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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/19185-h.zip b/19185-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b071665 --- /dev/null +++ b/19185-h.zip diff --git a/19185-h/19185-h.htm b/19185-h/19185-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7609f55 --- /dev/null +++ b/19185-h/19185-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2482 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=US-ASCII" /> +<title>Santa Teresa</title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + P { margin-top: .75em; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + H1, H2 { + text-align: center; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + } + H3, H4 { + text-align: left; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; + } + BODY{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + TD { vertical-align: top; } + .blkquot {margin-left: 4em; margin-right: 4em;} /* block indent */ + + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + + .pagenum {position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + color: gray;} + + .citation {vertical-align: super; + font-size: .8em; + text-decoration: none;} + // --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> +</head> +<body> +<h2> +<a href="#startoftext">Santa Teresa, by Alexander Whyte</a> +</h2> +<pre> +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Santa Teresa, by Alexander Whyte, et al + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Santa Teresa + an Appreciation: with some of the best passages of the Saint's Writings + + +Author: Alexander Whyte + + + +Release Date: September 5, 2006 [eBook #19185] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SANTA TERESA*** +</pre> +<p><a name="startoftext"></a></p> +<p>Transcribed from the 1900 Oliphant Anderson & Ferrier +edition by David Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>THEODIDACTA</i></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>AFFICIENS</i></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>INFLAMMANS</i></p> +<h1>Santa Teresa: an Appreciation</h1> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>With some of the best passages +of the Saint’s Writings Selected Adapted and Arranged by<br +/> +Alexander Whyte<br /> +</i><span class="smcap"><i>d.d.</i></span></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>Oliphant Anderson & +Ferrier</i><br /> +<i>Saint Mary Street</i>, <i>Edinburgh</i>, <i>and</i><br /> +21 <i>Paternoster Square</i>, <i>London</i><br /> +1900</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>Third Edition</i><br /> +<i>Completing</i> 6000 <i>copies</i></p> +<p style="text-align: center">Edinburgh: T. and A. <span +class="smcap">Constable</span>, Printers to her Majesty</p> +<h2><!-- page 1--><a name="page1"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +1</span>APPRECIATION AND INTRODUCTION</h2> +<p>With a view to the work of my classes this session, I took old +Abraham Woodhead’s two black-letter quartos with me to the +Engadine last July. And I spent every rainy morning and +every tired evening of that memorable holiday month in the +society of Santa Teresa and her excellent old-English +translator. Till, ever, as I crossed the Morteratch and the +Roseg, and climbed the hills around Maloggia and Pontresina, a +voice would come after me, saying to me, Why should you not share +all this spiritual profit and intellectual delight with your +Sabbath evening congregations, and with your young men’s +and young women’s classes? Why should you not +introduce Santa Teresa to her daughters in Edinburgh? For +her daughters they are, so soon and as long as they live in +self-knowledge and in self-denial, in humility and in meekness, +and especially in unceasing prayer for themselves and for +others. <!-- page 2--><a name="page2"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 2</span>And I am not without some assurance +that in this present lecture I am both hearing and obeying one of +those same locutions that Teresa heard so frequently, and obeyed +with such instancy and fidelity and fruitfulness.</p> +<p style="text-align: center">* * * * *</p> +<p>Luther was born in 1483, and he nailed his ninety-five theses +to the door of the University Church of Wittenberg on the 31st +October 1517. Loyola was born in 1491, and Xavier in 1506, +and the Society of Jesus was established in 1534. Isabella +the Catholic was born in 1451, and our own Protestant Elizabeth +in 1533. The Spanish Inquisition began to sit in 1483, the +Breviary was finally settled in 1568, and the Armada was +destroyed in 1588. Columbus was born in 1446, and he set +out on his great enterprise in 1492. Cervantes was born in +1547, and the First Part of his immortal work was published in +1605. And it is to be read in Santa Teresa’s Breviary +to this day that Teresa the Sinner was born on the 29th day of +March 1515, at five o’clock in the morning. She died +in 1582, and in 1622 she was publicly canonised at Rome along +with Loyola and Xavier and two other Spanish saints.</p> +<p>Teresa was greatly blessed in both her <!-- page 3--><a +name="page3"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 3</span>parents. +‘It helped me much that I never saw my father or my mother +respect anything in any one but goodness.’ Her father +was a great reader of the best books, and he took great pains +that his children should form the same happy habit and should +carefully cultivate the same excellent taste. Her mother, +while a Christian gentlewoman of the first social standing, did +not share her husband’s love of serious literature. +She passed far too much of her short lifetime among the romances +of the day, till her daughter has to confess that she took no +little harm from the books that did her mother no harm but +pastime to read. As for other things, her father’s +house was a perfect model of the very best morals and the very +best manners. Alonso de Cepeda was a well-born and a +well-bred Spanish gentleman. He came of an ancient and an +illustrious Castilian stock; and, though not a rich man, his +household enjoyed all the nobility of breeding and all the +culture of mind and all the refinement of taste for which Spain +was so famous in that great age. All her days, and in all +her ups and downs in life, we continually trace back to +Teresa’s noble birth and noble upbringing no little of her +supreme stateliness of deportment and serenity of manner <!-- +page 4--><a name="page4"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 4</span>and +chivalry of character. Teresa was a perfect Spanish lady, +as well as a mother in Israel, and no one who ever conversed with +her could for a moment fail to observe that the oldest and best +blood of Spain mantled in her cheek and shone in her eye. A +lion encompassed by crosses was one of the quarters of her +father’s coat of arms. And Teresa took that up and +added out of it a new glory to all her father’s hereditary +honours. For his daughter was all her days a lioness +palisaded round with crosses, till by means of them she was +transformed into a lamb. But, all the time, the lioness was +still lurking there. Teresa’s was one of those +sovereign souls that are born from time to time as if to show us +what our race was created for at first, and for what it is still +destined. She was a queen among women. She was in +intellect the complete equal, and in still better things than +intellect far the superior, of Isabella and Elizabeth +themselves. As she says in an outspoken autobiographic +passage, hers was one of those outstanding and towering souls on +which a thousand eyes and tongues are continually set without any +one understanding them or comprehending them. Her coming +greatness of soul is foreseen by some of her biographers in the +attempt which she <!-- page 5--><a name="page5"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 5</span>made while yet a child to escape away +into the country of the Moors in search of an early martyrdom, so +that she might see her Saviour all the sooner, and stand in His +presence all the purer. ‘A woman,’ says +Crashaw, ‘for angelical height of speculation: for +masculine courage of performance, more than a woman; who, while +yet a child, outran maturity, and durst plot a martyrdom.</p> +<blockquote><p>Scarce had she learnt to lisp the name<br /> +Of martyr, yet she thinks it shame<br /> +Life should so long sport with that breath,<br /> +Which, spent, can buy so brave a death.</p> +<p>Scarce had she blood enough to make<br /> +A guilty sword blush for her sake;<br /> +Yet has she heart dares hope to prove<br /> +How much less strong is death than love.</p> +<p>Be love but there, let poor six years<br /> +Be posed with the maturest fears<br /> +Man trembles at, we straight shall find<br /> +Love knows no nonage, nor the mind.’</p> +</blockquote> +<p>Teresa’s mother died just when her daughter was at that +dangerous age in which a young girl needs a wise mother most; +‘the age when virtue should begin to grow,’ as she +says herself. Teresa was an extraordinarily handsome and +attractive young lady, and the knowledge of that, as she tells +us, made her very vain, and puffed up her heart with foolish +imaginations. <!-- page 6--><a name="page6"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 6</span>She has a powerful chapter in the +opening of her Autobiography on dangerous companionships in the +days of youth. ‘Oh that all parents would take +warning by me, and would look carefully into their +children’s early friendships!’ She suffered +terribly from bad health all her days, and that severe +chastisement began to fall on her while she was yet a beautiful +girl. It was a succession of serious illnesses, taken along +with her father’s scrupulous care over her, that brought +Teresa back to the simple piety of her early childhood, and fixed +her for life in an extraordinary devotion to God, and to all the +things of God. When such a change of heart and character +comes to a young woman among ourselves, she usually seeks out +some career of religion and charity to which she can devote her +life. She is found labouring among the poor and the sick +and the children of the poor, or she goes abroad to foreign +mission work. In Teresa’s land and day a Religious +House was the understood and universal refuge for any young woman +who was in earnest about her duty to God and to her own +soul. In those Houses such young women secluded themselves +from all society and gave themselves up to the care of the poor +and the young. In the more strict and enclosed <!-- page +7--><a name="page7"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 7</span>of those +retreats the inmates never came out of doors at all, but wholly +sequestered themselves up to a secret life of austerity and +prayer. This was the ideal life led in those Houses for +religious women. But Teresa soon found out the tremendous +mistake she had made in leaving her father’s +family-fireside for a so-called Religious House. No sooner +had she entered it than she was plunged headlong into those very +same ‘pestilent amusements,’ the mere approach of +which had made her flee to this supposed asylum. Though she +is composing her Autobiography under the sharp eyes of her +confessors, and while she is writing with a submissiveness and, +indeed, a servility that is her only weakness, Teresa at the same +time is bold enough and honest enough to tell us her own +experiences of monastic life in language of startling strength +and outspokenness. ‘A short-cut to hell. If +parents would take my advice, they would rather marry their +daughters to the very poorest of men, or else keep them at home +under their own eye. If young women will be wicked at home, +their wickedness will not long be hidden at home; but in +monasteries, such as I speak of, their worst wickedness can be +completely covered up from every human eye. And all the +time the poor <!-- page 8--><a name="page8"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 8</span>things are not to blame. They +only walk in the way that is shown them. Many of them are +to be much pitied, for they honestly wish to withdraw from the +world, only to find themselves in ten times worse worlds of +sensuality and all other devilry. O my God! if I might I +would fain speak of some of the occasions of sin from which Thou +didst deliver me, and how I threw myself into them again. +And of the risks I ran of utterly shipwrecking my character and +good name and from which Thou didst rescue me. O Lord of my +soul! how shall I be able to magnify Thy grace in those perilous +years! At the very time that I was offending Thee most, +Thou didst prepare me by a most profound compunction to taste of +the sweetness of Thy recoveries and consolations. In truth, +O my King, Thou didst administer to me the most spiritual and +painful of chastisements: for Thou didst chastise my sins with +great assurances of Thy love and of Thy great mercy. It +makes me feel beside myself when I call to mind Thy great grace +and my great ingratitude.’</p> +<p>This leads us up to the conception and commencement of that +great work to which Teresa dedicated the whole of her after +life,—the reformation and extension of the Religious <!-- +page 9--><a name="page9"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +9</span>Houses of Spain. The root-and-branch reformation of +Luther and his German and Swiss colleagues had not laid much hold +on Spain; and the little hold it had laid on her native land had +never reached to Teresa. Had Luther and Teresa but met: had +Melanchthon and Teresa but met: had the best books of the German +and Swiss Reformation but come into Teresa’s hands: had she +been somewhat less submissive, and somewhat less obedient, and +somewhat less completely the slave of her ecclesiastical +superiors; had she but once entered into that intellectual and +spiritual liberty wherewith Christ makes His people +free,—what a lasting blessing Teresa might have been made +to her native land! But, as it was, Teresa’s +reformation, while it was the salvation of herself and of +multitudes more who came under it, yet as a monastic experiment +and a church movement, it ended in the strengthening and the +perpetuation of that detestable system of intellectual and +spiritual tyranny which has been the death of Spain from that day +to this. Teresa performed a splendid service inside the +Church to which she belonged: but that service was wholly +confined to the Religious Houses that she founded and +reformed. Teresa’s was intended to be a kind of +counter-reformation <!-- page 10--><a name="page10"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 10</span>to the reformation of Luther and +Melanchthon and Valdes and Valera. And such was the talent +and the faith and the energy she brought to bear on the work she +undertook, that, had it been better directed, it might have been +blessed to preserve her beloved native land at the head of modern +Christendom. But, while that was not to be, it is the +immense talent, and the unceasing toil, and the splendid faith +and self-surrender that Teresa brought to bear on her intramural +reformation; and, all through that, on the working out of her own +salvation,—it is all these things that go to make +Teresa’s long life so memorable and so impressive, not only +in her own age and land and church, but wherever greatness of +mind, and nobleness of heart, and sanctity of life, and +stateliness of character are heard of and are esteemed.</p> +<p>Teresa’s intellect, her sheer power of mind, is enough +of itself to make her an intensely interesting study to all +thinking men. No one can open her books without confessing +the spell of her powerful understanding. Her books, before +they were books, absolutely captivated and completely converted +to her unpopular cause many of her most determined enemies. +Again and again and again we find her confessors <!-- page +11--><a name="page11"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 11</span>and +her censors admitting that both her spiritual experiences and her +reformation work were utterly distasteful and very stumbling to +them till they had read her own written account, first of her +life of prayer and then of her reformation work. One after +another of such men, and some of them the highest in learning and +rank and godliness, on reading her autobiographic papers, came +over to be her fearless defenders and fast friends. There +is nothing more delightful in all her delightful Autobiography, +and in the fine ‘censures’ that have been preserved +concerning it, than to read of the great and learned theologians, +the responsible church leaders, and even the secret inquisitors +who came under the charm of her character and the spell of her +pen. ‘She electrifies the will,’ confessed one +of the best judges of good writing in her day. And old +Bishop Palafox’s tribute to Teresa is far too beautiful to +be withheld. ‘What I admire in her is the peace, the +sweetness, and the consolation with which in her writings she +draws us toward the best, so that we find ourselves captured +rather than conquered, imprisoned rather than prisoners. No +one reads the saint’s writings who does not presently seek +God, and no one through her <!-- page 12--><a +name="page12"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 12</span>writings +seeks God who does not remain in love with the saint. I +have not met with a single spiritual man who does not become a +passionate admirer of Santa Teresa. But her writings do not +alone impart a rational, interior, and superior love, but a love +at the same time practical, natural, and sensitive; and my own +experience proves it to me that there exists no one who loves her +but would, if the saint were still in this world, travel far to +see and speak with her.’ I wish much I could add to +that Peter of Alcantara’s marvellous analysis of +Teresa’s experiences and character. Under +thirty-three heads that great saint sums up Teresa’s +character, and gives us a noble, because all unconscious, +revelation of his own. And though Teresa has been dead for +three hundred years, she speaks to this day in that same way: and +that too in quarters in which we would little expect to hear her +voice. In that intensely interesting novel of modern +Parisian life, <i>En Route</i>, Teresa takes a chief part in the +conversion and sanctification of the prodigal son whose return to +his father’s house is so powerfully depicted in that +story. The deeply read and eloquent author of that +remarkable book gives us some of the best estimates and +descriptions of Santa Teresa that <!-- page 13--><a +name="page13"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 13</span>I have +anywhere met with. ‘That cool-headed business woman . +. . that admirable psychologist and of superhuman lucidity . . . +that magnificent and over-awing saint . . . she has verified in +her own case the supernatural experiences of the greatest +mystics,—such are her unparalleled experiences in the +supernatural domain. . . . Teresa goes deeper than any like +writer into the unexplored regions of the soul. She is the +geographer and hydrographer of the sinful soul. She has +drawn the map of its poles, marked its latitudes of contemplation +and prayer, and laid out all the interior seas and lands of the +human heart. Other saints have been among those heights and +depths and deserts before her, but no one has left us so +methodical and so scientific a survey.’ Were it for +nothing else, the chapters on mystical literature in M. +Huysmans’ unfinished trilogy would make it a valued +possession to every student of the soul of man under sin and +under salvation. I await the completion of his +Pilgrim’s Progress with great impatience and with great +expectation.</p> +<p>And then, absolutely possessed as Teresa always is by the most +solemn subjects,—herself, her sin, her Saviour, her +original method of prayer and her unshared experiences in +prayer,—she showers upon us continually <!-- page 14--><a +name="page14"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 14</span>gleams and +glances of the sunniest merriment, amid all her sighs and +tears. She roasts in caustic the gross-minded, and the +self-satisfied, and the self-righteous, as Socrates himself never +roasted them better. Again, like his, her irony and her +raillery and her satire are sometimes so delicate that it quite +eludes you for the first two or three readings of the exquisite +page. And then, when you turn the leaf, she is as +ostentatiously stupid and ignorant and dependent on your superior +mind as ever Socrates himself was. Till I shrewdly suspect +that no little of that ‘obedience’ which so +intoxicated and fascinated her inquisitors, and which to this day +so exasperates some of her biographers, was largely economical +and ironical. Her narrow cell is reported to have often +resounded with peals of laughter to the scandal of some of her +sisters. In support of all that, I have marked a score of +Socratic passages in Woodhead, and Dalton, and Lewis, and Father +Coleridge, and Mrs. Cunninghame Graham. They are very +delicious passages and very tempting. But were they once +begun there would be no end to them. You will believe +Froude, for he is an admitted judge in all matters connected with +the best literature, and he says <!-- page 15--><a +name="page15"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 15</span>in his +<i>Quarterly</i> article on Teresa’s writings, ‘The +best satire of Cervantes is not more dainty.’</p> +<p>The great work to which Teresa gave up her whole life, after +her full conversion, was the purification of the existing +monastic system, and the multiplication and extension of +Religious Houses of the strictest, severest, most secluded, most +prayerful, and most saintly life. She had been told by +those she too much trusted, that the Church of Christ was being +torn in pieces in Germany, and in Switzerland, and in France, and +in England by a great outbreak of heretical error; and, while the +Society of Jesus and the Secret Inquisition were established to +cope with all such heresy, Teresa set herself to counteract it by +a widespread combination of unceasing penance and intercessory +prayer. It was a zeal without knowledge; but there can be +no doubt about the sincerity, the single-mindedness, and the +strength of the zeal. For forty as hard-working years as +ever any woman spent in this world, Teresa laboured according to +her best light to preserve the purity and the unity of the Church +of Christ. And the strength and the sagacity of mind, the +tact, the business talents, the tenacity of will, the patience, +the endurance, the perseverance, <!-- page 16--><a +name="page16"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 16</span>the sleepless +watchfulness, and the abounding prayerfulness that she brought to +bear on the reformation and multiplication of her fortresses of +defence and attack in that holy war, all taken together, make up +one of the most remarkable pages in the whole history of the +Church of Christ. Her difficulties with Rome, with the +Inquisition, with her more immediate superiors, confessors, and +censors, and, most of all, with the ignorance, the stupidity, the +laziness, the malice, and the lies of those monks and nuns whose +reformation she was determined on: her endless journeys: her +negotiations with church-leaders, landowners, and tradesmen in +selecting and securing sites, and in erecting new religious +houses: the adventures, the accidents, the entertainments she met +with: and the fine temper, the good humour, the fascinating +character, the winning manners she everywhere exhibited; and, +withal, her incomparable faith in the Living God, and the +exquisite inwardness, unconquerable assurance, and abounding +fruitfulness of her own and unshared method and secret of +prayer,—had Teresa not lived and died in Spain, and had she +not spent her life and done her work under the Roman obedience, +her name would have been a household word <!-- page 17--><a +name="page17"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 17</span>in +Scotland. As it is, she is not wholly unknown or +unloved. And as knowledge extends, and love, and good-will; +and as suspicion, and fear, and retaliation, and party-spirit die +out among us, the truth about Teresa and multitudes more will +become established on clearer and deeper and broader foundations; +and we shall be able to hail both her and multitudes more like +her as our brothers and sisters in Christ, whom hitherto we have +hated and despised because we did not know them, and had been +poisoned against them. I am a conspicuous case in point +myself. And when I have been conquered by a little +desultory reading and by a little effort after love no man need +despair. And if you will listen to this lecture with a good +and honest heart: with a heart that delights to hear all this +good report about a fellow-believer: then He who has begun that +good work in you will perfect it by books and by lectures like +this, and far better than this, till you are taken absolutely +captive to that charity which rejoiceth not in iniquity, but +rejoiceth in the truth: and which beareth all things, believeth +all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Follow +after charity, and begin with Santa Teresa.</p> +<blockquote><p><!-- page 18--><a name="page18"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 18</span>Forbid it, mighty Love, let no fond +hate<br /> +Of names or words so far prejudicate;<br /> +Souls are not Spaniards too; one friendly flood<br /> +Of baptism blends them all into one blood.<br /> +What soul soe’er in any language can<br /> +Speak heaven like hers, is my soul’s countryman.</p> +</blockquote> +<p>But the greatest and the best talent that God gives to any man +or woman in this world is the talent of prayer. And the +best usury that any man or woman brings back to God when He comes +to reckon with them at the end of this world is a life of +prayer. And those servants best put their Lord’s +money to the exchangers who rise early and sit late, as long as +they are in this world, ever finding out and ever following after +better and better methods of prayer, and ever forming more +secret, more steadfast, and more spiritually fruitful habits of +prayer: till they literally pray without ceasing, and till they +continually strike out into new enterprises in prayer, and new +achievements, and new enrichments. It was this that first +drew me to Teresa. It was her singular originality in +prayer and her complete captivity to prayer. It was the +time she spent in prayer, and the refuge, and the peace, and the +sanctification, and the power for carrying on hard and unrequited +work that she all her life found in prayer. It was her +fidelity and her <!-- page 19--><a name="page19"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 19</span>utter surrender of herself to this +first and last of all her religious duties, till it became more a +delight, and, indeed, more an indulgence, than a duty. With +Teresa it was prayer first, and prayer last, and prayer +always. With Teresa literally all things were sanctified, +and sweetened, and made fruitful by prayer. In +Teresa’s writings prayer holds much the same place that it +holds in the best men and women of Holy Scripture. If I +were to say that about some of the ladies of the Scottish +Covenant, you would easily believe me. But you must believe +me when I tell you that about a Spanish lady, second to none of +them in holiness of life, even if her holy life is not all cast +in our mould. All who have read the autobiographic +<i>Apologia</i> will remember the fine passage in which its +author tells us that ever since his conversion there have been +two, and only two, absolutely self-luminous beings in the whole +universe of being to him,—God and his own soul. Now, +I do not remember that Newman even once speaks about Teresa in +any of his books, but I always think of him and her together in +this great respect. <span class="smcap">God</span> is to +them both, and to them both He is a rewarder of them that +diligently seek Him. And it is just here, at the very +commencement and centre of divine things, that we all make <!-- +page 20--><a name="page20"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +20</span>such shipwreck and come so short. The sense of the +reality of divine and unseen things in Teresa’s life of +prayer is simply miraculous in a woman still living among things +seen and temporal. Her faith is truly the substance of +things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen. Our +Lord was as real, as present, as near, as visible, and as affable +to this extraordinary saint as ever He was to Martha, or Mary, or +Mary Magdalene, or the woman of Samaria, or the mother of +Zebedee’s children. She prepared Him where to lay His +head; she sat at His feet and heard His word. She chose the +better part, and He acknowledged to herself and to others that +she had done so. She washed His feet with her tears, and +wiped them with the hair of her head. She had been forgiven +much, and she loved much. He said to her, Mary, and she +answered Him, Rabboni. And He gave her messages to deliver +to His disciples, who had not waited for Him as she had +waited. Till she was able to say to them all that she had +seen the Lord, and that He had spoken such and such things within +her. And hence arises what I may call the quite +extraordinary purity and spirituality of her life of +prayer. ‘Defecate’ is Goodwin’s favourite +and constant word for the purest, the most <!