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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/20362-8.txt b/20362-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4cd8e64 --- /dev/null +++ b/20362-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5680 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Girls and Women, by Harriet E. Paine (AKA E. Chester} + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Girls and Women + +Author: Harriet E. Paine (AKA E. Chester} + +Release Date: January 15, 2007 [EBook #20362] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GIRLS AND WOMEN *** + + + + +Produced by Curtis Weyant, Martin Pettit and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by Case Western Reserve University Preservation Department +Digital Library) + + + + + + +The Riverside Library for Young People + +NUMBER 8 + + +GIRLS AND WOMEN + +BY + +E. CHESTER + +(Harriet E. Paine) + +[Illustration: Publisher's logo] + +_Copyright, 1890,_ + +BY HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN & CO. + +BOSTON AND NEW YORK + +_All rights reserved._ + +_The Riverside Press, Cambridge, Mass., U. S. A._ + +Electrotyped and Printed by H. O. Houghton & Company. + + + + +CONTENTS + + +CHAPTER PAGE + + I. AN AIM IN LIFE 7 + + II. HEALTH 24 + + III. A PRACTICAL EDUCATION 38 + + IV. SELF-SUPPORT.--SHALL GIRLS SUPPORT THEMSELVES? 49 + + V. SELF-SUPPORT.--HOW SHALL GIRLS SUPPORT THEMSELVES? 63 + + VI. OCCUPATIONS FOR THE RICH 82 + + VII. CULTURE 99 + +VIII. THE ESSENTIALS OF A LADY 116 + + IX. THE PROBLEM OF CHARITY 127 + + X. THE ESSENTIALS OF A HOME 136 + + XI. HOSPITALITY 154 + + XII. BRIC-À-BRAC 165 + +XIII. EMOTIONAL WOMEN 173 + + XIV. A QUESTION OF SOCIETY 187 + + XV. NARROW LIVES 201 + + XVI. CONCLUSION.--A MISCELLANEOUS CHAPTER 218 + + +GIRLS AND WOMEN. + + + + +I. + +AN AIM IN LIFE. + + +For the sake of girls who are just beginning life, let me tell the +stories of some other girls who are now middle-aged women. Some of them +have succeeded and some have failed in their purposes, and often in a +surprising way. + +I remember a girl who left school at seventeen with the highest honors. +Immediately we began to see her name in the best magazines. The heavy +doors of literature seemed to swing open before her. Then suddenly we +heard no more of her. A dozen years later she was known to no one +outside her own circle. She was earning her living as book-keeper in a +large five-cent store! She led the life of a drudge, and that was not +the worst of it. She was a sensitive woman, and there was much that was +mortifying in her position. All her Greek and Italian books were packed +away. She knew no more of science than when she left school. At odd +minutes she read good novels, and that was all she had to do with +literature. Those who had expected much of her thought her life was a +failure, and she thought so too. + +Yet there is another side to the picture. The aim she had set for +herself in life was not to be an author, though that idea had taken +strong hold on her, and she tried to realize it in spite of great +discouragements. This was her minor aim, but the grand aim with her had +always been to lead the divine life at whatever cost. It proved to cost +almost everything. Her utmost help was needed for her large family, +which was poor. Unusual as her success with editors had been, no girl of +seventeen could depend on a large income from magazines. A good salary +was offered her as book-keeper, and she accepted it. + +She tried to continue her favorite occupation by rising early, but she +was not strong enough to go on long in that way. She sometimes had an +hour in the evening, but when she saw the wistful look in her mother's +face she would not shut herself up alone. At the rare times when she was +still free to choose she went back to her books and her pen, but she +could not do much, and at last she felt it would be better not to try. +It was simply a source of vexation, and she needed a serene mind above +all things. + +The only way her life could open towards beauty or happiness at all was +by putting the true spirit into her daily work. With a resolute heart +she did this. No books were ever more beautifully kept than hers; every +figure was clear and perfect; every column was added without a mistake. +In short, she did her work like an artist. + +To the sales-girls she was like a guardian angel. She might have written +good stories all her life without helping others half so much. Little, +weak, frivolous girls became strong, fine women simply from daily +contact with her. She did not realize that. She only knew that she loved +the girls and that they loved her. She did know that she helped her +family--with her money. Her spirit helped them unconsciously still more. + +When at last she gave up the minor aim of her life, and no longer tried +to be learned or famous, she had her energies set free for many little +things which had previously been crowded out. It was easy now to find a +leisure hour to help any one who needed sympathy. There was time to +watch the beauty of the sunset or of the falling snow. If she had no +time to scramble through a volume of a new poet, she could still learn +line by line some favorite old poem, and let it sink into her heart, so +that it did its work thoroughly. If she could not find time to learn the +history of all the artists from the time of Phidias to the last New York +exhibition, yet when a beautiful picture was before her she could look +at it thoughtfully without feeling that she must hurry on to the next. +In this way, perhaps, she gained a more absolute culture than in the way +she would have chosen, a culture of thought and character which told on +every one who came near her. + +She was always climbing up towards God, and his help never failed her. +The climbing was hard, yet the pathway was radiant with light. Those who +were stumbling along in the darkness by her side saw the light and were +able to walk erect. + +I cannot say she was altogether happy with so many of her fine powers +unused. Perhaps she was not even quite right in sacrificing herself +completely. Sometimes she fostered selfishness in others while she tried +to cast it out of herself. But so far as she could see she had no +choice. If she had refused the sacrifice, it would have been by giving +up the grand aim of her life. Her minor aim was good in itself, but it +conflicted with something better. Those who did not know her life +intimately thought it a failure. Those who saw deeper knew that her +utter failure in what was non-essential had been the condition of +essential success. + + +I remember another brilliant girl who did win her way. She was poor and +plain and friendless, but she won wealth and fame and friends, and then, +with all this success, she blossomed into beauty. She had a struggle, +but she came out victorious. I think she was happy. She was glad to be +beautiful and to be loved. She had music and pictures and travel in +abundance, and she appreciated these things. She liked to give to the +poor, and she did give bountifully and with a grace and sweetness better +than the gift. + +She painted pictures which everybody admired, and that pleased her. She +had dreamed of all this when a child. She had genius and she had +perseverance. Her aim was to be a famous artist, and she did not flinch +from any work or sacrifice which would help her to that end. So far all +was well, and she reached the goal. As there was nothing to prevent her +carrying out secondary plans at the same time, she could be cultivated +and charitable without giving up her great object. + +She wanted to be good besides. She never deliberately decided for the +wrong against the right. And yet a noble life was not first in her +thoughts. When she was a school-girl she had a lover who was like a +better self. By and by he chose to study for the ministry, while she +went to the city to try her fortune. So far they shared every thought +and feeling and hope. She knew she was a better woman with him than with +any one else. But at last he was called to a remote country parish, and +for himself was satisfied with it. But she--how then could she be his +wife? Her heart was torn in the strife. Some women whose vision was +less keen would have married him, hoping that in some way they might +still carry out their own ambition. But she was at a critical point in +her career and she knew it. She had just begun to be known personally to +influential people, and her name was beginning to be known to the +public. She dared not risk leaving her post. She wrote her lover a +charming letter,--for she did love him,--and told him how it was. "When +I have won my victory," said she, "I shall be a free woman. And you will +love me just as much when I have more to give you than I have now. But +now I have my little talent confided to me, and I dare not fold it away +in a napkin." Her lover agreed to this, though it was hard for him. They +worked apart year after year. At last she was a free woman, with money +enough to live without work at all, and with fame enough to work when +and where she pleased. But gradually she cared less and less for the +objects of her lover's life. She would not own to herself that she had +failed in constancy to him. She always thought she was glad to see him +when he came to the city. But he felt the difference in her, though he +tried not to see it. She was far more beautiful than when he had first +loved her; but in the days when she was so plain and had worn shabby +dresses there had been an expression about her mouth which he missed +now. The lovely face was still eager with longing, but it had lost the +look of aspiration. Reluctantly, he admitted the change in her. At last +he told her what he felt, that she had ceased to love him. She had +deceived herself so far that she had not realized how idle her excuses +were for putting off the marriage from year to year. When the separation +came she felt a sharp pang--as much of mortification at her own failure +as of wounded love. Yet she consented to the separation, and she seemed +to be happy after it. She thought her life had been tragic, and that she +had made a heroic sacrifice of her love to the necessity which her +genius laid upon her to do a certain work in the world. + +I should be afraid to say that she was altogether wrong. There are, no +doubt, some women who are meant to serve the whole world rather than the +little domestic circle. And yet she did give up what she had believed +the best part of herself. And her pictures, though they were admired, +lacked an indescribable something of which her first crude sketches had +given promise. I do not think that, after all, they did very much to +interpret beauty to the world. She had two aims in life, both good, but +she placed the first second, and the second first. Perhaps, on the +whole, she was happier for the choice she made. But she missed something +better than happiness which is always missed by those who make the lower +aim their object--she missed the aspiration for higher happiness. + +I have seen many successful lives led by women who as girls showed very +moderate abilities, simply because they had one definite aim. I knew a +girl who became an excellent actress. She was a pretty girl with a +little talent. She was not poor, but she had an ambition to be on the +stage. She had the good sense to see that she was not a genius, but she +also had courage enough to persevere in using the ability she had. For +the first ten years she made so little apparent headway that even among +her acquaintances many people did not know she had ever acted at all. In +the mean time she had studied hard. She knew many popular plays by +heart, and had carefully watched other actresses. She was acquainted +with a number of theatrical people. She had always been at hand when a +manager wanted an extra peasant girl, or when a waiting maid was ill. +She had joined a small troupe traveling through the bleakest and +roughest parts of the Northwest in midwinter. By and by she was fitted +to be of use in a stock company. Then, after a few more years, she +achieved what she had been striving for. She was able to take the +slighter characters in the plays of Shakespeare. No one excelled her +here. No great actress would take so small a part, and no small actress +was willing to take such pains. Her power was unique and she was +indispensable. Her name was seldom on the play-bills, but she added +something to the culture of the world by making the interpretation of +Shakespeare more complete. + +Her success came first from having a definite aim, and second, from +understanding herself sufficiently to aim at something within her power; +but happily it was also the highest thing within her power. She was both +humble and aspiring. She showed her humility in shrinking from no +drudgery, and satisfied her cravings for the ideal by doing the smallest +thing in the best way possible to her. She enjoyed even her drudgery +because she put the best of herself into it, but, more than that, she +knew it was leading her exactly in the direction she wanted to go. If +the drudgery had led to nothing she would have needed all the moral +power of our little book-keeper to save her from misery. Her own happier +life required some moral power, how much it is hard to say. A woman +might do all she did and be little the better for it. It would depend on +the aim she cherished in her heart. If she had no higher aim than to be +a good actress her life did not avail much. But if her acting was only +the minor aim, then her life was thoroughly noble as well as successful. +Her choice of a minor aim makes it probable that she also had the +highest aim. Otherwise she would have been either more or less humble. +She would either have wished to be a star actress or have been contented +with any trifling parts which brought her money and admiration. + +The best happiness comes from our perseverance in following the grand +aim of life. But "the kind of happiness which we all recognize as such" +is generally that which comes from the successful pursuit of our minor +aim. Herbert Spencer says that every creature is happy when he is fully +using his powers. I have known a girl with a magnificent voice who +endured great hardships for a musical education, and who finally +accomplished her purpose and enchanted the world with her singing. She +was happy. Of course everybody expected her to be. But I have known +another girl, equally happy, carefully working in the laboratory to find +the water-tubes of a star-fish or the nerves of a clam. This girl said +to me with a face bright with enthusiasm, "When I first began to work +with Professor ---- in the laboratory it was as if I had been traveling +all my life in a desert land, and had suddenly come upon fountains of +fresh water." She was as poor and obscure as my singer was rich and +famous, but she was using her powers and was happy. + +Of course the kind of happiness to be found even in secondary success +depends on the great aim of any life. In some cases it almost seems as +if the minor aim were the only one. The happiness it brings cannot go +very high, yet so far as a looker-on may judge it feels like happiness. +But most people--perhaps all, if we only knew it--do acknowledge the +grand aim in life, even though they make very little effort to reach +it. When they consciously neglect this for the minor aim, they are +uneasy and not thoroughly happy; but when the minor aim is good in +itself and is always made subservient to the higher, success there does +prove a well-spring of delight. + +Spencer's remark is also true in the best sense, for no powers crave +exercise so much as the higher powers. If my singer had done a sinful +deed no applause could have made her happy. And, on a lower plane, if +she had lost the husband she dearly loved, even her art would not have +satisfied her. + + +It may seem as if I am choosing all my illustrations from among people +who have special gifts, and that nothing I say applies to the great army +of girls who will never be distinguished, and who are all the dearer for +not wishing to be so. I have not forgotten this, but I began with +striking illustrations because they are easiest to understand. + +The grand aim of life should be the same for all, whether gifted or not. +But the particular aim must vary with the individual. Probably with five +girls out of ten the particular aim is to have a happy home. Once we +might have said nine girls out of ten, but the present tendency of +thought is to make girls ambitious,--too ambitious, it sometimes seems, +for the very best of life. + +Of course selfishness shows itself in various ways, and the girl who +wishes to have a happy home without thinking how she shall make a happy +home may be more selfish than the girl who dreams of fame, but with the +understanding that the price of fame is, and ought to be, the giving of +some blessing to the world. + +I know a delightful girl who seems to think of nothing but making others +happy from the moment when she meets her maid with a cheerful +"Good-morning," till she contrives that some less attractive girl shall +have the most desirable partner in the ball-room in the evening. She +gives her money and her time and her thought to the service of other +people. This is so natural to her that no one thinks of her as making it +a conscious aim, but the result is so beautiful as to suggest that it +would be the best aim for every girl. Nevertheless she has a still +higher aim, for sometimes the happiness of other people--at least their +visible happiness--clashes with some other duty. Then she does not fail. +She gives her hard refusal in pleasant but firm words, and she tells the +truth even if it makes some one wince. She is not a genius, but, on the +whole, I hardly know another girl so full of the best life. That her +highest aim is the true one is without question, and that her minor aim +is the true one for her must also be admitted. Whether it is so for all +is not quite clear. She has the natural gift which makes all her +ministrations to others acceptable, but every one is not so endowed. + +She has a cousin as unselfish as she is whose capacity is entirely +different. She is a quiet, reserved, thoughtful girl, who always speaks +slowly. She is just and good-tempered, and is ready to give her time and +money when she sees she can be of use. But her thoughts move in other +channels. She has excellent mathematical abilities, and she is always +resolving some difficult problem. She hopes some day to do some work in +astronomy. Of course she would be glad to do some great work and be +known as a benefactor to mankind, but probably she works from love of +her work more than from the hope of doing good. She, too, is charming, +but it takes a long time to know her well. + +Should one of these girls try to do the work of the other? Or is one +better than the other? I think not, since both look so steadily towards +the highest star in their field of vision. The minor aim of life must +always have reference to the gifts of the individual. Even visiting the +poor would become absurd if nobody did anything else. + + +If we believe in an overruling Providence we cannot of course say that +anything is by chance; but so far as we can see, failure in this +world--that is, failure to reach our minor aim--does sometimes seem to +be due to a trifling accident. Yet success is not so. If Byron, for +instance, awoke one morning and found himself famous, it was because he +had previously done the work which was suddenly recognized by the world. +Indeed, none of us need look for success who does not choose a definite +aim in life. And, more than that, no discouragement must turn us aside +from it. We may fail in the end then, but we shall have followed the +only possible path to success. + + +How shall we choose our aim? We know what our grand aim must be, and +that if we do our part there we shall not fail, for we shall have God to +help us; and we know that our minor aim must never be opposed to this. +But what shall our minor aim be, or shall we be content to drift without +any at all? + +We must try to understand ourselves so far at least as to know what our +own powers and tastes are, and choose accordingly. A young girl hardly +knows her own bent. Then the uncertainty in regard to her marriage and +the great change that necessarily makes in her pursuits renders the +problem harder for her than for her brothers. + +Most girls wish to be the centre of a happy home, but many of them are +very careless about the means of making themselves fit to be such a +centre. They think when love comes it will do everything, and it is true +that it will do wonders. But suppose a girl remembers that if she is +well she can make her family happier then if she is always +ailing,--suppose she remembers how much good housekeeping does to make a +home attractive; that if she is musical her singing will calm the +troubled waters, while if she is not her practicing will be a burden; +that there are some studies which bear directly on life and some others +which will be of infinite use to a mother in training her children,--is +she not more likely to have a happy home than if her aim had been less +definite? + +But what of the girls who choose this aim and who never have a home? +Their lot is hard, but they may add happiness to some home not their +own. If they are not obliged to support themselves, they can probably +create some kind of a home for themselves, though not that of their +ideal. If they must earn their living, the problem is harder. +Circumstances may force them into a widely different path from that they +would have chosen. Then they must remember the grand aim of their lives, +and do the best work they can for the sake of it. Still, they may use +the home-making faculty in some measure in the humblest attic. + +But there is a large and ever larger class of girls with other tastes +than domestic ones. Here, I think, the danger is greater than in case of +even the most unfortunate girls with domestic tastes; for tastes and +talents do not always agree. We have all known girls willing to practice +six hours a day who could never be musicians, and most girls think they +could write a book. Many people who are quite free to choose make too +ambitious a choice. It seems a part of the office of culture to correct +such ambitions. I have in mind a class of half-taught school-girls many +of whom fondly hoped to be poetesses; and I remember a class of highly +cultivated girls, who had had every advantage of education which money +could buy, who were full of anxiety on leaving school because they could +not see that they had capacity enough to do any work worth doing in the +world. The general verdict among them was that as they had money they +could give it to the poor, but that they had nothing in themselves. They +were as much too timid as the others were too confident. + +A girl who has to earn her living has a safeguard, for which few are +very thankful. No one will pay her to indulge her tastes without +reference to her talents. She finds out gradually what _ought_ to be her +minor aim, for she discovers the special service she can render to the +world in return for what it offers to her. In most cases she wins a +reasonable measure of success and happiness. + +But some of us are obstinate. We see one pathway we long to tread even +though it is beset with stones and briers. We are determined to take +that way, even if we never climb high enough to penetrate the low-lying +mists which darken it. We would rather pursue even a little way the +painful pathway which leads to the glorious mountain-top than to follow +an easier path to some lower summit. If we truly feel that, we do well +to take the path, for we have a right to forget ourselves for the sake +of our aim. But if we ask for success after all, it is mere blind vanity +which makes us so obstinate in our choice. + +Let us remember that our direct usefulness in the world and most of our +conscious happiness will depend on our choosing and steadily pursuing as +our minor aim that for which our nature fits us, even if we wish our +nature had been different; while our utmost usefulness and our highest +happiness will depend on our clearness of vision in seeing, and our +unwavering fidelity in following, the grand aim of life. + + + + +II. + +HEALTH. + + +Mr. Clapp says enthusiastically that we cannot imagine Rosalind or +Portia or Cordelia or Juliet with neuralgia or headache. And I believe +that Shakespeare's women have now taken the place of the more +lackadaisical and sentimental heroines of the past in the minds of many +girls. + +Now that girls wish to be well, it is worth while to consider two +questions. First, why is health so important? Unless the answer to this +question is clear, how can any one be ready to sacrifice health to any +higher duty? Girls do sacrifice it frequently even when they know what +they are doing, but it is generally for a caprice, because they want to +dance later or skate longer, or study unreasonably; or sometimes they +cannot resist the temptation of food which is not convenient for them, +or they are willing to indulge their nerves too much, or it is too much +trouble not to take cold. + +I wish every girl who knows that she does not live up to her light in +this respect would say to herself once a day for a month, "I ought to be +vigorously well if I want to do my part in the world, or to be in +thoroughly good spirits." I wish she would think of the meaning of what +she says, and then see if she does not do some things she is loth to do +and avoid some pleasing temptations. I believe a month's application of +this formula would give her a new insight into the value of health. I +speak not only of health, but of _vigorous_ health. We want to do our +part in the world, and that part ought to be our utmost. Agassiz could +work fifteen hours a day. Most of us could never do anything so +magnificent as that, and the attempt to do it would probably end in our +being unfitted to do any work at all. But suppose Agassiz had said, +"Twelve hours is too much for most men to work, so I can afford to be +careless of my surplus health as long as I have strength to work twelve +hours." The world would not only have lost much in the matter of his +discoveries, but the spirit of all his work would have been different. I +do not mean that it was necessarily the best thing for Agassiz even to +work fifteen hours a day on fishes. He might have given part of his time +to music, or friends, or novels, because he saw that, on the whole, such +recreation met the higher needs of life. But I mean that he was a man to +whom a full life was possible for fifteen hours a day, and that he would +have been wrong to be satisfied with less. + +And now, second, _how_ shall girls be thoroughly well? The laws of +health are few and simple. They are so well understood by the parents +of this generation that it may seem a waste of time to allude to them +here. Yet I am writing for girls whose ideas are often vague. + +One word in regard to the study of Physiology. It is a fine study. If a +girl thoroughly understands how her body ought to work in health, how +one organ acts with another, then, in case of any local disturbance, she +will probably be capable of seeing how, if the general tone of the +system is raised, the particular difficulty will disappear, and she will +no longer follow blindly rules she has learned by rote. Yet people learn +more by practice than by theory, and it is probable that the fascinating +study of Physiology is of more use intellectually than physically to +most school-girls. If they are allowed to dwell much on diseases of the +body instead of on its normal action, the study may be a positive injury +to them by leading to morbid conditions. + +And now again, What are the essentials of health? Several things may be +regarded as equally necessary, so that I cannot lay down rules in +exactly the order of importance, yet it is purposely that I begin with + +_Breathe fresh air._ + +Food is important, but we can live hours without taking food, while we +must have air every moment. Moreover, the oxygen of the air actually +nourishes the body as food does, by forming a part of the blood. + +How shall we get fresh air? First, by spending all the time possible out +of doors, both in summer and winter, in storm and sunshine. Every one +acknowledges the advantage of exercise in the open air for its own sake; +but in New England we have not yet learned how far it is possible to +live in the open air. I was once at a country-house in Switzerland which +illustrates this ideal. The breakfast-table was spread on a terrace +shaded by plane-trees, outside the dining-room door. The table was then +cleared and books and work brought out. The family devotions were +conducted there. The students studied and wrote, the ladies sewed and +knit, and the maids prepared the vegetables for dinner which was also +eaten there. For six months in the year this was the ordinary course of +life. It would not, to be sure, be possible in all climates, but oftener +than we think. + +Yet two thirds of our life must be passed in the house, and usually in +closed rooms on account of the cold. Now two persons cannot sit an hour +in one room before the air becomes vitiated. Most forms of ventilation +prove inadequate. M. was a vigorous young lady who made it a rule to +leave a window slightly open all the time she was at work, being careful +not to sit in the draught. But where this is not convenient, it is a +good plan to open a window wide every hour or two for a minute. I knew a +girl who tried that plan, but gave it up because it seemed so +ridiculous to jump up from her studies every little while for the +purpose. Yet nothing is worse than to sit still at one occupation for +several hours, and even the slight change of position would do one +almost as much good as the fresh air. + +It is indispensable to have the window open through the night in every +sleeping-room. But here caution is needed, because when the body is +quiet a draught is a serious injury. Strips of wood across the open part +of the window will generally be sufficient protection. Some of you +shiver at the idea of breathing out of door air in the winter. You are +so cold! Do you know that the moment you begin to breathe it you begin +to grow warm from the increased action of the blood? But + +_Do not take cold._ + +The results of colds are more serious than one likes to say. +Consumption, pneumonia, catarrh, deafness are some of their names. And +the whole tone of the system is lowered by them. But the over-careful +people are precisely those who suffer most from colds, because here, as +in so many other directions, the nerves have sway. + +Now, most colds are taken in one of four ways: By sitting in a draught, +by becoming thoroughly chilled, by wetting the feet, and by breathing +raw air. But none of these things are necessarily injurious to a young +girl in ordinary health--_provided_ she at once does what she can to +counteract their effects. Move out of the draught, warm the body as +thoroughly as it was chilled, dry the feet before sitting down, and +cover the mouth with a veil so that the air is slightly warmed before +breathing. Then one need never stay in for the weather, even if one +already has a cold. + +Of course there are very delicate girls who need special care, but I am +speaking to the average girl. Do not forget that a cold is a terrible +thing, but also remember that it can be avoided by a little care at the +right time, and by entire forgetfulness at other times. + +_Take plenty of exercise._ + +The more you can exercise in the open air the better. And if you take +exercise you will find it possible to be out of doors on very cold days. +If you are not strong on your feet, perhaps you are strong in the +muscles for rowing. If you cannot row, perhaps you can ride. If you +cannot ride, perhaps you can drive. If you cannot drive, perhaps you can +exercise in the gymnasium. If you cannot do any of these things, do what +you can. Walk from your door to the street and back again. Do the same +thing over in fifteen minutes, and unless you are a miserable _bonâ +fide_ invalid your muscles will soon become more useful. Doing errands, +and going about to people who need you, will give you valuable exercise +for which you take no thought. + +But some of you are too busy to exercise many hours a day in the open +air, and so you ought to be. The next best thing for you is housework. +Perhaps you do not like that because you see it under the wrong angle of +vision. Whether you like it or not, it is within reach of most of you, +and would do you good. + +But suppose your books and your sewing are necessary and keep you busy +all day. Then you are to remember to change your position often. At the +end of every hour, when you open the window, take a few deep breaths, +stretch your arms and legs and fingers, and you will be better able to +go on with your task. + +_Eat such food as you can thoroughly digest._ + +There are persons who are always troubled as to what they shall eat, and +who, with all their care, are always ailing. I do not want you to think +about your food so much that you can digest nothing, but I believe that +a very little observation will teach you what is good for you +individually. If you have a dizzy head, or rising of food, or a bad +breath, or uneasiness of the bowels, you may be pretty sure that you +have eaten something that disagrees with you, and by a little +watchfulness you may discover what it is and avoid it. + +Food that you can digest very well when you are fresh may be much too +heavy for you when you are tired. And if you are thinking intently while +you eat, the blood is drawn from the stomach where it should be to the +brain where it should not be. Few people can digest vegetables not +thoroughly cooked, or fruit not thoroughly ripe. I think the study of +Physiology is of more practical hygienic value in teaching the absolute +necessity of using food that can be readily assimilated by the body, and +in showing how different foods should be combined to that end, than in +any other way. A little fish or meat, especially beef, considerable +bread, especially of the coarser grains, some vegetables, and fruit +according to individual organizations, make up the necessary daily fare. +A tired stomach should begin with soup. As for the thousand appetizing +viands set before us, each must decide for herself what to eat. As long +as you have none of the symptoms of indigestion, it is probably safe to +gratify the appetite and take delight in food without further care; but +if these symptoms appear, think first whether you were too tired, or had +too busy a brain to digest anything; next, whether anything you ate was +unripe or underdone, and finally, whether there was anything in the bill +of fare which had ever troubled you before. Then correct your future +practice accordingly, and think no more about it. Depend upon it, you +will soon be well, and, further, you will find, with mortification +perhaps, that some of the headaches you thought came from overtaxing the +brain, or from sensibility to the woes of the world, were really due to +improper food. As compensation for your mortification you will be a +more useful woman for your whole life. + +_Work regularly with both body and mind._ + +Those who must work for self-support are probably, on the whole, in +better health than those who are free from necessity. A girl who stands +all day behind a counter runs some risks in health, but her chances are +still as good as those of the fine lady who broods over imaginary +ailments till they become real. To those who must work I have but little +to say, for they have a narrow margin of choice. There are several +suggestions to be made, however. If your work is physical, use a little +of your leisure every day in some mental occupation. The best thing is +to do some real studying. If you can only spend fifteen minutes every +day on history or literature or botany or French, you will find yourself +the better for it bodily, because it will give you an outlook beyond the +daily horizon, and take your thoughts from your own weariness. If you +have no leisure, or if your work is so exhausting that even fifteen +minutes of study seems burdensome, then keep some interesting novel of +good tone at hand, and read a little in that every day to change the +current of your thoughts. If you find, however, that you usually have +more than an hour for your novel, you may suspect that fifteen minutes +of study would not hurt you. + +Do you know that you are never resting when you are thinking that you +are tired? When you are tired rest at once, if you can, by sitting or +lying down, or taking recreation, as experience has shown you to be +best. But then think no more about it. Perhaps you may be overworking. +If you truly believe this and see any possibility of saving yourself, do +so, even if you have to give up something which seems particularly +important. If you _must_ overwork,--and there are such cases, though +they are not so common as we think,--accept the condition as a part of +the discipline of life, rest whenever you can, and say and think as +little about it as you can. This advice is to save you from one form of +the nervous diseases which are the peculiar misfortune of our time. + +If your work is sedentary take physical exercise in your leisure +time,--out of doors, if possible; but remember that housework is the +best substitute for that. + +The women who are not obliged to work are those who most need this +precept. They can drive, and by and by they cannot walk. They can lie on +the lounge when they feel indisposed, and they lie there long after they +would get up if they had any work to do. They have the best chance for +complete physical development, but they have great temptations to +neglect their opportunities. Among the sweetest of such women there is +an alarming amount of nervous disease, which is, alas! at the foundation +a refined selfishness. To speak plainly, as one has said, we are all as +lazy as we dare to be, and these women have no check upon laziness. No +power of body or mind can be preserved without exercise, and the muscles +grow soft, and the moral fibre grows weak. These women are lovely, they +speak in gentle voices, and they never use a harsh word, but they rule +all about them with a rod of iron. Dr. Weir Mitchell, in his blunt way, +says that nervous diseases among women have destroyed the happiness of +more families than intemperance. + +By and by the invalid cannot rally even if she has the will, but it is +hard to decide where responsibility ends. If your mothers or your aunts +are nervous invalids, do not judge them. Causes may have been at work +which you cannot see. Pity their terrible misfortune, and do all you can +to make them happy. But you, who have the added light of another +generation, are inexcusable if you fall into such a state. + +How can you avoid it? It is easy to say, "Do not talk about your +headaches, or your delicate constitution;" but how are you to help +thinking about these things? Decide on regular daily work for +yourselves. If you are still school-girls and your head feels heavy in +the morning, think whether you would be justified in staying at home if +you were a teacher. Teachers have headaches too, but they seldom stay at +home for one, and they are seldom the worse for going to school. + +When you leave school undertake some regular work. Take charge of the +marketing, or oversee the housekeeping for a year. Ask the officers of +the Associated Charities to give you something definite to do, and do it +regularly. If you are not fitted for visiting the poor, suppose you make +experiments in natural science. See what Lubbock did with ants, bees, +and wasps. There are thousands of such experiments to be tried, but few +people have the leisure for them. You may not understand your results, +but you can make the accurate observations which are absolutely +necessary before a great man can find out the laws which govern them. + +Some mental work you must do. Of course you wish that. If you are in a +city like Boston, I will tell you what you will be tempted to do. You +will be tempted to sandwich your parties and calls and concerts with two +or three courses of morning lectures given by highly trained +specialists. In this way you will get a delightful society knowledge of +history and literature and art and science, but you will not really +exercise your mind very much. Your knowledge will be available for talk, +but not for thought. Go to the lectures by all means,--though perhaps +one course at a time will do; but be sure that every day at a fixed hour +you study the subject of the lecture by yourself, and make it thoroughly +your own. + +Am I wandering from the topic of health? I think not, because during +the last fifty years we have learned almost all the laws of health, and +yet we are not much better than before, for our nerves are still on +edge. Now girls, even rich girls, can control their nerves, if they +begin soon enough, with will and intelligence. And nothing will help +them more than to have their bodies and minds constantly employed in +rational ways so that there is no room for nervous fancies. + +_Take the rest you need._ + +It is hard to know how much you need. Some people must have more than +others. It is easy to be lazy on the one hand, and to be dissipated on +the other. Some people are injured by springing out of bed as soon as +they wake, and others by letting the time drift by while they doze. Some +one gives this good rule, "Decide when you ought to rise to make the +best use of your day. Make a point of rising at that time; but go to bed +earlier and earlier till you find out how much sleep you need in order +to be fresh at that hour in the morning." Such a rule would meet most +cases, but not all; for though regularity is as important for health as +for a wise life, it cannot be an iron regularity, especially if a girl +is at all delicate. I would give more flexible rules, though it is +harder to keep flexible rules than iron ones. + +I have said before that when you are tired you should rest at once, if +you can. Rest completely, but not long. Half an hour on the sofa is +generally enough. Rise early, because an extra hour in the morning can +be better used than one later in the day, and if duties crowd you get +tired in remembering what you cannot do. But if you are not fresh in the +morning, go to bed earlier. If that does not meet the case, your +weariness probably comes from some other cause than insufficient rest. +Perhaps your room is not well ventilated, or you may suffer from +indigestion, or you may exercise your brain too much and your body too +little. If you sit over books or sewing all day, you will always be +tired however many hours you sleep. Most girls from fifteen to twenty +need about nine hours sleep. If you wish to rise at six, you ought to be +in bed at nine. + +A few, a very few, of you must be invalids. You may have inherited a +wasting disease, an accident may have crippled you, or something else +beyond your control may have brought this misfortune upon you. But most +of you have it in your power to be well, and remember you will be doing +something morally wrong if you become feeble women. + + + + +III. + +A PRACTICAL EDUCATION. + + +What is a practical education for a girl? Whatever will fit her for +life. The question and answer are trite. What will best fit a girl for +life? First of all a well-balanced character. I knew a girl who was a +good cook before she was ten years old; she had a genius for sewing; she +was an excellent scholar in school, and had musical talent, and yet +because of her capriciousness she never filled any place she was called +upon to fill in life, and her home was a place of discomfort to her +husband and children. Another girl, one of the noblest I ever knew, also +found the practical details of life easy, but she was always tossed +about from one occupation to another, and from one home to another, +because when she found every reality fall short of her ideal she had not +the good sense to work quietly to improve the matter, but went about +proclaiming her disgust. The first thing we all need is to have our +wills so trained that when we see the right, we may instantly do it, and +after that we need to be taught to see clearly what is right. + +But as character may be formed in many ways why not form it by teaching +practical things? What, then, does a girl most need to learn? + +To read, to cook, and to sew. + +I put reading first, for though no civilized beings can live without +cooking and sewing, and we occasionally find good and gentle women who +cannot read, yet a woman of real character who can read can teach +herself any branch of housekeeping which she is convinced she ought to +know, while a cook cannot teach herself to read in any broad sense; for +by reading I do not mean pronouncing words. I want a girl to have a +taste for good reading. She may study the whole circle of the sciences +without reaching this end, or she may not have more than half a dozen +books in her library and yet learn the lesson. The practical advantage +of most of her studies in school depends on whether or no they lead to +this result. How many girls ever use chemistry, or physics, or geology, +or zoölogy in any practical way? Yet what a difference the study of all +these things makes in the kind of reading women enjoy! Who can learn +enough history in school to be equipped even to teach history? Every +teacher knows that to be impossible. But a girl who has studied history +properly in school, who has been taught to think about the influence of +men on nations and of nations on men, has open to her a vast +treasure-house of books which will add both to her usefulness and +happiness. + +Some of you may think it is artful in me to propose this broad education +under the pretense of requiring that one learn to read, but it is not +so. I do believe in a very broad education for girls; but if I had to +choose between a broad education which had crammed a girl with +knowledge, yet left her without a love for good reading, and a very +narrow one which had awakened that thirst, I should choose the second. + +But why do I call this a practical education? Before I answer the +question, I must say more on the subject of reading. A girl may enjoy +biography, history, travels, and science and yet not have a taste for +the best reading, that is, for true literature. She needs essays, +novels, and especially poetry. She needs to be able to decide what is +best and what is not; she must learn to respond to beauty and truth, and +to repel what is false and ugly. This is the practical education, +because it bears upon both happiness and character. It is practical as +it makes the most of life not only for the woman herself, but for those +about her. Bear in mind always that we have supposed her to have a high +character and a perfectly trained will. Such reading will develop her +judgment as to what is right. + +But some women like to read too well. Their will is not perfectly +trained, and they would rather think out a domestic problem than act it +out. The education of books alone is so one-sided that we cannot +consider it practical; it must be supplemented by cooking and sewing. + +At our present stage of progress cooking is more important than sewing. +Sewing can be more easily put out of the house than cooking; and in any +emergency sewing may be neglected from week to week without serious +consequences, while cooking must go on every day. Moreover, cooking is +by far the more healthful occupation, and one of the aims of a practical +education is to make healthy women. + +I do not glorify cooking. I do not think a good cook is the highest type +of woman. I do not even think it is the duty of every woman to cook. But +cooking is certainly practical, ninety-nine women in a hundred have +occasion some time in their lives for this accomplishment, and if they +are married it is nearly indispensable for them to have a knowledge of +it for the comfort of their families. + +Few women are born to be cooks, but most intelligent women can learn to +cook. It saves immense labor, however, if as girls they learn the art. +It is singular that so many who fancy they want to be chemists hate the +idea of going into their own kitchens to work. It is possibly because +they cannot choose their own hours for cooking. Cooking certainly +develops the mind as much as chemical experiments, and at the end of the +process you have something of direct service to mankind, which may or +may not be the case with work done in the laboratory. + +Cooking, sewing, and housekeeping are essential for any woman, married +or unmarried, who wishes to make a home, and a home is the practical +goal of the majority of women. A woman who is neat and intelligent +generally proves to be a good housekeeper without special instruction; +but with cooking and sewing, "Who wishes to be a master must begin +betimes." + +Arithmetic is a science which a girl needs to understand thoroughly--not +necessarily business arithmetic, which she can learn if occasion +requires, but the principles of arithmetic, and she should be able to +work in numbers quickly and accurately. + +The tide of opinion is against me here. A boy must know arithmetic of +course, or how can he fulfill his destiny and make money? But a girl! +Nevertheless, no woman can manage a household properly, or even guide +her own affairs as a single woman, without a good knowledge of +arithmetic. Her money will be wasted, her servants will cheat her, +tradespeople will be demoralized by her. There may be so much money at +her command that she goes on serenely unaware of harm. She may perform +feats of charity, but what was meant to be a blessing becomes a curse +through her ignorance. + +A millionaire who meant to give his daughter every advantage began as +usual with a French nurse and a German maid and a music master who could +command a fabulous price, while he engaged an artist of distinction to +oversee her untidy attempts at drawing. At last he remembered that she +ought to have a teacher in English, and a lady was engaged to teach +grammar and literature and history. "And arithmetic?" she asked. "A +little, perhaps. Girls need very little." + +The millionaire's daughter came to take her lesson--a bright, handsome +girl, full of good nature. "I hate arithmetic, you know," she said +confidingly, shrugging her shoulders and puckering her brows. "And then, +what's the good of it for a girl?" + +The teacher did not argue the question, but began her task. "If thirteen +yards of ribbon cost $3.25, how much will one yard cost?" As doing this +problem in her mind was quite out of Miss Malvina's power, she was +allowed paper and pencil. She wrinkled her forehead, curled her lip, +looked up and laughed, "I haven't the faintest idea, don't you know?" A +few judicious questions led her to see the necessity of dividing $3.25 +by 13, and she went to work. After a season of struggle her countenance +cleared. "Upon my word, I've got the answer--25!" "Twenty-five what?" +"Twenty-five--why--twenty-five dollars!" "Wouldn't that be rather high +for ribbon?" asked the teacher. "Oh, I don't know," replied Miss +Malvina carelessly. "I'll tell you," she added triumphantly; "I should +tell them to give me the best, and I suppose they would know what I +ought to pay." This is hardly an extreme case. In the public schools the +girls still learn arithmetic,--perhaps they spend too much strength upon +it for the practical mastery they get; but in private schools the best +of teachers find it almost impossible to give girls a working knowledge +of the subject, because the tide of feeling is so strong against it. + +By and by Miss Malvina's father found himself having trouble with his +workmen. There were strikes. The family received threatening letters. +Malvina's rosy cheeks grew pale. "I don't know what they want," she said +forlornly. "They say we are all so extravagant. I don't know what +difference that makes to them if we pay for what we buy. We never hurt +them. I wish we were not rich at all. It would be much nicer to be poor. +I should like to be a--what is it?--a commoner--or a communist or +something. Then nobody would be envious." + +Now there was not a more generous girl in the world than Malvina. If she +had been afloat on a raft after a shipwreck she would have been the one +to give up her last ration of water to any one who needed it more. She +was ready to pour out money in any case of distress, but she had no +idea of its value, and none of her charities prospered, except so far +as her rosy, good-natured face could be seen, for that, to be sure, did +good like a medicine. + +And she was not a stupid girl, though certainly not brilliant in +mathematics. If she had been taught that arithmetic is positively needed +by every girl, rich or poor, she could have learned all she needed to +know of figures to make her life a blessing to hundreds of people whom +she only injured for lack of such knowledge. + +A vast amount of the daily comfort of people of narrow means depends on +the understanding the mother of a family has of accounts, so that the +real needs and pleasures may be provided for without the contraction of +debt. In a rich family the burden of the mother's incapacity for figures +does not fall directly on those dearest to her, but it has unconsciously +a far greater weight in the world at large, and is one of the chief +among the unrecognized elements causing the increasing bitterness +between the rich and the poor. + +Let every girl, rich or poor, be required to keep her own accounts +accurately from the time she is old enough to have an allowance of even +ten cents a month, and there would be a perceptible amelioration in some +of the hardest of present conditions. + +I believe that some music should be included in a practical +education,--certainly if a girl has a taste for it. The ability to sing +hymns and ballads, and to play accompaniments well, adds so much to the +happiness of a woman herself, and usually to that of her family, that it +ought to be considered as something more than an accomplishment. I +should not wish to be understood as limiting a musical education to +these requirements. I should like to have every girl carry her education +as far as she can without neglecting duties she feels more important. +Even when she has no musical talent, but merely a love for music, though +she cannot give much pleasure to others, I think she may get an +elevation of mind from stumbling through Beethoven and Wagner which is +worth the time she spends. Still, I think singing is of more practical +use than instrumental music, and the power to play simple things well +which is so rare is in most cases more to the purpose than to stumble +through Beethoven and Wagner. + +Drawing is practical as it trains the eye and hand, but unpractical if +it leads a girl to think her commonplace pictures are works of art. It +seems to me that a good way for girls to study art is for them to look +at good pictures with older people who have taste and judgment, because +this gives them new resources of enjoyment. Of course when a girl has +special talent she needs the training which will give her the power to +produce, but this chapter is devoted to the general education of girls. + +Every girl should study at least one science. Science trains the mind in +a different way from other studies. And one science sheds light on all +the rest. Then, anything which puts cheap pleasures within our reach is +a safeguard and a blessing. The happiness of life is no light thing, and +those who have tested it know how much simple happiness comes from the +pursuit of botany or ornithology or mineralogy. + +It would be a great thing if every woman could be so well educated that +she could teach her own children, at least the main branches, up to the +time when they are twelve years old. This is by no means saying that it +is not well for many children to be sent to school, but it is calling +attention to a great privilege which some mothers and some children may +enjoy. What ought a woman to be able to teach her children? To read, in +the broad sense, to write a legible hand, and to speak correctly. She +ought to be able to teach them arithmetic, and also the rudiments of one +science, to give them in early life the right outlook upon the world +around them. She ought particularly to be able to give them fine +manners, but these belong to the moral training which was spoken of at +the beginning of the chapter. They do bear, however, on that part of the +social life which may not be distinctly moral, but which is of high +practical importance to one's success in life, as well as to one's +happiness. Many of the noblest women are shy and awkward except with +their special friends, and so are unfitted for practical life. Mothers +should remember this and make a determined effort to give children the +practice of meeting many people, though, of course, the kind of people +and the conditions under which they are to be met require careful +consideration. + +As for the entirely moral qualities which contribute most to what is +usually called success in the world, they are probably courage, good +temper, thoughtfulness for others, perseverance, and trustworthiness. + +And all this time I have said nothing of any use to be made of education +in earning a living. Yet is not that just what our education must do if +it is to be practical? I do not ignore this, and shall have more to say +of self-support elsewhere. But on the principle that we eat to live +rather than live to eat, I think even from a practical standpoint the +full development of a woman is of more consequence than the amount of +money she can earn. As far as the mere living goes, a practical woman +can live better on a little money than an unpractical one on much. When +her practicality comes from the high quality of her character, she will +lead the best possible life whether she be rich or poor, and I believe +the kind of culture I have outlined in this chapter will do something to +add happiness to goodness and usefulness. + + + + +IV. + +SELF-SUPPORT.--SHALL GIRLS SUPPORT THEMSELVES? + + +I Once knew an agreeable girl whose great failing was her self-conceit. +She was sure she could do everything anybody could do. As she did not +look down on other people's efforts, she was amusing rather than +annoying. She was always ready to write a poem, or sing a song, or paint +a picture, and as she was a society girl and lived in a grand house, her +little doings were often favorably mentioned in the local papers, so she +may be pardoned for believing she had a variety of talents, though +nobody who read her poems or heard her songs agreed with her. + +Then came a crisis in her affairs. She was thrown on her resources +without a moment's warning. She had to earn her living or starve. She +had plenty of energy, and was willing to work. She took a rapid review +of her powers. Then the scales fell from her eyes. She felt very +doubtful if there was one among her accomplishments which would furnish +bread for her. She would have said that all her conceit was gone. But +it was not so. As her need was so urgent, she tried to find work first +in one way and then in another. She was prepared to have the editors +reject her manuscripts, and she was not surprised that she could not +sell her pictures; but it was amazing to be told that her grammar and +spelling were faulty, and it was hard to see the amusement in the faces +of the art-dealers when they regarded her most cherished paintings. + +No woman can earn a living without some mortifying experiences, but the +more conceited she is the more such experiences she meets, because she +is inclined to attempt things preposterously beyond her. So this poor +girl who had always held her head high was snubbed by everybody; she was +told the truth with brutal frankness, and in time she learned her +lesson. She was not a dull girl nor a weak girl. There was one thing she +could do well at the outset, though she had so little discrimination in +regard to herself that it did not occur to her that this would be her +lever for moving the world. She was a beautiful housekeeper. + +She remembered this finally and acted accordingly. I cannot say that she +enjoyed her experience with a series of widowers, but she did her work +well and was paid for it. She also had a talent--strange to say it was +for drawing. She did not realize this either, for she could not +discriminate enough to see that her amateur work as an artist was at all +different from her amateur singing and playing. At first she had +thought she could do everything well, and then she thought she could do +nothing well. But by slow degrees, and through much tribulation, she +began to set her faculties in order, and when she found her germ of a +talent she cultivated it. Ten years later she was able to support +herself as an engraver. + +By this time her one fault had vanished. She was simple and modest and +self-respecting, while she retained the courage and cheerfulness which +had made her attractive as a girl. "If you wish to cure a girl of +conceit," she once said to a friend, "let her try to earn her living. As +long as she does not ask to be paid, everybody will praise her work, but +let her offer to sell her services and then see!" + +I have not told this story to discourage girls who wish to be +independent, but to show them the difficulties in their way. There is no +doubt that every girl should be able to support herself. This very case +makes it clear. But it does not seem to me equally clear that every girl +should support herself, and certainly, if she does, it requires great +judgment to select the way. + +Fifty years ago women were very dependent, but now many avenues are open +to them, and perhaps they have been urged almost too much to earn their +own living. I will therefore speak of some circumstances in which it +seems to me a girl is to be excused from that. + +1. If she is rich, I think there are two objections to her earning +money. One is trite and has been often answered. She should not take the +bread out of the mouths of those who need it. I do not think this a very +strong objection, because every one who works and produces anything adds +to the wealth of the world, and sets others free to work for new ends. +But one can do good service, without working for money, and, in point of +fact, a woman who chooses any of the common ways of earning money +usually does shut out some one else. + +To illustrate: I knew two school-girls who were classmates, both +excellent girls. Martha was the best scholar in school. Lucy was rather +dull, though not conspicuously so. Martha wished to teach, as her mother +was a widow and poor. She applied for a situation in a neighboring town, +but was told that some one had been before her, and though the matter +was not then decided, the school was at last given to the first-comer, +who proved to be Lucy. Lucy's father was a well-to-do merchant whose +name was known to the committee, and this settled the question. Lucy +herself was quite innocent. She had no wish to interfere with Martha. +Nor had she any special wish to teach. But she wanted a new silk dress, +and she thought she should like to earn it. Her friends said she showed +the right spirit and encouraged her. Martha and her mother suffered the +most pinching poverty while Lucy was earning her dress, and when Martha +at last found a place she proved to be a wonderful teacher, while Lucy +was a commonplace one. It might, of course, have been the other way. If +Lucy had been the gifted girl, then she certainly ought to have used her +gifts, but not necessarily for money. + +This is one of many instances which lead me to think that if girls who +are rich try to earn money they crowd out those who are poorer. They do, +however, gain some things so valuable as almost to offset this +objection; for instance, they are cured of conceit. I shall return to +this subject. + +The other objection to the earning of money by the rich is, that there +is so much work to be done in the world which cannot in the nature of +things be done by those who have to earn their living, that the rich +cannot be spared for ordinary occupations. I shall give a special +chapter to the work of the leisure classes. + +2. There are many families of moderate means where one daughter, at +least, can be supported at home without great sacrifices on the part of +any one. This is true of almost every family where a servant is kept, +for a mother and daughter together can usually do the work of a family +more quickly and better than the mother and a servant. Now, if a girl +has domestic tastes and is willing to work at home, it seems to me +better for her to stay there, even with very little money, than to try +to make herself independent elsewhere. If her tastes are not domestic, +it changes the case entirely. Then let her go out and use the powers +which have been given her. + +3. A girl is sometimes needed at home by an invalid father or mother, or +she can help the children or make them happy. No general rule can be +laid down, because no two cases are alike, but it is often true that a +girl ought to give up not only earning money, but even using some of her +powers, for the sake of doing still better work at home. And there are +multitudes of instances in which she should not be urged to leave home +unless she wishes it. + +Practically a home life is a good preparation for marriage, which will +be the lot of most girls. But though it is a good preparation, it is not +the best. Every girl needs a broader outlook on life than she can get in +her own home. If she is rich she can choose her way of getting it, by +travel, or in charities, or even through society. But the best knowledge +of the world is gained through the attempt to support herself. If her +occupation takes her into new sections of country, it also develops her +just as travel might do. + +I am inclined to think that the ideal preparation for marriage would +demand half a dozen years between school and the wedding-day, divided +into three parts, given in order to a home life, to self-support, and to +travel. + +It is often said that a girl ought actually to support herself before +she can be fitted to do so in case of an emergency. I remember the +daughter of a wealthy man who went into a counting-room and worked +several years for this reason. Her father said that as soon as she could +live on the income she earned he thought the experiment would have +succeeded and she might return home. At first it seemed as if it never +would succeed. She was a good accountant and earned a fair salary. But +she had been accustomed to spend more than most girls can earn, and she +was loth to reduce her expenses just when she was working for money. By +the end of the second year, however, she began to be tired of her work, +so she rigorously kept within her salary for the third year, and then +retired. Her experiment had been infinitely easier than if she had been +obliged to make it without having other resources, but she had learned +valuable lessons. + +It seems to me that if a girl who need not work for money does so she +will do well to live on what she earns, at least for a time. To earn an +extra silk dress does not seem an adequate object. I think if our +accountant had gone on many years as she began she would not only have +taken the place needed by some one else, but she would have made other +accountants discontented because they could not dress as she did. She +would have raised the standard of luxury among them without adding +anything to their power to reach it. + +I knew a young lady with a narrow income who for that reason chose to +teach in a large school where several other teachers were employed at +the same salary, namely, six hundred dollars. Everybody praised her +judgment and taste, for she appeared to be able to do so much more than +the rest with her money. Everybody said that six hundred dollars was a +fine salary for anybody who had the wit to use it. Some thought a +general reduction of salaries would not be amiss. Nobody knew of her +reserve. The other teachers tried their best to do as well, but they +grew discouraged and envious. Of course she was not to blame, but I +think that in general the common welfare is best served when the +wage-workers live on what they earn, at least while they are earning it. +The surplus can be laid aside for the time when they are at leisure. + + +But although I do not think that all girls should be urged to support +themselves, the majority must do so, or they will burden others. There +is also a large class of women who do not absolutely need to earn money, +who nevertheless will be better and happier to do so. Independence is +very sweet, and even if for love's sake a woman chooses to give it up, +it is more inspiring to make a deliberate sacrifice of it than to be +dependent because she must be. All homes are not happy, even where the +members of the family love each other and have a general purpose to do +right. Perhaps it may be said that few young people are satisfied +thoroughly with their homes. Would it not mean the destruction of the +ideal if they were? It would be terrible to them to have the home broken +up, and they do love their parents, but they think they could manage +better, and may be right in thinking so. + +Now, if a girl at home has this feeling of unrest, she may be too ready +to marry the first suitor, because she thinks more about the ideal home +she can make than about the husband. If, on the contrary, she goes away +and earns her living, she will look around her with less prejudiced +eyes. If her home is really unhappy, she will be free from it. If its +troubles are merely superficial, she will find this out as soon as she +compares it with other homes. If she has not been willing to meet her +share of trial and responsibility, she will now find that a change of +place has not set her free, for the trouble was in herself. When she +does go back to her home it will be with very different appreciation of +it. + +When a girl has become a woman her instinct leads her to long to be at +the head of her own home, whether she is married or unmarried. To be +absolute mistress even of one room in a lodging-house at the end of a +day's labor is often better to her than to be at the call of everybody +in her father's beautiful home where she is supposed to be at leisure +all day. And this is right. If a girl has been badly trained, how can +she help thinking she may do better than her mother does? If she has +been well trained, she ought to be able to do better than her mother, +for every generation begins at a higher point than the preceding. She +has much of her mother's experience to help her while she is still fresh +and strong and enthusiastic. There are very few women between the ages +of twenty-five and forty who can be thoroughly contented in any home of +which they are not the mistress, however patiently and nobly they may +conceal their feelings. After forty they are often so tired as to be +glad of any kind of a home. + +Then there are women with special gifts. I am thinking now of one who +had a fortune, and yet chose to do the hard work of a physician. She had +the aptitude for the work and the means for thorough study. She was +among the most skillful physicians of her native city. She saved many +lives, and relieved much suffering. She gave her priceless services to +hundreds of poor people, but she did not give to those who could pay for +them. I think she was altogether right. The world was better because she +used her gift, and she was happier, as all are who exercise their +powers. + +Perhaps she blocked the way of less fortunate physicians. But this was +because she gave a better gift than they could give. Certainly she had +a right to give it even to the rich whose money could only buy a part of +it. If she had served the rich without taking their money, she would not +only have sapped their self-respect, but she would have been a more +formidable obstacle in the way of poorer physicians. She would have been +offering a premium in money to those who employed her, whereas the only +premium she had a right to offer was her superior skill. It was because +she could give priceless services that she had so clear a right to fix a +price which she did not need. + +Suppose another woman her equal by nature, but who had not had the means +for so complete an education, was set aside because she could not +compete with one who had both the nature and the education,--even then +the case would not be altered, for still the richer woman had a higher +gift to give than the poorer one. It would be a bitter trial to the +poorer woman to be met only by philosophy and religion; but if she were +a just woman, she could not say that her rich rival had not done right. + +When a beautiful young society woman of Boston consents to play at a +concert every one feels it to be right, because few people can play so +exquisitely. When she gives her services for some charity there is an +especial fitness in it, since those who go to hear her wish to pay the +high prices for the rare treat, and would still wish to do so if she +were to keep the money for herself. But if she plays at a symphony +concert, she certainly has a right to be paid as others are. That is a +matter of self-respect. Why should she compete with other musicians on +any unnatural basis? + +These instances will show what I mean by saying that a rich woman who +has a great gift has a right to use it in earning money, when if the +gift were smaller she might not be justified. + +There are some qualities which are gained by self-support better than in +any other way. By receiving money in return for service, we learn what +our service is worth to others. We learn what we can do and what we +cannot do. We exchange self-conceit for self-respect. With a true +estimate of ourselves we learn how to estimate others more correctly. We +learn the real needs of the world and the way to meet them. In a word, +we learn justice. + +It is generally supposed that the qualities in which men are superior to +women are justice and courage. Courage, too, is cultivated by +self-support. A woman who daily faces the outside world may not be +braver than one who faces the little world at home, but she probably +will be. At the last moment the woman at home may sometimes shirk a task +which seems formidable to her, though she may be ashamed of her +cowardice; but a woman who has agreed to do a certain thing for a +certain sum of money cannot shirk, however frightened she may be, and by +degrees she learns to subdue her terror and go cheerfully and calmly to +her work. + +Furthermore, a woman who earns her money generally spends it more wisely +than when it is given to her. She may not be as economical in all ways +perhaps; but if she chooses to spend three dollars for a Wagner opera +ticket when she has a shabby bonnet, because she loves music, she may be +putting the true emphasis on her purchase, which she might not dare to +do if some one else supplied the money. + +On the whole, I am inclined to think that most unmarried women, as well +as many who are married, should support themselves. Where the necessity +exists, it is base to shrink from doing one's part. When others of the +family must endure privation to keep her at home, it is seldom that home +is a girl's place. But I would not have a girl too eager to support +herself. And I would not have her urged unless there is necessity. Above +all, I would guard her from illusions. + +It is not easy to earn one's living. It is true there are some +delightful modes of making money open to the fortunate few. But if one +earns all one spends,--which is the meaning of earning a living,--there +will always be hardships to meet. It is not best to anticipate trouble, +but it is cruel to let any girl try to make her way in the world with +the fancy that it will be easy. Yet most must make their own way, and +perhaps most of these have a fair share of happiness, for there are +compensations in all work done in the right spirit. + + + + +V. + +SELF-SUPPORT--HOW SHALL GIRLS SUPPORT THEMSELVES? + + +And now how shall a girl choose her occupation? And how shall she be +fitted for it? + +If she has a superb voice she may sing. If she has undoubted genius in +any direction her decision is easy, whatever difficulty there may be in +getting her education. Most people, however, have not genius. They can +do some things better than others, and it is of great importance to +their success and happiness that they should be able to use their +natural powers to the best advantage. Still their gifts are not great +enough to be perfectly clear at sight. It is only by careful cultivation +that they become really available, and if a mistake is made in the line +of one's education it is hard to repair it. + +I think the course I have already described as practical for girls +should be the foundation for the education of all girls, save in a few +exceptional cases. If, in the end, a girl marries, her reading and +cooking and housekeeping are all necessary. How can she use these homely +accomplishments in earning a living? + +They will not, to be sure, bring her a large income, but there is a +steadier demand for good work in these directions than in any others. So +a woman who has them is almost sure of a modest support. She need not go +out to service to be a cook. Who has seen the dignified and refined Mrs. +Lincoln giving lessons at the cooking-school without realizing that +cooking may be a fine art, or who has read the cook-book of Mrs. +Richards without perceiving that cooking may be an intellectual pursuit? + +But these women are exceptions. I will take a humbler example. I knew at +school a stylish, energetic girl who was too dull to learn her lessons, +but who had the air of polish which comes from association with educated +people. Half a dozen years later she found herself obliged to earn her +living. She had a little money, and she risked it in leasing a good +house on a good city street which she filled with boarders. She worked +very hard, and she had much to discourage and disgust her. But she knew +how such a house ought to be kept, and she had the determination to keep +it in that way. It will be seen that she was a rare landlady. Some +landladies do not know how a house ought to be kept, and some have no +clear purpose of keeping it as it ought to be kept when they do know the +way. Therefore she had great success. There were always two applicants +for every vacant room. Higher and higher prices were offered her. At +last she bought her house. Then she laid aside money. By and by she had +a comfortable fortune. She might then have retired from business, but +she chose to go on. During the first five years of her career her +experience had been so bitter that only necessity kept her at her post. +But now she had learned how to meet her difficulties, and it was a real +pleasure to her to see how well she could do her work. It was the work +she was born to do, as certainly as Raphael was born to paint pictures. + +Few women are so successful; but at the present stage of the world I +think it is true that no woman who thoroughly understands cooking and +housekeeping need fear that she cannot support herself if she must. I +knew a lady who excelled in these arts who was able to help her husband +in establishing a school. He was a fine teacher, but too individual to +work well in most schools. She took a dozen young people into the house +and gave them a delightful home. Her husband earned the living of the +family, and a very good living, too. She did little work with her hands, +and an assistant teacher was employed to care for the pupils out of +school. The housekeeping took but little time, and the lady was +apparently almost as free as when her husband had been struggling along +in a high school. But she understood so well what was needed that a word +here and a look there kept all things smooth, and her husband who had +seemed on the brink of ruin came out a successful man. + +But all who can manage their own homes cannot manage those of others, +even if they are willing to do so. Suppose with all her practical +education our girl never shines as a cook or a housekeeper! I have +suggested that she should be so thoroughly grounded in primary school +work that she could teach her own children till they are twelve years +old. Then, if she has the natural power to discipline, she can, if need +be, teach a primary school. Now the number of primary schools to be +taught is vastly greater than in any other grade, because all pupils +must begin at the foot of the ladder, though most of them do not climb +to the top. And it is doubtful whether competition among teachers of +primary grades is proportionately great. I have heard of a leading +normal school principal who decided to train his own daughter for +primary work, because his experience showed him there was always a +demand for such work. He said truly, "There are few schools which will +pay much for unusual learning. Executive ability and tact in imparting +knowledge are most wanted, together, of course, with thorough grounding +in the rudimentary branches." + +His daughter had both taste and talent for higher studies. He wished her +to indulge her taste. "But," he added, "she must buy this higher +knowledge as she would any other luxury, and not delude herself with +the idea that it will make much difference with her power of earning +money. If she earns her living by primary work, which requires little +study out of school, she will have leisure to pursue her own tastes. Of +course she may thus in time be fitted for higher work, and she may +prefer to do it, and may even earn more money by it, but she will then +do the work because it is her natural choice and not for the sake of the +money." So altogether I believe that any girl who has the foundation +education which will fit her for a home life will also be able to earn a +respectable living if the need arises. + +I would not, however, have her stop there. A woman who has to work +wishes to work to the best advantage, both as to the amount of money she +earns, and the quality of the work she does. I believe every girl should +have the simple solid foundation I have indicated, but I also think that +in most cases a superstructure should be reared upon it, and that there +should be almost as many forms of superstructure as there are +individuals. Therefore, in choosing your occupation I will suggest this +rule: Do not despise the lowest drudgery which comes plainly in your +way; but always choose the highest work you are able to do. + +For example, I knew a highly educated young lady who found it necessary +to teach. She hated the work, as many teachers do, and yet she had a +fine, forcible character, so that she did her work well. One day in a +moment of vexation she was heard to exclaim, "I would rather be a waiter +in a restaurant than teach school!" Now it happened that one of her +pupils did become a waiter in the very restaurant which had called out +the remark. And she made an excellent waiter. Her apron was always clean +and her hair was always smooth. She was quick and quiet in filling an +order, and modest and self-possessed and sweet-tempered. She did her +work well and used her leisure well, and she deserved great praise. But +in her case this was the best work open to her. She was a hopelessly +dull scholar, and she was awkward with her needle. Nor did she have the +kind of mind necessary to direct others. She could not have conducted a +boarding-house. She could, however, do her own little bit of work well. +Now what was fine in her would not have been fine in the teacher. To be +sure, it is a pity to teach if one hates it, more of a pity than to do +some mechanical work, because there is danger that the feeling may react +upon the scholars. Still, this woman had the necessary self-control to +do this good work. On the other hand, she was not attracted to any +inferior work for its own sake. She would have made an excellent +duchess. Her talents as well as her tastes fitted her for such a life. +But she had to earn her living, and so far as she or her friends could +see there was no direction in which she could work without finding it +intolerable. And so it seems to me she did right to choose the best work +open to her and do it as well as she could, and I think if she had +forsaken the school-room for the restaurant she would not have done what +was best either for herself or for others. + +I have known an ignorant woman who kept a lodging-house with such +devotion that it was like a work of art. Its purity and freshness, its +warmth and light had a charm beyond that of comfort. Such work is to be +done, and it is not often done well, because the woman who does it is +below rather than above her task. "Let the great soul incarnated in some +woman's form, poor and sad and single, in some Dolly or Joan, go out to +service, and sweep chambers and scour floors, and its effulgent day +beams cannot be muffled or hid, but to sweep and scour will instantly +appear supreme and beautiful actions, the top and radiance of human +life, and all people will get mops and brooms; until lo, suddenly the +great soul has enshrined itself in some other form and done some other +deed, and that is now the flower and head of all living nature." + +The lower work must be done, and often by the highest natures. It must +then be done willingly and with a recognition that it can be made a work +of art. But it should be deliberately chosen only by those to whom it is +the highest work. I have in mind a young man who might have been a +musician, but he would not practice, so he became a shoemaker. He had to +work harder as a shoemaker than he would have done as a musician, but it +was from hand to mouth. He did not have to work steadily towards a +future good. He had no gift but that of music, so that even if he had +been a musician he would have ranked far lower in the scale of manhood +than the shoemakers of the village; but he would have done the best he +could do, while as a shoemaker he was despicable. + +I knew a good teacher, capable of taking responsibility, who hated it so +that she gave up work the moment she had acquired a miserable pittance. +She lived ever after a pinched life, whose chief source of happiness to +herself was the negative satisfaction of escaping responsibility; for +she was too poor to gratify any of her many beautiful tastes. She had +the power to lead a large, full life, but she had not the will and +courage to meet the obstacles in her way. She chose instead to stunt +herself and be a drudge. She swept her poor rooms clean, and she was +willing to sweep them, but I do not think she "swept them as to God's +law," for though she often made them "fine," I do not think she made +"the action fine." + +But such a case is rare. More people choose work too high for them. We +all like to think we have some touch of genius, though we may be +discreet enough not to say so. But few of us have talents at all equal +to our tastes, and we must beware of trying to get our livelihood in the +direction of our tastes rather than of our talents. + +One girl in ten thousand has the voice of a _prima donna_. Ten other +girls in ten thousand have voices so good that they believe them to be +like that of a _prima donna_. The first will succeed beyond her wildest +dreams. She will have fame and fortune. The other ten will have some +success, success which will seem great to the lookers on, but they will +have heart-breaking disappointments within their own breasts. A hundred +girls in the ten thousand have more talent for music than for most other +things, and if they are well educated, they may perhaps make a good +living as teachers, church singers, organists, or accompanists. This is +not what they hoped, but they do the work that belongs to them, and on +the whole may be counted successful. Another hundred like music, and can +learn enough to add to their enjoyment and to that of those about them. +They might even teach music, if the demand for teachers were not already +filled by those who have a greater gift. But now it is clear their bread +must depend on other work for which they have less taste. These are the +"betwixt and between" who are always fighting a battle between taste and +talent. They have a compensation,--they are less one-sidedly developed +than if all their talents were concentrated in one; but they hardly +realize this. + +Now, how is the line to be drawn among the musical? Who are to earn +their living by music and who are to be amateurs? Especially as fifty of +our second hundred can with proper education easily excel fifty of the +first hundred who have less education. Who is to decide whether it is +prudent for a girl to spend all she has on a musical education with the +hope of making herself independent in the end? No one can decide +positively, but at least do not let any girl fancy that she is the one +of ten thousand or even one of the ten. And let her ask for the judgment +of more than one good musician before she is sure she belongs to the +first hundred. If she loves music supremely, it may be worth while for +her to spend everything on her education, even if she finally has to +support herself with her needle, for it will be its own reward, and +having tried to do what she believed to be her best, even her failure +will not be a failure of character. + +If there is any occupation delightful in itself, there will always be +many people who will hope that they have talent enough to make it a +source of livelihood. We all wish to be musicians and artists and poets. +The most bitter disappointments come to those who try these paths and +fail. It has always seemed to me that where bread-winning is a +necessity, we ought first to secure the means of living in some humbler +way, and then there may be a chance to pursue these higher occupations +for their own sake, and not to degrade them by false methods which we +think will bring us money. + +I have heard of a poor girl who had a genius for acting. She went out to +service while she was studying, she learned how to do housework well, +and she had that resource always left to her in case she should fail on +the stage. She succeeded, but she could not have succeeded if she had +insisted on acting at the outset. + +I knew a girl who had ability as a story writer. Two positions were open +to her at the same time, one as a book-keeper, the other as writer for a +certain department in a third-rate magazine. She chose to be a +book-keeper, for she knew that if she took the magazine work she must +write whether in the spirit or not, and that the rank of the magazine +was such that she would have little encouragement to do her best. Of +course, as book-keeper she had very little leisure. Stories germinated +in her brain which she had no time to write; but when she was thoroughly +possessed by a story, she did find time to write it, and her work was +good. She chose to do the second best work for money, so that her best +work might not be degraded by the need of money. + +Few persons have genius enough to undertake any artistic work if they +have a pressing need for the money they are to receive from it. With +ever so small an income from other sources, they may cheerfully try +their best and prove what they can do. But with no income at all, they +will be too greatly tempted to prostitute the talent they have. Yet "if +you cannot paint, you may grind the colors." Occasionally our cravings +for artistic work may partially be gratified by doing lower work in the +same line, and this may sometimes be a foundation for the higher work. + +A young girl had an ardent desire to be an elocutionist. She had a good +voice, a flexible body, and some intelligence. She was willing to spend +every penny on her education. Fortunately she had an unusually fine +teacher, who told her the truth. He said, "You could easily learn the +little tricks of voice and gesture which bring applause from ignorant +people, and make one blush to be called an elocutionist, but you have +not the dramatic sense and can never be a great reader. What you need to +do is to study some literary masterpiece till you thoroughly appreciate +it, and then read it as simply and clearly as possible." + +"But would anybody come to hear me read?" she asked. + +"I am afraid not," he said; "but you could teach reading." + +This had not been her ambition, but she had an earnest character and was +willing to read in the right way. She did take a place in a school and +became a power there. She taught her scholars how to use the breath, to +sit and stand easily and gracefully while reading, to enunciate +clearly, and pronounce correctly. Moreover, she taught them to read +noble poems instead of the flimsy showy jingles which had at first +attracted her. She never made any figure as a public reader, but she did +not regret serving the art she had learned to reverence on a lower +plane. + +But, some one may say, suppose she had not been able to teach! She might +not have understood the art of controlling scholars even if she +understood what to teach them. In that case she might have been a +private reader to some elderly or infirm person. There is a demand for +private readers, but few can fill such a place, though we fancy +everybody can read. Even where there is intelligence so that one is a +pleasant reader, there are few who can manage the voice well enough to +read several hours in succession as is often desired. + +A woman with artistic tastes will probably do better service in studying +ways of making beautiful homes or in lines of decorative work than by +striving to paint great pictures. Let her paint the pictures if she is +moved to do it and has time, and if they turn out to be great pictures +that will be well; but until her greatness has been proved, would it not +be better for her to depend for her support on the less ambitious +departments of her art, especially as a beautifully planned home gives a +higher artistic pleasure than second-rate painting? + +It is strange that so few women are architects. Architecture is the +sublimest of arts, and yet it has room to employ humble talents. A +practical woman with a love of beauty, a mathematical mind, and a +knowledge of mechanical drawing would undoubtedly be a great help to an +architect in planning dwelling-houses. At any rate, as the matter stands +at present, very few interiors are either convenient or beautiful in +proportion to the money spent on them. A woman might not plan a public +building well, but her help is needed in all our homes, and especially +in tenement houses. + +I once knew a woman who was a poet. Her songs were full of beauty and +helpfulness, but poetry is not lucrative. She took a position as teacher +of literature in a girls' school. There never had been such teaching as +hers in the school before. She showed the girls the poetic meaning of +the great writers, and gave them a moral and intellectual impulse which +lasted through life. Sometimes in an hour of inspiration she still wrote +poems. Her teaching was so excellent that she was sought after in other +schools. But she found that when she undertook too much her spirit +flagged. She could still teach, but she could not write. So she went +back to her first plan. Of course it was hard work. The girls were often +dull and unsympathetic. Yet her study of literature helped her in her +own great purpose of life, and the contact with youth was sometimes an +inspiration in itself. Usually, however, teaching is an injury to a +writer, because of the need of constantly adapting one's self to +inferior minds. + +There are few women who can devote themselves to pure literature, and +few of these can earn a living by it; so, delightful as it is, it can +hardly be counted among the bread-winning occupations. But if a woman +thinks she can be satisfied to work regularly on a newspaper or a +magazine she may often earn a large income. If money or fame is her +object she must always sign her own name to everything she writes, as it +takes genius to coerce the public into admiration of anonymous work. + +A great many women have found it well to be teachers, and most of their +work is conscientiously done, though few have the highest ideal so +constantly before them as to find pleasure in the work when their own +faults are of such a nature that success depends on overcoming them. A +firm, quick-witted woman, with sufficient self-reliance to relish +responsibility, is the only one who can be happy in a large school or at +the head of a small one. Now, those are the lucrative positions for +teachers, and, indeed, the positions in which the largest results can be +accomplished, and they ought to be filled by the finest women. But the +finest women must have certain other qualities. They need to be +thoughtful even more than quick witted; they must be able to balance +conflicting interests, and that is hard to reconcile with firmness; and +if they are modest and conscientious they rarely have the self-reliance +which makes responsibility anything but a grievous burden. Yet there are +teachers who have enough of all these contradictory qualities to succeed +in doing the difficult and admirable work if they are only willing to be +unhappy for the sake of doing something noble. + +But some can never be disciplinarians, however determined their +character may be, principally, I think, because the true student must +usually be occupied with a train of thought which cannot be interrupted +from moment to moment to detect the petty tricks of insubordinate +pupils. So if you mean to be a teacher, think first whether you have +quick observation; then, are you firm, and are you willing to give your +whole heart to your work? If you can answer these questions favorably, +you may persevere in your attempt to make your way to the head of a +school, even if your first trial does not succeed. If you have not the +executive ability, then turn all your energy in other directions. There +are positions as assistants in grammar schools where any woman of good +education who is conscientious and persevering may in time work to +advantage, and though such positions are probably more mechanical than +any others, yet they often leave the teacher considerable freedom to +pursue her own tastes outside of school. + +But if you feel that your temperament is essentially that of the +student, so that you could fill the place of assistant in some advanced +school, then give yourself to special studies. I would not say study +history exclusively for ten years, even if you have a taste for history, +because there are few schools where a teacher can be employed for +history alone. But suppose you spent half your time for twenty years on +history, and the other half on literature, languages, etc., you would +probably find some place open to you all the time, and at the end of +twenty years you might be fit for a college position, and much more fit +than if you had narrowed yourself to one study. In most cases the bent +in one direction is not so strong that the student cannot do many things +fairly well. The half dozen best scholars in most secondary schools are +usually the best in mathematics, in the sciences, in literature, and in +language. It is a good plan for such scholars to "level up" in every +direction. Two years' study in each line after leaving school will carry +them beyond the requirements of most schools,--though of course no +teacher can hope to succeed who does not study daily the branches she +teaches, to keep abreast of the times, and to make her teaching +fresh,--and if she is able to teach a variety of subjects she is pretty +sure to find an engagement in some of the many schools where only a few +assistants can be employed. And it is no small additional advantage that +her own mind is more evenly developed than that of a specialist. + +Just now the demand for women to teach the sciences seems to be greater +in proportion to the supply than in any other direction. If a girl has a +natural taste for chemistry, zoölogy, or mineralogy, and cultivates it, +she is very sure to "put money in her purse." But the supply is +increasing, so this state of things may not last long. + +No one thinks sewing an attractive means of livelihood, but where a girl +has a decided taste for the needle there are openings for her gifts. I +know a mother and daughter who support themselves in comfort by +embroidering dresses for the stage, and by giving lessons in the making +of fine laces. And I heard the other day of a farmer's daughter who came +to the city to work as a dressmaker, and who showed such taste and skill +that she soon commanded a salary of two thousand dollars for overseeing +an establishment. It is pleasant to add that she married a rich man of +refined tastes, and that she made a beautiful home for him, a centre for +all lovers of the fine arts. + +A thousand occupations are now open to women. You can be a type-writer, +or a stenographer, or a private secretary, or saleswoman. You can keep a +bakery, or do city shopping for country ladies. But whatever you do, +keep these principles in mind:-- + +1. Do not drift into any work. Circumstances may force you to do +something unsuited to you, and then you must do your best; but where +even a narrow choice is left, try to weigh your own tastes and talents +truly, and choose something to which you are willing to give your +energies, and in which, if you work hard, there is reasonable hope you +will succeed. + +2. Whether you like your work or not, make it something more than a +means of self-support. We all want "a broad margin to our lives," and we +may do our great life-work entirely outside of our work for bread. But +most of us necessarily put so much of our strength as well as our time +into earning our livelihood, that, if we are the women we ought to be, +that too must express our nobleness. We may not like our work, but we +can make it worth doing, even if we never gain a penny from it. Milton +was no doubt sorry to receive only £15 for "Paradise Lost," but we +should all be willing to starve in a garret to do work like that. It +ought to be the same with the humblest occupation. We should like to +earn something by it, but first we wish to have it worth more than +money, and it will be so if we work in the right spirit. + + + + +VI. + +OCCUPATIONS FOR THE RICH. + + +In one of George Eliot's letters she says that her chief hope from the +higher education of women is that they will do much unproductive labor +which at present is either badly done or not done at all. But she +thought it would be unbecoming in her to say much publicly on that +subject, for she could not fail to know that her own genius set her +apart from other women and gave her a definite work to do. + +For those who have simply many good powers without any dominating one +the case is different. The poor must use their gifts to gain bread; but +if they do not make their occupation the medium of higher work, they are +no better than the idle rich. The rich, instead of being excused from +work by circumstances, are the more bound to work, because they can +choose what is best in itself. + +Where a girl has many equal gifts it may be well sometimes to have +several occupations; but it is usually best to choose some one form of +daily employment as the nucleus of her life, and to persevere with that +till she accomplishes something. + +Most girls would choose to devote themselves to some charity. I will +speak of that in another chapter. Here I wish to say something of +occupations which can be followed only by those who are rich enough to +dispose of their own time, and which, though at first they may not seem +to be of much use to others, are indirectly among the most powerful +factors in the progress of the world. + +In New England, at least, girls often stay in school till they are +twenty, and by that time they have learned the elements of chemistry, +physics, botany, zoölogy, physiology, geology, and astronomy. If they +have learned these thoroughly, the variety of studies is an advantage, +as one science throws light on all the rest. Yet of course they have +learned only the rudiments of any of these subjects, and if they try to +carry them all on after leaving school they can hardly do very good work +in any. + +Suppose a girl decides that chemistry is the most fascinating of the +group. Then let her make a special study of that. She will know enough +of the other sciences to use them when she needs their help, or she may +wish to study minerals or plants or animals chemically. If she is rich, +she ought to carry on her study with special teachers till she reaches a +point where she can do original work. Then, let her have her own little +laboratory, and give some hours every day regularly to experiments. +"Original work" sounds terrifying to most girls; they think it requires +genius. It does take genius to gather the results of experiments into +laws. But as I have elsewhere suggested, the experiments must all be +first tried; and many a girl is neat and skillful and accurate enough to +do all the drudgery necessary, leaving the man,--or woman,--of genius +free for the higher work. True, it takes genius to know what experiments +to try. But a girl who has had special teachers is sure to know one +among them who is doing original work, and who wishes the days were +twice as long that he might try more experiments. Let her ask him to +trust some work to her. She may make some discoveries herself, but at +any rate she will do work which is needed. + +I call to mind a case in point. A young lady had a great taste for +drawing, as well as a good scientific mind. She became acquainted with a +physician who was making original studies in the microscopic germs of +disease. They worked side by side. The physician detected the +animalcules and plants and crystals with the microscope, and explained +to her how he wanted them represented. She was intelligent enough to +understand his explanations and skillful enough to make the drawings. +His own drawings were too clumsy to convey his idea, but with her help +his observations were made available for others. + +Suppose a girl enjoys botany. I know a woman who has made lichens the +study of a life-time. This has been a source of high culture as well as +of pleasure to herself, for, as she says, this is the most intellectual +family of plants, and no one can study their structure without being +brought face to face with profound questions. Moreover, this study has +opened her eyes and those of her friends to much beauty; for until we +begin to look at lichens we are often conscious of hardly more than a +dull wall of rock or the dead gray wood of old buildings, when in truth +every inch of their surface is decorated with rich forms and delicate +colors. She won a certain measure of fame by the discovery of a new +lichen, but she did better than that, she made one of the finest +collections in the United States for a local city museum, so that the +fruits of her labor were thus accessible to future lichenists; and she +gave much needed help to geologists in investigating fossil lichens. + +Local collections of any kind are valuable. A young lady who +superintends the making of one in the town or village where she lives +will learn much herself, and she will attract many other young people to +pursue an innocent and healthful pleasure, so becoming a power in the +community. There are few such collections now in existence, and any girl +living in a small place who has a taste for science may act as a +pioneer. She can begin modestly with a single case at her own house, or, +better still, at the public library, and she will be surprised to see +how fast the museum will grow, and how useful and delightful it will +be. + +If a woman likes to experiment with plants, let her study botany at the +Harvard Annex. There she will learn how many questions in vegetable +physiology are awaiting investigation. Darwin studied one twining plant +after another till he discovered the rate of motion for each. Dr. +Goodale tells us how to trace the motion of ordinary growth. But think +of the myriads of plants which have not yet been examined, any one of +which is likely to yield suggestive results. + +If a woman loves flowers and does not care for botany, she has the whole +beautiful domain of horticulture open to her. Naturally she will have a +garden of her own and be connected with some flower mission. But she +might do more. A rich woman in the country who determined to make that +her principal work could easily interest every child in the community in +a garden, and by perseverance she might make the whole village blossom +with new beauty. In the city she might be the means of making the +balconies in whole streets lovely with growth. + +I heard of a young lady not long ago who was raising spiders for the +purpose of studying their habits. If she is in earnest, and has the +intelligence to try experiments, she may some day contribute something +substantial to scientific knowledge. I have heard of another who is +raising snails, and of still another who makes a specialty of +caddis-flies. Most people consider such work innocent and amusing, but +it may easily be made more. Take the question of the antennas of +insects. It took the combined experiments of a German and an American to +discover that the plumed antennæ of the male mosquito vibrated +differently to different parts of the female's song, thus representing +an outward ear. Now, of the two hundred thousand known species of +insects, all of which have antennæ, probably less than fifty have been +examined with anything like patience. These organs apparently serve in +some cases for touch, and sometimes for smell. It will take years of +study by hundreds of people to make the experiments necessary to decide +on their relations to the senses and the brains of insects. When they +are thoroughly understood, some light may be thrown on our own brain and +senses. + +Who but the rich can have leisure for such important experiments? Yet +any girl with a school knowledge of zoölogy could begin to work with +some common insect, and be all the better for spending several hours +every day in such a pursuit. + +I know a lady devoted to zoölogy who has many opportunities to travel. +She comes home laden with rare specimens which she distributes to all +the people she knows who can appreciate them; and another who has given +several years past to the study of geology. She has now become so +accomplished as to have made an excellent geological map of the town she +lives in. Such a map is greatly needed in any town, but how few are to +be found! + +Another lady who has a taste for mineralogy has unconsciously done good +in her own village by means of it. All the boys and girls in town are +ready to help her and have learned something from her. Her collection is +open to everybody. She has formed a club of ladies for the study of the +science in the winter evenings. There is a higher intellectual and moral +tone in the place because of this new interest. + +Goethe makes one of his heroines a lover of astronomy; he represents her +as living quietly with her telescope, and passing night after night in +close study of the stars. There is something ideally beautiful in his +description of her. + +One of my friends chose to give most of her time to music. Without being +a genius, she played remarkably well, and she made her work available +for others by playing the organ in a church which was rich, in +everything but money. I knew another fine pianist who gave lessons to +children who could not otherwise have had them. In both these cases the +ladies were as much bound by their self-imposed tasks as if they had +been earning their living, and their characters received almost as +great benefit; but it would not have been well that they should be paid +for their work. Why should they compete with those who needed the money? + +Harriet Martineau was not rich, but when she settled down in her own +little country-house she had a competence. She made her study useful to +the people around her, as well as to the world. She was skilled in +political economy, and she took pains to present its knotty problems in +a clear and simple form to the untrained minds of her poor neighbors. + +All women are not born to lecture even in this small way. But the study +of history, and still more of philosophy, does something more than to +broaden the mind of the student. A woman with a clear mind looks at +every subject more wisely than if she were half educated. Her judgment +has weight with every one she comes into contact with; but however +little her influence may be, it is likely to be on the right side. What +we are is so much more than what we do! Girls who are longing to do some +great thing are impatient when they are told this. It is so much easier +to measure what we do than what we are. I know a girl with a fine +intellect who loves to study, but who cannot quite give herself up to +study because she is haunted by the feeling that in this way she is +concentrating her life on herself. It is true there are learned women +who are very selfish, but it is not true that their learning makes them +so, certainly it is not, if they think and judge as well as learn. This +girl believes she ought to visit the poor, and some time she may do some +good in that way; but her natural aptitude is in another direction. If +she ever succeeds in so disciplining her intellect that she has just +views of life, she will have it in her power to exert a wide influence. +If she could, for instance, convince her imperious father and brothers +that there was something to be said on the side of their striking +workmen, she would indirectly do the poor more good than she could ever +do directly. Perhaps she could convince them. One reason that her father +is so eager to grind men down is because her mother is frivolous and +extravagant. + +I call to mind a girl who has been studying art abroad for some years. +She has talent enough to earn her living by her work, if that were +necessary. As it is not, she has chosen to do a fine thing. She has made +copies of many of the great paintings of the world, and she has given +these to the quiet boarding-school where she was educated. The copies +are good enough to be a factor in the education of the girls who have +not yet seen the originals. She has also used her skill and taste in +selecting almost a thousand unmounted photographs from the great masters +for the same school. These she has arranged herself, mounting them and +writing out plainly on each card the name of the picture with that of +the artist and a few words referring to the time and place of the +painting. As arranged, these photographs form an illustrated history of +art. + +Another girl perhaps chooses to study languages. When this leads to the +foreign literatures, it is one of the highest intellectual occupations +possible. But there are ways of making languages outwardly available. I +remember a friend at a custom-house who successively helped three +steerage passengers out of unknown troubles by speaking French, German, +and Italian with them, and interpreting to the officers, one of whom at +last turned with a laugh, saying, "I wonder if there are not any Chinese +about. This lady would be sure to help them." + +Translation, as everybody knows, does not pay. A few very famous books +are brought out by the half dozen leading translators, and all others +must either lie unread or be translated by those who do not need any +money for their work. Yet there are books which ought to be translated, +though they will not pay. And how rare it is to translate well! Even +rarer than to write English well. If a woman is aware that she has grace +in expressing herself, and a delicate perception of the meaning of +words, and the power to comprehend the thought of a writer, then can she +do better with time and money than to perfect her knowledge of a +language so that she can make a good translation of some fine book which +would otherwise be neglected? If she should also have some poetic gift, +she might even translate poems which ought to be known. Probably no poem +was ever poetically translated for money. + + +There is another occupation for rich women more exclusively womanly--the +care of children. I remember a rich mother who did this work well. She +had a nurse, indeed, to relieve her of some of the drudgery, though she +did not shrink from this, too, when it was needed; but the greater part +of the day was passed with her children. She knew what words they heard +and what actions they saw. She identified herself thoroughly with them. +I will not say that she knew all their thoughts, but I think she knew +all they were willing to express to any one. She entered into their +games and taught them to play. But though she was so much with them she +did not let them feel that she had no other uses for her time. She read +or wrote or sewed at one end of the long nursery, while they played at +the other. She tried to develop their independence, and she trusted them +little by little, more and more, as she saw they had strength to take +care of themselves. She studied their characters, and gave much thought +to the way to correct their faults. Sometimes a single word of reproof +or command was the result of hours of thought, but they could not know +that. At last they seemed to be thoroughly self-governing. They did the +right thing instinctively, whether she was there to see them or not. If +they were in doubt they came of their own accord to ask her advice, not +requiring her command. + +By degrees she separated herself from them for most of the day simply to +teach them self-reliance, not because she was tired of her task. The +hours of separation were still given to them. She thought of them and +studied for them, and planned ways of making herself most charming to +them when they were together again. In the end they were free strong men +and women, able to stand alone, and yet enthusiastically attached to +their mother, so that every pleasure was the dearer if she shared it. + +If a woman has no children of her own, it often happens that she may do +this good work for her little brothers and sisters, or for her nieces +and nephews. Or, if there is no one among her kindred who needs her +care, there are always the orphan children. + +If a woman of wealth and leisure adopts a child the experiment usually +fails. I have often wondered why, and I think I can see the reason. A +rich and cultivated woman who has also the large heart which leads her +to take a child belongs to the very highest development of the race. +The destitute waif is often from the dregs of the people. The distance +between them is too wide for sympathy. She trains this child as she +would train her own, and the child feels oppressed. Its faults are so +different from those of her own childhood, that she is overwhelmed by +them and quite at a loss how to meet them. And yet, it would be a pity +for her to repress the generous wish to help a child. I think such a +woman may sometimes find the child of educated parents, perhaps from +among her own circle of friends whom she can naturally help; and if she +will take two children instead of one, her task will be lightened for +they will help each other. + +But if she finds it best to adopt one of the lowest class, she may still +succeed by remembering several things. 