, five pairs of +socks, two gowns--all worn. 10th, 1l., also from a friend in Ireland 1l. +12th, S. S. 2s. 6d. 13th, 4s., 5l. 14th, 1s. 1d., 1s., 2s. 6d., 6d., 1s., +2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 3s. 3d., 1s. 1d., 1s. 1d. 15th, a brother at Plymouth +sent 25l., 20l. of which had been previously promised. 18th, 1l., 1d., 6 +1/4 pounds of bacon, a form, a chopping knife. 19th, 1l. 1s., 10s.; 12s. +by sale of ornaments. 20th, 4s. Also from Teignmouth, 5s., 5s., 2s. 6d., +2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 3l., 10s., 2s. 6d., 1s. 1d., 5s., together with +a gown, a boy's pinafore, a pair of socks, coloured cotton for three +children's frocks, two babies' bed gowns, and five babies' night caps. +21st, 5l. 10s., 6d., 4d., 2d., 4d., 2d., 6d., 6d., twenty pounds of bacon +and ten pounds of cheese. 22d, box in the Orphan-House, 2s. 4d. 24th, 2s. +6d., 3s. 8 1/2d. 27th, 4s. 28th, 2s. 6d., 4s., 4d., 6d., 10s., 6s. 6d. +29th, six straw bonnets. 30th, 5s., 2l. July 4th, 6d., 4d., 4d., 4d., 4s. +There was also sent from "two orphans" 48l., 1s. 1d., 10s., 8s. 6d., 2s. +6d., 1s. 1d., 1s. 1d., 1s. 1d., 1s. 4d. 5th, 1s., 1s. 2d., 3d., 4s., 4d., +1s. 6th, six new cane chairs. 7th, 2l., 12s., 10s., 2s. 8th, 1s., 2s. 6d., +3s. 10th, 10s., 10s., 1l., 1l. 11th, 8s., 13s. 12th, 13s. 2d. 13th, 12s. +14th, there were sent six chemises, which had been promised on April 14th. +Also fourteen pin cushions. 15th, six night caps and 2 petticoats. 20th, +10s., 5s., 1l., 6d., 2d., 6d., 6d., 4d., 6d., 4d., 2d., 4d. 24th, 1l. +25th, 8s., S. S. 5s. Also 25 3/4 yards of print, 12 little shawls and 16 +yards of flannel. 26th, box in the Orphan-House 5s. 9d., 4d. 27th, two +pairs of shoes. 28th, 3s. 8 1/2d. 29th, 2s. 6d., 6d., 4d., 4d., 4d. August +1st, 4s., 1l. 10., two chemises, three night caps, and ten pocket +handkerchiefs; two chemises, three night caps, and six pocket +handkerchiefs. 2nd, 8d., 1s., 1s. 3d., 1s. 3d., 1s., 1s., 6d.., 5s., 2s. +6d., 1s., 1d., 1d., one patch work quilt. 5th, 6s. 8th, 4s. 10th, a box, +six canisters, and an inkstand, 13th, 5s. 15th, 1l., S. S. 2s. 6d., 4s. +16th, 6d., 6d., 4d., 4d., 4d., 6d., 1s., 1s. 6d. 19th, 1s. 2 1/2d. 23rd, +1s., 10s., 1l., 2s. 6d. September 1st, 1s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s., 1s., 4d., +6d., 4d., 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 1s. 6d., 6d., 6d., 2d., 1l., 1l., twelve +chemises, one worn stuff frock, 4d., 4d., a basket of apples, and three +pounds of sugar. 3rd, 1l., 5l. 5th, 12s. 7th, 5s., 2s. 6d. 8th, 5s. 13th, +1s., 1s., 1s., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 3d., 1s., 1s. 1d., +1s. 1d., 2d., 6d., 6d., 2s. 6d., 6d. 14th, 1l., 10s., 10s., 14 pinafores, +a basket of apples. 19th, 8s., 2s. 6d. Box in the Orphan-House 1l. 6s. 1 +1/4d., 10s. 20th, 6d., 6d., 4d., 4d., 1d, 4d. 27th, several numbers of the +"Record" were sent to be sold for the benefit of the Orphan-House, 4d., +4d., 2s., 2s. 6d. 30th, 1l. was given as "A Thank-offering for spiritual +mercies vouchsafed to a child." Also Mr. B-sen., Surgeon, kindly +offered, today, to give his attendance and medicine gratuitously to the +orphans. October 1st, 6d., 4d., 4d., 4d. A worn cloak. 3rd, 5s., 3s. 3d., +1s. A gallon of dried peas. 4th, 1l. 3s. 6d. 10th, 4s., 1s. 1d., 1s. 1d., +1s. 1d., 1s. 11th, 10s., 2d., 6d., 3s. 3d. 14th, 4 1/2 gallons of beer. +16th, three tippets, 8d., 4d., 5s., 5s., 5s., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 10s., +10s., 2s., 1s., 1s., 2s. 6d., 5s. 17th, 4s. 18th, 10s., 6d., 6d., 4d., +4d., 6d., 1d., 4d., 1s. 19th, 1l. 24th, 4s. 25th, three frocks, two +pinafores, two tippets, three pairs of sleeves, 10s., 10s., 4d., 1s. 27th, +three tippets. Anonymously was sent by post, 10s., with the request that +prayer should be made for the donor, for divine guidance under +circumstances of much doubt and anxiety. 29th, 12 cloth tippets. 31st, 4s. +November 2nd, 1s. 3d., 1s. 3d., 1s. 4th, two little cloaks, four quarterns +of bread. 5th, two turkeys, 6d., 4d., 4d., 4d. There was also given by a +brother L100.--L50. of which was previously promised, to ensure the rent +for premises. It is a remarkable fact concerning this donation, that I +had, in December of last year, repeatedly asked the Lord to incline the +heart of this brother to give one hundred pounds, and I made a memorandum +of this prayer in my journal of December 12, 1835. On January 25th, 1836, +fifty pounds was promised by him, and on November 5, fifty pounds besides +that sum was given; but it was not till some days after, that I +remembered, that the very sum, for which I had asked the Lord, had been +given. Thus we often may receive an answer to prayer, and scarcely +remember that it is an answer. When it came to my mind that this prayer +had been noted down in my journal, and I showed it to the donor, we +rejoiced together; he, to have been the instrument in giving, and I to +have had, the request granted. November 6th, S. S. 7s. 6d. 7th, +anonymously was sent a ton of coals, 4s., one petticoat, two pairs of +gloves, two ruffs. 