-- page 21--><a +name="page21"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 21</span>rapt, the +most adoring, and the most spiritual prayer. ‘I have +known men’—it must have been himself—‘who +came to God for nothing else but just to come to Him, they so +loved Him. They scorned to soil Him and themselves with any +other errand than just purely to be alone with Him in His +presence. Friendship is best kept up, even among men, by +frequent visits; and the more free and defecate those frequent +visits are, and the less occasioned by business, or necessity, or +custom they are, the more friendly and welcome they +are.’ Now, I have sometimes wondered what took Teresa +so often, and kept her so long, alone with God. Till I +remembered Goodwin’s classical passages about defecated +prayer, and understood something of what is involved and what is +to be experienced in pure and immediate communion with God. +And, then, from all that it surely follows, that no one is fit +for one moment to have an adverse or a hostile mind, or to pass +an adverse or a hostile judgment, on the divine manifestations +that came to Teresa in her unparalleled life of prayer; no one +who is not a man of like prayer himself; no, nor even then. +I know all the explanations that have been put forward for +Teresa’s ‘locutions’ and revelations; but after +anxiously weighing <!-- page 22--><a name="page22"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 22</span>them all, the simplest explanation is +also the most scientific, as it is the most scriptural. If +our ascending Lord actually said what He is reported to have said +about the way that He and His Father will always reward all love +to Him, and the keeping of all His commandments; then, if there +is anything true about Teresa at all, it is this, that from the +day of her full conversion she lived with all her might that very +life which has all these transcendent promises spoken and sealed +to it. By her life of faith and prayer and personal +holiness, Teresa made herself ‘capable of God,’ as +one describes it, and God came to her and filled her with Himself +to her utmost capacity, as He said He would. At the same +time, much as I trust and honour and love Teresa, and much good +as she has been made of God to me, she was still, at her best, +but an imperfectly sanctified woman, and her rewards and +experiences were correspondingly imperfect. But if a holy +life before such manifestations were made to her, and a still +holier life after them—if that is any test of the truth and +reality of such transcendent and supernatural matters,—on +her own humble and adoring testimony, and on the now extorted and +now spontaneous testimony of absolutely all who lived near her, +<!-- page 23--><a name="page23"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +23</span>still more humility, meekness, lowly-mindedness, +heavenly-mindedness and prayerfulness demonstrably followed those +inward and spiritual revelations to her of her Lord. In +short and in sure, ye shall know them by their fruits. Do +men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? On the +whole, then, I for one am strongly disposed toward Teresa, even +in the much-inculpated matter of her inward voices and +visions. The wish may very possibly be father to the +thought: but my thought leans to Teresa, even in her most +astounding locutions and revelations; they answer so entirely to +my reading of our Lord and of His words. I take sides, on +the whole, with those theologians of her day, who began by +doubting, but ended by believing in Teresa and by imitating +her. They were led to rejoice that any contemporary and +fellow-sinner had attained to such fellowship with God: and I am +constrained to take sides with them. ‘One day, in +prayer, the sweetness was so great that I could not but contrast +it with the place I deserved in hell. The sweetness and the +light and the peace were so great that, compared with it, +everything in this world is vanity and lies. I was filled +with a new reverence for God. I saw His majesty and His +power in a way I cannot <!-- page 24--><a name="page24"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 24</span>describe, and the vision kept me in +great tenderness and joy and humility. I cannot help making +much of that which led me so near to God. I knew at that +great moment what it is for a soul to be in the very presence of +God Himself. What must be the condescension of His majesty +seeing that in so short a time He left so great an impression and +so great a blessing on my soul! O my Lord, consider who she +is upon whom Thou art bestowing such unheard-of blessings! +Dost Thou forget that my soul has been an abyss of sin? How +is this, O Lord, how can it be that such great grace has come to +the lot of one who has so ill deserved such things at Thy +hands!’ He who can read that, and a hundred passages +as good as that, and who shall straightway set himself to sneer +and scoff and disparage and find fault, he is well on the way to +the sin against the Holy Ghost. At any rate, I would be if +I did not revere and love and imitate such a saint of God. +Given God and His Son and His Holy Spirit: given sin and +salvation and prayer and a holy life; and, with many drawbacks, +Teresa’s was just the life of self-denial and repentance +and prayer and communion with God that we should all live. +It is not Teresa who is to be bemoaned and blamed and called bad +names. <!-- page 25--><a name="page25"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 25</span>It is we who do all that to her who +are beside ourselves. It is we who need the beam to be +taken out of our own eye. Teresa was a mystery and an +offence; and, again, an encouragement and an example to the +theologians and the inquisitors of her day just as she still is +in our day. She was a stumbling-stone, or an ensample, +according to the temper and disposition and character of her +contemporaries, and she is the same to-day.</p> +<p>The pressing question with me is not the truth or the +falsehood, the amount of reality or the amount of imagination in +Teresa’s locutions and visions. The pressing question +with me is this,—Why it is that I have nothing to show to +myself at all like them. I think I could die for the truth +of my Lord’s promise that both He and His Father will +manifest Themselves to those who love Him and keep His words; but +He never manifests Himself, to be called manifestation, to +me. I am driven in sheer desperation to believe such +testimonies and attainments as those of Teresa, if only to +support my failing faith in the words of my Master. I had +rather believe every syllable of Teresa’s so-staggering +locutions and visions than be left to this, that ever since Paul +and John went home to heaven our Lord’s greatest promises +<!-- page 26--><a name="page26"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +26</span>have been so many idle words. It is open to any +man to scoff and sneer at Teresa’s extraordinary life of +prayer, and at the manifestations of the Father and the Son that +were made to her in her life of prayer, and some of her +biographers and censors among ourselves have made good use of +their opportunity. But I cannot any longer sit with them in +the seat of the scorner, and I want you all to rise up and leave +that evil seat also. Lord, how wilt Thou manifest Thyself +in time to come to me? How shall I attain to that faith and +to that love and to that obedience which shall secure to me the +long-withheld presence and indwelling of the Father and the +Son?</p> +<p>* * * * *</p> +<p>Teresa’s <i>Autobiography</i>, properly speaking, is not +an autobiography at all, though it ranks with <i>The +Confessions</i>, and <i>The Commedia</i>, and <i>The Grace +Abounding</i>, and <i>The Reliquiae</i>, as one of the very best +of that great kind of book. It is not really Teresa’s +<i>Life Written by Herself</i>, though all that stands on its +title-page. It is only one part of her life: it is only her +life of prayer. The title of the book, she says in one +place, is not her life at all, but <i>The Mercies of +God</i>. Many other matters come up incidentally in this +delightful book, but the whole drift and <!-- page 27--><a +name="page27"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 27</span>the real +burden of the book is its author’s life of prayer. +Her attainments and her experiences in prayer so baffled and so +put out all her confessors that, at their wits’ end, they +enjoined her to draw out in writing a complete account of a +secret life, the occasional and partial discovery of which so +amazed, and perplexed, and condemned them. And thus it is +that we come to possess this unique and incomparable +autobiography: this wonderful revelation of Teresa’s soul +in prayer. It is a book in which we see a woman of +sovereign intellectual ability working out her own salvation in +circumstances so different from our own that we have the greatest +difficulty in believing that it was really salvation at all she +was so working out. Till, as we read in humility and in +love, we learn to separate-off all that is local, and secular, +and ecclesiastical, and circumstantial, and then we immensely +enjoy and take lasting profit out of all that which is so truly +Catholic and so truly spiritual. Teresa was an +extraordinary woman in every way: and that comes out on every +page of her Autobiography. So extraordinary that I confess +there is a great deal that she tells us about herself that I do +not at all understand. She was Spanish, and we are +Scottish. She and we are wide as the poles <!-- page +28--><a name="page28"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +28</span>asunder. Her lot was cast of God in the sixteenth +century, whereas our lot is cast in the nineteenth. She was +a Roman Catholic mystic, and we are Evangelical +Protestants. But it is one of the great rewards of studying +such a life as Teresa’s to be able to change places with +her so as to understand her and love her. She was, without +any doubt or contradiction, a great saint of God. And a +great saint of God is more worthy of our study and admiration and +imitation and love than any other study or admiration or +imitation or love on the face of the earth. And the further +away such a saint is from us the better she is for our study and +admiration and imitation and love, if we only have the sense and +the grace to see it.</p> +<p>Cervantes himself might have written Teresa’s <i>Book of +the Foundations</i>. Certainly he never wrote a better +book. For myself I have read Teresa’s +<i>Foundations</i> twice at any rate for every once I have read +Cervantes’ masterpiece. For literature, for humour, +for wit, for nature, for photographic pictures of the time and +the people, her <i>Foundations</i> are a masterpiece also: and +then, Teresa’s pictures are pictures of the best people in +Spain. And there was no finer people in the whole of +Christendom <!-- page 29--><a name="page29"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 29</span>in that day than the best of the +Spanish people. God had much people in the Spain of that +day, and he who is not glad to hear that will never have a place +among them. The Spain of that century was full of family +life of the most polished and refined kind. And, with all +their declensions and corruptions, the Religious Houses of Spain +enclosed multitudes of the most saintly men and women. +‘I never read of a hermit,’ said Dr. Johnson to +Boswell in St. Andrews, ‘but in imagination I kiss his +feet: I never read of a monastery, but I could fall on my knees +and kiss the pavement. I have thought of retiring myself, +and have talked of it to a friend, but I find my vocation is +rather in active life.’ It was such monasteries as +Teresa founded and ruled and wrote the history of that made such +a sturdy Protestant as Dr. Johnson was say such a thing as +that. <i>The Book of the Foundations</i> is Teresa’s +own account, written also under superior orders, of that great +group of religious houses which she founded and administered for +so many years. And the literature into which she puts all +those years is literature of the first water. A thousand +times I have been reminded of Don Quixote and Sancho Panza as I +read Teresa’s account <!-- page 30--><a +name="page30"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 30</span>of her +journeys, and of the people, and of the escapades, and of the +entertainments she met with. Yes, quite as good as +Cervantes! yes, quite as good as Goldsmith!—I have caught +myself exclaiming as I read and laughed till the tears ran down +my cheeks. This is literature, this is art without the art, +this is literary finish without the labour: and all laid out to +the finest of all uses, to tell of the work of God, and of all +the enterprises, providences, defeats, successes, recompenses, +connected with it. The <i>Foundations</i> is a Christian +classic even in Woodhead’s and Dalton’s and David +Lewis’s English, what must it then be to those to whom +Teresa’s exquisite Spanish is their mother-tongue!</p> +<p>If Vaughan had but read <i>The Foundations</i>, which he is +honest enough to confess he had only glanced at in a French +translation, it would surely have done something to make him +reconsider the indecent and disgraceful attack which he makes on +Teresa. His chapter on Teresa is a contemptuous and a +malicious caricature. Vaughan has often been of great +service to me, but if I had gone by that misleading chapter, I +would have lost weeks of most intensely interesting and +spiritually profitable reading. Vaughan’s extravagant +misrepresentation <!-- page 31--><a name="page31"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 31</span>of Teresa will henceforth make me +hesitate to receive his other judgments till I have read the +books myself. I shall not tarry here to controvert +Vaughan’s utterly untruthful chapter on Teresa, I shall +content myself with setting over against it Crashaw’s +exquisite <i>Hymn</i> and <i>Apology</i>, and especially his +magnificent <i>Flaming Heart</i>.</p> +<p>Teresa’s <i>Way of Perfection</i> is a truly fine book: +full of freshness, suggestiveness, and power. So much so, +that I question if William Law’s <i>Christian +Perfection</i> would ever have been written, but that Teresa had +written on that same subject before him. I do not say that +Law plagiarised from Teresa, but some of his very best passages +are plainly inspired by his great predecessor. You will +thank me for the following eloquent passage from Mrs. Cunninghame +Graham, which so felicitously characterises this great book, and +that in language such as I could not command. ‘To my +thinking Teresa is at her best in her <i>Way of Perfection</i> +with its bursts of impassioned eloquence; its shrewd and caustic +irony; its acute and penetrating knowledge of human character, +the same in the convent as in the world; above all in its +sympathetic and tender instinct for the needs and difficulties of +her <!-- page 32--><a name="page32"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +32</span>daughters. <i>The Perfection</i> represents the +finished and magnificent fabric of the spiritual life. Her +words ring with a strange terseness and earnestness as she here +pens her spiritual testament. She points out the +mischievous foibles, the little meannesses, the spirit of +cantankerousness and strife, which long experience of the +cloister had shown her were the besetting sins of the conventual +life. She places before them the loftier standard of the +Cross. Her words, direct and simple, ring out true and +clear, producing somewhat the solemn effect of a Commination +Service.’ Strong as that estimate is, <i>The +Perfection</i> deserves every word of it and more.</p> +<p>Teresa thought that her <i>Mansions</i> was one of her two +best books, but she was surely far wrong in that. <i>The +Mansions</i>, sometimes called <i>The Interior Castle</i>, to me +at any rate, is a most shapeless, monotonous, and wearisome +book. Teresa had a splendid imagination, but her +imagination had not the architectonic and dramatic quality that +is necessary for carrying out such a conception as that is which +she has laid in the ground-plan of this book. No one who +has ever read <i>The Purgatorio</i> or <i>The Holy War</i> could +have patience with the shapeless and inconsequent +<i>Mansions</i>. There is nothing that is new <!-- page +33--><a name="page33"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 33</span>in +the matter of the <i>Mansions</i>; there is nothing that is not +found in a far better shape in some of her other books; and one +is continually wearied out by her utter inability to handle the +imagery which she will not let alone. At the same time, the +persevering reader will come continually on characteristic things +that are never to be forgotten as he climbs with Teresa from +strength to strength on her way to her Father’s House.</p> +<p>To my mind Teresa is at her very best, not in her +<i>Mansions</i> which she made so much of, but in her +<i>Letters</i> which she made nothing of. I think I prefer +her <i>Letters</i> to all her other books. A great service +was done to this fine field of literature when Teresa’s +letters were collected and published. What +Augustine’s editor has so well said about Augustine’s +letters I would borrow and would apply to Teresa’s +letters. All her other works receive fresh light from her +letters. The subjects of her more elaborate writings are +all handled in her letters in a far easier, a far more natural, +and a far more attractive manner. It is in her letters that +we first see the size and the strength and the sweep of her mind, +and discover the deserved deference that is paid to her on all +hands. Burdened churchmen, inquiring students in <!-- page +34--><a name="page34"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 34</span>the +spiritual life, perplexed confessors, angry and remonstrating +monks, husbands and wives, matrons and maidens, all find their +way to Mother Teresa. Great bundles of letters are +delivered at the door of her cell every day, and she works at her +answers to those letters till a bird begins to flutter in the top +of her head, after which her physician will not suffer her to +write more than twelve letters at a downsitting. And what +letters they are, all sealed with the name of <span +class="smcap">Jesus</span>—she will seal now with no other +seal. What letters of a strong and sound mind go out under +that seal! What a business head! What shrewdness, +sagacity, insight, frankness, boldness, archness, raillery, +downright fun! And all as full of splendid sense as an egg +is full of meat. If Andrew Bonar had only read Spanish, and +had edited Teresa’s <i>Letters</i> as he has edited +Rutherford’s, we would have had that treasure in all our +houses. As it is, Father Coleridge long ago fell on the +happy idea of compiling a <i>Life of Teresa</i> out of her extant +letters, and he has at last carried out his idea, if not in all +its original fulness, yet in a very admirable and praiseworthy +way. But I would like to know how many of the boasted +literary and religious people of Edinburgh have bought and read +<!-- page 35--><a name="page35"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +35</span>Father Coleridge’s delightful book. A +hundred? Ten? Five? I doubt it. Or how +many have so much as borrowed from the circulating library Mrs. +Cunninghame Graham’s first-rate book? Of +Teresa’s <i>Letters</i>, that greatest living authority on +Teresa says—‘That long series of epistolary +correspondence, so enchanting in the original. It is in her +letters that Teresa is at her best. They reveal all her +shrewdness about business and money matters; her talent for +administration; her intense interest in life, and in all that is +passing around her. Her letters show Teresa as the +Castilian gentlewoman who not only treats on terms of perfect +equality with people of the highest rank in the kingdom, but is +in the greatest request by them. Her letters, of which +probably only a tithe remains, show us how marvellously the +horizon of her life had expanded, and how rapidly her fame had +grown. Perhaps no more finished specimen of epistolary +correspondence has ever been penned than those letters, written +in the press of multifarious occupations, and often late at night +when the rest of the convent was sleeping.’</p> +<p>Her confessor, who commanded Teresa to throw her <i>Commentary +on the Song of Solomon</i> into the fire, was a sensible man and +a true <!-- page 36--><a name="page36"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 36</span>friend to her reputation, and the nun +who snatched a few leaves out of the fire did Teresa’s fame +no service. Judging of the whole by the part preserved to +us, there must have been many things scattered up and down the +destroyed book well worthy of her best pen. The +‘instance of self-esteem’ which Teresa so +delightfully narrates is well worth all the burnt fingers its +preservation had cost the devoted sister: and up and down the +charred leaves there are passages on conduct and character, on +obedience and humility and prayer, that Teresa alone could have +written. All the same, as a whole, her <i>Commentary on the +Song</i> is better in the fire.</p> +<p>Her <i>Seven Meditations on the Lord’s Prayer</i> ran no +danger of the censor’s fire. I have had occasion to +read all the best expositions of the Lord’s Prayer in our +language, and I am bound to say that for originality and striking +suggestiveness Teresa’s <i>Seven Meditations</i> stands +alone. After I had written that extravagant sentence I went +back and read her little book over again, so sure was I that I +must have overpraised it, and that I would not be believed in +what I have said concerning it. But after another reading +of the <i>Meditations</i> I am emboldened to let the strong +praise stand <!-- page 37--><a name="page37"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 37</span>in all its original strength. I +have passages marked in abundance to prove to demonstration the +estimate I have formed of this beautiful book, but I must forego +myself the pleasure and the pride of quoting them.</p> +<p>Sixteen Augustinian <i>Exclamations after having +Communicated</i>: sixty-nine <i>Advices to Her Daughters</i>, and +a small collection of love-enflamed <i>Hymns</i>, complete what +remains to us of Teresa’s writings.</p> +<p>Teresa died of hard work and worry and shameful neglect, +almost to sheer starvation. But she had meat to eat that +all Anne Bartholomew’s remaining mites could not buy for +her dying mother. And, strong in the strength of that +spiritual meat, Teresa rose off her deathbed to finish her +work. She inspected with all her wonted quickness of eye +and love of order the whole of the House into which she had been +carried to die. She saw everything put into its proper +place, and every one answering to their proper order, after which +she attended the divine offices for the day, and then went back +to her bed and summoned her daughters around her. ‘My +children,’ she said, ‘you must pardon me much; you +must pardon me most of all the bad example I have given +you. Do not imitate me. Do not live as I have <!-- +page 38--><a name="page38"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +38</span>lived. I have been the greatest sinner in all the +world. I have not kept the laws I made for others. I +beseech you, my daughters, for the love of God, to keep the rules +of your Holy Houses as I have never kept them. O my +Lord,’ she then turned to Him and said, ‘the hour I +have so much longed for has surely come at last. The time +has surely come that we shall see one another. My Lord and +Saviour, it is surely time for me to be taken out of this +banishment and be for ever with Thee. The sacrifices of God +are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart, O God, Thou +wilt not despise. Cast me not away from Thy presence, and +take not Thy Holy Spirit away from me. Create in me a clean +heart, O God.’ ‘A broken and a contrite heart; +a broken and a contrite heart,’ was her continual cry till +she died with these words on her lips, ‘A broken and a +contrite heart Thou wilt not despise.’ And, thus, +with the most penitential of David’s penitential Psalms in +her mouth, and with the holy candle of her Church in her hand, +Teresa of Jesus went forth from her banishment to meet her +Bridegroom.</p> +<blockquote><p>O sweet incendiary! shew here thy art<br /> +Upon this carcass of a cold hard heart;<br /> +<!-- page 39--><a name="page39"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +39</span>Let all thy scatter’d shafts of light that play<br +/> +Among the leaves of thy large books of day,<br /> +Combined against this breast at once break in<br /> +And take away from me myself and sin;<br /> +This gracious robbery shall thy bounty be,<br /> +And thy best fortune such fair spoils of me.<br /> +O thou undaunted daughter of desires!<br /> +By all thy dower of lights and fires;<br /> +By all the eagle in thee, all the dove;<br /> +By all thy lives and deaths of love;<br /> +By thy large draughts of intellectual day;<br /> +And all thy thirsts of love more large than they;<br /> +By all thy brim-filled bowls of fierce desire;<br /> +By thy last morning’s draught of liquid fire;<br /> +By the full kingdom of that final kiss<br /> +That seized thy parting soul, and sealed thee His;<br /> +By all the Heavens thou hast in Him,<br /> +(Fair sister of the Seraphim!);<br /> +By all of Him we have in thee;—<br /> +Leave nothing of myself in me.<br /> +Let me so read thy life, that I<br /> +Unto all life of mine may die.</p> +</blockquote> +<h2><!-- page 41--><a name="page41"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +41</span>SOME SELECTED PASSAGES</h2> +<p>* <i>The translations in the following pages are mainly those +of Woodhead and Lewis</i>.</p> +<h3>TERESA ON HERSELF</h3> +<p>I had a father and a mother who both feared God. My +father had his chief delight in the reading of good books, and he +did his best to give his children the same happy taste. +This also helped me much, that I never saw my father or my mother +regard anything but goodness. Though possessing very great +beauty in her youth, my mother was never known to set any store +by it. Her apparel, even in her early married life, was +that of a woman no longer young. Her life was a life of +suffering, her death was most Christian. After my +mother’s removal, I began to think too much about my dress +and my appearance, and I pursued many such like things that I was +never properly warned against, full of mischief though they were +both to myself and to others. I too early learned every +evil from an immoral relative. I was very fond of this +woman’s company. I gossiped and talked with her +continually. She assisted me to all the amusements I loved; +and, what was worse, she found some very evil amusements for me, +and in every way communicated to me her own vanities and +mischiefs. I am amazed to think on the evil that <!-- page +42--><a name="page42"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 42</span>one +bad companion can do; nor could I have believed it, unless I had +known it by experience. The company and the conversation of +this one woman so changed me that scarcely any trace was left in +me of my natural disposition to virtue. I became a perfect +reflection of her and of another who was as bad as she was.</p> +<p>For my education and protection my father sent me to the +Augustinian Monastery, in which children like myself were brought +up. There was a good woman in that religious house, and I +began gradually to love her. How impressively she used to +speak to me of God! She was a woman of the greatest good +sense and sanctity. She told me how she first came to +herself by the mere reading of these words of the Gospel, +‘Many are called and few chosen.’ This good +companionship began to root out the bad habits I had brought to +that house with me; but my heart had by that time become so hard +that I never shed a tear, no, not though I read the whole Passion +through. When at last I entered the Religious House of the +Incarnation for life, our Lord at once made me understand how He +helps those who do any violence to themselves in order to serve +Him. No one observed this violence in me. They saw +nothing in me but the greatest goodwill. At that sore step +I was filled with a joy so great that it has never wholly left me +to this day. God converted the dryness of my soul into the +greatest tenderness, immediately on my taking up that +cross. Everything in religion was now a real delight to +me. I had more pleasure now in sweeping the house than I +had in all the balls and <!