1. It is too much to expect to +train such a child to be a real companion, though in some rare cases +this may follow. Her main effort should be to awaken and guide the moral +nature, and to do this she must learn to look at the child from another +standpoint than her own prejudices. 2. She must give the child an +abundance of simple physical pleasures, and, if possible, companions of +about its own intellectual grade. 3. She must enter heartily into all +the child does, and endeavor to understand the workings of its mind. + +Many young women who would hesitate to take the whole responsibility of +one child may find useful and pleasant employment for themselves by +teaching a class of children of the poor. They can teach them to sew or +to read, they can provide simple pleasures for them, and supplement the +work of the public schools in a hundred ways necessary in cases where +there is no adequate home life. + +There is another great work to be done by rich women--that of giving a +higher tone to society. I knew a delicate woman who went to live in a +large and rapidly growing Western city. On account of her wealth and +connections all the leading people in the place called upon her at once, +and her house became a centre of society. She used her good taste in +making her home really beautiful--not showy or fashionable. Then she +opened it freely to congenial friends. Some of her visitors were society +people, but many were not. There were thoughtful teachers, clever young +collegians who had gone West to seek a fortune and had found drudgery +awaiting them instead, half a dozen unknown musicians and artists, and a +few educated Germans and Swedes whom fate had stranded far from home. +These people were welcome every day and at all hours. For this lady, who +had intellectual tastes, had been forced by the weakness of her eyes to +get her education from people rather than from books. So a perpetual +_salon_ was a pleasant thing to her. All who were invited to her home +had some moral or intellectual gift which made their company desirable, +not only to the hostess but to the other guests. The rich and poor met +together there, but not the cultivated rich and the uncultivated poor, +or the uncultivated rich and the cultivated poor. Consequently, the +conversation was real. A young professor would come in with the +"Atlantic Monthly," begging leave to read an article to her, and the +reading would begin without any superfluous remarks about the weather. +Others would come in, but the reading would go on and the discussion it +suggested. An artist would bring a new picture, and the conversation +would turn in a new direction. A musician would sing an air, and a quiet +German would be led to speak of his life in the Fatherland. + +But with all her leisure, my friend found it a burden to keep up the +round of merely formal calls required of her. She did not wish to hurt +the feelings of any one, so she persevered for a while. She set apart +one day in a fortnight for a reception day. (You may be sure none of her +bright and interesting friends came then.) And once a fortnight she took +her card-case in hand and drove rapidly about the city, returning calls. +But she seldom called formally on anybody who had once been asked to her +_salon_. These were the people, she said to herself, who could +_understand_. + +Her delicate health excused her from giving parties. Coffee and cakes +were always at hand for refreshment, and any caller was welcomed to +lunch or dinner if he happened to be at the house when the bell rang. +The dinners were always good, but no change was made for a visitor. She +always refused to go to parties or receptions, which she thought +insufferable except when there was dancing. But she could not escape the +burden of party calls. The difficulty in carrying out her plans was that +there was no definite line between her sheep and goats. There were some +with whom she had to be both formal and informal, and she knew it could +not be right for her to drop totally everybody whom she did not fancy. +Many other women had felt the same burdens too heavy to be borne, but +had seen no escape. She suggested a club-house for ladies in some +central part of the city which they all often passed in shopping. It +should be a comfortable resting-place, with restaurant, reading-room, +etc. It should always be open, but one afternoon in the week should be +considered a special reception day. That would give ladies a chance to +see each other with very little trouble. When a stranger came into town, +if it was thought she would be a congenial acquaintance, two members +were to call upon her and invite her to the club, and see that she was +properly introduced. Then she was considered one of their number, and +was free from the bondage of calls ever after. There were many other +regulations emancipating the members from the tyranny of unsocial +society. Of course many ladies objected to all this. Their idea of +society was the conventional one, and they continued to live on that +basis. Most of them were welcomed at the club, but its members did not +call upon them, or go to their parties, or give them parties in return, +always excepting parties with an object like music and dancing. Parties +had given place to informal gatherings like my friend's _salon_, where +something real could be said. + +Now in an old city such a change could not be brought about so quickly. +It could only be made by a large number of leaders of society joining to +make it. No stranger nor young person could do much except to make her +own part of any conversation as worthy as possible. But the mothers can +lead the daughters, and the daughters, starting from a higher point, can +go on in the same way. + +These are some of the many unproductive occupations in which rich women +may use their time well, without finding it necessary to compete with +their poorer sisters in earning money. + + + + +VII. + +CULTURE. + + +"Culture comes from the constant choice of the best within our reach. It +belongs to character more than to acquirements, though a person of +culture usually has certain acquirements, for these are generally within +the reach of all those who earnestly wish for the best things." + +A woman, for instance, may be a cultivated musician, and have a weak +character in some directions; but just so far as her music is of high +quality she must have chosen the best. She must have been patient and +energetic, and she must have been willing to practice fine music. I knew +a girl so brilliant that she was able to play a Beethoven sonata almost +at sight when she had studied music less than a year. But she did not +care for Beethoven. She preferred Offenbach, and she never became a +cultivated musician. + +But though girls are apt to think of culture as something distinct from +character, they do after all acknowledge its moral side, for beautiful +manners are its first test. I see every day a young girl who seems to +have no special gift. Her delicate health has prevented her from +studying much, so although the wealth and position of her family have +made it possible for her to have the best teachers all her life, her +education is not far advanced. With all her piano lessons she will +stumble over the simplest march if any one is listening to her; she +replies to her French teacher in monosyllables; she has read few books: +and as for her arithmetic, children in the primary schools could put her +to shame. Nevertheless, she would everywhere be recognized at once as a +cultivated young lady. The simplicity, gentleness, and sweetness of her +manners, her truthfulness, modesty, and dignity count for far more than +French or music or literature even with those who lay most stress on +accomplishments. Such manners as hers are rare, and yet they are likely +to be found running through whole families. Her mother and her sister, +both of whom are cleverer than she, have almost equally fine manners, +though they miss the last touch of grace. Such manners come from the +choice of generation after generation. One woman after another has +chosen to be sincere, good-tempered, kind, and noble. The women who so +choose also choose the best in other ways. They read good books instead +of bad ones, they prefer a beautiful picture to a showy one, and +Beethoven to Offenbach. You may say that a girl of such a family cannot +help being cultivated: culture is inborn. So it is, because generation +after generation has chosen aright. Her own positive contribution to +the family is that last touch of grace. I think that comes from the fact +that she could not succeed in other directions as her mother and sister +did. The best within _her_ reach was in the direction of manners, though +I think she did not decide that consciously. It was the determination to +meet mortification with heroism, to turn aside from feelings of envy and +wounded vanity, which added the last exquisite charm to her manners. + +That such manners are often found among people of some wealth may, I +think, be accounted for by choice. Though many poor people are not at +all responsible for their poverty, yet when generation after generation +choose the best things, including the best husbands and wives, some of +the sources of poverty are removed, and although such families are +seldom very rich, they are often in comfortable circumstances, and as +they use money as well as other things in the best way, and do not live +for show, they are really richer than others with the same means. + +I think, on the whole, good breeding is found oftenest in families where +the fathers have been professional men for generations. A line of +ministers where each has chosen to do the highest work he knew, careless +of money, or a line of physicians where each has chosen to help his +fellow-men, leads down to a beautiful blossoming time. + +But no class monopolizes fine manners. Sometimes they seem to belong +entirely to the woman herself, and no trace of them can be found in an +earlier generation. She chooses alone, and she accomplishes all that has +been accomplished for others by cultivated ancestors. + +Truthfulness is essential to culture, which, without it, will be only a +veneer. I have had an opportunity to know well a large class of girls +selected from the most highly cultivated families in one of our cities. +Comparing them with other sets of less highly cultivated girls, I think, +on the whole, the standard of truth is higher among the first, though it +has never been my misfortune to find a low standard among girls. +Unhappily, however, these girls have been so encouraged to shirk +mathematics that they have little power to think justly and accurately +on many questions. Mathematics may be called narrow, but no one can have +sound intellectual culture without these mental gymnastics. + +I believe, too, that science must have a larger place in the education +of girls if they are to be able to look at things in a broad way, and if +I am right in calling culture the result of choice, the fairness of +judgment which comes from broad views is more essential to it than any +special accomplishment. + +A specialist is seldom really cultivated, just because he is a +specialist. Darwin when young was an enthusiast in music and poetry. But +after a life given exclusively to science, he was amazed to find that +Shakespeare was tedious to him. His services to the world were so great, +and the spirit in which he worked was so noble, that we can hardly +regret his course; but he said himself that if he could begin life again +he would read some poetry and hear some music every day, so that he +might not lose the power of appreciating these things. Goethe, who +stands at the opposite extreme, as the "many-sided," adds that one must +see something beautiful every day. + +Women are seldom specialists however. Their danger is superficiality +through trying to do too many things. How can we be broad without being +superficial? I have elsewhere said that I believe the school education +should include the rudiments of many branches, and that these rudiments +should be so thoroughly mastered that the girl should be able to go on +with any study by herself. I think the education should be continued +along several lines, if possible. These will differ with different +women; but whatever they are, it is essential that a balance should be +kept between beauty and truth. Music, art, or poetry on the one hand, +and science or history on the other, seem to me to give what is most +needed. In Elizabeth Shepherd's books the formula _Tonkunst und +Arznei_--music and medicine--is often quoted, and so we should get the +proper balance. I do not think that an ardent girl who loves music art, +and poetry, and who hates history and science and mathematics, will ever +quite do herself justice if she carries on all three of her favorite +studies and ignores the others, even though her favorites are most +essential to culture. I think, however, that though mathematics cannot +be spared from the foundation of an education, it yields less culture on +the whole to students who have no taste for it than any other study, so +I do not advocate carrying it far, but history or some science would be +a good counterpoise for a mind given to the study of beauty alone. + +A friend says we must all be one-sided, so that perhaps our best chance +is to have one hobby at a time and ride that to death, and then try +another, becoming at last two, three, or four-sided, though never +completely rounded. If that be the case, it seems to me a good thing to +choose some of our hobbies at least from among the subjects for which we +have most taste and talent. Now where the opportunities for culture have +been great, it often happens that girls grow discouraged. They see how +far away they are from perfection, and they conclude they are good for +nothing. Do not yield to such morbid feelings. Make your own estimate of +yourself, without regard to your wishes. You do in your heart know what +you can do well if you are willing to work. + +Make your estimate silently. It will probably be too high, but you will +work in the right line. Then let half your work be in the direction in +which you think you may make your life outwardly effective; for +instance, if you are a Darwin let it be in the line of natural science. +Let the other half of your work be constantly varied. Suppose you have +chosen history as the study for a life-time, take as a companion study +something new every year,--first a science, then art, then literature, +then mathematics, then a language, etc., etc. For the fruit of culture +is to be and not to do; and what we are, intellectually at least, +depends even more on the breadth of knowledge which helps us to balance +conflicting judgments than on special knowledge which gives us accurate +judgment in details. Even in the moral world, are not the finest +characters those in whom many virtues are balanced rather than those in +which one virtue is distorted by being allowed exclusive sway? It is a +great thing to be generous, but not to be wasteful; it is great to be +gentle, but not to be weak. + +The philosophers tell us, however, that all things move in an ascending +spiral. We do in order to be. What we are bears unconscious fruit in +what we do. A woman who is cultivated in the true sense exerts a +constant influence for good. One rich woman says, "I will not live to +myself," and gives clothing to ragged children. Another rich woman says +the same thing, and studies history and poetry and comes silently to +just conclusions about the relative value of clothes and thought. She +cannot be unjust to her smartly dressed maid, and her daily life lifts +her maid into a new moral atmosphere; or her gently expressed judgments +on all things are so unswervingly on the side of truth and love that her +father and brother become ashamed of their little tricks in business or +politics which they had once thought trifles. True culture does always +react on life. + +And yet in one direction culture seems to weaken the moral fibre. The +kind of courage which leads to quick heroic action in great emergencies +is apt to be lost by the habit of balancing arguments for and against +action. The gentleness which comes from quiet study often makes one +incapable of decision when severity is necessary. I was shocked not long +ago by hearing a group of sweet, high-bred girls discussing the scene in +"William Tell" where the wife of the hero tries to prevent him from +going out with his bow and arrow while Gessler is in the neighborhood. +With one accord the girls thought Tell should have yielded to his wife's +wish. It is true she was right in regard to the danger, but Tell's +carelessness about it was so clearly the result of his high-minded +freedom from suspicion that it seemed as though every heart should beat +quicker at his nobleness. These girls have moral courage. I dare say +some of them would die at the stake rather than tell a lie. But it would +take a sharply defined test like that to rouse them. Too much thought +has made it difficult for them to take any risk through unconsciousness +of danger. They could not act freely and spontaneously, and they could +not even admire such action in others. + +How shall we train our girls so that they may have just judgments and +yet not make them so introspective that the bloom shall be brushed off +the beauty of every action? Perhaps Emerson's suggestion, that every +young person should be encouraged to do what he is afraid to do, would +meet the case. + + +In a city like Boston there is a great temptation to undertake too many +lines of study at once. There are free lectures every day in the week +from men who have mastered their subjects, and it seems as if one might +lie still and drink in all knowledge without effort. There are lectures +in private parlors for those who are too delicate to go to a public +hall--elementary lectures, and advanced lectures and readings. But no +one ever became cultivated by going to lectures. If a girl would choose +a single course and study the subject between times by herself, then she +would really be the better for the instruction. I think the difficulty +of choice among many good things in the city is the reason that so many +earnest girls have dissipated minds. A woman in the city must be +constantly on her guard against this peculiar temptation. + +Perhaps at this point it will do no harm to insert a few commonplace +rules for study. + +Do not try to study too many things at once. + +Try to do all your work thoroughly, even if you do not get beyond the +rudiments in anything. + +Do not be in a hurry. + +It is said that eagerness to finish things shows weakness. It certainly +leads to shallowness, "Without haste, without rest" was Goethe's motto. +I have heard of a woman who began to study botany at ninety. That shows +a mind so trained and cultivated that the soil could not be exhausted +with age. How good it was that she was still fresh enough to respond to +new thoughts! She might have learned as much botany in a course of +lectures when she was twenty, and have listened to a dozen other courses +at the same time, without half the delight and inspiration she had at +ninety; that is, receiving so many new ideas at once at twenty might +have made her mind more jaded than the gradual, steady unfolding of many +more ideas during a lifetime. + +I know a lady of forty-five who within the last month has taken her +first piano lesson. She did not even know the meaning of the letters, +and yet she has already made wonderful progress. She will probably never +become a great player, though her fingers are unusually supple and she +has some musical ability. But even if she does not, a new world of +thought and beauty is opening to her. + +I have just heard of another lady of seventy who went abroad for the +sake of learning the French language. + +It is a great mistake to think that all we are to learn must be begun +before we are thirty lest we may not have a chance to make a practical +use of it. Culture is within and not without. + + +I hope that I shall have as many readers in the country as in the city, +and country people are not distracted with opportunities for culture. +Indeed, they often think they have none. I will tell you the stories of +three cultivated country women. + +One lived on a farm a mile from the post-office, and there was not much +money for her to spend. There were half a dozen cultivated families in +the village including that of the minister, and among them were to be +found most of the books which make the best literature. She knew how to +use both these friends and these books, and at twenty she was better +read than her Boston cousins. As she did not see her friends often, she +was more careful to make every call tell, and her visitors said it was +delightful to go to see her, she had such fresh things to say to them +and such interesting questions to ask. She studied botany by herself and +became expert. She learned mathematics so well in the public school that +when she began to think she would like to see something of the world +outside her corner, she was able to get good places to teach. First, +she went to a seaside village and there she learned a thousand new +things. Then she spent a few years at the West, varying her route in +going and coming till she had seen a large part of her own country. By +this time she had saved enough money to go abroad and study quietly for +a year. Now, she had her French and German, and she saw pictures and +heard music and visited cathedrals and discovered how other people +lived. But by and by her sisters died, and she was needed at home. Of +course she was a great acquisition in the village, and she had many +sources of enjoyment in pursuing the studies she had begun. But she +wanted new thoughts too. She invited a friend to spend a month with her, +and when she found that her friend had made a study of chemistry she +sent for a few dollars' worth of chemicals and set up a satisfactory +laboratory in the barn. Naturally she made the acquaintance of every +desirable person who visited the village, and moreover her Boston +relatives were always eager to have her for a guest, as she was +interested in all their favorite pursuits in an entirely original way. + +Another girl lived in one little town till she was thirty, and then +married a man of culture whose home was in the city. His sisters said +she was a beauty and had good taste in dress; and they thought these +things had captivated their brother. But first they had to own that she +was a woman of fine character, good-tempered, dignified, truthful and +modest, for these virtues flourish in the country quite as often as in +the city. But still, they knew that she had had no education, and they +expected no intellectual companionship. Then it proved that she had read +more thoughtfully than they had. They belonged to a dozen literary +societies, but the one little village Shakespeare Club had done good +work. The sisters always went to the theatre every week in the winter, +but the bride who could count on her fingers the plays she had heard, +had selected these so carefully that her taste was already well formed. +Then she proved to be musical. Small as the village was, there had been +one young lady in it who had had the best musical advantages. Our +heroine had not let this opportunity slip. She had not heard many +concerts, but she had practiced the best music. She had studied Latin, +of course, in the village high school, and French with a French lady who +spent her summers in the neighborhood. She had treated herself every +year to five dollars' worth of Soule's photographs, and she had studied +these so carefully that she really knew something of the great artists. + +Then she had traveled! She had begun to teach in her own village when +she was eighteen, and every summer she had spent a little of her salary +in some interesting trip. As a teacher, she had taken advantage of +excursion rates to the great National Teachers' Institutes. In this way +she had visited most sections of the United States. And she had planned +her trips so thoughtfully that she had been alive to everything which +was to be seen. Once she had even taken the accumulations of several +years and spent her summer abroad. The sisters looked scornful at this. +How could anybody see anything worth seeing with an excursion party? Yet +they had to own that what we see depends on the eyes we have as much as +on our surroundings. She could not see everything in three months, but +she knew what she wanted to see, and she had thoroughly assimilated that +by much thought about it before and after the journey. + +She had once spent six weeks at a summer school of languages, and had +devoted herself so energetically to German that she had been able to go +on reading it by herself, and thus in a few years she had become +familiar with some of the masterpieces of its literature. But the +sisters were most astonished when they found her reading Italian one +day--Dante, too, which was too hard for them. The explanation of this +was that for some years the Catholic priest in her native village had +been a good-natured Tuscan who had been glad to exchange Italian for +English with her. + +You see, she had had no regular education and no money but what she +earned, yet by choosing the best within reach at all times she had +become as cultivated as her sisters-in-law who had had every +opportunity. + +All women are not so fond of study; but they may be cultivated, +nevertheless. The finest manners I have ever seen belong to a woman who +has lived all her life in the house where she was born in a little town +in New England. She never went away to school, and has not the student +temperament, though she is gifted in every direction. She has a love of +beauty which has led her to make everything beautiful around her. She +has had little musical training, yet her playing and singing have always +had the indefinable musical quality. She has read a good deal, +especially of the best novels and poetry, but "All for love and nothing +for reward." She has traveled from time to time a little when she could +spare the money, but always for pleasure and not to improve her mind. + +She has had no artistic training, but with meagre materials she arranges +tableaux which are famed throughout the county, and on every public +occasion in the village she decorates the Town Hall exquisitely. She has +added wonderfully to the happiness of the place by always following her +love of beauty, making everything she touches beautiful without any +pretense or even any consciousness of having a mission. + +So women may be cultivated in the country as well as in the city. But +some one may say that the hard workers have no time for culture. It +does seem to be true that hard workers need to use more sagacity than +others not to let their work crowd out everything else. They have one +advantage. Nobody can be really cultivated without learning some one +thing thoroughly. This their work compels workers to do. And the +building is more important than its decoration, though without the +decoration it may be a sombre structure. + +Now, hard workers obviously cannot study French and German and Italian +and music and art, at least all at once, and if they try and so crowd +out all their little leisure, they miss the better culture which is +within their reach. What must you who are hard workers take time to do? + +1. Take a little time to think. Especially try to judge fairly in +every-day matters. Culture, demands balance of mind; but is not that as +good when it comes from thought as from study? If the subject in hand is +one of which you do not know enough to judge, study it, if you have +time. If not, suspend your judgment. That will show true culture. For +instance, do not be a violent partisan either for or against the tariff +unless you have carefully examined the arguments on both sides. Few +perhaps have time to do that. You will still have an opinion. The few +arguments you have studied all point in one direction. The people you +trust most believe in one measure. Very well, keep your opinion. If you +were a voter you might even vote in the way you believe to be best; but +do not allow yourself to be violent or to denounce everybody whose +judgment differs from yours. + +2. Try to be enough at leisure to observe little courtesies. Hard +workers are in danger of being irritable and hurried and careless of the +trifles which add so much to the beauty and dignity of life. Of course +my injunction includes some social life. We get much of our best +intellectual as well as moral life from contact with others. + +3. Keep open every avenue to beauty. You have no time to study, but read +a few beautiful and noble sentences every day. You have no time to +practice music; then it is doubly necessary to hear all you can and the +best that you can. And you can always look at beauty. There is always a +strip of blue sky with its stars at night. And there are few who could +not see a beautiful sunset almost every day in the year if they made it +a happy duty to look at it. I have often thought that any one who would +persist in seeing this one vision every day would be lifted up above +most of the turmoil of life. + + + + +VIII. + +THE ESSENTIALS OF A LADY. + + +Within the last twenty-five years the wish to be considered a lady has +spread so among all classes of American women as to have become almost +ridiculous, as in the authentic case of the individual who presented +herself at the front door of a fine house, and describing herself as an +ash-_lady_, inquired for the _woman_ of the house. It has been so often +repeated that: "The rank is but the guinea's stamp," and that "A man's a +man for a' that," that all the ash-ladies and wash-ladies of the land +have hastily concluded that the term "lady" stands for nothing +substantial. + +I will not say that a washer-woman may not be a lady. It is certainly +possible for her to have all the essentials of a lady. But such a case +is so rare that I think we are justified in taking the contrary for +granted till we have proof of the fact. Not there are washer-women so +truthful, unselfish, and noble in character that they are far superior +as women to many whom we may fairly call ladies. Such women usually have +self-respect enough to understand that they lose rather than gain +dignity in claiming to be anything they are not. The essential point in +life is not the being considered a lady. It is not even to be a lady, +though that is a beautiful thing. A woman is like a vigorous plant, with +strong roots firmly fixed in the soil and abundant fresh green leaves. A +lady is such a plant crowned by a beautiful blossom. You have sometimes +seen a plant, a geranium, for instance, which had lost all its leaves, +and yet bore at the top of its crooked stem a cluster of flowers. Such +flowers are not very beautiful. The thrifty plant without a blossom is +more beautiful. Of course my moral is this, that while the term "lady" +does mean something different from "woman," it is only as a crown of +womanhood that it is really significant. + +Every girl should try to be a lady, however, and every girl who +sincerely tries will have some measure of success. I remember when I was +a girl, I once said to a high-bred woman, "Do you think, after all, that +Mrs. A. is much of a lady?" She replied so firmly as to crush me for the +time, "One is either a lady or she is not a lady." I supposed she was +right, and that there were no stages on the perilous upward path which +led to being a lady. I have changed my mind now. I think each of us may +have some virtues without having all the virtues. I think with Emerson +that in a society of gentlemen and ladies we shall find no complete +gentleman and no complete lady; and so I say that every girl who tries +to be a lady will have some measure of success. I do not mean that she +should try to be recognized as a lady. If she is one she will probably, +but not certainly, be so recognized. In a small community, where she can +be known personally, she will be sure of her place, but not in a large +town. + +Oliver Wendell Holmes, speaking in England, said something to this +effect: "You think we have no classes in America because we have no +titles to distinguish them. But a barbed wire fence is as effectual in +keeping out intruders as one of boards, though you can see the boards +and the barbed wire is invisible." + +Why is a barbed wire fence put up in America? Because there is a real +difference between coarse people and refined people, even when both have +the best intentions. To be sure there are other less valid reasons. +There are coarse people whom accident has put among the higher classes, +who make themselves ridiculous by putting up a fence between themselves +and poorer people even when the poor are refined. Nevertheless, there is +a true basis for distinction of classes. Only the distinction is not as +sharp as many would have it. The highly refined and the very coarse have +so little in common that they can never associate with comfort. But the +highly refined do not need barbed wire between themselves and those with +one degree less of cultivation. We can always reach one hand to those +below us, and if we reach the other to those above us, we shall be able +to lift the lower to our plane instead of sinking to theirs. Such a +chain of love, reaching from the lowest to the highest, is the ideal +society, and the highest man does not need to lift all his fellows up by +his unaided strength, because there is infinite help above him. + +But in the unideal present most of us will sometimes be called upon to +stand outside the charmed circle of barbed wire which incloses more +fortunate mortals, in spite of all we can do for ourselves. We may be +better women than those within the circle, we may be better-educated, +more careful in our habits, and our manners may be finer, and yet we may +not have the magic word which would admit us. There is no doubt, for +instance, that blood and breeding do tell powerfully in refinement. I +can think of half a dozen women, however, of no birth at all in the +ordinary sense, and of no home education, who have blossomed into the +loveliest and most refined of women. In one case, the ancestors had for +generations been earnestly religious, so that the girl was really of +noble birth and predestined to refinement, though she had nothing to +help her in the world's estimation. But some of the girls came from +wretched homes, some of them did not even have good mothers, and one was +the illegitimate daughter of a servant girl. But they all had aspiration +and intellect, and their refinement was not only wonderful under the +circumstances, but wonderful under any circumstances. They were suitable +associates for the most exclusive ladies in our cities so far as genuine +refinement goes, only as their experience of life was much wider than +that of these carefully guarded dames, perhaps they would not have +assimilated very well with them after all. + +Of course, the exclusive circles are suspicious of women whose +antecedents are like these, and perhaps they have a right to be +suspicious, because these girls were certainly exceptions to the rule. +At all events, none of us can help ourselves by grasping at a position. +We may, to be sure, get invitations sometimes if we are vulgar enough to +ask for them, but we shall find the barbed wire fence even in the +drawing-room to which we have been admitted. We must be content to stand +outside every circle till we are invited to enter it, and our +self-respect must heal our wounded pride. + +One thing, however, we can do. We can quietly resist being patronized. +We are not often called upon to accept favors from those who are not our +superiors but who condescend to us because we are poor or obscure. It is +true we must be humble, and we need not resent such favors, but we must +beware of being flattered by the notice of any one who is simply rich or +powerful. When we recognize true superiority either in the rich or the +poor, we ought to be glad to acknowledge it. We can accept a favor from +those who are really above us, though we know we cannot return it. And +we can always be ready to do our best work for others whether they +slight us or not. That does not show a mean but a noble spirit. + + +What are the essentials of a lady? + +A knowledge of the manners of the world is generally considered +necessary if one would be a lady. Even where customs themselves are +trivial, ignorance of them makes a woman awkward and self-conscious, so +that she does not have the grace we associate with a perfect lady. +Etiquette is superficial, it is true, but it has a genuine value. The +manners which belong instinctively to a woman of kindness and refinement +are a far better test of her real rank. + +I think, on the whole, a lady is most quickly recognized by her purity. +Even a pure enunciation is a sign of a lady, for it gives a certain +beauty of speech rarely heard except among those not only carefully +educated, but brought up among those who have the same habits. And +nobody is quite willing to pronounce any one a lady who is not +exquisitely neat in her personal habits. These, to be sure, are only an +outward and visible sign, but they point clearly to something within. +Somebody is sure to remember a class of New England housekeepers who +spend all their time scrubbing floors and have no spirit left for +anything else, and ask if they have the visible stamp of a lady. The +idea of neatness is so distorted in them that we cannot admire it very +much, yet perhaps it is their one connecting link with refinement. Such +women, however, are, curiously enough, seldom particularly neat in their +personal habits. Their dress is often untidy, their hair uncombed, they +are careless about bathing, and their teeth are neglected. Personal +neatness is far more characteristic of a lady than neatness of +surroundings, and cleanliness is better than order. The lover of +"Shirley" says, "I have often seen her with a torn sleeve, but the arm +beneath it was white." + +Somebody else will say that neatness is, after all, a luxury beyond the +means of poor people. How can you be clean when you do dirty work? It +takes either time or money. I know a wealthy lady who used to be poor, +who says that for years she could never afford as much washing as she +thought indispensable, and she was too much of an invalid to do her own +washing. Nevertheless, she was always a lady and always looked like one, +though her dresses were sometimes absurdly old-fashioned. I should say +that her love of neatness was so strong that she sacrificed less +important things to it, and always did reach a high standard, though not +the standard of luxury. + +I know a gentleman whose lot has been to do the heaviest and dirtiest +work on a ranch for years, and yet his hands to the tips of his +fingernails look as if he had just come from a manicure's. I suppose he +has been determined that his hands should be clean and has been willing +to take the trouble to keep them so. Still, we ought to make some +allowance for poverty in our estimate of neatness. "Why are you building +an addition to your house?" asked one lady of another. "Oh, for Mr. B.'s +tooth-brushes," replied Mrs. B, carelessly. "When a man has been brought +up as Mr. B. has been, his tooth-brushes take up a great deal of room." + +I have said all this of outward purity, because it is easier to speak of +this, but it is still more the purity of mind and character which +distinguishes a lady. In some classes of society even in America girls +are kept almost isolated chiefly to preserve their purity of thought. +Purity, even the purity of ignorance, is beautiful, but such purity has +not deep foundations, and I cannot think that girls are best guarded in +this way. Nevertheless, purity is so essential to a lady that such girls +will always be counted as ladies. + +The love of beauty is characteristic of a real lady. This is recognized +in some measure. Girls are taught dancing and music and something of +art. They listen to good music even if they are not musicians, and they +look at good pictures if they cannot paint them. This is partly a matter +of fashion, but it has a genuine root. And so with the beauty of dress, +and of the home. Both these ought to be beautiful, but as few women are +artistic enough to design anything, they follow the fashion. In this way +they escape criticism from their companions who are like them. But the +moment ugly dress or furniture is out of fashion its ugliness is +apparent. I suppose most of us must be content to be tyrannized over +more or less by fashion, or by fashion and poverty combined, till we +develop greater genius in working out the problem of how to make our +surroundings beautiful. I would simply suggest that we should resist +fashions we know to be hideous, and try to follow those which commend +themselves to our sense of beauty. + +The two forms of beauty which are free to all of us are, I think, most +neglected, and more neglected among those who are surest of their title +as ladies than among those of more modest pretensions. These are poetry +and nature. To read beautiful poems constantly and to learn them by +heart, and to look out day by day on the glory of the world--these +things give higher refinement than can be won by anything else merely +intellectual. And such a love of beauty usually has deep springs in the +moral nature. + +Education has so much to do with refinement that we expect a lady to be +educated as a matter of course, at least in some directions, mathematics +and science being thus far not included. George Eliot says of Nancy in +"Silas Marner," that she often used ungrammatical language, and was not +highly educated, but that she was a thorough lady because she had +delicate personal habits and high rectitude. + +This brings us to the deep foundations. A lady must be truthful. And the +outward marks of truthfulness are sometimes recognized when their source +is misunderstood. The lady wears real lace instead of a showy imitation. +If she cannot afford what is real, she goes without. She is as careful +about neat underclothing as neat dress. She does not pretend to +accomplishments she has not. Indeed, the modesty essential to a lady is +intimately connected with truthfulness. When she is wrong she does not +think it beneath her dignity to own it. She never allows blame which +belongs to her to fall on any one else. She makes no display. She wishes +to be loved for herself and not because she belongs to the "best set," +so she does not take pains to introduce the names of great acquaintances +into her conversation. And of course she always tells the truth. She may +observe all these things simply because it is good form, but a truthful +woman will observe them without knowing they are good form, and she will +be the real lady. + +But one may have all the qualities we have enumerated and yet miss the +charm we associate with the name "lady." A truthful person may not be +kind. A woman may love beauty and still be hard. A perfectly pure woman +may be unfeeling, perhaps all the more because she needs no charity +herself. But a woman who does not show consideration for others cannot +be an ideal lady. If she is considerate in a mechanical way, because she +knows a lady must be so, it does not amount to much. And some women do +all they can for others from a sense of duty. They study to make others +happy in even trivial ways. They are good women, and on the +whole--ladies. But the woman whose love for others is spontaneous, who +sheds the radiance of kindness about her because she cannot help it--she +is the lovely lady whose charm we all feel. Truth and love are the +eternal foundations of the character of a real lady. + + + + +IX + +THE PROBLEM OF CHARITY. + + +I suppose every large-hearted girl wishes to do some work which will add +to the happiness of others, and most girls would like to do a little, at +least, outside of their own immediate circle. It seems to me that the +most beautiful charity is always that which is done within one's own +circle. There is the personal giving, the real denial of ourselves for +others, the doing of the duties which come to us rather than of those we +have fancifully chosen. And these duties are done for love. + +Do you remember how Mrs. Pardiggle in "Bleak House" tried to interest +Esther and Ada in some great schemes for doing good by wholesale, and +how Esther modestly answered that they hardly felt equal to such great +things, but that they hoped if they were careful to do all they could +for those immediately about them their circle would gradually widen? +This is the ideal way to do good. You help your neighbor simply without +any pretense or self-consciousness. She helps her neighbor, and so on. +There need be no break in the chain from lowest to highest. Mrs. Whitney +has taught beautiful lessons of this kind in her stories, emphasizing +the theory of "nexts." I have often thought this was the only kind of +charity which did not injure the giver; for the moment we try to help +those perceptibly below us we are apt to be condescending and to feel a +secret pride. Probably this inward satisfaction accounts for the +readiness of many people to undertake forms of missionary work, though +they are by no means thoughtful of those around them. There has often +been bitter criticism of foreign missions to the heathen on this ground. +Part of it is, no doubt, just. But as bitter criticism might be made of +much noble work at home, like that of the Associated Charities, for +instance. + +In Boston, it is said, there is not one woman of any standing in society +who is not interested in some charity. Most of their work is probably +genuine. It is done from a sincere wish to do the best thing--very +likely in many cases simply to ease the importunate New England +conscience, yet also, no doubt, with the hope of relieving suffering. +But we can hardly hope that much of it is ideal since the true charity +is "Not what we give but what we share." + +The women who are readiest to give their money and even their time to +the desperately poor do not like to share their pew in church with some +quiet person whom they consider below them in the social scale. Some one +tells of a woman who spent all her time in going about among the poor +giving practical help, but who really cared so little about those she +helped that every day on her return from her rounds she amused the +family by satirizing her pensioners. She could not love them, perhaps, +and it may still have been an excellent thing for her to help them. +Nevertheless, this was not the ideal charity. + +There are a great many girls who would like to do some definite +charitable work. They would like to be the founders of a great charity. +They are ambitious, and their ambition is, on the whole, a noble one. +Some of them are so sweet and generous to everybody about them that I +really think they might be trusted to do something on a large scale. One +of them might even oversee an orphan asylum; yet I do not think she +could be such a blessing to little children as is a woman I know who is +the matron of such an institution, for this woman had an unsympathetic +step-mother, and she learned through a lonely childhood how to pity +motherless children, and I heard a thoughtful woman say of her orphan +asylum, "It was a shabby place, but beautiful to me because there was +such a motherly atmosphere about it." + +Others of these girls are too intolerant of everybody outside their own +particular set to be allowed to do any work for the poor except to give +money, and even then there is danger they may be so lifted up by a sense +of their own goodness that perhaps it would be better for them +personally to spend the money extravagantly, for then they would +certainly be ashamed of themselves. Nevertheless, the poor need their +money, so perhaps it is better they should give it. + +This brings me to another point. In the country it is still possible to +keep to the ideal neighborly charity, but in the city there are quarters +where the misery is wholesale, and wholesale scientific methods must be +applied to relieve it. The Associated Charities in Boston, for instance, +do a kind of work which must be done unless we are willing to sit down +and let all the innocent suffer with the guilty. And many of the leaders +have the ideal spirit, and they hold up ideal standards for the visitors +of the poor, that is, they ask us to visit the poor with love in our +hearts. The work to be done in cities is so enormous that every woman of +leisure who feels the desire to help should certainly be encouraged to +do so, and I am even inclined to think that where so well-organized a +system exists as in the Associated Charities, it is a saving of energy +for her to put herself under its direction though not so wholly as to +allow her no means or leisure for her personal sphere of action to +expand naturally. + +As long as we try to do the nearest duties there will always be failure +enough to keep us humble and to make it safe for us spiritually to +undertake something beyond. A girl tries to help her brothers, and +instead of admiring her for it they frankly tell her how far she fulls +short. But if she does a tithe as much for the poor she is likely to get +some thanks, more or less sincere, and all her circle of friends admire +her. This pleasant encouragement does her no harm as long as she has the +antidote of the family criticism, so I would let every ardent woman have +some outside work, and the Associated Charities will find room for every +worker. Some women can help children by teaching them and amusing them, +and this is the most efficient kind of work, for it prevents crime and +misery. Some can sew for the poor, some can cook, some can manage +tenement houses as Octavia Hill has done. + +To give what we call practical help we must be practical ourselves. I +think if the busy housekeepers who do their own work have time to visit +the poor, their suggestions are of infinitely more value than any given +by rich ladies who are making a business of charity; but such women have +little time, so the rich must humbly try to take their place. + +I know a charming girl whose mother does not allow her to go into the +kitchen. She found great difficulty at school in learning the weights +and measures, and at last her teacher asked her if she had ever seen a +quart measure, to which she replied doubtfully that she was not quite +sure. A few years hence she is certain to be what is called a "friendly +visitor." I have no question about her friendliness, and the poor will +bless her sweet face, especially when she gives them money freely, as +she can easily do, but I should not expect her to be able to give them +very useful advice about spending money--which they need still more. It +must not be supposed, however, that I scorn the kind of work she can do. +There is something better to be done for the poor than to teach them +economy--even a wise economy--it is to rouse their higher nature. I +should think that no one could be an hour with this young girl without +having some aspiration to be noble. + +A beautiful and graceful woman has a unique work to do for the poor. It +is on the same principle that the Princess of Wales can give pleasure by +simply distributing the flowers in a hospital with her own hands. It is +possible for beauty to condescend without wounding. A woman who is not +outwardly attractive must do a different kind of work. The first brings +a poetic element into a dreary life, and may even in this way arouse the +aspiration for an unattainable ideal. But a plain and awkward woman may +be the inspiration of a still higher ideal by the radiance of her +goodness. + +When girls ask me, as they often do, _what_ they shall do for others, I +find it impossible to answer. Their talents and their opportunities must +decide the particular form of work. But its real value will depend +entirely on what they are. I can only say that there is so much work to +be done that each must do all she can; that she must choose the thing +she can do best and persevere with that quietly, not trying to do many +kinds of work at once; that all she does must be done with love; and +that above all things she must not forget that her own circle of family +and friends shows plainly the centre from which God wishes her to begin +to work. + +To the women who live in the country the circle widens naturally and +beautifully. If a neighbor is ill, one sends in delicacies to the +invalid, another offers to take care of the children, and a third acts +as watcher. When a drunkard reduces his family to destitution, one +neighbor sends a breakfast to them, another flannel for the baby, +another finds work for the oldest girl, and another pays the boys a +trifle for bringing wood and water. The cases of actual destitution are +so few that they can all be met in this way unless the sufferers are too +proud to let their wants be known; and even then there is sure to be +some real friend who goes to see them naturally without any thought of +being a friendly visitor, and thus comes to the rescue. + +Charity in the country is the natural flower of a loving heart. If a +woman has a beautiful home in the country, it stands for a refining +influence for the whole village, for she usually opens it to those of +her neighbors who can appreciate it, since in the country there are not +too many people, and those of like tastes meet without regard to +differences of fortune. + +A woman in the country who has even a collection of photographs of +beautiful pictures can easily make them a real blessing to many who have +no other avenue open to art. And so with books. One owns a copy of +Plato, another of Dante, another of Goethe, and these books circulate +freely among all who care to read them. They are better than a public +library where the books must be hurried back at a given date. They are +sometimes even better than large private libraries where the number of +books is distracting. + +I know a young lady who is the only highly educated musician in a little +country village. She sings in the choir and makes the church service a +new thing. She good-naturedly steps in and trains the children in their +choruses for festival occasions. She has invited half a dozen young +fellows to form a glee club and sing one evening a week in her parlor. +They all have musical talent, and they are capable of appreciating her +attractive manners, but they had not before thought of any better way of +spending their evenings than in screaming about the streets. If a poor +girl has a good voice, this young lady finds time to teach her to sing. +I do not think it ever entered her mind that she was doing charitable +work. The work was directly in her pathway. She could do it, and having +a large, loving heart, she has done it. But there is no one in the +village who has done so much to raise the tone of life there. + +So the improvement of a country town goes on exactly in proportion to +the loving-kindness of the people and their willingness to share +whatever material and mental treasures they may have. Perhaps the same +is true in the city; but the number of treasures to be shared, as well +as the number of people to share them, is so bewildering that it is next +to impossible to bring form out of the chaos without employing +scientific middlemen, and the fascination about helping others almost +vanishes. + +Nevertheless, let us cling to the doctrine that + + + "'T is love, 't is love, 't is love that makes the world go round," + + +and even in the city we may all have hope. + + + + +X. + +THE ESSENTIALS OF A HOME. + + +Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred +therewith. + +That is, it is the family which makes the home, and this is even truer +of the mother and her daughters than of the father and his sons. +Sometimes even one sunshiny spirit in a house transforms it, and where +all the family are in harmony there cannot fail to be a home in the best +sense. + +But there are virtues and virtues. "I admire Miss Strong, indeed I love +her," I heard a lady say not long ago, "but I can't imagine her making a +beautiful home under any circumstances." Yet Miss Strong is gentle, +sweet-tempered, thoroughly unselfish and high-minded, quiet and +unobtrusive, neat and well-bred. Then what is wanting in Miss Strong? + +"I think it will be best for Jenny to teach," wrote another lady in +regard to a young girl in whom she was deeply interested, and whose +gifts and graces she had been cataloguing at great length. "At least, +what else is there for a woman to do who is thoroughly feminine but not +at all domestic?" + +We think of unselfishness as the first need of a woman who is to be the +presiding genius of a home; but both Miss Strong and Jenny are +conspicuously unselfish. + +It seems that though a fine character, and particularly a loving one, +must be the foundation of the home, yet certain special qualities are +necessary. Among the thousands who have read "Robert Elsmere" does any +one feel that Catherine, with all her earnestness and deep love of +others, made her girlhood's home a pleasant place? She was ready to give +up a home of her own, thinking her mother and sisters needed her, and +yet her sister Rose, at least, was secretly longing to be free from the +constant influence of such severe moral standards. In short, Catherine +did not make her home comfortable. + +Comfort, I think, enters into every idea of a home. We wish to be +unrestrained there. That, however, is a different thing from being +lawless. There must be moral restraints, even for the sake of the +comfort itself. Otherwise, the freedom of one interferes with the +freedom of another, and finally the reaction tells in the discomfort of +all. + +Physical comfort is necessary in a home. Some of the best women do not +understand this. They are disgusted with the sarcasm that "The road to a +man's heart is through his dinner." That would be disgusting if it were +the whole truth. But we must all eat every day of our lives, and +appetizing food prettily served adds much to the comfort of the day. +Indeed, without it only a boor or a saint can be really comfortable. + +Women who are good cooks are sometimes ill-tempered and refuse to +exercise their art. But discomfort in the matter of dinner usually comes +from a different kind of housekeeper. There are some women who think it +is a weakness to care about food. Their rule is, "Eat what is set before +you, asking no questions," a sufficiently good rule for those who are +dining, but a miserable one for the housekeeper to force upon others. +There are still other women who have a definite opinion as to diet. They +have studied food from a hygienic point of view, and they watch the +effect of every mouthful. Such a study ought to be useful, but in point +of fact it is a frequent source of discomfort. Nothing ever digests well +when our mind is concentrated on our digestion. One difficulty may be +this. The women who have turned their attention to this subject have +often done so because they were invalids. They find certain food +injurious to them and decide it is injurious to everybody. So a whole +healthy household is restricted to the invalid's bill of fare. The +housekeeper is so certain she is doing her duty, that she easily steels +her heart against the murmurs of her family, and the discomfort +continues. A thoroughly healthy woman, however, will provide all the +better for her family if she understands the effect of different +articles of diet. + +To be comfortable, a house should be warm enough. Of course, I do not +mean that we need to breathe the superheated atmosphere which foreigners +criticise in most American houses. It is the mother of the family who +must correct this. She can easily do so, because she has it entirely in +her power to form the habits of her children in this particular, and it +is rarely the case that a man likes an overheated room until he has been +trained by his more sensitive wife to bear it. + +But I mean that nothing physical takes from the comfort of a home so +much as chilliness. So long as we are warm enough we may relish a very +frugal dinner, but a feast is unappetizing in a cold room. Indeed, I +believe we may economize in anything better than in fuel. It gives a +great sense of comfort in going into a house to find it warm all +through. Many people, however, cannot afford such luxury. But if you can +only have one fire in the house, see that that is always burning; and if +it must be in the kitchen in the cooking-stove, keep the stove so bright +that its black ugliness is a centre radiating cheerfulness. There are +plenty of homes in which there is no need of stint, where through +carelessness and neglect there are times when everybody in the house is +shivering, while perhaps at other times half the rooms are at a red +heat. + +I remember one of Charles Reade's heroes who was wavering between the +attractions of two women, and the novelist represents the simpler of +the two as being careful that there should always be a blazing hearth +when the lover came. This innocent device gave him a sense of comfort +which almost won his heart. It seemed to me a touch of truth. + +We cannot all afford open wood fires, though their beauty and +healthfulness make us wish we could; but most of us can keep the "clear +fire" and the "clean hearth," which Mrs. Battle wisely considered the +proper preliminaries to the "rigor of the game." + +Though we want warm homes, we do not want close ones. Most houses are +not very well ventilated, and if we keep our windows open in winter +weather, we must expect our bill for fuel to be a large one. Some of us +are too poor to disregard this fact, but most of us could probably +afford to save enough in our dress to meet what I may call this +necessary extravagance. I have seen a great many landladies who looked +so severe on seeing a window open in a room where the register was also +open, that the unhappy boarder felt at once like a culprit for even +desiring both warmth and fresh air at the same time. Once, however, I +had the good fortune to know a woman of different views. She bought a +house expressly with the intention of letting it to transient lodgers. +She found, as is common, that the furnace-heated air which passed +through the registers into the rooms came from the cellar. She +immediately made alterations, so that the fresh outside air should be +heated and carried over the house. "It costs more," she said, "but dear +me! what is expense to fresh air?" Moreover she said so much to her +lodgers about the necessity of fresh air, that all the windows in the +house were always streaming open. "I once knew a lady who died of +pneumonia from airing her room too much," said the landlady, "but that +was a beautiful death!" + +I doubt whether there is comfort under a system of ventilation which +induces pneumonia, but it certainly is luxury as well as comfort to let +in all the fresh air we want and not to stint fuel. + +Plenty of light is another essential in a home. Most city houses are +deficient in sunlight, and most of them, however richly furnished, are +accordingly depressing. Whether or not the dreams of socialists can ever +be realized we do not know, but none is more alluring than that of the +disappearance of blocks of houses. If every house could stand in the +midst of its own garden, the gain would be as great in inner comfort as +in outward beauty. + +No one can tell the amount of near-sightedness caused by the effort to +read and write in our dark city houses. Rich people ought to be +extravagant in the matter of light. Corner lots are worth buying, and it +is worth while to live on "streets with only one side." + +And when natural light fails let us have enough of the artificial. Even +the poor who cannot have electricity or gas hardly need economize here +with kerosene at its present rates. A kerosene lamp, to be sure, is not +often a beautiful or poetical object, but with the right kind of care +the vile odor may be suppressed, and though this involves an additional +burden for the housekeeper, light is too essential for the work to be +grudged. A sufficient number of _clean_ kerosene lamps will make a house +cheerful from one end to the other. Now I have often noticed that women +who are compelled to economize in little things are inclined to +economize in all things. They will strain their eyes for fifteen minutes +after it is too dark to sew, they will sit in a room dimly lighted by +one lamp when two are necessary to make it attractive, without stopping +to think that twelve or fifteen cents worth of oil would supply three +large lamps for a week! And in this way they sacrifice not only +cheerfulness, but opportunities for all the family to do easy and +comfortable work. + +Cleanliness is as essential in a home as over-neatness is destructive to +it. There is nothing homelike in any room that is in perfect order; but, +on the other hand, there is little of the home feeling in a room that is +not bright and fresh with cleanliness. Tables littered with books, +chairs and sofas strewn with gloves and ribbons, and even a floor +encumbered with a prostrate doll or two, are cheerful; a trail of +leaves and mosses from a basket of woodland treasures is endurable dirt. +But dust in the corners which shows the dirt to be chronic and not +accidental, unwashed windows, dingy mirrors, etc., etc., have no +redeeming quality. It is a good thing for the mother of the family to +love order, but there is ample scope for that in keeping every closet +and drawer and box and basket in a dainty condition. However neat a room +may be, it is odious the moment an open drawer or closet reveals +disorder. The meaning of this is that the disorder which comes from +daily happy living is delightful, and that is what we see in the large +confusion of a room when in use; but the disorder which comes from +carelessness about finding a convenient place for everything, and from +laziness about putting things in their places when we have done using +them, is not beautiful. + +For the kind of neatness which makes a home homelike we must have room +enough, but not too much room. This is rather a vague statement, I know, +but the actual measurements of a house should vary with circumstances; +for example, a large room with few people in it will always be stiff, +even if it is splendid; while a small room filled with useless +_bric-à-brac_ will be uncomfortable even with a solitary occupant. On +the subject of _bric-à-brac_ I feel strongly, and I will speak of it +more fully elsewhere. + +But I do not include pictures in the term _bric-à-brac._ There ought to +be pictures in every home for their intrinsic value. Fortunately they +take up little room and are easily kept in order. Many of us do not +agree about pictures. Most Americans who buy oil paintings advertise +their want of cultivation in their choice, and even those who rigidly +confine themselves to engravings and photographs of the old masters do +not succeed much better. I remember a man, the son of a country +minister, who knew pictures only from the literary side. He was a great +reader, and had been familiar with the names of Raphael and Da Vinci and +Dürer from childhood. He knew well what were their masterpieces, and +when he went abroad he bought hundreds of photographs of these works. +His house was full of pictures; there was not one among them which was +not a copy of something really beautiful, and not one copy which had any +beauty in itself. This man had not the sense of beauty, though he had +the moral sense which led him always to wish for the best. + +But all any of us can do is to express the best we know. The essential +quality in pictures in our own homes is that they should express the +best we ourselves have reached. Still, many pictures of high artistic +merit are wanting in the real home charm. I believe most of those which +hang on our walls and are always before our eyes should be cheerful in +character. I sympathize with the old abbess who chose to have her rooms +frescoed with Correggio's happy cherubs, and who liked to have +constantly before her, though in a convent, his goddess Diana, whose +smile some one has said is full of "resolute sweetness." + +I remember once having to pass a bitter hour of waiting in the +drawing-room of a physician well known for his high culture. Every +picture in the room was a work of art, but every one was solemn and even +severe. Dante, Savonarola, the tombs of the Medici, etc., etc., afforded +no escape from sad thoughts. The only relief was in the sweet serenity +of Emerson's face, and even in this instance the most severe of all the +portraits had been chosen. There was not one point of color in any of +the pictures, but indeed most of us cannot afford paintings that are +good for anything, so I could not quarrel with that. + +For a daily companion I would rather have a Raphael than a Michael +Angelo, and though for love I would slip in a Millet or two, I should +not want a room full of Millets. + + +The heavy furniture of a home should be comfortable first of all. The +chairs should not all be of the same size and height any more than the +people. Arm-chairs are better than rocking-chairs, as they are less in +the way. The furniture should not be light enough to be easily +overturned, but the castors should always run easily. A lounge is a +homelike piece of furniture, but let us hope it need not be much used. + +A word more to the young woman who is choosing furniture for half a +life-time. Fancy you have it to dust! You may have an army of servants, +but certain patterns of furniture can never be kept clean. I remember +two friends who chose furniture at the same time. It was the era of +black walnut and green rep, and they chose sets looking much alike. But +in one case the walnut was elaborately carved,--by machinery, which made +it all the rougher,--and there were many little grooves to invite the +dust in the upholstery; while in the other case the wood was simply +moulded and polished, and the cloth was so put on that one or two +vigorous strokes of a brush would cleanse it. It is true that heavy wood +carved by hand is beautiful enough to repay us for its care, but that +being smoothly finished does not catch very much dust. + + +The evening should be the crown of the day in a home. There are few +homes where the evenings are as homelike as they could easily be. This +is partly because there are so many outside attractions both in the city +and country. Now I am not of those who think it praiseworthy to be +always at home. I was told the other day of a steady young man who had +not been out an evening in three years. I felt no enthusiasm about him. +I think outside interests are absolutely necessary for any fresh or +large life. But I think when we find ourselves going out as many as half +our evenings, we are really dissipated, unless the circumstances are of +a very unusual character, for we need as many as three or four evenings +in a week to develop true home life. But in stay-at-home families, +though the evenings are pleasant, I think they are seldom ideal. The +reason for this is that the days are so crowded. The father and mother +are tired, and, moreover, the father has no other time to read his +unnecessarily voluminous newspaper, and the mother has no other time to +do her unnecessarily elaborate sewing, while the children generally have +lessons to study. Even then, a cosy room, with plenty of fire and light, +where all the family meet together and feel no restraint, is a cheerful +though a silent place. And we cannot all escape overwork however +valiantly we fight our battle with non-essentials. Those who work ten +hours in a factory, for example, have very little space for the other +essentials of life, and there must be crowding. But some of us could +simplify the day and so find room for unmitigated enjoyment in the +evening. Sometimes sewing is pleasant in itself when cheerful +conversation or reading is going on about us. I suppose the mother's +work-basket will usually form an attractive nucleus in any home picture, +and if there is not too much or too anxious sewing, I believe most +women like it. And a moderate newspaper need not monopolize a whole +evening. There are occasionally times when a careless child should be +made to study a lesson at night. But the ideal evening at home is +social, and its occupations are such that all can join in them. For +myself I believe very fully in reading aloud. But in any household happy +enough to consist of father, mother, and children, any book read aloud +ought to be one which has some interest for all. The father and mother +may both be intensely interested in the philosophy of Hegel, but I +should not like to think they would ask the children to be quiet that +they might read it aloud to each other. Books of travel, biography, +novels, and poetry, appeal to all but the very young members of the +family who ought to be in bed betimes. Of course the children do not +take in everything in such books, but that is not necessary. If they +only understand enough for enjoyment, it is a healthful stimulus to meet +with something they do not understand. Perhaps the father and mother +will say regretfully that they have no other time for their special +studies. In the end the light literature may do them as much good as +solid work, but even if it does not, they can better lose something +themselves in intellectual development while their brood of children is +about them than to miss the full rounding of their home life. If they +live long, they will have too many quiet hours by themselves. In many +families, however, the youngsters are more ready for solid reading than +the older people. It is often the elder sister who has to give up her +German and science to read travels and stories to her parents as well as +to the children. + +Drawing, fancy work, sewing, and whittling can all go on without +disturbing the reading, or a tired mother can lie on the lounge and +listen; but if any one must sit idle, reading may grow tedious, though +good plays in which each can take his part are generally enjoyed. I was +once in a home in Switzerland where the family spent most of the +evenings in reading Racine, Molière, and Corneille. + + +No home is complete without music. Even a large piano which has seen its +best days does not seem to be altogether a cumberer of the ground where +another equally bulky piece of furniture would be unendurable. But +unless some member of the family has decided musical ability, the best +use of a piano or organ in a home is to sustain the uncertain voices in +singing. Home singing is almost a necessity even where no one sings very +well. I should not wish to encourage the unmusical to display their +voices outside their own doors; but if half a dozen members of a family +are able to "carry a tune," and one of them can play a simple +accompaniment correctly, I think the singing of fine hymns and pleasant +ballads at home will prove most delightful to them all, besides bearing +good fruit morally and physically. A family happy enough to have a +little higher endowment, and a little more cultivation, so that one +plays a violin, one a flute, and so on, may have a little private +orchestra which may give as much enjoyment, and, all things considered, +may be as elevating, as the perfect work of great musicians. It seems to +me that any father and mother who wish the home to be dear to their +children can afford to spend money on music far better than on many +things considered more essential--clothes for, example. + +But all the family circle ought be able to join in the evening +occupations. If only one is a musician, but a small part of each evening +can be given to music. On the other hand, I have no mercy for the young +lady who has had time and money lavished on her musical education, who +will not take the trouble to play to her brothers in the evening. If she +distrusts her powers she need never play to other people who may ask her +out of compliment; but when brothers ask their sisters to play, they +mean that they want the music, and they should have it. + +Chatting is pleasant in the evening, and does not interfere with a dozen +other occupations. One can even read a newspaper or a novel while the +rest are talking. Little twilight chats by the fire when the children +confess their misdemeanors to their mother, or when the mother tells +stories to the children, are full of the spirit of home, and there +always ought to be some leisurely hours in every family when the father +and mother and the grandfather and grandmother can relate old +experiences to the younger generation. If the older people would only +remember to tell these tales for the sake of the younger and not to +gratify their own garrulity, so that they would dwell more on the events +and customs and people of the past which ought to have a permanent +interest, I believe such chat would always be of the highest value, and +that the young would like it as well as the old; but when it is mere +gossip about people long dead the young have a right to be restless. +There is always danger that chat will degenerate into gossip, so it is +not generally best to have too many evenings devoted entirely to +conversation. + +The right kind of reading and music seem to me far better occupations +for home evenings than games. There is too much hard work in chess and +whist and too little sociability to make them in any way desirable. +Euchre and backgammon seem invented to pass away time, which is so +precious to most of us that we should like to feel we had something at +the end of an hour by which our lives were richer than at the beginning. +Yet games have their place. Young-people have their times of liking +them. If they really enjoy them and play with thorough good temper, +they get true recreation from them, and all innocent enjoyment has a +moral effect as valuable as the intellectual effect of a good book. So a +mother who wishes to make a true home for her children will not grudge +whole evenings spent in games which would be unspeakably wearisome to +her if played with people of her own age; indeed, the chances are she +will thoroughly enjoy such evenings, and be as interested in capping +verses or asking twenty questions as any of the youngsters, while if she +is a worn and anxious mother, such simple pastime may be the best +refreshment. I believe there is less to be said in favor of cards than +of other games, but I often think of the words of a friend, "We are +strict people," she said, "but when the boys were growing up and began +to be wild for cards, we played regularly every evening till they were +tired of it, and I think they did not care to play elsewhere." + + +If a home is to be ideal, it must contain a father and mother and +children. A lonely man or woman who is so unfortunate as not to have +this ideal home should, I think, try to find as many of its elements as +possible. A man should not live altogether at his club, and it is a pity +for a woman to live permanently with women alone. And a home is so +incomplete without children that it seems almost necessary that every +childless man or woman should adopt one or two. Unfortunately this is +often impossible, and then it becomes the more essential to seek for a +boarding-place where we may get a little of the cheer of other people's +children and at the same time practice some of the virtues which +children always call out in older people. No home is truly homelike in +which there is not a large hospitality. I have so much to say on this +head that I must leave it for another chapter. + + +I have said little about the qualities of character which make a happy +home. Beyond a loving nature, on which all the others rest, I know of +nothing more essential than a serene temper. Let a woman be "mistress of +herself, though china fall." The daily temptations to irritation are +incessant, and irritability will destroy the comfort of any home, even +if it is well warmed and lighted and furnished with easy-chairs and +sofas, even if everybody is high minded and ready to take part in +refined pleasures, and even if room is made in the family circle for a +host of agreeable friends. + + + + +XI. + +HOSPITALITY. + + +No home is genuine which is not also hospitable. Just as we must go out +to get fresh life, we must welcome fresh life which comes in to us. And +further than that it would be a poor nature which found no one to love +outside the home circle. If we love any one we wish to share our life +with our friend. + +But it is impossible to be hospitable except by welcoming our visitors +to our every-day life. If we depart much from our usual customs, our +freedom is checked, and the visit becomes a burden, willingly borne, +perhaps, for the time, but sure to be felt if often laid upon us. + +A friend, well known in literary circles, inviting me to visit her in a +Western city through which I was to pass on my way to another State +wrote, "You must stay more than a day or two, for, if not, I shall have +to give up my time to you, and I can't interrupt my daily work! I go +into my library at nine o'clock every morning and stay till two. But in +the afternoon I drive, and when in the evening my husband comes home +from business and my children from school I give myself up to my +family." + +Upon this invitation I determined to stay a week. "You must not come +into my library in the morning unless I invite you," said my friend +laughing; "but there is another library adjoining your room where I +shall not venture to disturb you without leave!" + +I remember a home which opened very hospitable doors to me when I was a +young girl,--that of a widow with two young daughters. They were in +straitened circumstances, and could not effectively heat the large and +handsome house left by the father of the family. "I ask you to come in +the winter, my dear," the lady used to say to me, "because you live in +the country and can sleep comfortably in a cold room: I ask my city +friends to come in the summer." That, I think, showed a true spirit of +hospitality. She gave what she had to those who could enjoy it. I shall +never forget the cosy afternoons I have passed in her warm sitting-room, +while one read aloud and the rest did fancy work, or sometimes the +plainest of sewing. We read novels, some first rate, some second, or +even third rate, without a thought of getting any benefit from them. But +we chatted and laughed and enjoyed ourselves. Or sometimes some of us +would go into town to a matinée, and coming home tingling with cold +would find a hot and savory supper awaiting us in the bright +dining-room, prepared by those who had stayed at home, and who were +eager to hear everything about the play which we were eager to tell. +There was no servant to trouble us, and we all enjoyed ourselves +together in washing the dishes. We sat up as long as we pleased and +toasted our feet, and in zero weather even wrapped up a hot brick to +take to our chilly beds. + +But this lady was not without ambition. She wished she could entertain +more as other people did. She thought she ought to give some parties, +especially as she liked to go to other people's entertainments. And so, +on one occasion, she did give a party. It was a grand affair. The whole +house was set in order and decorated. Caterers came from the city, and +her tables were beautifully laid with exactly the same salads and cakes +that she was in the habit of eating at other houses. Her cards of +invitation were of the choicest style, and her house was filled with +fashionable people, since, in spite of her reduced circumstances, she +had a perfectly assured position in society, and there was also a +respectable number of unfashionable people present, for she was too +truly hospitable to leave out anybody she liked. She was a skillful +manager, and succeeded in carrying through her undertaking for half the +expense usual in such a case; but it cost her sleepless nights. Of +course, "The labor we delight in physics pain," and I am sure she +thoroughly enjoyed her grand party which everybody said was perfect in +all its appointments. Nevertheless, her bills amounted to one sixth of +the yearly income of the family, so that she never gave another party +till later in life, when fortune suddenly smiled upon her again and put +her in possession of a million. I do not condemn her party, but merely +use it to point my statement that we cannot often exercise hospitality +except as we admit our friends to our daily life. + +A friend of mine who was making a tour of the South bethought her of a +cousin in New Orleans whom she had not seen since the war. She wrote to +her, "I am going to New Orleans for a week or two and wish you might +find me a boarding-place near you, so that I could see you as well as +the sights." The Southern cousin at once replied with a cordial +invitation that the Northern cousin should visit her. The Northerner had +no idea of making a convenience of her almost unknown relative, and +declined; but the Southerner insisted that the visit would be a real +favor to herself. "That is," she added, "if you can be comfortable in +the way we live." The Northerner could hardly refuse longer, but having +certain fastidious ideas, she was rather startled on reaching New +Orleans to find that her cousin's family, in which there were eight +children, lived in a house of five rooms! She felt, in spite of her +precautions, she must be an intruder. But the husband of her cousin said +sweetly, "Where there is room in the heart, there is room in the +house," and she stayed, and had one of the most delightful experiences +of her life. + +I am afraid few Northerners judged by this standard can be said to have +"room in the heart," though I remember gratefully a minister's family in +Massachusetts who lived in a little house and with narrow means, and yet +received with bright smiles all their friends from the towns around who +chose to stay with them. A brother minister would drive over with his +whole family and stay a few days, and no one ever suggested there was +not room for everybody. All the young collegiate cousins took this home +in their way on their vacation tramps, and brought with them as many of +their classmates as chose to come, never thinking it necessary to give +any warning of their approach. I have known as many as a dozen young +cousins to be gathered in the house at one time, the boys from Yale and +Amherst, girls from New York and Philadelphia, or from quiet country +boarding-schools,--one indeed came all the way from London,--and they +enjoyed themselves as much as the visitors in an English country-house. +They did not "ride to the meet," of course, or attend a county ball; but +they went blackberrying together, and they sang songs, and played duets, +and had games of croquet, and read French, and acted Shakespeare under +the apple-trees; they climbed a mountain, and rowed on the pond, and +took long botanical expeditions. The minister's wife was herself a +delectable cook, but she must have wrinkled her brow many a time in +planning how to get enough bread and butter to go round even with the +aid of the blackberries, and some of the young fellows had to sleep on +the hay in the barn, though happily they had a natural bath-tub provided +in a stream among the bushes behind the house. + +The achievement of this hostess is the more notable because she was a +New England housekeeper, and her standard of neatness was high. If she +had attempted anything but the simplest manner of entertainment she +would certainly have had nervous prostration. But her simplicity of +living saved her, and she is still hale and hearty, though she has +passed the limit of threescore and ten. + +A friend who has lived much at the South, in speaking of the beautiful +hospitality for which Southerners are distinguished, says that it comes +partly from their easy way of taking life. They do not think it +necessary to put the house in order because guests are coming, but let +the guests take them as they find them. More than that, they are less +given to "pursuits" than Northerners, and so less easily disturbed. + +Believing, however, in the value of "pursuits," I have been interested +in observing the manner of hospitality in a family among my friends. The +family consists of the father, mother, and three grown-up daughters. +All the daughters are earning their own living, and the mother is much +occupied in household cares. It is a highly intellectual family. All are +readers and keep abreast of the literature of the day. Beyond that, one +or another of them is always studying German, or French, or history, or +mineralogy, or taking up some social reform. Two of them find time to +write acceptably for magazines. It would seem as if they could not have +much leisure to entertain friends, yet their great rambling house, which +stands in the midst of a shady old-fashioned yard and garden just +outside the city, is seldom without a guest or two, and there never was +a place where a tired soul and body could find sweeter rest. A cup and +plate at table and a bed to sleep in are provided for the visitor, and +so far there is not much trouble. The family meet at the table,--when +convenient,--and there is plenty of delightful chat. One or another is +often at leisure for a walk or a row or some other pastime, but no one +appears to feel it necessary to give up any of her ordinary occupations +for the sake of the visitor. I consider myself rather a particular +friend of three of the family, yet I have often passed a Sunday there +without seeing more than one of the three. The others had something to +do on their own account. One of them, tired with her week's work, likes +to rest all day in her own room. Another is an ardent Episcopalian, and +wishes to follow all the church services from early morning through the +evening. As there are so many agreeable people in the family one is not +often obliged to be alone, but when left alone the sense of home comfort +is only increased. There are plenty of lounges and easy-chairs; the +large, comfortable tables are strewn with all the latest magazines; the +bookcases are full of readable books, and the young ladies all have +their individual collections of Soule's photographs, which are well +worth lounging over. The fires are always bright within, and the long +windows opening everywhere on piazzas and balconies command extensive +and beautiful views. The rooms are sweet with flowers in winter, and the +gardens are fragrant in summer. One can lounge and read all day, or take +a walk, or do a dozen other things. The cheerful, interesting +conversation at table, and in the odds and ends of time through the day, +would be sufficient stimulus to all but the most exacting guests; while, +as a matter of fact, there are always a few hours in the evening when +everybody seems to be at leisure, and these form the social centre of +the day. For my part I would much rather be entertained in this way than +to have my footsteps dogged all day by some well-meaning and +self-sacrificing devotee who tries conscientiously to amuse me. + +One of the most hospitable homes I ever knew was made by two young +ladies in Boston. One of them was a country girl of genius and +refinement who came to the city to do literary work. Here she formed a +friendship with another young lady who liked to pass most of the time in +Boston for the sake of its advantages in music, art, and the theatre. +Neither was rich, but together they had a very respectable income. They +found a nice little flat of six convenient rooms in an accessible and +pleasant but unfashionable street, and furnished it with exactly the +things they wanted to use every day. The furnishings were thus simple, +but they combined comfort and beauty, for both the young ladies had +excellent taste. I am tempted to describe all their original and +charming arrangements, only that would lead me too far. I will only +speak of their hospitality which was perfect. They gave no parties nor +even afternoon teas. How could they without a servant? Indeed, though +they had the luxury of getting their own breakfast in their sitting-room +at any hour of the day when they liked to eat it, they were too much in +the habit of eating their dinner at any restaurant near which they might +happen to be when they were hungry to have inaugurated any extensive +housekeeping. Moreover, they could see their city friends whenever they +chose for an hour or two at a time without the trouble of providing a +feast or a band of music. They always had bread and butter and fruit and +various appetizing knickknacks stored away, so that if a caller stayed +till any one was hungry a sufficient lunch could be served on the spot. + +But they exercised their hospitality chiefly for the benefit of their +country friends whom they could not otherwise see. Many a nice old lady +or bright young girl passed a week with them, who would otherwise have +hurried through her season's shopping in a day and have had no time left +for music or pictures. Most of these friends could amuse themselves very +well through the day. If they did not know the way about, one of the +hostesses conducted them to the libraries or museums as she went her own +way to her daily occupation. There was always bread and cheese for them +to eat if they chose, and if they cared for something more they could +find it at a restaurant as their entertainers did, or they could cook it +for themselves in the hospitable little kitchen. A folding bed could +always be let down for them at night, and in times of stress another bed +could be made on the sofa. + +The hostesses spent little money or thought or time on their guests, +except so far as they really wanted to do so, and yet they entertained +great numbers of people most satisfactorily. They did not ask anybody to +visit them from a sense of duty, but they always asked everybody they +fancied they should like to see without a thought as to convenience, +because it always was convenient to have anybody they liked with them. +We know that men enjoy giving invitations in this free way, but they +seldom have the power--for two reasons; either their wives are not +satisfied to entertain the friends of their husbands in simple every-day +fashion, or the husbands themselves are not satisfied to have them so +entertained. + +Every one knows the great difference between city and country +hospitality. Very few people in the city appear to be really pleased to +see an uninvited guest, and they are far less likely to invite guests, +except perhaps when giving a party, than those of the same means in the +country. They are not altogether to blame in this. There are so many +more people to see in the city than in the country that every one +becomes a new burden, and the friendship must be very close indeed that +survives such a strain. But I fear it is also true that in the city the +non-essentials of life have undue weight. + + + + +XII. + +BRIC-À-BRAC. + + +Our lives are clogged with _bric-à-brac_. Every separate article in a +room may be pretty in itself, and yet the room may be hideous through +overcrowding with objects which have no meaning. + +The disease of _bric-à-brac_ I think, is due to two influences,--the +desire of uncreative minds to create beauty, and the mania for giving +Christmas presents. Both these influences have a noble source, and will +probably reach more beautiful results at last. Any mind awake to beauty +must try to create it, and if its power and originality are not very +great, what can it do better than to apply itself to humble, every-day +trifles and try to decorate them? This is certainly right, if the old +principle of architecture is always remembered: "Decorate construction, +do not construct decoration." A few illustrations of my meaning may be +needed. + +I am obliged to use blotting-paper when I write. I have always been +grateful to a friend who sent me a beautiful blue blotting book, with a +bunch of white clover charmingly painted on the first page. It gives me +pleasure every time I write a letter. I am glad that one of my friends +was artistic enough to embroider some fine handkerchiefs for me with a +beautiful initial. One of my dearest possessions is the lining for a +bureau drawer made of pale blue silk, with scented wadding tied in with +knots of narrow white ribbon. This lies in the bottom of the drawer, and +owing to the kindness of my friends shown at various times, I am able to +lay upon the top of each pile of underclothing either a handkerchief +case or a scent bag of blue silk or satin. Some of these trifles are +corded with heavy silk, some are embroidered with rosebuds, some are +ornamented with bows of ribbon, and altogether they make the drawer a +"thing of beauty" which to me personally "is a joy forever," and they +are never in anybody's way. + +My friend has been less fortunate in the tributes of affection she has +received. She has several elaborate and even pretty ties which she is +obliged to append to her sofas and easy-chairs. They are believed to add +to the harmony of coloring in her sitting-room, but they are very likely +to be askew when the sofas and easy-chairs are in use; and as they +always have to be rearranged during the process of dusting, they form an +argument for delaying that duty as long as possible. She also has +several head-rests and foot-rests, in which the embroidery is exquisite +in itself, but which are so ill-contrived that they afford no rest to +either head or foot. "They are worth having, though," she says, +"because of their beauty, just as a picture is worth having though you +cannot use it." "Yes," replies her husband, "they are worth having, but +not worth having in the way. I do not want even the Sistine Madonna +propped up in my easy-chair." Most of her friends are learning to paint, +and many of them have chosen to give her at Christmas specimens of their +progress mounted on pasteboard easels. These cover the tables and +mantels and brackets of her sitting-room. "Ah!" she says softly, under +her breath, "if they had only thought to paint book-marks instead One +can never have enough book-marks. It would be delightful to have one in +every book in the library, and the more beautiful the better, while the +ugly ones, which perhaps come from our dearest friends, would be blessed +for their usefulness besides being unobtrusive." + +Sweet temper is certainly essential to a happy home; but if my friend +were not too sweet tempered to hide these offerings from constant sight, +her sitting-room would not be so exasperating a place. There is no room +for a work-basket or a book on the tables. One is continually upsetting +some frail structure, or tumbling over some well-meant æsthetic +convenience. + +Christmas presents are worse than any others. Even a hideous and useless +gift offered at any other season may be acceptable, and we need not +grudge it room, because being spontaneous, it represents love. But even +the most genuine Christmas presents are becoming subject to the +suspicion that they are given from a sense of duty, because gifts at +that season have become a habit. I have no reason to suppose that any of +my numerous kind friends grudge the Christmas presents they so +generously give me; but I often find myself wondering how many of them +would think of giving me anything as often as once a year if there were +no special date to recall the custom to their minds. + +Gifts would be far more likely to be spontaneous if they were never +given regularly; if, for instance, we avoided giving anything next +Christmas to anybody whom we had remembered this year--excepting always +to little children, to servants, and to the poor--the three classes to +whom we never venture to give _bric-à-brac_, knowing well they would +laugh us to scorn instead of flattering us by calling our contributions +"perfectly lovely." Now, when a gift is spontaneous, its value is quite +irrespective of its use, but at the same time it is far more likely to +be both beautiful and useful. We read a book that moves us. How we wish +we could share it with one friend who particularly enjoys such a book! +We send it to her, and it is exactly the thing she wants. On the other +hand, Christmas is approaching. What shall we give our friend? She likes +books. Well, then, here is a prettily bound volume which is well spoken +of. We have no time to look farther, and we send it to her. She thanks +us in a pretty note, but is too busy in writing a hundred notes of +thanks to read the book then. It is laid by and perhaps forgotten. + +We are making another friend an informal visit. We see that her +needle-book is getting shabby. We hasten to get bits of kid and silk and +flannel, and make her a new one with our daintiest stitches, and she is +delighted. She uses it every day, and likes to remember that we thought +of her comfort. But what shall we give her for Christmas? We think she +has everything. We have too many friends to remember now, for time for +such a dainty piece of sewing. Let us buy her some kind of an ornament. +It is true that the French clock and the vases and the match receivers +and two or three pictures on easels already crowd the mantel-piece, but +there is an odd little bronze image which would not be amiss among them. +It costs rather more than we can afford to pay, but we love her, and +wish to give her something, and are at our wits' end to know what. She +receives it graciously, and every time she dusts her ornaments she +remembers us affectionately. "I don't grudge dusting this," she says +sweetly to herself, "for my dear friend gave it to me, and I would do a +great deal more than this for her." Of course, in a family where a +servant dusts, the present is forgotten the moment it is placed on the +shelf. + +I remember the dearest of little girls who once made me a Christmas +present of a purse of her own embroidering. The colors she chose were +brilliant, but hardly beautiful; the material rather flimsy, the sewing +was far beyond criticism, and if I had ever been rash enough to intrust +any money to such a purse, I should have returned home penniless. But I +was enchanted with the gift. I shall keep it as long as I live wrapped +in the crumpled tissue paper in which this darling child folded it in +her wish to make it look as attractive as possible. I can never even +think of this gift without fancying the tiny unskillful fingers as they +toilsomely labored over those silks that would catch and twist, and I +think of the sweet brow and eyes which bent over the work, and am as +sure as if I had seen it of the loving smile which hovered about the +childish lips at the thought that she was going to give me a pleasant +surprise. + +But as this little maiden grew up the cares of Christmas multiplied. +There came a time when she had money to spend, and a host of friends to +spend it upon, and when she certainly had not time personally to conduct +the making of the number of Christmas presents she thought necessary to +bestow. She was much too loyal to leave me out on this occasion, and if +I were to judge of the degree of her affection by the proportion of her +money which she spent upon me, she must have regarded me still as one +of her dearest friends. She gave me a pair of exquisite cut glass vases, +which, when placed in the sunshine, were certainly most beautiful with +the flashing of colors. Their outline too was a lovely curve, but +unfortunately such that it was impossible to put any flowers in the +vases. At the base they were too slender to receive even one rose-stalk, +while they were so broad at the top that it would have required a whole +nosegay to fill them. If I had had a vast empty drawing-room which was +to be filled with _bric-à-brac_, I could have found a place for them; +but they were too delicate for my tiny parlor where there is so little +elbow-room that slight things are in danger of being overturned. Of +course I prize the vases and love the giver, but I know she never would +have given them to me but for the feeling that the time had come to make +a present; and so, while I shall cherish the little purse as long as I +live, I have resolved that if the vases are ever broken, I will not +treasure the fragments. + +From these two roots, the love of creating beauty and the desire to +express love for our friends on the same day of every year, such +luxuriant vines have grown that unless we prune them carefully we are in +danger of being completely entangled by them. There are still, perhaps, +some waste places which our useless _bric-à-brac_ might make beautiful, +and if we know any bare homes, let us by all means do something to +brighten them; but let us not make for ourselves or give to our friends +any small article which does not express use as well as beauty. We need +not be at a loss if we remember Oscar Wilde's declaration that every +article used in a house should be something which had given pleasure to +the maker, that is, that it should be artistic. When all useful +_bric-à-brac_ has become beautiful, we shall no longer desire to make or +possess beautiful _bric-à-brac_ which is not useful. Of course I know +that "Beauty is its own excuse for being," and I see in a fine picture, +for instance, an appeal to the higher faculties which is more useful +than usefulness. This I do not see in _bric-à-brac_, certainly not if +the objects are to be so crowded in a small room that no one can see +anything more than prettiness in them. Instead of my beautiful vases +with their shifting lights, which do, after all, give me real pleasure +sometimes when I am not too anxious lest I should break them, cut glass +tumblers would have given me the same æsthetic enjoyment renewed at +every meal. I might break a tumbler to be sure, but I should have the +full enjoyment of it while it lasted. + + + + +XIII. + +EMOTIONAL WOMEN. + + +A highly emotional young lady was once defending the reasoning powers of +her sex at the dinner-table of a cultivated and fair-minded physician +who finally took occasion to say sweetly to her: "No doubt the reason of +women equals that of men; but I believe the trouble is that all men like +a woman a little better if she is governed by feeling rather than by +reason." + +"Oh," said the young lady in a glow, "that is like saying that you would +a little rather a woman would not be truthful!" + +"I hope not," said the physician. + +The friend who told me the anecdote added that of the two young ladies +who were at the time members of the physician's family, there was no +question that he greatly preferred the one who was most reasonable and +least emotional! + +Some one else tells me of a clever young lady who applied for a position +as dramatic critic upon a newspaper. The editor recognized her ability +and her knowledge of the drama, but he said he was afraid to employ a +woman in such a department, lest her feelings should prevent her +telling the exact truth. She would be biased herself, and praise the +things she liked, and then she would have her personal favorites among +the actors. The young lady who believed herself capable of justice was +greatly hurt. + +Are women really excessively emotional? And if so, is it well that they +should be? + +I suppose most people would agree that women are more emotional than +men, and that this peculiarity comes in a great measure from their +delicate physical organization, and in a great measure from the +encouragement they get from men in indulging their feelings. Nobody +admires a woman when her emotions reach the point of hysteria, and, in +fact, those who have encouraged her up to that point are often least +patient with her when the crisis comes. The general belief about +hysteria is that it is caused by the culpable weakness of a selfish +nature, and that is often true. But there are important exceptional +cases becoming more and more numerous, where the parents have cultivated +what they and their friends consider fine feelings so assiduously that +the poor child is born helplessly weak and nervous, and a prey to every +vibration in the spiritual atmosphere about her. + +Now what are _fine_ feelings? Jealousy, envy, hatred, and others of that +class are not fine, and yet they are extremely common among those women +who are sensitive and highly organized. They do belong more frequently +than we sometimes think to the outfit of an emotional woman. A woman who +would not hurt a fly has violent antipathies to excellent people. She +would not hurt them either. She would delight in giving them food and +clothing if they were in want. She wishes she need not hurt their +feelings, but she usually does give pain, because her own feelings are +paramount. The important point however is that she is unjust in her +judgments. She exaggerates the faults of her foes, as well as the +virtues of her friends, and widens every breach. + +But we all know that jealousy and envy and hatred are wrong, even if we +endeavor to dignify them with finer names, and all of us who have any +moral purpose do make our stand against them. + +When, therefore, we speak in praise of a woman's emotional nature, we +are thinking of a nature in which generosity swallows up justice, and +duty is forgotten, because "love is an unerring law." We cannot be too +generous, or too loving, or too sensitive to beauty and honor. + +But men are as generous and loving as women, so, after all, we do have +something a little different from this in our minds when we speak of the +emotional nature of women. Do we not mean that a woman is unreasonable? + +Love can never be too great, but it is often unwise. All affectionate +women who have reached middle age must have received many confidences +from girls who have been mistaken in supposing themselves loved by men +who have grown tired of them. A girl often suffers intensely in such a +case, and it is hard to know how much is due to wounded love, and how +much to wounded pride. I suppose most of us have been astonished to see +how often when a girl's life seems both to herself and her friends to +have been utterly wrecked she is capable of responding to a new lover, +and if he proves to be a fine man, how full and fine her own life +becomes. This is right, and most natural to the most emotional natures, +that is, to those which answer most readily to outside influences. Yet +we all have a feeling that sudden and frequent changes of this kind show +a shallow character, and girls sometimes make a pathetic struggle to +resist new possibilities of happiness, because they cannot bear to admit +that the old love can die. + +The weakness of character in this case comes from the being ready to +love any one who will make us the central figure without regard to any +more solid foundation. Such love comes from vanity and is good for +nothing. A girl cannot be too careful to guard against such an emotion. + +And then, why should a woman cease to love a man simply because she is +disappointed to find that he does not love her? Many times the fault is +her own. She has believed he loved her because she wished to believe +so. But if she has loved him because he was worth being loved, she has a +right to cherish that love even when she knows it is hopeless, provided +she does not hurt other people. I think it is happily not often that an +altogether hopeless love continues long in full vigor, but occasionally +it does. If the old lover marries, the woman who cannot conquer her love +certainly ought to separate herself as far from him as possible. Any +fine theory of being able to be a silent providence in his life is sure +to prove fallacious, and to bring suffering to somebody. And it is not +best for her to say much to her own friends of her sorrow. She either +pains them or tires them. Any love which causes her to do this is +unreasonable. I suspect that some women find their love slipping away +from them and try to hold it fast by the expedient of talking about it. +No love that has to be held in that way is worth keeping. There are +loves we should cherish just as there are others which we ought to cast +out, but nothing is real which cannot be retained except by making +ourselves a burden to other people. + +Another unreasonable love is that which a woman feels for a man who has +really treated her dishonorably. It is true that we do not love simply +for merit. There are sympathies between men and women as between parents +and children with which merit has little to do. One great reason that +emotional women attract men is because they can make a hero out of such +unheroic stuff. And why should we try always to see the exact reality as +if that were nearer the truth than the same reality transfigured by +ideal light? The more we believe in others, the better and happier we +all are. A man full of faults, selfish, and even vicious, may be helped +by a woman who trusts him. But when he has forsaken her, it is not often +that she can be of much real service to him. She must indeed forgive +him, but when she has genuinely forgiven him, the glamour of love will +usually have disappeared. If she insists upon shutting herself up from +other love for his sake, she should question herself as to the part +sentimentality and perversity bear in her character. + +Most of the best work done in the world is done in the face of what seem +to be insurmountable difficulties. Our faith moves mountains. An +impossible duty is done. The fact that women ignore the impossibility is +their strongest power. This, I suppose, is what the physician meant when +he said that men liked a woman a little better if she was not always +governed by reason. "Love believeth all things, hopeth all things, +endureth all things." We all like to have such love as that lavished +upon us. It is a noble love which glorifies the object by keeping in +view all the time the ideal which is to be some day realized. It is +something very different from the weak love which distorts the object +simply because of its personal connection with us. But no doubt women +who are weakly emotional in this way do have a great attraction for men, +that is, so long as the man himself is an object of their emotions. Such +women are pretty sure to have lovers when better and more unselfish +women are overlooked. They do not wear very well, and men tire of them, +especially when they exercise their emotions in new fields; and as wives +(after marriage) and sisters and mothers they prefer the quieter and +less impassioned women. But the great and ardent loves which influence a +life still belong to the women of ardent feelings. + +Ardent feelings well controlled,--that is our ideal; but how few women +of strong feelings do control them well, and how few who have perfect +self-control have very strong feelings! + +Which shall we choose, the strong feelings or the self-control? We have +not complete choice in the matter, for we must begin with the +temperament we are born with. Others may choose to love or hate us for +the temperament we are not responsible for, but what can we do for +ourselves? + +I believe the hardest task is that of the cool-blooded women. How are +they to make themselves feel without becoming hypocrites? Pretending to +feel any emotion is no help in feeling it. Nevertheless, we are not +entirely helpless. There are ways of nourishing noble germs of feeling +even when the natural soil is cold and dry. + +One way is to clear the ground of weeds. A cool nature is sometimes +peculiarly prone to envy and suspicion. A woman with little love of her +fellow-creatures sits alone in her home day after day, and thinks of her +own troubles and the shortcomings of her neighbors till it seems +impossible to love anybody but herself. Such emotions as stir the dull +current of her life are all selfish. But if she has the one saving +virtue of being able to perceive her narrowness, the remedy is in her +own hands. For she can go out and speak to somebody, and even a passing +greeting sometimes sets the blood flowing afresh. And there is always +somebody she can help, though, it may be only a child who is in some +trifling difficulty. Every act of this kind makes another easier, and +every such act nourishes the little germ of love in the heart. I have no +doubt that persistence in doing small kindnesses for every one about her +would be potent enough to transform the coldest of us into a woman +glowing with love. Yet I cannot say I have ever seen such a +transformation. I suppose that is because the cold nature does not +perceive its coldness or desire to change. Still there are surely some +of us who know that love in us is only a stunted plant, and who do +sincerely desire its more luxuriant growth. Those of us who have ardent +feelings towards our friends know that we are often worse than cold +towards those we do not fancy. We sometimes, alas, take a certain pride +in our sensitiveness in this particular. We justify our hatred for +uncongenial people till we have fairly faced the truth that love is the +law of our being, and that we _must_ love our neighbor. Then, though we +cannot change our temperament, yet by the doing of prosaic duties, the +germ of love may be made to bud and blossom. At least do not let us +allow the turmoil of every-day affairs to crowd out love. We have not +time to see our friend. A letter written to us with love and care is +hastily skimmed and thrown aside. We do not answer it for many weeks, +and then our haste is our apology for saying nothing we really care for. +And by and by the love grows faint. Perhaps our friend dies, and the +package of affectionate letters we once saved as precious lies forgotten +in a drawer. Our friend did not fail us, we should love her just as +dearly again if we were with her daily, but the love has been crowded +out. + +Now, some of us are really overtasked with necessary work; but usually +our hurry comes from our