8th, 5l., 2s. 2d., 3s., 2s. 2d., 2s. 2d., 1s. 6d., 2d., +6d., 1s. 6d., 2s. 6d., 2s. 6d. 14th, there was given 20l. for the +Orphan-house, and 20l. for the Infant-Orphan-House. Both papers, +in which the money was enclosed, contained these words: "If the +Lord prolongs the life of the unworthy giver of the enclosed, the +same sum will be given at Christmas."--It has been more than once +observed to me that I could not expect to continue to receive large +sums; for that persons, when first such an institution is established, +might be stirred up to give liberally, but that afterwards one had to look +to a number of regular subscribers, and that, if +those were lacking, it was not likely that such a +work could go on. On such occasions, I have said but little; +but I have had the fullest assurance, that it is a small matter +for the Lord to incline donors to give liberally, a second or +third time, if it were for our real welfare. And accordingly the donor, +above referred to, added to the first 50l. another 50l., and the last +mentioned benefactor, to the 50l., given on a former occasion, added +the just mentioned 40l., with the promise to give another 40l. +at Christmas. I would only add on this subject, that there are +some subscribers, and even some who give considerably; yet +I would state, for the Lord's glory, that if they were +twenty times as many, I should desire that my eyes might not be directed +to them, but to the Lord alone, and that I might be enabled to take the +payment of every subscription as a donation from HIM. On the +other hand, if there were no subscribers at all, yet the Lord, who +heareth prayer, is rich to give according to our need.--There +was given also today, "A widow's mite," 10s.--also 4d. November +14th, 4s., also four ducks. For the Infant-Orphan-House, five +frocks, four shirts, four chemises, a bed gown, two petticoats; three +quarterns bread. 15th 6d., 6d., 4d., 6d., 4d. 16th, by sale of trinkets, +1l. 5s., 4s. 18th, anonymously were sent a boy's cap, a bonnet, a small +piece of print. 19th, four quarterns of bread. 21st, 4s., 2s. 6d. 22nd, +4d., 6d., 6d. 23rd, three frocks, a tippet, six pairs of sheets, three +pairs of blankets. 25th, 12 hymn books, a worn cloak, a new tent bedstead. +27th, anonymously put into Bethesda boxes 5s. 28th, 4s. 29th, two turkeys. +30th, 10s., five yards of blanketing, a worn shawl. December 1st, a +patch-work quilt and five yards of print, 3d., 10s. 4th, 5l. 5s. +5th, 4s., 1l. 5s. 6th, 6d., 2d., a worn cloak, a petticoat, a piece +of linen for window curtains. 8th, box in the Orphan-House +2l. 4s. 1 1/2d. 9th, 1l. Also 1l. with "Mark ix. 36, 37," written on +the paper. A most encouraging passage for this work, the force of which I +had never felt before.--About a hundred weight of treacle. + +I. From this statement it appears, that 770l. 0s. 9 1/2d. has been +actually given, and that 40l. is promised. All the money, and all the +articles of furniture, clothing, provision, &c., have been given, without +one individual having been asked by me for anything, from which I have +still refrained, that the Lord's own hand might be clearly seen in the +matter, and that the whole might clearly appear as an answer to prayer. + +II. After frequent prayer, that, if it were the will of God, He would be +pleased to send us a Matron and Governess for the Infant-Orphan-House, +this petition also has been answered. In addition to this we obtained a +convenient house for the purpose, No. 1, Wilson Street, together with a +piece of ground for a play-ground; and we therefore began to furnish it on +November 21st, and on November 28th we took in the first children. + +III. Of late it has appeared well to us to employ some of the strongest +and eldest girls of the Orphan-House in the work of the +Infant-Orphan-House, under the direction of the Matron and +Governess. From this plan it appeared the following advantages would +result. 1st. Thus the wages which we should have to pay to assistants +would be saved. 