-- page 43--><a +name="page43"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 43</span>dances I had +forsaken for His sake. Whenever I remember those early +days, it makes me ready to take up any cross whatsoever. +For I know now by a long and a various experience that His +Majesty richly rewards even in this life all the self-denial that +we do for His sake and service. I know this by many +experiences; and if I were a person who had to advise and guide +God’s people, I would urge them to fear no difficulty +whatsoever in the path of duty: for our God is omnipotent, and He +is on our side. May He be blessed for ever! Amen.</p> +<p>O my supreme Good and my true Rest, I know not how to go on +when I call those happy days to mind, and think of all my evil +life since then! My tears ought to be tears of blood. +My heart ought to break. But Thou, Lord, hast borne with me +for almost twenty years, till I have had time to improve. +And all that it might be better known to me who Thou art and what +I am. Woe is me, my Maker! I have no excuse, I have +only blame. Let Thy mercy, O Lord, rest on me. Other +women there have been who have done great deeds in Thy service, +but I am good only to talk: all my goodness ends in so many +words: that is all my service of Thee, my God. Cost me what +it may, let me not go on coming to Thee with idle words and empty +hands, seeing that the reward of every one will be according to +his works. Depart not from me, and I can do all +things. Depart from me, and I shall return to whence I was +taken, even to hell.</p> +<p>One of the reasons that move me, who am what I am, to write +all this even under obedience, and to <!-- page 44--><a +name="page44"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 44</span>give an +account of my wretched life, and of the graces the Lord hath +wrought in me is this,—and would that I were a person of +authority, and then people would perhaps believe what I +say. This then is what I would say and repeat continually +if any one would hear me. Let no one ever say: If I fall +into sin, I cannot then pray. In this the devil turned his +most dreadful batteries against me. He said to me that it +showed very little shame in me if I could have the face to pray, +who had just been so wicked. And under that snare of Satan +I actually as good as gave up all prayer for a year and a +half. This was nothing else but to throw myself straight +down into hell. O my God, was there ever such madness as +mine! Where could I think to find either pardon for the +past, or power for the time to come, but from Thee? What +folly to the stumbler to run away from the light! Let all +those who would give themselves to prayer, and to a holy life, +look well to this. They should know that when I was +shunning prayer because I was so bad, my badness became more +abandoned than ever it had been before. Rely on the waiting +and abounding goodness of God, which is infinitely greater than +all the evil you can do. When we acknowledge our vileness, +He remembers it no more. I grew weary of sinning before God +grew weary of forgiving my sin. He is never weary of giving +grace, nor are his compassions to be exhausted. May He be +blessed for ever, amen: and may all created things praise +Him!</p> +<p>I have made a vow—[it is known as ‘the Teresian +vow,’ ‘the seraphic vow,’ ‘the most +arduous of vows,’ <!-- page 45--><a name="page45"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 45</span>‘a vow yet unexampled in the +Church’], a vow never to offend God in the very least +matter. I have vowed that I would rather die a thousand +deaths than do anything of that kind, knowing I was doing +it. I am resolved also, never to leave anything whatsoever +undone that I consider to be still more perfect, and more for the +honour of our Lord. Cost me what pain it may, I would not +leave such an act undone for all the treasures of the +world. If I were to do so, I do not think I could have the +face to ask anything of God in prayer: and yet, for all that, I +have many faults and imperfections remaining in me to this +day.</p> +<h3>ON THE GODHEAD</h3> +<p>On one occasion when I was in prayer I had a vision in which I +saw how all things are seen in God. I cannot explain what I +saw, but what I saw remains to this day deeply imprinted on my +soul. It was a great act of grace in God to give me that +vision. It puts me to unspeakable confusion, shame, and +horror whenever I recall that magnificent sight, and then think +of my sin. I believe that had the Lord been pleased to send +me that great revelation of Himself earlier in my life, it would +have kept me back from much sin. The vision was so +delicate, so subtle, and so spiritual, that my hard understanding +cannot, at this distance of time, close with it; but, to make use +of an illustration, it was something like this. Suppose the +Godhead to be a vast globe of light, a globe larger than the <!-- +page 46--><a name="page46"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +46</span>whole world, and that all our actions are seen in that +all-embracing globe. It was something like that I +saw. For I saw all my most filthy actions gathered up and +reflected back upon me from that World of light. I tell you +it was a piteous and a dreadful thing to see. I knew not +where to hide myself, for that shining light, in which was no +darkness at all, held the whole world within it, and all +worlds. You will see that I could not flee from its +presence. Oh that they could be made to see this who commit +deeds of darkness! Oh that they but saw that there is no +place secret from God: but that all they do is done before Him, +and in Him! Oh the madness of committing sin in the +immediate presence of a Majesty so great, and to whose holiness +all our sin is so hateful. In this also I saw His great +mercifulness in that He suffers such a sinner as I am still to +live.</p> +<h3>ON THE SOUL</h3> +<p>O my God, what unspeakable sufferings our souls have to endure +because they have lost their liberty, and are not their own +masters! What tortures come on them through that! I +sometimes wonder how I can live through such agony of soul as I +myself suffer. God be praised who gives me His own life in +my soul, so that I may escape from so deadly a death! My +soul has indeed received great strength from His Divine +Majesty. He has had compassion on my great misery, and has +helped me. Oh, what a distress it is for my soul to have to +return <!-- page 47--><a name="page47"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 47</span>to hold commerce with this world +after having had its conversation in heaven! To have to +play a part in the sad farce of this earthly life! And yet +I am in a strait betwixt two. I cannot run away from this +world. I must remain in it till my discharge comes. +But, meantime, how keen is my captivity; how wretched in my own +soul am I. And one of my worst distresses is this, that I +am alone in my exile. All around me people seem to have +found their aim and end in life in this horrible prison-house, +and to have said, Soul, take thine ease. But the life of my +soul is a life of incessant trouble. The cross is always on +my shoulder; at the same time I surely make some progress. +God is the Soul of my soul. He engulfs into Himself my +soul. He enlightens and strengthens my soul. He +attends to my soul night and day. He gives my soul more and +more grace. This has not come about of myself. No +effort of mine brought this about. His Majesty does it +all. And He has held me by the hand, that I might not go +back. For this reason, it seems to me, the soul in which +God works His grace, if it walks in humility and in fear, it may +be led into whatsoever temptation, and thrown into whatsoever +company, and it will only gain new strength there, and win new +victories and spoils there. Those are strong souls which +are chosen of the Lord to work for the souls of others. At +the same time, their best strength is not their own. All +that such souls ever attain to and perform, all these things only +make them more humble, and therefore more strong; more able to +despise the things of this world, and to lay up their <!-- page +48--><a name="page48"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +48</span>treasure in those things which God hath prepared for +them that love Him. May it please His Majesty that the +great munificence with which He has dealt with my soul, miserable +sinner that I am, may have some weight with some of those who +read this, so that they may be strong and courageous to give up +everything at once and most willingly for such a God!</p> +<h3>ON GOD IN THE SOUL</h3> +<p>This has done me a great deal of good, and it has affected me +much and opened my eyes in many ways. It is an ennobling +thing to think that God is more in the soul of man than He is in +aught else outside of Himself. They are happy people who +have once got a hold of this glorious truth. In particular, +the Blessed Augustine testifies that neither in the house, nor in +the church, nor anywhere else, did he find God, till once he had +found Him in himself. Nor had he need to go up to heaven, +but only down into himself to find God. Nay, he took God to +heaven with him when at last he went there.</p> +<p>Now consider what our Master teaches us to say: ‘Our +Father which art in heaven.’ Think you it concerns +you little to know where and what that heaven is, and where your +Heavenly Father is to be sought and found? I tell you that +for vagrant minds it matters much not only to believe aright +about heaven, but to procure to understand this matter by +experience. It is one of those things that strongly bind +the understanding and recollect the soul. You already <!-- +page 49--><a name="page49"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +49</span>know that God is in all places: in fine, that where God +is there heaven is, and where His Majesty most reveals Himself +there glory is. Consider again what Saint Augustine said, +that he sought God in many places, till at last he came to find +Him within himself. You need not go to heaven to see God, +or to regale yourself with God. Nor need you speak loud as +if He were far away. Nor need you cry for wings like a dove +so as to fly to Him. Settle yourself in solitude, and you +will come upon God in yourself. And then entreat Him as +your Father, and relate to Him your troubles. Those who can +in this manner shut themselves up in the little heaven of their +own hearts, where He dwells who made heaven and earth, let them +be sure that they walk in the most excellent way: they lay their +pipe right up to the fountain. To keep the eyes shut is an +excellent practice in prayer, because it is a summons and an +assistance to turn the eyes of the soul within, where God dwells +and waits in Christ to be gracious. Account thus, that +there is a great and beautiful palace in your soul; that its +structure is all of gold and precious stones; that your gifts and +graces are those shining stones, and that the greater your +virtues are the more those precious stones sparkle. And, +also, that in this palace the Great King is your guest. He +sits on the innermost seat of your heart, and holds it to be His +best and bravest throne. This will seem to some a silly +fiction. And yet, if you will believe it, fiction as it is, +it will help you much; you especially who are women. For we +women sorely want such assistance to our <!-- page 50--><a +name="page50"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +50</span>thoughts. And, God grant that it be only women who +need such assistance to show them how base is the use they make +of themselves. There should be some difference between us, +both men and women, and the brute beasts. The brute beasts +are nowhere said to be temples of God, and they are nowhere +called to account because their god is their belly. O great +God, I tremble to see that I have written such a page as the +above, being such a wretch as I am. My daughters, in their +own goodness, will be tempted to think that all this is true of +myself, and that is a terrible thought to me. On the other +hand, it is true of God and their own souls. Now let men +pass a thousand censures on me, and on my way of teaching the +truth. What of that, if only God and His ways be a little +better known and loved! My sisters, the King is in His +palace all this time. There are hostile invasions of His +borders, and inroads made into His territories, but He abides all +the time on His throne. I smile at the weakness and +unworthiness of all those comparisons of palaces, and thrones, +and shining stones, and enemies on the border. They in no +way satisfy me. But I am a woman, and I can find out no +better words for you women. Think and say of my words what +you please. The thing that I have spoken to you is the +truth.</p> +<h3>ON THE LOVE OF GOD</h3> +<p>The true proficiency of the soul consists not so much in deep +thinking or eloquent speaking or beautiful writing as in much and +warm loving. <!-- page 51--><a name="page51"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 51</span>Now if you ask me in what way this +much and warm love may be acquired, I answer,—By resolving +to do the will of God, and by watching to do His will as often as +occasion offers. Those who truly love God love all good +wherever they find it. They seek all good to all men. +They encourage all good in all men. They commend all good, +they always unite themselves with all good, they always +acknowledge and defend all good. They have no +quarrels. They bear no envy. O Lord, give me more and +more of this blessed love. Grant me grace not to quit this +underworld life till I no longer desire anything, nor am capable +of loving anything, save Thee alone. Grant that I may use +this word ‘love’ with regard to Thee alone, since +there is no solidity for my love to rest on save in Thee. +The soul has her own ways of understanding, and of finding in +herself, by certain signs and great conjectures, whether she +really loves His Divine Majesty or no. Her love is full of +high impulses, and longings to see and to be with and to be like +God. All else tires and wearies out the soul. The +best of created things disappoint and torment the soul. God +alone satisfies the soul, till it is impossible to dissemble or +mistake such a love. When once I came to see the great +beauty of our Lord, it turned all other comeliness to corruption +to me. My heart could rest on nothing and on no one but +Himself. When anything else would enter my heart I had only +to turn my eyes for a moment in upon that Supreme Beauty that was +engraven within me. So that <!-- page 52--><a +name="page52"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 52</span>it is now +impossible that any created thing can so possess my soul as not +to be instantly expelled, and my mind and heart set free by a +little effort to recover the remembrance of the goodness and the +beauty of our Lord. Good God! What a difference there +is between the love of the Creator and the love of the +creature! May His Divine Majesty vouchsafe to let us see +and taste and understand something of this before He takes us out +of this prison-house life, for it will be a magnificent comfort +in the hour of death to know that we are on our way to be judged +by Him whom we have loved above all things. We are not +going to a strange country, since it is His country whom we love +and who loves us. These things being so, I have this very +day solaced my soul with our Lord, and have made my moan to Him +in this manner. O my Lord, why keepest Thou Thy servant in +this miserable life so long, where all is such vexation, and +disappointment, and manifold trouble? And not only keepest +me so long in this banishment, but so hidest Thyself from +me. Is this worthy of Thee and of Thy great goodness? +Were I what Thou art, and wert Thou what I am, Thou wouldest not +have to endure it at my hands. I beseech Thee, O my Lord, +to consider that this is a kind of injury and wrong to proceed +after this manner with one who loves Thee so much. This and +the like have come into my heart to say: though my bed in hell +better becomes me than so to speak to my Lord. At the same +time, the love I bear my Lord sometimes so consumes me that I am +beside myself, till I scarce know what I <!-- page 53--><a +name="page53"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 53</span>say or do; +and then I find myself making such unbecoming complaints that I +am amazed our Lord endures them at my hands. Eternal praise +to so good a Lord!</p> +<h3>ON THE LOVE OF OUR NEIGHBOUR</h3> +<p>There are only two duties that our Lord requires of +us,—the love of God, and the love of our neighbour. +And, in my opinion, the surest sign for discovering our love to +God is our love to our neighbour. And be assured that the +further you advance in the love of your neighbour, the further +you are advancing in the love of God likewise. But, oh me, +how many worms lie gnawing at the roots of our love to our +neighbour! Self-love, self-esteem, fault-finding, envy, +anger, impatience, scorn. I assure you I write this with +great grief, seeing myself to be so miserable a sinner against +all my neighbours. Our Lord, my sisters, expects +works. Therefore when you see any one sick, compassionate +her as if she were yourself. Pity her. Fast that she +may eat. Wake that she may sleep. Again, when you +hear any one commended and praised, rejoice in it as much as if +you were commended and praised yourself. Which, indeed, +should be easy, because where humility truly is, praise is a +torment. Cover also your sister’s defects as you +would have your own defects and faults covered and not +exposed. As often as occasion offers, lift off your +neighbour’s burden. Take it off her heart and on upon +yourself. Satan <!-- page 54--><a name="page54"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 54</span>himself would not be Satan any longer +if he could once love his neighbour as himself.</p> +<p>Endeavour, my daughters, all you can, to be affable to +all. Demean yourselves so that all who have to do with you +may love your conversation, so as to desire after your way of +life. Let no one be affrighted or turned away from the life +of virtue and religion by your gloom and morosity. This +concerns religious women very much. The more holy they are, +the more affable and sociable should they study to be. +Never hold aloof from others because their conversation is not +altogether to your taste. Love them, and they will love +you, and then they will converse with you, and will become like +you, and better than you. Let not your soul coop itself up +in a corner. For, instead of attaining to greater sanctity +in a proud, and disdainful, and impatient seclusion, the devil +will keep you company there, and will do your sequestered soul +much mischief. Bury evil affections in good works. +Wherefore be accessible and affable to all, and all in +love. Love is an endless enchantment, and spell, and +fascination.</p> +<h3>ON OUR SINFULNESS</h3> +<p>This is a very fit place for thinking on our wounds, and +bruises, and putrifying sores: the blindness of our minds, the +depravity and the bondage of our wills, the forgetfulness of our +memories, the slipperiness of our tongues, the levity and +frivolity of our hearts, with all their extravagances, +presumptions, neglects. In fine, let there be no spiritual +wound within us, <!-- page 55--><a name="page55"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 55</span>great or small, old or new, which we +do not daily discover and lay open to our Sovereign Physician, +beseeching of Him a remedy. This day it is very proper to +call to mind the five fountains of our Lord’s wounds, which +are still open, and will remain open till the last day for the +cure of all the sores of our souls. And since out of His +wounds we receive our spiritual health, let us mollify our wounds +with the ointment of mortification and humility and meekness: in +all things always employing ourselves for the benefit of our +neighbour. Since, though we cannot have our Lord visibly +and in presence beside us, we have our neighbour, who for the +ends of love and loving service is as good as our Lord +Himself.</p> +<h3>ON THE WORLD</h3> +<p>I saw that rich and great as she was, she was still a woman, +and as much liable to all manner of passion and all womanly +weakness as I was myself. I saw as I lived in her house +that rank is of little worth, and the higher it is, the greater +the trouble and the anxiety it brings with it. Great people +must be careful of their dignity. It will not suffer them +to live at ease. They must eat at fixed hours and by rule, +for everything must be according to their state, and not +according to their constitutions. And they have frequently +to take food more fitted for their state than for their +liking. So it was that I came to hate the wish to be a +great lady. God deliver me from this artificial and evil +life! Then, as to servants, though this lady has very good +servants, how slight <!-- page 56--><a name="page56"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 56</span>is the trust she is able to put in +them. One must not be conversed with more than the rest, +otherwise he is envied and hated of all the rest. This of +itself is a slavery; and it is another of the lies of the world +to call such people masters and mistresses, who, in reality, are +nothing but slaves in a thousand ways. I really see nothing +good in the world and its ways but this, that it will not +tolerate the smallest fault in those who are not its own. +For by detracting, and fault-finding, and evil-reporting on the +good, the world greatly helps to perfect them. He who will +not die to the world shall die by it. O wretched +world! Bless God, my daughters, that He has chosen and +enabled you to turn your backs for ever on a thing so base. +The world is to be known by this also, that it esteems a man not +by what he is, but by what he possesses: by what is in his purse: +and, that failing, the honour and esteem of the world instantly +fail also. O our Lord; Supreme Power, Supreme Goodness, +Supreme Truth; Thy perfections are without beginning and without +end. They are infinite and incomprehensible. They are +a bottomless ocean of beauty. O my God, that I had the +eloquence of an angel’s speech to set forth Thy goodness +and Thy truth, and to win all men over to Thee!</p> +<h3>ON EVIL-SPEAKING</h3> +<p>After my vow of perfection I spake not ill of any creature, +how little soever it might be. I scrupulously avoided all +approaches to detraction. I had this rule ever present with +me, that I was not <!-- page 57--><a name="page57"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 57</span>to wish, nor assent to, nor say such +things of any person whatsoever, that I would not have them say +of me. And as time went on, I succeeded in persuading those +who were about me to adopt the same habit, till it came to be +understood that where I was absent persons were safe. So +they were also with all those whom I so instructed. Still, +for all that, I have a sufficiently strict account to give to God +for the bad example I am to all about me in some other +respects. May it please His Majesty to forgive me, for I +have been the cause of much evil. For one thing, the devil +sometimes fills me with such a harsh and cruel temper: such a +spirit of anger and hostility at some people, that I could eat +them up and annihilate them. At the same time, concerning +things said of myself in detraction, and they are many, and are +very prejudicial to me, I find myself much improved. These +things make little impression upon me. I am under them as a +deaf man that hears not, and as a man in whose mouth there is no +retaliation. Nay, I almost always see that my greatest +detractors have only too good reason for what they say. In +this way my soul actually gains peace and strength under +detraction, till it becomes a great favour done me, and a great +advantage. Upon betaking myself to prayer, I find in my +heart neither repugnance at my detractors nor enmity. For, +although, when I first hear the detraction, it causes me a little +disconcert, yet not any long-lasting disquiet or +alteration. Nay, sometimes when I see people take pity on +me because of my detractors, I laugh at them, so little do all my +detractors now hurt me.</p> +<h3><!-- page 58--><a name="page58"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +58</span>ON SELF-EXCUSING</h3> +<p>That which I am now to persuade you to, namely, the not +excusing of yourselves, causes a great confusion in me. For +it is a very perfect quality and of great merit; and I ought far +better to practise what I tell you concerning this excellent +virtue. I confess myself to be but little improved in this +noble duty. For it is a mark of the deepest and truest +humility to see ourselves condemned without cause, and to be +silent under it. It is a very noble imitation of our +Lord. Were I truly humble, I would desire disesteem, even +though having in the matter in hand given no real offence. +Here no bodily strength is needed, my daughters, nor any +one’s assistance, but God’s. How well is this +written, and how ill is it practised by the writer! Indeed, +I never could make trial of this grace in any matter of +consequence, because I never heard of any one speaking ill of me, +but I immediately saw how far short he came of the full +truth. For, if he was wrong or exaggerated in his +particulars, I had offended God much more in other matters that +my detractor knew nothing about. And, methought, God +favoured me much in not proclaiming my secret sins to all +men. And, thus, I am very glad that my detractor should +ever report a trifling lie about me, rather than the terrible +truth.</p> +<p>O my Lord, when I remember in how many ways Thou didst suffer +detraction and misrepresentation, who in no way deserved it, I +know not where my senses are when I am in such a haste to defend +and <!-- page 59--><a name="page59"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +59</span>excuse myself. Is it possible that I should desire +any one to speak any good of me, or to think it, when so many ill +things were thought and spoken of Thee! What is this, O +Lord; what do we imagine to get by pleasing worms, or being +praised by them? What about being blamed by all men, if +only we stand at last blameless before Thee!</p> +<h3>ON PRAISE, PRECEDENCY, AND POINTS OF HONOUR</h3> +<p>Observe carefully the stirrings of your heart in matters of +superiority. Pray to be delivered from such thoughts as +these: I am older. I deserve better. I have laboured +more. I have more talent. Such thoughts are the +plague and poison of the heart. Believe me, if there remain +in you any allowed hankerings after the praises of men, though +you may have spent many years in prayer, or rather in idle forms +of prayer, you have made no progress, and never will, till your +heart is crucified to the approval and the praise of men. +If you feel in yourself any point of honour, any pride, any +desire of eminence or pre-eminence, you must free yourself from +that abominable bondage, and for that chain there is no hammer +and file like humility and prayer. Among the rest of my +great imperfections this was one. I had very little +knowledge of my Breviary, or of that which was to be sung in the +choir, and all the while I saw that some other novices could +instruct me. But I was too proud to ask any +questions. I was afraid that my great ignorance should be +discovered. Shortly afterwards a good example was set <!-- +page 60--><a name="page60"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +60</span>before me, and then, when God had once opened my eyes to +my sinful pride, I was content to ask information and the help +even of little children. And yet,—and this surprised +me, I lost no credit or honour thereby. Nay, it seemed to +me that my Lord after that gave me better skill and a better +memory. I could sing but very ill, and I was troubled at +this, not because I failed in my worship of God, but because so +many heard me, and thus I was disturbed on the mere point of +honour and praise. I told them that I could not do what +others did, and what was expected of me. At first I had +some difficulty in this, but it soon became both natural and +pleasant to me to tell the truth. By these +nothings,—and they are really nothings, and I am +sufficiently nothing when such things could put me to so much +pain,—and by little and little His Divine Majesty +vouchsafed to supply me with strength. I was never good at +the choir, but I tried to do my part for it in folding up the +mantles of the singers; and, methought, in that I was serving the +angels of God who so well praised Him. I did that also by +stealth, such was my pride, and my pride was hurt when they +discovered what I did. O my Lord, who that ever reads this +can fail to despise and abhor me? I beseech Thy Divine +Majesty that I may soon be able to leave all such vanities as the +praise and blame of men, and seek Thy praise only! And then +add this, which is worth knowing. The devil will not dare +to tempt one to pride or precedency who is truly humble because, +being very crafty, he fears defeat. If you are truly +humble, you will only grow <!