ambition or our indolence. If love were really +first with us, we should find time for our friends. + +But some of us are so placed that we are continually meeting new people +whom we can warmly love. Now there is a limit to the number of people +who can form a part of our daily life. It is possible to love a hundred +people dearly, but it is not possible to talk intimately with a hundred +people every day, or to write a hundred affectionate letters every week. +But because we cannot cling closely to so many, let us not believe that +we cannot cling closely to a few. Let us at least hold fast to a few +friends, and without trying to form a part of the lives of the rest meet +them all warmly when we do meet. We cannot love too much or too many +people, and loving one helps us to love another, but we can only fully +give ourselves to a few. + + +I seem to be speaking altogether of nourishing emotion, and we ought to +nourish noble emotions. But the task set especially to women is to +control less noble emotions. We know well enough what is our duty in +regard to jealousy, envy, and so forth, though so many of us who mean to +be good women do not make a very heroic struggle even here, and perhaps +justify our weakness by the plea that our feelings are strong. + +I will therefore speak particularly of some of our failings which lean +to virtue's side. What is it, for instance, to be a sensitive woman? The +highest women are exquisitely sensitive, they respond to beauty, to +love, to truth, and goodness instantly. But suppose they also tremble at +ugliness, and shrink from pain? The two kinds of sensitiveness do often +exist together. The perfect woman would follow the example of Christ +and look through outward ugliness and suffering to inward beauty and +goodness, and would keep herself unspotted from the world not by +shrinking from it, but by helping it upward. + +But as we are imperfect, our sensitiveness shows itself most frequently +in making us feel every jar to our pride and vanity. And we make a +virtue of this. We ought to guard ourselves against such sensitiveness. +It is a fault which lies very deep. It is almost impossible for a _very_ +sensitive woman to be just. In fancying wrong to herself she imputes +wrong to everybody about her. In trying to shield herself she wounds +others. She fears a slight was intended, and rather than submit to it, +deliberately hurts some one who she knows may be innocent. Would it not +be better to believe that the person who has hurt her is innocent, and +submit to the slight even if it was intended? What harm can it do her to +think a guilty person innocent? And what harm can a slight do her? But +it always does harm to stoop to an ignoble feeling. + +Let us at least be just. But the special accusation against women is +that they are not just, and sometimes their special virtue is believed +to be a romantic generosity which shuts out justice. Women are prone to +be so generous to one person as to be unjust to another. They are strong +partisans, and are determined to believe those they love always in the +right. That seems like an amiable failing; but is it? Do we wish even +our enemy to be wronged to save our friend? I think every high-minded +woman would choose to be just, even if she must make her friend suffer; +but it is very hard to live by that standard. + +Most men who write novels describe women as ready to forgive the man who +has forsaken them for another woman, but as implacable towards the rival +however innocent she may be. There is too much truth in such a picture, +but the best women know that good women are not so unjust. That Dorothea +in her anguish at finding Will Ladislaw singing with Rosamund Lydgate +should do her utmost to help Rosamund take a better stand is of course +unusual, but it is not unnatural. That was a splendid kind of generosity +which did indeed swallow up justice, but it was founded on justice, the +justice which strove to restore all things to their true relations. If +any girl is puzzled as to the true province of feeling, and wishes to +know how to reconcile warm-heartedness and self-control, let her read +the wonderful chapter in "Middlemarch" which describes the interview +between Dorothea and Rosamund. + +Wherever we have to choose between justice and generosity we must be +just. Otherwise, our generosity is mere sentimentality. And it does no +good even to the person on whom we lavish it. Perhaps justice in its +highest sense includes generosity. It is just that the rich should help +the poor, and more truly generous to give with that thought than with +the feeling that one has done something meritorious in giving. It is +also mere justice that in dealing with our fellow-creatures we should +always think of them as they may be, as they ought to be, and not to +remember simply what they are. Our faith in them helps them to rise, but +not our pretense that they are right when they are wrong. + +After all, however, who is perfectly balanced? There are worthy women +who have all their feelings well in hand, who are pleasant to live with, +and who do an immense amount of good in the world, and yet who never +rise above common-placeness, and never lift anybody else much above the +material plane. And there are other women so ardent and generous and +loving that they seem to lend wings to everybody they meet, who are yet +crushed and ruined themselves by the excess of their grief not only for +their own sorrows, but for those of the whole world, until by and by +they drag their dearest and most sympathetic friends down into the same +abyss of woe. + +How shall we keep the true balance? I believe that it always is kept by +religious faith, though that too is frequently distorted. The one thing +necessary to believe is that a good God rules the universe. There is no +limit to the love we may give to such a being or to the creatures He +has made, and there is no sorrow which cannot be comforted by the +thought that love underlies it, and that it has a meaning though we +cannot see it, and there is nothing else which is so sure a spur to +duty. + +Even this simple creed, however, is not possible to all of us. The +upheavals in religious beliefs which this century has seen reach even +emotional women and unthinking girls. We cannot believe a thing simply +because we should like to believe it. Without this one article of faith, +I believe happiness to be impossible, but we need not fail in our duty. +A noble woman whose beautiful life is a benediction to all about her, +but whose suffering has been intense, says that as her life has been an +exceptionally favored one, it is impossible for her to believe in God. +But she adds, "Though things are not for the best, we must make the best +of them. We can always lighten somebody's burden." I believe she is +wrong in saying things are not for the best, but there could be no more +sublime resolution than to determine to do all we can to make wrong +right. + + + + +XIV. + +A QUESTION OF SOCIETY. + + +I cannot say how it is in other places, but every one who knows much of +society girls in Boston must have been struck with a certain earnest +note which sounds through all their frivolity. Few of them are satisfied +to be simply society girls. They wish to identify themselves with some +charity, or to make a thorough study of some art or science. It may be +due to their Puritan ancestry, forbidding them to make pleasure the only +business of life. + +Many of them seem to be always on the eve of revolt and ready to give up +society altogether. They join a Protestant sisterhood or even become +Roman Catholics, or they enter a training-school for nurses. I heard +only the other day of one of the loveliest "buds" of this season who has +already decided that a society life is an unsatisfactory one, and who is +almost prepared to go as a missionary to India. + +A young girl told me not long ago that she was wretched at the thought +she must soon leave school, for she dreaded the society life from which +there seemed no escape. She wished to find some charitable work +instantly which would be on the face of it so absorbing that it would be +a complete excuse for her to refuse all invitations. She is only one +among many who have the same feeling. + +It is hard to know what to say to such a girl. Motives are so mixed that +it is hard to stimulate the growth of the wheat without stimulating that +of the tares also. Most serious women would regret to see any young +friend become a mere society girl, but how far it is best for a girl to +give up society it is not easy to say. + +Circumstances make different duties. The pathway of some girls lies +directly through society. At the suitable age their sisters, their +mothers, and even their grandmothers have formally "come out," and have +at once been overwhelmed with invitations to the best houses in the +city. If such a girl has it in her mind to rebel against precedents she +would do well to consider carefully what Holmes has said in another +connection: "There are those who step out of the ordinary ranks by +reason of strength; there are others who fall out by reason of +weakness." For instance, a girl is painfully conscious of her plainness. +Her sister was a beauty and made a sensation when she was introduced. +The plain girl dreads the comparisons which will be made, and shrinks +from the social failure which she foresees. Her feeling would justify +her in making no attempt to get into society if she were outside the +charmed circle, but it would probably be a weakness to yield to it +since she is already within. Her objection is not to society but to the +place she is likely to fill in it. Probably the finest discipline of her +life will be in accepting her place. If she can forget herself, or, at +least, remember that it makes no real difference what others think of +her, she will soon gain the quiet ease which is sometimes even more +winning than beauty. This will be an attribute of character, and every +person's influence is needed in society who commands interest by +essential rather than non-essential qualities. Then, if she is a +wall-flower she is sure to have time to relieve the misery of some other +wall-flower, and as there are always a good many uninteresting people at +any party she will find her mission increasing upon her hands. When she +has thoroughly conquered her dread of society she will have a right to +reconsider the question and decide whether she can use her time to +better advantage. If she retires before fighting her battle she will +probably always look upon her beautiful sister's love of balls with +self-righteous pity; but long before she gains her victory she will be +likely to acknowledge that if she were pretty she would love balls too. + +It is not lovely for any girl to assume that she is better than her +parents. Many girls are better than their parents, and sometimes so much +better that they would be blind indeed if they did not see it; but they +ought to be very slow to act upon such a truth. + +As a general thing they are not nearly so superior as they suppose they +are. They think "Irreverence for the dreams of youth" always comes from +"the hardening of the heart." But youth has some fantastic as well as +some noble dreams, so that docility is a better quality than +independence in a very young person. If a worldly minded mother +inculcates worldliness in her daughter, the daughter certainly ought to +stand firm against the teaching; but if the daughter merely thinks she +would rather read Browning than go to a party which her mother wishes +her to attend, I think it is best for her to go to the party, even if +she is conscious that her mother's motive is a worldly one. I speak only +of young daughters. If a girl follows her mother's wishes about society +till she is twenty-four or five, and still retains her first aversion to +it, it seems to me she has earned the right to be the judge of her own +actions, and if she had been really docile and sweet-tempered all the +way through, I believe the most worldly minded mother would be ready to +yield. It is only when the daughter has combated her parents all the +time that they believe her to be unreasonable and obstinate and +deserving of coercion. The point is, that she must make her stand for a +principle and not for a whim. + +One reason that some girls fear society is that they feel awkward and +have nothing to say. This is often the case with intellectual girls. +They will not descend to the silly conversation which is more pleasing +than it ought to be from the pretty girls of their set, and they know it +would be out of place to talk of anything which really interests them. +They do not want to be called blue-stockings even by young men they +despise. But the agonies such girls suffer in society are unnecessary. +There is no reason why any girl should talk very much. Of course if she +is not a beauty or a graceful dancer she has no other way of attracting +attention, but it is not necessary to attract attention. If she is quiet +and unobtrusive and sweet-tempered she need not suffer from +mortification even if she does not find much to enjoy. I remember a +young girl whose great shyness made it a terror to her to meet any +strangers. Besides this, she felt so little interest in commonplace +people that she had no sufficient motive to subdue her fear. At last as +she was on the point of refusing to go to a very small and informal tea +party a friend not much older than herself talked seriously to her, +explaining that her course would seem morbid and selfish to others, and +might be so in truth. The young girl respected her friend, and making a +heroic effort to control herself determined to accept the invitation. "I +am going," she said to herself, "to show Ellen that I am not too +obstinate to take her advice, and I don't care how I appear." So she sat +still in a corner and listened to the conversation, which was indeed +preternaturally stupid. She felt perfectly at her ease and was quite +unconcerned about "making conversation." If anybody asked her a question +she answered simply without cudgeling her brains for any wise or witty +reply. By and by something was said which did attract her notice, and +she actually made a spontaneous remark herself. She realized then that +the worst was over. She never again felt such terror on entering a room, +and though I never heard that she shone in society, she was always able +after that to carry on her share of a conversation without anxiety. She +simply laid herself aside for the time being and paid attention to what +was going on. + +But while it is usually best for a young girl to go into society which +lies naturally in her way, it is a very different thing to push into +society which lies outside of her path. It is necessary to speak +strongly on this point. In every city the number of inhabitants who have +lived in it since its foundation is, of course, very small, and they +always form an aristocracy, jealous of interlopers. They generally are a +law-abiding, conservative class, with some sterling qualities. They are +superior to a great many people who would like to associate with them, +but inferior to a great many others. Now, just at the circumference of +this circle there is another circle equally good, intelligent, and +refined, who see no reason why they should be shut out from the inner +circle. There is no reason except that they did not first occupy the +central ground. The aristocracy of the city is formed on the principle +of "first come, first served," and the first will never relinquish their +places to the new-comers. Why should the new-comers care? There are +enough among them to make a society as good, intelligent, and refined as +that from which they are shut out. Nevertheless, it is a human failing +to prize what we cannot have, and some of the later comers look +wistfully across the dividing line. They cannot cross it, but sometimes +their daughters can. They send their daughters to the same schools with +the daughters of the "four hundred," and the girls make friends with +each other, and with a little skill the password may be learned and the +young plebeian may find herself indistinguishable from a patrician. +There are fathers and mothers who urge their daughters to make haste to +occupy every coigne of vantage, and gradually advance into the heart of +the enemy's country. I am not speaking now of those who are so vulgar as +to intrigue for invitations, but simply of the ambitious who wish to +accept an invitation given in good faith because it is a step upward in +the social scale. Of course I would not say that such an invitation +should never be accepted, for there is often congeniality between the +hostess and her guest; but it is not worth doing violence to one's +feelings for the sake of accepting it. We say that we do not consider +the "four hundred" really superior to many other hundreds in the city. +In that case let us treat them and their invitations with exactly the +same courtesy and exactly the same indifference that we show to our +other friends and their invitations. I think a young girl is always +justified in objecting to be pushed into society even when her parents +are eager to push her; yet if the matter is urged, it will probably be +best for her to gratify her parents, even at the sacrifice of her own +sensitiveness. It is not for her to judge her parents. Even if they are +wrong, their fault may be like the vanity of a child, because they are +still in the childish stage of education, while the daughter's higher +development is entirely due to their efforts in her behalf. + +There are girls whose religious convictions forbid society, and then +they are obliged to withstand their parents from the outset; yet I think +such convictions are uncommon where the parents do not share them. But +there are other girls who sincerely believe that their time can be +better spent than in going to parties and making calls. The conventions +of society seem meaningless to them, and they know if they observe them +all they will have no time or strength for anything else, while if they +do not observe them they will be stigmatized as rude, odd, and even as +self-conceited. One cannot read even the most sensible book on +etiquette without being oppressed with the feeling that a terrible +addition has been made to the moral law in the by-laws which treat of +visiting cards, and every writer on etiquette says mildly but firmly +that there is a reason for all the rules in the very nature of things, +and that if any of us venture to disregard them and substitute our own +reason, we simply show our incapacity for appreciating real refinement. +A part of this is no doubt true. The rules of society are reasonable for +those who give their whole time to society. When a lady has four hundred +people on her visiting list, and a call must be made on each one every +winter on pain of losing the acquaintance altogether, to say nothing of +party calls and receptions and afternoon teas, it is clear that a +language of pasteboard simplifies her duties very much. But for any one +who has a definite work in life outside of society, attention to all +these minor points is impossible, and we must either be shut out of +society altogether or be allowed to enter it on our own terms. The women +who have their living to earn have the matter decided for them. Even in +the few cases where they are welcomed among the _élite_, their work must +always take precedence of society demands. And the same thing ought to +be true in the case of good mothers. The care of one's own children +never ought to be given up for any conventional duty. But the hardest +case is that of young girls who wish their lives to be in earnest, and +who have as yet no imperative duties. No wonder they wish to make duties +for themselves. Is there any guide in deciding how far they are bound to +follow conventions? I know nothing better than the dictum of the +Hegelians. "Make your deed universal, and see what the result will be." +If everybody who finds afternoon teas a burden stayed away from them, +would any harm be done? If everybody who objects to making calls refused +to make them, would it not soon simplify life even for those who do like +to make them? If all people who chanced to meet felt at liberty to be as +friendly as they felt like being, without any formal preliminaries, who +would be injured? The question of absolute right is answered when these +questions are answered, and we ought not to let any writer on etiquette +persuade us to the contrary. But it is not so easy to say how far it is +wise for anybody, particularly for young girls, to set themselves +against the customs of their own circle. They then give up the friends +they would naturally make, and it is sometimes hard to find equally +congenial friends in other circles. Many a girl who might have been +happily married if she had not rebelled against conventionalities is +left to lead a lonely life; and that not because young men value +conventionalities, but because society makes people acquainted. She +will some day be likely to regret that she missed her opportunities, +unless she had some more definite reason for her course than the mere +shrinking from the effort society requires. + +Duties we make for ourselves are seldom entirely free from affectation. +An ardent, active girl may easily become so interested in her charities +and her studies that she may make a genuine plea that she is too busy +for parties and calls; but perhaps she ought not to give up society +duties until higher duties actually open before her. Is it not possible +that society has some intrinsic worth, or that at all events it might +have worth, if earnest people did their part? There is much to be done +for the poor, but the poor are not the only ones to be helped. Sweetness +of temper and honorable action tell as much sometimes in a game of cards +as in an affair of state. The highest good anybody can ever do is to +inspire others with a higher ideal, to raise the level of character. The +specific act by which this is done matters little; in truth it is +usually the result not of an act, but of a noble character influencing +others unconsciously. One might give all her goods to feed the poor and +not leave the world any better than she found it. On the other hand, I +know a frank, light-hearted girl, whose whole mind seems to be absorbed +in choosing the prettiest dresses she can find for her approaching +_début_, who is sure to be a factor in elevating every company she +enters, because of her scorn of any form of meanness. She would not +trouble herself to say anything bitter if one of her acquaintances did a +mean thing; but the amazed tone in which she would utter the word +"Fancy!" would inflict a punishment no culprit could escape. + +Most of what is called society is no doubt poor and weak, and not worth +much time or trouble. I think the girls whose pathway does not lead +directly through it are perhaps to be congratulated. It is to be hoped +that most women who reach the age of twenty-five will find something +better to do than to give themselves up entirely to society. But though, +as now constituted, its exactions are so heavy that it often seems as if +it must be all or nothing, it need not inevitably be so. Society could +be so conducted as to be a beautiful recreation instead of a business, +and those who see this clearly can help to bring it about. + +Society ought to give enjoyment in a refined way. Beautiful houses, +beautiful dresses, music, cultivated voices in conversation, delicate +wit, smiling faces, graceful dancing, all these things would make up an +attractive picture to most of us if we could forget ourselves, and not +feel that our shadow was the most prominent part of it. It could not +take the place of our serious daily life, but it ought to supplement it. + +The French writer Amiel has given the most beautiful description of +ideal society, and I will quote it here. It would, I think, be a good +plan for every girl who wishes to give up society to consider this +picture well. If society were always like this, would you wish to give +it up? If it is not like this, may it not be possible for you to help to +make it so? Is there any better work laid ready to your hand? If so, do +it, by all means. If not, is not this well worth doing? + + +It is thus that Amiel describes a small evening party: "Thirty people of +the best society, a happy mingling of sexes and ages. Gray heads, young +people, _spirituelle_ faces. All framed in tapestries of Aubusson which +gave a soft distance and a charming background to the groups in full +dress.... In the world it is necessary to have the appearance of living +on ambrosia and of being acquainted with only noble cares. Anxiety, +want, passion do not exist. All realism is suppressed as brutal. In a +word, what is called _le grand monde_ presents for the moment a +flattering illusion, that of being in an ethereal state and of breathing +the life of mythology. That is the reason that all vehemence, every cry +of nature, all true suffering, all careless familiarity, all open marks +of passion, shock and jar in this delicate _milieu_, and destroy in a +moment the whole fabric, the palace of clouds, the magic architecture +raised by the consent of all. + +"It is like the harsh cock-crow which causes all enchantment to vanish +and puts the fairies to flight. These choice _réunions_ act +unconsciously towards a concert of eye and ear, towards an improvised +work of art. This instinctive accord is a festival for the mind and +taste, and transports the actors into the sphere of the imagination. It +is a form of poetry, and it is thus that cultivated society renews by +reflection the idyl which has disappeared.... + +"Paradoxical or not, I believe that these fleeting attempts to +reconstruct a dream which pursues beauty alone are confused +recollections of the age of gold which haunts the human soul, or rather +of aspirations towards the harmony of things which daily reality refuses +to us, and to which we are introduced only by art." + + + + +XV. + +NARROW LIVES. + + +What is a narrow life? Its causes almost always lie in character. One +either has a narrow nature, or is subject to some tyrant who has a +narrow nature. In such cases there is little hope of remedy. + +But in general circumstances are not responsible for a narrow life. +Illness and poverty indeed are hard to resist, nevertheless I hope to +show by actual examples that broad lives are lived by the sick and poor. + +Once at the wish of a friend I was visiting I went to carry some +comforts to a neglected almshouse on a Western prairie. In the insane +ward I found a poor young fellow suffering from epilepsy. There had been +some brutal treatment in the almshouse and he had tried to escape. Being +overtaken he had fought for his liberty, and in consequence he was +afterwards fastened with a chain and ball of many pounds' weight. He +could not be cared for elsewhere, as his family was very poor, and +though usually perfectly sane he had dangerous intervals. The management +of the almshouse was culpably bad, and though about this time +benevolent persons began to bestir themselves, and there was some +amelioration of conditions, yet this young man was certainly placed in +as narrowing circumstances as could surround a human being. He was poor +to the degree of pauperism, he had an incurable disease and he was +almost absolutely in the power of tyrants. Remembering that my friend +wished to lend some books to those of the poor creatures who could read, +I asked him if he liked to read. He said yes, that he was very fond of +reading, but could not get any books. I asked him what kind of books he +would like. "Well," he said slowly, "I should be glad of anything; but I +think I should like best stories or biographies which would tell me how +people who were put in hard places met their lives. For," he added +pathetically, "I want to make the most I can of my life." I felt as he +spoke that these were the most heroic words I had ever heard or that I +ever should hear. I left the town in a few days, and my friend at the +same time changed her residence, so I have never known his fate. But I +am sure no circumstances could make a life inspired with such a feeling +a narrow one. + +Fortunately few people are so hemmed in by circumstances. But some of us +think a single misfortune enough to crush us. How, for instance, is a +woman prostrated by disease to make anything of the little life within +her four walls? + +I remember a woman who broke down at school and suffered so frequently +from violent hemorrhages all her life, which was prolonged till she was +nearly fifty, that she was seldom able to leave her room. Her home was +on a farm a long distance from the village, so that it at first seemed +as if she could not have even the ordinary alleviation of cheerful +society in her more comfortable days. Another aggravation in her case +was that she had an active temperament and strong mind. She had been +fitting herself to be a teacher, and she had just the qualities which +would have made her an admirable teacher, a clear intellect, quick +observation, firm will, love of children, and a perfectly serene temper. +She had wished to teach, partly because she thought she should find it +an inspiring work, and partly because she wished to help the family. She +saw this was not to be, that in spite of herself she must be a burden on +the family. She met her altered circumstances with the same firm will +and cheerful temper she had shown from childhood. If she must be a +burden on others she would make that burden as light as she could. She +would not suggest that any one should sit in her darkened room all day, +however lonely she might be. She would not call upon others for the +hundred little services not absolutely necessary, but still so very +agreeable to one who is weak and helpless. On the other hand, she would +not exert herself rashly in the vain endeavor to wait on herself when +such an exertion was likely to injure her, and in the end to bring more +care on other people. She always spoke cheerfully even when her voice +could not rise above a whisper. She was ready to admit the sunshine the +moment she could bear the light. As she lay alone she tried to think of +some pleasant thing to say or do when any one should come in, and in +this way she beguiled the tedious hours. + +Of course she had her reward. No one could be unwilling to take care of +one so unexacting. Moreover, although she often unavoidably taxed the +strength of her friends, she did so much to make them happy that nursing +her was a pleasant task. Her mother and sisters wished to be in her room +as much as possible, not for her sake, but for their own enjoyment. She +never asked them to read aloud to her, for instance, but she was such an +appreciative listener that they could never be quite satisfied with +reading any interesting book to themselves. They enjoyed it doubly with +her wise and witty comments. She had a keen sense of humor which it has +always seemed to me goes a long way in broadening any life,--and +naturally everybody saved the best jokes to relate in her room. She was +frequently too ill to laugh without danger of a hemorrhage, but she soon +learned to control herself so that she laughed with her eyes alone. The +girls from the village, instead of feeling it a duty to visit her in +her sickness, considered it a privilege to be admitted to her room. +When she was able to sit up they would come by twos and threes and bring +their work and chat until she was tired. She had the kind of character +which made gossip impossible with her, so that she always got at the +very best her visitors had to give, and the _very best_ of even a +shallow girl is often worth something. Her friends, however, felt it was +she who gave to them because of her uplifting power. + +She was sometimes able to read and she carried on her education +systematically, though necessarily with many interruptions. She had a +gift for drawing and amused herself often in that way, though, it was +always a sorrow to her that she had had too little instruction to +produce anything of value to others. She was not altogether shut out +from beauty. Her room gave her a view of the sunset every day, and she +purposely left her curtain up for an hour in the evening to watch the +march of the stars. She had the unspotted beauty of the snow in the +winter, and of the grass and flowers in the summer. Sometimes she was +even able to walk about the dooryard a little and gather flowers for +herself. She always had a few house plants in which she took a strong +interest, and which accordingly flourished. + +She was a public-spirited woman and was glad to be made one of the +trustees of the Public Library. She was one of the most efficient +members of the board, though she was seldom strong enough to be driven +as far as the library building. + +She was determined that her sisters' lives should not be trammeled by +her weakness. The fact that she could not go to a place was all the more +reason why her sisters should go and tell her about it. One sister was a +teacher who at first wished to take the neighboring district school +rather than a much finer position in a distant city simply for the sake +of being constantly with the beloved invalid. But the latter would not +allow this. "I shall never be able to go West myself, you know," she +said cheerfully, "but if you go and I have your letters every week, I +shall know exactly what it is like. And you will be so much more +entertaining in vacations than if you stay at home." + +By the same course of reasoning the sick sister persuaded the teacher to +go abroad to study a year when the opportunity came. "The photographs +you bring home will mean a great deal more to me than any I could buy," +she said. "I shall almost feel as if I had seen the pictures +themselves." Every letter which came from the absent sister did inclose +some imponderable unmounted photograph, with comments. The sister at +home, studying these one by one, learned almost more of the meaning of +the pictures than the one who saw their visible beauty. One of my +friends says, "There is nothing which so destroys the æsthetic sense as +to see too many beautiful pictures at once." This truth, perhaps, +explains why so many people see all the great paintings of the world and +yet have so little appreciation of any of them. At all events, our +invalid did gain both happiness and spiritual insight from the hints of +beauty she found in these humble little photographs. + +I have before said that she was not left without companions. She also +had friends in the highest sense. Having the leisure to make friendship +a chief business of life she was able to be so much to her friends that +however busy they might be they could not afford to neglect her. The day +of leisurely letter writing seems to have passed by. But she had long +hours by herself when she could write out the good and pleasant things +she was thinking about. Her letters were lovely, and strong, and +helpful, and each was written with such exquisite penmanship, with such +easy lines of beauty, that it was like a work of art in itself. + +She was not obliged even to forego the happiness of love. She had a +young lover at the time her health failed. He would not believe at first +that there was no cure for her. Her instinct had been so true that she +had chosen a perfectly loyal lover whose love could not be shaken by +misfortune. At last he was himself attacked by a terrible disease, and +it was seldom possible for the two to meet after that. But they faced +their trouble together. They said that if the time should ever come +when they could be married they should rejoice; but if it never came +they would be all they could to each other. Sometimes even letters were +impossible between them, but their perfect reliance upon each other was +a constant source of strength and happiness, and their rare interviews +were true radiant points in their lives. + +Of course no one would think of calling this woman's life a narrow one, +and yet the only reason it was not so lay in herself. + +I know another woman whose poverty would seem to many people an +effectual bar to any breadth of life. As poverty is a relative term, I +will state definitely that she receives less than three hundred dollars +a year for teaching a difficult village school, and that the whole +support of her frail and delicate mother has fallen upon her except that +the two together own their heavily mortgaged little home. A servant +being out of the question, she rises very early in the morning to do as +much of the heavier housework as possible. Her washing, of course, has +to be done on Saturday. Some of us in such a case would be content with +a low standard of cleanliness--but she has an ideal, and her house and +herself fairly sparkle with neatness. Her exquisite cooking is a special +grace of economy, for it makes it possible that a frugal table should +seem to be richly spread. Of course she and her mother must do their +own sewing, and they do it so well that they always have the air of +being dressed as ladies, with great simplicity, to be sure, but with +excellent taste. + +At this point, I fancy my readers will make one of two comments. They +will say, "She must have an iron constitution," or "She must spend all +her time on material things. She cannot have a moment for books or +society or travel." + +Now she has not an iron constitution. She suffered in her youth from a +wasting disease, and her physician says she was nearer death than any +person he ever knew to recover. This disease has left its traces upon +her. There is hardly a year when she does not have to be out of school a +week or two for illness, and of course sick headaches and trifling +ailments of that kind have to be met every few days. + +Nor is it true that the daily necessities absorb her whole life. +Obviously, she cannot be a great reader, or rather it is fortunate she +is not so, for if she spent all her little leisure over books, she would +miss much that is inspiring in her life. But she does care for books, +and particularly for the best books, though her school education was +limited. She reads a tiny daily paper and always takes a leading +magazine. She owns Shakespeare and Scott and Shelley, and knows them +almost by heart. She borrows the best of her friends' books, and +occasionally buys a cheap classic. She always has some volume of +biography or travel from the Public Library, which she reads leisurely +with her mother perhaps. It may take her a month to read some little +volume of two or three hundred pages--such a volume as Bradford Torrey's +"Rambler's Lease," or Dr. Emerson's memoir of his father--and possibly +she may not be able in the end to quote any more fluently from these +books than another who reads them through in an afternoon, although I +think she usually is able, but her advantage is that she thoroughly +enjoys the flavor of every sentence; her reading stimulates and +encourages her and makes her happy. + +She was one of the founders of the Book Club in the village, and as the +Public Library grew out of that, there was considerable work to be done +by some of the members, and of this she did much more than her share. + +She is one of the most active members also of the Reading Club and the +Natural History Club, two organizations which combine culture and +society quite as effectually as the more ambitious circles in our +cities. Her house is always hospitably open to either of these clubs, +for she loves society and wishes to make the most of all the intelligent +people in the place who belong to one or the other of them. Her +sociability, however, carries her farther. She knows everybody in the +town well enough for a bow and smile in passing, and that is no small +achievement in a modern village where the population is so fluctuating. +I would suggest that we try for a moment to recall the difference it +makes in the cheerfulness of our day whether all the people we meet have +a pleasant word for us or not; and then, I think, we shall see that her +influence is by no means slight or worthless. Perhaps it is a little +candle, but it throws its beams far. + +She likes to go to see her friends, and she faithfully returns the +semi-formal calls which cannot be avoided even in the most unfashionable +centres. She makes her own callers heartily welcome, and even invites a +friend or two to tea now and then. She is always hospitably ready to +entertain visitors from a distance, and consequently she often has the +pleasant variety of going away on a visit herself. + +She likes to go to the public entertainments of the village. A sewing +society, a Sunday-school picnic, or a fair attracts her. These are +simple pleasures, but taken with such a spirit as hers, they are +innocent and wholesome, even if they seem barren to an outsider. + +She always does her part at all such gatherings. She is ready to serve +on any committee. She will make delicious cake for a Grand Army supper, +or sell flowers in aid of the Village Improvement Society. One would +hardly expect her to have time for such duties, but one of the strong +points in her character is that she never has any inclination to shirk +a responsibility that belongs to her, and she is generous in her +interpretation of her responsibilities. It has always interested me to +see the persistency with which she pays the extra fraction of a cent +when any expense is to be divided among several people. She knows the +full value of a cent, for she has to count the cost of everything; but +she evidently takes a brave pride in always doing a little more rather +than a little less than justice requires her to do. She has perhaps too +great a scorn of receiving help from anybody. She once acted as a +substitute in school for a friend who was ill. The obliged friend +insisted that she should receive the ten dollars which would otherwise +have been paid to herself. But the independent young lady instantly took +the money and invested it all in a beautiful piece of lace which she +sent as a present to the convalescent. I know of no one who acts more +thoroughly on the rule, "If you have but sixpence to spend, spend it +like a prince, and not like a beggar." + +She is a true lover of nature, without pretense or cant of any kind. She +has an eye for flowers,--indeed her little garden is the delight of the +neighborhood,--and she finds harebells on Thanksgiving Day and ferns in +midwinter. She knows the minerals in the stone-walls, and likes to trace +the course of old glaciers across the farms beyond the village. And she +likes, too, to stroll through the woods, or to float in her dory on the +river, without a thought of mineralogy or botany while she softly +repeats poetry for which she has a real love. + +Of course she has not a large margin of income for luxuries, but she +does take a journey now and then, and she enjoys her journeys with a +zest which would surprise many travelers. + +She has not much money to give away; and yet she often adds a modest +contribution to a subscription paper for some unfortunate neighbor. And +she has lent her boat a hundred times to people who otherwise could not +have one to use. More than that, she will go herself and row for some +child or old person who cannot manage the oars, but who stands on the +bank and looks wishfully at the river. I have never known anybody who +owned a carriage to give half so much pleasure to other people with it, +as she gives with her boat. She is always ready to "lend a hand." She +has watched with a great many sick people, for instance. Most of her +kindnesses are unobtrusive, and she forgets them the next day, but they +make a definite addition to the comfort and happiness of the world. + +"I always like to have Miss Amidon come in to spend the evening", said a +nervous, critical, intellectual man, most of whose life had been passed +among far more pretentious people in large cities, "there is such a +sunny atmosphere about her." + +Where does Miss Amidon get the strength to do so many good things? She +is not a common woman of course, and yet there is nothing striking about +her. She does nothing great. I have no reason to suppose that her +teaching even is above the average. I think the rare quality in her +character, however, is that she spends the little strength and money she +has on _essentials_, and so there is always something to show for them. + + +I once had a friend who was told by several physicians that she had an +incurable disease. Her own home was gone, and she did not wish to be +dependent upon others. She had been a teacher, and she resolved to go on +teaching. There would be months at a time when she would be obliged to +rest, but then, with unfailing courage, she went back to her work. Once, +when she was only able to sit up a few hours in the day, she took a +position in a boarding-school, where her board was but a trifle, and was +given to her for her instruction of one or two small classes which could +recite in her room where she was propped up in an easy-chair. + +She had a religious nature, and thought calmly of death, while she felt +that in this world her plain duty was to make the most of her life. She +bore her suffering without complaint, did not allow herself to be +anxious, took all measures she could to alleviate her pain and to +improve her health, and was then free to enjoy the few pleasures still +within her reach. As a result, she grew better, and for half a dozen +years was able to support herself well by teaching in a difficult +school. In order to do this, however, she had to live within very narrow +lines. Her disease was of such a nature, that her diet had to be +confined almost entirely to one article. This made it seem best for her +to live in a hotel where she could have little home life. And such a +diet at times became almost nauseating. It was necessary for her to save +all her strength for her daily work, so she had to put aside even the +few pleasures otherwise within her reach. What made this the harder was +that she had never taught from love of the work, though her fine +intelligence and conscientiousness made her an excellent teacher. + +"First, I have to consider my health," she said. "Then I must think of +my work. And that does not leave much room for other things." + +But for her determined and heroic observance of the laws of health, her +life must have been a wreck. Her strong good sense not only saved her +from being a burden to others, but enabled her to do a really valuable +work for her scholars, which I have seldom known any one capable of +doing so well. And all her friends were strengthened by the spectacle of +her cheerful courage. The few years she won for herself by her steadfast +struggle would have been well worth living, even if she had had no +alleviations of her lot. But she gladly took such little pleasures as +were in her pathway. She chose a pleasant room in the hotel with a wide +outlook over the sea. She spent some happy hours with her favorite +German books, and in a quiet, friendly way she made the acquaintance of +any congenial people who came to the hotel. All this was not very much, +perhaps, but yet it seems fine to me. So many of us would have spent our +strength in mourning our hard fate! I am sure that all of us who had the +privilege of knowing her must always think of her with reverence. + + +I know a woman whose deafness shuts her out from ordinary conversation, +and who is nevertheless such an interesting talker and such an +appreciative listener that her friends do not find it a task to spend +hours in talking through her ear-trumpet. Of course each friend brings +only his best to her ears. The very circumstance which would have +narrowed her life if her nature had been narrow, has simply shut off +much that is low from her and left full room for the expansion of all +that is high. + +I knew two women on whom blindness fell in middle life. One with morbid +grief stayed always in her own room. She became totally dependent on +others and wore away her years in sorrow. The other gave up the +luxurious rooms she occupied in a hotel, took a lodging-house, which +she was able largely to manage herself, made it a delightful home for +every inmate, and kept herself usefully busy and happy. Each of these +women had an only sister entirely devoted to her. One of them narrowed +and the other broadened her sister's life. + +I am almost tempted to say there are no narrow lives except for narrow +natures. But there are many timid and loving women who are forced to +lead restricted lives by domestic tyrants,--a despotic father or +husband, or even sometimes an imperious mother or sister,--and who yet +under other circumstances might expand like a flower. The only help for +such women is in cultivating courage. And it is necessary to remember +that the self-sacrifice which helps others to be their best is good, +while that which suffers them to be tyrants is bad. + + + + +XVI. + +CONCLUSION: A MISCELLANEOUS CHAPTER. + + +In these pages I have not catalogued the virtues which make up the +character of a fine woman, but I think I have made it clear that every +woman should be truthful and loving, courageous and modest. No two women +are alike, and sometimes one virtue dominates and sometimes another. And +we must always be on our guard against the faults of our qualities. A +gentle woman is in danger of being cowardly, and a firm woman of being +obstinate. There is one danger which seems to be peculiarly powerful +with women; that of sacrificing too much to the people nearest them. A +woman knows positively that more is required of her than it is fair she +should give, and yet she gives it, and in most cases she feels a certain +satisfaction of conscience in giving it. Her renunciation comes partly +because she loves those for whom she makes the sacrifice, but partly +also from cowardice. So far as it is simple renunciation, I have not +much to say. If Jane Welsh had not sacrificed herself to Carlyle's +unreasonable demands, it is certain that she might have contributed +something of permanent value to literature, and if Carlyle's colossal +egotism had thus been pruned, his own contribution probably would have +been of higher quality; but as the question of sacrifice came up day by +day, she could hardly measure results, and she did feel the necessity of +struggling with her own selfishness. Life is so much more than +literature that I cannot help thinking she did right, though Carlyle did +wrong in allowing her to efface herself for him. But most women go +farther than this. They allow themselves to be blinded by their wish to +please those nearest them. They wish it were right to yield one point +after another, and they finally do yield and hope they are not doing +wrong, though if they did not firmly shut their eyes, they must see that +they are. I think this is even more fatal to a noble character than +deliberately to choose the wrong, because it confuses moral distinctions +and makes one weak as well as wicked. I suppose more good women have +failed in this way than in any other. + +English novelists describe American girls as exquisitely beautiful, +stylish, quick-witted, energetic, and good-tempered, while the mothers +are portrayed as awkward, dowdy, stupid, and ill-educated, though honest +and kind. We resent the distortion of this picture, for in America, as +elsewhere, girls are largely what they are made by their mothers, yet we +do have certain conditions which make sharp contrasts between mothers +and daughters more common here than elsewhere. + +This is especially so in the present generation, for the last fifty +years have been a transition period in woman's education. Before that, +there were no good schools for girls in America, though the country +academies did what they could; and in a few of the large cities there +was a small class of wealthy people who had private teachers for their +girls in music, French, dancing, and perhaps literature. + +Then came the establishment of high-class boarding schools for girls, so +endowed that they were within the reach of people of moderate means. The +eager, ambitious, half-educated mothers sent their bright daughters to +these schools. The best class of girls from the country towns everywhere +now met each other, and mingled, too, with many girls who had had the +opportunities of city life. The teachers in these schools were women of +high character and real refinement, and though they were not all +accustomed to the usages of society, there were always some among them +who were so, and who gave a certain finish to the solid work of the +others. The advantages of these boarding-school girls were so far beyond +those of the previous generation that the line between mothers and +daughters became abnormally broad. The son had advantages at college +which his father had not, but after all, he went to the same college, +and the progress was natural. + +Then the high schools were opened to girls, and thousands were able to +get a fair education whose mothers had had no opportunities whatever. +And then about thirty years ago, colleges for women sprang up, and the +young women of our day have the same advantages as the young men. + +Mothers must always, of course, expect to be outstripped in some +directions by their daughters. Indeed, they wish to have it so, for they +wish to have their daughters stand on as high ground as possible; but +when the process goes on as rapidly as it has done through the wonderful +opening of the means of education in the last half century, it has a +painful side. Especially is it so in this country, where there is such a +spirit of equality that in spite of all the barriers of caste, the +daughter of a wholly unrefined mother may occupy a high position. In +England a clever daughter may have a stupid mother, but a refined +daughter is not very likely to have a mother who is outwardly coarse, +because class lines have been drawn so distinctly for many generations +that mother and daughter have essentially the same kind of education and +see essentially the same kind of people. In America this is the +exception instead of the rule, though now that the highest education is +open to all women, the chances are that the contrasts will be less sharp +in future. + +But at present the gulf between mother and daughter is often so wide +that it requires more than tact to bridge it. A sense of duty will keep +a daughter outwardly kind and respectful to her mother, but love is the +mother's only real security; and a mother must be thoroughly good at +heart and refined in feeling to hold the warm love of a daughter whose +intellectual tastes and social standards she outrages every moment. On +the other hand, if the daughter's education has not taught her that +character is more than intellect, it is worse than useless. + +"Intellect separates," said Dr. James Freeman Clarke, "but love unites." +Here lies the key to this problem. + + +I have said little of marriage, for the subject is difficult. A +thoroughly high-minded woman will not be likely to marry unworthily, and +she may be trusted to meet the problems that rise after marriage in a +worthy manner. The special difficulties in each pathway will depend on +temperament and circumstances, and no general rules can be laid down for +meeting them. + +I hold to the old-fashioned doctrine that a true marriage opens the way +to the best and happiest life for both men and women. Anything less than +a true marriage is intolerable and debasing. + +But girls can hardly choose whether they will be married or not. They +can say No to all offers, and some women do plan for opportunities to +say Yes, yet most of us feel that there are few circumstances in which +a girl of noble instincts could take the initiative. + +Can parents do anything? Certainly not in the way of trying to win a +particular lover; but they may so educate their daughter as to make her +attractive to such a man as they would wish her to marry, provided that +such an education does not sacrifice higher interests; and then they may +give her the opportunity to see as many such men as possible in her own +home, and in other places where the standards are as high as in her own +home. + +What are the qualities which most attract men? It is hard to say, +because many of the women most loved in their own families and by other +women are not interesting to even the best of men. Probably +warm-heartedness and sweetness of character stand first in the list, and +these are qualities worth cultivating for themselves. Vitality and high +spirits count for much, also. Beauty I think comes next, even with men +who do not care for mere beauty. I do not think we should be indignant +at this. But can beauty be cultivated? Good health does something for +the complexion. Care of the teeth adds another point of beauty. Even +rough hair may be made beautiful by constant brushing. A good carriage +and a gentle voice are points of beauty that depend partly on ourselves. +Taste may be used in dress without sacrificing simplicity. Scrupulous +cleanliness adds a charm of its own. All these attractions may be +cultivated without nourishing the noxious weed of vanity, which many +mothers dread so much. And is it not natural that a man who can +appreciate a good and intelligent woman should find her still more +winning if she has a sweet, fresh face and a trim dress? + +Next we must place domestic tastes. Of course a cook and seamstress and +housekeeper can be hired, and it is quite true that the home instinct is +not the highest in the universe; but it is a fine one, nevertheless, and +at all events it does influence most men in marriage. + +Intelligent men like intelligent wives, and value a certain brightness +of mind; but it must be admitted that few men care to marry intellectual +women unless such women have the tact to keep their gifts somewhat in +the background. (I may here say,--it is not worth more than a +parenthesis--that the infallible rule for securing some kind of a +husband is to be able to flatter a man, either by a real or pretended +interest in him, or a real or pretended admiration of his powers. But I +hope I have no reader who would wish for marriage on such terms, so I +will not catalogue any attractions which ought not to win.) You remember +how Charles Lamb speaks of his Cousin Bridget's knowledge of English +literature. "If I had twenty girls, they should all be educated in +exactly the same way. Their chances of marriage might not be increased +by it, but if worst came to worst, it would make them most incomparable +old maids." If a woman is not married in the end, the wider and deeper +her education goes, the happier and more useful she is; and yet can we +deny that a very wide education is likely to repel rather than attract +even highly educated men? + +My own solution of the difficulty would be to give a girl the best +education within reach, but to lay such stress on warm-heartedness and +sweet temper that her intellectual attainments would not stand out +prominently and concentrate all attention on them. I should do this, not +chiefly as a matter of policy, but because it seems to me the only way +to preserve the true balance between emotion and thought essential to an +ideal character. + +It may be said that all the qualities I have discussed are rather +superficial, and that it is only when two people have high aims in +common that they are capable of the best kind of love on which alone a +true marriage can be based. And that is right. All education ought to +tend to make a girl noble, and no motive of marriage ought to be held up +before her. But I cannot think it is idle for her parents and friends to +try to make her attractive as well as good, and I cannot think a man is +to be blamed who chooses between two high-minded women the one who has +graces as well as gifts. + +Another subject which it may be thought ought not to be left untouched +in any volume dealing with women is that of the suffrage. I must frankly +own that though I have thought much upon this subject I have not been +able to come to positive conclusions about it. I am glad for all the +freedom women have gained. I wish to see them entirely free. I think a +woman needs to be free in order to reach the highest nobility; but it is +inward freedom which we most need, and that is independent of +circumstances. Epictetus, a slave, won as complete inward freedom as +Marcus Aurelius, an emperor. + +I see so many arguments on both sides of the question that I am always +vacillating between them, and it would therefore be impossible for me to +treat the matter here. All I can say is, that the longer I live the more +I am convinced that it is personal character which most helps the world +forward, and I think our hearty allegiance to the truth which we clearly +see will in the end teach us new truth. + + +I began this little book in the hope of saying some helpful words to +girls. I have found it necessary to think of them as having grown into +women. I cannot take leave of them without fancying them as they will be +in old age. + +Charles Dudley Warner once visited the Mary Institute at St. Louis. He +was asked to make a speech, and after glancing at the five hundred +beautiful young girls before him, he turned to the fine faces of the +teachers, many of whom were gray-haired, and said:-- + +"It is a beautiful thing to be a charming young lady; and the best of it +is that you will sometime have a chance to be a charming old lady!" + +All old ladies are not charming, but a great many of them are; and would +not all of us be so if we could follow the prescriptions I have given so +liberally for the conduct of life all the way through? Suppose we were +all sweet-tempered and warm-hearted and truthful, and as neat and pretty +as we could be, and bright and intelligent and modest and helpful--do +you not think we should be charming even if our eyes were dim and our +ears dull, and we walked with a cane? + +Nevertheless, there is one practical rule that old people must never +forget. They must keep growing as long as they live. Your temper must be +sweeter at forty than it was at twenty, and sweeter at sixty than at +forty, if it is to seem sweet at all when your bright eyes and red lips +are gone. We can pardon a sharp word from an inexperienced young girl, +who speaks hastily without reflection, but we cannot pardon it so easily +from a woman who has had a lifetime to reflect. + +If you would keep fresh in body, you must not pay too much attention to +rheumatic twinges, and sit still in a corner because you are too stiff +to rise. Take your painful walk, and you will be less stiff when you +come back. You will have fresh life from outside, and not be a burden to +younger lives impatient of your chimney corner. + +One of my friends, who is nearly eighty, has taken a trip to Kansas this +winter, and has been delighted with the new life she has seen. I need +not say that her delight makes her delightful to others. "You need not +suppose," she writes, "that I am going to settle down and be an old lady +yet. I am planning a visit to California next year." + +Mrs. Horace Mann and Miss Elizabeth Peabody were both nearly eighty when +they went to Washington on official business--something in reference to +the Indian troubles, I believe. I have already cited my mother's friend +who began to study botany at ninety. And why not? If the end of +knowledge was to help us to get our daily bread, we might at last fold +our hands; but if it is to open our minds to the glory of the universe, +to make us more worthy to be the immortal souls we hope we are, why +should we not be just as eager to learn at ninety as at nine? + +A sensitive woman is sure to have many and many an experience in life +which will make her heart sad and sore; but I think that every brave and +good woman will also feel more and more, as time goes on, that the +kingdom of heaven is within her. + + + + +ADVERTISEMENTS + + + The Riverside Library for Young People. + + + _A Series of Volumes devoted to History, Biography, + Mechanics, Travel, Natural History, and Adventure. With + Maps, Portraits, etc., where needed for fuller illustration + of the volume. Each, uniform, strongly bound + in cloth, 16mo, 200-250 pages, 75 cents._ + + +1. _The War of Independence._ + By JOHN FISKE. With Maps. + +2. _George Washington: An Historical Biography._ + By HORACE E. SCUDDER. With Portrait and Illustrations. + +3. _Birds through an Opera Glass._ + By FLORENCE A. MERRIAM. Illustrated. + +4. _Up and Down the Brooks._ + By MARY E. BAMFORD. Illustrated. + +5. _Coal and the Coal Mines._ + By HOMER GREENE. Illustrated. + +6. _A New England Girlhood, Outlined from Memory._ + By LUCY LARCOM. + +7. _Java: The Pearl of the East._ + By MRS. S. J. HIGGINSON. With a Map. + +8. _Girls and Women._ + By E. CHESTER. + + +(_Others in preparation._) + + +MESSRS. HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN AND COMPANY publish, under the above title, a +series of books designed especially for boys and girls who are laying +the foundation of private libraries. The books in this series are not +ephemeral publications, to be read hastily and quickly forgotten, both +the authors and the subjects treated indicate that they are books to +last. + +The great subjects of History, Biography, Mechanics, Travel, Natural +History, Adventure, and kindred themes form the principal portion of the +library. The authors engaged are for the most part writers who already +have won attention, but the publishers give a hospitable reception to +all who may have something worth saying to the young, and the power to +say it in good English and in an attractive manner. The books in this +Library are intended particularly for young people, but they will not be +written in what has been well called the _Childese_ dialect. + +The books are illustrated whenever the subject treated needs +illustration; history and travel are accompanied by maps; history and +biography by portraits; but the aim is to make the accompaniments to the +text real additions. + +The publishers hope to have the active coöperation of parents, teachers, +superintendents, and all who are interested in the formation of good +taste in reading among young people. + + +HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN AND COMPANY, + +_4 Park Street, Boston; 11 East 17th Street, New York._ + +Critical Notices. + + +_FISKE'S War of Independence._ + +John Fiske's book, "The War of Independence," is a miracle. I can never +understand why, when a perfect literary work is issued, all the critics +do not clap their hands! I think it must be because they never read the +books. This story of the war is such a book, brilliant and effective +beyond measure. It should be read by every voter in the United States. +It is a statement that every child can comprehend, but that only a man +of consummate genius could have written.--MRS. CAROLINE H. DALL, in the +Springfield _Republican_. + +The story of the Revolution, as Mr. Fiske tells it, is one of surpassing +interest. His treatment is a marvel of clearness and comprehensiveness; +discarding non-essential details, he selects with a fine historic +instinct the main currents of history, traces them with the utmost +precision, and tells the whole story in a masterly fashion. His little +volume will be a text-book for older quite as much as for young +readers.--_Christian Union._ + + +_SCUDDER'S George Washington._ + +Mr. Scudder's biography of Washington is a fit companion volume for Mr. +Fiske's little history. It tells the story of the great patriot, +soldier, and statesman with simplicity, sincerity, and completeness. It +is not too much to say of these books that they ought to be put into the +hands of every boy and girl, not only because of that which they +contain, but because of the soundness of their form.--_Christian Union_ +(New York). + +Mr. Horace E. Scudder has executed a difficult task in a praiseworthy +manner. In spite of the innumerable lives of the first President, who +shall say anything new of his career and paint it in fresh colors? Mr. +Scudder has been able to do this, and his book will be welcomed by old +and young.--_Boston Beacon._ + + +_MERRIAM'S Birds through an Opera Glass._ + +A capital text-book of the right sort for young observers of Natural +History. By text-book we do not mean a formal school-book, but a book +with a clear method, a capital style, and adequate information. This +little volume describes all the birds to be found in our fields and +woods; describes them, not as an ornithological treatise, but as a +keen-eyed and thoroughly interesting observer would describe them. Such +a volume ought to be the companion of every intelligent boy and girl +during the summer.--_Christian Union_ (New York). + +The book is deserving of praise for its eminently practical nature. The +hints to observers with which it opens, the appendix giving the +classification of birds by general family characteristics, by +localities, by colors, by song, the books of reference, and the index, +all combine to make the book extremely useful.--_The Academy_ +(Syracuse). + +_GREENE'S Coal and the Coal Mines._ + +In the vehicle of the author's terse, vigorous language, the reader is +then taken down into the subterranean passages, where he is almost made +to see the operations of mining the fuel, so vividly and picturesquely +is the information conveyed. Interesting and valuable statistics are +quoted, amusing incidents are related, entertaining descriptions and +wise suggestions are given and made, and, taken altogether, though +dealing largely with what is essentially dry in its nature, the book +makes good reading for the old as well as the young.--_The American_ +(Philadelphia). + +All kinds of science and scientific information is, at this day, brought +down from its high points to the lower and more even ground of the young +student's understanding. This book is a good example of that truth. The +exhaustive theme of coal and coal mining is made so concise and simple +that a child can thoroughly comprehend it. The author covers the ground +of study in a simple and interesting way, and furnishes illustrations to +make the words clearer.--_New York School Journal._ + + +_MISS BAMFORD'S Up and Down the Brooks._ + +This is a book which it is a pleasure to read and a duty to praise. Miss +Bamford tells us of her rambles by the California brookside, and her +acquaintances made there; of their habits, their transformations, death +and burial, or happier release after a period of observation by the +captor.... On the whole, we do not know among recent books any more +likely to give pleasure to the nature-loving boy or girl, or more +calculated to stimulate the taste for healthy recreation and good +reading.--_The Nation_ (New York). + +A charming book, full of most fascinating details in the lives of +little-known insects, and opening a rich field of study and interest, +accessible to every country child. It cannot be too highly recommended +to parents. The author has sought out her own subjects, and studied for +herself, and her results are delightful.... We would put the book into +the hands of every girl and boy.--_Epoch_ (New York). + + +_MISS LARCOM'S Recollections of Girlhood._ + +Its unaffected, sincere, pungent style is refreshing indeed after the +introspection, the smirking self-consciousness, the willful mannerisms, +which make of so many autobiographies little more than a pose before a +mirror. More than all, as a vivid, tenderly sympathetic yet +uncompromisingly truthful picture of phases of New England life, in home +and at work, which have now practically ceased to be, the book has a +permanent, one may say an historical value.--_Boston Advertiser._ + +The story is one that will aid other girls to make the most of their +opportunities, and help them in understanding the real value of life. It +is a book that every girl will be better for having read.--_Boston +Herald._ + + +HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN & COMPANY, + +4 PARK ST., BOSTON; 11 EAST 17TH ST., NEW YORK. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Girls and Women, by +Harriet E. Paine (AKA E. 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Chester. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + p { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + hr.smler { width: 10%; } + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + text-indent: 0px; + } /* page numbers */ + + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + + .right {text-align: right;} + .left {text-align: left;} + .tbrk { margin-top: 2.75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em;} + + .poem {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; text-align: left;} + .poem br {display: none;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem div {display: block; margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + + /* index*/ + + div.index ul { list-style: none; } + div.index ul li span.mono {font-family: monospace;} + + // --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +Project Gutenberg's Girls and Women, by Harriet E. Paine (AKA E. Chester} + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Girls and Women + +Author: Harriet E. Paine (AKA E. Chester} + +Release Date: January 15, 2007 [EBook #20362] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GIRLS AND WOMEN *** + + + + +Produced by Curtis Weyant, Martin Pettit and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by Case Western Reserve University Preservation Department +Digital Library) + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<h3>The Riverside Library for Young People</h3> + +<hr class="smler" /> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Number 8</span></p> + +<h1>GIRLS AND WOMEN</h1> + +<h2><span class="smcap">By E. CHESTER</span></h2> + +<h3>(Harriet E. Paine)</h3> + +<p class="center"><img src="images/logo.png" width='118' height='150' alt="Publisher's logo" /></p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p class="center">BOSTON AND NEW YORK<br />HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN AND COMPANY<br /> +The Riverside Press, Cambridge<br />1890</p> + +<hr class="smler" /> + +<p class="center"><i>Copyright, 1890,</i><br /><span class="smcap">By HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN & CO.</span></p> + +<p class="center"><i>All rights reserved.</i></p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p class="center"><i>The Riverside Press, Cambridge, Mass., U. S. A.</i><br /> +Electrotyped and Printed by H. O. Houghton & Company.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h2><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS</h2> + +<div class="index"> +<ul> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#I">I.</a></span> <span class="smcap">An Aim in Life</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#II">II.</a></span> <span class="smcap">Health</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#III">III.</a></span> <span class="smcap">A Practical Education</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#IV">IV.</a></span> <span class="smcap">Self-Support.—Shall Girls support themselves?</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#V">V.</a></span> <span class="smcap">Self-Support.—How shall Girls support themselves?</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#VI">VI.</a></span> <span class="smcap">Occupations for the Rich</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#VII">VII.</a></span> <span class="smcap">Culture</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#VIII">VIII.</a></span> <span class="smcap">The Essentials of a Lady</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#IX">IX.</a></span> <span class="smcap">The Problem of Charity</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#X">X.</a></span> <span class="smcap">The Essentials of a Home</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#XI">XI.</a></span> <span class="smcap">Hospitality</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#XII">XII.</a></span> <span class="smcap">Bric-à-brac</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#XIII">XIII.</a></span> <span class="smcap">Emotional Women</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#XIV">XIV.</a></span> <span class="smcap">A Question of Society</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#XV">XV.</a></span> <span class="smcap">Narrow Lives</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#XVI">XVI.</a></span> <span class="smcap">Conclusion.—A Miscellaneous Chapter</span></li> +<li><span class="mono"> <a href="#ADVERTISEMENTS">ADVERTISEMENTS</a></span> </li> +</ul> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span></p> + +<h1>GIRLS AND WOMEN.</h1> + +<hr class="smler" /> + +<h2><a name="I" id="I"></a>I.</h2> + +<h3>AN AIM IN LIFE.</h3> + +<p>For the sake of girls who are just beginning life, let me tell the +stories of some other girls who are now middle-aged women. Some of them +have succeeded and some have failed in their purposes, and often in a +surprising way.</p> + +<p>I remember a girl who left school at seventeen with the highest honors. +Immediately we began to see her name in the best magazines. The heavy +doors of literature seemed to swing open before her. Then suddenly we +heard no more of her. A dozen years later she was known to no one +outside her own circle. She was earning her living as book-keeper in a +large five-cent store! She led the life of a drudge, and that was not +the worst of it. She was a sensitive woman, and there was much that was +mortifying in her position. All her Greek and Italian books were packed +away. She knew no more of science than when she left school. At odd +minutes she read<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span> good novels, and that was all she had to do with +literature. Those who had expected much of her thought her life was a +failure, and she thought so too.</p> + +<p>Yet there is another side to the picture. The aim she had set for +herself in life was not to be an author, though that idea had taken +strong hold on her, and she tried to realize it in spite of great +discouragements. This was her minor aim, but the grand aim with her had +always been to lead the divine life at whatever cost. It proved to cost +almost everything. Her utmost help was needed for her large family, +which was poor. Unusual as her success with editors had been, no girl of +seventeen could depend on a large income from magazines. A good salary +was offered her as book-keeper, and she accepted it.</p> + +<p>She tried to continue her favorite occupation by rising early, but she +was not strong enough to go on long in that way. She sometimes had an +hour in the evening, but when she saw the wistful look in her mother's +face she would not shut herself up alone. At the rare times when she was +still free to choose she went back to her books and her pen, but she +could not do much, and at last she felt it would be better not to try. +It was simply a source of vexation, and she needed a serene mind above +all things.</p> + +<p>The only way her life could open towards beauty or happiness at all was +by putting the true spirit<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span> into her daily work. With a resolute heart +she did this. No books were ever more beautifully kept than hers; every +figure was clear and perfect; every column was added without a mistake. +In short, she did her work like an artist.</p> + +<p>To the sales-girls she was like a guardian angel. She might have written +good stories all her life without helping others half so much. Little, +weak, frivolous girls became strong, fine women simply from daily +contact with her. She did not realize that. She only knew that she loved +the girls and that they loved her. She did know that she helped her +family—with her money. Her spirit helped them unconsciously still more.</p> + +<p>When at last she gave up the minor aim of her life, and no longer tried +to be learned or famous, she had her energies set free for many little +things which had previously been crowded out. It was easy now to find a +leisure hour to help any one who needed sympathy. There was time to +watch the beauty of the sunset or of the falling snow. If she had no +time to scramble through a volume of a new poet, she could still learn +line by line some favorite old poem, and let it sink into her heart, so +that it did its work thoroughly. If she could not find time to learn the +history of all the artists from the time of Phidias to the last New York +exhibition, yet when a beautiful picture was before her she could look +at it thoughtfully without feeling that she must hurry on to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span> the next. +In this way, perhaps, she gained a more absolute culture than in the way +she would have chosen, a culture of thought and character which told on +every one who came near her.</p> + +<p>She was always climbing up towards God, and his help never failed her. +The climbing was hard, yet the pathway was radiant with light. Those who +were stumbling along in the darkness by her side saw the light and were +able to walk erect.</p> + +<p>I cannot say she was altogether happy with so many of her fine powers +unused. Perhaps she was not even quite right in sacrificing herself +completely. Sometimes she fostered selfishness in others while she tried +to cast it out of herself. But so far as she could see she had no +choice. If she had refused the sacrifice, it would have been by giving +up the grand aim of her life. Her minor aim was good in itself, but it +conflicted with something better. Those who did not know her life +intimately thought it a failure. Those who saw deeper knew that her +utter failure in what was non-essential had been the condition of +essential success.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>I remember another brilliant girl who did win her way. She was poor and +plain and friendless, but she won wealth and fame and friends, and then, +with all this success, she blossomed into beauty. She had a struggle, +but she came out<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span> victorious. I think she was happy. She was glad to be +beautiful and to be loved. She had music and pictures and travel in +abundance, and she appreciated these things. She liked to give to the +poor, and she did give bountifully and with a grace and sweetness better +than the gift.</p> + +<p>She painted pictures which everybody admired, and that pleased her. She +had dreamed of all this when a child. She had genius and she had +perseverance. Her aim was to be a famous artist, and she did not flinch +from any work or sacrifice which would help her to that end. So far all +was well, and she reached the goal. As there was nothing to prevent her +carrying out secondary plans at the same time, she could be cultivated +and charitable without giving up her great object.</p> + +<p>She wanted to be good besides. She never deliberately decided for the +wrong against the right. And yet a noble life was not first in her +thoughts. When she was a school-girl she had a lover who was like a +better self. By and by he chose to study for the ministry, while she +went to the city to try her fortune. So far they shared every thought +and feeling and hope. She knew she was a better woman with him than with +any one else. But at last he was called to a remote country parish, and +for himself was satisfied with it. But she—how then could she be his +wife? Her heart was torn in the strife. Some women whose<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span> vision was +less keen would have married him, hoping that in some way they might +still carry out their own ambition. But she was at a critical point in +her career and she knew it. She had just begun to be known personally to +influential people, and her name was beginning to be known to the +public. She dared not risk leaving her post. She wrote her lover a +charming letter,—for she did love him,—and told him how it was. "When +I have won my victory," said she, "I shall be a free woman. And you will +love me just as much when I have more to give you than I have now. But +now I have my little talent confided to me, and I dare not fold it away +in a napkin." Her lover agreed to this, though it was hard for him. They +worked apart year after year. At last she was a free woman, with money +enough to live without work at all, and with fame enough to work when +and where she pleased. But gradually she cared less and less for the +objects of her lover's life. She would not own to herself that she had +failed in constancy to him. She always thought she was glad to see him +when he came to the city. But he felt the difference in her, though he +tried not to see it. She was far more beautiful than when he had first +loved her; but in the days when she was so plain and had worn shabby +dresses there had been an expression about her mouth which he missed +now. The lovely face was still eager with longing, but<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span> it had lost the +look of aspiration. Reluctantly, he admitted the change in her. At last +he told her what he felt, that she had ceased to love him. She had +deceived herself so far that she had not realized how idle her excuses +were for putting off the marriage from year to year. When the separation +came she felt a sharp pang—as much of mortification at her own failure +as of wounded love. Yet she consented to the separation, and she seemed +to be happy after it. She thought her life had been tragic, and that she +had made a heroic sacrifice of her love to the necessity which her +genius laid upon her to do a certain work in the world.</p> + +<p>I should be afraid to say that she was altogether wrong. There are, no +doubt, some women who are meant to serve the whole world rather than the +little domestic circle. And yet she did give up what she had believed +the best part of herself. And her pictures, though they were admired, +lacked an indescribable something of which her first crude sketches had +given promise. I do not think that, after all, they did very much to +interpret beauty to the world. She had two aims in life, both good, but +she placed the first second, and the second first. Perhaps, on the +whole, she was happier for the choice she made. But she missed something +better than happiness which is always missed by those who make the lower +aim their object—she missed the aspiration for higher happiness.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span>I have seen many successful lives led by women who as girls showed very +moderate abilities, simply because they had one definite aim. I knew a +girl who became an excellent actress. She was a pretty girl with a +little talent. She was not poor, but she had an ambition to be on the +stage. She had the good sense to see that she was not a genius, but she +also had courage enough to persevere in using the ability she had. For +the first ten years she made so little apparent headway that even among +her acquaintances many people did not know she had ever acted at all. In +the mean time she had studied hard. She knew many popular plays by +heart, and had carefully watched other actresses. She was acquainted +with a number of theatrical people. She had always been at hand when a +manager wanted an extra peasant girl, or when a waiting maid was ill. +She had joined a small troupe traveling through the bleakest and +roughest parts of the Northwest in midwinter. By and by she was fitted +to be of use in a stock company. Then, after a few more years, she +achieved what she had been striving for. She was able to take the +slighter characters in the plays of Shakespeare. No one excelled her +here. No great actress would take so small a part, and no small actress +was willing to take such pains. Her power was unique and she was +indispensable. Her name was seldom on the play-bills, but she added +something to the culture of the world by<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span> making the interpretation of +Shakespeare more complete.</p> + +<p>Her success came first from having a definite aim, and second, from +understanding herself sufficiently to aim at something within her power; +but happily it was also the highest thing within her power. She was both +humble and aspiring. She showed her humility in shrinking from no +drudgery, and satisfied her cravings for the ideal by doing the smallest +thing in the best way possible to her. She enjoyed even her drudgery +because she put the best of herself into it, but, more than that, she +knew it was leading her exactly in the direction she wanted to go. If +the drudgery had led to nothing she would have needed all the moral +power of our little book-keeper to save her from misery. Her own happier +life required some moral power, how much it is hard to say. A woman +might do all she did and be little the better for it. It would depend on +the aim she cherished in her heart. If she had no higher aim than to be +a good actress her life did not avail much. But if her acting was only +the minor aim, then her life was thoroughly noble as well as successful. +Her choice of a minor aim makes it probable that she also had the +highest aim. Otherwise she would have been either more or less humble. +She would either have wished to be a star actress or have been contented +with any trifling parts which brought her money and admiration.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span>The best happiness comes from our perseverance in following the grand +aim of life. But "the kind of happiness which we all recognize as such" +is generally that which comes from the successful pursuit of our minor +aim. Herbert Spencer says that every creature is happy when he is fully +using his powers. I have known a girl with a magnificent voice who +endured great hardships for a musical education, and who finally +accomplished her purpose and enchanted the world with her singing. She +was happy. Of course everybody expected her to be. But I have known +another girl, equally happy, carefully working in the laboratory to find +the water-tubes of a star-fish or the nerves of a clam. This girl said +to me with a face bright with enthusiasm, "When I first began to work +with Professor —— in the laboratory it was as if I had been traveling +all my life in a desert land, and had suddenly come upon fountains of +fresh water." She was as poor and obscure as my singer was rich and +famous, but she was using her powers and was happy.</p> + +<p>Of course the kind of happiness to be found even in secondary success +depends on the great aim of any life. In some cases it almost seems as +if the minor aim were the only one. The happiness it brings cannot go +very high, yet so far as a looker-on may judge it feels like happiness. +But most people—perhaps all, if we only knew it—do acknowledge the +grand aim in life, even<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span> though they make very little effort to reach +it. When they consciously neglect this for the minor aim, they are +uneasy and not thoroughly happy; but when the minor aim is good in +itself and is always made subservient to the higher, success there does +prove a well-spring of delight.</p> + +<p>Spencer's remark is also true in the best sense, for no powers crave +exercise so much as the higher powers. If my singer had done a sinful +deed no applause could have made her happy. And, on a lower plane, if +she had lost the husband she dearly loved, even her art would not have +satisfied her.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>It may seem as if I am choosing all my illustrations from among people +who have special gifts, and that nothing I say applies to the great army +of girls who will never be distinguished, and who are all the dearer for +not wishing to be so. I have not forgotten this, but I began with +striking illustrations because they are easiest to understand.</p> + +<p>The grand aim of life should be the same for all, whether gifted or not. +But the particular aim must vary with the individual. Probably with five +girls out of ten the particular aim is to have a happy home. Once we +might have said nine girls out of ten, but the present tendency of +thought is to make girls ambitious,—too ambitious, it sometimes seems, +for the very best of life.</p> + +<p>Of course selfishness shows itself in various<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span> ways, and the girl who +wishes to have a happy home without thinking how she shall make a happy +home may be more selfish than the girl who dreams of fame, but with the +understanding that the price of fame is, and ought to be, the giving of +some blessing to the world.</p> + +<p>I know a delightful girl who seems to think of nothing but making others +happy from the moment when she meets her maid with a cheerful +"Good-morning," till she contrives that some less attractive girl shall +have the most desirable partner in the ball-room in the evening. She +gives her money and her time and her thought to the service of other +people. This is so natural to her that no one thinks of her as making it +a conscious aim, but the result is so beautiful as to suggest that it +would be the best aim for every girl. Nevertheless she has a still +higher aim, for sometimes the happiness of other people—at least their +visible happiness—clashes with some other duty. Then she does not fail. +She gives her hard refusal in pleasant but firm words, and she tells the +truth even if it makes some one wince. She is not a genius, but, on the +whole, I hardly know another girl so full of the best life. That her +highest aim is the true one is without question, and that her minor aim +is the true one for her must also be admitted. Whether it is so for all +is not quite clear. She has the natural gift which makes all her +ministrations to others acceptable, but every one is not so endowed.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span>She has a cousin as unselfish as she is whose capacity is entirely +different. She is a quiet, reserved, thoughtful girl, who always speaks +slowly. She is just and good-tempered, and is ready to give her time and +money when she sees she can be of use. But her thoughts move in other +channels. She has excellent mathematical abilities, and she is always +resolving some difficult problem. She hopes some day to do some work in +astronomy. Of course she would be glad to do some great work and be +known as a benefactor to mankind, but probably she works from love of +her work more than from the hope of doing good. She, too, is charming, +but it takes a long time to know her well.</p> + +<p>Should one of these girls try to do the work of the other? Or is one +better than the other? I think not, since both look so steadily towards +the highest star in their field of vision. The minor aim of life must +always have reference to the gifts of the individual. Even visiting the +poor would become absurd if nobody did anything else.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>If we believe in an overruling Providence we cannot of course say that +anything is by chance; but so far as we can see, failure in this +world—that is, failure to reach our minor aim—does sometimes seem to +be due to a trifling accident. Yet success is not so. If Byron, for +instance,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span> awoke one morning and found himself famous, it was because he +had previously done the work which was suddenly recognized by the world. +Indeed, none of us need look for success who does not choose a definite +aim in life. And, more than that, no discouragement must turn us aside +from it. We may fail in the end then, but we shall have followed the +only possible path to success.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>How shall we choose our aim? We know what our grand aim must be, and +that if we do our part there we shall not fail, for we shall have God to +help us; and we know that our minor aim must never be opposed to this. +But what shall our minor aim be, or shall we be content to drift without +any at all?</p> + +<p>We must try to understand ourselves so far at least as to know what our +own powers and tastes are, and choose accordingly. A young girl hardly +knows her own bent. Then the uncertainty in regard to her marriage and +the great change that necessarily makes in her pursuits renders the +problem harder for her than for her brothers.</p> + +<p>Most girls wish to be the centre of a happy home, but many of them are +very careless about the means of making themselves fit to be such a +centre. They think when love comes it will do everything, and it is true +that it will do wonders. But suppose a girl remembers that if she is +well she can make her family happier then if<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span> she is always +ailing,—suppose she remembers how much good housekeeping does to make a +home attractive; that if she is musical her singing will calm the +troubled waters, while if she is not her practicing will be a burden; +that there are some studies which bear directly on life and some others +which will be of infinite use to a mother in training her children,—is +she not more likely to have a happy home than if her aim had been less +definite?</p> + +<p>But what of the girls who choose this aim and who never have a home? +Their lot is hard, but they may add happiness to some home not their +own. If they are not obliged to support themselves, they can probably +create some kind of a home for themselves, though not that of their +ideal. If they must earn their living, the problem is harder. +Circumstances may force them into a widely different path from that they +would have chosen. Then they must remember the grand aim of their lives, +and do the best work they can for the sake of it. Still, they may use +the home-making faculty in some measure in the humblest attic.</p> + +<p>But there is a large and ever larger class of girls with other tastes +than domestic ones. Here, I think, the danger is greater than in case of +even the most unfortunate girls with domestic tastes; for tastes and +talents do not always agree. We have all known girls willing to practice +six hours<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span> a day who could never be musicians, and most girls think they +could write a book. Many people who are quite free to choose make too +ambitious a choice. It seems a part of the office of culture to correct +such ambitions. I have in mind a class of half-taught school-girls many +of whom fondly hoped to be poetesses; and I remember a class of highly +cultivated girls, who had had every advantage of education which money +could buy, who were full of anxiety on leaving school because they could +not see that they had capacity enough to do any work worth doing in the +world. The general verdict among them was that as they had money they +could give it to the poor, but that they had nothing in themselves. They +were as much too timid as the others were too confident.</p> + +<p>A girl who has to earn her living has a safeguard, for which few are +very thankful. No one will pay her to indulge her tastes without +reference to her talents. She finds out gradually what <i>ought</i> to be her +minor aim, for she discovers the special service she can render to the +world in return for what it offers to her. In most cases she wins a +reasonable measure of success and happiness.</p> + +<p>But some of us are obstinate. We see one pathway we long to tread even +though it is beset with stones and briers. We are determined to take +that way, even if we never climb high enough to penetrate the low-lying +mists which<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span> darken it. We would rather pursue even a little way the +painful pathway which leads to the glorious mountain-top than to follow +an easier path to some lower summit. If we truly feel that, we do well +to take the path, for we have a right to forget ourselves for the sake +of our aim. But if we ask for success after all, it is mere blind vanity +which makes us so obstinate in our choice.</p> + +<p>Let us remember that our direct usefulness in the world and most of our +conscious happiness will depend on our choosing and steadily pursuing as +our minor aim that for which our nature fits us, even if we wish our +nature had been different; while our utmost usefulness and our highest +happiness will depend on our clearness of vision in seeing, and our +unwavering fidelity in following, the grand aim of life.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="II" id="II"></a>II.</h2> + +<h3>HEALTH.</h3> + +<p>Mr. Clapp says enthusiastically that we cannot imagine Rosalind or +Portia or Cordelia or Juliet with neuralgia or headache. And I believe +that Shakespeare's women have now taken the place of the more +lackadaisical and sentimental heroines of the past in the minds of many +girls.</p> + +<p>Now that girls wish to be well, it is worth while to consider two +questions. First, why is health so important? Unless the answer to this +question is clear, how can any one be ready to sacrifice health to any +higher duty? Girls do sacrifice it frequently even when they know what +they are doing, but it is generally for a caprice, because they want to +dance later or skate longer, or study unreasonably; or sometimes they +cannot resist the temptation of food which is not convenient for them, +or they are willing to indulge their nerves too much, or it is too much +trouble not to take cold.</p> + +<p>I wish every girl who knows that she does not live up to her light in +this respect would say to herself once a day for a month, "I ought to be +vigorously well if I want to do my part in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span> world, or to be in +thoroughly good spirits." I wish she would think of the meaning of what +she says, and then see if she does not do some things she is loth to do +and avoid some pleasing temptations. I believe a month's application of +this formula would give her a new insight into the value of health. I +speak not only of health, but of <i>vigorous</i> health. We want to do our +part in the world, and that part ought to be our utmost. Agassiz could +work fifteen hours a day. Most of us could never do anything so +magnificent as that, and the attempt to do it would probably end in our +being unfitted to do any work at all. But suppose Agassiz had said, +"Twelve hours is too much for most men to work, so I can afford to be +careless of my surplus health as long as I have strength to work twelve +hours." The world would not only have lost much in the matter of his +discoveries, but the spirit of all his work would have been different. I +do not mean that it was necessarily the best thing for Agassiz even to +work fifteen hours a day on fishes. He might have given part of his time +to music, or friends, or novels, because he saw that, on the whole, such +recreation met the higher needs of life. But I mean that he was a man to +whom a full life was possible for fifteen hours a day, and that he would +have been wrong to be satisfied with less.</p> + +<p>And now, second, <i>how</i> shall girls be thoroughly well? The laws of +health are few and simple.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span> They are so well understood by the parents +of this generation that it may seem a waste of time to allude to them +here. Yet I am writing for girls whose ideas are often vague.</p> + +<p>One word in regard to the study of Physiology. It is a fine study. If a +girl thoroughly understands how her body ought to work in health, how +one organ acts with another, then, in case of any local disturbance, she +will probably be capable of seeing how, if the general tone of the +system is raised, the particular difficulty will disappear, and she will +no longer follow blindly rules she has learned by rote. Yet people learn +more by practice than by theory, and it is probable that the fascinating +study of Physiology is of more use intellectually than physically to +most school-girls. If they are allowed to dwell much on diseases of the +body instead of on its normal action, the study may be a positive injury +to them by leading to morbid conditions.</p> + +<p>And now again, What are the essentials of health? Several things may be +regarded as equally necessary, so that I cannot lay down rules in +exactly the order of importance, yet it is purposely that I begin with</p> + +<p><i>Breathe fresh air.</i></p> + +<p>Food is important, but we can live hours without taking food, while we +must have air every moment. Moreover, the oxygen of the air actually +nourishes the body as food does, by forming a part of the blood.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span>How shall we get fresh air? First, by spending all the time possible out +of doors, both in summer and winter, in storm and sunshine. Every one +acknowledges the advantage of exercise in the open air for its own sake; +but in New England we have not yet learned how far it is possible to +live in the open air. I was once at a country-house in Switzerland which +illustrates this ideal. The breakfast-table was spread on a terrace +shaded by plane-trees, outside the dining-room door. The table was then +cleared and books and work brought out. The family devotions were +conducted there. The students studied and wrote, the ladies sewed and +knit, and the maids prepared the vegetables for dinner which was also +eaten there. For six months in the year this was the ordinary course of +life. It would not, to be sure, be possible in all climates, but oftener +than we think.</p> + +<p>Yet two thirds of our life must be passed in the house, and usually in +closed rooms on account of the cold. Now two persons cannot sit an hour +in one room before the air becomes vitiated. Most forms of ventilation +prove inadequate. M. was a vigorous young lady who made it a rule to +leave a window slightly open all the time she was at work, being careful +not to sit in the draught. But where this is not convenient, it is a +good plan to open a window wide every hour or two for a minute. I knew a +girl who tried that plan, but gave it up<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span> because it seemed so +ridiculous to jump up from her studies every little while for the +purpose. Yet nothing is worse than to sit still at one occupation for +several hours, and even the slight change of position would do one +almost as much good as the fresh air.</p> + +<p>It is indispensable to have the window open through the night in every +sleeping-room. But here caution is needed, because when the body is +quiet a draught is a serious injury. Strips of wood across the open part +of the window will generally be sufficient protection. Some of you +shiver at the idea of breathing out of door air in the winter. You are +so cold! Do you know that the moment you begin to breathe it you begin +to grow warm from the increased action of the blood? But</p> + +<p><i>Do not take cold.</i></p> + +<p>The results of colds are more serious than one likes to say. +Consumption, pneumonia, catarrh, deafness are some of their names. And +the whole tone of the system is lowered by them. But the over-careful +people are precisely those who suffer most from colds, because here, as +in so many other directions, the nerves have sway.</p> + +<p>Now, most colds are taken in one of four ways: By sitting in a draught, +by becoming thoroughly chilled, by wetting the feet, and by breathing +raw air. But none of these things are necessarily injurious to a young +girl in ordinary health—<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span><i>provided</i> she at once does what she can to +counteract their effects. Move out of the draught, warm the body as +thoroughly as it was chilled, dry the feet before sitting down, and +cover the mouth with a veil so that the air is slightly warmed before +breathing. Then one need never stay in for the weather, even if one +already has a cold.</p> + +<p>Of course there are very delicate girls who need special care, but I am +speaking to the average girl. Do not forget that a cold is a terrible +thing, but also remember that it can be avoided by a little care at the +right time, and by entire forgetfulness at other times.</p> + +<p><i>Take plenty of exercise.</i></p> + +<p>The more you can exercise in the open air the better. And if you take +exercise you will find it possible to be out of doors on very cold days. +If you are not strong on your feet, perhaps you are strong in the +muscles for rowing. If you cannot row, perhaps you can ride. If you +cannot ride, perhaps you can drive. If you cannot drive, perhaps you can +exercise in the gymnasium. If you cannot do any of these things, do what +you can. Walk from your door to the street and back again. Do the same +thing over in fifteen minutes, and unless you are a miserable <i>bonâ +fide</i> invalid your muscles will soon become more useful. Doing errands, +and going about to people who need you, will give you valuable exercise +for which you take no thought.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span>But some of you are too busy to exercise many hours a day in the open +air, and so you ought to be. The next best thing for you is housework. +Perhaps you do not like that because you see it under the wrong angle of +vision. Whether you like it or not, it is within reach of most of you, +and would do you good.</p> + +<p>But suppose your books and your sewing are necessary and keep you busy +all day. Then you are to remember to change your position often. At the +end of every hour, when you open the window, take a few deep breaths, +stretch your arms and legs and fingers, and you will be better able to +go on with your task.</p> + +<p><i>Eat such food as you can thoroughly digest.</i></p> + +<p>There are persons who are always troubled as to what they shall eat, and +who, with all their care, are always ailing. I do not want you to think +about your food so much that you can digest nothing, but I believe that +a very little observation will teach you what is good for you +individually. If you have a dizzy head, or rising of food, or a bad +breath, or uneasiness of the bowels, you may be pretty sure that you +have eaten something that disagrees with you, and by a little +watchfulness you may discover what it is and avoid it.</p> + +<p>Food that you can digest very well when you are fresh may be much too +heavy for you when you are tired. And if you are thinking intently while +you eat, the blood is drawn from the stomach<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span> where it should be to the +brain where it should not be. Few people can digest vegetables not +thoroughly cooked, or fruit not thoroughly ripe. I think the study of +Physiology is of more practical hygienic value in teaching the absolute +necessity of using food that can be readily assimilated by the body, and +in showing how different foods should be combined to that end, than in +any other way. A little fish or meat, especially beef, considerable +bread, especially of the coarser grains, some vegetables, and fruit +according to individual organizations, make up the necessary daily fare. +A tired stomach should begin with soup. As for the thousand appetizing +viands set before us, each must decide for herself what to eat. As long +as you have none of the symptoms of indigestion, it is probably safe to +gratify the appetite and take delight in food without further care; but +if these symptoms appear, think first whether you were too tired, or had +too busy a brain to digest anything; next, whether anything you ate was +unripe or underdone, and finally, whether there was anything in the bill +of fare which had ever troubled you before. Then correct your future +practice accordingly, and think no more about it. Depend upon it, you +will soon be well, and, further, you will find, with mortification +perhaps, that some of the headaches you thought came from overtaxing the +brain, or from sensibility to the woes of the world, were really due to +improper food. As<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span> compensation for your mortification you will be a +more useful woman for your whole life.</p> + +<p><i>Work regularly with both body and mind.</i></p> + +<p>Those who must work for self-support are probably, on the whole, in +better health than those who are free from necessity. A girl who stands +all day behind a counter runs some risks in health, but her chances are +still as good as those of the fine lady who broods over imaginary +ailments till they become real. To those who must work I have but little +to say, for they have a narrow margin of choice. There are several +suggestions to be made, however. If your work is physical, use a little +of your leisure every day in some mental occupation. The best thing is +to do some real studying. If you can only spend fifteen minutes every +day on history or literature or botany or French, you will find yourself +the better for it bodily, because it will give you an outlook beyond the +daily horizon, and take your thoughts from your own weariness. If you +have no leisure, or if your work is so exhausting that even fifteen +minutes of study seems burdensome, then keep some interesting novel of +good tone at hand, and read a little in that every day to change the +current of your thoughts. If you find, however, that you usually have +more than an hour for your novel, you may suspect that fifteen minutes +of study would not hurt you.</p> + +<p>Do you know that you are never resting when<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span> you are thinking that you +are tired? When you are tired rest at once, if you can, by sitting or +lying down, or taking recreation, as experience has shown you to be +best. But then think no more about it. Perhaps you may be overworking. +If you truly believe this and see any possibility of saving yourself, do +so, even if you have to give up something which seems particularly +important. If you <i>must</i> overwork,—and there are such cases, though +they are not so common as we think,—accept the condition as a part of +the discipline of life, rest whenever you can, and say and think as +little about it as you can. This advice is to save you from one form of +the nervous diseases which are the peculiar misfortune of our time.</p> + +<p>If your work is sedentary take physical exercise in your leisure +time,—out of doors, if possible; but remember that housework is the +best substitute for that.</p> + +<p>The women who are not obliged to work are those who most need this +precept. They can drive, and by and by they cannot walk. They can lie on +the lounge when they feel indisposed, and they lie there long after they +would get up if they had any work to do. They have the best chance for +complete physical development, but they have great temptations to +neglect their opportunities. Among the sweetest of such women there is +an alarming amount of nervous disease, which is, alas! at the foundation +a refined selfish<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span>ness. To speak plainly, as one has said, we are all as +lazy as we dare to be, and these women have no check upon laziness. No +power of body or mind can be preserved without exercise, and the muscles +grow soft, and the moral fibre grows weak. These women are lovely, they +speak in gentle voices, and they never use a harsh word, but they rule +all about them with a rod of iron. Dr. Weir Mitchell, in his blunt way, +says that nervous diseases among women have destroyed the happiness of +more families than intemperance.</p> + +<p>By and by the invalid cannot rally even if she has the will, but it is +hard to decide where responsibility ends. If your mothers or your aunts +are nervous invalids, do not judge them. Causes may have been at work +which you cannot see. Pity their terrible misfortune, and do all you can +to make them happy. But you, who have the added light of another +generation, are inexcusable if you fall into such a state.</p> + +<p>How can you avoid it? It is easy to say, "Do not talk about your +headaches, or your delicate constitution;" but how are you to help +thinking about these things? Decide on regular daily work for +yourselves. If you are still school-girls and your head feels heavy in +the morning, think whether you would be justified in staying at home if +you were a teacher. Teachers have headaches too, but they seldom stay at +home for one, and they are seldom the worse for going to school.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>When you leave school undertake some regular work. Take charge of the +marketing, or oversee the housekeeping for a year. Ask the officers of +the Associated Charities to give you something definite to do, and do it +regularly. If you are not fitted for visiting the poor, suppose you make +experiments in natural science. See what Lubbock did with ants, bees, +and wasps. There are thousands of such experiments to be tried, but few +people have the leisure for them. You may not understand your results, +but you can make the accurate observations which are absolutely +necessary before a great man can find out the laws which govern them.</p> + +<p>Some mental work you must do. Of course you wish that. If you are in a +city like Boston, I will tell you what you will be tempted to do. You +will be tempted to sandwich your parties and calls and concerts with two +or three courses of morning lectures given by highly trained +specialists. In this way you will get a delightful society knowledge of +history and literature and art and science, but you will not really +exercise your mind very much. Your knowledge will be available for talk, +but not for thought. Go to the lectures by all means,—though perhaps +one course at a time will do; but be sure that every day at a fixed hour +you study the subject of the lecture by yourself, and make it thoroughly +your own.</p> + +<p>Am I wandering from the topic of health? I<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span> think not, because during +the last fifty years we have learned almost all the laws of health, and +yet we are not much better than before, for our nerves are still on +edge. Now girls, even rich girls, can control their nerves, if they +begin soon enough, with will and intelligence. And nothing will help +them more than to have their bodies and minds constantly employed in +rational ways so that there is no room for nervous fancies.</p> + +<p><i>Take the rest you need.