2nd. Without any further expense to the Institution, +we should in this way be able to support five or six orphans more. +3rd. If thus the bigger girls of the Orphan-House pass through the +Infant-Orphan-House, before they are sent into service, they will be +accustomed to nursery work, which is so important for young servants. +4th. This plan would allow us to have the bigger girls longer under +our care, as we should have full employment for them. + +[In the original paper follow eight other paragraphs, containing the +audited account and various other points of information respecting the two +Orphan-Houses, which, at the time when this Report was issued, were of +importance to the donors, but are left out now, as it seems desirable to +make this edition of the Narrative as concise as may be. This plan has +also been adopted concerning the three previous papers, and will be +further adhered to.] + +GEORGE MUeLLER. + +Bristol, Dec. 20, 1836. + +December 31. We had this evening a prayer-meeting to praise the Lord for +His goodness during the past year, and to ask Him for a continuance of His +favours during the coming year. We continued together till half-past +eleven. During the past year there have been received into the church of +Gideon, 23 brethren and sisters, and into that of Bethesda, 29--altogether +52. Of these 52, 31 have been brought to the knowledge of the Lord through +the instrumentality of brother Craik and me. There have now been admitted +into Gideon Church, 79 brethren and sisters who have been converted +through our instrumentality, and 86 into the Church of Bethesda: 165 seals +to our ministry in Bristol. Besides this, several have fallen asleep in +the faith who never were in communion with us; several of our spiritual +children are connected with other churches in and out of Bristol; and many +are now standing as hopeful characters on the list of candidates for +fellowship. There have been added to the church of Gideon, since we came +to Bristol, 154; to the church at Bethesda, 193--altogether 347; so that +the number of both churches would be 415 (68 believers we found at +Gideon), had there been no changes; but: + +Of Gideon church are under +church discipline 5; of Bethesda 8; altogether 13 + +Do. have fallen asleep 15 do. 7 do. 22 + +Do. have left Bristol 12 do. 6 do. 18 + +Do. have left us, but are +still in Bristol . . 9 do. 4 do. 13 + +41 25 66 + +There are, therefore, at present, in fellowship with us at Gideon 181, +and at Bethesda 168--altogether 349. + +The Lord has been pleased to give me during the past year, as it regards +my temporal supplies:-- + +1. In offerings through the boxes L133 8s. 9d. + +2. In presents of money, from brethren in and out of Bristol L56 13s. 0d. + +3. Through family connexion L5 0s. 0d. + +4. Besides this have been sent to us clothes, provisions, &c., which were +worth to us at least L30 0s. 0d. + +5. We have been living half free of rent during the last nine months, +whereby we have saved at least L7 10s. 0d. + +Altogether L232 11s. 9d. + +January 2, 1837. This evening the two churches had again an especial +prayer-meeting, which was continued till half-past ten. + +January 5. Today a sister called and told me about the conversion of her +father, who, in his eightieth year, after having for many years lived +openly in sin, is at last brought to the knowledge of the Lord. May this +encourage the children of God to continue to pray for their aged parents +and other persons; for this sister had long prayed for the conversion of +her father, and at last, though only after twenty years, the Lord gave her +the desire of her heart. It was an especial refreshment to my spirit to +hear the particulars of this case, as I had known so much of the sinful +life of this aged sinner. + +January 31, and February 2. These two days we have had especial meetings +for prayer and humiliation, on account of the influenza, to acknowledge +the hand of God in this chastisement, as the disease is so prevalent in +Bristol. + +April 8. There are now 60 Children in the two Orphan-Houses, 30 in each. + +April 22. The Lord has mercifully stayed the typhus fever in the +Orphan-House, in answer to prayer. There were only two cases, and +the children are recovering. + +April 24. This evening we had a comfortable meeting with 30 brethren and +sisters over the Word. (Of late brother Craik and I have frequently set +apart an evening, generally once a week, to meet with ten, twenty or +thirty brethren and sisters, to take tea with them, and to spend the rest +of the evening in prayer and meditation over the Scriptures. We began +these meetings chiefly on account of having thus an opportunity of seeing +more of the saints, as the greatness of the number of those in communion +with us makes it impossible to see