-- page 61--><a +name="page61"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 61</span>in that grace +by every temptation to pride or praise. For, immediately on +the temptation, you will reflect on your whole past life and +present character, and on the stupendous humility of Jesus +Christ. And by these considerations your tempted soul will +come off so victorious, that the enemy will think twice before he +comes back, for fear of a broken head.</p> +<h3>ON HUMILITY</h3> +<p>Keep yourselves, my daughters, from that false humility which +the devil suggests concerning the greatness of your sins. +For hereby he is wont to disquiet our souls after sundry sorts, +and to draw us off Holy Communion, and also from prayer. It +is sometimes a great and a true humility to esteem ourselves as +bad as may be, but at other times it is a false and a spurious +humility. I know it, for I have experienced it. True +humility, however great, does not disquiet nor disorder the +soul. It comes with great peace, and great serenity, and +great delight. Though we should see our utter wickedness, +and how truly we deserve to be in hell, and think that both God +and man must despise and abhor us; yet, if this be a true +humility, it comes with a certain sweetness and satisfaction +attending it. This humility does not stifle nor crush the +soul. It rather dilates the soul, and disposes the soul for +the better service of God. While that other sorrow troubles +all, and confounds all, and destroys all. It is the +devil’s humility when he gets us to distrust God. +When you find yourselves thus, lay aside all thinking on <!-- +page 62--><a name="page62"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +62</span>your own misery, and meditate on the infinite mercy of +God, and on the inexhaustible merit and grace of Jesus +Christ.</p> +<p>I was once considering what the reason was why our Lord loved +humility in us so much, when I suddenly remembered that He is +essentially the Supreme Truth, and that humility is just our +walking in the truth. For it is a very great truth that we +have no good in us, but only misery and nothingness, and he who +does not understand this walks in lies: but he who understands +this the best is the most pleasing to the Supreme Truth. +May God grant us this favour, sisters, never to be without the +humbling knowledge of ourselves.</p> +<p>O Sovereign Virtues! O Ladies of all the +creatures! O Empresses of the whole world! Whoever +hath you may go forth and fight boldly with all hell at +once. Let your soldiers not fear, for victory is already +theirs. They only fear to displease God. They +constantly beseech Him to maintain all the virtues in them. +It is true these virtues have this property, to hide themselves +from him who possesses them, so that he never sees them in +himself, nor thinks that he can ever possess a single one of +them. Other men see all the virtues in him, but he so +values them that he still pursues them, and seeks them as +something never to be attained by such as he is. And +Humility is one of them, and is Queen and Empress and Sovereign +over them all. In fine, one act of true humility in the +sight of God is of more worth than all the knowledge, sacred and +profane, in the whole world.</p> +<h3><!-- page 63--><a name="page63"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +63</span>ON SORROW FOR SIN</h3> +<p>It is indeed a very great misery to live on in this evil world +where our enemies are ever at our gate, and where we can neither +eat nor sleep in peace, but are compelled to have our armour on +night and day. There is no rest here, nor happiness, nor +will be till we are with the Everlastingly Blessed. As I +write I am seized with terror, lest I should never escape this +sinful life. Pray for me, my daughters, that Christ may +ever live in me: for, otherwise, what security can there be for +such as I am, who have been so wicked. You may sometimes +have thought, my daughters, that those to whom the Lord +particularly communicates Himself, will be henceforth secure of +enjoying Him for ever, and that they will have no need to fear or +bewail their former sins. But this is a great +mistake. Sorrow for sin increases in proportion as more and +more grace is received from God. And I, for my part, +believe, that this bitter sorrow will never leave us till we come +where neither sin nor anything else will ever disquiet us. +True, both past sin, and present sinfulness, affect us more at +one time than at another; and, likewise, in a different +manner. I know one who often wishes for death, that she may +be freed from the torment of her sinful heart. No +one’s sins can equal hers, because there can be no one who +has obtained such favours of her God. Her fear is not so +much of hell, as that she should so grieve God’s Holy +Spirit, that He will be wearied out, and will forsake her, and +leave her in her sins. This fear and pain is <!-- page +64--><a name="page64"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 64</span>not +at all eased by believing that her past sins have all been +forgiven and forgotten of God. Nay, her fear and pain but +increase by seeing such mercy extended toward a woman who +deserves nothing but hell.</p> +<h3>ON LEARNING AND INTELLECT</h3> +<p>I always had a great respect and affection for intellectual +and learned men. It is my experience that all who intend to +be true Christians will do well to treat with men of mind and +books about their souls. The more learning our preachers +and pastors have the better. For if they have not much +experience themselves, yet they know the Scriptures and the +recorded experiences of the saints better than we do. The +devil is exceedingly afraid of learning, especially where it is +accompanied with humility and virtue. For my own part, I +bless God continually, and we women, and all such as are not +ourselves intellectual or learned, are always to give God +infinite thanks that there are some men in the world who take +such great pains to attain to that knowledge which we need but do +not possess. And it delights me to see men taking the +immense trouble they do take to bring me so much profit, and that +without any trouble to me. I have only to sit still and +hear them. I have only to come and ask them a +question. Let us pray for our teachers, for what would we +do without them. I beseech the Lord to bless our teachers, +that they may be more and more a blessing to us.</p> +<p><!-- page 65--><a name="page65"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +65</span>When I spoke of humility, it must not be understood as +if I spoke against aspiring after the highest things that mind +and heart and life can attain to. For though I have no +ability for the wisdom and the knowledge of God myself, and am so +miserable that God did me a great favour in teaching me the very +lowliest truths: yet, in my judgment, learning and knowledge are +very great possessions, and a great assistance in the life of +prayer, if only they are always accompanied with humility. +I have of late seen some very learned men become in addition very +spiritual and prayerful men. And that makes me pray that +all our men of mind and learning may soon become spiritual men +and men of much prayer.</p> +<p>Let no one be admitted into this House unless she is a woman +of a sound understanding. For if she is without mind she +will neither know herself, nor understand her teachers. For +the most part they that are defective in mind ever think that +they understand things better than their teachers. And +ignorance and self-conceit is a disease that is incurable; and +besides, it usually carries great malice along with it. +Many speak much and understand little. Others, again, speak +little and not very elegantly, and yet they have a sound +understanding. There is such a thing as a holy simplicity +that knows little of anything but of how to treat with God. +At the same time commend me to holy people of good heads. +From silly devotees, may God deliver us! While all that is +true, in the very act of prayer itself there is little necessity +for learning, for the mind then, because of its nearness to the +light, is itself immediately <!-- page 66--><a +name="page66"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +66</span>illuminated. I myself, who am what I am, even I am +a different person in prayer. It has often happened to me, +who scarcely understand a word of what I read in Latin, when in +deep prayer, to understand the Latin Psalms as if they were +Spanish. At the same time, even for prayer, let those who +have to teach and preach take full advantage of their learning, +that they may help poor people of little learning, of whom I am +one. Ministering with all learning and all intellectual +ability to souls is a great thing, when it is done unto +God. I have many experiences in prayer that I do not +understand, and cannot explain or defend. Our Lord has not +been pleased to give me the full intellectual understanding of +all His dealings with me. That is the truth. Though +you, my father, may think that I have a quick understanding, it +is in reality not so. Sometimes my advisers used to be +amazed at my ignorance how God carried on His work within +me. It was there, but the way of it was a great deep to +me. I could neither wade out unto God, nor down into +myself. Though, as I have said, I loved to converse with +men of mind as well as of heart. At the same time, my +difficulties but increased my devotion, and the greater my +difficulty the greater the increase of my devotion. Praise +His Name.</p> +<h3>ON PRAYER</h3> +<p>(1) <i>The Price of Prayer</i>.—O Thou Lord of my soul, +and my Eternal Good, why is it that when a soul resolves to +follow Thee, and to do her best to forsake <!-- page 67--><a +name="page67"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 67</span>all for +Thee,—why is it that Thou dost not instantly perfect Thy +love and Thy peace within that soul? But I have spoken +unadvisedly and foolishly, for it is we who are at fault in +prayer, and never Thee. We are so long and so slow in +giving up our hearts to Thee. And then Thou wilt not permit +our enjoyment of Thee without our paying well for so precious a +possession. There is nothing in all the world wherewith to +buy the shedding abroad of Thy love in our heart, but our +heart’s love. If, however, we did what we could, not +clinging with our hearts to anything whatsoever in this world, +but having our treasure and our conversation in heaven, then this +blessedness would soon be ours, as all Thy saints testify. +God never withholds Himself from him who pays this price and who +perseveres in seeking Him. He will, little by little, and +now and then, strengthen and restore that soul, till at last it +is victorious. If he who enters on this road only does +violence enough to himself, with the help of God, he will not +only go to heaven himself, but he will not go alone: he will take +others with him. God will give him, as to a good leader, +those who will go after him. Only, let not any man of +prayer ever expect to enjoy his whole reward here. He must +remain a man of faith and prayer to the end. Let him +resolve, then, that whatever his aridity and sense of indevotion +may be, he will never let himself sink utterly under his +cross. And the day will come when he will receive all his +petitions in one great answer, and all his wages in one great +reward. For he serves a good Master, who stands over him +watching him. And let him never <!-- page 68--><a +name="page68"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 68</span>give over +because of evil thoughts, even if they are sprung upon him in the +middle of his prayer, for the devil so vexed the holy Jerome even +in the wilderness. But all these toils of soul have their +sure reward, and their just recompense set out for them. +And, I can assure you, as one who knows what she is saying, that +one single drop of water out of God’s living well will both +sustain you and reward you for another day and another night of +your life of life-long prayer.</p> +<p>(2) <i>Sin spoils Prayer</i>.—Now I saw that there would +be no answer to me till I had entire purity of conscience, and no +longer regarded any iniquity whatsoever in my heart. I saw +that there were some secret affections still left in me, which, +though they were not very bad perhaps in themselves, yet in a +life of prayer such as I was attempting those remanent affections +spoiled all.</p> +<p>(3) <i>Eighteen Years of Misery in Prayer</i>.—It is not +without very good reason that I have dwelt so long on this part +of my life. It will give no one any pleasure to see any one +so base as I was. And I wish all who read this to have me +in abhorrence. I failed in all obedience, because I was not +leaning on my strong pillar of prayer. I passed nearly +twenty years of my life on this stormy sea, constantly tossed +with tempest and never coming to harbour. It was the most +painful life that can be imagined, because I had no sweetness in +God, and certainly no sweetness in sin. I was often very +angry with myself on account of the many tears I <!-- page +69--><a name="page69"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 69</span>shed +for my faults, when I could not but see how little improvement +all my tears made in me. All my tears did not hold me back +from sin when the opportunity returned. Till I came to look +on my tears as little short of a delusion: and yet they were +not. It was the goodness of the Lord to give me such +compunction even when it was not as yet accompanied with complete +reformation. But the whole root of my evil lay in my not +thoroughly avoiding all occasions of sin, and in my confessors, +who helped me at that time so little. If they had only told +me what a dangerous road it was I was travelling in, and that I +was bound to break off all occasions of sin, I do believe, +without any doubt, that the matter would have been remedied at +once. Nevertheless, I can trace distinctly the mercy of God +to me in that all the time I had still the courage to pray. +I say courage, because I know nothing in the whole world that +requires greater courage than plotting treason against the King, +knowing that He knows it, and yet continuing to frequent His +presence in prayer. I spent more than eighteen years in +that miserable attempt to reconcile God and my life of sin. +The reason that I tell and repeat all this so often is that all +who read what I write may understand how great is that grace God +works in the soul when He gives it a disposition to pray on, even +when it has not yet left off all sin. If that soul +perseveres, in spite of sin, and temptation, and many relapses, +our Lord will bring that soul at last—I am certain of +it—to the harbour of salvation, to which He is <!-- page +70--><a name="page70"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +70</span>surely bringing myself. I will say what I know by +experience,—let him never cease from prayer, who has once +begun to pray, be his life ever so bad. For prayer is the +only way to amend his life, and without prayer it will never be +mended. Let him not be tempted of the devil, as I was, to +give up prayer on account of his unworthiness. Let him +rather believe that if he will only still repent and pray, our +Lord will still hear and answer. For myself, very often I +was more occupied with the wish to see the end of the hour. +I used actually to watch the sand-glass. And the sadness I +sometimes felt on entering my oratory was so great, that it +required all my courage to force myself in. In the end our +Lord came to my help: and, then, when I had done this violence to +myself, I found far greater peace and joy than when I prayed with +regale and rapture. If our Lord then bore so long with me +in all my wickedness, why should any one despair, however wicked +he may be? Let him have been ever so wicked up till now, he +will not remain in his wickedness so many years as I did after +receiving so many graces from our Lord. And this more I +will say,—prayer was the true door by which our Lord +distributed out all His grace so liberally to me. Prayer +and trust. I used indeed to pray for help: but I see now +that I committed all the time the fatal mistake of not putting my +whole trust in His Majesty. I should have utterly and +thoroughly distrusted and detested and suspected myself. I +sought for help. I sometimes took great pains to get +it. But I did not understand of how little use all that is +unless we <!-- page 71--><a name="page71"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 71</span>root utterly all confidence out of +ourselves, and place it at once, and for ever, and absolutely in +God. Those were eighteen miserable years.</p> +<p>(4) <i>Aridity in Prayer</i>.—Let no one weary or lose +heart in prayer because of aridity. For the Hearer of +prayer comes in all such cases very late. But at last He +comes. And though He confessedly comes late, He +correspondingly makes up to the soul for all His delays, and +rewards her on the spot for all her toil, and dryness, and +discouragement of many years. I have great pity on those +who give way and lose all this through not being taught to +persevere in prayer. It is a bad beginning, and very +prejudicial to proficiency in prayer, to use it for the gust and +consolation that a man receives at the time. I know by my +own experience, that he who determines to pray, not much heeding +either immediate comfort or dejection, he has got into one of the +best secrets of prayer. I am troubled to hear that grave +men, and men of learning and understanding, complain that God +does not give them sensible devotion. It proceeds from +ignorance of the true life of prayer, and from not carrying the +cross into prayer as into all the rest of the spiritual +life. He who begins to pray should be well told that he +begins to plant a fine garden in very bad soil; a soil full of +the most noxious and ineradicable weeds. And that after +good herbs and plants and flowers have been sown, then he has to +weed and water and fence and watch that garden night and day and +all his life. Till the Lord of the garden is able to come +and recreate and regale Himself where once there was <!-- page +72--><a name="page72"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +72</span>nothing but weeds, and stones, and noxious vermin. +Prayer, howsoever perfect in itself it may be, must always be +directed in upon the performance of good works. We must not +content ourselves with the gift of prayer, or with liberty and +consolation and gust in prayer. We must come out from +prayer the most rapturous and sweet only to do harder and ever +harder works for God and our neighbour. Otherwise the +prayer is not good, and the gusts are not from God. The +growth and maturity and fruitfulness of the soul do not stand in +liberty in prayer, but in love. And this love is got not by +speaking much but by doing and suffering much. For my part, +and I have been long at it, I desire no other gift of prayer but +that which ends in every day making me a better and better +woman. By its fruits your prayer will be known to +yourselves and others.</p> +<p>At other times I find myself so arid that I am not able to +form any distinct idea of God, nor can I put my soul into an +attitude of prayer, though I am in the place of prayer, and +though I feel that I know something of God. This mind of +mine at such times is like a born fool or some idiot creature +that nothing can bind down. I cannot command myself. +I cannot properly say one <i>Credo</i>. At such times I +laugh bitterly at myself, and see clearly my own natural +misery. I come then to see the exceeding favour of the Lord +in that He ever holds this insane fool fast in prayer and +holiness. What would those who love and honour me think if +they saw their friend in this dotage and distraction? I +reflect at such times on the great hurt our original sin has <!-- +page 73--><a name="page73"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +73</span>done us. For it is from our first fall that all +this has come to us that we so wander from God, and are so often +utterly incapable of God. But it is not so much +Adam’s sin as my own that works in me all this alienation +and inability and aridity. Methinks I love God; but my +actions, and the endless imperfections I see in myself, cause me +great fear, and deep and inconsolable distress.</p> +<p>(5) <i>Prayer after Sin</i>.—Never let any one leave off +prayer on any pretence: great sins committed, or any other +pretence whatsoever. For by leaving off prayer the soul +will be finally lost, while every return to prayer is new life +and new strength, as I am continually telling you. I tell +you again that the leaving off of prayer was the most devilish +and the most deadly temptation I ever met with.</p> +<p>(6) <i>Meditation in Prayer</i>.—He who prays should +often stop to think with whom he speaks: who he himself is who +speaks: who Jesus Christ is through whom he speaks: what that +country is to which he aspires: how he may best please Him who +dwells there: and what he is to do so that his character and +disposition may suit with God’s disposition and +character. Mental prayer, as I am wont to call it, is the +constant meditation of such things as these. And mental +prayer ought to be endeavoured after by all, though they have no +virtues, because it is the beginning of them, and therefore the +one interest of all men is at once to begin such prayer. +But it will be exercised with no little difficulty unless <!-- +page 74--><a name="page74"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +74</span>the steady acquisition of the virtues accompanies +it. In prayer it is far best to be alone; as, for our +example and instruction, our Lord always was when He +prayed. For we cannot talk both to God and man at the same +moment. And, if we feel too much alone, and must have +company, no company is comparable to Christ’s +company. Let us picture and represent Christ to ourselves +and to His Father as always at our side. Those who pray +with proper preparation: that is, with much meditation on the +whole life and death of our Lord: on their own death: on the last +day, or such like, our Lord will bring all such to the port of +light. Meditate much on the Sacred Humanity of our Lord: +what He was on earth: what He said: what He did, and what He +suffered. Because this life of ours is long and uphill, +which to pass well through needs the constant presence with us of +our great Exemplar, Jesus Christ.</p> +<p>(7) <i>The Presence of God in Prayer</i>.—In prayer +there would sometimes come upon me such a sense of the Presence +of God that I seemed to be all engulfed in God. I think the +learned call this mystical experience; at any rate, it so +suspends the ordinary operations of the soul that she seems to be +wholly taken out of herself. This tenderness, this +sweetness, this regale is nothing else but the Presence of God in +the praying soul. At the same time, I believe that we can +greatly help toward the obtaining of God’s Presence. +We obtain it by considering much our own baseness, the neglect +and the ingratitude <!-- page 75--><a name="page75"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 75</span>we show toward the Son of God, how +much He has done for us, His passion and terrible suffering, His +whole life so full of affliction, by delighting ourselves in His +word and in His works, and such things as these. And if in +these reflections the soul be seized with the Presence of God, +then the whole soul is regaled as I have described. The +heart is filled with relenting. Tears also abound. In +this way does the Divine Majesty repay us even here for any +little care we take to serve Him and to be with Him. The +life of prayer is just love to God and the custom of being ever +with Him.</p> +<p>(8) <i>Supernatural Prayer</i>.—In supernatural prayer +God places the soul in His immediate Presence, and in an instant +bestows Himself upon the soul in a way she could never of herself +attain to. He manifests something of His greatness to the +soul at such times: something of His beauty, something of His +special and particular grace. And the soul enjoys God +without dialectically understanding just how she so enjoys +Him. She burns with love without knowing what she has done +to deserve or to prepare herself for such a rapture. It is +the gift of God, and He gives His gifts to whomsoever and +whensoever He will. This, my daughters, is perfect +contemplation: this is supernatural prayer. Now this is the +difference between natural and supernatural prayer: between +mental and transcendental prayer. In ordinary prayer we +more or less understand what we say and do. We think of Him +to whom we speak; we think about ourselves and about our Surety +and Mediator. <!-- page 76--><a name="page76"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 76</span>In all this, by God’s help, we +can do something, so to speak, of ourselves. But in pure +supernatural and transcendental prayer, we do nothing at +all. His Divine Majesty it is who does it all. He +works in us at such elect seasons what far transcends and +overtops all the powers and resources even of the renewed +nature. At the same time, as a far-off means of attaining +to supernatural prayer, it is necessary to put upon ourselves the +acquiring of the great virtues, and especially, humility: we must +give up and resign ourselves wholly and entirely unto God. +Whoever will not attempt to do this, with all the grace of God, +that man will never come within sight of the highest +prayer. Let him, in absolutely everything, seat himself in +the lowest place. Let him account himself utterly and +hopelessly unworthy of everything he possesses, both in nature +and in grace. Let him shun advancement. Let him apply +himself to daily mortification, not of the body so much as of the +mind and the heart, and let him be more than content with the +least thing that God allows him, for this is true humility. +In short, let His Majesty lead us in any way He pleases, and the +chances are that He will soon lead us by these ways to a life of +prayer and communion it had not entered into our hearts to +conceive possible to such sinners as we are. Let no man be +too much cast down, because he has not yet attained to +supernatural prayer. God leads His people in the way that +He chooses out as best for Him and for them. And he who +stands low in his own eyes, may all the time stand high in +God’s eyes. Supernatural prayer is not necessary to +salvation: <!-- page 77--><a name="page77"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 77</span>nor doth God require it of us. +They shall not fail of salvation who practise themselves in the +solid virtues. No, they may have more merit in His eyes +than their more favoured neighbours, because their obedience, and +their faith, and their love have cost them more. Their Lord +deals with them as with strong and valiant men, appointing them +travail and trouble here, that they may fight for Him the good +fight of faith, and only come in for the prize at the end. +And, after all, what greater mark of a high election can there be +than to taste much of the cross? Whom the Lord loveth, in +that measure He lays on them His cross. And the heaviest of +all our crosses is a life of sanctification and service without +sensible consolation.</p> +<p>(9) <i>Over-familiarity in Prayer</i>.—He was a man of a +powerful understanding. I thought on his great gifts, and +the possibilities there were in him of doing great service if he +were once entirely devoted to God. He asked me to recommend +him much to God, and I did not need to be asked. I went +away to the place to which I used to retreat in cases like +this. And once there, I put myself into a state of entire +recollection, and began to treat with our Lord in a way, when I +think of it, of too great familiarity. But it was love that +spake, and every one allows love great familiarity, and no one so +much as our Lord. My soul overlooked the distance between +herself and her Lord. She forgot herself, as she so often +does, and began to talk impertinences and to take too great +freedoms. I entreated our Lord with many tears. <!-- +page 78--><a name="page78"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +78</span>I judged my friend to be already a good man, but I must +have him much better, and I said so too freely, I fear. +‘O Lord,’ I remember I said,’ Thou must not +deny me this favour that I ask. This is a man for us to +make a friend of.’ And far more than that. And +He did it. Yes, He did it. O His immense bounty and +goodness! He regards not the words but the affection with +which the words are uttered. That must be so, when He +endures with such an impertinent and over-familiar and irreverent +wretch as I am; endures and answers. May He be blessed to +all eternity!</p> +<p>(10) <i>The Best Result of Prayer</i>.—To Father +Gratian. To-day I received three letters from your +Reverence by the way of the head-post. The whole matter is +in a nut-shell. That prayer is the most acceptable which +leaves the best results. Results, I mean, in actions. +That is true prayer. Not certain gusts of softness and +feeling, and nothing more. For myself, I wish no other +prayer but that which improves me in virtue. I would fain +live more nearly as I pray. I count that to be a good +prayer which leaves me more humble, even if it is still with +great temptations, tribulations, and aridities. For it must +never be thought that because a man has much suffering, therefore +he cannot have prayed acceptably. His suffering is as +incense set forth before God. Tell my daughters that they +must work and suffer as well as pray, and that it is the best +prayer that has with it the most work and the most suffering.