</i></p> + +<p>It is hard to know how much you need. Some people must have more than +others. It is easy to be lazy on the one hand, and to be dissipated on +the other. Some people are injured by springing out of bed as soon as +they wake, and others by letting the time drift by while they doze. Some +one gives this good rule, "Decide when you ought to rise to make the +best use of your day. Make a point of rising at that time; but go to bed +earlier and earlier till you find out how much sleep you need in order +to be fresh at that hour in the morning." Such a rule would meet most +cases, but not all; for though regularity is as important for health as +for a wise life, it cannot be an iron regularity, especially if a girl +is at all delicate. I would give more flexible rules, though it is +harder to keep flexible rules than iron ones.</p> + +<p>I have said before that when you are tired you should rest at once, if +you can. Rest completely, but not long. Half an hour on the sofa is +gen<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span>erally enough. Rise early, because an extra hour in the morning can +be better used than one later in the day, and if duties crowd you get +tired in remembering what you cannot do. But if you are not fresh in the +morning, go to bed earlier. If that does not meet the case, your +weariness probably comes from some other cause than insufficient rest. +Perhaps your room is not well ventilated, or you may suffer from +indigestion, or you may exercise your brain too much and your body too +little. If you sit over books or sewing all day, you will always be +tired however many hours you sleep. Most girls from fifteen to twenty +need about nine hours sleep. If you wish to rise at six, you ought to be +in bed at nine.</p> + +<p>A few, a very few, of you must be invalids. You may have inherited a +wasting disease, an accident may have crippled you, or something else +beyond your control may have brought this misfortune upon you. But most +of you have it in your power to be well, and remember you will be doing +something morally wrong if you become feeble women.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="III" id="III"></a>III.</h2> + +<h3>A PRACTICAL EDUCATION.</h3> + +<p>What is a practical education for a girl? Whatever will fit her for +life. The question and answer are trite. What will best fit a girl for +life? First of all a well-balanced character. I knew a girl who was a +good cook before she was ten years old; she had a genius for sewing; she +was an excellent scholar in school, and had musical talent, and yet +because of her capriciousness she never filled any place she was called +upon to fill in life, and her home was a place of discomfort to her +husband and children. Another girl, one of the noblest I ever knew, also +found the practical details of life easy, but she was always tossed +about from one occupation to another, and from one home to another, +because when she found every reality fall short of her ideal she had not +the good sense to work quietly to improve the matter, but went about +proclaiming her disgust. The first thing we all need is to have our +wills so trained that when we see the right, we may instantly do it, and +after that we need to be taught to see clearly what is right.</p> + +<p>But as character may be formed in many ways<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> why not form it by teaching +practical things? What, then, does a girl most need to learn?</p> + +<p>To read, to cook, and to sew.</p> + +<p>I put reading first, for though no civilized beings can live without +cooking and sewing, and we occasionally find good and gentle women who +cannot read, yet a woman of real character who can read can teach +herself any branch of housekeeping which she is convinced she ought to +know, while a cook cannot teach herself to read in any broad sense; for +by reading I do not mean pronouncing words. I want a girl to have a +taste for good reading. She may study the whole circle of the sciences +without reaching this end, or she may not have more than half a dozen +books in her library and yet learn the lesson. The practical advantage +of most of her studies in school depends on whether or no they lead to +this result. How many girls ever use chemistry, or physics, or geology, +or zoölogy in any practical way? Yet what a difference the study of all +these things makes in the kind of reading women enjoy! Who can learn +enough history in school to be equipped even to teach history? Every +teacher knows that to be impossible. But a girl who has studied history +properly in school, who has been taught to think about the influence of +men on nations and of nations on men, has open to her a vast +treasure-house of books which will add both to her usefulness and happiness.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span>Some of you may think it is artful in me to propose this broad education +under the pretense of requiring that one learn to read, but it is not +so. I do believe in a very broad education for girls; but if I had to +choose between a broad education which had crammed a girl with +knowledge, yet left her without a love for good reading, and a very +narrow one which had awakened that thirst, I should choose the second.</p> + +<p>But why do I call this a practical education? Before I answer the +question, I must say more on the subject of reading. A girl may enjoy +biography, history, travels, and science and yet not have a taste for +the best reading, that is, for true literature. She needs essays, +novels, and especially poetry. She needs to be able to decide what is +best and what is not; she must learn to respond to beauty and truth, and +to repel what is false and ugly. This is the practical education, +because it bears upon both happiness and character. It is practical as +it makes the most of life not only for the woman herself, but for those +about her. Bear in mind always that we have supposed her to have a high +character and a perfectly trained will. Such reading will develop her +judgment as to what is right.</p> + +<p>But some women like to read too well. Their will is not perfectly +trained, and they would rather think out a domestic problem than act it +out. The education of books alone is so one-sided that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span> we cannot +consider it practical; it must be supplemented by cooking and sewing.</p> + +<p>At our present stage of progress cooking is more important than sewing. +Sewing can be more easily put out of the house than cooking; and in any +emergency sewing may be neglected from week to week without serious +consequences, while cooking must go on every day. Moreover, cooking is +by far the more healthful occupation, and one of the aims of a practical +education is to make healthy women.</p> + +<p>I do not glorify cooking. I do not think a good cook is the highest type +of woman. I do not even think it is the duty of every woman to cook. But +cooking is certainly practical, ninety-nine women in a hundred have +occasion some time in their lives for this accomplishment, and if they +are married it is nearly indispensable for them to have a knowledge of +it for the comfort of their families.</p> + +<p>Few women are born to be cooks, but most intelligent women can learn to +cook. It saves immense labor, however, if as girls they learn the art. +It is singular that so many who fancy they want to be chemists hate the +idea of going into their own kitchens to work. It is possibly because +they cannot choose their own hours for cooking. Cooking certainly +develops the mind as much as chemical experiments, and at the end of the +process you have something of direct service to man<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span>kind, which may or +may not be the case with work done in the laboratory.</p> + +<p>Cooking, sewing, and housekeeping are essential for any woman, married +or unmarried, who wishes to make a home, and a home is the practical +goal of the majority of women. A woman who is neat and intelligent +generally proves to be a good housekeeper without special instruction; +but with cooking and sewing, "Who wishes to be a master must begin +betimes."</p> + +<p>Arithmetic is a science which a girl needs to understand thoroughly—not +necessarily business arithmetic, which she can learn if occasion +requires, but the principles of arithmetic, and she should be able to +work in numbers quickly and accurately.</p> + +<p>The tide of opinion is against me here. A boy must know arithmetic of +course, or how can he fulfill his destiny and make money? But a girl! +Nevertheless, no woman can manage a household properly, or even guide +her own affairs as a single woman, without a good knowledge of +arithmetic. Her money will be wasted, her servants will cheat her, +tradespeople will be demoralized by her. There may be so much money at +her command that she goes on serenely unaware of harm. She may perform +feats of charity, but what was meant to be a blessing becomes a curse +through her ignorance.</p> + +<p>A millionaire who meant to give his daughter<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span> every advantage began as +usual with a French nurse and a German maid and a music master who could +command a fabulous price, while he engaged an artist of distinction to +oversee her untidy attempts at drawing. At last he remembered that she +ought to have a teacher in English, and a lady was engaged to teach +grammar and literature and history. "And arithmetic?" she asked. "A +little, perhaps. Girls need very little."</p> + +<p>The millionaire's daughter came to take her lesson—a bright, handsome +girl, full of good nature. "I hate arithmetic, you know," she said +confidingly, shrugging her shoulders and puckering her brows. "And then, +what's the good of it for a girl?"</p> + +<p>The teacher did not argue the question, but began her task. "If thirteen +yards of ribbon cost $3.25, how much will one yard cost?" As doing this +problem in her mind was quite out of Miss Malvina's power, she was +allowed paper and pencil. She wrinkled her forehead, curled her lip, +looked up and laughed, "I haven't the faintest idea, don't you know?" A +few judicious questions led her to see the necessity of dividing $3.25 +by 13, and she went to work. After a season of struggle her countenance +cleared. "Upon my word, I've got the answer—25!" "Twenty-five what?" +"Twenty-five—why—twenty-five dollars!" "Wouldn't that be rather high +for rib<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span>bon?" asked the teacher. "Oh, I don't know," replied Miss +Malvina carelessly. "I'll tell you," she added triumphantly; "I should +tell them to give me the best, and I suppose they would know what I +ought to pay." This is hardly an extreme case. In the public schools the +girls still learn arithmetic,—perhaps they spend too much strength upon +it for the practical mastery they get; but in private schools the best +of teachers find it almost impossible to give girls a working knowledge +of the subject, because the tide of feeling is so strong against it.</p> + +<p>By and by Miss Malvina's father found himself having trouble with his +workmen. There were strikes. The family received threatening letters. +Malvina's rosy cheeks grew pale. "I don't know what they want," she said +forlornly. "They say we are all so extravagant. I don't know what +difference that makes to them if we pay for what we buy. We never hurt +them. I wish we were not rich at all. It would be much nicer to be poor. +I should like to be a—what is it?—a commoner—or a communist or +something. Then nobody would be envious."</p> + +<p>Now there was not a more generous girl in the world than Malvina. If she +had been afloat on a raft after a shipwreck she would have been the one +to give up her last ration of water to any one who needed it more. She +was ready to pour out money in any case of distress, but she had no +idea<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span> of its value, and none of her charities prospered, except so far +as her rosy, good-natured face could be seen, for that, to be sure, did +good like a medicine.</p> + +<p>And she was not a stupid girl, though certainly not brilliant in +mathematics. If she had been taught that arithmetic is positively needed +by every girl, rich or poor, she could have learned all she needed to +know of figures to make her life a blessing to hundreds of people whom +she only injured for lack of such knowledge.</p> + +<p>A vast amount of the daily comfort of people of narrow means depends on +the understanding the mother of a family has of accounts, so that the +real needs and pleasures may be provided for without the contraction of +debt. In a rich family the burden of the mother's incapacity for figures +does not fall directly on those dearest to her, but it has unconsciously +a far greater weight in the world at large, and is one of the chief +among the unrecognized elements causing the increasing bitterness +between the rich and the poor.</p> + +<p>Let every girl, rich or poor, be required to keep her own accounts +accurately from the time she is old enough to have an allowance of even +ten cents a month, and there would be a perceptible amelioration in some +of the hardest of present conditions.</p> + +<p>I believe that some music should be included in a practical +education,—certainly if a girl has a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span> taste for it. The ability to sing +hymns and ballads, and to play accompaniments well, adds so much to the +happiness of a woman herself, and usually to that of her family, that it +ought to be considered as something more than an accomplishment. I +should not wish to be understood as limiting a musical education to +these requirements. I should like to have every girl carry her education +as far as she can without neglecting duties she feels more important. +Even when she has no musical talent, but merely a love for music, though +she cannot give much pleasure to others, I think she may get an +elevation of mind from stumbling through Beethoven and Wagner which is +worth the time she spends. Still, I think singing is of more practical +use than instrumental music, and the power to play simple things well +which is so rare is in most cases more to the purpose than to stumble +through Beethoven and Wagner.</p> + +<p>Drawing is practical as it trains the eye and hand, but unpractical if +it leads a girl to think her commonplace pictures are works of art. It +seems to me that a good way for girls to study art is for them to look +at good pictures with older people who have taste and judgment, because +this gives them new resources of enjoyment. Of course when a girl has +special talent she needs the training which will give her the power to +produce, but this chapter is devoted to the general education of girls.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span>Every girl should study at least one science. Science trains the mind in +a different way from other studies. And one science sheds light on all +the rest. Then, anything which puts cheap pleasures within our reach is +a safeguard and a blessing. The happiness of life is no light thing, and +those who have tested it know how much simple happiness comes from the +pursuit of botany or ornithology or mineralogy.</p> + +<p>It would be a great thing if every woman could be so well educated that +she could teach her own children, at least the main branches, up to the +time when they are twelve years old. This is by no means saying that it +is not well for many children to be sent to school, but it is calling +attention to a great privilege which some mothers and some children may +enjoy. What ought a woman to be able to teach her children? To read, in +the broad sense, to write a legible hand, and to speak correctly. She +ought to be able to teach them arithmetic, and also the rudiments of one +science, to give them in early life the right outlook upon the world +around them. She ought particularly to be able to give them fine +manners, but these belong to the moral training which was spoken of at +the beginning of the chapter. They do bear, however, on that part of the +social life which may not be distinctly moral, but which is of high +practical importance to one's success in life, as well as to one's +happiness.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span> Many of the noblest women are shy and awkward except with +their special friends, and so are unfitted for practical life. Mothers +should remember this and make a determined effort to give children the +practice of meeting many people, though, of course, the kind of people +and the conditions under which they are to be met require careful +consideration.</p> + +<p>As for the entirely moral qualities which contribute most to what is +usually called success in the world, they are probably courage, good +temper, thoughtfulness for others, perseverance, and trustworthiness.</p> + +<p>And all this time I have said nothing of any use to be made of education +in earning a living. Yet is not that just what our education must do if +it is to be practical? I do not ignore this, and shall have more to say +of self-support elsewhere. But on the principle that we eat to live +rather than live to eat, I think even from a practical standpoint the +full development of a woman is of more consequence than the amount of +money she can earn. As far as the mere living goes, a practical woman +can live better on a little money than an unpractical one on much. When +her practicality comes from the high quality of her character, she will +lead the best possible life whether she be rich or poor, and I believe +the kind of culture I have outlined in this chapter will do something to +add happiness to goodness and usefulness.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="IV" id="IV"></a>IV.</h2> + +<h3>SELF-SUPPORT.—SHALL GIRLS SUPPORT THEMSELVES?</h3> + +<p>I Once knew an agreeable girl whose great failing was her self-conceit. +She was sure she could do everything anybody could do. As she did not +look down on other people's efforts, she was amusing rather than +annoying. She was always ready to write a poem, or sing a song, or paint +a picture, and as she was a society girl and lived in a grand house, her +little doings were often favorably mentioned in the local papers, so she +may be pardoned for believing she had a variety of talents, though +nobody who read her poems or heard her songs agreed with her.</p> + +<p>Then came a crisis in her affairs. She was thrown on her resources +without a moment's warning. She had to earn her living or starve. She +had plenty of energy, and was willing to work. She took a rapid review +of her powers. Then the scales fell from her eyes. She felt very +doubtful if there was one among her accomplishments which would furnish +bread for her. She would have said that all her conceit was gone. But<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span> +it was not so. As her need was so urgent, she tried to find work first +in one way and then in another. She was prepared to have the editors +reject her manuscripts, and she was not surprised that she could not +sell her pictures; but it was amazing to be told that her grammar and +spelling were faulty, and it was hard to see the amusement in the faces +of the art-dealers when they regarded her most cherished paintings.</p> + +<p>No woman can earn a living without some mortifying experiences, but the +more conceited she is the more such experiences she meets, because she +is inclined to attempt things preposterously beyond her. So this poor +girl who had always held her head high was snubbed by everybody; she was +told the truth with brutal frankness, and in time she learned her +lesson. She was not a dull girl nor a weak girl. There was one thing she +could do well at the outset, though she had so little discrimination in +regard to herself that it did not occur to her that this would be her +lever for moving the world. She was a beautiful housekeeper.</p> + +<p>She remembered this finally and acted accordingly. I cannot say that she +enjoyed her experience with a series of widowers, but she did her work +well and was paid for it. She also had a talent—strange to say it was +for drawing. She did not realize this either, for she could not +discriminate enough to see that her amateur work as an artist was at all +different from her amateur<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span> singing and playing. At first she had +thought she could do everything well, and then she thought she could do +nothing well. But by slow degrees, and through much tribulation, she +began to set her faculties in order, and when she found her germ of a +talent she cultivated it. Ten years later she was able to support +herself as an engraver.</p> + +<p>By this time her one fault had vanished. She was simple and modest and +self-respecting, while she retained the courage and cheerfulness which +had made her attractive as a girl. "If you wish to cure a girl of +conceit," she once said to a friend, "let her try to earn her living. As +long as she does not ask to be paid, everybody will praise her work, but +let her offer to sell her services and then see!"</p> + +<p>I have not told this story to discourage girls who wish to be +independent, but to show them the difficulties in their way. There is no +doubt that every girl should be able to support herself. This very case +makes it clear. But it does not seem to me equally clear that every girl +should support herself, and certainly, if she does, it requires great +judgment to select the way.</p> + +<p>Fifty years ago women were very dependent, but now many avenues are open +to them, and perhaps they have been urged almost too much to earn their +own living. I will therefore speak of some circumstances in which it +seems to me a girl is to be excused from that.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span>1. If she is rich, I think there are two objections to her earning +money. One is trite and has been often answered. She should not take the +bread out of the mouths of those who need it. I do not think this a very +strong objection, because every one who works and produces anything adds +to the wealth of the world, and sets others free to work for new ends. +But one can do good service, without working for money, and, in point of +fact, a woman who chooses any of the common ways of earning money +usually does shut out some one else.</p> + +<p>To illustrate: I knew two school-girls who were classmates, both +excellent girls. Martha was the best scholar in school. Lucy was rather +dull, though not conspicuously so. Martha wished to teach, as her mother +was a widow and poor. She applied for a situation in a neighboring town, +but was told that some one had been before her, and though the matter +was not then decided, the school was at last given to the first-comer, +who proved to be Lucy. Lucy's father was a well-to-do merchant whose +name was known to the committee, and this settled the question. Lucy +herself was quite innocent. She had no wish to interfere with Martha. +Nor had she any special wish to teach. But she wanted a new silk dress, +and she thought she should like to earn it. Her friends said she showed +the right spirit and encouraged her. Martha and her mother suffered the +most pinching poverty while Lucy was earning her dress, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span> when Martha +at last found a place she proved to be a wonderful teacher, while Lucy +was a commonplace one. It might, of course, have been the other way. If +Lucy had been the gifted girl, then she certainly ought to have used her +gifts, but not necessarily for money.</p> + +<p>This is one of many instances which lead me to think that if girls who +are rich try to earn money they crowd out those who are poorer. They do, +however, gain some things so valuable as almost to offset this +objection; for instance, they are cured of conceit. I shall return to +this subject.</p> + +<p>The other objection to the earning of money by the rich is, that there +is so much work to be done in the world which cannot in the nature of +things be done by those who have to earn their living, that the rich +cannot be spared for ordinary occupations. I shall give a special +chapter to the work of the leisure classes.</p> + +<p>2. There are many families of moderate means where one daughter, at +least, can be supported at home without great sacrifices on the part of +any one. This is true of almost every family where a servant is kept, +for a mother and daughter together can usually do the work of a family +more quickly and better than the mother and a servant. Now, if a girl +has domestic tastes and is willing to work at home, it seems to me +better for her to stay there, even with very little money, than to try +to make herself independent elsewhere. If her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span> tastes are not domestic, +it changes the case entirely. Then let her go out and use the powers +which have been given her.</p> + +<p>3. A girl is sometimes needed at home by an invalid father or mother, or +she can help the children or make them happy. No general rule can be +laid down, because no two cases are alike, but it is often true that a +girl ought to give up not only earning money, but even using some of her +powers, for the sake of doing still better work at home. And there are +multitudes of instances in which she should not be urged to leave home +unless she wishes it.</p> + +<p>Practically a home life is a good preparation for marriage, which will +be the lot of most girls. But though it is a good preparation, it is not +the best. Every girl needs a broader outlook on life than she can get in +her own home. If she is rich she can choose her way of getting it, by +travel, or in charities, or even through society. But the best knowledge +of the world is gained through the attempt to support herself. If her +occupation takes her into new sections of country, it also develops her +just as travel might do.</p> + +<p>I am inclined to think that the ideal preparation for marriage would +demand half a dozen years between school and the wedding-day, divided +into three parts, given in order to a home life, to self-support, and to +travel.</p> + +<p>It is often said that a girl ought actually to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span> support herself before +she can be fitted to do so in case of an emergency. I remember the +daughter of a wealthy man who went into a counting-room and worked +several years for this reason. Her father said that as soon as she could +live on the income she earned he thought the experiment would have +succeeded and she might return home. At first it seemed as if it never +would succeed. She was a good accountant and earned a fair salary. But +she had been accustomed to spend more than most girls can earn, and she +was loth to reduce her expenses just when she was working for money. By +the end of the second year, however, she began to be tired of her work, +so she rigorously kept within her salary for the third year, and then +retired. Her experiment had been infinitely easier than if she had been +obliged to make it without having other resources, but she had learned +valuable lessons.</p> + +<p>It seems to me that if a girl who need not work for money does so she +will do well to live on what she earns, at least for a time. To earn an +extra silk dress does not seem an adequate object. I think if our +accountant had gone on many years as she began she would not only have +taken the place needed by some one else, but she would have made other +accountants discontented because they could not dress as she did. She +would have raised the standard of luxury among them without adding +anything to their power to reach it.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span>I knew a young lady with a narrow income who for that reason chose to +teach in a large school where several other teachers were employed at +the same salary, namely, six hundred dollars. Everybody praised her +judgment and taste, for she appeared to be able to do so much more than +the rest with her money. Everybody said that six hundred dollars was a +fine salary for anybody who had the wit to use it. Some thought a +general reduction of salaries would not be amiss. Nobody knew of her +reserve. The other teachers tried their best to do as well, but they +grew discouraged and envious. Of course she was not to blame, but I +think that in general the common welfare is best served when the +wage-workers live on what they earn, at least while they are earning it. +The surplus can be laid aside for the time when they are at leisure.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>But although I do not think that all girls should be urged to support +themselves, the majority must do so, or they will burden others. There +is also a large class of women who do not absolutely need to earn money, +who nevertheless will be better and happier to do so. Independence is +very sweet, and even if for love's sake a woman chooses to give it up, +it is more inspiring to make a deliberate sacrifice of it than to be +dependent because she must be. All homes are not happy, even where the +members of the family love each other<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span> and have a general purpose to do +right. Perhaps it may be said that few young people are satisfied +thoroughly with their homes. Would it not mean the destruction of the +ideal if they were? It would be terrible to them to have the home broken +up, and they do love their parents, but they think they could manage +better, and may be right in thinking so.</p> + +<p>Now, if a girl at home has this feeling of unrest, she may be too ready +to marry the first suitor, because she thinks more about the ideal home +she can make than about the husband. If, on the contrary, she goes away +and earns her living, she will look around her with less prejudiced +eyes. If her home is really unhappy, she will be free from it. If its +troubles are merely superficial, she will find this out as soon as she +compares it with other homes. If she has not been willing to meet her +share of trial and responsibility, she will now find that a change of +place has not set her free, for the trouble was in herself. When she +does go back to her home it will be with very different appreciation of +it.</p> + +<p>When a girl has become a woman her instinct leads her to long to be at +the head of her own home, whether she is married or unmarried. To be +absolute mistress even of one room in a lodging-house at the end of a +day's labor is often better to her than to be at the call of everybody +in her father's beautiful home where she is supposed<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span> to be at leisure +all day. And this is right. If a girl has been badly trained, how can +she help thinking she may do better than her mother does? If she has +been well trained, she ought to be able to do better than her mother, +for every generation begins at a higher point than the preceding. She +has much of her mother's experience to help her while she is still fresh +and strong and enthusiastic. There are very few women between the ages +of twenty-five and forty who can be thoroughly contented in any home of +which they are not the mistress, however patiently and nobly they may +conceal their feelings. After forty they are often so tired as to be +glad of any kind of a home.</p> + +<p>Then there are women with special gifts. I am thinking now of one who +had a fortune, and yet chose to do the hard work of a physician. She had +the aptitude for the work and the means for thorough study. She was +among the most skillful physicians of her native city. She saved many +lives, and relieved much suffering. She gave her priceless services to +hundreds of poor people, but she did not give to those who could pay for +them. I think she was altogether right. The world was better because she +used her gift, and she was happier, as all are who exercise their +powers.</p> + +<p>Perhaps she blocked the way of less fortunate physicians. But this was +because she gave a bet<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>ter gift than they could give. Certainly she had +a right to give it even to the rich whose money could only buy a part of +it. If she had served the rich without taking their money, she would not +only have sapped their self-respect, but she would have been a more +formidable obstacle in the way of poorer physicians. She would have been +offering a premium in money to those who employed her, whereas the only +premium she had a right to offer was her superior skill. It was because +she could give priceless services that she had so clear a right to fix a +price which she did not need.</p> + +<p>Suppose another woman her equal by nature, but who had not had the means +for so complete an education, was set aside because she could not +compete with one who had both the nature and the education,—even then +the case would not be altered, for still the richer woman had a higher +gift to give than the poorer one. It would be a bitter trial to the +poorer woman to be met only by philosophy and religion; but if she were +a just woman, she could not say that her rich rival had not done right.</p> + +<p>When a beautiful young society woman of Boston consents to play at a +concert every one feels it to be right, because few people can play so +exquisitely. When she gives her services for some charity there is an +especial fitness in it, since those who go to hear her wish to pay the +high prices for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span> the rare treat, and would still wish to do so if she +were to keep the money for herself. But if she plays at a symphony +concert, she certainly has a right to be paid as others are. That is a +matter of self-respect. Why should she compete with other musicians on +any unnatural basis?</p> + +<p>These instances will show what I mean by saying that a rich woman who +has a great gift has a right to use it in earning money, when if the +gift were smaller she might not be justified.</p> + +<p>There are some qualities which are gained by self-support better than in +any other way. By receiving money in return for service, we learn what +our service is worth to others. We learn what we can do and what we +cannot do. We exchange self-conceit for self-respect. With a true +estimate of ourselves we learn how to estimate others more correctly. We +learn the real needs of the world and the way to meet them. In a word, +we learn justice.</p> + +<p>It is generally supposed that the qualities in which men are superior to +women are justice and courage. Courage, too, is cultivated by +self-support. A woman who daily faces the outside world may not be +braver than one who faces the little world at home, but she probably +will be. At the last moment the woman at home may sometimes shirk a task +which seems formidable to her, though she may be ashamed of her +cowardice; but a woman who has agreed to do a certain thing for a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span> +certain sum of money cannot shirk, however frightened she may be, and by +degrees she learns to subdue her terror and go cheerfully and calmly to +her work.</p> + +<p>Furthermore, a woman who earns her money generally spends it more wisely +than when it is given to her. She may not be as economical in all ways +perhaps; but if she chooses to spend three dollars for a Wagner opera +ticket when she has a shabby bonnet, because she loves music, she may be +putting the true emphasis on her purchase, which she might not dare to +do if some one else supplied the money.</p> + +<p>On the whole, I am inclined to think that most unmarried women, as well +as many who are married, should support themselves. Where the necessity +exists, it is base to shrink from doing one's part. When others of the +family must endure privation to keep her at home, it is seldom that home +is a girl's place. But I would not have a girl too eager to support +herself. And I would not have her urged unless there is necessity. Above +all, I would guard her from illusions.</p> + +<p>It is not easy to earn one's living. It is true there are some +delightful modes of making money open to the fortunate few. But if one +earns all one spends,—which is the meaning of earning a living,—there +will always be hardships to meet. It is not best to anticipate trouble, +but it is cruel to let any girl try to make her way in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span> the world with +the fancy that it will be easy. Yet most must make their own way, and +perhaps most of these have a fair share of happiness, for there are +compensations in all work done in the right spirit.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="V" id="V"></a>V.</h2> + +<h3>SELF-SUPPORT—HOW SHALL GIRLS SUPPORT THEMSELVES?</h3> + +<p>And now how shall a girl choose her occupation? And how shall she be +fitted for it?</p> + +<p>If she has a superb voice she may sing. If she has undoubted genius in +any direction her decision is easy, whatever difficulty there may be in +getting her education. Most people, however, have not genius. They can +do some things better than others, and it is of great importance to +their success and happiness that they should be able to use their +natural powers to the best advantage. Still their gifts are not great +enough to be perfectly clear at sight. It is only by careful cultivation +that they become really available, and if a mistake is made in the line +of one's education it is hard to repair it.</p> + +<p>I think the course I have already described as practical for girls +should be the foundation for the education of all girls, save in a few +exceptional cases. If, in the end, a girl marries, her reading and +cooking and housekeeping are all necessary. How can she use these homely +accomplishments in earning a living?</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span>They will not, to be sure, bring her a large income, but there is a +steadier demand for good work in these directions than in any others. So +a woman who has them is almost sure of a modest support. She need not go +out to service to be a cook. Who has seen the dignified and refined Mrs. +Lincoln giving lessons at the cooking-school without realizing that +cooking may be a fine art, or who has read the cook-book of Mrs. +Richards without perceiving that cooking may be an intellectual pursuit?</p> + +<p>But these women are exceptions. I will take a humbler example. I knew at +school a stylish, energetic girl who was too dull to learn her lessons, +but who had the air of polish which comes from association with educated +people. Half a dozen years later she found herself obliged to earn her +living. She had a little money, and she risked it in leasing a good +house on a good city street which she filled with boarders. She worked +very hard, and she had much to discourage and disgust her. But she knew +how such a house ought to be kept, and she had the determination to keep +it in that way. It will be seen that she was a rare landlady. Some +landladies do not know how a house ought to be kept, and some have no +clear purpose of keeping it as it ought to be kept when they do know the +way. Therefore she had great success. There were always two applicants +for every vacant room. Higher and higher prices<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span> were offered her. At +last she bought her house. Then she laid aside money. By and by she had +a comfortable fortune. She might then have retired from business, but +she chose to go on. During the first five years of her career her +experience had been so bitter that only necessity kept her at her post. +But now she had learned how to meet her difficulties, and it was a real +pleasure to her to see how well she could do her work. It was the work +she was born to do, as certainly as Raphael was born to paint pictures.</p> + +<p>Few women are so successful; but at the present stage of the world I +think it is true that no woman who thoroughly understands cooking and +housekeeping need fear that she cannot support herself if she must. I +knew a lady who excelled in these arts who was able to help her husband +in establishing a school. He was a fine teacher, but too individual to +work well in most schools. She took a dozen young people into the house +and gave them a delightful home. Her husband earned the living of the +family, and a very good living, too. She did little work with her hands, +and an assistant teacher was employed to care for the pupils out of +school. The housekeeping took but little time, and the lady was +apparently almost as free as when her husband had been struggling along +in a high school. But she understood so well what was needed that a word +here and a look there kept all things smooth, and her husband<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span> who had +seemed on the brink of ruin came out a successful man.</p> + +<p>But all who can manage their own homes cannot manage those of others, +even if they are willing to do so. Suppose with all her practical +education our girl never shines as a cook or a housekeeper! I have +suggested that she should be so thoroughly grounded in primary school +work that she could teach her own children till they are twelve years +old. Then, if she has the natural power to discipline, she can, if need +be, teach a primary school. Now the number of primary schools to be +taught is vastly greater than in any other grade, because all pupils +must begin at the foot of the ladder, though most of them do not climb +to the top. And it is doubtful whether competition among teachers of +primary grades is proportionately great. I have heard of a leading +normal school principal who decided to train his own daughter for +primary work, because his experience showed him there was always a +demand for such work. He said truly, "There are few schools which will +pay much for unusual learning. Executive ability and tact in imparting +knowledge are most wanted, together, of course, with thorough grounding +in the rudimentary branches."</p> + +<p>His daughter had both taste and talent for higher studies. He wished her +to indulge her taste. "But," he added, "she must buy this higher +knowledge as she would any other luxury,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span> and not delude herself with +the idea that it will make much difference with her power of earning +money. If she earns her living by primary work, which requires little +study out of school, she will have leisure to pursue her own tastes. Of +course she may thus in time be fitted for higher work, and she may +prefer to do it, and may even earn more money by it, but she will then +do the work because it is her natural choice and not for the sake of the +money." So altogether I believe that any girl who has the foundation +education which will fit her for a home life will also be able to earn a +respectable living if the need arises.</p> + +<p>I would not, however, have her stop there. A woman who has to work +wishes to work to the best advantage, both as to the amount of money she +earns, and the quality of the work she does. I believe every girl should +have the simple solid foundation I have indicated, but I also think that +in most cases a superstructure should be reared upon it, and that there +should be almost as many forms of superstructure as there are +individuals. Therefore, in choosing your occupation I will suggest this +rule: Do not despise the lowest drudgery which comes plainly in your +way; but always choose the highest work you are able to do.</p> + +<p>For example, I knew a highly educated young lady who found it necessary +to teach. She hated the work, as many teachers do, and yet she had a +fine, forcible character, so that she did her work<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span> well. One day in a +moment of vexation she was heard to exclaim, "I would rather be a waiter +in a restaurant than teach school!" Now it happened that one of her +pupils did become a waiter in the very restaurant which had called out +the remark. And she made an excellent waiter. Her apron was always clean +and her hair was always smooth. She was quick and quiet in filling an +order, and modest and self-possessed and sweet-tempered. She did her +work well and used her leisure well, and she deserved great praise. But +in her case this was the best work open to her. She was a hopelessly +dull scholar, and she was awkward with her needle. Nor did she have the +kind of mind necessary to direct others. She could not have conducted a +boarding-house. She could, however, do her own little bit of work well. +Now what was fine in her would not have been fine in the teacher. To be +sure, it is a pity to teach if one hates it, more of a pity than to do +some mechanical work, because there is danger that the feeling may react +upon the scholars. Still, this woman had the necessary self-control to +do this good work. On the other hand, she was not attracted to any +inferior work for its own sake. She would have made an excellent +duchess. Her talents as well as her tastes fitted her for such a life. +But she had to earn her living, and so far as she or her friends could +see there was no direction in which she could work without finding it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span> +intolerable. And so it seems to me she did right to choose the best work +open to her and do it as well as she could, and I think if she had +forsaken the school-room for the restaurant she would not have done what +was best either for herself or for others.</p> + +<p>I have known an ignorant woman who kept a lodging-house with such +devotion that it was like a work of art. Its purity and freshness, its +warmth and light had a charm beyond that of comfort. Such work is to be +done, and it is not often done well, because the woman who does it is +below rather than above her task. "Let the great soul incarnated in some +woman's form, poor and sad and single, in some Dolly or Joan, go out to +service, and sweep chambers and scour floors, and its effulgent day +beams cannot be muffled or hid, but to sweep and scour will instantly +appear supreme and beautiful actions, the top and radiance of human +life, and all people will get mops and brooms; until lo, suddenly the +great soul has enshrined itself in some other form and done some other +deed, and that is now the flower and head of all living nature."</p> + +<p>The lower work must be done, and often by the highest natures. It must +then be done willingly and with a recognition that it can be made a work +of art. But it should be deliberately chosen only by those to whom it is +the highest work. I have in mind a young man who might have been a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span> +musician, but he would not practice, so he became a shoemaker. He had to +work harder as a shoemaker than he would have done as a musician, but it +was from hand to mouth. He did not have to work steadily towards a +future good. He had no gift but that of music, so that even if he had +been a musician he would have ranked far lower in the scale of manhood +than the shoemakers of the village; but he would have done the best he +could do, while as a shoemaker he was despicable.</p> + +<p>I knew a good teacher, capable of taking responsibility, who hated it so +that she gave up work the moment she had acquired a miserable pittance. +She lived ever after a pinched life, whose chief source of happiness to +herself was the negative satisfaction of escaping responsibility; for +she was too poor to gratify any of her many beautiful tastes. She had +the power to lead a large, full life, but she had not the will and +courage to meet the obstacles in her way. She chose instead to stunt +herself and be a drudge. She swept her poor rooms clean, and she was +willing to sweep them, but I do not think she "swept them as to God's +law," for though she often made them "fine," I do not think she made +"the action fine."</p> + +<p>But such a case is rare. More people choose work too high for them. We +all like to think we have some touch of genius, though we may be +discreet enough not to say so. But few of us have<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span> talents at all equal +to our tastes, and we must beware of trying to get our livelihood in the +direction of our tastes rather than of our talents.</p> + +<p>One girl in ten thousand has the voice of a <i>prima donna</i>. Ten other +girls in ten thousand have voices so good that they believe them to be +like that of a <i>prima donna</i>. The first will succeed beyond her wildest +dreams. She will have fame and fortune. The other ten will have some +success, success which will seem great to the lookers on, but they will +have heart-breaking disappointments within their own breasts. A hundred +girls in the ten thousand have more talent for music than for most other +things, and if they are well educated, they may perhaps make a good +living as teachers, church singers, organists, or accompanists. This is +not what they hoped, but they do the work that belongs to them, and on +the whole may be counted successful. Another hundred like music, and can +learn enough to add to their enjoyment and to that of those about them. +They might even teach music, if the demand for teachers were not already +filled by those who have a greater gift. But now it is clear their bread +must depend on other work for which they have less taste. These are the +"betwixt and between" who are always fighting a battle between taste and +talent. They have a compensation,—they are less one-sidedly developed +than if all their talents were concentrated in one; but they hardly realize this.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span>Now, how is the line to be drawn among the musical? Who are to earn +their living by music and who are to be amateurs? Especially as fifty of +our second hundred can with proper education easily excel fifty of the +first hundred who have less education. Who is to decide whether it is +prudent for a girl to spend all she has on a musical education with the +hope of making herself independent in the end? No one can decide +positively, but at least do not let any girl fancy that she is the one +of ten thousand or even one of the ten. And let her ask for the judgment +of more than one good musician before she is sure she belongs to the +first hundred. If she loves music supremely, it may be worth while for +her to spend everything on her education, even if she finally has to +support herself with her needle, for it will be its own reward, and +having tried to do what she believed to be her best, even her failure +will not be a failure of character.</p> + +<p>If there is any occupation delightful in itself, there will always be +many people who will hope that they have talent enough to make it a +source of livelihood. We all wish to be musicians and artists and poets. +The most bitter disappointments come to those who try these paths and +fail. It has always seemed to me that where bread-winning is a +necessity, we ought first to secure the means of living in some humbler +way, and then there may be a chance to pursue these<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span> higher occupations +for their own sake, and not to degrade them by false methods which we +think will bring us money.</p> + +<p>I have heard of a poor girl who had a genius for acting. She went out to +service while she was studying, she learned how to do housework well, +and she had that resource always left to her in case she should fail on +the stage. She succeeded, but she could not have succeeded if she had +insisted on acting at the outset.</p> + +<p>I knew a girl who had ability as a story writer. Two positions were open +to her at the same time, one as a book-keeper, the other as writer for a +certain department in a third-rate magazine. She chose to be a +book-keeper, for she knew that if she took the magazine work she must +write whether in the spirit or not, and that the rank of the magazine +was such that she would have little encouragement to do her best. Of +course, as book-keeper she had very little leisure. Stories germinated +in her brain which she had no time to write; but when she was thoroughly +possessed by a story, she did find time to write it, and her work was +good. She chose to do the second best work for money, so that her best +work might not be degraded by the need of money.</p> + +<p>Few persons have genius enough to undertake any artistic work if they +have a pressing need for the money they are to receive from it. With +ever so small an income from other sources, they may<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span> cheerfully try +their best and prove what they can do. But with no income at all, they +will be too greatly tempted to prostitute the talent they have. Yet "if +you cannot paint, you may grind the colors." Occasionally our cravings +for artistic work may partially be gratified by doing lower work in the +same line, and this may sometimes be a foundation for the higher work.</p> + +<p>A young girl had an ardent desire to be an elocutionist. She had a good +voice, a flexible body, and some intelligence. She was willing to spend +every penny on her education. Fortunately she had an unusually fine +teacher, who told her the truth. He said, "You could easily learn the +little tricks of voice and gesture which bring applause from ignorant +people, and make one blush to be called an elocutionist, but you have +not the dramatic sense and can never be a great reader. What you need to +do is to study some literary masterpiece till you thoroughly appreciate +it, and then read it as simply and clearly as possible."</p> + +<p>"But would anybody come to hear me read?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"I am afraid not," he said; "but you could teach reading."</p> + +<p>This had not been her ambition, but she had an earnest character and was +willing to read in the right way. She did take a place in a school and +became a power there. She taught her scholars how to use the breath, to +sit and stand easily<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span> and gracefully while reading, to enunciate +clearly, and pronounce correctly. Moreover, she taught them to read +noble poems instead of the flimsy showy jingles which had at first +attracted her. She never made any figure as a public reader, but she did +not regret serving the art she had learned to reverence on a lower +plane.</p> + +<p>But, some one may say, suppose she had not been able to teach! She might +not have understood the art of controlling scholars even if she +understood what to teach them. In that case she might have been a +private reader to some elderly or infirm person. There is a demand for +private readers, but few can fill such a place, though we fancy +everybody can read. Even where there is intelligence so that one is a +pleasant reader, there are few who can manage the voice well enough to +read several hours in succession as is often desired.</p> + +<p>A woman with artistic tastes will probably do better service in studying +ways of making beautiful homes or in lines of decorative work than by +striving to paint great pictures. Let her paint the pictures if she is +moved to do it and has time, and if they turn out to be great pictures +that will be well; but until her greatness has been proved, would it not +be better for her to depend for her support on the less ambitious +departments of her art, especially as a beautifully planned home gives a +higher artistic pleasure than second-rate painting?</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span>It is strange that so few women are architects. Architecture is the +sublimest of arts, and yet it has room to employ humble talents. A +practical woman with a love of beauty, a mathematical mind, and a +knowledge of mechanical drawing would undoubtedly be a great help to an +architect in planning dwelling-houses. At any rate, as the matter stands +at present, very few interiors are either convenient or beautiful in +proportion to the money spent on them. A woman might not plan a public +building well, but her help is needed in all our homes, and especially +in tenement houses.</p> + +<p>I once knew a woman who was a poet. Her songs were full of beauty and +helpfulness, but poetry is not lucrative. She took a position as teacher +of literature in a girls' school. There never had been such teaching as +hers in the school before. She showed the girls the poetic meaning of +the great writers, and gave them a moral and intellectual impulse which +lasted through life. Sometimes in an hour of inspiration she still wrote +poems. Her teaching was so excellent that she was sought after in other +schools. But she found that when she undertook too much her spirit +flagged. She could still teach, but she could not write. So she went +back to her first plan. Of course it was hard work. The girls were often +dull and unsympathetic. Yet her study of literature helped her in her +own great purpose of life,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span> and the contact with youth was sometimes an +inspiration in itself. Usually, however, teaching is an injury to a +writer, because of the need of constantly adapting one's self to +inferior minds.</p> + +<p>There are few women who can devote themselves to pure literature, and +few of these can earn a living by it; so, delightful as it is, it can +hardly be counted among the bread-winning occupations. But if a woman +thinks she can be satisfied to work regularly on a newspaper or a +magazine she may often earn a large income. If money or fame is her +object she must always sign her own name to everything she writes, as it +takes genius to coerce the public into admiration of anonymous work.</p> + +<p>A great many women have found it well to be teachers, and most of their +work is conscientiously done, though few have the highest ideal so +constantly before them as to find pleasure in the work when their own +faults are of such a nature that success depends on overcoming them. A +firm, quick-witted woman, with sufficient self-reliance to relish +responsibility, is the only one who can be happy in a large school or at +the head of a small one. Now, those are the lucrative positions for +teachers, and, indeed, the positions in which the largest results can be +accomplished, and they ought to be filled by the finest women. But the +finest women must have certain other qualities. They need to be +thoughtful even more than<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span> quick witted; they must be able to balance +conflicting interests, and that is hard to reconcile with firmness; and +if they are modest and conscientious they rarely have the self-reliance +which makes responsibility anything but a grievous burden. Yet there are +teachers who have enough of all these contradictory qualities to succeed +in doing the difficult and admirable work if they are only willing to be +unhappy for the sake of doing something noble.</p> + +<p>But some can never be disciplinarians, however determined their +character may be, principally, I think, because the true student must +usually be occupied with a train of thought which cannot be interrupted +from moment to moment to detect the petty tricks of insubordinate +pupils. So if you mean to be a teacher, think first whether you have +quick observation; then, are you firm, and are you willing to give your +whole heart to your work? If you can answer these questions favorably, +you may persevere in your attempt to make your way to the head of a +school, even if your first trial does not succeed. If you have not the +executive ability, then turn all your energy in other directions. There +are positions as assistants in grammar schools where any woman of good +education who is conscientious and persevering may in time work to +advantage, and though such positions are probably more mechanical than +any others, yet they often leave the teacher con<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span>siderable freedom to +pursue her own tastes outside of school.</p> + +<p>But if you feel that your temperament is essentially that of the +student, so that you could fill the place of assistant in some advanced +school, then give yourself to special studies. I would not say study +history exclusively for ten years, even if you have a taste for history, +because there are few schools where a teacher can be employed for +history alone. But suppose you spent half your time for twenty years on +history, and the other half on literature, languages, etc., you would +probably find some place open to you all the time, and at the end of +twenty years you might be fit for a college position, and much more fit +than if you had narrowed yourself to one study. In most cases the bent +in one direction is not so strong that the student cannot do many things +fairly well. The half dozen best scholars in most secondary schools are +usually the best in mathematics, in the sciences, in literature, and in +language. It is a good plan for such scholars to "level up" in every +direction. Two years' study in each line after leaving school will carry +them beyond the requirements of most schools,—though of course no +teacher can hope to succeed who does not study daily the branches she +teaches, to keep abreast of the times, and to make her teaching +fresh,—and if she is able to teach a variety of subjects she is pretty +sure to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span> find an engagement in some of the many schools where only a few +assistants can be employed. And it is no small additional advantage that +her own mind is more evenly developed than that of a specialist.</p> + +<p>Just now the demand for women to teach the sciences seems to be greater +in proportion to the supply than in any other direction. If a girl has a +natural taste for chemistry, zoölogy, or mineralogy, and cultivates it, +she is very sure to "put money in her purse." But the supply is +increasing, so this state of things may not last long.</p> + +<p>No one thinks sewing an attractive means of livelihood, but where a girl +has a decided taste for the needle there are openings for her gifts. I +know a mother and daughter who support themselves in comfort by +embroidering dresses for the stage, and by giving lessons in the making +of fine laces. And I heard the other day of a farmer's daughter who came +to the city to work as a dressmaker, and who showed such taste and skill +that she soon commanded a salary of two thousand dollars for overseeing +an establishment. It is pleasant to add that she married a rich man of +refined tastes, and that she made a beautiful home for him, a centre for +all lovers of the fine arts.</p> + +<p>A thousand occupations are now open to women. You can be a type-writer, +or a stenographer, or a private secretary, or saleswoman. You can keep a +bakery, or do city shopping for country ladies.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span> But whatever you do, +keep these principles in mind:—</p> + +<p>1. Do not drift into any work. Circumstances may force you to do +something unsuited to you, and then you must do your best; but where +even a narrow choice is left, try to weigh your own tastes and talents +truly, and choose something to which you are willing to give your +energies, and in which, if you work hard, there is reasonable hope you +will succeed.</p> + +<p>2. Whether you like your work or not, make it something more than a +means of self-support. We all want "a broad margin to our lives," and we +may do our great life-work entirely outside of our work for bread. But +most of us necessarily put so much of our strength as well as our time +into earning our livelihood, that, if we are the women we ought to be, +that too must express our nobleness. We may not like our work, but we +can make it worth doing, even if we never gain a penny from it. Milton +was no doubt sorry to receive only £15 for "Paradise Lost," but we +should all be willing to starve in a garret to do work like that. It +ought to be the same with the humblest occupation. We should like to +earn something by it, but first we wish to have it worth more than +money, and it will be so if we work in the right spirit.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="VI" id="VI"></a>VI.</h2> + +<h3>OCCUPATIONS FOR THE RICH.</h3> + +<p>In one of George Eliot's letters she says that her chief hope from the +higher education of women is that they will do much unproductive labor +which at present is either badly done or not done at all. But she +thought it would be unbecoming in her to say much publicly on that +subject, for she could not fail to know that her own genius set her +apart from other women and gave her a definite work to do.</p> + +<p>For those who have simply many good powers without any dominating one +the case is different. The poor must use their gifts to gain bread; but +if they do not make their occupation the medium of higher work, they are +no better than the idle rich. The rich, instead of being excused from +work by circumstances, are the more bound to work, because they can +choose what is best in itself.</p> + +<p>Where a girl has many equal gifts it may be well sometimes to have +several occupations; but it is usually best to choose some one form of +daily employment as the nucleus of her life, and to persevere with that +till she accomplishes something.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span>Most girls would choose to devote themselves to some charity. I will +speak of that in another chapter. Here I wish to say something of +occupations which can be followed only by those who are rich enough to +dispose of their own time, and which, though at first they may not seem +to be of much use to others, are indirectly among the most powerful +factors in the progress of the world.</p> + +<p>In New England, at least, girls often stay in school till they are +twenty, and by that time they have learned the elements of chemistry, +physics, botany, zoölogy, physiology, geology, and astronomy. If they +have learned these thoroughly, the variety of studies is an advantage, +as one science throws light on all the rest. Yet of course they have +learned only the rudiments of any of these subjects, and if they try to +carry them all on after leaving school they can hardly do very good work +in any.</p> + +<p>Suppose a girl decides that chemistry is the most fascinating of the +group. Then let her make a special study of that. She will know enough +of the other sciences to use them when she needs their help, or she may +wish to study minerals or plants or animals chemically. If she is rich, +she ought to carry on her study with special teachers till she reaches a +point where she can do original work. Then, let her have her own little +laboratory, and give some hours every day regularly to experiments. +"Original work" sounds terrifying<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span> to most girls; they think it requires +genius. It does take genius to gather the results of experiments into +laws. But as I have elsewhere suggested, the experiments must all be +first tried; and many a girl is neat and skillful and accurate enough to +do all the drudgery necessary, leaving the man,—or woman,—of genius +free for the higher work. True, it takes genius to know what experiments +to try. But a girl who has had special teachers is sure to know one +among them who is doing original work, and who wishes the days were +twice as long that he might try more experiments. Let her ask him to +trust some work to her. She may make some discoveries herself, but at +any rate she will do work which is needed.</p> + +<p>I call to mind a case in point. A young lady had a great taste for +drawing, as well as a good scientific mind. She became acquainted with a +physician who was making original studies in the microscopic germs of +disease. They worked side by side. The physician detected the +animalcules and plants and crystals with the microscope, and explained +to her how he wanted them represented. She was intelligent enough to +understand his explanations and skillful enough to make the drawings. +His own drawings were too clumsy to convey his idea, but with her help +his observations were made available for others.</p> + +<p>Suppose a girl enjoys botany. I know a woman who has made lichens the +study of a life-time.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span> This has been a source of high culture as well as +of pleasure to herself, for, as she says, this is the most intellectual +family of plants, and no one can study their structure without being +brought face to face with profound questions. Moreover, this study has +opened her eyes and those of her friends to much beauty; for until we +begin to look at lichens we are often conscious of hardly more than a +dull wall of rock or the dead gray wood of old buildings, when in truth +every inch of their surface is decorated with rich forms and delicate +colors. She won a certain measure of fame by the discovery of a new +lichen, but she did better than that, she made one of the finest +collections in the United States for a local city museum, so that the +fruits of her labor were thus accessible to future lichenists; and she +gave much needed help to geologists in investigating fossil lichens.</p> + +<p>Local collections of any kind are valuable. A young lady who +superintends the making of one in the town or village where she lives +will learn much herself, and she will attract many other young people to +pursue an innocent and healthful pleasure, so becoming a power in the +community. There are few such collections now in existence, and any girl +living in a small place who has a taste for science may act as a +pioneer. She can begin modestly with a single case at her own house, or, +better still, at the public library, and she will be surprised to see +how fast the mu<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span>seum will grow, and how useful and delightful it will +be.</p> + +<p>If a woman likes to experiment with plants, let her study botany at the +Harvard Annex. There she will learn how many questions in vegetable +physiology are awaiting investigation. Darwin studied one twining plant +after another till he discovered the rate of motion for each. Dr. +Goodale tells us how to trace the motion of ordinary growth. But think +of the myriads of plants which have not yet been examined, any one of +which is likely to yield suggestive results.</p> + +<p>If a woman loves flowers and does not care for botany, she has the whole +beautiful domain of horticulture open to her. Naturally she will have a +garden of her own and be connected with some flower mission. But she +might do more. A rich woman in the country who determined to make that +her principal work could easily interest every child in the community in +a garden, and by perseverance she might make the whole village blossom +with new beauty. In the city she might be the means of making the +balconies in whole streets lovely with growth.</p> + +<p>I heard of a young lady not long ago who was raising spiders for the +purpose of studying their habits. If she is in earnest, and has the +intelligence to try experiments, she may some day contribute something +substantial to scientific knowledge. I have heard of another who is +raising<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span> snails, and of still another who makes a specialty of +caddis-flies. Most people consider such work innocent and amusing, but +it may easily be made more. Take the question of the antennas of +insects. It took the combined experiments of a German and an American to +discover that the plumed antennæ of the male mosquito vibrated +differently to different parts of the female's song, thus representing +an outward ear. Now, of the two hundred thousand known species of +insects, all of which have antennæ, probably less than fifty have been +examined with anything like patience. These organs apparently serve in +some cases for touch, and sometimes for smell. It will take years of +study by hundreds of people to make the experiments necessary to decide +on their relations to the senses and the brains of insects. When they +are thoroughly understood, some light may be thrown on our own brain and +senses.</p> + +<p>Who but the rich can have leisure for such important experiments? Yet +any girl with a school knowledge of zoölogy could begin to work with +some common insect, and be all the better for spending several hours +every day in such a pursuit.</p> + +<p>I know a lady devoted to zoölogy who has many opportunities to travel. +She comes home laden with rare specimens which she distributes to all +the people she knows who can appreciate<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span> them; and another who has given +several years past to the study of geology. She has now become so +accomplished as to have made an excellent geological map of the town she +lives in. Such a map is greatly needed in any town, but how few are to +be found!</p> + +<p>Another lady who has a taste for mineralogy has unconsciously done good +in her own village by means of it. All the boys and girls in town are +ready to help her and have learned something from her. Her collection is +open to everybody. She has formed a club of ladies for the study of the +science in the winter evenings. There is a higher intellectual and moral +tone in the place because of this new interest.</p> + +<p>Goethe makes one of his heroines a lover of astronomy; he represents her +as living quietly with her telescope, and passing night after night in +close study of the stars. There is something ideally beautiful in his +description of her.</p> + +<p>One of my friends chose to give most of her time to music. Without being +a genius, she played remarkably well, and she made her work available +for others by playing the organ in a church which was rich, in +everything but money. I knew another fine pianist who gave lessons to +children who could not otherwise have had them. In both these cases the +ladies were as much bound by their self-imposed tasks as if they had +been earning their living, and their characters received<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span> almost as +great benefit; but it would not have been well that they should be paid +for their work. Why should they compete with those who needed the money?</p> + +<p>Harriet Martineau was not rich, but when she settled down in her own +little country-house she had a competence. She made her study useful to +the people around her, as well as to the world. She was skilled in +political economy, and she took pains to present its knotty problems in +a clear and simple form to the untrained minds of her poor neighbors.</p> + +<p>All women are not born to lecture even in this small way. But the study +of history, and still more of philosophy, does something more than to +broaden the mind of the student. A woman with a clear mind looks at +every subject more wisely than if she were half educated. Her judgment +has weight with every one she comes into contact with; but however +little her influence may be, it is likely to be on the right side. What +we are is so much more than what we do! Girls who are longing to do some +great thing are impatient when they are told this. It is so much easier +to measure what we do than what we are. I know a girl with a fine +intellect who loves to study, but who cannot quite give herself up to +study because she is haunted by the feeling that in this way she is +concentrating her life on herself. It is true there are learned women +who are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span> very selfish, but it is not true that their learning makes them +so, certainly it is not, if they think and judge as well as learn. This +girl believes she ought to visit the poor, and some time she may do some +good in that way; but her natural aptitude is in another direction. If +she ever succeeds in so disciplining her intellect that she has just +views of life, she will have it in her power to exert a wide influence. +If she could, for instance, convince her imperious father and brothers +that there was something to be said on the side of their striking +workmen, she would indirectly do the poor more good than she could ever +do directly. Perhaps she could convince them. One reason that her father +is so eager to grind men down is because her mother is frivolous and +extravagant.</p> + +<p>I call to mind a girl who has been studying art abroad for some years. +She has talent enough to earn her living by her work, if that were +necessary. As it is not, she has chosen to do a fine thing. She has made +copies of many of the great paintings of the world, and she has given +these to the quiet boarding-school where she was educated. The copies +are good enough to be a factor in the education of the girls who have +not yet seen the originals. She has also used her skill and taste in +selecting almost a thousand unmounted photographs from the great masters +for the same school. These she has arranged herself, mounting them<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span> and +writing out plainly on each card the name of the picture with that of +the artist and a few words referring to the time and place of the +painting. As arranged, these photographs form an illustrated history of +art.</p> + +<p>Another girl perhaps chooses to study languages. When this leads to the +foreign literatures, it is one of the highest intellectual occupations +possible. But there are ways of making languages outwardly available. I +remember a friend at a custom-house who successively helped three +steerage passengers out of unknown troubles by speaking French, German, +and Italian with them, and interpreting to the officers, one of whom at +last turned with a laugh, saying, "I wonder if there are not any Chinese +about. This lady would be sure to help them."</p> + +<p>Translation, as everybody knows, does not pay. A few very famous books +are brought out by the half dozen leading translators, and all others +must either lie unread or be translated by those who do not need any +money for their work. Yet there are books which ought to be translated, +though they will not pay. And how rare it is to translate well! Even +rarer than to write English well. If a woman is aware that she has grace +in expressing herself, and a delicate perception of the meaning of +words, and the power to comprehend the thought of a writer, then can she +do better with time and money than to perfect her know<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span>ledge of a +language so that she can make a good translation of some fine book which +would otherwise be neglected? If she should also have some poetic gift, +she might even translate poems which ought to be known. Probably no poem +was ever poetically translated for money.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>There is another occupation for rich women more exclusively womanly—the +care of children. I remember a rich mother who did this work well. She +had a nurse, indeed, to relieve her of some of the drudgery, though she +did not shrink from this, too, when it was needed; but the greater part +of the day was passed with her children. She knew what words they heard +and what actions they saw. She identified herself thoroughly with them. +I will not say that she knew all their thoughts, but I think she knew +all they were willing to express to any one. She entered into their +games and taught them to play. But though she was so much with them she +did not let them feel that she had no other uses for her time. She read +or wrote or sewed at one end of the long nursery, while they played at +the other. She tried to develop their independence, and she trusted them +little by little, more and more, as she saw they had strength to take +care of themselves. She studied their characters, and gave much thought +to the way to correct their faults. Sometimes a single word of reproof +or command<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span> was the result of hours of thought, but they could not know +that. At last they seemed to be thoroughly self-governing. They did the +right thing instinctively, whether she was there to see them or not. If +they were in doubt they came of their own accord to ask her advice, not +requiring her command.</p> + +<p>By degrees she separated herself from them for most of the day simply to +teach them self-reliance, not because she was tired of her task. The +hours of separation were still given to them. She thought of them and +studied for them, and planned ways of making herself most charming to +them when they were together again. In the end they were free strong men +and women, able to stand alone, and yet enthusiastically attached to +their mother, so that every pleasure was the dearer if she shared it.</p> + +<p>If a woman has no children of her own, it often happens that she may do +this good work for her little brothers and sisters, or for her nieces +and nephews. Or, if there is no one among her kindred who needs her +care, there are always the orphan children.</p> + +<p>If a woman of wealth and leisure adopts a child the experiment usually +fails. I have often wondered why, and I think I can see the reason. A +rich and cultivated woman who has also the large heart which leads her +to take a child belongs to the very highest development of the race. +The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span> destitute waif is often from the dregs of the people. The distance +between them is too wide for sympathy. She trains this child as she +would train her own, and the child feels oppressed. Its faults are so +different from those of her own childhood, that she is overwhelmed by +them and quite at a loss how to meet them. And yet, it would be a pity +for her to repress the generous wish to help a child. I think such a +woman may sometimes find the child of educated parents, perhaps from +among her own circle of friends whom she can naturally help; and if she +will take two children instead of one, her task will be lightened for +they will help each other.</p> + +<p>But if she finds it best to adopt one of the lowest class, she may still +succeed by remembering several things. 1. It is too much to expect to +train such a child to be a real companion, though in some rare cases +this may follow. Her main effort should be to awaken and guide the moral +nature, and to do this she must learn to look at the child from another +standpoint than her own prejudices. 2. She must give the child an +abundance of simple physical pleasures, and, if possible, companions of +about its own intellectual grade. 3. She must enter heartily into all +the child does, and endeavor to understand the workings of its mind.</p> + +<p>Many young women who would hesitate to take the whole responsibility of +one child may find<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span> useful and pleasant employment for themselves by +teaching a class of children of the poor. They can teach them to sew or +to read, they can provide simple pleasures for them, and supplement the +work of the public schools in a hundred ways necessary in cases where +there is no adequate home life.</p> + +<p>There is another great work to be done by rich women—that of giving a +higher tone to society. I knew a delicate woman who went to live in a +large and rapidly growing Western city. On account of her wealth and +connections all the leading people in the place called upon her at once, +and her house became a centre of society. She used her good taste in +making her home really beautiful—not showy or fashionable. Then she +opened it freely to congenial friends. Some of her visitors were society +people, but many were not. There were thoughtful teachers, clever young +collegians who had gone West to seek a fortune and had found drudgery +awaiting them instead, half a dozen unknown musicians and artists, and a +few educated Germans and Swedes whom fate had stranded far from home. +These people were welcome every day and at all hours. For this lady, who +had intellectual tastes, had been forced by the weakness of her eyes to +get her education from people rather than from books. So a perpetual +<i>salon</i> was a pleasant thing to her. All who were invited to her home +had some moral or<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span> intellectual gift which made their company desirable, +not only to the hostess but to the other guests. The rich and poor met +together there, but not the cultivated rich and the uncultivated poor, +or the uncultivated rich and the cultivated poor. Consequently, the +conversation was real. A young professor would come in with the +"Atlantic Monthly," begging leave to read an article to her, and the +reading would begin without any superfluous remarks about the weather. +Others would come in, but the reading would go on and the discussion it +suggested. An artist would bring a new picture, and the conversation +would turn in a new direction. A musician would sing an air, and a quiet +German would be led to speak of his life in the Fatherland.</p> + +<p>But with all her leisure, my friend found it a burden to keep up the +round of merely formal calls required of her. She did not wish to hurt +the feelings of any one, so she persevered for a while. She set apart +one day in a fortnight for a reception day. (You may be sure none of her +bright and interesting friends came then.) And once a fortnight she took +her card-case in hand and drove rapidly about the city, returning calls. +But she seldom called formally on anybody who had once been asked to her +<i>salon</i>. These were the people, she said to herself, who could +<i>understand</i>.</p> + +<p>Her delicate health excused her from giving<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span> parties. Coffee and cakes +were always at hand for refreshment, and any caller was welcomed to +lunch or dinner if he happened to be at the house when the bell rang. +The dinners were always good, but no change was made for a visitor. She +always refused to go to parties or receptions, which she thought +insufferable except when there was dancing. But she could not escape the +burden of party calls. The difficulty in carrying out her plans was that +there was no definite line between her sheep and goats. There were some +with whom she had to be both formal and informal, and she knew it could +not be right for her to drop totally everybody whom she did not fancy. +Many other women had felt the same burdens too heavy to be borne, but +had seen no escape. She suggested a club-house for ladies in some +central part of the city which they all often passed in shopping. It +should be a comfortable resting-place, with restaurant, reading-room, +etc. It should always be open, but one afternoon in the week should be +considered a special reception day. That would give ladies a chance to +see each other with very little trouble. When a stranger came into town, +if it was thought she would be a congenial acquaintance, two members +were to call upon her and invite her to the club, and see that she was +properly introduced. Then she was considered one of their number, and +was free from the bondage of calls ever after. There were many<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span> other +regulations emancipating the members from the tyranny of unsocial +society. Of course many ladies objected to all this. Their idea of +society was the conventional one, and they continued to live on that +basis. Most of them were welcomed at the club, but its members did not +call upon them, or go to their parties, or give them parties in return, +always excepting parties with an object like music and dancing. Parties +had given place to informal gatherings like my friend's <i>salon</i>, where +something real could be said.</p> + +<p>Now in an old city such a change could not be brought about so quickly. +It could only be made by a large number of leaders of society joining to +make it. No stranger nor young person could do much except to make her +own part of any conversation as worthy as possible. But the mothers can +lead the daughters, and the daughters, starting from a higher point, can +go on in the same way.</p> + +<p>These are some of the many unproductive occupations in which rich women +may use their time well, without finding it necessary to compete with +their poorer sisters in earning money.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="VII" id="VII"></a>VII.</h2> + +<h3>CULTURE.</h3> + +<p>"Culture comes from the constant choice of the best within our reach. It +belongs to character more than to acquirements, though a person of +culture usually has certain acquirements, for these are generally within +the reach of all those who earnestly wish for the best things."</p> + +<p>A woman, for instance, may be a cultivated musician, and have a weak +character in some directions; but just so far as her music is of high +quality she must have chosen the best. She must have been patient and +energetic, and she must have been willing to practice fine music. I knew +a girl so brilliant that she was able to play a Beethoven sonata almost +at sight when she had studied music less than a year. But she did not +care for Beethoven. She preferred Offenbach, and she never became a +cultivated musician.</p> + +<p>But though girls are apt to think of culture as something distinct from +character, they do after all acknowledge its moral side, for beautiful +manners are its first test. I see every day a young girl who seems to +have no special gift. Her delicate health has prevented her from +studying<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span> much, so although the wealth and position of her family have +made it possible for her to have the best teachers all her life, her +education is not far advanced. With all her piano lessons she will +stumble over the simplest march if any one is listening to her; she +replies to her French teacher in monosyllables; she has read few books: +and as for her arithmetic, children in the primary schools could put her +to shame. Nevertheless, she would everywhere be recognized at once as a +cultivated young lady. The simplicity, gentleness, and sweetness of her +manners, her truthfulness, modesty, and dignity count for far more than +French or music or literature even with those who lay most stress on +accomplishments. Such manners as hers are rare, and yet they are likely +to be found running through whole families. Her mother and her sister, +both of whom are cleverer than she, have almost equally fine manners, +though they miss the last touch of grace. Such manners come from the +choice of generation after generation. One woman after another has +chosen to be sincere, good-tempered, kind, and noble. The women who so +choose also choose the best in other ways. They read good books instead +of bad ones, they prefer a beautiful picture to a showy one, and +Beethoven to Offenbach. You may say that a girl of such a family cannot +help being cultivated: culture is inborn. So it is, because generation +after generation has chosen<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span> aright. Her own positive contribution to +the family is that last touch of grace. I think that comes from the fact +that she could not succeed in other directions as her mother and sister +did. The best within <i>her</i> reach was in the direction of manners, though +I think she did not decide that consciously. It was the determination to +meet mortification with heroism, to turn aside from feelings of envy and +wounded vanity, which added the last exquisite charm to her manners.</p> + +<p>That such manners are often found among people of some wealth may, I +think, be accounted for by choice. Though many poor people are not at +all responsible for their poverty, yet when generation after generation +choose the best things, including the best husbands and wives, some of +the sources of poverty are removed, and although such families are +seldom very rich, they are often in comfortable circumstances, and as +they use money as well as other things in the best way, and do not live +for show, they are really richer than others with the same means.</p> + +<p>I think, on the whole, good breeding is found oftenest in families where +the fathers have been professional men for generations. A line of +ministers where each has chosen to do the highest work he knew, careless +of money, or a line of physicians where each has chosen to help his +fellow-men, leads down to a beautiful blossoming time.</p> + +<p>But no class monopolizes fine manners. Some<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span>times they seem to belong +entirely to the woman herself, and no trace of them can be found in an +earlier generation. She chooses alone, and she accomplishes all that has +been accomplished for others by cultivated ancestors.</p> + +<p>Truthfulness is essential to culture, which, without it, will be only a +veneer. I have had an opportunity to know well a large class of girls +selected from the most highly cultivated families in one of our cities. +Comparing them with other sets of less highly cultivated girls, I think, +on the whole, the standard of truth is higher among the first, though it +has never been my misfortune to find a low standard among girls. +Unhappily, however, these girls have been so encouraged to shirk +mathematics that they have little power to think justly and accurately +on many questions. Mathematics may be called narrow, but no one can have +sound intellectual culture without these mental gymnastics.</p> + +<p>I believe, too, that science must have a larger place in the education +of girls if they are to be able to look at things in a broad way, and if +I am right in calling culture the result of choice, the fairness of +judgment which comes from broad views is more essential to it than any +special accomplishment.</p> + +<p>A specialist is seldom really cultivated, just because he is a +specialist. Darwin when young was an enthusiast in music and poetry. But +after<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span> a life given exclusively to science, he was amazed to find that +Shakespeare was tedious to him. His services to the world were so great, +and the spirit in which he worked was so noble, that we can hardly +regret his course; but he said himself that if he could begin life again +he would read some poetry and hear some music every day, so that he +might not lose the power of appreciating these things. Goethe, who +stands at the opposite extreme, as the "many-sided," adds that one must +see something beautiful every day.</p> + +<p>Women are seldom specialists however. Their danger is superficiality +through trying to do too many things. How can we be broad without being +superficial? I have elsewhere said that I believe the school education +should include the rudiments of many branches, and that these rudiments +should be so thoroughly mastered that the girl should be able to go on +with any study by herself. I think the education should be continued +along several lines, if possible. These will differ with different +women; but whatever they are, it is essential that a balance should be +kept between beauty and truth. Music, art, or poetry on the one hand, +and science or history on the other, seem to me to give what is most +needed. In Elizabeth Shepherd's books the formula <i>Tonkunst und +Arznei</i>—music and medicine—is often quoted, and so we should get the +proper balance. I do not think that an ardent girl who<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span> loves music art, +and poetry, and who hates history and science and mathematics, will ever +quite do herself justice if she carries on all three of her favorite +studies and ignores the others, even though her favorites are most +essential to culture. I think, however, that though mathematics cannot +be spared from the foundation of an education, it yields less culture on +the whole to students who have no taste for it than any other study, so +I do not advocate carrying it far, but history or some science would be +a good counterpoise for a mind given to the study of beauty alone.</p> + +<p>A friend says we must all be one-sided, so that perhaps our best chance +is to have one hobby at a time and ride that to death, and then try +another, becoming at last two, three, or four-sided, though never +completely rounded. If that be the case, it seems to me a good thing to +choose some of our hobbies at least from among the subjects for which we +have most taste and talent. Now where the opportunities for culture have +been great, it often happens that girls grow discouraged. They see how +far away they are from perfection, and they conclude they are good for +nothing. Do not yield to such morbid feelings. Make your own estimate of +yourself, without regard to your wishes. You do in your heart know what +you can do well if you are willing to work.</p> + +<p>Make your estimate silently. It will probably be too high, but you will +work in the right line.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span> Then let half your work be in the direction in +which you think you may make your life outwardly effective; for +instance, if you are a Darwin let it be in the line of natural science. +Let the other half of your work be constantly varied. Suppose you have +chosen history as the study for a life-time, take as a companion study +something new every year,—first a science, then art, then literature, +then mathematics, then a language, etc., etc. For the fruit of culture +is to be and not to do; and what we are, intellectually at least, +depends even more on the breadth of knowledge which helps us to balance +conflicting judgments than on special knowledge which gives us accurate +judgment in details. Even in the moral world, are not the finest +characters those in whom many virtues are balanced rather than those in +which one virtue is distorted by being allowed exclusive sway? It is a +great thing to be generous, but not to be wasteful; it is great to be +gentle, but not to be weak.</p> + +<p>The philosophers tell us, however, that all things move in an ascending +spiral. We do in order to be. What we are bears unconscious fruit in +what we do. A woman who is cultivated in the true sense exerts a +constant influence for good. One rich woman says, "I will not live to +myself," and gives clothing to ragged children. Another rich woman says +the same thing, and studies history and poetry and comes silently to +just conclusions<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span> about the relative value of clothes and thought. She +cannot be unjust to her smartly dressed maid, and her daily life lifts +her maid into a new moral atmosphere; or her gently expressed judgments +on all things are so unswervingly on the side of truth and love that her +father and brother become ashamed of their little tricks in business or +politics which they had once thought trifles. True culture does always +react on life.</p> + +<p>And yet in one direction culture seems to weaken the moral fibre. The +kind of courage which leads to quick heroic action in great emergencies +is apt to be lost by the habit of balancing arguments for and against +action. The gentleness which comes from quiet study often makes one +incapable of decision when severity is necessary. I was shocked not long +ago by hearing a group of sweet, high-bred girls discussing the scene in +"William Tell" where the wife of the hero tries to prevent him from +going out with his bow and arrow while Gessler is in the neighborhood. +With one accord the girls thought Tell should have yielded to his wife's +wish. It is true she was right in regard to the danger, but Tell's +carelessness about it was so clearly the result of his high-minded +freedom from suspicion that it seemed as though every heart should beat +quicker at his nobleness. These girls have moral courage. I dare say +some of them would die at the stake rather than tell a lie. But it would +take a sharply<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span> defined test like that to rouse them. Too much thought +has made it difficult for them to take any risk through unconsciousness +of danger. They could not act freely and spontaneously, and they could +not even admire such action in others.</p> + +<p>How shall we train our girls so that they may have just judgments and +yet not make them so introspective that the bloom shall be brushed off +the beauty of every action? Perhaps Emerson's suggestion, that every +young person should be encouraged to do what he is afraid to do, would +meet the case.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>In a city like Boston there is a great temptation to undertake too many +lines of study at once. There are free lectures every day in the week +from men who have mastered their subjects, and it seems as if one might +lie still and drink in all knowledge without effort. There are lectures +in private parlors for those who are too delicate to go to a public +hall—elementary lectures, and advanced lectures and readings. But no +one ever became cultivated by going to lectures. If a girl would choose +a single course and study the subject between times by herself, then she +would really be the better for the instruction. I think the difficulty +of choice among many good things in the city is the reason that so many +earnest girls have dissipated minds. A woman in the city must be +constantly on her guard against this peculiar temptation.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span>Perhaps at this point it will do no harm to insert a few commonplace +rules for study.</p> + +<p>Do not try to study too many things at once.</p> + +<p>Try to do all your work thoroughly, even if you do not get beyond the +rudiments in anything.</p> + +<p>Do not be in a hurry.</p> + +<p>It is said that eagerness to finish things shows weakness. It certainly +leads to shallowness, "Without haste, without rest" was Goethe's motto. +I have heard of a woman who began to study botany at ninety. That shows +a mind so trained and cultivated that the soil could not be exhausted +with age. How good it was that she was still fresh enough to respond to +new thoughts! She might have learned as much botany in a course of +lectures when she was twenty, and have listened to a dozen other courses +at the same time, without half the delight and inspiration she had at +ninety; that is, receiving so many new ideas at once at twenty might +have made her mind more jaded than the gradual, steady unfolding of many +more ideas during a lifetime.</p> + +<p>I know a lady of forty-five who within the last month has taken her +first piano lesson. She did not even know the meaning of the letters, +and yet she has already made wonderful progress. She will probably never +become a great player, though her fingers are unusually supple and she +has some musical ability. But even if she does not, a new world of +thought and beauty is opening to her.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span>I have just heard of another lady of seventy who went abroad for the +sake of learning the French language.</p> + +<p>It is a great mistake to think that all we are to learn must be begun +before we are thirty lest we may not have a chance to make a practical +use of it. Culture is within and not without.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>I hope that I shall have as many readers in the country as in the city, +and country people are not distracted with opportunities for culture. +Indeed, they often think they have none. I will tell you the stories of +three cultivated country women.</p> + +<p>One lived on a farm a mile from the post-office, and there was not much +money for her to spend. There were half a dozen cultivated families in +the village including that of the minister, and among them were to be +found most of the books which make the best literature. She knew how to +use both these friends and these books, and at twenty she was better +read than her Boston cousins. As she did not see her friends often, she +was more careful to make every call tell, and her visitors said it was +delightful to go to see her, she had such fresh things to say to them +and such interesting questions to ask. She studied botany by herself and +became expert. She learned mathematics so well in the public school that +when she began to think she would like to see something of the world +outside her corner, she was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span> able to get good places to teach. First, +she went to a seaside village and there she learned a thousand new +things. Then she spent a few years at the West, varying her route in +going and coming till she had seen a large part of her own country. By +this time she had saved enough money to go abroad and study quietly for +a year. Now, she had her French and German, and she saw pictures and +heard music and visited cathedrals and discovered how other people +lived. But by and by her sisters died, and she was needed at home. Of +course she was a great acquisition in the village, and she had many +sources of enjoyment in pursuing the studies she had begun. But she +wanted new thoughts too. She invited a friend to spend a month with her, +and when she found that her friend had made a study of chemistry she +sent for a few dollars' worth of chemicals and set up a satisfactory +laboratory in the barn. Naturally she made the acquaintance of every +desirable person who visited the village, and moreover her Boston +relatives were always eager to have her for a guest, as she was +interested in all their favorite pursuits in an entirely original way.</p> + +<p>Another girl lived in one little town till she was thirty, and then +married a man of culture whose home was in the city. His sisters said +she was a beauty and had good taste in dress; and they thought these +things had captivated their brother. But first they had to own that she +was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span> a woman of fine character, good-tempered, dignified, truthful and +modest, for these virtues flourish in the country quite as often as in +the city. But still, they knew that she had had no education, and they +expected no intellectual companionship. Then it proved that she had read +more thoughtfully than they had. They belonged to a dozen literary +societies, but the one little village Shakespeare Club had done good +work. The sisters always went to the theatre every week in the winter, +but the bride who could count on her fingers the plays she had heard, +had selected these so carefully that her taste was already well formed. +Then she proved to be musical. Small as the village was, there had been +one young lady in it who had had the best musical advantages. Our +heroine had not let this opportunity slip. She had not heard many +concerts, but she had practiced the best music. She had studied Latin, +of course, in the village high school, and French with a French lady who +spent her summers in the neighborhood. She had treated herself every +year to five dollars' worth of Soule's photographs, and she had studied +these so carefully that she really knew something of the great artists.</p> + +<p>Then she had traveled! She had begun to teach in her own village when +she was eighteen, and every summer she had spent a little of her salary +in some interesting trip. As a teacher, she had taken advantage of +excursion rates to the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span> great National Teachers' Institutes. In this way +she had visited most sections of the United States. And she had planned +her trips so thoughtfully that she had been alive to everything which +was to be seen. Once she had even taken the accumulations of several +years and spent her summer abroad. The sisters looked scornful at this. +How could anybody see anything worth seeing with an excursion party? Yet +they had to own that what we see depends on the eyes we have as much as +on our surroundings. She could not see everything in three months, but +she knew what she wanted to see, and she had thoroughly assimilated that +by much thought about it before and after the journey.</p> + +<p>She had once spent six weeks at a summer school of languages, and had +devoted herself so energetically to German that she had been able to go +on reading it by herself, and thus in a few years she had become +familiar with some of the masterpieces of its literature. But the +sisters were most astonished when they found her reading Italian one +day—Dante, too, which was too hard for them. The explanation of this +was that for some years the Catholic priest in her native village had +been a good-natured Tuscan who had been glad to exchange Italian for +English with her.</p> + +<p>You see, she had had no regular education and no money but what she +earned, yet by choosing the best within reach at all times she had +become<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span> as cultivated as her sisters-in-law who had had every +opportunity.</p> + +<p>All women are not so fond of study; but they may be cultivated, +nevertheless. The finest manners I have ever seen belong to a woman who +has lived all her life in the house where she was born in a little town +in New England. She never went away to school, and has not the student +temperament, though she is gifted in every direction. She has a love of +beauty which has led her to make everything beautiful around her. She +has had little musical training, yet her playing and singing have always +had the indefinable musical quality. She has read a good deal, +especially of the best novels and poetry, but "All for love and nothing +for reward." She has traveled from time to time a little when she could +spare the money, but always for pleasure and not to improve her mind.</p> + +<p>She has had no artistic training, but with meagre materials she arranges +tableaux which are famed throughout the county, and on every public +occasion in the village she decorates the Town Hall exquisitely. She has +added wonderfully to the happiness of the place by always following her +love of beauty, making everything she touches beautiful without any +pretense or even any consciousness of having a mission.</p> + +<p>So women may be cultivated in the country as well as in the city. But +some one may say that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span> the hard workers have no time for culture. It +does seem to be true that hard workers need to use more sagacity than +others not to let their work crowd out everything else. They have one +advantage. Nobody can be really cultivated without learning some one +thing thoroughly. This their work compels workers to do. And the +building is more important than its decoration, though without the +decoration it may be a sombre structure.</p> + +<p>Now, hard workers obviously cannot study French and German and Italian +and music and art, at least all at once, and if they try and so crowd +out all their little leisure, they miss the better culture which is +within their reach. What must you who are hard workers take time to do?</p> + +<p>1. Take a little time to think. Especially try to judge fairly in +every-day matters. Culture, demands balance of mind; but is not that as +good when it comes from thought as from study? If the subject in hand is +one of which you do not know enough to judge, study it, if you have +time. If not, suspend your judgment. That will show true culture. For +instance, do not be a violent partisan either for or against the tariff +unless you have carefully examined the arguments on both sides. Few +perhaps have time to do that. You will still have an opinion. The few +arguments you have studied all point in one direction. The people you +trust most believe in one measure.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span> Very well, keep your opinion. If you +were a voter you might even vote in the way you believe to be best; but +do not allow yourself to be violent or to denounce everybody whose +judgment differs from yours.</p> + +<p>2. Try to be enough at leisure to observe little courtesies. Hard +workers are in danger of being irritable and hurried and careless of the +trifles which add so much to the beauty and dignity of life. Of course +my injunction includes some social life. We get much of our best +intellectual as well as moral life from contact with others.</p> + +<p>3. Keep open every avenue to beauty. You have no time to study, but read +a few beautiful and noble sentences every day. You have no time to +practice music; then it is doubly necessary to hear all you can and the +best that you can. And you can always look at beauty. There is always a +strip of blue sky with its stars at night. And there are few who could +not see a beautiful sunset almost every day in the year if they made it +a happy duty to look at it. I have often thought that any one who would +persist in seeing this one vision every day would be lifted up above +most of the turmoil of life.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="VIII" id="VIII"></a>VIII.</h2> + +<h3>THE ESSENTIALS OF A LADY.</h3> + +<p>Within the last twenty-five years the wish to be considered a lady has +spread so among all classes of American women as to have become almost +ridiculous, as in the authentic case of the individual who presented +herself at the front door of a fine house, and describing herself as an +ash-<i>lady</i>, inquired for the <i>woman</i> of the house. It has been so often +repeated that: "The rank is but the guinea's stamp," and that "A man's a +man for a' that," that all the ash-ladies and wash-ladies of the land +have hastily concluded that the term "lady" stands for nothing +substantial.</p> + +<p>I will not say that a washer-woman may not be a lady. It is certainly +possible for her to have all the essentials of a lady. But such a case +is so rare that I think we are justified in taking the contrary for +granted till we have proof of the fact. Not there are washer-women so +truthful, unselfish, and noble in character that they are far superior +as women to many whom we may fairly call ladies. Such women usually have +self-respect enough to understand that they lose rather than gain +dignity in claiming to be anything they are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span> not. The essential point in +life is not the being considered a lady. It is not even to be a lady, +though that is a beautiful thing. A woman is like a vigorous plant, with +strong roots firmly fixed in the soil and abundant fresh green leaves. A +lady is such a plant crowned by a beautiful blossom. You have sometimes +seen a plant, a geranium, for instance, which had lost all its leaves, +and yet bore at the top of its crooked stem a cluster of flowers. Such +flowers are not very beautiful. The thrifty plant without a blossom is +more beautiful. Of course my moral is this, that while the term "lady" +does mean something different from "woman," it is only as a crown of +womanhood that it is really significant.</p> + +<p>Every girl should try to be a lady, however, and every girl who +sincerely tries will have some measure of success. I remember when I was +a girl, I once said to a high-bred woman, "Do you think, after all, that +Mrs. A. is much of a lady?" She replied so firmly as to crush me for the +time, "One is either a lady or she is not a lady." I supposed she was +right, and that there were no stages on the perilous upward path which +led to being a lady. I have changed my mind now. I think each of us may +have some virtues without having all the virtues. I think with Emerson +that in a society of gentlemen and ladies we shall find no complete +gentleman and no complete lady; and so I say that every girl who tries +to be a lady<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span> will have some measure of success. I do not mean that she +should try to be recognized as a lady. If she is one she will probably, +but not certainly, be so recognized. In a small community, where she can +be known personally, she will be sure of her place, but not in a large +town.</p> + +<p>Oliver Wendell Holmes, speaking in England, said something to this +effect: "You think we have no classes in America because we have no +titles to distinguish them. But a barbed wire fence is as effectual in +keeping out intruders as one of boards, though you can see the boards +and the barbed wire is invisible."</p> + +<p>Why is a barbed wire fence put up in America? Because there is a real +difference between coarse people and refined people, even when both have +the best intentions. To be sure there are other less valid reasons. +There are coarse people whom accident has put among the higher classes, +who make themselves ridiculous by putting up a fence between themselves +and poorer people even when the poor are refined. Nevertheless, there is +a true basis for distinction of classes. Only the distinction is not as +sharp as many would have it. The highly refined and the very coarse have +so little in common that they can never associate with comfort. But the +highly refined do not need barbed wire between themselves and those with +one degree less of cultivation. We can always reach one hand to those +below us, and if we reach<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span> the other to those above us, we shall be able +to lift the lower to our plane instead of sinking to theirs. Such a +chain of love, reaching from the lowest to the highest, is the ideal +society, and the highest man does not need to lift all his fellows up by +his unaided strength, because there is infinite help above him.</p> + +<p>But in the unideal present most of us will sometimes be called upon to +stand outside the charmed circle of barbed wire which incloses more +fortunate mortals, in spite of all we can do for ourselves. We may be +better women than those within the circle, we may be better-educated, +more careful in our habits, and our manners may be finer, and yet we may +not have the magic word which would admit us. There is no doubt, for +instance, that blood and breeding do tell powerfully in refinement. I +can think of half a dozen women, however, of no birth at all in the +ordinary sense, and of no home education, who have blossomed into the +loveliest and most refined of women. In one case, the ancestors had for +generations been earnestly religious, so that the girl was really of +noble birth and predestined to refinement, though she had nothing to +help her in the world's estimation. But some of the girls came from +wretched homes, some of them did not even have good mothers, and one was +the illegitimate daughter of a servant girl. But they all had aspiration +and intellect, and their refinement<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span> was not only wonderful under the +circumstances, but wonderful under any circumstances. They were suitable +associates for the most exclusive ladies in our cities so far as genuine +refinement goes, only as their experience of life was much wider than +that of these carefully guarded dames, perhaps they would not have +assimilated very well with them after all.