them as often in their houses, as it +might be profitable, or as often as we desire. We commenced these meetings +in our own houses, choosing those in particular, of whom we had seen +little. After we had had several meetings in our own houses, we were +invited by the brethren and sisters, and they have asked others to meet +us. Sometimes also we have proposed those for invitation whom we see but +seldom. These meetings we have found both for ourselves and others very +useful, and they will, no doubt, continue to be a blessing, as long as the +Lord shall enable us to precede and follow them with prayer. They are also +particularly important as a means of the brethren becoming acquainted with +each other, and of uniting their hearts.) + +May 13. Today I have had again much reason to mourn over my corrupt +nature, particularly on account of want of gratitude for the many temporal +mercies by which I am surrounded. I was so sinful as to be dissatisfied on +account of the dinner, because I thought it would not agree with me, +instead of thanking God for the rich provision, and asking heartily the +Lord's blessing upon it, and remembering the many dear children of God who +would have been glad of such a meal. I rejoice in the prospect of that day +when, in seeing Jesus as He is, I shall be like Him. May 14. Lord's-day. +The Lord, instead of chastising me today for the ingratitude and +discontent, of yesterday, by leaving me to my own strength in preaching, +and bringing temporal want upon me, has given me a good day. I have +preached with much assistance and comfort, and the Lord has given me rich +temporal supplies: for besides the freewill offerings of 2l. 8s. 10d., a +5l. note was put into my hand for the supply of any want I may have. Thus +the Lord melted the heart by love, and made me still more see the baseness +of my conduct yesterday. Thanks be to God, the day is coming, when Satan +will triumph no more! + +May 18. There are now 64 children in the two Orphan-Houses, and two more +are expected, which will fill the two houses. + +May 28. The narrative of some of the Lord's dealings with me is now near +being published, which has led me again most earnestly this day week, and +repeatedly since, to ask the Lord that He would be pleased to give me what +is wanting of the 1000l., for which sum I have asked Him on behalf of the +orphans; for though, in my own mind, the thing is as good as done, so much +so, that I have repeatedly been able to thank God, that He will surely +give me every shilling of that sum, yet to others this would not be +enough. As the whole matter, then, about the Orphan-House had been +commenced for the glory of God, that in this way before the world and the +church there might be another visible proof, that the Lord delights in +answering prayer; and as there was yet a part of the 1000l. wanting; and, +as I earnestly desired, the book might not leave the press, before every +shilling of that sum had been given, in answer to prayer, without one +single individual having been asked by me for any thing, that thus I might +have the sweet privilege of bearing my testimony for God in this +book:--for these reasons, I say, I have given myself earnestly to +prayer about this matter since May 21. On May 22 came in 7l. 10s., +and on May 23, 3l. On May 24 a lady, whom I never saw before, called on +me and gave me 40l. This circumstance has greatly encouraged me; for the +Lord showed me thereby afresh His willingness to continue to send us +large sums, and that they can even come from individuals whom we have +never seen before. On May 26th 3l. 6s. was sent, from two unexpected +quarters. On May 27 was sent anonymously, a parcel of worn clothes from +London and a sovereign. Today (May 28) I received again 4l. 3s. 6d.; and +also a parcel was sent from a considerable distance, containing +seven pairs of socks, and the following trinkets, to be sold for the +support of the orphans: 1 gold pin with an Irish pearl, 15 Irish +pearls, 2 pine, 2 brooches, 2 lockets, 1 seal, 2 studs, 11 rings, +1 chain, and 1 bracelet, all of gold. + +June 15. Today I gave myself once more earnestly to prayer respecting the +remainder of the 1000l. This evening 5l. was given, so that now the whole +sum is made up. To the glory of the Lord, whose I am, and whom I serve, I +would state again, that every shilling of this money, and all the articles +of clothing and furniture, which have been mentioned in the foregoing +pages, have been given to me, without one single individual having been +asked by me for any thing. The reason why I have refrained altogether from +soliciting any one