</p> +<p><!-- page 79--><a name="page79"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +79</span>(11) <i>A Bishop taught to Pray</i>.—To Don Alonzo +Velasquez, Bishop of Osma. Your Reverence enjoined me the +other day to recommend you to God. I have done so: not +regarding my own inconsiderableness, but your requisition and +your rights. And I promise myself from your goodness that +you will take in good part what I feel compelled to say to you, +and will accept that which proceeds only from my obedience to +you. Recognising, then, and representing to our Lord, the +great favours He has done you in having bestowed upon you +humility, charity, zeal for souls, and a strong desire to +vindicate the Divine honour, I still besought the Lord for an +increase in you of all these same virtues and perfections in +order that you may prove as accomplished in all these things as +the dignity of your office requires. Till it was discovered +to me that you still wanted that which is the foundation of every +virtue, and without which the whole superstructure dissolves, and +falls in ruins. You want prayer. You want believing, +persevering, courageous prayer. And the want of that prayer +causes all that drought and disunion from which you say your soul +suffers. That which was shown me as the way your lordship +is henceforth to pray is this. You are to recollect and +accuse yourself of all your sins since your last time of like +prayer. You are to divest yourself of everything as if you +were that moment to die. You are to begin by reciting to +yourself and to God the Fifty-first Psalm. And after that +you must say this. ‘I come, O Lord, Bishop as I am, +to Thy children’s school of prayer and obedience. I +come to Thee <!-- page 80--><a name="page80"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 80</span>not to teach, but to learn. I +will speak to Thee, who am but dust and ashes.’ And +all the time set before the eyes of your soul Jesus Christ +crucified, and ruminate on Him in some such way as this. +Fix your eyes on that stupendous humility of His whereby He so +annihilated Himself. Look on His head crowned with +thorns. Fix your eyes on His nailed hands, His feet, and +His side. Meditate on and interrogate every one of His +wounds for you. It behoves you also to go to prayer with a +most entire resignation and submission and pliantness to go that +way in religion and in life that God points out to you. +Sometimes He will teach you by turning His back on you: and, +anon, by lifting up the light of His countenance upon you. +Sometimes by shutting you out of His presence, and sometimes by +bringing you into His banqueting-house. And you are to +receive it all with the same equability of mind, knowing that He +always acts for the best. Otherwise you will go to teach +God in your prayers, which is not the proper scope and intent of +prayer at all. And when you say that you are dust and +ashes, you must observe and exhibit the proper quality of +such. In our Lord’s prayer in the garden, He +requested that the bitterness and the terrible trial He felt in +overcoming His human nature might be taken away. He did not +ask that His pains might be taken away, but only the disgust +wherewith He suffered them. And when it was answered Him +that it was not expedient but that He should drink that cup, He +had to master that weakness and pusillanimity of the flesh, as +must all other men. One cannot be a <!-- page 81--><a +name="page81"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 81</span>great +scholar, or even a finished courtier, without great pains and +expense; and to be a scholar in the Church, and a minister, and a +master in the science of Heaven, cannot be done without long time +at school and much hard work. And herewith I desist from +saying more to your lordship, whose pardon I beg for all this +presumption. Which, however full it may be of defects and +indiscretions, is not wanting in that zeal I owe to your service +as one of the most wandering and gone astray of your +lordship’s flock. Our Lord preserve your lordship, +and enrich you with the manifold increase of His grace. I +am, your lordship’s unworthy servant and subject, Teresa of +Jesus.</p> +<p>(12) <i>The proper Readers of what the Saint has +Written</i>,—And now I return most humbly to beseech your +Reverence, that, if you mean to impart to any one these things +that you have made me write concerning prayer, let them be +imparted to spiritual persons, and to persons of real insight +only. For, indeed, I have written for persons of +exceptional experience and exceptional prudence only. What +I have written, I fear, very few are capable of. But what +am I, to speak thus about any but myself? Farewell.—I +am,</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Teresa the Sinner</span>.</p> +<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SANTA TERESA***</p> +<pre> + + +***** This file should be named 19185-h.htm or 19185-h.zip****** + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/9/1/8/19185 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Santa Teresa + an Appreciation: with some of the best passages of the Saint's Writings + + +Author: Alexander Whyte + + + +Release Date: September 5, 2006 [eBook #19185] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SANTA TERESA*** + + + + + + +Transcribed from the 1900 Oliphant Anderson & Ferrier edition by David +Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org + +_THEODIDACTA_ + +_AFFICIENS_ + +_INFLAMMANS_ + + + + + +Santa Teresa: an Appreciation + + +_With some of the best passages of the Saint's Writings Selected Adapted +and Arranged by_ +_Alexander Whyte_ +_D.D._ + +_Oliphant Anderson & Ferrier_ +_Saint Mary Street_, _Edinburgh_, _and_ +21 _Paternoster Square_, _London_ +1900 + +_Third Edition_ +_Completing_ 6000 _copies_ + +Edinburgh: T. and A. CONSTABLE, Printers to her Majesty + + + + +APPRECIATION AND INTRODUCTION + + +With a view to the work of my classes this session, I took old Abraham +Woodhead's two black-letter quartos with me to the Engadine last July. +And I spent every rainy morning and every tired evening of that memorable +holiday month in the society of Santa Teresa and her excellent +old-English translator. Till, ever, as I crossed the Morteratch and the +Roseg, and climbed the hills around Maloggia and Pontresina, a voice +would come after me, saying to me, Why should you not share all this +spiritual profit and intellectual delight with your Sabbath evening +congregations, and with your young men's and young women's classes? Why +should you not introduce Santa Teresa to her daughters in Edinburgh? For +her daughters they are, so soon and as long as they live in +self-knowledge and in self-denial, in humility and in meekness, and +especially in unceasing prayer for themselves and for others. And I am +not without some assurance that in this present lecture I am both hearing +and obeying one of those same locutions that Teresa heard so frequently, +and obeyed with such instancy and fidelity and fruitfulness. + +* * * * * + +Luther was born in 1483, and he nailed his ninety-five theses to the door +of the University Church of Wittenberg on the 31st October 1517. Loyola +was born in 1491, and Xavier in 1506, and the Society of Jesus was +established in 1534. Isabella the Catholic was born in 1451, and our own +Protestant Elizabeth in 1533. The Spanish Inquisition began to sit in +1483, the Breviary was finally settled in 1568, and the Armada was +destroyed in 1588. Columbus was born in 1446, and he set out on his +great enterprise in 1492. Cervantes was born in 1547, and the First Part +of his immortal work was published in 1605. And it is to be read in +Santa Teresa's Breviary to this day that Teresa the Sinner was born on +the 29th day of March 1515, at five o'clock in the morning. She died in +1582, and in 1622 she was publicly canonised at Rome along with Loyola +and Xavier and two other Spanish saints. + +Teresa was greatly blessed in both her parents. 'It helped me much that +I never saw my father or my mother respect anything in any one but +goodness.' Her father was a great reader of the best books, and he took +great pains that his children should form the same happy habit and should +carefully cultivate the same excellent taste. Her mother, while a +Christian gentlewoman of the first social standing, did not share her +husband's love of serious literature. She passed far too much of her +short lifetime among the romances of the day, till her daughter has to +confess that she took no little harm from the books that did her mother +no harm but pastime to read. As for other things, her father's house was +a perfect model of the very best morals and the very best manners. Alonso +de Cepeda was a well-born and a well-bred Spanish gentleman. He came of +an ancient and an illustrious Castilian stock; and, though not a rich +man, his household enjoyed all the nobility of breeding and all the +culture of mind and all the refinement of taste for which Spain was so +famous in that great age. All her days, and in all her ups and downs in +life, we continually trace back to Teresa's noble birth and noble +upbringing no little of her supreme stateliness of deportment and +serenity of manner and chivalry of character. Teresa was a perfect +Spanish lady, as well as a mother in Israel, and no one who ever +conversed with her could for a moment fail to observe that the oldest and +best blood of Spain mantled in her cheek and shone in her eye. A lion +encompassed by crosses was one of the quarters of her father's coat of +arms. And Teresa took that up and added out of it a new glory to all her +father's hereditary honours. For his daughter was all her days a lioness +palisaded round with crosses, till by means of them she was transformed +into a lamb. But, all the time, the lioness was still lurking there. +Teresa's was one of those sovereign souls that are born from time to time +as if to show us what our race was created for at first, and for what it +is still destined. She was a queen among women. She was in intellect +the complete equal, and in still better things than intellect far the +superior, of Isabella and Elizabeth themselves. As she says in an +outspoken autobiographic passage, hers was one of those outstanding and +towering souls on which a thousand eyes and tongues are continually set +without any one understanding them or comprehending them. Her coming +greatness of soul is foreseen by some of her biographers in the attempt +which she made while yet a child to escape away into the country of the +Moors in search of an early martyrdom, so that she might see her Saviour +all the sooner, and stand in His presence all the purer. 'A woman,' says +Crashaw, 'for angelical height of speculation: for masculine courage of +performance, more than a woman; who, while yet a child, outran maturity, +and durst plot a martyrdom. + + Scarce had she learnt to lisp the name + Of martyr, yet she thinks it shame + Life should so long sport with that breath, + Which, spent, can buy so brave a death. + + Scarce had she blood enough to make + A guilty sword blush for her sake; + Yet has she heart dares hope to prove + How much less strong is death than love. + + Be love but there, let poor six years + Be posed with the maturest fears + Man trembles at, we straight shall find + Love knows no nonage, nor the mind.' + +Teresa's mother died just when her daughter was at that dangerous age in +which a young girl needs a wise mother most; 'the age when virtue should +begin to grow,' as she says herself. Teresa was an extraordinarily +handsome and attractive young lady, and the knowledge of that, as she +tells us, made her very vain, and puffed up her heart with foolish +imaginations. She has a powerful chapter in the opening of her +Autobiography on dangerous companionships in the days of youth. 'Oh that +all parents would take warning by me, and would look carefully into their +children's early friendships!' She suffered terribly from bad health all +her days, and that severe chastisement began to fall on her while she was +yet a beautiful girl. It was a succession of serious illnesses, taken +along with her father's scrupulous care over her, that brought Teresa +back to the simple piety of her early childhood, and fixed her for life +in an extraordinary devotion to God, and to all the things of God. When +such a change of heart and character comes to a young woman among +ourselves, she usually seeks out some career of religion and charity to +which she can devote her life. She is found labouring among the poor and +the sick and the children of the poor, or she goes abroad to foreign +mission work. In Teresa's land and day a Religious House was the +understood and universal refuge for any young woman who was in earnest +about her duty to God and to her own soul. In those Houses such young +women secluded themselves from all society and gave themselves up to the +care of the poor and the young. In the more strict and enclosed of those +retreats the inmates never came out of doors at all, but wholly +sequestered themselves up to a secret life of austerity and prayer. This +was the ideal life led in those Houses for religious women. But Teresa +soon found out the tremendous mistake she had made in leaving her +father's family-fireside for a so-called Religious House. No sooner had +she entered it than she was plunged headlong into those very same +'pestilent amusements,' the mere approach of which had made her flee to +this supposed asylum. Though she is composing her Autobiography under +the sharp eyes of her confessors, and while she is writing with a +submissiveness and, indeed, a servility that is her only weakness, Teresa +at the same time is bold enough and honest enough to tell us her own +experiences of monastic life in language of startling strength and +outspokenness. 'A short-cut to hell. If parents would take my advice, +they would rather marry their daughters to the very poorest of men, or +else keep them at home under their own eye. If young women will be +wicked at home, their wickedness will not long be hidden at home; but in +monasteries, such as I speak of, their worst wickedness can be completely +covered up from every human eye. And all the time the poor things are +not to blame. They only walk in the way that is shown them. Many of +them are to be much pitied, for they honestly wish to withdraw from the +world, only to find themselves in ten times worse worlds of sensuality +and all other devilry. O my God! if I might I would fain speak of some +of the occasions of sin from which Thou didst deliver me, and how I threw +myself into them again. And of the risks I ran of utterly shipwrecking +my character and good name and from which Thou didst rescue me. O Lord +of my soul! how shall I be able to magnify Thy grace in those perilous +years! At the very time that I was offending Thee most, Thou didst +prepare me by a most profound compunction to taste of the sweetness of +Thy recoveries and consolations. In truth, O my King, Thou didst +administer to me the most spiritual and painful of chastisements: for +Thou didst chastise my sins with great assurances of Thy love and of Thy +great mercy. It makes me feel beside myself when I call to mind Thy +great grace and my great ingratitude.' + +This leads us up to the conception and commencement of that great work to +which Teresa dedicated the whole of her after life,--the reformation and +extension of the Religious Houses of Spain. The root-and-branch +reformation of Luther and his German and Swiss colleagues had not laid +much hold on Spain; and the little hold it had laid on her native land +had never reached to Teresa. Had Luther and Teresa but met: had +Melanchthon and Teresa but met: had the best books of the German and +Swiss Reformation but come into Teresa's hands: had she been somewhat +less submissive, and somewhat less obedient, and somewhat less completely +the slave of her ecclesiastical superiors; had she but once entered into +that intellectual and spiritual liberty wherewith Christ makes His people +free,--what a lasting blessing Teresa might have been made to her native +land! But, as it was, Teresa's reformation, while it was the salvation +of herself and of multitudes more who came under it, yet as a monastic +experiment and a church movement, it ended in the strengthening and the +perpetuation of that detestable system of intellectual and spiritual +tyranny which has been the death of Spain from that day to this. Teresa +performed a splendid service inside the Church to which she belonged: but +that service was wholly confined to the Religious Houses that she founded +and reformed. Teresa's was intended to be a kind of counter-reformation +to the reformation of Luther and Melanchthon and Valdes and Valera. And +such was the talent and the faith and the energy she brought to bear on +the work she undertook, that, had it been better directed, it might have +been blessed to preserve her beloved native land at the head of modern +Christendom. But, while that was not to be, it is the immense talent, +and the unceasing toil, and the splendid faith and self-surrender that +Teresa brought to bear on her intramural reformation; and, all through +that, on the working out of her own salvation,--it is all these things +that go to make Teresa's long life so memorable and so impressive, not +only in her own age and land and church, but wherever greatness of mind, +and nobleness of heart, and sanctity of life, and stateliness of +character are heard of and are esteemed. + +Teresa's intellect, her sheer power of mind, is enough of itself to make +her an intensely interesting study to all thinking men. No one can open +her books without confessing the spell of her powerful understanding. Her +books, before they were books, absolutely captivated and completely +converted to her unpopular cause many of her most determined enemies. +Again and again and again we find her confessors and her censors +admitting that both her spiritual experiences and her reformation work +were utterly distasteful and very stumbling to them till they had read +her own written account, first of her life of prayer and then of her +reformation work. One after another of such men, and some of them the +highest in learning and rank and godliness, on reading her autobiographic +papers, came over to be her fearless defenders and fast friends. There +is nothing more delightful in all her delightful Autobiography, and in +the fine 'censures' that have been preserved concerning it, than to read +of the great and learned theologians, the responsible church leaders, and +even the secret inquisitors who came under the charm of her character and +the spell of her pen. 'She electrifies the will,' confessed one of the +best judges of good writing in her day. And old Bishop Palafox's tribute +to Teresa is far too beautiful to be withheld. 'What I admire in her is +the peace, the sweetness, and the consolation with which in her writings +she draws us toward the best, so that we find ourselves captured rather +than conquered, imprisoned rather than prisoners. No one reads the +saint's writings who does not presently seek God, and no one through her +writings seeks God who does not remain in love with the saint. I have +not met with a single spiritual man who does not become a passionate +admirer of Santa Teresa. But her writings do not alone impart a +rational, interior, and superior love, but a love at the same time +practical, natural, and sensitive; and my own experience proves it to me +that there exists no one who loves her but would, if the saint were still +in this world, travel far to see and speak with her.' I wish much I +could add to that Peter of Alcantara's marvellous analysis of Teresa's +experiences and character. Under thirty-three heads that great saint +sums up Teresa's character, and gives us a noble, because all +unconscious, revelation of his own. And though Teresa has been dead for +three hundred years, she speaks to this day in that same way: and that +too in quarters in which we would little expect to hear her voice. In +that intensely interesting novel of modern Parisian life, _En Route_, +Teresa takes a chief part in the conversion and sanctification of the +prodigal son whose return to his father's house is so powerfully depicted +in that story. The deeply read and eloquent author of that remarkable +book gives us some of the best estimates and descriptions of Santa Teresa +that I have anywhere met with. 'That cool-headed business woman . . . +that admirable psychologist and of superhuman lucidity . . . that +magnificent and over-awing saint . . . she has verified in her own case +the supernatural experiences of the greatest mystics,--such are her +unparalleled experiences in the supernatural domain. . . . Teresa goes +deeper than any like writer into the unexplored regions of the soul. She +is the geographer and hydrographer of the sinful soul. She has drawn the +map of its poles, marked its latitudes of contemplation and prayer, and +laid out all the interior seas and lands of the human heart. Other +saints have been among those heights and depths and deserts before her, +but no one has left us so methodical and so scientific a survey.' Were +it for nothing else, the chapters on mystical literature in M. Huysmans' +unfinished trilogy would make it a valued possession to every student of +the soul of man under sin and under salvation. I await the completion of +his Pilgrim's Progress with great impatience and with great expectation. + +And then, absolutely possessed as Teresa always is by the most solemn +subjects,--herself, her sin, her Saviour, her original method of prayer +and her unshared experiences in prayer,--she showers upon us continually +gleams and glances of the sunniest merriment, amid all her sighs and +tears. She roasts in caustic the gross-minded, and the self-satisfied, +and the self-righteous, as Socrates himself never roasted them better. +Again, like his, her irony and her raillery and her satire are sometimes +so delicate that it quite eludes you for the first two or three readings +of the exquisite page. And then, when you turn the leaf, she is as +ostentatiously stupid and ignorant and dependent on your superior mind as +ever Socrates himself was. Till I shrewdly suspect that no little of +that 'obedience' which so intoxicated and fascinated her inquisitors, and +which to this day so exasperates some of her biographers, was largely +economical and ironical. Her narrow cell is reported to have often +resounded with peals of laughter to the scandal of some of her sisters. +In support of all that, I have marked a score of Socratic passages in +Woodhead, and Dalton, and Lewis, and Father Coleridge, and Mrs. +Cunninghame Graham. They are very delicious passages and very tempting. +But were they once begun there would be no end to them. You will believe +Froude, for he is an admitted judge in all matters connected with the +best literature, and he says in his _Quarterly_ article on Teresa's +writings, 'The best satire of Cervantes is not more dainty.' + +The great work to which Teresa gave up her whole life, after her full +conversion, was the purification of the existing monastic system, and the +multiplication and extension of Religious Houses of the strictest, +severest, most secluded, most prayerful, and most saintly life. She had +been told by those she too much trusted, that the Church of Christ was +being torn in pieces in Germany, and in Switzerland, and in France, and +in England by a great outbreak of heretical error; and, while the Society +of Jesus and the Secret Inquisition were established to cope with all +such heresy, Teresa set herself to counteract it by a widespread +combination of unceasing penance and intercessory prayer. It was a zeal +without knowledge; but there can be no doubt about the sincerity, the +single-mindedness, and the strength of the zeal. For forty as +hard-working years as ever any woman spent in this world, Teresa laboured +according to her best light to preserve the purity and the unity of the +Church of Christ. And the strength and the sagacity of mind, the tact, +the business talents, the tenacity of will, the patience, the endurance, +the perseverance, the sleepless watchfulness, and the abounding +prayerfulness that she brought to bear on the reformation and +multiplication of her fortresses of defence and attack in that holy war, +all taken together, make up one of the most remarkable pages in the whole +history of the Church of Christ. Her difficulties with Rome, with the +Inquisition, with her more immediate superiors, confessors, and censors, +and, most of all, with the ignorance, the stupidity, the laziness, the +malice, and the lies of those monks and nuns whose reformation she was +determined on: her endless journeys: her negotiations with +church-leaders, landowners, and tradesmen in selecting and securing +sites, and in erecting new religious houses: the adventures, the +accidents, the entertainments she met with: and the fine temper, the good +humour, the fascinating character, the winning manners she everywhere +exhibited; and, withal, her incomparable faith in the Living God, and the +exquisite inwardness, unconquerable assurance, and abounding fruitfulness +of her own and unshared method and secret of prayer,--had Teresa not +lived and died in Spain, and had she not spent her life and done her work +under the Roman obedience, her name would have been a household word in +Scotland. As it is, she is not wholly unknown or unloved. And as +knowledge extends, and love, and good-will; and as suspicion, and fear, +and retaliation, and party-spirit die out among us, the truth about +Teresa and multitudes more will become established on clearer and deeper +and broader foundations; and we shall be able to hail both her and +multitudes more like her as our brothers and sisters in Christ, whom +hitherto we have hated and despised because we did not know them, and had +been poisoned against them. I am a conspicuous case in point myself. And +when I have been conquered by a little desultory reading and by a little +effort after love no man need despair. And if you will listen to this +lecture with a good and honest heart: with a heart that delights to hear +all this good report about a fellow-believer: then He who has begun that +good work in you will perfect it by books and by lectures like this, and +far better than this, till you are taken absolutely captive to that +charity which rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth: and +which beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, +endureth all things. Follow after charity, and begin with Santa Teresa. + + Forbid it, mighty Love, let no fond hate + Of names or words so far prejudicate; + Souls are not Spaniards too; one friendly flood + Of baptism blends them all into one blood. + What soul soe'er in any language can + Speak heaven like hers, is my soul's countryman. + +But the greatest and the best talent that God gives to any man or woman +in this world is the talent of prayer. And the best usury that any man +or woman brings back to God when He comes to reckon with them at the end +of this world is a life of prayer. And those servants best put their +Lord's money to the exchangers who rise early and sit late, as long as +they are in this world, ever finding out and ever following after better +and better methods of prayer, and ever forming more secret, more +steadfast, and more spiritually fruitful habits of prayer: till they +literally pray without ceasing, and till they continually strike out into +new enterprises in prayer, and new achievements, and new enrichments. It +was this that first drew me to Teresa. It was her singular originality +in prayer and her complete captivity to prayer. It was the time she +spent in prayer, and the refuge, and the peace, and the sanctification, +and the power for carrying on hard and unrequited work that she all her +life found in prayer. It was her fidelity and her utter surrender of +herself to this first and last of all her religious duties, till it +became more a delight, and, indeed, more an indulgence, than a duty. With +Teresa it was prayer first, and prayer last, and prayer always. With +Teresa literally all things were sanctified, and sweetened, and made +fruitful by prayer. In Teresa's writings prayer holds much the same +place that it holds in the best men and women of Holy Scripture. If I +were to say that about some of the ladies of the Scottish Covenant, you +would easily believe me. But you must believe me when I tell you that +about a Spanish lady, second to none of them in holiness of life, even if +her holy life is not all cast in our mould. All who have read the +autobiographic _Apologia_ will remember the fine passage in which its +author tells us that ever since his conversion there have been two, and +only two, absolutely self-luminous beings in the whole universe of being +to him,--God and his own soul. Now, I do not remember that Newman even +once speaks about Teresa in any of his books, but I always think of him +and her together in this great respect. GOD is to them both, and to them +both He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. And it is just +here, at the very commencement and centre of divine things, that we all +make such shipwreck and come so short. The sense of the reality of +divine and unseen things in Teresa's life of prayer is simply miraculous +in a woman still living among things seen and temporal. Her faith is +truly the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not +seen. Our Lord was as real, as present, as near, as visible, and as +affable to this extraordinary saint as ever He was to Martha, or Mary, or +Mary Magdalene, or the woman of Samaria, or the mother of Zebedee's +children. She prepared Him where to lay His head; she sat at His feet +and heard His word. She chose the better part, and He acknowledged to +herself and to others that she had done so. She washed His feet with her +tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head. She had been forgiven +much, and she loved much. He said to her, Mary, and she answered Him, +Rabboni. And He gave her messages to deliver to His disciples, who had +not waited for Him as she had waited. Till she was able to say to them +all that she had seen the Lord, and that He had spoken such and such +things within her. And hence arises what I may call the quite +extraordinary purity and spirituality of her life of prayer. 