</p> + +<p>Of course, the exclusive circles are suspicious of women whose +antecedents are like these, and perhaps they have a right to be +suspicious, because these girls were certainly exceptions to the rule. +At all events, none of us can help ourselves by grasping at a position. +We may, to be sure, get invitations sometimes if we are vulgar enough to +ask for them, but we shall find the barbed wire fence even in the +drawing-room to which we have been admitted. We must be content to stand +outside every circle till we are invited to enter it, and our +self-respect must heal our wounded pride.</p> + +<p>One thing, however, we can do. We can quietly resist being patronized. +We are not often called upon to accept favors from those who are not our +superiors but who condescend to us because we are poor or obscure. It is +true we must be humble, and we need not resent such favors, but we must +beware of being flattered by the notice of any one who is simply rich or +powerful. When we recognize true superiority either in the rich or the +poor, we ought to be glad to acknowl<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span>edge it. We can accept a favor from +those who are really above us, though we know we cannot return it. And +we can always be ready to do our best work for others whether they +slight us or not. That does not show a mean but a noble spirit.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>What are the essentials of a lady?</p> + +<p>A knowledge of the manners of the world is generally considered +necessary if one would be a lady. Even where customs themselves are +trivial, ignorance of them makes a woman awkward and self-conscious, so +that she does not have the grace we associate with a perfect lady. +Etiquette is superficial, it is true, but it has a genuine value. The +manners which belong instinctively to a woman of kindness and refinement +are a far better test of her real rank.</p> + +<p>I think, on the whole, a lady is most quickly recognized by her purity. +Even a pure enunciation is a sign of a lady, for it gives a certain +beauty of speech rarely heard except among those not only carefully +educated, but brought up among those who have the same habits. And +nobody is quite willing to pronounce any one a lady who is not +exquisitely neat in her personal habits. These, to be sure, are only an +outward and visible sign, but they point clearly to something within. +Somebody is sure to remember a class of New England housekeepers who +spend all their time scrubbing<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span> floors and have no spirit left for +anything else, and ask if they have the visible stamp of a lady. The +idea of neatness is so distorted in them that we cannot admire it very +much, yet perhaps it is their one connecting link with refinement. Such +women, however, are, curiously enough, seldom particularly neat in their +personal habits. Their dress is often untidy, their hair uncombed, they +are careless about bathing, and their teeth are neglected. Personal +neatness is far more characteristic of a lady than neatness of +surroundings, and cleanliness is better than order. The lover of +"Shirley" says, "I have often seen her with a torn sleeve, but the arm +beneath it was white."</p> + +<p>Somebody else will say that neatness is, after all, a luxury beyond the +means of poor people. How can you be clean when you do dirty work? It +takes either time or money. I know a wealthy lady who used to be poor, +who says that for years she could never afford as much washing as she +thought indispensable, and she was too much of an invalid to do her own +washing. Nevertheless, she was always a lady and always looked like one, +though her dresses were sometimes absurdly old-fashioned. I should say +that her love of neatness was so strong that she sacrificed less +important things to it, and always did reach a high standard, though not +the standard of luxury.</p> + +<p>I know a gentleman whose lot has been to do the heaviest and dirtiest +work on a ranch for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span> years, and yet his hands to the tips of his +fingernails look as if he had just come from a manicure's. I suppose he +has been determined that his hands should be clean and has been willing +to take the trouble to keep them so. Still, we ought to make some +allowance for poverty in our estimate of neatness. "Why are you building +an addition to your house?" asked one lady of another. "Oh, for Mr. B.'s +tooth-brushes," replied Mrs. B, carelessly. "When a man has been brought +up as Mr. B. has been, his tooth-brushes take up a great deal of room."</p> + +<p>I have said all this of outward purity, because it is easier to speak of +this, but it is still more the purity of mind and character which +distinguishes a lady. In some classes of society even in America girls +are kept almost isolated chiefly to preserve their purity of thought. +Purity, even the purity of ignorance, is beautiful, but such purity has +not deep foundations, and I cannot think that girls are best guarded in +this way. Nevertheless, purity is so essential to a lady that such girls +will always be counted as ladies.</p> + +<p>The love of beauty is characteristic of a real lady. This is recognized +in some measure. Girls are taught dancing and music and something of +art. They listen to good music even if they are not musicians, and they +look at good pictures if they cannot paint them. This is partly a matter +of fashion, but it has a genuine root. And so<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span> with the beauty of dress, +and of the home. Both these ought to be beautiful, but as few women are +artistic enough to design anything, they follow the fashion. In this way +they escape criticism from their companions who are like them. But the +moment ugly dress or furniture is out of fashion its ugliness is +apparent. I suppose most of us must be content to be tyrannized over +more or less by fashion, or by fashion and poverty combined, till we +develop greater genius in working out the problem of how to make our +surroundings beautiful. I would simply suggest that we should resist +fashions we know to be hideous, and try to follow those which commend +themselves to our sense of beauty.</p> + +<p>The two forms of beauty which are free to all of us are, I think, most +neglected, and more neglected among those who are surest of their title +as ladies than among those of more modest pretensions. These are poetry +and nature. To read beautiful poems constantly and to learn them by +heart, and to look out day by day on the glory of the world—these +things give higher refinement than can be won by anything else merely +intellectual. And such a love of beauty usually has deep springs in the +moral nature.</p> + +<p>Education has so much to do with refinement that we expect a lady to be +educated as a matter of course, at least in some directions, mathematics +and science being thus far not included. George<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span> Eliot says of Nancy in +"Silas Marner," that she often used ungrammatical language, and was not +highly educated, but that she was a thorough lady because she had +delicate personal habits and high rectitude.</p> + +<p>This brings us to the deep foundations. A lady must be truthful. And the +outward marks of truthfulness are sometimes recognized when their source +is misunderstood. The lady wears real lace instead of a showy imitation. +If she cannot afford what is real, she goes without. She is as careful +about neat underclothing as neat dress. She does not pretend to +accomplishments she has not. Indeed, the modesty essential to a lady is +intimately connected with truthfulness. When she is wrong she does not +think it beneath her dignity to own it. She never allows blame which +belongs to her to fall on any one else. She makes no display. She wishes +to be loved for herself and not because she belongs to the "best set," +so she does not take pains to introduce the names of great acquaintances +into her conversation. And of course she always tells the truth. She may +observe all these things simply because it is good form, but a truthful +woman will observe them without knowing they are good form, and she will +be the real lady.</p> + +<p>But one may have all the qualities we have enumerated and yet miss the +charm we associate with the name "lady." A truthful person may<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span> not be +kind. A woman may love beauty and still be hard. A perfectly pure woman +may be unfeeling, perhaps all the more because she needs no charity +herself. But a woman who does not show consideration for others cannot +be an ideal lady. If she is considerate in a mechanical way, because she +knows a lady must be so, it does not amount to much. And some women do +all they can for others from a sense of duty. They study to make others +happy in even trivial ways. They are good women, and on the +whole—ladies. But the woman whose love for others is spontaneous, who +sheds the radiance of kindness about her because she cannot help it—she +is the lovely lady whose charm we all feel. Truth and love are the +eternal foundations of the character of a real lady.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="IX" id="IX"></a>IX</h2> + +<h3>THE PROBLEM OF CHARITY.</h3> + +<p>I suppose every large-hearted girl wishes to do some work which will add +to the happiness of others, and most girls would like to do a little, at +least, outside of their own immediate circle. It seems to me that the +most beautiful charity is always that which is done within one's own +circle. There is the personal giving, the real denial of ourselves for +others, the doing of the duties which come to us rather than of those we +have fancifully chosen. And these duties are done for love.</p> + +<p>Do you remember how Mrs. Pardiggle in "Bleak House" tried to interest +Esther and Ada in some great schemes for doing good by wholesale, and +how Esther modestly answered that they hardly felt equal to such great +things, but that they hoped if they were careful to do all they could +for those immediately about them their circle would gradually widen? +This is the ideal way to do good. You help your neighbor simply without +any pretense or self-consciousness. She helps her neighbor, and so on. +There need be no break in the chain from lowest to highest. Mrs. Whitney +has taught beautiful lessons of this kind<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span> in her stories, emphasizing +the theory of "nexts." I have often thought this was the only kind of +charity which did not injure the giver; for the moment we try to help +those perceptibly below us we are apt to be condescending and to feel a +secret pride. Probably this inward satisfaction accounts for the +readiness of many people to undertake forms of missionary work, though +they are by no means thoughtful of those around them. There has often +been bitter criticism of foreign missions to the heathen on this ground. +Part of it is, no doubt, just. But as bitter criticism might be made of +much noble work at home, like that of the Associated Charities, for +instance.</p> + +<p>In Boston, it is said, there is not one woman of any standing in society +who is not interested in some charity. Most of their work is probably +genuine. It is done from a sincere wish to do the best thing—very +likely in many cases simply to ease the importunate New England +conscience, yet also, no doubt, with the hope of relieving suffering. +But we can hardly hope that much of it is ideal since the true charity +is "Not what we give but what we share."</p> + +<p>The women who are readiest to give their money and even their time to +the desperately poor do not like to share their pew in church with some +quiet person whom they consider below them in the social scale. Some one +tells of a woman who spent all her time in going about<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span> among the poor +giving practical help, but who really cared so little about those she +helped that every day on her return from her rounds she amused the +family by satirizing her pensioners. She could not love them, perhaps, +and it may still have been an excellent thing for her to help them. +Nevertheless, this was not the ideal charity.</p> + +<p>There are a great many girls who would like to do some definite +charitable work. They would like to be the founders of a great charity. +They are ambitious, and their ambition is, on the whole, a noble one. +Some of them are so sweet and generous to everybody about them that I +really think they might be trusted to do something on a large scale. One +of them might even oversee an orphan asylum; yet I do not think she +could be such a blessing to little children as is a woman I know who is +the matron of such an institution, for this woman had an unsympathetic +step-mother, and she learned through a lonely childhood how to pity +motherless children, and I heard a thoughtful woman say of her orphan +asylum, "It was a shabby place, but beautiful to me because there was +such a motherly atmosphere about it."</p> + +<p>Others of these girls are too intolerant of everybody outside their own +particular set to be allowed to do any work for the poor except to give +money, and even then there is danger they may be so lifted up by a sense +of their own goodness that perhaps it would be better for them +personally to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span> spend the money extravagantly, for then they would +certainly be ashamed of themselves. Nevertheless, the poor need their +money, so perhaps it is better they should give it.</p> + +<p>This brings me to another point. In the country it is still possible to +keep to the ideal neighborly charity, but in the city there are quarters +where the misery is wholesale, and wholesale scientific methods must be +applied to relieve it. The Associated Charities in Boston, for instance, +do a kind of work which must be done unless we are willing to sit down +and let all the innocent suffer with the guilty. And many of the leaders +have the ideal spirit, and they hold up ideal standards for the visitors +of the poor, that is, they ask us to visit the poor with love in our +hearts. The work to be done in cities is so enormous that every woman of +leisure who feels the desire to help should certainly be encouraged to +do so, and I am even inclined to think that where so well-organized a +system exists as in the Associated Charities, it is a saving of energy +for her to put herself under its direction though not so wholly as to +allow her no means or leisure for her personal sphere of action to +expand naturally.</p> + +<p>As long as we try to do the nearest duties there will always be failure +enough to keep us humble and to make it safe for us spiritually to +undertake something beyond. A girl tries to help her brothers, and +instead of admiring her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span> for it they frankly tell her how far she fulls +short. But if she does a tithe as much for the poor she is likely to get +some thanks, more or less sincere, and all her circle of friends admire +her. This pleasant encouragement does her no harm as long as she has the +antidote of the family criticism, so I would let every ardent woman have +some outside work, and the Associated Charities will find room for every +worker. Some women can help children by teaching them and amusing them, +and this is the most efficient kind of work, for it prevents crime and +misery. Some can sew for the poor, some can cook, some can manage +tenement houses as Octavia Hill has done.</p> + +<p>To give what we call practical help we must be practical ourselves. I +think if the busy housekeepers who do their own work have time to visit +the poor, their suggestions are of infinitely more value than any given +by rich ladies who are making a business of charity; but such women have +little time, so the rich must humbly try to take their place.</p> + +<p>I know a charming girl whose mother does not allow her to go into the +kitchen. She found great difficulty at school in learning the weights +and measures, and at last her teacher asked her if she had ever seen a +quart measure, to which she replied doubtfully that she was not quite +sure. A few years hence she is certain to be what is called a "friendly +visitor." I have no question about<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span> her friendliness, and the poor will +bless her sweet face, especially when she gives them money freely, as +she can easily do, but I should not expect her to be able to give them +very useful advice about spending money—which they need still more. It +must not be supposed, however, that I scorn the kind of work she can do. +There is something better to be done for the poor than to teach them +economy—even a wise economy—it is to rouse their higher nature. I +should think that no one could be an hour with this young girl without +having some aspiration to be noble.</p> + +<p>A beautiful and graceful woman has a unique work to do for the poor. It +is on the same principle that the Princess of Wales can give pleasure by +simply distributing the flowers in a hospital with her own hands. It is +possible for beauty to condescend without wounding. A woman who is not +outwardly attractive must do a different kind of work. The first brings +a poetic element into a dreary life, and may even in this way arouse the +aspiration for an unattainable ideal. But a plain and awkward woman may +be the inspiration of a still higher ideal by the radiance of her +goodness.</p> + +<p>When girls ask me, as they often do, <i>what</i> they shall do for others, I +find it impossible to answer. Their talents and their opportunities must +decide the particular form of work. But its real value will depend +entirely on what they are. I can only say that there is so much work to +be done that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span> each must do all she can; that she must choose the thing +she can do best and persevere with that quietly, not trying to do many +kinds of work at once; that all she does must be done with love; and +that above all things she must not forget that her own circle of family +and friends shows plainly the centre from which God wishes her to begin +to work.</p> + +<p>To the women who live in the country the circle widens naturally and +beautifully. If a neighbor is ill, one sends in delicacies to the +invalid, another offers to take care of the children, and a third acts +as watcher. When a drunkard reduces his family to destitution, one +neighbor sends a breakfast to them, another flannel for the baby, +another finds work for the oldest girl, and another pays the boys a +trifle for bringing wood and water. The cases of actual destitution are +so few that they can all be met in this way unless the sufferers are too +proud to let their wants be known; and even then there is sure to be +some real friend who goes to see them naturally without any thought of +being a friendly visitor, and thus comes to the rescue.</p> + +<p>Charity in the country is the natural flower of a loving heart. If a +woman has a beautiful home in the country, it stands for a refining +influence for the whole village, for she usually opens it to those of +her neighbors who can appreciate it, since in the country there are not +too many people, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span> those of like tastes meet without regard to +differences of fortune.</p> + +<p>A woman in the country who has even a collection of photographs of +beautiful pictures can easily make them a real blessing to many who have +no other avenue open to art. And so with books. One owns a copy of +Plato, another of Dante, another of Goethe, and these books circulate +freely among all who care to read them. They are better than a public +library where the books must be hurried back at a given date. They are +sometimes even better than large private libraries where the number of +books is distracting.</p> + +<p>I know a young lady who is the only highly educated musician in a little +country village. She sings in the choir and makes the church service a +new thing. She good-naturedly steps in and trains the children in their +choruses for festival occasions. She has invited half a dozen young +fellows to form a glee club and sing one evening a week in her parlor. +They all have musical talent, and they are capable of appreciating her +attractive manners, but they had not before thought of any better way of +spending their evenings than in screaming about the streets. If a poor +girl has a good voice, this young lady finds time to teach her to sing. +I do not think it ever entered her mind that she was doing charitable +work. The work was directly in her pathway. She could do it, and having +a large, loving heart,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span> she has done it. But there is no one in the +village who has done so much to raise the tone of life there.</p> + +<p>So the improvement of a country town goes on exactly in proportion to +the loving-kindness of the people and their willingness to share +whatever material and mental treasures they may have. Perhaps the same +is true in the city; but the number of treasures to be shared, as well +as the number of people to share them, is so bewildering that it is next +to impossible to bring form out of the chaos without employing +scientific middlemen, and the fascination about helping others almost +vanishes.</p> + +<p>Nevertheless, let us cling to the doctrine that</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>"'T is love, 't is love, 't is love that makes the world go round,"</div> +</div></div> + +<p>and even in the city we may all have hope.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="X" id="X"></a>X.</h2> + +<h3>THE ESSENTIALS OF A HOME.</h3> + +<p>Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred +therewith.</p> + +<p>That is, it is the family which makes the home, and this is even truer +of the mother and her daughters than of the father and his sons. +Sometimes even one sunshiny spirit in a house transforms it, and where +all the family are in harmony there cannot fail to be a home in the best +sense.</p> + +<p>But there are virtues and virtues. "I admire Miss Strong, indeed I love +her," I heard a lady say not long ago, "but I can't imagine her making a +beautiful home under any circumstances." Yet Miss Strong is gentle, +sweet-tempered, thoroughly unselfish and high-minded, quiet and +unobtrusive, neat and well-bred. Then what is wanting in Miss Strong?</p> + +<p>"I think it will be best for Jenny to teach," wrote another lady in +regard to a young girl in whom she was deeply interested, and whose +gifts and graces she had been cataloguing at great length. "At least, +what else is there for a woman to do who is thoroughly feminine but not +at all domestic?"</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span>We think of unselfishness as the first need of a woman who is to be the +presiding genius of a home; but both Miss Strong and Jenny are +conspicuously unselfish.</p> + +<p>It seems that though a fine character, and particularly a loving one, +must be the foundation of the home, yet certain special qualities are +necessary. Among the thousands who have read "Robert Elsmere" does any +one feel that Catherine, with all her earnestness and deep love of +others, made her girlhood's home a pleasant place? She was ready to give +up a home of her own, thinking her mother and sisters needed her, and +yet her sister Rose, at least, was secretly longing to be free from the +constant influence of such severe moral standards. In short, Catherine +did not make her home comfortable.</p> + +<p>Comfort, I think, enters into every idea of a home. We wish to be +unrestrained there. That, however, is a different thing from being +lawless. There must be moral restraints, even for the sake of the +comfort itself. Otherwise, the freedom of one interferes with the +freedom of another, and finally the reaction tells in the discomfort of +all.</p> + +<p>Physical comfort is necessary in a home. Some of the best women do not +understand this. They are disgusted with the sarcasm that "The road to a +man's heart is through his dinner." That would be disgusting if it were +the whole truth. But we must all eat every day of our lives, and +appetizing<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span> food prettily served adds much to the comfort of the day. +Indeed, without it only a boor or a saint can be really comfortable.</p> + +<p>Women who are good cooks are sometimes ill-tempered and refuse to +exercise their art. But discomfort in the matter of dinner usually comes +from a different kind of housekeeper. There are some women who think it +is a weakness to care about food. Their rule is, "Eat what is set before +you, asking no questions," a sufficiently good rule for those who are +dining, but a miserable one for the housekeeper to force upon others. +There are still other women who have a definite opinion as to diet. They +have studied food from a hygienic point of view, and they watch the +effect of every mouthful. Such a study ought to be useful, but in point +of fact it is a frequent source of discomfort. Nothing ever digests well +when our mind is concentrated on our digestion. One difficulty may be +this. The women who have turned their attention to this subject have +often done so because they were invalids. They find certain food +injurious to them and decide it is injurious to everybody. So a whole +healthy household is restricted to the invalid's bill of fare. The +housekeeper is so certain she is doing her duty, that she easily steels +her heart against the murmurs of her family, and the discomfort +continues. A thoroughly healthy woman, however, will provide all the +better for her family if she understands the effect of different +articles of diet.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span>To be comfortable, a house should be warm enough. Of course, I do not +mean that we need to breathe the superheated atmosphere which foreigners +criticise in most American houses. It is the mother of the family who +must correct this. She can easily do so, because she has it entirely in +her power to form the habits of her children in this particular, and it +is rarely the case that a man likes an overheated room until he has been +trained by his more sensitive wife to bear it.</p> + +<p>But I mean that nothing physical takes from the comfort of a home so +much as chilliness. So long as we are warm enough we may relish a very +frugal dinner, but a feast is unappetizing in a cold room. Indeed, I +believe we may economize in anything better than in fuel. It gives a +great sense of comfort in going into a house to find it warm all +through. Many people, however, cannot afford such luxury. But if you can +only have one fire in the house, see that that is always burning; and if +it must be in the kitchen in the cooking-stove, keep the stove so bright +that its black ugliness is a centre radiating cheerfulness. There are +plenty of homes in which there is no need of stint, where through +carelessness and neglect there are times when everybody in the house is +shivering, while perhaps at other times half the rooms are at a red +heat.</p> + +<p>I remember one of Charles Reade's heroes who was wavering between the +attractions of two wo<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span>men, and the novelist represents the simpler of +the two as being careful that there should always be a blazing hearth +when the lover came. This innocent device gave him a sense of comfort +which almost won his heart. It seemed to me a touch of truth.</p> + +<p>We cannot all afford open wood fires, though their beauty and +healthfulness make us wish we could; but most of us can keep the "clear +fire" and the "clean hearth," which Mrs. Battle wisely considered the +proper preliminaries to the "rigor of the game."</p> + +<p>Though we want warm homes, we do not want close ones. Most houses are +not very well ventilated, and if we keep our windows open in winter +weather, we must expect our bill for fuel to be a large one. Some of us +are too poor to disregard this fact, but most of us could probably +afford to save enough in our dress to meet what I may call this +necessary extravagance. I have seen a great many landladies who looked +so severe on seeing a window open in a room where the register was also +open, that the unhappy boarder felt at once like a culprit for even +desiring both warmth and fresh air at the same time. Once, however, I +had the good fortune to know a woman of different views. She bought a +house expressly with the intention of letting it to transient lodgers. +She found, as is common, that the furnace-heated air which passed +through the registers into the rooms<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span> came from the cellar. She +immediately made alterations, so that the fresh outside air should be +heated and carried over the house. "It costs more," she said, "but dear +me! what is expense to fresh air?" Moreover she said so much to her +lodgers about the necessity of fresh air, that all the windows in the +house were always streaming open. "I once knew a lady who died of +pneumonia from airing her room too much," said the landlady, "but that +was a beautiful death!"</p> + +<p>I doubt whether there is comfort under a system of ventilation which +induces pneumonia, but it certainly is luxury as well as comfort to let +in all the fresh air we want and not to stint fuel.</p> + +<p>Plenty of light is another essential in a home. Most city houses are +deficient in sunlight, and most of them, however richly furnished, are +accordingly depressing. Whether or not the dreams of socialists can ever +be realized we do not know, but none is more alluring than that of the +disappearance of blocks of houses. If every house could stand in the +midst of its own garden, the gain would be as great in inner comfort as +in outward beauty.</p> + +<p>No one can tell the amount of near-sightedness caused by the effort to +read and write in our dark city houses. Rich people ought to be +extravagant in the matter of light. Corner lots are worth buying, and it +is worth while to live on "streets with only one side."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span>And when natural light fails let us have enough of the artificial. Even +the poor who cannot have electricity or gas hardly need economize here +with kerosene at its present rates. A kerosene lamp, to be sure, is not +often a beautiful or poetical object, but with the right kind of care +the vile odor may be suppressed, and though this involves an additional +burden for the housekeeper, light is too essential for the work to be +grudged. A sufficient number of <i>clean</i> kerosene lamps will make a house +cheerful from one end to the other. Now I have often noticed that women +who are compelled to economize in little things are inclined to +economize in all things. They will strain their eyes for fifteen minutes +after it is too dark to sew, they will sit in a room dimly lighted by +one lamp when two are necessary to make it attractive, without stopping +to think that twelve or fifteen cents worth of oil would supply three +large lamps for a week! And in this way they sacrifice not only +cheerfulness, but opportunities for all the family to do easy and +comfortable work.</p> + +<p>Cleanliness is as essential in a home as over-neatness is destructive to +it. There is nothing homelike in any room that is in perfect order; but, +on the other hand, there is little of the home feeling in a room that is +not bright and fresh with cleanliness. Tables littered with books, +chairs and sofas strewn with gloves and ribbons, and even a floor +encumbered with a prostrate doll<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span> or two, are cheerful; a trail of +leaves and mosses from a basket of woodland treasures is endurable dirt. +But dust in the corners which shows the dirt to be chronic and not +accidental, unwashed windows, dingy mirrors, etc., etc., have no +redeeming quality. It is a good thing for the mother of the family to +love order, but there is ample scope for that in keeping every closet +and drawer and box and basket in a dainty condition. However neat a room +may be, it is odious the moment an open drawer or closet reveals +disorder. The meaning of this is that the disorder which comes from +daily happy living is delightful, and that is what we see in the large +confusion of a room when in use; but the disorder which comes from +carelessness about finding a convenient place for everything, and from +laziness about putting things in their places when we have done using +them, is not beautiful.</p> + +<p>For the kind of neatness which makes a home homelike we must have room +enough, but not too much room. This is rather a vague statement, I know, +but the actual measurements of a house should vary with circumstances; +for example, a large room with few people in it will always be stiff, +even if it is splendid; while a small room filled with useless +<i>bric-à-brac</i> will be uncomfortable even with a solitary occupant. On +the subject of <i>bric-à-brac</i> I feel strongly, and I will speak of it +more fully elsewhere.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span>But I do not include pictures in the term <i>bric-à-brac.</i> There ought to +be pictures in every home for their intrinsic value. Fortunately they +take up little room and are easily kept in order. Many of us do not +agree about pictures. Most Americans who buy oil paintings advertise +their want of cultivation in their choice, and even those who rigidly +confine themselves to engravings and photographs of the old masters do +not succeed much better. I remember a man, the son of a country +minister, who knew pictures only from the literary side. He was a great +reader, and had been familiar with the names of Raphael and Da Vinci and +Dürer from childhood. He knew well what were their masterpieces, and +when he went abroad he bought hundreds of photographs of these works. +His house was full of pictures; there was not one among them which was +not a copy of something really beautiful, and not one copy which had any +beauty in itself. This man had not the sense of beauty, though he had +the moral sense which led him always to wish for the best.</p> + +<p>But all any of us can do is to express the best we know. The essential +quality in pictures in our own homes is that they should express the +best we ourselves have reached. Still, many pictures of high artistic +merit are wanting in the real home charm. I believe most of those which +hang on our walls and are always before our eyes should be cheerful in +character. I sympathize<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span> with the old abbess who chose to have her rooms +frescoed with Correggio's happy cherubs, and who liked to have +constantly before her, though in a convent, his goddess Diana, whose +smile some one has said is full of "resolute sweetness."</p> + +<p>I remember once having to pass a bitter hour of waiting in the +drawing-room of a physician well known for his high culture. Every +picture in the room was a work of art, but every one was solemn and even +severe. Dante, Savonarola, the tombs of the Medici, etc., etc., afforded +no escape from sad thoughts. The only relief was in the sweet serenity +of Emerson's face, and even in this instance the most severe of all the +portraits had been chosen. There was not one point of color in any of +the pictures, but indeed most of us cannot afford paintings that are +good for anything, so I could not quarrel with that.</p> + +<p>For a daily companion I would rather have a Raphael than a Michael +Angelo, and though for love I would slip in a Millet or two, I should +not want a room full of Millets.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>The heavy furniture of a home should be comfortable first of all. The +chairs should not all be of the same size and height any more than the +people. Arm-chairs are better than rocking-chairs, as they are less in +the way. The furniture should not be light enough to be easily +overturned, but the castors should always run easily.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span> A lounge is a +homelike piece of furniture, but let us hope it need not be much used.</p> + +<p>A word more to the young woman who is choosing furniture for half a +life-time. Fancy you have it to dust! You may have an army of servants, +but certain patterns of furniture can never be kept clean. I remember +two friends who chose furniture at the same time. It was the era of +black walnut and green rep, and they chose sets looking much alike. But +in one case the walnut was elaborately carved,—by machinery, which made +it all the rougher,—and there were many little grooves to invite the +dust in the upholstery; while in the other case the wood was simply +moulded and polished, and the cloth was so put on that one or two +vigorous strokes of a brush would cleanse it. It is true that heavy wood +carved by hand is beautiful enough to repay us for its care, but that +being smoothly finished does not catch very much dust.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>The evening should be the crown of the day in a home. There are few +homes where the evenings are as homelike as they could easily be. This +is partly because there are so many outside attractions both in the city +and country. Now I am not of those who think it praiseworthy to be +always at home. I was told the other day of a steady young man who had +not been out an evening in three years. I felt no enthusiasm about<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span> him. +I think outside interests are absolutely necessary for any fresh or +large life. But I think when we find ourselves going out as many as half +our evenings, we are really dissipated, unless the circumstances are of +a very unusual character, for we need as many as three or four evenings +in a week to develop true home life. But in stay-at-home families, +though the evenings are pleasant, I think they are seldom ideal. The +reason for this is that the days are so crowded. The father and mother +are tired, and, moreover, the father has no other time to read his +unnecessarily voluminous newspaper, and the mother has no other time to +do her unnecessarily elaborate sewing, while the children generally have +lessons to study. Even then, a cosy room, with plenty of fire and light, +where all the family meet together and feel no restraint, is a cheerful +though a silent place. And we cannot all escape overwork however +valiantly we fight our battle with non-essentials. Those who work ten +hours in a factory, for example, have very little space for the other +essentials of life, and there must be crowding. But some of us could +simplify the day and so find room for unmitigated enjoyment in the +evening. Sometimes sewing is pleasant in itself when cheerful +conversation or reading is going on about us. I suppose the mother's +work-basket will usually form an attractive nucleus in any home picture, +and if there is not too much or too anxious sewing,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span> I believe most +women like it. And a moderate newspaper need not monopolize a whole +evening. There are occasionally times when a careless child should be +made to study a lesson at night. But the ideal evening at home is +social, and its occupations are such that all can join in them. For +myself I believe very fully in reading aloud. But in any household happy +enough to consist of father, mother, and children, any book read aloud +ought to be one which has some interest for all. The father and mother +may both be intensely interested in the philosophy of Hegel, but I +should not like to think they would ask the children to be quiet that +they might read it aloud to each other. Books of travel, biography, +novels, and poetry, appeal to all but the very young members of the +family who ought to be in bed betimes. Of course the children do not +take in everything in such books, but that is not necessary. If they +only understand enough for enjoyment, it is a healthful stimulus to meet +with something they do not understand. Perhaps the father and mother +will say regretfully that they have no other time for their special +studies. In the end the light literature may do them as much good as +solid work, but even if it does not, they can better lose something +themselves in intellectual development while their brood of children is +about them than to miss the full rounding of their home life. If they +live long, they will have<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span> too many quiet hours by themselves. In many +families, however, the youngsters are more ready for solid reading than +the older people. It is often the elder sister who has to give up her +German and science to read travels and stories to her parents as well as +to the children.</p> + +<p>Drawing, fancy work, sewing, and whittling can all go on without +disturbing the reading, or a tired mother can lie on the lounge and +listen; but if any one must sit idle, reading may grow tedious, though +good plays in which each can take his part are generally enjoyed. I was +once in a home in Switzerland where the family spent most of the +evenings in reading Racine, Molière, and Corneille.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>No home is complete without music. Even a large piano which has seen its +best days does not seem to be altogether a cumberer of the ground where +another equally bulky piece of furniture would be unendurable. But +unless some member of the family has decided musical ability, the best +use of a piano or organ in a home is to sustain the uncertain voices in +singing. Home singing is almost a necessity even where no one sings very +well. I should not wish to encourage the unmusical to display their +voices outside their own doors; but if half a dozen members of a family +are able to "carry a tune," and one of them can play a simple +accompaniment correctly, I think<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span> the singing of fine hymns and pleasant +ballads at home will prove most delightful to them all, besides bearing +good fruit morally and physically. A family happy enough to have a +little higher endowment, and a little more cultivation, so that one +plays a violin, one a flute, and so on, may have a little private +orchestra which may give as much enjoyment, and, all things considered, +may be as elevating, as the perfect work of great musicians. It seems to +me that any father and mother who wish the home to be dear to their +children can afford to spend money on music far better than on many +things considered more essential—clothes for, example.</p> + +<p>But all the family circle ought be able to join in the evening +occupations. If only one is a musician, but a small part of each evening +can be given to music. On the other hand, I have no mercy for the young +lady who has had time and money lavished on her musical education, who +will not take the trouble to play to her brothers in the evening. If she +distrusts her powers she need never play to other people who may ask her +out of compliment; but when brothers ask their sisters to play, they +mean that they want the music, and they should have it.</p> + +<p>Chatting is pleasant in the evening, and does not interfere with a dozen +other occupations. One can even read a newspaper or a novel while the +rest are talking. Little twilight chats by the fire<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span> when the children +confess their misdemeanors to their mother, or when the mother tells +stories to the children, are full of the spirit of home, and there +always ought to be some leisurely hours in every family when the father +and mother and the grandfather and grandmother can relate old +experiences to the younger generation. If the older people would only +remember to tell these tales for the sake of the younger and not to +gratify their own garrulity, so that they would dwell more on the events +and customs and people of the past which ought to have a permanent +interest, I believe such chat would always be of the highest value, and +that the young would like it as well as the old; but when it is mere +gossip about people long dead the young have a right to be restless. +There is always danger that chat will degenerate into gossip, so it is +not generally best to have too many evenings devoted entirely to +conversation.</p> + +<p>The right kind of reading and music seem to me far better occupations +for home evenings than games. There is too much hard work in chess and +whist and too little sociability to make them in any way desirable. +Euchre and backgammon seem invented to pass away time, which is so +precious to most of us that we should like to feel we had something at +the end of an hour by which our lives were richer than at the beginning. +Yet games have their place. Young-people have their times of liking +them. If they really enjoy them<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span> and play with thorough good temper, +they get true recreation from them, and all innocent enjoyment has a +moral effect as valuable as the intellectual effect of a good book. So a +mother who wishes to make a true home for her children will not grudge +whole evenings spent in games which would be unspeakably wearisome to +her if played with people of her own age; indeed, the chances are she +will thoroughly enjoy such evenings, and be as interested in capping +verses or asking twenty questions as any of the youngsters, while if she +is a worn and anxious mother, such simple pastime may be the best +refreshment. I believe there is less to be said in favor of cards than +of other games, but I often think of the words of a friend, "We are +strict people," she said, "but when the boys were growing up and began +to be wild for cards, we played regularly every evening till they were +tired of it, and I think they did not care to play elsewhere."</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>If a home is to be ideal, it must contain a father and mother and +children. A lonely man or woman who is so unfortunate as not to have +this ideal home should, I think, try to find as many of its elements as +possible. A man should not live altogether at his club, and it is a pity +for a woman to live permanently with women alone. And a home is so +incomplete without children that it seems almost necessary that every +childless<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span> man or woman should adopt one or two. Unfortunately this is +often impossible, and then it becomes the more essential to seek for a +boarding-place where we may get a little of the cheer of other people's +children and at the same time practice some of the virtues which +children always call out in older people. No home is truly homelike in +which there is not a large hospitality. I have so much to say on this +head that I must leave it for another chapter.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>I have said little about the qualities of character which make a happy +home. Beyond a loving nature, on which all the others rest, I know of +nothing more essential than a serene temper. Let a woman be "mistress of +herself, though china fall." The daily temptations to irritation are +incessant, and irritability will destroy the comfort of any home, even +if it is well warmed and lighted and furnished with easy-chairs and +sofas, even if everybody is high minded and ready to take part in +refined pleasures, and even if room is made in the family circle for a +host of agreeable friends.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="XI" id="XI"></a>XI.</h2> + +<h3>HOSPITALITY.</h3> + +<p>No home is genuine which is not also hospitable. Just as we must go out +to get fresh life, we must welcome fresh life which comes in to us. And +further than that it would be a poor nature which found no one to love +outside the home circle. If we love any one we wish to share our life +with our friend.</p> + +<p>But it is impossible to be hospitable except by welcoming our visitors +to our every-day life. If we depart much from our usual customs, our +freedom is checked, and the visit becomes a burden, willingly borne, +perhaps, for the time, but sure to be felt if often laid upon us.</p> + +<p>A friend, well known in literary circles, inviting me to visit her in a +Western city through which I was to pass on my way to another State +wrote, "You must stay more than a day or two, for, if not, I shall have +to give up my time to you, and I can't interrupt my daily work! I go +into my library at nine o'clock every morning and stay till two. But in +the afternoon I drive, and when in the evening my husband comes home +from business and my children from school I give myself up to my family."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span>Upon this invitation I determined to stay a week. "You must not come +into my library in the morning unless I invite you," said my friend +laughing; "but there is another library adjoining your room where I +shall not venture to disturb you without leave!"</p> + +<p>I remember a home which opened very hospitable doors to me when I was a +young girl,—that of a widow with two young daughters. They were in +straitened circumstances, and could not effectively heat the large and +handsome house left by the father of the family. "I ask you to come in +the winter, my dear," the lady used to say to me, "because you live in +the country and can sleep comfortably in a cold room: I ask my city +friends to come in the summer." That, I think, showed a true spirit of +hospitality. She gave what she had to those who could enjoy it. I shall +never forget the cosy afternoons I have passed in her warm sitting-room, +while one read aloud and the rest did fancy work, or sometimes the +plainest of sewing. We read novels, some first rate, some second, or +even third rate, without a thought of getting any benefit from them. But +we chatted and laughed and enjoyed ourselves. Or sometimes some of us +would go into town to a matinée, and coming home tingling with cold +would find a hot and savory supper awaiting us in the bright +dining-room, prepared by those who had stayed at home, and who<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span> were +eager to hear everything about the play which we were eager to tell. +There was no servant to trouble us, and we all enjoyed ourselves +together in washing the dishes. We sat up as long as we pleased and +toasted our feet, and in zero weather even wrapped up a hot brick to +take to our chilly beds.</p> + +<p>But this lady was not without ambition. She wished she could entertain +more as other people did. She thought she ought to give some parties, +especially as she liked to go to other people's entertainments. And so, +on one occasion, she did give a party. It was a grand affair. The whole +house was set in order and decorated. Caterers came from the city, and +her tables were beautifully laid with exactly the same salads and cakes +that she was in the habit of eating at other houses. Her cards of +invitation were of the choicest style, and her house was filled with +fashionable people, since, in spite of her reduced circumstances, she +had a perfectly assured position in society, and there was also a +respectable number of unfashionable people present, for she was too +truly hospitable to leave out anybody she liked. She was a skillful +manager, and succeeded in carrying through her undertaking for half the +expense usual in such a case; but it cost her sleepless nights. Of +course, "The labor we delight in physics pain," and I am sure she +thoroughly enjoyed her grand party which everybody said was per<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span>fect in +all its appointments. Nevertheless, her bills amounted to one sixth of +the yearly income of the family, so that she never gave another party +till later in life, when fortune suddenly smiled upon her again and put +her in possession of a million. I do not condemn her party, but merely +use it to point my statement that we cannot often exercise hospitality +except as we admit our friends to our daily life.</p> + +<p>A friend of mine who was making a tour of the South bethought her of a +cousin in New Orleans whom she had not seen since the war. She wrote to +her, "I am going to New Orleans for a week or two and wish you might +find me a boarding-place near you, so that I could see you as well as +the sights." The Southern cousin at once replied with a cordial +invitation that the Northern cousin should visit her. The Northerner had +no idea of making a convenience of her almost unknown relative, and +declined; but the Southerner insisted that the visit would be a real +favor to herself. "That is," she added, "if you can be comfortable in +the way we live." The Northerner could hardly refuse longer, but having +certain fastidious ideas, she was rather startled on reaching New +Orleans to find that her cousin's family, in which there were eight +children, lived in a house of five rooms! She felt, in spite of her +precautions, she must be an intruder. But the husband of her cousin said +sweetly, "Where there is room in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span> heart, there is room in the +house," and she stayed, and had one of the most delightful experiences +of her life.</p> + +<p>I am afraid few Northerners judged by this standard can be said to have +"room in the heart," though I remember gratefully a minister's family in +Massachusetts who lived in a little house and with narrow means, and yet +received with bright smiles all their friends from the towns around who +chose to stay with them. A brother minister would drive over with his +whole family and stay a few days, and no one ever suggested there was +not room for everybody. All the young collegiate cousins took this home +in their way on their vacation tramps, and brought with them as many of +their classmates as chose to come, never thinking it necessary to give +any warning of their approach. I have known as many as a dozen young +cousins to be gathered in the house at one time, the boys from Yale and +Amherst, girls from New York and Philadelphia, or from quiet country +boarding-schools,—one indeed came all the way from London,—and they +enjoyed themselves as much as the visitors in an English country-house. +They did not "ride to the meet," of course, or attend a county ball; but +they went blackberrying together, and they sang songs, and played duets, +and had games of croquet, and read French, and acted Shakespeare under +the apple-trees; they climbed a mountain, and rowed on the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span> pond, and +took long botanical expeditions. The minister's wife was herself a +delectable cook, but she must have wrinkled her brow many a time in +planning how to get enough bread and butter to go round even with the +aid of the blackberries, and some of the young fellows had to sleep on +the hay in the barn, though happily they had a natural bath-tub provided +in a stream among the bushes behind the house.</p> + +<p>The achievement of this hostess is the more notable because she was a +New England housekeeper, and her standard of neatness was high. If she +had attempted anything but the simplest manner of entertainment she +would certainly have had nervous prostration. But her simplicity of +living saved her, and she is still hale and hearty, though she has +passed the limit of threescore and ten.</p> + +<p>A friend who has lived much at the South, in speaking of the beautiful +hospitality for which Southerners are distinguished, says that it comes +partly from their easy way of taking life. They do not think it +necessary to put the house in order because guests are coming, but let +the guests take them as they find them. More than that, they are less +given to "pursuits" than Northerners, and so less easily disturbed.</p> + +<p>Believing, however, in the value of "pursuits," I have been interested +in observing the manner of hospitality in a family among my friends. The +family consists of the father, mother, and three<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span> grown-up daughters. +All the daughters are earning their own living, and the mother is much +occupied in household cares. It is a highly intellectual family. All are +readers and keep abreast of the literature of the day. Beyond that, one +or another of them is always studying German, or French, or history, or +mineralogy, or taking up some social reform. Two of them find time to +write acceptably for magazines. It would seem as if they could not have +much leisure to entertain friends, yet their great rambling house, which +stands in the midst of a shady old-fashioned yard and garden just +outside the city, is seldom without a guest or two, and there never was +a place where a tired soul and body could find sweeter rest. A cup and +plate at table and a bed to sleep in are provided for the visitor, and +so far there is not much trouble. The family meet at the table,—when +convenient,—and there is plenty of delightful chat. One or another is +often at leisure for a walk or a row or some other pastime, but no one +appears to feel it necessary to give up any of her ordinary occupations +for the sake of the visitor. I consider myself rather a particular +friend of three of the family, yet I have often passed a Sunday there +without seeing more than one of the three. The others had something to +do on their own account. One of them, tired with her week's work, likes +to rest all day in her own room. Another is an ardent Episcopalian, and +wishes to fol<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span>low all the church services from early morning through the +evening. As there are so many agreeable people in the family one is not +often obliged to be alone, but when left alone the sense of home comfort +is only increased. There are plenty of lounges and easy-chairs; the +large, comfortable tables are strewn with all the latest magazines; the +bookcases are full of readable books, and the young ladies all have +their individual collections of Soule's photographs, which are well +worth lounging over. The fires are always bright within, and the long +windows opening everywhere on piazzas and balconies command extensive +and beautiful views. The rooms are sweet with flowers in winter, and the +gardens are fragrant in summer. One can lounge and read all day, or take +a walk, or do a dozen other things. The cheerful, interesting +conversation at table, and in the odds and ends of time through the day, +would be sufficient stimulus to all but the most exacting guests; while, +as a matter of fact, there are always a few hours in the evening when +everybody seems to be at leisure, and these form the social centre of +the day. For my part I would much rather be entertained in this way than +to have my footsteps dogged all day by some well-meaning and +self-sacrificing devotee who tries conscientiously to amuse me.</p> + +<p>One of the most hospitable homes I ever knew was made by two young +ladies in Boston. One<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span> of them was a country girl of genius and +refinement who came to the city to do literary work. Here she formed a +friendship with another young lady who liked to pass most of the time in +Boston for the sake of its advantages in music, art, and the theatre. +Neither was rich, but together they had a very respectable income. They +found a nice little flat of six convenient rooms in an accessible and +pleasant but unfashionable street, and furnished it with exactly the +things they wanted to use every day. The furnishings were thus simple, +but they combined comfort and beauty, for both the young ladies had +excellent taste. I am tempted to describe all their original and +charming arrangements, only that would lead me too far. I will only +speak of their hospitality which was perfect. They gave no parties nor +even afternoon teas. How could they without a servant? Indeed, though +they had the luxury of getting their own breakfast in their sitting-room +at any hour of the day when they liked to eat it, they were too much in +the habit of eating their dinner at any restaurant near which they might +happen to be when they were hungry to have inaugurated any extensive +housekeeping. Moreover, they could see their city friends whenever they +chose for an hour or two at a time without the trouble of providing a +feast or a band of music. They always had bread and butter and fruit and +various appetizing knickknacks stored away, so that if a caller<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span> stayed +till any one was hungry a sufficient lunch could be served on the spot.</p> + +<p>But they exercised their hospitality chiefly for the benefit of their +country friends whom they could not otherwise see. Many a nice old lady +or bright young girl passed a week with them, who would otherwise have +hurried through her season's shopping in a day and have had no time left +for music or pictures. Most of these friends could amuse themselves very +well through the day. If they did not know the way about, one of the +hostesses conducted them to the libraries or museums as she went her own +way to her daily occupation. There was always bread and cheese for them +to eat if they chose, and if they cared for something more they could +find it at a restaurant as their entertainers did, or they could cook it +for themselves in the hospitable little kitchen. A folding bed could +always be let down for them at night, and in times of stress another bed +could be made on the sofa.</p> + +<p>The hostesses spent little money or thought or time on their guests, +except so far as they really wanted to do so, and yet they entertained +great numbers of people most satisfactorily. They did not ask anybody to +visit them from a sense of duty, but they always asked everybody they +fancied they should like to see without a thought as to convenience, +because it always was convenient to have anybody they liked with them. +We<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span> know that men enjoy giving invitations in this free way, but they +seldom have the power—for two reasons; either their wives are not +satisfied to entertain the friends of their husbands in simple every-day +fashion, or the husbands themselves are not satisfied to have them so +entertained.</p> + +<p>Every one knows the great difference between city and country +hospitality. Very few people in the city appear to be really pleased to +see an uninvited guest, and they are far less likely to invite guests, +except perhaps when giving a party, than those of the same means in the +country. They are not altogether to blame in this. There are so many +more people to see in the city than in the country that every one +becomes a new burden, and the friendship must be very close indeed that +survives such a strain. But I fear it is also true that in the city the +non-essentials of life have undue weight.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="XII" id="XII"></a>XII.</h2> + +<h3>BRIC-À-BRAC.</h3> + +<p>Our lives are clogged with <i>bric-à-brac</i>. Every separate article in a +room may be pretty in itself, and yet the room may be hideous through +overcrowding with objects which have no meaning.</p> + +<p>The disease of <i>bric-à-brac</i> I think, is due to two influences,—the +desire of uncreative minds to create beauty, and the mania for giving +Christmas presents. Both these influences have a noble source, and will +probably reach more beautiful results at last. Any mind awake to beauty +must try to create it, and if its power and originality are not very +great, what can it do better than to apply itself to humble, every-day +trifles and try to decorate them? This is certainly right, if the old +principle of architecture is always remembered: "Decorate construction, +do not construct decoration." A few illustrations of my meaning may be +needed.</p> + +<p>I am obliged to use blotting-paper when I write. I have always been +grateful to a friend who sent me a beautiful blue blotting book, with a +bunch of white clover charmingly painted on the first page. It gives me +pleasure every time I write a letter.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span> I am glad that one of my friends +was artistic enough to embroider some fine handkerchiefs for me with a +beautiful initial. One of my dearest possessions is the lining for a +bureau drawer made of pale blue silk, with scented wadding tied in with +knots of narrow white ribbon. This lies in the bottom of the drawer, and +owing to the kindness of my friends shown at various times, I am able to +lay upon the top of each pile of underclothing either a handkerchief +case or a scent bag of blue silk or satin. Some of these trifles are +corded with heavy silk, some are embroidered with rosebuds, some are +ornamented with bows of ribbon, and altogether they make the drawer a +"thing of beauty" which to me personally "is a joy forever," and they +are never in anybody's way.</p> + +<p>My friend has been less fortunate in the tributes of affection she has +received. She has several elaborate and even pretty ties which she is +obliged to append to her sofas and easy-chairs. They are believed to add +to the harmony of coloring in her sitting-room, but they are very likely +to be askew when the sofas and easy-chairs are in use; and as they +always have to be rearranged during the process of dusting, they form an +argument for delaying that duty as long as possible. She also has +several head-rests and foot-rests, in which the embroidery is exquisite +in itself, but which are so ill-contrived that they afford no rest to +either head or foot. "They are worth having, though,"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span> she says, +"because of their beauty, just as a picture is worth having though you +cannot use it." "Yes," replies her husband, "they are worth having, but +not worth having in the way. I do not want even the Sistine Madonna +propped up in my easy-chair." Most of her friends are learning to paint, +and many of them have chosen to give her at Christmas specimens of their +progress mounted on pasteboard easels. These cover the tables and +mantels and brackets of her sitting-room. "Ah!" she says softly, under +her breath, "if they had only thought to paint book-marks instead One +can never have enough book-marks. It would be delightful to have one in +every book in the library, and the more beautiful the better, while the +ugly ones, which perhaps come from our dearest friends, would be blessed +for their usefulness besides being unobtrusive."</p> + +<p>Sweet temper is certainly essential to a happy home; but if my friend +were not too sweet tempered to hide these offerings from constant sight, +her sitting-room would not be so exasperating a place. There is no room +for a work-basket or a book on the tables. One is continually upsetting +some frail structure, or tumbling over some well-meant æsthetic +convenience.</p> + +<p>Christmas presents are worse than any others. Even a hideous and useless +gift offered at any other season may be acceptable, and we need not +grudge it room, because being spontaneous, it rep<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span>resents love. But even +the most genuine Christmas presents are becoming subject to the +suspicion that they are given from a sense of duty, because gifts at +that season have become a habit. I have no reason to suppose that any of +my numerous kind friends grudge the Christmas presents they so +generously give me; but I often find myself wondering how many of them +would think of giving me anything as often as once a year if there were +no special date to recall the custom to their minds.</p> + +<p>Gifts would be far more likely to be spontaneous if they were never +given regularly; if, for instance, we avoided giving anything next +Christmas to anybody whom we had remembered this year—excepting always +to little children, to servants, and to the poor—the three classes to +whom we never venture to give <i>bric-à-brac</i>, knowing well they would +laugh us to scorn instead of flattering us by calling our contributions +"perfectly lovely." Now, when a gift is spontaneous, its value is quite +irrespective of its use, but at the same time it is far more likely to +be both beautiful and useful. We read a book that moves us. How we wish +we could share it with one friend who particularly enjoys such a book! +We send it to her, and it is exactly the thing she wants. On the other +hand, Christmas is approaching. What shall we give our friend? She likes +books. Well, then, here is a prettily bound volume which is well<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span> spoken +of. We have no time to look farther, and we send it to her. She thanks +us in a pretty note, but is too busy in writing a hundred notes of +thanks to read the book then. It is laid by and perhaps forgotten.</p> + +<p>We are making another friend an informal visit. We see that her +needle-book is getting shabby. We hasten to get bits of kid and silk and +flannel, and make her a new one with our daintiest stitches, and she is +delighted. She uses it every day, and likes to remember that we thought +of her comfort. But what shall we give her for Christmas? We think she +has everything. We have too many friends to remember now, for time for +such a dainty piece of sewing. Let us buy her some kind of an ornament. +It is true that the French clock and the vases and the match receivers +and two or three pictures on easels already crowd the mantel-piece, but +there is an odd little bronze image which would not be amiss among them. +It costs rather more than we can afford to pay, but we love her, and +wish to give her something, and are at our wits' end to know what. She +receives it graciously, and every time she dusts her ornaments she +remembers us affectionately. "I don't grudge dusting this," she says +sweetly to herself, "for my dear friend gave it to me, and I would do a +great deal more than this for her." Of course, in a family where a +servant dusts, the present is forgotten the moment it is placed on the shelf.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span>I remember the dearest of little girls who once made me a Christmas +present of a purse of her own embroidering. The colors she chose were +brilliant, but hardly beautiful; the material rather flimsy, the sewing +was far beyond criticism, and if I had ever been rash enough to intrust +any money to such a purse, I should have returned home penniless. But I +was enchanted with the gift. I shall keep it as long as I live wrapped +in the crumpled tissue paper in which this darling child folded it in +her wish to make it look as attractive as possible. I can never even +think of this gift without fancying the tiny unskillful fingers as they +toilsomely labored over those silks that would catch and twist, and I +think of the sweet brow and eyes which bent over the work, and am as +sure as if I had seen it of the loving smile which hovered about the +childish lips at the thought that she was going to give me a pleasant +surprise.</p> + +<p>But as this little maiden grew up the cares of Christmas multiplied. +There came a time when she had money to spend, and a host of friends to +spend it upon, and when she certainly had not time personally to conduct +the making of the number of Christmas presents she thought necessary to +bestow. She was much too loyal to leave me out on this occasion, and if +I were to judge of the degree of her affection by the proportion of her +money which she spent upon me, she must<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span> have regarded me still as one +of her dearest friends. She gave me a pair of exquisite cut glass vases, +which, when placed in the sunshine, were certainly most beautiful with +the flashing of colors. Their outline too was a lovely curve, but +unfortunately such that it was impossible to put any flowers in the +vases. At the base they were too slender to receive even one rose-stalk, +while they were so broad at the top that it would have required a whole +nosegay to fill them. If I had had a vast empty drawing-room which was +to be filled with <i>bric-à-brac</i>, I could have found a place for them; +but they were too delicate for my tiny parlor where there is so little +elbow-room that slight things are in danger of being overturned. Of +course I prize the vases and love the giver, but I know she never would +have given them to me but for the feeling that the time had come to make +a present; and so, while I shall cherish the little purse as long as I +live, I have resolved that if the vases are ever broken, I will not +treasure the fragments.</p> + +<p>From these two roots, the love of creating beauty and the desire to +express love for our friends on the same day of every year, such +luxuriant vines have grown that unless we prune them carefully we are in +danger of being completely entangled by them. There are still, perhaps, +some waste places which our useless <i>bric-à-brac</i> might make beautiful, +and if we know any bare homes,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span> let us by all means do something to +brighten them; but let us not make for ourselves or give to our friends +any small article which does not express use as well as beauty. We need +not be at a loss if we remember Oscar Wilde's declaration that every +article used in a house should be something which had given pleasure to +the maker, that is, that it should be artistic. When all useful +<i>bric-à-brac</i> has become beautiful, we shall no longer desire to make or +possess beautiful <i>bric-à-brac</i> which is not useful. Of course I know +that "Beauty is its own excuse for being," and I see in a fine picture, +for instance, an appeal to the higher faculties which is more useful +than usefulness. This I do not see in <i>bric-à-brac</i>, certainly not if +the objects are to be so crowded in a small room that no one can see +anything more than prettiness in them. Instead of my beautiful vases +with their shifting lights, which do, after all, give me real pleasure +sometimes when I am not too anxious lest I should break them, cut glass +tumblers would have given me the same æsthetic enjoyment renewed at +every meal. I might break a tumbler to be sure, but I should have the +full enjoyment of it while it lasted.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="XIII" id="XIII"></a>XIII.</h2> + +<h3>EMOTIONAL WOMEN.</h3> + +<p>A highly emotional young lady was once defending the reasoning powers of +her sex at the dinner-table of a cultivated and fair-minded physician +who finally took occasion to say sweetly to her: "No doubt the reason of +women equals that of men; but I believe the trouble is that all men like +a woman a little better if she is governed by feeling rather than by +reason."</p> + +<p>"Oh," said the young lady in a glow, "that is like saying that you would +a little rather a woman would not be truthful!"</p> + +<p>"I hope not," said the physician.</p> + +<p>The friend who told me the anecdote added that of the two young ladies +who were at the time members of the physician's family, there was no +question that he greatly preferred the one who was most reasonable and +least emotional!</p> + +<p>Some one else tells me of a clever young lady who applied for a position +as dramatic critic upon a newspaper. The editor recognized her ability +and her knowledge of the drama, but he said he was afraid to employ a +woman in such a department, lest her feelings should prevent her +telling<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span> the exact truth. She would be biased herself, and praise the +things she liked, and then she would have her personal favorites among +the actors. The young lady who believed herself capable of justice was +greatly hurt.</p> + +<p>Are women really excessively emotional? And if so, is it well that they +should be?</p> + +<p>I suppose most people would agree that women are more emotional than +men, and that this peculiarity comes in a great measure from their +delicate physical organization, and in a great measure from the +encouragement they get from men in indulging their feelings. Nobody +admires a woman when her emotions reach the point of hysteria, and, in +fact, those who have encouraged her up to that point are often least +patient with her when the crisis comes. The general belief about +hysteria is that it is caused by the culpable weakness of a selfish +nature, and that is often true. But there are important exceptional +cases becoming more and more numerous, where the parents have cultivated +what they and their friends consider fine feelings so assiduously that +the poor child is born helplessly weak and nervous, and a prey to every +vibration in the spiritual atmosphere about her.</p> + +<p>Now what are <i>fine</i> feelings? Jealousy, envy, hatred, and others of that +class are not fine, and yet they are extremely common among those women +who are sensitive and highly organized.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span> They do belong more frequently +than we sometimes think to the outfit of an emotional woman. A woman who +would not hurt a fly has violent antipathies to excellent people. She +would not hurt them either. She would delight in giving them food and +clothing if they were in want. She wishes she need not hurt their +feelings, but she usually does give pain, because her own feelings are +paramount. The important point however is that she is unjust in her +judgments. She exaggerates the faults of her foes, as well as the +virtues of her friends, and widens every breach.</p> + +<p>But we all know that jealousy and envy and hatred are wrong, even if we +endeavor to dignify them with finer names, and all of us who have any +moral purpose do make our stand against them.</p> + +<p>When, therefore, we speak in praise of a woman's emotional nature, we +are thinking of a nature in which generosity swallows up justice, and +duty is forgotten, because "love is an unerring law." We cannot be too +generous, or too loving, or too sensitive to beauty and honor.</p> + +<p>But men are as generous and loving as women, so, after all, we do have +something a little different from this in our minds when we speak of the +emotional nature of women. Do we not mean that a woman is unreasonable?</p> + +<p>Love can never be too great, but it is often unwise. All affectionate +women who have reached<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span> middle age must have received many confidences +from girls who have been mistaken in supposing themselves loved by men +who have grown tired of them. A girl often suffers intensely in such a +case, and it is hard to know how much is due to wounded love, and how +much to wounded pride. I suppose most of us have been astonished to see +how often when a girl's life seems both to herself and her friends to +have been utterly wrecked she is capable of responding to a new lover, +and if he proves to be a fine man, how full and fine her own life +becomes. This is right, and most natural to the most emotional natures, +that is, to those which answer most readily to outside influences. Yet +we all have a feeling that sudden and frequent changes of this kind show +a shallow character, and girls sometimes make a pathetic struggle to +resist new possibilities of happiness, because they cannot bear to admit +that the old love can die.</p> + +<p>The weakness of character in this case comes from the being ready to +love any one who will make us the central figure without regard to any +more solid foundation. Such love comes from vanity and is good for +nothing. A girl cannot be too careful to guard against such an emotion.</p> + +<p>And then, why should a woman cease to love a man simply because she is +disappointed to find that he does not love her? Many times the fault is +her own. She has believed he loved her be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span>cause she wished to believe +so. But if she has loved him because he was worth being loved, she has a +right to cherish that love even when she knows it is hopeless, provided +she does not hurt other people. I think it is happily not often that an +altogether hopeless love continues long in full vigor, but occasionally +it does. If the old lover marries, the woman who cannot conquer her love +certainly ought to separate herself as far from him as possible. Any +fine theory of being able to be a silent providence in his life is sure +to prove fallacious, and to bring suffering to somebody. And it is not +best for her to say much to her own friends of her sorrow. She either +pains them or tires them. Any love which causes her to do this is +unreasonable. I suspect that some women find their love slipping away +from them and try to hold it fast by the expedient of talking about it. +No love that has to be held in that way is worth keeping. There are +loves we should cherish just as there are others which we ought to cast +out, but nothing is real which cannot be retained except by making +ourselves a burden to other people.</p> + +<p>Another unreasonable love is that which a woman feels for a man who has +really treated her dishonorably. It is true that we do not love simply +for merit. There are sympathies between men and women as between parents +and children with which merit has little to do. One great rea<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span>son that +emotional women attract men is because they can make a hero out of such +unheroic stuff. And why should we try always to see the exact reality as +if that were nearer the truth than the same reality transfigured by +ideal light? The more we believe in others, the better and happier we +all are. A man full of faults, selfish, and even vicious, may be helped +by a woman who trusts him. But when he has forsaken her, it is not often +that she can be of much real service to him. She must indeed forgive +him, but when she has genuinely forgiven him, the glamour of love will +usually have disappeared. If she insists upon shutting herself up from +other love for his sake, she should question herself as to the part +sentimentality and perversity bear in her character.</p> + +<p>Most of the best work done in the world is done in the face of what seem +to be insurmountable difficulties. Our faith moves mountains. An +impossible duty is done. The fact that women ignore the impossibility is +their strongest power. This, I suppose, is what the physician meant when +he said that men liked a woman a little better if she was not always +governed by reason. "Love believeth all things, hopeth all things, +endureth all things." We all like to have such love as that lavished +upon us. It is a noble love which glorifies the object by keeping in +view all the time the ideal which is to be some day realized. It is +something very different from the weak love<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span> which distorts the object +simply because of its personal connection with us. But no doubt women +who are weakly emotional in this way do have a great attraction for men, +that is, so long as the man himself is an object of their emotions. Such +women are pretty sure to have lovers when better and more unselfish +women are overlooked. They do not wear very well, and men tire of them, +especially when they exercise their emotions in new fields; and as wives +(after marriage) and sisters and mothers they prefer the quieter and +less impassioned women. But the great and ardent loves which influence a +life still belong to the women of ardent feelings.</p> + +<p>Ardent feelings well controlled,—that is our ideal; but how few women +of strong feelings do control them well, and how few who have perfect +self-control have very strong feelings!</p> + +<p>Which shall we choose, the strong feelings or the self-control? We have +not complete choice in the matter, for we must begin with the +temperament we are born with. Others may choose to love or hate us for +the temperament we are not responsible for, but what can we do for +ourselves?</p> + +<p>I believe the hardest task is that of the cool-blooded women. How are +they to make themselves feel without becoming hypocrites? Pretending to +feel any emotion is no help in feeling it. Nevertheless, we are not +entirely helpless.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span> There are ways of nourishing noble germs of feeling +even when the natural soil is cold and dry.</p> + +<p>One way is to clear the ground of weeds. A cool nature is sometimes +peculiarly prone to envy and suspicion. A woman with little love of her +fellow-creatures sits alone in her home day after day, and thinks of her +own troubles and the shortcomings of her neighbors till it seems +impossible to love anybody but herself. Such emotions as stir the dull +current of her life are all selfish. But if she has the one saving +virtue of being able to perceive her narrowness, the remedy is in her +own hands. For she can go out and speak to somebody, and even a passing +greeting sometimes sets the blood flowing afresh. And there is always +somebody she can help, though, it may be only a child who is in some +trifling difficulty. Every act of this kind makes another easier, and +every such act nourishes the little germ of love in the heart. I have no +doubt that persistence in doing small kindnesses for every one about her +would be potent enough to transform the coldest of us into a woman +glowing with love. Yet I cannot say I have ever seen such a +transformation. I suppose that is because the cold nature does not +perceive its coldness or desire to change. Still there are surely some +of us who know that love in us is only a stunted plant, and who do +sincerely desire its more luxuriant growth. Those of us who have ardent +feelings towards our friends<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span> know that we are often worse than cold +towards those we do not fancy. We sometimes, alas, take a certain pride +in our sensitiveness in this particular. We justify our hatred for +uncongenial people till we have fairly faced the truth that love is the +law of our being, and that we <i>must</i> love our neighbor. Then, though we +cannot change our temperament, yet by the doing of prosaic duties, the +germ of love may be made to bud and blossom. At least do not let us +allow the turmoil of every-day affairs to crowd out love. We have not +time to see our friend. A letter written to us with love and care is +hastily skimmed and thrown aside. We do not answer it for many weeks, +and then our haste is our apology for saying nothing we really care for. +And by and by the love grows faint. Perhaps our friend dies, and the +package of affectionate letters we once saved as precious lies forgotten +in a drawer. Our friend did not fail us, we should love her just as +dearly again if we were with her daily, but the love has been crowded +out.</p> + +<p>Now, some of us are really overtasked with necessary work; but usually +our hurry comes from our ambition or our indolence. If love were really +first with us, we should find time for our friends.</p> + +<p>But some of us are so placed that we are continually meeting new people +whom we can warmly love. Now there is a limit to the number of people +who can form a part of our daily life. It is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span> possible to love a hundred +people dearly, but it is not possible to talk intimately with a hundred +people every day, or to write a hundred affectionate letters every week. +But because we cannot cling closely to so many, let us not believe that +we cannot cling closely to a few. Let us at least hold fast to a few +friends, and without trying to form a part of the lives of the rest meet +them all warmly when we do meet. We cannot love too much or too many +people, and loving one helps us to love another, but we can only fully +give ourselves to a few.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>I seem to be speaking altogether of nourishing emotion, and we ought to +nourish noble emotions. But the task set especially to women is to +control less noble emotions. We know well enough what is our duty in +regard to jealousy, envy, and so forth, though so many of us who mean to +be good women do not make a very heroic struggle even here, and perhaps +justify our weakness by the plea that our feelings are strong.</p> + +<p>I will therefore speak particularly of some of our failings which lean +to virtue's side. What is it, for instance, to be a sensitive woman? The +highest women are exquisitely sensitive, they respond to beauty, to +love, to truth, and goodness instantly. But suppose they also tremble at +ugliness, and shrink from pain? The two kinds of sensitiveness do often +exist together. The perfect<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span> woman would follow the example of Christ +and look through outward ugliness and suffering to inward beauty and +goodness, and would keep herself unspotted from the world not by +shrinking from it, but by helping it upward.</p> + +<p>But as we are imperfect, our sensitiveness shows itself most frequently +in making us feel every jar to our pride and vanity. And we make a +virtue of this. We ought to guard ourselves against such sensitiveness. +It is a fault which lies very deep. It is almost impossible for a <i>very</i> +sensitive woman to be just. In fancying wrong to herself she imputes +wrong to everybody about her. In trying to shield herself she wounds +others. She fears a slight was intended, and rather than submit to it, +deliberately hurts some one who she knows may be innocent. Would it not +be better to believe that the person who has hurt her is innocent, and +submit to the slight even if it was intended? What harm can it do her to +think a guilty person innocent? And what harm can a slight do her? But +it always does harm to stoop to an ignoble feeling.</p> + +<p>Let us at least be just. But the special accusation against women is +that they are not just, and sometimes their special virtue is believed +to be a romantic generosity which shuts out justice. Women are prone to +be so generous to one person as to be unjust to another. They are strong +partisans, and are determined to believe those<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span> they love always in the +right. That seems like an amiable failing; but is it? Do we wish even +our enemy to be wronged to save our friend? I think every high-minded +woman would choose to be just, even if she must make her friend suffer; +but it is very hard to live by that standard.</p> + +<p>Most men who write novels describe women as ready to forgive the man who +has forsaken them for another woman, but as implacable towards the rival +however innocent she may be. There is too much truth in such a picture, +but the best women know that good women are not so unjust. That Dorothea +in her anguish at finding Will Ladislaw singing with Rosamund Lydgate +should do her utmost to help Rosamund take a better stand is of course +unusual, but it is not unnatural. That was a splendid kind of generosity +which did indeed swallow up justice, but it was founded on justice, the +justice which strove to restore all things to their true relations. If +any girl is puzzled as to the true province of feeling, and wishes to +know how to reconcile warm-heartedness and self-control, let her read +the wonderful chapter in "Middlemarch" which describes the interview +between Dorothea and Rosamund.</p> + +<p>Wherever we have to choose between justice and generosity we must be +just. Otherwise, our generosity is mere sentimentality. And it does no +good even to the person on whom we lavish it. Perhaps justice in its +highest sense includes gen<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span>erosity. It is just that the rich should help +the poor, and more truly generous to give with that thought than with +the feeling that one has done something meritorious in giving. It is +also mere justice that in dealing with our fellow-creatures we should +always think of them as they may be, as they ought to be, and not to +remember simply what they are. Our faith in them helps them to rise, but +not our pretense that they are right when they are wrong.</p> + +<p>After all, however, who is perfectly balanced? There are worthy women +who have all their feelings well in hand, who are pleasant to live with, +and who do an immense amount of good in the world, and yet who never +rise above common-placeness, and never lift anybody else much above the +material plane. And there are other women so ardent and generous and +loving that they seem to lend wings to everybody they meet, who are yet +crushed and ruined themselves by the excess of their grief not only for +their own sorrows, but for those of the whole world, until by and by +they drag their dearest and most sympathetic friends down into the same +abyss of woe.</p> + +<p>How shall we keep the true balance? I believe that it always is kept by +religious faith, though that too is frequently distorted. The one thing +necessary to believe is that a good God rules the universe. There is no +limit to the love we may give to such a being or to the creatures<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span> He +has made, and there is no sorrow which cannot be comforted by the +thought that love underlies it, and that it has a meaning though we +cannot see it, and there is nothing else which is so sure a spur to +duty.</p> + +<p>Even this simple creed, however, is not possible to all of us. The +upheavals in religious beliefs which this century has seen reach even +emotional women and unthinking girls. We cannot believe a thing simply +because we should like to believe it. Without this one article of faith, +I believe happiness to be impossible, but we need not fail in our duty. +A noble woman whose beautiful life is a benediction to all about her, +but whose suffering has been intense, says that as her life has been an +exceptionally favored one, it is impossible for her to believe in God. +But she adds, "Though things are not for the best, we must make the best +of them. We can always lighten somebody's burden." I believe she is +wrong in saying things are not for the best, but there could be no more +sublime resolution than to determine to do all we can to make wrong right.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="XIV" id="XIV"></a>XIV.</h2> + +<h3>A QUESTION OF SOCIETY.</h3> + +<p>I cannot say how it is in other places, but every one who knows much of +society girls in Boston must have been struck with a certain earnest +note which sounds through all their frivolity. Few of them are satisfied +to be simply society girls. They wish to identify themselves with some +charity, or to make a thorough study of some art or science. It may be +due to their Puritan ancestry, forbidding them to make pleasure the only +business of life.</p> + +<p>Many of them seem to be always on the eve of revolt and ready to give up +society altogether. They join a Protestant sisterhood or even become +Roman Catholics, or they enter a training-school for nurses. I heard +only the other day of one of the loveliest "buds" of this season who has +already decided that a society life is an unsatisfactory one, and who is +almost prepared to go as a missionary to India.</p> + +<p>A young girl told me not long ago that she was wretched at the thought +she must soon leave school, for she dreaded the society life from which +there seemed no escape. She wished to find some<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span> charitable work +instantly which would be on the face of it so absorbing that it would be +a complete excuse for her to refuse all invitations. She is only one +among many who have the same feeling.</p> + +<p>It is hard to know what to say to such a girl. Motives are so mixed that +it is hard to stimulate the growth of the wheat without stimulating that +of the tares also. Most serious women would regret to see any young +friend become a mere society girl, but how far it is best for a girl to +give up society it is not easy to say.</p> + +<p>Circumstances make different duties. The pathway of some girls lies +directly through society. At the suitable age their sisters, their +mothers, and even their grandmothers have formally "come out," and have +at once been overwhelmed with invitations to the best houses in the +city. If such a girl has it in her mind to rebel against precedents she +would do well to consider carefully what Holmes has said in another +connection: "There are those who step out of the ordinary ranks by +reason of strength; there are others who fall out by reason of +weakness." For instance, a girl is painfully conscious of her plainness. +Her sister was a beauty and made a sensation when she was introduced. +The plain girl dreads the comparisons which will be made, and shrinks +from the social failure which she foresees. Her feeling would justify +her in making no attempt to get into society if she were outside the +charmed circle,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span> but it would probably be a weakness to yield to it +since she is already within. Her objection is not to society but to the +place she is likely to fill in it. Probably the finest discipline of her +life will be in accepting her place. If she can forget herself, or, at +least, remember that it makes no real difference what others think of +her, she will soon gain the quiet ease which is sometimes even more +winning than beauty. This will be an attribute of character, and every +person's influence is needed in society who commands interest by +essential rather than non-essential qualities. Then, if she is a +wall-flower she is sure to have time to relieve the misery of some other +wall-flower, and as there are always a good many uninteresting people at +any party she will find her mission increasing upon her hands. When she +has thoroughly conquered her dread of society she will have a right to +reconsider the question and decide whether she can use her time to +better advantage. If she retires before fighting her battle she will +probably always look upon her beautiful sister's love of balls with +self-righteous pity; but long before she gains her victory she will be +likely to acknowledge that if she were pretty she would love balls too.</p> + +<p>It is not lovely for any girl to assume that she is better than her +parents. Many girls are better than their parents, and sometimes so much +better that they would be blind indeed if they did not see it; but they +ought to be very slow to act upon such a truth.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span>As a general thing they are not nearly so superior as they suppose they +are. They think "Irreverence for the dreams of youth" always comes from +"the hardening of the heart." But youth has some fantastic as well as +some noble dreams, so that docility is a better quality than +independence in a very young person. If a worldly minded mother +inculcates worldliness in her daughter, the daughter certainly ought to +stand firm against the teaching; but if the daughter merely thinks she +would rather read Browning than go to a party which her mother wishes +her to attend, I think it is best for her to go to the party, even if +she is conscious that her mother's motive is a worldly one. I speak only +of young daughters. If a girl follows her mother's wishes about society +till she is twenty-four or five, and still retains her first aversion to +it, it seems to me she has earned the right to be the judge of her own +actions, and if she had been really docile and sweet-tempered all the +way through, I believe the most worldly minded mother would be ready to +yield. It is only when the daughter has combated her parents all the +time that they believe her to be unreasonable and obstinate and +deserving of coercion. The point is, that she must make her stand for a +principle and not for a whim.</p> + +<p>One reason that some girls fear society is that they feel awkward and +have nothing to say. This is often the case with intellectual girls. +They<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span> will not descend to the silly conversation which is more pleasing +than it ought to be from the pretty girls of their set, and they know it +would be out of place to talk of anything which really interests them. +They do not want to be called blue-stockings even by young men they +despise. But the agonies such girls suffer in society are unnecessary. +There is no reason why any girl should talk very much. Of course if she +is not a beauty or a graceful dancer she has no other way of attracting +attention, but it is not necessary to attract attention. If she is quiet +and unobtrusive and sweet-tempered she need not suffer from +mortification even if she does not find much to enjoy. I remember a +young girl whose great shyness made it a terror to her to meet any +strangers. Besides this, she felt so little interest in commonplace +people that she had no sufficient motive to subdue her fear. At last as +she was on the point of refusing to go to a very small and informal tea +party a friend not much older than herself talked seriously to her, +explaining that her course would seem morbid and selfish to others, and +might be so in truth. The young girl respected her friend, and making a +heroic effort to control herself determined to accept the invitation. "I +am going," she said to herself, "to show Ellen that I am not too +obstinate to take her advice, and I don't care how I appear." So she sat +still in a corner and listened to the conversation, which was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span> indeed +preternaturally stupid. She felt perfectly at her ease and was quite +unconcerned about "making conversation." If anybody asked her a question +she answered simply without cudgeling her brains for any wise or witty +reply. By and by something was said which did attract her notice, and +she actually made a spontaneous remark herself. She realized then that +the worst was over. She never again felt such terror on entering a room, +and though I never heard that she shone in society, she was always able +after that to carry on her share of a conversation without anxiety. She +simply laid herself aside for the time being and paid attention to what +was going on.</p> + +<p>But while it is usually best for a young girl to go into society which +lies naturally in her way, it is a very different thing to push into +society which lies outside of her path. It is necessary to speak +strongly on this point. In every city the number of inhabitants who have +lived in it since its foundation is, of course, very small, and they +always form an aristocracy, jealous of interlopers. They generally are a +law-abiding, conservative class, with some sterling qualities. They are +superior to a great many people who would like to associate with them, +but inferior to a great many others. Now, just at the circumference of +this circle there is another circle equally good, intelligent, and +refined, who see no reason why they should be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span> shut out from the inner +circle. There is no reason except that they did not first occupy the +central ground. The aristocracy of the city is formed on the principle +of "first come, first served," and the first will never relinquish their +places to the new-comers. Why should the new-comers care? There are +enough among them to make a society as good, intelligent, and refined as +that from which they are shut out. Nevertheless, it is a human failing +to prize what we cannot have, and some of the later comers look +wistfully across the dividing line. They cannot cross it, but sometimes +their daughters can. They send their daughters to the same schools with +the daughters of the "four hundred," and the girls make friends with +each other, and with a little skill the password may be learned and the +young plebeian may find herself indistinguishable from a patrician. +There are fathers and mothers who urge their daughters to make haste to +occupy every coigne of vantage, and gradually advance into the heart of +the enemy's country. I am not speaking now of those who are so vulgar as +to intrigue for invitations, but simply of the ambitious who wish to +accept an invitation given in good faith because it is a step upward in +the social scale. Of course I would not say that such an invitation +should never be accepted, for there is often congeniality between the +hostess and her guest; but it is not worth doing violence to one's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span> +feelings for the sake of accepting it. We say that we do not consider +the "four hundred" really superior to many other hundreds in the city. +In that case let us treat them and their invitations with exactly the +same courtesy and exactly the same indifference that we show to our +other friends and their invitations. I think a young girl is always +justified in objecting to be pushed into society even when her parents +are eager to push her; yet if the matter is urged, it will probably be +best for her to gratify her parents, even at the sacrifice of her own +sensitiveness. It is not for her to judge her parents. Even if they are +wrong, their fault may be like the vanity of a child, because they are +still in the childish stage of education, while the daughter's higher +development is entirely due to their efforts in her behalf.</p> + +<p>There are girls whose religious convictions forbid society, and then +they are obliged to withstand their parents from the outset; yet I think +such convictions are uncommon where the parents do not share them. But +there are other girls who sincerely believe that their time can be +better spent than in going to parties and making calls. The conventions +of society seem meaningless to them, and they know if they observe them +all they will have no time or strength for anything else, while if they +do not observe them they will be stigmatized as rude, odd, and even as +self-con<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span>ceited. One cannot read even the most sensible book on +etiquette without being oppressed with the feeling that a terrible +addition has been made to the moral law in the by-laws which treat of +visiting cards, and every writer on etiquette says mildly but firmly +that there is a reason for all the rules in the very nature of things, +and that if any of us venture to disregard them and substitute our own +reason, we simply show our incapacity for appreciating real refinement. +A part of this is no doubt true. The rules of society are reasonable for +those who give their whole time to society. When a lady has four hundred +people on her visiting list, and a call must be made on each one every +winter on pain of losing the acquaintance altogether, to say nothing of +party calls and receptions and afternoon teas, it is clear that a +language of pasteboard simplifies her duties very much. But for any one +who has a definite work in life outside of society, attention to all +these minor points is impossible, and we must either be shut out of +society altogether or be allowed to enter it on our own terms. The women +who have their living to earn have the matter decided for them. Even in +the few cases where they are welcomed among the <i>élite</i>, their work must +always take precedence of society demands. And the same thing ought to +be true in the case of good mothers. The care of one's own children +never ought to be given up for any conven<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span>tional duty. But the hardest +case is that of young girls who wish their lives to be in earnest, and +who have as yet no imperative duties. No wonder they wish to make duties +for themselves. Is there any guide in deciding how far they are bound to +follow conventions? I know nothing better than the dictum of the +Hegelians. "Make your deed universal, and see what the result will be." +If everybody who finds afternoon teas a burden stayed away from them, +would any harm be done? If everybody who objects to making calls refused +to make them, would it not soon simplify life even for those who do like +to make them? If all people who chanced to meet felt at liberty to be as +friendly as they felt like being, without any formal preliminaries, who +would be injured? The question of absolute right is answered when these +questions are answered, and we ought not to let any writer on etiquette +persuade us to the contrary. But it is not so easy to say how far it is +wise for anybody, particularly for young girls, to set themselves +against the customs of their own circle. They then give up the friends +they would naturally make, and it is sometimes hard to find equally +congenial friends in other circles. Many a girl who might have been +happily married if she had not rebelled against conventionalities is +left to lead a lonely life; and that not because young men value +conventionalities, but because society makes people acquainted.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span> She +will some day be likely to regret that she missed her opportunities, +unless she had some more definite reason for her course than the mere +shrinking from the effort society requires.</p> + +<p>Duties we make for ourselves are seldom entirely free from affectation. +An ardent, active girl may easily become so interested in her charities +and her studies that she may make a genuine plea that she is too busy +for parties and calls; but perhaps she ought not to give up society +duties until higher duties actually open before her. Is it not possible +that society has some intrinsic worth, or that at all events it might +have worth, if earnest people did their part? There is much to be done +for the poor, but the poor are not the only ones to be helped. Sweetness +of temper and honorable action tell as much sometimes in a game of cards +as in an affair of state. The highest good anybody can ever do is to +inspire others with a higher ideal, to raise the level of character. The +specific act by which this is done matters little; in truth it is +usually the result not of an act, but of a noble character influencing +others unconsciously. One might give all her goods to feed the poor and +not leave the world any better than she found it. On the other hand, I +know a frank, light-hearted girl, whose whole mind seems to be absorbed +in choosing the prettiest dresses she can find for her approaching +<i>début</i>, who is sure to be a factor in elevating every<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span> company she +enters, because of her scorn of any form of meanness. She would not +trouble herself to say anything bitter if one of her acquaintances did a +mean thing; but the amazed tone in which she would utter the word +"Fancy!" would inflict a punishment no culprit could escape.</p> + +<p>Most of what is called society is no doubt poor and weak, and not worth +much time or trouble. I think the girls whose pathway does not lead +directly through it are perhaps to be congratulated. It is to be hoped +that most women who reach the age of twenty-five will find something +better to do than to give themselves up entirely to society. But though, +as now constituted, its exactions are so heavy that it often seems as if +it must be all or nothing, it need not inevitably be so. Society could +be so conducted as to be a beautiful recreation instead of a business, +and those who see this clearly can help to bring it about.</p> + +<p>Society ought to give enjoyment in a refined way. Beautiful houses, +beautiful dresses, music, cultivated voices in conversation, delicate +wit, smiling faces, graceful dancing, all these things would make up an +attractive picture to most of us if we could forget ourselves, and not +feel that our shadow was the most prominent part of it. It could not +take the place of our serious daily life, but it ought to supplement it.</p> + +<p>The French writer Amiel has given the most beautiful description of +ideal society, and I will<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span> quote it here. It would, I think, be a good +plan for every girl who wishes to give up society to consider this +picture well. If society were always like this, would you wish to give +it up? If it is not like this, may it not be possible for you to help to +make it so? Is there any better work laid ready to your hand? If so, do +it, by all means. If not, is not this well worth doing?</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>It is thus that Amiel describes a small evening party: "Thirty people of +the best society, a happy mingling of sexes and ages. Gray heads, young +people, <i>spirituelle</i> faces. All framed in tapestries of Aubusson which +gave a soft distance and a charming background to the groups in full +dress.... In the world it is necessary to have the appearance of living +on ambrosia and of being acquainted with only noble cares. Anxiety, +want, passion do not exist. All realism is suppressed as brutal. In a +word, what is called <i>le grand monde</i> presents for the moment a +flattering illusion, that of being in an ethereal state and of breathing +the life of mythology. That is the reason that all vehemence, every cry +of nature, all true suffering, all careless familiarity, all open marks +of passion, shock and jar in this delicate <i>milieu</i>, and destroy in a +moment the whole fabric, the palace of clouds, the magic architecture +raised by the consent of all.</p> + +<p>"It is like the harsh cock-crow which causes<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span> all enchantment to vanish +and puts the fairies to flight. These choice <i>réunions</i> act +unconsciously towards a concert of eye and ear, towards an improvised +work of art. This instinctive accord is a festival for the mind and +taste, and transports the actors into the sphere of the imagination. It +is a form of poetry, and it is thus that cultivated society renews by +reflection the idyl which has disappeared....</p> + +<p>"Paradoxical or not, I believe that these fleeting attempts to +reconstruct a dream which pursues beauty alone are confused +recollections of the age of gold which haunts the human soul, or rather +of aspirations towards the harmony of things which daily reality refuses +to us, and to which we are introduced only by art."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="XV" id="XV"></a>XV.</h2> + +<h3>NARROW LIVES.</h3> + +<p>What is a narrow life? Its causes almost always lie in character. One +either has a narrow nature, or is subject to some tyrant who has a +narrow nature. In such cases there is little hope of remedy.</p> + +<p>But in general circumstances are not responsible for a narrow life. +Illness and poverty indeed are hard to resist, nevertheless I hope to +show by actual examples that broad lives are lived by the sick and poor.</p> + +<p>Once at the wish of a friend I was visiting I went to carry some +comforts to a neglected almshouse on a Western prairie. In the insane +ward I found a poor young fellow suffering from epilepsy. There had been +some brutal treatment in the almshouse and he had tried to escape. Being +overtaken he had fought for his liberty, and in consequence he was +afterwards fastened with a chain and ball of many pounds' weight. He +could not be cared for elsewhere, as his family was very poor, and +though usually perfectly sane he had dangerous intervals. The management +of the almshouse was culpably bad, and though about<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span> this time +benevolent persons began to bestir themselves, and there was some +amelioration of conditions, yet this young man was certainly placed in +as narrowing circumstances as could surround a human being. He was poor +to the degree of pauperism, he had an incurable disease and he was +almost absolutely in the power of tyrants. Remembering that my friend +wished to lend some books to those of the poor creatures who could read, +I asked him if he liked to read. He said yes, that he was very fond of +reading, but could not get any books. I asked him what kind of books he +would like. "Well," he said slowly, "I should be glad of anything; but I +think I should like best stories or biographies which would tell me how +people who were put in hard places met their lives. For," he added +pathetically, "I want to make the most I can of my life." I felt as he +spoke that these were the most heroic words I had ever heard or that I +ever should hear. I left the town in a few days, and my friend at the +same time changed her residence, so I have never known his fate. But I +am sure no circumstances could make a life inspired with such a feeling +a narrow one.</p> + +<p>Fortunately few people are so hemmed in by circumstances. But some of us +think a single misfortune enough to crush us. How, for instance, is a +woman prostrated by disease to make anything of the little life within +her four walls?