for help is, that the hand of God evidently might be +seen in the matter, that thus my fellow-believers might be encouraged more +and more to trust in Him, and that also those who know not the Lord, may +have a fresh proof that, indeed, it is not a vain thing to pray to God. As +the Lord then has con-descended most fully, and even above my +expectations, to answer my prayers, arid to Fill my mouth (Psalm lxxxi. +10,) will you help me, brethren and sisters beloved in the Lord, to praise +Him for His condescension. It is a wonderful thing that such a worthless, +faithless servant as I am, should have power with God. Take courage from +this for yourselves, brethren. Surely, if such a one as I am, so little +conformed to the mind of Jesus, has his prayers answered, may not you +also, at last, have your requests granted to you. During eighteen months +and ten days this petition has been brought before God almost daily. From +the moment I asked it, till the Lord granted it fully, I had never been +allowed to doubt that He would give every shilling of that sum. Often have +I praised Him beforehand in the assurance, that he would grant my request. +The thing after which we have especially to seek in prayer is, that we +believe that we receive, according to Mark xi. 24. "What things soever ye +desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have +them." But this I often find lacking in my prayers. Whenever, however, I +have been enabled to believe that I receive, the Lord has dealt with me +according to my faith. This moment while I am writing (June 28, 1837), I +am waiting on the Lord for 17l. 10s., the rent for two school-rooms, which +will be due in three days, and I have but 3l. towards that sum. I believe +God can give; I believe God is willing to give it, if it be for our real +welfare; I also have repeatedly asked God for it; but as yet I cannot in +the triumph of faith praise Him beforehand, that He will assuredly give me +this small sum. I am waiting at every delivery of letters, at every ring +at the bell, for help; I am truly waiting on God, and God alone for it; +but as yet I do not feel as sure of being able to pay the rent of those +school rooms, as I should, if I had the money already in my pocket. + +As the Lord has so greatly condescended to listen to my prayers, and as I +consider it one of the particular talents which He has intrusted to me, to +exercise faith upon His promises regarding my own temporal wants and those +of others; and as an Orphan-House for boys above seven years of age seems +greatly needed in this city; and as also, without it, we know not how to +provide for the little boys, in the Infant-Orphan-House when they are +above seven years of age; I purpose to establish an Orphan-House for about +forty boys above seven years of age. But there are three difficulties in +the way, which must first be removed, before I could take any further step +in this work. 1. My hands are more than filled already through the work +arising from the ministry of the Word, the attending to the ordering of +church affairs, and the oversight of 370 brethren and sisters. And yet, in +addition to this, I have also the work which comes upon me in connexion +with the six day-schools, a Sunday-school, an adult-school, the two +Orphan-Houses, and the circulation of the Scriptures. (This latter part +of the work is more and more increasing; for merely within the last seven +months 836 copies of the Scriptures have been circulated). For these +reasons, then, I could not in any degree enlarge the field of labour, +except the Lord should be pleased to send us a brother, who, as steward, +could take from me the work which arises from keeping the accounts, +obtaining and circulating the Scriptures, giving advice in +ordinary matters respecting the Orphan-Houses, attending +to the applications for admission of children in the Orphan-Houses, &c. +But whether there is an Orphan-House for boys established +or not, such a brother is greatly needed, even as the extent +of the work is now, and I therefore lay it on the hearts of the believers +who may read this, to help me with their prayers, that such a brother may +be found. 2. In addition to this, it would be needful, before I could take +any further step, to obtain a truly pious master for the boys, add other +suitable individuals who may be needed to take care of the children. 