'Defecate' +is Goodwin's favourite and constant word for the purest, the most rapt, +the most adoring, and the most spiritual prayer. 'I have known men'--it +must have been himself--'who came to God for nothing else but just to +come to Him, they so loved Him. They scorned to soil Him and themselves +with any other errand than just purely to be alone with Him in His +presence. Friendship is best kept up, even among men, by frequent +visits; and the more free and defecate those frequent visits are, and the +less occasioned by business, or necessity, or custom they are, the more +friendly and welcome they are.' Now, I have sometimes wondered what took +Teresa so often, and kept her so long, alone with God. Till I remembered +Goodwin's classical passages about defecated prayer, and understood +something of what is involved and what is to be experienced in pure and +immediate communion with God. And, then, from all that it surely +follows, that no one is fit for one moment to have an adverse or a +hostile mind, or to pass an adverse or a hostile judgment, on the divine +manifestations that came to Teresa in her unparalleled life of prayer; no +one who is not a man of like prayer himself; no, nor even then. I know +all the explanations that have been put forward for Teresa's 'locutions' +and revelations; but after anxiously weighing them all, the simplest +explanation is also the most scientific, as it is the most scriptural. If +our ascending Lord actually said what He is reported to have said about +the way that He and His Father will always reward all love to Him, and +the keeping of all His commandments; then, if there is anything true +about Teresa at all, it is this, that from the day of her full conversion +she lived with all her might that very life which has all these +transcendent promises spoken and sealed to it. By her life of faith and +prayer and personal holiness, Teresa made herself 'capable of God,' as +one describes it, and God came to her and filled her with Himself to her +utmost capacity, as He said He would. At the same time, much as I trust +and honour and love Teresa, and much good as she has been made of God to +me, she was still, at her best, but an imperfectly sanctified woman, and +her rewards and experiences were correspondingly imperfect. But if a +holy life before such manifestations were made to her, and a still holier +life after them--if that is any test of the truth and reality of such +transcendent and supernatural matters,--on her own humble and adoring +testimony, and on the now extorted and now spontaneous testimony of +absolutely all who lived near her, still more humility, meekness, lowly- +mindedness, heavenly-mindedness and prayerfulness demonstrably followed +those inward and spiritual revelations to her of her Lord. In short and +in sure, ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of +thorns, or figs of thistles? On the whole, then, I for one am strongly +disposed toward Teresa, even in the much-inculpated matter of her inward +voices and visions. The wish may very possibly be father to the thought: +but my thought leans to Teresa, even in her most astounding locutions and +revelations; they answer so entirely to my reading of our Lord and of His +words. I take sides, on the whole, with those theologians of her day, +who began by doubting, but ended by believing in Teresa and by imitating +her. They were led to rejoice that any contemporary and fellow-sinner +had attained to such fellowship with God: and I am constrained to take +sides with them. 'One day, in prayer, the sweetness was so great that I +could not but contrast it with the place I deserved in hell. The +sweetness and the light and the peace were so great that, compared with +it, everything in this world is vanity and lies. I was filled with a new +reverence for God. I saw His majesty and His power in a way I cannot +describe, and the vision kept me in great tenderness and joy and +humility. I cannot help making much of that which led me so near to God. +I knew at that great moment what it is for a soul to be in the very +presence of God Himself. What must be the condescension of His majesty +seeing that in so short a time He left so great an impression and so +great a blessing on my soul! O my Lord, consider who she is upon whom +Thou art bestowing such unheard-of blessings! Dost Thou forget that my +soul has been an abyss of sin? How is this, O Lord, how can it be that +such great grace has come to the lot of one who has so ill deserved such +things at Thy hands!' He who can read that, and a hundred passages as +good as that, and who shall straightway set himself to sneer and scoff +and disparage and find fault, he is well on the way to the sin against +the Holy Ghost. At any rate, I would be if I did not revere and love and +imitate such a saint of God. Given God and His Son and His Holy Spirit: +given sin and salvation and prayer and a holy life; and, with many +drawbacks, Teresa's was just the life of self-denial and repentance and +prayer and communion with God that we should all live. It is not Teresa +who is to be bemoaned and blamed and called bad names. It is we who do +all that to her who are beside ourselves. It is we who need the beam to +be taken out of our own eye. Teresa was a mystery and an offence; and, +again, an encouragement and an example to the theologians and the +inquisitors of her day just as she still is in our day. She was a +stumbling-stone, or an ensample, according to the temper and disposition +and character of her contemporaries, and she is the same to-day. + +The pressing question with me is not the truth or the falsehood, the +amount of reality or the amount of imagination in Teresa's locutions and +visions. The pressing question with me is this,--Why it is that I have +nothing to show to myself at all like them. I think I could die for the +truth of my Lord's promise that both He and His Father will manifest +Themselves to those who love Him and keep His words; but He never +manifests Himself, to be called manifestation, to me. I am driven in +sheer desperation to believe such testimonies and attainments as those of +Teresa, if only to support my failing faith in the words of my Master. I +had rather believe every syllable of Teresa's so-staggering locutions and +visions than be left to this, that ever since Paul and John went home to +heaven our Lord's greatest promises have been so many idle words. It is +open to any man to scoff and sneer at Teresa's extraordinary life of +prayer, and at the manifestations of the Father and the Son that were +made to her in her life of prayer, and some of her biographers and +censors among ourselves have made good use of their opportunity. But I +cannot any longer sit with them in the seat of the scorner, and I want +you all to rise up and leave that evil seat also. Lord, how wilt Thou +manifest Thyself in time to come to me? How shall I attain to that faith +and to that love and to that obedience which shall secure to me the long- +withheld presence and indwelling of the Father and the Son? + +* * * * * + +Teresa's _Autobiography_, properly speaking, is not an autobiography at +all, though it ranks with _The Confessions_, and _The Commedia_, and _The +Grace Abounding_, and _The Reliquiae_, as one of the very best of that +great kind of book. It is not really Teresa's _Life Written by Herself_, +though all that stands on its title-page. It is only one part of her +life: it is only her life of prayer. The title of the book, she says in +one place, is not her life at all, but _The Mercies of God_. Many other +matters come up incidentally in this delightful book, but the whole drift +and the real burden of the book is its author's life of prayer. Her +attainments and her experiences in prayer so baffled and so put out all +her confessors that, at their wits' end, they enjoined her to draw out in +writing a complete account of a secret life, the occasional and partial +discovery of which so amazed, and perplexed, and condemned them. And +thus it is that we come to possess this unique and incomparable +autobiography: this wonderful revelation of Teresa's soul in prayer. It +is a book in which we see a woman of sovereign intellectual ability +working out her own salvation in circumstances so different from our own +that we have the greatest difficulty in believing that it was really +salvation at all she was so working out. Till, as we read in humility +and in love, we learn to separate-off all that is local, and secular, and +ecclesiastical, and circumstantial, and then we immensely enjoy and take +lasting profit out of all that which is so truly Catholic and so truly +spiritual. Teresa was an extraordinary woman in every way: and that +comes out on every page of her Autobiography. So extraordinary that I +confess there is a great deal that she tells us about herself that I do +not at all understand. She was Spanish, and we are Scottish. She and we +are wide as the poles asunder. Her lot was cast of God in the sixteenth +century, whereas our lot is cast in the nineteenth. She was a Roman +Catholic mystic, and we are Evangelical Protestants. But it is one of +the great rewards of studying such a life as Teresa's to be able to +change places with her so as to understand her and love her. She was, +without any doubt or contradiction, a great saint of God. And a great +saint of God is more worthy of our study and admiration and imitation and +love than any other study or admiration or imitation or love on the face +of the earth. And the further away such a saint is from us the better +she is for our study and admiration and imitation and love, if we only +have the sense and the grace to see it. + +Cervantes himself might have written Teresa's _Book of the Foundations_. +Certainly he never wrote a better book. For myself I have read Teresa's +_Foundations_ twice at any rate for every once I have read Cervantes' +masterpiece. For literature, for humour, for wit, for nature, for +photographic pictures of the time and the people, her _Foundations_ are a +masterpiece also: and then, Teresa's pictures are pictures of the best +people in Spain. And there was no finer people in the whole of +Christendom in that day than the best of the Spanish people. God had +much people in the Spain of that day, and he who is not glad to hear that +will never have a place among them. The Spain of that century was full +of family life of the most polished and refined kind. And, with all +their declensions and corruptions, the Religious Houses of Spain enclosed +multitudes of the most saintly men and women. 'I never read of a +hermit,' said Dr. Johnson to Boswell in St. Andrews, 'but in imagination +I kiss his feet: I never read of a monastery, but I could fall on my +knees and kiss the pavement. I have thought of retiring myself, and have +talked of it to a friend, but I find my vocation is rather in active +life.' It was such monasteries as Teresa founded and ruled and wrote the +history of that made such a sturdy Protestant as Dr. Johnson was say such +a thing as that. _The Book of the Foundations_ is Teresa's own account, +written also under superior orders, of that great group of religious +houses which she founded and administered for so many years. And the +literature into which she puts all those years is literature of the first +water. A thousand times I have been reminded of Don Quixote and Sancho +Panza as I read Teresa's account of her journeys, and of the people, and +of the escapades, and of the entertainments she met with. Yes, quite as +good as Cervantes! yes, quite as good as Goldsmith!--I have caught myself +exclaiming as I read and laughed till the tears ran down my cheeks. This +is literature, this is art without the art, this is literary finish +without the labour: and all laid out to the finest of all uses, to tell +of the work of God, and of all the enterprises, providences, defeats, +successes, recompenses, connected with it. The _Foundations_ is a +Christian classic even in Woodhead's and Dalton's and David Lewis's +English, what must it then be to those to whom Teresa's exquisite Spanish +is their mother-tongue! + +If Vaughan had but read _The Foundations_, which he is honest enough to +confess he had only glanced at in a French translation, it would surely +have done something to make him reconsider the indecent and disgraceful +attack which he makes on Teresa. His chapter on Teresa is a contemptuous +and a malicious caricature. Vaughan has often been of great service to +me, but if I had gone by that misleading chapter, I would have lost weeks +of most intensely interesting and spiritually profitable reading. +Vaughan's extravagant misrepresentation of Teresa will henceforth make me +hesitate to receive his other judgments till I have read the books +myself. I shall not tarry here to controvert Vaughan's utterly +untruthful chapter on Teresa, I shall content myself with setting over +against it Crashaw's exquisite _Hymn_ and _Apology_, and especially his +magnificent _Flaming Heart_. + +Teresa's _Way of Perfection_ is a truly fine book: full of freshness, +suggestiveness, and power. So much so, that I question if William Law's +_Christian Perfection_ would ever have been written, but that Teresa had +written on that same subject before him. I do not say that Law +plagiarised from Teresa, but some of his very best passages are plainly +inspired by his great predecessor. You will thank me for the following +eloquent passage from Mrs. Cunninghame Graham, which so felicitously +characterises this great book, and that in language such as I could not +command. 'To my thinking Teresa is at her best in her _Way of +Perfection_ with its bursts of impassioned eloquence; its shrewd and +caustic irony; its acute and penetrating knowledge of human character, +the same in the convent as in the world; above all in its sympathetic and +tender instinct for the needs and difficulties of her daughters. _The +Perfection_ represents the finished and magnificent fabric of the +spiritual life. Her words ring with a strange terseness and earnestness +as she here pens her spiritual testament. She points out the mischievous +foibles, the little meannesses, the spirit of cantankerousness and +strife, which long experience of the cloister had shown her were the +besetting sins of the conventual life. She places before them the +loftier standard of the Cross. Her words, direct and simple, ring out +true and clear, producing somewhat the solemn effect of a Commination +Service.' Strong as that estimate is, _The Perfection_ deserves every +word of it and more. + +Teresa thought that her _Mansions_ was one of her two best books, but she +was surely far wrong in that. _The Mansions_, sometimes called _The +Interior Castle_, to me at any rate, is a most shapeless, monotonous, and +wearisome book. Teresa had a splendid imagination, but her imagination +had not the architectonic and dramatic quality that is necessary for +carrying out such a conception as that is which she has laid in the +ground-plan of this book. No one who has ever read _The Purgatorio_ or +_The Holy War_ could have patience with the shapeless and inconsequent +_Mansions_. There is nothing that is new in the matter of the +_Mansions_; there is nothing that is not found in a far better shape in +some of her other books; and one is continually wearied out by her utter +inability to handle the imagery which she will not let alone. At the +same time, the persevering reader will come continually on characteristic +things that are never to be forgotten as he climbs with Teresa from +strength to strength on her way to her Father's House. + +To my mind Teresa is at her very best, not in her _Mansions_ which she +made so much of, but in her _Letters_ which she made nothing of. I think +I prefer her _Letters_ to all her other books. A great service was done +to this fine field of literature when Teresa's letters were collected and +published. What Augustine's editor has so well said about Augustine's +letters I would borrow and would apply to Teresa's letters. All her +other works receive fresh light from her letters. The subjects of her +more elaborate writings are all handled in her letters in a far easier, a +far more natural, and a far more attractive manner. It is in her letters +that we first see the size and the strength and the sweep of her mind, +and discover the deserved deference that is paid to her on all hands. +Burdened churchmen, inquiring students in the spiritual life, perplexed +confessors, angry and remonstrating monks, husbands and wives, matrons +and maidens, all find their way to Mother Teresa. Great bundles of +letters are delivered at the door of her cell every day, and she works at +her answers to those letters till a bird begins to flutter in the top of +her head, after which her physician will not suffer her to write more +than twelve letters at a downsitting. And what letters they are, all +sealed with the name of JESUS--she will seal now with no other seal. What +letters of a strong and sound mind go out under that seal! What a +business head! What shrewdness, sagacity, insight, frankness, boldness, +archness, raillery, downright fun! And all as full of splendid sense as +an egg is full of meat. If Andrew Bonar had only read Spanish, and had +edited Teresa's _Letters_ as he has edited Rutherford's, we would have +had that treasure in all our houses. As it is, Father Coleridge long ago +fell on the happy idea of compiling a _Life of Teresa_ out of her extant +letters, and he has at last carried out his idea, if not in all its +original fulness, yet in a very admirable and praiseworthy way. But I +would like to know how many of the boasted literary and religious people +of Edinburgh have bought and read Father Coleridge's delightful book. A +hundred? Ten? Five? I doubt it. Or how many have so much as borrowed +from the circulating library Mrs. Cunninghame Graham's first-rate book? +Of Teresa's _Letters_, that greatest living authority on Teresa +says--'That long series of epistolary correspondence, so enchanting in +the original. It is in her letters that Teresa is at her best. They +reveal all her shrewdness about business and money matters; her talent +for administration; her intense interest in life, and in all that is +passing around her. Her letters show Teresa as the Castilian gentlewoman +who not only treats on terms of perfect equality with people of the +highest rank in the kingdom, but is in the greatest request by them. Her +letters, of which probably only a tithe remains, show us how marvellously +the horizon of her life had expanded, and how rapidly her fame had grown. +Perhaps no more finished specimen of epistolary correspondence has ever +been penned than those letters, written in the press of multifarious +occupations, and often late at night when the rest of the convent was +sleeping.' + +Her confessor, who commanded Teresa to throw her _Commentary on the Song +of Solomon_ into the fire, was a sensible man and a true friend to her +reputation, and the nun who snatched a few leaves out of the fire did +Teresa's fame no service. Judging of the whole by the part preserved to +us, there must have been many things scattered up and down the destroyed +book well worthy of her best pen. The 'instance of self-esteem' which +Teresa so delightfully narrates is well worth all the burnt fingers its +preservation had cost the devoted sister: and up and down the charred +leaves there are passages on conduct and character, on obedience and +humility and prayer, that Teresa alone could have written. All the same, +as a whole, her _Commentary on the Song_ is better in the fire. + +Her _Seven Meditations on the Lord's Prayer_ ran no danger of the +censor's fire. I have had occasion to read all the best expositions of +the Lord's Prayer in our language, and I am bound to say that for +originality and striking suggestiveness Teresa's _Seven Meditations_ +stands alone. After I had written that extravagant sentence I went back +and read her little book over again, so sure was I that I must have +overpraised it, and that I would not be believed in what I have said +concerning it. But after another reading of the _Meditations_ I am +emboldened to let the strong praise stand in all its original strength. I +have passages marked in abundance to prove to demonstration the estimate +I have formed of this beautiful book, but I must forego myself the +pleasure and the pride of quoting them. + +Sixteen Augustinian _Exclamations after having Communicated_: sixty-nine +_Advices to Her Daughters_, and a small collection of love-enflamed +_Hymns_, complete what remains to us of Teresa's writings. + +Teresa died of hard work and worry and shameful neglect, almost to sheer +starvation. But she had meat to eat that all Anne Bartholomew's +remaining mites could not buy for her dying mother. And, strong in the +strength of that spiritual meat, Teresa rose off her deathbed to finish +her work. She inspected with all her wonted quickness of eye and love of +order the whole of the House into which she had been carried to die. She +saw everything put into its proper place, and every one answering to +their proper order, after which she attended the divine offices for the +day, and then went back to her bed and summoned her daughters around her. +'My children,' she said, 'you must pardon me much; you must pardon me +most of all the bad example I have given you. Do not imitate me. Do not +live as I have lived. I have been the greatest sinner in all the world. +I have not kept the laws I made for others. I beseech you, my daughters, +for the love of God, to keep the rules of your Holy Houses as I have +never kept them. O my Lord,' she then turned to Him and said, 'the hour +I have so much longed for has surely come at last. The time has surely +come that we shall see one another. My Lord and Saviour, it is surely +time for me to be taken out of this banishment and be for ever with Thee. +The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart, +O God, Thou wilt not despise. Cast me not away from Thy presence, and +take not Thy Holy Spirit away from me. Create in me a clean heart, O +God.' 'A broken and a contrite heart; a broken and a contrite heart,' +was her continual cry till she died with these words on her lips, 'A +broken and a contrite heart Thou wilt not despise.' And, thus, with the +most penitential of David's penitential Psalms in her mouth, and with the +holy candle of her Church in her hand, Teresa of Jesus went forth from +her banishment to meet her Bridegroom. + + O sweet incendiary! shew here thy art + Upon this carcass of a cold hard heart; + Let all thy scatter'd shafts of light that play + Among the leaves of thy large books of day, + Combined against this breast at once break in + And take away from me myself and sin; + This gracious robbery shall thy bounty be, + And thy best fortune such fair spoils of me. + O thou undaunted daughter of desires! + By all thy dower of lights and fires; + By all the eagle in thee, all the dove; + By all thy lives and deaths of love; + By thy large draughts of intellectual day; + And all thy thirsts of love more large than they; + By all thy brim-filled bowls of fierce desire; + By thy last morning's draught of liquid fire; + By the full kingdom of that final kiss + That seized thy parting soul, and sealed thee His; + By all the Heavens thou hast in Him, + (Fair sister of the Seraphim!); + By all of Him we have in thee;-- + Leave nothing of myself in me. + Let me so read thy life, that I + Unto all life of mine may die. + + + + +SOME SELECTED PASSAGES + + +* _The translations in the following pages are mainly those of Woodhead +and Lewis_. + + + +TERESA ON HERSELF + + +I had a father and a mother who both feared God. My father had his chief +delight in the reading of good books, and he did his best to give his +children the same happy taste. This also helped me much, that I never +saw my father or my mother regard anything but goodness. Though +possessing very great beauty in her youth, my mother was never known to +set any store by it. Her apparel, even in her early married life, was +that of a woman no longer young. Her life was a life of suffering, her +death was most Christian. After my mother's removal, I began to think +too much about my dress and my appearance, and I pursued many such like +things that I was never properly warned against, full of mischief though +they were both to myself and to others. I too early learned every evil +from an immoral relative. I was very fond of this woman's company. I +gossiped and talked with her continually. She assisted me to all the +amusements I loved; and, what was worse, she found some very evil +amusements for me, and in every way communicated to me her own vanities +and mischiefs. I am amazed to think on the evil that one bad companion +can do; nor could I have believed it, unless I had known it by +experience. The company and the conversation of this one woman so +changed me that scarcely any trace was left in me of my natural +disposition to virtue. I became a perfect reflection of her and of +another who was as bad as she was. + +For my education and protection my father sent me to the Augustinian +Monastery, in which children like myself were brought up. There was a +good woman in that religious house, and I began gradually to love her. +How impressively she used to speak to me of God! She was a woman of the +greatest good sense and sanctity. She told me how she first came to +herself by the mere reading of these words of the Gospel, 'Many are +called and few chosen.' This good companionship began to root out the +bad habits I had brought to that house with me; but my heart had by that +time become so hard that I never shed a tear, no, not though I read the +whole Passion through. When at last I entered the Religious House of the +Incarnation for life, our Lord at once made me understand how He helps +those who do any violence to themselves in order to serve Him. No one +observed this violence in me. They saw nothing in me but the greatest +goodwill. At that sore step I was filled with a joy so great that it has +never wholly left me to this day. God converted the dryness of my soul +into the greatest tenderness, immediately on my taking up that cross. +Everything in religion was now a real delight to me. I had more pleasure +now in sweeping the house than I had in all the balls and dances I had +forsaken for His sake. Whenever I remember those early days, it makes me +ready to take up any cross whatsoever. For I know now by a long and a +various experience that His Majesty richly rewards even in this life all +the self-denial that we do for His sake and service. I know this by many +experiences; and if I were a person who had to advise and guide God's +people, I would urge them to fear no difficulty whatsoever in the path of +duty: for our God is omnipotent, and He is on our side. May He be +blessed for ever! Amen. + +O my supreme Good and my true Rest, I know not how to go on when I call +those happy days to mind, and think of all my evil life since then! My +tears ought to be tears of blood. My heart ought to break. But Thou, +Lord, hast borne with me for almost twenty years, till I have had time to +improve. And all that it might be better known to me who Thou art and +what I am. Woe is me, my Maker! I have no excuse, I have only blame. +Let Thy mercy, O Lord, rest on me. Other women there have been who have +done great deeds in Thy service, but I am good only to talk: all my +goodness ends in so many words: that is all my service of Thee, my God. +Cost me what it may, let me not go on coming to Thee with idle words and +empty hands, seeing that the reward of every one will be according to his +works. Depart not from me, and I can do all things. Depart from me, and +I shall return to whence I was taken, even to hell. + +One of the reasons that move me, who am what