</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span>I remember a woman who broke down at school and suffered so frequently +from violent hemorrhages all her life, which was prolonged till she was +nearly fifty, that she was seldom able to leave her room. Her home was +on a farm a long distance from the village, so that it at first seemed +as if she could not have even the ordinary alleviation of cheerful +society in her more comfortable days. Another aggravation in her case +was that she had an active temperament and strong mind. She had been +fitting herself to be a teacher, and she had just the qualities which +would have made her an admirable teacher, a clear intellect, quick +observation, firm will, love of children, and a perfectly serene temper. +She had wished to teach, partly because she thought she should find it +an inspiring work, and partly because she wished to help the family. She +saw this was not to be, that in spite of herself she must be a burden on +the family. She met her altered circumstances with the same firm will +and cheerful temper she had shown from childhood. If she must be a +burden on others she would make that burden as light as she could. She +would not suggest that any one should sit in her darkened room all day, +however lonely she might be. She would not call upon others for the +hundred little services not absolutely necessary, but still so very +agreeable to one who is weak and helpless. On the other hand, she would +not exert herself rashly in the vain en<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span>deavor to wait on herself when +such an exertion was likely to injure her, and in the end to bring more +care on other people. She always spoke cheerfully even when her voice +could not rise above a whisper. She was ready to admit the sunshine the +moment she could bear the light. As she lay alone she tried to think of +some pleasant thing to say or do when any one should come in, and in +this way she beguiled the tedious hours.</p> + +<p>Of course she had her reward. No one could be unwilling to take care of +one so unexacting. Moreover, although she often unavoidably taxed the +strength of her friends, she did so much to make them happy that nursing +her was a pleasant task. Her mother and sisters wished to be in her room +as much as possible, not for her sake, but for their own enjoyment. She +never asked them to read aloud to her, for instance, but she was such an +appreciative listener that they could never be quite satisfied with +reading any interesting book to themselves. They enjoyed it doubly with +her wise and witty comments. She had a keen sense of humor which it has +always seemed to me goes a long way in broadening any life,—and +naturally everybody saved the best jokes to relate in her room. She was +frequently too ill to laugh without danger of a hemorrhage, but she soon +learned to control herself so that she laughed with her eyes alone. The +girls from the village, instead of feeling it a duty to visit her in +her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span> sickness, considered it a privilege to be admitted to her room. +When she was able to sit up they would come by twos and threes and bring +their work and chat until she was tired. She had the kind of character +which made gossip impossible with her, so that she always got at the +very best her visitors had to give, and the <i>very best</i> of even a +shallow girl is often worth something. Her friends, however, felt it was +she who gave to them because of her uplifting power.</p> + +<p>She was sometimes able to read and she carried on her education +systematically, though necessarily with many interruptions. She had a +gift for drawing and amused herself often in that way, though, it was +always a sorrow to her that she had had too little instruction to +produce anything of value to others. She was not altogether shut out +from beauty. Her room gave her a view of the sunset every day, and she +purposely left her curtain up for an hour in the evening to watch the +march of the stars. She had the unspotted beauty of the snow in the +winter, and of the grass and flowers in the summer. Sometimes she was +even able to walk about the dooryard a little and gather flowers for +herself. She always had a few house plants in which she took a strong +interest, and which accordingly flourished.</p> + +<p>She was a public-spirited woman and was glad to be made one of the +trustees of the Public Library. She was one of the most efficient +mem<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span>bers of the board, though she was seldom strong enough to be driven +as far as the library building.</p> + +<p>She was determined that her sisters' lives should not be trammeled by +her weakness. The fact that she could not go to a place was all the more +reason why her sisters should go and tell her about it. One sister was a +teacher who at first wished to take the neighboring district school +rather than a much finer position in a distant city simply for the sake +of being constantly with the beloved invalid. But the latter would not +allow this. "I shall never be able to go West myself, you know," she +said cheerfully, "but if you go and I have your letters every week, I +shall know exactly what it is like. And you will be so much more +entertaining in vacations than if you stay at home."</p> + +<p>By the same course of reasoning the sick sister persuaded the teacher to +go abroad to study a year when the opportunity came. "The photographs +you bring home will mean a great deal more to me than any I could buy," +she said. "I shall almost feel as if I had seen the pictures +themselves." Every letter which came from the absent sister did inclose +some imponderable unmounted photograph, with comments. The sister at +home, studying these one by one, learned almost more of the meaning of +the pictures than the one who saw their visible beauty. One of my +friends says, "There is nothing which so destroys<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span> the æsthetic sense as +to see too many beautiful pictures at once." This truth, perhaps, +explains why so many people see all the great paintings of the world and +yet have so little appreciation of any of them. At all events, our +invalid did gain both happiness and spiritual insight from the hints of +beauty she found in these humble little photographs.</p> + +<p>I have before said that she was not left without companions. She also +had friends in the highest sense. Having the leisure to make friendship +a chief business of life she was able to be so much to her friends that +however busy they might be they could not afford to neglect her. The day +of leisurely letter writing seems to have passed by. But she had long +hours by herself when she could write out the good and pleasant things +she was thinking about. Her letters were lovely, and strong, and +helpful, and each was written with such exquisite penmanship, with such +easy lines of beauty, that it was like a work of art in itself.</p> + +<p>She was not obliged even to forego the happiness of love. She had a +young lover at the time her health failed. He would not believe at first +that there was no cure for her. Her instinct had been so true that she +had chosen a perfectly loyal lover whose love could not be shaken by +misfortune. At last he was himself attacked by a terrible disease, and +it was seldom possible for the two to meet after that. But they faced +their trouble to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span>gether. They said that if the time should ever come +when they could be married they should rejoice; but if it never came +they would be all they could to each other. Sometimes even letters were +impossible between them, but their perfect reliance upon each other was +a constant source of strength and happiness, and their rare interviews +were true radiant points in their lives.</p> + +<p>Of course no one would think of calling this woman's life a narrow one, +and yet the only reason it was not so lay in herself.</p> + +<p>I know another woman whose poverty would seem to many people an +effectual bar to any breadth of life. As poverty is a relative term, I +will state definitely that she receives less than three hundred dollars +a year for teaching a difficult village school, and that the whole +support of her frail and delicate mother has fallen upon her except that +the two together own their heavily mortgaged little home. A servant +being out of the question, she rises very early in the morning to do as +much of the heavier housework as possible. Her washing, of course, has +to be done on Saturday. Some of us in such a case would be content with +a low standard of cleanliness—but she has an ideal, and her house and +herself fairly sparkle with neatness. Her exquisite cooking is a special +grace of economy, for it makes it possible that a frugal table should +seem to be richly spread. Of course she and her mother must do<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span> their +own sewing, and they do it so well that they always have the air of +being dressed as ladies, with great simplicity, to be sure, but with +excellent taste.</p> + +<p>At this point, I fancy my readers will make one of two comments. They +will say, "She must have an iron constitution," or "She must spend all +her time on material things. She cannot have a moment for books or +society or travel."</p> + +<p>Now she has not an iron constitution. She suffered in her youth from a +wasting disease, and her physician says she was nearer death than any +person he ever knew to recover. This disease has left its traces upon +her. There is hardly a year when she does not have to be out of school a +week or two for illness, and of course sick headaches and trifling +ailments of that kind have to be met every few days.</p> + +<p>Nor is it true that the daily necessities absorb her whole life. +Obviously, she cannot be a great reader, or rather it is fortunate she +is not so, for if she spent all her little leisure over books, she would +miss much that is inspiring in her life. But she does care for books, +and particularly for the best books, though her school education was +limited. She reads a tiny daily paper and always takes a leading +magazine. She owns Shakespeare and Scott and Shelley, and knows them +almost by heart. She borrows the best of her friends' books, and +occasionally buys a cheap classic.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span> She always has some volume of +biography or travel from the Public Library, which she reads leisurely +with her mother perhaps. It may take her a month to read some little +volume of two or three hundred pages—such a volume as Bradford Torrey's +"Rambler's Lease," or Dr. Emerson's memoir of his father—and possibly +she may not be able in the end to quote any more fluently from these +books than another who reads them through in an afternoon, although I +think she usually is able, but her advantage is that she thoroughly +enjoys the flavor of every sentence; her reading stimulates and +encourages her and makes her happy.</p> + +<p>She was one of the founders of the Book Club in the village, and as the +Public Library grew out of that, there was considerable work to be done +by some of the members, and of this she did much more than her share.</p> + +<p>She is one of the most active members also of the Reading Club and the +Natural History Club, two organizations which combine culture and +society quite as effectually as the more ambitious circles in our +cities. Her house is always hospitably open to either of these clubs, +for she loves society and wishes to make the most of all the intelligent +people in the place who belong to one or the other of them. Her +sociability, however, carries her farther. She knows everybody in the +town well enough for a bow and smile in passing,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span> and that is no small +achievement in a modern village where the population is so fluctuating. +I would suggest that we try for a moment to recall the difference it +makes in the cheerfulness of our day whether all the people we meet have +a pleasant word for us or not; and then, I think, we shall see that her +influence is by no means slight or worthless. Perhaps it is a little +candle, but it throws its beams far.</p> + +<p>She likes to go to see her friends, and she faithfully returns the +semi-formal calls which cannot be avoided even in the most unfashionable +centres. She makes her own callers heartily welcome, and even invites a +friend or two to tea now and then. She is always hospitably ready to +entertain visitors from a distance, and consequently she often has the +pleasant variety of going away on a visit herself.</p> + +<p>She likes to go to the public entertainments of the village. A sewing +society, a Sunday-school picnic, or a fair attracts her. These are +simple pleasures, but taken with such a spirit as hers, they are +innocent and wholesome, even if they seem barren to an outsider.</p> + +<p>She always does her part at all such gatherings. She is ready to serve +on any committee. She will make delicious cake for a Grand Army supper, +or sell flowers in aid of the Village Improvement Society. One would +hardly expect her to have time for such duties, but one of the strong +points<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span> in her character is that she never has any inclination to shirk +a responsibility that belongs to her, and she is generous in her +interpretation of her responsibilities. It has always interested me to +see the persistency with which she pays the extra fraction of a cent +when any expense is to be divided among several people. She knows the +full value of a cent, for she has to count the cost of everything; but +she evidently takes a brave pride in always doing a little more rather +than a little less than justice requires her to do. She has perhaps too +great a scorn of receiving help from anybody. She once acted as a +substitute in school for a friend who was ill. The obliged friend +insisted that she should receive the ten dollars which would otherwise +have been paid to herself. But the independent young lady instantly took +the money and invested it all in a beautiful piece of lace which she +sent as a present to the convalescent. I know of no one who acts more +thoroughly on the rule, "If you have but sixpence to spend, spend it +like a prince, and not like a beggar."</p> + +<p>She is a true lover of nature, without pretense or cant of any kind. She +has an eye for flowers,—indeed her little garden is the delight of the +neighborhood,—and she finds harebells on Thanksgiving Day and ferns in +midwinter. She knows the minerals in the stone-walls, and likes to trace +the course of old glaciers across the farms beyond the village. And she +likes, too, to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span> stroll through the woods, or to float in her dory on the +river, without a thought of mineralogy or botany while she softly +repeats poetry for which she has a real love.</p> + +<p>Of course she has not a large margin of income for luxuries, but she +does take a journey now and then, and she enjoys her journeys with a +zest which would surprise many travelers.</p> + +<p>She has not much money to give away; and yet she often adds a modest +contribution to a subscription paper for some unfortunate neighbor. And +she has lent her boat a hundred times to people who otherwise could not +have one to use. More than that, she will go herself and row for some +child or old person who cannot manage the oars, but who stands on the +bank and looks wishfully at the river. I have never known anybody who +owned a carriage to give half so much pleasure to other people with it, +as she gives with her boat. She is always ready to "lend a hand." She +has watched with a great many sick people, for instance. Most of her +kindnesses are unobtrusive, and she forgets them the next day, but they +make a definite addition to the comfort and happiness of the world.</p> + +<p>"I always like to have Miss Amidon come in to spend the evening", said a +nervous, critical, intellectual man, most of whose life had been passed +among far more pretentious people in large cities, "there is such a +sunny atmosphere about her."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span>Where does Miss Amidon get the strength to do so many good things? She +is not a common woman of course, and yet there is nothing striking about +her. She does nothing great. I have no reason to suppose that her +teaching even is above the average. I think the rare quality in her +character, however, is that she spends the little strength and money she +has on <i>essentials</i>, and so there is always something to show for them.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>I once had a friend who was told by several physicians that she had an +incurable disease. Her own home was gone, and she did not wish to be +dependent upon others. She had been a teacher, and she resolved to go on +teaching. There would be months at a time when she would be obliged to +rest, but then, with unfailing courage, she went back to her work. Once, +when she was only able to sit up a few hours in the day, she took a +position in a boarding-school, where her board was but a trifle, and was +given to her for her instruction of one or two small classes which could +recite in her room where she was propped up in an easy-chair.</p> + +<p>She had a religious nature, and thought calmly of death, while she felt +that in this world her plain duty was to make the most of her life. She +bore her suffering without complaint, did not allow herself to be +anxious, took all measures she could to alleviate her pain and to +improve her health,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span> and was then free to enjoy the few pleasures still +within her reach. As a result, she grew better, and for half a dozen +years was able to support herself well by teaching in a difficult +school. In order to do this, however, she had to live within very narrow +lines. Her disease was of such a nature, that her diet had to be +confined almost entirely to one article. This made it seem best for her +to live in a hotel where she could have little home life. And such a +diet at times became almost nauseating. It was necessary for her to save +all her strength for her daily work, so she had to put aside even the +few pleasures otherwise within her reach. What made this the harder was +that she had never taught from love of the work, though her fine +intelligence and conscientiousness made her an excellent teacher.</p> + +<p>"First, I have to consider my health," she said. "Then I must think of +my work. And that does not leave much room for other things."</p> + +<p>But for her determined and heroic observance of the laws of health, her +life must have been a wreck. Her strong good sense not only saved her +from being a burden to others, but enabled her to do a really valuable +work for her scholars, which I have seldom known any one capable of +doing so well. And all her friends were strengthened by the spectacle of +her cheerful courage. The few years she won for herself by her steadfast +struggle would have been well worth living, even if she<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span> had had no +alleviations of her lot. But she gladly took such little pleasures as +were in her pathway. She chose a pleasant room in the hotel with a wide +outlook over the sea. She spent some happy hours with her favorite +German books, and in a quiet, friendly way she made the acquaintance of +any congenial people who came to the hotel. All this was not very much, +perhaps, but yet it seems fine to me. So many of us would have spent our +strength in mourning our hard fate! I am sure that all of us who had the +privilege of knowing her must always think of her with reverence.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>I know a woman whose deafness shuts her out from ordinary conversation, +and who is nevertheless such an interesting talker and such an +appreciative listener that her friends do not find it a task to spend +hours in talking through her ear-trumpet. Of course each friend brings +only his best to her ears. The very circumstance which would have +narrowed her life if her nature had been narrow, has simply shut off +much that is low from her and left full room for the expansion of all +that is high.</p> + +<p>I knew two women on whom blindness fell in middle life. One with morbid +grief stayed always in her own room. She became totally dependent on +others and wore away her years in sorrow. The other gave up the +luxurious rooms she occupied in a hotel, took a lodging-house, which +she<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span> was able largely to manage herself, made it a delightful home for +every inmate, and kept herself usefully busy and happy. Each of these +women had an only sister entirely devoted to her. One of them narrowed +and the other broadened her sister's life.</p> + +<p>I am almost tempted to say there are no narrow lives except for narrow +natures. But there are many timid and loving women who are forced to +lead restricted lives by domestic tyrants,—a despotic father or +husband, or even sometimes an imperious mother or sister,—and who yet +under other circumstances might expand like a flower. The only help for +such women is in cultivating courage. And it is necessary to remember +that the self-sacrifice which helps others to be their best is good, +while that which suffers them to be tyrants is bad.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="XVI" id="XVI"></a>XVI.</h2> + +<h3>CONCLUSION: A MISCELLANEOUS CHAPTER.</h3> + +<p>In these pages I have not catalogued the virtues which make up the +character of a fine woman, but I think I have made it clear that every +woman should be truthful and loving, courageous and modest. No two women +are alike, and sometimes one virtue dominates and sometimes another. And +we must always be on our guard against the faults of our qualities. A +gentle woman is in danger of being cowardly, and a firm woman of being +obstinate. There is one danger which seems to be peculiarly powerful +with women; that of sacrificing too much to the people nearest them. A +woman knows positively that more is required of her than it is fair she +should give, and yet she gives it, and in most cases she feels a certain +satisfaction of conscience in giving it. Her renunciation comes partly +because she loves those for whom she makes the sacrifice, but partly +also from cowardice. So far as it is simple renunciation, I have not +much to say. If Jane Welsh had not sacrificed herself to Carlyle's +unreasonable demands, it is certain that she might have contributed +something of permanent value to litera<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span>ture, and if Carlyle's colossal +egotism had thus been pruned, his own contribution probably would have +been of higher quality; but as the question of sacrifice came up day by +day, she could hardly measure results, and she did feel the necessity of +struggling with her own selfishness. Life is so much more than +literature that I cannot help thinking she did right, though Carlyle did +wrong in allowing her to efface herself for him. But most women go +farther than this. They allow themselves to be blinded by their wish to +please those nearest them. They wish it were right to yield one point +after another, and they finally do yield and hope they are not doing +wrong, though if they did not firmly shut their eyes, they must see that +they are. I think this is even more fatal to a noble character than +deliberately to choose the wrong, because it confuses moral distinctions +and makes one weak as well as wicked. I suppose more good women have +failed in this way than in any other.</p> + +<p>English novelists describe American girls as exquisitely beautiful, +stylish, quick-witted, energetic, and good-tempered, while the mothers +are portrayed as awkward, dowdy, stupid, and ill-educated, though honest +and kind. We resent the distortion of this picture, for in America, as +elsewhere, girls are largely what they are made by their mothers, yet we +do have certain conditions which make sharp contrasts between moth<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span>ers +and daughters more common here than elsewhere.</p> + +<p>This is especially so in the present generation, for the last fifty +years have been a transition period in woman's education. Before that, +there were no good schools for girls in America, though the country +academies did what they could; and in a few of the large cities there +was a small class of wealthy people who had private teachers for their +girls in music, French, dancing, and perhaps literature.</p> + +<p>Then came the establishment of high-class boarding schools for girls, so +endowed that they were within the reach of people of moderate means. The +eager, ambitious, half-educated mothers sent their bright daughters to +these schools. The best class of girls from the country towns everywhere +now met each other, and mingled, too, with many girls who had had the +opportunities of city life. The teachers in these schools were women of +high character and real refinement, and though they were not all +accustomed to the usages of society, there were always some among them +who were so, and who gave a certain finish to the solid work of the +others. The advantages of these boarding-school girls were so far beyond +those of the previous generation that the line between mothers and +daughters became abnormally broad. The son had advantages at college +which his father had not, but after all, he went to the same college, +and the progress was natural.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span>Then the high schools were opened to girls, and thousands were able to +get a fair education whose mothers had had no opportunities whatever. +And then about thirty years ago, colleges for women sprang up, and the +young women of our day have the same advantages as the young men.</p> + +<p>Mothers must always, of course, expect to be outstripped in some +directions by their daughters. Indeed, they wish to have it so, for they +wish to have their daughters stand on as high ground as possible; but +when the process goes on as rapidly as it has done through the wonderful +opening of the means of education in the last half century, it has a +painful side. Especially is it so in this country, where there is such a +spirit of equality that in spite of all the barriers of caste, the +daughter of a wholly unrefined mother may occupy a high position. In +England a clever daughter may have a stupid mother, but a refined +daughter is not very likely to have a mother who is outwardly coarse, +because class lines have been drawn so distinctly for many generations +that mother and daughter have essentially the same kind of education and +see essentially the same kind of people. In America this is the +exception instead of the rule, though now that the highest education is +open to all women, the chances are that the contrasts will be less sharp +in future.</p> + +<p>But at present the gulf between mother and daughter is often so wide +that it requires more<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span> than tact to bridge it. A sense of duty will keep +a daughter outwardly kind and respectful to her mother, but love is the +mother's only real security; and a mother must be thoroughly good at +heart and refined in feeling to hold the warm love of a daughter whose +intellectual tastes and social standards she outrages every moment. On +the other hand, if the daughter's education has not taught her that +character is more than intellect, it is worse than useless.</p> + +<p>"Intellect separates," said Dr. James Freeman Clarke, "but love unites." +Here lies the key to this problem.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>I have said little of marriage, for the subject is difficult. A +thoroughly high-minded woman will not be likely to marry unworthily, and +she may be trusted to meet the problems that rise after marriage in a +worthy manner. The special difficulties in each pathway will depend on +temperament and circumstances, and no general rules can be laid down for +meeting them.</p> + +<p>I hold to the old-fashioned doctrine that a true marriage opens the way +to the best and happiest life for both men and women. Anything less than +a true marriage is intolerable and debasing.</p> + +<p>But girls can hardly choose whether they will be married or not. They +can say No to all offers, and some women do plan for opportunities to +say Yes, yet most of us feel that there are few cir<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span>cumstances in which +a girl of noble instincts could take the initiative.</p> + +<p>Can parents do anything? Certainly not in the way of trying to win a +particular lover; but they may so educate their daughter as to make her +attractive to such a man as they would wish her to marry, provided that +such an education does not sacrifice higher interests; and then they may +give her the opportunity to see as many such men as possible in her own +home, and in other places where the standards are as high as in her own +home.</p> + +<p>What are the qualities which most attract men? It is hard to say, +because many of the women most loved in their own families and by other +women are not interesting to even the best of men. Probably +warm-heartedness and sweetness of character stand first in the list, and +these are qualities worth cultivating for themselves. Vitality and high +spirits count for much, also. Beauty I think comes next, even with men +who do not care for mere beauty. I do not think we should be indignant +at this. But can beauty be cultivated? Good health does something for +the complexion. Care of the teeth adds another point of beauty. Even +rough hair may be made beautiful by constant brushing. A good carriage +and a gentle voice are points of beauty that depend partly on ourselves. +Taste may be used in dress without sacrificing simplicity. Scrupulous +clean<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span>liness adds a charm of its own. All these attractions may be +cultivated without nourishing the noxious weed of vanity, which many +mothers dread so much. And is it not natural that a man who can +appreciate a good and intelligent woman should find her still more +winning if she has a sweet, fresh face and a trim dress?</p> + +<p>Next we must place domestic tastes. Of course a cook and seamstress and +housekeeper can be hired, and it is quite true that the home instinct is +not the highest in the universe; but it is a fine one, nevertheless, and +at all events it does influence most men in marriage.</p> + +<p>Intelligent men like intelligent wives, and value a certain brightness +of mind; but it must be admitted that few men care to marry intellectual +women unless such women have the tact to keep their gifts somewhat in +the background. (I may here say,—it is not worth more than a +parenthesis—that the infallible rule for securing some kind of a +husband is to be able to flatter a man, either by a real or pretended +interest in him, or a real or pretended admiration of his powers. But I +hope I have no reader who would wish for marriage on such terms, so I +will not catalogue any attractions which ought not to win.) You remember +how Charles Lamb speaks of his Cousin Bridget's knowledge of English +literature. "If I had twenty girls, they should all be educated in +exactly the same way. Their chances of marriage<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span> might not be increased +by it, but if worst came to worst, it would make them most incomparable +old maids." If a woman is not married in the end, the wider and deeper +her education goes, the happier and more useful she is; and yet can we +deny that a very wide education is likely to repel rather than attract +even highly educated men?</p> + +<p>My own solution of the difficulty would be to give a girl the best +education within reach, but to lay such stress on warm-heartedness and +sweet temper that her intellectual attainments would not stand out +prominently and concentrate all attention on them. I should do this, not +chiefly as a matter of policy, but because it seems to me the only way +to preserve the true balance between emotion and thought essential to an +ideal character.</p> + +<p>It may be said that all the qualities I have discussed are rather +superficial, and that it is only when two people have high aims in +common that they are capable of the best kind of love on which alone a +true marriage can be based. And that is right. All education ought to +tend to make a girl noble, and no motive of marriage ought to be held up +before her. But I cannot think it is idle for her parents and friends to +try to make her attractive as well as good, and I cannot think a man is +to be blamed who chooses between two high-minded women the one who has +graces as well as gifts.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span>Another subject which it may be thought ought not to be left untouched +in any volume dealing with women is that of the suffrage. I must frankly +own that though I have thought much upon this subject I have not been +able to come to positive conclusions about it. I am glad for all the +freedom women have gained. I wish to see them entirely free. I think a +woman needs to be free in order to reach the highest nobility; but it is +inward freedom which we most need, and that is independent of +circumstances. Epictetus, a slave, won as complete inward freedom as +Marcus Aurelius, an emperor.</p> + +<p>I see so many arguments on both sides of the question that I am always +vacillating between them, and it would therefore be impossible for me to +treat the matter here. All I can say is, that the longer I live the more +I am convinced that it is personal character which most helps the world +forward, and I think our hearty allegiance to the truth which we clearly +see will in the end teach us new truth.</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p>I began this little book in the hope of saying some helpful words to +girls. I have found it necessary to think of them as having grown into +women. I cannot take leave of them without fancying them as they will be +in old age.</p> + +<p>Charles Dudley Warner once visited the Mary Institute at St. Louis. He +was asked to make a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span> speech, and after glancing at the five hundred +beautiful young girls before him, he turned to the fine faces of the +teachers, many of whom were gray-haired, and said:—</p> + +<p>"It is a beautiful thing to be a charming young lady; and the best of it +is that you will sometime have a chance to be a charming old lady!"</p> + +<p>All old ladies are not charming, but a great many of them are; and would +not all of us be so if we could follow the prescriptions I have given so +liberally for the conduct of life all the way through? Suppose we were +all sweet-tempered and warm-hearted and truthful, and as neat and pretty +as we could be, and bright and intelligent and modest and helpful—do +you not think we should be charming even if our eyes were dim and our +ears dull, and we walked with a cane?</p> + +<p>Nevertheless, there is one practical rule that old people must never +forget. They must keep growing as long as they live. Your temper must be +sweeter at forty than it was at twenty, and sweeter at sixty than at +forty, if it is to seem sweet at all when your bright eyes and red lips +are gone. We can pardon a sharp word from an inexperienced young girl, +who speaks hastily without reflection, but we cannot pardon it so easily +from a woman who has had a lifetime to reflect.</p> + +<p>If you would keep fresh in body, you must not pay too much attention to +rheumatic twinges, and sit still in a corner because you are too stiff +to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span> rise. Take your painful walk, and you will be less stiff when you +come back. You will have fresh life from outside, and not be a burden to +younger lives impatient of your chimney corner.</p> + +<p>One of my friends, who is nearly eighty, has taken a trip to Kansas this +winter, and has been delighted with the new life she has seen. I need +not say that her delight makes her delightful to others. "You need not +suppose," she writes, "that I am going to settle down and be an old lady +yet. I am planning a visit to California next year."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Horace Mann and Miss Elizabeth Peabody were both nearly eighty when +they went to Washington on official business—something in reference to +the Indian troubles, I believe. I have already cited my mother's friend +who began to study botany at ninety. And why not? If the end of +knowledge was to help us to get our daily bread, we might at last fold +our hands; but if it is to open our minds to the glory of the universe, +to make us more worthy to be the immortal souls we hope we are, why +should we not be just as eager to learn at ninety as at nine?</p> + +<p>A sensitive woman is sure to have many and many an experience in life +which will make her heart sad and sore; but I think that every brave and +good woman will also feel more and more, as time goes on, that the +kingdom of heaven is within her.</p> + +<hr /> +<h2><a name="ADVERTISEMENTS" id="ADVERTISEMENTS"></a>ADVERTISEMENTS</h2> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<h1>The Riverside Library for Young People.</h1> + +<p class="center"><i>A Series of Volumes devoted to History, Biography,<br /> +Mechanics, Travel, Natural History, and Adventure. With<br /> +Maps, Portraits, etc., where needed for fuller illustration<br /> +of the volume. Each, uniform, strongly bound<br /> +in cloth, 16mo, 200-250 pages, 75 cents.</i></p> + +<p><i>1. The War of Independence.</i><br /> + By <span class="smcap">John Fiske</span>. With Maps.</p> + +<p><i>2. George Washington: An Historical Biography.</i><br /> + By <span class="smcap">Horace E. Scudder</span>. With Portrait and Illustrations.</p> + +<p><i>3. Birds through an Opera Glass.</i><br /> + By <span class="smcap">Florence A. Merriam</span>. Illustrated.</p> + +<p><i>4. Up and Down the Brooks.</i><br /> + By <span class="smcap">Mary E. Bamford</span>. Illustrated.</p> + +<p><i>5. Coal and the Coal Mines.</i><br /> + By <span class="smcap">Homer Greene</span>. Illustrated.</p> + +<p><i>6. A New England Girlhood, Outlined from Memory.</i><br /> + By <span class="smcap">Lucy Larcom</span>.</p> + +<p><i>7. Java: The Pearl of the East.</i><br /> + By <span class="smcap">Mrs. S. J. Higginson</span>. With a Map.</p> + +<p><i>8. Girls and Women.</i><br /> + By <span class="smcap">E. Chester</span>.</p> + +<p class="center">(<i>Others in preparation.</i>)</p> + +<hr class="smler" /> + +<p>MESSRS. HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN AND COMPANY publish, under the above title, a +series of books designed especially for boys and girls who are laying +the foundation of private libraries. The books in this series are not +ephemeral publications, to be read hastily and quickly forgotten, both +the authors and the subjects treated indicate that they are books to last.</p> + +<p>The great subjects of History, Biography, Mechanics, Travel, Natural +History, Adventure, and kindred themes form the principal portion of the +library. The authors engaged are for the most part writers who already +have won attention, but the publishers give a hospitable reception to +all who may have something worth saying to the young, and the power to +say it in good English and in an attractive manner. The books in this +Library are intended particularly for young people, but they will not be +written in what has been well called the <i>Childese</i> dialect.</p> + +<p>The books are illustrated whenever the subject treated needs +illustration; history and travel are accompanied by maps; history and +biography by portraits; but the aim is to make the accompaniments to the +text real additions.</p> + +<p>The publishers hope to have the active coöperation of parents, teachers, +superintendents, and all who are interested in the formation of good +taste in reading among young people.</p> + +<hr class="smler" /> + +<p class="center">HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN AND COMPANY,<br /> +<i>4 Park Street, Boston; 11 East 17th Street, New York.</i></p> + +<hr class="smler" /> + +<h3>Critical Notices.</h3> + +<hr class="smler" /> + +<p class="center"><i>FISKE'S War of Independence.</i></p> + +<p>John Fiske's book, "The War of Independence," is a miracle. I can never +understand why, when a perfect literary work is issued, all the critics +do not clap their hands! I think it must be because they never read the +books. This story of the war is such a book, brilliant and effective +beyond measure. It should be read by every voter in the United States. +It is a statement that every child can comprehend, but that only a man +of consummate genius could have written.—<span class="smcap">Mrs. Caroline H. Dall</span>, in the +Springfield <i>Republican</i>.</p> + +<p>The story of the Revolution, as Mr. Fiske tells it, is one of surpassing +interest. His treatment is a marvel of clearness and comprehensiveness; +discarding non-essential details, he selects with a fine historic +instinct the main currents of history, traces them with the utmost +precision, and tells the whole story in a masterly fashion. His little +volume will be a text-book for older quite as much as for young +readers.—<i>Christian Union.</i></p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p class="center"><i>SCUDDER'S George Washington.</i></p> + +<p>Mr. Scudder's biography of Washington is a fit companion volume for Mr. +Fiske's little history. It tells the story of the great patriot, +soldier, and statesman with simplicity, sincerity, and completeness. It +is not too much to say of these books that they ought to be put into the +hands of every boy and girl, not only because of that which they +contain, but because of the soundness of their form.—<i>Christian Union</i> +(New York).</p> + +<p>Mr. Horace E. Scudder has executed a difficult task in a praiseworthy +manner. In spite of the innumerable lives of the first President, who +shall say anything new of his career and paint it in fresh colors? Mr. +Scudder has been able to do this, and his book will be welcomed by old +and young.—<i>Boston Beacon.</i></p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p class="center"><i>MERRIAM'S Birds through an Opera Glass.</i></p> + +<p>A capital text-book of the right sort for young observers of Natural +History. By text-book we do not mean a formal school-book, but a book +with a clear method, a capital style, and adequate information. This +little volume describes all the birds to be found in our fields and +woods; describes them, not as an ornithological treatise, but as a +keen-eyed and thoroughly interesting observer would describe them. Such +a volume ought to be the companion of every intelligent boy and girl +during the summer.—<i>Christian Union</i> (New York).</p> + +<p>The book is deserving of praise for its eminently practical nature. The +hints to observers with which it opens, the appendix giving the +classification of birds by general family characteristics, by +localities, by colors, by song, the books of reference, and the index, +all combine to make the book extremely useful.—<i>The Academy</i> +(Syracuse).</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p class="center"><i>GREENE'S Coal and the Coal Mines.</i></p> + +<p>In the vehicle of the author's terse, vigorous language, the reader is +then taken down into the subterranean passages, where he is almost made +to see the operations of mining the fuel, so vividly and picturesquely +is the information conveyed. Interesting and valuable statistics are +quoted, amusing incidents are related, entertaining descriptions and +wise suggestions are given and made, and, taken altogether, though +dealing largely with what is essentially dry in its nature, the book +makes good reading for the old as well as the young.—<i>The American</i> +(Philadelphia).</p> + +<p>All kinds of science and scientific information is, at this day, brought +down from its high points to the lower and more even ground of the young +student's understanding. This book is a good example of that truth. The +exhaustive theme of coal and coal mining is made so concise and simple +that a child can thoroughly comprehend it. The author covers the ground +of study in a simple and interesting way, and furnishes illustrations to +make the words clearer.—<i>New York School Journal.</i></p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p class="center"><i>MISS BAMFORD'S Up and Down the Brooks.</i></p> + +<p>This is a book which it is a pleasure to read and a duty to praise. Miss +Bamford tells us of her rambles by the California brookside, and her +acquaintances made there; of their habits, their transformations, death +and burial, or happier release after a period of observation by the +captor.... On the whole, we do not know among recent books any more +likely to give pleasure to the nature-loving boy or girl, or more +calculated to stimulate the taste for healthy recreation and good +reading.—<i>The Nation</i> (New York).</p> + +<p>A charming book, full of most fascinating details in the lives of +little-known insects, and opening a rich field of study and interest, +accessible to every country child. It cannot be too highly recommended +to parents. The author has sought out her own subjects, and studied for +herself, and her results are delightful.... We would put the book into +the hands of every girl and boy.—<i>Epoch</i> (New York).</p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p class="center"><i>MISS LARCOM'S Recollections of Girlhood.</i></p> + +<p>Its unaffected, sincere, pungent style is refreshing indeed after the +introspection, the smirking self-consciousness, the willful mannerisms, +which make of so many autobiographies little more than a pose before a +mirror. More than all, as a vivid, tenderly sympathetic yet +uncompromisingly truthful picture of phases of New England life, in home +and at work, which have now practically ceased to be, the book has a +permanent, one may say an historical value.—<i>Boston Advertiser.</i></p> + +<p>The story is one that will aid other girls to make the most of their +opportunities, and help them in understanding the real value of life. It +is a book that every girl will be better for having read.—<i>Boston +Herald.</i></p> + +<hr class="smler" /> + +<p class="center">HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN & COMPANY,</p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">4 Park St., Boston; 11 East 17th St., New York.</span></p> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Girls and Women, by +Harriet E. Paine (AKA E. Chester} + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GIRLS AND WOMEN *** + +***** This file should be named 20362-h.htm or 20362-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/3/6/20362/ + +Produced by Curtis Weyant, Martin Pettit and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by Case Western Reserve University Preservation Department +Digital Library) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Girls and Women + +Author: Harriet E. Paine (AKA E. Chester} + +Release Date: January 15, 2007 [EBook #20362] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GIRLS AND WOMEN *** + + + + +Produced by Curtis Weyant, Martin Pettit and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by Case Western Reserve University Preservation Department +Digital Library) + + + + + + +The Riverside Library for Young People + +NUMBER 8 + + +GIRLS AND WOMEN + +BY + +E. CHESTER + +(Harriet E. Paine) + +[Illustration: Publisher's logo] + +_Copyright, 1890,_ + +BY HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN & CO. + +BOSTON AND NEW YORK + +_All rights reserved._ + +_The Riverside Press, Cambridge, Mass., U. S. A._ + +Electrotyped and Printed by H. O. Houghton & Company. + + + + +CONTENTS + + +CHAPTER PAGE + + I. AN AIM IN LIFE 7 + + II. HEALTH 24 + + III. A PRACTICAL EDUCATION 38 + + IV. SELF-SUPPORT.--SHALL GIRLS SUPPORT THEMSELVES? 49 + + V. SELF-SUPPORT.--HOW SHALL GIRLS SUPPORT THEMSELVES? 63 + + VI. OCCUPATIONS FOR THE RICH 82 + + VII. CULTURE 99 + +VIII. THE ESSENTIALS OF A LADY 116 + + IX. THE PROBLEM OF CHARITY 127 + + X. THE ESSENTIALS OF A HOME 136 + + XI. HOSPITALITY 154 + + XII. BRIC-A-BRAC 165 + +XIII. EMOTIONAL WOMEN 173 + + XIV. A QUESTION OF SOCIETY 187 + + XV. NARROW LIVES 201 + + XVI. CONCLUSION.--A MISCELLANEOUS CHAPTER 218 + + +GIRLS AND WOMEN. + + + + +I. + +AN AIM IN LIFE. + + +For the sake of girls who are just beginning life, let me tell the +stories of some other girls who are now middle-aged women. Some of them +have succeeded and some have failed in their purposes, and often in a +surprising way. + +I remember a girl who left school at seventeen with the highest honors. +Immediately we began to see her name in the best magazines. The heavy +doors of literature seemed to swing open before her. Then suddenly we +heard no more of her. A dozen years later she was known to no one +outside her own circle. She was earning her living as book-keeper in a +large five-cent store! She led the life of a drudge, and that was not +the worst of it. She was a sensitive woman, and there was much that was +mortifying in her position. All her Greek and Italian books were packed +away. She knew no more of science than when she left school. At odd +minutes she read good novels, and that was all she had to do with +literature. Those who had expected much of her thought her life was a +failure, and she thought so too. + +Yet there is another side to the picture. The aim she had set for +herself in life was not to be an author, though that idea had taken +strong hold on her, and she tried to realize it in spite of great +discouragements. This was her minor aim, but the grand aim with her had +always been to lead the divine life at whatever cost. It proved to cost +almost everything. Her utmost help was needed for her large family, +which was poor. Unusual as her success with editors had been, no girl of +seventeen could depend on a large income from magazines. A good salary +was offered her as book-keeper, and she accepted it. + +She tried to continue her favorite occupation by rising early, but she +was not strong enough to go on long in that way. She sometimes had an +hour in the evening, but when she saw the wistful look in her mother's +face she would not shut herself up alone. At the rare times when she was +still free to choose she went back to her books and her pen, but she +could not do much, and at last she felt it would be better not to try. +It was simply a source of vexation, and she needed a serene mind above +all things. + +The only way her life could open towards beauty or happiness at all was +by putting the true spirit into her daily work. With a resolute heart +she did this. No books were ever more beautifully kept than hers; every +figure was clear and perfect; every column was added without a mistake. +In short, she did her work like an artist. + +To the sales-girls she was like a guardian angel. She might have written +good stories all her life without helping others half so much. Little, +weak, frivolous girls became strong, fine women simply from daily +contact with her. She did not realize that. She only knew that she loved +the girls and that they loved her. She did know that she helped her +family--with her money. Her spirit helped them unconsciously still more. + +When at last she gave up the minor aim of her life, and no longer tried +to be learned or famous, she had her energies set free for many little +things which had previously been crowded out. It was easy now to find a +leisure hour to help any one who needed sympathy. There was time to +watch the beauty of the sunset or of the falling snow. If she had no +time to scramble through a volume of a new poet, she could still learn +line by line some favorite old poem, and let it sink into her heart, so +that it did its work thoroughly. If she could not find time to learn the +history of all the artists from the time of Phidias to the last New York +exhibition, yet when a beautiful picture was before her she could look +at it thoughtfully without feeling that she must hurry on to the next. +In this way, perhaps, she gained a more absolute culture than in the way +she would have chosen, a culture of thought and character which told on +every one who came near her. + +She was always climbing up towards God, and his help never failed her. +The climbing was hard, yet the pathway was radiant with light. Those who +were stumbling along in the darkness by her side saw the light and were +able to walk erect. + +I cannot say she was altogether happy with so many of her fine powers +unused. Perhaps she was not even quite right in sacrificing herself +completely. Sometimes she fostered selfishness in others while she tried +to cast it out of herself. But so far as she could see she had no +choice. If she had refused the sacrifice, it would have been by giving +up the grand aim of her life. Her minor aim was good in itself, but it +conflicted with something better. Those who did not know her life +intimately thought it a failure. Those who saw deeper knew that her +utter failure in what was non-essential had been the condition of +essential success. + + +I remember another brilliant girl who did win her way. She was poor and +plain and friendless, but she won wealth and fame and friends, and then, +with all this success, she blossomed into beauty. She had a struggle, +but she came out victorious. I think she was happy. She was glad to be +beautiful and to be loved. She had music and pictures and travel in +abundance, and she appreciated these things. She liked to give to the +poor, and she did give bountifully and with a grace and sweetness better +than the gift. + +She painted pictures which everybody admired, and that pleased her. She +had dreamed of all this when a child. She had genius and she had +perseverance. Her aim was to be a famous artist, and she did not flinch +from any work or sacrifice which would help her to that end. So far all +was well, and she reached the goal. As there was nothing to prevent her +carrying out secondary plans at the same time, she could be cultivated +and charitable without giving up her great object. + +She wanted to be good besides. She never deliberately decided for the +wrong against the right. And yet a noble life was not first in her +thoughts. When she was a school-girl she had a lover who was like a +better self. By and by he chose to study for the ministry, while she +went to the city to try her fortune. So far they shared every thought +and feeling and hope. She knew she was a better woman with him than with +any one else. But at last he was called to a remote country parish, and +for himself was satisfied with it. But she--how then could she be his +wife? Her heart was torn in the strife. Some women whose vision was +less keen would have married him, hoping that in some way they might +still carry out their own ambition. But she was at a critical point in +her career and she knew it. She had just begun to be known personally to +influential people, and her name was beginning to be known to the +public. She dared not risk leaving her post. She wrote her lover a +charming letter,--for she did love him,--and told him how it was. "When +I have won my victory," said she, "I shall be a free woman. And you will +love me just as much when I have more to give you than I have now. But +now I have my little talent confided to me, and I dare not fold it away +in a napkin." Her lover agreed to this, though it was hard for him. They +worked apart year after year. At last she was a free woman, with money +enough to live without work at all, and with fame enough to work when +and where she pleased. But gradually she cared less and less for the +objects of her lover's life. She would not own to herself that she had +failed in constancy to him. She always thought she was glad to see him +when he came to the city. But he felt the difference in her, though he +tried not to see it. She was far more beautiful than when he had first +loved her; but in the days when she was so plain and had worn shabby +dresses there had been an expression about her mouth which he missed +now. The lovely face was still eager with longing, but it had lost the +look of aspiration. Reluctantly, he admitted the change in her. At last +he told her what he felt, that she had ceased to love him. She had +deceived herself so far that she had not realized how idle her excuses +were for putting off the marriage from year to year. When the separation +came she felt a sharp pang--as much of mortification at her own failure +as of wounded love. Yet she consented to the separation, and she seemed +to be happy after it. She thought her life had been tragic, and that she +had made a heroic sacrifice of her love to the necessity which her +genius laid upon her to do a certain work in the world. + +I should be afraid to say that she was altogether wrong. There are, no +doubt, some women who are meant to serve the whole world rather than the +little domestic circle. And yet she did give up what she had believed +the best part of herself. And her pictures, though they were admired, +lacked an indescribable something of which her first crude sketches had +given promise. I do not think that, after all, they did very much to +interpret beauty to the world. She had two aims in life, both good, but +she placed the first second, and the second first. Perhaps, on the +whole, she was happier for the choice she made. But she missed something +better than happiness which is always missed by those who make the lower +aim their object--she missed the aspiration for higher happiness. + +I have seen many successful lives led by women who as girls showed very +moderate abilities, simply because they had one definite aim. I knew a +girl who became an excellent actress. She was a pretty girl with a +little talent. She was not poor, but she had an ambition to be on the +stage. She had the good sense to see that she was not a genius, but she +also had courage enough to persevere in using the ability she had. For +the first ten years she made so little apparent headway that even among +her acquaintances many people did not know she had ever acted at all. In +the mean time she had studied hard. She knew many popular plays by +heart, and had carefully watched other actresses. She was acquainted +with a number of theatrical people. She had always been at hand when a +manager wanted an extra peasant girl, or when a waiting maid was ill. +She had joined a small troupe traveling through the bleakest and +roughest parts of the Northwest in midwinter. By and by she was fitted +to be of use in a stock company. Then, after a few more years, she +achieved what she had been striving for. She was able to take the +slighter characters in the plays of Shakespeare. No one excelled her +here. No great actress would take so small a part, and no small actress +was willing to take such pains. Her power was unique and she was +indispensable. Her name was seldom on the play-bills, but she added +something to the culture of the world by making the interpretation of +Shakespeare more complete. + +Her success came first from having a definite aim, and second, from +understanding herself sufficiently to aim at something within her power; +but happily it was also the highest thing within her power. She was both +humble and aspiring. She showed her humility in shrinking from no +drudgery, and satisfied her cravings for the ideal by doing the smallest +thing in the best way possible to her. She enjoyed even her drudgery +because she put the best of herself into it, but, more than that, she +knew it was leading her exactly in the direction she wanted to go. If +the drudgery had led to nothing she would have needed all the moral +power of our little book-keeper to save her from misery. Her own happier +life required some moral power, how much it is hard to say. A woman +might do all she did and be little the better for it. It would depend on +the aim she cherished in her heart. If she had no higher aim than to be +a good actress her life did not avail much. But if her acting was only +the minor aim, then her life was thoroughly noble as well as successful. +Her choice of a minor aim makes it probable that she also had the +highest aim. Otherwise she would have been either more or less humble. +She would either have wished to be a star actress or have been contented +with any trifling parts which brought her money and admiration. + +The best happiness comes from our perseverance in following the grand +aim of life. But "the kind of happiness which we all recognize as such" +is generally that which comes from the successful pursuit of our minor +aim. Herbert Spencer says that every creature is happy when he is fully +using his powers. I have known a girl with a magnificent voice who +endured great hardships for a musical education, and who finally +accomplished her purpose and enchanted the world with her singing. She +was happy. Of course everybody expected her to be. But I have known +another girl, equally happy, carefully working in the laboratory to find +the water-tubes of a star-fish or the nerves of a clam. This girl said +to me with a face bright with enthusiasm, "When I first began to work +with Professor ---- in the laboratory it was as if I had been traveling +all my life in a desert land, and had suddenly come upon fountains of +fresh water." She was as poor and obscure as my singer was rich and +famous, but she was using her powers and was happy. + +Of course the kind of happiness to be found even in secondary success +depends on the great aim of any life. In some cases it almost seems as +if the minor aim were the only one. The happiness it brings cannot go +very high, yet so far as a looker-on may judge it feels like happiness. +But most people--perhaps all, if we only knew it--do acknowledge the +grand aim in life, even though they make very little effort to reach +it. When they consciously neglect this for the minor aim, they are +uneasy and not thoroughly happy; but when the minor aim is good in +itself and is always made subservient to the higher, success there does +prove a well-spring of delight. + +Spencer's remark is also true in the best sense, for no powers crave +exercise so much as the higher powers. If my singer had done a sinful +deed no applause could have made her happy. And, on a lower plane, if +she had lost the husband she dearly loved, even her art would not have +satisfied her. + + +It may seem as if I am choosing all my illustrations from among people +who have special gifts, and that nothing I say applies to the great army +of girls who will never be distinguished, and who are all the dearer for +not wishing to be so. I have not forgotten this, but I began with +striking illustrations because they are easiest to understand. + +The grand aim of life should be the same for all, whether gifted or not. +But the particular aim must vary with the individual. Probably with five +girls out of ten the particular aim is to have a happy home. Once we +might have said nine girls out of ten, but the present tendency of +thought is to make girls ambitious,--too ambitious, it sometimes seems, +for the very best of life. + +Of course selfishness shows itself in various ways, and the girl who +wishes to have a happy home without thinking how she shall make a happy +home may be more selfish than the girl who dreams of fame, but with the +understanding that the price of fame is, and ought to be, the giving of +some blessing to the world. + +I know a delightful girl who seems to think of nothing but making others +happy from the moment when she meets her maid with a cheerful +"Good-morning," till she contrives that some less attractive girl shall +have the most desirable partner in the ball-room in the evening. She +gives her money and her time and her thought to the service of other +people. This is so natural to her that no one thinks of her as making it +a conscious aim, but the result is so beautiful as to suggest that it +would be the best aim for every girl. Nevertheless she has a still +higher aim, for sometimes the happiness of other people--at least their +visible happiness--clashes with some other duty. Then she does not fail. +She gives her hard refusal in pleasant but firm words, and she tells the +truth even if it makes some one wince. She is not a genius, but, on the +whole, I hardly know another girl so full of the best life. That her +highest aim is the true one is without question, and that her minor aim +is the true one for her must also be admitted. Whether it is so for all +is not quite clear. She has the natural gift which makes all her +ministrations to others acceptable, but every one is not so endowed. + +She has a cousin as unselfish as she is whose capacity is entirely +different. She is a quiet, reserved, thoughtful girl, who always speaks +slowly. She is just and good-tempered, and is ready to give her time and +money when she sees she can be of use. But her thoughts move in other +channels. She has excellent mathematical abilities, and she is always +resolving some difficult problem. She hopes some day to do some work in +astronomy. Of course she would be glad to do some great work and be +known as a benefactor to mankind, but probably she works from love of +her work more than from the hope of doing good. She, too, is charming, +but it takes a long time to know her well. + +Should one of these girls try to do the work of the other? Or is one +better than the other? I think not, since both look so steadily towards +the highest star in their field of vision. The minor aim of life must +always have reference to the gifts of the individual. Even visiting the +poor would become absurd if nobody did anything else. + + +If we believe in an overruling Providence we cannot of course say that +anything is by chance; but so far as we can see, failure in this +world--that is, failure to reach our minor aim--does sometimes seem to +be due to a trifling accident. Yet success is not so. If Byron, for +instance, awoke one morning and found himself famous, it was because he +had previously done the work which was suddenly recognized by the world. +Indeed, none of us need look for success who does not choose a definite +aim in life. And, more than that, no discouragement must turn us aside +from it. We may fail in the end then, but we shall have followed the +only possible path to success. + + +How shall we choose our aim? We know what our grand aim must be, and +that if we do our part there we shall not fail, for we shall have God to +help us; and we know that our minor aim must never be opposed to this. +But what shall our minor aim be, or shall we be content to drift without +any at all? + +We must try to understand ourselves so far at least as to know what our +own powers and tastes are, and choose accordingly. A young girl hardly +knows her own bent. Then the uncertainty in regard to her marriage and +the great change that necessarily makes in her pursuits renders the +problem harder for her than for her brothers. + +Most girls wish to be the centre of a happy home, but many of them are +very careless about the means of making themselves fit to be such a +centre. They think when love comes it will do everything, and it is true +that it will do wonders. But suppose a girl remembers that if she is +well she can make her family happier then if she is always +ailing,--suppose she remembers how much good housekeeping does to make a +home attractive; that if she is musical her singing will calm the +troubled waters, while if she is not her practicing will be a burden; +that there are some studies which bear directly on life and some others +which will be of infinite use to a mother in training her children,--is +she not more likely to have a happy home than if her aim had been less +definite? + +But what of the girls who choose this aim and who never have a home? +Their lot is hard, but they may add happiness to some home not their +own. If they are not obliged to support themselves, they can probably +create some kind of a home for themselves, though not that of their +ideal. If they must earn their living, the problem is harder. +Circumstances may force them into a widely different path from that they +would have chosen. Then they must remember the grand aim of their lives, +and do the best work they can for the sake of it. Still, they may use +the home-making faculty in some measure in the humblest attic. + +But there is a large and ever larger class of girls with other tastes +than domestic ones. Here, I think, the danger is greater than in case of +even the most unfortunate girls with domestic tastes; for tastes and +talents do not always agree. We have all known girls willing to practice +six hours a day who could never be musicians, and most girls think they +could write a book. Many people who are quite free to choose make too +ambitious a choice. It seems a part of the office of culture to correct +such ambitions. I have in mind a class of half-taught school-girls many +of whom fondly hoped to be poetesses; and I remember a class of highly +cultivated girls, who had had every advantage of education which money +could buy, who were full of anxiety on leaving school because they could +not see that they had capacity enough to do any work worth doing in the +world. The general verdict among them was that as they had money they +could give it to the poor, but that they had nothing in themselves. They +were as much too timid as the others were too confident. + +A girl who has to earn her living has a safeguard, for which few are +very thankful. No one will pay her to indulge her tastes without +reference to her talents. She finds out gradually what _ought_ to be her +minor aim, for she discovers the special service she can render to the +world in return for what it offers to her. In most cases she wins a +reasonable measure of success and happiness. + +But some of us are obstinate. We see one pathway we long to tread even +though it is beset with stones and briers. We are determined to take +that way, even if we never climb high enough to penetrate the low-lying +mists which darken it. We would rather pursue even a little way the +painful pathway which leads to the glorious mountain-top than to follow +an easier path to some lower summit. If we truly feel that, we do well +to take the path, for we have a right to forget ourselves for the sake +of our aim. But if we ask for success after all, it is mere blind vanity +which makes us so obstinate in our choice. + +Let us remember that our direct usefulness in the world and most of our +conscious happiness will depend on our choosing and steadily pursuing as +our minor aim that for which our nature fits us, even if we wish our +nature had been different; while our utmost usefulness and our highest +happiness will depend on our clearness of vision in seeing, and our +unwavering fidelity in following, the grand aim of life. + + + + +II. + +HEALTH. + + +Mr. Clapp says enthusiastically that we cannot imagine Rosalind or +Portia or Cordelia or Juliet with neuralgia or headache. And I believe +that Shakespeare's women have now taken the place of the more +lackadaisical and sentimental heroines of the past in the minds of many +girls. + +Now that girls wish to be well, it is worth while to consider two +questions. First, why is health so important? Unless the answer to this +question is clear, how can any one be ready to sacrifice health to any +higher duty? Girls do sacrifice it frequently even when they know what +they are doing, but it is generally for a caprice, because they want to +dance later or skate longer, or study unreasonably; or sometimes they +cannot resist the temptation of food which is not convenient for them, +or they are willing to indulge their nerves too much, or it is too much +trouble not to take cold. + +I wish every girl who knows that she does not live up to her light in +this respect would say to herself once a day for a month, "I ought to be +vigorously well if I want to do my part in the world, or to be in +thoroughly good spirits." I wish she would think of the meaning of what +she says, and then see if she does not do some things she is loth to do +and avoid some pleasing temptations. I believe a month's application of +this formula would give her a new insight into the value of health. I +speak not only of health, but of _vigorous_ health. We want to do our +part in the world, and that part ought to be our utmost. Agassiz could +work fifteen hours a day. Most of us could never do anything so +magnificent as that, and the attempt to do it would probably end in our +being unfitted to do any work at all. But suppose Agassiz had said, +"Twelve hours is too much for most men to work, so I can afford to be +careless of my surplus health as long as I have strength to work twelve +hours." The world would not only have lost much in the matter of his +discoveries, but the spirit of all his work would have been different. I +do not mean that it was necessarily the best thing for Agassiz even to +work fifteen hours a day on fishes. He might have given part of his time +to music, or friends, or novels, because he saw that, on the whole, such +recreation met the higher needs of life. But I mean that he was a man to +whom a full life was possible for fifteen hours a day, and that he would +have been wrong to be satisfied with less. + +And now, second, _how_ shall girls be thoroughly well? The laws of +health are few and simple. They are so well understood by the parents +of this generation that it may seem a waste of time to allude to them +here. Yet I am writing for girls whose ideas are often vague. + +One word in regard to the study of Physiology. It is a fine study. If a +girl thoroughly understands how her body ought to work in health, how +one organ acts with another, then, in case of any local disturbance, she +will probably be capable of seeing how, if the general tone of the +system is raised, the particular difficulty will disappear, and she will +no longer follow blindly rules she has learned by rote. Yet people learn +more by practice than by theory, and it is probable that the fascinating +study of Physiology is of more use intellectually than physically to +most school-girls. If they are allowed to dwell much on diseases of the +body instead of on its normal action, the study may be a positive injury +to them by leading to morbid conditions. + +And now again, What are the essentials of health? Several things may be +regarded as equally necessary, so that I cannot lay down rules in +exactly the order of importance, yet it is purposely that I begin with + +_Breathe fresh air._ + +Food is important, but we can live hours without taking food, while we +must have air every moment. Moreover, the oxygen of the air actually +nourishes the body as food does, by forming a part of the blood. + +How shall we get fresh air? First, by spending all the time possible out +of doors, both in summer and winter, in storm and sunshine. Every one +acknowledges the advantage of exercise in the open air for its own sake; +but in New England we have not yet learned how far it is possible to +live in the open air. I was once at a country-house in Switzerland which +illustrates this ideal. The breakfast-table was spread on a terrace +shaded by plane-trees, outside the dining-room door. The table was then +cleared and books and work brought out. The family devotions were +conducted there. The students studied and wrote, the ladies sewed and +knit, and the maids prepared the vegetables for dinner which was also +eaten there. For six months in the year this was the ordinary course of +life. It would not, to be sure, be possible in all climates, but oftener +than we think. + +Yet two thirds of our life must be passed in the house, and usually in +closed rooms on account of the cold. Now two persons cannot sit an hour +in one room before the air becomes vitiated. Most forms of ventilation +prove inadequate. M. was a vigorous young lady who made it a rule to +leave a window slightly open all the time she was at work, being careful +not to sit in the draught. But where this is not convenient, it is a +good plan to open a window wide every hour or two for a minute. I knew a +girl who tried that plan, but gave it up because it seemed so +ridiculous to jump up from her studies every little while for the +purpose. Yet nothing is worse than to sit still at one occupation for +several hours, and even the slight change of position would do one +almost as much good as the fresh air. + +It is indispensable to have the window open through the night in every +sleeping-room. But here caution is needed, because when the body is +quiet a draught is a serious injury. Strips of wood across the open part +of the window will generally be sufficient protection. Some of you +shiver at the idea of breathing out of door air in the winter. You are +so cold! Do you know that the moment you begin to breathe it you begin +to grow warm from the increased action of the blood? But + +_Do not take cold._ + +The results of colds are more serious than one likes to say. +Consumption, pneumonia, catarrh, deafness are some of their names. And +the whole tone of the system is lowered by them. But the over-careful +people are precisely those who suffer most from colds, because here, as +in so many other directions, the nerves have sway. + +Now, most colds are taken in one of four ways: By sitting in a draught, +by becoming thoroughly chilled, by wetting the feet, and by breathing +raw air. But none of these things are necessarily injurious to a young +girl in ordinary health--_provided_ she at once does what she can to +counteract their effects. Move out of the draught, warm the body as +thoroughly as it was chilled, dry the feet before sitting down, and +cover the mouth with a veil so that the air is slightly warmed before +breathing. Then one need never stay in for the weather, even if one +already has a cold. + +Of course there are very delicate girls who need special care, but I am +speaking to the average girl. Do not forget that a cold is a terrible +thing, but also remember that it can be avoided by a little care at the +right time, and by entire forgetfulness at other times. + +_Take plenty of exercise._ + +The more you can exercise in the open air the better. And if you take +exercise you will find it possible to be out of doors on very cold days. +If you are not strong on your feet, perhaps you are strong in the +muscles for rowing. If you cannot row, perhaps you can ride. If you +cannot ride, perhaps you can drive. If you cannot drive, perhaps you can +exercise in the gymnasium. If you cannot do any of these things, do what +you can. Walk from your door to the street and back again. Do the same +thing over in fifteen minutes, and unless you are a miserable _bona +fide_ invalid your muscles will soon become more useful. Doing errands, +and going about to people who need you, will give you valuable exercise +for which you take no thought. + +But some of you are too busy to exercise many hours a day in the open +air, and so you ought to be. The next best thing for you is housework. +Perhaps you do not like that because you see it under the wrong angle of +vision. Whether you like it or not, it is within reach of most of you, +and would do you good. + +But suppose your books and your sewing are necessary and keep you busy +all day. Then you are to remember to change your position often. At the +end of every hour, when you open the window, take a few deep breaths, +stretch your arms and legs and fingers, and you will be better able to +go on with your task. + +_Eat such food as you can thoroughly digest._ + +There are persons who are always troubled as to what they shall eat, and +who, with all their care, are always ailing. I do not want you to think +about your food so much that you can digest nothing, but I believe that +a very little observation will teach you what is good for you +individually. If you have a dizzy head, or rising of food, or a bad +breath, or uneasiness of the bowels, you may be pretty sure that you +have eaten something that disagrees with you, and by a little +watchfulness you may discover what it is and avoid it. + +Food that you can digest very well when you are fresh may be much too +heavy for you when you are tired. And if you are thinking intently while +you eat, the blood is drawn from the stomach where it should be to the +brain where it should not be. Few people can digest vegetables not +thoroughly cooked, or fruit not thoroughly ripe. I think the study of +Physiology is of more practical hygienic value in teaching the absolute +necessity of using food that can be readily assimilated by the body, and +in showing how different foods should be combined to that end, than in +any other way. A little fish or meat, especially beef, considerable +bread, especially of the coarser grains, some vegetables, and fruit +according to individual organizations, make up the necessary daily fare. +A tired stomach should begin with soup. As for the thousand appetizing +viands set before us, each must decide for herself what to eat. As long +as you have none of the symptoms of indigestion, it is probably safe to +gratify the appetite and take delight in food without further care; but +if these symptoms appear, think first whether you were too tired, or had +too busy a brain to digest anything; next, whether anything you ate was +unripe or underdone, and finally, whether there was anything in the bill +of fare which had ever troubled you before. Then correct your future +practice accordingly, and think no more about it. Depend upon it, you +will soon be well, and, further, you will find, with mortification +perhaps, that some of the headaches you thought came from overtaxing the +brain, or from sensibility to the woes of the world, were really due to +improper food. As compensation for your mortification you will be a +more useful woman for your whole life. + +_Work regularly with both body and mind._ + +Those who must work for self-support are probably, on the whole, in +better health than those who are free from necessity. A girl who stands +all day behind a counter runs some risks in health, but her chances are +still as good as those of the fine lady who broods over imaginary +ailments till they become real. To those who must work I have but little +to say, for they have a narrow margin of choice. There are several +suggestions to be made, however. If your work is physical, use a little +of your leisure every day in some mental occupation. The best thing is +to do some real studying. If you can only spend fifteen minutes every +day on history or literature or botany or French, you will find yourself +the better for it bodily, because it will give you an outlook beyond the +daily horizon, and take your thoughts from your own weariness. If you +have no leisure, or if your work is so exhausting that even fifteen +minutes of study seems burdensome, then keep some interesting novel of +good tone at hand, and read a little in that every day to change the +current of your thoughts. If you find, however, that you usually have +more than an hour for your novel, you may suspect that fifteen minutes +of study would not hurt you. + +Do you know that you are never resting when you are thinking that you +are tired? When you are tired rest at once, if you can, by sitting or +lying down, or taking recreation, as experience has shown you to be +best. But then think no more about it. Perhaps you may be overworking. +If you truly believe this and see any possibility of saving yourself, do +so, even if you have to give up something which seems particularly +important. If you _must_ overwork,--and there are such cases, though +they are not so common as we think,--accept the condition as a part of +the discipline of life, rest whenever you can, and say and think as +little about it as you can. This advice is to save you from one form of +the nervous diseases which are the peculiar misfortune of our time. + +If your work is sedentary take physical exercise in your leisure +time,--out of doors, if possible; but remember that housework is the +best substitute for that. + +The women who are not obliged to work are those who most need this +precept. They can drive, and by and by they cannot walk. They can lie on +the lounge when they feel indisposed, and they lie there long after they +would get up if they had any work to do. They have the best chance for +complete physical development, but they have great temptations to +neglect their opportunities. Among the sweetest of such women there is +an alarming amount of nervous disease, which is, alas! at the foundation +a refined selfishness. To speak plainly, as one has said, we are all as +lazy as we dare to be, and these women have no check upon laziness. No +power of body or mind can be preserved without exercise, and the muscles +grow soft, and the moral fibre grows weak. These women are lovely, they +speak in gentle voices, and they never use a harsh word, but they rule +all about them with a rod of iron. Dr. Weir Mitchell, in his blunt way, +says that nervous diseases among women have destroyed the happiness of +more families than intemperance. + +By and by the invalid cannot rally even if she has the will, but it is +hard to decide where responsibility ends. If your mothers or your aunts +are nervous invalids, do not judge them. Causes may have been at work +which you cannot see. Pity their terrible misfortune, and do all you can +to make them happy. But you, who have the added light of another +generation, are inexcusable if you fall into such a state. + +How can you avoid it? It is easy to say, "Do not talk about your +headaches, or your delicate constitution;" but how are you to help +thinking about these things? Decide on regular daily work for +yourselves. If you are still school-girls and your head feels heavy in +the morning, think whether you would be justified in staying at home if +you were a teacher. Teachers have headaches too, but they seldom stay at +home for one, and they are seldom the worse for going to school. + +When you leave school undertake some regular work. Take charge of the +marketing, or oversee the housekeeping for a year. Ask the officers of +the Associated Charities to give you something definite to do, and do it +regularly. If you are not fitted for visiting the poor, suppose you make +experiments in natural science. See what Lubbock did with ants, bees, +and wasps. There are thousands of such experiments to be tried, but few +people have the leisure for them. You may not understand your results, +but you can make the accurate observations which are absolutely +necessary before a great man can find out the laws which govern them. + +Some mental work you must do. Of course you wish that. If you are in a +city like Boston, I will tell you what you will be tempted to do. You +will be tempted to sandwich your parties and calls and concerts with two +or three courses of morning lectures given by highly trained +specialists. In this way you will get a delightful society knowledge of +history and literature and art and science, but you will not really +exercise your mind very much. Your knowledge will be available for talk, +but not for thought. Go to the lectures by all means,--though perhaps +one course at a time will do; but be sure that every day at a fixed hour +you study the subject of the lecture by yourself, and make it thoroughly +your own. + +Am I wandering from the topic of health? I think not, because during +the last fifty years we have learned almost all the laws of health, and +yet we are not much better than before, for our nerves are still on +edge. Now girls, even rich girls, can control their nerves, if they +begin soon enough, with will and intelligence. And nothing will help +them more than to have their bodies and minds constantly employed in +rational ways so that there is no room for nervous fancies. + +_Take the rest you need._ + +It is hard to know how much you need. Some people must have more than +others. It is easy to be lazy on the one hand, and to be dissipated on +the other. Some people are injured by springing out of bed as soon as +they wake, and others by letting the time drift by while they doze. Some +one gives this good rule, "Decide when you ought to rise to make the +best use of your day. Make a point of rising at that time; but go to bed +earlier and earlier till you find out how much sleep you need in order +to be fresh at that hour in the morning." Such a rule would meet most +cases, but not all; for though regularity is as important for health as +for a wise life, it cannot be an iron regularity, especially if a girl +is at all delicate. I would give more flexible rules, though it is +harder to keep flexible rules than iron ones. + +I have said before that when you are tired you should rest at once, if +you can. Rest completely, but not long. Half an hour on the sofa is +generally enough. Rise early, because an extra hour in the morning can +be better used than one later in the day, and if duties crowd you get +tired in remembering what you cannot do. But if you are not fresh in the +morning, go to bed earlier. If that does not meet the case, your +weariness probably comes from some other cause than insufficient rest. +Perhaps your room is not well ventilated, or you may suffer from +indigestion, or you may exercise your brain too much and your body too +little. If you sit over books or sewing all day, you will always be +tired however many hours you sleep. Most girls from fifteen to twenty +need about nine hours sleep. If you wish to rise at six, you ought to be +in bed at nine. + +A few, a very few, of you must be invalids. You may have inherited a +wasting disease, an accident may have crippled you, or something else +beyond your control may have brought this misfortune upon you. But most +of you have it in your power to be well, and remember you will be doing +something morally wrong if you become feeble women. + + + + +III. + +A PRACTICAL EDUCATION. + + +What is a practical education for a girl? Whatever will fit her for +life. The question and answer are trite. What will best fit a girl for +life? First of all a well-balanced character. I knew a girl who was a +good cook before she was ten years old; she had a genius for sewing; she +was an excellent scholar in school, and had musical talent, and yet +because of her capriciousness she never filled any place she was called +upon to fill in life, and her home was a place of discomfort to her +husband and children. Another girl, one of the noblest I ever knew, also +found the practical details of life easy, but she was always tossed +about from one occupation to another, and from one home to another, +because when she found every reality fall short of her ideal she had not +the good sense to work quietly to improve the matter, but went about +proclaiming her disgust. The first thing we all need is to have our +wills so trained that when we see the right, we may instantly do it, and +after that we need to be taught to see clearly what is right. + +But as character may be formed in many ways why not form it by teaching +practical things? What, then, does a girl most need to learn? + +To read, to cook, and to sew. + +I put reading first, for though no civilized beings can live without +cooking and sewing, and we occasionally find good and gentle women who +cannot read, yet a woman of real character who can read can teach +herself any branch of housekeeping which she is convinced she ought to +know, while a cook cannot teach herself to read in any broad sense; for +by reading I do not mean pronouncing words. I want a girl to have a +taste for good reading. She may study the whole circle of the sciences +without reaching this end, or she may not have more than half a dozen +books in her library and yet learn the lesson. The practical advantage +of most of her studies in school depends on whether or no they lead to +this result. How many girls ever use chemistry, or physics, or geology, +or zooelogy in any practical way? Yet what a difference the study of all +these things makes in the kind of reading women enjoy! Who can learn +enough history in school to be equipped even to teach history? Every +teacher knows that to be impossible. But a girl who has studied history +properly in school, who has been taught to think about the influence of +men on nations and of nations on men, has open to her a vast +treasure-house of books which will add both to her usefulness and +happiness. + +Some of you may think it is artful in me to propose this broad education +under the pretense of requiring that one learn to read, but it is not +so. I do believe in a very broad education for girls; but if I had to +choose between a broad education which had crammed a girl with +knowledge, yet left her without a love for good reading, and a very +narrow one which had awakened that thirst, I should choose the second. + +But why do I call this a practical education? Before I answer the +question, I must say more on the subject of reading. A girl may enjoy +biography, history, travels, and science and yet not have a taste for +the best reading, that is, for true literature. She needs essays, +novels, and especially poetry. She needs to be able to decide what is +best and what is not; she must learn to respond to beauty and truth, and +to repel what is false and ugly. This is the practical education, +because it bears upon both happiness and character. It is practical as +it makes the most of life not only for the woman herself, but for those +about her. Bear in mind always that we have supposed her to have a high +character and a perfectly trained will. Such reading will develop her +judgment as to what is right. + +But some women like to read too well. Their will is not perfectly +trained, and they would rather think out a domestic problem than act it +out. The education of books alone is so one-sided that we cannot +consider it practical; it must be supplemented by cooking and sewing. + +At our present stage of progress cooking is more important than sewing. +Sewing can be more easily put out of the house than cooking; and in any +emergency sewing may be neglected from week to week without serious +consequences, while cooking must go on every day. Moreover, cooking is +by far the more healthful occupation, and one of the aims of a practical +education is to make healthy women. + +I do not glorify cooking. I do not think a good cook is the highest type +of woman. I do not even think it is the duty of every woman to cook. But +cooking is certainly practical, ninety-nine women in a hundred have +occasion some time in their lives for this accomplishment, and if they +are married it is nearly indispensable for them to have a knowledge of +it for the comfort of their families. + +Few women are born to be cooks, but most intelligent women can learn to +cook. It saves immense labor, however, if as girls they learn the art. +It is singular that so many who fancy they want to be chemists hate the +idea of going into their own kitchens to work. It is possibly because +they cannot choose their own hours for cooking. Cooking certainly +develops the mind as much as chemical experiments, and at the end of the +process you have something of direct service to mankind, which may or +may not be the case with work done in the laboratory. + +Cooking, sewing, and housekeeping are essential for any woman, married +or unmarried, who wishes to make a home, and a home is the practical +goal of the majority of women. A woman who is neat and intelligent +generally proves to be a good housekeeper without special instruction; +but with cooking and sewing, "Who wishes to be a master must begin +betimes." + +Arithmetic is a science which a girl needs to understand thoroughly--not +necessarily business arithmetic, which she can learn if occasion +requires, but the principles of arithmetic, and she should be able to +work in numbers quickly and accurately. + +The tide of opinion is against me here. A boy must know arithmetic of +course, or how can he fulfill his destiny and make money? But a girl! +Nevertheless, no woman can manage a household properly, or even guide +her own affairs as a single woman, without a good knowledge of +arithmetic. Her money will be wasted, her servants will cheat her, +tradespeople will be demoralized by her. There may be so much money at +her command that she goes on serenely unaware of harm. She may perform +feats of charity, but what was meant to be a blessing becomes a curse +through her ignorance. + +A millionaire who meant to give his daughter every advantage began as +usual with a French nurse and a German maid and a music master who could +command a fabulous price, while he engaged an artist of distinction to +oversee her untidy attempts at drawing. At last he remembered that she +ought to have a teacher in English, and a lady was engaged to teach +grammar and literature and history. "And arithmetic?" she asked. "A +little, perhaps. Girls need very little." + +The millionaire's daughter came to take her lesson--a bright, handsome +girl, full of good nature. "I hate arithmetic, you know," she said +confidingly, shrugging her shoulders and puckering her brows. "And then, +what's the good of it for a girl?" + +The teacher did not argue the question, but began her task. "If thirteen +yards of ribbon cost $3.25, how much will one yard cost?" As doing this +problem in her mind was quite out of Miss Malvina's power, she was +allowed paper and pencil. She wrinkled her forehead, curled her lip, +looked up and laughed, "I haven't the faintest idea, don't you know?" A +few judicious questions led her to see the necessity of dividing $3.25 +by 13, and she went to work. After a season of struggle her countenance +cleared. "Upon my word, I've got the answer--25!" "Twenty-five what?" +"Twenty-five--why--twenty-five dollars!" "Wouldn't that be rather high +for ribbon?" asked the teacher. "Oh, I don't know," replied Miss +Malvina carelessly. "I'll tell you," she added triumphantly; "I should +tell them to give me the best, and I suppose they would know what I +ought to pay." This is hardly an extreme case. In the public schools the +girls still learn arithmetic,--perhaps they spend too much strength upon +it for the practical mastery they get; but in private schools the best +of teachers find it almost impossible to give girls a working knowledge +of the subject, because the tide of feeling is so strong against it. + +By and by Miss Malvina's father found himself having trouble with his +workmen. There were strikes. The family received threatening letters. +Malvina's rosy cheeks grew pale. "I don't know what they want," she said +forlornly. "They say we are all so extravagant. I don't know what +difference that makes to them if we pay for what we buy. We never hurt +them. I wish we were not rich at all. It would be much nicer to be poor. +I should like to be a--what is it?--a commoner--or a communist or +something. Then nobody would be envious." + +Now there was not a more generous girl in the world than Malvina. If she +had been afloat on a raft after a shipwreck she would have been the one +to give up her last ration of water to any one who needed it more. She +was ready to pour out money in any case of distress, but she had no +idea of its value, and none of her charities prospered, except so far +as her rosy, good-natured face could be seen, for that, to be sure, did +good like a medicine. + +And she was not a stupid girl, though certainly not brilliant in +mathematics. If she had been taught that arithmetic is positively needed +by every girl, rich or poor, she could have learned all she needed to +know of figures to make her life a blessing to hundreds of people whom +she only injured for lack of such knowledge. + +A vast amount of the daily comfort of people of narrow means depends on +the understanding the mother of a family has of accounts, so that the +real needs and pleasures may be provided for without the contraction of +debt. In a rich family the burden of the mother's incapacity for figures +does not fall directly on those dearest to her, but it has unconsciously +a far greater weight in the world at large, and is one of the chief +among the unrecognized elements causing the increasing bitterness +between the rich and the poor. + +Let every girl, rich or poor, be required to keep her own accounts +accurately from the time she is old enough to have an allowance of even +ten cents a month, and there would be a perceptible amelioration in some +of the hardest of present conditions. + +I believe that some music should be included in a practical +education,--certainly if a girl has a taste for it. The ability to sing +hymns and ballads, and to play accompaniments well, adds so much to the +happiness of a woman herself, and usually to that of her family, that it +ought to be considered as something more than an accomplishment. I +should not wish to be understood as limiting a musical education to +these requirements. I should like to have every girl carry her education +as far as she can without neglecting duties she feels more important. +Even when she has no musical talent, but merely a love for music, though +she cannot give much pleasure to others, I think she may get an +elevation of mind from stumbling through Beethoven and Wagner which is +worth the time she spends. Still, I think singing is of more practical +use than instrumental music, and the power to play simple things well +which is so rare is in most cases more to the purpose than to stumble +through Beethoven and Wagner. + +Drawing is practical as it trains the eye and hand, but unpractical if +it leads a girl to think her commonplace pictures are works of art. It +seems to me that a good way for girls to study art is for them to look +at good pictures with older people who have taste and judgment, because +this gives them new resources of enjoyment. Of course when a girl has +special talent she needs the training which will give her the power to +produce, but this chapter is devoted to the general education of girls. + +Every girl should study at least one science. Science trains the mind in +a different way from other studies. And one science sheds light on all +the rest. Then, anything which puts cheap pleasures within our reach is +a safeguard and a blessing. The happiness of life is no light thing, and +those who have tested it know how much simple happiness comes from the +pursuit of botany or ornithology or mineralogy. + +It would be a great thing if every woman could be so well educated that +she could teach her own children, at least the main branches, up to the +time when they are twelve years old. This is by no means saying that it +is not well for many children to be sent to school, but it is calling +attention to a great privilege which some mothers and some children may +enjoy. What ought a woman to be able to teach her children? To read, in +the broad sense, to write a legible hand, and to speak correctly. She +ought to be able to teach them arithmetic, and also the rudiments of one +science, to give them in early life the right outlook upon the world +around them. She ought particularly to be able to give them fine +manners, but these belong to the moral training which was spoken of at +the beginning of the chapter. They do bear, however, on that part of the +social life which may not be distinctly moral, but which is of high +practical importance to one's success in life, as well as to one's +happiness. Many of the noblest women are shy and awkward except with +their special friends, and so are unfitted for practical life. Mothers +should remember this and make a determined effort to give children the +practice of meeting many people, though, of course, the kind of people +and the conditions under which they are to be met require careful +consideration. + +As for the entirely moral qualities which contribute most to what is +usually called success in the world, they are probably courage, good +temper, thoughtfulness for others, perseverance, and trustworthiness. + +And all this time I have said nothing of any use to be made of education +in earning a living. Yet is not that just what our education must do if +it is to be practical? I do not ignore this, and shall have more to say +of self-support elsewhere. But on the principle that we eat to live +rather than live to eat, I think even from a practical standpoint the +full development of a woman is of more consequence than the amount of +money she can earn. As far as the mere living goes, a practical woman +can live better on a little money than an unpractical one on much. When +her practicality comes from the high quality of her character, she will +lead the best possible life whether she be rich or poor, and I believe +the kind of culture I have outlined in this chapter will do something to +add happiness to goodness and usefulness. + + + + +IV. + +SELF-SUPPORT.