3. +The third thing by which I desire to be assured, that it is the will of +God that I should go forward in the Orphan-House is, that He provide the +means for such an enlargement of the work. Whilst, on the one hand I would +confess to the praise of God, that He has been pleased to give me faith to +trust in Him; yet, on the other hand, I desire to be kept from presumption +and enthusiasm. I do not intend to wait till thousands are raised, or till +the Institution is endowed; but I must have such a sum given to me as is +needed to furnish a house for forty boys, and to clothe that number, and +to have a little to begin with: without such a sum I should not consider +it to be the will of God to enlarge the field. What I ask then from the +brethren who may feel interested in seeing an Orphan-House for boys +established in Bristol is, that they would help me with their prayers, +that if it be the will of God, He Himself would be pleased to remove these +three difficulties out of the way. + +[Whilst the preceding pages of the first edition of this Narrative were +in the press, and before the reception of the last proof sheet for +correction, the same friend who gave me on May 24, 1837, Forty Pounds for +the orphans, and whom up to that time I had never seen, gave on July 12, +1837, Four Hundred and Sixty Pounds more, being altogether Five Hundred +Pounds.] + +REVIEW OF THE LAST FIVE YEARS, THE TIME THAT I HAVE + +LABOURED IN BRISTOL WITH BROTHER CRAIK. + +JULY, 1837. + +I. Some of the mercies which the Lord has granted to us during this period. + +Concerning all this time I have most especially to say, that goodness and +mercy have followed me every day. My blessings have been many and great, +my trials few and small. To the praise of God I will mention a few of the +many mercies which He has bestowed on me. + +1. I consider it one of the especial mercies that, amidst so many +engagements I have been kept in the ways of God, and that this day I have +as much desire as ever, yea more than ever, to live alone for Him, who has +done so much for me. My greatest grief is that I love Him so little. I +desire many things concerning myself; but I desire nothing so much, as to +have a heart filled with love to the Lord. I long for a warm personal +attachment to Him. + +2. I consider it likewise a great mercy, for which I can never +sufficiently praise God, that, whilst during these last five years so many +of His children have fallen into great errors, and even those who once ran +well, I, who am so faithless to Him, should have been kept from them. +There is scarcely one point of importance, comparatively speaking, +respecting which I have had scriptural reason to alter my views, since I +have come to Bristol. My views concerning the fundamental truths of the +gospel are the same as they were at the end of the year 1829 though I have +been more and more established in them during these last five years, and +have seen more minutely the mind of God concerning many truths. My relish +for the study of the word of God has not decreased. + +3. I consider it further an exceeding great mercy, that I have been kept +in uninterrupted love and union with my brother, friend, and +fellow-labourer, Henry Craik. Very few of the blessings that the Lord has +bestowed on him, on me, and on the two churches, whose servants we are, +are of greater importance. There is not one point of importance, as it +regards the truth, on which we differ. In judgment, as to matters +connected with the welfare of the saints among whom we labour, we have +been almost invariably at once of one mind. (Lord, to Thee is the praise +due for this!!!) We are as much, or more than ever united in spirit; and +if the Lord permit, we desire to labour together till He come. Who that +knows the proneness in man to seek his own, and to get glory to himself; +who that knows that the heart naturally is full of envy; who that is +acquainted with the position which we both hold in the church, and the +occasions thereby occurring for the flesh to feel offended:--who that +considers these things will not ascribe our union, our uninterrupted union +and love, entirely to the Lord? Let the brethren among whom we labour +praise God much for it! Let the brethren everywhere, who may read this, +praise God for it! This union has glorified God! This union has sprung +from God! But, for this union we depend now as much as ever upon God, and +therefore let the brethren pray, that God in mercy would give us grace, to +put aside every thing that might hinder it. + +4. We have had much joy on account of the scriptural conduct of many of +the children of God among whom we labour. The two churches have on the +whole shown, in some measure, that even in our day there can be love among +the brethren. I do not mean that we have been without trials on account of +the behaviour of the