I am, to write all this even +under obedience, and to give an account of my wretched life, and of the +graces the Lord hath wrought in me is this,--and would that I were a +person of authority, and then people would perhaps believe what I say. +This then is what I would say and repeat continually if any one would +hear me. Let no one ever say: If I fall into sin, I cannot then pray. In +this the devil turned his most dreadful batteries against me. He said to +me that it showed very little shame in me if I could have the face to +pray, who had just been so wicked. And under that snare of Satan I +actually as good as gave up all prayer for a year and a half. This was +nothing else but to throw myself straight down into hell. O my God, was +there ever such madness as mine! Where could I think to find either +pardon for the past, or power for the time to come, but from Thee? What +folly to the stumbler to run away from the light! Let all those who +would give themselves to prayer, and to a holy life, look well to this. +They should know that when I was shunning prayer because I was so bad, my +badness became more abandoned than ever it had been before. Rely on the +waiting and abounding goodness of God, which is infinitely greater than +all the evil you can do. When we acknowledge our vileness, He remembers +it no more. I grew weary of sinning before God grew weary of forgiving +my sin. He is never weary of giving grace, nor are his compassions to be +exhausted. May He be blessed for ever, amen: and may all created things +praise Him! + +I have made a vow--[it is known as 'the Teresian vow,' 'the seraphic +vow,' 'the most arduous of vows,' 'a vow yet unexampled in the Church'], +a vow never to offend God in the very least matter. I have vowed that I +would rather die a thousand deaths than do anything of that kind, knowing +I was doing it. I am resolved also, never to leave anything whatsoever +undone that I consider to be still more perfect, and more for the honour +of our Lord. Cost me what pain it may, I would not leave such an act +undone for all the treasures of the world. If I were to do so, I do not +think I could have the face to ask anything of God in prayer: and yet, +for all that, I have many faults and imperfections remaining in me to +this day. + + + +ON THE GODHEAD + + +On one occasion when I was in prayer I had a vision in which I saw how +all things are seen in God. I cannot explain what I saw, but what I saw +remains to this day deeply imprinted on my soul. It was a great act of +grace in God to give me that vision. It puts me to unspeakable +confusion, shame, and horror whenever I recall that magnificent sight, +and then think of my sin. I believe that had the Lord been pleased to +send me that great revelation of Himself earlier in my life, it would +have kept me back from much sin. The vision was so delicate, so subtle, +and so spiritual, that my hard understanding cannot, at this distance of +time, close with it; but, to make use of an illustration, it was +something like this. Suppose the Godhead to be a vast globe of light, a +globe larger than the whole world, and that all our actions are seen in +that all-embracing globe. It was something like that I saw. For I saw +all my most filthy actions gathered up and reflected back upon me from +that World of light. I tell you it was a piteous and a dreadful thing to +see. I knew not where to hide myself, for that shining light, in which +was no darkness at all, held the whole world within it, and all worlds. +You will see that I could not flee from its presence. Oh that they could +be made to see this who commit deeds of darkness! Oh that they but saw +that there is no place secret from God: but that all they do is done +before Him, and in Him! Oh the madness of committing sin in the +immediate presence of a Majesty so great, and to whose holiness all our +sin is so hateful. In this also I saw His great mercifulness in that He +suffers such a sinner as I am still to live. + + + +ON THE SOUL + + +O my God, what unspeakable sufferings our souls have to endure because +they have lost their liberty, and are not their own masters! What +tortures come on them through that! I sometimes wonder how I can live +through such agony of soul as I myself suffer. God be praised who gives +me His own life in my soul, so that I may escape from so deadly a death! +My soul has indeed received great strength from His Divine Majesty. He +has had compassion on my great misery, and has helped me. Oh, what a +distress it is for my soul to have to return to hold commerce with this +world after having had its conversation in heaven! To have to play a +part in the sad farce of this earthly life! And yet I am in a strait +betwixt two. I cannot run away from this world. I must remain in it +till my discharge comes. But, meantime, how keen is my captivity; how +wretched in my own soul am I. And one of my worst distresses is this, +that I am alone in my exile. All around me people seem to have found +their aim and end in life in this horrible prison-house, and to have +said, Soul, take thine ease. But the life of my soul is a life of +incessant trouble. The cross is always on my shoulder; at the same time +I surely make some progress. God is the Soul of my soul. He engulfs +into Himself my soul. He enlightens and strengthens my soul. He attends +to my soul night and day. He gives my soul more and more grace. This +has not come about of myself. No effort of mine brought this about. His +Majesty does it all. And He has held me by the hand, that I might not go +back. For this reason, it seems to me, the soul in which God works His +grace, if it walks in humility and in fear, it may be led into whatsoever +temptation, and thrown into whatsoever company, and it will only gain new +strength there, and win new victories and spoils there. Those are strong +souls which are chosen of the Lord to work for the souls of others. At +the same time, their best strength is not their own. All that such souls +ever attain to and perform, all these things only make them more humble, +and therefore more strong; more able to despise the things of this world, +and to lay up their treasure in those things which God hath prepared for +them that love Him. May it please His Majesty that the great munificence +with which He has dealt with my soul, miserable sinner that I am, may +have some weight with some of those who read this, so that they may be +strong and courageous to give up everything at once and most willingly +for such a God! + + + +ON GOD IN THE SOUL + + +This has done me a great deal of good, and it has affected me much and +opened my eyes in many ways. It is an ennobling thing to think that God +is more in the soul of man than He is in aught else outside of Himself. +They are happy people who have once got a hold of this glorious truth. In +particular, the Blessed Augustine testifies that neither in the house, +nor in the church, nor anywhere else, did he find God, till once he had +found Him in himself. Nor had he need to go up to heaven, but only down +into himself to find God. Nay, he took God to heaven with him when at +last he went there. + +Now consider what our Master teaches us to say: 'Our Father which art in +heaven.' Think you it concerns you little to know where and what that +heaven is, and where your Heavenly Father is to be sought and found? I +tell you that for vagrant minds it matters much not only to believe +aright about heaven, but to procure to understand this matter by +experience. It is one of those things that strongly bind the +understanding and recollect the soul. You already know that God is in +all places: in fine, that where God is there heaven is, and where His +Majesty most reveals Himself there glory is. Consider again what Saint +Augustine said, that he sought God in many places, till at last he came +to find Him within himself. You need not go to heaven to see God, or to +regale yourself with God. Nor need you speak loud as if He were far +away. Nor need you cry for wings like a dove so as to fly to Him. Settle +yourself in solitude, and you will come upon God in yourself. And then +entreat Him as your Father, and relate to Him your troubles. Those who +can in this manner shut themselves up in the little heaven of their own +hearts, where He dwells who made heaven and earth, let them be sure that +they walk in the most excellent way: they lay their pipe right up to the +fountain. To keep the eyes shut is an excellent practice in prayer, +because it is a summons and an assistance to turn the eyes of the soul +within, where God dwells and waits in Christ to be gracious. Account +thus, that there is a great and beautiful palace in your soul; that its +structure is all of gold and precious stones; that your gifts and graces +are those shining stones, and that the greater your virtues are the more +those precious stones sparkle. And, also, that in this palace the Great +King is your guest. He sits on the innermost seat of your heart, and +holds it to be His best and bravest throne. This will seem to some a +silly fiction. And yet, if you will believe it, fiction as it is, it +will help you much; you especially who are women. For we women sorely +want such assistance to our thoughts. And, God grant that it be only +women who need such assistance to show them how base is the use they make +of themselves. There should be some difference between us, both men and +women, and the brute beasts. The brute beasts are nowhere said to be +temples of God, and they are nowhere called to account because their god +is their belly. O great God, I tremble to see that I have written such a +page as the above, being such a wretch as I am. My daughters, in their +own goodness, will be tempted to think that all this is true of myself, +and that is a terrible thought to me. On the other hand, it is true of +God and their own souls. Now let men pass a thousand censures on me, and +on my way of teaching the truth. What of that, if only God and His ways +be a little better known and loved! My sisters, the King is in His +palace all this time. There are hostile invasions of His borders, and +inroads made into His territories, but He abides all the time on His +throne. I smile at the weakness and unworthiness of all those +comparisons of palaces, and thrones, and shining stones, and enemies on +the border. They in no way satisfy me. But I am a woman, and I can find +out no better words for you women. Think and say of my words what you +please. The thing that I have spoken to you is the truth. + + + +ON THE LOVE OF GOD + + +The true proficiency of the soul consists not so much in deep thinking or +eloquent speaking or beautiful writing as in much and warm loving. Now +if you ask me in what way this much and warm love may be acquired, I +answer,--By resolving to do the will of God, and by watching to do His +will as often as occasion offers. Those who truly love God love all good +wherever they find it. They seek all good to all men. They encourage +all good in all men. They commend all good, they always unite themselves +with all good, they always acknowledge and defend all good. They have no +quarrels. They bear no envy. O Lord, give me more and more of this +blessed love. Grant me grace not to quit this underworld life till I no +longer desire anything, nor am capable of loving anything, save Thee +alone. Grant that I may use this word 'love' with regard to Thee alone, +since there is no solidity for my love to rest on save in Thee. The soul +has her own ways of understanding, and of finding in herself, by certain +signs and great conjectures, whether she really loves His Divine Majesty +or no. Her love is full of high impulses, and longings to see and to be +with and to be like God. All else tires and wearies out the soul. The +best of created things disappoint and torment the soul. God alone +satisfies the soul, till it is impossible to dissemble or mistake such a +love. When once I came to see the great beauty of our Lord, it turned +all other comeliness to corruption to me. My heart could rest on nothing +and on no one but Himself. When anything else would enter my heart I had +only to turn my eyes for a moment in upon that Supreme Beauty that was +engraven within me. So that it is now impossible that any created thing +can so possess my soul as not to be instantly expelled, and my mind and +heart set free by a little effort to recover the remembrance of the +goodness and the beauty of our Lord. Good God! What a difference there +is between the love of the Creator and the love of the creature! May His +Divine Majesty vouchsafe to let us see and taste and understand something +of this before He takes us out of this prison-house life, for it will be +a magnificent comfort in the hour of death to know that we are on our way +to be judged by Him whom we have loved above all things. We are not +going to a strange country, since it is His country whom we love and who +loves us. These things being so, I have this very day solaced my soul +with our Lord, and have made my moan to Him in this manner. O my Lord, +why keepest Thou Thy servant in this miserable life so long, where all is +such vexation, and disappointment, and manifold trouble? And not only +keepest me so long in this banishment, but so hidest Thyself from me. Is +this worthy of Thee and of Thy great goodness? Were I what Thou art, and +wert Thou what I am, Thou wouldest not have to endure it at my hands. I +beseech Thee, O my Lord, to consider that this is a kind of injury and +wrong to proceed after this manner with one who loves Thee so much. This +and the like have come into my heart to say: though my bed in hell better +becomes me than so to speak to my Lord. At the same time, the love I +bear my Lord sometimes so consumes me that I am beside myself, till I +scarce know what I say or do; and then I find myself making such +unbecoming complaints that I am amazed our Lord endures them at my hands. +Eternal praise to so good a Lord! + + + +ON THE LOVE OF OUR NEIGHBOUR + + +There are only two duties that our Lord requires of us,--the love of God, +and the love of our neighbour. And, in my opinion, the surest sign for +discovering our love to God is our love to our neighbour. And be assured +that the further you advance in the love of your neighbour, the further +you are advancing in the love of God likewise. But, oh me, how many +worms lie gnawing at the roots of our love to our neighbour! Self-love, +self-esteem, fault-finding, envy, anger, impatience, scorn. I assure you +I write this with great grief, seeing myself to be so miserable a sinner +against all my neighbours. Our Lord, my sisters, expects works. +Therefore when you see any one sick, compassionate her as if she were +yourself. Pity her. Fast that she may eat. Wake that she may sleep. +Again, when you hear any one commended and praised, rejoice in it as much +as if you were commended and praised yourself. Which, indeed, should be +easy, because where humility truly is, praise is a torment. Cover also +your sister's defects as you would have your own defects and faults +covered and not exposed. As often as occasion offers, lift off your +neighbour's burden. Take it off her heart and on upon yourself. Satan +himself would not be Satan any longer if he could once love his neighbour +as himself. + +Endeavour, my daughters, all you can, to be affable to all. Demean +yourselves so that all who have to do with you may love your +conversation, so as to desire after your way of life. Let no one be +affrighted or turned away from the life of virtue and religion by your +gloom and morosity. This concerns religious women very much. The more +holy they are, the more affable and sociable should they study to be. +Never hold aloof from others because their conversation is not altogether +to your taste. Love them, and they will love you, and then they will +converse with you, and will become like you, and better than you. Let +not your soul coop itself up in a corner. For, instead of attaining to +greater sanctity in a proud, and disdainful, and impatient seclusion, the +devil will keep you company there, and will do your sequestered soul much +mischief. Bury evil affections in good works. Wherefore be accessible +and affable to all, and all in love. Love is an endless enchantment, and +spell, and fascination. + + + +ON OUR SINFULNESS + + +This is a very fit place for thinking on our wounds, and bruises, and +putrifying sores: the blindness of our minds, the depravity and the +bondage of our wills, the forgetfulness of our memories, the slipperiness +of our tongues, the levity and frivolity of our hearts, with all their +extravagances, presumptions, neglects. In fine, let there be no +spiritual wound within us, great or small, old or new, which we do not +daily discover and lay open to our Sovereign Physician, beseeching of Him +a remedy. This day it is very proper to call to mind the five fountains +of our Lord's wounds, which are still open, and will remain open till the +last day for the cure of all the sores of our souls. And since out of +His wounds we receive our spiritual health, let us mollify our wounds +with the ointment of mortification and humility and meekness: in all +things always employing ourselves for the benefit of our neighbour. +Since, though we cannot have our Lord visibly and in presence beside us, +we have our neighbour, who for the ends of love and loving service is as +good as our Lord Himself. + + + +ON THE WORLD + + +I saw that rich and great as she was, she was still a woman, and as much +liable to all manner of passion and all womanly weakness as I was myself. +I saw as I lived in her house that rank is of little worth, and the +higher it is, the greater the trouble and the anxiety it brings with it. +Great people must be careful of their dignity. It will not suffer them +to live at ease. They must eat at fixed hours and by rule, for +everything must be according to their state, and not according to their +constitutions. And they have frequently to take food more fitted for +their state than for their liking. So it was that I came to hate the +wish to be a great lady. God deliver me from this artificial and evil +life! Then, as to servants, though this lady has very good servants, how +slight is the trust she is able to put in them. One must not be +conversed with more than the rest, otherwise he is envied and hated of +all the rest. This of itself is a slavery; and it is another of the lies +of the world to call such people masters and mistresses, who, in reality, +are nothing but slaves in a thousand ways. I really see nothing good in +the world and its ways but this, that it will not tolerate the smallest +fault in those who are not its own. For by detracting, and +fault-finding, and evil-reporting on the good, the world greatly helps to +perfect them. He who will not die to the world shall die by it. O +wretched world! Bless God, my daughters, that He has chosen and enabled +you to turn your backs for ever on a thing so base. The world is to be +known by this also, that it esteems a man not by what he is, but by what +he possesses: by what is in his purse: and, that failing, the honour and +esteem of the world instantly fail also. O our Lord; Supreme Power, +Supreme Goodness, Supreme Truth; Thy perfections are without beginning +and without end. They are infinite and incomprehensible. They are a +bottomless ocean of beauty. O my God, that I had the eloquence of an +angel's speech to set forth Thy goodness and Thy truth, and to win all +men over to Thee! + + + +ON EVIL-SPEAKING + + +After my vow of perfection I spake not ill of any creature, how little +soever it might be. I scrupulously avoided all approaches to detraction. +I had this rule ever present with me, that I was not to wish, nor assent +to, nor say such things of any person whatsoever, that I would not have +them say of me. And as time went on, I succeeded in persuading those who +were about me to adopt the same habit, till it came to be understood that +where I was absent persons were safe. So they were also with all those +whom I so instructed. Still, for all that, I have a sufficiently strict +account to give to God for the bad example I am to all about me in some +other respects. May it please His Majesty to forgive me, for I have been +the cause of much evil. For one thing, the devil sometimes fills me with +such a harsh and cruel temper: such a spirit of anger and hostility at +some people, that I could eat them up and annihilate them. At the same +time, concerning things said of myself in detraction, and they are many, +and are very prejudicial to me, I find myself much improved. These +things make little impression upon me. I am under them as a deaf man +that hears not, and as a man in whose mouth there is no retaliation. Nay, +I almost always see that my greatest detractors have only too good reason +for what they say. In this way my soul actually gains peace and strength +under detraction, till it becomes a great favour done me, and a great +advantage. Upon betaking myself to prayer, I find in my heart neither +repugnance at my detractors nor enmity. For, although, when I first hear +the detraction, it causes me a little disconcert, yet not any +long-lasting disquiet or alteration. Nay, sometimes when I see people +take pity on me because of my detractors, I laugh at them, so little do +all my detractors now hurt me. + + + +ON SELF-EXCUSING + + +That which I am now to persuade you to, namely, the not excusing of +yourselves, causes a great confusion in me. For it is a very perfect +quality and of great merit; and I ought far better to practise what I +tell you concerning this excellent virtue. I confess myself to be but +little improved in this noble duty. For it is a mark of the deepest and +truest humility to see ourselves condemned without cause, and to be +silent under it. It is a very noble imitation of our Lord. Were I truly +humble, I would desire disesteem, even though having in the matter in +hand given no real offence. Here no bodily strength is needed, my +daughters, nor any one's assistance, but God's. How well is this +written, and how ill is it practised by the writer! Indeed, I never +could make trial of this grace in any matter of consequence, because I +never heard of any one speaking ill of me, but I immediately saw how far +short he came of the full truth. For, if he was wrong or exaggerated in +his particulars, I had offended God much more in other matters that my +detractor knew nothing about. And, methought, God favoured me much in +not proclaiming my secret sins to all men. And, thus, I am very glad +that my detractor should ever report a trifling lie about me, rather than +the terrible truth. + +O my Lord, when I remember in how many ways Thou didst suffer detraction +and misrepresentation, who in no way deserved it, I know not where my +senses are when I am in such a haste to defend and excuse myself. Is it +possible that I should desire any one to speak any good of me, or to +think it, when so many ill things were thought and spoken of Thee! What +is this, O Lord; what do we imagine to get by pleasing worms, or being +praised by them? What about being blamed by all men, if only we stand at +last blameless before Thee! + + + +ON PRAISE, PRECEDENCY, AND POINTS OF HONOUR + + +Observe carefully the stirrings of your heart in matters of superiority. +Pray to be delivered from such thoughts as these: I am older. I deserve +better. I have laboured more. I have more talent. Such thoughts are +the plague and poison of the heart. Believe me, if there remain in you +any allowed hankerings after the praises of men, though you may have +spent many years in prayer, or rather in idle forms of prayer, you have +made no progress, and never will, till your heart is crucified to the +approval and the praise of men. If you feel in yourself any point of +honour, any pride, any desire of eminence or pre-eminence, you must free +yourself from that abominable bondage, and for that chain there is no +hammer and file like humility and prayer. Among the rest of my great +imperfections this was one. I had very little knowledge of my Breviary, +or of that which was to be sung in the choir, and all the while I saw +that some other novices could instruct me. But I was too proud to ask +any questions. I was afraid that my great ignorance should be +discovered. Shortly afterwards a good example was set before me, and +then, when God had once opened my eyes to my sinful pride, I was content +to ask information and the help even of little children. And yet,--and +this surprised me, I lost no credit or honour thereby. Nay, it seemed to +me that my Lord after that gave me better skill and a better memory. I +could sing but very ill, and I was troubled at this, not because I failed +in my worship of God, but because so many heard me, and thus I was +disturbed on the mere point of honour and praise. I told them that I +could not do what others did, and what was expected of me. At first I +had some difficulty in this, but it soon became both natural and pleasant +to me to tell the truth. By these nothings,--and they are really +nothings, and I am sufficiently nothing when such things could put me to +so much pain,--and by little and little His Divine Majesty vouchsafed to +supply me with strength. I was never good at the choir, but I tried to +do my part for it in folding up the mantles of the singers; and, +methought, in that I was serving the angels of God who so well praised +Him. I did that also by stealth, such was my pride, and my pride was +hurt when they discovered what I did. O my Lord, who that ever reads +this can fail to despise and abhor me? I beseech Thy Divine Majesty that +I may soon be able to leave all such vanities as the praise and blame of +men, and seek Thy praise only! And then add this, which is worth +knowing. The devil will not dare to tempt one to pride or precedency who +is truly humble because, being very crafty, he fears defeat. If you are +truly humble, you will only grow in that grace by every temptation to +pride or praise. For, immediately on the temptation, you will reflect on +your whole past life and present character, and on the stupendous +humility of Jesus Christ. And by these considerations your tempted soul +will come off so victorious, that the enemy will think twice before he +comes back, for fear of a broken head. + + + +ON HUMILITY + + +Keep yourselves, my daughters, from that false humility which the devil +suggests concerning the greatness of your sins. For hereby he is wont to +disquiet our souls after sundry sorts, and to draw us off Holy Communion, +and also from prayer. It is sometimes a great and a true humility to +esteem ourselves as bad as may be, but at other times it is a false and a +spurious humility. I know it, for I have experienced it. True humility, +however great, does not disquiet nor disorder the soul. It comes with +great peace, and great serenity, and great delight. Though we should see +our utter wickedness, and how truly we deserve to be in hell, and think +that both God and man must despise and abhor us; yet, if this be a true +humility, it comes with a certain sweetness and satisfaction attending +it. This humility does not stifle nor crush the soul. It rather dilates +the soul, and disposes the soul for the better service of God. While +that other sorrow troubles all, and confounds all, and destroys all. It +is the devil's humility when he gets us to distrust God. When you find +yourselves thus, lay aside all thinking on your own misery, and meditate +on the infinite mercy of God, and on the inexhaustible merit and grace of +Jesus Christ. + +I was once considering what the reason was why our Lord loved humility in +us so much, when I suddenly remembered that He is essentially the Supreme +Truth, and that humility is just our walking in the truth. For it is a +very great truth that we have no good in us, but only misery and +nothingness, and he who does not understand this walks in lies: but he +who understands this the best is the most pleasing to the Supreme Truth. +May God grant us this favour, sisters, never to be without the humbling +knowledge of ourselves. + +O Sovereign Virtues! O Ladies of all the creatures! O Empresses of the +whole world! Whoever hath you may go forth and fight boldly with all +hell at once. Let your soldiers not fear, for victory is already theirs. +They only fear to displease God. They constantly beseech Him to maintain +all the virtues in them. It is true these virtues have this property, to +hide themselves from him who possesses them, so that he never sees them +in himself, nor thinks that he can ever possess a single one of them. +Other men see all the virtues in him, but he so values them that he still +pursues them, and seeks them as something never to be attained by such as +he is. And Humility is one of them, and is Queen and Empress and +Sovereign over them all. In fine, one act of true humility in the sight +of God is of more worth than all the knowledge, sacred and profane, in +the whole world. + + + +ON SORROW FOR SIN + + +It is indeed a very great misery to live on in this evil world where our +enemies are ever at our gate, and where we can neither eat nor sleep in +peace, but are compelled to have our armour on night and day. There is +no rest here, nor happiness, nor will be till we are with the +Everlastingly Blessed. As I write I am seized with terror, lest I should +never escape this sinful life. Pray for me, my daughters, that Christ +may ever live in me: for, otherwise, what security can there be for such +as I am, who have been so wicked. You may sometimes have thought, my +daughters, that those to whom the Lord particularly communicates Himself, +will be henceforth secure of enjoying Him for ever, and that they will +have no need to fear or bewail their former sins. But this is a great +mistake. Sorrow for sin increases in proportion as more and more grace +is received from God. And I, for my part, believe, that this bitter +sorrow will never leave us till we come where neither sin nor anything +else will ever disquiet us. True, both past sin, and present sinfulness, +affect us more at one time than at another; and, likewise, in a different +manner. I know one who often wishes for death, that she may be freed +from the torment of her sinful heart. No one's sins can equal hers, +because there can be no one who has obtained such favours of her God. Her +fear is not so much of hell, as that she should so grieve God's Holy +Spirit, that He will be wearied out, and will forsake her, and leave her +in her sins. This fear and pain is not at all eased by believing that +her past sins have all been forgiven and forgotten of God. Nay, her fear +and pain but increase by seeing such mercy extended toward a woman who +deserves nothing but hell. + + + +ON LEARNING AND INTELLECT + + +I always had a great respect and affection for intellectual and learned +men. It is my experience that all who intend to be true Christians will +do well to treat with men of mind and books about their souls. The more +learning our preachers and pastors have the better. For if they have not +much experience themselves, yet they know the Scriptures and the recorded +experiences of the saints better than we do. The devil is exceedingly +afraid of learning, especially where it is accompanied with humility and +virtue. For my own part, I bless God continually, and we women, and all +such as are not ourselves intellectual or learned, are always to give God +infinite thanks that there are some men in the world who take such great +pains to attain to that knowledge which we need but do not possess. And +it delights me to see men taking the immense trouble they do take to +bring me so much profit, and that without any trouble to me. I have only +to sit still and hear them. I have only to come and ask them a question. +Let us pray for our teachers, for what would we do without them. I +beseech the Lord to bless our teachers, that they may be more and more a +blessing to us. + +When I spoke of humility, it must not be understood as if I spoke against +aspiring after the highest things that mind and heart and life can attain +to. For though I have no ability for the wisdom and the knowledge of God +myself, and am so miserable that God did me a great favour in teaching me +the very lowliest truths: yet, in my judgment, learning and knowledge are +very great possessions, and a great assistance in the life of prayer, if +only they are always accompanied with humility. I have of late seen some +very learned men become in addition very spiritual and prayerful men. And +that makes me pray that all our men of mind and learning may soon become +spiritual men and men of much prayer. + +Let no one be admitted into this House unless she is a woman of a sound +understanding. For if she is without mind she will neither know herself, +nor understand her teachers. For the most part they that are defective +in mind ever think that they understand things better than their +teachers. And ignorance and self-conceit is a disease that is incurable; +and besides, it usually carries great malice along with it. Many speak +much and understand little. Others, again, speak little and not very +elegantly, and yet they have a sound understanding. There is such a +thing as a holy simplicity that knows little of anything but of how to +treat with God. At the same time commend me to holy people of good +heads. From silly devotees, may God deliver us! While all that is true, +in the very act of prayer itself there is little necessity for learning, +for the mind then, because of its nearness to the light, is itself +immediately illuminated. I myself, who am what I am, even I am a +different person in prayer. It has often happened to me, who scarcely +understand a word of what I read in Latin, when in deep prayer, to +understand the Latin Psalms as if they were Spanish. At the same time, +even for prayer, let those who have to teach and preach take full +advantage of their learning, that they may help poor people of little +learning, of whom I am one. Ministering with all learning and all +intellectual ability to souls is a great thing, when it is done unto God. +I have many experiences in prayer that I do not understand, and cannot +explain or defend. Our Lord has not been pleased to give me the full +intellectual understanding of all His dealings with me. That is the +truth. Though you, my father, may think that I have a quick +understanding, it is in reality not so. Sometimes my advisers used to be +amazed at my ignorance how God carried on His work within me. It was +there, but the way of it was a great deep to me. I could neither wade +out unto God, nor down into myself. Though, as I have said, I loved to +converse with men of mind as well as of heart. At the same time, my +difficulties but increased my devotion, and the greater my difficulty the +greater the increase of my devotion. Praise His Name. + + + +ON PRAYER + + +(1) _The Price of Prayer_.--O Thou Lord of my soul, and my Eternal Good, +why is it that when a soul resolves to follow Thee, and to do her best to +forsake all for Thee,--why is it that Thou dost not instantly perfect Thy +love and Thy peace within that soul? But I have spoken unadvisedly and +foolishly, for it is we who are at fault in prayer, and never Thee. We +are so long and so slow in giving up our hearts to Thee. And then Thou +wilt not permit our enjoyment of Thee without our paying well for so +precious a possession. There is nothing in all the world wherewith to +buy the shedding abroad of Thy love in our heart, but our heart's love. +If, however, we did what we could, not clinging with our hearts to +anything whatsoever in this world, but having our treasure and our +conversation in heaven, then this blessedness would soon be ours, as all +Thy saints testify. God never withholds Himself from him who pays this +price and who perseveres in seeking Him. He will, little by little, and +now and then, strengthen and restore that soul, till at last it is +victorious. If he who enters on this road only does violence enough to +himself, with the help of God, he will not only go to heaven himself, but +he will not go alone: he will take others with him. God will give him, +as to a good leader, those who will go after him. Only, let not any man +of prayer ever expect to enjoy his whole reward here. He must remain a +man of faith and prayer to the end. Let him resolve, then, that whatever +his aridity and sense of indevotion may be, he will never let himself +sink utterly under his cross. And the day will come when he will receive +all his petitions in one great answer, and all his wages in one great +reward. For he serves a good Master, who stands over him watching him. +And let him never give over because of evil thoughts, even if they are +sprung upon him in the middle of his prayer, for the devil so vexed the +holy Jerome even in the wilderness. But all these toils of soul have +their sure reward, and their just recompense set out for them. And, I +can assure you, as one who knows what she is saying, that one single drop +of water out of God's living well will both sustain you and reward you +for another day and another night of your life of life-long prayer. + +(2) _Sin spoils Prayer_.--Now I saw that there would be no answer to me +till I had entire purity of conscience, and no longer regarded any +iniquity whatsoever in my heart. I saw that there were some secret +affections still left in me, which, though they were not very bad perhaps +in themselves, yet in a life of prayer such as I was attempting those +remanent affections spoiled all. + +(3) _Eighteen Years of Misery in Prayer_.--It is not without very good +reason that I have dwelt so long on this part of my life. It will give +no one any pleasure to see any one so base as I was. And I wish all who +read this to have me in abhorrence. I failed in all obedience, because I +was not leaning on my strong pillar of prayer. I passed nearly twenty +years of my life on this stormy sea, constantly tossed with tempest and +never coming to harbour. It was the most painful life that can be +imagined, because I had no sweetness in God, and certainly no sweetness +in sin. I was often very angry with myself on account of the many tears +I shed for my faults, when I could not but see how little improvement all +my tears made in me. All my tears did not hold me back from sin when the +opportunity returned. Till I came to look on my tears as little short of +a delusion: and yet they were not. It was the goodness of the Lord to +give me such compunction even when it was not as yet accompanied with +complete reformation. But the whole root of my evil lay in my not +thoroughly avoiding all occasions of sin, and in my confessors, who +helped me at that time so little. If they had only told me what a +dangerous road it was I was travelling in, and that I was bound to break +off all occasions of sin, I do believe, without any doubt, that the +matter would have been remedied at once. Nevertheless, I can trace +distinctly the mercy of God to me in that all the time I had still the +courage to pray. I say courage, because I know nothing in the whole +world that requires greater courage than plotting treason against the +King, knowing that He knows it, and yet continuing to frequent His +presence in prayer. I spent more than eighteen years in that miserable +attempt to reconcile God and my life of sin. The reason that I tell and +repeat all this so often is that all who read what I write may understand +how great is that grace God works in the soul when He gives it a +disposition to pray on, even when it has not yet left off all sin. If +that soul perseveres, in spite of sin, and temptation, and many relapses, +our Lord will bring that soul at last--I am certain of it--to the harbour +of salvation, to which He is surely bringing myself. I will say what I +know by experience,--let him never cease from prayer, who has once begun +to pray, be his life ever so bad. For prayer is the only way to amend +his life, and without prayer it will never be mended. Let him not be +tempted of the devil, as I was, to give up prayer on account of his +unworthiness. Let him rather believe that if he will only still repent +and pray, our Lord will still hear and answer. For myself, very often I +was more occupied with the wish to see the end of the hour. I used +actually to watch the sand-glass. And the sadness I sometimes felt on +entering my oratory was so great, that it required all my courage to +force myself in. In the end our Lord came to my help: and, then, when I +had done this violence to myself, I found far greater peace and joy than +when I prayed with regale and rapture. If our Lord then bore so long +with me in all my wickedness, why should any one despair, however wicked +he may be? Let him have been ever so wicked up till now, he will not +remain in his wickedness so many years as I did after receiving so many +graces from our Lord. And this more I will say,--prayer was the true +door by which our Lord distributed out all His grace so liberally to me. +Prayer and trust. I used indeed to pray for help: but I see now that I +committed all the time the fatal mistake of not putting my whole trust in +His Majesty. I should have utterly and thoroughly distrusted and +detested and suspected myself. I sought for help. I sometimes took +great pains to get it. But I did not understand of how little use all +that is unless we root utterly all confidence out of ourselves, and place +it at once, and for ever, and absolutely in God. Those were eighteen +miserable years. + +(4) _Aridity in Prayer_.--Let no one weary or lose heart in prayer +because of aridity. For the Hearer of prayer comes in all such cases +very late. But at last He comes. And though He confessedly comes late, +He correspondingly makes up to the soul for all His delays, and rewards +her on the spot for all her toil, and dryness, and discouragement of many +years. I have great pity on those who give way and lose all this through +not being taught to persevere in prayer. It is a bad beginning, and very +prejudicial to proficiency in prayer, to use it for the gust and +consolation that a man receives at the time. I know by my own +experience, that he who determines to pray, not much heeding either +immediate comfort or dejection, he has got into one of the best secrets +of prayer. I am troubled to hear that grave men, and men of learning and +understanding, complain that God does not give them sensible devotion. It +proceeds from ignorance of the true life of prayer, and from not carrying +the cross into prayer as into all the rest of the spiritual life. He who +begins to pray should be well told that he begins to plant a fine garden +in very bad soil; a soil full of the most noxious and ineradicable weeds. +And that after good herbs and plants and flowers have been sown, then he +has to weed and water and fence and watch that garden night and day and +all his life. Till the Lord of the garden is able to come and recreate +and regale Himself where once there was nothing but weeds, and stones, +and noxious vermin. Prayer, howsoever perfect in itself it may be, must +always be directed in upon the performance of good works. We must not +content ourselves with the gift of prayer, or with liberty and +consolation and gust in prayer. We must come out from prayer the most +rapturous and sweet only to do harder and ever harder works for God and +our neighbour. Otherwise the prayer is not good, and the gusts are not +from God. The growth and maturity and fruitfulness of the soul do not +stand in liberty in prayer, but in love. And this love is got not by +speaking much but by doing and suffering much. For my part, and I have +been long at it, I desire no other gift of prayer but that which ends in +every day making me a better and better woman. By its fruits your prayer +will be known to yourselves and others. + +At other times I find myself so arid that I am not able to form any +distinct idea of God, nor can I put my soul into an attitude of prayer, +though I am in the place of prayer, and though I feel that I know +something of God. This mind of mine at such times is like a born fool or +some idiot creature that nothing can bind down. I cannot command myself. +I cannot properly say one _Credo_. At such times I laugh bitterly at +myself, and see clearly my own natural misery. I come then to see the +exceeding favour of the Lord in that He ever holds this insane fool fast +in prayer and holiness. What would those who love and honour me think if +they saw their friend in this dotage and distraction? I reflect at such +times on the great hurt our original sin has done us. For it is from our +first fall that all this has come to us that we so wander from God, and +are so often utterly incapable of God. But it is not so much Adam's sin +as my own that works in me all this alienation and inability and aridity. +Methinks I love God; but my actions, and the endless imperfections I see +in myself, cause me great fear, and deep and inconsolable distress. + +(5) _Prayer after Sin_.--Never let any one leave off prayer on any +pretence: great sins committed, or any other pretence whatsoever. For by +leaving off prayer the soul will be finally lost, while every return to +prayer is new life and new strength, as I am continually telling you. I +tell you again that the leaving off of prayer was the most devilish and +the most deadly temptation I ever met with. + +(6) _Meditation in Prayer_.--He who prays should often stop to think with +whom he speaks: who he himself is who speaks: who Jesus Christ is through +whom he speaks: what that country is to which he aspires: how he may best +please Him who dwells there: and what he is to do so that his character +and disposition may suit with God's disposition and character. Mental +prayer, as I am wont to call it, is the constant meditation of such +things as these. And mental prayer ought to be endeavoured after by all, +though they have no virtues, because it is the beginning of them, and +therefore the one interest of all men is at once to begin such prayer. +But it will be exercised with no little difficulty unless the steady +acquisition of the virtues accompanies it. In prayer it is far best to +be alone; as, for our example and instruction, our Lord always was when +He prayed. For we cannot talk both to God and man at the same moment. +And, if we feel too much alone, and must have company, no company is +comparable to Christ's company. Let us picture and represent Christ to +ourselves and to His Father as always at our side. Those who pray with +proper preparation: that is, with much meditation on the whole life and +death of our Lord: on their own death: on the last day, or such like, our +Lord will bring all such to the port of light. Meditate much on the +Sacred Humanity of our Lord: what He was on earth: what He said: what He +did, and what He suffered. Because this life of ours is long and uphill, +which to pass well through needs the constant presence with us of our +great Exemplar, Jesus Christ. + +(7) _The Presence of God in Prayer_.--In prayer there would sometimes +come upon me such a sense of the Presence of God that I seemed to be all +engulfed in God. I think the learned call this mystical experience; at +any rate, it so suspends the ordinary operations of the soul that she +seems to be wholly taken out of herself. This tenderness, this +sweetness, this regale is nothing else but the Presence of God in the +praying soul. At the same time, I believe that we can greatly help +toward the obtaining of God's Presence. We obtain it by considering much +our own baseness, the neglect and the ingratitude we show toward the Son +of God, how much He has done for us, His passion and terrible suffering, +His whole life so full of affliction, by delighting ourselves in His word +and in His works, and such things as these. And if in these reflections +the soul be seized with the Presence of God, then the whole soul is +regaled as I have described. The heart is filled with relenting. Tears +also abound. In this way does the Divine Majesty repay us even here for +any little care we take to serve Him and to be with Him. The life of +prayer is just love to God and the custom of being ever with Him. + +(8) _Supernatural Prayer_.--In supernatural prayer God places the soul in +His immediate Presence, and in an instant bestows Himself upon the soul +in a way she could never of herself attain to. He manifests something of +His greatness to the soul at such times: something of His beauty, +something of His special and particular grace. And the soul enjoys God +without dialectically understanding just how she so enjoys Him. She +burns with love without knowing what she has done to deserve or to +prepare herself for such a rapture. It is the gift of God, and He gives +His gifts to whomsoever and whensoever He will. This, my daughters, is +perfect contemplation: this is supernatural prayer. Now this is the +difference between natural and supernatural prayer: between mental and +transcendental prayer. In ordinary prayer we more or less understand +what we say and do. We think of Him to whom we speak; we think about +ourselves and about our Surety and Mediator. In all this, by God's help, +we can do something, so to speak, of ourselves. But in pure supernatural +and transcendental prayer, we do nothing at all. His Divine Majesty it +is who does it all. He works in us at such elect seasons what far +transcends and overtops all the powers and resources even of the renewed +nature. At the same time, as a far-off means of attaining to +supernatural prayer, it is necessary to put upon ourselves the acquiring +of the great virtues, and especially, humility: we must give up and +resign ourselves wholly and entirely unto God. Whoever will not attempt +to do this, with all the grace of God, that man will never come within +sight of the highest prayer. Let him, in absolutely everything, seat +himself in the lowest place. Let him account himself utterly and +hopelessly unworthy of everything he possesses, both in nature and in +grace. Let him shun advancement. Let him apply himself to daily +mortification, not of the body so much as of the mind and the heart, and +let him be more than content with the least thing that God allows him, +for this is true humility. In short, let His Majesty lead us in any way +He pleases, and the chances are that He will soon lead us by these ways +to a life of prayer and communion it had not entered into our hearts to +conceive possible to such sinners as we are. Let no man be too much cast +down, because he has not yet attained to supernatural prayer. God leads +His people in the way that He chooses out as best for Him and for them. +And he who stands low in his own eyes, may all the time stand high in +God's eyes. Supernatural prayer is not necessary to salvation: nor doth +God require it of us. They shall not fail of salvation who practise +themselves in the solid virtues. No, they may have more merit in His +eyes than their more favoured neighbours, because their obedience, and +their faith, and their love have cost them more. Their Lord deals with +them as with strong and valiant men, appointing them travail and trouble +here, that they may fight for Him the good fight of faith, and only come +in for the prize at the end. And, after all, what greater mark of a high +election can there be than to taste much of the cross? Whom the Lord +loveth, in that measure He lays on them His cross. And the heaviest of +all our crosses is a life of sanctification and service without sensible +consolation. + +(9) _Over-familiarity in Prayer_.--He was a man of a powerful +understanding. I thought on his great gifts, and the possibilities there +were in him of doing great service if he were once entirely devoted to +God. He asked me to recommend him much to God, and I did not need to be +asked. I went away to the place to which I used to retreat in cases like +this. And once there, I put myself into a state of entire recollection, +and began to treat with our Lord in a way, when I think of it, of too +great familiarity. But it was love that spake, and every one allows love +great familiarity, and no one so much as our Lord. My soul overlooked +the distance between herself and her Lord. She forgot herself, as she so +often does, and began to talk impertinences and to take too great +freedoms. I entreated our Lord with many tears. I judged my friend to +be already a good man, but I must have him much better, and I said so too +freely, I fear. 'O Lord,' I remember I said,' Thou must not deny me this +favour that I ask. This is a man for us to make a friend of.' And far +more than that. And He did it. Yes, He did it. O His immense bounty +and goodness! He regards not the words but the affection with which the +words are uttered. That must be so, when He endures with such an +impertinent and over-familiar and irreverent wretch as I am; endures and +answers. May He be blessed to all eternity! + +(10) _The Best Result of Prayer_.--To Father Gratian. To-day I received +three letters from your Reverence by the way of the head-post. The whole +matter is in a nut-shell. That prayer is the most acceptable which +leaves the best results. Results, I mean, in actions. That is true +prayer. Not certain gusts of softness and feeling, and nothing more. For +myself, I wish no other prayer but that which improves me in virtue. I +would fain live more nearly as I pray. I count that to be a good prayer +which leaves me more humble, even if it is still with great temptations, +tribulations, and aridities. For it must never be thought that because a +man has much suffering, therefore he cannot have prayed acceptably. His +suffering is as incense set forth before God. Tell my daughters that +they must work and suffer as well as pray, and that it is the best prayer +that has with it the most work and the most suffering. + +(11) _A Bishop taught to Pray_.--To Don Alonzo Velasquez, Bishop of Osma. +Your Reverence enjoined me the other day to recommend you to God. I have +done so: not regarding my own inconsiderableness, but your requisition +and your rights. And I promise myself from your goodness that you will +take in good part what I feel compelled to say to you, and will accept +that which proceeds only from my obedience to you. Recognising, then, +and representing to our Lord, the great favours He has done you in having +bestowed upon you humility, charity, zeal for souls, and a strong desire +to vindicate the Divine honour, I still besought the Lord for an increase +in you of all these same virtues and perfections in order that you may +prove as accomplished in all these things as the dignity of your office +requires. Till it was discovered to me that you still wanted that which +is the foundation of every virtue, and without which the whole +superstructure dissolves, and falls in ruins. You want prayer. You want +believing, persevering, courageous prayer. And the want of that prayer +causes all that drought and disunion from which you say your soul +suffers. That which was shown me as the way your lordship is henceforth +to pray is this. You are to recollect and accuse yourself of all your +sins since your last time of like prayer. You are to divest yourself of +everything as if you were that moment to die. You are to begin by +reciting to yourself and to God the Fifty-first Psalm. And after that +you must say this. 'I come, O Lord, Bishop as I am, to Thy children's +school of prayer and obedience. I come to Thee not to teach, but to +learn. I will speak to Thee, who am but dust and ashes.' And all the +time set before the eyes of your soul Jesus Christ crucified, and +ruminate on Him in some such way as this. Fix your eyes on that +stupendous humility of His whereby He so annihilated Himself. Look on +His head crowned with thorns. Fix your eyes on His nailed hands, His +feet, and His side. Meditate on and interrogate every one of His wounds +for you. It behoves you also to go to prayer with a most entire +resignation and submission and pliantness to go that way in religion and +in life that God points out to you. Sometimes He will teach you by +turning His back on you: and, anon, by lifting up the light of His +countenance upon you. Sometimes by shutting you out of His presence, and +sometimes by bringing you into His banqueting-house. And you are to +receive it all with the same equability of mind, knowing that He always +acts for the best. Otherwise you will go to teach God in your prayers, +which is not the proper scope and intent of prayer at all. And when you +say that you are dust and ashes, you must observe and exhibit the proper +quality of such. In our Lord's prayer in the garden, He requested that +the bitterness and the terrible trial He felt in overcoming His human +nature might be taken away. He did not ask that His pains might be taken +away, but only the disgust wherewith He suffered them. And when it was +answered Him that it was not expedient but that He should drink that cup, +He had to master that weakness and pusillanimity of the flesh, as must +all other men. One cannot be a great scholar, or even a finished +courtier, without great pains and expense; and to be a scholar in the +Church, and a minister, and a master in the science of Heaven, cannot be +done without long time at school and much hard work. And herewith I +desist from saying more to your lordship, whose pardon I beg for all this +presumption. Which, however full it may be of defects and indiscretions, +is not wanting in that zeal I owe to your service as one of the most +wandering and gone astray of your lordship's flock. Our Lord preserve +your lordship, and enrich you with the manifold increase of His grace. I +am, your lordship's unworthy servant and subject, Teresa of Jesus. + +(12) _The proper Readers of what the Saint has Written_,--And now I +return most humbly to beseech your Reverence, that, if you mean to impart +to any one these things that you have made me write concerning prayer, +let them be imparted to spiritual persons, and to persons of real insight +only. For, indeed, I have written for persons of exceptional experience +and exceptional prudence only. What I have written, I fear, very few are +capable of. But what am I, to speak thus about any but myself? +Farewell.--I am, + +TERESA THE SINNER. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SANTA TERESA*** + + +******* This file should be named 19185.txt or 19185.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/9/1/8/19185 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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