--SHALL GIRLS SUPPORT THEMSELVES? + + +I Once knew an agreeable girl whose great failing was her self-conceit. +She was sure she could do everything anybody could do. As she did not +look down on other people's efforts, she was amusing rather than +annoying. She was always ready to write a poem, or sing a song, or paint +a picture, and as she was a society girl and lived in a grand house, her +little doings were often favorably mentioned in the local papers, so she +may be pardoned for believing she had a variety of talents, though +nobody who read her poems or heard her songs agreed with her. + +Then came a crisis in her affairs. She was thrown on her resources +without a moment's warning. She had to earn her living or starve. She +had plenty of energy, and was willing to work. She took a rapid review +of her powers. Then the scales fell from her eyes. She felt very +doubtful if there was one among her accomplishments which would furnish +bread for her. She would have said that all her conceit was gone. But +it was not so. As her need was so urgent, she tried to find work first +in one way and then in another. She was prepared to have the editors +reject her manuscripts, and she was not surprised that she could not +sell her pictures; but it was amazing to be told that her grammar and +spelling were faulty, and it was hard to see the amusement in the faces +of the art-dealers when they regarded her most cherished paintings. + +No woman can earn a living without some mortifying experiences, but the +more conceited she is the more such experiences she meets, because she +is inclined to attempt things preposterously beyond her. So this poor +girl who had always held her head high was snubbed by everybody; she was +told the truth with brutal frankness, and in time she learned her +lesson. She was not a dull girl nor a weak girl. There was one thing she +could do well at the outset, though she had so little discrimination in +regard to herself that it did not occur to her that this would be her +lever for moving the world. She was a beautiful housekeeper. + +She remembered this finally and acted accordingly. I cannot say that she +enjoyed her experience with a series of widowers, but she did her work +well and was paid for it. She also had a talent--strange to say it was +for drawing. She did not realize this either, for she could not +discriminate enough to see that her amateur work as an artist was at all +different from her amateur singing and playing. At first she had +thought she could do everything well, and then she thought she could do +nothing well. But by slow degrees, and through much tribulation, she +began to set her faculties in order, and when she found her germ of a +talent she cultivated it. Ten years later she was able to support +herself as an engraver. + +By this time her one fault had vanished. She was simple and modest and +self-respecting, while she retained the courage and cheerfulness which +had made her attractive as a girl. "If you wish to cure a girl of +conceit," she once said to a friend, "let her try to earn her living. As +long as she does not ask to be paid, everybody will praise her work, but +let her offer to sell her services and then see!" + +I have not told this story to discourage girls who wish to be +independent, but to show them the difficulties in their way. There is no +doubt that every girl should be able to support herself. This very case +makes it clear. But it does not seem to me equally clear that every girl +should support herself, and certainly, if she does, it requires great +judgment to select the way. + +Fifty years ago women were very dependent, but now many avenues are open +to them, and perhaps they have been urged almost too much to earn their +own living. I will therefore speak of some circumstances in which it +seems to me a girl is to be excused from that. + +1. If she is rich, I think there are two objections to her earning +money. One is trite and has been often answered. She should not take the +bread out of the mouths of those who need it. I do not think this a very +strong objection, because every one who works and produces anything adds +to the wealth of the world, and sets others free to work for new ends. +But one can do good service, without working for money, and, in point of +fact, a woman who chooses any of the common ways of earning money +usually does shut out some one else. + +To illustrate: I knew two school-girls who were classmates, both +excellent girls. Martha was the best scholar in school. Lucy was rather +dull, though not conspicuously so. Martha wished to teach, as her mother +was a widow and poor. She applied for a situation in a neighboring town, +but was told that some one had been before her, and though the matter +was not then decided, the school was at last given to the first-comer, +who proved to be Lucy. Lucy's father was a well-to-do merchant whose +name was known to the committee, and this settled the question. Lucy +herself was quite innocent. She had no wish to interfere with Martha. +Nor had she any special wish to teach. But she wanted a new silk dress, +and she thought she should like to earn it. Her friends said she showed +the right spirit and encouraged her. Martha and her mother suffered the +most pinching poverty while Lucy was earning her dress, and when Martha +at last found a place she proved to be a wonderful teacher, while Lucy +was a commonplace one. It might, of course, have been the other way. If +Lucy had been the gifted girl, then she certainly ought to have used her +gifts, but not necessarily for money. + +This is one of many instances which lead me to think that if girls who +are rich try to earn money they crowd out those who are poorer. They do, +however, gain some things so valuable as almost to offset this +objection; for instance, they are cured of conceit. I shall return to +this subject. + +The other objection to the earning of money by the rich is, that there +is so much work to be done in the world which cannot in the nature of +things be done by those who have to earn their living, that the rich +cannot be spared for ordinary occupations. I shall give a special +chapter to the work of the leisure classes. + +2. There are many families of moderate means where one daughter, at +least, can be supported at home without great sacrifices on the part of +any one. This is true of almost every family where a servant is kept, +for a mother and daughter together can usually do the work of a family +more quickly and better than the mother and a servant. Now, if a girl +has domestic tastes and is willing to work at home, it seems to me +better for her to stay there, even with very little money, than to try +to make herself independent elsewhere. If her tastes are not domestic, +it changes the case entirely. Then let her go out and use the powers +which have been given her. + +3. A girl is sometimes needed at home by an invalid father or mother, or +she can help the children or make them happy. No general rule can be +laid down, because no two cases are alike, but it is often true that a +girl ought to give up not only earning money, but even using some of her +powers, for the sake of doing still better work at home. And there are +multitudes of instances in which she should not be urged to leave home +unless she wishes it. + +Practically a home life is a good preparation for marriage, which will +be the lot of most girls. But though it is a good preparation, it is not +the best. Every girl needs a broader outlook on life than she can get in +her own home. If she is rich she can choose her way of getting it, by +travel, or in charities, or even through society. But the best knowledge +of the world is gained through the attempt to support herself. If her +occupation takes her into new sections of country, it also develops her +just as travel might do. + +I am inclined to think that the ideal preparation for marriage would +demand half a dozen years between school and the wedding-day, divided +into three parts, given in order to a home life, to self-support, and to +travel. + +It is often said that a girl ought actually to support herself before +she can be fitted to do so in case of an emergency. I remember the +daughter of a wealthy man who went into a counting-room and worked +several years for this reason. Her father said that as soon as she could +live on the income she earned he thought the experiment would have +succeeded and she might return home. At first it seemed as if it never +would succeed. She was a good accountant and earned a fair salary. But +she had been accustomed to spend more than most girls can earn, and she +was loth to reduce her expenses just when she was working for money. By +the end of the second year, however, she began to be tired of her work, +so she rigorously kept within her salary for the third year, and then +retired. Her experiment had been infinitely easier than if she had been +obliged to make it without having other resources, but she had learned +valuable lessons. + +It seems to me that if a girl who need not work for money does so she +will do well to live on what she earns, at least for a time. To earn an +extra silk dress does not seem an adequate object. I think if our +accountant had gone on many years as she began she would not only have +taken the place needed by some one else, but she would have made other +accountants discontented because they could not dress as she did. She +would have raised the standard of luxury among them without adding +anything to their power to reach it. + +I knew a young lady with a narrow income who for that reason chose to +teach in a large school where several other teachers were employed at +the same salary, namely, six hundred dollars. Everybody praised her +judgment and taste, for she appeared to be able to do so much more than +the rest with her money. Everybody said that six hundred dollars was a +fine salary for anybody who had the wit to use it. Some thought a +general reduction of salaries would not be amiss. Nobody knew of her +reserve. The other teachers tried their best to do as well, but they +grew discouraged and envious. Of course she was not to blame, but I +think that in general the common welfare is best served when the +wage-workers live on what they earn, at least while they are earning it. +The surplus can be laid aside for the time when they are at leisure. + + +But although I do not think that all girls should be urged to support +themselves, the majority must do so, or they will burden others. There +is also a large class of women who do not absolutely need to earn money, +who nevertheless will be better and happier to do so. Independence is +very sweet, and even if for love's sake a woman chooses to give it up, +it is more inspiring to make a deliberate sacrifice of it than to be +dependent because she must be. All homes are not happy, even where the +members of the family love each other and have a general purpose to do +right. Perhaps it may be said that few young people are satisfied +thoroughly with their homes. Would it not mean the destruction of the +ideal if they were? It would be terrible to them to have the home broken +up, and they do love their parents, but they think they could manage +better, and may be right in thinking so. + +Now, if a girl at home has this feeling of unrest, she may be too ready +to marry the first suitor, because she thinks more about the ideal home +she can make than about the husband. If, on the contrary, she goes away +and earns her living, she will look around her with less prejudiced +eyes. If her home is really unhappy, she will be free from it. If its +troubles are merely superficial, she will find this out as soon as she +compares it with other homes. If she has not been willing to meet her +share of trial and responsibility, she will now find that a change of +place has not set her free, for the trouble was in herself. When she +does go back to her home it will be with very different appreciation of +it. + +When a girl has become a woman her instinct leads her to long to be at +the head of her own home, whether she is married or unmarried. To be +absolute mistress even of one room in a lodging-house at the end of a +day's labor is often better to her than to be at the call of everybody +in her father's beautiful home where she is supposed to be at leisure +all day. And this is right. If a girl has been badly trained, how can +she help thinking she may do better than her mother does? If she has +been well trained, she ought to be able to do better than her mother, +for every generation begins at a higher point than the preceding. She +has much of her mother's experience to help her while she is still fresh +and strong and enthusiastic. There are very few women between the ages +of twenty-five and forty who can be thoroughly contented in any home of +which they are not the mistress, however patiently and nobly they may +conceal their feelings. After forty they are often so tired as to be +glad of any kind of a home. + +Then there are women with special gifts. I am thinking now of one who +had a fortune, and yet chose to do the hard work of a physician. She had +the aptitude for the work and the means for thorough study. She was +among the most skillful physicians of her native city. She saved many +lives, and relieved much suffering. She gave her priceless services to +hundreds of poor people, but she did not give to those who could pay for +them. I think she was altogether right. The world was better because she +used her gift, and she was happier, as all are who exercise their +powers. + +Perhaps she blocked the way of less fortunate physicians. But this was +because she gave a better gift than they could give. Certainly she had +a right to give it even to the rich whose money could only buy a part of +it. If she had served the rich without taking their money, she would not +only have sapped their self-respect, but she would have been a more +formidable obstacle in the way of poorer physicians. She would have been +offering a premium in money to those who employed her, whereas the only +premium she had a right to offer was her superior skill. It was because +she could give priceless services that she had so clear a right to fix a +price which she did not need. + +Suppose another woman her equal by nature, but who had not had the means +for so complete an education, was set aside because she could not +compete with one who had both the nature and the education,--even then +the case would not be altered, for still the richer woman had a higher +gift to give than the poorer one. It would be a bitter trial to the +poorer woman to be met only by philosophy and religion; but if she were +a just woman, she could not say that her rich rival had not done right. + +When a beautiful young society woman of Boston consents to play at a +concert every one feels it to be right, because few people can play so +exquisitely. When she gives her services for some charity there is an +especial fitness in it, since those who go to hear her wish to pay the +high prices for the rare treat, and would still wish to do so if she +were to keep the money for herself. But if she plays at a symphony +concert, she certainly has a right to be paid as others are. That is a +matter of self-respect. Why should she compete with other musicians on +any unnatural basis? + +These instances will show what I mean by saying that a rich woman who +has a great gift has a right to use it in earning money, when if the +gift were smaller she might not be justified. + +There are some qualities which are gained by self-support better than in +any other way. By receiving money in return for service, we learn what +our service is worth to others. We learn what we can do and what we +cannot do. We exchange self-conceit for self-respect. With a true +estimate of ourselves we learn how to estimate others more correctly. We +learn the real needs of the world and the way to meet them. In a word, +we learn justice. + +It is generally supposed that the qualities in which men are superior to +women are justice and courage. Courage, too, is cultivated by +self-support. A woman who daily faces the outside world may not be +braver than one who faces the little world at home, but she probably +will be. At the last moment the woman at home may sometimes shirk a task +which seems formidable to her, though she may be ashamed of her +cowardice; but a woman who has agreed to do a certain thing for a +certain sum of money cannot shirk, however frightened she may be, and by +degrees she learns to subdue her terror and go cheerfully and calmly to +her work. + +Furthermore, a woman who earns her money generally spends it more wisely +than when it is given to her. She may not be as economical in all ways +perhaps; but if she chooses to spend three dollars for a Wagner opera +ticket when she has a shabby bonnet, because she loves music, she may be +putting the true emphasis on her purchase, which she might not dare to +do if some one else supplied the money. + +On the whole, I am inclined to think that most unmarried women, as well +as many who are married, should support themselves. Where the necessity +exists, it is base to shrink from doing one's part. When others of the +family must endure privation to keep her at home, it is seldom that home +is a girl's place. But I would not have a girl too eager to support +herself. And I would not have her urged unless there is necessity. Above +all, I would guard her from illusions. + +It is not easy to earn one's living. It is true there are some +delightful modes of making money open to the fortunate few. But if one +earns all one spends,--which is the meaning of earning a living,--there +will always be hardships to meet. It is not best to anticipate trouble, +but it is cruel to let any girl try to make her way in the world with +the fancy that it will be easy. Yet most must make their own way, and +perhaps most of these have a fair share of happiness, for there are +compensations in all work done in the right spirit. + + + + +V. + +SELF-SUPPORT--HOW SHALL GIRLS SUPPORT THEMSELVES? + + +And now how shall a girl choose her occupation? And how shall she be +fitted for it? + +If she has a superb voice she may sing. If she has undoubted genius in +any direction her decision is easy, whatever difficulty there may be in +getting her education. Most people, however, have not genius. They can +do some things better than others, and it is of great importance to +their success and happiness that they should be able to use their +natural powers to the best advantage. Still their gifts are not great +enough to be perfectly clear at sight. It is only by careful cultivation +that they become really available, and if a mistake is made in the line +of one's education it is hard to repair it. + +I think the course I have already described as practical for girls +should be the foundation for the education of all girls, save in a few +exceptional cases. If, in the end, a girl marries, her reading and +cooking and housekeeping are all necessary. How can she use these homely +accomplishments in earning a living? + +They will not, to be sure, bring her a large income, but there is a +steadier demand for good work in these directions than in any others. So +a woman who has them is almost sure of a modest support. She need not go +out to service to be a cook. Who has seen the dignified and refined Mrs. +Lincoln giving lessons at the cooking-school without realizing that +cooking may be a fine art, or who has read the cook-book of Mrs. +Richards without perceiving that cooking may be an intellectual pursuit? + +But these women are exceptions. I will take a humbler example. I knew at +school a stylish, energetic girl who was too dull to learn her lessons, +but who had the air of polish which comes from association with educated +people. Half a dozen years later she found herself obliged to earn her +living. She had a little money, and she risked it in leasing a good +house on a good city street which she filled with boarders. She worked +very hard, and she had much to discourage and disgust her. But she knew +how such a house ought to be kept, and she had the determination to keep +it in that way. It will be seen that she was a rare landlady. Some +landladies do not know how a house ought to be kept, and some have no +clear purpose of keeping it as it ought to be kept when they do know the +way. Therefore she had great success. There were always two applicants +for every vacant room. Higher and higher prices were offered her. At +last she bought her house. Then she laid aside money. By and by she had +a comfortable fortune. She might then have retired from business, but +she chose to go on. During the first five years of her career her +experience had been so bitter that only necessity kept her at her post. +But now she had learned how to meet her difficulties, and it was a real +pleasure to her to see how well she could do her work. It was the work +she was born to do, as certainly as Raphael was born to paint pictures. + +Few women are so successful; but at the present stage of the world I +think it is true that no woman who thoroughly understands cooking and +housekeeping need fear that she cannot support herself if she must. I +knew a lady who excelled in these arts who was able to help her husband +in establishing a school. He was a fine teacher, but too individual to +work well in most schools. She took a dozen young people into the house +and gave them a delightful home. Her husband earned the living of the +family, and a very good living, too. She did little work with her hands, +and an assistant teacher was employed to care for the pupils out of +school. The housekeeping took but little time, and the lady was +apparently almost as free as when her husband had been struggling along +in a high school. But she understood so well what was needed that a word +here and a look there kept all things smooth, and her husband who had +seemed on the brink of ruin came out a successful man. + +But all who can manage their own homes cannot manage those of others, +even if they are willing to do so. Suppose with all her practical +education our girl never shines as a cook or a housekeeper! I have +suggested that she should be so thoroughly grounded in primary school +work that she could teach her own children till they are twelve years +old. Then, if she has the natural power to discipline, she can, if need +be, teach a primary school. Now the number of primary schools to be +taught is vastly greater than in any other grade, because all pupils +must begin at the foot of the ladder, though most of them do not climb +to the top. And it is doubtful whether competition among teachers of +primary grades is proportionately great. I have heard of a leading +normal school principal who decided to train his own daughter for +primary work, because his experience showed him there was always a +demand for such work. He said truly, "There are few schools which will +pay much for unusual learning. Executive ability and tact in imparting +knowledge are most wanted, together, of course, with thorough grounding +in the rudimentary branches." + +His daughter had both taste and talent for higher studies. He wished her +to indulge her taste. "But," he added, "she must buy this higher +knowledge as she would any other luxury, and not delude herself with +the idea that it will make much difference with her power of earning +money. If she earns her living by primary work, which requires little +study out of school, she will have leisure to pursue her own tastes. Of +course she may thus in time be fitted for higher work, and she may +prefer to do it, and may even earn more money by it, but she will then +do the work because it is her natural choice and not for the sake of the +money." So altogether I believe that any girl who has the foundation +education which will fit her for a home life will also be able to earn a +respectable living if the need arises. + +I would not, however, have her stop there. A woman who has to work +wishes to work to the best advantage, both as to the amount of money she +earns, and the quality of the work she does. I believe every girl should +have the simple solid foundation I have indicated, but I also think that +in most cases a superstructure should be reared upon it, and that there +should be almost as many forms of superstructure as there are +individuals. Therefore, in choosing your occupation I will suggest this +rule: Do not despise the lowest drudgery which comes plainly in your +way; but always choose the highest work you are able to do. + +For example, I knew a highly educated young lady who found it necessary +to teach. She hated the work, as many teachers do, and yet she had a +fine, forcible character, so that she did her work well. One day in a +moment of vexation she was heard to exclaim, "I would rather be a waiter +in a restaurant than teach school!" Now it happened that one of her +pupils did become a waiter in the very restaurant which had called out +the remark. And she made an excellent waiter. Her apron was always clean +and her hair was always smooth. She was quick and quiet in filling an +order, and modest and self-possessed and sweet-tempered. She did her +work well and used her leisure well, and she deserved great praise. But +in her case this was the best work open to her. She was a hopelessly +dull scholar, and she was awkward with her needle. Nor did she have the +kind of mind necessary to direct others. She could not have conducted a +boarding-house. She could, however, do her own little bit of work well. +Now what was fine in her would not have been fine in the teacher. To be +sure, it is a pity to teach if one hates it, more of a pity than to do +some mechanical work, because there is danger that the feeling may react +upon the scholars. Still, this woman had the necessary self-control to +do this good work. On the other hand, she was not attracted to any +inferior work for its own sake. She would have made an excellent +duchess. Her talents as well as her tastes fitted her for such a life. +But she had to earn her living, and so far as she or her friends could +see there was no direction in which she could work without finding it +intolerable. And so it seems to me she did right to choose the best work +open to her and do it as well as she could, and I think if she had +forsaken the school-room for the restaurant she would not have done what +was best either for herself or for others. + +I have known an ignorant woman who kept a lodging-house with such +devotion that it was like a work of art. Its purity and freshness, its +warmth and light had a charm beyond that of comfort. Such work is to be +done, and it is not often done well, because the woman who does it is +below rather than above her task. "Let the great soul incarnated in some +woman's form, poor and sad and single, in some Dolly or Joan, go out to +service, and sweep chambers and scour floors, and its effulgent day +beams cannot be muffled or hid, but to sweep and scour will instantly +appear supreme and beautiful actions, the top and radiance of human +life, and all people will get mops and brooms; until lo, suddenly the +great soul has enshrined itself in some other form and done some other +deed, and that is now the flower and head of all living nature." + +The lower work must be done, and often by the highest natures. It must +then be done willingly and with a recognition that it can be made a work +of art. But it should be deliberately chosen only by those to whom it is +the highest work. I have in mind a young man who might have been a +musician, but he would not practice, so he became a shoemaker. He had to +work harder as a shoemaker than he would have done as a musician, but it +was from hand to mouth. He did not have to work steadily towards a +future good. He had no gift but that of music, so that even if he had +been a musician he would have ranked far lower in the scale of manhood +than the shoemakers of the village; but he would have done the best he +could do, while as a shoemaker he was despicable. + +I knew a good teacher, capable of taking responsibility, who hated it so +that she gave up work the moment she had acquired a miserable pittance. +She lived ever after a pinched life, whose chief source of happiness to +herself was the negative satisfaction of escaping responsibility; for +she was too poor to gratify any of her many beautiful tastes. She had +the power to lead a large, full life, but she had not the will and +courage to meet the obstacles in her way. She chose instead to stunt +herself and be a drudge. She swept her poor rooms clean, and she was +willing to sweep them, but I do not think she "swept them as to God's +law," for though she often made them "fine," I do not think she made +"the action fine." + +But such a case is rare. More people choose work too high for them. We +all like to think we have some touch of genius, though we may be +discreet enough not to say so. But few of us have talents at all equal +to our tastes, and we must beware of trying to get our livelihood in the +direction of our tastes rather than of our talents. + +One girl in ten thousand has the voice of a _prima donna_. Ten other +girls in ten thousand have voices so good that they believe them to be +like that of a _prima donna_. The first will succeed beyond her wildest +dreams. She will have fame and fortune. The other ten will have some +success, success which will seem great to the lookers on, but they will +have heart-breaking disappointments within their own breasts. A hundred +girls in the ten thousand have more talent for music than for most other +things, and if they are well educated, they may perhaps make a good +living as teachers, church singers, organists, or accompanists. This is +not what they hoped, but they do the work that belongs to them, and on +the whole may be counted successful. Another hundred like music, and can +learn enough to add to their enjoyment and to that of those about them. +They might even teach music, if the demand for teachers were not already +filled by those who have a greater gift. But now it is clear their bread +must depend on other work for which they have less taste. These are the +"betwixt and between" who are always fighting a battle between taste and +talent. They have a compensation,--they are less one-sidedly developed +than if all their talents were concentrated in one; but they hardly +realize this. + +Now, how is the line to be drawn among the musical? Who are to earn +their living by music and who are to be amateurs? Especially as fifty of +our second hundred can with proper education easily excel fifty of the +first hundred who have less education. Who is to decide whether it is +prudent for a girl to spend all she has on a musical education with the +hope of making herself independent in the end? No one can decide +positively, but at least do not let any girl fancy that she is the one +of ten thousand or even one of the ten. And let her ask for the judgment +of more than one good musician before she is sure she belongs to the +first hundred. If she loves music supremely, it may be worth while for +her to spend everything on her education, even if she finally has to +support herself with her needle, for it will be its own reward, and +having tried to do what she believed to be her best, even her failure +will not be a failure of character. + +If there is any occupation delightful in itself, there will always be +many people who will hope that they have talent enough to make it a +source of livelihood. We all wish to be musicians and artists and poets. +The most bitter disappointments come to those who try these paths and +fail. It has always seemed to me that where bread-winning is a +necessity, we ought first to secure the means of living in some humbler +way, and then there may be a chance to pursue these higher occupations +for their own sake, and not to degrade them by false methods which we +think will bring us money. + +I have heard of a poor girl who had a genius for acting. She went out to +service while she was studying, she learned how to do housework well, +and she had that resource always left to her in case she should fail on +the stage. She succeeded, but she could not have succeeded if she had +insisted on acting at the outset. + +I knew a girl who had ability as a story writer. Two positions were open +to her at the same time, one as a book-keeper, the other as writer for a +certain department in a third-rate magazine. She chose to be a +book-keeper, for she knew that if she took the magazine work she must +write whether in the spirit or not, and that the rank of the magazine +was such that she would have little encouragement to do her best. Of +course, as book-keeper she had very little leisure. Stories germinated +in her brain which she had no time to write; but when she was thoroughly +possessed by a story, she did find time to write it, and her work was +good. She chose to do the second best work for money, so that her best +work might not be degraded by the need of money. + +Few persons have genius enough to undertake any artistic work if they +have a pressing need for the money they are to receive from it. With +ever so small an income from other sources, they may cheerfully try +their best and prove what they can do. But with no income at all, they +will be too greatly tempted to prostitute the talent they have. Yet "if +you cannot paint, you may grind the colors." Occasionally our cravings +for artistic work may partially be gratified by doing lower work in the +same line, and this may sometimes be a foundation for the higher work. + +A young girl had an ardent desire to be an elocutionist. She had a good +voice, a flexible body, and some intelligence. She was willing to spend +every penny on her education. Fortunately she had an unusually fine +teacher, who told her the truth. He said, "You could easily learn the +little tricks of voice and gesture which bring applause from ignorant +people, and make one blush to be called an elocutionist, but you have +not the dramatic sense and can never be a great reader. What you need to +do is to study some literary masterpiece till you thoroughly appreciate +it, and then read it as simply and clearly as possible." + +"But would anybody come to hear me read?" she asked. + +"I am afraid not," he said; "but you could teach reading." + +This had not been her ambition, but she had an earnest character and was +willing to read in the right way. She did take a place in a school and +became a power there. She taught her scholars how to use the breath, to +sit and stand easily and gracefully while reading, to enunciate +clearly, and pronounce correctly. Moreover, she taught them to read +noble poems instead of the flimsy showy jingles which had at first +attracted her. She never made any figure as a public reader, but she did +not regret serving the art she had learned to reverence on a lower +plane. + +But, some one may say, suppose she had not been able to teach! She might +not have understood the art of controlling scholars even if she +understood what to teach them. In that case she might have been a +private reader to some elderly or infirm person. There is a demand for +private readers, but few can fill such a place, though we fancy +everybody can read. Even where there is intelligence so that one is a +pleasant reader, there are few who can manage the voice well enough to +read several hours in succession as is often desired. + +A woman with artistic tastes will probably do better service in studying +ways of making beautiful homes or in lines of decorative work than by +striving to paint great pictures. Let her paint the pictures if she is +moved to do it and has time, and if they turn out to be great pictures +that will be well; but until her greatness has been proved, would it not +be better for her to depend for her support on the less ambitious +departments of her art, especially as a beautifully planned home gives a +higher artistic pleasure than second-rate painting? + +It is strange that so few women are architects. Architecture is the +sublimest of arts, and yet it has room to employ humble talents. A +practical woman with a love of beauty, a mathematical mind, and a +knowledge of mechanical drawing would undoubtedly be a great help to an +architect in planning dwelling-houses. At any rate, as the matter stands +at present, very few interiors are either convenient or beautiful in +proportion to the money spent on them. A woman might not plan a public +building well, but her help is needed in all our homes, and especially +in tenement houses. + +I once knew a woman who was a poet. Her songs were full of beauty and +helpfulness, but poetry is not lucrative. She took a position as teacher +of literature in a girls' school. There never had been such teaching as +hers in the school before. She showed the girls the poetic meaning of +the great writers, and gave them a moral and intellectual impulse which +lasted through life. Sometimes in an hour of inspiration she still wrote +poems. Her teaching was so excellent that she was sought after in other +schools. But she found that when she undertook too much her spirit +flagged. She could still teach, but she could not write. So she went +back to her first plan. Of course it was hard work. The girls were often +dull and unsympathetic. Yet her study of literature helped her in her +own great purpose of life, and the contact with youth was sometimes an +inspiration in itself. Usually, however, teaching is an injury to a +writer, because of the need of constantly adapting one's self to +inferior minds. + +There are few women who can devote themselves to pure literature, and +few of these can earn a living by it; so, delightful as it is, it can +hardly be counted among the bread-winning occupations. But if a woman +thinks she can be satisfied to work regularly on a newspaper or a +magazine she may often earn a large income. If money or fame is her +object she must always sign her own name to everything she writes, as it +takes genius to coerce the public into admiration of anonymous work. + +A great many women have found it well to be teachers, and most of their +work is conscientiously done, though few have the highest ideal so +constantly before them as to find pleasure in the work when their own +faults are of such a nature that success depends on overcoming them. A +firm, quick-witted woman, with sufficient self-reliance to relish +responsibility, is the only one who can be happy in a large school or at +the head of a small one. Now, those are the lucrative positions for +teachers, and, indeed, the positions in which the largest results can be +accomplished, and they ought to be filled by the finest women. But the +finest women must have certain other qualities. They need to be +thoughtful even more than quick witted; they must be able to balance +conflicting interests, and that is hard to reconcile with firmness; and +if they are modest and conscientious they rarely have the self-reliance +which makes responsibility anything but a grievous burden. Yet there are +teachers who have enough of all these contradictory qualities to succeed +in doing the difficult and admirable work if they are only willing to be +unhappy for the sake of doing something noble. + +But some can never be disciplinarians, however determined their +character may be, principally, I think, because the true student must +usually be occupied with a train of thought which cannot be interrupted +from moment to moment to detect the petty tricks of insubordinate +pupils. So if you mean to be a teacher, think first whether you have +quick observation; then, are you firm, and are you willing to give your +whole heart to your work? If you can answer these questions favorably, +you may persevere in your attempt to make your way to the head of a +school, even if your first trial does not succeed. If you have not the +executive ability, then turn all your energy in other directions. There +are positions as assistants in grammar schools where any woman of good +education who is conscientious and persevering may in time work to +advantage, and though such positions are probably more mechanical than +any others, yet they often leave the teacher considerable freedom to +pursue her own tastes outside of school. + +But if you feel that your temperament is essentially that of the +student, so that you could fill the place of assistant in some advanced +school, then give yourself to special studies. I would not say study +history exclusively for ten years, even if you have a taste for history, +because there are few schools where a teacher can be employed for +history alone. But suppose you spent half your time for twenty years on +history, and the other half on literature, languages, etc., you would +probably find some place open to you all the time, and at the end of +twenty years you might be fit for a college position, and much more fit +than if you had narrowed yourself to one study. In most cases the bent +in one direction is not so strong that the student cannot do many things +fairly well. The half dozen best scholars in most secondary schools are +usually the best in mathematics, in the sciences, in literature, and in +language. It is a good plan for such scholars to "level up" in every +direction. Two years' study in each line after leaving school will carry +them beyond the requirements of most schools,--though of course no +teacher can hope to succeed who does not study daily the branches she +teaches, to keep abreast of the times, and to make her teaching +fresh,--and if she is able to teach a variety of subjects she is pretty +sure to find an engagement in some of the many schools where only a few +assistants can be employed. And it is no small additional advantage that +her own mind is more evenly developed than that of a specialist. + +Just now the demand for women to teach the sciences seems to be greater +in proportion to the supply than in any other direction. If a girl has a +natural taste for chemistry, zooelogy, or mineralogy, and cultivates it, +she is very sure to "put money in her purse." But the supply is +increasing, so this state of things may not last long. + +No one thinks sewing an attractive means of livelihood, but where a girl +has a decided taste for the needle there are openings for her gifts. I +know a mother and daughter who support themselves in comfort by +embroidering dresses for the stage, and by giving lessons in the making +of fine laces. And I heard the other day of a farmer's daughter who came +to the city to work as a dressmaker, and who showed such taste and skill +that she soon commanded a salary of two thousand dollars for overseeing +an establishment. It is pleasant to add that she married a rich man of +refined tastes, and that she made a beautiful home for him, a centre for +all lovers of the fine arts. + +A thousand occupations are now open to women. You can be a type-writer, +or a stenographer, or a private secretary, or saleswoman. You can keep a +bakery, or do city shopping for country ladies. But whatever you do, +keep these principles in mind:-- + +1. Do not drift into any work. Circumstances may force you to do +something unsuited to you, and then you must do your best; but where +even a narrow choice is left, try to weigh your own tastes and talents +truly, and choose something to which you are willing to give your +energies, and in which, if you work hard, there is reasonable hope you +will succeed. + +2. Whether you like your work or not, make it something more than a +means of self-support. We all want "a broad margin to our lives," and we +may do our great life-work entirely outside of our work for bread. But +most of us necessarily put so much of our strength as well as our time +into earning our livelihood, that, if we are the women we ought to be, +that too must express our nobleness. We may not like our work, but we +can make it worth doing, even if we never gain a penny from it. Milton +was no doubt sorry to receive only L15 for "Paradise Lost," but we +should all be willing to starve in a garret to do work like that. It +ought to be the same with the humblest occupation. We should like to +earn something by it, but first we wish to have it worth more than +money, and it will be so if we work in the right spirit. + + + + +VI. + +OCCUPATIONS FOR THE RICH. + + +In one of George Eliot's letters she says that her chief hope from the +higher education of women is that they will do much unproductive labor +which at present is either badly done or not done at all. But she +thought it would be unbecoming in her to say much publicly on that +subject, for she could not fail to know that her own genius set her +apart from other women and gave her a definite work to do. + +For those who have simply many good powers without any dominating one +the case is different. The poor must use their gifts to gain bread; but +if they do not make their occupation the medium of higher work, they are +no better than the idle rich. The rich, instead of being excused from +work by circumstances, are the more bound to work, because they can +choose what is best in itself. + +Where a girl has many equal gifts it may be well sometimes to have +several occupations; but it is usually best to choose some one form of +daily employment as the nucleus of her life, and to persevere with that +till she accomplishes something. + +Most girls would choose to devote themselves to some charity. I will +speak of that in another chapter. Here I wish to say something of +occupations which can be followed only by those who are rich enough to +dispose of their own time, and which, though at first they may not seem +to be of much use to others, are indirectly among the most powerful +factors in the progress of the world. + +In New England, at least, girls often stay in school till they are +twenty, and by that time they have learned the elements of chemistry, +physics, botany, zooelogy, physiology, geology, and astronomy. If they +have learned these thoroughly, the variety of studies is an advantage, +as one science throws light on all the rest. Yet of course they have +learned only the rudiments of any of these subjects, and if they try to +carry them all on after leaving school they can hardly do very good work +in any. + +Suppose a girl decides that chemistry is the most fascinating of the +group. Then let her make a special study of that. She will know enough +of the other sciences to use them when she needs their help, or she may +wish to study minerals or plants or animals chemically. If she is rich, +she ought to carry on her study with special teachers till she reaches a +point where she can do original work. Then, let her have her own little +laboratory, and give some hours every day regularly to experiments. +"Original work" sounds terrifying to most girls; they think it requires +genius. It does take genius to gather the results of experiments into +laws. But as I have elsewhere suggested, the experiments must all be +first tried; and many a girl is neat and skillful and accurate enough to +do all the drudgery necessary, leaving the man,--or woman,--of genius +free for the higher work. True, it takes genius to know what experiments +to try. But a girl who has had special teachers is sure to know one +among them who is doing original work, and who wishes the days were +twice as long that he might try more experiments. Let her ask him to +trust some work to her. She may make some discoveries herself, but at +any rate she will do work which is needed. + +I call to mind a case in point. A young lady had a great taste for +drawing, as well as a good scientific mind. She became acquainted with a +physician who was making original studies in the microscopic germs of +disease. They worked side by side. The physician detected the +animalcules and plants and crystals with the microscope, and explained +to her how he wanted them represented. She was intelligent enough to +understand his explanations and skillful enough to make the drawings. +His own drawings were too clumsy to convey his idea, but with her help +his observations were made available for others. + +Suppose a girl enjoys botany. I know a woman who has made lichens the +study of a life-time. This has been a source of high culture as well as +of pleasure to herself, for, as she says, this is the most intellectual +family of plants, and no one can study their structure without being +brought face to face with profound questions. Moreover, this study has +opened her eyes and those of her friends to much beauty; for until we +begin to look at lichens we are often conscious of hardly more than a +dull wall of rock or the dead gray wood of old buildings, when in truth +every inch of their surface is decorated with rich forms and delicate +colors. She won a certain measure of fame by the discovery of a new +lichen, but she did better than that, she made one of the finest +collections in the United States for a local city museum, so that the +fruits of her labor were thus accessible to future lichenists; and she +gave much needed help to geologists in investigating fossil lichens. + +Local collections of any kind are valuable. A young lady who +superintends the making of one in the town or village where she lives +will learn much herself, and she will attract many other young people to +pursue an innocent and healthful pleasure, so becoming a power in the +community. There are few such collections now in existence, and any girl +living in a small place who has a taste for science may act as a +pioneer. She can begin modestly with a single case at her own house, or, +better still, at the public library, and she will be surprised to see +how fast the museum will grow, and how useful and delightful it will +be. + +If a woman likes to experiment with plants, let her study botany at the +Harvard Annex. There she will learn how many questions in vegetable +physiology are awaiting investigation. Darwin studied one twining plant +after another till he discovered the rate of motion for each. Dr. +Goodale tells us how to trace the motion of ordinary growth. But think +of the myriads of plants which have not yet been examined, any one of +which is likely to yield suggestive results. + +If a woman loves flowers and does not care for botany, she has the whole +beautiful domain of horticulture open to her. Naturally she will have a +garden of her own and be connected with some flower mission. But she +might do more. A rich woman in the country who determined to make that +her principal work could easily interest every child in the community in +a garden, and by perseverance she might make the whole village blossom +with new beauty. In the city she might be the means of making the +balconies in whole streets lovely with growth. + +I heard of a young lady not long ago who was raising spiders for the +purpose of studying their habits. If she is in earnest, and has the +intelligence to try experiments, she may some day contribute something +substantial to scientific knowledge. I have heard of another who is +raising snails, and of still another who makes a specialty of +caddis-flies. Most people consider such work innocent and amusing, but +it may easily be made more. Take the question of the antennas of +insects. It took the combined experiments of a German and an American to +discover that the plumed antennae of the male mosquito vibrated +differently to different parts of the female's song, thus representing +an outward ear. Now, of the two hundred thousand known species of +insects, all of which have antennae, probably less than fifty have been +examined with anything like patience. These organs apparently serve in +some cases for touch, and sometimes for smell. It will take years of +study by hundreds of people to make the experiments necessary to decide +on their relations to the senses and the brains of insects. When they +are thoroughly understood, some light may be thrown on our own brain and +senses. + +Who but the rich can have leisure for such important experiments? Yet +any girl with a school knowledge of zooelogy could begin to work with +some common insect, and be all the better for spending several hours +every day in such a pursuit. + +I know a lady devoted to zooelogy who has many opportunities to travel. +She comes home laden with rare specimens which she distributes to all +the people she knows who can appreciate them; and another who has given +several years past to the study of geology. She has now become so +accomplished as to have made an excellent geological map of the town she +lives in. Such a map is greatly needed in any town, but how few are to +be found! + +Another lady who has a taste for mineralogy has unconsciously done good +in her own village by means of it. All the boys and girls in town are +ready to help her and have learned something from her. Her collection is +open to everybody. She has formed a club of ladies for the study of the +science in the winter evenings. There is a higher intellectual and moral +tone in the place because of this new interest. + +Goethe makes one of his heroines a lover of astronomy; he represents her +as living quietly with her telescope, and passing night after night in +close study of the stars. There is something ideally beautiful in his +description of her. + +One of my friends chose to give most of her time to music. Without being +a genius, she played remarkably well, and she made her work available +for others by playing the organ in a church which was rich, in +everything but money. I knew another fine pianist who gave lessons to +children who could not otherwise have had them. In both these cases the +ladies were as much bound by their self-imposed tasks as if they had +been earning their living, and their characters received almost as +great benefit; but it would not have been well that they should be paid +for their work. Why should they compete with those who needed the money? + +Harriet Martineau was not rich, but when she settled down in her own +little country-house she had a competence. She made her study useful to +the people around her, as well as to the world. She was skilled in +political economy, and she took pains to present its knotty problems in +a clear and simple form to the untrained minds of her poor neighbors. + +All women are not born to lecture even in this small way. But the study +of history, and still more of philosophy, does something more than to +broaden the mind of the student. A woman with a clear mind looks at +every subject more wisely than if she were half educated. Her judgment +has weight with every one she comes into contact with; but however +little her influence may be, it is likely to be on the right side. What +we are is so much more than what we do! Girls who are longing to do some +great thing are impatient when they are told this. It is so much easier +to measure what we do than what we are. I know a girl with a fine +intellect who loves to study, but who cannot quite give herself up to +study because she is haunted by the feeling that in this way she is +concentrating her life on herself. It is true there are learned women +who are very selfish, but it is not true that their learning makes them +so, certainly it is not, if they think and judge as well as learn. This +girl believes she ought to visit the poor, and some time she may do some +good in that way; but her natural aptitude is in another direction. If +she ever succeeds in so disciplining her intellect that she has just +views of life, she will have it in her power to exert a wide influence. +If she could, for instance, convince her imperious father and brothers +that there was something to be said on the side of their striking +workmen, she would indirectly do the poor more good than she could ever +do directly. Perhaps she could convince them. One reason that her father +is so eager to grind men down is because her mother is frivolous and +extravagant. + +I call to mind a girl who has been studying art abroad for some years. +She has talent enough to earn her living by her work, if that were +necessary. As it is not, she has chosen to do a fine thing. She has made +copies of many of the great paintings of the world, and she has given +these to the quiet boarding-school where she was educated. The copies +are good enough to be a factor in the education of the girls who have +not yet seen the originals. She has also used her skill and taste in +selecting almost a thousand unmounted photographs from the great masters +for the same school. These she has arranged herself, mounting them and +writing out plainly on each card the name of the picture with that of +the artist and a few words referring to the time and place of the +painting. As arranged, these photographs form an illustrated history of +art. + +Another girl perhaps chooses to study languages. When this leads to the +foreign literatures, it is one of the highest intellectual occupations +possible. But there are ways of making languages outwardly available. I +remember a friend at a custom-house who successively helped three +steerage passengers out of unknown troubles by speaking French, German, +and Italian with them, and interpreting to the officers, one of whom at +last turned with a laugh, saying, "I wonder if there are not any Chinese +about. This lady would be sure to help them." + +Translation, as everybody knows, does not pay. A few very famous books +are brought out by the half dozen leading translators, and all others +must either lie unread or be translated by those who do not need any +money for their work. Yet there are books which ought to be translated, +though they will not pay. And how rare it is to translate well! Even +rarer than to write English well. If a woman is aware that she has grace +in expressing herself, and a delicate perception of the meaning of +words, and the power to comprehend the thought of a writer, then can she +do better with time and money than to perfect her knowledge of a +language so that she can make a good translation of some fine book which +would otherwise be neglected? If she should also have some poetic gift, +she might even translate poems which ought to be known. Probably no poem +was ever poetically translated for money. + + +There is another occupation for rich women more exclusively womanly--the +care of children. I remember a rich mother who did this work well. She +had a nurse, indeed, to relieve her of some of the drudgery, though she +did not shrink from this, too, when it was needed; but the greater part +of the day was passed with her children. She knew what words they heard +and what actions they saw. She identified herself thoroughly with them. +I will not say that she knew all their thoughts, but I think she knew +all they were willing to express to any one. She entered into their +games and taught them to play. But though she was so much with them she +did not let them feel that she had no other uses for her time. She read +or wrote or sewed at one end of the long nursery, while they played at +the other. She tried to develop their independence, and she trusted them +little by little, more and more, as she saw they had strength to take +care of themselves. She studied their characters, and gave much thought +to the way to correct their faults. Sometimes a single word of reproof +or command was the result of hours of thought, but they could not know +that. At last they seemed to be thoroughly self-governing. They did the +right thing instinctively, whether she was there to see them or not. If +they were in doubt they came of their own accord to ask her advice, not +requiring her command. + +By degrees she separated herself from them for most of the day simply to +teach them self-reliance, not because she was tired of her task. The +hours of separation were still given to them. She thought of them and +studied for them, and planned ways of making herself most charming to +them when they were together again. In the end they were free strong men +and women, able to stand alone, and yet enthusiastically attached to +their mother, so that every pleasure was the dearer if she shared it. + +If a woman has no children of her own, it often happens that she may do +this good work for her little brothers and sisters, or for her nieces +and nephews. Or, if there is no one among her kindred who needs her +care, there are always the orphan children. + +If a woman of wealth and leisure adopts a child the experiment usually +fails. I have often wondered why, and I think I can see the reason. A +rich and cultivated woman who has also the large heart which leads her +to take a child belongs to the very highest development of the race. +The destitute waif is often from the dregs of the people. The distance +between them is too wide for sympathy. She trains this child as she +would train her own, and the child feels oppressed. Its faults are so +different from those of her own childhood, that she is overwhelmed by +them and quite at a loss how to meet them. And yet, it would be a pity +for her to repress the generous wish to help a child. I think such a +woman may sometimes find the child of educated parents, perhaps from +among her own circle of friends whom she can naturally help; and if she +will take two children instead of one, her task will be lightened for +they will help each other. + +But if she finds it best to adopt one of the lowest class, she may still +succeed by remembering several things. 1. It is too much to expect to +train such a child to be a real companion, though in some rare cases +this may follow. Her main effort should be to awaken and guide the moral +nature, and to do this she must learn to look at the child from another +standpoint than her own prejudices. 2. She must give the child an +abundance of simple physical pleasures, and, if possible, companions of +about its own intellectual grade. 3. She must enter heartily into all +the child does, and endeavor to understand the workings of its mind. + +Many young women who would hesitate to take the whole responsibility of +one child may find useful and pleasant employment for themselves by +teaching a class of children of the poor. They can teach them to sew or +to read, they can provide simple pleasures for them, and supplement the +work of the public schools in a hundred ways necessary in cases where +there is no adequate home life. + +There is another great work to be done by rich women--that of giving a +higher tone to society. I knew a delicate woman who went to live in a +large and rapidly growing Western city. On account of her wealth and +connections all the leading people in the place called upon her at once, +and her house became a centre of society. She used her good taste in +making her home really beautiful--not showy or fashionable. Then she +opened it freely to congenial friends. Some of her visitors were society +people, but many were not. There were thoughtful teachers, clever young +collegians who had gone West to seek a fortune and had found drudgery +awaiting them instead, half a dozen unknown musicians and artists, and a +few educated Germans and Swedes whom fate had stranded far from home. +These people were welcome every day and at all hours. For this lady, who +had intellectual tastes, had been forced by the weakness of her eyes to +get her education from people rather than from books. So a perpetual +_salon_ was a pleasant thing to her. All who were invited to her home +had some moral or intellectual gift which made their company desirable, +not only to the hostess but to the other guests. The rich and poor met +together there, but not the cultivated rich and the uncultivated poor, +or the uncultivated rich and the cultivated poor. Consequently, the +conversation was real. A young professor would come in with the +"Atlantic Monthly," begging leave to read an article to her, and the +reading would begin without any superfluous remarks about the weather. +Others would come in, but the reading would go on and the discussion it +suggested. An artist would bring a new picture, and the conversation +would turn in a new direction. A musician would sing an air, and a quiet +German would be led to speak of his life in the Fatherland. + +But with all her leisure, my friend found it a burden to keep up the +round of merely formal calls required of her. She did not wish to hurt +the feelings of any one, so she persevered for a while. She set apart +one day in a fortnight for a reception day. (You may be sure none of her +bright and interesting friends came then.) And once a fortnight she took +her card-case in hand and drove rapidly about the city, returning calls. +But she seldom called formally on anybody who had once been asked to her +_salon_. These were the people, she said to herself, who could +_understand_. + +Her delicate health excused her from giving parties. Coffee and cakes +were always at hand for refreshment, and any caller was welcomed to +lunch or dinner if he happened to be at the house when the bell rang. +The dinners were always good, but no change was made for a visitor. She +always refused to go to parties or receptions, which she thought +insufferable except when there was dancing. But she could not escape the +burden of party calls. The difficulty in carrying out her plans was that +there was no definite line between her sheep and goats. There were some +with whom she had to be both formal and informal, and she knew it could +not be right for her to drop totally everybody whom she did not fancy. +Many other women had felt the same burdens too heavy to be borne, but +had seen no escape. She suggested a club-house for ladies in some +central part of the city which they all often passed in shopping. It +should be a comfortable resting-place, with restaurant, reading-room, +etc. It should always be open, but one afternoon in the week should be +considered a special reception day. That would give ladies a chance to +see each other with very little trouble. When a stranger came into town, +if it was thought she would be a congenial acquaintance, two members +were to call upon her and invite her to the club, and see that she was +properly introduced. Then she was considered one of their number, and +was free from the bondage of calls ever after. There were many other +regulations emancipating the members from the tyranny of unsocial +society. Of course many ladies objected to all this. Their idea of +society was the conventional one, and they continued to live on that +basis. Most of them were welcomed at the club, but its members did not +call upon them, or go to their parties, or give them parties in return, +always excepting parties with an object like music and dancing. Parties +had given place to informal gatherings like my friend's _salon_, where +something real could be said. + +Now in an old city such a change could not be brought about so quickly. +It could only be made by a large number of leaders of society joining to +make it. No stranger nor young person could do much except to make her +own part of any conversation as worthy as possible. But the mothers can +lead the daughters, and the daughters, starting from a higher point, can +go on in the same way. + +These are some of the many unproductive occupations in which rich women +may use their time well, without finding it necessary to compete with +their poorer sisters in earning money. + + + + +VII. + +CULTURE. + + +"Culture comes from the constant choice of the best within our reach. It +belongs to character more than to acquirements, though a person of +culture usually has certain acquirements, for these are generally within +the reach of all those who earnestly wish for the best things." + +A woman, for instance, may be a cultivated musician, and have a weak +character in some directions; but just so far as her music is of high +quality she must have chosen the best. She must have been patient and +energetic, and she must have been willing to practice fine music. I knew +a girl so brilliant that she was able to play a Beethoven sonata almost +at sight when she had studied music less than a year. But she did not +care for Beethoven. She preferred Offenbach, and she never became a +cultivated musician. + +But though girls are apt to think of culture as something distinct from +character, they do after all acknowledge its moral side, for beautiful +manners are its first test. I see every day a young girl who seems to +have no special gift. Her delicate health has prevented her from +studying much, so although the wealth and position of her family have +made it possible for her to have the best teachers all her life, her +education is not far advanced. With all her piano lessons she will +stumble over the simplest march if any one is listening to her; she +replies to her French teacher in monosyllables; she has read few books: +and as for her arithmetic, children in the primary schools could put her +to shame. Nevertheless, she would everywhere be recognized at once as a +cultivated young lady. The simplicity, gentleness, and sweetness of her +manners, her truthfulness, modesty, and dignity count for far more than +French or music or literature even with those who lay most stress on +accomplishments. Such manners as hers are rare, and yet they are likely +to be found running through whole families. Her mother and her sister, +both of whom are cleverer than she, have almost equally fine manners, +though they miss the last touch of grace. Such manners come from the +choice of generation after generation. One woman after another has +chosen to be sincere, good-tempered, kind, and noble. The women who so +choose also choose the best in other ways. They read good books instead +of bad ones, they prefer a beautiful picture to a showy one, and +Beethoven to Offenbach. You may say that a girl of such a family cannot +help being cultivated: culture is inborn. So it is, because generation +after generation has chosen aright. Her own positive contribution to +the family is that last touch of grace. I think that comes from the fact +that she could not succeed in other directions as her mother and sister +did. The best within _her_ reach was in the direction of manners, though +I think she did not decide that consciously. It was the determination to +meet mortification with heroism, to turn aside from feelings of envy and +wounded vanity, which added the last exquisite charm to her manners. + +That such manners are often found among people of some wealth may, I +think, be accounted for by choice. Though many poor people are not at +all responsible for their poverty, yet when generation after generation +choose the best things, including the best husbands and wives, some of +the sources of poverty are removed, and although such families are +seldom very rich, they are often in comfortable circumstances, and as +they use money as well as other things in the best way, and do not live +for show, they are really richer than others with the same means. + +I think, on the whole, good breeding is found oftenest in families where +the fathers have been professional men for generations. A line of +ministers where each has chosen to do the highest work he knew, careless +of money, or a line of physicians where each has chosen to help his +fellow-men, leads down to a beautiful blossoming time. + +But no class monopolizes fine manners. Sometimes they seem to belong +entirely to the woman herself, and no trace of them can be found in an +earlier generation. She chooses alone, and she accomplishes all that has +been accomplished for others by cultivated ancestors. + +Truthfulness is essential to culture, which, without it, will be only a +veneer. I have had an opportunity to know well a large class of girls +selected from the most highly cultivated families in one of our cities. +Comparing them with other sets of less highly cultivated girls, I think, +on the whole, the standard of truth is higher among the first, though it +has never been my misfortune to find a low standard among girls. +Unhappily, however, these girls have been so encouraged to shirk +mathematics that they have little power to think justly and accurately +on many questions. Mathematics may be called narrow, but no one can have +sound intellectual culture without these mental gymnastics. + +I believe, too, that science must have a larger place in the education +of girls if they are to be able to look at things in a broad way, and if +I am right in calling culture the result of choice, the fairness of +judgment which comes from broad views is more essential to it than any +special accomplishment. + +A specialist is seldom really cultivated, just because he is a +specialist. Darwin when young was an enthusiast in music and poetry. But +after a life given exclusively to science, he was amazed to find that +Shakespeare was tedious to him. His services to the world were so great, +and the spirit in which he worked was so noble, that we can hardly +regret his course; but he said himself that if he could begin life again +he would read some poetry and hear some music every day, so that he +might not lose the power of appreciating these things. Goethe, who +stands at the opposite extreme, as the "many-sided," adds that one must +see something beautiful every day. + +Women are seldom specialists however. Their danger is superficiality +through trying to do too many things. How can we be broad without being +superficial? I have elsewhere said that I believe the school education +should include the rudiments of many branches, and that these rudiments +should be so thoroughly mastered that the girl should be able to go on +with any study by herself. I think the education should be continued +along several lines, if possible. These will differ with different +women; but whatever they are, it is essential that a balance should be +kept between beauty and truth. Music, art, or poetry on the one hand, +and science or history on the other, seem to me to give what is most +needed. In Elizabeth Shepherd's books the formula _Tonkunst und +Arznei_--music and medicine--is often quoted, and so we should get the +proper balance. I do not think that an ardent girl who loves music art, +and poetry, and who hates history and science and mathematics, will ever +quite do herself justice if she carries on all three of her favorite +studies and ignores the others, even though her favorites are most +essential to culture. I think, however, that though mathematics cannot +be spared from the foundation of an education, it yields less culture on +the whole to students who have no taste for it than any other study, so +I do not advocate carrying it far, but history or some science would be +a good counterpoise for a mind given to the study of beauty alone. + +A friend says we must all be one-sided, so that perhaps our best chance +is to have one hobby at a time and ride that to death, and then try +another, becoming at last two, three, or four-sided, though never +completely rounded. If that be the case, it seems to me a good thing to +choose some of our hobbies at least from among the subjects for which we +have most taste and talent. Now where the opportunities for culture have +been great, it often happens that girls grow discouraged. They see how +far away they are from perfection, and they conclude they are good for +nothing. Do not yield to such morbid feelings. Make your own estimate of +yourself, without regard to your wishes. You do in your heart know what +you can do well if you are willing to work. + +Make your estimate silently. It will probably be too high, but you will +work in the right line. Then let half your work be in the direction in +which you think you may make your life outwardly effective; for +instance, if you are a Darwin let it be in the line of natural science. +Let the other half of your work be constantly varied. Suppose you have +chosen history as the study for a life-time, take as a companion study +something new every year,--first a science, then art, then literature, +then mathematics, then a language, etc., etc. For the fruit of culture +is to be and not to do; and what we are, intellectually at least, +depends even more on the breadth of knowledge which helps us to balance +conflicting judgments than on special knowledge which gives us accurate +judgment in details. Even in the moral world, are not the finest +characters those in whom many virtues are balanced rather than those in +which one virtue is distorted by being allowed exclusive sway? It is a +great thing to be generous, but not to be wasteful; it is great to be +gentle, but not to be weak. + +The philosophers tell us, however, that all things move in an ascending +spiral. We do in order to be. What we are bears unconscious fruit in +what we do. A woman who is cultivated in the true sense exerts a +constant influence for good. One rich woman says, "I will not live to +myself," and gives clothing to ragged children. Another rich woman says +the same thing, and studies history and poetry and comes silently to +just conclusions about the relative value of clothes and thought. She +cannot be unjust to her smartly dressed maid, and her daily life lifts +her maid into a new moral atmosphere; or her gently expressed judgments +on all things are so unswervingly on the side of truth and love that her +father and brother become ashamed of their little tricks in business or +politics which they had once thought trifles. True culture does always +react on life. + +And yet in one direction culture seems to weaken the moral fibre. The +kind of courage which leads to quick heroic action in great emergencies +is apt to be lost by the habit of balancing arguments for and against +action. The gentleness which comes from quiet study often makes one +incapable of decision when severity is necessary. I was shocked not long +ago by hearing a group of sweet, high-bred girls discussing the scene in +"William Tell" where the wife of the hero tries to prevent him from +going out with his bow and arrow while Gessler is in the neighborhood. +With one accord the girls thought Tell should have yielded to his wife's +wish. It is true she was right in regard to the danger, but Tell's +carelessness about it was so clearly the result of his high-minded +freedom from suspicion that it seemed as though every heart should beat +quicker at his nobleness. These girls have moral courage. I dare say +some of them would die at the stake rather than tell a lie. But it would +take a sharply defined test like that to rouse them. Too much thought +has made it difficult for them to take any risk through unconsciousness +of danger. They could not act freely and spontaneously, and they could +not even admire such action in others. + +How shall we train our girls so that they may have just judgments and +yet not make them so introspective that the bloom shall be brushed off +the beauty of every action? Perhaps Emerson's suggestion, that every +young person should be encouraged to do what he is afraid to do, would +meet the case. + + +In a city like Boston there is a great temptation to undertake too many +lines of study at once. There are free lectures every day in the week +from men who have mastered their subjects, and it seems as if one might +lie still and drink in all knowledge without effort. There are lectures +in private parlors for those who are too delicate to go to a public +hall--elementary lectures, and advanced lectures and readings. But no +one ever became cultivated by going to lectures. If a girl would choose +a single course and study the subject between times by herself, then she +would really be the better for the instruction. I think the difficulty +of choice among many good things in the city is the reason that so many +earnest girls have dissipated minds. A woman in the city must be +constantly on her guard against this peculiar temptation. + +Perhaps at this point it will do no harm to insert a few commonplace +rules for study. + +Do not try to study too many things at once. + +Try to do all your work thoroughly, even if you do not get beyond the +rudiments in anything. + +Do not be in a hurry. + +It is said that eagerness to finish things shows weakness. It certainly +leads to shallowness, "Without haste, without rest" was Goethe's motto. +I have heard of a woman who began to study botany at ninety. That shows +a mind so trained and cultivated that the soil could not be exhausted +with age. How good it was that she was still fresh enough to respond to +new thoughts! She might have learned as much botany in a course of +lectures when she was twenty, and have listened to a dozen other courses +at the same time, without half the delight and inspiration she had at +ninety; that is, receiving so many new ideas at once at twenty might +have made her mind more jaded than the gradual, steady unfolding of many +more ideas during a lifetime. + +I know a lady of forty-five who within the last month has taken her +first piano lesson. She did not even know the meaning of the letters, +and yet she has already made wonderful progress. She will probably never +become a great player, though her fingers are unusually supple and she +has some musical ability. But even if she does not, a new world of +thought and beauty is opening to her. + +I have just heard of another lady of seventy who went abroad for the +sake of learning the French language. + +It is a great mistake to think that all we are to learn must be begun +before we are thirty lest we may not have a chance to make a practical +use of it. Culture is within and not without. + + +I hope that I shall have as many readers in the country as in the city, +and country people are not distracted with opportunities for culture. +Indeed, they often think they have none. I will tell you the stories of +three cultivated country women. + +One lived on a farm a mile from the post-office, and there was not much +money for her to spend. There were half a dozen cultivated families in +the village including that of the minister, and among them were to be +found most of the books which make the best literature. She knew how to +use both these friends and these books, and at twenty she was better +read than her Boston cousins. As she did not see her friends often, she +was more careful to make every call tell, and her visitors said it was +delightful to go to see her, she had such fresh things to say to them +and such interesting questions to ask. She studied botany by herself and +became expert. She learned mathematics so well in the public school that +when she began to think she would like to see something of the world +outside her corner, she was able to get good places to teach. First, +she went to a seaside village and there she learned a thousand new +things. Then she spent a few years at the West, varying her route in +going and coming till she had seen a large part of her own country. By +this time she had saved enough money to go abroad and study quietly for +a year. Now, she had her French and German, and she saw pictures and +heard music and visited cathedrals and discovered how other people +lived. But by and by her sisters died, and she was needed at home. Of +course she was a great acquisition in the village, and she had many +sources of enjoyment in pursuing the studies she had begun. But she +wanted new thoughts too. She invited a friend to spend a month with her, +and when she found that her friend had made a study of chemistry she +sent for a few dollars' worth of chemicals and set up a satisfactory +laboratory in the barn. Naturally she made the acquaintance of every +desirable person who visited the village, and moreover her Boston +relatives were always eager to have her for a guest, as she was +interested in all their favorite pursuits in an entirely original way. + +Another girl lived in one little town till she was thirty, and then +married a man of culture whose home was in the city. His sisters said +she was a beauty and had good taste in dress; and they thought these +things had captivated their brother. But first they had to own that she +was a woman of fine character, good-tempered, dignified, truthful and +modest, for these virtues flourish in the country quite as often as in +the city. But still, they knew that she had had no education, and they +expected no intellectual companionship. Then it proved that she had read +more thoughtfully than they had. They belonged to a dozen literary +societies, but the one little village Shakespeare Club had done good +work. The sisters always went to the theatre every week in the winter, +but the bride who could count on her fingers the plays she had heard, +had selected these so carefully that her taste was already well formed. +Then she proved to be musical. Small as the village was, there had been +one young lady in it who had had the best musical advantages. Our +heroine had not let this opportunity slip. She had not heard many +concerts, but she had practiced the best music. She had studied Latin, +of course, in the village high school, and French with a French lady who +spent her summers in the neighborhood. She had treated herself every +year to five dollars' worth of Soule's photographs, and she had studied +these so carefully that she really knew something of the great artists. + +Then she had traveled! She had begun to teach in her own village when +she was eighteen, and every summer she had spent a little of her salary +in some interesting trip. As a teacher, she had taken advantage of +excursion rates to the great National Teachers' Institutes. In this way +she had visited most sections of the United States. And she had planned +her trips so thoughtfully that she had been alive to everything which +was to be seen. Once she had even taken the accumulations of several +years and spent her summer abroad. The sisters looked scornful at this. +How could anybody see anything worth seeing with an excursion party? Yet +they had to own that what we see depends on the eyes we have as much as +on our surroundings. She could not see everything in three months, but +she knew what she wanted to see, and she had thoroughly assimilated that +by much thought about it before and after the journey. + +She had once spent six weeks at a summer school of languages, and had +devoted herself so energetically to German that she had been able to go +on reading it by herself, and thus in a few years she had become +familiar with some of the masterpieces of its literature. But the +sisters were most astonished when they found her reading Italian one +day--Dante, too, which was too hard for them. The explanation of this +was that for some years the Catholic priest in her native village had +been a good-natured Tuscan who had been glad to exchange Italian for +English with her. + +You see, she had had no regular education and no money but what she +earned, yet by choosing the best within reach at all times she had +become as cultivated as her sisters-in-law who had had every +opportunity. + +All women are not so fond of study; but they may be cultivated, +nevertheless. The finest manners I have ever seen belong to a woman who +has lived all her life in the house where she was born in a little town +in New England. She never went away to school, and has not the student +temperament, though she is gifted in every direction. She has a love of +beauty which has led her to make everything beautiful around her. She +has had little musical training, yet her playing and singing have always +had the indefinable musical quality. She has read a good deal, +especially of the best novels and poetry, but "All for love and nothing +for reward." She has traveled from time to time a little when she could +spare the money, but always for pleasure and not to improve her mind. + +She has had no artistic training, but with meagre materials she arranges +tableaux which are famed throughout the county, and on every public +occasion in the village she decorates the Town Hall exquisitely. She has +added wonderfully to the happiness of the place by always following her +love of beauty, making everything she touches beautiful without any +pretense or even any consciousness of having a mission. + +So women may be cultivated in the country as well as in the city. But +some one may say that the hard workers have no time for culture. It +does seem to be true that hard workers need to use more sagacity than +others not to let their work crowd out everything else. They have one +advantage. Nobody can be really cultivated without learning some one +thing thoroughly. This their work compels workers to do. And the +building is more important than its decoration, though without the +decoration it may be a sombre structure. + +Now, hard workers obviously cannot study French and German and Italian +and music and art, at least all at once, and if they try and so crowd +out all their little leisure, they miss the better culture which is +within their reach. What must you who are hard workers take time to do? + +1. Take a little time to think. Especially try to judge fairly in +every-day matters. Culture, demands balance of mind; but is not that as +good when it comes from thought as from study? If the subject in hand is +one of which you do not know enough to judge, study it, if you have +time. If not, suspend your judgment. That will show true culture. For +instance, do not be a violent partisan either for or against the tariff +unless you have carefully examined the arguments on both sides. Few +perhaps have time to do that. You will still have an opinion. The few +arguments you have studied all point in one direction. The people you +trust most believe in one measure. Very well, keep your opinion. If you +were a voter you might even vote in the way you believe to be best; but +do not allow yourself to be violent or to denounce everybody whose +judgment differs from yours. + +2. Try to be enough at leisure to observe little courtesies. Hard +workers are in danger of being irritable and hurried and careless of the +trifles which add so much to the beauty and dignity of life. Of course +my injunction includes some social life. We get much of our best +intellectual as well as moral life from contact with others. + +3. Keep open every avenue to beauty. You have no time to study, but read +a few beautiful and noble sentences every day. You have no time to +practice music; then it is doubly necessary to hear all you can and the +best that you can. And you can always look at beauty. There is always a +strip of blue sky with its stars at night. And there are few who could +not see a beautiful sunset almost every day in the year if they made it +a happy duty to look at it. I have often thought that any one who would +persist in seeing this one vision every day would be lifted up above +most of the turmoil of life. + + + + +VIII. + +THE ESSENTIALS OF A LADY. + + +Within the last twenty-five years the wish to be considered a lady has +spread so among all classes of American women as to have become almost +ridiculous, as in the authentic case of the individual who presented +herself at the front door of a fine house, and describing herself as an +ash-_lady_, inquired for the _woman_ of the house. It has been so often +repeated that: "The rank is but the guinea's stamp," and that "A man's a +man for a' that," that all the ash-ladies and wash-ladies of the land +have hastily concluded that the term "lady" stands for nothing +substantial. + +I will not say that a washer-woman may not be a lady. It is certainly +possible for her to have all the essentials of a lady. But such a case +is so rare that I think we are justified in taking the contrary for +granted till we have proof of the fact. Not there are washer-women so +truthful, unselfish, and noble in character that they are far superior +as women to many whom we may fairly call ladies. Such women usually have +self-respect enough to understand that they lose rather than gain +dignity in claiming to be anything they are not. The essential point in +life is not the being considered a lady. It is not even to be a lady, +though that is a beautiful thing. A woman is like a vigorous plant, with +strong roots firmly fixed in the soil and abundant fresh green leaves. A +lady is such a plant crowned by a beautiful blossom. You have sometimes +seen a plant, a geranium, for instance, which had lost all its leaves, +and yet bore at the top of its crooked stem a cluster of flowers. Such +flowers are not very beautiful. The thrifty plant without a blossom is +more beautiful. Of course my moral is this, that while the term "lady" +does mean something different from "woman," it is only as a crown of +womanhood that it is really significant. + +Every girl should try to be a lady, however, and every girl who +sincerely tries will have some measure of success. I remember when I was +a girl, I once said to a high-bred woman, "Do you think, after all, that +Mrs. A. is much of a lady?" She replied so firmly as to crush me for the +time, "One is either a lady or she is not a lady." I supposed she was +right, and that there were no stages on the perilous upward path which +led to being a lady. I have changed my mind now. I think each of us may +have some virtues without having all the virtues. I think with Emerson +that in a society of gentlemen and ladies we shall find no complete +gentleman and no complete lady; and so I say that every girl who tries +to be a lady will have some measure of success. I do not mean that she +should try to be recognized as a lady. If she is one she will probably, +but not certainly, be so recognized. In a small community, where she can +be known personally, she will be sure of her place, but not in a large +town. + +Oliver Wendell Holmes, speaking in England, said something to this +effect: "You think we have no classes in America because we have no +titles to distinguish them. But a barbed wire fence is as effectual in +keeping out intruders as one of boards, though you can see the boards +and the barbed wire is invisible." + +Why is a barbed wire fence put up in America? Because there is a real +difference between coarse people and refined people, even when both have +the best intentions. To be sure there are other less valid reasons. +There are coarse people whom accident has put among the higher classes, +who make themselves ridiculous by putting up a fence between themselves +and poorer people even when the poor are refined. Nevertheless, there is +a true basis for distinction of classes. Only the distinction is not as +sharp as many would have it. The highly refined and the very coarse have +so little in common that they can never associate with comfort. But the +highly refined do not need barbed wire between themselves and those with +one degree less of cultivation. We can always reach one hand to those +below us, and if we reach the other to those above us, we shall be able +to lift the lower to our plane instead of sinking to theirs. Such a +chain of love, reaching from the lowest to the highest, is the ideal +society, and the highest man does not need to lift all his fellows up by +his unaided strength, because there is infinite help above him. + +But in the unideal present most of us will sometimes be called upon to +stand outside the charmed circle of barbed wire which incloses more +fortunate mortals, in spite of all we can do for ourselves. We may be +better women than those within the circle, we may be better-educated, +more careful in our habits, and our manners may be finer, and yet we may +not have the magic word which would admit us. There is no doubt, for +instance, that blood and breeding do tell powerfully in refinement. I +can think of half a dozen women, however, of no birth at all in the +ordinary sense, and of no home education, who have blossomed into the +loveliest and most refined of women. In one case, the ancestors had for +generations been earnestly religious, so that the girl was really of +noble birth and predestined to refinement, though she had nothing to +help her in the world's estimation. But some of the girls came from +wretched homes, some of them did not even have good mothers, and one was +the illegitimate daughter of a servant girl. But they all had aspiration +and intellect, and their refinement was not only wonderful under the +circumstances, but wonderful under any circumstances. They were suitable +associates for the most exclusive ladies in our cities so far as genuine +refinement goes, only as their experience of life was much wider than +that of these carefully guarded dames, perhaps they would not have +assimilated very well with them after all. + +Of course, the exclusive circles are suspicious of women whose +antecedents are like these, and perhaps they have a right to be +suspicious, because these girls were certainly exceptions to the rule. +At all events, none of us can help ourselves by grasping at a position. +We may, to be sure, get invitations sometimes if we are vulgar enough to +ask for them, but we shall find the barbed wire fence even in the +drawing-room to which we have been admitted. We must be content to stand +outside every circle till we are invited to enter it, and our +self-respect must heal our wounded pride. + +One thing, however, we can do. We can quietly resist being patronized. +We are not often called upon to accept favors from those who are not our +superiors but who condescend to us because we are poor or obscure. It is +true we must be humble, and we need not resent such favors, but we must +beware of being flattered by the notice of any one who is simply rich or +powerful. When we recognize true superiority either in the rich or the +poor, we ought to be glad to acknowledge it. We can accept a favor from +those who are really above us, though we know we cannot return it. And +we can always be ready to do our best work for others whether they +slight us or not. That does not show a mean but a noble spirit. + + +What are the essentials of a lady? + +A knowledge of the manners of the world is generally considered +necessary if one would be a lady. Even where customs themselves are +trivial, ignorance of them makes a woman awkward and self-conscious, so +that she does not have the grace we associate with a perfect lady. +Etiquette is superficial, it is true, but it has a genuine value. The +manners which belong instinctively to a woman of kindness and refinement +are a far better test of her real rank. + +I think, on the whole, a lady is most quickly recognized by her purity. +Even a pure enunciation is a sign of a lady, for it gives a certain +beauty of speech rarely heard except among those not only carefully +educated, but brought up among those who have the same habits. And +nobody is quite willing to pronounce any one a lady who is not +exquisitely neat in her personal habits. These, to be sure, are only an +outward and visible sign, but they point clearly to something within. +Somebody is sure to remember a class of New England housekeepers who +spend all their time scrubbing floors and have no spirit left for +anything else, and ask if they have the visible stamp of a lady. The +idea of neatness is so distorted in them that we cannot admire it very +much, yet perhaps it is their one connecting link with refinement. Such +women, however, are, curiously enough, seldom particularly neat in their +personal habits. Their dress is often untidy, their hair uncombed, they +are careless about bathing, and their teeth are neglected. Personal +neatness is far more characteristic of a lady than neatness of +surroundings, and cleanliness is better than order. The lover of +"Shirley" says, "I have often seen her with a torn sleeve, but the arm +beneath it was white." + +Somebody else will say that neatness is, after all, a luxury beyond the +means of poor people. How can you be clean when you do dirty work? It +takes either time or money. I know a wealthy lady who used to be poor, +who says that for years she could never afford as much washing as she +thought indispensable, and she was too much of an invalid to do her own +washing. Nevertheless, she was always a lady and always looked like one, +though her dresses were sometimes absurdly old-fashioned. I should say +that her love of neatness was so strong that she sacrificed less +important things to it, and always did reach a high standard, though not +the standard of luxury. + +I know a gentleman whose lot has been to do the heaviest and dirtiest +work on a ranch for years, and yet his hands to the tips of his +fingernails look as if he had just come from a manicure's. I suppose he +has been determined that his hands should be clean and has been willing +to take the trouble to keep them so. Still, we ought to make some +allowance for poverty in our estimate of neatness. "Why are you building +an addition to your house?" asked one lady of another. "Oh, for Mr. B.'s +tooth-brushes," replied Mrs. B, carelessly. "When a man has been brought +up as Mr. B. has been, his tooth-brushes take up a great deal of room." + +I have said all this of outward purity, because it is easier to speak of +this, but it is still more the purity of mind and character which +distinguishes a lady. In some classes of society even in America girls +are kept almost isolated chiefly to preserve their purity of thought. +Purity, even the purity of ignorance, is beautiful, but such purity has +not deep foundations, and I cannot think that girls are best guarded in +this way. Nevertheless, purity is so essential to a lady that such girls +will always be counted as ladies. + +The love of beauty is characteristic of a real lady. This is recognized +in some measure. Girls are taught dancing and music and something of +art. They listen to good music even if they are not musicians, and they +look at good pictures if they cannot paint them. This is partly a matter +of fashion, but it has a genuine root. And so with the beauty of dress, +and of the home. Both these ought to be beautiful, but as few women are +artistic enough to design anything, they follow the fashion. In this way +they escape criticism from their companions who are like them. But the +moment ugly dress or furniture is out of fashion its ugliness is +apparent. I suppose most of us must be content to be tyrannized over +more or less by fashion, or by fashion and poverty combined, till we +develop greater genius in working out the problem of how to make our +surroundings beautiful. I would simply suggest that we should resist +fashions we know to be hideous, and try to follow those which commend +themselves to our sense of beauty. + +The two forms of beauty which are free to all of us are, I think, most +neglected, and more neglected among those who are surest of their title +as ladies than among those of more modest pretensions. These are poetry +and nature. To read beautiful poems constantly and to learn them by +heart, and to look out day by day on the glory of the world--these +things give higher refinement than can be won by anything else merely +intellectual. And such a love of beauty usually has deep springs in the +moral nature. + +Education has so much to do with refinement that we expect a lady to be +educated as a matter of course, at least in some directions, mathematics +and science being thus far not included. George Eliot says of Nancy in +"Silas Marner," that she often used ungrammatical language, and was not +highly educated, but that she was a thorough lady because she had +delicate personal habits and high rectitude. + +This brings us to the deep foundations. A lady must be truthful. And the +outward marks of truthfulness are sometimes recognized when their source +is misunderstood. The lady wears real lace instead of a showy imitation. +If she cannot afford what is real, she goes without. She is as careful +about neat underclothing as neat dress. She does not pretend to +accomplishments she has not. Indeed, the modesty essential to a lady is +intimately connected with truthfulness. When she is wrong she does not +think it beneath her dignity to own it. She never allows blame which +belongs to her to fall on any one else. She makes no display. She wishes +to be loved for herself and not because she belongs to the "best set," +so she does not take pains to introduce the names of great acquaintances +into her conversation. And of course she always tells the truth. She may +observe all these things simply because it is good form, but a truthful +woman will observe them without knowing they are good form, and she will +be the real lady. + +But one may have all the qualities we have enumerated and yet miss the +charm we associate with the name "lady." A truthful person may not be +kind. A woman may love beauty and still be hard. A perfectly pure woman +may be unfeeling, perhaps all the more because she needs no charity +herself. But a woman who does not show consideration for others cannot +be an ideal lady. If she is considerate in a mechanical way, because she +knows a lady must be so, it does not amount to much. And some women do +all they can for others from a sense of duty. They study to make others +happy in even trivial ways. They are good women, and on the +whole--ladies. But the woman whose love for others is spontaneous, who +sheds the radiance of kindness about her because she cannot help it--she +is the lovely lady whose charm we all feel. Truth and love are the +eternal foundations of the character of a real lady. + + + + +IX + +THE PROBLEM OF CHARITY. + + +I suppose every large-hearted girl wishes to do some work which will add +to the happiness of others, and most girls would like to do a little, at +least, outside of their own immediate circle. It seems to me that the +most beautiful charity is always that which is done within one's own +circle. There is the personal giving, the real denial of ourselves for +others, the doing of the duties which come to us rather than of those we +have fancifully chosen. And these duties are done for love. + +Do you remember how Mrs. Pardiggle in "Bleak House" tried to interest +Esther and Ada in some great schemes for doing good by wholesale, and +how Esther modestly answered that they hardly felt equal to such great +things, but that they hoped if they were careful to do all they could +for those immediately about them their circle would gradually widen? +This is the ideal way to do good. You help your neighbor simply without +any pretense or self-consciousness. She helps her neighbor, and so on. +There need be no break in the chain from lowest to highest. Mrs. Whitney +has taught beautiful lessons of this kind in her stories, emphasizing +the theory of "nexts." I have often thought this was the only kind of +charity which did not injure the giver; for the moment we try to help +those perceptibly below us we are apt to be condescending and to feel a +secret pride. Probably this inward satisfaction accounts for the +readiness of many people to undertake forms of missionary work, though +they are by no means thoughtful of those around them. There has often +been bitter criticism of foreign missions to the heathen on this ground. +Part of it is, no doubt, just. But as bitter criticism might be made of +much noble work at home, like that of the Associated Charities, for +instance. + +In Boston, it is said, there is not one woman of any standing in society +who is not interested in some charity. Most of their work is probably +genuine. It is done from a sincere wish to do the best thing--very +likely in many cases simply to ease the importunate New England +conscience, yet also, no doubt, with the hope of relieving suffering. +But we can hardly hope that much of it is ideal since the true charity +is "Not what we give but what we share." + +The women who are readiest to give their money and even their time to +the desperately poor do not like to share their pew in church with some +quiet person whom they consider below them in the social scale. Some one +tells of a woman who spent all her time in going about among the poor +giving practical help, but who really cared so little about those she +helped that every day on her return from her rounds she amused the +family by satirizing her pensioners. She could not love them, perhaps, +and it may still have been an excellent thing for her to help them. +Nevertheless, this was not the ideal charity. + +There are a great many girls who would like to do some definite +charitable work. They would like to be the founders of a great charity. +They are ambitious, and their ambition is, on the whole, a noble one. +Some of them are so sweet and generous to everybody about them that I +really think they might be trusted to do something on a large scale. One +of them might even oversee an orphan asylum; yet I do not think she +could be such a blessing to little children as is a woman I know who is +the matron of such an institution, for this woman had an unsympathetic +step-mother, and she learned through a lonely childhood how to pity +motherless children, and I heard a thoughtful woman say of her orphan +asylum, "It was a shabby place, but beautiful to me because there was +such a motherly atmosphere about it." + +Others of these girls are too intolerant of everybody outside their own +particular set to be allowed to do any work for the poor except to give +money, and even then there is danger they may be so lifted up by a sense +of their own goodness that perhaps it would be better for them +personally to spend the money extravagantly, for then they would +certainly be ashamed of themselves. Nevertheless, the poor need their +money, so perhaps it is better they should give it. + +This brings me to another point. In the country it is still possible to +keep to the ideal neighborly charity, but in the city there are quarters +where the misery is wholesale, and wholesale scientific methods must be +applied to relieve it. The Associated Charities in Boston, for instance, +do a kind of work which must be done unless we are willing to sit down +and let all the innocent suffer with the guilty. And many of the leaders +have the ideal spirit, and they hold up ideal standards for the visitors +of the poor, that is, they ask us to visit the poor with love in our +hearts. The work to be done in cities is so enormous that every woman of +leisure who feels the desire to help should certainly be encouraged to +do so, and I am even inclined to think that where so well-organized a +system exists as in the Associated Charities, it is a saving of energy +for her to put herself under its direction though not so wholly as to +allow her no means or leisure for her personal sphere of action to +expand naturally. + +As long as we try to do the nearest duties there will always be failure +enough to keep us humble and to make it safe for us spiritually to +undertake something beyond. A girl tries to help her brothers, and +instead of admiring her for it they frankly tell her how far she fulls +short. But if she does a tithe as much for the poor she is likely to get +some thanks, more or less sincere, and all her circle of friends admire +her. This pleasant encouragement does her no harm as long as she has the +antidote of the family criticism, so I would let every ardent woman have +some outside work, and the Associated Charities will find room for every +worker. Some women can help children by teaching them and amusing them, +and this is the most efficient kind of work, for it prevents crime and +misery. Some can sew for the poor, some can cook, some can manage +tenement houses as Octavia Hill has done. + +To give what we call practical help we must be practical ourselves. I +think if the busy housekeepers who do their own work have time to visit +the poor, their suggestions are of infinitely more value than any given +by rich ladies who are making a business of charity; but such women have +little time, so the rich must humbly try to take their place. + +I know a charming girl whose mother does not allow her to go into the +kitchen. She found great difficulty at school in learning the weights +and measures, and at last her teacher asked her if she had ever seen a +quart measure, to which she replied doubtfully that she was not quite +sure. A few years hence she is certain to be what is called a "friendly +visitor." I have no question about her friendliness, and the poor will +bless her sweet face, especially when she gives them money freely, as +she can easily do, but I should not expect her to be able to give them +very useful advice about spending money--which they need still more. It +must not be supposed, however, that I scorn the kind of work she can do. +There is something better to be done for the poor than to teach them +economy--even a wise economy--it is to rouse their higher nature. I +should think that no one could be an hour with this young girl without +having some aspiration to be noble. + +A beautiful and graceful woman has a unique work to do for the poor. It +is on the same principle that the Princess of Wales can give pleasure by +simply distributing the flowers in a hospital with her own hands. It is +possible for beauty to condescend without wounding. A woman who is not +outwardly attractive must do a different kind of work. The first brings +a poetic element into a dreary life, and may even in this way arouse the +aspiration for an unattainable ideal. But a plain and awkward woman may +be the inspiration of a still higher ideal by the radiance of her +goodness. + +When girls ask me, as they often do, _what_ they shall do for others, I +find it impossible to answer. Their talents and their opportunities must +decide the particular form of work. But its real value will depend +entirely on what they are. I can only say that there is so much work to +be done that each must do all she can; that she must choose the thing +she can do best and persevere with that quietly, not trying to do many +kinds of work at once; that all she does must be done with love; and +that above all things she must not forget that her own circle of family +and friends shows plainly the centre from which God wishes her to begin +to work. + +To the women who live in the country the circle widens naturally and +beautifully. If a neighbor is ill, one sends in delicacies to the +invalid, another offers to take care of the children, and a third acts +as watcher. When a drunkard reduces his family to destitution, one +neighbor sends a breakfast to them, another flannel for the baby, +another finds work for the oldest girl, and another pays the boys a +trifle for bringing wood and water. The cases of actual destitution are +so few that they can all be met in this way unless the sufferers are too +proud to let their wants be known; and even then there is sure to be +some real friend who goes to see them naturally without any thought of +being a friendly visitor, and thus comes to the rescue. + +Charity in the country is the natural flower of a loving heart. If a +woman has a beautiful home in the country, it stands for a refining +influence for the whole village, for she usually opens it to those of +her neighbors who can appreciate it, since in the country there are not +too many people, and those of like tastes meet without regard to +differences of fortune. + +A woman in the country who has even a collection of photographs of +beautiful pictures can easily make them a real blessing to many who have +no other avenue open to art. And so with books. One owns a copy of +Plato, another of Dante, another of Goethe, and these books circulate +freely among all who care to read them. They are better than a public +library where the books must be hurried back at a given date. They are +sometimes even better than large private libraries where the number of +books is distracting. + +I know a young lady who is the only highly educated musician in a little +country village. She sings in the choir and makes the church service a +new thing. She good-naturedly steps in and trains the children in their +choruses for festival occasions. She has invited half a dozen young +fellows to form a glee club and sing one evening a week in her parlor. +They all have musical talent, and they are capable of appreciating her +attractive manners, but they had not before thought of any better way of +spending their evenings than in screaming about the streets. If a poor +girl has a good voice, this young lady finds time to teach her to sing. +I do not think it ever entered her mind that she was doing charitable +work. The work was directly in her pathway. She could do it, and having +a large, loving heart, she has done it. But there is no one in the +village who has done so much to raise the tone of life there. + +So the improvement of a country town goes on exactly in proportion to +the loving-kindness of the people and their willingness to share +whatever material and mental treasures they may have. Perhaps the same +is true in the city; but the number of treasures to be shared, as well +as the number of people to share them, is so bewildering that it is next +to impossible to bring form out of the chaos without employing +scientific middlemen, and the fascination about helping others almost +vanishes. + +Nevertheless, let us cling to the doctrine that + + + "'T is love, 't is love, 't is love that makes the world go round," + + +and even in the city we may all have hope. + + + + +X. + +THE ESSENTIALS OF A HOME. + + +Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred +therewith. + +That is, it is the family which makes the home, and this is even truer +of the mother and her daughters than of the father and his sons. +Sometimes even one sunshiny spirit in a house transforms it, and where +all the family are in harmony there cannot fail to be a home in the best +sense. + +But there are virtues and virtues. "I admire Miss Strong, indeed I love +her," I heard a lady say not long ago, "but I can't imagine her making a +beautiful home under any circumstances." Yet Miss Strong is gentle, +sweet-tempered, thoroughly unselfish and high-minded, quiet and +unobtrusive, neat and well-bred. Then what is wanting in Miss Strong? + +"I think it will be best for Jenny to teach," wrote another lady in +regard to a young girl in whom she was deeply interested, and whose +gifts and graces she had been cataloguing at great length. "At least, +what else is there for a woman to do who is thoroughly feminine but not +at all domestic?" + +We think of unselfishness as the first need of a woman who is to be the +presiding genius of a home; but both Miss Strong and Jenny are +conspicuously unselfish. + +It seems that though a fine character, and particularly a loving one, +must be the foundation of the home, yet certain special qualities are +necessary. Among the thousands who have read "Robert Elsmere" does any +one feel that Catherine, with all her earnestness and deep love of +others, made her girlhood's home a pleasant place? She was ready to give +up a home of her own, thinking her mother and sisters needed her, and +yet her sister Rose, at least, was secretly longing to be free from the +constant influence of such severe moral standards. In short, Catherine +did not make her home comfortable. + +Comfort, I think, enters into every idea of a home. We wish to be +unrestrained there. That, however, is a different thing from being +lawless. There must be moral restraints, even for the sake of the +comfort itself. Otherwise, the freedom of one interferes with the +freedom of another, and finally the reaction tells in the discomfort of +all. + +Physical comfort is necessary in a home. Some of the best women do not +understand this. They are disgusted with the sarcasm that "The road to a +man's heart is through his dinner." That would be disgusting if it were +the whole truth. But we must all eat every day of our lives, and +appetizing food prettily served adds much to the comfort of the day. +Indeed, without it only a boor or a saint can be really comfortable. + +Women who are good cooks are sometimes ill-tempered and refuse to +exercise their art. But discomfort in the matter of dinner usually comes +from a different kind of housekeeper. There are some women who think it +is a weakness to care about food. Their rule is, "Eat what is set before +you, asking no questions," a sufficiently good rule for those who are +dining, but a miserable one for the housekeeper to force upon others. +There are still other women who have a definite opinion as to diet. They +have studied food from a hygienic point of view, and they watch the +effect of every mouthful. Such a study ought to be useful, but in point +of fact it is a frequent source of discomfort. Nothing ever digests well +when our mind is concentrated on our digestion. One difficulty may be +this. The women who have turned their attention to this subject have +often done so because they were invalids. They find certain food +injurious to them and decide it is injurious to everybody. So a whole +healthy household is restricted to the invalid's bill of fare. The +housekeeper is so certain she is doing her duty, that she easily steels +her heart against the murmurs of her family, and the discomfort +continues. A thoroughly healthy woman, however, will provide all the +better for her family if she understands the effect of different +articles of diet. + +To be comfortable, a house should be warm enough. Of course, I do not +mean that we need to breathe the superheated atmosphere which foreigners +criticise in most American houses. It is the mother of the family who +must correct this. She can easily do so, because she has it entirely in +her power to form the habits of her children in this particular, and it +is rarely the case that a man likes an overheated room until he has been +trained by his more sensitive wife to bear it. + +But I mean that nothing physical takes from the comfort of a home so +much as chilliness. So long as we are warm enough we may relish a very +frugal dinner, but a feast is unappetizing in a cold room. Indeed, I +believe we may economize in anything better than in fuel. It gives a +great sense of comfort in going into a house to find it warm all +through. Many people, however, cannot afford such luxury. But if you can +only have one fire in the house, see that that is always burning; and if +it must be in the kitchen in the cooking-stove, keep the stove so bright +that its black ugliness is a centre radiating cheerfulness. There are +plenty of homes in which there is no need of stint, where through +carelessness and neglect there are times when everybody in the house is +shivering, while perhaps at other times half the rooms are at a red +heat. + +I remember one of Charles Reade's heroes who was wavering between the +attractions of two women, and the novelist represents the simpler of +the two as being careful that there should always be a blazing hearth +when the lover came. This innocent device gave him a sense of comfort +which almost won his heart. It seemed to me a touch of truth. + +We cannot all afford open wood fires, though their beauty and +healthfulness make us wish we could; but most of us can keep the "clear +fire" and the "clean hearth," which Mrs. Battle wisely considered the +proper preliminaries to the "rigor of the game." + +Though we want warm homes, we do not want close ones. Most houses are +not very well ventilated, and if we keep our windows open in winter +weather, we must expect our bill for fuel to be a large one. Some of us +are too poor to disregard this fact, but most of us could probably +afford to save enough in our dress to meet what I may call this +necessary extravagance. I have seen a great many landladies who looked +so severe on seeing a window open in a room where the register was also +open, that the unhappy boarder felt at once like a culprit for even +desiring both warmth and fresh air at the same time. Once, however, I +had the good fortune to know a woman of different views. She bought a +house expressly with the intention of letting it to transient lodgers. +She found, as is common, that the furnace-heated air which passed +through the registers into the rooms came from the cellar. She +immediately made alterations, so that the fresh outside air should be +heated and carried over the house. "It costs more," she said, "but dear +me! what is expense to fresh air?" Moreover she said so much to her +lodgers about the necessity of fresh air, that all the windows in the +house were always streaming open. "I once knew a lady who died of +pneumonia from airing her room too much," said the landlady, "but that +was a beautiful death!" + +I doubt whether there is comfort under a system of ventilation which +induces pneumonia, but it certainly is luxury as well as comfort to let +in all the fresh air we want and not to stint fuel. + +Plenty of light is another essential in a home. Most city houses are +deficient in sunlight, and most of them, however richly furnished, are +accordingly depressing. Whether or not the dreams of socialists can ever +be realized we do not know, but none is more alluring than that of the +disappearance of blocks of houses. If every house could stand in the +midst of its own garden, the gain would be as great in inner comfort as +in outward beauty. + +No one can tell the amount of near-sightedness caused by the effort to +read and write in our dark city houses. Rich people ought to be +extravagant in the matter of light. Corner lots are worth buying, and it +is worth while to live on "streets with only one side." + +And when natural light fails let us have enough of the artificial. Even +the poor who cannot have electricity or gas hardly need economize here +with kerosene at its present rates. A kerosene lamp, to be sure, is not +often a beautiful or poetical object, but with the right kind of care +the vile odor may be suppressed, and though this involves an additional +burden for the housekeeper, light is too essential for the work to be +grudged. A sufficient number of _clean_ kerosene lamps will make a house +cheerful from one end to the other. Now I have often noticed that women +who are compelled to economize in little things are inclined to +economize in all things. They will strain their eyes for fifteen minutes +after it is too dark to sew, they will sit in a room dimly lighted by +one lamp when two are necessary to make it attractive, without stopping +to think that twelve or fifteen cents worth of oil would supply three +large lamps for a week! And in this way they sacrifice not only +cheerfulness, but opportunities for all the family to do easy and +comfortable work. + +Cleanliness is as essential in a home as over-neatness is destructive to +it. There is nothing homelike in any room that is in perfect order; but, +on the other hand, there is little of the home feeling in a room that is +not bright and fresh with cleanliness. Tables littered with books, +chairs and sofas strewn with gloves and ribbons, and even a floor +encumbered with a prostrate doll or two, are cheerful; a trail of +leaves and mosses from a basket of woodland treasures is endurable dirt. +But dust in the corners which shows the dirt to be chronic and not +accidental, unwashed windows, dingy mirrors, etc., etc., have no +redeeming quality. It is a good thing for the mother of the family to +love order, but there is ample scope for that in keeping every closet +and drawer and box and basket in a dainty condition. However neat a room +may be, it is odious the moment an open drawer or closet reveals +disorder. The meaning of this is that the disorder which comes from +daily happy living is delightful, and that is what we see in the large +confusion of a room when in use; but the disorder which comes from +carelessness about finding a convenient place for everything, and from +laziness about putting things in their places when we have done using +them, is not beautiful. + +For the kind of neatness which makes a home homelike we must have room +enough, but not too much room. This is rather a vague statement, I know, +but the actual measurements of a house should vary with circumstances; +for example, a large room with few people in it will always be stiff, +even if it is splendid; while a small room filled with useless +_bric-a-brac_ will be uncomfortable even with a solitary occupant. On +the subject of _bric-a-brac_ I feel strongly, and I will speak of it +more fully elsewhere. + +But I do not include pictures in the term _bric-a-brac._ There ought to +be pictures in every home for their intrinsic value. Fortunately they +take up little room and are easily kept in order. Many of us do not +agree about pictures. Most Americans who buy oil paintings advertise +their want of cultivation in their choice, and even those who rigidly +confine themselves to engravings and photographs of the old masters do +not succeed much better. I remember a man, the son of a country +minister, who knew pictures only from the literary side. He was a great +reader, and had been familiar with the names of Raphael and Da Vinci and +Duerer from childhood. He knew well what were their masterpieces, and +when he went abroad he bought hundreds of photographs of these works. +His house was full of pictures; there was not one among them which was +not a copy of something really beautiful, and not one copy which had any +beauty in itself. This man had not the sense of beauty, though he had +the moral sense which led him always to wish for the best. + +But all any of us can do is to express the best we know. The essential +quality in pictures in our own homes is that they should express the +best we ourselves have reached. Still, many pictures of high artistic +merit are wanting in the real home charm. I believe most of those which +hang on our walls and are always before our eyes should be cheerful in +character. I sympathize with the old abbess who chose to have her rooms +frescoed with Correggio's happy cherubs, and who liked to have +constantly before her, though in a convent, his goddess Diana, whose +smile some one has said is full of "resolute sweetness." + +I remember once having to pass a bitter hour of waiting in the +drawing-room of a physician well known for his high culture. Every +picture in the room was a work of art, but every one was solemn and even +severe. Dante, Savonarola, the tombs of the Medici, etc., etc., afforded +no escape from sad thoughts. The only relief was in the sweet serenity +of Emerson's face, and even in this instance the most severe of all the +portraits had been chosen. There was not one point of color in any of +the pictures, but indeed most of us cannot afford paintings that are +good for anything, so I could not quarrel with that. + +For a daily companion I would rather have a Raphael than a Michael +Angelo, and though for love I would slip in a Millet or two, I should +not want a room full of Millets. + + +The heavy furniture of a home should be comfortable first of all. The +chairs should not all be of the same size and height any more than the +people. Arm-chairs are better than rocking-chairs, as they are less in +the way. The furniture should not be light enough to be easily +overturned, but the castors should always run easily. A lounge is a +homelike piece of furniture, but let us hope it need not be much used. + +A word more to the young woman who is choosing furniture for half a +life-time. Fancy you have it to dust! You may have an army of servants, +but certain patterns of furniture can never be kept clean. I remember +two friends who chose furniture at the same time. It was the era of +black walnut and green rep, and they chose sets looking much alike. But +in one case the walnut was elaborately carved,--by machinery, which made +it all the rougher,--and there were many little grooves to invite the +dust in the upholstery; while in the other case the wood was simply +moulded and polished, and the cloth was so put on that one or two +vigorous strokes of a brush would cleanse it. It is true that heavy wood +carved by hand is beautiful enough to repay us for its care, but that +being smoothly finished does not catch very much dust. + + +The evening should be the crown of the day in a home. There are few +homes where the evenings are as homelike as they could easily be. This +is partly because there are so many outside attractions both in the city +and country. Now I am not of those who think it praiseworthy to be +always at home. I was told the other day of a steady young man who had +not been out an evening in three years. I felt no enthusiasm about him. +I think outside interests are absolutely necessary for any fresh or +large life. But I think when we find ourselves going out as many as half +our evenings, we are really dissipated, unless the circumstances are of +a very unusual character, for we need as many as three or four evenings +in a week to develop true home life. But in stay-at-home families, +though the evenings are pleasant, I think they are seldom ideal. The +reason for this is that the days are so crowded. The father and mother +are tired, and, moreover, the father has