saints under our care; nor do I mean to say, that +either we or they have followed Christ as we might or ought to have done; +but only, that we have been mercifully kept hitherto from great divisions; +that the cases in which acts of discipline were needed (as the list at the +end of the last two years shows) were so few; that we have had much more +joy than sorrow on account of the brethren and sisters:--these are +matters, worthy to be noticed among the special blessings which God has +bestowed on us during the last five years. + +5. Another mercy I mention is, that it has pleased God to keep us from +some most awful characters, who either actually had proposed themselves +for fellowship, or desired to do so, and who, so far as the testimony by +word of mouth went, could fully satisfy us. From several such individuals +who lived in open sin, we have been kept, by the Spirit constraining them +to confess, and that, perhaps, even against their own will, their wicked +deeds, which they were practicing; in other instances we suspected them, +and, on making inquiry, found out their sins. + +6. Another mercy which the Lord has kindly bestowed on us is, that though +neither Brother Craik nor I am strong in body, yet we have been helped +through much work; and, at the time when we were laid aside, the Lord made +up our lack of service, either by sending help from without, or by putting +into exercise the gifts of the brethren among us. At those seasons +disunion might so easily have sprung up among the brethren; but the good +shepherd of the sheep watched so graciously over the flock, that they were +kept together in much love and union, whereby also a testimony was given +for God, that their faith stood not in the power of man. + +7. Sometimes, when particular trials were laid on us, and things appeared +very dark, the Lord most mercifully not only supported us under those +trials, but also unexpectedly delivered us much sooner out of them, than +we could have at all anticipated. May this especially encourage brethren +who labour in word and doctrine, or who rule in the church, to trust in +the Lord in Seasons of peculiar trial! + +8. My temporal wants have all these five years been most richly supplied, +so that not once have I lacked the necessaries of life, and generally I +have abounded; and all this without having one shilling of regular income. +I am not tired of this way of living, nor have I even for once been +allowed to regret having begun to live in this way. + +II. The work of the Lord in our hands. + +1. It has pleased the Lord to continue to bless the word preached by us +to the conversion of many sinners, and there seems to have been no period +during these five years, in which this work has been stopped by Him. There +have come again several cases before us lately, in which individuals have +been recently brought to apprehend their lost state by nature, and to see +that Jesus of Nazareth alone can save them. The whole number of those who +have been converted through our instrumentality in Bristol, and who have +been received into fellowship with us is 178; besides this, the Lord has +given us many seals to our ministry in this city, but the individuals are +now either only standing on the list of candidates for fellowship, or are +united to other churches in and out of Bristol, or have fallen asleep +before they were united to us. + +2. The whole number of the brethren and sisters, now in fellowship with +us, is 370: 189 at Gideon, 181 at Bethesda. + +3. It is now three years and four months since brother Craik and I began, +in dependence upon the Lord for funds, to seek to help the spread of the +Gospel through the instrumentality of schools, the circulation of the Holy +Scriptures, and by aiding Missionary exertions. Since then there have been +circulated through our instrumentality 4030 copies of the Scriptures; four +Day-Schools for poor children have been established by us; 1119 children +have been instructed in the six Day-Schools, and 353 children are now in +those six Day-Schools. Besides this, a Sunday-School, and an Adult-School +have been supplied with all they needed, and Missionary exertions in the +East Indies, in Upper Canada, and on the Continent of Europe, have been +aided. In addition to this the word of God has been preached from house to +house among the poor, in connexion with the Scriptural Knowledge +Institution, by brother C-r, within the last two years. + +4. There have been received into the Orphan-Houses 74 orphans, and there +are now 64 in them. + +And now, in conclusion, I would say that the reason, why I have spoken so +plainly