no other time to read his +unnecessarily voluminous newspaper, and the mother has no other time to +do her unnecessarily elaborate sewing, while the children generally have +lessons to study. Even then, a cosy room, with plenty of fire and light, +where all the family meet together and feel no restraint, is a cheerful +though a silent place. And we cannot all escape overwork however +valiantly we fight our battle with non-essentials. Those who work ten +hours in a factory, for example, have very little space for the other +essentials of life, and there must be crowding. But some of us could +simplify the day and so find room for unmitigated enjoyment in the +evening. Sometimes sewing is pleasant in itself when cheerful +conversation or reading is going on about us. I suppose the mother's +work-basket will usually form an attractive nucleus in any home picture, +and if there is not too much or too anxious sewing, I believe most +women like it. And a moderate newspaper need not monopolize a whole +evening. There are occasionally times when a careless child should be +made to study a lesson at night. But the ideal evening at home is +social, and its occupations are such that all can join in them. For +myself I believe very fully in reading aloud. But in any household happy +enough to consist of father, mother, and children, any book read aloud +ought to be one which has some interest for all. The father and mother +may both be intensely interested in the philosophy of Hegel, but I +should not like to think they would ask the children to be quiet that +they might read it aloud to each other. Books of travel, biography, +novels, and poetry, appeal to all but the very young members of the +family who ought to be in bed betimes. Of course the children do not +take in everything in such books, but that is not necessary. If they +only understand enough for enjoyment, it is a healthful stimulus to meet +with something they do not understand. Perhaps the father and mother +will say regretfully that they have no other time for their special +studies. In the end the light literature may do them as much good as +solid work, but even if it does not, they can better lose something +themselves in intellectual development while their brood of children is +about them than to miss the full rounding of their home life. If they +live long, they will have too many quiet hours by themselves. In many +families, however, the youngsters are more ready for solid reading than +the older people. It is often the elder sister who has to give up her +German and science to read travels and stories to her parents as well as +to the children. + +Drawing, fancy work, sewing, and whittling can all go on without +disturbing the reading, or a tired mother can lie on the lounge and +listen; but if any one must sit idle, reading may grow tedious, though +good plays in which each can take his part are generally enjoyed. I was +once in a home in Switzerland where the family spent most of the +evenings in reading Racine, Moliere, and Corneille. + + +No home is complete without music. Even a large piano which has seen its +best days does not seem to be altogether a cumberer of the ground where +another equally bulky piece of furniture would be unendurable. But +unless some member of the family has decided musical ability, the best +use of a piano or organ in a home is to sustain the uncertain voices in +singing. Home singing is almost a necessity even where no one sings very +well. I should not wish to encourage the unmusical to display their +voices outside their own doors; but if half a dozen members of a family +are able to "carry a tune," and one of them can play a simple +accompaniment correctly, I think the singing of fine hymns and pleasant +ballads at home will prove most delightful to them all, besides bearing +good fruit morally and physically. A family happy enough to have a +little higher endowment, and a little more cultivation, so that one +plays a violin, one a flute, and so on, may have a little private +orchestra which may give as much enjoyment, and, all things considered, +may be as elevating, as the perfect work of great musicians. It seems to +me that any father and mother who wish the home to be dear to their +children can afford to spend money on music far better than on many +things considered more essential--clothes for, example. + +But all the family circle ought be able to join in the evening +occupations. If only one is a musician, but a small part of each evening +can be given to music. On the other hand, I have no mercy for the young +lady who has had time and money lavished on her musical education, who +will not take the trouble to play to her brothers in the evening. If she +distrusts her powers she need never play to other people who may ask her +out of compliment; but when brothers ask their sisters to play, they +mean that they want the music, and they should have it. + +Chatting is pleasant in the evening, and does not interfere with a dozen +other occupations. One can even read a newspaper or a novel while the +rest are talking. Little twilight chats by the fire when the children +confess their misdemeanors to their mother, or when the mother tells +stories to the children, are full of the spirit of home, and there +always ought to be some leisurely hours in every family when the father +and mother and the grandfather and grandmother can relate old +experiences to the younger generation. If the older people would only +remember to tell these tales for the sake of the younger and not to +gratify their own garrulity, so that they would dwell more on the events +and customs and people of the past which ought to have a permanent +interest, I believe such chat would always be of the highest value, and +that the young would like it as well as the old; but when it is mere +gossip about people long dead the young have a right to be restless. +There is always danger that chat will degenerate into gossip, so it is +not generally best to have too many evenings devoted entirely to +conversation. + +The right kind of reading and music seem to me far better occupations +for home evenings than games. There is too much hard work in chess and +whist and too little sociability to make them in any way desirable. +Euchre and backgammon seem invented to pass away time, which is so +precious to most of us that we should like to feel we had something at +the end of an hour by which our lives were richer than at the beginning. +Yet games have their place. Young-people have their times of liking +them. If they really enjoy them and play with thorough good temper, +they get true recreation from them, and all innocent enjoyment has a +moral effect as valuable as the intellectual effect of a good book. So a +mother who wishes to make a true home for her children will not grudge +whole evenings spent in games which would be unspeakably wearisome to +her if played with people of her own age; indeed, the chances are she +will thoroughly enjoy such evenings, and be as interested in capping +verses or asking twenty questions as any of the youngsters, while if she +is a worn and anxious mother, such simple pastime may be the best +refreshment. I believe there is less to be said in favor of cards than +of other games, but I often think of the words of a friend, "We are +strict people," she said, "but when the boys were growing up and began +to be wild for cards, we played regularly every evening till they were +tired of it, and I think they did not care to play elsewhere." + + +If a home is to be ideal, it must contain a father and mother and +children. A lonely man or woman who is so unfortunate as not to have +this ideal home should, I think, try to find as many of its elements as +possible. A man should not live altogether at his club, and it is a pity +for a woman to live permanently with women alone. And a home is so +incomplete without children that it seems almost necessary that every +childless man or woman should adopt one or two. Unfortunately this is +often impossible, and then it becomes the more essential to seek for a +boarding-place where we may get a little of the cheer of other people's +children and at the same time practice some of the virtues which +children always call out in older people. No home is truly homelike in +which there is not a large hospitality. I have so much to say on this +head that I must leave it for another chapter. + + +I have said little about the qualities of character which make a happy +home. Beyond a loving nature, on which all the others rest, I know of +nothing more essential than a serene temper. Let a woman be "mistress of +herself, though china fall." The daily temptations to irritation are +incessant, and irritability will destroy the comfort of any home, even +if it is well warmed and lighted and furnished with easy-chairs and +sofas, even if everybody is high minded and ready to take part in +refined pleasures, and even if room is made in the family circle for a +host of agreeable friends. + + + + +XI. + +HOSPITALITY. + + +No home is genuine which is not also hospitable. Just as we must go out +to get fresh life, we must welcome fresh life which comes in to us. And +further than that it would be a poor nature which found no one to love +outside the home circle. If we love any one we wish to share our life +with our friend. + +But it is impossible to be hospitable except by welcoming our visitors +to our every-day life. If we depart much from our usual customs, our +freedom is checked, and the visit becomes a burden, willingly borne, +perhaps, for the time, but sure to be felt if often laid upon us. + +A friend, well known in literary circles, inviting me to visit her in a +Western city through which I was to pass on my way to another State +wrote, "You must stay more than a day or two, for, if not, I shall have +to give up my time to you, and I can't interrupt my daily work! I go +into my library at nine o'clock every morning and stay till two. But in +the afternoon I drive, and when in the evening my husband comes home +from business and my children from school I give myself up to my +family." + +Upon this invitation I determined to stay a week. "You must not come +into my library in the morning unless I invite you," said my friend +laughing; "but there is another library adjoining your room where I +shall not venture to disturb you without leave!" + +I remember a home which opened very hospitable doors to me when I was a +young girl,--that of a widow with two young daughters. They were in +straitened circumstances, and could not effectively heat the large and +handsome house left by the father of the family. "I ask you to come in +the winter, my dear," the lady used to say to me, "because you live in +the country and can sleep comfortably in a cold room: I ask my city +friends to come in the summer." That, I think, showed a true spirit of +hospitality. She gave what she had to those who could enjoy it. I shall +never forget the cosy afternoons I have passed in her warm sitting-room, +while one read aloud and the rest did fancy work, or sometimes the +plainest of sewing. We read novels, some first rate, some second, or +even third rate, without a thought of getting any benefit from them. But +we chatted and laughed and enjoyed ourselves. Or sometimes some of us +would go into town to a matinee, and coming home tingling with cold +would find a hot and savory supper awaiting us in the bright +dining-room, prepared by those who had stayed at home, and who were +eager to hear everything about the play which we were eager to tell. +There was no servant to trouble us, and we all enjoyed ourselves +together in washing the dishes. We sat up as long as we pleased and +toasted our feet, and in zero weather even wrapped up a hot brick to +take to our chilly beds. + +But this lady was not without ambition. She wished she could entertain +more as other people did. She thought she ought to give some parties, +especially as she liked to go to other people's entertainments. And so, +on one occasion, she did give a party. It was a grand affair. The whole +house was set in order and decorated. Caterers came from the city, and +her tables were beautifully laid with exactly the same salads and cakes +that she was in the habit of eating at other houses. Her cards of +invitation were of the choicest style, and her house was filled with +fashionable people, since, in spite of her reduced circumstances, she +had a perfectly assured position in society, and there was also a +respectable number of unfashionable people present, for she was too +truly hospitable to leave out anybody she liked. She was a skillful +manager, and succeeded in carrying through her undertaking for half the +expense usual in such a case; but it cost her sleepless nights. Of +course, "The labor we delight in physics pain," and I am sure she +thoroughly enjoyed her grand party which everybody said was perfect in +all its appointments. Nevertheless, her bills amounted to one sixth of +the yearly income of the family, so that she never gave another party +till later in life, when fortune suddenly smiled upon her again and put +her in possession of a million. I do not condemn her party, but merely +use it to point my statement that we cannot often exercise hospitality +except as we admit our friends to our daily life. + +A friend of mine who was making a tour of the South bethought her of a +cousin in New Orleans whom she had not seen since the war. She wrote to +her, "I am going to New Orleans for a week or two and wish you might +find me a boarding-place near you, so that I could see you as well as +the sights." The Southern cousin at once replied with a cordial +invitation that the Northern cousin should visit her. The Northerner had +no idea of making a convenience of her almost unknown relative, and +declined; but the Southerner insisted that the visit would be a real +favor to herself. "That is," she added, "if you can be comfortable in +the way we live." The Northerner could hardly refuse longer, but having +certain fastidious ideas, she was rather startled on reaching New +Orleans to find that her cousin's family, in which there were eight +children, lived in a house of five rooms! She felt, in spite of her +precautions, she must be an intruder. But the husband of her cousin said +sweetly, "Where there is room in the heart, there is room in the +house," and she stayed, and had one of the most delightful experiences +of her life. + +I am afraid few Northerners judged by this standard can be said to have +"room in the heart," though I remember gratefully a minister's family in +Massachusetts who lived in a little house and with narrow means, and yet +received with bright smiles all their friends from the towns around who +chose to stay with them. A brother minister would drive over with his +whole family and stay a few days, and no one ever suggested there was +not room for everybody. All the young collegiate cousins took this home +in their way on their vacation tramps, and brought with them as many of +their classmates as chose to come, never thinking it necessary to give +any warning of their approach. I have known as many as a dozen young +cousins to be gathered in the house at one time, the boys from Yale and +Amherst, girls from New York and Philadelphia, or from quiet country +boarding-schools,--one indeed came all the way from London,--and they +enjoyed themselves as much as the visitors in an English country-house. +They did not "ride to the meet," of course, or attend a county ball; but +they went blackberrying together, and they sang songs, and played duets, +and had games of croquet, and read French, and acted Shakespeare under +the apple-trees; they climbed a mountain, and rowed on the pond, and +took long botanical expeditions. The minister's wife was herself a +delectable cook, but she must have wrinkled her brow many a time in +planning how to get enough bread and butter to go round even with the +aid of the blackberries, and some of the young fellows had to sleep on +the hay in the barn, though happily they had a natural bath-tub provided +in a stream among the bushes behind the house. + +The achievement of this hostess is the more notable because she was a +New England housekeeper, and her standard of neatness was high. If she +had attempted anything but the simplest manner of entertainment she +would certainly have had nervous prostration. But her simplicity of +living saved her, and she is still hale and hearty, though she has +passed the limit of threescore and ten. + +A friend who has lived much at the South, in speaking of the beautiful +hospitality for which Southerners are distinguished, says that it comes +partly from their easy way of taking life. They do not think it +necessary to put the house in order because guests are coming, but let +the guests take them as they find them. More than that, they are less +given to "pursuits" than Northerners, and so less easily disturbed. + +Believing, however, in the value of "pursuits," I have been interested +in observing the manner of hospitality in a family among my friends. The +family consists of the father, mother, and three grown-up daughters. +All the daughters are earning their own living, and the mother is much +occupied in household cares. It is a highly intellectual family. All are +readers and keep abreast of the literature of the day. Beyond that, one +or another of them is always studying German, or French, or history, or +mineralogy, or taking up some social reform. Two of them find time to +write acceptably for magazines. It would seem as if they could not have +much leisure to entertain friends, yet their great rambling house, which +stands in the midst of a shady old-fashioned yard and garden just +outside the city, is seldom without a guest or two, and there never was +a place where a tired soul and body could find sweeter rest. A cup and +plate at table and a bed to sleep in are provided for the visitor, and +so far there is not much trouble. The family meet at the table,--when +convenient,--and there is plenty of delightful chat. One or another is +often at leisure for a walk or a row or some other pastime, but no one +appears to feel it necessary to give up any of her ordinary occupations +for the sake of the visitor. I consider myself rather a particular +friend of three of the family, yet I have often passed a Sunday there +without seeing more than one of the three. The others had something to +do on their own account. One of them, tired with her week's work, likes +to rest all day in her own room. Another is an ardent Episcopalian, and +wishes to follow all the church services from early morning through the +evening. As there are so many agreeable people in the family one is not +often obliged to be alone, but when left alone the sense of home comfort +is only increased. There are plenty of lounges and easy-chairs; the +large, comfortable tables are strewn with all the latest magazines; the +bookcases are full of readable books, and the young ladies all have +their individual collections of Soule's photographs, which are well +worth lounging over. The fires are always bright within, and the long +windows opening everywhere on piazzas and balconies command extensive +and beautiful views. The rooms are sweet with flowers in winter, and the +gardens are fragrant in summer. One can lounge and read all day, or take +a walk, or do a dozen other things. The cheerful, interesting +conversation at table, and in the odds and ends of time through the day, +would be sufficient stimulus to all but the most exacting guests; while, +as a matter of fact, there are always a few hours in the evening when +everybody seems to be at leisure, and these form the social centre of +the day. For my part I would much rather be entertained in this way than +to have my footsteps dogged all day by some well-meaning and +self-sacrificing devotee who tries conscientiously to amuse me. + +One of the most hospitable homes I ever knew was made by two young +ladies in Boston. One of them was a country girl of genius and +refinement who came to the city to do literary work. Here she formed a +friendship with another young lady who liked to pass most of the time in +Boston for the sake of its advantages in music, art, and the theatre. +Neither was rich, but together they had a very respectable income. They +found a nice little flat of six convenient rooms in an accessible and +pleasant but unfashionable street, and furnished it with exactly the +things they wanted to use every day. The furnishings were thus simple, +but they combined comfort and beauty, for both the young ladies had +excellent taste. I am tempted to describe all their original and +charming arrangements, only that would lead me too far. I will only +speak of their hospitality which was perfect. They gave no parties nor +even afternoon teas. How could they without a servant? Indeed, though +they had the luxury of getting their own breakfast in their sitting-room +at any hour of the day when they liked to eat it, they were too much in +the habit of eating their dinner at any restaurant near which they might +happen to be when they were hungry to have inaugurated any extensive +housekeeping. Moreover, they could see their city friends whenever they +chose for an hour or two at a time without the trouble of providing a +feast or a band of music. They always had bread and butter and fruit and +various appetizing knickknacks stored away, so that if a caller stayed +till any one was hungry a sufficient lunch could be served on the spot. + +But they exercised their hospitality chiefly for the benefit of their +country friends whom they could not otherwise see. Many a nice old lady +or bright young girl passed a week with them, who would otherwise have +hurried through her season's shopping in a day and have had no time left +for music or pictures. Most of these friends could amuse themselves very +well through the day. If they did not know the way about, one of the +hostesses conducted them to the libraries or museums as she went her own +way to her daily occupation. There was always bread and cheese for them +to eat if they chose, and if they cared for something more they could +find it at a restaurant as their entertainers did, or they could cook it +for themselves in the hospitable little kitchen. A folding bed could +always be let down for them at night, and in times of stress another bed +could be made on the sofa. + +The hostesses spent little money or thought or time on their guests, +except so far as they really wanted to do so, and yet they entertained +great numbers of people most satisfactorily. They did not ask anybody to +visit them from a sense of duty, but they always asked everybody they +fancied they should like to see without a thought as to convenience, +because it always was convenient to have anybody they liked with them. +We know that men enjoy giving invitations in this free way, but they +seldom have the power--for two reasons; either their wives are not +satisfied to entertain the friends of their husbands in simple every-day +fashion, or the husbands themselves are not satisfied to have them so +entertained. + +Every one knows the great difference between city and country +hospitality. Very few people in the city appear to be really pleased to +see an uninvited guest, and they are far less likely to invite guests, +except perhaps when giving a party, than those of the same means in the +country. They are not altogether to blame in this. There are so many +more people to see in the city than in the country that every one +becomes a new burden, and the friendship must be very close indeed that +survives such a strain. But I fear it is also true that in the city the +non-essentials of life have undue weight. + + + + +XII. + +BRIC-A-BRAC. + + +Our lives are clogged with _bric-a-brac_. Every separate article in a +room may be pretty in itself, and yet the room may be hideous through +overcrowding with objects which have no meaning. + +The disease of _bric-a-brac_ I think, is due to two influences,--the +desire of uncreative minds to create beauty, and the mania for giving +Christmas presents. Both these influences have a noble source, and will +probably reach more beautiful results at last. Any mind awake to beauty +must try to create it, and if its power and originality are not very +great, what can it do better than to apply itself to humble, every-day +trifles and try to decorate them? This is certainly right, if the old +principle of architecture is always remembered: "Decorate construction, +do not construct decoration." A few illustrations of my meaning may be +needed. + +I am obliged to use blotting-paper when I write. I have always been +grateful to a friend who sent me a beautiful blue blotting book, with a +bunch of white clover charmingly painted on the first page. It gives me +pleasure every time I write a letter. I am glad that one of my friends +was artistic enough to embroider some fine handkerchiefs for me with a +beautiful initial. One of my dearest possessions is the lining for a +bureau drawer made of pale blue silk, with scented wadding tied in with +knots of narrow white ribbon. This lies in the bottom of the drawer, and +owing to the kindness of my friends shown at various times, I am able to +lay upon the top of each pile of underclothing either a handkerchief +case or a scent bag of blue silk or satin. Some of these trifles are +corded with heavy silk, some are embroidered with rosebuds, some are +ornamented with bows of ribbon, and altogether they make the drawer a +"thing of beauty" which to me personally "is a joy forever," and they +are never in anybody's way. + +My friend has been less fortunate in the tributes of affection she has +received. She has several elaborate and even pretty ties which she is +obliged to append to her sofas and easy-chairs. They are believed to add +to the harmony of coloring in her sitting-room, but they are very likely +to be askew when the sofas and easy-chairs are in use; and as they +always have to be rearranged during the process of dusting, they form an +argument for delaying that duty as long as possible. She also has +several head-rests and foot-rests, in which the embroidery is exquisite +in itself, but which are so ill-contrived that they afford no rest to +either head or foot. "They are worth having, though," she says, +"because of their beauty, just as a picture is worth having though you +cannot use it." "Yes," replies her husband, "they are worth having, but +not worth having in the way. I do not want even the Sistine Madonna +propped up in my easy-chair." Most of her friends are learning to paint, +and many of them have chosen to give her at Christmas specimens of their +progress mounted on pasteboard easels. These cover the tables and +mantels and brackets of her sitting-room. "Ah!" she says softly, under +her breath, "if they had only thought to paint book-marks instead One +can never have enough book-marks. It would be delightful to have one in +every book in the library, and the more beautiful the better, while the +ugly ones, which perhaps come from our dearest friends, would be blessed +for their usefulness besides being unobtrusive." + +Sweet temper is certainly essential to a happy home; but if my friend +were not too sweet tempered to hide these offerings from constant sight, +her sitting-room would not be so exasperating a place. There is no room +for a work-basket or a book on the tables. One is continually upsetting +some frail structure, or tumbling over some well-meant aesthetic +convenience. + +Christmas presents are worse than any others. Even a hideous and useless +gift offered at any other season may be acceptable, and we need not +grudge it room, because being spontaneous, it represents love. But even +the most genuine Christmas presents are becoming subject to the +suspicion that they are given from a sense of duty, because gifts at +that season have become a habit. I have no reason to suppose that any of +my numerous kind friends grudge the Christmas presents they so +generously give me; but I often find myself wondering how many of them +would think of giving me anything as often as once a year if there were +no special date to recall the custom to their minds. + +Gifts would be far more likely to be spontaneous if they were never +given regularly; if, for instance, we avoided giving anything next +Christmas to anybody whom we had remembered this year--excepting always +to little children, to servants, and to the poor--the three classes to +whom we never venture to give _bric-a-brac_, knowing well they would +laugh us to scorn instead of flattering us by calling our contributions +"perfectly lovely." Now, when a gift is spontaneous, its value is quite +irrespective of its use, but at the same time it is far more likely to +be both beautiful and useful. We read a book that moves us. How we wish +we could share it with one friend who particularly enjoys such a book! +We send it to her, and it is exactly the thing she wants. On the other +hand, Christmas is approaching. What shall we give our friend? She likes +books. Well, then, here is a prettily bound volume which is well spoken +of. We have no time to look farther, and we send it to her. She thanks +us in a pretty note, but is too busy in writing a hundred notes of +thanks to read the book then. It is laid by and perhaps forgotten. + +We are making another friend an informal visit. We see that her +needle-book is getting shabby. We hasten to get bits of kid and silk and +flannel, and make her a new one with our daintiest stitches, and she is +delighted. She uses it every day, and likes to remember that we thought +of her comfort. But what shall we give her for Christmas? We think she +has everything. We have too many friends to remember now, for time for +such a dainty piece of sewing. Let us buy her some kind of an ornament. +It is true that the French clock and the vases and the match receivers +and two or three pictures on easels already crowd the mantel-piece, but +there is an odd little bronze image which would not be amiss among them. +It costs rather more than we can afford to pay, but we love her, and +wish to give her something, and are at our wits' end to know what. She +receives it graciously, and every time she dusts her ornaments she +remembers us affectionately. "I don't grudge dusting this," she says +sweetly to herself, "for my dear friend gave it to me, and I would do a +great deal more than this for her." Of course, in a family where a +servant dusts, the present is forgotten the moment it is placed on the +shelf. + +I remember the dearest of little girls who once made me a Christmas +present of a purse of her own embroidering. The colors she chose were +brilliant, but hardly beautiful; the material rather flimsy, the sewing +was far beyond criticism, and if I had ever been rash enough to intrust +any money to such a purse, I should have returned home penniless. But I +was enchanted with the gift. I shall keep it as long as I live wrapped +in the crumpled tissue paper in which this darling child folded it in +her wish to make it look as attractive as possible. I can never even +think of this gift without fancying the tiny unskillful fingers as they +toilsomely labored over those silks that would catch and twist, and I +think of the sweet brow and eyes which bent over the work, and am as +sure as if I had seen it of the loving smile which hovered about the +childish lips at the thought that she was going to give me a pleasant +surprise. + +But as this little maiden grew up the cares of Christmas multiplied. +There came a time when she had money to spend, and a host of friends to +spend it upon, and when she certainly had not time personally to conduct +the making of the number of Christmas presents she thought necessary to +bestow. She was much too loyal to leave me out on this occasion, and if +I were to judge of the degree of her affection by the proportion of her +money which she spent upon me, she must have regarded me still as one +of her dearest friends. She gave me a pair of exquisite cut glass vases, +which, when placed in the sunshine, were certainly most beautiful with +the flashing of colors. Their outline too was a lovely curve, but +unfortunately such that it was impossible to put any flowers in the +vases. At the base they were too slender to receive even one rose-stalk, +while they were so broad at the top that it would have required a whole +nosegay to fill them. If I had had a vast empty drawing-room which was +to be filled with _bric-a-brac_, I could have found a place for them; +but they were too delicate for my tiny parlor where there is so little +elbow-room that slight things are in danger of being overturned. Of +course I prize the vases and love the giver, but I know she never would +have given them to me but for the feeling that the time had come to make +a present; and so, while I shall cherish the little purse as long as I +live, I have resolved that if the vases are ever broken, I will not +treasure the fragments. + +From these two roots, the love of creating beauty and the desire to +express love for our friends on the same day of every year, such +luxuriant vines have grown that unless we prune them carefully we are in +danger of being completely entangled by them. There are still, perhaps, +some waste places which our useless _bric-a-brac_ might make beautiful, +and if we know any bare homes, let us by all means do something to +brighten them; but let us not make for ourselves or give to our friends +any small article which does not express use as well as beauty. We need +not be at a loss if we remember Oscar Wilde's declaration that every +article used in a house should be something which had given pleasure to +the maker, that is, that it should be artistic. When all useful +_bric-a-brac_ has become beautiful, we shall no longer desire to make or +possess beautiful _bric-a-brac_ which is not useful. Of course I know +that "Beauty is its own excuse for being," and I see in a fine picture, +for instance, an appeal to the higher faculties which is more useful +than usefulness. This I do not see in _bric-a-brac_, certainly not if +the objects are to be so crowded in a small room that no one can see +anything more than prettiness in them. Instead of my beautiful vases +with their shifting lights, which do, after all, give me real pleasure +sometimes when I am not too anxious lest I should break them, cut glass +tumblers would have given me the same aesthetic enjoyment renewed at +every meal. I might break a tumbler to be sure, but I should have the +full enjoyment of it while it lasted. + + + + +XIII. + +EMOTIONAL WOMEN. + + +A highly emotional young lady was once defending the reasoning powers of +her sex at the dinner-table of a cultivated and fair-minded physician +who finally took occasion to say sweetly to her: "No doubt the reason of +women equals that of men; but I believe the trouble is that all men like +a woman a little better if she is governed by feeling rather than by +reason." + +"Oh," said the young lady in a glow, "that is like saying that you would +a little rather a woman would not be truthful!" + +"I hope not," said the physician. + +The friend who told me the anecdote added that of the two young ladies +who were at the time members of the physician's family, there was no +question that he greatly preferred the one who was most reasonable and +least emotional! + +Some one else tells me of a clever young lady who applied for a position +as dramatic critic upon a newspaper. The editor recognized her ability +and her knowledge of the drama, but he said he was afraid to employ a +woman in such a department, lest her feelings should prevent her +telling the exact truth. She would be biased herself, and praise the +things she liked, and then she would have her personal favorites among +the actors. The young lady who believed herself capable of justice was +greatly hurt. + +Are women really excessively emotional? And if so, is it well that they +should be? + +I suppose most people would agree that women are more emotional than +men, and that this peculiarity comes in a great measure from their +delicate physical organization, and in a great measure from the +encouragement they get from men in indulging their feelings. Nobody +admires a woman when her emotions reach the point of hysteria, and, in +fact, those who have encouraged her up to that point are often least +patient with her when the crisis comes. The general belief about +hysteria is that it is caused by the culpable weakness of a selfish +nature, and that is often true. But there are important exceptional +cases becoming more and more numerous, where the parents have cultivated +what they and their friends consider fine feelings so assiduously that +the poor child is born helplessly weak and nervous, and a prey to every +vibration in the spiritual atmosphere about her. + +Now what are _fine_ feelings? Jealousy, envy, hatred, and others of that +class are not fine, and yet they are extremely common among those women +who are sensitive and highly organized. They do belong more frequently +than we sometimes think to the outfit of an emotional woman. A woman who +would not hurt a fly has violent antipathies to excellent people. She +would not hurt them either. She would delight in giving them food and +clothing if they were in want. She wishes she need not hurt their +feelings, but she usually does give pain, because her own feelings are +paramount. The important point however is that she is unjust in her +judgments. She exaggerates the faults of her foes, as well as the +virtues of her friends, and widens every breach. + +But we all know that jealousy and envy and hatred are wrong, even if we +endeavor to dignify them with finer names, and all of us who have any +moral purpose do make our stand against them. + +When, therefore, we speak in praise of a woman's emotional nature, we +are thinking of a nature in which generosity swallows up justice, and +duty is forgotten, because "love is an unerring law." We cannot be too +generous, or too loving, or too sensitive to beauty and honor. + +But men are as generous and loving as women, so, after all, we do have +something a little different from this in our minds when we speak of the +emotional nature of women. Do we not mean that a woman is unreasonable? + +Love can never be too great, but it is often unwise. All affectionate +women who have reached middle age must have received many confidences +from girls who have been mistaken in supposing themselves loved by men +who have grown tired of them. A girl often suffers intensely in such a +case, and it is hard to know how much is due to wounded love, and how +much to wounded pride. I suppose most of us have been astonished to see +how often when a girl's life seems both to herself and her friends to +have been utterly wrecked she is capable of responding to a new lover, +and if he proves to be a fine man, how full and fine her own life +becomes. This is right, and most natural to the most emotional natures, +that is, to those which answer most readily to outside influences. Yet +we all have a feeling that sudden and frequent changes of this kind show +a shallow character, and girls sometimes make a pathetic struggle to +resist new possibilities of happiness, because they cannot bear to admit +that the old love can die. + +The weakness of character in this case comes from the being ready to +love any one who will make us the central figure without regard to any +more solid foundation. Such love comes from vanity and is good for +nothing. A girl cannot be too careful to guard against such an emotion. + +And then, why should a woman cease to love a man simply because she is +disappointed to find that he does not love her? Many times the fault is +her own. She has believed he loved her because she wished to believe +so. But if she has loved him because he was worth being loved, she has a +right to cherish that love even when she knows it is hopeless, provided +she does not hurt other people. I think it is happily not often that an +altogether hopeless love continues long in full vigor, but occasionally +it does. If the old lover marries, the woman who cannot conquer her love +certainly ought to separate herself as far from him as possible. Any +fine theory of being able to be a silent providence in his life is sure +to prove fallacious, and to bring suffering to somebody. And it is not +best for her to say much to her own friends of her sorrow. She either +pains them or tires them. Any love which causes her to do this is +unreasonable. I suspect that some women find their love slipping away +from them and try to hold it fast by the expedient of talking about it. +No love that has to be held in that way is worth keeping. There are +loves we should cherish just as there are others which we ought to cast +out, but nothing is real which cannot be retained except by making +ourselves a burden to other people. + +Another unreasonable love is that which a woman feels for a man who has +really treated her dishonorably. It is true that we do not love simply +for merit. There are sympathies between men and women as between parents +and children with which merit has little to do. One great reason that +emotional women attract men is because they can make a hero out of such +unheroic stuff. And why should we try always to see the exact reality as +if that were nearer the truth than the same reality transfigured by +ideal light? The more we believe in others, the better and happier we +all are. A man full of faults, selfish, and even vicious, may be helped +by a woman who trusts him. But when he has forsaken her, it is not often +that she can be of much real service to him. She must indeed forgive +him, but when she has genuinely forgiven him, the glamour of love will +usually have disappeared. If she insists upon shutting herself up from +other love for his sake, she should question herself as to the part +sentimentality and perversity bear in her character. + +Most of the best work done in the world is done in the face of what seem +to be insurmountable difficulties. Our faith moves mountains. An +impossible duty is done. The fact that women ignore the impossibility is +their strongest power. This, I suppose, is what the physician meant when +he said that men liked a woman a little better if she was not always +governed by reason. "Love believeth all things, hopeth all things, +endureth all things." We all like to have such love as that lavished +upon us. It is a noble love which glorifies the object by keeping in +view all the time the ideal which is to be some day realized. It is +something very different from the weak love which distorts the object +simply because of its personal connection with us. But no doubt women +who are weakly emotional in this way do have a great attraction for men, +that is, so long as the man himself is an object of their emotions. Such +women are pretty sure to have lovers when better and more unselfish +women are overlooked. They do not wear very well, and men tire of them, +especially when they exercise their emotions in new fields; and as wives +(after marriage) and sisters and mothers they prefer the quieter and +less impassioned women. But the great and ardent loves which influence a +life still belong to the women of ardent feelings. + +Ardent feelings well controlled,--that is our ideal; but how few women +of strong feelings do control them well, and how few who have perfect +self-control have very strong feelings! + +Which shall we choose, the strong feelings or the self-control? We have +not complete choice in the matter, for we must begin with the +temperament we are born with. Others may choose to love or hate us for +the temperament we are not responsible for, but what can we do for +ourselves? + +I believe the hardest task is that of the cool-blooded women. How are +they to make themselves feel without becoming hypocrites? Pretending to +feel any emotion is no help in feeling it. Nevertheless, we are not +entirely helpless. There are ways of nourishing noble germs of feeling +even when the natural soil is cold and dry. + +One way is to clear the ground of weeds. A cool nature is sometimes +peculiarly prone to envy and suspicion. A woman with little love of her +fellow-creatures sits alone in her home day after day, and thinks of her +own troubles and the shortcomings of her neighbors till it seems +impossible to love anybody but herself. Such emotions as stir the dull +current of her life are all selfish. But if she has the one saving +virtue of being able to perceive her narrowness, the remedy is in her +own hands. For she can go out and speak to somebody, and even a passing +greeting sometimes sets the blood flowing afresh. And there is always +somebody she can help, though, it may be only a child who is in some +trifling difficulty. Every act of this kind makes another easier, and +every such act nourishes the little germ of love in the heart. I have no +doubt that persistence in doing small kindnesses for every one about her +would be potent enough to transform the coldest of us into a woman +glowing with love. Yet I cannot say I have ever seen such a +transformation. I suppose that is because the cold nature does not +perceive its coldness or desire to change. Still there are surely some +of us who know that love in us is only a stunted plant, and who do +sincerely desire its more luxuriant growth. Those of us who have ardent +feelings towards our friends know that we are often worse than cold +towards those we do not fancy. We sometimes, alas, take a certain pride +in our sensitiveness in this particular. We justify our hatred for +uncongenial people till we have fairly faced the truth that love is the +law of our being, and that we _must_ love our neighbor. Then, though we +cannot change our temperament, yet by the doing of prosaic duties, the +germ of love may be made to bud and blossom. At least do not let us +allow the turmoil of every-day affairs to crowd out love. We have not +time to see our friend. A letter written to us with love and care is +hastily skimmed and thrown aside. We do not answer it for many weeks, +and then our haste is our apology for saying nothing we really care for. +And by and by the love grows faint. Perhaps our friend dies, and the +package of affectionate letters we once saved as precious lies forgotten +in a drawer. Our friend did not fail us, we should love her just as +dearly again if we were with her daily, but the love has been crowded +out. + +Now, some of us are really overtasked with necessary work; but usually +our hurry comes from our ambition or our indolence. If love were really +first with us, we should find time for our friends. + +But some of us are so placed that we are continually meeting new people +whom we can warmly love. Now there is a limit to the number of people +who can form a part of our daily life. It is possible to love a hundred +people dearly, but it is not possible to talk intimately with a hundred +people every day, or to write a hundred affectionate letters every week. +But because we cannot cling closely to so many, let us not believe that +we cannot cling closely to a few. Let us at least hold fast to a few +friends, and without trying to form a part of the lives of the rest meet +them all warmly when we do meet. We cannot love too much or too many +people, and loving one helps us to love another, but we can only fully +give ourselves to a few. + + +I seem to be speaking altogether of nourishing emotion, and we ought to +nourish noble emotions. But the task set especially to women is to +control less noble emotions. We know well enough what is our duty in +regard to jealousy, envy, and so forth, though so many of us who mean to +be good women do not make a very heroic struggle even here, and perhaps +justify our weakness by the plea that our feelings are strong. + +I will therefore speak particularly of some of our failings which lean +to virtue's side. What is it, for instance, to be a sensitive woman? The +highest women are exquisitely sensitive, they respond to beauty, to +love, to truth, and goodness instantly. But suppose they also tremble at +ugliness, and shrink from pain? The two kinds of sensitiveness do often +exist together. The perfect woman would follow the example of Christ +and look through outward ugliness and suffering to inward beauty and +goodness, and would keep herself unspotted from the world not by +shrinking from it, but by helping it upward. + +But as we are imperfect, our sensitiveness shows itself most frequently +in making us feel every jar to our pride and vanity. And we make a +virtue of this. We ought to guard ourselves against such sensitiveness. +It is a fault which lies very deep. It is almost impossible for a _very_ +sensitive woman to be just. In fancying wrong to herself she imputes +wrong to everybody about her. In trying to shield herself she wounds +others. She fears a slight was intended, and rather than submit to it, +deliberately hurts some one who she knows may be innocent. Would it not +be better to believe that the person who has hurt her is innocent, and +submit to the slight even if it was intended? What harm can it do her to +think a guilty person innocent? And what harm can a slight do her? But +it always does harm to stoop to an ignoble feeling. + +Let us at least be just. But the special accusation against women is +that they are not just, and sometimes their special virtue is believed +to be a romantic generosity which shuts out justice. Women are prone to +be so generous to one person as to be unjust to another. They are strong +partisans, and are determined to believe those they love always in the +right. That seems like an amiable failing; but is it? Do we wish even +our enemy to be wronged to save our friend? I think every high-minded +woman would choose to be just, even if she must make her friend suffer; +but it is very hard to live by that standard. + +Most men who write novels describe women as ready to forgive the man who +has forsaken them for another woman, but as implacable towards the rival +however innocent she may be. There is too much truth in such a picture, +but the best women know that good women are not so unjust. That Dorothea +in her anguish at finding Will Ladislaw singing with Rosamund Lydgate +should do her utmost to help Rosamund take a better stand is of course +unusual, but it is not unnatural. That was a splendid kind of generosity +which did indeed swallow up justice, but it was founded on justice, the +justice which strove to restore all things to their true relations. If +any girl is puzzled as to the true province of feeling, and wishes to +know how to reconcile warm-heartedness and self-control, let her read +the wonderful chapter in "Middlemarch" which describes the interview +between Dorothea and Rosamund. + +Wherever we have to choose between justice and generosity we must be +just. Otherwise, our generosity is mere sentimentality. And it does no +good even to the person on whom we lavish it. Perhaps justice in its +highest sense includes generosity. It is just that the rich should help +the poor, and more truly generous to give with that thought than with +the feeling that one has done something meritorious in giving. It is +also mere justice that in dealing with our fellow-creatures we should +always think of them as they may be, as they ought to be, and not to +remember simply what they are. Our faith in them helps them to rise, but +not our pretense that they are right when they are wrong. + +After all, however, who is perfectly balanced? There are worthy women +who have all their feelings well in hand, who are pleasant to live with, +and who do an immense amount of good in the world, and yet who never +rise above common-placeness, and never lift anybody else much above the +material plane. And there are other women so ardent and generous and +loving that they seem to lend wings to everybody they meet, who are yet +crushed and ruined themselves by the excess of their grief not only for +their own sorrows, but for those of the whole world, until by and by +they drag their dearest and most sympathetic friends down into the same +abyss of woe. + +How shall we keep the true balance? I believe that it always is kept by +religious faith, though that too is frequently distorted. The one thing +necessary to believe is that a good God rules the universe. There is no +limit to the love we may give to such a being or to the creatures He +has made, and there is no sorrow which cannot be comforted by the +thought that love underlies it, and that it has a meaning though we +cannot see it, and there is nothing else which is so sure a spur to +duty. + +Even this simple creed, however, is not possible to all of us. The +upheavals in religious beliefs which this century has seen reach even +emotional women and unthinking girls. We cannot believe a thing simply +because we should like to believe it. Without this one article of faith, +I believe happiness to be impossible, but we need not fail in our duty. +A noble woman whose beautiful life is a benediction to all about her, +but whose suffering has been intense, says that as her life has been an +exceptionally favored one, it is impossible for her to believe in God. +But she adds, "Though things are not for the best, we must make the best +of them. We can always lighten somebody's burden." I believe she is +wrong in saying things are not for the best, but there could be no more +sublime resolution than to determine to do all we can to make wrong +right. + + + + +XIV. + +A QUESTION OF SOCIETY. + + +I cannot say how it is in other places, but every one who knows much of +society girls in Boston must have been struck with a certain earnest +note which sounds through all their frivolity. Few of them are satisfied +to be simply society girls. They wish to identify themselves with some +charity, or to make a thorough study of some art or science. It may be +due to their Puritan ancestry, forbidding them to make pleasure the only +business of life. + +Many of them seem to be always on the eve of revolt and ready to give up +society altogether. They join a Protestant sisterhood or even become +Roman Catholics, or they enter a training-school for nurses. I heard +only the other day of one of the loveliest "buds" of this season who has +already decided that a society life is an unsatisfactory one, and who is +almost prepared to go as a missionary to India. + +A young girl told me not long ago that she was wretched at the thought +she must soon leave school, for she dreaded the society life from which +there seemed no escape. She wished to find some charitable work +instantly which would be on the face of it so absorbing that it would be +a complete excuse for her to refuse all invitations. She is only one +among many who have the same feeling. + +It is hard to know what to say to such a girl. Motives are so mixed that +it is hard to stimulate the growth of the wheat without stimulating that +of the tares also. Most serious women would regret to see any young +friend become a mere society girl, but how far it is best for a girl to +give up society it is not easy to say. + +Circumstances make different duties. The pathway of some girls lies +directly through society. At the suitable age their sisters, their +mothers, and even their grandmothers have formally "come out," and have +at once been overwhelmed with invitations to the best houses in the +city. If such a girl has it in her mind to rebel against precedents she +would do well to consider carefully what Holmes has said in another +connection: "There are those who step out of the ordinary ranks by +reason of strength; there are others who fall out by reason of +weakness." For instance, a girl is painfully conscious of her plainness. +Her sister was a beauty and made a sensation when she was introduced. +The plain girl dreads the comparisons which will be made, and shrinks +from the social failure which she foresees. Her feeling would justify +her in making no attempt to get into society if she were outside the +charmed circle, but it would probably be a weakness to yield to it +since she is already within. Her objection is not to society but to the +place she is likely to fill in it. Probably the finest discipline of her +life will be in accepting her place. If she can forget herself, or, at +least, remember that it makes no real difference what others think of +her, she will soon gain the quiet ease which is sometimes even more +winning than beauty. This will be an attribute of character, and every +person's influence is needed in society who commands interest by +essential rather than non-essential qualities. Then, if she is a +wall-flower she is sure to have time to relieve the misery of some other +wall-flower, and as there are always a good many uninteresting people at +any party she will find her mission increasing upon her hands. When she +has thoroughly conquered her dread of society she will have a right to +reconsider the question and decide whether she can use her time to +better advantage. If she retires before fighting her battle she will +probably always look upon her beautiful sister's love of balls with +self-righteous pity; but long before she gains her victory she will be +likely to acknowledge that if she were pretty she would love balls too. + +It is not lovely for any girl to assume that she is better than her +parents. Many girls are better than their parents, and sometimes so much +better that they would be blind indeed if they did not see it; but they +ought to be very slow to act upon such a truth. + +As a general thing they are not nearly so superior as they suppose they +are. They think "Irreverence for the dreams of youth" always comes from +"the hardening of the heart." But youth has some fantastic as well as +some noble dreams, so that docility is a better quality than +independence in a very young person. If a worldly minded mother +inculcates worldliness in her daughter, the daughter certainly ought to +stand firm against the teaching; but if the daughter merely thinks she +would rather read Browning than go to a party which her mother wishes +her to attend, I think it is best for her to go to the party, even if +she is conscious that her mother's motive is a worldly one. I speak only +of young daughters. If a girl follows her mother's wishes about society +till she is twenty-four or five, and still retains her first aversion to +it, it seems to me she has earned the right to be the judge of her own +actions, and if she had been really docile and sweet-tempered all the +way through, I believe the most worldly minded mother would be ready to +yield. It is only when the daughter has combated her parents all the +time that they believe her to be unreasonable and obstinate and +deserving of coercion. The point is, that she must make her stand for a +principle and not for a whim. + +One reason that some girls fear society is that they feel awkward and +have nothing to say. This is often the case with intellectual girls. +They will not descend to the silly conversation which is more pleasing +than it ought to be from the pretty girls of their set, and they know it +would be out of place to talk of anything which really interests them. +They do not want to be called blue-stockings even by young men they +despise. But the agonies such girls suffer in society are unnecessary. +There is no reason why any girl should talk very much. Of course if she +is not a beauty or a graceful dancer she has no other way of attracting +attention, but it is not necessary to attract attention. If she is quiet +and unobtrusive and sweet-tempered she need not suffer from +mortification even if she does not find much to enjoy. I remember a +young girl whose great shyness made it a terror to her to meet any +strangers. Besides this, she felt so little interest in commonplace +people that she had no sufficient motive to subdue her fear. At last as +she was on the point of refusing to go to a very small and informal tea +party a friend not much older than herself talked seriously to her, +explaining that her course would seem morbid and selfish to others, and +might be so in truth. The young girl respected her friend, and making a +heroic effort to control herself determined to accept the invitation. "I +am going," she said to herself, "to show Ellen that I am not too +obstinate to take her advice, and I don't care how I appear." So she sat +still in a corner and listened to the conversation, which was indeed +preternaturally stupid. She felt perfectly at her ease and was quite +unconcerned about "making conversation." If anybody asked her a question +she answered simply without cudgeling her brains for any wise or witty +reply. By and by something was said which did attract her notice, and +she actually made a spontaneous remark herself. She realized then that +the worst was over. She never again felt such terror on entering a room, +and though I never heard that she shone in society, she was always able +after that to carry on her share of a conversation without anxiety. She +simply laid herself aside for the time being and paid attention to what +was going on. + +But while it is usually best for a young girl to go into society which +lies naturally in her way, it is a very different thing to push into +society which lies outside of her path. It is necessary to speak +strongly on this point. In every city the number of inhabitants who have +lived in it since its foundation is, of course, very small, and they +always form an aristocracy, jealous of interlopers. They generally are a +law-abiding, conservative class, with some sterling qualities. They are +superior to a great many people who would like to associate with them, +but inferior to a great many others. Now, just at the circumference of +this circle there is another circle equally good, intelligent, and +refined, who see no reason why they should be shut out from the inner +circle. There is no reason except that they did not first occupy the +central ground. The aristocracy of the city is formed on the principle +of "first come, first served," and the first will never relinquish their +places to the new-comers. Why should the new-comers care? There are +enough among them to make a society as good, intelligent, and refined as +that from which they are shut out. Nevertheless, it is a human failing +to prize what we cannot have, and some of the later comers look +wistfully across the dividing line. They cannot cross it, but sometimes +their daughters can. They send their daughters to the same schools with +the daughters of the "four hundred," and the girls make friends with +each other, and with a little skill the password may be learned and the +young plebeian may find herself indistinguishable from a patrician. +There are fathers and mothers who urge their daughters to make haste to +occupy every coigne of vantage, and gradually advance into the heart of +the enemy's country. I am not speaking now of those who are so vulgar as +to intrigue for invitations, but simply of the ambitious who wish to +accept an invitation given in good faith because it is a step upward in +the social scale. Of course I would not say that such an invitation +should never be accepted, for there is often congeniality between the +hostess and her guest; but it is not worth doing violence to one's +feelings for the sake of accepting it. We say that we do not consider +the "four hundred" really superior to many other hundreds in the city. +In that case let us treat them and their invitations with exactly the +same courtesy and exactly the same indifference that we show to our +other friends and their invitations. I think a young girl is always +justified in objecting to be pushed into society even when her parents +are eager to push her; yet if the matter is urged, it will probably be +best for her to gratify her parents, even at the sacrifice of her own +sensitiveness. It is not for her to judge her parents. Even if they are +wrong, their fault may be like the vanity of a child, because they are +still in the childish stage of education, while the daughter's higher +development is entirely due to their efforts in her behalf. + +There are girls whose religious convictions forbid society, and then +they are obliged to withstand their parents from the outset; yet I think +such convictions are uncommon where the parents do not share them. But +there are other girls who sincerely believe that their time can be +better spent than in going to parties and making calls. The conventions +of society seem meaningless to them, and they know if they observe them +all they will have no time or strength for anything else, while if they +do not observe them they will be stigmatized as rude, odd, and even as +self-conceited. One cannot read even the most sensible book on +etiquette without being oppressed with the feeling that a terrible +addition has been made to the moral law in the by-laws which treat of +visiting cards, and every writer on etiquette says mildly but firmly +that there is a reason for all the rules in the very nature of things, +and that if any of us venture to disregard them and substitute our own +reason, we simply show our incapacity for appreciating real refinement. +A part of this is no doubt true. The rules of society are reasonable for +those who give their whole time to society. When a lady has four hundred +people on her visiting list, and a call must be made on each one every +winter on pain of losing the acquaintance altogether, to say nothing of +party calls and receptions and afternoon teas, it is clear that a +language of pasteboard simplifies her duties very much. But for any one +who has a definite work in life outside of society, attention to all +these minor points is impossible, and we must either be shut out of +society altogether or be allowed to enter it on our own terms. The women +who have their living to earn have the matter decided for them. Even in +the few cases where they are welcomed among the _elite_, their work must +always take precedence of society demands. And the same thing ought to +be true in the case of good mothers. The care of one's own children +never ought to be given up for any conventional duty. But the hardest +case is that of young girls who wish their lives to be in earnest, and +who have as yet no imperative duties. No wonder they wish to make duties +for themselves. Is there any guide in deciding how far they are bound to +follow conventions? I know nothing better than the dictum of the +Hegelians. "Make your deed universal, and see what the result will be." +If everybody who finds afternoon teas a burden stayed away from them, +would any harm be done? If everybody who objects to making calls refused +to make them, would it not soon simplify life even for those who do like +to make them? If all people who chanced to meet felt at liberty to be as +friendly as they felt like being, without any formal preliminaries, who +would be injured? The question of absolute right is answered when these +questions are answered, and we ought not to let any writer on etiquette +persuade us to the contrary. But it is not so easy to say how far it is +wise for anybody, particularly for young girls, to set themselves +against the customs of their own circle. They then give up the friends +they would naturally make, and it is sometimes hard to find equally +congenial friends in other circles. Many a girl who might have been +happily married if she had not rebelled against conventionalities is +left to lead a lonely life; and that not because young men value +conventionalities, but because society makes people acquainted. She +will some day be likely to regret that she missed her opportunities, +unless she had some more definite reason for her course than the mere +shrinking from the effort society requires. + +Duties we make for ourselves are seldom entirely free from affectation. +An ardent, active girl may easily become so interested in her charities +and her studies that she may make a genuine plea that she is too busy +for parties and calls; but perhaps she ought not to give up society +duties until higher duties actually open before her. Is it not possible +that society has some intrinsic worth, or that at all events it might +have worth, if earnest people did their part? There is much to be done +for the poor, but the poor are not the only ones to be helped. Sweetness +of temper and honorable action tell as much sometimes in a game of cards +as in an affair of state. The highest good anybody can ever do is to +inspire others with a higher ideal, to raise the level of character. The +specific act by which this is done matters little; in truth it is +usually the result not of an act, but of a noble character influencing +others unconsciously. One might give all her goods to feed the poor and +not leave the world any better than she found it. On the other hand, I +know a frank, light-hearted girl, whose whole mind seems to be absorbed +in choosing the prettiest dresses she can find for her approaching +_debut_, who is sure to be a factor in elevating every company she +enters, because of her scorn of any form of meanness. She would not +trouble herself to say anything bitter if one of her acquaintances did a +mean thing; but the amazed tone in which she would utter the word +"Fancy!" would inflict a punishment no culprit could escape. + +Most of what is called society is no doubt poor and weak, and not worth +much time or trouble. I think the girls whose pathway does not lead +directly through it are perhaps to be congratulated. It is to be hoped +that most women who reach the age of twenty-five will find something +better to do than to give themselves up entirely to society. But though, +as now constituted, its exactions are so heavy that it often seems as if +it must be all or nothing, it need not inevitably be so. Society could +be so conducted as to be a beautiful recreation instead of a business, +and those who see this clearly can help to bring it about. + +Society ought to give enjoyment in a refined way. Beautiful houses, +beautiful dresses, music, cultivated voices in conversation, delicate +wit, smiling faces, graceful dancing, all these things would make up an +attractive picture to most of us if we could forget ourselves, and not +feel that our shadow was the most prominent part of it. It could not +take the place of our serious daily life, but it ought to supplement it. + +The French writer Amiel has given the most beautiful description of +ideal society, and I will quote it here. It would, I think, be a good +plan for every girl who wishes to give up society to consider this +picture well. If society were always like this, would you wish to give +it up? If it is not like this, may it not be possible for you to help to +make it so? Is there any better work laid ready to your hand? If so, do +it, by all means. If not, is not this well worth doing? + + +It is thus that Amiel describes a small evening party: "Thirty people of +the best society, a happy mingling of sexes and ages. Gray heads, young +people, _spirituelle_ faces. All framed in tapestries of Aubusson which +gave a soft distance and a charming background to the groups in full +dress.... In the world it is necessary to have the appearance of living +on ambrosia and of being acquainted with only noble cares. Anxiety, +want, passion do not exist. All realism is suppressed as brutal. In a +word, what is called _le grand monde_ presents for the moment a +flattering illusion, that of being in an ethereal state and of breathing +the life of mythology. That is the reason that all vehemence, every cry +of nature, all true suffering, all careless familiarity, all open marks +of passion, shock and jar in this delicate _milieu_, and destroy in a +moment the whole fabric, the palace of clouds, the magic architecture +raised by the consent of all. + +"It is like the harsh cock-crow which causes all enchantment to vanish +and puts the fairies to flight. These choice _reunions_ act +unconsciously towards a concert of eye and ear, towards an improvised +work of art. This instinctive accord is a festival for the mind and +taste, and transports the actors into the sphere of the imagination. It +is a form of poetry, and it is thus that cultivated society renews by +reflection the idyl which has disappeared.... + +"Paradoxical or not, I believe that these fleeting attempts to +reconstruct a dream which pursues beauty alone are confused +recollections of the age of gold which haunts the human soul, or rather +of aspirations towards the harmony of things which daily reality refuses +to us, and to which we are introduced only by art." + + + + +XV. + +NARROW LIVES. + + +What is a narrow life? Its causes almost always lie in character. One +either has a narrow nature, or is subject to some tyrant who has a +narrow nature. In such cases there is little hope of remedy. + +But in general circumstances are not responsible for a narrow life. +Illness and poverty indeed are hard to resist, nevertheless I hope to +show by actual examples that broad lives are lived by the sick and poor. + +Once at the wish of a friend I was visiting I went to carry some +comforts to a neglected almshouse on a Western prairie. In the insane +ward I found a poor young fellow suffering from epilepsy. There had been +some brutal treatment in the almshouse and he had tried to escape. Being +overtaken he had fought for his liberty, and in consequence he was +afterwards fastened with a chain and ball of many pounds' weight. He +could not be cared for elsewhere, as his family was very poor, and +though usually perfectly sane he had dangerous intervals. The management +of the almshouse was culpably bad, and though about this time +benevolent persons began to bestir themselves, and there was some +amelioration of conditions, yet this young man was certainly placed in +as narrowing circumstances as could surround a human being. He was poor +to the degree of pauperism, he had an incurable disease and he was +almost absolutely in the power of tyrants. Remembering that my friend +wished to lend some books to those of the poor creatures who could read, +I asked him if he liked to read. He said yes, that he was very fond of +reading, but could not get any books. I asked him what kind of books he +would like. "Well," he said slowly, "I should be glad of anything; but I +think I should like best stories or biographies which would tell me how +people who were put in hard places met their lives. For," he added +pathetically, "I want to make the most I can of my life." I felt as he +spoke that these were the most heroic words I had ever heard or that I +ever should hear. I left the town in a few days, and my friend at the +same time changed her residence, so I have never known his fate. But I +am sure no circumstances could make a life inspired with such a feeling +a narrow one. + +Fortunately few people are so hemmed in by circumstances. But some of us +think a single misfortune enough to crush us. How, for instance, is a +woman prostrated by disease to make anything of the little life within +her four walls? + +I remember a woman who broke down at school and suffered so frequently +from violent hemorrhages all her life, which was prolonged till she was +nearly fifty, that she was seldom able to leave her room. Her home was +on a farm a long distance from the village, so that it at first seemed +as if she could not have even the ordinary alleviation of cheerful +society in her more comfortable days. Another aggravation in her case +was that she had an active temperament and strong mind. She had been +fitting herself to be a teacher, and she had just the qualities which +would have made her an admirable teacher, a clear intellect, quick +observation, firm will, love of children, and a perfectly serene temper. +She had wished to teach, partly because she thought she should find it +an inspiring work, and partly because she wished to help the family. She +saw this was not to be, that in spite of herself she must be a burden on +the family. She met her altered circumstances with the same firm will +and cheerful temper she had shown from childhood. If she must be a +burden on others she would make that burden as light as she could. She +would not suggest that any one should sit in her darkened room all day, +however lonely she might be. She would not call upon others for the +hundred little services not absolutely necessary, but still so very +agreeable to one who is weak and helpless. On the other hand, she would +not exert herself rashly in the vain endeavor to wait on herself when +such an exertion was likely to injure her, and in the end to bring more +care on other people. She always spoke cheerfully even when her voice +could not rise above a whisper. She was ready to admit the sunshine the +moment she could bear the light. As she lay alone she tried to think of +some pleasant thing to say or do when any one should come in, and in +this way she beguiled the tedious hours. + +Of course she had her reward. No one could be unwilling to take care of +one so unexacting. Moreover, although she often unavoidably taxed the +strength of her friends, she did so much to make them happy that nursing +her was a pleasant task. Her mother and sisters wished to be in her room +as much as possible, not for her sake, but for their own enjoyment. She +never asked them to read aloud to her, for instance, but she was such an +appreciative listener that they could never be quite satisfied with +reading any interesting book to themselves. They enjoyed it doubly with +her wise and witty comments. She had a keen sense of humor which it has +always seemed to me goes a long way in broadening any life,--and +naturally everybody saved the best jokes to relate in her room. She was +frequently too ill to laugh without danger of a hemorrhage, but she soon +learned to control herself so that she laughed with her eyes alone. The +girls from the village, instead of feeling it a duty to visit her in +her sickness, considered it a privilege to be admitted to her room. +When she was able to sit up they would come by twos and threes and bring +their work and chat until she was tired. She had the kind of character +which made gossip impossible with her, so that she always got at the +very best her visitors had to give, and the _very best_ of even a +shallow girl is often worth something. Her friends, however, felt it was +she who gave to them because of her uplifting power. + +She was sometimes able to read and she carried on her education +systematically, though necessarily with many interruptions. She had a +gift for drawing and amused herself often in that way, though, it was +always a sorrow to her that she had had too little instruction to +produce anything of value to others. She was not altogether shut out +from beauty. Her room gave her a view of the sunset every day, and she +purposely left her curtain up for an hour in the evening to watch the +march of the stars. She had the unspotted beauty of the snow in the +winter, and of the grass and flowers in the summer. Sometimes she was +even able to walk about the dooryard a little and gather flowers for +herself. She always had a few house plants in which she took a strong +interest, and which accordingly flourished. + +She was a public-spirited woman and was glad to be made one of the +trustees of the Public Library. She was one of the most efficient +members of the board, though she was seldom strong enough to be driven +as far as the library building. + +She was determined that her sisters' lives should not be trammeled by +her weakness. The fact that she could not go to a place was all the more +reason why her sisters should go and tell her about it. One sister was a +teacher who at first wished to take the neighboring district school +rather than a much finer position in a distant city simply for the sake +of being constantly with the beloved invalid. But the latter would not +allow this. "I shall never be able to go West myself, you know," she +said cheerfully, "but if you go and I have your letters every week, I +shall know exactly what it is like. And you will be so much more +entertaining in vacations than if you stay at home." + +By the same course of reasoning the sick sister persuaded the teacher to +go abroad to study a year when the opportunity came. "The photographs +you bring home will mean a great deal more to me than any I could buy," +she said. "I shall almost feel as if I had seen the pictures +themselves." Every letter which came from the absent sister did inclose +some imponderable unmounted photograph, with comments. The sister at +home, studying these one by one, learned almost more of the meaning of +the pictures than the one who saw their visible beauty. One of my +friends says, "There is nothing which so destroys the aesthetic sense as +to see too many beautiful pictures at once." This truth, perhaps, +explains why so many people see all the great paintings of the world and +yet have so little appreciation of any of them. At all events, our +invalid did gain both happiness and spiritual insight from the hints of +beauty she found in these humble little photographs. + +I have before said that she was not left without companions. She also +had friends in the highest sense. Having the leisure to make friendship +a chief business of life she was able to be so much to her friends that +however busy they might be they could not afford to neglect her. The day +of leisurely letter writing seems to have passed by. But she had long +hours by herself when she could write out the good and pleasant things +she was thinking about. Her letters were lovely, and strong, and +helpful, and each was written with such exquisite penmanship, with such +easy lines of beauty, that it was like a work of art in itself. + +She was not obliged even to forego the happiness of love. She had a +young lover at the time her health failed. He would not believe at first +that there was no cure for her. Her instinct had been so true that she +had chosen a perfectly loyal lover whose love could not be shaken by +misfortune. At last he was himself attacked by a terrible disease, and +it was seldom possible for the two to meet after that. But they faced +their trouble together. They said that if the time should ever come +when they could be married they should rejoice; but if it never came +they would be all they could to each other. Sometimes even letters were +impossible between them, but their perfect reliance upon each other was +a constant source of strength and happiness, and their rare interviews +were true radiant points in their lives. + +Of course no one would think of calling this woman's life a narrow one, +and yet the only reason it was not so lay in herself. + +I know another woman whose poverty would seem to many people an +effectual bar to any breadth of life. As poverty is a relative term, I +will state definitely that she receives less than three hundred dollars +a year for teaching a difficult village school, and that the whole +support of her frail and delicate mother has fallen upon her except that +the two together own their heavily mortgaged little home. A servant +being out of the question, she rises very early in the morning to do as +much of the heavier housework as possible. Her washing, of course, has +to be done on Saturday. Some of us in such a case would be content with +a low standard of cleanliness--but she has an ideal, and her house and +herself fairly sparkle with neatness. Her exquisite cooking is a special +grace of economy, for it makes it possible that a frugal table should +seem to be richly spread. Of course she and her mother must do their +own sewing, and they do it so well that they always have the air of +being dressed as ladies, with great simplicity, to be sure, but with +excellent taste. + +At this point, I fancy my readers will make one of two comments. They +will say, "She must have an iron constitution," or "She must spend all +her time on material things. She cannot have a moment for books or +society or travel." + +Now she has not an iron constitution. She suffered in her youth from a +wasting disease, and her physician says she was nearer death than any +person he ever knew to recover. This disease has left its traces upon +her. There is hardly a year when she does not have to be out of school a +week or two for illness, and of course sick headaches and trifling +ailments of that kind have to be met every few days. + +Nor is it true that the daily necessities absorb her whole life. +Obviously, she cannot be a great reader, or rather it is fortunate she +is not so, for if she spent all her little leisure over books, she would +miss much that is inspiring in her life. But she does care for books, +and particularly for the best books, though her school education was +limited. She reads a tiny daily paper and always takes a leading +magazine. She owns Shakespeare and Scott and Shelley, and knows them +almost by heart. She borrows the best of her friends' books, and +occasionally buys a cheap classic. She always has some volume of +biography or travel from the Public Library, which she reads leisurely +with her mother perhaps. It may take her a month to read some little +volume of two or three hundred pages--such a volume as Bradford Torrey's +"Rambler's Lease," or Dr. Emerson's memoir of his father--and possibly +she may not be able in the end to quote any more fluently from these +books than another who reads them through in an afternoon, although I +think she usually is able, but her advantage is that she thoroughly +enjoys the flavor of every sentence; her reading stimulates and +encourages her and makes her happy. + +She was one of the founders of the Book Club in the village, and as the +Public Library grew out of that, there was considerable work to be done +by some of the members, and of this she did much more than her share. + +She is one of the most active members also of the Reading Club and the +Natural History Club, two organizations which combine culture and +society quite as effectually as the more ambitious circles in our +cities. Her house is always hospitably open to either of these clubs, +for she loves society and wishes to make the most of all the intelligent +people in the place who belong to one or the other of them. Her +sociability, however, carries her farther. She knows everybody in the +town well enough for a bow and smile in passing, and that is no small +achievement in a modern village where the population is so fluctuating. +I would suggest that we try for a moment to recall the difference it +makes in the cheerfulness of our day whether all the people we meet have +a pleasant word for us or not; and then, I think, we shall see that her +influence is by no means slight or worthless. Perhaps it is a little +candle, but it throws its beams far. + +She likes to go to see her friends, and she faithfully returns the +semi-formal calls which cannot be avoided even in the most unfashionable +centres. She makes her own callers heartily welcome, and even invites a +friend or two to tea now and then. She is always hospitably ready to +entertain visitors from a distance, and consequently she often has the +pleasant variety of going away on a visit herself. + +She likes to go to the public entertainments of the village. A sewing +society, a Sunday-school picnic, or a fair attracts her. These are +simple pleasures, but taken with such a spirit as hers, they are +innocent and wholesome, even if they seem barren to an outsider. + +She always does her part at all such gatherings. She is ready to serve +on any committee. She will make delicious cake for a Grand Army supper, +or sell flowers in aid of the Village Improvement Society. One would +hardly expect her to have time for such duties, but one of the strong +points in her character is that she never has any inclination to shirk +a responsibility that belongs to her, and she is generous in her +interpretation of her responsibilities. It has always interested me to +see the persistency with which she pays the extra fraction of a cent +when any expense is to be divided among several people. She knows the +full value of a cent, for she has to count the cost of everything; but +she evidently takes a brave pride in always doing a little more rather +than a little less than justice requires her to do. She has perhaps too +great a scorn of receiving help from anybody. She once acted as a +substitute in school for a friend who was ill. The obliged friend +insisted that she should receive the ten dollars which would otherwise +have been paid to herself. But the independent young lady instantly took +the money and invested it all in a beautiful piece of lace which she +sent as a present to the convalescent. I know of no one who acts more +thoroughly on the rule, "If you have but sixpence to spend, spend it +like a prince, and not like a beggar." + +She is a true lover of nature, without pretense or cant of any kind. She +has an eye for flowers,--indeed her little garden is the delight of the +neighborhood,--and she finds harebells on Thanksgiving Day and ferns in +midwinter. She knows the minerals in the stone-walls, and likes to trace +the course of old glaciers across the farms beyond the village. And she +likes, too, to stroll through the woods, or to float in her dory on the +river, without a thought of mineralogy or botany while she softly +repeats poetry for which she has a real love. + +Of course she has not a large margin of income for luxuries, but she +does take a journey now and then, and she enjoys her journeys with a +zest which would surprise many travelers. + +She has not much money to give away; and yet she often adds a modest +contribution to a subscription paper for some unfortunate neighbor. And +she has lent her boat a hundred times to people who otherwise could not +have one to use. More than that, she will go herself and row for some +child or old person who cannot manage the oars, but who stands on the +bank and looks wishfully at the river. I have never known anybody who +owned a carriage to give half so much pleasure to other people with it, +as she gives with her boat. She is always ready to "lend a hand." She +has watched with a great many sick people, for instance. Most of her +kindnesses are unobtrusive, and she forgets them the next day, but they +make a definite addition to the comfort and happiness of the world. + +"I always like to have Miss Amidon come in to spend the evening", said a +nervous, critical, intellectual man, most of whose life had been passed +among far more pretentious people in large cities, "there is such a +sunny atmosphere about her." + +Where does Miss Amidon get the strength to do so many good things? She +is not a common woman of course, and yet there is nothing striking about +her. She does nothing great. I have no reason to suppose that her +teaching even is above the average. I think the rare quality in her +character, however, is that she spends the little strength and money she +has on _essentials_, and so there is always something to show for them. + + +I once had a friend who was told by several physicians that she had an +incurable disease. Her own home was gone, and she did not wish to be +dependent upon others. She had been a teacher, and she resolved to go on +teaching. There would be months at a time when she would be obliged to +rest, but then, with unfailing courage, she went back to her work. Once, +when she was only able to sit up a few hours in the day, she took a +position in a boarding-school, where her board was but a trifle, and was +given to her for her instruction of one or two small classes which could +recite in her room where she was propped up in an easy-chair. + +She had a religious nature, and thought calmly of death, while she felt +that in this world her plain duty was to make the most of her life. She +bore her suffering without complaint, did not allow herself to be +anxious, took all measures she could to alleviate her pain and to +improve her health, and was then free to enjoy the few pleasures still +within her reach. As a result, she grew better, and for half a dozen +years was able to support herself well by teaching in a difficult +school. In order to do this, however, she had to live within very narrow +lines. Her disease was of such a nature, that her diet had to be +confined almost entirely to one article. This made it seem best for her +to live in a hotel where she could have little home life. And such a +diet at times became almost nauseating. It was necessary for her to save +all her strength for her daily work, so she had to put aside even the +few pleasures otherwise within her reach. What made this the harder was +that she had never taught from love of the work, though her fine +intelligence and conscientiousness made her an excellent teacher. + +"First, I have to consider my health," she said. "Then I must think of +my work. And that does not leave much room for other things." + +But for her determined and heroic observance of the laws of health, her +life must have been a wreck. Her strong good sense not only saved her +from being a burden to others, but enabled her to do a really valuable +work for her scholars, which I have seldom known any one capable of +doing so well. And all her friends were strengthened by the spectacle of +her cheerful courage. The few years she won for herself by her steadfast +struggle would have been well worth living, even if she had had no +alleviations of her lot. But she gladly took such little pleasures as +were in her pathway. She chose a pleasant room in the hotel with a wide +outlook over the sea. She spent some happy hours with her favorite +German books, and in a quiet, friendly way she made the acquaintance of +any congenial people who came to the hotel. All this was not very much, +perhaps, but yet it seems fine to me. So many of us would have spent our +strength in mourning our hard fate! I am sure that all of us who had the +privilege of knowing her must always think of her with reverence. + + +I know a woman whose deafness shuts her out from ordinary conversation, +and who is nevertheless such an interesting talker and such an +appreciative listener that her friends do not find it a task to spend +hours in talking through her ear-trumpet. Of course each friend brings +only his best to her ears. The very circumstance which would have +narrowed her life if her nature had been narrow, has simply shut off +much that is low from her and left full room for the expansion of all +that is high. + +I knew two women on whom blindness fell in middle life. One with morbid +grief stayed always in her own room. She became totally dependent on +others and wore away her years in sorrow. The other gave up the +luxurious rooms she occupied in a hotel, took a lodging-house, which +she was able largely to manage herself, made it a delightful home for +every inmate, and kept herself usefully busy and happy. Each of these +women had an only sister entirely devoted to her. One of them narrowed +and the other broadened her sister's life. + +I am almost tempted to say there are no narrow lives except for narrow +natures. But there are many timid and loving women who are forced to +lead restricted lives by domestic tyrants,--a despotic father or +husband, or even sometimes an imperious mother or sister,--and who yet +under other circumstances might expand like a flower. The only help for +such women is in cultivating courage. And it is necessary to remember +that the self-sacrifice which helps others to be their best is good, +while that which suffers them to be tyrants is bad. + + + + +XVI. + +CONCLUSION: A MISCELLANEOUS CHAPTER. + + +In these pages I have not catalogued the virtues which make up the +character of a fine woman, but I think I have made it clear that every +woman should be truthful and loving, courageous and modest. No two women +are alike, and sometimes one virtue dominates and sometimes another. And +we must always be on our guard against the faults of our qualities. A +gentle woman is in danger of being cowardly, and a firm woman of being +obstinate. There is one danger which seems to be peculiarly powerful +with women; that of sacrificing too much to the people nearest them. A +woman knows positively that more is required of her than it is fair she +should give, and yet she gives it, and in most cases she feels a certain +satisfaction of conscience in giving it. Her renunciation comes partly +because she loves those for whom she makes the sacrifice, but partly +also from cowardice. So far as it is simple renunciation, I have not +much to say. If Jane Welsh had not sacrificed herself to Carlyle's +unreasonable demands, it is certain that she might have contributed +something of permanent value to literature, and if Carlyle's colossal +egotism had thus been pruned, his own contribution probably would have +been of higher quality; but as the question of sacrifice came up day by +day, she could hardly measure results, and she did feel the necessity of +struggling with her own selfishness. Life is so much more than +literature that I cannot help thinking she did right, though Carlyle did +wrong in allowing her to efface herself for him. But most women go +farther than this. They allow themselves to be blinded by their wish to +please those nearest them. They wish it were right to yield one point +after another, and they finally do yield and hope they are not doing +wrong, though if they did not firmly shut their eyes, they must see that +they are. I think this is even more fatal to a noble character than +deliberately to choose the wrong, because it confuses moral distinctions +and makes one weak as well as wicked. I suppose more good women have +failed in this way than in any other. + +English novelists describe American girls as exquisitely beautiful, +stylish, quick-witted, energetic, and good-tempered, while the mothers +are portrayed as awkward, dowdy, stupid, and ill-educated, though honest +and kind. We resent the distortion of this picture, for in America, as +elsewhere, girls are largely what they are made by their mothers, yet we +do have certain conditions which make sharp contrasts between mothers +and daughters more common here than elsewhere. + +This is especially so in the present generation, for the last fifty +years have been a transition period in woman's education. Before that, +there were no good schools for girls in America, though the country +academies did what they could; and in a few of the large cities there +was a small class of wealthy people who had private teachers for their +girls in music, French, dancing, and perhaps literature. + +Then came the establishment of high-class boarding schools for girls, so +endowed that they were within the reach of people of moderate means. The +eager, ambitious, half-educated mothers sent their bright daughters to +these schools. The best class of girls from the country towns everywhere +now met each other, and mingled, too, with many girls who had had the +opportunities of city life. The teachers in these schools were women of +high character and real refinement, and though they were not all +accustomed to the usages of society, there were always some among them +who were so, and who gave a certain finish to the solid work of the +others. The advantages of these boarding-school girls were so far beyond +those of the previous generation that the line between mothers and +daughters became abnormally broad. The son had advantages at college +which his father had not, but after all, he went to the same college, +and the progress was natural. + +Then the high schools were opened to girls, and thousands were able to +get a fair education whose mothers had had no opportunities whatever. +And then about thirty years ago, colleges for women sprang up, and the +young women of our day have the same advantages as the young men. + +Mothers must always, of course, expect to be outstripped in some +directions by their daughters. Indeed, they wish to have it so, for they +wish to have their daughters stand on as high ground as possible; but +when the process goes on as rapidly as it has done through the wonderful +opening of the means of education in the last half century, it has a +painful side. Especially is it so in this country, where there is such a +spirit of equality that in spite of all the barriers of caste, the +daughter of a wholly unrefined mother may occupy a high position. In +England a clever daughter may have a stupid mother, but a refined +daughter is not very likely to have a mother who is outwardly coarse, +because class lines have been drawn so distinctly for many generations +that mother and daughter have essentially the same kind of education and +see essentially the same kind of people. In America this is the +exception instead of the rule, though now that the highest education is +open to all women, the chances are that the contrasts will be less sharp +in future. + +But at present the gulf between mother and daughter is often so wide +that it requires more than tact to bridge it. A sense of duty will keep +a daughter outwardly kind and respectful to her mother, but love is the +mother's only real security; and a mother must be thoroughly good at +heart and refined in feeling to hold the warm love of a daughter whose +intellectual tastes and social standards she outrages every moment. On +the other hand, if the daughter's education has not taught her that +character is more than intellect, it is worse than useless. + +"Intellect separates," said Dr. James Freeman Clarke, "but love unites." +Here lies the key to this problem. + + +I have said little of marriage, for the subject is difficult. A +thoroughly high-minded woman will not be likely to marry unworthily, and +she may be trusted to meet the problems that rise after marriage in a +worthy manner. The special difficulties in each pathway will depend on +temperament and circumstances, and no general rules can be laid down for +meeting them. + +I hold to the old-fashioned doctrine that a true marriage opens the way +to the best and happiest life for both men and women. Anything less than +a true marriage is intolerable and debasing. + +But girls can hardly choose whether they will be married or not. They +can say No to all offers, and some women do plan for opportunities to +say Yes, yet most of us feel that there are few circumstances in which +a girl of noble instincts could take the initiative. + +Can parents do anything? Certainly not in the way of trying to win a +particular lover; but they may so educate their daughter as to make her +attractive to such a man as they would wish her to marry, provided that +such an education does not sacrifice higher interests; and then they may +give her the opportunity to see as many such men as possible in her own +home, and in other places where the standards are as high as in her own +home. + +What are the qualities which most attract men? It is hard to say, +because many of the women most loved in their own families and by other +women are not interesting to even the best of men. Probably +warm-heartedness and sweetness of character stand first in the list, and +these are qualities worth cultivating for themselves. Vitality and high +spirits count for much, also. Beauty I think comes next, even with men +who do not care for mere beauty. I do not think we should be indignant +at this. But can beauty be cultivated? Good health does something for +the complexion. Care of the teeth adds another point of beauty. Even +rough hair may be made beautiful by constant brushing. A good carriage +and a gentle voice are points of beauty that depend partly on ourselves. +Taste may be used in dress without sacrificing simplicity. Scrupulous +cleanliness adds a charm of its own. All these attractions may be +cultivated without nourishing the noxious weed of vanity, which many +mothers dread so much. And is it not natural that a man who can +appreciate a good and intelligent woman should find her still more +winning if she has a sweet, fresh face and a trim dress? + +Next we must place domestic tastes. Of course a cook and seamstress and +housekeeper can be hired, and it is quite true that the home instinct is +not the highest in the universe; but it is a fine one, nevertheless, and +at all events it does influence most men in marriage. + +Intelligent men like intelligent wives, and value a certain brightness +of mind; but it must be admitted that few men care to marry intellectual +women unless such women have the tact to keep their gifts somewhat in +the background. (I may here say,--it is not worth more than a +parenthesis--that the infallible rule for securing some kind of a +husband is to be able to flatter a man, either by a real or pretended +interest in him, or a real or pretended admiration of his powers. But I +hope I have no reader who would wish for marriage on such terms, so I +will not catalogue any attractions which ought not to win.) You remember +how Charles Lamb speaks of his Cousin Bridget's knowledge of English +literature. "If I had twenty girls, they should all be educated in +exactly the same way. Their chances of marriage might not be increased +by it, but if worst came to worst, it would make them most incomparable +old maids." If a woman is not married in the end, the wider and deeper +her education goes, the happier and more useful she is; and yet can we +deny that a very wide education is likely to repel rather than attract +even highly educated men? + +My own solution of the difficulty would be to give a girl the best +education within reach, but to lay such stress on warm-heartedness and +sweet temper that her intellectual attainments would not stand out +prominently and concentrate all attention on them. I should do this, not +chiefly as a matter of policy, but because it seems to me the only way +to preserve the true balance between emotion and thought essential to an +ideal character. + +It may be said that all the qualities I have discussed are rather +superficial, and that it is only when two people have high aims in +common that they are capable of the best kind of love on which alone a +true marriage can be based. And that is right. All education ought to +tend to make a girl noble, and no motive of marriage ought to be held up +before her. But I cannot think it is idle for her parents and friends to +try to make her attractive as well as good, and I cannot think a man is +to be blamed who chooses between two high-minded women the one who has +graces as well as gifts. + +Another subject which it may be thought ought not to be left untouched +in any volume dealing with women is that of the suffrage. I must frankly +own that though I have thought much upon this subject I have not been +able to come to positive conclusions about it. I am glad for all the +freedom women have gained. I wish to see them entirely free. I think a +woman needs to be free in order to reach the highest nobility; but it is +inward freedom which we most need, and that is independent of +circumstances. Epictetus, a slave, won as complete inward freedom as +Marcus Aurelius, an emperor. + +I see so many arguments on both sides of the question that I am always +vacillating between them, and it would therefore be impossible for me to +treat the matter here. All I can say is, that the longer I live the more +I am convinced that it is personal character which most helps the world +forward, and I think our hearty allegiance to the truth which we clearly +see will in the end teach us new truth. + + +I began this little book in the hope of saying some helpful words to +girls. I have found it necessary to think of them as having grown into +women. I cannot take leave of them without fancying them as they will be +in old age. + +Charles Dudley Warner once visited the Mary Institute at St. Louis. He +was asked to make a speech, and after glancing at the five hundred +beautiful young girls before him, he turned to the fine faces of the +teachers, many of whom were gray-haired, and said:-- + +"It is a beautiful thing to be a charming young lady; and the best of it +is that you will sometime have a chance to be a charming old lady!" + +All old ladies are not charming, but a great many of them are; and would +not all of us be so if we could follow the prescriptions I have given so +liberally for the conduct of life all the way through? Suppose we were +all sweet-tempered and warm-hearted and truthful, and as neat and pretty +as we could be, and bright and intelligent and modest and helpful--do +you not think we should be charming even if our eyes were dim and our +ears dull, and we walked with a cane? + +Nevertheless, there is one practical rule that old people must never +forget. They must keep growing as long as they live. Your temper must be +sweeter at forty than it was at twenty, and sweeter at sixty than at +forty, if it is to seem sweet at all when your bright eyes and red lips +are gone. We can pardon a sharp word from an inexperienced young girl, +who speaks hastily without reflection, but we cannot pardon it so easily +from a woman who has had a lifetime to reflect. + +If you would keep fresh in body, you must not pay too much attention to +rheumatic twinges, and sit still in a corner because you are too stiff +to rise. Take your painful walk, and you will be less stiff when you +come back. You will have fresh life from outside, and not be a burden to +younger lives impatient of your chimney corner. + +One of my friends, who is nearly eighty, has taken a trip to Kansas this +winter, and has been delighted with the new life she has seen. I need +not say that her delight makes her delightful to others. "You need not +suppose," she writes, "that I am going to settle down and be an old lady +yet. I am planning a visit to California next year." + +Mrs. Horace Mann and Miss Elizabeth Peabody were both nearly eighty when +they went to Washington on official business--something in reference to +the Indian troubles, I believe. I have already cited my mother's friend +who began to study botany at ninety. And why not? If the end of +knowledge was to help us to get our daily bread, we might at last fold +our hands; but if it is to open our minds to the glory of the universe, +to make us more worthy to be the immortal souls we hope we are, why +should we not be just as eager to learn at ninety as at nine? + +A sensitive woman is sure to have many and many an experience in life +which will make her heart sad and sore; but I think that every brave and +good woman will also feel more and more, as time goes on, that the +kingdom of heaven is within her. + + + + +ADVERTISEMENTS + + + The Riverside Library for Young People. + + + _A Series of Volumes devoted to History, Biography, + Mechanics, Travel, Natural History, and Adventure. With + Maps, Portraits, etc., where needed for fuller illustration + of the volume. Each, uniform, strongly bound + in cloth, 16mo, 200-250 pages, 75 cents._ + + +1. _The War of Independence._ + By JOHN FISKE. With Maps. + +2. _George Washington: An Historical Biography._ + By HORACE E. SCUDDER. With Portrait and Illustrations. + +3. _Birds through an Opera Glass._ + By FLORENCE A. MERRIAM. Illustrated. + +4. _Up and Down the Brooks._ + By MARY E. BAMFORD. Illustrated. + +5. _Coal and the Coal Mines._ + By HOMER GREENE. Illustrated. + +6. _A New England Girlhood, Outlined from Memory._ + By LUCY LARCOM. + +7. _Java: The Pearl of the East._ + By MRS. S. J. HIGGINSON. With a Map. + +8. _Girls and Women._ + By E. CHESTER. + + +(_Others in preparation._) + + +MESSRS. HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN AND COMPANY publish, under the above title, a +series of books designed especially for boys and girls who are laying +the foundation of private libraries. The books in this series are not +ephemeral publications, to be read hastily and quickly forgotten, both +the authors and the subjects treated indicate that they are books to +last. + +The great subjects of History, Biography, Mechanics, Travel, Natural +History, Adventure, and kindred themes form the principal portion of the +library. The authors engaged are for the most part writers who already +have won attention, but the publishers give a hospitable reception to +all who may have something worth saying to the young, and the power to +say it in good English and in an attractive manner. The books in this +Library are intended particularly for young people, but they will not be +written in what has been well called the _Childese_ dialect. + +The books are illustrated whenever the subject treated needs +illustration; history and travel are accompanied by maps; history and +biography by portraits; but the aim is to make the accompaniments to the +text real additions. + +The publishers hope to have the active cooeperation of parents, teachers, +superintendents, and all who are interested in the formation of good +taste in reading among young people. + + +HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN AND COMPANY, + +_4 Park Street, Boston; 11 East 17th Street, New York._ + +Critical Notices. + + +_FISKE'S War of Independence._ + +John Fiske's book, "The War of Independence," is a miracle. I can never +understand why, when a perfect literary work is issued, all the critics +do not clap their hands! I think it must be because they never read the +books. This story of the war is such a book, brilliant and effective +beyond measure. It should be read by every voter in the United States. +It is a statement that every child can comprehend, but that only a man +of consummate genius could have written.--MRS. CAROLINE H. DALL, in the +Springfield _Republican_. + +The story of the Revolution, as Mr. Fiske tells it, is one of surpassing +interest. His treatment is a marvel of clearness and comprehensiveness; +discarding non-essential details, he selects with a fine historic +instinct the main currents of history, traces them with the utmost +precision, and tells the whole story in a masterly fashion. His little +volume will be a text-book for older quite as much as for young +readers.--_Christian Union._ + + +_SCUDDER'S George Washington._ + +Mr. Scudder's biography of Washington is a fit companion volume for Mr. +Fiske's little history. It tells the story of the great patriot, +soldier, and statesman with simplicity, sincerity, and completeness. It +is not too much to say of these books that they ought to be put into the +hands of every boy and girl, not only because of that which they +contain, but because of the soundness of their form.--_Christian Union_ +(New York). + +Mr. Horace E. Scudder has executed a difficult task in a praiseworthy +manner. In spite of the innumerable lives of the first President, who +shall say anything new of his career and paint it in fresh colors? Mr. +Scudder has been able to do this, and his book will be welcomed by old +and young.--_Boston Beacon._ + + +_MERRIAM'S Birds through an Opera Glass._ + +A capital text-book of the right sort for young observers of Natural +History. By text-book we do not mean a formal school-book, but a book +with a clear method, a capital style, and adequate information. This +little volume describes all the birds to be found in our fields and +woods; describes them, not as an ornithological treatise, but as a +keen-eyed and thoroughly interesting observer would describe them. Such +a volume ought to be the companion of every intelligent boy and girl +during the summer.--_Christian Union_ (New York). + +The book is deserving of praise for its eminently practical nature. The +hints to observers with which it opens, the appendix giving the +classification of birds by general family characteristics, by +localities, by colors, by song, the books of reference, and the index, +all combine to make the book extremely useful.--_The Academy_ +(Syracuse). + +_GREENE'S Coal and the Coal Mines._ + +In the vehicle of the author's terse, vigorous language, the reader is +then taken down into the subterranean passages, where he is almost made +to see the operations of mining the fuel, so vividly and picturesquely +is the information conveyed. Interesting and valuable statistics are +quoted, amusing incidents are related, entertaining descriptions and +wise suggestions are given and made, and, taken altogether, though +dealing largely with what is essentially dry in its nature, the book +makes good reading for the old as well as the young.--_The American_ +(Philadelphia). + +All kinds of science and scientific information is, at this day, brought +down from its high points to the lower and more even ground of the young +student's understanding. This book is a good example of that truth. The +exhaustive theme of coal and coal mining is made so concise and simple +that a child can thoroughly comprehend it. The author covers the ground +of study in a simple and interesting way, and furnishes illustrations to +make the words clearer.--_New York School Journal._ + + +_MISS BAMFORD'S Up and Down the Brooks._ + +This is a book which it is a pleasure to read and a duty to praise. Miss +Bamford tells us of her rambles by the California brookside, and her +acquaintances made there; of their habits, their transformations, death +and burial, or happier release after a period of observation by the +captor.... On the whole, we do not know among recent books any more +likely to give pleasure to the nature-loving boy or girl, or more +calculated to stimulate the taste for healthy recreation and good +reading.--_The Nation_ (New York). + +A charming book, full of most fascinating details in the lives of +little-known insects, and opening a rich field of study and interest, +accessible to every country child. It cannot be too highly recommended +to parents. The author has sought out her own subjects, and studied for +herself, and her results are delightful.... We would put the book into +the hands of every girl and boy.--_Epoch_ (New York). + + +_MISS LARCOM'S Recollections of Girlhood._ + +Its unaffected, sincere, pungent style is refreshing indeed after the +introspection, the smirking self-consciousness, the willful mannerisms, +which make of so many autobiographies little more than a pose before a +mirror. More than all, as a vivid, tenderly sympathetic yet +uncompromisingly truthful picture of phases of New England life, in home +and at work, which have now practically ceased to be, the book has a +permanent, one may say an historical value.--_Boston Advertiser._ + +The story is one that will aid other girls to make the most of their +opportunities, and help them in understanding the real value of life. It +is a book that every girl will be better for having read.--_Boston +Herald._ + + +HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN & COMPANY, + +4 PARK ST., BOSTON; 11 EAST 17TH ST., NEW YORK. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Girls and Women, by +Harriet E. Paine (AKA E. 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