about the sins of my unconverted days, is, that I may magnify the +riches of the grace of God, which has been bestowed on me, a guilty +wretch. I have weighed much whether I should do so or not, knowing well +what contempt it may bring on me; but it appeared to me, after much +prayer, that as the object of this little work is to speak well of the +Lord, I should say in a few words what I once was, in order that it might +be seen so much the more clearly, what He has done for me. I also judged +that, in doing so, some, who live at present in sin, might see through my +example the misery into which sin leads, even as it regards the present +life, and the happiness which is connected with the ways of God; and that +they also might be encouraged through what God has done for me, to turn to +Him. I have made myself therefore a fool, and degraded myself in the eyes +of the inhabitants of Bristol, that you, my dear unconverted fellow +sinners, who may read this, may, with God's blessing, be made wise. The +love of Christ has constrained me to speak about my former lies, thefts, +fraud, &c., that you might be benefited. Do not think that I am a fool, +and therefore I have told out my heart in my folly; but I have made myself +a fool for the benefit of your souls. May God in mercy, for His dear Son's +sake, grant that these pages may be a savour of life unto life to you! + +The reason why I have spoken so plainly about some of the sins and errors +into which I have fallen since my conversion, and about my answers to +prayer, and the supplies of my temporal wants, and some of my family +concerns, and the success which God has given to our labours,--is not, +because I do not know that it is contrary to worldly custom, and against +the interests of my worldly reputation; nor is it, as if I made light of +my falls; nor as if I would boast in having had my prayers so often +answered, and having been in such a variety of ways used as an instrument +in doing the Lord's work; but, I have written what I have written for the +benefit of my brethren. I have mentioned some of my sins and errors, that +through my loss the brethren who may read this may gain. I have mentioned +the answers of prayer, that through them they may be encouraged to make +known their requests unto God. I have spoken about my temporal supplies, +that through seeing how richly God has supplied my temporal wants, since +the commencement of 1830, when I left London, they may be stirred up "to +seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness," resting assured, +that, in doing so, He will give them what is needful for the life that now +is. I have alluded to some family circumstances, that children of God may +be encouraged to cast their family burdens upon the Lord, in order that, +in doing so, they may find Him carrying the burdens for them. And lastly, +I have written about the success which God has been pleased to grant us in +His work, that it may be seen, that, in acting on scriptural principles, +we have the Lord on our side, and that our mode of preaching is honoured +by Him. If in anything which I have written I have been mistaken (and what +human work is there which is free from error), I have been mistaken after +much prayer. Whilst writing I have often asked help of God. Whilst +revising the work, I have still again and again bowed my knees. I have +also frequently entreated the Lord to bless this feeble effort of mine to +speak to His praise, and I have not the slightest hesitation in saying, +that, from the earnestness and comfort which I have enjoyed in prayer, and +from the sincere self-examination of my heart, I know that God will bless +this little work. May I ask you then, my brethren and sisters, who have +been benefited in reading this book, to help me with your prayers, that it +may be blessed to others. May I also ask you, my brethren and sisters, who +think I ought not to have published it, to ask God to bless that which you +yourselves consider good and scriptural in it. + +And, now last of all, brethren beloved in the Lord, remember me in your +prayers. + +END OF THE FIRST PART + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Narrative of Some of the Lord's +Dealings with George Mueller, by George Mueller + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DEALINGS WITH GEORGE MUeLLER *** + +***** This file should be named 20379.txt or 20379.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/3/7/20379/ + +Produced by the Bookworm (bookworm.librivox AT gmail.com) + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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